davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-08-25
GLOBE sTGHTs.


LFrom the Atchison Globe.1
Sometimes a picnic is referred to
as a Beer Drink.
What has become of the old fash
toned man who wanted his boys to
study law?
About the only airship that ever
proved to be a success is the one that
Death rides in.
The real elegant thing is to have
holders for the roasting ear, but it
doesn't taste as good as when held in
both hands.
In weather as hot as this people
should not have anything more seri-
Gus to do than look up dreams in a
dream book.
We don't believe that cooking over a
cob fire these days would be warmer
work than being in love with q girl
and holding her hand.
People often say to a reporter: Il
thought of an item a while ago, but
have forgotten it." Don't forget an
item during the dog days. If you can
possibly help it.
A brakeman was today playing a
cigar slot machine. Know anything ?"
a reporter asked him. NO" he re-
piled; eff I did, I would buy a cigar,
Instead of trying to win one on a slot
machine"
Seasonable etiquette note: It Is all
right to serve corn on the cob but a
pan of water and a towel should be
served the guest after every ear. he
water should be hot as cold water will
not take off the grease.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-08-25

them in the stove. just like all the other
congressman. Most Of the things ne
does are for the sake Of policy with
a view to holding his job This is the
regulation thing. and any other pollti-
clan in his shoes Curtis or anti-Curtis)
would carry on in the same manner.
The kind Of men the editor Of the Her
aid is interested in is men like Tim
Gilman who raises 577k bushels of wheat
to the acre and George HOLSTER who
keeps a mile Of road dragged. Farmers
like these do more good for Kansas
than all the congressman put together.
Kansas would get along just as well
without any congressman whatever. But
it would never be the greatest COM
monwealth in the union unless It had
thousands Of men like Tim Gilman and
George HOLSTER
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-08-25
JOURNAL ENTRIES

Kansas farmers did a good many
shocking acts during the wheat har-
vest, and the indications are that they
viii do still more now that corn cut
ting has begun.
We are firmly convinced that there
is a bumper chigger crop this year
also.
Next winter when the coal bills
come in you will be sorry that you
talked SO mean about this nice pleas
ant summer weather.
Now that it is over with. this de-
partment would call Mr.. Bryan's at
tention to the fact that It isn't al
ways safe to go against a man with a
name like Sullivan.
We sincerely trust that the weather
bureau has not run out Of that de-
lightfuI brand of summer resort
weather it was giving US a few weeks
ago.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-08-25
Burrouehs Saw CoIlecfion-

John Burroughs. the famous natural
lst and poet, author of that fine poem,
My Own Shall Come to Me- loves to
tell story which has to do with a
friend of his named Orr, according to
the Peoples Magazine.
On one of his trips Mr.. Burroughs
happened to be in the town where Mr..
Orr lives. Meeting him in the street,
Mr.. Burroughs insisted that his friend
accompany him to the hotel for lunch
con. As they were eating. Mr.. Bur
roughs inquired if his friend was not
interested in any specially
I think said the naturalist, every
man ought to have a collection of some
kind. 1t adds zest to life"
-Oh. yes said his friend Il have
quite collection; 1 am interested in
flowers. Come home with me and I'll
show them to you"
As they approached the Orr home,
six fine, healthy children. playing on
the lawn, ran to meet their father.
These said Mr.. Orr. with a twinkle
in his eye. from my collection OF or
chids. Are they not grand specimens?'
Mr.. Burroughs agreed that the collec-
ton of Orr kids was the finest he had
ever seen.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-08-25
ReversIhIn Ioia11res

There is a western senator of rath-
er an frascible temper who, on the
days when everything goes wrong. en-
joys scolding the clerks employed by
his committee.
On one occasion during the last ses-
sion of the senate, the western solon
had desired one of the clerks to pre-
pare a tabulated statement of GER
tain trade statistics of the United
States. When the statement was laid
before the testy senator. he glanced
at it with an air that BODIED trouble.
Suddenly he exclaimed:
Look here. Robinson, this won't
do. Why didn't you prepare this
statement on the typewriter. These
figures are disgraceful. Any office
boy could do better. See that fivel
1t looks for all the world like a threes
Nobody would take it for anything
elseE Just look at it,"
81 beg pardon. senator replied the
humble clerk; the fact is, it is a
three"
"A threet" roared the senator. you
idiot! 1t looks ike a -Harper's
Weekly.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-08-25
.IAYH.k WXER .JOTS

An Ottawa egg thief turned out to
be a five foot bull snake.
A party of Cherryvalians are doing
Europe and incidentally getting done
by the guides and hotels
Troy believes it is big enough for a
union depot, in spite of Kansas City
troubles in securing one.
An Independence man took drink
of joint whisky the other day. When
he came to he was shy a little matter
Of sixty dollars.
A man without legs has been aston
ishing Salina by doing stunts on BIZ
cycle. That's nothing, however. Lots
of men pretend to think without
brains.
A Wellington boy has contracted
blood poisoning from the dye in a
black stocking, which infected a tiny
break in the skin on his leg. He may
not recover.
Leavenworth Post: It is said the
railways through Kansas will be i'm
portuned to loan their wrecking der
ricks to the farmers along the right of
way to assist in harvesting the corn
this fall.
Noting that Ed Madison has pur-
chased an automobile IN which to
make his campaign for congress in the
Seventh district, Fred Trigg intimates
that Judge Madison intends to run over
his Democratic opponent
A Hiawatha girl is now trying to
help her father spend his surplus cash
by taking lessons from a Paris singing
teacher who charges $25 an hour If
this prosperity keeps up in Kansas new
ways of spending coin will have to be
invented.
Railroad joke from the Concordia
Blade: 1.-The biggest joke among the
Missouri Pacific men is the Prosser
engine. Last night it got funny again
and when the men went to work this
morning they found that the water had
all leaked out of the engine. This
made the train two hours late out of
here
Del Valentine has successfully
lodged Cupid for these many years,
wherefore Tom Cordry hands him this
hot one: "Once again are we foiled of
our hearts desire" walls Del Valentine
in his Clay Center Times. The next
time will the governor please call out
the state militia and keep the old man
back while Valentine transacts bust
ness with the probate judge and the
minister
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-08-25

II am infinitely sorry, Mr. TownIey, .
said the plump young maiden, but It
cannot be"
Then why demanded the mortified
youth, have you encouraged me? You
can't deny that you have done that"
Because" she answered with a shud-
der, at never occurred to me until just
now that it wouldn't do at all. Ny
name is Fidelia Arbogast II were 10
marry you my name would be F9delia
Arbogast Townley. It's bad enough TO
be q little stout. you know. without pro-
claiming It in my-my initials
you are right, Miss Arbogast.' said
the young man, recovering himself with
an effort "Tt would never do. Be
cause, you know, as the years slowly
faded away and blended with the dim
and misty past you would be more than
likely to carry out the promise Of those
initials Goodby, Miss Arbogasti''
Grasping his hat he plunged forth into
the darlsone nixht.-ChicaKo Tribune.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-08-25
POINTED PARAGRAPHS
mon the Chlcago News.l


Pluck is all right, but good luck fire.
quently leaves 1t at the post
Mistakes are as common the ac-
acknowledgement thereof is uncommon.
No, Alonzo, a man who kills time ism t
necessarily lazy. but he IS just as good
Probably the hardest thing in the world
to preserve is the good reputation inner
tied from our ancestors.
Domestic differences should always be
settled in the kitchen. The dining room
is no place for scraps.
When q married man begins to tell his
domestic troubles to his mother it usual
" indicates a divorce suit.
Opportunity is said to knock once at
every mans door, but some men WouIdn' t
recognize It II It knocked them down.
The average man attributes his success
to his own good judgment and his fail
ure to his having followed the advice, of
others.
A bachelor says he isn't going to marry
until he meets 4 woman who is neither
curious nor talkative. His is indeed a
hopeless case.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-08-25

The State Journal has repeatedly
stated that the railroads would doubt
less gladly grant a two-third passenger
fare If they could be assured that they
would not be disturbed in the matter of
freight rates. The freight rate ques-
2ion is the real issue in Kansas; passen-
ger rates are only a minor matter, incl
dental to the abolition Of the pass. Re
eerring to this subject the Osborne
Farmer says: 1T the reformers would
let up on their howl about anti-pass and
two-cent fares long enough to listen to
reason they would discover that the real
trouble with the country is the freight
rates. Two years ago this office paid
q cents a hundred for having its paper
hauled from Kansas City. Now we have
10 pay 48 cents. The reform legislature
reduced the freight on coal oil and the
railroad companies made it up on other
merchandise. The trouble is not in
passes or two-eent fares. It is in the
freight rates"
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-08-25
CUPIn,s VICTORY

All Cupid, you are sad" I said;
Perchance you've found a love untrue.
what circumstance of unkind fate
Can bring this doleful phase to view r.
Then Cupid elenched his little Est
ana nercely- struck his chubby knee
Oh some reformers," he replied
have been Investigating me"
"A widow and widower
MY every art and charm discussed;
AND subsequently, both agreed
Ihat 1 was Just a common trust"
later met the little elf,
" no cried aloud in roguish fun:
IN, say, married those fresh folks
And their 1nvestigation's done"
-Perr1ne Lambert in Woman's Home
Companion.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-08-25
Honest Advice.

DR.. Leonard Pearson told at a din
ner in Philadelphia a horse anecdote.
"A farmer he said. wrote to the
editor of the Farmers Friend this let
ter:
/" Mr. Editor, Sir: I have a horse
that has been afflicted for the past
year with periodical fits Of dizziness.
Please answer through your valuable
paper, and let me know what I should
do with him, as he seems to get worse
instead Of better; 1 am afraid he will
be unfit for work If something is not
done sOon.'
1.-The editor replied in the next-is-
sue as follows:
"'Our honest advice. based on
careful perusal of that excellent work,
Every Man His Own Horse Doctor"
would be to take this horse some time
when he is not dizzy and sell him to
stranger "-Pittsburg Press.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-08-25
REFLECTIoNs % . BACHELoR.
LFrom the New York Press.1

LFrom the New York Press.
It almost makes a man Of most boys
not to send them to college.
A girl IS about as afraid Of flirting
as a baby IS Of playing with its fingers.
When q woman gives her husband a
piece of her mind 1t IS a whopping big
chunk
A man can't help having afrection
for q woman that knows how to make
good apple pie.
A man thinks he is awful smart to
have guessed the stock market was
going Up when he didn't put any
money IN
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-08-25

near being defeated in the Republican
county convention
Just how extensive this dissatisfac-
ton is probably cannot be told until
election day. The farmers, while
deeply Interested In the issues now be-
ing discussed. are saying little them
selves-and the result of the election
depends chiefly on the farmers
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-08-25

The state employment bureau in kan
has was established to find work for
the unemployed. and state Employment
agent Gerow can point with pride to
what he has accomplished. There isn't
an idle man in the state. We might as
well give Mr.. Gerow credit for it as to
give 1t to the tariff.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-08-25
Full, TjRAaF.TS WIRE REPORT
OF THE ASSOCIATED PRESS.
HOME NEWS WHILE AWAY.

b sdSszfbers OF the state journal
away during the summer may have
the paper mailed regularly each day
to any ADDRESS at ts1e rate Of ten cents
. week or thirty cents a month (Dy
mali only). Address changed as often
as desired. while out OF town the
STATE journal win be TO you Ike
daily letter from homo.
Advance payment Is requested on
thees snort tinae subscriptions, TO save
bookkeeping expense.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-08-25
ERON OTHER PENS
UNCLE JOE THE CHARMFR


Fortune does not favor man of our
years. said Louis XIV to Marshal VII
leroy, after the battle of Families. De
spondent Louis was then not quite 70.
and did not foreee that an America
would arise to prove his maxim false
Youth will be served, indeeii Speaker
Cannon,a likely young fellow turned ID.
has steadily risen in popularity as he has
risen in age. The formal launching If
his presidential candidacy in Illinois
yesterday is but the culTllnation OF
that good fortune which, in defiance of
French proverbs and the sour sayings
Of the Eccleciast, has steadily increased
with his years. We do not mean that
he is to be taken too seriously a. a
candidate; but the universal feeling of
amused kindness for a gallant veteran.
with a sort of diffused personal interest
in the quaint and frank character of the
man, is a more striking tribute than
the bestowal of many ciIices.-New
York Evening Post.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-08-25

Fred Dumont Smith Is IN favor of a
primary in which delegates to a con-
Fention shall be voted for in addition
10 the candidates for the various Offices.
Then If no candidate receives a clear
majority Of all the votes. the delegates
meet and make trades until some one is
nominated. This is exactly the sort Of
p primary that has just proved so IN
satisfactory in Texas.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-08-25
THE EDITOR.

The editor who can please everyone
IS not suited for this earth, but is en-
titled to wings Human nature is so
constructed that some of our readers
would like to have US feed them on
scandal; some would like to have us
tell the unvarnished truth about Them
while others would kill US if we did.
1t is comforting thought to the edi-
tor to know that the Lord himself did
not please everyone while on earth
We labor hard to entertain and please
our subscribers. but that we should
occasionally fail is to be expected, but
you will always find us willing to be
orgiven.-Olathe Mirror.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-08-25

Accused Of being "unfriendly to Con-
FRESHMAN Curtis the sabetha Herald
lakes occasion to explain its position as
10 First district congressional matters
thus. The Herald is not against Con-
gressman Charles Curtis. We don't
rare anything about him. He plugs
along and holds his job like other con-
Kresamen, doing about the same as any
bther politician would do whether from
he Curtis or anti-Curtis faction. He
kaa his speeches printed in washington
ana mailed to his constituents who new
Is kusw what they are about and throw
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-08-25

The fertile brain Of T. A. Cordry sug-
Kests a Joint debate between President
RipIey, Of the Santa Fe, and W r.
Etubbs, the former to furnish passes to
all who wish to attend and the latter to
furnish the haul.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-08-25
Poser for Meat Eaters.

James B. Reynolds. famous in the
packing-house exposures. said Of veg
etarianism in Washington:
''Vege tarianism is the more logical
as well as the more comely and hui
name dietary, isn't it?
egetarianism's superiority from
the humane and the logical point Of
view was once indicated to me by a
child in New York
while I was engaged in settle
ment work in New York, a little child
in one Of the classes asked:
% Why do we kill lions and tigers 2
ooh said I. that is because the
bad lions and tigers kill the dear lit
tie sheep
% why, Them said the child, don't
we kill the butchers p Unidentified
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-08-25

Attention is called by the salina Jour
nal to the fact that all laws for the
control Of the railroads have been pass
ed by the Republicans Good reason
why: The Democrats have never had a
chance since the railroads needed reg
ulating-and the prospect isn't very
ailuring for them In the immediate fu-
esr~a
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-08-25

Dere ISIS some peoples so mean a
skink would nod If in der same town
ship NIT dem. In time We may opserf
der case uf Misder Stenslandt. He
took to der woods, ind der woods
vouldndt hat him. Ufery tree made
a noisy like a dopity sheruff or a spook
uf some poor vimmins vich he hadt
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-08-25

The Illinois Democrats endorsed Boss
Sullivan and also Mr.. Bryan, and If
there had been anybody else to be en-
aorsed very likely they would have done
the lob. Just to show that they are good
forf1.---a
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-08-25
ouAKEIs REFLEcIIoNs.

rFrom the philadelphia RecorG.I
Even the wind bag likes to air its views.
In polite society regrets are often ac-
cepted with thanks.
Virtue is It's own reward. 50 It has a
right TO parade itself
BlobbsZ@They say she IS engaged to
four men at once 6lobbs-sT don't doubt
it. She's the sort OF girl who Will accept
a fellow whether he proposes or not"
Nell-.T don't believe he is q real -
bleuan at all Belle-'tWhy nOt2" Nesfs1
s.IIe pays all his bills. and he hasn't tried
to borrow a single penny from papa
Wigg-"So many states have different
divorce laws. Now, what is necessary to
get a divorce in this slater WaRg-sI
should say the first thing to do Is TO get
married.
First waiter-"And did that fellow raise
all that row over q fly in his souD7 Sec
ond waiter-''sY Is: the darn fool threaten
ed to report me to the Society for the
Prevention Of Cruelty to Animals
Robbers! ThfevesT' shrieked the guest
OF the summer hotel And immediately
the proprietor. two clerks six bell BOYS
and a dozen waiter started on a dead run
And yet some people doubt that a guilty
conscience needs no accuser.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-08-25
HOW sTENsLAND -LooKs-

Now comes the timely Information
that Stensland didn't look like a de-
faulter. and that was why he was per-
mitted to loot a Chicago bank at leis-
ure. He looks like a defaulter now,
or would if the officers of the law
could catch sight OF him.=Leaven-
worth Times
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-08-25

Speaking Of the way Kansas land is
advancing in value, it might be noted
that a Pratt woman recently sold for
81. $50 a quarter section OF land that her
husband purchased for $125 a few years
m-o
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-08-25
THE KANsAs InEA

Apropos of the 1ead-pipe cinch Mr.
Bryan is said tc have on the presidency:
In order to insure a safe and sane" ad-
ministration, how would it be to apply
the kansas Idea of asking him a few
questions before he is allowed to go off
with the presidency of the country in
his inside pocket?-LindsDor Record.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-08-25
THE GRAETER

The CRATER We always have with US.
When honest people are prosperous, he
is also prosperous Just because the
honest people as a whole are prosperous
is not any sign that the trusts and 9th
er grafters are not taking their share
and little more.-Lindsborg Record.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-08-25

A second depositor in the failed Stems
land bank at Chicago has committed
suicide. This makes Stensland, through
his crooked practices, three times a
murderer. Stensland is reaping a har-
vest considerably greater than that OBJ
tanned by the average bank defaulter.-
LeaVenworth Times.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-08-25
THE CAsUALTY SEASON

The new football rules have an
peared. Between now and Thanks
giving, additions to casualty statistics
may be expected almost any day
Leavenworth Times.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-08-25
Men scarce at seaside.

What shall be done to help the poor
summer girl? This years unusually
large crop of coquettes has almost
been passed up by the men at the
summer resorts near Gotham and the
maidens are pining for SWANS. The
hotel keepers, too. are complaining of
the dearth of the men. and some of the
fashionable boarding house keepers at
Asbury Park Brighton Beach, and
Long Island resorts are advertising
for man boarders only. What has
caused the dearth of men at the re-
sorts this year no one has been able to
explain. Said the proprietor of a
Brighton Beach hotel to me the other
day: See the young women dressed
UP in their best every evening just to
sit on the porch and pat their feet i'm
patiently. There are scarcely any men
to show them a good time. They com
plain of the grub; they say the mos
quitoes are worse than ever, and that
the sea is sadder than ever before.
Every girl who makes a catch this
summer is holding on tightly and they
are the envy of their sad sister who
has not caught a gazabe. New York
Correspondence Pittsburg Dispatch.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-08-25

Id ISIS rumored dot Chon D. Rockin-
Teller will sdart a home fer chorus
gurls. Id ISIS derefore too bad dot he
ditndt meet und converse nit der late
Misoer White, who might hat gafen
him some VALUABLE pointers on der
proper way to conduction q home fer
chorus gurls.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-08-25

Let us hope that South America win
not charge up those earthquakes to
Secretary Roots visit down there. They
might send US a bill for damages.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-08-25

A traveller in China tells the follow
ing story: He confesses a weakness for
ginger ale. Somewhere in the F'loWery
Kingdom he felt this thirst beyond his
power to control, so, going into a pros
porous store where foreign goods were
much in evidence. he asked Tor his par
ticular drink.
Mr.. John Chinaman replied by asking,
You like ginger ale?''
Yes, very much"
You very muehee Hkee ginger ale?"
Yes, very much"
What kind you likee?"
Imported ginger ale"
"Oh, you hkee imported ginger ale,
alice samee Watson's ginger ale from
Manila"
Yes. Watson's ginger ale I Ike
very much"
you likee Watson's ginger ale?''
Yes, give me a glass quick"
mo have got.'-Cleveland Plain Dea-
ler.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-08-25
HAsTE AND WAIST,

Those who have a high opinion of Mr.
Taft's sprinting abilities In a race for
political honors probably base their es-
innate on the old saying tina. haste
makes waist.''-TVa shington Post.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-08-25

Since Hetty Green's son has been nom
mated by the Republicans for governor
Of Texas. perhaps Hetty viii contribute
a dollar toward the Republican cam
paign fund in Texas.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-08-25
BRIDGE "a sIGHs.

Mr.. Bryan while in Venice should not
fail to stand on the Bridge Of Signs. It
would be an excellent place for a re-
prospective view of 1896 and 1900-New
York Tribune