The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1906-12-30
And send It to all the reporters

And send It to all the reporters.
Cap / am sorry" said john
You are not one-two-eleven;
Tear up your tickets and then
Back to the primevaI forest;
Next time you look for wife,
Hunt up some good blind asylum.
I am not throwing bouquets;
Still II you must know the answer,
I've got Priscilla dead right
My pictures the piano."
Captain Miles Standish rose IN
Started In using blue Languages;
Said he had been doubIe-crossed,
Buncoed and dimmed to a finish
Il am the goat! he exclaimed:
You two have made me the Patsy
What do you think of a guy.
Who puts the hooks into his partner?
You who lived under my roof
Smoked all my dandy perfectos,
Let me sign all of the checks
Also take care of the waiter:
Talk about work that IS coarset
You are a very bad actor"
SO spake the Captain of Plymouth
he was warm under the collar;
Wanted to go to the mat
With shine matrimonial agent
While he was making his roar
A man appeared at the doorway,
Bringing message, collect
Which said to look out for the Indian
standish put on his long swordi
That was his cue to get busy.
Hustled away to the fight
Saying tough things about Alden.
Next day the boat was to safIz
Alden was awfully ratified;
Didn't know whether to stick
Or purchase a first-cabin passage
II Stand1sh should camp on his traiL
He saw he would have a hard finish.
He wanted Priscilla all right,
But he was not searching for trouble
The thing that decided him was,
He knew that the people of Plymouth,
although they were very hard up.
Would some day be put in oil paintings
While every Colonial Dame
That lived in st. Paul, Minnesota
Would be all pulled up because she
HAD Mayhower blood in her system
In England he would not cut ice,
With neither a bank roll nor title.
While In Massachusetts he'd be
A genuine old Pilgrim Father;
While all Of his tables and chairs
The candlesticks, kettles and dishes
Displayed in Fifth avenue shops
Would be sold by the hundreds of thousands
And so when he boat sailed away
John Alden was there on the landing:
A little torn up in mind,
But still very keen for Priscilla
Yet, when he met her that day.
once more he began to back-pedal
Side-stepped and spared for more time
Behaved like a champion ninny
She said; Forget my bad break;
4 nat talk OF yours sure had me faded;
But what / said goes, and no kidding"
Now, can you imagine a man,
who reads all the bright daily papers,
Allowing a girl to say that
And making no effort to nail her?
PRISCILLA was on to her job:
She knew she would have to be patientf
She knew he was fast on the hook
And sooner or later she'd land him.
And why do you think he hung back
Like vftrified lunkhead and Reubenf
Because in his conscience he felt
he had shot the harpoon into Standish.
He said: IF I cop out the girl
The Knockers might say 1 was crooked:
But If 1 stay single, why, then
Ill be good even though l am lonesorne1
The summer and autumn had passed;
john Alden was still simply fussing:
he talked with the girl now and then.
But never came right down to cases.
One day he received some good news,
The Indians had got to Miles Standish:
Twas reported that he had been shot
Also scalped and few other items
John Alden said: Now watch my smoker
The Captain is out of the picture.
m sorry they got him, but still
can now put tag on Priscilla"
With that he blew up to her house
And started right in to get busy;
be bought a department store ring
And picked out the men to be ushers
The town was all torn up the back
On the day when Priscilla was married.
rhey had a great push at the church.
The gown of the bride was a loo1oo.
The preacher in excellent voice.
Ana just as they wound up the dinEs
Who should butt into the scene
But our old college playmate Miles Standfsn
John Alden expected rought house
5ut he was surprised, you can gamble
When Standish said, Take her, my boyxJ
m playing in luck to be single"
Vow that's all there is to the yarn:
The plot is a trif1e diluted
The moral: When cunning for queens,