The semi-weekly messenger. [volume] (Wilmington, N.C.) 1897-1908, 1906-02-13
TROUBLES
He Takes Them 60 n Low,er. bat Gets
Little Consolation


she'll" said the weakened man with q
funeral face, as he planked a ten dol
lar bin on the desk before the astonish-
ed lawyer. according TO the New York
Press. Il yant the value of thar in
advice. When you think I've reached
the end OF that ter ct ne know. and
II l haven't had enough I'll 20 yoa ten
more"
The lawyer smiled at the oddly OF
the proceeding. What Is the ~troubleg"
he asked.
The weakened mar sighed heavils
and slid by degrees into 4 seat by the
desk. I'm a flatter." he began.
"A-xhat?"
A flatter-one who or that which
lives in a fiat Its up Washington
Nights way. House alright. neigh
borhood good and ALL that sort OF thing
What | want 10 is this: A man -"'
What ! want TO know is this: A man
two floors above me has n parrot-not
one of the common Polly wan a
cracker variety. but a yhistling par
rot. Ever hear one? Fortunately they're
scarce, I'm told . Starts in 4 n
n on nte bellum songs. Along about
: o'clock switches 'Hiawatha' Knows
only eight bars and repeats them IN
different keys Then IL takes q fah
out OF 'Tammany' to the extent OF two
lines. Kinder caves you wondering
why he doesn'h finish. Woman of the
family aids and abets in the ofense OF
trying TO whistle the rest. SD the bird
can catch on. Ever heard a woman
whistle? If | poisoned the parrot an
individual suit for damages might re-
SIT"
THAT would apply also To a pot
shot with a noiseless rifle.
Exactly"
Well just above me is a man al
ficted with an aggravated case OF
pianitis. Sits sideways on the o and
keeps time by stamping his foot on the
floor. All the latest and most unpopu-
lar eoags are food and drink 10 him.
Must he a pious sort of a chap, 100,
for he oheys the Biblical injunction and
never let's his right hand know what
his left is playing He manages to hit
three out of five notes all right In me
treble. bit for the bass he trust 10
a kind Providence TO direct him. And
Providence doesn't seem TO be loafing
around our n~eighborhood. Now, would
II a iustifable homicide If"
Your only remedy is an appeal TO
the Board of Health If you can prove
that the music is detrimental TO your
health"
Cant even use dynamite. eh? Just O
small amount TO put the piano out cf
business"
Certainly not. You'd land In jail.
The little man sighed. Amy OF That
ten left?" he asked.
Yes" said the assumed lawyer.
well, there's the janitor. Does
his work alright, but he has one or
those tin can vaudeville shows. Stuns
a fog horn into it's thorax and starts Il
off. Doesn't seem 10 work quite right,
though. Sometimes he leads us almost
I'D to the gates of~The Holy City and
leaves us laundering there while ne
switches on Rufus Rastus,' who IS ASK
ed. with some harshness. what ne pur-
noses to do when rent day arrives. Inc
ianitor is a soulful sort of man.. When
the automatic ~saengerfest Is IN good
working order, he sits by the hour ano
listens to the plaintive notes or 'Sne'
Was Punched. but Most Unjustly,' and
1.-The Lassie with a Misfit Face" ana
seems to really enjoy them. l nave
talked the matter over with otner Ten
ants, and the consensus OF opinion
leaned toward bribery"
why not complain TO the land
1ord?"
suggested the lawyer. The little man
chuckled, He's more afraid or the Jan
itor than We are he said.
Board of Health is your only re-
course then"
mo violence of any kind permitted
eh?"
aTy-lor M circumstances
"How's that ten holding out?'
pretty near the limit" smiled the
lawyer.
well. then. here's the finish There's
q young woman mkt door with n soil
taire voice and"
What do you mean by solitaire
voice."
That's a Flatter's idiom. 1t means
she is alone in the belief that she has
a voice-we nj know of course, that
she has a voice, but It's timbre and
quality are matters for grave discus
sion. Some Of US contend that she
rad q duck for n foster mother. while
others hold To the opinion that she Is
a victim of autohypnosis. At any
rate, her low notes call up visions of
n storm ut sea with the wind moaninf
and the captain swearing. The high
notes sound exactly ike a small wag-
on rounding n corner On second
speed What can be done in such q
casef'
Move" said the lawyer.
Yes. but Flatters are ever on the
m've. They jump from the tanitriaf
frying-pan into the peace-destroying
fire. Is there no relief for them Must
they circulate continually hoping that
time and fate viii eventually See them
comfortably situated? Il there any
LANCER OF n spasmodle outbfeak--an
for breakfast every morning? Do our
laws provide-say. how's hat ten get
ting along?"
Nearly exhausted"
Well. guess I've had enough. You
see. I'm the landlord of the house and
I've beer telling YOU what the fenanfs