St. Johns review. (Saint Johns, Or.) 1904-current, 1906-01-26
Appeal To Advertisers.

uiloiildIS. VIII create tneSe 10
order for any line of business at
reasonable prices-and guarantee to
please the most prurient of particu-
lar people. Here are a few samples
of what / can do: other samples
OH application. Terms will be cash
in advance.
Dear Doctor. Upon arriving
home | found that YOU had yanked
out the only two sound teeth had.
It's sure thing those never'll ache
but it's them pesky ones that do
ache that bothers me. Shall
come down and have YOU pull em
-or could / drive EN- in'
JoHN AKEINo.
Dear Mr.. Paper Edditur: I want
to rekkoment your colloms as a
good ADVERTISING meejum. Last
Thursday | lost my appetite; Fri
day put an ad in your paper, and
Saturday ! cuddent yet enuf to
eat. A BIZ NEssMAN.
Dear Dock: Your corn cure is ali
right. | put some on a soft corn
one night and the next morning il
was so hard that couldn't cut Il
with on axe. The next night |
applied Il to the hard corn-and
the following morning had but
Tour toes on that foot. ann about
to apply some to my assessment
roll and II II reduces that I'll want
four more bottles.
CORNELIUS CoRSFoRTH.
Dear Doctor: Your "Ru.pe.na"
Is swell medicine. II swelied NV
liver so that have twice been tap. |
ped Tor gas. You said /, would |
effect the liver-wurst-butit il seemed
to me that II struck the weiner.
wurst. In fact am not sure what
part OF me Il did work the worst
but feel that am new man.
Wife says that any man would be
better than ! was-so she is pleased
at the result.
ErHRIUM LivERNAsu.
Dear Doctor; Your hair renoyator
is a lulu. On that bald spo, on my
head one application not only
brought ont the hair but secured
for me three boils and carbuncle
Aociden,ly ! dropped little ON
couple OF link sausages on the
kitchen table and before we could
cook them the next morning we
had to SINCE the pesky thingsl
Your remedy also makes a splendid
harness dressing-and buckles
never slip after the hair grows over
the tongue. HARRY HARRISON.
Mr., Con Tractor: Your work is
all rlght-or will be when get
The iioors planed down, the win.
lows fixed 80 they can be opened
The doors 10 re-hung that in not
have to open them with an axe,
and some OF the liens off. Those {
Who have seen the house declare
Ihey never saw anything like it
md agree with them. Ventila.
ion Is splendid-but I'll have TO :
putty up some of the holes. twill
DC a good house To sell by mail.
{. D.R Woop.
Mr' Banker; Your bank paid me I
'elter interest than any ever in. b
'ested In. got two quarts of sand c
rom Your bank and put in bag. c
That same night at I:so a. m. | &
aw "Dippy Plug come on, of a o
'laee IN North Portland that should :
ave been closed at 100 a. m. and !"
O ! hit him on the "eoeo" with n
our sand bag. Interest; S2I.s7. o
ne shirt stud sparkler, plain d
old band ring. one yellow ticker a
nd a Lower Albina transfer. u
Z. MRR SLUGGUM.
My Dear Doctor: Your anti.lean
owder came all right. mixed il u
directed-but fear that put in pl
10 much Yeast. My little Willie u
as swelled up so that have been =
reed to dress him IN Mother =. -
hubbard for ten days-while his :,
i-a size Ia, has been traded for hi
nlne-and is now too small. a,
willie Is certainly increasing in NJ
ze-and the mere fact that his
ose gives out a sound like the ex.
aust OF gasoline engine is doubt.
s. owing 10 the overdose of Yeast "a a.
Mrs. PRARL SLIMsoN. ~
Dear Doctor: The two sets of g
eth YOU made for me are all right ar
umes-although l sneezed the OF
her day and the lowers struck a so'
Z poodle while the uppers -"
mashed the glasses of a fat blonde
no was asking a policeman the A
Arrest way to drugstore. Geel +,
Mas almoS, arrested for MAYHEM
'ort OF think they have shrunk a
lie because twice they have shit. SUI
around and nearly bit my palate hn
: They are good teeth-and IAN
y strong wife uses the lowers to yea
mp the edges of her pies-and kei