Morgan County democrat. (Versailles, Mo.) 1900-1906, 1906-03-16

In the way. 90 at Q great expense the
management had caused Dennis tail
to be amputated at q New York hos
pital. and while we always carry the
tail along. 1t was only used when q
critical audience demanded 1t, but II
this refined audience SO desired the
tail would be attached to the intelli-
gent animal.
The crowd yelled: PIN on the tail:
the tail goes with the hide" and the
trainer began to pin 1t on. Say, |
could have killed that trainer. He run
that safety pin about an inch into my
spine. and jumped into the air about
four feet. and was going to use a cuss
word that | learned in Philadelphia,
but | had presence of mind enough to
| grunt just as Dennis used to, and chat
ter like a monkey, and the day was
saved. The tail was on n | turned
my back to show that 1t was on
straight. like a woman's hat, when pa
said to hurry the performance to a
conclusion, because he could see that
there was a spirit OF unrest In the au-
dience, ana he would not be surprised
any moment to see Virginia secede
and go out Of the union.
There was nothing more for me to
do except to drink my cup of after
dinner coffee, and smoke my cigarette.
and quit. and | was patting myself on
the back at my success and squirming
around in the chair cause the pin in
my tail hurt my back. but never said
a word. The attendant brought in the
coffee and | took u couple of swal-
lows, when I realized that somebody
had putt cayenne pepper into it, and I
was hot under the collar, but though
| was burning up inside. l never
peeped, but just chOked n took a
swallow Of water and vowed to kill the
person that made the coffee.
kept my temper till the trainer
handed me the cigarette and a match.
and the first puff | realized that they
had filled the cigarette with snuff,
and after blowing out the smoke | be.
gan to sneeze, and the audience fairly
went wild. | sneezed about eight
times. and at every sneeze the pin in
my spine hurt like thunder, but | never
lost my temper, till about the seventh
sneeze. when my monkey mask flew of,
and then a boy about my size, right In
front Of me, yelled: ut amt a mon.
key at all, 1t is a little Niger" and he
threw a ripe persimmon and hit me
right in the eye. said right out in
plain English: you're a liar and I
can knock the %stufing out Of you"
pulled of my dress coat and started
for him. but pa grabbed me on one
side and the monkey trainer on the
other, and they tried to get me to
return to the monkey character, and
chatter, and pa put my monkey mask
on me. but I struck right there. and
| pulled 1t off. and told him and the
managers that l would not play mon,
key any more with a tail pinned to
my spine. my stomach full of cayenne
pepper and my nostrils full OF Scotch
) snuff, and my face all puckered up
, with persimmons.
The crowd yelled: Fraud! Fraud!
Kill the bald.headed old man who IL
the father OF the monkey" and they
were making a rush to clean out the
show when the dressing-room door
opened to let the hippodrome chariot
iateiS out, anu the way tHe CIuIIOts
scattered the crowd was a caution.
That saved us from serious trouble,
for the chariots run over a lot of ne
, groes, which pleased the audience, and
they let us off without killing us,
They got me back to the dressing room
and had to take a pair of pinchers to
get that safety-pin out of my spine.
, and or the way to the dressing-room
,, some one walked on my monkey tail
and pulled 1t off. and that was a dead
loss, Pa sat by me and famed me.
cause I was faint. and then he said:
my boy, you played your part well,
until the p%ersimmon hit you. and
then you forgot that you were an
actor, and became yourself, and
don't blame you for wanting to punch
that boy who called you a little mig
ger, and said l was your pa. After
this chariot race Is over we will go
around In front of the seats, and find
the boy, and you can do him up
Your monkey business was the fea
ture of the show to-day"
We went out and found a boy that
looked like the n that sassed me
but he must have been his big broth
err, cause when went up to him
and swatted him in the nose, he gave
me a black eye. and | am a sight.
That evening. at the performance