The Lexington dispatch. [volume] (Lexington, South Carolina) 1870-1917, 1906-12-05

there ready TO put on, anu mdculueES
does it. Every garment is buttoned
up and hooked up. The children now
want breakfast All they have to do
is to hold their mouths to certain
spouts. There is warm milk, cold milk.
porridge and so Oh and so forth. If
one of them wakes up with collie there
is the paregoric spout. If one is ach-
ing for spanking you turn a switch
that cuts out the others. If all are
aching, let 'er go as she is. This in
vention, madam, does everything but
take the children out to walk. 1t will
save it's cost every three months.
Doesn't eat anything, never talks back
and never goes on strike. Always
licks the children on the right spot,
and there are no splinters to fly off
and put out the cats eye"
ut must surely be a wonderful
thing" said the lady as the major
paused for breath.
ut will be so pronounced, madam.
You called to get subscription. If I
should give you hundred dollars you
would think it liberal. I propose to
give you better than five thousand. l
shall at once install one Of my consol-
ers> in your orphan asylum as a free
gift.''
"You are indeed a liberal man, but
''You are thinking it may not work,
madam. Have no fear of that. 1t has
been tested in three different asylums.
and they are charmed with it. Only
two persons needed to take care OF
200 orphans. Runs night and day.
and a musical attachment goes with it
to lull the red headed babies to sleep
on windy nights. will give the order
at once, madam, and''-
''What is it?''
"I am sorry to say that it is the rule
Of the company that the asylums pay
the drayage. That will lie 81; but.
having been an orphan myself, will
pay in half Can you hand me the bal
ance, please|'
But hardly see," said the lady as
she opened her purse.
''Drayage, madam-drayage. The ma
chinery must be got from our factory
to your asylum, you see. That's it
thanks. The consoler shall be ready
at the earliest possible moment. Say
nothing to any one, please, but let it
come as great and pleasant surprise
to the orphans. Is there anything
more?'
But 1 have paid you So"
Exactly, fundamentally. You have
paid one-half the drayage, and the fact
shows what philanthropic heart you
have got. 1 have no doubt you would
have paid ten had suggested it. The
orphans can never be grateful enough
to you. And now, madam-and now, as
I wish to get to the factory as soon as
possible-and give in the ordeE-and
make the dear children happy-and
good day, madam, good day.'
AS the major talked be stepped Oh
the lady's toes and forced her back
ward, and before she was aware of
the fact she was out in the hall and his
door shut She went downstairs with
a puzzled and disturbed look on her
face and carried it for two blocks.
Then she set her jaw and retraced her
steps. She knocked on the door, but
there was no answer. She put her ear
to the panel and listened, but not a
leaf stirred. She ratified the knob
and put in several kicks, and she
might have pounded with her fists
had not boy come out from an Office
and said;
If you are looking for the grand
promoter you are wasting your time"
s'But he swas here minute ago. He
got 50 srom me-
"Only two? Say, you got off lucky.
He generally gets at least fifty. No
use waiting. He took a skate out the
back way minute before you came
up" NJ. QUAD.