Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1906-09-16

are harmful l always give up anything I
want before l want it very badly
Ihere was irony about this, too. But it
was necessarily unperceived by Maud
You, who get all you WANT she said
Lily got up. and began walking up and
down the lawn where they sat that bor-
deredslhe deep flower bed. All June was
in flower then, just as in herself all June
appeared to be Towering. 1t was no won
der that Maud thought that But all the
emotional baggage, that she had consist
entity thrown away all her life, seemed to
her to be coming back now returned to
her by some dreadful dead-letter office
on, yes, everybody else always thinks
one is happy" she said, 'ff one has good
more money than one really wants to
spend. Do you think 1 am happy?' she
asked suddenly.
Maud dropped her eyes.
No, | don't, If again you fish deem for
what think" she said.
Then you are two people, said Lily,
rather fercely. THE superficial Maud. and
another Maud who has to be angled for
you. And so is everybody who is worth
anything"
Maud paused a moment, knowing that
her slster-in-law hung on her words, and
wondered. "A couple of months ago she
would not have known what was meant
by there being two Mauds. But she knew
now; those weeks in Scotland had given
her the deeper self. without in the least
felt the joy of morning and evening, the
rapturous expectation of catching sea-
trout just as keenly as ever, but an inte-
rior life had awoke in her Lily, with her
husband and her children, of course knew
that; she had no fear of being misunder-
stood.
Il used to envy you so. Lily" she said,
for l thought that the you which all the
world knew and admired was all there
was. But since-well, yes, since 1 have
fallen in love, 1 know there is a more real
you than that; you that is more essen
tial. 1 don't think that that part of you
is happy, any more than Thurso is happy"
Lily sat down again, and before she
spoke she thought over her words.
Il would give, give up, a great deal
to make Thurso happy" she said. But
don't think we are happy together. 1 get
on his nerves."
Maud looked up at her, as If waiting for
more. More came.
"And he bores me-" said Lily.
There was long silence; bees visited the
flowers. making them bend and sway and
murmur to their buzzing; grasshopper
clicked and whirred on the lawn, swifts
swooped and chided together in sliding
companies. Then. such is the tragic habit
of the world it struck them both how I'M
like themselves. unlike the ordinary pre-
sentiment of themselves, that is to say, they
were being, and simultaneously they swan
up out of their subaqueous depths. But
the return to normal life was short; they
soon went down again, since those who
there 1t is only those who have talked
insincerely ON deep matters who prefer to
meet on the surface. But a few surface re-
marks followed
ut is always ones own fault If one is
bored" said Lily. 1T shows only that
bore is present who is probably ones self.
Yet, Maud II l tell him about all the ba-
Zaars and sales and so on he is bored. And
they do make up big part of my life"
ION the surface" said she, "if we are
being frank"
mo, not on the surface; the deepest and
most real part Of me is sorry for poor
things and it expresses itself thus And 1T
is exactly that which gets on his nerves.
If get up from lunch before have eaten
anything. because I have to go to some
thing of the sort, get on his nerves by
doing so. He thinks l am restless. In
way am restless. 1 want to do something
for other people rather than eat outlets my
self. What do you want me to do? What
does he want me to do? Eat opium instead
with him."
Maud gave a long sigh.
.Oh. that was a pity" she said.
"Yes. II was a pity: our attitude toward
! each other is a pity. But let us be prac-
tica' l always want to be practical. What
am l to do about a hundred things?'
Lily got up again. She was, as she had
said. always practical, and she was always
restless. This afternoon. in particular.
after her inconclusive watchfnlness of the
night before, she lolged to pin herself down
or to be pinned down to course
Of conduct. She wanted a definite