Chicago eagle. [volume] (Chicago, Ill.) 1889-19??, 1906-12-22

~eS~e~Se
Howeil-Did TINT fellow who want
ed you to invest have a sure thing. y
he claimed? Powell--Yes; I was It,
Judge.
Friend--If you love Miss Gotrox, Ol'
man, why don't you marry her? Bache
lor Doctor--lleavens! man, she IL on
Of my best atients!--Judge.
Effie-But, papa. how 10 you know
that II was a stOrk that brought u
the new baby? papa--Because, m!
dear, just saw his bill!-wOnan
Home Companion.
1t would be custer to be content will
little II nobody had any more.--Life.
visitor---what arc you doing here
my poor man? Convict--Time, mum
Baltimore American.
Ignorance Of the law said tho
Judge, excuses no one" "That bein,
the case rejOincd the prisoner, Its {
wonder the jury didn't find my lawyel
guilty."--Chicago Daily News.
sour imitation is really considerable,
better than the real thing" "You don
say! Then hadn't we better egii
cnutIoning the public to beware of tn,
gcnuinc?''-I.ouisville Journal
She--Wcre you ever In a street cal
accident? lfe-Yes. The car was com
pletely wrecked. but the passenger
were packed 40 tight that only the out
side layers were njured.-Chlcagt
News.
let me scc," said she, "what Is |;
sou call these men WHO run autOmo
biles?" Pardon me- replied the gal
liant man. "lm too mich Of gentle
man to tell you what ! call them
Philadelphia Ledger.
"Slowboy Is about discouraged. IIe'
been waiting ten years tor II promotion
and hasn't got 1t YET That's tn
trouble. II he'd worked more an,
waited less he'd have had It long ago.
Detroit Free Press.
"What n wonderful vocabulary tn,
new minister has" said Mrs. Oldcastic
Eyes" replied her hostess. ITS almos
az big as JOsiah's Uncle williams was
only his turned into a goltrc, at last.
Chicago Record. Herald.
II wonder" said the man who wal
given to thought ut times. II wonde
what Is meant by the embarrassment
Of riches'!" "Thc poor relation, yer!
likely" replied the man who was one
philadelphia Public Ledger.
Dashawny---I want You to meet Mis-
Hopper. Stunning girl. Just bacl
from Europe. Clcvcrton--licr hrs
vIsit2 Eyes" swell. old man. II III
the same to you. I'll wait until sllc''
gotten through telling about 't."--Lifs
"Wait q minute Til I get my clothel
OH" came shrill voice from the bacl
end Of the cable cur. All the strap
holders turned their heads ns one man
II was small boy striving to drai
on the hamper containing his mother
washing.--Judgc.
Mother (wllO has been asked to sug
gcst a game for rainy afternoon) =
Why don't you pretend you are me
And George can be daddy. Then 20,
might play at housekeeping. Dnughte
But, mother. we've Iuarrelcd one
already Punch.
"That's all right. sis answcre,
Tommy. II could sec that YOU wcr
only playing telephone. lie was ring
Ing you up-oh, you needn't hide you
left hand behind yOu--but he had hi
lips entirely too close 10 the receiver.
Chicago Tribune.
cant you find any work at ALP
asked the kind lady OF Prayed Frank
lin. "Plenty, mum. But everybod,
wants references from Inc last en-
ployer." cant you get them:" mo
mum. He's been dead % years.
Milwaukee Sentinel.
"YOu don't realize that there are
other considerations In life thar
money" said the censorious friend
Eyes, I do" answered Senator Sor
ghum. But whenever want any
thing done can't get the other fellow
to realize it."--WashingtOn Star.
Reporter called, sir, u ark you i
you could tell me anything of the af
fairH OF the bank whose wreck Is jus
announced. Substantial Citizcn---Goo'
heavens, man, how should ! know any
thing about its affairs? Why. I'm on
0f the board of directors !--i'altlmor'
American.
"Oh. lady, l do love peach cake,
limited the hungry hobo rs he rcste'
his greasy sleeve on the gatepos'
SWELL" replied the housewife with tin
rolling pin, suppose | should maxi
you some peach cake. Would you IL
any work." "Would ], mum? Why
! would do dc hardest work ever dl'
In my life" "And what would yoV
dot" "Why, ia climb dat tree AM
get enough peaches fer de cake."-ChI