Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1906-02-01

Fittsburg and End them, and grant
their demands. and get them to go to
work.
Pa was sent out to find a bunch oil
them, and it cost pa over $50 to get
them out of a beer garden, and back
TO the lot, and it was almost daylight
before we got our train started for the
next town.
Well, at the next town we could See
there was something the matter with
the animals. They acted as though
they had lost all interest in the sue
cess Of the show, and wouldn't dc
any OF their stunts worth a cent. The
elephants went through their act
carelessly, and when they we're scolded
or prodded with the iron hook, they
got mad and wanted to fight, and when
they got back from the ring to tho
animal tent they wouldn't eat the
baled hay, but threw it all over the
tent, and acted riotous.
The kangaroos would not do their
boxing act, the horses kicked at then
hay, and wouldn't eat their oats, the
camels growled at their food, and
scared the people who passed by where
they were tied to stakes, the sacred
cattle got their backs up and acted
as though they, being pious, couldn't
swear, but would like to hire the by.
enas to swear for them; the giraffes
laid down and curled their necks SC
they were no attraction to the show
cause a giraffe is no curiosity unless
he stretches himself away up towards
the top of the tent. The zebras rolled
in the mud and spoiled their stripes
SO people couldn't tell them from com
mon mules; the grizzly bear walked
his cage, and kept giving vent to beal
language, and the big lion was howl.
ing all the time.
The show was a failure at that town
and when we loaded the train the
managers held a meeting in our cal
to decide what in thunder was the
matter with the animals. All kinds
OF theories were advanced, such as
poison, malaria from Indiana, and
pure c~ussedness. After they had dis
cussed the matter awhile, pa came in
and they asked him what he thought
about it, and that tickled pa, cause
as foolish as he looks, he helps the
show out of lots of bad holes. Pa
lit a cigar and put it in one side of his
mouth, put his hat up on one side OF
his head, like he was tough, and
looked wise, and said:
Fellow fakirs, l have been watch
ing the animals all day, and while !
do not say they understand enough of
the ways of human beings to be post
ed on labor unions, and all that, !
want to tell you they are on a strike
and that grizzly and that lion are
the walking delegates that are stir
ring them up to mischief. They may
not know anything about the team
sters' strike, but they know something
has happened, and they are displeased
at something, and they have lost re.
spect for the employer. They are on
a strike, and the very devil is going to
pay tomorrow, unless the cause OF
the dissatisfaction is discovered, mu-
tual concessions made, and arbitration
resorted to.
Gentlemen, you hear me-" said pa
and he sat down on the edge of the
arm of the car seat.
They gave pa the laugh, bur finally
told him to take charge of the strike
ana settle it quick, but they wanted
to know what he thought animals
would be dissatisfied about, as long as
they got food enough to eat.
Pa said: "Fll tell you. You feed
the horses and other hay-eating ami.
mails on musty baled hay, bougil;
from contractors that may have had
II on hand for five years. How would
you like it if you were served with
breakfast food that had been stored
in a warehouse until it was widowed!
A horse or an elephant has feelings
Give them baled hay, and when they
are trying to pick out a mouthful that
is not spoiled, you drive along with o
load of nice new-mown timothy or al.
falfa, and see them make a rush for
that load of hay, the way my ten-horse
team did the other day for that load OF
cornetalks. Then the sacred cattle
are hot under the collar because oil
the .sellows who use profanity. Can
you Imagine a sacred COY trying to be
good, and set a pious example to the
heather animals, being patient when
they have to listen to swearing? You
buy meat that is tainted for the lions,
who like fresh meat, and the jacKal,
that only loves bad meat, gets the only
sirloin in the lot. Let me u the
menagerie tomorrow, and | will have
Mr.. Lion, the walking delegate, declare
this strike Off"
Well, they told pa to arbitrate the
strike, and the next day he had a
couple of loads of timothy hay, such
as mother used to make, driven IN
and unloaded, and the horses, eie-
plants, camels, and things almost set
up a cheer for pa. The m~eat-eating
animals were given a picnic of the
freshest beef, with a little so decayed
that it vas only fit to be buried, for
the hyenas and jackals. and every
animal was happy. They did their
turns better than ever, and the sacred
cattle almost acted devilish.
Now the animals have declared the
strike off, and they want to lick pas
hand. The owners of the show APP
preciate genius and they have raised
pas salary and given him full charge
Of the m%enagerie.