Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1906-07-14
Mr.. JoBSoN "HET Up"

r. was~ during that strangely unseason-
able halmy speu fass winter. when The
trees began to bud prematurefy and men
were seen walking through the washington
parks tanning their faces with their hats,
that Mr.. Jobson put himself firmly on
record as to the Washington climate and
likewise sought to establish his future po-
sition as to home vacations.
1T makes me laugh-just laugh-to read
about these pinheads going on to Florida
and California and such fool places. when
there's weather like this and plenty Of 1t.
right here in little old Washington" he
said to Mrs. Jobson. Greatest climate on
earth right here in the District of Column
bia. What anybody with the brains OF a
chipmunk ever wants to go away from
this climate for, just to dodge the cli-
mate. mean. is more than I can figure
out.
But" yentured Mrs. Observation-Disclosures
ly. as she afterward refiected-"we go away
during the hot months. don't we?'
Mr.. Jobson cracked his newspaper and
snorted.
II might have expected comeback of
that kind from you. Mrs. Jobson." he
growlea I'VE GO away AVA, during eth, the tho, hot
as well begin expressing that In the past
tense from now on. We have gone away
during what you call the hot months for
a good many years past. just as we've done
whole lot OF other crazy and unnecessary
things, but we're not going to do 1t any
more. We're going to stay right here in
Washington and enjoy ourselves the year
round"
But" said Mrs. Jobson, still falling to
show her accustomed wisdom ait is--er--
well. Il Is hot here sometimes, isn't 1t. my
DEAR?
'Hot?' snapped Mr. Jobson "will you
be good enough to name me any place in
the world that you've visited where 1t
isn't hot when the natural season for
heat comes around?'
But" putin Mrs Jobson. rather floun-
deringly isn't it generally understood that
Washington in the summer time is really
q very hot"
'.My good woman" cut In Mr. Jobson.
grandiloquently. there are more utterly
fake notions generally understood. as
you express 1t, than could be written down
by million men II they spent their whole
stood rot about Washington being any
hotter than its observation-disclosures. Phiia-
delphia. New York, for fnstance-in the
dog days is the purest balderdash ever in
vented. During the natural season for
heat I've been baked in Baltimore, parboii-
ed in Philadelphia. incinerated in New
York and ,blistered even In Boston There's
no lodging summer heat unless you cruise
off the coast Of Labrador or go to the
North Cape or Spitzbergen and only mul-
let-heads with more money than brains ever
get TO SuCn OH-tne-ndp pihCeS. WdSAiHS-
ton has got the reputation of being an ex-
traordinarily hot summer town simply
through bunch of garrulous people talk
Ing about 1t that way. But all of the hotel
porch talk in the world doesn't make it
fact. It's little warm and stuffy in Wash
ington during certain parts of the sum-
mer. of course. Hike 1t is everywhere else
in these ATTITUDES. but Washington's going
to be good enough for me In the summer
time hereafteD at that"
Then said Mrs. Jobson. after thought
full pause. I'VE are not to go to the sea-
shore this year,"
are q perfect past mistress of the art OF
deducting the obvious" replied Mr.. job
son. you've hit the nall square on the
head. We are not
But" began Mrs Jobson. eff"
There will be no butts or ifs In cornec-
ton with this unalterable decision OF mine,
Mrs. Jobson." inter1ected Mr.. Jobson crush
ingly. i've made up my mind to 1t. and all
the argument in the world will not move
me. For considerably more than twenty
years, now. you've been dragging me Off to
some Internally uncomfortable summer re-
Sort mountains or beach every summer,
and I've yielded to your summer resort
Establishments solely for the preservation
Of peace. But it's all off now My own
comfortable home Is going to be- good
enough for me in the summer time from
this year on. You've cooped me up in some
COMPOUNDED stuffy hotel room for six weeks
or two months of the best part Of the year
for the last time. You've yanked me Off to
places where I had to change my togs three
or four times day. and eat food that made
me gag, and talk foolish drivel to all sorts
of chance acuuaintances thatsI didn't care
a durn for and maunder around like a
Willie-boY--you've put me through pieces OF
this kind for the last time, Mrs Jobson, and
I'm glad the opportunity has presented
itself to me to make early mention of the
matter to you. I'm going to camp right
here in my own home for the whole sum-
mer hereafter, eating the kind of things
that like at the season that's the very best
for them. wearing the Kind or clothes, or
no clothes worth mentioning, around my
own plant. lodging inane bores, enjoying
my own bath tub and having the kind of
a sensible time that people with enough
brains to last them over night ought to
have in their own homes, If they've got
EN-. at the period of the year when a mans
own home ought to make an especial ap-
peal to him. Be good enough to remem-
Der now. IL you please. that there's no
chance in the world that this decision of
mine will be changed. Little old Washing
ton and all the comforts of home for this
family this summer. and for a whole lot of
summers to come. I'd be greatly obliged
to you, now. II you'd be good enough to dis
pense with all of this conversation and per-
NIT me to read my newspaper in peace
Thus 1t was that Mr.. Jobson got himself
on record.
During that exceedingly warm spell In the
latter part of May Mr.. Jobson began to
gaze with considerable usefulness at the
summer resort advertisements in the news
papers, and on two or three occasions he
seemed to hold the summer resort adver-
Using pages before him in a deliberate way
that Mrs. Jobson easily saw was meant for
her. However. she didn't '1et on
One evening during that torrid spell Mr..
Jobson came home. looking pretty well
tagged out.
.sBlithering hot isn't it?' ne said to Mrs.
Jobson In the hall. She looked and felt
pretty cool in her kfmono.
do you find it so? she asked him
sweetly. why. I've found the day delight
full"
ST wouldn't be a bit surprised" grunted
Mr.. Jobson. Sitting around In darkened
room all day. with palm leaf fan. and
1ust about enough clothing on to-er-well.
IL you had to get out and hustle like
man does on day like this. you wouldn't
look and feel so Internally cool. can tell
you that
Seashore hotel booklets that Mrs. Jobson
had certainly not written for began to ar
rive at the house with every mail during
that torrid spell in mid-June and Mr.. JOB
son spent considerable portion of every
evening scanning them and looking at the
pictures. while he regarded Mrs. Jobson
furtiveIy to observe whether she was taking
In his occupation. But Mrs Jobson didn't
appear to notice what he was doing.
On one of these evenings Mr.. JObSon got