Perth Amboy evening news., 1906-12-31
A Meteorological Paradox


your life. They weren't four men OF
four women nor two men and two wo-
men, but three men and Il woman,
Each Of the three men was funnier
thar the other two, and tie woman
was funnler than the three men to-
gether. You should have seen her.
One eye was turned up at an angie OF
twenty-five degrees, the other down at
an angle of thirty. Shecouldl look serious
and sympathetic gu Of the one csc
and Historically diabolical out of the
other. She had 4 ravenish croak and u
sweet melody in her voice, 50 that no
one could tell whether she meant to lie
pleasant or disagreeable. Sometimes
she would say pleasant things to you
looking at you with her sympathetic
eve and sometimes say diabolical things
looking at you with her sympathetic
eye. So nobody ever knew what she
was driving at.
The first of the three men was Mr..
Bantam, husband of the above describ-
ed lady. Everybody said the name
was very appropriate, for Mr.. Bantam's
face wore the perpetual grin of a ban
tam rooster. Next came Mr.. Guyer, n
theoretical mathematical prodigy. Like
Sir Isaac Newton, who made a large
and n small hole in his door for his
big and little cat to come through,
Guyer didn't stoop to consider petty
c~ontrivances. He once had an alarm
clock which failed to wake him up in
the morning. Somebody finally called
his attention to the fact that it hadn't
any bell. The third man was Mr.. Mer-
~ryweather, a real noble, good man."
as one of his women friends express
ed it. Indeed, he was so good and no
BILE that he couldn't conceive of any
one being wicked. And thereby hangs
this tale.
One Sunday morning Merryweather
and Guyer went to see Mr.. and Mrs.
Bantam, who were at church. The two
men sat on the veranda waiting till
the services should be over n the
couple, recharged, like an electric auto
mobile, with goodness, should return.
The weather vas betwixt and be-
tween, and when Merryweather said
it was warm Guyer, who was a great
disputant, declared it was cold. Pres
entity Mr.. and Mrs. Bantam returned.
Mrs. Bantam welcoming Guyer with
her sympathetic eye and Merryweath-
err with her diabolic eye, then passing
into the house. The dispute about the
weather was referred to Bantam. who
concluded to refer it to the thermome-
ter. which he brought from the house.
He showed it to Merfyweather, who
was surprised to see Il record of 90 de-
grees. He was much pleased to be vim
Dictated, but hadn't expected so trium-
plant a vindication.
Then Mrs. Bantam came out and, re-
garding her husband and Guyer with
her sympathetic eye and the good Mr..
Merryweather. with her diabolic eye.
made some modest remarks on the
weather herself, in which she main
tanned that it was growing colder.
After having established her point, at
least with Bantam and Guyer-Mrs.
Bantam always established her point;
people were afraid that il they dis
agreed with her she would bring her
diabollc eye on thenl-she went back
into the house with the thermometer.
Presently Bantam went inside to get
the thermometer again, and when he
brought it out it had fallen 20 degrees.
Merryweather couldn't understand how
so decided a change should have oc-
Cured in so short a time without his
feeling it. Guyer suggested that there
was something the matter with him.
Mcrryweather was frightened. He
thought he had better go home.
Mrs. Bantam came out again, bring
ing the thermometer with her and sug-
costing that something must be the
matter with it. 1t had gone up again.
This treasured Merryweather, who was
Of too sweet a disposition to speak his
thoughts, which were hat Mrs. Ban
tam had probably read the scale first
with here lower, then with her upper
eye. But as there were 40 degrees be-
tween the two eyes this didn't explain
the smaller difference. However, lie
decided to wait awhile before conclud-
ing that he had chills and fever. The
consequences might have been averted
had not Bantam handed round n slim
ulant. A few minutes after Merry
weather had drained his glass Mrs.
Bantam came out with the thermome-
ter again standing at 60 degrees. Then
Merryweather was sure he had the
fever of pneumonia. A sympathetic
curve appeared on the left hand corner
of Mrs. Bantam's mouth as she re-
marked that it came on that way.
Merryweather was helped into the
house and placed on a lounge. Occa-
s~ionally he would resume a normal
bodily temperature, but whenever he
did so one of his three friends would
show him a thermometer antipodal to
his condition. If the mercury stood
low when he was hot he thought he
was in fever. If it stood high when he
was cool he assumed that he had a
In this way his loving friends
kept working on his Imagination and
through his Imagination on his body
till he got up and went home to die.