Martinsburg herald. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1881-1920, 1906-05-19
A GLIB YOUNG MAN.
SUIT HE PICKED OUT THE WRONG
OLD LADY.

con n Of my trips through the hem
lock belt said the travelling grocery
man. Il picked UP a glib young cnan
who was passing through that INTEREST,"
ing rural district afoot, with an assorted
stock OF side lines that he insisted he
would have no difficulty in dickering on
4, the unsophisticated dwellers, either
for cash or barter, such entire conn
dence did he have in the responsiveness
OF his tongue and the sickness OF his
manner.
"He assured me of this in a way that
I wasn't brought up 70 regard as modest
as | was giving him a lift on his way
toward Geeville, and he vas so anxious
to show me an example OF his irresist-
ible style Of doing business with the
hemlock belters that / stopped at a
comfortable looking little farmhouse
near the roadside. where the benevo-
lence and sympathy that beamed from
the gold trimmed specs Of the old lady
who stood In the door led the glib Il
confident young man TO remark to me
as he got out OF the wagon that II he
didn't have a mortgage on that place be-
fore he got through he had forgotten his
business.
La exclaimed the old lady, as the
confident side line chap approached tho
house and saluted her. 'Sellin' thingsy
The glib merchant said he was, and
she told him TO sit down. which he did,
In the only chair there was or the little
porch.
81 see you are a woman OF business
he began at once, and so there Is no use
OF wasting time. I'll get right at 1t.
Now. here's barometers'-and he pro-
duced one from his stock. with a ally
wink ovsr his shoulder at me. There
amt anything more useful than bar
""Them's the things that tells you
when the w~eather's goin' to change.
amt they?' asked the benevolent old
lady, innocently.
Yes, ma'am,' replied the side line
man. There amt anything that1l tell
the
"'Oh, yes there is the old lady cut In
on him. I've got a bunion. See 1t
h'istin' itself there on the right hand
corner o. that foot?
why say When that bunion be-
gins to make weather | kin size up the
kind It's goin' TO be three weeks ahead,
an kin generly tell when it's goin to set
In, down to the l%ittlest part Of a minutes
THAT bunion took to workin toll
er'ble early this season. an sent r
up the creek fer folks to git fer high
ground, fer on March 9. at jest 3 80 .. m.
in the afternoon, the Ice would break
and come down a-hummin' and clean
things from A TO lizard, but 1t didn't do
1t. not till 2:31 p. m.
al see to wunst that there was some
thin the matter with that bunion, an SO
| investigated. And what do you think2
Part o. that bunion had got a little FROST
ed, somehow, and Ii sort O. ~stagnated II
so 1t couldn't work exactly up to its full
tilt, and 1t had fell shy a minute on tell
in the time o. the comm o. that ice
down the creek.
Sensitive? That bunion? La, me-
And tell the changes? Why, say!
That bun-but there's lots o. folks
round here that hain't got no bunion
In the family, an | git tired O. their
runnin' here a-consultin' mine every
time they want to plant '~taters, or kill
a hog. or pole beans, or go to town, an
them folks ought to have barometers.
I'm Jest do you a good turn, young
man, seem as you're strugglin' to bene-
fit tn district! I'll hang that promoter
o. your'n up here, an when they come
here after weather they'll see 1t, an
how 1t works, an they'll pine fer one.
So all you'll have to do, when you come
round this way ag'in, is to fetch along a
big stock OF promoters, an you'll ketch
a trade that1l skeer you.
Don't thank me! I'd ruther do II
than not. | like to lift people along
And the benevolent and sympathet-
&c old lady took the barometer and hung
It on a nail against the side or the house.
Now said she, turning to the
amazed and whiting side line distribu-
tor. I bet you got cough medicine!'
That's what | have said the glib
yOuuB man. TousinS again W uuty
Here you are! DR.. Strainem's Elixir
of Egyptian Tar! Nothing ever like It
for knocking a cough or cold endways.
I'LL
Fudge and iddlesticks.' exclaimed
the benevolent old lady. why don't you
cure that cold o. your'n, then?
I'VE don't never have no coughs nor
no colds round here! Why? Cause o.
my mixtur' o. boneset. allycampane and
skunk cabbage, That's why!
Here you be, young mani See it?'
and she produced a bottle done up In a
red wrapper.
Here you BET said she. Fifty cents
a bottle. 1t is, but | kin make 1t three
bottles fer a dollar TO you!
Three, hey? All right I make II
myself an warrant 1t. Therel They'll
fit right in there where you took the
promoter out of. Dollar. Thank YOU
An don't fereit when you come agin
to-
but the glib young man Of the side
lines grabbed his budget and mado