Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1906-06-10
EXCUSES GIVEN IN COURT.
Some That Were Plausible Enough to
Clear Defendants Of Charges.
From the London Globe.

FROM the IonuoH oiooe
To frame excuses that will melt the mag
isterial heart requires the skill of an ar
list, and Is indeed a fine art-uniess it is
a science-and one in which genius alone
can hope to succeed. Conventional excuses
are Of little avail and yet cursory study
of the examples here given viii show that
the successful excuse should be at least
plausible, for totally irrelevant pleas are
rarely accepted.
A foreign lady. poor but dishonest, for
instance. who entered a temporarily vacant
house, annexed tablecloth. clock, lamp
and the proyender provided for the meals
of the real occupants, on being arrested
and brought before the judge. addressed
him as follows. but without avail: m lie
Juge obstruction, your face Is beautiful
bland and benign. 1t reminds me of my de-
ceased husband, a man always gay and
smiling who would never have refused a
favor to a distinguished woman. / am the
authoress of a novel. My Angel. Release
me and / promise to lmmortaiiZe you in
my next work / demand my liberty The
Judge, however was ungallant enough to
doubt her sanity, and the case-unlike that
which was personally defended by young
lady. who stated that she had bargained
for piece Of tapestry with figures worked
as handsome in appearance as my lord
the president there; but the plaintiffs palm
me off with figures as ugly as that of mon
sieur the plaintiffs advccate'-was lost.
man who some time ago was charged
at Bow street with being drunk and dis
orderly on being asked what he had to say
was discharged when he put forward the
following trite excuse: Its In nutshell
your worship-too much liquor, no solids
collapse and consequences" This was very
much to the point, especially when COM
pared to the reply of woman aged thirty
two, who was charged at Lambeth with the
same offense shortly afterward. "Ahi your
worship" she explained, Il am the mother
of twelve children. that's what / am. And
the last time 1t was twins-here they are
now-and that was only seven weeks ago."
Presumably. his worship considered the In
Fiction of twins as a sufficient extenuation
for the offense, for he told her to go away
and not do 1t again.
The plea of a boy burglar when recently
brought UP at Harlesden for having entered
a house and stolen a water can was some
what unique. Having confessed to break
ing into the house by forcing the back
window catch. he stated that all he did to
the house was to wind the clocks.
Some little time ago a man found In pos
session OF two rabbits offered an expla-
nation the statement that he saw five rab-
bits In a ditch that he fell on them and
killed two by breaking their necks. The
magistrate decided that the story, though
picturesque, was unconvincing
When some little time ago a milkman was
called upon to explain at Lambeth why his
wares contained per cent of water he re-
marked: 1T was raining heavens hard and
the sample was taken In the middle of the
street." an explanation that was considered
sufficient but the lettering individual who
gently suggested that formidable Jenny
found hidden In a secret pocket of his coat
was his kitchen poker failed to get the
benefit of the doubt that did not exist.
Ingenious, too was the plea of a man
tried at KidderIninster for coining and ut
terfng counterfeit coin. who said that he
s-ould plead guilty, but asked that his wife
should be acquitted on the ground that
when married she was told to love, honor
and obey. and that she had only acted up
to her marriage VOWS
The man who said he stole two fowls In
order to see If his nerves were sufficiently
braced up TO permit him passing con-
stable without trembling with fear made
splendid effort TO get away from the con-
ventional but sthe most ingenious defense"
the magistrate at Marlborough street ever
heard. according to his own statement. was
pleaded In 1901 BY a laborer-eharged with
stealing fur neeliet from a shop. Said
he. Il plead guilty of having 1t on my
arm, but the wind blew it there. The man
in the shop said it was his, and said. Ali
rigat; take it, Z.