The Plymouth tribune. (Plymouth, Ind.) 1901-1911, 1906-04-05

With this Pa Jones a~ffectionately
kissed the amazed Ma. patted little Fido
on the head, and then went to his den,
where he spent the next two hours mer-
rily chuckling to himself.
The great event finally arrived, and
even as the tuncful orchestra was play
ing the danceful strains OF a glide
waltz, the servant at the door impress
sively announced:
Cousin Hez and Cousin Maria"
Ma gave one startled glance at the
late arrivals, gurgled something mar
ticulate. and yearnfully lcnged to die
Mother-in-Law Smith was also the vic
tim Of conflicting emotions, and grab
Ded her heart with both hands, while
Sis and Edythe emitted soulful signs.
Johnny and Willie, however, whopped
with real joy, and Pa seemed pleased.
Hello, Hem" was the CHEEKY greet
ing Of ConsIn Hez, as he oozed into So
ciety. slows all Their folks? How's
Mary an Their kids? Why there's Mary
nowl Hoydy do, Mary! 'Pon my soul
you don't look a derned bit older than
you did twenty years ago. It's wonder.
full what tight lacin' and drug store
paint will do fer a woman! l was jes
tellin' Marian t'other day tibet IL she
would"
Henry" interjected the blushlng
Ma, freezingly, perhaps your cousin
would like some refreshments-
"Don't worry about us, Mary" In
terposed Cousin Hez. I'VE will get
along all right! We had some ham and
cabbage what was left over from din
ner jes afore we started. an as fer
drlnkables I've been on ther water wag-
on ever sense Seth Frazier's hog killIn'l
Gee whizz! l thought 1 was never go
in ter get here on time! Their ole gray
mare had ter go an git Their collie, an
Marian couldn't git her stockin's on! 1t
was them stockin's what you left down
to Hedge Corners last summer, Mary
Yer see, Marian is a leetle bit heayier'n
you, an"
Henry" cried the mortified Ma, re-
~proachfully, "you haven't asked your
cousin to go to the smoking room |!
YOU
81 amt smokin' now. Mary :" rejoIn-
ed Cousin Hez, with a thankful smile.
"Tber man what runs Their grocery at
Hedge Corners got his terbaccer an
cayenne pepper mixed while tryin' ter
chuck a strange dog out Of Their store,
an I've swore of smokin' till / see tibet
Their rest of Their natives hev stopped
sneezin'i What do you think Of this
society rig Of mine. Hen? l give $1.9S
FOR them pants, an / think tibet IL /.
had anted up Their other two cents 1
might hev got Their rest Of Their legs !
Howsomever. when you've got boots on
yer don't notice tibet they're about six
inches shy They say tibet clothes don't
make Their man, but II it wasn't fer
buds some dudes wouldn't get by! l.
What's Ahat, Hen? Oh, never mind in
~terducin' me ter yer friends nowl I'm
so ~dod-gasted dry tibet my slaves are
fallin' in! Where's yer pump?"
Greatly to the relief of the exercised
Ma, Cousin Hez was led to the kitchen
to quench his thirst, and during the in
teryal matters were explained to the
smiling guests.
You contemplate brute! You In
~sufferable scoundrel!" shouted the en-
ragged Ma, with blazing eyes when all
was once more quiet In the happy home
of the Jones Family. How dared you
do such an atrocious trick as that? How
dared you invite"
Don't get excited. sweetheart! Don't
get excited" was the exasperating re-
Spouse of the happy Pa. There's no
use crying over spilled milk, but the
next time be wise enough to ask your
Uncle Henry to help you carry the
Jug"
In just n second the battle was In