The new age. [volume] (Portland, Or.) 1896-1905, 1906-04-07
GOOD
Short Gtories

e PoillCdl meeting III Eng
land, the speaker made Jest, and, find
ing that his audience had missed the
point of 1t, said, playfully: 81 had
hoped, gentlemen, that you would laugh
at that" A plaintive voice came
through the silence, Il laughed, mister"
Then everybody did.
A well-known Scotch author and a
young friend Of his had spent the whole
day on the links, and had had some
close and exciting matches. AS they left
for home, the elder man remarked: do
you think you could play again to-mor-
row, ladder WELL" answered the
youth. Il was to be married tomorrow,
but can put it off"
Proprietors of big concerns get ac-
customed to silent commentator and
Outspoken complaints. They are great
deal like certain restaurant manager.
To this manager patron said one af-
ternoon: Where did you get that
beef that you served me for lunch?"
And the manager, confident that COM
plant was forthcoming, said, holly:
well, sir, what was the matter with
the beefT Nothing" said the patron
that was why asked"
certain Irishwoman, on her death
bed, called her husband to her side.
Patrick" she said, I've a last ray
quist to make Of ye." Il couldn't ray
fuse We anything Mary, darlint," re-
spOnded the sorrowing husband. pat
rick" said Mary, solemnly, II want ye
sh'ud leave mother ride in the carriage
beside We to me funeril." "'Tis too
much ye're askin' of me, Mary!" cried
Pat springing to his feet in despera-
ton. Mary, however, was determined
on this point, and Pat finally yielded
to her last rayquist." III lave her
ride be me side" he promised, weeping
bitterly, but mark We, Mary, darlint,
twill shpoll the day fur me entoriely,
that it Wilt"
When Representative Smith Of Iowa
was fledgling attorney he was anx-
iOus to make a reputation for himself.
A prisoner was brought before the bar
In the criminal court in Iowa, but he
was not represented by lawyer.
Where is your lawyer" Inquired the
judge who presided. Il have none"
responded the prisoner. why haven't
your" Haven't any money with which
to pay a lawyer" do You want
lawyer?" asked the judge. Eyes, your
honor" There is Walter 1. Smith,
John Brown, George Green" said the
Judge, pointing to a lott of young at
torneys who were about the court
waiting for something TO turn up. And
Mr.. Alexander is out IN the corridor"
The prisoner eyed the lbuddlng attor-
neys in the court-rooml and after a
critical survey stroked his chin and
said Wall I guess will take Mr.
Alexander"
Frank N. Doubleday, khe New York
publisher, was in England last winter,
and had several talks with Rudyard
Klpling. One of the stories Kipling
told him was this: Il was in Cape
Town, South Africa, talking with DIR.
jameson, when the papers came with
the story of the revolution in Panama,
the secession of the canal zone, and the
formation of the Republic of Panama.
This particular story said that the
whole scheme had been engineered by
President Roosevelt, which is untrue,
Of course, but that is the way the story
went. jameson read it aloud to me,
and when he had finished. said: Cad,
Kipling, that makes my little eXpedi-
ton look foolish y" Doubleday thought
the story was very good. Next time he
came to Washington he told it to the
President, expecting to get a laugh. Il
fail to see the joke" said the President
tartly, and when Doubleday thought it
over he failed to see 1t, too.