davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-01-14

stands now you can tell college man
even in an asylum. He's always diff
ferent from the others. There's some
THU distinctive about him For one
thing, ne has his hair cut on the bias.
It's these things he pays for. An he's
got a right to have EN-.
Now you can't get away from it that
if they stop this football business the
hairs got to follow it, an then what
are they goin' to do? Why, you won't
be able to tell a college man from any
other form of human bein'. An it's
all of these attacks on the vested
rights that ought to make people think
before they go too far. Another thing
is that the long-haired football player
is distinctly an American institution.
I'm Speakin' now of the chrysanthe-
mum topnots-an' people ought to
move careful when it comes to dom
away with things like this. The In
dams is almost wiped out, we haven't
got no more bufaloes, the four-horned
goats has passed into history, there
amt the sign of q snortin' grampus
anywhere outside of Washington, an
now they want to do away with the
last specimens of American natural
history that we've got. 1t ain t right.
Everythin' possible should be done to
preserve the species. Just because they
haven't got no practical value amt no
sign that they oughtn't to be preserved.
They'd be a rumpus if anyone was to
suggest dom away with the Profess
SlDIlal Woman League WOU4QA l
there2 Very well, then. do all you can
to preserve the Homo Lunaticohairus.
AS a thing of beauty it may be a little
bit off, but were livin' in an age when
men needs all the amusement they can
get out Of life. an nOth1n should be
done to destroy any specie that is
likely to add to the general merriment.
When you get down to considerin'
the game of football as game per see,
I'm frank to admit it's a little exhiler-
attn at times. An maybe it should be
a good thing to change some of the
rules Why there should be any diff
Guilty in fixin' things up, though, is hard
to see. If the colleges would get to-
gether an select a high-class dancin'
master he could reform matters in
short order. They always reorganize
the police department that way, so
there amt no reason why it shouldn
work out with the colleges. As far as I
can see the main thing for EN- to do is
to be exact in the terms used whenever
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-01-14

will be happy" She jots down all the
possible variations. BE Virtuous and
you viii be unhappy BE virtuous and
your friends viii be happy, if YOU are
not" Better but not wicked enough.
Let's try again BE happy and people
Will jump TO the conclusion that YOU
are virtuous.' That's good I'll try
that one at tOmOrrOW's party" She
is a painstaking lady. One feels that.
better advised. she might have been of
use i'm the world. There is a disgrac e-
full old peer who tells naughty stories,
but is good at heart; and a very rude
person. Occasionally a slangy girl is
Included, and a clergyman who takes
the heroine aside and talks sense to
her, favored with epigram. All these
people talk a mixture of Lord Chester
field andA oliver Wendell Holmes of
Heine. NOltaire Madam de Staef and
the late lamented Fl. J. Byron How
they do it beats me-" as / once over
heard, at a music hall, a stout lady
confess to her friend while witnessing
the performance of a troupe of con-
tortfouisrs calling themselves '"The
Boneless Wonders of the Universe"
cit is at this gathering" the synop-
sis added, chat Ursula Bart charm
ing and unsophisicated American girl
possessed of an elusive expression
makes her first acquaintance with Lon
don society" Here you have a week s
unnecessary work on the part of the
aUEn0E OOlieu QOMu TO us essentials
She was young. One hardly expects an
elderly heroine. The young" might
might have been dispensed with. esDe-
Cially seeing it is stated that she is q
girl. But maybe this is carping. There
are young girls and old girls. Perhaps
1t is as we'll to have it i'm black and
white. she was young. She was an
American young girl. There is only
one American young girl i'm English
fiction. We know by heart the uncon-
ventional things that she will do. the
startlingly original things that She will
say, the fresh Illuminating thoughts
that viii come to her, as clad in a loose
robe of soft clinging stuff she sits be-
fore the IRE, in the solitude of her own
room To complete her she had an
"eIusive expression The days when
we used to catalogue our heroine's
sipofnts" are past. Formerly it was
possible; the man wrote, perhaps. some
ha1f-a-dozen novels during the whole
Of his career. He could have a dark
girl for the first, a light girl for the
second. picture a merry little wench for
the third and draw You something
stately for the fourth. NoW-a-days.
when q man turns out a novel and six
short stories once a year, description
has to be vague. 1t is not the fault of
the author. There is not enough va
riety in the sex. We used to introduce
her thus: Imagine to yourself, dear
reader, an exquisite and gracious crea-
ture of hve-foot-three. Her golden
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-01-14

the same time when these little Incl
dents springs up they're likely to lead
to an argument because the rules isn't
specific IN their definitions Another
thing is that a man should be consid-
cred downed when his feet leaves the
ground. When they do it's a einch he'll
drop. It amt necessary to have a two
hundred an forty pound pupil sittin
on his face. When his nut strikes
bedrock after havin' been given doc i'm
petus, he'll lay there for a while with
out any further argument. I see, too,
where its suggested that there should
be two umpires an a referee. That's
a good thing The umpires decides on
the fame an if they don't agree they
strip for business an the referee passes
on the result OF course it should be
understood beforehand whether the
Marquis of Queensbury rules prevails
or not.
Another change that some guy wants
to make is that there shouldn't be no
substitoot for a disqualified player until
ten minutes has elapsed, which amt at
all a bad idea. If guy goes down in
a charge it's only fair to give him a
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-01-14

chance to show whether he's alive or
not. OF course If he don't breathe af-
ter ten minutes it's a fair conclusion
that he's ripe for the long box an a
substitoot should be brought in so that
the play may continue. At the same
time a referee should pass on it. Some
of these football players is foxy. They
amt all on the level Now an then
you'll find one that tries to pass him
self off as dead when he ain't nothin'
of the kind. He's just got his collar
bone broke an three ribs bent. But
he won't move. He just lies there an
they get a moo man. He's on that
they're examinin' him, an he just plays
possum so his side can get the best of
the game. Then he allows himself to
be carried off the field, goes to a hos
pital an gives the other side the laugh.
These is abuses that should be cor
rected An there is others, too.
As I review the situation there amt
no wisdom in goin' in for a lot of hot
air about reformin' the rules of foot
ball What you want to reform is the
people they lets into the colleges to
play the game. If they manage to bar
out a lot of these professional thugs an
black jack swingers then there Wont
be SO much trouble. At the same tirne
YOU can't expect no guy to go on tC
the football field an dance a minuets
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-01-14

about stoppin' the game. but if they do,
what are they goin' to do with the coll
leges? ] want to tell you that there's a
great many millions of dollars invest
ed in the colleges. They amt no joke
that is. they amt no joke from a
financial standpoint, OF course viewed
from other angles there's quite an ele-
ment of native humOr in EN- FL ad-
nit, but as part of. the financial insti-
tootions of the country they've got to
be considered. An I can't see where
it's right to make a concerted attack
on anybody's vested property. 1t amt
right to put the colleges out of bust
ness simply because there happens to
have been a few accidents while they
was running their business. Accidents
happens anywhere. You can't govern
en- Look at Uncle Fairbanks. He
was an accident. But that amt no
sign that because he happened we
ought to put the whole of the national
government out of business. Not at all.
When you weigh it UP quietly, it don't
make much difference. Accidents hap
pens, but as a rule they never cut any
serious figure. An this applies to coll
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-01-14
what is to become Of US writer's?

fellows like Doyle and Kipling I am
told it runs into the pounds How are
we to live on novels, the serial rights of
which to most of US will work out at
four and sixpence2 Tt can't be done.
1t is no good telling me you can see no
reason why we should live. That's no
answer. That's silly. I'm talking plain
business, and what about book-rights?
Who is going to buy novels of three
pages2 They viii have TO be printed
as leaflets and sold at a penny a dozen.
This thing is worrying me.
J. K. JEROME.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-01-14

1tdRiA his nGaQ peat OF II ne
likes it. When constitutional liberty
is properly applied there amt nothin'
it don't allow a man to do, so long as
he don't tread on nobody else's corns.
At the same time there is efforts bein'
made all the time to put check on the
people. Look at this muss they're
maxim over the colleges an football.
Mind you I amt endorsin' football an
amt knocl1in' it. At the same time
there is an effort to check eonstitoo-
uonai liberty in the moves that's bein
made. Everybody's up in the air. The
professors is chewin the rag, the stoo-
dents is shriekin' out their pieces an
now the public's breakin' into the fuss.
With all the noise an trouble the out
look is for a peaceful year for 1906.
It amt likely there'u be a decent bat
tie seen nowhere. Some people thinks
the game is brutal an ought to be
stopped altogether. others holds that
the game is all right but that the rules
needs changin'. Again there is a class
that contends everythin's Q. K as it
is. They say if bunch of jays wants
to sail into a rough an tumble scrim-
mage with a few brick bats an a small
supply of billeys, it amt up to the out
siders to break in with any Interior
ence.
You see the point amt so much as
to the merits of football as q game.
The point is what may be called the in
cendiary spirit. It's all right to talk
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-01-14

bic of reading them I knew what they
were all about. 1.-THE first instalment,
L learned Introduces the reader to a
brilliant and distinguished company
assembled i'm the draWng-rOom of Lady
AIary's maisonette in Park street, and
must smart talk is INDUCED in"
know that Smart talk so well. Had
I not been lucky in missing that first
chapter I should have had to listen to
it once again. Possibly enough of it
might have been new to me, but it
would have read. feel, so very like the
old. A dear, sweet White-haired lady
of my acquaintance is never surprised
at anything that happens. Something
very much of the same kind occurred"
she will remember, zone winter when
we were living in Dresden. Only on
that occasion the mans name, L think
was Robinson" We do not like new
stories=nor write them either. Much
smart talk is INDUCED in" There is
absolutely no need to ask for more than
that. There is a Ouch ess who says inn
proper things. Once she used to shock
me; but now / am too familiar with
her She is really very nice woman:
She doesn't mean them; and when the
heroine is i'm trouble. toward the mid
die Of the book, she is just as amusing
on the side of virtue There is, be-
sides, a younger lady whose specially isl
proverbs. Apparently, whenever she
hears a prOVerb she writes it down with
the idea of seeing into how many diff
fereut forms it can be made to go. 1T
looks clever. As a matter of fact. it isl
extremely easy. BE virtuous and you
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-01-14
. Mr.. YER r.,
DISCUSSES the Game Of Football and Aerees
That Some Of the Rules Ought to Be Changed

leges just as much as it applies to
anythin' else If the people imagines
that they're goin' to force the colleges
into teachin' the stoodents somethin'
useful they've got another think com
I'M. They amt goin' to do nothin' of
the kind. The colleges is goin' to go
on as they always have. though if they
manage to stop football they're goin'
to have a hard time of it. An it's go
In to be hard on the stoodents. They
pay their good money an they've a
right to get somethin' for it. AS things
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-01-14

What a gap there must be in the
ranks of squirrels and rabbits ana
pussy cats this year." said the natural-
isl. NEARLY every woman you see IS
vvrapued in f11r and squirrel and what
masses for eruine seem to be the most
popular. OF course, the squirrel IS
genuine. but there isn't enough ermins
in the world to make all the white
fIrs one sees and sell them at me
dunn nriee. It certainly is amusing to
see i naughty dame decked in the fur
of some inoffensive bunny or farna
cat.''-lIeW York Press.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-01-14

what is the matter with the men
this season." walled the man in the
box office Are they broke or are they
simply selfsh2 Why don't they buy
more theater seats in pairs? In all the
years that have been handling tickets
I never sold so many single seats as 1
have this season. Each sex takes its
dramatic entertainment separately. The
men set the example. Some unsociable
chap steals out to see the play alone,
then the girl who should have been his
companion is also compelled to play a
lone hand. The strangest part of it is
that the minated couples DO not come to
the theater in parties made up of mem
bers of their own sex as they used to do.
Give me a single seat is the popu-
lar demand for both afternoon and even
ing performances. from orchestra to
second balcony. To the box office man
who has heart above mere dollars and
cents this is a sad cry. for it indicates
either q lack of gallantry or a financial
depression that is truly deplorable.'
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-01-14

. : =. :. 50 , !.
to the last page. 1 was disap-
pointed to find that I had missed the
first six chapters. The story had COM
menced the previous Saturday; this
was Friday. say I was disappointed
and so I was at first; but my disap-
pointment did not last long. The bright
and intelligent sub-editor, according to-
the custom now I'm vogue. had provided
me with a short synopsis of those first
six chapters. so that without the trou-
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-01-14

McJigger-I wonder if there's any truth
in the statement that cigarette smoking
drives people insane2
Thingumbob-It looks that way. The
handsome villain in the play. for instance,
smokes cigarettes. and see now crazy
about him the matinee girls are.-Phila-
delDbia Ledger.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-01-14

year when it must have been difficult
for the conscientious reader to make
sure of her complexion. Possibly it
was for this purpose that wax flowers
and fruit carefully kept from dust un-
der glass cases, were common objects
in former days upon the tables of the
cultured.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-01-14

'ONSTITOOTIONAL liberty is a
great thing, said Mr.. Dew
cry It insures the freedom of
the country, an what's more it
allows a man the privilege of
b . .-l.al liz Loal - - e u.
The Brownsville daily herald. [volume] (Brownsville, Tex.) 1897-1910, 1906-05-16
This Plan That Failed.

A certain henpecked husband of
Muskogee., observes the Pryor
Greek Clipper, read in the papers
where a girl at Talequah had been
scared to death Christmas by the
discharae of several cannon crack
esr, and straightway went down
town and bought a large supply,
intending to fire them New Years.
The day arrived on time and he
hustled his wheelbarrow load of
combustibles up near his wife s
room and touched them off. When
the shower of shattered glass and
broken pieces of timber ceased the
man felt something cold against
his cheek, and glencing that way,
saw his wife with a revolver thrust
in his face. She remarked co1dly:
Now, you march into the house
and go to bed or there'u be a
second-class funeral" He march
ed, tnuttering under his breath:
1t might work on a Talequah
damsel, but on a Muskogee wo
men never.
The Brownsville daily herald. [volume] (Brownsville, Tex.) 1897-1910, 1906-05-16
Deafness Cannot be Cured

by local applications, as they canno;
reach the diseased portion of the ear.
There is only one way to cure deafness,
and that is by constitutional remedies.
Deafness if caused by an infamed condi-
ton of the mucous lining of the Eustach-
ian Tube. When this tube is Unnamed
you have runbling sound or imperfect
hearing, and when it is entirely closed,
Deafness is the result, and unless the
Inflammation can be taken out and this
tube restored to its normal condition,
hearing will be destroyed forever; nine
cases out of ten are caused by Catarrh,
which is nothing but an inharned con
sition of the mucous surfaces.
We will give One Hundred Dollars for
any case of Deafness Caused by catarrh)
that cannot be cured be Halls Catarrh
Cure. Send for circulars free.
F. ]. CHENEY & CO., Toledo. O.
Sold by Druggists, 75c.
Take Hall Family Pillsf for constipation
The Brownsville daily herald. [volume] (Brownsville, Tex.) 1897-1910, 1906-05-16

document. In the Office were two
strangers from Pennsylvania, who
were waiting for the clerk, Major
Mcdowell.
Coin to the wedding?" asked
one of them.
Sure, was the reply. Nick
and Alice are old friends of mine,
and if I'm not there they'll call it
off,"
The young man at the desk had
suddenly stopped writing. He
looked at the strangers steadily and
with an amused expression.
Then he started to write again.
When he finished the notary took
his acknowledgement and he left.
1t was Representative Nicholas
Longworth- Burlington Free
Press.
The Brownsville daily herald. [volume] (Brownsville, Tex.) 1897-1910, 1906-05-16
"AII for Her. "

This somewhat grasping spir-
it, '" said Senator Burrows, in the
course of a recent argument, ac-
cording to the Pittsburg Dispatch,
reminds me of a lady who the
other day dropped in at a certain
bank.
Going to the paying teller 5
window, she opened her pocket
book, took out a check and passed
it under the brass grating.
Cash this, please, she said.
But the paying teller, after
one glance at the check, pushed it
back to the woman again.
I can't cash it, madam. he
said. 1t isn't filled in.
There is my husbands sigma
ture on it, the woman said ex-
citedly.
Yes, I know, admitted the
teller but there IS no amount.
oh, never mind that, said the
woman iinpatiently. Give me
what there is.
The Brownsville daily herald. [volume] (Brownsville, Tex.) 1897-1910, 1906-05-16
Her Guest.

Speaking of Irish bulls, re-
marked Clerk Brownell, according
to the San Francisco Chronicle,
my wife had a funny introduc-
ton to one last evening. She was
standing Oh our front doorstep,
when woman with a shawl pulled
over her head came hesitatingly
along the sidewalk. Seeing my
wife. the woman paused and said:
Pardon me, but are you ac-
quainted in this iieighborhood?'
I am. What can I do for
you?' replied Mrs. Brownell.
Can you tell me where Nj.
McCloud lives? I understand he
just died, poor fellow"
The Brownsville daily herald. [volume] (Brownsville, Tex.) 1897-1910, 1906-05-16
If You Are a Lover

Of good bread, pies, cakes and
rolls call at Clay's bakery, Sixth
and Levee streets. l also sell
Fleischmann's compressed yeast,
the best in the world for bakers
or famile use. I endeavor to sell
nothing but the best that money
and skilled labor can produce, and
extend to the public a cordial in
vitation to inspect my bakery and
methods of bread making at any
time. am here to serve you and
must have your trade. Call or
phone No. 81. Mail orders receive
my personal attention.
7. 7. CLAY.
The Brownsville daily herald. [volume] (Brownsville, Tex.) 1897-1910, 1906-05-16
Let the Baby Handle Things.

1t is the business o. the baby to
become acquainted with everything
in the world. and the baby that
does not want to grab and handle
everything it sees IS not normal.
The wise mother let's the child feel
and handle whenever i IS possible
the objects III a room until it IS
perfectly satisfied. and then clever
ly removes them II i : possible 20
break or damage them.
The Brownsville daily herald. [volume] (Brownsville, Tex.) 1897-1910, 1906-05-16

A fashiOnably dressed young
man walked into the Office OF the
clerk OF the House and asked If
there was notary public in that
Office. There was, aud the young
man sat down. at desk and began
to FL ont the blanks OF q legal
The Brownsville daily herald. [volume] (Brownsville, Tex.) 1897-1910, 1906-05-16

The fain. heart thai fails to win
may have cause for self-congratuia-
ton later in the game.
The Brownsville daily herald. [volume] (Brownsville, Tex.) 1897-1910, 1906-05-16

Never judge a mans honesty BY
the umbrella he carries.
The Brownsville daily herald. [volume] (Brownsville, Tex.) 1897-1910, 1906-05-16

4 good man Is known by TIE &C
he cuts loose from.
The Brownsville daily herald. [volume] (Brownsville, Tex.) 1897-1910, 1906-05-16

A thing that someone doesn't
find fault with IS seldom worth
having.
The Brownsville daily herald. [volume] (Brownsville, Tex.) 1897-1910, 1906-05-16

Occasionally you hear Of man
having more money than ne knows
what to do with. but no one ever
heard of woman being in that
delightful condition. : Chicago
News.
The Brownsville daily herald. [volume] (Brownsville, Tex.) 1897-1910, 1906-05-16

Il q man ; credit isn't good he
can easily cut down his expenses
The Farmington times. (Farmington, St. Francois County, Mo.) 1905-1926, 1906-04-27
ATTACKED THE HEART
Awful Neuralgia Case Cured 10 Stay
Cured by Or. Williams
Pink Pills,

Neuralgia in any form il painful bus
when it attacks the heart itisfrequently
fatal. Complicated with indigestion Of
form that affected the vital organ II
threatened serious consequences in an in.
stance Just reported. The case is that Of
Mr.. +. l.. Graves, Of Pleasanthill, Ia.
who tells of his trouble and cure aa
follows:
81 Travelled considerably, was exposed
TO all kindsof weather and was irregular
In my sleeping and eating. | suppose
this was tho cause Of my sickness, al
any rate, In May, 1905, I had got so bad
that WAS compelled to quit work and
take 10 my bed. | had n good doctor
and took his medicine faithfully but
grew worse. / gave up hope Of getting
better and my neighbOrs thought was
surely going TO die.
IL had smothering spells that it Is
awful to recall. My heart fluttered and
then seemed to cease beating. i could
not lie on my left side ut all. My hands
aud feet Swelled aud so did my face.
After reading about DR.. Williams Pink
Pills in n newspaper l decided to try
them aud they suited my case exactly.
Before long | could SEQ an improvement
and after taking few boxes | was en-.
tirely cured. | am glad 10 make this
statement and wish it could cause every
sufferer to try DR., Williams Pink Pills"
Dr. Williams Pink Pills do not simply
dcaden pain; thoy cure the trouble which
causes the pain. They are guaranteed to
contain no narcotic, stimulant or opiate.
Those who take them run no danger OF
forming any drug habit. They ACT
directlyo on cbloodnnd isonly through
the blood TINT any medicine can reach
the nerves.
DR.. Williams Pink Pills are sold by al
druggists or will be sent, postpaid, 90
receipt Of price, 30 cents per box, 81
boxes for 81 so, by the DR. Williams Med
icine Co., Schenectady, MY.