New-York tribune., 1906-08-27
A THREE-FTGURE DIET.

r'Joseph zeitlln. Of brooklyn Just celebrated
his Hoist birthday; advises an who wish 20 become
whskey. what they Nks. and smoke ali they want
to.'-Daily ExpFessl
For many ana many a year have tied myself
Down 20 diet suPreHlely severe;
ATytnng anRg mic nice .h hSy9 always de denied myself
7T,hs9ughts OF a ruined digestion affTighted me;
So that shrank from whatsver 91sSe deSibfs5
Natural longing Oermastered by fear.
Through all the four seasons studied prodlssousy
eG Sy fog SaImei of fowad aIo Ndds re 3E 5Es
WEIGHING each dram with scrupulous care.
Eating when science declared that needed r.
When had Hygeta q pupil so rare3
But somehow Il happened. the more and more rig
Grew my adhesion to heaIth-giving laws,
found IL was steadily growing less vigorous.
dGa DAILY & grew NV s t thought M e. DEATHS Jaws
Nerves were bundle OF irritabiIity,
Driving me fast into sheer imbecilty
Fingers and toes were as skinny claws.
Bt haJ 70 the oB y1ss' % q & the hale 5
No longer ri finger, a. pas IsT vesetars sea fPrIs
In future ri dare to detesE what's detessanls
Never inquiring ii II is digestible@
Only considering whether it's nice.
Punch
In well that has been boring since ian water
was reached the other day. II IS at BouIthar near
Lincoln, England and IS 20 supply that city with
was tapped there was noise like thunder ana In
fifteen minutes the water rose lS5 feet In s.w
hours II was within seventy feet OF the top OF the
shaft.
Briggs-I understand that Gander. the hnancier IS
eiriggsIThen he Is Just beginning 10 enjoy him.
self-Life. ~ 'OS 'ii
remarkable epitaph IS on a tombstone q,
Brighton churchyard In England. II reads: ain
memory Of Phoebe Hessei. who was born at stepnev
EfRae
private soldier IN the 5th Regiment os Foot a., 5,e
rerent parts OF Europe and In the year r745 fought
under the command Of the Duke OF Cumberland, ar
tne battle OF Fontenoy. where she received bayo-
net wound IN her arm Her long LIE. which COM
menced In the time OF Queen Anne, extended 70 IN.
reign OF George w, by whose rnunlacsnca sba
received comfort and support In her latter years
she died at Brighton. where she had long resided
December II. 1921 aged 1Os years"
:. ...sdtathilde st hid throw that poor. beggar crown"
mot on that account but the Meyers ar. watch
lng us from their window opposite Wiener Salon
Cecil Rhodes once told a circle os friends 90 n,s
relations with Alfred Belt 'I called az Porros.,
late one evening"" he said, 'and there WAS Pe,s
working away as usual. DO YOU never tal,a a
rest? asked. Not Osten.' he replied wei
WHAT'S your gamer said I am going to control
the whole diamond output before am much older
he answered. as he got of his STOOL That's FUNNY
said I have made up my mind 70 do ths same.
we had better join hands," Join hands they ara
THE AUTO SPEED MANIAC.
He scorched upon the hiehwav
he Scorched upon the street.
he scorched away from rivals
He scOrched his friends 70 meet.
he scOrched In pleasant weather
He scorched when e was hot:
He scorched when races asked tf
He scOrched when they Gfd uos
AT last, his neck he broke H.
When scorchng on bet:
And for all that you or know
He may be scorching yet.
Baltimore American.
Bolton man. according 70 ''The London
Globe. who accidentally fell into aspond the other
night appears to have come 90 q wise decision
though rather slowly. 'T sank six OF seven times
he said. "and then thowt IL wor time started
swimming" II will probably be remembered that
the Scotsman who fell into the river snatohed az a
floating bottle. What's che guid strugglIn' P''
demanded hts friend from the bank. we've hesn
doom three times already. Ye'd better let hand O.
the bottle" II dinna let go o the bottle
cried the drowning man; 'It's full o. whuskey"
...Ee,S got new plan to extermInate mosquitoes
No; his idea is to cross them with MChtnlng hnc.
so that You may them coming and thlIS sv-sf
Lhen moro easily IA the Phil afleIriSSs