davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1906-07-01
Turning the Tables.

An English landlord. being suspicious
that some tenant was trespassing on
his hunting grounds. resolved to dis
cover the culprit. He watched for sew
oral mornings to no avail Rising ear
ller one morning, and walking thru the
park. he came suddenly upon Patrick
Flynn, carrying a well-filled hunting
bag. Pat, surprised and somewhat dis
concerted, looked up and said:
: Good mornin', yer honor; and why
are We walkin3 so, airlyg''
Oh, replied the landlord, careless
~, was just out to get an appetite
for my breakfast then added fiercely
and now, may ask why you are
walking so early9'
Pat replied, with equal carelessness:
Yer honor, / was Just out to get
a breakfast for my appetite. !"
R. L. B.
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1906-07-01
The Hawaiian Servant.

Hawaiian servants, said woman of
some experience of them, arce.the best
in the world, but they are strMgely I'M
sophisticated, strangely naive. They
insist on calling you by your first name
Ours were always saying to my hus,
band. eyes, John,' or "All right,
John, and to me, Every well, Ann, y
or Cam, am going OUT
At last I got very tired of this, and
to John, when we got a new cook. I
said: "Don' It ever call me by my first
name in the new cook s presence. Then
perhaps, not knowing my name, he II
call me Mrs.
So John was very careful always ia
address me as "Dearie' or "Sweet.
heart,' but the new cook, a watchfu]
chap, gave me no title at all.
One day we had some company, some
English officers. + told them how !
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1906-07-01
A Russell Sage Story.

s II. !. That g, Russell Sage has a Sperspicuous
thing. doubt if he was ever duped On
an investment yet. They say that two
promoters once called con Mr.. Sage. to.
try to interest him in a certain scheme
OF theirs. They talked to the great
fnancier about an hour, Fhon they took
their leave, having been told that Mr..
Sage's. decision would be mailed to
them in Q few days. <s;:sss ...a
Il believe we've got him, said the
first promoter, hopefully, on the way
up town. ''I< don't know, rejoined the
other. - He seems very suspicious. ~ ~, .
tSuspiciousa" asked the first. z. w hat
makes you think he was suspicioussoy
Didn't you notice." was the re-
ply, Hhow he counted his fingers after
| had shaken hands with him ~ j ~.
Owatonna, MINI. M. K.
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1906-07-01
Didn't Miss the Train.

Some time since two merry sons Of
the land of the shamrock were walking
down a railroad track of one of the
suburban lines, and SO interested were
they in an animated conversation that
they didn't hear the rumble of the train
that was bearing down on them.
The warning whistle came too late
for one of them, and before he could
sidestep he was urgently lifted to a
bank some feet away. Instead of dy-
ing on the spot, he sat up, rubbed his
eyes few times, and then his face
broke into a broad smile.
"Shure, Moike,'' said the one who
had nimbly jumped from the track and
escaped a rude jar, do yez think it is
joke to be kilt7'
7'Begorra. an who said it was ~
returned Mike.
"Then what are yez GRIMM about,
we haythen9" asked Pat.
~" Nothin - was the reply" except
that was the furrst time in me loife
that I didn It miss train H. T.
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1906-07-01
"a Lesson in Translation.

vi Mrs. Smith, teacher in ono of the
schools in tho city, gave a boy by thu
name of Johnnie Wilson three words
to look up at home in the dictionary,
They were as follows: Transparent,
He was lazy, SO he said to his father.
/, Say, pa, what does transcontinent
= g 1t means to. cross the continent, but
don't ask me anything more. !"
But, pa, what does transatlantic
1fleang,' Z.
g.s.It means to cross the Atlantic; but
didn t i tell you keep stills ~
Say, pa. does transparent mean q
cross! parentf'' 81.
/, s 4. 4. (. Miss O. u. Nelson.
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1906-07-01

=
thing was wrong with the machinery.
The circumstance was reported to the
head Of the firm, before whom Willie
was summoned
You have done me great services.
my lad" said the genial chief. I'm
future your wages win be increased by
81 weekly.
,.. aTh hank you, SIR" sir, said the brigh.
worth it, and to be good servant
to you"
The reply struck the chief almost az
much as the lads previous service had
DONE
"That g the right spirit. my lad"
he said. SIN all the years have been
in business, no one has thanked me in
that way. | will make the increase SO.
Now what do you say to thatf''
"Well sir, said Willie, after mo-
mcnt's hesitation, would you mind il
I said it again7"
WillInar, MINI. Annie Elfstrum.;
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1906-07-01
A PesSinist.

ST Hanks lived in a small town. Not
unlike other small towns, the men gath
cred after their evening meal on the
:" main'' street to watch the passers-b by
and to find out "the news.''
ST Hanks was absent two evenings,
but the third evening found him at his
post-his feet dangling from a dry
goods box and his mouth full of to-
bacco.
ttWal, Si,'' said an approaching over.
allied friend, "how's the rheumatic? ]
see you re able to git out, SO 1 'spect
it must be BETTER
"Not a gol darned bit of. it," says
ST., "Why, Yesterday I could riz my
arm SO high (swinging his arm over his
head), and today can riz it only sc
high' (holding it Imply, below shout
der level.) -. e. D.
Utica. MINI. -
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1906-07-01
Reforning a Parrot,

II. A maiden lady of 'Penzance, Eng
land, oWneda parrot, which somehow
acquired the. habit Of saying often:
T:5el wish the old lady would die.
q This annoyed the bird owner, who
spoke to her curate about it.
Si1lI think we, can rectify the NATTER
replied the good man. 81 also have q
parrot, and he is a righteous bird. |
influence Will reform yours
1.-The birds were placed in the same
room, and the bad bird said as usual: 5
= - wish the<old lady would die. y
Whereupon the clergyman bird
rolled up his eyes and in a solemn &C
cent, added: III h
I'VE beseech Thee to hear US, good
Lord. = r, =. ;ss M. V. F.
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1906-07-01
A Family Resemblance,

At the Grant family dinners Major
General Frederick D. Grant: told this
story on himself y '1.%. -. d. i .:, g.
: II was booked to, speak at a large
dinner in town and the POSTMASTER: felt
it incumbent upon him to; make my
path as smooth as possible. He there
fore spoke of my father and said I
strongly resembled him. This had the
desired effect on the people present,
and they gave me their best attention:
",Altho spoke as we'll as I could, I
in me, and I sat down with refief that
it was over. The POSTMASTER rose and
smiled at me. Then he said to the
guests: -.sv> =, ,4.s-...v 80 )
:" Didn It I tell you he was just like
his father9 He can't speak worth a
cent. - 49,. Mrs. H. R.
Milroy, MINI. ~
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1906-07-01
His idea of a King.

The following incident occurred in
the Methodist Sunday school in one Of
the most cody towns of Minnesota.
The Sunday school lesson was from
the fourth chapter of Daniel. the story
of King Nebuchadnezzar' 3 madness.
One of the elders of the church had
a class of small boys. and during the
course of the lesson he thought he
would find out whether they understood
what great dignitary = king was, and
SO he asked them,
''How many Of you little boys know
what king isl"
One little hand was raised.
"Well, Johnnie,'' said the teacher,
edo you know what king isi'
Eyes. I know all the cards. +"
Mortified, MINI. &C. NJ. n.
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1906-07-01

had overcome, in my new cooks case,
the native servants horrid abuse Of
their employer = Christian names, and
! said: By this servant, at least,
you don't hear me called Ann y
just then the new cook entered the
room. He bowed to me respectfully
and said:
Sweetheart, dinner is served!,'
Whatl" I stammered. III
: Dinner is served, dearie!'' an,
swered the new cook. s;, IN.
Litchfeld, MINI. ,.. :. ,e-I.s.
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1906-07-01
Thrust and Counterthrust

I'm certain vicinity lived an old
priest whose credulity was the source
of many a joke and a great deal of
amusement to his friends. particularly
those of other denominations than his
own. = =.
On one occasion a young man, bent
on having some fun. accosted him and
said: Father, have you heard the
news? Well, the bottom fell out of
heaven last night and all the Catholics
fell into hell. - F..
The priest was silent for a moment
and then, shaking his head sadly, ex
claimed: "What an awful crushing tho
poor Protestants must have got. -
- = = =, -, !. - &C ia
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1906-07-01
Why He Fished.

A wanderer thru South Carolina
watched an old negro fishing in brick
yard pond for forty minutes. during
which time the hook was not pulled up.
"Do you think there are any fish
Thereof he asked at last. -
"No sab; / reckon not
'.But you seem to be fshingi"
eyes. sah'
fish. What is your objectf"
ode objick, sab of my fshin fob fish
whah dey hain't any fish, is to let de
ole woman see DAT I hahn t got no time
to hoe de truck in de gyahdin patch. |"
&C. Berghius.
Clara City, MINI.
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1906-07-01
THIRD PRIZE.
This Story Gets So.
The Natural Way.

A philanthropic person heard of a
negro family that was in destitute cir
cumstances. The family consisted Of
the mother, son nearing manhood s
The benevolent old gentleman called
to investigate the matter, and after
listening to the mothers story, gave
the eldest son 81 to buy chicken for
the Thanksgiving dinner, and took his
departure.
No sooner was he gone than the ne
gress said to her son: "Samboo, you
done glib me dat dollar and go get dat
chicken in the natcheral way.'
Litchfield Mimi F N
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1906-07-01
The Credit Svstem.

z A little girl came into grocery store
one day and said to the proprietor:
Ma wants a quarters worth O. sugar
an 80 cents worth o. -four, an ma
SEE she u send me over with dollar as
soon s dad gets home.
"And say continued the girl. "ma
wants me to bring her the 25 cents
change" Mae Chiffon.
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1906-07-01
Uncle Sam Candy.

Watching parade in which the stars
and stripes were an important feature,
was fair Canadian with strong Brit
ishh procliYities. In commenting on the
merits of the display, she pettishlv re-
marked to her companions: "That
American flag makes me sick. It looks
Just, like piece Of checkerberry
candy
Senator Hoar, standing near, turned
to. the. young lady and said: eyes.
miss, it does; and it makes every one
sick who ever tries to lick it,"
Glencoe, MINI. C. K.
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1906-07-01
!: Ills Circus Dollar.

=, The collector managed to collect a
dollar from a certain hard customer,
who gave it UP very reluctantly, say
Ing 1T was his last dollar. r ....e5.
That AFTERNOON theecollector went, to
this man Just ahead of him in line for
tickets. He kept still, however, till
the mans turn came, and when he
handed, up his dollar for his ticket the
collector slapped him on the shoulder
Why, I; thought you gave me your
lie r dfaT Tsd 5sstatsa why m9H Rs Nff &c
next-to the-last one!e' ,ass ~. 't~E>,< ;
W =. -. &C. Al. Blomberp. .
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1906-07-01
The Real Miracle.

A negro preacher once addressed his
being " Miracles saying as follows:
= MY beloved friends, de greatest of
all miracles was bout de loaves and
fishes. Dcy was five thousand loaves
and two thousand fishes, and de twelve
''postles had to eat 'em all. De miracle
is, friends, dey' didn' t bust -
Moorhead, MINI. 20. R. Nc.
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1906-07-01
SECOND PRIZE.
This Story Gets So.
The Irish of It.

Two Irishmen who were travelling
across country on foot, stopped at a
small village hotel over night. During
the night a heavy rainstorm came up,
with the usual accompaniment of thun-
der and lightning. ->. .----.....s
In the morning one asked the other.
Mike, did yez Shape good last
night?'
"Niver better, Pat,' replied Mike
"Whol do we a-ask9" b..
"There wuz tur-r-rible storm, and
the thunder wuz simply awful"
"The divil we sayl' said Mike
'"Thin, begorry. whoi didn't yez wake
me oops Yez know Oh can t shape
when it thunders. ~ E. M. D.
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1906-07-01
A Lively Squirrel

It was warm evening and ele etric
fans were humming in the business dis
trict, when fat German entered the
drug store and called for ice cream.
Suddenly he espied the electric fan
which was new to him. He looked OF.
with perplexed face for several mos
ments. Finally, with broad grin, he
addressed bystander: j" BY golly, they
hat got tam lively squirrel"
Hooper, Neb. -. BE-, A, G.,
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1906-07-01

out and they could get the money they
paid for their admission back.
After this, the child really settled
down and became quiet The play,
which had four acts, went on and af-
ter. the t4ird act Mr.. Levy said to his
wife: Sarah, how do you like the
play She said: "Not little bit. -
4 Well, he said, 81 don't like it
either, SO you. had better pinch Maxyf'
Chicago, Ill. j. 4.
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1906-07-01
Neighborly Courtesies.

A merry party being gathered in a
city fat made such racket that the
occupant of neighboring apartment
sent his servant down; with a polite
message asking if it would be possible
for the party to tnaks loss snoise,s since,
as the servant announced, Mr.. Smith
says that he. dannot read. O&%9 .>ss.a.. i.
~ am very sorry for Mr.. Smith, !"
replied the host. "Please present my
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1906-07-01
A Chicago Theater Story.

:. Mrs, and Mrs. Levy and their son,
Maxy, went; to theater. Soon after
they were seated Maxy, who was an
unruly child, began to cry. :. The usher
came to Mr. Levy and asked him to
keep his boy quiet; this Mr.. Levy
tried to do, but was not successful.
The usher again appealed to the father
and. told him that if the child would
not stop crying they must take him
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1906-07-01
Wonder. If Tt HappIened.

4; Her dear little brother came into the
somewhat darkened room where sat his
sister with Mr.. Jones. =.
"Do you know what I think, sister
dearq' he asked sweetly. =.
r. No. said the sister, "what is it?'
y "W WE'LL said the boy, "I think if
| were not in the room Mr.. Jones would
kiss you >>E,s q. 49,, =, ?.
"You impudent boy,'' said the sis
ter. Leave the room instantly !
Montevideo, MINI. r. IT. E. G.. E
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1906-07-01

the close scrutiny Of a fellow passenger,
an elderly lady of motherly appearance.
The examination continued for soma
time, when the old lady tiptoed over to
Mrs. Hadley and whispered sympathet-
ically in her ear: f,...-.
.You poor thing, know all about it.
I know just how to synpathizc with
you. We have one in our family, too"
Osakis, MINI. 20. f. Warberg.
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1906-07-01
Missouri Measure.

A prospective buyer was inquiring
of Missouri farmer how much corn
he raised the year before on, certain
piece of land :, 4 ~ n.t... ~
Well, don It exactly KNOW re-
piled the farmer. Give fed a heap,
sold a power and have a right smart
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1906-07-01
Willie Will Get On,

Willie Thompson, the office boy to a
large firm Of publishers, was smart
lad and when recently he was sent to
a message he noticed at once that some
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1906-07-01
Where to Look for Him,

Bishop Peck of the Methodist church
was large man, weighing over three
hundred and fifty pounds. While on a
tour, and stopping at the residence of
a presiding elder, the bishop turned
over in his bed and the entire furni-
ture collapsed, dropping him to the
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1906-07-01

s Mrs. Jones Do YOU remember our
courtship, Johng How YOU breathed
words Of love and s.4 Z
Mr.. ,onesY es;. | wish now ! had
Followed the medical advice to keep
crooIsto an NM NM Wnne GTeaI & RSda
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1906-07-01
His Full Name

" ragged, seedy tramp entering q
manufacturer' office, asked:s
sttI want a job. - 81 ~. 81 81
:. ...;NHery well; what is your name9"
- SAM %Es>& q ai.'"gsS =, ....
j" What is your full name7"
Sam, when I'm FULL ~.
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1906-07-01
TIE MINNEAPOLIS JOURNAL

lpur with tremendous thnd The pre-
/ siding cldcr rushed upstairs, calling,
~, WHas Is the matter, hishopf is there
anything can do for vous I 3S
the bishop; 'shut fiji don't answer the
call for breakfast. tell your vito to
look for me in the collar.
g. Berghuis,
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1906-07-01
Sunday, July i, 1906.

commitments to your rhasSr, sHy tihSS.ss
I am sorry he cannoa read, and tel hiry.
I could when was 4 'yeers CID !. s..
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1906-07-01
FIRST PRIZE.
This Story Gets S..
Saved by Music,

Jack London, the author, was intro
duced one day to a musician.
81, too, am a musician in a small
way London said. my musical tai
ent once saved my life'
"How was that9' the musician
asked.
in my bovSood Frs a hend On o9F t9wn
the water struck our house my father
got on. a bed and foated with the
stream till he was rescued.'
And you?'' said the musician.
"Well,' said London, ~ accompa.
MED him on the piano. N. Q.
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1906-07-01

Woman's Sympathy.
President Hadley of Yale, who was
given to staring vacantly when deeply
meditating, was travelling with his wife
recently when they became aware of
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1906-07-01

s=sgss.EgsS eSEgs5a5sg 3
zgEsGz5.s:: zs?E.SS5555z==a5E. :
) .s5s&g=sz=z=Ezzg.=Egzzz
ga '55Ss So :
5zsgss= =z5sGg532sssEss = Z
sEs= @ss5SsSeegSsg
sSgssESTses seSssSsssa- <
zggss5g
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1906-07-01
But, Alas, Too late.

Clara City, MINI. 55l3ss
Bluefield evening leader. [volume] (Bluefield, W. Va.) 1906-1911, 1906-07-17
NS&XMN0ito|k&WeSterr|
Schedule in Effect
May 81. 1906.

Leave Bluetield $50 a. IN. for Re-
anoke. Lynchburg. Norfolk and all
points on the Shenandoah division.
run man SLEEPER To RoanoFe AMI Ro
anoke To New York, via Hagerstown
Parlor car Roanoke 10 Norfolk
S:15 a. m. daily for Roanoke and
intermediate points
$50 y. IN. for Roanoke and Lynch
burg and intermediate stations and
the Shenandoah Valley. Philadelphia
and New York. Sleeper To Philadel-
Roanoke TO Richmond
33 p m. for Roanoke. Lynch
burg, Richmond. Norfolk. Pullman
sleeper East Radford to Norfolk and
Lynchburg to Richmond. Cafe Car
Trains arrive at Blueheld from the
east ut S;5S. a. m. 1855. y. m, sos
p. m. and 9:05 y. m.
From the west Mt 500 a. m. 500
a. m. 2:05 p. m, and Sis p. m.
Leave Biuefield at S:l5 p. IN. for
Kenova. Columbus and all points
west and northwest. Pullman sleep
ers for Columbus and Cincinnati. o.
Cafe car.
eos "A. m. for Kenova. Cincinnati,
Portsmouth. Columbus. St Louis
Through Pullman sleepers to- Colum-
bus. Cafe car.
Leave y; 10 a. m and , u. nj
daily for Tazewell. Norton. and all
stations on Clinch VALLEY division. =
Arrive from Norton and all points
on the-Clinch Valley division at 2.3h
and 1855 p. m.
Leave $3.50 a. m. for Kenova and
intermediate stations via Wayne.
Leave 800 and 2:30 p. m. for
Welch and intermediate stations.
For Pocahontas o so a. m. sos
a. IN. 2:30 p. m. and $40 p. m. Ar
rive from Pocahontas at 500 "A. m.
2:06 p. IN. and Sis y. m
For Bramwell. leave Bluefeld & 90
a. IN. sos u. IN. 2:30 p. m and 8 3
p. IN.
Call on agent Norfolk and Western
Railway, for tickets. maps, and add
tional information.
w. d. BEVII.L, q. r. A.
Oo.0oka We
Bluefield evening leader. [volume] (Bluefield, W. Va.) 1906-1911, 1906-07-17
EXCELLENT BUSI-
NESS OPPORTUNITY

A half interest i'm an ex-
cellent business at Tip Top,
Va, will be sold to the right
kind of man upon reasona-
bic terms. | have a well
selected stock of general
Merchandise and the best
trade on the Clinch Valley
Division of the Norfolk and
Western Railway. Reason
for selling is that / wish to
give my exclusive attention
to my farming interest. If
YOU want a good thing now
is your opportunity.
Address or call on the un-
dersigned,
II. r.. SMOOT,
lip Top, Va.
Bluefield evening leader. [volume] (Bluefield, W. Va.) 1906-1911, 1906-07-17
THE
BLUEFIELD
DAILY LEADER

Having been published
three months, has existed
long enough to give assur-
ance Of future success. 1T
has done more than a great
many other newspapers
have done in the beginning.
1t has paid it way from the
start, with every promise of
an increased patronage in
the future.
That the publication Of this
journal has met with Obsta-
cles, is not disputed, but un-
der eisting conditions, it has
made remarkable strides
forward and still hopes for n
greater prosperity.
The field is here for such
a newspaper, and if our
friends will only have conf
dence and continue their
patronage we shall soon
have a better newspaper in
every way and established
in such a manner that Obsta-
Icles will appear in it's career
no longer.
If you want a good dem
ocratic newspaper in Blue
/ field, now is your Opportuni-
/ ty to give it that support
which will make il more
readable and more attract.
i've.
Bluefield evening leader. [volume] (Bluefield, W. Va.) 1906-1911, 1906-07-17
FURNITURE,
STOVES AND
RANGES.

We are now in our new
store, No. - Blucfeld Ave,
next door to the West End
Drug Co., where we have a
large stock or House Fur
mishings, such as Bed Room
Suits, Rockers, Iron Beds,
Chairs, Bed Lounges, Book
Cases, Desks, Straw Mating
ca large line just received.)
Art Squares, Rugs, Lace
Curtains, Sideboards, Com
bination Cases, Safes, Re
frigerators, Sunshine stoves
and Good VIII Steel Ranges,
the best in the world. We
will be pleacd to see you and
show you through our new
house and new goods. Prices
are the lowest.
Yours TO Please,
FLAT TOP FURNI-
TURF COMPANY,
Phone 4S3.
No. IS Bluefeld Avenue.