The Lexington dispatch. [volume] (Lexington, South Carolina) 1870-1917, 1906-12-05
"cAN YOU HAND DMlTHlDALANcE, pLEAsE7'

when only two years old, and you can
believe that I have feeling for them.
Yes, my father and mother were gored
to death by sbuil when I was hardly
more than an infant"
'sHow sadw sighed the lady as she
took the seat motioned her.
"Blt life is full Of just such sad
cases, madam. We have the poor
orphans with us, and they must be
cared for. How many are there in the
asylum you representa-"
'sover 200, and We have to turn
away many applicants
"Well, we must attend to that. Your
calling here this morning is what may
be termed curious coincidence. a:-1
Major Crofoot, grand promoter Of VAIL.
Gus enterprises, and what naay be
called humanitarian originator. Not
an hour agosI received q charter for the
Incorporation Of the Great American
Orphan Consoler company, and this
afternoon I am to visit two orphan
asvlums to explain the workings of the
invention. It is strange that you
should have come in on orphan asylum
business as you did,
'tAnd have you got something for the
orphans?" she asked.
THE greatest, grandest, newest thing
out, madam. Patented in America and
all foreign countries. We begin the
manufacture next week. President
Roosevelt takes the first three ma
chimes. Then comes the new president
Of France, and he is followed by the
emperor Of Russia and the king Of Eng
land. I, as the inventor of the machine
and the president of the company, am
feeling rather buoyant. Have you a
head for machinery, madam"
81 am afraid not, and yet hope you
will try to make me understand"
"Only too happy to do so. Let me
start out by saying that orphan chill
dren get hungry as we'll as the other
class"
Certainly"
'They also have colic.'
Eyes"
''They also need to be spanked occa-
sionally. am not an advocate Of the
bootjack and ,hairbrush, but as On or
phan child myself I remember that
there were days when I actually long
ed to be spanked and wouldn't be good
till got it. Among the 200 children
in your asylum there must be many
such"
Perhaps replied the lady in a
doubtful way.
at takes nurse at least ten min
utes to feed an orphan kid" continued
the major as he walked back and
forth. "Three feeds day means thir.
ty minutes for each child. You must
have nurse for every, twenty chill
dren. You have ten at least in your
asylum. II these could be dispensed
with, look at the saving"
"But how can they be dispensed
with?' was asked ''The children must
be washed, dressed. bathed and fed
and human hands must do it. They
"OSL dlSO UN SAtlClOCu " " uCA oAi3AS.
Twenty years ago ali dishes were
washed by hands Then a genius in
vented machine that does the work
of fifteen women. I am genius.
have invented something that knocks
| the dishwasher silly"
'And you propose to take care OF
children by machinery" gasped the
lady.
"You have struck it. madam. It can
be done, as have successfully demon
strated. My invention is 4 system OF
pipes, tubes. spankers and levers, all
worked by the same dynamo. We will
say it is morning. The children must
be washed. Very we'll. By turning q
switch each and every one of them is
dumped into trough and washed and
bathcd Turn another switch and they