St. Johns review. (Saint Johns, Or.) 1904-current, 1906-02-23

W" "oeu .NiSk oodP'
I'll bet four dollars 1t was another
case of Alice in Wonderland
Wonder II il is settled now as to
who shall get up and build the fire
Mick or Alice?
I wonder If Alice ever thought
that in a half century she'd d have
the very old Nick" for a hubby
Now the George Washington
hatchet can be used to smash the
unpretty valentine you received
last week.
II seems to me that the Alice
Nick-golden-spoon business ought
now to be given a rest. II has
really been nauseating to Teddy
and me.
When Mrs. Yerkes denied her
second marriage with the declara-
ton that Il "was perfectly absurd"
those who knew her new husband
fully agreed with her.
Now that the railfcnce Is doomed
when the future mobs are escorting
a victim ''out OF town after adorn.
ing him with feathers he'll have to
clothespin length Of gaspipe.
There are some things that scien.
lists cannot do They can pro.
phesy an ECLIPSE one hundred years
ahead-but ask them what a woman
will do or say next and they'll have
to give II up.
Because a Philadelphia man grew
six inches taller in his fftieth year
is no sign he had his leg pulled.
Those Philadelphia people are so
slow that Il Is possible he put off
growing till he saw how other
folks did.
In Wallowa county man named
Gaily is candidate FOR Office. I'd
suggest the following slogan for
him; Don't he sad; this candidate
should he aforementioned daily:
then at the polls in happy mood
vote Gaily, Gaily, Gailyl
AT Cottage Grove members of
the Campbellite church object to
paying 2Sc tank for water for
baa,ismal purposes: and the Leader.
of that place, declares that II the
price is too high the church should
adopt baptism by sprinkling.
by q new ruling the prisoner
who swearS IN the Portland police
court will receive an extra fine.
Permission is still given for the
cnlprit To 80 out on the street and
swear at the police court. That
the diff between lin" aud "at.
Sunday night the motorman on
I9S blew loud ''toot, to toot toto
o-o'o-t" in imitation of victorious
rooster. Many OF the passengers
were IN quandary as to whether il
was an indication Of sunrise or
hint tina, another egg was born
la Muscat women (gool.looking
ones, at leasn are forced to wear a
sort OF a muzzle which prevents
their opening the mouth-or talk
ing To any great extent. Needless
to say some OF those foreign coun-
tries can give America a great many
good pointers on how to rule.
She was a sweet young thing and
Charlie took her into Portland to
see Woodland" After the per
formanee the couple went into a
restaurant Tor an oyster cocktail.
In explaining TO "mama" she said
"the entertainment was very fine
and the oysters in the rooster
narrative were just too splendidm
Dear, modest little girl
a nice mothers club can be
make from piece of Oregon fir "a
inches long, three inches wide and
four 'eighIs of an inch thick. One
end should be whitfield down to
handle, Should be welded with
the right hand-unless the mother
is leithanded, Spread the offspring
across the knees with the face
down and apply rapidly to that
portion OF the anatomy least liable
to be sunburned. Highly endorsed
by old King solomon, Susan b.
Anthony, Mayor Lane. and many
others.
The best woman's club" | know
is a round stick about four and one
hall feet long, with a lot of broom-
corn arranged artistically and evenly
at one end and securely fastened
there. This is taken and moved
carefully and frequently over all
the fioors-the soft end being down:
then II is elevated aud the soft end
IS attached 10 all the cobwebs in all
the corners of the house-thus
doing away with unsightly objects.
Correctly used woman's club of
this sort is great success. Ses
sions should be held every morn
ing.