The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1906-07-11

you can't shake of, no matter whether
you am as big as Il haystack or small!
huff to crawl into a bari.
Julius Caesar was a great man. He
walked arouad all puffed out and his
coat tails wavin'. and de man who
didn't glib him all de road was hung
within sixteen minnits. A good shere
Of de world took off dere hats to him.
and it nebber cost him a red cent to
go into a circus or to carry home de
biggest watermillyon in de bunch.
Lordy, but it would make your ha'r
curl to know jist how great dat julius
was and de swath he cut!
What happened to Mr.. Caesar AFTER
he had become great? Did he 60 Slid
in downhill widout any stumps in de
way? Did he escape all de b%otheration
dat m to common folks? Don't
you bet dat he did. He had chilblains.
He had biles. He had collie. He went
to bed wild headaches and got up wild
backaches. Fellers borrowed money
Of him and didn't pay 1t back. De
buttons ripped of his clothes, and his
cat got chased by dawgs. He heard
death ticks in de wall. he had de
nightmare, somebody stole his hens.
and when dat great man come to die
be was glad of It.
alexander de Great was a great
man. l was readin' about him lie other
night and felt chills creep up my back.
II he smiled at a man, dat man was
worth a millyon dollars widin q week:
II he scowled at any one. dat man was
dead within an hour. If he sneezed,
millyons of people hid in de woods; if
he roared, all de babies for ten miles
around dropped dead. You can Judge
how great a man he was when l say
dat de tailor who cleaned his clothes
dasn't send in a bill for fifteen years.
"And did Alexander escape de trub-
bles dat come to you and me and other
common folks? Let history answer.
Read it, and we find dat his mother
ln.law come to lib wild him and run dc
house; dat he fell off de shed roof and
broke a rib; dat cherry chimney in de
house smoked: dat water got into his
cellar and dOated de 'taters about; dat
his hired gal packed her buds and quit
at an hours notice: dat his COW had lie
boiler horn and somebody rizened his
dog. Alexander was great. but he had
to pay orr it. and when he finally got
de measles and caught cold and was
brung to his dyin' bed he seemed pow
erful glad to 70.
Take somebody higher home. Take
George Washington, for instance. Eb-
cry picture YOU see Of him looks as
complacent and smilin' as If he had
won a prize in a lottery. You read Of
him in history swellin' around and
dom mighty little for his wages. and it
has got so dat more'n Il millyon boys
in dis kentry am sighin' to be WASH
ingtons.
Turn lie picture ober and gaze on
de other side. Do you imagine dat de
frost didn't kill his cowcumber vines?
Dat de hawgs didn't bust DER way
into his garden? Dat de ager didn't
shake his bones and make his teeth
chatter? Dat de crows didn't scratch
up his CON and de Guild populashun
walk of wild his watermillyons? He
found buttons of his shirts: he found
humps in his bed: he found de hired
gal usin' his toothbrush: he found dat
somebody had stolen de hoe and bro
ken de AZ: he got kicked by de COW
when he MIXED and got bit by de old
boss when he cleaned him of. Don't
let nobody fool you about George
Washington. or co'se he "a a big
man and saved de kentry. hut he had
70 pay for it Jest de same.
Most Of you have a volume or two
Of Shakespeare. bought on de Install
ment plan, in de house. When you get
cot down in de rockin' cheer. pipe in
mouth. and de winds b91NS' around
outside. dat poetry seads 90 sleek and
slick dat you can't imagine any trub-
bles comm to de man who made II,