The new age. [volume] (Portland, Or.) 1896-1905, 1906-08-04
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does she talk about? Mrs. Booker
Bridge and Bridget-Harper's Bazaar.
There's Madeline. She's beginning
to show her age. isn't she2 "You mean
she's beginning to hide lt"-Harper's
Bazaar.
Tommy-Papa, what is consulting
physician? Papa-He Is a doctor who
Is called In at the last moment to share
the blame.-Life.
"Funniman has a dry sort Of humor."
eyes, his jokes are enough to drive one
to drink, If that's what you mean
Town and Country.
Pupil-Do you believe In spelling re-
form? Teacher-In your case do.
About every other one Of your words Is
spelled wrong.-Detrolt Free Press.
How fur Is 1t ter de land er Con-
tentT Its 'cordin' ter how much
faith you got Eff you think you In it,
dar you is En- eff you don't-well, it's
ten mile furder on."-Atlanta Consti-
tuition.
do you thin. Miss Jones and Mr..
Brown will marryf" NO; they've had
a falling out" How did it happen?"
''They met one day when each was
looking the other up In Bradstreet's."
Detroit Free Press.
You haven't made any speeches
lately" NO" answered Senator Sor-
ghum. ITS more work than 1t used to
be to make a speech. The public Is
getting so that it takes an orator seri-
ously."- Washington Star.
Oldboy-I was run down by an auto
mobile the other day. De Young Were
you hurt? Oldboy-Not until fool
bystander remarked that 1t was a
shame to see an old man bowled over
like that.-ChicagO Daily News.
Pointing to her sons, Cornelia had
Just exclaimed, These are my jewels !"
Then" replied the heartless Janitor,
you'll have to keep them In the safe.
As children, they amt allowed in this
apartment house. Harper's Bazaar.
Young Husband-Its very pretty, but
don't you think it was extravagant to
spend $28 on ring? Young Wife
But you see, darling, had already saw
ed the $28 by getting a gown that was
reduced from $S8 to $60.-Brooklyn
Life.
do you take any interest in rare
and beautiful booksW NO" answered
Mr.. Cumrox; II used to; but now If
you subscribe to an expensive publica-
ton people think you did it to keep
something out of print. Washington
Star.
Hicks-How do you happen to be
going fishing on Friday? thought
you believed Friday was an unlucky
day. Wicks-Well, always have. But
it occurred on me this morning that
perhaps 1t would be unlucky for the
fsh.-Somerville Journal.
"You will understand, sir" DR.. Price
Price began, that l cannot undertake
to cure your case without diagnosis"
That's all right" interrupted Nuritch,
haughtlly, II s'pose that's the medical
word for fee in advance Name yer
hgger "-Phlladelphia Press.
What we want" said the reformer,
as a system by which the Office seeks
the man" We've got it right here In
Crimson Gulch," answered Piute Pete.
THE whole sheriffs Office was out last
night huntin' the Teller that got the
wrong boss. "-Washington Star.
rs DR.. Blank a homeopathist" was
asked Of the porter who answered the
ring of the door-bell. Hesitating for a
moment, his African features lighting
up, the porter replied: mo, sab; no,
sab. DIR. Blank goes out an treats
patients right along, sab. "-Ex.
Terrence Mccarthy, do you swear
that you know the applicant, Michael
Murphy, who has made application for
an increase Of pension?" You may
we'll say that l do" said Terrence
me and him were shot in the same
, leg at Antietam. Boston Herald.
. $50 the milllonaires gave mask
} ball? Was 1t success?" mo, but
IL would have been success save fol
, Percy Lavender" What did he dor
"Why, he went disguised as process
server, and all the mlllionaires jumped
out of the windows. Chicago Daily
, News.
q A Chicago mother was trying to gel
her little boy to go to bed. Run along
! Johnny" she said, land get into your
! bed. The little chickens have all gone
to bed" Yes, mother, | know" said
the little tot, with quivering lip; but
the old hen went to bed with en-
! Judge.
: Old Woman (awaiting magistrate't
signature to her declaration that she
has lost a pawn tlcket)-An awkward
thing. yer honor, to lose a pawn ticket
Police perintendent-Sh-h-h! Ole
Woman Cnot to be suppressed -Ahem
It's an awkward thing. yer honor, tt
lose a pawn ticket. Magistrate-My
good woman, l never lost one. Ole
Woman-Ah Sure, yer honor, some
people are very careful-Punch.
The department store salesman haC
taken twenty-nine rolls of dress goods
So +ha ShaIf and waS a trifa imna