Willmar tribune. [volume] (Willmar, Minn.) 1895-1931, 1906-02-14

words directly antithetic to each
other can be combined to form a COM
mon meaning. One could not we'll de-
scribe friend as a tall short man,
and consequently one may not de-
scribe financier by the adjective hon.
est. I had hoped, billy, that your
studies had progressed to that point.
''There are many forms of finance,
and all forms are described most fully
in the penal code. but, unfortunately,
under different names It is this that
causes such great difficulty, for our
public officers are EotOriOusly weak
on synonyms, my boy. No more pa
theft: sight can be imagined than a
conscientious public officer seated in
his study at midnight, spectacles on
nose and magnifying glass in his hand,
struggling nightly to find some ade-
quate penalty for financier. The
poor man 1abors with all the ardor of
a professional mendicant in search OF
work, but he is doomed to failure from
the first, for while he is searching I'M
der the rs in the code, his remedy
is lying carefully concealed under the
u.s. which letter, Dilly, trust will
not have to tell you is the first one
in the word thief"
Twill the poor man ever find his mis-
take, uncle?" inquired little billy, anx-
iously.
Il am afraid not, Dilly," responded
his uncle, sadly. I'm fact, 1 may say
am sure he will not. You see his con-
slant studies have almost ruined his
eyesight, and by the time some kindly
considerate friend points out the error,
the public officer will be completely
blind. 1t is pitifully sad case. One
grain of comfort remains to us, my boy.
It is that occasionally we hear of new
cure for shortness Of vision. have al
ways maintained that we pay our public
officials altogether too small sum for
the work they have to do. Should their
salaries be increased, so they might
maintain their families in better style
and without drudgery, who shall say
their eyesight would not improve? But
to return to the financier, my dear
nephew.
"Pursuing the subject one finds a re-
markable similarity between the mid
night marauder and the midday finan-
cier. The first. should you inadvertent-
ly exhibit roll of real money on a dark
street, will merely beat you to death
with a blackjack. The other, with the
kindliest feelings in the world, will, at
the sight of your long green, direct your
attention to the newest painting he has
secured from abroad, and slug you with
bundle of watered stock. The result is
the same, but the penalties are far diff
ferent. One Of the most familiar forms
of finance may be described as selling
something one has not got to some one
else who does not want it and then buy
ing the same thing which one never had
at a figure which only exists in the i'm
agination. This may seem tritle in
volved to you, Dilly, but it is no more
involved than the ways of the financiers
themselves. Compared to many of our
eminent financiers, my boy, second
story man or sneak thief, is COM
pound of all the virtues, and should oc.
cupy niche in the hall of fame.''
Cali financiers are rich, are they not,
uncle?" asked Dilly.
mo, my dear boy, not all of them.
Some are in jail. They are only wait
ing, however, until their release to put
into execution a plan for beating an Or
phan asylum out of the oatmeal that
has been donated to it, and then they
will have plenty of money"
But is financier always dishonest,
uncle?' inquired little billy. "
. Not always, my boy" replied Uncle
George, fervently. i Sometimes hs is
dead" ~ - .x@- h ~ s !.
- =: =. ~. >..S: Tx.