Staunton spectator and vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1896-1916, 1906-01-26
HUBBY'S HA-RANGUE.

forget that all day long 1 nave Deen
on my feet talking insurance to peo-
pie until I'm hoarse, and all so that
you can wear good clothes and live in
a comfortable home l haven't taken
you out for seven weeks, and you're
sick Of sitting around doing the mend
ing and wishing you were dead?
By hockey, that's a woman! That's
appreciation for man who slaves all
when he's so worn out that he can't
move, and his ankles ache, and his
stomach amt in good shape, and the
barber cut his chin three times, which
may bring on blood pOisoning-in fact,
it feels very queer right now-then
you harp and harp on the subject OF
my not taking you out.
No, Maria, | don't want anything
put on my cuts. Leave my face alone.
l hate anyone eternally picking at me
i really do. And quit that snuff1ing.
The least little thing which happens
means you turn on the water works.
indeed This is the first night I've
stayed home, and for all l care you
could go without pleasure all your
life. See here, Maria! l am out at
night, and why? Because am work
ing, woman That's the reason! Talk
ing insurance to men l can't find dur
ing the day. Yes, I go to clubs and
hotels. I have to, in my business.
If I didn't guzzle so much booze l
wouldn't need to make so much mon
ey? Maria, your language is sicken-
ing; booze is no word for a lady to use
and it cuts a man to hear his wife,
whom he guards every way, get of
any of that stuff. I said it when I
came in with bun on, and told you
I'd had some of the best in town? A
woman who artfully worms things out
of a person when he is so tired and
weak from overwork that he is halt
crazy ought to be ashamed.
l was not drunk At the corner here
I took one glass of beer, to revive my
self, and that is all. l smelt like I had
taken bath in it? Say, Maria, hate
ly was in order not to disturb you, and
the thanks 1 get are that you sit up in
bed and bawl me out! I did leave my
shoes outside in the hall, admit, and
l put my light overcoat in the icebox
because I don't know where you keep
things anyway, and it seemed good
place. Keep right on laughing, ma
dami
What Perhaps 1 don't know that I
left only one shoe and bottle of gin
in the hall and put the other shoe
away in the umbrella stand, where I
always hide bottles? Bah! won't
discuss it. I'll take one of those
nickel torches l have to smoke so that
you can wallow in luxury and sit over
here and read. No, I'm not going to
read the dope. l don't even know
what you mean. Did 1 get these cigars
for a nickel? Yes, / did. (By Jove,
that amt regular lie. A fellow must
tell fib sometimes. She'd fly clear
up and hit the sky if told the truth
about 'em.) Why do you turn up your
nose, Maria? You know it don't make
a freckled pug nose any handsomer.
Your father laughed and laughed
when you told him about my sef-de-
NAL and my nickel cigars? He said
they were % cents each and I must
have pull if get 'em cheaper? Your
father is a confounded meddling old
idiot! Said the gang in that new club
I'm in would trim me good, did he?
And 1 ought to have some one teach
me 70 play pool and poker?
Lemme tell you, Maria, amt been
stuck for a game since I've been in it,
and, counting out drinks and smokes
a fellows got to buy if he's winner,
1 quit all to the good every night this
week, and-well, I'm going out!
Is that so? You were only kidding?
Your father hasn't been here at all !?
By Jove! Give me the innocent, cling
ing wife of my mothers time. A man
could live in peace. Oh, yes. Of course,
you think you've got it on me now,
Maria, just because l said what l did
Just for fun But a woman can never
see joke, of course.
My mother never made nasty cracks
and snooped around in an underhand
manner, trying to catch a man In a
lie. What? You and she had good
laugh? She's the one who put you
next about the cigars and said I'm
my father over again, all right? Hum.
Talk about a photograph! A woman's
got 'em beat. Jabber, jabber forever
about nothing! Rats! l sit here with
a. high fever from the cold I got
standing in drafts, tending to business
and aching all over, and when / get
on my feet every step is agony, and
you don't carei You don't everybody
Moses! Is this Wednesday? Great
Scott! You'll have me off my nut
completely soon! Here the big Tam
many parade's coming off and I've got
to walk in it and carry a flag on a
cane! I've got to go clear down to
Battery Dams district to meet the
boys and march to Tammany hall.
Where'll they think am, and me one
of the marshals?
The party could go to ruin for all
you'd care, I s'pose. Where's my hat
and coat? Who took my gloves? And
gimme that 80 cents | gave you for the
rent; | might need it. Spry enough on
nv feet to walk six miles, am 1?
refuse to handy words with you,
Maria! The party needs me, and I'm
on the job see? 1 amt got time to
arele il out noWi-N. Y. Telegram