Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1906-09-02
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2 proper nature submitted to The Star Inauirers
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ncuit conundrums answers may be delayed for
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THEoDoRE-My daughter is engaged to
a young man who devotes all his time to
writing poetry What shall I dot A
Read the poetry. II it is very bad there's
some hope yeti may force the young man
into some business where he can earn a
living.
P1TIFUL-The other day 1 met a man
who told me- with tears in his eyes. that he
was dying of exposure. Would II have been
right to refuse him aid? A.-That depends.
Was he a politician or a fnancier or just a
tramp1
LEARNED.-Dear Uncle Jasper. please
give me your opinion as to the quick
est way of digging the Panama canal A
Such simplicity! Hire an army of fox
terriers. take them to the isthmus and
yell rats" There's your canal!
milton Of charity. A.-when We were young
husky playmate beat US up so badly we
weren't able to 60 to school for a week.
We have loved that lad ever since. The
CHARITY was on his side.
TRULY RURAL want to tell you
something interesting. Uncle Jasper. My
nefghbor. Mr.. Jones. raised such a big
pumpkin this summer that he cut it in half
and made two cradles out of 1t for his
twins. Isn't that wonderful? A.-Not SO
very. Come in to town, Rury, and I'll show
you three policemen asleep a single
beat Gitap-the sleighng's fine.
v. o. P.-Please tell me the meaning of
the expression THE weakest must go to
the wall" A.-Certi Well do better than
that Co n the CanitQl a nd l0ok al of
the paintings of deceased members who
can't help 1t. The definition will suddenly
dawn on you.
BOTS a garter snake perfectly HARM
less? A-No. although most people think
so. We knew OF sad case once. Her name
garter snake became attached to her and
stopped her circulation No? Not yet? Try
algebra. Bot; try algebra.
Did you ever sit on a one-sided fried egg?
Did you ever shoot the chutes? Have you
been Chancelored?
ATH.-Do deaf mutes make good base ball
can't coach. The last game We saw the
deaf and dumb pitcher threw his arm out
of joint yelling to the men on bases
1.-THE double cross" quoth Napoleon as
he traversed the Alps for the second time.
And the expression stuck.
LITERARY.-Please give me a good def
milton of short story. A.-We'll do better
than that and give you short story:
Everybody loves to go to church" Snort
along, Lit: snort along.
BY those who would shine
In the humorous line
This truth must not be forgotten,
When you think you re just hne
That's absolute sign
That you're getting unspeakably rotten
Gosh! Amt 1t the truth? And 90 per.
sonal. too
next pole-seeking expedition. What qualifi-
cations must have? Avery great ones.
You must be able to walk across the bath
room 1inoleum in your bare feet without
swearing.
HOPEFUL have just finished writing
my first book, but am somewhat dissatisfied
with the ending. which is too gloomy.
Please give me a suggestion. A.-Divorce
your hero and heroine in the last chapter.
and everybody'll be happy.
JUMPY.-Uncle Jasper. don't you think
that the way the cars stop in this city is
enough to make a nervous person crazyf
A-Not quite; but we'd noticed, even be-
fore receiving your letter that 1t had a ten
dency to make crazy people nervous.
Lie down, Tower. do not bite the tele-
phone,
Rinkidy dinkidy jink!
Bryan Is the blink!
He made hit with his talk
And is cock of the walk,
don't think! l don't think!! don't thnk!il
UNCLE JASPER.