davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Lehi banner. [volume] (Lehi, Utah) 1891-1917, 1906-03-15
Pleased With
Welcome.

Several letters have been re-
ceived by the secretary OF the
Commercial Club from members
OF the Merchants and Manufac-
turers' Association of Utah ex-
pressing appreciation for the kind
treatment received when the en-
cursion visited Lehi last week.
Lehi's arrangements we're not
elaborate but systematic. The
people who met, matched and
assembled with the visitors were
the adult representative people Of
the town. They expressed no
more pleasure and satisfaction
than they felt in welcoming such
guests.
Lehi's desire now is that the
acquaintance formed with the M.
q M. A. of Utah may continue
through laborlng together in be-
half of our city and our state.
The Lehi banner. [volume] (Lehi, Utah) 1891-1917, 1906-03-15
SIX MILLIONS
DOLLARS SPENT
Bythe

UNION PACIFIC RAILROAD co.
IN improving what was originally the
finest track in the west
RESULT
A comparatively straight and level roai-
bed ballasted with dustless Sherman
Granite rendering possible the highest
rate OF speed together with the greatest
degree OF safety The magnitude of the
work must be seen to be appreciated
WHAT DOES 1T MEAN2
Solid comfort, security and pleasure to
our patrons.
ARE YOU GOING EAST.
II so you cannot afforl to go via any
other than this ROYAL HIGHWAY
Further Information On application per-
sonally or by letter TO
City Ticket Office,
POI Main ST., salt Lake City.
The Lehi banner. [volume] (Lehi, Utah) 1891-1917, 1906-03-15

81 don't see why you keep propos-
ing 20 me-" says Miss Cayenne. 81
have never given you any reason 10
suspect that | would ever change my
mind"
That's just it," answered Willie
Washington, seriously. 81 know your
mind is made up. Therefor feel
perfectly safe in paying you the high
est tribute Of esteem which IL is
possible TO offer Washington Star.
The Lehi banner. [volume] (Lehi, Utah) 1891-1917, 1906-03-15
Rank.

-Jeck--I was up at Dayton's house
last night. He's got a great collec-
tion of pipes, including a rare old
water pipe. Ever see it7
Dick-Yes. and 1t isn't water
pipe.
Jack-No7
Dick--No; I've smoked Il; It's a
sewer pipe.-Philadelphis Press.
The Lehi banner. [volume] (Lehi, Utah) 1891-1917, 1906-03-15
His Gentle Hint.

"How much OF a salary do you
get?" asked the inquisitiye diner.
"oh, / don't get any salary" re-
piled the obsequious waiter. "The
gentlemen that dine here are such
perfect gentlemen that ! don't need
any regular salary or wages"
AS the diner reached down into his
pocket for a tip he was heard 20 NUT
ter something about curiosity always
being costly.-Chicago Post.
The Lehi banner. [volume] (Lehi, Utah) 1891-1917, 1906-03-15
He DID A He Was MD.

Fair one-Really. IL am extreme
ly sorry, but l cannot say yes--at
present.
Sutherland yet I dared 60 hope
you loved me.
Fair One--I do. Jack, do; but
yours makes the thirteenth offer I've
had and you know how superstitious
am. You must aske me again after
I've received another proposal
Ally sloper.
The Lehi banner. [volume] (Lehi, Utah) 1891-1917, 1906-03-15
kFine Advancement.

First Nurse Girl-Seems to me y'r
putin on a heap o. style drivin In
the park with moneygrammed
heritage, and goodman and foot
men, too. Does y'r missus lend ye
her private rig?"
Second Nurse Girl-She sends me
to take her pet dog out fer an airin',
But where's the dog2"
"Under tn seat."--N. Y. Weekly.
The Lehi banner. [volume] (Lehi, Utah) 1891-1917, 1906-03-15
win Get Hi. Deserts.

Naggus (literary editor, inspecting
manuscript)-Your story is good
enough so far as have got, Borus.
except that the hero lie rather fne
drawn. He's entirely too good for
this world.
Borus (struggling author) i know
n, Nsggus. kiln him off in the last
chapter. --Chicago Tribune.
The Lehi banner. [volume] (Lehi, Utah) 1891-1917, 1906-03-15
That Wa. All.

Tenderfoot-l understand there was
some difference between Cactus Cal
and Alkali Ike.
Buck Haas--They's consid'abl diff
f'rence. Calls dead an Ike's alive.
Tenderfoot--Yes,b but what was the
original difference between them that
led up TO the killing?
Buck Haas-Ike was quicker on the
trigger. that's all. = Philadelphia
Press.
The Lehi banner. [volume] (Lehi, Utah) 1891-1917, 1906-03-15

when ! married" he explained. 81
sort Of thought ! had annexed n wife,
you know"
And wasn't that the way Of it7"
well not exactly. a few years OF
married life has convinced me that I
am the annexed party. You know, IT
makes some difference in the govern.
ment as TO which does the annexing"
Chicago Post
The Lehi banner. [volume] (Lehi, Utah) 1891-1917, 1906-03-15

He-so Miss willing has gone TO Eu-
rope, has she7 thought she was GO
ing TO marry young smitherton.
she-She would have married him
but for one thing.
He--Aud that waE7
shs-He didn't ask hsr.--ChicAgo
The Lehi banner. [volume] (Lehi, Utah) 1891-1917, 1906-03-15

"Did you say that hair restorer is
good thing9" asked the Patron.
"Yes," answered the barber, with
some slight hesitation; "it's a good
thing. We sell several bottles
week.
"But how do you know it's a good
thing?"
because the profit on every bottle
Is rs cents."--Washington Star.
The Lehi banner. [volume] (Lehi, Utah) 1891-1917, 1906-03-15

"But two" protested the young man,
"can live as chcaply as one"
The old man looked at him pityingly.
Before young man marries," he
said. "he ought to have a little expe.
rience"
I'm what way?"
He ought to bring up a family OF
girls, and then he would gain an APP
proximate idea of how each individual
woman adds to ones expense account"
Chicago Post.
The Lehi banner. [volume] (Lehi, Utah) 1891-1917, 1906-03-15
Want a Lat.

Florist-People expect so much
OF as. When they buy plant
most OF 'em want US to throw in
the pot.
Friend-Yes?
And all of 'em expect us to
throw in the earth."-Chicago
Sun.
The Lehi banner. [volume] (Lehi, Utah) 1891-1917, 1906-03-15
Greatly ov.re.,,w.,ea.

Hewitt Half the world doesn't
know how the other half lives.
Jewett-I think you overestimate
the number Of people who mind their
own business. Brooklyn Life.
The Lehi banner. [volume] (Lehi, Utah) 1891-1917, 1906-03-15
Alun,. Meln A,trnhea.

N. Peck-I'll bet a dollar that the
Coagulated Pullets' association, to
which my wife belongs. is the best
attended organization on earth.
Cumso Why?
n Peck Wen, you see it Il composed
Of a lot Of women who have II in for
each other. and the one who stays
away is always roasted throughout the
entire afternoon.L Los Angeles Her
aid.
The Lehi banner. [volume] (Lehi, Utah) 1891-1917, 1906-03-15
Too Difficult.

Men who are puzzled about the
problem OF the hereafter might
and the solution in attending well
TO the here.
The Lehi banner. [volume] (Lehi, Utah) 1891-1917, 1906-03-15

Bridget-An' phwy do yez be LAWN
tn cover off tn brine barrel?
Patrick-aist, darlint. Tn dochtur
do be sayin' you made salt air.-N. y.
Weekly.
The Lehi banner. [volume] (Lehi, Utah) 1891-1917, 1906-03-15
Overriding It.

Don't be too ostentatiouslypen.
itent; people find II hard to sym.
pathiEe with a bore.-Puck.
The Lehi banner. [volume] (Lehi, Utah) 1891-1917, 1906-03-15

Mother (ultra English) Yes, Rob
ert, "the king can do no wrong!"
Bobbie -Shucksl Then there can't
be much fun beln' king,-Puck.
The Lehi banner. [volume] (Lehi, Utah) 1891-1917, 1906-03-15

The girl he used 10 go TO court
He lifted like a brute
Once more, alas, he's gone TO COURT
A breach Of promise suit.
philadelphia Press ~
The Lehi banner. [volume] (Lehi, Utah) 1891-1917, 1906-03-15
Deb's TRADE.

The mad TRADE of words re-
Gently uttered by Eugene V. Debs
has created no end of disgust In
The Lehi banner. [volume] (Lehi, Utah) 1891-1917, 1906-03-15

Lives OF great men Oft remind us
We can make our lives sublime
or It's true that time Is money! \
II we only have the time. y.
baltimore News ~ y
The Topeka state journal., 1906-06-22
Very Red Tape.

A few months ago the president ap-
pointed a committee to make a thor
ough investigation Of the business
methods of each of the several depart
rnents at Washington. with view to
Kidding them of some of the red tape
ways of doing things
Secretary Bonaparte, on being inter
viewed by this committee, told the fol-
lowing story, which beautifully illus
trates the free use of red tape in the
government service:
zone Of the naval officers on a GER
tain ship desired to change a thermom-
eter from one side of the vessel to the
other, assigning very good reasons for
doing so. This could not be done, ac-
cord1ng to naval regulations, however
until he had carried the matter to the
ships commander, and through him
to me readily consented TO the pro-
posed change. which cost just fifty
three cents-fifty for the postage and
stationery and three for the nail and
the wear and tear on the hammer. -
Harper,s Weekly.
The Topeka state journal., 1906-06-22
"THE CAPITAL on CURTIS

The recent somewhat labored effort
of the state Journals morning con-
temporary to show how the First dis
trict congressman is lighting the rail-
roads" brings out q few remarks from
the Emporia Gazette The Gazette
only few days ago highly. commended
the True and Brave manner in which
the said m. c. was not supporting Mr..
Curtis 1.-THE Gazette-stating that
the m. C. had discovered that Mr.. Cur
It's is tied up with the railroads. Now
the Gazette says:
How easy it is to tell lip service.
The Capitals defense of Curtis printed
this morning, is so clearly perfunctory.
so Enthusiastically from the teeth out.
that it fails to carry conviction, and
needs no answer. To anyone who
thinks enough to be moved by the con-
sideration that Curtis is the railroads
senatorial candidate, the best reply to
the Capitals article is its perusal The
Capital knows and we all know that
the railroads have only one candidate
in this fight, and that candidate is Hon
Charles Curtis. The word Hon. is used
as advisedly here as Hoch used it re-
ferring to Hon. J. r. Burton Both
are Hons. of purest ray serene. And
the Capitals three columns spent to
square itself with the Curtis outfit in
Topeka, will only pull the scab off the
brand and make it bleed more pro-
fusely. The railroad brand Is on the.
Hon. Curtis and picking the scab won't
help The Capital should take a fools
advice and let that alone.
I'm this connection, one can not help
recalling the fact that the Capital very
properly opposed the nomination of
Fitzgerald for lieutenant governor, as
signing as its chief reason the fact that
all the railroad attorneys Of Kansas
were lined up for him. Now the Capt.
tai excuses Curtis. for whom the rail-
road attorneys are united. on the
ground that he is a good fellow. AS
the Capital very pertinently and truth
fully said of Fitzgerald, whenever the
railroad attorneys are for man, they
are for him because they can use him.
Railroad attorneys are in politics for
their roads and not for themselves, and
when an attorney lines up for so i'm
portant an officer as q United States
senator-the most important III the
gift of the people of Kansas@they line
up because their man has sold himself
out to the railrads The unanirnity in
( the case of Curtis can not be trifed
away. This is not a year when the
good fellow story goes. Vital interests
are at stake, and the railroads are
holding their attorneys to the political
/ buzz-saw. They are for Curtis because
t Curtis has made his peace with them
And the Capital should govern itself
| accordingly
The Topeka state journal., 1906-06-22
GLOBE SIGHTS.

From the Atchison Globa1
Rust gathers on almost everything sx-
cepting Imaginary dam ageE.
When some clerks walk fast, it is
sign their employer Is IN the store
A newly married man begins to take
notice" again almost as soon as 8 wild
The season has arrived when people will
have the cantaloupe worry; worry over
good ones
Most people feel able to run newspa-
per, but lew Of them claim ability 70 write
a good letter.
When woman has a pretty flower gar
den her nsighbors are liable to say. She
is mighty stingy with her flowers
We heard OF a mighty good husband to-
day, but viii not particularize for fear
some women win think all husbands are
not good.
When the children of a man past 30
urge him to have his picture taken, It IN
have when he Has Gone.
When Daughter paints a marine view
II u Is SO reailstlc 10 Mother that Mother
feels the salt spray dash1ng in her face
when she looks at it.
Wearing green and yellow at the same
time is not in any worse taste than for q
tall woman to take the arm Of her little
bit Of husband in public.
It must have been lots easier for the
81 Gl5aTen OF 5oRg ago 10 nave been prighs
cred, and other countries we're explored.
OF course you have often remarked that
w1ile YOU are compelled to work Is hours
get along all right.
So many women have had oneraf5ons
performed that no one
ton of late by mentioning it. therefore
Mrs. Lysander JOnn aps4s.-4.
blaze out a new path to fame. She re..a4-s
that when she was operated upon for ap-
pendicitiss she didn't recover as we'll as
expected, and the wound was reopened
when it was discovered that the doctor
had left four sponges, two knives, three
pair of scissors. a paper Of needles and
a spool of thread in the wound. Should
any other woman present have had a
similar experience, Mrs Appleton throws
IN thermometer, a bale of cotton etc
and soon has the other woman souelched.
The Topeka state journal., 1906-06-22
QUAKER REFLECTToNs.

From the Philadelphia Record.
Empty things rattle most, especially
heads.
The taxiderTnist is not the only man who
indulges in q skin game
When dog growls over his food he may
be merely initiating his master
It seems strange that the wolf should
come to the door when the larder -
empty
Just because a girl wears a bathing suit
doesn't necessarily indicate that she is IN
the swim
Lend a man money and he generally
so grateful that he VIII come around and
borrow more.
If Sherman thought war was hell. what
could he have thought Of the poems writ
ten about TT
Nell-''W hat make you think Maud en-
gagement Is to be kept secret r. Belle
She told me SO herself"
Blobbs- Hello! Slobbs. How are your
sloDbs-'l can't complain Blobbs-
Your wife tells another story
One OF the toughest things in the world
is TO have to pay last winters coal bill
with the thermometer up in the Cos.
The acme OF humor. Judging from It's fre-
quent use in the comic papers, seems to
be a picture Of two tranps riding on top
of freight car.
Silhcus-'sNo punishment Is too bad for
g fellow who becomes engaged to two
girls at once. Cynicue-@No, he ought
to be made to marry them both
The Topeka state journal., 1906-06-22
HVMOR or TIE DAY

visitor-The girl In the. next flat Is
rather an Indifferent performer on tbs
D.f.sni DenizenITndifreren i1 she's positively
ca1lous.-Puck
Cholly-Pushing sort of feliah, that
He has been twying to cultivate my socie-
Miss Knox-How thoughtful Of himl A
little cultivation wouldn't hurt you q Bit
Philadelphia Ledger.
constituent-poc. there wasn't one IN
a dozen of those garden seeds you sent
me that ever came up.
7 GU didn't plant them, did you7-Chicago
Tribune.
May Pechis-Jaek Cooley called upon
Mr.. Chellus-Huh! how did you survive
it? I suppose he talked about something
idlOtic all the time
May Pechis-Well. yes he spoke about
YOU quite great philadelphia
Satan doesn't bother to go after de mar
wifour workiras,' said Uncle Ebefa. ''T4a
jes' leaves de latch string ont an waits
foh him to come In OF bis own accord -
Washington Star
Kind Lady-Do you mean to tell me that
reading Shakespeare brought you to pris-
on2 What works did you read7
no. l1-''Ron1eo and Juliet, mum
No. 4i1-Why, it learned me to be q
porch climber mum.-Puck.
DO you think 1t would be well for a
young man who Is ambitious to rise in
politics to study law7" asked the earnest
youth.
No answered Senator Sorghum. IF
were young man and wanted to get
lofty official position, X learn to be a
stenosra pher. we shington Leader.
Nfistress-You wish me to take your no
tice. Jane. This is very sudden, isn't il
Jane (blushing)-Oh. no, mum; I've
known i'm three daysi-Punch.
The Topeka state journal., 1906-06-22
JANA WKER JOTS

Burton, a town Of 500 people. is anxi-
Gus for a hotel.
Good word from the ottawa Herald:
Topeka is getting to the front again
as a clean, safe town Yesterday
Young woman was fined SIS for grab
bing an innocent and shrinking man
on the main street and kissing him
five times, in spite of his struggles. This
is splendid. A town which looks after
the virtue and safety of it's unprotected
men will be heard from in the future.
Cat story from the Atchison Globe:
An old bachelor cat makes his home
with Mr.. and Mrs. Andy White, in
Prairie View. He has lived a selfish
life and no other cat has ever shared
anything he had until lately when
some one gave three little kittens to
the White family and the old bachelor
cat has "mothered" them ever since
they came. He washes them with his
tongue, the way cats do; catches mice
for them; slaps them, when they are
naughty, and watches over them as
carefully as an old mother cat would.
"Reminiscences by Bent Murdock: Bill
Allen White says John Shipley Wat
son owns the finest auto in Emporia.
Along about the 10th of October, 1851,
after being sworn in at Fort Leaven-
worth for three years, OF during the
war, If not sooner discharged. a
squad Of Emporia boys moved out on
the blue grass, ate their bacon and
ground, under the sky. preparatory to
the sounding of taps. John Shipley
Watson belonged to the squad; so did
we. Somehow we got our blankets to-
gether and for three years thereafter,
three eventful years in our lives, as
well as in that of the nation. we were
''bunkies." We lived together in Kan
sas, Missouri. Nebraska, Wyoming,
Colorado, Indian Territory and Arkan-
saw and in all those years we never
Quarreled. John ShipIey didn't smoke,
chew drink, swear, nor lie and was in
every way q bully old bunzy. In sick
ness and health, storm and sunshine,
feast or famine, war or peace, we were
practically always together, and when
the war was over, and 81 company,
Ninth Kansas cavalry was discharged
we both returned to Emporia where
we continued to live in peace and hap
pineEs, making love to the E,nporia
girls, while trying to make up in
money getting way, for the three years
we had lost in the army. John Ship
ley Watson has been mayor Of his town
IS an honored citizen. Is well off and
when we go to Emporia we will ex-
pect him to take US for spin around
the streets in his biggest auto in the
town"
The Topeka state journal., 1906-06-22
ne REFlRarar1Rv 80


There are. of course. two sides to the
story about the trouble at the Hutchin-
son Reformatory, ana both sides are
entitled to be heard But after all.
one is the right side ana the other the
wrong side.
For some time there have been ru-
mors that the reformatory is not con-
Quoted as a real reformatory agent. as
it is intended to be. but moro as a
strictly penal institution. and that ap-
pears to be at the bottom Of the entire
trouble. # published reports are true,
superintendent Marshall appears to
have wrong conception of the purpose
Of the institution which he is supposed
to supervise. 1t IS perhaps conducted
in an economical and fairly orderly
manner, and probably the discipline lis
good, but it appears that the inmates
are regarded as hardened criminals sent
there purely for punishment
It is commonly supposed that the re-
forrnatory is a place where boys and
young men who have just started on a
criminal life may be sent for the pur-
pose, not so much of punishment, but
OF reformation. OF course the very
fact Of confinement in such an institu-
ton is of itself a severe punishment
to boy, but that is supposed to be in
cidental to reforming him.
In order to reform boys of this class
there must not only be discipline. but
there must be the right sort of in
fiuences thrown about then-inHuence
that instiI self-respect and manhood.
right purposes, and sense of truth and
honor. The officers and employees of
the institution must themselves COM
n1and the respect of the inmates.
Unless q real effort is made to re-
form the boys sent there, the reforma-
tory might as we'll be abolished and
the inmates sent to the penitentiary
direct or kept in county jaiIs What
is the use Of maintaining an expensive
institution like the reformatory if
every possible effort is not put forth in
It to reform the boys sent there?
There have been rumors that the
superintendent is not in sympathy with
the work OF Chaplain Gates and that
he hampers rather than helps it. Re
ports from Hutchinson state that the
chaplain is well fitted for his work and
is capable of doing much towards the
reformation of the boys who come un-
der his influence. In an institution of
this character the right sort of a chap
-~eAiA - Oil --Afet4 NeAD4 OAl4CcAs dS ne lS
the one who can do most towards ac-
complishing the real object of the in
stitution.
Whatever may have been the diff
ferenees between superintendent Mar
shall and Mr.. Peck, whom he has re-
Gently dismissed as assistant superin-
tendent Governor Hoch should care
fully investigate the conduct OF the in
stitution. superintendent Marshall
may be making a good record from
his point of view, but If he has the
wrong viewpoint, if his policy of con
Quoting the reformatory is wrong and
does not attain the results for which
the institution is designed, it would be
well to. secure a superintendent with
the right conception of the matter.
The Topeka state journal., 1906-06-22

handle only the machines Of the trust
and at the prices fixed by the trust.
These exclusive contracts were kept
in force only atty days after the Arr
kansas law Went into erect. but the
attorney general Of that state got busy.
with the result that the trust pleads
guilty and pays a fne Of $4,000 to the
state.
This incident recalls that the Iegisla-
ture of 1903 in Kansas appointed a COM
mittee to investigate the International
Harvester company and especially its
exclusive contracts, which It COM
PEELED the implement dealers of this
state to sign. A bill was also framed
directed against the harvester trust and
its exclusive contracts"
Kansas has as strict an antitrust
law as there is on the statute books Of
any state. and it was contended that
the harvester trust was violating this
law. But after several weeks the in
vestigating committee Whitewashed
the trust, reporting that it was inno-
cent of any wrong-doing, and the pro-
posed legislation against the trust was
killed.
Since then In q suit filed in Chicago
it was alleged that a firm OF Topeka
to defeat legislation directed against
the harvester trust. in the Kansas leg
islature Of 1903. The head of the firm
admitted receiving "a generous fee from
the harvester company for representing
it in the legislative investigation, but
did not state the sum.
It appears. however, that when the
attorney general of such a benighted
state as Arkansas got after the har-
vester trust, It was glad to plead
guilty and get off with fine OF s2O,-
coo. although it violated the law there
less than two months. while in Kansas
the practice went on for a long time.
It is further announced that the at
torney general of benighted Arkansaw
will lose no time IN starting prosecu-
tions against the beef trust, and he
believes he can also bring the packers
to time with fines.
The State Journal probably runs the
risk Of being accused of malice and
libel. but it is going to run the risk
once more of inquiring why the powers
that be in Kansas do not do something
towards enforcing the antitrust law of
this state.
The Topeka state journal., 1906-06-22
TIE HARVESTER TRI-sr-

The story that comes from Chicago
that the International Harvester com
pany has cheerfully consented to plead
guilty to violating the antitrust law
IN Arkansas and win pay a fine Of
so, 900, is OF special interest to the peo-
pie Of Kansas. The cause Of the action
Of Arkansas was the exclusive CON
tract clause that the harvester trust
made implement dealers sign before it
allowed them to handle its machinery.
Implement dealers were compelled to