Daily Kennebec journal., 1906-01-30


Whose names ranged from Rita to Lulu,
Once gave Il pink tea:
And the Sultan, says he
Gosh, l wish was in Honolulu" =
One day the old Sultan went bumming.
He boozed till he sat things a-humming;
When he .:;," saw his wives 5I3s double
And he got going and coming"
Kansas City Times.
The youthful orator came down from
the platform at the close of his ad-
dress, and many people pressed 1or-
ward to shake him by the hand. he
accepted their congratulations with
smiling face. but his eyes were on
certain auditor who fingered IN MS
seat The young lecturer pressed
| through the throng about him and eX-
tended his hand to the waiting man.
Il want to thank you" he said, for
| the close attention you gave my re-
marks. Your upturned face was an
| inspiration to me. / am sure you
never changed your earnest attitude
during my lecture
NO. said the man, Il have stiff
neck"
a clergyman was very anxious to in
troduce some hymn books into the
church and arranged with his clerk
that the latter was to give out the
notice Immediately after the sermon.
The clerk, however, had a notice of his
own to give out with reference to the
baptism of infants. Accordingly, at
the close of the sermon he arose and
announced:
"All those who have children whom
| they wish to have baptized. please
send their names at once to the clerk. y
The clergyman, who was stone deaf.
assumed that the clerk was giving out
| the hymn book notice, Immediately
arose and said:
And l should say, for the benefit of
| those who haven't any, that they may
| be obtained in the vestry any day from
to o'clock; the ordinary little ones
at sl.OO each, and special ones
with red backs at $1.50.''
"'fhc late Senator Hoar, having
| learned that a friend of his was very
| i'll with appendicitis, sat down at his
| desk to write a note of coincidence
Before he had finished he received
word that the gentleman in question
WdS suffering, IibL from -,
but from an attack of acute indigcs-
ton. He therefore took up his pen and
wrote the following note.
| "My Dear A:
Accept my sincere sympathy for
your illness and suffering. but | am
ovcriOyed to learn that the trouble is
with your table of contents instead Of
your appendix. Yours. etc"
country gentleman observed his
Irish servant at the top of Il ladder do
| ing something to the weathercock Oh
the stable turrct. "Hullo, Pat" he
| cried, what are you up to now?" THE
| mistress wants to go for a drive re-
| piled Pat, ''an' she tOwld me to put the
pony III the dOgcart. But faix, its
blOWin' SO nasty an cOWld from the
| aSte, an she is so putty and delicate,
that l thought I'd be after tyin, the
bla-gard of a wind round to so-wcst
with bit Of string an keep it there
| till she had her drive and come home
agin.'
y we'll known Scotch minister, when
| far advanced in years. thought it adj
VlSable to marry for the fourth time,
On calling on one of his senior elders
to inform him of his intention he
deemed it necessary to accompany the
announcement with some reason for
step SO unexpected and unusual. "You
see said he, Il am an old man now
and [ cannot expect to be very long
here, so l feel that when the end comes
| L would like to have some one to close
my eyes" "Awecl.'' replied the elder,
I've had two, and 1 can tell ye they
nae both opened mine"
lawyer was talking about Elihu
| Roots legal talent.
He shonc in court room" said the
lawyer. From the beginning of his
career he shonc
He had a happy gift of humor too.
one day he was cross examining d
young woman.
How old are you?" he said.
The young woman hcsitatcd.
Don't hesitate said Mr.. Root.
"rhe longer you hesitate, the older
you'll grow
In submitting a story to certain
magazine a disappointed literary as
| P''oh' i'iutSttu tIldl, III I0c event OF
his manuscript being found unavail-
| able, he be favored with the reason.
| Accordingly the manuscript was re-
turned in about Il week and on the
! customary printed slip accompanying
1T was written:
Dear Sir-Thc supcrscription to
your manuscript seems to MS to best
express our reason fT refusal. The
| Editor"
Opening the manuscript the puzzled
asplrant read Gil his own writing) ON
the title page
His One Great Sin'-about d.S0O
| words"
one Of the Missouri representatives.
VINO did some campaigning with Folk
during the contest of "a year ago, tells a
good story Illustrative of the danger of
the rhetorical question At a small
town where Folk was billed to sneak. "A
portiy man. named Sddons. had been
scheiuled 10 act as presiding officer.
i q f,1f ~