davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-12-18
HUMOR or THE DAY

What" she asked. do you think OF
man who keeps company with a glE1 III
s Sim 2. years and never asks hef TO mar
In my opinion it would be very hard
to get such a man cornered. '-Chicago
Record-Herald.
She Cooking away ofr)-How clear the
He~Yes: just swept it with my eye
Boston Transcript
when 1 composed this two-step play
ed it over for a publisher, with an idea q
selling 1t to him. The next thing / knew
sack
: literally stole a march on you, didn't
he?"-kansas City Times.
at That new Ts2oEter fen down on big IS
:. City Sidewalks in Winter Baltimore
American.
Il hope this time you've brought me
matches that will light, my son" Yes.
mother" said the little lad; i've tried
them, every one."-Boston Transcript
Miss. Pert-"It's a good plan to think
twice before you speak" Mr.. saphedde-z
bst t a but wh snted DO that don't foF yoa
know. ''-Philadelphia Record
Yes" said MT. sMeelllEman. TIM looking
h6P PEie shuFs know yo, ali bsd ab sS
experience with an automobile?" Not
exactly, sor, but wuz tossed be a bull
wanst. "-Philadelphia Press.
Ruggles-"How are the heating ar
engagements in your flat?" RamaSe-
Heating arrangements? There's a miti-
eating circumstance or two in the base
ment I believe, but don't know of any
thing as definite as an arrangement
Chicago Tribune.
TT is no longer possible for a man to
succeed in politics merely by spending
money. NO, answered Senator
Sorghum, 1.-The chances now are that the
opposition will have as much as you can
get together. The only chance is to show
superior smartness in placing it.''-Wash-
ington Star.
''Our cooks-we always have three, you
know Three cooks2" tOh, yes!
The one that's going, the one that's COM
ing, and the one that's here. Puck.
sflstfssss -fseTersfy5n ssJarie. the PLANO
looks like 1t had not been busted for a
month" Servant-'sThat's fault of
mine. na'am, I've only been here q week
Chicago Daily News.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-12-18
REFLECTIONS OF A BACHELOR
[From the New york Press

EFrom the New York Press.1
When you remember about avofHirs5
temptation it's too late.
You can never convince a girl that 4
man loves her unless she can rnaIre
him jealous.
Men are 50 naturally conceited that
even one with whiskers thinks peonIe
admire them SS'S
Hardly any rich men could make a
living following the advice he gives 70
young men on how to do it.
lionaires brags about having ridder ~
the same street car with one.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-12-18
FRON OTHER PENS
D0WIEISM.

It seems to have taken a great deal to
convince the disciples of Dr. Dowie that
he was crazy. Nearly everybody in this
community came to that conclusion
years ago when he first announced that
he was the reincar1ation of the Pro
phet Elijah and when he was subject to
paroxysms of ground1ess rage and I'M
comfortable vituperation. In spite of
all this his admirers still chung to his
infallibility until last Sunday. when he
imagined himself delivering a funeral
address over a deceased military hero
Perhaps his disciples also are "a little
queer. Chicago Chronicle.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-12-18
COOP FOE BOTH.

1t is encouraging to notice the alacri-
ty with which the railroads are dis
posed to obey the law which they con-
strue prohlblts them from trading edi-
torlat transportation for newspaper ald-
Veruslng- Whatever may be said of
the wisdom and justice of other fea-
lures Of the rate Law. this feature as
construed by the railroads will change
very loose and unbusinessike prac-
tee into one that Will in our judgment
be decided advantage to both the
arllroads and the INSTRUMENTATION
Recorder
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-12-18
THE DAY OF RECKONING.

HOW are the mighty fallen! John ..
Rockefeller, richest man in the world,
under Indictment at the hands or an
Ohio grand iuryt The march of public
opinion, the publication of the national
atmosphere, the popular discrimination
to follow wrongdoing to its logical pun
ishment. the growing fearlessness OF
wealth and position and power as such;
these are well illustrated in the haling
Of the counrry's richest man to the bar
of common justice.-Dayton Herald
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-12-18
Christmas Travel.

Holiday travelling, particularly at
Christmas time, is a pleasant and a
stirring thing. The conductors, motor
men and brakemen are CHEEKY The
crowds of passengers and sightseers
have removed the asperity of their el-
bows, and the foolish haste from their
steps. All journeyings on trolley car
and steam ear, the hour-long wait in
parboiled stations, the changes. at
draughty jUnctions-al1 the taxing,
racking details of travel are oiled, as
it were, with a sudden amenity. It is
possible for each traveller to contri-
butte his drop to the tide of good will.
IN a packed train it will be helpful to
hold the ticket in readiness for an over
worked conductor, who is not material
~ benefited by waiting for a passenger
to search nine pockets and a derby hat
for pink trip slip for a one-way fare.
The Travel Mage zine.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-12-18
He WILL IN TINE.

The people would have a good deal
more faith in Congressman Miller's at
tempt to bring the price of lumber
down TO where it could be touched by
standing on tiptoe if he would advo-
cate and assist in the revision of the
Dlngley tariff schedule which is at
least partially responsible, instead of
introducing a resolution in congress to
probe the lumber trust. It is the tariff
tnat makes trust possible whereby
the lumber dealers of this country pre-
vent competition with the foreign lum-
Der mArket s.-FarsonS Sun.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-12-18

The San Francisco agitators allege
that war with japan is sure to come.
If # ever does come, the San Francisco
agitators will be the first to scream for
the federal government to head off the
Japs from attacking them, although
they are now puhsuing a course TO pro-
woke Japan and defying the federal
government to stop them.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-12-18

lie sentiment is constantly at work. No
spasnodic determinations are attempted
BY the people. The home ministers
and the home people are always at
work Sabetha has reason to look
with satisfaction on Its achievements
and its prospects.'s
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-12-18

There are many ways Of advertising
a town. but the following from the
Sabetha Herald will strike most peo-
ple as good advertising for that town:
ssvve do not think there Is anything
the matter with Sabetha- There is
not a liquor permit here The town
has no joint You could not set a drop
or liquor at any drug store-in Sabetha
1t any price. You could not get liquor
al O. drug store on a physicians pre-
scription There 4 not a blood and
thunder novel sold In town. No cigar
estes are sold here There is not a
bow in town who smokes cigarettes.
The people young and old are pretty
wall behaved here. a. wholesome pub
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-12-18

Naturally says the Washington
Star. ''the people who do not like
President Roosevelt did not care much
FOR his message" But are there any
such people outside the United States
senate, the penitentiary and san Fran
rf~~o
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-12-18
Mixed on Ills Dafes.

Some day some poet of sufficient
caliber of greatness will write the epic
Of the 'one-night stand" Meanwhile
that poem is recited by all great hearts
who have to travel that route in order
to I'LL In between the longer dates. Yet
if a thing has its hardships, it has, too,
its humorous side, although it comes
only too rarely to the surface.
During Miss Shannon's co-starring
tour with Herbert Kelcey in sherlock
iHolmes," they made tour of the Pa
scific coast, playing a great number of
one night stands with fattering f1nan-
cial return though with considerable
wear and tear upon their nerves. So
many places were visited that even
those mem bers of the company who
had retenttve memories become con-
fused as to. the precise city in which
they were playing.
Mr.. Kelley, who was scoring a great
success in the part made famous by
Gillette, was one. of the most forgetful,
and after a. time became quite befud-
died, though he tried his best to figure
it out One night he was called upon
to make a speech at the conclusion of
the third act. He came forward full
of confidence, and he made his speech
to the cordial reception which he had
just received, and he expressed the
pleasure which he always experienced
in visiting Fresno, to the enterprise of
the citizens of Fresno, the charm of
the buildings of Fresno. the greatness
of the resources of Fresno, etc
To his amazement his speech was
received in utter silence. When the
curtain went down. he turned to Miss
Shannon. who was trying to control
her laughter. why, what's the mat
ter?" he said.
''Oh, nothing" she replied, Except
that this is Sacramento. The Bo-
hemian.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-12-18
A GOOD SIGN.

The election in Kansas City of the
citizens candidate for mayor over both
the Democratic and Republican candi-
dates is a good sign, Next to govern
ment by commission give US a nom
partisan administration of city affairs.
Wichita Beacon
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-12-18
PUT HER TO WORK.

Mrs. Storer claims she "created
Roosevelt" And. here she has been
allowed to waste her time playing sec
ond fiddle TO Bellamy at dinky Euro
pean courts! Let her be put to work
at once, if not sooner on Fairbanks,
Bryan and all the rest of tn em=and
name her own salary. she'll be worth
1t, Whatever it is.-Hutehinson News.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-12-18
WARNING TO VICTOR.

Congressman MIrdock accuses the
RAILROADS. OH sA5erAh atgAIak tl2e~sg avAr1irl
n1ent foe ear EXiFig zHffa znalIs. and-if THE
redheaded congressman from Wichita
isn't careful he wiff4receive mighty lit
tie help from the railroads in his cam
paign for senator.-zParsons Sun.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-12-18

There Is a deep. dark suspicion that
James Rudolph Garfield. who Is to be
the new secretary Of the interior. will
continue to prod into the land frauds,
even more vigorously than the present
secretary has done.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-12-18

Seriously" says the Leavenworth
Times. could the governor do a finer
thing for the advancement Of the cause
OF true temperance than. to advocate
strongly in his message the resubmis-
sion OF the prohibitory amendment.
this action looking toward the adop-
ton Of a local option. high license
treatment Of the liquor question? q This
Is said seriously. SO please don't laugh.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-12-18

The president will give in cheerfully
TO congress on such small reforms as
simplified spelling. but when it comes
to railroad regulation congress does the
giving in.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-12-18
WISE MOVE.

After reading the presidents mes
sage to congress, it appears. that the
wisest move the Americans can make
is to place President Roosevelt's name
at the head of both the Republican
and Democratic tickets in 1905
Lindsborg News.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-12-18

In the report Of a lecture in the
Boston Transcript occurs the follow
ings s'Pragmatism in its ali-around-
ness must consider plurahsm. Monism
must establish unity. otherwise 1t is a
failure. Pluralism may easily be sat
isfied with a small number. Pragma-
tisrn abjures absolute monism. and
also absolute Dluralism. Since mon
ism Is devoted to one. then pragma-
tisrn must be classed with pluralism. -
Henry James Is clearly not guilty
however. for had he written it. it
would have been q single sentence.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-12-18

You will note that the battleship
Kansas is acuuitting itself all right,
even il it didn't have some good wine
wasted on its PROV.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-12-18

Many people regard a salary of
$1,000 year as fair remuneration
Yet John D. Rockefeller's income is
equal to that of $4,000 people at $1,000
a year each
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-12-18

Many people are complaining of the
crowds they find around the Christ
mas counters. The chances are, how
ever, that the crowds viii never be less
tul December rs. In the meantime.
buv yours early.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-12-18

When the Missouri Pacific carries
out its plans regarding its north and
south road. Topeka will no longer be
lust a sidetrack on the Missouri Pa
cifc map
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-12-18

1t would probably work the same
way in Topeka that # does in Paris.
II 2 policeman were stationed at the
church doors to keep people out,
everybody would be anxious to get in.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-12-18

The only reason to suspect that we
may have a war with japan some
times is that Japan is saying nothing
about II. All the war talk comes from
this side of the Pacific.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-12-18
NOR ZOE THEM

Senator Penrose and Senator For
aker might start an investigation con-
corning the award of the Nobel peace
prize TO Roosevelt, to ascertain if he
got it by false representation They
have never found him a peaeemaker.-
Salina Journal.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-12-18

1t is 10 be hoped that other reforms
win not stub their toes and fall down
IS spelling reform has done.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-12-18

Much Of this alleged news thai
comes from Hawaii appears to be Of
the Mole St. Nicholas and Shanghai
variety
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-12-18

isWhy,'' inquiries the Baltimore Sun,
s'shduld grafters seek office 2" You
guess.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-12-18

1t took over nine columns Of solid
nonpareil for President Roosevelt to
tell what he savr-4Ff---EE7as aaesEaaas-- from
which it may Judged Thai Mr..
Roosevelt kept tolerabIy busy
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-12-18

President. Roosevelt made. a brief
stop at Colon. which goes to show that
he knows SOM thing about punctua-
tion.-Toledo Blade.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-12-18
EEEI IA sMAs HED.


By this time the Hon. BelIamy Storei
must feel like a battalion Of the 25t1
infantry.-New York World
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-12-18
IVA MICE THERE.

The woman who boldly decIares That
she win find the North Pole is well
aware that there isn't a mouse in the
Arctic circle.-Philadelphl Ledger
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-12-18
FINE ILLUSTRATIONS.

Senators DepeW and FIatl aIE HII5
Illustrations that the people cannot do
what they wish to be done--Ohlo state
Journal.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-12-18

1t would seem that the professional
rn11clx-ra kers have been loa1ng on theil
inb They didn't tell half the truth
about San Francisco. delphia
Ledger.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-12-18

Washington is about to have Sc
we're eruption OF statesnanship--C Chi
cago News.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-12-18
E,xPEcT soMETHING GREWsoMl

Folks go to hear Senator Tlllman talk
because they hope to hear him explode,
the same as they go to an automobile
race. because they think somebody ma y
be killed.-New Bedford Evening stan
fo-d.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-12-18
THEY NEED THE HAT.

The limited States CONSUL at Yokoha'
ma denies having said that the Japs are
ready to fight US TAT the drop Of the
hat.' The hat would not be droppet
anyway until both SIDES got tnrousi
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-12-18

Il hope this time you've brought me
matches that will light, my SON. Yes
mother" said the little lad; i've tried
them, every one. Boston Transcript
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-12-18

THAT new reporter fell down on his
first assignment" w hat was it?
g City Sidewalks in Winter Baltimore
American.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-12-18

She Cooking away off)-How clear the
He-Yes; just swept it with my eye
Boston Transcript
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-12-18

Miss Pert-"It's a good plan to thinl
twice before you speak" Mr.. Saphedde-
~ es-es; but when I do that I forge
what it was 1 wanted to say, don't yol
know Philadelphia Record.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-12-18

when composed this two-step play
ed it over for a publisher, with an idea of
selling IT to him. The next thing knew
he had it copyrighted and had the
sack
literally stole a march on you, didn't
he?'-kansas City Times.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-12-18

rangements in your f1at?" RamaSe-
Heating arrangements? There's a niti-
eating circumstance or two in the base
ment. I believe, but I don't know Of any
thing as definite as arrangement. -
Chicago Tribune.
The Barre daily times. (Barre, Vt.) 1897-1959, 1906-08-18

ridieale or the lrreverent might rob
the governor OF the nomination. but
Hoch declared that the story was
gross exaggeration Or an innocent Incl
dent. and Mrs. Stanley subsequently
corroh0rated him.
Governor E40ch sexuberantlyexrre
i've in his language aud in message
10 the senate last winter stirred Up the
temperance element Of his constituency
10 a bot pitch until be explained that be
had used certain words Ia a Pickwick-
Ian sense. ''Set EN- ND. was the Of
fensive expression It is said TO be a
formula wei understood Nv those who
frequent places Of liquid refreshmsnt.
A senator had absentmindeaiy causes
bin 70 be passed twice aud the gov.
ernor IN sending back TIE superfuous
bill suggested that the senator set 'em
up The senate. thinking such ian
guage unbccoming IN the mouth Of the
governor or prohibition state. passed
a resolution Of inquiry. requesting the
governor 70 explain what he meant 10
a message ii response 10 this resoiu-
ton the governor said. ~This expires
sion. used playfully and without any
particular meaning. seems &c have
caused the emaciated corpse of the
Democracy Of Kansas 10 sit up and
take notice. lf the angel Gabriel were
to blow a blast upon hts trumpet the
Democrats would sleep on undistnrhed.
bit Il be were even 10 whisper the
magie words. set 'em up.' frem The en-
tire aggregation, headed by the faIented
and handsome senator from Atchison.
would come the answer In swelling
tones. We VIII have the same. z
Not long ago Hoch's own paper. the
Marion Record. took advantage OF his
absence on state business fa tell a story
OF his experiences IN the ere shopper
days OF the Record Hoch had been
messing around the press and needed
bath. A can Of concentrated I've was
handy and the embryo editor thonxht
that Il Il would take the dirt OF type
II would take Il of the tynesctter. 50
be PUT some In his bath water .Tne
governor Il thick skinned. the Record
said. in continuing the story. ehut the
I've worked through HI time TIE had
heard that It Was no use 10 XIII u liz.
but be concluded that that I've was not
committing suicide hut rnrlr9er. 50 he
rushed 70 his otiice 70 write hts ohltu
ary But he survived. and the obituary
was never published
The Barre daily times. (Barre, Vt.) 1897-1959, 1906-08-18
CH0kED HIMSELF
WITH "A HAYF0Rk
Axcused Of IHeradiaFism. Matt Sanek0i.
Ski Ended his Life la
Novel Manner.

Because he was suspected OF starting
s. era which destroyed ditehing ma
calne of the North Branch Ditching
company, Matt Smek0fskl. i polander.
committed suicide AZ LIndstrcrn, MINI,
by hanging himself OK havfork
The ditehlnE machine had been
standing ii slough about three miles
from North Branch. partially sub
merged Ia water. During tha absence
Of the crew 4 IRE broke out which
Totally destroyed tie machine. causing
loss az $4,000 Because the IRE broke
out at the opposite end from the en-.
CINE room incendiarisa was suspected.
The ditch at Lindstrom runs through
settlement oE POIandeFs. WHO had
expressed dissatisfaction With the
work. claiming that they were assessed
Tor something that did not benefit
them. Suspicion censered Oh Mate
Snek0fski as tie incendiary. He took
fright and. srming himself with a shot.
gun. threatened 10 shoot any one who
approached his farm for the purpose
o. arresting hin.
Srek0fski went 70 the barn and slept
all Night tn the haylcgt The next
morning. on going 10 lock for him. hts
wife found him dead. hanging On the
hayfork The fork was q two tined
Implement. and Snekofski had buried
one end Of It il the hay and, placing
his neck between me prongs, had
raised his feet grom the aoor az the
loft and slowly struggled to death.
The Barre daily times. (Barre, Vt.) 1897-1959, 1906-08-18
CONE N. THE WATERS FINE.


/ have had invitations from my Wealth.
~ relations
Humbly begging my attendance At
their houscs;
I've hgd bids 70 ball and party that were
earnest. warm snd heagtys
I'xe been asked 70 Join Bohemian
carouses.
I'ee heca asked 10 take a ainket whore
I shouldn't spend plunket,
Though we took joyous journey
down the iine,1
Bas tbs best. beyond a doabt, wss that
old.t hayhood shout
From the swimming hole Come
IN. the waters hnein
Hass The landscape fairly wiggled while
y0u raptafouslv wriggled
From the garments That were stick
ing % your skin;
Md the sycamore wss leaning all pro
tectin1ly eareening
O'er The iimpid pgol that struck you
al the ehin.
With q wh0op Of satisfaction YOU were
speedily in action
No sneh wealth was ever digEed from
out niine
A. was yours for less than asking AZ
yon snlashcd "a lay a-hasking,
After needing that Come III, the wa.
ter's inesH
N0w | toll from morn tiil cleaning, do.
ine 0tiice grinds or roaming
Where the avenues of trade are ever
thronred
must dress in garh 81 fashion, sans
compunction Or compassion,
Else the public would be wonderfully
wronged,
Bit when'er the sun i burning, 81 my
sonl there comes a warming
For The call we loved IN bcyhood,
brother mime
Ringing ioyously and clear on q mighty
willing car,
And its burden wasi Tome III, the
waters fine
Strickiand w. Gillian in Chicago
Daily News.
The Barre daily times. (Barre, Vt.) 1897-1959, 1906-08-18


there are some and promptly lays II
70 Clement. There il nothing whatever
ia the law passed by the Vermont Ieg.
stature two wears ago thar attempts
to bind voter, hand and lirnb, To ans
party with which he may, at the time
of registration, have thought he was
going u vote. The apparent inteRt ii
the law was u eunfne voter 10 one
party caucus and not to go rambling
about from eauens Ia caucus the law
does net try 70 govern ths elections
themselves simply the primarie-. Ana
vet il il perhaps not 10 be wondered
at that soms Vermont yoteFs should
have become sntangIed in the insriea-
eies u this legal instrument. even with.
out the services 81 Clement, whom the
Free Press accuses Of aiding and abst.
ting ia The confusion. The esneus law
requires good deal al study to become
clarified, and il grasped only after 4
strong effort. Possibly By another cam
paign we may have somc other law foS
eur guidaEiee in primaries. Bit until
such time Al il il secured. let all voters
bear ia hind that they ono and all have
the right to csst their ballots this fall
for whatever candidate they wish. S.
long a. the Australian ballot system i
IN force, the voters can exercise their
right Of selection among the various
candidates.