The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-07-28
COLONEL BUNKER.
He Tells of Gentleman Who Was NO
Gentleman.

During my first term in the SEN
ate of my native state. as 1 may have
told you" said Colonel Bunker, after
disposing of his cocktail, Il introduced
a bill making it a penal offense for any
person to encourage the bullfrog to
below 1 had studied the reptile and
proved to my satisfaction that he was
quiet and docile, unless encouraged to
the contrary. made personal ex-
periments Standing beside a bayou
where there were thousands of bull
frogs, I saw that as long as I kept
quiet the frogs kept quiet. If began
to sing they began to below found
that the negro was the encourager of
the bullfrog, and the bill was aimed at
him.
I'm the state school of natural his
tory was a professor named Chester.
He at once took issue with me on the
frog question. He claimed that frog
had got to below about so often to get
rid of his surplus wind just as a whale
must rise at intervals to fill his lungs
with air. He cited instances where
frogs had had their mouths tied up so
that they couldn't below, and in every
case they had exploded within twelve
hours.
There was a direct issue between
US, suh=a direct issue. answered the
professor through the public prints.
and it was said that my remarks were
pungent. The professor had several
things to say, and 1t was also remarked
that his Observations were pungent. l
spoke of him as the Bullfrog Doctor,
and he got bark by referring to
Bunker's Bullfrogs. He finally char
acterized me as the last of the Dodos,
and l promptly retorted by sending
him a challenge. He accepted right
off the reels but when I appeared the
next morning he was not to be seen
After wait of an hour he sent word
that the duel would have to be put off
for a couple of days. Think of the alb
surdity, subj Colonel Bunker obliged
to wait until it could be determined
whether a grasshopper required lime
in his system to enable him to digest
his food with the best results. 1 stood
on my dignity and made up my mind
to have nothing further to do with the
man, but a week later met him on
the street and he held out his hand to
me and said:
Colonel and Senator Bunker?'
The same sub, and at -our serV-
Ice
You are the bullfrog man?'
Ana come to think of it. we we've
to fight a duel. I was too busy at the
date named, but I will meet you nj
sunrise tomorrow mawning- neNer
fought a duel. and l think I should like
to try one for novelty Have you
receded from your position on the bull
frog question YETI
"'Suh, Colonel Bunker never recedes.
" We'll, let the duel go on Goodby.
colonial.
I made up my mind" said the col
onel, that he was queer man, bHt
how queer 1 didn't reckon until we met
the next mawning. The choice of wea-
pons rested with him, and may I be
blessed, sub, if he didn't appear on ths
ground with a pitchfork in his hands
and seem to be highly interested.
L. 4014 p hof No al
could take place with such weapons.
That Colonel Bunker was a gentleman
and expected to meet gentleman
armed with q gentleman's weapon The
professor said that as he was very
busy man it must be pitchforks or moth
ing that day, and so the duel was again
put off, or, rather, left to his convent
ence. People were already laughing
over the matter. and I did not wish 10
be made ridiculous.
What did the fellow do few days
later2 Egad, sub, but you won't credit
It. He came to my hotel at 2 o'clock
in the mawning and insisted that I b.
awakened in order for him to say:
Colonel Bunker, you really must ex-
euse me, sub, but I have been expert
menting with hens toes and our duel
slipped my mind. ! have found thai
for all useful purposes a three-toed hen
is just as good as a fve-toed. Breeders
should work to reduce the extra num-
ber If you can make it convenient to
meet me at sunrise I will be on hand
I was distrustful of the man, but I
thought I would take another chance.
It would have been better to have
turned my back on him. He was on the
ground before was and what do you
think he was armed with this time
Upon my word, sub, 1t was a common
ak, such as woodchoppers use, and he
gleefully boosted that he would decapi-
tate me at the first swing. The seconds
wrestled with him, and after long ar
gument he shouldered HIS weapon and