The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1906-10-16
WISE GUY ON
CHURCH DEMOCRACY
Their Acts, as Kentuckian Says,
Would Drive a Man
From Drink.
WISEY BUTTS INTO GAME
AND MEETS WITH REBUFF
Democrats Put Up "Holler," J"
but SmOOt Will Fix EN-
All Right.

t'Them church Democrats is certainly
enough to drive Il man from drink,
said the Wise Guy, as he drained his
glass and then dug up the lemon at the
bottom and ate it. What do you
think?'' You know me and Reed and
Ed Loose and Martincau has a-been
fr&min' up n deal whereby we could
elecr church ticket In the County TINS
fall az skin the Americans. Reed and
Ed tell me to go ahead and fix the
in that H. was mere child s play.
HtWell, / gifts Jodey Eldrcdge, Al
Scare, Mike Cunningham, Jack Howells,
Ly Martineau, c. Frank Emery, Ashby
Snow, Willard Hanson and few other
of the boys together and makes my
spiel. tells them that we ain { got no
more show than a SNOWFALL i'll the place
where Reed wants all the Americans to
go TO, unless we fuses. and then | be
Gins to say that the Republicans don t
want much. Of course, | put 1T up to
them. that In view of the fact that Reed
and Loose and Salisbury was a-gittin
mighty tired editin' the payroll of the
Smootite organ, we would have to have
the County Clerk, to start with.
Well, L guess not, Al Scare butts
in. What do you take me for any wayf
Here l We been a-runnln' for this nom
iuation steady every two years ever
since / car, remember am this is only
the second time [ have landed it. Me
for County Clerk, and don t YOU fergit
it With that, he pulls his hat down
over one ear and ducks.
Howells Gets Busy.
F'Then l quietly mentions the fact
that Reed also wants the Sheriff s Office,
- 1., l1trC, n IN
throw to the organ, but because of the
tender and caressin' manner i'll which
Emery treated Heber j. and Joseph F,
when they was a-tryin' to run corner
in plurals. Then. Jack Howells pro-
ceeds to git busy and he wastes a half
hour a-givin me a five minutes talk.
1 can't tell YOU what he said and how
he said 1t, because you ain t runnin
monthly, but he shorely said plenty.
Amt that a gall for you? And he
cussed Reed, right to his face, too, the
boys tell me, after the last city cleo
tiop. Jack Howells is a-goin to be
Sheriff, he says, 'or he don Z play
by this time i was agetting' a
little riled an | says: We'll, maybe
some O. You ducks objects to us havin'
the County Commissioners
swell sir, | thought shore that Mike
Cunningham would throw a fit. Coun
ty Commissioners, he yells, fergit ii,
Wiscy, fergit it, back up, vamoose, skee7
Reed and Loose takes us for? We are
the great unwashed and unterriGed. We
know our rights and we are a-goin To
have 'em, see And with that he goes
out and roasts Dole, Just because he had
to roast somebody to ease his mind.
by tins time ] was a-geJtin' pretty
sore, but l didn't let on. Well, any
way [ says kinder sarcastic like, /
guess there won be no objections TO
our havin the County Attorneyship.
- oh, there won t, screeched Ashby
Snow. There won't be no objections
a-tall, only I'll see You an Reed an
Lose an the whole Doodle of YOU fur
ther in the hot place than ] could talk
YOU in week. before / Jars myself
loose from the chance of drawin salary
for the next two years, without doin a
lick of work, like Parley Christensen s
been a-doin- Well, sir, ] thought Ash
like he did that night he made that
break about never votin' for Emery
again.
Sc How about Constable 7 says
kinder meek like With that, Ly Mar
tineau and Jodey Eldredge falls on my
neck In unison and burned near choked
me to death. That IS the stuff, Wisey,'
they said in chorus. That's the stuff.
Reed and Loose didn t make no mis-
take when they entrusted you with this
mighty and diplomatic task. Give 'em
our compliments am tell 'em we accept
with thanks.
With that, the balance Of the crowd
fades away an leaves me a-settin
there by myself. When I tells Reed
about it he Just laughs an says:
That's all right, Wisey, old boy. You
seen your duty an YOU done it. Leave
the rest to me. That bunch will either
come to time, or LII have 'em all ex-
communicated.
Have they come to time2' asked
the historian.
E'Have they been excommunicated7n
asked the Wise Guy.
Apostle Reed Smoot and Col. C. Ed.
Loose, of Provo, were in the city Mon
day Both church parties now know
what IS expected of them during the re-
mainder of the week.
A church Democrat WAS talking to
an American in Democratic county
headquarters Monday regarding the
voting machine. "Here 8 the way I
intend TO VOTE said the American,
who thereupon turned the American
knob and voted a straight American
llchcJ <tHu mere the way / Will
vote" I" said the Mormon Democrat, who
threw the Republican knob and voted
a straight Republican ticket. Straws
show which way the wind blows.
OF course, it can hardly be called a
reflection upon anybody with Navajo
tendencies but, at the same time, it is
noticed that the Navajo rug in church
Democratic State headquarters has
been securely nailed down.
Lafayette Holbrook of Provo was a
visitor to the city Monday. 1t is stat
ed upon presumably good authority that
Mr.. Holbrook will vote the Smoot Re-
publican ticket this fall.
Harry J. Robinson, editor of the
Bingham Bulletin, and candidate for
the lower house of the Legislature, on
the church Republican ticket, was a
Salt Lake visitor Monday. Mr.. Robin.
son is said to believe that there is one
man, at least, on the church Republican
ticket who should be elected, and that