davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Shiner gazette. [volume] (Shiner, Tex.) 1893-current, 1906-08-01

barrel and acknowledged the salute.
''Say, now, honest, did you put that
chunk of ice in the stove the day you
skipped out last?'
Sure Mikel" said the boy, as he ran
the shovel under the cat that was
sleeping by the stove, and tossed her
into a barrel of dried apples. What are
you doing with the map of the seat of
WARP"
''Oh, was only trying to figure out
the plan of campaign, and find out
where the Japanese would go to when
they are licked,7 said the old man.
This thing Is worrying me l want
to see Russia win, and think our
government ought to send them all the
embalmed beef we had left from the
war with Spain, but If we did you
monkey Japanese would capture 1t,
snd have a military funeral over it,
ard go on eating fish and rice. When
this country was in trouble, in 1864,
the Russians sent fleet of warships
10 New York and notified all Europe
to stand back and look pleasant, and,
by the great horn spoons, am going
to stand by Russia or bust. / would
like to be over there at Port Arthur
aud witness an explosion of torpedo
under something"
We'll, you and are Just alike said
the boy. Lets have sham battle,
right here in the grocery. Get down
that can of powder
.'Taint against the law, is it?''. said
the old man as he handed down tin
canister of powder. II want excite
ment, and valuable information, but
cont want to unduly excite the neigh
hors."
''Oh. don't worry about the neigh
hors." said the boy. as he poured a
little powder under the barrel of dried
apples. Now. as you say, this is Port
Arthur. This chest of Oolong tea rep
resents Japanese cruiser outside the
harbor. This box of Goldfish represents
Russian fort. see? and the stove rep
REGENTS Russian cruiser. This barrel
of ak handles is the Russian army. en-
trenched behind the bag of coffee.
Now, we put little powder under all
of them. and lay train from one to
the other. and now you get out few
OF those giant flrecrackers you had left
over from last Fourth Of July, and a
Roman candle. and We can Illustrate
the whole business so Alexovltch and
| Ito would take to the woods"
The boy 1T the Roman candle, got
behind barrel OF potatoes aud
turned tho sputtering Roman candle
on the giant nrecracker under the
atove. and when he saw tho fuse OF
the irorrackcr was lighted no turned
tro torch on the powder under the bar.
rel OF dried apples. and Ia second
everything won't kilipFi the barrel 81
tglod apples with the cat 10 d went
| no 80 the ceiling, the stove waa blown
atcr tho counter. the cheese box and
lho old erncely mau went with cpAah
10 tho back end ~ the store, lhD front
Windows blew oui un The a|1fNalh. ms
rlore ws, FUN ol smohe lhe oll mas
rkhed out sac back door Vlth nj.
Uiltttra Glnfgt sad yelled rripoi
while the bad hoY llu epl the Iron|
tosg win pa ~ WALKERS goAa and
The Washington times., 1906-10-21

Hi think it's a shyme 10 hoax persons
that way. 'Eres the way Of H. Some
5aUv dog comes ashore with that yarn
and sprincs Il on a reporter, begging
vo,I~ harding The reporter e goes
and writes il for his paper and that
professor sees il and swallers ii down.
Git out yer note book and pencil and
Hiu make things strife. Hi am willin
10 bee QTOtcd.
"Hi know Of two and twenty reasons
Wv a. vale carn't swaller a man First
he couldn't and that's all the reason
necessary Hi-ve united wales fer goiu'
on twenty year and 7 know EN- Ike 1
DO Toms old parrot there. They feeds
on bugs. young an. little bugs yer can
'ardly see with the naked nj. Ii would
tyke a million Of 'em TO fill pipe. Hi
wish Hi may die If Hi didn't see a
W ale try 10 swaller chunk of salt pork
one time. nice little ale he We're too.
frlsIin' i'm tho wake of our ship. and IL
came near stranglin' of him. + spit il
out and went aw'y. lookin' behind re
proachtdI like. 4 wales gullet ain't no
bigger than my wrist. tyke me word for
it, iii know. SCmeun ocen "a hOaNin'
Of that parscn-'
AIr. Butler evinced a disposition toward
autobiography, autobiography favored
The Washington times., 1906-10-21

account of the adventure Of James
Psriley
"Ho," said Mr.. Butler. Hi shipped on
that vessel two seasons Good old tID
she We're. too"
"But then" read the rsaorter from
Konig's letter. what was their aston
ishmeut when. on opening che stomach
Of the whale, they found their Kissing
comrade. James BARLEY. emtombed
alive. but unconscious. in the mammal s
belly"
-Ho. no. rumbled Mr. Butler ''s,me
un's been "A hoaxin of mat ere chaplI. 3.
Dye 'eaT st, Tom, wot the Young gent
is readln o.
Through the action Of the s7strjc
juice OF the whale the skin Of the mod
ern Jonah has become like parchment.
but his general health has not be"n
seriously impaired by his enforced So
journ IN the quarter in question, The
reporter went on.
Quarter hin question" repeated Mr..
Butler. "Wot may that be. young
feller2'
whales belly" said the sun man.
Now what do YOU think of that. AIr.
BuHer2"
Hi think" said the seaman. after his
thirst had been quenched once more.
The Washington times., 1906-10-21
An Awkward Predicament.

About a year ago Miss Black. who
is the daughter of Maurice Black, of
Baltimore, visited friends in Long
Branch. y. j. One afternoon not long
after she had arrived at the famous
watering place, Miss Black and the
son OF her host, a young man OF her
own age. went for a spin in an auto
mobile. When they were on their re-
turn trip, though stil ten miles from
home, their machine broke down. 1t
was utterly out OF the question that
they should walk all the way home.
for although Miss Black was an ath-
letic girl and could have walked the
distance easily at another time, IL was
then near sun-dowu and there was
every evidence OF a heavy thunder
storm in the near future. The nearest
house was that OF a farmer which
they had passed about a half mile
back.
II was decided, therefore, that the
young man should return to the farm
house. get a team to carry them back
TO town II possible. and II not, TO
find out where Miss Black could get
shelter until the storm was over. They
had spent good hour tinkering with
the machine in the vain hope that they
would be able TO repair the injury and
proceed home. But they had no luck
Left 20 herself, Miss Black anXiously
WATCHED the heavy bank of clouds.
She was in an open auto, without a
rubber coat at hand. and the chances
of her getting a thorough drenchIng
seemed very good. The wind too. was
rising, and the dust from the road
frlghtful. A sudden gust caught her
hat and carried IL of into the middle
OF the road. There was nothing for
her to do but give chase. Just as she
was making a wild jump for the hat
there was a loud whirring sound. a
wild cry, and huge touring car
swerved 10 one side just in time TO
miss the girl. The driver threw on the
emergency brake so quickly that the
machine. plunging forward few feet.
stopped with a rasping noise.
The Washington times., 1906-10-21
He Knew Her Answer.

Miller looked at the girl beside him.
and Miller knew her answer without
hearing her speak H.
IT'S all right" he said. Wen go
to the Little Church Around the Cor
ncr."
Then they bundled out of the hotel
and into the automobile. But the
church OF many elOpements was dark
and deserted. and they returned 10 me
Holland House. The clerk there sent
them 10 the Rev. Dr. Henry Marsh
Warren. better known as the Hotel
CbapIafn" Mr.. Warren. over the tel
ephone. said he would willingly tie the
knot and when they reached mis-
home he was waiting for them.
The ceremony was performed ar ex-
actIv I o'clock. Then the party again
entered the automobile. They wished
10 have a wedding breakfast, and for
an hour they toured about TO ind q
restaurant suitable for such momen-
tous occa sion.
But they had no luck, every pace
that could be dignified by the name OF
restaurant was closed. After fruit
less search. Miller suggested that they
mt of the wedding feast until the
next dav. but this did not please Miss
Black. She insisted that she should
not feel married unless she ate her
wedding breakfast then and there. AT
that moment they spisd d quick lunch
room. one OF the kind whose doors
never close upon the hungry.
,.There YOU are" said Miller, ana
drew no before the door OF the little
shop. Laughing they an plied oul oL
- r,scbiDe and reused the sleepy at
tendant. giving him orders for the
bssr ne had When they had I1nished
the bride and groom were escorted
Lark 10 the Holland House where the
o+bars left them with their blessings.
Next day the news was broken 10 MISS
ulacls's family and now the happy
Daf~ are on their wedding trip.
The Washington times., 1906-10-21

"The Rev A LuIJyu Williams" Prof
EonIS wrote puts a question I'm the
june number regarding a statement oi
mine in Hastings Dictionary Of the
Bible. IT,, page 20 Cart Jonah. The
answer. as Tar as / am able to give. is
as follows:
According 90 the English newspa peTs
whose account was reproduced in the
Canadian Aurora. the following incident
occurred IN 1891. The whaling ship star
of Jhe East found herself at the end
of February on the coast of the FaIk-
land isi1ndS. She sent out two boats
with the usual complement { men "a
k.u "a fine whale which had been de-
sCr.ed far of on the horizon.
The huge creature was soeedly over
taken and mortally wounded. While il
rolled about in its last throes it struck
with its tail and overturned one of the
boats. The men fell into the water, but
were all. with the exception Of two.
picked ny by the other boat Search
was made for the two that were miss
ing. The dead body of one was soon
discovered. b9t no trace could be found
Of James BARLEY.
when the whale had ceased its
struggles ana the men were convinced
that the moTster was really dead. they
towed the carcass 20 their ship and
commenced the cutting up process. This
work continued a whole day and a whole
night and was resumed the following
dav.
But, then. what was their astonish-
ment when, on opening the stomach of
nall
rade. James BARLEY. entombed alize
but unconscious. in the mammals belly.
The sailors had great difficulty in restor-
ing this new Jonah to consciousness.
For many days he was a prey Ia
violent attacks of mental wandering
and it was impossible 10 extract a word
Fl ON him. It was only after three weeks
of nursing that James BARLEY recovered
his reason and could speak of his won
dCrful experiences.
90 1 stil remember quite Well said he
the moment when the whale hurled me
into the air Then I was swallowed and
found myself in a smooth. slippery pass
age whose contractions forced me al
ways lower down. This feeling had
lasted only moment when ] fourd my
self in huge sack. and. as | groDed
been swallowed by the whale and now
lay in its belly.
I could still. however. draw breath
although with difficulty. / felt an in
describable heat and believed should
be boiled alive. The terrible thought
that ] was doomed TO perish in the
belly of the whale filled me with con
sternation, and this terror was agra
waited by the peace and quiet which
Tcigned around me But at last I LOST
consciousness OF my frightful situation.
James Bailey says the source OF
our information. is well known as one
Of the boldest of whalers. but the men
tai emotions he underwent IN the belly
Of the whale were so violent that ne
not only lost his reason for a time but
continues 10 be troubled with fear In
spring hallucinations. He lmagines
The Washington times., 1906-10-21
GIRL OFFERS LOVE
LETTER AS LAST WILL

- NE of the most curious cases
that has lately come before the
registrar of wills in PhiladeI-
phia for decision was that pre-
scented when love letter was offered
for pro.sate as constituting the last will
and testament of the writer II was
offered by the young woman To whom
il had been addressed. Her sweetheart
had died without making any disposi-
tion OF his modest belongings and she
claimed the right to inherit his estate
upon the strength of certain eNpr ressiOns
embodied in the missive.
Il am yours wrote me enamored
correspondent, to do with as you like.
/ and all that / have IS yours to do
with as you like"
Nothing could he more comprehensive
or absolute than that All that he was.
all that he owned and all that ne might
become or subsequently acquire was in
ferentiaUy laid at his sweetheart's feet
for her acceptance
There were no reservations, no con-
ditions, no contingencies. The extensive
gift which the language described was
not 10 be made at some future date.
1t was the present tense and the indica-
tive mood that the writer employed, not
difficult 70 see how words could have
been made more positive and explicit.
Rut this is a hard world for lovers.
IL is full of men with no poetry IN thelr
souls or passions in their hearts or SYM
pathy in their bosOms; full OF men VINO
look at everything from a pTacJcal
point of view in the hard cold ught OF
common sense and business prlhcipleS
and who are ready To subject Jhe anna
tory endearing phrases OF billet uOuX
TO the analysis OF an unheated ana uh-
Illumined reason.
man Of that kind. Just as though the
language of the letter was not as plain
as plain can be. just as though the
Young mans gift of himself and or All
me had was not as explicit and unre-
served a s possible, he has refused TO ad-
nit the document to probate and mas
decided that the estate or the deceuenI
will have TO be distributed in the OrGt-
nary course 10 the compete eAclusloh
Of the petitioner,
What is more and worse, he has at
tempted the justification OF hls decision
by a train Of reasoning whose cNnlclsl1
may well shock the sensitive spirit He
saws that Ordinarily poetic or roman
tic license is considered an essential
Drivilege of ii lovers impassiOned rheJ-
oric" and then he proceeds 10 make Ihs
odious remark that &c SioGbt the de-
ceased Intended to retain some REM
nant Of supervision over the actual dis
position OF himself and his possessions.
Ina other words the decedent didn
mean what he plainly said. a manifest
absurdity, because we all know that
when young people write love letters
they always mean every single word or
them and never by any possibility IN
dulEe in a deceptive exaggera uon-
The registrar may be sure that he has
cea sed TO be- persona grata at the
court OF Cupid He is Just a horrid man
who is too mean for anything.
The Washington times., 1906-10-21

himself 10 be constantly pursued by
whale which swallows him afTesh.
90 Through IA. action of the gastric
juice of the whale the skin Of this mod
ern Jonah has become like parchment
but his general health has NOT been
seriously impaired by his enforced So
journ ia the quart. rs i'm question.
" BY the way, the captain OF the
whaling shin informs us that it is not
such a rare thing for tnfuriatcd whales
70 swallow a man. but that this is the
first occasion when the victim Of so
fearful "A fate has been known 10 emerge
from IL alive.
Il myself should b. interested" " Prof
konig concludes. If the source Of the
certainty Of the above narrative could
be established. Meanwhile. as my arti-
Gle in Hastings Dictionary Of the Bible
shows. ] do not base the Interpretation
of the Book Of Jonah upon IT,"
Partial confirmation from so eminent
a source aroused the interest Of the
Rev. Arthur Lukyn Williams 20 white
heat. He set about TO trace the hero
BARLEY. or at least some of his mates
Inquiry at Lloyd's developed that the
Star of the East is now owned by J.
+. Whitney x Co. of y State street
New York The rector wrote the ship
owners a letter which was turned over
10 r. W. Cameron & Co, % South VIII
liam street former owners Of the
whaling bark.
William A. Street, of the Cameron
FIRMS New York Office, read the rector's
letter with interest, also much amuse-
ment
His data, said Mr.. Street yesterday
"are quite correct up to a certain point
The Star Of the East was on a voyage
from Auckland. New Zealand, with a
cargo of kauri gum. Whether James
BARLEY was lost overheard l do not
know. ! very much think the reverend
gentleman is being maze the victim Of
a handsome hoax. Apparently the story
takes its origin at Bonn. and I shouldn't
be much surprised II some of the un-
dergraduatas of that uEiVersity-CoIlege
boys are the same all over the world
hadn't made the Rev a. Lukyn VII
liams their victim.
'Whalors don't take the trouble to
diecmbUWel the big fish said MIR.
street They slice off the blubber and
turn the carcass loose. Besides that,
everybody knows that q whales gulet
is so small that it has 10 feed on
aninaIculae. and couldn't swallow an
animal bigger than a cat The Rev.
Mr.. williams ought To read up on his
natural history
The opinions of Bill Butler, A. B., may
be not without interest. Mr.. Butler was
in the bar of a sailors boarding house
near Gluveneur lane and South street
when reporter seeking whale lore wan
deTed in
Hi. Bill" said the cockney barkeep:
Eres a young gent as wants TO know
about wales. Carnt yer Oblige?'
wales. is it?" said Mr. Butler, eyeing
the reporter. Him ger man. Spin
aw'y. young 'un.'
Mr.. Buffers eyes wandered toward the
bar and he smacked his lips meaniagly
The hint having been Taken. he com
posed himself 10 listen To Prof KONG S
The Washington times., 1906-10-21

carded machine where her escort could
not fan to find II when he returned.
Then they were off. 1t was a wild ride
In the storm. but it was over quickly.
Miller dropped her at her house, and
with just a word OF thanks she saw
D. vanish.
That was the last Miss Black saw
of him for many a day. AS il hap
pened he was called back 20 New
York by business the next day. She
did not know his name nor his ad-
dress. When he was at liberty 20 re-
turn to Long Branch Miller did so.
hut he could not remember the house
at which he had left the pretty girl
IA the storm. He searched for il but
It was no use.
Nearly a year afterward, i'm fact only
q few davs ago, Miss Black went 20
New York 20 visit an aunt She was
walking down Broadway i'm the early
afternoon. As she crossed Thirty
ninth street she heard the honk. houk
The Washington times., 1906-10-21

their eyes by the actors reminded Miss
Black and Miller Of their own unusual
meeting and the whole party was very
merry over the coincidence
After the play Miller insisted upon
taking them for a rapid run through
Central Park and up Riverside Drive.
Before they started ne phoned to the
Holland House and ordered supper 20
be really for a party Of six an hour
later IL WIS a beautiful night. the
kind of night that would hlI any heart
with romance. Miller ana Miss Black
occupied the two front seats and IL
was not 10 be wondered at that he
murmured soft words into her ear as
the car sped on. nor that their friend
ship increased by leaps and bounds
out Of all proportion 70 time, rhyme,
and reason. The others IN the tonneau
frequently Interrupted the low voiced
conversation Of the pair IN front with
references TO THE Lightning Con-
ductor"
When they had returned TO the Hob
land House and were seated at the
supper table the merriment was un-
controlled. The others Of the party
were A. =. Goodwin. Miss Hartford.
Miss Pauline Bartholdi. and Arthur z.
Ransdau. All four teased Miller and
Miss Black about their romantic ac-
quaintance numerically But II took
Miss Bartholdi 10 make the fata
plunge
we dare you TO get married" she
challenged, and instantly the others
took il up with: Yes, we'll dsr'
The Washington times., 1906-10-21

Z + this verdcious chronicle meets the
eve Of Able Seaman James Bart
i ley, who was "A member of the crew
Of the American bark Star of the
East In -s9l, he should at once com
municate with the R@v. Arthur Lukyn
Williams, wFose address is the Vicar
age, Guilden Morden. Royston, Herts,
England. BY doing so Mr.. BARLEY
might advance the cause of science aud
the creditabIity of the Book Of Jonah.
Undoubtedly he would relieve the mind
Of the rector of Gullden Morden, who
believes that Mr.. BARLEY is modern
Jonah that escaped alive after two days
spent I'm the belly Of a whale.
II was not the Rev. Arthur Lukyn
Williams who first came across an ac-
count Of the singular adventure of
James BARLEY, but Prof. Edward
KONG, of Bonn University. a learned
theologian with "a strong taste for dis
Iutation. Prof Konig, in preparing a
criticism of the Book of Jonah some
years ago for Hastings Dictionary of
the Bible, discovered in the "Neue Lu-
Jheraner Kirchenzeitung" the thrilling
story Of James Rartley's adventure with
the South Sea whale. and alluded 10
II IN his eruditc article, calling atten-
tiou 20 the difference between Jonah,
who raised song OF thanksgiving in
the belly Of his whale, and Able Sea
man BARLEY, who was SO overcome by
terror that he tainted away and lay
dormant IN the stomach Of the Cetacean
which gulped him down all unprepared.
Perusing page 80 of Hastings's Die
tionary of the Bible the Rev. Arthur
Lukyn Williams caught sight Of the al
luSiou to Seaman BARLEY Of The star
of the East Hastings Dictionary is
rot q frivolous book. and the reputa-
ton of Prof. Edward Konig Of the Uni
versity of Bonn is not that Of a light
minded Jester. The rector therefore
was excited and thrilled. Wonderful
vistas OF knowledge opened before him
provided he could discover the where
abouts of Seaman Barley. Capt XII
lam, who was master of the Star ot
the East in 1891, or of any of the sea
farinC men who were associated with
BARLEY in those days.
At firs5, however, the rector was
doubtful He would not swallow the
whale story without exact confirmation
Instead Of writing 20 the Times. as q
Iayman would have done uudoubtedly
the Rev Arthur Lukyn Williams penned
an INQUIRY which was published in the
June number of the EXpositary Times
the -ector's favorite religious publca-
ton. and one in which he had the most
implicit confidence. He wanted more
information from the Bonn scholar. il
possible a detailed account Of the adj
venture. together with such notes as
Seaman BARLEY may have made con
cerning the insides Of the monster, his
feelings during the trip down the gulle'
10 the belly. his speculauons as 10 his
probable fate-in fact all Information
available.
The query met the eye Of Prof. Konig-
who answered ii in the August number
of the ESposit3ry Times. The reply was
printed IN that staid and sDber-minded
periodical under the heading a Mod
ern Jonah"
The Washington times., 1906-10-21
Only One Thing TO Do.

There was only one occupant of the
big machine. When he had the auto
thoroughly under control. he turned 10
the pretty Eirl standing i'm the road
terrified by the peril which had over
shadOWed her "a moment before. The
man was Frederick Miller. He jumped
quickly from the chauffeur's seat and
hurried TO the girl
You're all right" he asked in an
anxious voice. He was as much up
set by the narrow escape as was she.
Yes" she replied, and then because
there was something about the big
stranger that appealed 10 her she
smiled. He smiled too. and in another
moment they were laughing merrily
i'm the middle of the dusty road. y
large drop OF rain brought Miller To
realization OF the situation. He had
been driving his car as fast as he pos
sibly could 20 set back to Long Branch
before the storm overlook nin-
guess we are in for it, he
hazarded But what are you doing
here All by yourself with this storm
coming upF' ana he looked from the
girl 10 the disabled machine and then
back al the girl. She explained how
matters stood In a few sentences.
They both looked anxiousiy up the
road TO see II her escort was return
ing. but he was nowhere in sight.
There was vivid fash OF lightning
and then a tremendous crash of
thunder The rain came with "a sud-
der gust OF wind.
There's only one sane thing for vor
70 do said Miller. You must Get in
with me and let me take y6o bact 70
town. I have an extra rubber COAT
I'll get you there in no time youu
be drowned Il you stay here"