The Oakley eagle. [volume] (Oakley, Idaho) 1901-1908, 1906-10-11

w saiu IN tired voice, turn
lhs the letters aud kilograms over
Ns'iessly 1t ISM as though she had
Oe'eu he repeated, duly, opening
ana closing the small drawers. one by
one tie was searching for a photo
graph that she had kept on her desk
likeness taken in her early girl
MOOD long before he had met her.
AS he felt clumsily about among
the papers a letter fell out. He start
ga 10 replace it, but caught sight of
nus own name in the familiar writing
ana paused He opened it with trem-
bling fingers.
I did the best l could" he said,
slowly TO himself Il couldn't help
not caring. thought | could-at
hrst. ] thought it would come with
time. God how hard it has been.
now bitter hard!" He passed his thin.
nervous hand YEARLY across his col
orless face. AT least, she never
knew, never suspected, nor cared
either way" he said, bitterly. "She
was as Indifferent as-as | was"
i wonder if she knows Eow," he
oreathed. Il wonder If she knows
and understands She never seemed
10 understand anything. ! used to
wonder how anyone could feel SO lit
tie and live. Il tried once to tell her
now ! felt and she laughed. Said
needed something to tone me up.
Perhaps she WAS right, Perhaps /
am morbid chap.
IF she had cared" he began again.
4 would have tried to be different
l should have learned to get hold of
her interest in some way, but that
dead calm of hersl / used to think
1t would drive me crazy. She was
the fright sort, too-or semed to be-
WITH her possibilities she might have
developed into a wonderful woman
under the right conditions. She is
Herful-she was" he corrected
himfelf, shuddering at the correction.
i admired her more than any other
woman / ever met. Poor Heleni"
he sighed as he pored over the letter
in tfe failing light
Ht sat UP, startled. Hurried to
the window, reading eagerly with a
look of intense interest on his rather
apaahetic face-a look such as Helen
Atherton had never reused in all her
sadly inconsequent life with him.
Dear" he read, 81 couldn't hope
eveF to make you understand how |
lov@ you. You have just left me-
cold, unloving, careless, as you always
are land | (poor foolish, loving thing
put lmy starved arms about your chair
andi laid my lips passionately against
the 'spot where your dear head has
laini / know it is utterly unr> pro-
cated that | shall never be more to
you than l am now, and though it
breaks my heart with its desolation,
its ptter despair, yet l bow to it.
Deakest, no man was ever loved more
deeliy, more tenderly, than you are.
o, the sadness, the heartbreak of it
all!
You thought at first you cared II
you had been sure, then-ah, If you
had only known then-and told me.
Now it is too late l am wrapped in
a pever-endfng regret that will be
my portion to the end of time.
cant ease the hurt of loving snnloved.
Il want you to know if you are left
and you will be-that have always
cared / used to hope for the day
when / should Sc your eyes flood with
gladness at my coming. | have
learned to, welcome even the wean-
ness of spirit they express If only I
may feel you near me.
Dear, l know how it is with you.
| know that the bonds have become
so irksome that they have worn into
your very soul. l see the distaste.
the dislike-almost loathing-that pos
sesses you at times. | see it all. yet
| am powerless to release you. / can
only hide it all securely away under
the slow smile, the smile that you
call my everyday face.
If you had cared, John, we should
have been very happy. | love your
work, your interests, but / have not
dared voice it for fear-O that look!
that cruelty Indifferent, hard, careless
look! 1t burns into me as / write
and I writhe under the torture of it,"
He sat with his head on his arms
for hours. Once he cried out in
agony: MY God, il | had known.
If had known!"
At last he climbed the heavy, dark
stairway to the room above to face
his dead. He turned back the white
coverlid with hands strangely steady
after his long vigil
Her face was oddly girlish as it
was in the little photo He felt a vast
tenderness yelling up within him as
he looked A rush of feeling that
flooded him with longing, longing for
h~c smile. for her clear-eyed look, for
the spirit of her, brave and indomita-
BILE as it had ever been. At last he
knew the truth. He could see the
soul back of the silence-back of her
apathetic gentleness of demeanor that
had shamed his churlish outbreaks of
irritability Oh, TO tell her! TO let
her know how he admired her self
control, her wonderful soldier heart
that could force her to smile calmly.
though her life's blood was oozing
away droD by dron