Emmons County record. [volume] (Williamsport, D.T. [i.e. N.D.]) 1884-current, 1906-08-30
the OLD MAIDS poWuoW.
A Bevy Of vessrabss Virgins Take
Possession Of TIE Town and Tor
a. nour or So Make Divers aad
ssndry Members Of the tsemale
..Sect'' SIT U ard Take Notice.

S000ey WeW0e1S u S0e ssSsssssS
"Sect'' sit Up aad Take Notice.
Last Friday, ''at early candleiight'
as the announcements OF ye olden
time were won't To say-a bevy OF
ancient but wise maidens took posses
sion Of the opera-house and proceed
ed to give show, 'sall alone by them
selves" with only one mere man TAX
ing an active part, and he young and
comparatively Innocent.
The ''play" was entitled, The Old
Maids Convention. 1t is skit that
is often made the medium OF home
talen. work in towns and villages. 1t
was not entertaining because OF its
novelty, but because 1t was so much
more than usually we'll performed.
The ladies, without exception, seemed
to have thoroughly imbibed the spirit
OF fun With which the piece is satu-
rated, and the intensely solemn man.
ner in which at times some OF the
most ludicrous features we're given
provoked laughter in large volume.
The old girls took shot at pretty
nearly everybody Of the village trous-
ers-wearing sex who sews on his own
buttons, and gray hair or a smooth
upper lip was no protection. Distance
from the cradle or the grave was not
considered, and, before one had finish
ed laughing at some hit made In the
direction OF a fellow-townsman he
was given a dig that made himself sit
up and take notice.
There was . good-sized crowd pres
ent, and the financial result was very
satisfactory to the members Of the
Ladies Aid Society, who gave the en-
teri ainment. The roars of laughter
at the ludicrous situations were heard
three blocks away, and many CON-
planned of sore ribs for day or two
after the trouble occurred.
Interspersed with the other proceed
ings OF the convention were sumo
very good vocal and instrumental
music, and a recitation excellently
rendered by Miss Hilda Aust. A solo
by Dale Martin and Miss Inez Lynn
was keenly appreciated, and duet by
little Misses Daisy Fulmer and Clonda
Lynn and solo by little Miss Vivian
Herbert provoked great applause.
The two most ludicrous features were
the illustration OF feminine methods
Of parliamentary procedure, when
the president, Mrs. Fay Herbert, put
a vote to the maidens and all voted
AYE" both affirmatively and mega
lively; and the president, without
cracking smile, declared, 1.-The ayes
have it," The original pome' read
by Mrs. Frank Herbert, ST., was a
side-splitter OF first rank. In the
"pome,' with the manner Of love-
smitten damsel given true to life. she
spoke OF her soulful passion for ''Jo-si-
er," and told her hearers that she had
seen Josier washing sheep: that he
put his arm around the sheep as he
soused it in the drink, and that she
would have risked being "drowndeds
ii she could have been that sheep that
Josier put his arm around. But.
where everybody took her part we'll. it
is almost injustice TO make special
mention.
The ''plot" of the ''play" is as fol-
lows: A bevy OF old maids had formed
a society for the purpose Of lassoing
each for herself man. They were
supposed to be in session, and reports
were being made under the head Of
what might he termed Good Of the
4 Order Each committee chairman
and all seemed to be chairmen-made
a report as 10 the coming and going OF
single chaps the arrivals and depart
ures of such, etc. as wellas the chances
in each individual case. While the
venerable virgins-with their husband
catching lamps all we'll filled and
trimmed-are in session, French
scientific gent we'll assumed by Dale
Martin-appears and announces tina,
he has discovered a machine that
would grind EN- through and make
'em all young again, SO that they coulC
easily get three or four husband.
apiece They were somewhat doubtful
at first, but one Of the more daring
spinsters finally led the way, and
when the others saw the results Of ;
wrestle with the machine, they al
) wanted to go at once. The machine
!. was Bazaar corn-sheller, back OF
( screen. with dial in front bearinI
numbers, and hand which was lurne'
3 around by the scientist-operator to tin
number indicating the age given b.
the one to be operated upon a flo a
r to aye, the Frenchman told them
x would cause the machine to rip thing
d endwise. Most OF them wanted TO y
" made over into young girls. Anothe
e wanted TO be a man. But the opera
n tor said that would require two oil
maids So, two went in aud came on
II IL man. Another wanted to be twin
e and two little girls emerged from tn
e corn-sheller in her place. Finally, Mr.
e f. p. Williams, secretary Of the cor
r spiracy against male peace Of mine
d came up for passage through the r,
10 juvenator. She insisted that she ";
but seventeen. The operator warne
:, her: but she insisted, and with man
!. mjsyiyiuvS and shakinyS OF the he:i