The Spanish Fork press. [volume] (Spanish Fork, Utah) 1902-current, 1906-07-19


Bunch had to fall for the spiel and
loaned him the Bubble forthwith.
| Ten minutes later we were so busy
| listening to the sure-things falling
from the eager tongues of the various
friends we met that we quite forgot all
about Flash and the busy barouche.
The first cinch- builder we fell over
was Harry McDonough, the inventor OF
the stingless mosquito now in use on
his Jersey farm.
| Harry has the mosquito game down
so fine that he's going to take double
sextette of them into vaudeville next
| season.
He has trained these twelve skeets
to sing 'Zobia Grassa," and AL Hol-
brock has promised to teach them
Venetian dance.
, Harry offered us four winners in the
first race and two cigars.
He told VS. If we lost to smoke the
cigars carefully and we'd forget our
troubles and our names; but If we won
we could use the cigars as flrecrackers.
Then we ran across jeff D'Angelis,
the composer of the new tune now
played on the automobile horns.
JEFF hadn't picked out horse to win
any race because his loyalty to sneeze-
wagons is so intense that he won't
even drink Il horses neck.
He explained that he only came to
the race track to show the horses his
smoke-buggy and make them SILVER.
George Yates, the inventor of the
machinery for removing sunburn from
pickles, was there and he tried to pre-
sent us with a sure winner in the third
race.
A little later on we discovered that
the horse Yates was doing a rave over
had been dead for four years and that
the card from which he was lifting his
dope was the programme of the meet
at Sheepshead in 1896
Some kind and thoughtful stranger
had lifted fifty cents from Georges
surplus and in return had stung him
with an ancient echo OF the pittypats.
Our next adventure was with Joe
Miron, the famous horse trainer and
inventor of the only blue mare in cap
tivity at Elmhurst.
Say, why didn't see you guys be-
fore the first race; I had plush-cov
cred pipe!" yelled Joe.
81 had that race beat to stage
wait" Joe went on, enthusiastically,
why, all you had to do was play
The Goblin Man to win and Muir
derallo' for a place-it was Just like
getting money from the patent medi-
cine business
"How much did you win, Joe?" In
quired.
who, met" Joe came back. why
| didn't get here in time to place bet.
/ drove over from Elmhurst and the
blue mare burst tire But say, I've
,, got mothers darling in the third
race Oh, it's a ladybug for certain!
You guys play Perhaps to win and
you'll go home looking like Pierp
Morgan after busy day. 1t can't
lose, this clam can't! Say that horse
Perhaps wears gold-plated overshoes
and it can kick more track behind II
than any ostrich you ever see! Why
it's got ball-bearing castors on the
feet and it wears a naphtha engine
in the forward turret. Get reckless
with the coin, boys and go the limit
and II the track happens to cave In
and It does lose, I'll drag you dowr
to Elmhurst behind the blue mare anC
make the suction pump in the back
yard do an imitation of Walter Jones
singing Captain Kidd with the bun
pipes"
Joe was so much in earnest abou
] hot I
Perhaps" and waited.
We are still waiting.
Perhaps may have been a goot
horse but he had a bad memory an(
never could recollect which end of thu
track was the proper place to finish.
Joe must have left for Elmhurst i'm
medlately after the race because h
| failed to answer roll call.
Then we ran across Dave Terrence
| the famous inventor of the disappear
ing trump so much used by pinochl
players.
When Dave began to dope EN- on
for us Bunch and / hid our pocket
q books in our shoes
Z There were tears in Bunch's eyes
+ but was busy looking for a rock.
e Here's a good one" Dave suggest
II err; "listen to this one, Easy Money
out of Life Insurance by Director
a And here's a good one, Chauffeur on
Il of Automobile by Policeman d
e you care for those?"
h Here are some more peacherinos,
h Dave went on, relentlessly, here
Golf Player out of Business b.
d Mosquito, and here's another goo
:, one, Eternal DayliehtS' out Of las
a STA by Japan a."
d Buzz AMI l handed Dave the re
" pre- u face and fed for our lives.
d u we 60 down TO business an
c beg TO / "a our money with NOR
o system and less noise.
At the end of the fifth race "