The sun. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1833-1916, 1906-11-06
RiGWEDDEGSP PASSING.
TROUBLE F0LLOES TEE SCAT
TERING OF INVITATIONS.
Friends OF tpe Family LIKELY 90 Resent inc
IndiscriBnmAte + Gatheriags Thst Are
Needed % Fnl the Chnrch Present
That Afe. Emparrassing.

W tNh1E
DdiscriEumAte \ Gathsrinxs mat Are
Needea 20 Fnl the Charch-Presents
That Afe Embarrassing.
Fashionable New York weddings will
not be- 10 large this winter, This state
ment comes from women of high social
place who have daughters soon to marry.
The reason for cutting down the list OF
quests Il tho discovery that big weddings
are the causes OF much heartburning and
II feeling. =
1T rs hixb time something was done.'
saws one authority. For the last three or
four years fashionable weddings have
been changing for the worse. Not one
Of late but has been q .promoter>of social
embarrassnnents and often OF actual Ill viii,
and to my mind the trouble 10 this: En-
tirely too many invitations are sent out.
\ Primarily the young people are responsible
for this. One young relative OF mine who
married about three years 9 and had q
church wedding was nervous for fear there
would not DO q crowd present. that only
the seats along the middle aisle o DO
, nned, and TO guard against such q con-
tingcncy she inplored her mother to send
q card of invitation to every person abe
knew even slightly, making the same de-
mand Of her fance.
But objected her mother: Il am not
willing to ask all those persons TO the re-
ception afterward. We have never ex-
changed calls. They are not on my Wait
ing list at ALL s.- s
4Put the daughter had her way. She
wanted a church Overlooking with sight
seers and she had it. And What was the
result? Is.
MANY of the guests who were Oh friendly
but not intimate terms with the hostessi
finding themselves In the same category
with many dozens whom they Knew per-
fectly we'll had no more than q bowling
acquaintance with either the brides or
bridsgroom's family, were seriously Of
Tended. r.. '--, r'-
Had only the two classes, intimates and
social acqnaintances, been present the
latter would have been perfectly satisfied
not to receive a card to the house. believ-
ing that the reception was to be limited
10 relatives and a few intimate friends,
which was really the case. But as 1t was
they were elassed Enthusiastically with the
goats and their ire was aroused, for why.
they asked, should all those outsiders
be asked as all2 IL the reception was to
be 30 exclusive why have the church SER
vice so inclusive, az one Of the. offenders
afterward put it in my hearing. s
sNow this is only one case In point, but it
In not far from describing most Of the large
weddings Of to-day at which friends OF The
young couple reach the church in good
time to find every choice seat occupied by
people they have never seen before. AS
most persons know. not more than one-haR
of the invitations 10 a wedding are or can be
responded toin person.
Especially 10 this true of the people one
most wants to have come. The outsiders
are likely to respond in larger proportions
than ones intimate friends, probably be-
cause they have fewer social engagements.
Therefore in order to get even 800 guests
at a church it is necessary to send out be-
tween 900 and 800 invitations and to get to-
gether 500 or 9O0-and it takes as many as
that to make anything approaching q crowd
nearly three times that number OF cards
must be issued.
Now it doesn't nesd any great intelli-
gence to see hat sixteen or eighteen hun
dred invitations cannot be sent out by a
woman of any degree of exclusiveness to
friends and valued a~cquaintances. such as a
generation ago would alone have been
present at a wedding in the best social
circles, or 10 comprehend that as an out
come Of such a generous scattering of invi-
tafions society is bound to rub shoulders
with many whom it neither knows nor cares
TO know. And all to fill a church.
1T was because OF his that the custom
originated Of giving the ushers a list OF the
names Of those persons for whom sea to
should be reserved in the middle aisle.
. custom which more than all others has
helped turn the modern church wedding
into anything but an occasion Of merriment
and, harmony. For with the best inten-
lions some names will be omitted from
that list which should not have been. The
women whose names cannot be discovered
on the ushers' list, finding themselves de-
barred from the favored section while others
who perhaps are on less terms OF intimacy
with the wedding party are piloted to the
best places. get highly offended in some
Instances.
Eat my daughters wedding 1 have re-
solved that there shall be no reserved seats
except for near relatives, and no one who
10 not on visiting terms with my family
and the bridsgroom's family will get . GARD
to the church. Counting that only one
third Of those invited will be present, for
january is a busy month socially, probably
not more than the body or the church, the
seats, i mean, On eltnor size OF gnc tOuB utttin
aisle, will be ailed-a circumstances the bride
to be 10 seriously objecting TO.
ITO obviats the Ook Of emptiness which
she a y is bound to result / mean to have
the wall peSs out on, screened from view.
With q row eof s~yergreets and palms. ,
-The unpleasant complications, growing
out of q promiscuous distribution of we'd
ding invitations are many
For ~instance?' the speaker was asked.
Il need give only one: that OF wedding
p-resents. Naturally The average bride 10
not ut all averse to getting presents. The
more tho better, som Q think; but then no
self-respecting girl cares to receive a hand
some present from some n almost un-
known to her or her mother
Some persons with social ambitions, and
neither the refinement nor graces to justify
such an ambition, have taken advantage OF
receiving an Invitation to the church to send
the bride a cdstly present. Allowing that
they were not actuated by an unworthy mo-
tive, that the gift was merely the outcome
a anignorance Of good form, conceive II you
X can the aW~kwArdness OF the situation for