davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Franklin's paper the statesman. (Denver, Colo.) 1906-1912, 1906-08-03
THE MAKING OF A JUROR.
Puzzled German Gives the Judge q
Chance to Get Even with
Lawyers.

The Judge had his patience sorel,
tried by lawyers who wished to talk
and by men who tried to evade jury
service. Between hypothetical ques
tons and excuses it seemed as il they
never would get to the actual trial OF
the case. relates the Green Bag. So
when the puzzled little German who
had been accepted by both sides
jumped up the judge was exasperated
"Shudge!" cried the German.
What is it," demanded the Judge.
Il tink l like to go home to my
wife" said the German
You can't" retorted the judge. "Sit
down"
But shudge," persisted the Ger,
man, Il don't tink | make good
shurer."
You're the best in the box" said
the judge. "sit down"
What box?" said the German.
Jury box" said the judge.
"oh, l thought it vas a bad box that
peoples gets in sometimes"
NO" said the judge. the bad box
Is the prisoners box"
But, shudge," persisted the little
German, Il don't speak good English"
You don't have to speak any at all, ="
said the judge. "Sit down"
The little German pointed at the
lawyers to make his last desperate
plea"
"Shudge." he said, 81 can't make
holdings Of what these fellers say"
1t was the judges chance to get
even for many annoyances.
Neither can anyone else" he said.
"Sit down"
With sigh the little German sa,
down.
Franklin's paper the statesman. (Denver, Colo.) 1906-1912, 1906-08-03
When Gold Failed.

Burke Cochran said that no man
with sl0,O00,000 could be put in Jail
in this country. and that statement
fairly well represents the estimate Of
the power of money that prevails with
many people. Yet there are occasions
when money is absolutely powerless.
One of these occurred at the time OF
the wreck of the Valencia.
Among those who are supposed TO
have persisted when the vessel went to
pieces was J. B. Graham. He had re-
Gently sold mine in Alaska for $780,
900, and part of the proceeds of this
sale he carried with him in gold in a
bag. This bag went down with Ora
ham.
Those who were rescued say that he
made frantic efforts TO induce others
gold; but none needed him, and his
precious sack lay on the broken deck.
kicked here and there. unnoticed and
unvalued in that trying time. 1t was
the hour when gold failed, as 1t al
ways fails when held beside the hope
of life
Said one OF the survivors: I'm
coming into safe harbor without a
cent. Why, even this shirt have on
belongs to another man, and | have
not even hat. But that bag OF gold,
or even that ship loaded with gold,
would not tempt me into such place
again
Franklin's paper the statesman. (Denver, Colo.) 1906-1912, 1906-08-03
Just q Little Joke.

An easterner travelling through Ar
kansas on horseback arrived at the
bank OF river. AS there appeared to
be no way to cross 1t except by swim
ming, the traveller dismounted, tied his
clothes TO his horse, drove him into the
river. and swan after him.
On reaching the other side, the east
erner dressed and continued his way.
Before going forty feet, however, he
came to the forks OF the road. lie
looked about him for a sign. There
was none, but just across the river,
near the spot he had entered to swim
across, he saw board nailed TO a tree
There was nothing to do but to swim
across again and read that sign. So
in again the traveller plunged. After
climbing the bank on the other side
he read the following notice:
"Ten dollars fine for crossing this
bridge faster than walk. "-You.hs
Companion.
Franklin's paper the statesman. (Denver, Colo.) 1906-1912, 1906-08-03
WoNDRoUs SWORDS OF JAPAN
Finer Than Any Of the Makes Recog.
nized as Famous.

Japanese swords are the finest"
said swordmaker. They are finer
than the blades of Ferrara, of Toledo
or of Damascus.
THE blades of Ferrara, of Toledo
and of Damascus must bend into a
perfect circle without breaking, and,
a pillow of down being thrown in the
air, they must cut it in two with one
clean stroke.
But the Japanese blade must do
all that and more. The final test Of
Japanese blade is its suspension,
edge upward, beneath tree 1t must
hang beneath the tree for twenty
four hours, and every lightest leaf
that falls upon its edge must be sew
cred neatly. One failure and back
TO the forge goes the japanese blade
again"
Franklin's paper the statesman. (Denver, Colo.) 1906-1912, 1906-08-03
NEW NOSE AND PROMOTION
Young Man in the Navy Gains Ad-
vancement by Clever Sur
gical Operation.

No matter how straight man may
shoot, no matter how expert he may be
In seamanship. no matter what his
knowledge Of torpedoes and such
things, there is no promotion for him
In the United States navy unless
we'll. unless he is good looking. says
the Chicago Inter Ocean. Uncle Sam
will not have petty officers, even. that
are not handsome chaps-fellows with
good faces under their caps.
And so 1t was that Frank Clancy,
hve years in the service and one OF
the cleverest lads on the torpedo boat
destroyer Lawrence, could not get a
step higher than the ranks. He
passed brilliantly in everything, but
to NO purpose, for Frank had nose
that was anything but an ornament.
1t was hollow nose. with big. up
turned end. which made him look as
II q scoop had been at work between
1t and his eyes.
The young sailor was grievously dis
appointed and mourned the physical
disability that deprived him OF ad-
vancement. In despair he sought a
face specialist, directing him to kill
or cure" the offending member.
In 40 minutes Frank Clancy was
ready to take his place with the finest
looking on board Uncle Sans ships.
And now, thanks to science aiding ma
ture, he is an ofiicer on the Lawrence.
Franklin's paper the statesman. (Denver, Colo.) 1906-1912, 1906-08-03
The Artistic Temperament.

Gilbert Keith Chesterton says in
mis- "HIeretics": The artistic tenn
permanent is disease that afiiicts
amateurs. 1t is disease that arises
from men not having sufficient power
Of expression to utter and get rid
Of the element OF art in their be-
ing. Artists of large and whole.
some vitality get rid of their art
easily, as they breathe easily and
perspire easily. But in artists Of less
force the thing becomes pressure,
and produces definite pain. which
is called the artistic temperament.
The great tragedy of the artistic tenn
permanent is that 1t can not produce
any art"
Franklin's paper the statesman. (Denver, Colo.) 1906-1912, 1906-08-03
Stupid JeWeler.

Miss lnez Entz-Yes. Mr.. Tickle
proposed last night and we're engag.
ed. now. I'm so happy; and I'm the
first girl George ever loved, too
Miss Wise-Yes? don't notice
your ring. Didn't he give you one?
Miss Inez Entz-Yes, but, you see.
he had to take 1t back 10 have 1t fix.
ed. The stupid jeweler made the in.
scription read, George TO Genevieve"
instead of George to Inez.'-Cathollc
Standard and Times.
Franklin's paper the statesman. (Denver, Colo.) 1906-1912, 1906-08-03
Marriage by Proxy.

In Holland, says a Scotch naper,
marriage by proxy is allowed. This
is lie so-called marriage by the
glove" and is usually put in practice
by a Dutchman who is sojourning
abroad and. wanting wife, is too
poor or too far of TO return home for
one. In such case he writes home
TO lawyer who selects one conform
able to the requirements of his client
If the gentleman approves he next
sends the lawyer soilod left.hand
glove and power of attorney, which
ries the woL:an by proxy, and she is
thereafter promptly shipped off to her
new home.
Franklin's paper the statesman. (Denver, Colo.) 1906-1912, 1906-08-03
Extensive Autoblographies Unneeded

Chauncey NJ. Depew's extensive au'
photography TO the Congressional Rec.
ord, almost full page, recalls re.
mark said to have been made by vii.
liam H. Seward over half century
ago: There is no man in this land
who Is OF sufficient importance to this
country and to mankind to justify his
consumption OF five minutes of oul
time with personal explanations OF
himself"
Franklin's paper the statesman. (Denver, Colo.) 1906-1912, 1906-08-03
A Minor Trouble.

Did yo' heah bout our bad luck!
No! De OIL man was smokin' in bed
an he set things ahah an burnt de
haidboard an de pliers, an de fasmen
dey frowed water all ovah de feathah
1ck! l nevah did see no such q run
) bid luck!"
AN what bout De o. man.
sDe 81 man? Oh. be wss daili"
Franklin's paper the statesman. (Denver, Colo.) 1906-1912, 1906-08-03

Ansriea's Great Export Crops.
More than one-third Of all the Amer
lean export trade has been in the two
great crops, cotton and wheat.
Franklin's paper the statesman. (Denver, Colo.) 1906-1912, 1906-08-03
The Dead Sea.

The Mediterranean sea is 1871. feet
higher than the Dead sea.
Franklin's paper the statesman. (Denver, Colo.) 1906-1912, 1906-08-03
WESTERN UNIVERSITY.
The great Educational Institution for Kansas and the Yves

DEPARTMENTS: Theological College Academic Normal Sub Norma
and State Industrial.
COURSES Classical College preparatory Academic Normal Sub
Normal, Musical, Instrumental and Vocal) including
piano, and harmony Drawing Zinc art and Me-
chsncaD, Carpentry Printing and Book binding, Bust.
ne" Course, Stenognphy and Typswitng, Tailoring
Dressmalng and Plain Sowing Cooking Laundering,
Farming and Gardening
ADVANTAGES Splendid Location Heahu Climate Good
and Thorough Teachers from the leading schools Of
America including Lincoln University Of Kansas Will
lberforce Tuskegse and Hampton
NFORMATON For terms prices and all inducements offered write
WILLIAM T. VERNON, AM, DID,, Pres.
Quindaro. Kansas.
Bell Phones Office White 1902 Res West IS
The morning Astorian. [volume] (Astoria, Oregon) 1899-1930, 1906-04-20
THE SECOND DAY.

The glorious sunshine of the second
dav of San Franciscos giant struggle
against the accumulating forces OF un-
toward fate, brings no relief to the
waiting millions of the earth possessed
with an abounding interest in the des-
perate crisis. Still the word OF de-
struction and death comes from out
the stricken center and all mankind
stands absorbed and fearful before the
thickening details of annihiliation.
There is no surceasa whatever in sight
and only universal patience and silent
hope are left, until time shall unravel
the dreadful skein woven in the mis-
chance that has overtaken her. Astoria
from her intimate relations with the
great metropolis of the coast in busl-
ness way, together with the fact that
at the moment of her spoilation scores
of Astorians were dwelling or visiting
there land this aside from the humane
and generous interest invoked by the
disaster) has created profound feeling
here, and nowhere will the word of ces'
sation and safety be received will
deeper and honester JOY than in th'
City-by-the-Sea.
The morning Astorian. [volume] (Astoria, Oregon) 1899-1930, 1906-04-20

In search by the compulsory oili'
GERS in the city school board in Chicago
in the Italian quarter, in North Chi
cago known as "little hell for chill
Gren illegally Kept out of the public
schools, hundreds wgre discovered in
all sorts OF hiding p'a,es, An old
fashioned wardrobe in one house yield-
cd M two candidates for school and
the overtmning of u large kettle in an
other kitchen showed a little girl ,
years sereuely coilcd up on the floor
on the upper shelves OF closets, even In
under soap boxes, Pile, Of old clothes
the ovens OF cold ranges, the youthful
uamuts were touud The Inhabitants
had developed a perfect system for the
sccretmg OF their offspring and at the
first alarm of truant officer they He'd
to their hiding places,
The morning Astorian. [volume] (Astoria, Oregon) 1899-1930, 1906-04-20

There is no moral support equal to
the sincere affection OF those whom
we honor and respect. The love ana
admiration of ones friends keeps one
striving To live up 70 the glorious ideal
that taey alye created, There are men
and women who can scarcely exist
without encouragement and sympathy
these wonderful soul tonics that keep
one brave and strong. 1t j. the life
duty OF every individual to pass
through each day as smilingly as life
will permit and to give to others what
one crave, oneself There is no day 50
gray vita clouds that it cannot be made
brilliant and beautiful by the tender
words of friend on the light OF a
smila.
The morning Astorian. [volume] (Astoria, Oregon) 1899-1930, 1906-04-20
THE DUTY OF THE HOUR.

In the political history OF the State
of Oregon no day has dawned to i'm
pose a greater and graver duty upon its
electors than comes with this day. A
new principle is at stake. The direct
primary law in its most essential and
potent phase is on popular trial today
and the only way in which its real
utility and value as a political agency
can be determined, in fullness and hon
estv, is for the voter to give earnest
and deliberate scrutiny to the long list
of aspirants submitted for his choice as
candidates: Gull the best, cleanest,
strongest and wisest Of the group that
confronts him, and vote for them as the
vanguard of success at the later polls.
Republican supremacy in June rests
upon the ticket raised today, and no
loyal Republican can slur the impera-
tive and basic duty that demands that
that ticket shall be impregnabIe for
virtue, popularity and strength to the
last man named for State and county
preference. Personal considerations must
give place to the lotfier exigencies Of
the hour and such returns made as will
leave the Republican party in Oregon
without doubt or hesitation in the issue
of June 4th.
The morning Astorian. [volume] (Astoria, Oregon) 1899-1930, 1906-04-20
NOTICE.

Notice is hereby given that special
assessment roll number l2l, made for
the purpose of defraying the costs and
expenses of improving Birch street.
from the east line OF Fifty.second
street. to the center line of Hty-third
street, has been filed with the Auditor
and Police Judge, and numbered spec
ial assessment roll number III, and
that the committee on streets and pub
lie ways has been appointed a COM
mittee of the council to sit with the
board of assessors to examine, correct
and equalize the same, and that Tues
day, the lst day of May, A. D. 1905, at
the hour of o'clock p. m. in the
council chambers in the city hall, has
been fixed as the time and place OF the
meeting of said board of equalizing.
All objections to said assessment must
be presented in writing.
OLOF ANDERSON,
Dated Astoria, Oregon. April 18th,
A D 1906 4-l9.l0t.
The morning Astorian. [volume] (Astoria, Oregon) 1899-1930, 1906-04-20
Thousands Of Women
ARE MADE WELL AND STRONG
Success of Lydia E. Pinkham's Vegetable
Compound Rests Upon the Fact that II
Really Does Make Sick Women Well.

Thousands upon thousands OF Amerlr
can women have been restored TO
health by Lydia E. Pinkham's Vegeta-
BILE Compound. Their letters are on tile
in Mrs. Pinkham's Office, and prove this
statement to be fact and not mere
boast.
Overshadowing indeed is the success
of this great medicine, and compared
with it all other medicines and treat
ment for women are experiments.
Why has Lydia E. Pinkham's Vege-
table Compound accomplished sucn
widespread results for good? =,
Why has it lived and thrived ana
done its glorious work for quarter OF
century?
Simply and surely because OF its ster'
ling worth. The reason. no other med
icine has even approached its success
is plainly and positively because there
is no other medicine in the world SO
good for women's ills.
The wonderful power OF Lydia T..
Pinkham's Vegetable Compound over
the diseases of womankind is not be-
cause it is a stimulant-not because IT is
a palliative, but simply because it is
the most wonderful tonic and recon
structor ever discovered to act directly
upon the female system, positively
CURING disease and displacements and
restoring health and vigor.
Marvellous cures are reported from
all parts of the country by women who
have been cured, trained nurses who
have witnessed cures and physicians
who have recognized the virtue in
lydia E. Pinkham's Vegetable Com
pound, and are fair enough to give
credit where it is due. If physicians
dared to be frank and open, hundreds
of them would acknowledge that they
constantly prescribe Lydia E. Pink
hams Vegetable Compound in severe
cases of female ills, as they know by
experience that it will effect cure.
! Women who are troubled with pain
full or irregular periods, backache
bloating Tor fiatulence), weakness, dis
placements, inflammation, liberation
| that "bearing-down" feeling, dizzi
ness, faintness, indigestion, nervous
prostration or the blues, should take
immediate action to ward off the seri
GUS consequences, and be restored tt
health and strength by taking Lydia e
Pinkham's Vegetable Compound. ANY
way write to Mrs. Pinkham, Lynn
Mass, for advice. It's free and Away
helpful.
The morning Astorian. [volume] (Astoria, Oregon) 1899-1930, 1906-04-20
Grin Quickly Knocked Out.

"Some weeks ago during the severe
winter weather both my wife and myself
contracted severe colds which speedily
developed into the worst kind OF Ia
grippe with all its miserable symptoms
,ays Mr.. J, s. Egleston OF Maple Land.
ing, Iowa, Knees and joints aching,
muscles sore, head stopped up, eyes aud
nose running, with alternate spells OF
chills and fever. We began using
Chamberlains Cough Remedy. aiding the
same with double dose Of Chamber
hiu's Stomach and Liver Tablets, and bv
its liheml use soon completely knocked
out the grip" Sold by Frank Hart and
Leading Druggists.
The morning Astorian. [volume] (Astoria, Oregon) 1899-1930, 1906-04-20
NOTICE.

All voters of Clatsop county, irres'
pective of parties, are hereby invited
and requested to meet and participate
in a mass meeting to be held in Logan
hall at Astoria, on Saturday, April 81.
1905, at 10 a. m. for the purpose OF
nominating a full county ticket to be
voted for on Monday, June 4, 1905.
c. j. TRENCHARD,
Chairman OF the Citizens
Committee OF Astoria, Ore
MAX W. POHL,
Secretary.
The morning Astorian. [volume] (Astoria, Oregon) 1899-1930, 1906-04-20
CLATsOP WANTS TO KNOW!

One of the burning questions agitat-
ing the people Of Clatsop county IN this
iunctme, is, what effect the California
earthquake has had on that $l9,5Oo
worth of terra Gotta, already paid for
and supposed to be lying in storage at
Lincoln, thirty miles northeast Of Sac
ramento, and strictly within the shock
belt? Terra Gotta is a fragile COM
modify at best, and being paid for is
very much more delicate and liable to
90 to pieces. 1t is really a proposition
of great moment, in its way and if the
fifteen carloads of it belonging to this
county were in Astoria and carefully
stored, public curiosity and interest
would be radically abated.
The morning Astorian. [volume] (Astoria, Oregon) 1899-1930, 1906-04-20
NOTICE OF ASSESSMENT.

Notice is hereby given that the as
sessment made for the Improvement of
Exchange street, from the center line
of Nineteenth street to the center line
of Twenty,frst street, as per assess
ment roll number 100, was made by an
order Of the common council due and
payable ON the lst day of May, A. D.
1905, by ordinance number SaSa, con-
arming said assessment roll, that the
following are the names Of the persons
against whom the assessment IL made
and the amount owing by each to-
The morning Astorian. [volume] (Astoria, Oregon) 1899-1930, 1906-04-20

Siam was a cotton producing country
$500 years ago.
The morning Astorian. [volume] (Astoria, Oregon) 1899-1930, 1906-04-20

Only the woman who hasn't new furs
to wear thoroughly despises winter
weather.
The morning Astorian. [volume] (Astoria, Oregon) 1899-1930, 1906-04-20

How early people get around who
have kicks to make, and what time
it takes them to come VINO have COM
pliments to give!
The morning Astorian. [volume] (Astoria, Oregon) 1899-1930, 1906-04-20

BY order of the common council.
OLOF ANDERSON,
Auditor and Police Judge of the City
of Astoria.
Dated Astoria, Oregon, April 18th, A,
n 1000 4.l9.l0t,
The morning Astorian. [volume] (Astoria, Oregon) 1899-1930, 1906-04-20

The Church of England has an in,
come of $7l0O0.0OO a year.
The morning Astorian. [volume] (Astoria, Oregon) 1899-1930, 1906-04-20

The British government owns more
than $4,000 camels.
The morning Astorian. [volume] (Astoria, Oregon) 1899-1930, 1906-04-20

Success never comes to a man who is
afraid to face failure.
The morning Astorian. [volume] (Astoria, Oregon) 1899-1930, 1906-04-20

The new remedy for rheumatism Is
called arthralgonicon. 1t sounds con-
yincing.
The morning Astorian. [volume] (Astoria, Oregon) 1899-1930, 1906-04-20

Advertising our Affections only in
ases their circulation.
The morning Astorian. [volume] (Astoria, Oregon) 1899-1930, 1906-04-20
REPORT OF THE CONDITION OF THE
Astoria National Bank

at Astoria, in the State of Oregon. at |
the close Of business, April g. 1906.
RESOURCES.
Loans and discounts .,,.... ,$207 ,3GG.0l |
Oyerdrafts, secured and unse.
cured ........,......,.. 7BZ3.5l
U. S. Bonds to secure circula.
ton ... =. -. ........ l2.500.00
Premiums on U. s. Bonds =. 10000
Bond Securities, etc ...... 34,540. .l6
Banking house, furniture and
fixtures ............. 100000
Other real estate owned go. 4,375.OO
Due from National Banks
mot reserve agents) ...". 9,7l3.63
Due from State Banks and
Bankers .......... 4,l68,92
Due from approved reserve
agents ........ ........ 24ly OIL ,86
Checks and other cash items l,433.23
Notes of other National
Banks .............. l,es5.OO.
Fractional paper currency,
nickles, and cents ...... 29O.49
Lawful money reserve in bank
viz:
Specie ......"... .$4S,l 10000
1egaltender notes 2.277oO 5O,S7o.OO
Redemption fund with u. 8.
Treasurer Is per cent Of cir .o
culation) ........'.... ozo'OO
Total ... ...............$6 $640, ,67l 81
LIABILITIES.
Capital stock paid in ....".$ 100000
Surplus fnnd ........... 100000
Undivided profits, less ex'
penses and taxes paid. 36,OO9.35
National Bank Notes Out
standing .........'...' 100000
Irdividual deposits subject
to check ...... 1920, ,l8495
Demand certificates of de-
posit ....... 34,592.34
Time certificates Of
deposit, .... 20S,94S.97 5SS762.26
Total ...............S .S64O,67 l.0l
State of Oregon, County Of CIatsop,
ss:
| IL. +. Higgins cashier of the above
named bank, do solemnly swear that the
above statement is true to the best OF
y knowledge and belief.
j. Z. HIGGINS.
Cashier.
Subscribed and sworn to before me
this 18th day Of April, 1905.
GEORGE G. FULTON,
Notary Public.
Correct Attest:
GEO. Fl. GEORGE,
GEO. w. WARREN,
A. SCHERNACKAU,
Directors.
The morning Astorian. [volume] (Astoria, Oregon) 1899-1930, 1906-04-20

Entered as second-class matter June
q 1905. at the postoiiice At Astoria, Vrs'
gon, under the act of Congress oil Mafeh y
1879
The morning Astorian. [volume] (Astoria, Oregon) 1899-1930, 1906-04-20
SUBSCRIPTION RATES.

BY mail, per year .'''..'''''''S''oo
By mail, per month. minimum 'eo
BY carrier, per month.,'...''.' 90
The morning Astorian. [volume] (Astoria, Oregon) 1899-1930, 1906-04-20

WEEKLY ASToRIAN,
By mail. per year, in advance. .sl'oo