The Richmond palladium. (Richmond, Ind.) 1906-1907, 1906-06-16

Rome had lit on the Capulet and
stung him like a bee. That Capulet
he plentifully prodded happened to be
Jules pet cousin, and all his connec
ton was diligently seeking Romeo
with hat pins and fireworks. If they
had found him, there wouldn's have
been enough of Rome to make a
small souvenir for each of them.
Little did they think that Rome was
now a member of their family. The
prince in charge of the administration
tied a can to Rome and told him to
seek his Gladstone and smite the ma
cadam.
But before he went, he just had to
see julie, that was all there was to
it. They had been married such a
teenty while they really wanted to
see each other, so he snuck up that
rope ladder after awhile, talked it all
over with her, and then started tear
fully for Jersey City and Oblivion,
which are suburbs of each other.
Right away the Capulets got busy
marrying julie to that Paris man.
Wasn't that girl getting hers, though?
Married on the q. t. to the official
enemy, hubby canned for carving cous-
in, pa setting her wedding day with
chap she loved as a tramp loves
manual toll. That was her busy day.
She had to drink water frequently to
keep up the tear supply. She bucked
on this second wedding. She was just
tired of being married every few min
utes. Not being a Mormon she
wasn't used to a steady rice lombard
ment. Either in her dilemma or in
the evening q forget which) she went
to that priest man and told him her
troubles. He advised her:
julie, take this dope and drink it
the night before the time set for the
wedding. In the morning you'll look
deader than tariff revision, and they'll
put you in the family vault with cOus-
in. Then III send a messenger to hub
by and have him come to the vault.
About the time he arrives you'll be
getting over your jag, and away to
parts unknown for the two of YOU
You're on" said julie gratefully,
tucking the bottle under her apron
and ducking.
The family was sreatfully disap-
pointed to find her dead, next day, and
the bridegroom had to go and change
his clothes and fire the musicians.
From this on, things were worse
muddled than an amateur play put on
by the senior class. The message to
Romeo got balled up till he thought
julie was sure dead. Buying some
knockout-drops from a poor apothe
r;,to hoI ,,st
learned how to charge so cents for a
dozen bread pills,) he hurried back re-
CARELESS of the quarantine, borrowed
pick and shovel, dynamited his way
into the Capulet safetydeposit vault,
killed Paris who was shopping around,
lay down beside Juliet, swallowed his
pain-killer and croaked. In about five
minutes julie yawned, reached under
her pillow for her teeth, and sat up.
Seeing Romeo there in a bad state of
preservation, she said:
Greedy thing! He didn't leave any
thing in that glass for me. Not even
just spend the time stabbing myself
while the crowd gathers
When the two families found the
population of the vault to have in
creased so rapidly during the night,
they kissed and made up, agreeing
that the fued habit was expensive and
unwholesome.
Moral-In the words of once-pop-
ular song.
Don't buy your drinks from an a.
poth-e-caaa-ry;
Don't stab yourself through the left
pulmO-naaa-ry,
Like Romeo and Juliet"