Willmar tribune. [volume] (Willmar, Minn.) 1895-1931, 1906-02-07
(Copyrighted)-.
Oily Learns a Few Things About
Society.


is curious phase of human existence
which has no reasonable excuse for be-
ing other than to. furnish livelihood
to some altogether undeserving persons
who would better be forced to go to
work: In other words, MY boy, So
ciety is but liberation and has no
real status other than what it makes
itself. -'.:
"Once upon time it was alleged to
be a collection of men and women of
extreme culture and learning, who
banded together to boost mankind up
a couple of intellectual notches, but
to-day the designation is altogether
reversed. Instead Of being cultured,
society folk are rude and finicky. In
stead Of being learned, they are some
what hollow tanked, and instead Of
using the elevator, they put the reverse
English on brains"
do not persons of massive intellect
gambol in society, dear uncle?" in
quired little billy.
mot so you could notice it," replied
Uncle George. "The terms are not by
any means synonymous. It would be
fatal to social success to. have the &C.
cusation Of mentality brought against
one. In other words, billy, If you
would enter society you should take
a primary course in the nearest absurd
mansion. Society, however, serves a
great and good purpose. 1t is wrong
to cavil at it, and we should frown
upon every attempt to do away with
social functions. The Hcentious press,
Dilly, occasionally aims bitter blow
at society, but society does not care
two wlroops in Gehenna, for it re-
Allies it's divine purpose, which, my.
boy, is that noble profession of making
the world laugh heartily. To be con-
else, my dear boy, society is the low
comedian of life, and is permitted to
draw comfortable salary for it's Ia
:bors.
4: 81 like to go to Newport in the
summer, Dilly, for there see much
to amuse me. I realize at once that
Newport is the national safety valve,
and that without it many of us would
go down to our graves without smil-
ing. Cruel persons have limited that
social usage is blow at our vested
equality in life and punch in the eye
to our national freedom, but this is
not true. Had we no. society We would
know little of the habits of the SINH
ans, and all Dr. Gamers work would
be in vain. So closely is society
aping DR.. Gamers proteges, my dear
nephew, that shortly we may expect to
see the higher lights Of that circle
rising Intellectually to the dizzy
heights where they will be able to
climb rainpipes and ask for pennies.
1T is at Newport that society is
freest in. it's scorn for the conven-
tionalities, but one need not confine
oneself to Newport, for any really un-
respectable resort will answer all pur-
poses. There one may see the care
free devotees of fashion exhibit them
selves with all the abandon of an
unrestrained lack of vitality. Would
you wish to observe the very latest
thing in travelling companion? Go
to the nearest resort and gaze on
Mrs. Stuyvesant De We're as she rolls
haughtily along with her pet pedi-
greed porker, dressed in diamond col.
lar and an ermine bib. at her SIDE"
"But, dear uncle" asked little Dill
bly,, ARE not the members of society
supposed to pose as an example to the
common people?"
Undoubtedly, my dear nephew
said Uncle George. 'They are sup
posed to pose as an example, but there
are various kinds of an example
Most frequently it is an example that
| gets sidetracked and winds up with
a brutal crash on the pavement OF
publicity. But there; we should moi
be bitter to these poor people. Were
it not for their openhanded generosity
many publications that are issued
weekly would never survive the first
financial frost. To my mind there il
no more ,elevating spectacle than tt
see the editor of the society weekly
calling upon the cotillon leader at an
early morning hour. The editor is 8
! manly person. with all the human
graces stamped upon his face. Thu
cotillon leader is somewhat distrai
and is attired in. a yellow bathrobt
with carpet slippers on his feet. Ont
watches carefully and listens intentl,
and hears; the editor remark that il
was beautiful night for a drive, tt
| which the cotillony leader petulantl,
agrees, whereupon the editor inquiries
delicately, for the health Of a lad,
whose first name begins with Helen
and as the cotillon leaders cwife's name
Is Maud, tho latter hastily pushes {
roll Of coarse microbe-infested cur
rency into the editors hand and beg'
him to send three copies Of his forth
coming book to any address he see:
fit. There are many coarse persons
Dtlly, who would perceive a hint o.
something wrong in the transaction
but that is only the low portion o.
their minds acting without thought
The editor is q gentleman and HI
understands at once that his inquiry
was ill-timed and that he was beini
reproved gently, but firmly
Sid he give the money, back, deal
uncle )" inquired little billy. <anxiously
Noe Diliy;eI fear his education hal
been somewhat neglected. q societ,