Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922, 1906-04-09
SOB, YE THIRSTY BOOzERS
Variety Dubbed Frauds and
Humbugs.

That large important and patriotic body.
the whisky drinkers Of America, will be
grateful to the Department Of Agriculture
in general and to Chief Chemist Wiley I'm
particular. At least, they ought to be.
Prof. Wiley has at last completed his in
puisition into the imported articles known,
respectively, as Scotch" and Irish"
whisky. and the whole country now knows
that they are frauds and humbugs both.
Not to put too fine a point upon IL. we
may briefly say that % per cent Of the
so-called Scotch" Is distilled from the in
ferior brand Of corn produced abroad, and
that only a small fraction-namely. the
remaining tenth-is really Scotch whisky.
Just why they should put in that much
we do not undertake TO say, since the
smell OF rotten straw and the taste of peat
smoke could be obtained much more
cheaply and with quite as wholesome re-
suits. They do IT, however, and as the
ranks of the suckers increase in this coun-
try, according to Hungry 10, at the rate
of one every minute. the industry Is doubt
less profitable and the demand practically
unlimited. IT'S English, you know, and
that's enough TO float the stun on this
side.
A recent decision in the North Lon
don police court has had the effect Of de-
nouncing these fraudulent connections and
Of Furnishing their purveyors. This may
help the cause in the United State, since
the court has ordered that the alleged
Scotch and Irish WHISTLES exported from
the tight little island must hereafter be
labeled with true statement of their In
gradients. Again, II may not help at all,
for nothing is easter than to efface the
labels at the American port of entry and
so continue the good work OF humbugging
the American sucker The question with
us is not so much whether a thing is
really English whether we can be made
to believe It is.
Meanwhile, as we are not profoundly
interested in the propagation-or the propa-
gators-of British institutions in this coun-
try, it occurs to us to offer a suggestion
to the level-headed majority, who, so TO
speak, don't care continental where any
given thing comes from so long as It
strikes them favorably. We suggest, there
fore, that since nine-tenths of this So
called Scotch whisky is the distilled
product of inferior European corn. and the
only exotic feature thereof are a bad
smell and a rancid taste, It may be Just
as well, II not better. to have our Scotch
made at home of straight American corn
Juice and the dead-cat effect added by the
employment of domestic material. In this
way we could monopolize-so far, at least,
as the home market Is commemorative en-
tire output of Scotch whisky" That
would be business for our manufacturers
and it wouldn't mitigate the happiness OF
the Willie-boys unless some one went and
told them.
We strongly recommend this arrange
ment. Under It's operation the two classes
of Scotch whisky" drinkers could be graf
flied according to their taste and wisdom.
The enlightened would get a better quail
ity of corn Juice, colored with dried APP
pies or something of that kind, while the
imitation English who insist upon the
smoky effect could suit themselves with
an infusion Of almost any variety OF barn
yard refuse. We believe in making every
body happy. We aim to please-washing-
ton Post