The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-03-10
PILGRIM JOE.
A Pilgrims Life Is Full Of yicissi-
tudes.


tudes.
wish to caution the public again
Teller in the east who has brung out a
cough cure called: Pilgrim Joe's Ger
tain Cough Cure" L know nothing
about the compound and have given no
one the right to use my name. For
fourteen long years all my efforts have
been concentrated on my Pilgrim Pain
AlleviatOr, and it stands today without
a rival Having lately Investigated sew
eral cases where my Alleviator seemed
a failure, I feel in duty bound to say
to the public:
It is not baking powder
It cannot be used in place of soft
soap.
It is in no sense a rival of con
densed milk.
It should not be used in making the
family mince pies.
It will not help a gambler to the
It viii not aid you to win horse
race.
It will not help you to hang on to
life after you have reached the age Of
Pay your debts, take according to d.
rections, stick to the truth. and you
will find nothing to equal the Auevla-
tor.
L
Paradise on my semi annual tour of
the state of Kansas. and I was feeling
! how good it was to be follerlng the
/ lamp of Integrity instead of hanging
at the end OF a rope, when l meets up
with a critter with a lame leg, sor-
rerful look and pack on his back.
/ When we had conversed for few
minutes he says:
See here, old cock, I've got some
4 thing that will turn them old grey
] locks of yours to a glossy brown or
] black in about two hours and make a
regular masher of you. It's something
Of my own invention, and ITS caiieo
! The African Hair Restorer- me price
to you will be only twenty-five cents
a bottle Put it on with a hairbrush
and then currycomb 1t IN
Thanks" says I, but it's these old
I gray locks that are helping me to sell
an average of two dozen bottles of my
/ celeb rated AI1eviatOr every day IN the
week. Grey locks and a truthful
tongue go together"
After using half the contents of the
bottle you could marry a wider not
over thirty years old
Il could do that by taking my Allie
shed be rich and handsome wild
der" he coaxingly continued.
MY friend" says I, strongly sus-
pecting that he was not a good man,
''if I meet up with man who owns
a white hog and wants to change the
I color. 1 II recommend your xAAA4IE-Al
nostrum, but I don't banker after It
myself do change my shirt once in
three or four weeks, but never the
color of my hair. There's nothing gid
dy about me. and am not referred to
Then you won't invest?'' says he as
he sets his jaw.
mot today"
And you won't help out a Teller Pill
grim who is playing in hard luck ?"
Ac dannfTG the n11NliC.
can't consent to deceive myself.
Then he stood back and pinted an
accusing finger at me and called me
names and said I was a liar and a swim
der, and when I felt to pity him and
would have driv on he seized my old
: boss by the bit and prevented 1t was
more in sorrer than in anger that L al
last got down and knocked him into
cooked hat, and as he fell on his back
l [ heard the sounds of broken glass
t and knew that the thirsty sile Of Kan
sas was drinking up his African Hail
Restorer. I would be at peace with all
2 mankind, and have no fear that any
| body's hair restOrer viii AFFECT the sales
of my AIleviatOr but when have been
driv to q certain pint mankind must
look out for itself.
A week later I entered the town Of
l Jim Crow feeling as balmy as the only
! goose on a pond, and having nothing
but love for the world in my heart But
what awaited me2 The postmaster Of
I the town was a man of guile. 1 sus-
pected it from his long nose and peak
7 ed chin and the furtlve way he took
notice of my new tWO-shilllnS breast
r pin, but 1 am a man who never hurts
z another mans feelings until 1t appears
! positively necessary for the bettermen
Of humanity. I had skassly got ms
2 boss unhitched from the wagon, wher
the man of guile came around to the
tavern stables and informed me tha
the mayor OF the town was just learn
I ing the game of poker, and thinking
t he knew it all he could be hornswog
gled out Of fifty p@unks with the great
est ease and with great profit to th'
? hornswogglers.
The postmaster proposed that 1 q
{ in with him and get some of the ia
t and when I informed him that I wal
q living up to the golden rule and trot
= ting along at the coat tails of honor
Z he hauled off and said was a double
e dyed scoundre1 who ought to be dane
= ing on gallows. I was calm but firm
I and saw no more of him for two days
e Then. as I was about to take my de
parture and bestow the benefits Of m!
- Alleviator on the busting town Of Los
t Hopes, he comes up to me with tn
d spirit Of cOntrition shining in his face
Il and says:
t'Lo / am humbled to the dust Tho
e art a better man than I am. Thou has
Il taught me that integrity and RAJ
t carpet on the parlor are better thai
t fried oysters and gold-plated palaces
n Come and take drink and tell m
d you forgive me-
a It is seldom that I indulge in tn
k flowing bowl. and never except I desir
d to pint a moral or adorn a tale I wen
I with him and called for birch beer