Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1906-12-08
BACK TO THE PIANO

ott-tndk 8 II. '0aSh ora little DEOCHufe
to be entitled The Kind of Husbands So
lected as Mates by Brainy Women" OBJ
served man who writes for newspapers
and magazines and thinsR
Il am moved to project the writing of
that brochure by consideration, extend
ing over many years of observation. Of the
curious and impossible sorts of male freaks
that great many brainy women of my
acquaintance have chosen as spouses of
their bosoms. The immediate occasion OF
these reflections is q matrimonial mis-
match with sequel which recently came
under my eye in New York.
The woman around whom the thing cen
tiers is, should say, one of the smartest
women In New York. and very clever as
writer. Although she signs her own Wo-
mans name to her material. majority OF
her readers really suppose her to DE a
man, so singularly keen and masculine is
the power of her pen-scaipel. Her knowl-
edge of the foibleS and vanitieS and petty
kinks of both men and women is astound-
ing. Yet she is in every sense, as to the
exterior which she presents to the world,
womanly woman, and a pretty and stylish
one. She IS petite, groomed to the mines
and at least eight million leagues removed
from the popular idea as to the frump:sh
writing woman. She was educated In Eng
lish and French converts. though an Ameri.
can from away back, and at the age OF
fourteen was left to her own resources. She
was a woman then. and at the age OF SIX
teen she owned a racing stable OF her own
and trained and raced her own hors Ihen
she got some sort of q husband l don
know anything about him. nor does any
body else. He swung into her life and then
out again. and so none of this oddly clever
little womans present-day friends has any
data to go upon in figuring upon what sort
OF choice she made the first time.
But we all know about the second one
She met him two years ago. He was the
piano player in a New York vaudeville
house. He was a good-looking big nonen-
tity. He played the piano with just about
the same amount of inspiration that ono
might expect him to put into the business
of beating carpets-a purely mechanical
FOUNDER. as souliess as a sweet potato
with a brain of about the consistency and
force and initiative of so much mayonnaise
dressing. and the manners of hulking
'longshoreman sort of halfway dressed up
AS a vaudeville piano player he was a sort
Of untidy. dandruffy SLOUGH as to his ex
terror and had no notion whatever OF what
is called looking the part His associates
were variety actors. and he hung around
near the corner of 18th street and I'd ave-
nue. II, New York-if you can approximate
what that means in the analysis of a mans
tastes.
This almost-the- clevercst little woman
in New York met the vaudeville house
years ago. and she fell in love with him.
Yep. Just that way. Fell in love with
him. Became Immediately dead gone upon
him. For several years all sorts of de-
sirable New York chars had been buzzing
about her and askil her to marry them
But she had only laughed at them, or
when their opportunities became weari-
some. dismissed them out of hand. She
chose the piano-thumper in the vaudeville
house. They were married.
1.-The little woman wasn't like some one
who didn't know how to take her medi-
cine and pretend that she liked it. If she
was disillusonized quickly or slowly. she
didn't show it to her friends. She began
the difficult and well nigh impossible proc
ess of lifting a male being up from the
sphere in which he born and which
he loved.
"She was the money maker of the team.
of course her writings bringing her In
fiat. 1t was no long after the marriage
that the piano-thumping husband began to
eyince a decided Discrimination to work
'Whackin tn keys he said, didn't git MIN
nothing like as much coin as he ought to
be making Anyhow. lie told her that his
fingers were sore and that it hurt him
to play. So he knocked OF piano-thumping
in the vaudeville house. Then the little
woman had to do the whole thing in lie
way Of running the household.
'.She didn't kick about that. She was
game. Shed drawn her cards. and the
hand wasn't much. and she probably knew
1t, all right but she played the game. She
dressed her mannikn up. Size Lad an ex-
pensve 9TH avenue tailor contrlve MS
clothes for him. She selected his haber-
dashery for him, buying his shirts by the
two-dozen, and his ties by the boxful. and
such like. and as to mere raiment, he sure
did become q bowling swell. She educated
him out of his personal untidiness ana IN
itiated him into the mysteries of Turkish
baths She got him into the way OF hav-
ing his finger nails attended to by mani
cure occasionally, and hiked him of to a
dentist to have his neglected teeth attended
to. She saw to it that he had his hair
cut properly She got him fine set OF
razors and shamed him out of his nabft
of going about with three days set OF
whiskers popping out OF his complexion
although he was prett" sulky about it.
she essayed to fix UP his verbal grammar
so that he wouldn't go on showing himself
and her up every time he opened his eoun-
tenance
.Irs easy enough to write and say all
sorts of belittling things about women, but
[ maintain that, when they get in bad, they
sure do play the game more bravery than
men in like circumstances. They go the dis
lance and pretend that they're having all
the fun and they're particularly willing to
utterly sacrifice themselves for the sake Of
the most hopeless OATS or men TO Wnom
they ally themselves.
This little woman capped 1t all by get
ting her man into a really good New York
club She had to scheme and plot to do that.
The man was number of fathoms below
the class of men who belonged to the club,
but she had lot of strong friends in the
club who liked and respected her, and these
men felt sorry, too, that She had got In SO
bad. and were more than willing to make 1t
easy for her by responding to any wish she
might suggest, and so they allowed her man
to become a member of the club He didn't
visit the club very often. however. He pre-
ferred to swell up and down the RiaIec.
loliing on sunny corners and stretching him
self and looking the passing women over.
while his wife wrote the stuff that kept the
whole thing a-SonS.
Thus the frame was set for year and
nine months.
"A couple of months ago the man reached
his level again. He ambled away from New
York with a burlesque actress. His wife
heard of it, and smiled sort of wan smile.
But she didn't say a word. Just went on
working as If nothing had happened. She
isn't a tallker on intimate subjects.
"A month after her husbands run-off
with the extravaganza woman. he returned
to the fiat penitent, obviously sorry that he
had so reckessly punctured a good thing
and rather seedy, not showing the signs of
grooming and care to which he had been
accustomed since his marriage.
HE tinkled the fiat bell. and the maid
opened the door and let him in. He met his
wife in the dining room. The jantor hap
pened to be washing the windows of the
dining room. The little woman locked her
husband over careful y from head to feet
and then she turned 20 the ianitor.
Tar said the janitOr roddioo