The Montgomery advertiser., 1906-11-25
 zHaHm SUPPLEMENTARY

of stable manners, and it was only na- tural that he would knuckle under to the Captain. The Captain had cold, l ginnlet eye. and he seldom smiled--in l fact, he had all the earmarks of very doggy Swell
 Nothing suited him. He kicked on l the food. All that -Powhatan could | oner him at that time were the natural products of, Virginia and the Chesa-
 peak region. such as Lynn Havens on the half shell. terrap;n, canvasback l duck, venison, bear meat, a few varie- ties of fish, prairie chicken and cake made of the native maize and called Pone. When this simble repast was spread before the Captain he moaned
 and said he wished he could be back
 at his Club in London. where he could draw up to a nice Bloater with a boiled potato on the side.
 After dinner he was interviewed. He said that America seemed Crude, but full of promise The inhabitants were lacking in repose and refinement and they used too much iced water and had perverted Sense of Humor.
 When he turned into his Tepee that night he set his boots outside, and when he awoke in the morning and found that they had not been neatly vanished during the night he let out an awful roar and said itNHas beastly country and that he was horribly an- moved.
 That day Powhattan invited him out to see some of the native games. The simple children of the West had one pastime which consisted of swatting the ball and then running.
 A number of local fans were out to witness the game They made a great deal of noise in roofing and seemed to enjoy the contest, but Captain Smith looked on with dead and ffshy eye, and said that he much preferred Cricket. Then he became peevish be- cause tea was not served at the ball game.
 That afternoon he landed on Pow hatan for slight Loan, and when the chief offered him wampum he kicked on the currency of the country and said they should adopt a sensible system, based on FaFthings, Bobs and Quids.
 That evening he was invited to din- ner again, and when the natives told him that they would dine at o'clock he said it was a most outrageous hour and that he was not accustomed to din ing before eight-thirty. All during dinner he mentioned that the room was too hot and the drinks were too cold. He muffed every joke that came into his territory and professed conf piete ignorance of local history. Then after dinner he sat around and told what Lord Somebody had said to him while they were up country shooting grouse, and that settled 1t.
 Late at night the chief and a few of the wise men of the village held a pow wow.
 'I deem it advisable to maintain friendly relations with all of tho great Powers" said Powhattan. in opening the conference, 'sbut there is a limit to human endurance Even a peaceable Indian may be goaded to madness if he Is walked on too often. The distin- guished Englishman has come among us. We have decorated his wigwam with flowers and fed him on wild tur- key. How dces he repay us? He is keeping a Diary and getting ready to roast us in a book to be issued In the early autumn. What shall we do to protect ourseives?"
 Some suggested scalping. Others thought that burning at the stake with a slow fire would be about the proper punishment. One of the head men sug- gested a Combination of the two, and said that they could lend variety to the performance by shooting poisoned arrows into the victim while he was writhing in the death agony. Another thought that running the gauntlet would bea a fair compromised. and still another aSkSQ, " ny HUI hGfC hiAS dragged by wild ponies?'
 After giving due consideration to all of their suggestions, the great chief spoke as follows:
 The trouble Is you are all trying to ring in on my private vengeance. I am the one who has suffered most and l want everybody else to stand back and let me hand him one Joke that he will understand. Tomorrow I will select the largest and wartiest war club in the village, and l will spread our noble guest out in front of me and then won't do thing to him."
 When Captain John Smith, F. R. S., learned next morning that he was to be taken to the public square and mauled to death with a club he entered 1 a Formal Protect in the name of the | Crown.
 He knew that the first duty of a British Subject anywhere or at any | time, and no matter what happens, is | to enter a Formal Protest.
 Then he said he wished to notify the | English Consul, but there was no Eng l fish Consul within 5000 miles.
 He thought some of writing another | letter to The London Times. but the | mall service was very irregular, and, |