davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1906-10-13
Simple.

Scott-There's only one way to become
famous as an author and that is to write
something worth while.
Mott--Bosh! That's an old-fashioned
idea. Nowadays the only way is to do
crazy things which can be worked up
into literary anecdotes.-Boston Tran
script.
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1906-10-13
Too Many Risks.
scheme

Yes. Biddleford's Russian scheme
was an entire failure"
what did he go there for?"
ITO organize an accident insurance
company. "-Cleveland Plain Dealer.
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1906-10-13
Realism.

do you believe that realism is a bene-
fit to the dramaT
"Decdedly," answered Mr.. Storming-
ton Barnes. Il cannot express myself
too strongly in favor of the practice
when has grown up in recent years of
paying actors with real money. WASH
ington Star
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1906-10-13

Your wife's recent illness must have
been fearfully eXpensive?"
Not at ALL she missed eight recep-
tons, four balls and the opera season.
Think Of the saving in clothes. Life.
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1906-10-13
Feather Beds Dangerous.

Timid people who are afraid of being
killed by lightning should take refuge in
statistics rather than in feather beds
The one victim of Il storm which swept
over Boston recently was leaning against
an iron bar. Yet even in this dangerous
environment his chances of being killed
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1906-10-13
Human Nature.

no annexation" declared Cuba. Not
n bit of it," heartily assented the Unit
I'd States. "Caramba. Why not? Are
we not good enough for uy'-Louis-
vile Colgier-Iournal
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1906-10-13
Fits

Helm going to Marienhad to take
the waters and thin down bit
She-Aren't YOU thin enough?
He--No. I've Just had a dozen shirts
made, and they all fit me too tightly
round the neck.-Caricature
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1906-10-13
The Flv Flv

viii you step into my parlor?"
Said the spider to the Fly,
Inviting her politely TO her doom:
Rut the fly was pretty tly.
Nay Kind sir" She made rrply.
= IN afraid your parlor'S hut Il dining
room BOSTON Transcript
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1906-10-13
Another Difficulty.

Il suppose that when you discover the
north pole you will regard your labors
as completedY"
NO" answered the Arctic explorer.
The hardest part will be yet to come.
Wen have to find some way of getting
home again. Washington Star.
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1906-10-13
An Appreciation.

Il ray, old fellow" said the friend,
rummaging around the studio, cant you
give me some rotten little painting of
yours Something you don't want. Iii
have it framed, you notwithstanding
4 mes.
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1906-10-13
IF Tea Table Salad. =
Possibly Exaggerated.

Jovial Student-Did you hear me come
home last night. Frau Drosehl?"
Landlady-I did, indeed. the whole
night long.-Fliegende Blaetter.
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1906-10-13

Bridget, but my husband wants to break
fast tomorrow at $50.
Cook-Oh. it won't be any trouble at
all. mum, if he don't knock nothin over
whole cookin' it an wake me up
Judge
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1906-10-13
A Cure Needed.

Mrs. Nexdore-I've been thinking of
having my daughters voice cultivated.
Would you?
Mrs. KnoX-By all means, if you have
tried every other Philadelphia
Ledger.
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1906-10-13

demnify the Battersea corporation to
the extent of $500 for any possible
libel action arising out of the inscrip-
ton.
The monument is protected from hos
tile attack by electric bells.
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1906-10-13
He Knew Them.

Sunday School Teacher - Now, then,
Willie Smart, can you tell me what Il
prophet is?
Willie Smart-Why, a prophets one o
these fellows that's always lookin' for Il
chance to say Il told you so.'-Phila-
delphia Ledger.
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1906-10-13
Comforting.

She-Do you love me more than any
girl you ever knew?
He-Well. | love you more than any
other girl who would have me.-Floh.
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1906-10-13

ant of the palace Gen. Deduline re-
ceived q warning from the Terrorsts
that he had been sentenced to death.
The Terrorists claim to have killed Ire
poff by poison. although his physicians
say heart disease was the cause. Dozens
of attemnts to kill Trenoff failed
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1906-10-13
0veTeating.

Church-I see they are crying for
more missionaries over in Africa
Gotham-Why. those cannibals must
he regular gluttUns.-Yonkcrs States
man.
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1906-10-13
Gallant.

Mcv-Really, don't feet like walking.
My feet bother me a good deal.
Jack-My? You must be very nervous.
May-Nervous? Why?
Jack-Otherwise you wouldn't let such
little things bother you.-Philadelphia
Ledger
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1906-10-13
A level.

You entertain great deal more than
you did formerly, | notice
Yes. indeed. This is the first really
hospitable cook we ever had. Life.
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1906-10-13
Municipal Ownership Fails.

The failure of the municipal bakeries
at Catania. Italy. is reported by Mr.
Churchill. the British consul at Palermo
There was n $4,000 deficit in tie bal
ance sheet. and the request governing
4 loan of $4,000 was refused by royal
commission: in consequence the institu-
ton has been closed.
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1906-10-13

People marvel at the mechanism Of
the human body with 24S bones and %
arteries. But man is simple in this re-
spect compared with the carp. That Ire, re-.
markable fish moves no fewer than los,
bones and muscles every time IL
breathes. 1t has 1920 veins, to say notu-
ing of it's 90 muscles.
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1906-10-13

The first meerschaum pipe was mace
by Karol HOwater in 1123. ms g'PV
is still in the Pesth museum.
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1906-10-13
MONUMENT TO A DOG.

In Battersea, Great Britain, the Anti
Vivisection society of England mas
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1906-10-13
THE CARS GUARDIAN.

| Since the death of Gen. Trepoff, the
| Cars life has been in the hands of Gen.
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1906-10-13

No. l don't think Reggy will ever
learn "a run his auto"
Why nott"
Hes always trying To roll cigere..e
oha Suide the machine at the Ss,ee
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1906-10-13
No Ohiectio,

4HN SblSNtAuus
Mistress-l am sorry to trouble you.
Lexington gazette. [volume] (Lexington, Va.) 1871-1962, 1906-03-07
His Wife's Money.

Once upon time a man married
q woman who had inherited $500
from a grandfather. This was all
she ever received, but the man ney-
er got credit for his efforts the rest
Of his life. lie built q new store.
ole did it with his wife's money"
the neighbors said. The home was
made over and enlarged. ellis
wife's money did it," was the only
comment. The little measly $500
she inherited received the credit for
everything he did during life and
when he died and his widow put up
a monument with his life insurance,
'Her money paid for that" was said
again. But this is what her money
really went for: During her engage
ment she bought herself $3.50 pia
no and a $3.50 diamond ring and in
"a few weeks lost the ring, and there
was always some regret that she
didn't also lose the piano.-Atchi-
son Globe.
Lexington gazette. [volume] (Lexington, Va.) 1871-1962, 1906-03-07
The Travellers Tree.

In the island of Jamaica there is
a tree that is greatly admired by all
visitors; hence its name-traveler's
tree. 1t is similar to the palm tree,
bat in shape is like fan. A curl
Gus feature of this tree is that its
plumelike leaves sway and bend with
the sun and the rain. In rainy
weather the leaves bend almost to
the ground, but in sunshine they
raise themselves to their upright
and more graceful position. The
effect is very curious, for the leaves
of this tree are immense. Any place
of consequence in Jamaica has one
or more Of these specimens, but it is
necessary to travel there for sight
Of them, for they will not grow in
any other climate.
Lexington gazette. [volume] (Lexington, Va.) 1871-1962, 1906-03-07
A Preference For s.sanant Water.

The Arabs in the deserts have
contracted a strange prejudice
against running water and will only
drink what they find in some stag
nant pool. So much has this be-
come matter of habit with them
that, while the most poisonous look
ing water agrees with them admira-
bly,, pure running water will make
them violently sick in the course
Of a few hours. This prejudice is
shared by most of the lower animals
and is often acquired by European
travellers in Africa. AT first the
stagnant water produces nausea and
even fever, but when once the Sys-
tenn is Injured to it running water
affects them in precisely the same
way that it affects the Arabs-Lon-
don Express.
Lexington gazette. [volume] (Lexington, Va.) 1871-1962, 1906-03-07
Try 1t Yourself

An exchange prints the follow
ing curious item: "Tie a string
about yard lorg to a common
door key. Then take the string
in the right hand and hold it SO
the key will clear the floor four or
five inches.I you can hold the key
steady enough it will begin to
swing back and forth in straight
line.
r "Let another person take your left
hard ia his, and the motion of the
key will change from a pendulum
like swing to circular swing. Ii
a third person will place his hand
on The shoulder of the second
person, the key will stop. Try it
and explain 1t II you can"
Lexington gazette. [volume] (Lexington, Va.) 1871-1962, 1906-03-07
Her Triumph.

Mrs. Bricktop bursting with
pride)-How dye like my new car
pet, Mrs. Crosseye?
Mrs. Crosseye bursting with en-
wy = It's -er- very nice indeed
Mrs. Bricktop, fer = fer brussels
BY the way, | nearly forgot what
came for. ] wish you would lend
me your lawn mower a few mo-
ments.
'Iawn mower? Why, certainly,
But what on earth can you want of
lawn mower at this time of the
year?"
81 desire to thin down our velvet
carpet in the nursery a little. The
children are always losing their mar
bles in it."-London Answers.
Lexington gazette. [volume] (Lexington, Va.) 1871-1962, 1906-03-07
THE STORY OF AN MIGRATE
A Gamblers Generosity and What II
Rrouaht In Return.

A Gamblers Generosity and What u
Brought In Return.
There is a well authenticated sto-
ry of Scrope Davis, London dandy
of hundred years ago, an inveter-
ate gambler, but also a man of tai
ent, a gentleman and a wit. One
night he was introduced to a young
man named Hastings, who had in
herited a colossal fortune, much Of
which he had already gambled away.
They commenced to play hazard,
Hastings remarking at the same
time that he must soon cut that sort
of fun, as he was about to marry
and settle down.
Scrope was in great luck. Main
after main he won and as often
wished to cease play, but Hastings,
who continued to pour glass after
glass of champagne down his parch-
ed throat, was pallid with excite
ment and insisted upon chance to
retrieve his fortune. The excite
ment became general. Other players
left their own tables to crowd around
the duelists. Time after time Hast
ings threw crabs, while Davis fol-
lowed with the nick.
The rattle of the dice and the
ceaseless flow Of wines went on all
night and far into the next day.
Hastings was mad with excitement.
Every pound and every security be
possessed OF could think Of he pledg-
ed and lost. At last, like the game
ster who staked his wife upon q cast
of the dice and lost, he would have
risked the welfare of the girl to
whom he was engaged if the other
would have accepted that kind Of
security. But he would not. Then
Hastings hurled dice and box across
the saloon, smashing a splendid mir
ror, and, throwing himself exhausted
upon a sofa, burst into tears, ex-
claiming: 81 can play no more. l
have lost everything l have in the
world. l am beggarl"
Davis stood still, calm, unmoved,
watching him. Then he said: "Mr.
Hastings, listen to me. 1 will forego
everything 1 have won tonight on
one condition, and that is that you
will take a solemn oath never to
touch cards or dice again." The
ruined gambler fell on his knees to
thank his benefactor and to take the
oath. The latter Immediately re-
stored everything he had won, and,
oddly enough, Hastings kept his
vow and lived a wealthy and pros
porous man.
But the medal has a sordid re-
verse. When in after years Scrope
Davis, reduced to great poverty,
to ask him for some slight |
assistance, the hound wrote him a
curt, formal reply in the third per-
son, regretting that Mr.. Hastings |
was unable to offer Mr.. Scrope Da-
Wis any assistance,
Lexington gazette. [volume] (Lexington, Va.) 1871-1962, 1906-03-07
STRANGE. but Trua.

81 saw a curious thing the other
day" said the fayorite story teller
ut a party.
"Well, what was it? Is it true
story" asked one of the listeners.
eyes; perfectly true. l saw a
duck swimming across a pond and a
cat sitting ON its tail"
'1ndeedp exclaimed another lis
tener. "What sort OF a duck was itP
Any particular kind?"
eyes; it was a diving duck.
Strange to say, the duck Owed"
For some moments there was 81
lence; then lady asked:
"And what became of the poor
cat? Was it drowned, or did it
only lose one of its nine lives ?"
"No; it wasn't drowned" said the
story teller. ''You see, the duck
dived in the middle of the pond, but
the cat was sitting on its own tail
on wall close by"
Lexington gazette. [volume] (Lexington, Va.) 1871-1962, 1906-03-07
THE MOOSE YARD.
Winter Quarters of the Animal and the
Hunt For Food.

The yarding of the moose is a ia
miliar phrase that has furnished the
ground for several misconceptions.
Many persons think that a moose
yard is large place, with all the
snow in it hammered down smooth
and surrounded by a straight wall
Of untrodden snow which rises to
the level of the deep, soft covering
of the forest beyond. They imagine,
further, that as soon as the new
snowstorm begins the moose gets
to work, hoof and horn, to hammer
it down smooth and hard within
the yard.
The fact is that when the snow
deepens the moose family, father,
mother and little ones, or sometimes
several families together, settle in
some place of abundant food and
by winding daily in this they cover
the ground with network of path
ways. The longer they stay the
more and wider the pathways, SO
that finally there are but few spaces
untrodden of twenty square yards
across.
The deeper the snow in the woods
the more the moose must work for
their food, since the lower bushes
and ground herbs are cut off, and
thus the difference between the
snow in the yard and that in the
woods increases. If the food is suf-
fciently abundant in the yard and
no hunters find them the moose stay |
there till spring. If it gives out,
they must begin perilous journey
through the snow in search Of an
other place. It is during this jour-
ney only that they fear the wolves.
1t is always done in single file, so
that the young ones in the rear do
not have very hard time, and it is
usually done with judgment found
ed on their memory of the country.
The moose yard is commonly fire.
quented by the moose birds, or Can
ada jays. l am not sure why. The
moose by tearing down and roofing
up logs and dead trees may expose
worms, ETC., or the parasitic insects
in their hair may furnish food for
the bird. There are several other
cases of small birds associating with
large beasts, and in each the bird
Is believed to serve the beast as a
and get his return in
parasitic insects.
With the melting of the snow the
necessity for yarding ceases, and
he moose family scatters.-Ernest
Thompson Seton in Scribner's.
Lexington gazette. [volume] (Lexington, Va.) 1871-1962, 1906-03-07
MUTILATED Money.
Conditions Under Wish II VIII Be Re-
deemed BY Uncle Sam.

The united States government
will pay for mutilated bill proyid-
ed that three-ffths of it are recov-
cred. The method Of determining
just what part of the note remains
is rather interesting. Each mutilat-
ed bill is carefully pasted on a back
ing of paper the size of the COM
plete bill. The expert has a piece Of
glass the exact size Of the bill. This
glass is divided into forty squares.
When placed over the bill if the ex-
pert can find that the remnants of
the bill fill twenty-four of the
squares, or three-ffths of them, the
bill will be redeemed.
Not long ago Missouri farmer
was leaning over to feed his pigs
when he dropped his purse into the
pen. When he discovered his loss
an hour later he searched the pen
and found the purse, but nothing Of
its contents. The pigs were slaugh-
tered that day and the remains of
the money taken to Washington.
Three hundred dollars were return
ed to the farmer.
Burned money is the hardest for
the government experts to work on,
with the possible exception of mon
ey which has been gnawed by mice.
The department at Washington
once received a cigar box full of
money which had been sent from
Philadelphia with the necessary af-
fidavit showing that it had been in
side a poorly constructed safe and
had been burned to the condition in
which it was forwarded. Evidently
with the idea that the original pack
age ought not to be broken, the
sender inclosed the charred pieces
with some silver coins which had
also been in the badly burned safe.
In its passage through the mails the
heavy silver was shaken through the
charred bills till there was hardly a
piece left the size of the head Of a
pin.
The experts who handled the mu-
tilated money by the aid Of magnify
ing glasses soon brought out four
fifty dollar bills and within an hour
recommended that they be redeemed
by the treasury.
Only infinite care and patience
can bring any result with the mice |
chewed bills. Each Of the pieces is
laid out on hard, smooth surface,
and with the assistance of magnify |
ing glasses they can be placed in
their proper position in relation to
one another, The experts have a
copy of every bill which has been
issued by The government. These
are used as models as soon as
enough of the bill has been laid out
to establish its issue. The experts
say that the best bills we're printed
by the government during the civil
war period. The grade of paper was
superior to any other used, and the
engraving has never been excelled.
Lexington gazette. [volume] (Lexington, Va.) 1871-1962, 1906-03-07
Leaves That Are Fifty Feet Lonu.


In our temperate climate none OF
the trees has leaves of size that
will even compare favorably with
those of the sea island and tropical
countries in general. The maple,
the oak and the elm leaves are but
infnitesimal bits of green when
compared with the gigantic sheets
of velvety yerdure found on some
Of the trees, shrubs and plants of
South and Central America. The
South American tree which has the
largest leaf is the Inaja palm, which
grows on the banks of the Amazon.
The leaves Of this giant are often
fifty feet in length, but they are
very narrow, seldom exceeding eight
to ten feet. With the Ceylonese
cocoanut palm it is different. In
that species the leaves are from
twenty to twenty-five feet in length
and from sixteen to eighteen in
width. The natives of Ceylon are
said to use these leaves in tentmak.
ing, three or four being sufficient
to make a shelter for a whole fam
ily.
Lexington gazette. [volume] (Lexington, Va.) 1871-1962, 1906-03-07
No False Pretense

Has marked the career OF Ely's
Cream Balm. No idle promises OF re-
wards for cases it will not cure. Being
entirely harmless. 1t Is not responsible
like the catarrh snuffs and powders,
for mlnds shattered by cocaine. The
great posItive virtue Of Ely's Cream
Balm is that it speedily and completely
cures nesal catarrh ard hay fever.
Back Of this statement Is the testimony
OF thousdands and a reputation Of
many year's'success. All druggists, SOC.
or mail BY Ely Bros, SO Warren Street,
New York;
Lexington gazette. [volume] (Lexington, Va.) 1871-1962, 1906-03-07
A TELLING Retort.

A young Irish lady one day enter
ed railway carriage where three
Englishmen were seated. When the
train had started and was about half
a mile out of the station the three
travellers began talking about the
Irish, when one of them was heard
to say, "Why, the Irish sleep with
the pigs" eyes," interrupted tho
young lady, ''and travel with them
too.
Lexington gazette. [volume] (Lexington, Va.) 1871-1962, 1906-03-07
FraternaI Orders.

ttoekhidge Lodge, No. 5S. 1. .. 0. F.
meets every Thursday night, at Odd Eel
lows Hall.
Lexington Lodge, No. So, K. Of P,
meets every Tuesday night, at Odd Fell
lows Hall.
Liberty Lodge, No, 2, Daughters of
Rebekah, meets every Monday night at
Odd Fellows Hall.
Mountain City Lodge, No. 81, Ancient
York Masons, meets LIST and Bird Mon.
day nights at Masonic Hall
Natural Bridge Council, No.1920 Royal
Arcanum, meets list and 5rd Friday
nights In each month, at Odd Fellows
Hall.
Lee Jackson Council, No. 50, Junior
Order American Mechanics, meets every
2nd and 4th Friday nights at Odd Fellows
Hall
Lexington gazette. [volume] (Lexington, Va.) 1871-1962, 1906-03-07
Sens In Verse
Youths AoitstIons.


When shall be divorced. some ten years
hence,
From this poor present self which I am
now,
When youth has done its tedious vain
expense
OF passions that forever ebb and flow.
Shall not JOY youths heats are left be-
hind
And breathe more happy in an even
ciime7
All, no. for then shall begin to find
A thousand virtues In this hated timel
Then shall wish its agitations back
And all It's thwartins currents OF desire
Then shall praise the heat which then
lack
And call this hurrylng fever generous
FIRE
And sigh that one thing only has been
lent
To youth and age In common-disconten
Matthew Arnold.
Lexington gazette. [volume] (Lexington, Va.) 1871-1962, 1906-03-07
Hls Presentations.

Ascum-I hear your son is going
in for a literary career.
Mrs. Dreamer-Yes. He started
This very morning.
Ascum-Indeedl What has he
done?
Mrs. Dreamer-He's sat for his
photograph in two poses-one where
he's reading a book and anothss
With bis brow resting on his hand.
Lexington gazette. [volume] (Lexington, Va.) 1871-1962, 1906-03-07
We'll Tlmed.

"That was great sermon you
preached this morning" said the
old churchwarden, "and it was well
timed too"
eyes," rejoined the parson, with
a deep sigh; 81 noticed that"
"Noticed what?" asked the puz-
zled warden.
"That several Of the congregation
looked at their watches frequently"
answered the good man, with an
other deep sigh.--LQndon Answers
Lexington gazette. [volume] (Lexington, Va.) 1871-1962, 1906-03-07

wonderfully successful In promptly curing
lame back, kidney. bladder, uric acid trou-
bles and Bright's Disease. which Is the worst
form Of kidney trouble.
DR.. Kilmer's Swamp-Root Is not rec
ommcndedfor everything but II you havekId-
ney, liver or bladder trouble II will be found
Just the remedy you need. lthas been tested
in so many ways. in hospital work. in private
practice, among the helpless too poor to pur-
chase relief and has proved so successful in
every case that a special arrangement has
been made by which all readers Of this paper
who have not already tried It. may have a
sample bottle sent free by mail, also book
telling more about Swamp-Root and how to
find out fyou have kidney or bladder trouble.
When writing mention reading this generous
offer in this paper and EyE
send your address to 6aslsFTk1 1s..s$ssb
Or. Klmer & Co., Bing- e r ..,,.,.s3
hannton, N. Y. The SSssis ssL 1...sS.EEEEz n
regular fifty cent and Home of sVamp-ROOt.
dollar sizes are sold by all good druggists.
Don't make any mistake, but remember
the name, Swamp-Root, Or. Kllmer's
and the address, .Binghamton,
N. Y. on every bottle.
Lexington gazette. [volume] (Lexington, Va.) 1871-1962, 1906-03-07

cures made BY Dr..
Kilmer's Swamp-Root,
the great kidney. liver
lid bladder remedy.
Il is the great medi-
caltriumph of the nine
teenth century; dis
covered after years Of
scientific research by
Or. Kilmer, the cml-
nent kidney and blad-
der specialist, and Is