Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1906-09-29
FIRST AIDS TO AGENTS
Suggestions for Dramatic Press
Representatives.
PUBLIC TIRED OF OLD FAKES
Lost Jewelry, Milk Baths, Divorces,
Etc, Worn Out.
MUST GET SOMETHING NEW
Hints for Stories Concerning Come
dams, Tragedians, Prima Donnas
and Soubrettes.
MUST GET SOMETHING NEW

cessant surprise about the persons of their
firmamented principals The world smiled
incredulously at the results of their indus
try. But the world was nevertheless
amused Not believing, the world gave up
it's good money to see the asteroids around
whom the press agents Of the gone day
plastered a nimbus ever new.
But the tribe of ingeniously inventive the
atrical press agents appears to have died
out, or at least to have become lost In the
desert Of mediocrity and repetition. Here,
at the outset OF the theatrical season now
uncoiling, we find them perpetrating I'M
considerably aged ones.
Lillian Russell, we are told erupted with
Vesuvian violence the other day when she
was refused admittance to Chicago no.
tel with one of her pet dogs.
Now. that's dismally descepit one. 1t
was done as long ago as the zenith of
Aimee Fact Is, 1t was done as to Ristori,
Davenport, even Adelaide Nelson.
All of the old ones, anticipatory of the
dawning season. have already been re-
vamped, rehabilitated and rehashed about
the skirts trousers, buskins and kits OF
such theatrical fgurantes as have already
blossomed for the forty weeks of 10O8-OI.
We have already been reregaled. for ex-
ample, with such antiquated press agent
provender as the following:
The star who lost her diamonds.
The star who found somebody's else gig
lamps.
The comic opera Tottie who takes goats
milk baths.
The ditto who laves her sinuous self in
tubs filled with Ruinart
The leading woman who has got her d.
vorce from the brute and the custody OF the
che-ild.
The leading woman whose spouse has beat
her to it in the same MANNER.
The leading man who thrashed Johnnie
at the stage entrance.
The leading woman whose diet consists
solely Of persimmons, to enable her to &C
quire the pouty Cupids bow mouth
The tremendously heavy great actor who
punched the stage hand and got pinched
for doing the same.
The actorine who refused to sign her con-
tract until the manager consented to pro-
vide separate carriage to and from the
theater for her pet 'possum.
The show girl who won fourteen million
piasters or pieces-of- eight-not In milk tick
cts or rain checks. specified the press agent
on the stock market.
The chorus lydy who wears hooded
cobra attached to g. platinum chain for a
corsage ornament.
The plodding toe dancer whose private
car was derailed in the railroad wreck and
who ministered SO nobly unto the wounded
and dying.
frazzled ones that were overgrown with
moss even in the far-receded day of 'Adon-
is" and "'Evangeline," the mere mention
of which involuntarily leads US to thoughts
Of Nineveh and Tyre. And yet. all the
realm Of Fakeoravia has not been ransack-
ed nor even thoroughly explored
Suggestions for the optimists-
The humble writer hereof. moved solely
by a feeling of benevolence toward cropping
press agents and a public that is compelled
to masticate the vacuous and predigested
product of present-day press agents, mod
estIy appends hereto a few suggestions in
the way of new stuff for the season cur
rent:
Trance No. bat Hoodwin, the near-co-
median has become adept at the ancient
and cultured game Of jacks. Every morning
for several hours he squats on the rug In
the boudoir Of his hotel suite and engages In
this interesting pastime with himself Mr..
Hoodwin has attained such a state OF pro-
f1ciency that he can place four or the moor
lacks on the back Of his hand While the
tossed jack Is in the air. His manager has
it in contemplation to challenge any come
dian in the world under thirty years OF ase
Mr. Hoodwin's near age-to series OF
games of handicap jacks. MI HoooWln
plays with a set of jacks presented to MIN
in England last year by the Duke OF Rack
yack They are of radium. heavily CHASED
and embossed in gold. with MI Hooa"ll
crest the hind legs of heller argent ara
besqued in silver on the shank-da1ntly sus-
costing the beginning of Mr. HoodWln
theatrical career, when he served as the
| sEyangeline" 1t will be of keen interest to
the public to know that it was from Mr..
Hood wins passion for the game or JACKS
that his beautiful chateau on the Ihames
Jackvile, was named ,
Trance No 2-Mrs. Paprika HempWell,
whose trials and tribulatons with her IA
nous canine Pinky-Panky-Poo aroused the
breathless attention OF the entire /Amerl-
can nation when she was in this country
a few years ago, has recently become pas
sionately devoted to another pet, which
she will bring with her upon her approach
ing positive farewell visit to the United
States, This new idol of the famous &C
tress Is none other than a pet oyster. The
oyster was presented to her by one or the
members of the Cingalese royal party which
lately visited King Edward at Marlborough
House The oyster was taken from the
pearl fisheries Of Ceylon by a native pearl
diver who was absorbed by shark just
three seconds after having brought the nor,
ed oyster to the surface. A pear-shaped
pearl of the milkiest texture, valued al
$4,000, was, by some peculiar freak or
rature. clinging to the outside OF the oys-
ter's shell when taken, and the pearl
pleased Mrs. Hempwell so well that she
is going to have necklace made of about
twenty-ni nine more of them If she can get
them to match exactly in beauty and value.
The oyster is already deeply devoted to
Mrs. Hempwell, and follows her UP and
down stairs with the greatest imaginable
Intelligence and affection. When the oys-
ter is not tagging after her on her consti-
tutionals it is kept in a large dish followed
out of solid Brazilian crystal. the dish be-
ing kept constantly filed with ocean water
brought from Ceylon by special messengers,
the oyster naturally evincing a liking for
sea water from it's own part of the world.
Mrs. Hempwell has named the oyster Ubb-
sie-Wubbsie, and the bivalve responds to
her calling out its name by delighted
opening and closing of its shell.
A Real Hobby.
Trance No. 3-Mr. Pritchard Ransfield,
the r-vivacous and affable creator of
new interpretations, mitigator of impossi-
bilities and fruitful exploiter of Mr.. P
Ransfield. has lately hit upon a new. and
yet very old. method for taking exercise
Mr. Ransfield as it is generally known, Is
one of the most accomplished horsemen In
the western hemisphere. He has been de-
barred from taking his favorite exercise on
frequent occasions during the past lew
months owing to the inclement weather. He
brooded considerably over this, when a
happy thought struck him. He purchased
at toy emporium a large hobby horse,
such as are in common use in nurseries, and
installed 1t in the gymnasium of his Con-
necticut palace. Then he just got up on
the hobby horses back and had one of the
rides of his life. He employed the third
gardener to sneak up behind at frequent
Intervals and give the hobby horse sudden