The San Juan islander. [volume] (Friday Harbor, Wash.) 1898-1914, 1906-08-18


when did you first become acQuaint-
ed with your husband Z" 1.-The first time
asked him for money after we were
married.
First Burgler-Did Bill git much out
Nv dat last burglary? Second Burglar
NO. He got so little dat his lawyer
advised him to plead guilty.-Judge.
Mrs. Muggins-Since Mrs. Newrich's
husband made all his money she has the
doctor continually. Mrs. Buggins-Yes
hear she Is suffering from nervous
prosperity. Record.
Teacher-Now, Robert, do you know
what an isosceles triangle Isl Boy
Yes'm. Teacher-Well, what Is 1t?
Boy-It's one Nv dem things gifts licked
fer not knowin' wot it is.-Judge.
Stubb-what kind of shoes are those
you are wearing? Cogger-Walking
shoes. Stubb-Walking shoes for au-
tomobile riding? Cogger-Yes, know
my machine.-Chicago Daily News.
Novelist-They say the dialect bust
ness is dying out. Mortal-Thats
what. But who cares? Novelist
do. don't know grammar enough to
write plain English.--Atlanta Consh-
tuition.
"Of course" said the architect, "yon
will want porte cochere." "Sure,"
replied Mrs. Nurich, well want big
one with glass dingle-dangles on 1t
hangin' from the parlor ceilin'." Phil
adelphia Press.
why don't you come out boldly for
reform?" whats the use? asked Sen
| ator Sorghum, 'if your constituency
wont's back you up? I'm willing to
| be q refOrmer, but I'm no martyr
Washington Star.
Peter-Did you ever borrow any mon
ey In case Of emergency? Pan-Not a
cent! Peter-You don't mean it? Pan
Fact; I've often tried to, but I can
never get anybody to lend me any
Detroit Free Press.
Hewitt overreached myself the
OIACA udys VOWClC-11OW 11CW
was so anxious to unload lot of pen
MES on a street car conductor that
forgot I had a transfer ticket in my
pocket-Brooklyn Life.
Il don't object to hearing a man
brag about his ancestors" observed
Uncle Allen Sparks, IF that's all he has
| to brag about. 1t comforts him and
doesn't hurt the ancestors any. They're
dead. Chicago Tribune.
How Birds Grow.-I want to get
some bird Seed said the customer In
the seed store. mo you don't smarty,"
replied the new clerk, recently from the
country, we can't joke me. Birds
grow from eggs, not Seed"
II hear your master Is q perfect lady
killer, James, especially since he got
| his new automobile. Is that so?''
"Well, partly, ma'am, so to speak. He's
run over quite lot, but none of ems
dead yet."-Baltimore American.
"Why don't you tell your, views"
'I'm afraid to-" answered Senator
Sorghum. Whenever I tell my views
on any subject run the risk Of stir
ring up an unanswerable argument on
the other side" -Washington Star.
Correspondent wants to know who
are the greatest stamp collectors in the
country" said the assistant briefly.
Does he inclose stamp for reply?" an
swered the editor. YES" ''Then tell
him we Chicago Daily News.
Paying Teller can't cash this
check, madam, until you are Identified.
Mrs. Brighton mean 1 have to iden-
tify myself? Paying Teller-Yes,
ma'am. Mrs. Bright-How simple :
Have you looking glass Clipped.
Patience-You're quite lame to-day.
Patrice- Will stood on my foot for
ten minutes last night. And you al
lowed it2' II didn't know it, Didn't
know he was standing OH your foot? p
mo, didn't. He was proposing at the
time.'-Yonkers Statesman.
| Most actors" remarked the talka-
tive boarder, Seems to think they can't
get too far front on the Billboard
YES" interrupted Mrs. Starven. "Quite
unlike some other people who believe
they can't get too far back on the
board bill."- Philadelphia Ledger.
'Tom's fool!" ''Why, Margaret! ]
thought you liked him." swell, we
were sitting on the sofa last night, and
he bet me that l couldn't whistle. And
turned to him and puckered up my
lips to start, and" "Well?" ''Well,
he let me whistle Cleveland Leader.
women and men are very much
alike in one respect" said the home
grown philosopher. whats the an
swer2" queried the experienced youth.
Men," explained the philosophy dis
penser, Gle about the fish they didn't
catch and women lie about the men
they could have married had they
wanted Chicago Daily News.
May Roxley tat the telephone
That you, Jack? You know you prom
Used you'd speak to father to-day. Jack
Lovett-Yes. I-er-spoke to him this
morning at his Office. May Roxley-
| oh! What did he say? Jack Lovett-
Why-er-I didn't wait to hear all OF
Philadelphia Catholic Standard.
1 H.. 1,o1l ,,,~e dooe,s% L.