The Caldwell tribune. [volume] (Caldwell, Idaho Territory [Idaho]) 1883-1928, 1906-03-24
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Bus.
Mrs. Pine-How many times have
you been married? Mrs. Golightly-
I'm ashamed to tell you; only once
Town Topics.
Prospective Husband-What mar
rage ceremony do you prefer? Pros
pective Bride (the fourth time)-Catch
as catch can.-Ex.
Parker-I understand your wife Is
pretty literaryf Barker-Well, she can
read Henry James in the original with
out a pause Puck.
IF it's a nice day. come and take me
out in your auto, Wednesday" But
suppose it's not a nice dayT Come
the day before.
Johnny-Come in. Sisters expectin'
you. Mr. Stoplate-How do you know
abe isf Johnny-Shes been sleepin' all
the ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS Leader.
DO you believe in marrying a girl
for her money! mot as a general
thing. but sometimes that's the only
way you can get it away from her.
Eek.
Mrs. Economy-How much are the
spectacles? Oculist-Two dollars. Mrs.
Economy-Can't you knock off one dol
larf I'm blind in one eye.-New York
Mail.
Gypsy Fortune-teller (seriously)-
Let me warn you. Somebody's going to
cross your path. Motorist-Don't you
think you'd better warn the other chap
Punch.
She (thinking to take his mind off,
How restless the waves are, did. They
always seem to be clamoring for some
thing Dad-Well. they won't get it If
can help it-Ram's Horn.
Il have no home" began the beg
gar. SORRY, old man." said the brisk
pedestrian, but have only one. How
ever. If youth pay my bills, I'll give you
that"-Philadelphia Ledger.
Redd-F1ne air up there in the coun-
try where I've been. Greene-Why
didn't you bring some Of It back with
your Redd-I did It's in my automo-
bile trea-Yonkers Statesman.
Il hear that the new stars acting
brought down the house" "Yes, it did.
In one week 1t brought down the house
from eight hundred to ten people and
the ushers. Cleveland Leader.
Tired Thompson-Wuz yer ever be-
fore q JudgeH Frozen Stiffe-I wuz.
Tired Thompson-What did 70 git!
Frozen Stiffe-Life at hard labor. l
wuz married by judge.-Judge.
A man lost leg in a railway acct
dent and when they picked him up the
first word he said was: THANK the
Lord, 1t was the leg with the rheuma-
t1sm In it!"-Atlanta Constitution
Wife Ito husband standing III front
Of mirror with razor In hand)-Ars
you shaving7 Husband-No, am
backing the kitchen range. Where are
you-out driving or at a matineeH
Detroit Journal.
De Style-My wife tells me while out
In her auto you did lots Of damage.
Chauffeur-But, sir. when you hired
me you said your wife wanted me to
run her auto in the worst way.-Lip-
pincott's Magazine.
She-We ought to have an upright
piano for our new fiat. 1t would take
up less room than our square one. He
i can't afford to buy a new piano.
You'll have to turn the square piano
on end.-Yonkers Statesman.
The Wife-What luck. The Husband
(wearily)-None whatever. The Wife
Were there no servants in the intel
ligence officef The Husband (sadly)-
Lots Of them; but they had all worked
for US before.-Woman's Home Com
panion.
Lady-What is the real difference be-
tween an apartment, a fiat, and tene-
nent house? Janitor-In an apartment
the ladies don't have no children; in a
q fat they has one or two. More than
two makes any house tenement, mum.
Judge.
The regular patron, a little pale and
wan, dropped YEARLY into chair. and
took out his newspaper. "Steak, as per
said the waiter. mo; am
tired tonight" the patron answered;
bring me a plate Of hash."-St. Louis
Little Brother-Do you know what I
think1 sister-No; what Is it, Little
Brother-I think If were not in the
room Mr.. Jones would kiss you. Sister
You impudent boyl Leave the room
Translated for Tales from
Blatter.
Old Lady Ito chemist)-I want a box
Of canine pills. Chemist-What's the
matter with the dogi Old Lady (in-
want you to know. sir,
that my husband Is a gentleman. Chem
LIST puts up some quinine pills In pro-
found silence.-Pick-Me-Up
"Say, boss" said the ragged individ-
ual. ARE you q philant-ropist7" Eyes,
my man." answered the well-groomed
one. 81 believe may say that I am"
ADat'a wot I wuz afraid of Kin var