davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Holbrook argus., 1906-08-04
DOMESTIC MISUNDERSTANDING.
The Boycott in China as Discussed at the Table.

The Boycott in China as Discussed
 at the Table.
 q see," said MT. Lampblack, looking up from his morning paper, "that there's q boycott In China"
 Do tell"' replied his wife, with an air of scorn, us she arranged the dishes ,n the table, and proceeded with an im' portant flourish to cut the bread. Come on and eat your breakfast, Nose, and don't consarn y.rself about that boy what's caught In China. There's been boys caught nearer home that I never heard tell of you mentioning, and why you should do so now Is more than know"
 You don't understand" said MT. Lampblack. "I have been reading in the paper on the boycott on American goods, and -"
 "Tain't a mite of difference to me whether the boy was on American goods, or the American goods was on him. And as for your fling at my un- derstanding, I'd have you know, Nose 'Lampblack, that 1t Is as good as your'n, If I ain't been edikated up to the same notch that you be. Shet up, Mandy, and you, Zeke, your two's dad will help yer plates when he gifts done reading about that 'ar boy what's been caught in China, likes if thar's never been on caught nearer home before nor since."
Holbrook argus., 1906-08-04
It Could Not Be.

w. W. Keen, the Philadelphia sur geon, has a number of scrapbooks filled with anecdotes about physicians. These anecdotes are odd, from the fact that they all throw upon physicians a most unfiattering light. To illustrate their character, Dr. Keen quoted one of them recently.
 "A physician was driving through the street." he said. "A friend stop ped him.
 "'Doctor,' said the friend anxious ly, have you heard that horrible story about Williamson
 "'No, said the doctor. What story Is that?
 "A story to the effect that he was buried alive
 "'Buried aliveY said the doctor. Impossible. He was one of my pa- tients.'"
Holbrook argus., 1906-08-04

.s.'--..t. .. -. .. ..
 I am weary of potatoes, potato salad and the potato cousins! am dead sick of pork, pork chops and their sausage uncles and scrapple aunts! I am"
 "Is that so, you pretty pet?" was the indignant reJoinder of Ma. Well. I just guess that you will eat what pre- pare for you or go without! If you think that am going to stand over q, hot stove and cook oysters for thls whole tribe you are nightly mistaken! If you"
 You don't have to do It, Smlthy You don't have to do it" responded Pa, batting himself on the chest. "I am going to cook them myself! I am go- ing to be the whole show, from the star on the stage to the yelp In the gallery That's why said you weren't so many That's why said you weren't so nu- merous! am going to demonstrate to you what real Jones chef can do and make the Smith grub Jugglers look like faded leaf from last years cal endar! am going to, stew those or phan oysters for dinner, and I don't want any foreign nations to butt in !
 "Bah!" was the scornful lnterjection of the scrapful Ma. Il think that l can see an old yap like you cooking oysters"
 Pa did not reply to this unkind re- tort, but casting whitening glance at Ma, he picked up the kettle and hustled for the kitchen, where the cookful jubi- lee was soon in full swing.
 Where Is the salt and pepper, mad anne? Where is the salt and pepper" he cried, rolling up his sleeves and seizing a pan. What do you do with all the gold bricks that buy at the grocery store? Where do you hide all of your ingredients? Where Is the mus tard? Where Is the ketchup? Where Is the horseradlsh? Holy smoke, sweet woman! How do you expect me to make an oyster stew if haven't got anything to put in 1t except faith and milk? Why don't you trot out some tabasco sauce? Why don't you produce the crackers? Don't you own any vim egar? Can't you dig up some lemon juice? Haven't yOu-"
 "Why you crazy freakw cried Ma, you don't put all those things In an
 "That shows what you know about oysters, Mrs. Jones That shows what you know about oysters!" was the barkful response of Pa. Don't you suppose that know what am doing :? Don't you suppose that I know any thing? You talk as If I had never seen oysters served In a cafe! You talk like q Smith! You talk-gee whiz, Beauty! Whats the matter with this fire? What have you been doing to 1t? Have you been pouring water o1 1t in- stead of kerosene? It looks as if 1t should have been buried three days ago! Where can find some kindling wood? Why don't you get me some paper? For two cents would make you cook your own blooming oysters ["
 So saying the exercised Pa dashed out into the shed and gathered up a lot of paper and kindling wood which he placed on the few remaining live coals that dismally glowed in the grata.
Holbrook argus., 1906-08-04
A|IlQzs5..
 O 2
VI { toN.ooo~oooo

4
 You are not so many, madamel You are not 50 many!" exclaimed Pa Jones, In gleeful accents as he rushed Into the happy home an hour earlier than usual and deposited tin kettle on the dining room table. You are not so awfully numerous! You don't count so much more than some other people, even If you are a Smith! You don't-
 "What are you gabbling about, heath- enr interrupted Ma, with an impatient glance at the esteemed Henry. What arc you trying to cackle? What are you trying to chirp? Have you fallen on of the water wagon again and loos- ened your tongue? Have you"
 ''What's that, madame? What's that, Mra Jones?" was the steamful inter. lection of Pa, as he shied a hoof at little Fido, missed and kicked a leg from under a chair. "What are you saying? Do you know what you are saying, or are you just rambling like perlpatetic hobo? Are you trying to cast shadow of doubt on the sobriety of a dignified Jones, or are you chant inx the regular Smith chorus to make your dear mother grin? want you to distinctly under"
 "For mercys sake, forget 1t, you apew cried Ma, In kinky tone Gut out the talk, and save the gasoline for your prayers! You make more noise than a country brass band that Is giv- Ing a free blow to build up a reputa- ton! One might think from the size of your howl that you had lost cent {! What have you got In that kettle? What"
 What have got In that kettle, Mrs. Jones7 What have I got In that ket- tle?' replied Pa, assuming chesty air. ~What do you think have got in that kettle? What does 1t look like? What does 1t sound like when you hear 1t splash? Do you think that it is three- ring circus, with menagerie to match? ? Do you imagine for one moment that 1t ls a Carnegie library? Not on your life, darling! Not on your life! You've got another prophecy! It's oysters !! Its-"
 Oysters! :" exclaimed the surprised Ma. "What in the world are you going 10 do with oysters? What are you"
 ~What do you suppose I am going to do with them. angel wife? What do you suppose am going to do with them?" broke In Pa. shoutfully. Do you think that am going to turn them loose In the backyard and let their pit eous walls annoy the neighbors all night long! Do you think that am silly enough to put them In the street and get fined for permitting them to run at large without muzzles? No, Mrs. Jones a thousand times no! am go- ing to eat them! I am going to chew them! I am going to masticate them with my molars! I want change of pmenu! I want to devlate from the ever laatIng route! am tired of beef, beef hash and all the rest of beef relatives
Holbrook argus., 1906-08-04
THE LoNo-AvolpEp WORD.
IL Was . Shock to Mrs. Madden When They Called Her "Fat."

When They Called Her "Fat." Mrs. Madden, smiling and short of breath, achieved the last step and sank into the veranda rocking-chair, which creaked loudly.
 "Adellne," she panted, while show CT of small parcels, unwisely entrust- ed to her lap, rolled from that impos- sible resting-place and strewed the piazza, "Adellne, 1 have certainly gain- ed fesh
 "Now, mother" began Adeline. soothingly, "that's what you always say, but I'm sure, when you're weigh ed, you'll find"
 But I never nm weighed, Adeline, and you and I know very well why. I haven't dared. But to-day, down. town, I met woman who didn't mince matters, and she told me up and down I was fat-fat, Adeline! She didn't even say plump or 'matronly' or comfortable, or of dignlfied and commanding figure She looked me straight in the face and told me 1 was fat old woman. Think of it."
 "The hateful creature!" cried Ade- line, indignantly. "How dared she! Why, mother! As if you weren't just the dearest incest chubbiest, coziest- As if you weren't exactly right just as you are, every pound and inch of you! As f."
 "There, there, I didn't mind, child! But she called me fat, plain fat; and then she laughed" asserted Mrs. Mad den, placidly, "and I didn't wonder at all how she dared, either; I only laughed at her because she hadn't dared before. You go with me to Fer guson's new store, and down the broad aisle to the long mirror with the strong light on 1t, and I'll point her out to you; I think she's somebody you know. And I always did say, Adelne, that there wasn't decent light on single looklng-glass in this house, and that we ought to have new one, down to the floor, so we could really see ourselves"
 "Oh!" said Adeline. "Why, mother!"
 "Take in my wraps and parcels, will you, child, and bring me out fan, and footstool, and glass of water and the evening paper" directed Mrs. Mad den, comfortably. "I'm too weighty a body to move for trifles, and I think I'll sit while where I am. Other folks must trot for me now, and to- morrow I'm going to get weighed and find out just how much avoirdupois there is I can hold up as a reproach if they don't fly round and do it quick enough.
 "I'm sure I'll turn the scales at q hundred and seventy-fve, Adellne. aren't you? Or do you suppose 1t could be round two hundred?"- Voutb,c CAvonopiou
Holbrook argus., 1906-08-04
Polite but Busy.

Not long ago delegation of women appeared at the Capitol to solicit the supp 1t of member of Congress for Dill In which they were interested. This member, says writer in the PlfIladel- Nhia, Public Ledger, is most energetic man, and, appreciatlng the fact that hls time was pretty well occupied, the vpokyswpman said: 10
 ANaw, sir, if you would prefer, we will see yoa at your hotel in the even- ing"
 "'Oh, no; shall be glad to hear you now," he said, courte0usly.
 ~But We have great deal to say on the subject"
 ~Ladies," he said, lowing politely, "I .shaIl be delighted to hear you, no mat. ter how much you have to say. If you will only put 1t in a few words"
Holbrook argus., 1906-08-04
In Their Own Coin.

"Here! Walt minute," cried the proprietor of the restaurant. 'This half dollar Is bad"
 "Well," replied the customer, as he hurried out. "so was the dinner 1t pays for. Good-by."-Philadelphia Ledger.
Holbrook argus., 1906-08-04

Can you ear grapes without thinking of pendicitis?--Atchison (Kan.l Globe.
Holbrook argus., 1906-08-04

Some people are so lazy they can't it up straight
Holbrook argus., 1906-08-04

A Kentuckian brought suit for the prics of a pint of turnip seed. won his aAss and received verdict of 46 csnts.
Okolona messenger. (Okolona, Miss.) 1900-current, 1906-06-27
Che Nessen0er

4 IE MESSENGER accepts display adver
tsements from reputable business men and
firms ct % cents per inch each Insertion, and
business reading notices, or locals. at 10
cents per line for FIRST Insertion, cents per
inc each additional insertion. II cuts are
used, 26 per cent additional; no wood bases.
NOTICES of marriages, deaths, lodge socials,
ted free, IL limited to 40 lines All in excess
of 10 lines must be paid for at 10 cents per
line, cash for same to accompany the copy
All legal notices at legal rates, payable be-
fore affidavit OF publication is fed.
Okolona messenger. (Okolona, Miss.) 1900-current, 1906-06-27

Ladies wishing their hair Shampooed
and dressed call on or notify Annie B.
Bolton or leave orders at Walkers
Barber Shop.
Okolona messenger. (Okolona, Miss.) 1900-current, 1906-06-27

Shingles, Shingles, Shingles.
We are prepared to furnish our
trade with the best grade of shingles.
Prices right. ALERT HANDLE Co.
Okolona messenger. (Okolona, Miss.) 1900-current, 1906-06-27
'H\/S\/N\/H\/H\/H\/H\/*\/N\/F\/HNI
WAN u.s. +;
For Rent.

For Rent.
All or part of ny residence on Adam
street and business and Lodging rooms
centrally located. Apply to
j. j. KEEL.
Okolona messenger. (Okolona, Miss.) 1900-current, 1906-06-27

UNE Gods victory.
The bone OF Mrs.
Mary McGehee was
the scene OF q hap
py wedding on last
Wednesday evening
when Miss Mary Ne
wassa, the youngest
daughter, was led
Okolona messenger. (Okolona, Miss.) 1900-current, 1906-06-27

Want your mOustache or beard
AneantIful brown 0rrich black use
Americus times-recorder. [volume] (Americus, Ga.) 1891-current, 1906-04-03
WOMEN IN BUSINESS
Are women to be the bank clerks

Are women to be the bank clerks
of the near future? That is the
opinion of Mr.. Frank A. Wander
lip, vice president of the National
City Bank of New York and for
merly assistant secretary of the
treasury. He says that women
have clearly and conclusively dem
onstrated their capacity for cleric
al and routine work in business of
fees, and that year after year
larger numbers of them are being
employed in banks in places for
merly occupied by men. In the
course of a few years, he predicts
most of the banks will have women
clerks, and men only at the heads
of departments. 1t requires no
great deal of examination to ascer.
tain that women are constantly en-
tering more largely into the COM
mercial and financial affairs of the
country. Twenty five years ago
it was a rare thing to see a woman
in business office; now there are
few business offices in which one
or more of them will not be found.
Americus times-recorder. [volume] (Americus, Ga.) 1891-current, 1906-04-03

DR.. Nunnally has issued an ap-
peal to the people, asking their
votes on high moral grounds. The
doctor says he stands for better
marriage and divorce laws; for
better Sunday laws; for better pro-
hibition laws; for better child-la-
Dor laws. The doctor says "vote
according to the convictions of
your enlightened conscience, and
we will win a victory such as has
never been recorded in the annals
of the state" The doctors plat
form is all right and he is in
earnest.
Americus times-recorder. [volume] (Americus, Ga.) 1891-current, 1906-04-03

The battleship Georgia will go
into commission either in Bruins
wick or Savannah in the fall. No
doubt Atlanta feels hurt that the
big vessel was not ordered toted up
there to be commissioned at the
Piedmont bar.
Americus times-recorder. [volume] (Americus, Ga.) 1891-current, 1906-04-03

All that abuse of the railroads
will stop after the state primary is
over, it having answered the pur-
poses of the politicians. Anything
to excite the ignorant during the
campaign is what the CD reformer
mostly desires.
Americus times-recorder. [volume] (Americus, Ga.) 1891-current, 1906-04-03

The recent severe weather gave
Georgia black eye but the old
girl is not crying about it, not at
all. She expects a set back once
in a while, and like the dear old
girl she is, she takes it philoso-
phically.
Americus times-recorder. [volume] (Americus, Ga.) 1891-current, 1906-04-03

1t would be good idea for Mr..
Smith to get up some new issues, as
the negro and railroad questions
have about been worn thread bare.
How would it do to switch off on
the tax dodger?
Americus times-recorder. [volume] (Americus, Ga.) 1891-current, 1906-04-03

The reports of Sarah Bernhardt
playing in tent to 5000 enthusi-
astic Texans while thousands were
turned away sounds like the We
racious reports of the oratorical
performances of that peripatetic
hot air tank, the Populo-Democro
HokHS.
Americus times-recorder. [volume] (Americus, Ga.) 1891-current, 1906-04-03

A venerable Episcopal, Bishop
Doane in knickerbockers, passing
through Georgia to Tuskeegee to
toady to Booker Washington and
his colony of worthless and doless
negroes, is the latest newspaper
sensation from the Capital city.
The Times Recorder is glad he is
not the bishop of Georgia.
Americus times-recorder. [volume] (Americus, Ga.) 1891-current, 1906-04-03

The severe famine among the
northern districts of Japan has
been the occasion for very free do
nations from all parts of the world,
and particularly from America.
These timely gifts have served to
make the little Japs more appre-
ciatiVe of their Western neighbors.
Americus times-recorder. [volume] (Americus, Ga.) 1891-current, 1906-04-03

Where smudges or smokes were
used continually during the recent
freeze orchards escaped damage
almost entirely in all parts of the
Southwest. 1t is said that a buck
ct of water placed under a bloom
ing tree will protect it from cold.
Americus times-recorder. [volume] (Americus, Ga.) 1891-current, 1906-04-03
THE DATE OF THE PRIMARY

Hon. Hoke Smith doesn't seem
to be satisfied with the State Dem
ocratic Executive Committee. His
newspaper organ has been criti-
cising the committee for delaying
to call the primary, and in his
speech at Douglas on Friday he
complained, If he was reported
correctly, that the committee
called the primary in 1902 at a
time to suit Mr.. Terrell. We in
fer from what Mr.. Smith said that
he would like to have an early pri-
mary this year.
The primary in 1902 was held IN
the latter part of June.
It is our recollection that there
was considerable fault found with
the date. 1t was thought it should
have been called later in the sum-
mer, when the farmers were freer
to take part in it. 1t was said that
in June they are so busy that a
large percentage of them fail to go
to the polls. 1t is probable that
the committee remembers this crit
icism and is acting in accordance
with it.
IF it is a fact that it is more con-
venient for the farmers to go to
the polls in August than in June
the time of the primary should be
in the latter month.
There is no particular reason
why the primary should be held
early in the year. The regular
election doesn't occur until Octo-
Der. There is no campaigning to
be done after the primary, which
is, in effect, the election. Of
course if a ticket in opposition to
the Democratic ticket should be
nominated a longer time for cans
vassing the state might be advis-
able, but there is no probability
this year of an opposition ticket.
Mr.. Smith began his campaign
early and, thinking he has made a
good impression, he wodld like to
have the votes harvested at once.
The other candidates, however,
believing that the primary would
not be called until the latter part
of the summer, didn't begin their
campaigns until after the first of
the year. If, therefore, the pri-
mary should be called for a day
early in June Mr.. Smith would be
given an advantage.
1t is probable that it isn't the
purpose of the committee to give
either of the candidates an advan-
tage. There has been a sort of
tacit understanding that the pri-
mary should be late and the can
didatcs, with the exception ofMr.
Smith, have acted in accordance
with it. 1t would be manifestly
unfair to them, therefore, to call
the primary early in the summer.
Mr.. Smith will lose nothing by
such an arrangement.
If he has gone over the entire
state he can revisit some of the
counties which have fallen under
the influence of some one of the
other candidates since he visited
them.-Savannah News.
Americus times-recorder. [volume] (Americus, Ga.) 1891-current, 1906-04-03

The man in the automobile or
IN the palace car has troubles for
which we have no sympathy and
but little patience-just as we
have troubles with which that
class cannot sympathize. Oh, for
the rarity of any old charity under
the sun!
Americus times-recorder. [volume] (Americus, Ga.) 1891-current, 1906-04-03
AMER1CU8, GA APRIL 8, 1905.

The state convention should con-
vene in the Capital city of the
state, where the capitol building,
erected for such purposes, is avail
able for such an assemblaee.
Americus times-recorder. [volume] (Americus, Ga.) 1891-current, 1906-04-03
SOME sPARKLEs OF TRuIsMs

The appended handful of sun
beams are plucked from Dick
Grubb's Darien Gazette, which he
"sits up of nights" and brews care
fully, and which the Times Re
corder deems worthy of due credit.
Americus times-recorder. [volume] (Americus, Ga.) 1891-current, 1906-04-03

1t looks as if every town in
Georgia would have bank and a
railroad before another year rolls
around. The old state is surely
prospecting.
Americus times-recorder. [volume] (Americus, Ga.) 1891-current, 1906-04-03
: DAILY. +Excent Sunoav

DdIIys EXcepG Sunday.
Sleeping cars between Americas and At
lanta on train leaving Americas lO:25p, m :,
and arriving AI4ericus $40 a. m. Connects
aG Fort Valley with sleepers to and from
Parlor car for Atlanta on train leaving
Americas at i:46 p m. Parlor car for Al.
For further inform alton, apply to
j. Il. HtGHTOWER. Agent, Americas, Ca.
Americus times-recorder. [volume] (Americus, Ga.) 1891-current, 1906-04-03
CENTRAL OF GEORGIA
K ALL w ".
Schedules Effective. February 4lh, 1906

Arrival and departure OF trains at Ameri
Gus, Ga.-Central of Georgia Railway Pas
senger Station. goth Meridian Time,
Americus times-recorder. [volume] (Americus, Ga.) 1891-current, 1906-04-03
The Times-ReCorder is the

nicial Organ of the City of Americas,
Omcial Organ of Sumter County.
Oniclal organ of Webster County
Omcial Organ of Railroad Commission of
Georgia for the 81 Congressional Di trict
Americus times-recorder. [volume] (Americus, Ga.) 1891-current, 1906-04-03
Arrivals.

From Savannah, Augusta, Atlanta,
Macon ;...:....; ....:...:.... $40 90 . N
FROM LoSkns - Dotnan &Albany. $40 % p m
Lockhart, Dothan and Albany Il as o m
A Aat ana MACON. '.;.:..... "207 m
and Macon ................. S6 10 a m
From Columbus, Birmingham and
RI inter To9i points. to 80 pm
pI termediate points; az 20 m
r,, Fort Valley: .:.......;...... *elOam
From birmingham. Columbus via
For Fort Valley: ....:-..:.... $50 20 p m
pOlnLS. ......... ........s........., %b ga
From Troy, Montgomery and
Eufaula: ;,:...,:...... $50. s14sp
From Troy Montgomery and
Eufaula......... .s........... .....+1O25p
Americus times-recorder. [volume] (Americus, Ga.) 1891-current, 1906-04-03
Departuree.

ForMacon, Atlanta, Augusta and
savannah. ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS. 1913 a m
TOT AIpany, Dotnan and Lockhart %6 10la m
:, AIDany, Dothan and Lockhart 20 ca D IN
:. Macon ana Atlanta. :......a1 46 p m
= Augusta ...,.............:@ 40 IS
For Columbus Birm1n CHAM, and
intermediate points. .............t63 30 a m
For Columbus, Greenville and inter-
nm mediate points; ..:............. 900 m
For Columbus, Birmingham, via
Fort Valley $1,000. ...........S1O 25 m
For Alpany and intermediate pts. 80 25 p m
Eufaula, Montgomery and
Troy. ............. 49,. ~6 10 a m
FOR Eu1aula, Montgomery, Troy, q OF p m