The Cairo bulletin., 1906-06-25
Dramatic Critic Of the New York
TELEGRAPH.

billy, as he pored over the evenin
newspaper. what is the canal?"
"The canal, my dear nephew" sal
Uncle George, as he carefully brushe
the ashes from his Claimants Joy 70
fear they would soil his white waist
coat, ''the canal is a great thing Tha
Is to say if you mean the Panami
canal which The United States is la
boring to complete within the next s.
years. The canal. Oily, will do NOR
for the American nation than man.
sewer jobs and several municipal
works combined 1t will give oppor
tunity to the good men of the senate
and congress to talk endlessly abou
nothing at all, and it will keep Gen
Taft 80 busy that he will find ne
| time to discuss the water cure in thu
| Philippines and for that last Oily, W.
should be deyoutly thankful. 1t will
also afford congress an opportunit,
TO dabble its hands in a little of tbs
nations wealth. Barring a cruel war
/ my hoy, there's nothing that will give
congress such an opportunity as the
| canal Mr., Shonts will cable up from
the scene of the carnage:
Were laboring hard and strenu'
Gus. The toothpicks are all gone, like
wise the canned peaches. We're en-
tirely out of cut glass decanters and
Sco'cl. whisky. Send along another
S1000O,000 before we suspend opera
tons
Then congress will go to work witt
a will and will pass an appropriation
of fifteen millions with a whoop and 9
glad cry Yon may suggest that only
ten millions were asked for, but YOU
little understand the nature of the
great work or the generous workings
OF congress, my boy. The extra money
is to pay the salary of the press agent
that was, and the cost of packing the
articles needed in silver tissue paper
Also perhaps to send two congressman
as committee down TO Panama and
see how things are going and to come
back and report"
"Will the committee go to Panama
dear uncle7" asked Oily anxiously
Indeed, it will. my dear nephew II
will run down there on a revenue cut.
ter and sit on the porch of the hand.
soonest residence, and gaze out on the
green lawns and the tropical nights
AMI drink the Scotch out of the cut
glassware, and come home and report
can see the honorable gentleman
from Iowa report now. lie stands on
the floor of the house and clears his
throat and begins:
Your committee has visited the
scene of the operations and has dis
covered that everything is being done
that mortal man can do. True. actual
digging has not yet been commenced
bot we must not expect too much from
the patry sums We have thus far APP
propriated. We found on our initial
trip that there is great hardship
among the men, especially the la
boring classes. After a personal ins
speetion we beg TO report that there
Is not one toothpick to be found
Canned terrapin is nearly out and
only nine gross of gentlemen's collars
are left 10 the hardy workers They
are struggling nobly, however. Fur.
Their along the scene OF operations
there is some 3light disaffection owing
to the non-arrival Of the seven cases
of silk socks that were ordered. The
tunnel men are now being forced to &C
TO their toll in wooden hose. The
scarcity of dress shirts is pitful. many
Of the men being forced to wear hick
DRY garments. While We were thsr5
FIVE Italian laborers threw down their
toois and refused to go further unless
white kid gauntlets are provided al
once. Your committee respectfully
reports that unless some ADEQUATE
means Of supplying finger bowls to the
toilers is provided al once there will
be dissensiOn. Mr.. Shonts is doing all
mortal man can. He and his assist
ants have shaved early and late in thei;
hammocks trying to keep the red ants
from eating the pate de foie gras ant
charlotte russo Your COMMITTEES
thinks about another twenty millions
will enable the work TO progress far
enough TO talk about buying som.
dredging machines and steam shovels
That is what the committee will re
port Oily. when they return from the
scene Of their arduous labors. Their
tales Of the hardships endured by those
gallant men will send the tears cours.
ing down the hardened cheeks Of theii
fellow representatives and they will
resolute some more good money"
DO they dig canals with toothpicks. |
cut glass and Scotch whisky. dear IN /
Gle ?" asked Oily refectively
only on government jobs. my dear /
boy" replied Uncle George. sadly. No I
reputable engineer on a government I
lob can think properly out Of ham. I
mock. OF remove one cubic foot Of /
earth without elk paiamas and lace
parasols The hardy laboring men 4
must have their deck chairs and /
swings. Il could not he expected that ]
he canal could Re built without some 1
fresh garden seeds and a full line of 1
r.--f able greer houses. To the casual /
lay mind. Oily. IL would seem that
? .o0a gross Of pressed steel shovel' /
and a few shlploads Of hickory picl /
handles would be about the proDei /
thing. but that Is all wrong. -Four