davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The herald and news. [volume] (Newberry S.C.) 1903-1937, 1906-08-14
w. H. CALDWELL HEARD FROM.
He is Willing to Make Oath That He
Never Even Heard of Lanahan
Before.
bia Record.

Columbia Record.
Willie Caldwell has been heard from
and he absolutely denies having made
The statement Col. John c. Haskell
says he heard him make. The follow
ing is Il quotation from the Record 5
report Of Colonel IIaskcll'S speech at
Sligh s on July 81, 1906:
"Haskell asserted that the dispcn-
sary had corrupted and besmirchc,l
everybody who had ever been con
nected with it: that the members of
the boards of control had gone in poor
men and come out rich. but that none
of them had come out clean.
"Alr. Weston: How about Willie
Jones!
'Coloncl lIaskcll: am not calling
names. but his own brothcr-in--law
says Lanahan paid for the improve
mcni of his house. Jones is not Il
God Almighty I" regulate the affairs
'nf Richland c"unty'
Promptly upon the appearance Of
the above. Gen. Willie .jrur; denied
thai Lanalam hal paid for impr"vr-
,m"D' "' hi> h"u~r anI asked t"!. Has
krli +" >l"rily which ,1u" - hi,
brnllrr>-im-!aW had made the alleged
statement.
'r. Haskell replied that he had
hcHrh Willie Caldwell in conversation
with some young men in front of
Mi"t'< dru" store in Columbia assert
that I.annhan ha,l paid for improvc-
mcntS Of Willie jones' house.
zen. jones replied that it was im-
possible for Caldwell tn have made
Snrh statement. is Caldwell had left
tr!,rmhia twn years before his house
WAS repaired and had never rctuncd
to '.i> city.
I.;,nahau promptly denied that he
had ever paid for amy improvements
Of General .J"nr>' h",lSr.
Soon a> Colonel Haskell : statement
Wa printed. General Jones wrote a
statement ct the r;,>r I" Mr.. Caldwell,
VIII" i in california. and as" mailed
hln r"nir> "l tie papers containing"
rr1""llS Of the Sli"h : meeting. a>kin"
HIM +" telegraph ui"n l"cci p, thereof.
Ii lakes >rnr time for the mail tn yrt
frrm Columbia tn California. but yes
tcr'lay the Inli"wim" telegram came To
Grn. Willie Jones from Mr.. Caldwell.
"l" ha'l just received his letter:
Clio. tnlif.. .\uv. y. 1906.
The herald and news. [volume] (Newberry S.C.) 1903-1937, 1906-08-14
The Department of Animal Industry
At Clemson College.

TN" committee appointed by Glenn
son college to select the animals to
close options made in May last in ac-
r"r'lanrr with the Adams act by con-
"rrSS. has Just returned from their
trip t" decide as to what stock were
best suited for tile average farmers of
South Carolina.
This appropriation made by the Ma
tl"nal congress is for the establish
The herald and news. [volume] (Newberry S.C.) 1903-1937, 1906-08-14
An Organ

that will last life time is what YOU
want. Our Organs have a pure tone
and lovely cases We can supply
you with an Organ that will please in
every particular for only $65 and $40
delivered. Write us for our special
terms of payment, and for illustrations
Of the beautiful Organs referred to.
If you prefer Piano we have beau
tiful and good new Uprights from $185
up on easy terms.
Address
Ma1One'S Music House,
COLUMBIA, 8. C.
The herald and news. [volume] (Newberry S.C.) 1903-1937, 1906-08-14

BY Communications intended for this
department should be addressed to ]. c..
Striblng. Pcndleton, S. c..
The herald and news. [volume] (Newberry S.C.) 1903-1937, 1906-08-14

\ girl loves to- learn swimming very
early when she has good figure.
The herald and news. [volume] (Newberry S.C.) 1903-1937, 1906-08-14
Farmers Union Bureau of
Information.

Conducted by the
South Carolina Farmers Educa-
t1onal and Cooperation Union.
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1906-02-25

lettering building after a pet cat win shrink
ike a cowed puppy If told he is growing old.
Age is so dreaded that few people care to talk
about It. Why? The great Russian biologist
claims that It is because age puts on the loud
pedal TO all the dishar1nonies that nature plays
on us. We like to go things, and old age
often brings blindness We like TO hear about
our neishbors' troubles, and old age is full OF
DEAFNESS. In old age our lungs shrivel up and
our bones ca1cify; our heart gets to hobbhng
thumpity thunp, thumpity thump for perhaps
a dozen thumps. then a catch, little click, rest
for second, and it's off again. Often we be-
come selfish and childish, fill up with fears and
platttudes and grow grabbed, and q nuisance
because young blood feels itself wiser than our
wisdom But it is chiefly the pains and aches
OF old age that we fear. I have known people
not suicides or morbid ones. either-who longed
Tor death just as a tired man longs for sleep.
But nobody longs for locomOtor ataxia. deaf
ness. blindness, toothlessness. dropsy, brittle
bones, tuberculosis. ID. T.'s' knee Jerk lightning
pains spring ha1tered feet, govt imbeciIity dia-
betes, g1rdle twisters, Brights disease, floating
kidney, corni1ed gums, palsy, pleurisy paraIv
Sis or petT1hcation. What we would like 10 do
is TO crawl toward death without breaking the
smile on the face; to live simply and die easily
naturally; 10 1--we through long years OF old age
without pain. Old
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1906-02-25

Haw on my back you broke the sticks.
a JOB that was neatly done.
II the year OF your life SOD
And of min COZ pa -
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1906-02-25

heard quack say that gin Is cooling and neips
55IuneyS. After that. every drink time ID
1llsnes on nothing but his GIN As he begins 70
nlI me slipping side OF fifty his liver touches hin
up now and then What's the matter? The
ooetor calls it Cirrhosis OF the liver What
o oa%seo III oh.syes. sticking too close TO ths
'in ~ On; no, II wasn't the gin NeverI'
= would like you 10 tell Us what makes old
Ine woman who had caught on
There are two chief reasons First vvhsn va
are young ana still hungry for things 10 happen
Our IaIth Is strong Our blood gurgles away
bn1IitI everything looks rosy and the gooss
cept death) have happened TO Us and our faith,
Win then, has slipped away little BY little over
lie T;4oGAt1ln tops Second old stornachs are
usually bad There's the rub. For forty wears
a man treats his stomach as II IL were a gar
Sage pan a cast iron at that. He heavss IN
ooI-e1 CABBAGE and fried haIn-three ehews and
gulp 10 each nOuthfuI-to saw nothing OF his
uaAylng with such things as lobster salad and
tSErApln All this washed down with a mixrurs
S o. c woul1 eat through Bessemer converter
~ course MS stomach rebels. Any decent, SELL
respecting sIush pOtNwould feel insuIted- Re-
SIT, hulsesuon, grtpes, chronic dyspepsia
cramps. collie. cancer crernationf Simple food.
small inouthfuls, huidIess meals
50 Lands sakeF cut IN the light skirrnishers
you remind me Of the man IN Kipling's story
VINO talked about stOnachs from the point OK
View or one who didn't have any,
listen said the woman who had caught On,
t ser the laugh had died down What do you
Inlhk or this new theory that we can prolors
tion?'' Re4' ~
Great idea Let me illustrate Our right
ls.Ieo friend here has had. let us say his room
-aStereG al over with legends reading You
80 an ass AT first he is tnsuIted; later ne Is
teIt IN douot- After awhile truth prevails; he
oeoOIlies gloomy, sinks under the scandal the
stS eEohs OF the stomach become small and
- = ne mas visions. IS dragged of 70 the asylum
I - soon cashes IN his checks. But suppose ths
esenuS should read: on, am the happess
80 - aI4Vet AT first he merely smiles. than No
$500 Shen ne laughs. then he roars. ana
,-a1-'S OUT cataclysrn can stop him tbs
si NeS nm up all over BE reaches eighty and
te9,s SO good that he plays two innings OF base
a. 49, AT ninety he is stiu keen for some good
- .s-@s, Along about a hundred and ten, he be-
SIS 70 settle down IN his warm corner by the
=, h :. ana az hundred and thirty or SO he giides
stems" ~
Thank YOU. but have no dasir, for twenty
...NeHSu Years IN cosey corner"
:. on the other hand. fear 20 de- said the
s, o,,ah Whe had caught on. casting a skepticA
sauce se az the light skirmisher
en- Cut Wise friend here fears 20 live" whispered
the latter Individual
a.. said the man who perpetuaIly thinks.
~ nea tifne i could ten You Just exactly
at as-t We can and what We ought 70 do. lts
So as falling on a fence You must never
go. W. YOU know sometimes think that the
- 'Has people went take advice Is the best
49,, ,'a1SA ot the hungling OF nature Now My
the nsa ssAns but Why-Oh. well, well. whssa
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1906-02-25

why he didn't Delay it on the shutter and have
you jump out Of the window.
'But that isn't all. New teeth come in as
crooked as Tammany elections. It's 1870 TO
Theoretically that they will grow in straight
In fact, they seldom DO. So they must be set
Torment again. You get weary of saving across
them with toothbrush, shirk 1t for q few days,
or perhaps weeks, and decay sets in Then the
dentist-heaven deliver us!-claups your jaws
es If you were a bulldog, picks and drills drills
and picks, ticlkles all the nerves he can find
loose, hammers and thumps and fills and
scratches your gums-all this 10 ward off extrac-
ton. distraction liberation, desperation For
seventy years you spend hard earned shekels by
the wsdful for arnalgarns crowns, buttresses,
caps bridges and what not Why don't we ali
sInr WITH The rjra+es we ho for bottle Of
ether? Teeth are nuisance. The miners over
in Spain are tickled into spasms when the gases
they work in make them all drop out We ought
TO have had beaks like the birds. The happiest
mortal ever knew was an old purrinS cat with
a rnouthful OF empty gums. Nails Chair too)
ought 70 grow like teeth, while teeth ought 70
grow like nails and be worn of as fast as they
grow out The whole absurd arrangement could
be improved by a Digger Indian"
"If they worry you SO much, why don't you
have yours pulled and wear false teeth?" asked
the woman who had caught on Haven't you
pulled? My land! They don't worry me.
Why, I could breakfast off a we'll done arTnor
plate and chew it like veal! haven't had tooth
ache since I was seventeen I'm speaking gen.
orally"
Come, come" said the light skirrnisher.
Wasn't that when you had porcelain ones
put in2"
Well now, I don't remember. I've done so
many different things TO stave of the effects Of
old age that can't remember all the details.
Perhaps my first set were porcelain. I reInem-
Der, however, very clearly that at twenty-five
had my appendix removed"
$50 you have had appendicitis? ?" asked, some
what enviously, the woman who had caught on
"No, indeed. Never. That's because fooled
nature by having II chopped out when was
particularly strong and husky. think far
ahead, and ! don't think IN whispers, either
Now, what did 7 have for an appendix?
Maybe old mi
help digest cave bear. but is that any reason for
nature 20 pass The bother along 70 me-"
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1906-02-25
AMAZING

OF blaming the clothes, Lays It on fate or the
weather.
II believe" said the woman who had caught
on, that we lay too much on the weather.
"Of course we do. and every body knows It
Now, why don't we strive for green old age
instead Of a dark brown oneT A short time ago
somebody discovered that one Of the fntestines Is
q regular incubator Of microbes, a menagerfe OF
parasites. Now, you can kill 'ern and convert
yourself into cemetery, or you can have the
useless things dug out and be free Of 'ern for
ever. The last is what did
WAS IL giving Won any
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1906-02-25

me talk was on the bungllng Of Nature when
ene mace man. Later Il drifted into q discus
h-oH o. now 70 outwit the dame when growing
oio- II seems serious topic, & very serious
topAe' but Il VIII surprise few careful observers
70 oe told that il Went on amid much light chaff
tnch as one would expect 70 hear at divorce
VIA or IN ths wee. flowing hours OF an Arion
a--4- AFTER al, II may not have been so serious.
Ihree women IN the back OF the room listened
tor while, then resumed an animated discus
son on the proper goring Of foulards. An old
man a. the speakers table affected earnest at
'entlon; In reality, he was smiling inwardly ret
Respectively, one might say.
Yes, SAID the man who perpetually thinks
hoout things. at is certainly funny Al least II
Isn I SO internally funny as it's queer The whole
blslheo business seems too silly for anything.
tirst comes lot q pale fuzz on your skull,
IKE tbs whiskers on gosing. Then. as you
Get big enough 70 tumble around the yard with
your head in the mud and afterward TO rebel
violently against al soapy attempts at cranial
Aoluuon, II begins 10 darken up Instead of
wearing al the hair of your head as any Idiot
watching your gyrations would naturally sup
pose you would DO g. actually thrives under the
vigorous massage Of the carpet and the sand
Pile Then, Just about the tine that you want
20 be real man, along comes q silky, wavy,
perhaps curly crop, that gives the other boys a
ing you & girl When this has blossorned into
what the women call too beautiful for any
thing. you pick Up few stray germs Of ty-
Ghoie and escape with the top Of your head
looking like q picked chicken. Then II slowly
Grows back with stale and fat look as II
olsgnstea with being switched on and or SO
many times
IN football Gays, when your head is chiefly
useful Tor ripping up ribs and sod, your hafr
takes on q new lease Of roughly handled life.
Ten years later. Just at the tine that three
rivals and two black eyes make YOU vearn for
handsome. glossy topknOt, the fool tainr he
gins 70 drop out. Right al the psychoIogical
moment-but-Wel, now. wouldn't that josfle
your gizzardi This usually happens IN the eTl-
tunn, just as n you had leaves on your head in
stead OF hair. WIG with despair (for the mao,
eyes look suspiciOusly az The thin spots Won 50
srf1ully brush over. you try al the hair re-
ttorers. sprinkle IL with sulphur. soak u n CIV
cer1ne VRseline. kerosene, Ongoline and sleep or
a. towel You sigh like Romeo over every strs "a
tllst your ne-ciless comb yanks out. and yet say
Thank Coo" when al Of them are gone and yoU
can roam the wilderness as unadorned as G
Mexican dog From then until the man witt
Tie space snlooths The sod over you, you arr
Tree or The whole silly nuisance"
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1906-02-25
HE LOOKED AHEAD

Not biz, but it might have done 81 IN nv
ola age when 1 grow feeble. Who knows? I'm
using foresight. Another thing, when I 60 ont
IN the cold pad worse than a plav actress
You DON'T catch me at seventy wheezv with
asthma or all topsy-turvy with rhtuttfs A
Chinarnan IN his paJamas made me do Soma
nara thinking the other day on the pros and
cons OF low cut waistcoats Then take COLA
Oalhs lots OF exercise-but let me tell Won vybe,
an old doctor said TO me recently about ea+t,s
ne SAID; If fancy meals don't wear ont NOR
Reop4e u1an getting money then I'm a uar %
SI4e1 ana a ScOundrel, and nv roO+ba- 49,
ducks That's true 10y 40Nn7r stole
-, AGAIN, just take the subject of dus+ Nro.s
Iiie aust that sails through a sunbeam in 49,
t toola ana imagine the amount Of truck Ne
- "a me N ana swallow every blessed ds1
- II any HIhe days wonder that our ola V.,o~Iyy
S SteaA aao groan as they run down? The Co.
Ine petr1ned fact. is that we can pra1-aT- 80,
a. ne diseases OF old age, durable or incurabIS
Oy Htte foresight IN our dapDer DAYS A. 49,
unless a bad Inheritance from some Soc1 lSas'
Tor COOKS our goose. No, don't heIiaI1s "a 80
user Is disease. People tell me thai +btS,dase
too l9ch OF my future health Will roaIa -
sour always answer that I vouId 80 A1'e
lhe lemon that floats top than the snga- We 90
wastes away below" 9SstNR lnSl
Look here" said The light skirmfsba- -. a.
"a IDEA mao struck him. why, when a rnsT - -
siIs 70 get old. couldn't they graft a lot ~ NJ
Lnlnss 20 lin so as 10 keep him younxP TN,
tisa. Cnp on mis- dried up skin little bv littIS
OF course and graft on lambs skin rrb '.1Sle ;
would save clothes and such things as moo'
nonia and the like. Put In rabbits sIas pnee-
stomach an eagles heart q dogs : eV~t
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1906-02-25
ANCESTORS TO BLAME.

That's what we get for having ancestors"
said the light skirmisher. Mature seems TO
have passed q lot OF things along 10 US The
scientists tell that our ancestors vera
anthropoid apes and needed hair. From the fact
that we stil have a certain amount OF il. IL
looks as If nature doesn't believe that we have
really changed SO very much from them"
Some OF US give her cause for the opinion -
This came a little pointedly from the man who
thinks. But suppose people will come 10 get
rid or their rudimentary organs just as they get
rld OF documentary notions. Now, take this
scheme OF mine for staving on the incura bis
troubles OF old age-hold on there Won t1vol
Don't run away. I'm going 20 tell You some
thing now that you really ought to know
In the first place. why are we SO afraid ~.
ola age! The very man who viii crack folsez
on firing line or rush blandy !nto,a burning.
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1906-02-25
a CHHESION.

who thinks about things. He said It somewhat
ssvagely.
Women hedge" broke in a light skirrnisher
who had moved over TO the table TO listen; that
is they cover their losses"
80 do many men," rejoined the man who
thinks about things That only makes it more
pathetic The fact is that We are all poorly tied
up parcels Of bungles Now for another in
stance Of Natures laundering, take the nails or
take the beard. Why on earth DO we have nails
that. whether we want them TO or not, keep on
growing? squirrel needs them TO climb
tree; COW needs them
Good Lord, man. a COW has no nails!"
Certainly she has. You call them hoofs.
Nails and hoofs the same thing A COW
needs nails 10 walk on; a snail, for a house;
can them the pup next door. But.
leaving out few Jealous females, what use
have people for long nails? Yet they keep
sprouting out OF US or growing into stub
born Unison weed It's the same with &
mans beard. You slash IL off until your face
has the delightful sensation Of peeled onion,
but il keeps a-coming. The eyebrows are the
only well behaved. sensible hairs we have. They
grow out a decent length, then stop"
so do the teeth" replied the woman who had
caught
Now you've struck the worst instance Of the
whole foolish business We have got some hair
when We start life, but we haven't got any teeth
All OF q sudden Nature sort Of sIirs herself as
II she had forgotten something. This is the
Of a lot Of well deserved spanlings by reminding
father that We 'cuttin toof1es.' We howl
seven souls out OF every neighbor. drool all over
the landscape. pinch pink marks IN mothers
chest, and make life highly interesting for all
within reach Rubber dolls wheeEe up. the
ghost and chewed into shreds We are
flooded with soothing syrups UP TO the brin. and
yet everybody wonders that in after life we be-
come dipsomaniacsi This Is the day OF our
glory an endless round Of eInulsions dilutions
solutions, commissions In the year so that
tE!s keeps up. mother wears 10 a FRAGILE and
father reduces that he could hide behind
shadow"
TROUBLE ONLY BEGUN.
I'VE ought IN nass law requiring the stork
/ 70 provide full set OF molars and bicuspids
4 with every bundle OF annoyance" This. OF
course was from the light skirmisher.
Whats the use? Even then they would de-
cay get 3erlzed out by the clothesline It's all
a bungle. Now. you would suppose after all
TINS hullaballoo that youngster would be sup
piled with teeth for the rest of his days. Not
/ II you know the Stiffness OF Nature The last
/ stomach tooth Is scarcely IN before front tooth
eels tired OF work and wants 70 get cut. Then
/ there's toothache. Jawaehe. headache. heart
| ache, and the devil 70 payl You wear bIisters
Oh yeor tongue trying 10 stop the pain They
cnoEe you with cloves. cotton, creosote cam
| Leor and ch!oro1Crm. You cant blame EN-
| Finally. some ingenious amateur takes a turn
I around the tooth ana ties the other end OF the
string 70 coorknob In after LIE you wonder
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1906-02-25
WOMEN HEDGE.

Il really Is silly. when you come 70 think Of
n ssAo the woman who had caught or At
least she ADDED, as II she feared 10 have said
zoo much. Tor men"
Yes. and for wo1nez, TOO" answered thu man
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1906-02-25
SOME GOOD ADVICE

You talk like Il c. wens- rep,,.s r..s
tcily' the man who really thinks .sT,s -
we can graft skin on people. for instance -
are badly burned; that man can live vv,tho,,.
stomach ana can use one lung wh,Ie vo,, -
chanse the other. But what's going 70 ha 80.
whle you are swapping hearts, We ar. t.T,,,-s,
aoout now TO prevent in early LIE the a,.a.~-s
that oyerwhelm Us IN old age not how 20 -
YER YER gu men INTO freaks. Now take hser+
rouole Dig doctor told me the other d. 49,
heert disease Is only notch behind enat
aha tuoeIcuiosls as man killer Avoid strst
$3.50 y 10 hueh tobacco or dope ana 80,
ana the chances are that she win 60, track
Hio e oh Tue haekstretch without a raSn you
vi. saae lie hVer, Suppose some chunn IN.
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1906-02-25
METHUsELAH's SONG.

/ don't know about Methuselah," broke in
the light sktrnisher. II guess he had his trou-
Dies Ike the rest Of US. Did you ever hear The
song ne sang 10 old Mrs Methuse. in which he
asks her If she can remember:
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1906-02-25
An laughea sxcept the man u-hs .s..,.=

AN laughed except the man who thinks sbou+
things. The laugh from the woman who bsd
eaugAt on was little forced ana die6 SOONEST
was gong 70 say" continued rhe roe- ~
tAIuAs that we ought TO prepare for oIS CO
Just as wise man. by dieting prenares his r.
sldes Tor seasickness. My schema Is sirnTi-r 49,
az OuIIee u prevention is worth pound OF cn~e
a man goobles and swills and grows as a. ~, &c =,
q pre"gG, Along about forty-fve he begins -
blaIhe providence for giving him diabsTaS ~
govt AaoIher PUSHES around the Stocl~ ~
Shalise al osy In nervous spasn then shuf-iau
the cSLuS ana eIinks the ice all night ETa, a.
nc - IucAy enough 10 end up with insor0nfa ~
ueuIss li45I4Ia and not draw the d TIs Da~e1I1-
5 SIs OF ueIhentia. he feels fl treated Again q
to' % iiist' When the summer is sin7rnerfnr- 81
- 80 - oIacK felt hats, heavy flannel shirts
Stor5 80 81 y with a grog shop handy TO lee
~ 80 onouy ever explains 70 those idiots
la Inc PISCt4ce Is the best ever inverts1 80
oreea acnss Tor old age. a Wet cIo4b a. $50 -
500 1871 leaves IN their hats vyoSIId hal, So
woilueLiu4ly, YET they never think ~ - 80
eel s1ttes WIZ Journey 10 the South - So
9 9y 5StI I- IN their old age nnaIe,cbo13 -
wasn't II Eurtpides or sorna n 80 oI
oII pasIi-s VINO wrote a tragedy ON a s .
when ssoW!y became crazy throurh tha " soWn
OF neat. Now. there's the wom9n ~ LETS S
sAyly out OF sturfy, steam heated 81 a., IDS Ip
io,r slt7.,srs etad IN openworS clothes sr5
now ,7laia ~ II sns afterward has rheuma,is,,
st,,, ,,S a. ~ 9ra4sla, or If her chiIdra- a.
sioAy ~iia Gle % consumption shs never tb,nss