The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1906-07-25
down. Can't you tell that those
screens are for the back bedrooms up-

He sat down. breathing hard and
the right screens and fitted them in a
jidy. He felt ashamed Of his display
Of temper and started in to tell me that
he didn't believe l was in the conspir-
acy to saw his leg off. but l did not
stop to listen to the whole Of it. A few
minutes later l heard him going up
stairs. putting each foot down as IL
stamping off snow. and then all was
quiet for ten minutes. I then felt 1t a
duty l owed to Mrs. Bowser to go up
and rescue him. He had torn down
curtains and pole from n of the
front windows and moved both bed
and bureau in his efforts to fit the
kitchen door to a window not half it's
size. He was looking around for some
living thing to pour out the Walls Of
bis wrath on when he caught sight of
me and burst out with:
Il was just about to call you. Do
YOU deny that you have gone and
tackled an extra piece on to this screen
in order to spite me?'
Needed New Pair Of Eyes.
Haven't you got eyes in your head?'
I asked. IF had a brother ten years
old who couldn't tell the difference be-
tween a screen door and a window
screen I'd get a pair Of glass eyes for
him." $50
Are you claiming that that is a
screen door," he %whooped.
lot course it is. Isn't 1t two feet too
long for the window? Isn't there pan
els to it? Isn't there a handle on it?
I'm only a poor girl, sir, with a red
headed mother and a fellow with a
glass eye for a beau, but I can tell an
elephant from Il mouse"
I'm be hanged If you amt right"
he said, with IL smile, after taking a
long look at the door. Il suppose l
must have been thinking about trad
ing the house and lot for a chicken
farm. You needn't mention the Incl
dent to Mrs. Bowser. Thanks for CON-
Ing up. l am sure l can manage the
others"
As l went downstairs l left him
whistling away and feeling better. He
got the screens into the windows after
half an hours work. strung out by
his trying to make them ft bottom side
up, and then he came down to the
kitchen with the screen door. He had
recovered all his pomposity and con-
ceit, and he didn't mind upsetting the
clotheshorse as he dragged the screen
through. I watched him as he stood
the door up. 1t was top side down.
He stood back and surveyed 1t and
shook his head and muttered:
If Mrs. Bowser has been fooling
with this door she'll hear from me in
. way to make her tired"
you've got it wrong side up, sir"
ventured to say.
"Ah, yes. S'more Of my absentmind-
edness. l was thinking about those
chickens again. If Mrs. Bowser tries
to pump you switch her of. The door
10 right side up now and fits like a
glove"
He soon had the hinges screwed fast
and the door swinging back and forth,
but l was holding out for what came
next. Most any sort Of Il baldheaded
man can rehang a screen door, because
there are all the marks of last year,
but when you come to put on the
spring to keep it closed-that's differ
ent. Mr.. nowsor went ahead with the
greatest confidence in himself. whis-
Ting as he worked. hut when the spring
was on and he stood aside the door
few open.
He Was Puzzled.
"MOre of Mrs. Bowser.' l heard him
growl as he tried to make the door
stay shut. hut didn't tell him wherein
he had made a mistake. Instead Of
taking the spring off and turning it
end for end. what does he do but take
the whole screen of and turn the out
side in. 1t wouldn't fit that way, and
l told him that it wouldn't, and then
he let go of his temper and shouted ut
me:
Il told You right at the start that it
was Il conspiracy! When Mrs. Rowser
comes home
II can put that door on in FIVE min
utes."
"You can't in 5000 years."
With that he picked it up and sent 1t
flying over the fence into a neighbours
yard. but in stepping back his foot
struck something and he went over
backward and hit his head against one
Of the clothesline posts. ran out to
him with a scream, and in Ave minutes
there were a policeman, a tramp and
three or four boys around him, and 1
was pouring water on him by the pail
full.
Then it was that Mrs. Bowser ar
rived and quietly took charge. We got
him into the house and upon the sitting
room lounge. while some one turned in
q fire alarm and some n else called
IN ambulance. l can't tell how long
Mr.. Bowser lay unconscious. but his
speech was plain when he suddenly
opened his eyes, scrambled of the sofa
and yelled out:
"Have l been going over Niagara.
~ lie m hoe Nfru povvcor hoou <~~sn-