The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1906-04-01

HI o. I amt never married. none,
NJ said Professor Gogglns. regretful-
~. nor do I reckon It's all my
fault, nuther. Alters, since KID I've
been Dustin with admiration for the Fee
FINALE Sect-all of EN- look good to me;
-, I have courted steady, with a con-
ience void of offense, with malice to-
lfds none and affection to ards all, with
aighty little results down to the pres
mt time. Gals is eelusive, they amt
Jar when you reach out TO git EN-.
nrnejetly in front of you stands a al
rim. rosy vision Of eighteen year old
alden. weighin one numbered and fif-
en- pound, jess honIn' for you to clasp
er to your heayin' bosom; but when
5u rip the baek-seams OF your Prince
fll~rt reaching for her, the fingers close
n nothin but plain Alabama air. Ma
Aur has manufactured gals thataway.
s When a man amt anxious to annex fe-
hale, then she gifts after the man; when
Us vice-versey then its the other way
Ten and winning is like hens and
oosters-it 'ud skeer Rooster to death
a hen took after him
nave put III II IiBl III Siii1A NhtA''SN
*bf time chasin' all sorts of petticoats;
maxim love to a miscellaneous assort-
&nent of virgins, some of EN- beauts
from the head warters, and uthers not
Ssich dreams of loneliness, but right at
the very time when l thort had dead
zthipg of 1t, in a matrimonial way suthin
always caused me to make some break
that resulted In Dustin the contemplated
fs ;,,ta I'd
=bbleager and besiege a young feemale for
Esfx weeks or more, and then sh'd up, and
Escorn me, because | licked a Teller who
swas wantln' to hang aroun' her-or I'd
be at a picnic a tryin' to pop the ques-
=ion to some bloomin' damsel. when
#iog-fight nd attract my attenshun, or
r. boss I'D run away, or some other
Blame untoward occurrence would lope
#n between me and my gal-fnully ] got
Tsorter superstshus and concluded that
Divine Providence was protectin' the
'Feemale Sect agin me, and that | was
barkin' at a knot so ! jess quit, and let
VI go at that.
I'm the prime of my early manhood l
was dead stuck on old Bill Preston's gal,
over on Harikin. She was one Of these
here comfortable, rosy creeters, all jol-
lity and dimpes. Had muscle on her, too
10 beat the band. She could dance every
81 ali hight ipHkv anu llllh iONs htAh
mornin! She was onto all the curves in
the distllin line an could make a run
OF corn liltker heap quicker and better
than her daddy. For two years | courted
her. and we got along as peaceful as two
pups IN a basket, tho she done all the
talkin', cos | was awful bashful and shy.
Every singing, Unfair, quiltin picnic
and finger-chawin', as these yere CONVEX
Hashun parties Isl called, found me and
Nellie Preston there, an settin' the fash
Ion. 1 alters was fashionable and moren
up with the styles. Fact is / fust set
the fashion of wearin' shoes to parties
over on HarrilSn. At the start-off this
startling innovation was resented by the
youth of that settlement and had
hke several severe .lambastin under
head of putin ON too much dog. but
ticks to the brogans as the latest Paris
telty and before long, wearin shoes
IS mighty nigh as general a custom,
Yer on HarrilSin. as drinSin' whisky.
'Melie was as heightened in her MILL
yery as / was in my haberdashery, tho
bhe didn't pear TO alters have the SAME
success in interjucn' modsh effects.
Once, over at bran dance In the Greasy
Cove nayberhood. MelkfI1nned lot of
virgins VIII contrapshun
tho called a hustle Y4/his dingus caused
The human form divine to obtrude itself
eighty vivid in spots. 1t required a