Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1906-04-21
ALL KINDS OF STUNTS
Now Required of the "Leaden-
HeeIed Mercuries."
MESSENGERS QUEER JOBS
Engaged to Hold Down Chair in Bar
Der Shops.
HOOKING" JEWELS BY PROXY
Boys Hired to Go on the Stage -
Breaking In New Shoes-Carrying
Money to the Race Track.
HOOKING" JEWELS BY PROXY

man who wore that obvious suburban air
and had considerable of the red clay of
Virginia on the soles OF his shoes, rushed
zip to the counter of Pennsylvania avenue
establishment where district messengers
are furnished a few forenoons ago.
Say" demanded the jerky man with the
suburban air. addressing the young man
behind the counter. Il want to hire wing
footed Mercury that's strong enough on
the memory thing to make a Philadelphia
lawyer look like somebody suffering from
aphasa.'
Beg pardon?" said the young man be-
hind the counter, naturally regarding the
Jerky man a lunatic.
Messenger boy fitted and geared with
abnormal memory-that's what I'm hunting
for and what I'm willing to pay the full
scale wage for" said the jerky man.
Have you got such an article in the place
messenger kid provided and rugged out
with memory capable Of making the
| memory of the late Lord Macauley seem
trivial and childlilke by comparison2"
i haven't got you yet, SIR, said the
young man behind the counter, guardediy.
Our messengers are pretty good on MEM
Dry, If that s.
well, that's the answer all right then"
went on the nervous man. That's the
Kind of a boy l want to charter-a boy
with memory. I'm bug over this MEM
DRY thing for the simple reason that 1
haven't and never did have myself, enough
of memory to last me from here across
the street Now, I'm an Internal, blooming
Virginia commuter, for and in expiration OF
my sins, SO that the fact that 1 haven't got
the memory of caterpillar makes It all
the harder for me. Every morning for the
past three weeks I've been solemnIy VOW
ing to my wife, before leaving for Wash
ington in the morning. that L d bring home
hash making machine or meat-cutter or
1 no fHsx- -no1i I'D
every evening, I've been hiking over to my
Virginia ranch without that COMPOUNDED
| hash maker-ravent been able to think of
the blue-blazed thing to save my pollywog
soul from everlasting perdition," and the
nervouS-appearing man stopped and mop
ped his clammy brow.
"Well?' said the young man behind the
counter in tone that inquired What's
the answer and what have l got to do with
your troubles?'
Threatened Desertion of the Home.
well" went on the jerky man, chop
PLY. I'm just about the point OF hav-
ing my once-happy home broken up on ac-
count of that blitherng hash-mashing ma
chine that I've been forgetting TO buy every
day for a straight three weeks Bling. it's
got so that my wife will hardly speak to
me when l get home of evenings without
that hash-maker, and if l forget to buy 1t
for another day or so it's a cinch that I'd
DS SbIliS HOtlie presently TO ma my plant
dismantled, furniture in cold storage and
note tackled on to the front gate inform
ing me that my wife had returned to the
sheltering abode of her mother
"Well?" said the young man behind the
Observation-Disclosures counter, wondering
apparently, what all the prelude was about
We'll, said the jerky man, Il want YOU
to send the 'rememberingest' and nerviest
whelp you've got on your books to my Of
fee" and he scrubbed his office address on
a piece of paper, ''at precisely half-past
four o'clock this afternoon. And I want
You to instruct him to bust right into my
office at that hour and minute, bawiing at
the top Of his voice: Hash-ma king ma
chine! Matchmaking machine. You've got
to go and buy q Matchmaking machiner
And 1 want that kid to keep right on howl
ing that at me as l pass out of my office
and along the street until I arrive at the
place where / am to buy the hash making
machine. l don't want him to stop yelling
that al me for half a second until he sees
with his own eyes that I've actually got
! the hash-maker in my hands and on the
street car with it-understand?"
The young man behind the counter grim
ned, took down the order and told the nerv-
Gus man that the matter would be at
tended to. At the hour specified he sent
well-mannered youngster over to the
nervous mans office. The boy politely men
toned the matter of the hash-maker to the
Virginia commuter. who jumped out Of his
chair, shook the boy warmly by the hand,
gave him half dollar as tip, and told
him 1t was a mighty good thing he had
come or the Matchmaking machine would
have been forgotten again as sure as
shooting.
Curious Uses for Messengers.
There wasn't anything so unusual about
that commuters request" said the young
man In charge of the messengers furnished
desk People hire the messenger boys to
do every old kind of thing nowadays. Few
days ago I sent @ kid in response to q box
call from a boarding house on K street.
The man who sent the call first made the
messenger boy wash his hands carefully,
and then he asked the youngster IL he
knew how to put the studs in a dress shirt.
The boy thought he could do the job all
right and he tackled 1t and accomplished
it, The man who sent for the boy to per-
form that curious task ts suffering from
ncipient palsy, / am told, and he couldn't
get the buttons in his dress shirt on ac-
count OF the violent trembling of his hands.
During this season. when the hotels are
filed chock-a-block. we get an unusual
nuuhar of requests for messenger kids
wanted for curious purposes. A wratny-
looking man stopping at q big hotel up the
street romped in here the other forenoon
"sSay' he spouted at me, I've been walt
ing in that Internal barber shop of the
blank hotel for about two hours now. try
ing to cop out a shave for myself ana / m
dinged sick and tired of sitting around
looking at upside-down copies of funny
weekIies, with about eight million rat
heads ahead of me for the BARRIERS chairs.
I'm going off to attend to some business
now, and I'll be back In that blank hotel
barber shop In about an hour and haH.
I want you to send one of your kids IN uni
form over there to nall place in the next
line for me. Just have him make out that
he's there for hair cut himself. and II be
over there when I get through my business
to take his place
ST picked out the right kind of kid
and gave him that pleasant loafing JOB
When the youngster strolled into the bar
Der shop he peeled OFF his coat and collar
and tie Just as IL making ready to be bar
bered when his turn came, and then sat
down and looked over the picture papers
It was a long wait, but he was just on the
point of being summoned TO his chair as
next when the man for whom he was saw
ing the next IN line swung in and took the
chair. Then the messenger kid put on ms
coat and things and left the shop Several
men who were waiting were inclined 10
buck about the thing until the situation
was explained TO them by the boss barber
and then laughed over the queer scheme
1.-THE AS electric train for Alexandria is
crowded to the doors every afternoon WITH
government department folks going 10
their homes in the old Virginia town, ana
that's why I've got q regular client, Wen
to-do Alexandrian who carries on his busi-
ness In Washington. who has messenger
Icx md rr1 n