Willmar tribune. [volume] (Willmar, Minn.) 1895-1931, 1906-03-07
HEN I discovered
that I had been so
suddenly throwed
into insolvency
by the heartless
operatio MS of
some thievin'

l II OpordtlO > VI
anl some thievin'
pickpocket, as /
were tellin' bout last week, I low
I felt sort of glum fer spell. "Silas,"
SEES I to myself, ''you're an eazy mark.
You're bloomin' sbeep-headed
chump. What'll Malinda say when
you write hum fer more dough, SEEM
as how it was the last thing she ses,-
Don't blow out the gas, and look out
fer pickpockets'? And then as how
you sassed her back like and asked her
if she thought you never had been out
before and were able to take care of
yourself. And, Silas, when she wan
ted to sew yer currency inter the linin
of yer undershirt you laughed and
asked her if she didn't think she bet
ter pin directions fer the conductors
on yer back so she could be sure you'd
get through alright" And then to
think that had been picked, pinfeath-
ers and all, before I'd been in Chi
cago half day! It was more humi-
latin to me, boys, than you've got no
notion Of.
Where was to get the 2-cent stamp
fer letter hum? And money fer my
lodgings? Sech were the question
marks as came sailing in front of my
troubled mind, as I walked the street.
Then | thought of my old friend, Jo-
Shah Perkins, who moved to Chicago
back in the seventies. Josh and I used
to white into the same desk and throw
paper wads at the same school ma am
back east. But nary person I met
seemed to know where Josh lived, so
I flowed he must be dead. But as I
was walkin' along feeling more like
bottle of bluein' than any thing else,
I CHANGED to see the sign" Mont
gOmery Ward Il Co." Thinks I to
myself I'll 60 in and see Mont. He
ought to be willin' to help Teller in
pinch, seem as how I used to send
to him by mail fer my prunes, fish
lines, and sech like. So goes light
in through the front door, a sort of
fannin' mill arrangement like, and
there 1 was met by a chap as asked
me if there were anything he could do
fer me. He evidently was hired man
on the place, so I asked to see the
'prietor. ''Mr. Ward is not in," SEES
he. "Mr. Montgomery then?" ses I.
The Teller smiled and asked what
wanted. "I've been robbed of all my
money, ses I, land SEEM as I am
one of yer old customers, I thought
you might trust me fer w till I get
cash from hum'' ''But you are a
stranger, ses he. won't you have
a ride up our tower?" ses he. "Stran-
ger?' ses I. my name is Silas Blue
stem, you will find it on yer shippin'
books' ses I. "My credit is good in
any of the stores in my hum county,"
ses I. "Don't doubt it, SIR" ses he.
II am sorry, but we are not doing a
customers are invited to visit our OBJ
servation tower when in town"
'That is certainly very kind of you,"
ses I, ''guess I'll go up"
So I got into a sort of a monkey
cage balloon tixin', and the way we
did sail up! I jest got weak in my
knees like. Up, up we flew and I ex-
pected any second we'd go kersmash
through the roof. Every hair on my
head rose fer recognition at one time.
And as I got to feeling sea-sick like
touched the conductor gently by the
arm and SEES: "Captain," ses I, IT
reckon you better begin to let out the
gas, my heart action is weak But
jest then we stopped at the top end of
the tower.