The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-07-21


ing on on my Pilgrim Pain Alleviator.
II is and always viii be the greatest
thing Of its kind on the face of this
earth
When you are in sorrer take the Al
When you are thrilled with joy take
a double dose.
You can't take too much of it nor
take 1t too often
IN place Of advertising it along with
cry goods, groceries. blacksmithing'
Hair-dye and lost mules, have pro
Nlded my own outfit and am moving
up and down the country to advertise
u IN my own original way. The said
OUTFIT consists of:
One tin-type wagon drawn by
morse. Ten cents a take for the best
tln-types in America
one horse and wagon loaded with
my moving pictures and driven by
small but solemn and serious-ninded
One grasshopper in bottle. 7 will
pack this insect to do battle with any
life
One fighting dog tied to my tin-type
wagon His shining record Is made up
OF thirty victories and not one defeat.
when my caValcade approaches
town I wind a horn and display the
American nag. also wind another
horn or two after getting into the
town
am no competitor of Barnum &
Bailey. I make this display simply to
call attention to my grand aggregation
IN. taking tin-types do not compel
the victims to pose There is no greas-
ing up the hair and washing the face
and leaning up against a painted tree
Everybody Is taken just as he looks
every day in the week.
In the lecture accompanying my
moving pictures I choose the simplest
words and pay no attention to the
rules of grammar. Neither children
nor drunkards are sent away disap-
pointed.
After the show in the evening. if the
mayor of the town insists on it and
saws It would hurt his feelings if I
didn't, I take a hand in a game of
poker. am very careful to make a
record of my winnings and leave them
at the first orphan asylum that pass
If there are any losses [ bear them
with resignation.
I make no misstatements about my
Alleviator. I state in the beginning
that while two or three instances have
been known where it revived persons
pronounced dead by the doctors. it
cannot be depended on to work this
trick as a steady thing.
If man has a crowbar driven
through him one bottle of the Allevi-
ator will make him sit up and Won
der where he is at, but no such thing
as a cure is guaranteed. He may eN-
pire while cOnfessing that he has
stolen thirty horses during his career
In two Instances where wives had
thrown their husbands into the creek
and held their heads under water I'M
til they were drowned have sue
ceeded in reviving them with doses Of
the Alleviator, but they never amount
ed to much afterward. They sat
around the grocery and played check
ers and spit on the stove and had no
ambition.
I believe that the AHeviator will
surely cure upward of three hundred
diseases known to mankind, but to be
on the safe side I warrant it in only
two hundred and fifty cases. This is
the secret of my securing the conf
dence of the public
My list of moving pictures now
comprises the following:
Washington Crossing the Delaware
He is in sight for fully nitrate. and
when he picks up cake after cake of
ice and hurls them aside the audi
ence is worked UP to a point of ter
rife excitement. There is no decep-
ton in the picture. It is Washington
and no one else. I would not be a
party to palming off John l. Sullivan
on the public for Washington.
The Johnstown Flood.-This shows
wall of water thirty feet high,
sweeping down on a village at night.
q
of people. You hear a crash as the
wave strikes Finnegan's boarding
house and rolls it over and over and
dumps It's sleeping guests out of bed.
Most Of the audience instinctively
shrink from the water.
Napoleon Crossing the Alps.-At
first sight you'd bet ten to one that he
couldn't do it. but he moves right
along at graceful canter. and a
mountain peak six hundred feet high
doesn't bother his horse in the least.
The great general has the light of
victory in his eyes. and I sometimes
wonder If he didn't keep himself up
on some stimulant having the proper
ties of my celebrated Allevfator. There
IS no deception about Napoleon. ANY
one who ever saw him before will
recognize him at a glance
The First Steam boat on the Hudson.
This picture shows the Robert Full
ton making her way up the historic
river at the gait of three miles an
hour. She Is on her way to ALBANY
Even at that early date something was
doing in the graft line up there. and
Il has been vastly improved on since.
Washington Bidding the Army Fare
well.-The artist who painted this pic
fure understood that 1t was to be
shown in the west alone and he took
me license of connecting the past with
the present. That IS. he has the fare
well take place in saloon where it
naturally would al this date Washing
ton and his officers are depicted hold
ing a glass of beer in one handAand
shaking with the other. can't say
that I exactly approve Of it. but as a
matter Of fact 1t excites more enthusi-
asm among my audiences than any
other picture. There's a iquidness to
Ct that appeals. It starts a train Of
thought. and nearly half the audience
goes out to do likewise.
The next picture is called Which 20
It represents q. member of the Iegisla-
ture standing before an open window
in a room He IS looking down into
the village OF his constituents while
behind him a member Of the ring is
holding out $500 to him. The member
IS supposed to be considering whether
TO take the cash or remain honest to