davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1906-08-26
REFLECTIONS OF A BACHELOR.

From the New York Press.
The cost of living makes man feel
it would be cheap to die.
A woman likes to have her husband a
good man, but she is sorry 1t keeps them
so poor.
The way some women wear their COM
pexions they must think everybody else
wears smoked glasses.
When people say thing doesn't hurt
them they might make you believe 1t
il they didn't yell so loud
A girl hardly ever gets old enough to
remember what happened when she was
little girl If it was more than twenty
years back.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1906-08-26

From the Cincinnati Enquirer.
In her trim little bathing suit she sat
on the white sand
IT adore intelligence" she cried.
$50 do l." said he. "All the same,
though, beauty and intellect never go to-
gether.'
"And do you think me intellectual?"
she faltered.
mo" he confessed, frankly.
With faint flush she murmured:
ssFla tterert'
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1906-08-26

Tomorrow is election day. Remem-
Der the home candidates. Remember
Samuel d. Weakley and Nat Miller and
Henry B. Gray and Oscar w. Under
wood, and of course Cunningham and
Conner
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1906-08-26

but do not believe that any more dis
honesty can be found in the manage
ment of corporations than is found In
the management of individual interests.
All this talk about corrupting voters
and spending minis of money is absurd.
Such may have been the case in the
distant past, but since the elimination
Of the negro vote and the publication
Of the ballot of Alabama, I do not be-
lieye that one could find two hundred
purchasable voters in the county Of
Jefferson.
Speaking of corporations, there has
been much talk of the "convict-hiring''
corporations. Yet everybody in the
state applauds the present method Of
handling the convicts of the state. In
stead of the state being at the expense
to support them, the state is making
money out of their labor in the mines
and elsewhere. The state sees to it
that they are properly treated. The
fact that they are made to support
themselves and to bring a revenue to
the state, rather than be an expense
upon it, has worked no harm to any
one.
There is not man In the Bir-
mingham district who desires employ
ment who is without it. The operators
of the mines, the furnaces and other
industries, are seeking laborers, and
there is no place in America where
the price paid for labor is higher
than in the Birmingham district.
Mechanics and all classes, of skilled
labor are paid in the Birmingham dis
trict the highest wages prevailing on
the American continent. Except among
the politicians there is no kicker. After
tomorrow when the politician is elm
mated, it will be impossible to find a
single honest kicker.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1906-08-26

The rule in Zion City's lace factory
that girls must pray during work hours
but must have the time deducted from
their wages is realizing on religion
with vengeance.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1906-08-26

The Chilean earthquake loses none
of its appalling proportions as details
come in, and all the rest Of the civil
lied world is moving to help the sur
ViVOrS.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1906-08-26
PENNANT WINNERS.

From the Chattanooga Times.
Birmingham takes doubleheaders like
pennant winner. which she is conceded
to be this year.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1906-08-26

The fall season is beginning to ar
rive in New England, and it is to be
hoped it will not be sidetracked when
it heads southwark
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1906-08-26

Jerome should be able to command
the support of the insurance magnates,
whom he protected from criminal pros
ecution.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1906-08-26

An Indianapolis woman had some
five-dollar gold piece shirtwaist but
tons stolen from her and they have
probably been cashed by this time
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1906-08-26
PRESS POINTS

Arkansas Gazette: Good morning. have
you seen Paul o. stensland?
Columbia State: Mr. Rockefeller is in the
hands of his dentist. Heaven preserve the
old sinner.
Columbus Enqurer-Sun: Now we can sit
back and watch our friends over in Ala
bama wrestle with a gubernatorial cam
paign.
Atlanta Constitution: After all our
boasts that Cuba has been Amerlcanzed.
it develops that she was only being South
Americanized.
Richmond Times Dispatch: Colonel Bry-
ans campaign has already struck one
rock, but it turned out to be only the
Rock of Gibraltar.
Pensacola Journals: While The Baltimore
Sun is discussing the question of good
looking governors it should cast an eye
in the direction of Florida.
Houston Post: A New Y ork oculist says
that eye-strain is much more prevalent in
summer than in winter Sure Peek-a-boo
waists are not worn in winter.
Savannah News: Some of the Cubans
seem to think that among their other
liberties they have that of INDUCING in
Instructions when they get to feeling
tired and bored.
Boston Globe: The citizen who writes to
newspaper to ask why the printers
errand boy is called the printers devil"
has obviously never had any experience
in a printing office.
Spokesman Review: Russell Sage's ideas
of economy might be advantageously
copied by other people in at least two
respects. 1t is said of him that he never
made superfiuous remarks and never
talked about the weather.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1906-08-26

The republican orators are beginning
to promise revision in revision dis
tricts, but elsewhere they are stand
patters.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1906-08-26

John D. Rockefeller has his hands
full. He is trying to stop feuds in Ken
lucky and to house chorus girls.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1906-08-26

The Hartman Pacific railroad scoop
was a gamble by insiders, or rather, d
robbery of the sure Dingley sort.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1906-08-26

Although there is a Theodore Roose-
welt in the Colorado bear country, he
is junior and tue bears are not un.
easy.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1906-08-26
HuMAN WEAKNESS.

A bas, with naughty posters that
Delight the evil eye
And shock the reverend divine
When er he passes by!
j
Remove all vulgar pictures that
Usurp the public viewl
Nobody makes us look at them,
And yet, we always dol
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1906-08-26

1t would be awful if Pittsburg should
have a water famine and the people
couldn't wash their faces.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1906-08-26

Mr.. Roosevelt, the celebrated octo-
pus hunter, is not popular with Sec
rotary Edwards.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1906-08-26

John Sharp Williams has gone
abroad, but he can never hope to equal
the record made by the gentleman
from Nebraska.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1906-08-26

HE WAITED.
'Ill wait for something to turn up
A fellow once remarked,
And cheered by this reflection. IN
No enterprise embarked.
He waited in the summer sun,
And in the winter SHOWS,
Then something did turn up-it was
His set of stubby tones.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1906-08-26

Mr.. Rockefeller has abandoned wa
termelon diet pending his efforts to get
new stomach.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1906-08-26

Multi-millionaires expect to be ar
rested either for corporation crooked
ness or for auto speeding.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1906-08-26

Chicago expects to enjoy the flap
ping of two pennants. Birmingham
will be content with one.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1906-08-26

OF course, Mr.. Edwards, you will never
have the pleasure of seeing President
Roosevelt selling soap on the tail end Of
a wagon, even tho he might be able to
make a lot of money that way.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1906-08-26

The rallies and the appeals are COM
pleted, and the selection of officials is
now up to the. great American voter.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1906-08-26

San Francisco sent the first aid to
Chilli. A shock or two suffices to make
the whole Pacific coast kin.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1906-08-26

Pat Grove has gone to New York
to reform. He must be intending to
join the 400"
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1906-08-26

Man who served eleven years for steal
ing so cents has been pardoned. Rah for
Justice!
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1906-08-26

A big cranberry crop is coming to
help the turkeys out in the holidays.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1906-08-26

Cuba is becoming full of revolution
lists who were counted out in the last
election.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1906-08-26

The rural guards in Cuba are just
about as barbarous as Cossacks in
Russia.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1906-08-26

A Frisco woman who has travelled
eight thousand miles after her runa-
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1906-08-26

New York begins to think it will
have a good crop of politics this fall.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1906-08-26

Banker Stensland has not been
found, strange to say, in Atlanta.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1906-08-26

Father won't work tomorrow, either,
but he will vote.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1906-08-26

Alabama's wanderers are coming
back one hundred thousand strong.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1906-08-26

Cuba has no intention of wholly re-
nouncing the revolutionary habit.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1906-08-26

way husband could have had another
spouse for less money.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1906-08-26

She now calls herself Mae G. Wood
Platt," we'd have you know.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1906-08-26

William Travers Jerome talks better
than he indicts.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1906-08-26

Even our enemies say we have won
the pennant.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1906-08-26

John L. Sullivan says that boxing beats
football as sport Yea, but the adnis-
sion is so much higher.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1906-08-26
REMOTE PossIBILIrIEs.

REMOTE POSSIBILITIES.
When the octopi no longer crush the
masses,
And the willie boys no longer love the
lassies,
When nobody wants to make cent of
money
And the chap who hasn't any thinks it's
funny;
When nobody tries to do his simple
brother,
And no neghbor ever talks about an
other;
When the railroads all give ample salts
faction;
And no rate reformers run us to dis
traction;
When the game of politics Is dull as
sleepy checkers,
And the banks. are free from many sorts
of wreckers;
When the things we eat are pure as ma
ture made them, ''E
And no crafty arts seduce the men who
grade them;
When we never hear a hotel get roast
ing,
And we never meet a drummer fond of
boasting;
When each one can take dizzy months
And disport himself. brimfull of proud
elation;
When we get cook who never thinks
of leaving,
And we find pretty widow really griev-
ing;
When mosquitoes cease to trouble human
sleepers
And the peek-a-boo no longer harries
peppers;
When we cease to practice universal tip
ping,
And nobody ever drinks who starts to
slipping;
When you cannot find a soul who's not
contented
And the auto cars no longer loudly
scented
When these frealsh things the human
race befall
Why, don't much think Wen be here
that is all.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1906-08-26

Job type is no longer used on edi-
torial pages in Atlanta.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1906-08-26

After ALL the hardest part of the SPELL
ing reform falls on Secretary Loeb. He
Is never thru.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1906-08-26

To Walter Wellman: Wait until the ice
freezes over and then slide for it..
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1906-08-26

The Brownsville racial trouble is not
easily adjusted.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1906-08-26
BEAUTY Or BRAINS?

1t will soon be fallish, as regards the
weather.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1906-08-26

It must be embarrassing to live in
New York and not know whether you are
divorced or not.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1906-08-26
BEFORE AND AFTER.

BEFORE AND AFTER.
Before they wed.
''Sit down." said he,
Upon my knee"
Full tenderly-
Before they wed.
Since they were wed,
With angry frown,
Her words to drown.
He shouts, "Sit DOWN.
Since they were wed.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1906-08-26

Don't throw away your old straw hat.
Served with sugar and cream it will be
found most appetizing breakfast food.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1906-08-26
MAKING A JERSEY

MAKING A JERSEY.
Cow stood on the railroad track
Train ran over her, alack.
Worth but seven bones before.
Now worth sixty-hve or more.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1906-08-26

Letter in a recent divorce case said
that the lover hated to walk along the
streets, because every time he looked into
a jewelers. window the light reflected
from gems there reminded him of her
eyes. Too bad. that they couldn't agreed
A Pittsburg court says that 1t is not
cruel for a husband to make his wife
live on breakfast food and ride a bicycle
to digest it. You couldn't find any other
name to fit PAUL COOK.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1906-08-26

Atlanta Constitution: After all our
boasts that Cuba has been Amerlcanized,
it develops that she was only being South
Americanized.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1906-08-26

When man marries girl who thinks
that he is the smartest human being in
che world 1t IL a sign that they will be
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1906-08-26

Columbus Enquirer-Sun: Now we can sit
back and watch our friends over in Ala
bama wrestle with a gubernatorial cam
paign.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1906-08-26

Il love you,' said trustful swain,
''I love YOU. said the maid.
They could not live on love. and SO
Their bills are never paid.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1906-08-26

The pert photographers are having lot
of fun with Mr.. Drinkwater's name, but
maybe he does only for a chaser.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1906-08-26

There is really no necessity for making
80 much noise when a rich mans son
goes to work.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1906-08-26

Alienist says that drinking is only a
form of insanity. Everybody thinks
everybody else is crazy, any way.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1906-08-26

Richmond Times-Dispatch: Colonel Bry-
ans campaign has already struck one
rock, but it turned out to be only the
Rock of Gibraltar
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1906-08-26
A FAILURE.

The Pulajanes have a soft. Juicy name
that is well adapted to summer.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1906-08-26
2e}67oze~
ADRIFT WITH THE TIMES

,ery happy-if she never finds out bet
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1906-08-26

Columbia State: Mr. Rockefeller is in the
hands of his dentist. Heaven preserve the
old sinner
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1906-08-26

Arkansas Gazette: Good morning. have
you seen Paul o. Stensland?
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1906-08-26

Pensacola Journal: While The Baltimore
Sun is discussing the question of good
looking governors it should cast an eye
in the direction of Florida.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1906-08-26

Entered at the Birmingham. Ala. post
office as second-class matter under act
OF Congress March 3, 1879.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1906-08-26

Houston POST A New York oculist says
that eye-strain is much more prevalent in
summer than in winter. Sure. Peek-a-boo
waists are not worn in winter.
The Semi-weekly leader., 1906-04-11
4 Modern An Sin.
My story relates to another All Sin:
Not Bret Harte's, but my own; my own
kith and kin.

My story relates to another All Sin:
Not Bret Harte's, but my own; my own
kith and kin.
It was only few short weeks agone
In that city you so well know,
Which the Bride and the Groom SO Oft
Where the south winds gently blow.
'Tis a city of shade and a city of
flowers,
A city where laws are made
BY statesmen great, by statesmen
OF every degree and grade.
Fer where there is good. there is also
bad
And the task before me I hate.
AS there's much that's true and more
that's sad
In the story now relate.
BY invite I came on a Saturday night
For a friendly game of cards,
Nor since have thought it was just
the thing,
While protesting the kindest re-
CARDS,
To be trapped into an unknown game.
AS simple as A B C,
BY friends, whom each to the other
They'd wipe up the table with me.
On this evening in question I simply
dropped in
On the Major, whose friendship
prize,
Not thinking of aught but a friendly
smoke,
Or with tales of the war to swap lies.
And there was the Doctor, another
good friend,
Such modest and innocent mate;
And these two suggested a nice, quiet
game,
Intending my ducats to take.
Twas a curious game to an innocent
kid,
So full of surprises unfair,
Where an honest hand is SO frequently
And a bluff is called down by a pair.
rive cards are dealt out. only one at a
And if you're not "suited" you
While ''fush' is not always the most
modestasign,
ITO be full' is far better than all.
And should there be dealt you a real
"royal fiush,"
Still worse is the luck you have met;
lot player responds when you open
the pot;
The Semi-weekly leader., 1906-04-11
ROM N0TE5AND 0BsERYAH0NS|
Compiled by WmRMackrill. |

| shoulder. Look" he said, quleuly,
pointing below us. He had been sweep
ing the country with his field glasses,
and his. eyes, trained to keen obser-
walton, had discerned what we were
all looking for. turned my glasses In
the same direction. There was the
vindication of my theory. Far below
us, stretched the fields and woods of
the German Province of Lorraine, with
here and there town resembling
clusters of red and white MOWERS.
Through this fair country stretched
the highways, like white ribbons. But
what was that silent, sinuous, snake
like movement on every road, ex-
tending for miles? Troops and troops
of soldiers, helmets and gun-parrels
glittering and flashing in the bright
sun. AS far as the eve could reach,
with brief intervals between them, we
saw the thousands and thousands of
German soldiers General Martini turned
to the telegraph instrument and clicked
off a message; and knew that within
five minutes the General Staff would
learn, through its watchers in the Eiffel
Tower Station, that the German rush
across the southeastern frontier was
but blind; that the main movement
was to the north; and that Paris was
in danger of isolation from Calais and
from her ally, England.
For my own part felt a great ex-
ultation. In the face of masters OF
war, had advanced an opinion with
out support; / had urged that my plan
be tested; had won out. More, had
perhaps saved France the humilia-
tion of surprise, and of possible de-
The Semi-weekly leader., 1906-04-11
PUzzLING OLD VOLUME.
Translated at EthnoIogy Bureau
After Many Others Fail.


Two books Of 800 years agv. bound in
the quaintest parchment, have given
up their secrets, after expert linguists
and ethnologists pondered many weeks
in a vain effort to determine their
origin.
Many Languages were consulted, Ara
bic, Sanscrit, Malay, Japanese, Russian
and languages that have traces of
Latin, but the chirography within the
covers of these musty volumes COM
pared with none of them.
The American Philosophical Society
of Philadelphia gave it up. Savants
and sages of other literary societies
failed in their efforts to elucidate the
strange language. The books were
finally referred to the United States
Bureau of Ethnology. Prof. Cyrus
Thomas withdrew the veil.
at is the Cakchiquelche language .
said Mr.. Thomas, spoken by the In
dians of Guatemala. Zone of the books
was on Bible history and the other a
collection of Lenten sermons, written
in the sixteenth century by the mis-
sionary priest, Father Domingo Vico,
who spent many years among the In
dians. 1t is believed that when the
Spanish Fathers undertook to trans
late religious works into the Chachi-
quelche tongue they found the Latin
alphabet inadequate to express the Gu
rious accents of the Indians, and they
supplied the letters"
The Semi-weekly leader., 1906-04-11

change my coIors and affiliations sew
eral times in as many weeks my ac-
quaintance stood me in good turn:
was nsiue no light light m mmatter1this already ac-
tive demonstration of forces on the
part of Germany. The disagreement
which had grown out of the .Algeciras
controversy was only one OF SERIES series
misunderstanding between the two
nations, complicated by European Dip
Iomatic twistings and Surnings, had
Germany's openly announced dream or
worldwide hegemony. Added to this,
the propaganda publications of the
PAN -Germanic League; the. annexation
of Austria, German expansion in Asia
Minor, the ruin of English sea-poWer,
and the political and economic DOM
ination of Europe, permitting the
ucts through the four ports of HAM
burg, Antwerp, Salonica and Triests,
had stirred to resentment the material
interests Of France and even Saa,.a Of En-. IN
such convulsion as was sure to be
produced by war, she was not content
to lie supinely and see her .opportuni-
man hands What wonder, then, that
s'To ARMS! TO ARMs!''
I left the club and made my way
through the crowded streets to the
Avenue POpera. Reaching the Grand
Hotel. my ears were assailed by q
clamor, which rose and fell and burst
like storm. Bands of civilians. thou
sands in each, composed of laborers
and artisans, were marching bolster
ously up and down the streets, cheer
ing and singing the Marseillaise,s'
with, flags and banners flying of every
color and description. Presently /
heard the trampling of horses coming
down the street, mingled with the loud
cheering of the populace. It was q
troop of Cuirassiers, and In another
minute I was in the midst OF seefh-
ang crowd and could perceive nothing
around me but 2 sea OF hands. hats