davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-04-05
EROM OTHER PENS
no BED.

Remington. Kan, has a police judge
who is wiser than many others ne
views human nature from n stahu-
point Of common sense. He knows It's
xvea and its needs. He has evil
IDENTIFY a particularly strong grip on
the foibies of the bibulous citizen. n
other day an old imbfber was naled
before this wise judge on a charge OF
being drunk. That was not unusual.
ne had been there before, many a
time. The Judge decided to give him
a novel course of treatment. He rheo
him 50 and then sentenced MIN 10
spend one week in bed, with an IN
4i,nction upon his family to notify the
court if The cuIprit showed a dtsposl-
tion to leave the covers before the ex-
hfration Of his term. This is a happy
/ ~expedient. There is no worse PUNISH
ment for some men than to be put 10
he'd. Some other men, of course, are
so lazy tina such a treatment would
be deIectable- It IS even to be suspect
ed that they would gladly get drunk
now and then to secure a sentence OF
this kind from the court. But the con
vivial spirit will rebel vigorously
against a forced spell of rest After
the first day or two he will "holler
fearful" as the boys say. There is, IN
truth, no work so hard for a man or
action as the work of keeping still UNI
der orders. But what about h fam
Nv of this Kansas boozer? Isn't the
week-in-bed treatment rather rough on
them? 1t is not difficult to imagine
the state of the atmosphere after a
day Or two of enforced idleness on
the part of the thirsty husband and
father. There are some wives who
would gladly brave the anger of the
court rather than entertain such a
prisoner for a week. OF course, the
IcuIprit might be kept quiet by doses
Of his favorite tipple, n the dis
matches are unfortunately incomplete
in regard to the precautions that have
been taken by the judge to ensure So
briefly during this week in bed. Those
who are studying the problem of the
LIQUOR evil should Investigate this case
thoroughly and ascertain the result of
the Observation-Disclosures Star.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-04-05
Don't PRIME

Most amateurs worry themselves
over what they consider the intricate
problem of pruning. My advice is
simply this: Don prune! Avoid the
annual trimming that ruins so many of
our gardens There are more hrubs
ruined by the pruning mania than by
any other one cause. and the worst
suffered by just those people who
would most appreciate having a few
good shrubs. After the thinning out
of surplus specimens the only atten-
ton that the s~hrubbery needs is a
thinning out of the old growth to make
room for the new seasons wood and
OF course the removal of any dead or
dying branches. Remember that
shrubs do not need the attention Of
the pruner to make them grow: prun-
ing is only a means to make the gar
den look heater. And remember this
golden rule: "Prune after Towering"
This means tina a late Towering shrub
like the ~hydrangea a be pruned in
the spring because the flowers are pro-
duced on the growths that it will
make In the summer, but 1t is just
as satisfactory to prune it in the win
ter time. The early Towering shrubs
that flower on the growths of the pre-
vious season may be pFuned in the
spring, but not until after they have
done towering. Therefore spireas,
lilacs, deutzias, golden bells, and such
like, must not be cut back If o Want
to have flowers the same season. They
will in all probability require ON re-
duction of the top, but it must be done
by reducing the number of the
growths rather HI by Shortening
Leonard Barron, in April Garden
Ma "a zine
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-04-05

gay and festive mosquito and his fam
iy- Trusts and sumne resorts are
New Jerseys greatest assets whereby
she draws millions Of dollars from the
entire country but the mosquito is a
liability. Hence New Jersey is plan
ming to pay him off. to give him his, +"
in the vernacular of the period and
make him HE hence. The states en-
tomologist has cen given this job II
the entomologist succeeds, he will not
only be doing his own state a great
favor, but also. the rest of US, who
sometimes are led to slap ourselves,
only to find that Mr.. Mosquito has
moved elsewhere.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-04-05
POINTED
IFrom the chicago Newg.1

IFrom the Chicago News.1
Pessimists are the understands Of
cynics.
Cultivate your forgettery if you
would be happy.
Feminine intuition is the mother of
''I-told-you-so."
It is often music between the acts
that intoxicates.
Love may be blind, but it usually
manages to ind IN -eye-oDener-
Only those who enjoy dining on air
can afford to trust to luck.
Did you ever meet a man who didn't
talk shop more than was necessary?
The better we become acquainted
with some people the more we re-
greet 1t.
At the & of so most heroes would
like to exchange their laurel wreaths
for hair.
Any thief's biography ought to
prove conclusively that he would have
acquired a lot more money as an hon
est citizen.
Don't try to get back at a man by
saying that you are just as good as he
Is It's UP to you to be a great deal
better.
Even though a young man may con-
slider a girl worth her weight in gold
it's ten to one that her father only
awaits a chance to give her away.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-04-05
JOURNAL ENTRIES

for the nomination of a United States
senator by the primary method. Ar
kansaw has just tried it and Governor
JEFF Davis has won by a big majority.
II that isn't a black eye for the primary
system, what is?
Here is more trouble for the Fat man:
Button shoes are coming into style
again.
If it is in order. this department
would like to inquire if Bob Blair sent
his congratulations to Charlie Holiday
by express or freight.
> .
When David Overmyer discovers
that the Arkansas City Traveller spells
his name "Overmire," It's a pretty safe
guess that he will stop his subscription
to that paper.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-04-05

proposition carried by $500 majority.
The third proposition. on which the
chief interest seems to have centered.
was whether the city shall proceed i'm
mediately to operate the street railways.
This proposition received a much larger
vote than either Of the others. and it
had a majority of over 10, 600, but as it
required a three-ffths vote to make it
effective It did not pass. These figures,
however, show hat Chicago is for
municipal ownership even Of street cars.
which IS an untried proposition in his
country.
New York is also rapidly becoming
converted to the municipal ownership
idea, IS was indicated by the strong
Showing mad by the Municipal Own
ership League last fall, a showing that
was a great surprise to the entire coun-
try.
This tendency does not mean that hot
headed and visionary socialists are
gaining control of his country and that
it is consequently going to the DENIM
ton bow-wows. On the contrary. it in
dicates a very healthy condition. 1t
shows that the people are simply de-
termining to run their own affairs when
SAS COiPOIdetOiis 10 hOtAuH LASAA ll5H1-
AS long as private ownership of public
utilities is satisfactory there is no de-
mand for public ownership.
So don't get frightened into the be-
lief that everything is going wrong just
because something the Populists used
to advocate is coming into popularity.
The people will continue to dc business
and the government at Washington and
other places will still live, just the same.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-04-05
HUMOR or THE DAY

seem so prosperous"
Wei, you know that God helps those
Wpo heip themselves. Life.
Madge-What became of that advanced
girl who advocated the retirement of per
sons who had acquired a complement
MaJorie-She is lecturing now on the idle
rich.-Puck.
Mrs Cpperten-Has your new house al
the modern improvements?
Mrs. New1yrich-Lud. yes. We've got
an automobile garbage in the rear and
eclectic lights in every room-@Judge.
Arizona Allow did the fight come out
between 'Rattlesnake Pete and Bronco
AlkaIi Ike-It resulted in a draw.
Arizona Al-Sure it did. but what I want
to know is which drawed first.-Philadel-
phia Record.
Mr. Tubbs-Well. Bobbie. how does your
sister like the engagement ring I gave
Bobbie-welI, it's a bit too small. she
hasa hard job to get it off in a hurry
when the other fellows enthusiastically.
That new parrot of ours must have be-
longed to a family moving in the best so
ciety at one time"
7 notice that he always begins to talk
when somebody sings."-Cleveland Leader
II aSGAt u Liz DillulAS Hdu azIGEu IL
put new wallpaper on the rooms.
What kind do you PREFER he asked
Something with large fgures2'
Decidedly not said the new tenant
They would always remind me of the
rent I have to pay.'-Chicago Tribune;
Doesn't the speaker recognize your
The minute I get on my feet" answer
ed the new congressman, he recognizes
me as one of the people he doesn't want
to hear from-'-Washington Star.
DR.. KaIlowmeli (after a thorough exam
ination)-There IS nothing at all the mat
ter with you. All you need is a little rest
Caller-Thank you. Well, I must be
DR.. Ka1lowmell-But thanks, my good
man, will not pay my office rent.
Caller-Maybe not, but that's all I got
for Overhauling your watch the other day
and finding that all it needed was wind
ing-Chicago Tribune.
Knicker-I hear Jones has a great in
Bocker-Yes; he fills a golf bah with
gasoline so you can trace where Il went
Widow can't understand why any
man should want to lead a double life
RacheIor-Same here. A single life IS
good enough for me.-Chicago News.
The new congressman seems to be a
good. amiable sort of fellow, but l wish
ica1 smile when he shakes hands Win MS
You mustn't mind that It's merely
one of the contortions incident to the
he thinks he has to make to
hold his ob."-Chicago Tribune
NO said Nuritch. Il amt no dude.
Clothes don't make the man. you know,
No replied Pepprey, but many OF
Won self-made men look as If you had al
SO made the NEUTRALITY-SUSPICIOUS. Press.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-04-05
KANSAS cOAMENT
DON'T SIGN


Every little while we see where
some fellow has been taken in by q
sharper by signing his name to a petit
ton or a receipt and afterwards finds
his signature on a good sized note
When a fellow drives up to your farm
and tells you that you are about the
most influential man in the whole
community and that he want your
name just to show that he is all right,
just wink your haw eye at him, but
don't sign. The fellow who tells you
that your influence is SO valuable to
him has in mind your signature. There
are more farmers now whose names
are good on notes thar a few years
ago and consequently there are more
sharpers trying to get it. If you want
to buy goods from a travelling fakir
and pay double what your local dealer
charges, that is none of our business
and, if after you have read this warn
ing, you insist upon giving your auto
graph to the next slick appearing
gentleman thai drives in and tells you
how influential you are with your
neighbours, we will count that none Of
our business; but there are men
abroad in the land doing that bush
ness, so be careful and don't sign
Colby Free Press.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-04-05
GLOBE SIGHTS.
IFrom the Atchison Globe.l

From the Atchison Globe.]
So many people say they can do
things, and ant
.'Excuse me- sounds polite. but it
doesn't meal much
Accounting favors means carrying a
What has become of the old fash
toned coal oil can with a potato in the
spout2
Before an old man makes a marry
ing fool of himself. he begins to argue
that he is not 50 old.
Everyone naturally dislikes those
people who are SO good they suggest
the top line in d copy book
Which brings worse luck: To break
a mirror or to spend a lot of time every
dav standing in front of one2
When a woman takes her sewing to
the back room for quiet" the truth
is tina she Is trying to get used 10 her
first glasses.
It is a good plan to listen to every
mother you meet in order that you
may find out who is the smartest child
in town
Tact in a married woman consists in
refusing to remind her husband in his
cross moments of what he used to say
to her when he was in love.
When a woman moves out of a small
town. it is said in the notice of regret
yer her going that she was always a
helpful woman in the church."
When a woman demands hat a
doctor be sent for, her husband should
put the two dollars in her p~ocketbook
refuse; she will Their get to think
ing of how h will spend the money,
and will loon be well.
An Atchison man and his wife have
not spoken" fof three months. The
trouble between them has Just come
to light: One day the husband mention
ed the word bowels in his wife's pres
ence. and she said no True Gentleman
would use the word in a Lady's pres
ence.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-04-05
Ar THE PHONE.

ALZA1E HIlON IL.
Hellol It's your What's that you sayl
Why. yes. I'm pretty we'll.
h do I mean to do today2
It's rather hard to tell.
You think you'd like to come and caIl2
I guess III lave to see.
I hardly think you can at all
Maybe.
Uh-uh No. nothing Of the kind
Oh, no. he didn't come.
And If he did you needn't mind.
OF curse I like him, some.
Moo, not that way It isn't true.
We never did agree.
But-What? I don't quite hear. Oh, you?
Maybe.
bother SO I won't. Take care.
There's some one on the line
I haven't any now to spare
Not later, then. than nine.
Oh, well, that might go down with some.
1t doesn't, though, with me
Perhaps I'll tell you when you come .
Maybe
Chicago News
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-04-05

In a of curiosity the sa-
lima Union asks: Where did the Rice
county Republicans find that old Pop
lslist platform that was adopted by
The county convention the other day ?
And why didn't they dig up the refer
endum? Had the rats eaten that of
the old copy? How those fellows will
look 'bime by. all huddled up in a
bunch on that platform. and down
yam you can see C~alderhead with a lot
Of his politicians 'settin. on a fence
ready to drop either way. If the Re
publicans Of Rice do as they should,
when they stand on that kind Of plat
form. they would give it to the old
man where the boy had the ear
buncle."
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-04-05
REFLECTIONS OF A BACHELOR

TFrom the New York Press.1
Children are grateful for something
before you do it for them.
The most useful thing about a house
is the thing that is never there
The dreadful thing about politicians
is they aren't ashamed to admit they
are.
When a girls breath smells Of
cologne water it is d sign she has been
smoking.
One of the easiest ways for a boy to
be able to get UP early Is not to have
to go TO school,
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-04-05
WORSE THAN LIQUOR.

People Who cannot make them
selves worthless enough by drinking
liquor have found something that
goes whisky one better. There are
said to be o 1000 cocaine fends in the
city OF Chicago. You can trade a
cocaine fend for a locoed steer and
come out ahead. as the steer would be
worth skinning@JewelI Republican.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-04-05
PHIL CAMPBELL.

One Of the best-dressed men in on
.gress is Representative P. P. Campbell
Of Kansas, who has been almost per-
n~iciously active in an effort to induce
Uncle Sam to chase the Standard Oil
octopus out Of Kansas. Campbelps
taste in dress has led some Of his
friends to describe him as 1.-THE only
member of the Kansas delegation who
does not look like a Kansan."-Har-
per's Weekly.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-04-05

vic Murdocks denaturized alcohol
bill has been ordered to n calendar
Ia the lower house of congress. If the
STANDARD Oil company doesn't persuade
congress to dehorn its ~enacting clause,
the Eighth district congressman will get
another feather in his cap to match his
red and curly locks.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-04-05

Down in the Third district the
friends of J.. NJ. Nation are taking for
granted the nomination Of Mr.. Nation
for state auditor because that part of
the state is unanimous that way. Mr..
Nations friends should not concede
too much to themselves. however. The
Fifth district is ~"conceding'' the nomi-
nation Of Schuyler drummer for the
same Office.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-04-05

The town of Osborne. no bigger thar
Smith Center. is divided into wards. II
Smith Center Keeps on accommodating
leading statesmen we should have
about six wards to give them all room
in which to rattle around.-Smith
County Pioneer.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-04-05

When a boy applies to a business
mar for a position he is very often
asked questions. but among them are
never found: Are vol a good pool
player ?" and s'Haxe o ever won any
money at poker2'IColby Tribune
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-04-05
Makes NO DIFFERENCE.

While a young mans ability to two
step may cut some figure with his so
ciaI standing. you will notice that it
never affects his credit at h grocery
store or the value of his check at the
bank.=Colby Tribune
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-04-05
A

one editor pertinently queries: IT
the railroads can enjoin the railroad
commissioners from lowering rates
why can't the same board be e~njoined
from raising rates ?" Nobody short Of
a supreme judge could answer that
question satisfactorily-for the rail-
roads.=Smith County Pioneer.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-04-05

is trying to get into
She curiosity class again. The Post
claims a mar over there got mad be-
cause his neighbours house was as
sessed higher than his own.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-04-05
ZOE THEIR BRAINs

A Japanese surgeon proposes to
make his countrymen as big. physic-
ally. as American, but their cad do
not need further enlargement,=New
York Herald.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-04-05

When Russia hears of the terrible
coal strike and other labor disturb
ances in the United States. how she
will pity this nation.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-04-05

The country hopes it is all right, but
some way the country can't help fear
ing there is a Joker concealed some
where in the Hepburn bill if the SEN
ate is really going to pass it.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-04-05

pose some enc had predicted ten years
e that some day the Republicans
would praise Jerry Simpson and allow
a to his memory to be placed
In the state house, think how such a
prophet would have been d~ishonored!
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-04-05

Governor Hoch ought to have known
that it would make a good Methodist
sick to attend a ball. especially in
Leavenworth.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-04-05
CORRECTION FOR COL. CASTOR

III vi U1N1-O-ET
Dodd CASTOR says: w have no.
iced that as soon as the men free a
church from debt the women go ahead
and buy something else on credit. ="
Which observation is sufficient evil
dence that Gaston's acquaintance with
church methods is limited. The men
depend on the Ladies Aid society to
pay UP all debts contracted about the
church and the parsonage.-Wellville
Globe.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-04-05

why" asks the Lawrence Journal,
scanno Kansas get in this octopus
hunting game? we are long on freaks,
long on talk. but Missouri had to get
the credit on the fight. It was made,
TOO by a native born Kansan.' Wen,
doesn't the Journal know the answer?
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-04-05

Before starting out to lick the world,
China is looking for somebody to prac-
tice on and is thinking of starting in
on Russia. Since last summer n old
nation thinks 1t can whip Russia.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-04-05

The Ottawa high school made sure
of hearing a good commencement ad-
dress this year by getting Charles M.
Hareer Of Abilene to deliver it.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-04-05

They do not seem to believe in wear
ing out their votes in Junction City.
Less than 200 people out Of a registra-
ton OF 1900 went to h polls there
mt1aaaaH
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-04-05

While the Kansas railroad commits
sionerS are avoiding publicity as much
as possible Just now. no one has &C
cused them Of lodging subpoena serv-
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-04-05
TAFT.

We may not have so large an army
as Mr.. Taft desires, but we have a big
secretary.@New York Mail.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-04-05

The man who makes a big noise as
a reformer and gets a lot of followers
ign't always the real thing. Look at
nnWie-
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-04-05

The joints are closed all right. At
least h drug store liquor sales are on
the increase.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-04-05
AND IT IS.

President Castro's proposal to test
the Monroe doctrine reminds US some
how Of the boys unfortunate desire t.
see if it was loaded.-New York Com
mercial.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-04-05

II you don't believe that spring is
here, just watch the moving vans
move.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-04-05

THE CONGRESSIONAL FRAT.
Not every man elected to congress is
college graduate. but his certificate
election entities him to membership
IN the Gabba Gabba fraternity
Washington Post.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-04-05

Trouble is brewing in Russia again,
announces an exchange. Why "againT'
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-04-05

Let's see: isn't it about time for
the peach crop to be re~surrected2
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-04-05

New Jersey is blessed with summer
resorts without limit along her coast
llns, but among hose present most
eenHnually at those resorts are the
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-04-05
TUEL LEASED WIRE REPORT
OF THE ASSOCIATED RESS

Incidentally. how is the Panama
canal coming on?
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-04-05

what. by the way, has become OF
our old friend. the Chinese boycott?
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-04-05

widow-I can't understand Why any
man should want to lead a double life.
Bachelor-Sanle here. A single life is
good enough for ne.-Chicago News
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-04-05

Doesn't the speaker recognize your
The minute I get on my feet answer
ed the new congressman, The recognizes
me as one of the people he doesn't want
to hear from."-Washington Star.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-04-05

Mr. Tubbs-We1, Bobbie. how does your
sister like the engagement ring 1 gave
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-04-05

Knicker-1 hear Jones has a great in
ventien.
Bocker-Yes; he fills a golf ball with
gasoline so you can trace where it went
by the smell.-New York Sun.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-04-05

Arizona Allow did the fight come out
between ,Rattlesnake Pete and Bronco
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-04-05

The agent of the building had agreed to
put new wallpaper on the rooms.
What kind do you PREFER" he asked.
Something with large fgures?'
Decidedly not" said the new tenant.
They would always remind me of the
rent 1 have TO pay."-Chicago Tribune