The Donaldsonville chief. [volume] (Donaldsonville, La.) 1871-current, 1906-09-15
A Question Of Understanding
By Grace q. BostWick

1T isn't as though she had cared,
Atherton said, in a tired voice, turn
ing the letters and kilograms over
listlessly. lit isn't as though she had
cared he repeated, duly, opening
and closing the small drawers, one by
one. He was searching for photo
graph that she had kept on her desk
"a likeness taken in her early girl
hood, long before he had met her..
AS he felt c1umsily about among
the papers letter fell out. He start
ed to replace it, but caught sight OF
his own name in the familiar writing
and paused. He opened it with trem-
bling fingers.
Il did the best I could he said,
slowly to himself 81 couldn't help
not caring. I thought could-at
first. I thought it would come with
time God! how hard it has been.
how litter hard!" He passed his thin,
nervous hand YEARLY across his col
orless face. AT least, she never
knew, never suspected, nor cared,
either way" he said, bitterly "she
was as Indifferent as-as | was.
Il wonder If she knows now he
breathed. II wonder If she knows
and understands She never seemed
TO understand anything, used to
wonder how anyone could feel SO lit
tie and live. / tried once to tell her
how I felt and she laughed. Said
] needed something to tone me up.
Perhaps she was right. Perhaps
am a morbid chap.
IF she had cared" he began again.
II would have tried to be different.
] should have learned to get hold Of
her interest In some way, but that
dead calm of hers! I used to think
1t would drive me crazy. She was
the right sort, too--or semed to be.
With her possibilities she might have
developed into a wonderful woman
under the right conditions She is
wonderful-she was" he corrected
himself, shuddering at the correction
ST admired her more than any other
woman I ever met. Poor Helen!'
he sighed as he pored over the letter
in the falling light.
He sat up, startled. Hurried to
the window, reading eagerly with q
look of intense interest on his rather
apathetic face-a look such as Helen
Anterior had never reused in all he1
sadly inconsequent life with him.
Dear he read, II couldn't hope
ever to make you understand how
love you You have just left me
cold, un1oving, careless, as you always
are-and I (poor foolish, loving thing)
put my starved arms about your chair
and laid my lips passionately against
the spot where your dear head has
lain. / know It is utterly unrecipro
Gated, that I shall never be more tic
you than I am now, and though il
breaks my heart with its desolation
its utter despair, yet I bow to it
deeply, more tenderly, than you are
O, the sadness, the heartbreak of il
all.
You thought at first you cared. Il
you had been sure, then-ah, if you
had only known then-and told me
Now it is too late. / am wrapped in
a neyer-ending regret that will be
my portion to the end of time.
can't ease the hurt Of loving unloved
81 want you to know if you are left
and you will be-that have always
cared I used to hope for the day
when should Sc your eyes flood with
gladness at my coming. have
learned to welcome even the Weari
ness of spirit they express if only
may feel you near me.
Dear, 1 know how it is with you
/ know that the bonds have become
SO irksome that they have worn into
your very soul. see the distaste
the dislike-almost 1oathing-that pos
sesses you at times. I see it all, vel
7 am poWerless to release you. car
only hide 1t all securely away under
the slow smile, the smile that you
call my everyday face.
IF you had cared, John, we should
have been very happy. love your
work. your interests, but l have moi
dared voice it for fear-O that look!
that cruelty Indifferent, hard, careless
look! 1t burns into me as write
and I wrfthe under the torture of ii"
He sat with his head on his arms
for hours. Once he cried out II
agony: MY God, il I had known!
If I had known"
At last he climbed the heavy, darl
stairway to the room above to face
his dead. He turned back the white
coverlid with hands strangely steady
after his long vigil.
Her face was oddly girlish as il
was in the little photo He felt vas
tenderness yelling up within him as
he looked. A rush of feeling thai
flooded him with longing. longing fol
her smile, for her clear-eyed look, fol
the spirit of her, brave and indomita
BILE as it had ever been. At last he
knew the truth, He could see Tho
soul back of the silence-back Of hel
apathetic gentleness of demeanor thu
had shamed his churlish outbreaks O
irritability. Oh, to tell her! to le
sessssooeessseso