Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1906-07-14
Wellman's Trip to the Pole.

the north pole and lots Of folks will
be on the anxious seat until he is
heard from.
Chances are that he will not sue
coed in getting any nearer to it
than Lieut.. Peary, who shed seven
toes trying to locate the pole and
had his feet frozen so badly at DIFF
ferent times on the trip that his
chilblains hung on and pestered
him until July after he returned.
We have never been able to see
the practical value of finding the
north pole anyway. Let us suppose
that Wellman will be successful in
reaching it, and what will result.
HIS report will probably run some
thing like this:
i have the honor" it will read,
''of reporting that on the 9th vic
tory roasted on my banner. 1t was
a cold day. Old settlers in that
part Of the country say they never
saw it so cold before. All the way
up it was hardship and mutiny.
shed three toes and a cook, but I
am quite happy. I will now tell
you of my experience: On the I'd
inst we reached the fourish1ng
town of Spitzenboom. In Spleen
boom the days and nights are six
months long. Are your honorable
minds in a condition so that they
can readily gasp my meaning?
Ponder on it, say. A day and a
night each six months long. A man
in Sp1tzenboom has to get up 181
times in the night to wind the clock,
and it is three weeks between sun
up and breakfast. There is diff
ference of six months between
standard time and sun time, so
that if you tell man to meet you
on the corner at three o'clock p. m.
and you do not have it understood
between you which time you are
going by, he may hang around there
on that corner until some time the
following spring before you show
. up.
''On Sunday they go to church
about the first of March, take up
the collection on the 18th of April
and the preacher hauls off and
smashes the pulpit from then on
till the Fourth of July. You wind
your watch by standard time and il
runs down by sun time. If a man
buys hen in Spitzenboom he wants
to know whether she lays by sun
time or standard. A hen that lays
by standard time produces Is dozen
eggs day, while if she lays by sun
time she puts an egg in the nest
early in June and then just fools
around the manger and cackles
about it till the latter part OF Sep
TENDER. A man may serve his
allotted time and 1--we to be 70 years
: old, standard time, or he may potter
: around and lose all his hair and at
last die of senile dementia at the
ripe old age of Is, sun time.
From Sritzenboom north we
made the journey via dog. The
Eskimo dog is a small, white animal
that wears his tail in a Gordian
knot just above his person. He is
propelled by means of a long, slender
whip. When the motorman who
pilots him desires him to turn to
the left, for instance, he hits him a
belt on the left side that nearly
knocks him off his feet. Then the
sagaciOus little animal turns in that
direction. NOrthward, ever north
ward, we journeyed. Day after
day we silently bounded over the
everlasting ice. The silence was
oppressive. Occasionally some driver
would arise to his full height and
whack his dog blow on the side,
and then all would be silent again.
But at last we arrived at the north
pole.
mo doubt you now expect to
hear of wild chase and reckless
scamper across the ice with the pole
putting its tail between its legs and
lodging us at every turn in order to
, avoid capture. Such, however, was
not the case. There was no scuff1e,
!, no excitement. I cannot describe
to you how the pole looks. / was
there and saw it with my own
eyes and yet | didn't see anything.
, / cannot picture to you, my honored
{ sirs, the emotions that swept
through my breast as 1 stood there
with IA undershirts on and icicles
in my mustache and beheld for the
first time in my life the north pole
which l couldn't see. There it was
before me. Fortunes had been
!. wrecked, lives lost, nations bafded
and science Inundated in countless