Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1906-08-02
xxxII.

AS she finished speaking Eve did not
lower her eyes. To her there was no sug-
gestion of shame in her thoughts or her
words; but TO Loder. watching and listen
ing there was perilous meaning contained
in both.
'Thankfulnessg he repeated, slowly
From his newly stirred sense of responsible
ity pity and sympathy were gradually ris-
ing He had never seen Eve as he saw
her now. and his vision was all the clearer
for the long oblivion. With poignant
sense OF compassion and remorse, the
knowledge of her youth came to him-the
youth that some women preserve in the
midst of the world, when circumstances
have permitted them to see much but to
experience little.
.'Thankfulness? he said again. incredu-
lousy.
A slight smile touched her lips Yes"
she answered softly. 'Thankfulness that
my trust had been rightly placed .
She spoke simply and confidently. but the
words struck Loder more sharply than any
accusation. With heavy sense of bitter
ness and Remuneration he moved slowly
forward.
Eve he said. very gently, you dent
know what you say"
She had lowered her eyes as he came
toward her; now again she lifted them in
swift, upward glance. For the first time
since he had entered the room slight look
of personal doubt and uneasiness showed
In her face. "Why?" she said. IL don't
understand"
For moment he answered nothing. He
had found his first explanation overwhelm-
ing; now suddenly 1t seemed to him that
to surmount. 7 came here tonight to tell
you something" he began. at last, but
SO far | have only said half"
''Half?"
S,If
ly. avoiding the question in her eyes. Then,
conscious of the need for explanation he
plunged into rapid speech
"A fraud like mine.'' he said, has only
one safeguard, one justidcation--a bound
less audacity. Once shake that audacity
and the whole motive power crumbles. 1t
was to make the audacity impossble-to
tell you the truth and make 1t impossible
that l came tonight. The fact that you
already knew made the telling easier-but
it altered nothing
Eve raised her head, but he went reso-
lutely on.
Tonight he said, II have seen into my
own life into my own mind, and my ideas
have been very roughly shaken into new
places
I'VE never make so colossal mistake
as when we imagine that we know our
selves Months ago. when your husband
first proposed this scheme to me, was.
according to my own conception, solitary
being vastly ill-used by Fate, who, with
fine stoicism, was leading clean life That
was what believed; but there, at the very
outset, I deceived myself. l was simply
a man who shut himself up because he
cherished a grudge against life and who
lived honestly because he had consfltu-
tional distaste for vice. My first feeling
when saw your husband was one of self
righteous contempt, and that has been my
attitude all along. l have often marVeled
at the flood of intolerance that has rushed
over me at sight of hfm-the violent desire
that has possessed me TO look away from
his weakness and Danish the knowledge of
It: but now / understand.
II know now what the feeling meant. The
knowledge came to me tonight. 1t meant
that turned away from his weakness be-
cause deep within myself something stirred
in recognition of It, Humanity Is really
much simpler than we ike TO think, ana
human impulses have an extraordinary
fundamental connection. Weakness Is
egotisrn-but so is strength. Chflcote has
followed his vice. have followed my am
bition. 1t will take higher Judgment IMAM
yours or mine to say which of US has
been the more selfish man.. He paused
and looked at her
She was watching him intently. Some
of the meaning in his face had found a
the awe and wonder of the mornings DIS
covery still colored her mind too ViVloly
to allow of other considerations possessing
their proper value. The thrill of exultation
with which the misgivings born of Chill
cote's vice had dropped away from her
mental image of Loder was still TOO az,
sorbing to be easily dominated She loved
and as If by miracle her love had been
i,,stified, For the moment the justification
was alI-sufficing! Something OF commence
something of the innocence that comes not
from ignorance of evil, but from a mind
singularly OBSERVATION-DISCLOSURES her 10
the danger of her position
Loder. waiting apprehensively for some
aid some expression or OPINION, became
gradually conscious of this lack OF reallza,
.-4ctt IVAN GO
the small space that alVloeo theM anu
caught her hands -. 49,,
Eve" he said, gently, Il have been try
ing to analyze myself and give you the re-
Suits but / shan't try any more Shall pe
quite plain with you.
From the first moment TOOK your nus
bands place / was ambitious. You uncon-
sciously aroused the feenng When you
brought me Fraides message on the first
night You aroused it by your words-but
more strongly, though more obscureiy, by
your underlying antagonism. On that night.
though / did not know II, / took up my po-
sjtion.-I made my determination. 10 you
know what that determination was?"
She shook her head
"It was the desire to stamp out Chilcote's
footmarks with my oWn-'o prove lnat per
thing / forgot to reckon that when we
draw largely upon fate she generally ex-
forts a crushing interest.
"Frirst came the wish for your respect;
then the desire to stand well with such men
as Fraide-to feel the stir OF emulation and
couopetition--to prove myself strong in the
one career l knew myself really fitted for.
For a time the second ambition oyershad-
owed the first, but the first was bound to
reassert itself; and in a moment OF egotism
/ conceived the notion OF winning your en-
thusiasrn as well as your respect
Ewes face, alert and questioning, sudden
Nv naled as a doubt crossed her mind.
Then 1t was only-only to stand well
with me-"
IT believed 1t was only the desire to stand
we'll with YOU; believed 1t until the night
of my speech--if you can credit anything SO
absurd-then on that night, as l came up
the stairs to the gallery and saw You stand
ing there, the blindness fell away and l
knew that I loved you.' AS ne said the
last words he released her hands and turn
ed aside, missing the quick wave of joy and
color that crossed her face.
IT knew It, but 1t made no oinerence; !
was only moved to higher seif-giorifica-
don / touched supremacy that night. But
as we drove home experienced the strang-
est coincidence of my life. You remember
the block In the traffic at Pfccadiliy?
Again Eve bent her head.
well. when looked out of the carriage
window to discover It's cause the first man
I saw was-Chilcote.
Eve started slightly. This swift, rnex-
pected linking of Chilcote's name with the
most exalted moment of her life stirred her
~ .It.- II - -