The Caldwell tribune. [volume] (Caldwell, Idaho Territory [Idaho]) 1883-1928, 1906-05-26

Dealer
Pauline-It is hardly fair to blame
our faults on our ancestors. Penelope
oh, they blamed their faults ON their
ancestors.-Ex.
He talks great deal about his fam
lily tree" THAT may account for the
tales I've heard about his shady past"
Philadelphia Ledger.
Cant l go out In the back yard
and play In the garden, mamma?" Ger
tainly not, child, you must stay in and
study your nature books. Life.
Askitt-Do you believe In the sur
vival Of the fittest? Digwell-I don't
believe In the survival of anybody; I
am an undertaker.-Town Topics.
How would you like your steak,
sah? asked the waiter. IF it's all the
same to you and the cook, I'd like it on
a plate in hurry. "-Milwaukee Senti-
mel.
"Our cashier" said the bank presi-
dent, has recently acquired half in
terest In yacht" WELL" rejoined the
vice president, Il hope he won't be-
come full-fedged skipper" Chicago
News.
Blinker-Are you blind or crazy,
man? Do you really think Miss Heavy
thinge has handsome figure? Clnker
We'll, 100000 is the handsomest
figure that could ever see !-Pittsburg
Gazette.
HE used to complain because he
never got what he wanted to eat"
Yes, but he's very rich now" YES,
and now he complains because he never
wants what he gets to eat"-Philadel-
phia Press.
II amt been to Boston fur good
many years." said the old lady who
reads without her glasses, "but II ever
do go agln, the fust thing I'm goln
t do Is t go hear one r. them SYM
pathy concerts"
| Gladys-I call 1t an automobile en-.
gagement Maude-N hats an automo.
bile engagement Gladys-One that
starts off all right, but nobodys quite
dead sure that 1t will be able to keep
on going.-Life.
Mrs. Nuritch-I want to get pair
Of the most expensive gloves you got.
Clerk-Yes'm. How long do you want
them? Mrs. Nuritch-Don't be impu-
dent, young man. l want to buy 'em.
not hire 'em.-Ex.
! Mr.. Jones-My daughter Is only eigh-
teen-you had better wait until she Is
older.
The Lover-Well, I've waited two
years for her to get older, but she still
stays at eighteenl
Hoskins-I don't object so much to
Fanny kissing her dog, but l prefer
her to kiss me before and not after.
Wilkins-I know; but don't you sup
pose the dog. has his preference, tool
Boston Transcript.
Helm glad now that 1 didn't mar
~ that woman. She's confirmed old
maid. She-How fortunate that re-
jected that man. Here he. is a con-
1rmed bachelor, thing that l detest.
Minneapolis Tribune.
Miss Stocksanbons-I thought saw
the baron come in. Where is he? Mr..
Stocksanbons-He has just had an In.
terview with me; and at present he ia
In the library trying to figure out
whether he loves you or not-Life.
Mrs. Talker-It must be awfully
hard work thinking up bright things to
write all the time Scribbler-Well, II
is; but the hardest part is getting edi-
tors to think that they are bright after
they are written.-Somerville Journal
"Just from Ireland, are your" asked
Mrs. Hiram Often of the applicant,
land were you trained across the wa.
ter?" "Shure, We must know betther
nor that, ma'am," replied the girl; 81
was shipped across. "-Philadelphia
Press.
An Excited yoice-Hello, hello, Is
this the city editor? Well, one of your
men down here at this fire has fallen
down the elevator shaft and is very
badly hurt. Busy City Editor-Never
mind; I'll send down another.-Com.
mercial Tribune.
Mrs. Chugwater-This paper says
that the passengers escaped on a raft.
How could they make a raft at sea
Mr.. Chugwater-They could use the
ships log, couldn't they? Why don't
you use your own reasoning faculties
once in a while?-Chicago Tribune.
81 understand your wife is quite liter
ary."
II should say so; she won ten
dollar prize from the Ladies' Own
Journal with an article on How we
managed to save enough In two years
to move twice and pay the plumber for
connecting the gas range Puck.
az expect" said the fair maid, who
had talked for fifteen consecutive min
utes without permitting him to get in
a word edgeways, you are tired of
hearing me talk"
mot at ALL" replied the gallant
young man. "I get shaved at bar