davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Montgomery tribune. (Montgomery City, Mo.) 1892-1910, 1906-05-25
Quarrel of Humorists.

Soon after Sir Francis G. Burnand
became the editor of Punch he pub
lished a skit on George Augustus Sala.
which %cleverly burlesqued his methods
and manner. Sala was connected
with the London Illustrated News. As
he was distinguished alike for hufineEs
and for geniality, there was much talk
about how he would take the joke.
One evening Sala and Burnand met at
the Beef steak Club, and Sala, to the
mingled CONSERVATION and amusement
of the gallery, referred with indigna-
ton to the article. "If ] were
younger" he said, "I'd pull the nose
of any man responsible for such an
article!" A peacemaker interviewed,
to whom Burnand remarked that per.
sonally he did not think this or any
matter in journalism worth quarreline
about, but that if Sala felt so aggrieved
he could take the matter into his own
hands. II Wilt" Sala Immediately
cried. IT will" And springing up ex-
citedly, he carried out his Intention
by wringing his own nose, arst with
one hand, then with the other. Then,
after murmuring, II apologize" he
quietly sat down. Then it came out
that the affair was a farce planned and
rehearsed by Sala and Burnand, and
that Sala had written the article him,
self.-Youth's Companion.
The Montgomery tribune. (Montgomery City, Mo.) 1892-1910, 1906-05-25
A Blow in the Dark.

A firm Of cheap clothing makers
was dissolved not long ago, and In NO
amicable way. A lawsuit over the
settlement was the result, and the
cause of Meyer and Jacobs came to
trial. According to the way the
story is told in the Lawyers Club
former Judge D%ittenhoefer was the
counsel for the plaintiff.
Il think, l will send the Judge a nice
box Of cigars" said Mr.. Meyer to his
counsel during a recess in the trial.
Perhaps he will feel more kindly to.
ward me them"
mo, no; don't do that" replied Mr.,
Dittenhoefer. ut wouldn't be right
at all. You would offend him very
deeply, for he would think you were
trying to bribe him. Your case isn't
any too good now. and you would sure
ly lose 1t II you did that"
The trial ended with a verdict In
Meyers favor.
well, I won." said the victorious
litigant to his lawyer. with a broad
smile. land. say. l did send the Judge
those cigars"
"You did?"
Eyes. sir; but I put Jacobs card in
the box."-N. Y. Herald.
The Montgomery tribune. (Montgomery City, Mo.) 1892-1910, 1906-05-25
what the Lion Tanner Feared.

l. Y. Minnick Of Potsdam, Ohio, who
once travelled ahead of q circus, has
many stories to tell of the tricks and
manners of the show folk and of the
wild animals they carry with them.
along in the days Just before his
death Col. Dan Boone. the famous
tanner and trainer" he said. developed
a fear Of bronchitis which grew to be
q regular nervous mania. He would
go into the cage with a snarling lioness
with young cubs without the slightest
fear. but was scared to death of a
breeze. One day, after an exhibition
fight with the ferccst lion we had be
came out of the cage and said to me:
Louis. this will prove the end OF
me vet.
" Good Lord, Colonel. I said, you
aren't losing your nerve? You surely
are not getting afraid of that bruteg'
q Afraid OF that dog!' ha said, dis
gustedly. Afraid Of my hat! Nothing
of the sort. But these Cages are the
worst places for draughts In the coun.
try. I know I'll catch q cough some
day that'll prove my death, Louis
vile Herald. "
The Montgomery tribune. (Montgomery City, Mo.) 1892-1910, 1906-05-25
THE POINT OF THE PRovERB

An old proverb advises the shoe
maker to stick to his last. It means
that a mar always succeeds best at
1t means, stick to your plow; to the
blacksmith, stick to your forge; to
the painter, stick to your brush.
When we make experiments out of our
line they are likely to prove expen-
sive failures.
1t is amusing, however, to remark
how every one Of us secretly thinks
better than the other fellow himself.
The painter imagines he can make
paint better than the paint manufac-
turer; the farmer thinks he can do
a job Of painting better, or at least
cheaper than the painter, and 80 on.
A farm hand in one Of Octave
Thanet's stories tells the Walking
Delegate Of the Painters Union, ANY.
body can slather paint" and the old
line painter tells the paint salesman,
None Of your ready made mixtures
for me; I reckon I ought to know
how to mix paint" >
The farm hand is wrong and the
painter Is wrong: Shoemaker, stick
to your last" The fancy farmer"
can farm, Of course, but it is an ex-
pensive amusement. II 1t strikes him
as pleasant to grow strawberries at
fifty cents apiece, or to produce eggs
that cost him five dollars a dozen, 1t
is a form of amusement, to be sure,
If he can afford 1t, but it's not farm
ing. II the farmer likes to slosh
around with a paint brush and can af-
ford the time and the expense of hav-
Ing a practical painter do the job
right pretty soon afterward, it's a
harmless form of amusement. II the
painters customers can afford to
stand for paint that comes off in half
the time 1t should, they have a perfect
right to indulge his harmless vanity
about his skill in paint making. But
in none of these cases does the shoe
maker stick to his last.
There is just n class Of men in
the world that knows how to make
paint properly and have the facilities
for doing 1t right; and that Is the
paint manufacturers--the makers Of
the standard brands of ready.prepared
paints. The painter mires paints;
the paint manufacturer grinds them
together. In a good ready-prepared
paint every particle Of one kind Of
pigment is forced to join hands with
a particle of another kind and every
bit Of solid matter Is forced, as 1t
were, to open its mouth and drink in
its share of 1inseed oil. That is the
only way good paint can be made, and
If the painter knew how to do it he
has nothing at hand to do 1t with. A
paint pot and a paddle are a poor
substitute for power-mixers, buhr-mills
and roller-mills.
The man who owns a building and
neglects to paint 1t as often as 1t
needs paint is only a degree more
short-sighted than the n who tries
to do his own painting or allows the
painter to mix his paint for him.
2. @.
The Montgomery tribune. (Montgomery City, Mo.) 1892-1910, 1906-05-25

sessions that your enemy Miron fell hefr
to two months ago by the death OF an
uncle, and which have been declared
forfeited to the crown. My affairs are
again hopeful and expect ere long to
be returned to Quebec, Should you ever
by n chance moet with the fair donnee,
convey TO her my best desires aud give
her for me-a fatherly kiss.
LOUIS DE BuAfoE.
Comic de FroDfer,ac.
Tonti's mind ran rapidly over the
situation;' to return meant wealth,
honor. the kings favor, and all that
he mad thought when there worth
striving for. To remain meant the
giving up Of the glittering vanity and
polluted pleasures OF the court, while
there would abide with him the bold
free existence that he now loved; the
life work before him OF building up the
noble fabric Of @ new realm;-and
Renee, she for whom he would have
turned aside the proffered riches and
honors Of the world and thought it
cheap.
He handed the letter to her to read
and watched her face with a smile of
loving tenderness. She finished and
looked up. "Your choice, my lord!"
she. demanded. For answer Tonti
gently drew her to him. and murmur-
ing, There is but one," fulfilled to
his satisfaction the last request
of Frontenac.
He then pulled at a cord fastened
about his neck and drew forth a small,
fiat object wrapped carefully in oiled
silk. He undid it before Renee's won
dering eyes and showed her-a tiny
bit of lace, a handkerchief crumpled
and with a torn border, while clear
and distinct as when he first examined
1t standing on the street of Paris stood
forth the embroidered letter "R."
She blushed with pleasure as she rec
ognized 1t, and saw him carry 1t rev.
erently to his lips, murmuring:
Renee, my Rose!"
The wind was hushed; a silence fell
upon the town; the faint ripping OF
the distant water was scarcely heard;
the golden lilies from the summit Of
the Flagstaff looked lovingly down upon
these two worthy children of France;
the slanting rays of the fast disap-
pearing sun bathed them in its glori-
u light. Two storm-tossed barks
had gained their haven; they had at
last found anchorage within the har.
Dor Of peace.
1.-THE ENID
The Montgomery tribune. (Montgomery City, Mo.) 1892-1910, 1906-05-25

economy OF the mistress Of the house,
It Is rather amusing to compare notes
on this subject. Mrs. A. will dress four
children very comfortably on the SANS
sum that Mrs. b. spends on two, but
the first is a good manager, and the
second has little foresight and man
agement. Both would be gamers IL
they understood that cash customers
always save more than those who keep
running accounts in the shops, and IL
they likewise understood that there are
times and seasons when q housewife
may secure real bargains. BY this I do
not mean that women should shop mere
ly on bargain days, so-called, but that
those who buy at the end of a season
when goods are marked down often fur
nish their entire wardrobe for at least
half 1t would have cost had they bought
when the season opened.
The Montgomery tribune. (Montgomery City, Mo.) 1892-1910, 1906-05-25
WAS WILLING TO "BlTE."
One in the Audience Who Had Never
Heard Of the Great Man in
Question.

At the recent annual meeting Of the
voters Of Cape Elizabeth two INT
were presented for moderator, Henry
8. Jorden and Clement E. Staples, Re.
publican and Citizen, respectively,
say the Boston Herald. The orator
who nominated MI. Staples made a
mighty effort. who Is Clement e.
Staples?" he cried, as he waved his
arms like pump handles and strobe
back and forth on the platform. A
deep and impressive silence followed.
Again waving his arms, he called in
a voice of thunder: who is Clement
E. Staples?" The silence was more
pronounced and the effect greater. The
audience was visibly impressed. Be-
fore attempting to dwell upon the
good qualities of his candidate. the
speaker again proclaimed: II say.
who Is Clement E. Staples?"
A small man in the rear of the hall
stood on a chair and broke the silence
by saying: "Waal. I'll bite. Who Is
he?"
The Montgomery tribune. (Montgomery City, Mo.) 1892-1910, 1906-05-25
Deduction by Analogy.

Mamma, Use got a stomach ache
said Nelly bly,. six years old.
That's because you've been with
out lunch. It's because your stomach
is empty. You would feel better II
you had something in it."
That afternoon the pastor called,
and in the course of conversation. re-
marked that he had been suffering all
day with q very severe headache.
that's because It is empty" said
Nellie. you'd feel much better II
you had something In it."-American
Spectator.
The Montgomery tribune. (Montgomery City, Mo.) 1892-1910, 1906-05-25
velvety Skin.

The woman who desires a soft, clean.
velvety skin. and who wishes to re-
move the daily accumulation OF dust
and dirt from her face. must first rub
into the skin a good cold cream, then
wipe of what remains with a soft
linen cloth. Next she must wash her
face In hot water with a Turkish
cloth and a good soap. rinse In hot
water and then in gradually cooling
waters, and finish by dashing it with q
basin Of cold water. into which TEN
drops of tincture Of bsazoin has been
put.
The Montgomery tribune. (Montgomery City, Mo.) 1892-1910, 1906-05-25
LIMB RAW AS PIECE OF BEEF.
Suffered for Three Years with Itching
Humor-Cruiser Newark y. s. N.
Man Cured-Speedy Cure
by Cuticura.

II suffered with humor for about tbres
years off and on. l finally saw a doc.
tor and he gave me remedies that did
me no good, so l tried Cuticura when INV
limb below the knee to the ankle was as
raw as a piece of beef. All l used was the
Cuticura Soap and the Ointment. /
bathed with Cuticura Soap every day. and
1sed about six or seven boxes of Cuticura
eminent. I was thoroughly cured Of the
affected with it since. / use no other
Soap Than Cuticura now. H. j. Myers.
y. 3, N. ". s. S. Newark, New York.
The Montgomery tribune. (Montgomery City, Mo.) 1892-1910, 1906-05-25
The Cost Of Food.

Those who have made an exhaustive
study OF the cost of food assure us thaf
this item ranges about the same In the
different markets of the country, Az
though In some places one supply may
cost more and another less than in o
place hundreds Of miles away. Those
who have gardens of their own, or who
are able to buy directly from the farm
Of a %neighbor, with no intervening mid
dle-maE and no ascending scale of
profit from producer to consumer, may
live more cheaply than their friends who
possess no such advantage.
In the country, for instance, the only
money actually expended may be laid
out for meat when the butcher makes
his weekly round with his cart. Other
articles of food are raised on the farm,
and the thrifty housewife has the
chance to barter her eggs and butter in
the nearest town for other things that
she needs. Country jewellers should
live much better, all things considered.
than their city cousins. The latter, how
ever, need not go beyond their means IL
they purchase with discretion and suf-
fer no waste in the household. In a
great city a visit to the market, here
or there, Is a revelation of the COM
merce of the globe. Fruits, vegetables,
dairy products, meat, everything in
splendid variety shows how interde-
pendent we are, and how swiftly trains
ply and steamers race across the sea.
that the world may be fed. Buyers
have only to choose from an abundant
and attractive bill of fare.
The crying sin Of American house.
keeping is willful waste The amount
of good food that is daily thrown away
by people of limited means is positive
ly shocking. One housekeeper in ten
takes proper care of left-overs from the
table, and suffers nothing to be lost
through forgetfulness, or cast by a
thriftless maid into the garbage pail.
The average maid despises small econ
omies, but this is no reason why she
should not be taught to practice them.
The cost of living in a thousand homes
might annually be diminished by a
tenth without a single person in the
household mourning the slightest self
denial.
In a thousand homes, too, more
careful buying and more careful saw
ing would result in a gratifying sum
in the bank at the end Of each twelve
month. If the cost of living is higher
than it once was, we must renem-
Der that the wage-rate is also higher
and that the country is not in the
least impoverished, but, on the on
trary, exceedingly well-to-do. We
may share its prosperity if as individ-
uals we look out for waste.
Copyright, 1906. by Joseph B.. Bowies.)
The Montgomery tribune. (Montgomery City, Mo.) 1892-1910, 1906-05-25
.. -
WILLIAM r. A. WILSON
CHAPTER xXvIl.-coSr1SuEp

SAA<AI 4ASIS IA
Tonti's eyes filled with tears as he
realized that his friend. having guessed
his love for Renee, had given his life
that she might remain to him. To-
gether Che, pale and weak, leaning on
the arm of his nurse, she patiently
accommodating her healthful gait to
his trembling steps, they visited the
spot. Tonti ordered cut upon the cross
that marked the place where his friend
lay tho words Faithful unto DEATH"
and told Renee of the fateful SEN
tence uttered by Pompon as the three
drank their last toast in tho little
cabin of the Saint Honore."
One afternoon when the deer blue
haze Of the delayed Indian summer
hung over the distant hills, they as
cended the little lookout platform
that had been the scene of the fatal
combat. Renee, after seeing that her
patient was comfortably propped
against the Flagstaff, sat down beside
him. Below them lay the Indian
lodges, busy with life and activity. All
vestiges Of the attack had been re-
moved and new bark houses had arisen
on the ashes of the old. The suns
rays touched the tops of the distant
camps. half hidden in the trees, now
CANDY in their multicolored autumn
foliage. Far up the river Tonti be-
held q solitary canoe, urged onward
by some sinewy arm. He thought of
the day when his arm, now weak and
shrunken, had sent his bark flying
over the water to greet Renee on her
first arrival, and his mind went back
over all the happenings since they
had first met, and he marvelled as he
thought of the strange Intervening
of their lives. A feeling Of sadness
eurged through his breast as he real
lied the fruitlessness Of 1t all; that
only disappointment and a resigned
sorrow were left them.
The Chevalier de Baugis approached.
bon jour, mon ami" he cried. "It
does my eye good to See you able to
be about visiting the scenes Of your
past glorles. Now that you are strong
er. | have brought a letter for you
from La Sale, received whilst you were
wandering in the land of dreams" So
saying, he handed the missive to Tonti
and was gone.
"Are you sure you are well enough
to take up such matters?" anxiously
Queried Renee.
"Certainement! However, only with
permission Of my physician" he re-
piled smilingly.
Her consent gained, Tonti broke the
seal and passed his eyes over the
pages. From them he learned that La
Sale had been obliged 10 return to
France for means whereby to satisfy
his creditors. He also read numerous
plans and instructions in regard to
the colony, but the closing sentences
burned before his eyes In lctters of
fire: There ID one matter about which
I have had much anxiety. and that is
the exposed position OF Mademoiselle
d'Outrelaise amid the hardships Of the
frontier life. feel In a great measu
responsible for her being there. She,
undoubtedly, when Obliged to fee from
france, turned toward the western
world where I was for protection,
I..A |LA n" HM
The Montgomery tribune. (Montgomery City, Mo.) 1892-1910, 1906-05-25
WHAT FUR"

Gnub-nosed, rcd-haired. freckied lad,
Never had no chance; err had
What " might call schoolin'; Jest
Raised among the orn'riest.
Always seemed e. want T. know
Jest why things wGs huz an sos
x<ook Wy IN yr face an ss1
'. III most inuuIrin' wAy
what furF~
Always tinkerin' around
Railroad shops; n always found
0omethin' there L ask about;
Always fndin' somethin' out.
Never saw a chain err shaft,
Belt ca pulley, but he'd haft
a look up In his Gurus way.
Look up In y'r face an a.
"What fur?"
Wasn't satisfied t. know
That TIL wheels went thus al 20:
Nothin' d ever satisfy
Him ontil he found out why.
Never saw n thing but he
Followed right T. A. b.. c.
When he saw a wheel go round
Never give up till he found
what fur?"
Got a place; how, 1 can't say.
In tn railroad shops one day;
We Y hho oboS y
Peeled an always askin' why.
When q hole was bored, well he
Would look down, an presently
Look UP at some one an say
In his most inquirin' way:
"What fur?"
Welt, Sir, next thing tina / hear
He'd rugged up a h'istin' gear.
All his own; discovered by
His eternal askin' why.
Got a patent fur 1t then
With a mint o. money; when
We told him We s'posed he'd QUIT.
Hs Jest says, an smiled q bit:
what fur"
Money Jest come rollln' in
Eastern ever waves o. sin
Beat on earth; he didn't care,
Jest KEEP cool an stayed right there
Side of us; an when We lowed
He's forget tn common crowd,
Looked up. jest as when a child,
When he said, an sort o. smiled:
what fur?"
Pardon. stranger; that ere tear
I've dropped on this castin' hero
Is fur him; we liked him SO,
Never proud n bit, y know.
Typhoid. so the doctor said;
Don't perfess L be well-read
Err Z understand, but we
Nary n of us could see
what fur?"
~. M. Foley in N. Y. Times.
The Montgomery tribune. (Montgomery City, Mo.) 1892-1910, 1906-05-25
SAILOR.
of Taffeta and a Wing in
Shaded Pink.

High-crowned, narrow-brimmed SAIL
ors will be especially favored in the
millinery world for spring and sum-
mer wear Our model gives a fair idea
The Montgomery tribune. (Montgomery City, Mo.) 1892-1910, 1906-05-25

Practically All People Live on the
Fruits Of Day Labor-Rent Should
Not Cost More Than one-Fifth Of
Annual Income-Mistaken Pride
as to External Appearances De-
prives Some People of the Real
Joy Of Living-only Millionaires
Can afford" to Dress as Poor as
Poverty-Buy Clothes at End Of a
Season-Willful Waste the Crying
Sin Of American Housekeeping.
The Montgomery tribune. (Montgomery City, Mo.) 1892-1910, 1906-05-25

Of the style. In this case the hat II
rose-pink straw. the crown encircled
with folds of taneta and a wing In
shaded pink fastened to left side with
rhinestone buckle. Loops of soft taft
feta ribbon rest on the hair at back
under brim.
The Montgomery tribune. (Montgomery City, Mo.) 1892-1910, 1906-05-25
A 0entle Slam.

Miss Jolly--Eddie Blank Is an aw-
ful flatterer, You cant believe o word
he says. But ! always like to meet
him.
Kathleen-Must be q case OF mu-
..ual admiration. I've heard him say
the very same thing about you.-Ds.
The Montgomery tribune. (Montgomery City, Mo.) 1892-1910, 1906-05-25
The Item of Clothing.

Inc Item or Cloth1ng.
A man who goes daily to business
must be comfortably clothed for his
work, well shod and provided with
outer garments that enable him to APP
pear thoroughly respectable among his
associates. A good deal of success
may depend On the appearance a man
makes when going to and from the
place of his work. A man whose
dress is obviously shabby and thread
bare is discounted unless being q mil
lionaire he al afford to look as poor
as poverty.
In ordinary circumstances the man
of the house must be we'll dressed, but
ready-made clothing OF good quality
even in u extravagant country may
be purchased for cash at a fair price.
Granted that a good cut and good ma
terial r selected and adequate care
taken Of the garments q nan need not
DO troubled overmuch about the cost
of his clothes. Wife and children are
well dressed or badly dressed, not ac-
cording 70 the amount Of money spent,
but acsordtng to the taste, skin and
The Montgomery tribune. (Montgomery City, Mo.) 1892-1910, 1906-05-25

The solitary canoe that Tonti had
watched drew near to the landing. Its
occupant disembarked and approached
the fort. A few moments later the
boyish voice OF the Sieur do B~oisrondet
rang across the yard:
"Capitaine Tonti! A messenger from
Quebec!" as he quickly approached the
lovers on the rampant. "a messenger
from Quebec. bringing dispatches,
One is for you personally. thought
! would bring 1t at once. Those per-
tanning to official business the cheva-
Tier will discuss with you later"
Tonti recognized the scrawiing writ
ing of Frontenac on the outside of the
large oblong package. He opened 1T,
and out fell q document bearing the
royal seal. With 1t was a letter that
read as follows:
Mon cher Tonti- i have good news fos
you. Colbert is dead. The king, nj
longer under his influence. hastens to
make amends for your fathers cruel
treatment n to reward you bold en-
deavors for him in the wilds of New
France. send you the royal commits
sion granting you unlimited rights to
trade, and appointing you communicating
chief OF all the forces of the king IN the
Mississippi valley. together with The
powers of governor Shared In by La
Salie) OF all additions to the royal do
main that by right. of settlement or ex-
ploration YOU may acquire. You are to
receive q salary Of 5000 livres. On the
other hand, II you prefer to return to
France, Louis has promised mo to create
you = comte and transfer 70 xou the pos-