Aberdeen herald. [volume] (Aberdeen, Chehalis County, W.T.) 1886-1917, 1906-08-16
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when did you first become acqualnt-
ed with your husband?" The first time
l asked him for money after we were
married.
First Burgler-Did Bill Git much out
Nv dat last burglary? Second Burglar
No. He got so little dat his lawyer
advised him to plead guilty.-Judge.
Mrs. Muggins Since Mrs. Newrichs
husband made all his money she has the
doctor continually. Mrs. Buggins-Yes,
l hear she Is suffering from nervous
prosperity. Philadelphia Record.
Teacher-Now, Robert do you know
what an isosceles triangle is? Boy
Ies'm. Teacher-Well, what Is It:
Boy-It's one Nv dem things gifts licked
fer not KNOWN wot it is.-Judge.
Stubb-What kind of shoes are those
you are wearing? Cogger-Walking
shoes Stubb-Walking shoes for au
tomobile riding? Coggcr-Yes. | know
my machne.-Chicago Daily News.
Novelist-Thcy say the dialect bust
ness Is dying out. Mortal-Thats
what. But who cares? Novelist
do. | don't know grammar enough to
write plain English.-Atlanta Const
tuition.
"Of course" said the architect. "you
Will want porte cOchere." Sure"
replied Mrs. Nurich, well want big
one with glass dingle- bangles on 1t
hangin' from the parlor ceilin'."-Phil
adelphia Press.
"Why don't you come out boldly for
reform!" whats the use:" asked Sen
ator Sorghum, IF your constituency
wont's back you up? I'm willing to
be reformer but I'm no martyr
Washington Star.
Peter-Did you ever borrow any mon
ey in case Of emergency! Pan-Not a
cent. Peter-You don't mean it? Pan
Fact; I've often tried to, but l can
never get anybody to lend me any
Detroit Free Press.
Hewitt overreached myself the
other day. Jewett--llOw? Hewitt
was so anxious to unload Il lot Of pen
nies on Il street cur conductor that
forgot l had Il transfer ticket in my
pocket.-Brooklyn Life.
Il don't object to hearing man
brag about his ancestors" observed
Uncle Allen Sparks, IF that's all he has
to brag about. 1t comforts him and
doesn't hurt the ancestors any. They're
dead."-Chicago Tribune.
How Birds Grow.-I want to get
some bird seed said the customer In
the seed store. no you don't smarty,"
replied the new clerk, recently from the
country. 'ye can't joke me. Birds
grow from eggs, not secd.'
Il hear your master is Il perfect lady
killer, James, especially since he got
his new automobile. Is that so:"
well, partly, ma'an, so to speak. He's
run over quite lot, but none of ems
dead yet. Baltimore American.
why don't you tell your views"
I'm afraid to-" answered Senator
Sorghum. "Whencver tell my views
OH any subject | run the risk of stir
ring up an unanswerable argument on
the other side. "-Washington Star.
correspondent wants to know who
are the greatest stamp collectors in the
country said the assistant briefly.
Does he inclose stamp for reply!' an
swered the editor. Yes Then tell
him we are"-Chcago Daily News.
Paying Teller-I can't cash this
check, madam, until you are identified.
Mrs. Bright-You mean have to iden-
tify myself? Paying Teller-Yes,
ma am. Mrs Bright-lIow simple
Have you looking glass:-Clipped.
Patlence-Youre quite lame today.
Patrice-Yes. Will stood on my foot for
ten minutes last night. And you al
lowed it:' Il didn't know it," Didn't
know he was standing OH your foot?'
mo, l didn't. He was proposing at the
time. Statesman.
Most actors remarked the talka-
tive boarder. seems to think they can't
get too far front on the Billboard
Yes" interrupted Mrs. Starven. quite
| unlike some other people who believe
they can't get too far back Oh the
board ll."-philadelphia Ledger.
Toms fool" "Why. Margaret.
! thought you liked him. well, we
were sitting on the sofa last night, and
he bet me that couldn't whistle. And
turned to him and pucllered up my
lps to start, and" "Well:' "Well,
he let me whistle. "--Cleyeland Leader.
women and men are very much
alike in one respect said the home
grown philosopher. whats the an
Ewer?" queried the experienced youth.
Men," explained the philosophy dis
penser, lie about the fish they didn't
catch and women lie about the men
they could have married had they
wanted to. "-Chicago Daily News.
May RoXley Cat the Telephony -
That you, Jack? You know you prom
ised you'd speak to father to-day. Jack
IIovett-Yes. l-er-spoke to him this
| morning at his Office May RoXley-
Oh. What did he say: Jack Lovett-
Why-er-I didn't wait to hear all OF
it.-Philadelphia Catholic Standard.
That door bell of ours doesn't ring
| at ALL" growled roorman. I'm going