davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1906-01-06
He Had an on-Hand WAY.

''Some grocers," remarked the Gus
toner, have an off-hand way of
weighing sugar, but l notice you're
not one of them
"Off-hand way? How do you
mean?" asked the grocer.
Il noticed you kept your hand on
the scales just now while you meas
ured out five pounds for me-"
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1906-01-06
Don't Pick Too Hard.

Helloi' said the dentist, meeting
one of his patients in a restaurant
you seem to be having good time.
Enjoy your meals more since you got
that new set of teeth, Ell? ''
Yes" replied the patient, "a new
set of teeth proves excellent company
when man sits down to dinner"
You must be careful, though eau.
toned the dentist, how you pick
your mpany."-CathoIic Standard.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1906-01-06
On the Road.

The manager rushed into the prop
erty room excitedly.
Where is the apple to put on Tells
sons head?" he cried. 1.-The audience
is waiting. There's not a minute to
lose
The property man put down his
newspaper and took his pipe from his
mouth.
Tell ate it, he said calmly. "You
didn't pay him yesterday, and he
stewed it for his supper
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1906-01-06
A Faux Pas.

Wen, how'd your dinner to the
British ambassador come OFF," in
quired Mrs. Senator Nooritch.
oh, paw went and made a mess
OF things, as usual YEARLY respond
ed Mrs. Senator Struckile. st can't
teach him nuthin'. He forgot to order
EN-, and so we didn't have no tooth
picks to pass around"
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1906-01-06
One on the Siohts,

Citiman-Come to town to see the
sights, Ell? Well, you don't want to
miss the Zig mirror in the lobby of
this hotel
Farmer Wayback-Do tell? Some
thin worth, seem, is it?
Citiman-Yes, indeed. You won't
see all the sights unless you take a
look at something like that.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1906-01-06
Denying 1t.

This gentleman said the judge,
declares he saw you in his yard"
What! Me, subj exclaimed 'Ras-
tus, with an air of injured innocence.
ttAh. l thought you'd attempt to
concoct an alibi, by way of de-
Tense"
mo, sub, ah didn' concok de alley
by way of de fence. 1 jest, walk out
de gate
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1906-01-06
DiSapproved-

Mamma-Why don't you play with
Johnny Jones?
lommy-He shoots craps for money
Mamma-My dear child, And you
don't think that's nice, do you?
Tommy-Naw; he always wins
everything 1 got
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1906-01-06
Ladies and Gents.

shes engaged, amt she?" asked
the naughty blonde at the ribbon
counter.
YES" replied the one who con.
descended to sell laces, hes that new
saleslady's brother"
where's he employed at?''
Hes a night-watch- gentleman over
to Bargain & Co.'S
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1906-01-06
Quite Tired.

..See here" said Mrs. Starvem after
the new Eoarder'ss first meal, when
agreed to give you reduced rates you
told me you were light eater
so | am. ma'am," he replied. I'm
the Human Salamander at the mu-
scum. You'd oughter see me swallow
turnin' torches.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1906-01-06
Prcof Positive.

The Mule Idiot-"But how can / be
sure that you love me?"
The Female Ditto-"Rememher that
l have had many chances to marry
handsome men, clever men and inter
esting men-and yet l accepted you-
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1906-01-06
Time for Bruin to Dine.

Krag-Suppose you were in a cor
ner, 100 miles from help with wall
of rock on three sides of you and a
grizzly bear on the fourth, what
would you do?
Jorgenseon latter long deliberation)
I'D say grace for the bear.-CouncD
Bluffs Nonpareil.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1906-01-06
An Exclamation.

Tommy-Here something's gone and
stole my rabbit. l wonder if it was
the cat or what it was?
Patrick-Sure, / can't tell at all, at
all. When 1 came out here this morn
in all could see of the rabbit was the
COOP.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1906-01-06
Her Case.

Nonsense. who told you Miss Pret-
ty has a good Disposition"
why, she's always smiling Doesn't
that show a good disposition"
mot necessarily; sometimes 1t
merely shows good teeth and dimples-"
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1906-01-06
Poor sIavel

Nov, Susie,' said the teacher, "if
your father should agree to work for
$3.50 day and at the end of six days
should bring home $13 would that be
right?"
mo, ma'am," replied Susie, IAN it
wouldn't take ma long to tell him So
you bet you"
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1906-01-06
unenthusiastic.

BE studious, my son. said the ha-
ritual adviser, "and you may have a
tablet in the Hall of Fame"
Yes" answered the captious youth.
"and be pointed out as an example of
V hat ordinary people get in while real
genius is excluded"
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1906-01-06
Defined.

HE has a bad habit of calling every
one "a dub
Yes, he's a New Yorker, you
know
"Well?"
Well, a New Workers. idea of a
dub is any one who doesn't live in
New York.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1906-01-06
What He Wants Most.

81 suppose you are one of the peo-
pie who long for old-fashioned home
cooking?"
NO" answered Mr.. Cumrox, 81
don't deceive myself. What long for
is the kind of stomach / used to have
when I was young and lived at home
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1906-01-06


before them: and owls, crows and
eagles, hawks, and all kinds of birds
that live along the Platte and it's
tributaries. Just how many wild ami
mails were there 1 do not know. but I
have heard it said among them were
bears, wolves, foxes, mountain lions,
badgers, elks, coons and deer, all
drawn together, like one great family,
with no idea of harming each other.
The coming Dark Moon had brought
them; the first to appear during their
existence.
"tThis Dark Moon is to last all
night, I hear said a coon.
Yes replied a mountain lion.
Spike and Spangle, and the little
neighbor bear, were among the last
to leave, and, so it happened, no one
went their way. Off to the right they
knew lay their home, and with Spike
in the lead they were soon trotting
along, up one hill and down another,
now scaling a canon, by the aid of
scrub pines, to which they chung, and
occasionally tumbling headlong, they
made their way, until splash! they
fell into the Plate
"They had lost their bearings. Lit
tie Spangle growled and whined, as
Dor bear cheered her up, and assuiSd
her they would soon find the way out.
But they didn't find their way, and
all night wandered in the woods, and
climbed more hills. Then came the
sun-peep, bu. they were many miles
from home. 1t was almost noon when
they reached the end of their journey.
1.-THE mother bear had been out
hunting them and when she was told
of the visit to the view-cliff up the
canon, she was angry, and growled
great deal. And she did more, too.
She took all three little cubs into the
den and closed the door. One at a
time she placed them across her knee
and oh! how she spanked. Nor did
she forget to spank the little neigh
Dor bear
This ended the story of old Ma-wa-
nee, and the little red children crept
out of the tepee and were gone.
Outside the north wind scurried
along, gathering the reach-po1es over
head; the great snow-clouds had piled
higher, and old Ma-wa-nee shivered.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1906-01-06
Too Much Advice.

Dumley-Say, you'd better take
something for that cold, old man.
Now
v'ise-Don't offer me any more,
pleese; I've taken too much already.
Dumley-Too much what?
Wise-Advice
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1906-01-06
Merely a Choice Of Evils.

why do you ask that woman's
youngest child to recite?"
because answered Miss Cayenne,
eit ives the only way to keep the eld-
est child from playing the piano"
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1906-01-06
Lost Her Baby.

The sheep is usually set down for
model of stupidity; but a gentle
man who has just returned from a
three years trip in the West tells the
following story 81 was on horse
back great part of the time and
often visited large sheep ranches. One
day, while riding along, a moSker
sheep trotted up to my horse 1t
ing pitifully- At last I made OUT ~
there was something wrong off TOWARD
the left followed the sheep in that
direction and soon found the cause
OF her distress. Her lamb had fallen
into shallow pit and could not get
out | lifted the little thing up, and
the gratitude in the mother sleeps
eye will always be a source of conso
1ation to me.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1906-01-06
Just the Thinn

Miss Bangs bought copy of that
new march song to-day, Mr.. Staylate
I'll play it for you.
Mr.. Staylate-Is it good?
Miss Bangs-Oh, splendid to march
to.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1906-01-06
Dark Deeds.

There are black doings going on
behind the closed doors of that So
called studio"
do tell. What kind of doings-.'
Charcoal sketching
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1906-01-06
Painters.

Painters.
Sue Brette-I see Mr.. Kendall. the
noted English actor, has a second vo-
cation. inasmuch as he is a successful
painter.
Foote Lighte-Oh. well, it's not un-
usual for an actor to make up himself
Quite Stranger
First Clubman Where's - Smith
tonight
Second Clubman-~His wife sent
him one of her AT home cards to-day,
and guess he's taken the hint"
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1906-01-06


il o
Crittenden press. [volume] (Marion, Ky.) 1879-1907, 1906-09-13
CIR Anthtnkahlr
iii 5rtrntp
By ARTHUR BENNINGTON.

turning charging with asking
to believe the "unhnkable'
began when of science published
stating that he rejected Christianity because Of its articles
in the light of modern science unthnkabe and citing
of doctrines of the Trinity tranubsantaon
of the dead To this famous writer replied
asking discoveries and theories
any understand believe than those religion
He attention the words of modern
example One OF these writes gravy the properties OF bod
than three dimensions Euclid the founder of
mathematics popounled axiom that nothing
three dimenonsength breadth and thickness line
has length neither breadth thickness surface
and BREADTH but thickness solid has length breadth
breadth thickness But this modern OF
which have length BREADTH thickness and
other dimensions for he that is
have infinite number only four Another great
writing oemny of infinite noSed in other
another of the possibility drawing
OF lines parallel straight line through given
point while still another proves beautifully his satisfaction
that impossible draw line parallel to another line
Modern science" whose certain reject the doc
Christianity nthnkabe, has hesitation asking
world believe such seemingly untnkabe propositions
nothing of the marves of wireless egraphy
radum which, few equally 'unthnkabe
back and forth the OF science stand
ing bravey to guns and the Of faith laughing
sleeves at the Of their learned antagonists while gem
public getting mental gymnastics such has had
in generations
Crittenden press. [volume] (Marion, Ky.) 1879-1907, 1906-09-13
JAWS AS WEAPONS.
Chief Means of Defense Among All
Old World Apes.

Old World Apes.
Among all old world aDcs the teeth
are the chief weapons for defense
against natural foes and for combats
for mates or tribal supremacy. The
CANNES are i'm most cases enormously
developed. inSomuch that i'll informed
naturalstS have suggested that near
relationship must exist between the
primates and the caInivora. As mat
ter of fact. these formidable teeth have
nothing to do with Authorization, but
are as purely weapons of war as are
the bayonet and the Maxim gun. In
practically every emergency demand
ing unusual energy, OhStinacy and
courage they come into play.
In every conflict with the world. the
flesh and the devil-as such things are
understood in pithecoid sOciety-the
temporal and masseter muscles are the
chief arbiters of war. To become a
great and powerful anthropOid il is alb
sOlutely and brutally necessary to have
a large and strong jaw, to give them at
taChment TO the teeth and good lever
age to the muscles. That for an inn
mense epoch our prehuman ancestors
achieved success in life in like man.
ner is as clear as the print of Maya"
to those who have learned to read ma
lures handwriting.
Since those days of true Arcadian
simplicity our life has become bewil-
deringly complex and our methods for
settling social difficulties have changed
generally for the better. But here. as
in so many other instances, the habits
Of past age have left an indelible i'm
press on the nervous system.-Black-
woods Magazine.
Crittenden press. [volume] (Marion, Ky.) 1879-1907, 1906-09-13
Draughon's Chain OF 26 Colleges.

Elsewhere will be found an adver.
tisement of Draugh on S Practical
Business Colleges located at:
Paducah, KY, Evansville, Ind, St.
Louis, Mo-, Elpaso, Texas, Jackson,
Miss, Memphis, Tenn, Fort Worth,
Galveston, San Antonio, Waco, Den
ison, Texas, Oklahoma City, o. T.,
Shreveport, La, Little Rock, Fort
Smith, Ark, Moskogee, ]. T. Kan
sas City, Mo-, Fit. Scott, Kaps. Nash
vile, Tenn, Atlanta, Ca, Raleigh,
teen years. Incorporated $500, 600. 90
capital. Seventeen bankers on Board
Of Directors. Draughon's chain of
Colleges secure positions for those
who take the guarantee course or re-
fund every cent Of money paid for
tuition. For catalogue address j. b.
Draughon, Prest., at any of the
above places. tt
Crittenden press. [volume] (Marion, Ky.) 1879-1907, 1906-09-13
Her Naneaake.

When Mrs. Lombard heard that the
baby of her former cook had been
named for her she bought a suitable
rattle with many jingling bells and
went to see her namesake.
"Why, Bridget" she said TO the late
Miss Leahy, now Mrs. O'Sullivan, II
thought you said the baby was named
for me. My name is Hannah, and you
are calling the baby Celestine."
"Celestine L., ma'am." said Mrs.
O'Sulllvan hastily. THE T. is for
Lombard. and Celestne is just koind
of name to describe you. ma'am.
There amt amy Hannah to your looks,
Mrs. Lombard; amy wan would tell
you that."-Youth's Companion.
Crittenden press. [volume] (Marion, Ky.) 1879-1907, 1906-09-13
The Original.

Foley IL Co., of Chicago, origina-
ted Honey and Tar as throat and
lung remedy, and on account of the
great merit and popularity of Foley's
Honey and Tar many limitations are
offered for the genuine. These worth
less limitations have similar sounding
names. Beware of them. The genu-
inc Foley's Honey and Tar is in a
yellow package. Ask for it and re-
fuse any substitute. 1t is the best
remedy for coughs and colds. Woods
d Orme.
Crittenden press. [volume] (Marion, Ky.) 1879-1907, 1906-09-13
A MUSTARD PouLrIcE.
II Made . Lot of Trouble and Didn'N
Cure the Cold.


Lord Darlington used TO be a great
practical joker, but he was once the
victim of his own. reputation. Accord
ing to the Dundee Advertiser, he was
at hotel in Cape Town. In the same
hotel were young couple, and, the
husband having a bad cold, the wife
left her room TO obtain for him the
solace of a mustard poultice. She left
him asleep and. thinking she knew her
way, descended the stairs and. prOcur-
ing a particularly virulent connection,
made her way back to her room. Rut
doors are much alike in hotels and,
seeing one ajar, as she had left her
own. she entered. Creeping quietly to
the bedside, she saw. as she thought,
the form of her sleeping lord and mas
ter. Hastily bending over him. she
placed the fatal irritant upon his chest.
No sooner had she done so than q
movement of the sleeper revealed, to
her horror, that she had made terrible
mistake. Too frightened TO recapture
the incrimiuating pOultice, she fed
from the room and. rushing down the
passage, discovered her own door and
bolted herself in. 1t was but min
uie. and the storm broke. The hotel
was in an uproar. The mustard poul-
tice had been placed on the chest Of
the elderly governor general! The ex-
ploSion of his wrath, his bowls Of rage
as the mustard did its work. brought
servants and manager TO his bedside.
The situation did not permit of an
explanation. Furious with Indignation,
he declared himself the victim of a
gross joke. and the efforts of the mai
ire d'hotel to pacify him were in vain.
He swore that the practical joker was
nobody else than Lord Darlington, and
he next day, Tuning and indignant,
left the place. SO did Il very contrite
young wife and Il husband whose cold
was no better
Crittenden press. [volume] (Marion, Ky.) 1879-1907, 1906-09-13
A Remarkable Fortress.

In the northern part of Madagascar
is the most remarkable natural fortress
in the world. 1t is occupied by wild
tribe who call themselves the people
of the rocks. The fortress is lofty
and PERCEPTIONS rock Of enormous size,
1000 feet high and eight square miles
in area. Its sides are so steep that il
cannot he climbed without artificial
means. Within it is hollow, and the
only entrance is by subterranean
passage.
Crittenden press. [volume] (Marion, Ky.) 1879-1907, 1906-09-13
Origin Of the sidesaddIe.

The use of the sidesaddle for women
riders is traced to the time of Anne of
Bohemia, eldest daughter of the en-
peror of Germany, who married Rich
ard ii. OF England. Previous to this
date all Englishwomen bestrode their
horses man fashion, but on account Of
deformity this German bride was
forced to use a sidesaddle, and the Gus
tom became general.
Crittenden press. [volume] (Marion, Ky.) 1879-1907, 1906-09-13

1t may not be to the credit OF man.
kind. but in this world no man is "giv-
en- chance II he wants chance he
has to throw it down and sit on its
neck.-Columbia State.
Crittenden press. [volume] (Marion, Ky.) 1879-1907, 1906-09-13
III. M4.A<.

PariS-like Athens
of old, ever seeking
some new thing" lis
agitating itself over a
m ost extraordinary
controversy in the
newspapers. It is the
old antagonism of sci
ence and religion, but
this time it is religion
Crittenden press. [volume] (Marion, Ky.) 1879-1907, 1906-09-13
A Plea For Cnnnihnlism.

Bronson Alcott, the Concord philoso-
pher. once made a strong and almost
unanswerable plea for cannibalism. IF
you are going to eat meat at ALL" ar
gued the Yankee Plato, why not eat
the bCstT'
Crittenden press. [volume] (Marion, Ky.) 1879-1907, 1906-09-13

~ boy England by no possibility the condi-
AE tons placed back where they six months ago.
RNlN The question whether spoiled the child spare
KxA the rod 5000 years ago, but whether hereafter will
spoil the child by swinging the rod Solomon has
80 been the idol OF the rod but it is
nowhere recorded that the herod theory made Solo
model morality Nor there statistics available which
prove that the boys who much whipped good boys that
they grow good whipping proves in the
home the school and the jail those who indulge and frequent
punishment establish vicious and criminal tendencies
The idea that punishment refomaorv as much
letting No breaks colt he trains it, No
express company other establishment that has many and valuable
will allow any employee strike speak harshy horse
One with than horses dsnisses without
mony any who shows violence excitement toward horse
would be aduded insane who should claim that tang colt
made good horse
The making OF bad boy good great proposition.
accomplished by suppression subugaon by lettering hamper
ing The boys purpose changed his DESIRES aspirations
face and purpose There must be relish m
better things.
Fear out of date in dealing Americans odd young The
greater the physical financial the keener the
undertake The rage football is intensified by the
hazard OF it, College presidents and parents who never played may cry
against its danger but fellow with mee has been heard to
whine because he might hurt killed. Prospect OF physical
pain deterrent force in america to-day That is no longer
mode OF approach in reform Even fear gaows
when purposes murder Men and boys find keenest relish doing
whatever represents the greatest risk
No bad boy is made good by being terrozed fellow who will
do dare anything simply from of the physical
sequences would be regarded sissy and boy prefers be
wounded lion than a living sissy
ANY appeal boy OF spirit to-day approach him from the
standpoint doing things Judge Indseys greatest
bad boys of Denver that he always has them do
that they expected be do When he sends
the eomatoy miles alone after he has lodged
police DAYS that boy would die
up When the Judge let every boy the industrial
Denver for day when the G. A. R. had possession
boy determined that only he but other h
should and good condition There
in behaving oneself in city crowd than anything
presented itself Trusting thrasng makes bad boy
when the trusting represents appeal heroic conduct
Whipping will not make bad boy good
in America to-day but il may make f% M' ~
good boy bad - ~ ~
Crittenden press. [volume] (Marion, Ky.) 1879-1907, 1906-09-13
DRAUGHON'S

Practical Business Colleges.
Elsewhere in this issue will be
found a special offer made by Drau-
ghou's Practical Business Colleges,
chain of ~ colleges, an offer that
will doubtless interest YOU. Read
;.
Crittenden press. [volume] (Marion, Ky.) 1879-1907, 1906-09-13
A Guaranteed Cure For Piles

Itching, Blind, Bleeding, Producing
Piles. Druggists are authorized to
refund money if Pazo Ointment fails
to cure in to II days. SOC.
Crittenden press. [volume] (Marion, Ky.) 1879-1907, 1906-09-13
ZZ,-1Irtpptn9 IN l,cfr~:t,t
BnyH JH C9ut nf Datr
By A. e. WINSHIP,
Editor of the journal of Education.

HE worlds progress is largely determined in crises The
inertia OF human nature makes necessary intense pub
lie interest in order to radus tendencies OF thought and
action combination of circumstances has changed
the relation of the home the school and the to the
boy in New England and by possibility the cond-
tons be placed back where they six months ago.
The question is whether it spoiled the child to spare
the rod 1000 years ago, but whether hereafter you will
Crittenden press. [volume] (Marion, Ky.) 1879-1907, 1906-09-13
Local Time Table |. C. Railroad

See our 10c assortment of granite
and tinware. We are 'I-T" when il
comes to prices Hicklin Bros.
Crittenden press. [volume] (Marion, Ky.) 1879-1907, 1906-09-13

Beware OF looking at sin, for at each
view it is apt to become better looking.
success Magazine.
El Democrata fronterizo. [volume] (Laredo, Tex.) 1896-1920, 1906-10-13
Los C0|lyeCuC1CI0S
Dc ID 0|g0|0dQ.
el Porvenir.
Pensen1os en-

va es un hecho comprabado
que las alarmantes noticias de
un movimiento revolucionario
en- la Repdblica Mexicana, ca.
recen del interes que al princi
pio Sc les quiso dar, y que la
acci6n rapida Y energica del
Gobierno acab6 pronto con la
gavilla que Sc alz5 en- Jime-
nez, del Estado de Coahuila.
Por otra parte; qued6 plena
mente comprobado que una
intentona revolucionaria no 90
10 no puede tener exito en- Nc
xico, sino que absolutamente
no encontrala simpatizadores,
porque nadie, que piense con
juicio, aceptara la revoluci6n
como soluci6n de los profile.
mas economics -sociales que
han ocasionado, como dljimos
en- nuestro pasado uGmero, ell
malestar que Sc nota en- todas
las classes de Mexico.
Els inconcuso, tambien, que,
aun en- Ell caso de que algunos
ilusos Sc lanzaran a los campos
revolucionarios, ell Gobierno
tiene elementos sobrados para
asegurar prontamente la paz
y para castigar severamente &
los rebeldes.
Todo este undo, hace que to
dos tengan plena confianza yno
den importancia a las noticias
exageradas que, de vez en- vez,
lanzan. lcs peri6dicos america.
nos d los que les son enviadas
tambien por arnericanos resi-
dentes en- Mexico, y que no
nos ceuocen mas que por ell pa
sado o por .relaciones fantasti.
cas- de revisteroa . turistas
amantes del sscaudalo exaga.
rado.