The Fairmont West Virginian. (Fairmont, W. Va.) 1904-1914, 1906-05-19

From The time man Is usbered inrod
existence and the first g1itterinS ray
OF sunlight brfsatens his physiognomyyl
and while he Is being nursed nurtured
and sondled into manhood. until he
has pulled the sled of life to the apex
OF the mountain of his earshly
achievements, has gently coasted
down the western slope Of Life and
plunged into the inevitable abyss Of
death. he expects the newspapers TO
watch with eternal vigilance over his
existence. subduing every act that
ne would rather not kaye published
and chronicifns his every fandables
deed IN the most fattering manner
\ Even before his lungs become sufh--
ciently inflated with hot air TO cry
for catnip tea or his muscles become
strong enough to manipulate the
pumping station Of a nursing bottle.
he, or his parents for him. expect the
editor to rush into print with flaming
headlines announcing the Intelligence
| that unto them fine looking. bright
boy OF more than ordinary weight and
happy home. when the matter might
have been more clearly or trutnfuIyI
stated by saying that a "cohcky.
weakeyed younSster was born to Mr.
and Mrs. Blank, and II he does not del
cieve his personal appearance he win
be the cause Of much worry on the
part Of his mother trying to keep him
out Of the fire and win ultimately cost
his sire several stacks of yellow chips
to put him sufficiently ahead of the
educational game to know when to lay |
down flush or come in out Of the
rain.
When he gets along further in life
by sudden rush Of sap thereto.
caused by receiving a diploma from
some high school or college. he expects
the paper to say that he has conquered
the world and all knowledge is unto
him given. thar life from thenceforth
will be one continual sweet song. void /
OF labor, worry or disappointments, |
and withhold the fact from MIN that |
as soon as the swelling goes down in
his head that he VIII have to hustle |
like the mischief or be left by the way !
side. Or. If he becomes too popular !
and his popularity becomes a menace
to society ne is bundled up and sent
for term of two years to the Legs
1ature. Then he expects his party or.
gan to call attention to his picturesque
campaign and show what great favors
his beloved fellow citizens have con
ferred upon him. rather than tell him
the truth about the matter
1t would be considered personal
insult to tell him through the columns
of the home Boomerang that he had
reached his zenith and his finish
would soon be clinaxed- No. that
would be treason to his party and an
insult to his constituents. He would |
much rather the editor would rush into |
his sanctum and in breathleSs man
ner snatch all the available bouquets
from the Office flower pot aud hurl
them recklessly at him without hesita-
ton or mental reservation.
And should he become a prosperous |
business man and the time comes when
ne wishes to cast aside dull care and |
betake himself to the nearest merropo-I
lis or some summer resort, where he
can nave good time and spend a lot |
of money that his family needs while |
his wife stays at home to look after I
the chickens and churning, then he
expects his home paper to state with |
straight couutenance that ne has
been away on very urgent business. so |
he can read the article to his wife when
he returns. Or If he IS a little more
reckless and falls OF the water wagon |
and stunnbles into the gentle arms OF |
the law and IS given a special invita-
ton to attend a little Social" next
morning given at his own expense over
which the mayor presides, then Of all
times he expects his paper to render
him Herculean service by committingI
criminal libel on the distinguished
person of John Doe.
So it goes through life, he covers up
his cussedensS and expects the lid to
be kept down until he winds up his
earthly career, then he expects the
paper to place its heaviest microscope
over his good deeds and reflect them
to the world. He expects his faults to
be carefully covered with good coat
Of moral veneer and large quanr-