Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1906-05-22
TWAIN'S RULES OF LIFE.
Great Humorist Gets Off Some RicI
Thinas at Birthday Dinner.

Things at Birthday Dinner.
A few weeks ago Mark Twain cele-
brated his seventieth birthday, a
birthday dinner being given him at
Delmonico's in New York city.
The Oslerites ought to give this ad-
dress careful attention, for Twain has
done nothing finer than this effort on
reaching the age of three-score and
ten:
Seventy years ago I had my first
birthday, and even now whenever
think of It, it is with Indignation.
Everything was so crude, so unaes-
thetic. Nothing was really ready. /
was born. you know, with high and
delicate aesthetic taste. And then
think of It'll had no hair, no teeth,
no clothes. And had to go to my first
banquet like that
"And everybody came swarming in.
It was the merest little hamlet in the
backwoods of Missouri. where never
anything happened at all. All interest
centered In me that day. They came
with that peculiar provincial curiosity
to look me over and to see If I had
brought anything fresh in my partic-
ular line. Why, was the only thing
that bad happened in the last three
months-and I came very near being
the only thing that happened there in
two whole years.
''They gave their opinions. No one
had asked them, but they gave them,
and they were all just green with
prejudice. I stood it as long as-well,
you know, was born courteous. I
stood it for about an hour. Then the
worm turned. I was the worm. 1t
was my turn to turn, and I did turn.
/ knew the strength of my position.
/ knew I was the only spotless pure
person in that camp, and I just came
out and told them so.
"It was so true that they could make
no answer at all. They merely blushed
and went away. Well, that was my
cradle song, and now I am singing my
swan song 1t Is a far stretch from
that first birthday to this, the seven
tieth. Just think Oft!
"And 1 have achieved my seventy
years in the usual way, by sticking
strictly to a scheme of life which
would kill anybody else.
"As to habits, we have no perma-
nent habits until we are forty. Then
they begin to harden, presently they
petrify. and then business begins.
Since forty I have been regular about
going to bed and getting up-and that
Is one of the main things. 1 have
made IL a rule to go to bed when there
wasn't anybody left to sit up with;
and I have made it a rule to get up
when / have to. This has resulted In
an answering regularity or irregu-
larity.
'I have made 1t a rule never to
smoke more than one cigar at time.
l have no restrictions as regards
smoking. 1 do not know just when
began to smoke. 1 only know that 1t
was in my fathers lifetime and that
I was discreet He passed from this
life early in 1S4S, when I was a shade
past eleven; ever since then 1 have
smoked publicly. AS an example to
others, and not that l care for moder-
alton myself, it has always been my
rule never to smoke when asleep and
yrh
"As for drinking. / have no rule
about that When the others drink
like to help: otherwise I remain dry,
by habit and preference. This dry
ness does not hurt me, but it could
easily hurt you. because you are diff
ferent. You let 1t alone.
II have never taken any exercise
except sleeping and resting. and new
er intend to take any. Exercise Is
loathsome. And it cannot be of any
benefit when you are tired; l was al
ways tired.
I'm the matter Of diet-which is
another main thing-I have been per-
sistently strict in sticking to the things
which didn't agree with me until one
or the other got the best of 1t. Until
lately l got the best of it myself. But
last spring I quit frolicking with mince
pie after midnight; up to then l had
always believed 1t wasn't loaded. For
thirty years l have taken bread and
coffee at eight o'clock in the morning.
and no bite or sup until seven thirty
in the evening. Eleven hours! That
Is all right for me. Headache people
would not reach seventy comfortably
by that road. And l wish to urge Ip-
on YOU this-which I think Is wisdom
that If you can't make seventy by
any but an uncomfortable road, don't
YOU go. When they take off the Pull
man and retire you to the rancid
smoker, put on your things, count
your checks and get out at the first
way station where there's a cemetery.
To-day it is all sixty years since
began to smoke the limit. l have
never bought cigars with life-belts
around them. l early found that
those were too expensive for me.
have always bought cheap cigars
reasonably cheap at any rate. Sixty
years ago they cost me four dollars a
barrel, but my taste has improved
lately, and I pay seven dollars now.
| Six or seven. Seven, | think. Yes;
its seven. But that includes the bar
rel. I often have smoking parties at
my house, but the people that come
have always just taken the pledge. l
wonder why that is?"
A DYING GIRLS VIsI0N.-An unusu-
ally interesting instance of second
sight" is reported from Accrington,
Lancashire. a young woman on her
deathbed not only announced her
| fathers death. but described the spot
where his body lay. the fact OF her
fathers death not being known 10
anybody at the time. The man IN
question was Isaac Marsden. fifty
three years old. who lived I'm Steven
son street, AccringtOn. His daughter
twenty-five years old, had been vast
| ing away with consumption
| About week ago Mr.. Marsden dis
appeared from home under mysterl-
Gus circumstances-that is, no reason
was known for his going away and
nothing could be learned of his where
| abOutS.
Miss Marsden was deeply distressed
bv this event On Saturday she told