The Washington times., 1906-07-08


Have YOU gone madF denhhoeo
his wife "or do vou think ! aver"
..You 20 M into the bedroom" said
Mr. Gr1mmit. emphasizing his re-
marks with his forehnger. Il come
AN and beat the bed black and blue
with the copper-stick: YOU scream for
mercy and call out Help" Murder
and things like that Don't call out
Police COS Bin amt sure about that
mart Evans comes bursting I'm 20 save
vour ufe-IIl leave the door on the
latch-and there you are. He's sure
10 get into trouble for it. Bin said so,
He's made a study O. that sort O.
thing"
Mrs. Grummtt pondered this simple
plan so long that her husband began
10 lose patience. Al last, against her
better sense. she rose and fetched the
weapon In question.
And YOU be careful what you're
hitting" she said. as they went up
stairs TO bed Wed better have Ugh
words first. l s'pose?"
You pitch into me with your
tongue" said Mr.. Grummit. amiably.
Mrs. Grummlt, first listening 70 make
sure that the constable and his wife
were in the bedroom the other side OF
The fimsy wall. complied. and IN a
voice that rose gradually TO a piercing
falsetto told Mr.. Grummit things that
had been ranking in her mind for
some months. She raked up misde-
mcanors that he had long since for
gotten. and. not content with that.
had "a fling at the entire Grummlt
family, beginning with her mother-in-
law and ending with Mr.. Grummit's
youngest sister. The hand that held
the copper-stick itched.
ANY more 10 say?" demanded Mr..
Grummit advancing upon her.
Mrs, Grummit emitted a genuine
shrek. and AIr. Grummit, suddenly re-
membering himself. stopped short and
attacked the bed with extraordinary
fury. The room resounded with the
blows. and the efforts of Mrs. Grum-
nit were a revelation even TO her hus-
band.
II can hear I'm moving" whisper
ed Mr.. Grummlt, pausing to take
breath.
MURDER walled his wife. 'Helpl
Help!"
Mr.. Grummit. changing the stick
into his left hand. renewed the at
tack; Mrs. Grummit, whose voice was
becoming exhausted. sought a tenn
porary relief in means.
"Is-he-deaf?" painted the wife
beater. cor wot7'
He knocked over a chair. ana Mrs.
Grummit contrived another frenzled
scream. a loud knocking sounded on
the wall.
Help" moaned Mrs. Grummit.
''Haqloa. there!" came the voice
Of the constable. "Why don't you
keep that baby quiet7 We can't get
a wink of sleep"
Mr. Grummlt dropped the stick on
the bed and turned a daEed face to h;s
wife
''He-he's afraid-to come in." he
gasped. Keep Il up. old gal"
He took up the stick again and Mrs.
Grummit did her best, but the heart
had gone out Of the thing. and he
was about 10 give up the task az
hopeless when the door below was
heard 70 open with bang.
Here he Is" cried the ubjilant
Grummit Nowg'
His wife responded, and at the
same moment the bedroom door was
flung open. and her brother. VINO had
been hastily fetched by the neighbors
on the other side. burst into the room
and with one hearty blow sent ATr
Grummit sprawling.
Hit my sister. Will your" he roar
ed. as the astOunded Mr.. GrUmmit
rose, Take that!"
Mr.. Grummit took Il. and several
other favors. while his wife. tugging
at her brother. endeavOred 10 explain.
Il was not. however. until Mr.. GTum-
NIT claimed the usual sanctuary OF the
defeated BY refusing TO rise that she
could make herself heard.
"Joke?" repeated her brother. in
CredulOusiy. Joker"
Mrs. Grummlt In a husky voice eK-
planned. Her brothe. passed from In
credulitv 10 amazement and from
amazement TO mirth. He sat down
gurgllng. and the Indignant face OF
tho Injured Grummit only added 70
his distress.
Best joke I ever heard IN my life"
he said. wiping his eyes. Don't look
. at me like that, Bob; 1 can't bear IL
Get of 'ome. =" responded Mr.. Grum-.
nit. glowerlng at him.
There's a crowd outside. and half
the doors IN the place open" said the
other. Well. it's a good job there 5
no harm done. So long"
He passed. beaming, down the stairs.
and Mr. Grunmit drawing near the
window. heard him explaining In a
broken voice 10 the ne ghbors out
side. Strong men patted him on the
back and urged him grufiy TO say
what he had To say and laugh after
wards. Mr.. Grummit turned from the
window. and I'm a slow and stately
fashion prepared 70 retire for the
night Even the sudden and startling
disappearance of Mrs. Grummlt as
she got into bed failed to move him
The beds broke. Bob" she said
family.
Beds won't last forever" he said,
shortly; sleep on the floor"
Mrs, Grummlt clambered out, and
after some trouble secured the bed
clothes and made up a bed in a cor
ner OF the room. In a short time
she was fast asleep: but her husband
broad awake, spent the night in de-
vising fufther impracticable schemes
for the discontinue Of the foe next
door.
fIe saw Mr.. Evans next morning
as he passed on his way TO work.
The constable was at the door smok-
ing I'm his shirt sleeves. and Mr.
(fr1lmmft felt instfnctivelv that he uyas