The sun. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1833-1916, 1906-03-04
SIMEON FORD'S VIEW OF PENN.
pHILADFLPHIA BANKERS I'M
pORT orr GIFTED ORATOR.
On,y to HSve Fun POked AZ the mustrIOus
Founder Of The Gty-Oid Jokes in =
Aew Form and Anecdotes Hot From
the ~Brain-The Rise Of GeOrge BOldt.

tonight at the "oh!
guests from New York, P%ittsburg, Boston
and other cities we're there.
Francis b. Reeves, president OF the
G,rard National Bank, acted as toast
master. The chief speaker OF the evening
was Congressman Theodore o.. Burton OF
Ohio, whose subject was Some Unfavor-
obIe Aspects of Recent Progress" but the
diners found more amusement in hearing
simeon Ford of New York raise "A Voice
from the Suburbs" The Rev. Russell H.
(onwelI and Franklin S.. Edmonds, former
chairman of the campaign committee OF
the CITY party, also spoke, MIR. Ford said:
In order 10 make this an instructive and
t,hoinrly address ! have been to some pains
70 look up the history OF your State, ana |
win now proceed to spring upon you the re-
suit Of my researches.
PENNSYLVANIA was named after William
Penn and Sylvania somebody cant re-
member her last name.
This is doubtless news to you.
From his portraits | gather that Milllah
was IN the heavyweight class, and sported a
collect ION of chins. resembling in appear
nnrr the approach to the national Capitol,
all Of which he worked overtime in Joshlng
the untutored savage. As an all around
IuNnpI ne was III Il 'ldSS Wy - Nv
we're alive to-day he could almost sell life
insurance. His eloquencew was such that the UNI
tIlnred savages fell all over themselves in their
cNorts to underwrite an ayr ement whereby
thcy undertook to exchange their broad acres
for glass beads preferred and Jamaica rum
common. And they wouldn't stand for any
water in their common either!
The noble elm under. which that treaty
WAS made stood until quite recently. A tree
phiCh would stand for that treaty must
necessarily be hard to down. II was a slip
perry elm tree under the shade of which that
shady transaction was contaminated. l am
the proud possessor of a osewood cane made
from its wood,
We're Penn alive to-day he would be a king
Of finance. As it was he spent most OF his
time doing time. He believed in standing UP
for his rights and hence was known to his
immediate associates as Scrappy Bill. He
had the courage of his convictions, and he got
convicted with great regularity and was sent
IN for six months about twice a year.
History records that he vas once convicted
for wearing his hat in Court tQuakerlike,.
and Judging from his hat, as it h. shown in
Vests celebrated portrait. the penalty fitted
the crime better than the hat fitted Penn.
When asked by the Judge why he insisted
on keeping his hat on. he replied tbeing a
playful cuss) that he had IL on the brain.
But the Judge, not to be outdone in repartee.
rctorted, That's one on you" and laughing
merrily, he handed out to Penn sixty days
in the cooler. The historian Burdett goes
on to say that the spectators were so i'm
pressed by the solemnity of the occasion that
you could have heard a gu mdrop.
As | have said, Penn was a Quaker in re-
liglon. if a faker in the real estate business.
He was a man of peace and always got the
biggest one. He believed in doing right by
the Indians, and when he did them he lid
them right.
The Puritans, it is said extinguished the
title by the simple expedient Of ex-
Tin gushing the Indian, but the pious Penn.
of shooting them, got them half shot
and accomplished the same result. Hence
the saying The Penn is mightier than the
q have seen the wooden model of
this fine old colonial joke in the Patent Oflce.)
In the first assembly formed by Penn. a
rule was passed that the presiding officer
be empowered to stop "super1uous and
tedious speeches" II such a rule were
adopted at public dinners. a lot of us free
feeders would be compelled to work for a
living.
To show how smooth Penn was, I will relate
an anccdote which is doubtless familiar TO
ell of YOU.
The Indians agreed for a consideration 80
small that a microscope went with it. to
giant to Penn as tnany miles of river front as
a man could ira verse in a day. The Indians
poor simple souls, thought Penn would pick
4 man with a SPAWN or the spring halt
or tho hpaves. But not SO! Penn had a
ringer IN training on the quiet. who covered
about a hundred miles. and came in under a
strong pull. When chidsd for this seeming
sharp practice, Penn remarked Children
Of 'he Great White Father. have / not always
-, 1tsa ,-1,, a rpp for rntIr TnOnnUr
Yol must excuse haste and a bad Penn"
When PENIS ship arrived in Philadelphia
be anchored of the bar and proceeded at
once to a tavern called the Blue Anchor Inn.
He blew right in and anchored of the bar.
] his tavern was kept by a man named Guest,
Mo vas always sure of at least one patron.
l. WAS a modest Caravansary. being but ~
feet by - hardly room for su~spicion-c"i
Penn's party completely filed IL. and it recip-
rocated. Penn is said to have remarked,
after licking up his fourth highball: 1t
four of a kind to beat a full holse"-a
taylng which is still extant.
Ever since that day Philadelphia has been
noted for her spring chickens, her lawyers
twho are no spring Chickens and her good
hotels George Boldt. / think, succeeded
Guest at the Blue Anchor. He sped the
departing Guest. And he has had all us land
lords on the run ever since. Signing for
fresh worlds to conquer, he came to New York
and opened that neat and transformations
on Fifth avenue known as the Wal
dorf Hyphen Astoria.
Every man in the United States as soon
as he has amassed d competence comes to
that hotel. stays a couple of days and then
goes back home to begin life anew.
Boldt and Rockefeller will soon have all
the money in the world. They both make
money by taking in the public and selling
them lubricants. Rockefeller sells fluids
ior lighting purposes. and Boldt sells fluids
for lighting up purposes.
Philadelphia has produced some great
men besides Boldt. When Benjamin Franklin
here it is said that he had nothing in the
way of tangible assets save the clothes on his
back, a lot of unborn aphorisms and a roll
under his arm. Why he carried his roll under
his arm history recordeth not. Generally
when a man has a roll he leaves Philadelphia
and comes TO New York.
That's one thing which can be said in favor
OF New York. II is so near Philadelphia.
Phladelphians go TO New York on very slight
rroyocations. ! have noticed in my peregrina-
tion> around the bright light district that
wherever two or three are gathered together
Iour OF them at least are Philadelphians.
! had Intended TO give you my views on
finance, but | will mercifully refrain. be-
heNe. with MIR. Jacob Schin. hat we need an
elastic currency. | would like a currency so