davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-10-04
JZYHA W1ER .JOTS

The Anthony Bulletin raises its price
fromk$1.00 a year to $1.50.
Dr. Blades, of Scottsville. certainly
ought to make first class surgeon.
Think of this! A Cowley county
man is advertising for cotton pickers.
Emporia tries to get on the front
seat with a castor bean tree" eighteen
feet and ten inches high, but lola has
one twenty feet in height.
Deacon Walker: A man Of ornery
proc1ivities may satisfy his own con-
science and fool a few neighbors by
being q member of the church, but he
can't hoodwink the Lord.
Note of Thanksgiving from the Clay
Center Times: The bare-headed,
peek-a-boo summer girl Is almost
gone. but we still have liver and bacon
and buckwheat cakes. Praise the
Lord.
Tom Thompson: When I went to
school, a certain blockhead of boy
in my class always spelled through,
t-h-r-u, and the whole glass would
give him the horse laugh. But now
Roosevelt says that chump was right,
and the class owes him an apology.
Two Emporia girls, who recently re-
turned from Colorado are telling how
they forgot their morals while there
and~stoIe crackers, cookies and turnips
from a grocery store which they placed
in their umbrellas. one of the girls
forgot about il and raised her UNI
brella when on the street, and the ma
tives are laughing yet.
This is to inform Mr.. Blowloud,
who has been doing lot of boasting
for some time" says the Osborne
Farmer, that his Identification papers
have arrived. They show that instead
of being the crack pitcher on the col
lege nine he was regularly passed IN
at the gate as a slight token of appre
citation for his ability in chasing the
balls that were fOuled over the grand
stand
jamestown Optimist: It is reported
by men who should know that there
win be more cattle fed in this vicinity
this fall than have been fed any season
for number OF years past The good
corn crop is responsible for this state
Of aaairs which means money to the
farmers and stock raisers. The only
trouble Will be to secure feeders
without going down to Kansas City
for them.
The Clay Center Times Says: Re
ports are going the rounds lately that
raised in southern Kansas this year
and weighed over 8S pounds. Sixteen
years ago when the old state fairs were
held at Topeka some mighty big
naelons were shown. The writer re-
members being in a Topeka grocery
one Monday morning. the first day Of
the weeks fair. when farmer drove
up with two melons he was taking out
10 exhibit. He weighed them on the
grocery scales and ever since we have
believed that they weighed 90 and 90
MOUNDS respectively We have told
that Ee were mistaken p And vet
there vas a melon weighing 9 6 pounds
on exhibition in the State Journal Of
ace for several days last month.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-10-04

The mule is less nervous than the
horse and therefore loses less energy
in useless fretting. In fact. one Of the
chief characteristics of the mule is his
ability to take care of himself under
all circumstances, says Farming. Much
Of the apparent Sinking which is
charged against the mule is an Unborn
tendency to husband his strength and
make every effort count. The result
of this instructive care on the part Of
the mule is that he Is able to turn out
more work than would be possible for
a horse of the same weight under the
same conditions. The mule instructive
~ avoids holes. sharp obstacles, barbed
wire fences and various other forms OF
danger which are not SO successfully
avoided by horses. 1t is a matter of
common observation that in instances
where mules run away they seldom in
lure themselves to any serious extent.
In mining, mules are quite superior to
horses for the reason that they seem
to understand the requirements and
dangers of the work more clearly than
horses.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-10-04

81 put in a small advertisement for
a shipping clerk last week" said a mer-
chant, land got III replies. One Of
the. replies amused me. Let me read it
to you
He took from his wallet a letter and
read:
Dear Sir: In response to your small
ad., would say am applicant for post
designated, and If taken on. am sure
would suit.
It understand shipping in all its
branches, having had seventeen years
experience in same.
would say further that I can al
ways write a good letter, even when I
am drunk ''-Exchange
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-10-04
QUAKER REFLECTIONS.
IRON the Phiiadeiphia record

Iron the Philadelphia Record-1
If you can't make both ends meet
the next best thing is to choose the
best end.
ANY married man can have his own
way after his wife tells him what II
shall be.
Nd Maude. dear; a man with
wooden leg doesn't necessarily have
club foot
some fellows never know when they
are licked and others won't stay licked
when they do.
Blobbs-ssYes, I fell in love with her
at frsk sight" Slobbs-sWhy. you don't
know her" Blobbs-''Pe Perhaps that's
the reason"
Casey-.tAfter all, there's nothing
thot beats q good wolfe" Riley (who
has 5uat had a scrap with his)-"Ax-
cept a good husband"
Every man should know himself; but
in doing 50 he wastes a lot OF time
that might be spent IN making more
aereeahle acquaintance
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-10-04
HUMOR OF THE DRY

class Chauffeur? q -iiSe
Mrs. Neurich-Yes, indeed. We have o-a
OF soHd mahogany, with five drawers 49,
a Erench plate glass mirror on top.-Cbi-
,,LJashaway-I want you to meet Miss
EE ,, stunning girl just back from
GTleyeTton-Her first visit?
Cleverton-Well old man. il It's all the
same same 70 you. I'll wait until she's gotten
through telling about it-Life
,,+s IT would be easier to be content with
Attle II NOBODY had any more -T9fs
thought you said you had an engage
men en- with Mr.. Jones at 2 O'Clock -
- nave, put of course he vyOnsf ~,
Pecl me until half past three ''-IIarperSs
1T Is sometimes a positive injury to a
sonbic ~ ne esllo nm money said the philo-
Yes. answered Mr.. Dunnup. "an1 nv
satsHos nave a most Christian way Of for
ee'eins injuries w ashington Star.
1.-THE The book was declined by eleven pub
Singular. isn't it?,
" ell 1t doesn't seem so singular to me
rs the fact that it wasn't declined bv tie
es ne William dune seer me- 4sssFs NJ
Jackstng. and he sed he vvoI,id $50 -
speak TO Media one OBJ us no mo- ~
Zone lone toI MIN Mr. Jacksing was only a
IT. That's TOO bad. Maria Did he cut
lean a lii'ioIe amer
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-10-04
REFLECTIONS OF a BACHELOR
[From the Chicago News.1

TFrom the Chicago News.1
A doctors patients are an ill-as-
sorted lot.
Charity and piety are not always on
speaking terms.
Laziness is one OF the most unsatis-
factory things on earth
It's better to have money to burn
than to have time to waste.
Lucky in love and unlucky at cards
means that you lose by winning.
Most men know a good deal less
than they think other men think they
know
Nothing but six feet of earth will
keep a good man down-or a bad
man either
You will never discover q mans
true nature until you permit him to
owe you money.
When the size of a baseball dia-
mond is figured up 1t will be found to
be nine by nine.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-10-04

smart lawyer and there are delays
and technical objections interposed to
the course of justice After many
months the witnesses are scattered or
forget the facts. and then the guilty
party escapes altogether or gets of
with a light punishment. That is one
cause of lynchings.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-10-04

a recent issue of a Leavenworth pa
per contained the paid advertisements
Of ten or more saloons in that town.
One man ran his picture in his adver-
eisement. Topeka Joints are frequently
advertised in the local newspapers. but
the propriebors don't pay anything for
me advertising. It's free ana is run in
he news columns.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-10-04

G. II. Pattison has started out to fur
Eslsh natural gas to farmers. The farm
srs already have rural delivery, tele-
phones, yeIlow-legged chickens. trav-
cling libraries, and the freest life in the
world. Now If they are to have natural
gas also. we will all have to move out
IA the country.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-10-04
ANOTHER REBORN.

This sure is an age of reform. w. J.
Bryan has notified the committee in
charge of his Oklahoma and Kansas
tour that he Will cut out handshaking.
The public has paved over Bryan
right arm so much that he can hardly
use it. He has, therefore. decided to
repeal the senseless custom of touch
ing flesh" with strangers. SO far as his
forthcoming tour is concerned.-Hol-
ton Signal
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-10-04

Gourdian, the man who tried to
break into the Joliet penitentiary some
time ago, has founded a bank. He has
evidently noted the career of Mr..
Stensland and has discovered how he
can attain his object
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-10-04

The city council of Ration, N NJ,
proposes to make all the saloons in the
boVTn move to a block adjoining the
Santa Fe depot. The railroad com
pany is naturally objecting. Nobody
Of resDectability likes to be neighbor
90 q saloon.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-10-04
EROM OTHER PENS
RUSSIAN NAMES.

Owing to the termination of off, a
great many names or dignitaries in
Russia have in the present reign of
dynamite. an omfnous significance, SIS
General Popoff Count FiIkesofr etc.
A change of name to General Bomb
proof Count Nebatouchtme, etc, would
probably be apt to inspire more con-
hdence in their bearers.-New Orlean ms
Times Democrat.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-10-04

Captain p. H. McWhorter. who was
nominated by the Democrats for rep
resentative in Montgomery county, an
nounces himself as an Abe Lincoln
Teddy Roosevelt Republican, and ac-
eenfa the nomination.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-10-04

'The Topeka man who is spending
1.500 in having a history Of his fam
lily printed In book form" says the
Washington Post, els sure to run across
a few facts that were overlooked the
very first tiaie oae of his family runs
for od7ce.'
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-10-04

Senator Beveridge prophesies that
Ne are back in Cuba to stay. Those
who remember Senator Beveridge's
predictions about the Russo-JaD war
viii bet the other way.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-10-04

The most suspicious thing about
Governor Hoch's candidacy Is the zeal
with which Leavenworth and Wichita
are supporting him on the let-weli-
enough-alone theory.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-10-04

The joint directory for the entire
state. published recently under the d.
Tection Of the State Temperance Union,
ought to be highly priced by inebriates
who are compelled to travel in Kan
sas. with copy Of this directory
they win be able to locate a booze dis
pensary almost anywhere they go.
Otherwise it would be a difficult matter
gn q good many towns.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-10-04

Count Boni de Castellane has again
won a seat in the Chamber Of Depu-
ties. Now if he could again win seat
at the Gould table. Boni would be hap
nv once more
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-10-04
RELATIONSHIP.

We have never been able to determine
the exact relationship existing between
the fool who rocks the boat and the
person who throws the banana peel on
the sidewalk, but they are probably
double first cousins.-Houston Post.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-10-04
THE TWO ExEMPTs.

Apparently there are only two men
in Russia that can go about the streets
without jumping out of their skins
every time some one steps on a match,
and they are Count Tolstoi and Count
Witte.-Buffalo Times.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-10-04
RURNING QUESTIONS.

Men are considerably worried over
politics just now. but the burning
question with the women folks is
whether that oleander they set out last
spring will go back into the same tub
It formerly occupied and where in the
house they had better place that big
fern.-Clay Center Times.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-10-04
BANANA LEGIsLATION.

Under a recent London ordinance,
man caught throwing a banana skin
on the pavement is liable to a fine OF
40 shilIings. 1t IS to be hoped that the
law will not slip up in its execution
New York Tribune.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-10-04
BONAPARTE.

The Atlanta Journal says if Cuban
independence is to meet its Waterloo,
Secretary Bonaparte should be on the
spot. We have not understood that the
Bonapartes were very strong in the
Waterloo business.-Houston Post
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-10-04
OF. We DON'T KNOW.

Advices from New Hampshire war
rant the conclusion that the ability to
write long, dreary mi-historical nov
els does not necessarily imply political
acumen.- Chicago Chronicle.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-10-04

Mrs. Thomas c. Plat says there are
dozens Of Mae c. Woods. Which is
another way of saying that Senator
Thomas c. has been a gay old boy in
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-10-04

It is asserted that the tariff has been
revised something like forty-eight
times. but each time the revise has
been a little better for the trusts.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-10-04

Chicago wins the pennant in both the
big leagues, and the last place in both
goes to Boston. Thus does pork win
oyer beans.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-10-04

President Roosevelt's vacation is at
an end and now he will get down to
business once more, announces a dis
patch. Still the trusts are afraid he
hasn't really been loafng much during
the summer.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-10-04
GREATEST WASHINGTON

c., should be as strong for Roosevelt
in 1908 as that of the state of Wash
ington now is, we hardly see how he
could help himself-Boston Tran
script.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-10-04
GOOD CAUSE.

Good servants are becoming SO diff
hcult to obtain that we really can not
blame the American lady who disin-
herited her son because he married her
maid.-London Punch.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-10-04

A cement single has been invented
which. it is said will in time replace
the wooden single. The small boys
will receive the news with anything
but pleasure.-Olathe Mirror.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-10-04

Sing a ditty,
Sing a ditty,
Loye-and-rhym e-entwined
OF the pretty,
Gay and witty,
Witching Rosalind.
None's above her.
All men love her.
cupid thus designed
He's in clover
With fair Rosalind.
He can lie there,
His trade ply there.
just her eyes behind;
Letting fly there,
Arrows sly there
Looks Of Rosalind.
Loves and Graces
Have their places
In her hair confined;
Sweet their case Is,
Happy Graces
Grazing Rosalind.
She is neatness,
She is sweetness
All sweet things combined;
Perfect featness
And completeness
Is fair ROSa1ind.
Song, go meet her
Flying fleeter
Than the flying wind;
Say I greet her
And entreat her
BE my Rosalindi'
Curtis Hidden Page in The Bohemian.
Alfonso XII rs Seen by His Teacher.
The Spanish kings German teacher
is a Hanoverian (married to a French
woman). Following is his opinion Of
his pupil: This is the way I made
the kings acquaintance. I was giving
German lessons to one of the kings
orderlies=Count del Grove. The
count had never taken lessons in the
palace; but one day when he was too
busy to meet me where we met usual
ly, he asked me to give him his lesson
where he was. 1 went over to the
palace, and while we were hard at
work, the door opened and the king
came in. He came in smiling, and
asked me if I would permit him to
listen to the lesson. OF course 1 was
glad enough to have him there; he Is
a prepossessing little fellow; in fact, 1
may say that I have never known a
more charming man. So he sat there
with us listening with all his ears.
Several times when / asked the Count
del Grove a question: the king an
swered me before the count could
speak-not very polite, but his way OF
doing it was very taking. When the
lesson was ended he came up to me
and told me that I must teach him
"I like your wau of teaching" said he
''and henceforth I will have no other
teacher"
Despite his teasing ways and his love
of pleasure. Alfonso is very fond of
study, and very anxious to learn every
thing. There was no end to his ques-
tons He longed to be informed on all
subjects. I never saw a boy as OBJ
servant.
Etiquette is the only thing that dis
turbs the kings patience. He hates
court rules. I have heard him com
plain bitterly that he could not act
like a rational being" because he was
always dragged down by osme sense
les scourt custom One day when the
court rules interfered with something
that he was contemplating, he said, not
angrfly: "All this restraint is ridlcu-
lousi I am the law, not its subject
ans the king OF Spain!' FIarper's
XNaeIxlV
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-10-04
coon SIGN

A hopeful sign Of the times is that
the newspa pers no longer ask the state
central committee what they shall say.
-Holton Signal.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-10-04

sThere must be something wrong"
saws the Clay Center Times. with the
mans taste who quotes Burns when
there is so much good poetry. written
in a civilized language, that one can
quote. if poetry must be quoted" This
is respectfully referred to John Mac
Donald. the erudite editor OF the West
ern school Journal, for a few appro-
pirate remarks. Incidentally It might
be well for the Times to have Its cy-
clone cellar ready for emergencies.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-10-04

Two thousand Cuban insurgents re-
fuse to disarn. Looks like General
Funston will have to search their peck
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-10-04

When the Simplifed Spelling board
gets through reforming all Nae vulgar
nouns and other uncapitalized words.
will It please pass on to some Of the
family names OF this country and plane
them OF a bit?-Syracuse Post-Stand-
ard.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-10-04

Very likely the joints are moving
back to town with view to supply
1nE the trade during the legislature.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-10-04

A divorced woman in Danville, Ill,
has become the cook for the woman
who succeeded her as wife. Isn't
that revenge 2-New York Herald.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-10-04
RUNCO.

PhiladeIphIa's latest bank Failure IS
the worst scald since William Penn i
first cargo Of beads was unloaded upon
the Ind1ans.-St. Louis Globe-Demo-
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-10-04

A North Carolina bank cashier died
recently without leaving a shortage in
his accounts. 1t is suspected that he
was demented.-Chicago Record Her
aid.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-10-04

We people who oppose mobs insist
that s'the law be allowed to take its
course. But one Of the chief causes
bf nobs is the fact that the law too
pften falls to take its course. The guilty
wretch who ought to be speedily and
usuauaarily punished by the law, hires
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-10-04

The silence of Mr. Grover Cleveland
continues to be accepted as an indi-
cation that the fish are still biting
Toledo Blade.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-10-04
SAME an GAME.

The Standard on company apparent
~ is making good Roadway in its game
Of freeze OUT in the Kansas oil fields.
A dispatch from Cherryyale says in
part: The price of crude oil in the
Kansas territory field now is less than
one-third OF what it was two years
ago. Then it was $1.2s a barrel for the
top grade; now it is 80 cents per bar
rel" It is the same oil from the same
wells and produces just as much kero-
sene and other by products. It does
not travel any further to the refinery,
nor does il cost any more to refine It.
The situation is the visible evidence of
the ability of the Standard Oil COM
pany to ontrol the markets for crude
oil.-Staford Republican.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-10-04
KANSAS COM1ENT
AN "OPTIMIsT'' view.

This paper is in favor of the election
OF Harris for gvernor, and for the de-
feat OF Hoch, but it doesn't believe the
Democrats are going to make any votes
py lnsanely antagonizing everything
Hoeh has done or may do. We believe
Hoch Is a weak sister, and that his
backbone in Enthusiastically small, but
We do not believe he is either a VII
lain, nor a corrupt man. Landed in
the governors chair by a fortuitous
ombination of circumstances over
which he had no control and with the
forming of which he had but little to
do, he suddenly conceived the idea that
II was his own strong personality that
had made him governor, and he pro-
ceeded to at once overlook and neglect
his friends, and forget the principles
whose exemplar he was supposed to be.
The creature of politics, he became the
tool of corrupt men. A clean and hon
est idealist he fell an easy prey to the
glibtongued tricksters who are so
eager to fawn upon officials. Adver-
tised as a martyr" and elevated to a
position for which he was not fitted,
he assumes virtues he has not, and so
has made himself ridiculous. Hoch is
a poor governor. though a good man;
a weak executive, but a profound
moralist; a theorist and dreamer. not a
man of action.-Jamestown Optimist.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-10-04
FULL LEASED WIRE REPORT
OF THE ASSOCIATED sRFSS

The State Journal IS a member Of this
Associated Press and receives the fun day
ganization for the exclusive afternoon
publication in Topeka.
The news is received in The state Jour
pose.
The Providence news. (Providence [R.I.]) 1891-1906, 1906-03-16
MARKET
SPECIALS

FRESH PORK LOINS (whole)
per pound. d.......,.,............. ...'sioc-
SMALL FRESH FOWL
per pound d....................... ......ioc.
LEGS MUTTON
per pound .......,...........t .t.c, ana up
LEGS OF SPRING LAMB
per pound ................ lie. and UP.
FOREQUARTERS LAMB
FANCY PHILADELPHIA CAPONS
and CHICKENS, FRESH NER-
MONT TURKEYS, RHODE
ISLAND DUCKS. GUINEA FOWL,
NENISON and GAME of
all kinds.
NEW FRESH VEGETABLES
I'm great abundance--and the quality
Excellent.
NEW SUMMER SQUASH, WAX
STRING BEANS, CAULIFLOWBRS,
BEANS, CAULIFLOWERS,
CUCUMBERS. TOMATOES, DANDE-
LIONS. BEET GREENS, NEW
BUNCH BEETS, NEW POTATOES,
LETTUCE, RADISHES, ETC.
For Saturday we will sell
BEST EASTERN EARLY
ROSE POTATOES
per bushcl............... soc.
The Providence news. (Providence [R.I.]) 1891-1906, 1906-03-16

EAIAIJC--
LOBSTER
CHICKEN
POTATO
CABBAGE
Our COLD MEATS
include
CORNED BEEF
SCOTCH HAM
ROAST BEEF
LAMB
PORK. Etc.
ROASTED BOILED HAM
or VEAL LOAF.................. soc.
The Providence news. (Providence [R.I.]) 1891-1906, 1906-03-16
TEA & COFFEE

GOOD FORMOSA
Regular price per lb.................2 .2bc.
Tomorrow per lb...,..............18 18c.
NARRAGANSET-rB BLEND
FANCY FORMOSA or FANCY
MIXED
Regular nrice per lb.................50 SOC.
Tomorrow per 10. b.....................3 3ec.
WELLINGTON BLEND
Regular price per lb...............7bo
Tomorrow per lb....................oe
SPECIAL HOTEL BLEND
Regular price per lb.................22 22c.
Tofnorrow per Ib.................2 2Oc.
NARRAGANSETT MALEBERRY
Regular price per lb............... 2ec.
Tomorrow per lb ................. ... 2oc.
WELLINGTON MOCHA and JAVA
Per lb 3bc 2 lbs for 81 90.
Served free AT Coffee Section.