Graham guardian., 1906-11-23
"D-E-L-I-G-h-T-E-D"


to Panama, with his fleet of gov
ernment vessels to carry his collos
sal ponderosity down there, ha'
been the means of saving millions
upon MILLIONS to the "doal
people" Teddy upon his arrlva
there boarded the railroad coach
and Grid" across His "Ismus", Gas
now speld) and waded out nine
miles into the Pacific ocean, where
it was knee deep to Teddy, just tc
show the man-eating sharks anc
numerous marine gupchuks that
he was game, On turning round
to foot it back to shore he discov
cred q school of whales in his
path. He squared himself for a
real good kick into the gang but
was only partially successful, as
his Rough Rider spur which he
happened at the time to have on,
caught in three-acre bunch OF
sea weed and his effort landed only
eleven full.grown whales ashore,
including the big bull of the flock.
On his way back on the train he
jumped off near the Culebra cut,
grabbed 1000 workmen by the
hand in exactly three quarters of a
minute, schedule time, with the
expression "D.e light ed" for
each man. Then seizing one OF
the five-ton steam shOvels, spit on
his hands and began to dig toward
the Atlantic ocean, not forgetting
TO give the regulation signal for
the train to proceed onward with
a full head of steam. The "Stren-
uous" Teddy plunged that gigantic
shovel eleven feet into the bosom
of Mother Earth at bis first motion,
and the Pan-American Republics
took it tor another earthquake
when the vibrations were felt.
The earth flew, while The Earth
trembled. The canal at that point
is to be 100 feet wide aud l57 feet
deep, cut through solid rock.
Within just two minutes and IL
seconds Teddy's "strenuosIty" had
dug that "Ismus Canal one mile
and three.quarters. Then Teddy
paused to look for the train which
he had passed on the dig. The
train not being yet in sight,
Teddy "spit on his hands" for the
second time, only to discover he
had worn that IL foot steam shovel
down to exactly one foot, two and
a-quarter inches, and not having
time to await another shovel
brought along on the first gravel
train, he boarded his OWN train
FIVE minutes afterward. While
awaiting for his train to convey
him from the cut, he held quite a
"levee" with the workmen, which
numbered some 200 English speak
ing persons and something over
5000 imported-shirt- tail-hop-con-
suming.anlmated Chinese pig tails,
the latter warmly greeting Teddy
with "Hoopla Teddy, him belly
good Mclean man." During this
brief interval, and IN exactly Al
seconds Teddy made slx-year
contract with three of the Coolie
pig.talls to do the White House
washing up to the end of the next
presidential term.
Teddy's expansive smile shone
brighter than the tropical sun over
head, and amid the joyous scenes,
being asked by his Coolie friends
to admit tons of hop to the canal
"zone" free of duty. be said be
would be "d.e-l.i.g-h-t.e-d" to do
so, but would wait until he got
home and ask Root just how far
his extraordinary powers went,
and that he was willing to "go the
limit"
1t was "hoopla, hoopla, boOpla"
on every hand, and Teddy's glis-
tening incisors gave evidence of
his enjoyment. Having saved the
great American people something
over twenty-three millions of dol.
lars by bis little "dig," he took his
departure, with many a waving
hand salute of parting to bis
"hoopla" friends, while standing
on the platform of the rear coach.
As the roceding train bore the
"strenuous" Teddy over the hill
and mt Of vinv tnwarh hia A finn