St. Johns review. (Saint Johns, Or.) 1904-current, 1906-01-12

A florist in Portland named Pfunder,
Had store that caused people TO pwon-
der
When they went by the shop
All the people would stop,
And calculate, "Don't that beat Pthun-
derl"
Sometimes it seems as If the only
way fellow could get warm was
to die.
At Dallas a man named Ed Plas-
ter runs dray. Porous, wood
fibre, or Parisi
Do the young men who write the
mother" letters for the late-lamen-
ted Lydia Pinkham use pe-ru-na!
Some women are bound to make
the last half of their call on the
front porch with The door wide
open.
II is stated that the mechanism
of an auto Is more complicated
than that Of mules hind leg and
just about as dangerous.
The New York Life has Topped
~ a month off every scrub lady"
in the building. Economy in little
things is what counts, after all.
Blessed are the peace. makers"
blu, don't mix in when a man
and wife (his own wife) are hav-
ing a couple Of rounds without
gloves.
Will the sweet-voiced woman
who called me ''lovey" over the
phone a few weeks ago please call
again. Those whiskers are now
grown out.
A new story-writer is Helen A.
Bagg. II I had Helen a Bagg I'd
weight the bag aud throw Il into
the Willamette. phewl Wouldn't
the water boil!
Stand up at one end of a street
car, cause all the passengers to look
at you: then yawn. The chances
are that 90 per cent Of all who saw
YOU will do the same.
OF course Tom Richardson goes
OH the California 'scursion. An
excursion without Tom would be
like New York BY Gaslight"
with no view of Brooklyn bridge
A san Francisco man turned OH
the gas when his ninth child was
born. and went into the hereafter.
The only trouble with him that he
put off taking gas one year too
long.
A meat-market down at Kalama
is advertising fouls" Speaking
of foul fowls did you ever walk
along Front street in Portland and
see the rich" chickens and old
hensl
Evidently Henry Holdphas,
Rogers knows when to keep still.
lie believes In the old saying that
you can lead a man before the
commissioners-but you can't make
him talk. 4"
A man has been found dead in
btd AZ Aberdeen. Washington.
Did II ever strike you that more
people died in bed, in this great
American country, than in any
other way
MANY football player who
thinks he'd make a good half-back |
or even quarter back-hnds from
that he's only a draw
back, This doesn't apply to a
moss back.
When a woman is carrying home
a lobster she likes to have the bun
lie tared ont so people will think
is new hat unless the lobster
IS right beside her in the car-or
hanging on to a strap.
A Maine girl arrived in Portland
his week who has been after one
'ellow for 10 years. Now she's
married to him. She must be a
-ather old girl now-but she's
no use kicking,
Behind the Scenes With Bern
lardt' is column now being run
~ some of the metropolitan papers.
10 20 behind some OF Sarah's
scenes would he a mighty danger
nus proposition for most people,
II Preacher Wise was as wise as
lis name would indicate he'd know
'etter than TO stipulate that the
'nlpit was To be "muzzled." !" A
Minister who should preach wholly
II God and about God would not
ong hold city pulpit.
Kangaroo Fiizsimmons and his
vine, having gotten all the ad-
'ertislng notoriety necessary for
mother tour, have kissed and made
lp in real pugilistic ring fashion.
They will be lat home" to their
equaintanceS till after the next
lme.
II all OF oregon's paper railroads !
ould be circled in a quarter section
o that all the contemplated loco
iotives might get together. and a |,
ew OF the"dead ones" placed in the
ulfs eye, how long would the '