Willmar tribune. [volume] (Willmar, Minn.) 1895-1931, 1906-03-28
Chicago, Ill.
\ Saint Patricks Day, ]

y Saint Patricks Day, 1906
Dear Readers of the Tribune:-
Last letter writ left me q standin'
up in the Montgomery Ward tower,
and 'spect some of you folks have
been wonderful if I stayed up there.
But fer your satisfacshun as we'll as
my own, I'm glad to say got down
alive the same way as I went up. I
reckon I could have made the distance
a good deal faster by jumpin' over
the railin,' but weren't in no great
rush, sides I was afraid that when I
reached the sidewalk the sudden stop,
es the Irishman sed, wouldn't been
very healthy fer my vitals. But as
fer, as I can fgger out, the result
maybe would have been about the
same as what did happen and that is
what I'm going to tell you bout.
When I came down on the ground
again, the trials and tribulations Of
this earth came back to me with
renewed force. Where was I to get
lodgin's fer the night? Without a
single copper in my trousers, things,
I. low, looked pretty glum. But it is
queer how its darkest jest before
dawn, haint it? AS the sidewalks
were crowded I reckoned I'd jest take
the middle of the street fer it. r was
walkin along >lookin' up at the
buildin's like, never 'spectin' nothin'
sudden I heerd a ''toot, toot!'' and
boys, before I had time to turn
around or even say Chancey Plat, I
was knocked into tho air. If ever
struck the ground agin, I don't
remember, but the next thing knew I
woke up in bed in the city hospital.
I "Doctor,' ses I to lace-curtained
bald-headed 'vidual es was standin by
my bunk. "Doctor, ses I, 81 reckon
that's what you are to jedge by your
drug store smell, have you got nothin
agin me askin' you a question:"
baby E1' CAM ;1Ss Stand Ies to IT, t;alk: ' my
name is Silas'', ses I, **and reckon I
kin talk laying down fer as that goes,
You wont blame me fer being q mite
curious, but say Doc, haint lightnin'
little unusual fer this time of the
year?' my friend Silas'' ses he ''it
was an automobile" Zone of them
'ere horseless carriages, heb! Wall,
I'll say this much for the machine,
that i, had a tiercer punch than any
broncho I ever run up against. -
Then turned my face to the wall and
got to studyin' the wall paper.
What is this craze fer buildin'
machines to get through space at such
an ALFRED rate of speed q goin' to
lead up to? Course I know what the
automobile led up to in my particular
case, but Pm speakin' in general.
What in Dan patch are folks in such
a terrible hurry fer? Now fer
instance, there I was walkin' on the
public thoroughfare. had as much
right there as anybody. What good
did it do that there goggled-eyed
scorcher to knock me sky high?
Couldn't he have slowed up some and
'plitely asked me to get out OF his
way? reckon I'd have been more
than willin'. What are people tearing
after anyway? Now there is them
fellers as are breakin' their necks try.
ing to make flying machines. Just as
if had mater meant us humans to fly
she wouldn't have given us wings. ]
seed in the papers the other day
bout Teller as is going to make ar
expedition in search of the north pole
in an automobile Well here is wish
ing him luck, but can't help thinkin
that his undertaken is rather pre-
carious proposition.
To ledge by the number of them eert
broke-down aught to-mobiles US far
mers have hauled to town fer tn,
. fallen by -the-wayside chaw-ferces. i
would seem to me safer for the man K
|start out with q yoke of oxen. :H'
would at least find them more sur,
when it come to shaking home tn
! pole, if that is what he IS after. Ant
lthat brings to my mind the question
what do folks want with the nortl
pole anyway. Now take fer anothel
! instance that TELLER here in Chicago
that thought the old way of naviga
| tin in boat was to tame. He goe
to work with much labor and expens
to make big hollow rubber ball
gets into the thing and starts to rol
across Lake Michig gan last winter