The National tribune., 1906-05-24

"may L ask you a conundrum?
Fire away, Sam
"If either you or me had to be killed
in battle, which one ought it to be?"
well, Sam, should make a gigor-
Gus effort to spare you if 1 had to
choose"
Now, Colonel. that's where you're
dead wrong; for 1 can stand grief a
great deal better than you kin-Tm
used-er to it,
Once while devising new and more
soul-searehing punishment for some
aggravated rascality of his, held a
brief session of remonstrance with him.
'In the name of patience" 1 said,
"what am 1 to do with you? Won't
you ever behave, or shall 1 have to
spike and abandon you at last?"
We'll, Colonel" he replied, reflect
lively, I'm a cuss. amt 1? 1 dunno
what's best to do with me, or, honest
injun, re tell you. Sometimes I think
YOU can't do anything, and maybe we'd
eette1 give up tryin'."
NO, no." 1 said, lets keep on ex-
we Illdy SlIlht SOIItluiliS
yet"
"All right. if you think so; as the
Irishman said, You're wrong, but I'm
wild you,'" he assented. 1 then ex-
planned TO him that a probable mistake
of mine was in always placing him on
extra duty Of an active kind, such as
chopping wood, carrying knapsack
full of stones, digging a ditch, and the
like-all of which energetic exercises
he seemed to enjoy and thrive upon.
Now said l, chow would you like
to stand still and not work or move
around at all? Cculd you do it?''
He didn't know-it was a new idea
TO him-but he was perfectly willing
to give it a fair trial.
There was an old sugar hogshead,
with one head in, standing near; so I
had him roll it up in front of my tent
little to one side, turn it up and mount
1T. l had seen him most admirably
strike the position of the Henry Clay
statue in New CrlednS-left hand be-
hind him, right extended as if in de-
bate, and head thrown well back: so
1 had him do it on the improvised
pedestal. He could hardly conceal his
delight at the novelty of it, but, know
ing the restless creature as | did, II
thought it would soon wear off. The
day was a scorcher; the flies were buzz
ing after the sugar remaining in the
hogshead, and the monotony of the
thing 1 judged would soon dampen his
newly-awakened artistic ardor, so / left
him alone in his glory while l went
into my tent to do some writing. The
statue soon attracted attention, and l
could hear the boys asking what he
20 ,r+la; ;alH h. J.all
in confidential tone that the Colonel
was paying him 80 cents an hour to
ornament his tent as fancy hitching
post. Adjoining our regiment at that
time was the 46th Ind, under that
glorious "Old Shrimp" as he was nick
named, Col. T. II. Bringhurst. A cou-
pie of his men, at loss for mischief,
had effectually created it by solemnly
insisting that they could no longer keep
step in marchingi They could not have
hit upon more ingenious method of
producing the greatest possible confu
sion on drill or parade, and their little
circus had been running a day or two
with immense success, about the time
Sam introduced the Henry Clay act.
They were not apparently stubborn
or ugly, but most absurdly protested,
in all regretful earnest, that they had
actually forgotten how to keep step, |
and couldn't recover it as yet! Renlon-
STRANGE and punishment were of no
avail; but the ingenious Bringhurst
rose to the occasion as follows: Lay
ing down a "hardtack" box the fat
way, he cut holes for the heads of the
two men, their arms coming out
through the sides; then, standing them
closely crowded together, and facing
the same way, one behind the other,
he fitted the cracker box down tightly
on them, and, putting man with al
bayonet behind them, he gave the order
to "marchi"
The thing worked to a charm. Theyl
not only marched, but they kept stepI
perfectly; they couldn't do anything
else, in fact, and not fall down. They
were willing to quit long before their
Colonel was; but the curious looking
thing marched around camp hour after
hour with an unanimity of legs beauti-
ful to see. Several times, as the ST.
amese culprits came around our way
they unloaded some = heir wrath at
long range on sar asking disre-
spectful question. .iim. which he
treated with scorn. Indifference un-
I'll at last he shut em up with one
yelled out so both regiments could
hear:
Say, when are you felIers all goin'
10 draw them new-fangled jackets?"
In little while the tiresome position
the heat, and the flies wearied Sam;
and, putting his hand up to the side of
his mouth, he called into the tent 10
me in a loud whisper:
"Oh. Colonel! You've got me now,
by Cain"
1t wasn't long before his uneasiness
in stamping off the flies loosened the
head of the old hogshead. and he broke
through. OF course. this terminated
the Henry Clay business; but in other
respects Sam was worse off than be-
fore. The hogshead was about breast
high, and kept the occupant sultry
while the flies simply rallied by the
million'
II is with something more akin TO a
sorrowfuI duty than in any spirit OF
mere fun that ! have evoked from the
eyentful past, with its faint and distant
sounds of drums and marching this re-
membrance of Sam. II was thrust upon
me the other day by the following item
fn the Ohio State Journal. | think byl
it that Sam. poor fellow. oppressed by
the responsibilities of my hotel venture
had started 20 work and walk his way
10 join forces with me, and fell as many
q greater man has fallen before almost
in sight OF the Promised Land IL is
headed:
Christianity Killed.
Special to the Ohio State Journal.
Jacksonville. O.-To-day Samuel
Trick. of HarIisonburg, Va, while paint
Ing the newly-erected school house fen