The new age., 1906-11-17

She Con shipboard) us the moon up.
dear2 He-If it isn't it's lonesome =
Exchange.
Madam-Have you had experienced
Cook-I've had tin places this month";
Harper's Bazaar.
Tommy-Pop, what is fret-work?
Tommy's Pop-Wrinkles, my SON.
Philadelphia Record.
She-So you have had a great many
thrilling escapes? He-Yes-I am still
a bachelor.-Detroit Free Press.
as he a criminal or a corporation
Iawyer?" Both. He's a criminal cor
Iporation lawyer. Omaha News.
Ethel-How long have the Newly
riches been in society? Bob-From the
way they play golf should judge about
two days.-Judge.
Bacon-She says she is % years old.
Egbert-Well, she looks as If she
would say she was about that old
4OAhcIb OldleSuldu.
Tommy-How do girls spend their
time? Jimmy-Trying to make little
boys stop asking questions and big
boys begin.-Exchange
Medium see large dark obstacle
rising suddenly in your way. Railroad
|Magnate-I guess that's my coal stock.
Baltimore American.
Life is so uncertain she said. ''I
know it." he replied, lets get married.
One of us may die within a few years" !"
Chicago Record Herald.
"De man dat nurses unreasonable
hopes" said Uncle Eben, may be fool
ish, but amt SO foolish as de one dat
nurses vain regrets. Washington
Star.
81 see, Katie, that New York Is to
have one policeman to every 521 inhab-
itants," said the lady of the house.
well, ma'am, I've got mine," was
Katie's reply.-Yonkers Statesman.
He-Do you remember the night I
asked you to marry me? She-Yes,
dear. He-For whole hour we sat
there, and not a word did you speak.
All, that was the happiest hour Of my
81 would deem 1t a great favor If
you would give me little writeup,"
said the poet to the editor. Nothing
mould v1IooSa Y,1o ,1nnro ropIiad fha odit
or. when do you contemplate dying?
Milwaukee Sentinel.
"You must change this ending, said
the theatrical manager; 81 want a play
that ends happily. "All right" replied
the obliging dramatist; "I'n have my
hero and heroine divorced in the last
act."--Ph Philadelphia Record.
Not the Kind He Wanted.--A smart
young fellow called out to a farmer
who was sowing seed In his field, "Well
done. old fellow, you sow; reap the
fruits" "Maybe you WILL" said the
farmer, "for I'm sowing hemp"
Grandfather enthusiastically Say,
Willie, don't you want to go through a
toy shop with me this afternoon and see
all the pretty things? Willie (indiffer-
ently)-I'm willing to, pop, If you will
get any pleasure out Of lt.-Life.
"Mr. JONES'" said the Office boy, 81
got ter get off dis afternoon. Me gram
mother is dyin'." 1--WE something for
you to do to-day, Johnnie" said Mr..
Jones "but you may go at 4 o'clock"
Jaw! wot good is o'clock T'-Judge.
News Editor-Here's a cable from
Constantinople saying the Sultan's prin-
cipal amusement Is soaring his wives
into fits. Managing Editor-Well, head
1t "a Harem-Scarem Fellow" and run
It In the joke column.-Philadelph
Record.
"You say you wouldn't like to get
outY exclaimed the prison visitor.
'Why, l thought you were in for life"
"Oh, worse than that, ma'am," replied
the convict I'm in for a Gouble life.
I've got two wives waiting outside. -
Philadelphia Ledger.
ElrSC 0lrl-N nat are you waiting
for? Why don't you finish your letter
to Ella? Second Girl don't know
whether to say Ever yours with truest
love-" or simply "Yours affectionately."
You see, l can't endure Ella-I think
she's detestable !-Tit-Bit
Gracie-Oh, Mr.. Nocoyne, how lovely
Of you to bring me these beautiful
roses. How sweet they are, and how
freshl 1 do believe there Is a little
dew on them yet! Mr.. NOcoyne-
W-well, yes-there is; but I'll pay 1t
Tomorrow Bits.