Lincoln County leader. [volume] (Toledo, Lincoln County, Or.) 1893-1987, 1906-05-25
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mdy-ls ne man you can trustl
Bess-Oh, yes. Papa says he owes
everybody.-Judge.
Ostend-Say, pa, how do they raise
political plums?" Pa-By grating,
my son.-Chicago Daily News.
Church-What is your lunch hourP
iotham-Between twelve o'clock and
i've minutes later.-Yonkers States
man.
Heast-Did he fail to make a sue
cess Of business? Crimsonbeak-Ye
| believe that is why he failed.-Yonk.
Nell-Old Mr. Gotrox says he would
die for me. Belle-Be careful. He
may be stronger than he looks.-Phila-
delphia Record
DE man dat thinks he knows 1t ALL"
said Uncle Eben, 'glnerally turns out
to be victim Of misplaced confidence"
Washington Star.
First Vermlform Appendix-People
are trying to get rid ofNus Second
Vermiform Appendix-Yes ; but we are
still in the majority, Exchange
Kind Friend-Pardon me, but I
ought to tell you that Jones has run
away with your wife, Husband
(bored) But why run?-Punch.
Bella-So she's engaged at last She
seems likely to beat us all in the mat
rlmonial race. Stella Yes; she is on
her last lap this tlme.-Illustra
Bits.
Kate-Millie says Jack tried to kiss
her and she called him down hard!
DO you believe it? Toni believe that
he tried to kiss her, yes Detroit Free
Press.
Peppery-You don't mean to say
th4 you absolutely do nothing? Cholly
Wv, don't even do that. My man
attends to ev'wythlng, you know
Philadelphia Press.
Pat-This is a great country, Mary
Ann. Mary Ann-How's that? Pat
Shure tn pa-apers sez yez can buy
foive-dollar money order for three
cints'-Washlngton Life.
Waiter-How did you order your
beef, sir? Grufleigh con-
found you l suppose l ought to have
ordered it by mail two weeks in ad-
vance.-Cleveland Plain Dealer.
Customer Gin restaurant) Waiter,
wish you would bring me n medium
done porterhouse steak smothered in
mushrooms. Waiter (to cook Choke
one with the toadstools milwaukee,
| Sentinel.
1.-The rolling stone gathers no
; moss,'" quoted the man who had never
been outside his home county. True"
rejoined the globe trotter, "but 1t ac-
qulres an enviabe polish. Chicago
Daily News.
you say that public official had
nothing to say?' said the editor. "Yes,"
answered the self-confdent reporter;
but he talked three-quarters of an
hour before l discovered it."-Wash
ington Star.
Brown claims to have the most re-
markable auto in town." "Why so? I
don't see anything great about it,
WELL he says he's had it IA year, and
there are still two Of the original
parts left."-Judge.
The Lawyer-By the way, what
shall we charge jerks for our services
in that case we won for him? About
thirty thousand? His Partner-Great
Scott, man! Isn't he worth more than
that brooklyn Life.
Gentleman With Grievance-Thls
auto breaks down every ten minutes.
Conscientious Dealer-What of 1t?
Gentleman With Grievance-You said
there were none better! Conscientious
Dealer-There ain't!-Puck.
"Oh, Johnny" said the Sunday
school teacher, 'you mustn't take
money from the plate. Why did you
try to do such thingW II thought
you said 1t was fer the heather, and
nav says I'm one.-Exchange.
"Woodby declares his grandfather
descended from one of the greatest
houses In England" "Ah, yes | did
hear a story about the old man fall
ing off roof he was repairing once
for Lord Somebody or other. r."-Phila-
delphia Ledger.
Farmer Green-Say, NeighbOr Jones
raised such big pumpkin that he cut
1t In half and made two cradles out
of 1t for his twins. City Boarder-
1natS nOtnlllB. DOWH III tHe CITY VIZ
often have three cops asleep on
single beat.-Exchange.
"I suppose you will marry when you
grow up" said the visitor pleasantly.
mo" replied the thoughtful little girl,
mamma says papa Is more care than
the children, so guess the care Of my
children will be enough for me without
the care of husband. d."-Chicago
Evening Post
Patience-You're quite lame to-dayl
Patrice-Yes. VIII stood on my foot
for two minutes last night. Patience
And you allowed it? Patrlce-I didn't
know it. Patience-Dldn't know he
was standing on your foot? Patrlce-
No, l didn't lie was proposing at the
time.-Yonkers Statesman.