The Republican journal., 1906-05-03
'CHESTNUTS" FROM EyERYBODYS.
A NATURAL MISTAKE.


Oliver Herford once entered doubtful
looking restaurant in small New York
town ana ordered a lamb chop. After
long delay the waiter returned bearing a
piate on which repOsed dab of mashed po-
IaIoes ana a much overdone chop of micro
Scoplcal proportions with a remarkably
long and slender rib attached This the
waiter set down before him and then hAr
ried away.
'See here" called Herford, 81 ordered a
chop"
'.Yessir," replied the man, "there it isl
An, so it Isl replied Herford, peerlng
at it closely. II thought it was a crack in
the plate"
WANTED IN WYOMING.
At the International Sunday school con-
ventlon at Louisville, KY, in answer to the
roll-call of States, reports were verbally
given by the various State chairmen. When
the Lone Star State was called, braWny
specimen of Southern manhood stepped out
into the aisle and with Strident voice ex.
claimed: "We represent the great State OF
Texas. The first white woman born in
Texas is still living-she now has a popula-
ton of over three millions"
There was pause of bewilderment Tor a
moment, and then a voice from the CALLER
les rang out clear and distinct:
"Send that woman out to Wyoming-we
need her'
COCK-A-DOODLE DOC
When Frank Stockton started out with
his Rudder Grange experiences he under
took to keep chickens. One old motheriy
Plymouth Rock brought out . brood late IN
the fall, and Stockton gave her good deal
of his attention. He named each of the
chicks after some literary friend, among
the rest Mary Mapes Dodge Mrs. Dodge
was visiting the farm some time later, and,
happening to think of her nafnesake, she
said
'By the way, Frank, how does little Mary
Mapes Dodge get along?"
"The funny thing about little Mary Mapes
Dodge" said he, sis, she turns out to be
Thomas Bailey Aldrich."
WASN'T TAKING CHANCES.
An automobilist, speeding along a country
road at rapid clip, ran over and killed a
chicken. When he returned the same way
an hour later, man was standing IN the
middle of the road, signaling eXcltedly tor
him to stop. He brought the machine to a
standstill, and there lying on the roadside
was the poor chicken whose life had been
snutfed out lie was prepared for the worst,
when the following dialogue took place:
'May ask, did you run over this chick
en-"
Eyes, I'm the guilty party, but l am will
ling to pay for the damage HOW much nc
You WANT?
ooh. that's all right. You see, before
took the chicken home, | wanted to make
sure how it had been killed. If your auto
mobile ran over it, / guess it's good to eat. .
HE DID II WELL.
During the Civil War a Mr.. Wertenberger
kept ii restaurant in central Indiana town.
AS all commodities were high at that
period, in consequence of an Inflated cur
reucy. his pie crust had no more shortening
in it than was absolutely necessary, lard
costing twenty-five cents pound and more:
One day a transient customer came in and
called for pie, which was served to him,
and he set out to devour it forthwith. But
the crust was so short of shortening that he
could not get his fork through it. He
struggled with it manfully for few
minutes, and then laid down his knife and
fork in despair.
"Mr. Landlord" he declared at length
"I'd like to know who in thunder tans
your pies -
WHERE HAD HE HEARD THAT NAME?
The stage-coach that carries the mail be-
tween kent'S Hill and Readfield Station IN
Maine drew up along the roadside and the
driver accosted little old man working in
field.
"Do you know who Mrs. Abby b. Brown
is and where she liveS?"
"The old man considered. ''Brown, Abby
B. Brown ?" he repeated "You don't mean
Mrs. Polly Brown, do you?"
'No, Mrs. Abby B. Brown; We've got a
letter for her"
"B, you say the middle letter is B, do
you? ] know whole lot of Browns that
live on the other side of the road, but there
amt any Abby B. among them. You don't
mean Abby b. Smith, do you? She lives
"No, it's Abby B. Brown. Well find her
somehow. Thanks
The stage-driver started his horses, but
before the corner was reached faint
'liello' caused the passengers to turn
around. The Old man, hoe in hand, was
pursuing the stage.
"Brown, Mrs. Abby b. Brown, did you
say? Why, know her. She's my wife,
ONE LAST ATTEMPT.
A Young Northern woman once went out
TO visit the famous old chapel and Gene
tery of St Roch, near New Orleans. The
eccentric Old Frenchman in charge was de-
lighted to show her about, and when they
came to one of the ''stations" where hung a
painting of the Crucifxion, wishing to make
sure of firm foundation for her apprecia-
ton of the subject, he inquired
"Madame is an artist ~
"No," modestly replied madame" "only
a student"
The old man was visibly disappointed,
but, taking new courage, he tried again:
"Madame has Travelled much. Perchance
to Paris?"
"No,,' replied the lady, with proper re-
greet, 81 have never been to Paris"
Increased disappointment, almost reach
ing the point of disapproval, but followed
by another brave attempt at establishing
mutual interest and understanding:
sMadame is good Catholic ?"
"No,' sadly replied the unfortunate
woman, trif1e uncomfortable, although
amused.
SWELL" in desperation, "this painting is
by great artist-a French artist who lives
in Paris. 1t represents the Christ who
long ago was crucifed upon cross. You
have heard of Him ?'-"Under the Spread
ing Chestnut Tree" in Everybody's Nigga
zine for May.