Martinsburg statesman. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1869-1906, 1906-03-23
Giving A Girl Advice

is not the proper thing to lean up
against a six-foot son Of man on the
dark side of vine-clad veranda at II. 80
p. m, and allow him to spread his
mouth all over your face. He may be
an exemplary young man and ex-
tremely fastidious regarding his recep-
tacle for food, but you should under
no circumstances allow him to wipe it
on your iridescent bushes, as your
fond parents never intended that you
should be used for napkin.
1t seems foolish in you to ask if
there is any harm in allowing young
man to balance his head on your Shout
der and coil his coatsleeve around your
waist to keep you in position. You
should remember, Maud that you are
no circus: you are not the greatest show
on earth; you are not great aggrega-
ton of wonders, with three large rings
under one eye, and Menagerie at
tached, all for the small sum of 50
cents, and if any man shows dispo-
sition to poise his ready -rekoner on
your northern projection, you inform
him in cool, calm, collected tones that
you have never procured permit from
the Board of Public Works authorizing
you to wheel yourself around over the
American continent in the capasity Of
an invalid's chair. / am under the inn
preston that you will run just as
much danger from an onslaught of
cerebro spinal meningitis, or words to
that effect, with male coat sleeve
wrapped around your waist as you
would if you stand out in the night air
with nothing but a pink sash tied
around it. 1t doesn't do young girl
any good to wrap herself up too much
in a young man when she's out late
nights.
Do l think husband and wife who
love each other can get along in good
shape if the husband happens to be a
cashier in bank and gets S45 month
for the noble gladiator-of-Capua style
in which he bears up under the re-
sponsibility of his position? 1t de-
ponds great deal, dear Maud, on
whether they are occupying apart
ments in close proximity to the Do
minion of Canada or not. If they are,
the prospects are somewhat glittering
that they will have no prospects in
getting along, especially Mr.. Maud,
who will probably get along sometime
during the first year of married life at
a 2:13 IA pace, until the imaginary
line running due east from Vancouver's
Island to the Atlantic Ocean is passed.
Under other circumstances, Maud /
predict some trouble for the creditors
who neglect to C. O. d. when they
negotiate with the business end of ithe
family.
Love goes good way in family,
but it don't interfere with the family
getting hungry at regular intervals,
with yearn for light lunch about
1880 p. m. A hungry man can't BIZ
vouac by a chunk of warm love and
gnaw hole in it without getting some
satisfaction, but it don't make any
stentorian difference with the demand
that the department of the interior is
making for ham sandwiches or some
other style OF sterotyped rations.
So you could manufact ure shirts, do
the hOusework, and sew buttons on his
trousers!
Well, Maud, dear, you would have
the softsst end of the contract, for in
all probability Mr.. Maud. wouldn't
give you job at lshirtmaking but
about oncein two years, unless through
some unforeseen circumstance he hap
pened to get swelling on his salary,
and sewing buttons on the same pair
of pants while your husband recon-
noitered your position from behind the
fire screen would get monotonOus be-
fore the first year had faded into the
immudable past.
No, | don't think | should advise =
young couple to get married on s45 q
month, not even if they happen to
love each other, unless the woman had
practiced clarifying other peoples
wordrobss before she signed the con-
tract Ifshe is abb 10 MAKE public
laundry of herself and can play''W hite
Wings on a piano the couple will
probably get along. You see a well
regulated wife ought TO be able to
mount piano without the assistance
Of horse block. II is Auile neccssary