Heppner gazette. [volume] (Heppner, Morrow County, Or.) 1892-1912, 1906-06-07

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Statesman.
do you think the widow will breal
his will?' won't be necessary. Sh,
did that long before she became a wild
'ow."-Philadelphia Ledger.
Maid-Are you at home to Mrs
Toney, mum? She's at the door. Mis-
tress-I am If she has new hat on
not otherwise.-Cleveland Leader.
Inert Ike-Wot does ''procrastinate'
mean? homeless Homer-To put off
Inert Ike-Gee, but wuzn't we procras
tinated from dat fast freight !-Cleve
land Leader.
Jones-What do you think Of the
Louvre gallery? Smith (just back y
Oh, the pictures are pretty good, but
there are no jokes underneath them
New York Sun
Christian Science Mother-Eleanor
what Is the matter? Christian Science
Child-Oh, mamma, got a terrible
error Of the mind in my stomach
Medical Journal.
Strawler-I've seen Snippem, the
tailor, going up to your studio every
day for week. Is he sitting for you 7
Deuber-No, he's laying for me-
Cleveland Leader.
Madge-They say she is very clever.
but have never noticed It. Marjorie
OF course not. She says all the clev-
er things about you after you have
gone.-Harper's Bazar.
New York Man-Why do they call
Boston "the Hub?" San Francisco
Man-Because the swiftest part of the
country is the furthest from it.
guess. Leader.
DO you joke writer's ever make
Jokes at your own expense" For the
first few years all our jokes are made
that way. After that, If we're lucky,
we get paid for 'em."-Ex.
Mother-Has Charles proven himself
to be a thoroughly abstemious man?
June Bride-Yes, indeed! He partic-
ularly abstains from giving me any
money-Detroit Free Press.
There are too many grafters In the
world" said the patriotic citizen. "Un-
questionably," answered Senator Sor.
ghum; pretty soon there won't be
enough graft to go round. ."-Washing-
ton Star.
Miss Passey-A fortune teller has
told me where l should find my future
husband. Mrs. Situplate-Good
give me her address at once Perhaps
she could tell me where my present one
is.--Judge
Hix-I don't believe half our rich
men know when they are we'll of. Dix
Where did you get that idea2 Hix-
At the court house. l was down there
this morning looking over the tax lists
Daily News.
Dear JOHN wrote Mrs. Newlywed
from the shore, II inclose the hotel
bill" Dear Jane inclose check"
wrote John, but please don't buy any
more hotels at this price-they are rob-
bling ou.'-Smart Set
Sporting Customer-A pound of
cheese. please. Grocer-Gorgonzola or
Cheddar? Sporting Customer-Oh,
don't care. Start 'em both across the
and I'll take the winner
Philadelphia Telegram.
Cabby-I 'ad beard like yours
once, but when l found what 1t made
ME look like l got 1t cut off, Busy
An l had face like yours once, an
when l found l couldn't get 1t cut off
grew a beard.-Punch.
do you know anything about this
note?" asked the man from the col |
lection agency sternly. The impecu-
NOUS one looked at the paper careful |
". NO. he decided, Il can't say that
ever met t."-Cleveland Leader.
Mrs. Goode Ca clergyman's wife)-
My husband always says a short pray
II before each meal. The New Cook
Indignantly We'll, he needn't take
'ich precautions phwile I'm at tn
'ange; I'm no cochin' school grad
,oate Puck.
Friend-Whats that big box on the
ront Of your machine? Automobilist
That's a camera for taking moving
'ictures. You see, l go so fast | don't
lave time to look at the scenery and
% l photograph 1t as l go along
Illustration.
Daughter-No, mamma, Harold has
lot proposed yet-that is, no in 30
many words Mother-Mercy on me,
'ane! You must not wait for words
PROPOSALS are mostly made up of sighs
urgles, stammers, coughs, hens, haws
nd looks, you know.-Ex.
What are you studying now?" asked
1rs. Cumrox. I'VE have taken up the
ubject Of molecules" answered her
on. Il hope you will be very atten-
i've and practice constantly" said the
lother; Il tried to get your father TO
ear one, but he couldn't make it stay
4 his eye."-Medical Standard.
"A GIRL" said Miss Prim, should
lways teach man his distance"
YES" replied Miss Koy, but the right
Drt of II man would know his dis
ance. l have no patience with the
GLOW who stands of about three feet
nd then leans way over to kiss you.
$ IL you were hot potato."-Ex.