The morning Astorian. [volume] (Astoria, Oregon) 1899-1930, 1906-07-13

WI w ~ uHu wv Uiu WUuihh W0hv
potplR Of de chickens but viii some
Of you tell ine how do whyncsa OF Dc
whenceneas came aDoutf Tfad police.
man found me wild dat bag on my
shoulder should have been held 10.
gally responslblef"
Tho consensus 0f opinion seemed TO
be that he shouldn't and when the ora
tor wns satisfied ns 40 this he went on:
"what am lubf You pass 10000.
women and gib none o. 'cm q second
look. You don't kcer copper whcths~
dey am old or young. good lookIn' or
homcly. All Of sudden you meet
your fate. You come face 10 face wild
woman who gibs you look and a
smile. and o crowbar seems TO jab you
10 do heart You foller her You find
ont who ahe ain. You call and toll her
dat you can't iib widout her. In a
week OF so you are married, and you
find she Inns aebcn hundred dollars In
do savings bank? What about DO
whcnceneas OF do whutncssf Why did
you do IN Why didn't you git on a
freight train and beat your way down
10 dc New Orleans races inaleadf
"you am sittin' on do fence OF sum
mers inawnln', jest an you have sot
thousand times bcfo'. You am wishln'
your ticket In dc lottery would strike a
prize OF mIllyop dollars, Jest as you
have wished ton thousand times befo'.
DO -four and Do 'taters and bacon am
out, and de ole woman needs shoes.
You am wonderin' II II hurts much TO
eat nun baked possum TO XIII you
whom lightning rod man drives up
and offers you n Job at one hundred
per month and pays tifty In advance.
.who or what sent dat man deref
Why didn't he take another roadf Why
didn't his wagon break down befo' II
got to your Why wasn't you In do
back yard jawin' wild do ole woman
wc kin all see DO whyness OF de
whenceness. but what subtle power
brung II about7
Last year." continued the orator.
after molstening his lips with two
glasscs OF cider from the pitcher, Il
was In jail In my native state. was
out IN dc woods studyin' dc habits Of
de razorbackcd hawg when con.
stable came along and gathered me In.
was sent 10 jail for thirty days II
was claimed dat had run dat hawg
so fur and no fast dat he had dropped
dead. After | had spent ten days In
jail. and one night when was sittin'
and thInkin' OF do miliyons and mill.
yons Of men who had returned to dust,
voice whispered In my ear, Try dc
winder"
"Dnr was nobody but me Ia do jail.
DE voice could have come from no liv.
In person. Why should I try do win.
der instead OF dc doahi Why should
try anythingi did. howeber. ! walk.
cd ober and tried do bars Of do win.
der and FOUND 'en leoss. aud tsn min
utes later was free. In gwine down
dc street picked up a wallet wild $500
IN II. and I reached de depot jest as
a train wa leavin' fur Montgomery.
How do yor account fur iti Why de
whatness o: de whynessf Why didn't
dc roof OF dc jail cave in and kill me
instead7
MY fren's," said Mr.. johnson as he
tunkcd on the door with bis umbrella
to emphasize his words. II don't say
dat you oil should be philosophers,
kase de real philosopher am bon to
de business and can't be success wild.
out. but am akin you to pay mo at.
tenshun to de things OF life. Study Into
de why Of dc whyfores.
"You have jest passed a mewl stand.
Ing hItched TO post. You have passed
In safety. De person behind you am
fat woman. De mewl kicks out and
lands her ten feet away. whyf
you so to grocer to whom you are
In debt and order half a pound Of tea.
He smiles and puts 1t up for you. De
very next day you 10 back to do very
same man and order half pound OF
coffee, and he says he'll be hanged II
you kin have II. Whyf
"what brung about de whichness OF
de whenceness1
"Think, ponder and study and don't
let these things sit de best Of You all
do time. And now, thanking you fur
your metricIous and alluvlal attenshun
and hopin' to be one OF you ere long, |
make my how and respectfully wish
you farewell" NJ. QUAD.