The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1906-03-04

born in. 1t was a land lowln' with mint
I juleps and bloomn' with purity gals. 1t
was the country of the fox hound and
dinner horn, the dance and serenade, the
birth place of eggnogg, and picnics, the
cline where all made merry and hospital
ity was boundless. We ust to fight jess
because 1t reminded us that here warn't
where heaven was located. Ginnully the
scrlmmages was between the common,
ordinary citizens but sometimes a men,
Der of the aristocracy would git his dan
der up and go to war, greatly to the de-
light of a enthusiastic audience.
81 recollect one scrap of that kind,
wherein the participants was two of the
high-tonedest blg-bugs of that day and
ginerashun. Each of EN- owned niggers
by the hundreds and land by the league.
| Both were Baptists and democrats and
neighbors. was alters together, and got
| along as peaceful as a chu'ch. They was
as thick and friendly with each luther as
two thieves. their relations thataway ex-
ctin ginerul talk In a admlrin' way in
! the settlement causin' EN- to be named
''Deymun and Piteous," after a couple
of lovin' pards what fed out of the same
pan together in the Mexican war. Kun
mel John Deymun and Major Albert
| Piteous owned admin plantations and
every day they visited each other, talked
| much politics and disposed of number
of fine cigars and mint juleps.
THE mistakes of the wings alters
proved a heap exhileratin' as a topic for
these pards, and when they'd git ON this
subject they shore would hist in the mint
juNps. On every theme started between
them they was completely unanimous
and their close friendship was good to
look at. 1t had begun in kdhood. got
stronger In their college days, and as
grown pussons 1t was stronger than ce-
ment.
But bye and bye there was little rip
in the warp of their friendship which
treatened to tar open the whole gyar-
ment. 1t was one of these yere fool COW
laws which a eediotic legislature passes
at interyals-a statoot preventin' horned
cattle from runnln' at large. Now Kun
mel John owned a valley farm. with no
range for cattle, protected with about
ten miles of fencing. and. of course. he
favored the stock law, but the Major had
untold miles of mountain range where the
grazing was fine, not needin' any fence.
tharfore he was agn It,
THE fust outburst happened one spring
evenin' when niger reported to the
overseer and the overseer passed the news
on to Major Piteous that one of the
Majors cows was impounded in the lot
of Kunnel Deymun. This we're purceedin'
was like red flag to a bull to the Major,
and so he purceeds to git organized for
war. Dustin with mad, Piteous spraddled
over to the Deymun mansion, and OBJ
sarvin' Kunnel Deymun sittin' TRANQUILITY
on his front poa'ch, he bawled out to him
In stentorian tones: Git often that
poa CHI, Deymun, and come down here and
explain this outrage to met
"Deymun got up. sorter lazy, santered
down to where Piteous stood by the gate,
and lows: Come in AL. and less have err
jewip.'
"Jewlip. nuthinn bowls the Major. I've
come over here after my COW, and I'm
going to git her. or have blood, sahr
"Lookin surprised and hurt, Deymun
stiffened up a little and said: AS you
make 1t matter of mperious demand
my reply is, that you can't get her, sah
unless you first pay the lawful charges
for impoundin' her.
:" Pay. yer granny furiously whooped
Major Albert, I won't pay cent, unless
1t is to pay fine for whippin' every
thing on this place. I'll have that cow.
or lick everything with two legs on this
plantation
4" Now see yere, Piteous' replied the
Kunnel. you can't bluff me- | didn't
know l had your COW. but I'm no more
afraid of you than of an old woman
"'Who's an old woman splutte~ed the
Major. 1f,Tm an old woman throw it
back in your teeth that you are an old
fool
F." DO you mean to insult me, sah? re-
sponded the Kunnel unconseiously adj
vancing step toards his irate ma Dor.
" Insult, nuthin', howled Piteous
doublin' up his fists. you can't be In
suited you are an old granny, and I can
mop the yearth with yer,'
Stand back sternly exclaimed Dey-
nun. slightly pushing against the Shout
der of the advancin' Major.
"'Ar har! you'd hit ME. would yer?'
roared the Major, amin a blow at the
proboscis of the Kunnel, but falln' short.
Take that, you old rhinoscerousH
snarled the Kunnel, maxim a lick which
was lodged, and fannn' nuthin' but air.
"Arter glarin' awhile both these boilin'
jewlarkers ciinched and walked aroun'
In the dusty road dom each luther no
harm, but BLOWN like. a spreadin' adder.
Thar was reoks and bean poles handy.
but they warnt used; fact is, 1t looked
to man up a tree as II these old pards
didn't want to hurt one nuther much.
Round and round they cirkled. Rugged up
mighty affectionate, and bye and bye
Majors foot hung under a grape vine
roof when with a mighty wrench he
jerlxed loose from his antagonist and fell
sprawling fat of his back In the dust.
The impetus of the jerk also flung Kun
mel Deymun, and thar they lay, side and
side, glarin' at each other and arter
awhile each Teller gazed on his own per-
son. Kunnel John had undoubtedly sor-
ter laid II on to the Major as that gents
nose looked like busted tomato, and a
leetle blood on his face give him the likei