The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-09-22
MAKES 'EM WEEP
Mark Twain Pleads With As
ISOLATED Press Members
To Adopt the " FOnetic $ SPELL
ing for Three Months.
MOTIVE is SELFISH.
He Is Paid for Work at So Much
Per Word.
Would Like to Have Words as
Short as Possible.
MOTIVE IS SELFISH.


New York. Sept 22.-Mark Twain
was in one of his merriest moods
when he addressed the banquet Of the
Associated Press at the Waldorf-As-
toria on the wisdom Of the simplifed
form Of spelling.
Like a father Gliding his erring son,
the humorist urged upon the Asso-
ciated Press to reform its spelling and
nos make the English language
tough" when it is .tuh'' enough al
ready.
He said he was urged by a desire for
the public good and his own private
gain in making his plea for slmplifed
spelling.
He related the woes OF authors who
are paid by the word He said the
English language cheated them by the
use OF words 20 long as vestibuIed
trains. He was pathetic ia his plea
for shorter ones He almost shed tears
over it. So did his isteners-tears
Of laughter that kept them convulsed
throughout the address, which he
made without the twitching of mus
Gle.
Here is what he said;
Begins With Light Joke.
Il am here to make an appeal to the
nations in behalf of the simplified
spelling. I have come here because
they can not all be reached except
through you There are only two
forces that can carry light to all the
corners of the globe-Only two=t1ae
sun in the heavens and the Associated
Press down here. may seem to be
fattering the sun, but I do not mean it
so; am meaning only to be just and
faia all round
You speak with a million voices;
no one can reach so. many races, so
many hearts and intenects as you, ex-
cept Rudyard kipling, and he can not
do it without your help. If the AS
ISOLATED Press viii adopt and use our
slmphhed forms and thus spread them
TO the ends of the earth, covering the
whols spacious planet with them as
with garden OF flowers, our Difficult
ties are at an end.
Every day OF the 365 the only
pages of the worlds countless newspa-
pers that are read by all the human
beings and angels and devils that can
read are those pages that are built out
OF Associated Press dispatches So I
beg You, I beseech you-oh. fmplore
you-to spell them in our simplifed
forms. Do this daily. constantly, per-
slstently. for three mOnths-On1v three
mouths-it is all I ask. The fnfalIfb1e
result? Victory Victory all down the
line. For by that time all eyes here
and above and below viii have become
aaJusted TO the change and in love
ragged forms win be grotesque to the
eye and revolving to the soul.
Some of the Words He LOathes.
Then we shall be rid Of phthvsis
and phthysic and pneumonia and
pneumatics and diphtheria and ptera-
uaetyi ana all those other insane
words which no man addicted to the
simple Christian life can try to spell
and not lose some of the bloom of his
pleIy IN the demorafizing attempt. Do
not doubt it. We are chameleons, and
our partlaIltles and prejudices change
places with an easy and blessed facili-
" and we are soon WOnted to the
change and happy in it. We do not
regret our old yellow fangs and snags
and tuskS after we have worn nice
fresh uniform store teeth a while.
Do I seem to be seeking the good
OF the world2 That is the idea. 1t is
my public attitude; privately I am
merely seeking my own profit We all
DO 1t, but it IS sound, and it is virtuous
Tor no public interest is anything other
or nobler than a massed accumulation
of private interests
In 1888, when the simplifled spell
Ing movement first tried to make
noise, I was Indifferent to 1t; more-I
even irreverently seoffed at it. What
needed was an object lesson. YOU see:
It Is the only way to teach some peo-
pie. Very we'll; got It.
Highly Effective Object Lesson,
along earning the family's bread on
magazine work at seven cents a word
compound words at single rates, Just
as 1t is in the dark present. was the
property Of a magazine, a seven cent
slave under boiler iron contract One
day there came note from the editor
requiring me to write ten pages on this
revolving text; sConsidera tons con-
corning the alleged subterranean holo-
photal extempo of the con-
chyliaceous experimentation Of the
ornithorhyncus, as foreshadowed by
the unintelligibiiity Of its plesiosaurian
anlsodactylous aspects
Ten pages of that. Each and every
word seventeen jointed vestibuled
railroad train. Seven cents a word. I
saw starvation staring the family in
the face. I went to the editor. and I
took stenographer along, so as to
have the interview down in black and
WHITE for no magazine editor can ever
remember any part Of a business talk
except the part that's got graft in it
for him and the magazine.
Il said. Read that text, Jackson,
and let it go on record; read it out
loud He read it: Considerations
concerning the alleged subterranean
holophOtal extempo of the