Daily Kennebec journal. [microfilm reel] (Augusta, Me.) 1870-1975, 1906-10-08

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An AnglG-Saxon citizen in New Or
leans attended the funeral of Il French
mans wife. Several days aftcrwarG,
me, ting the bcic;tvcd husband on Canal
street. III. latter asked. with Gai'c jaum-
tircS.-: All, were yr;. 1T zc fm"ral?''
The American said yes.
How did you think / did,
''th. spl"ndidly. You appeared to be
fond of your rwIic. as il took four men
To hold and control your grief ana active
emotion.
"l"u were only at 70 house, ch? YOu
should have gone IL 70 ccmctaire, Tor
there. ! raise " Cain-it take ten men to
hold ms.
A hungry IrishIntn went into res
taurant on Friday ana said to The waiter:
Have y"Z any whale"
NO"
Have ycz any shark"
'IIrye yez any swordfsh?"
NO"
"ilavr ycz any jrllyfish""
"No"
IAN right" said the Irishman. Then
bring me ham and eggs and Il baefst"ak
sm"therrd with onions. The Lord knows
| asked for fish.
The barber applied til" rich brown dye
with Il fine tooth comb, combing il evenly
into the griZzled locks Of the old man.
Vanished hair dye. is the base OF that
absurd iallacy about p-oplc turning gray
il a single night.
find that invariably they concern persons
III prison. OrSini, pining i'll jail. had his
hair go back on him. Marie Ant's.Hctt".
langushing in a cell, fnund til" deep hu.
OF h.r hair changing to an ugly gray
EHltish, imprisoned in the Tower dc vel
oprd griNish str"2Rs with Incredible
sped.
"Thrsc prisoners. in order to conceal
their gray hairs. dyed it. In prison.
ard hence their locks whitenod at mi
raculouS rate. When people sMd OF them
pityingly. that their terror or sorrow had
turned their hair gray in single night
ton. for is it not cmbarraSsmg-l leave 1t
to yo,l Sir-iS Il not embarrassing to eN-
plain to the world at large that one uses
hair dye
An automobile driver was arrested re-
Gently while driving SLOWLY through
vlllag" in western PENNSYLVANIA. and
fined s.. he demanded To know why
he had been 50 treated. as he had not
violated any speed ordinance. but could
get no satisfaction. Later court ot'lcer
explained The whole matter by saying:
We held a meeting last night and ID, de
cidcd that this speeding must stop This
man was the first to come along slow
enough for us to catch. 50 We arrested
him
af NDyr- Nnr l-
apartments a young bride was struggling
with tn" unfamiliar cares OF h"hSek'"r-
ing. At last Il Young Norwegian grant
ers presented herself. The young house
keeper engaged her in desperation. de
spite the fact that sh" WAS nhrrcon
mcnaad and almost specchlcss. having
been only a month away from htr native
land.
on trial Karen proved strangely devoid
of any domestic accomplishments ana was
50 huge ana rnGainlv that her every
have Il disastrous effect upon tn" sur
roundines. You can't roast and You
can't make bread" sighed her d"Spalrlng
mistress. What can .Nou do? tug" ~
thr MIDST Of the miniature kitchen, htf
great red arms akimbo. Karen stood SOM"
moments IN reflection before she an
swcrc,! Shyiy, II tank ] could milk Il
reindeer.
Going west on the Union Pacific.
through The southern portion Of Wyom,
,iu. the view is one Of continuous sand
and sase.hrusn.. vcritahlr desert. ~ ~
through one time ana in tie dining ear
his eye spi",l sage chicken on me PM
If fare. tie called I'll" waiter and asked
what that was.
Its chicken, sab, raised right through
"Can they nv?" asked the hum"rist.
Eyes sab they can fly. san.
"Wen. then. don,t want any. Any
thing that can fly and stays in TINS COM
trv long enough I" get killed can't h'
mach good None for me.
Not long since n dusty tired-looking
nan presented himself ut the desk of i
h,t.l. announcing that ne d. sired 4 room
"I'vc 1t my supper aud viii he on PC
fore breakfast" said he t" the clerk
..n.gw what would br Your lowest Iric'
for Il room t" sleep IN
cone dollar if You occupy IL lnr Il
night, !" was the reply. .
We'll wouldn't harf dollar MAKE IL
inst about right ;" demanded the waFf"r-
,r pro,lucins I 20 cent piece. You see.
I'm all excited UP travclin and don [
expect t" sleep mon" than half tie time
I'm in there.
A resident of small town in southern
New Jersey was brought brfor" the judge
on the charge Of intoNicati"n. tin'
was im'osed. paid. and the man uls,
faced the Judge for drunkenness again
Int this time refused to pay the fine. me
Judge became furious when he cooily re-
piled: ,
"Juigc. there amt no law that says q
Teller can he fined twice for the same
drunk, and your honor. YOU cant prove
that I've drawn 4 sober breath sAnc".
The case was dismissed.
Two women were strangers to cacn
other ut a reception. After 4 few mo
mcnts' dceultory talk the first said
rather QuerulouSly: jill
II don't know what's the matter viii
that tail blonde gentleman over there
He was so attentive a while ago, but ne
won't look at me now.
"Pnrhaps" said the other. The saw me
come in. He's my husband"