davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-02-24
HONEST ABE, Z. s. NJ.
Poetry on Cats, Old Maids and Hired
Men.


It was showing and blowing when I
got along to Farmer Jimerson's in
driving over my mail route the other
day. and. having no mail, was passing
the house when Mrs. Emerson came to
the door and called me. Thinking that
an accident might have happened, I
got down and went in.
Sorry to trouble you, Abe, she
said, but you know what sort of a
woman I am. believe in husuing.
And what are you hustling about
now?" I asked.
Come here"
And she took me into the kitchen
and pointed to the old cat lying on a
pillow behind the stove.
'.wei. he's dying. He'll be dead be-
fore night. want some poetry about
him
called me in here to write poetry on a
dying cat2''
That's what I have. That cat has
got to have some verses written on
him, and it might as well be before he
dies as after. No use kicking, Abe
You are the only poetic rural mail car
rier in the United States, and we've
got to make use of you. If any one
tries to kick up any shindy with you,
you just let me know. Jim has just
been appointed chairman of the county
committee. and he won't be afraid to
brace right up even to the president
himself. Sit down and write
wasn't feeling in the poetic mood,
but [ sat down to the kitchen table and
invented the following:
Upon his couch poor Thomas Cat
Lies breathing of his last
The rats and mice and milk and cheese
Will soon be in his past
mo more he'll hunt the bundle bee
No more at night he'll sing;
/ No more he'll look for catnip in
The mellow days of spring.
But when he gasps and gives kick,
And all at last is over,
He'll spread his wings and fly away
To richest fields of clover"
Mrs. Jimerson's eyes gradually filled
with tears as she read the lines, and
+ when she had finished she said to me,
with sObs in her throat:
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-02-24

The audience was at the bated breath
Suddenly was heard an ominous crack
ling
Incipient panic reared It's horrible head.
At that instant the heroine advanced
to the edge Of the stage and glanced to-
ward the gallery.
IF you'se fellows cant eat peanuts
quietly" she said. you'd better buy EN-
already shucked"
Only few words. but the press agent is
authority for the statement that they did
the business.-Ph Philadelphia Ledger.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-02-24

"Abe, I've been reading poetry and
making soft soap all my life. but never.
never have I read anything that took
right hold of my heart like this. How
on earth you do It I can't begin to
make out; but I want you to remember
that this family is your friend for life %
I had heard that there had been an
accident of some kind at Farmer Stead's.
and was not at all surprised to find him
waiting at the gate for me.
We'll, has a COW broken her neck ~
asked.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-02-24
THE PECULIAR ODER OF MINK
IS NOT FASHIONABLE THIS
YEAR

Then we may consider the fur
question settled for another year If
the Sth of the coming July is another
hot day and you open the question"
But Mrs. Perkins turned her back
to him and went on reading. Copy
right 1906. bN c. II. SutcIiffe.l
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-02-24

the gate and kicked it open when a
man came along and called out:
Hey, mister, have you got a clock
that wants mending?"
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-02-24

to announce that he meant to be a can
didate for the next presidency. No one
should take him seriously. He couldn't
carry his own ward if he was running
for constable. Tt is simply another spec
linen of his cheek. (This will make you
squirm- jimmy, but you know we are
telling the truth)
telephone message has Just reached
the Kicker office that the editor is com
ing home and only five miles away. For
obvious reasons we do not care to meet
him, and we therefore fold our tent and
get ready to move to other fields. It is
the last of our SO per and we don't
know where our wandering boy will
sleep tonight. but we have had our OPP
portunity and taken advantage of it.
and now let the CALLED Jade vince and
the limping lion roar. Goodby to all
"a fond goodby.- Copyright, 1906, ny
E. c. Parcelle.)
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-02-24

While there are seven. so-calied doc
tors in this town, six of them are such
arrant quacks that we wouldn't trust
them to pull a thorn out of a dogs
foot. The only real NJ. D. In the lot
is DR. Ferguson. The others ought to
be ridden out Of town on rail. tDr.
Ferguson is the biggest quack of all
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-02-24

The editor of this paper announces
the circulation Of the Kicker to be
about four millions. and gaining at the
rate of 10000 a week The true fig
ures are 1850, and he hasn't put on
seven new subscribers in a year. Ad-
vertisers can depend upon these fig
ures being positively correct. (Sorry
to give the editor away, but we can't
do no lying on SO per week. He should
have come up to our figures when we
asked him to, instead of saying that
the honor alone was worth $50 per
week)
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-02-24

On various occasions the editor of this
paper has referred to his esteemed con-
temporary of the ''Lop- Horn as a driv-
cling old idiot who graduated from a
cheese factory, and whose weekly Jour
nal had a circulation of less than 200
We take this opportunity to say that
Mr.. Titus is a learned man. and has
fine form and an intellectual face. IN
fact, there is NOTHING of the tough nor
the loafer about lin. and his cfrcuIa-
ton is largely in excess of that of the
Kicker. (No thanks for this, Mr.. HeIIso;
we owed it to you)
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-02-24

The only theater in this town is a
ramshackle old barn of a place. in
Tested with rats as big as jack-rabbits,
and any theatrical company that
would play an engagement in it de-
serves TO be shot off the stage. Don't
let the willy owner deceive you. CTbe
above theater is generally referred to
by the editor, who owns 1t, as Heliso's
Opera House. EVERYBODY else refers to
it as a Hellso Of a place.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-02-24
ARIZONA KICkLETs.
HOW the Horse Editor Managed to
Get Even.

We have been asked to subscribe
one hundred dollars toward building a
Baptist church in the Gulch. We
won't give twenty-five cents. If they
manage to get a church here we shall
take great pleasure in burning it down
and in chewing the ears off any galoot
who comes around asking questions.
won't the editor hop when he reads
the abovel His mother belongs to the
Baptist belief)
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-02-24

(Note to the Public: we are not
the editor of the Kicker. the buffer
and blOwhard who is heard from week
to week. but the Horse Editor, who
has been grinding his life out for the
princely salary of SO per. and is now
left in charge While the other man is
sloshing around the country. It is the
only chance that has come to US to get
even, and we promptly take advantage
of it. If it don't take Jim Hellso a
whole year to explain away certain
things we are going to print in this
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-02-24

column today then we will drop the
horse business and become a hen
grower. Read:)
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-02-24

The editor will have a circus with the
other six.)
If the postmaster general had the
interests of this community at heart
he wouldn't be over fifteen minutes re
moving the galoot who has held the
position of postmaster for the last
three years. and who has been any
t--@@g but credit to the service he
represents Bounce him out and the
quic11r the betterl CAS- the editor is
also the postmaster. the above will
come to him red hot.)
The Blue Hill Banner asks if there
is Nero in Arizona. There is. and his
name IS Jim Hellso. editor of this
paper and mayor of this town. He feels
that he carries the whole territory in
his vest pocket and that no one else
has any rights. Why don't the people
rebel and hang him to the nearest
limbo CHATS plum center, Jim, and
how do you like IT'D
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-02-24

The editor of the Kicker has always
made great ado about his guns, and
the way he bluffs this and that one
w" F77ow it to be p fact that his nat
'ral weapon is club, and that when
he meets up with a shooter he is reaf71-
to take back seat at once No one
---..--4 OF MN. 1t is true that
ne ewns two old guns, but they are
entirely for show. (There's our full
house, Jim-daTe you call it?)
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-02-24

The Pine Hill REGISTER suggests be
ginning the New Year by hanging Jim
Hellso, the cOnceited ass who fondly
imagines that he will be governor of
this Territory, some day. 1t is an idea
that viii be favored by all who know
him. including his Office force CAS-
horse editor we would willingly sacrifice
two weeks salary to see the boss at
the end of a rope)
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-02-24

When a man came here from Chicago
the other week to see about an electric
light plant for the Gulch, he took one
good look a t the insignificant being who
holds the Office of mayor, and left town
we have a man instead of thing for
mayor2 CAS- Jim Hellso thinks he is
about the perl<iest thing that ever came
out of the box. the above viii be ter
ribla rub on him.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-02-24

Mrs Jimerson's eyes gradually filled
with tears as she read the lines. and
when she had finished she said to me,
with sobs in her throat:
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-02-24

It has more than once been limited
that the editor of the Kicker got his
advertising by betting on his guns and
talking in a bull voice to business men,
who gave in to him under the idea that
it was dangerous to oppose him. Those
are his methods exactly. We have been
his horse editor for two years and ought
to know. We know further. and that
is that if business men gave him the
boot he would sreak away like a whip
ped cur. No one should have the slight
est fear of him. That's another one
we owed you, jimmy
The editor of the Kicker has had the
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-02-24

Upon his couch poor Thomas Cat
Lies breathing of his last
The rats and mice and milk and chees
VIII soon be in his past.
The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1906-02-04
Bonds for Roads.

Editor OF The Tinres- Dispatch:
Sir.-I notice in the proceedings of the
House OF Delegates n member from the
eastern portion OF the State offered n
bill 10 reduce the rate OF taxation This
Is mistake. rather let it be Increased
and the money applied to permanent inn
provement of the roads.
The following plan is suggested. That
the Legislature appropriate $4,000 to be
used In payment of Interest on $500, 900
OF per cent. bonds that the counties be
authorized TO issue. they to provide the
sinking fund to liduidate the debt In forty
Or fifty years. The population OF the
State outside OF the cities and incorpo-
rated towns is about 10000. which gives
1o,oc0 TO the average county; the bonds
60 be Issued according to population.
Zach i5,oo1 Inhabitants. or an average
county. would be entitled to a $4,000
be used in the permanent Improvement
nnly OF its public roads. These bonds.
ESith the interest paid by the State. would
sell readily and MT a premium, especially
II made non-taxable. Let the State have
It's good roads department that will have
2 general oversight of road construction
through efficient and competent engineers
In each county. OF course, 1t should be
optional with the counties as to their
awaiting themselves OF the proposed State
aid. This plan will call for slight In
crease OF taxation, but is tine least
onerous of any that has been proposed
md will enable the average county TO
construct from fifty to seventy-fve miles
of permanent highway and the burden
of taxation will fall upon the whole peo-
pie and the corporations and no par
ticular class. A SUBSCRIBER.
Chatham Va :
The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1906-02-04
Commissioners of Revenue.

Editor OF The Times-DIspatct:
Sir,---l zee there Is a move on foot to
have the commissioners OF revenue APP
pointed by the Judges. hope you will
oppose It, Firt think every servant Of
the people should be elected by the people.
from President to constable. Second.
these appointees are generally some polit-
cure better job. md with this In view
try to please the people. If you will take
the reassessment OF 1905 and compare
value with the deeds Of bargain and sale
recorded that year, you will see that the
assessor appointed by the judges missed
values more than the commissioners
elected by the people did. II the COM
rissioners arc appointed. then by all
means let MS have n commissioner OF
equalization. Let me call your attention
70 another thing think OF value. The
State Is now owner Of a very large guam
tlty OF DELINQUENT lots or parcels OF land.
These are OF M value to any one.
would suggest law requiring n public
ties. appoint nm attorney to n.epare an
account for twenty years back. Furnish
Same to the clerk. who shall give all
parties Interested four months notice that
the land will be sold on certain date
md II II bring more than taxes and costy
the excess will be. held for certain
length az time. subject to order OF inter-
ested parties. ard " not called for during
said time. II Will he turned over to the
road fund All over Southwest and Mid
die Virginia the clerks offices are fnli
OF DELINQUENT land and tire trouble and
cost OF nm individual recurring same is so
same. TAXPAYER.
Salem yo
The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1906-02-04
Voice of
the People.
The Assessment Plan.

Editor of The Tinies-Dlspatch
Sir--"Citzenn Cumberland county. IN
his letter III to-day's Issue Of The Times
Dispntcli, gives n clear and accurate
statement Of the manner In which the
commissioners of revenue assess person.
Hlity and make out their books, both land
End personal property. but he doesn't
say that the same lack of accuracy and
competence is to be found In land nsses-
sors, who are now appointed by the cir
cult Judges. and were formerly BY the
county Judges. They often have the as
sessment the same as 1t was five, years
before, when by Improvement 1t has
doubled In value. They cannot employ n
dcputy, but they will go to n cross-road
store. and let the merchnt or an idler or
two, not under oath as q deputy commits
sioner OF the revenue is, assess the land
of the whole community. They employ
some one else to write their. books and
make the transfers of land. Wherein
nre they better than the commissioner.
elected by the people? Can we expect
the great improvement that is needed as
result of having circuit judges appoint
the commissioners? Surely not, when
land asscssors, chosen In this manner.
arc no better and some times even worse
than the commissioners elected by the
people, tx. Y"
The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1906-02-04

d Mountain aabai LII Lake rs waters are slowly
I'VE only IN memory. q. n. HogeD
o,o p ,siig or Giles Courthouse.f lies
tnree-quarters of mile from the bank
OF New River. Nine miles from Pearls
burg, on. New River. are situated the
hb rsged 81 Springs y sEggeston, The eele-
springs. L Is natural and beautiful LAKE
g. pure pend ire I; water on the summit OF
spurs of the .Alleghanies. This pond IS
about a, mile long and four-thlrds Of a
mi nile vide ti,a At its terminus it is damned
Dy a huge pile of rocks, over which It
runs, bue which once passed through the
assures only. In the spring and summer
9sher rubbish washed ia and filed Up the
feet. Previous to that time it was fed by
me large spring at its head. that then
disappeared, and several small springs now
flow into it n, It's upper end. When first
known 1t was the resort of vast numbers
OF elk buffalos, deer and other wild ani-
mails for drink, hence the name of Salt
Pond 1t has no taste of salt, and Is in
habited by fine trout.,-F'rom Henry
Charleston, S. c., 1SiI
The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1906-02-04
j Mountain Lake.

Editor OF The Times-Dispatch: !,
Sir,-In View Of much that has been said
and written in the last few, years about
the famous Take IN dhf eouf H.
youth, i send you the enclosed. copied
from the history. OF Giles county. n
Charleston, s, O., in lS47.
This should set at rest, 4 think. the the
fact Of It's recent formation, Tie Hon
David FL Johnston, Of West Virginia, who
Is writing a history of this country, has
had, I understand, considerable difficulty
Me as Sers ne been a1nfh ne
the story from childhood OF how Mountain
Lake grew. Your corresponding heard Q
very old fady relate recently OF how her
grandfather had told her, OF going there
to Is. salt his cattle when It was q small
iunc aimed land, and this was a common
resort for the early settlers to salt their
cattle, and from that came the name
salt Pond, which name II bore until tho
Paae n efsra
assnrnlaer resort and changed Its nameft to
The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1906-02-04
Mems
$500 Shoes,
all
feathers,
SI.o5

OF the postal laws. The tobacco COMPANY
instructs you TO be sure 10 enclose tns
slim of paper in the same package with
tags. blu; says nothing abou, the, the amount ,shsn
carryine the package to be mailed, of the
Of paper inside The s9 sbers wa asns
cents more postage due on my package
and to send Il at once In order to TO pre- ire
balance postage due. but last week q
postoihce inspector called on me ana
demanded the payment of the ten-doiiar
fine.
ticing an imposition on the people by
placing these instructions In their BOOK
and not saying anything about the class
of postage you should send by.
The Inspector had number OF these
papers with him and had several for this
Immediate community, and said he had
had hundreds OF such.
Will you be 80 kind as to publish this
letter: also the secretary's, relating to the
enclosing OF matter. of higher class IN
matter OF lower class, etc. I've forgot
ten the number OF Sec.
MRS. LIZZIE MITCHELL.
Ruckersyille. Va.
The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1906-02-04

Editor of The Times-Dispatch:
Sir.-I saw an editorial recently IN
combination of the Norfolk and Western.
Chesapeake, Baltimore and Ohio and
Pennsylvania Railroad all under the dom
ination of the Pennsylvania Railroad.
there is such combination. such as the
combination of the. Northern Securities
Company. The Pennsylvania road die,
tates how much coal the Norfolk and
tmore and Ohio shall haul to the coast
and to the lakes. The Norfolk and West
ern is allotted II per cent, the chesapeake
and Ohio II and the Baltimore and Ohio
20 per cent. The supply OF cars to the
coal operators is given so that each of
these roads ships rather less than more
than the percentage allotted. The coal
operators in the kanawha valley have
only averaged eight and a half days per
month for the last year. and conditions
on the Norfolk and Western are about
the same. The Goals of West Virginia
1a sup and Hock ana VALLEY eoas and
when brought in competition with the
West Virginia Goals are unstable. Many
stockholders of the Pennsylvania road
ays SsaE & q Vest y Vrgsna u sna
using the control they own In the West
Virginia roads to cripple and break UP
all the operators in West Virginia, so
they buy the whole outfit at low low PRICE ICE
price Of soft coal to the world. l am
resident of West Virginia and know
whereof 1 speak. write you this to
put you on track and you will find this
trail direct There Is a combination of
these roads In restraint o ftrade, and not
only that, but to compel the coal opera
tors and coal-land owners to sell their
property for a song.
You are at liberty to use. this Informal
ton If Of any value to your paper as
news but / would prefer you not to pub
llsh this over my name. Would be-
glad to entertain any of your correspon-
dents here at any time. Can give you
much more information along this line.
Respectfully, W. A. FORSYTH.
Gloucester County, Va.
The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1906-02-04
The assessment system.

Editor of The TimeS-DiSpatch:
Sir notice what Citizen" says about
OF revenue; also his remedy" / will
admit a whole lot that he says is so, but
see both hopes and the mailed claws
tof disappointed ambition in his letter.
too. That's one thing more than you saw,
Judging from your editorial remarks on
the letter. Yes. it is a fact that. our
property Is generally assessed just for
enough to be considered an acknowledge
what hide and bones are worth; n piano
for about what the stool is worth, fig
uratively speaking. But "Citizen's" rem
edy won't cure, as the following will
prove:
Our land was reassessed last year by me n
appointed by the circuit Judge. Isaow
OF a farm of 200 acres, which ha,. Oh Z
one dwelling, insured for about $4,000:
one tobacco barn. worth $3.50; one tobac-
sheds. &C., worth at least s75; one corn
Eouse and carriage shed. new. WORTH say
SOD; one granary, first class. worth no
less than $50; four log houses. for ten
worth of buildings. s2,450. and good or
schard. some fence. and an excellent sup
ply OF good water, with some timber, oil
assessed at IS per acre. or s1.0Oo-s1, 45O
short of the value OF the buildings alone.
Now, fellow Citizen where is your
evidence that the courts appoiptee as
commissioner would do better tlSSb S.is
lano assessor! InAre, now, my fellow
,"Citizen's" statesmanship has gone to
pieces on the rocks which line the shore
of honest assessment.
Again, can an appointee Of the court be
q better judge of property than the own-
er claims to be? If he is good Judge OF
work horses, would he be competent to
Judge q race horse2 Then, If he was a
good judge OF mich cows. would that
make him competent to Judge the value
of a piano. But 1t happened In this
Eeishborhood that a farmer few years
since assessed his horses at $40 per head
and kicked because they were too high;
then, in less than three months, sold the
i know this.
Now the "reneay.. Instruct assessors
to assess at a fair value what the horse
is worth alive and In condition found.
and not what his hide and bones are
worth. without consultation or dctatIon.
Of the owner, In the case cited the
owner told the oonml ssioner his horses
were only worth $40 a head; then tod
the purchaser his meailast horse wa
worth $40. Was this fair assessment?
.These things make our tax rate high,
keep our roads bad, our treasury empty.
And. worst of all, keep other people from
coming here to live. a,
In the above unite the shortcomings
The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1906-02-04
Send Your Mail Orders to us
roads. almost impossible throughout tho

roads, almost impossible throughout tho
greater part Of the winter and early
snylns months.
Can an inspector remove such trouble;
! think not. nor do we need one to
remind us of the fact. IT takes much
money to build lrcads.
In the second place, labor conditions
We're never before as they are now. To
say nothing OF the present unrdlIability
or the negro In general way, large
public and private enterprises have placed
him beyond the reach or farmers as a
lnborer, SO the farmer and his family
have TO work, q grave necessity; for in
the sentiment Of Meredith. though not ex-
The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1906-02-04
A Woman's Warning.

Editor of The Times Dispatch
Sir,-I wish to warn those persons hav-
Ing tobacco tags to send for premiums
70 be sure and see that they pay the
proper amount of postage due on those
Tags, with the written slip enclosed In
.he package with the tags. I sent a
package OF tags to tobacco company
about three weeks before Christmas and
enclosed the peice OF paper. stating the
plumber of tags. and the premium wanted
fine of ten dollars to pay for violation