davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Washington herald., 1906-10-29
segregation No Bar to Comfy.

From the Philadelphia Ledger
Racial differences are ineradicable. and
there are abundant reasons why they
must be SO. The Oriental human product
is 50 totally different from the Occidental
that any attempt at amalgamation is
bound 10 result in failure This is not
10 say that one is necessarily better
than the other. but the differences have
to be recognized. and il is the failure
to DO so that constitutes the great cause
OF the racial conflicts OF our own time
When japan recognizes that political and
international comfy can exist without
the social iutermingllng Of her people
with those of the white races. she will
lose the supeTsensitive agitation over
Califarnia's exclusion Of some japanese
pupils from the public schools.
The Washington herald., 1906-10-29

also read law at nights and odd times. He
was admitted TO the bar in 1885 when
twenty-one years of age.
So here we have Slinkard as he modest
Iy. appears to Slinkard. We shall watch
his career with pride and confidence. His
middle name is well chosen, and shows
that the fates presided at his birth and
christening. LycuTgus made just laws tor
the ancient Spartans, and then, leaving
them for journey 20 other lands he I'M
posed upon his countrymen the solemn OBJ
legation not TO amend or repeal one OF
his statutes until he returned. Lycurgus
never returned; and as long as the Spar
tans kept his laws inviolate they were
great and prosperous.
The Hoosiers have raised up another
Lycurgus-that's what they have done.
The Washington herald., 1906-10-29
ON MAN GIDDLES' OPINIONS.

Friends are the people who allow you TO
tell them about having your teeth pulled
Among all the eccentricities Of genius
they have never listed a fondness for
raisin pies.
The ordinary man would Ike to provide
in his VII that his widow should wear a
mourning veil half an inch thick until she
Is seventy.
Instead of asking gossip. How do
you know most OF US ask, What else
do you knOw?"
Some young couples think they are af-
inities because they have the same fond
ness for chocolate candy and ice-cream
soda,
The man who has a kind word for
everybody generally is suspected Of bav-
ing something up his sleeve.
If a man would sit down Of an even
ing and count the number OF polite lies
he has told during the day ne would
think more about the hereafter.
Why do you complain about reform?
II IL reformed everything and everybody,
OF anything or anybody. you wouldn't
have anything left to complain about.
WILBUR NESBIT
tCopuight. 1896. by W. y. Nesbi;)
The Washington herald., 1906-10-29
NEGRo WOMAN HONORED.
Tribute OF Southern Women 40 a
Loved and Faithful Dependent.

Frbm the Augusta Chronicle
In Alabama. last week, an aged negress
died-"Aunt" Clarissa. Following her re-
mains to the grave were. among other
vehicles, six carriages occupied by the
leading white women of the community.
On her grave there were piled myriads
Of floral tributes, the finest display OF
offerings OF the kind ever seen in that
section Of the country. Twenty-Five
wives Of farmers and business men heard
the sermon over the grave, by Aunt
Ciarigsa's negro pastor. The pastor
among other things, said:
Much Is said Of the race problem, Of
the present and future relations Of the
black men and the white men. / am
willing TO say that if all negroes lived the
life this dead sister has lived, the race
problem would be solved"
Aunt" Clarissa was eighty years OF
age al the time Of her death. Fer fifty
years she had lived in one white mans
service. She had cared for his wife and
children and grandchildren. She was the
person in the household who handled the
money. She bought the household sup
plies She rendered accounting 20 no
one. She paid herself her own salary
She saved All she made. She was more
than. housekeeper She was friend"
It is said that at the burial to the
sObs and tears Of relatives were added
the manifestations Of sorrow Of the white
women, and that the lady in whose home
Clarissa had lived was deep IN angus h.
This is a suggestive picture In contrast
with the cry Of negro orators and poll
ticians that is heard these d3ys-the CRY
Of the negro who claims that his race Is
down trodden by the white man. Aunt
Clari 81 lived a life Of integrity, Of use
fulness. and Of uDrightness. In life and
in death she was accorded honor and re-
spect.
The Washington herald., 1906-10-29
CIearine.house for Thoughts.

From Chicago comes news which
should cause the most hardened pessi-
mist TO sit up and blink his weeping eyes
It relates 10 no less a matter than the
establishment in that city of what is de-
seribed as "an international thought
clearinghouse, where thinkers may have
their doubtful thoughts confirmed. con-
deEsed, atCned, and turned in good
order" The Worlds New Thought Fed
GRAFTON is responsible for this latest ad-
dition to the wonders of moral and men
tai advancement, and it Is further stated
that the federation wants people to
send in haZy mental Impressions for
which they cannot account" with the
end in view Of obtaining information
OF real psychological value"
We do not like 10 believe that the Fed
eration's remarkable scheme springs
vague and impotent from "the mad pride
of intellectually" for the reason that.
if practicable, it would AT once open a
short cut in the direction of human con-
tentment, and within a period Of two or
three generations at most would land
us free from the sordid stains of this sin
ful world in the longed-for millennium
No; let US rather hope that the Worlds
New Thought Federation car deliver the
goods. Then. with the machinery Of the
thought refinery in good working order
the commencement orator will only have
himself to blame if he fails to make his
thoughts an uplifting force out yonder
in the busy avenues of industry. The
minister OF the Gospel VIII find a way
TO satisfy the spiritual cravings Of every
hungry soul No longer will heWilder-
ed and headstrong flock wander among
dogmatic brambles and entangle their
feet in worldly snares. The spelIbinder
likewise, at last untrammeled by hazy
mental Impressions for which he cannot
account. viii mount The cleaning sky as
biithe as any lark. His bugle cali win
move the masses far along the craggy
slopes Of human progress. Till by COM
paTison the breezy call of incense breath
ing morn viii be frazzled into the
noisome semblance of a beery howl from
the cool, sequestered shade of the gas
house
And the editor Of the future? No more
perfuncJory skits and lay sermons and
diatribes-no more half-baked statements
----- NDi4Nat.-4tAlo anu peri BfAA6a lLS Lpt
him. He viii be all right. It will cheer
and almost inebTiate the steady citizen
Old Subscriber, Vox Populi and that ilk-
10 ind the editorial columns Of his
fav0rite paper always gushing full Of
sifted thoughts to which no exception
may be taken by the most jealous de-
fender Of free institutions and the flag
we all adore We can almost believe that
bis words. even before they leave the
New Thought newsboy's hands. will be
echoed back from the reverberating fu-
tuTe, stamped in letters OF living light
with the hallmark Of posterity. His
trenchant quill will be a trenchant quill
indeed-a gull Of quality-a goose-bone.
as it were. vocal with songs of good
cheer and the rejuvenesceuce Of tbs
wicked old earth into a sweet-scented
sphere where every prospect pleases anu
man is never vile.
The Washington herald., 1906-10-29
THE INNOCENT BYSTANDER.
AFTER MIDNIGHT.

The freight throws rs dtiul ray.
The drpwsy shadows creep about
50 the clock ticts the Night aWay,
And all The world Is dark without
The clocks unctasing monotone
Beats cn ard on. and seems 70 say:
"fhe world has left ne here alone;
I ties the night awsy-zUay."
It's beats drop into svayinz rhyma:
It sings thc song Of changing years:
/ tell the tale u tirelcss ime.
I take the t0H of smiles and tears,
beat thl ally-rcJl Of war.
! bring peace following the fray.
Or master proud. CT seTvitor.
I tick his hours aWay-lU8v.
7 have no heed for what Is gone,
no hesd Tor shat is get 20 BE-.
NJ care for twilight or for dawn
Bgth. ite, and death ar mt in ne;
Z measure pathways for the ssars.
] lead the SUI aCTu8 TIC day.
marx The rhythm nothing mars
] tck the sears away-asay.
4 know Of neither 5oy nor voc.
have no need of field or toWn.
By my rlle mrsj the empires gr0H.
! uIst the shscElcs and the cTUsu.
BEAT HsisrieslY aloug
Unhearins c1ics q Haste" or STAY
snd % d1st both Tisht and wToug-
J tlek thela ali awsg-zUsy-
For neither death nor life / Wait.
For herucs' strength. or coWarts cries;
! change the ulaoe % low and great,
I baale ignorant and wise;
] chant q hunger and OF feast,
! an the pulse Of work and play;
marx Tine marching from the East
tieh al things sWay-away.
And y0u who sit, and smoke. and dream,
] beat the measure q yoaT thought.
] bring the hopes aIil W1ndrOus CLEAN.
| end The things that yJg have wrought,
care not fer your mutteTed curse.
haTk not II yOn plead OF pray.
II love you hold OF hate yol uurse-
tick Jour life sway-away."
The Washington herald., 1906-10-29
A LITTLE NONSENSE
BE JOYFUL


Don't be glum and gloomy;
Let your troubles spin.
Cultivate a roomy,
Wide, expansive grin.
II you lose your money
Through somebody's guile,
Laugh and call It funny
And
Smile, smile, smile.
Be as bright and CHEEKY
As a Cheshire cat
You will make folks weary
Sure. But what Of that?
Take no heed of sorrow;
Swallow all your bile.
Whistle down the morrow
And
Smile, smile. smile.
All the bards that scribble
Gayety adore.
They would have us dribble
Mirth from every pore.
Grins and chuckles mellow
Now are all the style.
Be a friendly fellow.
And
Smile, smile. smile.
The Washington herald., 1906-10-29
Insurance Companies on Defensive.

HON Lle Bl5fQ1 IFansTIri.
The officials Of these companies have
been put on the defensive. not merely
with respect 20 their administrative policy
but also on account Of the arbitrary
methods employed 10 compel their gen
eral agents 20 sink their own independ-
ence and work as these officials personal
representatives. They have been COM
PEELED 10 make numerous explanations
that DO not fully explain and deny pur-
poses that we're only too plainly manifest
I'm that liue Of tactics that has been pur-
sued The next TWO months will be q
period Of great activity in these insurance
circles. The voting viii drag out v. rse
than an English parliamentary election,
but the field is 80 wide there is no help
for it,
The Washington herald., 1906-10-29
RepreheusIbIe Tactics in Insurance.

From the Boston Transcript
The Mutu7l Life has adopted the mosc
reprehensible tactics known 10 politics TO
mislead its policy holders. 1t has put every
obstacle in the way OF reaching them
It's lists have been imperfect. and from the
number Of letters returned the addresses
ia thousands Of eases must have been
false. Rarely if ever before have the
worst eNPedients Of politics been so boldly
res0rted to in what should be purely a
business transaction. The management
has resorted to every possible device 10
prevent "A fair expression OF opinion on
the part of these who are most concerned
IN H. the International Policy Holders
ticket represents wholesome protest
against the Hearstism of administration
tactics
The Washington herald., 1906-10-29
Selecting His Nose.
From Tit-Bns.

i'it Ait-H4t9.
A young gentleman. recently engaged 20
The girl he adOred. unfortunately had his
nose broken while playing cricket. 4
doctor was hastily summoned, but the
victim of the accident would not accept his
services until he had received an answer
to telegram just dispatched. Two hours
later the reply came. Ii was from his
lady love, and the young gentleman hand
Cd II to the doctor, saying, resignediy,
Go ahead nowI"'
The reply to the wire was: Have nose
set Roman, do not like Greek.-Ada.'
The Washington herald., 1906-10-29
~Biddy, Diddy."

From the Christian Register.
No one could imagine what a speaker
meant when he said. "Biddy. diddy." and
then stepped, and after moment of con-
fusion said. 'Diddy, biddy.' and then.
with scarlet face and coldly peTspiring
brow, gasped out, "Diddy. hiddy, biddy
doo?H Then he had to sit down and rest
awhile before he could say, Did he bid
adieu2"
The Washington herald., 1906-10-29
Loud Political Thinks.

From the Rochester Herald.
John Sharp Williams says that DIR.
Bryan's government ownership theory is
simply Mr.. Bryan's private opinion 1T
doesn't seem 20 have been kept very pri-
vate however, observes The Washing
ton Herald. 1t simply shows that Mr.
Bryan thinks aloud; and nowadays thinks
are aloud in politics.
The Washington herald., 1906-10-29

Three Columbia students used up about
two columns Of space In the New York
Evening Post telling why they are
against Hearst" They ought TO wait until
next commencement. when they would un-
doubtedly be listened 20 with marked
and Well-meTited attention"
The Washington herald., 1906-10-29
Foxy Dad.

PA. can't wear these clothes another
winter"
Glad TO hear IT, daughter The new
styies are much more henlthfuIT
And pa hasn't heard anything on the
subject since.
The Washington herald., 1906-10-29
Fixed.

Frcm the Philadelphia Press.
But said the good old lady. why
don't you go to work."
"Why, ma'am, began the disreputable
old loafer. yer see, got a wife an five
children 10 support"
But how can YOU support them If you
C.In't go to work ?"
"As I was a-sayin lady. got a wife an
five children to support me-"
The Washington herald., 1906-10-29
Different Views.
From the Milwaukee sentinel

Frorl the Milwaukee Sentinel
what are sou crying about, my dear?"
Il have just been reading the old love
letters you sent me before we' were mar
ried"
How strange. 1 was reading them my
self the other day and they convulsed me
with laughter
The Washington herald., 1906-10-29
Happy.

From 1IeggeGdorfer Blaetter
Mrs. Newlywed-My husband admires
everything about me; my voice, my ewes.
my form, my hands,
Friend-And what do you admire about
him?
Mrs. Newlywed-His good taste.
The Washington herald., 1906-10-29
NnTrnnm.

why are they kicking about smoot?'
They say he's controlled by a church" +"
'Oh. see. ] s'pose II Il was a trust or
a combine or a gang Of ring politicians.
il would be all right"
The Washington herald., 1906-10-29

The American Bankers Association ad-
journed without solving the problem OF
how to get more mOaey in emergencies.
We know other folks who have frequently
adjourned without solving the same
problem
The Washington herald., 1906-10-29
His Chicf Intercsf-

From the Philadelphia Public Ledger.
yes. he was pretty we'll fixed at one
time, but he got silver-erazy in 1896 and he
81 al Re had"
Z suppose he's still interested in free
silver at Is to l.
no. he's more Interested now in free
lunch u 10 / "
The Washington herald., 1906-10-29

2Ir. Bryan declares that Mr.. Roosevelt
has adopted all his policies. and now all
that is necessary 10 complete the Presi-
dents greatness Is a Democratic House
Mr.. Bryan evidently hopes 20 go down
in history as a near-P President, IL not q
President.
The Washington herald., 1906-10-29

An enthusiastic Chicago man threatens
10 appeal 10 the juries OF the country,
rather than stand for the proposed gigan-
tic packers combine" 10 may set become
necessary for the combine 10 pack the
iurles along with its other products.
The Washington herald., 1906-10-29
Let 1t Grow.

From the Kansas City Times.
First Bug-Who on earth is that long
haired individual?
Second Bug-Thats Mr.. Caterpillar. He
made a freak election pledge ten years
ago never to cut his hair until ". J.
Firefy becomes President.
The Washington herald., 1906-10-29
nunnl Tragedy.

Said the duke to the duchess, "Me moneys all
spent
Pray drop me a SOW in me mitt
To the duke said the duchess. You don't get
ntr'
Said his dukeIets, Then here's where quitP'
Cleveland Plain Dealer.
The Washington herald., 1906-10-29

Right on the heels of the announcement
that Judge Parker is praying for Hughes
election, Mr. Cortelyou ran over to New
York for the purpose OF looking the sit
uation over"
The Washington herald., 1906-10-29
Bad Luck Pursues Him.

II any officer OF the United States
army has cause 90 think that the f3tes
are against him. surely that officer Is
Maj. Gen. 4. W. GreeIy. Years ago
when promotion in the army was so slow
as 70 discourage the most loyal and faith
lul officers. Ger GreeIy was lifted
from the line and transferred 10 the staff
under the old system Promotion in rank.
came with this transfer but the old stafs
system was charged with such little work
that its members were seldom given an
opportunity 10 distinguish themselves.
Cen Greely was chief OF the Signal
Corps. when that branch Of the service
had almost nothing 10 do. Thus. for yelrs
he had no chance 10 perform active ser
vice. Not long ago he was promoted 20
the grade Of major general. and assigned
10 command on the Pacific Coast When
the terrible earthquake devastated san
Francisco. Gen. GreeIy was in Washing
ton on leave Of absence 10 attend the
marriage Of his daughter. il thus fell
70 the lot Of the lucky Funston. second IN
command Of that department 10 do the
first and most spectacular work perform
ed by the army in that catastrophe Gen
Greely hurried back 20 his post with all
possible speed. and rendered most valu-
able service. but Funston had previously
become identified in the public mind with
The army's notable performance. Gen
Greely is now commanding the depart
ment in which the tie Indians are on The
warpath. but il seems that bis ill-iuck is
still pursuing him, foT ia the arrange
ments made in Washington for the prose
cution Of the campaign against the ties
Cen Greely appears 70 have been COM
p.ete:y left out. II is said furthermore.
that just before the Ctes left their reser-
walton and took 30 the warpath, Gen.
GTeely was stricken with Illness and was
forbidden by his physician to perform any
active work
The Washington herald., 1906-10-29

rest the mischievous microbes" We pre-
sumo one would never De SICK If these po-
Hcemen did not occasionally go to sleep
on their beats.
The Washington herald., 1906-10-29
Ma struck Home.

'PaW-uh.'
What is IL. johnny"
What Is meant by striking homer"
Dumping into the house at . a. m"
broke In ma. and then pa slammed on his
hat and marched down to the corner sa-
loon.
The Washington herald., 1906-10-29
In Russia.

From the Louisville Courier-JouInal-
How far off is the Hotel Gaspipesh?7
Not far, moujik."
Well, how far2"
About bombs throw"
The Washington herald., 1906-10-29
Planted and Growing.
From Life.

From Life
rs it true that the Presidents yacht,
the Mayfiower, is aground
Il hadn't heard Of it.
We'll. this paper says that she went to
New York city and took Root there.
The Washington herald., 1906-10-29
ConnnnrIsnn.

so we've been to Moo York Purity busy
place, eh?"
''Yaas. purity lively It's as busy there
every day as PlunkviIle IS Of a Saturday
afternoon"
The Washington herald., 1906-10-29

Japan would not make a mistake by
giving serious consideration 20 the words
OF John Lawrence Sullivan about the fate
OF the man who goes into the ring once
too often.
The Washington herald., 1906-10-29
A TARTAR.

Hes glad TO see his ma-in-law;
She's welcome TO q nook.
lie knows the old girl will outlaw
And teTrOriZe the cook
The Washington herald., 1906-10-29

The Connellsville Courier boasts: we
have a 100000 heiress. Things are coming
our way" What sort OF things? Counts
and dukes and things?
The Washington herald., 1906-10-29

Another OF George WashingtUn's serv-
ants has passed away Judging from the
number that have passed away we infer
that he found It necessary TO change just
as often as we latter-day folks
The Washington herald., 1906-10-29

The first issue of Mr. Patterson's Daily
Socialist announces that a financial panic
is at hand Evidently some of the de-
lights of the newspaper business are al
ready beginning to dawn upon Editor
Patterson.
The Washington herald., 1906-10-29

President Castro is said TO be quite well
again. The reported arrival Of a man
with a million dollars somewhere con-
ceaied about mis- person was bound to
bring the President round
The Washington herald., 1906-10-29

a Chicago woman wants a divorce be-
cause her husband ''blacked both her
eyes and smashed her nose" With the
eyes and the nose both claiming equal
attention, naturally she calls for a divi-
sion of the house.
The Washington herald., 1906-10-29

Scientific experiment has demonstrated
that fresh eggs contain many microbes
In selecting fresh eggs in preference 70
the cold storage kind. the micrObe again
demonstrates Just how wise and foxy ne
can be when occasion demands.
The Washington herald., 1906-10-29

Miss Anna Held is very angry because
the public speaks so 1ippantly of the loss
of her diamonds. In fact, she intimates
that this is positively her farewell loss.
The Washington herald., 1906-10-29

I desire TO preserve the Democracy %
says MT. Hearst And yet many Demo
Gratis contend that he is getting it into a
pretty pickle.
The Washington herald., 1906-10-29

French experts contend that the SUBJ
marine is a great success. Notwithstanding
the fact that it generally fails to come
up when it once goes down. The opera
ton Is a beautiful and brilliant success.
even though the patient does usually die
The Washington herald., 1906-10-29

Learn to DO by doing" says the In
danapolis Sun. Exactly; but be careful
about picking out the ones you expect to
do
The Washington herald., 1906-10-29
Modest Maid.

Dearest. ] am not worthy Of you"
why let that worry you. George? Who
is?"
The Washington herald., 1906-10-29

New York chauffeurs are on a strike.
How in the world do you suppose the
walking delegates ever got to them?
The Washington herald., 1906-10-29

Il will be noticed that no one has had
the nerve so far 10 advocate simplided
baseball gibbeTish.
The Washington herald., 1906-10-29
PEOPLE OF NOTE.
Lodge Has No phone.

One development Of the exciting cam
paign in Massachusetts which has caused
general surprise and comment Is that Sen
ator Lodge does not keep a telephone in
his residence, and, moreover, that he is de-
eidedly averse to using the telephone un-
der any circumstances. The Massachu-
setts statesman is one OF the few mem
bers Of Congress VINO 90 not have tele-
phones in their Washington residences or
apartments. In his committee room at
the Capitol, Senator Lodge has a tele-
phone, but it has been noticed that he
personally uses this very seldom. 1t Is
only to talk with the President on im-
portant pressing matters Of legislation
that Mr.. Lodge has ever been known to
converse over the phone. Just what his
objection is to the telephone IS not known.
though that his aversion is strong is q
well-established fact. Senator Hale, by
the way. Is another statesman who en-
Ploys the telephone rarely, and his com
mittee room Is the only one at the CAP
itol that is not supplied with one
The Washington herald., 1906-10-29

Prof. Lowell says that every inhabitant
of Mars is suffering with a frightful and
unquench1ble thirst Mars must be a
sort Of Celestial Kentucky.
The Washington herald., 1906-10-29

\ South Carolina clergyman omitted his
customary sermon. and asked his congre-
cation 10 excuse him. for the reason that
hc had been so busy attending weddings
the week before that he hadn't time TO
prepare one. The excuse ought to suf-
fee; weddings are more important than
sermons.
The Washington herald., 1906-10-29

A fashionable Ohio clupwoman has mar
ried barber, but even that formidable
combination viii have q hard time out
talking the neghborS
The Washington herald., 1906-10-29

A scientist states that every human be-
ing has within his body squad Of mi
orobe policemen. whose duty it Is to ar
The Washington herald., 1906-10-29

AIr. Hearst solemnly warns his New
York followers 30 beware of money. ."
They are doubtless constantly on the look
out for H.
The Washington herald., 1906-10-29

That New York man who wants to es-
tablish magazines for the insane might
save time by simply endOwing Il few OF
those already in circulation.
The Washington herald., 1906-10-29

The Republican bosses like the Pitts
burg Eillionaires. notes an Alabama ex-
change. The Republicans are not rs par
ticUlaT about picking their millionaires
this year IS they usually are.
The Washington herald., 1906-10-29

We shudder to think OF the many terri
ble things that are not going to happen
10 New York, no matter which way the
thing goes