davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The herald-advance. (Milbank, S.D.) 1890-1922, 1906-05-25
NE WENT ON CRUTCHEs
Al Medicines Failed Until Or. VIII.
liams' Pink Pills Cured Ais
AhAnnaafian4

"Some years ago." says Mr.. w. n.
Clark, a printer, living at 612 Buchanan
street, Topeka, Kans., II had bad at.
tack OF rheumatism and could not seem
to get over it. All sorts Of medicines
failed to do me any good and my trouble
kept getting worse. My feet were SO
swollen that could not wear shoes and
/ had to go Oh crutches. The pain was
terrible.
"One day was setting the type Of an
article for the paper telling what DIR.
Williams Pink Pills had done for man
afflicted as was and l was so impressed
with it that determined to give the
medicine trial. For a year my rheu.
matism had been growing worse, but
after taking DR.. Williams Pink Pills
began to improve. The pain and swell.
ing all disappeared and can truthfully
say that haven t felt better in the past
twenty years than l do right now.
could name, off hand, a half dozen peo-
pie who have used DR.. Williams Pink
Pills at my suggestion and who have re.
ceiyed good res, Its from them"
DIR. Williams Pink Pills are guaran.
teed to be safe and harmless to the most
delicate constitution. They contain no
morphine, opiate, narcotic, nor any.
thing to cause drug habit. They do not
act on the bowels but they actually make
new blood and strengthen the nerves.
DR.. Williams Pink Pills cure rheuma.
tism because they make rich, red blood
and no man or woman can have healthy
blood and rheumatism at the same time.
They have also cured many cases Of
anamia, neuralgia, sciatica, partial pa
ralysis, locomotor ataxia and other dis.
eases that have not yielded to ordinary
treatment.
All druggists sell DR.. Williams Pink
Pills or they will be sent by mail, post.
paid, on receipt of price, 90 cents per
box, six boxes for So so, by the DR.. Will.
liams Medicine Co., Schenectady, n. Y.
The herald-advance. (Milbank, S.D.) 1890-1922, 1906-05-25
Lively Australian Weekiies.

The little weeklies of the towns Of
Australia are livelier and more abusive
OF each other than the "Kickers" and
"Iconoclasts'' of American frontier
towns The editor sof these rival
Journals must possess peculiar quail
ification-the ability to slang" the op-
position paper and all connected with
it. Township folks look to the rival
editors to dissipate the local dullness
and provide weekly feast Of fun and
billingsgate, and the proprietors of the
papers insist on having editors capa-
BILE Of satisfying popular expectations.
The herald-advance. (Milbank, S.D.) 1890-1922, 1906-05-25
TOO MUCH FOR HIM.

The proprietor of tan yard built q
stand on one of the main streets OF q
Virginia town for the purpose OF sell
Ing leather and buying new hides.
When he had completed the building
he considered for long time what
sort of sign to put up to attract atten.
tion to the new establishment. Fl
nally happy thought struck him. He
bored an augur hole through the door
post and stuck calf's tail into it with
the tufted end outside.
After awhile he saw a solemn-faced
man standing near the door looking at
the sign, his eyes in a round, medita-
tive stare behind his spectacles. The
tanner watched him a minute, then
stepped out and addressed him.
Good morning, sir !" he said.
Morning." said the other, without
taking his eyes off the sign.
Want to buy leather?" asked the
tanner.
mo"
Got any hides to sell?'
mo"
"Are you a farmer?"
NO"
"Merchant?"
"No."
Lawyer"
mo"
Hnoo+orcO
The herald-advance. (Milbank, S.D.) 1890-1922, 1906-05-25
MILES NOT ALL THE SAME.

They Differ In Length in Various Coun.
tries and bv Land and Sea.
English-speaking countries have four
different miles-the ordinary mile of
$3.50 feet and the geographical or nau-
tical mile of 6,035, making a difference
of about one-seventn between the two;
then there is the Scotch mile of 1928
feet, and the Irish mile of 6,72O feet;
four various miles, every one Of which
is still in use. Then almost every
country has it's own standard mile.
The Romans have their mil passnum.
1000 PAGES, which must have been
about 5000 feet in length, unless we
ascribe to Caesars legionaries great
stepping capacity. The German mil,
of today is 24,31S feet in length, more
than four and a half times as long az
our mile. The Dutcn, the Danes and
the Prussians enjoy mile that is 49,
440 feet long, three and one-half times
the length of ours; and the Swiss get
more exercise in walking their mile
than we get in walking five miles, for
their mile is 9153 yards long, while
our is only 1,760 yards. The Italian
mile is only few feet longer than
ours, the Roman mile is shorter, while
the Tuscan and the Turkish miles are
$50 yards longer. The Swedish mile is
7,341 yards long, and the Vienna post
mile is S,796 yards in length So here
is a list of twelve different miles, and
besides this there are other measures
Of distance. not counting the French
kilometer. which is rather less than
two-thirds of mile. The Brazialans
have milia that is one and one-fourth
times as long as our mile; the Neapo-
Titan miglio is about the same length;
the Japanese ri. or mile, Is two and
one-half times ours; the Russian verst
is five-eighths as long as our mile,
while the Persian standard IS fesakh.
four and half miles long, which Is
said to be equal to the paransang, so
familiar to the readers Of Xenophon's
Anabasis. The distance indicated by
the league also varies in different coun-
tries.-Ledger Monthly.
The herald-advance. (Milbank, S.D.) 1890-1922, 1906-05-25
Always Ready.

The Ameer Of Afghanistan Is said ia
have made the following statement:
II am always ready as soldier on
the march to a battle, in such a man
ner that could start without any de-
lay in case of emergency. The pockets
of my coats and trousers are always
filed with loaded revolvers and one or
two soaves of bread for one days food;
this bread is changed every day. Sew
eral guns and swords are always lying
by the side of my bed or the chair
on which / am seated within reach
Of my hand, and saddled horses are
always kept ready In front Of my Of
fee, not only tor myself, but for all
my courtiers ana personal attendants.
at the door OF my durbar room. /
have also ordered that a considerable
number OF gold coins should be sewn
into the saddles OF my horses when
required for a journey, and on both
sides Of the saddles are two revolvers.
l think 1t Is necessary In such q war
like country that the sovereign. and
especially sovereign who Is Z sole
der himself. should always be % pre-
pared for emergencies as q soldier on
the field Of battle. Though my country
IL perhaps more peaceful and safe now
than many other countries, still one
can never be too cautious and too ven
prepared. Family Herald.
The herald-advance. (Milbank, S.D.) 1890-1922, 1906-05-25
TRY THIS ON YOUR PUMPS.
Bunion Plaster viii Prevent That Tn.
pleasant SIippinu

A smart, up-to-date young woman
asked the drug clerk for box of bun
ion plasters. 1t caused one to look
with curiosity at her feet. They were
straight and slim in the smartest OF
ties
"That is a new trick" the drug clerk
explained when she had taken her un-
embarrassed way to the street. "A
ready-made tie or one of those new
low pumps is likely to slip up and
down at the heel, or bind the ankle, so
that it chafes either way. Some lady
genius stuc ka bunion plaster in the
back of her shoe and the trouble was
all over"
The herald-advance. (Milbank, S.D.) 1890-1922, 1906-05-25
THE POINT OF THE PROVERB.

An old proverb advises the shoe
maker to stick to his last. 1t means
that man always succeeds best at
the business he knows. To the farmer
it means, stick to your plow; to the
blacksmith, stick to your forge; to
the painter, stick to your brush
When we make experiments out of our
line they are likely to prove expen.
sive failures.
1t is amusing, however, to remark
how every one of us secretly thinks
he could do some other fellows work
better than the other fellow himself.
The painter imagines he can make
paint better than the paint manufac-
turer; the farmer thinks he can do
a job of painting better, or at least
cheaper than the painter, and SO on.
A farm hand in one of Octave
Thanets stories tells the Walking
Delegate of the Painters Union, ANY
body can slather paint" and the old
line painter tells the paint salesman,
None of your ready made mixtures
for me; l reckon l ought to know
how to mix paint"
The farm hand is wrong and the
painter is wrong: Shoemaker, stick
to your last" The fancy farmer"
can farm, of course, but it is an ex-
pensiye amusement. If it strikes him
as pleasant to grow strawberries at
fifty cents apiece, or to produce eggs
that cost him five dollars dozen, 1t
is a form Of amusement, to be sure,
il he can afford it, but it's not farm
ing. II the farmer likes to slosh
around with a paint brush and can at
ford the time and the expense OF hav-
ing a practical painter do the job
right pretty soon afterward, it's a
harmless form of amusement. II the
painters customers can afford to
stand for paint that comes off in hall
the time it should, they have perfect
right to indulge his harmless vanity
about his skill in paint making. But
in none of these cases does the shoe
maker stick to his last.
There is just one class OF men in
the world that knows how to make
paint properly and have the facilities
for doing it right; and that Is the
paint manufacturers-the makers OF
the standard brands OF ready prepared
paints. The painter mikes paints;
the paint manufacturer grinds them
together. In a good ready prepared
paint every article OF one kind OF
pigment is forced to join hands with
a particle of another kind and every
bit of solid matter is forced, as 1t
were, to open its mouth and drink In
its share Of linseed OIL That is the
only way good paint can be made, and
IL the painter knew how to do 1t he
has nothing at hand to do 1t with. A
paint pot and paddle are poor
substitute for power mixers, buhr-mills
and roller-mills.
The man who owns building and
neglects to paint it as often as 1t
needs paint Is only degree more
short-sighted than the one who tries
to do his own painting or allows the
painter to mix his paint for him.
p. G.
The herald-advance. (Milbank, S.D.) 1890-1922, 1906-05-25
BREAD DYSPEPSIA,
The Digesting Element Left Ou

The DiDesting Element Left Out.
Bread dyspepsia is common. 1t at.
fects the bowels because white bread
is nearly all starch, and starch is di.
gested In the intestines, not in tho
stomach proper.
Up under the shell of the wheat
berry nature has provided a curious
deposit which is turned into diastase
when 1t is subjected to the saliva and
to the pancreatic juices in the human
intestines.
This diastase Is absolutely necessary
to digest starch and turn it into grape
sugar, which is the next form; but that
part OF the wheat berry makes dark
-four, and the modern miller cannot
readily sell dark flour, so natures val
liable digester is thrown out and the
human system must handle the starch
as best it can, without the help that
nature intended.
Small wonder that appendicitis, per.
itonitis, constipation and all sorts OF
trouble exist when we go so contrary
to natures law. The food experts that
perfected Grape-Nuts Food, knowing
these facts, made use in their expert.
ments of the entire wheat and barley.
including all the parts, and subjected
them to moisture and long continued
warmth, which allows time and the
proper conditions for developing the
diastase, outside of the human body.
In this way the starchy part is trans
formed into grape sugar in a perfect
ly natural manner, without the use OF
chemicals or any outside ingredients.
The little sparkling crystals Of grape
sugar can be seen on the pieces OF
Grape-Nuts. This food therefore is
naturally pre-digested and its use in
place Of bread will quickly correct the
troubles that have been brought about
by the too free use Of starch In the
food, and that IL very common in the
human race to-day.
The effect OF eating Grape-Nuts ten
days or two weeks and the discontin.
uance Of ordinary white bread is very
marked. The user will gain rapidly n
strength and physical and mental
health.
There's reason"
The herald-advance. (Milbank, S.D.) 1890-1922, 1906-05-25
For a Gardeners Home,

John M. Hunter of New York, presi.
dent Of the National Gardeners asso-
citation, composed of landscape and
decorative gardeners OF the country, Is
touring California with the object OF
finding a location for a national gar.
deners' home, which is to be estab.
lished in that state. He expresses the
opinion that the Golden Gate Park,
San Francisco, is the most beautiful in
this country.
The herald-advance. (Milbank, S.D.) 1890-1922, 1906-05-25
Too Lazy.

Too Lazy.
I keeps my eyes wide open,
ism gwinter doze;
rs satisfied to stay awake
In comfort and repose.
feels so drefful lazy,
AS I'm sitting by the stream,
It ain no use to shet my eyes
Too lazy foh to dream!
I ism discontented,
Although my earthly lot
Is principally noted
For what / hasn' got.
An when I goes a-fishin'
(Not ketchin' any fish,
I leaves my cares benin me,
Too lazy foh to wish.
washington Star.
The herald-advance. (Milbank, S.D.) 1890-1922, 1906-05-25
Not for Him.

Representative Jake Beidler oi
Ohio tells this story Of his efforts to
sell q trunk to one Of his dairy hands:
You are going away" Mr.. Beidler
said. LET me sell you this trunk"
What for?" asked the employe.
ITO put your clothes in, of course
AN go naked? Why, I'de be arrest.
ed In q minute"
The herald-advance. (Milbank, S.D.) 1890-1922, 1906-05-25

Garfield Tea purfies the blood, regulates
the digestive organs, brings good health.
The herald-advance. (Milbank, S.D.) 1890-1922, 1906-05-25
The Mark Of Success.

All ye who's make your mark In life
To this advice should hark-
Seek first, II you would win the strife
To make q s.
The herald-advance. (Milbank, S.D.) 1890-1922, 1906-05-25
Lon1fellow Revised.

I stood on the bridge at close Of day,
Attired In football clothes;
The bridge belonged. I'd further say.
To tho rival halfback's nose,
Houston Chronicle
The herald-advance. (Milbank, S.D.) 1890-1922, 1906-05-25
A Young Musician.

love to turn the stool around,
AS high as high can be:
1t makes a screeching, shivery sound;
And while it's whirling, twirling round
l jump on top, cause then, you see,
get ride for nothing.
l wish there were no keys at all
Away down in the bass;
| love to let my fingers sprawl
Where all the notes are wee and small,
And while the teacher makes face,
Just play them twinkly-winkly.
The teacher always will explain:
never listen, cause
I've such a nimble little brain
can't help seeing what is plain;
And SO | nod, and never pause
Until, from top to bottom,
I've nodded every black and white
And all the keys there are;
And when l have the mum ber right
give the teacher such a fright
Her thoughts go wandering off 80 far
By shouting: "Eighty-sevenn'
Alvin West, in Lippincott's.
"Frail Singers of To-Day"
F'rail singers of to-day, your song is sweet:
The words that We repeat
Are comely, making music as they pass
Faint as the singing glass
Rubbed by moistened finger; round and
round
Circles the rim of sound,
thin yet poignant cry. But yesterday
Men sang a manlier way,
Plucking rough chords Of strength from
Tyres too rude
Ever to be subdued
BY this slight tinkling harmony OF the
hour.
Awake, awake to power,
Singers of songs-else die! Far better
mute
Were the emasculate lutte,
Far better silent, than thus chirping on
An echo of things gone
Gone down forever with all those mighty
hearts
Who brook no counterparts
Lee Wilson Dodd, in Century.
The herald-advance. (Milbank, S.D.) 1890-1922, 1906-05-25

Time II has troubles, and time 1t has tears
Sorrows and sighings a-many;
But what do / care?
It's the spring o. the year,
And I'm out In the blossoms with Jennyj
Earth is all beautiful sunshine, and seems
Fairest and dearest Of any;
Rose-wreaths to wear!
It's the spring o. the year,
And I'm out in the blossoms with Jennyj
Lean to her, lilies. and violets blue
Daisies SO deep and 70 many!
Life Is so dear
In the spring o. the year
Out In the blossoms with Jenny.
IF. L. Stanley, in Atlanta Constitution
The herald-advance. (Milbank, S.D.) 1890-1922, 1906-05-25
Spring Song.

Spring came dancing down the glades.
Her arms with violets laden;
And Spring met Love, and Love was sad,
Love vowed he'd never more be glad.
Spring sighed-the tender maiden!
Spring scattered violets through the
glades
And hid them in the blowing grass:
And love bent down ard plucked flower
And hasted to his Lady's bower.
Spring sang-the happy maidenl
Spring whispered to the waiting birds
To trill roundelay;
Along came Love. and Love was glad,
He vowed he never could be sad.
Spring laughed-the witching maiden!
Rita Scherman, In The Reader Magazine.
The Donaldsonville chief. [volume] (Donaldsonville, La.) 1871-current, 1906-09-01
He Hit the Bookmaker..

Patrick Murphy had an afternoon
1ff, SO he thought he would go out to
see the horse races.
Pat had heard about the fortunes
made at the race track, so he thought
he would try his luck. He went down
stairs before every race, but didn't
find any odds that suited him until
the last race. It was large gray
horse. I don't remember its name,
but It suited Pat all right, for II had
SOL after it.
Pat put up his dollar and went up
stairs to see the race. His horse won
by a neck. Pat hurried downstairs
with q lively step to cash In his
check.
II was the last race OF the day and
the bookmaker was anxious to get
rid Of his silver, therefore Pat was
paid with silver dollars.
Pat stood there few minutes rum
bling over his handful OF silver dol
lars. when the bookmaker hollered:
whats the matter, Irish? Don't you
think they are good"
Pat said: "They look all right, but
am just trying to see II can ind
the bad one / gave you among then" :
The Donaldsonville chief. [volume] (Donaldsonville, La.) 1871-current, 1906-09-01
Old French Bonfire

Probably the strongest detail record
ed of the old midsummer eve bonfres
is one in connection with those that
used to be lighted in the Place de
Greve in Paris. The main constituent
of the bonfire was tree, which the
king was accustomed to fire with his
own hands, the ashes being after
wards carried home by the people for
good luck. Louis XIV. was the last
king who did his part. A mysterious
item of earlier times was the burning
in the bonfire Of barrel, bag or bas-
ket full of cats. The registers of Paris
show that a hundred sous were paid
to an official for having provided dur
ing three years (f571-3) all the cats
required, as usual, for the fire" and
also in one year, when the king was
present, "a fox, to give pleasure to his
majesty. and for having provided a
great bag of linen in which the said
cats were
The Donaldsonville chief. [volume] (Donaldsonville, La.) 1871-current, 1906-09-01
AL ARE FOND OF moLAssEs
Favorite Dish with Farm Hands
After Hard Days Work.

The farm hands, a dozen brawny
eolored men, had washed at the pump,
and now sat patiently and quietly at
the table Soon their dinner ap
peared.
There was some kind of boiled
pork-a long, low oblong Of pure
white fat, with just one thread OF
lean running through it; and there
was pone, delicious pone made by the
Southern cook; and there were pota-
toes, coffee and black molasses.
The men put the black molasses
on their fat pork. The farmer said.
It is amazing how farm hands Ike
nolasses. like i myself. The Ions,
hard work in the sunny fields gives
you an appetite that nothing satisfies
as naoIasses viii.
Il used to have an overseer VINO
could no more have eaten his dinner
without molasses than without a
knife He would take On his plate
meat, potatoes, corn beans and so
on, and he would chop and mingie
these things together, adding bits OF
bread besides, and lastly he would
take the molasses jug and pour on
about half pint. That seems like
a heavy and sickening dish for the
hot noon of an August day, doesn't II?
I tell you, though, it tastes good to
a man who has been toiling in blaz-
ing field since sunrise. I've tried 1t,
and l know
The Donaldsonville chief. [volume] (Donaldsonville, La.) 1871-current, 1906-09-01
Queer Ways Of Becoming Dead.


A circular issued by the Travellers
Insurance company tells of some queer
ways in which its polieyholders have
met death.
B. F. Ebert, OF Des Moines, Ia,
drove a pair Of horses that took fright
and plunged into stream. His wagon
overturned, pinned Mr.. Ebert under
water and he was drowned.
John H. Hessler, of Wilkesbarre,
Pa, while walking over a railroad
crossing stubbed his toe and fell,
n act u1ir5 his skull skull. He died five
minutes later.
Henry S. Potter, of New York, an
Office doorman, when cutting bread cut
his thumb. Blood poisoning developed
and he died in 13 days.
Charles A. Redmond, of Cincinnati
o., struck his toe against a bedpost
Blood poisoning followed and he died
in 16 days.
w. II. M. Barnes, manager of de-
tective agency in Seattle, was waiting
to take a steamer when he fell into
the water and was drowned.
Patrick MeGarry, proprietor of a
boiler works in Chicago, was held up
by highWaymen. who fractured his
skull. He died three days after.
The Donaldsonville chief. [volume] (Donaldsonville, La.) 1871-current, 1906-09-01
The THOUGHTFUL Husband.

My dear says the thoughtful hus-
band, entering the house with a huge
package in his arms, you remember
last week when you secured such q
wonderful bargain in shirts at 8 cents
and neckties at three for quarter for
me?''
YES, love-" says the fond wife.
We'll, don't think didn't appreei
ate your thoughtfulness. See. l have
bought something for you. / noticed
some beautiful green and yellow plaid
goods in a show window on my way
home, and bought you so yards of it
at four cents a yard The clerk said
it was a great bargain, and it will
make enough dresses to last you two
years. Why she has tainted"
The Donaldsonville chief. [volume] (Donaldsonville, La.) 1871-current, 1906-09-01
Grocer was Getting Even.

''That was tit for tat with a ve@
geance," said Walter Christie, the asap
tomobilist, apropos of a quarrel be.
tween two French chauffeurs. It RE-
minds me of a grocer used to know
in Paint Rock. This grocer went over
to the jewelers. one day to get q nsw
crystal put on his watch. The latter
as he fitted and cleaned the crystal
suddenly flushed He bit his lip and
froWned His hand trembled SO that
he could hardly go ON with his taaks
Finally. handing the watch to the gros
Ger, the jeWeler said In restrained
voice: Beg pardon, but didn't ! 1nae
see you put a couple OF rings and .
scarfpin in your pocket 2,
s :. Sure you did. said the grocer
boldly When you come TO my plaza
aren't you always putting things 8
your mouth? q"
The Donaldsonville chief. [volume] (Donaldsonville, La.) 1871-current, 1906-09-01
AN OLD TIMER.
Has Had Experiences.

A woman who has used Postum
Food Coffee since it came upon the
market s years ago knows from ex-
perienee the necessity OF using Pos
tum in place of coffee If one values
health and steady brain.
She says: AT the time Postum was
first put on the market I was suffer
ing from nervous dyspepsia and my
physician had repeatedly told me not
to use tea or coffee. Finally de-
eided to take his advice and try
Postum, and got a sample and had It
carefully prepared, finding 1t deli
cious to the taste. So I continued
its use and very soon its beneficial ef-
fects convinced me OF its value, for
I got well Of my nervousness and dys-
pepsia.
Ny husband had been drinking cot
fee all his life until it had affected
his nerves terribly. persuaded him
to shift TO Postum and it was easy to
get him TO make the change for the
Postum is delicious. It certainly
worked wonders for him.
We soon learned that Postum does
not exhiIarate or depress and does not
stimulate. but steadily and honestly
strengthens the nerves and the stom-
ach. To make long story short our
entire family have now used Postum
for eight years with completely sat
ssfying results, as shown in our fine
condition of health and We have mo-
iced a rather unexpected improve
ment in brain and nerve power
Name given by Postum Co, Battle
5reek, Mich.
Increased brain and nerve power al
ways follow the use Of Postum in
place Of coffee. sometimes in very
marked manner.
Look in pkgs. for aThe Road 70
Melville,