The midland journal. (Rising Sun, Md.) 1885-1947, 1906-06-29
TALES AND ENDS.
BY ALLEN PAYNE.
BITTEN FOR THE MIDLAND JOURNAL.

BY ALLEN PAYNE.
WRITTEN FOR THE MIDLAND JOURNAL.
BOMB s. ILs.
Uncle Sam has four times as much fun every
Fourth of July as the President has on the fourth
day of March every four years.
It's impossible to in-fuse good behavior in the
shooting cracker.
Uncle Sam is long in the legs and can beat any
other country going in the long run.
How much safer the cracker would be if it
hadn't string to it.
Now let Uncle Sam put on his Union suit.
Pity the man who shoots a feather off the
American eagle.
When Uncle Sam handles gun he always sees
to it that the other fellow get the butt end oft.
The big stick is the only thing that prevents
the small boy from placing cracker under the
President
There are lots of women who would like to
know the brand of powder Miss Liberty uses for
she looks as young as she did 50 years ago.
In the discharge of your patriotism. if you get
crippled, Uncle Sam will not include you in his
visiting list every three months.
The American eagle has pulled more than one
hair from the tail OF the English Lion where with
to build her nest
When you take into consideration the i'm
portance of the day it would be pretty hard for
Uncle Sam to match it.
The signers of the Declaration of independence
were perfectly willing to put their fists to it.
Don't worry Uncle Sam will never discard
his plug hat for panama.
If there are any children born today among the
rich they certainly ought to eventually become
patriotic airs.
Sister Susan had a rocket
She'd like to see it soar,
1t struck her in tender spot,
And now it's her that's sore
The sal-o-o-n-keepers cash drawer will grow
full today while the customers are getting full.
By and by their hide will get full and then the
physicians will have their hands full. 1t isn't
hard to discern where the biggest full comes in.
The saloon is a dangerous place to be around any
way for the proprietor is liable to throw out a
bum, while many will get shot.
This being cracker day it will naturally receive
quite send off.
The Declaration of Independence was signed
with a quill but it was never recorded in history
whether it was from tail feather of the American
eagle or not.
Straws tell which way the wind blows but you
never can tell which way the cracker is going by
the fuse.
Uncle Sam was born with silver spoon in his
mouth and it does appear as if the Commission
has the loan of it in digging the canal.
1t it wasn't for the spurs in Uncle Sans boots
the grafters would catch him by the heels, and
turn him upside down so as to enable them to
grab for the cash as 1t falls from his pockets.
Gunpowder will this day be of great assistance
to many man in letting himself loose.
This is not the only day that some half shot
sons of guns will shoot off their mouths.
Politicians have an idea that ii they feed Uncle
Sam on plenty of taffy it will give him cholera
morbus and they will thus be enabled to work him
both ways.
Civil service prevents a man from having his
head cut off by the politicians because his work is
neatly executed.
Graft is a boil on Uncle Sans neck and it is full
of corruption He is ashamed of his subjects but
it prevents him from dropping his head.
The small boy can fire away.
With more safety today,
He has no fear.
That he can scare,
An automobile.
The goddess of justice will remain blind folded
today but the small boy would like to stuff her
ears with cotton and pull the bandage little
further down so she would be unable to even
SMELL the powder
Uncle Sam still uses the old Cleveland-Thur-
man bandana and the graftsrs are heartless they
would take it if they'd get the chance and would
not care if he had nothing whersw ith to blow his
nose not even the end of his shirt.
You never hear Miss Liberty asking. "Is my
cornucopia on straight
The memory of some of the officials and clerks
of the railroad corporations. which have been
under recent Investigation. brilliant, that
the Jail is no At place for them Uncle Sam should
to it that they are placed in the Cabinet.
With all this honor to Uncle Sam hts head will
not get too big for his hat. This however. cannot
be said of many of his subjects
The small boy monkeys with the toy cannon
and white crepe upon the door denotes com
plete surrender.
Uncle SAN is slow at love making, for he has
been making goo goo eyes at Miss Liberty for
years.
The Republican party will use its utmost efforts
to prevent friendly relationship between the
American Eagle and Democratic Rooster before the
next Presidential election.
When any other nation treads on Uncle Sam s
corns 1t makes the white squadron look black.
If Bryan. with q wreathe of silver laurel upon
his brow. were to enter the Capital City today,
astride the democratic donkey. someone would
surely place lighted cracker meath the animals
tail
loAnAy had giant cracker,
match he thought he'd save;
he lit it with fire fly,
And now he's in his grave.
The man who is not like other men, is not u.s.
ually liked by other men.
The man who does not bury the Ratchet still
has an axe to grind.
You can't we'll pump man when he is off the