The San Francisco call., 1906-10-21
Failure Commandment
Causes Use Of Photographs.
By G. Q. Carlton.


the railroad president and addressed
him familiarly. Who's yer friends?'
he inquired. jerking his head in the
direction of Underwood's table COM
panions.
That's Mr.. Hartman. Mr.. Harri-
man, allow me to present my friend
Mr.. Fingy Corners.
ANY relation of Ed Hartmann" de-
manded Fingy.
This is Mr.. Hartman himself" ex-
planned Underwood.
"You-don't-say-so" and Fingy emit
ted a long drawn-out whistle of sur
prise. $50 you're E. H. Hartman. the
great railroad president. I've got s40,
600 worth of your stocks. Mr.. Harri
man." said Ffngy. in patronizing tone.
"And who's yer friend?"
That is Mr. Harrimans solicitor"
He was presented to the solicitor.
Who would have thought it." medi-
tatively commented Fingy, and, wish
ing to say something pleasant as well
as complimentary: Just to think of
there's youse two guys worth mil
lions. and don't dress no better than
lots Of men I've got working for me.
In fact, some OF them dress better than
the two Of you put together"
Billy Watson, the sergeant at arms
OF the Democratic State committee,
one day last week He was sitting
in corner of the reception-room with
his feet propped UP in a Broadway win
dow when Conners came bustling in
What's that you're reading?" asked
he.
It's the Lemon Picker of Palermo
by Robert McCulloch," said Watson
That amt Palermo, California, is
mg"
No" said Watson; Palermo. Sicily"
''Oh. all right-go ahead. 1 thought
you had got hold of some Republican
campaign literature"
Fingy was once riding on railway
pass good for w. ]. Conners and party
from Buffalo to Chicago" on the Lake
Shore road. He had eight men with
him. The conductor took an inventory
of the bunch and at the next station
wired back to the general passenger
agent at Cleveland: Pass for w ].
Conners and party presented by man
wearing a blue suit of clothes, a red
striped shirt, green necktie three dia-
monds. tan shoes with white laces, tan
stockings and a face like a prize fight
er" At the next station the conductor
received his reply, That's him.
After Fingy had become reasonably
wealthy he purchased the Buffalo En-
quirer He engaged the entire staff
Of a rival paper to work for him. He
had not had fair chance to become
acquainted with the individual mem
bers of his staff when one afternoon
he was in the Ellicott Club cafe He
saw seated at a neighboring table
some of the men he had recently en-
gagged for his newspaper. Fingy snort
ed in disgust and raped on the table
with the butt of his caseknife The
head waiter appeared.
How the hell did that bunch git in
here?' he demanded
They are members of the club, Mr..
Corners"
DO you mean to tell me that my
hired men can eat where 1 do?"
The waiter bowed his assent to this
proposition I'll fire the whole bunch"
declared Fingy. He was as good as
his word, and when he turned up at
the newspaper Office that night he
called the managing editor. "You can
fire them guys" he ordered There
was no alternative and the dire order
was executed. A few days later Fingy
returned from a trip to Chicago.
Have you got them f1red?" he asked.
Yes was the reply.
Now fire yourself" said Fingy, as
he walked away.
After President Mckinley was shot
the Buffalo Commercial one day pre-
maturely announced his death Fingy
read the extra on the street and ran
TO the Enquirer Office Whats this %
he beloved. pointing his finger at the
headlines. Are youse guys asleep?"
But President Mckinley is not dead
yet. The announcement is premature .
exclaimed the city editor
Il don't give a ," declared
Fingy with great vehemence. IF the
Commercial kin git out an extry we kin
too"
Such are the humors of the cam
paign. They have a lot of fun with
Hearst and his ~graphophone, and with
his man Fingy Conners. Hughes, on
the other hand, is one of those serious
minded. coldly intellectual, non-mag-
netic individuals who inspires neither
ridicule nor reverence.
Apropos of Hughes reputation for
honesty Alfred Henry Lewis tells a
story. He was talking with a Hughes
supporter.
Don't you think Hughes is honest"
asked the latter
Sure" said Lewis, but in consider
/ ing Hughes / am reminded of farmer
that lived in my native country He
advertised for an honest and sincere
]
and finally procured one that was with
/ out a peer in that section But two
nights after the purchase he lost all
his chickens. Later he learned that
4 the man who stole the chickens was
I the man who sold him the dog"
Lewis, it is needless to explain, in
view Of this story, is an ardent sup
porter Of Hearst. He was formerly
employed by Hearst, as is well known
but, with others, including Homer
Davenport. seeded and allied himself
with opposition interests. But now he
/ is back again in the Hearst fold.
Homer Davenport, it may be added
4 in this connection, having returned
from his European trip. is lampooning
Hearst in his Mail and Express car
toons, which are enlarged to billboard
size and posted on the dead walls in
New York and on barns in the country
by the Republican managers
understand that the opponents OF
Hearst are now looking up his Califor-
MIA record. Not with respect to the
employment of Chinese on his ranches
for all OF this has been threshed out
but his treatment Of regular Demo-
cratic nominees in the Examiner The
fact that he opposed Franklin K. Lane
for Governor will be duly exploited as
{ well as the charge that he knitted Ilf pe