New-York tribune., 1906-09-30

, r,ro.a letter to his family physician
urging him 10 come al once ana orins souo SUI
wiser had examined his patient he SAID; why,
man. you haven't the gout; you are suiIerinss sus
troia .p moment and replied reluctantly: Il know
~ hut there was one here In the mouse VINO
could spell that word An irish oinelal, o WIio
bed served long in India while defending that
aurtrv against. the charge of being unhealthy
FOR white men to live in said "A lot OF young
fellows come out here and they eat and uey
S,nt and they drink and they eat until they
dia. ana then they write home to their friends
and claim that it was the climate that did IT,
WHY PAT LET GO.
At a public meeting one of the speakers was
interrupted by some people who Kept taking
among themselves. Finally his irritation De
coroa so great that he called TO a policeman;
whats the matter? Can't you keep those peo-
pie quiet?" And this was the answer NO.
YOUR honor; have tried and 1 can't keep them
quiet unless let them make a noise work
who was assisting in the repair Oh uie ISt
Of one of the highest buildings In DupiIl IoSt
his balance and fell AS he went down ne Seruca IruS
n mass of electric wires. and all or tIlelil oiOhe
but one which he managed to cLns. iis ms
fellow workmen shouted to him to hoid on, put
after a few seconds Pat shouted, Sthand from
undher" and dropped to the ground. Ihe shoch
of the fall great that he remained % un-
conscious for several hours When ne, ne HI'lliS nig
came around he was asked why he didn't hoid
on n little longer. Although still somewhat
dazed he replied: Il let go because was airaiu
the damned wire would break
The extraordinary faculty of the lrlsh peoPte
for discovering the ludicrous in any lhClueii'
doubtless has no better illustration than IN tne
remark of one of the gallery gods at d % Duoilii I'm
theatre During a performance of Faust the
actor taking the part of Mephistopheles was
rather portly, and when II came time Tor MN 10
descend through a trap door to the lower re-
gions the hole proved too small for MIN ana ne
stuck. AS he squeezed and pushed IN the at az,
tempt to get through, the silence was broken Dy
a voice from the gallery saving: Wei' poys'
you needn't worry now. Hell seems 10 De SO
full that there's no room Tor any more uo"n
there"
"PARADOXES IN THE SAND"
doctor had a patient who gradually
wearing out from lung trouble. On one of his
calls he remarked to the sufferer that he was
sorry to note that he was coughing with greater
difficulty than on the previous day. The sick
man replied: "Divil take it. Doc. 1 don't see
how that can be; I've been practising all night"
Although the Irishman may often be ignorant
he is generally unwilling to admit it. Once when
| a gamekeeper was giving an exaggerated ac-
munity he was asked if there We're any para
doxes in his district Nothing daunted, he
replied: Il sorry, your honor, but thems
very rare in these parts but yez might md two
or three the sand when the tide goes out.
One day when two Irishmen walking along a
road inquired how far it was to certain place
they were told that the distance twelve
miles The pedestrians were already footsore
and weary from their long journey. and sat
down by the roadside in disConSolate spirits
Finally of them, to cheer his comrade, said;
Sure, Mike, that's not so bad; twelve miles is
only six apiece, so let's be going" One day an
aged man said to a cabman Help me. my good
man for l am very old" The rejoinder was
characteristic In it's polite blarney: "Begorra.
sir, no matter what age you are, you don't
look it."
ENTERTAINING IN IRELAND.
The Irishman's idea of hospitality is to pro-
vide an abundance of liquor; in fact it has been
said that he would not hesitate to pawn his
breeches or his shirt to procure a drink for
friend do you know Daily Of Queenstown?
asked one Irishman of another Il used TO
know him. but he's too stingy for me. have