Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1906-09-01
In THE FAMILY ALBUM

Inc 1at, anaDie-iOok1ng man OF forty
(and a iitte) was addressing bunch OF
his cronies.
'If any OF you fellows" he said. ever
feels chesty and sort OF enlarged about
the yicinage Of the hat, know Of some
thing that'u take you down and cool you
out and get you where you belong. Found
It out for myself. I visited my good old
mother out in the country while back,
and. on rainy afternoon, she got out
the old red undiscovered family album.
and I spent some hours looking 1t over.
felt a certain sense Of Importance up to
that time. kind O. liked myself. I had
tt figured out that I was q good deal OF q
duck. all things considered. regarded
myself as quite somebody. But that after.
noon with the old album took me down
SO many pegs that haven't quite found
where I belong yet The likeness Of my
self In that album did the business for
me-likenesses reaching back to my
swaddling days, and then right along
through my various and sundry stages Of
puppyhood and general imbecility almost-I
let myself down lightly. you observe-al-
most up to the present time.
II there's anything on earth better cal
culated to take the conceit out Of q man
grown to maturity. it's a rainy afternoon
with the whole bunch Of pictures of him
self, and the recollection they're bound
70 con1ure up OF his utter idiotic hopeless
ness as human being at the various Pc
riods at which they were taken.
-! didn't have 1t in much for the baby
pictures of me that I had to look at. I
look like sulky, ugly sort of Of q lumpy
customer In all OF them. I am bound to
admit and I'd like to know If the man
lives. anyhow. who doesn't experience a
certain sort Of humiliation when he looks
upon the pictures taken of him when he
was q Jolly dough-face of an infant. The
only consolation he has in looking at
them Is that he wasn't responsible at the
time, that 1t wasn't his fault that he'd
been mugged at that period Of his life. and
tnat most other baby pictures, If not all
OF them, look just about the same way.
Its~the later pictures that cause him to
really hate himself until he RECEIVERS from
the seance.
II didn't even take any violent dislikes
to the photographs and tintypes that
were taken OF me when was in my boy
hood-before had reached adolescence,
that is. I couldn't help those, either, al
though they sure do make me out to We
been measley-lookihg tad of boy. One
| Of them especially. that I had taken along
with my little sister when 1 was about
nine years old and she seven, made me
very tired. both for myself and for SIS
In that picture I'm standing rigid. with
the bottom Of the head-rest that's con-
filming me like garrote showing at my
feet. My mop Of carroty looking hair is
brushed in big WATERFALL think that's
what they called 'em-over one side Of
my forehead. my ears stand out like sails
on lower Potomac catamaran. and look
sneaky and furtive and slinky and treach-
erous and mean and underhand, all over.
But the picture of my little sister in that
photograph Is a shame. She's standing
like upright bed-slat, too, confined in
one of those barbarous head-rests, and
sticking out away below the bottom Of
her little skirt is a lot Of pointed embroid-
cry about both Of her neither limbs, draped
as they are in white stockings. 1t always
makes sister furious to see that photo
| graph. and 1 don't blame her.
There are two or three more Of those
| boy pictures. and then begin the bunch
| that L had taken myself and that made me
| feel, just to look at em, like a nickers
| worth of altar of roses in mineral water
bottle.
| First one Of these was taken when I
was about fifteen. was working then.
buying my own clothes, and thought 1
| was one Of the main noises. I think the
picture portrays the first suit, at that,
| that ever bought out of my own wages,
| and the cheap conceit of me for that rea-
| son stuck out all over me when I posed
| for the Internal fool photograph. I in
| should be full length so g it would show
| the hull suit Of clothes. and I'm standing
| alongside one of those papier-mache ped
| estals, with my hair plastered down In
| front like a dago BARRIERS, and one OF
| those onnery little round felt hats of the
| period on the back. Of my head to show
1 the 1rOnt-plaStereQ nalT. ...
/ Then there was a. bust portrait made
| Of me when I was seventeen. You can
| just see the lackadaisical swell-headed-
| ness Of me as was at that time sticking
picture I've still got my hair plastered
| down In that one. and there's rosebud
| stuck in my buttonhole. and I've got
sort of snarly. stuck-up expression on
| my chalky-looking map, and, say. as
| looked at that picture couldn't help but
reflect upon what a blooming nuisance !
| must have been around the house at about
| the time it was taken, and wonder how
| the older folks with whom 1 was asso-
| ciated ever managed to tolerate me at
| all, much less be pleasant and amiable
| toward me.
| graph taken for the express purpose OF
showing a waiting and marveling world
| that I had grown vague imitation OF
mustache. True. only one side OF the mus ',,
| face particularly to show that l had 1t on
| both sides. But there Is such strong light
| on one side of the face that the mustache
| lost out in the shuttle on that side. l can
remember how horribly abused I looked
| when they gave me that finished picture
and saw how much Of the budding mus
| tache had been sacrificed to the lighting
| scheme wouldn't have taken the pictures
| at all. was so sore about the only one
| half Of mustache. but I'd paid for them In
| advance and had to take EN-.
| Next one that caused me to curl up was
/
| only purpose of allowing my relations living
| in distant parts of the country to know that
/ was the possessor of a dress suit as we
| used to call evening clothes. can remem-
| Der to this hour how absurdy 1 staggered
| around the photograph gallery when went
| down there one day and put on the dress
| suit at noon to have the picture taken.
| sort O. patronized the grizzled photographer,
| 1 recall, and believed that endeavored to
! give him the impression that 1 was some
| kind of bum actor playing with society
| drammer company then In town. wore my
| hair pompadour in that miserable photo
| graph, and looked like a cross between
| Jim Corbett and somebody that had es-
| ceped from the BOBBY hatch on dead run.
| I ached and hankered to take that picture
| out of the album and tear it up, but my
| good old mother was on to my deadly pur-
| pose and stalled me. Just why she should
| cherish such an Internal thing as that pic
| ture 1 can't for the life of me make out.
| but she does-cherishes all of 'em, in fact.
| Of all of the children as if-they were worth
| their weight in radium-and I had no
| chance to steal it during my visit.
| '"Then there came one in which had my
| self taken in a bicycle suit, standing along
| side one of those high wheels. had the pic
| ture taken after having won some kind Of
| a tin medal for doing a century in what
| was supposed to be rapid time then, or
| something of that sort-and the disease Of