Heppner gazette. [volume] (Heppner, Morrow County, Or.) 1892-1912, 1906-04-12
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The Old Story.-"But, papa, he says
he can't live without me-" Give us q
new one; told that same story to
your mother.'
The Automobile Fright.-Sdney
Why don't you talk as we ride? Rod.
ncy-Well! 1 can't think with my
bair standing on end.
No Escape.-Bel Boy (outside of
room 55)-Say, the gas is Escaping in
there. Countryman Inside OF room
55,-No, 1t amt; locked the door.
A Vacuum.-A pupil in Lynn
Mass.) school was asked by his teacher
to give the definition of vacuum
Il can't just describe It," said he, but
have 1t In my head
Wanted Circus.-The Child-Are
you the trained nurse mamma said
was coming? The Nurseries, dear;
Tll the trained nurse. The Child-Let's
see some Of your tricks
Those Foreigners.-Doctor after
careful examination)-Some foreign
substance is lodged in your eye. Den
nis--Oi knOwed ut! Thots what o.
sit FIR wurrukin' wild them Dagoes!
She Whistles.-IAn Irishman asked
Scotchman one day why railway
engine was called she" Sandy re-.
piled: perhaps it's on account Of the
horrible noise it makes when it tries
to whistle"
There She Blows!'-On the voyage
the millionaire plumber rubbed bis
Lands in ecstasy. "hy is he SO
happy?' asked a passenger. Because"
whispered the captain, ''he imagines
each spout is bursted water pipe, to
be repaired at regular rates"
What He Hurt-A well-known
judge fell down fight of stairs, re-
cording his passage by bump IN
e cry step until he reached the bot
tom A servant ran to his assistance,
and, raising him up, said: Il hope
your honor Is not hurt?" NO" said
the Judge, sternly, my honor is no:
burt, but my head is"
Not wonderful!-le pointed out to a
newly arrived Paddy the grandeur OF
the Niagara with the words, There,
now! Isn't it wonderful?" "Wonther-
full replied Pat; whats wontherful"
"Why, to see all that water come
laundering over those rocks! "O1
can't see anything wontherful in that
what is there to hinder it from COM
irg overW
Goals to Observation-Disclosures Is
meant, John, by the phrase, carrying
Goals to NewcastleT Husband-It is
a metaphor, my dear, showing the do
Ing of something that Is unnecessary.
Wife-I don't exactly understand. Give
me an illustration-a familiar one.
Husband-Well, if l were to bring you
home book entitled, How to Talk
that would be carrying Goals to New-
castle.
The Way out Of It.-When prea ching
fer public charity, note was hand
ed up to the clergyman, asking II 1t
would be right for a bankrupt to con-
tribute. Having answered that such
would be robbery, the
speaker added: And. my brethren, I
would most strongly advise you, who
are not insolvent, to contribute this
r.orning, since If you are seen to pass
the plate your neighbors will be suro
to say, That's he! That's the bank
rupt""
Ee Waited-"Supposing you watt
here In this comfortable seat by the
elevator while | match these two sam
pies of ribbon" said Mrs. Mayfair
sweetly to her husband. who had been
into going shopping with
her. When she came back she said
"Have l kept you waiting
an unpardonably long time, you poor
lear?" "Oh. haven't minded it,
be said. cheerfully. Il just jumped on
car and ran out to the league grounds
and saw most of the ball game, and
then | took a little spin in the park
with Dorton in his new auto. Did
rou match the samplesr' "One Of
hem. It's so provoking. I'll have to
come in again tomorrow, for they are
closing the store now"
Hard on Norah.
Scene. The Wilson's dining room,