davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Virginia enterprise. [volume] (Virginia, St. Louis County, Minn.) 1893-19??, 1906-02-02
ME- AND
LAWSON !
~ &,g:a &f aA&Tge & -
By RICHARD WEBB
Illustrated bysw W. Denslow
and M. Aleshire.
IN SIX SECTIONS
1905, by &. W. Dillingham; Coz
SECTION II.
Scrambled Oil.

Scrambled Oil.
The first day l wore the Lawson col.
lar l put a patent leather shine on the
Tonneau of me Pants setting outside
of his private Scheming Vault. looking
wise.
must have made a hit with him
from the jump, because he kept me
sticking: plaster close all the time.
did M best to catch his pitching and
railroad the guys he didn't want to
mouth-organ with.
There were a couple of Roof-garden
RoDbies in his Office Chorus what I
called the White-spat Sisters, because
they dressed in tandem and rushed the
same Acterine. The word Leaksky was
printed all over their Face Plates and
I put 'em on the Slippery Elm Card
from the start.
1t wasn't long before I caught them
pulling the, bung out of the Boss's Sc
cret-keg, and it was Me to the Pinker-
ton solo.
| swan into the Boss, just as he was
having a careless picture of Himself
took for the magazine, and after
breathing heavy through both barrels
The Virginia enterprise. [volume] (Virginia, St. Louis County, Minn.) 1893-19??, 1906-02-02

"OH, GOODY! NOW CAN HAVE ALL
THE CUP CUSTARDS."
when it gets dark be sure you find 4
dry place to sleep. Good-by."
"She never even kissed me-"
thought Ralph. %dSlefully.
Better take along some of these
apples, my boy" called grandfather
from the orchard. You'll get hungry
by and by"
"Ralph's going to run away!!" cried
his sister Amy. "Oh, goody! Now l
can have all the cup custards."
Amy is really glad I'm going"
thought Ralph, slamming the gate,
and nobody seems to care much"
Running away did not seem such a
grand frolic after all.
Just at dusk, a tired little fellow
crept softly through the hedge OF
lilacs, around the grapevine to the
piazza, and made a wild rush for
mothers arms.
II couldn't find a good place to
sleep, MOTHER" he sobbed. There
wasn't any fun; folks were cross that
lived where there were lawn swings
and croquet balls, and nobody wanted
me at all. NJ there's. cross dogs and
plicemen and everything! I'll bring
in wood and run errands all day to.
morrow, mother. Amy can have the
cup custards if she wants 'em, but
please. grandmother. I'd like another
dcughnut."-The Sunbeam.
The Virginia enterprise. [volume] (Virginia, St. Louis County, Minn.) 1893-19??, 1906-02-02
Ungenerous Question.

The first slice of goose had been cut
ard the minister of the Zion church
looked at it with as Keen anticipation
as was displayed in the faces around
him. II
Oats as fine a goose as 1 ever saw.
Brudder Williams" he said to his host.
Where did you get such a fine one?"
"Well, now, Mistah Rawley," said the
carver of the goose, with q sudden &C.
cess of dignity, when you preach a
special good sermon, 1 neber axes you
where you got it.. Seems to me dat's 4
trivial matter, anyway."-Youth's Com.
panion.
The Virginia enterprise. [volume] (Virginia, St. Louis County, Minn.) 1893-19??, 1906-02-02
RUNAWAY RALPH,
One Day Was as Much as He Could
Stand and Then He Was Glad
to Get Back.

Il won't stay here another minute
so there!' pouted little Ralph Per.
kins. There's always something hor.
rid to do next. In the morning.
must get up it I'm ever so sleepy,
comb my hair, and bother with shoe.
strings and neckties that are most
sure to get into knots. It's just the
same all day; if grandfather doesn't
ask me to do an errand, mother is sure
to want the chickens fed, or a basket
of apples, or some wood, or some.
thing! I'll go where a boy can have
a little fun, and 1 guess every one will
miss me-"
So, filling his pockets with ginger
cookies and some doughnuts that
grandmother was frying, he said:
"Good-by, grandmother; I'm going
away to find a real jolly place. I'm
tired of living on a stupid old farm"
"Good.by, dearie," smiled grand.
mother. Come back to Thanksgiv-
ing dinner and eat some of my pump
kin pie and turkey"
"Why-ee!" thought Ralph; "grand-
mother doesn't care at all; but | guess
my mother will be sorry that she
made me work so hard"
Mother looked surprised when the
eager little boy told his story.
Every well, Ralph" she said, as she
kept on sewing; "Only look out for
snakes and spiders and cross dogs;
The Virginia enterprise. [volume] (Virginia, St. Louis County, Minn.) 1893-19??, 1906-02-02
The next night It vas Humpty "a

The next night It wal Humpty to
the Pullman a:s5 ~ aya9 NJ sSs
I had I catechism Of . time seeing
Mister Rogers, but about 8 in the
afternoon I was squirted into his office
by q Morgus-face Nut what must have
had Paris-green Prunes for lunch.
Bleeding Biscuits! but Rogers has
got q great Face on him., It makes me
swallow hard when I think of it in the
dark. I, onct saw a oil picture of q
white battleship shooting at a black
torpedo boat in a night storm. That's
Him, all right.
He took. me letter and told me to sit
down.
He looked at the bottom of it, then
at me. He read about half of it and
slipped a Naughty Grin like a business
man telling his wife she don't under
stand Politics. Then he ct up the rest
of it; and, Great Bumps! I could just
see the sailors inside. of him. bringing
up shot for the guns.
was getting set to soak him in the
watch chain with me head if he come
for me when the door: opened and in
comes the Original Human Church.
His Steeples was as bald as a Fly's
Heaven. If I was q mosquito I'd be
ashamed to take the money. Rogers
give a swift, private-code look into the
Cathedral Windows, and sed:
"Mistetr ROCKEFELLER, read THAI
Curish Dastard's latest insult"
His Steeples took me letter cool as
a prayer book and read it through
twict without a Bark. Next he takes
off his glasses, as slow as if it was
Sunday Afternoon and forty miles
from church. Then he looks up, slow
ly opens his Talk Factory. and SEE:
mister Rogers, won't you kindly
step into the mex room?"
They went out, looking like a
Marble Monument and a Sea Serpent
going to drown their Mother-in-laws,
and closed the door behind them, but
the wall was only dinky glass and I
could hear them fine as a phono-
graph.
Rogers touched off his cannon
first, and SEE:
Il have kept Mum as long as l am
going to-. That Brass-beaked vulture
has reviled me till Every String in
me Harp Kisses with Hellish Pains.
The time has come to go after him
with all our guns. The public are
amazed at our T%abbycat Silence and
think us prison-guilty of the charge.
AS evidence, consider those doings
in Kansas and the bunch of search
me Investigations recently ordered.
THAT stuff of Donohue's won't melt
the peoples ear-wax. Nothing short
OF a Real Thing Reply, hot from my
own Personal Gas Range, will satisfy
them, and stem the dirty tide which
this Boston Boaster has started
humping. I'll admit that Ice House
Silence is dignitied, but when it is
had at the price of public confidence
it is too much of a Luxury. for me
palate. You must release me from
my promise not to talk"
He spelled like a actor and
marked down in me nut every fat
word he sed, so l could hand it to the
Boss right.
(TO BE CONTINUED.)
Copyright, 1905, by G.. ". Dillingham; CO..
The Virginia enterprise. [volume] (Virginia, St. Louis County, Minn.) 1893-19??, 1906-02-02

tressing I dreaded their approach.
This was my condition for four years.
Doan's Kidney Pills helped me right
away when I began with them and
three boxes cured me permanently"
Sold by all dealers. so cents a box.
Foster-Milburn Co., Buffalo, N. Y.
The Virginia enterprise. [volume] (Virginia, St. Louis County, Minn.) 1893-19??, 1906-02-02
q, Only Important Question.

Two men were disputing over their
respective churches. Finally one called
a neighbor who was passing and asked
his opinion as to which was the onlv
church in which to be saved. well"
said he, my son and I have hauled
wheat to the same mill nigh on to 40
years. Now, there are two roads that
lead from our place to the mill-one's
the valley road, t'other takes over the
hill. And never yet, friends, has the
miller asked me which road 1 took.
but he always asks: is your wheat
good?'" o. SF a ~
The Virginia enterprise. [volume] (Virginia, St. Louis County, Minn.) 1893-19??, 1906-02-02
Didn't Look. Like Plav,

whats happened, my boy? Your
face is all Scratched said the father.
,"Oh. l just been playing with, that
little boy next door," replied the son,
with his hand to his face. ..": .
= "W'ell, the little lboy ns:lt door evil
IDENTIFY wasn't playing with you:"-
Yonhfrs statesman.
The Virginia enterprise. [volume] (Virginia, St. Louis County, Minn.) 1893-19??, 1906-02-02
And No Results!

"The Daily Whooper is a great ad-
vertising medium"
"G'wan. It's no good at all. | out
a want ad. in the other day, and didn't
get q single reply"
what was your ADJ"
Poor young man wishes to meet
a beautiful girl of some means who
is willing to do her own housework.' i"
-Cleyeland Leader.
The Virginia enterprise. [volume] (Virginia, St. Louis County, Minn.) 1893-19??, 1906-02-02
LEARNING.

Ply away, dearie, ply away:
The little black notes some day,
Will answer what you please
To your fingers on the keys.
When you ask them what they've got to
say. .
Dear little clumsy fingers now;
Dear puzzled eyes, SO slow!
But fingers learn to race,
Never missing one it's place,
And eyes to eat up notes by the row.
Ply away, dearie, ply away, .
A little bit better each day.
That's how people train
Fingers, eyes and brain
A trained Wills nod to obey.
e. s. Martin, in st. Nicholas.
The Virginia enterprise. [volume] (Virginia, St. Louis County, Minn.) 1893-19??, 1906-02-02

suffering so with
sharp pains in the
small of the back
and had such fire.
quent dizzy spells
that l could scarcely
get about the house.
The urinary pass
ages were also quite
irregular. Monthly
The Virginia enterprise. [volume] (Virginia, St. Louis County, Minn.) 1893-19??, 1906-02-02

of me smeller, like a fly cop, l sed,
fussing me face in the place where the
Bla6k Moustache ought to be:
mister Lawson, you need a Word
Plumber. There's 4 Leak in your
catch basin. Give me the go-ahead
bell and I'll put you WISE"
Then I told him the whole story.
He give his cigar a couple OF mad
dog bites and then he takes me by the
shoulders and SEE, swift but kind as a
missionary:
"Humpty, you're a good boy. BY
CAD, you're worth any two men l
know. You can play Croquet in my
Cemetery Lot any time you want to-
Then he hands me a Ten Spot, right
Off the roll in his overalls, and tells
me to come back in three hours.
went out on the street looking for
a Bank to do me Private Business
with, and swelled up so Mud-rich that
couldn't feel the sidewalk, nor tell
the Apple Woman from Little Eva.
was Johnny-on-the-spot when the
three hours had went down into the
cellar of the clock to take a Rip Van
Wrinkle, but the Boss was at the home
plate with the bat in Ills mits when !
sailed in.
He looked Absent Bug for a minute.
like a travelling man wondering if he
can trust the chambermaid with the
watch he left under his pillow, and
sed:
"Humpty, they say it's wrong to
send a boy on a mans erra2d, but
don't know a man I can trust, so here
goes. | want you to go over to New
York tomorrow night and take a let
ter to Mister Rogers. The job must
be done. Secretly. If anyone should
get wise to your trip, or if you fall
down on any part of me instructions,
it will hurt me mor than l can make
you understand. You must deliver the
letter to the Main Squeeze himself,
and talk to no n but him. Do you
think you can do it,"
Sure as Roosevelt" SEE l, fire
away"
o to be next to the contents of the
letter, so listen Hard:
II think it would be worth a lot of
money to Mister Rogers to have me
Stop doing something that I'm doing,
and am sure we can Both make more
money by playing the Game together.
1 will write the letter so to make him
Wise to this fact and all you have to
do is bring back his answer. It will
be Yes or No. and if it's Yes he will
tell you a day, hour, and place where
WI can meet. If he should WEIGH on
Me and print the letter you must be
ready to tell the Boston newspaper re-
porters that a man what I will tell
you how to describe come to YOUR
house at 10 o'clock at night, give
you the letter and instructions. and
told you l would phone you at the I'M
perial hotel in New York at 9 in the
morning, which, of course. I won't do"
inhaled all that the Boss handed
me and blew out of me Cigarette Chin:
ney what was Chop Suey to me Rea-
son Works. "
The Virginia enterprise. [volume] (Virginia, St. Louis County, Minn.) 1893-19??, 1906-02-02
EgotisIn.

After asking a blessing on various
members OF the household the small
boy concluded his prayer as. follows:
And Lord. don't forget to bless Bro
Their Charlie and make him as good
how as l am" ....e- 49,: , .|,+E.. >.
The Virginia enterprise. [volume] (Virginia, St. Louis County, Minn.) 1893-19??, 1906-02-02

titions arranged around the inner
edge.
In the tray are four pellets, or very
small marbles. and the puzzle is to
work enc marble into each compart-
ment.
1t looks simple and easy, but try it
and see what skillful handling is neces.
sary TO do it, says Good Literature.
You could apuse a .roomfu. OF people
an entire evening with it.
An ingenious boy cali make the 10,
paratns. A wooden tray may be had
at a honse-furnishing store, and the
partitions easily glued in place.
The Virginia enterprise. [volume] (Virginia, St. Louis County, Minn.) 1893-19??, 1906-02-02

AAoo ~ ASOA i y 90 POooiUlC.
The candle socket can be made from
Fig. 2, and for the sconce under it an
eight-eared star may be cut to meas
ure two inches in diameter as shown
in Fig. 3.
One of these brackets with candles
will be useful at either side of a mir
ror or bureau. When making any OBJ
ject with scrolls or an open pattern
such as this" light bent iron work it
is always best to marx out the design
on a piece of smooth, heavy paper with
q black lead pencil. Over the lines it
will lie much easier to bend and fit the
scrolls than to guess at the proper
shape ard size, for the drawn line is
a perfect guide to the completed work.
The Virginia enterprise. [volume] (Virginia, St. Louis County, Minn.) 1893-19??, 1906-02-02
TRAY AND PELLETS.
. Game Which Will Test Your
Nerves and Your Patience
Make One and Try It.

The accompanying picture almost
explains itself. 1t is a round. wooden
tray, with a rim about half an inch
in height. and four pairs of raised par
The Virginia enterprise. [volume] (Virginia, St. Louis County, Minn.) 1893-19??, 1906-02-02

An Atchison girl who works down town
for three dollars a week bought a Christ
mas present for her young man that cost
six dollars-a hair brush. And that il
love, too.-Atchison Globe.
The Virginia enterprise. [volume] (Virginia, St. Louis County, Minn.) 1893-19??, 1906-02-02

To Cure a Cold in One Day
Take LAXATIVE BRoMo Quinine Tablets.
Druggists refund money if it fails to cure.
w. GROVES signature is on each box. csc
The Virginia enterprise. [volume] (Virginia, St. Louis County, Minn.) 1893-19??, 1906-02-02

Piso's Cure cannot be too highly spoken Of
4 e ef NJ: M faas;pj wi Min n.ae Ja,a ST. 6: t 1915!
The Virginia enterprise. [volume] (Virginia, St. Louis County, Minn.) 1893-19??, 1906-02-02

It il rather difficult to have respect fol
Z law when W. can nave none for the
men who made it.
The Virginia enterprise. [volume] (Virginia, St. Louis County, Minn.) 1893-19??, 1906-02-02

be made
o some strips
Of thin iron or
brass, and a few
bits of wire, pieces
Of stick and some
black paint? Per-
haps it may e
difficult to make
the objects shown
in t h e illustra-
lions, but in real
lty they are very
simple, and quite
within the ability
OF any boy or
girl. The mate
rails needed are
S o m e n arrO "
strips Of metal, a
few yards OF thin
copper wire, a fiat
The Virginia enterprise. [volume] (Virginia, St. Louis County, Minn.) 1893-19??, 1906-02-02
suggested by the Pitts

b urg Gazette, is
shown in the il
l%ustration. r b e
plan can be laid
out to measure II
inches high and
four inches wide
near the top, and
t h e scroll-w O rk
should be attached
to a stick a quar-
ter of an inch
square that in
turn may be fas-
tened to a door or
W i n d O w casing.
The best instruc-
ton is to study
the drawing and
make the plan
The Virginia enterprise. [volume] (Virginia, St. Louis County, Minn.) 1893-19??, 1906-02-02
No Excuse for He1

Mrs. Braggs-I wish you wouldn't be 50
positive. There are two sides to every
question.
Mr.. Braggs-Well, that's no reason why
you should always Is on the wrong sidc!
Stray Stories.
The Virginia enterprise. [volume] (Virginia, St. Louis County, Minn.) 1893-19??, 1906-02-02

and {. round-nosed pair of pliers and
some thin square sticks about the size
that screens run on wnen fastened IN
side the casing of windows. Many of
the scrolls can be bent with the fin
gers, but the short turns will require
the aid of the rOund-nosed pliers.
There are places in every city where
the narrow strip iron can be had in
two or three widths, but if it cannot
be had at a hardware store the strips
can be cut any width from a sheet OF
iron or tin with a pair of tin shears.
Where the scrolls touch each other
the union is to be made with copper
wire bound round and the ends twist
ed together, as shown in Fig. 1. Where
a stick is used, as in the back brace
for The candle bracket, each part of the
metal that touches it has to be fas-
tened also with the wire.
When all work is completed the
parts should be coated with two thin
applications of black paint made by
adding dry lampblack to thin shellac
so it is about the consistency of cream.
1t nay then be applied with a soft
hair brush, and if it becomes too thick
1t can be thinned with alcohol. Only
make a little of the black at one time,
unless it is kept well-corked in a
bottle.
A simple and pretty pattern for a
candle bracket. suggested nv the Pitts
The Virginia enterprise. [volume] (Virginia, St. Louis County, Minn.) 1893-19??, 1906-02-02
AN EVERYDAY STRUGGLE.
Too Many Women Garry the Heavy Load
of Kidney Sickness.

Mrs, E. w. Wright of 17o Main Street,
Haverhill, Mass, saws: "In 1898 I WAS
The Virginia enterprise. [volume] (Virginia, St. Louis County, Minn.) 1893-19??, 1906-02-02
JUST AS He DICTATED II.
Production Of = stenographer Who
0beyed Orders to the
Letter.


"what I want you to do" said the
man who had engaged the new stenog-
rapher, is to transeribe my letters ex,
any of these stilted forms in my CORE
spondence. What I believe in doing is
putting; my own personality in my cor
r~espondence." ny"
Eyes, sir" said the new stenographer,
meekly. And this. writes c.. W. Taylor,
in the Chicago Tribune, is the letter that
Went forward to a new customer of the
firm that afternoon:
MIR. John B.-what the dickens is the
name of that fellow down at Bingville-
O., Smith. who was that man at Bing-
vile that asked for prices?-What?-
Skldmore?- Sounds like Skiddoo All
rlgnt-Let me see; where was I?-John
3: Skidmore, Bingville, Tex. Dear Sir
Wait a minute. Better jolly him along
a little. My Dear Mr.. Skidmore-Reply.
ing to your valued letter of the-what
date was his letter? Where is his letter.
anyhow? Here it is. Writes like a hen
walking across a barnyard. Can't make
out the date. Looks like 44th. Well.
just say, replying to your valued favor
OF recent date, we take pleasure in saw
ing that we can quote you the followinp
prices:-Say, Smith, what will this duff.
fer stand for? Oh, give it to him harder
than that. He lives in Bingville. If
lived in Bingvillc. I'd thank anyone for
soaking me so hard I'd have to leave town,
In car lots, $50 a ton. There, that's about
40 per cent. higher than we'd charge any.
one else. Now, finish it up with Await.
ing your further requests, we beg to re.
main yours sincerely"
The Virginia enterprise. [volume] (Virginia, St. Louis County, Minn.) 1893-19??, 1906-02-02

Criticism, like charity, should begin at
home.
The Virginia enterprise. [volume] (Virginia, St. Louis County, Minn.) 1893-19??, 1906-02-02
BENT IRON
Artistic Work Which Any Boy Can
Do-How to Make the Pat
tern Shown.

Did it ever occur to you that a
number of pretty and useful thinoe
The Virginia enterprise. [volume] (Virginia, St. Louis County, Minn.) 1893-19??, 1906-02-02
A Guaranteed Cure for Piles.

Itching, Blind, Bleeding, Protruding Piles.
Druggists are authorized to refund money il
PAzoO fails to cur in6to14days. soc
The Butler weekly times. (Butler, Mo.) 1881-1918, 1906-10-04
The American Royal
Liv e Stock Show.

Ksns as City will be the Mecce OF
the farmers and stockmen OF the
Southwest during week Of October
9Th to 18th, when the American
Royal Live Stock Show will be In
progress there. The show this year
will be larger In every department
and much more attractive than ever
before. The entries OF purebred stock
aggregate 1926 cattle, $50 horses,
600 hogs and 100 Angora goats.
The horse department will contain
the leading prize winners Of this
years principal European shows, in
Guiding q string OF Shires from the
sta les Of King Edward and Lord
Rot hschild; and the celebrated six
horse show teams OF Armour and
Swift. Low rates with liberal return
limit have been made by all rail.
roads.
The Butler weekly times. (Butler, Mo.) 1881-1918, 1906-10-04
Amsterdam Items.
From ths Enterprise.

rToh tne enterprise.
A freight was wrecked just north
OF Amoret, on Wednesday about
noon, by spreading rails and the
engine and nine cars we're ditched.
No one was injured bu t traffic was
delayed for several hours.
Won Coffin, living just north OF
Amoret, came near losing his left
eye last night while watching the
wreckers at work by a cable break.
ing throwing piece Of the cable In
to his eye. It seems almost impos.
sible that the eye was not torn out
entirely from the socket as q piece
taken out by DR.. Amyx weighed Ito
grains. The piece struck the eye
and In some mysterious manner
lodged just under the upper lid with.
out injuring the sight. Several little
threads from the cable were also
taken out.
The Butler weekly times. (Butler, Mo.) 1881-1918, 1906-10-04
SUFFERED FOR YEARS COMPLICATION %a or PELVIC DISEASES
Robust Women Who Owe Their Restored Health and
Usefulness to Pe-ru-na.
Read the Letters of Graft
tude From Women Who
Have Been Benefited
BY DR.. Hartman'S
Advice.
A Multitude of Such Letters
Are Received Every Year.
A TYPICAL LETTER.

Mrs. Carry Peduzzi, Linstad, N. Oak,
writes:
al take pleasure In telling you that
through your wonderful medicine
am entirely cured of cafarh of the
stomach and pelvic organs.
al was so rundown on account of my
illness that l could no longer attend to
my homework. I could not eat or
sleep and had terrible pain in my back.
81 took Peruna and in Ave months /
was we'll. have not felt SO well for a
long time.
81 wish everyone who is sick would
take Peruns and thus recover their
health.
81 have Peruna In the house con-
tinually. thank you for all that you
have done for me-"
A Medicine Of Merit.
Miss Katie A. Washer, 1905 Prentice
street, Louisville, KY, writes:
GAS my experience has been 50
favorable from the use of Peruna,
unhesifafingIy state that believe thai
II Is q medicine of unquesfioned merit
for all the Ills that we women suffer
from.
81 find that 1t strengthens and in
fuses new life into the system, and
whenever feel rundown or over-tired,
few doses of Peruna will strengthen
me again."
Found a Friend In Need-Pe-ru-na.
Mrs. Florence Aitkens, 1lO4 Front St.,
Toledo, Ohio, writes:
"Peruna cured me of cafarrh of the
uterus. If0ok about four bottles when
noticed an Improvement and five
bottles cured me.
81 do not know what would have
been like to-day had I not obtained
Peruna, for was in a terrible state.
al had pains all over and was cross
and irritable. Twas losing hope of ever
being well again.
81 am to-day well woman after suf-
fering for nine months. / cannot tell
you how happy I feel, but you will
know.
"Peruna Is the best medicine on earth.
"My husband is now taking 1t and |
will always keep Peruna in my house.
"Peruna is the best friend ever had.
1t cured me-"