davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1906-06-08

Congressman Rupert of New
York i'll one of the cloakrooms the
other day told a yarn about J. l..
Robbins of the Robbins shipyard, in
Brooklyn. He was in the Adiron-
dacks and developed into the worst
golf player ever seen in those parts,
and that is saving Il great deal. They
had a match for silver cup and the
championship of the Lake Placid
links. Robbins entered, and the
committee gave him a handicap of
s. for Il joke.
Robbins went away for a couple
of weeks before the match. Then
he came back. PLAYED in the match
and won the cup with Il card that
showed So that is, his net score
after the handicap had been sub
tracted was three less than nothing,
which, said Congressman Rupert,
lis going some
you see Rupert continued,
Robbins went to New York, put
himself in the hands of profession-
al and did nothing but play golf for
the two weeks he was away. Then
he went back and cleaned up the
smart Alecks who handicapped him
at So
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1906-06-08
SHOCKED THE PROFESSORS.

Professor Barber. who is at the
head of the Latin department of
the University Of Nebraska, became
indignant when he saw the students
had been eating their luncheon in
his class room, strcwing bits of pa
per aud particles of food on the
floor. He complained to the au-
thoriticS. and the superintendent of
buildings and grounds told one of
his assistants To write a sign of
warning, to be placed in Professor
Rarbcr'S room. The assistant work
ed for awhile. and the sign displayed
when he got through read this way:
"Do not luncheon in this room."
Many of the purists of the miver-
siW were shocked, and the placard
caused almost sensation. There
were loud complaints, and finally
the chancellor took a hand in the
matter. The Young assistant was
asked why hc had used "mncheon"
as a verb.
"Bcrausc it is verb aS well as a
noun," hc calmly replied. And he
produced an authoritative book to
prove it. Some Of the brightest
men in the university had learned
something.--kan,a> City Star.
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1906-06-08
The Private's Pride.

"The late General Joseph Wheel
er, said southerner, was one of
the brayest men who ever lived. lie
was wounded three times during the
civil war, and sixteen horses were
shot dead under him.
"let it was not his military but
his literary achievements that he
took most pride in He knew this
was foolish, but he could not help
it. He said once to me apologetic-
ally that he was not the only man
whose pride was misplaced.
''IIe said that in a certain engage
ment in his youth he once heard a
private swearing and cursing most
frightfully.
"l.ieutenant Wheeler, as he was
then, went up to the private and
said sternly:
Where did you learn to swear
like that
''The private at this question
smiled modestly.
"'Ye can't learn it, he answer
ed. It's Il gift
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1906-06-08
WHAT
NO.. ,.
The Royal Visit to Canada.

II, Il. H. Prince Arthur nf Co..
nauehi'N trip through canada has l44n
most pheasant and Interesting ana. l.,
this Royal visitor. The vast re,nurc,s
OF the Canadian Northwest were shown
!" him a. we'll As the great d-velnpmert
"hlch l. taking place in Eastern Canada
and ms trip over the Grand Trunk Rail-
"sv system gave him an idea of th.
wonderful advancement of the railroad,
o tins country. While on the. Grand
Trunk His Royal Ilighness remarked
several times on the perfect inad-hed
over which the Grand Trunk trains
We're operated the smooth running of
the train on which he travelled, and the
magnificent equipment that was pro-
Elded Tor his comfort. Being the only
double track railway IN Canada and the
finest r"ad-h"d IN the Doni ion. il wa,
natural that he should rrcogniz. these
nolicrahlr features.
Special features We're demonstrated to
him which had not been Operated ON
any other train in the world. such rs the
telephone switch hoard installed in one
OF the cars giving telephone commnni-
cation between each car on tie train.
aud at each stopping place connection
was made with the long distance aud
local circuits. Each OF the guests on
the train had telephones in the rooms
IN the private cars which they occupied
and communication could be had with
local centres. as well as with long dis
tance circuits. Another special feature
was the electric lighting of the train.
which was done bt the operation of a
; cam turbine engine aud dynamo, stu.
ated in the baggage car and fed by steam
/ from the locomotive.
| The concensus Of opinion of all who
had the opportunity Of seeing this Royal
/ train Was the finest train in the
! world"
/ All the arrangements for the roya
/ party while on the Grand Trunk were
carried out without hitch, and His
Royal HIghness felt constrained to tele-
/ graph the management when leaving
the road his appreciation aud thanks for
the comfort he had eniuyed Oh their
lines
Before leaving Canadian shores. the
Grand Trunk presented Prince Arthur
with Il handsome full morocco album,
containing "A collection of photographs
OF the exterior OF the ROYAL train. as
well as interior views of the several ears
which made up the train, and the group
pictures which We're taken at Niagara
Falls aud other points This souvenir
will no doubt recall many happy hours.
amt be Il pleasant reminder of his visit
to Canada,
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1906-06-08
To Relieve Thirst.

1t is noticed that pure cold water,
even when iced, does not relieve
thirst as well AS when something is
added. Lemonade, toast water, bar
ley water or apple tea is often bet
ter for relieving feverish thirst and
sometimes are valuable because
they have a slight amount of nour-
ishment. Do not drink drop of
water that has stood in bedroom
overnight, because it has absorbed
the poison exhaled bv the body.
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1906-06-08
A LITTLE NONSENSE.
Trisste to Shakespeare by an Editor
OF Irish Descent.

There is an editor in Boston. u
man of very excellent parts, who is
of Irish descent. fact of which he
- suprcmcly proud. He il fond of
contending that a majority Of the
%reat poets had, to Il greater or less
degree, Irish blood. One evening
while at dinner with a number of
friends he was holding forth on his
favorite topic when he was inter
rupted by one of the guests, who
said:
AT least there was one excep-
tion to your contcntion-how about
Shakespeare: Surely YOU can't say
that he was an lrishman"
For moment the editor was tax
en- aback. But quickly recovering
his composure he replied:
perhaps not. but his genius
would justify the supposition. -
Lippincott's Magazine.
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1906-06-08

When our soldiers went to Cuba and
he Philippines. health was the most
important consideration. Willis r.
NIorrsson, retired Commissary Ser
5eant L, 5. A., of Rural Route |, Con
'ord, y. H., says: Il was two years in
Cuba and two years in the Philippines.
md being subject to colds, | took DIR
Kings New Discovery for Consumptiou,
which kept me in perfect health. And
now in New Hampshire, we find it the
best medicine in the world for coughs.
colds, bronchial troubles and all lung
diseases. Guaranteed at John w. Thurs
rs, druggist. Price soc and SlOO
Trial bottle free.
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1906-06-08
Headed Of Future Scandals.

A somewhat domineering Judge
who formerly held an appointment
in a small colony was sole occupant
of the bench, so he carried every
thing his own way. One day a
member of the local bar disputed his
ruling upon a certain point and ap-
pealed to printed authority in sup
port of his position, and the judges
account of the incident, as given
by himself, is said to be this:
Would you believe it, one of my
own bar had the impertincncc to tel
me that he was right and | was
wrong, and he appealed to law
book to support him, his own book
and the only one in the colony :"
And what did YOU do" was the
natural question. what did | do :"
was the indignant answer. "There
was only one thing to do. | bor-
rowed the book from him and lost
it, so that we shall hear no more
scandal of that kind"
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1906-06-08

The Barrow family possessed a
dog named Growler. Ii addressed
politely, Growlcr instantly obeyed all
reasonable commands, but if spoken
to GROSSLY the sensitive dog crcpt
under the sofa and sulked. vt such
times as she wished to be alone it
was Mrs. BarroW's habit to hold the
door open and remark courteously
to the discriminating animal,
please go out, my dear And
Growler, wagging cheerful tail,
always went.
One evening while Mrs. Barrow
sat reading by her evening lamp Il
large June bug entered the room
and behaved as June bugs usually
do. The absentminded lady, con-
scious of the disturbance without
fully realizing what caused it, rose
abstractedly, politely opened the
door and, to the great delight of the
family, murmurcd gently;
please go out, my dear
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1906-06-08
Polishing Windows.

Wash the glass with plenty Of
strong soupsuds and rinse with
clean water. Soap enough should
be used in the first place to dissolve
all the grease and dirt that may be
on the glass, and the rinsing will be
an easy matter. The polishing re-
quires more cXertion and should be
done with soft paper. not newspa-
per, or clean old cotton that is free
from lint. When newspapers are
used the ink is very apt to smooch
more or less and leave the glass as
bad as it was in the first place.
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1906-06-08

TO remove lime whitewash from
glass make thin paste of -four and
water and then add a generous
quantity of alum dissolved in wa
ter. Stir well together, apply this
with a large brush and allow it to
remain until the lime is softened
and scrub with a brush. Another
way is to rub the lime with powder
ed pumice and water.
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1906-06-08
"Shul R-rul.
Two hands full.
Pick Il penny.
Guess how many. "
Why Black Men Are Black

II is not an accident of nature
that the skin Of the African is black
but wise provision. The SKIN of
Il white man soon scorches and bis
tiers when exposed to the rays of a
hot sun, but the black skin of the
African absorbs the RAYS and carries
them beneath it. His skin, there
fore, does not scorch and blister. If
YOU put a white glove on one hand
and a black glove on the other and
expose them both to a hot sun the
hand with the white glove on will
scorch. but the other will not, and
vet the hand with the black glove
on will feel hotter than the hand
with the white glove.
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1906-06-08

Many city men regard shampoo
as a city luxury of modern times.
Yet the shampoo is more common
with some Indians than with us, and
they enjoy it oftener than we do,
says George Wharton James in Good
Health. The Indians wife takes
the root of the amole, macerates it
and then beats it up and down in a
bowl Of water until a most delicious
and soft lather results, and then
her liege lord stoopS over the bowl
and she shampoos his long hair and
seal p with vigor, neatness, skill and
dispatch. | have been operated upon
by the best adopts in London, Paris
and New York, and | truthfullv
affirm that a white man has much to
learn in the way of skillful manipu-
lation, effective rubbing Of the scalp
and delicious sickness of the hair
if he knows no other than such
shampooing as | received.
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1906-06-08
DOSING THE COOK.
What Would Happen il This Custom
We're Now Revived?

An English magazine printed in
1o0, affords an opportunity to
learn of the hygienic treatment of
cooks at that period. Similar pro-
ceedings in these enlightened times
would promptly depopuIate our
kitchens, 1t appears that in Eng
land at the date mentioned it was
considered tie correct thing to ad-
minister medicine to cooks at stated
intervals. This was insisted upon
whether or not they resisted. The
theory in vogue as reason for this
heroic treatment was that the con-
tinued fumes of cookery and the ne
cessitv of drinking often to cool the
throat produced bile and humors
that injured the sense of taste The
local effect was to excoriate the pal
ate, and unless prompt remedies
were applied it became callous and
the cooks usefulness imperiled.
TO restore the integrity Of the or
HanS OIL taste III was cOHSluerpu lIll-
pcrative to resort to the following
treatment: The victim was first sub
jected to two days of preparatory
regimen, when decoction of man
ma, SIENNA and salts was administer
ed. One days rest was allowed,
when the dose was repeated. A re-
spite of fortv-eight hours interven-
ed, when, if favorable results fol-
lowed, a heavier dose was given.
The periodical quoted reviews the
contingencies likely to arise from
this enforced regimen. AS matter
Of precaution it insists that employ
ers shall make service dependent
upon prompt acquicscence in this
heroic formula. If the cook is re-
calcitrant she is either to be dis
missed without payment of wages
or reduced to the position of scul-
lion. The forced administration of
senna. mama and salts to the
naughty beings who preside over
our kitchens would promptly land
heads of households in a police
court, to say nothing of preliminary
athletic manifestations with availa-
Bile pots and pans.
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1906-06-08
FOR THE LITTLE ONES.
The Order In Which the Five Senses
Co to Sleep.

Those wonderful men, the scien-
fists, are always telling us about
some queer discovery that they have
made. Now il is about the order in
which the sense, fall asiccp-you
would never have thought Of that,
would YOU: Perhaps YOU may have
thought that all five of them go to
sleep at the same time. but il is not
80. 1t seems that sight is the first,
being obscured bv the eyelids. Then
follows the sense of taste, smell
hearing and touch coming next in
order. The sense of touch i, the
lightest sleeper and Is the most
easily wakcncd. Smell. though one
of the first to fall asleep, i the last
TO wake. After touch, hearing is
the first Ia regain consciousness.
The different parts of the body fail
asleep at different times too. The
influence begins with the feet and
goes gradually upward 10 the center
of nervous action. Warm feet are
therefore essential to sound sleep.
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1906-06-08
"I.rKE rEowN OWES ME So. "

her husband making his last will
and testament.
"'Now, tell me exactly what is
owing YOU the LAWYER said.
"'1'imothy Brown owes me $500,
answered the old man. CASEY owes
me $l,j. and
"'Good, good interrupted the
prospective widow. Rational to the
last
"'Luke Brown owes me $50,
continued the old man.
Rational, rational! again inter
ruptcd the old woman.
ITO Mike l.aiIcrty owe S3c,5j --
"'Ah,' interrupted the old wo-
man. hear him rave, h~r him
rave. New York World.
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1906-06-08
The Game Of Trades,

In this game there are two lead
ers. one for the masters and an
other for the workmen. The leaders
choose sides and select trade. tell
ing the first and last letters to
the masters. For instance, "H-r"
(horseshoer) is taken.
The workmen stand in line, and
each does something in pantomime
appropriate to the trade chosen.
One blows bellows. one hammers
the anvil. The masters are allowed
one guess. If this is correct the
workmen become masters and the
masters take their places.
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1906-06-08
Skin Food.

For skin food melt half an ounce
each of white wax and spermaceti,
an ounce of cocoanut oil and one of
lanolin over hot water. Take from
the fire and while warm add half an
ounce each Of elder flower water and
alcohol, with. lastly, four drops tine
turc benzoin. Beat with wire egg
beater until smooth and creamy,
perfuming with violet or rose ex-
tract. 1t should be used at night
after II thorough cleaning of the
skin.
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1906-06-08
The latin Scholar.

81 have listened," said John
Sharp Williams, ''to some of the de-
bates in this congress on the rail
road rate bill, and / am convinced
that a great deal of the so called
profound knowledge on the subject
of transportation that has been dis
played is not so profound as it
might be.
"Some of the speakers remind me
of the man who claimed to be an ex-
cellent Latin scholar. All right,
said scoffing friend, translate
"vox populi vox dei'' for me-
"'That's easy said the scholar.
1T means, "My God, my God, why
hast thou forsaken me p"
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1906-06-08

Do you know how many snails
are said to be consumed in New
York city in one week alone when
the season is at its height: Why
in the neighborhood of 10000. They
do not seem very tempting food
but epicures ike them and pay higl
prices for the dainty. The supply
comes from France. and it is stated
that they are such a profitable prod
uct that vineyards are given up a;
food for the snails, which bring bet
ter prices than grapes.
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1906-06-08
Removing Ereckles,

Freckles require constant atten-
ton. You drive them away and
some sunny morning they find you
and come back again. 4 lotion that
is easily made and one that is very
effective is; One dram of borax, one
half fluid ounce of diluted acetic
acid, one-half fluid ounce of rose
water. Put on the face several
times a day with soft little velvet
sponge.
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1906-06-08

Smart Wife - Don't worry.
George. | wrote an article for the
paper today, showing how to get up
a family dinner for 81, and took
it around, and the editor gave me Il
dollar.
Husband-That's a rare piece of
good luck. What are YOU going tc
do with the dollar
I'm going to try that recipe my.
self and see if it will work. New
York Weekly.
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1906-06-08
Care Of the EYES.

When the eyes ache close them
for five minutes. When they burn
bathe them in hot water, as hot as
can be borne, with dash of witch
hazel in it. After weeping bathe
them in rose water and lay towel
wet in rose water over them for five
minutes. When they are bloodshot
sleep more. When the whites are
yellow and the pupils dull look to
YOUR diet.
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1906-06-08
Death From LOckjaw

never follows an injury dressed with
Bucklen's Aruica Save. Its antiseptic
and healing properties prevent blood
poisoning. Chas Oswald. merchant, of
RenSselaersviIe. \, Y. writes: "It
cured Seth Burch. of this place. of the
ngIiest sore on his neck ever saw"
Curss Cuts, Wounds. Burns and Sores.
25c at John W. Thurston's drug store.
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1906-06-08
Chapters and Verses.

Not one person in ten perhaps
could say when and how the Bible
came to be divided into chapters
and verses. The division into chap
tiers was made by Cardinal Hugo in
the thirteenth century while he was
making a concordance and the di-
vision into verses by Robert Ste
phens, the printer, who introduced
it in his Greek Testament in 1851
and in his Latin Bible in 1856.
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1906-06-08
Very Necessary.

George loves me, pa, and he will
call on YOU tomorrow at your of
fee"
well, he had better bring g
friend along with him"
"What for"
"ro identify the remains. New
York Press.
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1906-06-08

"Put more ginger in this story"
said the city editor, handing back
the copy.
So the reporter described the
cayenne throwing episode as pep
per and 'sault case, thus winning in
slant promotion. - Philadelphia
Ledger.
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1906-06-08
The Idea.

PEARL think Uncle Sam should
issue special postage stamps for la
dies.
Ruby-And how would they be
different from other stamps?
Pearl-Why, he might flavor the
glue with vanilla and wintergreen.
Detroit Tribune.
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1906-06-08
A Guessing Game.

The game of shul-a-rul is great
fun. lou must have the boys and
girls stand in circle and each hold
in his hand IA sackful of beans or
hazelnuts.
Each in turn must take some of
the beans or nuts in hi. hands, turn
to his left hand neighbor and re-
peat the following rhyme:
"Shul-H-rul
Two hands full.
Pick Il penny.
Guess how many"
The neigha,r makes a guess. If
he guesses too little the other one
must supply enough beans or nuts
to make the correct number. Sup
pose the number is ten and he only
guesses eight. He must be given
two To make it ten.
But if he gue-SeS too many he
must supply enough to make the
number come up to his guess. Sup
pose the number is ten. but he
guesses thirteen. He must give
three to make it thirteen.
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1906-06-08
Cleaning Piano Keys.

One of the best known agents for
cleaning and restoring the color of
piano keys is alcohol, Dampen a
soft cloth with the alcohol and wipe
off the keys, rubbing with the grain
lf piano keys are exposed to the
sunlight occasionally they will keep
their color much better.
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1906-06-08

An lrishman once met an Eng
!ishman who had an artificial leo.
Being of sympathetic nature, Pat
inquired the cause of the loss of the
limb, whercapon the Englishman
said: "a short time ago | discov-
cred that there was some Irish blood
N my body and that it had settled
in this leg, so | had it cut off"
Ills a pity it didn't settle in your
head" came the quick retort.--
Troy Times.
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1906-06-08
The Race For Fame.

so those two old settlers have
quarreled:" :"
yes" answered Farmer Corn
tossel.
What caused il ?"
jealousy. One of 'em was al
ycrtised in the paper as bein' cureo
BY six bottles of patent medicin,
and the other had to take seven."-
Washington Star.
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1906-06-08
A Laundry Hint,

The first step in pressing blankets
after the tedious process of washing
is to fold them evenly when they are
perfectly dry, pulling them into
shape if one side or corner has be-
come stretched. Then cover with
a clean sheet, place board on top
and pile weights upon it, leaving the
blankets for day or two to iron
themselves.
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1906-06-08
His Hope.

81 really believe You married me
simply because have money! com
planned the heiress, who was stingy
as she was plain.
NO." replied her husband can
didly, Il married you because |
thought you'd let me have it.
Houston Post
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1906-06-08
CONDENSED STORIES.
Congressman Champ Clark Is Moved to
Tell Story.

The recent outbur>ts from the
orators of the Republican party
against tariff revision remind me
of the story of the old Irish woman
who thought her diving husband in
sane" Representative Champ Clark
0f Missouri said.
The old woman, a coyetous old
soul, was in the room listening to
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1906-06-08
Sizino For Painted Walls.

The best sizing for use ON walls
as base for paint is one pound of
common glue to a gallon of water
Apply hot with large brush. Eli
ther flake or powdered glue is suita-
BILE.
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1906-06-08
Suspicious.

Yeast - And you are the only
breadwinner in your family?
Crimsonbeak- ak-Sure thing. Id
rather wear my fingers out altogeth-
er than have my wife become
Observation-Disclosures Statesman.
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1906-06-08
A Qiferent Metal.

lawfully homely, isn't she?"
"NIiss Roxley? Oh, my, yes"
81 wonder what led Jack to pro-
pose to herr?
at wasn't lead, but gold" BAL
timore News.
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1906-06-08

Ma-ls Edith in the parlor with
her beau?
Pal couldn't find out.
Ma-Couldn't you find anything
out?
Pa-Nothing but the gas.--Phila-
delphia Press.