The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-08-04
The Grand Promoter
1t Is a Cold Day When
Major Cr0tOOt Gets Lett


II beg pardon" said a well
dressed lady as she softly entered Ma
Jor CrOfoOts Office the other morning
as he sat with his feet en- his desk and
the stub Of a cigar in his mouth.
And excuse me, madam-excuse
me, replied the major as he threw
away the stub, dropped his feet and
Whirled around
I am engaged in mission of char
ity, and I hope you will see your way
clear to subscribe to it. We wish to
add nursery to an orphan asylum.
1t viii cost a lot Of money. and I am
one of the committee appointed to
raise it. Here is my book"
Il see" unused the major. as he
looked it over. Madam your object
is a praisewOrthy one, and I shall be
glad to aid it. I was left an orphan
myself when only two years old. and
you can believe that I have a feeling
for them. Yes, my father and moth
er were gOred to death by a bull when
I was hardly more than an infant"
How sad" sighed the lady as she
took the seat mOuOned her.
But life is full of just such sad
cases. madam. We have the poor or
phans with US, and they must be cared
for. How many are there in the
asylum you represent ~
over two hundred and we have TO
turn away many applicants"
well. we must attend to that. Your
LaAAALLB mere LlllS morning Is Wlldl may
be termed a curious coincidence. L am
Major CrofOOt. grand promoter of va
rious enterprises and what may be
called humanitarian originator. Not
an hour ago I received a charter for
the Incorporation of the Great Ameri-
can Orphan CONSIDER company, and
this afternoon 1 am to visit two orphan
asylums to explain the workings of the
invention. 1t is strange that you should
have come in on orphan asylum bust
ness as you did
And you have got something for
the orphans % she asked.
The greatest, grandest, newest thing
cut madam. Patented in America and
all foreign countries. We begin the
manufacture next week President
Roosevelt takes the first three ma
chimes. Then comes the new president
of France, and he is followed by the
Emperor of Russia and the King Of
England. I, as the inventor of the
machine. and the president of the com
pany, am feeling rather buoyant. Have
you a head for machinery, madam 81
Il am afraid not and yet hope you
will try to make me understand"
only too happy to do SO. Let me
start out by saying that orphan chill
dren get hungry as well as the other
Certainly"
They also have collie"
''They also need to be spanked oc-
casionally. am not an advocate Of
the bOotjack and hair brush, but as an
orphan child myself I remember that
there were days when actually lOnged
{ to be spanked. and wouldn't be good
TIL I got it. Among the two hundred
children IN your asylum there must be
many such
Perhaps" replied the lady in a
doubtful way.
ut takes a nurse at least ten min
utes to feed an orphan kid" continued
the major as he walked back and
forth. Three feeds a day means thir-
Is minutes for each child. You must
have nurse for every twenty child
rem You have ten at least in your
asylum. If these could be dispensed
with look at the saving"
but how can they be dispensed
with % was asked. s'The children must
be washed dressed, bathed and fed,
and human hands must do it. They
must also be attended to when all
ing"
Twenty years ago all dishes were
washed by hand. Then a genius in
tented a machine that does the work of
fifteen women 7 am a genius. I have
invented something that knocks the
dishWasher silly"
"And you propose to take care OF
children by machinery gasped the
lady.
you have struck It, madam. It car
be done, as I have successfully demon
stTated. My invention is a system OF
pipes, tubes. spankers and levers. all
worked bv the same DYNAMO We will