davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1906-02-18

time Influenced the classes Of 1896 and
1903 to choose clock for B and A
rooms.
The class Of 1897 left the large desk
for Professor Greer Is Office, while 1898
selected the artistic frieze picture of
the Canterbury Pilgrims, framed in .
dark, rich wood.
The enthusiasm and success Of the
Central in winning athletic trophies
inspired 1899 to purchase a mahogany
of Winged Victory. The present num-
Der Of silver cups shows how well Cen
trail has sustained its athletic reputa-
tion. Not as class memorial, but an
interesting piece of work by the manual
training department, is: a case for the
yearly pictures Of various athletic
teams. This is convenient place for
the "rogues' gallery" as it is some.
times -laughingly called, and also pre-
serves the wall space for larger pictures.
! The class of 1900 selected four pic
lures illustrative Of American life; the
domestic and social sides are Washing
! tonian views, as well as courage, shown
in the .Crossing of the Delaware :
scene. Freedom S phase is the reproduce
ton Of the Boston Shaw memorial,
from the civil war.
The class Of '01 left three pictures
representing the three phases Of law,
justice, wisdom and power from the
New York appellate court. A statue
Of Minerva was the contribution of
'02, and '04 marked the graduation
Of a January midyear class, with a pic
ture of a German forest. The June
seniors left three pictures symbolizing
Industry, Instruction and Devotion.
The class Of 1905 left double gift
two pictures, Standardization and a
sibyl Of Michelanigelo; also three
extension bookcases with books for the
English literature department.. To this
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1906-02-18
HYours MerrIIy,"

The prize winners selected by w.
I, Nolan and his selections Of the best
stories contributed In this weeks
competition are here printed In the
order Of their excellence. according
to his Judgment.
The J journal repeats It's offer
OF IS, first prize; SO, second prize, and
81, third prize for stories submitted,
which Will reach this office by Thurs
day next. Those that come later
must be passed upon In the following
weeks competition.
Stories submitted must be Of hu
morous character. not to exceed 800
words In length. written on one side
Of the paper only, with the name Of
the writer and his or her address at
the top of EACH story. Initials will
be used as signatures IT requested.
New stories and true stories are to
be given the preference In the award
of prizes, but old stories retold In the
writer's own words will be consid-
t cred. Do not send clippings, for they
will not be considered. Omit intro
/ ductIons or explanations to the edl-
4 tor. Stories will not be returned. so
! do not enclose stamps. h J o r.
/ n a reserves the right to print any
of the stories whenever 1t pleases.
Address "Best Story'b editor, Jour-
/ nal, Minneapolis, MINI.
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1906-02-18
White Rabbit Whisky.

a Kentucky colonel, down at Louis
vile, one evening rounded up the
crowd at thirst emporium and told his
guests to "nominate their pizen.''
"a tall and typically southern planter
from Pike county ordered e. Scotch
highball. This seemed to thrill the
colonel with CONSERVATION. Rushing
to his friend, he thus protested:
What can you mean by such a rad
;ical departure from your raisingq
You We been drinking white rabbit all
your life, a Scotch highban will Kill
you! ZOE /. .s].=z5 81.
I, What is white rabbit9' asked an
innocent northerner. 49, =
e. s.t White rabbit = replied the
colonel, lis wildcat corn whisky, two
drops Of which hypod chemically injected
into a white rabbit viii make him walk
on his hind legs up to a bulldog ,ane
spit in his face" III. j. Rostad.
Spring Valley, Wis. ST.: ..ssz.
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1906-02-18
oh. Memory:

! There is no. doubt that the tying Of
piece Of string around the finger is
a really good aid to a poor memory,
but there is we'll authenticated ease
of. a man who tied a piece Of thread
around his finger in the morning to re-
mind him to get his hair cut. On the
way home to dinner that evening he
noticed the piece of thread.
All, yes, I remember, !" he said, and
smiling proudly, he entered the accus-
toned shop and sat down before the
accustomed barber.
80 yes, sir, = said. the barber, puz-
lied inquiry in his tones.
z FIfh yes; eutsmy hair, please =
commanded the absent-minded one
scurtly.
g Why, certainly, sir,,if you wish il, .
said the barber. But you won 4
mind my mentioning the fact that ]
cut your hair this morning, will youa'
e.
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1906-02-18
The Positive Sort Of a Man.

A lively looking porter stood on the
rear platform Of a sleepingcar, when
a fussy and choleric old gentleman
clambered up the steps. He stopped
at the door, putting, and turning q to the
young MANN inform, said: !.
ssPorter, i IN going to. ST. Louis, to
the fair I want q be well taken care
Of I pay for it, Do you under
stand go. II .3s$
!, 20 q Yes, sir; but, =
$ Never mind any butts, ou listen
to what Il say. Keep the train boys
away from me. Dust me off whenever
I want you to. Give me an extra blan-
ket, and if there is anyone in, the berth
over me, slide him into anot Their 81
want you to 49, --3 : 800
. But, say, boss, - 7;.-5'.' @
Young man, when I'm giving in
structions I prefer to do the talking my.
Iself. You do as 7. say Here is a So
bill. u want to get the good of 1t. Not
a word, sir. -. B
The train was starting The porte,
pocketed the bill with a grin and swung
| himself to the ground
All right, boss!.,, he shouted. g Yor
can do the talking if you want to. I N
! powerful sorry you wouldp t let me tel
/ you-but / ain going out on thai
train -Ruth Irvine. Il
1907 Portland avenue.
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1906-02-18

Of 1900 purchased Minerva, 1902 EN-
bellished the new assembly hall. The
English literature library was fur,
nished by the combined gifts of 1904,
consisting of a rich oriental rug, a
bench, bookcases and table in Spanish
cak, copper ornaments, section OF
Abbey's Holy Grail, and Burne-Jones'
Hope. A balcony overlooking the up
per hall was converted into a very
attractive rest room by 1905, and to
the substantial furnishings was added
Winged Victory, on the stairway. The
mid-year class Of 1906 left fine clock
for the A room.
The North High
The first two classes graduated from
North high were those Of 1912. un,
der Professor Greer, in what is now the
Logan building. Since then. Professor
Hobbs has occupied the principalshil
at the present building, graduating
4 about 800 pupils.
1 The class Of 1891 gave table, TO
1.-THE assembly hall, and '92 the oa]
chair with leather finishings, which ha
now become of historic interest, hay
ing been occupied by William McKin
ley during the republican convention
held in Minneapolis in 1892, at tn
exposition building. The ample hall
Of the North high with wall tints o
pale ochre, form pleasing setting TO
pictures and statues. The memorial o
1913 was a statue of Venus and bar
ouet lamp; '94, telescopes; '95, tn
largo clock in the lower hall; SO,
Greek frieze and busts for the assen
bly, hall, and 'e7, piano. While a
the buildings have several instrument
|. this is the only one placed as a elias
Y gift. Three pictures Madonn
3 Roman forum and colosseum and
r statue of Nike were given by the 8
It class; 1899 decorated the stage OF a
is sembly hall with two large silk flag
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1906-02-18
THIRD PRIZE
This story gets So.
Third Prize-This Story Gets SO.

I once knew man named zeno, who
was with circus. Business had been
bad and at the end of the season szeno
went to the manager for his salary The
manager said: I m very sorry to keep
you waiting, Zeno, but we pay alpha
betically. If you IL be patient, you II
get your turn
So Zeno waited few days and went
to the manager, who said: Tim very
sorry, Zeno, but the money gave out
before we got to y. s. rs
The next season, zeno went out with
the same show. When the manager saw
him he said 50 How do! you do, Zeno9 ~
= Don It call me. Zeno, = he exclaimed
81 We changed my name to Ajax, -
HI. j b.
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1906-02-18
The Lady from Boston.

The Duke of Argyll has rather. q pref
ty. wit, and some years ago he was trav-
cling in Canada on hunting trip. He
had been roughing it fairly hard, and
looked very begrimed and weather.
beaten when he got aboard a Canadian
Pacific train, about twenty miles from
Manitoba, and sank into-a seat beside
ia fine young lady from Boston.
Don't you find a too-utterly pas
sionful sympathy with nature S most in
carnate aspirations among the. sky-top
ping mountains and the dim aisles Of
the horizon-touching forests, my goot
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1906-02-18
ways have SO much trouble with re
gender of re English words -
w. j. B.
SECOND PRIZE
This story gets So.
Pats Long 'fLape.'

Last summer when excursions were
being run from Providence to New
port, R. T., an incident occurred that
created considerable laughter. Pat
Mcclure, small, good-natured Irish
man, was hurrying down the street to
the wharf, when he met a few friends,
who talked with him until the boat
was about to start. Pat ran down the
street, and as he reached the wharf,
the boat was pulling out into the
stream. Not intending to get left, he
made jump, just cleared the rail, and,
landing heavily on his head, was rem
dered unconscious for a few minutes.
When he recovered he stood up,
looked back at the wharf, and ex-
claimed: HJabezl What a lape! ''tas
u. G.
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1906-02-18
A Resourceful Undertaken.

A certain undertaken had been called
to the home of a wealthy citizen. Upon
viewing the remains of the departed he
discovered that the man wore a wig,
which because of the reclining position
fell back and; showed the bald head.
'e" Madam said the undertaken, ri
see that your late husband wore wig,
and / presume it q. is, not generally
known; SO if you will kindly have a
small pot Of glue sent me, I will arrange
the wig so that it will be .unnoticed' =
The widow had no glue, SO after
some delay she approached the under.
takerswith a bottle of mucilage.
Oh, never mind now he remarked
Econsolingly, g I-erI found tack!
IF. II. Mel.
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1906-02-18
The Lid On in Minneapolis.

It was the first Sunday that the
n'lid' was on in Minneapolis: At police
headquarters there had been quiet
day. Suddenly the gong sounded, and and
out went the, wagon. Down Washing
ton avenue it went, and drew up be-
side the throng. The cause for the
excitement provedsto be only plain
drunk. With a little assistance the
non-prohibitionist was given a seat
inside. +,
t Off the wagon started ION its return
trip. Cries Of IS hold! !" stop
q watt arose and in the shouting
were distinguished the words - Oh
please stop! just long enough so we
can find out where he got it. =
| IN. L. T..
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1906-02-18
<gy Martha G. wells.)

IN a recent address to q m1dyear
graduation class, DR.. Jordan, SUI
perintendent of the Minneapolis
public schools, made loyalty the key
note. Perhaps nothing better indicates
4 the attitude of the pupils to their
schools than the substantial gifts which
each class leaves at the conclusion OF
its study course, when one CLEAN of
Joy lights every eye, one proud emotion
throbs in every heart.
The year 1887 initiated the custom in
Minneapolis, when the Central building
was adequate for those preparing for
higher education. Since the other three
high schools have been organized, they
have all shown the same generous fidel-
ity to their alma mater. The funds
for the purchases have been almost
wholly from class entertainments and
the memorials have been for both util-
ity and decoration. Perhaps the for
mer predominates, especially as the
crowded condition Of buildings makes
Furnishings perishable, and the selec-
ton has turned to a choice of more per-
tmanent nature and Of artistic, educa-
tional value.
Furniture, books, clocks, pictures and
statues are shared by all, but they all
have but one art work in common, that
being the cast of Minerva, goddess of
wisdom. Of heroic size, and one OF
these was private gift for a deceased
son, not from class.
At conservative estimate, the gifts
aggregate about $4,000 cost, but of in
expressibiy greater value is the spirit
tof loyalty, good viii and culture, which
they represent.
At Central High.
! At Central high the classes Of 1878
gave silk banners, which were used as
long as the assembly hall was main
tained for great occasions. Instead OF
7 perishable textures the class of 1889
gave the sold clock On the stairs, "a
which has ever since marked off the
swift hours. summoning the ever-in
creasing ranks Of the timid to fearful
failure or the brave to bold triumph-a
great procession of youthful aspirants
for the higher planes of responsibility
The choice of 1890 was q mahogany
desk, carved with an elaborate border
Of leaves, and the Greek motto, 'Know
thyself'' To this 1891 added chair
Of the same wood and design, botf
used for the assembly hall platform
The portraits of Dr.. Bradley and Pro
fessor Crombie were very suitably thu
memorial of 1892, as the removal 0:
one and death Of the other closed thei
valuable services. - s.,'...
In 1892 Professor Greer was trans
ferred from the North side to Central
and during the fourteen years of hi
principalship, including the present
about 1000 pupils have graduated,
In 1898 the class gave the busts Q
Washington and Lincoln, which deco
rate the wall Of the stairway on eithe
side Of the large clock.
A desk for the use of the room the.
occupied by Professor Sanford wa
given by '94, and a library table wit
two chairs have "'95' carved O.
them. .F-s-s
Perhaps being taught how to valu
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1906-02-18
WHAT MINNEAPOLIS BOYS AND GIRLS HAVE DONE FOR
THE HIGH SCHOOLS FROM WHICH THEY WERE GRADUATED

A picture frieze for a stair landing
was chosen by both 1900 and 1901, the
first being Sargent IS Prophets and
Abbey's Holy Grail; the second, the
Development Of Writing. Two stair
landings were furnished with Spanish
oak window seats by '02; '04 added
another frieze picture to assembly /,
hall, and '03 and '05 each gave two
tables for reference books.
The South High.
The South high graduated its first
class in 1892 from the Adams school,
the present building being unfinished
The first principal was Professor Jor-
dan, who was the same year promoted
to his present position of superinten-
dent of schools Professor Sawyer
opened the new building, remaining
until 1899, being succeeded by the
present principal, Professor Ozias. In
addressing this years class, DIR. Jor-
dan spoke of the growth, from the
first small class to- the 126 of the
1906 seniors. More than six hundred
have graduated in the past seven years.
The first memorial, of 1892, was pic.
4 ture of the Forum; 1893 gave clock
for the A room, as did 1903 for the
main hall.
Recent pressure for room has neces-
stated the subdivision of assembly
hall, but for decoration of that 1894
/ gave the picture of San Angelo cas-.
tie; '95, the statue of Minerva, with
busts of Lincoln and Washington,
'96, two large mahogany chairs for the
platform. The class of 1917 left for the
A room casts of Della Robbia g sing
ing boys and pictures of Holmes and
!, Shakspere. The classes of 1913 and '99
, each gave frieze pictures.
The graduates in 1900 made de-
, parture from the usual gifts by hav-
, ing A room frescoed, placing gas fix
| lures from original designs, as well as
e the stained glass in the upper part of
( the eight or ten windows. In this APP
piled art they designed symbols of
knowledge, making the torch of truth
conspicuous. The office was furnished
n with chairs, desk and pictures by the
/ class Of 1901. The class of 1902 gave
= pictures from Simmons three phases OF
r the law; 1904, furniture for rest
p room, which from present lack of space
g can only be used for emergency.
The memorial of 1905 was larg
u reference table with upright exten
* sions. holding the busts of Longfellov
IS and Milton, in the main hall. mos
V- convenient piece Of office furniture
n :, the cabinet for pupils records on tn
=, :, plan of card catalogue. It is PROD
1 1s uet of the manual training department
If NOT a gift.
or Many Journal Prizes.
~ ~ In all tin buildings are most attra'
b. tive pictures, which have been wo
n g as Journal prizes, but as they hay
m. each except CentraEbeen used a Pc
III ton Of the time for eighth grades,
to Is little difficult to determine Ju'
Iss where the most credit is due.
"a A complete list of class nemoria
a has been made possible only thru I'll
es courtesy of the principals and teae
as ers, as there is no permanent recor
gs. and many are unmarked.
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1906-02-18

Customer dom It like to be spoken
to like that.
Salesman-Yer don'tl Well, whatcher
stopping the wheels Of trade furf Did
YOU ever see real HAITI
Customer-That g enough. Good-day,
sir.
Salesman-Just wait moment, sir;
recognize you as the ticket seller at
the Grand Central depot. I tried to
buy ticket of you yesterday, and |
have endeavored to give you an imita-
ton of the way you treated me. What g
the size, sir7 R. W. &.
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1906-02-18
Nolan's Advice to Jokesmiths.

Nolan lecturer awarded prizes the
competition heard has word OF
professional MN
art Of making people laugh MS
pertinent
anecdoe
depend ZOE
its nub.
climax hould
The should be told II pos
necSve sooIes
ithosein point surprise
better But
much eab
cratic : EEr.
in
and the point not
properly brought out f -. w. l: Soi"A|
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1906-02-18
FIRST PRIZE
This story gets So.
Gender of the English Words.

A Frenchman and an Englishman
were travelling together delivering adj
dresses. The Frenchman was not very
proficient in the use of the English
language. Realizing this and desiring
to speak it correctly, he asked his Eng
1ish friend to correct him when he
found him speaking it Tnaughtily'
On one occasion it fell to the lot
of the Frenchman to speak first, and
having spoken longer than he felt he
should, he turned to- the Englishman
and apologized, saying:
IT hope you will excuse me fol
cockroaching on your time so largely
You must not say cockroaching, s
said the Englishman, you should say
fhencroaching.'
s.Ah." said the Frenchman, II al
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1906-02-18

q Aren't you glad that I have been
enrolled as a. competent cooks just
see, I've prepared this whole dinner!
j. gave special attention to this dish
here. Guess what it is.
AS she spoke the husband had en-
deavored to ,masticate particularly
tough piece Of the contents Of the dish
.1cferred to. Seeing his look of wonder,
the young wife again playfully said:
b & Guess what it is7o
81 don't know responded the hus,
band, uncertainty. is it the
diplomat Vera Towse,
1899 Crystal Lake Avenue.
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1906-02-18
HAD HELPED Others.

Bishop Niles Of New Hampshire had
singular experience while attending
the Episcopal convention in Boston.
The bishop, who is a very tai, heavy
man, was seated On one Of the low
.settees in the public garden, and when
he started TO- get up found that he had
great difficulty in regaining his feet.
While in the midst Of his struggles a
wee tot of a little girl came along and
offered her assistance. The bishop
ceased trying to rise, and, after survey
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1906-02-18
Cooked the Diploma.

"A young business man of New York,
who had not long been married, was
fondly greeted by his wife one evening
with the joyful announcement that she
had that afternoon received a diploma
from the cooking school at which she
had been an assiduous student.
Evidently the husband did not ex-
hibit that degree Of enthusiasm in the
matter that she expected, for the
young vile said in a disappointed tone:
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1906-02-18
Force Of Habit.

Congressman McNary says he called
and was surprised to see it was bruised
and black and blue. Upon inquiry, Mrs.
Murphy said:
Sure, we TUX him doun to Father
Doolan to be christened, day before
yesterday, and Mike was holding the
kid, whin the 6 O'Clock whistle blew
and Mike dropped the baby.
wv. C. n.
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1906-02-18
IA. Small Matter.

8 Oui, madame is Ill, but re doctor
:haf pronounce it something very tri-
fling, very small, :, said the French
maid to an inquiring friend.
Oh, lam 50 relieved, for I was
really anxious about her. replied the
friend. g What does the doctor say
the trouble isg =
Let me. recall; it was something
very leetle,D answered the French
maid. ssOh, / have it now! Re doc
tor says ze madame has re smallpox. =
So -ss5ss,ifs z3s#s Sq M K
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1906-02-18
What the Evening Wore.

The evening wore on, continued
the man who was telling the story
Excuse me, - interrupted the would
be wit, but can you tell us what the
evening wore on that oceasion9''
don It know that it is important -
replied the story-teller. But if you
must know, / believe it was the close
of summer day. III. B.
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1906-02-18
A Story with a Moral.

An obliging gentleman, who thinks
that personal favors do not cost much,
while they make friends, was applied to
by colored gentleman for certificate
of character by which he might get a
situation.
The TESTIMONIAL proving to be more
complimentary than Scipio himself had
expected, that worthy, on recovering
from his establishment, exclaimed:
Say, boss, won t you glib me somfin' :
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1906-02-18
manqn said the soulful lady, after an

manq" said the soulful lady, after an
interval.
"oh, yes, yes" replied the apparent
backwoodsman, "and / also am fire.
quently drawn into an exaltation OF
rapt blissfulnes5 and beatifc incande,
scent infnity of abstract contiguity
when my horse stumbles. .
Indeed said the Boston maiden
"I had no idea the lower classes ever
felt like that. ,, Mrs. r. d. L.
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1906-02-18
to do yuself on dat recomendashun9' =,
(. 5.,sz W B. Scott, Aberdeen, s.: D..
HIS Wife's Sister.

A prominent farmer Of this country
lost his wife Immed iately after the
burial, he married his wifi y: sister, for
the good of the children, and all con-
cerned,. but continued wearing the usual
amount. Of crepe Shortly after, while
in town one day, he met an old friend,
and his friend seeing the crepe, says:
4, !" Well, what's un7 Some one dead -
Very sympathetically John answers:
eyes; buried my wife s sister couple
Ia W. B. Scott, Aberdeen, IS. d..
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1906-02-18

ing the little-girl critically, replied that
she was too small to help.
The little girl persisted that she could
help, but the bishop was just as sure
that she could not
{. 9 Well said the little:girl finally,
We helped grandpa lots of times
when he was lots drunken than you
are, III, f. B. +,
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1906-02-18
The Cook Lady's Dignity.

Mrs. Annex: 81 tell you what III
do, Bridget. If you II consent to stay,
I'll raise your wages.
Bridget: 9 Listen to her, wud you9
Raise me wages, indade! Yell IN
crease my salary, that's phwat yell
do. - IN. j. &C.
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1906-02-18

Piracy still f1ourishes on the coast Of
China. From recently issued volume
of trade reports dealing with the south
ern half of that country it appears
that Chinese sea robbers continue to be
az defiant and successful as ever.