davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
La Junta tribune. (La Junta, Bent County, Colo.) 1881-1939, 1906-04-07

Il saw curious thing the other
day." said the favorite story teller
at a party.
"Well, what was it? Is it 4 true
story?" asked one of the listeners.
"Yes; perfectly true. | saw a
duck swimming across pond and a
cat sitting on its tail"
"Indeed" exclaimed another lis
tener. "What sort of duck was it j?
Any particular kind z"
"Yes; it was diving duck.
Strange to say, the duck dived."
For some moments there was ST.
lence; then a lady asked:
"And what became of the poor
cat? Was it drowned, or did it
only lose one of its nine lives:
NO; it wasn't drowned" said the
story teller. "You see, the duck
dived in the middle of the pond, but
the cat was sitting on its own tail
on a wall close bv."
La Junta tribune. (La Junta, Bent County, Colo.) 1881-1939, 1906-04-07
utorian Ideas.

The dictionaries do not seem TO
recognize the significance given to
"politeness" in the following sen
tence OF loungs preface TO his
"Satires:'
~ writer in polite letters should
be content with reputation, the pri-
vate amusement he finds in his com
positions, the good influence they
have on his severer studies, that ad-
mission they give to his superiors
and the possible good effect they
may have on the public. or else he
should join to his politeness some
more lucrative qualification
The ideal thus presented Is APP
propriately attractive and roman
tic. Its defect is that harassing diff
fculty OF attainment which is so
prone to beset the aspirant after
Utopian conditions.-London Notes
and Queries.
La Junta tribune. (La Junta, Bent County, Colo.) 1881-1939, 1906-04-07
A REALISTIC Joke
vhs War sssias sad Teeis AsAseashst
Scotch waiter.

Sir Henry Irving used TO tell With
glee of a Joke that he, with Nj.
Tooie, the comedian, and a thru
party. PLAYED on one occasion II a
glasgow hotel.
After their work they were sup
ping al the hotel, and there was IN
the room a high screen The IN
slant the waiter was gone they CON
meneed operations They stripped
the silYerware, of which there was a
tolerable supply. from the table AMI
placed II behind the screen The
then opened the window and turned
out the gas, and finally all got under
the table.
The jokers had only TO remain in
their eramped position a few mn
uies before they heard the unstead 2
feet Of the waiter along the .passase-
The darkened room amazed hin,
and the cold air from the window
seemed TO strike him with alright
"Goodness exclaimed he. III :
thieves they are. | thocht as much
frae the luiks o. them and frae Their
CAV talk and their lauehin'. Eh, but
I'm a ruined man, | wish hadna
taken the hale o. that last bottle
Here, Here, Thieves. Thieyes
Murder. Thieves. Thieves" And
shouting at the top of his voice, he
ran out of the room and along the
passage.
The minute he had gone the 9th
ers shut the window, lit the gas, re-
stored the silver 10 the table and sat
around as before, enjoying a quiet
cigar.
Presently there was confuse
murmur along the passage. 1t grew
louder and louder. and in poured a
truly motley throng, mostly hal
dressed, consisting of the manager
two men in bare legs and slipper,
and lady with blanket, caught NJ
in the alarm of fear, followed by
the agonizcd waiter.
One man was armed with a poker
and another carried Il bronze statue
ready to hurl it at the thief. y
they entered the merry trio all sat
back and looked at them with wei
feigned amazement, and Toole sald
to the astonished and bewildered
manager:
"Do YOU always come in this way
with your friends when gentleman
asks for his bill ?"
La Junta tribune. (La Junta, Bent County, Colo.) 1881-1939, 1906-04-07
TINE CANADIAN.


Writing of the ditferenees be-
tween Canadians and Americans. .
correspondent saws: The differ
enees are mostly of degree. The
superb self confidence OF the aver
age American woman as she walks
abroad, the licensed obtrusiyeness of
children, the perpetual degeneraey
of conversation into story telling
these characteristics are less marked
in Canada than in the United States.
In fact, Canada presents as vet .
sub-American variety of civilization.
though in some WAYS rapidly assim-
uating to the United States Physic-
ally the Canadian seems TO be =
sturdier stock of heavier build, slow
er moving and less nervous than the
American. This Is particularly ap-
plieabie 10 the women, whose move
ments and conversation are quieter
and who are without the hunted
look in the ewes which marks SO
many Americans.
1T may be that the colder climate
exercises some moderating influence.
but probably the chief explanation
of these differences lies IN the fact
that most Canadians are country
born and bred. There are few large
cities. and even the dwellers in these
cities keep up most constant con-
tact with country life. Nowhere in
Canadian cities does one see the pro-
fusion of luxury and waste visible in
New York or Chicago. Though
most persons seem to live in fair
comfort, there is no class of mil
lionaires dominating society and
making the form and pace for
servile imitation among the less
wealthy classes.
'Hunting and fishing, with their
sccompaniments of camping out,
play large part in the national
life, sport not having degenerated
into the merely gambling and spec
tatorial habits. Altogether, the
Canadian lives a healthier life. Even
busy cities like Toronto and Mont
real conduct their business life more
quietly than cities of corresponding
caliber in the United States. Chi
csgo News.
La Junta tribune. (La Junta, Bent County, Colo.) 1881-1939, 1906-04-07


In the intense cold of the Tar
OoFthvest, where the sn0x Is deep
and frozen To a dry powder. SAYS .
writer in Outing. the dog drivers use
Q sAo< that Is two and half feet
long and fairly narrow The meshes
ere coarse in the spring, but mid
winter and dry. hard SNOW neeessl-
tate an extremely fine mesh The toe
hole Is placed about two-lhirds The
length forward, and the toe Of the
shoe is broad and upturned- In the
best made shoes the filling is eleveriy
Put in and presents a eoneaye sur-
face to the snow and does not sink
in deeply, but carries up and for
yard, so that the long body and
hs<l always remain down, even al
fast pace
In eastern Canada, where the
country il less open. the snowshoe Is
IN almost exact opposite IN shape
The oval is shorter and broadened
until it appears very clumsy. Never
theless it has been generally accept
cd for all around use In this model
the toe hole is placed farther for
Yard for ease in hill climbing.
The "club" shoes follow this de-
siRn. except that they have upturned
toes. whereas the trappers and lum-
bermen claim that il is easier to
climb hills on the old flat toed mod
81. especially when carrying a pack
or dragging a toboggan. A specially
designed shoe, called '.hill climb
er." has no filling forward of the
toe hole nor back of the rear cross
piece, besides being very eoarsely
meshed. Where the forests are very
dense the Indian uses fairly broad
La Junta tribune. (La Junta, Bent County, Colo.) 1881-1939, 1906-04-07
He Conquered Carlyle.

The Rev. Thomas Alexander, .
Presbyterian minister long resident
in Chelsea and well known as u
brother Scot, was most anxious to
know Carlyle, but had no opportuni-
ty of getting an introduction to him.
One day in the Kings road he saw
Carlyle coming in his direction and
took advantage of the opportunity
by going up to the sage and saying,
"Thomas Carlyle, l believe" Car
lyle's reply was, Tom Alexander, i
know They became good friends,
and later Mr.. Alexander wrote to
Carlyle for subscription toward a
school building fund, and Carlyle
wrote back a refusal in doggerel,
whereupon Alr. Alexander replied
that if he did not send him Is he
would sell his poetry to collector
or publish it. The f5 was at once
forthcoming.
La Junta tribune. (La Junta, Bent County, Colo.) 1881-1939, 1906-04-07
Men and Their Hats.

"Well, well,' remarked leading
halter the other day, Everybody has
smiled at the vanity of women as
they take long and fond glances at
their reflections in the store WIN
dows, but woman is not a marker
for the ordinary man. The uglier
a man is the longer it takes him TO
suit himself with hat, and the
oftener does he look into the glass
while buying one. l have an un-
usually unprepossessing customer
who would exhaust the patience OF a
Job. lie came into the store the
day after the styles arrived and con-
sumed two hours and ten minutes
in getting hat that pleased him.
The next day he returned the hat
and had one made to order. This
man is so ugly that nothing could
improve his looks but mask. >
Philadelphia Record
La Junta tribune. (La Junta, Bent County, Colo.) 1881-1939, 1906-04-07
A Keen Eyed Engineer.

An old engineer in the north Of
England was getting his sight test
ed by doctor who lived in house
facing a large park. The doctor
used to say to his patients, Look
over there and tell me what you can
see." When the engineer learned
that his sight was to be tested he
arranged with his son to take his
bicycle half mile into the park and
be oiling il. In due time the old
man was led to the window, the doc
tor saying, as usual:
"What do You see?'
The old man, peering out, said, 81
see young man STOPPING beside his
bicycle"
"Do you?" said the doctor. II
don't see anything ut all"
"Nonsense," said the engineer.
"Why, he is oiling it."
The doctor took up a pair of field
glasses and plainly saw the same.
Magnificent sight" he said.
The engineer is still drawing his
wages.-London Telegraph.
La Junta tribune. (La Junta, Bent County, Colo.) 1881-1939, 1906-04-07
-faAYcss' Follx.s



The city of Lowell vas seVe4
fson Destruction in 1852 By II
foresight Of one young man Ahsss
1885 = Lowell antiquarian nans1
Criah A. Boyden devoted mueh st.
tenfion to investigating . trsditisa
of q great food in the Nerrimse IN
1855 and found an old man wh0 re-
membered that his father marked
the height of the water by driving .
spike in an apple tree. Mr.. Boydea
perseyered in his search until he
found the tree in Tyngsboro, several
miles above Lowell. Its trunk was
hollow, and, entering it from below.
he discovered the spike, its hssA
wholly concealed by the bark. at .
considerable distance above the
ground. 1t showed that in l:S5 the
water had risen to . point thiFtssa
and half feet higher than the top
of the dam at the mouth Of the c.
nal, which furnished the Lowell Ws-
ter power in 1885.
The engineer in charge OF thie
power was james h. Frsnc,a. .
Young Englishman, Who urged the
directors of the corporation to pre-
vide against the recurrence OF such
a rise Of water. His arguments pre-
vailed. and he Was allowed to coa-
struct two immense wing walls sf
masonry. diyerging from the canal
lock and inclosing the entire esss-
try between the canal end the river.
Over the waterway he hung an io-
mensely strong gate. weighing tvss-
ty tons. which vas susPsnded BY 9
wrought iron chain. A sIedge and
a cold chisel were placed in the csse
of the watchman for use when nsed-
ed. The work WAS finished in 1880
and for two wears WAS laughed q -
Francis folly" 4
On the morning Of April -.
1859, the waters rose % hieh that
the city Of Lowell vas threotoos4
with destruction. and the young %.
gineer was sent for. He rode to the
dam without saddle and hurrisdly
cut the chain. releasing the great
gate. His work stood brsvely, sn4
the Boston Advertiser i've deye
later said that il it had not bsee
constructed "every vestige Of the old
guard gates would have been carried
away and a mighty and uncontrolie-
BILE river would have swept fhroagb
the heart of Lowell. destroying every.
thing in its course. a sssvtee oe
plate was presented to Mr.. FfaneiA,
and during the remainder OF his life
he was one OF Lowelns most hon0sod
citizens. For more than forty yesre
he was agent of the corporsttsa con-
trolling the water power.
La Junta tribune. (La Junta, Bent County, Colo.) 1881-1939, 1906-04-07

An Irishman on seeing a notice
in q haberdasher's window one day
which ran, Everything sold here by
The yard" entered and asked the
nan Of the shop if he sold butter
milk.
"Yes," was the answer.
"Then give me yard" said Pat.
"All right" said the man, and.
dipping his finger into dish OF
milk at his side, he drew it yard In
length on the counter.
Anything else" he queried tri-
unphantly Of Pat.
sNo," said Pat. "Just rowl it up
IN . piece of paper, and I'll take it
With me.eLimerick News.
La Junta tribune. (La Junta, Bent County, Colo.) 1881-1939, 1906-04-07
Pitt's eareasm.

In 1906 Pitt called meeting OF
the British militia colonels to con-
slider his additional force bill. Some
objected to the clause which called
them out under all circumstances
and argued that this should not be
Except in case of actual invasion" !"
"Then," said Pitt, "it would be too
late" Presently they came to an
other clause. when the same OBJ
jectors insisted on the militia not
being liable to be sent out of the
kingdom. Except, / suppose" said
Pitt, with cruel sarcasm, ''in case OF
actual invasion"
La Junta tribune. (La Junta, Bent County, Colo.) 1881-1939, 1906-04-07
Leave. Tha. Ar. Fifty Fee, Lons.

In our temperate climate none OF
the trees has leaves of size that
will even compare favorably with
those Of the sea island and tropical
countries in general. The maple,
the oak and the elm leaves are but
iniinitcsimal bits of green when
compared with the gigantic sheets
of velyety verdure found on some
of the trees, shrubs and plants of
South and Central America. The
South American tree which has the
largest leaf is the lnaja palm, which
grows on the banks of the Amazon.
The leaves of this giant are often
fifty feet in length, but they are
very narrow, seldom exceeding eight
to ten feet. With the Ceylonese
cocoanut palm it is different. In
that species the leaves are from
twenty TO twenty-five feet in length
and from sixteen to eighteen in
wid.h. The natives of Ceylon are
said to use these leaves in tentmak-
ing, three or four being sufficient
to make shelter for q whole fam
ily-
La Junta tribune. (La Junta, Bent County, Colo.) 1881-1939, 1906-04-07

Often bitter quarrels and IRENE
diable breaches occur between those
who really love one another because
Of mistake which might have been
easily explained to full satisfaction
but that the one who had taken Of
tense was too angry to listen to any
defense on the part of the unwitting
offender. Not infrequently some
unlucky impulse tempts woman to
see how far she can try the patience
of the man whom she loves with all
her heart. No end of harm is done
by people who mean none. So she
goes beyond her tether, and before
she knows it the tightly strained
cord has snapped. says Woman's
Life. In conclusion, they who seek
peace should remember that it takes
two to quarrel and that "a soft an
swer turneth away wrath, but griev-
Gus words stir up anger"
La Junta tribune. (La Junta, Bent County, Colo.) 1881-1939, 1906-04-07

Mr.. Newhall. the bridegroom, was
humbly trying to learn some of the
simpler technical terms applying to
feminine garb and a few of the less
er intricacies Of dressmaking Ian
guage, but Mrs. Newhall declared
that he was very slow.
IL think it's shame for Nine.
Fitz to make Elsie Grays gown ex-
actly like mine, when we're both
brides, and she knew we'd be in
,ited to the same places" said Mrs.
Newhall on her return from din
ner party.
"Why, it looked entirely differ
ent," said the husband in his most
soothing tone. 1T was yellow, and
yours is pink, and
That's just the point" said Mrs.
Newhall Indignantly. That's one
of Nine. Fitz's mean little tricks.
1t was exactly the same gown, only
it was yellow instead of pink and
chiffon instead of silk, and where
mine has tucks hers has folds, and
in place of my rosettes Elsie's has
those loops, and where mine has the
material hers has the lace, and the
top Of my sleeves is the bottom OF
hers, and
"Help! Helpw cried Mr.. New
hall.-Youth's Companion.
La Junta tribune. (La Junta, Bent County, Colo.) 1881-1939, 1906-04-07
TRAGEDIES OK roassrones
Eneiish Ch. --'>r-i1 80 rheir crsssa
c. ar.

SneiiSh Cha -f>f = 40" Ther Oro6oo
c. -sr-
In the eharchyards of Britain
several tombstones exist with the
accusations of murder deeply Ell
graved upon them \ stone over
the grave of three children in Mer-
rington tDurhaml ehurehyard bears
the following inscription:
sleepinS se were slain.
And here We sleep til we must rise asair-
In Sandridge ehurehyard, Surrey.
on the tombstone of a custom house
officer who was shot in an encounter
with smugglers is the following:
Thou shalt DO no murder. nor shalt thsu
steal.
Are the commands Jehovah dii reveal.
But thou. oh. wretch. withou, fear sr
dread
On a stone in Cadoxton church
yard, Glamorganshire, is inscribed
the most fearful accusation of mur-
der TO be found on any tomb in
Great Britain;
TO RECORD MURDER.
This stone WAS erected over the body OF
Margaret Williams. aged t~enty-six. liv-
ing In service In this parish. who WAS
found dead with marks of violence upon
her in a ditch a marsh below this
ehurchyard on tn. morning of sunday.
July "a. lSe
Although the savage murderer escaped
for a season the detection Of man. yet
God hath set his mark upon him either for
time or eternity. and the cry Of blood Will
assurediy pursue him to certain and ter
rible but righteous Judgment.
4 tombstone stood in Dulyerton
ehurehyard few years ago on
which was inscribed:
Poisoned by the doctor. neglected by the
nurse.
The brother robbed the widow. which
made the matter worse.
An accusation OF murder appears
on the tomb Of Edwin, the Irish
comedian, who was buried in st.
Werburgh's ehurchyard, Dublin, and
also ON tombs to be found in Acton
clIurchyard. Worcestershire; Hoo,
near Rochester; Little Stukeley and
Mytton. near Clitheroe, Lancashire.
London Tit Bits.
La Junta tribune. (La Junta, Bent County, Colo.) 1881-1939, 1906-04-07
All Rsssrds Drs,ssn.

Just As the excursion boat was
leaving the pier Dennis Riordan
came rushing down, picnic basket in
hand, shouting, "Wait for me-" The
boat wouldn't wait, SO he jumped,
easily clearing the three feet Of wa
ter between the dock and the boat,
and landed fairly on the deck, but
struck his head against q post hard
enough to render him unconscious
for half minute. As he came to,
he stood up and looked in amsss-
ment at the wide stretch Of water
between the steamer and the pier.
~Glory bet" he exclaimed. "What
Q joompp
La Junta tribune. (La Junta, Bent County, Colo.) 1881-1939, 1906-04-07

This is the way books aPpsalsd =
the father Of Abingdon Baird, .
once well known supporter OF the
institution known rs 'the turf" Il
must have some books" he saA
when he found nm empty library v
the house which he had purchased
in Roxburgshire. His only condi-
ton was that the volumes should
be handsome and should cover II
bulk SO many feet Of space. The
bookseller suggested that hait
should be bound in Russia and halS
in Morocco. 'What on eGrth's -
hinder you from having the los
bound in Glasgow was Bsird's ~.
sponse.-I.ondon Graphic.
La Junta tribune. (La Junta, Bent County, Colo.) 1881-1939, 1906-04-07
Hit Sack.

Cousin Sophia talented and ac-
complished)-Yes, ! ike Nr. Fib-
son. He's so sensible. He told me
he didn't care = rap for unintellec-
tual women, however beautiful they
may be.
Cousin Bella (only pretty)-Did
he really? Why, he told me he
couldn't bear intellectual women
He said women's mission was to be
beautiful.
La Junta tribune. (La Junta, Bent County, Colo.) 1881-1939, 1906-04-07
her Triumph.

Mrs. Bricktop (bursting With
pride)-How dye like my new car
pet, Mrs. Crosseye?
Mrs. Crosseye bursting with en-
wy It's s-er-very nice indeed,
Mrs. Bricktop, fer fer brussels.
BY the way, 1 nearly forgot what l
came for. / wish you would lend
me your lawn mower a few mo-
ments.
TAwn usower? Why, certainly.
But what on earth can you want OF
Q lawn mower at this tire Of the
year?"
II desire to thin down our velvet
carpet in the nursery q little. The
ehiidsua ere always ldsipg their ar
La Junta tribune. (La Junta, Bent County, Colo.) 1881-1939, 1906-04-07
Psss. ts,s Jssssr.

Pace, jester to Queen Elizabeth
was SO bitter in his retorts upon hGe
that he was forbidden her prssenea
After he had been absent for somlo
time q few Of his friends entrsats4
her majesty to receive him beck inte
favor, engaging for him that -
would be more guarded in his d.
course for the future. Ths vssy
first time they agsih nst Psce w.
as bad as ever. Come %, fsees
said the queen in her grscioss hsr
NOR, nov We shall hear Of or
faults" "No, madam" said Paeos
81 never talk Of what i discourso1
by all the world"
La Junta tribune. (La Junta, Bent County, Colo.) 1881-1939, 1906-04-07

A I4eavenworth girl up till ~
Gently was engaged to . popular on
Ger at the post. She, howsvse, r.
ceiyed the attention Of the men y
town, and her fisnce objected. r.
nally ON that account the engage
msnt was broken. One Of her
friends in talking with her sStsf-
ward said: '.I'm glad Of it. Yos
never were bit suited to each othse
anyway"
SWELL" said the other 9sdits-
lively, II wish I'd had the pressnee
of mind to resign from the eEHy
instead Of waiting till was diaho.-
orably discharged" LeavsnvortA
Post.
La Junta tribune. (La Junta, Bent County, Colo.) 1881-1939, 1906-04-07

On one occasion when the poet
Campbell and his older brother were
sleeping together the poet was even
more than usually restless. His
brother received a series Of vigor-
Gus kicks and bore them with sur
prising good nature. But in the
morning he demanded an explana-
ton.
Il was not asleep" replied the
gifted Thomas wearily. Il WAS at
1empting to compose q poem upon
grandeur, but I was unable to get
the lines to please me At all Tor
long time. But think that with
ooe or tWo alterations It will do
-Indeed,r responded II leaG saf-
fefisg brother dryly. ~W0, 1om,
I don't know what share - elain
in this last efusion, but / en 4eies
sure that had al the bo0 stSe6ss
Of it."
La Junta tribune. (La Junta, Bent County, Colo.) 1881-1939, 1906-04-07
ws-,s 10 whs. Counts.

pity the man who does not work,
st whichever end of the social scale
hs may regard himself as being.
The Law Of worthy work well done
\ the Law of successful American
life. / believe in play, too; play and
play hard, but do not make the mis-
take Of thinking that that is the
nnin thing. The work is what
counts, and If q man does his work
vsll and it is worth doing, then it
unatters but little in which line that
work = done-ths man is . good
Ansfican citisen.-Theodore Rooss-
VT.
La Junta tribune. (La Junta, Bent County, Colo.) 1881-1939, 1906-04-07

There exists . strict reloti0 -
tween the dis of power - -
exclusive and polished circles. To
last are always filed Of dlllMg ffoA
The arst. fsslioa, shs1gh fnss
strange way. repsgsets A y
vistse. It is virtuSselnet6 =
kind Of posshumo0 n1ns6 \ {
the past. Great ~ - ~ G. =
nonly in its halls. Thsg - sAl .
In the helds. They nos ve1k
~ tsiumphiag. FasAisa = 11b
np # thsif shnasn = sss