davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Aberdeen herald. [volume] (Aberdeen, Chehalis County, W.T.) 1886-1917, 1906-05-10
WIT OF THE YOUNGSTERS.
~O~~~~~

Tommy-What is the guest Of honor
at a dinner? Johnny-He's the fellow
what gets both drumsticks Of the chick
en-.
| Teacher-CanyOu tell me what gem
tleman is. Harry? IIarry-Yes. ma'am.
A gentleman is grown-up boy that
used to mind his mother.
Mamma" said little Elmer. II don't
think ought to study 'rithmetc."
"Why not, dearI" cause" explained
Elmer, ats full Of horrible examples.
| Sunday School Teacher-If angry
with another little boy, what should you
do before speaking. Tommy: Tommy
Sit on him and then count hundred.
| Little Elmer was saying his prayers
before retiring. and having got as far
as "if | should die before l wake" he
hesitated. "Well. what's next!" asked
his mamma. why" replied Elmer,
II suppose Il funeral would be the next
| thing"
Small Bobby hurt his finger while
playing. and his mother caught him
up in her arms. kissed him and began
to dry his tears with her handker.
chief. "D-Don't wipe m-my eyes yet,
mamma" sobbed the little fellow. II
a-ain't done c-crying."
The father of 4-year-old Bessie is a
travelling man, ana during his absence
recently Il new baby arrived. Upon his
return home II few days later Bessie
met him ut the door and exclaimed
"Oh. papa, you can't guess who was
born while you were away"
| Little Leland and Jeanette are cous.
ms and live in the same home. Jean.
nette went to Waukesha on visit. On
her return Leland asked her IL she
had been to Sunday school. YES" she
answered, land little boy there wink.
ed Mt me. but didn't wink back
Huh" said Leland. II know why. II
was cause you didn't know howl"
Aberdeen herald. [volume] (Aberdeen, Chehalis County, W.T.) 1886-1917, 1906-05-10
SHORT CRY TO COLUMBUS.
Only Four Lives Between a StOr!
of One of His sailors.

| Only Four Lives Between a story
of One of His sailors.
"Oh, that Is matter or tradition, "
said. the man who had been doubling
every statement made in the course of
the luncheon, land story passes
through too many people to be reliable
when you get it Il couple Of hundred
years late"
'"Tradition said another man. care
you aware how few lives 1t takes to
bridge over the centuries! For instance
the discovery of America seems long
time ago. and l suppose traditions con.
corning Columbus and his crowd you
would consider of no reliability yet do
you know, only four lives intervene be.
tween me and Il sailor Of christopher
Columbus? Yes. sir, am In possession
of story told by q sailor Of the Santa
Maria. which passed through only four
people before it got to me, and yet it
SPAWNED the centuries from 1902 to the
present time. The story was told me by
christopher IIarmswOrth. who died in
old man with an excellent memory. es-
pecially for things he had learned in
youtl-like most old people.
"NOw. Harmsworth was born. Of
course, In 1890. and when he was a
boy 10 years old. IN England is,
In the year 1SO0-his great -grandfa-
ther, then Il MN OF 81. used to take
him on his knee and tell the story to
him.. The great grandfather, as you
will see, must have been born in 1913.
And the great-grandfather used to tell
my friend Harmsworth that the Column
bus story had been told to him when
he was boy of 9--that is, in the year
1724-by an aged great-uncle Of his
who was nearly a hundred ut the time,
having been born in 1924. This great
uncle used to tell IIarmsworth's great
grandfather that he had first heard the
story when he was about 10 years old
from the lips of one William Sutcliffe,
retired sailor who was then in his
: 0Sth year, having been born in 1886.
Sutcliffc went to sea when he was a
! boy of ~, shipping as cabin boy in a
brig bound to Vigo. Spain. and there
he fell in with an old sailor 70 years
of age, one Marco Guzman, who, rs a
lad of 16, had sailed with Columbus to
| discover the new world. And Marco,
: the sailor, told Sutcllffe the story
New York Press.
Aberdeen herald. [volume] (Aberdeen, Chehalis County, W.T.) 1886-1917, 1906-05-10

cd Ma, angrily. 81 don't want to talk
to you! don't want to hear your mu.
steal bark You haven't got sense
enough to dodge the trolleys! You don't
know enough to steer clear OF live
wires. You DON'T"
Don't he peevish. pretty Polly
Don't be peevish!" broke in Pa. tuunt
ingly. Don't sit there and make a val.
entine Of yourself! Why don't you eat
honey and try TO look sweet? Why
don't you pull the twist out Of your
face nnd-Madam. can't you see that
dog? Can't you keep him out Of that
paint? DO You want him to eat that
indigestible stuff and become as dys-
peptlc as the rest of the Smiths? Get
out of that. you Internal kioOdle! Get
your snoot out of that can, or | will
fam you clean through the tin roof. and
bang you up against starry cUnstclla-
ton. Sneak. or L"
Pa got no further, for ut that unlap-
by moment the step ladder yielded to
the vigorous disturbance at the top,
turned sudden fllp-fiop, and the es-
teemed Henry took the most direct
route to the sitting room floor.
Naturally the pot of paint followed as
quickly as possible. and lost no Inc In
splashfully spreading itself - Pas
classical features. A few quar also
fell on little Fido. Whit the en-" cd Ma
got all that was coming to h;r and a
few spots TO spare.
II told YOU so. You contemplate
brute. ] told you So" shOutfuly OK
claimed Ma, as she theoretically piled
a fllmsy handkerchief. Il told you that
you would do it! | told you that you
would make monkey OF yourself! l
told you that you would ruin everything
In the"
ely away. angel. Fly away" sput-
tered Pa, trying TO unload part Of his
surplus complexion. "IIie thee hence
Get thee gone. You make me sad! You
make me sigh. If it hadn't been for
that blooming dog and the iarrlng ef-
feet of your seraphlc song the ladder
wouldn't have upset."
1t was late at night when Ma
wheeZefully spouted the final word of
the argument that ensued, and the next
day, while graduated painter was fin.
ishing Pas Job, the good lady went
down town and ordered new carpet
for the sitting roOm.--Philadelphla Tel
egraph.
Aberdeen herald. [volume] (Aberdeen, Chehalis County, W.T.) 1886-1917, 1906-05-10
k<EDIToRlAlS<z s.
Opinions of Great Papers on Important Subjects. 4
A A. 4 Il.

1906 than in 1905, in any previous year since
the grating began. The who holds policy Is
likely to realize 1t when it natures than did
those whose policies expired In recent times The ex
penses of running the companies being lowered Tie
absurdy large salaries of the heads of the companies and
big commissions allowed favores Of the
chiefs have all been abolished far the general pub
lie has learned The steals of various which
to have been perpetraed with considerable freedom III
the past few years have ended In the absence Of all
these drains much larger will necessarily be left
for division among the policy holders. Pay up
mums regularly. Hang to your policies This Is the
advice which should be needed by insured person
in the United States-St. Louis Globe Democrat.
Aberdeen herald. [volume] (Aberdeen, Chehalis County, W.T.) 1886-1917, 1906-05-10

At the great automobile exhibition
in Paris much interest was taken in
the "Patin automobile" or motor skate,
a new idea for rapid lomOcotion, which
seems to be in process of development
across the water. The apparatus con-
sists Of a pair of fOur-wheeled roller
skates. about ten Inches high, which
are driven by a motor of one and one
half horse power. The reservoir Is
contained In belt, which Is worn
around the skaters waist, and holds
enough fuel for run OF over fifty
miles without replenlshing. Having sue.
cessfully started. the skater can work
up to speed, 1t Is said, Of thirty miles
an hour.
Aberdeen herald. [volume] (Aberdeen, Chehalis County, W.T.) 1886-1917, 1906-05-10
lNQ1I11QNx;5
~N~N@~@N%~

"Madanc," remarked l'a Jones, in a
chesty sort OF tone, as he majestical-
ly strobe into the happy home and de-
posted Il package on the dining table,
II think that I have told you on one
or two occasions that your lord and
master was something OF an artist! I
think that have mentioned the fact
that when it comes to singing paint
the man whom you and your dear
mother led like lamb to the altar has
no peer among the knights of the smear
full brush! Unless my memory fails
me think that | have also Informed
yOu-"
What are you talking about. you
crazy freak?" demanded the petulant
Ma, urging little FldO to recede beyond
the hOOf range Of Pa. 'What are you
trying to stutter? What ails you this
time? Where does it hurt You! Why
don't yOu-"
Re calm, sweet violcis. BE calm! !"
rejOined Pa. with cOndcscendng smile.
Don't agitate yourself. This Is no
time to work yourself up into n spell
of snapful hysteria. This is no time
to show the pretty spirit of the kinky
Smiths! What do you suppose I am
talking about? What would you call
II II you tried to give guess? DO
you think that am cackling 0notatons
from Shakespeare? DO You imagine for
one moment that am giving you n
SUually recitation with all the eloc,l-
tiOnary frenzy that accompanies It?
Not on your life. darling. Not on your
life. l am singing the song of paint .
am preaching the gospel of linseed oil
and turpentine. am
For mercy's sake. forget il, You gar.
rulous gabber.." was the irritable inter
vuption of Ma. "lou sound worse than
squawkful crowd of crows. You
sound worse than the buzz OF brass
band! Why don't you talk sense, Why
don't you act"
Il won't forget 1t, madam. won't
forget It'll" responded Pa, shoutfully.
II refuse to boost It from my mind! l
am going to add further fame to the
artistic tastes of the Jonses. am
going to heap more laurels on the INDY
lug glory Of my noble ancestors. l am
going to paint the interior Of this
house! I am going to decorate"
whats that?" exclaimed Ma. flaring
up like an arc light, and throwing her
eagle orbs on the old man. What did
Aberdeen herald. [volume] (Aberdeen, Chehalis County, W.T.) 1886-1917, 1906-05-10
Rather q Back Mum her.

The late Ogden Goelet, when a direc.
tor in a gas company, was called upon
to pass upon the making OF a contract
with another company. lie said TO his
fellow directors: Gentlemen, 1 hap
pen to be a director in that company,
and never will consent to be q direc-
tor In one company and pass upon the
business with another company in
which I am director. Will resign
first" And resign he did. We COM
mend this to the board Of trustees Of
the big life insurance companies
American Grocer.
Aberdeen herald. [volume] (Aberdeen, Chehalis County, W.T.) 1886-1917, 1906-05-10
Lacking in Erudition.

"A Boston company has secured con
troll of New York's pneumatic mail
tube system"
II don't suppose the New York bid
ders knew how to spell pneumatic.
Cleveland Plain Dealer,
Aberdeen herald. [volume] (Aberdeen, Chehalis County, W.T.) 1886-1917, 1906-05-10
Two Kind of Trouble.

"What are you so gloomy abouty"
II am unable to keep out Of debt
my boy, you don't know what trou
BILE IL. cant get anybody to trus,
me "--Louisville Courier Journal.
Aberdeen herald. [volume] (Aberdeen, Chehalis County, W.T.) 1886-1917, 1906-05-10

II a man Is good" to his children
when they are little. as they interpret
It, no hasn't the money left 10 DO
"essd" T. them when they are grown
Aberdeen herald. [volume] (Aberdeen, Chehalis County, W.T.) 1886-1917, 1906-05-10

K2SNS6|y adoption Of phonetic spelling. Truly it is a
CfYE&$fyJ timely subject
Dr. Andrews means we'll. but Is he wholly
consistent? there any good and sufcing why
the doctor should spell teacher with "a and feed
ing with double "e'? Why should the "a" be pre-
served in "instead" and dropped from 'pcasure and
"read?" What necessity advantage in spelling 1t
come when "kum will the purpose. backed
when backt" lakt" would fit any emergency?
These the puzzng questions that up to
found and perpex the skeptIc who is willing be
WINGED.
The trouble to be that phonetic spelling ut
present urged Is MISS please affair."
Johnny has his own idea Of the way word sounds,
Jimmy has his and the good DR.. Andrews his and 1t
goes down the line that stretches to the crack Of
doom.
1t may be that phonetic spelling Is coming surely in
the future the air ship and the eight journey to
New York but meanwhile its advocates should get to-
gether and settle few plain and easily absorbed rules
which will give the proverbia verisimitude other
wise bald and unconvncing method.
him perfect his system and give 1t to for consideration
Otherwise must consider 1t what Arenus Ward that
great master of the phonetic school, called COAX
Chicago Post.
Aberdeen herald. [volume] (Aberdeen, Chehalis County, W.T.) 1886-1917, 1906-05-10
SECRET DIVORCES.

HE whole State of Indiana las recently been
startled by the manner In which divorces
are granted. The secret divorce between a
prominent citizen and his wife, In which
even the papers were taken from the court
room to avoid publicity, is the latest sensa.
ton. In this case the whole proceeding or.
Aberdeen herald. [volume] (Aberdeen, Chehalis County, W.T.) 1886-1917, 1906-05-10

cupled less than half hour 1t Is burning shame
that the people of the Middle West should regard this
question lightly they do. The sacred relations Of
the home apparently very lightly regarded All
makes life worth living in this way publicly rnned
under foot. and no willing to undertake to
stop it.-Farm and Firesile.
Aberdeen herald. [volume] (Aberdeen, Chehalis County, W.T.) 1886-1917, 1906-05-10
s&EGE&GGtGG%A3333s33a9A,
nv
s OLD 3
%eeeeeeeee~A.........x&
u We TcnraS


o We Tears!
o We tears! O ye tears that hare long
refused to flow,
Ye are welcome to my heart-thawng,
thawing, like the snow;
l feel the hard clod soften, and the early
snowdrops spring,
And the healing fountains gnsh, and the
wildernesses sing.
0 ye tears! O We tears! am thankful
that We run;
Though ye trickle in the darkness, 70 shall
glitter in the sun.
The rainbow cannot shine if sbe Sain re-
fuse to fall,
And the eyes that cannot weep are the
saddest eyes OF all.
o ye tears! o ye tears! till felt You on
my cheek,
I was selfish in my sorrow, 1 WAS stub
born. l was weak.
Ye have given me strength TO conquer,
and / stand erect and free,
And know that l am human by the light
Of sympathy.
o ye tears o ye tears! We relieve me Of
my pain;
The barren rock Of pride has been stricken
once again;
Like the rock that Moses smote, amid
Horeb's burning sand,
1t yields the flowing water to make glad
ness in the land.
There is light upon my path, there Is sun
shine In my heart,
And the leaf and fruit Of life shall not
utterly depart;
Ye restore to me the freshness and the
bloom Of long ago
ye tears happy tears! l am thankful
that We flow
Charles Mackay.
Aberdeen herald. [volume] (Aberdeen, Chehalis County, W.T.) 1886-1917, 1906-05-10

When half dozen women get TO-
gether they proceed - lay out their
neighbors and cackle.
Aberdeen herald. [volume] (Aberdeen, Chehalis County, W.T.) 1886-1917, 1906-05-10
We're A. NOddin'.

We're A. Noddin'.
And we're a noddin',
Md, mid, noddin',
And we're a. noddn'
At our house at hame.
Guild cen to ye, kimmer,
And are We alane?
o, come and see how blithe are ~
For jamie he's come hame;
And, o, but he's been lang AVA.
And, o, my heart was sair,
As sobbed out lang farewell,
Maybe to meet ma mair.
Moo we're a noddin,' etc.
0, sair hae I fought,
Ear and late did I toll:
My bairnies for to feed and ciead-
My comfort was their smile.
When thought on Jamie far ava
And O, his love sac fain:
A bodin' thrill cam through my hsaft,
We'd maybe meet again.
Moo we're a noddin,' etc.
When he knocket at the door,
l thought kent the rap:
And little Katie cried aloud,
my daddie he's come back"
A stoun' gaed thro' my anxious breast,
As thochtfully l sat;
I rase-I gazed-fell in his arms,
And burstet out and graf.
Moo we're a noddin,' etc.
Aberdeen herald. [volume] (Aberdeen, Chehalis County, W.T.) 1886-1917, 1906-05-10

No, Alonzo. Il man isn't always q
plug because he wears plug hat.
Aberdeen herald. [volume] (Aberdeen, Chehalis County, W.T.) 1886-1917, 1906-05-10
PHONETIC SPELLING.

of children subject to modern meth
DDS Of instruction. or rather lack OF instruc-
ton, in spelling, will he Interested In the
plea OF DR.. r. Benjamin Andrews for the
adoption Of phonetic spelling. Truly it Is
timely subject
DIR. Andrews means WELL but Is he wholly
Aberdeen herald. [volume] (Aberdeen, Chehalis County, W.T.) 1886-1917, 1906-05-10
HANG ON TO YOUR POLICIES.

thus losing all the money they had paid
10 the companies. or are making settlement with the
companies the basis OF the premiums which they have
already paid and getting out In that they
rce little but they something out OF the wreck
These policy holders unwise. Vast amounts of
crookedess have been revealed In the big companies and
some policy holders that the rest of the companies
also honeycombed with graft. This is unsafe
deduction. The companies which have been chiefly
for the benefit their leading officials and friends are
probably very few. Aud general hOusecleaning has
place in those few Corrupt and extravagant Off
have been thrown ont and men who will the
companies In the interest Of those who pay in the
ey-that u.s. in the interest of the policy holders-have
been installed. great Improvement has been forced in
personnel and the management Of the big companies.
This change, 1t is likely. will be permanent.
Under the conditions a policy is worth In
Truth. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1901-1908, 1906-09-29

first year, with the certainty of a
steady increase.
Some opposition to the forest re.
serve policy developed among such
representatives of the old frontier
ideas as Senator Hepburn of Idaho.
The congress disappointed the Pres.
ident, too, by protesting against JUS
tice to the Philippines in the matter
of the tariff, on the ground that Amer.
leans wanted to raise beet sugar on
the arid lands and objected to com.
petition. 1t recited the fact that the
sugar beet industry in arid America
already returned to the farmers an
annual revenue of more than $4,000.
600, and asserted that the production
at home of the sugar now imported
from the tropics would give our farm.
ers an additional market worth nearly
$1OO,00,000 year. This objection, OF
course, would be still more strenuous
ly urged against the proposed annex
alton of Cuba, accompanied by the
free Cuban sugar, without which all
the desire for annexation now pre-
vailing on the island would disap
pear.
Truth. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1901-1908, 1906-09-29
WAR ON THE DESERT.

The Irrigation congress that was in
session at Boise City in the week be-
ginning September 8, says Golfers,
brought together thousands of dele
gates, representing half the states OF
the union. 1t was an Imposing meas
ure of the growth of an industry
mighty in its infancy. In a letter read
at the opening meeting, President
Roosevelt announced that the Recla
nation Service was employing over
four hundred skilled engineers and
experts, and that construction was al
ready well advanced on twenty-three
great enterprises in the arid states
and territories. Over million acres
Of land had been laid out for irriga
ton, of which two hundred thousand
were already under ditch; eight hun
dred miles Of canals and bitches and
six miles of tunnels had been COM
pleted; over ten thousand square
miles of country had been thorough
ly surveyed, and twenty thousand
miles of level lines had been run.
At the time Of writing more than ten
tousand men and about five thousand
horses were employed.
The President reminded the con-
gress that lands reclaimed by irriga-
ton at the public expense were in
very different position from those
carved by the settlers own efforts out
Of the wilderness. A farm Of one
hundred and sixty acres, which might
be a reasonable homestead on the
prairies, would be a monopoly holding
in an irrigated region where forty, or
even five, acres would support fam
lily and keep it busy. Hence President
Roosevelt insisted that "the require
ment of the Reclamation Act that the
size of the farm unit shall be limited
in each region to the area which will
comfortably support one family must
be enforced in letter and spirit"
The Forest Service work showed
the Presidents praise with that of the
Reclamation Service. It's purpose he
defined to be ito make every resource
of the forset reserves contribute In
the highest degree to the permanent
prosperity of the people who depend
upon them"
He conveyed the encouraging infor'
nation that the Forest Service had
proved that forest fires could be con-
trolled. In 1905. after it had been in
operation for only one year. only one
tenth of one per cent of the area of
the forest reserves was burned over.
The stockman and settlers had learn.
ed to cooperate with the governments
officers, the sources of the streams up
on which the arid lands depended for
irrigation were being preserved, and
a certain and permanent source of
local revenue was being developed,
for ten per cent of all the money re-
ceived from the reserves went to the
counties in which they lay, to be used
for school purposes. This contribu-
ton amounted to nearly $4,000 the
Truth. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1901-1908, 1906-09-29
MAN WANTED.

Somewhere near Salt Lake City to
assist us in showing and selling
properties. No experience necessary,
If willing to let us teach you the real
estate business. Salary $4,000 a
month, to honest man, willing to de-
vote part Of his time to this business.
COOPERATIVE LAND. CO.,
Andrus Bldg, Minneapolis, MINI.
Truth. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1901-1908, 1906-09-29
Johnny Jones' Latin.

One day at Latin recitation Johnny
Jones was SO drowsy that when the
professor asked for the conjugation
Of a certain verb he failed to catch
1t, and turning to his bosom friend
inquired: what verb?" "Damfino."
whispered his classmate. "Damfno,
damfinare, damfinai, damflnatum!
said Johnny Jones to the Mortified
ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS Magazine.
Truth. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1901-1908, 1906-09-29
Foolishness.

es," sadly unused the little man
with the Ive-been-there-and 1T
air, there is only one man who is a
bigger fool than the. fool that rocks
the boat-and he's the one that tries
to get back at his mother-in-law."-
American Spect .or.
Truth. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1901-1908, 1906-09-29
Balloon a French Invention,

The first balloon was made by
Jacques Eitenne Montgolfier, of An.
nonay, France, in 1853, and the
French have maintained the leader.
ship in balloon flying.
The Chickasha daily express. (Chickasha, Indian Territory [Okla.]) 1899-current, 1906-05-21
RHEUMATISM MAKES LIFE
MISERABLE.

RHEUMATISM MAKES LIFE
MISERABLE.
A happy home is the most valua.
bic possession that is within the
reach of mankindn, but you cannot
enjoy its comforts if you are suffer
ing from rhumatism. You throw
aside business cares when you enter
your home and you can be relieved
from those rheumatic pains also by
applying Chamberlain's Pain Balm.
One application will give you relief
and Its cotinued use for a short
time will bring about a permanent
cure. For sale by "All Druggist
SadIef & Cochran loans money
at s percent. Is-tf
If it comes from the Owl Drug
Store 1t is all right. 16-tf
DR.. D. E. Foster has located a
permanent dental Office in Chick
asha, with 1 CIiors Boone ani
Penquite in tie HollS1gsworth
building, 5ri and ( hiclasha Ave.
He will be he re each month from
the 75th to the goth. If