The Paducah evening sun. [volume] (Paducah, Ky.) 1906-1929, 1906-12-14
New Justice of the Peace Or
fers Inducements
Carriage and Toilet Accessories Free to
Couples Leaving Home In
Hurry.
CHIEF SOURCE OF REVENUE.

OidTltS -. Ayers, WIZ WIS S"oih
in this week. Is the first Democrat to
be elected justice of the peace in this
town in twenty years. The other
magistrates-Ca William Greer
and j. II. Holman-are stalwart Re
publicans of long experience in judic-
ial capacities. Mr.. Ayres comes d.
rectly on the farm, and drops the
plow to take up the scales.
One of the main sources of revenue
vouchsafed country squire is the
amalgamation of two hearts into one,
for which the law allows him so for
each amalgamation. Capt. Greer. to
encourage business. gives each union
lied couple a silver souvenir spoon.
Squire Holman presents handsome
~ embossed marriage certificate.
with turtle doves and Cupids frolick-
ing among daisies and daffodils. says
the Macon. Mo-. correspondent of the
Kansas City Times.
Against Brisk Competition.
Against this veteran competition
Squire Ayres felt compelled to broad
en- out in order to get his share Of
the holiday offerings. December is
the banner month for weddings in
these parts, and every young couple
from the country wandering into town
hand in hand will encounter some
kindly suggestion-from wayfarers as
to the nearest justice shop or minis
ter. It's no trick to spot them. The
recorder knows the symptoms so well
that he begins reaching for his license
blanks while the subjects are yet
three blocks down the street, gazing
up at the buildings.
In order that business might not
pass his door Squire Ayers released
the following announcement to the
weekly papers of the various Macon
county towns this week: b.
Squire Ayers Announcement.
It's not good for man to be alone.
He needs someone to look after him
and keep him from going wild. The
recipe handed down in the Garden of
Eden was two lustrous. soul stirring
eyes, a face and form divine and a
heart that throbbed only for her COM
panion. And all the wisdom of sages
and men Of science down throu gh the
years has not improved upon the orig
inal prescription.
l don't give spoons. chromos and
popcorn with every wedding, but | do
my best to smooth the way and make
couples feel at home and glad they
come. II the groom win notify me a
day in advance OF the ceremony, I'll
have things fixed up so nice for him
his grill think she's married a real
duke. A vanished carriage, driven
by dark gentleman with a plug hat,
will meet YOU at the train. drive you
up to the court house, where you will
attend to the little legal formallty,
and then return to the parlors of the
officiating magistrate on Vine street.
There the bride Win find boudoir,
containing French mirror, powder
boxes and hair curriers'. A young man
from Africa will meanwhile put the
proper polish on the groom's shoes
and dust OF his clothes. When all is
ready the pair will approach the flow
er-laden table as monograph grinds
out beautiful wedding march, and
then ! solemnly pronounce the mystic
words which make you happy ever
more. While am doing this an ex-
pert photographer will be taking al
snapshot OF the interested parties, the
result OF which will be neatly framed
and sent to your address, charges
paid.
Then for the Dinner.
The carriage and charioteer, watt
Ing at the foot Of the steps. will whirl
you around to the best hotel in town,
where your wedding feast will be
found, with bill settled and everything
made smooth. After dinner the hack
will call and take you to your train.
A bailiff will attend to your baggage
and see about getting your tickets,
and I will be down at the depot to
give you Godspeed on your happy
journey. The whole thing. including
music. will only cost you $40, and If
anybody in my bailiwick tries to hold
You up for tips or fim-fam you in
any way I'll send him to Jail until. he
learns how to behave.
Then, there is the plain, everyday
Missouri marriage, in the usual style.
performed at the Office for 50 a cere-
mony. without the frills. Either brand
is warranted to last for life and to
be as good as any on the market.