davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Washington herald., 1906-12-02

CLEAN of venom in his bloodshot eyes
You know there's been war in these
Samboa Islands for years. All that time
the Yankee, English, and Dutch cruisers
lay IN harbOr waiting to fight. The Dutch
had more ships and more beer than the
others. I reckon 1000 empty bottles has
went over the side every day for the
last ten years, Including Sundays How
many does that maker"
A little rapid computation on the back
of an envelope in Mr.. Bloke's best vein
disclosed an astounding total of 1906. 900
empty beer bottles made IN Germany Mr..
Sides tried 10 whistle but his dIink-swoI-
len lips refused TO pucker.
THE devil" he said. one hand on the
gin bottle and blurred eyes focused on the
lightning calculator across the table.
What a lot Of bottles, and I'm up
against 'em-been UP against 'em for
years. Seven million and three hundred
thousand empties and they're still aeon
ing. We've got two Dutch cruisers in
harbor now"
The ropy voice of the diver grew thick
er, and he pulled a long sigh.
'Oh, well, they've got me, them bot
ties has. The harbor has shoaled a
fathonl and all on account Of bottles.
Bottom of the sea is paved with 'em, un-
I'll busted glass cuts the hoofs Of the sea
hosses. Don't I know? Don't | work
among the bottles, pulling sheet copper
of the poor old Vandalia's planks? I
know. Loose bottles ebb and flow with
the tide. AT night. when I want TO sleep
IN the wreckers' shanty ashore. the sail
ors chuck bottles into the iron ash chutes.
and hear EN- hit the sea. Keeps me
awake
Very sad" commented Mr. Bloke.
keenly alive to the perils which menaced
this deep-sea tolIer
Now you know what ails me-" said Mr..
Sides. with the air of d deeply Injured
diver. Bottles is my curse. They haunt
me by day. and at night l play even.
Shake you Around Cape Horn once more.
old sport"
BY this time Mr.. Sides had reached the
highly conviviaI stage He needed only
the bottle on the table. The gentle VIII
--N -SpN.ANA AZ ~ a "a at the OlG-SpDTl
idea. but he sat and weathered Cape
Horn, shaking dice with the sodden diver
for liquor the tourist already had paid
for. No matter which won. the diver
amassed both drinks.
He really has need Of a little stimulant
after diving all day in 1906, 0OO empty bot
tles,' was the thought with which the
tourist salved his conscience.
When the quart Of gin had been absorb
ed by the careful and painstaking Mr..
Sides, the botue-haunted diver OF Sam
boa ceased to worry. His mood vas one
Of unstudied repOse. Herr Bull summon
ed a perfectly nude, but reliable. native
gentleman, and had him steer the diver TO
the shanty on the beach Mr. Bloke re-
tired to his apartment. addicted to- new
and improving thoughts on the temper
ance question.
Midnight passed, and absolute silence
hung upon the little island village. Our
hero was dreaming Of an ocean much
larger than the Pacific, that had bottle
necks sticking out Of It. when the voice
and fist Of Mr.. Bdrnacle. chief mate of
the Luly Alice, at the door awakened
him.
Come and help me with old Sides" Bill
pleaded through the crack Of the door
He Is took bad in the shanty alone by
himself. The other wreckers is of drunk
The Washington herald., 1906-12-02
Rnncroft.r Ready Answer.

From the Letters Of Lord LyttoD.
I have just heard a good mott is
not more than a mot-of Bancroft, the
American historian. who is new United
States Minister at Berlin. LOTUS (our
ambassador there1 thought. I suppose
that the Yankee was a fair ard would
be an easy butt FOR the shafts If his
peculiarly refined wit, so attacks him
before a hundred listeners on some
public occasion with In Gods name.
Mr. Bancroft why don't YOU Yankees
send your representatives to court like
Christians in a proper uniform. IN
stead OF turning them out all dressed
in black, like so many undeFtakers?T
Whereto bancroft replies: Really.
Lord Augustus, I am surprised that
you. as Ambassador 10 the Queen Of
England. and with the keen powers Of
penetration for which you are gener-
ally distinguished, should have failed
to perceive that we could not be more
appropriately dressed than we are
at European courts where what we
represent is the burial OF monarchy"
The Washington herald., 1906-12-02
4 Week Later.

Sir, said the clever-looking man, en-
tering the Office Of the capitalist. Y
have here an invention that viii make
both Of US rich if you will furnish the
financial backing"
What is it?' asked the capitalist.
1T is an alarm clock that goes off at
the exact minute desired and keeps ring
ing until you are up
Pooh The world is full of such alarm
clocks
Just a moment. One week after a man
has bought this clock our agents can 60
to him and sell him the attachments I
have invented which viii mufie the alarm
bell perfectly. '-Cassens Journal
The Washington herald., 1906-12-02
In a Difficulty.

The young lady sighed deeply and vas
almost affected to tears.
Harold. she said. declares that If ]
don't marry him he will end his life And
I am afraid he viii"
She stified a sob. then continued.
And Randolph declares that If I don I
marry him he viii go into politics and
become great and famous, and then he
says ! shall see what I missed. And I am
afraid he will keep his word, too"
Overcome by emotion, she buried her
face in her hands, not knowing whether
TO save a life or to spare the country an
other politician.-CasselTs Journal.
The Washington herald., 1906-12-02

I'm THE early hours Of drowsy night
Mr. Willie Blo1e. tourist. sat dream
ing Of the past in his little room in
the Beach Hotel at Samboa. He
would have lurked on the cooler veran-
da. facing the Pacific, but the man-eating
bugs Of the tropics were doing business.
Being an economical youth. our hero
stuck to the barred sleeping room and
boarded his blood.
Outside the starlight shone soft and
white, and the wakefuI sea gurgled and
so5bed ike a slumbering fat man. Mr.
Bloke bozed. A cockroach, scouting on
top Of the gauze bed canopy. missed its
footing and crashed to the floor. The
noise aroused the tourist, and he listened,
half awake, TO the struggles of the roach
trying TO right itself on the boards.
More airI' walled a TOpy voice
Hot or coId?" Mr.. Bloke inquired,
sleepily. Must have knocked the wind
out of himself"
Again the voice trailed out in the dark
ness:
More air!'
Mr.. Bloke stiffened, and a dim terror
seized him
These island cockroaches are birds, all
right, all right" he muttered; but new
er knew they could talk He'll want q
drink or pipe Of tobacco pretty soon"
Stand by for more air, or I'll come up
and lick the whole gang!' the voice re
peated, in loud and angry tones.
"Oh, tutr' thought Willie, now wide
awake. Somebody on the porch. Sounds
Ike he was soused, too"
Throwing of the door chain, the tour
ist peered out An oil lamp, suspended
from the beams, lighted up the long ta-
bic and the vacant chairs. There was
nothing in sight. From under the table
came a scuh1ing sound. and again the
ropy voice rasped the night.
More airt' it said.
Slipping past the table and its fear
some inmate. Mr. Bloke ran across the
yard ana bursr into the hotel proper.
which stood well back from the sleeping
quarters on the beach.
Come with me-" he begged Herr Bull.
There's a stranded pirate under the
table on the porch.
Not so bad as that, I hope" said the
hotel man. Them pirates was all hung
years ago, already yet
Nevertheless, he 60 a lantern and set
out to capture the bold marauder Of the
deep. Stretched upon his back beneath
the table lay the massive form Of a man
clad in pajamas Of blue dungaree One
end of the shape was fitted with bare feet
of heroic size. The other end was like
wise bare-an immense bald head Of d
FURNISHED copper yellow. A huge pair Of
hoTn-Timmed speCtaCles Of Chinese make
filed the upper half of the face. From
behind the glasses the wide-open eyes
burned like the sidelights on cab. One
knotted hand clutched and jerked table
leg above his head, and the rOpy voice
walled
More air, and be DUN quick about it"'
''HO. its Mr.. Sides, the diver. Always
drunk and diving, he is" said the land
lord flashing his lantern in the face Of
the PROSTATE citizen. He thinks he's
signaling the air pumps"
Does he wear his diving suit al all
hours?' asked Mr. Bloke, gazing at the
Furnished copper head and enormous
spectacles, which looked not unlike the
windows in a divers helmet.
Nav" said the disgusted Herr Bull.
''He is what you call bughouse from the
gin and bitters, and thinks he's on the
The Washington herald., 1906-12-02

he faced away in the direction Of the
card game. muttering something about
pigs"
Just before daylight they found the
mortal shape OF MI. Horace Sides. still
arrayed in the blue dungaree and big
horn spectacles. He was lying on his
face. head 10 the sea, in sandy cove
drowned in three inches of slack tide
water. Legs and body rested high and
dry. The cruel home of the bottles that
haunted the diver in lie had crept along
the silent beach To end the work Of de
struction his own hand directed.
Horace started life proper, and finished
bad in the vesubuIe Of a blooming sub
marine brewery" said Mr.. Barnacle.
standing uncovered beside the body and
shaking his fist at the sea.
The Washington herald., 1906-12-02
Who Ruled the Home.

Mrs. B.-My husband did not ike that
tea you sent US last.
Grocer (poHtely)-Did you like it. mad
am?
Mrs B.-YeS, I liked H.
Grocer (to cIerk)-James, Send Mrs.
Blank another pound Of the same tea she
had last. Anything else, madam
Smiths Weekly.
The Washington herald., 1906-12-02
Where lie LPnrnPd Ii

Can you give me any evidence in re
gard TO the character of the deceased?''
said the judge
Yes, my lord. replied the witness. He
was a man without blame. beloved and
respected by all men; pure in all thoughts.
and"
Where did you learn that?"
Il copied ii from his tombstone. my
lord. Smiles.
The Washington herald., 1906-12-02
The Bond Mother,s Wish.

Now I want you to photograph my lit
tie girl kissing her rejection in the mir
ror-but not on the mouth, as I'm afraid
Of germs-sO please take her kissing her
self on the Oreheadr'-Sketchy Bits.
The Washington herald., 1906-12-02
Tn Rnfh-

Adams-He says he has perfected plans
that viii enable him to build motor cars
which will be within the reach OF all
Blake-The ideal That means a great
business undertaking.
HIN! It also means a great undertake
ing business. .'-CasselTs Journal.
The Washington herald., 1906-12-02
A FearfnI CaNunIfv.

L say, Gawge, Chollys awfully bad"
Gawge-No-weallyl What's the mat
ter?
The shadow Of large house suddenly
fell on him as he cwossed the street yes
terday Funny Cuts.
The Washington herald., 1906-12-02
No speed About Him.

Didn't tell yer that Bill was too slow
10 livc?"
why, wot's e bin and done noW?"
He's gorn and got run over by a
hearse. Tit Bits.
The Washington herald., 1906-12-02
A Man of One Mind.

She-When are yoE going TO give me the
money TO buy that new dress?
He-Next week.
She-That is what you said last week.
He-Yes. And that is what l say now.
and am going to say next week l amt
the kind Of man to say one thing one
week and another thing the next
Smiles.
The Washington herald., 1906-12-02
Ready to Hear.

Old Quiverful-SO you want to take our
daughter from us-you want 10 take her
from us suddenly, without a word of
warning?
Young GOslow-NOt at all, sir. If there
is anything about her you want TO warn
me against, I'm willing TO listen.-Smiles.
The Washington herald., 1906-12-02
The Greater Voice.

What a fearful storm we had last
night-worst this year, 7 should say!''
Really? / was at the women's suf-
frase meeting, in the town hall. and we
didn't hear a sound Of it!"-Sketchy Bits.
The Washington herald., 1906-12-02
Honest.

From Tales.
Guest-Waiter. what do you mean
by this? You bring me the fish first
and the soup after
Waiter (confdentially)-T tell the
truth. sir, the fish would not keep any
longer.
The Washington herald., 1906-12-02
Convincing.

Lady-Are you sure this salmon is
fresh?
Salesman-Fresh2 Lor bless yer mum,
I've just had 10 cut it NJ TO keep Il from
jumpin' at the esi-Smiles.
The Washington herald., 1906-12-02
nIHcreef Youth.

Tess-George wanted to know last night
whether the roses on your cheeks were
real.
Bess-Well. what did you say?
Tess - Nothing-I merely winked.-
Smiles.
The Washington herald., 1906-12-02
Futurc Empire RuiIdfnr

From the Chicago Record Herald
Development within and not territorial
aggrandizement will constitute the en-
pire building Of the future.
The Washington herald., 1906-12-02
in SRfe Hands.

The Married One-Oh. we settle our diff
ferences by arbitrati0n
The Single One-And who arbitrates?
The Married One-Oh, I do, Of cOurse!-
Sketchy Bits.
The Washington herald., 1906-12-02
TnuchPh.

When lesyrg home each morning
He'd seldom have cent
His wife was a pianist and
her touch vas excellent.
-Dsh-eT Pest
Perth Amboy evening news., 1906-03-27

Advertising in the NEWS brings
good results.
Perth Amboy evening news., 1906-03-27
Plenty of Cows.

England possesses 28 cows for every
hundred of the population. Australia
has go
Perth Amboy evening news., 1906-03-27
COMFORTS FOR THE BABY.
A Warm Little Wrapper Is an Essen
tial-Kimonos of Flannel or
Challis Recommended.

Every baby needs a kimono, and these
comfortable little wrappers are now
made of Il variety Of dainty materials.
In pale blue or pink cashmere they are
very pretty, with a silk binding in white.
Printed French flannel and challis are
both less perishable materials to use
for the kimono. One little gown is made
Of biscuit color challls scattered with
printed designs of pink flowers. The
sill; band which finishes the front of the
kimono, the sleeves, and also forms the
collar, is OF cream color silk with feather
stitching in pale brown.
1t is quite a fad right now to have
baby's long cloak and carriage robe
made Of the same material. TO add eX-
ira warmth to the robe 1t may be lined
with fur. A new material TO be used
when the cloak and robe match is called
)orcupine silk, which has an effect of
blistered crepon, and comes in white
and many of the lovely delicate tints.
This same exquisite silk is also used for
baby caps. Cloaks with deep capes are
very much the vogue for new babies.
The most practical cloaks, however,
have the cape adjustable, so that it may
be worn or not, according to the wealth
er.-Grace Margaret Gould, in Woman's
Home Companion.
Perth Amboy evening news., 1906-03-27

GOVERNOR IS
NOT KILLED.
Missing Official of Samar Safe
:at MagtaOn---Cury Sends Re-
port of Fighting.

MANILA. March Ex-Governor Cur
nv. Judge Lobinger, Superintendent of
Schools Hoover and all the other Amer
leans who were missing after the fight
at Magtaon are safe. having returned
TO the post there.
Governor Curry in a report to the
government on the engagement with
Pulaianes says:
Had a hard fight, in which Captain
| Jones of the ~cOnstabulary lost half OF
his command. gaining Il magnlhcent
victory in the face of Overwhelming
odds. The Pulaianes under a nag OF
truce and while promising to surrender
suddenly opened fire, charging the con
stabulary.
The leader of the Pulajanes ordered
his men to first wipe out the cOnstaD-
ulary and then to capture myself and
other Americans.
The Pulajanes leader signaled, and
his men made Il bolo rush. Judge Lo-
binger and the district school inspector
escaped in one direction and | in an
other, swimming the river and escap-
ing into the brush.
Il have requested a company of fed
eral troops Immediately and later on
when joined by this additional force
will wage a war of determination
against the fugitives, which is the only
alternative.
The constabulary did splendidly.
though their inferior firearms, which
were minus bayonets, placed them at
Il disadvantages. With the assistance
of the federal troops we will be able
TO eXtcrminate the fugitives, who are
now in the mountains, and will destroy
the crops.
THE natives of Samar, with the eX-
ception Of the Pulajanes, are in SYM
pathy with us and are assisting us.
Every town is ~endeavoring TO assist
in the determination of the fue .tives.
Several prominent Filipinos were pres
ent and witnessed the treacherous ac-
ton of the PulajaneS."
Governor Curry was lost thirty-siX
hours, but was found in Il road camp.
He has withdrawn his application for
II leave of absence and proposes to fin
ish the pacification.
Perth Amboy evening news., 1906-03-27
MormOns and SAT- Monopoly.

WASHINGTON, March u. - Evil
dence in rebuttal of the last testimony
taken in the case against Senator
Smoot of Utah was presented to the
senate committee ON privileges and
elections. The first witness was Rob
ert j. Shields of Salt Lake, general
sales agent of the Inland Crystal Salt
company. the president of which is Jo-
Seph Smith. the head Of the Mormon
church. Mr.. Shields is Il gentle and
never has been II member of the Nor
mon church. He was recalled 10 refute
the testimony of {. \. Smurthwaite.
which was to the effect that the Nor
mon church was so actively engaged
in the salt business as to gain Il con-
troll amounting to Il monopoly.
Perth Amboy evening news., 1906-03-27

NEW YORK, March 2I.-That sixty
pounds Of dynamite We're buried near
Fort Lee, \. j., ready for use at any
time by striking ironworkers and that
he in conjunction with Others had
started the fire in the Pagan Iron
works in Jersey City as we'll as other
jobs ut the request Of the Ho%usesmithS
and BridSemen's union was asserted
by Charles Moran after he pleaded
guilty in general sessions TO having at
tempted to wreck with dynamite the
Bliss building here.
Perth Amboy evening news., 1906-03-27

ALGEClRAS. Spain. March 21.-The
delegates TO the Moroccan conference
are on the eve of an agreement. They
are generally satisfied with the result
of their work and believe that an
agreement is no longer doubtful. Ten
days probably will be necessary for the
arrangement of details. The Duke OF
Almodovar. president of the confer
ence. states that no formidable obsta.
Giles in the way of accord exist.
Perth Amboy evening news., 1906-03-27
Tornado ut billings. Okla.

PERRY. Okla, March 2I.-Three per
sons were severely injured and thou
sands of dollars worth of property
was destroyed by Il tornado that
struck the neighborhood south of Bill
were critically hurt rs they lay in bed,
Their home was blown to pieces, and
they We're buried in the ruins. Mrs.
sam Merriield sustained serious iniu-
rieS in Il similar ann
Perth Amboy evening news., 1906-03-27
"~Arizona" Actors In Pistol Play.

SYRACUSE, y. y. March 27.-".Ari-
IONA was portrayed in real western
style on the stage of the Bastable the
alter last night at the close of the pro
duction of the play of that name when
in Il quarrel between Clarence Herr
tage, the leading man, and Charles IL.
Graham, playing the part of Sergeant
Keller, the latter was shot at three
times. bullet entering the back of
his left hand. A second caused an
abrasion of the cheek and Il third failed
10 take effect.
Perth Amboy evening news., 1906-03-27

Subscribe for the NEWS.
Perth Amboy evening news., 1906-03-27

Weather Probabilities.
Fair and colder; west winds.
Perth Amboy evening news., 1906-03-27

SALEM, Va. March 27.-President !.
A. Morehead that Andrew
Carnegie offers to give $4,000 for Il
new endowment fund of Roanoke col
lege when II like sun has been raised
and the debt Of $4,000 on the new
building has been paid. The object of
the proposed new fund of $50,000 is to
add more prOfessOrships.
Perth Amboy evening news., 1906-03-27
Never Scrape.

When a baking dish gets burnt
in using, it should not be scraped; SIM
ply put "a little water and ashes in il and
without injuring the dish.
Perth Amboy evening news., 1906-03-27
Big n

A ball was given in the Mechanics
pavilion, San Francisco, recently, for
the widows and orphans aid fund OF
the police department, and realized
$2l 900 net.
Perth Amboy evening news., 1906-03-27
Worlds PIG, Iron.

The L.Ondon Statist estimates the
production of pig iron of the world III
1905 at 50, lis, 900 tons. an increase of
5000, 600 tons over 1904.
Perth Amboy evening news., 1906-03-27
Queer Horse Feed.

Dried currants given to horses oc-
~casionally, instead of oats, are said a
increase the animals powers of endur
ance.
The Red Cloud chief., 1906-11-02
HEARST AND HUGHES BUSY
Snow and Rain Does Not Stop Cam
~paienina In New York State.

New York, Oct. 31.-Snow failed to
chill or rain to dampcn the enthusi-
asm of thousands who turned out to
hear and applaud the heads of the
state tickets as they hurried through
the western section OF the state. stop
ping wherever feasible to speak briefly
and shake hands with party support
ers. The speeches were IN familiar
lines. Hughes promised a square deal
for every citizen of the state should
be be elected. Hearst roundly scored
abe board of elections which decided
against some League nominees and
pleaded for freedom from corporation
control of oficCholdCrs.
The Red Cloud chief., 1906-11-02
Taft Speaks at DanviIle,

Danville. H., Oct. 31.-Secretary
Taft spoke to an overflow audience in
this city and then left for Omaha.
Neb., where he speaks tonight. Mr..
Taft urged the election OF Speaker
Joseph G. Cannon, discussed the anti
injunction bill. defined trusts and re-
Serred to the remedies adopted by a
Republican congress for their regula'
hon and emphasized the necessity of
slecting a Republican congress to
support the president in carrying out
his policies"
The Red Cloud chief., 1906-11-02
Telephone War at CHICAGO.

Chicago, Oct. 31.-Omcial notice
that the Independent telephone inter
ssts have leased the telephone fran
Ghise of the Illinois Tunnel company,
thereby securing an entrance into Chi
general counsel Of the independent
interests. This official notification
marks the beginning of the telephone
warfare between the Chicago Tele-
phone and the new telephone com
panies which has been threatened for
so long.
The Red Cloud chief., 1906-11-02
W. C. 7. U. CONVENTION
Spirited Appeal Of Kansas Delegate to
Put a Stop to White Slave Trade.

SpIT'teo appeal o. Na"eae CS'eSesS W
Put a Stop to White Slave Trade.
Hartford, Conn, Oct. 31.-"There
are 10000 young women in Chicago
who are obliged to work at SIS a week
and there are 5000 saloons there too"
said Mrs. Lurinda b. Smith OF Kansas
st the session of the national conven-
don Of the Women's Christian Tenn
perance union. in presenting to the
convention the difficulties with which
the refuge work Of the association
has to contend. Mrs. Smith made q
spirited appeal for the efforts Of all
the delegates from all parts Of the
country to put a stop to the white
slave trade. The speaker cited in
stances OF young women held in cap
tivity and sold at auction in New
York and asked why 1t was forty
years after the civil war had been
fought for the liberation Of the black
slaves, that slavery Of young women
should be tolerated in this country.
She said that one Of the most favor
able signs was that seven nations re.
Gently banded together for the sup
preston of this awful vice.
The Red Cloud chief., 1906-11-02
MRS. EDDY INTERVIEWED
MEAD OF CHRISTIAN SCIENCE
CHURCH NOT ILL.
TAKES HER CUSTOMARY DRIVE

Shows No Sign Of Weakness Not Elk
pected in Woman Of E~iohty-six and
Saws She Has No other Physician
. Than God.
Concord, N. H., Oct. 31.-The repre-
sentative Of the Associated Press who
interviewed Mrs. Baker G. Eddy, head
of the Christian Science church, ten
years ago. went to Pleasant View,
Mrs. Bddy's home, and was granted
another interview.
Although Mrs. Eddy shows her ad-
yanced age in some respects, her
voice was clear and strong and she
gave no evidence of decrepitude or OF
any weakness not to be expected of a
woman in her e~ighty-sixth year.
The interview, which was granted
TO half a score newspaper representa-
tives who had assembled in this city.
after the publication of sensational
stories in connection with Mrs. Eddy's
health, was arranged by II. Cornell
Wilson, head of the Christian Science
Publishing company.
"Are you in perfect physical health.
Mrs. Eddy?" was the first question.
"I am" was the brief reply.
"Have you any other physician
than God?"
mo, indeed" answered Mrs. Eddy
with emphasis, and then she added,
slowly and solemnly: "The everlast-
ing arms are around and above me,
which Is enough"
Mrs. Eddy then abruptly started for
her carriage to take her customary
drive.