davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Los Angeles herald., 1906-01-20
The Only WaN

Mrs. Nocoyne-Jacl<, we will have to get
a divorce.
Mr.. Nocoync-What do YOU mean?
Mrs. NOcoYnc-ltS either divorce or
ruin Eighteen of the people who gave us
wedding presents arc going to be married
next month. Shall | apply or will YOU?
Los Angeles herald., 1906-01-20

Proposals for sluice gates for the La
guna dam will be opened here Febru-
ary %. One more big irrigation prof.
ect is progressing.
Los Angeles herald., 1906-01-20
WHAT IS NEEDED

From the Utica Observer
What the White House needs. and
needs badly, is such secretary to the
president as occupied the post from 1885
to 1889. We cannot imagine the courtly
and courte eous Daniel S. Lamont suffer-
ing. much less instigaling such a scene!
Los Angeles herald., 1906-01-20

We have had chicken. cat and dog
shows galore The crying need OF Los
Angeles now is n first class horse show.
Los Angeles herald., 1906-01-20

II those Portlanders are "wcbfcet," 8"
they'll find this great weather for
ducks-even for badgers"
Los Angeles herald., 1906-01-20
Population of Los Angeles 2Ol.249

Algeciras has now chance to feel
how It is to be the Portsmouth Of
Europe.
Los Angeles herald., 1906-01-20
Beats WeIIman's Assianment

Walter Wellman shouldn't swell M
so over his Instructions from the Chi
caEo Record-Herald to go to the north
pole in an airshp. The writer hereof
was working for Col. Leonard of the
Lawrence Journal once when something
happened around the Office which
caused the colonel to give the writer
an assignment to go straight to hell
and be quick about it! And it never got
in the papers much, either.-Wlliam
Allen White in Emporia (Kas.) Ga
zette.
Kansas City has secured 25-cent gas
Los Angeles has it also. but pays S5
cents for it, That's the difference.
Chicago is to have a twenty-story
church. But Chicago can't reach
heaven by building toward it. Remem-
Der Tower of Babel?
Secretary Taft has lost twenty pounds
riding horseback. Pity the poor horse
It's hard to dig canal with a foun-
tain pen.
Paving
Said hustling imp to Satan,
In the fall of 1905:
"Our streets are very rocky;
It's rather hard to drive.
1--WE need a spell of paving:
Shall ! order up some bricks?"
Said Satan with a leer: mo, wait
Till 1867
They waited; with the New Year,
The resolutions came;
Intentions were most plenteous-
Oh, twas the same old game!
The month is hardly over
With good intents galore
The devil has paved Hades.
And has had tons left Ger!
w. H. C.
Los Angeles herald., 1906-01-20
Three TO One

This. advertisement recently appeared
III houisViIIe kas, paper: Lost
one dollar reward will be paid for the
return of my Maltese kitten; white
cross on throat blue ribbon about neck
answers 10 name Of Fluffy Mrs X. v
Brown" And Immediately under il
appeared the following: Reward
viii pay SO reward for the hide of said
cat. y. Y. Brown"
Los Angeles herald., 1906-01-20

a Cleveland broker has committed
suicide over the loss of $500O0O But
it was his own money.
Los Angeles herald., 1906-01-20
Everybody but Chaunoey

EIorybody quits but Chauncey,
lie sticks on like glue.
What, mo quit? Nay, not. nit,
NiNiC.' says Depew
Let the McCalls vamoose the ranch.
Tho McCurdvs fade awavl
Let ON all retire under fire, or ire.
Chauncey says he'll stay.
Los Angeles herald., 1906-01-20

When visiting the White House leave
a mattress outside. Your exit will not
be so hard.
Los Angeles herald., 1906-01-20

However, all else falling, Fitz might
act as escort for women visiting the
White House.
Los Angeles herald., 1906-01-20

If nc writes his name the way he
talks. New Yorlts new police commits
sioner must sign it BIN.
Los Angeles herald., 1906-01-20

IT is fitting that Teddy should he a
Red Man; they were the original
Rough Riders.
Los Angeles herald., 1906-01-20

DePhew resigned from the Eduit-
able in fourteen words, but he has SO
far found none in the language I'm
which to resgn from the senate.
Los Angeles herald., 1906-01-20
Pi-LineS and Pick-UpS
Loves Lottery

They say that loves a lottery,
Those poets all, who pratc;
They very much misquoto it,
I've found at any rate.
Tell me, We who maintain it,
How do ye this disguise?
Whcnc'cr We have a lottery
Someone must get a prize!
Los Angeles herald., 1906-01-20

as the Standard OTIS elevator man
doesn't know why ask further?
Los Angeles herald., 1906-01-20

When Secretary Taft sits on Poultney
BiEelow, let's hope that Bigelow is OH
Il soft spot.
Los Angeles herald., 1906-01-20

OranEe-Love is dream
Lemon-And matrimony is the alarm
clock, ch?
Los Angeles herald., 1906-01-20

Peach--Do clothes make the man?
Plum-Well, not always; sometimes
they break him.
Los Angeles herald., 1906-01-20

Mrs Chadwick has been assigned to
the prison laundry. Will she please
cleanse her reputation while she's
at it?
Los Angeles herald., 1906-01-20

Kansas City has secured 25-cent gas.
Los Angeles has it also. but pays S5
cents for it. That's the difference.
Los Angeles herald., 1906-01-20

Chicago is to have a twenty-story
church. But Chicago can't reach
heaven by building toward it. Remem-
Der Tower of Babel?
Los Angeles herald., 1906-02-22
A Valuable Agent.

The glycerine employed in DR.. Pierce's
medicines greatly enhances the medi-
cinal properties which it extracts and
holds in solution much better than alco-
hol would. 1t also possesses medicinal
properties OF its own, being q valuable
demulcent, nutrltive, antiseptlc and anti
ferment. 1t adds greatly to the efficacy
oil the Black Cherry bark, Golden Seal
root, Stone root and Queens root, con
tained in oGolden Medical Discovery in
subduing chronic, or lingering coughs,
bronchial, throat and lung affections,
for all Of which these agents are recon-
mended by standard medical authorities.
In all cases. where there Is o wasting
away Of flesh, loss of appetite, with
weak stomach, as in the early stages Of
consumption, there can be no doubt that
glycerine acts as valuable nutritive and
aids the Golden Seal root, Stone root,
Queens root and Black Cherry bark in
promoting digestion and building up the
flesh and strength, controlling the cough
and bringing about a healthy condition
of the whole system. OF course, 1t must
not be expected to work miracles. It Will
not cure consumption except In its earlier
stages. 1t will cure very severe, obstin-
ate, chronic coughs, bronchial and laryn-
geal troubles, and chronic sore throat
with hoarseness. In acute coughs 1t Is
not so effective. 1t is in the lingering
COuBuS, VI LuOSb VI lOIlR SbHUulHB, bNtIi
when accompanied by bleeding from
lungs, that It has performed its most
marvellous cures Send for and read the
little book Of extracts, treating of the
properties and uses of the several med
icinal roots that enter into DIR. Perce's
Golden Medical Discovery and learn tUhu
this medicine has such wide range Of
application in the cure of diseases 1t is
sent free. Address DIR. r. V. Pierce,
Buffalo, N. Y. The discovery" con-
tains no alcohol or harmful, habit-form-
ing drug. Ingredients all printed on each
bottle wrapper in plain English.
Sick people, especially those suffering
from diseases Of long standing, are invited
to consult DR.. Pierce by letter, free. All
and sacredly confidential. Address DR..
r. V. Pierce, Buffalo, N. Y.
DR.. Pierce's Medical Adviser is sent free
on receipt Of stamps to pay expense of
mailing only. Send 81 one-cent stamps
for paper recovered, or 81 stamps for cloth
bound copy.
Los Angeles herald., 1906-02-22

an expert fashion, but that gentleman
ducked under the others uncertain
guard and went back to his room.
More Opinions
Again the pertina cious Mulqueen is
said to have followed his enemy, and
in measured accents but tripping
tongue told him what was his personal
opinion on the question.
The next morning Mr.. Budd sought
the manager of the hotel and demanded
that Mulqueen be requested to seek
other quarters. This request was not
complied with, and Mr.. Budd went
over to the Alexandria and then sought
the city prosecutor.
A complaint for disturbing the peace
was issued, and when the case comes
up in court both men say that they
will fight to the bitter end and spend
money like fizz to prove his own side
of the story.
Mr.. Mulqueen says that it was mis-
take and that Mr.. Budd had no occa-
sion to get so angry because his room
was entered unintentionally.
Both gentlemen are wealthy tourists
and are ready. to spend several thou
sand dollars If necessary on the case.
The hotel management processes ig-
norance of the whole affair
Talk -o-Phone free. See the proposition
in today'S Herald
Los Angeles herald., 1906-02-22
A PERFECT FOOD.

That<Scott's Emulsion
should art~so quickly and
satisfactorily in all cases
of lost flesh and continued
wasting is not surprising
when itspfoodvalue is un-
derstood. With pure Nor
wegian cod liver oil, hypo-
phosphites of lime and
soda and glycerine, there
is combined in SCOTS
Emulsion the best ele-
ments tsof1nourishment and
strength building known
to medical science. Any
physician will tell you this.
The use of these ingredi-
ents in the proper proper
tions; the employment of
only the Purest grade of
each, and to combine them
perfectly is the secret of
the success of Scott's
Emulsion. You will not
find a more certain way to
stop waste, build flesh and
strength and supply nour-
ishment than through
SCOTS Emulsion.
SCOTT 9 sowNE. ~ Pearl st.. New York
Los Angeles herald., 1906-02-22
YELLOW NOVELS TO BLAME
BY Associated Press.

BY Associated Press.
ROCHESTER,, n. Y, Feb. 21.-August
Berndt, 12 years of age, was shot and
killed by his uncle, William Berndt, 1S
years of age, at the boys home in Iron
dequot.
The uncle had been reading yellow"
novels and was illustrating, according
TO his own admission, "how heroes
fight" He forgot the revolver was
loaded
He was placed under arrest on the
charge of manslaughter.
Los Angeles herald., 1906-02-22
Her Cat

to the picturesque possibilities of the
cat has a new fad. She matches her
gown i'm handsome satin ribbon, which
she ties in an enormous perky bow
around the neck of her Angora or Per-
sian cat. Then she takes the cat in her
arms.
Los Angeles herald., 1906-02-22
HOTEL DUEL
SANS BLOOD
WEALTHY TOURISTS, GUESTS AT
HOTEL, GO TO LAW
Trouble Arises Because Mr.. Mulqueen
Walks Unexpectedly Into Mr..
Budd's Observation-Disclosures
Refuse to Interfere

A dispute between two wealthy guests
of the exclusive Hotel Van Nuys, a
defiance sent up to one of the parties
and his subsequent removal to the
Alexandria has caused a ripple of ex
citement to pass over such of the
guests as have been let into the secret.
1t is not probable that the story
would have been made public except
for the action of John II. Budd, who
applied for a complaint against his ad-
versary Thomas Mulqueen, yesterday.
THAT man has grossly insulted me-"
Mr.. Budd said yesterday to City Prose-
cutor Eddie. II would have called the
thing a closed incident but for the way
that the hotel people treated it. They
seemed to think it joke / do not see
Il that way"
on Monday night the alteration be-
gan that has nearly resulted in a hotel
tragedy.
Los Angeles herald., 1906-02-22
New VoiIes

Invisible checked black voile is one
of the most beautiful of all the new
black cloths Checks and stripes and
plaids-invisible, except in a side light
come in all the good colors and black,
and form a very aristocratic family of
fabrics.
Los Angeles herald., 1906-02-22
PASSENGER IS
A DEFENDANT
HOLLYWOOD CAR is SCENE OF
DISTURBANCE
Conductor Sees Pistol Displayed and
Kicks Wealthy Lemon Grower
tijcy off--company Prefers
Charges

II. II. Welch. a wealthy lemon
grower Of Hollywood, was arrested
yesterday afternoon by Deputy Con-
stable Holman on a charge of disturb
ing the peace, preferred against him
by representatives of the Los Angeles
Pacific Railroad company.
Welch was brought to Los Angeles
and arraigned before Justice Young.
He was placed under bail of $125 which
he furnished, and his examination set
for Friday morning.
The disturbance which Welch Is
charged with creating occurred on a
Hollywood car late Tuesday night
while he was returning home after at
tending one of the local theaters with
two of his relatives.
There was some kind of a disturb
ance on the car and the conductor
cautioned WEIGH to be quiet and not
use profane and obscene language.
Fourishes a Revolver
In the resulting quarrel Welch is al
legged to have flourished a revolver
and the conductor is alleged to have
kicked him off the car.
In falling Welch struck against the
car step and sustained a severe
abrasion Of the scalp. He was rem
dered unconscious by the blow and was
carried to his home, four blocks dis
tant and Dr. jackson of the Hotel
Hollywood summoned by special car.
Yesterday Welch made the following
statement regarding the trouble to
Herald representative:
TUESDAY evening, accompanied by
two women relatives, 1 came to Los
Angeles and attenGed one of the the
aters. 1 met a couple of my friends
between the acts and 1 admit that
had a few drinks too many. l started
for the car when 1 left the theater and
we all boarded it.
II was occupying a seat on the
front of the car and a rough looking
fellow was sitting next to me. He
looked at me in such an offensive man
ner that 1 asked him what was troub-
ling him. He made an insulting reply
and 1 had nothing further to say to
him, but two gentlemen in front of me
turned around and said that the man
should be put off the car for saying
such things.
Profane but Not Obscene
1--WE got to talking then and I had
to talk rather loud because the car
was going at high rate of speed and
making a good deal of noise.
II admit I used some strong Ian
guage and it was not obscene.
after a while the conductor came
to me and told me to quit talking so
loud and quit using obscene language.
I had nothing further to say until
started to leave the car.
my women companions stepped off
the car and as I started to leave 1 took
my revolver from my hip pocket and
put it in my side overcoat pocket.
Whenever I am in the city and re-
turn home late I always carry a re-
volver, because I have four blocks to
walk after leaving the car.
"Well, when the conductor saw the
revolver he became scared, although
it is quite common for a man to
change his revolver from his hip to his
overcoat pocket before leaving a car at
night and he said, Get off the car and
hurry up
Conductor Puts Quietus
81 told him that I could ride as long
as l wanted to and that I didn't have
to jump off because he said so Then
he hit me and knocked me down and
that was the last / remember until |
Los Angeles herald., 1906-02-22
Keeping Lemons

Lemons can be kept soft much
longer time by putting them in a jar
filled with water. the water to be re-
newed every two days.
Los Angeles herald., 1906-02-22
Notes for Women
Quilts Of White SIX

The new quilts are the most fas-
affairs of the kind we have
had for a long time, They are of white
Japanese silk, delightfully."- light, though
filled thickly with down. They are Just
large enough to cover the top of the
bed.
Los Angeles herald., 1906-02-22
Interrupts While READING

Mr.. Budd, who says that he is not
related to Ex-Governor Budd, said that
he was seated in his luxurious apart
ment reading an interesting book.
Suddenly d gentleman burst into the
room and then proceeded to make pro-
fuse apologies.
II think that I am in the wrong
room," suffered the visitor
you certainly are" replied Mr.. Budd
coldly, and according to his story that
aroused the ire of the other, who is
said to have imbibed considerable
champagne that evening.
"Sir, my name is Thomas Mulqueen,"
he retorted. "I have begged your par
don like a gentleman, but 1 will now
tell you that 1 think you are a cur-yes
l repeat it. a cur"
Mr.. Budd says that he gently elected
the visitor and returned to his book,
supposing the incident closed.
Challenge on a Plate
Shortly after he was surprised to
hear a knock on the door, and on his
opening it there stood bellboy holding
out silver plate. On 1t was the card
of Thomas Mulqueen and his cartel of
defiance.
Mr. Budd did not desire any blood
shed and his duelling pistols were in
their velvet case in his old home. So.
he determined to answer the challenge
in more modern way, and descended
to the office and Informed the night
clerk of the actions of the guest.
While he was trying to impress upon
the smiling suavity of the clerk that
an outrage had been perpetrated in his
room, Mr. Mulqueen came up with
rage depicted in every feature.
"Sir. he spluttered II thought I was
dealing with a gentleman. You refuse
to acknowledge my challenge. Then
take that and that"
Suiting action to the word, Mulqueen
is said to have lunged for Mr.. Budd in
Los Angeles herald., 1906-02-22
Empire Lingerie

The Empire styles have touched
French underclothes, too The corset
cover or chemise and drawers are made
in one, with beautiful beading and rib
bon defining the waist line.
Los Angeles herald., 1906-02-22
HERALD'S PATTERNS

Different patterns every day. Up-to-
date styles.
Special NOtice--These patterns can be
delivered by mail within three dayE
after the order IL received by The
Herald.
Los Angeles herald., 1906-02-22

The Herald will sell you Ss5 worth OF
records and GIVE you a six months
subscription TO The Herald and s25
Talk-o-Phone absolutely free.
Los Angeles herald., 1906-02-22

A paper pattern OF this garment can
and directing 1t to The Herald's pat
tern department. 1t Will be sent post
paid. within three days. on receipt OF
Los Angeles herald., 1906-02-22
Conductor Puts Quietus

81 told him that could ride as long
as I wanted to and that I didn't have
to jump off because he said so. Then
he hit me and knocked me down and
that was the last L remember until
recovered consciousness at my home"
Welch is over so years of age and
has lived in California many years.
He says he has never been in trouble
before and that no criticism could be
applied to him under the circum-
stances
Los Angeles herald., 1906-02-22
English Embroidery

English embroidery Is set in some
Of the most exquisite French dresses
as the chief feature of a medallion,
like the gem in a rlng-a good proof
that we shall have at least one more
season of it.
Los Angeles herald., 1906-02-22
For the Housekeeper

For maple cousse, pint of cream, a
cupful of maple syrup and four eggs
are needed. Beat the yolks of the eggs
and stir them into the cold syrup.
Then beat the mixture, stirring all the
time until it is thickened. Cool it and
fold in the stiffiy beaten whites of the
eggs and the cream whipped stiff and
dry. Freeze without stirring.
Los Angeles herald., 1906-02-22
Wisdom's Whispers

The only time woman will acknowl-
edge to being 80 is when she is As.
A woman who says mean things
about other women will cry when given
like treatment.
Tell a man he shows ability and he
wonders if it is really a fact.
Women never stop to realize the
meaning of the compliments paid them.
Los Angeles herald., 1906-02-22
Short Dinner Gowns

In connection with dining room cos
tunes is noticeable a sudden craze
for short dresses. Whether this style
will endure remains to be seen. Some
dressmakers have declared it all a fad
that will never reach farther than New
York and advised their patrons against
it. Others declare fashion has decreed
that the short dining room skirt has
come to stay and that it will get still
shorter before long. The short skirt,
however. is in direct opposition to the
styles set by Paris and New York S
rebellion against the commands of
Partisan modistes is rather sensa-
| tional event.
Los Angeles herald., 1906-02-22
Fighting Bird Slaughter

Lovers of bird life are working these
days fighting what seemed when they
began it hopeless battle-that against
the usage by fashionable women of
birds and wings and plumes in their
hats. Not only was the slaughter of
song birds made a great cause of the
quarrel, but of birds of bright plumage
as well; in fact those of every sort
which were needlessly sacrificed for
their plumage
Los Angeles herald., 1906-02-22
Women'S Pretty Dress
OxfOrdS $l.S5

Bright Patent E&id-NObby styles
Regular Values Up to $500
Women's fine dress oxfords made of bright
patent kid; Bluchers and ribbon tie effects
plain toe shapes; light hand-turned soles
French and Cuban heels; styles that are
practical for street and dress wear; regu-
lar values range to $500. On special sale
today, shoe department, main floor, the
pair, $1.S5.
Los Angeles herald., 1906-02-22

an expert fashion, but that gentleman
ducked under the others uncertain
guard and went back to his room.
Los Angeles herald., 1906-02-22
For Street or House Wear
Well Worth S1.5O

made of soft kid: common sense lasts;
plain, comfortable toe shapes; low, fiat
leels; flexible hand turned soes; styles
suitable for street or house wear; eXcep-
tional values at $1.50. Specially priced for
todays selling in the shoe department,
main floor, rear of aisle s, the pair, csc.
Mexico Missouri message. (Mexico, Audrain County, Mo.) 1899-1918, 1906-04-12
ADJOINING AUDRAIN.

MONROE. The Paris telephone
exchange and the entire Buffum
telephone systm passed into the
hands of the Bell telephone com.
pany. The Paris exchange went
in at S13, 900.
At the school election in Paris
the proposition to levy 60 cents for
school purposes and bond the dis
trict for 500, 900 for the reconstruc.
tiOn of the school building carried
by majority of 3 to l.
Rev. M. L. Bib, well remem-
bered in Audraiu chunty, second
ed by Doe White cotton and Geo.
M. Brown, is circulating a petit
tion for a local option by an
overwhelming vote but in recent
months, it is SAID, there has been
a great change of sentiment
against saloons in the county.
Mexico Missouri message. (Mexico, Audrain County, Mo.) 1899-1918, 1906-04-12
VENICE.

The roads are better and it is
time to SOW oats.
Our sick are all improving.
W. II. Coil sold his fine mare
to Frank Meyerpeter.
Miss Russie Douglass is teaching
the spring school, at Black, near
Laddonia.
7. W. Stuart made a business
trip to Me xico Monday.
Edward Cowley and wife and
child, the former a brother of
Henry Cowley of near Venice,
were killed in the Denver wreck.
They were on their way to Oregon
to reside.
Mexico Missouri message. (Mexico, Audrain County, Mo.) 1899-1918, 1906-04-12
Our Darky Friends.

Our Darky Friends.
A kind-hearted man heard of a
negro family in distress. He called
on the family and found the report
true. He gave the eldest boy a
dollar to get a chicken. When he
was gone the mother said to her
son: 'SambO, you done glib me
dat dollar. and go get dat chicken
in de natu'l way"
The Erie Record Record tells of
an old darky in Neosho county
who was loudly lamenting the death
of his wife. He was approached
by one of the brethren who wished
to console him. "Ne'r min T.,
Brer Johnsing" he said, of
cou'se yO' all feels mighty bad;
Mrs. Johnsing was mighty good
oman, but yo' all en- git anudder
one JUS as goodi now, Sal Simp-
kIns is wantin' to git mahied
mighty bad" mo, she dom -
replied the bereaved. "foh l done
ash huh las night"
S. s. Breese Stevens, the lecture
manager, tells of an old colOred
minister whom he heard preach in
Richmond, Va. not long ago.
1t seems" says Mr.. Stephens,
that the church treasury was
represented by a deficit. and on
this occasion the worthy colored
clergyman's discourse was directed
toward urging his congregation tC
make their contributions a bill
more liberal. His remarks, il
part, were something like this:
Now, dis heah chu'ch needs jes
three things, an dey all begins
wild C." Dey's grace, grit ani
greenbacks. De good Lawd sends
us grace; Use got de grit, and yo'
my brudderss hes got ter rnstl'
'round fO' de Rreenbacks. !"