davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-07-18
QUAKER REFLECTIONS
IFrom the Philadelphia Record

The rural drama must have plot.
even though It be only a grass plot.
Time is money, which is probably
the reason some people spend it so
foolishly.
The successful man not only takes
advantage of his opportunities; he
originates them.
Somehow or other the Iuxuries Of
life seem so much more important
than the necessities.
Few men appreciate their happiness
have to look back on it.
When q fellow elopes with a girl in
his auto he shouldn't have any trouble
raising the dust to get married.
Youth is ambitious to write IFS name
on the scroll of fame. but old age is
satisfied with the bottom of check.
No woman can be said to be happily
married unless she has had the pleas
ure of rejecting two or three previous
offers.
Sillicus4"Do you believe the good
die young?" Cynicus-s'Weli. IFS a
problem to know whether they die
young, or outgrow it
Tommy" Pop. what is mono
logue ?" Tommy's Pop-''A mono
logue, my son, is conversation a wo-
man carries on with her husband
The patient had just paid his bill.
And now" suggested the doctor,
shall take your temperature % GU
might as well. replied the patient.
That's about all I've got left"
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-07-18

dark room and felt for the matches
some one clapped a hand over her
mouth and tossed her on to the bed and
mad her bound hand and foot and gae-
ged with a towel before she understood
what was taking place. Then the gas
vas IT. the door locked and the Tin
horn man quickly said:
you make fool OF yourself I'll
choke the life out of you by way OF
tnat serawny neck of yours
II was easy TO see that she wanted
70 speak IN reply, and for her benefit
he explained:
I'm after those sparkles in your ears
and on your fingers and also what cash
you have lying around
With her eyes she protested against
this specimen of human gratitude He
understood and laughed and said:
You are l1omely enough to stop a
clock, and the idea of your wearing
diamonds is absurd. Take snooze now
while I runmage about
Her trunk was not locked. From it
he took $500 in cash and other fewe1rv
From about her neck he took q long
chain and fine watch. From her ears
he took diamond pendants. and from
her fingers he roughly pulled her rings
She tried to yell, but the towel muffIed
her voice. She tried to scratch, but
her hands were tied with cords he had
provided for the purpose. She tried to
kick, but her ankles were dashed fast
and the effort was ret &. success
Take it easy, old gal" laughed Tin
Horn Il thought you had the disposi-
ton of a kitten, but I see you are an
old cat Let me see? I have watch.
rings, earrings and money. I don't
think there is anything else to take
away. Your dresses would be no good,
because they are last years style. Yes,
I think this is all and ] viii now de-
scend by the fire-escape and leave you
TO figure 1t cut. Excuse me while I tie
your ankles to the bedpost I can't have
you rolling off and giving the alarm too
soon. So long to you. old gal, and don't
let this little episode discourage you
from reforming the remainder OF the
world
They found her after a time, but Miss
Shefflin was no longer a pnilanthroplst.
She was simply q very mad old maid.
Copyright, 1906. by ". R. Caldwell.)
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-07-18
The Eagles Weren.t Birds.

Half a dozen animal dealers rushed
to the dock of the White Star steamer
Teutonic yesterday morning with wal
let's bulging in anticipation of a lively
struggle in bidding for "thirty-flve
cages of eagles which were listed
among the liners cargo, says the New
York Times
Got to get about forty of those
eagles said one dealer to another.
Good business in eagles on Broadway
just now"
Sure said the other. .'the eagle
market is dead ripe
They nosed about the dock and final
~ found the purser.
How about those birds?" asked
one.
What birds" asked the purser.
Those eagles said the dealers.
"Oh! yes, the eagles said the pur-
ser. with a laugh They're cuckoos.
all right. Come on, I'll show you some
Of EN-"
He took the dealers inside and
showed them thirty-ffve strong boxes
loaded with gold eagles.
Gentlemen. their face value is ST.
00,000," said the purser. with a wink.
Now go ahead and bid The dealers
vanished.
The confusion arose because the
money had been listed as cages" in
stead of eases" It was a shipment of
gold for the Hanover National bank
from Liverpool.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-07-18
HUMOR OF TIE DAY

Mrs. Flip-I have just been talking to
specialist, and he says my brain vifaIi-
~ has all gone to my long hair. Do you
F'iip-WelI. er-I knew it had gone.-
Detroit Free Press.
Doesn't It give you a nervous feeling
to be one of thirteen at a table?'
Well, It gave me worse than q ner-
vous feeling once"
What was that?'
Hunger. There wasn't enough for US
Philadelphia Press.
shall I enter up the 1000 thai your old
loss2 80
Employer-No. charge it to running ex-
penses.-Fliegende Batter.
The typewriter girl we have now said
Merchant, can rattle things off the ma
chine as fast as fellow can talk
DO you mean to say she can take
down remarks as fast as any one can
II said as fast as any fellow can talk.
She can't do It as fast as she can talk. -
Philadelphia Press.
May Roxley cat telephone)-That you.
jack You know you promised you'd
speak to father today
Jack Lovett.Yes. I--er..spoke to him
May Roxley-Oh. what did he saw
Jack Lovett-YV hy-er-I didn't wait to
hear all of it-Catholic Standard and
Times.
"Arabella," called the father from the
mead Of the stairs. is that young man
YES Yes. father. Completely. ~-Milwaukss
He-Yes. always sleep in gloves; keeps
your hands SO soft.
She-Really: and do you sIeep in vol1r
NAT, 100 E-LOndOn TatIer.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-07-18
THE KANSAS LUNCHES.

The prompt action on the part of
Secretary Crumbine, OF the State Board
of Health, to secure sanitary conditions
around slaughter houses in Kansas is
to be be commended. It was only a
few days ago that DR.. Crumbine's at
tention was called to one of these
slaughter houses, and his instructions
to county health boards imme diately
followed
The move against the Kansas jun
giles" started at Wellington. A. A.
Richards, well known in Kansas poll
tics, did a little job of undertaking
through his paper. the wellington
Mail With the commissioners and
county health officers of Sumner coun-
ty. Mr.. Richards made an investigation
of the slaughter houses at which the
local meat supply was killed. At the
/ largest esta blishment-which was also
the transformation were so bad that
one member of the Investigating COM
mittee lost his breakfast. The descrip-
ton published by Mr.. Richards was
almost too bad to appear in the public
prints yet DR.. Crumbine says it was
not as bad as conditions warranted
and Dr. Crumbine did not see the
place till after an attempt had been
made to clean it.
But Mr.. Richards little job of muck
raking was effective. It started the
house-cleaning among the big packing
houses.
It is not to be presumed that there
are any great number Of slaughter
houses In Kansas surrounded by such
conditions as those that prevailed at
Wellington, but it is quite probable
that all of them can be greatly inn
proved. BY all means, let US have
clean slaughter houses. There Is no
reason why we should not, out here on
these boundless prairies, where We
have an abundance Of room. =
Besides. it is somewhat unseemiy for
Kansas to throw stones at the Chicago
packing houses for putting up bad
meat for eastern people. when the
slaughter houses in little Kansas towns
are surrounded by vile conditions, and
when unhealthy meat is sold to kan
sas people.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-07-18
JOURNAL ENTRIES

We can breathe easier now The
war" in which four or five persons in
Central America were engaged, Is over.
X =
Any item with the word Evelyn
In it looks interesting to a good many
people nowadays.
X X
In order to properly identify him the
new husband of the famous actress
should be known as Mr.. Leslie Carter.
X
This is really the open season for
Elks in Colorado. At least those who
are attending the Denver convention
will probably make it so-as wide open
as possible
London tailors are panied because of
the fit of Mr. Bryan's American clothes.
Ever notice what joy. forever, IN the
matter of fit, London clothes amt?
Among the other unimportant an
nouncements is the one that J. G.
Phelps Stokes has become a Social
ist.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-07-18
Just a Mistake.

The steam schooner. a vessel whose
build and habits are peculiar to the Pa
cifie, often goes to sea with her load
line over her hatch Which means that.
after her hold has been crammed with
cargo, a deckload of lumber is piled
halfway up the nlasts, so that her skip
per puts out with the water washing
greer. over his main deck, and an oc-
casionaI comber frisking across his bat
tened matches. Along the harbor front
of Seattle runs the story of a passenger
who Hoped down to the wharf in hurry
to get aboard a departing steam schoon-
er. He balanced himself on the string
piece for an instant, looked down at
what little he could see of the laden
craft, and hove his gripsack down the
only opening in sight. He was about to
dive after it when lounger on the
wharf shouted.
Hi. there Where do you think you're
junpin' to? That's the smokestack you
tossed your baggage down"
stH-ll'' gasped the passenger, II
thought it was the hatch THE Argo-
naut
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-07-18
= - 7s77-7--7---7@
POINTED PARAGRAPHS.

TF'rom the Chicago News.1
It is foolish for a man to kick him
self when he's down.
A pessimist is a man who thinks other
men are as cranky as he is.
Milk Of human kindness is never run
through cream separator.
Don't expect to tower above your
neighbors by standing on your dignity.
Many a man begins his charity at
home by cutting down his wife's allow
ance
Still water doesn't always run deep.
There is the stagnant pond, for in-
stance.
Students in the school of experience
are handed their diplomas by the I'M
dertaker.
Even the girl with dreamy eyes is
apt to be wide awake to her matrimon-
iaI chances.
Even the girls father might overlook
a young mans shortcomings If It wasn't
for his long stayings.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-07-18
How EIizur Wright Made Ldfe-Insur-
ance Safe.

Wright, apparently alone of all men
in his generation, saw where this
would end. He also pointed out the
obvious remedy. He showed that the
amounts deducted from each premium
for reserve purposes were matters OF
precise mathematical calculation.
Given a certain number of policies, of
certain ages and fixed premiums, he
could readily figure the total amount
which must be laid aside each year
requiring all companies to maintain
these reserves Why not place the en-
forcement of this law in the hands of
an insurance commission, which should
make this annual calculation? Wright
preached this reform with his usual
enthusiasm. He was generally r1diculed
and opposed. He was told that his
scheme was impossible because of the
enormous labor involved. Wright ap-
peared before the Massa chusetts legis-
lature year after year, only to be jeered
at and fnsulted. But he was one of
those cranks who could not be brow
beaten nor laughed down. He was en-
gagged in what he regarded as a sa-
cred task: lobbying for the widow
and orphan And, almost by acct
dent, his bill slipped through. He had
been especially annoying all through
the session of 1858. AS usual, his gaunt
figure and his remarkable mathemati-
cal discussions provoked only mirth. In
sy prevailed almost as generally as
now. It SO happened that one mem
Der, who had been converted by
Wright had asked no favors that year.
His friends finally rallied him about
1t. We'll, Fabens," they said, you
have asked nothing; what can we do
for your" Quick as a flash he an
swered: Pass Wright's BILL In a
moment the thing was done Wright,
who, as usual was proving around
the state house in the interest of his
favorite measure. quickly heard the
news. He took the bill. rushed it over
to the House, and, in the last few min
It through. Then Wright took Il up 10
Governor Banks. and refused to leave
his presence until the measure was
signed.
In this haphazard fashion was
American life insurance placed upon
solid basis=Burton Hendrfclx in fine
June McClure's
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-07-18

The census taher knocked at the little
farm house door, and opened his book,
says the Minneapolis Journal. A young,
rosy-cheeked girl of about Is years
came out and blinked at him stupidity.
How many people stay in this
house?'' he began.
I'VE don't stay here all the time: we
only stay here during the hot season, .
answered the girl.
We'll. how many people are there?"
Father is in the woodshed, baby is
in the cradle, John the hired man is in
the barn milking the COW, and
See here, my girl, I want to know
how many people there are in the house
How many people slept here last
night?"
Il had the toothache dreadful, brother
VIII had the stomach ache from eating
so many sour apples, mother had head
ache, and our hired man John has been
burned by the sun so badly that his
back is covered with blisters the size
of eggs. and we all took on so bad that
nobody could Sleep
The census talxer walked away unsat-
fsf1ed.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-07-18
REFLECTIONS OF A BACHELOR.
IFrom the New York Press

lFrom the New York Press
If it cost more money not to smoke
than IT do It, it would be easier to
swear off.
A girl seems to think it's a disgrace
to her not to say she has Tilted three
or four hundred men,
There is hardly anything as hard as
making a woman believe you love her
when she knows you really do.
No matter how thick they are, if you
tell woman her ankles twinkle she
will never believe anything bad she
hears about YOU
It's mighty comfortable feeling to
come home at o'clock in tbs morn
ing and know your wife is sound asleep
away Ia the mountains.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-07-18
OVER TIE TEACrPs.

Over her teacup she winks at me
Lass with the golden tresses;
The CLINT of the skies is In her eyes,
The rose her fair cheek presses.
Witehery lies meath her arching brows,
Mischief IS in her smiling,
And prey am I when she winkS her eye
Over her cup, beguiling-
Over her teacup she winks at me,
Setting my heart a-flutter.
And the dream l dream is the sweetest
dream
That tongue or pen can utter.
A sly coquette, this winsome lass,
With ways 1 fear are flirty,
But what does 1t uatter2 She's only i've
While II am five and thirty.
Milwaukee Sentinel
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-07-18
I'LL LEASED WIRE REPORT
or THE ASSOCIATED PRESS
HOME NEWS WHILE away.

Subscribers OF the State journal
aevgaz during The summer may have
the paper mailed regularly each day
80 any address at ~ rate OF ten cents
4 week or thirty cents a month (by
mail only. Address changed as often
aa desired. While ont OF town the
state Journal win be TO you like a
daily letter from home.
Advance payment Is requested on
these short time subscriptions, to save
bookkeeping expense.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-07-18
HOcH AND KELLY.

The staid and sober Lawrence Journal.
thoroughly Republican, administers this
mild rebuke to the state treasurer:
Tom Kelly is not fair in eriticising
Hoch. The governor has been his friend
Did he not instruct that suit be brought
on claim that everybody knew could
nos be enforced2 Did he not studiousIy
overlook the things that were seriously
charged against Kelly?"
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-07-18

The Atchison Globe continues to be
curious. kansas it says, has paid
out something like $4,000 to find out
that the state owed State Treasurer
kelly $40 What the people would
IKE 10 know IS who IS the mysterious
4. n. Brown who turned money back
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-07-18

The Kansas city Star is becoming
altogether too facetious. 1t quotes
Governor Hoch's statement, IT want
enforcement all along the line" and
then it asks: Does the governor for
set that Leavenworth, Atchison and
FORT Scott are also along the line 2
And if the law is enforced an along
the line, why not enforce it in the in
4ssio-7.1
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-07-18
what Did the Cook say?

One Of the state LEGISLATORS entered
an Albany restaurant last evening and
ordered a porterhouse steak. When
the portion arrived it did not quite
appeal to him as being sufficiently
cooked. He called the waiter Would
you kindly take this back to the cook
and tell him to broil it a little more -
sure replied he of the white
coat This is how the polite request
was handed to the cook:
ssay. Bill. that fat guy backed
away from this piece of horse. He
wants a little more fire on 1t. or it's all
up with you and your little pots Get
a move on or you'll have him butting
in here and calling you by your real
name. See albany Journal.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-07-18

Why does not Mr.. stubbs also ask
q legislative candidates are in favor of
a law to compel the chairmen of poll
tical committees to publish their cam
paign contributions?
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-07-18

II san Salvador and Honduras want
TO see what real war looks like, let
them come up and gaze down on the
Kaw Valley near Fort Riley few
lNaeks hence
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-07-18

Thanks to Philadelphia and Bos-
ton" says the Wichita Eagle, Chicago
has escaped for the moment from the
burning lens Of public attention. But
the Eagle will note that Pittsburg has
MT l1ean eclinsad
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-07-18

The wheat is turning out far better
than was expected. Now ST the corn
crop will kindly treat us to the same
sort of a surprise party, Kansas win be
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-07-18

No-Pyrle Daiesye dear-signs and
dreams and such things cannot always
be relied upon. While it's fact that
Governor Hoch was swimming in tears
Of gratitude when renominated by the
recent Republican railroad convention,
and that Senator Harris was calmly
rant at the time the people of Kansas
called him. this does not exactly inol-
cate that when the smoke clears away
Hoch viii be in the swim and Harris
man you speak of may have been rest
less" and much confused while boat
ing with you that evening. and may
have acted queer" we would not con-
slider this a sure sign that he is about
to propose. It might have been only
some chiggers.-Kingman Journal
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-07-18

It appears that the injunction ma
chine wasn't in working order when
tho case of the French Lick Springs
hotel came up in Indiana the other
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-07-18

Dreyfus better take warning from
other popular heroes and not let any
one give him d house when he isn't
looking
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-07-18

That sound that you hear-that is
the applause that the world is giving
France for settling the Dreyfus case
right at last
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-07-18

Now that Kansas avenue is really to
be paved. one can almost believe that
Kansas City will sometime get its new
union depot.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-07-18

Speaking Of Changed conditions, j."
note this comment of the Washington
Star: Some Republican are already
looking around for a man to beat Bry-
an. And there was time when it was
thought that anybody could beat him. =
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-07-18

You would doubtless be surprised to
learn Of the large number of people
IN this home of the brave and land of
the free who are already aspiring for
a term as postmaster under President
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-07-18

One of the issues in this campaign
may yet be, rs or is not Governor
E5och entitled to any credit for closing
the joints in Kansas City. Kan. %
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-07-18

The audience will now rise and give
three cheers for Secretary Crumbine
of the State Board of Health. We
want no jungles in Kansas.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-07-18

That ice man who made only s45.-
600 in one year on an investment of
$500. probably complained because it
wasn't all profit
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-07-18

Very likely Mr.. Fairbanks thinks
that Secretary Taft is entirely too fat
to make q good race in 1908.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-07-18

John Sharp Williams has also climb
ed into the Bryan band wagon.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-07-18

New Mexico appears to have swiped
california's supply of earthquakes.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-07-18

A mob of 1000 people tried to lynch
a negro in Indianapolis by way of
Sunday night amusement. but Con-
gresham Crumpaeker, of that state. is
too busy trying to revolutionize race
conditions in the south to worry about
a mere incident at DEMONSTRATING
ham News
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-07-18

AS we understand It. the Topeka lid
was beginning to rattle too much on
its hinges to suit Chief Donovan.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-07-18

Where. by the way. is Secretary Taft
10 make his next keynote speech?
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-07-18

Topeka is doing very well as sum-
mer resort thus far. thank you.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-07-18

Another joke is that Central American
pssr-ar
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-07-18
ER0N OTHER PENS

THE WORLD GROWING BETTER.
There always have been and always
will be instances of yiciousness and
depravity in every city. When vice and
crime and wickedness and shame and
sorrow have been eliminated from the
world we will have entered upon the
millennium and the preachers will be
without jobs. But because there are
some bad people In a city is by no
means proof that all the people in the
city are bad. The truth is that the
mass of the people is becoming bet
ter all the time. There is less vice to-
day than there was half a century ago.
The evolution of civilization goes for
ward all the time, never backward.
The sins of the few should not be
charged against the many.-Savanna
News.