davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Lexington dispatch. [volume] (Lexington, South Carolina) 1870-1917, 1906-06-20
ST, SWlTHIN AND RAIN.
The LeSen1 of the Chapel Over thu
Bishops Grave.

The Legend of the Chapel Over the
Bishops Grave.
The superstitions referring to par
ticular days are very numerous. The
legend Of St. Swithin is an example
that will occur to every one:
st. Swithin's day, II thou dost rain,
For forty days it will remain;
st. Swithins day, If thou be fair,
For forty days twill rain nae mair.
st. Swithin, bishop Of Winchester, ac-
cording to the author Of ''The Popular
Antiquities" was "a man equally not
ed for uprightness and humility. So
far did he carry the latter virtue that
on his deathbed he requested to be
buried not within the church, but out
side the churchyard on the north of the
sacred building, where his corpse might
receive the eavesdroppings from the
roof and his grave be trodden by the
feet of passersby. His lowly request
was complied with, and in this neglect
ed spot his remains reposed till about
100 years afterward, when a fit OF
pious Indignation seized the clergy at
the fact that the body Of so holy a
member Of their order was allowed to
occupy such a position, and on an ap-
pointed day they all assembled to con-
vey it with great pomp to the adjoin-
ing cathedral Of Winchester. Nhen
they were about to commence the cere-
mony heavy rain burst forth and con-
tinued without intermission for the
forty succeeding days. The monks IL
terpreted this tempest IS warning
from heaven of the blasphemous nature
Of their attempt to contravcne the dl-
rection of st. Swithin, and instead OF
disturbing his remains they erected
chapel over his grave" st Swithln IS
christening the apples is the more po-
etical way Of describing st. SWithln's
rain.
The Lexington dispatch. [volume] (Lexington, South Carolina) 1870-1917, 1906-06-20
The Counts Baseless Fear.

"I hat come" said the count, ito spik
to you, Meestaire Moneybag, about one
what you call heem important mat
taire."
"Ah, yes, count. understand! Have
a chair. You wish, I presume, to speak
to me about my daughter"
"No, pardon, not zat. I hat seen re
tax list where he say you hat only
fifty thousan' what you call heem dol
laire."
"Oh-ho, ho! That's all right, count.
Don't worry about that. My office boy,
to whom I had transferred $5,0O0,OO0
worth of gold bonds, which he held
while the assessment was being fixed,
has just handed them back. They're
here in the safe now. Do you want to
see them?'
''Merci, monsieur! You hat lift what
you call heem a weight from my mind"
Chicago Record-Herald.
The Lexington dispatch. [volume] (Lexington, South Carolina) 1870-1917, 1906-06-20
Succeeded Too Well.

The multimillionaire sits in gloomy
and lonely grandeur in the heart of his
vast forest preserve.
'It's a mistake" he signs. 'I went
too far. Now that I have bought up al
the land for forty miles in each direc-
ton and have fenced in the property
not a soul can come around to see how
1 am enjoying my money. I'll have to
induce some one to get out a court or
der compelling a road to be cut through
my property or I'll be as forgotten as
a hermit. t."-Judge.
The Lexington dispatch. [volume] (Lexington, South Carolina) 1870-1917, 1906-06-20
Brother Gardner
And Big Words
He Speaks Against Them and Rakes
His Comrades Over the
Goals.

fCopyright, 1875. by Mcclure, Phillips Col
n ny frens," :" said Brother Gardner
N Of the Limekiln club as he
rose in his place the other
evening, II want to say few
words to you on a subject dat has been
befo' us two or three times befo'.
am referrin' to de use Of big words by
members Of dis club.
"You all know my opinyun on de
matter, and yet it seems dat dar am
some among you who don't mean to
heed it. have allus held and allus
shall dat when q pusson can make
AisseH plainly understood by his feller
men he shouldn't go gropin' around in
de dark in search Of anything more.
When a man understands you to say
dat you will black stove for 25 cents
The Lexington dispatch. [volume] (Lexington, South Carolina) 1870-1917, 1906-06-20

"Have you been touching the barom-
eter, Jane?'
eyes, mum; I've just put it to very
dry cos it's my day out tomorrow
Tatler.
The Lexington dispatch. [volume] (Lexington, South Carolina) 1870-1917, 1906-06-20
Modern Titles.

s'Say, is the big noise in?" inquired
the visitor as he entered the Office.
''Naw. He's out feedin'.'
"Well, where is the chief gaZabo-the
one who has charge when the big noise
is out?'
Hes outa town."
"Ain't there some one here who acts
as the main squeeze when they're
away"
Nobody but me-
"And who are you?"
''I'm de small bunch-de guy what
sweeps out de Office. See?'-Milwau-
kee Sentinel.
The Lexington dispatch. [volume] (Lexington, South Carolina) 1870-1917, 1906-06-20
THE GIANT INDIANS.
Peculiar Ways Of the Onas of TERRA
del FueHo.

Peculiar Ways Of the Onas of TERRA
del Fuege.
The Onas, q tribe Of Indians inhabit-
ing the mainland Of the TERRA del Flu
ego island, are physical giants. Their
average height is over six feet. A few
are six and one-half feet; few fall be-
low six feet. The women are more cor
pulent and not so tall. There is no
race in the world with more perfect
physical development than the Ona In
dians. This is partly due to the topos.
raphy Of the country and the distribu-
ton Of the game, which makes long
marches across the country q necessity.
In mentality they fall far below their
physical attainments. In the past their
supply Of game has been plentiful, and
this may account for the lack of in
ventive genius among them. This lack
Of progressive skill is portrayed in their
home life, clothing and homes. Their
children suffer from It, for, contrary to
the practice common among most In
dians Of feeding, dressing and training
the children well, the Onas' little ones
are mostly naked, poorly fed and alto
gether neglected. They have abundant
material for supplying themselves with
clothing and homes, and yet they throw
few branches together, put skins over
the windward side and then shiver un-
der the miserable shelter.
Scientists who have made a study OF
the subject say that the language Of
the Onas is the strangest ever listened
to. Many Of the words are not difficult
to pronounce, nor is the construction
of the sentences difficult, but very few
words are interrupted by sound
which it is impossible to produce. The
speaker hacks, coughs and grunts, dis
torting his face in the most inhuman
manner, and then passes on to the next
stumbling block. The Onas live princt-
pally upon meat, which In former years
was obtained from the guanaco.-New
York Herald.
The Lexington dispatch. [volume] (Lexington, South Carolina) 1870-1917, 1906-06-20
Extravagant Economy.

YOEN JONES he was thrifty man
And Mrs. Jones was, 100
q That is to say,
Good Mrs. J.
Was thrifty and would do
Her share in saving, but she thought
Her husband was bit too taut
He kept the purse strings Led around
His fingers in twist,
And every time
She got dime
She had to force his fist.
Don't spend so much" he'd always
say.
"we're saving for rainy day."
John owned a lot Of property
In buildings. farms and grain,
With stock galore
And stuff in store,
But never stopped the strain
To gather in all he could get
Against the day that might be wet.
And still his wife could scarcely find
Enough to eat and wear.
Her bonnet had
Grown old and sad,
Her clothes made people stare,
But John stayed in his narrow way
And harped upon 1.-The rainy day."
Two years went by; John saved and
saved
Until the "wet spring" came,
When floods poured down
On farm and town
And washed away the same,
Including Johns possessions, which
BY now had made him very rich.
John and his wife took to the hills
To save themselves, and he
Began to swear
And rip and tear
At his adversely.
Indeed, it was enough to cause
A man to break the ten first laws.
But Mrs. J. was less disturbed,
And as she shook her head
At Johns distress
And wickedneSs
In swearing so she said:
"Now, John. don't carry on that way;
You saved it for rainy day."
William J. hampton in New York Trib-
Nne.
The Lexington dispatch. [volume] (Lexington, South Carolina) 1870-1917, 1906-06-20
Creatures of Impulse.

$50 you can't help stealing:' asked
the magistrate kindly.
"No, your honor; an impulse comes
over me that I can't resist"
"Too bad, too bad! An impulse to
send you up for six months is getting
hold of me. There! It's got hold. Six
months: can't resist. Impulse is Won
derful thing Philadelphia Ledger.
The Lexington dispatch. [volume] (Lexington, South Carolina) 1870-1917, 1906-06-20
STATE OF OHIO. CITY OF TOLEDO, !

STATE OF oH1O. SlI1 Oc lOLCOO,
LUCAS COUNTY.
Frank J Cheney makes oath that be is
senior partner of the firm of F. j. Cheney
& Co.. doing business in the city of To-
ledo, County and State aforesaid. and that
said firm will pay the sum of ONE HUN
DRED DOLLARS for each and every case
of Catarrh that cannot be cured by the
use of Halls Catarrh Cure
FRANK J. CHENEY.
Sworn to before me and subscribed in
my presence, this 9Th day of December,
a. D., 1855.
49,, A. W. GLEASON.
'oeai Notary Public.
Halls Catarrh Cure is taken Internally,
and acts directly on the blood and mucous
surfaces of the system. Send for testi'
monials free.
F. J. CHENEY & CO.. Toledo, O.
Sold bv all druggists. 75c.
Take Halls Family Pills for constipation
The Lexington dispatch. [volume] (Lexington, South Carolina) 1870-1917, 1906-06-20

.eS.W6kH ALONG COmESS 6hUNOH6S EAAESASA
WHITE.
s0r whitewash kitchen ceilin' for IS
I don't see whar any big words am
gwine to help de case any.
In the Grocery Store.
"a few nights ago was in grocery
nigh my house to git pound o sugar.
asked for one pound, and de grocer
understood. I didn't use no big words
in askin' for a pound, and he didn't
use any in sayin' it would be cents
and no trust. had got de sugar when
Kurnel Kabif come in. He had his hat
on his ear and was steppin' high and
didn't dun notice me- He wanted two
pounds O. oatmeal, and he walks up to
de counter and says:
Mistah White, de transcendent
qualifications Of your pre-eminent and
disqualified oatmeal has tempted me
to become purchaser agin.'
"He got his meal and walked out
wild a feeiin' dat he had crushed dat
grocer as fat as a pancake, but dat
am whar he was mistook. When Brud-
der Kabiff had gone de grocer turned
= to me and said:
IL dat am one of de fool niggers Of
your club you'd better learn him to
talk English
81 was In coal Office q few days
ago." contiued the old man, "and Brud-
der Samuel Shin dropped in to order
quarter Of a ton. 1t wasn't sufficient
for him to say how much he wanted
and hand ober his money, but he had
to swell out his chest and clear his
throat and roll up his eyes and obsarve
dat owing to de emblematical disquisi-
ton of de embargo he found hisself
PROFESSIONALLY fmpelled to purchase
less dan his usual quantity Of carnivo-
rous combustion. De look Of self COM
placency on his face as he walked out
would put a June mawEin' outer biz
ness purity quick. I notice dat Brud-
der Shin am wild US yere tonight, and 1
want to ak him what he meant by his
langwidge."
When twas transacted.
81 meant dat / hadn't only money
huff to pay for a quarter Of ton of
coal, sah," replied Samuel as he stood
up.
sBut why didn't you say so in plain
J English"
sI-I dunno, sab. Reckon it was be-
kase had been readin' Shakespeare
.sMebbe it was. You keep right on
readir' Shakespeare and talkln' big
words and you'll sit dar bimeby. You
kin sot down.
Zone day a week ago I was in a
lumber yard to git de old woman a
new ironin' board. De lumber man
and me was talkin' about de beef trust
and how much bigger it was dan de
United States when along comes Brud
der Flapjack White. He seed we was
taIkin', but he was so swelled up da1
he butted in wild:
"'sIistah Brown, it appears to be de
consensus Of de amriitication dat de
rotundity Of de times demands re
Elimination Of de economic conditions
'Hayin' got off dat speech, he bought
six pieces Of lath for a nickel anc
walked off. He bore hisself like mar
who had jest won a great victory, bu'
when he was out o hearin' de lumbe
man turned to me and asked If da'
was one of de lunatics of de Limekilr
club. He also said dat if ne had beer
alone he would have given Bruddel
Flapjack de boot. Stand up, brudder
and tell me de meanin' OF consensus"
Brother Flapjack In Doubt.
81 dunno. sah,' was the reply.
ssWbat am orotundity?"
"Can't dun say"
"Waal. what am rejunination?
"Reckon it has sunthin' to do wild
lumber yard"
"0h, you do. .Waal, take pleasure L
The Lexington dispatch. [volume] (Lexington, South Carolina) 1870-1917, 1906-06-20

DRESS GOODS AND SILKS.
We are receiving new goods in this de-
partment daily \
5O-inch Mohair, all colors ....... 48c
36-inch Brillantine blue and black. 25c.
27-inch China Silk, all colors. .,.... 48c.
18-inch White Jap Silk ............ 25c.
The Lexington dispatch. [volume] (Lexington, South Carolina) 1870-1917, 1906-06-20

informin' you dat it has heap mo- to
do wild fool. Sot down and rest your
weary limbs. BrudGeri Flapjack.
Zone evenin' not long since dropped
into cobbler shop to git lift put on
de heel of my shoe. De cobbler and me
was talkin' bout dat western con-
gresham who stole j millyon acres Of
government land, when Brudder Give
adam Jones walked in as if he owned
de airth and said:
"'Cobbler, de perspicacity Of de re-
dex impels me to eventuate de impos-
sibility Of de occasion. Can you do it
or not?'
"De cobbler sot dar wild his mouth
open and his eyes bulgin' out, and
Brudder Jones went on to make use Of
sich words as 'genuf1e1ions.' 'termi-
nate 'assimilate,' 'transmogrify' and
'abominate.' If I hadn't stood up and
told him to delineate his transportive
pathology out Of dat, don't know
what calamity would have happened.
Brudder Jones, stand up."
eyes, sah."
Brother Jones Is Reprovcd Also.
'eWhat was your errand in dat cob
bier shop?"
ITO git half soles on my shoes"
"Why didn't you tell de cobbler SOL"
II was gwine to, sah.''
"You wanted to git off de big words
first. see. What am genufexions?"
81 don't remember"
"What am assimilateW
"1t's when you dun feel bad"
"And transmogrify?
Cant say"
81 thought you couldn't. You may
set down. Brudder Jones, your record
in de Limekiln club am a good one.
Since bein' member you have killed
mad dawg, climbed creased pole.
shot an owl and kicked football over
a house. Don't get to be an idiot and
smash your record.
s'If Brudder Beebe am in de hall to-
night I'd like to say few words to
him."
Brother Beebe was there and stood
up in a nervous way, and after looking
at him for a few seconds the president
said:
"Brudder Beebe, was in butcher
shop one evenin' not long since when
you came in. You wanted pound Of
sliced bacon for breakfast, but you
couldn't dun say SO in plain words.
You had to ring in sich words as elm
mate, deductive, aspirations, contem-
plative and assiduous, and while tryin'
to foller you and wonderin' whether
you was a fool or villain de butcher
cut his thumb and throwed mutton
bone at you and chased you out. What
was your object in usin' dem, big
words %
'I wanted dat butcher to see dat I
was up to date"
"And if you was up to date, den
whatY'
''He wouldn't cheat me On de bacon"
Ibid you know de meanin' Of one Of
de words?'
"No, sah.''
"Jest shot 'em right off to scare de
butcher?'
eyes, sah."
"Waal, pore old man, set down. I
wish had some catnip tea for you.
II hain't gwine to say to de mem
bers Of dis club dat dey can't use big
words whenever dey wants to, but
what I wish to obsarve is dis: Dat de
next time one Of 'em am complained
of for a lunatic or fool we shan't
have any further use for him. We am
a plain lot Of men. We make use Of a
plain language. We call tater tater
and a pumpkin a pumpkin. If dar am
any among us who want to eventuate
de restorative or inculcate de impecuni-
osity Of de fiumdoodle let 'em go ahead
and see whar dey will bring up.
1--WE will now absquatulate de meet
in and prevaricate to our insidious
domicils." NJ. QUAD.
The Lexington dispatch. [volume] (Lexington, South Carolina) 1870-1917, 1906-06-20
The Idictic Joker.

The Observant Individual-How high
in the air the telephone company strings
it's wires!
The Idiotic Joker-Yes. Evidently it
wants to keep up the conversation
Judge.
The Lexington dispatch. [volume] (Lexington, South Carolina) 1870-1917, 1906-06-20
A Tender Appeal.


Pat-a-cake. pat-a-cakc,
Bakers man,
Bake me a cake
AS quick as you can.
For. on my word,
Afraid we are
To tackle another one
Made by ma
The last she made was all too doughys
Inside black instead Of snowy.
Outside pasty instead Of brown:
It wouldn't rise-but it had to go down!
It gave us all such indigestion!
Mothers cakes are out Of the question.
30 hurry up, please. and pat us a cake.
And we will eat the one you make.
Mother can't make 'em. but you can,
So pat-a-cake, pat-a-cake.
Bakers man,
Bake me cake as quick as you cant
Nursery Rhymes by Cousin Evelina
in Ally slopsr's Halt Holiday.
The Lexington dispatch. [volume] (Lexington, South Carolina) 1870-1917, 1906-06-20
Extremes.

Ida-She hates Jack.
Belle-And why?
Ida-Because when he meets her he
always says, There is nothing like old
friends getting together" She objects
to the ."-Detroit Tribune.
The Lexington dispatch. [volume] (Lexington, South Carolina) 1870-1917, 1906-06-20

The Candidate-And you might send
some eggs round to my hotel.
Village Elector-Yes, sir. How many
would you like?
The Candidate-I-I think I'll take all
you've got.-Tatler.
Perth Amboy evening news., 1906-04-05
THREW F~IRECRACKER
ON THE BRIDES HAT.

Sp.ciul tn the EVENING NEWS:
NEW BRUNSWICK, Apr. 5.-Wil-
liam Silver and his bride, Miss Will
hclmina Smalley, daughter of Will
liam Smalley, were quietly married
a5 the parsonage OF the German Re
formed church by Rev. NJ. H. DUAL,
Yesterday afternoon. The couple did
not want the ceremony known, but
he fates were against them.
Several Of the friends of the bride
learned Of it and showered them with
confetti at the Pennsylvania station.
IN the shower a fire cracker was toss
ed at the bride. 1t fell in her hat
and exploded, setting the hat aire.
Detective John White saw the blaze
and snatched the hat from The brides
head, thus saving her from injury.
Just prior to the ceremony the
father of the bride was stricken with
paralysis and had to be taken home
for medical treatment.
Perth Amboy evening news., 1906-04-05
MOSQUITOES
CONDEMNED
Assembly Has Passed the Bill
to Eliminate the Pest Up to
the Governor.

TRENTON, Apr. 5:-The House
had a busy time of it yesterday and
late in The afternoon adjourned for
The week. The most important meas
ure passed was the bill appropriating
s35G.OOO for The determination of
the mosquito pest. Not more than
$4,000 is 10 be spent in any n
year.
The bill TO restrict and regulate
pound net fishing was killed by a
vote of 20 to %.
Among the bills passed was the
one creating the borough OF Roose-
welt, MiddleseX county.
The Camden municipal ownership
bill was also passed.
Among the bills introduced was
one by Mr.. Jones, of Camden, pro-
viding that police justices and re-
corders shall be appointed by the
governor. Mr.. Jones introduced a
bill along this line Monday night,
but withdrew it yesterday, in order
to change it.
Governor Signs Bills.
Governor Stokes has signed the
following bills:
House. No. 205-Increases the sal
airy of the State Road Commissioner
from $500 to $1,000 per year and
The salary of the State Supervisor OF
Roads from $500 to $4,000.
House, 40. 217-Amends the
crimes act.
House, No. 31-Tncreases the sal
airy of the prosecutor of Passaic
county to $500.
House, No. 14l-Repeals the pro
baton act of 1900.
House. No. 142-Provides for the
appointment of probation officers and
defines their duties and powers.
House, no. 144-Authorizes the
courts Of criminal jurisdiction to re-
lease certain offenders under proba-
lion.
House. No. S3-Supplement to tau
act of 1905, to enable municipalities
in which no money was voted by the
people at the last fall election to pro
vide appropriations by ordinances OF
resolutions nj any time before July
next, providing that appropriations
shall not exceed fifteen per cent. OF
those voted at the last local election,
Perth Amboy evening news., 1906-04-05
-r-.s-zzs~u----
NSES IN
COUNTY COURT
ocrioi to tho ETENING NEWS

NBfrINi TO inc nv tNiN bS'
NEW BRUNSWICK. Apr, o
More licenses granted by the court
have been entered on the minutes,
Fifteen applications were laid over
until a week from Friday, among
them being three Woodbridge appli-
cations. those of lsidore Schwartz,
John Weygand and Petro F%unpretti.
Two are from Metuchen, being those
of Edward Busch. and Sidney Hulsiz-
or. both of whom want to run the
Metuchen Inn. Two applicants also
want the Laurel House, in South Am
boy, Josephine Jozentowski and Jo-
seph Skarcinski.
circumstances have been filed
o~aaiust The applications Of Mike Fe-
dak. Raritan township, and Andrew
AIlgair. S~ayreviIle.
The following applications were
sranted, in addition TO those entered
zap yesterday:
Woodbridge township-Paul How
aJh, John Nash, Jr., Joseph Kuhn.
Henry II, Hell, Jr., John II. Neville.
Walters d Weidenhauft, John Me
Nully. Thomas j. Macdonald, An
thony McNulty, Julia Fee, Robert j.
ponder. James u. Rogan, Paul Ku-
rek. Albert w. King. stephen Lovacz,
and William Irvine.
observation-disclosures LaWIess and
John -. McGinnis.
Perth Amboy evening news., 1906-04-05
E. w. SOARING WILL
LECTURE HERE TONIGHT

Edward w. Soaring, who will Ice
ture tonight at the high school on
"Mcaniug and Connection of His
tory has been for over twenty
years connected and interested in
hubble improvements of reform. Re
Gently he has given M all agitations
and stuck close to business, but as
the series given under the auspices
of the Raritan club is for an cduca-
tional movement and having other
influence brought to bear on him, he
Gnally consented to come to Perth
Amboy to lecture.
Mr.. Soaring came into notice in
1856 as one Of the law committee
in the Henry George campaign. Next
he prosecuted and gained convictions
against crooked politicians for brib-
cry in the reform campaign of Mayor
Strong. These were the first of their
Kind, and Mr.. Soaring was thanked
publicly by the district attorney. He
WAS in charge of cases at the Tombs
police court on last election for the
municipal ownership league.
His lectures on history were deliv-
cred many times in New York and in
the public schools. He has always
been a strong labor man, and is a
graduate of Columbia college.
Perth Amboy evening news., 1906-04-05

Eagle Hose Company will meet
tonight in an effort to reach final
conclusion regarding the trouble at
Monday mornings fire.
"A dance viii be given in Wilder
Hall Saturday night.
Lyman II. Howe's moving pic
ture company will appear in Wilder
Hall next Thursday night.
1t looks as though efforts are
being made 10 persuade Ridley, the
colored Jersey City pool expert, to
play Nelson, of Boston.
The suit of Joseph Herdely VS..
the DeLamar Copper Works will be
tried during the week beginning
April 1G.
-Today's examination in the
grammar schools of the city was in
the subject of grammar. Tomorrow
morning the subject will be history.
A trolley car bound up State
street, about 10 O'Clock this morning.
while going at fun speed, struck an
ice wagon belonging to c. NJ. Peter
son. No damage was done.
Work is brisk on the coal docks
where operations were resumed yes
terday morning and the North Am
boy saloons are not doing as much
business as they did on Monday and
Tuesday.
A sick Hungarian was taken
from SO Charles street to the city
hospital in the ambulance yesterday
afternoon.