davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Minneapolis journal., 1906-08-12
Good JUDGMENT.

farmer went into a hardware store
and while purchasing some tools was
asked by the proprietor if he did not
want to buy a bicycle. - '
"A bicycle won It eat its head off,
said the man, "and you can ride
around your farm on it. They cheap
now and I can let you have one
I'D rather put the $95 in a cow,u
"Oh, well,' said the hardware man.
sarcastically, "you'd look mighty fool
1sh riding around your farm on a cow,
now wouldn It you9'
No more foolish, Perhaps - said the
bicycle" A. 4.
Iowa City, Iowa.
The Minneapolis journal., 1906-08-12
No Bovine Mail.

Mike Howe, originally of the emerald
isle, had recently moved to the little
village OF Lynn, One afternoon he wan
inquired for his mail. The postal clerk
was new, young and inclined to have
little fun. -, -
"Any mail for Mike Howe7" asked
the Irishman.
. "Beg pardon, sir, but don't under
stand,' replied the clerk. -
"Faith and can't yez understand
English2 Any mail for Mike HoweqV
The clerk looked disgusted as he an
mail FOR anybody's cow.' III. r. :.
The Minneapolis journal., 1906-08-12

by the emperor's order in 1905, only
two years after his negotiation and
sale of Louisiana to the United States.
It was given to Field Marshal Davout
and hung in the old family chateau un-
til 1889, when the estate was sold. By
the Minneapolis public library since
1891. This great French commander is
also represented in half length portrait
by. Lefevre (1756-1S3D. his court
painter.
PORTRAIT of Napoleon Bonaparte'
was painted at the age Of Ain 1910,
six years after he was crowned en-
peror: From his private rooms at Fon-
exile, to Field Marshal Mortier, and
later, by the laws Of France, sold.
When intended as the center Of col
lection of great pictures at the "Tomb
Of Napoleon" it was purchased by the
Minneapolis art connoisseur and
brought to his gallery. A famous
group in the library gallery is Napoleon
press Josephine and the Austrian. En-
press Maria Louisa.
'tKing Charles L. After the Battle
Of Marston Moor by Jean Roster,
Belgium artist, director Of the academy
Of Malines, suburb Of Brussels, is one
Of the most realistic pictures. The
scene shows Charles I after supposedly
defeating Cromwell at Marston Moor,
in nearby castle. His officers outline
further routes and plans at table near
the king, when the announcement Of
defeat Is made Completely over
whelmed, paralyzed by the news. the
king pays no attention to any one, not
even to the faithful dog who caresses
his hand in mute sympathy. The king
and officers are portrait pictures, the
castle interior and colorings are grand
ly done. Besides many medals the
artist received the Grand Prix de
Rome. Two English gentlemen, in see-
ing this picture lately, said, "There
was nothing better in the London Ma
tional gallery I
The Minneapolis journal., 1906-08-12
THIRD PRIZE
This Story Gets $2.
Ornithology VS.. High Finance.

visiting Philadelphia not long ago, and
his business leading to the splendid
Academy of Natural Sciences, he found
himself walking in and out among the
cases of stuffed BIRDS. There are thou
sands of lifelike feathered creatures
gathered there, and the collection is
one of the finest in America. The Gus
todian could not help praising 1t all
with excusable warmth.
'I've never figured it OUT said he,
at last, "but it is safe to say, at a
guess, that these stuffed birds are worth
not less than $2O0,0OO.v - L'-,.''.
Heavens! exclaimed the man of
money, "is It possiblea What are they
Austin, MINI.
The Minneapolis journal., 1906-08-12
The Irish Ahead, as Usual.

Pat was having an argument with
friend who was well posted in ancient
history. - .>c ~.
WHow foolish of you to contend that
the ancient Irish were more advanced
than the ancient Egyptians said his
friend. "Why, the Egyptians must have
even understood electricity, as wires
corresponding to our own telegraph
wires have been found in Egypt. -.
"That may be,' answered Pat, "but
the fact that no wires have been found
in Ireland proves beyond q doubt that
the Irish were in the habit Of using
wireless telegraphy.." Il. L. M.
Duluth, MIMI ssk 81 #
The Minneapolis journal., 1906-08-12
Farming in New York,

While travelling thru New York state,
where the soil is very rocky, Mr. Nh q. met
Mr.. n. field Of which he was very
proud, but in crossing the field they
stepped from one stone to the other.
After commenting on the overproduc-
tion Of stones Mr. H. asked him what
he would do if he had a 10O-acre field
to plow without seeing a stone.
, He looked at MI. H. in amazement
and finally said: i " And what would
throw at me 'oss ~ M.
Chatfeld, MINI. .
The Minneapolis journal., 1906-08-12
Seeing the Point.

In village on the eastern coast Of
Massachusetts, it is the custom for the
minister to read in church the requests
of members for the prayers Of the con-
gregation on special occasions. On
Sunday the regular clergyman had ex-.
the interior Of the state to whom the
custom was new.
The deacon, at the usual time in the
service, ascended the pulpit stairs and
gave the minister the written requests
for prayers, explaining what was to be
done with them. A few minutes later
the congregation was puzzled and not q
The Minneapolis journal., 1906-08-12
The Lessor, stopped.

The teacher was taking a class In the
infant Sabbath school room and was
making her pupils finish each sentence
to show that they understood her.
"The idol had eyes, the teacher
said, "but it could not
- -"See,' cried the children.
"It had ears, but it could not-'+
"Hear," was the answer.
"It had lips,' she said, "but 1t
"speak,' once more. replied the chill
dren. -. $3.50. EFs :,
"It had a nose, but it could not ~
ttWipe it, shouted the children; and
the lesson had to stop moment. T.
Adelaide Swinburne.
The Minneapolis journal., 1906-08-12
He Gave Cheerfully.

Johnnie's father had given him a
10-cent piece and quarter of dol
lar, telling him he might put either
of them on the collection plate.
. (Which did you give, Johnnie7''
asked his father when the boy came
home from church. -., ..,.s> -.
"Well, father, thought at first I'd
put on the quarter,' said Johnnie,
that the Lord loveth cheerful giver,
and I knew I could give the 10-cent
piece a great deal more cheerfully, SO
I put that in.' H.
Drayton, N. D.
The Minneapolis journal., 1906-08-12
No Difference Of Opinion.

2. There is a difference. of opinion be-
tween a conductor and brakeman on
q certain line in Montana as to the
pronunciation Of the stations name,
" Eurelia''~ =,
: Passengers are considerably startled
on arrival at this particular station to
hear the conductor Yell. -
This statement is then confirmed by
the brakeman. who roars:
you really are; you really are!"
: Willmar, MINI. Il. M. Y.
The Minneapolis journal., 1906-08-12
A Woman's Tears.

my wife used to get nervous every
time she heard a noise at night, and I
thought she would get over it after
] explained to her that burglars don It
make any noise when they break into
q house" e',.-.=.. .---.'..
"Well, didn It shef''' "s>
"No, indeed. Now she gets nervous
every time she .doesn It hear a noise.'
Spring Park, MINI. r. r. H.
The Minneapolis journal., 1906-08-12
SECOND PRIZE.
This Story Gets So.
Didn't Expect Too Much.

Little Nellie had been very naughty
and her mama said, "Don't you know
you will never go to heaven if you
are so naughtyF' After thinking 8
moment the little girl said, fOh, well,
one can't expect to 20 everywhere.
I've been to Uncle Tom g Cabin once
and to the circus twice. L. L. M
Duluth, MINI.
The Minneapolis journal., 1906-08-12
Where He Wore His Crown,

The late Paul Lawrence Dunbar, the
negro poet, once addressed a Sunday
school and towards the close Of his re-
marks said: =
"And, my little friends, if you DO
wear gold crown, yes, each Of you
some day will wear a gold CROWN
A little chap on the front. row, catch
ing the poet s friendly eye, piped:
"My favver wears one now
E.No,'' said the poet. & that can t
be-" ~ - VIZ
eyes, he does too, right on his toof,"
said the little chap: 's$<3--F. IA. ~
Litchfeld, MINI. L.
The Minneapolis journal., 1906-08-12
The Absent-Minded Professor.

A professor Of sciences, well known
for his nt-mindedness, was en-
gagged in a deep controversy with a
fellow student when his wife hurriedly
entered the room. s"Oh, my dear"
she exclaimed, "I've swallowed a
pin:' -'~ ~.~ -
The professor smiled. ttDon It worry
tone is Of NO oe sae m soHsnn %ere
he fumbled at his lapel Here is
another pin.' ID. A. T.
Milbank. N. D, -. .-.---
The Minneapolis journal., 1906-08-12
His Address.

Harry Fnrniss tells good story Of
a distinguished but irritable Scotch lee
turer. The gentleman had occasion to
speak in small town in one of the
lowland counties, and it. CHANGED that
he met with a more than usually To-
" spoke for a whole hour in. " intro
ducing" the lecturer. II
He wound up by saying, "It is un-
necessary for me to say more, but call
upon the talented gentleman who has
come 50 far to give US his address to-
night ~ -. z.5ss.g /
The lecturer came forward. 'sYou
want my addresss LII give it to you:
322 Rob Roy Crescent, Edinburgh
and IN just off for there now. Good
night. (" 80 '5&+ IN. R.
La Crosse, Wis. - Nj =
The Minneapolis journal., 1906-08-12
A Safe Deduction,

The editor Of note and query col
umn received the following: s'.s
"Every morning when I go out find
two or three Of my hens lying on tn cir
What is the matters'
The editor replied: :~stsYour hens are
dead.' ---F. D. -.
Columbia, 8. D. .- - Il x :. -
The Minneapolis journal., 1906-08-12
Another irish Bull.

: An 1rishman got out Of his carriage
at a railway station for refreshments,
but the bell rang and the train left
before ne had finished his repast.
- Hould on!'' cried Pat, as he ran
like madman after the car, "hould
on, ye murthen ould stame injin-
ye,'ve got a passenger on board that Is
left behind.' p M D.
The Minneapolis journal., 1906-08-12
Nothing Unusual.

"What became of the Cromwell rel
les you had on exhibition here9' asked
a gentleman of the museum attendant.
.'Let me see,'' replied the resource
full worthy "Oh, yes, they were re-
turned to Mr.. Cromwell last week."
Dawson. MINI. E, R.
The Minneapolis journal., 1906-08-12
Taking No Chances.

An epi1eptic dropped in it on the
streets of Boston not long ago, and
was taken to "a hospital. Upon remov-
ing his coat there was found pinned
to- his waistcoat a slip Of paper on
which was written: n
'This is to- inform the house sur
geon that this is Just a case Of pure
already been removed twice: - rc.- d
The Minneapolis journal., 1906-08-12
Prizes for stories. printed on this

Prizes for stories printed on this
page are awarded as indicated. ..
For the coming week r h J our-
n al again offers IS. first prize; So
second prize. and So third prize. for
''the best story you ever heard" ...
1t Is not required that stories be
original, but new and good stories,
retold In the writer's own words,
Will be considered In the competltlon.
Write only on one side Of the paper,
giving name and address with each
story. Specify II you want your
initials used as signature. Do not
send clippings or enclose stamps, as
manuscripts will not be returned,
Stories should not exceed 800 words,
and should be of a humorous nature.
Omit lntroductons and be brief.
Checks will be sent to prize winners.
Write name and address plainly on
each story you send. ss So :.
Address, Best Story Editor. Jour-
/ nal, Minneapolis.
The Minneapolis journal., 1906-08-12
Objections Removed.

Last summer a well-known professor,
with his family, went to a small sea-
side resort and boarded with a farmer
who was in the habit Of taking guests.
This year he wrote to the farmer and
in his letter said:
"There are several matters I should
like changed. if I board at your home
again. We do not like the maid, Mary,
and we think sty SO near the house
is not sanitary.'
and we amt 'ad no hogs since you
went last August.''. Il. P. G.
Boston. Mass. -.
The Minneapolis journal., 1906-08-12

little amused to hear in clear and de-
iberate voice: IA man going to see
his wife requests the prayers Of the
congregation for his safe return
| The notice was: s A man going to
sea, his wife requests the prayers Of:
the congregation for his safe return. =
Hastings, MINI. Gssss.ss &C. II. =
The Minneapolis journal., 1906-08-12
Not Clever Enough.

The late Paul Kruger was not an elo-
quent man, but he excelled in brief and
pithy sayings. To a nephew who wanted
an office he said:
"My dear boy, you are not clever
enough for a subordinate position, and
Mrs. M. j. Bailey.
Custer, s. D.
The Minneapolis journal., 1906-08-12
Her Morning Toilet.

Two ladies exchanging notes on the
meth9d in which they spend the day.:
ring for my maid and get dressed.'
Glow long does that take7'
"Oh, ever SO long. You see the girl
takes a. full hour to do my hair
-. A full hour? Mercyl What do you
do while she is fixing it9 !" -
:. ~ go out in the garden and take
my morning walk" M. L. L
u Jamestown, N. D. #2E y 5
The Minneapolis journal., 1906-08-12

A remarkable showing was made by
the workmen on the first day, and the
girls were as careful of their new gowns
asthey were of their own Sunday dress.
es. It was noticed that in their desire
to keep the clothes clean, they were
much more careful OF the handling Of
the meats.
The packers are well pleased at the
result of clothing their 1000 working
people as "white WINGS
The Minneapolis journal., 1906-08-12

pork Forthcoming. One day he met the
boy alone in the schoolyard.
Look here, John;" he said, how
about that porkq" AOh,'' replied the
boy. the pig got well.
jamestown, N, D. R. @. D.
The Minneapolis journal., 1906-08-12

No Accounting for Taste

s A gentleman was disturbed in his rest
in the middle Of the night by some one
knocking on the street door. ! s
I "Who's thereq' he asked. =
2 "a friend,' was the answer.
L "What do you wantq"
= II want to stay here all night.
= "Queer taste; stay there by ( all
MEANS" was the benevolent reply:
Z. Jamestown, N. D. w. L.
The Minneapolis journal., 1906-08-12
PACKING HOUSE HANDS" WEAR WHITE
. WHITE WINGS AT swlFT's, SOUTH OMAHA.

Of the plant is now wearing suit of
duck and even down in the fertilizing
department., when the men report for
duty each morning they are dressed in
immaculate white.
These clothes are changed in the
dressing rooms at the packing houses,
and each morning fresh suit is given
each employee. During the night laun-
dries in the plants wash the soiled suits
at the expense Of the packers, not the
employees.
The Minneapolis journal., 1906-08-12
He Studied Fractions.

Mother-Harry how many sisters
has your new schoolfellowq
Harry-He has one, mama. He
tried to stuff me by saying that he had
two half sisters: but he doesn't know
that ] studied fractions.
st. Hilaire, MINI. M A. E.
The Minneapolis journal., 1906-08-12
Perfectly safe.

Two Irishmen were, moving some
kegs of powder when one noticed the
other was smoking, and the following
conversation engued:; r.. !
@<ftLook here,y' said one, "ain't ye
got any better since than to be smok-
ing whilst we're handling these .'ere
kegs Of powderq Don It ye know that
yesterday there was an explosion that
blew up dozen men ~ :. :, :
"Faith, but that could never happen
here" replied the other.
why not9o S@Es S@ts -. /, ,s..s
because there is only two Of us on
this job. ~. iiszse,as = 'sass H. 81.
Sanborn. N. D, -. 49,
The Minneapolis journal., 1906-08-12
Roardin, the Teacher.

kota tells the following story on him
self: In his early schooldays he had, a
position in a country schoolhouse in
New England. The people Of the dis
trict worked out their taxes by giving
him board and when there was no va
cancy in the farmhouses he took a
small room while his neighbors sup
piled him with food. One day a young:
boy came running breathlessly toward
him. W ~ Ss 5.sss
sSay, teaeher,,'' he gasped; temy
paw wants to know ifs you like porks -
20 Indeed, I do, the teacher replied,
concluding that the very stingy father
Of the boy had determined to donate
some pork to him. You tell your
father if there is anything in the world
I do like. it's pork. y
Some time passe6 and there was no
The Mitchell capital. (Mitchell, Dakota [S.D.]) 1879-1918, 1906-07-13
For Country Homes.

| u INSTALL a complete plumbing
and heating system in your home,
and yon can have all the convent
ences of a modern city home. baths,
hot and cold water. hot air, hot
water or steam heat, gas that YOU
can cook with and light your bones.
planning our system of fire protec-
tion for country homes. / handle the
famous Standard Sanitary Co. en-
amelled ware, pumps. cave trougbs,
conductor pipes, we'll casing pipe,
stove repairs, land best of all, We will
sell you just as cheap as the cata.
logue house, lay the material down
at your home and you save the
freight and time going to the depot.
We sell filters, that filter. Barnes,
opposite the postofice.
The Mitchell capital. (Mitchell, Dakota [S.D.]) 1879-1918, 1906-07-13
rection. Sioux City, which has thou.
SANDS OF the lady variety, has begun
d war of determination.
Surveying in Douglas County

Corsica Globe. III. c. Green. the
surveyor OF Mitchell, has Just COM
pleted Il re-survey OF Joubert town
ship. There has always been con-
siderable trouble i'm that township
in regard to lines and by a vote of
the residents 1T was decided to make
a re-survey. The people of the town
ship seem to be we'll satisfied with
the. new survey. They did we'll when
they secured the services OF Mr..
Green as surveyor. He is one of the
oldest surveyors 10 this state and
knows the lay OF the land through
out the entire state. He is always
sure to find the government knobs
thereby getting the lines absolutely
correct. MIR. Green has done con-
siderable work i'm this part OF the
state and has ALWAYS given perfect
satisfaction.
The Mitchell capital. (Mitchell, Dakota [S.D.]) 1879-1918, 1906-07-13
Modest Claims Always Carry the
Most Conviction.

When Maxim, the famous gun in
ventor, placed his gun before a COM
mittee of judges he stated its carry
ing power to he much below what
he felt sure the gun would accom-
plish. The result of the trial was
therefore a great surprise, instead
of disappointment. 1t is The same
with the manufacturers of Chamber
lain's Collie, Cholera aud Diarrhoea
Remedy. They do not publicly boast
OF all this remedy will accomplish,
but prefer to let the users make the
statements. What they do claim, is
that it will positively cure diarraoea,
dysente1y. pains in the stomach and
bowels and has never been known to
fail. For sale by all druggists.
The Mitchell capital. (Mitchell, Dakota [S.D.]) 1879-1918, 1906-07-13
PLEASE DON'T STICK d
IN indication That Another Stone
Debate May Arise Over the
New Federal Buildings.

Sioux Falls Press: The treasury
department. is advertising for offers
0fssites for public buildings at Mitch
ell. Lead and Watertown, the pro-
nosals to be opened on the Sth of
August. There will be an effort on
nhe part Of the treasury department.
70 construct the South Dakota build.
iRgS OF eastern stone. A strong
stand for native stone won in Sioux
Falls and can be made to win at
other places.
With the incident fresh in mind
Of. the fuss kicked up by Sioux Falls
concerning the use of Sioux Falls
stone in the state capitol, the above
indicates that Mitchell, Lead aud
Watert0wn are likely to be subjected
tcssome trouble over the erection OF
their public buildings by an incursion
into the field Of maternal by Sioux
Halls parties, who evidently are
going to. insist that these federal
Buildings shall be built of home
nsaterial. It is seen that they made
fts win ont, .evdently with a big
iefts. aaS Tits evident 'that Sioux
I. al' pI NEUTRALITY-SUSPICIOUS. .l = tactics
The Mitchell capital. (Mitchell, Dakota [S.D.]) 1879-1918, 1906-07-13

over here. If Sioux Falls can come
into straight competition with their
material, we'll enough, but it is to
be hoped that they will not resort
to supreme court tactics, ana other
evasions to sell their material.
These three towns, Mitchell at least,
would like very much to get these
buildings under way, but they can
be lampered by similar tactics as were
displayed by that city by trying to
supplant all other materials in the
state building. AS long as the
government buys its material in the
United States we have no objection
over here. tut we don't want to see
the building delayed by an effort to
sell Sioux Falls stone above anything
else.
The Mitchell capital. (Mitchell, Dakota [S.D.]) 1879-1918, 1906-07-13
A YEARS STATISTICS
he Births, Marriages and Deaths
That Have Occurred within
the County Last Year.

The statistics that are kept by the
clerk of courts under the state law
with reference TO the births. man
riages and deaths which occur in
this county Oiler an opportunity to
keep 4 record OF these incidents
which enter into the growth and
development OF the commonwealth.
With this record being kept in
every county of the state, d vast
fund OF information is stored away.
and in after years this information
will doubtless prove OF great bene-
tit to some one.
Clerk of Courts Cattrell has lust
MADE a summary of the statistics
for Dawson county for the veal end
ing June 30. The number OF births
for the year are 49,: The number of
deirtns reported were 10; the nun
Der of marriage licel. es issued were
ll6: the number CT naturalization
certificates issued we're "a; the
number of divorces weie g..
The Mitchell capital. (Mitchell, Dakota [S.D.]) 1879-1918, 1906-07-13
STATE FAIR AT HURON
Arrangements are Being Perfected
for a Grand Entertainment
in September.
IN September.

The prospects for Il good State Fair
at Huron this year are very ilatter-
Ing. The State Fair BOARD is putting
forth every etlori to exceed even the
favorable record of last year.
The premium list. which will be
out very shortly. will show a sub
s1antlal increase in the aggregate
amount of premiums offered.
The racing purses have been
strengthened materiallv.
An interesting line OF special
attractions have Teen provided for
the entertainment OF those attending
the iall this year. The 'fStrer Rop-
ing and "Broncho BUSTING CON
tests may be especially mentioned as
novel and genuine. The contests are
open tc all corners and entries have
already been made by responsible
parties, cowboys from the range
insuring the actual occurrence of the
exhibition.
The Aberdeen State Band of forty
pieces will be in attendance contin-
ually during the fair.
AS an indication OF interest. it is
found that applications for space
for machinery exhibits fully doubles
the allotment OF last year for this
purpose.
The railroads Of the state have
made a rate OF one fare for the round
trip.
The South Dakota State FAIR is
growing to he a great institution.
Our people are interested as exhibi-
tors, participants and spectators,
and it will not be many years before
ours will take rank with the best OF
similar institutions of older states.