The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1906-05-06

OF the ten million things which y dis-
orect married ,f1an should not 10, the
most dangerous Of allAilt to attempt 70
surprise his wife,
other virtues It may have, is not pnilt;
IN s,,tnrises. It. can't stand en- and
= won't stand en-.
Nd In the first place, womnn's curiosity
efs her predominant trait. ana what is
more, wifely curiosity anent the tricks
Of husbands Is the strongest OF all hu-
man emotions.
~ I'm fact that her collsort has gotten
TIA bette OF her pfyings and nosngs,
"a 10 arouse feminine ire TO the highest
mitch OF indlgnation.
tNo matter II the surprise Is designed
IA please the wife--thnt makes no dif \
ference; leastwise mighty little, though
n u I ma ~, In some outward degree abhte
~. wrath which otherwise would follow.
i1f YOU must nmusc yourself and court
= danger at the same time. enjoy Il uniet
hour or 70 in throwing dynamite pellets
ut a granite quarry or take Il pcacctui
smoke Of your pipe while seated OF,
keg OF gunpowdcr.
This article comes not from the pen
oran celebrated thcorist; II Is the heart
oitpouring OF one who has vile ana
once sought to surprise her. The IN
cident to be related Is not thrilling, OF
rather II isn't TO anybody but the man
who experienced It,. Y "a
Yet 1t is full OF nature. human nature.
or rather female nature, when, 'e''' u -
presume Is the same thing.
N 4 For some months past the Comman DER
K ,n.ch,ef and myself have been OF one:
mind on a certain subject. 1t Ism 7 oi zen
mai we are OF one mind. for unanimity,
unlike twins, Is not born OF matrimohy.
mt IN this Instance, we are 81 one ono
mind--both OF us. being Of VIVA is cali ,,'.
the artistic tcn1peram ent. nave lu r,s
agreed thnt clubhouse looks sRl1nP !, ~
skmpy we mean obviously
of financial strngency and des s'r ~
tyoai dollars as though they were lndia
Esnecially in. our mural ornamental ton
have we found this to be the ca 81.
Somehow the dinkey little pictures on
the walls suggest a solitary pea llou,i.
derlng around in a bowl Of snndo" SOUP
I, or lonely mollusk N a church o's.ei
4 stew. -.
'.E;yerybody can see that we've goI
oooa taste said the Queen Bee last
Saturday night as she iuggled darn
ING ner In the heel OF II badly perforatcu
juvenile sock, but that doesn't cut any
figure. People can also see when nan
hungry, though their perception aoesn a.s
feed him. Now blind man cou ~ q 80,
"a this house and observe BY the ieei
~ things that we've got nothing nut !.
& Iotanf n,ea sly tea atore chromos ana cal
andars whereas IL we had one or TWO
5g hivI nict,,res--fine ones.I meant "o1 'lo
add tone to the whole place.
And at this she heaved q sigh,-o , O.
that peculiar kind OF signs when Is es-
timated by expert flnanciers 70 t,. eos. n ~
hands something like ten or III teen Teen uo'7
lars a heave. h,,,d
~ and madly rcsolved--to surprise Inc
Gentle repaIrer OF hosiery "lth5a present
K Ia, would remove from the. premises
every suggestion OF skmpyness' dinKcS-
4 ness or measlyness. -,
In shortl determined 70 90 ho"n w, . ~. =
,.nnheknownst,,f to the commander-inl1I
Il r.h,ar buy a fine large picture. have ~
carfed home and thrown into my aston
ishad house before the good woman could
say Jack Robinson.
Sov,. IL j had been young and totally
utIsophisticated, might have expecteu
after such performance. to nave shI
Queen Bee gratefully meet me "hen
cot or the trolley car. bundle me ~ ny .
arms and peck me on my aiaoas.er LIN ~.
But not being young, and assureols
Mt unsophisticated. ought to nave
known better. Only didn :.
In other words ! sccretively bought the
picture. II was a large and gritty o..
nainting which reposed in stupendous!y
i heavy gtlt frame, and represented Venice:
a. rather, that ortlon OF the Queen OF
the Adriatc" which shows the Ooges
palace, the Lion Of st. Mark. etc. Inc
naintIng. like Venice itself, was not new;
4 indeed to confess the truth. IT was az
an auction house. and there was 50 mucn
dust on 1t that one longed to see the gon-
dolas equipped with street sprlnklers a
they moved. or We're Supposed 10 move
down the arid canals !,
''They need rain badly IN that town,
+ I muslnglys said to myself when ! Sazeu
uon the canvas, .'but the Queen Bee VIII
be fabricated with the oil OF JOY when
It comes rumbling in on her. And she ~
be that pleased with mo that WOULDN'T
be surprised II she didn't call this trek
cute.
And so, when the bidding commenced.
plunged into the, fray. Several old
ladies, whose desire for the painting
showed that they had no fear OF nasal
catarrh, were hot after the picture Them
selves. and scowled ferociously at tine
when / bid ten dollars One, speaking
In a purposely audible whisper. desig-
mated mo as IAN ungentlemanly. coarse
thing" and another said that no true
Southern man would bid against lady.