Ceredo advance. [volume] (Ceredo, W. Va.) 1885-1939, 1906-06-06
Written for the CEeeDo ApvANcE.1
Uncle Zeke Before the "iau.seed
(Iub."

Brethren II have finished my lectur.
ing tour, withits many strange incidents
and its ups and downs. liz was excitiuglv
pleasant and fairly profitable. L Mt last
nave found the place that fits me.
Strange indeed that man lives sixty
nVe years before he finds out what he is
mt Tor. i had tried nearly everything
and always made glorious failure.
Betore starting on my lecturing tours I
had my misgivings; L dreaded that aw-
ful "stage-fright" so often experienced.
put my family physician prescribed n
preventative which proved an elixir to
me, ana recommended ( to my brother
lecturer. Here 10 is: Put seven cloves.
seven pieceso of cinnamon bark and seven
ounces of rock-candy in a half gallon of
mean whisky (buy tne WHISKY nc Hun
Llngton and you will be sure to get the
right kindJ with half pint on the in
'ide OF you, and you can face an audience
without trenor can look with delight
at five hundred ladies hats with n bean
tlful flce under each. My polite man
lger Mr. Tobias Gum, used the same
Jonlc and speaks IN the highest praise of
IL. Heays 1t was great help To him in
making change at the ticket Office. 1T
we're TO lecture hundred years would
certainly retain Tobias" as my man
ager. He can be mt two different places
AT same time, which you know is a
phlIOsophl2 paradox. He is 40 polite, a
complete lady's man, entertaining to a
dot, real handsome and reliable at all
times
Well, brethren, my leading subject
How TO Become Millionaire, +" was a
sure hit" IL drew a house with no
standing room 10 seemed TO fascinate all
grades and conditions of society from the
nod carrier up t. the millionaire. It
shows the trend of the drift OF cur pras-
ent civilization. Every one went home
with a full determination TO he a million.
are Brethren, how strange that people
Will pay more money to hear such ''stufY,1
when common sense ought TO teach ma
that only one out Of hundred Thousand
may become millionaire. But the bulk
or our happiness is what we expect 70
Oe. 30 you can do good to mankind bv
sending back word sit is so much better.
farther on" aud that puts new life in
the poor fellow as he trudges ON in Iife'a
Journey. Strange that my subject can
Honest Man Is the Noblest Work Of Ciod1
did not hit" the crowd did not nav
motel fare or buy stage fright tonic. y
IL may be the word HoNRsT had aonoa-
thing TO do with keeping people away
from the lecture. But this eubdect
brought them IN by fiocks MAN is Fear
fully Wonderfully and Rascally Made -
Quotation from David, but David Jeft
ont the word "rascally' for reaeons foss
known 70 himself. David was a politi.
clan. He knew IL would tramp on hia
constituents toes and left it to this ACE
OF autos, trolley cars, wireless teieQraphv
and foot ball education 70 supply the
word which is easily deduced from the
other two adverbs. Brethern. i vaa
bothered TO know why people wanted 10
hesr why they were rascaIly made. 40
came 70 tins conclusion Man has ever
offered an excuse and this was a good
one. He was divinely made so and 40
and could not help it and it is cOnsoling
TO know that II oan't help il. .Is it
my fault that / am JeOnrey's sOn?D so
there you are, you can't change a leon
ara OF his spots. Man likes an excusa
Tor his mistakes. don't expect TO re-.
form the world, but am going to reach
for my slice Of the cake as il goes nv
Brethren, want 70 be at all v0nr reg
uiar meetings. have quit politics, it Is
80 discouraging It makes a man gloomy.
despondent and even desperate and By
and by i'm that condition ne is liable 10
walk right TO the polls and vote the
Democratic ticket straight Brother
JanitOr you may pass the stage e-fright
tonic" and we will adjourn until our next
regular meeting.
RAsTUs HfCK,
Sec'y Hay Seed Club.