Danville intelligencer. [volume] (Danville, Pa.) 1859-1907, 1906-04-20
AUMOR OF THE
PENSION OFFICE

If he dared to do so the commissioner
Of pensions at Washington could COM
pile Il delightful volume putting there
In the strange applications for pensions
that come TO his office. Some of these
letters belong to the too good to keep
class, and they find their way out into
the world, where they add good deal
to the Iilarity of nations. Some appli-
cants for pensions manifest the most
childiille ignorance regarding the meth
od of procedure necessary when apply
ing for Il pension. They seem to think
that al they have to do Is to send an
application to the pension office and
Uncle Sam will forward check by re-
turu tnail.
Soon after the close of the civil war
tl.2re came 10 the pension office in
Washington the following unique and
paotical application for pension that
went The rounds of the newspapers
years aso:
to Commissioner of Pensions Washington.
these many years I've tried in vain
an honest pcntion to obtain
For wound received in Sixty one
at first Battle of Bull Run
one of oiioes sons SO brave
who went TO the front the union to save
And whilst Engaged in above said fight
II rc bel Shell took half my sight
Not content by taking an Eye
this ireaChcrous shell in Passing by
took Ilv Eye Brow Clear of the bone
ara Luit me as unconscious as stone
burning "A blister of Crystal Clear
from the law bone TO the Ear
but thanks to god my life was spared
Check and Eye brow but Slitely Scared
ara one Eye was left to me
for to wright and read Poetre
| Eooc that with that Eye to see the day
whom unkel Sam his Cripples will Pay.
Much more recent is the letter sent
to t,c commissioner of pensions by an
appi.cant who had contracted blood
poisoning in the following remarkable
maunC":
I sol ! ,ood poison by bcinge hit with q
hons C. wen 1 cam back from the frunt.
The @ was not good wen you send my
pension / want the Deed made SOS my
wife c: set noac of It. She throde the
eS. S. war a rebbcl.
Egu IS appealing and remarkable
was mother letter sent TO the pension
oGic0 in which the applicant set forth
his aims to II pension in this wise:
way got my War ingery was a
10 IN Of n hog. The Hog war wanted
BY o,r captaia for forcgc. We was chasin
Il. log ana she crawled threw a hole
an / T. It | were about the size of the hog
ara tried to crawl threw. but | stuck an
III irwin to Wiggln ont / throde the rales
or uH GRE II hit me on my he'd and nocked
N, senso.ess. Go not think the hog had
not-.in to 60 with Ily line of duty. for
did not kc'ch the hog Wch she never
was caut, SO pieze send along my pension.
One aged pensioner had evidently
made = serious blunder by taking
unto Himself wife in his old age, for
love of gain seems to have been the
motive Of TIE wOmaa who married him
if the following letter stated the facts
in the case:
Dear Mister Government, Pleze to fix up
my penshun papers so as my wife cant
draw my twelve do1ers a munt when
am ded. she say she marryed me for lov
an to be "a Ole mans Darling but now j
no it was for to git my pensnun on her
self by being my UidOwer so pleZe let
my penshun end with me but pleze doant
let on to her thgt You got this from me
or yould have hot time of II and times
is hotter now than l can stand. So when
| send word tEat am no moar then send
her th.s if you want TO but not until the
p rs, .un Is shut OF whitch it is her just
desserts for margin for money an in q
MeT hCcnaTy sp.rrut.
One Cay there came TO the pension
Office Il very Old and subdued looking
man who could scarcely totter along
VIA The hep of two canes. BY his side
was Il ve.y robust and perfectly self
reliant yoUu woman of perhaps thirty
Yeas OF a%a. When some one went
forward to ask what was wanted the
younE woman said:
"WcI, I'll just tell you. This is my
husband, ana we amt getting enough
per rsion-thats what we amt. We're
getting only SO month, ana we know
| man that wa mt In the war half as
long - M husband was and didn't get
| n shot in him and he gifts his S12 q
month, and we want our pension raised
| TO that fig%cr or more"
One applicant was willing to give the
most palpable proof of the genuineness
of his injuries, for he wrote as follows
II you don't think I was shott in the
! war | am willing to come on there and
| you or any one else can lay their finger
| on the bullet imbedded in my back which
| panes me when I stoop or lay on it and
| which it has brought on pertinent dis
| ability so l can't work like l used to
| could | guess If you would speak to Pres
| ident Muyl.lnley and tell him about the
| bullet he would say to send on the pen
| ton ard any medikel doctor would say
| the game. \ doctor here Will go his af.
| fydavi,t that he has layed his fingers or
| tie ballet w.gh | am proud of rs scars oi
| War whore | TT and bled for my country
Wlch 1t i3 America and Union forever.
TIE COOkBOOK.