The Montgomery advertiser., 1906-03-28

draws near Hamburg he is the Auf- | zugsbehueter,, which is an awful thing | to call a mere child
 1 Goodness only knows what will be | the ultimate result of present compe- l tition between ocean liners. As our | boat was quite new and extraVagantly up to date, perhaps some information concerning it will be of interest, even to those old and hardened travellers
 who have been across so often that they no longer set down the run of the ship and have ceased sending pie torial post cards to their friends at home.
 In the first place, telephone in ev- cry room, connected with a central sta tion. The passenger never uses 1t, be- cause when he is a thousand miles from shore there is no one to be called up, and If he needs the steward he pushes a button. But 1t is there-a real German telephone, shaped like a broken pretzel, and any one who has a telephone in his room feels that he is getting som ethlng fer hIs money. After two or three lessons an Amer
 ican can use a foreign telephone. All
 he has to learn is which end to put tn
 his ear and how to keep two or three
 springs pressed down all the time he is talking. In America he takes down the receiver and talks into the phone
 Elsewhere he takes the entire tele.
 phone down from a rack and hold 1t
 the same as a rlide trombone.
 In some of the cabins were electric hair curriers'. A Cleveland man who wished to call up the adjoining cabin on the phone. just to see if the thing would work, put ths hair curler to his ear and began talking into the dyna- mo. There was no response, so he pushed a button and nearly ruined his left ear It was natural mistake. Tn Europe anything attached to wall is liable to he a telephone.
 On the whole, I think our telephone system is superio; to that of any for cign cities. Our telephone girls have larger vocabularies, for one thing. Tn England the hello" Is never used. When an Englishman gathers up the ponderous coatrivaEce and fits 1t against his head he asks:-"Are you there?" If the other man answers, "No" that stops the whole converse ton
 Travellers throughout the world should rise up and unite in a vote of thanks to whoever it was that abol- ished the upper berth in the newer boats. Mahomets coffin suspended in mid air must have been a cheery and satisfactory bunk compared with the ordinary upper berth. Only trained athlete can climb into one of them. The woodwork that you embrace and rub your legs tagainst as you struggle up- ward is very cold. When you fall into the clammy sheets you are only about six inches from the ceiling. In the early morning ghe sailors scrub the deck just overhead and you feel as if you wefe getting shampoo. The aerial sarcophagus Is built deep, like ouGh. go that the prisoner cannot
 
 row, and the man whO Is addicted to the habit of "spraddlng" feels as If he were tied hand and foot.
 Tn nearly all of the staterooms of the new boat there were no upper berths, and inc lower ones were wide and springy-they were almost beds. and a bad on board ship is something that for years has been reserved ns the special luxury of the millionaire.
 We really had on board the daily paper. the gymnasium. the florist. the bureau of information. the manicure parIor and other adiuncts of sea going that would have been regarded as fan cifui dreams ten years ago Next to the elevators the most novel feature of the new kind of liners is the Ia cart Q restaurant It was on the Kaiser deck. The topmost deck was called the "KaI- Scr" 10 Indicate that he ranked next 10 the heavenly bodies in general im- portance The old names of Upper deck" promenade deck.' main deck" and lower deck" cannot be applied to one of these new fangled monsters. Next below the Kaiser deck came the Washington deck then the Roosevelt deck, then the Cleveland deck. then the Franklin deck and after that T lower deck and several more that did not concern the passengers living in the upper stories.
 The restaurant was forward on the