davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The daily morning journal and courier., 1906-03-27
COMBU USTIBLE.

Clymber to valet-Now, John, when the guests are here tonight I shall call you again.
 Valet--Very well, sir, and what shall I call you?
 Clymber-Oh, you blockhead-!
 Valet-Very well, sir; anything you say.-Famille Journal.
 T came near getting that appoint ment I was after" How near?" "l got a disappointment, Philadelphia Ledger.
 Hicks-"I wonder what makes red. skins so fond of liquor" Wicks--"It's the beads upon it, supposs."-B -Bostor Transcript.
 The connection between genius and degeneracy seems to be that genius is degeneracy after 1t has come in fash ion.-Puck.
 T might have married dozen bet ter men than you," said Mrs. Shekaw- go, vindictively And what's more, I'm going to do 1t, too. Cleveland Leader
 Old Where dye come from?'' Tramp (who has seen better days)-- Madam, I castigated my itineracy from the classic Athens of America Old Lady Hey?" Tramp--"I say beat my way from Boston. "-Baltimor American.
 Tom-"How's our old friend Dick?'' Harry-"Don't speak of hinl-poor fel- low!" Tom-"What--is he dead?f Harry-"Worse than that" Tom Heavens! What has happened to him?" Harry-"He's run off with my wife"-Translated for Tales,
 1T suppose you are getting thorough ly city broke now that you've moved to town and are living in t1at? Yes, we're getting city broke fast enough, and Henry says it's only a question of time until he'll be flat broke, too. Kansas City Times.
 Spreading Himself Mike was em- ployed in the powder works. One day through some carelessness, an explo- sion occurred, and poor Mike was blown to pieces, his remains being scat tered far and near. When the sad news had been broken ito his wife she said pathetically, between her sobs' That's Mike all over!"-Lipplncotts.
 Diogenes was reposing in his tub "Get out of that" said the maid, ap' bearing with bar of laundry soap The philosopher arose grumblingly.
 Darn it. he replied, II forgot thi' was washday." Then he took lantern and began his famous quest, Philadel. phia Ledger.
 Where did you get it?" The famil- far question rang out with a tauntine insinuation, Into the face of the per. son addressed came a flush. Its nont of your business where I got It." he re sponded. Can't a. man have blacl eye without every idiot getting gay?"- Philadelphia Ledger,
The daily morning journal and courier., 1906-03-27
oNRARD IND UPmARn.

They say that Chicago is very wicked place, and that those who are trying to make 1t good hardly know how or where to begin. The Rev. R. A. White of Chicago, who is member of the Board of Education, is determin- ed to do what he can to save the city, So in his sermon Sunday he advocated opening churches and public schools to dancing and card parties and other forms of amusement. "The practice among churches" he said, "of taboo ing dancing and cards is driving almost all the young people out of the churches to the same amusements not conducted under proper safeguards. Municipal ownership dance halls will soon be established
 This is, we believe a little in advance of what it has been hitherto proposed to use the churches for, but perhaps it isn't so very shocking They have long been used for more or less sacred concerts, more or less foolish preach ing, church fairs, etc., etc.
 An attempt to save New Haven is now being made, and while it is lit tie too much to expect that the churches will be thrown open for danc- ing and card parties perhaps Woolsey Hall will be.
The daily morning journal and courier., 1906-03-27
The Real Thing.

philosopher talked, and the world
 called to hear All his ideas fine to uplift them; Ills theories were on the most common
 place lines. But he knew few would venture to He used words of sesquipedalian size, In n veroiage wrapped up his meaning; With phrases that sounded like wisdom
 profound,
 Real lack of thought cleverly screen
 ing, The people fiocked. eager this wisdom
 to hear.
 Its height and depths showed so in-
 tensely; No idea had they what he talked so
 about rat But they admired his great learning
 immensely. Nc one understood what he meant when
 he talked. s,..r Nor naught could their eyes but his
 dust see. So they marvelled and said to each
 other iii awe, What a wonderful thinker he must
 bel" Another philosopher came to teach men. The great truths of life to deliver; His wisGcln was deep, his philosophy keen, To share them his soul was a-quiver. He clothed these great truths in the simplest of words, His meaning was clear as the sum- light; He illumined the heights and he light ened the depths, Till of both, dull with cleyerest. won
 sight. The people turned coldly away from his
 call;
 They thought he claimed teaching in- l sanely; For how could he be so profound and So 1 wise
 When explaining his ideas so plainly? "He talks just as we do,' they said in l disdain,
 With our patience he surely is play.
 ing; How can he expect us to think him pro
 found.
 When we understand all he is say ! ing%
 Baltimore American.
The daily morning journal and courier., 1906-03-27

Sung Quong, Millennial, Dawnite and so on. A curious fact brought out in the returns is that during the last de- cennial period there has been a falling off in the rate of increase of the popu- lation throughout the whole empire. It is well marked even when India, whose circumstances have been exceptional, is excluded.
 A king who Is head man of about a quarter of the population of the world ought to be very big man, and very good man.
The daily morning journal and courier., 1906-03-27
TIGER LOOSE IN A TRAIN.

When the goods train from Prague reached the station of Znairna a trem- endous sertmmage was heard going on in one of the trucks. It contained seven full grown tigers with their trainer Hendricson and two keepers, on the way to fulfil an engagement at Ronacher's.
 One of the bars had slipped from the socket in the cage of the celebrated ti- ger Caesar, and he was at large. The keepers were awakened from their sleep by hearing him roaring, and, after let ting off several revolver shots they were attempting to drive back into his cage with iron bars,
 The beast was, however, in an evil temper, and refused to remain still. rushing up and down with furious growls and howls, and trying to reach a sack of horse meat hung up in the corner. Hendricson declined to allow
The daily morning journal and courier., 1906-03-27
NO SENSE OF HUMoR

An old Georgia darky owned a small and ancient mule, but which, at a cas- uaI question as to the price at which it was held, became suddenly endowed with all the virtues of the best blood of Kentucky.
 But he is at least twenty years old, uncle," the would-be purchaser pro tested.
 Dat mule?" Uncle Nose said, indig- nantly No, sah! Elf dat mules mo an six vars ole, An hopes he dies fo' mornin'!"
 Upon visiting his stable the next day, Uncle Nose was struck with con-
The daily morning journal and courier., 1906-03-27

Young Lawyer-''If you wish to get off with the minimum punishment, I'd advise you to confess everything and throw yourself on the mercy of the court"
 The Accused-"But if don't con- fess?"
 Young Lawyer-"Oh, in that case you will very likely be acquitted for want of evidence. Chicago Daily News.
The daily morning journal and courier., 1906-03-27

sternation to find his animal stretched lifeless on the ground.
 Look at dat, now!" he exclaimed, with intense disgust. What yo' think O dat? Never did see sich CT fool mule-couldn't eben take CT 1T joke lack dat!"-Harper' Weekly.
The daily morning journal and courier., 1906-03-27
ADVERTISING RArEs

Situations. Wants. Rents and other small advertisements. one Cent Word each insertion. Five Cents Word for 2 full week.
 Display advertisements. per inch. one insertion. s1.2O each subsequent inser. ton. 70 cents; one week. ss.s0: one month. SIG: one year. Sa0.
The daily morning journal and courier., 1906-03-27

They don't always do it. A bull en- tered a china shop at Ashby-de-la- Zouoh, England, the other day, took a walk around, surveyed the display with apparent interest and departed without having done more than 25 cents worth of damage.
The daily morning journal and courier., 1906-03-27

Many of the fifteen hundred Russian students in Paris are said to be starv- ing owing to the stoppage of the remit tances which they have been accuston- ed to receive from their relatives at home. Most of them have been receiv- ing $15 month, but many have lived on as little as $10.
The daily morning journal and courier., 1906-03-27

More expansion. Shipments of bread stuffs from the Puget Sound district in the last eight months have amounted to more than $10,O0O,OOO, as compared with exports of less than half that value in the corresponding period a year ago. Exports of flour and wheat and other cereal products from the Sound in Feb ruary were about three times as large as those in the same month last year. This trade development is largely &C., counted for by the increased wheat crop in 1905, accompanied by greater demand in foreign markets.
The daily morning journal and courier., 1906-03-27

DELIVERED BIZ CARRIERS IN THE CITY. l3 GENTS A WEEK. 50 GENTS A MONTH, Ss FOR SIX MONTHS, SC A YEAR. THE sA1EE TERMS BY NAH. sINGLE COPIES. g CENfA
The daily morning journal and courier., 1906-03-27

train would require the use of nearly all the railroad mileage in the United States.
The daily morning journal and courier., 1906-03-27

They are getting, together in Cuba as well as in New Haven. The Committee of the Economical Corporations is the formidable name of an organization in Cuba for the purpose of formulating and proposing to the United States a new treaty of reciprocity. The Cubans feel that our present trade treaty is only temporary one, and they want it put on firmer basis. The committee expresses the belief that the proposition will meet with little opposition at Washington, because the scheme will be ''atrongly supported by American merchants and manufacturers trading with the island"
The daily morning journal and courier., 1906-03-27

One of the big insurance companies reports for the year 1905 a decrease in the percentage of deaths from pneumo- mia, tuberculosis, nephritis, suicide, ty- prphofd fever and appendicitis, but an increase in cancer, diseases of the heart. diseases of the liver, casualties, apoplexy and softening of the brain, as compared with the deaths occurring in 1904 The most interesting fact thus brought out is the increase in cancer, which in 1904 was the cause of 5.95 per cent. of the deaths among the compa- ny's policyholders, as compared with 6.34 per cent. in 1905.
The daily morning journal and courier., 1906-03-27

A missionary lately returned from South America says that an Indian tribe there worships Bismarck as a god. Last year the Indian tribes crops were failing from trough. The chief, hav- ing seen at a farmers hut the picture of the Iron Chancellor, cut out from an illustrated German paper, asked the farmer to make him a present of the print, which request was willingly agreed to- Thereupon the Indians brought the picture In great procession to their temple, and, strange to say, a welcome rain watered the lands of the tribe. Since that time the deity of the Chancellor, whom the Indians call Bimbarko, is firmly established, and all kinds of reptiles are offered up to him in sacrifice.
The daily morning journal and courier., 1906-03-27

So enormous. says the Knoxville (Tennessee) Journal and Tribune, was the product in 1905 of our farms, mines, and factories that had it been moved
 at one time 1t would have filled 33,1S4, - S57 freight cars, or more than 100000 more than would have been required to move the products of the prosperous year of 1904. Thirty-three million freight cars, if made up in one train would extend a distance of 224,6oO miles, or would girdle the earth about nine times at the equator If this mythical train with the S25,OoO locomotives which would have been required to haul it, had travelled into space on trip to the moon, the leading "moguls" would
 have been putting through the valleys of the earth's satellite before the ca boose had rumbled out of the freight yards at the starting point. Merely to store the cars and engines in such a
The daily morning journal and courier., 1906-03-27

TER WEEKLY JOURNAL Hssued Thursdays. Oae Dollar q xear.
The daily morning journal and courier., 1906-03-27

THE OLDEST DAILY PAPER PUB-
 LEsHED tN CONNECTICUT.
The times and democrat. [volume] (Orangeburg, S.C.) 1881-current, 1906-12-27

Raiiy. Fatally Injured: Fireman I'D
ward Daley. Seriously, possibly fatal
Ily injured: Assistant Ere Oh1ef
George Muuro, Fireman Jerry O'Lesry.
Irjured; Joseph q. Oarbo, John Nlva,
Lambert Patten.
AT $50 O'Clock Carbo and NtVa
ware engaged In counting torpedoes
thev had manufactured. One drop.
mad. and caused the exiosion OF the
rest. Carbo and Nivs suffered pain
fui Injuries. those OF Oarbo being Gne
more serious.
The small building took fire tmme'
diately. A chemical company OF the
neighboorhood responded to the alaIm
and quickly eztinguished the blaze.
Assistant Ohief Aouro was 6ale'
| phoned, as IL was desired that he In
vestigate, it being suspected that the
italian proprletors had 9 greater puan'
tity of explosives in the place than
the city ordinances permit. Upon bis
arrival, he and Firemen Eady, OLeary
and Daley entered the building. win
them WAS . boy, Fred ChittV, sixteen
years old, who had crowded bis way
in.
The frmen were speculatipg as to
what could have caused tho explosion.
'I'll chow you how 1t happened, "
remarked Ohitty, picking up Q dyna'
mite osn. This he hurled to the floor,
and there followed th.ee explosions 10
quick succession.
The building collapsed, and the de
donations were heard oil over the clIy.
window glasses were broken In the
neighborhood, and debris was sent n.y.
ing In every direction. -
Fire followed hard upon tho ezplo
ions.
| Esdy was caught beneath the fall.
ing timbers, crushed to death and his
| ,ody incinerated. The others esoap'
d to the open, but Daley did so only
trough the heroism Of Mouro and
O'Leary, who injured as they Were
drew him from the burning debris.
Ali of ths injured were at once huf
led to hospitals. Carob and Niva hao
.lready been hurried to Park View
,auitsrium for treatment, but the 81
| lerinten5ent Of police almost immed'
ately. directed their removal to the
oolice station This was for Q dual
purpose, the effeoting OF their arrest
Ind 40 save them from a mob.
A great crowd had gathered at the
Gene of the fire Immediately after the
xplosion. Great excitement followed.
and there was the deepest indigns'
tion against the italians, whom the
crowd Thought responsible for the ex
plosiou, because Of their having suc6
quantity of dynamite In tho build
ing. Fireman Daley Is expected 10
die st any moment.
The times and democrat. [volume] (Orangeburg, S.C.) 1881-current, 1906-12-27
Curious Freak.

A curious freak OF natnre ia rauor+.
ed In Jactsouwald, Pa. From tho ste
Of an ola ample tree grows 4 big re"
annie. The fruit springs d're"''v
from the bark without branch or Hw'p
Last spring the tenant NOTICED asmal'
bud, which ha did not disturb Pros
entity q snsll apn'e formed, and Wed
nesaav r. 'a perfect in shape and verr
large. Farme-s dor1a-e th7t thav
never saw an appla grow out Of the
bark ref"ra and many havs driven
miles to gee 1t,
The times and democrat. [volume] (Orangeburg, S.C.) 1881-current, 1906-12-27
raYn mn CONCORD cARa
His Men Mako Hizn Eoss No yEaa
Carrying Things Too Fan

OlAcryAAS AhiAAi6S ASStf ASS = -
Senator Tiliman was aecuasng Q
political leader OF oYerbear!ng and
arbitrary methods.
..Ha goes too far" said tho GsRa-
tor. "He 10 like q militia eagtatn
they used to have In Concord.
''This man came to Concord with
o war record and got captains aD-
pointment In the militia.
'.He was q martinez. The arst day
he reviewed his company he exam
ined every hair on their heads, every
button on their. coats. It was an Or
deal for them.
"on the whole, the captain was
pleased with his inspection. One
thing dissatisfied him, though. Ills
men all had clean shaven upper lips.
Some had side whiskers, some had
mutton chops, some had goatees,
some had patriotic chin boards.
There was not one who had q mus
tache.
"The captain complfmented his
company In a short speech and con-
cluded by saying: Il.
"'Only one thing 10 lacking TO
make q crack, martial looking com
pany Of you-mustaches. I want
every man Jack of you to raise Q
mustache.' ~ y,
cat this order the men looked at
one another, and a young farmer,
stepping out from the ranks. saluted
and said:
"'what color viii you have them,
sir?'"
The times and democrat. [volume] (Orangeburg, S.C.) 1881-current, 1906-12-27
An neutrality-suspicious..

A Virginia mountatneer who had
strayed to Richmond on an excur-
sion, and who, as rs holiday pro-
gressed, became rather hilarious,
grew overcodfldent Of bis own great
ness.
"G>atlemen," he said, II hin lick
any man in Richmond"
No one offered to dispute the rs
sertion, and he tried gain.
Gentlemen" he said, IT kin lick
any man in the whole State Of Vir-
ginny."
The words were hardly out Of his
mouth before g tall, sinewy man
from his own part Of the State en-
tered the game and gave the boaster
good thrashing.
The mountaineer had a sense OF
humor. He slowly picked himself up
and faced the group to which he had
boasted.
''Gentlemen," he said, IT am now
ready to acknowledge that I kivered
too much territory in that last state
ment." t."-Baltmore Sun. .n
The times and democrat. [volume] (Orangeburg, S.C.) 1881-current, 1906-12-27
The Biggest Drug Store.

The greatest drug store In the world
will be found in one of the most back
ward countries OF the world. 1t eH's:s
In Moscow, and Is 2O3 years old. lt0
title is the Old Nibolska Pharmacy,
and since 1888 it has been In the fam
liz Of tho proseot proprietor. 1t Is s
building of imposing dimensions. with
many departments, including one cf
nrofessional educstion for the staff
which plumbers 700 persons. They
mako up about 200 prescriptions a
dsy. and so perfect, is the organiza'
1ion that an error is seldom recorded
The times and democrat. [volume] (Orangeburg, S.C.) 1881-current, 1906-12-27
Tbe Coyv and the Summer Girl

IDS COW S<lU Cuo 6I1AAAuoT ViEAs
The Cow charged upon the saun-
tering Summer Girl, all in the usual
way, and was not a little disconcert-
ed when the creature stood her
ground.
"Why don't you take to your
heels?" demanded the Cow, impa-
tiently, and added with a palpable
sneer: Because they are French
heels, perhaps."
mo, ma'am," replied the Summer
Girl with considerable asperity. IT'S
simply because my parasol is no res
der than you are. My advice to you
10 to cast the beam out Of your own
eye before you 60 cunning after the
mote in your neighbor's eye."
Now, by this the Cow was 30
crushed and humiliated that she
forthwith retired to dairy. confess
ing herself unequal to the duties Of
farm whore they took miscellaze-
2us boarders.
The times and democrat. [volume] (Orangeburg, S.C.) 1881-current, 1906-12-27
His Fathers Mark.

! DR.. Edward Brooks, the noted
teacher and author Of Philadelphia,
described at a dinner the great
strides that popular education had
made in the past fifty years.
Smaller and smaller" he said,
becomes the percentage Of the IL
Eterate, of those who cannot read
or write. It won't be long before q
thing which once happened to me In
Sullivan county will be quite impos-
sible.
.'When I was teaching school In
my youth in Sullivan county, boy,
.one morning undertook to &c
through the alphabet.
"He stumbled along, and finally
came to full stop before the letter
*.
I, "'Dunno that un,' he said.
"'oh, yes, you do," said I. Think
sminute.1-easte.I.g
''He thought. Then he frightened.
Why, he said, that's dad'E
NAME"
The times and democrat. [volume] (Orangeburg, S.C.) 1881-current, 1906-12-27
Pariop Oar Diversion.

"Porter," said the fussy lady In
the parlor ear, II wish you would
open this window"
Tho lady In the seat directly
across the car heard the request and
drew o cloak about her.
Porter, II that window 10 opea-
ea',' che snapped testify. Il shaa
freeze to death"
"And II the window 70 ReSs
closed" returned the other paasen-
ger, II shall surely suffocate."
The porter stood tilnidly betWeea
the two fires.
Porter" remarked the CONNER
cial traveller. your duty 70 verJ
plain. Open the window and freeze
one lady. Then close It and suhoeate
the other.
The times and democrat. [volume] (Orangeburg, S.C.) 1881-current, 1906-12-27
Supplanted.

When father goes to look for worR.
There's sorrow In his face.
He never gets around before
Some woman has the place.
Sisters stenographer,
My aunt clerks in Q store.
II he applies at A. NJ
Some girl was there St 4.
II some one hires him twill not put
An end to his Distress;
A feminine relation comes
And takes the job for less.
They sneer because he doesn't work.
The Jest is far from new:
The truth is that there's nothing LETT
For poor old dad to dol
Washington Star
The times and democrat. [volume] (Orangeburg, S.C.) 1881-current, 1906-12-27
Meant the Account.

William Jones, who keeps shop
dn Sussex town. is always known az
:"Bill" to his intimate friends. Last
spring he came up to London to or
der q stock OF goods,
I The goods were sent Immediately,
;asaa reached home baforo ho did.
: whsa the boxes were delivered at
his shop by the carter his wife hap
pened to look at the largest; she ut
tered loud cry and called for .
hammer.
/ A neighbor, hearing the screams,
rushed to her assistance, and asked
what was the matter.
The wife. pale and faint, pointed
to' an inscription on the boz, which
read as follows: "Bill inside"
The times and democrat. [volume] (Orangeburg, S.C.) 1881-current, 1906-12-27
.Gettine Around a DinacuIty.

An instructor in o certain boys
school is noted among his pupils for
his difficult examination questions.
One Of the youthfIai students, after
struggling over o particularly strea'
;uous list Of questions IN geography
came upon the following query,
which completely stumped him:
! "Name twelve animals OF the pe-
lar regions"
The youngstsr scratched his head,
Thought hard for many minutes, and
finally, after the spell OF sudden
Inspiration, wrote:
ask seals and six polar bears"
The professor was so pleased with
his pupils cleverness that he mark
ed him 100 per cent.-Lppineott's.
The times and democrat. [volume] (Orangeburg, S.C.) 1881-current, 1906-12-27
THE LIMIT or RNDURANClls
Psggy Baked Whea Taken for .
CASTOR Clothes Bureaus

Peggia Newton had bean faith
fult household drudge for years, and
had not grumbled much when hef
wages were occasionally passed
over; but as time went on, and her
salary fell more and more into ar
Eears she yentured TO ask for some
thing "on account"
'eWhy, haven't paid your wages
lately, Peg? How careless Of me-"
her mistress said. "I'm sorry have
no money in the house just now; but
here's smart cloak that I've ceased
to wear, and which Is only Q wee bit
,out Of fashion. You'll take It in lieu
OF wages, won't you2"
s'No, ma'am, I'm sure I shan't," !"
said Peg, wrathfully eyeing the fad
ed old cloak. "a peg I may be by
name, but I won't be the sort Of peg
that people hang cast-otr clothes on
not Il ] know It,,
The times and democrat. [volume] (Orangeburg, S.C.) 1881-current, 1906-12-27
Killed Himself.

T. J. Thornton head Of . large
mercantile firm at Morgan, Ga, COM
nitted suicide Wednesday morning
BY shooting himself. He left hi'
home and went to the court house
about daylight, and committed the
deed Financial embarrassment 1s
tho alleged cause for the aot. He
leavee o large family.
The times and democrat. [volume] (Orangeburg, S.C.) 1881-current, 1906-12-27
His Divinity.

This Is the way Colorado bach
elor POLITICALLY lays bouquet at the
feet OF his best girl: "There Is glad
ness In hor gladness when she's glad,
there Is sadness In her sadness when
she's sad. But the Gladness Of her
gladness nor the sadness of her sad
ness Is nothing to her madness when
she's 1aad"-HarperB Weekly.