Heppner gazette. [volume] (Heppner, Morrow County, Or.) 1892-1912, 1906-09-27
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"Why did you have the sun-dial
moved, Amy?" II wanted it where the
moonlight would shine on 1t, so we
could tell the time Of night. Life.
Knicker-Strange they didn't name
the baby after its rich uncle. Booker
No; he looked at it, and said he'd
give them $4,000 not to.-Harper's Ba-
zar.
Stella-Professor l. re says candy Is
cure for fatigue Bella-That's true;
a man who brings me chocolate never
makes me as tired as a man who
doesn't
Mistress (soliloquzlng) afraid
this hats rather out of date. Maid
Oh, no, mum. It's quite fashionable.
Cook has just bought one exactly like
it.-Punch.
Lawyer-My wife bought this rug
in my office at an auction sale. Client
She paid a big price for it, too. Law
yer-Ilow do you know? Client sold
it to her.-Detroit Free Press
A Georgia man lost a leg in an acct
dent, and when they picked him up the
! first word he said was: Thank the
Lord, it was the leg with the rheuma-
tsm in it it.-Atlanta Constitution.
New Bookkeeper (to employer)-
How shall l enter up the five thousand
dollars that your old bookkeeper ran
No, charge it to running expenses.
New Dentist Tin Frozen Dog
you take gas? Bronco Bill-Will it
hurt IL l don't? Dentist-It will.
sake l think I'd better take it.-Life.
Lady Visitor-That new girl Of yours
seems very nice and quiet. Mistress of
the IIouse-Yes, she's very quiet. She
doesn't even disturb the dust when
she's cleaning the room.-Everybody's
Journal.
AS small Tommy was about to climb
! into his chair ut the dinner table his
mother said: Are your hands clean.
! dear:' Course " they are answered
Tommy. "If you done believe it, look
at the towel
| where are we going to take lunch"
she asked her husband, while out in his
touring car. 20, wherever we happen
to stop lie replied. Goodness. You're
not going to eat as often as that, are
you dearI'-Yonk Statesman.
Mr.. City Boarder was being enter
tanned by his rural sweetheart. DO
you play and sing When the Cows Are
in the Corn Miss Milyweigh?" Lord
bless you, no. :" she calculated. Il get
the dogs and chase em out ."-lIarper
Weekly.
Balty MoOre-The meanest man has
been again discovered. Calvert. Jr.-
Where this time? Balty Moore-In
Ohio, as usual This chap is making
money by selling the weather predic-
tons furnished by his fathers rheuma-
tism.-Baltmore American.
A physician started model insane
asylum with special ward for crazy
chautfeurs and motorists. but | don't
see any PATIENTS said visitor to
whom the automobile ward was shown.
oh" the physician replied, they're
all under the cots fixing the Stats -
Clipping.
"Ill take that" said the man, ind-
eating a silver mounted handglass. "and
| want YOU to engrave on 1t, From J.
]. b. to Phyllis" every WELL" replied
the salesman, well put is on the back
here--'' "Oh, no; put It around the
edge on the front. | want her to see
it."-Philadelphi Ledger.
Mamma" asked the little girl, "has
Mr.. Brown got heart disease" Il
don't know, my child. Why do you
ask?' "Well, it says In my new book
that faint heart never won fair lady,
and when saw Mrs. Brown | made up
my mind that something must be wrong
with his."-Toledo Blade.
Il understand" began Mrs Galley,
sternly, that you have been seen at
the theater with my husband"
"Well," interrupted the pretty govern
ess, defiantly, what of that?' well,
Miss Reeder, If you wish to remain In
my employ you'll have to keep better
company. ."-Philadelphia Press.