Heppner gazette. [volume] (Heppner, Morrow County, Or.) 1892-1912, 1906-03-15


candle to him." "Of course not H.
wears celluloid collars.'-Ex.
PA, what are the wages of sin 2
well, the salaries on those trust Off
cials vary greatly, my on."-Smar
Set
well, Maggie, you have now beer
married year. How do you like your
husbandT' "Sober, mum. ."-Houstor
Post.
DO you think I show my age?" asks
: Miss Elderlee. "Why, no. think you
succeed very admirably in concealine
t.'-Indianapolis Sentinel.
He-I was an intimate friend Of your
late husband. Can't you give me some
thing to remember him by? She (shyly)
How would l do?-Punch.
Robbie-Mamma, why have you got
papa's hair in locket? His Mother
TO remind me that he once had
some, Robbie.--Illustrate Bits.
MISUNDERSTANDING they DIDN'T name
the baby after Its rich uncle. Booker
No; he looked at 1t, and said he'd give
them $4,000 not to.-Harper's Bazaar
Woodby Riter-I've always thought
1T would be fine to be poet Editor
1t certainly should be fine, or imprs-
onment, or both.-Phladelph Press
Briggs-I see that young Tutter
came near being dubbed to death by
New York policeman. Griggs-What
offense was he innocent of?-Smart
Set
"Ma" what is it?' "Is the stuff
in that bottle bay rum?" Mercy, no
It's mucilage." Il guess that's why
l can't get my cap ."-Cleveland
Leader.
Nell-They say her wedding simply
beggared description. Belle-I don't
know about that, but I've heard 1t near
ly beggared her father.-Philadelph
Record.
1T takes a lot Of patience to run an
automobile, does it not?" asked the
man. "Yes, lots of patients" replied
the doctor; "and I've got 'em."-Yonk-
ers Statesman.
Mrs. Style-I want hat, but 1t
must be in the latest style. Shopman
kindly take a chair, madam. and
wait a few minutes; the fashion is
Just changing g.-Washington Star.
did you ever make a personal sac
rifice?" asked the visiting parson.
"Yes, indeed" replied Mrs. lie Style;
Il once declined to be interviewed by
l society reporter. Chicago News.
Mrs. Jollyboy-How are you getting
along with your servants now? Mrs.
Gayboy-Splendidly. We have made
them present Of the house, and now
we are boarding with them.-Town
Topics.
II suppose he just clasped you in
his arms when the canoe upsetY' mo;
quite the opposite" "Quite the op-
poster yes; the canoe upset when
he elapsed me in his arms" ."-Hous-
top Post.
Teacher-A coal dealer has ten tons
Of coal hich he sells at IS a ton. How
much does he get for It? Scholar
About $685. Teacher-That's wrong.
Scholar-Yes'm; but all coal dealers do
Mrs. Bleachblonde-I found this
black hair on your coat. What does
t mean? Mr.. Bleachblonde-Wh
That is my last winters coat. Your
hair was black then, you know
Smart Set.
"Goshv' exclaimed Farmer Korntop,
lfter listening to the story; "he must >
De a regular dead beat" "Huhw !
,norted the victim. hes plumb sight ,
that. He's live one."-Phil-
adelphia Ledger. :
Paying Teller-I can't cash this
,heck, madam, until you are ident- =
led. Mrs. Bright-You mean | have
o identify myself? Paying Teller
Ies, madam. Mrs Bright-How sim
de! Have you looking glass s?-Ex.
Lawyer-And what was the defend
mt doing meanwhile? Witness-He
vas telling me funny story. Law
sir, that you are un-
Ter oath. Witness-Well, anyway, he
vas telling me a story.-Somerville
ournal.
The teacher had been telling the
lass about the rhinocerOs family.
Now, name some things" said she,
that 1t Is very dangerous to get near
nd that have horns" "Automobilesw
eplied little Jennie Jones. promptly.
New York World.
Senator" asked the pretty girl, do
on know what the railroad fare Is
rom here to Washington NO" he
nplied before giving himself time to
link, but l can tell you the exact
lileage if that will do you any good"
Chicago Record Herald.
"Pshawr said the Judge. there's
o reason why you people should be
ivorced. Go home and make up.
here are no grounds -" But,
ldge." the man fraatically interrupt
!, "she hasn't told you the whole
nth. pushed her down stairs once
nd 1t was miraculous that she wasn't =
illed or crippled for life.-Chicago
ecord- Herald.
French Maid ito inquiring friendD-