Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1906-05-28

brought back from Cuba cigar eight |
cen inches long made Of the best Ha-
vana tobacco and presented it to Can
non. Uncle Joe took it, smelled of it,
turned it over and over, caressed it
lovingly and then said:
''By gum, Nick, it looks good enough
to put cream on and eat
A young and inexperienced speaker
sitting near Mr.. Cannon at a banquet
was called on to respond to a toast.
He started out in this fashion:
Gentlemen, my opinion is that the
generality of mankind in general is
disposed to take advantage of the
generality off,
Here Uncle Joe interrupted him.
''Sit down, son. he said. you are
coming out of the same hole you went
in att
Champ Clark of Missouri one day
came Looping down the center aisle of
the house. rocking from side to SIDE,
but getting distance at a surprising
rate.
There's Clark" unused Speaker Can
non. Look at him travel. If he had
had four feet he would have been a
camel"
A delegation once called. ON the
| speaker in favor of a certain measure.
/ He assured them that he favored it.
| However, gentlemen he added, ''it
is always hard to tell what the house
| will do. God only knows, and some
times | doubt if he knows what the
senate will do"
! When President Roosevelt was re-
modelling the White House the side
board bought BY President Hayes was
sold This action Congressman John
/ Wesley. Gaines DENOUNCED in a long,
loud and eloquent speech.
Mr.. Cannon took the floor to reply.
He feelingly alluded to the fact that
! Abigail Adams had once hung clothes
| line and dried her wash in the east
room.
Where, Mr.. Speaker" said Uncle
Joe, in an imprisoned voice, where is
that clothesline today?"
The effect of Gaines speech was
swallowed up in the roar that fol-
lowed.
Cannon is inordinately fond of green
corn. He often tells a story of stop
ping at an Illinois hotel and eating corn
until the cobs were stacked into great
pyramid beside his plate. The landlord
eyed the proceeding until he could
stand it no longer. Approaching Can
non, who was unknown to him, he
blurted out:
Say, stranger, what In thunder do
you want to board at hotel for? The
place for you to put up at is a livery
stable. Don't. you know that green
fodder is dunn sight cheaper in a
barn than In houseT
Here Is another western hotel yarn
told by the speaker: He had tried to
rest In a hammock out on the lawn,
but had been driven out by the flies.
On complaining to the landlord, that
worthy told him that he should use the
hammock in hammock hours-from IL
to O'Clock each day.
why, are there no flies around the
hammock between IL and 2T' asked
Uncle Joe.
"Oh," he rejoined, 'at that time
they're all in the dining roomr'
The sage of Danville uses language
that is sensational and warm. In fact,
he swears like a pirate. After an old
Quaker had heard several explosions of
the Cannon profanity he inquired:
Joseph, wilt thee take some advice
from meF'
why, certainly"
well. then. thee had better ice thy
language or take out posthumous fire
insurance policy"
The speaker has many invitations to
let his name be used In advertising CT
CARS, WHISTLES, etc, but when the rep
resentative of an underwear company
asked for the privilege of using a pic
ture of Mr.. Cannon logged out in a
union suit of underwear Uncle Joe
drew the line.
Never. he cried-"never will CON-
pete for pulchritudinous laurels with a
woman-a dead woman, too, the Venus
de MiTo-in the back pages of the mag
azinss''