davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Winslow mail., 1906-11-03

COUNTY
PLATFORM

The Democrats of Navajo
County in convention assembled
reaffirm their adherence to time
honored Democratic principles
and enthusiastically endorse
the record and services of the
Hon. Mark A. Smith, our Dele
gate in Congress.
We heartily endorse the rec
ord of the present Democratic
administration of the affairs of
Navajo County and particular
The Winslow mail., 1906-11-03

To the Stranger in Winslow
and to the men on the road. if
you would pass pleasant hour
and hear good singing and a
pleasant talk, attend the Ep-
worth League service at the M.
E. Church between Z and o. m.
Sunday evening. Everybody
welcome. G. W. LACKEY,
I'd V. Pres.
The Winslow mail., 1906-11-03

Why has the Holbrook Argus
got a grudge against Winslow?
And what for? 1t is published
in our own county, and still it
never said one word about our
celebra ton, when every other
newspaper in Northern Arizona,
Albuquerque and Phoenix gave
US complimentary notices, etc.
Queer, isn't it?
The Winslow mail., 1906-11-03

In Justice to the Board of Su-
pervisors, who we believe were
responsible tor the juries not
having been drawn just as the
law requires, we will state that
the certificate had never before
been made out in this county,
therefore they had no precedent
whatever by which they might
be guided by.
The Winslow mail., 1906-11-03
SATURDAY, NOVEMBER $, 1906.
DEMOCRATIC TICKET.

DEMOCRATIC TICKET.
For Delegate to Congress:
MARCUS A. SMITH
of Tucson.
For COunCilman:
BENJAMIN DOWNS
of Winslow
For Representative:
WILLIAM MORGAN
of Showlow.
For Treasurer:
J. w. RICHARDS
of ST. Joseph.
For District Attorney:
W. P. GEARY
of Winslow.
For Sheriff.:
JOSEPH F. WOODS
of Holbrook.
For Recorder:
ALEX. F. MCALLISTER
of Holbrook.
For Supervisors:
@. r. GARDNER
OF Woodruff,
E. A. SAWYER
of Winslow
For Probate Judge:
No nomina ton.
For Surveyor:
j. HI. RICHARDS
of st. Joseph
For Delegate to Proposed Con
stitution Convention:
w. H. BURBAGE
of Winslow.
Nominated by both Parties.
For Justice of the Peace, Wins
low Precinct:
w. A. PARR.
ForCOnstable WinslOw Precinct:
JOSEPH F. SEEGER.
The Winslow mail., 1906-11-03

Through an oversight last
week we neglected to mention
that Attorney Thornwald Lar
sen. of Holbrook, had with
drawn from the race as an in
dependent candidate for Dis
trict Attorney. Mr., Larsen is
the government quartermaster's
agent at Holbrook and is also
an able attorney. He consider
ed the matter of running inde-
pendent carefully and decided
that he was too good a Demo
crat to do that, consequently he
withdrew, and in so doing, he
showed himself to be one of our
staunchest and best Democrats.
The Winslow mail., 1906-11-03

A voter will make no mistake
by voting the straight Demo
cratic ticket and voting against
Joint statehood.
The Winslow mail., 1906-11-03

Joint statehood is going to be
defeated. There is not the
least doubt about that, but all
voters should remember to vote
upon the question and make the
majority so overwhelming, and
bury that infamous proposition
so deep under a stack of ballots
voted NO. that it could never
be brought to light in a decade.
The Winslow mail., 1906-11-03

OFFICIAL PAPER OF NAVAJO COUNTY
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1906-05-20
Washington as a Joke-Mi11

WASHINGTON correspondents of the daily
w papers who are most careful in their serious
news are most careless about the trivial anecdotes of
public men which they send home for filters. Woe
unto the public in Washington who gets a repu-
tation as a humorst Readers of newspapers want
a joke from him every day, and they get it.
Every February read new batch of apocrypha1
Lincoln Stories some of them not at all his credit
a man of good sense and humor. Anybody who has
spent a week at Harvard knows that most of the
stories of Mr.. Roosevelts undergraduate days are
crcumstantialy impossible. Both Speaker Cannon
and John Sharp Williams made sponsors for
stories which they may have repeated, but which
they too honest to pretend to have originated.
weekly publication is responsible for this story:
number of politicians in Washington were discussing
the tendency of a certain we-known political
speaker invariably to allude to his partys
having been directed by the hand of Provi-
dence." {" 1t is most extraordinary" said Repre-
sentative John Sharp Williams; but he really
seems sincere in that conviction. AT the time,
gentlemen while | haven't the least objection to
the Senator's having ace up his sleeve OCCASION
ally, do wish he would not always insist that Provi
dence put it there!"
Now, this story appears in the biography of Lord
Randolph Churchill which published last year
Lord Randolph's joke about Mr.. Gladstone,
and must have been uttered twenty years ago.
Lord Randolph has been dead for eleven years
1t is probably not Mr.. Williams who confused the
authorship of the joke, but anecdote-monger
Western paper cleverly parodied the current
newspaper anecdote: DROLL ONE ON THE SENA-
ToR.-One of the most screamingly funny stories
of the campaign is told of Senator Bareshanks the
well-known Ind-a statesman who is running for
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1906-05-20
: h e w a n d ering Joke

one of the highest offices in the gift
of the American people. lust as he
was about to mount the rostrum to
make a political speech, a discreet
friend on the platform pulled his
coat-tail. Senator, whispered his
friend, if anybody in the audience
asks you how you stand on the high
protective-tariff question, what will
you say?'-'I'n say l stand six feet
four inches replied the Senator,
quick as thought. This was too good
to keep, and presently everybody
on the platform was convulsed with
mirth over the Senator's happy
retort. 1t is only necessary to add
that nobody in the audience asked
the hypothetical question"
In his column of burlesque notes
in Punch" Henry Lucy Toby, NJ.
p once put a joke into the mouth
of Viscount Sherbrooke. 1t con-
cerned a deaf member who was try
ing to hear a speech through an
trumpet, and was to the effect
that the man was foolish thus to
sacrifice his natural advantages. "
This joke was gravely recorded in
Sherbrooke's biography as one of
his own, and it came out that he
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1906-05-20
An Ancient Irishman

WITHIN week have seen in print the story of
w the Irishman who took the little boy on his lap
they drove up hill in order make it easier for the
horse. In a clever translation of the "Phormio''
of Terence, Professor Morgan of Harvard found in
contemporary jokes and up-to-date slang apt
indicates, anyway, that he was not Roman, but
Irishman.
Human follies have been much the same in all
same kind of arrow at the same kind of target ANY
modern column of jokes has one or two thrusts at
the physician. Not of them, for all the modern
development of medicine adds much to Moliere's
LIE Medecin MdLgre Lui,' in which a clown is
Palmed off great physician and undertakes to
imaginary disease
In the Greek comedy of Aristophanes, Clouds,
Socrates is lampooned as a sort of shyster lawyer
who pretends to teach how prove false cause to
be Just one. He is sought by who wants
to dodge his creditors. What is added to this by
any Joke about the modern corporation lawyer?
Americans are wont to believe that Germans and
Englishmen are deficient in humor aid do not see
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1906-05-20

that he was, that this doctor had saved his life
How? The answer, given without smile, was that
when the boy had been sick, he had sent for
the doctor; but the doctor out and did not
come and so had saved his life.
Usually the old joke which is called forth by
modern instance is not innocent in its reappear-
short time ago | read story of gardener
who at his MISTRESS orders tearing up tennis
court. One of the young people protested He
replied that he had orders that the ground was to
be used henceforth for agriculture, not for "hus-
bandry." Now, this joke came out in Punch "
years ago when croquet at the height of its
popularity. 1t applied to croquet, which offers
excellent opportunities for counting; but it is most
inappropriate to tennis, in which the players
opposite sides of net. Who is responsible for the
retailoring? OF course, the pun in husbandry"
may have caught the eye of modern, and he may
innocently have made anew joke too old for him
to have met it in its first infancy. But it is more
likely that the joke deliberately hlched and
made over.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1906-05-20

of Artemus Ward, DR.. Holmes, and Mark Twain |
have not discovered who first said it. but am sure
Psychologists will find it carved Assyrian stone
And just there l am making old joke; for the
comic papers have many times put familiar modern
jokes into the mouth of antiquity. Noah and
Adam have. been represented as congratulatng
themselves that they escaped mother nlaws. Julius
Cesar has been made to say that he would rather
be second vce-president of life-nsurance company
than first in Rome
The original jokes probably handed down
from the missing ape-men If Professor Gamers
disciples learn monkey talk that they are really
at home in it, they will hear all the original Jokes
including those about boarding house pie and
dachshund sausages, perpetrated by the Simian
Fords of the Jungle.
In Greek and Latin literature which we call
ancient, but which must be modern when reckoned
from the birth of essential joke-deas we meet tests
like those that recur in the contenporaneo1s Jour
nails, The Frogs" of Aristophanes opens with a
satire on conventional stage jokes. The servant
asks: Shall | say some of the usual Jokes master
at which the spectators always laugh?' A little
further the servant, who is sitting ass with
burden upon his shoulder, insists that he and not
the ass is bearing the burden
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1906-05-20

to classify them. They have no
nationality, no clear pedigree, and
they are not subject to any laws,
even those relating to property
rights. They are the waits, strays,
and vagabOnds of humor.
Last year | saw in the funny
column of a newspaper a witticism
attributed to a humorous writer
who lives in California. He OBJ
served that there were only seven
jokes in the world, and, with his
professional drawl or stutter, or
whatever his accepted stage manner
may be, he scratched his head
waggishly and added: Let me
see; of the seven jokes, | forget
who originated the other two"
This little joke epitomizes the
entire history of the small unit of
humor. In the first place, this jest
itself is one of the seven, and he
who uttered it spoke a boomerang.
Within three years | have seen it
laid at the already INSTRUCTED doors
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1906-05-20

Jokes are divided into
two classes: old ones you
have heard, and old ones
you have not heard.
There is no other way
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1906-05-20

had heard it repeated SO often as his that he did
ascribed to Lord Beaconsield in Walter Schels
careful Life of Disraeh." There is saying that
the best things were originated by the ancients,
elaborated by the French, and credited to DiSrael
In a recent edition of " "Reminiscences" by the
third Lord Holland appears story which has been
credited to more than one noted Engllshman. An
enthusiastic admrer of Wordsworth, Southey, and
Coleridge was extoling them to Person, the Greek
scholar They will be read" predicted the adj
mirer, when Vergil, Milton, Dryden, and Pope
then" Person replied. Now | believe that Person
did not make that answer, but himself said They
will be read when Verg and Homer are forgotten,
and let it go at that A scholarly friend tells me
that it was Hene who afterward explained the joke
by adding crudely, and not till then"
| cannot leave this subject without paying my
respects to that kind of story which turns up
week with every great person in history from Peter
the Great to Mr. Roosevelt as hero 1t is the yarn
of the Great Man in Disguise,
The Great Man in Disguise"
HING LEOPOLD at summer resort bumps into
Portly man Who Who does not recognize him in his
portly one. would have you, know am member
of the Paris City Council =" Then offer thousand
pardos replies the King at once Gn anecdotes t all
lightning or without hesitation }; =" am only the
King of the Belgians."
A young man drives up to Balmoral and asks
man standing at the gate to hold his horse The
complies When the youth comes out again.
a friend introduces the obliging gentleman as Lord
Melbourne"
At Wiesbaden young American is discussing in
the smoking room with other some views of
democracy. man sitting near smiles now and
then My argument seems not to convince you"
says the youth to the smiling man. Il presume
you are a monarchist May ask you to give me
your reasons for preferring that form of govern
ment? 49," Certainly. The first reason is that am
King Oscar of Sweden and Norway"
These stories of royalty go very well, especially
when the surprised person is fresh young Amer
ican but the attempt to get the same startling
elaton when the hero American is rather feeble
Two women from the country order young man
in goggles and fur to take them round Central Park
in his automobile. He obeys They pay him fifty
cents for the ride And he takes
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1906-05-20

a ScTlOuS DOCK ABOUT
Chinese life, | read
not long since the
joke of a Chinese boy.
His master asked him
if the physician across
the street was a good
one. The boy replied
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1906-05-20

joke. Yet we 60 on laughing,
not only at the essential
comedy of English literature,
but at the short jests of the
most insular of Englishmen,
from Chaucer to Thackeray.
No nation lacks humor.
Most of the merry jests attrib-
uted to WI Ting Fang were
probably coined by enterpris-
ing newspaper men; but there
is other evidence that the
Chinaman is full of humor. In
The morning Astorian. [volume] (Astoria, Oregon) 1899-1930, 1906-03-19

tiently for the railroad to break the
congestion,
There is war to the knife all up and
down the western lumber belt OF Wash,
ing,on, and it is up to the Northern
Pacific, to try, for once to bring the
sources OF equipment somewhere near
the level OF business growth along its
lines; and it will be practically impos,
>ihlc to do this for the reason that the
old milling properties have not only
been repaired to a high state OF proNc
iency. but have, in nearly every in.
stance, been doubled in capacity, and
this. without contemplating the install
htion of dozens Of brand new plants,
It would be a pretty nice thing for
Astoria to be in condition she might
make lust such 4 contention rs this
The morning Astorian. [volume] (Astoria, Oregon) 1899-1930, 1906-03-19

\ New York paper say.' undoubted.
" park would look better than China
town In fact, green lawns, fountains
and trees would adorn many parts OF
the city now occupied by buildings that
are not ornamental But it must be- re-
mcmbercd also that Manhattan Island
is comparatively small and enormously
taxed and that the people, whether
Chinc.c or others, cannot live in the
parks,
The morning Astorian. [volume] (Astoria, Oregon) 1899-1930, 1906-03-19
PAUPER is TRUE TO FRIENDS.
Shares His Legacy With Them, But
They Lose BY His Death.

MELBOURNE, March l8.-Mr. S.
Lloyd of Lloyd's Missing Friends agency
relates the following story Of lost
fortune.
His firm was instructed to inquire for
a man named Whitaker, heir to $780,
900, and last heard of previously as a
patient at a hospital in marlborough.
An advertisement was inserted in news
paper, and few days later an aged
cripple answered it. He proved to be
Whitaker, and when told of his good
fortune, insisted that the money should
be shared by five comrades who had
cared for him since the accident which
rendered him unfit to work.
The firm agreed, and sent Whitaker
to hotel. He died there Of heat apo
plexy, and his fortune passed, as there
was no will TO brother in England.
The morning Astorian. [volume] (Astoria, Oregon) 1899-1930, 1906-03-19
French Woman May Get Cross Of
Legion Of Honor.
FOR DISTINGUISHED BRAVERY
In War With Germany in 1870 Brave
Woman Went to the Front and
Served Drinks and Food
to the Soldiers.

PARIS, March Is I'm effort Is being
made to induce NJ fallirrcs to give the
Cross OF the Legion Of Honor to Ma,
dame lAuriu, known a. the last VIVIAN
dirrr ur rautinirrr oi the Xouvnes This
military woman has had an interesting
and picturesque career, She first saw
the light at Geintnr in the Dordognc,
81 wears ago. At the age OF 20 She
married the trumpctrr OF a llus'ar
regiment, and went with him to the
front in 1870, The husband was put in
charge Of the cantcru Of the Third
Xouavcs and hi, wife assisted him IN
pmvidng food and drink for the sol.
dier>. The cautinierc also helped in car
rying wounded men oir the battle field,
in the early part OF the Fanco,German
war, Madame Dutailly, rs she was then
known, developed into Il sort Of Shaw,
the liieguArdsman hriorc Sedan. She
ncw to arm, and defended an ambulance
against the Uhlans, killing pru.,ian
officer and two men Made a prisoner
at Sedan, Madame Dutailly escaped and
Joined the Zouayc depot at Montpelier
She was recommended by generals and
otliccr- for the Cross of the Legion. but
her record was lost during the Com
mune Later, on losing her husband
she went to Algeria, where she married
a Zouave named Laurin and resumed
her occupation as cantniere. She has
received the military and colonial
medals, and once more an attempt is
being made to secure Tor her the su.
premc distinction Of the Legion, for
which she ha, already been so strongly
recommended.
The morning Astorian. [volume] (Astoria, Oregon) 1899-1930, 1906-03-19
FREIGHT CAR FAMINE.
Prevails All Over Eastern Washington to
the Great Hurt of Business.

There has been more or less complaint
OF car famine in various parts OF Ore.
gon, but the most stringent needs on
this side OF this Columbia. were rs
nothing compared to the scarcity now
prevalent in the section of Washington
contiguous to Centralia,
At first the coast interests around
Gray'> Harbor suffered from the depri-
vation and cured it rs far as might be
by promptly filing IL vigorous kick and
a Hat demand for adequate service from
their mills, and for some little time
have been correspondingly busy and
contented on this score; but il now de-
yelopes that the supply furnished the
coast people in answer 10 their hot call
for more cars, was made ut the expense
of the mills and factories in the western
center. and now there is bowling mob
OF anxious business men in the Centralia
country crying for reprisals on the
railroad people.
The Centraha folks say there was no
need for such discrimination in favor OF
the Gray's Harbor crowd that they had
ready relief at hand in their marine
transportation facilities, while the peo-
pie of the interior were helpless, having |
no alternative but to pile up their lum-
Der in mountains and hills of squared |
and sawed material, that now marks !
active center of business, and wait pa
The morning Astorian. [volume] (Astoria, Oregon) 1899-1930, 1906-03-19
ALL HATE THE SERvIAN KING.
His Best Friend FleeS From Wrath Of
the Populace.

BELGRADE, March lS,-~rhe state of
affairs in Servia grows from bad to
worse. and there is every prospect Of n
storm. King Peter is much distressed
At tn, departure from the capital of his
friend, NJ, Ralugditch, who wa, recently
80 Illustrated by the populace that he
has gone to live in Geneva, In record.
ing hi, departure thu newspapers had
headlines such As The Exodus Begun"
' May His Nearest and Dearest Soon
Follow" and First of the Travellers" 3"
1t happens that so many members of
the opposition have withdrawn from
the parliament that the scenes there are
comparatively peaceful They have tax.
en- this course because the prime min.
lister refused to reply to the question
they put why Great Britain still re
fuses to he represented in the country.
The morning Astorian. [volume] (Astoria, Oregon) 1899-1930, 1906-03-19
Citizens WonderinsHowto Clothe
Adam and Eve.
NATIVES AVERSE TO CLOTHES
White People Living in Nairobi Are
Trying to Solve the Problem
of Inducing the Natives to
Wear Something.

CAPET0WN, March ls-Copies of the
Unganda Times received here from Mai.
robi contain some curious comments,
showing the blend OF savagery and civi,
lization.
How to Clothe Adams and Eve" says
that newspaper, &" is already an up.to,
date problem in Uganda and British
East Africa.
Civilization only came to Nairobi
and its province about six years ago.
At that time resident white ladies could
be counted on the fingers of one hand.
and the subject of costuming the natives
was not discussed.
Now there are scores of whites. con.
sisting of matrons. blushing spring and
summer daughters, autumn's bashful
maids, to say nothing of sensitive old
gentlemen, and the six years of civiliza-
tion has not had sanitary effect in
producing a native tendency to clothing.
The unkempt and unclothed savage
presents himself at every corner, store
and market
How are we to mend matters! l
think good way would be for the
government to authorize the slaughter
of few thousand head of antelopes,
have the hides prepared (by prisoners if
necessary and distributed to the poor,
unclad savages for costumes"
The morning Astorian. [volume] (Astoria, Oregon) 1899-1930, 1906-03-19
HE WOULD TRANSP0SE FISH.
He Plans to Have Seafsh Live in Fresh
Water.

PARIS, March l8.--An ichthyOlogist
who has been devoting a lifetime to the
study of fish near Boulogne claims to
have discovered a process Of unsalting
sea fish without hurting them and, in
fact, without their apparently feeling it.
They are to be gradually accustomed
more and more, little by little, to di.
luted salt water, until at last they are
able to live quite happily without any
salt about them at all. Eventually the
ichthyologist hopes in this manner to
stock all Of the rivers Of France with
mackerel, conger, cod and haddock,
though he has not yet maintained that
it will be possible some day to catch
HOLSTERS, crabs and oyster. in meadow
brooks. Conversely fresh water fish are
to be brought up to enjoy sea water at
80 grains of salt per liter. Thus one day
the smacks Of Normandy may bring
hauls of trout, carp, pike, gudgeon and
sticklebacks up from the channel. In
short the ichthylogist's dream seems to
be to transfer all Of the fish Of the
sea to river and lake and to stock the
sea with fish from the rivers, though
just what he hopes to accomplish by so
doing it is difficult to say.
The morning Astorian. [volume] (Astoria, Oregon) 1899-1930, 1906-03-19
A WARNING
To the People Of Astoria.

An A,torian reporter happened in the
store Of our well known druggist. Mr..
Charles Rogers, the other day, and in
speaking Of the sudden changes in the
weather and the sickness which seems
to be 50 prevalent Mr.. Rogers remarked,
Such weather cannot help but result
in coughs, colds, bronchial troubles, the
grippe and other sickncsscs. This wealth.
cr is also bad for old people and those
who are run down or have tendency to
any weakness or disease"
Continuing Mr. Rogers said; at seems
TO us that you should warn every man,
woman and child in Astoria, especially
the aged and run down, through the
columns Of the Astorian, to build them
selves up and take proper precautions
to ward off sickness, and there would be
very much less suffering and fewer
deaths in Astoria this winter"
When asked what they considered
the most universally successful medi.
cine they had ever sold in their store
for that purpose, without hesitation,
Mr.. Rogers answered, "Ow modern cod
The morning Astorian. [volume] (Astoria, Oregon) 1899-1930, 1906-03-19
ASTORIAGROCERY
Afflicted With Rheumatism.
Phone Main 68l

q was and am yet afflicted with
rheumatism" says Mr., ]. G. Bnync,
editor Of the Herald, Addington, Indian
Territory, "but thanks to Chnmberlair's
Pain Balm am able once moM TO attend
to business 1t ~ the best OF liui.
mcnts." II troubled with rhrumntism
give Pain Balm a trial and you are Ger.
tain to be morr than pleased with the
prompt relief which il affords, One ap.
plcation relieves the pain. For sale
by Frank Hart and Leading Druggists,