The Republican journal., 1906-02-22

and little expense. Order to-day.
would know l was lying worse than
Ananias ever did. You see, as it is
now arranged, it doesn't give the
speaker any latitude for romancing. |
don't know why man always has lati-
tude for doing things, and not longl-
tude, but he does. Sometime | am
going to study navigation and find out.
but, at present, all my spare time is
taken up in declining invitations to ad-
dress Maine clubs.
| have told you what l could say in
Texas, but what can l say to you, and
tell the truth? In the first place, | will
say that, if any of you have any idea of
striking my county at present, bring a
little with you. l don't mean the
county or prohibition, but the antidote
for it. At the present time it is very
dry there Now, when it is dry in
Maine, it is very much like any other
drouth. 1t will be very dry in one sec
ton and quite moist in another, and
when it is dry, what does it mean? 1t
means that saloon, hotel and pasture
bars are closed so that you cannot get a
drink by the glass, and you have to
learn to drink out of bottle, and it re-
quires an artist to do this and not
choke, or let the liquid run down out of
the corners of his mouth onto his chin.
1t means that every family that wants
any liquor, and you know what that
means, has plenty in the house.
1t means that most anybody can
get all he wants, somehow, from
half pint up to a barrel. 1t means
that in my city, while every liquor
dealer is in Jail serving sentences OF
| from two to eighteen months each, with
big fine on the side, the same old
drunkards are tending strictly to busl-
ness at the same old stands. 1t means
that in an adjoining county the liquor
sellers were not imprisoned, but were
either fined, let go scot free, or not
molested at all, and all under the same
| law, in the same courts, by the same
| Judges. Talk about Geo. AIDES farces!
! | have always considered that | was a
| fairly good temperance man, AS a Small
keg would hold more than | eter have,
but, sometimes, | almost want to swear
! when | think of that funny old law
| Speaking of swearing, | often think
| that little swear word contains more
medicinal properties than medicine, as.
/ for instance, when your wife asks you
to get up in the night, in the dark and
xiii a burglar, and you strike the ridge
pole of your foot against the rocker OF
a chair Now if It's the arnica bottle
YOU need. it necessitates lighting a
| lamp finding the bottle, and bathing
the wound. while if you are reasonably
bright you can think of something very
appropriate to say, and say it at the
moment you need it, and say it in the
dark kill the burglar, and go back to
bed in no time l am not advocating
swearing, but ] do think it has its uses
when handled judiciously. Neither am
| limiting that my wife ever asked me
to get up on such an errand. | am
| talking about you and your wives, for
When ma wife goes to bed she is dead
to the world till the resurrection, II she
is not called before, and such little mat
tiers as killing burglars are unimpOrtant
to her Whenever | kill burglar IN
the night she never knows anything
about it till tell her the next morning.
| will now return to my announced
subject and proceed to dissect 1t, though
! | fear my address will be something
! like the old darkey minister's, who,
after announcing his text, sad, "Breth-
; rem, | shall preach from this text, at
the text, and scattering: principally
scattering" but please understand me,
! I want to do the scattering myself. L
don't want YOU to scatter until L am
/ done.
| always like to meet Maine people.
! think | am very loyal to old Maine.
OF course there are Maine people L
don't like to meet, as for example, the
man with the small pox, or the tax col
lector and you do meet them every
where,-I don't mean those two classes.
but Maine people generally. 1t would
be interesting to know just how many
have been born in Maine, and have
gone to other States and lands, SEEM
ingly on purpose to meet me. They are
everywhere \ few years ago | was in
Tennessee on the top of Lookout Noun
tain. You remember Gen. Joe Hooker
fought a battle above the clouds, and,
if ever fight battle, shall certainly
fight it above the clouds, as l think 1t
will be safer up there. Well, got up
in the morning about three O'Clock, and
what do you suppose did it for? Why,
to see the sun rise! Under the glare OF
these lights, l ask you, my friends, 90
| look like a man who would go clear
from the State Of Maine to the top of
Lookout Mountain, Tennessee. to get
up at three a. M, to see the sun rise!
But | did. 1t is the only real crime
that [ ever committed. | buried the
man who proposed it on the sunny
slope of the mountain. 1t was quiet
funeral and no flowers. But l digress.
What ! was about to say was, that, as
| stepped out of the hotel at that beast
ly hour, man, clad in blue flannel
shirt and pair of duck overalls, and
wearing a paint pot at his side On a
tarred rope chatelaine, accoSted me and
said, Good morning, sir; l think l
know you" | did not tell him that he
had another think coming" to him, as
that phrase had not been born, but
did say, as | had no money | wanted to
lend, mo you don't" for | was three
o'clock a. m mad. 81 think ] do" said
he; 'Pve seen you in Belfast, Maine, !"
and | had to plead guilty. 1t seemed
that he was a sailor, and had drifted
out to Tennessee OF course that is a
figure of speech, as it would be an i'm
possibility for man to drift from Or
land, Maine, to the top of Lookout
Mountain even in a wet spring. In
closing This sad episode, let me say that
| either did or did not see the sun rise
that morning; l have forgotten which,
and have no desire to remember it. l
know that took a course of medicine
at the time to make me forget that ter
rible experience, and l thought had
till tonight. l met another man way