davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Topeka state journal., 1906-06-13

Mr.. Bryan viii be given a tremend-
lous ovation when he gets home. But
what Mr.. Bryan would really prefer
would be less ovations and more votes
l4he next time he runs for the presi-
lAencw.
The Topeka state journal., 1906-06-13

viii it be Bryan for 1908. Bryan for
1912. Bryan for 1916. and so forth p
Baltimore American.
The Topeka state journal., 1906-06-13

one Of the dne things that have ap-
psared in Kansas newspapers this.
week is the tribute OF Joseph L. Bris-
The Topeka state journal., 1906-06-13
HUMOR OF TIE Day

one hand paused IN front Of the pedes-
I'm I'm eoin' to hold you up!'' he said.
''T-that's real lz-lSind of you, I'm sure.
answered the pedestrian. i h-had sink
ing s-sensatfon when I saw you a-ap-
preaching. Chicago Daily News
..sdcGarvin, what sort of a house are
you building down there on the boule-
'9oh. the usual =srt. It rests on foun-
dation of debt and is topped with a mort
gage. Chicago Tribune
.she is my only child complained the
proud old man. why do you wish to take
Il dent; said Mr.. sapleigh, "an 1
want Is to marry her. Chicago Record
Herald
''Is your horse afraid of automobilssg'
asked the tourist who was mending a bro
NO answered Farmer Corntossel. hes
hauled too many Of 'em home fur that.
Washington Star.
Here comes ole Cap'n Hank
''Huh What wuz he ever cap'n OFF,
amt ye? Dodding IT. thet thar man drig
the bus up tab the Ocean Haouse afore
ye wuz bawn. Judge
waiter-Two highballs, sir? Yes sir.
these highballs as wide as possible
Judge.
Not a long time ago Love was engaged
in robbing some honest people Of their
peace Of mind. when loud knock sound
Poverty, Of coursei'' cried Love. in the
utmost vexation, and flew out Of the win
dow, leaving his booty behind him--Puck.
Muggsy-where did yer git de watch?
Gafrer-Got It wild q suit o clothes.
Muggsy-Awi g g'oni de clothln' men amt
givin' away no watches like dat wild suits
O. clio es.
Gaffer-welI. it was a secondhand quit
what belonged to a gent what was in
swimmin' -Philadel2hia Press.
He isn't at all weu nxed Is hep
Don't you believe e; You haven't seen
him lately, have your
mo, but I know he doesn't make any
last year, and It was as much as he could
do then to live within his income
"Ahl but he's living beyond It now
Philadelphia Press.
Mrs Wade Parker-Do you take a sun
N Mrs. 81 Glen viliers-we do If we get up
before our next door neighbors.-Cleve-
land Leader.
Il wrote this little poem to keep the
wolf from the door, said the long haired
party who had bearded the editor in his
You're. at the wrong number, answer
ed the blue-pencil writer. There's no
wolf loafing around my door. Chicago
Proofreader-You speak here Of Nu-
ritchs new house as magnificent mar
BILE pile
Editor-Wef12
Proofreader-Wel It isn't marble at an
it's 2 frame building.
Editor-That's so. Then Just substitute
wood for marble" PhiladeInhia
Press.
JIM hsar Bill has quit the sailors
Tin1-Yss. the captain got mad the oths-
night and Knocked the tar out Of him
Princeton Tiger.
We'll" said Morre1. Mature has ita
compensstions for all. Lightning. gcn
know. never strikes twice in the same
place"
s'FIuhl'' retorted Worrei. that's small
comfort for the man who Is struck IN the
first place. ce.''-Phiiadelphia Press.
Oldhanl-I have decided to lay my for
tune at Miss DfmDleton's feet.
Yungun-Weii, that ought to make q a
trifle easier for her.
OIdham-Easier for her?
Yungun-Yes; to run through ft-COIunn-
bus Dispatch.
The Topeka state journal., 1906-06-13
Butting and Abuttlng.

William Jennings Bryan tells the
following story on himself:
tOnce out in Nebraska / went to
protest against my real estate assess
ment, and one of the things of which I
particularly complained was assessing
a goat at $25. claimed a goat was no
real property in the legal sense of
the word, and should not be assessed.
One of the assessors, q very pleasant
faced old man, obligingly said I could
go upstairs with him and together we
would look over the rules and regula-
tions and see what could be done.
I'VE looked over the rules, and
finally the old man asked:
Does your goat run loose on the
roads7'
:" Well. sometimes said I. wonder
ing what the penalty was for that
dreadful offense.
Does he butt?' again queried the
old man.
Yes. 1 answered he butts
g Well said the old man. looking
at me. this rule says-tax all that Ger
tain property running and abutting on
the highway. I don't see how I can do
anything for you Good day, sir -
Philadelphia Ledger.
The Topeka state journal., 1906-06-13
SPELLING.

Reading, writing and spelling. To
the 200 members attending the normal
institute: Reading, writing and spelling
we say it regretfully-are no longer
thoroughly taught in the public schools.
Young men and women who seek in
struction in telegraph stenography and
typewriting, though of good ability and
general information, are lamentably
deficient in the fundamentals OF the
English language. They especially can
not spell. Out of 80 OF 40 words in
ordinary use sometimes one-half or
even two thirds are misspelled. This
nearly every newspaper publisher will
stand ready to aYouch from experience.
The common schools no longer teach the
common rudiments and especially do
they neglect reading. Girls and boys
attending public schools should be in
structed in reading aloud, in the use OF
their vocal organs not only il reading
but in speaking and reciting. Young
ladies and young gentlemen you should
pay more attention to the common ru-
Unconstitutional Republican.
The Topeka state journal., 1906-06-13
Small Boy Beats ostricI,,s Record

The boy, years old, is stopping at
the Astor house. Father went out of
town on business. leaving instructions
that the boy should have anything he
wanted Nine times the first day the
boy mounted q high stool in the ro-
tunda. This is what he ate:
Cakes, maple syrup, apple dump
ling. coffee.
strawberry shortcake.
Nesselrode pudding.
4@Oranges, branded peaches and
cream.
Asparagus tips, cream sauce. raj
sins
Strawberry shortcake and ginger
ale.
7-Omelette soun1e. English walnuts,
soda pop.
S-Rhubarb pie. ice cream, coffee.
9-Muf1ns, string beans, strawber-
ries.
The second day the boy showed up
in the rotunda he refused to eat, and
said he guessed he must be sick.-New
York World.
The Topeka state journal., 1906-06-13
KAMxAS cOMAENT


SOME P0faHFe ABOUT KANSAS.
Kansas is a way-up state IN every
respect, and you may think you Know
all about her aititudinosity. Let's see
about It Stand up and recite. Where
IS the highest point in Kansas A.
the northwest corner OF the stare NJ
quite; the highest point IS % mics
south of the corner. 1t is nearly Inlee-
fourths of mile above sea level. What
is the lowest point in the state! ne ne
mouth of the KaW river WEOHs
again. The lowest is 30 miles west OF
the southeast corner, where the v eful-
girls river crosses the south line of the
state. This point is zoo feet above the
sea level which is so feet lower thdn tne
mouth of the KaW. You may thiiih
that the valley of the Arkansas snouid
be lower than the Werdigris, but that
is where you make another mistake,
as we will see later on. w hat IS the
difference between the highest and low
est points in the state2 More tnan
& 900 feet, RIGHT for once! The differ
ence is more than a half mile Kansas
got a slant on herself some years ago
and has never gotten over It. now
which Is the higher, Wakeeney or ran
som? About the same. guess" Well,
you have another guess a-comlng. Ran
som is so feet higher than Wakeeney-
Which is the higher, Wakeeney or
Dodge City, down on the Arkansas.
'Wakeeney, of course, by 1000 feet
Now you are away off, indeed! DooBe
City is SO feet higher than Wakeeney,
according to figures sent out by Uncle
Sam. Wakeeney is 200 feet higher than
Norton, and 800 feet higher than Hill
City on the north It is 200 feet higher
than Ness City on the south. Norton
and Jetmore are given exactly the
same elevation, 2,268. Ness is feet
lower and Hill City 134 feet lower. That
leaves Wakeeney and Ransom on
ridge 200 feet high, which the Smoky
is trying to split In two. Dodge is 30
feet higher than Jetmore which is 30
=
than Ashland which is 80 miles south.
Arkansas City, on the river near the
south line of the state, is 300 feet higher
than Elgin, 40 miles east. and only 10
feet lower than Drury, 20 miles west
1t thus appears that the Arkansas river
is running along on top of a ridge from
200 to 800 feet high, and it is probable
that the old river built that ridge, it
self hundreds of years, perhaps millions
of years ago.-A. S. Peacock, in Wa
keeney independent.
The Topeka state journal., 1906-06-13

Not a long time ago Love was engaged
in robbinz some honest people Of their
peace OF mind. when loud knock sound
ed at the door.
Poverty, of coursei'' cried Love, in the
utmost Vexatfon, and flew out Of the win
dow, leaving his booty behind him.-Puck.
The Topeka state journal., 1906-06-13

Waiter-Two highballs, sir2 Yes sir.
CustoDer-And say, waiter just make
these highbaIls as wide as possible
Judge.
The Topeka state journal., 1906-06-13

Muggsy-Where did yer git de watch2
Cafrer-Got It wid suit O. clothes.
Muggsy-Awi g on de clothin' men amt
givin' away no watches like dat wild suits
O. clio es.
Cafrer-WelI, it was a secondhand quit
what belonged to a gent what was in
swimmin' -Philadelrhia Press.
The Topeka state journal., 1906-06-13

'Is your horse afraid of automobilesg''
asked the tourist who was mending bro
ken tire.
NO" answered Farmer Corntossel, hes
hauled too many OF EN- home fur that
Washington Star.
The Topeka state journal., 1906-06-13

Here comes ole Cap'n Hank
HUH What wuz he ever cap'n Off"
You young fellers is all-fred smart,
amt ye? Dodding it, thet thar man driv
the bus up tab the Ocean Haouse afore
ye wuz bawn. Judge
The Topeka state journal., 1906-06-13

HE isn't at all well fixed Is hep
Don't you believe II. You haven't seen
him lately, have your
mo, but I know he doesn't make any
more money now than when / saw him
last year, and It was as much as he could
do then to live within his income.
'Ahl but he's living beyond It now
Philadelphia Press.
The Topeka state journal., 1906-06-13

"She is my only child complained the
proud old man, why do you wish to take
Il dent said Mr.. sapleigh. ''aIi 1
want is to marry her. Chicago Record
Herald.
The Topeka state journal., 1906-06-13

Mrs Wade Parker-Do you take a sun
day paper2
before our next door neighbors.-Cleve-
land Leader
The Topeka state journal., 1906-06-13

''BfcGarvin, what sort of a house are
you building down there on the boule
ward -
'.Oh, the usual Sort. It rests on a foun-
dation of debt and is topped with a mort
gage. Chicago Tribune
The Topeka state journal., 1906-06-13

The Iow-browed party with a pistol in
one hand paused IN front Of the pedes-
trian.
I'm goin' to hold you up" he said.
''T-rhat's real lz-kind of you. I'm sure,
answered the pedestrian. Il h-had a sink
ing s-sensatfon when I saw you a-ap-
preaching. Chicago Daily News
Pullman herald. [volume] (Pullman, W.T. [Wash.]) 1888-1989, 1906-03-31

contemptuous look upon poor, trem-
bling Job, and then turned away and
moved along the path toward her
home. He amt got sand enough to
fill my thimble. There amt no man
about him."
Job also timidly edged away, but In
the opposite direction.
Sim laughed, as he looked after him.
"Yer needn't be afeared, Job l amt
mean enough to fight a sick man; but
whenever yer ready to lick me, I'll be
thar. Yer'd better stop on yer way
home an see the doctor bout them
chills. Pears like yer got the good old
ager pretty bad"
So saying, he followed Lorena up the
winding mountain path, while Job.
trembling still, rapidly fastened along
the downward way.
What you follerln' me for, Sim
Barker?" cried Lorena, turning sharp
ly upon him.
Cause l amt caught up with yer
yet" replied Sim, with a provoking
laugh.
Il don't want yer follerln' me. Yer
kin go back with Job"
II amt got any business with Job
an l have with you"
We'll, l amt got any business with
you, so yer may as well go back" and
the girl quickened her steps.
when yer goin' to marry me- Lo-
rena" Sim asked, with provoking
GOODNESS, as, with few rapid strides
he gained her SIDE
Never, Sim Barker"
That's too far off, Lorena. Make 1t
sooner, can't yer"
mo"
A woman's no allurs means yes.
I've heard. l reckon I might as well
get the license tomorrow"
She turned upon him In a passion of
Indignation; but the smiling deter
mination In his face STAYED the re-
bellious words that rose to her lips.
Job Allen won't come nigh We
again." Sim went On with Irritating
calmness. I'm yer only chance now.
l ain't bad sort of chap, Lorena,
an ye do love me little, don't yer?"
he added coaxlngly.
Yer amt my style, Sim Barker. Yer
only a common Teller"
II 'spect yer think Job Allen Is an
uncommon Teller, an jest yer style. Yer
wearin' his ring yit l see."
She hastily drew the cheap circlet
from her finger and threw 1t as far as
she could, but she only said, I'm look
Ing for Teller like Arthur Penrock.
who's heT" asked Sim, with a puz-
zled look.
Pullman herald. [volume] (Pullman, W.T. [Wash.]) 1888-1989, 1906-03-31

make a woman q lady, be she queen or
peasant maid. Her mother had taught
her reading, writing and the funda-
mentals Of arithmetic, together with
such womanly accomplishments as she
herself possessed knowledge Of The
girl had also CLEANED some knowledge,
useful and otherwise, from the books
she had read for she loved to smile
and weep over the joys and sorrows of
true lovers.
AS she stood there In the rosy light
Of the setting sun, she likened herself
to some fair lady Of the olden time
and Sim and Job seemed as the two
gallant knights who would prove their
right to win her by test of their
courage and strength.
But these high, sweet thoughts were
rudely dispelled by the coming Of Job
Allen. Big and strong he certainly
looked; but his bearing was not that
of knight and hero. Pallid and trem
bling he came to her side.
'Sim-Sim-hasn't got here YETI" he
questioned, anX10uSly.
NO" she replied, shortly, impatient
at the sight of his fear
Maybe he won't Gomez" and a
CLEAN of relief shot over his face.
Hell come if he's alive yet" Lo-
rena answered; and then, with sud
den, fearful thought, she caught hold
of his arm, and cried, You haven't
murdered him. Job Allen Is that why
you're so pale and trembllng?"
mot by long ways" replied a ia
miliar voice. and, looking up, she saw,
to her relief, Sim Barker almost at her
side
Don't We fret, Lorena," he went on.
II kin take keer O. myself"
Then, turning to his rival, he said,
with laugh. You must have the ager,
Job, kin almost hear We shake. Air
We ready to lick me now?"
IL" and the big fellow actually
tried to get behind Lorena.
"Aye-aye," repeated Sim, hooking
ly. "Of with your coat, then, and
come on"
IL" faltered Job, shrinking
still farther behind Lorena, whose
pretty face wore most disguised ex-
preston.
AYE, aye" mlmicked Sim, derlsive-
ly. "Lorena, ye'd better take yer fell
low up to yer cabin, an put him to bed.
He'll shake hisself out'n his boots d.
rectly."
"He amt no Teller of mine. Sim
Barker" cried Lorena, as she cast a
Pullman herald. [volume] (Pullman, W.T. [Wash.]) 1888-1989, 1906-03-31

"Oh, the hero in The Blus n,
mond,' what I've list read. He sa.-
all the soft snaps, and walks right go
the other fellers, an marries = ~.
an lovely girl" u
"Oh, story feller," Sim answo
with sigh of relief. "Then n,
I'll do jest as well as that Arthur is
been In a story, too"
you, Sim Barker?" I.orena Iar.,
incredulously, as she looked him oro-
scornfully.
Jest So" he answered. oule+,,.
You remember that story Teller +h.,
was down here huntin' last fall2 wou
he put hisself an me in purity stor,
what he called "A Mountain Hero I'm
that hero, cause / saved his life ono
day; an that story tells the how and
the when"
"Sim Barker! That's jist one Of YER
big yarns" said the girl looking o.
him with new respect, however.
IN let yer read the story Lorena
seem yer so fond Of slch like. I've pot
it down at my cabin. The Teller Sent
me magazine with it in. Yer Won't
look at Job Allen again when you'va
read that"
! II sha'n't look at Job Allen again
nohow," she replied with a flush. ~
don't like towards"
well, Lorena. if JOB Is done fur
I'm left; an | love We as well as
story Teller would. When is the wed.
din to be-" He spoke confidently. for
he was certain in his own mind that
she loved him, and would marry him
now that she had become Disseminated
with poor Job.
She drew little closer to him In the
fast deepening twilight, and laid her
little hand on his arm, saying SLOWLY.
II do love yer, SIM guess | allurs
did, though l was fooled for a while
by Jobs fine clothes an town manners:
but yer worth twenty Jobs"
That's gospel truth, Lorena," Sim
replied, with unconscious self-conceit:
IAN when that story Teller comes back
this fall, I'll tell him how Job licked
me, an he'll put us all three in
story"
Lorena smiled and blushed, as she
said, 'Do please. Sim. l should like
to be In a story; an 1t can end, as
most stories do, AN they married an
allus lived happy" Mage
zine
Pullman herald. [volume] (Pullman, W.T. [Wash.]) 1888-1989, 1906-03-31
WHICH ONE WAS KEPT.

There were two little kittens, a black and
gray,
And grandmamma said with frown--
1t will never do to keep them both,
The black one we'd better drown.
Don't cry, my dear" to tiny Bess,
One kittens enough to keep
Now run to nurse, for it's growing late,
And time you were fast asleep"
The morrow dawned, and rosy and sweet
Came little Bess from her nap;
The nurse said, Go into mammals room
And look in grandmas lap"
Come here" said grandmamma, with a
SMILE
From the rocking chair where she sat /;
God has sent you two little sisters,
Now, what do you think Of thatf"
Bess looked at the babies a moment,
With their wee heads, yellow and
brown,
And then to grandmamma soberly said,
Which one are you gNing to drown? q
Ideal Home.
Pullman herald. [volume] (Pullman, W.T. [Wash.]) 1888-1989, 1906-03-31
ST. PAUL IN THE BACkWooDs.
Clergyman Makes Hit with Sup
posed Original Grafton.

C1eF&y makes Hill win sup
posed Original Grafton.
The other day a clergyman sudden
~ was called upon to go to a back
woods district in neighboring state
to read the funeral service over the
body of a friend who had died while
on a visit TO the farm which he had
left many years ago as a small boy.
1t was a wild region. Within miles
of the abandoned farm there was no
church, and only one small red
schoolhouse," where there was teach
ing for three months in the winter.
1t was primitive community and
the people came to the funeral over
roads unmended and leading through
woods which had grown up In what
were once cultivated fields. All the
best blood of the region had been
drawn away into the cities. The peo-
pie who remained were the survival
Of the untittest," says the New York
Press.
In his hurry to catch the train
which should take him to the nearest
railroad station the clergyman caught
up his hymnal instead of the prayer
book, and when he came to conduct
the funeral service found that he
must go over the Episcopal burial SER
vice from memory as best he could.
SO, without book, he repeated from
memory the beautiful words of that
the eyes of the assembled farmers,
the appearance of an extemporaneOus
effort on the parsons part Now, the
lesson always read at such services Is
that magnificent essay on death by
ST. Paul-First Corinthians, XIV, 20
beginning, "Now Is Christ risen
from the dead and become the first
fruits Of them that slept" 1t is the
longest single part of the service, and
the congregation listened breathless-
ly to it. After the funeral a delega-
ton of farmers and their wives came
to the clergyman, and the spokesman
said:
That was the best funeral sermon
we ever heard. We want to thank
you for It,"
They thought 1t was original.
Yes" replied the astonished cler-
gyman; st has been preached before
and has always been considered rath-
er good. am glad you liked it."
Now he Is sending bibles out into
this heather town" and collecting
money for missionary work there. "A
people SO appreciative of the words OF
ST. Paul." says the clergyman, Ought
really to have an occasional chance to
read them and hear them"
Pullman herald. [volume] (Pullman, W.T. [Wash.]) 1888-1989, 1906-03-31
What's the Use?

DO you ever get discouraged -
asked the intimate friend.
NO answered MIR. Comstock. az
don't | know that If it comes to the
worst l can let my hair grow long.
show a band of religious enthusiasts
the NSly true path 10 heaven, and live
without work in the finest house in the
colony. detroit News.
Pullman herald. [volume] (Pullman, W.T. [Wash.]) 1888-1989, 1906-03-31

Statistics compiled by the various
automobile trade associans show that
there are about $4,000 motor cars IN
use In this country. the first cost OF
which aggregated S70.O00.OO0.
Pullman herald. [volume] (Pullman, W.T. [Wash.]) 1888-1989, 1906-03-31

The American School OF Resting.
Art of resting taught by correspond
ence. No apparatus and no Laboratory
work necessary by our method.
Development of latent and neglect
ed talent a specially Stubborn cases
of atavistic industry solicited !.
Testimonials and photographs Oh
grateful graduates who have good po-
sitions in the leisure class."-Puck.
Pullman herald. [volume] (Pullman, W.T. [Wash.]) 1888-1989, 1906-03-31

he had recovered from the nrst pang Of
disappointment, he began to wonder
what her refusal meant, and a sudden
mad thought came into his head. 1t
was a wild, improbable, unrea sonable
thought. There were no grounds for it
in fact, all things seemed to point in
an opposite direction, Still the thought
was in his mnd. Shall | tell you what
that thought wasp lie paused for a
moment at this point, and then, moving
nearer to her, went on. "He thought
that perhaps. in the great tenderness of
her heart, this woman had at first pited
him for certain unhappiness that cloud
ed his life for time. that possibly she
had overrated his efforts on her behalf,
and that between her feelings and pity
and gratitude, she was carried little
out of herself and ina gined she ought,
as a matter of duty, you know, to marry
the man she did not really love Then
he said, This must not be; | will go and
set her mind at rest, and tell her not to
worry about me. ! shall be all right by
and by, and learn in time to be content
cd without her.
"And did he go?"
Eyes, he went"
"And what did the woman sayT'
"Ah, that is more than | can tell at
present. | have come to ask you to
finish the story for me-"
II see" with a smile. This is how l
should finish it. The Undetermined
man, who did not think it possible that
he could be loved for himself alone, went
to the woman and told her he should
learn to be content without her in time,
upon which the woman rose up and held
out her hands, saying. But | can never
learn to be contented without you, Alec,
for love you very, very dearly!"
A faint little whisper that sounded
like my own, own loven foated through
the room, and Captain Polling and Ethel
Mailing were locked in a close embrace.
Pullman herald. [volume] (Pullman, W.T. [Wash.]) 1888-1989, 1906-03-31

And do you really love me still? And
may try to redeem my past folly by
loving you more than ever2"
Pullman herald. [volume] (Pullman, W.T. [Wash.]) 1888-1989, 1906-03-31

Some people are so proud OF tnen
family skeleton that they refuse "
keep 1t concealed In the closet
Pullman herald. [volume] (Pullman, W.T. [Wash.]) 1888-1989, 1906-03-31

Joey Esquimaux-Giye me bite Oh
your sea-blubber.
Madge Esquimaux-No, WON'T
Joey Esquimaux-All right you'
Didn't let you drink half when l
hooked the lamp out of the mission
Sunday school2-Puck.
Pullman herald. [volume] (Pullman, W.T. [Wash.]) 1888-1989, 1906-03-31

Empty heads contain lot of useis'-
Information