The Butler weekly times. (Butler, Mo.) 1881-1918, 1906-01-04

Abroad were first given to us. On De-
cember 9th he was the guest Of honor
ut a dinner in New York, to celebrate
his SEVENTEEN birthday. The guests
were confined closely to writer's
Of imaginative literature, and about
ITO authors were present, nearly half
Of them women. Every guest received
as souvenir bust Of Mark Twain,
half-life size. Naturally Mr.. Clemens
was the principal speaker; he took as
his text, How to get to be seventy
and not mind it." He said:-
"The SEVENTEEN birthday! 1t is the
time of life when you arrive at a new
and awful dignity; when you may
throw aside the decent reserves which
have oppressed you for a generation,
and stand unafraid and unabashed
upon your seven-terraced summit and
look down and teach--unrebuked. You
can tell the world how you got there.
1t is what they all do. You shall never
get tired Of telling by what delicate
arts and deep moralities' you climbed
up to that great place. You will ex-
plain the process and dwell on the par
ticulars with senile rapture. l nave
been anxious to explain my own sys-
tenn for long time, and now at last
l have the right.
Regularly Irregular.
"I have achieved my seventy years
in the usual way-by sticking strictly
to a scheme of my life which would
kill anybody else. 1t sounds like an ex'
aggeration, but that Is really the COM
mon rule for attaining to old age.
We have no permanent habits until
we are forty. Then they begin to har-
den, presently they petrify, then busi-
ness begins. Since forty ] have been
regular about going to bed and getting
up. and that is one Of the main things.
/ have made it a rule to go to bed
when there wasn't anybody left to sit
up with, and l have made it rule to
get up when l had to. This has result
ed in an answering regularity of ir-
regularity.
in the matter of diet-which is
another main thing-I have been per-
sistently strict in sticking to the things
which didn't agree with me until one
or the other of us got the best Of it.
Until lately got the best of it myself.
But last spring I stopped frolicking
with mince pie after midnight; up to
then l had always believed it wasn't
loaded. For thirty years have taken
coffee and bread at 8 in the morning
and nosbite nor sup until 7.30 in the
evening.
81 have made it a rule never to
smoke more than one cigar at time. l
have no, other restriction as regards
smoking. l do not know just when l
began to smoke; / only know that 1t
was in my fathers lifetime. and that
l was indiscreet. He passed from this
life early in 1S47, when I was shade
past eleven; ever since then l nave
smoked publicly. As an example to
others, and not that I care for moder-
alton myself, 1t has always been my
rule never to smoke when asleep, and
never to refrain when awake.
"As for drinking, l have no rule
about that. When the others drink l
like to help; otherwise remain dry,
by habit and preference. This dry
ness does not hurt me, but 1t could
easily hurt you, because you are
different. You let it alone.
First Standard Oil Trust.
"Since was seven years old have
seldom taken a dose Of medicine and
have still more seldom needed one.
/ But up to seven I lived exclusively on
allopathic medicines. Not that need
ed them, for don't think I did; but 1t
was for economy. Ny father took q
drug store for a debt and 1t made cod
liver oil cheaper than the other break.
fast foods. I was the frst Standard
OIL Trust. I had It all. By the time
| the drug store was exhausted my
health was established, and there has
never been much the matter with me
i since.
~ have never taken any exercise. ex.
cept sleeping and resting, and nevez
aIn a va ~