Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922, 1906-11-11

very hard work" put in the chemist. but |
his visitor took the observation 90 keeniy
70 he9ft and threatened TO become so
rescntfui over It that DR.. Wiley had 20
duck back into his private Office TO get rid
OF that ono, too
Trained for thc Test. II
After that the candidates slid along every
half hour or so. one OF them was n cheer
fui and chippor drunk who announced that
his entire internal ECONOMY was composed
% maileablc and indestructibe glass.
1T must be that, Doc" he exp aimed,
because rum don't have no feet on me
at all no more. / hain't been able { git
picked right fr more'n two year, an you
don't know how hard I've tried, neither l
can git Kind o edge on. but as rr goln'
down an out, nix. Il hain't in tn kag r.
mo no more. You try me an see. You may
have lot o. booze aroun here, but you
can't git me soused. Betcha anythin' you
can't. Dare you L git me soused!'
DR.. Wiley didn't take the dare
Il am very busy" he said. cracking some
papers that lay on his desk, "and II you'll
be good enough TO excuse me-"
well, say. Doc wheedlingly suggested
the man with the glass lining, leaning over
the desk III y haln't a-goin' L take me on,
can't y stake me { two bits or somethin'
fr me trouble in comm all tn way up
hereg'
Or. Wiley couldnt see any other way Of
getting rid Of that one except by giving up
the two bits.
A sOO-pound brewery wagon driver out Of
Job wanted TO have the quantity thing all
Strengthened out and put on record before
he'd commit himself as an out and out APP
| plioant for membership in the booze squad
IT, ga 49, zssW
bunch" he said to the chemist as he leaned
| bulsingly over the latters desk. How
much beer do they git apiece a day?"
well I should suppose that seven or
eight bottles apiece a day would be suf-
| hcient to enable me to carry on the invesi
cation" replied the chemist.
Seven or eight scuttles!" exclaimed the
candidate, his face the picture Of astonish-
ment and chagrin. well. I'm on me way,
and he started out. wy. that wouldn't
/ be enough for me L brush me teet' wit.
! Wen ] had me job at tn malt works I
never covered up less'n a hunnered shells
day an on hot days II d take two hunnered
high hats t keep me tonsils from dryin' up
an BLOWN away. Six or seven or eight
bottles day, hey. says you? wy, say, I
could lick up that much Paregoric without
feelin' It an eat hot gingerbread atop OF
IT," and that one numbered out of the chem
lists once with disappointment placarded
all over him.
No Cure for Him.
One Of the applicants was a nervous little
man who appeared to be pickering close to
the invisible line of demarcation between
Authorizations and the out and out jimjams
"Of course I'll serve on your committee,
sir" he said generously to Dr. Wiley be-
fore the chemist "a a ~
he wasn't organizing his corps just yet.
but I'd like to have your promise as to one
thing"
whats that?" asked the chemist
This isn't any cure thing; is it?" in
quired the nervous little man. looking
furtively around the ONCE. 'Tt's not just
a put up job to cure people of the liquor
habit, / hope? After reading about this
thing last evening I dreamed last night
that the whole business was just scheme
Of the governments to stop folks from
drinking liquor. and l dreamed that the
liquor you intended to serve out would be
doped with some of the cure stuff
and"
Don't worry--it will all be doped with
the kill stuff, certain enough" put in the
chemist reassurngly, and then the nerv-
Gus little man insisted that his name and
address be taken down so that he could
be sent for just as soon as the rum squad
was in process of organization.
l. you wouldn't care to be cured OF the
drinking habit them" suggested Dr.
I Wiley as the nervous little man was about
TO pass out.
We'll. you see" replied the candidate
with ali the solemnty in the world and
without oven the symptom OF a smile.
Eve already been cured fourteen times
in the last nine years, and as between the
cures and the booze I'll take the booze.
Anyhow, l haven't got much left now
except my thirst and IL ] were 60 lose
that where'd be the fun and what'd be the
use?"
, DR.. Wiley was compelled to stand mute
under such profound philosophy, and the
. nervous thirst cherisheT went his way.
Near the Limit.
IL was toward the finish Of the second
day that DR., Wiley concluded TO station
the messenger outside Of his door. A man
whose face was the color of a Paraguayan
fiamngo shambled into the chemists office
late in the afternoon, ard this Is the way
! he addressed DR.. Wiley starting of
andante and dispassionato and winding ur
! allegro and crescendo:
Z Il am hsh. 1 was a little bit of a
shrimp swimming in brackish creek, but
4 now l am FISH A great fish. / am the
h biggest fish in the seas. the seven seas
! But all the seas, the seven seas, have nov
. dried up and | am stranded on the miry
s ocean bed. am FISH raging with thirst
% / am the raginEest and thirstest mighty
r FISH ever stranded on the oceans mir,
bed, I could drink up eight octillon Bay,
n OF Bombay and siill be athirst / am .
Z fsh-hsh--hshi y fish that needs drinI.
Vince! Wow. Now I'm becoming
F." shark, tiger shark. Don't wave tina
a blade at me, you swordfsh! Don't ink Vi
Y my ocean for me, you devil hsh, Don
n spout al nc whale! Fishy-fsh- fish
Observation-Disclosures me, whee-oW, / All
, a."
The man had 'em. The chemist saw tina
= clearly, or thought he saw Il. He rushed L
his cabinet, pulled out bottle and stake