The Lexington dispatch. [volume] (Lexington, South Carolina) 1870-1917, 1906-06-06

hurry either. He sat around like boy
with the toothache, and once or twice
be seemed to be on the point of going
home. A policeman finally sauntered
up and said:
"These benches are for the use of
skaters"
"Well, amt a skater?" replied Mr..
Bowser.
"You don't look like it to me. You
look more like man who'd roll around.
However, if you are skater get busy"
The conversation was overheard by
half u dozen people, and, being put on
his mettle, Mr.. Bowser began to fasten
on his skates. He had had them on
for five minutes, looking distrustfully
at the ice all the time. when the police
man came along again and said:
"What! Loafing around yet? If you
can't skate you'd better give that rig to
some cross eyed orphan boy. Shall I
get ten-year-oId girl to take your arm
and tell you which foot goes first?'
He Ia Guyed.
"You can mind your own business,
sir" replied Mr.. Bowser as he got the
boiled lobster color in mis- face.
Don't sass me!'
"And don't you be guying me!'
The officer walked on, and score Of
skaters gathered around Mr.. Bowser
and INDUCED in such remarks as:
"I'll bet he'll show us a few tricks
when he does get started"
"Tll bet so too. He's got the right sort
Of legs for skater"
what are you guys talking about?
Can a cider bar'l skate?'
''If he's going to smash the ice I'm
going home to play with my rag dolly"
said girl Of sixteen.
Mr. Bowser had to get move on
him. I could read his thoughts as plain
as print. He was saying to himself
that he'd give a thousand dollars if he
was safe home with me and the cat. 1t
was too late for that. He got up and
wabbled around and finally reached the
ice and grabbed hold Of a bush to
steady himself He was standing there,
with his eyes as big as saucers and his
chin quivering, when there were some
more remarks. They were to the fol-
lowing effect:
"Some one get him a pair of
crutchesv'
"If you can't skate get down and roll
overr'
"By George. he thinks he sees a
ghostr'
Hang to the limb, old coon! If you
move you are goner!'
"Oh, shut up, and give the old gent
show! He'll start off pretty quick and
make us all look silly"
Then the girl who had spoken before
Clipped in with:
"My ma told me that if the baby ele-
phant broke loose and got on the ice l
was to come right home and study my
spelling lesson
His Usual Finish.
Poor Mr.. Bowser had to draw long
breath, commend Lis soul to higher
power and get a hump on him. He
hadn't scrambled along over ten feet
when one of his legs went up in the
air. he spun around two or three times
and then came down with jar that
Don Castro would have paid a thou
sand dollars for to present to the
French cable company. My shrek
was echoed by fifty others, and the po-
lceman came running up and grabbed
the Door victim by the collar and drew
him to land and said:
Its the same old coon that was sit
ting around here ten minutes ago. l
tod him then that he was no skater
''Is be dead?' asked one OF the
crowd.
''No. but he's got a lesson. That
lar has sort Of driven him together,
and he won't be more than five feet
high after this. Does any one here
know him|
81 went forward and gave his iden-
tity and address. and the ambulance
was summoned, and he was conveyed
home. They told me he was very
quiet on the trip. AS he was carried
into the house he simply sighed. AS
got out plasters and liniments and
cared for him he looked at me in
puzzled way and muttered something
about pigeon wings. have had the
doctor for him, but the NJ. D. says that
no bones are actually broken. 1t is a
case Of telescope. The victim is still
lying in a lethargic state, opening his
eyes and looking around now and then,
and it will probably be another week
before he can shout "Woman!' at me
and announce that I can 60 home to
mother while he is arranging about the
divorce. Meanwhile all reports Of his
untimely demise may be contradicted
by the press. SARAH BOWSER,
Wife Of Mr.. Bowser.