davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Washington herald., 1906-11-22

That man who is seeking 10 excuse him
self from the commission OF crime by
pleading that the spirit OF his father
forced him 20 DO IT, should be given 10
understand that the breaking OF the hon
orable law IN this honorable country isn't
10 be excused because the spirits Of one ;
honorable ancestors have a hand in II.
The Washington herald., 1906-11-22

The New York World has discovered
''the house in New York where Adelina
Patti was born" The irrelevant and IN
interesting fact that Adelina was also
born in Madrid doesn't make any differ
ence. A woman Of her fame ought 70
have some eight or nine bIrthplaces in the
course of hundred years
The Washington herald., 1906-11-22
They Know Nobody.

Another murder"
'Miscreant unknown by the police. of
couTse?"
Yes. Say. the police are mighty ex-
elusive, amt they?"
The Washington herald., 1906-11-22
Remarks OF the Turkey.

From the Atlanta Constitution
ITO save my life said the Turkey. 1
done see what they have to be thankful
for. when I'm as tough as the beef
trust,"
The beef trust" replied the AK. is a
dead issue. Wait iii get a lick at you.'
The Washington herald., 1906-11-22

Senator-elect Robert Love Taylor will
doubtless insist that those who speak Of
Mayor Schm.tz's great musical ability be
careful 10 differentiate between a "aS-
der and a "viOlinist" Governor Tay-
lor is 'hddler,' and scorns any other
appellatioa.
The Washington herald., 1906-11-22

A scientist has figured it out that the
average pace Of a snail is one mile in
fourteen days. That woUld-be knock
er. who complained that the Panama
Canal was moving "at snairs pace"
was giving it d pretty rapid stride, after
q
The Washington herald., 1906-11-22
COnverfed-

From the Chicago Record Herald
Are you in favor Of tariff reform?'
Yes, sir, have sold out my factory
and am now a member Of the large army
Of consumers. Why should we pay tribute
TO a few people who have already been
made rich beyond all reasOn?'
The Washington herald., 1906-11-22
Not Even He.

L see that the President marched
through the streets of Colon
"Ah. but even he has his limitations
What do you mean?"
He couldn't review himself"
The Washington herald., 1906-11-22
Ruf Whafg

The times are on the bumi
That's plain to any kid.
And I maintain. by gum,
That something should be did!
The Washington herald., 1906-11-22

'Sergius Witte wants TO consider the
proposed imperial reforms section by
section" but finds II pretty hard TO main
tain a calm bearing with the revolution
lists threatening to consider his anatomy
in the same disjointed manner.
The Washington herald., 1906-11-22
J. sIont Fnsseft.

The rUmored arrangement whereby Sen
ator Platt is 10 resign soon after Gov
elect Hughes and the new legislature are
installed at Albany this winter and the
Hon. J. Sloat Fassett IS 70 be elected TO
ill out the unexpired term. which ends
March 3. 1903. is a reminder that BIr Fas-
sett is the last Republican candidate for
governor Of New York. who was defeated,
his successful Democratic opponent being
the late Roswell p. Flower This defeat
seemed utterly 70 crush him for several
years, and be wandered of 10 one OF the
Territories. He rehabilitated his flnan-
cial condition by his adventure in the far
frozen North, and when he returned 70 his
old home at Elmira the Plat crowd nom
mated and elected him TO Congress two
years ago from the Thirty-third district
II is the understanding that If he should
be elected TO succeed the old Easy Boss"
in the Senate. 1t will be only to fill out the
unexpired term, for coincidentally with
the expiration of that term Theodore
Roosevelt will again be private citizen
unless, Of course. the country meantime
should manifest its unaIterable determine
eAOA Aot MN ~ llleiAe a SdCLlliCs Dg aC-
cepting a third term In the White House
But as the President has so frequently de-
clared that he viii not listen TO the siren
voice OF the thiTd-termers. it is generally
believed that his determination will pre-
vail. IN that case the country probably
would demand that he come to the Sen
ate. an arrangement 70 which Il is known
he has no particular objection Should
the President consent to don the Sena-
tOTial tOga, Mr. Fassett very probably
would gracefully yield. and his name
would then live IN history as the states
man who stepped aside in order that
Theodore Roosevelt might serve his coun-
Try in the Senate
The Washington herald., 1906-11-22
Presidential Lightning.

Ajax must have been a PTohibitionist." 3"
What are you driving at now?"
Tradition states that he was always
defying the lightning"
The Washington herald., 1906-11-22
One Never nnon

From the Catholic Standard and Times
"Gragley tells me he got mixed Up in q
scrap on election day"
Did he win out?''
"Of course. II he hadn't he wouldn't
have said anything about H."
The Washington herald., 1906-11-22

In your minds eye, can't you just pic
ture the oldest inhabitant" in Panama,
about hundred years hence, telling the
youngsters all about It,
The Washington herald., 1906-11-22

Fortunately, not many men and women
entertain such ideas about matrimony as
Mrs. Parsons expresses. If they did.
practically all marriages would not only
be trials. but tTibulatlons as well.
The Washington herald., 1906-11-22

'Gasolene Will clear up dirt Ike magic. %
notes well known woman's magazine
And when accompanied Dy an able bodied
automobile, IL has also been known 10
clear UP a street like magic.
The Washington herald., 1906-11-22

The Anderson Is. c. Daily Mail has
discovered a secret society that forces Il
candidate to eat half pound Of canned
sausage before giving him the signs
That is enough to destroy his belief in
signs.
The Washington herald., 1906-11-22
A Popular Proposal

From the Boston Transcript.
Raising revenue by taxes on the banks
ought to give popular strength 10 the
whole currency, reform proposal.
The Washington herald., 1906-11-22
Same Goods.

The girl / used 10 know as AIayme now
masqgerades as Maybelle. She's sweet
and pretty Just the same; she's only
changed the label
The Washington herald., 1906-11-22

Many desertIons are announced from
Upton Siuclair's Utopia. The trouble with
Utopia seems TO be that the contents Of
the can fails to come up to the preten-
siOns of the label.
The Washington herald., 1906-11-22

Chief Pleasant Porter ought not 20 be
made railroad president. as has been
suggested He ought 10 be a whisk broom,
manipulation on the Pullman car.
The Washington herald., 1906-11-22

Sometimes a person feels as II he would
be willing to make a trip to the lower re-
sion, just TO find out how the Old Boy
manages TO keep the furnace going during
cold weather.
The Washington herald., 1906-11-22
Politics or Poker,

From the Dallas News
A standpatter is usually a "four-fush.
eT"
The Washington herald., 1906-11-22
PEOPLE OF NOTE.
Gen. Charles F, Humphrey.

The reported intention OF Gen. Charles
F. Humphrey. Quartermaster General Of
the army, soon to retire. Is somewhat
puzzling to his friends. In army circles
Gen. Humphrey is generally accounted
one OF the most efficient .quartermaster
generals who have held that responsible
office In a generation. BY the manual
operation Of the retirement law he would
not leave the service for fully two years
II is his privilege to retire under the
thirty years retirement act, but ne Is so
active and strong intellectually and ply
sically that it is not believed he has made
UP his mind to quit the army because Of
a threatened breakdown. Gen. Humphrey
fought his way up from the ranks dur
ing the civil war He has been connected
with the Quartermaster's Department for
more than q quarter Of a century, haV-
ing been promoted from grade to grade
until he reached the head Of the depart
ment He organized and managed the
supply division Of the army that was sent
TO Cuba, and made a record In that work
which has attracted favorable attention
from the military experts OF Europe. His
retirement Will be genuinely regretted by
the army and a large circle Of friends IN
Washington and throughout the country.
Bowen and LOomis Again.
What appears TO be a weli-authenticated
rumor is being quietly circulated TO the
effect that both Herbert w. Bowen and
Francis b. Loonis soon are to re-enter
the diplomatic service The quarrel be-
tween these two diplomats stirred the
country about a year ago. Mr.. Bowen
succeeded Mr.. Loomis as minister 70 that
hot-bed of intrigues, Venezuela, and filed
rather grave charges against him after
Mr.. Loomis had been called by the Presi-
dent from his post as Minister 10 Portugal
to the First Assistant Secretaryship Of
State In Washington. John Hay was i'll
at the time. and the Hon. w. II. Taft was
sitting on the lid" at the Presidents di-
rection. The result OF the investigation
conducted by Secretary Taft into the
charges against LoOnis was disastrous to
Bowen, who lost his place in the diplo-
matte service. In his written memoranda,
submitted by Secretary Taft to the Presi-
dent. the statement was made that moth
ing had been developed which proved
LOOMS unfit for further service in the
diplomatic corps. At the time this was
taken 70 mean that President Roosevelt,
who is fond Of Loomia, desired 20 rein
state him In the service at future date.
Now II is reported that he will be ap-
pointed 10 an important post, and in or
der to show that Mr. Bowen has been
punished enough fer his attacks on Mr
Loomis he will be given another trial In
the diplomatic service, probably in South
America.
The Washington herald., 1906-11-22

1lr. Bryan is now a Presbyterian elder.
Elder Bryan is old enough 10 know bet
ter about some things, TOO.
The Washington herald., 1906-11-22

The way those Spanish-speaking audi
ences scattered great applause" through
our Engiish-speaklng Presidents speech
es IS calculated TO make the Congression.
al Record look like thirty cents.
The Washington herald., 1906-11-22

"Give Hearst a chance" SAYS the Bos-
ton Traveller Mr.. Hearst, considering the
source Of the suggestion, will probably
like 10 know what variety Of lemon
that IS
The Washington herald., 1906-11-22

No one seems able to think of a title for
Mr. Shonts that quite describes his pres
ent glory. How would THE Main Gazabo''
do?
The Washington herald., 1906-11-22

What the high school girls would well
come with exceeding joy just now is a
little simplihed grammar.
The Washington herald., 1906-11-22

Parties with elephants destined for
Uncle Sans domains will please have
them weighed before shipping. No ques-
tons asked at the customs house.
The Washington herald., 1906-11-22

The Standard OIL is said to be prepared
for the worst. Evidently Miss Ida Tar
bell Is going 10 write another exposure
The Washington herald., 1906-11-22
No Cut Rates.

From the Indianapolis News
There are no excursion rates on trains
Of thought,
The Washington herald., 1906-11-22

Reichsverdrossenheit IS a word the EN-
peror Of Germany does not like, and we
are not on speaking terms with it either
The Washington herald., 1906-11-22

The Lynchburg News has a short edito-
rial on Honesty in Politics" The editor
ran out Of ideas before he got a good
start
The Washington herald., 1906-11-22

The President says one p. Bigelow s
criticisms OF the canal will pass as the
idle wind which we regard not" Isn't
that what you call reaching for the solar
pleXus?
The Washington herald., 1906-11-22

Every time the Sultan OF Morocco turns
a corner these days, some nation jumps
at him and yells "Rooh."
The Washington herald., 1906-11-22
Racing and betting at Benning.

The Weather Bureau. the gOOsebOne
and the almanac ought 10 get together.
The Washington herald., 1906-11-22

From the New York World
If Platt resigns viii Depew say Me
too?"
The Washington herald., 1906-11-22

It is Just possible that the lady about
70 start for the north pole will reach It.
No telling where feminine curiosity NAY
lead
The Washington herald., 1906-11-22

Secretary Root says Hearst has STRUCK
twelve" Looks more ike he struck out.
The Washington herald., 1906-11-22

Senator Platts constituents may Just as
well become resigned 10 the thought that
the Senator has no intention OF resign
ing.
The Washington herald., 1906-11-22

In commenting upon the Murphy-Croker
row, the New York Mail handed out this:
'Mein liebchen. was whilst du noch mehr 90
1t isn't in the back of the dictionary, so
all the newspapers are reproducing il Just
as if they knew what it meant.
The Washington herald., 1906-11-22
Pfttnhurr-

From the Richmond Times-Dispatch.
It's sort Of a bottomless Pittsburg.
The Washington herald., 1906-11-22

The New York Central seems 10 be
a hopeless victim OF the rebate habit
The Washington herald., 1906-11-22

Slgnor Caruso pleads that "the lady
was by no means young" Why add in
suit 70 injury Ike that?
The Washington herald., 1906-11-22

Now, then, II there We're only q few
pirates TO fight on the way home,
The Washington herald., 1906-11-22

New York's treasurer-elect is a baker.
He Is entitled TO a piece of pie.
The Washington times., 1906-05-30
CONF FERENCE HELD
OVER RATE BILL

The conferees on the railroad rate
bill met at noon today with FIVE mem
bers present Senator CulIom was un-
able 10 attend Chairman Knapp. OF
the Interstate Commerce Commission.
was present, at the request Of the con
ferees, 10 explain a considerable num-
ber Of verbal amendments that have
been put into the bill AT the suggestion
and request Of the commission Most
cf these have beeen adopted in the
Senate without opposition on the state
ment that they represented the judE-
lnent OF the commission. and the con-
ferees desired 10 make sure exactly
what was intended.
The cOnferees were in session about
two hours yesterday. considering main
ly the various minor amendments 10
" hich no objection is likely 20 be raised.
end going over the verbiage OF the
bill The Jim Crow car amendment.
which vas offered by Senator Warner.
of Missouri. has been the subject OF
some discussion. but Southern mem
beTs are confident IL viii not be changed.
The Washington times., 1906-05-30
PLOT TO KILL KING
ON WEDDING DAY 1!!!

LONDON, May So.-The Evening
Standard SAYS a plot has been hatched
to XIII King Alfonso OF Spain tomorrow
The police are acquainted with the
Vaccinations OF the conpirators and
are keeping a close watch on every
known anarchist who is going TO
Madrid. A well-known Spanish anarch-
ist is at the head Of TIE plot. 1t is
known that he started for Spain few
days ago, accompanied by eight compan-
ions.
The plan Of the conspirators is to have
fifty European anarchists stationed
along the line of the wedding procession
tomorrow and the onew no gets an
opportunity Will throw a bomb at the
King. Five men provided with bombs
are 10 be stationed outside the church
IN which the ceremony IS 10 be perform
ed for chance TO throw the bomb
The details OF the plot became known
through a conversation which was ac-
cidentally overheard yesterday.
The Washington times., 1906-05-30
BR|GHTWOOG AVE.
TO BE RENAMED
District Senate Committee
Recommend Georgia"
GEoRGlANs ARE ANXIOUS
Washington Residents From Cracker
State Wanted to Be Adequately
Represented in Street No11en-
clature Of Capital.

The Senate District Committee viii
take hand in changing the names OF
several streets in Washington. if a bill
II proposes TO change the name OF
BrlghtWOod avenue 10 Georgia avenue.
and the name OF the avenue now known
as Georgia avenue 20 Arsenal avenue
BY the change the name Brightwood
VIII become a thing OF the past. so far
as streets or avenues within the Dis
trict are concerned.
Ihls change Is contemplated TO satisfy
the desire OF Georgians who are resi-
dents OF Washington. They want
prominent thoroughfare named after
their State, and point out IN support
OF their claim that every one OF the
other thirteen original States has been
given such a distiuctiOn. In bringing
their complaint 10 Congress the infrr-
ence OF Senator Bacon was secured On
April . last he submitted a bill 10
change the name Of North Capitol street
20 Georgia avenue.
such q change, however, did not meet
with the approval Of the subcommittee
or the District Senate Committee 10
which street bills are referred. as North
Capitol street has become so thoroughly
well known 20 Washl- gtOnians as the
dlNlGlng lire between East and West
Washington north OF the Capitol To
make the change desired would neCCs-
S4rlly create much opposition from the
business interests of Washington. After
skIImislins around for a prominent
RriChtwood avenue was seiScred- II IS
understood that the selection meets
with the approval Of the Georgia pOPu-
lauOn Of the Capital City
The Washington times., 1906-05-30
LAW SCHOOL STUDENTS
READY FOR SHEEPSNNS
Commencement Exercises Scheduled for
June II, at CASTOR Hall, George
town University.

With the final examinations for the
year A matter OF history. interest
among the students OF the school Of
law. Georgetown University. is stirred
by the plans for the commencement
exercises 10 Oe held in Gaston Hall.
University Building. the evening Of
Monday. June II, beginning at 8 o'clock
Father Buel. president Of the university.
who is 10 preside. VIII make a brief
opening address. The discourse 10 the
graduates Will be by Justice Wendell
p Stafford. OF the Supreme Court Of
the District The awards viii be an
nouuced by Chief Justice Shepard. OF
the Court OF Appeals OF the District.
Members OF the fourth year class. at
the conclusion OF the exercises, viii pro
ceed TO the Shoreham TO enjoy a ban
euet while the members OF the third
year class are to assemble at the Ra-
leigN with a similar purpose in view.
Al recent mass meeting at the law
school building the student body listen
ed 70 addresses bv Chief Justice Shep-
ard Chief Justice Clabaugh. United
States Attorney Baker. and Commits
sioner OF Internal Revenue Nerkes. all OF
the law school faculty. and President
Buel OF the university. in regard 10
arousiug enthusiasm in debating.
A committee OF FIVE. with Daniel ".
O'DOnoghue as the faculty member. will
be appointed 10 meet during the summer
vacation and discuss plans for further
ing the efforts of the debating society at
the next term.
The Washington times., 1906-05-30
ELOPED YEAR AGO.
SECRET JUST OUT
That Love VIII Find a WaV
Demonstrated
Again:

That ,cye will find a way was again
demonstrate ed today. with the hsppv
sequel that two young lovers. whose
r2mantic story tells OF a midnight e9br
10 Rock vile. Md. a wedding ceremony
In tHe dim light Of midnight. and a
heart secret kept from their friends for
fourteen months. have just announced
their runaway marriage Of March p
1905. and have received parental bless
i7gs from both sides, and are now the
T---I'.1r~'s of congratulations from
scores Cf interested and surprised
friends.
The young lovers in question. who
have thus surprised their parents ana
friends are John J. Moser, of 2s Rhode
Island avenue northeast, son OF Rev.
Jacob S Moxer. and Miss Camille 4.
Pfizer. daughter of Mrs. Adele Pfizer.
clerk in the Land ONCE. whose home
Is at the Farragut apartment Mr. Mos
er who is employed in the Office Of
Stone * Fairfax. has been- the devoted
admirer Of Miss FfIzer for the past two
years. but neither the parents nor the
friends OF the young couple suspected
that they intended a hasty marriage
until the news was broken today by
Mr. Moser.
Although the news was entirely m
expected 20 Mrs. PfiZer. she took IL
with al the grace OF found mother
and LAS insisted that the Young cou-
pie begin thir- carly married life with
her ~ the Farragut. The youthful
groom parents view the runaway
match ii the same light and both faith
er and mother have given their un-
stinteC blessings
The Washington times., 1906-05-30
AMERICAN TENNIS TEAM
SCARE OFF FRENCHMEN

LONDON. May sO.-A council of the
Lawn Tennis Association was held this
afternoon 10 discuss the failure of the
French association 70 give notice
whether its team would meet the Ameri-
can team at Liverpool on Friday In the
preliminary round for the Davis Cup.
IL was decided to assume that the
match had been abandoned and to can
ceUthe tickets. France will also be in
formed OF the intention of the associa-
ton 10 infiict penalties In the future for
the Abandonment of matches. The
American players will now proceed TO
practice at Wimbledon prepare tory to
playing the Australians at NewpoTt in
The Washington times., 1906-05-30
METHODS OF BEEF TRUST
DENOUNCED IN GERMANY

BERLIN. May 3o-The tainted meat
disclosures which have been made in
the United States have aroused a great
deal Of interest throughout Germany
and are the subject OF many editorial
comments IN the newspapers today. The
oeef trust is roundly denounced by most
OF the journals which deal with the
subject and some OF the papers, with
out discriminating. condemn all Amerf-
can business institutions
The Morgen Post asse Is that the
beef trust magnates were murderers.
The Tsgeblatt remarks that this Is a
new form Of the American peril" Eu-
roFean purchasers must now understand
thet death turks in every tin of potted
meat imported from America
The Reichsbote states that the trust
showed frivolous disregard for the
health and lives OF millions of people
throughout the world. who purchase
American timed meats.
The NoFWetz SAYS that an American
trust Is synonymous with a gang OF
mUrdercrs. and criminals and the Neuszt
pays its respects 10 America generally
by Stating that America is 2.oe9 years
behind the times in regard to questions
OF public morality. The remainder of
civilized people recognize Christianity.
but America has unblushingly adopted
Satan as the inspiring spirit OF public
LIE
The Washington times., 1906-05-30
EPSON DERBY WENT
TO RANK OUTSIDER
Spearmint, 40 to I, Maher Up, Won.
Lally. Favorite, and Null
SecuRSIS Also Ran.

LONDON. May 5o.-Sir Tatton Sykes
Spearmint. an outsider. with Danny
Maher up. against which as good odds
as 20 10 l could be obtained. carried off
the blue ribbon Of the British turf
today. leading the field in the great
Epson Derby by a safe margin over
Picton, at : to l, with the Duke Of
Westmin5ter's Troutbeck, at 25 to !, in
third place.
Lally. the favorite, was unplaced. while
Null Secundus. on whom King Edward
pinned his faith, was among the also
rams" The winner had not been seri-
ously considered by any Of the expert
handicappers. though since the with
drawal OF Sir Daniel Cooper's Flair il
had been conceded that 1t was the most
open Derby run in years with almost
any horse in the race a possible win
ner. The event has justified this much
of the judgment OF the experts
The usual great crowd saw the pre-
mier horse race Of the world run today
Every class of society from the royaI
family TO AIRY and his 'Arriet was
represented.
Many Americans were in the crowd
and as a rule they were liberal patrons
Of the book kmakers. Few of them
eashed on the Derby.
The Washington times., 1906-05-30
REPORT SCHOOL BILL
TO SENATE TOMORROW

The school reorganiza ton bill with
many Senate amendments will be report
ed 10 the Senate from the Senate
District Committee tomorrow. The first,
second and third sections Of the bill as
IL passed the House will be unamended
The fourth section will be materially
changed in the matter of graduating the
scale OF salaries to he paid teachers
AS the bill goes 70 the Senate teachers
in high schools will be given A minimum
salary Of 5000 a year. The maxirrum
salary will not be changed
Several changes will be made in the
sections covering the holding of board
Greetings, the control Of schools. and the
method Of executive administration
Inc District appropriation bill will also
be reported by Senator Gallinger torlor-
row.