davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Mitchell capital. (Mitchell, Dakota [S.D.]) 1879-1918, 1906-11-23
ENGLISH ETCHINGS.

In some of the English towns strik-
Ing a match on ii lamp post means a
fine if Il policeman sees you
The British government gets an In
come of so. 100000 from the railways,
river boats and forests of India.
London pays fi,6O0.OOO a year to
keep criminals in check. that being the
sum paid out for police courts. prisons
and prosecuting officers.
A London magistrate in dischargiug
q man and his wife charged with CON
spring" to defraud an insurance COM
pany said that in law a man and his
wife We're one person, and one person
could not Conspire.
Fewer widows are sought in matri-
mony by EnGlishmen than formerly,
according to official statistics. In 1870
the percentage was Pill per thousand
marriages. Now the widows led to the
altar number only 12.5 per thousand.
Forty years ago the Marquis of Bath
placed three lily roots in the lake of his
estate at Longlent. Now the lilies oc-
cupy the water for three-quarters of a
mile and have proved such a tenacious
nuisance that the Whole lake will have
TO be drained and dredged to get rid Of
them.
The Mitchell capital. (Mitchell, Dakota [S.D.]) 1879-1918, 1906-11-23
Uses For EIlss' Teeth.

John D.. Losekamp of Billings, Mont,
is selling out his stock of elks' teeth,
about 10000 in all. ELK Tooth John"
as he is called, has for twenty-five
years been buying the tusks of bull and
COW elks until a short while ago he
was the possessor of $4,000 elks' teeth
He is the elk tooth king" Of Montana,
If not of the entire west. Losekamp
formerly bought dresses from the In
dams, the dresses being decorated
sometimes With 500 teeth. Any hunter
with elks' teeth in his possession was
sure of a purchaser in Losekamp. But
he cannot buy them any more and
make a reasonable profit, for any cow
Indian nowadays knows the value Of
an elk's tooth. Losekamp is disposing
of his teeth to a firm in the east at the
rate of 400 or 500 a month. The firm
makes them into watch fobs for mnm-
bers of the Order of Elks.
The Mitchell capital. (Mitchell, Dakota [S.D.]) 1879-1918, 1906-11-23
MODES OF THE MOMENT.

Stamped and striped velvets are to
be much worn both for coats and tor
entire suits.
Many of the pale shades in cloth for
merly seen only in warm weather will
be Worn throughout the winter.
Skirts fit snugly over the hips, even
though laid in tucks and plaits, but
they fare very much over the feet.
Leather belts will appear in great
variety and in fanciful designs. A
novel idea is a belt Of patent leather
with Scotch plaid design in the regular
clan colors.
Dark blue %broadcloth suits will be
furnished With ~jacqueminot red vests,
and vests more or less fancy are found
In all Of he smartest dressy costume
coats of whatever style.
In negligees an idea for a wrapper Is
to have collar and cuffs or a front Of
washable material. Embroidery or
white wooden stuff that will respond
readily to the cleaners touch is attrac-
tive and gives Il look of daintiness that
70 desirable in a heavy gown.
The Mitchell capital. (Mitchell, Dakota [S.D.]) 1879-1918, 1906-11-23
CHOICE MISCELLANY


The most important measure of the
point was the denatured alcohol bin,
so called, AZ If the prime object of ma
ture in making alcohol was to provide
a beverage. The bill removed the en-
tire tax from alcohol which had been
rendered undrinkable, so that this i'm
portant agent In the arts might be used
cohol in the arts lies almost at the ba-
SIS OF industrial Germany, which en-
| ploys it to the extent of 100000 gal
Ions u year. Our own tax of $2.1S
on each gallon was practically prohibit
tive, and in these important manufac-
lures which depended upon it's use we
Were at the mercy of our rivals. The
possibilities of the employment of al
cohol III producing light, heat and pow.
er are also enormous, as gallon for gal
lon it has Il far greater potency than
the best grade of refined petroleum
and need not much, if at all, exceed it
In price. The only opposition to the
bill came from the wood alcohol inter
ests, but as the use of that article even
In the arts is attended with danger
to life and health no reason appeared
for taxing for it's benefit a more eff
Gent and safer rival product, and the
bill passed by a nearly unanimous
votes. w. Mccall in Atlantic.
The Mitchell capital. (Mitchell, Dakota [S.D.]) 1879-1918, 1906-11-23

umbrella and proceeded to avail him
self Of its shelter as he tramped back
to the hotel with vigorous strides.
"He had scarcely covered half the
distance when he noticed an old wom-
an, a native Of the place, with her
head bent downward, trying to make
Roadway against the heavy shower.
THE king crossed over and placed
his umbrella in the old woman's hand,
while she, in the intervals of astonish-
ment, heaped blessings on the head Of
the good natured stranger. Send it to
the hotel when you have finished with
It, said the king carelessly, as he pre-
pared for a brisk walk.
"'Who shall l say it's for?' asked the
grateful old dame.
Address 1t to the Duke of Lancas-
ter answered his majesty, giving the
name as he moved away, leaving the
old woman Frustrated with w as
the identity Of her good Samaritan
dawned upon her.
Next day the umbrella was return
ed, with a huge bunch Of flowers at
tached to the handle"
The Mitchell capital. (Mitchell, Dakota [S.D.]) 1879-1918, 1906-11-23
I'LL MOVING r

About $4,000 tons of paper are annu-
ally turned out at Skien, Norway. The
laborers, a thousand in number, receive
only 40 cents to $1.1O per day.
A Norwegian engineer named Berg
graf has invented a method of deter
mining the depth of the sea by sound,
the principle being similar to that used
- determine the depth Of a miners
Shaft.
Large areas in the Klondike which 1t
did not pay to work by older methods
have been made productive through the
use Of dredges handling 5000 or more
cubic yards of dirt every tw%enty-four
hours. About a dozen Of these gold
dredges are already in operation.
Motor boats abroad are being put to
Industrial uses. In Holland, Norway
and Sweden they are used for various
goods carrying purposes. Motor barges
pre- increasing in numbers and popu-
larity in the Netherlands, while in vari-
GUS parts of Europe motor fishing boats
hre common.
The Mitchell capital. (Mitchell, Dakota [S.D.]) 1879-1918, 1906-11-23
One by Mr.. Cush,nan.

Representative Cushman Of Wash
ington is a delightful story teller. The
following is his latest:
"Once there was a young man who
got into the habit of drinking too
much. He would go out almost every
night and get filled up, and a friend Of
his would be obliged to take him home.
This friend got tired of plotting the
fellow home night after night. One
night he was escorting him in his GUS
tomary condition and was delivering
him a lecture on morals en- route. They
had turned a corner, and directly in
front of them was a big distillery in
which the night force was at work.
The structure was lighted up with
electricity from basement to cupola.
Just then his friend said to him, 'Har-
ry, you ought to have sense enough to
know that you can't drink all the whis.
ky that is manufactured Harry took
another reef in his legs and, pointing
his unsteady finger up toward the dis
tllery, said, We'll, I call hic) your at
tention to the fact that l am making
them hic) work nights, all right"
The Mitchell capital. (Mitchell, Dakota [S.D.]) 1879-1918, 1906-11-23

"a N- ( S@WSG
~OVERsHREWD LAWYERS.

Who Were Defeated by Witnesses
Through Their own WenpOns.
Oyershrewd lawyers often furnish
their Anniversaries with weapons. Ibid
| you see this tree that has been men
toned by the roads!aef' AN advocate
Inquired.
Yes, sir; | saw it very plainly"
1T was conspicuous, theny'
The witness seemed puzzled by the
sertlon.
What is the difference" sneered the
lawyer, "between plain and conspicu-
ous?"
But he was hoist with his w pc
tard. The witness innocently answered:
Il can see you plainly, sir, among the
other lawyers, though you are not a bit
conspicuous
In another instance a blow directed
against the character of a witness for
chilly recoiled.
"You We're in the company of these
people| he was asked.
"Of two friends, sir"
"Friends! Two thieves, l suppsse
you mean"
THAT may be So" was the dry re-
tort. "They are both lawyers"
The blow that destroys the effect of
an adverse examination is occasionally
more the result of accident thar of con-
scious effort. In a trial DOT long ago a
very simple witness was in the box
n after going through his ordeal was
ready to retire. one question remain
ed:
Now, Mr.. -, has not an attempt
been made to induce o to tell the
court a different storyY"
"a different story to what l have
told, sir:''
Yes. Is it not so?"
Eyes, sir"
Upon your oath | demand to know
who the persons are who have attempt
ed this"
We'll, sir, you've tried as hard as
any of EN-" was the unexpected an
swer
1t ended the examination.-Rochester
Herald.
The Mitchell capital. (Mitchell, Dakota [S.D.]) 1879-1918, 1906-11-23
I@nfuntiIe precocitx.

A crowd of people were gathered in a
room one day discussing how young q
child could be and talk. One Of them
said ten months, another one a year,
still another one said two years.
"a child l heard about talked when
1t was three months DID," said one gen
tleman present.
"a certain mother had a very sick
child, and, fearing the worst, she went
to the doctor and asked him ff he could
do anything for the child. He said,
Nothing The mother wrung her
hands and repeated, Absolutely moth
ing, doctor?' and he answered, sAbso-
lutely nothing
Then the child, looking up into their
faces, said absolutely nothing too."-
Houston Post.
The Mitchell capital. (Mitchell, Dakota [S.D.]) 1879-1918, 1906-11-23
blowing Confusion.

A steam whistle at Muskogee, which
blows for fires, sounds the curfew note,
advises children when to go to school,
announces the arrival of the milkman,
the closins: and opening Of the stores,
the rising of the curtain at the opera
house, the quitting hour for govern
ment employees, the arrival Of trains
and other things too numerous to men
ton is driving the Queen City mad.
The thing that bothers the intelligent
citizens when the whistle blows is,
What In thunder is it blowing for
now?"-Kansas City Journal.
The Mitchell capital. (Mitchell, Dakota [S.D.]) 1879-1918, 1906-11-23
NJ OF III HOUR
siwn. of,a Hard Winter.

The corn husks are q foot and a half
thick, II all the stalks lean to the
west.
The geese. ducks and chickens are
growing u coat of fur under their
feathers and are rubbing borax on
their feet TO harden them up.
All the II eyed owls are leaving
the country a month earlier than usual,
and the bobtailed squirrels are laying
in sweet potatoes as we'll as nuts for
winter provisions.
The farmer who has taken the trou-
bic to investigate has found that all the
toadstools on the old logs have wrin-
kles on them. The last time that this
happened we had winter weather that
froze the handles of plows.
Rabbits are sitting around with a
bumped up look to them, and field
mice have wrinkles In their tails.-Bir-
mingham Age-Herald.
The Mitchell capital. (Mitchell, Dakota [S.D.]) 1879-1918, 1906-11-23
- ~ IEC
THE HALL OF FAME.

Joy Represents Eden, Me, In the stat.
legislature.
NJ. Delca 'se. eN minister ol foreign
affair of France. intends to visit this
country for a short trip.
Admiral Prince Louis is said to HAY
been much tslonlshel when he asked
General Fred Grant for IA clgar and
learned that the son of General T.. 5
Grant did not smoke.
j. Ogden Armour of Chicago has al,
nonnccd that lie viii make an apu11l
donation OF $4,000 for SCHOLARSHIPS IL,
be competed for by the state aSrlc,ii
tural colleges of Illinois at the live
stock shows.
William Wallace Spence, the we'll
Known Baltimore merchant and plilan-
thropist, recently celebrated his ninety
first birthday. No man in Baltimore
has done more for the identifying and
Improving Of That city.
The old Indian chief Geronimo has
written his autobiography, and in spite
of some objection on the part of the
war department the book Is to be pub
lished. The autobiography is dedicated
to President Roosevelt.
w, n. uuids of Portland, Me, has
received y moose head from New
Brunswick which was the largest that
has been killed there this year. The
spread was tifty-nine and a half inches.
n there We're thirty-two tips.
Ray Nanucttisch. Il newspaper man,
broke the worlds t%ypewriting record
at Pue3lo. Cal. taking 1900 words
during the first thirty minutes and fin
ishing the hour with 4,917 words over
the long distance telephone from Den
Yer, 12O miles away.
Secretary Root brought with him a
unique memento of his trip to South
America iii the form of Il gold plate
presented TO him by the sailors of the
Peruvian navy at Callao. Peru. The
plate is handsomely inscribed and con-
tains the coat of arms of Peru.
MIR. Guy Laking, in charge of the ia
o collection of armor at Windsor
castle, has come to America to study
ancient arinor. Mr.. Laking, who is an
armor expert, says the Metropolitan
museum. New York, with the Duke de
Dino collection, has the finest assem-
blage of Old armor in the world.
The Mitchell capital. (Mitchell, Dakota [S.D.]) 1879-1918, 1906-11-23
The Ready Made Lecturer.

Anybody may be a lecturer these
days If he has a fairly good voice and
a few dollars. The novice merely WIS.,
Its an office in n OF the downtown
streets, asks for a llst of lantern slides,
pays the required deposit and goes his
way with his lecture ready made"
On the list Of customers are many min
listers, who consider it necessary to
give an illustrated sermon during the
winter. The proprietor secures q de-
post on the plates and charges at the
rate Of about So for a full series or
ever less If they are not colored.
The Mitchell capital. (Mitchell, Dakota [S.D.]) 1879-1918, 1906-11-23
Trying to Make Amends.

Being unable to find a seat in the
crowded car. the portly dame had gone
into the smoking car and sat down
near the door.
The man sitting next to her, absorbed
in his newspaper, kept on smoking.
II was foolish enough to suppose"
she said. glowering at him, that some
of the men in here at least were gen
temen.'
pardon me, madam he answered,
politely Offering her his cigar case
Chicago Tribune.
The Mitchell capital. (Mitchell, Dakota [S.D.]) 1879-1918, 1906-11-23
Nd Longer "slave.v

The VOID "nutsal" or slave" has
hitherto been used by all the Manchu-
r1an officials as we'll as military Off
Gals in addressing the throne, but it is
now proposed to stop such words being
used hereafter and to order them to
use the word ''ghen," or servant Of a
sovereign, which is at present used by
Chinese officials and civil officials. An
imperial decree to that effect will be
Issued when the new administrative
system Is published. = Shanghai Mer-
curry.
The Mitchell capital. (Mitchell, Dakota [S.D.]) 1879-1918, 1906-11-23
Love viii Find . Wa.

The beautiful girl t1ptoedt into the H.
brary, where her father was reading
the sporting page and nursing atgouty
foot.
"He-he has come, father she fal-
tered. -
who has Gomez" roared the ola ssu-
tleman. y, 4.
why, Claude"
what! Didn't he promise never 10
cross my thresholdtagain1" So d, ~
"He-he didn't Cross your thresheld,
pa. He stepped through the tfspdoor
on the roof. You see, he came in his
airship."-Boston Transcript.
The Mitchell capital. (Mitchell, Dakota [S.D.]) 1879-1918, 1906-11-23
Combating the "Lazy Worm. >,


A large district in the middle of Porto
Rico, with a population of 100000, is
afflicted with the "lazy worm" and Of
fetal efforts are being made to improve
the Inhabitants condition. A hospital
has been established at Aibonito, with
an endowment of $4,000, and will do
what it can to check the ravages Of
this minute reptile, of the existence Of
which the old time native Porto Rican
never had the slightest notion. Last
year an American medical officer, Cap
tain Ashford, treated $500 cases, and
nearly all of them were cured. AS a re-
suit the population is aroused to much
enthusiasm, and the afflicted are apply
ing in great numbers for treatment.
Heretofore the malady has been deem.
ed incurable.-Dundee Advertiser.
The Mitchell capital. (Mitchell, Dakota [S.D.]) 1879-1918, 1906-11-23

Since the return of the Marlenbad
party IA series OF new stories OF the
King have been going the rounds OF the
Clubs. according to n London cable
gram. Two of the most popular are
here repeated:
"A few days before his departure the
King was overtaken by n shower when
about ten minutes walk from the ho-
tel. Although he was without the pro-
lection of an overcoat, he carried an
The Mitchell capital. (Mitchell, Dakota [S.D.]) 1879-1918, 1906-11-23
To a Higher Court,

Harry is the son Of a lawyer who
talks shop a good deal at home. He
had been naughty, and his mother, aft
er getting him in q back room upstairs.
approached him with a slipper upon
which she had secured a firm grip.
Hold on, ma" the boy howled. I'm
going to carry this case up, and you
amt got no right to execute Judgment
before we get a decision from pap
Chicago Record-Herald.
The Mitchell capital. (Mitchell, Dakota [S.D.]) 1879-1918, 1906-11-23
Need MATCHING

DR.. Price-Price-Yes, 1 need a vaca-
ton badly, but l can't take it just now.
Many of my patients are in such condiy
ton that 1 can't afford to leave them
They need constant nursing.
Wise-Ah, yes! Foxy people, aren't
they? If you quit nursing them they
get we'll the first thing you know, eh?
Catholic Standard and Times.
The Mitchell capital. (Mitchell, Dakota [S.D.]) 1879-1918, 1906-11-23
A Powerful Toad.

Slips Of the tongue often frame 81.
culiar sentences when the trahsposidon
Of the first letters Of words occurs. ~
The training ship st. Marys' had LETT
on n of her cruises, and 4 itstjtr IL
n Of the boys had been down to Win
the young sailor bon voyage" In
describing the departure Of 4he eodd
ship later she intended I'd. ~, 1Ths
ship was towed out by q tug and
George kept waving In the bow. ut
her words were these: 1.-The aShib veas
tugged out by astoada and. uebree WE
caving in the bow."-Afmy ind Navy
Life. Y is
The Mitchell capital. (Mitchell, Dakota [S.D.]) 1879-1918, 1906-11-23
safety

Police Magistrate : Thirty days at
the works for YOU.
Prisoner-Faith an thot do be purity
tough. Pfwat would yez say if OF wuz
t. call yez an old fool? .
Police Maglstrate-Id add ten DAYS
to your sentence. I
Prisoner-Begorry, thin oi'll not Say
1T. Oi1l only think it.-Detroit Trib-
The Mitchell capital. (Mitchell, Dakota [S.D.]) 1879-1918, 1906-11-23
Not sinltable.
re yos

The Bearded Lady-Mercy! Are yos
going to marry the fat manp
The Fair Clrcassian-Yes. 1 felt @.
sorry for him. He said he'd drown
himself If l didn't accept him.
The Bearded Lady-Drown himself!
Why, say, you'd have to tie anchors to
his feet to drag him under watet--
Cleveland Plain Dealer.
The Mitchell capital. (Mitchell, Dakota [S.D.]) 1879-1918, 1906-11-23
An Accident.

MA" asked the little rabbit. III Il
true that pa was shot by an' amateur
gunner?"
mot at all" snorted the mother rab-
bit -scorntully. ,"The gunner ,wsss sto66t-
ing at something else while YOUR posuar
father sat behind him and laughed.
Unfortunately the gun kicked and Tie
man sat down IN your father and Kill
ed him." - New Orleans Tintes.:DSltnjo.
crat. A $50 IS
The Mitchell capital. (Mitchell, Dakota [S.D.]) 1879-1918, 1906-11-23
AS to a Novelist.

"Ah" gushed the sweet young thing.
He is such a delightful writer. | won
der how he works?"
Judging from the quality and guam
tity of his output" responded the sour
old thing, II should imagine that he
writes with both hands and dictates
with his mouth. w Herald.
The Mitchell capital. (Mitchell, Dakota [S.D.]) 1879-1918, 1906-11-23
Pass Il On!

When you get a coin that's bed,
Mashed or sawn,
Make some other fellow glad
Pass 1t on.
Do not be a selfish mug.
Got a dollar with a plug3
Dtifle conscience with, q shruc.
Pass Il on.
The Mitchell capital. (Mitchell, Dakota [S.D.]) 1879-1918, 1906-11-23
Perhaps.

Towne-Thats the local weather fore.
caster who just passed us. u
Browne-Indeed7 He isn't b vsEy
healthy looking man, ia hef
Towne-No. He says the climate
here doesn't agree with him.
Browne-Yes? l wonder IL that's
why he keeps changingdit SO muchf-
Catholic Standard and Times.
The Mitchell capital. (Mitchell, Dakota [S.D.]) 1879-1918, 1906-11-23
just Enough to s,o,l n.r

II suppose your daughtersemusieal
training has been a fine thing for herr"
well, no." replied old Grabbitau.
Il can't say it has. She's got herself
trained just enough so she can't enjoy
ragtime and gets all mixed up WREN
she tries to talk enthusiastically about
the classic kind."-Chicaso RecorduHer.
aid. .M
The Mitchell capital. (Mitchell, Dakota [S.D.]) 1879-1918, 1906-11-23
"oh, say, wouldn't my teacher like to
have dis ?"-New York World.
rhirstx Society.

Banker sussell (who, with his friends,
has made an excursion into the woods,
is summoned by his servant, who
brings important news)-But however
did you find me, Jean?
Scranton, l simply followed the
empty wine bottles.-FIgaro.
The Mitchell capital. (Mitchell, Dakota [S.D.]) 1879-1918, 1906-11-23
One Co.nplaant.

Father-in-law-Now, my dear sonin-
law, tell me honestly whether you an,
satisfied with my daughter.
Son-in-law-My dear Herr Schmidt
have nothing at all to complain of-ex-
cept perhaps that you didn't throw nh
out when I asked for her hand in mar
riage.-Bombe.
The Mitchell capital. (Mitchell, Dakota [S.D.]) 1879-1918, 1906-11-23
A DOUBLE ,NTENpER,

An automobile
With a bprgted wheel
Went into a garage FOR quiek rspaffA
And the chauffeur. baked
In his projects. talked
As a tinker talks when a tinker sveaxn
But the great machine,
Full OF righteous spleen.
And OF gratitude by it's cure inspired.
Said at once to each.
To the skillful leech
And the swearing chauffeur. you mar,
me tired!"
-Lippincotts Masasin>.
The Mitchell capital. (Mitchell, Dakota [S.D.]) 1879-1918, 1906-11-23
Poor Cuisines. Policy

"And he makes no bones about n. 81.
ther."
"Well, he ought to go into some huff.
ness where he could make 'bolies.'"-
Kansas City Star.
The Mitchell capital. (Mitchell, Dakota [S.D.]) 1879-1918, 1906-11-23
Dinerent Kfnd..
"Most actors admire Shakes,

Most actors admire Shakespeare"
"Some do" answered Mr.. Stormint.-
ton Barnes. "Others are too busy
thinking Of how Shakespeare w6uid
admire them If he could only see then
do his plays."-Washington Star,
The Mitchell capital. (Mitchell, Dakota [S.D.]) 1879-1918, 1906-11-23
An objection.

do you approve of spelling reform?"
Eyes," answered the adaptable citi-
zen. "The only objection Is that 1t con-
sumes more time remembering to spell
the new way than it does to put in the
extra letters" w Star.
The Mitchell capital. (Mitchell, Dakota [S.D.]) 1879-1918, 1906-11-23
More Trouble Afnat.

"How in the world did you happen
to be run over by the auto?"
II was trying to dodge the ballast
that the b%alloonist was throwing
down."-Pueblo Chieftatn.
The Mitchell capital. (Mitchell, Dakota [S.D.]) 1879-1918, 1906-11-23
Just the One

Gunner--I an going to try to sell my
automobile.
Guyer-To whom?
Gunner-Oh, some politician.
Guyer-But why a politician?
Guyer-Because it is such a good
mud thrower.-Chicago News.