Lincoln County leader. [volume] (Toledo, Lincoln County, Or.) 1893-1987, 1906-11-09
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! a safe bet Is the one you were goIrg
70 make sLd didn't.-Philadelph Rec
ord.
another motto for the packers /:
omnia possumus Omnes (We all eau
everything) Punch.
A Dry Dock.-"What is a drydock p"
lady asked of Mark Twain. "a
h'rsty physician" replied the humorist.
A Hypocrite. = Teacher-Johnny.
wnat Is a hypocrite? Johnny-A boy
wot comes t. school wild a smile Oh
his face
DID you run across anybody In that
automobile tour?" "We ran 'em down
first and then ran across em."-Balti-
more American.
Senator, political job is pretty
hard to work, isn't itY mot very"
replied Senator Badger, "but getting It
Is. Milwaukee Sentinel.
Relative Necessties.-"Is it necessary
to enclose stamps" asked the poet
More necessary, even, than to enclo %
poetry" responded the editor.
The Happy an.-Pessimist-Yo
haven't had all that you wanted in life,
have you? Optimist-No; but haven {
had all that l didn't want, either.
General Uncle-I will make you a
monthly allowance, but, understand me-
will pay no debts! Nephew-All
right, uncle. Neither will I.-Tales.
Tommy--Pa, what is the Isthmus Of
Panama2 Pa-The Isthmus of Pan
ANA, Tommy, is a narrow strip of land
connecting Central America with tho
| United States Treasury.-Llfe.
Where 1t Would Do Most Good
Tallor-Well, my little man, will you
have the shoulders padded? Berthe
Nav. If you're going to put any pad
din In the suit put it in the pants.
What Indeed Sarah Camp (an.
nouncing the happy event)-Please, 81.
It's a little girl Absent-mtnded Father
Qooking up from his writing)-Eh?
Oh-ah-ask her what she wants, will
You?
But" protested Mrs. Newliwed, T
don't see why you ask 25 cents a ha'f
peck for your beans. The other man
only wanted Is cents" "Yes'm," re-
piled the huckster; "but these here
beans O. mine Is all hand-plcked."-
The Grocer.
Here! you, SIR" cried the irate old
gentleman, didn't tell you never to
enter this house again?" mo, SIR"
replied his daughters persistent suitoc.
"You said not to cross your Threshold
SO climbed In the window ."-Philadel-
phia Press.
Young Jolliem always says the right
thing, doesn't he? He never seems at
a loss for the proper reply" "Well, /
saw him nonplussed once" "How was
that?' Miss Keene asked him If he
thought she looked as old as she was"
cleveland Leader.
Defnition.-May-Girls, what do the
papers mean when they talk of the
seat Of war? Ella-I don't know any
more than do what standing army
is FOR! Belle-Why, how ignorant YOU
are, dears. The seat of war Is for the
standing army to sit down on when it
gets tired.
Her Father-But, sir, you are not
the sort Of man l should like for a
son-in-law. Young Man-Oh, that's al,
right. You are not the sort of man
should like for fatherin-law, but I'm
not going to make your daughter mis-
cradle for life by refusing to marry
her on that account.-Chicago Daily
News.
II suppose" said the old-time friend,
"shat your folks no longer feel that
anxiety about social matters that they
once experienced" "Yes, they do," an
swered Mr.. Cumrox; mother an tn.
! girls are now as busy keepin' other
women out Of society as they once
We're gettln' in themselves. s."-Washina-
/ ton Star.
Old But Persistent Errors.