Cameron County press. [volume] (Emporium, Cameron County, Pa.) 1866-1922, 1906-03-22
Man About Town.

We are Observing Lent to the best of
our ability-malted milk three times a
day-no cherries in ours uoW-iusta n
little seltzer with a dash OF lemon in a.
-.
A bill has been introduced by one of
our representatives in Congress to stoD
the coinage of pennies. What a God.
send that will be to the churches that
pass the plate and basket.
A man living at the East End had
door mat with the word "welcome', on
it. So many bill collectors have passed
over it that the letter "L'' is worn OF.
and it now reads, "We come
Uncle Peter says his wife's elbow IN
the only alarm clock he needs. Saws
he wishes he was corset for they em-
brace some ofthe most beautiful women
in the land.
Correspondence solicited with two
young ladies by two young men. Oh
ject, fun and steady company if they
don't chew gum. Address, PRESS office.
-
A man was arrested IL Remove tho
other day for taking too many high
balls. Ge editor says he must have
taken them off flag poles.
-
A man in Esq. Larrabee's office
wanted to bail friend who had been
arrested for being little hilarioUs.
When he came to qualify, the Squire
asked him if he owned anY property.
He said he owned some in Austin.
What is il? asked the Squire. A pair
of overalls and an ak, he answered
The Squire didn't accept his qualifica-
tion.
One of our we'll known citizens stood
over on the bridge the other day watch
ing the water flow past. AS a stranger
approached, ne exclaimed what a
shame, to see all that water going 90
waste! Might ask your business? said
the stranger. Yes, he answered, am
a milk man.
Somehow tho trials and tnibuations
of this world don't seem SO hard wheE
we are walking teroagh q cemetery.
\ party Of young ladies from Austin
automobileG into town this week. They
registered. Miss Sal Walton. Mrs EilO
Phant, Miss Mill Tarv, Miss Rose Bush,
som. They We're chaperoned by Mise.
Understanding and Miss Fortune.
The Windowsill Club, Tuesday night
defined these questions:
The ideal Woman-0ne who can keep
house, her temper and servant.
Old Maid-Sometimes a fault, always
a Miss fortune.
Money-The root any man viii dig
Tor regardless fgetting his hands dirty.
Trosseau-The clothes a girl weare
for the first'five years after she is mar
ried.
Inspiration-A minister's mistake for
, perspiration.
Gentlemen of leisure-Rich men and
tramps.
We believe Heaven is reserved for the
real good folks in compensation for the
many good old times they missed on
earth.
A Philadelphia preacher says the
richer you are here the harder i Wili
| be for you hereafter. If that is the case
we fellows that have to smoke stogies
will have a four-p)y cinch over thefe.
| -.
Spring ghousecleaning mas commenced G.
| in some places. People should renaern.
| Der that the family Bible should be
| busted as we'll as the other furniture.
People living in glass houses should
never bathe.
| A young lady in town belonging t.
| the 400 IS so popular that she has gotten
out printed form for declining pro.
| posals for her hand
Labor agitators, orators and mime
ters may arouse the people. but we have
an alarm clock that can discount them
| any day.
Blessed is a good appetite; Mike
( Hogan says he does not have to look at
his watch to tell him when it is dinner
time.
DR.. Falk says a woman that usee
paint commits face suicide.
An automobile struck load of horse
shoes in Ridgway tine other day. Where
was the proverbial horse shoe luck.
a-
At the Hibernian Banquet, ST. Pss
ricks day.evening, the speech of Judge
Brennan. ''St. Patrick the Savior Of
Ireland from Reptiles will 60 into
history as masterpiece of oratorY
man quit his job in the railroad
yards here the other day; said he vau,
ed au increase in wages. bar the com
pany would only raise his salary and
that wouldn't d0
Ft--tHAF.