, 1906-02-14
QUIET LITTLE WEDDING
WITHOUT ANY FRlLLS
tBy Bill Nye.)

duced rates.
1 remember one transformations little
wedding which took place at he gen
eral headquarters Of municipal juris-
prudence, over which l preside, and
during the earlier history of my reign.
1t was a success in a small way.
l had just moved into the Office, and
had been engaged that morning in put
ting up a stove. The stove had seemed
reluctant, and as my assistant was so
Iciably drunk, | had not succeeded very
well.
The pipe didn't seem to be harmo-
NOUS, n the effort to bring about a
union between the discordant elements,
had mt, up the time f which speak
produced any very gratifying results.
| had reached down into the elbow of
the pipe several times, to see how it
felt down there, and after satisfying
my morbid curiosity in that respect, |
had yielded to a wild and uncontroila-
BILE desire to scratch my nose with the
same hand.
This had given me an air of intense
sadness, n Opaque gloom.
| stood on the top of a ~step-ladder
trying to make the end of a six-inch
joint of pipe go into the end of a FIVE
inch joint, when the groom entered. He
wanted to know if he could see the
general manager, and | told him he
could if he had a piece of smoked glass,
and a IS promissory note executed by
old man Spinner.
Then he told me how he was fixed.
He desired a small package of connu-
bal bliss, and without delay.
The necessary prellminaries were ar
ranged; the groom made an extempore
effort to spit in the mosaic cuspidore,
but was only partially successful, put
on his hat and went out in search of
Juliet.
She was very unique in her style,
and entirely free from any effort to APP
pear to the best advantage.
She wore her hair plain, a la Sitting
Bull. 1t had been banged, but not with
any great degree of system or accuracy.
Probably it had been lone with the
pinking-iron or a pair of i%ce-tongs by
an amateur bangor.
She looked some like Mrs. Bender,
only younger and more queenly, per-
haps.
She swept into the arena with the
symmetrical movement and careless
grace of a hired man-only her steps
We're longer and less methodical.
Both bride and groom had come
through with a band of emigrants from
Kansas, and, therefore, they were out
of swallow-tail coats and orange bios
SONS.
There was no airy tulle and SHIN
mering satin, or broad-cloth and spike
tail coat in the procession; at least
there was one visible to the court.
The groom was bronzed and bearded
like a pard, whatever that is, and wore
a pair of b~rown-ducK o~veralis, caught
pack with copper riyets and held il
place by a lonely suspender. He also
wore a hickory shirt with stripes run
ming vertically. His hair looked like
FURNISHED gold, only he hadn't FURNISH
ed it much since he left Kansas.
The entire emigrant train dropped in
n by one to witness the ceremony,
and Csamol in,praceol u,itL H. o,,o
shadowing and awe-inspiring nature of
the surroundings.
One by one they filed in, and, making
their little contributions 10 the mosaic
cuspidore, they leaned themselves up
against the wall and rappe them
selves in thought.
l bandaged my finger, which | had
skinned some in putting the stove to-
sether, wiped off what SCOT and ashes
| had about my person and thought l
would not need, and boldly solidifed
these two young hearts.
The ceremony was not very impress
sive, but it did the required amount of
damage. That was all that was neces
sary.
The applicants seemed to miss the
wedding-march and some other little
preparatory arrangements, which
had overlooked, but l ~apologized to
them afterward, and told them that
when times picked up a little, and |
got established, and the new fee-bill
went into operation, | would attend to
these things.
The wedding presents were not mum
erous, but they were useful, and show
ed the good sense of the donors.
The brides mother gave her one of
the s~plint-bottom chairs that one al
ways sees tied-to the real of every we'll
regulated emigrant wagon, and her
father gave her a cream-colored dog,
with one eye knocked out.
With his overlooking wealth of Tea
bitten dogs, he might have done much
better by her than he did, but he said
he would wait a few years and if she
were poor enough to need more dogs,
he would not be parsimonious.
The young couple went up on Coyote
creek and ven to housekeeping, and
Vparc have uopn h.. cino. NTH. --l