davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The weekly register. [volume] (Point Pleasant, Va. [W. Va.]) 1862-1909, 1906-05-30
QUEER ENGLISH LAWS.
Tho Acts of Parliament Abound With
Absurdities.

Absurdities.
The British parliament can abol-
ish any institution in the country
the throne, the church, the courts
of justice-and can even extinguish
itself. at ctn do anything" said
Lord Palmerston when prime minis
ter, ''but turn man into woman
or a woman into man" But, adds
writer in the Grand Magazine, it
is often unable to "make sense" of
the statutes in which it embodies its
authority.
One of the ludicrous enactments
to be found in acts of parliament is
the statute for the rebuilding of
Chelmsford Jail. The bill as orig
inally drafted provided that prison
| ers should be confined in the old jail
until the new one was built. But in
committee clause was added to the
effect that the new prison should be
constructed out of the materials of
the old, and the bill became law
before anybody detected this glazing
absurdity.
Then there is the 'ifty-second of
George IL, chapter 1876" which en-
acts that the penalty imposed under
it shall be given half to the king
and half to the poor of the parish.
After the act had been passed it was
discovered that the penalty which
the act provides is transportation
for fourteen years. The first inten-
ton was that the penalty should be
fine of $500. On second thought
parliament substituted a term of
penal servitude, but it forgot to
omit the clause providing for the
division of the spoils between the
king and his INDECENT subjects.
Again, the Darlington improve
ment act of 1872 has definition"
which it would puzzle the most as
tute lawyer to explain. 1t reads,
E'The term new building means
any building pulled or burned to or
within ten feet of the surface of the
adjoining ground"
Such mistakes are due to clumsi-
ness or carelessness. Others as
amusing arise from the use or mis-
use of technical language. Even
the lay member tries to copy the
jargon of the lawyers, and the re-
suit frequently is that he confuses
every one, including himself.
One amendment proposed by such
member was worded as follows:
every dog found trespassing on
inclosed land unaccompanied by the
registered owner of such dog or 9TH
er person, who shall on being asked
for his true name and address, may
be then and there destroyed by such
occupier or by his orders" But
this gem of meaningless rhetoric
was not passed.
Peers of the realm as well as the
humble commons are not above
lapsing into ambiguity. A certain
noble lord in committee on the ag-
ricultural holdings bill put down
this startling notice:
E'To ask the government whether
they will consider the practicability
of introducing some provision for
alleyiating the great hardship now
suffered by the family of any clergy
man if he dies while occupying his
glebe, as many clergymen have late
ly found themselves reluctantly
compelled to do"
The weekly register. [volume] (Point Pleasant, Va. [W. Va.]) 1862-1909, 1906-05-30
Her Guardian Cat.

A good dog enjoys a reputation
as guardian of the house, but a
certain old woman puts her faith in
cats. Her house was entered some
time ago, and her belief in her pet
was justified. The midnight hour
had not long struck when she heard
unusual sounds in the hall below.
She slipped out of bed, took her
faithful feline, which always spent
the night in her room, in her arms
and walked quietly on the landing.
She leaned over. A burglar was on
the stairs. Suddenly in an unlucky
moment he struck a match. The
lady then dropped puss upon the
burglars head. The cat uttered an
unearthly screech and began to use
its claws for all it was worth. The
next instant the man was outside in
the street.
The weekly register. [volume] (Point Pleasant, Va. [W. Va.]) 1862-1909, 1906-05-30

A good complexion is impossible
with the stomach out of order. II
pabty sallow people would pay
more attention to their stomaohs
and less to the skin on their faces.
they would have better complex
ions. KODOL for dyspepsia will
digest what you eat and put your
stomach back in right shape to do
its own work Kodol relieves pal.
pitation of the heart. fiatulence.
sour stomach. heart burn, etc. Sold
by all druggists.
The weekly register. [volume] (Point Pleasant, Va. [W. Va.]) 1862-1909, 1906-05-30
Lincoln.

Sir Wemyss Reid wrote OF Abra-
ham Lincoln: "One must not blame
Englishmen too severely for their
lack of appreciation of Lincoln. Ii
is doubtful if even now he is appre-
ciated at his true worth by Ameri-
cans themselves. Some years ago
had the pleasure of taking in to din
ner a charming lady who was Lin
coins direct descendant. 1 said to
her: You can hardly understand
how pleased 1 am to have met you.
There is scarcely any man whose
name is familiar to me whom / hon.
or as / honor the memory of your
grandfather The young lady open
ed her eyes in innocent amazement
and confessed subsequently that she
had been very much surprised at
my little speech. AT home they
never say anything about grand
papa"
The weekly register. [volume] (Point Pleasant, Va. [W. Va.]) 1862-1909, 1906-05-30
1t Is DANGEROUS to Neglect Cold

How often do we hear it remark.
ed: Its only a oold." and q few
days later learn that the man is on
his back with pneumonia This is
of such common occurrence that q
GOLD, however slight. should not be
disregarded. Chamberlaid's Cough
Remedy counteracts any tendency
of cold to result in pneumonia.
and has gained its great popularity
and extensive sale by its prompt
cures of this most common ailment
It always cures and is pleasant to
take For sale by G VIM Hooff
and A @ Van Glider.
The weekly register. [volume] (Point Pleasant, Va. [W. Va.]) 1862-1909, 1906-05-30
Postmaster Robbed

G W Fouts, Postmaster at River
ton, Is, nearly lost his life and was
robbed of all comfort, according to
his letter. which says: For 20
years l had chronic liver complaint,
which led to such severe case OF
jaundice that even my finger nails
turned yellow; when my doctor
prescribed Electric Bitters; which
CURED me and kept me well fo1
eleven years" Sure cure for Bilious
ness, Neuralgia, Weakness and all
Stomach. Liver. Kidney and Blad
der arrangements A wonderful
Tonic At g W NJ Huoff's Drug
store 80 cents.
The weekly register. [volume] (Point Pleasant, Va. [W. Va.]) 1862-1909, 1906-05-30

1t is possible to obtain relief from
chronic Indigestion and dyspepsia
from the U.s. of KODOL for dys
pepsia Some of the most hope
less osses of long standing have
yielded to it. 1t enables you 10
digest the food you eat and exer-
cises corrective influence. build
ing up the .fioienoy of the digest.
i've organs The stomach is the
boiler wherein toe tt-am is made
that keeps up yonr VT ,lity, health
and strength Kodol digests what
you eat Makes stomach sweet
puts the boiler in condition to do
the work nature demands of it
gives you relief from digestive dis
ordere, and puts you in shape to do
your best. and feel your best Sold
by all druggists.
The weekly register. [volume] (Point Pleasant, Va. [W. Va.]) 1862-1909, 1906-05-30
Special Commissioners
Sale.

Circuit Court OF the County OF Mason,
and state of s West Virginia; made Ios and en-
which L. G. somervilIe and E. j. somerviIie,
plant: ffs, and II. c Westfall and n. A. West
TALL are defeneanIs, the undersigned Special
Commissioner Will, on the
Goth day of June, 1906, at 10 o'clock
AN,
sell at public auction to the highest bidder,
at the front door of the Court House of said
Mason County, the following described real
Of West Virginia, County OF Mason, and Dis
trict OF Clendenin, on the waters of Sand
Fork, bounded and described as follows, to-
wit:
Beginning at a stone in center of proposed
road, corner to lot No. l6. thence with line of
same aIorg center of proposed road, 8 $40 80
passing corner to Lot No. Is, at poles and
nine links, same corner to lot No 8, and
With Line q zane In all poles TO stake
corner TO Lot No. 10, and with the line of
same N $50 II poles Is links to a stake.
10 poles 10 links to stol e, corner to Lot
No 10, thence with line of same N l2o E l3l
Of II No. Sc ean poes 10
outline of Lot No. IA, 8 1872 poles IL links to
one hundred acres, more or less; saving and
excepting Ill poles for right of way as shown
by the plat of the G: T. Beale farm; and also
excepting, also. fifteen foot right of way
from the back part of Lot No. ii, and with
Fadeleys' line of the right of way. above
mentioned; the land above described being
the south p TT of Lot No. Il, as shown on
said plat, which is recorded in the Clerks
office of the County Court of Mason County,
West Virginia, in Deed Book No. 81, pages
S3 and ga.
Terms of sale:-Cash sufficient to pay the
costs OF the suit, and Sl73 10, being tie
amount of The decree rendered on the first
note, with the interest due thereon; and the
residue of the purchase money on the LIST
day of September, 1906.
Special Con missioner.
hereby certify that the above named
Special Commissioner has given bond with
good security before ne in the penalty of
$l5OO.oO, as required by tie decree of sale.
A l.. BOGGESS,
may %, Nv. Clerk.
The weekly register. [volume] (Point Pleasant, Va. [W. Va.]) 1862-1909, 1906-05-30
SCENES in NAPLES.
Some of the Incidents of the Street Life
of the NearoIitans.

of the NearoIitans.
The commonest people of Naples
seldom buy anything from the
stores or shops, but patronize ped
oilers and street hawkers almost ex-
.clusively. At the portable kitchen
booths bill of fare is offered to the
hungry wayfarer that is laughingly
reasonable in price and varied in
kind. Besides the ever present
macaroni, the principal articles of
food are the frutti di mare, "sea
fruits" including mussels, polypi
and sea spiders, all regarded as most
tempting delicacies by the ever hun
CRY lazzaroni.
Then there are roasted fishes of
all kinds, maize dumplings, so called
spighe, and finally the national meat
food, called 'braccinole, which is
really a dumping or cake made of
lamb meat and lard. Snail soup is
another delieacy, as well as cheese
with bacon Ga pizza). Like all
southerners, the Neapolitans show a
marked fondness for sweets of all
kinds, and they would be quite lost
without their portion of struffoh, a
rather tough cake made principally
of honey. Then nothing appeals to
the lazzaroni appetite so insidiously
as the famous Easter cake of Cas-
satello, which is sprinkled most
temptingly with fluid pork fat and
in which whole eggs are baked, shell
and all, questionable dainty to IN
educated palates.
Tne Iazzaroni women are seldom
beautiful and generally not even
pretty. They are usually poorly
built, with swarthy compilations
and irregular features. Now and
then one finds a lustrous pair of
eyes of great beauty, but rarely.
The Neapolitan women are not to
be compared with the women of the
country as seen in Rome and in the
Campagna, whose trim figures,
graceful movements and frequently
charmingly fascinating faces SO
often greet the eye of the traveller
Their fullness of form, proud bear
ing and fine profiles are all conspic-
uously absent in the wives of the
lazzaroni. And how could it well be
otherwise? Are they not ''beasts of
burden" for beasts of burden ?"
Are the facchini, by reason of their
occupation, puch more than this P
Home and Country.
The weekly register. [volume] (Point Pleasant, Va. [W. Va.]) 1862-1909, 1906-05-30
Y.wuino For Health.

A German expert on gymnastics
announces that one need not go to
a well known equipped gymnasium
in search of a course of health Civ
ing exercises. Deep yawning prac-
ticed as a regular exercise is the
cheapest and surest road to perfect
health. We are still familiar with
the theory that systematic deep
breathing is an excellent thing for
the lungs, and it is on similar
grounds that yawning is recon-
mended. The expansion OF the
breast bones and the stretching Of
the arms which accompany a whole
hearted yawn, together with the I'LL
ing of the lungs, form splendid
daily exercise.
The weekly register. [volume] (Point Pleasant, Va. [W. Va.]) 1862-1909, 1906-05-30
For Tired Ewes.

Take cup brimful of water. Add
sufficient salt to be just perceptible
to the taste. Hold your eyes to the
water SO that your lashes touch it,
then wink once, and the eyes will be
suffused- Do not wipe them. This
30 refreshes the eyes that they feel
like a new pair. Do not forget the
good old rule. As soon as you "feel
your eyes" stop using them. By
following this treatment very little
time viii be wasted waiting for tired
eyes.
An old gentleman too impatient
for his hot water and a light TO be
brought rushed into the kitchen,
seized hold of the first pan on the
; stove and dashed away with it to his
dark room. On plunging his hands
into the wash hand basin he was
amazed to find that it contained
something thicker and stickier than
water-that he had, in fact, spoiled
the first course of his dinner by try
ing to wash in the soup.
Boiling over with passion, he be.
gan to upbraid his wife, and on he1
suggesting that he might have smell
ed It was soup he thundered, 'Hov
In the name of fortune could / smell
in the dark Y'-London Answers.
The weekly register. [volume] (Point Pleasant, Va. [W. Va.]) 1862-1909, 1906-05-30
Pirating FoIey's Honey And Tar

Foley & Go. Chicago. originated
Honey and Tar as a throat end
lung remedy, and on account of the
great merit and popularity of
Foley's Honey and Tar many imi.
tstions are offered for the genuine
These worthless limitations are Of
fert d for the genuine These worth
less limitations have similar sound
ing names Beware of them The
genuine Foley's Honey and Tar is
in yellow package Ask for it
and refuse any substitute 1t ia
the best remedy for coughs and
colds All dealers
The weekly register. [volume] (Point Pleasant, Va. [W. Va.]) 1862-1909, 1906-05-30
A Shower of Wheat.

In the year 1896 or thereabouts
it was report in Bristol and there
abouts that it rained wheat about
this Town and six or seven Miles
round, and many believed it. One
Mr.. Cole being curious to find out
the Truth of the odd Phenomenon
procured several Parcels of it, and
upon diligent Examination of them
with magnifying Glasses, judged
from the Taste, Figure, Size and
Smell that they were seeds of Ivy
berries, driven by a strong Wind
from the Holes and Chinks of
Houses, Churches and other Build
ings, where Starlings and other
Birds had laid or dropped them, but
if SO it's strange that they should
fall in so great Quantities in so
many Places.-Cox's magma Bri-
tannia."
The weekly register. [volume] (Point Pleasant, Va. [W. Va.]) 1862-1909, 1906-05-30
He Never Told a Lie.

'Tommy," said a father to his
son, shave you been at those six ap-
piles l put In the cupboard?"
Father" said Tommy, looking
into his eyes, 81 have not touched
one"
'Then how is it your mother
found five apple cores in your bed
room, and there Is only one left on
the platter"
fHPhat," said Tommy as he dashed
wildly for the door, SIS the one
didn't touch"
The weekly register. [volume] (Point Pleasant, Va. [W. Va.]) 1862-1909, 1906-05-30
Better Taste.

The oriental monarch amused
himself by giving hungry guest a
phantom banquet. Squire Hamil-
ton, says the Boston Herald, one OF
the best known members of the
Maine legal profession many years
ago, once sat at a meagerly laden
board, and in this case the starving
guest was the humorist. The din
ing room had been newly and splen-
didly furnished, whereas the dinner
was very slender. While some OF
the guests were iattering the host
on his taste in decoration Squire
Hamilton said:
For my part would rather see
LAaa-0a4d4n q and morei carying:2S :
The weekly register. [volume] (Point Pleasant, Va. [W. Va.]) 1862-1909, 1906-05-30
Not if as Rich as RockefelIer

If you had all the wealth of
Rockefeller, the Standard Oil mag
nate, you could not buy a better
medicine for bowel complaints than
Chamberlain's Colo, Cholera and
Diarrhoe4 Remedy The most emf
nent physician can not prescribe q
better preparation for colo and
diarrhoes, both for children and
adults The uniform success of
this remedy has shown it to be
superior to all others 1t never
fails, and when reduced with water
aud sweetened, is pleasant to take
Every family should be supplied
with it Sold by q w NJ Hooff
and A @ Van Glider
The weekly register. [volume] (Point Pleasant, Va. [W. Va.]) 1862-1909, 1906-05-30

A torpid, inactive liver can pro-
duoe more bodily ills than almost
anything else 1t is good to clean
the system out occasionally Stir
the liver up, and get into shape
generally The best results are de.
rived from the use of DeWitt's
Little Early Risers Reliable. eff.
feotive. pleasant pills with repu-
tation. Never grippe. Sold by all
druggists
The weekly register. [volume] (Point Pleasant, Va. [W. Va.]) 1862-1909, 1906-05-30
SOME ENGLISH RULERS.
The Coed and the Bad of Royal Folk of
Other Days.

Otner DayS.
Charles 1. is generally accepted
rs a gentleman as well as a martyr
because he was most fortunate in
the artists commissioned to execute
his portraits. In real life he was
by no means the mild and polished
individual he looked on canvas. His
queen, Henrietta Maria, gave it as
one reason for her wish that her
sons should be taught courtesy that
her husband was so harsh hammered
that he had made many enemies
through it.
The only Stuarts who shone by
civil speech and ways were those
who had been well drilled in France
Mary, queen of Scots, for one and
Charles Ii. for another. James 1.
of England was an awkward crea-
ture, undignified, familiar, some
times grotesque. The real Charles
I. lacked graciousness as well as
'gumptions and was little beloved
outside his own family circle. James
II. was never popular, and as for
his daughters, Queens Mary II. and
Anne, they were heavy women with
but little of the reputed Stuart ele-
gance about them.
The boorishness of the first and
second Georges, supposed by Jaco-
bites of the nineteenth and twenti-
eth centuries to afford such a con-
trast to the perfect manners of the
Jameses and Charleses, simply fit
ted the times these Hanoyerian
princes lived in, for at most of the
courts of Europe a lack of good
taste was then general, and royal
ties were much as other people in
spite of their fine clothes.
As kings the old and young pre-
tenders might have cut no better
figure than these Georges. Bonnie
Prince Charlie did not wear well, as
he became a heavy drinker early in
life and finished as a downright sot,
with whom his wife could not live.
Somehow the Stuart dynasty never
rooted strongly in England. In the
person of Queen Mary's son James
it was accepted as necessary evil
in 1903, and in 1858 it was expelled
In the person of James II.
The interval had been distin-
guished by a revolution, the execu-
ton of Charles l., the protectorate
of Oliver Cromwell, the restoration
of Charles II. and an unsuccessful
rebellion In favor of James us IL
legitimate son, the Duke of Mon
mouth. The two daughters of James
II, Queens Mary II. and Anne,
though of the Stuart line, have al
ways been considered usurpers by
true Jacobites.
James /. came to England In 1903
as a stranger who had never before
been In the country and whose claim
10 me sovereignty as Queen Eliza
beth's successor was founded on his
descent from Henry VII, first of
the Tudor line, his mother, Mary,
queen of Scots, having been Hen
rvs great-granddaughter. George I.
came to England in 1714 as James
rs great-grandson and the success
sor In accordance with the act of
settlement of 1901 of Queen Anne,
his hnswoman. He had previously
visited England in the reign of
Charles II.-London Modern Soci-
ETY..
The weekly register. [volume] (Point Pleasant, Va. [W. Va.]) 1862-1909, 1906-05-30

Mrs S Joyce. $50 Sullivan St.
Claremont, N 81. writes: About a
year ago I bought two bottles of
Foley's Kidney Cure II cnred me
of severe case of Kidney trouble
of several years standing 1t cer-
tAinly is grand. good medicine
and 1 heartily recommend it ALI
dealers
The weekly register. [volume] (Point Pleasant, Va. [W. Va.]) 1862-1909, 1906-05-30
Deaths from Appendicitis

decrease in the same ratio that the
use of DIR Kings New Life Pill in
oreeses They save you from dan
ger and bring quick and painless
release from constipation and the
Ills growing ont of it Strength
and vigor always follow their use
Guaranteed by g w M Hooff drug
gist $50 Try them
The weekly register. [volume] (Point Pleasant, Va. [W. Va.]) 1862-1909, 1906-05-30
Heights U. b. Church director

Until further notice the following will be
the plan of the preaching for the Point Pleas
ant charge, u. B. Church:
BETH EL-Second and Fourth Sundays oil
each month at 1890 a. m.
SAND HILL-The Saturday night before
the SECONDHAND Fourth Sundays OF each mo.
TRINITH-First and Third Sundays at 8
oECKARDs-First and Third Sundays at
1890 a. m.
HEiGHTs-Every Sunday night at 1880
NV. wINGRovE. Pastor.
The weekly register. [volume] (Point Pleasant, Va. [W. Va.]) 1862-1909, 1906-05-30
COLEYSHONEY4uTAR
Cures CoIdss Prevents PneumonIa

Oriuo Laxative Fruit Syrup is
best for women and children Its
mild action and pleasant taste msks
it preferable to violent purgstives.
eucb as pills, tablets. etc Get the
booklet and sample of Orino at
All dealers
The weekly register. [volume] (Point Pleasant, Va. [W. Va.]) 1862-1909, 1906-05-30

Kidney complaint kills more
people than any other disease This
is due to the disease being so in
sidious that it gets good hold on
the system before it is recognized
Foley's Kidney Cure will prevent
the development of fatal disease il
taken in time All dealers
The weekly register. [volume] (Point Pleasant, Va. [W. Va.]) 1862-1909, 1906-05-30

Forest fires in northern Miohi-
gan have swept blank an area of
100 square miles. and 5000 people
are homeless.
The weekly register. [volume] (Point Pleasant, Va. [W. Va.]) 1862-1909, 1906-05-30

The day you are forty you are
apt to wonder if you appear as old
to your children as your father did
to you when he WAS forty.
The weekly register. [volume] (Point Pleasant, Va. [W. Va.]) 1862-1909, 1906-05-30
Disturbed Tine CONGREGATION

The person who disturbed the
congregation last Sunday by con-
tinualIy coughing is requested to
buy bottle of Foley's Honey and
Tar ALI dealers
The weekly register. [volume] (Point Pleasant, Va. [W. Va.]) 1862-1909, 1906-05-30

The man who tackles his work
as if it were pleasure, is soon able
to take his pleasure without work
ing,
The weekly register. [volume] (Point Pleasant, Va. [W. Va.]) 1862-1909, 1906-05-30

Every man believes that if good
sense were hereditary his children
Won d be unusually capable.
The weekly register. [volume] (Point Pleasant, Va. [W. Va.]) 1862-1909, 1906-05-30

TRINITY NJ. E. Observation-Disclosures
notice, preaching at II a. m, and 500
p. IN. each Sabbath. Sunday Schoo
$3.50 a. IN. Epworth League 500 p. IN
Thursdays.
All are invited.
A. ID. PERRY, Pastor.
The weekly register. [volume] (Point Pleasant, Va. [W. Va.]) 1862-1909, 1906-05-30
which Road, Brother.

If you could go back to the forks of the road,
Back the long miles you have carried the load;
Back to the place where you had to decide
BY this way that through your life to abide;
Back of the grieving and back Of the care,
Back to the place where the future was fair
If you were this day that decision to make,
o, brother, sorrow, which road would you take?
Then suppose that again to the forks you went back
After you'd trodden the other long track;
After you'd found that it's promises fair
Were all delusion that led to snare
That the road you first Travelled with signs and unrest
Though dreary and rough, most gracously best,
With balm for each bruise and charm for each ache
o, brother, in sorrow, which road would you take?
NIXON WATERMAN
The weekly register. [volume] (Point Pleasant, Va. [W. Va.]) 1862-1909, 1906-05-30
scIatica Cured After Twenty Years Of
Torture


For more than twenty years Mr.
j B Massey. of 1922 Clinton st,
Minneapolis, MINI. was tortured
by sciatica The pain and suffering
which he endured during this time
is beyond comprehension Nothing
gave him any permanent relief
until he used Ohamberlain's Pain
Balm One application of that
liniment relieved the pain and
made sleep and rest possible. and
less than one bottle has effected q
permanent cure If troubled with
soiatica or rheumatism why mol
try 25-oent bottle of Pain Balm
and sec for yourself how quickly If
relieves the pain For sale By q
w N Hoof and A g Van Glider