The Lee County journal. (Leesburg, Ga.) 1904-19??, 1906-12-28

pot and made an entree or a hors-o'-
oeuvre out of him. All An Ideal"
Tingely started with joy. OF course,
it would be Impossible in these effete
days to eat a garrulous speaker. But
why not boil him?
Tingley hurried home and late as
it was, went to his desk, turned on
the light and worked like mad draw
ing plans. His wife found him there
at 1 p. m. He heard a gasp and saw
her standing somewhat like the God
dess Of Liberty in curl papers, etc.
What in heavens name are you do
ing at this hour?" she gasped
Saving the great American people
from the greatest danger that now
threatens them-the danger of being
talked to DEATH" said Tingley, with a
strange CLEAN in his eye. Converse
ton has always been the greatest sin
Of republics, and DYSPEPSIA admittedly
the greatest blotch on American health
ergo, DYSPEPSIA is caused by cOnversa-
ton. Remove the cause and nature
will do the rest. have at last dis
covered the remedy"
Mrs Tingley was not interested but
she edged toward a cold steam radia-
tor and listened while Tingley ran on
Like all the great inventions, my
dear, the simplicity and obviousness
Of this chiefly excite one to marvel that
the ages have had to wait so long for
it's discovery. My device is based on
the same idea as that of common or
garden gallows.
The speaker, when introduced, is
escorted to a platform or dais, slightly
raised above the level of the floor, so
that all may see him better. He is in
reality standing on O. trapdoor, oper-
ated by clOckWork AS soon as he be-
gins to speak the POSTMASTER presses
button, which sets the clock mechan-
ISM in motion. The speaker is warned
that his remarks must be limited to
ten minutes. 1t is possible to prolong
the time by a simple adjustment Of
the clockwork, but under no circum-
stances can this be extended beyond
eighteen minutes, as nobody on earth
can conceivably have anything to say
that a crowd of men full of dinner can
properly listen to for longer than 4
quarter Of an hour.
Zone minute before the allotted
time the speaker hears a low but ON
inious buzzing beneath his feet This
gives him ample time for his perora-
tion or reminds him Of his final story
He then finishes and retires.
Observation-Disclosures my dear, at
the exact end of the allotted time the
trap beneath him opens automatically
and he disappears into a yawning
chasm."
Good gracious!" exclaimed Mrs
Tlngley with pardonable excitement.
What becomes of him then?"
THAT depends" said Mr.. Tingley
Il have several schemes in mind In
pattern A he is dropped into large
caldron of boiling oil This is surely
no more than is due to a man so
merciless of his fellow citizens. An
! eye for an eye, torture for torture.
GAS there is, however, a mawkish
sentiment against making the punish
ment fit the crime, | shall expect 10
install more of my pattern B. In this
the speaker is deposited on a polished
chute or runaway, something like the
down and out" at Coney Island.
Through this he glides swiftly and
safely to a porthole whence he is car
ried by his own momentum into
waiting patron wagon, which takes
him to the police court After a night
in a prison cell he is arraigned the
next morning fer disorderly conduct,
disturbing the peace and maintaining
a nuisance. / call the device Ting
ley's Post-Prandial Trap, or Banquet
ing Made Easy. / shall incorporate
a company tomorrow under the laws
of New Jersey and begin the manu-
facture of those pal1-killers at once.
And now, what do you think of your
husband?"
Il think" said Mrs. Tingley grimly,
that if you were on enc Of those post
prandial traps now I'd press the but
ton AS it is you'd better go to bed"
No hero is a hero to his valet and no
inventor genius to his wife; but the
world is soon to see the Tingley mech
anism placed on the market. No hotel
or banquet hall can afford to be with
out one.-Harper's Weekly
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