The Crittenden record. [volume] (Marion, Ky.) 1904-1907, 1906-09-14
BITS OF ByPLAY.

Another stingy bachelor has bobbed
up. A cemetery lot was offered him
at half price, but he refused Il saying
he did not know but what he might
die at sea.
There is a certain bright young man
Of Marion who ought to be named
"Pepsin. His bright remarks at the
table promote levity which induces a
convulsive side tapping which in turn
promotes digestion
go
The certain bright 'pepsinic" young
man Of whom we have spoken before
gave forth the other day a peptinoid-
al dissertation winding up with the
assertion that he sweat when he
worked and pulled when he paid.
go
Bob Haynes IL kicking!
He says that twenty years ago ne
looked forward to thus time and made
his calculations that he would retire.
but all to no purpose for in the place
OF retiring he just got tired
90
Howard Mcconnell Is most tickled 10
death over the new baby At his house.
lie remarked the other day to one Of
his best friends that il was as cute as
il could be and he would not take q
quarter for it.
90
Neither a borrower nor lender
be. " Shakespeare.
/ We loaned our saddle about a month
ago. We nave seen neither hide. hair,
stirrup nor girth since. EneounterinP
the young man on the highway we sale
where is our saddle" With the in
jured air Of child with is feeling,
hurt, he.replied.
"You don need il do you?
90
Not long ago a lady stated To one Of
the luminarics that guides the destin
les Of this molder Of thought that:
Your paper Is much better. Il
seems TO me il is quite an improvement
over what il was a year OF so ago II
fact II has improved so that borrow
II 10 read"
Now IL that is not an unfortunat,
condition Of affairs for q one-hors,
newspaper to be in We miss our guess
So unfortunate as To wonderful,
strike dividing media by which il,
readers condemning with faint prais,
decide that the paper is gooC
enough to borrow but not good enough
to buy. In the midst Of these perplex
ing, conflicting and unusual condition,
is Il any wonder that hair deserts edit
orial domes Of thought.
We will try from now on TO not onl,
make the RECORD buckle and tongu,
meet but to hist her up notch or tw,
and see Il Il Is possible To get that gooC
sister on the subscription list.
go
Elijah Mccain lazily snoozed on III,
top Of three empty beer cases in Ii,
rear ward Of Main street. lie leane,
complacently back against six empt,
beer cases and day dreamed Of IN,
good stuff all nine had contained Tn,
summer sun shone straight down an,
the summer heat danced before hi
eyes Elijah could almost see IN,
yellow sparkling fluid as il moved Il
self Alright at an angle Of about 3
degrees and OH blssl his dullcd ear
could almost hear the pleasant gurgle
gurgle- as cool beer out Of COO
wet bottle gently slid into hot receipt
aele. These pleasant and other pleas
ant reflections engrossed his mind
The day was propitious. The hou
was proper. The heat could not re
through hat and other brain protect
ion. All was serene. Elijah rouse,
some flies as well as himself, gent,
sat up and took notice. There was
dry cotton taste In his mouth and a
Inviting interior but few feet away
e moved slowly of the boxes whe
Of sudden a man with a blacl
IT shouted, what you got to d
h thisl" Elijah was absolutel
d Il tain that he had absolutely nothinl
= io with Il so he said. "For III