The new age. [volume] (Portland, Or.) 1896-1905, 1906-02-24
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Arthur Jagged 6)-Not yet-Illustrated
Bits.
Mrs. Pine-How many times have
you been married. Mrs. Golightly-
I'm ashamed to tell you; only once
Town Topics
! Prospective Husband-What mar.
Rage ceremony do you preferi Pros
pecttve Bride (the fourth time)-Catch
az catch can.-Ex.
Parker understand your wife 4.
pretty lteraryl Barker-Well, she can
read Henry James In the original with.
out a pause Puck.
"If it's a nice day, come and take me
out In your auto, Wednesday" But
suppose it's not a nice dayT "Come
the day before."-Ex.
Johnny-Come in. Sisters expectin'
you. Mr.. Stoplate-How do you know
she Isl Johnny-She's been sleepin' all
the Cleveland Leader.
do you believe In marrying a girl
! for her money! mot as a general
thing. but sometimes that's the only
way you can get 1t away from her,
Elk.
Mrs. Economy-How much are the
spectacles? Oculist-Two dollars. Mrs.
Economy-Can't you knock of one dol
lar7 I'm blind In one eye.-New York
Mail.
Gypsy Fortune-teller (seriously)-
Let me warn you. Somebody's going to
cross your path. Motorist-Don't you
think you'd better warn the other chap
Punch.
She thinking to take his mind off,
How restless the waves are, did. They
always seem to be clamoring for some
thing. Dad-Well, they won't get It II
l can help it--Ram's Horn.
Il have no home began the beg
gar. Sorry, old man." said the brisk
pedestrian, "but I have only one. How
ever, If you'll pay my bills, I'll give you
that "-Philadelphia Ledger.
Redd-Fine air up there in the coun-
try where I've been. Greene-Why
didn't you bring some Of 1t back with
your Redd-I did. It's In my automo-
bile tires.-Yonkers Statesman.
II hear that the new stars acting
brought down the house." Yes, 1t did.
In one week 1t brought down the house
from eight hundred to ten people and
the ushers."- Cleveland Leader.
Tired Thompson-Wuz yer ever be-
fore a judge1 Frozen Stiffe-I wuz.
Tired Thompson-What did ye git!
Frozen Stifre-Life at hard labor. I
wuz married by judge.-Judge.
A man lost leg in a railway acct
dent and when they picked him up sks
first word he said was: Thank the
Lord, It was the leg with the rheuma-
tism in it!"-Atlanta Constitution.
Wife Ito husband standing In front
Of mirror with razor in hand)-Are
you shaving7 Husband-No, 1 am
blacking the kitchen range. Where are
you-out driving or at matinee?--
Detroit Journal.
De Style-My wife tells me while out
in her auto you did lots Of damage.
Chauffeur-But, sir, when you hired
me you said your wife wanted me to
run her auto in the worst way.-Lip-
pincott's Magazine.
She-We ought to have an upright
piano for our new fat. It would take
up less room than our square one. He
Il can't afford to buy a new piano.
You'll have to turn the square piano
on end.-Yonkers Statesman.
The Wife-What luck. The Husband
(wearily)-None whatever. The Wife
Were there no servants In the intel
ligence office7 The Husband (sadly)-
Lots Of them but they had all worked
for us before.-Woman's Home Com
panion.
Lady-What Is the real difference be-
tween an apartment, a fiat, and a tene-
ment house? Janitor-In an apartment
the ladies don't have no children; In a
q fat they has one or two. More than
two makes any house tenement, mum.
Judge.
The regular patron, little pale and
wan, dropped YEARLY into a chair, and
took out his newspaper. "Steak, as per
usualT said the waiter. mo; l am
tired tonight" the patron answered
bring me a plate Of hash."-St Louis
Globe Democrat.
Little Brother-Do you know what I
think7 Sister-No; what is lit Little
Brother-I think II were not in the
room Mr.. Jones would kiss you. Sister
You impudent boy! Leave the room
instantly Translated for Tales from
Meggendorfer Batter.
Old Lady Ito chemist)- want box
Of canine pills. Chemist-What's the
matter with the dog7 Old Lady I'm
dignantly)-I want you to know, sir.
that my husband is a gentleman. Chem
list puts up some quinine pills In pro-
found Enthusiastically
"Say, boss" said the ragged indiyid-
ual, ARE you a philant-ropistr yes.
my man." answered the well-groomed
one. II believe may say that / am"