The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1906-07-11
IT'S jest IKE holdin' q jug Of 'lasses up

IT'S jest IKE holdin' a jug Of 'lasses up
to your mouth as you sit Oil Il log in
de sunshine and lettin' de sweet stuff
slide down your throat. You can't pos-
sibiy think OF Shakespeare and back
rent in de same minnit.
"And yet, my frens. how did de great
man lib! De constable was arter him
from Monday mawnin' to Saturday
night. He was in debt whereber dey
would trust him. He nebber met a
mar unless he struck him for a quar-
ter. If dere was IL cold snap be was
out of wood. II dere was a hot wave
he had no white pants to wear. be-
kase de w~ashwOlnan wouldn't come to
de house until she was paid what was
comm to her. He nebber had q dawg
dat would stay wild him for a week.
he nebber driv out into de kentry to
commune wild nature dat a humble
bee didn't sting him or a bull toss him
ober de pastur' fence. If he got $40
ahead of de game and was gwine to
have chicken potpie for Sunday din
ner, a whole wagonload of his rela.
shuns would drive up and eat him out
OF house and home and 60 away mad
because he hadn't n lot of Rocky Ford
cantaloupes to finish off wild.
"DoOrin' de last years of his life be
owned and u seben theaters. but
dere was so many deadheads dat he
couldn't make Il cent. Only a week
befO' his death, and while he had two
doctors feelin' of his pulse and lookin'
Wvfsn SnYrooho1- 1wDI,, ;r<~ 1T. .,>.r.~
house and stole three sides Of bacon.
"Let us come down to my own case.
You see me walkin' along de street wild
my plug hat on and my SNUFF brown
suit and gold headed cane My stom-
ach Is pufed out. l am lookin' straight
ahead of me wild de utmost dignity. l
look to eberybody like a great man on
MS way Gown to de bank to get a
check caslled. Teams stop to let me
o de street, and de small boy
shrinks away abashed. You stand dere
and hold your breath and wish you was
Brudder Gardner.
And yet. my frens, gaze on de other
side of de pictur'. lis got a sore throat.
Ia got two more cO'ns. De cold got
into my cellar and frostbit my taters.
Ny brudder down in Virginny wants
to borry $40 Of me. My cat has Jest
died and my dawg run away. I has
got two lawsuits on hand, and my old
mewl Is standin' in de shed so sick dat
I expect to find him a corpse when |
get home. You see greatness befo'
you. but YOU don't see de trubbles da:
l have to pass frew.
1T am all right to sigh for greatness.
out greatness has got to pay de butch
er and grocer same as other folks.
Greatness in itself am all right, but
don't imagine it's all gwine to de cir
Gus and pickin' up diamonds.
vivid all a great mans greatness
Wild de cheers of de multitude ringin'
In his ears-wid hatless men and smil-
In women follerin' him about, he may
60 home to find his old woman stand
In In de hall wild a club in her hand
and waitin' to say to him dat de -four
barl am empty. de bacon gone and de-
chillen wantin' new shoes, and dat If
he don't get a hustle on him she'll
mighty soon know de reason why.
MY advice to you am to be great
up to a sartin p'int-up to dat pint
whar your credit am good for a pound
OF coffee all to once, and den stop.
Anything beyond dat may bring you
down wild a crash and leave you a
wreck" NJ. OTAn