davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Spanish Fork press. [volume] (Spanish Fork, Utah) 1902-current, 1906-03-22
Explanatory.

Did you read about the girl who
shot a burglar?"
"The fellow the police said 'bled
like a horse?' Yes"
Il have a theory about that"
"Spring it."
"She shot a nightmare. "-Philadel-
phia Ledger
The Spanish Fork press. [volume] (Spanish Fork, Utah) 1902-current, 1906-03-22
In Russia.

Your excellency, we have executed
every revolutionist in the province"
"Well?"
But the revolution still goes on"
Then we must resort to more dras.
tic measures. PHILADELPHIA Bulletin
The Spanish Fork press. [volume] (Spanish Fork, Utah) 1902-current, 1906-03-22
Quite Essential.

young Roxley is learning to be
machinist."
"Ah, very commendable; wants to
have trade so that if anything hap
pens to his fortune he can"
Nonsense! No, he simply wants
to be able to keep his automobile go
Ing"
The Spanish Fork press. [volume] (Spanish Fork, Utah) 1902-current, 1906-03-22
Another Family Row Started

Young wife-Ive taken very great
pains over these biscuits, dear, and
The benedict-And now, suppose,
you want to see If they'll have the
same effect upon me-Stray Stories.
The Spanish Fork press. [volume] (Spanish Fork, Utah) 1902-current, 1906-03-22
Good Job,

Tuner--"Your daughter told me to
call and fix her piano"
Pater-"Well, what ails it?"
Tuner-"Three strings busted"
Pater-'What1l you take to break
the rest of 'em?"
The Spanish Fork press. [volume] (Spanish Fork, Utah) 1902-current, 1906-03-22
Amelioratins Circumstances.
First hobo--I sawed wood onct.

First hobo--I sawed wood onct.
Second hobo-And you one of the
profesh o, Clarence, how could you?
First hobo-I got out of an old log
jail.
Second hobo-Forgive me, Clarence.
fer misjudgin' you.-Terre Haute Star
The Spanish Fork press. [volume] (Spanish Fork, Utah) 1902-current, 1906-03-22
Both Entitled to the Name,

Customer-Have you any extract of
beef?
Waiter-Yes, sir, Brown or white?
observation-disclosures or white?
Waiter-Yss. sir Beef tea or milk?
The Spanish Fork press. [volume] (Spanish Fork, Utah) 1902-current, 1906-03-22
"All right, I'll see if I can find him.

All IlSntt ii see III / can nnu MIN,
What do you think that fellow
wants? He asked me il a man named
j. Hominy e. Frogeye is stopping
here"
That's my name" meekly remark
ed young man who stood at the
desk.
After the owner of the exceptional,
name had concluded his conversation,
the clerk recovered sufficiently to
ring for a glass of water.
The Spanish Fork press. [volume] (Spanish Fork, Utah) 1902-current, 1906-03-22
School for Women Chemists.

A school for women chemists has
been opened at Dessau, Germany.
Graduates can earn from $50 TO S4S a
month.
The Spanish Fork press. [volume] (Spanish Fork, Utah) 1902-current, 1906-03-22
II Was His Name.

Hello Well, what do you want?
Haven't you ever talked over tele,
phone before?" The hotel clerk was
in the telephone booth, says the Louis.
vile Courier-Journal
"Hello-hello-wel have you found
out who you want?-That's better"
The Spanish Fork press. [volume] (Spanish Fork, Utah) 1902-current, 1906-03-22
Ach, Louie |!

Don't you adore German?"
mo. Language too decollete."
"Too what?"
Those gutturals-too low in the
neck."-Cleveland Leader
The Spanish Fork press. [volume] (Spanish Fork, Utah) 1902-current, 1906-03-22
Her Symptoms,

Mrs. Jawback-The doctor thinks
you have govt and nervous prostra-
ton.
Mr.. Jawback-Why, the doctor
hasn't seen me.
Mrs. Jawback-No, but he saw me.
The Spanish Fork press. [volume] (Spanish Fork, Utah) 1902-current, 1906-03-22
Should Have Been 2 Year.

In my new play thirty days elapse
between the third and last acts"
You bot off easy. "-Clevelan
Ieader
The Spanish Fork press. [volume] (Spanish Fork, Utah) 1902-current, 1906-03-22

u. Hominy E. Frogeye, Well, what
do you think of that. Are you sure
that's correct?"
The Spanish Fork press. [volume] (Spanish Fork, Utah) 1902-current, 1906-03-22
The Real Shock.

Don't you think the peopl, 4
eNAl are very much shocked
revelations of big profits ID e.
Shocked? OF course u"
that they didn't get in on 'nv Z
floor first. baltimore Ane'"'
The Spanish Fork press. [volume] (Spanish Fork, Utah) 1902-current, 1906-03-22
panaerous Devotion

"Bliggins' wife thinks DC
greatest man in the world
Yes. That's very pin AN
proper. The only trouble 70 I
is getting BIZ irs 20 think ~
The Spanish Fork press. [volume] (Spanish Fork, Utah) 1902-current, 1906-03-22

whats that name again? ?"
The Spanish Fork press. [volume] (Spanish Fork, Utah) 1902-current, 1906-03-22

81. Hominy what? Well, who"
The Spanish Fork press. [volume] (Spanish Fork, Utah) 1902-current, 1906-03-22

spell it again"
The Spanish Fork press. [volume] (Spanish Fork, Utah) 1902-current, 1906-03-22
Desirable Ignorance

Jim PEBBLES Is foolish cuss he don't
know nuthin' much;
He don't know where the Poles hang out
nor where abide the Dutch.
He scarcely knows enough to get unhurt
acrost the street.
An when a Teller has him down he don't
know when he's beat.
He gets slammed back ut every turn. he
has tarnation luck
An less hard sense than any man that
have ever struck,
But ignorance Is bliss with Jim, uuhin
dcred by defeat,
He's bound to get along because he don't
know when he's beat
Philadelphia Bullet..
Okolona messenger. (Okolona, Miss.) 1900-current, 1906-07-25
HUMAN ENGINE IS COSTLY.
Scientist Gives Interesting Figures
on Food Consumption and
the Work Done.

According to researches of Prof.
Fischer the amount Of heat given on
by the food absorbed by grown man
and stored each day would be about
5000 to $500 kilogram calories. The
larger part Of thos amount is utilized
In the body for respiration, digestion
and for the various functions of animal
activity while about 300 kilogram cal
cries are spent during a working day
OF eight hours for continuous mechan-
ical work equivalent to $4,000 kilo-
gram meters.
AS each horse power hour Is equal to
10000 kilogram meters, the daily
work OF grown man would be about
.47-horse power hour. Under the above
conditions the author calculates the
cost price of 1OO-horse power in the
case OF man, Of horses and of ma
chimes. Two hundred and fifty work.
men at three francs a day being neces-
Pary to yield this amount of work, the
cost will be 750 francs In the case OF
human work; ten horses doing the
same amount Of work the expense will
be so francs, while gas engine In
wolves a cost Of six francs and gas
motor $50 francs.
Hence the author concludes that the
human motive force is a hundred times
more expensive than mechanical en-
ergy.
Okolona messenger. (Okolona, Miss.) 1900-current, 1906-07-25
A zAkoPANE HOUSE.
They Were Well Built, a. Is Proven
by Examples In the Center
Of Europe.

A Zakopanc house is a very careful.
~ finished wooden structure, built Of
tight-tltting. heavy logs of spruce,
which become reddish brown with
age. and are surmounted by a very
steep, high single roof which gives
a good protection against the heavy
falls of snow and rain, and with its
triangular gables Of acute angles har-
monises well with the Tatra peaks
and the tall spruce trees. The frame
OF the door is built Of very heavy
blocks of wood, surmOunted by q semi
circular arch. Joined together by two
anchor-shaped pieces, and held in
place by rows of deliberately curved
wooden pegs. The big rafters Of the
ceiling are embellished with carved
ornaments Of very unique concep-
ton. The circular kolo zboyeckie, the
heart-shaped pazenitsa, and the svas-
tica, with sharp points, are some Of
the main motives Of this odd orna.
mentation with which the goorals in
a very judicious way adorn their ASH
wood furniture, wooden vessels and
instruments. It is wonderful how in
the center Of old Europe they have
remained unaffected by the leveing
force of modern civilization, and have
developed style absolutely unlike
Poland or in neighboring Hungary
Century.
Okolona messenger. (Okolona, Miss.) 1900-current, 1906-07-25
IFun a rock ana hit me square in the
middle of mo back"
TRAVEL WEST IN LUXURY.
Tourists Have Choice of Many Pala-
tial Trains Run by Many
Different Lines.

The wagon trail of the almost for
gotten past, over which the weary
traveller spent weeks and often months
reaching his destined goal, has given
way to long railway lines stretching
out across the western country like a
gigantic web which centers in Chicago.
with its ends reaching to the Pacific
ocean.
Traversing the wonderful regions
which lie between opens to the tray
eler marvellous visions of beauty and
grandeur; magnificent mountain
scenery. picturesque valleys. bound
less plains and fertile regions rich
with verdure. Even the barren des-
erts fascinate, for their story is
strange and weird, and, like an unfin-
tshed picture. induce vague imagin ,ngs
Of events past and to come.
Where formerly the trail toward the
setting sun was made by the wagons
Of these venturesome spirits who
looked to the west for freedom and
opportunity and was necessarily a re-
stricted one, to-day the choice of a
number of routes is open to the tour
list. Convenience, luxury and ease
are equal whichever route is decided
upon. making the choice rest on which
section of the country it is desirable
to cross for the interest or necessity
OF the tourist.
Okolona messenger. (Okolona, Miss.) 1900-current, 1906-07-25
GOING TO PLANT LossTERs
A Vermont Farmer Who Thought His
Land Just About Right
for It.

Il was up In northern Vermont about
the first of May" said the Boston In
surance angent, and one day had q
farmer drive me across the country be-
tween two towns. In our conversation
he told me that he had 40 acres of land,
but owing to Its sterility he could
hardly make q living. In Q joking way,
and supposing he would take It a. q
joke, asked:
why don't you plant the whole
thing to gOndolas?'
"'Yes, / might he unused, but I
think have got 4 better thing -some-
thing that will pay big after two or
three years.
And what Is that9'
There was Teller up here from
Cape Cod the other day and he told me
that Il was just the place to grow lob
sters. and he's going to send me up
half dozen to begin with next fall
'Dld he give you any statistics
about them?'
Figures, you mean? All the said
was that they took care or themselves,
kept slKunks away and sold for so cents
apiece as soon e. they were big enough
to climb trees. That's good enough
for me.
Okolona messenger. (Okolona, Miss.) 1900-current, 1906-07-25
AN ACCOMPLISHED MULE.
Amusing Adventure Which Occurred
on the. Fraser River in Brit
ish Columbia.

The author Of Very Far West In
deed" has many amusing stories to
tell OF his adventures on the Fraser
river at the time of the gold excite
ment in British Columbia, now nearly
40 years ago, says the Youths Com
panion. He was making his way
through the mountains in company
with An Irishman when this occurred:
Two or three miles from the ferry
We looked about for suitable spot
at which to camp for the night; and
while thus engaged, Pat Herman and
], with one OF the laden mules, fell
behind. Pat was 20 or 30 yards ahead
Of me, and was urging ON the, lag
ging mule with gentle entreaties.
Finding these unavaiIlng, adopted a
more violent expedient, and threw a
stone at him. The stone Al was a
goOd-sjzed oDe-missed the mule. but
hit Pat In the back.
With many EXPLANATIONS OF rage,
Pat descended from his perch, and pro-
ceeded to lick the mule Hardly able
70 keep from laughing aloud, I i'm
Quired:
WHATS the matter. Pat?'
-Matther enoughl Here's this ould
black haste. not continted wild thrytng
to upsl. me iv'ry mint. has bin and
Okolona messenger. (Okolona, Miss.) 1900-current, 1906-07-25
Recognized the speech.

Senator Bacon, Of Georgia, was
making speech on the proposed Erie
ship canal and one Of his attentive lis
teners was the new senator from
Maryland, Mr.. Whyte. 1t was noticed
that Senator Whyte was unusually in
terested, and when the Georgia sena.
tor had concluded the Marylander went
over to call upon him. Senator.
where did you get those figures you
submitted to the senatef" asked the
new Maryland senator. Il don't know
exactly whore they came from" Sena.
tor Bacon replied, but my secretary
dug them IN somewhere, and / ann
willing to vouch for them, for be Il
very careful and painstakIng fel-
low" Il can vouch for them, too"
answered Senator Whyte. for used
the same figures in q speech on the
subject when was In the senate be-
fore" The speech Senator Whyte IT,
ferTe1 70 was one delivered in the sen
ate III 1881.
Okolona messenger. (Okolona, Miss.) 1900-current, 1906-07-25
local troops. On the other hand, the

local troops. On the other hand, the
prOmptuess, activity, etnCienCy and
sanity Of the regulars brought out the
plaudits Of the authorities and the PEG.
pie. They knew the work that was
cut out for them, and they did it i'm.
mediately, effectively and quietly.
Many lives and many millions Of dol.
lars Of property were saved by Uncle
Sans soldiers. One way to improve
the militia in soldierly conduct 10 to let
1t associate with the regulars for q few
weeks every year. The present Gus.
tom deserves the country's praise.
Every state which has the opportunity
should avail itself OF the privilege Of
getting 9 little practical instruction
for its militia in the school Of the SOL
der.
Okolona messenger. (Okolona, Miss.) 1900-current, 1906-07-25
THE STATE ENcAMPRaEMr.

At the money that the government al
lows Mississippi and the appropriation
given by the state were used to send
our three regiments to some regular
army maneuvers instead Of the annual
encampment, lasting good wonld be
accomplished.
This practice Of sending regiments Of
the national guard of the different
states to train with the regulars for
week or two each year lie good. 1t iS
recent custom, and ought to have been
adopted long ago. Each year now the
war department issues invitations to
the governors Of most Of the states to
send troops to the raIlying point in
their respective localities, and il most
cases the invitations are accepted.
This training is expensive, but itsis
worth al it costs. In war time much
OF the country's reliance would have to
be on the militia. The regular army
at present plumbers about 81. 900. while
the militia aggregates $4,000. Both
regulars and militia ought to be much
larger. Under the present law the
county can increase it, regular army
TO 100000, but reductions have been
made since tho act was passed, until re-
Gently the army hes been cut down TO
the $1,000 line.
Much complaint was made ~ the
people and the authorities at Sap Fran
cisco shout the conduct Of some 81 the
nilitta nt the time Of the earthquake
nnd are. The prOmisCuOua shooting
1kish wns done was committed BY the
Okolona messenger. (Okolona, Miss.) 1900-current, 1906-07-25
He Recovered His Artist.

It was at an afternoon party. The
hostess was anxious for a sensation,
and oesiring something other than the
orthodox thought reader and the
fraudulent palmist. engaged a troupe
Of performing fleas for the entertain
ment Of her visitors. The party was
q great success. When it broke up a
loud wall rent the air. 1t was the
voice Of the impreGario frantic with
excitement.
''What is it? Tell me, l impEora
YOU" said the hostess.
Zach, madam, has lost Won Of my
floas. We're has it gomez"
"At that moment q lady wearing .
gray gown brushed past him.
Zach, madam, pardon" said the
manager, greatly relieved. lightly pick
ing something from her shoulder;
.'vun Of my artistes."
Okolona messenger. (Okolona, Miss.) 1900-current, 1906-07-25
carl schurx Story

About q year ago the late Carl
Schurz was asked: "You have been
in the United States senate. at the
head Of a cabinet department and
editor Of a great newspaper. Which
position was most to your faster" He
answered: THE senate-incompar
ably" No other man of foreign birth
ever showed such dne command Of the
English language or used 1t so felic-
itously. A man who objected strongly
to his politics but admired his talents
az q writer once said: Il wish Mr..
Schurz couldn't write 80 we'll: / could
hate him better"
Okolona messenger. (Okolona, Miss.) 1900-current, 1906-07-25
e Pound out.

80 you believe in the transmigras
ton Of souls. do you" Queried the
man with the crimson beak.
Il do" answered the solid citizen.
What d you s'pOse | was In for
mer slater" asked he OF the c, b.
"Oh," was the reply. "you were
probably q man before you became I
tank. - Chicago Daily News.
Okolona messenger. (Okolona, Miss.) 1900-current, 1906-07-25
NOT % short'

70! dear" sighed Mrs Galley, "I've
stilI got 70 plan my bathing suit.
wish J could gst some good sug-
gestsons--"
IN give you one promptly re-
marked her husband Suppose you
build the bottom OF 1t 4 little closer.
70 nsa-evel this year"
Okolona messenger. (Okolona, Miss.) 1900-current, 1906-07-25

If you had suit against some big
corporation in the United States SUI
preme Court and q chance to win, it
would probably take some years to
even reach it on the docket, but some
thing Of real Importance" to "every-
one they will act at ouce; That an.
gust bunch have just decided that
dried lizards are drugs.
Okolona messenger. (Okolona, Miss.) 1900-current, 1906-07-25
Very Genteel.

such nice young man took me
out to dinner last night such wen
hammered man. d. you know, when
the coffee came and ed poured it in
Is saucer, instead OF blowing on IL
like q common person, e famed il
with rs 'atl''-Puhch.
Okolona messenger. (Okolona, Miss.) 1900-current, 1906-07-25

Carlyle, who said, "Give me the man
who sings at his work." would see the
foolishnesS of that saying if he could
watch the diggers Of the Panama ca
nal. So far, that's about all they have
been doing down there.
Okolona messenger. (Okolona, Miss.) 1900-current, 1906-07-25

Why shonld United States Treasurer
Treat continue to harpe on the scarcity
Of one and two dollar bills3 It's pain
fully evident to good many.
Okolona messenger. (Okolona, Miss.) 1900-current, 1906-07-25
one BleesinR.

well" said Morner. poor old
Spowter has gone to that bourne
whence no traveller returns"
eyes, replied Crouch. Thank
goodness, he can't come back and lee
ture about IT,"
Okolona messenger. (Okolona, Miss.) 1900-current, 1906-07-25

Roosevelt may De forced to run
but we don't think with sufficient force
to again land him in the Presidents
chair.
Okolona messenger. (Okolona, Miss.) 1900-current, 1906-07-25

The country is prosperous, but not
because Of the republican party It's
because we are all hustling. And the
South 10 in the van.
Okolona messenger. (Okolona, Miss.) 1900-current, 1906-07-25
L.ovelv Woman,

''Some women said Uncle Eben.
''nOt only wants DER own way, bus
dey wants de privilege Of bIamin' deiR
husbands fob lettin' 'sm have II, II u
dom turn out right"
Okolona messenger. (Okolona, Miss.) 1900-current, 1906-07-25
E8TABLISHED 1874.

Insanity is purely q made to order
disease nowadays. A good criminal
lawyer seems to be the best expert.
Okolona messenger. (Okolona, Miss.) 1900-current, 1906-07-25

Harry Thaw doesn't want to be in
sane but his mamma and the lawyers
will insist that he lie, so what can he
81
Okolona messenger. (Okolona, Miss.) 1900-current, 1906-07-25

See our Mems Muslin Gowns now 30c
We are selling all Ohild's, Children's,
Misses and Ladies' Oxfords and SAM
dals as previously advertised. Only
few pairs left now.
Okolona messenger. (Okolona, Miss.) 1900-current, 1906-07-25

300 Negligee Shirts were 81 SO now 81
500 4" $1.OO now 100
Straw Hats, values cut in half ESQ per
cent. on.
The Tupelo journal., 1906-01-26
OVER HALF MILLION SHORT
Wreck of the Shoe Co. I'm
ST. Louis Grows Worse the
Deeper 1t is Obe

st. Louis, Jan. 20.-Following g.
joint committee meeting of credit
ors and stockholders Of the Ten
nent Shoe Company, Friday, at
which the startling revelation of Q
deficit of $5S3,630 between assets and
liabilities was made, a firm of expert
accountants was installed to ascertain
what became of this half a million.
Legal proceedings will probably de-
pend on the findings.
A sorrowful phase of the concerns
methods was discovered in the fact
that old and confiding employees had
been induced to subscribe $500, 900 to
common stock, now said to be worth
less.
The total liabilities of the firm as
ascertained at this time are as fol-
lows: Preferred stock, $500, 900; COM
mon stock, $4,000 900; deficit between
actual assets and amount set forth ia
company's statements to Little and
Hays, $223,878; total. $~1,023,S7S. To
meet these obligations there is left
in assets stock valued at $437,S78.
The Tupelo journal., 1906-01-26
MISSISSIPPI MATTERS
Cheap enough.

Returning from the session of the
Southern Cotton Association, which re-
quired travel to and from and three
days expense in New Orleans, the legis-
.lative committee reported an individual
expense account of 81. Is each. There
was no contest, no talk of scandal, nc
inquiries as to whether any wine had
been INDUCED in, or gold bricks pur.
chased out of the account. On the con.
trary several of the members who did
not go set about very solicitous in.
q~uiries to the members OF the com
mittee. The question was, How did
you do it?n Railroad fare, three days
in New Orleans and an expense account
of $11.75 was such an extraordinary
comparison of financial statistics that
it created a hubbub, and the members
of the committees who have been de-
tailed on junkets to the several State
institutions are wondering what viii
happen to their expense accounts wher
they are submitted. These latter com
mites are often the guests OF the in
situations that they visit and have les:
of natural expense than were they
visiting a city like New Orleans, anC
they are now fearful as to the result
by comparison when they submit ex
penSe accounts.
The Tupelo journal., 1906-01-26
CLEVER IN
Ability of Italians in Copying For
eign-Made Devices Is Re-
markable.

Italian cleverness in machinery ID
which, it is pointed out, American en-
terprjse sometimes fo-gets when rating
European manufacturers who have
been in the field longer than them
selves and have some opportunities SUI
perior to those of the Yankee. The
Italian ability to copy machinery made
in other countries is remarkable. The
Italians are keenly alive to the fact
that they might supply their own home
markets from their own workshops,
but that they may enter the export
trade as one of the strongest compete
tors of America. The greatest thing
for Italian trade this year has been
the success of the pair of Italian
machinists in a series of motor car
races. In Milan and the country
round about there are about a dozen
factories capable of competing in the
manufacture of automobiles, paper
bags, wrappings, tools, ~engravings and
engraving machines, electrical and
other machines and their parts, and
of many other articles. 1t is these
and all of Americas other strongest
European competitors that will exhibit
in Milan's exposition next year. The
American consul there advises Uncle
Sam to send his best goods thither.
lest by failing so to do he lose much
business and prestige.
The Tupelo journal., 1906-01-26
WASP IN THE TELEPHONE.
Joker Blew Smoke Into Receiver and
Got His Nose Into
Trouble.

Smokers have heard much, in these
days of microbes, of the disinfecting
power of the fumes of tobacco; so
much, indeed, says the Chicago Inter
Ocean, that the practice of blowing a
Whit of cigar smoke into the speak
ing bell of a telephone to discourage
germs that may be there lurking has
become a pretty general habit. One
frequent user of the phone, however.
is only now recovering from the les
son which taught HIM, a few weeks
ago, never to blow before he looks,
and it is probable that he will not
again be so windy, whether he looks
or not. On the occasion in question
the smoker blew a Whit of a fra
grant Havana into the phone, when
there emerged from the dark interior
a WASP, which lit on the nose of the
blower and lost no time in making a
lasting impression. In the suddenness
of his retreat the smoker knocked
over q $50 vase, which was smashed,
and damaged a typewriting machine
by letting the telephone receiver fall
on 1t. The nose is slowly assuming its
normal functions.