davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Washington herald., 1906-11-11

tain gently ventured. mayhem means to
bite or mutilate with the teeth
The same said the victim of may
1 hem. a saw has teeth; it was your saw
that cut my leg off. heard you give the
| order. and I'm muulated, amt I?' Mr..
Tokens grew justly incensed. You may
| know little marine lava very little
but l was up in criminal Jurisprudence.
sir. while your bedding was still poison
ing the FISH OF Ellis Island
Sir" said the captain. Il never was
an immigrant in my life. I was born
under the Stars and Stripes. and can
prove it,"
we will not discuss your birth certih-
cate at this time" Mr.. Tokens said, cold
". 1T is quite irrelevant, non compos
mentis and materialistic. The status quo
Of the case is this. I'm mutilated and it's
up to YOU" and the victim of mayhem
famed himself with the severed pegleg-
a scepter with which he ruled the situa-
ton.
The captain took a long look at the
boUndless ocean, which was four miles
deep at that point.
Then stay on board till we get 70
Samboa." he snapped. 1T means two
more ugly mouths 10 feed and nothing
coming IN. What is there for that bilious
cur to eat?'
''Ikey eats the same things do-butter
cakes"
Uttering a hopeless howl. Jute plunged
into the cabin, followed by the mate.
If I were you. sir" said Mr. Bloke.
I wouldn't allude to butter in the pres
ence OF the captain. It irritates him. Try
a little salve"
What. me eat salve?" .blazed Mr.
Tokens. turning on the tourist. Say.
bub. do you take me for a Filpino?'
Pardon me-" said Willie, deeply con-
fused. BY saIve I meant pacific meas
ures-sOothing words. you know Don't
speak of butter. Some Of his sailors
wanted it once, and two Of them are still
IN the hospital"
'Oh, I see row. I'm onto Jute." said
the stowaway. warming to Mr.. Bloke and
gazing at the giddy touring clothes.
who the devil are you, anyway"
Just another stowaway ike yourself,
only I paid passage" replied Willie, hts
under lip quivering, and it is simply
awful I lost my job in Frisco and
wanted a vacation. and they roped me
into this four-fush outfit Isn't it the
limit?"
There may be distressing features in
life on the bounding bnlers." Mr.. Tokens
admitted, looking at the stump OF his
sawed-Of leg Accidents VIII happen. -
DO you call hiding away in this rotten
tub an accident?' Willie wanted to know.
I done it on purpose" Mortimer con
fessed. Had 70 escape quick on account
of a love affair"
Honestly. now" said Willie, you
don't look like a man who would play
Santa Claus to factory girl"
"She was a widow lady" Mr.. Tokens
said, softly. Nothing young and glddy
in mine. Her furniture was pretty old,
too, though never seen it didn't want
IT, anyhow. She has a brother on the
force, and they made it so hot I skipped. 20
How did you manage to get on the
ship" Willie asked.
'Sneaked aboard In the night and had a
stevedore smuggle my trunk into the
cabin. There Is 800 second hand razors in
that tin SaratOgy. They tell me the can
nibals in Samboa shave with busted beer
bottles, so I'm going down 10 open a ton
sorial supply house at fancy prices. I'll
show EN-"
Just then the mate came up from be-
The Washington herald., 1906-11-11
CnbhY,s LnrEn Fare,

a well-known cabby Qn his own city)
had a large fare the other day. She
weighed $50 pounds at least.
He had brought her from the suburbs.
and when they arrived at the depot, or
stand. the woman took out her purse and
extracted a shilling. When she handed
it up 10 the Jehu, he said:
Madame, will you kindly walk around
in front OF the hOTse?"
With look Of surprise the woman re-
piled: What for?"
Well" said the cabby, 'I want my
horse to see what I had to bring five
miles for a shilling gv'-Smiles.
The Washington herald., 1906-11-11
Too Later,

There is a story told OF a clergyman
who ran like mad one morning to catch
train he had been in the habit OF catch
ing.
He missed II by a second or two.
So did a workman. The porter had IN
stTucuOns 10 close the gate Of which he
was in charge at a certain time. He d.d
it to the second. he jammed it fast and
true in the face Of both cleric and work
man.
The workman said something like this:
80 - -
And the clergyman said TO the work
man: L am Of the same opinion. IN
your own way you have expressed IL ad-
miTably. Smiths Weekly.
The Washington herald., 1906-11-11

duck, toddled to the door while Mr.. Bar
nacle from the lookout on the cabin roof
gazed IN respectful awe at the struggle
in the hole. The captain paused TO
moisten his palms
Did you know that handspike was a
menace to human nves?"
y did not" said Bill 7 never knowed
it was there
Bring a saw and cut it of The spike
is ships property and worth money; but,
by slUsh, I won't kill myself TO save ill.,
The mate brought a 10-cent counter
saw and attacked the spike. When the
Severed end dropped away the other was
guage that surpassed any remarks the
skipper had yet placed on file, and he was
an impresaTio.
Holy poop deck. what does that
mean" gasped Jute.
More language dribbled from the hole.
followed by onions in sacks, a couple Of
bundles of shingles and other high-class
junk. Then appeared the elderly, one
eyed face and ardent red whiskers Of Mr..
Mortimer Tokens. stowaway-surrepu
tioUs passengers on board the Luly Alice.
Help me out Of this crack" he said
in matter-of-fact tones. "Since you We
sawed my leg of I'm on the bum for
speed. Never was much in that line"
Like men in a trance, Bill and the cap
tain dragged the stowaway from his lair.
boosted him to the upper levels and gave
him seat on the cabin roof.
VERY good. thus far, and thank you.
gents" said Mr. Tokens Now. then.
where's my dog? Come here, Ike, old
boy"
out Of the crevice in the lumber rolled
a seasick bull pup. pink Of eye and shaky
on his pins. Ike was about all in Mr..
Bloke lifted Stowaway No. to the top
Of the lumber and gave him a push that
sent him reeling to the foot Of his master.
There he crouched while the pair
focused three eyes and one empty socket
on the skipper.
By this time Jute had speech for the
man who helped him found the Seven
Bells Club. Folding his arms and plant
ing his feet wide the commander of the
Luly Alice addressed the st0waway in
slow and measured accents.
$50 that was your trunk banging the
paint of my cabin all last night?''
1T were"
7 saw the initials N. T. as I came out.
but 7 never suspected you" Though out
wardly calm, Jute was holding back the
explosion that was to obliterate Mr.
Tokens at a single swipe
You have come TO stay, take i, you
bankrupt booze admiral?'
mo I'm on my way, but don't know
where I'm going"
Are you aware I can have you ar
rested for slowing away IN my ship?'
Mr.. Tokens stuffed a wad Of whiskeTs
between his lips. gazed over the wide,
wide waste Of waters, and then turned
his lonesome eye upon the captain.
Fetch on your cops and I'll make a
counter charge"
Fully fifty per cent Of ferocity dispersed
from the face and voice of Jute.
What do you mean by a counter
charge? What crime have 7 eommitted?'
Mayhem On the high seas" The
brainy MIR. Tokens had played his ace.
On hearing these fearful words, Mr..
Banacle permitted a spasm to pass
through his system, and even that INTEL
lectual journalist, Mr. Bloke, had a dim
sort of hunch. Mayhem on the high seas
sent him glimmering for minute.
As I understand the term the cap
The Washington herald., 1906-11-11
Could Put II on,

A well-known Scotch author and a
young friend Of his had spent the whole
day on the links, and had had some close
and exciting matches. AS they left for
home, the elder man remarked:
DO you think ye could play again to-
morrow, ladder"
We'll" answered the youth. IT was to
be married tomorrow, but 1 can put II
off ILLUSTRATED Bits.
The Washington herald., 1906-11-11
Used to n Forhorn.

A minister and a rather bumptious
traveller occupied the same cabin across
the Atlantic. At breakfast on the first
morning the traveller said:
I hope. sir. my snoring did not disturb
you during the night?'
oh! no, not a bit. sir" replied the
minister, not a bit You see, live on
the coast near lighthouse. and I'm
used to the sound Of the foghorn on
thick nights. Merry Moments
The Washington herald., 1906-11-11
Not for Women.

She: We'll, I maintain that women can
do anything that men can"
He: "Oh, no. The auctioneer's business
is one a woman cannot go into
She: Nonsense. She'd make every biz
as coed an auetioneer as a man"
He: Just imagine an unmarried
woman getting up before a crowd and ex-
claiming: Now gentlemen, all want Is
an offer" "-Pick-Me-Up.
The Washington herald., 1906-11-11
Lied Like a Gns Meter.

Two Scotch friends met one day after
a long absence. one Of them had car
mine nose. The other looked into his
face and said,
All John, I doot-"
But John said he was not 20 judge by
appearances, as he only drank one glass
Of beer in a day.
.Oh! weel,' said the other. yer face is
maybe Ike OOr gas meter-it registers
maire than il consumes. Funny Cuts.
The Washington herald., 1906-11-11
ExpIaf=4d.

Brown-Your friend Thomson is dead.
Poet-Impossible. Why. I was at his
rooms last night reading my latest poem
TO him.
Brown-Great Scott, man. Why didn't
you say so before? Come at once to the
inquest they are still in doubt as TO what
caused that sudden relapse,-Funny Cuts.
The Washington herald., 1906-11-11
Not True to Life.

Hell thought the author of this play
was famous for his keen understanding
OF the female character?
She-Well. do you doubt It?
He-Of course. He has just made his
heroine say that she will suffer in sill
-encer'-Iliuustrated Bits.
The Washington herald., 1906-11-11
He Had One.

They were talking about dogs. well" /"
remarked Jones, ''for my part, I think
many dogs have more sense than their
masters"
Yes" chimed in Softly. 81 have a dog
like that at home" (And he couldn't un-
derstand why they laughed )-Funny Cuts.
The Washington herald., 1906-11-11
what Her Preference Was.

Professor-Do you, then, like a brass
band?
Fair Pupil-Oh yes; like brass band
very well, but I think I should always
prefer a plain gold one!-Funny Cuts.
The Washington herald., 1906-11-11

grog locker. BY nightfaH the pig had
yielded its young life 10 the advance
ment Of agriculture on the high seas.
When Jute came up at sundown ne be-
held T. Wilson, Of Ohio, polishing the
strip OF sheet brass on the new wooden
leg Of Mr. Tokens.
The Washington herald., 1906-11-11
was of a Different Mind.

Fenshaw-I hear that you are to wed
Col SWingeT. Mrs GTasse. He's a noble
fellow, every inch a soldier, born to
command.
Widow Grasse-Hm! Wen see about
that, Mr. Fenshaw; Wen see about that
Funny Cuts.
The Washington herald., 1906-11-11
Chance Lower Down.

Lady-Are you married, my good man?
Crossings mum; but yer'd
ave a chance down at the next crossing.
The bloke there amt even engaged
Funny Cuts.
The Washington herald., 1906-11-11
He Wnn Luckr.

You have had many trials. I suppose,
my poor man2'
''Yes'm; but, luckily, I've always got
off"'-SketchJ Bits.
The Washington herald., 1906-11-11
1t worked Against Him.

Dolly-Spacer says his poetical talent is
a gift Who do you think gave him such
a gift?
Dimples-Some enemy, I presume
Sketchy Bits.
The Washington herald., 1906-11-11

Edith-I don't know what It is that
draws me TO that fellow Hugger.
Alce-I do; it's his arm.
The Washington herald., 1906-11-11
A Poor Shot.
She Knew.

He says he aims to tell the truth"
Hes a shocking bad shot, then"
The Washington herald., 1906-11-11
Nature and Art.

Marie bleaches her hair. doesn't she?''
''Ohl no. She's naturally Iight-headed. 4"
Big Budget.
The Washington herald., 1906-11-11
Not n Few.

Benedick-Not married. eh? I'll bet you
are fond of a girl. though
Batchellor-Oh, yes. indeed.
Benedick-Who is she?
Batchellor-Her name is LEGION
Smiles.
The Washington herald., 1906-11-11

81 called at your house last night" said
Grebe TO Hart, and found you out"
There, 1 told the fool OF a girl 10 ses
that the blinds were turned the right wsxs
Do you think any one else saw in
Piek-Me-Ip.
The Washington herald., 1906-11-11

she-Some people profit by the mistakes
of others.
He-Yes; ike the minister who got q
guinea for marrying us,-Tit-Bits.
The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1906-05-10

flames. and then-I was here again
just sitting here before the fire at
home"
\ sob shook her, and he drew her
closer Then she went on again, merry
OuSly, in a half smothered voice. lit
tie pause between each sentence.
The dream haunted me- Then your
telegram came, Robert''-she changed
her position somewhat and regarded
him carnestly-"I did not dream it. l
saw it. Tell me that you believe I did
not dream it,
He nodded. regarding her %rayciy.
but now could I see il when | was
here in this room all the timer she
went on, with little laugh Then her
nerves, already strained TO the break
ing point, gave way, and her slender
body quiycred with heavy so,S.
The clasp Of his arms rea>Surcd her
He drew her head to his shoulder. and
they sat in silence in the fast darken-
ing room, lighted only by the flames
leaping in and ont between the heavy
logs.
His voice, intense and hushed, was
the first to break the silence.
Il was in the front part of the train
iii the smoking car" he said gravely.
Il had finished one cigar and was
about to take another Indeed. the
cigar case was in my hand, and | was
just about TO offer it to my companion
when looked w and saw-you. There
You We're, standing just inside the door
at the end Of the car. | remember
you standing there. so l must have
seen your whole figure, but all that
noticed were your eyes intense. COM
polling. electric with some message
fastened on mine with look Of pas
Sionatc. ag3niz.ug appeal.
Il DO not remember that was sur
priscd. Wy only thought was that you
wanted M. As | went down the aisle
towar. y'u You opened the door ana
passed swiftly into the car beyond.
your eyes, with their compelling APP
peal. still fastened on nine. 81 in this
fashion. in a sort of trance. | followed
you from car to car Till we stood in
tie observation car at The end of the
train
Then | cane 70 my senses. | start
ed to call you to cry ont ana just ut
thai mHGort" lie went ON. his voice
tcnS" with rMotion. the train struck
an opnu Switch and the engine left
the rails ard plowcd into the ground,
tearing mp the track for yards"
The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1906-05-10
The Gin Child.

Course we'd figured on a boy child, same
as people always does.
Baby girls is jest tn useIessest they is or
ever was;
Helpless when they're kids an helpless
when they're middle aged or old,
All tn family turns Pertecter fr tn eve
lamb in tn fold.
Dassent ever pop tn question even
though she's lest in love;
Has 10 set an wait till some one labels
er his turtIcdOrs.
Git it want a boy, by gracious, when 1t
come tn other day. -
But We've kind o got notion that r y y
keep it anyway. VI
Course twas dretful disapp'intin' that she
couldn't been boy,
An tn tears we shed-er swallered-wan't
no sparklin' tears o. JOY;
Still, she's small an mighty dawncey, an
she cuddles up so sweet,
With 'er fists like velvet rosebuds an her
teenty, wrinkled feet,
Clingin clost, jest like tn tendrils of tn
mOrnin' glory vine
As it chambers up tn porch posts on a
piece O. cotton Irvine.
She do'no but what she's welcome as tn
flowers is in May;
So we've somehow got tn notion that
We'll keep 'er anyway.
Then ag'i in / thought O mother-she was
onct baby girl.
Amt no tellin' Jest which eyester is tn
one that holds tn pearl.
Who could tell when she was little that
she'd grow to be so great
An would make my dear old daddy such
a Study runnin' mate?
Then tn one that lays an snuggles with
that bran new baby hyer-
Aarr1 !
hadn't been fer her?
She was jest as pink an helpless as this
new one is one day;
So it's middlin' easy guessin' that well
keep 'er anyway.
Strickland w. Gillian in Reader.
The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1906-05-10
DIDN'T FEEZE HIM.

A newspaper man who recently
returned from a Southern trip tells
this story: Il happened to spend
a Sunday in a little town way down
South, and in the morning I went
to cOlored church to listen to the
sermon of colored preacher who
was a character in the community.
He had for his text the escape Of
the Israelites from Egypt, and
when 1 came in he spoke some
thing like this And the Lord
froze the Red Sea into a solid cake
of ice and de Israelites crossed
safely over to de odder side.
Then the egyptians followed Them
over the ice, but when they got
into the middle de Lord sent down
a heavy thaw, which melted the
ice and percipetated the egyptians
into the water and they were all
drowned The congregation was
still for about a minute. Then a
tall, thin colored man arose and
said. Mister Preacher, 1 begs to
disagree with that last statement
of yours. According to the geog-
raphy, the Red Sea is in the trop-
les, clsse to the Equator, and the
water there never freezes The
minister listened attentively, then
in a loud, angry voice replied: 4
thought there would be one of
those smart niggers in this here
congregation to contradict me.
But he is not so smart as he thinks
lie is. In the days when the Is
raelites ran away from Egypt,
long, long ago, there was ne such
thing as Biography or an Equator
neither.
The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1906-05-10

Every child and adult can be
helpful to fight consumption.
School children can help by com
plying with the following rules.
Do not spit except in spittoon,
or a piece of cloth, or a handker-
chief used for that purpose alone.
On your return home have the
cloth burned by your mother, or
the handkerchief put in water un-
til ready for the wash.
Never spit on a slate, floor, side
walk or playground.
Do not put your fingers in your
mouth.
Do not pick your nose or wipe
it on your hand or sleeve.
DO not wet your finger in your
mouth when turning the leaves of
books.
Do not put pencils in your
mouth or wet them with your lips.
Do not hold money in your
mouth.
Do not put pins in your mouth.
Do not put anything in your
mouth except food and dri nix.
Do not swap apple cores, candy,
chewing gum, half-eaten food
whistles, bean blowers or anything
that is put in the mouth.
Peel or wash your fruit before
eating it.
Do not kiss anyone on the
mouth.
Never cough or sneeze i'll a per
sons face. Turn your face to one
side, or hold handkerchief be-
fore your mouth.
Keep your face and hands and
fngernails clean; wash your hands
with soap and water before each
meal.
When yon don't feel we'll, have
cut yourself, or have been hurt by
Others, do not be afraid to report
to the teacher.
Be just as careful and clearly
about your person at home as in
school.
Clean your teeth with tooth
brush and water, if possible, after
each meal, but at least on getting
up in the morning and on going TO
bed at night--Chicago Tribune.
The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1906-05-10

Thomas Ryan. in The course of an
amusing address 10 gathering OF
Acton cabmCH ia Acton priory schools.
Central hall bid an anecdote of a
costcmnonger who. after hard drink.
Ing, signed the pledge and prospered.
The first money he saved from
knocking off the bottle he spent in get
ting his hair cut. This kind of extrav-
agance went on till they'd saved enough
TO buy Il 'mOke' Oh. she was Il daisy.
jimmy they called her. and they kept
her in the parlor downstairs-yes.
that's the fact-While they lived over
head. The kids just dotted on jimmy.
But one morning when they came
downstairs jimmy was gone They ask
ed their mother about her.
Jinny's sold she said sorrowfully
Your fathers broke the pledge and is
drinking again"
But, mother cried the kids, Jimmy
didn't do it, Why don't You sell ia
ther| "-Londou Daily Mail.
The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1906-05-10

deposit ofSIo, returnable upon the
presentation of the cover when the
coupons are used. Mr.. Anders
brought suit.
The suit, which was brought
before Justice J. Francis Smith, is
based upon the section of the law
which provides that upon the re-
fusal OF the agent Of any railroad
company to sell a mileage book,
as provided by the law, the person
to whom such refusal is made shall
be entitled to recover as liquidated
damages from such railroad cor
poration the sum of $50 for each
refusal or neglect TO issue said
book or to accept said coupons,
which damages shall be recovera-
BILE before any justice of the peace
of any county in the state ofMary-
land, or in Baltimore city, in
which said railroad corporation
has all office or place of business.
Mr.. Anders stated after filing
his suit that he expected, in case
he secured judgment against the
railroad company, the latter would
take all appeal, and the case would
be carried through the courts until
a final dicision as to the constitu-
tionality of the law was obtained.
Mr.. Anders said that he had sup
posed that some interested party
or organization wonld bring a test
suit to secure a decision upon this
point, but that as nothing was
done, he felt that he, as author OF
the bill should make this move
The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1906-05-10
TELEGRAPHYOf
THE SOUL
By EDITH NJ. DOANE
Copyright, 1906, by P. c. Eastmcnt

Extra, Extrar'
The shrill cry Of newsboy outside
broke sharply on the silence of the
warm, sunlit room.
Horrible disaster, Wreck OF the
limited. Twenty people killed. Ex-
ira, EXtrar'
The girl before the fire started nerv-
OuSly. She was pale, and her eyes
were large and dark with excitement.
She listened intently till the last faint
sound died away; then mechanically
she smoothed open and reread the bit
of yellow paper in her hand:
Limited wrecked; escaped unhurt;
will be with you tomorrow. John
Bronson" the telegram read
With a little passionate cry of relief
and joy she pressed the crumpled yell
low messenger to her lips.
All the next day she listened anxious
ly for his ring, and yet when he finally
The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1906-05-10

Perhaps no band of men in the world
suffered such constant injuries. if not
death, as the corps of building wreck
ers TO be found in every large city.
They visit Il building which has been
Quilted by fire, the lettering walls of
which are still standing and which ac-
cordin@ly are Il menace to pedestrians
1t is the business of these wrcckers to
pull the walls down, and half hour
spent watching them at This work
brings the quick thrill as nothing else
in our hum3rum urban civilization can.
They swarm over the Swaying walls
with reckless impuuity, fastening ropes
here and there, preparing for the long
aud strong pull. Frequently the walls
30 in simply because of the weight of
The men ut work upon them. The bod
is are dug out of the mass of iron and
'ricli, ald the work goes on as if moth
ing had happened World.
The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1906-05-10
White Farmer Marries Negress.

Edward Collins, wealthy white
farmer, and Priscilla J. Pye, a ne
gress, both of Washington county,
Md, were married late Wednes-
day afternoon at Chambersburg by
Rev. Alexander Hannum, pastor
Of the John Wesley African Meth
odist church, after Rev. Charles
w, Brewaker, the white pastor of
the First United Brethren church,
had refused to marry them.
The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1906-05-10
A CLASH OVER MILEAGE BOOKS
Suit By Author Of the Law Regarding
the Sale of Railroad Mileage Books.

Aaron X. Anders, member CT
the House of Delegates from Fred
erick county, who introduced the
bill for the regulation of the sale
ofrailroad mileage books in Mary
land which was passed by the leg
islature and signed by the Cover
nor, Thursday afternoon brought
suit at Frederick against the
Northern Central Railway Com,
pany for the alleged refusal Of its
agent there to comply with the
provisions of the law.
The law requires that every rail
road in Maryland shall keep On sale
at all Of its stations in Maryland
1000 mile coupon tickets at the
price of $50 and 5oo-mile tickets
at the price Of $40. The bill pre-
vided that the act should take eff
feet from the date of its passage,
but the law, it is said, has been
ignored by the railroads.
Thursday afternoon Mr.. Anders
went to the local office of the
Northern Central Railway and
asked for a 5oo-mile ticket, tender.
ing $40 to pay for it. He was in
formed by the agent that no such
tickets were on sale and that the
company had authorized the sale
of no mileage coupon tickets save
the usual I,oOo-mile books at the
price of $50, which includes the