Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1906-09-15
HOW IT Is REALLY DONE

lists. Did you ever notice how they write
UP the making Of match between a couple
Of pugs7
| They assemble the matchmakers In the
blue room Of the Allduff- Bulgaria. say. and
| then they proceed to fix the story Of the
matchmaking up as If 1t were sort OF
| orange samovar tea or meeting OF the
board Of directors Of a transcontinentai
railway. An aroma Of great solemnity lis
made to hang over the proceedings, and
all of the principals converse like the board
OF governors Of a Union League Club.
T. az desire to state" Mike Heaiy, the man
! ager OF Butch Finnegan. the champion
| lightweight, Is made to say. that shall
insist, first and last. that this fight shall
be characterized by the utmost cleanliness
! from it's inception to its termination. Mr..
Finnegan, the gentleman whom / have the
honor to represent in the capacity OF man.
1 ager, is a stickler for the highest code OF
ethics in his profession. and he would scorn
! to take the slightest unfair advantage.
desire that there shall be perfect under.
standing on this point before We proceed.
| The reply of Pat Muihooly, the manager
Of Spider O'Hara, Is equally high bred-in
| the fdealistic reports.
1.-THE remarks of my colleague, Mr..
Healy." he Is made to say. meet with my
|
tinction of representing a gentleman who
! has an irreproachable name for fairness in
his encounters. and l." &C.. &c.
Then, in the localized reports. they pass
to the details.
First and foremost" Finnegan's man
ager Is put down as saying. I'VE should
have an equitable, understanding with ref
erence to the division Of the purse. 1 have
| reached the determination that. inasmuch
as my principal is the undisputed cham
pion in his class, his percentage Of the
irrespective Of the outcome Of the encoun-
ter. =,
II think 1t will be obvious to my col
to this thas SUCH dvison
would constitute manifest injustice to
Mr.. O'Hara. who, II not the actual cham
I pion, has at least claim upon that dis
tinction which has been upheld by some Of
the acknowledged authorities OF the coun-
And when the idealistic sporting writers
| get through fixing up a thing like this 1t
reads like the report OF a meeting of the
National Association for the Advancement
| of Science.
The real facts as to the making Of a prize
| fighting match. however. are these:
| The matchmaking low foreheads meet In
the back room OF some GROCERY that ca
| ters to the dead games. and they sit around
| the shiny tables, making wet rings thereon
with the bottoms Of their glasses Of red
| eye. carefully holding their half-ounce yell
low diamond rings SO that the overhead
lights with give each facet CLINT calcu-
lated to arouse the envy of the down-and-
cut hangers-on clustered around the room
and peertng in at the doors.
| We'll" chops out Healy, Finnegan's bull
we. hey2 Now. wot is yonse's iay7 wot
| are youse claiminr Were dyouse tink y
git ONT got de candy kid wot's de champ.
amt I? ALI right. We're maxim toims.
| amt we? Now. shoot y'r wad. an let's
| see wot y'r framin' un'
"Oh. youse Is got de champ. hey, have
youseT' sticks in Mulhooly. the Spider
manager. Champ wit bunch O. glass
| beads aroun' him. OATS de kin O. champ
/, youse is got. Were did he git 1t? Dat
time he framed up de fake wit Bite
| OConnor. hey. an laid down? Is dat de
time he COPIED de championship. hey?"
| At this stage of 1t the enraged Healy
! makes q pass at Muihooly across the table,
but the bunch of builet-heads hanging
/ around slam in an stop what looks like an
! inevitable come-together, and then another
| round Of wet red Is ordered and furnished,
and they take up the matter of the division
| Of the purse.
| all IL he COPS an OATS skinch," declares
| Healy. Winner take all-dat's me. tsee7
| I can't tsee no 1oser's-end gag In dis at
| all. an dat's de kin, O. paprika I am. We
f'r de kale an If we can't nail de scalp O.
dat mixed-ale bum yeuse is, toutin' T. de
/ stick. why, we don't want nottin'. an dat
,Ha! Ha. Hal" is Mulhooly's way of
| greeting this speech Say. don't youse
make me laugh. me mustashis CROWN an
can't stan fr havin' me nose tickled.
No losers end, hey? Tsay. where would
youse handout-chawers be If youse never
skunk by wit no losers end, hey? Movin'
pianos, dats were youse 'ud be. Or pam
handlin' on Chath Square f''r de barrel
house suds-dat -'ud be :youse No losers
! end, hey? Winner take? all. says youse?
Wy. tsay. y fat-lid, got a notion t. slip
youse poke on de lug. OATS wot I got.
an"
| Hereupon the enraged 1ealy, singing un-
der the taunts Of his colleague" picks up
the booze bottle standing zon the table and
hurls it at Mulhooly's head. MuIhooIy.
| to clinch. which is broken by a couple Of
barkeeps rushing in, and Them after a few
| more scuttles of suds all around are
fetched In the. negotiations are resumed.
well, dem we'll pass along de way de
| purse Is t be cut fr de present" says Null
hooly. the Spiders representative. Now
wot kin o. dope is youse ducks got in y'r
t'ink youse is goin' t. make dat rineside
weigh-in ting stick, like youse said youse
was In de papes? Because II OATS volts
| rattlin aroun' In y'r lids. wy, I'm here T.
sill slip it t youse dat youse is smokin'. dat's
| "Oh. we're smokin. hey sarcasticaIly
breaks in Healy. Finnigan's agent. II
mont's before de 60. hey. an let y.r little
| sawed-on backyard scrapper pick up
| about fourteen poun's on us-is dat it?
Well, fergit it. OATS all-FERGIT IT! It's
| de ringside weigh-in fr ours. tsee, an
| nottin' but. Nav. youse can't spring no
weigh-in at tree o'clock on de aft'noon o.
| de fight. neether. De ringside weigh-in.
| tsee. an dat swings as she's planted, BIO,
an no comeback. Got dat?'
Mulhooly's wrath has been so purplish
during this speech of Healy's that he has
bitten three chunks out of his rum glass
1 and is chewing on them while he emts hor-
| rible sounds, but the barkeeps and hangers
on soothe him out some, and after a while
some more amphora of red-eye being
licked up, they begin again.
"Lettin' dem other things pass out o. de
deck f'r minnit." says Healy, 'wots de
| idea youse is got about de referee, hey? I
s'pose youse thinks We'll stan FIR havin'
youse ring in some stiff out O. de or La
dies Home t referee de go. hey?'
We'll. I'll tell youse an idea we amt
got, promptly replies MulhooIy I'VE amt
got no scheme T. ring in some mug FIR ref
cree dat gifts his sure-ting coin down on
| de,one he's framed FIR winnin' in advance,
like dat stif youse had dat kicked de odder
fighter in de chins ev'ry time he pulled he
boys apart f'r break. We got young
Teller in mind FIR referee, yes, sure we
have. He's Smudge McGlue, O. Los Ange-
Il