davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1906-09-22
STOMACH PAINS
Or Williams Pink Pills Brought Re-
lief, and Cure for Splitting
Headaches as Well.

DR.. Williams Pink Pills, a remedy
which has been before the American peo-
pie for generation, is still accomplish
ing wonderful results as is evidenced by
the following interview with Mrs. Ra-
chael Gardner, of Wilsey, Kans.
1T was very strange" she SAYS, II
never could tell what caused it and
neither could anybody else. For long
time had bad spells with my stomach.
The pain would commence about my
heart and was SO deadly agonizing that I
would have to scream aloud. Sometimes
it would last several hours and would
have to take laudanum to stop it. Be
sides this I had headache almost con-
stantly, day and night, that nearly crazed
me. SO you see I suffered a great deal.
And when I think of the agony l en-
dured it still makes me shudder.
" Doctors, did you say? Their medi-
cine made me sicker. l couldn' t take it
and kept growing worse until a friend
advised me to take DR.. Williams Pink
Pills, and did. l began to feel better
and was soon wholly converted to this
wonderful medicine. 1t did me more
good than had ever hoped for. kept
OH with the pills and now 1 recommend
them to all who suffer-
DIR. Williams Pink Pills have cured
severe cases of indigestion, bloodlessness,.
influenza, headaches, backaches, lum--
! bago, sciatica, neuralgia, nervousness
and spinal weakness. The genuine DIR.
Williams Pink Pills are guaranteed to.
be free from opiates or any harmful
| drugs and cannot injure the most delicate
system. At all druggists, or from the
/ DR.. Williams Medicine Co, Schenectady,
NY, postpaid on receipt of price, 90
cents per box, six boxes for 81. 80.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1906-09-22

Little Margaret was to take her first
bath in the river. A fine new bathing
suit had been made for her and she
donned it with great pride. Her moth
er, with Margaret's sisters, took her
down. She was very timid about going
in, until she say the others were per-
fectly safe in the water. Then she ven
tured in. The water suddenly grew
deeper and came above her waist, much
to the surprise of the little maid, who
cried out in surprise:
ooh, mother, my bathing suit leaks -
-Harper'S Weekly.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1906-09-22
MOST DEADLY NEW DISEASE.
Zympherlitis It's Name and How q
Doctor Treated Patient.


Doctor Treated Patient.
"Now, just put up your hands, be
amiable and quiet. You are up against
it,
The burglar dropped the plumber he
had accumulated and looked into the
muzzle Of DR.. John Jameson's revol.
yer.
"Send for the police" said the bur-
glar. II am ag'in it,"
Not at ALL said the doctor. Il
often sit up night studying The min
ute you came in here knew you were
suffering from zympherlitis. You dis
played every symptom so l watched
you and determined that you were a
full-fiedged victim. In fact, you are
the only thoroughly developed case IN
America. Sit down! There are two
cases authenticated in Europe. lynn.
pherlitis is the most deadly disease in
the world. You are the third man to
get it. Here take this"
The doctor had been mixing up some.
thing and when he handed it up to
the burglar the latter gulped it down.
'It's horrible" said the burglar.
why don't you shoot me or turn me
over to the police?"
''Here, take this said the doctor as
he mixed up something that fixed.
The burglar took it and doubled UP
on the floor in a carooning agony. He
stood on his head, tried to climb the
walls and finally sank in a chair.
Its a terrible disease and horri
BILE remedy" said the burglar.
at is" said the doctor. "Come back
in a week. Here, 1 will show you
where you are at. Now, notice how the
fearful germs of zympherlitis show
themselves. They need but forcible &C
tiOn.'
The doctor twisted the culticle il
Carriers neck and an ugly lump APP
peared. Then the doctor handed Car
ter a mirror.
ooh, Lord!'' said Carter. at seems
to be growing!"
ct is growing" said the doctor. "It''
! a bad case Of Zympherlitis."
A meek and subdued burglar left the
| house.
Jim Carter wouldn't drink ht
wouldn't even smoke, and to hi:
friends invitation he replied: 81 cam
do it; I've got the zympher, and Tn
only one Of three men that's got it,
Of course he went to see Dr.. Jameson
at the end of the week.
Doctor" he said that lump or
my neck is CROWN and 1 guess thai
zympherlitis has got me-"
"Jim," said the doctor, "you take
this'-and he handed him a small via
zone teaspoonful every hour, unit
you 60 to sleep, so you can't take any
more, and when you get over thar
cussed zympherlitis, Jim, 1 want yor
! of mine.'
And Jim got over the zympherliti.
and has worked for Doc now some
twenty years. Jim still wonders about
Zympherlitis, and he smiled one time
in a vague, understanding way
when, while runmaging among som,
of the doctors old papers, he found on
signed by one Of the doctors old class
mate friends, which read:
Dear Doc-I always claimed that tn
idea Of suggestion was a greater cura
tive power than that of medicine. Tha
you succeeded SO we'll with your bur
glar and your zympherlitis only show
that we live in a world where wha
we are taught is absolute, is absolute
not.-Brooklyn Citizen.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1906-09-22

Admiral Dewey in an address to an
association Of war veterans at Utica,
n. Y, voiced an old truth in good style !:
''This is a beautiful world and none Of
us is anxious to leave It." So say we
all, admiral. We complain Of 1t no lit
tie and tinker with it constantly, but 1t
Is a mighty good place after all. So
far as this particular part of the world
Is Concerned-the American part-no
men have a better right to the good
things going and to the satisfaction
which comes from viewing and consid-
ering them than those who helped for
ty-odd years ago to keep the country
together. The admiral was addressing
a few of them and being one Of them
himself must have found especial pleas
ure IN making his observations.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1906-09-22
Models to Be Give nAvvay.

The United States Patent Office is
preparing to give away no less than
$4,000 models Of inventions which have
gathered on its hands in the course of
business. They are mute witnesses to
the inventive genius of the American
people. Some of them are curious, some
interesting, a few, perhaps, beautiful,
and many, it is hoped, suggestive. They
may start trains of thought in the
brains of inventors when will lead to
further inventions of benefit to the hui
man race, says the Philadelphia Bal.
Ietin.
This, however, is not the primary OBJ.
ject Of the government in giving away
the collection. 1t is hoped that invent.
i've genius may be stimulated by these
objects, but the main incentive is econ
Omy. For lack of room elsewhere these
models have been stored in a rented
building which costs the government
$4,000 q year and is not used for any
other purpose. They are not worth the
room they take up, especially when that
room must be paid for at an extraYa-
CANT rate.
Some Of these models, especially those
of historical character, are to be given
to the Smithsonian Institution and tho
National Museum. The others will be
at the service Of any museums, scientific
bodies and individuals that choose to
apply for them. A catalogue will be
issued presently which will aid in Sc
lecting the specimens.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1906-09-22

A deaf mute has become able to talk
sId hear as a result Of being run over
by an automobile. It is not explained
how or why he happened to refrain
long enough from walking on railway
tracks to get run over by the automo-
bile
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1906-09-22

A girl who several months ago wrote
her name and address on q piece of
paper which she slipped into the pocket
of an army blouse that she was making
has just been married to q soldier. Let
the anxious girl who has carved her
name and address ON a watermelon con-
tinue to hope.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1906-09-22

There are few games of chance In
which the odds are heavier against the
player than that Of marrying a man to
reform him. The rock of masculine re-
form has cost more high-souled women
their happiness than probably any 9th
er in the sea Of life. Perhaps the few
times when it does succeed in saving
the man Justify the sacrifice, but it is
certainly hard on the women.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1906-09-22

Ann Odelia Dlss de Bar, who has
been in prison in England for the past
five years, is out on a ticket Of leave.
Cassie Chadwick will not be doing the
proper thing if she fails to send her
message OF congratulation.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1906-09-22

There Is nothing in the Sage will to
keep Mrs. Sage from giving away all
the money she desires. Whatever may
be said against Mr.. Sage it will have
to be admitted that he died with con-
f1dence In his wife that compels admi-
ration
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1906-09-22
Twain on French stage.

Mark Twain's famous sketch, 'How
I Became Editor of an Agricultural
Paper" has been dramatized for a
Paris theater. The adapter and trans
lator, NJ Timmory, is credited by a
critic with having succeeded in trans
ferring to the stage Mark Twain's hui
NOR without losing its SAVIOR"
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1906-09-22

It's all right to suggest that a man
should make love to his wife, but the
trouble is that when he does so she be-
gins to suspect that he is doing it to
relieve his conscience.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1906-09-22

Since the first of the year the Krupp
gun works have put on 10000 new men,
not counting the two that have been
accepted by the Krupp girls.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1906-09-22

When a girl has an out of town
steady she is a mighty poor manager
if she does not cOntrive to know some
girl well enough, in her steady's town,
to visit
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1906-09-22

Question for debating society: When
life insurance agent tackles a book
canvasser, will the canvasser get his
life insured, or will he sell a book?
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1906-09-22

With 100000 alimony Mrs. Corey
can buy a nice frame for the divorce
which she got from the president of the
steel trust and have money left.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1906-09-22

The coffee consumed in this country
last year cost the people 100000
No wonder coffee has a tendency to
make some of us lie awake.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1906-09-22

Are there living men IN this coun-
try?" asks Maxim Gorky. There are,
and most of them are living with their
wives.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1906-09-22

The man who tasted forty-n1ne days
to improve his health just got to the
point where he could live without eat
ing when he died
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1906-09-22

Speaking Of pure food, statistics show
that 118, 765,6O0 pigs feet were picked
in 1905, and the outlook for a bumper
crop this year is good.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1906-09-22

Another way of making children good
BY surgery might be to perform an op
Grafton on the skull of an occasional
parent.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1906-09-22

Baseball is not played in Russia, and
the Car is no golfer. What does the
poor fellow do to forget his troubles?
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1906-09-22
An Old Story.

"They say the theosophists out IN
California worship a dog"
ooh, we'll, that isn't so surprising
a great many women who aren't theos-
ophists do that"-Detroit Free Press.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1906-09-22
Is 1t the Most Famouse

what is the most famous saying
ever made by man?" an editor asked
Some thought that Cesar, some
thought Socrates, some that Lincoln,
some that Nelson, had said the most
memorable thing; but finally the palm
was awarded to Euclid, the mathema.
tician.
Euclid went to Alexandria to teach
,ltolemy Softer, the king Of Egypt, math-
ematics. Ptolemy plodded at his prob
lens a week or two, and then asked
Euclid, impatiently, if there was not
some special shorter way BY which he
could be taught
"Sire," Euclid answered, there is no
royal road to learning. Philadelphia
Bulletin.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1906-09-22

That thrilling serial, THE Russian
Crisis" will be Continued In our
next"
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1906-09-22

In these days of the higher criti-
cism" and Scientific" investigation Of
spiritual things it is still we'll to re-
member that the dlcta Of few uni
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1906-09-22

When a mother drops a dish and
breaks it, it means that it will be at
least six weeks before scolding her
children for q similar offense will have
any effect.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1906-09-22

Count that day lost when for some
unknown cause there's been no scrap
between the various Thaws.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1906-09-22

Handkerchiefs come under the head
Of crying needs.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1906-09-22

Look at any photograph of a family
reunion: Don't the men have a half.
sneaking look indicating they are
ashamed to be there2
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1906-09-22

Those who are on the road to wealth
do not object to the dust.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1906-09-22

People don't work as much as they
used to. More time IS required to do
everything now than formerly.
The Springdale news., 1906-10-19
In N6drby Counties

runs east and northeast from town, Is 2s miles long and serves population of 4s5.
 Capt. J. H. Mo6linton, of Ben tonvllle. has bee admitted to the Confederate soldiers home at Little Rock.
 The fire department at Benton vile has arranged for d tourna- ment on the second day of the fruit fair, October q.
 \ movement Is on foot to erect a S1500 Catholic church in Ben ton County. to be located either at Bentonville or Rogers.
 Capt. c. T. Lincoln of Benton vile took number of premiums with the apples he took to the state fair at Hot Springs.
 The postmaster at Grarett has been notified that unless the patrons on rural routes , and !
The Springdale news., 1906-10-19
 BENTON.

Efforts are being made at Gentry to organize stock com pany to drill for oil and gas.
 An Odd Fellows lodge was or ganized at Springtown recently with membership of thirty.
 $. J. Blocher has been reap pointed county examiner of Ben- ton County by Judge Williams.
 At the recent meeting of the levying court 1t was voted to build steel bridge at War Eagle.
 The Bentonyille Sun says the apple season at that place k about closed, only one firm now buying.
 Bentonville Is to have a new rural route, No. ;, the first of November and the Bentonville Sun says 1t IS understood that l. (. Casey will be the carrier. It
The Springdale news., 1906-10-19

twenty-six, was very sick at Paris, Texas, with the same di- sease. The father left at once to attend his absent son and had been gone less than day when the son at home died. and two days later the son in Texas died. The body was brought 10 Decatur Monday for lnterment. t.--Benton- vile Sun.
 E. C. Lone and J L. Dunn, superintendents respectively of the water and light departments of the Rogers Light and Water Co., have resigned. No reasons for the resignations were given.
 Uniformity of text books for Benton county has been declared to have carried at last election and Judge Williams has decided To appoint oil the book board Frank Brinnegar of Hiwasse and John Dale q Gravette. Benton- vile News.
 At q recent meeting of the Ben- ton County Horticultural Society at Bentonyille 1t was brought out that San Jose scale is prevalent III q number of peach and apple orchards i'll the county. About the only way to get rid of the disease k to cut the trees and burn them
 The Bentonville Sun wants to see the electric light plants of that town and Rogers consolidat- ed midway between the two towns and au electric railway built to connect the two, the con- solidated plant to furnish power 10 run the cars and also to light 1 both towns.
 Three locations are now under consideration by the Rogers Southwestern as site for their Rogers depot, which will be substantial brick building These places are the site of the old blaming mill, owned by Ellis
The Springdale news., 1906-10-19
MADISON.

L. F. Bell has been re-appoint- cd county examiner by Judge DunaWay.
 J. B. Lewis of Huntsville has sold an interest i'll his law busi- ness at Huntsville to his cousin. l.. N. Lewis, late of Cannon City, Oregon.
 T. A. Barnes living two miles west of Marble, will have d pub lie sale on November 2s, and will go to Joplin, Mo-, to make his home. He will not sell his farm so that If he is dissatisfied he can return.
The Springdale news., 1906-10-19

Short; the corner east of the
 Baptist church. owned by r. z.
 Meeks, and the block west of the Commercial Hotel. owned by ". K Felker \ decision will be made in d few days. Brick k being delivered for the four-stall roundhouSe. which the Rogers Southwestern will build in the little grove. one block south of the residence of N. k. Felker. This looks as though the road
 will be no one engine affair and
 means business. Rogers Demo-
The Springdale news., 1906-10-19

make some improvement Ill the condition of the roads the depart- ment will probably discontinue the service.
 The high school girls at Grav- ett have organized basket ball team, and are ready for contests with teams in surrounding towns.
 Siloam Springs has raised the sum required to secure the Rogers and Southwestern road and Is now working to secure the right of way.
 J. D. Pace, 7l years of age, who had been a resident of Ben- ton County since 1852, died Mon day of last week from an opera ton for an old chronic ailment, at his home one mile southwest of Rogers.
 The family of Junius Collins, of Decatur, has been sorely af- fiicted the past week. Lloyd, q twenty-two year old son, was stricken with appendicitis, and while watching over his sick son the father received a telegram that arother son. Loren, aged
The Springdale news., 1906-10-19

Young man. if she suggests wheu You bring bax ef candy that yoa had better be saving your money. 1t k sign that 1t is q good time L. ask the momentous question.
The Springdale news., 1906-10-19
An Awful Cough Cured.

Two years ago our little gIrl had < touch of pneumonia, which left her with all awful cough. She had SpeU, of coughing just like one with the whooplng cough and some thought she would not get well at all. We got bottle Of Ghamberlains Cough Remedy, which acted like q charm. She stopped coughing and got stout and fat " writes Mrs. Ora Bussard Brubaker, H. This remedy is f0r sale by Il. A. Daily and ali druggists.
 Good citizenship finds better ex- pression al the ballot box than ln the street corner discussion
The Springdale news., 1906-10-19
Nothing to faAr

Mothers need have no hesitancy in continuing to give Chamberlain's Cough Remedy to little ones. as lt contains absolutely nothing Injurious. This remedy is not only perfectly sale To give ta small child. ren, but lsa medicine of great worth and merit It has world wide rem. tatlon Tor. iiS cures If coughs. colds ana cr"np and can always be relied upon For sale by II. A. Daily and all druggists. e''"
The Springdale news., 1906-10-19
Hit Knocks the Itch.

It may not cure all your III, but it dees one of the worst. It cures any form ot Itch ever known no matter what It IS called, where the sensation Is 'ltch 1t knocks It. Eczema, Ring worm ana all the rest are relieved at once and cured by que box It's guaranteed, and it's name is Hunts Cure.
 The average man does not have to go far from home to find a place to begin reform work.
The Springdale news., 1906-10-19
Smiths Sure Kidney Cure.

TAp onl, guaranteed kidney reme- dt. Buy it-try lt-it q sis you noth- Ing II II falls. Price 50c Fl 6m
Daily capital journal. (Salem, Oregon) 1903-1919, 1906-02-08
LlNeoLN's cAReLessN1ss.
His Hat His Favorlte Receptacle foi
Letter and Papers.

tFrom Frederick Trevor Hllrs Lin.
coin the lawyer" in the Feb.
ruary Century.
wncn Lincoln was postmaster OF
New Salem he used to tuck the letters
inside his hat and deliver them whom.
ever he happened TO meet the persons
90 whom they we're addressed. AZ this
is fair example OF his business uys.
tenn, Il may rea lily be imagined that
the once Of stuart a Lincoln was not
a model establishment. whore there
was a place for everything aud every
thing in 60 place And Il was not In.
deed. as a managing clerk. the junior
partner would have been a hopeless
failure, and aa an attorney. In the
technical sense OF the term. no would
never have distinguished himself Ho
disllked everything connected with the
drudsery Of legal routine. hated draw.
Ing the declarations and pleas. dea.
pissed the artineialitles and rehnementa
which were even then beginning %
creep into the pleadinga, and disre.
garded forms whenever IL was possl'
bic 90 30 80.
There was nothing mechanical. pre-
else or methodieal about the man. and
In all those housewifely virtues which
characterized the careful orderly. OK.
act solicitor ne was utterly deficient
lie never knew whore his papers
were, and apparently the only attempt
he ever made TO better the disorder
was TO write on one OF his bundles OF
papers which Uttered his desk. "when
you can't md II anywhere else look
In this" But that was long after the
frm OF Stuart a Lincoln had dissolv.
ed, and even then We nnd him explain.
Ing 70 a correspondent that he had
placed his letter inside an old hat and
had thus neglected answering II,
which shows he had not wholly out
grown the habit OF his postofioe days.
Indeed. his hat continued 20 be ais
favOrite receptacle for papers long
as he lived. and he never acquired
any sense OF order.
Daily capital journal. (Salem, Oregon) 1903-1919, 1906-02-08
MOST
GENTLE
PIRATES
Imported From Penzance .
Along With a Bevy of Pir-
atical Girl Heart.BreakerS

There is no longer any doubt that
the opera. Pirates Of Penzance.
which is to be given at the Grand
Opera House Friday evening. is to be
the best and most successful musical
event ever given by local talent in the
Capital City Salem people should
take the more pride In Il. since Il has
been managed. conducted and is TO be
presented by salem teachers and stu.
dents
The whole scheme Of the opera ls
a. charming a. Il can be. while the
music "a very catchy. and Il Il safe to
say that you will have something else
to hum beside In the Shade OF the
Old Apple Tree" and Everybody
Works at Our House but My Old
Dad" II you hear this opera. There
will be an orchestra OF nine pieces. tho
members OF which have been drilled
until they play a. one person. There
will be any number OF pretty girls
and stylish costumes. 30 that tho pro.
duetion will be a delight to tae eye. az
well as TO the ear.
The price OF admission has been
placed within the reach OF all. aud. as
the proceeds are 20 be divided equally
between the pipe organ fund OF the
University and the plano fund OF the
high school, the opera house should
aud will be crowded 20 the doors,
Il will also be one OF the swellest
social events OF the season. and sever
al OF salem's society leaders. assisted
by Mrs. Geo, r. ChambeFlain. will act
as patronesses,