Los Angeles herald., 1906-05-19

What is my fsvorite play? Oh well,
There are so many-how's this one?
Three men on bases, and no outs
The batter-up knocks a home runl"
A Russian doctor says hair is a dis
ease. Are baldheaded men immune7
Those actresses who sold kisses for
the San Francisco fund got face value
for them, II seems.
The sugar trust may be near its
end, but It still raises cane
orange-why do you prefer the
Elizabethan songs?
Lemon-'Cause no one ever sings
them.
The Standard Oil keeps everything It
can-except the ten commandments.
The Royal Worcestershire regiment
has left England for Turkey. To fur
nish the necessary sauce, perhaps?
Cupid subbing for the stork
Our handsome mail boy, r. Walter
Gose was not on the route on Mon
day and Tuesday of last week on ac-
count of Cupid bringing him q nice
boy. Hal Ha!-Lebanon (Va.) News.
walter WellI1lan" oil CnlCa2O mas
started for the North Pole. Some per-
sons will go anywhere to get away
from Chicago.
If Chauncey De Phew, instead of w.
A. Clark were to quit the senate it
would be worth while and would
raise the average materially.
They can't ascertain whether Castro
is in Venezuela or Europe Might try
seismograph.
A new Russian submarine can stay
under water twenty-four hours Huh!
Some Russian. battleships went down
nearly two years ago and haven't
come up yet.
Now that the Dewey has gone
through the Suez canal, that ditch
must feel like an ostrich which gulped
down an extra big orange and sue
ceeded in swallowing it.
Boozers Take Notice
Joe Jennings, who has heard that
$4,000 has been left him by an uncle in
New York, says there will be no cell
ebrating until he gets it.-Henderson
| (Neb.) Tribune.
The anchor of the battleship Illinois
smashed six-inch pipe of the Stan
dard Oil company crossing in North
river, New York. Another proof of
the governments growing contempt
for Mr.. Rockefeller.
The Topeka State Journal asks,
''What would Roosevelt do If he lived
in Kansas?'' He would probably board
the first train east
German manufacturers are now
turning outT combs made from milk.
The guess that they are to be used
in combing hairs out of butter is prob
ably wrong.
Mr.. Poppy-Marry me, and your
every wish shall be granted.
| Miss Magnolia-But 1 might wish
! that / hadn't.
The thought of the seven-masted
| Thomas w. Lawson converted into
an oil trust tank must make the pro-
prietor of Dreamwold feel like she'd
ding tears of kerosene.
Frank Damrosch says that what this
country most needs is more cradle
songs. This is an exceedingly delicate
way of putting it.
The Socialist candidate for mayor of
Little Rock, Ark, + is man named
Work. Evidently the Socialists of Lit
tie Rock have subtle sense of humor
or are beastly sarcastic.
Next!
Ross Calkins, our tonsorial artist, re-
ports the arrival of another little
shaver down at his house.-Cape Cod
Argus.
Witte is now in the position of the
man who let go of the bulls tail.
The United States treasury says the
per capita circulation is s32.22. Per
| capita" means $50 much ahead" You
are ahead il you've got youre. See?
Phoenix, Ariz., rises to declare that
1t is not the Phoenix mentioned in the
San Francisco dispatches, and stands
ready to produce an alibi.
Bernhardt
Players have been, and many have seen.
Whose claims on greatness all must
needs concede-
Irving, of strident voice and wondrous
deed,
Booth, Barrett and Modjeska. tragic
| queen;
Terry, and old Salvini--who. ween
Ranked with the greatest; Jefferson,
whose lead
In comedy was high. No praise they
need
From my poor pen! But, Bernhard, in
| your green
And rare old age, still sinuously fair.
Still thrilling and alive with mimic fire,
All these have passed, and left you
! only you!
You hold your own; none now with you
compare.
The highest pinnacle of fame can but
desire
Twere loftier. and thus mofe At for you!
w. H. G..
Ml ANT0NT1)AW *