davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Montgomery advertiser., 1906-10-30
TUESDAY, OCTOBER 30, 1sos.
THE FUNNY SIDE.

Ordinarily there is nothing Of the humorous or amusing in connection with deaths and funerals, but some kimes~~ the aftermath may furnish amusement. Even obituary notices and thanks sent to the papers by the beseaved ones are usually of solemn character, but not always. Thus we 1lnd in an Oswego newspaper the fol- lowing from the widow of a man who had just been buried:
 Mr. Editor-I desire to thank the friends and neighbors most heartily m this manner for the united aid and co-operation during the illness and SsSsd % from T me by the hand of death pn Friday last while eating breakfast. TO. the friends and all wno contribu, last las moments and funeral of my hus- band a success, desire to remember lnost kindly. hoping these few lines inss ma havs afso eeod na mix COW and which I will sell cheap, God moves Serform. he plants his footsteps upon the sea and rides upon the storm" also . black and white shoat very low.
 Now we are not saying that this be- reaved one was not in cold earnest in thus writing. nor was she probably aware of the ludicrous nature of her composition. She was dead bent on her In helping the husband to cash in, as some express it. She doesn't fully explain just how the assistance and cooperation were rendered, but prob ably she wanted to leave something to the imagination, and let each friend decide for himself what he had done to be thanked for.
 How feelingly she alludes to the Husband "who escaped from me by the hand of death while eating breakfast At is possible that if he is where talk ing is allowed he may say. with good old Job, T am escaped with the skin of my teeth" and 1t may be that he rejoices at having gotten away with out having his teeth skinned. But she isn't very clear about the exact manner of his escape. She doesn't tell us whether he was choked on one of her make of doughnuts. or whether she put something in his food or
 
 sibly she didn't think to explain that point, or else thought that true cx- planation might have made things un- pleasant for her. .+ ...-> s=.
 And her adroit manner of running ir advertising matter along with a letter of thanks shows the business woman thoroughly. To have advertised that horse, cow and shoat in the regular way would have cost something, but she run 1t in on the unsuspecting newspaper man in way that does hel credit. It wasn't exactly the "myste- rious way" to which she alludes but it was a sly one, and we shouldn't be surprised If she chuckled over it af terwards. Then the gushful manner with which she wished her friends were enjoying the same blessing, plainly shows a heart full ot charity for others and q desire that they may not be left behind in the enjoyment oi the blessings which had fallen to hel lot, by which she evidently alluded tt her good fortune In having a husband escape from her. Certainly there may be a funny side % the aftermath of funeral
The Montgomery advertiser., 1906-10-30
omce Seeks the Man.

Rochester Herald.
 Private" Allen of Mississippi, while in Congress, was fond of telling about a fine old gentleman down in Tupelo, whose habit was to sit on dry goods box and talk politics. His hobby was that the office should seek the man, and not the man the office, and he waxed eloquent in the discussion of the chosen theme.
 Finally he determined to become a candidate himself, and went out upon an electioneering tour. When his friends twitted him about his change of front he replied
 Oh. yes. the office should seek the man, but the man should be around so that the once may find him.'
The Montgomery advertiser., 1906-10-30

he Advertiser has for quite a while been an advocate for such an exten- sion of the electric system. Among other lines advocated we have on more than one occasion argued for a line from Montgomery to extend in north easterly direction, passing through portions of Fillmore. Coosa, Tallapoosa, Clay. Randolph and Cleburne counties, or most of them. and we believe such a road will be built in the near fu- ture. More than that, we believe it will pay in every respect. to say noth- ing of the great convenience to the people along the route. Whether this line is built or not, however, the ques- tion of shorter lines reaching out from the large cities is one that will be settled in the near future.
The Montgomery advertiser., 1906-10-30

The Huntsville Mercury in noticing the death recently in this State of sev- eral persons over 100 years of age says: Tn this list were several of the old time darkeys "to memory dear.' but your since the war negro don't live that long,"
The Montgomery advertiser., 1906-10-30
Ahead of the Times.

Chicago CShronicle.
 An Oskosh (Wis.) cabman has killed a patron in a dispute over fare. This is coming 1t a little strong. Even in Chicago the brethren of the whip do not go so far as to slay thelc protesting patrons. They only have them arrest ed. and even this proceeding has lately fallen into disfavor. The Oshkosh cabby Is too far in advance of the era.
The Montgomery advertiser., 1906-10-30

According to figures printed by The Indianapolis Star there is an average of one person killed by Ind >ia rail- roads for each working day in the year and at least one dozen injured. It is rather a gruesome record for one State,
The Montgomery advertiser., 1906-10-30
Take Care of Your Rose Bushes.

Milwaukee Sentinel.
 Now is the time of year when every thoughtful and careful housewife should care for her rose bush. Rose bushes are mighty delicate things. Frequently blizzards have been 'lnown to entirely destroy them. good plan is to cover the Lush over with an cid kimono to protect 1t from the frost or in case you can't find kimono or hair of overalIs dig the bush up by the roots and place it in a warm placo in the cellar by the furnace. The lat ter is probably the safest protection. Some people cover rose bushes up with an old sheet or white garment of some kind, but this Is not considered good form Be just as good to your rose bushes as you can.
The Montgomery advertiser., 1906-10-30

While we in the South have been troubled to get the cotton crop picked the kansans are worried because they can't get hands to "husk" the corn, as they call it. Some old fashioned corn shuckings would do the work.
The Montgomery advertiser., 1906-10-30

sailor gets into many troubles when he Is on land. In Baltimore the other day one was kissing his sweet heart goodbye when cop came along and arrested him. He explained his action by saying ne thought the couple were lighting, but that was all bosh He was just envious.
The Montgomery advertiser., 1906-10-30

connected with 1t. It says:
 When every other trick fails, when a venireman has convinced every one of tire guilelessness. of his ignorance of what "the papers, have said. intimated. implied or intended to imply about the case. he is subjected. with every evil ~dence of .gleeful delight, to the vocab- ulary ordeal
 Does he know the meaning of ore. ponderance," ''surrebuttal," "aver," Traverse" If not he must step down as unfit for jury duty.
 And the judges sit and permit this continuous farce. this mockery to be enacted in what are called courts of justice!
 The Record Herald seems to over look or disregard the fact that in q great many important cases the object of the lawyers on one side or the oth- CT is to get a jury composed. as nearly as possible. of men who are incompe- tent. Many a case is won by having unfit men on the jury.
The Montgomery advertiser., 1906-10-30

We'll, who minds if King Edward has fixed the hour of 6:30 as the proper time to eat his dinner? He may put of dining till next day for all we care.
The Montgomery advertiser., 1906-10-30

These be lively days for Montgomery, Last week the Fair, this week tho cir GUS. next week the election. and after chat something clIe. It hardly allows .ahs uuiet citizen time to think
The Montgomery advertiser., 1906-10-30

The Chicago Record-Herald cannot conceal its disgust over the jury sys- tenn whereabouts, or of some things connected with 1t. It says:
The Montgomery advertiser., 1906-10-30

When it comes to betting on the races how few of us have any horse sense,
The Montgomery advertiser., 1906-10-30
Will stick to Back-stamping.

T notice the Savannah postoHIce IS going to stop back-stamping letters.
 said an official of the Montgomery post office yesterday. This experiment. is and if it does not prove satisfactory: I have no doubt that the postoffice will return to the back stamping method,
 In Montgomery we are going 10 continue to stamp letters on their backs. l don't think 1t would work well
The Montgomery advertiser., 1906-10-30

T a Noble Circulation Manager of The 0eatoomsTy Advertiser. being duly swofn' Inc foresoine statement of The Adver- tD1oTe circulation for the month of August 1oo1. e true and correct. and compiled af- t0 ell returns from news boyA news D0a0te. spoiled and 1eft-over copies nave kS1a Iaducted E & NOBLE. ~ Circulation Manager OW0Rn to and subscribed before me this oo0A day of September 1906.
 &DoalJ '. W. JACKSON
 Notary Public
The Birmingham age-herald., 1906-11-04
Cothran's Market Letter.

The cotton market has ruled in an ex- tremely depressed state the past week, and as d result of persistent bear ham mering and considerable selling against actual cotton, prices have suffered fur ther decline since last Saturday of 36 to fl points.
 This, added to the previous weeks de- cline, makes q drop of over 1c a pound during the past fortnight.
 During the early part of the week num- frosts having occurred in the Atlantic and southwestern sections of the belt, but these reports were ignored.
 The Journal of Commerce report on the condition of the crop was distinctly bull ish, and was calculated to have a most stimulating effect on values, but it fell flat.
 It showed the deteriora tion to have been very heavy during the past month in the eastern and central sections of the belt, the decline in most sections being over 10 per cent
 Notwithstanding the severe decline prices have already experienced, general sentiment continues extremely bearish, this being especially so among local com mission houses.
 This bearish feeling has been intensified to a considerable extent by the very heavy movement of the crop in the past week. which would appear to give color to the large crop estimates or l3,0O0,OOO, given out by two English authorities re- gently.
 Every advantage was taken of this fine weather in Texas. and picking and gin- ming was so rapid that the ginning fig ures not only made a bearish showing in the recent census bureaus report, but greatly aided in offsetting the low gin ming figures of all the other important cotton growing states.
 There is undoubtedly an extensive short interest now existing in the contract markets and with bearish sentiment so rampant. we are inclined to think the bear element will soon overstep itself and place the market in a heavily over sold condition.
 We think a reaction of some proportion is certainly due.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1906-11-04

which has come into prominence this week is the concerted demands made on railroad companies by organized bodies of employees for higher wages and shorter hours Last Saturdays bank statement was regarded with general skeptieism as a true reflection of the course of banking conditions especially in the reported loan contraction for the clearing house insti- tutions, as all indications had pointed to a transfer of loans on larger scale from London to this. market. The conclusion was quite general that trust companies and private bankers in New York had taken over loans from the clearing house banks. which would not make any actual change in the local credit situation
 Bonds have been dull and irregular United States 2s have advanced F per cent on call during the week.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1906-11-04
Fruits and Produce.

I.emons-Per box, extra fancy. s6.5047 Lmes-Per 100, S161.25.
 Peanuts-Fancy. per pound 6c; No. ?, 5c Cabbage-1Aq11ac pound.
 Pineapples-30. 36 and 40 sizes. $3.25@3.50 California Peaches-Per crate, s1.50. Egg Plant-s2.25.
 Grapes-Per 4-pound basket, 16c; s. pound basket, 2Sc.
 Western Apples-Barrel, $3G3.50. Bulk Apples-Per barrel, g. Onions-New crop, pound. Pc. Spanish Onons-Per crate, T.75. Northern Potatoes-Per bushel, 75dS0c. Sweet Potatoes-Per bushel $1. 5042. Eggs-Candled, 25c: Tennessee. PIC. Hens-3514Oc; broilers, 25Q35c. Butter-Fresh, S@10c; renovated. 25c; creamery. BOG.
 Cheese-Fill cream. per pound, 16c.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1906-11-04
Conductor,s Mistake.

From smiths S weekly.
 The train was about to depart when Q stout old lady ran on the platform in haste The obiging guard bounced upon her. fairly lifted her into the carriage, and as he slammed the door the train steamed out of the station. The first stopping place was thirty miles up the line, and when the train arrived the guard observed the old lady stepping out of the compartment in state of boiling indig- nation.
 You nearly missed it, num- he said.
 Missed it, You silly assn fumed the old lady 'I didn't want to come by Nit at all. 1 simply wanted to post a let ter in the late fee box on the train. And now perhaps you'll tell me who is going to pay my fare back. Talk about the intelligence of man. I'd rather have donkey to deal withi
The Birmingham age-herald., 1906-11-04

Cash quotations were as follows: Flour-Firm; winter patents. S. 30@3. 40; straights, $3. 10lq3 30; spring patents, $3. 80 @39O; straights, s3. 35aS50; bakers, s2 30 p2.90
 wheat-No. 9 spring. 76d7sc; No. 3, 71@ 79c; No ? red. 731A@74ssc.
 Corn-No. ?, 46Ac; No. yellow, 4714 q4712c.
 oats-No ?. ss4sc; No. 9 white, s2A@ 341hc.
 Rye--No. ?, Gle.
 Barley-Fair to choice mating, 470l5Oc Flax Seed-No. l, $1 .0Sl2; No. 1 north western, s .16
 Timothy Seed-Prime. S4.15
 Clover-Contract grade, s13.25. Short Ribs, Sides-Loose, SS.25aS.75. Mess Pork--Per bbl. Sl6.25.
 Lard-Per 100 lbs, s9.30.
 Short Clear Sides-Boxed $. .5OQiS. .621s. Whisky-Bass of high wines, s1.29. On the produce exchange today the but ter market was steady; creameries 19dl 251hc; daires, 1S14@23c.
 Eggs-Firm; at mark cases included, 20 Q22c; frsts, 23c; prime firsts, 24lsc; ex- tras, Hc.
 Cheese-Steady at 12lsq134c.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1906-11-04
Local Staple Groceries.

ugar-Granulated, 5Ac; L. C., 4a4c. F'loar-Fancy patent $5,40; standard patent S44O; straight. $4.
 Coffee-Green, 11Q13c; Arbuckle's, $1655; Porto Rico, $1655.
 Meat-Dry salted ribs, SAC; dry salted rib bellies, 1OAc; extra clear, 10c; hams, fancy, 15asc; medium, 14asc. bacon bellies, 1215c: California hams, 10c.
 Lard-Leaf. 10c; compound lard, Sc. Molasses-Centrifugal 30G35; sugar house. 40c Georgia cane, 35c.
 White pears-Per bushel, $2S5. Beans-Navy. S2.25 per bushel; hand picked Lima, 7c.
 Grits-92 pounds, $1.65.
 Meal-"Jim Dandy" $1.1S.
 Macaroni, 6lRc
The Birmingham age-herald., 1906-11-04
Naval Stores.

Savannah November 9.-Turpentine firm, G6Ac; sales, none; receipts, 735; shipments, 463. Rosin firm; sales, 1436; re- ceipts, 2319; shipments, 23; stock, 67194. Quote A. B, c, $3.s5; D, sS.95; D, $40 405; F, $4.05@4 10; G. $4 .1Oq4.15; II, $4.150 40; l, $40; K, 47o; M, $4.9O; N, s5.4O; WIG, S6; wv, $6
 Charleston. November 3-Turpentine and rosn. nothing doing.
 New Orleans, November 3.--Naval stores: Pitch, $4.50; pine tar, S3.5O coal tar. $3.5O Resin firm. Quote: A. B, c, $3.S5; D, $3.95; F, $4dD4 .o5; F, $4.o5Q4 10; G, $4.1Oq416; H. A.15@I4. 20; ], $42O; K, $4.7o L, A.9O; N, $5.40: VIC, $4.6o; wv, St. Turpentne firm, 661ac.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1906-11-04
When Honeymoon Ends.

From the Chicago News.
 How asked the young man who had been in the matrimonial game for nearly a week, "can I tell when the honeymoon is over?"
 1t will be over,'' answered the man who had been married three times. ''when your wife stops telling things and begins to ask Questions.''
The Birmingham age-herald., 1906-11-04
Chicaqo 'Chanue.

Chicago, November 3.-Steady cables and small receipts in the northwest had a strengthening effect today on the local wheat market, but the tone at the close was little more than steady because of selling by pit traders. Final quotations on the December delivery were unchanged from those of yesterday. Corn was q shade higher. Oats were up 2su3ac Pro- visions were unchanged to 5c lower.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1906-11-04
Live Stock Market.

Chicago, November -Cattle--Estimated receipts, 500; market steady. Beeves $9 90 CT 25; cows and hefers. s1. 5Oq5. .25: calves s5075.75; stockers and feeders, $2. 60m4 5O
 Hogs-Estimated receipts 11,00O. Market steady. Mixed and butchers, $5. 90li6 421s: : good heavy, $630dt6 45: rough heavy, $5S5 d6O5; light, s5.S5G6. 40; pigs, $5. 4Oa6. 25 ; bulk of sales, $6.05m6. 35.
 Sheep-Estimated receipts. 3Oo0 Market steady, Sheep $3 2505. Go: yearlings, $5 .5OQ 65O; lambs, $f.5Cd7 so.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1906-11-04
Cotton Seed oil.

New York, November 3.-Cotton seed oil barely steady; prime crude, f. o. b. mills, 9c; do. yellow, 45c asked. Petrol cum steady; refined. New York, 7.50; Philadelphia and Baltimore, 7.45; do. in bulk, 435 Resin frm strained, common to good, $4.20@4 9. Turpentine firm, 691aQp FOG.
 Memphis, November 3.-Cotton seed oil, prime crude, soc; choice meal, $25.
 New Orleans, November 3.-Cotton seed oil, prime, 3Sc; crude, 2Sc.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1906-11-04
Bonds.
MoneX on Call.

New York. November 3.--Money on call nominal; no loans; time loans dull and firm; sixty and ninety days, 61s@7 per cent: six months, 6 per cent; prime mer- cantile paper, 6@l61s per cent; sterling eX- change firm, with actual business in bank CTS bills at 4S5. SOn4S5. 90 for demand, and at 4SO .50GD4s0 SO for sixty day bills posted rates, 4S1@4S6la; commercial bills, 4S0A@ 4SO1a Bar silver. 707sc; Mexican dollars, 545sc. Government and railroad bonds cta
The Birmingham age-herald., 1906-11-04
Feed Stuff.

Corn-No 2 mixed, 66c: white, roc. Oats-No. ? mixed. 43c; No. white, 46c; white clip, soc.
 Pure wheat bran. so or 100, s22. Cotton seed feed meal, s2o; prime, s27. Corn chops. S1.15.
 Corn hearts, SIPS.
 Shorts-1OO pound sack. $1.4o. Hulls-S SO-lb C. s., s9 ton; 20-lb. c. s., 40c sack; 1O0-lb c. s., $11 ton; 100-lb c. s., 45c sack: 10O-lb sack hulls, 6Oc.
 Hay-Choice timothy, $23: No. 1 timo- thy, s22 Johnson grass, $15 clover mixed s2050
The Birmingham age-herald., 1906-11-04

Southern Railway will sell round trip tickets to Columbia, s. C., on Nov. 4 aud 5 at the special low rate of SIP 225. Tickets limited for return un- til Nov. 9, 1906.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1906-11-04
Hides and Wool.

Green salt hides, No. 1. 10la@11c. Dry flint, No. l. 17019c. Dry salt hides, No. ?, 15d17c. Clear washed wool. 34M35c. Unwashed wool. 22@24c. Bury wool, 12M13c. Sheepskins, 40@$1.25. Tallow, 4@41ac. BeeswaX, 25c.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1906-11-04
Metal Market.

New York, November 3.-The metal mar kets were quiet, as usual in the absence of cables, but prices were well main tained. Spot tin nominal at s3275d43. Lake copper. 1.75d22. 50: electrolytic. s2l .506i 20; casting. s21 .25121.75. Lead unchanged at $5 7J6I5 95; and spelter at s6. 20d6.39 Iron was firm and unchanged.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1906-11-04

changed prices to an advance of points on light bull support in the absence of special offerings. Trading was very quiet and the market held around the opening figures with the close quiet net un- changed to points higher; sales were reported of 6750 bags, including December 615; January, 6.25; March, 6.45; May 6.65; July, G.S0. September, 6.95; Octo- her [
The Birmingham age-herald., 1906-11-04
Treasury Statement.

Washington, November 3. - Todays treasury balances. exclusive of the gold reserve, show: Available cash balance, s224, ,174,114; gold coin and bullion, $l13, 543, ,119
The Birmingham age-herald., 1906-11-04
Coffee Market.

New York, November 3.-Coffee-Spot Rio quiet: No. ' invoice 77s mild. steady; Cordova, SA@12
 Coffee futures opened steady at un-
The Birmingham age-herald., 1906-11-04
Clearinu and Exchanoe.

New Orleans, November 3.-Clearings. 1 $6,331 727: New York exchange, 75c dis
 count; commercial paper 6@S per cent.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1906-11-04
Seaboard Air Line.

Baltimore, November 3.-Seaboard Air Line, common and preferred, nothing do- ing.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1906-11-04

The best half-tone cuts are mads by the Gawk Engraving company. Age Herald Building.
The Brownsville daily herald. [volume] (Brownsville, Tex.) 1897-1910, 1906-07-19
TWO BATFLEshIP CONTRACTS.
Cramp & Sons and New York ShipbuiId.
ing Company Each to Construct
One Vessel.

Washington.-Secret Bona
parte announced today that after
consultation with the President it
had been decided to award the con-
tract for the new battleship South
Carolina to William Cramp & Sons
of Philadelphia, and that for the
Michigan to the New York Ship
building Company of Camden, n.
J. The Cramp bid was s., $40, 900
and the New York Company's bid
was S., 585, 900. The law provides
that only one ship shall be built
by one concern.
Construction of these ships was
authorized by the naval appropria-
tons act of 1905, but because of
the departments INDIGESTION as to
plans bids were only recently in
vited. The ships will disp1ace 49,
900 tons each and will carry a main
battery composed only of 12-inch
guns.
Announcement was also made
that the report of the Board of
Construction against turbine en-
gines on either of the battleships
has been approved and reciprocal
ing engines only would be install
ed. The department was strongly
inclined to contract for one ship
with turbines, but available infor-
nation of the performance of tur-
bines in large ships was held not
to warrant the experiment in a ship
so vital to the National defense as
a 10, OO0-ton battleship.
TIE Navy Department will close
1y watch the development of the
turbine, and within the year will
gain valuable comparative data
from the trials of three scout ships
of identical type which are to be
fitted, respectively, with recipro-
eating engines, the Parsons tur-
bine aud the Curtis turbine.
The Brownsville daily herald. [volume] (Brownsville, Tex.) 1897-1910, 1906-07-19
Penny Thoughts.

Heaven helps those who help
others.
Heaven despairs of the man who
despises men.
True religion nourishes the roots
of right doing.
The church that courts the rich
loses its rich.
Sometimes hiding another
faults heals Our own.
The man who is too previous is
sure to get procrastinated.
The hardest work some folks do
is telling how busy they are.
No amount of laundry in your
religion can make up for lack of
love.
You can not keep your eyes on
your watch and your heart on your
work.
There's no special merit in cast
ing bread on the waters with a
hook in it.
Many a mans religion would be
worth more if it had more Office
practice.
It's no use looking for mans
religion if it doesn't get into his
looks.
Two strings to your bow may be
all right if you can keep them clear
of our neck.
Some folks never think of Goals
of fire until August, nor cups OF
cold water until December.
The world would have a good
deal more faith in the church if
the church had less faith in figures.
The Brownsville daily herald. [volume] (Brownsville, Tex.) 1897-1910, 1906-07-19
U. S. Depository for Brownsville.

J. G. Fernandez, Cashier of the
Merchants National Bank, is in
receipt of a telegram from Secre-
tary Shaw of the United States
Treasury advising him the Mer-
chants National Bank Of Browns
vile had been designated United
States government depository. This
means that the United States gov
eminent will keep funds on deposit
in this bank, which speaks well
for this enterprising and progress
sive institution and for Browns
vile.
The Merchants National Bank
is to be congratulated on receiving
this appointment, it being the only
bank in this section of the state
designated a United States govern
ment depository.