davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Ocala evening star. [volume] (Ocala, Fla.) 1895-1943, 1906-01-20
UnscientiEc.

There was an old lady
Who didn't know beans.
She raised UP her windows
And took out her screens,
And then there came fitting
Quite leisurely in
A great big mosquito
That lunched on her chin.
She whacked at IL soundly
And knocked of its head.
And then this old lady
Took straight TO her bed
This funny old lady
Who didn't know beans
Still suffers from fever
Because she lacks screens.
The Ocala evening star. [volume] (Ocala, Fla.) 1895-1943, 1906-01-20
IMPERFECT DIGESTION

Means less nutrition and in cOnse-
qUeuce less vitality. When the liver
fails TO secrete bile. the blood becomes
loaded with bilious properties. the di-
gestion becomes impaired and the
bowels constipated. Herbine will rec
tify this Il gives tone to the stom-
ach. liver and kidneys. strengthens
the appetite. clears and improves the
complexion. iufUses new life and yigor
GO the whole system. 80 cents a bot
tie. Sold by all druggists.
The Ocala evening star. [volume] (Ocala, Fla.) 1895-1943, 1906-01-20
THOUGHT He Vas LACED.

''YOu know, the first man who ever
said the earth went round they locked
up"
What did they do that forg"
Probably they thought he had been
drinking. Doubtless they had noticed
the effect themselves"
The Ocala evening star. [volume] (Ocala, Fla.) 1895-1943, 1906-01-20

Big job in Ladies Hats. Our new
Spring Line will soon be in and we
want room. Touch the goods and you
will know the value. The Ocala Ba-
zar, Gadson.
The Ocala evening star. [volume] (Ocala, Fla.) 1895-1943, 1906-01-20
Worse Hurt.

THAT dentist gives me a pain"
'Why don't you take gas?"
''Oh, 1 don't mind the operation if he
would only give me an anaesthetic aft
er il is over and he proceeds to take
my roll away"
The Ocala evening star. [volume] (Ocala, Fla.) 1895-1943, 1906-01-20
No Consolation,

The judge gave him thirty days and
$50"
Poor man! He will spend the time
but some one else will spend the
money"
The Ocala evening star. [volume] (Ocala, Fla.) 1895-1943, 1906-01-20
The Climax.

She vds married in haste. also in a swell
dress
1t Just takes a second. you know. TO say.
Yes
She was married in haste. although now
Il appears
The fellow was counting her all OF three
years.
The Ocala evening star. [volume] (Ocala, Fla.) 1895-1943, 1906-01-20
Meals Also.

Does he give
way TO SeaSick-
neSSf"
Yes, he throws
UP his hands when
he feels il coming
on"
The Ocala evening star. [volume] (Ocala, Fla.) 1895-1943, 1906-01-20
So Larre Around.

att is her ambition to have all Of the
men at her feet"
"At that" murmured her rival, with
her sweetest smile, 1t wouldn't be IN
comfortably crowded"
The Ocala evening star. [volume] (Ocala, Fla.) 1895-1943, 1906-01-20

At the Variety Store next Mon
day, you viii find a $50 page com
position book for &C. You have
paid Ioc. for one Just like this.
The Ocala evening star. [volume] (Ocala, Fla.) 1895-1943, 1906-01-20
Coo5 Match.

4 see the telephone girls are raising
cOrns on their ears"
say. they ought 10 be popular with
the gentlemen with hayseed in their
hair"
The Ocala evening star. [volume] (Ocala, Fla.) 1895-1943, 1906-01-20
Humor Gue Philosophy
PERT PARAGRAPHS.
By DUNCAN n. SMITH

Excuses ought 70 be Ike good cloth
ing - made TO order and satisfaction
guaranteed
An object might be both ornamental
and useful, but you seldom find il
wrapped Up in a dress.
Some country horses that are not
afraid make il point Of honor TO shy
at an automobile.
The man who knows all about the
financial policy Of the country frequent
~ can't solve his own.
II Is well 10 cultivate a kindly feeling
toward everybody. but at the same
tine keep a wary hand on your pocket
book
The trouble with 50 many wise peo-
pie is that they are wise in the wrong
direction.
1t Is such a comfort TO remember that
you were well brought mp when you
are tempted 10 call a big fellow a liar
1t is no trouble 10 keep a good man
down when the flying machine in
veutOr comes along with an alluring
invitation.
The religion Of some people is all
right as long as it is in the show win
dow
The Ocala evening star. [volume] (Ocala, Fla.) 1895-1943, 1906-01-20
One Blot.

What is the witness reputation for
truth aud veracity:"
We'll. he goes fishing for two weeks
every summer. Otherwise il is very
good"
The Ocala evening star. [volume] (Ocala, Fla.) 1895-1943, 1906-01-20

At the Variety Store next Mon
day, you will have an opportunity
to buy a 800 page pencil tablet for
Sc Just think, 100 pages for &c.
The Ocala evening star. [volume] (Ocala, Fla.) 1895-1943, 1906-01-20

Come in and see our goods. If II is
in our line and you don't see ii. ask
for IL We have many goods not Yet
unpacked. OcaIa Music Company.
The Ocala evening star. [volume] (Ocala, Fla.) 1895-1943, 1906-01-20
HE ESCAPED THE POLICE
Former Manager of a Pensacola Store
Suicided in Louisville, Ky.

Louisville. Ky, Jan. pa special
from Henderson, KY, says J. B. Nix
son, formerly of Hopkinsville., Ky,
committed suicide at the Hotel Hen
derson Thursday night by shooting.
His body was found at ten o'clock
next morning.
He was 36 years old, six feet tall
and light cOmplexioned. He had a new
suit, case in which was found clothing
and some small personal belongings,
also a policy of insurance for $4,000
in the New York Life. payable to his
brother. and another policy for s15.0OU
accident insurance. There was a bark
book showing that $31S.6S had been
deposited to his credit in the Peoples
Bank Of Pensacola, Fla.
In the suit case was also found a
clipping from the New Orleans Plea
yune Of Dec Is. 1905. This clipping
was dated Pensacola. Fla, Dec. p. and
told Of the robbing Of Kress & Co.'S
store in that city Of $500 and other
valuables and saying that the store
was set on fire.
The Ocala evening star. [volume] (Ocala, Fla.) 1895-1943, 1906-01-20

our weather thermometers are cor
rect. both as 20 quality and price. The
POStonice Drugstore.
The Ocala evening star. [volume] (Ocala, Fla.) 1895-1943, 1906-01-20
The Real Old Man.
Everybody shirks but father.

Everybody shirks but father
He hustles UP all day;
Digs in his jeans to discover the means
Everybody's bills 70 pay.
Mother takes in lectures.
And so does sister May
Everybody shirks but father:
He has the bills TO pay.
The Ocala evening star. [volume] (Ocala, Fla.) 1895-1943, 1906-01-20
Woman Had Tilted Him

Pensacola, Fla, Jan. III 3. Nixon.
who committed suicide in Henderson
Ky. yesterday was we'll known in
Pensacola. where he had managed the
Kress store for the past three or four
years.
Just before Christmas the safe was
robbed and the building in which the
store was located was burned The
following day Nixon disappeared. De-
tectives have followed him through
California and other western states.
and. it is said, would have arrested
him today in Kentucky but for the
fact that he committed suicide yes
terday
II is asserted here that the woman
in the case" refused To- marry him.
and this was the reason ne took his
life.
The Ocala evening star. [volume] (Ocala, Fla.) 1895-1943, 1906-01-20

Excuses ought 70 be Ike good cloth
ing - made to order and satisfaction
guaranteed
The Ocala evening star. [volume] (Ocala, Fla.) 1895-1943, 1906-01-20

An object might be both ornamental
and useful, but you seldom find il
wrapped Up in a dress.
Arizona republican., 1906-06-17
WAY OF THE MUTE.

Have you noticed the interesting way deaf mutes have of designating people by nicknames? Sign language is al most universally used among the deaf now, and the system of spelling out words is discouraged except where ab- solutely necessary. In the matter of introductons. names. of course. must be spelled, but among acquaintances each one has a sign. pr. Chamberlain. manager of the Church Mission to Deaf Mutes in this city. wears long white beard, and is always described in con- Nersation by the gesture made as if strolSjng the length of his beard A woman whose hair is naturally crimpy is designated by a quick little motion of the finger in zis-zag line across the brow. The finger placed upon the chin in the spot where dimples are apt to grow signifies a woman who boasts of dimple in her chin. Various other plans like those mentioned are used by the mutes to save time and finger ex- ercise.-New York Correspondence of PittSburg Dispatch
Arizona republican., 1906-06-17
PRESCOTT SUBSCRIBES
 10 FAIR SHAKE RACE
Which 1t is Thought Will Be a Lead
 ing Speed Event.

J. C. Adams. president of the Terri torial. Fair association, and Shirley Christy. superintendent of the speed department, have for several days been i'll Prescott arranging for subscriptions for a stake race at the coming fair to be known as the Prescott stake. Ac- cording to the Journal Miner they have met with the success anticipated. Their efforts at Prescott were largely assist cd by s. w. HigIey, roadmaster of the :. F. P. & P. road. who has been an enthusiastic member of the fair asso- citation since it's organization In speak ing of the Prescott stake and the fair the Journa; Miner says:
 The race for this stake will be among the most attractive events at the terri torial fair, which will be held in Phoe- nix in November next. and as the Pres colt stake will be the largest amount hung up for a single event, It will no doubt be carded as an attraction for the free -for-al division. either pacers or trotters.
 The stake is one that business men may subscribe to literally for the req son that it is quite likely that they will not be called upon to pay a dollar or only q few dollars at the most. Four cities in the territory guaranteed stakes at the territorial fair last year and they were agreeably surprised to be in- formed after the fair was over. that no funds were necessary. rn spite of the extraordinary expense necessarily in cured in starting the enterprise. the association not only paid all of it's ob- legations but had a small balance in the treasury. Hence, Bisbee. Morenci Tombstone and Phoenix were not called 9 k though the stake is s15OO about $500 of that amount is assured by entrance fees. If the fair is the success it was at the opening meet, the various cities which have guaranteed stakes to rep resent them, will not be obliged to meet their subscriptions. If there is a deficit, the amount will be pro-rated among the various subscribers. and probably will not be more than one tenth of the sum subscribed.
 This year the fair will be bigger than ever, and as it attracts many eastern reople. there is a feeling hrre that Prescott should be represented by a stake and thereby incidentally take ad- vantage of the opportunity to secure some good advertising of the commun- ity.
 One of the creditable features of the fair management is that the directors are exerting every effort to make It territorial affair, and not simply Phoenix institution. In line with that policy. the various judges and other positions of honor are selected from outside points. while the positions where hard work is necessary are as signed to Phoenix citizens.
 Messrs. Adams and Chrsty inter- viewed only q few men here yesterday. and m a short time secured subscrip- tons amounting to $500. They are greatly encouraged. and are confident that the entire stake will be signed up today.
Arizona republican., 1906-06-17

may be called first class Aside from this, he is modest. sedate. studious, in dustrious and considerate; and his father simply adores him. It is almost pathetic to watch the elder statesman when the younger is on his feet in the house of commons.
 The old warrior, scared by many fights with the great men of the Victo- rian parliaments. sits up straight, nev- CT allowing his eyes to leave the ador- ed object ''I congratulate my right honorable friend the member for Edg- baston.' says MT. Chamberlain, in re- ferring to his son Cnames are never mentioned in the house except by the speaker when he wishes a member to know that he is in disgrace). and MT Austen" refers to his parent as my right honorable friend the member fo!. West Birmingham"
 There are people here who believe that a mans usefulness as politician is impaired by marriage, and that the member for Edgbaston will not be so great a man after the ceremony at the church. but I am inclined to scoff at the idea. There are and have been so many great men in politics whose mar ried life bellies il. Mir. GIadstone's wife was responsible for much of his power. for she looked after him. arranged his engagements and generally sponsored
Arizona republican., 1906-06-17
STATESMEN AND MARRIAGE.
Married Men Who Have Been Success
 fuI in English Politics.

There has been no more interesting news for weeks than the announcement of the engagement of J. Austen Cham berlain, M. p. to the daughter of Col. Dundas, d retired staff officer. The idea that MT. Austen has at last capitulated to Cupid after reaching his thirty-fourth year is fascinating to men and overwhelming to women. He is the most popular and most reticent of all the younger men in public life. In the first place. he is exactly like his eminent father He has the same clear cut, finely chiselled face. the keen eye. the firm. small mouth. the inevitable monocle and the ever present orchid in his coat lapel.
 He is the exception to the rule tha: a great man cannot have d great son. for MT Austen is exceedingly great in many respects. He has been the best chancellor of the eXchequer that this country has known for many gen erations. He was an ideal postmaster general, and while he falls short Of his fathers exceptional ability as a fight ing man, in debate, he is still so far in front Of his contemporaries that he
Arizona republican., 1906-06-17

leisure why they were so weak and foolish to bite at 1t.
 ''Fhe 'decoy letter is such a simple thing that the average citizen may wonder at it's effectiveness. or why the thief doesn't succeed in lodging it. IL Is the greatest silent thief catcher in use by men who hake 1t their business to apprehend their dishonest fellows. will always remain so. and doesn't need improving to insure it's stability in the criminal world
 There is an angle of delusion in mat ters criminal as in honest affairs, and thep ostal thiefs slant is that he thinks he will not be discovered; at the same time he knows perfectly we'll that com plaints of missing letters containing valuables are invariably made to the departments machinery for the inves- tigation is practically perfect. based upon years of experience.-Washing ton Star
Arizona republican., 1906-06-17
USE OF DEcoY LETTERS.
No Better Means Known fos Catching
 the Mail Thief.

There have been several arrests and convictions of local postal employees recently for mail depredations. and in discussing these instances a pos office inspector said:
 Although we use the same old bait in catching postal offenders, and the novice at the business and the old hand know what it is as we'll as we they keep on just the same until the time worn but deadly certain 'edcoy letter lands them high and dry in the peni- tentiary. to wonder and lament at their
Arizona republican., 1906-06-17
THE BRYAN BOOM.

The demand for Mir. Bryan is too evf- dently stimulated. Whats the game 9 New York Commercial.
 At this stage of the game, MT. Bryan IS the champion long distance candi- date for off-season indorsements- Washington Star.
 MT. Bryan has already carried Ar kansas, Indiana, Iowa, Missouri Ohio. South Dakota, and Colonel Watterson. Boston Glabe.
 The enthusiasm with which MT. Hearst views the Bryan boom in the middle west is rarely seen outside oi d funeral.-Philadelphi North Ameri- can.
 Mir. Bryan's circumnavigating letters may be pronounced conservative in freshness of interest and power of orig inal observauon.-St. Louis Globe Democrat.
 A Chicago paper has an article on How to Beat Bryan in 1908" One good way is to get him nominated on the Democratic ticket-Kansas City Journal.
 If the Democrats fail to nominate Bryan. Hearst with his municipal own ership nostrum, as bad as free silver, will have a walkover alone as Demo- cratic candidate.-Bingham Repub- lican.
 Now that former Senator Villas has indorsed MT. Bryan, it is to be hoped that nobody will be malicious enough to dig up MT. Villas 1896 speeches about Mr. Bryan or MT. Bryan's 1896 remarks about MT. NiIas.-New York World.
 The present indications are that when MT. Bryan lands next August in what he once called the enemy's country he will find it has become his own. As for the Republicans, they are quite content that Mir. Bryan should be the Democratic leader. They have been making history while he has been trav- cling around the globe. and they are willing 10 be judged by the history they have made.-New York Tribune
Arizona republican., 1906-06-17
c c C. .-=ExPEEs o.o.0s BLOOD HUMORs

Ghng dhgung erupons rashes bols etc. we'll pnpes hor n the blood These are being constantly thrown of through diseased and unsighy condition Nothing applied condition the blood pons and acids only treatment do this The countless
 
 blood and are useless except for the afford the blood S. is ood all hor from the circulation completely poson vital of
 
  the free
Arizona republican., 1906-06-17

him. Lord Beaconsfield. the success of successes. was married; so were Palm erston and Salisbury.
 On the othe" hand. the doubters point to the experience of Lord Mel bourne. to Charles James Fox. to MT. Parnell, to Mir. Balfour as proof of their contention. Parliamentary life. like journalism, certainly takes man from his home circle more than is usual with men wno live less exciting and exacting life.-Town and Country.
Arizona republican., 1906-06-17

A woman isn't very deeply interested in Q man if she doesn't read each let ter she receives from him more than three times.-Chicago News.
Arizona republican., 1906-06-17

No woman never misses an oppor- tunity to laugh at an old joke for a few weeks after getting her new store teeth-Chicago News
Arizona republican., 1906-06-17

There's no use telling a girl she's pretty; to do the work you must tell her she is the prettiest one you ever saw.-New York Press.
Arizona republican., 1906-06-17

A political pull is the only thing that keeps some Slen out of jail.-Chicago News.
The Waxahachie daily light. [volume] (Waxahachie, Tex.) 1894-current, 1906-01-25

He, George W. Smith Departs This
lite .. Colorado

Colorado, Tex Jan = 4, the @se
Of slstS year. Hon George " smith
passed awAy w@dHf sdaY
Judge Smith Was Hsstis.c Of Georgia,
bus moved to sfnith county. Texas, ~itn
bis parents few years before the war,
where he studied law and was admit
ted 10 the bar A few years after tha
war he moved from Tyler to Terrell.
and In 1854 removed 10 this city. where
except for bis official residence ia Aus
tin and four years residence IN Hous-
ton, ne has since resided. He was a
Confederate soldier In 1879 he was
elected county Judge Of Syaith county.
In 1852 b" was chairman Of the state
Democratic executive committee and
was secretary of state under Governor
Hogg from 1891 To 1895
About sour years ago ne wan STRIFE ken
with partial paralysis, from which he
never fully recovered. ana. suffering =
reCurrent attack early Wednesday
morning. died AZ ! o'clock IN the after
! noon without gaining consciousness
He is survived by his widow. two
Sons and two daughters. all OF whom
| reside here.
The Waxahachie daily light. [volume] (Waxahachie, Tex.) 1894-current, 1906-01-25
STATE PRINTER DEAD.
Cody Of Ed H. Smith Is Found With
Throat Cut

Austin. Jan. 24.--1n Pease park, just
west 81 the city the body of Ed II.
Smith. state expert printer. was found
Tuesday afternoon with his throat cut
from ear to ear, There was a note be-
side the corpse which read:
"-is responsible for this rash
deed. He acted too hastily" The
name in the note is that Of a printer
OF this city. but no one has any idea
as to what connection he has with the
death. or what is intended by the note
The death and note are both complete
mysteries.
smith was an inveterate smoker OF
cigarettes. but never drank liquor in
any manner. shape or form. His do
nestle relations were most happy, and
his work most satisfactory It is a
peculiar case He was forty five years
old and leaves a widow and one child.
Mr. Smith. who has been in i'll health,
was TO have resigned his position. He
served five months succeeding VIM.
s. Hughes. who left the state service to
accept situation with the state
Printing company.
The Waxahachie daily light. [volume] (Waxahachie, Tex.) 1894-current, 1906-01-25
c. q. pEAlEy VICE PRESIDENT
a ~. 1eIo & Co. prorress One Wei
Wcrthy 81 tre Horror.

galveston. lar "a AZ fhe auenai
meeting ~ the stos hhniefefs - = H.
reie & 20. ruhllsherr sfsd gr-prietars
o. the ,ialvesson aua fsallas News.
I'resl3 ns fisia an hehalf II she eosn=
rany fsrofresesi T, ~ lse4ses5 sisslstsss=
sis years connected 1stih {he s,,r Esern
tion. twenty fIvc of wnlch he has sseer
secretary ami treasurer wtth an ele-
giant gold n9e.iAl Nj relo paia a
sratefu tribute 10 she valuable SER
vices IT sir peaiey The recipient
was deeply moved
The record Of Mr.. Deatey's thirty tx
years ~ service elahor4seiy engro#sssi
on parchu1ant and handsomely bound
Ia green satin covers. was alSo pre-
scented 10 him
owing to ~ health r w. Denley
retires az secretary and treasurer.
Five directors were elected Az fol-
lows Alfred II Belo r. w. nealey. r..
Adoue. George r. Dealey and W II,
Elehlitz
Following the stockholders meeting
the directors met and elected the fol-
lowing officers for the ensuing year.
A II Relo. president q II. Dealey.
vice president John + LJbber, Sec
rotary and treasurer
Mr.. Lubben then presented 20 Mr..
Dealey q chest Of silver in behalf OF
The Galveston News force.
The Waxahachie daily light. [volume] (Waxahachie, Tex.) 1894-current, 1906-01-25
STEAMER WRECKED.
She Went Ashore on the Vancouver
Island Coast.

Victoria. T. c., Jan. PA dispatch
from Cape Beale says the steamer
Valencia, from San FFrancisco for the
orient. went ashore on the Vancouver
coast near Choose. The lighthouse
I keeper stated that 100 were drowned
Up to 3 o'clock Wednesday morning
details lad not been ascertained nor
the exact number of casualties. A
steamer left Seattle to render aid.
II is stated the Valencia had ninety
four passengers and a crew of sixty.
Nine men got ashore about fifteen
miles from NEE Two men are prison.
ers on the f;,oa of the cliff. and cannot
get up or doWH to the ship. 1t now
seems the Sc viii l<aly reach them
when the tide rises high. The men
report pathetic scenes. One woman
dropped her child in the sea in trying
to hand it to her husband. \ little boy
OF five was running around the deck
trying to find his mother. who was
among the drowned.
The Waxahachie daily light. [volume] (Waxahachie, Tex.) 1894-current, 1906-01-25
LEES CENTENNIAL.
General Grant Wants 1t Made Ma
tional Memorial Day.

New York. Jan. 25.-Speaking at the
annual banquet Of the Confederate
veterans camp of New York, General
Frederick d. Grant proposed an inform
al resolution that steps be taken i'm
mediately to make Jan. 10. 1907 the
one hundredth anniversary of the birth
of General Robert T.. Lee, a national
day Of memorial He spoke OF his
fathers friendship with General Lee
and OF the latter's heritage to the
country, in proposing the resolution,
which was adopted amid cheers. F.
Hopkinson Smith spoke to the toast,
old Plantation Days"
In his address he declared the suf-
fragc Of The negro was THE greatest
crime of the century"
The Waxahachie daily light. [volume] (Waxahachie, Tex.) 1894-current, 1906-01-25
BRIEFLY NOTED

REV 90 " Hisck sfopp~,i tss &C.
auApah T,s
onions truuud Laredo eerr uut a.aef
asnaxsd by late frreze
Mrs. Nelsoa fitr she 49, ta..sa
rsar CharrsH HiH tiea
thfashina machine fartnry wt 20
s.t4hlifh~ss at Enia Data
ffsHins tsssg sss rnaBasg to 90
un4r faFssle snt naau 3rawuszf
MAfoF t a Haekeff ham fevn Ap-
r~insNt .rufuis~luurr sf Antier~. l.
Secretary ar S~Hh af fss uklahss,-u
beard = agriculture sa fruit Nas rcs
hs-~r hurs
N~@r EAwtnn t3f5ss~r ffs8asrhy So
sAasF snhlFei hv the s. tsi~nsaf lns-
sfsAFxw ~ his saug-ar
~ r~ntH~. Frs- Iata M#.ssg Sc
rswa faa svH eswva taHfv aaya "a
~ -ta - asf-Nins rs~tuf