The San Juan islander. [volume] (Friday Harbor, Wash.) 1898-1914, 1906-04-07
some NEW RULES OF CONDUCT

What Recent Executive Orders ~
Washington Really Mean.
Another one Of those executive or
ders was issued the other day, forbid
ding government clerks to ask for any
thing on pain of dismissal, says the
Washington Star. Broadly interpreted,
the general spirit of this executive Or
der, addressed to all classified gov
eminent employees, seemed to be about
this:
You don't know what you want
If you do know, you are not to ask
for 1t, unless you expect to be fired.
The first law of nature for a gov
eminent clerk ought to De self-efface-
ment.
AbnegatiOn Is the hottest OF virtues
for you.
Any government employee who hopes
to rise in the world through his own
exertions is a thick-wit and pin
head.
Ask and yet shall get it where Hia-
watha wore the elks' teeth.
Live, horse, and you'll get grass
II you ask Representative or SEN
ator for anything, and we hear about
it, he's liable to be fired, too, as well
as you.
You stay where you're at, see?
You're lucky to be alive and out of
jail or the detention hospital.
If your pay is too small for your
grocery bill, quit eating.
If your salary is too inconseQuen-
tial to enable you to buy your wife
clothing, remember that the first wom-
an, Nine. Eve, was satisfied with
fig leaf.
If the mean and tyrannical little
chief of your divisions persecutes you,
hating you because you've got more
hair than he has, turn him the other
side and let him kick that. He'll kick
you into the street finally, and then
you'll have the whole wide world be-
fore you.
If you are dissatisfied with your gov
eminent employment, resign and start
a national bank or frame up rail-
road merger.
Eft cetera, ct cetera.
In view Of the attitude of certain of
the powers that be-heads of govern
ment departments, legislators and so
on-toward government employees in
Washington during the past few years,
the following rules and regulations,
to be added to the 2,314,576 already
promulgated for the guidance Of gov
eminent clerks in Washington, are
submitted:
No government clerk shall eat choc-
olate eclairs or sweet potato pie for
lunch, those articles of food having q
soporific effect and tending, therefore,
to injure the value of the government
units afternoon labors.
Every government clerk shall be re-
Quired to save at least One-third of
his salary and submit satisfactory
proof that he has done the same when
so called upon.
The secretary or assistant secretary
of department shall have the privi-
lege, at any and all times, Of looking
at each clerks wad, of ascertaining
how much each clerk is spending, how
much he is saving, how he is saving
it, where he is saving it, how much he
Is in debt
Any government clerk whose breath
smells of ginger pop, sarsaparilla or
any other injurious and deleterious
compound upon his return to his Of
fee from lunch shall be instantly dis
missed for gross and habitual drunk
enness.
Gray-haired government clerks shall
henceforth be required to dye their
hair black, as it is undesirable that
there shall be anything old or musty
looking around the government depart
ments
The so-called rights of government
clerks are hereby defined to mean !:
Anything they think they can get. >