Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1906-09-22
DON'T LOSE ANYTHING

1.-THE trouble about the great majority of
these croaky individuals who make these
fancy cracks about the 'slowness' OF WASH
ington." observed the sQuare-jawed man
who has been around a lot himself. 'is that
they've got the idea that the most to be
got out of the game Of life is to sit around
a table somewhere where bum Hungarian
orchestra il dulcimering and make rings
on II with the bottom OF glass. That's
their idea. mean to say. broadly speaking
They don't put 1t in that way. but that's
about what they mean.
when they say that there's no place to
go in Washington. what else do they mean
but that Washington Is deficient In hail.
eateries and half-rummeries where the
walters give you your change out OF their
apron pockets. where soused automoDhe
statesmen are sending in dollar notes to the
orchestra leader to have him play request
music where all the bunch. men and Wom-
en-, sing Rooneyish songs at late hour OF
the night, and where the night-liners are
waiting outside with their clans all mani.
cured for the gouging they've got IN mind
Reduced to what they mean, SON. Snow
Washington means that the washington
folks, taking them In bulk. know pretty
well how to behave themselves. They We
got some other idea about tie meaning OF
existence than this thing of starting on
RED to some place where the yiollns moan
the rummiferous chords. and where the
zpp-zing of the xylophone searches out
the soulful poesy in the remotest peihs VI
the faced shoe clerk. .
by and large. the rathskellar HE ism
the Washington life. There is some OF 1t.
and you know where TO go to get II; Out
there isn't enough of it to suit the bunch
who grin their chessy grins every time
little old Washington is mentioned ana
exude their foolish little acrid observa-
lions about the 'slowness' OF this man 8
town.
Fact of the matter Is. when Washington
folks go away from here and get inter-
twined and mixed up with the supposed
to be real hectic gag that has 10 10 WITH
lot of real devilish lateness IN GOWN
stairs grill rooms and frogs legs and cork
poppings and all that sort OF thing, they
honest-Injun become not only some, put
whole lot tired.
1.-The people who take them around to
show them that kind of thing crack
ecstatic smiles. and they say. This must
seem like the real old kazuzza thing, Ell.
pal. after the simple village lie you ,d lead
Hollow called the capital Of the nation
down by the Potomac
But dunno. l never see any Washing
ton folks going through the rathskellar
thing elsewhere acting as If they're lot
surprised, or even pleased. or anything like
that. They just let the natives OF the else
where places string 'emselves along into
the DeIeI tHdC luey dIS AdNihh an Minus
Of spank ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS dissipated
time and they yawn quite good deal,
and they don't act like rubes at their first
circus one little teenchy bit.
Not, little man, that you are to sup
pose that the Washington persons thus be-
ing taken around elsewhere are not up to
the game. No. no, no. Not that. But,
after living in Washington for few years
they sort O get into the notion Of bel1eV-
ing that there really is something else In
life more worth while than the Dutch-lunch
lunch-in-a-flat and let's-go-to-Jacks thing:
They become injured to their 'slowness,
II you'd like to have it put that way They
just don't want the street cars to whizz
along so fast as they do in Chicago or ST.
Louis or Detroit or Cleveland. They'd as
leave have the cars go about as they do go,
because they go fast enough.
They don't banker to see the crowds
teeming all the time. There's plenty OF
fun to be had on the street when you're
not teeming. You can Just walk along and
If there isn't so much teem!ng here as there
Is in New York or Chicago. what's the diff
ference? Let 'em TEEN If they want to.
Maybe teeming gets EN- something 1t
doesn't us. or we'd TEEN.
We're not laundering for the blare of
beer hall brass nor the hum of the hof-
brauhaus harp. We sort O. flag all blares
and huns down this way.
little Washington. even IL they don't have
swiss cheese sandwiches and pilsner at
all of 'em-places where you can enjoy
the fragrance of flowers in lieu OF the fumes
OF rum. and study a classic column of the
Corinthian or Ionic or Doric style. say.
instead of listening to the bears-greased
Dago who presides over the first fiddle
play a czarda that sounds like four bad
cocktails coursing insanely through your
system.
'Ye-eh. we may be some shy on nickel
in-the-slot machines in groggeries where
they show you things that would convert
Anthony ComstOck into wood pulp in one
eighth of a minute. but there are some
cOmpensations even, for that kind Of slow
ness. We haven't got many of 'em here
that want machines like that. and that's
one kind of compensation. isn't It?
1.-THE SOW life isn't so bad when 1t comes
to all that. It's pretty good to jog along
day by day. going the same even gait. and
keeping all of those hum things and blare
ideas out Of your conk. If they've ever
taken careful notice of the finish of the
folks that fall for the hum stuff in the
places where that kind Of a game goes
you'll have observed that when it's all over
they haven't got much more than a bad
taste In their mouth. and never heard that
you could hook that for anything any
where. / hope it'll be a real long time be-
fore little old Washington deserves to be
classed with the hotfoot burgs and gets
out Of the slow gait. And every time I
hear one of these fat-lids nudge in his
little knock about the slowness Of WASH
1ngton l can see a mental picture Of the
kind of fool game he likes. and I am real