davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Los Angeles herald., 1906-01-05
FUNNY IDEA FROM ENGLAND
From The savannah News.

VII VIZ '7FV tIIITItIII lNtWS.
Inc London World is not Il humorous
paper. but it is very funny sometimes.
The other day it indulged i'm a bit of
humor by looking forward to the time
when the United States would become
a constitutional monarchy, expressing
the opinion that if an election on the
ma We're to be held now n large
vote would be polled i'm favor of kine
with constitutional limitations. 1t is
possible that some members of tho
Newport and New York smart set
would vote that way. but there are
upward of SOOOOOOO people outside of
the smart set who would laugh at the
idea.
Los Angeles herald., 1906-01-05
GENTLEMEN OF TIE CLOTH
1t Had Its Points

\ clergyman was visiting an old
man who had recently lost his wife
Il great talker and was sympathizine
with him. My poor old man" he said
II feel so sorry for you; you must be
very lonely After few minutes the
old man looked up and said, Yes.
maister, yes. tis lonesome;" then with
great emphasis, but tits quiet."-Tbe
Bystander.
Los Angeles herald., 1906-01-05
Well Stuffed

We'll my man." said a military
doctor TO patient who had been on
"low diet" for some time, "how are
you?"
Much better sir"
Gould you eat u small chicken to-
day?"
"rhat l could, sir"
what would YOU like it stuffed
with?"
please your honor" replied the
hungry patient, 81 would like it stuffed
with another"-Puck.
Los Angeles herald., 1906-01-05

1t is reported the city council intends
to prevent a deficit in city finances by
a vigorous cutting of expenses. That
sounds like business, quite in contrast
with the jokes that have been emanat-
ing lately from the city hall.
Los Angeles herald., 1906-01-05

Postmaster Flint reports an increase
OF "a per cent i'm local postal receipts
over 1904. The figures show the
increase to be s1ls,6Ss99 during 1905
over 1904, ana an increase of s4S9. .614. 92
over the business of 1900. This is a
prosperity barometer, like the bank
clearanees, that cannot be questioned
and indicates the tremendous and ra pid
growth Of Los Angeles
Los Angeles herald., 1906-01-05
An Invitation

The minister was approaching his
peroration "Oh, brother!" he ex-
claimed. "before you lie two roads.
one leads TO destruction, the other to
everlasting life Which viii you take?
The earnestness of his tone aWoke
Deacon Ondeush, who appeared 10
think it was up to him.
Thank YOU" he murmured, "a lit
tie of the same!"--CleVeland Leader.
Los Angeles herald., 1906-01-05

The steel trust promises not to ac-
cept any more rebates or special rates
from the railroad companies. This is
a great concession to public sentiment
and public decency. Now let the
Standard Oil octupus sprout few
feathers and grow n halo.
Los Angeles herald., 1906-01-05
AMONG THE MEDlCOS
His Long Standing

"Ah" said the doctor, nervous
dyspepsia. Is 1t case of long stand
hig?"
Yes" replied the patient, that may
have something to do with it,"
What do you mean?"
Long standing. I'm a motorman. "
philadelphia Press.
Los Angeles herald., 1906-01-05

School bonds to the amount of $780,
COO will be sold on February &. But
the board of education should have all
the building arrangements so perfect
ed that the work. button of construc-
ton may be touched on or before that
day. There is 10 reason for delay
and much cause for haste if the new
buildings are to be occupied next Sep
tember
Los Angeles herald., 1906-01-05
look Il literally

The former rector of a rather small
Maryland town having been drowned.
a colored servant of the place was in
formed by her mistress several days
afterward that the body had been re-
covered.
"Golly!" she exclaimed, Couldn't
dey fin de head Brooklyn Life.
Los Angeles herald., 1906-01-05

Mail box robbers are new kind of
criminal to Los Angeles, and they
should be ferreted out ana punished.
Inviolability of the mails is a rule
which Uncle Sam cannot afford to have
broken anywhere or anyhow, and il
the local police force is not sufficient
then II detail of secret service men
should be put on the trail of the rob-
bpre
Los Angeles herald., 1906-01-05
WILL WELD Ak
To CUT EXPENSES
CITY COUNCIL INTENDS TO
PREVENT DEFICIT
Health Department Probably Will Be
First to Feel Keen Edge-ln-
spectors' Pay to Be
Reduced

The first welding of the AK prom
sed by the finance committee to come
after the first of the year to avoid a
deficit at the end of the fiscal year will
be made next Monday when several
city officials will be reduced to half
time and consequently half pay.
The health department will probably
be more affected than any other de-
partment, as City Chemist T.. II. Milleh
and Live Stock Inspector l.. w.
Young. both of whom are on the pay
roll of the health department, are
slated for the AK. Each of these Off
cials receives $3.50 a month and it is
planned to ask them to get along with
SO Il month each, and work but half a
day. Russell II. Readily, Il sanitary
inspector recently appointed at n
salary of $110 a month, will be asked
to entirely relinquish his office until
after the first of July at least. Gas
Inspector Jordon, who receives $3.50
a month, may also be asked to per-
form his duties in half a day and de-
vote half his salary to the good of the
cause.
May Cut Departments
If possible the police and fire de-
partments will be kept intact, but
mittee has declared that if no other
way out of the deficit appears the
forces of both these departments must
be reduced.
"Imstead of cutting down these de-
partments we should increase them"
said Mr.. Smith. but if we have not
the money to pay them they must go.
This growing city demands IL greater
fire department and police force than
We now have and it seems IA shame to
ask them to reduce their forces and
cut their expenses But if we must,
we must, and that is all there is to it,.
"Therc will be no deficit AT the end
of the year if | have to give my salary
to prevent it, Notwithstanding the as
sertion of the Municipal league that
a deficit of $150,OO0 is almost inevitable.
1t is not almost inevitable and Will
not occur. AS long as there is "A
dollar on which to retrench we will
retrcnch and I feel confident there
will be u surplus at the end of the
year.
AS I have said before the council
men are personally liable for any over
draft on the city's funds and we do not
propose to go down into our own
pockets to pay what We can save by
reducing expenses,
Los Angeles herald., 1906-01-05

The chamber of commerce voiced the
sentiment of the people when It de-
clared in favor of such legislation as
will prohioit pool selling and gambling
within the confines of the county of
Los Angeles
Los Angeles herald., 1906-01-05

Arthur Let's IDEAS of pleasure seem
to consist in giving it to others. No
more unique nor happy affair marked
Christmastide in Los Angeles than his
huge theater party to his 1900 employees.
Los Angeles herald., 1906-01-05

The joint statehood bill is now under
consideration by the senate If the
senator's listen to reason they will sup
port separate statehood for Arizona
and New Mexico.
Los Angeles herald., 1906-01-05

Gov. Higgins of New York has re-
fused to grant Il reprieve to Albert T.
Patrick, under sentence of death for
murder. If the sentence against Patrick
isn't executed soon, no one will be left
alive who will remember what his
Crine was
Los Angeles herald., 1906-01-05

Pasadena pastor charges Rev.
Robert j. Burdette with having broken
faith by voting as city commissioner
in favor of Sunday band concerts.
Reverend Bob will learn how trying
1t is to be religious on one hand and
hold down public office on the other.
Los Angeles herald., 1906-01-05

John Ross, a tramp hurt by trolley
car, says he hasn't worked for twenty
years and won't for twenty years TO
come. Is he the original of whom it
is sung; Everybody works but
fn thorro
Los Angeles herald., 1906-01-05

Glendale is taking steps to becoming
a sixth class city. This doesn't mean
that Glendale is not first class in every
respect; 1t is merely legal persifage
Los Angeles herald., 1906-01-05
WITH THE LITTLE ONES
a Female Who Butts

Now" said the teacher, who had
been giving an elementary talk upon
architecture "can any little boy tell
me what a buttress is?"
II KNOW" shouted Tommy Smart,
"a nanny goat."-Philadelp Press.
Los Angeles herald., 1906-01-05

Ferd X. Rule. president of the state
league of Republican clubs, is Begin
pIng the campaign early, but run he
never so fast he may not escape the
clutches of Ruef and Schmitz and the
Republican machine. Two old men Of
the sea are on the party's back and
cannot be shaken loose.
Los Angeles herald., 1906-01-05

Montana journalists are planning for
ing the brand of weather prevalent in
Montana just now even a journalist is
justified in fleeing it,
Los Angeles herald., 1906-01-05

1t would be interesting to know just
how much better the chorusless produc-
tion of Faust in New York was than
is the usual affair with chorus added.
Los Angeles herald., 1906-01-05

Now that the body selected to begin
preparations for Greater Los Angeles
has passed from a temporary to a per-
inanent commission, public sentiment
VIII develop quickly throughout the
county. Oscar Mueller is right in say
ing that the question Of boundary lines
is more important just now than any
pr0babIe legal phases.
Los Angeles herald., 1906-01-05

The presidents freight rate bill has
heen reported TO the senate by Senator
Dolliver. Now let the American house
OF lords get busy.
Los Angeles herald., 1906-01-05

Wall street after it has blown in
all the money it can beg borrow or
steal expresses fear of panic and de-
mands "a more elastic currency
Same thing at the Ascot Park races.
No man ever sat at a poker table with
out wishing there We're more money
in the world and that he had all he
wanted OF II
Los Angeles herald., 1906-01-05
A Reflection

Mother Well, what is it?
Tommy-dow lucky pumpkin pie
amt made like doughnuts, with a hole
in the middle!-Iiarpers I3azar.
Los Angeles herald., 1906-01-05
His Remedy

Distressed Mother (traveling with a
crying baby)-Dear me! | don't know
what to do with this child
Bachelor (in the next seat)-Shall
I open the window for you. madame ?
Tit Bits.
Los Angeles herald., 1906-01-05
He Needed the Money

But is an operation absolutely nee
essary, doctor?'
Certainly: I've got to have a yaca-
ton next month. Smart Set.
Los Angeles herald., 1906-01-05
So Good!

Anxious Mother-What did you do
with your medicine the doctor loft for
you. dear?
Tommy-A poor little sick box around
the corner didn't have amy, so l gave
IL TO him-Chicago News.
Los Angeles herald., 1906-01-05
Population Of Los Angeles 2Ol.249

A man has really been killed In the
war in santo Domingo. Somebody else
Is liable to get hurt il the thing isn't
stopped.
Los Angeles herald., 1906-01-05
I he Retort Courteoue

II have nothing but praise for our
rev minister"
80 | noticed when the plate came
round. d.'-ChicagO Tribune.
Los Angeles herald., 1906-01-05

Odell might resolve now never again
to stand in front of the steam roller.
Los Angeles herald., 1906-01-05

The Cheerful Liar says that when
somebody referred to st. Nicholas in
Miss Alice Roosevelt's presence the
other day. the young lady promptly re-
marked why ] shouldn't call him II
saint, not by any means"
Los Angeles herald., 1906-01-05

Because they will not use railroad
passes this year that's no sign con-
gressmen will "swear off," They'll only
swear.
Los Angeles herald., 1906-01-05

Bernhardt may be going to play
"Camille" in a tent in Texas with the
idea that she-"Camille"- the
fresh air for her consumption.
Los Angeles herald., 1906-01-05

Mrs. Corey insists on being treated
as Corey's wife. She'd get more if she
demanded that she be treated as Corey
did the chorus girl
Los Angeles herald., 1906-01-05

If they'd raise the duty on lime that
would discourage all this administra-
ton whitewash.
Los Angeles herald., 1906-01-05

Poppy Why is the ocean angry?
Pepper-Maybe because it's crossed so
much.
Los Angeles herald., 1906-01-05

Christmas in Russia is just about
due But it won't be a merry one.
Los Angeles herald., 1906-01-05

The real smoke nuisance Is the cigars
your wife gave you Christmas, which
you can neither use nor give away.
Los Angeles herald., 1906-01-05

Now in order to agitate for asbestos
whiskers for Santa Claus next Christ
mas.
Los Angeles herald., 1906-01-05
Not Tonsorial Parlor

Down in Georgia they don't call them
barber shops, as witness the following
want ad clipped from the Atlanta Con-
stitution:
WANTED--MEN AND BOYS TO PAT
ronize the cut rate Whiskera mum
shave and shine, 10c; best hair cut in
town. l5c; razors honed 10c Polka
Dot Front, No. 4 Il. Mitchell street
Los Angeles herald., 1906-01-05

Orange-Ever notice that most mind
readers are women?
Lemon-No. but you can easily see
that ali women are mind readers.
Los Angeles herald., 1906-01-05

It's to be hoped Fitz and his wife
won't have a Wordy war. a pugilist
and an actreSs-Whew!
Los Angeles herald., 1906-01-05

Santa Monica. Ocean Park would feel
It had grievance.
Los Angeles herald., 1906-01-05
A Gentleman

The best eXtant definition of a gentle
man is "a man who never gives of
fense onally."-London Satur
day Review.
Los Angeles herald., 1906-01-05

OdTTTOTTITd TT WTTuWTHICT I
Soft shines the sun, and golden:
Balmy the air, and fine.
Green are the hills and valleys,
Brightly the mountains shine.
Flower -gemmed with rose and poppy.
Poinsettia, glowing red;
Violet Gala and pansy,
All their rich perfume shed.
Midwinter! Can you believe it?
Seems it not more like May?
Glorious southland of beauty,
Where June loves ever to stay!
-W. LII. Q.
Morgan County democrat. (Versailles, Mo.) 1900-1906, 1906-02-09
EAST ST. LOUIS BIG FIRE
and other Property Falls Prey
To the Flames.

st. Louis, Feb. 5.-The Union Eleva-
tor in East St. Louis was burned Sat-
urday night, entailing a loss OF about
81 500, 900. Seven residences, three sa-
looms and boarding houses, one hotel, a
stable and Is head Of horses and nu-
merous freight cars were also consumed
in the most disastrous conflaGrat!on that
East St. Louis has ever had. The fire
was n Of the most spectacular that
has ever occurred In the vicinity of St.
Louis. The flames lighted the entire
heavens. leaping seventy-i1ve to one hun
bred feet higher than the elevator,
which lowered $50 feet in the air.
Thousands viewed the magnificent spec
tacle from the Eads bridge, and other
thousands watched 1t from the river
front.
The elevator was erected eight years
ago after a similar structure on the
same site was burned January 25. 1896.
1t was 900 feet long, $50 feet wide and
was originally seven stories high. Three
years ago an addition was built to the
east end and making that portion OF
the structure IL stories high. The
building was valued at $500, 900. Its
capacity was 1000, 900 bushels, and
when the fire broke out Saturday night
1t was nearly filled with grain, the con
tents being worth close to 81 900, 900.
Morgan County democrat. (Versailles, Mo.) 1900-1906, 1906-02-09
TWENTY-FIVE INDICTMENTS
MANY CHARGES Against CHI.
CA0o COURT OFFICIAL.
Five indictments with Embexsle.
nent, Larceny and Forgery.

Chicago, Feb. 5.-Twenty-fve indict-
ments have been returned against John
A. Linn, clerk Of the circuit court, and
for eight years clerk Of the superior
court. The charges against Linn are
embezzlement, larceny and forgery. A
short time after the return OF the in
dictments Linn, in company with his
attorney, called at the office of States
Attorney Healy and gave bonds for
$25 600. In addition to the charges of
In one indictment Of conspiring to keep
from the grand jury a witness whose
evidence was important in his case;
he is also charged with the retention
Of the records Of his office, and refusal
to turn them over to his successor.
OF the indictments relating to finan-
cial transactions, one charges that Linn,
while clerk of the superior court OF
Cook county, put dummies" upon the
pay roll Of Jurors. The specific state
ment Is made in another indictment that
various sums of money. aggregating
5000. disappeared from the cash draw
ers Of the clerks Office. The remainder
Of the indictments cover charges Of lar
ceny in connection with stuffed pay
rolls. Ten instances are mentioned in
the indictment where Linn is said to
have Endorsed city warrants to pay for
entering, the city in cases and then
pOcketed the money.
The embeZZlement charges relates to
money which was %rightfully in Inns
temporary possession, n which he Is
said TO have retained.
Morgan County democrat. (Versailles, Mo.) 1900-1906, 1906-02-09
IMPORTANT FOR ST. LOUIS
Thought VIII Prove Death kneil
of Bridge Arbitrary.

st. Louis, Feb. est. Louis delivery
of freight from the east, thus putting
into effect the through bill of lading
without the use Of transfer wagons, be-
gan, Thursday, on the Wabash when
that railroads first through freight train
from the east arrived in its North st.
Louis yards at GAS a. m, coming over
the Merchants bridge, with no stop on
the east side except one at Granite City
for a change of engines.
This train marked the passage Of the
bridge arbitrary as such, although most
OF the charge formerly called the arbi-
trary Is still paid by the shipper as an
addition to the through rate.
1t was the first time for more than
20 years that freight consigned to St
Louis from eastern points was brought
IN n solid train to terminate in St. Louis
instead OF being stopped on the east side
for handling and delivery on the term
minals there.
The importance Of the occasion was
well understood by hundreds Of mer-
chants who have been for years suffer,
Ing from the delays due to east side de.
livery of their freight and paying tolls
val wing from s. to $40 a car, to have
their goods hauled across the river.
Morgan County democrat. (Versailles, Mo.) 1900-1906, 1906-02-09
HARRINGTON MUST SUFFER
Decree So - Court IL Convinced No.
Cam Was Murdered and Of
Bogus LOrd's Guilt.

Jefferson City, Mo, Feb. 1.-The su-
preme court has affirmed the death YER
dict in the case of T.. Seymour C"Lord")
Darlington, and the slayer of James p.
McCann will be executed on March Is.
Judge Fox handed down the opinion.
and Judges Burgess and CAN'T con-
Cured.
One Of the principal contentious of
harrington was that he Is a citizen of
England, and is entitled to a fair trial
according to existing treaties between
United States and England. and that
he was not given a fair trial. as wit
nesses were produced against him who
had not been named on the indictment.
The court held that 1t was not a fault
OF trial II the prosecuting attorney in
trOduced witnesses OF whom he knew
nothing In time to name them on the
Indictment.
Judge Fox. In his opinion, said the
st. Louis county court had not erred
in refusing Darlington a change OF
venue. as the lower court had made a
careful scrutiny OF the allegation that
prejudice existed against harrington in
st. Louis county and had decided such
prejudice did not exist.
Morgan County democrat. (Versailles, Mo.) 1900-1906, 1906-02-09
LANE A STUMBLING BLOCK
Ills NOminatiOn ~ Interstatc Come
merce Commissioners Held Up !
ny the Senate. ]

Washington, Feb. 1.-The admins
tration has been served with formal
notice that the leading republicans OF
the senate do not intend to confirm the
nomination Of Mr.. Franklin X. Lane,
Of California. as a member Of the in-
terstate commerce commission to sue.
coed former Gov. Fifer. of Illinois. who
retired recently. The name Of SIr. Lane
was sent to the senate several days
ago, and has ever since been pigeon-
holed in the committee room of Sen,
ator Elkins, chairman of the commit
tee. (.
Mr.. Lane Is a democrat, and sup
ported William Jennings Bryan in 1895
and in 1900. The president, it is stated.
had a conference with Senator For.
aker. of Ohio, who frankly told him
that the nomination was held up, and
would continue to be held up as long
as the administration was insisting
upon railroad-rate legislation. He said
that Mr.. Lane was not the type Of man
who should be on the commission IL
the legislation such as was asked by
the administration was enacted, or any
thing like Il,
Morgan County democrat. (Versailles, Mo.) 1900-1906, 1906-02-09
PEACE IN SANTO DOMINGO
NORMAL CONDITIONS IN THE
REPUBLIC RESTORED.
report Received From Col. Cotton,
Ia American Comptroller OF
the Dominican Customs.

Washington, Feb. 3.-The following
cablcgram was received at the insular
bureau, Friday, from Col. Cotton, the
comptroller OF Dominican customs:
Generals Candelario De La Roza,
Barahona and Mota, the last revolu-
tionists to hold out. have surrendered,
and are granted amnesty.
Peace and normal business condi-
tions throughout the republic are en-
tirely restored.
Customs receipts in January, dur
ing which the late hostilities took
place, surpass those OF any previous
month"
Col. Colton's report for the eight
month ending November 80 last, shows
the customs collections, minus expenses
OF collection. amounted to $1,442.8 49.
The Dominican government was paid
As per cent. less expenses, amounting
to $560.T96 for Its maintenance. and
$702,141 was deposited In New York as
part Of the fund to be eventually dis
tributed among the foreign creditors OF
Santo Domingo II the pending treaty Is
ratified.
Morgan County democrat. (Versailles, Mo.) 1900-1906, 1906-02-09
PREPARATION FOR SPRING.
Indications OF an Fairly Opcning
of Spring Trade In Nearly
All staple Lines.
3.-Bradstreet'9

New York, Feb. 3.-Bradstreete
weekly review says:
There is more snap to spring trade
this week, jobbers and manufacturers,
particularly at the west and south, not
ing more inquiry for dry goods, cloth
ing, shoes and similar lines. Favored
by the steady weather, these trades dis
play a desire to open the season earlier
than usual. The absence of severe and
sudden weather changes has also been
beneficial so far to the winter wheat
crop, which does not show any effects
Of lack Of snow covering throughout
most of the winter. Shipments on
spring account are being called for
earlier. Retail trade and to a certain
extent collections are also affected by
the same weather conditions; but the
forced sales are moving goods and there
is even a tendency on the part Of thet
retailers to become reconciled to the,
situation and not to let the undeniablyi
disappointing winter trade interfere
with spring demands. Outdoor industry
is favored by the %openness Of the(
weather.
Morgan County democrat. (Versailles, Mo.) 1900-1906, 1906-02-09
THE FAILURE - A BAD on
81 ~. Louis Will Oniy Realise
About Forty Pes cent. u

-
st. Louis, Feb. 5.-Creditors Of the
Tcnnent Shoe Co. have received the
repor.. Of the subcommittee, Of which
A. L. Abbott Is chairman, show
ing that the liabilities Of the Arm ex-
coed the assets by $374,000. and that
creditors will not receive more than
40 cents On the dollar.
The company was indebted to .
Philadelphia bank In the sum Of $41.-
900. This claim, 1t Is said, Is unse-
cured.
The company was capitalized Mt a
total Of $500, 900, divided into $500, 900
of preferred and $500. 900 of common
stock.
1t appears from the report OF the &C
countants that less than one.fourth OF
common stock was fully paid.
John H. Tennent, who retired from
the firm recently, at the instance OF
the directors, received dividends
amounting to $4,000 a year for the
past six years.
In addition he drew a salary OF
$4,000 annually. A promissory note.
signed by John H. Tennent for $751;
900, was found among the assets.
The %overdrafts of Jack" Tennent.
has son, who was secretary OF the com
pany, are reported to be slightly in
excess of $4,000.
Morgan County democrat. (Versailles, Mo.) 1900-1906, 1906-02-09
HAVE GOT TOGETHER AGAIN
stool and American stock Grow
ers' Associations.

Denver. Col. Feb, 1.-Consolidation
Of the National Live Stock association
and the American Stock Growers asso-
citation has been effected here by
the annual conventions Of the two or
CARNATIONS. The American National
Live Stock association Is the name
adopted for the a~malgamated body,
which represents 10000 stock grow
ers. and Murdo Mackenzie. Of Trinidad,
Col. was unanimously elected president
Of the new association on q rising vote
in Joint convention OF the delegates Of
the two old associations. Mr.. Macken-
zie has been president OF the American
Stock Growers association since its Or
ganization In this city q year ago by
seceders from the National Live Stock
association convention.