Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1906-09-21

Some cooks bake with cottolene,
lard,
. use no grease at all,
But their crusts are mighty hard.
Some men chew their plug tobacco,
the tag,
never work their Jaws
Except TO chew the rag.
Some men put their "ad' in papers,
them on the fence,
never advertise,
Who ought to have more sense.
p. S.-This is a word-saving poem.
Patent applied for.
Pure elections and safeguards for
the ballot, must be insisted upon.
More is accomplished by working
for good than by merely fighting evil.
Josh Billings is vindicated, at last.
"All things comes to him who waits"
you know.
1t is fitting that Presidential ad.
ministration of mere words should end
in blaze OF spelling reform.
A policy is radical when Mr.. Bryan
takes it up, but is called conservative
when Mr.. Roosevelt adopts it.
The practice Of throwing bombs at
weddings, instead of rice, originated
at Madrid. 1t has been taken up in
Russia.
There is delight in conversation with
an intellectual woman, but as a steady
diet perhaps it might grow tiresome to
the average man.
Rents are high in Seattle-abomin.
inably, atrociously high. Everybody
works but the "rooms for rent" land
lord 10 the Queen City.
Mrs. Leslie Carter. Payne's new con-
tract is for 100000 a year for five
years. 1t is to be hoped her ma.ri-
monial contract will last longer.
Even the blossoms of alfalfa do not
waste all their sweetness on the desert
air. The bees gather from them the
clearest and purest honey that Nature
distils.
Some one must be very i'll at Walla
Walla. Several days have passed, and
no political, sensational dispatch, has
been sent out from tho Garden City,"
It's overdue.
The Seattle Times sneered at the
P.-L. for printing municipal ownership
matter, as paid advertising, and few
days afterwards accepted the same
matter itself.
This summer we have heard nothing
of the sea serpent. He has taken to
the neither deeps, having doubtless
heard of the slaughter in the maya.
zines among the land octopi.
Olympia Young Man: "She al.
ways calls things by their right
Names"
Olympia Young Woman: "What
horrible name did she call your"
After all, it is not surprising that,
having nearly exhausted all ordinary
words in preaching reforms which fail
to perform, President Roosevelt has
decided to adopt new language.
One hears q great deal oondemna-
tory Of women gossips, but I know two
or three humans right here in Olym.
pia who wear pants that can discount
most any woman in this qualification.
"Moclips, By the Sea-" is the title Of
Q new two-step. 1t is published in
Aberdeen. If Moclips has any respect
for itself, it will apologize to the pub.
lie soon as it reads this paragraph.
Ugh!
Mrs. Newrich, OF Fairbanks: "Did
1 you bathe during your visit to West
port, by the sea?"
Mrs. Highsociety: "No, l had in
tended to do go, but another lady was
using the ocean,"
Tho Panama police having cap.
tured seventeen generals and one priv.
ate Of the revolutionary force in that
two-by.twice republic, the insurgents
are now safely under guard and sweet
peace reigns supreme.
equal rights to ALL" doesn't mean
that vice and virtue are to be allowed
the same freedom. For instance, it
doesn't mean that one man has a.
much right 10 steal horses as another
has to run . grocery store.
Seattle 10 to have q publication
known as the Muck Rake. 1t 10 to be
founded by the late proprietor of the
Pessinsist. Gee! Seattle must have a
large stock OF dirty linen 10 be laun-
dried through such papers.
NAKED Truth" 10 an expression
according to the fable, had its origin
in Truth and Falsehood bathing to.
gether. "Falsehood came out OF the
water aud dressed himself in Truths
garments. Truth. unwilling to take
those OF Falsehood, went naked"
The editor OF q weekly paper pub
lished in Eastern Washington decided
to try " fonetic" spelling in his paper,
and the experience seemed a success
until he got the following: "Dere
Sur-I hav TUX yur paper fur leven
yeres, butt Of yew kant spell eny better
than yew hav bin doin fer the last to