The new age., 1906-11-03

~N~-~~N~NNN-N-NIONON<
"What is a practical joker" "One
that you can sell for dollar and buy
bread with lt"-Judge.
Mrs. Skinnum-Why are you all hid
Ing from Tommy? Little Lizzie-Tom-
my is the butcher come with his BILL
Philadelphia Record.
"That young widow says she Is go
Ing to break her husbands will" Il
thought she did that & IN after they
were married. ed."-Baltlmor American.
In New York.-"Can't you think Of
some unusual thing to do tonight
"We might spend the evening at home"
Life.
'That man never uses money in his
campaigns" "No," answered Senator
Sorghum, "he merely makes promises.
He uses credit instead of cash.
Washington Star.
The Parson-When became a min
lister, gave up playing the piano. The
Elder-Then you became an expounder
In a double sense Of the word, didn't
you?-Yonkers Statesman.
Cholly-I thought perhaps you had a
preference for Bobby Jones2 Mildred
Nonsense! You are just as welcome
here as he is. Why, he is the most In
sufferable bore l knOw.-Judge.
why don't you get { automobile"
"My dear SIR" was the answer, Il
don't need it. / have dog, three life
insurance policies and a boil. l have
trouble ough."-Washingt Star.
Cicely-Why don't you learn to
swim? Murlel-There Is no one to
teach me. Cicely-How about the boys3
Muriel-Oh, they've all taught me be-
fore; different summers you know
Brooklyn Life.
Gladys (at the seashore)-Are you
having as many proposals as you had
last season? Mayme (wearily)-Oh,
yes, but they are all from the same
men 1 was engaged to last summer
Detroit Free Press.
But" protested the pert young
housewife, you ought to take OF some
thing for the holes in these doughnuts."
every well, madam" replies the wise
baker; "I'll allow you one cent each
for the holes when you return them.
Chicago Daily News.
what" asked the sweet girl grad
nate, was the happiest moment OF
your lifeT '@The happiest moment OF
my life," answered the old bachelor,
was when the jeweler took back the
engagement ring and gave me collar
buttons In exchange. Chicago News.
Mrs. Windfall-Just imagine, Hiraml
One of the sailors told me that this
boat is now in communication with her
sister ship 1 wonder what the con-
versation Is abOutH Mr.. Windfall-
Humph! Most likely each Is asking
the other If her cargo is on straight
Puck.
81 presume, SIR" began the young
man, timidly, "that you will consider 1t
very presumptuous for ffty-dollar
railroad clerk to apply for your daugh-
ter's hand In marriage" "NOt at all,
my boy" responded Senator Slickguy,
kindly. 81 dare say your side CRAFTS
are quite remunerative."
Don't you object to your husbands
poker playing?" Goodness, no! like
it. You see he always plays with Mr..
Jones, and Mrs. Jones and l are
friends. If Mr.. Jones wins she takes
the money away from him and divides
with me. II my husband wins divide
with her.-Cleveland Leader.
The two young men reached the door
at the same time. "Is Miss Swelling
ton inT" they asked. The maid, Norah,
looked at them and shook her head dis
consolately. "She's In to wan av ye
an out to tn other" she said at last;
"but tn two av We coming together has
got me so tangled Ohm blest If OF
know which Is which. But come roight
In both av We, an OPll ak her to come
down an pick ye out"-Judge.
What's In q Name?-An Irish SOL
dier In a local regiment during the late
war arrived at camp late one night He
was challenged with the usual, "Who
goes thereP After pondering few mo-
/ ments. and the challenge being repeat
ed. and thinking he might avoid pun
,shment, he answered: Kitchener" He
was Immediately knocked down with
tho butt end Of rife. While he was
ON the ground ruefully rubbing his
head. the sentry exclaimed: "Why, It's
I CallaghanI What did ye say 1t was
Kitchener forT "Shure," came the an
swer. "when ye would do this to Kitch-
aner. phwat you'd ye do to CallaghanT