Los Angeles herald., 1906-02-03
AMATEUR NIGHT
ATTRACTSFREAKS
MIXED AUDIENCE PLEADS FOR
MERCY
Lucille, Pug and Freak VloIinist, Bring
Forth a Storm Of Protest
From the Motley AS
semblage

|
She was billed on the program for
amateur night in South Main street
| palace OF amusement last evening as
Dainty Lucille, the celebrated singer.
As she tiptoed onto the stage n gentle
trcmor transmitted itself to the main
part OF the house and the whole struc-
turc swayed under her footballs.
She was all in white. even the stock
| ings displayed by an interesting short
ness of skirts were white. or were
meant TO be. a moment she ST God while
| the orchestra made queer noises. then
the strains of II Wants a Man Like
Romeo" we're let loose.
Dainty Lucille advanced to the center
of the tiny stage and began the ballad
OF negro love The noises which one
might have expected would issue from
such a rotund parsonage did not de-
| Vclop. The tones of the music which
! she sang wore not fun and rich as
her shape would Indicate but were
raucous and shrill.
The nerve of the lady quite stupefled
tho audience which had gathered to sec
the Friday night collection of freaks
perform their grotesque antics.
Lucille Hides Away
As the chorus ended in which the fat
lady told Of her longings for a man like
Romeo tho audience, it's patience ex-
! hausted, rose as one man and told
Dainty Lucille its opinion of her.
Back to the laundry for you, Lu-
| cile," shouted ore
You to the beanery; you are n good
hasher, Lucille, but as a singlst you
run very SLOW" said another.
The fat lady went away.
The fog-horn voiced announcer then
brought forward a large. loosely con-
nected youth whom the signal said was
Ringling, a buck and wing dancer
Ringing succeeded in very soon rails
| ing vast cloud of dust and in making
a loud noise with his shoes.
| The dust was so thick that 1t was
almost impossible to see what was hap
pening upon the stage, but sional
| glmpses could be had of Rngllng
stiff1y and laboriously working out
fearful and wonderful maneuvers with
| his feet.
If the dim glimpse Of Ringing is a
true criterion of the habits of that
youths life he should be careful or the
owner of some winery will steal him to
press out wine.
Pug Tries to Four Flush
The suspicion arises that Ringing
was a messenger boy with his Sunday
clothes on. If his mamma had known
what he was doing last evening 1t Is
probable that she would have smacked
| him.
Enter announcer dragging behind
him a boy dressed in q black sateen
shirt, corduroy trousers with three
pairs of pants guards securing them
at the bottom. This boys name was
Pug, and he was to sing.
| The girl at the piano looked up at
Pug, and after he had heard her play
the opening bars a few times he said
Let her CO." just like real, cheap
vaudevillians do, but as Pug was only
a rhinesto half carat actor he got off
bad and didn't hit the right key but
once in the first verse. and then he
bounced off with a heartrending fiat.
While he sang on wearily the tune of
Break the News to Mother" the pian-
ist grew weary of Pug, and to distract
him played several tunes, none of
which seemed to fit with "Just Break
the News to Mother"
Pug apparently was not accustomed
to breaking the news to his mamma that
way. A suspicion that he usually did
| it by selling her a morning paper could
not be downed.
Freak Tortures Violin
One felt instinctively that Pug better
knew the dulcet strains of "Wuxtra
Rekid yeah" than he did of the con-
ventional method of vocalizing. The
crowd felt that way, too, and made i'm
polite comments on Pug, but Pug did
not care, and through the hullabaloo
raised by the piano and the shouts of
| the audience he still made his little
noise until the verse was finished, then
he went away and sold the rest Of his
| last editions.
The next victim Of an overweening
ambition was violinist named Prof
| Brundage. He was announced as q
freak violinist, and the foghorn had 1t
right for once.
The particular bug of the professor
seemed to be an idea that he could play
the fiddle. He played that old favorite
Pop Goes the Weasel eighteen diff
ferent times in eighteen different posi-
tions, and every one of the eighteen
times was worse than the one which
Immediately preceded it.
Gets Aboard Wrong Boat
Prof. Brundage might have made a
decided hit picking celery in the bogs
in Orange county or slicing the tops
| from the heads of succulent sugar
beets. but as volinist he ran a very
bad race. AS a shoeshiner he would
probably be a success because Of his
unwearying arm motion, but as a
musician, no, never. Pop Goes the
Weasel" was followed by an encore
which was said to be an imitation of a
church organ.
Maybe it was. there is no telling in
these days what anything is, but any
boy with a jewsharp has the professor
distanced when it comes to music. His
persistence won applause, his pertinac-
ity admiration, but his utter lack OF
ability won the loudly expressed depre-
| cation of the audience.
The professor had merely chosen the
wrong career.
A little boy who looked to be about
10 years old sang In a childish treble
| He chose the MAN i'm the OVeralls" for
| his selection and out of the mass OF
| worse than raw material he was the
only one allowed to finish his stunt
without critical comment from the
audience. The praiseworthy although
somewhat hackneyed sentiments of the
song earned genuine applause for tho
little chan and he smiled at the aud,