Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1906-05-07

" I j tel ss':: ::s::;ss.s ID
ent Of the road
in Boston as follows: "Will you stop
the 9 o'clock express at Westerly to-
night for large party for Boston?'
The answer came: Eyes. Will stop
train"
When the train pulled into Westerly
the conductor said, "Where is that
large party we were teIegraphed to
stop here for?'
Il am the large party" replied Reed,
and he boarded the train.
During the Sampson-Schley dispute
Reed thus delivered himself: 1T seems
to me this Sampson-Schley controversy
is very pretty scrap between a man
who wasn't there and one that would
not have been there if he could have
helped it."
While Reed was speaker he tele-
graphed one of his political henchmen,
"Come at once, to Washington"
There had been a severe storm in
Maine, which had impeded traffic con-
siderably, SO Reed received the fol
lowing reply: Cant come; big wash
out on the line"
To which Reed replied, Never mind;
buy clean shirt and come along any
way"
Congressman Cousins Of Iowa has a
nervous habit Of scratching the back of
his left hand with the fingers of his
right. One day when Speaker Reed
was candidate for the presidency he
noticed Cousins popularity and called
out to him:
did you ever have the itch, young
man"
Inspired by desperation, the embar-
raised Cousins shot this reply at the
imperious Reed: 1--WE never had the
presidential itch!'
Reeds full moon face turned GRIM
son, but from that time on the two
were the closest friends.
When another congressman told Reed
that he believed the people would elect
him president the speaker remarked,
"Well, they could dc worse, and 1 have
no doubt they WILL"
To -talkative barber with a hair
tonic to sell Reed said: Yes, I was
born quite bald. Afterward enjoyed
brief period of hirsute eff1orescence,
but It did not endure"
The barber gasped and said no more.
Later some one told him he had shaved
the speaker. "Speakahv' he exclaimed.
Don I know dat? l should say he
was a speakah, sure 'nufr'
In the days when his brain and body
were bigger than his reputation Reed
was taken in hand by friend who
sought to make him acquainted with a
somewhat noted Maine judge, whose
influence, 1t was hoped, might prove
valuable.
AS a precautionary measure. the
struggling young lawyer was warn
ed not to offend the eminent juEist,
who was extremely sensitive with re-
gard to hts diminutfve size.
The introduction took place at an
suspicious moment. The Judge con-
descendingly offered his hand, when,
from his superior height, Reed looked
straight over the head of the little great
man and, with eoufcal side glance
at his friend, asked bIandly:
"Where is, he?"
A story is told Of Reed by neighbors
who knew him in his childhood to the
effect that once, when sent to the gro
Gerry store with jug for vinegar. he
forgot what he was told to get and,
when asked by the grocer what he.
wanted, replied, Smell of the Jug and
give me quart"
Reed, who was very fat. often de-
clared that no gentleman weighed over
200 pounds. One Of the biggest things
about him was his neck. While in
Portsmouth. N. H., he visited a haber-
dasher and asked for a collar.
What size?" piped the clerk.
"Size No. 90" answered Reed.
I'VE don't keep collars so large, but
l think you may be accommodated at
the store just around the corner.''
Reed found the store around the cor
ner to be harness shop.
What l admire most about Roose-
velt," the speaker said one day, sis his
enthusiasm over his discovery of the
Ten Commandments"
Horizontal Bill' Morrison of I'LL
nois in house debate one day re-.
peated in rather lofty manner Henry
Clay's famous sentiment, 81 would
rather be right than president"
Whereupon Reed convulsed the house.
by drawing in his inimitable way, ''The
gentleman from Illinois win never be
either"