Arizona republican., 1906-12-30
LITTLE JAMES

Concerning the New and Hitherto Untr.ed Routes to the Pinnacle of Fame.)
 Tn wun Crate Thing at we're all workin' fer in this world is Faim. Some fokes don't git none of 1t till af- ter they Dies an it don't do 'em so much good, but it's better Lait nor Never, fer then our PrOjenies can make some use of it, like it was a Life In- shurance Policy. They.s been a good deal Of Misunderstandin' about how to git Faim an they's been a whole lot of Onnessary Hard Work done fer it. They ust to think at you had to go out an COnker a Nashun or Rite some books or git to be Crate Orryter, or go out in tn Cold an discover a Lode of North Poals.
 But that's tn way it ust to be about every thing. Everybody went about what they was a doin in tn hardest an Roundaboutest way. In tn last Hundred Yeers fokes has been Gitten Next to Theirselfs an they ain't spend in all their time an Strenth giyin' Hard Nox at Fait, but they sez "Well Prospeck around some while we're restin' an see if they aint a Short Cut out O this here job All these here Short Cuts has been found by fokes what was Restin': tn otherns was so BiZzy wOrkin' at they didn't have no time 10 look fer 'em.
 When a feller wanted to git to be Crate he spent so much time in Pre- parashun fer it at when he overlook Faim it didn't do him no good.
 Wunst they was a youth called John Henry BIoadrib, what sez to hisself, I'm goin' to be a Crate Actor so's at I'll git tn Ploddits of evry body at goes to tn Theetcrs. He went to a Yuniversty an studied Classixes an all kinds of KnOllidges an Langwidges an when he got through. after he'd spent Yeers an lots of Money. he sez, Now I'm reddy to begin to be Acter as soon's I change my name. Broad rib don't soot me jist rite" He calls hisself Henry Irving. He went on a actin an Studdyin' but he begun to git old before he could git Fokes to talkin' about him, but they did finely an tn Queen made him a Mite an when he dide tn Fokes they sez, "th Britest Star in tn Tournament has Sot."
 They was annuther feller an his name was Hix. He sez too: 'I gess I'll be a acter' He didn't have no time to fool away like Mister Broadrib done. an he jist went into a Mine an let it cave in on him an took what's called a Dramattick Course that away It didn't take him only a little more'n Too Weeks instid of Ten Yeers, like it done Mister Broadrib.
 When Mister Hix was Grajooated tn Thatricle Managers asst him how much it was agoin' to be a nite. "1000$," sez Mister Hix. Good God" sez tn Thatricle Manager, that's moren we ust to haf to pay Sir Henry Irving.7 Mister Hix sez he never heard of Sir Henry Irving. but hes willin' to bet at he's a second class skate an never was in a Minin' Shaft in his Life.
 He sez: If you want talent you got to pay fer it. Sich acters as me an Scotty an Jeff an Joe Cans an tn rest of our class aint doin' no Stunts fer Meel Tickets"
 Tn Los Anglous Examiner. which is a managin' Mister Hix, is a scOurin' tn Seas now in Search of a girl which when she's found'll be a Femail Acter what is Technically called a Actureen.
 Wunst a POte Rote
 "Lifes of Crate men all Remine us
 At we shuddent never git Behine.
 If they aint no other way to Shine,
 Go an get Berried in a mine" or somethin' like that.
 LITTLE JAMES