The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1906-09-19
PARLEY P. HAD A
GREAT BIC HUNCH
How the County Attorney Came
to Shy Castor in Con-
gressiOnal Race.
CAME TO HIM DURING
HEAVY THUNDERSTORM
Saw a Seat in Congress Fit
ting Before His Minds
Eye.


is to be enacted at the Salt Lake The
ater on Thursday" said the Wise Guy,
.' can say to the public that my man,
Farley F., is in the best possible condi-
tlon to give n perfect illustration Of q
lamb a-bein' led to the slaughter I'm
der the wise direction Of Reed Smoot
and a bunch o his jobbin' undcrlings
have worked night an day TO pre-
pare ole Farley for this burnt offerin'
Today an tomorrow will be devoted
to shakin' hands with his supposed
friends for the last time. I've called
of active trainin' an will feed the vic
tim mess or two of magpie to sort %
prepare him for the great gobs o. crow
which Reed an me is a~preparin to
push down his neck.
Wot's that word you ink singers
use when you re talkin' about lookin'
back into the paste Retrospec-some-
thin or other; spective that 's it, re-
Prospective. | was a-goin to invite
you to take one o. them retrospective
views of Farley p. s political activities
eXtendin over a period of, say six
months. All, we'll do / remember the
first intimation he give out that the
bee was a-buzzin' in his bonnet. He
tips 1t to me an Willard one stormy
night when the elements was a~raein,
an the Storm King held thunderous
sway Thanks, my grandfather was
poet. we three was a-lookin' out into
the blackness OF the night, with the
hghtnin' a-playin' an the water a.
comm down in sheets. Suddenly
Pariey p. says: Boys says he, what
does. good serviceable lightnin' rod
cost7'
What, in the name of the ancient
vikings O. Sweden, do you want of a
lightnin rod, says Willard, a-tossin' me
81 y wink as though he was about half
on TO what Farley was a-drivin' at.
Might Be Struck.
Gents, replied Farley, addressin'
both OF us, i We had hunch that ] IN
liable at any minute to be struck bv
ightnin' This self same hunch comes
from source that can not be gainsaid.
1t comes from Washington. It comes
from the United States Senate cham
ber. 1t comes from Utah s most qlor-
ious son. 1t is. a direct message from
that natural leader o. men, that states.
man an scholar, that enlightened
churchman, that index finger, l NAV
say, OF the great hierarchical hand,
=" oh, break away SAYS Willard,
cut that drivlin nonsense out. If Won
mean ole Smoot, why in thunder don Il
you say so7'
I" mean United States Senator
Reed Smoot, says Farley, not seemin'
to relish the interruption of his sub.
ordinate. THE hunch I spoke of comes
from none other. Gents, 1 can see a
minds eye. You fellers can have the
County Attorneys Office It's more
suited to your caliber, 1t s your Uncle
Farley P. to the halls o. Congress.
Gould Not Make a Dent,
IS Willard an TrioJ fha, o.l
to show Farley P, that he was crazy,
but you and all men know what q
failure we made Of it. A brick wall
wouldn t make a dent in that puy's
hide, an you couldn drive a idea
into his nut with sledge hammer. We
tried an tried to pull him off, but it
was no go. Finally he went to Wash
him all over again, 1t was sweet
music to his ear and the transportation
didn't cost him anything. There's a
story that Sutherland listened to Reed
astrlngln' him till it made him sick
and that he took Farley out in an alley
and told him, for the love of the Lord,
to get on to himself,
Hauled Back In Race,
For day or so Farley seemed to
have lucid interval The truth half
dawned upon him, He saw that Con.
a
and, not to be shut out in the cold an
left entirely jobless, he gave it out
that he was about to retire from the
big race and take a Federal position
But that didn't last long, The gang.
with Farley p. out of the race, didn't
have nothin' to laugh at nm DANCED
if they didn t haul him back in again.
Today he's a-jumpin' sideways an
don It know where he's at One minute
he thinks he's actually in the race and
the next he's a-hollerin' about what
e's a-goin to do to Joseph F., Reed
Smoot, Frank Emery an the rest o.
the bunch who has been a-deceivin' him
all along, Only an hour ago he swore
to me that when the sun rises next
Friday morning there will be no less
than half a dozen hiernrchical scalps
a-danglin at his belt. At the same
time you II see ole Farley p n-waltzin'
into that convention a-smilin an a.
hobnobbin as though he had a chance,
when every ten-year-old kid in the
State knows the slate has been fixed
for weeks,
Just to String Farley,
"It looks as though the holdin' of
convention by these Republicans was