davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Birmingham age-herald., 1906-03-25
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, board ship and 1t would give us some thing to blow about after we had return ed home.
 Outside of the cage stood a young Ger man with a blond pompadour and a jacket that came just below his shoulder blades. He was so clean he looked as if he had been scrubbed with soap and then rubbed with holystone. Every Ger man menial on board seemed to have two guiding ambitions in life. One was to keep himbelf immaculate and the other was to grow U-shaped mustache the same as the one worn by the Kaiser.
 The boy in charge of the elevator would plead with people to get in and ride Usually. unless he waylaid them, they would forget all about the new improve ment and would run up and down stairs in the old fashioned manner instituted by Noah and initiated by Christopher Columbus
 This boy leads a checkered career on each voyage. When he departs from New York he Is the elevator boy. As the yes sel approaches Plymouth, England, he becomes the lift attendant. At Cherbourg he is transformed into a garden d'ascen- seur, and as the ship draws near Ham, burg he is the Aufzugsbehueter. which Is an awful thing to call mere child.
 Goodness only knows what will be the ultimate result of present competition be- tween ocean liners. As our boat was quite new and eXtravagantly up to date. per haps some information concerning 1t will be of interest even to those old and hard ened travellers who have been across so often that they no longer set down the run of the ship and have ceased send ing pictorial postcards to their friends at home.
 In the first place, telephone fin every room, connected with a central station The passengers never uses 1t, because when he is a thousand miles from shore there is no one to be called up, and if he needs the steward he pushes a buttoh. But it is there-a real German telephone, shaped like a broken pretzel, and any one who has a telephone In his room feels that he is getting something for his money,
 After two or three lessons any Amer ican can use q foreign telephone. All he has to learn is which end to put to his ear and how to keep two or three springs pressed down all the time he Is talking. In America he takes down the receiver and talks into the phone. Elsewhere he rack and holds 1t the same as slide trombone.
 In some of~the cabins were electric hair curriers'. A Cleveland man who wished to call up the adjoining cabin on the phone, just to see if the thing would work, put the hair curler to his ear and began talking into the dynamo. There was no response, so he pushed button and near
The Birmingham age-herald., 1906-03-25

tvpe of steamer is housed in and steam heated and all the people who dined in the glittering restaurant far from the common horde of the main dining saloon were attired to the limit. The usual Hun garian orchestra played hurrah music, and what with the Swiss walters and ths candelabra. the fresh caviar and other luxuries of high living. it was difficult for one to realize that he was riding on tho high seas at the most indictment season of the year.
 It was all very Fifth avenue-even to the check.
 On the steamer I met an old friend MT Peasley of Iowa. We first collided in Europe in 1895. when both of us were over for the first time and were groping our way about the continent and pretending to enjoy ourselves. About the time l first encountered MT. Peasley he had an ex- perience which in all probability Is with out parallel In human history. Some peo- pie to whom I have told the story frank ly disbelieved it, but then they did not know MT. Peasley. It is all very true, and 1t happened as follows:
 Mr. Peasley had been in Rotterdam for two days, and after galloping madly through churches, galleries and museums for eight hours a day he said that he had seen enough Dutch art to last him million years, at a very conservative estimate, so he started for Brussels. He asked the proprietor of the hotel at Rot terdam for the name of a good hotel in Brussels and the proprietor told him to go to the Hotel Victoria He said 1t was a first-class establishment and was run by his brother-in-law Every hotel keeper in Europe has brother-in-law running hotel in some other town.
 Mir. Peasley was loaded into the train by watchful attendants. and as there were no Englishmen in the compartment he succeeded in getting good seat right by the window and ! not have to ride backward. Very soon he became immersed in an American book. He read on, chapter after chapter, not needing the flight of time, until the train rolled into cavern ous train shed and was attacked by the usual energetic mob of porters and hotel runners. MT. Peasley looked out and saw that they had arrived at another large city. On the other side of the pla form was a large and beautiful bus marked Hotel Victoria" Mir. Peasley shriekeS for a porter and began dumping Gladstone impediments out through the window The man from the Victoria put these on top of the bus and in a few minutes Mir Peasley was riding through the tidy thoroughfares and throwing mental bou- auets at the street cleaning department
 When he arrived at the Victoria he was met by the proprietor who wore the frock coat and whiskers which are the universal insignia of hospitality.
 Your brother-in-law in Rotterdam told
The Birmingham age-herald., 1906-03-25

CT might understand if told that this ship, stood on end, would be about as tall two Flatiron buildings spliced end to end.
 Out in Indiana this comparison was un- availing, as few of the residents have seen the Flatiron building and only a small percentage of them have any de- sire to see 1t. So when a Hoosier acquain- tance asked me some thing about the ship I led him out into Main street and told him that it would reach from the railroad to the Presbyterian church. He looked down street at the depot and then he looked up street at the distant Presby- terian church, and then he looked at me and walked away. Every statement that make in my native town is received with doubt. People have mistrusted me ever since l came home years ago and announced that I was working.
 Evidently he repeated what I had said, for in a few minutes another resident came up and casually asked me some thing about the ship and wanted to know how long she was. l repeated the Pres byterian church story He merely re- marked, "I thought 'Bilr was lyin' to me-" and then went his way.
 It is hard to live down a carefully ac- quired reputation, and therefore the statement as to the length of the vessel was regarded as a specimen outburst of native humor. When l went on 10 say that the boat would have on board three times as many people as there were in our whole town, that she had seven decks, superimposed like the layers of a jelly cake; that elevators carried passen- gers from one deck to another, that a daily newspaper was printed on board and that a brass band gave concerts every day to say nothing of the tele- phone exchange and the free bureau of information. then all doubt was dispelled and my local standing as a dealer in morbid fiction was largely fortified.
 How about the skating rink?" asked the druggist.
 There is no skating rink. but there Is large gymnasium supplied with me chanical horses and camels, So that a passenger may take q long ride before breakfast"
 Garry any vet'inary surgeons?'
 NO; but two doctors. Also there is a book store and florists shop"
 It was gospel truth every word of it. but they listened and tried to keep straight faces, and then broke out and began to laugh. Seeing that l was set down as a hopeless liar, l went on and invented a bowling alley, a billiard hall and a Wednesday night prayer meeting without further compromising myself.
 The chief wonder of our new liner for all of us had a proprietary interest the moment we came aboard), was the system of elevators. Just think of it. Elevators gliding up and down between decks. the same as in a modern office building. Very few passengers used the elevators, but it gave us something to talk about on
The Birmingham age-herald., 1906-03-25
BY GEORGE AIDE.

Copyrighted, 1906, by
 George Ade.

, municative, but Mir. Peasley persevered. It was his theory that when one is trav- cling and meets a fellow Caucasion who Is shy or reticent Or suspicious the thing to do is to keep on talking to him until he feels quite at east and the entente cor diale is fully established. So Mir. Peasley told the Englishman all about Iowa and said that it was Gods country" The Englishman fully agreed with him--that is. if silence gives consent. There was a lull in the conversation and MT. Peasley. seeking to give 1t a new turn, said to his neighbor. T like this town best of any I've seen. Is this your first visit to Brussels?"
 'I.have never been to Brussels" replied
 That is, never until this time." sug- gested MT. Peasley. "Im in the same boat. Just landed here today. I've heard of 1t before. on account of the carpet coming from here and of course everybody knows about Brussels sprouts, but I had no idea it was such big place. It's bigger than Rock Island and Davenport put together.'
 The Englishman began to move away. at the same time regarding the cheerful Peasley with solemn wonderment. The he said:
 My dear sir. I am quite unable to follow you. Where do you think you are?"
 "Brussels--it's in Belgium-capitai. same as Des Mones in Iowa?'
 My good man. you are not in Brussels. You are in Antwerp"
 "Antwerp,"
 Certainly"
 Why I've been all over town today, with guide book and'-He paused and horrible suspicion settled upon him. Arising from the table he rushed to the outer office and confronted the man. ager.
 whats the name of this town I'm in?" he demanded.
 Antwerp" replied the astonished man. ager.
 Mir. Peasley leaned against the wall and gasped, Well I'll be -" he be- : gan. and then language failed him.
 You said you had brother-in-law in Rotterdam" he said. when he recovered his voice.
 That is quite true"
 And the Victoria hotel--is there one In Brussels and another in Antwerpg'
 'There is a Victoria hotel in every city in the whole world The Victoria hotel Is universal-the same as Scotch whis- key"
 Am now In Antwerp"
 Most assuredly." not dare to return to face the Englishman that during all of his travels since 1895 he never had duplicated the ramarkabls experience at Antwerp.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1906-03-25

me to come here and put up. with you" explained MT. Peasley. He said you were running a first class place, which means, s'pose, first class for this coun- try. If you fellows over here would put in steam heat and bathrooms and cleo tric lights and then give us something to eat In the bargain your hotels wouldn't be so bad. I admire the stationery In your writing rooms, and the regalia worn by your walters Is certainly all right, but that's about all I can say for you"
 The proprietor smiler and bowed and said he hoped his brother -in-law in Rot terdam was in good health and enjoying prosperity and MT. Peasley said that he, personally, had left with the brother-in- law enough money to run the hotel for another six months.
 After MT. Peasley had been conducted to his room he dug up his Baedeker and very carefully read the introduction to Brussels. Then he studied the map for little while He believed in getting a good general idea of the lay of things before he tackled a new town. He mark ed on the map a few of the show places which seemed worth while, and then he sallied out, waving aside the smirking guide who attempted to fawn upon him as he paused at the main entrance. MT. Peasley would have nothing to do with buiueS TIC dIWdyb Sdiu lIldL iH6 Hldu who had to be led around by the halter would do better to stay right at home.
 It was very busy afternoon for MT. Peasley. At first he had some difficulty in finding the places that were marked in red spots on the map. This was be- cause he had been holding the map up- side down. By turning the map the other way and making due allowance for the inaccuracies to be expected in @ book written by ignorant foreigners. the whole ground plan of the city strengthened itself out, and he boldly went his way. He vis- ited an old cathedral and two art gal leries, reading long and scholarly com ments on the more celebrated master pieces. Some of the paintings were not properly labeled. but he know that slip shod methods prevailed in Europe-that a civilization which is on the down hill and about to play out cannot be expected to breed business-like accuracy. He wrote marginal corrections in his guide book and doctored up the map a little. several streets having been omitted, and he- turned to the hotel at dusk feeling very well repaid. From the beginning of his tour he had maintained that when a man goes out and gets information or impress sions of his own unaided efforts he gets something that will abide with him and become a part of his intellectual and artistic fiber. That which is ladled into him by a verbose guide soon evaporates or oozes away.
 At the table d'hote MT. Peasley had the good fortune to be seated next to an Eng lishman, to whom he addressed him self. The Englishman was not very com
The Birmingham age-herald., 1906-03-25

MON1It DeloT6 SdlllH6 NiSAlSh
 A the floating skyscraper which
 was to bear us away. It was
 shed to a dock in Hoboken, and it
 minded me of a St. Bernard dog tied by +A silken thread. It was the biggest sllr anoat. with an observatory on the roof and covered porches running all the way around. It was a very large boat.
 After inspecting the boat and approving of it, I selected a room with southern exposure. Later on, when we sailed, the noble craft backed into the river and turned round before heading for the Ola World, and I found myself on the north side of the ship, with nothing coming In at the porthole except current or cold air direct from Labrador.
 This room was on the starboard Or port side of the ship-I forget which. After traveling nearly one million miles. more or less, by steamer l am still unable to tell which is starboard and which is port, I can tell time by the ships bell if you let me use 0 pencil, but "starboard means nothing to me. In order to make 1t clear to the reader, l will say that the room was on the "haw" side of the boat. l thought l was getting the gee side as the vessel lay at the dock, but l Tor got that 1t had to turn around In order to start for Europe, and l found myseir s'haw." l complained to one of the ofncers and said that l had engaged stateroom with southern exposure. He said they couldn't back up all the way across the fAtlantic just to give me the sunny side Of the boat This closed the incident. He bdid explain, however. that if remained an the ship and weno mack with them l would have southern exposure all the way home.
 The unexpected manner in which the boat turned around has suggested to me n scheme for a revolving apartment house. The building will be set on gigantic east CTS and will revolve slowly, so that every 6 ,artment will have d southern exposure
 | certain hours of the day, to say noth- ng of the advantage of getting new view every few minutes. It is well known that apartments with southern exposure and overlooking the boulevard command a double rental. When every apartment may have a southern exposure and face the main thoroughfare, think of the tre- mendous increase in revenues, l explain ed my scheme for a revolving apartment house to a gentleman from Saint Joe, Mo, whom I met in the smoking room, and he has agreed to give it financial backing.
 Our ship was the latest thing out. To say that 1t was about seven hundred feet long and nearly sixty feet beam and 42.000 tons displacement does not give a graphic iAsa of it's huge proportions. A New York
The Birmingham age-herald., 1906-03-25
A Life on the Ocean Waves, With Modern Variations.

MONTH before sailing l visited , \ the floating skyscraper which
 -.,oa 4o 1,ear ua auav If was l
The Washington herald., 1906-10-09
CHANDLER RETAINS PLACE
New Hampshire's ex-senator Still
Heads Claims Commission.
Evidence that President Bears NO
Enmity as Result Of Clash Over
Railway Rate Bill.

President Roosevelt issued an order yes
terday continuing the life of the Spanish
Treaty Claims Commission 10 March ..
1907. Ex-senator William +. Chandler, Of
New Hampshire, is chairman Of the com
mission.
Mr. Chandler. it will be remembered,
figured i'm the sensational railroad-rate
episode last winter in which q question
of veracity was raised between the Presi-
dent and the chairman OF the Treaty
Claims Commission. MIR. Chandler acted
as the go-between in the negotiations
carried on over the rate bill by the Presi-
dent and Senator Tnlman, Of South Caro-
lima. After failing to get the support for
his bill that he desired from the Republi-
can side of the Senate. the President
opened up negotiations with the Demo-
Gratis. Afterward the President and GER
tain Republican Senators became recon-
ciled, and. according to Mr.. Chandler,
the deal with the Democrats was de-
clared of over night.
The correspondence that passed between
the President and Mr. Chandler made one
Of the spiciest chapters Of the winters
political history, and II was generally
supposed that the President would soon
take occasion to separate Mr. Chandler
from his lucrative job. That he did not
do so was supposed TO be because the life
of the claims commission was so soon to
end. Yesterdays official order. Continu-
ing Mr. Chandler in his place. proves the
President to be of a most forgiving ma
The Washington herald., 1906-10-09
FIRST ISSUE OF HERALD.
Gives Cordial Welcome
to Its New Morning Newspaper.

Gives Cordial WeIcOm'
to Its New Morning Newspaper.
The Washington Herald printed, cir
culated. and sold $3.50 copies Of its
first issue. OF this number, $3.50 went
into the hands Of Washington people.
A quicker and more systematic dis
tribution-nOt TO be reached in a day
would have increased the first days
circulation very largely.
The Herald's house-to-house circula-
tion. its bona fide local subscription.
already places It in over one-fourth Of
the homes in Washington. This is an
achievement perhaps never before made
by a now newspaper anywhere-cer-
tainly 0cver IN Washington. This cir
culation-a circulation of the best
value-was obtained and carefully YER
fled before the paper appeared It
showed that a cordial welcome await
ed The Herald and that full faith was
placed in the promise Of what the pa
per would be.
a corps Of clerks was kept busy in
j ne IlttdlN ONCE al Qdg EtCoIullb
new subscriptions. which were received
by the hundreds. Meanwhile. canvass
ers had resumed their work, and with
The Herald in evidence their task was
easy. Ali the route agents increased
their number of patrons.
Naturally there we're mistakes in the
delivery Of the first issue Of The Her
aid, but subscribers who failed to get
their papers appreciated the difficult
ties involved in handling so large a
circulation and were patient.
The Herald is a home newspaper al
ready. It intends 10 stay in the Wash
ingtOn homes. Prompt and regular
delivery is essential 10 this end, and
the management viii do its utmost to
reduce complaints to the minimum.
Commendation Of The Herald's first
issue were heard on every side, and
the sentiment generally expressed was
that IL was just the sort Of a morning
newspaper that Washington wants.
The Washington herald., 1906-10-09

the complete observation OF order. State
employees Of all grades are being directed
to abstain from aiding the Liberal cam
paign. If the ciectora' returIss show any
thing Ike the success % TIE radical ele-
r7ents oentainsd II ~ last Dou:na. evf-
dence viii be found that the junior ranks
Of the civil service diEObeyed the gov
ernmcnts order and the elections will be
Cancelled.
The convocatiOn OF the Douma has. been
postponed for another six months The
governments order to its employees is
recognized as the opening Of an aggres-
sive campaign against its natural enemy.
the sO-called intelligcntzia, OF the people
who possess higher education, but who
are without capital. These include a large
majority of the governments enormous
army OF civil employees.
There is considerable anxiety in regard
% October g when the new conscripts
are due for enrolment throughout the
empire. but the provincial governors gen
orally report that whatever disorders may
occur are not likely 10 take a dangerous
shape.
The Washington herald., 1906-10-09
WEATHER FORECAST.

For the District of Columbia,
Maryland, and Virginia, fair and
somewhat warmer Tuesday.
Wednesday fair and colder; brisk
to high southerly, shifting to
westerly winds.
The Washington herald., 1906-10-09
JUMPS FROM CAR WINDOW.
Sleepy Virginian Lands In Soft
Ground and Is Unintured.

Memphis. Tenn. Oct. S-Dazed by sleep
and believing he was jumping out Of bed,
c. Flanary of Big Stone Gap. Va. raised
q car window on a Louisville and Nash
vile train travelling thirty-five miles an
hour near Erin. Tenn, early yesterday
and leaped out. His wife, awaking, gave
the alarm, and the train was backed up
to where Flanary was sitting on a
mound of earth rubbing his eyes. He
had fallen on rain-soaked ground and es-
capped uninjured
The Washington herald., 1906-10-09
MORE RUSSIAN GRIMES
Terr0riStS Throw Bombs in
Kazan and SebaStOpOl.
JEWS MURDERED IN SIBERIA
Soldiers Repeat Horrors of SiedIce
Outrages at Irkutsk and Tomsk.
Elections If Next DOuma Turns Gut
Too RadicaI-Another Mutiny.

St Petersburg. Oct. S.-Terrorists con-
tributed to the general feeling of
uneasiness which pervades the whole en-
pire. by two attempts to-day upon the
lives of government officials.
At Sebastopol, a terrorist threw a bomb
at the carriage occupied by General
Doumbadz, near the Bretzky regiment
barracks. The general. two soldiers. and
the coachman were seriously injured. The
assassin escaped.
At Kazan two bombs were thrown az
Vice Governor Goveto. who was slightly
injured This assassin also escaped
The peasants Of Molkhin, at a great
meeting yesterday, resolved to cease pay
ing rent to the landlord proprietors. and
also adopted other resolutions Of a most
radical nature.
OutraEes In Siberia,
Terrible massacres of Jews, extending
over q period of six weeks. have occur
red in Siberia. News Of the occurrences
there. in which hundreds of lives are
reported to have been lost, has been
carefully suppressed. The information
came to-day in private dispatches receiv-
ed in St. Petersburg.
Irkutsk and Tomsk have been the scenes
Of Outrages, equalling those at Siedlce
recently. Soldiers were the insdgators
Of the massacTes, and took an active part
in the killing and torturing Of helpless
Jews. Women were the principal suffer-
eTs, terrible u0rtures being inflicted upon
them Barbarities not to be mentioned
are reported.
The worst massacre was at Tomsk,
where Russian soldiers made concerted
attacks upon Hebrews. Many were killed
in the streets. Others who sought refuge
in their homes. or in shops. were hunted
down and meTcilessly killed.
Women and Children Burned Alive.
Jewish women were subjected to awful
indignities before being dispatched. In
one instance. 400 Jews. including many
women and children. sought refuge In a
soap factory. Soldiers fired the building.
and over 100 persons perished in the
flames Soldiers surrounded the building.
shot down many as they rushed out 10
avoid being bIrned to death.
News has also been received in private
messages of a serious mutiny. which oc-
Cured at Irkutsk. pitched battle Oc-
CURED in the streets. between the mu-
tineers and loyal soldiers, resulting in
hundreds of casualties. The mutineers
were defeated. and the next day there
were wholesale executions of those who
had participated IN the mutiny Forty
one mutineers, including seven officers.
were shot to death. Their bodies were
tied to an equal number of men who
had been wounded In the volley fred at
the mutineers, and all thrown into the
Angara river.