davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-06-19
HUMOR or THE DAY

George III was wondering how the ap-
Pie got into the dumpllng.
That's easy, replied the court, but
how 90 you suppose the 20 got tackled onto
Whereas the unfortunate monarch was
only more mystified--New York sun.
Mamma .(returning from church)-why,
VINE. take your wheel into the back
on Sunday.
While CprotestingIyl-But. mamma. isn't
It sunday in the back yard too7-LippIn-
colts Magazine.
Girl with the Lillian Russell Complexion
What would YOU do il an awKulix rich
man. old enough to be your grandfather
snouId ask you TO marry him2
presume / should do lust What S.nrr 70
going to do. dear But I'm avf1liv sorTV
for Jack. When is It to come off?-C hlea-
Chapleigh- associate win
se-aw-howid baseball playahs. donei-
Miss Caustique-I suppose not. Thers
are some things that even baseball pfav-
ers won't stand for.-Chicago Daily News.
Wen, old man. SO you've been away to
the GUNNER resort. Did the change do you
,a You'd better ask the hotel-keeper. bell
boys and walters; they're the ones who
have ft.''-Nacon Telegraph
why" asked the judge. did you delib-
erately, get in the way Of this mans au-
Because. " muttered the wrinkIed crone.
4 wanted to be described a s being young
anad pretty once more before death -
Louisville Courier-Journal.
Hicks-There isn't a man in town who
can keep the conversational ball rolling
like our friend Grayrake.
Wicks-Nons He never says any
thing worth listening to.
Hicks-No; but he does lot of things
worth talking about.-Chicago Journal
She wrote; circumstances over which
have no control compel me to reject your
offer of marriage Yours etc.
lie wired; What circumstances Re
she wired: Yours. collect.''-cleveland
Leader.
The man with the hoe had Just finished
planting his sweet peas. There" he said
strengthening up. I've spoiled a So pair Of
shoes and ruined a $40 pair OF trousers;
but If we have good luck we'll get a bou-
quet for which the florist would have
charged at least 20 cents. Chicago Rec
ord-Herald.
IT declare, Hiram. that old yellow pa1p
OF yours is gettin' more an more human
every day
Human. sile? why. he's always grow,-
Yes. but he even grovvls at the wealth
er. columbus Dispatch.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-06-19


glad you've come" and then fez limp
" into his outstretched arms 3efors
them all.
He drove her home, very slowis. foi
they had q great deal to say AKA Of
course, Dick had to bring out the ting
again from his pocket and put i on
Molly's finger ana Molly had to tell aim
how silly and unhappy she had been,
and Dick had to tell her sonethiRg to
the same effect about himgese. and All
that took considerable time.
Kate was waiting by the gate for her
but all clouds Of anxiety vanished from
her face when she saw Dick ana look
ed in doliy's contented and shining
eyes. Didn't I tell your" she whis-
pered.
Yes, you dear old prophet, you did. 3
replied Molly kissing her. and II VII
come to you, too, for when Dick and J
are married, next month, you can &c
and study and nurse 20 your hearts
content
Ccopyright. 1905. by Ruby Douglass.)
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-06-19
GLOBE SIGHTS.
IFrom the Atehison GIobe.


Are you light on the trigger when
it comes to speaking i'll of people?
AS a matter Of fact, you don't really
know any one well enough to tell him
your troubles.
What has become of the old fashion
ed country church that gave Mrs. Jar
ley's Waxworks?"
A smile is always passed around when
an elderly woman says Mama" in
speaking of her mother.
When a man has to insist every once
in a while that he is as good as any
body. he hardly ever is.
still" a man said today, II will say
people pay mighty little attention to
what / say; particularly women"
When widow begins to remodel her
house. that settles 1t with the neigh
bors: She has matrimonial intentions
Il will be so ugly as corpse, said
a woman today, that I hereby express
a wish that no friend Of mine act as
palIbearer."
There are some people who are all
right in every respect, except that they
enjoy seeing man who has been run
over, or a hanging.
Here is pointer for Daughter: When
the mother Of family has some style
to her it is a pretty good indications
the girls don't leave her with all the
work to do.
BY following physical culture pre-
scriptiOns faithfully a girl may in the
course of six weeks be able to fasten
the third button from the top in her
waist that buttons down the back
A loafer walked into a store today.
and sat down in a chair intended for
ladies. BILL" one of the clerks said
to another clerk of that name, you
speak to hims people hate you. any
way"
We walked into a store today. and
two clerks were arguing Here's a
critic. one OF the men said. when we
came in; lets leave It to him When
you are called critic by man. you
hate to decide against him.
We have no desire to discourage
Kindness, and have always sought to
encourage It. but as matter of fact
there is too much said about the bread
cast on the waters returning spread
with jam Of gold. Cast it on every
chance you get. but don't sit down on
the bank and wait for it to return to
you in form that will make you rich
for life.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-06-19
JOURNAL ENTRIES

Nothing would make the bookkeep-
er who makes these entries much
madden than to be referred to as the
Hon Mr.. Bookkeeper. Why doesn
Governor Hoch cut out the Hon .
business? If Stubs and Dolley were
not mad at him before, they certainly
ought to be after he referred to them
in print as Hon" ". r. Stubs ana
Hon" J. N Dolley, and that, too,
only a week after he had written in
the official state document, Hon. J. r.
Burton"
The rain thus far has been all right
for a starter, but this department is
unanimously in favor of an encore
From the news across the pond. we
judge that British jam is also pretty
good stuff not to eat.
The blessing of being opposed by
the theatrical trust is especially notice
able in that $4,000 of good Amer
lean money that Sallie Bernhard took
back with her to gay Paree.
A marked copy of some newspaper
should be sent to Billy Morgan to in
form him that the massacre is once
more getting busy in Russia. We
can't afford to let Bill go over there
and furnish material for the massacre
to work on.
If nobody cares, we might just try
flying that Western association pen
nant up on the state house flag pole,
just to see how it looks.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-06-19
KAMSlS c0MAENT



The appointment Of Judge A. W.
Benson makes some kaleidoscope
changes on the political horoscope
Henry J. Allen and Tom Morgan are
the rather .beilicose rival editors at OF
tawa whose special delight has been 70
stick pins into each other and into Gov
ernor Hoch. But Monday they de-
ployed by platoons to the right and left
of Senator Benson, marched up to To-
peka to the state capitol, ito the COVER
nor's office, 'fessed up that they had
been naughty but wanted hereafter to
be nice and rejpin the band of Broth
erly Love and Good Fellowship Gov
ernor Hoch admitted them, RENTING
all dues and fines and they are again
members in good standing. OF course
Morgan is still Democratic but not so
viciously SO. Of course Allen Is still a
staunch fighter for his views but not
quite as insistently as formerly. While
still the friend, colaborer and admirer
OF j. L. Bristow, he is SO happy in the
selection Of his townsman, A. W. Ben
son for senator, that he viii probably
turn in and carry his Second district
friends for him as senator for the long
term.-Lyons Republican.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-06-19
QUAKER REFuECTToNs-

IFrom the Philadelphia Record.J
A mad wag-a dogs tail with 4 tin
can tied to it
It doesn't pay to kick at thing
that can kick back.
There isn't a great deal of differ
ence between love in a cottage and
castles in the air.
In public life the tools of the trade
seem to consist principally of the
muck rake and the whitewash brush.
Nell-Percy Saphedde claims to be
of royal descent. Belle=And yet
some people wonder at anarchy.
The great trouble with many
preachers is that they know more
about the next world than they do
about this.
wigg-Bjones is awfully naughty
since he made his money Wag-
Bjones has always been naughty. You
know he used to be a hotel clerk
After a fellow returns from his first
vacation abroad it is with difficulty
that he can refrain from calling his
baggage luggage" ana the brakeman
guard"
First Passenger (exuberantly pacing
the deck) -When I am at sea I can
scarcely contain myself. Second Pas
senger (deJectedly leaning over the
rail)-Strange. That's just the way I
feel.
Rollingstone Nomoss-I had a ter
rible dream last night Tatterdon
Torn-What was it2 Rollingstone No
moss-I dreamed I was readin' whole
pages O. help wanted advertisements.
1T isn't what wedding present
costs that makes It appreciated" ex-
claimed the June bride. no, I sup
pose it's what people think It costs
remarked the groom, who had thus
early acquired tinge OF cyniclsm.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-06-19
poINTED PATeAGRAPHa.
ZION the ChIcago News.l

Learn to be patient-also when not
to he patient.
A crank is a person who thinks all
other people are cranas.
A man always has use for at least
one more pair Of suspenders.
No one ever saw a girl wear gloves
to hide an engagement ring.
Your independence might look like
impudence in your neighbor.
No man is so powerful that some
weak woman can't set her foot on his
neck
If we could all reach the top there
would be more demand for space at the
bottom
No man knows half as much about
women az he tries to make them be-
lieve he knows.
Lazy men hump up against a lot OF
adverse criticism, but they usually live
long and contented lives.
Nothing pIeases a pretty woman mors
than to be seen on the street with an
other woman who isn't pretty
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-06-19
His CRITICISM.

It is difficult to avoid talking shop
A story which illustrates this is told
of the late Col. H. G. Toler, the noted
horseman, who died in Wichita A
Kentuckian was speaking of Colonel
Toler and said: Colonel ToIer raised
John r. Gentry and many other IA
nous horses. The turf has suffered a
great loss in him. A better judge Of
horsef1esh and a pleasanter man you'd
never find. used to love to watch
him studying horses. He was very
keen. He was at his best then A
rich tailor once brought him to see
new acquisition, trotter Of doubtful
quality, for which. however. $4,000
had been paid The tailor was full Of
enthusiasm about his horse. He little
knew he had been done. Look at
him. he cried. There's a horse for
you. Look at them legs Very
pretty said Colonel Toler, grinning.
Very nice legs indeed. But don't they
bag a bit at the knees ? Troy
Times.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-06-19

Subscribers Of the state Journal
away during the summer may have
the paper mailed regularly each day
70 any address at the rate Of ten cents
D week or thirty cents Q month (Dy
mail onIyl. Address changed as often
as desired. While out Of town the
state journal win be to you like a
daily letter from home.
Advance payment IS requested ON
these short time subscriptions, to save
bookkeeping expense.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-06-19

not consider such a thing. He has
been out OF the country ever since,
yet today his party appears to be
more united for him than it has been
before for any single leader in half a
century. The Democratic nomination,
at least, Is seeking Mr.. Bryan.
Other men in both parties are re-
garded as active candidates for the
presidency. yet the nominations in
both the great parties are seeking
men who have declared that they are
not candidates. What peculiar days
these are
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-06-19
ERON OTHER PENS
BASEBALL

After ALL we do not take more in
terest in the game Of baseball than any
other town or city does. although when
a motornan brings his car to i slow
down in order that all his passengers
may read the score, as has happened in
Boston, 1t does seem that our citi-
zens must have a keen interest in the
game. But La Crosse, Wis, goes US one
better, or several better. While with US
it is no longer a joke that we shall not
find our lawyer or our doctor at home
when a big game is in session, we have
never known saloons to be closed for
such an occasion. In the western city
this has come to pass. Leading saloon
keepers recites the news story, have
agreed to close while the game goes on,
in order that La Crosse may have the
largest crowd Of the year in a series
with an Eau Claire team.-Boston
Transcript.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-06-19

tionaI convention on hand. with two
United States senators. five congress
men and a complete set Of state OFFICERS
to elect; with an entire new system Of
government down through counties and
townships to inaugurate in the eastern
half OF the new state. the opportunities
for the politicians viii be unlimited.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-06-19
REFLECTIONS OF A BACHELOR
IFrom the New york Press

Itfofn Inc New Z OK Press.
The thing that makes q pretty hat
is the face under it.
Hardly anybody would ike to get
the cussing a millionaire has without
his money.
The meanest man is the one who
won't kiss doll for a child when she
thinks it has been hurt.
When you see q man looking pretty
cheerful in town It's a sign his family
is away for the summer
A very useful thing about an anna
teur garden IS it's such a nice place
for the dog to bury his bones
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-06-19

Just because Oklahoma has on new
statehood gown It should not try to out
DO its big sister, Kansas. Frank Greer,
of the Guthrie Capital, ran for president
Of the National Editorial association
against J. r Junkin Of Kansas. And of
course Oklahoma lost. Incidentally the
National Editorial association has. a
mighty good. president.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-06-19

Senator Benson has been given the
Craftsmanship Of the committee on Ex-
animation and Disposition of Useless
Papers 4 the Departments. Perhaps
Senator ,enson will not know what to
DO with this as ignment. but think how
his predecessor would have reveIed In
ST. For instance, what a speedy DISPOSE
tion he could have made of those com
plants against the get-rich-quick com
panies in the postofice department.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-06-19

The original Benson man" has been
discovered. He is Clark ConkIin of the
Lyons Republican AS soon as Senator
Burton resigned, Mr.. Conklin wrote to
Governor Hoch endorsing Joseph L.
Bristow for the appointment. but sug-
gesting that II the governor did not wish
60 appoint an active candidate for the
place he should name ''some man like
Judge Benson" So Judge Benson had
been thought of IN connection with the
vacancy. after all.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-06-19

AS the State Journal understands it,
Mr.. Stubs did not ask Governor Hoch
for his reasons for not appointing him
senator. Most Of the state-and possibly
Mr. Stubs also-are satisfied with those
reasons. But Mr.. Stubs desires to
know If he ever asked the governor for
the senatorial job. He has no recoIlec-
sAon Of the matter, and If he did he
wants the governor to point out the cir
eumstances. That's the burning cues
ffou
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-06-19

Golfers Weekly need not be diseour-
AGED lust because William Allen White
refused two thousand dollars to go to
Europe and interview Bryan. There are
several Kansas editors who might be
persuaded 20 undertake the job-and
even do It for less.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-06-19

Governor Hoch says he had been try
ing for quarter of a century to make
himself before Hon" ". R. Stubs
came into prominence, and he is tired Of
hearing that Mr. Stubs made" him.
stin. he viii have to admit that Stubs
helped a lot on the job.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-06-19

I sometimes wish I knew who would
be the next president or who is going
to be elected governor of Kansas. but
it is nothing compared to be burning
anxiety that fills my soul to occasion
ally know just how late the train is
Osborne Farmer
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-06-19

The jamestown exposition people are
circulating the repStt that King Ed
ward and Emperor Wilhelm may visit
their show next year. But that won't
attract people from out this way. A
lot Of real American royalty will attend
the Kansas semicentennial in 1911. and
1t will be a sight worth seeing.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-06-19

when Governor Hoch Of Kansas met
Coy ernor Hanly of Indiana yesterday"
g Us the Kansas City Star. he might
haze drawn from him some helpful
hints on the art of kicking out dishonest
OFFICIALS" Hanly has certainly made a
record along that line.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-06-19
A would-be Modern witch.

Mrs. Ellen Hayward, seventy years
old. who lives in the forest of Dean,
was charged at Little Dean petty ses-
sions May Is with pretending to be a
witch The case rested on the evil
dence of a worcester farmer named
Davies. who consulted her because
The case was smissed.-London Ex-
press.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-06-19

Burton's place by Governor Hoch, but
q man was appointed from an adjoin-
ing county which fact is a handicap
of no small moment to Stubbs while
Benson will find his most astute and
htical dcoryard.= Wichita Eagle.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-06-19

Governor Hoch's refusal to deny that
". r. stubbs asked him for the sena-
torial appointment will look like re-
affirmation of the statement to most
people. But Stubs says he did not ask
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-06-19

Perhaps our Jealous friends across
the ocean will be convinced of our
friendship when they learn that we
have been assfduous in sending them
none but good meat and eating the
bad ourselves philadelphia Inquirer.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-06-19
TILE PEAL ISSrE.

An editor Of a western exchange re-
Gently began worrying how he would
get his shirt on over his wings after
reaching paradise. An envious con-
temporary sarcastically observed that
his real difficulty would likely be in
finding how he could get his hat over
his horns.-Pratt Republican.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-06-19

Cold is reported to have been discov-
cred in Manchuria. If this proves to be
so Manchursa may as well get ready to
submit to Anglo-Saxon domination
Chicago Record-Herald.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-06-19

"a year from last Saturday win prob
ably see an Oklahoma Day club organ
ICED 1T Guthrie. They don't let any time
vo TO waste down there.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-06-19

Mr.. Bryan is scheduled to make
Fourth Of July speech in London two
weeks hence. How win those Britishers
like it to be reminded Of how we licked
.srn a hundred and thirty years ago?
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-06-19
WHERE TO GO

King Alfonso reviewed his army at
Madrid Monday, but In order to review
his navy it will be necessary for him
to make trip to Manila and Santiago.
-Salina Journal.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-06-19

II is said that Senator Benson doesn't
look ike a United States senator Nope.
you wouldn't take him for Platt or De-
new. even in the dark.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-06-19
wHERE 70 FIND THEM.

Sometimes one cannot help wonder
ing where the sergeant-at-arms of the
house goes to round up absent members
when there is no baseball game in town.
Washington Post.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-06-19
UnIuckfest Man Alive

A couple of years ago a governor of
one of the southern states went to
Palm Beach. Fla, for short holiday.
says the Philadelphia Record He
registered at one of the magnificent
hotels and was assigned to a luxurious
suite of rooms. He was comforta bly,
installed when a friend came in to call
on him. This is a wonderful apart
ment they have given YOU said the
visitor. why, yes" replied the gov
ernor. I've never enjoyed such lux
ury in my life. Never saw such a placet
They just showed me to these rooms.
but I've been wondering if they real
ize that I am a poor man. What do
you suppose they'll charge me ~ well
governor answered the other, ssI hap
pen to know about that The last
man. railroad president from New
York. paid SIS a day for these very
rooms Scissors to grind!' cries the
unfortunate politician. i've only got
$50. III have to leave at once. But
here, Jim, I don't want to confess 1
can't pay for at least one day, so you
go down to the station and telegraph me
to come home at once will meet Won
at the station within an hour" When
the governor arrived at the station he
he found his friend waiting as he had
arranged. You got my telegram all
all right" inquired the acquaintance
Got iti' said the governor in a de-
spairing voice. Il should say So I
believe am the unluckiest man alive
Why when I went to ask for nv bill
what do you suppose the clerk said +?
He told me there was no bill-said
they would be honored If I stayed a
year"
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-06-19
Americas Beauties.

Have you any idea of visiting the far
famed lake region of Italy or SWitz-
erland the coming summer? Are you
aware that among the mountains of
Idaho are lakes that experienced trav-
elers tell us far excel in scenic gran
deur and picturesque beauty the lakes
of Europe, of whose charms poets have
can traveller seems blinded by the en-
chantment of distance, and yearns for
the far-away hills and valleys of Eu-
rope while passing regions that are
equal, and often their superior, near
at home The Alps, the Rhine and Lu-
cerne seem to ring in our ears with
more enticing magnetism than the
Rockies. the Hudson and Lake George,
the Adirondacks and the Columbia, but
those who are equally familiar with
all are free to declare their prefer
ence for the American Wonderlands.
There is a greater majesty in the Rock
les than in the mountains of Switzer-
land. The natural beauty of. the Hudson
far exceIs that of the Rhine. What
would you think of the American stu
dent who studied Roman history to the
neglect of the history of this country
or gave his whole attention to the
heroes of foreign lands? The best edu-
Gated man is the man who knows his
own country best Let this be our mot
to-America first. the world afterward
European tourists are generally as
tonished that American globe-trotters
leave this land of superior claims to
brave the sea. and, at far greater ex-
pense, search out the attractions of
foreign lands. See the world if YOU
can. but see American first-From
1.-THE Worlds Progress" in Four
Track News fer June.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-06-19

In 1905 one hundred and eighty
homicides and four hundred and fifty
three suicides occurred in Chicago, not
including the gentlemen who were
canned.=Charlesto News and Cour-
Ger
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-06-19
moo DEMONSTRATORS

In Kansas the people are prospecting
to such an extent that It is a hard
matter to induce a man to quit his
job for the Office of United States SEN
atOr.-Erie Record.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-06-19

Kansas thinks it has a great deal Of
politics. but think Of what the new
state Of Oklahoma viii have during the
next Few 1nonthsg It viii be a regular
politicians paradise. with a constitu-