Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1906-05-26
0PEN-CAR QUESTIONS
Some Why's and Wherefores
About Things as They Are.
OUT-AND-0UT END-SEAT HOG
How to Get Even With This Species
of Animal.
WOMEN ON THE REAR SEATS
Why Do They Insist on Sitting Therep
Spring Onion Odors-The
Bay Rum Haircut.
OUT-AND-0UT END-SEAT HOG
WOMEN ON THE REAR SEATS

ways suggests new reflections anent the
end-seat hog. The out-and-out end-seat
hog, by the way, does not, like the ground
hog, crawl into his burrow during the
winter. The out-and-out end-seat hog of
the ,open-car season Is the same chap who,
during the winter, clomps and sprawls over
half or dozen people or SO between the
acts at the theater to get a Glove or smoke
cigarette in the foyer. Thus he varies
his porcine activities according TO the sea-
sons.
There Is kind of halfway end-seat hog
who doesn't like to be considered as such.
He CLUES himself rigidly to the end seat
and forces you to squeeze past his sharp
knees-why do end seat hogs always have
such sharp, knobby knees land then he
turns to you with sort of apologize grin:
I'D ha' moved over" he says to you,
only l m going to get off directly"
Whereupon, just as like as not he rides
another fifteen squares or so, and you
actually get off before he does. This, by
the way, is a great satisfaction to YOU.
You have gloat coming when you en-
bark before the end-seat hog who has told
you that he intended to get off directly.
You look him right smack in the eye as
you get off, as much to say, Well,
you're an end-seat hog. all right in spite of
your disclaimer and you feel good over
his embarrassment. for this type of end
seat hog is really capable of feeling embar-
raSsment.
There are some men so dead set against
the end-seat hog business, however. that
they'll push over and give you the end
place even when they're going to get off
at the very next corner. But this breed is
rare. When you happen upon one of his
species you experience sort of stunned
feeling. When, after moving over and CIV
ing you the end seat, he climbs over you
and leaves the car at the very next corner.
you feel as If, somehow or another. he has
placed you under an obligation to him. And
he always steals a shy look at you. on get
ting off. that says as plainly as words.
We'll, you'll never be able to set me down
as end-seat hog, now, will you, hey?
Most Shameless Type.
The most shameless type of the end-seat
hog is the fellow who, after you have
pushed over and given him the end seat.
calmly declines to do the same for the next
person climbing into the seat. For exam
pie, you get into a vacant seat, and of
course you sit at the end, willing to give
up your place if the car picks up more pas
sengers. A couple of blocks ahead end
seat hog waiting on the corner spies the
seat in which you are the only passenger.
The instant his feet makes the running
board you move along and let him slip into
the end seat. When you do this, by the
way, he invariably looks you over, up and
down, as though he considered you most
inane and unqualified ass for your courtesy.
At the next corner couple OF women
folks, seeing that your bench has only two
passengers, essay to make 1t four. The
fellow to whom you have politely given
the end seat makes those two women climb
past his gnarled keens. and he does it with
the most perfect Sangfroid in the world,
probably whtstling plaintive tune as the
women struggle past him. II you do not
experience an almost irresistible temptation
to punch the head of the end-seat hog who
10 -tp in
ticular manner you're possessed OF an I'M
common amount of serenity and patience.
To the contemplative mind this ques-
ton must needs always present itself as
to the tenacity of the hog in hanging on
to the end seat: What fun does the end
seat hog get out o. 1t?
Surely the end-seat hog doesn't enjoy hav-
ing folks climbing; past him. particularly
fat, puffy folks, and very often consider
ably soiled folks, sometimes OF the other
color? 1t is hard to figure out just why
he wants that end seat so badly. The con-
ductor, collecting fares along the running
board is liable to. step up in front of the
man in the end seat and pull the hew-gag
to ring up a dozen fares or so, and to
have a conductors elbows in ones eyes
while he lurches back and forth heavily
surely can't be so much fun as to make
the end seat worth such lot as II seems
to be worth to the end-seat hog.
And then, too as the years drift by there
are ways and means being framed up for
1
hog If you have large, innocent eyes and
know how to enact a part well 1t is easy
| enough to make a vicious specimen of the
| end-seat hog seriously contemplate reform
ing.
Getting Even.
| When on stepping up on the running
| board. you observe that he is not going to
move over but intends you to squeeze past
| him, you can suddenly reach out, as if to
| clutch something to save yourself from
| falling and knock his nice, new straw hat
| over his eyes If it falls to the car floor
in front of him and breaks little hunk
off the rim, so much the better. Then, afte-
excusing yourself most profusely to the
| end-seat hog, you bring one of your heels
down upon his foot with whatever force
you care to put into that move, continuing
to look around with a bovine, innocent
stare. When his gasp of misery informs
you that you've stepped upon his foot you