The Washington herald., 1906-12-09
Messages Inv TeIephone

The evening was enlivened by telephone
conversations conducted by a member
who found a telephone at his place at the
table. and was constantly interrupted by
the ringing of the bell
The printer Of the menu book called up
in great haste to say that inadvertently
several of the wise sayings had been
omitted, and he related them so those
present could know them. Two or
three OF these were:
Strauss knows which way the wind blows
herd in the is worth two on the hoof.
A line that was greeted with uproarious
laughter:
Taft and the world Tsfts with you, Root and you
Root alone
The Interstate Commerce Commission
called up to serve notice that restrain
ing order had been secured against the
club forbidding the club to allow two OF
its guests, E. II. Hartman and Stuyve-
SAINT Fish, to mix it until the commission
was through with them At the instance
of a group of reporters supposed to be
outside in the lobby of the hotel, Tim
Othy L. Woodruff. chairman Of the New
York State Republican committee. was
called to his feet and asked the very en-
barrassing question: DO you expect 10
be the new United States Senator from
New York. and when?"
Secretary Root, who was not able TO
attend the dinner. called on the telephone
to caution David r. Francis. Of Missouri.
not to take Roots nomination Of Francis
for President too seriously. for" the
telephone man reported to the diners, I
nominated Taft in Cincinnati. also"
There was an inquiry as to whether
Frank Vanderlip Milton E. Allies and
Charles G. Dawes, all formerly with the
Treasury Department, but now in the
banking business, were at the dinner, and
whether they were working at the Treas
ury now
No" said the telephone man.
Well" came back from the inquirer.
there must be some mistake about that.
How is it possible to run the Treasury
without them?"
The telephone inquiry also revealed the
fact that John W. Gates and his son,
Charles 6. Gates, were both there
Has Gates been doing any betting?'
was asked.
The inquirer was told that Gates had
not been seen betting Probably" he
was informed, because Gates has his son
with him and doesn't want the boy TO
know about his proclivities."
Huh" the inquirer was reported to
have said; "the reason Gates carries his
son with him is so he can bet with the
boy and the money won't get out Of the
family IL he loses"
There was an inquiry for Jean l. Burn
EFT, OF Canandalgua, New York, chair
man Of the cites committee in the New
York assembly. "Canandaigua ?' said the
telephone man. What on earth is Can
andaigua2 A breakfast food. a brand of
smoking tobacco, or a disease2' He was
told that Canandaigua is a village. and
/ Immediately asked why Mr. Burnett was
called. oh" said the inquirer. for no
particular reason except that Mr.. Burn
EFT told me to ring UP along about the
middle Of the dinner
4 StnbIe Government in Cuba.
Then there was an act in which Secre-
tary Taft-or rather a member OF the
club, who looked ike Mr.. Taft-came in.
bearing a large and apparently red-hot
stove. This is the Cuban situation" he
/ explained, as he put down his burden,
''and am going TO leave it on the steps
of the White House
Unless all the battle ships are out of
/ commission" replied President Fearn.
the chances are you viii not find any
body at home The point Of this remark
struck President Roosevelts funny bone
all of heap.
Well, after some more persihage, it was
/ decided that the only person who could
/ sit on the lid in Cuba was Judge Magoon,
and a hefty club member impersonated
that monumental statesman. a noisy
crowd OF Cubans forthwith appeared
4 What do you want?'' somebody asked
/ them. We want what we want when
we want it, so that when we get It we
/ shan't want it, was the Cubanesque re-
ply.
/ a suggestion to disband the Cuban
/ army because it was brunette not being
1 considered advisable, and 1t being i'm
4 possible TO send It 10 separate schools. Ger
tain officials were appointed TO help Judge
Magoon in the job OF governing Cuba.
There was William r Hearst. who was
made governor of Cuba because he
could not be made governor of any other
place; Representative Wadsworth, who
was made Secretary of Agriculture be-
/ cause every farmer in his district voted