The new age. [volume] (Portland, Or.) 1896-1905, 1906-06-16

OlO DlOChAcdu, Is lie uOL
Contradicted Here's q scientist
who says that we think with one-half
Of our BRAIN" well, could show him
some people who don't"
In Dilemma. The Wife-Two weeks
ago you said my husband couldn't live,
and now he's nearly we'll. The Doctor
Madam, 1 can only express my re-
greet.
Teacher Hit Hard. Now, boys" said
the teacher, "how many months have
% daysT" "All of 'em," promptly re-
piled the youngster at the foot of the
class.
Friend-Have you ever seen active
service, colonel? Col. Grass-I have,
s1r-very active. 1 once promised q
waiter two shillings If he served me
quickly.-Tit-Bits
Remember" said the angry hus-
band, what l say goes" ut does, re-
Joined his wife, calmly, providing you
write it down and put stamp on it,
Philadelphia Bulletin.
Parson Johnsing-Dis heah turkey
has shot in him, deakin; am he wild
one? Deacon Ketchum-Wal, no-but
some O. de shot dat was fired at me
done hit de turkey Life.
by George, but I've got a jewel of
girl. proposed by wire and told
her to answer at my expense" 'Well?"
And the frugal little thing waited I'M
til p. m. and got night rates. "-Cour-
ier-JOurnal.
Good Answer. Il am not going to
join the church." said a wiseacre to DIR.
Van Dyke-"they are all hypocrites
there" Never mind, my dear fellow"
replied the divine, there is room for
one mOre'
She Fixed Him! Visiting Philan-
thropist-Good morning, madame; am
collecting for the Drunkards' Home.
Mrs. McGuire-Shure I'm glad of 1t,
sor-f We come round tonight yez can
take me husband.
A Troublesome Future. Nurse
Bridget, come here and see a French
baby born in Dublin. Bridget-Poor
little darlint! It's a great perplexity
you'll be to yourself, I'm thinkin', when
you begin shpeakln'!
On the TROLLEY Car. Your fare,
miss" said the conductor, pausing be-
fore her. She blushed and bit her lip.
your fare, miss" he repeated. Sure"
said the girl, IAN what If l be? Ye
must not be repeatin it like that before
folks"
That's Different. Smith: HE took
several good-sized sticks and beat his
wife. Brown cannot believe he
could be guilty Of such cruelty. Smith
Cruelty? There wasn't any cruelty
about it. They were playing golf to-
gether.
What I want" said the young man,
''is to get married and have a peace
full, quiet home" WELL" said Farmer
Corntossel, sometimes it work that
way, and then again sometimes it's like
Joinin' a debatin' society. Washing
ton Star.
Young Wife-The landlord says he'll
paper the bedroom, but will have to
put it on over the old paper and not
scrape the walls. Husband-Well,t that's
all right. Young Wife-But think, that
room is much too small already-Amer-
lean Spectator.
What a lovely collection of odd
cups!" exclaimed q guest, peering into
the china cabinet; did it take you
long to get so many?" "Oh, no." said
the hostess; chose are samples of the
setsw we have had in the last two years !"
Detroit Free Press.
The Judge-But, if you footed your
horn, how is it that the plaintiff did
not hear you in time to get out of the
way? The Defendant am convinced,
your honor, that the accident was due
entirely to the inferior velocity Of
sound.-Brooklyn Life.
Mrs. ScraggS (viciously) 1T seems
like a hundred years since we were
married. l can't even remember when
we first met. Scraggs (wearily)- can.
1t was at a dinner party, and there
we're thirteen at table.-Translate for
Tales from Familie Journal.
Rimer-Have you read any Of those
versified advertisements I'm writing
for "Phissick's Pink PanaceaW Crit
tick-Yes, and they make me sick. Ri
mer-Good That's the effect l want
them to have. 1t helps the sale Of the
'Panacea. "-Philadelphia Ledger.
Mr.. Buggins," said the attending
physician, gravely, Il am afraid your
wife's mind is gone" well, I'm not
surprised" replied Mr.. B. shes been
giving me a piece of it every day for
twenty three years, and she didn't have
whole lot to start on !"-Washington
Life.
I'D like to pay you something ex-
ira" said the customer, but see that
sign" He pointed to the printed no
tice, mo tips must be accepted In this
barber shop" Whist" said the bar
Der, that's a tip from the boss, and
it's agin the rule to accept it."-Phila-
delphia Ledger.