The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1906-02-04

bosom of my family I would wander
forth again. At this particular period
l strayed so far away that I could not
get back, and it lacked but two days
Of my twenty-first birthday. ON my
twenty-first birthday the governor
won't refuse me- l said to a friend, so
if we can scare up the price for a col
leCt telegram I believe he will come
down handsomely After much think
ing and rewriting. I finally sent the
following message. Father, I am q
today, and broke
How we hung around that Western
Union telegraph office waiting-wait-
ing for the wire that would soon put us
on the sunny side of Easy street al
last. The next day the answer came
Collect This was puzzling. How
ever, I borrowed the price and read my
message from father:
:" so was I, my boy, when I was 81 "
y
Probably no one will deny that Tod
Sloan is the greatest, or at least the
most noted, of the American riders of
thOroughbreds, says the New York
Globe. Time was when the press of
two continents printed long accounts
Of his deeds and misdeeds in the stir
Tups. That time is past, for Tod Sloan
rides no mOre-Or if he still takes an
occasional canter it is a harmless one
to horse and pOcketbOOk, a simple little
gallOp in the park.
He made his debut in vaudeville at
Hammerstein's Victoria, and a rOusing
welcome was accorded the little jockey
by an audience which looked not I'M
like the crowd in the Sheepshead Bay
betting ring on a warm afternoon.
He said he knew he was an awful
bluff and he felt as if he were rObbing
the mana cement to take the money for
= !, 4
plauded him to the echo, however,
which showed that it didn't think so.
81 confess I didn't know what to do
when / signed the contract agreeing
to come here" said he. 1T made me
think Of the remark Snapper Garrison
passed to Percy Williams when the
manager engaged him for a mOnOlogue.
But what shall I say?' said Snap
;" 'say?' replied Williams. Say!
Why, man, just tell them what you
did when you were riding. That's
what I'm going to pay you $1,000
week for
mot on your life said Snapper.
I wouldn't tell what did when 1 was
riding for $4,000 week
Lew Dockstader and DR.. OsIer two
celebrities, famous in their respective
callings, are great friends, and always,
when the minstrel arrives in Baltimore,
he calls the doctor into consultation.
Last week they enjoyed a twenty-mile
ride in the doctors auto, seeing new
Baltimore, which, phoenix-Iike, is now
completed.
IT must say, Lew, there are no jokes
in your programme that should be
chlOrOformed. All under age, and all
of them recently incubated. I heartily
enjoyed every minute
Yes, the show is built up on brand
new, modern lines like the town. But
doctor, why is it you have put your
time limit on the men and excluded the
women? That has puzzled many of US
scientists, doctor; for why were the
ladies barred?"
The doctors pale features contracted
into a deathly pallor as he whispered:
Lew. there are some things that even
a scientist never wants to discover. A
lady is exactly as old as she feels, and
there is no law prohibiting her from
looking like it. After the North Pole
has been discovered we may take up
that part of the discourse"
Doctor" inquired the comedian, eff
a physician sent me a bill for S1S6.
itemzed to show that So of it was for
medicine and $3.50 for visits, under what
code of ethics should I proceed to
square the account"
Let me see.'' replied the doctor.
that is very simple average med co
percentage statement on a medicinal
basis I will look up DR.. Bull, the
celebrated authority on mileage. Oh.
yes, here il is on page 900 02O In his
almanac Of 1905. which, by the way.
are the latest advices we have on this
subject. DR.. Bull very likely knew that
this subject would be agitated 100 years