davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1906-05-08
ROBERTS ON SOCIALISM.

The talk by President Brigham II
as the authoritative expression OF the
view entertained by the Mormon hic-
rarchy. These gentlemen, the product
Of socialism. are now terrified at the
sound of the word. As priests of an
originally communistic society they
shudder at the thought OF communism.
They know little about the professions
and practices of social organization as
IL is experimenting with greater or less
success or failure in other parts Of the
world but they have an instructive an
tagonism to everything which sounds
like ''the common right" There may
be one or two exceptions, including
President Roberts, who is A reader and
thinker; but the chief of the cult is
densely ignorant of the social move
ment; he holds anarchy. socialism,
communism and those things" as inevi-
tably destructive to the social order. To
serve Smiths View President Roberts,
as the best equipped man for the pur-
pose, is permitted to go forward In a
propaganda against socialism.
One of his momentous utteranccs was
that II this system were adopted il
would result In the overthrow of the
competitive method of production and
would instead, install the cooperative
system
How far the modern hierarchs have
~
the Mormon church Cooperation was
the best possible order OF the social
life until such time as there could be
achieved that great end-toward which
cooperation was but step; namely.
the establishment of the Order OF
Enoch with all things held in common
under the law OF God.
1t is an intensely interesting cvolu-
tion whereby church, organized
| ostensIbly to conserve. under divine
revelation. the common interests and
the fraternities of notwithstanding
constantly the equality Of men, profess
ing to be making preparation for an
absolute communism In the Order OF
| Enoch-should have developed into the
most tyrannical of commercial monop-
olIes. not. only destroying all idea ot
common right In possessions by en-
couraging competition, but subsequent.
| ly destroying competition by gathering
| everything into the hands OF one
monopolist.
The idea Of individual productlveness
|
| is encouraged among the Mormon peo.
pie. but there the right of Individual,
| ty ends; for the chief OF the cult as.
serts and exercises the divine right
to absorb into the keeping OF society
the results OF production, and then b!
individual authority to control that so
ciety so that it's members receive no re
| turns.
In opposing socialism the Mormon
church overthrows all It's own teach
ings; but in opposing any social nd
vance. for once 1t is consistent with IT.
own practices.
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1906-05-08
HOW BEES EMBALM.
Minneapolis Journal

hlnncapolb journal.
Bees can embalm as we'll as an un-
dertaker. All mtruders on their hives
are slain and embalmed carefully.
If worm, or q roach. or any insect
blunders Into a hive the bees will fall
upon him and slay him with thei.
stlnss. To get the corpse out would
be difficulty. therefore, embalming It,
they let It remain.
The embalming process OF the bees
is simple. 1t consists In covering the
corpse with a hermeuc coat of pure
wax. Within this alright envelope
the body remains fresh. 1t cannot in
any way contaminate the hive.
When a snail blunders in among the
bees they cannot kill him on account
of the protection OF his shell. So they
embalm him alive. They cover him.
she'll and all. with snowy wax. He is
prisoner whom only death releases
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1906-05-08
"HELLo! OFFICE ON FIRE."


New York Press.
"One day last week ] was informed
by telephone OF fire in my own ofhce'
not six feet from where ] was stand
ing" said a prominent Wall street
broker
"A client with whom ] had been talk
ing, after lighting a cigar, threw the
burning match into the waste paper
basket under my desk. As l went to
the door with him 7 heard the tele-
phone bell ring violently. When |
answered the call / was surprised to
be told that there was lively blaze
under my desk, which had been seen
by bright Office boy In the opposite
building.
THE fire was hidden from me by n
high fling cabinet, and might have
done serious damage before I discov-
cred it myself. / am now hunting for
that boy" he added. Any one quick
witted enonGh to think Of telephonlng
in such an emergency | can use in my
buciness'
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1906-05-08
THE ABsTEMIoUs LODGE.

Washington Letter.
The Capitol guide was telling two
New England school teachers In the
Senate gallery interesting things about
the Senators below
There are several Of them he said,
chat have eaten too many society din
ncrs and drunk too much flrewater,
"Oh. how dreadful in our public
mem" said one of the teachers, But
there Is handsome Senator Lodge He
doesn't drink, does her"
oh, no." replied the guide, He is a
teetotaler. He even thins his water"
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1906-05-08
CATCHES NICE WITH HER TAI
Kanaas City Times.


Did you know that If you cut a
cats tall off she can't catch mice any
more| asked young woman OF an
other
Il don't see why" replied the other,
and further. 1 can't imagine what oc-
cesion you have had for cutting off
cats tails to see"
L haven't cut off any cats tails. but
an accident deprived our cat of its
caudal appendage. The feline became
as helpless as ship without a rudder.
When 1t tried to spring upon an object
II would alight far to one side The
look OF PANIED surprise on the cats
features was pathetic, After a while
1t learned to jump straight again. but
1t was long and painful experience
Tor the poor cat The balance of power
and the power TO balance seem to lie
in the tail of the cat"
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1906-05-08
REFORM COMPLICATIONS.

new YORK Tribune.
The Rochesterian." writing in Tho
Post-ENpress" of the proposed Labor
saving spelling, suggests compllca-
tons. There are two words which
arc pronounced pretty much alike,
through ana threw. and suppose one
should ask as TO a certain narson ro-
duced to misery, How did he como to
grief The answer might he, In the
contentious fashion OF the time
through hts.' or Threw fits In the
one case ii would be plain that he was
subject to serious sudden seizures: IN
.he other 1t would be understood that
ne ne % wa" given to fantastic exhibitions
~ o. aolly' But II one answered the anx-
lous questioner in the reforn,ed st,,ia
Thru fits. he would be no yyb,t 49,
WISER o VIII 'he
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1906-05-08
BETTER RENAIN g,
Phnndeiphla Record. '''

Philndelphia Record.
a Maryland Judge thInk, !,
. man has been dlyoresd ~
he should keep out OF mair,-,
a sensible view. II a man a.,
by experience the state ~,
care Of him as II does Of n.
classes generally. A man =
vorces is either very uufortr,
Is quite untitled for marri.d N
justice to him or to sons {
might be restrained I'm
pluuges into an element for !,
i'll adapted.
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1906-05-08

No communication in relation TO pnoioalon
In az business FOR The Tribune should oc oo-
dressed 10 any Individual or oticer OF tnio col COZ
roraton Matters relating 10 p0oucauon
.hould be addressed 70 tho Editor OF The IT'D
unc and communications relative TO eubscrip-
items md advertising and other business
mould be addressed to salt Lake Tribune Fuo
lishing Company.
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1906-05-08

This evening the promoters of the
Republican auxiliary Will meet once
more and talk over the important mat
ter OF electing good men like them
selves to office.
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1906-05-08
DISCPEn1rrn


New York Tribune.
DR.. Doyen. the French g.,
devised a serum for tho ~,
cancer a few years ago
that he has effected a cur. Luz
tion with the yeast hacln,s| ~
nouncement really discredI,. /!
ous one. If he was fully ssa'.
his first remedy why shouls s, !
other? Again. IL he has =.
an expedient that he for1ns,l' ~ |
AS useful, would not the n.S.
TO wait awhile before trydss |;
one7 "As
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1906-05-08

Some people may not admire the
Board of Education. but certain con-
tractors are sure they have never seen
a better one.
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1906-05-08

You must admit that you cannot see
how the weather bureau could furnish
much flner weather than 1T has given
us so far In May.
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1906-05-08

Senators Smoot and Sutherland could
readily settle the matter of the United
States Attorneyship. II the Attorney
General were not particular
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1906-05-08

Brother J. Golden Kimball is entitled
to commendation however. for keeping
as long as he did his good resolution
not to talk any more in public
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1906-05-08

The street railway company cannot
speak too highly Of the fine Sunday
weather that induces thousands TO go
TO Liberty Park.
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1906-05-08

Nevertheless, we shall probably not
hear Of Senator Smoot taking the floor
and eloquently demanding that the
Senate vote on his case
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1906-05-08

Undoubtedly. there Will be a rush OF
another class from San Francisco, now
that IL Is being insisted that able
bodied men there must work
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1906-05-08

Gov. Cutler did something for Cali
fornia that the Governor of no other
sister State has done. He went out
and visited 1t
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1906-05-08

Bishop Jolly. who has been arrested
on a charge of Dolygamy. finds that
sven IN the Big Horn country there
arc people opposed TO religious free
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1906-05-08
GIRL GRADUATES ESSAY

Now York Tribune
A Kansas girl graduate to whom had
been assigned the theme Beyond the
Alps Lies Italy" wrote this essay: Il
do not care a cert whether Italy lies
beyond the Alps or in Missouri / do
not expect to set the river on fire with
my future career. l am glad that
have a very good education. but 1 am
not going to misuse 1t by writing
poetry or essays on the future woman.
1t will enable me to correct the gram
mar of any lover / may have. should
he speak OF 'dorgs' In my presence or
seen a man. 1t Will also come handy
when l want to figure out how many
pounds of soap a woman can get for
three dozen eggs at the grocery. So
do not begrudge the time | spent In
acquiring II, But my ambitions do not
tiy so high l just want to marry a
man who can lick anybody Of his
weight In the township. who can run
an eighty acre farm, and who has no
female relatives to come around and
try and boss the ranch. l will agree
10 cook dinners for him that won't send
him to an early grave and lavish upon
him a wholesome affection, and to see
that his razor has not been used to cut
broom wire when he wants to shave
In view OF all this, I do not care II
get a little rusty on the rule of three
and kindred things as the years go by"
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1906-05-08

Gov. Cutler has returned from Call
fornia, where he was able to fully
verify the reports that there had been
an earthquake out there.
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1906-05-08

The California earthquake came in
time, undoubtedly. TO get considerable
mention I'm the graduation essays
throughout the country.
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1906-05-08

II Senator Smoot cannot get for him
the office of United States Attorney
Mr.. Booth viii have to admit that the
Senator IS not such q great statesman.
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1906-05-08

Brother Golden Kimball is glad to
say that he cannot be justly accused VI
getting too much education,
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1906-05-08

Grand juries have an unfortunate
habit OF finding indictments. OF they
would be more popular with a number
of people.
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1906-05-08

Brother Roberts does not believe IN
Socialism, but he has a very Goou op''-
ion OF the Coop. system.
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1906-05-08

Some facetious person has mentioned
NJ Livingstone of Manti for the office
Of United States Attorney
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1906-05-08

Commissioner Sharps advice to the
hsh and game officers Is to look out
for Greeks bearing fishing tackle.
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1906-05-08

The Improvement League will ad-
nit that the lilac bushes arc DONG
their share to make the city beautiful
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1906-05-08
I opiics Of tben
LESS LESSON TAUGHT BY -,.'

LESSON TAUGHT nv
Golfers Weekly. fHe
How How much we have lea,,..
Oriental friends Will hs'ned 10 q
the disposition OF tba ~ ihf7'
bill. now before Congre,.s .srm5 n
be described as a meass s. sfti|
United states army n, 10
OF war, If the japanese ~ tyhse hnset
the military world any,h, h,Iuujt|
importance Of keeping sa,,s lus i
That a sound man viii sep,ulsss
a sick man, that an ARM H.
sicai condition will he,,s u q
plcted by disease seem ~ 4
until the little yellow ru> ues>
their unbrokcn record Ssn 4
military authority had 81 W
weight to the hygienIc , . q
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1906-05-08

Roosevelt President. Judge Miner nat
urally feels that he ought to have
something to say about appointments.
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1906-05-08
NATURAL HISTORY

A horseman cried. Now hump yourso,fi,
His poky steed assented
And that is how the camel friends
First came to be invented.
New York SIM
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1906-05-08
Tribune Telephones.

Senator sutherland may be entitled
to the explanation that his memory 10
at times quite poor.
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1906-05-08
Tho Tribune Is on sele nj oil the pfinciph
ncws stands In the United STATES
Where The Tribune Is On Sale.

WneT6 1ue 1liouiio 40
Murray, Utah-Excelsior Stationery Co ino'
phone I'LL. co,,s,
Provo. Utah-A V Robinson. Il EeHt Seh'o'
Street. I'D
New York--Arthur HotAlinG, RroadTy my
Thirty street. Astor House, Waio0i'
Astoria. Imperial Hotel ,
Chicago-Pslmer House Auditorium N"h'
wnshinetuil-New Willard. Raleigh
Omahn-UEIon station Newsstand
PoEtland-OrSEon News Agency
Los Ansclcs-Amos's Newsstand. ~
San Francisco-- ArdIngs News Agency ~
wheatey. Hotel 81. Francis. Foster vi fn,.
Scattle-W. Ellis. Hotel Northern - ~
tice. Wilson. MoNcy & Co, ,,arIor
penvcr-Julus Black, Brown Hotel heno' ~ !"
Book and Stationery Co. -. >,u.Ic
store, Arch Cunningham Co., IL Seho'
& Co. - xu,..sy
Pocntelio-cnnnec & Co. II. II Nhlttisnses
Tonopah-O'Ncll & Co, a. II. Rolns"eIn-
Goldheld-Hunter ADV. & Pub co.
Marsh.
Butte-Keefo Bros. ]. O. Evans
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1906-05-08

Having carried 10 Washington the
vote OF Utah that helped TO make
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1906-05-08
FROM THE JoKEMAKERs.

Teacher-Now, Bobby where is ST
Paul?
Bobby-In heaven, I t'ink!"-Puck.
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1906-05-08

She was ready to sink through the
floor. She did not speak, but he had
only to look into her great, shy eyes,
to divine her mind. Going down." he
yelled. accordingly. to the elevator boy.
Puck
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1906-05-08

You can't see Mrs. Oldun,' said the
servant, she has the toothache."
You must be mistaken" replied the
man, Il am her dentist and I have her
teeth In this package. e."-Philadelphla
Press.
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1906-05-08

The department store salesman had
taken twenty-ninc rolls of dress goods
from the shelf and was a trfle impa-
tient. Madame" he said, politely,
isn't there anything here which suits
you?"
No" replied the fair shopper. L
guess l won't select the goods now.
You see. I'm just looking for a friend
There's another roll on the shelf "
said the salesman. I'll take is down IL
you think your friend is likely to be
in it"-Puck
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1906-05-08

Young Doctor wonder why old Mr.
BJones never came back TO me- He
complained of shortness of breath
Old Doctor-What did you say to
him?
Young Doctor simply said to him:
"Tll soon stop that" - Philadelphia
Record
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1906-05-08
STRAP HANGERS LEAGUE

STRAP HANGERS LEAGUE.
Judge.
II couldn't get a seat In the cars to-
day"
"Oh, that's complaint of long stand
ing"
The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1906-03-29

On one point is every man down here
thoroughly agreed. and his feeling in
that regard is not affected in any way
by the fact that he was most eager to
come, that he went through almost
everything with this for his goal, and
that he fully realize just what his candi-
dacy meant even should he have the
good fortune to win, when he first went
into the campaign three quarters Of a
year ago, that one point is that from
the supreme leader down everyone will
rot be thoroughly glad when the whole
thing come to an end. The taxpayers
themselves will not be more thank
full when that time comes.
At last Wednesdays session of the
Senate bill was introduced by Sena-
tor Brown-To provide for the definite
and final establishment Of the boundary
line between Allegany and Garrett
counties.
Also by Senator Brown to prohibit
the sale Of liquor within three and a
half miles of Mount Zion Methodist
Episcopal Church, in District No. 8 of
Garrett county.
The Governor has signed bill No. 1873
Restricting the sale of liquor within
three miles of Barnum's Station, in
Garrett county.
Also No. 159 To make certain index
in Garrett county.
Last Tuesday the bill introduced in
the House by Mr.. Ashby To limit the
number of acres Of land to be held by
mining companies passed the Senate.
PAUL WINCHESTER.
The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1906-03-29
FIN ZELL.

We are eniovino fno slo;abioo 4ho
FIRST Of tho u,;,+o,. ''''''7' yin
Ira FinzaI and vife Mrs p.obo,
FinzoI wil1io,, Tboro1,, amd a,,;sa
Finzal s7or+ C,,ndo,, - pS,.lir D.
F,,b,ai,,o MoKo,a;o e D;4taI,-e, H.
Holm KaIIy Rorio,,,;,, Llor,o+h CLo,,laa
Miss Fdro o,d Nv, rIama D., e.
AI+oor, Do o++anao1 49, 80 r. r
Ambrose NcEZorz;o
Miss Fs+be,. Ro,.,.s++ IF 1,,o,+,,,,.,.
Nd enant - fou, dove boz. ,-.;+I, $500
Mrs Jana FinzoI .,,ont -, fo,,. la-.. -,
Cumberland ,,;si+ino be-, bo,,,a "
The ,.iobt Of ,,,o,, NOV, fo,. A., ,3,,t,-1,
ara VISITING, o,,, ,roro,.t,. -, -,
tba Wow n ,,,,,,.lot.;.,c. ,,;a.l,l - ...s,.
fo,, THEN. co,,,narv
The Wabosb Eno.;,,o,.. b,..- .,.,..
hack aoai, and oro l,;,,. ,,,or, -.
mo
One of o,,,. bas+ and ,,,a.4 L;,.l1.. -.
snactod citizons An,h,o., W. 49,
died Monday o,,o,,ino. oe r,,a,,,,l,,;a
He bod,, woe l,,,,.;oa :. ~. C.n--1..
The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1906-03-29
. NEW COURT HOUSE
WAS RECOMMENDED
BY the March Term Grand Jury in
Its sRepOrt to the Court.
OLD BUILDING UNFIT AND UNSAFE
For Its Present Requirement Its
Condition Bad Generally and the
Legislators are Criticized for Not
Providing for New One.

On Friday morning the Grand Jury to
the March term of the Circuit Court
completed the business for which it was
called and made its report to Judge
Robert R. Henderson, asking its dis
charge at his hands, which was granted.
The report of the jury, which is print
ed below in full, recommends the cree
ton Of a new court house on the site
procured by the county for the purpose,
condemns the present building as being
unsafe and unfit for public uses, criticiz-
es the local members of the Legislature
for not providing the proper measures
to begin the building of new edifice,
congratulates the County Commission
ers for their work in building the new
jail and very generously compliments
the people of Oakland who contributed
of their means to secure the site for the
new Jail and the proposed court house.
The report Of the Grand Jury is as
follows:
To the Honorable, the Judges Of the
Circuit Court for Garrett cOuntV:-
The Grand Jurors for Garrett county
respectfully report
That we have examined all witnesses
brought before us and carefully consid-
cred the evidence and where the evil
dence seemed to justify, indictments
have been returned.
In the performance of our duties we
have been greatly assisted and the bust
ness expedited by the advice and coun-
sci of our able States Attorney, Mr.
Fred. A. Thayer.
AS one Of our duties we have inspect
ed the Court House, offices and Jail.
We find the court house totally made
luate and unEt for occupancy and dis
s-a43a to Our bounty. We find that the
vaults for the Keeping Of the records,
plats, etc, well kept by the officials
having them in charge, but totally in
adequate for the needs of the county at
the present time, the same being e,i-
posed to destruction by fire, dampness
or any person maliciously inclined.
We find the Clerk S and all other Off
ces and rooms in the building sadly in
need of thorough cleaning and have
expressed our views TO the County Com
missioners, who have promised to have
the matter attended to at once.
This body, by unanimous vote, de
clared for the building of new Court
House, and we regret very much that
our representatives in the General As
sembly Of Maryland have so far failed
to introduce bill authorizing the Coun-
ty Commissioners to issue bonds and
build same at once on the site now owned
by the county.
We further express the hope that the
jury terms Of the Court be changed to
The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1906-03-29
hr. James Giipin Da vigorously Hurt.

Last Saturday morning, March oath,
Mr.. James Gilpin, a member of the
local railroad crew at Swanton, had lust
stepped from the Company's tool house
to the edge of the track when freight
train, unheard in the binding snow
storm, bolted around the acute curve
at Swanton and struck the unobserving
man from the back, dashing him in its
down-grade run with violence to the
railroad bed. DR.. Fazenbaker discov-
cred the right limb to be badly broken
above the ankle, bruises about the head
and face with probably serious internal
injuries from the blow on the back. The
Dr. regarded the patients condition so
grave that he took him as quickly as
possible to the Hoffman Hospital at
Keyser for surgical treatment.
Mr.. Gilpin is about sixty-one years of
age, has a very dependent family of
wife and four children. Only a few
weeks ago he lost twin infant sons.