davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-10-23
LAYHAWKER JOTS

Which would you prefer" asks ".
G. Palmer, 1.-The message that came to
Sam Jones last Monday or the one that
came to Burton ?''
Charlie Blakesley IS not surprised
that Oscar Bonnet, who is running for
representative in Elk county. should
be troubled with a legislative bee.
Charlie Ice is an Osborne football
player and the Concordia Blade says
he is so slippery that no opposition
player can ever hold him even when
caught.
An Atchison county blind horse has
been frightened so much by automo-
hiles that the smell OF gasoline scares
him stiff. If some women were that
scary there wouldn't be so much news
in the papers about ascensions by the
gasoline route.
Kick by the Jewell Republican:
Two Glen Elder women were fined 81
for swearing. Rather small business,
We think. for the men to pOunce onto
a woman and fine her for just picking
up few of the cuss words they leave
lying around everywhere.
The Scott County News hands out
this bit of timely philosophy: The
mud on the street corners and the
pools in the streets are the best evil
dence to strangers that it does rain a
plenty in western Kansas. So don
growl about such an important thing
as mud.
According to the Muscotah Record,
candidates are a nuisance at sales.
When Mart Vansel. of Muscotah, had
his big sale last week, he says the can
didates caused him to lose $3.50. When
a man would be about. converted into
buying a hog, some candidate would
walk up and say: BILL want to see
you q minute"
Downs Times; n. S. Curtis. the dep
uty fish and game warden who was
Z l.
every county in the state will be
stocked with five pairs of Chinese
pheasants within the next thirty days
They win be protected for five years
and as they increase rapidly it Is
thought the prairies of Kansas will af-
ford great sport within a few years
Pheasants are better eating than either
quail or prairie chicken.-Downs
/ Times.
A few Mack Cretcherisms: A lie
told often enough will trot a pretty
good heat with the truth.
Friendship is a good deal like your
credit. The least. used the better II
4 is If they keep on amend
/ ing the football rules the game will
soon be as tame as a Mexican bull
| fight. If you have paid for
any fall millinery you have no doubt
| discovered that a bird on the hat is
worth three on the bush. We
have observed that it's pretty hard tc
/ say something original where people
have been Cabling away for severa
thousand years. s" Every time
we see Vic Murdoch we can't helT
thinking about what a good newspaper
man was spoiled in order to make q
/ congressman. It may huri
your pride a little to confess it, but tbs
real extent OF your political influence
is exercised on election day when you
lift up the tail Of the election booth
step inside. grab the pencil and gel
busy. That's about the only time yot
/ count politically.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-10-23

to steady himself while he put the
crutches IN place, but a sharp twingt
made him stagger He lost balance
and fell prone, oyerturning the lighted
taper and bringing it in contact with
the contents OF an omen drawer. They
biazed up merriIy. In a wink the
whole room was abiaze. AS he lay
helpless he saw the flames lick at the
carvings on top OF the desk. Then IN
deed the squire groaned aloud, ana
dragged himself to the open window
A wall OF fire was behind himl Be
fore him a fall of almost twenty feet
To swing out and drop down below
meant certain death-even If he had
strength for it. He shouted, but noth-
Ing came OF it. Sally was really fast
asleep in the cool backyard. He shut
his eyes, and thought OF Edith's moth
ed. In the great extremity there
came a flash OF comfort-When he was
dead both wills would be burned and
Edith, his only child, would have ev-
erything. He ought to have been an
CRY. but somehow he could not be
the mounting flames made his own
wrath look poor and tame. He had
given up, and was waiting for the end,
when straight through the wall of fire
there burst a slim figure, sheetec and
blackened, but moving like the light
itself. In a wink It had torn off the
wet blankets protecting 1t, swathed
the squire in them, and was bearing
MIN out 10 SaIetys regardless OF the
flames that leaped at its own head.
Once through the door other arms
laid hold on him, and helped to bear
him down the stairs. When he came
to himself fully he was stretched on
the grass at a safe distance. while
nefghbors and farmfolk fought the FIRE
to finish.
The squire lay very still, but kept
his eyes on one slim scorched figure
that led all the rest. When the dan
ger was past he raised himself on his
elbow, and said, pointing to the Slim
leader: Daughter, I take back every
thing. You've chosen a man." Copy
right, 1905 by z. c. ParcelIs.)
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-10-23
JOURNAL ENTRIES

Colonel Harris did not vote for Grad
dock and Dale says the Capital. Well,
If the Capital will glance at the election
returns it will see that there were 9TH
ers.
We are glad to note that Nile. Par
xmas name was Miss Elizabeth Par
kinson before she went from Kansas
City to Paree. 1t was feared her name
was Lizzie Parkins.
Lucas Locates Harris was a news
headline the other day. Isn't Lucas
behind the times? The Republican or
gans located him in Chicago weeks
ago.
This idea of making a boy decent by
operating on his brain isn't so new.
The difference Is that now they are
cutting his skull and relieving the pres
sure on the brain. while formerly they
used to reach his brain by applying
a good stout switch where It
would do the most good.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-10-23
IA scHOoL EPIsODE-

Sence I have started in to school,
With ali my soul a-yearnin'
To be good an to mind each rule
An Jest keep on a-le2rnin,
The new professor we have got
Has Introduced 4 feature
That interests us kids lot
He's ies' dead stuck on teacheri
He's got funny old bald head.
An false teeth, an wears glasses;
His nose is kind o sort O red,
An when We're havin classes
He'll slide into the room, you know,
AS sollum as n preacher,
An hang around an act as though
He's jes' dead stuck on teacher.
But I don't blame him much. do you?
Becauz she is a daisy;
Her hair is black, her eyes is blue,
An dreany-Iike an hazy.
I saw him kiss her t'other day
He had to stoop to reach her,
An he cut up in sicha way,
know he's stuck on teacher!
peeked in through the keyhole once,
An watched EN- both one nOonOn'
A-huggln' her an spOOnln'.
1 heard him call her little pet,
he sed she was a peach, er
Sumthln like that, an I jes bet
He's more'n stuck on teacheri
She's got a di'mun' ring on now,
III bet you that he brought il
Fer her to wear; but, anyhow
III bet she never bought it
II KIND o looks to me as though
They'll soon call in the preacher
To marry EN-, becuz / know
He's jes' dead stuck on teacher
e. A. Brininstool IN the Los Angelo
Express.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-10-23
QUAKER REFLECTIONs.
FROM the Philadelphia Record. ]

TFrom the Philadelphia Record
Cant generally spells failure.
A coin couector-The trolley car
conductor.
We seldom grow after we are 81.
except to grow older
Nelly ou've been porting over that
book for two hours Belly Yes; it's
awful dry,
The lawyer is the only man who can
make people do as he tells them and
get money for it.
Some people are SO absent minded
that they can't even recall their most
pleasant recollections.
Some fellows seem to think that If
anything should happen to them the
clocks would all stop
IT'S too bad that a man can't get
into Heaven with his tombstone in
scription as a passport.
The female bill collector proves the
absurdity OF the statement that wo-
mans work IS never dun.
Blobbs=''She has a frIghfulIy poor
complexion" Slobbs-"Yes; but she
has a frightfully rich father"
ALAS! I am undone!" cried the
tragedian who had turned pugilist. It
was then that his antagonist proceeded
to do him up
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-10-23
POINTED PARAGRAPHS.
[From the Chicago News. ]

EFrom the Chicago News.1
Cornet players soon get wind of a
new tune.
Even left-handed women stick UP
for their rights.
Two-thirds of the so-called society
400" are ciphers.
Eat, drink and be merry today; to-
morrow you may be married.
When a friend in need drops in the
average man gets cold feet.
Some people seem to think that loud
talk makes a sound argument.
As rule it isn't the best-Iooking
woman who tries to look her best.
And of course everything goes dead
wrong with the successful under
taker.
II you have a cross to bear, bear It
like a man and don't place it on ex-
hibition.
Many a man is credited with being
patient when in reality he is too lazy to
register "A kick.
An old bachelor says that marriage
is the result of one FOOLS encouraging
the foolishness OF another.
Beware Of the girl with the marble
heart, young man. Even cold cash
can warm 1t up only temporarily.
The more a woman knows to the dis
credit of her husband the madden It
makes her when other women find it
out.
After a poor man has married a
woman because she knows her own
mind he viii never be permitted to for
get that she knows #.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-10-23
FRON OTHER PENS
oLD-TIME LIGHTS THE BEST.

We are not impressed by the theory
of the hen running sideways across the
road or that of the yellow dog, which
howls in the full of the moon and tries
to chew off its own tail at the front
door of the smokehouse. These the
cries prevail to a very great extent in
the neighborhood of Charlotte. n. c,
and the esteemed Observer, pub
lished there, has often given
them its serious considera ton.
There may be something in il,
but we prefer the old, established
forecasts-the goose bone, the field rat,
the rabbit, and the 'possum. These
have been with us always; they seldom
fail US. Let US stand by them at least,
until the prophets Observation-Disclosures
Post.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-10-23

The sherif Of SedgWick county IS
quoted as saying that his county
is solid for Hoeh. Doubtless
the mayor of Wichita will says
hte same. The mayor OF Wichita
Is running the saloons on the license
system. just as the mayor of Kansas
City, Kas.. did. The mayor of Wfch-
ita has not been ousted from Office
as was the mayor OF Kansas CITY.
Kas., and Sedgwick county may feel
grateful to Governor Hoch therefor.
The mayor of Wichita, you know,
headed the Sedgwick county delega-
ton to the Republican state conven-
ton and promised his support to Gov
ernor Hoeh at a time when the friends
Of Ex-Governor Stanley were on the
war path.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-10-23
Holm D's HOE.

Mr.. Rockefeller doesn't want the gov
eminent to limit opportunity" He has
had that job so long himself that he
doesn't want to see such a delicate and
important piece of work go into the
hands of bunglers. AS likely as not the
government would get confused as 70
whose opportunity ought to be limited.
while John D. always knows that It is
the man who would like to start some
thing in competition with the Rookie
Teller interests that should be shut out.
Jewell Republican.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-10-23

here next Wednesday evening. Turn
out and get your faith renewed in the
grand old party. Mr.. Reeder stood
shoulder to shoulder with President
Roosevelt on every important issue. Il
doesn't make him mad to have some
body get up in his district and read the
roll call The more they do that the
better the people like Reeder.''
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-10-23
REFLECTIONS OF A BACHELOR.
TFrom the New York Press.I

Z
Getting caught kissing a girl is al
most as exciting as doing It.
one OF the very incest things about
visiting is thinking about when It viii
be OYER.
It's pretty dangerous for q man to
have money II he doesn't want to get
married
A married man Is mighty selfish to
want to spend any Of his own money
on himself.
A very annoying thing about getting
married is the way the thing sticks to
you afterward.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-10-23

And then, mind you" exclaimed Miss
Passay, he asked If I wouldn't marry
the first man that came along
The ideaE remarked Miss Knox.
Don't those obviously. unnecessary aues-
Press.
Old Gentleman-Are you certain that
dust? -'s---
storeman-They are the best quality.
We have sold hundreds and never had a
comDlaint.-Punch.
Did the old man settle anything on his
daughtsr, and her husband when they
yes. indeed. he did: he settled him
self"-Baltimore American
Miss Middle.
interested in somebody who has one?''-
Philadelphia Press.
Gritty George-whats de matter wild
sleep like he used to?
Sandy Pil1es-So. somebody told him de
mind works while We are asleep.-Chicsgo
7 ten you. I stand before this painting,
a% NO"
Yes. sir, It gives me new notion Of
wen. I declare.''
only to think. sir that the Lord could
make sunset like that If He chose. -
..Rememoer,' said the meloaramatic
man man there are things in this life that
Yes answered the impeeunious per-
son YEARLY, but had enough Of them
long ago What want know is a change
Washington Star.
That" said the teacher, rs what is
called an 'idiom'- Now can any little boy
OF girl explain what an idiom ls2-'
e, ,,Yesm'" - promptly replied Tommy
most O. de time. ''-Philadelphia Press.
Miss Angeles-F5e was pleased to say, I
believe, that had many good points.
Miss Cuttng-Not exactly. dear, He
SAID you had a good many points.-Phila-
delphia Public Ledger.
DO you move in the same circle with
Il should say not" replied the sweet
live In the same square with her."-Nil-
waukee Sentinel.
Mrs. Muggins-The doctor has advised
Mrs. BJones 10 take things easy for a
while.
Mrs. Buggins-I wondered why she had
discharged her servants and was doing
her own work.-Philadelphia Record.
Il sent the campaign committee a dol
lar
I'm afraid it win be used to buy
Weu?"
IN order to offset it I intend to vote
the other way Cleveland Plain-Dealer.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-10-23

Why will people persist in shaving
their lives away in a dirty city, while
thousands of acres Of rich agricultural
land are going begging. asks Robert
Franklin in the Technical World Maya
zine for November. in his article
''Homesteads for the Asking Uncle
Sam is trying hard, literally, to give
away some of the finest farming land
in the United States, but the people re-
fuse to see the opportunity Quite the
most peculiar state of affairs that has
been known in this country for some
decades, exists at the present time in
north central Nevada, where, with a
large and inviting territory newly made
available for homesteads, there is q
dearth of settlers. Ordinarily when
good lands are offered by the govern
ment free of charge. there Is a rush for
the scene, every possible patch being
eagerly preempted; but in this in
stance, strangely enough, about a mill
lion acres of the finest soil in the world,
with a plentiful water supply furnished
by irrigation, are going begging. And
then he tells of 500, O00, 900 acres Of gov
eminent land which can be had free for
the asking by those who wish to settle
on the land, own their own homes and
property, and live a healthy life in the
country But alas, the entreaties of the
government are in vain. and the work
ing people of the cities have their noses
so close to the milestone that they can
not break away from the daily grind.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-10-23

John D. Rockefeller's remarks on the
subject of government supervision of
business indicate that he really respects
the law sufficiently to want it out Of
the sphere of his observation-disclosures
Constitution
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-10-23

la Toilette" says the Houston Post.
"has made a number of his colleagues
in the senate as mad as a wet hen.
Moreover, they are said to be laying
for him" Yes, and they are about to
hatch trouble for themselves.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-10-23

Out at Los Angeles the ". c. T. U.
has amended its pledge so as to exclude
the use Of liquor even for medicinal
purposes. If that sort of a pledge be-
came general, what would some Kan
sas druggists do for a living?
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-10-23

When 1t came to a choice Of parting
with his British citizenship or his Kan
sas holdings, the late Lord" Scully
gave up the former. You don't find an
intelligent man giving up good Kansas
land Il there is any way for him to hold
on to il
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-10-23
F,rauIeIn Kr71pp's Trousseau.

me late head Of the world famous
Krupp gun industry was a unitarian
of whom John Stuart MIL might have
been proud. Every member of the
Krupp family, including the two sis
ters. has been made to learn trade
Bertha is ar. accomplished dressmaker,
and it is said that much feeling was
caused in the Essen district because,
instead of buying her wedding trous-
seau from German dealers. she has
made most Of it herself. An object
lesson for lionairea-London Mail.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-10-23
sIR rHOMAs CORRECT.

american women are the best in the
world" says Sir Thomas Upton Being
highly eligible Sir Thomas shrewdly
refrains from particularizing.-W Wash
ington Post.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-10-23

Governor Pardee of California was
talking about a fire insurance agent
who had disappointed him, says the
New York Tribune.
This man. said DIR. Pardee, had
spoken so generously at first about the
payment of all claims in full that my
disappointment at his later expression
was incredibly great
st was as disappointed as a man
who had just returned from a months
vacation. This man got out Of the
train with his bags and valises, and
with expanded chest trudged home
ward through the hot city, pleasantly
conscious that he looked as brown as
a. berry, as hard as nails-in the pink
Of condition after his long month in
the sun and wind.
Suddenly he met friend. This
friend shook him by the hand. peered
hard in his face, and said anxiOusly:
q 'Helloi Goinw out of town for a
few days, suppose, from your lug
9age2 Well, I'm glad TO see 1t. for, by
George, you need a change. You GER
tainly do look tuckered out
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-10-23

A Downs man who committed the
error Of meeting a game warden when
he was carrying gun and a string OF
ducks but was short hunters license
paid $3.50 for the ducks. But it didn't
help the ducks any.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-10-23

Fred Trisg calls attention to the fact
that if you don't register you cannot
control even your own vote. But on the
other hand you have the satisfaction Of
knowing that you didn't vote as some
boss dictated-if that is any satisfac-
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-10-23

The latest from cuba IS that the de-
feated candidate who starts a revolu-
ton must be given a government job
This Is a new and brilliant addition &c
the old spoils system--St- Pau
Pioneer Press.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-10-23

Senator Depew is quoted as saying
he VIII be heard from again this win
ter The last time Depew was heard
from he resigned form the directories
of a large and varied assortment of
corporations Is it possible that he
viii next resign from the senate2
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-10-23

As we understand it, there will be 81
fuli-fedged presidential boom On ex-
hibition at the auditorium on Thursday
evening, and Vice President Fairbanks
trusts it viii look good to Kansas.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-10-23

Sir Thomas Upton has been visiting
up at Milwaukee. Sir Thomas might
as well give it UP. He never can make
Milwaukee believe that tea is really
good TO drink.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-10-23
FAME.


some men are born great some
achieve greatness and some leap al
once into fame while making a 'one-
handed stab at batted ball.-Chicago
Tribune.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-10-23

This attempt to correct excessive
freight rates is all right. but Dan
Campbell, Of the DeIphos Republican,
believes more attention should be paid
to reforming excessive millinery rates.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-10-23

The Pullman company Is expert
menting in order to build a wreck
proof car, The trouble is that the
people who generally get killed in
wrecks don't ride in Pullmans The
coaches and smokers are the ones that
suffer most in wrecks. Kindly build
q wreck-proof coach or chair-car.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-10-23
a RIsK

Mr.. Hughes, the Republican candidate
for governor Of New York, is having his
pictures figure largely in the campaign
literature at the imminent risk of alien
ating the barber vote.-W ashington
Post.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-10-23
CHICAco,s REGULARITY

The claim Of a city official that Chi
Cages population is far in excess of
Gotham as proof positive that the Lon
don alienist is correct who asserts that
everybody in Chicago is erazy.-Balti-
more American.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-10-23
r1c1rRE IT OrT-

Problenl-Since the steel trust has
gobbled the biggest available field of
iron in the country, what viii be the
price Of a carpet tack in 190S?-Atlanta
Journal.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-10-23
IT SURE DOES.

1t might be an easy matter to read
Senator La Toilette out of the party if
it were not for the conviction that the
party needs men like La Toilette in
It's business just now.-Salina Journal.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-10-23

Hettv Green's son having withdrawn
from the race for governor of Texas.
the other member of the Republican
party there will now cast the unani-
nous Republican vote Of the state
Atlanta Journal
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-10-23

New York reporters think that Lon
don publication which criticised Rich
ard Croker and then took it back must
be mighty easily buffaloed.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-10-23

A newiy-married New Jersey man as
serts that he and his bride have
monopoly on love. Well, love is sup
posed to be something Of trust AFFAIR.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-10-23

The Jewell Republican gives Con
FRESHMAN Reeder this ''send-on": Con
FRESHMAN Reeder is not willing that
Teweu City should not hear at least one
political speech this year. even If he
las to stop shocking corn and come
aown and make it himself. He viii be
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-10-23

The Russian terrorists are willing to
bury the Ratchet but the trouble is
that they want to bury it in the necks
OF the grand dukes.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-10-23

The Republicans OF New York think
they now begin to realize more than
ever just what the Yellow Peril means.