The Hawaiian star. [volume] (Honolulu [Oahu]) 1893-1912, 1906-06-30
THE MOTHERS CONGRESS.

done been readin' me oat dem women
whut amt never had no chillen, an de
ones dat is got DER chillen growed up
an often DER hands so long ago dey is
kinder forgot bout de trouble dey had,
is done been holdin annoder Mothers
Congress, an dat President Roosterfelt
is done sent 'em annoder message
cheerin' 'em on in de good wuk of in
creasin' de number of voters.
MY, but I wisht I had been dere.
For eff dere is anything in dis world
| dat does uplift for me hit is to hear a
! ole maid dat amt never had no pur-
sonal experience in de baby line, or one
of desc heah pale, under-done, three
hair-whiskers men, whut wouldn't
know no mo- how to down de collie dan
he would how to bus up de trus', a.
standin' up in meetin' a-layin' down de
law to mothers bout how to bring up
DER chillen.
Hit sho' am a privilege to be dere,
an listen to dem words of wisdom, be-
cause de only pusson dat knows des
| how chile ought to be raised, an dat
is got a never fail recipe for dom hit,
is dem whut amt wrastlin' wild de
! problem, and at amt layin' awake of
nights tryin to settle in DER minds
whedder de knock-an' drag out-policy
of de moral suasion is best.
Hits comfort dat we po' troubled
mothers dat is got twins in de cradle,
an triplets under our feet an holdin'
on to our frocks whilst we cooks, an
scrubs, has got desc earnest young
men, an sanctifed ole spihsters to ex-
postulate to us bout des how to fetch
'em up. For wese mighty mystified
! bout whedder we whipped when we
hadn't ought to, or stayed our hands
when we ought to have spanked de life
out of em, but when you listen to de
advice to de Mothers Congress all de
doubts des melts away. Hit sounds des
as easy, an plain as one of dem cook
book rules for maxim sponge sake dat
says at de eend, Eff you follow dis re-
cipe you can't fail
Oats de reason why I always goes
when l kin, an l comes home mighty
cam an saterfed to try to practice
dem lovely views on my family. Den
somethin' happens, dunno jest whut,
but dere's a sort of slip up somewheres.
When l tries to appeal to my chillen's
souls, 1 finds out dat dey amt got moth
in but stomachs, an dat de only way I
kin make any impression on DER higher
nature is wild de business eend of a
broomstick.
"Yassum, I amt got no manner Of
doubt bout de value OF de Mothers
Congress idees-de only thing aginst
dem is dat dey wont wuk.
'Ieastways on healthy chillen. l
speaks dat dey would be des de thing
for puny chile dat was kinder wormy
lokin, an dat had stringy curls, an
was named Percy, but dem maiden Ia
dies don't seem to have got much of
grip on how to knock de ole Boy out
of dem chillen whut is name Bill an
Sal, an dat kin eat six meals day an
be always hongry between times, an
dat keeps you on de jump wonderin'
whut new kind of badness dey is gwine
to be in mex.
"An' de trouble wild dem kind of chill
len is dat der amt no two of 'em
alike, an de way of managin' one OF
'em dat wuks don't wuk wild de odder
one. Deres some chillen dat you can
tole into de straight an narrow path
an some dat you has to lambast into
hit wild a bed Stat.
ct kin praise May Jane into behavin'
lax a puffect lady, but when I pays
Sally Ann a compliment hit gives her
de swell head so bad dat dere ain't no
livin' in de house wild her. When I
turns Thomas Jefferson acrost my
knees an applies de slipper whar hit
does de mos good, he gifts up regen-
Grated sinner OATS so good an sweet
you mos think dat you kin see his an
gel wings a-sproutin', but when I whips
little Teddy Roosterfelt ne sulks for
week, an de only reason he don't put
pisen in de coffee is becaze he don't
know how.
Oats whut makes me say whut I
does dat 1 is des sloshin' over wild
respect for dem folks dat is got a rule
for raisin chillen oct is guaranteed to
keep 'em off de chain gang when dey
grows up,
Case I amt got no plan on de sub
iect dat with shucks.
'tDe last time 7 went to one of de
Mothers Congress dere was a mighty
peart young woman wild a silk dress
trimmed wild real lace, am a flower bon
net on dat got up an speechified bout
how you ought never to say must to
chile. She said as how dat instid of
givin' a chile a order to do anything
dat you ought to des gently insinuate
de matted to hit, Furdermo she say
dat dat was de way to keep .-hile
from bein disobedient an all de wo-
men in the audience clapped DER hands
LAX dey heerd de good news of a new
gospel, for hit sounded lRk hit was a
easy way, wild no wuk in hit, to man
age chilln an de rason dat mos women
don't make DER chillen behave deirself
is becaze dey's too lazy to do hit.