The semi-weekly messenger., 1906-12-04
wanted me to write and deliver an ad.


dress. There's no money In 1t, but
lots Of fame. I want to get up the
very best address delivered at any
county fair this fall, and If you help
me little I can do it,
Certainly I'll help you. How much
have you got written:'
Reads Speech TO Her.
"Not SO very nucn, but its good. I
will read it to you:
ladies and Gentlemen-It goes
without saying that l stand here be-
fore you today with all the emotions
surging up In my breast that Washing
ton felt when he crossed the Della
ware. After Lexington, after Bunker
Hill, after years Of patriotic suffering.
we finally achieved our independence,
and we stand here today under the
banner of freedom
But I don't like the beginning,
dear" said Mrs. Bowser as he paused
for breath. Now, don't get angry,
but you see that Lexington and Bunker
Hill and Washington crossing the
Delaware have nothing whatever to
do with the Branch county fair"
I'D like to know why they haven't?
Could Branch county have had coun-
ty fair except for those thingsY
That's too indefinite. should
plunge right into my subject at once.
You seem to have mapped out
Fourth OF July grafton instead"
Nothing of the kind, woman
angrily exclaimed Mr.. Bowser. Il
was a fool to appeal to you. I might
have known that your jealousy would
lead you to find fault with whatever 1
wrote. Don't agitate yourself further
Your opinion Is nothing to me-"
He therefore retired to the library
and slammed the door after him, and
it was fifteen minutes before he reap
peared. He had tried again, and after
swallowing his pride he read:
Fellow citizens, as I cast my eyes
over this smiling landscape today and
recall the fact that when Christopher
Columbus landed here 400 year: ago
he found nothing bat a vast art 81
lent forest flied with wloOpin~ ii
dams and raging wild bet,sts-I say
that when look around ne and sec
See"-
s1iIe,! In Fsis History.
"But Columbus landed down in Flor
ida, you know interrupted Mrs. Bow
ser.
And what Of that? Can't l speak in
o general way"
You have 4 vast and silent forest,
and then you say it was filed with
whooping Indians and raging wild
beasts You must be consistent, Mr.
Bowser."
But do you think any one Is going
to cavil about such trifles?" he de-
manded as he flushed white and red
Besides, I am sure that Columbus
landed on the very spot where they
are going to hold the fair
'Then all histories are wrong"
"Then they are, and I can prove 1t.
In fact, the man who engaged me said
that lie did and that they had stone
there to mark the spot"
"Well, let that co." said Mrs. Bow
ser. What were you going on to say
about the whooping Indians and the
raging wild beasts?'
mot blamed word! You have knock
ed out the whole thing, just as I might
have known you would. The chance
comes to me to make "a great name as
literary man and an orator, and you
Immediately proceed to jump on it
with both feet. If l had your dispos-
ton, I'd go hang myself"
IF you will only be reasonable
But Mr.. Bowser wouldn't. He strobe
down the hall, clapped his hat on his
head and banged the door behind him.
Arriving at the corner drug store, be
asked Of his family druggist:
"Say, White, where did Columbus
land in American?
ION the coast Of Florida, Of course"
"Um! DO you know anything about
the Branch county fair?
1T was he'll! two weeks ago."
Mr. BowS4r walked out of the store
seeing red There was man waiti:lc
on the corner to strike him for dime.
He was poor man and a weary All
discouraged man, having lost IL,
wholesale dry goods business in tie
California earthquake.
will I, Will ~ shouted Mr.. Bow-
ser in glee as the man made his re
quest. You bet l Will"
And then two men struggled for Il
moment, went down and rolled over,
got up and fed, and it was the blood
thirsty Mr.. Bowser who pursued with
demoniac yells. N. QUAD.
Two Kinds.
II have perfected a new Kind Of air