West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1906-04-26
mrs. DOLBY'S TALKS
The Deacon Looks Over the Family Al
manac aud Says Nothing In Reply.

gun to feel that there was no place
like home, when Mrs. Dolby sus-
pended her sewing for a moment to
look up and ask;
"Deacon Dolby, what do you think
of a man so years old, and supposed
TO be a good man, who will swearp"
d The deacon felt chill go up his
back, and he picked up a family
almanac lying on the table and pre-
tended to be interested in its con
tents while wondering ifh he could be
the guilty man.
at was last fall, ," continued Mrs.
Dolby, "and only heard of it the
other day, but it's Just the same as
If 1t happened this forenoon. You
was sitting on the fence by the barn
when a tin peddler came along the
road and stopped to talk with you.
| don't know what sort OF story he
told you, but all at once you started
to laugh. You threw up your arms
and your feet TO haw ! haw haw !
and you went over backwards into
the barnyard. AS soon as you
found that your neck wasn't broken
you got up and used language. 1t
was awful language. 1t was such
language that the widow Skinner
shivered as she heard It, and the tin
peddler whipped up his horse and
drove on. want to know what
you've got to say about itp Some
wives would have left the house
without asking question, but Pm
willing to hear your excuses"
The deacon didn't have any.
lie remembered that October morn
ing perfectly we'll The tin peddler
had stopped to tell him the latest
joke, and it was so funny that fall
backwards had been the result.
Just what he said after getting up
was not so clear, but he believed
that he had done justice to the oc-
casion. Mrs. Dolby waited two
minutes for his answer, but she
waited in vain. There was an IN
crease of severity in her tones as she
Zone night four weeks ago you
came in from the barn all doubled
up and said you had collie. /
thought it very queer that anybody
should have collie in winter, but |
gave you pepper sass and other
things and put you to bed and you
got over it. | let it go at collie, and
you never told me different, but |
have the truth at last. just got it
to-day from Mr.. Simpsons hired
man. Deacon Dolby, you deceived
your wife You went behind the
COW and twisted her tail to make
her move up, and she kicked you in
the stomach with both feet to once.
Why didn't you say so when you
came into the house? / know whv.
because, as you lay on the stable
floor, you yelled for the hired man
to get the pitchfork and knock the
cows head off, and your language
drove the man out of the barn on
the run"
Mrs. Dolby had slightly exag-
gerated, but the deacon set his law
as he remembered the occasion.
lie also INDUCED in a grim smile as
he recalled little performance in
the stable next day, but he didn't
think it best to enter into any wordy
explanations. He simply increased
his interest in the almanac and tried
to forget that he was not alone.
'1t wasn't over two weeks ago, -
resumed Mrs. Dolby, "rhat you
went over to the saw mill to see
about some lumber. When you
came home / spoke about the way
you was wearing your hat, but you
didn'. say nothing. That night ]
found a bump on your head as big
as hens egg. No wonder you
had 20 cock your hat over one ear.
I've waited and waited for you TO
explain how you got that bump, but
you haven't done so yet. / know
how il was-heard all about il
yesterday, and can tell you that
some wives wouldn't stand il a
minute. When you went 10 the mill
you found a lot Of folks skating on
the pond. Old as you are, with
your knee as stiff as gatebinges,
you borrowed a pair Of skates and
went on the ice to show off You
hadn't sksted rod before your fee,
went up and YOU struck on your
head. ] amt saying that was any
crime, but there arc over 80 people
who will make oath that after you
went down you swore like pirate
and offered to lick anyone there
with a hand tied behing you Dea-
con, are you going to beg my par.
don and nrnmise nnucr 10 dn ..