davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Washington herald., 1906-11-06
THE INNOCENT BYSTANDER.
THE PROMINENT CITIZEN.

lie has 10 wear long irock coat
That's buttoned close u9 10 his throat;
His beard must always be IN trim
No rough-and-ready shave for him;
He has TO wear a high silk hat.
II wonder if he sleeps IN JhatD
The Prominent Citizen.
He on the street mast gravely walk:
lie burst not stop 90 stare and talk:
His face must always wear a look
OF one VINO thinks things by the b0oI
Eyeglasses must De on mis- nose.
Il wonder IL Ee sleeps in thOseD
The Prominent Citizen.
Zach week ne must be interviewed.
Must air his thought IN stately mood:
Whcue'er he rides or sits, OF stands.
RE must have gloves upon his hands,
Must lit his gloves and say "Ahem"'
q wonder IF ne sleeps IN themg
The Prominent Citizen.
At public meetings ne must be
Upon the stage. where all may see
That hos prepared 10 stand all tests
on his Thoughts for Our Interests.
He's always at our beck and call.
II wonder if ne sleeps at ain
The Prominent Citizen
His brow IS always deeply lined.
For Public Veal is on his mind.
J wonder why he plays the game.
I wonder what ne thinks Of fame.
Whatever fate may hap 20 me
] pray that ! may never be
A Prominent Citizen.
The Washington herald., 1906-11-06
Tinkering with the English Language.


There is one point in connection with
the subject Of spelling reform which pos
sibly has not received sufficient atten-
tiOn-and that is the effect which the
movement might finally have upon tine
characteristic form and texture of the
English language. To be sure. Brander
Matthews asserts that simpIihed spelling
is to be limited to the elimination of
superfiUOus characters. and does not in
volve phonetic spelling. But the tinker
ing habit is insidious in its growth and
aH-embracing in its scope, and IL the re-
formers may tinker with our orthogra-
ply, what is to prevent their tinkering
with our syntax and prosOdy? Is Prof.
Matthews certain that others would not
bring about stlll further simplihcation
should the proposed change be estab-
lished? And should our vocabulary be at
last thoroughly phoneticized, might not
future refOrmers Of the dryasdust type try
to simplify our forms Of expression, and
In the mad striving after economy of
time and space, make the English Ian
guage a more compact medium of
thought by polishing and refrigerating
it?
The word viewpoint" for instance. is
already taking the place Of the phrase
point Of view" thus deprivine il. in q
measure. Of its original ngurative and mic
tUresque value. And to carry the films
tration further, if the attempt to simplify
and polish should continue, fixed gen
eTal rule may some day make It neces-
saTy for people Of culture to stick closely
TO such forms as 'observation-point. &"
'departure-point" and so on To take
another example we might. in the case
Of the word matter" followed by a
The Washington herald., 1906-11-06
4 Fine Risk. ST. PnuI.

Information CLEANED from the columns
Of an esteemed contemporary leads US
to believe that st. Paul, Mimi. is an ex-
cellent insurance risk. Here it is:
st Paul has the reputation Of being
the healthiest city in the world, and re-
ceived the gold medal at the Paris Ex-
position for health"
1t may not be inapropros to remark
that the Paris Exposition for health was
an unqualified success.
The Washington herald., 1906-11-06
Receipted niIIs nt Last.

From the Catholic Standard and Times.
Hicks-Your wife was telling my wife
that you've got all your Christmas pres
ents paid for.
yesterday
Hicks-LucI1y dog! I haven't even be-
gun to think of the presents I've got TO
buy.
Wicks-Oh! neither have we for this
year. My wife was speaking Of last years
presents"
The Washington herald., 1906-11-06
Commercial.
.dolnhia pnhlic Liz.

From the Philadelphia Public Ledger.
7 see a young man has raised s60. 600 on
bad checks" he remarked. looking I'd
from his paper.
rs that so?f responded his wife. indif-
ferently. I'D call such checks good N.Y.
self"
Then he reflected that she didn't know
much about business. anyhow
The Washington herald., 1906-11-06
Distressing.

From the Philadelphia Press
Tess-And were you really thrown out
Of the auto?
Jess-Tes. right out on the road
Tess-Gracious. You must have felt
awful
Jess-Oh! terrible. just knew that my
hat wasn't on straight, but I had no way
20 TX il
The Washington herald., 1906-11-06
SIsIPLIFIED 1T.

It's al very well 10 talk about simpli-
fed spelling" said Mr.. Fortescue to Mr..
Hough, and no doubt you would be
pleased with your name II it were spelled
H-u-f' but 1 don't see Row mine could
be simplided at all"
Why. your name is the best material
in the world 20 work on. Il could be writ
ten 'XIsQ'"
The Washington herald., 1906-11-06
A Word for Littlcpage.

We regret 10 note the bitter warfare be-
ing waged by the Charleston CW. VaD
News upon Mr.. Adam Littlepage
To Just what office. or place Of political
prominence, Col Littlepage aspires, we
are unable 10 determine, but that he is the
loathed object of profound and erudite ed
itorial effort that harshly cuts and stinrs.
is easily gathered from a perusal of the
columns Of our esteemed but misguided
contemporary. Whence he comes and
whittier he goes. we know not. but that
Col Littepage deserves a place in the an
nails of fame as a friend of the newspaper
man, and especially as an oasis in the
desert Of abbreviated effusions. we are
firmly convinced.
The paragraphic possibilities encom-
passed within the confines Of his name are
many and exact It runs riot through ex-
press companies and profanity to libraries
and messenger boys. There are at least
a hundred ways In which his name may
be turned TO good account, and stiH not
exhaust all the material He is gold
mine Of promise amid a wilderness Of stale
and proftless matter
Such q man deserves not the condemna-
tion Of newspapers Let those of more
ignoble calling who viii scon and sneer
at Littlepage, but the newspa pers should
hail him as a well spring Of pleasure and
an everlasting delight. As Adam was the
first man. so should his latter-day name
sake, Littlepage, lead all the rest. and
serenely abide where pleasant persifage
ab0Unds.
Long live Littlepage, Adam and all. say
we, and plague TO all who would throw
cold water, or printers ink. upon him.
The Washington herald., 1906-11-06

From the Chicago News.
The beautiful girl tiptoed into the libra
ry where her father was reading the
sporting page and nursing a gouty foot
'He-he has come, father" she faltered
Who has Gomez roared the old gen.
tleman
why, Claude"
What! Didn't he promise never to
cross my threshold again?"
'He-he didn't cross your threshold, pa.
He stepped through the trap-door on the
roof You see. he came in his air-ship."
The Washington herald., 1906-11-06
Suburban Bribery.
From Puck

tIOm IIcE
The Local Boss-Now of course, Mr.
Earlytrane. I wouldn't try to influence
you for the world. but this lady is Della
McSlannigan, and If you do vote right.
Della viii go home with you and work
for 80 month Incidentally. she'll
agree 20 stay d year, at least,
The Washington herald., 1906-11-06
Not the Sunshine.

From Army and Navy Life
There was an old man who was charged
with Illicit distilling and was brought up
before the court The judge. who was
witty fellow, asked the prisoner what was
his Christian name The prisoner replied,
Joshua" and the judge answered. Are
you the man that made the sun sinner
and the prisoner replied: NO, sir. your
honor; I'm the one that made the moon
shine
The Washington herald., 1906-11-06
A LITTLE NONSENSE.
soNG oF NEw YoRI<.

AS sure as sin some chap will win in
this cur State to-day.
It may be Hearst: it may be Hughes.
Big bets on both they lay.
We hardly know whom We are for, We
folks Of common clay.
We don't know where were going, But
were on
The Washington herald., 1906-11-06
selfish George.

Just think of it.. Every girl in our
set has been divorced but me"
why. won't George let you have a
divorce"
"Oh, the ninny says he loves me"
The Washington herald., 1906-11-06
-NcarIr, Doesn,t 60.

Il was nearly elected" declared the
losing candidate
But there was none 10 listen.
Running for Office is not Ike search
ing for the pole
The Washington herald., 1906-11-06

Brandy and water are furnished free
to all members Of the Belgian Congress
who deliver long speeches. We shud-
der to think of the size Of the Congress
sional Record if any such idea as that
ever prevails in this country.
The Washington herald., 1906-11-06

Congressman lands remarked the
other day, The Lord was the first protec-
tionist." Then Adam, and not Thomas
Jefferson, invented the Democratic party.
The Washington herald., 1906-11-06
WHY OUR LIVES ARE SHORTER.
Despite Modern Sanitation We Die
Earlier Than Our Grandparents.

john Y. Shoemaker In the Reader.
IN Part I Of the third volume Of the
United States Census for 1900 win be found
a tabulated statement which shows In a
very striking way the rise in the death
rate during the decade from 1890 to 1850
for ali ages from sixty UP. The figures
given are now six years old. and so I have
brought them down 10 date. With the help
Of fresh Information. from Washington-a
matter Of no little Importance inasmuch
as the increase has been marked ever
since 1890. Thus corrected for accuracy,
the reckoning shows that since. 1880 there
has been this increase in the death rate
for the entire United States.
The Washington herald., 1906-11-06

According TO Anthony Comstock. Adam
hid behind the skirts of Eve" Since
Mr.. COmstOck has made that discovery
we cannot help thinking what a lot of
trouble would have been saved if Eve
had only stuffed that apple core in her
pocket.
The Washington herald., 1906-11-06

A Kansas farmer who has been dis
playing some cornstalks from his farm
bearing six ears each says he isn't
bOthering about tariff reform Shucksi
We should say not!
The Washington herald., 1906-11-06
Not Entirely WorthIes.

What can you say for this man?"
His character IS 50. 50"
Does he ever look for work."
NO; but I've known times when he
didn't dodge
The Washington herald., 1906-11-06

Norfolk is disposed to complain be
cause a quorum is never present on city
council meeting night. II does look like
even Norfolk would recognize a blessing
so thinly disguised as that,
The Washington herald., 1906-11-06

Even If that turkey the President
brought home with him was not really
a wild one we hope it had the good taste
20 look just as wild as possible when the
President came into view.
The Washington herald., 1906-11-06

Kaiser Wilhelm has started a movement
for taxing cats. Good idea; especially
the prima dOnnas and the basso pro-
fundos who indulge in grand opera after
dark.
The Washington herald., 1906-11-06

The Atlanta Constitution doubts the
usefulness OF the Georgia railroad COM
mission. Hoke Smith found il pretty
useful as a door mat when walking into
the executive mansion
The Washington herald., 1906-11-06

incidentally. 1t will also be quite re-
lief to Vesuvius to know that Il will no
longer have TO stand for daily compari-
sons Of its mUd-slinging abilities with
those of New York politicians
The Washington herald., 1906-11-06
A. He Lit.

Have you noticed that succession Of
heavy jars lately?"
Yes. Is 1t earthquakes"
That's Taft fitting from town 10
town"
The Washington herald., 1906-11-06

In fixing Thanksgiving Day just TWEEN
ty-three days after the New York cleo
ton. Mr.. Roosevelt probably intended for
Us to tell politics 'skidoO" for one day az
least
The Washington herald., 1906-11-06

over In Pennsylvania there are eleven
reform tickets running against the
men who already have the offices.
The Washington herald., 1906-11-06

These figures tell the story more clear
" than the most eloquent discourse on the
subject They show that. notwithstanding
improved medical knowledge and the ben
erts OF modern sanitation. we are dying
earlier than our grandparents did. The
reason why offers topic for a consider
able discussion. and il is not to be summed
up in a word. but one may discover il
without much difficulty in the more COM
pick and luxurious life that we lead The
lives Of our fOTebears were comparatively
simple and their constitutions. unweak-
ened by the luxury and intense nervous
strain Of an existence like that Of to-day.
were stronger than ours and better able
10 withstand the approaches Of disease.
The Washington herald., 1906-11-06

Both Hearst and Hughes have ardent
views they hope TO put in play.
That is. the man proposes to who grasps
the wreath OF bay.
We hardly know what these views are
for which wen have 70 pay.
We don't know where we're going, BUT
were on
The Washington herald., 1906-11-06

We note that Hon. Able Evans is do
ing some mighty work for Democ-
racy out in Utah; in fact. the tone
of the Republican press indicates that
he is raising Cain out that way.
The Washington herald., 1906-11-06
pnnr Man

Are they worthy objects OF charity
Rather. The father is a life insurance
agent"
The Washington herald., 1906-11-06

The governor Of Nebraska has sold the
executive bath tub and announced his
candidacy for reelection. Selling your
bath tub in Nebraska IS equivalent TO
burning your bridges behind you.
crossing the Rubic0rn," and such
familiar CONCESSIONS
The Washington herald., 1906-11-06

Something will have to be done to
distract the attention Of those women
'suffragettes' in England, even II Par
lament has TO pass a law compelling
monthly millinery openings.
The Washington herald., 1906-11-06

Straws may show which way the wind
blows, but it's hard to tell the right
direction by observing New York's two
Straus
The Washington herald., 1906-11-06

An Indian preacher has arranged to de-
liver his own funeral sermon by means Of
q ph0nograph Sort of a literal adaptation
Of the indea expressed in the old hymn
"Hark. from the tomb. a doleful sound -
The Washington herald., 1906-11-06
way

Both Hughes and Hearst have roundly
cursed throughout the bitter fray,
And each has placed before our eyes Of
facts long array.
But what their facts and figures mean
not one OF us can say.
We don't know where were going, But
We're on
our
The Washington herald., 1906-11-06

Tomorrow will decide for New Workers
whether 10 be thankful for the turkey.
or just thankful that the crow isn't any
larger
The Washington herald., 1906-11-06

Mr.. Bryan is also for Mr. Hearst, but
the latter probably is thankful that Mr.
Bryan has no Secretary Of State 10 prove
il by
The Washington herald., 1906-11-06

still the fact that France has eight
newspaper men IN her new cabinet does
not mean that the President of France
gets any more free newspaper advice
than our President.
The Washington herald., 1906-11-06

This is the day for the silent vote" TO
make noise IN New York that viii be
heard above all the din
The Washington herald., 1906-11-06

Mud baths may be, as physicians say.
a specific for hysteria; but we hardly
see why New York should take the
treatment in such heroic style.
The Washington herald., 1906-11-06

In Sweden the passenger depots are pro-
vided with beds. Evidently Swedish
schedules are run on the American plan
The Washington herald., 1906-11-06

An Omaha man has been arrested for
stealing a tiger. MI Croker seems %
want Mr.. Hearst arrested for assault
with intent to do the same thing.
The Washington herald., 1906-11-06

Only the counting of the ballots can
determine whether or not the New York
common people" are as foolish as the
cartoonists make them appear
The Washington herald., 1906-11-06

When the poor old Tammany tiger
notes the numerous tanners standing
around. he must wonder why In the world
he didn't skip that last drink, anyhow
The Washington herald., 1906-11-06

II Count Boni lived IN the kingdom Of
AMMAN. he would probably be created
nothing less than a Royal Highness.
The Washington herald., 1906-11-06

If We are to believe some Of our Phila-
delphla contemporaries. "the gang Ger
tainly ought 10 be made 10 walk the
plank
The Washington herald., 1906-11-06

The contest between Davenport and
Opper is also pretty fierce.
The Washington herald., 1906-11-06

The new Spanish battle ships are to
closely follow American models. No
doubt about IL. Experience Is the best
teacher
The Washington herald., 1906-11-06

Peary got within 2o3 miles OF the pole,
which is probably near enough for all
practical purposes.
The Washington herald., 1906-11-06

According TO the Cleveland Leader. NO
other city in the world lies so far above
the level of the sea as Chicago" Still
the altitude Of some of those New York
campaign stories is hard TO outclass.
The Washington herald., 1906-11-06
PEOPLE OF NOTE.
Heney as a Prosecutor.

Heney as a Prosecutor.
The district attorney at San Francisco
has employed Francis J. Heney as a
special assistant TO prosecute the official
harpies and other grafters now preyiHg
upon that sorely stricken city. Mr.. Heney
was FIRST brought into national promi-
neBce by his prosecution Of the big land
grafters on the Pacific Coast He was
practicing law at Tucson, AriZ., when the
then Attorney General Philander G
Knox. selected him for this really heroic
work. A Kentuckian by birth, he had
gone to California when a mere boy
and having fallen a victim to lung
trouble, he sought the healing air Of
Arizona He became attached to that
Territory, and served it enc term as
attorney general 1t was this service
which attracted the attention Of the De-
partmont Of Justice in Washington. When
nc took charge Of the prosecution for the
government OF the big land-grabbers. it
was predicted BY those who did not
know him that he would fail But Attor-
| ney General Knox knew better From
the first he predicted that Heney would
achieve great results. He tackled single
handed a system Of gigantic graft that
was backed by a large part Of the po-
litical, business. and social structure Of
the great empire that lies along the Pa
cifc Coast. that had ramihcations in
Federal. State. and county Offices through
out that section, and that even was in
/ trenched in high places in Washington.
He prosecuted TO conviction and sentenc-
ing 10 prison one United States Senator
two members Of the House Of Represent
atives, the president and two other mem
bers OF the Oregon senate; a receiver Of
a government land Office. two United
States land commissioners. a special
agent Of the land office. the mayor Of Al
b2ny Greg. and several OF the big land
kings of California and oregon.
To Succeed Mr. Hoar.
Following closely upon the death Of the
Hon. lockwood Hoar. the Republicans
Of the Third Massachusetts district have
now nominated for Congress a Harvard
classmate Of President Roosevelt. Chas.
9. Washburn. Mr. washburn is one Of
the Presidents real intimates and has
frequently been a private guest at the
White House during the past five years
He is member Of the famous Washburn
family that until very recently has had
representatives Of distinction in national
life from various parts Of the country.
Branches Of the family have served Ill
nois and Minnesota with great renOwn in
the Senate and other high posts The
district in which Mr. Wash5urn has been
nominated IS normally Democratic, hav-
ing been represented in the House for
several consecutive terms by the schol-
arly Mr.. Thayer. who voluntarily re-
tired from public life. II is the hope Of
the Republicans that their candidate will
be substantially aided in this contest by
his well-known intimacy with the Presi-
den:.
The Washington herald., 1906-11-06

Count Boni de CastelIane has achieved
one triumph-he is even worse than any
one gave him credit for.
The Washington herald., 1906-11-06

The Charleston News and Courier de-
clares that Senator Tillman has batter
Whangcd' the newspapers of mis- own
State for sixteen years. We do not know
exactly what that means. but il sounds
like something Senator Tillman might
do to the queens taste.
The Washington herald., 1906-11-06

Lieut.. Peary telegraphs: Roosevelt
magnificent Ice fighter" We hope this
isn't intended as a dig AT Mr. Fairbanks.
The Washington herald., 1906-11-06
HEARD AT HOTELS.


In eonversing with Washington
Herald reporter. at the Raleigh last even
ing, Mr Ed Baxter. Of Nashville. whose
standing is second to that Of no lawyer
in the South, said:
This election IN New York Is OF but
little partisan significance. but its mean
ing appeals 10 thinking men Of all parties.
To nay mind, SIR. Hearst represents ali
that Is bad in modern politics At the
same time. II New York. the leading
State In wealth. and with its millions Of
intelligent people is willing 10 accept
Hearst and ali he stands for. perhaps the
rest Of the nation can endure it, Maybe
Il his sort Of leadership is what the peo-
pie desire. II might be as well to try It
now as az any future time. II We are
10 go through with an era Of communism
the sooner It Is entered upon the better
DO you expect to see the present wane
Of radicalism recedeZ"
That is a difficult question to answer.
In my day the dearest principle Of the
Democratic party was strict adherence 10
the doctrine Of Dir. Jefferson. that the best
government was that which governed
i1@9e- Wv it seems tndt tnl6 ancient
faith has been discarded. We are told IN
all seriousness that there should be a limit
placed on the amount Of money citizen
could acquire. 7 ask what limit? One
man will say $4,000. another $4,000.
third Sl@.co, and so in a descending scale
until we get 70 the Weary Willies, who
would never accumulate l00 cents, and
from them will come a laundering chorus
that the wealth Of any man I'm excess OF
81 600 should be put in a common jackpot
and distributed among all the people Of
the United States Here We have the
glorious communistic idea in all its sweet
scented perfection, as shown forth in the
propaganda Of Hearst and others OF even
great renown. II the American people are
willing TO accept il, on them rests the re-
sponsibility." D."
The Washington herald., 1906-11-06
EARLY.

No matter how
Elections go.
I'll say right now !.
Il told you so.
The Washington herald., 1906-11-06
Love viii Find n wax

Copyright, 1905, by W. D. Nessit.l
The Mitchell capital. (Mitchell, Dakota [S.D.]) 1879-1918, 1906-12-14
Miners PRACTICALLY
GET THEIR DEMANDS
Homestake Superintendent Of
fers to Grant 8-Hour Day
Under Ground.

Lead, S. D., Dec. 13.-There will bs
no strike at Homestake. II. G. Grier,
superintendent of the mine, announced
that the eight-hour day will be granted.
Secretary Ryan, of the miners union.
was summoned to a conference With
Mr.. Grier and the news was then made
public. The men will go to work at
1850 o'clock in the morning, be allowed
half an hour at noon and will
come off at 4:3O p. m. The night
shift men will be given the same hours.
This regulation applies only to under
ground men, for whom the demands
had been made. The concession is sat
isfactory to all, and the miners have
called special meeting to modify the
demands hitherto made. No news has
ever been so gladly received through
out the entire Black Hills country.
This puts the Black Hills into the list
of eight hour camps and assures sat-
isfactory labor conditions in the fu-
tura-