davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1906-09-09

He drew a purse from his
pocket The action suggested that, for the
purpose of satisfying my inordinate de-
upon his private resources. But II did
not move me. Abstratcing. reluctantly, q
50-centime piece he added to IL the heap
upon the table 1 suggested his taking
seat. as at this rate II seemed likely we
should be doing business together for some
time. / think he gathered l was not a
fool. Hitherto he had been judging, / sup
pose, purely from appearances. But he
was not in the least offended. "Ah," he
cried. with a CHEEKY laugh. Monsieur COM
prendi" He swept the whole nonsense
back into his bag and gave me the right
change. 1 slipped my arm through his and
insisted upon the pleasure of his society
until 1 had examined each and every coin.
He went away chuckling and told another
waiter all about it. They both of them
bowed to me as / went out and wished me
a pleasant journey. / left them still chuck
ling A British waiter would have been
sulky all the afternoon. The waiter who in
sists upon mistaking you for the heir OF
all the Rothschi.ds used to cost me dear
when / was younger. / find the best plan
is to take him in hand at the beginning
and dtsiluson him. He signs when you
sweep aside his talk of "a Perrier Jouet
followed by 10 Chateau Latte. and ask him
IL. as man to man, he can conscientiously
six. But the fault is not yours. Your aris-
tocratic bearing has deceived him You
are not to be blamed for possessing on
aristocratic bearing.
The fatherly waiter is sometimes n COM
fort. You feel that he knows best. Your
instinct is to address him as uncle" But
you remember yourself In time. When yos
are dining a lady and wish to appear i'm
portant he is apt to be In the way. IL
seems somehow to be his dinner. You have
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1906-09-09
SOME WATERS
l HAVE KNOWN
Copyright. 1906, by Jerome X. Jerome.)

Copyright 1905, by Jerome X. Jcrome.)
70HE slowest waiter I know is the
British railway refreshment
room waiter. His very breathing.
regular, harmonious, penetrating,
instinct as II is with all the bet
ter attributes of a well-preserved GRANDPA
theirs clock, conveys suggestion of dignity
and peace He Is a huge, impressive per-
] son. There emanates from him an atmos-
phere of Louisiana. The otherwise unat-
tractive room becomes an oasis of repose
amid the turmoil of a fretful world. All
things conspire to aid him; the ancient
joints. ranged side by side like corpses In a
morgue. each one decently hidden under It's
white muslin shroud. whispering Of death
and decay; the dish of dead flies, thought
fully placed In the center of the table: the
framed advertisements. extolling the vir-
tues of heavy beers and stouts, of weird
champagnes, emanating from haunted look
ing chateaux. situate-if one may Judge
from the illustration-in the midst of desert
lands the sleep-inviting buzz Of the blue
bottle, The spirit of the place steals over
you. Your idea on entering, with quarter
of an hour to spare, was outlet and a
glass of claret. In the face of the refresh
ment room waiter, the notion appears frivo-
lous. not to say n-English. You order
cold beef and pickles. with a pint Of bitter
in tankard. To win the British walters
approval you must always order beer in
a tankard. The British waiter in his ideas
is medieval. There Is Shakespearean
touch about the tankard. A soapy potato
WILL of course be added. Afterward ton
of cheese and a basin of rabbits food float
ing in water (the British SALAD will be-
placed before you. You will work steadily
through the whole. anticipating the somno-
lence that will subsequently fall upon you
with a certain amount of satisfaction. 1t
will serve to dispel the last lingering re-
pra at the reflection that will miss
your appointment and suffer thereby seri-
Gus inconvenience, If not positive loss.
These things are of the world-the noisy,
tiresome world you have left without.
To the English traveller, the foreign wait
er. in the earlier stages of his career, is a
burden and trial. When he is complete.
when he really can talk English, 1 rejoice
in him. When 1 object to him is when the
English is worse than my French or Ger
man and when he will, for his n-educa-
tional purposes, insist nevertheless that the
would rather he came to me some other
time. 1 would so much rather make 1t af-
ter dinner, or. say. half an hour next morn
times. Besides to "a man with feeble d.
gestion. this sort of thing can lead to trou-
bile. One waiter 1 met at hotel in Dijon
knew very little English-about as much as
q poll parrot. The moment l entered the
sale a manger he started to his feet. "Ah,
you EnglishH' he cried. well, what about
VS." | answered. 1t during the period
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1906-09-09
Unanswered.

From the New York Sum-
The Sphinx had just propounded the rid
die as follows:
What is the husband of the woman at
the summer resort doing?'
Herewith they were fain to give it up.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1906-09-09
HneCdOfe8 COnCe1hin0
Weu-KnOWn pe0DlQ

wading through an after-dinner speech In
PHILADELPHIA
THE physician did not wade very far
through this speech. He said:
'Unprepared as amin this impromptu
totally unprepared. I wiil-ah-extempo-
raneously. being unprepared-'
Just then the physicians wife, who sat
next to me, said to her husband in low.
encouraging voice:
60 on, Tom! You had it all by heart
this afternoon. Go on
A Poets Wit.
The late Charles Hodson. chief clerk of
the American embassy in London. served
under eight American ministers-under
Lowell Welsh, Bayard, Hay, and so on
down.
"Mr. Dodson." said a New York i'm
porter. became an intimate friend or
Lowelrs during the poets incumbency.
He had all Lowelrs books with autograph
inscriptions, and he would narrate many
stories of Lowelrs quick wit AT din
travelling on Mediterranean steamer
when a shabby old musician took out
fiddle in the evening after dinner ana pre-
pared to make few pennies by playing
q tune or two.
"a little American girl stood beside Mr..
Lowell Watching the musician. she said:
why does he put handkerchief under
his chin like that when he plays! Is ne
"'No, my dear said Mr.. Lowell. He Is
afraid of soiiing his VIOLIN. D"
No Soul for Beauty.
The Rev. L. E. Hawk of Sebring. Ohio.
who is the prohibition candidate for Con-
eress breaches powerful and graceful SER
mons.
In a recent sermon Mr.. Hawk said that
the average woman had a higher sense of
beauty than the average man, and he
clinched this statement with an anecdote.
IAN American GIRL" he said. visited
some English relatives in, Devonshire. and
one moonlit evening. as she was walking
with a young man, her cousin. down
lovely lane nightingale from the thfcket
began It's passionate song So clear was
the moonlight that the brown bird was
quite visible poised on branch. with
head thrown back. and pulsating breast.
1.-The young girl listened. enraptured.
Then she cried:
ga nightingale! Oh, 1 have so long
wished to have one
q Cousin said the young man. whip
ping a pistol from his pocket, in two sec
onds the bird shall be yours.
Clever, But
ct heard William Jennings Bryan make
many a clever speech in London In July.
said a New York man. MI Bryan was
invited everywhere. and the brilliancy of
his speeches was the talk of the town.
Zone night, at dinner in Park lane, an
Englshman leaned across the table and
asked Mr.. Bryan what he thought of
certain trust magnate.
"A remarkable man. Mr.. Bryan an
swered. A man of wonderful ability But
whenever / see him. l am reminded of the
Scottish judge. Lord Braxfie,d. who, lean
ing down from the bench. said to an elo-
quent culprit:i
Z Eyer a vera cleyer chie1 mon. hut Tn
thinkin' we wad be name the waur o.
hangin'.'"
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1906-09-09
The Art o. Saying Things.

Lady Phyllis, in Bystander
To say a thing to any purpose. it must
be uttered with that childlike sense Of a
suddenly discovered treasure, which fde-
spite the fact that Adam and Eve may
have understood all about iD hoodwinks
the listener into the belief that he is being
told something new. E.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1906-09-09
He Fell Down.

A. H. Rrockie. the. Philadelphia architect.
designed the replica of Independence Hail
that the city Of Norfolk, Va. is to erect.
and at the ceremony of ground breaking
for this structure Mr.. Brooke, apropos of
speechmaking, said:
Whenever I listen to a poor speaker,
think OF physician whom / once heard
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1906-09-09
Too Much Ballooning.

From Motoring Illustrated
New Workers think that there is too much
ballooning in their city. They say there Is
no reason why a man who has a balloon
should be allowed TO drag clothes off roof
drying-grounds and ruin roof gardens.
What was once looked upon as scientific
pursuit has now become a nuisance.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1906-09-09
A Sly Poke.

From the Philadelphia Ledger.
Nell-'When I met May today had my
new gown on. OF course, L expected her
to say something about it, but she pretend
ed not to have seen it."
BeIl-"Yes. she's an awfully considerate
and tender-hearted girl
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1906-09-09
.HRS7 R0IzE H11eY CZAGH7| o02 Ww STIVkr

they ever come across him, they will men,
ton to him that you are waiting for him.
Meanwhile a stentorian voiced official Is
shouting that your train is on the point of
leaving. You console yourself with the re-
Election that II might have been more.
It always might have been more, sometimes
1t is.
A waiter at the Care du Nord. in Brus-
sells, on one occasion pressed upon me s.
franc piece, a small Turkish coin, the value
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1906-09-09
An Evening Spoiled.

Gertrude Atherton, the novelist. was con-
demning the Mormens and their ways
Imagine" she said, "a Mormon wife and
husband. on a cool autumnal evening, sit
ting by their cozy crate, she with her knit
ting, he with book or newspaper. The
wife looks up affectionately every little
while, thinking that she is lucky to have
secured such considerable, home-loving
chap for mate, when suddenly the man
rises and takes his hat and gloves.
Where are you going. dearT the wife
asks gently.
To see young Miss Smith the husband
replies. I have an appointment with her.
She is to give me her answer tonight I"
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1906-09-09
An Accommodating Thief.

Judge Lands of the United States district
court. who recently decided that the Zion
City funds belonged to the zionists. and
not to Dowie himself. told at dinner In
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1906-09-09
Perhaps.
From Puck.

Author-"This magazine has no reason for
Criric-"That il the reason It exists
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1906-09-09

HE GOES AWAY QUITE SUDDENLY.
of which was unknown to me. and remains
SO to this day. a distinctly bad francs
and from a quarter of pound to six
ounces Of centimes. change for a %
franc note. after deducting the price of a
cup of coffee. He put 1t down with the air
of one subscribing to a charity. We looked
at one another. 1 suppose I must have
conveyed to him the impression of being
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1906-09-09

HE Is A HUGE, IMPRESSIVE PERSON.
of the Boer war. 1 took it he about to
denounce- the English nation generally. l
was looking for something to throw at him.
'You English-you Englishman. yes?" he
repeated and then 1 understood he had
merely intended a question. l owned up
that / was and. accused him of being a
Frenchman. He admitted 1t. Introductions,
as it were, thus over. l thought l would Or
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1906-09-09
= A Clever Animal.

Mayor Tom L. Johnson Of Cleveland in
his fight against a street railway tore up
some Of the railways tracks. An injunc-
ton was served against him. and then he In
his turn secured another injunction.
I'VE are like the old lady and the dog
with our injunctions and mandamuses and
what not" said Mayor Johnson the other
who rented furnished villa for the sum-
mer, and with the villa large dog also
went. In the sitting room of the villa
there was very comfortable arm chalr.
The old lady liked this chair better than
any other In the house. She always made
for 1t the first thing.
But. alas she nearly always found the
chair occupied by the large dog. Being
afraid Of the dog, she never dared bid 1t
harshly to get out of the chair, as she
feared that 1t might bite her; but instead
she would go to the window and call
'Catsy
Then the dog would rush to the window
and bark, and the old lady would slip into
the vacant chair quietly.
Zone day the dog entered the room and
found the old lady in possession of the
chair He strolled over to the window. and
looking out, appeared very much excited
and set up a tremendous barking.
THE old lady rose and FASTENED to the
window to see what was the matter, and
the dog quietly climbed into the chair"
The Deacon Was Corker.
o. H. Kahn Of the banking firm of Kuhn,
Loeb & Co., Is a lover of fresh air. and
when he crossed the Atlantic on La Pro-
vence during her recent record-breaking
westward trip, he insisted on having all the
public rooms wen ventilated.
To Frenchman who complained that
there were too many open windows ana
portfolios, Mr.. Kahn said:
You remind me, sir, of an old minister
who, though he loved fresh air, used to
preach in small, crowded and ill-ventf-
| lated church It happened that one Sun
day, through some oversight or other, a
window In the church was left partly
open. The old minister actually began to
preach in a fairly decent atmosphere. But
in a minute or two an aged deacon arose,
dumped selemnly to the window and closed
1t.
1.-The minister paused In his sermon to
say bitterly: Deacon Jones, II L were
preaching in a bottle. verify believe you'd
put the cork in"
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1906-09-09
Blasted Hopes.

Samuel Byerley. the New York clerk
whose Panama bond coup Melted him $780,
600 and a better position with his COM
pany as well, was talking about his success
the other day.
How did feel" he said. when I found
that I was actually going to make all that
money? Well. II is hard to say how felt.
suppose felt just the opposite to a friend
of mine on the first night Of his first and
only play.
my friend had spent two years writing
the play. He was forty. his salary was
fifteen dollars a week. with no prospect Of
advancement. and he hoped to be delivered
from that grind by the play.
well on the first night, at the end of the
first act, my friend. rushing up to the stage
manager. said joyously. with visions of Eu-
ropean travel floating In his mind:
Z" Listen! They're calling for the author.
What shall do?
1.-The manager who understood the nature
of those calls. answered grimly:
You'd better skip out of the stage door
and make your escape while there is yet
time
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1906-09-09

While in Washington the Countess Cas-
sini could be seen daily driving out with
her three fluffy white French poodles.
These were bench dogs and were valued at
$4,000. maid was designated to look
after them and see that they had only
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1906-09-09

Cleveland, entertained in August at his
bungalow at Dark Harbor, Me, rich
English cousin.
The cousin, as the custom is abroad.
put his shoes out before his door every
night to be polished, but. though Mr..
Hughes servants numbered dozen. not
one of them, under any circumstances.
would consent to clean the shoes of the
English visitor. The host, to avoid q
domestic strike and to avoid embarrass-
ing his cousin. secretly took away and
blackened the shoes in question every
morning himself.
He was discussing the matter the other
day at Dark Harbor.
The average American servant won't
black Shoes" he said, land that Is all
there Is about it, I had consideration
fer my cousins feelings. though I think
now that I ought to have informed him
gently how the land lay. I ought to have
acted like a certain mining town hotel
keeper.
An Englishman. on a prospecting tour.
stopped at this mans hotel, and. after
his room had been assigned to him. no
said to the landlord, among other things:
land I'll put my boots outside the door
of my ROOM
"'AN right returned the hotel man.
TIL guarantee nobody'll fetch EN-.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1906-09-09
HOSPITAL S WHERE DOGS
....- AND CATS ARE TREATED

Is conducted much upon the same lines as
hospital for human beings.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1906-09-09
A Bad Break.

Chancellor James r. Day of Syracuse Uni
versity. in a discussion OF the craze for
athletics that sometimes becomes too ram
pant in the universities Of America. said
with a smile:
why, know young clergyman-he had
been an excellent first baseman at college
in his time-who after reading a portion
of the. Scriptures. said solemnly. as he
closed the Bible one Sunday morning in
the base ball season:
Here endeth the second innings"
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1906-09-09

Naughty Servants.
Henry Tyson Hughes, a millionaire cf
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1906-09-09

~ e was shaved his tempera-
- ture taken, bathed and put
This sounds like refer
The Paducah sun., 1906-03-14
LIGHTED PIPE
Causes Explosion of Powder and a
Few Other Things.

Morganiield, Ky. March IA
Smoking his pipe, Mr.. Lawrence
Gardner went into the store of Ev-
erett Bingham TO buy gunpowder.
When he came out, he carried with
him goodly portion of the sides and
end OF the building.
His clothing also came out at the
same time as Mr.. Gardner, but most
of 1t in different directions.
He did not even have on his col
lar. and aaa, but, although the cold
wave had struck town. Mr.. Gardner
was not chilly, for what clothing he
had left on him was burning.
He became chilly directly after.
however. for his friends threw him in
a trough of water.
The doctor says he is not badly
hurt, although his face is much swol-
len.
The damage to the store amounts
to several hundred dollars.
This includes two kegs of powder.
The Paducah sun., 1906-03-14
Section Hand Hit by Train.

Blackford. KY. March 14.-Mar-
shall Mickey. a section hand in the
service of the Illinois Central rail
DAD company, was struck by train
and probably fatally injured. Just
how the accident occurred is not
known, but track walker found the
wounded man near the track in an
unconscious condition. Mickey was
seen in Blackford Saturday and was
Intoxicated. On his return home he
reached Nunn's switch. ON the Crit
tenden county side of Tradewater
river, where the accident occurred.
He had unconsciously crawled some
distance after being struck, but was
not able 10 speak a word TO his
friends afterwards.
The Paducah sun., 1906-03-14
AUSTRIAN ASTHMA CURE.
Patients Cured by Ascatco in Con-
tinentaI Europe Numbered by
Thousands.

Vienna March 14.-Great honor
has been bestowed upon the discoy-
erers of the Austrian remedy as
catco, which not only relieves asth-
ma. catarrh and bronchitis, but
permanently cures these diseases
so that they will never return again.
The fact that the dose of ascatco is
only seven drops and that 1t causes
no stomach disorder has been com
mented on favorably by advanced
medical scientists.
Previous to this discovery, pa
tients suffering from respiratory dis
eases, were only able TO obtain tenn
porary relief. For the convenience
of patients living in the United
States, permanent depot has been
established at 32 West 25th street,
New York City. known as the Aus
trian dispensary. A trial treatment
of ascotco Will be sent free by mail
TO any request and medical advice
will also be furnished without
charge.
The Paducah sun., 1906-03-14
Negro Boy Struck Him in the
Head With Nut.
Expected When the Grocer Fell I'm
conscious TO Rob the Cash
Drawer and Store.
MIR. BACKER NOT MUCH HURT.

The police are investigating
very queer case supposed to have
been attempted robbery, and are
ralNing the South Side for a negro
boy who is supposed TO be guilty of
a vicious attack on Mr.. George
c. Backer, the grocer at Ninth and
Husbands streets.
Yesterday m1rn.ug about O'Clock
Mr.. Bacl0er was standing in his store
reading a paper. He had the Deft
side of his face turned to the door
when some one entered. Before MI.
Backer could turn to see who 1t was,
he received a blow on the side of
the face just below the temple
which rendered him partially un-
conscious.
He claims that he then saw a ne
gro boy, who appeared to be about
is years old, running out OF the
door. The missile used was q large
nut weighing eight ounces and with
six sides. 1t was thrown a distance
of about Is feet Mr.. Backtr dsi
not become totally unconscious an1
when the boy saw this, ran.
Mr.. Backer presumes that the ne
gro expected to knock him senseless
and then rob him. but falling. de
oamped.
officers Aaron Hurley and Henry
Singery arrested Richard Miller, a
small colored boy, but was not the
right one and the police are still
searching. Mr.. Backer says that Ne
is sure robbery was the object OF
the assault. Had the nut struck
little higher he might have been
killed. but as it is only flesh wound
was inflicted and Mr.. Backer is able
to be about.
The Paducah sun., 1906-03-14
Judge Reed DissOlves the In
junction Against Sheriff.
A Faction Objected to the 81 Tax
and Sought Permanent Injunc-
tion Against the Sheriff.
JUDGE REED HOLDS TAX VALID

Circuit Judge William Reed yes
terday afternoon decided the case of
John Garner against Dave Reeves,
sheriff OF Marshall county, dissolving &
an injunction taken out against Sher-
in Reeves to restrain him from col
lecting n tax of 81 on each person
In Marshall county. of road age"
In. Marshall county the roads may
be Worked by residents of the county
or by a tax, and the latter method
has been employed. Every person be-
tween the ages of Is and so years is
liable to be pressed mto service foi
manual labor to work the roads, or
must furnish a substitute or pay 81
as a tax for his part of the work.
Garner was leader of one fac
tion which believed the law uncon-
stitutional and brought the injunc-
tion suit Judge Reed after hearing
the arguments. decided that the law
was constitutional and so decided,
dissolving the injunction.
The suit was brought while Mr..
Reeves was sheriff and he has since
gone out of Office, but the suit was
continued in his name as the sheriff.
IL Is not known whether or not an
appeal will be taken.
The Paducah sun., 1906-03-14
BRYAN'S NAME
NOT ALLOWED TO APPEAR IN
ANY OF HEARST'S PAPERS.
Said to BE a Breach i'm the Friend
ship of the Democratic
Leaders.

Chicago ILL.,, March "A break
with a surprising sequence, IT was
learned today, has occurred. in the
former close friendship between VIM.
jennings Bryan, twice democratic
nominee for president. and William
Randolph Hearst, energetic seeker
of the nomination. As a result, the
name of Mr.. Bryan-sthll regarded
by thousands as the democratic lead
er--has been barred by Mr.. Hearst
who asPires to be the leader, from
appearing in any of his newspapers
This state of affairs has caused
resentment among the numerous
democrats who admire Mr.. Bryan.
Resentment has been made strong
by the fact that Mr.. Hearst appealed
to the democrats in the St. Louis
convention to nominate him to the
place on the ticket that had been oc-
cupied by Mr.. Bryan, and made his
appeal particularly to the elements
in the party who acknowledge Bryan
as leader. In the opinion of Mr..
Bryan's friends Mr.. Hearst's re-
markable action in excluding from
the columns OF his newspapers the
name of man he twice supported
for pic.l3ent. whose principles he
lauded, and for whom he professed
a great personal regard, has been IN
spired by feelings of personal 1eal-
ousy alone. Mr.. Bryan, say these
men, is recognized by Hearst as the
man whom he will have to defeat
ii he is to be nominated for presi-
dent at the next democratic national
convention.