The morning Astorian. [volume] (Astoria, Oregon) 1899-1930, 1906-07-13

HE MADE HiA HOW Eu IuE AHpihrsE
hind the stove. and Samuel shin was
informed that hts bronchial cough must
either be suppressed or turned out OF
doors. rho reception committee then
proceeded TO the anteroom and escort.
cd the orator in.
The Hon. Johnson appeared to be a
man about forty years old. He was
wide between the eyes. baldheaded,
and his toes turned In. He was q one
story man, buiit on the pattern Of a
cake Of ARTIFICIAL icc--the same breadth
all the way up aud down-and his se.
rioua look showed that he had delved
deep into the mysteries of life. As he
made hia bow TO the audience he had
closed umbrella In his ieft hand,
while his right was laid on bis heart
The impression no made was rather
favorable, though diveadam Jones
whispered TO shIndlg Watkins that his
entire crop OF cucumbers last year was
stolen by Just such man.
"0utdoahs tonight" suddenly began
the philosopher, "dar am moonlight
whyi Why ain't II dark as black
dawg under do wood shedf What am
do moon composed Off What was II
hung in dc heavens forl Whar does
II come from when 1t comes an whnr
does II go to when II goesf II de moon
am a good thing, why not have Il all
de time instead Of only halfi II II
don't amount to ahucks, why have Il at
all7 Did you ebber stop to AK your
selves desc questions. or have you sot
around on dc fence an taken no inter-
eat In do mysteries around your"
While most OF the members Of the
club were confessing to themselves
that they had not attended to the moon
business with any great vigor, the
speaker drew a long breath and con-
tinucd:
"You wake up some night out OF a
sound sleep. All am quiet. You can't
say what disturbed your slumbers.
You git outer bed. You don't know
why you do. but out you git, You 30
to do doah an look up an down. All
am as still as dc grave. De ole wo.
man, dc chil'en an de dawgs contlnner
to sleep on. but you put on your clothes
an step out into do night.
''You don't know what for nor whlth.
or you am goin'. but de fust thing you
know you have walked mile, climbed
ober fence, selected de biggest water
million in de patch and am on your
way home agin. How does dc how
ness Of dc whlchness come about2 Why
do you eat half dat million befo wakln'
dc family upY Why didn't you 80 do
odder way an sit on de church steps
Instead of toward do million patch2"
There were suppressed exclamations
Of "Yum! Yum!' among the old vet
Grams In the audience. but they also
shook their heads In puzzled way
and whispered to each other that Mr..
johnson was too deep for them.
"a few evenings ago, down In Ala
bama," said the orator. us he got a bet
ter hold on the platform with his toes,
II sot In my study thlnkln' things ober
Not mohse stirred. Not a dawg un'
der de bed sighed. ne world slept OF
sudden hnd feelia' dot I was hc!a'
taken out Of dis sphere an transported
into another. 1t was slu,hbe:ous,
pleasant feelln', an gave cp TO It.
"After an hour had passed ! awoSc,
was out In de kitchen ta.iin' of my
muddy shoes, A bag lay at my feet
and I lifted II and enipt!ed Its contents
out on de foah, Oar was four fat
hens. I can't be suah jest what took
place when I was in dc state spoken
%, but It's my belief dat y went IN de
alley four blocks. climbed oner 'en"A