davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-05-29
HUMOR or THE Day

Poet-wiu you look over this bit Of verse
at your leisure2
Editor-see here. young man, what ig-
I newspaper cssIa men ever had any leisure?-
Cleveland Leader
They say his wife is a good house
Yes. she kept his house an right when
had TO put it in her name Chicago
GLADYS" called her pa. what time
FRS eleven. father
IT'S twelve up here. Eleven and twelve
are tEventy-threet"
And then the young man departed
Houston Chronicle.
What makes you think he is going to
s.f4e wants 70 shake hands with every
one he sees. w ashington Star.
given here next week ought to be sup
pressed Would you be willing to start a
crusade against III
Local Bfinister-Who are you, may I
= sstranger-rm the advance agent-Puck.
How did. you become such a good cor
7 had a job in a deaf and dumb asylum
ing. Cleveland Leader
I1eY say LldL the lHdldn prince VINO
has just arrived in this country has an in
come OF $500 900 a year"
That ought to keep him in bread"
Yes. but an Indian prince doesn't care
for bread without Buddha- Cleveland
Plain Dealer
.Blaeklotz--Does your servant girl over
sleep herself?
subbubs-Not only that. but she over
sleeps s.'-Philadelphia Press.
Major Buffer-I.ady vi looks uncommon
ly we'll Got such a fresh complexion
Mrs Scratcham-Yes- Fresh one every
day.-Punch-
Him. don't like young Higgins and he
doesn't like me.
Her-WeI that is certainly very much to
the credit of both of you.-Chicage Daily
News.
Ethel-Think of his being a footpadi He
looked like real foreign nobleman-
Esther-What did ne rob you Off
Ethel-Everythin ! had.
Esther-Then I guess he was.-Judge.
/ Blink is always moving his lawn
Yes, answered the nefghDor who takes
| life easy. 'tBinx doesn't realize how a
man IN his shirt sleeves pushing a lawn
mover spoils the looks of his lawn
! Washington Star.
II don't see anything in that poets
s'Of course you don't replied the ed
itor in chief because I opened it first
and took a IS bill out of IT, Give 1t a
good place-tOp column, next reading mat.
ter Atlanta Constitution.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-05-29
THEY AL Do IT.

We may be a poor judge, but it seems
TO US that some of the gossip about the
Standard Oil company is very silly. A
former enploye OF the company, but
who was discharged for dishonesty.
says he was sent around to do up
rival coal oil. He accomplished this by
using poor lamps, wicks and chimneys
when he tested the oil furnished by a
rival company. Isn't that foolish stuff
to occupy the time Of a court, and be
printed in the newspapers2 Is there an
agent anywhere who wouldn't cheer
fully do the same thing to a competitor?
-Atchison Globe
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-05-29

Now that a large number of cities
have taken over the business of sup
plying their citizens with water. with
g large degree Of satisfaction to all
concerned, may we not reasonably look
forward to the time when they will
also supply their people with ice2 Ice
IS merely water in a CONCEALED form.
one is hardly more or less necessary
than the other
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-05-29
REFLECTIONS or A BACHELOR
TFrom the New York Press.

IFrom the New York Press.l
The same interest never looks SO
much when you are receiving it as
when you are paying 1t.
No matter how late a man comes
home at night, he knows he was all
right if he didn't hang any of his
clothes on the chandelier.
The most fun that a woman has on
her summer vacation is buying the
clothes for It beforehand.
A girl has such a deceptive imagina-
ton she viii believe she has never let
any man mug her when It is happen
Ing
When woman gets her yachting
costume - likely as not It is sign
she Is 8cing 70 spend her summer in
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-05-29
WHO'S AFRAID

Some man having no fear of law il.
his heart on last Thursday night wens
to within a block of the court house
where the lawyers were presentine
their arguments to the Jury in the
horse thief case. and cut the wire to
an arc light and stole a horse from a
man named Bull. The same night a
horse was stolen from a farmer south
of A1arysville. One of the horses
taken was foundry Sheriff Barrett in
a pasture near 4Marysville, but so far
there has been no trace found of the
thief.-Blue Rapids Times.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-05-29

well as state officers. Popular cleo
ton of United states senator's prob
ably viii prevail all over the union be-
fore many years. but not through 8
constitutional amendment The peo-
PIE can always hnd some way to &C
compIfsh their will.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-05-29
ANXIOUS DAYS FOR LAND GRAB
I,TRC

So far as indictments go. the federal
authorities in Nebraska are having
success in their movement against al
legged fraudulent land deals. A bank
president and a government farmer on
an Indian reservation are among those
who have just been indicted in Omaha.
The prosecution of persons who are
supposed to be connected with land
frauds will long be regarded as one of
the important acts of the Roosevelt
Observation-Disclosures Express.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-05-29

Those consuls who have been hiding
from the government. and hence from
the public the real value Of their posi-
tions so far as concerns fees. are now
paying the fiddler. They failed to
make returns of the full amount Of such
fees for fear of rush of applicants for
their places. In the framing Of the new
arrangement under which all these
posts are put on a salary basis, and all
fees covered into the United States
treasury. the salaries were graded ac-
cording to the financial returns of the
OFFICES, and as a result good many Of
the consuls will not get so much salary
under the new deal as they would have
done if they had not tried to conceal
their profits under the old arrangement
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-05-29
CONSOLATION FOR BURTON.

home industry to send Senator Burton
to a Missouri jail We have lots of
good iails in Kansas and there is
plenty of room in any of them. It
may be some consolation to Senator
Burton, however, to know that the
Missouri jail to which he has been sem
fenced is built of stone and is said to
be much superior to the general run
of county jails. Many federal prison
ers are sent there.-Miami Repub-
ican.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-05-29
IRREGULAR METHODS FAIL.

san Francisco subtreasury failed It
was an impuisive. poorly planned and
consequently coarse piece of work.
The approved method of going after
government funds is by means Of an
appropriation or by the judicious let
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-05-29

Hope springs eternal in the Demo
cratic breast. That party is now talk
ing about carrying Maine at the cleo
Con this year. The Democrats have
been carrying Maine in the spring and
losing It In the fall ever since the Re
publican party was born, one year be-
ing excepted. Perseverance may be
rewarded some time and why not this
year as we'll as another?
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-05-29
AN MS SAME THEM

The beef trust is greatly alarmed lest
the agitation against it on the part of
President Roosevelt may hurt the cattle
Industry of the country. But the cattle
industry Is as well satisfied to be hurt
by the president as by the beef trust
SaIina Journal.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-05-29

The government has detailed two
army officers to travel with a circus to
study its transportation and commits
sary methods. If the show people had
only known OF it before their paper
was printed, no doubt every show in
the country would have claimed to
he ssit,'
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-05-29
THE NrTMEG PoLIcY.

There are two things that Senator
Buckley of Connecticut firmly be-
lieves. One is that it is all right to
buy votes and the other that it is en-
tirely proper to pay for them with
other peoples money.@Boston Tran
script
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-05-29

wisconsin Is the hrst northern state
TO provide for selection OF United
States senators by. popular vote. The
direct primary system of nomination
amounts to an election. and Wiscon-
ans primary law includes senators as
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-05-29

The situation appears to be about
like this. If the senate wants Mr.
Burton's resignation it can have it by
making its desires in the matter
known
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-05-29

The advocates of local self govern
nent for cities have formed a nationai
organization. Control of municipal af~
fairs by the farmers of the country
grows more unpopular wear bv wear.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-05-29

1t IS proposed to divide California
into two states. All south OF Tehaehapi
would like to cut loose from the earth
quake region.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-05-29

There is one thing fairly certain:
II King Alfonso were about to marry
an American girl he would be com
PEELED to come over here for her. She
would not go 10 him as the British
princess Is doing.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-05-29

Automobiling is said to be intoxi-
eating. Here is a chance for the resi-
dents Of cities where the lid has beer.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-05-29

IF Rev. Charles NJ. Sheldon can sue
coed in inducing the population Il
convert some Of its frecracker monek
into q fund for memorial hall he will
benefit the public in two directions a,
the same time.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-05-29
CONSTITUTIONAL HOT AIR.

At the present session Of congress
there has been some able expounding
of the constitution, but there has been
good deal of language that the
makers Of the constitution are under
stood never to have used.=Cincinnati
ENQUIRER.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-05-29

Rockefeller will give a million dol,
lars toward the establishment OF
Juvenile reformatories. II he can pre-
vent other boys from developing into
men ike himself he will be doing )
good work.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-05-29

The sentiment against rebating has
reached the point that givers Of trad
ing stamps are being arrested in Phila-
d.alnFfa
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-05-29

Gen. Funston's boomers should re-
member what happened to one presi-
Dental candidate who had a swimming
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-05-29

When the magazine writers get down
to work on 1t we shall know all about
the rate bill and what can be expected
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-05-29
FRIFNDIY REcIPROcITy

The generous gifts from corpora
tons to railroads of cigars. cases Of
wine, jewels. stocks and dividends re-
flutes the cynical theory that there Is
no sentiment in business and no
brotherhood of man.-Chicago News
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-05-29

After all the American colonies can
have some things denied to US here
in the states-postal savings banks,
for instance.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-05-29

Another reason for opposition to slot
machines has been discovered. They
lead to the coming of lead nickels.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-05-29

Still the Topeka ball club is not as
had on as Boston's. which was defeat
ed seventeen times in succession.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-05-29

by special rebates given them. by. rail-
roads it was an easy thing with pru-
dent management to make millions of
dollars Of profits yearly. It is evidently
high time for the tariff standpatters
and the railroad rebate givers and re-
ceivers to be brought to book and the
laws so changed and enforced that no
set of men viii be able to become
multimiluonaires through the shutting
out of both foreign and domestic COM
T,atffsor
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-05-29

The senate has not fully made up
its mind to sustain the decision of the
supreme court in the Burton case
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-05-29

The combines into which the
churches are entering are no cause
Tor Worry. salvation viii remain free.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-05-29

Although king, Alfonso must yield
his accustomed place in the limelight
TO the Princess Ena for the next few
days.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-05-29

Grover Cleveland probably sympa-
thizes with the car, who has douma
on his hands.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-05-29
FUT.E, LEASED WIRE REPORT
OF THE ASSOCIATED PRESS.

The state Journal IS a member Of the
Associated Press and receives the full cay
telegraph report of that great news o1s S1i3
iration for the exclusive afternoon publ
cation in Topeka.
The news Is received in The state Jour
nal building over wires for this sole pur-
nose.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-05-29

The United States senate appears to
stand in need Of an automatic bouncer.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-05-29

EtheI-Think of his being a footpadl He
looked like a real foreign nObleman.
Esther-What did he rob you of?
Ethel-Everything I had.
Esther-Then guess he was.-Judge.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-05-29

HIM don't like young Higgins and he
doesn't like me.
Her-Well. that is certainly very much to
the credit of both Of you.-Chicage Daily
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-05-29

Poet-will you look over this bit Of verse
at your leisure2
Fditor-gee here, young man, what ig-
norant fool ever gave you the idea that
newspaper men ever had any leisure2-
Cleveland Leader
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-05-29

Major Buffer-Lady vi looks uncommon
ly we'll Got such n fresh complexion
Mrs Scratcham-Yes- Fresh one every
day.-Punch-
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-05-29

They say his wife is a good house
keeper"
yes. she kept his house all right when
he failed last spring But of course he
had TO put it IN her name. Chicago
Record-Herald.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-05-29

Blacklotz-Does your servant girl over
sleep herself?
Subbubs-Not only that. but she over
sleeps us''-PhiladelpIlia Press.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-05-29

They say that the Indian prince who
has just arrived in this country has an In
come Of IS, 900, 900 a year
That ought to keep him in bread"
Yes but an Indian prince doesn't care
for bread without Buddha. Cleveland
Plain Dealer
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-05-29

What makes you think he is going to
be candidate2
HE wants 10 shake hands with every
one, he sees. w ashington Star.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-05-29

How did you become such a good cor
net player2'
Il had job in a deaf and dumb asylum
and nobody interfered with my practic-
ing.'-C1eveland Leader
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-05-29

GLADYS" called her pa, what time
is -t2
ITS eleven, father
ITS twelve up here Eleven and twelve
are tWenty-three4'
And then the young man departed
Houston Chronicle.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-05-29

Blink is always moving his lawn
Yes answered the neighbor who takes
life easy ''Binx doesn't realize how a
man IN his shirt sleeves pushing a lawn
mower sPoils the looks of his lawn
Star.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-05-29

Stranger in Yaphank)-That show to ba
given here next week ought to be sup
pressed Would you be willing to start
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-05-29

Mr.. Rockefeller, who is about to cross
the ocean, probably will be warned by
the recent experience of young Mr.
Thaw, of Pittsburg, who says he lost
$1,000 600 in a poker game.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-05-29

Local Minister-Who are you. may
ask
stranger-rm the advance agent-Puck.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1906-08-06
STAR GOLFERS TO
MEET THIS WEEK

The second annual open championship OF
the Metropolitan Golf Association. to be
held at Hollywood n. j., Thursday. Friday
and Saturday OF this week. win interest
both amateurs and professionals, Jerome ID.
Travers, winner of the ShinnecoCk tourna-
ment last week, has decided to play, and
Walter ]. Travis Of Garden City expects to
start.
These amateurs made a strong showing
in the NJ G. A. open q year ago at Fox
Hills, and they are both at the top OF
their game they are liable to beat out a
lot of professionals. Gilman P. Tiffany, an
other coming amateur, has entered
Alec Smith of Nassau is the present NJ
G. A. open champion, having won the title
last year at Fox Hills, where he beat out
VIII Anderson after a tie. That Smith is
in form there can be no doubt. He has been
winning tournament after tournament this
season, including the national and western
open championships. In addition to being
brilliant Smith has steadied down consider
ably, so that in a seventytwo-hole medal
play competition he virtually wears down
his field.
Entries will close today for this tourna-
ment with Leighton Calkins. secretary of
the Metropolitan Golf Association. Martin
O'Loughlin, the homebred from the Plain
field Country Club, has entered, which
means that the Scots will have to be on
their mettle. AS yet no home production
has beer able to break in on the open cham
pionship' monopoly enjoyed by the Scots.
and the first one who does is bound to come
in for no end of golfing fame. OLoughlin
finished in the money at the NJ. G. A. open
championship at Fox Hills last year.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1906-08-06
LONG HITS AND TOTAL BASES.
AMERICAN LEAGUE GAMES.
Home Run and Single Enables st.
Louis TO Defeat New York.

ST LOUIS. Mo-. August s.-George
Stones work with the bat defeated the New
York Americans yesterday In the initial
game OF the series by TO l. He drove the
ball to the center field fence for home run
I'm the fourth and came right back in the
next inning with smash over second that
sent Jones, who had previously doubled.
home with the Winning tally. The visitors
had bad day all around. Doc" Newton
was clearly not at his best. and his team
mates behind him did not do much to Offset
this weakness
Petty. at the present time McAleer's best
pitcher, held the New Yorks safe for eight
innings. Yeager hit out single In the Nth
inning. with two out. but was forced at Sec
ond. Mcguire connected for base at the
opening OF the sixth. Hoffman ran for him.
Wild pitch put Dan on third. Newton
struck out and Kaeier sacrificed. It was
then up to Eiberneid. bat Petty forced the
little shortstcp to pop up an easy one to
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1906-08-06
RESTAURANTS G. CAFES.
WHERE TO DINE.

Cambridge University Boat Club he began
to hunt for them by means OF the tele-
graph. Meanwhile he assembled all the
Cambridge graduates who could be reached
and discussed with them the challenge
from the Harvard crew. All agreed that II
must be accepted IL q crew could be pro-
cured in any way Several oarsmen not
belonging to the 1906 crew said they were
willing to row II they were wanted. Then
answers began to come from the others
abroad One. VINO is studying on the con-
tinent, said It was impossible for him TO
return, but six who r0Ted for the univer-
sity this year teiegraphed their ass 10
row
With the exception Of Powell. whom B.
C. Johnson replaces. the Cambridge crew
will be Identical with the one that defeated
oxford in April. Some rearrangement OF
places in the boat IS possible but Stuart
will be stroke.
Mr.. Lehman says the Harvard oarsmen
ollite understand that the race is not for
any championship. They preferred con-
test with the Cambridge winning crew, but
would rather meet scratch lot than not
race 1t would have been impossible TO
have arranged championship race. as IL
would have necesitated meeting OF the
Cambridge University Boat Club. consist
ing of twenty-five or thirty different or
Plantations, which was quite out OF the
question in vacation time. When asked 10
predict the outcome Mr.. Lehman shook ms
sead dpubtfully and said: I'VE have a good
crew. but Harvard is very strong l I'M
derstend their crew weighs more than
ours
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1906-08-06
Batting Rally Defeats Athletes.

CHICAGO, ILL.,, August Ca terrific bat
ting rally in the eighth inning of the game
yesterday ended In the defeat OF the Ath-
letics by the White Sox by the score of 10
to g doc" White. Comiskey's star twirler,
is partly responsible for the run-getting in
this period, for 1t was his triple that started
the fireworks, and when the smoke OF battle
had cleared away Connie Mack's Indian
twirler. Bender, observed from the score
board that five runs had resulted.
Bender certainly got awful walloping.
He was pounded all over the lot. At times
the fans felt sorry for him in way, but
they were tickled to death at seeing the WIS.,
itors defeated, for every victory these days
counts an awful lot for the White Sox. who
have the pennant bee buzzing In their bon
nets.
White had all the luck Of the encounter.
Whenever he got in a tight hole, he man
aged to get out unscathed, but not so for
Bender White had the better OF the argu-
ment In good support. A double play in the
first by Isbell and Davis. with the bases
full, certainly helped awful lot. Then In
the sixth, with the Athletics having men on
second and third, and none out things look
ed squally for moment with the hard hit
ters due at the bat. Donohue got one at the
plate Sullivan attended to one at second
and Isbell cared for the last one.
The score:
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1906-08-06
American League Clubs Standing
National League Clubs Standing.

The following tables give the complete
records OF the Nationals from the begin
ming OF the season up to yesterday. ninety
four games. winning thirty-fve and losing
fttty-elght, and one tie game with the Ath-
letIcs. Altizcr leads in batting with .2S7.
closely followed by Anderson with .2S6.
Wakefield has dropped to .26s and Cross to
.257
Falkenberg leads In fielding with 1887.
followed by Stahl at first with 1884. al
though Stanley. in center. IN six games.
and Altizcr in right. in two games. have
a record OF 1000. Patten, Anderson, Nil
aid KItson have also fine records in their
respective positions. Anderson is the only
player that has passed the century mark
in base hits. having made 104. He also
leads In total bases. 13l. closely followed
by Hickman 123. and Cross, 101 while
Jones and Altizer are not far behind.
Schaiy and Stahl lead In sacrifice hits,
while Anderson leads In stolen bases with
q followed by Stahl and Cross with 20
and 49, respectively
Patten is the only pitcher that has won
a majority Of his games followed by Fall
kenberg. with an even break.