The new age. [volume] (Portland, Or.) 1896-1905, 1906-01-13
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Moike! Moike! WEEK up; ut's tonne +
take y incomnia midicine.
i notice you never wear a watch
with your evening clothes" mo; 1
never have both out at the same time"
Grit.
Emeline-Well, this worlds stage.
Ellzabeth-Yes; and the scenery is so
much more satisfactory than the cast
Brooklyn Life.
AT last" exclaimed Darwin, 81
nave discovered the missing linkw And
reaching under the bureau he drew
forth the other Chicago
News.
1t Depends.-"Papa, what's a man
VINO runs an auto called?" ut de-
Ponds on whether he Is being called
by his employer or by the man he has
just missed"
Caller-Your daughter, 1 am told.
stands at the head of her class in an
Gent languages. Mrs Lansling-Yes,
Julie is quite a latitudlnarian.-Chi-
cago TrlDune.
Yes, IT'S True.-Adams-Do you be-
lieVe 1t is sign of good luck to find
horseshoe on the road? Johnson
or course; it is sign of good luck for
some blacksmith.
When a man stahts in braggin'
about how honest he is" said Uncle
Eben, lit allus kind O. sounds to me
Ike he was 'pologizin' fob not being
mo- so."-Washington Star.
Considerate.-''Why is that picture
turned toward the wall" 20, that is
haying scene, and we have to hide
1t whenever Uncle Thomas visits us,
because he is hay fever sufferer"
Wears Daughter-Well, Mrs. Null
ligan, did you go to church on Mon
day to see my sister married? Mrs.
Mulligan-No, miss; l don't take no
interest in weddin's-Ive been to
one!
Hard To Get At-"My lord, there Is
honor among thieves" The justice
looked at him severely. There is
gold in sea-water," he replied. But
it cannot be extracted in profitable
quantities."
Hoskins-I don't objest so much to
Fanny kissing her dog, but | prefer
her to kiss me before and not after.
Wilkins-I know; but don't you sup
pose the dog has his preference, too?-
Boston Transcript.
Little Maggie (who has company
We've been playing garden party.
mamma. Mamma-Indeed! And did
you behave nicely? Little Maggie
Oh, Il didn't have to behave. 1 was
the hostess.-New Yorker.
"Ah~ said Bragg, with a view to
making Miss Brightly jealous, Il was
alone for a quite a while last evening
with one whom l admire very much"
"AhW replied Miss Brightly, "alone.
were youT-Catholic Standard.
YES" said the bride Of week
"Jack tells me everything he knows
and l tell him everything l know"
''Indeedw rejoined the eX-rival. THE
silence when you two are together
must be oppressive. Home Chat.
A HaSty Remark.-Now, Tommy, 1
want you to be good while am out"
'I'll be good for a Nickel" was Tom
mys modest offer. Tommy" said
the mother, II want you to remember
that you cannot be son of mine I'M
less you are good for nothing"
Rigid Devotion to Duty.-"What
possible comfort can you take" asked
his wife, "in sitting on the pier and
fishing all day for half a dozen little
ring perchT' 81 have the comfort of
knowing" replied Mr.. Kydoodle. stern
Iy, that am standing out against the
Infamous beef trustr
Marmaduke-Bef we were mar
ried she used to say "by-by" so sweet
ly when l went down the steps. Mont
morency-And what does she say now?
Marmaduke-Oh, just the same thing,
"buy, buy" Montmorency-Ah, see!
She exercises a different spell over
you.-W Washington Life.
What sort of breakfast food do you
like. Mr.. Newcome" asked Mrs. Starv-
EN- on his first morning in her house.
"Well, ma'am," replied the new board
err, II wouldn't mind some tenderloin
steak, a couple O. pOached eggs on
toast, lamb chops, hot mullins, coffee
and up.''-Philadelph Press.
1--WE don't want no fiyin'-machines,"
said Mr.. Erastus Pingley. emphatical-
ly. Dem automobiles is bad enough"
DO you think fying-machines will be
worse than automobiles "Yass,
does. When you is hit by an automo-
bile dar you is; but when you is hit
bv a flynn machine you amt throo yit
You has long, hard drop comm. -
Scissors.
The musical-instrument seller had
succeeded at last in working off a
cheap fiddle on a customer at four
times its value Where shall | send
ltY' he inquired. ''To GA - street.
NV fat is on the third floor" The fid-
dle-dealer's face fell. He had moved
with his family the day before to the