The new age., 1906-04-28

She-I wonder what ailment the
kissing germ causes He-Palpitation
Of the heart.-Chicago News.
Have you met him socially? Dear
me, no. Only In a business way. l
married his daughter. Life.
Wigg-Do you believe that every
man has his price? Wagg- Lots
of men give themselves away.-Phila-
delphia Record.
you two are thrown together
great deal, aren't you?" You bet. We
ride home on the same car at six
o'clock. Leader.
Ethyl-Did Annette get anything out
Of her breach-of-promise suit? Babette
Nothing at all; the man decided to
marry her.-Detroit Free Press.
Harduppe-If you will let me have
flyer shall be everlastingly indebted
to you. Miserleigh-Yes, that's why
must decline to let you have it.-Town
and Country.
Are they college men" mo; mere
| ~
they're not the finished product"
"No merely 'Rah material. ."-Phila-
delphia Press.
Curate (who Is going to describe his
little holiday in lovely Lucerne)-My
dear friends-I will not call you ladies
and gentlemen" since / know you too
we'll. l."-Punch.
Little Boy-My mamma has so much
money that she can buy everything she
wants to. Little Girl-That's nothing.
My mamma Is so rich she can buy all
the things she doesn't want.-Puck.
Women don't have logical minds!"
said Shrewd bluntly. ''They don't need
them if they're as lucky as l am" said
his wife sweetly. You see, have you
think for me !"-Detroit Free Press.
YES" she sneered, during one of
their frequent quarrels, 81 married you
for pity, and now" you don't
get any," he interrupted, "for all our
friends lavish 1t on me. me."-Philadelphia
Press.
Cadley-No; he isn't in our social set
any more. Wiseman-So l understand.
Cadley-Yes, he dropped out some time
ago. W1seman-Why, he gave me to
understand he climbed out.-Philadel-
phia Press.
Teacher-Johnny, for what is Switz-
erland famous? Scholar-Why-m'm
Swiss cheese. Teacher-Oh, some
thing grander, more impressive, more
tremendous. Scholar-Limburger p
Cleveland Leader.
Jones-There are some queer turns
In life. Jinks-I know it; turned up
at girls house tonight, got turned
flown and turned out, and now I'm CO.
ing home to turn on the gas and turn
in.-Town Topics.
Gaston-I tell you, old man, Miss
Watkyns Is a mighty sensible girl-the
most sensible girl, l think, ever knew.
Alphonse-I think you're right, my boy.
l wouldn't advise you to propose to her.
-Somerville Journal.
"Say, did you hear that ChOlly Soft
! d
formed on him lately?" what was lit
AppendicitisT mo; worse than that.
His rich uncle cut him out Of his will"
Baltimore American.
Mrs. Crawford-It's strange where
all the dust comes from. isn't it? Mrs.
Crabshaw-Yes, indeed! AS far as
can see, the only thing around the
house that doesn't gather dust is the
servant.-Harper's Bazaar.
"What was the most important bill
you ever had anything to do with"
asked the interviewer. "The bill that
did most for me-" answered Senator
Sorghum, was bill for services rem
dered Washington Star.
"You are an angel!" the young man
declared. Nonsense" retorted the de-
vout high church damsel. do you
know that the foremost religious digni-
taries have decided that there are 10
angels of the female sexW-Pittsburg
Post.
Elderly Man (greeting former ac-
quaintance)-I remember your faca
perfectly, miss, but your name has es-
capped me-" The Young Woman-I
don't wonder. 1t escaped me three
years ago. 1 am married nOw.-Chi-
cago Tribune.
81 would propose to you, but l fear
the effects of the excitement. When l
am excited my heart beats so family
that it is scarcely noticeable. "Well,
you know what the proverb saysT
"What proverb" Faint he never
won fair ady."-Cleveland Plain Deal
er.
Judge" said Mrs. Starvem to the
magistrate who had recently come to
board with her, I'm particularly anY-
Ious to have you try this chicken SOUP"
Il have tried it" replied the magis-
trate, land my decision is that the
chicken has proved an alibi.
delphia Press.
Mr.. Browne regret to say, dear,
that-er-concerning that birthday gift
| promised yOu-er-diamOnds are UP