Hopkinsville Kentuckian. [volume] (Hopkinsville, Ky.) 1889-1918, 1906-11-03

board street car. He says she didn't
try to get on the car until 1t had
stopped. She didn't drop her pack
ages or step on her dress as she
mounted the steps, She took her time
when leaving and did not try to get
off until the car had stopped-and,
wonder of wonders she stepped off
frontwards! That New York news
paper man must think we are a lot Of
easy marks to believe that!
The new spelling reform makes the
dialect writer's hunt their holes.
Mark Twain is writing his auto
biography. Put me down for copy,
Mark, but here's hoping it will be
continued for long time yet
The world loves Joker but seldom
pays him anything more tangible than
laughs. If you buy the baby's shoes,
you must be serious. 1 haven't any
baby so 1t doesn't make any differ
ence in this case.
And, besides, may not be joker
at all.
know, too, that have my serious
moments. Just the other morning l
was lodging into the bathroom in my
robe-de-nuit and stubbed my toe
against the bathroom door. Gee, but
| 7 was Soy.iOuS for owhilat
But the funny part of it was, my
wife wasn't serious one bit She
laughed immoderately and doubled
up like a wet straw that you have
been sucking cider through.
This made me more serious than
overland that day when l went
down to my Office got check for
poem had written three months ago.
It pays to be serious, all right!
Speaking of bathrooms reminds me
that we are getting mighty stuck up
as a nation. Time was when we used
to battle out in the horse-trough 5y
the pump--and then we graduated
into the wash-tub in the kitcheni
Next some fne-haired cuss invented
tie bathtub and after he had broken
an arm trying to stand up in the
blamed; slippery receptacle, he besar
\ to tell other folks what fine thing
it was.
The smart set caught right on and
began taking cold baths and blowing
about it. 1t sounded real civilized to
tell how they arose in the dim light
of the morning, threw their bath
robe about them and made a dash
! for the bathroom They turned on
the cold water, right out of the lake"
and Topped in with a '.booh!" Then
they sozzled around in the frigidity
and watched the goose pimples rise
on their epidermis.
Then they got up and rubbed the
skin all red with a turkish towel and
gloated at the glow of their cnticule.
The novelists took up the cry and
pretty soon it was the fashion to
have a bathtub in the house.
Somebody soon discovered that it
was not fashionable to have a family
bathtub and the smart set installed
one in the rear of the smokehouse for
the maid. Now there must be one
for the maid, one for the guest, one
for Mr.. and Mrs. Scadhurst who own
the place, and one over for emergen-
cies. 1t is a sign of the times. If
cleanliness is next to godliness some
people / know need only to quit graft
ing and they will be in Heaven!
/ used to take EN- cold that way I'M
til the doctor told me no man who
was subject to rheumatism should in
dulge such luxurious habit and
quit taking baths-cold
And every time l hear anybody say
anything about cleanliness, I am re-
minded Of the old tramp and the soap
advertisement: Il used your soap 90
years ago and have not used any
since"
Gee, this is the last game of the
pennant fight in Chicago and it's only
three o'clock. / wish / knew right
now what the score would be.
Well. so long. swimming school is
out for today
q ~