The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1906-05-23

deed. We had published the fact that
George Washington never swOre. Hap
Iy Jim roCe into town il took issue
with Us. Tie way be tool issue was
to kick our Goor open and begin shoot
ing. He nicked us in the shoulder and
scratched us in the SIDE before he real
lied what sort of a crop he was raising,
and five minutes later he was flying
around in another land. name not eX-
act!y known. He seemed to be a jO-
vial cuss, smiling as he fired away,
and we often wish that he could Have
been spared to edit our humorous de-
! rartment.
No. 1O.-We We're riding out toward
Dog Creek one summers day and
feeling at peace with all mankind.
when we met "Chaw 'Em-Cp Pete" He
was on his way to town to pay Us u
visit and deny point blank that a whale
ever swallowed Jonah. He began to
whoOp and shoot as soon as he saw US,
giving US no time for explanations. and
he fell before our second bullet like Il
green bay tree.
No. ll.-This gentleman was Colonel
AVA 49, 'CLIO"Su G4O vi US lOl
half an hour. and when a year and q
half had elapsed and we called his at
tention to the little matter he persist
ed that we doubted his honor. We
finally acknowledged we did, and.
thinking that Our guns were at the
shop to be required. he began to blaze
away. We saw Il surprised expression
on his face as he fitted away into the
unknown. We hope that he is with the
angels. If he is they want to look out
how they lend him any cash.
No. 12.-This incident took place in Il
thunderstorm and at night. We were
looking out of III bedroom window in
he Kicker office at the display of the
elements when some one fired on us
in the darkness. We grabbed a gun
and fred back. Next morning a
stranger was found dead on the street.
He has never been identified and 5
down on our list as "Thunderstorm
Harry"
No. l3.-Just Il common plug of a
%critter. who differed with us as .
how to run q paper. There would have
been 10 shooting and no funeral If he
hadn't begun operations. His name
was found to be Rocky Mountain
Jim
No. l4.-Cnder this headstone reposes
all that is mortal Of Captain Joe Tay-
Tor. He visited the office and wanted
us to come out strong for Il war with
Mexico. We didn't favor the idea. and
(NCntHin vnA 0n1lD1 n 6 n r.0 vi o~1
got to work with his guns. His inten-
tons We're good, but his shooting poor.
Only a few days ago his widow stood
hand in hand with us as we bent over.
his grave.
No. 15.-This critter wanted to shoot
us to let the people of Giveadam Gulch
know that he was a terror from the
head waters Of Fighting creek. He
wounded us in the shoulder, but we
have planted sunfiowers on his grave
and forgiven him.
No 1G.-Another nameless critter of
whom we have no record. We merely
remember that lie shot first and that
there were eight carriages in his fu-
neral procession.
No. II. This sleeper was around
town for q week or more before he
took his final flight. He got hold of an
issue Of the Kicker in which we stated
that all red headed women had big
feet, and he took umbrage at the item
and came calling. We tried to laugh
him out, but he insisted that the cold,
silent grave was the fitting abode for
us and tried to send us there. The
jury was only a minute &C.
quitting us. His name was found to
be Butcher Knife Jim but the vio-
let's blossom on his grave lust as
sweetly for all that. and many an even
ing we have sat Oh the mound above
him and felt so peaceful and good to-
ward all the world that Il Chinaman
could have knocked our hat off and got
clean away from the toe Of our boot.
NJ. QUAD.