The Union times. [volume] (Union, S.C.) 1894-1918, 1906-09-14
pOINtLESS pENNINGS.
\ BILLY.''
-

Billy is monarch of Bachelor
street-'nuff ced.". Just walk
down about THE TIMES office, at
any time, night or day and you
will be almost sure to meet him.
From the telegraph Office down to
Bailey's market he roams unmo-
Tested, or rather in spite of all
molestations. For none can stop
him and few dare to try. His
walk is not the quick nervous step
that characterizcs most of his tribe,
but slow, steady, deliberate, dew
ilish amble. He never runs-he is
fat and lazicr than mule.
Billy is the big, old, brown goat
belonging to Mr.. Johnson, the
livery stable man; or to be more
accurate he makes that his head
quarters. Never thinks of consult
ing Mr.. Johnson about either his
comings or his goings. In fact,
Mr.. johnson gets out of the way,
and Billy does as he plcases.
This big specimen of the goat
family has eyes that remind you of
the dcvils-thosc you have sYn in
dreams, you know. The vcrFspirit
of Satan himself shines through
these windows of his-I started to
say soul, but if Billy has ~ soul, it
is going to take him somewhere, "
and I'd hate to go with it. Yes
sir, by just looking into those eyes
YOU can tell that he is in league
with Beelzebub. think fur
thcrmore that he is the
walking incarnation of the
following named firm, Billy,
Bcelzebub e Co.-with Lucifer as
the Co., for he is proud withal.
The scorning tone of his whole
department proves that.
And Billy thinks too. Two
weeks ago when we put up the
frame for our stereopticon sheet,
Billy was standing hard by watch
ing the operation. i glanced at
him and thought | could discern
the trend of his devilish cogitations.
Sure enough, twice before night
closed in he had deliberately butted
down the whole thing. Yes, and
when a buggy is placed in the
stable yards where he disapproves,
he asks nobody to move it, but he
himself performs the stunt with his
natural equipments for such bust
ness. When he wants the whole
shed room to himself, he, without
hesitation, will butt every buggy
and wagon out into the yard, no
matter of what kind the weather
may be.
And Billy's appetite is good too.
He will chew up anything, from a
!; horses tail to keg of nails and
everything in between, for example,
buggy cushions, tin cans, and a
case of matches. Strange to say he
not only never has collie, but he is
cten fat.
1t is always easy to tell when
Billy is in the neighborhood. His
approach is heralded by an atmos-
pheric change, said change usher
ing in odoriferous conditions detec-
tible by sensitive organs specially
constructed by nature for the pur-
pose of distinguishing odors.
The small boys derive much
pleasure in teasing this lazy, old
fellow. They put a sack over his
head, but he knows it is not a
crown and resents the insult.
They poke him with a stick, but
Immediately he concludes that it is
not his sceptre, which in his lazi-
ness he has allowed to fall. They
throw rocks at him, and he knows
full well that they are not bou-
quets; so he never smiles thanks in
return. They should not do Billy
this way for they are running his
temper.
One thing / am very much con-
cerncd about is that Billy has an
awful cough. / do hope it is not
consumption, for it might prove
fatal; and honestly, Billy is not
ready to die.