Perth Amboy evening news., 1906-11-16
FLEABoToMY.
wise Men Can't Kill. MIN Any
tOuicker Than Foolish.

ical philosophy used on Heds' hleS
and mosuuitoesc we should be more
comfortable if less learned. How
often do we see a man reading John
Stuart Mill, or some other such au-
thor, n hand turning the pages
while the other is reaching for a fieag
Professor Smith is too busy settling
the number of flaps of a mosquito s
wings a second to discover a cure for
the tapping. Professor Won Bugg'
house wastes a lifetime trying to set
tie the true position of ertain bee
tie in the genus coleoptera. Protes-
sor Jones makes a study OF mousse
flies instead of %inventing some cure
for them. Then Professor brown
makes a specially of the flea, Whlle
the object of his solicitude is making
a speciality of us. He gives MN d
Latin title, as if English didn't AZ
ford a strong enough vocabulary lor
the man who is bitten. Now COMES
Professor Ainsworth with his nom
sensical ''feaoscope," which lnstru-
ment he claims is so great a maSnlheI
of sound that when the flea Is pun
in the receiver and whipped Win 4
straw he can be heard to squeal ike
a diminutive pig.
All of this is very comforting 10
the man the flea is biting. What III
conscience's sake do we care ABOUT
the flea's vocal gifts? Is there any
thing particularly edifying IN tne
knowledge that the parasitical gym
mast sings tenor instead OF PASS
Fancy a scientist of Professor AIMS
worth's erudition and dignity con-
Quoting a neaolion orchestra? Does
the learned gentleman aspire TO the
title of an insectiferous Sousa! FRO
fessor Ainsworth with a gravity NJ
ting his subject declares tnat hed
powder is a delusion and a snare, lor'
when he administered buhach to d.
flea in the fieaoscope, the animal was
distinctly heard to sneeze. He dldh I
say whether or not the patient used
a pocket handkerchief, but at any
rate the sneeze cleared the olfactory
glands and saved the fiea's life. AS
this is our flea season it is perhaps
meet and proper that we should DIS
cuss this pest, both giving and ask
ing for suggestions.
I regret that SO much time mas
been wasted on the matter OF classl-
fication; we are not in any pressing
need of a flea pedigree, as we fur
nish him one when he bites us. me
California flea, in my judgment, Is
the worst of all. He possesses the
exploring proclivity of DR.. Living
stone and the persistency of Abe
Ruef. | could stand him if he were
less of a prospector, if he would sink
his shaft and finish; but he is too
tentative in his work. He roams
around over the human territory
looking for a soft place like Wal
ter Scott in Death Valley. You back
up against the door jamb and press
until you nave exercised enough pow
err to fiatten a billiard ball; he be-
comes quiet and you pronounce his
obituary. But he isn't dead. After
YOU begin to work he starts again
till you think there is a t~wenty-mule
team roaming over your system.
Then you undress and, of course, find
nothing.
His bite affects different people diff
f~erently. Some skins assume an
erubescent tint, others grow undu-
latory and have ridges like little ter
minal moraines left by a prehistoric
glacier, while some are literally pois-
oned. Some people are not bitten
at all and a Socialist lecturer assures
me that when a flea harpoons his
epidermis it rolls off dead. Th1s
statement seems strange till you
think the matter over, but on the
whole you. can't blame the flea. But
it strikes me some folks select a ques-
tionable style of suicide.
In my opinion flea powder is use
less and no flea, unless he is an cpl
cure or reads the label, can tell flea
powder from gunpowder. Sometimes
the flea after eating it seems to lapse
into a sort of coma, but he always
awakes refreshed by the dose. From
what | can see, it isn't really coma
but a kind of after dinner nap super
induced by eating too much of the
powder. One remedy appeals to me.
Take a sheet of fly paper and put 4 /
piece of raw beef upon it. The meat
attracts the flea, which hops on the
paper. The rest is dead easy. | am
told that some time ago this was
tried at the democratic headquarters,
and as the ieas stuck on the paper,
hopping in concert, the whole sheet
hoped out of the room. AS one who
was raised a democrat / pronounce
this a falsehood. In the first place,
who ever saw so much concert in the
democratic party? The next thing
somebody will say that a flock of flies
flew off with a sheet of fly paper. An
other plan submitted to me seems
specious, but not feasible. 1t Is to
fill a basin with water and put a
candle in the middle of the
This might do to catch flying
fish, but | must repudiate it as a flea
decimator. l have been told that in
Sacramento during flea season you