Lincoln County leader. [volume] (Toledo, Lincoln County, Or.) 1893-1987, 1906-07-20
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riage is a failure-New York Sun.
His Wife-Have you had bad day.
dear? The Financier-Yes, l lost over
$250,OO0. And the worst of 1t is that
nearly 500 of that was my own mon
ey!-Life.
Uncle-How do you like your employ
er? Tommy think he's bigoted. I'm
cle-In what way? TOmmy-Well, he
links dat words oughter be spelt his
way all de time.
Molly-He Is a student at one Of
the big colleges. Polly-Nonsense! He
talked with us for an hour when he
was here yesterday and never used a
bit of slang.-Somerville Journal.
"Is 1t expensive sending your girls
to college?" Il should say SO! My
wife takes advantage of their absence
to dress about twenty years younger
than she really is."-Brooklyn Life.
This flower Is strictly up-to-date,"
said the florist. "What do you mean
by that?" asked the prospective GUS
toner. why" he explained, ut was
obtained by rafting."-Detroit Free
Press.
rs she pretty?' they asked Of the
young man who was speaking Of his
fiancee. "Well, / don't want to boast"
he replied, "but she always gets seat
in a crowded street car.'-Stray
Stories.
If the sweet girl graduate of last
June hasn't got school or an engage
ment ring yet, 1t is high time for her
to study shorthand and hustle around
to get a job at typewriting.-So
Vile Journal.
Ferdy-Really, Patrick, I'd rather
ride Staggers than take spin in the
touring car. The Groom-Sure, it's
strange We fale that way, sor, consider
in that Staggers is ownly a wan-hoss-
power hoss.-Puck.
"He claims that he built the first
passenger elevators used in this coun-
try" Nonsense! The Mississippi
steamboats, were running and blowing
up regularly long before he was born"
philadelphia Press.
Mother-Come now, VIII, II you'll
only be good I'll give you a penny.
Willie-Nom; l won't be good for
lessn FIVE cents. Mother-Why, you
were good yesterday for penny. VIII
lie-I know, but yesterday was bargain
day.-Philadelphi Press.
First Girl-What are you waiting
for? Why don't you finish your letter
to Ella? Second Girl don't know
whether to say Ever yours, with truest
love-" or simply "Yours affectionately."
You see, l can't endure Ella-I think
she's detestable Tit
"See here!" snapped the landlord.
who had responded to the tenants hur-
ry call for plumber, 81 thought you
said the water in your cellar was two
feet deep. "It's only a few inches"
"Well, that's as deep as my two feet"
retorted the tenant, "and that's too
much"
Clara-Did the papers notice your
father at the great banquet? Johnny
Yes. Clara-Well, mamma said she
could not see his name on the list.
Johnny-No but the list ends up with
land Others" That means papa. They
always mention him that way.-Illus-
trated Bits.
Magistrate and NJ. P.-After mature
and careful consideration of your case,
I have come to the conclusion that you
are lazy, good-for-nothing rogue May
I ask If you ever earned a shilling In
your life? Prisoner-Oh, yes, have,
yer 'onor. voted fer yer 'onor once.
, The Sketch.
, Tom-Look at that crowd Of women
trying to get In that department store.
, Oick-Yes, it's regular crush. Tom
But it's so early. Why, the doors
aren't open yet. Dlck-Yes, they're the
women who followed the line Of advice
In the advertisement: "Come early and
avoid the rush."-Catholic Standard
and Times.
; The desperate man, weary of life,
opened an upper window In the sky
scraper and threw himself out He
landed on top Of load of mattresses
with which a teamster happened to be
driving along at the moment. Hang
the luck !" he exclaimed, as he rose to
!, him feet, shook himself, and found that
!. he was practically uninjured. 81 might
= have known this would be the result
Of jumping from the thirteenth floor I"
d A clergyman who had accepted an in
vitation to officiate at Sunday services
/, in a neighboring town entrusted his
new curate with the performance of his
s own duties. On returning home he
asked his wife what she thought of the
curates sermon. ut was the poorest