St. Johns review. (Saint Johns, Or.) 1904-current, 1906-03-30

t@t-ADA
About this time of year in St.
Johns the lid seems to come off.
Two Japanese at Gresham tried
to thaw dynamite last Saturday.
They are scrapanese now.
Troutfshing season will open on
Sunday. Itll be toss-up with the
kids whether it is to be a good time
now or wait for the Sunday school
picnic.
After soaking in the Columbia
three weeks piano is found TO be
improved Il tone. Most anything
will improve the tone of some
pianos.
a Portland woman stole perfume
to buy whiskev. Why didn't she
steal the drink directl It's these
confounded middle men who cause
the trouble.
Lumber has advanced 81 per
thousand within one year. At this
rate lumber in a lumber country
will soon be a. high as apples at
Hood River.
over in Vancouver when a man
strikes his wife he gets thirty days
in iail-while she hustles around
aud gets washing enough to carry
him dainties.
In Germany people are now eat
ing dogs and cats. | thought
they'd get on To our American ways
before many years. Oars are
canned, though.
\ Portland woman who was
chased by a man Saturday night
hid under her bed. I'll bet she
FIRST stopped to see 1t there was a
man under there!
Say, wouldn't il be mighty
good joke OF your ncighbor To
,traighien up that line fence aud
nail OF the few loos; boards' DO
it-then yell April ioolW
No matter how much bowling
may he done about sending away
lor goods I've noticed that unless
home folks do COOL advertising
buyers will continue to send away.
Next year election day in this
city VIII come on April l. There
will be many people in st. Johns
next Tuesday who will believe Il
should have come on fools day
this year.
An Oregon City man last week
put up $3.50 OF real money 10 get
$1,000 in counterfeit. Some OF
those Oregon City people would
willingly buy bottled climate II the
loolkiller didn't get busy.
According to a Portland paper a
Chinaman was stabbed the other
night in the north end, Ii the
assailant desired To get at the
fellows brains he'll have to do
better work OH the compass,
4 Chicago girl who was divorced
the day after she was married eN-
cused her impoliteness by declaring
that she wasn't very well ac-
quainted with the fellow, anyway
and didn't care ii she did hurt
his feelings,
When YOU see a man who has
"been out the night before go
into a bakery YOU may safely be he
buys a charlotte russo, II has
been ascertained that a "russe' is
the best known remedy for "the
morning after
The Pessimist' in the Oregon
ian says Five ladies and a lat
woman entered the car" What is
the weight-limit between a lady"
and "womanG' How fat does a
lady have to be before she may |
be classed as a real woman ~"
And wouldn't il be better to cut out
hat lady business and call every
good woman "woman ?"
We have heard OF the pastor who
said that there were few souls in
lis audience SO small that one hun
lred million OF them could wander
me hundred billion years in an ex-
awaited mustard seed and never
meet, We have heard of another
Who declared that some souls in his
audience could travel eight hum
lred millions abreast through the
We OF a tiny needle and none of
hem be within seeing distance of
mother. But It remained for a
Portland writer to assert that a man
vas "a two-spot in a seven'high
traightw
THnRN