davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1906-05-08
STRUCTURAL MATERIAL.
Scientific investigation Is Being Con-
Quoted BY the v. s. Government.

To the Editor of The Age-Herald:
! I have read with a great deal of inter-
est your editorial in this mornings paper
| on Steel Frame or Brick" which is very
| timely. [ beg to quote you from letter
recently received by me. as a member
of the advisory board on the testing of
fuels and structural materials, from Prof.
]. A. Holmes of the United States geo.
logical survey. Under date of May l
! Professor Holmes writes as follows:
You will be glad to know that In con-
nection with the investigation of struc-
! tural materials. the different systems of
construction as affected by earthquake
shocks and fires are being especially in
vestigated at San Francisco for the ad-
vIscry board by Mr.. Richard NJ. Hum
phrey. the secretary of the board. and
Capt. John S. Sewell Of the army engin-
eerlng corps, who has during the past
few Years been experimenting a consid-
cradle amount of the government building
work here in Washington. Mr.. Humphrey
has just reached San Francisco, and Cap
tain Sewell will leave for there in a few
days. In these Investigations they will
be Joined by Mr.. Hunt who is the rep
resentatIve there of the supervising archi-
toct's office of the treasury department,
and Mr. G. Gilbert. one of the biologists
of the geological survey. The results of all
OF these investigations will be embodied
in a special report which will be sub
United to the director of the geological
survey for the national advisory board
and if the board so desires. will be sub
mitted to President Roosevelt"
The personnel and reputation of the in
vestigating committee at San Francisco
is a guarantee that the research will be
thorough and practical. and the report
will be awaited with interest not only
by the advisory board but by the general
public, which. as stated in your editorial,
has lively interest in the solving of this
great problem In building.
When the report has been completed and
submitted, I shall be glad TO have copies
furnished the local press for the publica-
ton of such portions as they may deem
of Interest to the public. In this eonnec-
ton I trust that the press of our entire
country will urge upon Congress the pass
age of the bills now before 1t appropriate
ing the necessary funds for the interior
department to continue the very valuable
tests of fuel and structural materials
Yours respectively, JOHN W. SHELLEY.
Birmingham, May l. 1906.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1906-05-08
From the Washington Post.

IT HE always valuable and amusing
(U department of agriculture is
about to enter a new field of ac-
tivity. The announcement will be hailed
with enthusiasm by a country already
out of conceit with excitements that have
become shopworn. 1t is no longer possible
to infame the public mind by promises
of new discoveries in horticulture, pres
eryative acids, fungoid granulation, de-
natured milk. ensilage, pip, phones, etc.
Those once thrilling subjects have had
their day, been taken up and squeezed
dry. They have gone to join the Guate-
malan ant, the foot and mouth disease.
Angora goats, and other played-out ques-
tions in that dim, mysterious limbo from
which no withered fad has ever yet re-
turned.
Hon. Sydney E. Mudd the Sweet Singer
of Maryland, has come to the rescue
lust in time. The department scientists
had begun to wonder what they could
do next in order to produce a valid
raison d'etre. The great American pub
lie had lost interest in hog colera and
peach-blows. The tempest over free gar
den seeds had subsidized to a more zephyr
People had ceased to care about |Secre-
tary Wilson's plans for studying the
pinon In Italy and Greece after hearing
that the nut is produced in lavish pro-
fusion throughout Arizona, New Mexico
and southern California. Altogether, 1t
seemed optic probable that the country
might soon begin to wonder what the gov
eminent proposed to do with the several
hundred head of scientific experts in its
employ. Hon. Sydney E. Mudd, therefore,
interviewed at the psychological moment
when on Wednesday last. he offered an
amendment to the agricultural bilr' call
ing for an immediate and uncompromising
Investigation of the French tobacco mo-
nopoly and its Injurious effects upon the
Maryland industry.
1t is now proposed that Secretary Will
son shall rally around him the whole body
of the unemployed department scientists
and move upon the French government
In force That government has wickedly
taken charge of the entire tobacco bust
ness within the borders of the republic.
fixing the purchase price Of the import
ed raw material and the selling price OF
the manufactured article in all its forms.
Mr.. Mudd shows that. under this ruthless
and despotic arrangement, the indignant,
not to say downtrodden, tobacco growers
of Maryland cannot get more than cents
a pound for their product in France.
whereas the grooming cigarette smokers
of that unhappy land have to pay $l5O
a pound to the remorseless octopus which
has monopolized the market. Both the
Maryland producer and the French con-
sumner are thus subjected to a monstrous
cruelty. The sweating husbandmen of
Prince George and Anne Arundel are
done out of the just reward of honest
toll, and the looted handles of Paris are
forced to smoke their cigarettes so close
that the boulevards and cafes chantants
of the once light-hearted capital have
come to smell most devilishly of burn
ing hair.
1t is obviously condition not to be en-
dured with patience. Carping persons in
our midst-traitors. slaves. assorted viii
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1906-05-08
COMMENTS. ON MEN AND
MATTERS OF THE TIMES

fl HAVE fallen upon evil days., said
Love when seen by a reporter yes
terday There was Time" he
continued, when the world valued me
for myself alone but l have been CONNER
cialized and now | am an object for
barter and sale Alas the romantic times
when susplring lovers neither slept nor
ate, so great was my spell when upon
them; when maidens fair pinned away
and grew thin when once they yielded
to my power. There was a time when
my rule was supreme in many parts of
the world but where do l stand today?
Out in the cold ! am locker on in
Vienna, as 'twere. I am written about
and interviewed by the poets, to be sure;
literary folk use me as a convenience,
but my prestige in the workday world
Is dimmed. Who hears nowadays of low
ers who can not eat and sleep comfort
ably when the object of their passion is
not near? Who hears in these degenerate
times of maids who lose weight for love?
In sooth, they wear armor on their
hearts and I was my ammunition to no
purpose. Do SWANS STAY dragons in my
cause today and scale inaccessible heights
for my sake? DO lgallants assail castles
or fight in bloody jousts for Cupid? Par
don me If say, NIX! They do not This
is a coarse, callous. mercenary age. Love
is a pastlme with some, a mockery with
others and a convenience with most. 1t
goes to the highest bidder and when
youth meets in the marts of affection the
cry is not, Have you heart?' but How
much are you worth?" So saying, Love
sneaked off into the woods, seeking
pair of rustics whom he hoped would not
prove worldly wise.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1906-05-08
REFLECTIONS OF A BACHELOR.

From the New York Press
There's a lot of satisfaction in being
dissatisfied with everything.
The kind of garden a woman likes is
one where she can be photographed with
bunch of flowers she bought in town.
Even the policeman who arrests a man
in an automobile for violating the law
treats him with respect for having it
to do it with.
A girl always thinks If she sings when
she has to sweep the front piazza some
man will come along and want to marry
her because she has happy heart
If a woman is scared half to death
about her husband who didn't get hurt
In an accident, he can scare her still
more by sending her telegram which
she will be afraid to open.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1906-05-08
NEW UNDERTAKING FOR
THE COMEDY DEPARTMENT

lains generally-may argue that our tariff
laws create in effect an American mo-
nopoly, not only as regards tobacco, but
in respect of every product or manufac-
ture known to Christendom. They will
sheer and gloat and otherwise exploit
their inherent and insurable depravty.
We can even hear some bitter cync with
taste for scading aphorism mutter in
his beard. Hoist with our own petard."
But Mr.. Mudd has struck the keynote of
patriotic overture. The American peo-
pie, from President Roosevelt down to
the humblest barker on the circuit, de-
claim against monopoly, denounce trusts,
blister combinations In restraint of trade,
and in all other ways impale and brandish
the octopus for the execration of free,
enlightened people. As one man they will
arise to encourage and applaud Secretary
Wilson's firm advance upon the embat-
tied wickedness of the French govern
ment Owing to circumstances over which
we have no control, our own government
is conducting a somewhat thriving piracy
az the expense of the rest of the world
We regret but, for the moment, cannot
help 1t. That Is no reason, however why
the department of agriculture should not
rebuke persistent turpitude in others.
Let us hope that Secretary Wilson will
organize numerous and impressive force.
We can spare a whole lot of government
scientists at this time, and even il they
were all comparatively busy we should
realize the superior Importance of the
expedition. How could they give tn 49,
try better service than by going ~
bunch and letting the French ire.
ment know in plain language VIII, 'sQ6 !
rotary Wilson and Congressman III
really think of them? And consider, be-
sides. the benefits they themselves would
reap In consequence. The Foies Bergeres
would loosen them up amazingly. At
the Tour d'Argent they would be made to
realize that life has more desire 30 things
than germs, bacteria, and pI e.ol isFags.-
1t is conceivable even, that afie j bfief
but busy run-in over there ter fa3
return inspired to new and grc1tsr seielt-
tlfic research. They would nc reln ana.
convince the French governr Ill fla
wickedness. still less of our reni 60 ir-+
ture in the premises; but they wsula eea.s
back feeling pretty cocky --a-d-7sia
knows?-they might evolve a Ds1q geruf
or discover new ny.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1906-05-08
Reduced Rates.

1.-THE reduced round trip rate to Bir-
mingham which the Southeastern Passen-
the Methodist general conference will
doubtless bring thousands of visitors"
said member of the Commercial club
AT first the reduced rate applied only
to Alabama. but now 1t is extended to
a number of southern states. The general
conference will be in session until the
latter part of the month"
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1906-05-08
RAINY DAY TRAGEDY.

A certain man of modest mien
Was heard to loudly swear
He reached our for his new umbrell
And found 1t wasn't there.
at is pure spite-work." said Spring yes
terday when asked about the cold snap.
time in the lap of Winter, flirting with
the old man when | should have been
about my duties. OF course l had to jilt
him at last and he has not forgiven me
the slight. To be sure she continued,
stroking violet. "he has done no harm,
save to superinduce some colds and make
the flowers SILVER, but 1t is annoying to
have disagreeable weather mar the pleas
ure of my votaries even for a day. The
coquette must ever pay the penalty of
her indiscretions.
What's in a kiss?' asks a contemporary.
Nothing, unless the right person is behind
it.
Senator Penrose calls Senator Tillman
an ass. Nothing of the sort. Mr.. Till
man is a South Carolinian.
Now that Standard Oil has retained a
press agent at a salary of $4,000 year,
the public will be given some actual facts
regarding a little known octopus.
Thank heaven, there will be no more
adulterated noodles!
The shade of Casey was talking-he
who was at the bat. Curses on him who
handed down my name to obloquy.' cried
the vexed spirit. II have been sport
for the masses, a byword and a mock
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1906-05-08

Postmaster General Cortelyou de-
sires to have commission appointed
to define the phrase, "a bona fide news
paper" No one in the postoffice de-
partment seems to know a newspaper
when he sees it.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1906-05-08

The concealed weapon has been re-
sponsible for nearly all the tragedies
in Birmingham. This town to its
shame, has had many terrible object
lessons within the past few years.
With the pistol toting habit stopped,
homicides would be few and far be-
tween.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1906-05-08

The Russian parliament is assem-
bling. and its members will soon be
engaged in making history-history,
too, that will affect and interest the
entire world.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1906-05-08

The pistol habit must come to an
end, If Birmingham would take rank
as a law-abiding city.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1906-05-08
JUST A MAN.

JUST A MAN.
He didn't go to church and pray
His sinful soul to save,
And when a fellow asked for help
None marked the sum he gave.
He wasn't much for etiquette,
He didn't make show,
And all the kindness that he did
The world will never know.
The Pharisees proclaimed him bad,
Or else eyed him askance;
The leaders of society
Dismissed him with glance.
He passed away, as people do
His work was at an end.
gaunt sad-eyed humanity
Bemoaned him as a friend.
The hammock advertisement is abroad.
The hammock joke is about due.
Fairbanks Monday. Don't forget
the date. PAUL COOK.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1906-05-08

The Standard Oil should refine it's
methods, even If it has to devote all
its refineries to that purpose.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1906-05-08

Bombs are still thrown in Russia,
but the one thrown in Moscow hit an
aide instead of the governor-general
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1906-05-08

Newspaper men handling the con.
ference come in contact with so many
preachers that they don't care to take
a drink. Several of them are dry.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1906-05-08

Nelson Wilmarth Aldrich studied
baseball scores while the President s
message on Standard Oil was being
read
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1906-05-08

The Longworths are going to see
King Haakon crowned. Haaky should
also secure Richmond Pearson Hobson
to make his crowd complete.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1906-05-08

In length of name and title Commits
sioner of Corporations James Rudolph
Garfield shines conspicuous.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1906-05-08

Frauds seem to be chronic in gov
eminent lands but Secretary Hitch
cock is endeavoring to bring all known
offenders to trial
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1906-05-08
RAISE ELEPHANTS IN

Los Angeles Correspondence
Sun.
Edwin Cawston's success
triehes at South Pasadena
capitalists who have formed
to establish an elephant rar
to breed elephants to sup
slant demand from menager
The men who are planning
ranch have figured 1t all on
isfied that it can be made tc
The climate of South
been found to be suited to
it is said elephants will thi'
climate. Mineral Park, a {
section adjoining South Pa
ostrich farm, is a naturs
as elephants have a fondr
is large enough to accom-
Of 200 or aaietk
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1906-05-08

All that Henry II. Rogers asks is a
chance to work off the jokes corked
up in him.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1906-05-08

Let every good citizen constitute
himself committee to agitate against
the pistol toting habit.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1906-05-08

The chief plutocrat in the Senate,
Senator Clark, says he will not accept
another term.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1906-05-08

The Big Stick seems to have fallen
on John d. Rockefeller In wigless
hour.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1906-05-08

President Roosevelt is getting to be
almost as good a phrase maker as
Samuel j. Tilden was in his prime.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1906-05-08

China should not be expected to
open doors to those who are intent
on slamming doors in her face.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1906-05-08

The tornado has been dwarfed by
the earthquake.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1906-05-08

The Standard Oil seems to consider
the presidential bark worse than the
presidential bite.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1906-05-08

H. H. Rogers is convinced that the
President is a dangerous socialist, but
his term will go on to March 4, 1909,
Just the same.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1906-05-08

John D. III. will have to be very good
If he expects to grow up TO be Presi-
dent. He will have to live down two
aucest ors
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1906-05-08

Maxim Gorky is sick and having a
hard time in the United States. The
fates seem to have conspired against
him.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1906-05-08

Oil Kings, to be sure, can do no
wrong.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1906-05-08

The electric flatiron is a handy de-
vice, but will be responsible for many
fires
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1906-05-08

The flag Of the Coal Barons is still
at the peak, o, Pirates.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1906-05-08

Mark Twain is again wrestling with
bronchitis.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1906-05-08

The Car spoke sweet words to
Count White, but they were only sugar
coated
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1906-05-08

The practice of burning widows con-
tinues in India. Over here they are
proposed to.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1906-05-08

With the support of real American
millionaire, DR.. Dowie should be able
to swim out with ease
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1906-05-08

The vegetable gardens and all other
green things are growing to beat the
band.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1906-05-08

The engagement of Mcwade versa
Pierce Is now on.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1906-05-08

Nearly as many cranks are working
on the problem of aerial navigation as
were at one time attempting to solve tha
problem of perpetual motion.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1906-05-08
Large Crowds.

with the Grand Lodge of Alabama,
Independent Order of Odd Fellows. con-
vening here today, and the Methodist
general conference already in session,
Birmingham will have a greater number
of visitors within it's limits than ever be-
fore" said an old merchant. THE gen.
eral conference. with several hundred del
egates, brings very large number of
visitors and the Grand Lodge of Odd
Fellows will mean at least 500 visitors. All
in all it is reasonable to say that fully
three thousand people outside of the city's
population will be sheltered here today
All the visitors are welcome. 1t would
be a good thing for Birmingham If the
crowds were twice as large as they are"
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1906-05-08

1t is surprising how little we know
about the weather.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1906-05-08

Standard Oil needs whitewash out
put as big as Niagara Falls.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1906-05-08

A man who started out to read,
A magazine. by heck,
Discovered such lot of muck
He sank up to his neck.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1906-05-08
About Persons.

Jacob Pepper of Selma is stopping at
the Hllman.
W. w. Dees Of Greenville is at the
Metropolitan.
John Anderson Of Alton, ILL.,, is at the
Morris.
L. NJ Hill of Louisville is registered at
the Birmingham.
7. o. Eastman of Selma is stopping at
the st. Nicholas.
II. Fl. Kemp and d. NJ Mel of Ozark
are registered at the Metropolitan.
James Spencer of Tuscaloosa is at the
Hillman.
Ben E. Duncan of Dadeville is registered
at the Birmingham.
James Spence of Tuscaloosa is stopping
at the St. Nicholas
A. G. Forbes of Montgomery is regis
tered at the Metropolitan.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1906-05-08

The drink habit is said to be decreas-
ing among re great middle classes.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1906-05-08
LIFE.

A little work,
A little play,
A little sor-
Row by the way.
A little wealth,
A little sleep,
Some little laws
We have to keep.
A little fame
For some of us,
Who blow a horn
Or make a fuss.
A little time,
A little love,
Some go below,
Some go above.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1906-05-08
A1IRED

Silence is golden. When converted
into cash 1t is hush money"
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1906-05-08

cry! And yet the ordeal would be less
severe if there were some means whereby
! could silence parodists. The original ac-
count of my failure is bad enough, but
what can l say of the parodies-yea,
thousands of them-turned out by tina
baseball poets? What have done to de-
serve such a LOTT" Turning away, Casey
wept a quantity of tears.
STAND IN LINE BELIEVERS.
Stan in line. believersl
De debbil make yer quake.
Jes recolleck de story OBJ
Mis- Eve an dat OF snakel
Stan in line, believers
An fear II keep yer good!
Jes call ter mind whut happen ter
OF Noah in de flood!
Stan in line, believers,
While prayin' in de vale!
An don't fergit de mis'ry OBJ
OF Jonah in de whale
Stan in line. believers,
An wrastle wild de wrong,
De 'Postle Paul at Antioch
Preach mighty loud an long!
Stan in line, believers!
De time am DRAWN nigh
When sinners pc will trabble too
De Ian beyon de sky.
The picture of Julia Marlowe appears In
a contemporary as that of a chorus
girl in a thirty-cent opera company. As
the picture has been extensively used
to advertise Peruna, 1t is quite familiar.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1906-05-08

Now that Standard Oil has retained a
press agent at salary of $4,000 a year
the public will be given some actual facts
regarding a little known octopus.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1906-05-08

Thank heaven, there will be no more
adulterated noodles!
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1906-05-08

Senator Penrose calls Senator Tillman
an ass. Nothing of the sort. Mr.. Till
man is a South Carolinian.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1906-05-08

What's In a kiss?' asks a contemporary
Nothing, unless the right person is behind
it.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1906-05-08

Entered at the Birmingham, Ala, post
office as second-class matter unosr act
of Congress March 3. 1873
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1906-05-08

A certain man of modest mien
Was heard to loudly swear
He reached our for his new umbrell.
And found Il wasn't there.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1906-05-08

No communication will be published
without its authors name Rejected man.
uscripts will not be returned unless
stamps are enclosed for that purpose.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1906-05-08

Washington Bureau Age-Herald l4Sl
street. N. W.