The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1906-02-05
THE MEN WHO
SPOIL GOOD STORIES
cNew York Press.l


Charming Pollock says that if he
ever goes to the legislature the first
bill he introduces will be for the sup
preston of men who spoil good stories
by putting IN" with questions tnat
are what the lawyers call "mcoInpe-
tent, irrelevant and immateriaI.
1--WE lust had a seance with Mr..
Butter" said Pollock the other day,
land if I hadn't left just when L did
there might have been trouble.
Butter is a dear friend, whose only
fault is the butt in habit. He doesn't
do it intentionally-he simply can
help it, but he has spoiled more good
stories than a dozen train wrecks when
the drummers have foregathered in the
smoker.
ST was all primed with the latest
story out and 1t was a corker. There
was a little gathering of us down in
Toms place. and when a favorable
opportunity presented itself, I pre-
pared to launch it. This is how 1 sue
ceeded:
{" Heard a good one on Branscombe
today I began by way of introduce
ton. He was on his way up here
and
what Branscombe is that?' asked
the Butter.
BILLY Branscombe. He had just
got on the train
do you know If he's from the
south?' asked Butter.
No, I couldn't say. Well, he was
just about to sit down when the con-
'ductor@
There was a family of Brans-
combes lived near me down in Vir-
ginia,' said the Butter solemnly. 1
think one of the boys was named Bill
ly Do you know how he spells his
name?'
mo, and I don't care I snapped
We'll, Branscombe had just taken his
seat when the conductor came along
and said
These Branscombes I speak of
| came up north and for some reason
dropped "b" from their name con-
tinued Butter. Z thought perhaps the
one you speak of might be of the same
| bunch. That's why I asked about the
| spelling
'"The boys were nearly choked with
suppressed laughter at my discOmf-
tUre by this time, and one or two left
the crowd to discuss other matters. I
felt desperate and started in again.
Wei, the conductor, he said 70
Branscombe. This isn't your train,
sir, we only go to Crofton" But Billy
had seen a mighty pretty girl
Must have been the same Billy
! BranScOmDe,' put in Butter. He al
ways was a great fellow after the
/ girls. I remember on one occasion
Here two more Of the party left and
my audience had dwindled down to
three. But I was determined to tell
that story, so I resumed:
" Well, the sight Of the pretty face
decided him and Billy, looking at his
ticket, said with assumed surprise:
Why. I wanted to go to Crofton. The
! ticket agent must have made a mis-
take. L
What CrOfton is that? Mississippi
or Arkansas? interpolated Butter
And before I could answer he driveled
on 'Crofton, Miss, is a swagger sort
! of place, while the Arkansas Crofton
1 IS little better than a swamp. There
was man who came from Crofton
Ark
by a strong effort kept my hands
/ in my pockets and watched another
auditor fade away, and ignoring the
interruption continued hastily:
so Billy paid a second fare and a
nice little sum it cost him, for Crofton
was a good distance away
Where did he get on the train?
asked Butter mildly. They don't
charge much on those southern trains
l remember once I was going from
Human endurance was not equal to
It, The remaining two auditors left
and it was UP to me to either insult
my friend or disappear also. I chose
the latter course and here I am"
But what was the story, Pollock ?''
inquired the man to whom the pIay-
wright told his woes.
"I'n tell you when I get cooled
down." he renlied