davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1906-03-17
THE BINGHAM VERDICT.

J. j. Dunno and E. A Douthitt, at
torneys for plaintiff in the damage suit
of John bingham VS.. Honolulu Rapid
Transit & Land Co., have filed objec-
lions and exceptions to plaintiff bill
of exceptions. The grounds presented
in detail are mostly either that the de-
PENDANT offers no grounds for certain
exceptions in the bill or that it failed
to reserve exceptions at the trial, with
reference to the respective matters. In
the latter regard is the verdict of the
jury, the plaintiffs attorneys saying
that no exception was reserved by de-
PENDANT thereto nor any notice of mo-
ton for a new trial given. In conclu-
sion they move to strike out the whole
of the bill of exceptions on the ground
that it does not comply with a certain
rule of the Supreme Court. Natice is
given that the motion viii be presented
before Judge De Bolt on Wednesday
next. The present fight is over the
jury verdict of $4,000 damages for the
plaintiff.
THE HANDY MAN.
James A. Thompson, second deputy
clerk of the Judiciary department, went
to Wailuku last night to act as stenog-
opening today He is known in the de-
partment as ''the handy man, from
acting on occasion as either clerk,
stenographer or Hawaiian interpreter
The other day he acted as both stem
ographer and interpreter at the same
time in the Court of Land Registration.
COURT ITEMS.
In the foreclosure suit of James
Wakefield, trustee. VS. Henry G.. and
Mary Ann Spalding, deficiency judg-
ment against defendants for 1864 %.
including interest to March 10, has been
filed.
Sophie Miranda sues for divorce from
Arthur X. Miranda on account of de
sertion since 1900. They were married
N Honolulu by Rev. V. H. Kitcat on
September :, 1897.
Shio Shoda sues for divorce from
Torakiehi Shoda. alleging his failure to
support her. They were married at
The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1906-03-17

For sale By
THE HAWAIIAN GAZETTE CO.,
Ltd,
Price $500, postage prepaid.
Honolulu. T. e
The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1906-03-17

Saki Gun, Hiroshima, Japan, March 16,
1908.
Pekelo Uni, by his attorney NJ. F.
Prosser, denies the complaint of H. A.
Heen in ejectment and gives notice
that he will rely upon the defense of
adverse possession and the statute of
limitations.
Father H. Valentin,' guardian of
Manuel PederozO, an insane person, has
filed his second annual account, showing
receipts of $545.05 and payments OF
1921, making a balance of $324.05 for
the ward
The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1906-03-17
FIGHT STILL ON.

Cation Bros. & Co. are not accept
ing the recent decision of the supreme
court, in favor of the Territory and
its $4,000 verdict against them, as
finality They have filed brief in
which it is contended that Judge Gears
decision granting a new trial, though
made in San Francisco, is legal and,
if not. that Judge Lindsay had a right
to order a new trial as he did. The
supreme courts decision put them out
of court for neglect to file a bond on
their motion for a new trial in the
time required by law. They consider
it an equitable hardship to be COM
PEELED to pay $4,000 on account of
technicalitieS.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1906-11-25

like the name of this town because it
was outlandish and American, the
same as Oshkosh and Kalamazoo,
which are the only American towns
well known in London. He wanted to
change the name of the place to Smith
Lodge. Smithton-on-the-Sm
When Powhatan held out for good
old Indian name, because it was home
made, the captain made note that the
Americans were a vain and stubborn
lot, with an undue pride IN their own
shabby possessions.
1t is fair guess that Powhatan and
his friends tried to give the captain a
good time. Any Britisher with handle
to his name who lands in America is
sure to be smothered with social at
tentions.
The poor dubby American in London
dimes every day on cold shoulder and
sleeps at night under wet blanket,
but let some younger son named pom
sonby pronounced Punsby) arrive in
New York and eight or ten million
aires meet him at the dock and ask
him up to the house. And when he
does one of those velvet-hand touches
they reach for the red check-book and
come across without a whimper. On
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1906-11-25

made of the native maize and called
pone. When this simple repast was
spread before the captain he moaned
and said he wished he could be back AT
his club in London. where he could
draw up to a nice bloater with boiled
potato on the side.
After dinner he was interviewed. He
said that America seemed crude, but
full of promise. The inhabitants were
lacking in repose and refinement, and
they used too much iced water and
had a perverted sense of humor.
When he turned into his tepee that
night he set his boots outside, and
when he awoke in the morning and
found that they had not been neatly
vanished during the night he let out
an awful roar and said 1t was beast
ly country and that he was horribly
| annoyed.
That day Powhatan invited him out
to see some of the native games. The
simple children of the west had one
pastime which consisted of swatting
the ball and then running.
A number Of the local fans were out
to witness the game. They made a
great deal of noise roofing, and
seemed to enjoy the contest, but Cap
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1906-11-25
c.ce.c.o.s,.e,.a.e.Se.
BY Ellis Parker Butler.

and sent them to the Claims Depart
ment.
A few weeks later he received a reply
from the Claims Department. Attached
to 1t was his last letter.
DIR. Sir" said the reply. Your letter
of the 18th inst, addressed to this de-
partment subject rate on guinea pigs
from Franklin to Westcote, reed. We
have taken up the matter with our agent
at Westcote. and his reply is attached
herewith. lie informs us that you re-
fused to receive the consignment or to
pay the charges. You have therefore no
claim against this company, and your
letter regarding the proper rate on the
consignment should be addressed to our
Tariff Department"
Mr.. Morehouse wrote to the Tariff De-
partment lie stated his case clearly
and gave his arguments in full quoting
a page or two from the encyclopedia to
prove that guinea pigs were not common
pigs.
With the care that characterizes cor
porations when they are sympathetically
conducted, Mr.. Warehouses; letter was
numbered, O. KID and started through
the regular channels. Duplicate copies of
the bill of lading, manifest, Flannery's
receipt for the package and several other
pertinent papers were pinned to the let
ter, and they We're passed to the head Of
the Tariff Department.
The head of the Tariff Department put
his feet on his desk and yawned. He
looked through the papers carelessy.
Miss Kane" he said to his stenogra-
pher. take this letter. Agent, West
cote, n. j. Please advise why consign-
ment referred to in attached papers was
refused domestic pet rates -
Miss Kane made series of curves and
angles on her note book and waited with
pencil poised. The head of the depart
! ment looked at the papers again.
Hug! Guinea pgs! lie said. "Proba-
bly, starved to death by this time! Add
this to that letter. Give condition of
consignment at present
lie tossed the papers on to the stenog-
rapher's desk, took his feet from his own
desk and went out to lunch.
When Mike Flannery received the letter
he scratched his head.
Give prisint condition" he repeated
thoughtfully. Now, what do thin
clerks be wantin to know, | wonder,
Prisint condition. is ut? Thin pigs,
praise ST. Patrick. do be in good health,
so far as | know. but | niver was no
veterinary surgeon to dago pigs. Mebby
thin clerks wants. me to call in the pig
docther an have their pulses took. Wan
thing / do know, howiVer, which is
they've glorious appytites for pigs of
their soize Ate? They'd ate the bra SIS
padlocks off of a barn door, If the paddy
mig. by the same token, ate as hearty as
these dago pigs do, there'd be a famine
in Ireland"
To assure himself that his report would
be up TO date, Flannery went to the rear
of the office and looked into the cage,
The pigs had been transferred to a larger
box-a dry goods box.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1906-11-25

territory, and professed complete
ignorance of local history. Then after
dinner he sat around and told what
Lord Somebody had said to him while
they were up-country shooting grouse,
and that settled it.
Late at night the chief and a few
of the wise men of the village held a
pow-wow
81 deem it advisable to maintain
friendly relations with all of the great
powers" said Powhatan, in opening
the conference, but there is limit to
human endurance. Even a peaceable
Indian may be goaded to madness If
he is walked on too often. The dis
tinguished Englishman has come
among us. We have decorated his wig
wan with flowers and fed him GA wild
turkey. How does he repay us? He
is keeping a diary and getting ready
to roast us in book to be issued in
the early autumn. What shall we do
to protect ourselves?
Some suggested scalping. Others
thought that burning at the stake with
slow fire would be about the proper
| punishment. One of the head men
| suggested a combination of the two.
and said that they could lend variety
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1906-11-25

"PZGS IS PIGS"


Guinea pigs, or dago pigs or Irish pigs
is all the same to the Interurban Express
company an to Mike Flannery. TIL ma
tionalty of the pig creates no differen-
TALLY in the rate, Misther Morehouse!
'Twould be the same was they Dutch
pigs or Rooshun pigs. Mike Flannery,"
he added, lis here to tind to the express
business an not to slvinteen languages
for to discover be they Chinese or Tip
perary by birth an nativity"
Mr. Morehouse hestated He bit his
lip and then flung out his arms wildly.
Very weln' he shouted, you shall
hear of this! Your president shall hear
of this! 1t is an outrage! | have offered
you fifty cents You refuse it! Keep the
pigs until you are ready to take the fifty
cents but. by George sir, If one hair of
those pigs heads is harmed L will have
| the law on your
| He turned and stalxed out, slamming
the door. Flannery carefully lifted the
| soap box from the counter and placed
| 1t in corner. lie was not worried lie
| felt the peace that comes to faithful
servant who has done his duty and done
| it well.
Mr. Moorehouse went home raging. His
boy, who had been awaiting the guinea
| pigs knew better than to ask him for
| them. He was a normal boy and there
| fore, always had a guilty conscience
| when his father was angry. SO the boy
| slipped quietly around the house. There
| is nothing so soothing to a guilty con-
science as to be out of the path of the
| avenger.
Mr. Morehouse stormed into the house
| where's the ink?" he shouted at his
wife as soon as his foot was across the
door sill.
Mrs. Morehouse jumped guilty.. She
| never used ink. She had not seen the
| ink, nor moved the ink. nor thought of
the ink but her husbands tone convicted
| her Of the guilt or having borne and
reared n boy, and she knew that when-
| ever her husband wanted anything in a
| loud voice the boy had been at 1t.
| "IH find sammy" she said meekly.
When the ink was found Mr.. More
house wrote rapidly, and he read the
completed letter and smiled triumphant
smile.
THAT will settle that crazy Irishman!
| he exclaimed when they get that let
| ter he will hunt another job all right!'
| A week later Mr.. Morehouse received
( a long official envelope with the card OF
| the Interurban Express company In the
upper left corner He tore 1t open eager
| ly and drew out a sheet Of paper. AT
| the top it bore the number A6l54 The
| letter was short "Subject-Rate on
guinea pigs" it said: Or Strive are
| i'm receipt of your letter regarding rate
/ on guinea pigs between Franklin and
| Westcote, addressed TO the president of
| this company. All claims for overcharge
should be addressed to the Claims De-
| partment."
| Mr. Morehouse wrote to the Claims De-
partment. lie wrote six pages of choice
sarcasm, virtuperation and argument,
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1906-11-25
.o'o.c.c.c.c.o.o.o.o.o.c
POcAHONTAs AND CAPTAIN SMITH

, the manner of auctioning off the pools,
the ventilation of the smoking room
and anything else that came under his
observation.
Also his pictures show tnat he had
bushy whiskers, parted in the middle.
No wonder people wanted to hand him
something.
In his desire TO be the entire works
he overplayed his hand, and finally the
other eolonists combined against him,
put him under arrest and locked him
in the hold, whereupon he wrote Il
letter of indignant protest to the Lon
don Times, sealed it in a bottle and
dropped it overheard.
The Virginia coast was sighted on
April 26, 1906. Fortunately it was a
clear day. If it had been a foggy day
and the coast had not been sighted
the whole continent of North America
would have been compelled to struggle
along for 800 years without any first
families.
Those who belong to the second fam
lilies never get any mention in the
pedigree certificate. There is no place
or show money in the aristocracy.
Those who are not bell-cows merely
trail
As soon as the colonist sighted the
Virginia coast they opened their sealed
orders and learned that Captain John
Smith, who was at that moment locked
up below with the live stock, had been
named as one of the council of seven
to govern the new settlement.
They discovered the Royal Command
and kept him out of the council for
several weeks. Why did they after
ward relent and give him a place on
the governing board? Because when
they had started the building of James
town they discovered that Smith was
the only man who knew how to work
the Indians for supplies.
1t is interesting to note that even
in that remote period the celebrity
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1906-11-25
SOME OLD STORIES RET0LD... 5555s

to the performance by shooting pois-
oned arrows into the victim while he
was writhing in the death agony. An
other thought that running the gantler
would be fair compromise, and still
another asked, "Why not have him
dragged by wild ponies?"
After giving due consideration to all
of their suggestions, the great chief
spoke as follows:
"The trouble is you are all trying
TO ring in on my private vengeance.
am the one who has suffered most, and
want everybody else to stand back
and let me hand him one joke that he
will understand. Tomorrow | will Sc
lect the largest and wartiest war club
in the village, and l will spread our
noble guest out in front of me and
then I won't do thing to him.
When Captain John Smith, F. r. s.,
learned next morning that he was to
be taken to the public square and
mauled to death with club he entered
a formal protest in the name of the
crown.
He knew that the first duty of a
British subject anywhere or at any
time, and no matter what happens, is
to enter a formal protest.
Then he said he wished to notify
the English CONSUL but there was no
English consul within 5000 miles.
He thought some of writing another
letter to the London Times, but the
mail service was very. irregular, and,
while he was still making a dignified
effort to formulate his plans, the COM
mittee on public safety pounced on
him and carried him to the place Of
execution
Powhatan, club in hand, was waiting
and did a war dance around the pros
trate form of the we'll known traveller
and popular author.
This may never happen again in
all history" said he, "but for once the
humble native American is going to
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1906-11-25

liver them and collect charges at the
rate of % cents each.
Flannery spent a day herding his
charges through a narrow opening IN
their cage so that he might count them.
audit Dept" he wrote, when he had
finished the count, you are way off
there may be was one hundred and sixty
dago pigs once, but wake UP DOM De
back number. I've got even eight hun
bred, now shall I collect for eight hun
bred or what. how about sixty-four dol
lars l paid out for cabbages.'
1t required great many letters back
and forth before the Audit Department
was able to understand why the error
had been made of billing one hundred
and sixty instead of eight hundred, and
still more time for 1t to get the meaning
of the "cabbages."
Flannery was crowded into a few feet
at the extreme front of the office. The
pigs had all the rest of the room and
two boys were employed constantly at
tending to them. The day after Elan
merry had counted the guinea pigs there
were eight more added to his drove, and
by the time the Audit Department gave
him authority to collect for eight hun
bred Flannery had given up all attempt
to attend to the receipt or the delivery
of goods. He was hastily building gal
leries around the express office, tier
above tier. lie had 4oo4 guinea PISS u
care for! More arriving daily.
Immediately following its authorization
the Audit Department sent another let
ter, but Flannery was too busy to open
1t. They wrote another and then they
telegraphed:
Error in guinea pig bill. Collect for
two guinea pigs, fifty cents. Deliver all
TO consignee."
Flannery read the telegram and cheered
up He wrote out a bill as rapidly as
his pencil could travel over paper and
! ran all the way to the Morehouse home
At the gate he stopped suddenly. The
house stared at him with vacant eyes
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1906-11-25
BY GEORGE AIDE

pleasant with you, and you have
patronized me. We know that we are
the simple children of the wilderness,
but we don't like to have any man
with your kind of whiskers come along
and rub it in on us. For that rea-
son, | shall take much pleasure in
soaking you good and plenty"
Powhatan raised his hickory club,
and as he did so there was a piercing
scream, and his beautiful daughter,
Pocahontas, sprang between him and
the recumbent victim.
do not strike him, father" she
pleaded. Spare him, for my sake"
Let me give him just one" begged
the chief; sit is coming to him."
You must not take his life" said
Pooahontas, kneeling before her father
Il have been talking with him, and
have shown him my bank account, and
he has promised to get me into London
society"
Impossible" exclaimed Powhatan,
dropping his club. How could a ma
tive American ever hope to break into
that exclusive circle?"
Then Captain Smith spoke up.
Il assure you that an American
heiress can do very well in London, :"
said he; that is, il she leaves her
parents at home"
And will you really take my poor
child over there and have her mingle
with the smart set and be presented
at court and all that?p asked the eager
chief releasing the bonds of the cap
tive.
q shall attempt it," said the cap
tain, arising and busting himself off
and once more assuming his air of
naughty superiority. even an Ameri-
can may get on in London if the coin
holds out, and he has the right kind Of
backing"
And that is how it happened that
Captain John Smith escaped, even aft
er the club was lifted over his head,
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1906-11-25

"Wan-two-t'ree- six siv-
in-eightl" he counted. "Svin spotted
an wan all black. All we'll an hearty
an all eatin' loil1e ragin hippy-potty-
muses." He went back to his desk and
wrote.
MIR. Morgan, Head of Tariff Depart
ment," he wrote ''Why do L say dago
pigs is pigs because they is pigs and will
be til you say they amt which is what
the rule book says stop your jollying
me you know 1t as we'll as / do AS to
health they are all we'll and hoping you
are the same p. S. There are eight
now the family increased all good eaters.
p. s. l paid out so far two dollars for
cabbage which they like shall l. put In
bill for same whatY'
Morgan, head of the Tariff Department,
when he received this letter, laughed. He
read it again and became serious.
by George" he said, "F'lannery is
right Pigs is pigs I'll have to get
authority on this thing. Meanwhile Miss
Kane, take this letter: Agent, West
cote, N j. Regarding shipment guinea
pigs File No A6754 Rule SO, General
Instruction to Agents, clearly states that
agents shall collect from consignee all
costs of provender, etc, required Tor live
stock while in transit or storage. You
will proceed to collect same from con-
signee.'"
ing, and when he read 1t he grinned.
Proceed to collect" he said, softly.
! How thin clerks do loike to be talkin'!
Me proceed to collect two dollars and
| twinty-foive cints off Misther Morehouse!
l wonder do thin clerks know NIisther
Morehouse? I'll git it! oh, yes! 'Misther
Morehouse, two an a quarter, Place.
| 'Certnly, my dear frind tlannery. De
| lighted" Not!'
| Flannery drove the express wagon to
| Mr.. Warehouses; door. Mr.. Morehouse
answered the bell.
"Ah, ha,' he cried, as soon as he saw
| it was Flannery. 80 you've come to
your senses at last, have you? l thought
you would! Bring the box in
II hey no box said Flannery. coldly.
| 81 hev bill agin Mr. John c. More
house for two dollars and twinty-fove
cints for kebbages aten by his dago pigs.
Wud you wish to Ply u?
Pay Cabbages-!" gasped Mr..
Morehouse. do you mean to say that
two little guinea pigs
Eight" said Flannery. Papa an
mama an the six childer. Eight.
For answer Mr.. Morehouse slammed
| the door in Flannery's face. Flannery
| looked at the door reproachfully.
Il take ut the con-sgn'y don't want to
| pay for thin kehbages," he said. III
| know signs of refusal, the con-sign-y re-
fuses to pay for wan dang kepoage lear
an be hanged to me-.
| Mr. Morgan the head of the tariff de-
partment. consulted the president OF the
Interurban Express company regarding
guinea pigs, as to whether they were pigs
| or not pigs The president was inclined
| to treat the matter lightly.
.What Is the rate on pigs and on pets?"
| he asked.
Pigs thirty cents, pets twenty five,
said Morgan.
''rhen of course guinea pigs are pigs
said the president
yes" agreed Morgan, Il look at 1t
that way, too. A thing that can come