The Birmingham age-herald., 1906-02-18

shuclSin, and on my arrival I distributed the rudments of a education around where they'd come handy, which imple- ments of Hatchett Creek larnin' consist ed of a bulldog pistol. one ten-gage Greener. double-barrel shotgun, one par handcuffs. one large size wolf-trap, one pair adult brass knucks, and a four pound slung shot. Along with the arsenal was deposited a assortment of six foot nick ory sprouts, and a heart-pine clapboard.
 T assoomed the chair and delivered oration to them insurgents, advis' em to go slow and cease maintainin' their sass, or I'd be likely to get some hectic and stretch few of 'em for luck; like wise layin' down a few rules for their condick, and promisin' plumb emphatic. that I'd crawl the hump of the first Reub that transgressed them flats.
 "A husky boy name O'Bill Feathergill was the leader of these yere riots, which this same Bill counted his'sef as much of man, bein short, butt-cut of a chap, with a under-jaw shaped like a turin blow, and bein' game as badgers, and bad. When I had finished declaim- in to them purblind tarrapins, this yere Bill boils into the atmosphere with a hawl same as a yard dog, and come at me like a harrilxin. l swarms all over that Feathergll student, plays hoss on his person, and bungs him up, scandalus, quicker than hades could scorch feath- CT. And when l put the finishin touches on them loocubrations his highest reela- tions wouldn't have known Bill without a introduction. Then I sot in and thrashed the remainder of the male by-standers while I had my hand in. It shore was a vivid ruction, and some busy, and I come mighty near givin' myself writers cramp by usn' my right arm so much that mornin' I certinglee did graze the pint of leavin' that school a howlin waste. l decimated 1t a whole lot. and r-meetins was riots to it after l had rectifed it so unanimous.
 When the toomult had sorter sub sided I notifies the mob o1 yearlln's that while I lothes myself for chawing the mane of a gang of dead-easy imbeciles like they is, that I expects to deal the same game each mornn' during the con- tinuances of hostilites, and that I us- ually deals for blood. so they might as well prepar' the sselves for a great gob of sudden and painful visisitoods. Finul- ly I spanks some of the little shavers wln the clapboard, and santers foath from the school house hummin' a jocund lay known on the operatic stage as 'Siftin' Sand" and a pintin out to find a boarding house.
 "Thencefoath a Sabbath-like cam and heavenly peace pervaded that scholastic institution, and no gad was essen shul excep at long intervals when yearlin' would get a leetle gay. and have to be curried down with young saplin.
 ''The school master makes his deboo as a star boarder over at the home of old Pennington Marchand's, an old duck of a fellow whose forbears was French. His wife. Aunt Rene Marchand, could rustic more good grub than anybody in the beat and their daughter, Randie Marchand, was jess simply poem. They didn't have no boy chiPlun, but Randie more'n made up for that. She was a six-mule team, with red wagon, and a big dog with a bokay tied to his tail under said wagon. Had more hustle and snap and vim. and devlment in her than ten boys, and as a good locker she could go the limit. Actooally that maiden was human sunfiower.
 'T aint never seen no angel, and reckon no well organized angel would visit Peckerwood beat for obvious reas- ons, but if any purifier vision than Ran die sh'ud happen to light down in this section anywhures nigh. the undersigned
 ud hit the high places in the scenery mighty fervid tryin to git to her. She had brown eyes and red hair, skin white as a dog-wood blossom, and heavenly freckles mixed in with a lot of dimples When she smiled it reminded you of clear water runnin over white sand, and her laf simply made a plumb eediot of the feller that was listenin.' Her voice was soft and low, with a little coo in it, same as the call of partridge to its mate.