davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1906-02-22

out, and it wasn't so bad, because the
crowd remained and they thought it
was part of the show, and that the ami
mails were trained to sneeze That way
The worst case was the hippopotamus.
He was so big, and had such big nos
trils, that | laid about half pound Of
snuff ON the side or his tank, and when
he snuffed it up his nose he got it all.
heard howl from the tank and knew
the hippo was getting ready to sneeze,
and told pa to come on, cause Vessu-
vious was going to erupt.
Pa came on the rum, just as he was,
and then the worst happened. think
! the hippo went under water when he
found the sneeze was coming, for just
as pa got to the tank the water flew into
the air like a torpedo had exploded I'M
der a battleship, and the hippo had
sneeZed all right and pa and the audi
ence which had followed him were
drenched and deafened by the explosion.
The hippo had blown the water all out
OF his tank, and he lay at the bottom, on
his side sneezing little sneezes not
louder than the report of a six-pound
cannon, and painting for breath. Then
he raised his head. got up on his feet,
and opened his mouth like a cash cut in
a steer by cow catcher of an engine,
and he yawned, and | guess he got the
lockjaw, cause he kept his mouth open
all the afternoon, to get the air, like a
soprano singer in choir, who has been
fed a cayenne pepper lozenger by the
tenor, just before she gets up to sing:
"a Charge to Keep, Have"
We went around and inspected the
sneezing animals, with the manager,
and he complimented me by saying had
saved the show from becoming an ag-
gregation of stuffed animals, only fit for
taxidermist studio. and made every
animal show that he had ginger in him.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1906-02-22
CAUGHT WOLF WITH HANDS
Accomplished the Diff
cult Feat.

In couple Of miles | was close
enough to see what was going on. But
one greyhound was left with Aber-
nethy. The coyote was obviously tired,
and Abernethy, with the aid of his
perfectly trained horse, was helping
the greyhound catch it, says Mr.
Roosevelt, in Scribner's Magazine.
Twice he headed 1t, and this en-,
abled me to gain rapidly. They
reached small unwooded creek by
the time l was within so yards; the
little wolf tried to break back to the
left; Abernethy headed it and rode al
most over it; and it gave a wicked
snap at his foot, cutting the boot
Then he wheeled and came toward it;
again it gallOped back, and just as it
crossed the creek the greyhound made
a rush, pinned it by the hind leg, and
threw it.
There was scuff1e, then yell from
the greyhound as the wolf bit it. At
the bite the hound let go and jumped
back few feet, and al the same mo-
ment Abernethy, who had ridden his
horse right on them as they struggled,
leaped off and sprang on top of the
wolf. He held the reins of the horse
with one hand, and thrust the other
with a rapidity and precision even
greater than the rapidity of the VOLTS
snap, into the VOLTS mouth, jamming
his hand down crosswise between the
jaws, Selling the lower jaw and bend
ing it down so that the wolf could not
bite him.
He had a stout glove on his hand,
but this would have been of no avail
" hatever had he not seized the animal
just as he did, that is, behind the
CANNES, while his hand pressed the
lips against the teeth; with his knees
he kept the wolf from using its fore
paws to break the hold, until it gave
up struggling. When he thus leaped
On and captured this coyote it was en-
tirely free, the dog having let go of
it and he was obliged to mold the reins
Of his horse with one hand I was
not 20 yards distant at the time, ana as
I leaped off the horse be was sitting
placidly on the live wolf, his hand be-
tween it's jaws, the greyhound stand
ing beside him and his horse standing
by as placidly as he was. In a couple
Of minutes Fortescue and Lambert
came up. II was as remarkable a feat
OF the kind as I have ever seen.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1906-02-22

say: 20, you think you are smart,
don't your" Then they will go and dig
it up, and play with it, and eat it if they
want to.
l took my first package of snuff to the
lions cage, and he was the sickest and
most disguised looking lion you ever
saw, acting like man who has taken
severe cold, and wants to kill anybody
that looks at him. The lion lay on the
straw, stretched out full length, paying
no attention to the crowd that passed
his cage, and acting as though he wanted
a hot whisky and his feet soaked in
mustard water. When he was not look
ing hid the package of snuff under the
straw, and ratified the straw little. and
he opened his eyes and looked at me as
much as to say: you can't fool old
Shadrack, for am on to you" l walked
away behind the hyena cage, and Mr..
Lion got up and stretched himself, and
walked to the place where put the pa
per of snuff, put his foot on it and broke
the paper, and then he put his nose
down and shifted sniff that drew the
whole of the snuff up into his nose and
lungs, and insides generally.
Gee, but you never saw such change
In a lion. The crowd of visitors we're
right near his cage, when he shifted, and
when he got the snuff into him, he began
to heaye his sides like man who is pre-
pairing to sneeze. caught his breath a
few times, and let out sneeze that
sounded like the explosion of an auto
mobile tire. 1t threw cut feed all over
the audience, and everybody ran away.
yelling that the lion had busted.
He kept on sneezing, and looking so
astounded, as though he couldn't make
out what had got into him. Pa heard
the connection and came running up to
the case TO find out what allied the lion.
After l had gone around to the other
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1906-02-22
NOT ONE, BUT QUITE LATE
Lovers Plea Answered by Voice
That Carried Conviction
with It.

Prof G.. A. Hill, of the national observa-
tory, was describing the duties of an
astronomical corps during an eclipse.
THE eclipse" he said, may only last
FIVE minutes. Each man in the party has
a certain line of work mapped out for
him during these precious minutes. One
man makes hurried pencil sketches. An
other man photographs. A third man takes
observations, while fourth jots down his
remarks.
And so it goes An astronomical corps
during an eclipse is a very busy body. An
interruption would be as unwelcome to it
as-aS-
Prof. Hill smiled.
"An interruption would be as unweleome
to it as it once was to a young friend OF
mine in Elizabeth
MY friend, according to the story,
was calling on his sweetheart, who lived
on Elzabeth's outskirts.
''As the young man was taking leave
for the night, his voice, as he stood on
the piazza, rose passionately in the still
air.
Just one,' he said. Just one
"Then the young girls mother inter.
rupted, calling from her bedroom win
dow:
'"Just one? No, it amt quite that yet.
But it's close on to II, so think ye'd bet
ter be goin' just the same"
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1906-02-22
ME- AND |
LAWSON
BY RICHARD WEBB
Illustrated BY w. W. Densow
and n. Aleshire.
IN SIX SECTIONS [
ecopyriCht. 1905, By G. v. Dillingham; Co.,
SECTION VI.


AmaIgamated Gas (Continued).
After had dried me sleeves and took
a brace | speaks up to the insurance
guy and SEE:
81 amt wise to your game, but Ia
rather be Good Old You Tor minute
than be a hull flock of them Soft-drink
Boys what's writ about in the books"
He hands me laugh what come from
the Right Place and SEE:
This is what insurance companies is
for. We do this every day. It's our ex-
cuse for living"
When | asked him where all the coin
comes from, he SEE:
kid, the insurance companies has got
enough money in their keeping to paste
a strip Of hundred dollars bills round
the earth, and then some"
o, yes, about the Boss. The next no.
tice | took of his chatter he was telling
Addicks that he had dropped a Stack Of
Blue Chips by taking up lot of cir
cular letters from insurance companies
what wasn't meant for him particular,
to prove that he had been asked to take
insurance when he hadn't and by print
ing the hull thing in the magazine along
with a sample policy what Hurry
Harry Agent had give him to rubber at.
and saying how it was the Real Thing
when it wasn't.
Just then Addicks puts his dark Ian
terms on me and SEE:
Lets hear what the wise Humpty has
to say about It,"
| didn't call me tongue to breakfast
right away but after thinking min
ute asked if it wasn't mostly Women
and Kids what got the insurance com
pany's money, and when they sed yes
looked away from the Boss and sed,
pretty slow on me pins:
Good fighting dogs don't generally
tackle Lady Dogs with Litters, no mat
ter what the scraps about"
we didn't none of us say nothing for
while Then the Boss sed l looked
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1906-02-22

t'The Return Ticket of Shot-Off Sky
Rocket. -


Rocket
The next mornig the hull of our
crowd was doing double stunts and
everything was whizzing. l didn't see
the Boss but onct, and he forgot to speak
to me. There was plenty of kilograms,
but the other fellows carried 'em.
| heard the head Pen Pusher say that
the Boss was selling short with both
hands and the market would be good
for ten-point drop in few days.
Oh my, oh me, but he was Busy-izzy.
A few days after that bought meself
a paper when | was comm down to the
Office, and Gee, didn't the Boss have a
big ad. In it!
The letters was as big as Barnum's
Circus and told the Public that the Sys-
tenn had skinned EN- to Bald Banana:
that Amalgamated Gees had never had
no Feathers, and that Frenzied Copper
would put burning blisters on their
hands if they held it minute longer.
He advised EN- from his Weeping Soul
to Sell everything they had what wasn't
nailed down, and told EN- to keep their
ttilS " lh6 With Tue maps point
Ing toward Him.
Mebbe the telephone girl wasn't the
Swiss Bell-ringer Lady that day. /
choose yes.
The Boss did the Lamb Dance over the
ticker till two hours after eating time.
He shuff1ed deck of kilograms with one
hand and acted like hospital doctor
saying How-de-do to a tape worm with
the other.
This lasted for couple of days, but
somebody must have put sand on the
track. The Slump didn't come off, and
the Boss was Crazy Claude for fair.
Some fresh guy left a drawed valen-
tine in the front Office what showed the
Boss up as the return ticket of shot
off skyrocket. with the words: use
Fakerine for that Faxed Feeling" Unde.
Ii. I was laughing with me full face
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1906-02-22

cages and put snuff in all of them, came
up to the lions cage. The lion had
stopped sneezing and was roaring and
jumping up and down, with his mouth
open, trying to catch his breath, like a
man who has taken too big dose of
fresh hOrse-radish.
Pa said: What you been doing to
Shadrack?"
| told pa had woke Shadrack up, and
that in about minute he would find that
the whole animal kingdom had got a
bellyful, and would join in the chorus.
Pa tried to soothe the lion by going up
to the cage and stroking his name, but
the lion looked cross-eyed and stopped
prancing and gave a sneeze right at pa,
which blew pa clear across the tent to
where the sacred COW had just got hers.
When the stuff began to work on that
cow it was simply scandalous, cause
she beloved and cried and sneezed all
at once, and paved pa. He got up and
told me was OVERRIDING this waking up
act on the animals.
By that time the cage of hyenas began
to sneeze quartette, and fight each
other, and the atmosphere about their
cage was full Of hair and language that
would be much like cussing if it could
be translated into English. Pa tried to
quiet the crowd and silence the hyenas
by taking an iron bar and mauling them,
but the hyenas just backed up against
the rear of the cage and howled and
sneezed at pa, and dared him to come on.
One of them caught him by the shirt
sleeve and tore pas shirt off and eat it
Pa was sight, with no shirt on, and he
ought to have gone to the dressing room
and slicked, but just then the camels
and the CRATES, who had inhaled their
snuff, began to sneeze and beg to be
killed, and pa had to go over there and
quiet them. A camel is the solemnest
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1906-02-22
TERRIBLE SCALY ECZEMA.
Eruptions Appeared on Chest, and
Face and Neck Were All Broken
Out-Cured by Cuticura.

ST had an eruption appear on my chest
and body and extend upwards and down
wards, so that my neck and face were al
broken out; also my arms and the lower
limbs as far as the knees. at first
thought it was prickly heat. But soon
ing out was. Instead of going to a ply
sician, | purchased complete treatment
of the Cuticura Remedies, in which had
great faith, and all was satisfactory. A
year or two later the eruption appeared
again, only little lover; but before it
had time to spread / procured another
supply of the Cuticura Remedies, and con
tinued their use until the cure was com
plete. It is now five years since the last
attack, and have not seen any signs of a
return. I have more faith in Cuticura
Rem dies for skin diseases than anything
I know of. Emma E. Wilson, Liscomb,
Iowa, Oct. l, 1906"
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1906-02-22
An Epicure.

The very vagabonds of Paris have
the Datriarchal instinct, and the most
hoary and hardened reprobate of their
body is their Father They call
him "Pere Lajoie." This venerable
person has just been arrested for va
grancy for the ffty-eightn time, in the
course of a raid which swept % otner
good-for-nothings beside himself into
the police net. ''Pere Lajoie" would
seem to have some traces of the light
ness of the spirit suggested by his
name. He would rather go to prison
than to the French equivalent for a
workhouse. In the prison, he ex-
planned, they know how to cook hari-
cot beans; in the pauper establishment
they do not.-London Globe.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1906-02-22
Popular Line to the East.

The splendid passenger service of the
Nickel Plate Road, the care and atten-
ton shown passengers have made it a
favorite with the inexperienced as well as
those accustomed to travel. Every feature
necessary to the comfort and convenience
of the passengers, especially ladies travel
ing alone or accompanied by children, is
provided Colored Porters in Uniform are
in attendance to serve the wants of all
and to see that cars are kept scrupulous-
ly clean. Pullman Sleepers on all trains,
and an excellent Dining service, serving
Individual Club meals or a la Carte at
moderate cost. When travelling East pur-
Road. All trains depart from the La
Sale st. Station, Chicago. For full in
formation regarding tickets, rates, routes,
sleeping car reservations, ETC., call on or
address j. J. Callahan, General Agent,
No. Ill Adams St., Chicago, Ill.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1906-02-22

Well, spose have done it, now. and
It would not surprise me to be killed and
fed to wild animals. The manager of
the show was talking to pa and me, be-
fore we left New York, about the condi-
ton of the show. It's finances were all
balled up on account of settling with
people who pretended to be injured
when the tent blew down at Poughkeep-
sic, and the hands and performers are
kicking because we are month behind
On salaries, and they get drunk when
ever any jay will buy for them. Every
body gives passes to everybody that
wants to get in the show, so the box
office man has a sinecure, and people
chase us from town to town for money
for board, and hay, and everything.
All through New Jersey we showed to
claim agents and creditors, and didn't
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1906-02-22

Pinkham, of Lynn, Mass, is fully quail
fiedto give helpful advice tosick women.
Read Mrs. Dimmick'S letters.
Her first letter:
Dear Mrs Pinkham:-
81 have been a sufferer for the past eight
wears with trouble which first originated
from painful periods-the pains were excruc1-
ating, with Inflammation and liberation of the
female organs. The doctor says must have
an operation or / cannot live l do not want
to submit to an operation if | can possibly
avoid it. Please help me."-Mrs. Mary
Dimmick, Washington, d. G.
Her second letter:
Dear Mrs. Pinkham:-
"You will remember my condition when
last wrote you, and that the doctor said
must have an operation or could not live.
received your kind letter and followed your
advice very carefully and am now entirely
well. As my case was so serious it seems q
miracle that am cured. know that owe
not only my health but my life to Lydia II.
Pinkham's Vegetable Compound and to your
advice. / can walk miles without an ache or
a pain, and wish every suffering woman
would read this letter and realize what you
can do for them. Mrs. Mary Dimmick, 59th
and East Capitol Streets, Washington, ID. Z.
How easy it was for Mrs. Dimmick to
write to Mrs. Pinkham at Lynn, Mass,
and how little it cost her-a two-cent
stamp Yet how valuable was the replyI
AS Mrs Dimmick says-it saved her life.
Mrs. Pinkham has on file thousands
of just such letters as the above, and
offers ailing women helpful advice.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1906-02-22
Old English Law.

Many curious instances of old laws
may still be found in England N
Chester the man who fails to raise
his hat when a funeral is passing be-
comes liable to an old law to be
taken before a magistrate and I'm
nriSoned
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1906-02-22
Rebuked.

Father" said boy of II. "can you
tell me who Shylock WASP"
What" exclaimed the father in an
aggrieved tone, "have | sent you to
Sunday school for the last six or seven
years only to have you ask me who
Shyleek was? Shame on you. boy! Get
your Bible and find out at once!"-
Lippincott's Magazine.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1906-02-22

the doctors decided / could not live.
My wife got me using Doan's Kidney
Pills, and as they helped me 50 took
heart, kept on and was cured so thor
oughly that I've been well three years.
Sold by all dealers. so cents a box.
Foster-Milburn Co., Buffalo, N. Y.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1906-02-22


my back ached and
1 was so run down
that / was laid up
four months. l
had night sweats
and fainting spells
and dropped to 90
pounds. The urine
passed every few
minutes with in
tense pain and
looked like blood.
Dropsy set in and
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1906-02-22
Garfield Tea. Mild Laxative.

Nothing has yet taken the place of Gar.
field Tea, Natures remedy for kidney and
liver trouble, constipation and sick head
ache. Contains no harmful ingredients,
nothing but medicinal herbs. Sold at all
drug stores. Send for free sample to
Garfield Tea Co, Brooklyn, N. Y.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1906-02-22
Result Much to Be Desired.

Hostess-Do take some more of the
pudding, Mr.. Borewell.
Borewell-My dear Mrs. Bunderby,
couldn't eat another mouthful I've
eaten so much already that | can hard
ly speak.
do try little more-just little
more, if only to please me, Mr.. Bore
we'll. STRAY Stories.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1906-02-22
Hard on Passengers.

A traveller in an English railroad
train went to sleep and passed the sta
At the next station he was arrested Tor
travelling without having paid his fare.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1906-02-22
ILLUSTRATION by w. W. Denslow)

ILLUSTRATION by w. w. Denslow)
DOING DOUBLE-QUICK STUNTS"
His wound heals far too slowly. There
ought to be an ironclad law against
speeding automobiles in downtown
Streets
Presently a comforting sleep spread
its lulling coverlet over the tired little
mind, but before his tossed and buffeted
boatlet sailed softly forth on slumber's
silent sea he drowsily whispered:
This sportin' life is great 1t takes
a Messenger Kid to dig Living Picture
Potatoes out of the Wise Garden"
THE END.
Copyright, 1905, by G. w. Dillingham; Coz
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1906-02-22
Shake Into Your Shoes

Aliens Foot-E 1t cures painful, swollen,
smarting, sweating feet. Makes new shoes
easy; Sold by all Druggists and Shoe Stores.
Don't accept any substitute. Sample FREE.
Address A. S. Olmsted, lie Roy, N. Y.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1906-02-22

The dyspeptic. who is ordered, by his
physician to walk five miles a day, and
who RECEIVERS his health by following
the advice, ought not to complain be-
cause he has to have new soles put on
bic ShOac
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1906-02-22
TWO OPEN LETTERS
IMPORTANT TO MARRIED WOVEN
Mrs. Mary Dimmick Of Washington tells
How Lydia E. Pinkham's Vegetable
Compound Made Her Well.

1t is with great pleasure we publish
the following letters, as they convinc-
ingly prove the claim we have so many
times made in our columns that Mrs.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1906-02-22

Fashion writer says: Zone can get a
real cute layette for a baby for $500"
Wouldn't that make you join Race Sui
eide Cluh2-N Y Herald.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1906-02-22

After man has told his first falsehood
to mis- wife the voice o. conscience is lost
in his self-approval at telling such good
one.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1906-02-22
Sunken Treasure.

1t is estimated that eighty millions
of British treasure lie sunk along the
yOute from England to India
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1906-02-22

Among other lost arts is that of keeping
ones mouth closed when there's nothing
more to say.-Chicago Daily News.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1906-02-22

To Cure a Cold in One Day
Take LAXATIVE BRoMo Quinine Tablets
Druggists refund money if it fails to cure.
E.W. GROVES signature is on each box. 25o
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1906-02-22

You can never make a woman believe
that if you take man to lunch and make
contract with him, that is attending to
business.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1906-02-22

It's mean critic that won't roast a
friends book enough to make it seu.-N.
O. Picayune.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1906-02-22

sleepy and better hike to me Hay Loft.
But just as 1 was sleep-walking out Of
the room l heard the Addicks guy say:
Il guess your game is o. K, Tommy,
but you'll have to make hay while the
Con shines. The people are getting next
to you sixty miles an hour, and in few
months you'll be as dead as a Cured
Boil on Busy Boy S Neck"
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1906-02-22
RAISED FROM A DEATH-BED.
Mr.. Pitts, Once Pronounced Incurable.
Has Been Well Three Years.

E. E.. Pitts, 60 Hathaway St., Show
hegan. Ne. saws: s'SeYen years ago
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1906-02-22

Most of the trouble with having money
is that you haven't more.-N. Y. Press.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1906-02-22

Tie Bad Boy Feeds the Menagerie
Scotch Snuff-Pa Gets Mauled by
the Sneezing Animals-Pa Takes
Midnight Ride on a Mule to L.
cape Punishment.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1906-02-22

Lands adjoining can be purchased at from So
to $40 per acre from railroad and other corpora
tion6.