Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1906-01-27

"OA ASAANAIdIS ulllSeII OH udNluS saw
ed human life. If he happened to be
In the store when a woman asked for
DoraX he would advance with a smile
on his face and saw:
Madam, are you sure it is borax
you want?"
Eyes, sir"
at isn't carbonate of sodaP
''NO, sir"
be sure, now. / don't want to see
you make a mistake. Perhaps it is
alum instead of boraX you want"
mo, SIR
"All right. Go ahead but if any
tnlng happens, don't blame me-"
When the woman had become flHs-
trated and departed without her borax
L would read Mr.. Bowser a lecture on
the benefits of a man minding his own
business, but my words would roll off
like water poured on to ducks back.
After hanging about the store for three
months he got to believing himself
quite doctor and was prompt to rec
ommend remedies to ailing customers.
He even went so far as to call on a sick
man and prescribe for him, and, al
though the county medical society took
1t up and made it cost him $50, he was
not in the least discouraged. On as
many as ten different occasions l have
bounced him out, but only to have
MIN return after a day or two. Three
months ago he began complaining of
his liver and helping himself to small
doses OF my French brandy. Then for
the first time 1 saw my way clear and
blded my time. He came in the other
evening just as the mother of five chill
dren was asking after castor oil. l
shook my head at him, but he couldn't
keep quiet.
Madam, is the castor oil for chill
dren?' he presently asked.
Yes, sir"
You are sure they need itw
"Oh, yes"
Wouldn't citrate of magnesia be
better?"
4 don't think so''
well, perhaps you know best, but I
hope no tragedy will follow. If it
wasn't for the professional jealousy of
the doctors I'd call and see the young
sters and tell you exactly what they
need, but, as it is, you must take your
own risk. This is pretty bad weather
Tor funeral PROFESSIONS
The woman left without making a
purchase, and l changed the brandy
jar on Mr.. Bowser. She had hardly
gone when he began talking about his
liver and making his way behind the
counter. | heard him smacking his lips
over the brandy, and five minutes later
he called out:
'Say, doc, is that a fresh stock Of
brandy?"
mo; same old thing"
''It has left a queer taste in my
mouth"
THAT comes from your liver"
''Yes, 1 guess it does, but
A couple of minutes went by, and
then he suddenly sprang from his chair
and shouted out:
Thunder and blazes, but I'm cramp-
ing all up!''
"Do you want castor oil or sewing
machine oil?''
''Whew-whoop! Say, by thunder
'WellY'
'Doc, there's something wrong with
that French brandy. I've been poi
soned, and I'll bet a hundred dollars to
a cent / have! For heavens sake, stir
your stumps and give me a remedy
"How could you have been poison
ed?" l asked
''Never mind, but give me remedyw
/ gave him one. l took the greatest
satisfaction in preparing and admin
istering it and running him outdoors.
A crowd soon gathered around him as
be hung to a lamp post, and while he
was being guyed couple Of policemen
came along, and one said to the other:
Here's an old jay with a jag on.
Ring for the wagon, and in he goes"
And the last l saw of Mr.. Bowser he
was seated in the hurry up wagon and
being driven off through the twinkling
night. I think l have evened matters
up with him, though 1 feel sorry for
Mrs. Bowser if she has been put out
any.
BOWSER'S FAMILY DRUGGIST,
Per M. Quad.