davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Montpelier examiner. [volume] (Montpelier, Idaho) 1895-1937, 1906-03-16

of the room. "I'm pleased to meet ye
all this evenin'. Perhaps We all know
Battersleigh, and hope YEN all meet
me friend Captain Franklin, at me
side. We claim the introduction of
this roof, me good friends, and we well
come everybody to the first dance at
Ellisville. Ladies, yer very dutiful
servant! It's well we're lookin', Mrs.
McDermott; and Nora. gyurl. sure
ye're charmin' the night. Kittie, darl-
in, how do We do? Do We remember
Captain Franklin, all of We? Pipe
up, We naygurs-that's right. Now,
thin, all hands, choose yer partners
fer the grand march, sure, with
Jerry's permission. Thank We, Mrs.
McDermott, and me arm-so."
The sheepish figures of the must
clans now leaned together for mo-
ment. The violins walled in sad
search for the accord, the assistant in
strument less tentative. All at once
the slack shoulders Strengthened up
firmly, confidently, and then, their feet
beating in unison upon the floor, their
faces set, stern and relentless, the
three musicians fell to the work and
reeled off the opening bars.
A sigh went up from the assembly
There was general shuffling of shoes
a wide rustling of calico. Then, slow
ly, as though going to his doom, Curly
arose from out the long line of the un
happy upon his side of the room. He
crossed the intervening space. his
limbs below the knees curiously af
fected, jerking his feet into half time
with. the tune. He bowed so low be
fore the littlest waiter girl that hi!
neck scarf fell forward from his ches
and hung before him like a shield
May hev the honor, Miss Kitty" h,
choked out; and as the littlest waite
girl rose and took his arm with vas
air of unconcern, Curly drew a loni
breath.
In his seat Sam writhed, but coul
not rise. Nora looked straight il
front. 1t was Hank Peterson, VIII
led her forth. and who, after the OF
casion was over, wished he had no
Montpelier examiner. [volume] (Montpelier, Idaho) 1895-1937, 1906-03-16

However, there is a man in Pitts
burg who has lived there for more
than twenty-five years without getting
his name into the scandal department
of the newspapers.
Montpelier examiner. [volume] (Montpelier, Idaho) 1895-1937, 1906-03-16

That man who made two desperate
attempts to end his weary life because
his wife and seven children were eter.
nally singing at him the song, Every.
body Works but Father" is deserving
of sympathy. Irony is a terrible
weapon in the hands Of the unskilful.
Montpelier examiner. [volume] (Montpelier, Idaho) 1895-1937, 1906-03-16

1t is difficult to figure out why those
two Chicago business men would not
commit suicide until their lawyers
were at hand. Did they want to make
st. Peter believe they did 1t by ad-
vice of counsel?
Montpelier examiner. [volume] (Montpelier, Idaho) 1895-1937, 1906-03-16

Two gentlemen thieves" were ar.
rested in New York recently while
bowling themselves out of apartments
lin which they had been surprised. We
Judge from the account of their man.
euvers that a gentleman thief is a
sneak thief.
Montpelier examiner. [volume] (Montpelier, Idaho) 1895-1937, 1906-03-16

IF you get that tired feeling, eat a
pound of candy" says Prof. F. s. Lee.
who is arguing that candy is great
remedy for fatigue. Has Prof. Lee
mortgaged his genius to the candy
trust?
Montpelier examiner. [volume] (Montpelier, Idaho) 1895-1937, 1906-03-16

Twenty-four towels have been Or
dered for the use of the twenty-seven
members of the Maryland senate, and
it is suggested that apparently six of
the senators are paired.
Montpelier examiner. [volume] (Montpelier, Idaho) 1895-1937, 1906-03-16

Ernest Fownes, an amateur British
humorist, was held at quarantine be-
cause he sprung one of his jokes on
the officials, and they thought him q
lunatic. Details of joke not given, but
1t ought to go in Punch.
Montpelier examiner. [volume] (Montpelier, Idaho) 1895-1937, 1906-03-16
Couldn't Forget His Pet Theme

S06i0n 49, sttS - '''~.''~'
Down in Virginia, says Thomas Mel
son Page, there was an old darby
preacher who had preached about in
FAINT baptism morning and night until
his congregation couldn't stand 1t any
longer. They told him to preach
something else or they'd have to find
some one who world. He promised.
and the next Sunday announced his
text, Adam, where art thou?"
dis, bredern, can be divided into
fouh heads" began the dominic.
First, every man is somewhat. Sec
ondly, most men am where they amt
got NO bus'ne to be. Thirdly, you'd
better look out or you'll be gitttn'
thee yourself. Fo'thly, infant bap-
tism. Now, bredern, / guess We
nights well pass by the fust three
heads and come immed't'ly to the
10th, infant baptism"
Montpelier examiner. [volume] (Montpelier, Idaho) 1895-1937, 1906-03-16

Turkey, having made unwarranted
arrests of Americans, has readily con-
sented to apologize. It is hardly nee
essary to add that no money payment
was demanded with the apology.
Montpelier examiner. [volume] (Montpelier, Idaho) 1895-1937, 1906-03-16

John L. Sullivan was knocked out
in one round in Cleveland, Ohio, but
it was by Judge, who wouldn't let
his boxing exhibition go on.
Montpelier examiner. [volume] (Montpelier, Idaho) 1895-1937, 1906-03-16

New York millionaires are going to
build theater devoted exclusively to
high art" II 1t is the kind of high art
most New York millionaires like they
should hire George Lederer to manage
1t for them.
Montpelier examiner. [volume] (Montpelier, Idaho) 1895-1937, 1906-03-16

When they have got little more
used to their wealth those Pittsburg
fellows won't worry about chorus
girls; they will be satisfied with no
body less than a principal.
Montpelier examiner. [volume] (Montpelier, Idaho) 1895-1937, 1906-03-16

Henry James compliments the
American people on taking care of
their teeth. It was believed that Hen
ry would eventually find some good
quality in us.
Montpelier examiner. [volume] (Montpelier, Idaho) 1895-1937, 1906-03-16

A New York professor finds that
man readily digests fish bones This
demonstrates the strongest defense
of the poor shad.
Montpelier examiner. [volume] (Montpelier, Idaho) 1895-1937, 1906-03-16

The thief who stole church bell
had constant ringing in his ears
which took the place of the still, small
voice OF conscience.
Montpelier examiner. [volume] (Montpelier, Idaho) 1895-1937, 1906-03-16

Now that New York physician has
told the women in public address
that they are smarter than men, it
seems useless to try to conceal it
longer.
Montpelier examiner. [volume] (Montpelier, Idaho) 1895-1937, 1906-03-16

If Anna Gould gets her divorce and
returns to this country, the bands that
meet her at the dock need not play
MY Boni lies over the ocean,"
Montpelier examiner. [volume] (Montpelier, Idaho) 1895-1937, 1906-03-16

Naturally Count Boni scorns a set
Element of $4,000 year. A mere life
insurance president gets more than
that.
Montpelier examiner. [volume] (Montpelier, Idaho) 1895-1937, 1906-03-16

New York parson says nine out
of ten fashionable women in that city
are too fond of the booze. The par
son should try to get into a different
social set before T. Is too late.
Montpelier examiner. [volume] (Montpelier, Idaho) 1895-1937, 1906-03-16

Japan's entrance upon the interna-
tional sphere of life is signified by her
appropriation of $S0,O00,000 to pro-
mote her war efficiency.
Montpelier examiner. [volume] (Montpelier, Idaho) 1895-1937, 1906-03-16

Something has been found to startle
Paris 1t is play by Sardou called
"Spiritualism," not the Castellane
scandal.
Montpelier examiner. [volume] (Montpelier, Idaho) 1895-1937, 1906-03-16

Can man live on water? asks a
contemporary. In this age of stock
watering extraordinary the question is
a strange one.
Montpelier examiner. [volume] (Montpelier, Idaho) 1895-1937, 1906-03-16

A Chicago professor says that cold
weather drives men to drink. And
when the good old summer time rolls
round again the hot weather furnishes
the excuse.
Montpelier examiner. [volume] (Montpelier, Idaho) 1895-1937, 1906-03-16

1t was appropriate that Anna Gould
should hire tutor to keep tab on
Boni's toots.
Montpelier examiner. [volume] (Montpelier, Idaho) 1895-1937, 1906-03-16

Boys to Play Socker," says the
headline. It has been the fathers Of
the boys up to now.
Montpelier examiner. [volume] (Montpelier, Idaho) 1895-1937, 1906-03-16

There is one good trait about all
brides. They are always willing to
stand up for their dressmakers.
Montpelier examiner. [volume] (Montpelier, Idaho) 1895-1937, 1906-03-16

According to Dun's the cost of living
dropped bit in January, but the gro
Gerry bill don't show it.
Montpelier examiner. [volume] (Montpelier, Idaho) 1895-1937, 1906-03-16
Toys for Cars Daughter.

The cars eldest daughter has one
of the finest collections Of penny toys
in the world, which have been sent
to her from Paris. London and Ber-
line.
Montpelier examiner. [volume] (Montpelier, Idaho) 1895-1937, 1906-03-16

Can q man live on water?" asks
somebody. Why, certainly. Many sail.
Crs do.
Montpelier examiner. [volume] (Montpelier, Idaho) 1895-1937, 1906-03-16
Commercial Museums.

The Russian government win es-
tablish permanent commercial Dnss.
urna In Paris
Montpelier examiner. [volume] (Montpelier, Idaho) 1895-1937, 1906-03-16

Distant View of Monastery.
ture must be given up; every tie of
affection that binds one to friends and
relatives must be broken. Even in
death one must be willing to be bur-
led like common pauper.
Surrounded by Forests.
From the little village of Partridge
Green one drives to this Carthusian
monastery through rather bare look
ing country, and finally reaches the
forest in which Is concealed the great
cluster of monastic buildings. These
number sixty, form hollow square.
and are so well hidden by surround
sag woods thet vou do not realize their
The Fulton County news. [volume] (McConnellsburg, Pa.) 1899-current, 1906-11-15
One of the Family.

"Are you the editor that takes in
society news?" inquired the caller,
an undersized man. with tired and
timid appealing look on his face.
Yes, sir" replied the young man
at the desk 81 can take in any kind
of news. What have you?"
why, it's this way" said the call
er, lowering his voice. my wife
gave a small party last night, ant :.
am willing to pay to have this report
of Che affair put in the paper"
I'VE don't charge anything for
publishing society news" observed
the young man at the desk, taking
the proffered manuscript and looking
it over
That's all right" was the reply.
You don't understand. / wrote this
up myself, and put in line or two
that says, Mr.. Halfstick assisted his
distinguished wife in receiving the
guests. That's the way want it to
go in, and don't care IL it costs a
dollar a word. / want my friends to
know, by George! that / still belong
TO the family:"-Harper's Weekly.
The Fulton County news. [volume] (McConnellsburg, Pa.) 1899-current, 1906-11-15

AT San Sebastian there is no such
thing as sensational bathing. Tights
and lace trimmed blouses-in the
water--are here unknown. Spanish
women of high degree are finished
coquettes, but they do not go in at
all for copying the ways of fashion,
able beauties.
The bathing dresses worn here are
very similar to those worn at the sea-
side places on the English coasts;
very pretty and suitable, but in no
respect sensational. Dark blue serge
trimmed with white braid or GRIM
son serge. In the mornings the sands
are crowded with bathers and their
friends, but no one dreams of taking
out opera glases, as at Trouville.
The whole atmosphere is different, in
fact.
The royal bathing box-drawn up
on rollers on the sands under the pal
ace gardens--is exceedingly pictur-
esque; 1t is built In the Moorish
style, with minarets on either side
and the dome in the middle surmoun-
ted by the royal crown in gold. The
whole thing is inlaid with blue and
white enamels, and when in use il Is
slowly rolled down to the sea. The
Queen Mother and also the young
Queen often use the royal box, but 1t
is so placed that they can bathe In
perfect privacy, though the "box" is
not enclosed.-London Chronicle.
The Fulton County news. [volume] (McConnellsburg, Pa.) 1899-current, 1906-11-15
Mexico's New Postomce.

The first of a superb group of Gov
ernment buildings, most of them al
ready under construction, has just
been finished in Mexico City. The new
postoffice building, the cornerstone
of which was laid on September IA.
1902, now awaits only the special
furniture ordered from the United
States to be complete.
Architecturally the new postoffice
is unexcelled by any building in the
country and as thing of real beauty
surpasses in the opinion of many
even the Congressional library az
Washington. 1t is far superior &c
any office building owned by the
United States Government.
The interior of the building is in
rare marbles. mosaics and bronze
Every bit of decoration is of the IN.
est material ana the imitation stone
and marble which have so often beer
remarked in otherwise handsome
buildings in Mexico are nowhere to
be seen.
The new postoffice building is the
first Government building in Mexico
of any architectural design worthy OF
the name. 1t is of iireproof construc.
tion, its frame being the first steel
frame to go up in Mexico City. -
Modern Mexico.
The Fulton County news. [volume] (McConnellsburg, Pa.) 1899-current, 1906-11-15
The Last Lieutenant-GeneraI.

When, in June, 1909, Lieutenant.
General Arthur Macarthur, having
reached the age limit for active sery-
ice, retires from the Office which he
assumed yesterday in succession TO
Lieutenant-General Henry c. Corbin.
retired for age, the grade of lienten-
ant-general will cease to exist until
revived by act of Congress. The
rank was established as a reward for
exceptional meritorious service in the
army and several of the nations most
distinguished soldiers have held it.
While, perhaps, the new lieutenant.
general cannot be classed with some
OF MS predecessors in the exalted no.
sition. he has, nevertheless, earned
honorable place in the list of success.
tui military commanders by the char.
acter OF his services, which began al.
most at the outset of the Civil War
and have continued ever since. Gen.
eral Macarthur was useful on the
plains, in Cuba and in the Philip.
pines and he reached his present ev.
alted rank by regular stages.
dence Tribune.
The Fulton County news. [volume] (McConnellsburg, Pa.) 1899-current, 1906-11-15
"Fruitarian.r

Vegetarian is very bad word,
misleading and misunderstood. and
it repels people from adopting our
diet. 1t is meaningless word,
whereas "Fruitarian" is word of
great beauty and means what it
says.
People often misunderstood this
word also, and they think It means
living on peaches and grapes. But
when they misunderstand Il they are
none the less attracted by IL, and
therefore In England the great move-
ment of the future is the fruitarian
movement, as II is appealing to the
cultured. educated and aesthetic
classes and not to that portion of the
community that the vegetarian move-
.ment appeals to, with its three
courses for sixpence dinner.--From
Letter In the Vegetarian Magazine.
The Fulton County news. [volume] (McConnellsburg, Pa.) 1899-current, 1906-11-15
A Fish Story.

Brown had returned from fishing
expedition, and, after partaking of
a most welcome dinner, was relating
some OF his fishing experiences, says
the Buffalo Times.
Last year, said he, while fish
ing for pike. / dropped half sover-
eign. / went to the same place this
year. and after my line had been cast
"A few minutes l felt terrific pull.
Eventually landed fine pike. which
had swallowed the hook. and on cut
ting 1t open to release the hook, to
my amazement-----"
"Ah." said his friends, you found
q half-sovereign."
"Oh, no." replied Brown, II found
nine shillinCo sixpence In silver and
threepence In copper"
well, what became of the other
threepencef" Queried his friends.
II suppose the pike to go through
the lock with It," replied Brown
Cincinnati Commercial Tribune.
The Fulton County news. [volume] (McConnellsburg, Pa.) 1899-current, 1906-11-15
RED DEVIL PROBLEM SOLVED.
Professor Finds Way to Prevent
Autos From Bothering Horses.

Autos From Bothering Horses.
This studious and learned little
village, which exists because it is the
seat of the University of North Caro-
lima, does not like the idea of having
it's decorum disturbed by heathen-
ish and very modern automobiles and
is doing what it can to keep them out.
The specialized professors who walk
the long, shady avenues in the after
noon have in the past been thrown
into fits of indignation when an in
sane chauffeur speeded his car by and
left behind a trail of dust and a pro-
longed Whit of gasolene.
And then the settled steeds that
drew the comfortable phaetons of
the professors wives pricked up their
ears and took fright at the very first
glimpse of a white or a green or a
red devil.
This last fact caused one member
of the faculty, who is village Alder
man, to introduce and have passed
an ordinance that makes it a misde-
meanor for an auto to exceed a speed
of four miles an hour in the corpor-
ate limits. The maximum speed for
vehicles is six miles an hour.
"Why did you make it four miles
for automobiles?" the professor AL
derman was asked
For this reason" he replied.
'If vehicle sees one of them cons
ing it has the chance to turn, whip
up and keep easily out of its way
without violating the law, and if 1t
hears one of them coming, why, of
course, it can also whip up and keep
out of its way by driving straight
ahead"
The ordinance is proving a success.
Chapel Hill correspondence of the
New York Sun.
The Fulton County news. [volume] (McConnellsburg, Pa.) 1899-current, 1906-11-15
Fish in a Mineral spring,

A remarkable discovery of the ex-
istence of FISH in a highly mineral
lied stream, which issues from an
artesian bore at temperature of
112 degrees, is reported by our Bris-
bane correspondent.
DR.. j. w. Barrett and his son.
while out shooting on the Dillalah
cattle run in Queensland, Nhad occa-
sion to draw duck they had shot
from small reservoir that had been
formed in the course OF the bore
stream. Movements In the water led
to the discovery that It was alive
with fish, although II had never Aoen
artlficially stocked and was far dls~
tant from any rivers.
A specimen about six inches long.
resembling sea salmon. was secures
and shown to Professor Wilson, oe
Sydney. who hns not been able to
identify it.--London Daily Mail
The Fulton County news. [volume] (McConnellsburg, Pa.) 1899-current, 1906-11-15
THE BACHELORS CHILD.

He lets her sink upon his breast,
He sings her little lays of rest,
And when her little eyes are closed
And all her baby grace reposed,
He sits beside her little cot
Thinking of things SO long forgot,
So far adowns the long ago
Wherefrom the tender echoes flow
OF songs he heard, of gay love-rhyme,
On lips whose roses fade betime.
Be still--the shadows fill his room!
A wrinkled, lonely bachelors doom
To yearn for things that passed him by,
To hold the memory Of sigh,
To glimpse the shadow of face
Once sunbright with its girlish grace,
TO toss in play and sing to sleep,
When all the lonely shadows creep
And DER his heart figure CLEANS
The little baby of his dreamsl
Baltimore Sun.
The Fulton County news. [volume] (McConnellsburg, Pa.) 1899-current, 1906-11-15
4gkjlIE!ElEE;!EEE4!E!EEiss

Bridget | am going out tonight"
"And lave the house alone?"--Life.
He-'I think modern dress reveals
the vanity of the human heart" She
--"Oh, never saw one so decollete
as that. London Taller.
In Brooklyn, an eloquent preacher
Said "The hen is a beautiful creaturel"
And the hen, hearing that,
Laid an egg in his nat,
And thus did the hen reward Beecher.
Life.
She--'T understand that young
jenkins is quite a tennis player" He
Yes, but aside from that, he Is
perfectly harmless. New Orleans
Picayune.
did he really tell you had case
of stage-fright?" asked the amateur
actress. NO." replied the dearest
friend, che said you were. ."-Phila.
delphia Record.
Lady (entering kitchen and not
ing policeman) SO you are the
brother of my cook. Are you an only
brother?" Officer II hope so.
madame "-Meggendorfer Blaetter.
'Tis sad to see young Newlywed
Each evening as he labors
To try and make his little lawn
Look better than his neighbor's.
Judge.
''Is your horse afraid of automo-
biles?" asked the tourist who was
mending a tire. NO" answered
Farmer Corntossel, hes hauled too
many of them home for that
Washington Star
Poor mani" exclaimed the good.
hearted old lady, Ito what do you at
tribute your craving for drink? IL
it hereditary" "No, ma'am," re-
piled Weary Willie; its thirst
Philadelphia Ledger.
Softleigh-"Good evening, Mrs
Moran / came to see If your daugh
ter, Miss Mabel. would go for a walk
with me-" Miss Mabel-"How dc
you do, Mr.. Softleigh? | shall be
delighted Mamma, do look fit tc
go to a restaurant?"-Life.
Sunday-School superintendent -
80 you are the little man that won
the prize books, The Lives of the
Saints for good behavior. Now,
what are you going to do with the
books, my little MANI" Johnny
Miggs-"Gunner change EN-, sir, fer
Billy der Black Pirate and How
Jimmy Raised der Ranch Life.
The Fulton County news. [volume] (McConnellsburg, Pa.) 1899-current, 1906-11-15

How an American machinery agent
secured an order in Japan is related
by the commercial agent of New
South Wales in the Far East. as fol-
lows:
II was question OF some lathes
for large factory which was being
started. They were required OF cer-
tain size. The agent for the British
Arm said: THAT Is three inches
longer than they are made. and we
can make no alteration" The Amer
lean said II will make them to any
uize you like" The American secured
the order.-U. $, Consular Report.
The Fulton County news. [volume] (McConnellsburg, Pa.) 1899-current, 1906-11-15
pUrroxING.

John Jones lives with his wife, also his
sister and his mother;
He's always at the beck and call Of one or
Of the other
Buttoning, buttoningl
His fingers have been worn TO bones, his
ingernails TO splinters--
He's busy through the springs and falls,
the summers and the winters,
Buttonng, buttoning!
His mother and his sister and his wife
affect the fashion
OF using many buttons-and 1t drives
Jones to a passion,
Buttoninn. buttoning!
The buttons on their dresses are these
homeopathic trihes.
And Jones oft thinks a wicked word
which instantly he stihes.
Buttoning, buttoningl
His wife has eighty buttons, and his sister
sixty-seven.
His mother ninety-fve. and Jones may lose
his chance Of heaven,
Buttoning. buttoning
He cannot read book, or smoke; they al
ways keep him busy.
And scold him for his clunsiness until he's
blind and dizzy
Buttoning, buttoning!
John Jones once had the time to go and
make his club n visit.
But when his wifev calls. 20. john" he
never asks. "What is itY'--
Buttoning buttoning!
At night he loses all the rest that should
be in his slumbers-
He's twitching with his fingers and is run,
ming over numbers.
Buttoning, buttoning!
They went to an old-fashioned social
Jones was happy hearted,
Although they kept him working for two
hours before they started
Buttoning buttoningl
Somebody said: Lets play Who's got
the button'" Jones went frantic.
And now a trained nurse watches each de.
mented act and antic--
Buttoning, buttoningl
Chicago Post.
The Fulton County news. [volume] (McConnellsburg, Pa.) 1899-current, 1906-11-15
Brain Worker Heir to Insomnia.

The man who works with his
brain, and especially the professional
man, is liable to insomnia to a
greater degree than the man whose
employment does not make a big
strain on the intellect.
The man OF business, whose work
is more or less routine, has far
smaller demand ON the nerve of his
brain than the doctor. who has to
think out every case as it comes
along. and still less the writer, whose
work has to be the coinage of his
own brain.
One of the results of the big de-
ndnd which personal work makes on
professional men. and especially on
literary men, is that they suffer a
good deal more from insomnia than
the ordinary man. New orleans
Times-Democrat.