The evening times. [volume] (Grand Forks, N.D.) 1906-1914, 1906-05-04

rant to NEEDLE with it. Dining Is no
longer a simple art, but a complex
function. Experience has gathered up
for ussa budget of valuable infolma-
ton. and the cooks. the epicures and
the consumers have found out in
general way what is good to eat. For
quite awhile men have been eating
beef and pork, lamb and mutton, fish
and fowl, as we'll as various kinds Of
vegetables They have also learned
to season their food and drink with
pepper, salt, mustard and sugar. Sal
ads and gravies have been invented,
and mankind has learned to drink tea,
cofHee and chocolate, as well as water
and milk. And so just when the art
of eating seemed to be firmly estab-
lished, the dOubter, the insurgent and
the scientific faddist made their APP
pearance; and now the agreeable pas
time of eating promises to become a
lost art like the making of malleable,
glass.
Some of our guides 10 correct eating
tell us that we mustn't eat beef if we
would not invite the placid tape worm
to be among those present. Others
say we mustn't eat pork because it is
the sworn ally of Indigestion. Milk
may be full of germs and we therefore
should not speak to the COW as we
pass by. Even buttermilk-once pop
ular with nearly everybody-has its
enemies. Water should not be drunk
until it is filtered, distilled, investi-
gated with X-rays, cross-eXamined and
subjected to a chemical analysis. Tea
and coffee should be tabooed. Never
drink iced tea under any circum-
stances. Boil your ice water before
drinking. Lamb is sometimes pres
cribed in broken doses. but ham is
especially condemned by the Hand
writing on the Wall. Tomatoes eat the
enamel off the teeth. Potatoes have
no food value. A general demurrer is
filed to the use of white bread, brown
bread, corn bread and rye bread. Bat
ter cakes? o. horror! Mush is an
abOminati0n of denominations. Sugar
conduces to kidney troubles. Never
eat liver of any kind, as that is the
part of an animal most likely to have
the measles. Corn is hard to masticate
and therefore apt to promote indiges-
ton. Forget it. Cucumbers make
mote crime; and various other vege-
tooiCo ethu IL uiIo piOuuSC t5dolllllS dp-
pendicitis, neurosis, insomnia, paresis,
cirrhosis of the liver, toxemia, anemia
and paralysis. Beans lead to divorce.
Greens are all right Beets give the
proletariat too lofty ideas. Cabbage
is the parent of socialism, and water
melons are SLOWLY undermining the
vigor of the South. To be on the safe
side, it is evident that one must eat
and drink nothing but greens and
creek water, washed down with an oc-
casional piece of pumpkin pie.
Vegitarians, however, have come TO
the front with diet that prescribes
all meats. They seem to be opposed
to meat eating mainly because it in
wolves the killing of animals. Compe-
tent medical authorities point out the
fact that man is carnivorous as we'll
as a vegetable-eating animal. 1t is
true that men eat birds and fish, but
birds and fish eat worms, and ducks
eat fish. Indeed nearly all animals
have a habit of eating one another.
Vegetables and fruit are not quite so
harmless as they seem, for all intoxi-
eating liquors and drugs and coffee,
tea and chocolate are vegetable pro-
ducts. Some vegetarians think it is
all right to eat eggs, but wrong to eat
spring chickens. Yet reduced to it's
ultimate analysis, the eating of an egg
is not a supremacy pleasant thought.
An experience of nearly half a Gen.
fury with eating is apt to satisfy any
thinking man, that the best rule for
the government of his alimentary canal
is to eat what he Graves, providing it
agrees with him. Our systems are as
diverse as the leaves of the trees.
One man likes milk, and it agrees with
him. Another likes onions, and they