The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1906-05-20
From the Washington Post


UXNT HIGH seize the occasion s, !,
wv here and now to state"
oracularly began the large,
contented looking man in the hotel cafe
who was surrounded by three of his GRO
nles and who was himself rapidly sur
rounding a thick, well-broiled steak, with
mushroom trimmings and saute of
chicken livers ON the side, with high.
perspiring mug of foamy ale close at
hand, that the man who is too much Of
a terrapin to have a word or so to say
In the bosom of his own family isn't
worth a Costa Rican piso, and that which
l say and proclaim is no phantasy born of
poppy, mandragora, or any of the other
drowsy sirups of the east.
i've earned this feed I've put in ten
days earning it. My wife may connect
with the idea that a really and truly
sure enough live man of this era and
epoch can slide along on a diet of Shell
ley and stewed carrots, but I'll be eter-
nally dubble-wubbed if that ideas ever
going to stick again with me, and you
can"
What do you suppose the yap's talking
about?'' inquired the large mans three
cronies, looking at each other wonder
ingly.
and you can gamble your lace mitts
on that" went on the large. eontented
looking man with the feed in front of
him. II want to be coarse and clayey
and carnal | want to shoulder my white
mans burden along the common dirt
road. | don't want to inspect the stars
while l stumble over the clods, as my
wife puts 1t, although I've only gauzy
notion of what that means. l don't want
any spiritual irradiation. I'm not hunt
ing for any aesthetic pipe frances.
haven't lost any connections with the
illimitable that I'm going to hunt for. l
want to trudge along just like the ordi-
nary everyday Teller, getting the civ
ilized vittles that 1 can provide myself
with If I've got the price, and Pm
Left over souse." cut in one of the
large mans friends, looking significantly
at the others. That's what ails him
left over"
mot on your natural have l got any
left over" replied the man with the three
inch steak and things in front of him.
But | must have had something worse
than souse when l allowed my wife to
spring that vegetarian gag on me ten
days ago. She'd been limiting about that
vegetarian business for some time-ever
since she'd got mixed up with a bunch
of Buddhstic women folk who burned
punk sticks in front of a joss every day
or something like that-never could get
much head tail of what they thought
they were doing.
But on this particular morning, ten
days ago. my wife took advantage of the
glowy way l was feeling over a good bit
of business pulled off the day before, and
then she unwound this vegetarian coil for
keeps. I'd just got on the outside of
bang-up breakfast, and | didn't feel just
then as If I'd ever again care for another
square meal. So she got me to promise
to do a ten-day trick of vegetarianism.
She said it would not only make me feel
like a four-time winner physically-may-
be she didn't use that exact phrase-but
that the elimination of animal foods from
my diet would cause me to take spirit
ual brace that would give a hull lot
of inside glimpseS into upper atmosphere
games of which ordinary fesh-eating
folks knew nothing whatever.
''She even said that If ] stuck to vege-
tarianism | stood an odds-on chance to
become a mahatum- mahatma some
old thing like that-those lobs in India
that sit in the caves, with about ninety
four grains of hop in 'em all the time.
thinking huge things. She said that by
cllnging to vegetarianism all of my clay
ey earth-earthly aspirations would van
fish, slough off, and drop away like so
much dross, and that I'd get so I'd be
able to see through a brick wall with
one hand tied behind my back. 1t seems.
Y understand, that folks who eat animal
food-chops and steaks and birds and
roasts and such 1ike-are the ordnariest
kind of dubs who don't possess the spr-
itual insight of dead catfish and all that.
"Well, / say, l was kind O. glowy
that morning, and so ! promised her just
that to please her. I'd turn a ten-day
trick of vegetaranism. I told her that |
was, perhaps. too common and thick
headed a person to get real next to all
of her tributes to vegetarianism but that
If she wanted me to I'd just hit up vege-
tarianism for ten days to give her a
chance to prove her theories.
II didn't mind the vegetarian diet so
much on the first day. My wife had a
nice little fix-up of fried and roasted and
broied vegetables for dinner the first