Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1906-07-11
XII.

XII.
On the night of Chilcote's return TO his
own Loder tested the lees Of life poignantly
for the first time Before their curious
compact had been entered upon he had
been, II not content, at least apathetic; but
with action the apathy had been dispersed.
never again to regain its old position.
He realized with bitter certainty that MS
was real homecoming. On entering
Chicote's house he had experienced none
of the unfamiliarity, none of the unsettled
awkwardness, that assailed him now.
There he had almost seemed the exile re-
turning after many hardShips; here IN the
atmosphere made common by years, he felt
alien. 1t was illustrative of the man
character that sentimentalities found no
place in his nature Sentiments were not
lacking, though they lay out OF sight, put
sentimentalites ne altogether denied.
Left alone in the sitting room after Chill
cotes departure his first sensation was one
of physical discomfort and unfamliiarlty'
His own clothes, with their worn loose
ness. brought no sense of friendliness such
as some men And In old garment. Loung-
ing, and the clothes that suggested iouhs-
ing, had no appeal for him. In ms eyes
the garb that implies responsibility was
symbolic ard even inspiring.
And as with clothes. so with his actual
surroundings. Each detail of his room
was familiar, but not one mad even oee Sinne
intimately close. He had used the place
for years but he had used 1t as ne mig nj
use a hotel; and whatever OF his househ0lu
gods had come with him renamed hNe
himself, on sufferance HIS entrance nv
Chilcote's surroundings had been altogether
different. Unknown to himself he hau peeh
IN the position OF young artist VINO, nay
ing roughly modelled in clay, is brought
into the studio of a sculptor. To his out
ward vision everything is new, but his In
ner sight leaps to instant Understanding
Amid all the strangeness ne recognizes me
one essential-the workshop, the atmos-
phere, the home.
On this first night Of return Loder com
pretended something of his position; and,
comprehending, he faced the problem ana
fought with 1t.
his share Weighing this. he had looked
about his room with quiet gaze Then al
last as If finding the object really sought
for his eyes had come round to the manIei-
piece and rested on the pfpe-rack. The
pipes stood precisely as he had left them
He had looked at them for long time,
then an ironic expression that was almost
a smile had touched his lips, and, crossing
the room, he had taken the oldest and
blacklist from its place and slowly niled II
with tobacco.
With the first indrawn breath of smoke
his attitude had unbent. without conscious
determination. he had chosen the one rae
tor capable of easing his mood. cigar
cite is for the trivial moments or he;
cigar for its fulflments, Its pleasant, COM
Portable retrospections; but IN real distress
of diffiCuty-a pipe is mans eternal solace.
So he had passed the first night of his re
turn to the actuahties of life. Next day his
mind somewhat settled and outward
aid was not essential; but though facts
faced him more soldly, they were neverthe-
less very drab in shade The necessity for
work, that blessed antidote to ennui, no
longer forced him to endeavor. He was no
longer penniless, but the money he possess
ed brought with ii no desires. When man
has lived from hand to mouth for years
and suddenly finds himself with 4 hundred
pounds in his pocket the result is sometimes
curious He fines with a vague sense Of
surprise that he has forgotten how Il spend.
That extravaganza, like other artificial pas
sions, requires cultivation
This he realized even more fully on the
days that followed the night of his fist
return, and with 1t was born a new bitter
ness The man who has friends and no
money may find life difficult but the man
who has money and no friend to rejoice in
his fortune or benefit by his generosity is
aIoof indeed. With the leaven of incredulity
that works in all strong natures. Loder dis
trusted the professional beggar; therefore
the charity that bestows easily and pro-
miscuously was denied him; and OF other
channels of generosity ne was too self-con-
tanned TO have learned the secret.
When depression falls upon a man of
usually even temperament it descends with
a double weight. The mercurial nature has
a hundred cOuuteTbalancing devices to rid
itself Of gloom-a sudden lifting of spirit,
ms mory OF other moods lived through,
other hlacknesses dispersed by time; but
the man of level nature has none of these
Depression. when 1t comes Is indeed de-
preston; no phase OF mind to be superseded
by another phase, but a slackening of all
the chords of life
II was through such a depression as this
that he labored during three weeks, while
no summons and no hint Of remembrance
came from ChIcote. His position was pc
culiarly difficult He found no action in
the present and toward the future he dared
not trust himself to look He had slipped
the old mornings that familiarity had rem
dered endurable. but having slipped them
he had found no substitute. Such his
case on the last night of the three weeks
and such his frame Of mind he crossed
Fleet street from CliffOrd's Inn to Middle
Temple lane.
II was scarcely o'clock. but already the
dusk was failing; the greater press of We
hcies had ceased and the light of the street
lamps cleaned back from the spaces of dry
and polished roadway, worn smooth as
mirror by wheels and hoofs. Something OF
the solitude of night that sits III on the
strenuous city street was making itself felt
though the throngs of people on the path
way s,iI streamed eastward and westward
and the taverns made a busy trade.