Milford chronicle., 1906-03-16
UNCLE REUBEN'S LETTER.
Washington, D. c.

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Copy,eright 1906 By WTgiam T. Ireland.
Dear friends: It beats all how many
army officers it takes to run things down
here when they haint no war. You can't
hardly step out doors without runnin up
agin a general or somethin' not sayin'
nothin' about the privates, becawz no
BODY says nothin' about him 'ceptin'
mebby to give him a swift kick fer bein'
around. The officer has a snifty contempt
for the private. The private has to stand
at attenshun an saloot the officer, but the
officer don't need to saloot back. He kin
look clear thru private an beyant.
They is some very brave officers here
that have soft jobs in the war department
that wouldn't think w goin' out to fight /;
that would be horrid, don't you know.
What stumps me is that these desk war
riors git the most promotions. They got
a political drag some'rs. General Leonard
Wood started in at a hoss doctor, er some
thing and got to be a major general while
others waited. Ifyou could see General
Wood you'd wonder why. In the army,
Everybody works but colonel, "er major
Gle sets around all day." etc.
Sometimes 1 wisht they'd start some
thing in China, er some other sea port,
an all these gold laced patriots that hang
around Washington would be obliged to
hike out.
When Moody wuz secretary in the navy
be give out order that all these pretty
boys in that branch in the service would
laf to do sea dooty six months in the
year an he purtnigh got mobbed All
he society women in town turned up
here noses at Moody, an he became very |
moody They wouldn't speak to him, so
hey wouldn't, the horrid man, an these
''sea dogs" inplored him with
ears in their eyes not to thrust them out
IN the crooel, crooel waves, so far, far
way frum the public crib. Why dern it
hey might git sea sick an that would be
wful, Washington society wuz terribly
pposed to it, an Mister Moody had to
enig. The dood sailors stayed on an on,
n society began to show its dimples to
he luckless secretary again.
Theys lots Nv things goin' on here that
feller dassent mention, concernin' the
rmy an navy but if yer uncle ever gifts
lad enough he'll tell it on 'em.
I've another letter frum Hiram. He's
he doggondest most unsatisfed citizen
q the county, it pears to me. Here is
That he says
Dear Ruebl I take pleasure in seatin'
lyself to let you know we amt as well
S common, Henry is down with the
measles an I've got all the chores to do,
ary's husband come home frum town
nth too many sperits inside him an fell
nd broke his leg. Sary takes on a good
el about it which worries mother.
But what want to asst ye wuz about
hat rate bill. A feller down to the store
Did me that Tillman wuz eniipeerin' the
hing now. Haint this the same feller
nat stabbed three er four senators a spell
ack an caused a hullabaloo onto the floor
v the Senate chamber an carries knife
! his bootleg? 1 understand down in
outh Caraliny where he comes frum they
ouldn't know a rate skedule from a CEN ,
Is report on the Gypsy BrOwn-Tailed [
10th.
But that aint neither here nor there
illman seems to be a purity lively citizen '
D if they amt got sand enough to put it
trough therselves, why let Tillman work
it. That seems to be the opinion Nv
adm citizens in this township.
I hope you air enjoyin' yerself down
lere amung the big bugs but don't fer
t what a hard row we got to hoe here,
l'how hard times is in the neighborhood.
No more at present, your old friend,
Hiram Whatnot.
Hiram is a purity good feller but he has
curious way Nv lookin' at things, an has
awful mean disposition. Yours truly,
Reuben Hardscrsbble.