Staunton spectator and vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1896-1916, 1906-03-23
A BLACK EYE.
AGONY OF THE INNOCENT MAN
WHO GETS ONE.

WHO GETS ONE.
Is there any agony equal to that OF
the sober, God-fearing man who has
had an eye accidentally blackened and
who is obliged TO go to business while
the changes are rung in the discolora-
tion-from black to purple, from pur-
pie to saffron and from saffron to mud
color?
A man of this kind was turning a
corner in Park avenue recently when
block of wood driven by a shiny In
the hands of schoolboy struck him
just beneath the left eye. Within an
hour the skin all around the eye was
puffed and black.
When the man entered his home his
wife did not rush for remedies to re-
lieve him. She just clasped her hands
stared at him and murmured:
Good Lord!"
He has never been able to under
stand why he blushed, but he did
blush and stammered:
Il was struck by shiny
i"
Struck by Aha, ha, hal" his wife
laughed shrilly. You don't tell me.
Struck by Aha, ha, ha! is a Shiny
ball like the high balls that men talk
about? Struck by Aha, ha, hal
and she went off into Mysteries.
The next day the man went to his
Office. AS he stepped into the elevator
the man at the lever grinned cordially
and remarked in consoling tone:
Il had a worse one than that when
fellow punched me in front of Tam
many hall on election night"
When the man entered his office six
of his associates were at their desks.
He did not wait for them to discover
him one by one, but, walking boldly
to the middle of the room, he said,
dedantly: Good morning, how are
you?" Then to clinch the matter,
he added, after the manner Of MIR.
Toots: Il am well, how are you?"
The six associates looked up at him.
looked at one another, chuckled fiend-
ishly and made answer as follows:
No. 1.-You remember l asked you
to join me in boxing lessons, but you
wouldn't. Every man should learn how
to save his face, even if he does teach
in Sunday school.
No. 2.-Never Argue with a lamp
post, John.
No. SITS funny how some men get
quarrelsome when they take drop too
much. 1t always makes me merry.
No. 4.-You ought to have countered
with your left.
No. 5.-Let John alone. He doesn't
he's hummer.
No. 6.-Well, every man has got to
let himself loose once in awhile. Ii
be didn't, something in him would
burst.
When luncheon time arrived the man
approached the head Office boy timidly
and said:
Il don't feel like going out just now.
please go out and get some lunch
tor me-
AN wv hONoCu SOhauCulldlly. anu
said: "All right; l understand" and,
when the mans back was turned. gave
brief sparring exhibition, ending. with
an imitation knockout blow, all of
which delighted the pretty typewriter.
AT five p. m. the man. who had al
ways hitherto carried his head high,
SUNK out of the Office, glanced furtive-
~ in all directions. He took a round
about way to the elevated station and
peered at all the persons in car be-
fore he entered it.
When he reached his block it was
dark and he drew long sigh of relief.
But he had not escaped for the day.
At his door he met the janitor, who
looked him over magisterially and
asked:
DO you know who was making all
that noise in the hall about three
o'clock this morning? Several tenants
have been complaining.
II don't know anything about it. I
was in bed at ten O'clock" cried the
man desperately, as he started for his
apartment on the second floor.
Just at the head of the stairs he ran
into pretty young woman who start
ed back, gazed at him and began to
Shrek. AS he entered his fiat, he
heard her saying to the janitor:
ut was some drunken brawler."
That night the man wrote to his
chief saying that he must take week
off, even If he should lose his place by
doing so. He spent nearly all his walk
ing time during the week before a mir
ror, watching the rainbow hues chase
one another about that eye and WON
dering why man with a blackened
eye should be tortured with all sorts
of cruel jests while he would have the
sympathy of his friends if an accident
had happened to his ear or his nose
or his mouth, or any other part of his
body.-N. Y. Sun.