Frostburg mining journal. [volume] (Frostburg, Md.) 1871-1913, 1906-07-28

l. \N 4: :: ::,.S:: q: 4. US: mort !:
one of IIoar's
first congressional hits was made when
he was member of the house. Sun
set Cox, the acknowledged wit of the
body, was the victim. Cox had made
some rather sighting reference to Mas
sachusctts and continued:
Il regret that Massachusetts Is not
defended In this debate by her senior
representative and doughtieSt cham
plon, Mr. Dawes. Troy was defended
by Hector. yet Troy fell"
lloar was on his feet instantly.
Il have Frequently noticed" he said,
that when man has done or IL about
to do something Sneaky he accompanies
1t by cursing Massachusetts"
lie wound up his rejoinder thus:
Ih" gentleman has said that MasSa-
chuScttS, Ike Troy OF old. Is not de
Tended on this floor today by her ablest
representative. Let me say to that
gentleman that Troy did not need to
put forward Hector to defend her
against an attack which was led by
ThcrSitcs"
document printed in French had
been distributed about the senate. and
number of senators had pretended to
read it. When TiIlman heard of this
h" Snort"d sk"ptically and said. There
are seventy men in the senate who
wouldn't recognize the Lords Prayer
If they saw it in French"
'l'rrhapS so, perhaps So" remarked
Mr.. IIonr who had overheard "But
that wouldn't be because they can't
read French"
General R"n Butler had upheld fiat"
money, Illustrating the word by citing
the divine fiat. Let there be light"
When lIoar heard of this he rctorted:
'GOd said Let there be light and
there was light General Butler says
Let there be money and there is
rags
There is II certain subtle and delicate
quality In IIoar'S humor that makes it
all the more enioyable This is shown
nowhere NOR" than In his retort to
Senator Allen of Nebraska, Allen had
pronounced appendicitis" with the
short IL and Tillman had objected
that the "i' should be long. IIoar was
appealed to. 1t was only little while
before that Allen had broken the rec
ord with the longest speech ever de
llvcrcd in the chamber. He had talked
fourteen consecutive hours. IIoar
graVcly arose and said to Tilman he
had no doubt the senator from Nebras-
ka knew that the short "i' was wrong,
but, wishing to save the time Of the
senate he had committed n sOlecism
for the sake of brevIty.
While ON this subject Of appendicitis,
IIoar had heard that friend was Sc
riouSly i'll with that disease, but was
much relieved to learn that 1t was only
case of acute Indigestion He there
upon sent this note:
Dear Al am very sorry to hear that
You are Ill. but am glad that the trouble
Is with the table OF contents rather than
with the appendix.
Al Fourth of July celebration in n
Canadian town frivolous young girl
remarked to Mr.. Hoar, who was pres
ent, that the American flag was II silly
looking thing and suggested nothing
but cheCkerbcrry candy.
Yes retorted the senator, the kind
of candy that has made everybody sick
who ever tried to lick 1t"
over census reports and crop statistics
will appreciate the following witticism
from one of Hours speeches:
IF you wish in these days to stir
the blood and start the tear of pride in
IN American citizen, the best thing
with which to do 1t is a column of
figures"
Senator, l want one of your pictures
for publication next Sunday" said
newspaper correspondent to Mr.. IIOar.
"Certainly," he responded. Gar
land. go and sit for the picture"
Answering the look of astonlshment
on the correspondents face, the sena-
tor said:
Il always have Garland my clerk, sit
for my pictures, as he Is a much better
looking man than l am. When any
body wants my autograph | have my
other clerk, Goodwin, write 1t, for he Is
much better writer than am. When