davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-07-25
JAYHA WKER JOTS

IT required a thousand sandwiches
and two barrels of lemonade TO sup
ply Wichita Sunday school picnic.
When Miss Cross and Mr.. Rhodes
got married at Manhattan it was no
Cross-Rhodes AFFAIR. Notwithstanding
the newspaper headlines.
IN Osborne county only SO teachers
received certificates out of 108 exam
ined Perhaps the others did not
know about that Andover Band.
a Jewell City woman had her pic
ture taken recently for the first time
in sixty years. In 1886 she sat for q
daguerreotype, but hasn't had a pic
ture made since.
A Mcpherson woman, while cutting
corn from a roasting ear. clipped &
piece from the end of her finger, but
as she wasn't making sausage the
piece was rescued.
An lola man nearly froze the other
night He was in swimming in the
Neosho. when a picnic party came
along and camped near his clothes.
It was four hours before he got out.
Salina is to have another ward
which will give the anti-joint element
control of the city council; wherefore
the liquor people argue that Salina
has no more use for five wards than
a wagon has for five wheels.
Greenieaf man. according to the
NJ-A%tAAAE4s ACCCA4AA} AA1u DlIlHQAEy ana
to commemorate the occasion his wife
gave him a set Of dishes. which was
followed later by the bill for them.
He Will remember the occasion.
Popularity has its drawbacks. An
Atchison young girl. according to the
Globe, is so popular that she was re-
Gently pulled out of bed at six in the
morning to go to a picnic, and COM
PEELED to finish dressing, half asleep in
the buggy, while her caprors drove off
with her.
Smith county's def" issue by Bert
Headley in the Gaylord Sentinel: For
years this paper has. listened to Bill
Palmer's Jewell Republican make fab
uious claims about the superiority OF
Jewell county, and has never had
nerve enough to dispute his word, be-
cause Bill is so confoundedly cheerful
about it, But we have finally found an
opportunity to get in a good lick. Ac-
cording to statistics Smith county has
on deposit In its banks the sum of
$1,50O.000, while Jewell shows up with
only SL350,000. We anticipate that It
will take the combined effort of Bill
Palmer and Old Man Norton to salts
factorily explain that condition to the
audience
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-07-25
JOURNAL ENTRIES


If Mr.. Gourdian is SO anxious to go
to Jail, why doesn't he go to Toledo
and join the ice trust7
This department confesses to very
little curiosity concerning Russell
Sage's will. It doesn't expect anything
from Uncle Russ.
Bill Doolittle thinks this weather is
too hot for him to work on his dray
wagon, but he. can help the boys prac-
tiee baseball all the afternoon and never
feel the heat at all. There are a good
many people like Bill.
=
We really don't see why there should
be SO much excitement because a mil
liona1re turns socialist. What we would
really like to know is, how can So
ctalist turn millionaire?
y
There is an onion famine at Fort
Scott. but nobody is shedding tears
about it.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-07-25
GLOBE SIGHTS.

[From the Atchison Globe.l
Every bore thinks he is pestered by
a lot OF bores.
People are compelled to smother re-
sentiments at least a dozen times a day.
This is a fact: a man always on the
square has less real trouble than the
other fellow.
It is as difficult to secure farm hands
in the country as it is to secure hired
girls in town.
There never was king. were he
not afraid Of the queen, who wouldn't
hirt with the cook.
Notice to editors of magazines: We
farmers are becoming very tired of
stories Of artists studios.
We viii admit there is an improve
ment in the noise coming from the
house next door. Tt no longer includes
eloeution.
The average married woman is not
very well suited with her husband. but
she thinks almost any girl would be
glad to get him.
A reporter may not always get an
item when he asks for news. but Il is
mighty seldom that he cannot get a
roast of someone or something.
Along about this time of the year If
the farmers were allowed to vote on the
most tantalizing thing in the world,
they would say. a cows tail
This is about what entertaining
amounts to: The people who are not
invited win hate you forever, and those
who go will make fun OF your party.
When a man catches a big string Of
fish. how he loves to carry it along the
main street OF the town in which he
lives! All of US like to display our big
catches in other lines.
There are advantages in being an old
maid. For instance: When she is old
all the children in the neigh borhood
don't call her Grandma Smith," or
Grandma Jones'
When she is six she makes her Ioudest
noise when she cries, and when she is
sixteen 1t is when she laughs, and some
how the loud laugh is often as far from
being musical as the crying.
"a soldier last night offered to sell
the shoes off his feet in order to get
money with which to buy booze. don't
do that, but I do a lot Of other fool
things. Drake Watson.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-07-25

who tied themselves up in the party
primary.
It is a serious question how to devise
the best plan to secure the viii Of a
majority OF the people. The primary
election is splendid In theory, espe-
ciaily where there are only two can
didates, but it will probably require
considerable experimenting to get at
the most satisfactory plan. As Gov
ernor Hoch says. there are a great
many honest differences OF opinion,
and 1t is a question of selecting the
best ideas. A candidate should not be
condemned because ne refuses to
subscribe to some certain scheme for a
primary election.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-07-25

ron Law ENFORcEM ENT.

The people OF Kansas are for the
enforcement OF the laws. The people
of Kansas will overlook many otner
nllstakes-and no one can ueny that
Governor HOch being human has made
them-lf he viii close up the saloons
IN the large cities. 1t can be done he
has proved it. Now let him close the
saloons Of Wichita, AuchIson. Leaven-
worth, Fort Scott, Pittsburg, and the
larger Kansas towns. and the saloon
keeper in the little towns will turn tail.
The Kansas Republican newspapers
who desire to see the Democrats whip
ped on their own ground should sus-
tam the governor and should urge him
to continue the fight he has made in
Kansas City to every lawless county IN
Kansas-and there are plenty of them
a law enforcing campaign always has
the people behind Hiawatha
World.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-07-25
THE Wild. EIUsTvE HaT.

HE ~ ILL., E1A1OSAt 4 HeAL.
just watch the man pursue his hat
In wild despair;
Now right now left, he wildly springs,
His legs and arms he twists and filings,
As blitheIy in its swift career
II wnlris and twirIs in spfrals queer,
Eli scarce he knows where he Is at
Or on the pavement spraWling flat
He wants to swear.
Now watch the people all go right
For that same tilei
Ibey grab, they jab, like all possessed,
and each one tries to beat the rest
10 stop that wild. elusive thing,
That gyrates like a. bird on wing;
TIL finally it ends its flight
Al some ones feet who grabs it tight,
With lordly smile.
Why don't the man with noddle bare
Just stand his ground?
All things will come to him who waits.
which most to Grant hats relates.
Besides, it's just all kinds Of fun
TO watch the people boot and run,
ana some Kind soul is always there
To bring It back, brushed up with care,
All safe and sound.
Emile Peckhardt in the Old Scrap
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-07-25
QUAKER REFLECTIONS.
[Fron the Philadelphia Record

EFrom the Philadelphia Record
In midsummer It would be better to
be a Coolie than Hottentot.
He-"Don't you think Maude Is
SWEET She" Um-weil. there are no
flies on her.
Heaven is q place where the pedes-
trian will have just as many rights as
the automobile.
A jury is a body Of II men selected
to decide which of the contestants has
the best lawyer.
The only way some fellows viii ever
reach the top round OF the ladder is By
turning 1t upside down.
The man who makes soothing syrup
may not know a great deal about music,
but he IL q great composer.
A string around an absent-ninde&
mans finger generally reminds him OF
something he has forgotten.
Mr. BuggIns-.-Do you think the new
cook IS beginning to feel at homer
Mrs. Buggins-"D Decidedly. She had six
policemen in the kitchen last night"
II love will grow,
Az poets say
We want to know
AlasI which way.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-07-25

II am sorry to hear that wrinkles and
his wife can't live together in peace. There
that's the trouble. isn't it2''
Yes, he's a stsndpatter, and she's a
standpouter- Chicago Tribune.
You admit you were at fault inEthat
Greatly in fault answered the trust
Tnagnate- I see now where I could have
taken far better precautions for conceal
n1erit. w ashington Star.
Mr. sponEely fsiightiy related)-splen-
did. Magnificent! Do You know, Uncle
seeing the sun set behind the hill.''
Uncle Eli-That,s what me an mothers
beginnin' to think Puck.
Kindhearted Protestant vicar-what is
the matter. my child?
yaiIfar voice)-'Tis the way the bows have
gone to steal the clergyman's strawber-
ries while he's up at the church beyant.
and they won't take me wild 'en.-2unch
"A number Of statesmen. refuse to de-
pend on the Judgment OF the common peo-
well. answered Farmer Corntossei.
common people In putting en- up for Of
fee, I don't know as [ blame EN-
Washington Star
You seem exceedingly proud of that
am answered the young statesman.
The fact that got a chance to deliver
it shows have influence with the speak-
er"-WT ashington Star.
Wat are the irish coming tor de-
manded the eminent lecturer
Coming to Arneriky. moSht of en-"
answered voice from the rear Of the
hall Ask us hard wan. Louisville
Courter-Journal
What would you do If the people of
your state were to clamor for your resig-
I'D profit by the hint" answered Sen
than ever on the Legislature. Washing
ton Star.
Urbane stranger-SEr Methuselah. I IN
derstand that this is your seth birthday
viii mako II worth your while 4 you
Will attribute your ripe old age TO Mac
Huffy's malt whisky.-Puck.
First Cracksmsn-wot dye t'ink O dat?
Dere amt nurtin' IN dis safe but .uls
receipts fer life insurance premiums
Second Cracksman-Say I'm Eoin' ter
quit dis business Dere's too much com
petition owadays,-LouisvilIe Courier
Journal.
Revenge is sweet" said Uncle Eben.
but you mustn't forgit to figure dat it's
es' sweet to do de other Teller as Il Is to
you. washington Star.
Ann-See what lovely diamond engage
ment ring Henry gave me
Jane-Yes. 1t Is And it's genuine, too
Ann-Why, what do you mean2
and had It tested.-cleveiand Plain
Dealer.
why do youse avoid dat buIldog?" ask
ed TIRED Trims, sneeringiy.
Not personally answered Precise Per
kins, but my garments are sufficiently
so. Louisville Courier-Journal
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-07-25
Po1NTED PARAoRAPHs-
IFrom the ChIcaEo NAWs.1

From the Chicago News1
Air castles ought to be cool. at least.
Lovesick couples should take theirs from
q spoon.
A woman doesn't faint every time she
has a faint idea
A tombstone record has no influence
with the recording angel.
Some men act as If they really believed
everything they say.
II man Is crazy and doesn't know It,
it's because he Is a bachelor.
As the policyholders multiply the in
surance company directors divide
Many a man has the tired feeling be-
cauge of his strenuous efforts 70 avoid
work
It's easy to put the lid on, but when Il
comes 70 keeping Il Orwell that's an
other story.
When one man wants to turn another
mans head ne tries 70 get his ear, but q
woman makes m eoaEt 70 catch hfs ESQ.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-07-25
Roa1E News WILLIE AWAY.

subsribeFs OF the STATE JonrnaI
ssy1ay during tRle summer may have
szss paper mailed regularly each day
Do amy address ae ~ rate Of ten cents
= week or thirty cents a month Thy
u1aaig only. Address changed as often
as desired. While out OF town the
state journal win be to you Ike a
daily letter from home.
Advance payment IL requested on
these short time subscriptions. to save
bookkeeping expense
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-07-25

pany OF amateur cavalry to flight single.
handed. The cavalry was maneuvering,
but when the automobile ran in among
them the horses scattered like a flock
OF birds. A dapper lieutenant ap-
peared and began to give orders but
just IN the midst OF them his horse
started and tried to climb tree.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-07-25
REFLECTIONS OF a BACHELOR

IFroTn the New York Press.J
It's awful unlueky to have a conscience
Il you are IN business.
Even Il a married man escapes, force Of
habit makes him go and get another wife.
A woman doesn't mind being badly
trested by a man; what she objects to Is
not having any man to treat her badly.
# men had TO give as much money ev-
cry year to support the government as
they do the rum shops kAere would be q
revolution.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-07-25

While Uncle Russell Sage was
penurious and money-grasping old man,
be was nota bly, free from most Of those
wicea that have made some other well
known millionaires notorious. He was
strictly honest. and his private life was
above reproach
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-07-25

Governor Hoch points with pride to
his appointnents-and he is entitled to
% so In most instances. There is some
curiosity, however, to know if he will
eeeppoint Carr Taylor as attorney to
&hs railroad board. The people Of kan
Ass you'd be grained to knovz.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-07-25

"Out OF IS cases OF eggs an Esbon
merchant had to lose "a dozen rotten
1nes." says the Jewell Republican, and
81 adds, that is what makes the price
go down" That depends on which way
vou look at 1t. From the town mans
point Of view that is what makes the
prlce 90 up.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-07-25

A Democratic exchange says: Gov
arnor Hoch's address to the people Of
kansas sounds very much like the wal
81 a dying man grasping for a straw"
Did you ever. know of a dying man who
zrasped for q straw; and II so. what
aid he want with the straw-unless he
was dying from too much water? Also,
how did the straw come to be there,
and what connection was there between
me waillng and the graspingg We
simply inquire for information.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-07-25

Ell the Hartje case gets much worse, %
says the Chicago News, 1T will yet
disgust even Pittsburg." The News con-
siders two impossibilities In this state
vnsnt In the first place, the Hartje
case could not get any worse; and in
4he second place, it would be inpossi-
bic to disgust Pittsburg
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-07-25

Congressman Longworth, at his
bachelor dinner. told a story about
mud AN American in Liverpool,
waiting for boat home" he said,
ate his last dinner on foreign soil
with an Epglishman.
The Englishman complained of the
mud in America. He told number
Of tall stories about the execrable
roads of America. and the scrapes
they had gotten him into. both walk
ing and driving.
At the end of a particularly tall
story OF this kind the American said:
Yes, we have a lot of mud in
America, I admit it. 1t is nothing to
the mud over here, though
Nonsense said the Englishman.
Fact, the American replied.
Why, this afternoon, on walk out
Chester way. I had a remarkable ad-
venture-came near getting into
trouble with an old gentleman=all
through your accused mud
Some of the streets are a little
greasy at this season. I admit said
the Englishman. What was your
adventure, though?'
I" Well said the American, as I
was walking along Bold street, I no.
ticed that the mud was very thick
and presently I saw a. high hat affoat
on large puddle Of very rich ooze.
g Thinking to do some one a kind
ness, I gave the hat poke with my
stick, when an old gentleman looked
ing.
Hello I said. you're in pretty
deep
I'm on the top of an omnibus st.
Louis Globe-Democrat-
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-07-25

If it wasn't for the nature OF the
stuff. perhaps the ice man would be
more careful to give full weight It's
pretty hard to take a chunk of ice into
court and prove by it that the ice man
didn't give you enough.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-07-25

Mayor Davis has received a letter
from a New York woman asking where
John Kavasnicka and Joseph Carmala
live. They have plantations" in kan
aas From the looks of those names it
would seem as though inquiry OF the
postmaster at Cuba, Kansas, might To-
cate the parties wanted.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-07-25

It is announced that the Republican
congressional campaign committee will
snake special efforts in those districts
adected with the tariff reform idea.
This looks as though the Fourth Kan
aas district may have some fireworks
.tle fam
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-07-25

How would it do to name Hon. Gro
yer Cleveland, of Princeton, N J.. as
Mr.. Bryan's running mate-to give
EeIght to the ticket. 90 to speak?
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-07-25

VIII some kindly disposed party
please rise and state which OF the
dozen or more ways of pronOuncing
Breathitt county, Kentucky, is the
proper. one2
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-07-25

In John c. RuckeIshaus' mail one
morning while he was prosecuting at
torney Of Marion county was letter
teeming with vituperation and abuse,
with invective and expletive.
Page after page it was just the same.
Ruckelshaus grew redder and redder
and finally he decided to have the wri-
ter before the grand jury and force him
to make good the statements of the
letter or go to jail. Quickly the prose
cutor looked at the signature
"V-o-x, Vox, P-o-p-u-l-i, Populi, Voz
Popun,'' he spelled out. who the
dickens dye pose that is?' he queried
Of himself. Here YOU" he continued.
speaking to one Of his assistants who
happened to be in the Office at the time.
get the directory there and find out
where this fellow yox PopuH lives, will
YOU ?''-Indianapolis News.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-07-25

In the naval battle Of Santiago the
loss of the United States WAS one man
killed In the peaceful celebration Of
July T. 1905. the number killed was
over forty.-St. Louis Globe-Democrat
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-07-25

Now Cincinnati has taken its turn at
sndlcting the ice man. 10. the poor ice
man seems to be getting his in that no
ted locality where the chicken usually
gets the ak
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-07-25

An Emporia man, according to the
Gazette. doesn't buy an automobile be-
cause he doesn't like to patronize the
Standard Oil company. Well, he won't
need to as soon as denatured alcohol
sets into general use.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-07-25

II you read how the president put
up his hay crop, you may have noticed
that Senator Tillman isn't the only one
who can handle a pitchfork.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-07-25

Perhaps Mr.. Hearst means by his
withdrawal from the 1908 race that he
thinks 1912 offers a better opportunity
Boston Transcript.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-07-25
Proved Her Pronosition-

Timothy Woodruff tells of family
in Duchess county who recently took
into their employ a rosy checked Irish
maid Of all work, whose blunders af-
ford amusement to compensate for any
trouble she may entail.
One day the owner of the place
stated in the girls hearing that he in
tended to have woodhouse built on Il
piece OF ground which at that time
inclosed a well.
tShure, sor," said the inQuirlng
Margaret, will you be movln' the we'll
to a more convenient spot whin the
woodhouse is buiIded ?"
AS a smile crossed the face of her
employer Margaret at once perceived
she had made mistake OF some sort
Its a fool I am shure." she added
hastily, bound to retrieve herself. "Of
coorse, whin the well was moved livery
drop of wather would run out Of it,
Harper's Weekly.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-07-25
ASSURING re POPs.

In order to prevent any false I'M
preston on the part OF the Populists
Mr.. Bryan hastens to assure them he
is not so conservative that It hurts him.
Chicago Tribune.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-07-25

Kansas colleges are making prepara-
lions for a big attendance the coming
gear. In these days OF prosperity al
most any Kansas boy or girl can get
q good education by. exercising a due
amount Of pluck and perseverance.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-07-25
sMIIING

stool and look pretty for two years. And
yet, II We are not mistaken, the dis
tinguished gentleman has been almost
smiling since July In 1885,
Toledo Blade
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-07-25

The Nebraska girl who swallowed a
stolen diamond viii. during three
years Imprisonment. have time to re-
feet that after ell q simple, inexpen-
sfve diet Is most wholesome ASH
angkan StaEa
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-07-25
SWITCH THE FAMINEs.

Joy would reign supreme with the
average man II the coal famine and the
ice famine could be induced to exchange
seasons.-Wa Washington Star.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-07-25

It is very evident that a decided ef-
4ort is being made all over the country
Be freeze out the ice trusts.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-07-25

Ice in small town is a luxury. But
ice in the large cities where the poor
suffer from the sweltering heat, IS
necessity. The icenan is entitled to the
that dealers in other lines are entitled
to, but the iceman is not entitled to
the right to raise the price of ice be-
yond the reach OF the poor, taking from
them the money that should be spent
for other provisions. For five years the
papers of the large cities have been
asking for some way to regulate the
price of ice in order to prevent abject
sunering among the poor. 1t looks like
Toledo has very unexpectedly solved the
problem. Put the icemen where they
themselves viii need ice-in prison.-Sa-
lima Journal.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-07-25
INDIANA,s WIsH.

And, gentlemen Of Ohio. if you are
really going to drive the Standard out
of the state, please point It the other
dianapolis News.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-07-25
HE. HADN'T ORTER.

An Indiana locksmith shot the girl
that Tilted him, so there Is one at least
that love shouldn't have laughed at
New York Herald.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-07-25

why don't they use automobiles in
war2 The Atchison Globe says ". P.
Waggener was out In his machine the
ather evening and put a whole com