The evening times. [volume] (Grand Forks, N.D.) 1906-1914, 1906-10-01
NY BURGLAR.
Being an Account Of the Useful Side
OF . Calling Which. IN This Case,
Yielded Little,


| had always wondered how II
would seem to wake up in the Silly
night and suddenly confront bur-
glar going through the drawers of
the dresser, or attempting to extract
revenue from a pair OF trousers that
never. even in flush times, contained
more than street car fare. | am GER
tain that no man has less cause to
fear an attempt at burglary than |
have.
do not believe in keeping any
quantity OF money about the house:
1t is fool-hardy and unsafe. As soon
as we get any money ahead my wife
and | always look around for Il Judi
cious investment.
We usually invest the bulk of it in
groceries, and lay the remainder out
for house rent. Yet know OF no
house that could be more successfully
burglarized than ours. nor one that
would pan out less to the square foot
OF bulk
l had always thought that il l
should be called during the small
hours in the back part OF the night
| would do it in a pleasant off-hand
manner. l would insist on his not
doing bungling job If there is any
thing | hate to see it is poor work
manship. If | am to be burglarized
! want to be robbed in Il thorough and
systematic manner. by a man who UNI
derstands his business and has
reputation to sustain.
Consequently, when awoke a few
nights ago and saw q man going
through the contents of the bureau
drawers | felt that at last the crucial
moment had arrived-at least | was
to come face to face with real bur-
glar.
He was standing with his back to
me and raised up and looked him
over. was disappointed in him. He
was cheap-looking. lowbrowed fe:-
low. reasoned that his work was
light. clean and sufficiently lucrative
to enable him at least to dress like A
gentleman.
! felt hurt and veNed that this veal,
chinned individual should break into
my house. did not like to be thrown
into contact with him. l felt that his
early training must have been sadly
neglected. and that We could, have
nothing in common which would be
likely to make a meeting profitable OF
congenial to either of us.
Still. since chance in the shape of
a burglars jimmy had thrown us to-
together, l felt that must at least
be civil toward him. Some men might
have in moment OF haste sprung up
and broke the slop jar over his head.
have heard OF persons trying this
and never living to regret it. felt
% +, Let
offense at any action on my part. so
| leaned over and asked him if he was
a burglar. and if | could be of any as
sistance to him in any way.
He faced about and turned six
chambered burglars code Oh laws on
ME and remarked:
When l gets through here you'll
think am burglar fast 'nough, and
if you don't keep quiet I'll splinter
your block"
Why, my man." I remarked, not
needing his buster, your intrusion
will not discomfort me in the least; in
fact. it is matter of pleasure and
satisfaction. None of your profess
sion has ever complimented me by
supposing that l had anything worth
taking risk on! that is why l was
afraid you might be an amateur"
Say. now said my guest. will
you lay there quiet and not try any
tricks on me, or shall tie you to
the radiator while tap the crib?"
If you don't care to have me assist
you I'll lie right here and if you find
anything wish you would come back
and tell me. have never been able to
find any valuables in this house, and
if you can locate any Ill write you a
testimonial that ought to boom your
business and get you a good practice"
He left, locking the door after him.
and | heard him rummaging through
the lower part of the house. In about
half an hour he came back. He
looked sullen and disappointed, and |
felt sorry for him.
Say, look here" said he. You've
got to she'll out. You've got your
sugar hid somewhere. l have gone
through your clothes and everything
in the house, and haven't even found
pocketbook yet"
You might look around here for
two months and not find one. The
fact is my wife went through me just
two days ahead of you. She is out
in the country now visiting her cous-
in. Ii you are hungry you will find
some cheese and crackers down in the
kitchen. | am sorry l am not stocked
up for burglars. There is no money
in the house except 1872 pennies in
that toy bank over there; it belongs
to the boy, but you might as we'll take
it; it will get broken into with
Ratchet on Christmas anyhow"
My burglar had the good sense to
appreciate the situation and departed
as quietly as he had come, evidently
broken-hearted man.
The next morning by judicious use
of a neighbours telephone l had the
chief of police, three officers and a
squad of reporters around our house
before sun up.
l showed them how in the quiet
hours some nocturnal desperate had
wantonly broken into my peaceful
home and completely sacked the
house. All the family plate, my wife's
jewels and our rare curios were all
not only missing, but totally gone.
got my name in all the papers.
Even journals that had refused my
manuscripts time and again now de-
voted column in telling of my great
loss. The grocer extended my credit
indefinitely, many friends offered to
lend me money, and everything began
n. I...S -