Iowa state bystander. [volume] (Des Moines, Iowa) 1894-1916, 1906-03-30
STORIETTEs.

When Mr.. Mansfield was playing
ARMS and the Man." some one
brought up in his presence the name
Of the author, George Bernard Shaw
"Ah, yes" said Mr.. Mansfield, some
men have the most glorious luck!
There's Shaw. now: he is not only a
successful playwright. musical
critic, c Socialist. q member Of the
Fabian Society. and possessed OF
red hair, but--he Is also an Irish
man."
A lady went into booksellers
shop and asked for Browning. 81
haven't got 1t, madam" answered
the bookseller; II make a rule never
to stock any books can't under
stand, and can't make head or tail
Of Mr. Browning. Can Your" The
customer asked for another book
without comment upon the salesman's
mental limitations. slave you
Praed, them" Eyes, madam" this
skeptical person assured her: "I've
prayed, and that don't help me-"
A Southern senator says that one
of the best and briefest of speeches
that he ever heard in the Upper
House Of Congress was one of four
words delivered by Senator Proctor
Of Vermont. This speech, 1t appears
was retort to sarcastic fling by
a colleague from Massachusetts. He
had said: "No man IN Vermont Is
allowed to vote unless he has made
two thousand dollars trading with
Massachusetts people," Whereupon
Proctor arose deliberately and OBJ
served: "And we all vote" ..-.
When DR.. John Dewey, now heat
Of the Department of Psychology a
Columbia, was professor at Chicago
he had a good deal to say about the
training of children. He particular
ly urged that they should call theil
parents by their first names. Abou
this time he went home one day Il
find water trucking through the cell
ing Of his study, and, on investiga
ton, found his son converting tht
bathroom into natatorium. Mild
ly expressing his surprise, he was
greeted with: Don't stand there
shooting off your mouth, John; ge
a mop and get busy before the ole
woman comes home"
A Frenchman who was staying a
hotel in Edinburgh asked at the
cashiers desk for his bill, and was
astonished to find it so large. HI
felt that he had been plundered. but
he paid the bill and asked to see the
proprietor. The landlord came dowr
in response to the call. beaming will
smiles. The Frenchman rushed vi
to him, exclaiming: "Ah, let mi
embrace you. Let me KEGS you!'
"But why do you want to embrace me
sir? I don't understand" "Ah
saire, but look at this BILL" "You
| bill? Yes, but what of it," "Vot 0
it? Why, it means Eat s'll nevaire
nevaire see you again, saire."
A Boston couple were recreatin!
near Augusta, and met an old negr,
woman to whom they took fancy
They invited her to pay them visit
and the black woman accepted, es
pecially as her expenses were paid
In due time she arrived in Boston
and was installed in the house of tn
white folks. She occupied one OF tn
best rooms and ate at the same tabl
with her host and hostess. At on
of the meals the hostess said: "Mrs
Jones, you were slave, weren
you?" Eyes, marm," replied Mr.:
Jones; Il belonged to Mars Robel
Howell" II suppose he never ir
vited you to eat at his table," re
marked the Boston woman. ENC
honey; dat he aint," replied Mrs
Jones; my master was a gentleman
He amt never let no niger set at L
table long er him.