davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1906-04-29

and begun on me mighty vigrus. Sec he,
in refrigerator tone of voice: 'Bruther
Shuckers what orthodox ecclesiastical de-
nomination do YOU affiliate WITH" | told
him | warn't right now, active menu
Der of any organizations, 'cept the dinms
cratic party: tho | had once been a vivid
proposition In the Ku Klux. He rolled
his eyes and groaned like bull with the
collie, and ejac' lated, "Sicn ig'nuncel My
benghted bruther," he lows. Il don't
mean no carnal association like that. /
arsk YOU, do YOU berlong to any eh uch?"
Told him all my folks was deep worter
Baptists, but that ] didn't feel like | was
good ernuff to jine the Baptist CHI UGH, and
git immersed, specially as it alters make
me sick to git wet Then that bilious
parson lit in and ripped the dymmicrats
into doll rags snorted about the crude
and unfounded doctrine of immershun.
ra'red over the ignurance and vishusness
of us folks. and closed his rantin' with
a hectic statement that needed change
of heart, cos l was actin like nobody
but me and the niggah porter was goin'
to git to Heaven.
""lhs yere joltin from high-coilared
'Vangelist who was eatin' my grub free,
gratis, and for nuthin', sorter reused up
my dander. Fact is it made me as hot
as a hen layin' Told him the Dummy
cratic party and the Baptis' chuch was
old ernufr and big ernufr to take keer of
| itsef. and that we didn't need no change
OF heart at this hotel, but what me. and
| the boarders needed wuss was change
OF liver. ! notified him that our style of
don's, and our pattern or religgun suited
us right down to the ground, and we
didn't propose to change it because a
hyphenated, typho -malarial clerical ass
from Codfshtown thought dif'funt.
Il hot afo x-aA xxrit1 70. =,
week and devoured chickng-fixings and
hot grub like niger at a cawn-shuckin'
Eth? Did I charge him anything? Well.
-er. nav, didn't charge him for board
hut assessed him fifteen dollars for jaw
Charged him Jess for his sass and made
him pay for it, too. It's mighty sildom
that l take any sass. but when l do /
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1906-04-29

eye and took a hard look at the party,
which doubtless meant More trouble
for me-" The venerable animal creak-
ed at every joint as it slowly rose into
the air on the instalment plan a foot
or two at a time.
We had come thousands of miles to
see the Pyramids, and for the next ten
minutes we were so busy hanging on
to those undulating ships of the desert
that we overlooked even the big Pyra-
mid which was spread out before us
$50 feet wide and 400 feet high. Rid
ing a camel is like sitting on high
trestle that is giving way at the joints
and is about to collapse. The distance
to the ground is probably ten feet, but
you seem to be fifty feet in the air.
AS soon as we could escape from the
camels we walked around and gazed in
solemn silence at the Sphinx and the
three Pyramids and doubtless thought
all of the things that were appropriate
to the time and place.
The great Pyramid of Cheops has
been advertised so extensively that
doubtless many people will be sur
prised to learn that there is a whole
flock of Pyramids on this plateau along
the edge of the Lybian desert There
are Pyramids in the north and Pyra-
mids in the south, five groups in all,
sixty of them, and they vary in size
from a stingy little mound looking
like an extinct limekiln up to the behe-
moth specimen which is photographed
by every Cook tourist.
Why do these Pyramids vary so
greatly In size? Each was built by
some royal parsonage as an enduring
monument to his administration and
the last resting place of his remains.
The most eminent students of Egypt
| ology now agree that the size of each
| of these Pyramids Is fair measure
of the length of each kings reign. The
reason that Cheops has the biggest
Pyramid is that he held office longer
than the others. When king mount
ed the throne If he was feeling rugged
and was what an insurance company
would call preferred risk" he would
block out the foundation of Pyramid
| tomb that would require, say, ten
years for the building. IL at the end
of ten years he was still feeling in
good physical condition and confident
of lasting awhile longer he would
widen the foundations and put on ad
ditional layers up to the summit. La;
! Dor was free and materials were
| cheap, and he kept everybody working
on his tomb as long as he lived. Fla
ally. when the court physician begar
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1906-04-29
URING the first three days in
Cairo a brilliant and original
plan of action had been Out

plan of action had been out
lining itself in my mind. At last l
could not keep it to myself any longer,
so I told Mr. Peasley.
do you know what I am going to
do?" l asked.
Mr.. Peasley did not
Il am going to write up the Pyra-
mids. I am going to tell who built
them and how long it took and how
many blocks of stone they contain. |
shall have myself photographed sitting
on a camel and holding an American
flag. Also, l shall describe in detail
the emotions that surge within me as [
stand in the shadow of the Sphinx
and gaze up at that vast and impertub-
able expanse of face.
Its a great scheme" said Mr.. Peas
ley, "but you've been scooped. They've
been written up already
Are you sure?"
Eyes, sir. the whole outfit of Pyra-
mids has been described in special
article by man named Herodotus.
How long since?"
About 470 B. c."
He produced a guide book and
proved that he was right. All things
that l had been getting ready to say
about the Pyramids had been said by
lHerodotus. He had got there ahead
of me-just 1876 years ahead of me.
In daily newspaper competitor, when
rBome man gets his news twenty-four
lhours ahead of another one he Is
proud of his beat" and is the hero
of the office for fifteen or twenty min
ntes. But think of trailing along
hwenty>four centuries behind a Greek
space writerl 1t took all the starch
put OF me,
Mr.. Peasley suggested that inasmuch
Hs considerable time had elapsed since
the appearance of the first write-up,
possibly the average reader would
have only a dim recollection of 1t and
accept my account as brand new stuff.
iBut | knew better | knew that some
eold subscriber with complete file
put away in the bureau, would rise
up and draw the deadly parallel on
me. All l can safely do in regard to
the Pyramids is touch up few points
overlooked by my predecessor.
Herodotus, by the way, had quite
time In Egypt At that time Shep-
heards Hotel was not In operation,
although it must have been under
way, and no round trip tickets We're
being issued by Cook, so Herodotus
had to do his own booking and put up
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1906-04-29

and the man who finds himself
"bridged" must either swim or engage
a boat
1t is a five minutes climb from the
end of the drive up to the rocky pla-
teau on which the Pyramids are
perched, and the ordinary tourist goes
afoot. But We were pining for Orien-
tai extravaganza and new sensations,
So we engaged camels. The camel al
lotted to me was destitute of Hair, and
when first discovered was in coma
tose condition. His or her name was
zenobia, and the brunette in charge
said that its age was either six or
sixty. 1t sounded more like six, but
the general appearance of the animal
seemed to back up the sixty theory
AS we approached Zenobia opened one
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1906-04-29

to warn him that his time was lin
tied. he would begin putting ON the
outer coating of dressed stone and ar
range for the inscriptions. The ruler
who lasted only three or four years
was buried in squatty little Pyramid,
which soon became hidden under the
drifting sands of the desert. Cheops
kept piling up the huge blocks for
thirty years. and that is why his Pyra-
mid holds the record. If Methuselah
had been a Pyramid builder he would
have been compelled to put up tomb
probably a mile and a half high and
about eleven miles around the base.
In revolutionary South American
republic the ruler would probably get
no further than laying the corner
stone
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1906-04-29

casing of the Pyramid had been strip
ped off and the inscription had disap-
peared. His story had stood because
re was here ahead of the rest of us
and saw the marks with his own eyes
and had them translated by a 10-cent
guide. But can you believe that a
great monarch would devote thirty
years and sacrifice thousands of lives
and work the whole male population of
his kingdom to skin and bones putting
up a colossal spulchre, and then set
aside the most valuable space on this
glorious monument for telling how
much onions and garlic had been fed
to the help?
Marco Polo. Mark Twain and all the
other great travellers of history love
TO tell tall ones once in a while, but
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1906-04-29

lat NAboarding house. In Memphis,
which Us now fragmentary suburb
of Cairo, .Herodotus engaged guide.
He does N, t tell us what he paid, but
he does give us a line on the character
OF the dragVoman, who was full of
superfiuous All ID undesirable informa-
ton, but who fell down and asked TO
divulge facts CT real Importance. This
proves that the breed has not changed
since 500 3, G.
The guide took Herodotus out to
the Pyramids and fiEled him up. 1t is
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1906-04-29

Now, that sum in talents is equiva-
lent, under modern computation, to
$4,000 English pounds, or $1,75000.
Think of a million dollars worth of
garlic! Try to imagine the bouquet
that permeated the desert when one
hundred thousand men who had been
eating garlic began to call for more
bricks and mortar!
Herodotus told his story and got
away with it, BY the time the next
letter writing traveller came along, a
good many centuries later, the outer
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1906-04-29

edge of the burning desert it was so
frigid and formal in the dining room
that people had to put ice in their clar-
ct in order to reduce it to the temper
ature of the room. Even Mr.. Peasley.
who feels that to be CHEEKY and con-
versational is a duty he owes to his
fellow man. crawled back into his
shell and lay very quiet. after two
large dowager looking ladies began
looking holes in him with their lorgn-
ettes
After luncheon we went out on the
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1906-04-29
Extremes.

From the Chicago Tribune
Doctor" said the patient upon whom
the hospital surgeon had just operated
for appendicitis, you're the same sur
geon that anputated the first finger of
my right hand when l had it crushed in
a railroad accident a few months ago,
amt you?"
Yes" answered the surgeon.
We'll, you got my index then, and
now you've got my appendix. l hops you
are .eatisfied.'
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1906-04-29

been there fourteen hundred years
when he first arrived. 1t seems
strange that an observing traveller
should have overlooked monument
sAxty-six feet high, with a face nearly
fourteen feet wide, a nose five feet and
seven inches long and wearing smile
that measures over seven feet. Hero
tus either walked by without seeing
it or else he did not think 1t worthy
of mention. The only plausible ex-
PLANTATION is that he was too busy fig
uring up the garlic statistics.
The Globe-republican., 1906-03-15
nWeeplnur Senators.

Senator Tillman is the latest add
ton to the class. Of weeping senator's
He broke down and sobbed aloud as
he concluded his, speech in the senate
on the case OF Mrs. Morris. who was
elected from the White House. sena.
tor Thurston wept when he made his
Speech on Cuban reciprocity, but the
prize "weeper" Of them all Is Senator
Teller, Of Colorado. AT the best his
voice is fearful, but Of late years he
has been giving away to his feelings
and when thoroughly aroused to his
subjects he sheds tears end his voice
is 'choked with sobs OF emotion. The
late Senator Mitchell, Of Oregon, was
also in the weepir ]; class of senator's.
The Globe-republican., 1906-03-15
BANKS OF CANADA GAIN;
PEOPLES SAVINGS BIG.
Record Of Financial institutions for
the Year 1905 Shows Remarkable
Prosperity All Over the Dominion.

Record Of Financial institutions for
the Year 1905 Shows Remarkable
Prosperity All Over the Dominion
Ottawa, Canada, March 1.-The year
which has just closed has been one OF
the most satisfactory and progressive
with the financial institutions OF Can
ada, and the business OF the charter
ed banks reflects the unprecedented
prosperity enjoyed throughout the
country during the year 1905.
The increased demands made upon
the banks Of the Dominion by the COM
merclal and agricultural expansion OF
the year we're provided for without
the monetary disturbances sometimes
noted In the United States. Whatever
opinions may be held as to the COM
position OF the Canadian banking sys-
TEN. 1t Is claimed that its flexible
currency has many commendable
features, and without which the last
few months of the year must have pro-
duced money stringency with prob
ably disastrous results. 1t Is felt that
wider field OF credit In the Dominion
is needed. and consequently the CAPT.
tai Of many existing banking institu-
lions has been increased and several
new banks are in progress of organiza-
ton.
The chartered banks OF Canada to
day enjoy the confidence of the gen.
eral public to greater extent than
ever before. The total deposits OF the
people in these institutions last year
were s522,3l7000. which shows an in
crease OF over $4,000 600 for the year.
In actual money in bank probably no
other country In the world compare
lively speaking. can make a better
showing than Canada.
The total deposits of the Canadian
people In the Government savings
banks. In special savings institutions,
and in the chartered banks alone
amounted last year to the enormous
sum of $6O9,454.0O0. This represents
an average credit, balance of over
500 per head Of the population OF the
Dominion. and 1t is stated that the
only other country in the world that
approaches this record is Denmark,
where the average credit balance Is
about $3.50 per capita The above
figures, however. do not comprehend
moneys deposited with private bank
ers. loan companies. mortgage cor.
porations and trust companies, or
what is boarded up in secret hiding
places.
The annual report of the Dominion
finance department. which has Just
been issued to the public, shows
surplus In the Dominion treasury for
the fiscal year Of 81, S6S.O 900. and fefers
to the remarkable increase in the pub
lie revenues during the wear.
The Globe-republican., 1906-03-15
congressman Must Learn.

Congressman Olmstead, Of Pennsyl-
vania, expresses this opinion: ut
takes a man about four terms in the
house to famillarize himself with his
office. A district that intends keep
a man in Washington for only two
terms might almost as well send a
clerk here, because the member new
err learns more than the performance
of the routine duties before he is
called upon to give up his office to
another, who will 60 in the same
way"
The Globe-republican., 1906-03-15
WAR ON TRAILING SKIRTS.
League Against the Trailing Skirt
Has Been Organized.

A pretty war of skirts is being
fought out in a small German town,
where a League Against the Trail
Ing Skirt" has been formed. with the
support of the mayor, who has even
gone SO far as to regulate in an edict
thei length of the offending garment.
It this last piece Of municipal tyr
amy that has aroused the long suf-
fering woman Of fashion, and she has
formed counter Union of the Liber-
ty Of Dress" So far 1t. seems that the
league is in the ascendant, for it has
Just dined the mayor triumphantly,
while the union, scorning such CASTRO
nomic methods Of bribery. is trusting
10 greater elegance Of appearance for
the Precipitation Of the masculine auth.
critics. M
The Globe-republican., 1906-03-15
Duty on Scotch Pipe.

There is a duty of s5.35 on Scotch
pipe coming into Canada. This, of
course, would be adequate protection
to the Canadian concerns were condi.
lions affecting the manufacture Of pipe
equal In the two countries, but they
are not. Scotch pipe can be manu-
featured much cheaper than Canadian.
The Globe-republican., 1906-03-15

tacks finally developed into chronic
case. At one time had to use a
crutch and cane to get about. My
back was. lame and weak, and besides
the, aching, there was distressing
retention Of the kidney secretions.
was in bad way when began using
Doan's Kidney Pills in 1901, but the
remedy cured me and l have been
well ever since"
Sold by all dealers. SO cents box.
Foster-Milburn Co., Buffalo. N. Y.
The Globe-republican., 1906-03-15

Kansas, will interest
the thousands Of vet
Grams who came back
from the Civil War
suffering torture S
with kidney COM
plant. Capt. Ely
says; "I contracted
kidney trouble during
the civil war, and
the occasional at
The Globe-republican., 1906-03-15
Ships Lonq Cruise.

The Alaska Steamship Company's
steamship indianapolis arrived at San
Francisco on February from Chicago,
where she was built, by way Of New
York. After taking on coal she will
proceed to Puget Sound, where she
will be put into commission between
Seattle and other Sound ports.
The Globe-republican., 1906-03-15
Manhattan,s First Papcr.

Manhattan, Neyada's new and boom
ing mining camp. saw its first, news
paper Janary 10, when the Manhattan
Mail, a weekly, began publication with
fine display Of advertisements, lots
Of mining news, a series OF buoyant
editorials and Biographical sketches OF
the pioneers 'of Manhattan" The
first discovery of gold was made acct
dentally April 4 of last year, though
the boom did not begin till several
months later.
The Globe-republican., 1906-03-15
-RAsY's. IoRTuRINe HuMoR.
Ears Looked as II They Would Drop
Off-Face Mass of Sores-Cured
for 75c.

|4ss-a-s@-@A<Sf - ~ " ~~''-
for 75c.
IT feel 1t my duty to parents of
other poor suffering babies to tell
you what Cuticura has done for my
little daughter. She broke out all
over her body with humor, and we
used everything recommended, but
without results. called in three doc.
tors, they all claimed they could help
her, but she continued to grow worse
Her body was mass Of sores, and
her little face was being eaten away;
her cars looked as II they would drop
of. ANeighbors advised me to get
Cuticura Soap and Ointment, and
before | had used half of the cake
OF Soap and box Of Ointment the
sores had all healed, and my little
ones face and body were as clear
as a newborn babes. would not
be without 1t again II It cost five dol
lars, instead OF seventy-fve cents.
Mrs George j. steese. 7O1 Colburn
st., Akron, Ohio"
The Globe-republican., 1906-03-15
-lREFusE SUBSTITUTES.
Melba's Memory.

Nine. Melba possesses such re-
tentive memory that she can. learn an
entire opera in week. She does
much OF her studying in bed, where
she is far from noise. but the airs are
chiefly mastered while she is walking
or driving.
The Globe-republican., 1906-03-15

1.-TWO or three times a year | am
troubled with my throat, kind Of raw
feeling, turning to bronchitis. have
had the services of my physician in
each case. Two years ago, when |
felt spell coming, | tried Peruna to
check it, and to my delight was not
troubled with the smothered and chok-
ing feeling and never have been since.
| can check it every time with Pc.
runaU
The Globe-republican., 1906-03-15
Transvaal Climate.

One popularity Of the Transvaal eli.
mate is that, while being very heal
thy, 1t yet has the effect Of making
people appear far older than they real.
ly are. The rarefed air is popularity
supposed to be responsible for this.
The Globe-republican., 1906-03-15
LONGEST BRIDGE In The World.

The longest bridge in the world is
that crossing thhe Danube at Ger.
navoda, with length of 12.705 feet;
followed next by the Galveston bay
bridge, in Texas, with 11.197 feet
The Firth of Forth bridge, hear Queen.
spring, in Scotland, ranks eighth, and
the Brooklyn bridge ninth.
The Globe-republican., 1906-03-15
Write for a Sample Package

Of Garfield Tea, the mild laxative which
cures constipation, sick headache and de-
engagements OF liver, Kidneys, stomach and
sowels. Garfield Tea is made wholly Of
herbs. Address Garfield Tea Co., Brooklyn,
II. Y. Send namo of your ruggist.
The Globe-republican., 1906-03-15

Mrs. Virginia Catiana. room 80,
Cambridge Block, Portland, Ore,
writes:
Il was a sufferer with catarrh Of
the throat and lungs for long time
before Peruna was recommended to
me. | gave 1t trial, although /
thought at the time it would be just
like other medicines and do me no
good. | was pleased to find that my
Improvement began in less than two
weeks and continued until was en-
tirely we'll ! gained nearly Is pounds,
have splendid appetite and am CRATE
full for what your medicine has done
for me-,
The Globe-republican., 1906-03-15

The enormous crops of our Northern
Grown Pedigree Seeds ON our seed farms
the past year compel us to issue spe-
cial catalogue called
sALzER's BARGAIN SEED BOOK.
This is brim full Of bargain seeds at bar
gain prices.
SEND THIS NOTICE TO-DAY.
and receive free sufficient seed to grow
tons of grass on your lot or farm this
summer and our great Bargain Seed Book
with its wonderful surprises and great
bargains in seeds at bargain prices
Remit 4c and we add package of Cos
mos, the most fashionable, serviceable,
beautiful annual flower.
John A. Salzer Seed Co., Lock Draw.
er W., La Crosse, Wis.
The Globe-republican., 1906-03-15
HERITAGE or CIVIL WAR

Thousands Of Soldiers Contracted
Chronic Kidney Trouble While In
the Service. "
The experience Of Capt John L.
Ely, Of Co. L, nth Ohio, now living
at 500 East Second street, Newton,
The Globe-republican., 1906-03-15

II a man Is prosperous he has no use
for his friends; II he isn't they hav'
no use for him.
The Globe-republican., 1906-03-15

that yAllcock's are the original and only
genua@prous plasters; all other so-called
porous plasters are limitations.
The Globe-republican., 1906-03-15
sALzER's BARGAIN SEED Boz
SEND THIS NOTICE TO-DAY.

The hungry man may make the well
kin ring, but he much prefers the din
ner bell.
The Globe-republican., 1906-03-15

Avoid all associations that turn to
darkness without a certain influence
The Globe-republican., 1906-03-15
SAVED From cA1ARRA o. LUNGS;
AlAv - SO COMMON IN WINTER
BY TAKING PE-RU-NA.

Sore Throat Develops Into Bronchitis
Mrs. Addie, Harding, III, w. Bright.
on Ave-, Syracuse, N.Y., writes =
have been a user Of Peruna for the
past twelve years, With me 1t Is u
sure preventive fcolas and. many 9TH
ar illSI- ~ k n w
The Globe-republican., 1906-03-15
8 Tons Grass Hav Free. ;

Everybody loves lots and lots of fodder
for hogs, COWS, sheep and swine.
The Globe-republican., 1906-03-15

Mrs. Windows Soothing Syrup.
For children teething, softcns the gums reduces In
uammaton, alays pain, cures wind collie. 25c bottle
Clinch Valley news. [volume] (Jeffersonville, Va.) 18??-2019, 1906-03-16
Tall Queens and Small Kings.

This is the age OF tall queens and
small kings. II is a curious fact that
In the case OF nearly every royal
married couple in Europe the wife is
taller than the husband The car.
who is considerably below the aver.
age height of men. is fully a head
shorter than his beautiful and males.
tic czarina. The kaiser, who is
well-grOwn man is, nevertheless. over.
topped by the German empress. King
Victor Emmanuel OF Italy scarcely
reaches up to the shoulders OF Queen
Helena, who is an unusually tall wom-
an, while he is a diminutive man.
King Charles OF Portugal is also over
topped by his queen. although he
makes up in rotundity of body what
he lacks In height.