Audubon Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Iowa) 1894-1925, 1906-07-05
Kidnapped the
Wrong Person

wen, resumed the man from MIS-
souri,, thus encouraged, according to
the way they tell it up at Sitka, there
were two Eskimo villages somewhere
above the circle, but not very far apart,
and for some reason or other that
doesn't figure in the tale, these two vii
lagos were not on speaking terms with
each other. In fact, there was sort
of an east Kentucky feud on between
them, and whenever a man from one
village met man from the other there
was some kind of trouble between
them. / don't know whether 1t was
a battle with snowballs or blubber-
eating contest, but anyhow it nearly
always ende1 fatally for somebody,
maybe an innocent bystander. Well, in
one OF these villages there was a beau
teous maiden. Now, gentlemen, you
understand | am simply repeating what
they told me up there. and they didn't
crack smile when they said IT, There
was beauteous maiden in one, and in
the other there was young man who
could OGtrun. outspear or lick any 9TH
er man in that section of the ice box,
according to claims of his fellow-citi-
zens, and, of course, they set great
store by him. This here mighty man
when he happened to meet the beaute-
Gus maiden aforesaid, who had mad
vertently strayed from her parents
Chris mas castle. The result was the
same as usual. The Eskimo man was
smittan sore and the Eskimo maid was
clean gone on him before the aurora
borealis could give warning. Well
young Teller made all kinds of over
lures 10 the girls pa; offered him wal
rus tusks and husky dogs, and the Lord
only knows what else, for the young
woman, but the old man laughed him
to scorn. Then the youngster played
what he thought was winning card
enough TO feed the family all winter,
and offered TO swap even. This stag
gered the stern parent and he came
pretty near maxim a deal, but the
neigh hors butted in about that time and
the whole party chased the lover out Of
swearin', by jiggers, he'd have that
maiden if he got his feet wet in the at
tempt, and that, they say, is terrible
oath TO: an Eskimo.
well, after considerable figgerin'
and nOsin' around he decided the only
way to get her was to sneak in at
night, or when they was all asleep, and
carry her off by force. Now, according
to what they told me up there. these
EskimOs don't sleep in feather beds like
civilized people, but they crawl into
bags, pull the draw string tight over
their heads and snooze until the alarm
clock rings. Young Lochnivar he puts
out from town along about ten o'clock
in the evening, accordin' to our reck-
onin', and, after trampin' miles over
the ice, climbin' a mounain slidin'
down a glacier and crossin' great
chasm on a log, he reaches the land OF
the foe and the home of the girl. He
brides the night Waterman with a bot
tie of hair oil and then slips into the
snow Ialace of the obdurate sire OF
course. the whole family was sleepin'
in the reception hall. That's a way
the EskimOs have, they told me up
there They say it's warmer and more
sociahle. But when they're all sleepin'
in sacks and the Illumination is poor
this COngregatin' together adds to the
difficulties of making a selection. But
LOchnivar didn't hesitate Could his
heart be mistaken about which sack
contained his beloved? Gosh, No. He
picked up the likeliest bundle, threw il
over his shoulder and hiked for the
/ suburbs. 1t was a pretty hefty package
and there was evidently some objec-
tionS from the inside of it, but oul
hero toiled steadily homeward. 1t was
a risky job 10 skin across that chasn
on a slippery log with such a load, bu
! he did it, and he climbed the glacier
and lie scaled the mountains. Long
about gettin' up time he staggered into
his own village and up to his own hut
tired out, but safe and victorious. Now
by jiggers, the beauteOus maiden was
in his possession. Now he would feas
his eyes upon her shining countenance
Now for one long, fond embrace
Trembling with Impotence, he tore
open the sack.
Gentlemen" said the Missourian. al
he paused to relight his cigar, eff wha
they told me up there is true, the shocl
must Lave been terrible"
We'll, don't keep us in suspense.
exclaimed the red-headed man, "wha
was If the sack?"
The Missourian blew three smok,
rings and then calmly replied:
His heart was mistaken. 1t was tn
old man he had carried off."-Cincin
natl Inquirer.