New-York tribune., 1906-11-17
THE TALK OF THE DAY.

Rear Admiral CoghIan, conmandant Of the Brook
lyn navy yard. whose reputation as a relator O.:
good stories has increased each time he has spoken
az dinner, told a story a few nights ago which
given to illustrate his distaste for being the
last speaker
Having the last word the rear admiral said
reminds me of a story heard not long ago.
"A certain nan died and clergyman was en-
gagged TO offer eulogy. This worthy minister pre-
pared 2 sermon of exceeding length and strength
bur Just before he entered the paror deliver It
he thought that IT might be advisable TO learn
what the dead mans last words had been. So he
turned 70 of the weeping younger sons and
asked:
words?
h didn't have none the boy replied Ma
was with him 10 the end
A Good wtfe..Thank YOU. doctor. for prescrib-
ing trip to the Spa for me. Now, Will you please
bee beer ' and then my rip win be easily paid fo4?
Meggensdorfer Batter.
It is a curious thing says The Dundee Adver-
tser" that the officials Of Dublin Castle have al
WAYS been considered by ths Treasury Department
as most e=travag giant in coal As the result Of an
investigation recently held, the following amusing
notice has been circulated among the various offices
in the castle
Nouce.-In order 10 obviate the waste OF coal It
requested that fires should not be made up after
p II" uTsS re ff1cas are co+ed at ocIccs y o
Saturdays fires should not be made UP after u on
those days
Some years ago the Treasury sent over one Of It's
highest officials to inquire into the extraordinary
consumption OF coal in the castle. When ne called
on the Under Secretary and told the object Of his
visit, that funCtonary said nothing. but the
bell for the cnretaker. Mary" said he 10 the
domestic. this gentleman has called about the
Goals" and then walked out OF the room
A TRIBUTE TO DRY Goldfish.
She wrote 10 her daddy in Portland. Me. from
And She wrote alas, Respondent, that life had be-
And THIS was woful. wofuI case. for she was a
Who was Won and wed in the state Of Maine by
And ah aIack She was writing back that she
longed for Portland Maine.
could hardly stand the strain;
Though her hubby dear was still sincere. she
For good old sniT OF the sewers and salt from
the breast of Casco Bay.
And she wrote she sighed M ana she said she cried.
And she'd grown as thin as a Delaying pin. with
And She sort of limited that pretty she'd start
And hook for her home in Portland. Maine. by the
But her daddy dear was man OF sense. and he
And he sat and famed himself awhile with u big
And he recoIIecJed the way, he felt when he dwelt
in the worlds fair whirl;
He slapped his head, BY hake!" he said. II know
And he vent to a ten-cord pile Of COD and he
pulled the biggest OUT
a jibshaped crttteT $ broad s sEll-Jhres feet
from tail TO snout-
And he pasted a sheet OF postage stamps from
snout clear down to tall
Put on "a quick delivery stamp and sent the cod
by mail.
She srneit it a-coming. two blocks OF, on the top
OF the postman pack;
She rushed to meet him and scared him blind by
climbing the postmnn 3 back
But she got the fish, bit out hunk ate postage
stamps and all,
Denver, Col.
From u Charlottetown CP. r II exchange
The greatest smokers are unquestionably the
Dutch. each inhab.tant consuming about 3llO grams
Of tobacco year. Their nelghbors the BeIgians
next, with 2.4sS grams; then follows Turkey
with 2177 grams The United States Germany
France, Italy and Spain consume the average
about $50 grams, while the English content them
selves with about rs grams each year
Tubbs-I natter myself that honesty is printed
on my face.
-Well-er-yes. perhapg-with some allow
ance for typographical errors.-Phladephia In
Guirer