davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The comet. (Johnson City, Tenn.) 1884-1916, 1906-08-16

Scene, on board ship First passen-
ger-Excuse me, but can you tell me
whose berth this is9
Second I, Gan Irishman suffering from
seasicknessl BE iabbers | don't know
whose berth it is, but ! know whose
death it will be in a minute. Weekly
Telegraph.
The comet. (Johnson City, Tenn.) 1884-1916, 1906-08-16

A horse attached to dray walked the
other day through the plate glass win
dow of Diapers shop at Loughboro
and lay down among the articles OF
view. 1t is supposed that he was con
templating going into double harness
and was looking for bride veil. :
London Tribune.
The comet. (Johnson City, Tenn.) 1884-1916, 1906-08-16

"Miss Anteek offered to sell kisses in
the bazaar for the relief fund" Odd
she sell any?" "No; they told her af-
terward her price was too high. "What
did she charger" "Why, she finally
brought the price down to threefor a
MCKEE"
The comet. (Johnson City, Tenn.) 1884-1916, 1906-08-16

The New York Independent thinks
that anything may happen in a country
(England) where, among other things,
"ducheses buy the votes of working.
men with kisses" Compared with the
prices paid for them in American cleo
tons, certainly votes are got rather
cheaply in this country.
The comet. (Johnson City, Tenn.) 1884-1916, 1906-08-16

Teacher What is the meaning of the
word "pulverized?"
Pupil-Powdered.
Teacher Right. Usoit in u sentence.
Pupil-You pulverized your face.
The comet. (Johnson City, Tenn.) 1884-1916, 1906-08-16
In Self Defense

Maj. Hamm, editor and manager of the
Constitutionalist, Eminence, KY, when
he was fiercely attacked four years age
by piles, bought a box Of Bucklen's Ar.
MICA Salve, of which he says, "It cured
me in ten days and no trouble since. y
Quickest healer of burns, sores, cuts,
and wounds. rs cents at FL. @. Miller's
drug store.
The comet. (Johnson City, Tenn.) 1884-1916, 1906-08-16

Explain" said the teacher to the
class, "the difference between the
quick and the dead" "Please, sir, y
answered Johnnie, "the quick is them
as gets out Of the way of motor cars,
and the dead is them as doesn't. Tit
Rite
The comet. (Johnson City, Tenn.) 1884-1916, 1906-08-16
A Mystery Solved.

g How to keep off periodic attacks OF
biliousness and habitual constipation
was mystery that DR.. Kings New
Life Pills solved for me, !" writes John
N. Pleasant, of Magnolia, Ind. The
only pills that are guaranteed to give
perfect satifaction tp everybody or mo.
ney refunded. Only 25 cents at Fl. @.
Miller's drug store.
The comet. (Johnson City, Tenn.) 1884-1916, 1906-08-16

Get Scent box of Laxets at our
store, please. We think they are great.
just test these toothsome, candy like
Laxative Tablets for constipation, sour
stomach, biliousness, bad breath, mud
dy complexion, etc. Risk 8 cents and
see. All dealers.
The comet. (Johnson City, Tenn.) 1884-1916, 1906-08-16

"Five pounds! Is that all the squire
is giving to the church fund.-" "That's
all, I hear" Why, he ought to have
given fifty" "Ah, I expect he forgot
the ought. Pick Me-Up.
The comet. (Johnson City, Tenn.) 1884-1916, 1906-08-16

Most actors" remarked the talka-
tive boarder, seem to think they can
get too far front on the billboard. .
Yes" interrupted Mrs. Starvem.
Quite unlike some other people who
believe they can't get too far back on
the board bill "-Philadelphia Ledger.
The comet. (Johnson City, Tenn.) 1884-1916, 1906-08-16

Ma Twaddles-Does the story turn
out happily?
Pa Twaddles-I haven't any idea.
MAI. Why, haven't you finished it ?
Pa T.-Yes, but it ends when the
principal characters get married.
The comet. (Johnson City, Tenn.) 1884-1916, 1906-08-16

Phyllis-George, dear, / don't see
why you should like me so much better
because Tn changeable.
George-Why, darling, every time
kiss you it's like kissing another girl.
Sketch,
The comet. (Johnson City, Tenn.) 1884-1916, 1906-08-16

eyes, doctor, one of Wille's eyes
seems ever so much stronger than the
other, How do you account for itY"
"Knothole in the baseball fence, most
likely. madam.
The comet. (Johnson City, Tenn.) 1884-1916, 1906-08-16

Regular Boarder How many more
times am l going to see this same piece
of pie?
Waiter-Dunno, sir. The boss told
me to keep giving it to you till you ct
it.-Detroit Free Press.
The comet. (Johnson City, Tenn.) 1884-1916, 1906-08-16

"You say the man is liar. Can you
prove it?" "Well, I can prove that he
was member of the senate when the
railroad rate bill was under discussion. -
The comet. (Johnson City, Tenn.) 1884-1916, 1906-08-16

First Burglar-Did Bill git muchiou
nv dat last burglary?
Second Burglar No. He got SO lit
tie dat his lawyer advised him ter plead
guilty. Judge.
The comet. (Johnson City, Tenn.) 1884-1916, 1906-08-16
A Certain Cure for Aching Feet

Aliens Foot-Ease, a powder, cures
tired, aching, sweating, swollen feet,
Sample sent free, also sample OF Foot.
Ease Sanitary Corn Pad, new inven-
ton. Address, Allen s. Olmsted, LIE
Roy, N. Y. 4S-4t
The comet. (Johnson City, Tenn.) 1884-1916, 1906-08-16

"What / regard as most conspicuous
about Geo. Grayson, said Mrs. Old
castle, sis her naivete." eyes, repli-
ed her hostess, 81 wonder what made
her get red one?"
The comet. (Johnson City, Tenn.) 1884-1916, 1906-08-16

Mamma-Why, Jimmy, you are get
ting awfully tanned going to school.
You should keep out of the sun.
Jimmy-Tain't the sun - it's the
teacher.
The comet. (Johnson City, Tenn.) 1884-1916, 1906-08-16
Mother Gray's Sweet Powders for childrs,

Successfully used by Mother Gray,
nurse in the Children's Home in New
York. cure feverishness, bad stomach,
teething disorders, move and regulate
the bowels and destroy worms. Over
10000 testimonials. They never fail.
At all druggists, 95 cents. Sample free
Address Allen s. Olmsted. Leroy, N. Y.
The comet. (Johnson City, Tenn.) 1884-1916, 1906-08-16

Hostess-Is the widow giving you
any encouragement?
He-'Pon my soul, / don't know; she
asked me If I snored, though. London
Opinion.
The comet. (Johnson City, Tenn.) 1884-1916, 1906-08-16

II suffered habitually from coustipa-
ton. Doan's Regulets relieved and
strengthened the bowels, so that they
have been regular ever since. "A. Z.
Davis, grocer. Sulphur Springs, Texas
The comet. (Johnson City, Tenn.) 1884-1916, 1906-08-16

- Feel laueuid, weak, rundown? Head
ache? Stomach ''off" ?-iust q plain
case of lazy liver. Burdock Blood Bit.
ters tones liver and stomach, promotes
digestion, purifies the blood.
The comet. (Johnson City, Tenn.) 1884-1916, 1906-08-16

She-Oh, you needn't talk. You
can't say that ever ran after you
He-Very true, Maria The trap
never runs after the mouse, but it gath
ers him in all the same. Ally Stopper.
The comet. (Johnson City, Tenn.) 1884-1916, 1906-08-16
Z GU IN OOU
TUFTS Pills
Take No Substitute.

"Well, well, aud what did your faith
er whip you for, little boy ?" asked
the wise man, eur swimmin', guess, "
blubbered the urchin. "Whatl You
didn't go swimming this weather."
"No, / went skatin', but / wound up
swimmin'."
The comet. (Johnson City, Tenn.) 1884-1916, 1906-08-16

Squire Skinfint (from Yapington,
leaving dining room of smart city hotel)
Col darn the lynn newspapers any
way l often an often read tibet il yew
offered a New York waiter ten cents fer
a tip he'd throw it back at yew.
Mrs. Skinhint-It jest serves yew
right tibet tibet william kept the dime!
Thet's what comes nv tryin' tew make
big Teller outer yerselfl-Puck.
The kind The babies like, DR.. Fair
ney's feething Syrup Once used moth
ing else will take it's place. No norcot-
les in it, inlaug
Mrs. Muggins Since Mrs Newrich's
husband made all his money she has
the doctor continually.
Mrs. Buggins Yes, | hear she is suf-
fering from nervous prosperity. Phil
adelphia Record.
The comet. (Johnson City, Tenn.) 1884-1916, 1906-08-16

No. Pullman Sleeping cars Bristol to Chat
tanooga, Memphis and New Orleans and from
Chattanooga to Shreveport and Morristown
TO Mobile; also Chattanooga to Jack sonville,
and Atlanta to Brunswick. ana Charleston
ID Ing car BRISTOL o Alfalfa and Atlanta.
No. 35 carries Pullman Sleeping car Bristol to
Knoxville Knoxville to Memphis and Chatta-
nooga to Charleston.
No. II, Pullman Sleeping cars Morristown to
Chattanooga and Morrlstown to Memphis
The comet. (Johnson City, Tenn.) 1884-1916, 1906-08-16

Soothes itching skin, heals cuts OF
burns without scar, cures piles, ecze'
ma, salt rheum, any itching. Doan's
Ointment. Your druggist sells it.
The comet. (Johnson City, Tenn.) 1884-1916, 1906-08-16

For dry, cracked lips, or rough skin,
use DR.. Shops Green Salve. 1t posi-
lively makes lips aud skin like velvet.
Sold by all dealers.
The comet. (Johnson City, Tenn.) 1884-1916, 1906-08-16

He-I think modern dress reveals the
vanity of the human heart.
She-Oh, I never saw one so decol-
lete as that. -Tatler.
The comet. (Johnson City, Tenn.) 1884-1916, 1906-08-16

Summer complaint is a very danger
Gus disorder of babies. DR.. Fahrney' 3
Teething Syrup prevents and cures it.
The comet. (Johnson City, Tenn.) 1884-1916, 1906-08-16

Cheapest. accident insurance DIR.
Thomas Eclectric Oil Stops the pain
and heals the wound All druggists
sell it.
The comet. (Johnson City, Tenn.) 1884-1916, 1906-08-16

Mole. Pullman Drawing Roem Buffet Sleeping
ear Chattanooga to New York via Asheyille
and ha tanooYa to Ashtville
No. AZ Pullman Sleeping cars Chattanooga
to New York via Bristol. DINING car Chatta-
nonga to Il st Radord Va
No 30 carries Pullman Sleeping car Chatta-
noogA to Sail bury and salisbury to New York
and from Knoxville TO New York via Bristol
The comet. (Johnson City, Tenn.) 1884-1916, 1906-08-16
SOUTHERN RAILWAY.
Condensed Schedule in sHeo. June 10 1904

N. B,-Following schedule figures publ he'd
bnly as inform ton, and are not guarant Ell.
The comet. (Johnson City, Tenn.) 1884-1916, 1906-08-16

Nos III and l12, Pullman sleeping car be-
tween Asheytlle and Cincinnati Knoxville and
Louisville. Knoxville and Nashville,
Nos Is and IS Pullman sleeping RI between
Asheyille and Knoxville. BRISTOL and x knoxville,
Hartman Jet and Cincinnati, and Da VILE
and St Louis. Through coach between Knox
Vile and St Louis.
The comet. (Johnson City, Tenn.) 1884-1916, 1906-08-16

Nos II and II carry Pullman Sleeping Cars
between New York and Nashville via Ashevilie.
also between Richmond and Salisbury Norfolk
Nos. IS and 70 carry Pullman Sieepers be-
tween Chattanooga and Salisbury and Sails
bury and New York
The San Francisco call., 1906-06-03
GERMAN RfFLEMEN INVITED
TO THE MUNICH FESTIVAL

OAKLAND. June 2. Invitations
have been sent out through the Ger
man consulate TO the German riiemen
of California to take part in the great
triennial national shooting festival
which Will be held this year at Munich,
Germany, on July 10. This will be the
hfteenth contest at the targets in na-
tionsl competition, and the first to be
held in Munich for twenty-five years
In extending the invitation the Ger
man Consul, whose Offices are at 95s
Clay street, writes.
With greetings and outstretched
hands we invite you TO add by your
presence to the glory of our ancient
national festival, and to join us in
peaceful contest fer the palm of vic
tory.
As in the past. whenever you have
come to our shores, so this year you
may be sure 20 be received with enthu-
sfastic joy. as an evidence OF our ad-
miratiou for your great and enterpris-
ing country and of the faithful feelings
towarf you by which we are animated
Strengthen the ties of friendship
which have united us in the past and
let IL be known that not even the
ocean can ever sever those ties!
A happy journey and hearty well
come in Munich.
The San Francisco call., 1906-06-03
new WORLDS RECORD
MADE IN POLE VAULT
At CONF FEREHCE MEET

CHICAGO, June "A new worlds
record in the pole vault and the equal
ing of the best previous mark in the
Izo-yard hurdles marked the sixth an
nual meeting. of the intercollegiate
Conference Athletic Association, held
on Northwest Field at Evanston today.
The University of Michigan team, as
had been expected, took first honors.
scoring the overwhelming total of
624-5 points. the highest recorded in
the history of the association. The
University of Chicago was second and
Iowa state Normal third
Leroy Sar1se Of Indiana University,
by vaulting II feet inches, established
a new worlds record for the event. Car
rels of Michigan tied the 120-yard bur
die record of rs 1-5. and in addition
won first places in the 220-yard hurdles
and the discus throw and second in the
shot put. He scored Is points for his
school
F. Hamilton, an unheralded sprinter
from Iowa State Normal. won both the
dashes and landed his school in third
place. Summary:
1OO-yard dash, final heat-Harnilton,
Iowa Normal, first; Stewart. Michigan,
second; Merrill, Chicago. third Time
:101-5.
2ZU-yarQ 0aSn, QndI"f1dhlllJOH, IOWA
state Normal first. Time. % S-5.
44o-yard run. final-Merriam, Chi
cago. first: Waller. Wisconsin, second;
Rideout. wisconsin. third. Time. 80
sso-yard rgn-Ramey' Michigan nrst-
Mile run--Coe. Michigan, first; Ma
loney. Michigan, second; Werner. Per-
due. third. Time, 1870 3-5.
Two-mile run-Rowe Michigan, first;
Dull, Michigan, second; Jackson. Mis-
souri,, third. Time, 1000 l-5,
12G-yard hurdle. final heat,.Garrets,
Michigan first; HHodfsn: MinnesGts ssGta
Time, rs 1-5. Equals worlds record
220-yard hurdle raee-Garrets, Mich
igan, first; Waller, Wisconsln. second;
Relay race-Chicago Taylor. Barker.
Parkinson. Merriam), first; Iowa, sec
ond; wisconsin, third, Time. 1898 S-5-
tDoes not count in point table,
! first; distance 1876 feet II inch: Parry,
Chicago, second; Mesmer, Wisconsin,
! third.
Distance, AZ feet / 4 inches.
4 Hammer throw-Parry. Chica go.
\ first; Williamson. Chicago. second; Bur-
/ roughs, Illinois, third. Distance. 1856
feet u inch.
/ Broad jump-Heath. Michigan. first;
/ distance % feet ga inches: Kline. Illi-
nois, seconds Barber, Iowa state. third.
High jump-Schorme and Richards,
Chicago; Kirkpatrick, Illinois; Pincha.
/ Michigan, and Bacon, Beloit, tied for
! first place Height. ) feet 31z inches.
Pole vault-Samse, Indiana, first;
height, IL feet inches thew worlds
Greer. Illinois. third.
81 as; chicago. 20 as; Iowa, state Nor
diana. 5: Drake, 8; Missouri. 81 Beloit.
4-5; Purdue, Northwestern. Iowa
State, Miami, 1 each.
The San Francisco call., 1906-06-03
DE MUND LOSES
RICH STAKES
High Priced Younsster Beaten
by Sydney Pasets Horse,
Charles Edward.
Whitneys Perverse Leads Out
Belle Of Pequest in a
Drive.

NEW YORK, June 2.-Charles Ed
ward, big chestnut colt by Golden
Garter. carrying the colors of Sydney
Paget, complicated the already mixed
form of two-year-olds by defeating
the $4,000 De Mund and Superman
at the Belmont track today. He won
by length the $4,000 National Stall
lion Stakes. The success OF Charles
Edward was a big surprise to the ma
jority Of the $4,000 racegoers, as he
had previously started twice and met
defeat. running second each time.
He wore "bIinkers'' for the first
time. This badge of the rogue seemed
TO suit him, for he behaved well at
the post. ran straight and true. and
with long. sweeping strides fairly ran
over Superman and De Mund at the
end. Charles Edwards performance
was distinctly high class, as he ran
the five furlOngs in :5s 2-5 (two-ffths
of a second behind the track record).
with 122 pounds up.
Harry Payne Whitney's sturdy lit
tie three-year-old fiily Perverse won
the Ladies' Stakes race. after driv-
ing finish with Belle of Pequest.
2 Palmroom. the fve-year-old chest
nut mare which won a race at 80 to I
early in the week. was killed in the
steeplechase. She fell at the last hur-
die and her neck was broken. Heider.
her rider, was thrown with great force
and was picked up unconscious by the
track police. Under a PHYSICIANS care
he revived. The race was won BY
Herculoid by a length. Grandpa was
second. The time of the race was
Alb, which smashed the record for
the two-mile course by eleven seconds.
Summary:
First race, selling. seven furlongs--
Yazd won. Kings Gem second, Gentian
third. Time. 1927.
Second race. four and a half furlongs.
straight course-OFin won Bat Master
son second. Sewell third. Time. so.
Third race, the National Stakes, i've
furlongs. straight course-Charles Ed
ward won. Superman second, De
Mund third. Time. 80 20.
Fourth race. the Ladies' stakes, q
won. Belle OF Pequest
second. Edna Jackson third Time.
1 80 As.
Fifth race. the International SteepIs-
chase. about two miles-Hereuloid
won. Grandpa second, Dromedary
third Time. 4:13.
Sixth race. mile-Broadcloth won.
Won Tromp second. Kiamesha third
Time, 1888 20.
The San Francisco call., 1906-06-03
SIR HUoN WINS HANDILY.
Captures the Latonia Derby From Lady
Navarro, Pulled 10 a Walk.

CINCINNATI. June Although 10000
people cheered today when Sir Huon
won the Latonia Derby there was little
to enhtuse over. Two horses went
to the post in the rich event and 10
was virtually a walkOver for the win
ner. Lady Navarro. the other starter.
could not make Sir HuOn extend him
self and he won by hve lengths pulled
UP. The net value of the stake was
s5125 Results:
First race. a mile-St volna won,
Euiare second, Morendo third. Time,
1:41 As.
Second race. four and a half fur
longs-Avendow won. Miss Bertha sec
ond. Firalto third Time. ;55.
Third race, six furlongs-Robin
Hood won. Don Domo second, Miltiadss
third Time. 1:13 20.
Fourth race. LatOnia Derby, mile
and a half-Sir Huon 127 (Troxler), 1
to 8. won; Lady Navarro, 122 (Dugan).
13 to 5, second Two starters. Time.
2:5S4-5.
Fifth race. four and half furlongs
-Zal won, A1veston second. Berry man
third. Time. ;54 Is
Sixth race. mile-Harding won.
Adesso second. Mfnnehaha third Tins.
LAO 3-5.
Seventh race, mile and a sixteenth
Wexford won, Mamie Algol second.
Louise Mcfarland third. Time. 1:47 rs.
The San Francisco call., 1906-06-03
CLEVER BOXERS ENTERTAIN
MEN OF THE I4TH CAVALRY
Eddie Haalon, Jack Clancy, Kid Nc
Fadden AID Others Appear
In the Ring.

The members OF the Fourteenth Cav
airy encamped at Twenty fifth and Do
lores streets were given a great treat
recently in the form of an entertain
ment made up of boxing and singing.
The affair was arranged hastily BY
F. ]. O'Nein as a compliment to Chap
lain joyce, who is a great favorits
with the men. As II was held near the
homes of Spider Kelly and Eddie Han
lon it was proper the major part or
the programme should be boxing
A ring was hastily inprovised in the
center of Jersey street. and the spec
tators found coigns Of vantage on the
high ground from which TO view the
bouts Among the guests were Gen.
erals Greedy and Funston and many
other army officers.
The First Cavalry Band rendered So
lections throughout the afternoon. vo-
cal music was provided by Eddie No
Ian and Nat wentworth
The boxing was between Tom Nc
Carthy and Toby Irwin; Pete Malonsy
and John Mccarthy; Kid McFaddsn
and Willie Chambine7 Jack Clancy ana
Billie johnson, and Murphy and Cro-
gan
Corporal Eckert did some clever
juggling with swords.
The affair was voted a great success
BY the cavalrymen for whose benefit
ii was arranged.
The San Francisco call., 1906-06-03

home OF his brother, Henry Rodger.
May 81. fnterment Fort Bragg. 1ts
ROMARIE-In this city, June /. 1906.
Francisco Ronarie. native of
France. aged 80 years
SANDAL--In this city. June 2, 1905:
Mrs. Linda Sandal. beloved wife of
James Sandal. mother of Evelyn and
Margaret Sandal. and daughter of
Mrs. Grace Sampson, late of Grass
A years months and 10 days. Grass
Valley papers please copy)
Friends and acquaintances are re-
funeral services tomorrow (Monday).
June 4, at the corner of Seventeenth
and Shotweil streets. Interment
Mount Olivet Cemetery. s-2t-
SELBy-In Menlo Park. Cal. June l..
1905, Elena Atherton Selby, wife of
Percivai W Selby
Funeral services strictly pEIysss- p5yst.
sHERsT0oN;nIn HEP g this city city. May. May 81; y;
John A. Jr.. William r., Eva E.,
Harry T. and George G.. Shepston
and Mrs. F. w. Merrill. a native of
Friends are respectfully Invited. to
attend the funeral services today
Sunday. June 3, at 1870 O'Clock p. m.
at the family residence. 452 Bart
lett street Interfnent private. 2-2t
sIBLEY-In Haywards, Cal. May 81.
1906, Hattie B.. dearly beloved wife
of Levi B, Sibley, mother of Arthur.
Florence. Ivel. Amy and gertrude
and Mrs. c. B. Atkinson, aged 40
Friends and acquaintances are re
funeral services Sunday, June 8. at
1890 o'clock a. M. from her late
residence. 2T0 Dolores street, San
Francisco. 2-2t
SoRAHAN-fn this city. June 1, 1906.
Ia n
husband of Anna NJ sorahan. and
/. native of County Cavan, ireland,
aged so years
Friends and acquaintanees are re-
speetfqily invited to attend the
a. M. from the parlors of J. C. O'COn-
nor & Co, 1862 Fulton street, thence
to St. Charles Church. where a re
QUEEN mass will be celebrated for the
repose of his soul at a. m. Inter
ment Holy Cross Cemetery. 1t
SULLIvAN-In this city, June 1. 1906,
Dennis sullivan. brother of Thomas
the city of Cork. ireland, aged AZ
years.
FRIENDS and ae9uaintansesessa are re- re-
fpsera peeffas Sunday nyted al so a. p'sna % fro@ &s
the parlors of j. c. OConnor Co,
1862 Fulton street 1nterment Holy
Cross Cemetery. 2-2t
WILLEY-Entered into rest, in Berke-
ley. Cal. June 2. 1906, Martha n.
Wiley, beloved wife of Samuel II.
Wiley, a native of New Jersey.
Funeral services will be held Mon
day June A. at 1890 o'clock a. m.
at the First Congregational Church.
corner of Durant and Dana streets,
Berkeley. Please omit flowers. Inter
ment private. S-zt
CARD OF THANKS
The parents. sister and brothers OF
the late Joseph Myers wish to thank
their friends. acquaintances and fra
ternaI orders for their expression of
sympathy and coincidence. IT.
CARD OF THANKS.
We desire to express our sincere
gratitude to our friends and ac
duaintances for their kindness dur
ing our late bereavement.
MRS. CHR. PEDERSEN
1t and Family.