Mower County transcript., 1906-04-25
FARMER BEN'S
COLUMN.

insane asylums. The lunys are a
shaggy race and the criminals hav hair
in plenty. There's lots IF mastacatin'
material in these facts as averred and
set forth. They go to prove that when
chaps get baldheaded they're by the
criminal and luny period OF life or else
they 90 to show that when fellows 60
into the crime business they don't liv
out half their days and are killed OF or
die off before they get old enuf: to be
bald. It's some comfort to 1iv long
enuf to show the world that all fellows
don't hav to let go and commit crimes
just because they're old. 1 think a
good deal of this old world yet. l
don't believe that everythin' is goin' to
the dogs. | reck on that folks can cul:
tivate the habit of bein' straight and
honest and true just as we'll as tree
can grow straight. Of course there's
lots of fun poked at the ba1df eaded
front row at the theatres but the ballet
amt so dangerous to the old Gods as to
the young bucks. The next time you
90 to states prison or the insane asylum
look and see how scarce bald heads is.
I see they're havin' trouble with high
water up in the Red river valley as u.s.
ual. Christopher Columbus had the
same trouble when he sowed wheat up
there and posterity five hundred years
from now will have the same. The
trouble is that the Red River runs north
and when it thaws at its upper end on
the south, it's lower end On the north is
still froze solid and the only thing Tor
the water to do is to flow out in all di-
rections and food and zdFewz md f1ost.
off property and retard springs work.
It's just the opposite down here. The
old Cedar runs south and it thaws
down at its mouth first and keeps let
tim off as it thaws further north and
by the time the thaw gets to Austin
the river below is all clear to let the
water run off quick to the gulf OF
Mexico. It's a great arrangement L
tell you. 1t lets us on dry land instead
of dykin' to keep out the foods. 1t in
sures regular seedin' time in the spring.
You'll find the same condition all over.
In zones where it freezes hard the riv-
ers that flow north are damage and a
menace and blockade and tiooder
while the rivers that flow south clear
themselves of ice from the mouth up
and leave leeway for the ice to get out
way up to the top of the river. It's a
great arrangement and folks ought to
consider it in pickin' location.
No, thank you, amt crazy to go to
California and be shaken up by the
earthquakes and never know when
your house is goin' to tumble down on
your head and family. California is
altogether too near the internal regions
to suit Farmer Ben. I'll take my chances
on bracin' up in the bracin' breezes OF
Minnesota. 1 wouldn't swap six bliz'
yards for one earthquake. Folks that
20 out there just sit round and shive1
all winter except when they can get
into the sun in the middle of the day
or else they spend about as much for
fuel to keep warm as they do rite here
in Mower county. When you pay
thirty dollars for coal it counts up
there. Just climate is nifty poor livin'
for poor man. They work with one
hand out there and save the other to
fight fleas with. Just think of q man
bein' worth millions in San Francisco
one day and bein' a pauper the next
from earthquakes and fires resultln'.
Why, if I lived in California, wouldn't
take minutes peace. I'D never know
when was goin' to drop thro to the
interior. This California business has
ben alwus Dragged up by q lot Of specu-
lators who want to gull the innocent.
l tell you there's worse things than q
touch of Minnesota winter weather and
one of 'em is earthquakes. '
q q o
Did you read President Roosevelt's
talk on the muck rake? It was cork
er. He don't believe in continually
workin' in filth and never looking high
er, refusin' to see anything but filth
in everybody and every thing. tell
you it's a wholesome doctrine. Lots of
folks never see anything but bad in the
rest Of mankind. They fix their minds
and eyes SO much on things that de-
grade and debase that they can't see
good and merit and things better and
higher than the lowest in others. You