Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1906-03-10

through eur midriT, and most Of the peo-
Ile we know-whlch means quite a lot Of
hundreds. II not thousands-who have
Washington all their lives have always
been purity toi'abie. thank YOU" In tho
matter of health with the exception OF
occasional snufffes or colds I'm the head. or
.spring fever accompanied by yeaining FOR
book. OF other little ailments of that KIND
which. we understand, are not tdtogether
unknown In any region In this hemisphere
True, Some Have Passed Away.
true, some of us here IN Washington
have died right along every year. But.
though we are not yet OF or from Missouri,
somebody has got to show US that the
grfsly old chap with tho leveiing sickle or
eythe, or whatever the name of the snick-
snee tool may be, has camped exclusively
In Washington. and has done all OF his
direful stunts on the banks OF the Potomac.
We have even been reliably informed that
folks occasionally die right out yender In
the Ozarks-but. sh-shi we didn't start out
to knock Aurora, but to account for the
downfall OF our own town.
And then, too. we have been told the
moral and political health OF this capital
has been In "haw able''-yes, jes haw BILE
state for ever so long. II has been likened
to Rome during the degenerate period Of
the Roman empire--thats a great figure
with the very new young correspondent
who come to Washington. and who. after
fnnaiing the noxious ephyrs Of the capt. al
for as much twenty minutes. start In
to writing letters to the hum papers
about the political vfleness and moral cor
ruption prevailing here.
Il whole heap of novelists male and fe-
male. too. who have come to Washingt0n
to make social and political studies.' OF
the capital, and some of them remaining IN
Washington. established in some 'Steenth
aS n IA
as month for that purpose. have told US
that Washington was Just the stockings
place ever. viewed from any angle OF
morality. This was always a difficult thing
for US to understand. but we always had
to believe il. nevertheless. being prstty
soft meat in the hands Of these fiction
writers who got their little bunohes OF
royalty money In advance for their "forth-
coming novels OF Washington life
When we read these attacks upon the
moral and political health OF Washington,
therefore. we were obliged TO conclude that
the morally and politically unhealthy ones
had been rniraculously shrewd in keeping
under cover. as IL were, and out OF the
ken of our observation. We've been fr1y
oling around Washington for more years
than we like to think about. being some
what sensitive as to this increasing age
thing, and the moral and political lepers
have for q sure thing been the acute ones
In hiding from US. In the course OF the
long period comprising our residence IN
Washington we are compelled to acknowl-,
some queer fish. But simple candor forces
us to acknowledge that we've had the same
experience In a whole lot OF other places.
They Say Such Saucy Things.
But, now that the modfshly dressed maga-
zine boys and the novelists and the riders
on the hanky-panky rubber-neck wagons.
and, finally the vociferously accusatory
three or four from the Oarks have told
us that there isn't any moral ozone or
oxygen in US. what's the answer They
all ought to know, that's certain. Tho
answer must be that we've been pokins,
around here In a sort Of trance all these
years. We. In fact. have been obsessed
by the belief that little old Washington had
a leaning. IL II leaned any way. toward
extreme conservatism. not to say smugness.
in its manner of living and in the viewpoint
of lot of its residents, and we've been
particularly irritated by this belief on some
Sunday mornings when we've fruitessay
tried to get q shave here.
But we're all wrong. and blind In the
bargain. what's the use?
Half Of this population, II seems, then,
is made up OF wild. registering, "wine-opens
ing" pursy, self-complaisant lobbyists.
who entice wouldAbe-respectable but sorely-
tempted representatives into poker games
and lose hull quarts of thousand dollar bills
to them as salve for their votes. and who
herd aged and dotardy senators up In dark
corners and slip 'em something in return
for their understanding ayes In COM
mittee or on the Senate floor. Queer how
this jostling. elbowing pack of lobbyists
has kept out of our line of vision all this
long time. We've got to go see an opticiau,
that's all
And the town, so we're told from Peoria
and such-like thronged centers. and also
by the toffily-dressed young gentlemen who
tndict us and all our works in the one-dime
magazines. is permeated with a brilliant
bunch of dark-eyed. violet-diffusing su-
perbly-dressed and groomed female lobby.
lists" who sweep sinuously through the
corridors of the evil Capitol at all hours
of the day and night. lavishing their lovely
teeth-showing smiles upon the Reuben
legislators, and probably scratching
matches on the high heels OF their low
cut Oxfords wherewith to light their cigar
cites, they do in the plays. and thus
coping out votes for the sinister schemes
of their employers, or on the other hand,
knocking to eternal smithereens legislation
virtuously framed up for the good and
benefit Of the "pee-pul."
Missed the Charmers.
Here's where we've been blind again, and
yet we've always had a sneaklng idea that
We had pretty good eye for superb crea-
lures of this sort We've never seen any OF
'em, around the Capitol or anywhere else
In Washington, but we've got to believe the
novelists and the magazine boys. haven't
we? True, we have seen. in the course Of
q long spell OF years in and around the
Capitol, quite large number Of rather
frayed and frazzled old women prowling
sadly and hopelessly around under the
great dome. trying Intellectually to get
their member or senator to introduce
some kind of wholly imaginary claimS
measure. But as for the AspasIas and
Zenobias and Cleopatras and Messalnas
and queens OF Sheba who lightly swirl in
and out of the committee rooms. we must
just have been wearing automobile goggles
all the time because we've never so mucF
as clapped airy an eye upon one of them.
And SO on, and so on, to the end or
Washington and the world and the waters
beneath Washington and the world. We
are compelled TO admit IL. We've been
blind, that's all.
And now, for our blindness and our men
tai opacity, we've got to go away out
yonder to the OZarks and begin life all
over again!
Washington. n national capital, is to
go into involuntary liquidation, and the
manacal midnight cry Of the loon is pres
entity 20 be heard over all Of these aban-
doned scenes that we have loved and
cherished so well. Macaulays famous pill
grim from New Zealand Will not only lean
upon a broken arch of st. Paul's In London,
but he will breathe sigh over the crum-
bling ruins Of the Washington Capitol, and
Ito HuIf 31s .Tu- Of ftaa