davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-04-16
HUM0R or THE Day

7 see that the natal bed and spring
combine have advanced prices 10 per
These combines are after US, sleeping
or waking. Cleveland Plain Dealer.
actly where you feel the pain?
Giles-Well, sir. it's a hypercriterly sort
Of pain. puts me finger on it and i
gone to, it in the old place all the time
Punch.
why, young man. said the stern par
ent, you certainly don't think I would
be foolish enough to let u penniless youth
like you marry my daughter, do you?"
Well, it's up to you" reJoined the poor
but nervy youngster- IT'S a cfnch that
homely as she is.''-Chicago News.
Mr. Cadd-No. indeed. 1 never associate
Miss Pepprey-Really. [ can't say L
don't think I ever met any Of your infer
iors.-Catholic Standard and Times
Mary makes good hash. doesr't she?
And she hasn't any receipt. either,
What does she make it out OFF,
Out of her own ead.''-Cleveland
Plain Dealer
rs this fast color?'' asked the man
who wanted three pairs of socks for a
quarter
that color is so fast that if it should
start to run it would inevitably be arrest
ed for exceeding the speed limit."-Pucl1.
Aunt Priscilla-Now, Tommy. never try to
deceive anyone: You wouldn't like to be
two faced, would yOu2
Tommy-ozra cious nofOne face is enough
to -9wash these cold Chicago
Elderly Man greeting former acquaint-
ANGEL remember your face perfectly,
miss. but your name has escaped me.
Young Woman don't wonder. 1t es-
capped me three years ago. I am married
now.-Chicago Tribune.
IN early times the leading statesmen
were those who split rails"
But we have none save wire fences to-
.;And the leaders are consequently those
who pull wires Philadelphia Bulletin.
Aren't you ambitious to achieve
Not at all.' answered Mr.. cumrox.
Fame is merely an invitation to the en-
tire public to gossip about you.'-Wash-
fngton Star
DO you think that strike will make
coal more expensive?" asked one house
holder.
it,, answered the other. But som @th ng
will. w Washington Star.
wife-The doctor prescribes a European
acknowledgements my dear: people
would think I was being Investigated
New York Sun
Gunner-There is certainly something
about an American heiress that reminds
me of a pugilist in the ring
.Guyer-strange combination What is
the resemblance
Gunner-When she takes the count she
loses.-Chicago News.
And you are ready to forgive your
daughter for clipping with me, sir?''
Yes. I'll treat her Kindly. The poor girl
will be sufficiently punished in having
you for husband. cleveland Leader.
Quilbob-The modern tendency of vo-
men, I believe, is to want the earth
Squilligau-WelI my wife doesn't want
the earth, but she certainly does want the
dust" every pay nisht.-The Squib.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-04-16
THE RIGHT KIND.


Editor Criner gives as good tes-
timoniaI OF the excellent results Of
the Oliver meetings as can well be
found He declares that people at Nc
Pherson are more honest now, that
quite a number Of persons who had
neglected, party through carelessness
and partly through intention, to pay up
on the paper have voluntarily come
forward since the Oliver meetings and
some Of them have paid IN full, some
in part and others made arrangements
to pay in the near future. We are glad
to hear it. We believe in a religion that
makes a man pay his debts.-Lindsborg
News.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-04-16
REFLECTIONS OF a BACHELOR
IFron the New York -

A boy always has a good time trying not
to do the things his father tells him to-
some men are so short sighted they
wouldn't be willing to pay the Inheritance
tax If they got the chance.
A woman never feels she Is doing her
duty unless she brags about the good
traits OF her husband just as If he had
them.
Lots more people would try to get to
heaven II they were sure there were no
Sunday schools and dry sermons there.
II there is a bumper wheat crop in the
country the average man tries to make
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-04-16

The Emporia Gazette is endangering
its reputation for truth and veracity.
Il says ''the Abilene Reflector is one of
the best edited papers in Kansas" If
81 had said that the editor of the Re
Hector is one Of the ablest editors in
Kansas. the statement would have
been undeniable. but the editor Of the
Reflector expends his energies else
where than on his newspaper. That's
The dinerenee.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-04-16

q member OF the state board OF rail-
road assessors
The Smith county Republicans de-
nanded some sort Of an expression
against the pass, and this appears to be
the reason why all the cr1minality was
placed on the railroads instead Of on
the public official who demands the
passes.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-04-16
see a Fur Coat. DODGE.

Alfred Jingle, the prominent chorus
man. was sitting with a friend in Jake
Wolffs yesterday afternoon. when he
saw something that caused him quickly
to open a newspaper, bury his head in
II and appear absorbed in the real estate
column, says the New York Times.
1t was too tate, however. An indi-
Vidual in fur-lned overcoat who had
just entered had caught sight of him,
approached the table, and asked for the
loan Of a quarter, all in thirty seconds
The humble coin was produced, trans
ferred to the palm of the needy one. and
was soon being liquidated.
Knew 1t was comm as soon as I saw
Jingle, resignedly. Used to mean pros
perity. Now they mean broke All due
to the climate. Got a friend who's
salesman in a clothing store. Firm
threatened to fire him last week. Tried
to sell fur coat to old customer for IS. 50.
and customer got insulted.
Got another friend. Drummer Wife
saved up money and gave him fur over
coat two years ago. First winter hotels
charged him SO per cent more on
strength of coat. Wore it to Bridge
port last week and hotel wanted cash
in advance Said they weren't takin'
any chances. Fact
Got another friend Poet. Mother
gave him fur coat to set him up in the
business. Saw an Inverness in a pawn
- incl , Aet0L week. OIeFed 10 swap the
fur coat for it. Pawnbroker had a fit.
Taken to Bellevue and still there. Fact.
Got friend who knows a man who
knows Clarence Potogilt's valet Valet
trying to get rid of six Russian sable
coats. Threw 'em in street and CITY
threatened to pinch him. Took 'em
back. Hobo came to door and asked
for sandwich. Valet gave him one of
the coats. Hobo burst into tears, gave
him a biff in the eye, and smashed a
wo-thousand-dollar vase
Say, got two plunks till pay day?
Bill got my last cent? Thanksr'
And signing heavily, Mr.. Jingle de-
parted for the rehearsal.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-04-16
KANSAS C0MMENT
a WOMAN,s VOTE.

A great many funny things occur at
a city election and some time the BAL
lots show evidence Of more spite than
good judgment. IN one of the wards
a ballot was found and on it was writ
ten, "Agin Mr.. As she did
not vote for or against anyone the vote
did not count but we'll bet 1t did that
woman a heap of good to take a shot
at Mr.. -Belleville Telescope.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-04-16

Unless there are some unlocked for
entries in the list of candidates for rail-
road commissioner, the chances are
that Kansas viii have a pretty good
railroad board durin the next two
years. There are three commissioners
% be elected and only four leading
candidates for the three places. Mr.
Rvksr Of Hutchinson. has the reputa-
zion Of being a good man for the place.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-04-16
MAKING IT PAY

A Chicago man offers to live for a
year without telling a lie or doing a
mean thing. for the sum of $4,000.
Most anybody could do that for such q
salary. Who wouldn't tell the truth If
he could make more out of it than he
could by telling the other thing ?-Sa-
lima Journal
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-04-16

Holton is anothe Kansas town that
has declared for municipal ownership.
At a special election last week it voted
$4,000 for a municipal electric light
plant and $4,000 for municipal water
works
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-04-16

The people of Saline county have a
little matter of s2oOO.oOo tucked
away in the banks and will try to
worry along on that until the wheat is
ready to harvest in July.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-04-16

A drmness which Mr.. Benjamin P.
Barnes displayed in handling a certain
female who insisted on being OBJ
noxious around the White House, may
have led the president to believe that
Mr.. Barnes is well qualified also to
handle the WASHINGTON malls.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-04-16

We hope some day to be able to own
enough washboilers, tubs, buckets and
tin pans that it will not be necessary
for the women to set our rubbers out
under the caves every time it rains
Washington Register
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-04-16

The Colby Free Press rises to nomi-
nate i. P. King, Henry Honey. "or
some one equally as good" for COVER
nor on the Democratic ticket It's a
bad idea to nominate two men for the
same Office. Both might accidentally
accent.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-04-16
BUT WE HAVE eTUBBS.

Mount VesuVius Is SCOUTING mud and
lava again. and generally alarming the
natives over in Italy. It might be a
great scheme to move the mountain
over in Kansas, to be used in our state
and congressional ampaigns--Burlin-
game Chronicle.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-04-16

What a lot of rot and incompetency
parade under the name of reform. An
Impractical man gets an idea into his
head and calls it reform. He has a
beautiful theory. but few theories
amount to anything. excepting expense.
-Atchison Globe.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-04-16

There is this about it: If President
Wilkinson OF the State Normal should
run for state superintendent of public
instruction and be successful, Kansas
would have real school superin-
tendent
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-04-16
pON OTHER PENS
CONSIDERABLE.

An Ohio man sues for divorce on the
ground that his wife chloroforms him
before going through his pockets. Is
her consideration in thus sparing him
pain entitled to, no consideration p
Philadelphia Ledger.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-04-16
HUH

If Senator Tillman succeeds in OBJ
tanning the passage of the railroad rate
bill. perhaps Mr.. Roosevelt will consent
to accept second place on the ticket
with him in 190s.-Charleston News and
Courier.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-04-16
GYM, GETTY.

There is not a doubt but that State
Senator James f. Getty Of Kansas City,
Kan, who is a candidate for the Uni
ted States senate is a gentleman un-
afraid and feminist the boodlers, but
to win he must be able to prove by
tangible evidence that Jim Getty Is
equal to "A Getter. Manhattan Ma
tionalist.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-04-16

Five years Imprisonment for steaI-
ing 9 cents was the sentence imposed
recently upon two men at Binghamton.
Problem: Find the proportionate sen
tence for stealing a milIion.-New York
American.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-04-16
CANES IN MISSISSIPPI

Tine MISSISSIPPI IegIsIaJuIe Has COZ
sidered a bill to abolish bridge whist.
euchre and other card games, and now
2. lawmaker proposes to lega1ize lynch
ing. The Mississippi taste for amuse-
ments is evidently peeuliar.-Pittsburg
Dispatch.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-04-16
LONESOME.

Attorney Cromwell says that he has
more money than he needs To be II
a class all by oneself like that must
be onesome.-Philadelph Ledger.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-04-16

+ stin, the man with the muck rake is
no worse than the man with the white
wash brush. although his Job is more
disagreea Bile
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-04-16

Don't be too sure about the wheat
crop. There have been years when It
has been both ruined and saved by al
ternate drouths and rains not less than
three times after the middle of April
Kingn1an Leader.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-04-16

If the railroads insist on defeating
rate regulation or If they sidetrack it
in some manner, they may discover in
e year or two that they are living close
to a political Vesuvius. and that the
old mountain is becomfng- active.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-04-16

There is a man in this town who has
the kicking habit so highly developed
that II he we're a centipede he wouldn't
be able to accommodate his desires in
that direction.-Washin Register.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-04-16

II Secretary Shaw is in the business
OF loaning the nations gold to people
who are liable to go broke" there
are others besides the National city
bank that would be pleased to hear
from him.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-04-16

d. r. Anthony rises at this point
to ask this question in ancient history:
why was the Creech boom? Perhaps
some Of the enterprising newspaper
correspondents who were responsible
for it can answer
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-04-16

Fred Trigg suggests that somebody
propose to Vesuvius that the trouble
be arbitrated. But who will convey
the message to vesuvius?
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-04-16
THERE ARE OTHERS.

While he'll may be the insane asylum
of the universe. as Evangelist Torrey
contends, 1t is by no means certain that
all the promising cases have been col
lected there.-Dayton News.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-04-16

South Carolinans are reported to be
moving heaven and earth to save the
state dispensary. Seem to have over
looked a really interested ally under
the earth!-New York Herald.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-04-16

Strangely enough. the kaiser has re-
ceived no silver wedding present from
the eminent globe trotter, William Jen-
nings Bryan.-New York Mail.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-04-16

Spea king of trouble. Topeka people
are not very fearful of the war of the
telephones that is threatening to break
out here.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-04-16
RRYAN nor NEEDED.

There is really no particular need Of
Mr.. Bryan hurrying home at this time,
for in the great national rag chewing
contest his party seems to be easily
holding his washington Post.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-04-16

Mr.. ]. A. Dowie's theory seems to be
that it Is best to forgive your enemies
only after you ind that you cannot lick
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-04-16

Isn't it about time for Peacemakei
Roosevelt to intervene in the Dowie-
voliva war?
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-04-16
PAST THAT,

Owing to recent investIgations there
is no longer much disposition to meas
ure a mans success in life by the sal
airy he is receiving w ashington Star.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-04-16
LOTS OF ,EM.

crippled. Many others over the state
are still ncapped.-Marion Record.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-04-16

out in Iowa they have eight differ
ent kinds of Republicans, but they are
all after the same kind of iobs.-Wash-
ington Post.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-04-16
on COTTRSE

If John D. Rockefeller has dropped
81. 00o, 600 by the slump in Chicago trac-
ton stock. the price of petroleum prod
ucts is likely to go up in that city
Boston Transcript
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-04-16
INDICATING JOSH.

Poor Josh Billings! He died without
knowing what a vindicator he would
have in Andrew Carnegie.-Los An
geles Express.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-04-16
Rules for Raising China Asters.

Much difficulty is often experienced
by amateurs in growing China asters
successfully. Sometimes this is due
to a fungus which attacks the plants
Whenthey are beginning to bud. More
frequently, however, failure is due to
inexperience on the part of the gar
dener.
1t should be born IN mind by the
planter that the China aster. being an
annual must not be retarded in its
growth from the seeding stage to ma
turity. Young plants are often shock
ed by want of water, lack of nourish-
ment in the soil, being planted too
| thickly, or having been. when planted
sickly, stunted plants without vitality.
In buying plants from florist, only
green color should be chosen. yellow
| looking ones are starved and will never
recover.
The plants should be set out in a well
prepared bed. They should be about
one foot apart each way. They do
not require any excessively rich soil
If it is Of a clayey nature very little
artificial fertilizer is necessary. On
sandy soils, heavy coat of well rotted
manure, two years old. covering the
very essential. Such soils, unless en-
riched every year, will not be very pro-
ductive.
Gardeners who prefer to grow their
own aster plants from seed can do so
by sowing the seed in open ground in
trenches about one and half inches
deep and one foot apart. AS soon as
the soil has lost its soggy condition in
the early spring, prepare the trenches
digging deeply. breaking up large
Jumps and the surface raked evenly.
The bed must be kept moist until the
seedlings appear. and when they are
three or four inches high they should
be thinned out one half.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-04-16
GO TEI.I. BTIRRANK.

Judge John B. Peach Is af+eT the
probate judge plum in Republic county.
-Leavenworth Times.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-04-16
vac COUNTY, Of tI1e COW Pnncher.

On all sides of the little town lay
the glorious sweep of untamed country.
To find another railroad to the north
ward was to ride a hundred and fifty
miles to the Canadian Pacific. On the
edge of the town a freighter's outfit
was making ready to pull out four days
to a camp near the Little Rockies. Ten
horses led the string of laden wagons,
behind which trailed the covered chuck
wagon equipped for sleeping and
cooking. for there were no hotels on
this route
The boss and his two helpers were
wrestling with a broncho which, until
this Inflated day had never felt a
harness across his back. He was need
ed as an off-wheeler. and he had to 90.
He fought like a hero possessed of sew
en- devils, and three men toiled for an
hour to get him into the traces and to
keep clear from his Internally active
heels.
At length. his nine comrades jumped
into their collars and the rebel simply
had to go with them. He lay down
and was dragged on his ear until his
added wits perceived there was moth
ing in this sort of mutiny. He rose
and slid stiff-legged until, outnum-
bered. outvoted and outgen eraled, he
surged into the collar like a thunder
bolt and thereafter tried to pull the
whole load, In the vain hope of tearing
something out by the roots.
The long string of horses and wag-
ons wound out into the open country,
and in a little while dipped across a
grassy undulatiOn and was gone. A
swirl Of dust marked its progress for
several miles. this plodding caravan.
with its tanned and bearded men, un-
lettered and slow of speech, used to
living out under the sky, seeing few
of their kind. 1t was thus the pioneers
crossed the plains a half century ago.
Ralph D. Paine in 1.-The Builders in
The Outing Magazine for April.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-04-16
Quite Realistic.

The youngsters had been consigned
to the nursery, and strict injunctions
had been laid upon them to play a
nice quiet game" In a few moments,
however. sounds as of a thunderstorm.
with dash of boiler factory. issued
from the room. and mother rushed up.
Mercy on us, children." she exclaim-
ed. whatever are you doing? You
must not make such a terrible noise. "
But, mamma" exclaimed one of the
darlings. I'VE are only playing theater.'
ssTheater?''
Eyes, this scene is the storm at sea,
and all of US except Tommy are ship
wrecked people calling for help
Mammals attention was then directed
to Tommy, who crouched in a corner
emitting doleful howls.
And what is Tommy doing2" she
asked.
Tommy IS the scenery.
THE scenery ?"
Eyes. he is the ocean sFrieling in the
teeth of the storm. Answers
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-04-16

Mary makes good hash. does1't she!
And she hasn't any receipt, either"
What does she make it out Of2''
"Out of her own head. ''-Cleveland
Plain Dealer.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-04-16

Mr.. Cadd-No, indeed. never associate
with my interiors; do you?
Miss Pepprey-Really. 1 can't say.
don't think ever met any Of your infer
iors.-Catholic Standard and Times.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-04-16

rs this a fast color2'' asked the man
who wanted three pairs of socks for a
quarter.
Sir replied the salesperson, blandly,
that color IS so fast that if it should
start to run it would inevitably be arrest
ed for exceeding the speed limit Puck
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-04-16

Aunt Priscilla-Now, Tommy, never try to
deceive anyone. You wouldn't like to be
tWo-faced, would yOu2
Tonlmy-Csra cious netOne face is enough
to wash these cold mornings Chicago
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-04-16

Elderly Man Greeting former acQuaint-
ANGEL remember your face perfectly
miss. but your name has escaped me.
Young Woman-I don't wonder It es-
capped me three years ago I am married
noW.-Chicago Tribune.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-04-16

why, young man. said the stern par
emit, you certainly don't think I would
be foolish enough to let u penniless youth
ike you marry my daughter, do yOu2"
Well it's up to you" rejoined the poor
but nervy yOungster. It's d cinch that
no rich young man would marry a girl as
homely as she is.'-Chicago News.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-04-16

Il see that the natal bed and spring
combine have advanced prices 10 per
cent"
These combines are after US, sleeping
or waking. Cleveland Plain Dealer.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-04-16

In early times the leading statesmen
were those who split rails
But we have none save wire fences to-
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-04-16

Doctor-NoH, Giles, can you tell me ex-
actly where you feel the pain?
Giles-Wells sir. it's a hypercriterly sort
of pain. l puts me finger on it and it
amt there, an when 1 touches where it $
gone to, it's in the old place all the time.
Punch.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-04-16

do you think that a strike will make
coal more expensive2' asked one house
holder.
Il don't know whether a strike will do
il" answered the other But something
will. '-Washington Star
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-04-16

Aren't you ambitious to achieve
fame2''
mot at ALL answered Mr.. Cumrox.
Fame is merely an invitation to the en-
tire public to gossip about ou.'-Wash-
ington Star.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-04-16

FULL LEASED WTRF REPORT
OF THE ASSOCIATED PRESS
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-04-16

wife-The doctor prescribes a European
trip.
Husband-Inpossible my dear; people
would think I was being investigated
New York Sun.