The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1906-11-22

me, he had departed from his usual
course. | tn ell to show him that APP
prcciated the honor. and all went well
until he suggested that in selling my
pain alleviatOr | raise the price from
- to 30 cents and whack up with him.
| have no doubt that the people would
have purchased at the price, rs there
had been an epidemic of the measles In
town and the patients wanted some
thing to brace up on. but with indigna-
ton burning in my face | said the
mayor nay. | wish to say right here to
the public:
The standard price Of my Pilgrim
Pain Alleviator is - cents.
Whenever you find Il human hyena
asking more for it set him down as
swindler. Look fiXedly at the cork of
every bottle before Euyiug and see that
the initials "P. j." are stamped on it.
Look for the yaller label Any other
sort is Il fraud
My bottles have been emptied of
their contents and vinegar and other
liquids substituted. Protect yourselves
There is no graft about the allevia-
tor. Ii is straight goods first and last.
The druggist who advises you to take
Old Crow whisky in place of my allie
viator is horse thief and a swindler
and is inviting his own doom.
When the mayor found that | was
not on the whaCk he complimcnteJ me
as an honest man and said that he had
only been testing me. Having eaten
boiled dinner at the tavern. | sought
the public square ana offered my wares
for sale. but when | had sold dozen
bottles the buyer of the first one began
to double up and howl with pain and
accuse me of selling u rat exterminator
in disguise | knew at once that the
mayor WAS behind the game to get
even with me but | had no show.
While ! was offering to drink the con
tents of "a whole bottle and forfeit SiCn
if one single SplSm of p3iu followed |
was seized by numerous hands and
thrown into Il horse pond and became
the sport Of the popuIace. | was flung
in again and again, and when exhaust
ed at last I was ordered to leave town
in Il hurry. l went but as l drove
along in the darkness it occurred to me
to say TO myself:
He who is honest hath clear CON
science. but now and thea it may be
just rs well to whacl ~ with graft
cr and save going in swimming against
your viii"
That n;@ht J slept the sleep OF the
Shycriu& and the just on the prairies.
and an hour after sunrise came to the
cabin OF pioneer and asked for break
fast. The pioneer had taken skate
and left grass widow She was
searching for another husband. and
Notwithstanding my dilapidated ap-
pearancc she looked upon me favora-
bly,. | sought to cool her ardor by re
feTinS to my old woman back in Indi-
ana, hut it was failure Finally she
came right at me with
Sir, do you scorn this loving heart
or don't YOU"
| told her that didn't, but men
toned fifteen or twenty difficulties in
the way OF our getting married even if
we were inclined. She said that love
conquered all difficulties and that |
might drive my outfit into the stable
and 80 TO blowing and consider all
questions settled. When declined she
charged me with toying with her young
heart and appealed to three men who
were passing. They didn't render any
opinion on the toying business. but
proceeded to pitch into me and ham
mer me until | was an object for COM
miscration and was laid up for the en-
suing fortnight l seek the betterment
of mankind and always have an eve
out for the sorrering and downtrodden.
but it is no snap. Human nature seems
all molnsses until you get below the
surface. Then you find the guile and
the thorns and have to use arnica to
restore your pristine beauty Hic facet
(Which means that no square man gets
square deal. VI. QUAD.