Daily Kennebec journal. [microfilm reel] (Augusta, Me.) 1870-1975, 1906-02-05
Specially Jim.

MlS&~.
| Specially Jim. E
wus mighty good lookin' when / wa,
Peert an black-eyed an slim.
With fellers a-courtin' me Sunday nights
Specially Jim.
| The likeliest one of 'em all wus he
| Clipper an hanson an trim:
| But l tossed up my head an made fun q.
the crowd,
Specially Jim.
I said hadn't no 'pinion O. men.
An 1 wouldn't take stock in himi
But they KEEP on a-comin' in spite o my
Specially Jim.
I got SO tired O. havin' 'em roun'
Especially JimD
| made up my mind I'd settle down
| An take up with him.
So we wus married one Sunday in church.
Twas crowded full to the brim:
| Twas the only way to git rid of 'em all.
Specially Jim.
Selected.
| John. W. Ransome of "The Isle of
| Bong Bong" can tell as good stories
off the stage as on. Here is one of his
products:
A young man in a straw hat was
wheeling baby. carriage backward
| and forward along the pavement in
| front II his home. The hot afternoon
sun poured down upon him and he was
| angry as anyFman in the city.
My dear"' came a voice from the
| upper window of the house.
You go to thunder!" he shrieked
back. Let me alone, can't your" and
| he went on wheeling and hopping his
| face.
An hour later the same voice came
| in earnest, pleading tones: George,
dear!"
We'll, what do you want?" he
shouted. Have the water pipes
BURST"
No, George, dear!" walled the voice.
THE water pipes are all right, but
you've been wheeling Lottie's doll all
the afternoon Hadn't you better let
baby have a turn now"
The eldedly lady who was looking
through the shop of a dealer in knick-
nacks picked up a small handbag.
Are you sure she inquired, that
this is real crocodile skim"
Absolutely certain, madam" replied
the dealer; Il shot the crocodile my
self"
D.rIt looks rather soiied," observed the
customer.
Naturally, madam explained the
salesman, that is where it struck the
ground when it tumbled off the tree"
|-Harper's Weekly.
n,,a 4 1la
on the main street. The conductor
went to nearby office and telephoned
for the work gang. When he returned
to the scene of the accident he saw
that the passengers We're on one side
of the track, with the exception of one
lady. who seemed TO be afraid to cross
the rails.
When the conductor drew near she
asked. in a timid voice: Would 1 get
a shock if put my foot on that rail?'
pointing to the nearest one.
NO, madam" answered the conduc-
tor. politely. Not unless you put
your other foot on the trolley wire"
Gregory E. Owens, a food inspector
of Manchester, had an odd experience
the other day.
He was examining the meat in
small butcher shop in a back street
The greater part of the meat was fair
ly good. hut there gwassop lot >pf: pork
and beef that was rather .squestion-
able.
The butcher stood outside with
customer. The inspector called him in.
Lock here; he said. what is your
opinion of this meat here2"
The butcher looked it over.
Il had forgotten all about that" he
said. ut is pretty old stock"
We'll. what is your opinion of ito
MY opinion said the butcher slow
~. lis that it is unfit for human food;
but it might do for sausage"
One of Tim Murphy's latest stories
deals with a gentleman who was walk
ing up the stairs Of certain estab-
lishment just behind prepossessing
young lady. A little way behind the
gentleman followed another member of
the stronger sex. evidently not
supremacy light-hearted. Suddenly
the lady came to a standstill. and the
first gentleman. unable to stop him
self in time. trod heavily upon the fair
damsers dress. In a frenzy of indig-
nation she wheeled round upon the
unfortunate young man and cried,
You clumsy brute!" Then quickly
realizing that the gentleman was an
utter stranger, she said quite sweetiy.
on. l am so sorry. thought it was
my husband"
The principality of Montenegro is the
only country in Europe which4possesses
no railways whatsoever.