The Farmington times. (Farmington, St. Francois County, Mo.) 1905-1926, 1906-06-22
Uncle Bertragn's
Citrate
By SFSXRLKANA
tCopyrighL By Joseph B. Bowies }

and Wo--mOther, constance, George |
and certainly did not want one. But
1t was no use. Uncle had made up his
mind TO It and nothing would have
stopped him. 1t was one OF his new
fads.
must tell you that mother is n
widow, and, with US, keeps house for
our bachelor uncle. AS long as can
remember, the rectory had been our
home.
We alI-except Constance, who is
Just II and sentlmental-tried the
usual amount OF arguments, and we all.
of course, failed, as we usually did
when Uncle Bertram was bent upon
some new scheme But the shadow OF
this latest fad hung over our heads
with unusual heayincss; and when the
following advertisement appeared In
the leading church paper we felt that
the new trouble was indeed upon us:
Wanted, by a country rector, a
young curate. No objection to one
fresh from the university to whom
title might be given. Broadminded
preferred. Offered: board and resi-
dence in charming old rectory, with
small salary. Dry, bracing climate.
Plenty OF spare time could be guaran'
tced. Tennis, golf, boating bathing,
hockey, bicycling, riding, driving, mo-
toring, and the use of stables"
uncle had no less than 30 replies to
his advertisement Oh! those replies!
Some OF them were worth keeping.
After much consideration uncle weed
ed them down to five. And then the
fun began.
The five selected candidates were
each requested to come, in turn, to
have a personal interview; and as we
are ten miles from the nearest railway
station. we had to put each of them up
for the night.
The first MIR. Loyelace, n delicate,
pcetical-looEing man, arrived on a bit
ter}y cold day. After the ten miles in
our pony cart, with Nebuchadnezzar in
a stubborn mood, Mr.. Lovelace pre-
scented Il lcrlorn appearance indeed. /
was sure that Uncle Bertram had
tried his best to be CHEEKY and equally
sure that he failed signally all along
thn way.
All" ne said, as he brought his
drDnched victim into the hall, now
that we're home at last. Mr.. Lovelace,
all the trials OF the journey will be for
gotten"
We were all in the hall and Con-
stance looked cOmpassiOnately at the
haf-druwncd man, who rolled his eyes
towards hers MS though he deserted in
them the only kindred spirit, Mother
said she hoped he had not taken cold,
that she had ordered fire In his bed
room and that tea would be ready
soon.
After he had become few degrees
les cold and u few shades less blue,
Of q given signal-a cough from I'm
Gle Bcrtram-we all left the drawing.
room. that the rector and his select
ed candidate might be alone.
never heard exactly what passed
between them, but after about an hour
md 4 half uncle came out of the draw
ing room, excited and rather cross
and said to mother in the dining room:
mir. LoveIacc has taken chill and
will retire to his room ut once. He
would like a small quantity of quaker
oats, some sweet spirits of nitre, and
hot water bottle.
Then he returned 10 the drawing
room, left the door open and said to
Mr.. Loyclace: There is n very good
express train early in the morning. ant
no doubt. with this chill, you will be
glad to get back to your aunt in Lon
don as soon as possible"
Uncle, nothing daunted, speedily ar
ranged for the next man, Mr.. Robir
from Nottingham, to come on approval
The fates were kinder to him, mas
much rs he arrived on fine warn
day, and Nebuchadnezzar, driven b!
Geurge-the only person who can make
him cocaine home in his best style
Uncle, who hates monotony, had thi'
time arranged quite different plan o
campaign.
Tea was sent in for them in thu
study and Constance Ohough for tina
matter all of us. but Constance espe
cially), for obvious reasons was KEEP
out Of the way as much as possible.
However. we cleaned a good dea
about Mr.. Robin from George, who ha
not wasted the opportunities afforde
by ten miles drive.
Hes a bounder." said George, AN
can't possibly do. His chief reason 70
replying to the advertisement was tina
he might live in a rectory."
Mother - poor mother - said sh
hoped he had been vaccirated an
wished she had not given him the bes
spare room.
The atmosphere seemed charge
with possibilities. and we wondere
how long Uncle Bertram would kee
him bottle up In the study. After
time our patience and curiosity wer
relieved, fer when uncle came to us
saw by his face mat the mans fat
was decreed; and although we wer
sorry for him at first, all pity left u
when, at the evening meal. he said:
w,ndar ~ | might have droD {