Milford chronicle., 1906-03-02
UNCLE REUBEN'S LETTER.
Washington, D. c.


; C0pycrlgAt 1906. By William T. he5lad.
+ Dear Friends "A feller kin Sc
= a good many things here by goin
in the National museum. I neve
see so many bones an old sol
diers' clothes as they got ia there
; Why, they got skeletons Nv met
5 in there that ust to frisk arounC
on earth here shortly after Noah:
crops wuz drowned out by the
spring freshet. They got embalm'
ed bugs in there that ust to git in
the soup NV Pharoh, an I don't
think I'm violatin any state secrets
when I say that they got lot Nv
uninterestin' lookin' corpses from
Egypt settin' around where people
kin see them, in funny colored cof-
fms. Iasked one flunkey in charge
there, when the funeral wuz to be,
an he looked me like idiot. He
said them people had been dead fer
two two thousand years. I held
my nose and hurried away.
I run plump into a stuffed snake,
that looked like a live one to me.
My mind is highly sensitive on the
subject of reptiles, anyhow, and
this one looked villianous. l back
ed off into another apartment where
they had red-headed wax Indians
that wuz armed to the teeth. It
wuz very unpleasant. Sharks, an
whales, an alligators, an dragons,
an lions seem to thrive here. But |
it looked too derned suspicious an ,
had deleterious effect on my ex-
huberant spirits.
I got out an went over to the
medical department in the Smith
sonian, but s'pinks I jumped from /
the fryin pan into the fire. Here
they got the human race all cut up
an put up in fruit jars preserved in
alcohol. I'd heered NV people pre-
servin themselves in alcohol afore,
but I never see any that wuz willin'
to be preserved in sections. It sort
Nv made me sick to the stomach.
They wuz several medical students
there takin' down notes on the
color NV this mans liver an the
shape NV that citizens appendix,
an they seemed quite enthusiastic
over a piece of a feller that had died
with the dropsy, but, gents, it wuz
too mulch fer yer uncle. shed a
few tears over the remains an made
NY escape.
Then they is a old town here
lcrost the Potomac by the name Nv
Alexandria, where Geo. w. Wash
ngton went to church, an where
lim an General Braddock had
a fore the English got
licked in the woods near Pittsburgh. G
is very historical and useless.
Them old houses over there wouldn't A
make impression on a hustlin real Il
state man, but they are cherished v
ike the sacred white elephant Nv g
ndia by the Alexandrians. d
But to come down to more mod G.
IN subjects, the weddin bein over, d
ne toot toot NV the railroad rate
-atesman is the order Nv the day. v
t don't look good fer the railroads
-uz goin' to git it. I warned EN- tc
bout cuttin' off us prominent city &C
EMS passes, an now see what they te
rOught on themselves. Tillman p'
as the whole caboodie Nv 'em w
)eared on his pitchfork, an even tn
enator Elkins seems to take a bl
BOD eel NV cumfort in this exhibi-
on Nv torture. President Cassatt tr
mutch like Scat now al
Y the Pennsylvania road, has pur- w
nigh wore a hole in the floor af
-ancin' around in front of Elkins of
room. They is so many
lbobs around that they take in pr
e door mat every evenin an nc
,unt the furniture to see that none pr
' it is missin'. You can't tell he
hat these trusts will do. If the
would give me an ne
1al pass, with the compliments of ia
l seasons, I'd see what could be
,ne, but as it is they kin go plum ar
thunder. I've been hard up ever of
nee 1 had to pay my fare down eV
ere, an I don't know how I'll Pi
,er git back home now. It's a Fl
AIMED outrage, an a swindle on a
ustful and patriotic statesman, p'
lat allus tries to do people the ra
est he can. &C
Hopin' these few lines will find
Ou middlin' well. @
l am your affectionate uncle, pi
REUBRN HARDscRABBLE ol
500 Reward, 500. :,