Connecticut western news., 1906-10-04
"S|MON" AT THE FAIR
TACKLED BY THE PlCKP0CKETS

The Hen and the Chronological Chart
 -''Simon Slender and Valse"-The
 Urbane Fakir and the Adaptable
 GIoves-The Grand Stand" Overflow
 Meeting"
 ... CONTINUED FROM LAST wEEK.)
 On my trip to the chicken building I heard two men arguing on the relative merits of score card and comparison judging when they wern't making q survey of the roof through a telescope with place for cork ill one end.
 "None of these here systems of judgin' they is usin' nowadays haint as thorough as they ought to be- said one. ''It haint enough that a bird should have this sort of feather, this kind of comb or of leg Why don't they let intelligence and such characteristics count as we'll as feathers as combs. Adopt chronological chart for chickens the same as they would for us higher bein's. (Another pull at
 
 average hen, measure her across the brain and when you lift the measure to see what you have got you make up your mind she isn't real bright. Feel her bump of tune; it haint no where nor mally developed and time, excepting meal tine, has no development whatever, alimentiveness only normal but when it comes to determination, combativeness and love of home and offspring there her bumps stick out so you can hang your overshoes on 'em and you make up your mind she haint no mental slouch after all. This here judgin' business needs rectifyin' and as soon as git my eye on the fair officers I'm goin' to make few suggestions.
 I'm unfortunate. I don't possess Great Harrington relatives who feel that life isn't worth the living along about the hind end of September unless I'm seated in their dining rooms three times a day and at night reminding their bed steads that they are not to be ornaments only. Therefore I engaged a cot at village inn where filed myself away between the sheets each evening where was handy for reference in the morn ing. .-
 When dipped my pen into the ink, preparatory to letting loose my business college penmanship on the hotel register, noted the last name read "P. U. T. X lr1rr ok 7 faIf to., the fall styles in hotel registering and so inscribed Simon Slender and valise."
 In the morning boarded car which was "goin' right down" as soon as one more passenger was secured. They con- tinued to get one more passenger until had edged along the entire length of the seat and out on to the dashboard.
 The urbane and talkative fakir was on hand, also on dry goods box, early in the morning and had gathered large crowd about him. He was selling gloves at rapid rate. I say gloves because that's what he said they were. He was nothing if not persuasive and although I was mopping the precipitation from my brow, he drew so life-like word picture of tingling fingers, cold toes, frost bitten ears, pink noses on the COWS and other goods in winters stock of trade that old and staid farmers turned up their coat collars, slapped their hands and elbowed their way through the crowd to lay down their dollars and mow away their hands ill pair of those mitts.
 "Them's too big" said MT. Johnson of Wayback.
 That's all right, mister" said the fakir, they'll shrink after being worn and will be the incest fit you ever had. One dollar, yes sir, thank you sir and you sir. To another. Whats thatl Too small? Not bit of it, stretch as soon as you've worn them few times. One dollar, correct. Thank you, thank you, sir and you and you and-Here my attention was attracted by slight tug ging at my coat. A hand that I did not recollect had been connected to my anat- omy up to date was vending its way into my wallet pocket. found the hand to be connected to an anatomy all right but one strange to me. Excuse me, mister" said I ''but you'll find my peppermint lozengers in the east pocket of my waistcoat."
 Beg pardon" said he "I suffer from kleptomania or some such thing as that and did not realize when my hand was going. I trust you will pardon me-
 The police justice diagnosed it as "hooktoomanya" and the last words I were Twenty-Five dollars or six months"
 Friday transfer took place between myself and an agent of the society