The Washington herald., 1906-11-18
LITTLE HENRYS HISTORY
The Ohservant Youth Sets Down an iilu-
minating Record Of Some Current Affairs.

The Obseryant Youth Sets Down an Iilu-
minating Record Of Some Current Affairs.
Well. unkeI Bill sed when him and pa
set down last mite to smoke presdunt
RuzeveIt has gone down to Pannyma at
last. hasent he?
Yes. pa sed. And il is a good thing he
has gone thare. 1 tell you, Bill. this
country otto have a few more such men
as Ruzevelt.
AS neer as can see. unkel Bill sed,
chewn his sigar thOtfully, Mister Ruze-
Welt fills the bill. He is hisself and a few
more men all at once and at the same
time.
He knose exactly what to do, pa sed.
Yes. and what evrybOdy else otto do,
unkeI Bill sed Unkel Bill is a DENNY
crat, and since the election ne has been
tryin to pick a fite with evrybody he
knose from old man Hankins to the
preecher. But nobody will qarrel with
unkel Bill becos he is so goOdnatured. He
sez that's the trouble about being a good
natured man, when you do get ftin mad
evrybody thinks you Just have an attack
Of indigestion and insted OF givia you
punch in the eye they give you some
pepsin pills and tell you to drink half
barrel of hot wotter before breakfast
1 tlAIUk
to that push when he hits the issmuss.
unkel Bill sed.
He will straighten things out all rite.
pa sed, leenin back in his chare and
crossin' his legs as if he was satisfied with
the job of sendin' Mister Ruzevelt to
Pannyma.
L can see him now, unkel Bill sed. Like
as not when he lands on the issmuss
some Of those revolushunists will be
whOOpin around maxim speaches and
shO0tin thare guns IN the air, and Ruze-
welt viii say he Is deelited and stand and
smile and show his teeth and look on for
about two minnets and then he will talk
of his coat and roll up his shurt sleeves
and say TO the revOlushunists 10 set
down for a minnet while he shows them
how to fife. And he will make them think
inside Of forty seckonds that as revo-
lushunists they are still in thare infancy.
. he wouldent do anything like that. pa
sed. But of course # thay was havin
revOlushUn Mr.. Ruzevelt would put
stop to il SO Qick IL would make thare
heds swim.
& then I can just see him start!n along
the canal, unkel Bill sed. OF course thay
viii have a lot Of recepshun cOmmittys
and hOnerarey marshals and vice pres
dunts and other excuses Tor WARM badges.
and thay viii all start out behind him,
with the yellow fever band playin a
dignihde march. & the furst thing thay
know Mister Ruzevelt will be husslin
along so far ahed Of them that the band
will all trip over the basedrum tryin TO
catch up with him and by the time thay
have got the band on its feet again
and the sand shook out Of the trombone
and the trombone player has unswallOw-
ed the little end Of his horn Mister Ruze-
welt will have crossed the rite of way
and will be four miles ahed OF them with
the secret servis mems tongues hangin
out while thay try 70 so as fast as he
does.
When he gets TO the canal he will ask
the boss digger what is the reeson ne
hasent dug that m0untin out Of the way
long ago and say for him 10 have il all
blasted out Of the way and shuvveled into
the cars and dumped into the ocean be-
fore mite or he Will get his blue envelope
that same mite
& then all Of a sudden, unkel Bill sed
Mister Ruzevelt viii begin going around
among the men astin them how they spell
difrent wUrds. ! reckon. unkel Bill sed.
that Mister Ruzevelt is as strong at
/ knokkin holes in the English langwidge
as he is in rippin holes through ISIS
muses..
/ & the first man that sez he spells pie
4 with three letters viii be hanCuned and
thrOwed into military prizZen, Tar from
/ loved ones and home surrOUndiHs and
I given primmer of the new speiiin re
/ form brand and fed on bred and water
/ from the canal until he agrees TO spell
| accordin to the government regulations.
+ it wont make no difrcnce how much the
man knusc about sWingin shuyYel or a
pick. if he has the fool notion that thare
are six letters IN missed" il is the ball
& chane for him, and any man found
: conceeIin a Websters dicshmary in mis-
trunk will be stood against a wall and
shot fun Of dropped letters.
o no. pa Sed. Mister RuZevelt wont do
anything Ike that. What he wants 10 do
/ is 70 dig the canal and leeve an endurin
monument through all time.
/ / don't want any canal for a monument
I for me. unKel Bill sed. ! don't want any
ships payin toll in lovin memry Of me.
/ He is doin a CRATE work. pa sed.
But he has left the country without a
presdunt for the first time in histry,
unkel Bill sed.
! 1t Will sho Us how it would seem II
Brine had been elected, pa sed, & then
thay dident talk any more.
WILBUR NEsBIT.
Copyright, 1906 by W. D. Nesbitl