davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1906-06-16
A Professional Objection,

$50 you saw Niagara falls?"
Eyes, answered the veteran men,
Der of the fire department. "I've wait
ed all these years and saw it at last" "
at is wonderfully big and impress
sive, isn't it?''
Eyes. It's all that. But I'm blessed
If can see the good of playing all that
water where there isn't any fire.
Washington Star.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1906-06-16

MY lover. kind sir, has gone ON q
foreign trip, and ne will not return &C
me for a. whole year."
Cheer up. pretty one. A year is
quickly sped. and he will return tc
thee
sAh, yes, doubt not his return But
what If some man should come along
and marry me in the meantime ?'-
Cleveland Leader
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1906-06-16
Too Many Heads.

There ought to be but one head to
every household" shouted the orator.
That's right" muttered worried
looking man in the audience.
You agree with me?" shouted the
orator, singing him out.
ct do; 1 have just finished paying
for the Easter bonnets of my nine
daughters. Post.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1906-06-16
A BUSY Family,

A Busy Family.
'Whah's you all's father?" asked the
visitor.
in the woods shootin' squirrels, y
answered Pickaninny Jim.
"Whah's yoh brother?"
down town shootin' craps"
"Whah's yoh mother?"
ION de 'scursion, shootin' de chutes.
Washington Star.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1906-06-16
Brilliant Part.

Manager What? You want a role
in such a romantic play as Romeo
and Juliet?" Why, your face is as
round as a full moon!
Fatty Hamme-That's just it. l
thought perhaps you would let me
stick my face through the canvas sky
and be the moon.-Chicago Daily
News.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1906-06-16
Tested.

Smart Wife-Don't worry, George
wrote an article for the paper to-day
showing how to get up family dinner
for one dollar, and took it around an6
the editor gave me a dollar
Husband-That's a rare piece of gooe
luck. What are you going to do witt
the dollar?
I'm going to try that recipe myself
and see if it will work.-N. Y. Weekly
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1906-06-16
Explained.

Dribbler-In my opinion, man
who writes an illegible hand does it
because he thinks people are willing
to puzzle over it. In other words, he
is a mass of conceit-
Scrfbbler-Not always. Sometimes
a man writes illegibly not because he
Is conceited, but because he is modest.
Modest? What about?"
About his spelling. -Tit-Bits.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1906-06-16

"That man began to kick the minute
he entered the Office" said the hotel
clerk
'Yes," answered the proprietor. HE
behaves as if he had always been used
to the worst of everything. Wash
ington Star
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1906-06-16
Couldn't Help Him Any

Mr.. Makinbrakes Ito chance acquain-
lance whom he has met at swell
party)-If you have any influence with
Mrs. Upjohn l wish you would sugges:
to her that she announce dinner I'm
frightfully hungry.
Chance Acquaintance-Mei haven't
any influence with Mrs. Upjohn. I'm
Mr.. Upjohn.-Tit-Bits.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1906-06-16
Like Mothers.

Il plead for the soft, crumbly, we'll
shortened pie" said DIR. Burton Rogers
a federal meat inspector, in an address
at the Chicago tuberculosis institute
recently. Too often it has been con-
demned unjustly- 1 do not for one
single moment believe that it is harm
full for children
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1906-06-16
Easy Way Out.

The Maid like you well enough,
Harry, but I made a vow years ago
that l would-'t marry any man on
earth
The Youth-That's all right, Fanny
Wen be mayyied in . balloon--Chi-
cago Tribune.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1906-06-16
Real Merit

Mrs Skimkins-How do you like
your new boarding house?
Mr.. Jobkins-Oh! the rooms are
fair, the table is only tolerable, but the
gossip is excellent.-Hotel Life.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1906-06-16
More to the Point

More to the Point
HE.
To you I sing
OF spring.
Oh, spring some other thing!
HE.
To you I bring
A ring.
SHE.
You're shouting now. by jung!
Cleveland Leader.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1906-06-16
Household Needs

Wife, want to talk with you about
some things we need for the house.
Husband-What are they?
Wife-Well, to begin with, dear,
don't you think we need a new bon
net?-Tit-Bits.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1906-06-16
Her Light

Mrs Jones-My husband is the light
of my life.
Mrs Smith-So is mine. One of the
kind that smokes and goes out at
night--RoyaL
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1906-06-16

Ingenuity of the Lazy Genius.
There is no doubt that the average
loafer displays considerable genius in
keeping out of job.-Brookfield (Mo.)
Gazette.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1906-06-16

It's a queer fact that the higher .
man rises the less chance he has Of
being above suspicion-Puck
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1906-06-16
His Joke.

There was an old man in Hohokus
Who. showing intention to jokus
Said: THE flower of my flock
Is crocus, don't knock
A rooster, you know, is a crow-cuss.
Houston Post
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1906-06-16
WhoP

please, pa" pleaded Bobby, "just
one more"
when he's old enough to quit writ
well, say, pa" began Bobby, who
is going to bury the last man that
dies PUCK.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1906-06-16

How can L marry that man? 1 abb
hor, despise, abominate himi"
There, there, deari You can tell
him all that after you've married
himi"
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1906-06-16
A Lucky Cast.

She was a freck1ed country maid,
She did her mothers duty.
A city fellow married her
To get a speckled beauty.
IN. Y. Sun.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1906-06-16

the hausbesorger 20 hellers (four
cents)-
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1906-06-16
THOSE FOOL QUESTIONS.

Brown-Hello, Smith! Got the tooth
ache?
The Birmingham age-herald., 1906-12-16
BRIGHTER SIDE OF
 LAFCAD|O HEARN
Marriage to Japanese Woman
 Changed His Life
CHARITABLE VIEW OF MAN
He Who Produces Beautiful Creations of Thought and Fancy Should be Forgiven His Faults In
 a Measure.

From the New Orleans Times-Democrat.
 The publication of "The Life and Let
 ters of Lafcadio Hearn," edited by Eliza
 beth Bisland Wetmore, must surely be
 reckoned as a literary event, for it is a
 work which ranks in intellectual and hu-
 man charm with such books as the auto
 biography of John Addington Symonds, i the Brookfield correspondence, and the Memorials of Burne-Jones. It contains a number of interesting illustrations, among
 them some hitherto unpublished portraits of Mir Hearn in his early manhood, as we'll as pictures of his children. In a predatory note the editor anticipates the criticism that her sketch lacks the ve-
 racity of shadow and thus answers it.:
 T have taken heed of the opinion he him.
 self expressed in one of his letters: I be-
 leve we ought not to speak of the weak
 ness of very great men, and the intention
 of such part of this book as is my own is to give a history of the circumstances un-
 der which a great man developed his ge-
 nius"
 This seems the part of good feeling and good taste for we should concern our
 selves rather with the works than the
 deeds of a maker of exquisite things and
 be sufficiently grateful to him for having enriched the worlds stock of beauty to ig-
 nore his less admirable side. Moreover, MT. Hearns sins, whatever they were were impulsive. not premeditated. He was never cruel with malice aforethought and his outbreaks of irascibility, injustice and 1tto ff. -Iaaf 11a himself called his ''badly balanced ner- vous makeup" To the same cause, rath-
 CT than to insincerity, may be ascribed the fact that he often spoke bitingly of ab- sent friends, yet, upon again encounteflns them became once more friendly and in innate with them In one of his letters he says: Any nature truly sympathetic with complex nervous system-cannot infict pain without receiving at least as much If not more pain than it gives The terrible men are the men who do
 everything in cold blood, icily, with calcu- lation, infinite patience and infinite pleas ure."
 Mrs Wetmore disentangles myth from fact in the story of Hearns life, the cir cumstances of which were strange and un- usual from beginning to end. At one point she writes, regarding the divorce or | Iearn's father and mother, that the lat ter fled to smyrna with Greek cousin l who had come at her call, leaving the two l children with the father. This cousin she afterward married, and her children knew l her no more" To at least three separate 1 people in New Orleans MT Hearn said 1 that his mother during the divorce suit, was defended by a Greek lawyer-the only one in Dublin at that time, he remarked
 whom she afterward married, and with
 whom she went to Smyrna. This Greek exacted of her that she should give up her sons, arguing that the children or
The Birmingham age-herald., 1906-12-16

From the Baltimore Sun.
 You will have 10 go d long way" said an art collector the other day. before you find q body of men more clever than those cabinetmakers who produce goods to satisfy the desire of the public for furniture made of old and fancy woods They can transform whltewood into all kinds of exotic woods by means of chem icals, and chemist would be surprised if he were 10 have the run of one of those factories for q day.
 "The manufacture of antique oak Is one of the easiest of their processes. The boards, holdings, panels, or whatever pieces arc required are made of oak which has just had time to dry sufficient lY to prevent excessive Warping
 They are then placed in a dark room. OF the floor of which and quite close to the furniture to be aged arc placed sev- eral bowls. plates and so forth, of liquid ammonia The room is then hermetically closed up and the wood is left for month or so according to the age which is required. The cooration will extend to n depth of nearly quarter of all inch if the room Is llepr closed for ie" months.
 That is why there is So much old oak furniture about. Of course, a little retcc- ton would show that it could not be eennino-thc forests of the Middle Ages would not have furnished one-half oL It. but people do not always reflect.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1906-12-16
SMITHS OF FAYETTEVILLE.
Lawyers Discoveries While Looking
 Up Titles In Missouri.
Prom the New York Sun.

From the New York Sun.
 Funny letter I got from home today said a man who lives twenty-four days of the month in New York and spends Sundays on the golf links
 My sister writes that two men were candidates in the old town for justice of the peace. Both are named Smith.
 'The election was tie. They are going to decide the question by a pie biting contest. The man who can cover the most crust is to take the office.
 'The Smith family always figures in these things. In a joke or any bit of fic- tion the name is always made use of be- cause it comes easy. But this is a real case. l know both men,
 "I know q Smith story that beats it hands down." said his friend. "I was out in Missouri Hast summer looking up some titles. My lawyer said we must go to a small town about thirty miles from the county seat to obtain necessary informa- tion.
 "rhe name of the town is Smithville. When we got there we put up at the Smith hotel. The landlords name is Smith No relation of the town, he said. He went there long after it was named
 After dinner my lawyer said we were to call at the store of a man who could give us a number of pointers. The mer- chant was introduced as Frank Smith. He said at once that he was no kin of the man who kept the hotel. That seemed to be joke in the town, still it was a fact.
 We got down to business and after a number of notes had been taken we came to a haitus. Frank Smith said he would have to. pass, But he added, If you go out to Squire Lewis Smiths farm, about four miles. he can tell you just what you want to know
 "I was so interested in my business that l had lost the chain of coincidences lin names until the merchant Tan In With bis stock joke, that Squire Smith was no fe- lation of his. It was late when we got back to the hotel.
 Landlord Smith was in the office waiting to show us up. My lawyer asked him the most direct route to Squire Smiths place, saying we wanted to go there early the next morning.
 "Youl1. have to hire a rig, said the
The Birmingham age-herald., 1906-12-16

landlord They call it four miles, but it's higher eight the way you have to go. There was d higher way, but the biz rain a few weeks ago washed away the bridge over Smiths fork, which was the nigh cut to Squire Smiths
 We left it to the landlord to provide us with rig and driver. The next morning wagon awaited us and we started. The driver was colored man. After we had got under way my lawyer begin qulzzing the driver , !" Do you live in smthville?' asked the lawyer
 :" eYas. sah. Lived heah ever sense I was bawn. " Were you ever a slave?
 " No, sah. Nah ole fatha WIZ. But his ole mastah, Jedge Owen Smith, done make him free befo he died
 What is your name?
 Nah fatha wus named Lonzo Smith. an when I wus bawn he named me for his ole mastah. But he ole mastah wus Twin an everybody got to callin' me Nigga Smith and ever body knows me by dat name.
 After we had seen Squire Smith and had transacted our business my lawyer told him how I had been having fun with the Smith family, and that we had been driven to his place by Nigga Smith. The Squire was a jolly old fellow, fond of applejack and a joke.
 He didn't tell you the truth as to his name,' said the Squire. He works for a miller in town and people call him Nigga Smith to distinguish him from his boss who is a white man, and whose name is Jim Smith
 AS we bade the Squire good-by he said to our driver:
 "'You can get back to town quicker and have a better road for these gentlemen if you go through the pasture and drive across the Smith ford
 And that is how we got back to Smith yille"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1906-12-16

which gradually came about in his taste: Next. I have to acknowledge to feeling a sort of resentment against certain things in which l used to take pleasure. I can't look at number of the Petit Journal
 Pour Rre or the Charivari without veXa- ton, almost anger. l cant find pleasure in q French novel written for the obvious purpose of appealing to instincts that ln- terfere with perception of higher things than instincts" Finally one can scarcely imagine the lIearn of twenty years ago speaking or thinking thus: T might say that l have become indifferent to personal pleasures of any sort-eXcept sympathy and sympathetic converse. What is more significant. l think. is the feeling that the greatest pleasure is to work for others for those who take il as d matter of course that I should do so, and would be as much amazed to find me selfish about il as if an earthquake had shaken the house down." He not only loved. but was beloved, and through this gentle discipline had learned a self-control which formerly he had never known Here are his own words; "T have at home a little world of about eleven people, to whom l am Love and Light and Food. Ii is very gentle world. 1t is only happy when am happy. If I am even tired il is silent and walks on tptoe. It is a moral force. l dare not fret about anything when ! can help it- for others would fret more" The letters, which make up large part of the work. deserve a separate article. as, through them, we may trace the gradual unfolding and evolution of that unique intellect hich touched with delicate spirit-dngers
The Birmingham age-herald., 1906-12-16
Scandalous.

From Puck
 MT. Moth-Glad to see you on your feet again old man. What caused all the trouble?
 His Neighbor-Why, l dined off a seemingly woolen overcoat, and it turned out to be the worst kind of shoddy. l tell you to the extent to which food adultera- tion is carried on nowadays is nothing short of criminal.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1906-12-16
How Antique Oak is Made.

the lovely and ghostly things of life and the thought-world.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1906-12-16

wrought nervous temperament, no longer very young, with imperfect eyesght, ap- pears gross imprudence; but it is evident that by that means he gained purer view of life than he had ever known before The birth of his adored first son seems to have awakened in him emotions until then undreamed of. His anXietes were doubled yet so was his happiness. With what tenderness he speaks of his wife and the newborn child, "The new experience brought to me for a moment with extra ordinary force, the knowledge of how sa- cred and terrible thing maternity is, and how even religion cannot hedge it about sufficiently with protection. Then I thought with astonishment of the possi- bilty that men could be cruel to women who bore their children, and the world seemed very dark for moment. When it was all over. l confess l felt very humble and grateful to the Unknowable Power which had treated us so kindly-and I said little prayer of thanks. feeling sure it was not foolish to do so."
The Birmingham age-herald., 1906-12-16
Marriage Shortened His Life.

Indirectly, his marriage, which anchored him in a country too cold for his constitu- tion, and for this reason injurious to his eyesight, must have been the means Of shortening his days; but no one can read the record of his life in Japan, as it may be pieeed out through his letters without feeling that his experience, with all the toll, cares, anxieties and responsibilities it entailed, was a kind of "way of re- demption' for him. It is plain that his nature became purified and his mind ele- vated. Read what he says of the change
The Birmingham age-herald., 1906-12-16

Our line of Rainproof Paddoeks is the biggest in town, and prices the smallest. Carefully tailored and per feet fit guaranteed. 5000 values for S100O, $i0.0 values for $l5.00, 5000 values for $20.G0.
 A big stock of them for little fel- lows at little prices. You may be sure of satisfactory selection. $500 grades for S3 20, 5000 grades for &.0O, SIP .00 grades for $500.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1906-12-16

As a Christmas gift Silk Rainproof garment Is very acceptable. We have a nice selection in various makes and colors. The most interesting part about them is their low priees--as low as a 80 % garment for SIP .00.
 What more useful gift is there than a Cravenette for your little miss. Our prices are small enough and qualities high to induce such gifts. Can be had as low as $4.00
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1906-02-02

maoadamized roads, the state to paw one
half of the estimated cost as far as the
allotment of each county goes. Under
the provisions Of the Luekey substitute,
the mptroller will be required to pay
Frederick county $14.s93 80 when the
county spends like sum, provided AN
appropriation of $aOO, O0o is made.
Other counties would receive the fol-
lowing sums: Alleganv. sS957.38; Anne
Arundel, $5,74172; Baltimore county,
14,479 81; Calvert, 81 334sa Caroline,
81 07s. IS: Carroll, So 963 n; Cecil, S.
255 SO; Charles. SCOT Os; Dorchester.
$7,773 SO: Gar EFT. $1s 1853 A.; Hartford,
$40. 636 So; Howard. $5,34t 90; Kent
$685. IS; Montgomery. $l0.a26 %; Prince
Grorge'>. s5O25 3 Queen Adnes, 50 2s5-
20; ST Harys, 81 80 IS; Somerset, 80 0 "A
IA; Talb't, IS 1877 IL: Washiu ston, 50,
9a327; W,comic,. 50 989 Sc; Worcester,
$lD76l O5
Under the provisions of MIR. Luckev's
bill the boards of commissioners Of the
sew. raj counties can let the work out by
contract or they Can tuild the roads
themselves, thus giving farmers an OPP
of the cost of the road.
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1906-02-02
Maryland r OaaccO Growers AS
sOciatiOn.

A Union of Baltimore commission
m ercbants bal ding tobacco was formed
on Saturday of last week at the request
of the Maryland Tobacco Growers Asso.
Cha ton, and "a conference. at which some
action for the disp. Sal of the crop of mex,
year will be taken. will be held shortly.
Messrs. 5 Rawlings, of J. s. Raw
lin Rs & Co; H q Dudley. of Dudley &
Carpenter; R L. Burwell, Of G. w. Owens
& Co.; Joseph l. Turner, Of urner 81
Owens, and J. J. F. Shaw, of the Mary
land Commission Agency, were appointed
committee with full powers to act for
the Union.
The growers association aims to cou,
troll the crop and to sell it for the best
price to be obtained. In the seach for a
method Of doing this, the growers desire
TO learn the commission mems views At
a conference at the Rennert thes mer-
chants were asked to form their own as
ISOLATION So that these matters could be
dealt with in a general way.
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1906-02-02
Cold Weather Ahead.

Following the springlike weather OF
the last few days, just shade cslder is
anticipated for the near future, with still
lower temperature in day or SO to come,
these conditions being expected to fol-
low storm which has made its presence
felt in the West of late. Freezing point,
however, is the lowest degree mentioned
80 that no zere temperature need be fear
ed until further warning
With February now ushered In, II
may BIZ interesting to remember that the
normal Temperature for that month dur
ing tue past IS years has been 320, the
warn.est month having been in 1890, with
an average of 430 The year of 1895. pro
duced the coluest February, with an
average of ESQ, while the highest recorded
in the month was 7So, on February %
1874, and the lowest was 70, on February
10, 1899 So, toe, the greatest February
snowfall fs- "a consecutive hours was on
February Is, 1899, when 15.5 inches was
recorded.
According to the records for 80 years,
the prevailing winds for February are
northwest, with an average velocity OF
seven miles, and high record of a miles
on February 10. 1898, and February 5
1908.
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1906-02-02
Substitute of Shoemaker Act.

In the House Mr.. Lucky has introduced
a bill prepared under the direction of the
Commissioners of Frederick County as a
substitute for the Shoemaker Good Roads
Act, for the repeal of which Mr.. Luckey
has already introduced bill.
i he substitute appropriates annually
o 1t of the State Treasury $500, 900, to b
apportioned among the several counties
in proportion to which the then existin
miles of pu bic roads in each county bear
to the then existing miles of public roads
in all the counties applying, as determin
ed by the comptroller.
The bill enables owners of two third :
of uplands bordering upon any public
road the improvement of which is desired
to present petition to the county com
missioners for such improvement, the pc
tilioners agreeing to pay 10 per cent. OF
the cost of the Improvement. If tie
county commissioners decide that the de
sired improvement is generally promstive
of good roads, and if the amount needed
is not provided for by the state fund, the
)mmissioners may have the necessary
surveys and estimates of cost made.
The road to be constructed is to- be
macadamzed or made Of trcford or 9th
er stone. of gravel or of other good ma
terial. The estimates of cost and spec fl
cations are to be made by the state engi
neer. Proposals for the construction OF
the roads shall be advertised If the bids
exceed the estimates Of the cost, they will
b. rejected The state is to pay one-half
II shall be the duty of each county to KEEP
each road in proper repair.
The main difference between. Mr.. Luck
ey's bill and the Shoemaker act is that
the former enables the commissioners OF
the several counties to build their OWE