Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1906-11-10
JOBS0N AS A PROPHET

/ when MI. Jobson gets out OF bed on the
wrong side in the morning his rebelliotis
mood makes him "agfn and ..forninst''
any and all ideas that Mrs Jobson may ex-
press This is the way It was on election
morning. Mr.. Jobson came downstairs to
breakfast with crouch. Mrs. Jobson OBJ
served the crouch. Therefore. to start
something pleasant. she said. as she
poured the coffee, We'll. this is a fine day
for the election, and suppose that Mr..
Hughes Is already just as good as elected -
MIR. Jobson had been Hughes man risnt
along. and. naturally enough, in the cir
cuinstances Mrs. Jobson figured that she
was making a kind of a HIT But Mr.. job
! son looked up at her from his newspaper
with baleful glare.
'Oh. you do. do your he inquired of her
Ia that breakfast-table tone. Huh. That
settles 1t! II You say SO. Hughes wins in a
walk. You know all about it, of course. The
situations got all of the gray-haired old
! politicians and heelers of New York tied in
borknots, trying to study out what's going
to happen, but you know the whole thing.
Fine! By the, way, what job do you suppose
Hughes is running for. anyhow? wouidn I
be surprised if you thought he is running
for dog catcher of Buffalo. What's he run
ming TOR, if-you please?"
''Why, for governor of New York. of
course replied Mrs. Jobson.
H.
once said Mr.. Jobson, with a disappointed
look. Il didn't know but what you might
be imagining that Hughes was running lof
calIph of Bagdad or nizam of Hyderabad Or
grand llama OF Thibet or school trustee OF
keokuk or roadmaster Of Kokomo-o or some
thing like that. That's the way women
generally get things hashed up. And so
you're for Hughes, hey? What for? What
makes you think it such cinch that he $
already elected they say? Who told
you all this?"
why" began Mrs. Jobson, didn't you
You can get into more frances in a
given space of time than any of these cabi-
net mediums that give six performances a
Jobson. Hughes, hey? It's pipe for
Hughes. is it? All over but the shouting
for Hughes, hey? Fine! You have said it,
and it goes. You're a wonder You're great,
HoOray for you!"
But" once more began Mrs Jobson,
vainly. didn't you yourself tell me that
Mr.. Hughes would be
"Where'd you get that Hughes prophecy,
anyway? Been reading the goose-bone? Or
did your washlady tell you that Hughes
was going to eonnect?"
my dear" said Mrs. Jobson. 81 got it
from you. You've been saying right along
that Mr.. Hughes would surrey be elected
and of course thought you knew all about
it, and l.
Never said Hughes would be elected in
my life." declared Mr.. Jobson. resolutely.
*.
you'd stop eating apples and candy before
you go to bed-you trance all these things,
and your dreams are SO vivid that you be-
leve EN- yourself. and then you throw .em
up to me in the morning. I never"
But" interrupted Mrs. Jobson, don t
you really think that Mr.. Hughes will
Madam, I'm not losing any of my natu-
raj rest plugging for Mister Hughes, as you
call him." said Mr.. Jobson. Il don't know
anything about Mister Hughes, except that
he's got bushel or so of whiskers. What's
Mister Hughes to me, anyhow? What did
he ever do for me? What did he ever do
for anybody except Mister Hughes? Do
you think I'm going out in the back yard
and throw my hat up in the air for fellow
VINO parts the hair on his face with a
he's all right, and that he's going to be
elected to the job he's hunting for?''
But" said Mrs. Jobson, deprecatingly,
you yourself have often said during the
see Hearst elected, and that
Mister Hearst, if you please. madam -
cut in Mr.. Jobson, severely. Hes just as
much Mister as Hughes. and you only
a handle to his name and choppng the
other ones off. Mister Hearst is
Why" exclaimed Mrs. Jobson, you
don't really think that he has chance in
the world to be elected? -
II don't. hey?." said Mr. Jobson. .WeA,
there's another spot where you've got an
additional guess a-coming. not only
believe that there's chance in the world
| for him to be elected, but / think that he
ought to be elected. Hpw's that?"
But, my dear" said Mrs. Jobson, aston
ished, haven't you been declaring right
| along that his election would mean anarchy
in this country, and that if he"
And that he ought to be elected,
madam" repeated Mr.. Jobson, wholly ig-
noring her remark. "Ought-to-be-electe
-and-wiA-be-elected That's what said
4 foJ1 I, Ife.yr
that humble platitudes don't get anybody
anything. What l want to see in this coun-
try is some action. This fellow Hearst
Mister Hearst. 1 mean-is doing things.
He has done things. He knows hoy to do
things. He's incorruptible. He's got bank
roll that would clutter the main feed pipe
of the filtration plant, doest want any
| more. doesn't care two boots about
money, anyhow-everybody knows that.
Nobody could buy him. He is am
bilious, of course. but they've got to
show me that ambition is any crime in this
| mans country. They cackle that he wants
to be President of the United States. / sup
pose he's the only one that wants the job.
Ell? It's crime for him to banker for that
billet. is it, when it's only a worthy am
bition for the other ones to scheme for it?
Fine? Well, me for Hearst-Mister Hearst
and him for me. That's ALL
But" ventured Mrs. Jobson. haven't
you really charged your ideas a good deal
since you said that IS election would mean
up and that
You want to stop mixing up my re-
marks with the editorials you read, Mrs.
Jobson," said Mr.. Jobson, severely. Il
haven't used the word panic for thirty-five
years, and you know it. This Hearst duck
Mister Hearst, l should have said-has
got gnarled club after these trust people,
and that's going to win for him. Folks are
getting pretty tired of all these hot-air
promises when it costs 'em about twice
as much to get anything to eat OF wear now
as 1t did ten years ago. I'm for the man
that's showed he knows how to do things,
and that's the reason I'm for this-for
Mister Hearst-with him from soup to nuts,
and that's all there is about it,
And you really think he will be elected,
them" inquired MrsSa Jobson.-
did you ever know me~to get in wrong
with an election prediction inquired Mr..
Jobson, preening himself You bet he'll be
elected He'll have landslide in his favor.
He'll sweep the state of New York like a
typhoon. Just remember what I'm telling
YOU, please, for future reference. l want
it to go on record. Mister-Hearst-will-
be-overwhelming- Got that? All
right. Remember it. Say, this coffee is
rotten, and the buffers rancid. and the
eggs taste stale.
Then Mr. Jobson. still in possession of
his wrong-side-o crouch, departed
for his office