davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1906-03-08

on the warpath. They had got up in
the morning to milk the cows and
found about 20 elephants in the barn
yard, making the cows do a song and
dance. Pa told them there was no Ian
ger at all, CAUSE he would take any
elephant by the tail and snap it's head
off, like boys snap the heads off garter
snakes, and l told them that me and
the senator's boy stampeded the ele-
plants and we could drive them back
to town like a drove of sheep.
The farmers thought we were great
and they followed us back to the farm,
where we found the herd of elephants
had taken possession and were having
the time of their lives. About a dozen
of the big elephants had found a couple
of barrels of cider in a shed and had
been drinking it, and when we got
there they were like section hands with
Tags on.
Bolivar, the big elephant, was the
drunkest, and when he saw pa coming
with the gang of hands, with ropes and
spears, he winked at the other ele-
plants and seemed to say: Watch
me tree EN-" for he came out of the
gate and beloved. and made a charge
at the gang, and pa beat them all go
ing up crab apple trees. The senator's
son saw pa up a tree, and he said: "Old
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1906-03-08

his shoulder. and grow1, and walk side
ways with his bristles all up, would
you run, or would you stand youI
%ground?" d.
I'VE better change the subject" said
the president, and rose from the table,
and we all got up. He patted me on
the head, and said: TELL your pa !
will see him later, and in the mean.
time, you run your circus and | will.
try to run mine"
The queerest thing happened tina,
night. The senator's boy spoke of our
trained seals, that catch a fish if you
throw it to them and swallow it whole
He said 1t would be fun to take a lit
tie alarm clock and sew it up in a fish
and set the alarm at seven o'clock D
M, when the crowd is watching the
seals swallow fish, and throw it to the
big seal, and the alarm would go off in.
side MIN.
Well, | bit like a bass, and said we
would do it, sc he took a little alarm
clock and set it for seven O'Clock. W.
got it into a fish. and I am ashamed tc
tell what happened. Gee, but that sea,
grabbed the fish with a clock in il
and tried to swallow it, but the brass
ring caught on one of his teeth, and he
was trying to get it loose when the
alarm went off, and the seal jumped
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1906-03-08
Things to FORGET.

If you would increase your happiy
ness and prolong your life, forget your
~neigh5or's faults. Forget the temnta-
tons. Forget the fault-finding and g.ge
little thought TO the cause which FRO
voked it. Forget the peculiarities of
your friends, and only remember the
good points which make you fond of
them. Forget all personal quarrel
or stories you may have heard by ac-
cident, and which, if repeated, would
seem a thousand times worse than
they are. Blot out as far as possibIe
all the disagreeable things of life:
they will come, but they will grow
larger when you remember them. and
the constant thought of acts of mean
ness, or, worse still, malice, will only
tend to make you more familiar win
them. Obliterate everything disagree.
able from yesterday. Start out with
a clean sheet for to-day, and writs
upon it for sweet memory's sake only
those things which are lovely and low
able .-Detroit Free Press.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1906-03-08
The Province of Physicians.

The physician of the future will find
his greatest service in prolonging hui
man life. The asylum and the poor.
house are not to be regarded as shin
ing lights of advanced political econ
omy, but there is something in life
besides mere political economy, and
the pro%longation of existence is re.
garded as one of the chief functions
both of the medical profession and Of
public charities. On the other hand,
says the Scientific American. ii must
be considered that there is a distinct
economical loss in cutting off from
existence a man before he has run
the full curse of his career. To train
a man for usefulness requires now
fully a quarter of a century, and it
seems only fair that he should have
at least twice that time for the mani
festation of his activities. If. there.
fore, he be cut off at So, 40 or As the
community is robbed Of service to
which 1t is entitled.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1906-03-08

gentleman, If these are your animals,
or insects, or whatever they are, you
ought to come down off your perch
and take them to a Kelley cure, be-
cause they are intoxicated"
And pa came down anc took a fence
rail and sharpened it with an ak, and
he u it into Bolivar about a foot,
and Bolivar trumpeted for surrender,
and that settled the elephant strike,
for pa ordered Bolivar into the road,
and In five minutes the whole herd of
elephants was following Bolivar back
to Washington. as meek as a drunken
husband being led home by his wife.
Gee, what do you think? The presi-
dent heard how the senator's boy and
l stampeded the elephants and invited
the senator's boy to bring his young
circus friend around to the white house
to supper. Well, we went.
/ forgot what we had to eat, | was
SO interested in the presidents CONVEX
sation. He talked about the show bust
ness as though he had been a ring
master in a circus, He said he was in
the show the day before when we
s%tampeded the elephants. and he told
us about his hunting trips in the west,
until ] could smell bacon cooking at
the camp fire. and | could smell the
balsam boughs they slept on, on the
ground.
When he let up a little on his talk,
/ braced up and asked him If he had
rather shoot wild cats and bears than
be president. He hedged and said both
occupations worked pretty well togeth-
or and he had enjoyed 'em both. Then
! 4 asked him IL he was going to run for
president again, and he winked at his
wife, and then he asked me what made
me ask the question. I told him pa
wanted me to find out. I told him all
tho boys wanted him to run. cause be
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1906-03-08

was a good Teller. and not afraid of
the cars.
The president laughed and said:
We'll, it's this way. The president
business is a good deal like bear hunt
ing. You get on a fresh track, either
in politics or bear hunting. and follow
the game with dogs, or politicians, as
the case may be. The trail keeps get
ting fresher and by and by the game
is in sight. and the dogs are nippine
its hind legs, If it is a bear, or chew.
ing big words if it is IN opposing can
didate, and nipping him in exposed
places. You ride like mad, your clothes
or your reputation torn by briars if it is
a bear, or by opposition newspapers il
it is a political campaign, and you
wish it was over, many times, and are
so tired you wish you were dead
Finally your bear or your opponent IN
politics is freed and the dogs are try.
ing to climb the tree, and your bear
or your political opponent is up on q
limb snarling and showing his teeth
at the dogs or the politicians, and Their
you ride up, look the ground over, wait
till your heart stops beating and fire
the shot at a vital part, and your bear
or your political opponent comes tum.
bling to the ground. When he ceases
to kick you put your foot on his neck
and feel sorry you killed him, but you
go to work and skin him and hang his
hide on the fence, Then you have got
to ride all night to get to camp. if it is
a bear, and work harder than a man on
a treadmill for four years, if it is a
presidential candidate you have skun."
had sat with my mouth open while
the president talked, and never said a
word, but when he quit I said: Eyes
but suppose when you got your bear
skun, another bear should come after
you, and dare you to knock a chip of
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1906-03-08

quick stroke lays bare the still feebly
palpitating heart, removes it. and
tosses 1t TO the waiting braves. who
quickly cut it into tiny pieces and de-
YOUR 1t raw, believing that thereby
they each may acquire some of the
bravery of the dead prisoner. Another
cuts down the body and half a dozen
quickly sever arms and feet and legs.
throwing these members into the wait
ing boiling kettles. TO be devoured
later by the whole tribe. The head is
cut off and brought, a shapeless, blood
stained mass, and laid at the feet of
Niron.
Tonti, sickened at the fearful sight,
turned his head away and looked to-
wards Renee. Her woman's nature
hsa mercifully asserted itself. She had
tainted.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1906-03-08
An Awful Error.

Mrs. Readum was not as popular
as usual at the reception given for the
great author last night"
why, she usually shines at such
events.
But last night she did not. She
had made a mistake and studied up
on the books Of another .ia.hor Of
I'M sane name, on different initialA"
Tore Haute Star
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1906-03-08
A Big Work.

The British and Foreign Bible So
ciety las published its one hundred
and first annual report. During the
year the society has issued 5.S57,645
copies Of the Bible or parts Of the
Bible. The Scriptures have been trans
lated into IL new languages. If 300
men, each speaking a different Ian
guage, were now to call at the So
ciety's headquarters, they would find
the whole Of the Bible or some por.
ton Of It In their language. The total
number Of issues made by the society
since its foundation is 1872. 537, TAG
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1906-03-08

The show remained in Washington
two days. cause it took all one day and
night to catch the elephants, after the
senator's boy and turned the rats and
mice loose in the ring while the ele-
plants were forming a pyramid. Pa
and all the circus hands had to ,go
away down towards the Bull Run bat
tlefield to round them up. and young
Mr.. Senator let me ride one of his
ponies and he and | went along to help
catch the elephants.
We went out through Alexandria to-
wards Bull Run battlefield. There we
overlook pa and the boss canvasman
and the elephant handler, and we met
some farmers coming into Alexandria
with their families, stampeding like
people out west when the Indians 60
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1906-03-08
Copyright by J. B. Bowles.l

The Bad Boy and the Senator's Son
60 on an Elephant Chase--The SEN
ator's Son Gets His Friend a Bid to
Dinner at the White House-The
Trained Seal Swallows an Alarm
Clock.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1906-03-08

Where You're Most Likely to Be Hurt
Twelve per cent. of all the acct
dents to people in cities happen on the
streets. Statistics show that the aver.
age citizen, If he should meet witt
100 serious m%ischances on his walks
abroad, would slip on the ice, and fer
down under other circumstances. ss
times; he would get hurt ten times IN
boarding Or dismounting from cars: he
would be knocked down. or otherwise
injured, by horses and wagons six
times; he would be bitten by dogs fo,,I
times. and he would step di~sastrously
upon banana-peels twice. The remain.
ing mishaps would be miscellaneous
and might include one or two col
lisions with motor cars, which have
taken the place of bicycles as perils
to the pedestrian.-Pearson's Maya
zine.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1906-03-08

out of the tank and began to pranct
around the crowd soaring the women
and making all the animals nervous
He stood on his head and beloved.
and all the circus hands came rushing
up. Finally the alarm clock quit ling.
ling, and they caught the seal and
pulled the clock off his tooth, and just
then pa came up to me, and said:
What deviltry you boys up to now
Suppose that seal had swallowed that
clock, and you couldn't wind it up; i,
might kill him. Now, go to the car
cause we are going to get out of this
town right off. You make me tired
And pa helped to lift the slippery sea-.
into the tank, and looked mad at his
little boy, and hurt the feelings of the
senator's boy.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1906-03-08
Slow Travel.

Few Russian trains travel at a faste,
rate than % miles an hour.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1906-03-08

same time taking him by the wrists
and strongly raising his arms nigh
above his head-and the hiecough en-
tireiy disappears. / would advise you
to give this method a trial, and believe
you will have perfectly satisfactory
results.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1906-03-08
CLUR NOTES

Ii D. +. F.. of st. Peter, MINI, win
write again, giving name and address
in full, | will c%heerfully answer HIS
query.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1906-03-08

w " ooo -PlNSC, tllUo DuopCuuluS HlJl
so as to throw his weight upon his
wrists.
Pandemonium is let loose. The
crowd of yelping, screeching demons
surrounds the s%caffolding. He gazes at
them and a smile breaks on his lips,
as with eyes glaring with hatred he
reviles and mocks them.
Dogs of Iroquois,, why do you not
make me cry out with pain, like one
of you would do If a bee stung him?
It is because | am a Mohegan chief,
brave and without fear"
Heated stones are now placed be-
meath the soles of his feet; one stands
above and slowly pours boiling water
over his head; another now APP
proaches and empties a gourd full Of
the scalding stuff down his throat. A
red-hot iron is passed into each eye,
burning the socket empty. A young
buck climbs upon the cross-beam and
deftly scalps him, holding up the CORY
trophy to the shrieking threng below,
Suddenly a silence. The end is near.
Every human voice is stopped, and
only the depressed breathing Of the in
furiated mob is heard. Sightless, quiv-
ering in awful agony, the prisoners
undaunted will summons his remain
ing strength for one last defiance.
towards! Dogs!" he gasps, and in
the tone issuing from scorched and
lacerated lips, one perceiges the in
tensi'y Of scorn and hatred felt. His
head droops; a SILVER runs through
his frame. AT this signal : chief leaps
forward with las' ing knife and with
Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922, 1906-06-17
Carpenters Letter
CONTINUED from Page Five)

husky They are about the same as our
lumbermen in the east with the most 81
whom money comes easy and goes easy
They are paid good wages, running from
50 Is to $3.50 day. A few Of them save
money, but more wait until they have sew
eral hundred dollars ahead and then go OF
to Seattle for a good time and a spree. No
liquor is allowed to be sold in the woods,
but at these vacations, which come every
three or six months, they spend all their
earnings. This is especially so on the
Fourth of July and at Christmas. Every
one has his own method of getting rid of
his surplus. one man here. who is
skilled timber cutter. keeps close to his job
until he has $500 or $500 ahead. Then he
will go to Seattle and put up at the best
hotel, always taking a room with bath
He will come out in a new suit of clothes,
will have a shave and shampoo and strut
with a cane. For a week or so he will
live like a swell. II there is an opera he
will go to 1t and will perhaps engage In
sporting pastimes which are not to be men
toned. He will keep this up until all his
money is spent. Then he will fish out his
old suit of clothes. pawning the new, and
go back to the work to repeat the same
process when he again becomes flush. It
should be said. however. that there are
thrifty men also among those who work
in the woods-men who have families and
who save their wages and live most re-
spectacle lives.
FRANK G. CARPENTER.
Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922, 1906-06-17
Omaha High School Glass
Continued from Page one.)

owes many Of It's victories on the grid
iron and in basket ball. Along intellectual
lines the class especially distinguished
itself. These contests were debates, the
teams chosen to represent the school being
chosen by competition from the entire
school. Most prominent among the de-
baters of the school were Herbert Potter,
Glenn WATERSHED, Paul Hommel, Carroll
Belden, John Latenser and Ware Hall. It
was due to the ability Of these young men
in the forensic art that many victories
came to the school in the debating contests
with other schools Of similar standing. BY
their devoted and conscientious work these
young men added laurels to the many al
ready conferred upon the school by former
classes.
1t was due to the energetic work and
noble ambition OF this class along most
commendable lines that three new societies
sprung into existence at the school in the
early years OF the class history. by
means of these literary societies the class
best material has been able to develop
most prohtably, until now each one who
has been more or less identified with the
work of these societies can lay claim to a
well founded education. Along social lines
the class has held It's own very creditably.
Zach member of the class is able to speak
very highly of the share he had in many
social functions.
Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922, 1906-06-17
Time to Quit.

Congressman Madden of Chicago was dis
cussing the traits Of character of the Irish.
II went to call on a constituent Of mine."
said Mr.. Madden, ito see a new baby.
found the youngster all battered up. black
and blue In spots What's the matter
with him2' / asked. oh, nothing an
swered his mother. You see, he was
christened yesterday, and while his daddy
was holding him the o'clock whistle
blew"
Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922, 1906-06-17

Ing. ducSed under the horses head and
kept on.
The total distance he covered was ninety
six miles. lie averaged slightly better
than four miles an hour for the distance.
Weston arrived at the Fifth Avenue hotel
at Il 81 o'clock. He had bath and then
sat down to dinner. lie was twenty-seven
minutes late for his dinner engagement
but away ahead Of the record New York
Sun.
Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922, 1906-06-17
Afflicted Men

Come TO us. II responsible
you may settle when cured
or In monthly or weekly
payments. We make no
charge for private counsel
and give TO zach patient .
legal contract in writing,
backed by abundant capital,
to hold for our promise. All
prescriptions are carefully
compounded under our per-
sonal supervision and Euar-
Rnteed to be fresh and abso-
lutely pure. No cnses az
cepted through correspond
ence. One personal Inter-
view at once absolutely re-
uuired before treatment
commences. Physciens hev-
ing stubborn cases TO treat
are cordially invited to
confer with US. Our ofhoo
hours are from . q, M. TO }
D. m; Sundays, from . 20 ].
Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922, 1906-06-17
We ARE FOR men

We limit our practice
strictly to Pelvic Diseases
OF mon. II we attempted
to cure all human Ills, ne
many doctors do, we would
undoubtedly meet with the
same results as they en-
counter-results often dis
appointing to the physi
clan and sometimes disas-
trous TO the patient. hct !.
izing that the maladies Of
mankind are too many and
vastly complicated for any
one man TO master, we
gave up the impossible 70
long ago. We then began
to prepare ourselves for
tho cal acities aud duties
OF speciality work. in which
our purpose was 10 become
supreme. Are not your
health and future happi-
ness worthy your time and
trouble to look into a sys-
tenn Of treatment that has
positively cured cases
which had resisted numer-
Gus other doctors and rem .
dies7 with our servicN e.
your command. you should
not, II you are q viClm
OF Male Pelvic Diseases,
continue to suffer and sink.
Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922, 1906-06-17
Road Grading and DItehIne RevoIutIonIzed
cAnyoa. TszAA April :. ma
lee Qradsr 4 PlOU Co, HuntaA

CAngoas Tg1AA April y ~
70 Ths DiAs Graasr 4 PlOv Co.. HuntsA
n. d.
! have been Using yOuT attachment -
ny Grader fer the last ten days ana
think u the beat tool ever ussd. I
Wopld not eAangs back 70 the old plOu
for twice lie cost. YOuH rssPOqtfuliy.
H. n. POTTER, Railroad oOntrsOaoT.
Ssas seward g.. Omaha. NsA. sspt. II
i6og
Dine orsdsr 4 PioW Co.. Hunter. n. ..
osntlsmeni Have been using your Rotary
Dise PiewtnS Attachment for the past fsw
esyH and nhd II good tool, In places
where apothsr DIOW viii not soar, this
will ana DO Il much sasisr than sny-pthsr
pillow ana thr0W much more ssth on the
sisvstOr with isns labor on the machine
add stock. 90 not thiuk any contractor
running GradihE machines can An0rd e b
without Il. Y0ura truly.
}. J. LAAoREAUx. Contractor.
Bancroft, Nsb.. Nov. :. 1905.
TAs DsSe Grader a Pi0w Co. HastsE,
n D.
osatls@sa ] roosivsd ths GUARANTEES Tor
ne hotAIy Disc Pl0Wtng Attachment Tor
Grading hsdhihss and IN reply, can So
tsassA q tlAs tP-- svsS bsfors snd -
81 pieason rours truly.
= b Il sWE& RAilSaA GssiaslSE 1
Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922, 1906-06-17

The touring time for the automobile own
ers has arrived and one party left Omaha
last week for Kansas City and Excelsior
Springs. a dozen people In three automo-
biles. Many OF the owners OF large cars
IN Omaha have their cars fitted especially
for touring with large baskets. which can
he placed on the sides OF the machines
Touring in this country IL an easy matter,
as the roads are fine and there are few
spots where a man would have to 20 more
than ten miles for gasoline. 30 ne need
have no fear on that score II he Is Al all
cautious Several long trips were taken
by Omaha parties last year and the year
before. some going east as far az Boston,
Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922, 1906-06-17
power is restored and man
hood made complete.
Reflex Diseases

In curing an ailment Of
any kind We never fail TO
treat its rcncx complioA-
tions. II your case Ia
VAR1COCELE, the weak
ness arising from it dis
appcars. " II is ORErh ,
OBSTRUCTION and has
developed into Prostatic,
Bladder or Kidney affec-
tions, the injured organs
are restored. II IL ts sPb-
CIFIC BLOOD POISON,
any and ali skin. Blood and
Bone Diseases caused by
tho faint are eliminated
from the system, II II
is NERVO-DEBILITY. the
consequent weakness and
other distressing symptoms
are removed and rapidly ro-
placed by tho youthful en-
ergy OF robust manhood,
Hence, oil resulting Ills AMI
reflex complications, which
are often more serious than
the original ailment that
give rise to them, disap-
pear completely and for
ever with the cure OF the
main malady.
Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922, 1906-06-17
Varicocele.

Varicocele depletes vi
tally and impairs man
hood. No case should ever
ba operated upon when
mllder treatment will cure.
We treat Varicocele ac-
cording to the latest and
best methods known 10
medical science. The or
gans are not MANNED 81
mutilated, but are pre-
served and strengthened,
pain quickly ceases, swell.
Ing soon subsidies, healthy
circulation Is rapidly re-
established, and every par
of the organism effected
by the disease Is thorough
~ restored.