davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-09-05
HUMOR OF TIE Day

Tiny Sister crushing into big sisters
room)-Please hurry. Lulu Mr.. White ID
Lulu Very grandly. while she dabs hel
face with the powder-pug)-Very well
Tiny sister (nervously)-oh please donY
wait to shave.-Woman's Home Compan
silas Hayneld-That stun growing over
Miss summergirI-Do they have to pull
them up to get the cats?-Life.
Artist (broke)-Yes. I'm making good
begun to take an interest in my paintings
-F'ligende Batter
Cholly-I thought perhaps you had
Mildred onsensel You are just al
es MISSIONS hsTs Bore be IS E M5x b. tbs
she-pid you ever see the Homer twinsi
she-Don't you think the boy is pic.
ture of his father?
phonograph of her mother.-Chicags
Darling, do you love me still2"
How can I tell, dearest? 1 have never
seen you that way. Baltimore Ameri-
Angler-Do hsh. bite around here?
inherent bystander.-New York Sun.
Mike-Kin yure wolfe cook as good as
yllre mother used to, Pat2
Pat-She cannot; but OF niver mintion
ut. She kin throw considerable betther.-
Judge.
ssDo you think a woman can endure
more than mani" she asked.
mo he replied How long could any
woman endure it if she had to sit and
hear her husband dc. ali the taIking?''-
Chicago Record-Herald-
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-09-05
GLOBE SIGHTS.
Iron the Atchison Globe
what 2 lot there is to read!


What 2 lot there is to readi
We sometimes think the greatest Of
all virtues is politeness-
When performing long Journey
and you are very tired, ever see a bug
gy going your way?
Looking for business is like looking
for four leaf c1overs which somebody
else always finds easily enough.
If Luther Burbank is so smart. why
doesn't he grow watermelons that have
handles on them to carry them by?
When d man who boards is invited
out to a great many meals, does 1t
mean that he is popular or a good
manager?
That's all right" men have a ha-
bit of saying, Il guarantee it" But an
Atchison man insists on guarantees be-
ing in cash.
After a girl reaches fifteen, and puts
on long dresses what happens to her
legs? They are covered up, and SO far
as people know they become crooked.
When a woman says it is no trouble
for her to have company, that's one
way of telling the neighbors that ev-
erything at her house is always IN
company order.
Il can't see" said Church White to-
day, why men make so much fuss
when their marriage engagement Is
announced in the papers. When I was
married, It was advertised as extern
sively as Gentry's dog and pony show,
and 1 liked it,
It has happened many times when
Miss Princess returns to her fathers
palace and is happy in the thought Of
the imposing appearance she made
when on the streets that she finds the
torn hem of her petticoat was dragging
all the time she was down town, and
she is so Inundated that her haughtf-
ness falls from her like garment
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-09-05
FRON OTHER PENS


i
Of course it is possible that the rail-
reads working under the general
agreement that controls them in diff
ft.rent territories have no other desire
than to increase their passenger trafnc
when they offer cut rates to New York
Of. the occasion of the homecoming
OF William J. Bryan. But at the same
time ic Will give the magnates much
satisfaction to show to President
Roosevelt that he has no monopoly on
popularity The cutting OF rates Tor
political reception of the kind that IS
to be rendered to Bryan is so unusual
that a great many men will be inclined
to regard it as significant. They will
find in it proof that instead of going
out of politics the railroad managers
propose TO get il deeper than ever and
to do what they can 10 punish the men
who Interfere with the privileges they
have arrogated to themselves. AS for
party the railroad corporation knows
none. 1t is a Democrat in Georgia and
a Republican in Pennsylvania. It adj
inst its politics to its profits In this It
furnishes a good example for the citi-
zen to follow. If he would be more
careful of his own interest and care
less for so-called party interest he
would get a government more to his
liking. But so long as he sticks to his
PARTY whether it is right or wrong he
throws away the power he has to make
his party right He usually sets I'D an
oligarchy to Which he must pay tribute
and he parts with his goods for his
rsrtys sake when he would be serving
himself and his party better by keep
ing his goods for himself. Railroad
corporations long ago discovered that
the party for them was the dominant
parry in the community. They learned
the weakness of the citizen. who to
keep his party clear and regular.
would submit to being plundered. SO
thew Joined his party and plundered
hirn-Pittsburg Leader.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-09-05
KANSAS COAAENT
BENEvOLENCE.

President RfpIey's theory that in the
psss business the railroads are perfect
~ willing to give something for nothing
viii be met by the people with sus-
so little in money value, as Mr.. Rip
ley's letter would lead the uninformed
to infer, why not give the figures? In
Texas, the only state having pass hg-
456, 900 passes. over 40.0 900 Of them an
nuals. Just what the average cash val
ue of each pass would be is not known,
but it would not be unfair TO assume
that they would be worth several doll
lars apiece. The absolute giving away
of these without any expectation OF re-
turn whatever is a piece of benevolence,
Observation-Disclosures Chronicle.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-09-05
REFLECTIONS OF A BACHELOR.

From the New York Press
Half the time a girl gets engaged
Just for practice.
Most men have to be in love with
somebody, even If it's their own wife
A very rich widow can get vary
stout without any one daring to cal
her fat.
II a man did the things he tells ~,
sons to do he would think he was =
milk-sop-
When a man tries to build A chick,
en- house himself to save money It's
sign he Is going TO be broke for fhs
next three years.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-09-05

Sam Small, the eloquent evangelist
whom DR.. Torrey reconverted, wds talk
ing in Atlanta about human nature
Human nature" he said, s'has a lot
of cussedness in 1t. Men like to do bad
things rather than good things. They
even take a pride in being bad. They
boast about their Wickedness- They
seem to be born that way.
Il once saw handsome bright little
chap of or 9 sitting under an apple
tree reading a book.
/" There's a fine little fellow I
thought; a clean-minded. manly little
chap. I'll see what his ambition is
And I approached the boy, patted
him on the head, and said:
- Well. my young friend, what is
your ambition?
I'd like said the boy, to have peo-
pie tremble like aspen leaves AZ the
mere mention of my lame. tx
change
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-09-05
Govcrnor Was Willing.

When Governor Head was in Office
in New Hampshire, Colonel Barrett,
an estimable member of the governors
staff. died. and there was an unseemly
scramble of wouldbe successors for the
office, even While his body was await
Ing burial with military honors.
One candidate, somewhat holder
than the rest, ventured to call upon
Governor Head, thinking to ascertain
the bent of the governors mind upon
the important question.
Governor" he asked. mot to speak
in a manner too positive, do you think
you would have any objections if I was
to get into Colonel Barrett's place ?"
The answer came promptly: mo,
I don't think I should have any objec-
tons, if the undertaken is willing
Unidentified
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-09-05

He had been counting the girl for a
long time. It happened on Sunday
night after church. They were sitting
on the sofa and she looked with in
effable tenderness into his noble blue
eyes.
sfrrov,, ,,,.1rv,,,,vn1 q
tremor in her voice, didn't you tell
me once you would be willing to do
any act of heroism for my sake?"
Eyes. Mary. and 1 gladly reiterate
that statement now" he replied, in
confident tones. mo noble Roman of
old was fired with a lofier ambition,
a drawer resolution, than T.
'sWell. Tom, 1 want you to do some
thing really heroic for me-"
Speak, darling! What is it?"
Ask me to be your wife. We've
been fooling long enough. It'd Bits.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-09-05
NOT YET DETERMINED.

Zoe Cannon is now a fuH HeGged
candidate for president in 1908. Can
non is an old fossil and if he should
succeed Roosevelt We should have a
practical demonstration of the truth OF
Inc old proposition that it is but a
step from the sublime to the ridicu-
lous." If this country decides to trade
Teddy off-which she hasn't yet deter
mined to do-she is going to trade him
for Bryan in 190s.-Mankato Advocate.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-09-05
MAKING WADEs.

]. E. Wade, county treasurer Of Cloud
county, bueked the grain market for all
he was worth and at least $4,000 more.
then skipped, and his bondsmen are
sweating. Incidentally he was some
thing of a s'booze fighter and gambler
but the board of trade did the business.
This is the substance of his confession.
He is an old buck; no harm particular
~ in his downfall, except to himself
His bondsmen knew him probably as a
good fellow when they signed They
are getting what they took chances in
The bucket shop in this town is busy
and the manufacture of Wades is one
of the logical outcomes.-Clay Center
Times
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-09-05

more for himself. Mr. Hearst regard
ed government ownership Of railroads
as his own especial property, but MI
Bryan took it away from him at the
first opportunity. Now win Mr. Roose-
welt "swipe" that from Bryan2
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-09-05

we would pause to ask if there is a
moving picture machine trained on the
Cuban revolution. If not. viii the
revolution kindly cease to revolve un-
tn a machine is procured? Let not q
revolution go to waste in these modern
days and leave no accurate moving
picture record behind of its glorious
aehsevenaeu
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-09-05

1t is very evident that MI Bryan is
not afraid to speak out in meeting,
Judging from the remarks he made
ahnrt one Roger sullivan in Chicago.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-09-05

Now that the Democrats have de-
clared for the enforcement of the pro-
hibitory law, will they have something
on the side at their annual banquet
mex. February2
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-09-05

In a toy shop yesterday a woman
spent many minutes examining a great
variety of toys. Finally holding up a
rubber elephant, she asked: do you
think he would like this, and do you
think he could chew it UP at once -
A listener thought: What a de-
structive child that woman must
havei" But after few more utter
ances it dawned on the outsider that it
was for a dog the toy was being
bought. The salesman said that there
were many customers who came reg
ularly every week to buy toys for their
pet dogs. Another fad of certain So
ciety women is to knit sweaters for
their dogs.-New York Press.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-09-05

my son, said a clerical looking gen
tlenaan to small boy, what church
does your father belong tor Don't
know" said the boy. he is either a
stand patter or a revisionist. He said ne
was going with the gang no matter
which one they Joined. ''-Velleville Tel
eSCODe.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-09-05

Twenty-seven persons were Killed and
SO wounded by a bomb dropped at a
reception given by the Russian premier
at st. Petersburg last Saturday. The
anarchists themselves were blown to
pieces, but Premier Stolypin escaped
with slight wounds. The desperation
of men willing to die themselves in or
der to reach high officials whom their
order has. condemned. makes the tenure
Of life a little uncertain in Russia
Jewell Republican.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-09-05

Wasn't it a little brash Of Mr..
Bryan to go over to New Jersey and
make unkind remarks about the
trusts. when trusts are New Jersey 5
chief product7
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-09-05

The Democratic party knows what
It stands for now anyway Mr. Bryan
has presented it with set Of prinei-
pies, all cut and htted. All the party
has to do now is to wear them.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-09-05

We note with regret that Colonel
Drinkwater, the Massachusetts Demo-
GRAFT who was sent to help welcome
Mr. Bryan, got lost IN the shuttle some
where. It might have been expected
that a name like that would be out of
place on such an occasion.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-09-05

Very likely it will be discovered that
Mr.. Roger Sullivan is another Demo-
crat who doesn't believe in govern
nnent ownership of railroads.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-09-05

Rfr. Bryan IS conservative in this,
at least: He realizes that the shouts
Of enthusiasm he heard the other
night do not necessarily mean that he
will be president He las heard them
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-09-05
A CRYING NEED.

We are very glad to notice. in that
list of words which the president has
ordered spelled the new way, such Ia
miliar friends as paleozoic, dactylic,
phthisis and pharyngeal. Like any 9TH
er Common Plug Citizen, we use such
words as these hundreds of times each
day, and if there is anything that men
need. that women can't possibly get
along without, and that babies cry for.
it's a new and improved way of spelling
these familiar words.-Kingman jour
nal.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-09-05
Az TNFFR FNCE,

Standard OIL IS now said to be try
ing to get possession of all the distil
the chorus girls home are evidently to
be made happy.-Iouisville Times.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-09-05

The wichita Eagle serves notice
that it isn't going back on its advo-
ea.cv of an income tax just because
w. ]. Bryan also favors it.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-09-05

H B. Kelly might perhaps get con-
siderable fun out OF running for con-
gress against Mr.. Curtis but it isn't
likely that he would get within sight OF
congress
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-09-05

They, however, who buy the cam
paign cigars are pleasantly conscious
that disturbances down in Havana
have nothing to do with the case
Richmond Times Dispatch
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-09-05

After all. the visits of the shah of
Persian to Western Europe are to bear
fruit. Why should not Emperor Mich
olas also set out upon series of
travels to other lands New York
Tribune.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-09-05

Lincoln, Neb.. isn't a pennant win
ner this year. but it IS walking chesty
5ust the same.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-09-05

Mr.. smulski and Mr.. Pietrowski are
the opposing candidates of state
treasurer In Pennsylvania. They
sound as II they might have come from
the eastern part of Republic county,
Kansas.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-09-05

There is some doubt among eastern
Democrats today as to whether Hearst
or Bryan is the real conservative.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-09-05

After a week at the seashore, little
Susie was being weighed.
.fWhen she came she tipped the
scales at forty-four pounds" said
I7ncIe Jack. sand now she weighs
forty-two.
ss0hiv cried Susie, i've gained
two pounds - backwards! ''-Har-
Der's Weekly.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-09-05

Winfield tells a story of corr stalk
nineteen feet high. What does Jewell
county propose to do about that2
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-09-05

A Philadelphia man sold chicken
on Sunday and was prosecuted for it
but the judge decided him not guilty
holding that chicken is a necessity,
The defendant evidently claimed the
decision on q fowl
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-09-05

Speaking Of heavyweights, there are
the 2s4 members of the Ton family,
who held a reunion in Chicago the
other day.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-09-05

Kansas towns are also humping
themselves. according to the figures
given out by Secretary Coburn today.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-09-05
RAsEBALI m RUSSIA.

Russia has had two strikes that
begins to look as if it would fail like
the first Will it be case of three
strikes and out ?''--New York Tribune.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-09-05

last on the common level Of those al
fections that have been the same since
the beginning; whose change WIZ mark
the end
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-09-05

paign Kansas in an auto. He viii have
to set 1t on the high geer notch If he
hopes to catch UP with those speeches
delivered by aFollette.-We stern Ad-
vocate. af
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-09-05

.Brander Matthews lunched with
President Roosevelt the other day.
Professor Matthews is one Of the gen
tlemen who are to blame for this al
legged simplified spelling. It would be
Of interest to know If he and the presl-
dent also talk that way.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-09-05

That mule over at Leavenwort that
went into saloon and drank bucket
of beer made a regular ass Of him
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-09-05

Now that it is all over we would like
to inquire why the mayor Of Omaha
thought it necessary to carry a lasso
around with him in New York. Is il
the only way In which he could at
tract attention and get some advertis-
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-09-05

It is quite evident that it will take
something more than Mrs. Burton S
facts to convince Governor Hoch that
some members of his textbook COM
mission ought not to have been ap-
y,ointed
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-09-05

The new royal baby over in Ger
many has been christened William
Frederick Francis Joseph Christian
Olaf Hohenzollern. That name is
liable to make General John White
Friarson etc. Hughes almost envious.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-09-05

In Chicago they are arresting ice
men for giving short weight. Good
idea. Let everybody get an apothe-
cary's scale and see that he isn't
eheated.=Philadelp North Amer
lear.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-09-05

II il Is true that President Roose-
welt has stolen Mr.. Bryan's clothes.
eBe latter lost no time Ia stealing some
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-09-05
HIDING Dun.

BY the way. what has become of our
old friend Count Witte? From his
continued silence we infer that he is
secreted somewhere among the tall
ass.-Philadelphia Press.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-09-05

Among PHYSICIANS a story Is now go
ing the rounds, which is imported from
Boston. In one of the hospitals there
It is credibly reported the following
correspondence between a nurse in
ward and a physician took place. The
physician was at dinner. and just at
the start received from the nurse the
following note:
patient sinking. is very low"
on the back of the paper the young
physician wrote back: Throw out the
lifeline"
Just at the close of the dinner the
same note came back with the addi-
tional scrawl: AS directed, threw out
the lifeline. was too short. He sank"
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-09-05

Dr. Henry Van Dyke, the famous
author clergyman and teacher OF
Princeton, was talking one day about
the best way for churches to raise
money. Apropos of bazaars he said:
There was canny old Scotch min
lister who said one day from the pull
pit. with a dry smile:
sWeel, friends, the kirk stands ur-
gently in need of siIler, and. as we
have failed to get it honestly, we must
cen see now what a bazaar can do
for US Exchange
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-09-05
FULL LEASED WIRE REPORT
or THE ASSOCIATED PRESS

The state Journal Is a member Of the
Associated Press and receives the full DAY
4eiesreph report 0f that great news or
raniaa{fon for the exclusive afternoon
publication IN Topeka.
The news Is received in The state jour
nal building over wires for this sole pur-
nose
Alma record. (Alma, Mich.) 1878-1928, 1906-12-19

Mrs. Bert Thompson went 70 Charlotte
Wednesday to spend Xmas with relatives
Mrs. Phoebe Phinney left Wednesday
for Lawton, Mich which will be her
future home.
Tables, Dressers, Chiffoniers, Couches
Dining chairs, in fact everything you
may want in the furnitura line can be
had at McCurdy's.
The Christmas exercises of the Bap-
fist church will be held on Monday even
ing. An entertaining program has been
prepared and everyone is cordially in
vited.
Frank Wise who has been filing the
position of assistant chemist at the Ber-
lin, Canada Sugar Factory received a
telegram from Washington, ID. @. that
a government job was open for him
there. On his way there he stopped for
a short visit with his parents here.
The bazaar and supper at the Opera
st. Johns church, was largely at
tended and proved TO be both social and
financial success. Messrs Medler q Sis
bee the grocers, furnished the coffee for
the supper and the many compliments
beard is sufficient evidence that Kara
van Coffee is O. X.
Picture framing a speciality at Nc
Curdy's furniture store.
Thursday morning about s O'Clock
while the switch engine was going east
with a trainload of beets, intending to-
make the switch for the sugar factory,
all engine that is being used on the work
train was coming to this city from the
east, running at full speed, and the misty
morning prevented either engineer from
seeing the other until within few rods
of each other. The engineer of the work
train gave a whistle and both engineer
and fireman jumped. and Just in time to
save their lives for the work engine
crashed into the tender of the switch
engine completely demolishing it and
throwing both engines off the rails.
Both engines are wrecks. The caboose
was filled with workmen and they were
piled all in heap. Several were badly
bruised, but only one man, Chas. Hogle
of Wheeler, was seriously injured. st.
Louis Independent.