Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922, 1906-11-11
PATRIOTS WITH A THIRST
Plenty sf Ripe Recruits to Take the
Cfio.sl Whisky Test
HosOLANO READY tOR The SACRIFICE
Unique Assortment OF Applications
for Membership OF the Alcohol
squad Planned by Cow
eminent Chemist.

Probably Dr. Harvey W Wiley. chief
6hemst CT the Department OF Agriculture,
ia not know that hooos, stationary ana
pgfipatetic. read the newspapers. lie
knows II now.
DR.. Wiley, an urbane though not a eau
tious man, announced about ten days agO
that he was about TO enter upon a series
Of experiments TO ascertain the exact ef-
fects Of alcohol upon the stomach. Last
year he tried boracic acid and other food
preservatives upon husky bunch of young
fellows, who came to be known as the
poison squad, and who were willing 10
take a chance OF any old kind OF acid
properly mingled up with food that they
weren't required to pay for
Or. Wiley had to 90 a bit Of hunting
around last year to organize his poison
squad, but he isn't going to have any
trouble in assembling his poison squad
this year, with alcohol as the bait.
In announcing his contemplated expert
ments he allowed It TO be understood that
he would try on his victims all OF the
standard brands Of WHISTLES, brandies, gins.
runs, cordials. wines. beers and ales In
less than two days after this announcement
was printed in the newspapers, the tip got
out all over hoboland that Washington
which 60 put in the approaching winter.
Hobos at once began TO drop In on DR..
Wiley at his office. Or. Wiley is polite
almost to the point of oleaginousness. For
two days running he received the candi-
dates for the alcohol test He's quit It
now, though.
There's a messenger armed with heavy
curtain roller stationed outside of Or.
Wiley's door now, and the only way any
jbody can get to see the chief government
chemist is first to send the doctor a photo
lgraph by mail The photograph is turned
Aover to the messenger on guard, and II
ME- messenger recognizes you as the orig
inal OF the photograph he'll let you in
Otherwise he'll wave the heavy curtain
roller at you, and then you'll so away
from there.
Candidates for the Crown.
When DR.. Wiley reached his office in the
Department Of Agriculture on the morning
following the announcement OF the in
( vestlgation he found one of the candidates
for martyrs tomb waiting for him in
The hall. This one had the general ex-
terror Of Roaming RILEY, the Travelling
Thirst, and he shufied right into the ONCE
In the chemists footsteps.
Hey, Doc" he inquired hoarseiy. is
dis booze gag o. yourn on de level?"
Please make your question a little
clearer suggested the chemist. who Is
something of a precisian and shy on col
loquialisms, Whit do you wish to know p
Dis suds t'ing.t elaborated the chemists
red-nosed visitor. DIS frame up Tn
after readln' about where you're goin'
Z try L pickle a bunch o rum eaters. How
bout It? Does it so%'
Or. Wiley started some evasive reply,
to the effect that he had considered some-
thing of that sort, but that he hadn't en-
tlreiy arranged the details, and that
"Oh, Doc, let's begin now" put IN the
visitor with an ingratiating grin on his
face, and the chemist had to back into his
private Office and close the door before
that candidate would take the hint and
his departure.
An hour or so later another applicant for
enlistment in the new poison squad sham
hled into the chemists ONCE. He was a
thin, peaked one Of the shabby genteel
variety, albeit the sawdust of the last
barrel house in which he had reclined still
chung to parts of his rairnent
Butting In.
'Er-have / the distinction Of address.
ing the famous DR.. Wtey?" he inquired
as he shufiied up to the chemists desk and
rested his hands on the edge of it.
DR. Wiley blushed and confessed to h.
name
/ "fcr-ah-hum-am l TO suppose" gran.
/ diloquently went on the peaked one i'm.
raling the wrlgging chemist with his dshy
l eve, that the reports which have reached
Y me with reference TO your projected ex
perimentation with alcohol In it, appica.
hon to the human system-er-ah-hum
am / to suppose that these reports are &C
curate or merely another specimen of tn,
metricious vaporings OF a lying press?"
Or. Wiley stated that he hLnself ha,
given out the printed statement and tn
newspapers had quoted him correctly
Then. sir said the peaked one with
a flourish and a toss Of his name. II am Will
\ you heart and soul IN your generous an,
praiseworthy effort toward the advance
ment OF the cause Of humanity. Needles
of the advice, nay. the tears Of my rela
tlVes and friends. I resign myself into YOU
hands well assured. as am that"
What part do yonu propose taking 4
the experiment I have in niud?' somewhs
dryiy inquired the chemist
The most dmeut part of all. sir
promptly replied the peaked one eth
part Of one OF the voluntary absorbsrs q
the noxious and deadly drugs which me
take into their systems, and"
Well | shouldn't think you'd hnd tina