Arizona republican., 1906-02-25
The Upright Cow
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4 Tale of Arizona. by Eugene Todd,

4 Tale of Arizona, by Eugene Todd.
 Acourse, you gents acomin' from Newbrasky ain't to be rounded in with regular Fasteners an toorists an so ain't likely to take no offense if some coyote in this bunch takes the Iiber
 ty of speaking plain on the subject of tenderfeet, meanin' them doods. bur-
 terfty chasers and Iungers from the other side of the Mississippi canal, that furnishes blame sight more fun to the quarter section fer us boys, than Buffalo Bills outfit does on Broadway. Moo York.
 When Lem White come back from Saint LOOy with baggy bosom britches an a neck ribbon, it took one short lessen to convince him that he was guilty of insultin' us home folks in the first degree, an if you feel like men tionin' the subject to him its more'n likely hell acknowledge he was nigh tagged for the promised land as he
 W ants to be till after the general roundup.
 Intendin no reflection on the | breed of your nerve it might be neighborly for me to say that Lem is sort O touchy on personal history an unless you are spoilin' for agony I would walk soft with him on the sub ject, as he took things to heart an d-d some shootin' at the time.
 Concernin' billed shirts and neck or naments, this valley knows mighty lit tie an cares less. but most usually when them things does come our way ! they is something for to tell about to ! strangers happens about that time 1,g I-e. I. 4n- recording on the minutes come of when I was ridin' fence over in Para
 disc for Kernel Christy, mindin' my
 own business by tryin' to keep cool
 back of a greasewood, wonderin' what | kind of horse cuss-words old Pompey
 was thinkin' to hisself about the weather an eXpectin' moren likely 10 ! have the pleasure of thrOwin' an ounce
 or so of lead through some blame coyotes ribs, judgin' from the way he
 was prickin' up his ears an sniffiin'
 offward, when, I'll be roped fer a hoss | thief if there wasent comin' head on.
 the scardest, palest, dOodiest, skinniest i overgrown, red necktied tenderfoot you | ever saw. hOldin' on to the business
 end of one of them two-by-two target rides an as glad to see me as if he | had knowed me all his life.
 | Rattle-snakes, heeler monsters or q sinful conshunce-' says I, after he had
 taken Q breathin' spasm.
 No. no, neither" he said, scared
 like as if he was dyin', "a haunted COW. stone dead, died standing up and and groans coming from all about itl'' Well, I'll be britchen branded says l. dident you have no shooter with you?'
 ''Yes. yes. this rifle but I was too excited to use it.
 I says, Don't you count nothin' on them pop guns when it comes to deal in with Arizona ghosts, says 1, why, them two-by-two ticzlers wouldent hurt nobody unless you shot him too many times in the same place, says l, an besides. bullets an pisen is food an drink besides them cussed spec tres says l. you are the lucliest soft sole I've seen come down here an it's a part of my opinion that you should notify the sheriff to once before some innocent blood is shed, an thereby rise yourself to a hero in the sight of all fit to be drunk to by the men and sung
 to by the wimmen, an I'm a buzzard if he dident steer straight for the sher-
 ifs office an break right through the crowd an stop a chicken thief case short off to tell the justice that just outside of town they wuz a ghost haunted, moaning, grooming, stone dead COW, standin' up with all four legs