davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1906-07-05

Two Americans who were travelling
Tin England made a devout pilgrimage
TO Stratford-on-Avon and passed sew
eral days wandering about the neigh
borhood, says Harper's Weekly. One
day they met a countryman, and, paus-
ing, one Of the pilgrims said
My friend, envy you your life here
amid the fields that knew the great
poets youth. What sublime thoughts
must come to you as you tread the
paths his feet trod -
The rustic simply stared, and the
American demanded if he knew of
whom he was speaking, receiving
prompt negative.
Why, of Shakespeare, man. You
must know of him. the pilgrim ex-
planned, stricken with horror.
After some coaxing the man finally
admitted that he had heard of Shake
speare, and believed that he had wrote
for summat"
And have you any idea for what he
wrote-was it the TimcS?" the Ameri-
can inquired with infinite sarcasm.
''Oh, it warn't the Lunnon paper" the
man said. Il know it was summat sol
emn like. l think it was the bible, be-
like
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1906-07-05
CHAPTER ".

After the incidents above recorded,
things went on quietly enough for some
months. l had a serious talk with Jones,
reproaching him gravely for his outrage
Gus demeanor. He capitulated abiectly
on being shown the cable, which was pro-
cured in the manner kindly indicated by
the President. The latter had perhaps
been in too great a hurry with his heavy
guns, for his hint of violence had rather
stirred than allayed Jones' apprehensions.
If there were nothing to conceal, why
should his e1cellency not stick at murder
to hide it? However, explained to him
the consideration of high policy, debating
iDviolable secrecy, and justifying a some
what arbitrary way of dealing with a
trusted official: and the marked gracious
ness with which Jones was received when
he met the President at the Ministry of
Finance on current business went far to
obliterate his unpleasant recollections. |
further bound him to my fortunes by OBJ
tanning for him rise of salary from the
directors, in consequence of the favora-
Die report of his conduct received from
Mr.. Martini
Peaceful as matters seemed, | was not
altogether at ease. To begin with, the
new loan did not apparently at all i'm
prove the financial position of Aureata-
land. Desolation still reigned on the
scene of the harbor works there was the
usual difficulty in paying salaries and
meeting current expenditure. The Presi-
dent did not invite my confidence as to
the disposal of his funds; indeed before
long | was alarmed to see a growing cold
ness in his manner, which l considered ar
once ungrateful and menacing; and when
the half-year came round he firmly refus-
ed TO disburse more than half the amount
of interest due on the second loan, thus
forcing me to make an inroad on my re-
serve of $4,000. He gave me many good
reasons for this course of conduct, dwell
ing chiefly on the necessary unproductive-
ness of public works in their early stages.
and confidently promising full payment
with arrears next time. Nevertheless |
began TO see that l must face the posi-
bility of a continual drain on resources
that l had fondly hoped woul be avail
able for my own purposes for a consid-
cradle time at least. Thus one thing and
another contributed to open a breach be-
tween his excellency and myself, and, al
though l never ceased 70 feel his charm
as a private companion, my distrust of
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1906-07-05
FACTS GUARANTEED
Neuralgia and Anen1ia are Cured by
DR.. Williams Pink Pills.


For nearly a generation the people Of
this country have known DR.. Williams
Pink Pills, during which time proof OF
thousands of cures by this remedy has
been published and confirmed and not
one person has been harmed in the slight
est degree by their use. The pills con-
tain no opiate, narcotic or stimulant,
nor any drug which could injure the
most delicate constitution.
For over a year, says Miss Charlotte
Van Salisbury, of Castleton, Ny, Il
suffered from neuralgia and palpitation
OF the heart. My skin was pale and SAL
low and I was troubled with dizziness,
fainting spells and fits of indigestion. l
was very nervous and would start at the
slightest sound. At times great weak
ness would cone over me and on one &C.
casion my limbs gave way under me and
/ fell to the sidewalk.
"Of course l was treated by our local
physicians and also consulted noted
doctor at Albany, but nothing they gave
me seemed to benefit me. One day l
read IN a newspaper about DIR. Williams
Pink Pills for Pale People and | im1ne-
diateiy gave them a trial. / soon felt
much better and my color lad begun to
return. l continued using the pills and
by the time / had taken eight boxes l
was entirely cured.
my sister, Sarah Van Salisbury, suf-
fered terribly from anemia. She was
pale and thin and we feared that she
would become a victim of consumption.
She tried DR. Williams Pink Pills for
Pale People and in q short time she be-
gan TO gain in strength and weight.
She is now strong and well and we both
heartily recommend DR.. Williams Pink
Pills to all who are in i'll health"
DR. Williams Pink Pills are sold by all
druggists or sent, postpaid, on receipt
of price, so cents per box, six boxes for
$3.50, by the Dr. Williams Medicine Co.,
Schenectady, N. Y. Descriptive PAM
Dhlets free on reuuest
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1906-07-05
Good Material for a Juror.

The judge had his patience sOrely
tried by lawyers who wished to talk
and by men who tried to evade jury
service, says the Green Bag.
"Shudge!' cried the German.
What is it?" demanded the Judge.
Il t'ink l like to go home to my
wife," said the German.
You can't!" retorted the Judge. "Sit
down"
But, Shudge," persisted the German,
Il don't t'ink 1 make a good shuror."
You're the best in the box" said the
Judge. sit down"
What box?" said the German.
Jury box" said the Judge.
But, Shudge," persisted the little
German, II don't speak good English. p"
You don't have to speak any at ALL
said the Judge. "Sit down"
The little German pointed at the law
yers to make his last desperate plea.
"Shudge," he said, II don't make nod
dings of what these fellers say"
1t was the Judges chance to get even
for many annoyances.
Neither can any one else," he said.
"Sit down"
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1906-07-05

was from renal colo. After 1 began
using Doan's Kidney Pills | passed
gravel stone as big as a bean. Since
then 1 have never had an attack of
gravel, and have picked up to my for
mer health and weight. | am a well
man. and give Doan's Kidney Pills
credit for it"
Sold by all dealers. so cents a box.
Foster ilburn Co., Buffalo, n. Y.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1906-07-05
Artificial Sea Breezes.

They are making everything in Ger
many nowadays, including artificial sea
breezes. At Bad Nauheim the water
from the salt springs is carried to the
top of a hedge, thirty feet high, several
yards thick and many hundred yards
in length. The water trickles down
through this hedge, evaporating as it
falls. The air circulating through the
hedge becomes cold and the summer
visitors congregate on the benches to
leeward, reveling in the salt breeZes.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1906-07-05
Sad Story,

Kind Lady-Poor man, You look so
lean and seedy. Did you ever have an
occupation?
Bowman Outt-Yes, mum, I used to
be a book agent, but l made a dismal
failure of it.
Kind Lady-Indeed! What was the
book called?
Bowman OUTFLOW to Succeed"
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1906-07-05
Manners,

hands, says a writer in the New York
World. His teacher was shocked.
jamie" she said, reprovingly, your
hands are very dirty. What would you
say if l came to school that way?'
Il wouldn't speak about it," said Jim
M. I'D be too polite
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1906-07-05
Overheard Mt the Tables

Don't put too much faith in what
that strange girl says about being an
amateur at bridge" whispered the tall
matron. as she looked at her hand. II
believe she is a ringer"
Wouldn't be surprised laughed the
other player. Il know all the men
say she is a BELLE
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1906-07-05
Probably an Imitation.

John said Mrs. Upjohn, who had
prevailed upon her husband to accompany
her on a shopping expedition, here is
some of that fine mission furniture ]
was telling you about"
Mr.. Upjohn inspected it critically.
'Um-no," he said, Il don't believe
it's the genuine article. 1t isn't ugly
enough"
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1906-07-05

suffered a long,
long time with my
back, and felt drag
gy and listless and
tired all the time.
l lost from my
usual weight, 30,
to ITO. Urinary
passages were too
frequent and l had
to get up often in
the night. l had
headaches and dir
~ spells also, but
my worst suffering
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1906-07-05

The largest frog is lIuw stated to be
the new Rama Goliath, from the Cam
erons, with head and body measuring
not less than ten inches. Hitherto the
largest known has been a species living
in the Solomon Islands-Louisville
Times
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1906-07-05
Taking Issue.

You viii live to regret talking that
way to me y tearfully spoke Miss Peach
ley
Il sincerely hope not" replied Miss
Tartun. II should be awfully sorry to
live till the world comes to an end,
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1906-07-05
u PpairS z

MADE their wedding trip in an auto
MOBILIZE"
That's what they did. They had a
fool idea that it would be cheaper than
travelling in palace cars
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1906-07-05
with n Little prcnurntion

Johnny, these look green. l told you
to ask for eating apples"
That's what these are. mamma. The
man at the store says all they need is
to be cooked a little fore you eat EN-"
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1906-07-05
Facts in the Case

She had all kinds of money and he
had just as many kinds of nerve.
But" she protested, I don't see
marriage / prefer n long engagement
"Oh, I'm in no hurry he replied.
''but my creditors are. See?"
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1906-07-05

Can you eat grapes without thinking of
tis?-Atchson lkan.l Globe
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1906-07-05
TORTURED WITH GRAVEL.

Since Using Doan's Kidney Pills
Not n Single stone Has Formed.
Capt s. L. Crute, Adjt VIM. Watts
Camp, y. c. ", Roanoke Va, says: II
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1906-07-05
Comes Natural TO Him.

Sinkers-Did you ever notice Reel
tons hook nose and fshlike eyes?
Corker-Yes. 1T isn't any wonder
that he tells such fshy stories.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1906-07-05
BOYS TERRIBLE ECZEMA.
Mouth and Eyes Covered with crus

Mouth and Eyes Covered with Crusts
Hands Pinned Down-Miracu-
lous Cure by Cuticura.
When my little boy was six months
old, he had eczema. The sores extend
ed so quickly over the whole body
that we at once called in the doctor
We then went to another doctor, but
he could not help him, and in or de-
spair we went TO a third one. Matters
became so bad that he had regular
holes in his cheeks, large enough TO put
finger into. The food had to be Civ
en- with a spoon, for his mouth was
covered with crusts as thick as In
ger, and whenever he opened the
mouth they began to bleed and sup
pirate, as did also his eyes. Hands,
arms, chest and back, in short the
whole body was covered over and
over. We had no rest by day or night.
Whenever he was laid in his bed, we
had to pin his hands down; otherwise
he would scratch his face, and make
an open sore. | think his face must
nave fIcueQ most tSarfully.
We finally thought nothing could
help, and l had made up my mind to
send my wife with the child to En-
rope, hoping that the sea air might
cure him, otherwise he was to be put
under good medical care there. But,
Lord be blessed, matters came differ
emily, and we soon saw a miracle. A
friend Of ours spoke about Cuticura.
We made a trial with Cuticura Soap,
Ointment and Resolvent, and within
ten days or two weeks we noticed a
decided Improvement. Just as quickly
as the sickness had appeared it also
began to disappear, and within ten
weeks the child was absolutely well,
and his skin was smooth and white as
never before. +. Hohrath, President
of the G. L. Hohrath Company, Man
ufacturers of Silk Ribbons, 4 to 20
Rink Alley. South Bethlehem, Pa,
June ;, 1905"
Little Danger in Comet Collisions.
II YOU are - years old. you can claim
to have passed right through the tail
of 4 comet. AS 4 matter of fact, twice
during last century-namely, in 1919
and lSGl-did this earth of ours whirl
through the tails of comets Zone in
each OF the years namcd). and so slight
aas the damage done that no one real
lied v hat had happened until some time
afterwards.
We have collided with several meteor
swarms without serious result The
collision of 1898 was the most remark
able. The whole sky appeared to be
raining stars, thousands of meteorites
being visible at once, many of them far
brighter than Venus, and leaving long,
brilliant trails
The earth's atmosphere protects us
from any real danger from these visi-
tations. Solid bodies rushing at an
enormous rate through space are imme-
diately fused and dissipated as gases
Wien they first come in contact with
our atmosphere, the friction thus set up
resulting in incalculable heat
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1906-07-05

Mrs. Wfnslow's SOOTHING SYRUP for Children
testhing; softens the gums reduces inflammation a.
lays pain, cures wind collie. Is cents a bottle.
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1906-04-19

Pat had his fret experience with
lawyer last week, although he had
been thirty-three years in this coun'
try. While passing a twelVe-story
apartment hotel in course of construc.
ton on upper Broadway three months
ago, he was struck by falling brick.
He received painful injuries Of the
head, and for forty-eight hours was
unconscious. After he got out oi
Roosevelt hospital Pat placed his case
in the hands of Nassau street law
yer, who took it up on a speculation
arrangement.
The lawyer made settlement with
the building company and notified
Pat to call on him. At noon hour
Pat walked into the lawyers office,
wearing an expectant smile, and Vas
cordially greeted.
"Glad to see you, Pat" said the
lawyer. He took roll Of bills out
Of his pocket and counted of ten yell
low-back twenty-dollar bills. He
handed the two hundred to Pat.
"Shakel" said Pat, fairly bubbling
over with JOY. He wished the lawyer
best of health and started for the
door. He turned round suddenly.
saying:
"How much did you get out OF the
case2"
~ got eight hundred dollars, re-
piled the lawyer.
Pat studied for moment and then
shouted: Say, who the divil got hit
with that BRICK
1t took the lawyer two hours 10
make peace with Pat.
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1906-04-19

Old Romulus took sick one day
and in a little while it looked as if bis
end was near. The minister was sent
for, and came promrtly-a stout man
done up in one OF those religious waist,
coats without any buttons down the
front or any opening at the neck.
The minister said to Uncle Romu'
lus:
as your mind at ease, brother2"
"Yes sab. answered the old man
"Are you sure there's nothing
troubling you ?" the minister went on
If there is, speak up. Don't b'
afraid. l am here to help and com
fort you.
"Dey is one fng, jes one, sab, saiC
Romulus, Dat 'plexes me"
What is it, my brother 2" the min
lister murmured.
"Ah kaint 70 de life o me make
out, sah," said the old man, "how 20
gifts yo'sef inter dat dere vest"
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1906-04-19

"Oh, George. I'm so glad you've
come" exclaimed the sweet girl.
Father ia go excited and disturbed.
Do go in and calm him."
"very well" replied Mr.. Lovett,
"whst's the matter with him?"
"Why-er-I Just told him you
wanted TO marry me.
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1906-04-19
The Richest Man in the World.

The richest man in the world cannot
haze his kidneys replaced nor live with
out them, so il is important not to ne
glect these organs. II FOley's Kidney
Cure is taken at the first sign Of danger
the symptoms will disappear and your
health will be restored, as 1t strength
ems and builds up these organs as moth
ing else will. Oscar Bowman, Lebanon,
Ky, writes 81 have used Foley's Kid
ney Cure and take great pleasure In
stating it cured me permanently OF kid
ney disease, which certainly would have
cost me my life" Sold by Reinhart's S
Pharmacy.
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1906-04-19
The Original.

Foley & Co., Chicago. originated Hon.
ey and Tar as throat and lung remedy,
and on account OF the great merit and
popularity OF Foley's Honey and Tar
many limitations are offered for the gen.
uine. These worthless limitations have
similar sounding names. Beware OF
them. The genuine Foley's Honey and
Tar is in a yellow package. Ask for IL
and refuse any substitute. IL is the
best remedy for coughs and colds.
Remnants Pharmacy.
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1906-04-19

A tourist left the train at every sta
ton and went ahead to the luggage
van to ask If bis trunk was safe. "Ars
you quite sure" he asked the guard
for the sixth time. "tbst my trunk is
safe y"
"Begorra, l wish ys had been an
elephant instead Of an ass" was the
eIasperated reply, "snd then you'd
always have had your trunk in front
Of you"
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1906-04-19

An Ohio man Who was recently
elected to Congress came to Washing.
ton TO look around and see what his
duties were. He was Hospitality re-
ceived and was winsd and dined a
great many times by his colleagues.
Before be went home he said to his
friends:
by George, have had q good
time | have had dinners and break
fssts and suppers galore given to me.
In fact, haven't had my knife out Of
my mouth since / struck town"
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1906-04-19
"Dad, Here's TO YOu."

We happened in a homs the other
night, and over the parlor door saw
the legend worked in letters OF red;
"WHAT IS HOME wITHoUTA MOTHER!
Across the room was another brief:
"GoD BLESS OUR HOME"
Now, what the matter with
! "GoD BLESS OUR DADP"
He gets up early, lights the fire,
boils an egg and wipes off the dew of
the dawn with his boots, while many
a mother is sleeping He makes the
weekly hand-oHt for the butcher, the
grocer, the milk-man and baker, and
his little pile is badly worn before he
has been home an hour.
If there is a noise during the night.
Dad is kicked in the back and made
to go down stairs to find the burglar
and kill him. Mother darns the socks,
but Dad bought the socks in the first
place, and the needles and the yarn
afterwards. Mother does up the fruit;
well, Dad bought it sll-and jars and
sugar cost like the mischief.
Dad buys the chickens for the Sun.
day dinner, carves them himself, and
draws the neck from the ruins after
every one else is served. What is
home without a mother ?" Yes, that
is all right; but, what is home with
out father2 Ten chances to one it
a boarding-h house, father is under the
slab, and the lsndlady isa widow.
Dad, here's to you-you've got your
fsults-you may have lots OF EN-, but
you're all right, and we vii! miss you
when you're gone.
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1906-04-19
Human Blood Marks.

A tale Of horror was told by marks OF
human blood in the home Of J. w. Will
liams, a well-known merchant OF Bac.
Ky. He writes Twenty years ago !
had severe hemorrhages OF the lungs.
and was near death when | began TAX
ing DR.. Kings New Discovery. IL com.
pletely cured me and ! have remained
well ever since" Itcures Hemorrhages
Chronic Coughs, Settled Colds and
Bronchitis, and is the only known cure
for Weak Lungs. Every bottle guar.
anteed by Reinhart's Pharmacy. soc
and SI.00. Trial bottle free.
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1906-04-19

Dey amt no,doubt in de worl' but
what riches brings trouble, but Lawl
knows-it's des de sort er trouble I
been Iongin' fer all de days er my
life. Let it come LAX a Georgy har.
ricanel I'll put my arms roun' .
tree, en- hor fast 'twell Gabrul blow
his trumpet
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1906-04-19

Don't tie a cough or cold upin your
system by taking a remedy that binds
the bowels. Take Kennedy's Laxative
Honey and Tar. II is different from all
other cough syrups. 1t is better. IL
opens the bowels-expels all cold from
the system, relieves coughs, colds,
crlup, whooping cough, etc. An ideal
remedy for young and old. Children
like it. Sold by Reinhsrt's Pharmacy.
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1906-04-19

IL you ever bought box Of Witch
Hazel Salve that failed 20 give sstisfac-
tion the chances are IL did not have the
name "E. c. Dewitt a ca" printed on
the wrapper and pressed In the boz:
The original DeWitt's Witch Hazel
Salve never fails 70 give satisfsction
for burns, sores, boiIs, letter, cracked
hands, etc. For blind, bleeding, Itch
ing and protruding Piles u affords al
most immediate relief II stops the
pain. Sold by Reinhsrt's Pharmacy.
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1906-04-19

Lawyer-on the day the crime was
committed you cay you were working
in lumber yard. Tell the jury vaat
you saw.
Pumpernickle-vst / sawi ! saw
wood. py go;lyl Vat you tink / saw.
stone7
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1906-04-19

Mr.. Gayboy-What did my wife
say when you told her 1 wouldn't be
able to come home tonight until a late
hour2
Meesenger-She didn't say any
thing.
Mr.. Gsyboy-Then you must have
gone to the wrong house.
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1906-04-19
Wanted.

Information as 10 the address of the
heirs of Madison G. Kline. Address
was Jefferson County, West Virginia,
in 1857. Small recovery can probably
be made for the said heirs. Address
HARVEY SPALDING & SONS, WASH
ington, d. Q.
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1906-04-19

1t was thankful Sharpsburg wife
that sent the following recommends
tion to a patent medicine firm: "Gsn-
tlemeD, before taking your medicine
/ was too weak to spank my baby, but
now can lick my husband"
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1906-04-19

is no worse than the terrible case OF
Piles that afflicted me 10 years. Then
was advised 20 apply Bucklen's Arnica
Salye, and less than a boz permanently
cured me, writes l.. 8. Napier. of Rug.
les, KY. Heals all wounds, Burns and
Sores like magic. 25c. at Reinharts
Pharmacy.