davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1906-05-03
HE HAD ENERGY TO SPARE
Animal Of the Propulsive Posterior
Persuades Foolish Man to
Philosophize.

A man in the southwest had SO much
nervous energy to spare that when his
mules will and his crossed he tried to per-
suade the intelligent animal by a firm,
well-placed kick located on the mules alb
domen, relates the Minneapolis journal,
You should never play another's game with
him and expect to show up well at the
fms. The mule is now only a Phi. ID. in
the graceful art of kicking, but he has.
the science of it by heredity and by en-
joyment of the game.
When he felt the kick he saw with the
white of one of the eyes the man recov-
ering from the recoil of the kick, he mere.
ly moved his left rear corner slightly and
| Btubbed his hoof on the owner so severe.
ly that the man is now in the hospital
and has had II stitches taken on his
bump of perspicacity.
The foolish man sits in at the mules
pwn game, but the wise man persuades his
friend to try it and watches results FROM
a position 80 yards to the left.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1906-05-03

hills and ravines. and going up hill
the zebras' tally-ho had to be pushed
by a couple of elephants. cause the
zebras wouldn't pull the load and
going down hill we had to lock the
wheels, and slide down.
When we got on the main street.
where the crowd filed both sides, al
most up to the team. and the people
began to cheer, the zebras began to
waltz and kick, and try to jump over
each other, but the hands got them
untangled, and we worried along,
though pa was pale, and looked ike
a man smoking a cigar while sitting
on an open powder key. The fat
woman grabbed pa every little while
and screamed that she wanted to get
off and walk. but pa told her to hush
up and try to be a man.
Well, as we were going down hill
by a park, neal the Midland hotel
that COMPOUNDED calliope had got right
up behind the tally-ho, and the or
| SdulSl cut uSi lUOoCs WIN AN
"A Life on the Ocean Wave" Every
zebra jumped into the air, the brak'
footpiece escaped pas foot, and TN
tally-ho run on to the heels OF III
wheel zebras, and it was all Off. Their
never was such a runaway since tn
days of Ben Hur. Pa had presence o
mind enough to make the fat lady ge
down off the scat, and he put his fee
on her to hold her down, the crow
yelled, and our zebras run into tn
cage ahead, containing the behemot
of Holy Writ, and knocked off a hin
wheel, and every wagon ahead wa
either tipped over or disabled. In
people fairly went wild, thinking IN
runaway was a part of the show
The giant tainted from fright, 'caus
he always was a coward; the bearde
woman threw her arms around a r.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1906-05-03

and he said he put it OF because he
had a bunch that those zebras would
make for running water if they ever
got beyond control. Well, the crowd
followed down to the river, and every
body was rescued, and the rest of the
parade went over the route, and In
the afternoon the tent was SO full
there were thousands standing up.
When pa came into the main tent,
with the zebras, in the grand parade
around the ring, the crowd gave him
three cheers, which probably caused
the management to refrain from dis
charging him IN the spot. Pa Is Ike
a cat, cause he always falls on his
feet all right, and he thinks the zebra
tally-ho in the parade was the fea
ture that caused the crowd to visit
the show; but he says he Will nevel
drive zebras again, on account Of The
excitement.
The fat woman talks Of having ps
arrested for breaking II OF her RIB
when he held her down with his feet
but pa says his feet did not sink int
her more than a foot or so, and n
couldn't have hit a rib, nohow.
Well, am glad to be back in thu
show, cause there Is more going OF
than there was in the hospital, wher'
| put in a week while the doctors werv
pulling the cactus pin feathers out .
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1906-05-03

management was scared at what pa had
advertised to do, and they all wanted
to call off the zebra stunt, but pa said
ii they cut it out the people would
mob the show, so all day Sunday we
hooked up the six zebras, and the
hands led them around the tent with
n mule with a bell on ridden in the
lead. They seemed to go pretty well,
but | could see pas finish when he
got out on the streets with that crazy
team. Pa wanted all the freaks to
ride on the tally-ho, and he had Ill
vited nine newspaper fellows to ride
w,.u him. Pa thought the zebra team
would follow the bell mule ahead, like
q 20-mule borax team would.
Well, Monday morning the parade
| started, and along about the middle
OF the parade, just ahead of the cal.
Hope, was pa and his six zebra team,
his freaks and reporters, and pa han.
died the ribbons like a pirate. The
fat woman sat on the drivers seat
with pa, for ballast, and the rest Of
the freaks we're sandwiched in be
tween the reporters. We went along al
right for half a mile, the circus hands
walking beside the zebras, to kill then
If they tried to jump over q house
while I rode the bell mule. II hat
been planning the zebra business.
would have picked out a level towr
10 try It on, but Kansas City Is al
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1906-05-03
Car-Wheel Rhvming.

Explaining the vast output of verst
from Evanston, ILL.,, DR.. kellogg, Of
Northwestern university, says that il
is due to the fact that many students
ride daily from Evanston to Chicago
and are inspired by the regular
Clicking" of the car wheels to "thinh
in numbers" as it we're. This gives
a certain cadence and measure to
their spoken and written words, ant
soon they unc~onsciously drop into
poetry. This explanation alst
explains the contention OF Ger
tain bilious commentators thai
this was a happier world wher
there were no railroads-tnere wal
less verse. But, perhaps, the evil will
bring about its own remedy, for will
the extension of trolley and railroad
service, every one will get into thu
| rhythmic mode of speech, and ever.
person will be his own poet. Wit
SO much of it, hopefully remarks an
other writer, our ears will becom'
calloused to the canning lteratlIh
Of rhyme and beat, and we will no
notice it. Now, this street car in
spired verse jars upon us. The track
are so unevenly constructed an
"ioints" so badly done, that the cor
%sequent verse lacks smoothness. W
could not explain it before, but tina
is what ails it. We can now rea
our W compositions Of the past an
tell exactly where we ran owe a pei
bic or when we rode on a car tina
had a flat wheel" 1t is to be hope
that in consideration Of DR.. Kellogg
discovery, and Of the public patienc'
the railway companies will improv
their trackage and keep the rolltn
stock in order. 1t will insure
smoother meter.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1906-05-03
10000 Acres Burned Over.

A well-known Oakland engineer
states that the area devastated ny the
fire in san Francisco approximates w.
900 acres, or about Is square miles,
There are few cities in the world where
30 much valuable property is contained
in an equal territory. Within TINS 10
square miles were nearly 100 banks
some Of the finest buildings in the
world, thousands Of mercantile ana
manufacturing establishments, ana
more than 10000 inhabitants, besides
10000 t~ransieats.
Rebuild Fairmount Hotel.
Work on the great Fairmont hotel
California and Powell streets was COM
mepced Friday. A rough inspection
showed that only the woodwork OF the
building had been destroyed and that
the walls are in good shape. The build
ing would have been finished by tha
Aratfof next November and the opening
il 10 expected will not be delayed more
than three months after the date orig
,nallv set. The effects OF smoke and
fame On the outside walls are being 70
moved and In a few days the great
building will show few outward signs
OF the conflagration.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1906-05-03
To Ask Loan Of Congress.

Congress may be asked to appropri
ate $100, 900, 900 to rebuild a new
metropolis on the Pacific coast on the
site Of the devastated city, the money
to be loaned on real estate security
for rs years at two per cent. per an,
mum.
This project, 1t is said, will be laid
before the president and the leaders
Of both political prties in congress by
Herbert Law, a San Francisco capital.
ist, after a conference with the lead
ing business men Of the city.
Loss Of Life Exaggerated.
Secretary Metcalf, who went to San
Francisco as the representative Of the
national administration, with instruc-
lions from the president to report to
him regarding the conditions in the
stricken city as he should find them,
has wired the president a complete
summary Of the situation. He thinks
the loss Of life will not exceed 30v.
the injured being about 1000. The
loss to government buildings Is not
So heavy as the early reports indi.
Gated. Secretary Metcalf says, how.
ever, that the industrial and CONNER
cial losses are appalling.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1906-05-03
THEN He MADE HIS ESCAPE
Papa Had an Idea Which Proved to
Be Just What Was
Needed.

This may not be Il new way of get
ting rid of a persistent caller, but il
has certainly not grown stale by ap'
plication, and has tine interest of an
actual recent occurrence, relates Judge
The fathers business takes him out
of town a good deal. and the daugh'
ter has a caller with whom there Ii
an understanding that 1t Is only the
final stage before the engagement, Tht
other night the father served gen
eral notice that he must take an early
train, and must be called for it. The
same evening came the fortunate
young mar referred to.
BY ten O'Clock the cid gentleman ha(
the fdgets, and rapidly reached thu
conclusion that his comfort was
minor consideration in that house
hold. This is not true, but it Is
conviction that frequently seizes tn
head of a family when he is out o
sorts. He slammed several doors as
reminder to the caller. He raised tn
same noisy window three times, ant
if always makes more noise when be
ing lowered. He put out lights wher
ever they were not an absolute neces
sity. called to the younger children
that it was high time they wer
asleep, and dropped a shoe ever,
three or four minutes with a hope tina
it would serve as a hint.
When everything else had failed
and his patience was about exhausted
he went to the top of the stairs an
shouted:
"Gladys, did or did | not tell 20
to call me at 4:30, 50 that could &c
my train?"
"You told me, papa"
"Why in creation didn't you atten
to it, them"
For less than a minute there wa
some tall hustling below stairs an
one could have heard a pin drop viii
the caller was making his sneak int
outer darkness.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1906-05-03

"a that grew out on him IN Indian
territory. Gee. but IL ! had to leave
the circus business and 60 back to
school, I know I should die Of lone
someness.
l got a chance to talk with pa at
supper, and asked him if he was real
ly crazy, as the hands say he is, and
how he liked zebras, anyway, and he
said: "Hennery, zebras are Just peo-
PIE, they stampede just like politt
| clans and bankers, and business men
generally, and never know enough to
let well enough alone. The mule Is
the only draft animal that always
pulls straight, and gets there right
side up"
If I was going to run a circus for
easy money, and a picnic, l wouldn't
have any menagerie connected with
it, cause the animals make more trou-
BILE than all the rest of the show.
They are just like a lot of children
in a reform school, they don't want
to work, and they are just looking for
a chance to fight when your back is
turned, or to escape. They don't
know where they would go If they
did escape, but they don't want any
body over them, to teach them morals,
though when meal time comes the re-
form school boys and the menagerie
animals eat like tramps, because the
food is so good, and then kick be-
cause It isn't better. If your perform
ers in the circus proper do not suit
you can discharge them, and If they
are sick you can leave them in a
hospital, and go on with the show
and forget about them until they
show up in a week or two, pale as
ghosts, and weak as cats, and demand
back salary; but your animal has tt
, be taken along and petted, and wher
you give him medicine to save hi!
life, he will try to bite your hand off
And yet you can't help getting stucl
on the animals, and a man gets stucl
on the kind of animal that is mos
like him. The grizzly old granger
who never buttons the collar of hi
. shirt, and whose Adams apple look
like a hens head, will stay by tn
camels, hours at a time, the piou
\ church man feels at home among tn
sacred cattle, the strong-arm holt
up man will linger by the grizzl
bear, the prize-fighter will haunt tn
lions den, the garroter will gaze lo7
ingly at the tigers, the sneak THE
seems to love the hyenas, and the bi
game hunters watch the deer and ell
Some of us who have brains love II
monkeys, they are so human.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1906-05-03
Cures Cancer, Blood Poison and
Rheumatism.

If you have blood poison producing erup'
tions, pimples, ulcers, swollen glands,
bumps and risings, burning, itching skin,
copper-coiored spots or rash IN the skin,
mucous patches in mouth or throat, fall
ing hair, bone pains, old rheumatism or
foul catarrh, take Botanic Blood Balm (B.
B. b.. 1t kills the poison in the blood;
soon all sores, eruptions heal, hard swell
ings subside, aches and pains stop, and a
perfect cure is made of the worst cases
Of Blood Poison.
For cancer, tumors, swellings, eating
sores, ugly ulcers, persistent pimples of all
kinds, take B. b. B. 1t destroys the can.
| GER poison in the blood, heals cancer of all
kinds, cures the worst humors or suppurat-
ing swellings. Thousands cured by B. B.
B. after all else fails. B. B. B. composed
Of pure botanic ingredients. Improves the
| digestion, makes the blood pure and rich,
stops the awful itching and all sharp,
shooting pains. Thoroughly tested for
thirty years. Druggists, 81. per large bot
tie, with complete directions for home
cure. Sample free and prepaid by. writing
Blood Palm Co., Atlanta, Ga. Describe
trouble and free medical advice also sent
in sealed letter.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1906-05-03

Pa is stuck on the zebras. | do
not know what there is about a zebra,
unless it is the wall paper effects of
his exterior decoration that should
make a man leave all the other ami
mails and cleave INTO the zebra, but
pa has been putting in his leisure
time all summer breaking the zebras
to harness, and driving them single
and double in the ring Sundays.
Everybody about the show knew pa
was going to spring some surprise on
us. | have tried to reason pa out OF
his unnatural infatuation for zebras
but you might as well talk to a ricf
old man who gets stuck on a chorus
girl, and gives her all his money, ant
has to go and live at the poor house
A zebra always looks to me like {
joke that nature has played. Who, nu'
nature, would ever think of laying Gu
a plan for a zebra, and painting it IL
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1906-05-03
To Cuba, Every Friday, the Havana
Limited.


A swell Pullman train of dining car,
club car with smoking room, barber shop
and bath room, with barber and valet in
attendance; stateroom, drawing room and
observation sleeping cars, leaves St. Louis at
9:45 P. M. via the Mobile and Ohio r. R.,
and arrives at the steamship docks at Mo
bile at 800 p. M. Saturdays. On arrival
of the Havana Limited, the palatial
nineteen-knot, twin-screw s.. S. prince
George sails, and passes into the haF-
Dor of Havana at sunrise Mondays.
Returning, the s. S. Prince George"
sails from Havana at 500 2. NJ. Wednes-
days, arriving at Mobile at daylight Fri
days, and the Havana Limited leaves the
steamship docks at 900 A. M. and ar
rives at st. Louis Saturday mornings.
A delightful weeks outing-ineSpensive
and full OF interest. Low rate excursion
tickets good for six months. Call on your
home Agent or write Jno. M. Beall, Cen
eral Passenger Agent, st. Louis.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1906-05-03
MISSOURI G%LEANINGS.
Darlington witness. Kill. Himself.

Clayton-John NJ Oellien, a former
deputy sheriff in st. Louis county, took
carbolic acid at his home at Madden
vile, where he owned a saloon. and
died before a physician could reach him.
No cause could be assigned except that
he had been drinking. He is said to
have been subject to spells of despond-
ency. Oellien was n of the chief
witnesses against F. Seymour Barring
ton, convicted at Clayton of numbering
James P. Mccain. At the time Of the
murder he was motorman on the st.
Louis G. st. Charles line. His car car
ried harrington and Mccain to Bonfils,
and he talked to the men as they left
the car. He also testified to hearing
revolver shots and screams. On his
return from st. Charles, Oellien told his
wife that he wanted to lie down, and
went to his room. Soon afterward Mrs
Oellien found her husband dying. Cor
orner Koch announced that death had
been caused by acid self-administered
| Oellien was IS years old, and is sur
|. viyed by a widow and two children.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1906-05-03
Missouri Railroad Figures.

Jefferson City-The thirtieth annual
report of the state board of railroad
and warehouse commissioners for the
year ending June 80, which is 0 be-
Ing distributed, shows the increase in
mileage to be 1887 miles, and the to-
tai mileage of the state 7,S19.36. The
total taxes, state, county, municipal
and school, paid in the state by the
railroad companies is S1,565, 1902, or
considerably more than one-third OF
the total amount of taxes collected
from all sources. The six heaviest tax
payers are: st. Louis & San Francisco,
$249, 143. 10; Missouri Pacific, $780,
S79.9 Chicago, Burlington & Quincy,
$3.50, 031. SO; Wabash, SIZE, 275.11; Ter
minal Railway Association of st.
Louis, $780, 1886, and Missouri, Kansas
6 Texas, $SS,504.44.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1906-05-03

st. Joseph-Workmen engaged in
sinking a shaft near Quitman, Noda-
way county, think they have made a
rich strike. At a depth Of 400 feet the
men unearthed copper ore in small
quantities. Specimens Of ore have been
shipped to a st. Louis Assayer for ex-
animation.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1906-05-03
Might Help Some.

Bess-Jess is telling everyone that l am
two-faced.
Tess-I don't see how she can think
that.
THANK you, dear
Because if you had two faces, you'd
certainly wear the other ne."-Cleveland
| Leader.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1906-05-03
Snails Too Swift,

A young man from Philadelphia was dim
| ing with a friend in a downtown restau-
rant. Among the things the New York
adelphian tackled this part of the dim
ner he was greatly pleased.
II never had anything that tasted Sol
good in my life" said he. ~
"Why," said the New Yorker. don't
you have snails in Philadelphia"
YES" said the Philadelphia; Eyes, we
have snails enough, | guess, but the trou-
BILE is, there's nobody over there that can
catch 'em."-N. Y. Sun.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1906-05-03
Fatal Accident On River.

Clayton-Arthur Lamping, aged IS,
was accidentally killed near Valley
Park, on the Meramec river, by George
Coslow. a member Of a yachting par
ty, who was shooting at a bird. Lamp
Ing was on the bank, and the bullet
pierced his heart. The coroner's in
quest resulted In a verdict of accident.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1906-05-03
Methodists in Conference

Mountain Grove-Tha district con-
ference Of the Springfield district, M. E.
church south, was held here, The dis
cussions were very interesting.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1906-05-03
State Uniyersfty's Mock Trial.

Columbia-The annual mock trial
given here proved to be the best enter.
tainment in the university in years.
The trial was before the gates of st.
Peter. st. Peter finally admitted all ap-
plicants except DR.. G. W. Hethering-
ton, the athletic director, and Prof
Fritz Krull, professor Of music at the
university.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1906-05-03
Gave Life For Grandson,

st. Joseph-Mrs. Mary O'Neal, a
widow, aged 45, sacrificed her life for
her little grandson, the 2~-year-old child
of Mr.. and Mrs. Russell Richardson,
when she vas burned while dragging
the lad to a place Of safety. following
the explosion Of a gasoline stove.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1906-05-03
Kent Heads Missouri Commissioners

Jefferson City-The Missouri COM
m%issioners to the jamestown centen-
nial exposition perfected an %organiza-
ton by the election of the following Of
ficers: President, Henry T. Kent, of st.
Louis; secretary, James M. Irvine, Of
st. Joseph; superintendent, j. Ed.
C%rumbaugh, of Columbia. The COM
missioners will ask for a further APP
preparation with which to erect a Mis-
souri, building. Mr.. Crumbaugh's sal
airy was fixed at $125 per month.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1906-05-03
To Make Insurance Ruling.

Jefferson C~ity-State Superintendent
of Insurance Vandiver says that since
the warfare wagered against the larger
old-line life insurance companies in
this state. his department has been
overrun with applications from life in
suranee companies Of every conceivable
nature for licenses to do business in
Missouri. He says his department will
make a ruling that any of these con-
Germs applying for license must first
show that they have been in operation
at least one veal in the state in which
originally chartered.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1906-05-03
Walkers Sentence Committed.

Jefferson City-Walter Walker is to
be released from the penitentiary June
Is, his two-year sentence, which began
in July, 1905, having been committed
by the governor. Walker was sent up
from Jasper county for felonious as
sault upon a man named Deitz.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1906-05-03

Uphill Fight in Russia.

It is an uphill fight in Russia agains.
the vested wrongs of ages and against
the turbulent and elemental passions d
the mob, but there is reaso to think
that little by little II is being won 10,
reason. order and liberty.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1906-05-03

st. James-An old Frenchman named
Peloid hanged himself to a tree. A
few months ago he gave his property to
a neighbor. who in turn was to give
the cid man a home for life.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1906-05-03

Columbia-Under the influence Of
sunshine and fresh southerly winds.
Missouri soil has dried out rapidly
and Is in excellent condition.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1906-05-03

"Do you believe that one mind can abb
perb the sum total of human intelligence"
well, ! dunno. I've got a boy who
is a senior in college, you know."-Cleye-
land Plain Dealer.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1906-05-03

There are times, to be sure, when we
doubt our own wisdom, but these are
never concurrent with those occasions
when we contemplate the proper policy fer
our friends to pur. le.-Puck.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1906-05-03
Reward For Robert sassman.

jefferson City--Gov. Folk has re-
newed the 5000 reward for Robert Sas-
saman, who is wanted for murder in
Johnson county.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1906-05-03

A woman thinks nothing of eating
breakfast in a fve-dollar kimona, but she
would raise an awful roar if her husband
appeared in his 75-cent pajamas.--Atchison
Globe,