davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-11-24
.LAYHA WKER JOT.S

Ralph Tennel calls the mechanics
who operate gasoline engines char
feurs-" And why not?
Incidentally clover seed has added
something ike a hundred thousand dol
lars to the income Of Brown county.
It is said that the new beet sugar
plant at Garden City Is the best in
the world, or course 1t is. Kansas
has to have the best OF everything
The Congregational ladiessof Sabetha
are going to be wicked enough to dra-
Matte Mrs. Wigs of the Cabbage
Patch" for themselves and then act
uany act it.
Chanute expects to break into the
Chautauqua circle next year. Pretty
soon Chautauquas will be as common
as street fairs, and the town without
one will be the exception.
Not only was Bert walker. Of King
man, reelected county clerk says the
Troy Chief, but he also has new son
to boot 1t Is to be hoped, however,
that he won't start the booting pro
cess until the son grows little older.
Boy story from the sabetha Herald:
Harvey Haines took spaniel pup
home the other night with every inten-
ton Of keeping it. His father had al
ways promised him a full blooded
spaniel. In order to get out OF It Mr..
Haines asked Harvey if the pup was
full-blOoded. mo" answered Harvey,
pups this one was the fuIlest-blooded
one they had"
Adam Croaker in the Holton Recor-
der: can remember when I was a boy
that about the happfest day In the
year for me was the day the first snow
fell and the face of the earth was COW
cred. Now, If I could afford It I would
spend my winter In a climate where
no flake Of snow ever falls and where
Jack Frost is a myth. There was
time when a sleighride was to me the
limit of pleasure. Now I would feel
like prosecuting a man or woman,
either, for heavy damages who would
fnveigle me into a sleigh ride. In those
early days I enjoyed wading through
snow hunting rabbits. Now a rabbit
is just as safe and secure SO far as
am concerned, as are railroad and
trust interests from the voluntary ac-
ton Of the average congressman or
senator I used to like to dress up and
go to evening parties and the later they
held the better I liked them. Now II
any one hires me to go to a party /
feel that I have enough by O'Clock
and I wonder how anyone can enjoy
such silly business after bedtime. try,
but 1t Is mighty hard work, to tolerate
young people in what seems to me un-
necessary and inexcusable dissipation.
once enjoyed late suppers of q highly
seasoned character Now I cannot for
the life Of me understand why I was
such an idiot. AS a reformer. I have
come to the conclusion that age holds
1t over any other agency or motive.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-11-24
where He Drew the Line.

General Frederick D. Grant tells the
following as an example of quick wit
in a perilous position: When light bat
terry A was stationed on Warehann street
ant Brooks
About the tine he was elected lieuten-
contract to paint the gun carriages and
caissons, which he carried out in good
When he was before the examining
board for his assignment to duty he was
when he did the painting. AS explained.
the dismounting proved to have been
done in a most unconventional manner
DO you consider, lieutenant, that you
acted in this manner according to the reg
uiations?'' asked the chairman of the
The reply was: It did not dismount the
pieces as Lieutenant Brooks of the artil-
ierv but as George Brooks the painter.
lieutenant Brooks was passed all right
and received his assignment to duty
BOSTON Herald.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-11-24
KANSAS COMAENT
THH LEssON

IT the Republican party learns les
son from its rebuke this year. then its
decreased pluralities may be well for
gwen Ii 1t learns that 1t cannot long
er ignore the wishes of the people.
ana that II must be a friend to the
people rather than an ally Of the rail-
roads, then the lesson will have been
worth the humiliation it cost. On the
otner hand, If the party ignores the
lesson, it cannot escape complete
cnastlSement in the future. II the Re-
publican railroad board continues to
use It's power for the annulment of law
instead Of its enforcement as to better
rates the people Will be heard from
again, II the full power of the party
y 20 pc expended in the election of
failroad senator that for six years will
aLand between the people and justice,
the people Will resent it most siren
uonsiy This Is time when 1t would
pc wise to bury evidences of political
aeals away down out of sight, and put
Lortn the best efforts to do something
LOT the people. For when a people
nave learned resentment and doubt, 1t
usually means q change. The Repub-
ncan party In Kansas has escaped the
nrst storm, 1t must not act upon the
laea mat there cannot be q second.
The people OF Kansas naturally are
~ publtcans, but just now they are
1eelng mighty Independent and sas-
". II the party In the state will stand
TOT the people, the people of the state
Will stand for the party. But the rec
oFu ~ gong to be very carefully scrut-
lnIzed- VIII the leaders of the party
De wise enough for the welfare of the
party to profit by this months lesson ?
--Burlingame Chronicle.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-11-24
FROM OTHER PENS
A TRADITION SMASHED.

The president has smashed one of
the ancient traditions of the American
republic by stepping foot upon foreign
soil, and nothing has happened. No
political or natural CONFUSION has oc-
Cured in consequence The country
is not menaced by dangers. The presi-
dent has returned from his excursion
into a foreign country unscathed and
unchanged. He is still president, and
there Is every reason to expect that
he will remain such until the end of
his allotted term of office.-W ashing-
ton Star.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-11-24
For sightseers and Relic Hunters.


Secretary Bonaparte, at a dinner in
Washington, described with a smile a
letter that had come to him In explana-
ton of the exclusion of sailors in uni
form from dance halls
This letter. said the secretary, i'll
formed me that the jackies were Fept
out of these halls because they were
too attractive, because they captured
all the ladies. and the civilians were
left in the cold.
THAT reason was amusing, striking,
fiattering, but somehow it was not
quite satisfactory.
1T suggested to me the remark tina:
a stage driver made to a friend OF
mine.
my friend, a tremendous admirer Of
Edgar Allen Poe, boarded the stage 10
drive to Fordham, where. in a small
cottage Poe wrote 'Bernice, '11ge1a,
and other immortal tales.
1.-The stage driver was Of an inquisi-
tive turn. He said to my friend:
+" Why are you so anxious to so to
because Poe lived there, said ray
friend.
1.-THE driver grunted.
g Poe wouldn't ha' been much thought
of if he'd only lived at Fordham, he
said. Tt wasn't on that account he's
famous; it was on account of them
there PONIES and tales Los Angeles
Times.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-11-24
REFLECTIONS OF A BACHELOR

When woman Is willing TO tell the
whole of It, it's because it's a secret.
A woman hates to argue so much that
she never does it without arguing that
she isn't.
Is to make her think some other girl is
going to.
Some men are SO self-satished that when
they have dream about giving away
money they are proud OF 1t when they
wake I'D.
Life seems 10 be made UP of moving
the lawn when there is no furnace to be
stocked and when there Is no moving to
be done Of stocking the furnace.
A man has to have a good deal more
than Christian Science to stand having
lis corn trod on
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-11-24

The Montgomery county coroner evil
IDENTIFY hasn't the eye to business that
some OFFICERS have A human skeleto !,
supposed to be hundreds or thousands
Of years old was found in a rock in
Quarryfng for the Cherryvale cement
plant, and the coroner failed to hold an
inquest The usual verdict might have
been truthfully brought in and a few
honest fees earned, just as well as not.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-11-24

The Highland vidette Is another. Re
publican paper that has come out
strongly for tariff revision 1t says: If
the Republican party does not reform
the tariff. the people will rise in right
eons indignation and elect Bryan on a
tariff revision platform The people
have faith in Republican policy. but OF
the Roosevelt brand not the Cannon
stand pat on tariff variety Nearly
everything the merchant buys is con
Grolied in prices BY the trust II may
aot be %. but the people have a be-
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-11-24

Warning issued by w. z. Morgan:
The Topeka State Journal has but
little doubt that the Republican
party is chastened and subdued." Chas-
tened, yes; but the fellow that did it
doesn't want to count too much on
that subdued. when the party once gets
out Of the HOSPITAL
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-11-24

It is generally supposed that a rich
man never lacks friends Young John
ID. Rockefeller testified to the contrary
before his Bible class the other day.
He advised his associates not to ac-
uuire great wealth. Most Of them will
take his advice. fnasmuch as old John
-. will soon have it all acquired him
self
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-11-24
Reward Of Inventor Of chess.

An Arabian author, Al Sephadi, re-
iates the following curious anecdote:
A mathematician named Sessa, the
son OF Dahar, the subject of an Indian
prince, having invented the game OF
chess, his sovereign was highly pleased
with the invention, and wishing to con-
Ter On him some reward worthy of his
magnificence, desired him to ask what
ever he thought proper, assuring him
that 1t would be granted. The mathe-
natician, however, only asked for a
grain Of wheat for the first square OF
the chessboard, two for the second, four
for the third, and SO on to the last, or
slxty-fourth- The prince, at first, was
almost incensed at this demand, con
ceiving that it was i'll suited to his
Hberality. BY the advice of his cour-
tiers, however, he ordered his vizier to
comply with Sessa's request, but the
minister was much astonished when,
having caused the quantity Of wheat
necessary to fulfill the princes order
to be calculated, he found that all the
grain in the royal granaries, and even
all that in those of his subjects and in
all Asia. would not be sufficient
He therefore informed the prince, who
sent for the mathematician and candid
ly acknowledged that he was not ricr
enough to be able to comply with his
demand, the ingenuity of which aston
ished him still more than the game he
had invented.
1t will be found by calculation that
the sixty-fourth term of the double pro-
gression, beginning with unity. Is 9,222,-
372, 036, 1854, 775, sos, and the sum of all the
terms Of this double progression begin
ming with unity, may be obtained by
doubling the last term and suDlracting
the first from the sum- The number,
therefore of the grains of wheat requir-
ed to satisfy Sessa's demand will be
Is, 446. IA, 073, 709, 551, SIS.
Now, IL a pint contains 9,216 grains
of wheat, a gallon will contain 1928,
and a bushel Is gallons) will contain
589, 7S4. Dividing the number of grains
by this quantity, we get 81, 274997, 412, 290
for the number Of bushels necessary
to discharge the promise Of the Indian
prince. And if we suppose that one acre
of land is capable of producing in one
year thirty bushels of wheat, it would
require 1,O42. 499, 913. TAB acres. which Is
more than eight times the entire sur
face of the globe; for the diameter Of
the earth being taken at 1880 miles, It's
whole surface, including land and
water. will amount to very little mo e
than l26, 49,, s8a,177 square acres
If the price of a bushel of wheat b.
at one dollar. the value of the
above quantity probably exceeds that of
all the riches on the earth.-Phin's
Seven Follies of Science"
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-11-24

If Kansas should happen to send
man by the name OF Bailey to the
United States senate. there will not be
any faint of Waters Pierce oil, Stand
ard oil, or any other kind Of oil about
hin-unIess it is the kind that is used
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-11-24

Notwithstanding all the investiga-
tons and exposures, there appears to
be considerable doubt whether the
policy holder is to be anything more
than an innocent bystander.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-11-24

A statistician figures that as Hearst
spent 1856. 1882 and received 6S5,S17
votes, they cost him about SO u cents
apiece But isn't that pretty cheap for
votes in New York?
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-11-24
UNsIMPLIFIED SPELLING.

Sarcasm, sarcasum. sarkason. sar-
chasm, sarchasin. sarkasir1. sarkasam,
sarchasum, sarkasum? Which is pho
netic when you come to reflect upon
it ?-LouisvilIe Courier-Journal.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-11-24
WHAT HEARST HAS DONE.

The next thing to the defeat of a
political antagonist is to force him to
come to your viewpoint; to see things
as you see them. This IS what Mr..
Hearst has done in New York, and for
this splendid triumph he deserves the
credit, as the thanks. of state and ma
finn-Atlanta Constitution.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-11-24

If Attorney General Coleman isn't
careful he viii compel the State Jour
mai to revise it's opinion Of his judgment
He is beginning to display some Of the
signs of a good official.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-11-24

Now that We have laid out a rail-
road for MT Hartman from Topeka
to the Gulf, all that remains for him
TO do is to buy the right of way, have
At graded, and lay the rails.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-11-24

The moral victory" which the DEM
ocrats won in Kansas would have
suited some Of them far better had it
carried q few salaries along with 1t.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-11-24

Although that one vote for W. r.
Stubs for governor was cast in Nc
Pherson county. no one IS glancing
suspiciously at A. w. Smith.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-11-24

The San Francisco relief committee
has four million dollars on hand that it
does not know what to 90 with The
grafters appear TO have overlooked
considerable
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-11-24

Very likely Mr. Rockefeller will wish
TO have some of his hired men tried
for him on those indictments.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-11-24
roc MUCH.
away from

IL Harris lad stayed away from
Atchison and Lea9enworth he would
undoubtedly have been elected COVER
nor OF Kansas. The spectacle of the
Democratic party on the water wagon
was too much for the good people of
Kansas and they shed tears and voted
for Hoch.-Horton Commercial.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-11-24

There seems to have been just about
as many Harris Republicans in Kan
sas this year as there were Roosevelt
Democrats two years age.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-11-24
THE PENKNIFE GRAFT

graft at the outset by the incoming
general assembly will be saIutary.
Next January will be an excellent time
for the legislature summarily to end
the gratuity habit.-Hartford Times.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-11-24

The Atchison Globe gives it out cold
that this marrying story that is told on
Ca1ve is purely advertising matter
Calve is old and fat and cannot sing,
SAYS the Globe
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-11-24

If Mr.. Coleman had two terms more
OF office ahead of him. he might make
8 good attorney general yet.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-11-24
ScALPING THE NEGRO.

Negro troops should not have been
SO scared by the Utes. The fact that
they would yield unsatisfactory scalps
must be a Observation-Disclosures
Ledger.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-11-24

It is doubtful If even Miss Ma
Wood would have made Senator Plat
as much trouble as his present spouse
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-11-24
An ENTERPRISTNG TOWN.

Last year It was said that the Iarg-
est amount ever stolen from the
United States treasury was $4,000
The growing city of St Louis has
raised these figures to S6O.000.-St.
Louis Post Dispatch.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-11-24

Deacon walker points out that while
Bixty-seven counties in the state gave
ma3orities for Governor Hoch, the
trouble with most of them was that
they didn't do it with enough enthusi-
mar
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-11-24
INDEPENnENCE

If you do not think political hide
pendence is a good thing to preach.
them go and pound Theodore Roose-
velt's back He started it. He told the
Republican corporation senators to
either get their INSTRUCTIONS out of his
way or he would hook up with the
Democrat sand drive over them. He'd
have done 1t. too.-Jeweu Republican.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-11-24

Caruso asserts that it was a monkey
who pinched that woman in Central
park. Well. isn't that what the po-
lieeman who pinched Caruso says?
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-11-24
AN EASY EXPLANATION.

However, the explanat1on Is not DIM
cult. By his continued attacks upon
the predatory rich mr.. Hearst shifted
the New York waiter vote to Mr.
Hughes.-LouisvilIe Courier-Journal.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-11-24

Der fool-killer ISIS wasting time in
der suburbs vile dere ISIS such a nice
crop awaiting him in der big cidies.
Chicago, Plillydelfy und Moo York ISIS
going to make heros oudt uf der Mig
zero solchers vich vas canned fer
killing vite citizens.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-11-24

"sehnlftz Denies It AL" says a
headline Of course.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-11-24
vAIITE az f,REMATTON.

Coronation Is good, wrote the little
girl In the examination. because the
person might only be In a swoon, and
II ne Is burned he cannot recover
London Tribune.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-11-24

Misder drummer shouldt make a
egselendt prifate secret-tarrier fer der
goferner. Id ISIS a skinch he can I'LL
der position. He could fill any posi-
ton vich ISIS nod more den sigs feen
vide
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-11-24
DEMoCRACY's OPPORTUNITY.

The Republican party must meet the
changed situation or be prepared for a
further expansion Of the present DEM
ocratic revival.-Providence Journal.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-11-24
IMPoRTANCE OF CHARACTER.

Personal Character IS Of more I'M
portance than political professions.
and because Mr.. Hearst did not under
stand this he is not governor of New
York state.-Richmond Times-Dis-
patch.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-11-24

Id ISIS no yoos fer man NIT plain
name to go oudit NIT band, unless
hiss name ISIS Won vich may be sprain-
ed oudt uf shape und a few g's, IS
double rs und a final inscribed.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-11-24
LIQUOR IN ELECTIONS.

Old Bill White of Emporia, has been
using lots Of black faced type making
protest against the use of whisky in
elections in Lyon county. We suggest
that Il Billallen runs out of material
around Emporia that he turn his atten-
ton to this evil in Usage county. IN
the past two elections. at least. the use
of booze has been fierce. and for some
reason in certain places the Sabbath
day has been chosen for its distribu-
tion. The giving away of liquor for
campaign purposes should be made
felony. Chronicle.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-11-24

CORNERED LITERARY FUNDS.
William Dean Howells says that
there Is no money in literature"
Probably George AIDE has got it all
Charleston News and Courier.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-11-24

Gofernor Hoch hadt narrow
slxveak fer hiss second term, und Pc
fore der sweat uf anguish hadt dried
on his classic brow, began on war
rious Kansas mayors. Vich reminds
me uf Hank Beazley. Ven hiss wife
grazed hiss ear nit a hat-iron, id
made him so hot he vendt oudt ind
kicked a rib oudt uf der dog.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-11-24

Some peoples knock on der Salifa-
ton Army, und comparison ids moosio
Tommy cats, but id ISIS a safe bet dot
no Won would trow rocks ad singini
kitty uf hiss song would feed SOM
poor, hungry cuss der negst day.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-11-24
THE SWITCH

Over in St. Joseph they are making
war on SWITCHES" Do you know what
a "snitch" iso A '.sIIitch'' is a lawyer
the ethics OF the legal profession a
lawyer must sit in his offlce with his
feet up on a chair and look wise until
some one comes in to consult him on
case In no manner Is 4 thoroughbred
lawyer supposed to solicit business or
even hint that he would like to take
one side Of the case. He must not
advertise either. advertising being
strictly tabooed. You can call a law
yer liar and he will think nothing of
It, but call him "snttch'' and you Will
have him to flght-Horton Headlight.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-11-24

he hadt known dot Nick Chiles OBJ
chected Derefore i'd ISIS all Nick's
fauldt fer nod declaring hisselut
sooner.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-11-24
A THANKSGIVING SERMON.

O give thanks unto the Lord; for he is
good; for his mercy endure&h forever
Psalm 1861.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-11-24

I'd ISIS my obinion dot uf der turkey
wants to hodt hiss reputation he hadt
besser afoid a trial py chury. Id ISIS
also my opinion dot der Pilgrimous
Fadders would nod had stardted der
custom uf eating turkey uf dere hadt
peen anydings else to eadt in dot neck
lf der woods ad dot time.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-11-24

I always fought I would like to go
skating uf I could fndt a blaze we're
der ice vas SOLD like a FEEDER bed, ind
der vedder vas nice und warm, und
der vasser under der ice vas nod vet.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-11-24

A machoridy uf us are sdill conf
dendt dot Misder Roosenfeldt would
not hat canned der niggero solchers uf
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-11-24

Der meloncolic dayss hat come,
Der satdesd uf der year;
Too warm to drink der Demon Run
Und yedt too cool fer beer,