davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
East Oregonian : E.O. (Pendleton, OR) 1888-current, 1906-04-10

Nothing will relieve Indigestion
that is not thorough digestant Ko-
dol Dyspepsia Cure digests what you
eat, and allows the stomach to rest
-recuperate-grow strong again. A
few doses of Kodol after meals will
soon restore the stomach and diges-
tive organs to full performance of
their functions naturally. Sold by
Tallman & Co.
East Oregonian : E.O. (Pendleton, OR) 1888-current, 1906-04-10
FOR APRIL

We have longer list Of better bar
gains than ever, including wheat
lands. stock ranches and city proper
ty. Any kind of business proposition
you want. Samples: $50 acres at 81
per acre; will raise wheat or corn;
go acres broken. One mile from rail-
road.
Half section in wheat. Will raise
1000 bushels this year. $3.50 per
acre.
East Oregonian : E.O. (Pendleton, OR) 1888-current, 1906-04-10
For Sale.

Modern Groom, two-story house,
with basement SOx42; three lots, barn
for four head of horses, harness room,
buggy shed. Sidewalks. Will sell
house and one or two lots, or whole,
as desired. Inquire at office of Mrs.
| c. G.. Van Orsdall.
East Oregonian : E.O. (Pendleton, OR) 1888-current, 1906-04-10

On the Ohio river, near Ravens
wood, w. Va, the boiler of the tow
boat Hoxie blew up, killing John
Moran and Joseph Wheeler. A string
of IL empty barges went adrift.
East Oregonian : E.O. (Pendleton, OR) 1888-current, 1906-04-10

- ucSduSC SOuCCcp-
tive. Many sudden
deaths are caused
by it-heart dis
ease, pneumonia,
heart failure or
apoplexy are often
the result of kid
ney disease. If
kidney trouble is
Observation-Disclosures
Neutrality-suspicious.
ed blood will at
East Oregonian : E.O. (Pendleton, OR) 1888-current, 1906-04-10
z. 7. Wade g. Son

p. o. BOX. 324. Phone Black Bill
T.. O. Building + Pendleton, Ore.
East Oregonian : E.O. (Pendleton, OR) 1888-current, 1906-04-10
The Cause of Many
Sudden Deaths.

There is disease prevailing in this
country most dangerous because so decep-
East Oregonian : E.O. (Pendleton, OR) 1888-current, 1906-04-10
FOR EQUAL SUFFRAGE.
President of Oregon Press Association
Speaks.

Albert Tozier, president of the Or
egon Press association, in writing to
East Oregonian : E.O. (Pendleton, OR) 1888-current, 1906-04-10

ALBERT TOZIER,
Sec'y Oregon Press Assn.
Holbrook argus., 1906-02-03
Trick of the Trade.

Madam" began the peddler as he opened his red satchel "can sell you something this morning?"
 "No," snapped the elderly matron, raising her broom ominously, "and you better move on."
 "Just as you say, madam. l was going to offer you the greatest wrinkle remover on earth, but I see you don't need it."
 "Ah, T."
 And also this wonderful remedy for restoring gray hair to it's natural color, but you have no use for that, either"
 "Why, how kind of you to think so! l."
 And this little volume entitled How to Remain Beautiful Forever But It would be superhuous to offer it to you. Goodday, madam"
 Come back here! Come back here this instant. I do not need them, as you say, but will buy them and give them to some friend. I always en- courage truthfulness."
Holbrook argus., 1906-02-03
No Race Suicide There.


 Frederick Starr, professor of anthro pology of the University of Chicago was about to set off on his two years visit to Africa. You are going over there to study the pigmies, aren't you" he was asked.
 That guess Is only partially cor rect" Prof. Starr answered, for am going to study other things, too." He smiled and went on: You remind me of man who called at a house which the stork had just visited.
 "Is 1t boy or girl? said thil man.
 "'Guess,' said. the father. "'A boy said the man. "'You are only half right the tath. CT answered with a sigh"
Holbrook argus., 1906-02-03
Greatest of All Idiots.

See the Practical Joker. He is not much of sight, but still he is worth looking at as a Curiosity, as a Study in Uncommon Cussedness. The Prac- ucal Joker is the offspring of asininity run to seed. He is what was Left Over after the rest of the world was ere ated. There was Slight Surplus, a mere fraction, not enough to make a Complete Man, so the Scraps were scraped up, pressed together and mold ed into a. Practical Joker. The Job was not patented. Nobody thinks enough of the invention to patent it. You couldn't sell Practical Jokers for cents a bunch if you should stand out on the corner of Fifth and Morri- son streets and spiel till your vocal cords got tied into double bow-knots. The public is aware of the Shell Game when it sees the layout. The Practi- cal Joker is an Escaped Idiot from the Idiotville Asylum, but he is by nc means a harmless idiot When recog- nized he should be roped forthwith and hauled back to his native and natural environment, the Padded Cell.-Port. land Oregonian.
Holbrook argus., 1906-02-03
Geography .s She h Taught.

Little Rob was the prize geographer of his class; that is, he could locate cities and bound countries with great glibness. He could draw the most real lstic maps, printing in the rivers, moun- tain ranges and cities from memory. Rob considered geography purely In the light of game, in which he al- ways beat, but he never associated 1t with the great world about him. Riv- CTS, to him, were no more than black, wiggly lines; cities were dots, and States were blots. New York was green, Pennsylvania was red, and Cal ifornia was yellow. Of course Rob had never travelled. He was born in a canon near the country school he attended. One day the teacher made the discovery of Rob's idea of geogra- phy through the following incident. Af- ter vainly inquiring of several of the children where British Columbia is To- cated, she called on Rob, who, as , usual, was waving his hand excitedly, wild with the enthusiasm of pent-up knowledge.
 "It is on page 6S," he declared.
 After the roar had subsided, the teacher explained that that was only a picture of British Columbia. Then she asked Rob to bound British Colum- bia.
 Can't teacher; it is all over the page"-Success Magazine.
Holbrook argus., 1906-02-03
True Greatness.

That man going down the street Is evidently one of your most prominent citizens," remarked the stranger with in the gates.
 That's what he is, stranger" re- oined the native. But how did you guess it?"
 Why, everybody turns around to look after him." said the stranger.
 "Yes," continued the native, there isn't man in this town he doesn't owe."
Holbrook argus., 1906-02-03
All the Comforts of Home.

"Nat" Goodwin, the comedian, once possessed a fine country house on the banks of the Thames River, near New London, Connecticut. Every summer he used to invite some of his Thespian friends to join his house party.
 On one such occasion Goodwin de- livered himself of a bon mot that is worth repeating.
 "Nat," said some one, you certainly have a fine place here. Just think of It, lawn right on the river"
 "Yes," drawled Nat" tits fine. In the spring we have the lawn on the river, and in the fall we have the river on the lawn"
Holbrook argus., 1906-02-03
Her View of It.

The Friend-How is your husband Is he getting on all right at the sea- side?
 The Wife-He writes to say that he is getting quite well again and wants for nothing.
 Doesn't that strike you as suspic- ious?"
 "WhyY
 Ut seems to me he might want you at least."-Tales.
Holbrook argus., 1906-02-03
HUMOR OF THE WEEK
STORIES TOLD BY FUNNY MEN
 OF THE PRESS.
Odd, Curious and Laughab1e Phases of Human Nature Graphically Portray ed by Eminent Word Artists of Our Own Day-A Budget of Fun.
Worlds Greatest Forests.

The crown forests of Russia com prise 3O,OOO,0O0 acres belonging to the Czar and 303,OOO,OOO acres controlled by another branch of the government. The Czar employs 27,OOO wood police, who cut approximately 12,OOOOOO tons year, chiefly for firewood. Twenty years ago wood-cutters in the United States felled timber covering 10000 acres annually, but this wholesale de- struction has been stopped.
Holbrook argus., 1906-02-03
At 12;3O A, M,

Miss Weerie-Didn't hear you say that you disliked the odor of ham and eggs?
 Mir. Stoplate-Excessively. Why do you ask?
 Miss Weerie yawning)-Well, we're going to have ham and eggs for break fast, and I don't like to have you an- noyed.-Cleveland Leader.
Holbrook argus., 1906-02-03
OUR BUDGET OF FUN.
HUMOROU8 SAYINGS AND DO.
 lNGS HERE AND THERE.
Jokes and J0kelets that Are Supposed
 to Have Been Recently Born-Sayinxs and Doings that Are Old, Curious ard
Never Smiled Again.

"How do you manage to write all those funny things?" asked the inquis- itive female of the jokesmith.
 with typewriter, madam," an swered the so-much-per-yard grin pro- ducer.
 "Indeedw exclaimed the 1. f. Don't you know, imagined you used some sort of copying apparatus"
Holbrook argus., 1906-02-03
His Complaint.

q s'pose," growled the old farmer, them air autymobeels iz entitled t half tn road, ain't they?''
 "Of course they are, Uncle Hiram," replied the village squire.
 "Yaas, I s'pose so," continued the old man, "but I don't low ez they've got enny right t take their half out uv tn middle. by grass!
Holbrook argus., 1906-02-03
His Mission in Life.

q am doing my share toward the elevation of womankind," remarked the youth with the tall collar and noisy tie.
 "In what way queried the man with the auburn complexion.
 q run an elevator in a department store," explained the youth.
Holbrook argus., 1906-02-03
Mhtrimonial Safeguards.

No parent should permit child to marry until the prospective brittle or bridegroom can produce from reputa- ble insurance company an acceptance of her or his life at ordinary rates. Here is ready means to hand of determining fitness; its adoption would no doubt in- crease the number of runaway matches to some extent, but it would help to give pause to nasty and emotional peo- ple.-Hospital.
Holbrook argus., 1906-02-03
Somewhat Similar.

"Women and men are very much alike in one respect" said the home grown philosopher.
 "What's the answer" queried the inexperienced youth.
 Men," explained the philosophy dis penser, "lie about the fish they didn't catch and women lie about the men they could have married had they wanted to-"
Holbrook argus., 1906-02-03
Trusts vs. kings.

"What," queried the fair maid, Ifs the difference between a trust and a ring"
 "I'm afraid I cannot explain tue diff ference in so many words," replied the young man in the case, but if you'll put your trust in me I'll blow myself for the ring tomorrow"
 And she put her trust in him.
Holbrook argus., 1906-02-03
TOmmy's Choice.

Mister" whispered Tommy to the contractor who was building his fath- CTS new house, put tin roof on in- stead of shingle roof, will you?"
 "Why so, my lad?" asked the con- tractor in surprise
 "Well, you can't spank kid with tin roof, can you"
Holbrook argus., 1906-02-03
No Divorce Likely.

"Gracious Whats the matter?" asked the Chicago bridegroom, finding his bride in tears.
 "Oh"' she sobbed, q just ripped and fell coming up the stairs"
 But you didn't hurt yourself, did you?"
 Hurt myself? Don't you know that's sign I won't get married this Year?"
Holbrook argus., 1906-02-03
Information wanted.

Tom-Then you refuse my offer of marriage, do you?
 Clara-I do.
 Tom-Pardon me, but I'd liLe to ask you just one more question.
 Clara-Well, what Is 1t?
 Tom-How many times do you usu- ally refuse chap before you accept him?
Holbrook argus., 1906-02-03
Too Obliging.

Rodrick-What has become of that tall butler who was so polite?
 Van Albert-He is not here any more.
 Rodrick-You don't say? Why, he seemed to be an excellent chap. Used to take your coat and hat as soon as you entered the door.
 Van Albert-That's the trouble. He took about dozen coats and hats one day and then left.
Holbrook argus., 1906-02-03
No Ruben's WOrR.

Mrs. Al de Mustahd-And have you any paintings by Rubens?
 Mrs. Justin de Bunch-Mercy, no! All our pictures are by the best ar lists.
 Mrs. A. de- M.-But Rubens-
 Mrs. J. de B.-Dont tell me. nev- CT saw a rube yet that could paint Cleveland Leader.
Holbrook argus., 1906-02-03
Somewhat Different.

Johnny" said the teacher, "pro- nounce delighted
 "Yessur," replied Johnny. "Do you want 1t according to Webster or ac- cording to Roosevelt?"
 "What do you meanY
 "Why, if it is according to Web ster it is 'de-lighted,' and if it is ac- cording to Roosevelt it is 'dee-light- ed.'"
Holbrook argus., 1906-02-03
Excess Baggage.

"Now that you have accepted the position as drummer we will start you on the road at once."
 "Yes, sir"
 "You will have fifty trunks to look after"
 Fifty trunks? Great Scott, do you think I am a summer girl
Holbrook argus., 1906-02-03
Iron Nerve.

"Ma," said the little boy, rushing in the kitchen, "AIrs. Prune next door wants to borrow your fatirons. She says she wants to throw them at cat"
 "The nerve of it!" replied his mother. "But that ain't the worst of it, ma." "What else?"
 "It is our cat that she wants to throw them att
Holbrook argus., 1906-02-03
Lesson in EtymoIogy.

She-I wouldn't be surprised If the servant girl were listening at the key. hole.
 He-Nor I. That's a woman's trick. She-Oh, indeed?
 He-Of course. That's why it's called Eyes dropping.-Philadelphia Press.
Holbrook argus., 1906-02-03
Said the Right Thing.

Mother-Why did you let him kiss you?
 Edith-Well, he was so nice about it. He asked--
 "The idea! Haven't I told you you must learn to say 'No?"
 "That's what did say. He asked mo If I'd be very angry if he kissed me-"
Holbrook argus., 1906-02-03

What did you do with that corned beef hash left here?"
 "Thunderation! I thought that was mince meat, so made 1t up into pies!
 "Well, then, poach an egg and drop it on the mince meat. I just got an order from the dining room for corned beer hash."
Holbrook argus., 1906-02-03
We'll Supplied,

The young man with the black box and big brass horn entered the exclu- sive hotel.
 What have you there?" asked the clerk.
 "A talking machine. Can I sell you one" tr''' ''.'.f '~
 Ut would be superfuous here. This hotel is patronized exclusively by la dies"
Holbrook argus., 1906-02-03
Methods of the Magnates.

Reporter-Aad why do you carry Waterbury watch?
 Rockysage-To wind when I've noth- ing else to to do.
 Reporter-What do you gain by that? Rockysage-I save time.-Cleveland Leader.
Holbrook argus., 1906-02-03
Pretty Thin.

"There goes my auto flying along" q don't see any auto" uit "No, that chauffeur of mine drives it 50 fast you can't see t."-Cleveland Plain Dealer.
Holbrook argus., 1906-02-03

The Carthage (Mo) Press says that a Joplin boy asked his Sunday school teacher last Sunday if the James boys wrote the Book of James.
Holbrook argus., 1906-02-03

An effort made for the happiness of others lifts us above ourselves.-L. M. Child.
Holbrook argus., 1906-02-03

 tive female of the jokesmith. with typewriter, madam" an swered the so-much-per-yard grin pro- 1ucer.
 "Indeed" exclaimed the 1. f. Don't you know, I imagined you used some sort of copying apparatus"
 Lesson in EtymOlOgy. She-I wouldn't be surprised If the servant girl were listening at the key. hole.
 He-Nor I. That's a woman's trick. She-Oh, indeed?
 He-Of course. That's why it's called Eyes dropping.-Philadelphia Press.
 TOmmy's Choice. Mister" whispered Tommy to the contractor who was building his fath- CTS new house, put a tin roof on in- stead of shingle roof, will you?" "Why so, my lad?" asked the con- tractor in surprise
 "Well, you can't spank kid with tin roof, can you?"
 Excess Baggage. "Now that you have accepted the position as drummer we will start you on the road at once." "Yes, sir"
 "You will have fifty trunks to look after"
 Fifty trunks? Great Scott, do you think I am a summer girl
 No Ruben's WorR. Mrs. Al de Mustahd-And have you any paintings by Rubens? Mrs. Justin de Bunch-Mercy, no! All our pictures are by the best ar- lists.
 Mrs. A. de- M.-But Rubens- Mrs. J. de B.-Don't tell me. I nev. CT saw a rube yet that could paint Cleveland Leader
 Said the Right Thing. Mother-Why did you let him kiss you?
 Edith-Well, he was so nice about it. He asked--
 "The idea! Haven't I told you you must learn to say 'No?" "That's what did say. He asked mo If I'd be very angry if he kissed me-"
 His Mission in Life. q am doing my share toward the elevation of womankind," remarked the youth with the tall collar and noisy tie.
 'In what way queried the man with the auburn complexion. "I run an elevator in a department store," explained the youth.
 At 12,3O A. M. Miss Weerie-Didn't I hear you say that you disliked the odor of ham and eggs?
 Mir. Stoplate-Excessively. Why do you ask?
 Miss Weerie (yawning)-Well, we're going to have ham and eggs for break fast, and I don't like to have you an- noyed.-Cleveland Leader.
 Iron Nerve.
 "Ma," said the little boy, rushing in the kitchen, Mrs. Prune next door wants to borrow your fatirons. She says she wants to throw them at cat" "The nerve of it!'' replied his mother. "But that ain't the worst of it, ma" :" "What else?"
 "It is our cat that she wants to throw them at."
 Methods of the Magnates. Reporter-A1d why do you carry a Waterbury watch?
 Rockysage-To wind when I've noth- ing else to to do.
 DouorAov 1o x,ou sr 1v %h of ?
The sun. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1833-1916, 1906-09-30
CHICAGO b FINANCES.
Existing subway Stock and HIinois Tunne'
Bonds 70 Ne Retired.

ExIsinw Subway STOCK and nlinoas Tunnel
Bonds to Be Retired.
CHICAGO, Sept. 3s.-PIans 10 refinance the
Chicago Subway Company have been oom-
pIeted, but there 10 no telling when they
win be made public and 60 into effect.
They contemplate, however. the retiring
Of present subway stock and Illinois Tunnel
bonds.
Pending the adjustment Of m alters still
under confederation, which gossip says 10 the
purchase Of the local electric light oom-
panios, the company has negotiated a loan
to provide Il with funds for increasing its
telephone system TO 10000 instruments and
for adding four miles moro TO h TUNE
systsm to oompIete the nifty miles required
by lAw eventually.
Until the company has its tunnels und or
fun Roadway bringing in an income suf-
ficient to O. the $3.50. 900 yearly interest on
the tunnel bonds outstanding, the company
December / a payment OF t416 900 falls due.
The recent loan was made In the shape OF
one loan for 90 500 900, secured by Illinois
Tunnel bonds at 80. This makes a total OF
about 81 1000 900, which, with the tiI!OO0O 900
regularly outstanding. makes aboute24 ,OOO,-
600 Of bonds really issued out OF SO,0OO,o 900
authorized. The loan Of 5000 900 made
some time ago md maturing December 1
IL taken up by the new loan.
The terms Of the loan are 8 per cont. in
tereet and an allowance Of Q per cont. on
balances, which 10 favorable, considering
the character of the money market. The
new loan is to run fifteen months and expire
December 1, 1907. However, ID will be taken
I'D whenever the new reorganization plan
is brought out, which may be well In ad-
vance Of it's maturity. The9Thoie matter
lies in the hands Of Z. II. Hartman, who
now controls the system.
The sun. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1833-1916, 1906-09-30
THE RURE FOOD SHOW.
Exhibition which Opens ro-morrow Q Coed
Place for the Hungry.

Exhibition which Opens Tomorrow O Coed
Piace for the Hungry.
The pure food show, which Ia conducted
by the Manhattan and Bronx Retail 0rooers'
Association to bring the manufactures and
consumer into closer relations, will open
tomorrow in st. Nicholas Rink, and will
remain through October. Similar shows
have been very successful in other cities.
More than eighty big concerns will all
the floor space with their booths ex-
hibits. The booths are unusually elaborate
and costly-in fact, the exhibitors are spend
ing more money OF their displays than
ton. Food samples will be one Of the big
gest features OF the show, and II is eeti-
mated that in two weeks enough Of them
will be distributed free to feed 1000 poor
families for a week.
At the door b management will pro-
vide zach woman with two large canvas
shopping bags, and IN them, il is announced,
enough tea, coffee, jellies, hackers and all
kinds OF canned goods may be carried
away to provide six good meals, each OF
four courses.
Each ticket will have attached TO it ff-
teen coupons calling for about $3.50 worth
Of samples which may be carried away,
and the amount Of free foo which may
be eaten at the various booths win be Inn
tied only to the appetite OF the visitor.
Many OF the exhibitors win give free cook
ing lessons and q ladies' orchestra will
provide two concerts daily.
For the first week o feature viii be 2 baby
contest and an eating match, In which al
visitors viii be free to compete.
The sun. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1833-1916, 1906-09-30
gRAFN RAKKBrs RFKMER.
wheat Receipts LAGhters win Improved
Can Dontana-Cem TrAdc lAght.

wheat Receipts LAShters win Improved
Caah Demand -Cem FradO LAght.
CHICAGO, Sept. 5o.--Improved cash do
mAnd. lighter rsosipts In tho Northwest.
a frtnor tendency In tho foreign market
and a further increase In tho popular sp@Cu-
latiyN interest were The governing features
Of tbs wheat marist tho last wesk.
.Ths latter ~lnfhuencs. however 4, did not
prove Of suGioient strength to hold the
prioa at IN hiGhast level a. big holders were
satisned TO take down their profits In sight
on tbs advan0s. which caused q recession
In prices.
Az Tho trading progressed the arrivals
IL spring whsat In b Northwest beoanne
nearer normal. but the railroads are stu
short Of can. This 10 q condition which
may u q sharp advances IN prices should
tbs millers suddenly sntsr the market on Q
large scsAe.
ThrsshlnR returns on wheat are disap-
pointing, particularly In Minnesota. which
has the smallest crop In six years. Ths
los, however, 10 Offset by North Dakota
having tho largest crop on record.
Thus far spring wheat In the Northwest
has moved slowly, which II due TO un-
favorable weather delaying threshing and
10 the scarcity Of oars. The millers In
thu Northwest are paying high premiums
for cash wheat and interior millers aro
apparsntly absorbing . great deal Of tho
deliveries from farmers. The largest cash
handleu, who were extremely bearish
untl within q few days. predict that wheat
win 70 to 90 cents at Duluth. This would
not take much Of an advance.
The nour trade In general, however. n NOS
loading up a. extensively - in recent years,
for distributors know that there 10 Q lsrge
crop Of wheat and thoy need not worry about
their future reuuirements. A little wheat
| and -four In being sold for export all the time,
but business IL not In proportion 70 what u
should be- to make N exciting bull market.
The impression prevails. however, tnAs IL ~
n slow bull market In wheat.
Trade In porn has been Gmall q prices
have moved In both directions. There 10 q
late inquiry for new corn for late November
and December shipment from the seaboard,
but business h very small The short Interest
In all deliveries has been reduced and the
price 10 down TO q point that 10 debaoaplc.
The crop IN practically made, but every Gay
Of good weather from now on will increase
the percentage Of high quality. The move
nent Ia the Interior h moderate, but q faLr
quantity of corn 10 being consigned here.
AT the outset there was . large speculative
business in oats which kept the markee
oompArutively firm. The shipping demand
showed Improvement.
The buying Of corn and the selling Of May
oats IL q popular spread with some traders,
while others are taking the opposite side on
the theory that a large crop Of corn and q
moderate crop OF oats Will bring the Two
cereals nearer together.