davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The morning Astorian. [volume] (Astoria, Oregon) 1899-1930, 1906-01-18

By vsgary in composition, which
We regret, We seemed yesterday to east
some doubts on the latinity of the Hon.
John Sharpe Williams. We paraphras.
ed and did not quote; and Mr.. Williams
was entirely blameless. II is known
of all the world that the gentleman from
Mississippi is as facile master of
Latin "as she was spoke on Via Appia
as he is with German as she is spoke, in
the shades of "Alt Heidelberg.7-Ex.
The morning Astorian. [volume] (Astoria, Oregon) 1899-1930, 1906-01-18

There are had tidings from Arizona
"The Tombstone prospector' hawails
the decadence OF morals and manners
Conspicuous citizens are taking TO wear
ing boiled shirts and the other habii'
ments of an eifetc civilization. "Eyery
symptom,' adds our disgusted contcm'
pomry, points to tendency to spread
on style in Tombstone, Among other
instances In this direction the hoys
bought a pair Of beautiful barber pole
suspenders and presented them TO the
amiable dispenser who shoves the ann
her extract OF ehecriulness over the ma
hogany Of the parlor saloon. lie prompt
" douned the innovation. but claimed
that he felt like he had fence rail on
each shoulder. Then, when they be-
came oyerburdensome, he would uneot'
ton them and permit them TO danglc In
front; but he finally got them down fine
enough to 80 to church in
The morning Astorian. [volume] (Astoria, Oregon) 1899-1930, 1906-01-18

on to- the value Of advertising, in THEN
competition for the trade Of Manchuria
as against western rivals. Il happen.
that the Mikados government and the
Bri,ish.Americaa Tobacco Company are
both engaged in the sale Of cigarettes,
and that the Japs are doing more ad.
vertising among the oclcstials than
their western competitors The phila.
delphia Record thinks that; "Now
that advertising has become factor in
Japan's onward push, the western ma
tions viii have a hard run for their
money Ii says also that "the com.
mercial progress OF Japan has been
But when we remember
the little people are called the Yankees
Of the Orient" that is not to be Won
iered at. We ought to he proud Of
our pupils.
The morning Astorian. [volume] (Astoria, Oregon) 1899-1930, 1906-01-18

In view OF some current chatter about
alleged intrigues, plots and ominou.
complications over the next pan.Ameri.
can Congress, Il is to be recalled that
on December o last, at meeting at
Washington, in which the United States,
Brazil. Mexico Hayti. Costa Riea,
Nicaragua, Chill, Cuba, Bolivia, Guate'
mala. Argentine. Colombia. Venezuela,
uruguay. Paraguay and Ecuador were
represented, the Brazilian government
invited the congress TO meet at Rio
Janeiro on July |, 1906, and the invita-.
tion was unanimously accepted. That
incident would seem to have settled the
place Of meeting. and to make any sub.
sequent intimations or suggestions Of
no significance.
The morning Astorian. [volume] (Astoria, Oregon) 1899-1930, 1906-01-18

Stephenson said, at would be bad for
the COO that got in the way of a loco.
motive. Since that time there have
been almost countless yerifeations Of
the prediction, where a single animal
was involved With a drove of cattle.
however, the situation is changed. An
xpress train tried the other day to
force its way through such an obstacle
in the outskirts Of Lynn, and "trafIic
was suspended for nearly an hour" in
consequence. There are limits to the
capacity even Of the modern engine.
The morning Astorian. [volume] (Astoria, Oregon) 1899-1930, 1906-01-18

Two welcome developments are to bs
noted in relations between Chill and
the United States. One is the action Of
the Gillian government IN selecting an
American bank, in this city, as = de-
pository for sSoo0ooo or more Of the
Chilian gold reserve. The other Is the
increase in trade between the two eoun.
tries. IL Is true that our sales TO Chill
are not increasing much, which is chief.
" our own fault; but Gillian sales TO
this country have nearly trebled in the
last 1--we years, and in both imports and
exports the United States now stands
third on Chili's list. Great Britain being
first and Germany second. II is earn
estly to be hoped that these conditions
indicate a passing away of the unfortu.
nate antagonism which few years ago
prevailed between the two countries,
and substantial growth of mutual
confidence and cordial friendship.
The morning Astorian. [volume] (Astoria, Oregon) 1899-1930, 1906-01-18

The color line has been drawn in
Pittsburg, with a difference. Bishop
Canevin, of that diocese Of the Church
of Rome. has forbidden all white
Catholics from worshipping in st. Bene.
diets Church, not because they are oh.
jectionable on account OF their complex.
ion, but because he fears they may in
time crowd out the black men. for whom
the church. was set apart exclusively.
At the same time he does not forbid
negroes of that faith from worshipping
in other churches.
The morning Astorian. [volume] (Astoria, Oregon) 1899-1930, 1906-01-18
CHANGE or rlxz
rAs sal.imer. . oAls Railroad

Commencing Sunday. November 10.
train No. Q. the Royal Blue Limited. viii
leave Grand Central passenger station,
Chicago at 8 p. M. instead Of $50 p. m.
and win arrive In Pittsburg at oiss q,
m. Washington at siAo p, m, Baltimors
s,oo p, m. Philadelphia, sile p. m. New
York lo,to p. m. tho same ss with the
old schedule. thus reducing the time
one hour and thirty minutes. No excess
faro win be charged on this fast limited
train. All other trains win arrive and
depart the same as formerly. stop.over
Is allowed at Washington. Baltimore and
Philadelphia, not TO exceed ten days, at
each place. on oil hrst.elass through
tickets.
The morning Astorian. [volume] (Astoria, Oregon) 1899-1930, 1906-01-18
MAKES WORK EASIER.
Astoria People Are Pleased to Learn
How II is Done.

habOIld rcVpic hIt Ficaseu " Lsaih
How II is Done.
It's pretty hard to attend TO duties
With constantly aching back;
With annoying urinary disorders.
Doan's Kidney Pills make work easier
They cure backache.
They cure every kidney III.
John J. Keating, painter Of 3Oli First
street, Portland. Ore. says: Il had
dull, aching pains in my back for a
number Of years. They were often 80
severe that | had to quit work for two
or three days at time. The kidney
seeretions were irregular and scalding
and | suffered also from headaches and
dizziness. My back was always lame
and sore in the morning. Physicians
failed to help me and no medicine did
me any good until began using Doan's
Kidney pills. They relieved the uri.
nary difficulty and the heavy aching in
the back disappeared.
Plenty more proof like this from
Astoria people. Call at Charles Rogers
drug store and ask his customers re-
port.
For sale by all dealers. Price, 80
cents. Foster Miburn Co., Buffalo, N.
Y, sole agents for the United States.
Remember the name = Doan's = and
take no other
The morning Astorian. [volume] (Astoria, Oregon) 1899-1930, 1906-01-18

Corean currency exists in various
grades-frst, government nickels; sec.
ond, first class counterfeits; third, me.
dium eounterfeits; fourth, counterfeits
that pass only after dark. Civilization
has not served Corea well in this regard
that japanese neighbors are clever
counterfeiters. In earlier days Coreans
used small shells as currency. They
we're probably better suited to the
needs Of the hermits than nickel coins.
The morning Astorian. [volume] (Astoria, Oregon) 1899-1930, 1906-01-18
sIckenins shiyering Fits

of Ague and Malaria. can be relieved
and cured with Electric Bitters. This
Is a pure. tonic medicine; Of especial
benefit in malaria. for II exerts a true
curative influence on the disease. driv.
ing II entirely out Of the system. It Is
much to be preferred to Quinine. hav.
ing none Of this drugs bad after-efects.
Z. s. Munday, Of Henrietta, Tex,
writes. MY brother was very low with
malarial fever and jaundice. till he
took Electric Biters. which saved bis
life" At Charles Rogers, drug StOrej
price SOC. guaranteed.
The morning Astorian. [volume] (Astoria, Oregon) 1899-1930, 1906-01-18
The narser.s Substitute.

"what in tho world do you want with
a phonographr
"oh. you see. I'm a creature Of habit.
! started recently to shave myself"
"Wellr' 4
''But | find can't concentrate my
mind on the Job unless accompanied by
a steady dow Of horse. baseball and
pugllistic taxi Louisville Courier.
Journal.
The morning Astorian. [volume] (Astoria, Oregon) 1899-1930, 1906-01-18

Probably round trip tickets TO the
Isthmus and back. with twenty-eight
hours stop.oyer in Colon. will not here.
after carry coupon for inseribing the
results of an exhaustive study of all
existing conditions in the Canal Zone.
The morning Astorian. [volume] (Astoria, Oregon) 1899-1930, 1906-01-18

An interview witi the Sultan Of
Turkey has It's amusing side. That
monarch is not supposed officially to
know any language but his own. An
interpreter thunders his mapesty's ques'
tions at the visitor. then cringes with
awe a. he listens to the words Of his
royal master. The contrast is close to
the ridiculous. At the conclusion Of
the interview the Sultan rises and says
quietly in the visitors language or in
French: Now that our business is
over will you join me in my study and
have a cup Of cofeel"
The morning Astorian. [volume] (Astoria, Oregon) 1899-1930, 1906-01-18
A Coed Mas.

Nelghbor--That tenant Of yours Ia
the top fiat Is most dIsreputable per
son. He gets drunk six nights In the
week, beats bis wife. maltreats his chill
dren. and | have good reason TO be-.
lieve that his moral character Is as bad
as his habits.
Landlord-oh. surely. you must be
mistaken! He pays his rent regularly
on the first day Of every month";
Somerville Journal.
The morning Astorian. [volume] (Astoria, Oregon) 1899-1930, 1906-01-18

Washington correspondents say Con.
gressmen are trying to undermine
Roosevelt's popularity. Nevertheless,
there may be a question who will be in
the hole when il caves in.
The morning Astorian. [volume] (Astoria, Oregon) 1899-1930, 1906-01-18

Of matrimony, which Is hoped by all
their relatives and friends to be the
iaitiatcry to long and peaceful life
which may In its continued experience
be the epitome Of all happiness aud re.
ceive the richest blessings which heaven
has to hestow.s
The morning Astorian. [volume] (Astoria, Oregon) 1899-1930, 1906-01-18

Under the caption "Hymeneal" "The
Waurika News" has an eloquent we'd
ding notice. II starts out thus: "The
full fruition Of all youthful aspirations
was realized IN the final contamination
Of long and intimate acquaintance by
the ceremony which united Jack Tur.
nell and Mamie Brand in the holy bonds
The morning Astorian. [volume] (Astoria, Oregon) 1899-1930, 1906-01-18
Reach Agreement.

London. Jan. l6.-The Standard this
morning gives prominence TO the state
ment that Great Britain and Russia
have arrived at an understanding for
a common course Of action in the Nor
roccan conference at Algeciras.
The morning Astorian. [volume] (Astoria, Oregon) 1899-1930, 1906-01-18

Hardup-f'll never 90 to that restau.
rant again. The last time I was there
q man got my overcoat and left his In
Its place.
welor-But the proprietor wasn't 20
blame. was her
mo. but I might meet the other
man. Translated For Tales From,
Fnmile-Jouru..
The morning Astorian. [volume] (Astoria, Oregon) 1899-1930, 1906-01-18

Secretary Taft reports he has reduced
his weight twenty pounds, but Mr.
Poultney Bigelow does not feel as Il
the Secretary had done any such thing.
The morning Astorian. [volume] (Astoria, Oregon) 1899-1930, 1906-01-18

Alissourians are still e.Sming ON in
the audable attempt to find out to
what extent they have been eome-ons.
The morning Astorian. [volume] (Astoria, Oregon) 1899-1930, 1906-01-18

Indiana now has town named for
her humorist and playwright, George
AIDE. This is not Fable. but Fact.
The morning Astorian. [volume] (Astoria, Oregon) 1899-1930, 1906-01-18
JAps TO ADVERTISE.

II seems. according TO the report Of
The American Consul. General at New
ehwang that the japanese have caught
The morning Astorian. [volume] (Astoria, Oregon) 1899-1930, 1906-01-18
. ><>~<t<><>e~>><<<
% EDITORIAL SALAD. .
. >>>><><<><<~<<< go

As the days begin TO lengthen the
colds begin to strengthen.
The morning Astorian. [volume] (Astoria, Oregon) 1899-1930, 1906-01-18
WEATHER.

= Oregon and Washington =
. Rain; gale along coast. =
. ~t<<>~~>~~e~~~<<<
The morning Astorian. [volume] (Astoria, Oregon) 1899-1930, 1906-01-18
SUBSCRIPTION RATES
WEEKLY AsroRIAN.
By mail. per year, In advance. .$l.oo

Entered as second-claSs matter June
- lsot, at the postoffsce at Astoria. ure-
ron. under the act Of Congress OF AarchS
Los Angeles herald., 1906-04-02
JOKER BROUGHT
DOWN THEHOUSE
HOTEL GUESTS TROOPED TO
THE PARLoRS
Just for April Fool Sport Wicked
Man Pushed All the Bells and
Stampede to ParIors
Resulted

"Ting- -a-ling" went the call bells in
the 100 rooms at the Alta Vista, q fash
ionable hotel at Third street and South
Bunker Hill avenue, yesterday noon,
and more than a hundred guests
tripped down stairs to find that they
were the victims of a practical joker
who was trying to impress others with
the fact that 1t was April Fools day.
In each room is an electric bell, con-
nected with the office. When q caller
enters the hotel and asks for some one
the clerk pushes n button and bell
rings in the room of the person wanted
in the parlor. A reply bell is rung in
the office to signify that the party is in.
This admirable system furnished the
joker a good opportunity to spring his
little surprise. 1t was noon and the
clerk was having his shoes polished
The unidentified guest rushed into the
office and pushed 100 buttons in rapid
succession and then fled.
Almost Immediately the gong began
to ring in response and the clerk rushed
excitedly in under the impression that
nothing less than fire or gruesome
tragedy was happening. Bang BOOM
bang" went the gong, and the affable
clerk dug into his hair and fell back
in his big chair.
In another minute the first instalment
of guests began to arrive on the ground
floor in search of the supposed viSi-
tors. Beautiful maidens expecting an
automobile ride; staid matrons hoping
to greet an eastern friend; young men
thinking that their girls were calling
them by telephone. The office became
crowded with excited people all be-
sieging the clerk with rapid fire of
questions.
Say, who is it that wants me?"
MY bell rang. What is the matter?"
Where is that young MANI"
The deluge of interrogatories fairly
deafened the clerk and he fled to the
street.
And still the guests trooped down
from the upper stories until more than
a hundred people were standing in the
corridors.
Some one shouted april Fool" and
then all caught on 10 the wicked joke
81 think that man ought to be
strangled," said the girl who expected
the auto ride. and all the rest of the
guests agreed.
Los Angeles herald., 1906-04-02
CONVICT-MADE WARES

CONGRESSMAN Kahn of San Francisco
has bill pending III the house pro-
viding for "the sale of convict-made
goods outside the state in which manu-
featured" The house committee on
labor has the bill under consideration
and Mr.. Kahn has given notice that he
will present his argument i'll favor of
the measure next Thursday.
The obvious purpose aimed at by Mr..
Kahn is to provide for marketing Cali
fornia convict-made wares i'll general
competition outside the state. Convict
labor, of course, involves no cost in the
form of wages. 1t is cheap labor boiled
down to the dregs. No doubt certain
lines of manufacturing might be oper-
ated profitably in our state prisons If
the goods could be sold abroad III
competition with skilled labor.
But California is not suffering for
such profits as might be derived from
the degradation of honest labor by pit
ting it against the wageless labor Of
criminals. The principle involved in the
Kahn bill is pernicious, 1t doess not
accord with public sentiment in this
state and the bill upon which it is
based should be defeated.
Los Angeles herald., 1906-04-02
B0SSIE Dimes ON ANGEL FOOD
Dull-Eyed Cow Eats Wedding Cake
and Spoils Celebration of Pet
zoIdt Nuptias
Special to The Herald.

Special to The Herald
NEW YORK, April 1.-Seldom has
Of the Petzoldt-Cr wedding cake and
Mrs. Petzoldt's cow. The wedding cake
is out of commission and If the COW
is not giving ice cream it is not from
lack of icing in the manufacturing de-
partment of that animal.
Harry Croft, father OF the bride,
Miss Anna Croft, came to Denver from
his ranch near Sullivan early in the
week and purchased Il cake for the
wedding that, as the psalmist says of
man, was 'fearfully and wonderfully
made" The cake had five terraces and
a cupola, with white glaciers of frosted
icing and terminal morraines of can
died cherries. On top of the cupola was
Cupid in the very act of blessing the
union of the lovers. Mr.. Croft put his
chef-d'ouvre of the bakers art in the
back of his blackboard and started
home in a state of great elation.
He drove by the Petzofdt ranch and
called the mother of the groom out of
the house to admire the scintillating
edifice of dough and sugar.
Herr Gott, daS list sehr schoen," eX-
claimed Mrs. Petzoldt, who was born
in Mechlenberg-Sch
'She's u bloomin' beauty" assented
Mr.. Croft, who is a native of York
shire, England. Then the parents
launched into Il discussion of the details
of the approaching marriage that took
their whole attention.
At thtis juncture Mrs. Petzoldt's COW
got busy. The bovine strolled compla-
Gently up to the rear of Croft's buggy
and contemplated the cake. Then the
cows tongue twisted gently around the
waist of Cupid and the chubby god of
love was engulfed with no more cere-
mony that if he had been compound
cathartic pill. The cupola of simmer
ing white disappeared as eXpeditiously.
the upper terrace followed and Bessie
was starting to MUNICH the third story
when Croft, hearing suspicious noise,
turned and gazed at the havoc.
"Your bloomin, bloody, blasted COW
has eat my cake!" he yelled, regardless
of grammar and rhetoric.
"Shoo- oo-oo!' screamed Mrs. Pet
Zoldt, addressing the COW, and followed
with all the strenuous inVectives of low,
high and middle German that can be
properly used by good "haus-frau."
Bessie, calm-eyed and placid, viewed
the results of her vandalism and lis
tened to the ebullition of two languages
without apparent excitement. Harry
Croft, like others who know young
Petzoldt, thinks his son-in-law a fine
fellow, but his temper got the better
of him.
'It was intended for bloomin' mule,
but q bloody COW got it," he said, and
he kicked the remains of the cake into
the Petzoldt barnyard and drove away.
Los Angeles herald., 1906-04-02
WILL DEVELOP BoRAx REGIONS
Tonopah and Tidewater Will Supplant
2O-Mule Teams in Death Valley

Few people realize what the building
of the Tonopah and Tidewater railroad
means for the development of mines i'll
Death valley and i'll Nevada mining
districts.
This broad gauge railroad is being
built at the rate of about a mile a day
from Ludlow, Cal. on the Santa Fe.
through and past the Amargosa valley,
that lies just south of Death valley, on
to Bullfrog, in the heart of the new
bonanza gold mining section of
Nevada.
According to the plans, this road will
reach Bullfrog about July l and will
then be built to Goldfeld and Tonopah.
Before the road reaches Bullfrog and
the precious metal region it will tap
the mammoth Lila G. boraX mine i'll
the Amargosa valley.
In the old days twenty-mule teams
were used to transport the products of
the borax regions and to supply the
miners with provisions. The growing
demands for boraX have made this
means of transportation totally made
quate.
The effect of the new road upon the
mining districts would be difficult to
estimate accurately, but it means a
general and thorough development of
the newest part of the United States.
The desert is doomed to be populated.
Already towns are springing UP almost
in a night in the sagebrush, and this
section will be a great producer of
metals as soon as It has transportation
fncilitieS
Los Angeles herald., 1906-04-02
Alphabet of Proverbs

A grain of prudence is worth a pound
of craft.
Boosters arc cousins of liars.
Character is the best asset.
Denying a fault doubles it.
Envy shoots at others and wounds
herself.
Foolish fear doubles danger.
God teaches us good things by our
own hands.
He has hard work who has nothing
to do.
1t costs more to revenge wrongs than
to suffer them.
Justice harms no one.
KnaVery is the worst trade.
Learning makes man fit company
for himself.
Modesty is guard to virtue.
Not to hear conscience is the way to
silence 1t.
one hour today is worth two tomor-
row.
Proud looks make foul work in fair
faces.
Quiet conscience is quiet sleep.
Richest is he that wants least,
Small faults indulged are little
thieves that let in great ones.
The boughs that bear most hang low
est.
Upright walking is sure walking.
Virtue and happiness are mother and
daughter.
Wise men make more opportunities
than they find.
YoH never lose by doing a good act
Philadelphia Record:
Los Angeles herald., 1906-04-02
LONG TERN LABOR CONTRACTS

At the bottom of all the coal strike
agitation an idea is disclosed that may
ultimately point the way to harmony
between labor and capital. That is the
plan, which seems to be almost unique
in the mining industry, of fixing wage
scales, etc, to be operative for long
periods. AS an example, the bitumi-
nous coal operators and miners made
a comprehensive agreement in 1903 to
cover a period of two years. Both sides
to the contract fulfilled the obligation
faithfully. The present break and the
impending strike result from failure to
agree upon a new basis to cover two
years in the future.
Now the fact that long term agree
ments have proved to be eminently sat
isfactory in averting trouble between
miners and operators shows that the un-
derlying principle of such agreements
is sound. The present failure to agree
upon another two-year term of har-
mony is not the fault of the plan. The
failure to continue the truce results
solely from an unyielding attitude
maintained by the recognized leaders
on both sides.
This experience in the coal industry,
Notwithstanding the dismal outlook just
now. points to a possible solution of
the labor problem in the not far dis
tant future. The coal strike, now the
cynosure of capital, labor and the
American public generally. will focus
attention upon the plan of long term
contracts between employers and work
ers. Whatever may be the outcome
of the strike, the folly of failing to
continue the truce another term will
be apparent to everybody. The strike
seems almost sure to be protracted
one, involving the loss of millions of
dollars on each side, together with
both loss and inconvenience to the pub
lie and probably suffering among the
miners families.
AS a consequence the fact will be
impressed upon the minds Of all
thoughtful observers that the long
term agreement plan, as remarked be-
fore, might be effective in averting
strikes in all lines of business. If
an agreement is practicable between
Los Angeles herald., 1906-04-02

employers and workers covering two
years, why not three years or five
years? And why should not such
agreements be made months instead of
weeks prior to the expiration of old
agreements, thereby avoiding such fric-
tion as is seen in the coal industry?
Furthermore, if the term system is
applicable to trade unions it should be
adaptable to all relations between cap
ital and labor, down to the individual
employer and worker. Such broad eX-
pansion of the plan, if feasible, would
abate uneasiness in the mind of the
worker, and of the employer as well,
there being no fear of sudden notion
of leave taking, on one hand, or of
sudden dismissal on the other.