The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1906-04-01

a leg. SO I lined out for Town so as to
get a barber to fix me up with ile and
mustach blackn' and sch. until Solo
mon in all his glory would look like thlr-
ty cents.
Il never does know how the effluvlum
starts. The niger barber was about half
drunk, and a devlllish medical student
mixed up some awful smelling stuff in
his bay rum, and things-some odorifer-
Gus drops named suthin' like by-suphlde
of Carbon, that smelt wuss'nt carrion.
Fust thing | knowed the fool Niger had
sozzled a lot of It on my hair which |
didn't much notice at the time on ac-
count of the barber-shop havin a lot
of sweet-smellin' truck on hand | was
about half-asleep, comfortable in the
BARRIERS cheer, thinkn' of Meelie and
the picnic, while the voluble Senegam-
bian was sawin' away with his barrel
hoop of razor, an askin' me If | didn't
want some Esau Hair Invigeraer on my
hair Told him to slap 1t on, I wanted
to dude up with everything in his shop.
THE Niger said the Esau Hair Invig-
orator was certain remedy for dandruff,
scruff, itching of the scalp, capillary
epiglottis. CHAMBERS, ringworm bone spav-
in, and all pulmonary diseases of the
hair. There wasn't nothin' the matter
with my tresses, fact is, | had as much
wool as a poodle-dog and after he had
poured on a gill, and towzled up my
head, my auburn, Lee county hair looked
like scrambled eggs. Niger said 1T was
owing to the ingredients composing 1t,
which short exposure to the air would
dissipate. An he narrated that it was
made of purest olive lie. the lymph of
the Cashmere goat. liquified air, and com
pound extract of hyosciamus. Noticed at
If ha
pound was slightly robust; but jess spos-
ed that it was because the barber had
been talxin assafldity for his nerves
after awhile the customers in the
shop begun to look suspicious, and one
of em suggested to the barber that
the gas was escapin. while an
OTTER Teller jumped ON the plumbers of
the town for lettin' sewer-gas git so
rank folks couldn't stand 1t. Another
customer got out of a chair and swore
he wouldn't git shaved in shop where
they kept Limburger cheese All this
time I'm dreamn' away In onheedn' In
noeence, never being conscious of any
fragrance stronger than niger camp
meetin'. | left there pntn' out for the
picnic unsuspectin' as a babe unborn.
Up TO this time that sulnhide of carbon
didn't have me thoroughly convinced
cos while | thought from the faint in the
atmosfear, that the farmers was a leetld
early about. buyin, their guano, yet /
never suspected that I was the party
who was so pquant-If | had. you can
Jess but I'd hunted up Dock Pearson and
cast myself upon him as sacred trust,
"As l Journeys along to them sylvan
festivities, mounted proudly ON the YER.
andy of a bay mule, my heart singin
iocund lay. wherein Nellie Preston was.
the theme; wayfaiin nabors 'ud stop for
a few minutes, to pass the time of, day
with me. and arter a sentance or two of
desultory conversaich. they'd appear to
get sea-sick. and ride hastily on. Byncn
bye it occurred to me, from the rancid
tang of the spicy southern breeze that
maybe, there was dead boss up the
branch, but not seem no buzzards in
the air caused me to dismiss the thought
as imaginary. Arrivin' at the picnic
grounds | lit, and hitched my mule; when
Deacon Chambers bull dog Rather. gave
one astonished yelp, tucked his tail, and
run under the church, whur he barricaded
hissef all day, at intervals givin foarth
long mournful howl, like he alters did
when there was a corpse in the settle
ment. Hawses begun to rar, and try
to break loose. and babies got to crying
with that breath-holdin cry that skeers
young mother into the fantards. 1t
was hot day, and | took off my hat to
1
sorter susplcioned that maybe the chemist
that had fixed up the BARRIERS Easu in
vig'rater had put in some hgher-see-
Amos when Amos was In the last stages
of decay.
at amt no hyperberlee to state that by
this time this we're smell begun to APP
pear in public and it warnt no shy violet,
nuther. Yet I accounted for the fetid
odor of things about the picnic grounds
on ha hat sir hoI lii
chicken under the floor of the church. /
took a survey of the picnic pageant and
seen nellie Preston sittin' on log all by
herself, lookin' good ernuff to bite an
/ surged over in that direction but Old
Doctor Bledsoe headed me Off and look
In me in the eye while he held his nose,
he says mighty serious: LOCKER here,
Goggins. thurs somethin' awful the mat
ter with your system. your feet or
your liver. or your teeth. In my umbull
opinion modification has set in
"Old Gran-pap Manning. who was 9S
year old, and hadn't smelt a thing in
forty year. come up about that time an
as he shifted the air. he said Folks
oughtnt to be let To dry green bids close
TO a chu' chit ort to be ergin' the lor'
Fool like, / wouldn't take none of these
hints but made toa'rds Meelie like
duck after a June bug. About hat way
to her that orful stencil begun to git ac-
ton on itsef and old lIgher-se9- Amos
jess rolled over and breathed. / stopped
a little. out arter examinin' myself | de-
cided | was all squ-gee, and so / sprad-
died ahead. When IN about ten feet OF
Meele she begun TO turn pale about the
gills and maxim frantic motions of wav-
ing me away with both hands. she fell
over In a dead faint. | made Il bee line
for my mule got away from thar. jess
httin' the high places in the landscape.
and this ended my love affair, and my
Greer on Harrakip-"