The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1906-03-11
From the New York Sun.

From the New York Sun.
HAD always wondered how 1t would
seem. to wake up in the Silly night
and suddenly confront a burglar go
ing through the drawers of the dresser
or attempting to extract revenue from
pair of trousers that never. even in flush
times, contained more that street car
fare. am certain that no man has less
cause to fear an attempt at burglary
than I have.
I do not believe in keeping any guam
tity of money about the house; 1t is fool
hardy and unsafe. AS soon as we get
any money ahead my wife and l always
look around for a judicious investment.
We usually invest the bulk of it in gro
ceries, and lay the remainder out for
house rent Yet l know of no house that
more be more successfully burglarized
than ours. nor one that would pan out
less to the square foot.
I had always thought that if I should
be called upon to entertain burglar in,
my home during the small hours in the
back part of the night / would do it in a
pleasant, off-hand manner l would in
sist on his not doing a bugling job. If
there is anything / hate to see it is
poor workmanship, IL ! am to be bur-
glarized | want to be robbed in thor
ough and systematic manner. by a man
who understands his business and has
a reputation to sustain.
Consequently, when 1 awole a few
nights ago and saw man going through
the contents of the bureau drawers / felt
tl,ot In Of tho crt1pia1 rOor1ent had ar-
rived-at last 1 was to come face to face
with a real burglar.
He was standing with his back to me
and / raised up and looked him over
was disappointed in him. He was
cheap looking. low proved fellow.
reasoned that his work was light, clean
and sufficiently lucrative to enable him
at least to dress like a gentleman.
l felt hurt and vexed that this weak
chinned individual should break into my
house. ! did not like to be thrown into
contact with him. | felt that his early
training must have been sadly neglected.
and that that we could. have nothing in
common which would be likely make a
meeting profitable or congenial to either
of us.
Still, since chance in the shape of a
burglars Jimmy had thrown us together
| felt that ! must at least be civil to-
ward him. Some men might In a moment
of haste have sprung up and impetuousy
attacked the unwelcome visitor | have
heard of persons trying this and never
living to regret it. ! felt longing to
keep him from taking offense at any ac-
ton on my part so I leaned over and
asked him If he was burglar and II |
could be of any assistance to him in any
way.
He faced about and. turned a six cham
bered burglars code OF laws on me and
remarked:
when l gets through here you'll think
I am a burglar fast 'nough, and If you
don't keep quiet I'll splinter your block
Why. my man. / remarked, not heed
ing his buster, your intrusion will not
discomfort me in the least; in fact, 1t is
a matter of pleasure and satisfaction.
None of your profession has ever compl-
mented me by supposing that ! had any
thing worth taking risk on: that is why
| was afraid you might be an amateur
Say. now said my guest. will you
lay there quiet and not try any tricks on
me. or shall / tie you to the radiator
while | tap the erib?''
IF you don't care to have me assist
you I'll lie right here. and If you find
anything / wish you would come back
and tell me. / have never been able to
find any valuables in this house, and If
you can locate any III write you testi-
monial to boom your business and get
you a good practice"
He left, locking the door after MIN, and
heard him rummaging through the
lower part of the house. In about half
an hour he came back. He looked sullen
and disappointed, and | felt sorry for
HIM
Say. look here said he you've got
to shell out. You've got your sugar hid
somewhere. have gone through your
clothes and everything in the house. and
haven't even found a pockctbook yet"
You might look around here for two
months and not find one. The fact is, my
wife went through me just two days
ahead of YOU She Is out in the country