davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1906-04-05
OCCUPATIONS IN PARIS.
People of Title in Reduced Circum'
stances Scheme for
Livelihood.

Society in all cosmopolitan cities is
mystery, and in Paris more so than
elsewhere. Titles grow here over night.
Dukes and counts, princes and princesses
arrive from nobody knows where, start
large establishments, entertain and get
everything on credit, says writer in the
London King.
One day there comes crash. And
their downfall is watched with a grim
smile by some of the members of the
old aristocratic families who have
been occasionally asked if they know
a Marquis d'Angelys or Count Kol-
wski.
An industry, and lucrative one, is
run on artistic lines, and successfully
practiced by titled mOndaine. This
lady has an old mansion in the most
ings are of the eleventh century; the
pictures are portraits of her ancestors
by old masters.
This makes an ideal background for
her trade; for she is in league with
dealers, who place here and there in
good positions a doubtful Greuze or o
pseudo Vatican.
The victims are admitted to ma
dame receptions and admire, and
somehow or other get to know that
they may make an offer for some OF
the u easures. 1t is said that the
carvings from mantlepiece to ceiling
have been sold over and over again,
and that a very good income is de-
rived from the pictures.
And the society matrimonial broker!
The penniless viscount is in search OF
money I'll regild his furnished escutch-
con. while Mile. Durand, or Duval,
the daughter of a retired tradesman,
seeks a coronet for her pillow. The
society broker brings them together
in her salon and touches a handsome
commission when the affair is settled.
These are specialists. but everybody
cannot BIS a specialist. 1t requires
years OF practice. a well-known name
and a large clientele, to carry on
prosperous trade.
These women are the Rothschilds of
the profession. and are envied by the
smaller fry. whom / may term as
commission Processes, who, having
no speciality, operate generally.
They introi uce their acquaintance
to drossmakers, milliners, carriage
makers, ETC., who all know that the
Countess x, or Nine. j is to be
credited with ten per cent. commission
on all articles bought.
They also levy contributions on res
taurants, dentists, and know of a
case where a lady squeezed a COM
mission out of the vestry board CT
one of the richest churches for the
celebration of converts wedding.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1906-04-05

seen them pOunce on IL, and bite 1t and
tear it up, and then the hornets woke
up. and they didn't do thing to that
grand hailing sign OF distress, and
howled pitiful, and The lion raised up
his head and looked ut them through
the bars as though he was saying, in a
snarling way, What you grave rob-
hers bowling about? Can't you keep
still and let the car OF all the animals
enjoy his after dinner nap?"
Just then the hyenas kicked what
vas left of the hornets nest under the
bars into his side of the cage. and he
put his foot on it and growled. and
about hundred hornets gave him his.
He gave an Abyssinian cough that
woke all the animals. and then the
hornets scattered and before l knew
it the zebraS were .iancing a snake
dance and all of them were bowling
as though they were IN the ark. hun
cry, and the ark had landed on Mount
AIarat.
Just then one of the assistant mana
gers beckoned to me TO lead in my
procession and we lighted the cam
dles in our Chinese lanterns. / didn't
stop to see how the animals got along
with the hornets, but l couldn't help
thinking that if one hornets nest
could raise such row. what would q
hundred or so do when we got to going
III the other tent?
Oh, if / had only aied when was
young, / never would have witnessed
that sight. The band played, ssThere'n
be a Hot Time in tina Old Town To-
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1906-04-05
REVENCED ON THE JUDGE.
Rubber in the Turkish Bath Evened
Up the Score with His
Honor"

In ordinary life he was a very inn
portant person. In short, he was Judge
relates the Chicago journal. But, alas!
his liver got out of order, just the same
as if he had been an ordinary mortal, and
4 brother luminary had advised him to
take Turkish bath. 1t was luxury he
had not previously INDUCED in, and he
noticed that the rubber was terribly
rough. However, he patiently endured
being punched, slapped and assaulted I'M
til he could stand the torture no longer
'Is--it-qui- Unnecessary to-ma-ke
me--black- and-blue- all-over?" painted
his lordship.
Never you mind; you're all right" re-
sponded the rubber, redoubhng his energy
and grinning diabolically.
''Who (slap, groan) are (thud, groan)
your gasped the judge, horrible susp-
cion dawning in his mind. Your (whacll,
groan) face does (whack, groan) look fla
(groan) -miliar" (swish, groan).
20, you remember me, do your" growled
the rubber, sarcastically. We'll, blow your
old hide, mebbe you'd like to have the
chance to send me up for six months again
for prizetightin'! Whoosh!"
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1906-04-05

might get into fight, but said what
If they did, we wouldn't be to blame
Let 'em fight if they want TO, and we
can see fair play.
So they all agreed that pa and
should go to Atlanta ahead, and or
sanize the political professions, and
gay, we had such lime that the cir
Gus came near never getting out of the
town alive. We oyerdid the thing so
they wanted to lynch me, and pa want
81 70 help.
The way it was was this way: Pa
was to organize the white men for
Bryan. and was to organize the ne
groes for Roosevelt, and we went to
work and bought 600 Chinese lanterns,
and pa stored his half of the lanterns
N a barn on the circus lot and stored
mine in another barn owned by ne
grc that 1 gave five dollars to be my
assistant, with promise that he
should have a job travelling with the
show. to milk the sacred COW. 1 told
this negro what the program was, and
that | wanted 200 negroes who had an
smbition to be politicians, and hold
Office. and | would not only pass them
into the show free, sit see that they
got a permanent Office. What we
had got to do, said, was to stampede
the white procession, that would be led
b.. pa, and the way to do it was for
every negro in my party to skirmish
around in the woods and find a hor-
-.et@s nest and hrincr ir RI orr harm
and fit it into one OF the Chinese lam
terms, and fix candle OF top of the
nest. while the hornets were asleep.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1906-04-05

Then when we met The Bryan process
sion we were to shout and wave our
lanterns, and If necessary to whack
the white men over the head with the
lantern with the hornets nest, and the
hornets would wake up and do the
rest.
The negro wanted to know how
could prevent the hornets from sting
ing our own men, and | told him that
we had been in the hornet business all
the season and never had one of our
cwn men stung. / SAID we took some
agsofoedita and rubbed it on our
clothes and faces, and the hornets
wouldn't touch US, bat just went for
The other fellows to heat the band.
Say, negroes are easy marks. You can
make them believe snything. But il
| ever get to be president | am going
to appoint my negro assistant to po-
sition in my cabinet, cause he is the
greatest political organizer ever saw.
lie rounded up over 200 cotton pickers
and negro men who work in the
freight depots once in while and
started them out after hornets nests.
He gave them some change to get
drink, and promised them free passes
INTO the show the next night, and the
1ext morning they showed up with
hornets nests enough to scare you.
They put them in a dark place in the
barn, so the hornets wouldn't get Curl
Gus and want to come out of the nests
before they got their cue.
That afternoon we fitted them into
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1906-04-05
TERRIBLE SCALP HUMOR.
Head Covered with Humor Sores, with
Loss of Hair-Another Speedy Cure
by Cuticura Remedies.

"All my life I had leen troubled more
or less with humor in my scalp, but
about a year ago it became worse, and
my scalp was covered with little sores,
which itched so it nearly made ME crazy
my hair also began to get dry and fall
out / tried all kinds of hair restorers
with no effect, and | was nearly discour-
aged; but one day L was reading, in a pa
per what the Cuticura Remedies had done
for scalp diseases, and decided to make a
trial. / got cake of Cuticura Soap, a
box of Cuticura Ointment and Cuticura
Resolvent Pills. I used them according
to directions, and soon noticed a differ
ence; the tiny sores on my scalp began
to heal, the itching stopped, and my hair
began to grow thick. have used only the
one cake Of Soap, one box of Ointment,
humor on my scalp and my hair is soft
and silky. Miss Maybe G. Atkins: Box
80. East Orleans, Mass. Mar. 10, 1905"
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1906-04-05
WOULD BE KEPT ALIVE.
Man Wanted to Work Would Not Be
Incapacitated for Doing
the Same.

Samuel Gompers, the reelected chief of
the American Federation of Labor, was
pointing out the good that unions had
done for workingmen.
I'm France" he said, "there are few
unions, and French bricklayer told me
the other day that wages were, in con-
sequence, professionally low there. I,
1.-THE bricklayer said with laugh that
a friend of his in Nice out of work,
bought on the Avenue de la Care news
paper. He took the paper home to his
attic in the squalid Rue Felix, and his
wife, after turning to the advertisements,
said, eagerly:
The very thing! You must look into
this Marcel 1t says a man is wanted
at the Palais de la Jetee, and he won't
be worked to death, and will be pad
enough to live on
The man started.
won't be worked to death?' he NUT
tered.
:. Yes said his wife; and paid enough
to live on
''He frowned
"'Ha,' he said. Some catch about
that"
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1906-04-05

I expect that next year shall be one
of the managers of this show, cause
they tell me l have got the greatest
head of any boy that mas ever Travelled
with the show
We haven't been having a very big
business in the south, because the ne
groes haven't money enough to patron
ize shows, and a lot of the white peo-
pie are either too high-toned or else
they are politicians and want pass.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1906-04-05
Case Of Wounded Vanity.

Polly-The way that man looked at
me was positively insulting.
Dolly-Did he stare at you long and
insolently?
mo; he gave one glance, and then
looked at something else. "-Minneapo-
lis Tribune.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1906-04-05

Doans Kidney Pills, with the result
that the kidney congestion disappeared,
and, with it, all the other symptoms.
What is more, the cure has lasted for
eight years."
Sold by all dealers. so cents a box.
Foster Milburn CO., Buffalo, N. Y.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1906-04-05
Upside Down.

$50 you don't believe in College edu-
cation?"l
mo. sir. After graduation | nearly
starved to death practicing law"
''But you look prosperous now"
"Yes, sir. / went into vaudeville and
made fortune balancing a barrel on my
feet while standing on my head. Detroit
Free Press.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1906-04-05
Rough on Him.

He enthusiastically cat your
command l will dare anything.
will seek out the realms of the boreal
pole" She rubbing her cheek)-
Don't you think, dearest, you would
better seek out the realms of some
barber e?"-Pittsburg Dispatch.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1906-04-05
As Soon as Spring Comes

the need Of Garfield Tea is keenly felt.
This wonderful herb medicine purifies the
blood, cleanses the system, clears the com
plexion and insures natural action OF
the liver, kidneys, stomach and bowels.
Good for young and old, at all seasons.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1906-04-05
Oldest Inhahitant-

"Who is your oldest inhabitapt?"
"Ohl Bill Davis"
where is he living?"
Hes in Jail. He wuz sentenced to
be hung 80 years ago an hez bin fight
in the case ever since. Judge.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1906-04-05
Appropriate.

ssWhy did you send an anchor for
your uncle's funeral?"
"As an emblem of hope-the will
hadn't been read yet. Life.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1906-04-05
Assisting Conversation.

''Nes," remarked the professor, az
rather pride myself on the discovery Of
another hypothesis"
Indeed" replied Mr. Cumrox, little
doubtfulN. Il had an idea they We're
quite extinct. Washington Star.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1906-04-05
Ladies Can Wear Shoes

One size smaller after using Aliens Foot
Ease. A certain cure for swollen, sweating,
hot, aching feet. At all Druggists, 25c Ac-
cent no substitute. Trial package FREE.
Address A. S. Olmsted. lie Roy, N. Y.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1906-04-05

The trouble about accommodating money
! is that Just about the time a man begins
| to get somewhere near what he wants
he dies and is compelled to give it all up
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1906-04-05
Somewhat Different.

"I say, old man. said Joshem, ibid you
ever see a cakewalk?"
No" replied Soberleigh, but Pve seen
cheese that might have walked if the
cage door had been left open. Chicago
Daily News.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1906-04-05

''When some girls. get a new calendar"
remarked the Observer of Events and
Things. they always look fearfully
through Il TO see if, perchance, they have
put her birthday in red letters. - onkers
Statesman
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1906-04-05

aching of the limbs
and pain in the back
and kidneys. Severe
congestion of the kid
neys followed. Be
sides the terrific ach-
ing there were whirl-
ing headaches, and i
became exceedingly
weak. My doe t or
could not help lne,
and I turned to
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1906-04-05
Copyright By J. 3. Bowiss.J

The Bad Boy and His Pa Inject .
Little Politics Into the Show
Rival Bands of Atlanta Citizens
Meet in the Circus Tent-A Bunch
of Angry Hornets Causes Much
Bitter Feeling.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1906-04-05
A COLD BROUGHT 1T ON.
Severe Congestion of the Kidneys Soon
Cured by Doan's Kidney Pills.

Richard Nj. Pearce, a prominent bust
ness man OF 231 So. Orange St., Newark,
N. j., says: Working nights during
bad weather brought on n heavy cold
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1906-04-05

The man who spends his money as ne
makes it may argue that bird in the hand
is worth whole aviary in the hands OF
his executors.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1906-04-05

just about the time a man gets com
fortably fixed in his favorite chair with
the evening newspaper, his wife thinks
of what some caller told her during the
day.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1906-01-28

fashionable, and the newspapers have
given attention to it, I wonder that
the stage hunorists have let it alone so
long.
A faithful copy of the Adamless inns
Office makes the setting for one act.
The arrival of Elsie Janus, as a tourist
from the country. serves to start the
fun. She is received at the desk by
Charles Dickson in the guise of a dis
tracted clerk, the only man in the
whole outfit. whose service is made
maddening by a board of six caves
dropping, scandal-mongering women
managers. Long ago they were a Flo
rodora" sextette, but they are now
aged into prudes. A half-dozen show
girls in full activity are unweleome
guests, and are turned out, but later
we see them in carousing souse with
the clerk off duty. Elsie's trunk is
carried upstairs by robust female
porter, a saucy girl operates the eleva-
tor for her and repels male callers. a
neat girl bartender responds to her
complaint about a highbaI made of
nothing stronger than peppermint, an
amazonian bouncer throws out a man
who tries to force his way to her room
and some ntInble girl bell-hops literal
ly dance in attendance upon her. OF
course, her roguish presence upsets the
decorum of this house of Ewes by
bringing Adams into It, and the prin
inmates become so demoralized that
even its board of moral nnatrons agree
to go with her and the bad show girls
to the Vanderbilt motor race. Yet
these amusing persOnages are not carl
catures, their jokes on the inn-coop for
hens only are not insulting, and there
is nothing for Fitch to be ashamed Of
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1906-01-28
uARRIs A GOOD CHOICE.

In choosing Fisher Harris, secretary
and manager of the Salt Lake CONNER
cial club, as the executive head Of the
See America First movement, the
convention that has been discussing the
plan acted most wisely. Mr.. Harris is
entitled to full credit for originating
the idea of a concerted effort to divert
the tide Of travel from Europe to Amer
lea. He worked up the convention, pre-
pared the various propositions for sub
mission to the delegates and worked
increasingly to make the meeting the
great success it was.
The appointment of Mr.. Harris as
executive secretary is a recognition Of
merit that was thoroughly deserved.
His. comprehensive knowledge of the
situation viii enable him to go ahead
with the work in a much faster and
more intelligent manner than any one
that could have F9en chosen. This be-
cause any new man, however able,
would first be obliged to study out the
situation.
the convention. This was the selection
of Salt Lake City as the headquarters Of
the "See America First League. Aside
from the sentimental consideration
Salt Lake was the home Of the idea
this city is most suitably located for
the headquarters. It is neither too far
east nor too far west, too far north nor
too far south. It is, indeed, in the
heart and center of the country it is de-
sired to benefit most by the diversion
of travel.
Easily accessible from any direction,
Salt Lake can quickly be reached by
officials of the League or by those in
terested. And from Salt Lake all inter-
ested can easily aud promptly be placed
in touch with any plans that may be
going forward. It viii be felt that the
League, as well as this city, is to be
congratulated upon the selection Of Salt
| Lake as permanent headquarters.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1906-01-28

the official axe. ran the blood, political
~ speaking. from the place where the
axe usually falls.
Though shorn of his high ecclesias-
tico-political honors, the senator had
not been shorn OF his newspaper. Did
the newspaper endorse the new SEN
ator's action in following in the foot
steps Of the newspapers owner? Well,
not so as to notice. 1t ragged in a fine
frenzy at the horrible outrages perpe-
trated; it frothed at the mouth; it
threw fits and spasms; it made the air
resound with its pitiful walls.
This lesson teaches US, Dearly Be
loved, that we should all subscribe to
the weIl-known prayer, the ending of
which is:
ooh, Powers that be. help me to
win, if I may win: but-and this espe-
cially, oh, Powers-if may not win,
make me a game loser"
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1906-01-28
poor YEAR FOR LIBEL SUITS.

This seems to be a bad year for the
gentlemen who bring libel suits, as wit
mess our friend Infrmary Jones of Salt
Lake and Justice Deuel. of New YORK
Everybody here knows what happened
TO Jones, though he does not seem TO
have realized it fully himself. Believ-
nng himself injured by local publica-
sion. he brought suit for damages with
the result that he got what was com
ing to him, with surplus thrown in.
Justice Deuel. of the city court in New
York instigated suit for criminal libel
against Norman Hapgood, editor OF Col
iier's Weekly, because Mr.. Hapgood
wrote an editorial anent the "Fads and
Fancies'' matchmaking scheme. but the
Jury which heard the case decided Mr..
Hapgood was not guilty because his
publication was justified by its truth
The verdict in the Hapgood case
soroVes the uselessness of libel suits and
is a complete vindication Of Golfers;
incidentally it is about as valuable an
advertisement of that brilliant weekly
as its publishers could desire, at JUS
tice DeuePs expense. The periodical
with which the justice was connected,
has for years preyed upon the weakness
and fears of the ti1nid fashionabIes who
feared ridicule so much they were will
ing to pay for immunity from attack.
That it has finally come to grief and
been arraigned by public opinion is due
to the fact that it presumed too much
on it's power and found men who were
brave enough to bring 1t to bar for
ckmail
Is conviction in the public mind is
due largely to the courage of Mr.. Col
lier and Mr.. HapgoOd, backed by the
victims of extortion who were willing
TO testify to their experiences with the
publication. In this case, the witnesses
have done a great public service, not
only to the men who had submitted to
blackmail, but to every reputable publ
cation in America It will be a long
while before the country will see a rep
etition of the methods which Mann and
deuel. used.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1906-01-28
poosEVELT's TIGHT PLACE.

That eminent gentleman who so de-
lights to advertise his high standard of
morality to the world, Mr.. Roosevelt, is
in another tight place. At the direc-
ton of the president the faithful Loeb
fastened to give to the Associated Press
a copy of a letter written to Colonel
Mann of Town Topics and 'Fads and
Fancies" notoriety, in which he de-
.cIined a copy Of the widely known book,
sent to him with the coloneTs compli-
ments. In the letter Mr.. Loeb says:
''The president did not give to her
Che woman who received a photograph
from him) any photograph for publica-
ton in the work in question, and he
knew nothing of the book or Of the fact
that Mrs Hampton wished the photo
graph for use therein"
With this fiat denial the president
thought the country would rest con-
tented. He did not reckon with the
liconoclast Mr.. Jerome, district attorney.
Comes Mr.. Jerome, with a statement
that he has seen a letter from Loeb
dated Sept. s, 1903, containing correct
ed proofs of the article on the president,
appearing in 'Fads and Fancies,' trans
hitting to Justice Deuel. (Mann's part
ner) the four photographs which appear
in Fads and Fancies,' illustrating the
article which appeared therein on Pres
ident Roosevelt"
Obviously Mr.. Loeb would never have
dared to correct the proofs and send
/ til photographs without explicit per-
mission from the president. Mr.. Roose-
welt undoubtedly knew all about them.
It is quite probable that the corrections
/ in the proofs were made at his sugges-
/ ton. 1t seemed too good a chance to
gain publicity. Great advertiser that
he is, Mr.. Roosevelt could not bring
himself to miss such an opportunity.
Apparently forgetting all about the
incident of 1903. he rushes now into
print with an absolute denial. How
much better it would have been fol
him if he had frankly confessed that he
had been led into error concerning the
purposes of the book and that he re.
GREETED the circumstance very much
Roosevelts greatest weakness, aside
from his fondness for advertising, is hi.
absolute inability to admit that he i:
ever wrong about ANYTHING.