Heppner gazette. [volume] (Heppner, Morrow County, Or.) 1892-1912, 1906-05-10

The Suitor-What are all thos(
mems photos for? The Belle-Oh, that's
my collection Of souvenir spoons.-Bal
timOre American.
Salesman-Don't you want to looh
over some Of our prepared babies
food2 Young Mother-But haven't q
prepared baby.-Life.
"The chief criminal in these popular
detective stories always escapes" why
who can he be!' THE author.
Browning's Magazine.
ITS awful, isn't it. the way the
price OF necessities has gone up" '"Ter'
rible! Why, husbands are twice as
much as they Life.
Mr.. Kicker-Waiter, these oysters
are very small, and they are not fresh,
either. Waiter-Then it's a good thing
they're small amt 1t, sir?-Chicago
News
His Wife-Have you had bad day,
dear? The Financier-Yes, l lost over
$25O,OOO. And the worst Of 1t Is that
nearly 500 Of that was my own money
Life.
'That man was a waiter for ten
years, and now he's worth a million"
"All for waiting ten years?' "Yes, his
rich uncle died then. n."-Philadelphia
Ledger
Il won't resign under fire." the Sen
ator pugnaciously declared. "And then
II we, draw of the attack?" Then
won't have to resign" Philadelphia
Bulletin.
GeOrge-Rather than remain single,
would you marry the biggest fool on
earth If he asked you? Clara-Oh,
George, this is SO sudden.-Chicago
Daily News.
Claude and Clarice are in q terri
BILE predcament" "How Is that?"
'They paid SO much for their going
away outfit that they can't 90 away"
Louisville Courier-Journal.
"How often do your housemaids
dustT' "Do you mean how often they
fan the furniture?" asked slangy Mrs.
Nuwedd, "or how often do they skip
out tT'-Louisville Courier-Journal.
Mrs. Knicker-I thought you were
going abroadi Mrs. Bocker-So l was,
but my doctor offered me such a love
ly bargain in appendicitis one
thousand dollars.-Harpers Bazaar.
Anne Teeke-Mr. Gasser is such an
interesting talker. Always saying some
thing one never hears from any one
else Hattie. Hotterwunne-Has he
been proposing to you, too?-Puck.
"Say, l came to this dance without
an invitation" $50 did l. How did
you work itr' Nobody stopped me-
How did youy" "Same way. My wife's
giving the dance."-Cleveland Leader
The Hostess-I suppose your new
apartment has all the very latest i'm
provements? The Visitor-Yes, indeed
Hot and cold steam heat, running
washtubs, and stationary elevator
Brooklyn Life.
Art Dealer-IIere Is a lovely little
woodland scene for only S2,250. Oil
Magnate-That7 Nonsense. l know
where that was painted. Why, could
buy the whole farm for Sl,500.-Som-
erville Journal.
II understand, sir, that you said my
wife had married man dangling af |
ter her dead In love with her, in fact -
well, hasn't she?" mo, sir. she has
not" "Then, IL you don't love her,
why did you marry her?"-IIouston
Post
Newberry-Is Sanford OF IN opti-
mistlc temperament? Baldwin, should
say he ls have known him to go
into restaurant without a cent In his
pocket, order n dozen oysters. and feel
that he could pay his bill with
q pearl.-Life.
Obliging Motor!st Ito groom In diff
culties with horses shall l stop the
engine? Groom-Never mind that, sir.
But II you gents wouldn't mind just
gettin' out and idln' behind the car
for a minute The 'orses think It's
a menagery comin'.-Puck.
Ranter-But, sir, n genius Is gen
lus, whether he's rich or poor. There
Is no difference- WiSe-Pardon me.
there Is slight difference. A rich
genius can afford to let his hair grow
long: n poor genius can't afford to get
It cut.-Philadelphia Press.
Mr.. Dangle-I heard that our old
friend and neighbor had a very i'm
,ressive funeral Mrs. Mangle-It was
20 fine II was really an imposition Of
he respect people had for him. And
he minister preached such beautiful
,aregoric over the diseased.-Baltimore
American.
"Now that we are engaged" said the
tall girl. IL don't want to call you
wellington Isn't there some shorter
name. some nickname that you have
-" why, dear" replied yelling
hon Carmichael, "the fellows at college
Used to call me-er-'Pie Face. -
New York Mail.
Mrs. Firstfloor-I called to speak
bout your daughters playing i
frs. Secondfat-Now, look here: she'll
lay Just as loud rs she likes See: ;
drs. Firstfioor-That's what was
,oinc 10 ask for You see I'm going