Perth Amboy evening news., 1906-12-10
CRIDIRON CLUB
AT BANQUET.
President and Other Distinguish.
ed Men We're Guests Jokes
on Everything of Importance.

Spel1ng, tue Trip TO HanaH1d, auJuHt-
ment of affairs in Cuba, discharge of
the negro battalion, the recent cleo
tions, exploits of modern ~financiers and
most of the matters which have re-
Gently figured in the news of the day
made sport at the first winter dinner
of the Gridiron club.
The dinner was held in the New VIII
lard hotel, n captains of industry
mingled with President Roosevelt's
captains Of the administration. The
president was the principal guest, and
with him were Secretaries Shaw, Taft
and Hitchcock. Vice President Fair
banks had a seat beside the president.
and the Italian, British, Russian and
Japanese ambassadors had seats at the
presidents table. So did Speaker Can
non.
From New York came J. Pierpont
Morgan, Edward III. Hartman, Stuy-
vesant Fish, James Speyer, f. l.. I'm
derwood, Paul Morton, Frank A. Van
derlip, Timothy l.. Woodruff, Oscar S.
Straus and Perry Belmont. The army
was represented by Lieutenant Gener-
al H. G. Corbin Tetired) and Major
General George L. Gillespie (retired).
President Roosevelt is a democratic
guest at any social function, but it is
at Gridiron club affairs that he most
relaxes and gives laughter its full
Gridiron club humor takes liberties
with high and low, the president not
excepted, but it is always understood
that he shall have an opportunity to
reply. sf A9
With the menu card was u diction-
airy, which abounded in truths as well
as simplified spelling. Each page con-
tanned one or two wise saws and IL
Illuminating maxims. Here are a few:
"a word to the wise depends on how
it's spelt."
"You never miss the water when the
stock goes high"
There's many a slip twixt congress
and the supreme court" This was
printed Immediately above Senator
Beveridge's picture.
Zine feather busters make fine gov
ernors."
Even a feather buster will turn"
Tho big stick never strikes twice
in the same place; it doesn't have to-"
Many are sold, but few admit it,"
Its a wise candidate who goes to
Mexico"
Where there's a will there's an in
heritance tax
HE laughs best who spends only
$61S."
"a little lemon is a dangerous thing"
There were songs addressed to
Messrs. Roosevelt, Tillman and Taft,
and the big secretary of war had an
exciting introduction for his speech.
This was in the form of an act entitled
Cuba" which gave the Gridiron
clubs idea of how the secretary of war
had settled the trouble in the island.
A club member made up to repre-
sent Mr.. Taft suddenly entered, max
ing much noise and carrying what
seemed to be a redhot stove.
well Mr.. Taft" inquired the pre-
siding officer. what are you going to
do with that junk you are carrying
aroundY'
This is the Cuban situation" re-
marked Taft, dropping the stove as he
rubbed his burned hands, land 1 am
going to leave it on the front steps of
the White House."
UNLESS all the battIeships are out Of
commission the chances are that you
won't find anybody at home" said the
presiding officer.
"Well5its said Taft. 1--WE got to go
back to- more peaceful things. such az
suspending orders about negro troops,
so I'll leaNe it here a,cdis
A club member made VI to repre-
sent Judge Magoon was forced to sit
on the stove while a band of Cuban
insurgents danced around, waving ma
chetes. 1T was proposed that the club
ignore the Cubans and fill the offices
themselves.g6t 1t was announced there
was a meeting Of the Lame Ducks OF
the last election on the floor below TO
form a Down and Out club. They
were brought in to make officials for
Cuba.
N1llluI1 IL. lC0iot noF
for governor and rushed in as his
name was called.
mir. Hearst" said a member of the
club. 1--WE intend to make you governor
of Cuba inasmuch as you cannot be
governor OF anything else. and your
noble efforts to relieve the financial
stringency among the voters of New
York deserves recognition
'But l don't want to be governor"
expostulated Mr.. Hearst. I'll
run for any office again except the
presidency-and I've got the price"
Mr.. Hearst waved a large wad OF
g~reenbacks, which was instantly taken
from him by one of the Cubans.
"What do l get for this money!" de-
manded the late Democratic candidate
for governor of New York.
"Pardon, senor," exclaimed another
Of the Cubans as he handed Mr..
Hearst a lemon. 4
''What. another rnon!" groaned Mr..
Hearst and prom J tainted.