davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The star. (Reynoldsville, Pa.) 1892-1946, 1906-10-24

A southern clergyman, an inveterate
punster, says that while he is well
aware that puns belong to the lowest
order Of wit he is seldom able to resist
the temptation to make one when op-
portunity offers.
On one occasion after preaching an
eloquent sermon he was met by two
friends, n Of whom began to praise
his discourse in enthusiastic terms.
When he paused for breath the other
man said, with a laugh:
"Well, doctor, can you stand as much
poft soap as thatT'
Indeed l can If there isn't too much
I've in It," returned the minister
quickly.
AT another time he was present at
the marriage reception of a young cou-
pie of tie name of More. The occasion
was somewhat stiff up to the time of
the minister's entrance, and he quickly
discovered the state of affairs.
Madam" he said, with his radiant
smile, addressing the awkward young
bride, how fortunate you arel There
are so few people who can say with
truth, The More l want the More /
have.'"
The laugh which followed put the
company at ease.
The star. (Reynoldsville, Pa.) 1892-1946, 1906-10-24

The barber applied the rich brown
dye with II fine tooth comb, combing it
evenly into the grizzled locks of the
old man.
Hair dye, SIR" he said. plain, N
vanished hair dye is the base of that
absurd fallacy about people turning
gray in a single night.
"If you investigate those yarns you
find that invariably they concern per-
son in prison. Orsini, pining in jail,
had his hair 20 back on him. Marie
Antoinette, languishing in a cell, found
the deep hue of her hair changing to
an ugly gray. Raleigh, imprisoned in
the tower, developed grayish streaks
with incredible speed.
"The secret of all that, my dear, is
this:
These prisoners in order to conceal
their gray hair dyed it, using a poor
sort of dye, one of those sorts that
have to be applied every day or two.
In prison, naturally, they could not get
hold of this dye, and hence their locks
whitened at a miraculous rate. When
people said of them pityingly that
their terror of sorrow had turned
their hair gray in Il single night they
acquiesced themselves in the decep-
ton, for is it not embarrassing leave
it to you, sir, is it not embarrassing
to explain to the world at large that
one uses hair ~dyeT"-St. Louis Globe
Democrat.
The star. (Reynoldsville, Pa.) 1892-1946, 1906-10-24
WATER IN TURKEY.
Must Meet Many Conditions to BE n
Perfect beverage.

Must Meet Many Conditions to BE n
Perfect beverage.
Turks are extremely particular"
writes a traveller, lin regard to the
quality Of the water they drink and
are willing to be at much trouble and
expense to obtain water of the kind
they prefer. To be a perfect beverage
water must issue from a rock, fall from
q height, be of medium temperature,
flow rapidly and copiously, taste sweet,
spring in high and lonely ground and
run from south to north or from east
to west. The excellence of any water
Is accordingly determined by the num-
Der of these conditions it fulflls. 1t is
remarkable how much pleasure Turks
find in visiting a famous spring in the
country, to spend the whole day beside
it under the shade of trees, doing little
else than drink carafe after carafe of
the water as the elixir of life. Resorts
of this description abound on the shores
and in the valleys of the upper Bos-
porus under such names as the Water
VI blle, lne SILVER Nulei' lhe Natei
Under the Chestnut Tree, the Water
Beside the HaZels. The spectacle of
the great gatherings there on Fridays,
arrayed in bridal colors, seated tier
above tier on the terraced platforms
built against the green slope of the
hill, the women above. the men be-
low, all in the deep shade of the
branches meeting overhead. forms a
picture beyond a painters power to re-
produce.-Chicago News.
The star. (Reynoldsville, Pa.) 1892-1946, 1906-10-24
POLICE OF PARIS.
How the Third brigade Spies Upon
the Whole Force.

How the Third brigade Spies Upon
the Whole Force.
Vance Thompson describes in Every
body's the famous Third brigade of
the Paris police, whose business is to
supervise the police. 1t is composed
of an officer de paiX, a principal in
spector, a brigadier, five subbrigadiers
and about seventy-ive picked men.
About half are assigned to watch the
patrolmen. He is a bold policeman
who commits any of the little sins
dear to the patrolman's heart. There
Is hardly a chance that he will not be
detected in time. Reprimand follows,
There is always a long waiting list of
candidates, sound young fellows fresh
from the army, and the city can choose
its new servants among the best.
The other half of the Third brigade
Is engaged in work Of a more typically
Latin kind. 1t investigates all COM
plants made against the patrolmen
by chiefs and citizens, and it main
tains a regular system of espionage
upon the private lives Of all police
e
''This, Of course, is the Latin way
of doing things" writes Mr.. Thomp-
son. Wrong as it may be in principle,
it serves to weed out the men of bad
character and bad habits and bad as
sociations, and it prevents that mon
strous alliance of the police and the
lawbreakers.'
The Third brigade in turn is watch
ed by a smaller body Of detectives,
who report directly to the project of
police.
The star. (Reynoldsville, Pa.) 1892-1946, 1906-10-24
Uncle Peter
BY EDITH M. DOANE

Thomas Coleman, cold, reserved, am
bilious, sat at the head of the heavy
library table. Beside him his pretty,
fashionable wife drummed softly with
her finger tips on the polished mahog-
any and watched her husband sideways
out of her dark, inscrutable eyes.
The other Coleman, Elizabeth, stood
by the window, a letter with a queer
South American postmark in her hand.
"Poor, lonely old man." she said soft
ly. "Listen, Tom. Tn kind of hun
germ for the sight of a face that be-
longs to me- and this-'I jest want to
get acquainted with my own folks
isn't that pathetic?"
81 amt beholden,' she went on,
scanning the letter swiftly. 4 don't ask
no favors, but I'd kind of like to feel
that them that is to have the little
something l leave will have a kindly
feelin' for the old man who scraped it
all together, when he's gone"
She looked up with swift comprehen-
sion at the tense attitude of the other
two. you do not suppose that little
something can be a fortune, do you?"
she said half, ~nervously.
ut might be as WELL" Thomas Cole
man suggested, ito acquire more def
mite information concerning it before
ah-committing ourselves" Thomas
Coleman was II man whom his friends
called ''level headed"
"AIay be nothing in it," he added.
Put If there should be?" suggested
his VIE. still drumming softly on the
polished wood. Only his wife knew
how f~earfullv Thomas Coleman had
been hampered in money matters
lately.
whether there is or not, he has Il
claim upon us" put in Elizabeth, hotly.
Hes a poor, lonely old man-our
fathers brother"
Thomas Coleman raised a remon-
strating lr'lt. BE reasonable, Eliza
beth. We % not know him. 1t is not
to be supposed that we can offer him
The star. (Reynoldsville, Pa.) 1892-1946, 1906-10-24

whoever" says Charles Darwin in
his Voyage of the Beagle" "callcd
Valparaiso the valley of paradise
must have been thinking of Quillota."
Quillota Is a thriving town twenty-six
miles from Valparaiso in a northeast
erly direction. Any person, he de-
%clares, who sees only the country
around Valparaiso, barren Of vegeta-
ton, would never imagine that there
were such picturesque spots in Chile.
"As soon as we reached the brow of
the sierra the valley of Quillota was
Immediately under our feet. The pros
pect was n of remarkable natural
luxurlance. The valley is very broad
and quite fiat and is thus easily irri-
gated in all parts. The little square
gardens are crowded with orange and
olive trees and every sort of vege-
table"
The star. (Reynoldsville, Pa.) 1892-1946, 1906-10-24
~Arithmeticul History.
Lambert.

Mrs. Russell Sage often speaks Of
the days before her marriage, when
she taught school.
In an address that she made last
winter before a charitable society Mrs.
Sage said:
THAT method of giving was not sat
isfactory. was It? So vague and I'M
certain were its results indeed that |
was reminded of the answer that a
pupil Of mine nee made in a history
lesson.
"'How many wars | asked this pu-
pill, did England fight with Spain?'
"'Six,' she answered.
"'SixT said I. 'Enumerate them.
please
lone, two, three, four, five, six
said the little girl."-Philadelphia Bull
letin.
The star. (Reynoldsville, Pa.) 1892-1946, 1906-10-24
DESERT THIRST.
It's Five Phases, Two of Which Mean
Certain Death.

tcrthin Deitn.
Half of the people dying from desert
thirst perish in thirty-six hours, a quar-
ter within forty-eight or fifty hours and
all others of which the history is known
within eighty hours.
The phenomena of desert thirst may
be arranged in three stages-namely,
normal thirst, functional arrangement
II structural degeneration. These
three stages are made up of five phases
the clamorous, cotton mouth phase.
the shriveled tongue, the blood sweat
and the living death. There is hope in
saving the lives Of the victims whose
thirst Is diagnosed in the first three
phases. but for the fourth and fifth
death is certain.
The clamorous phase of desert thirst
may be relieved by water, or in some
instances fruit acids or similar sub
stances. The second, or cotton mouth.
phase should be treated by giving the
victim quarts of water taken in small
sips and flooding his body. Practically
the same treatment may be applied to
the third, or shriveled tongue, phase.
with the addition of a medicine to
counteract the fever and a tonic for the
heart. Water would only prove a
damage in the fourth, or blood sweat,
phase, and even If it were possible to
satisfy the thirst of the victim his
mental condition would never be clear.
Death from thirst is often painless.-
Los Angeles Times.
The star. (Reynoldsville, Pa.) 1892-1946, 1906-10-24

a home Indefinitely unless we receive
some little-ah-remuneration in the
end
"Although it would be in line with
Eliza )eth's quixotic ideas to do So"
said Toms wife. sharply.
Elizabeth was a standing grievance
with her Observation-Disclosures. who
was supremacy Indifferent to the value
of noncy-Elizabeth, tall and straight
and splendid. who preferred II self
supporting life in IL tiny fiat to de-
pendence in her brothers beautiful
home. and who proposed TO throw
herself away on Il fellow whose only
lack was that of money.
She confronted them now indignant
ly. 1T is Il shamew she flashed, look
ing like an enraged princess, with her
flaming cheeks and heavy. rel gold
hair. "A lonely old man begs for
affection. lie freely offers us all he
has. BE it muci or little, it is al. In
return you weigh and appraise and
calculate. Oh she broke off, Il am
ashamed of you. Let us make him hon
estly welcome, whatever he brings"
And in that first day, while the
others held aloof, it was Elizabeth
who, in warm hearted, %impulsive fash
ion welcomed the little old man en-
veloped in a shaggy greatcoat, who
regarded his Town folks" with shrewd
blue eyes which looked out rather
J wistfully from under the shaggy
brOws.
On the second day Uncle Peter ap-
preached Thomas Coleman.
"Some mornin' when it's convenient
! I'd like to go downtown with you. l
want to find Willie Moore's Office" he
added upologetically.
Thomas Coleman looked up quickly.
"William T. Moore, the lawyer"
! The old man nodded. willie Moore's
/ father and me was boys together, and
1 always had considerable confidence
in Willie. I've got a few papers I'd
kinder like him to keep" he added.
The few papers turned out to be So
100000 worth of shares in the I'll Jua-
rez gold mines.
Uncle Peters welcome was assured.
For six months he was the recipient
of every attention which the solicitude
of his beloved and happily surprised
nepbew and his wife could devise;
The star. (Reynoldsville, Pa.) 1892-1946, 1906-10-24
According to Contract.

A mar who was very misery hoard
ed up his stacks of hay year after year
in the hope of making double the price
he was offered for them. A well known
hay and straw buyer in the district one
day asked the price Of a stack. An
enormous price was asked, which the
buyer accepted.
How about the terms of settle
ment?" asked the old miser.
"Well you see," said the buyer, "my
terms are TO settle when I fetch the
last load away"
THAT'S a bargain" said the miser.
slapping the others hand. The old
chap watched every load go away ex-
cept the last, and that the buyer never
did fetch away.-London Standard.
The star. (Reynoldsville, Pa.) 1892-1946, 1906-10-24
then, one day, like a bolt from a clear
sky, the storm burst.

then, one day, like a bolt from a clear
sky, the storm burst.
The Ell Juarez mines were flooded!
The rumor started in the Mining Ex-
change when stock that had been $3.50
was quoted at $25 n share; then the
reporters got it and the journals
Haunted great headlines of Panic In
Wall Street." "El Juarez Mines Flood
ed" Later the report was confirmed,
and by 3 o'clock the shares of the Ell
Juarez mines were not V '"th the paper
on which they were wri,. i.
The old man to whom the mines had
been a lifelong companion stared des-
perately at the Haunting headlines,
then, covering his face with his rough,
worn hand, gave way TO his grief with
the abandon of a child.
Them mines was jest like my own
child" he sobbed. Il knOwed they
wasn't actin up jest right when | left
'em, but | never suspicioned they'd
fetch up where they hev," and again
tears flowed mrestrainedly down the
furrowed cheeks.
Disappointed, imbittered, almost mad
dened by the loss Of sorely needed
wealth just within his grasp, Thomas
Coleman broke the silence.
Don't worry" he said coldly. "You
are not too old yet to find some suit
able employment"
Uncle Peter looked up in astonish-
ment. then as the meaning of the cruel
words dawned upon him his face went
suddenly and pitifully white.
Il kinder thought if l was ever in
trouble l could depend IN my own
folks" The old voice Quavered pite-
ously as the curtains parted and Eliza
beth entered the room. Sweeping past
the Others, she took the oil mans
hands in her young ones.
Il have come to take you home with
me- size said simply.
But the Mines" he said unsteadily.
"Never mind. There isn't much room
in my little fat, but there's Il loving
welcome, and soon"-she blushed hap
pily-'there will be Il little house in
the SUI urbs."
But how about that young Teller
you're goin' TO marry| questioned the
old man doubtfully.
HE told me to come for YOU" an
swered Elizabeth. with proud, happy
eyes.
The old man rose and, still holding
Elizabeth's hand, faced Thomas Cole
man and his wife.
You said | wasn't too old to find
suitable employment" he said, "andsI
amt. I've found it. I'm goin' to buy
that house out in the suburbs, and it
won't be no little one, either. An I'm
goin' to set the young Teller UP in
whatever business he wants to be set
up in, an, what's more, I'm goin' to
give Elizabeth a million dollars in gov
eminent bonds fer her weddin' gift. |
amt through with the other million
yet, but when | am she an her chill
dren gifts it. My money want in them
mines. | told Willie Moore how they
wuz actin up, an he took it out fer
hS '-hVN hhOithS aSo' 1 uLh uehyih
/ felt bad about 'em, but 'tWarn't the
money | wuz thinkin' Of.
NO" he repeated, II warn't thinkin'
of the money, an'"-he patted her
hand lovingly-'neither wuz Elizabeth,
but" he added slowly, with a shrewd
glance at Thomas Co,eMan's white,
bafied face, lit kinder looks as though
there's others that wuz."
The star. (Reynoldsville, Pa.) 1892-1946, 1906-10-24
THE FRENCH HUSBAND.
Always, nv a Rule, Anxious to Do the
Agreeable Thing.

hSfeehbie ihinB.
The French husband has a faculty
that amounts almost to a genius for
bestowing the delicate attentions
which cost little except the exercise
of a modicum of tact and t%houghtful-
ness, but which carry JOY to every
true woman's heart. He not only
thinks to take home to her often lin
the absence of the means to make q
larger offering) a ten cen bunch of
%violets, pinks or roses from the flower
market or the itinerant flower vender's
barrow ON his route, but he presents
them CALAMITY with the compliment
and the caress the occasion calls for,
and this makes them confer a pleasure
out of all proportion to their intrinsic
worth.
He remembers her birthday or fete
day with a potted plant, a bit of game,
a boz of bonbons, a cake from the pas
try cooks or a bottle of good wine.
He is m~arvelously fertile in expedients
for making the time pass quickly and
agreeably for her. He has a thousand
amusing and successful devices for
helping her to enew her youth. He
projects unique and joyous Sunday
and holiday excursions. He i%mprovlses
dainty little banquets. He is a past
master especially in the art of c%onjur-
ing up amiable mysteries and prepar-
ing charming little surprises. And in
all these trivial enterprises he vindi-
Gates the old French theory that true
courtesy consists in taking a certain
amount of pains to so order our words
and our manners that others 'be con-
tent with us and with themselves"
The American husband is particular
ly solicitous to do the proper thing;
the French husband to do the agree
able thing.-lndependent.
The star. (Reynoldsville, Pa.) 1892-1946, 1906-10-24

1t is a mistake to suppose that cold
drinks are necessary to relieve thirst.
Very cold drinks, as a rule, increase
the feverish condition Of the mouth
and stomach and so create thirst. Elk
p%erience shows 1t to be a fact that hot
drinks relieve the thirst and cool off
the body when it is in an abnOrmally
heated condition better than ice cold
drinks. 1t is far better and safer to
avoid the use of drinks below 60 de-
grees. In fact, a higher temperature is
to be preferred, and those who are
much troubled with thirst will do well
to try the advantages to be derived
from hot drinks instead of cold fluids,
to which they have been accustomed.
Hot drinks also have the advantage
Of aiding digestion instead of causing
debility of the stomach and bowels.
The star. (Reynoldsville, Pa.) 1892-1946, 1906-10-24

The crown prince of Germany had
as a child a great dislike of being
washed. The emperor tried various
means to cure him, and he at last hit
on the right one. The young prince
came running to him one day in a
great rage, saying the sentry had not
saluted him as he passed.
"To be sure" said the emperor. 81
gave orders they were not to salute a
dirty prince, but only a clean one"
The child's pride was hurt, and he took
to the bath.
The star. (Reynoldsville, Pa.) 1892-1946, 1906-10-24

American political orators are often
charged with being unduly harsh to
the other side. The following extract
from a speech of the late Earl of
Shaftesbury, published in his memoirs.
shows that if our stump speakers ex-
hibit harshness they come honestly by
it. The noble earl thus described and
%prophesied: when Gladstone runs
down a steep place, his immense ma
jority, like the pigs in Scripture, but
hoping for a better issue, will go with
him, roaring in grunts of exultation.'
Boston Transcript.
The star. (Reynoldsville, Pa.) 1892-1946, 1906-10-24
WINDSOR HOTEL,
CHARTER NOTICE.

Notice is hereby given that an application
will be made to the governor of Pennsylvania
on Friday, November 9Th, 1906, by john w.
Dawson, II. Alex Stoke and W. II. Moore, un-
der the act of Assembly, entitled AN act to
provide for the INCORPORATION and regulation
of certain corporations" approved ADril Nth
1874, and the supplements thereto, for the
charter OF an intended corporation to be
called the Reyncldsille Amusement Comp
any the character and object of which is
erecting and maintaining an Opera House
and a place of entertainment and amuse-
ment, and for these purposes TO nave. DOS
sess and enjoy all the rights, bene-
fits and privileges OF said act of assembly and
supplements thereto.
q. M. MCDONALD, Solicitor.
The star. (Reynoldsville, Pa.) 1892-1946, 1906-10-24

YES" said Bragg, 1--WE decided to
have a long talk with the boss and tell
him just what l think"
us 1t possible?" replied Knox.
"Why, don't you believe I've got the
nerve to tell him what l thinkT"
"Oh, yes! But if you tell him just
what you think how are you going to
have a long talk ?'-Catholic Standard
and Times.
The star. (Reynoldsville, Pa.) 1892-1946, 1906-10-24
A Counter Irritant.

Have you made arrangements to
prevent fraud in the electionT'
NO" answered Senator Sorghum.
Il couldn't quite manage that, but I've
done the next best thing to defeat the
opposition's inquiry. I've made ar
rangements thatIl make their fraud SO
insignificant by comparison that it
won't be noticed Washington Star.
The star. (Reynoldsville, Pa.) 1892-1946, 1906-10-24
NOah's Advantage.

Mrs. Noah was complaining that her
clothes looked as If they had come out
Of the ark.
"On the contrary" returned her
spouse "they have just come across
the water"
Herewith he congratulated himself
on the ~cheapness of imported gowns
New York Sun.
The star. (Reynoldsville, Pa.) 1892-1946, 1906-10-24
Taking In the Coin.

Talking about Inventions" said the
business man, II have a little machine
in my place that would make mi a mil
lionaire If | could only keep it going all
the time"
what is itY'
"A cash register Philadelphia
Ledger.
The star. (Reynoldsville, Pa.) 1892-1946, 1906-10-24

The church was packed, wen the
aisles lined with chairs. Just before
the benediction the thoughtful clergy
man, who loved order as he did the
gospel. thus admonished his hearers:
"In passing out please remain seated
until the ushers have removed the
chairs from the sles."-Lippincott's
Magazine.
The star. (Reynoldsville, Pa.) 1892-1946, 1906-10-24
A Way to Raise None,

Physicians Wife, need a new even
ing dress.
Physician-All right, my dear. I'll
look over my list and find some fellow
who can afford an operation for ap-
pendicitis.-Boston Transcript.
The star. (Reynoldsville, Pa.) 1892-1946, 1906-10-24

An Englishman tells the story Of a
boy who saw an exceedingly bowleg-
ged man standing in front Of a hot fire.
Finally.he could restrain himself no
longer and said, "Hey, mister, you'd
better get away from there; you'se
warpin'."
The star. (Reynoldsville, Pa.) 1892-1946, 1906-10-24
Haw, Haw!

Larry-'Twas tn funniest joke OF
liver hur-rud in all me born days.
Faith, OF laughed all day long.
D~enny-Yez did?
Larry-Yis. livery bone In me body
The star. (Reynoldsville, Pa.) 1892-1946, 1906-10-24
No More.

DO you believe that disease germs
are transmitted by kissesT'
II don't think they are"
That young man who came to see
me last night has a theory that they
are"
Don't you believe it. He was just
lying to you to keep you from kissing
him good night."-Houston Post.
The star. (Reynoldsville, Pa.) 1892-1946, 1906-10-24

De Style-At last we are in our own
little home. I suppose the first thing
{ must get you is a good cookbook.
Mrs. De Style (wife Of a week)-No-
er-you'd better get me a strong can
opener.-New York Press.
The star. (Reynoldsville, Pa.) 1892-1946, 1906-10-24
A Prnsnective SINH.

Edith-You would hardly know Bob
bic since he got back from Europe. He
lost all his money there, and
Ethel--Hardly know him! Why, l
shan't know him at all!-Detroit Free
Press.
The star. (Reynoldsville, Pa.) 1892-1946, 1906-10-24

Man often feels himself independent
Of all the earth. but let the sunshine
and rain fail for a little while and he
realizes how meanly dependent he is
Salisbury Democrat.
The star. (Reynoldsville, Pa.) 1892-1946, 1906-10-24
POIiteness.

The greatest thing in the world is
politeness. And no schooling is nee
essary to be agreeable. Simply have
a little consideration for others and be
quiet and modest.-Atchison Globe.
The star. (Reynoldsville, Pa.) 1892-1946, 1906-10-24
UsunI Thing.

what Is 1t a sign Of" asked the in
nocent maid, when a young man be-
gins to tell a girl his troubles"
Its a sign that he will soon ask her
to share them,' answered the pretty
widow.-Judge.