The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1906-02-23
SECRET OF SAM
JONES' POWER
SAID TO BE THE ..WITTIEsT ORA
TOR SINCE INGERsoLL.''
While He Descends to Vulgarity at
Times He Always Has the Crowd
with Hin1-some Service Remarks
About Church Members to
Young Ladies.


Young Ladies.
%Alva O. Reser in Indianapolis News.
Since the death Of Ingersoll, Sam
Jones. is easily the wittiest man on the
upon the stage and sits down, waiting
to be introduced, he is generally the
| most insignificant looking man present.
He looks something like well-to-do
/ farmer taking day off, or store
| Keeper from a small town, or a coun-
try postmaster. ~ H
Jones is not exactly an orator, but he
knows how to express, himself in a way
| that catches an audience. He is re-
freshingly original. At times he de-
sends to vulgarity, and he ought not
to do that, because it, weakens his
good: At times he uses to lofty heights
While his lectures seem to be extern
poraneous,, yet every sentence is care
fully studied. l have reported him a
word for word, stories and all, an ex-
act repetition of the same address
wherever he gives it.
Mr.. Jones often stops in the middle
Of his discourse, and says: "Y9u don't
do you9'' This always provokes a
laugh; and then he adds: 81 don It al
ways stick to my subject, but always
stick to my crowd ~,
After Mr.. Jones had delivered one
of his addresses at Vincennes last sum-
fessor from down. east, and this profess
sor announced in loud tones: eve have
had Sam Jones, and some fun, and now
we will have some. thought, and those
who have come for fun had better
suSence g6%e h tbpSsS t to ufh Gs
there was more philosophy, more learn
ing and thousand times more origin
atty in what Jones said than in what
the professor said.
Sam Jones Philosopher.
! A scientist once said to Jones: "Ev:
erything can be explained by science. "
"Well," said Jones, tell me the com
; ponent parts Of that egg.' The sci
enlist told him how many parts were
lime, how many parts were magnesla,
on. Finally Sam said: Are you
thruq'' ~"Yes," said the scientist.
"No,' said Jones, "there is something
in that egg that you have not discov-
ered' mWhat j? itf' . s2id the Sa seieR T.
told t1; me the gender !, Of the egg; viii be
J a rooster, or hens .,., >.~l =.
I give the following as fair sample
"'The Older I grow, the more I care
for facts, and the less I = care, about
theories I used to love to sit down and
} read articles on agriculture;. but l
I! them today. But love to walk with
good old farmer thru the magnificent
= growing crops, look at the fat cattle,
horses and hogs; AMI see his full gran
J aries. There is something charming
about that to me: I always did de-
! ways did love religion and flowers. !
= don't want a doctor to sit: down and
talk hygiene and anatomy and physi-
y ology to me. Let him take me- out to
the cemetery and show me what he has
J done. Naughter.) <.~~, -
q "I never ask fellow what church
n he belongs to-, or how he was baptized.
y band to your wife, and a good father
u to your children and a good citizen in
J the community9 Do you pay your
& debts, and do you live right?', IF he
u says YES / give him my hand; if he
= says No. give him my foot. (Laugh-
y ter and applause.) >~ss*
y Men Rather than Parties.
< 81. want to say to you I 20 a thou
= sand times more on. men than on
Il party. (Applause.) I do not care what
~ your platform of principles is, if there
u is a dirty rascal proposed for office
and he gets there, he will run things
X like dirty rascal; and if he is a clean
u man he will run things right, in spite
- of the platform. What a fellow won 4
K do in politics can not be named.
~ ttFrequently when I walk down the
" aisles of church I say to myself
y Tread softly, old fellow; you art
- among the dead.' The devil can run ;
II mile while the church is pulling it
w boots on. do not know whether yo7
" have more churches in this town thai
y this town I would go in with the sa
TX looms every time. They have a get-ur
W and-get about them. eYou dear old dea
u cons and elders and stewards have 90
~ where you amt worth nothing. 70
/1 have just sat down and done nothin
- so long that the only peculiar thin
~ about you is, when you do get up an
W walk off, the seat Of your breeche
III looks like map of the United States
~ (Laughter.) '.'
"a Practical Gospel Needed.
50 t:The greatest fault Of our day
ON that we put gold above God, and cha
IN tells above character, and mammo
~ above manhood. We have an overpr
Il uuCClOu VI CFC1 y IuIAAS LII CAAAo ~ =
So except men. We have run short {
81 men, and yet there are married wome
]N here who think they have great me
IN for husbands, when they have got 7
SW. men at adjust got pair of O.
~ brooches waddlingy around. daughter
"a The greatest thing in this world t
. day is a royal splendid man. One roy
ON splendid man will give America mo
IN character, and make it go farther dow
~ in history than all the cotton that W
~ ever raised in the south, or all the ca
- tie and hogs that were ever raised
~ the west, or all the manufactured pr
AR ducts Of the east. We have, run sho
YIN on men,. - -. u.
SN ..The Finest Girl in Indiana
~ "The finest girl in Indiana is the e
~ that makes her mother her sweethea
NJ and loves her mother better than S
w does all the world. Girls, the bt
"a friend you have on earth is your MOI
NS er. Girls, get move on you and
VIZ somebody. So many girls Just want
>SM be pretty little things. They let tn
NJ mother scrub and wash, while they st
S}N tab nf THAR p0111n1t