Martinsburg herald. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1881-1920, 1906-05-19

/ zabo who was we'll Developed to Work,
so he made Up his mind He would Be-
come a Candidate. Work had been OBJ
n~oxious to Him from the Time he first
Saw 1t explained on the blackboard
In grade A, and all through Life his
Main worry had Been that some day
he Would bump into 1t without Know
ing 1t. He was a constant And de-
voted reader OF The Weekly Clarion
And Howler and frequently contrib
uted Pieces TO the Page where the la
Dor News was run.
He was Wise to Laborism all right.
and whenever labor became unsettled
ne would write an Open letter and tell
them Just How to fix Things up. He
always thought The Job OF Walking
Delegate with Something on the Side
for Incidentals would be About the
Real candy, but Somehow the Mutt
holding the Job didn't have Sense
enough to Quit.
After waiting Ten long aud Weary
Years for the job He finally gave UP
and decided that the only Thing left
was A public office. SO he Got a Big
stick and went out among The people
and told Them he was Ready coin
when 1t came to Representing them.
and that Everybody up In the North
end was crazy to have him run For
Office.
Afterward he would Go over on The
North side and hand out the Same line
OF Conn. He used to Use a glove stretch
er to Stretch his mouth When he got
Up mornings SO the Smile would Last
all day. He was a Prime favorite up In
the Hun district neal where They we're
filling In. He used to get A clean shave
and reverse his cuffs In the Morning
and sally up There with a Line OF
Bunk that shriveled His conscience to
a wisp.
He knew them all from A to Lizard.
and called Everybody Jim because me-
said Their real name Reminded him of
a Football Rush. After being intro
duccd to Rebullskizxvljli Hanklij1xv-
/ zolki. he would brush an imaginary
| speck from the Victims collar and say
Jim. what1l you take?" Then he'd
turn around to The Man with the
White apron aud order Studs for the
Lot.
Sometimes when his stomach was
In good order and the mi was looking
he would stop on the street and kiss
some sweet little girl with Two braids
whose Folks lived back in the Alley
near The livery Stable. This showed
that He was A man OF The people
and didn't consider Himself Above the
Common Herd. When 1t Came TO En-
tertaining the Crowd At M%urphy's on
the Corner near the Cemetery he was
There with a Box OF Gags that Would
make Lew Dockstader go back to The
| Town Hall with his Merry Troupe or
EArtists. He used to Tell stories That
made them Yell to The skies. He
| would stand There with the Gang and
play the Human sponge till the man
Behind would Look at his Ingersoll
aud Yawn, after which he would break
For home. First stopping At a Place
Down Town to get something to Take
the Taste out OF his Mouth before Go
ing TO the Hay.
After he had Ccnned The Citizens in
II Ah6 Ouii9iib diHAliib " FiEn AuClA
names to Something begging him to
become a candidate and had 1t Printed
in the Papers he had a lot of lovely
pictures Took Of Himself and when no
! one was Looking his faithful Fido who
had been promised the Job of Chief
keyholder to The stationary Closet
would hang them up In Saloons and
Il nlaQaG ltfa That In the pfrfrro ha
had a Clean shave and Looked real
Nifty. His forehead was broad, high
and intelligent. too. There's nothing
like a good Forehead. Sometimes It's
the Whole cheese In a picture.
After he had whipped Things into
shape and promised every Victim
thing Good and Soft he drew a mental
picture OF the Situation, and couldn't
see how he could Fail to become the
Big Noise on election Day. Election
night the Telephone company was kept
busy replacing Wires to his Phone that
Had melted when Hot returns were
coming In. He was Neck And Neck
till after Twelve O'Clock but after
that the Strain was over.
Along about Two he heard the Eighth
Ward Silver Cornet band coming down
the Street playing see The C~onquering
Hero comes. and after they had start
ed all the dogs bowling in the Neigh
borhood with the Victory march, the
Gazabo with tears in his eyes took
them Over 10 the Place on the corner
And stood the proprietor Off for an
Eighth outright. When he got Back
he Told his Wife to get Ready and take
the children To the Ten-cent Theater
the Next day. because the Passes ought
to be used.
1t was Four o'clock when he Hit the
Mattress that morning. and he liked 1t
so we'll He let Two meals go by be-
fore Getting up.
Two days later he Met Rebuliskizx-
viii Hanklijjxvolkii the Victim that
lived neal where they were Filling in.