The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-09-27
LNYHA WKER .JOTy

The weather is so fine in Kansas now
that the Salina Journal Is advocating
advertising it in California and run
ming excursions from there here.
The Lucas Sentinel tells this Joke:
The Lucas Sentinel thinks this IS
joke: The train dispatcher played.
little joke Sunday night. He had the
excursion train stop at Bunker Hill
for the flyer to pass and then had the
flyer stop at Balta for the excursion
to pass. After each had waited an
hour and a half for the other to ap-
pear (there being no night operator
at either place. the Russell operator
went to Balta through the rain and
had the train there go on to Bunker
Hill and pass the other
An Emporia reporter recently wrote
an item stating that if a person holds
his breath while a bee or hornet is on
them the insect will not hurt IN the
least r. d. Goodwin, a Lyon county
farmer, read the item and then tired
the experiment with fretful looking
honey bee. He was in town yester-
day." says the Gazette. buying box
Of candy and some arsenic which he is
going to mix and send to the man that
wrote the article" Mr.. Goodwin 8
trouble probably was that he did not
hold his breath long enough
Somebody springs this collection Of
gems through the medium of the OF
Java Herald 1.-The rose that smells
the sweetest is the first to fade. The
boy who runs the fastest is the one to
soonest Jade. The brightest of the
evenings has the gloomiest dawns- The
man who buys the biggest yards must
cut the biggest lawns. The apple that
is biggest has the latest worm of all.
The fellow who gets on In life IS sure
to have a fall. The soup that looks
the clearest is the first to show the
flies. The fellow who would sells the
goods must pay to advertise. The hen
that lays the largest egg will be the
first to set, and things we always han
ker for are last of all we get The sim
plest way is always best and yet we
pass it by, to dabbIe with the unseled
things that fool and catch the eye
Tale by the Minneapolis Better Way:
The truthful Texan told the editor a
story of his big fat uncle the other
day and as It illustrates q common
human weakness we give It. Said he;
Way back befo' the sto'm the was 4
kind of malady in this country that
got hol' on a good many people.
They'd swell UP an If they could not
git relief they'd smothah an one or
two of en- busted. Well, one night l
was a stayin' all night with my uncle
an as there was lots O company, me
an uncle was appointed to sleep in the
same room. Well, sab. we'd ben a
taIlxin' about the swellin' sickness an
uncle he said the trouble was that
people got eXc1IeQs Sdlu ne WOutQ Dc
as cool as a fish If he got it Uncle
always got I'D befo' day. an so says
to myself. we'll see how 1t works, go
after he got asleep I took my pants an
put EN- where his was an took his
away. I wore 80 waist an he wore A
Well, when four o'clock came 1 heahed
uncle roll out O the bed. Next min
ute I heahed a swar word an mex 8
skeered yell What's the match
uncle ?" says 1. Run fob the doctahl
| Run fob the doctah." says he. Eve
got it. I've got it. I'm swelled fit to
/ bust.7 Well sab. when I lighted the
lamp. there stood my big fat uncle as
white as a ghos a holdin' onto the
waist band of my trousahs an a tryin
to git his big fat legs through EN-. L
was the mos comicallist sight I evaf
see sab. an'=he was jes' ravin' mao
when I asked him what he's skeere6
of. AS long as the oil man lived nc
body dared to say swelled fit to bust t.
him, an he nevah more said anything
about people gittin' excited. It cured
him"