davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1906-10-28
OFFICE Or The HRBoR0HAgTEcr

steamers to preserve order If necessary.
Sometimes his services are needed 1t Is,
however, but seldom. the order about
the wharveS is good a general thing.
For service the hart}or police boat, pa
trolling the harbor and like work, Sergt.
Dean. who is a licensed steamboat pilot and
master, and three officers are detailed.
They are on duty from early in the morn
ing until late at night. and should emer-
gency arise they may be called upon to
work all night They are often sent out on
street duty, so that it can be seen that a
detail to duty on the police boat IS not the
easy job that general impression would
make II.
On the police boat there are also four
civilian employees in the engine and fire
room and on the deck of the steamer. but
they perform no police duty. their time be-
ing devoted entirely to the boat A desk
sergeant is also on duty during the day
and on him devolves the keep ng of the
records of the office. For ght duty two
desk sergeant and the other does patrol
duty about the wharves. For this night pa
troll duty the officer call upon the
fourth precinct men for assistance should
he deem it necessary. Ali that portion of
the city from the foot of nth street south
west to the Washington barracks wall
along the river side of Water street, is the
territory patrolled by the harbor precinct
men, and 1t is long. dark and lonesome
beat particularly at this season of the
year, when but few steamers are coming
or going from this city at night.
Not only do the harbor officers perform
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1906-10-28
Copyright. 1906. by Jerome x. Jerome)

Copyright 1906 by Jerome K. Jerome)
r~Y YHEN / was younger, reading
the popular novel used to make
NAI me sad / find 1t vexes others
wv also. l was talking to bright
young girl upon the subject
not so very long ago 81 just hate the girl
I'm the novel" she confessed. She makes
me feel real bad. If l don't think of her
l feel pleased with myself and good. but
when | read about her-wcll, i m crazy. L
would not mind her being smart some
tmes-we can all of say the right things
now and then This girl says them straight
away all the time. She doesn't have to
dig for them even, they come crowding
out of her There never happens time
when she stands there feeling like fool
End knowing that she looks it. AS for her
hair. upon my word. there are days when
] believe il is wig. I'd like TO get be-
lind her and give it just one pull 1t curls
Of its own accord. She don't seem to have
any trouble with 1t. Look at this mop of
mine. I've been working at 1t for three
Quarters of an hour this morning and now
] would not laugh, not If you were TO tell
Inc the funnieS. thing you'd ever heard.
Tor fear 1t would come down again. AS
for her clothes they make me tired. She
Coesn possess a frock that does not fit
her to perfection: she doesn't have to think
a,out them. You would imagine she
v ent into the garden and picked them Off
q tree She just slips it on and comes
DOWN. and. then. my stars! All the other
women in the room may just well go to
bed and get good nights rest for all the
chance they've got. 1t isn't that she's
beautiful From what they tell you about
her. you might fancy her freak. Looks
DON'T appear TO matter to her, she gets
there anyhow. l tell you, she just makes
me boil"
Allowing for the difference between the
masculine and the feminine outlook this is
precisely how / used to feel when reading
OF the hero He was not always good, some
times he hit the villain harder than he IN
tended and then he was sorry-when 1t was
to late--blamed himself severely and sub
scribed toward the wreath Like the rest
OF US he made mistakes. occasionally mar
RCD the wrong girl. But how well lie did
everything! Does still for the matter OF
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1906-10-28

1t was determined to shift the scene of
operations below the bridges, on the theory
that the current running had carried
the body to that vicinity. This theory
proved correct, for the drags had been
pulled across the channel there but three
or four times when the body was hooked
and brought to the surface. The man had
been in the water over three hours, and, Of
course. life was extinct, SO that there was
nothing for the harbor officers to do but
place the body in a boat and take 1t to
the morgue. to be claimed by relatives.
When the spot where the person went
overheard can be located with any degree
Of certainty 1t ordinarily requires but a
short time to locate the body ana bring it
to the surface, but in this case tide, wind
and uncertainty as to the exact location
of the accident combined to give the off,
GERS considerable trouble in locating the
body.
: They had hardly returned to the station
and settled down to get warm and dry
when the phone went off again. This time
1t was a cali to come to Georgetown to
rights to a pier. Again the launch was
made to Georgetown. but when the scene of
the difficulty was reached 1t was found 1t
had been amicably settled and the services
OF Sergt. Dean as an arbitrator were not
needed.
On the way back to the station a two
masted lumber-laden schooner was found
to have come into port and anchored in the
way Of the steamers going to and from the
wharves. The master of the vessel was
notified that he would have to move, and.
as the wind blowing that he could
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1906-10-28

an ordinary Anglo-SaXon. and l don't be-
1ieve in him. l walk about for years with
dictionaries in my pocket. Wearj-lookfng
ladies and gentlemen gesticuate and rave
at me for months. 1 hide myself in lone
ly places. repeating idioms to myself out
loud, in the hope that by this means they
will come readily to me If ever { want
them. which l never do. After all this
don't seem to know very much. This IT.
ritating ass who has never left his native
suburb suddenly makes uD his mind to
travel on the continent: l find him In the
next chapter engaged In complicated psy-
Geological argument with French or Ger
man savants. 1t appears-the author had
forgotten to mention 1t before-that one
summer a French or German or Italian
refugee, as the case may happen to be.
came to live in the heros street. thus 1t is
that the hero is able to talk fiuentiy In the
native language of that unhappy refugee.
X
I remember a melodrama visiting a coun-
try town where I was staying. The heroine
and the child were sleeping peacefully in
the customary attic. For some reason not
quite clear to me the villain had set fire to
the house. He had been complaining
through the three preceding acts of the
heroine's GOODNESS; maybe it was with some
idea of warming her. Escape by way of
the staircase was impossible. Each time
the poor girl opened the door flame came
ed to have been waiting for her Thank
heaven said the lady hastily. wrapping
the child in sheet, that I was brought
up a wire walker" Without a moments
hesitation she opened the attic window
and took the nearest telegraph wire to The
opposite side of the street.
In the same way apparently the hero of
the popular novel, finding himself stranded
in foreign land, suddenly recollects that
once upon a time he met refugee and at
once begins to talk. l have met refugees
myself The only thing that they have ever
taught me Is not to leave my brandy flask
about. l don't believe in these heroes and
heroines that cannot keep quiet in a for
eign language they laugh. then selves in
an old world library. My 1xe1 idea is
that they muddle along like the rest of
US, surprised that 80 few people under
stand them and begging every one they
meet not to talk so quickly. These brilliant
conversations with foreign Philosophers
These passionate interviews with foreign
countesses! They fancy they have lad
them. ] crossed once with an English lady
from Boulogne to Folkestone At FoIkestone
a little French girl-anxious about her train
asked us simple question. My eompan-
ion replied to 1t with an ease that astonish-
ed herself. The little French girl vanish
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1906-10-28

to make him change his anchorage, but
occasionally arrest has to be made.
During the summer season Washington is
often visited by large steam yachts, which
remain at anchor here several days To
them and other visit ng vessels the harbor
men have to assign anchor.ng places, where
they will have easy communication with
the shore and at the same time not inter-
fere with the movements of the steamers
and sailing vessels within the limits of the
harbor.
X
One cold, blustery day recently. a re-
porter for The Star spent several hours
with Harbormaster Sutton and his men in
the discharge of their numerous duties.
The morning roll call was just over and
the men assigned to street duty had gone
on their various beats. The police boat
detail had completed its morning round
of the harbor and had settled down to a
quiet game of ''muggins. waiting the time
for the next tour about the harbor. when
Ting, a-ling, a-ling." went the telephone
bell.
II hope that is not a call to drag for a
body this raw day." said one of the men
as the desk sergeant went to the telephone
''Harbor precinct! What's that? Man
drowned from boat below the Highway
bridge. An right!''
The men had not waited for the COM
pletion Of the conversation, but had start
ed their preparations for going to the
scene of the accident and dragging for
the body almost as soon as the sergeant
had begun the talk. The tug Vigilant was
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1906-10-28

there is going to be work next morning
for the carpenter.
X
Maybe he Is party belonging to the mid
die ages. Then when he reluctantly chal-
lenges the crack fencer OF Europe to
duel our instinct is to call out and warn his
opponent. you silly fool" one feels one
wants to say. why, it Is the hero of the
novel. You take a friends advice while
you are still alive and get out of 1t any
way. anyhow. Apologize. Hire a horse
and cart; do something. You're not going
to fight a duel. You're going to commit
suicde!'' If the hero Is modern young
man and has not got a father, has only
something not worth calling father. then
he comes across a library-anybody's Ii
brary does for him. He passes Sir Walter
Scott and the Arabian Nights" and makes
a Decline for Plato. 1t seems to be an in
stinct with him. By help of a dictionary
This gives him a passion for Greek. When
he has romped through the Greek classics
he plays about among the Latins He
spends most of his spare time in that IL
brary and forgets to go home to tea. That
is the sort of boy he is How I used to
hate him! If he has proper sort Of father
then he goes to college. He does not work;
there is no need for him to work: every
another grievance Of mine against him. 1
always had to work a good deal and very
little came Of it. He fools around doing
things that other men would be ''sent
DOWN for. but in his case the professors
love him for 1t all the more. He Is the
sort of man that can't go wrong. A fort
night before the examination he ties wet
towel around his head. That Is all we hear
about 1t. 1t seems to be the towel that
does it. Maybe, If the towel is not quite
UP to it's work, he will help things on by
drinking gallons of strong tea. The tea
and the towel combined are irresistible; the
result is always the senior wranglership.
used to believe in that wet towel and that
strong tea. My, the things used to be-
lieve when I was young! They would make
an encyclopedia of useless knowledge.
/ wonder if the author of the popular
novel has ever tried work with wet towel
round his or her head. 1 have. 1t is diff
cult enough to move a yard balancing a
dry towel. A heather Turk may have it in
his blood to do so, the ordinary Christian
has not got the trick of it. To carry about
a wet towel round ones head needs a train
ed acrobat Every few minutes the wretch
ed thing works loose. In darkness and in
misery you struggle to get your head out
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1906-10-28
HN%gR9l4g7ER{ F0ReE

out Of service, and the little power launch,
Major Sylvester. which has recently been
added to the equipment of the harbor pre-
cinct, had to be used Towing two bat
eaux and with the drags-long iron bars.
to which numerous big hooks are attached
the launch started on her mission. On
board the launch were Sergt. Dean Off
GERS PaSsano, Lewis and Preston. two Of
the civilian employees of the harbor boat.
and The Star man.
AS fast as the engine Of the speedy little
craft could drive her, the launch gided to
the scene of the drowning. Passing I'M
der the draw of the old Long bridge, and
of the new steel railroad bridge, the launch
was made fast to pile of the timber work
at the new bridge, while the boats were
made ready for action. Each boat was
manned by two mesa one to row, while
the other manipulated the drags. Time
and time again they crossed and re-
crossed the space where the man went
overheard, but the drags hooked nothing
but old logs or other debris with which the
bottom of the river Is covered. The wind
swept across the Potomac and made quite
a sea, and the spray flying over the row.
boats got the men in them wet and cold.
but they did not seem to mind it, although
The Star man. sheltered by the high tim
Der work Of the bridge draw approach from
the wind and spray, found 1t cold enough
In the open launch.
dragging between the bridges, during
which the space between the bridges was
gone over several times without success,
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1906-10-28
Torpedo Boats by Post"


A torpedo boat that be sent on by
rail to the port where 1t is most required
opens up possibilities which naval experts
have never contemplated. Yesterday morn
ing the king witnessed a trial of the new
motor Yarrow torpedo boat one of tho
most extraordinary vessels that have ever
been placed on the navy list The idea Of
a boat drawing little water and capable OF
being navigated in shallow waters crigi-
mated with the admiralty. who approved
of the scheme to make these vessels pro-
PEELED by internal combustion in prefer
ence to steam The result of the expert
ment was seen recently from tne deck Of
the Victoria and Albert The vessel
carries two torpedoes. weighs eight tons.
and measures sixty feet in length and nlna
feet in breadth. Her horsepower is three
hundred, and the advantage the petroleum
craft has over steam may be gagged frurl
the fact that her range of effectiveness =
/. e., the distance she can go without r.
charging-iS Six hundred miles as AGAR L
a steam vessels u.>a hundred. Apart firm
her enormous value as a method of r. :er
defense, there Is a novel interest in the
possibility of torpedo boats by post.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1906-10-28

T7HE harbor police precinct of the
Metropolitan police system. To-
Gated away down on Water street
among the docks and the ship
ping and commanded by Lieut..
John r. Sutton. is not only the youngest.
cincts of the city. Nevertheless. the baby
police precinct is considered one of the
most important systems.
.. The visitor to the station will always find
something doing" The duties of the Off
GERS and men detailed in the harbor pre-
cinct are multifarious. Not only must the
harbor and wharves be patrolied with all
the regularity of one of the beats In the
business section of the city. but the entire
harbor and the waters of the district from
the chain bridge to the marshes of the
eastern branch beyond the bridge over that
stream. and from the bathing beach to
Jones point below Alexandria. all within
the jurisdiction of Harbormaster Sutton
must be looked after, and he has his hands
full. With but eleven men. including HIM
self. who police officers, order must be
maintained in this wide territory. and it is
done successfully. is shown by the rec
ords at the station and at police head
quarters,
Roll call Is held In the precinct at am
and at pm. and at these roll calls all
the men detailed for duty at the station
must be present. IL not excused for cause
For day duty two men are constantly on
the street doing patrol work. while Il third
is detailed to meet all incoming steamers
and to go to the piers of all outgoing
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1906-10-28

Of clammy towel that clings to you al
most with passion. Brain power is wasted
inventing names for that towel-names ex-
pressive of your feelings with regard to 1t.
Further time is taken up before the glass,
fixing the thing afresh. You return to your
books in the wrong temper, the water trick
lets down your back. Until you have final
ly flung the towel out of the window and
rubbed yourself dry work is impossible.
The strong tea always gave me indigestion
and made me sleepy.
Until 1 had got over the effects of the
tea attempts at study were useless. but
the thing that still irritates me most against
the hero of the popular novel Is the ease
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1906-10-28
Hounds Train Themselves


The following story. which has Just
reached me from a well-known Devonshire
clergyman shows how the life in the ken
mel is Frightened by play:
Some fifty years ago | was visiting Mr..
Garth's kennels, when the first whip showed
feet long, which the hounds had dug them
selves and utilized as follows: They used
to choose one of themselves and start him
to run round the yard, they being in full
pursuit till he had enough. Then he went
to ground in the tunnel, while another
hound took his turn to be hunted and go to
ground.
This is one way In which hounds train
themselves.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1906-10-28

the hero of the popular novel, He cannot
get astride horse without it's going off
and winning a SteeplechaSe against the ia
vorite. The crowd in nove-land appears
to have no power of observation. 1t wor-
ries itself about the Gods, discusses records,
reads the nonsense published by the sport
ing papers. Were l to find myself on
race course in novel-land l should not trou-
BILE about the unessential, 1 should go up
to the bookie who looked If he had the
most money and should say to him. Don't
shout so loud, you making yourself
hoarse. Just listen to me. Who's the hero
of this novel? Oh. thate he, is 1t? The
heavy-looking man on the little brown
horse that keeps coughing and is suffering
are the odds against his winning by ten
lengths? thousand to one! Very well!
Have you got a bag? Good. Here's G27
in gold and Is shillings in silver Coat and
wais tcoat, say another 10 shillings. Shirt
and trousers-its all right. I've got my
pajamas on underneath-say and 6.
Boots! We won't quarrel. make it 5 bob.
That's 929 and d., isn't it? In addition
here's a mortgage on the family estate.
which I've had made out in blank an /. o.
U. for 914. which has been owing to me
now for some time and this bundle of secu-
rites, which, strictly speaking belong to
my Aunt Jane. You keep that little lot
till after the race, and we VIII call it, in
round figures, 500" That single after
vided the bookie did not blow his brains
out
BackerS in nove-land do not seem to me
to know their away about. If the hero
of the popular novel swims at all 1t is not
like an ordinary human being that he does
it. You never meet him in a swimming
bath: he never pays pence, like the rest of
us. for a machine, He goes out at I'M
canny hours, generally accompanied by a
lady friend with whom the while he talks
poetry and cracks jokes. Some of US, when
we try to talk in the sea. fill ourselves
full with salt water. This chap lies on his
back and carols, and the wild waves see
ing him go round the other way. At bill
lizards he can give the average sharper
forty in hundred. He does not really
want to play. he does it to teach these bad
men lesson. He has not handled a cue
for years. He picked up the game when a
young man in Australia, and it seems to
have fingered with him. He does not have
to get up early and worry dumbbelIs in
his nghtshirt, he just lies on sofa in
an elegant attitude and muscle comes to
him. If his horse declines to jump hedge
he slips off the animals back and throws
the poor thing over; 1t saves argument If
he gets cross and puts his massive Shout
der to the massive oaken door we know
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1906-10-28
THE "EXASPERATED
HERO AND HEROINE

that. l believe Take it that he condescends
to play cricket. He never scores less than
a hundred. Does not know how to score
less than hundred. wonders how it could
be done. supposng. for example, you had
an appointment and wanted to catch an
but / could always stop at ten or twenty.
There have been times when l have stopped
at even less. 1t Is the same with every
thing he puts his hands to. Either he does
not care for boating at all, or. as matter
of course he pulls stroke in the university
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1906-10-28

boat race, and then takes the train on to
Henley and wins the diamond SOULS so
easily that it hardly seems worth while
for the other fellow to have started Were
I living in novel-land and had l entered
for the diamond SOULS l should put it to
my opponent before the word was given to
us to go: lone minute" | should have
called out TO him. Are you the hero of
this novel or. like myself only one of the
minor characters? Because IL you are the
hero you go on. don't wait for me- l shall
just pull far the boathouSe and get
myself a cup of tea
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1906-10-28

ed, my companion sighed. IT'S 50 Old"
said my companion. but | seem to know
quite a lot of French the moment L get
back to England
JEROME X. JEROME.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1906-10-28
Or a Union Man.

From the Cleveland Press.
Strike and spare not Is the order given
by Russas premier. That fellow must be
great bowling crank.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1906-10-28

with which he learns a modern foreign
language. Were he German waiter. a
Swiss barber a Polish photographer
would not envy him; this sort Of people
do not have to learn language. My idea
is that they boil down a dictionary and
take two tablespoonfuls each night before
going to bed. BY the time the bottle is
finished they have the language well into
their system But he is not. He Is just
The Grit-advocate., 1906-01-26
RAT TWO FEET LONG.
Largest Ever Seen at tn: Tacoma
Wharves

+. Holmes, warehouseman at the
Oriental dock had the distinction re-
Gently Of killing the largest rat ever
seen along the local water front. The
rodent weighed nearly seven pounds,
and from the tip of his nose TO the
end of his tail he measured two feet.
1t was only after a desperate fight,
lasting twenty minutes. that the i'm
mense rat was killed. For some time
scraps of paper and wood in the tool
room of the warehouse indicated that
swarm of the rodents was at work.
Yesterday morning Mr.. Holmes en-
countcred the big fellow. With a
broom hapdle he attempted to put an
end to the rodents life, but the rat
showed fight Back and forth he
scampered and when cornered he
rushed at his assailant. Once he hid
behind coil of rope overhead. and
then he dashed at Holmes head. The
latter lodged. but the rodents sharp
teeth grazed his face. AT last the rat
was killed and measurements proved
that he was the biggest ever seen in
port.
The animal is supposed to be spe-
cies found in South America, and it is
supposed he came here in Il ship, all
Of which carry many rodents.-Tacoma
Ledger.
The Grit-advocate., 1906-01-26
Stumped the Judue,

Zone of the most peculiar defenses
and at the same time one of the worst
comparisons ever heard was when I
first ascended the BENCH" said Judge
Cabaniss. "a man was up before me
for beating his wife, and, as usual, I
asked him what he had to say before
passed sentJ ice upon him. He said: !:
Say. JUDI you're married man,
amt you? Well, suppose you was ell
joying your dinner and feelin' pretty
good and suddenly your wife came up,
and after telling you of all the fellers
she could have instead of you, started
chucking the dishes at you and ended
by telling you that she could make a
better man than you out of piece of
coal and an old hat and not half try
say. Judge. what would you do?'
II couldn't very well tell him." con-
cluded the judge 80 simply had to
discharge him with a warning."-San
Francisco Chronicle.