St. Johns review. (Saint Johns, Or.) 1904-current, 1906-03-09

NmGazS.rsR
Another rise in pork. Ex-Gov-
ernor Hogg, of Texas, died last
Saturday.
March came in like a real woman
and, like a real woman, has been
crying ever since.
The tarpon is said to be the
swiftest fish-but that doesn' prove
that suckers are not more numerous.
The Albany Democrat says "Try
telling the truth for one day"
Whyl What's the joke about.
anyway
Albany has a chink named All
Swill. It is said that some OF the
best hogs in the vicinity eat al his
restaurant.
Thieves stole box Of choice
cigars from Rev. A. A. Morrison,
of Portland. Evidently they be-
lieved minister had 10 right to
smoke.
A prominent Englishman has
just given a dinner. costing over
$1,000, to a dog After this the
old adage should read Every dog
has his dinnerr'
At Scio they have Crab trees.
In Washington the crabs are found
in the water-and there being trees
having crabs IN this country indi-
Gates that the country is far more
fertile.
One Of the political candidates is
posing as "tbe man without an
enemy" | have always considered
that the man who did not have an
enemy was not possessed of real
friend.
The first bargain.sale agitation
was that mentioned in the bible
where folks "wefe afraid OF those
things which are high" After
that. 10 doubt the prices were
scaled for a bargain rush.
At Toledo people are crying for
a board walk from the main street
To the cemetery. Must he an awful
unhealthiul place-that Toledo.
In ST. Johns we don't even have a
cemetery---only politically.
II is claimed there are ten thous.
and worshippers of the sun In Chi.
cago. From two.months' stay in
that city ! had concluded the sun
was never seen there. Mebbe they
worship photographs of IL
This exporting books OF all
public officials has become such a
fad that we Il soon have to Eek
pert the reports OF the experts
which will probably result IN Eek
porting" the reports Of the "ex.
perts' on the experts reports
and 50 on, ad. lib.
Isn't Il strange how many men
are willing to run for Office because
their friends wish them top
What the announcements should
say is, "l'm out for this job be-
cause want the money there is in
1t and because ! desire the fame
which will come with itp'
The record price for tips" has
been established. Some years ago
a waiter, as a tip, was told to buy
North Butte Copper at sI3. He
did So-and has just sold at $40.
The waiter cleared Sas,4oo. The
question is It he had lost would he
have asked the Upper to have made
him good
Back in a Colorado city widow
advertises for a place to do the
honsework-and stipulates that her
employer must be a widower with
two children, That seems to be
drawing the line of environment
rather closely. Presume II he
doesn't have the two of his own he
can adopt the two she has
She was a pretty little woman
from the interior OF the state and
she boarded Conductor Mulligan's
car to come to st. Johns to visit
her sister-in-law. She had but
little knowledge of the trolley sys-
tenn and viewed everything along
the route with intense interest,
"lf | should put my foot ON that
rail, )" said She, pointing to the
nearest Bit of track. would | get a
shock ?" Mulligan smiled. "Not
unless you put your other foot on
the overhead wireP' replied the
suave conductor. The dear woman
almost tainted.
THORN.