The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1906-10-31
THE MINNEAPOLIS JOURNAL oan !. = Il
Mrs. Per- lins an I {
Cucumber Pickles


after dinner, when she looked up
from the evening paper she was read
ing and remarked: s Ssss3
s M. Perkins, if / am to put up any:
cucumber pickle this year now is the
time to do it. There won tsbe a. Gu
cumber in market in a week more. =
Mr.. Perkins heard her,, but as he
was looking at q cow on the other
side. Of the street he made no reply.
DID you hear me, MI Perkins,
!, continued his wife. t.H we are to
we must put them up now. You always
wan to eat cucumber pickle before
beginning your dinner. Will YOU
send me up a bushel tomorrow and the
vinegar and spices9
l cant say now whether I will
or not, he slowly replied. II should
! e the evening to look up some
..,sBut what have statistics got to do
with cucumber pickles?''
!, !, Nothing d perhaps, and yet, they
you perhaps know, has ,J,been conduct
ing a series Of experiments under the
pure food law. L want to read up on
what is said about cucumber pickles.
According to various DOCTORS
don't care a fig for the doctors, y
tartly interrupted Mrs. Perkins. GIVE
have had the cucumber pickle with
us ever since Noah s; ark ceased to
float around, and it IS too late in the.
day for the doctors to find fault with.
covered that It IS responsible for avs about @
half the ailments of humanity, haven't
They'll Gy,1
NY dear woman, nothing is ever
gained by .impulsiveness, while every !
thing is gained by logic.ss In the first
place, what is the cucumber9 It is
an esculent-a sort of cross between
fruit and a vegetable. It is some
times referred to as the long green. It
grows wherever you plant it. It is 90
per cent water, 5 per cent rind and S
Of ff. collie e.. At the grocery you can buy
or hotel they charge you 80 cents
apiece and extra for the tWinges. The
only animal besides man that will eat a
cucumber IS a jackass, and he eats it
because he is laboring under the Saelu-
sion that it is bull-thistle. You find
them mostly On the tables Of the farm,
ers, ana at the same time you find a
good share OF the farmers in the grave
yard.v
.'since when did you discover all
thlsY',> asked Mrs. Perkins as he
some OF it years ago and some
only lately, T was never a friend Of
the cucumber as the. cucumber. After
ne or she has been picked and placed
on the table at my elbow I have
sometimes dallied with him or her, but
always against my better Judgment.
Let me give you a few pointers that I
have picked UP in the last few years.
have not advanced them before be-
cause the subject has not come up for
discussion $50
THE downfall Of. Rome can be
traced directly to the cucumber. Too
much water, you see.
'Greece led the, world until the Gu
cumber was introduced. Then she be.
gan to decay.
=: - Hannibal died years before his
time from eating too many. cucumber
- Cesar would have been different
man and jumped the world thousand
years ahead but for the long green. He
went looking. for cucumbers when he
!, ought TO have been attending to the
Alexander the Great met defeat
and downfall because Of cucumber collie
lie mad to pause at critical moment
4 counter-irritant. 8. -, :
= Napoleon sat on his horse at
! Wat9rAoo and ate a raw cucumber and
let the battle 20 against him. >
a. What took our own George Wash.
3 7143 off9 What killed shaksperea
what brought about the death Of John
Douglas9''
u don't believe a word you say, .
announced Mrs. Perkins as Mr.. Per.
klns came to- a stop and bent over
to scratch his ankle.
: Let us come down nearer the pres
: emit date he continued, without heed.
ing her. you must have read OF
most as prevalent as measles or chicken
pox? Why? The doctors and the med
zeal journals are asking the question
l yet the answer is plain. Too MANY
cucumbers and to many cucumber
| pickles No other cause in the world
1t s the seeds and the rind that we &C.
cldentally swallow.
But you needn' It waste your breath
}, You are simply trying to wriggle out
: Of buying cucumbers for pickles.
"My dear Mrs. Perkins, there is an
only things in this world that wrig.
= gle. I am simply bringing forward q
mass of evidence that can t be dis
? puted, preparatory to asking YOU If
the game is worth the candle. In
other words, shall we run the risk of
malaria, appendicitis and other all.
Ements pretty certain to end in death
for the sake of having cucumber pick
les on our dinner table, I can buy
one bushe Tor five, but I am looking at
. results y
You know they have never hurt
eat half a dozen pickles and half d
IS mince pie and 60 to bed and sleep like
a log. :"
Granted, my dear, but are you pre-.
pared to say that thesmince pie didn't
offset the pickles9 tt is the cucumber
and the cucumber pickle that is under
/ discussion now. The mince pie will
come later in the season I don t say
that I will not send up a bushel 81
cucumbers tomorrow. Il say that
would like the night to think the mat
ter over tssss
And in she went, and after long
five minutes Mr.. Perkins scratched The
back of his neck and said to himself
What is the use Of any man try
ing to account for "a woman IS whims?'
cleveland Plain Dealer.
E5#sa.3sG4 II
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