Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1906-01-28

That Will be quite a JOB, won II
We'll, he doesn't think he can get it done
| before next July"
Begging your pardon, did Col. Pete Hep
burn come down with your party?"
mo Col. Hepburn was booked for pas
sage, but at the last minute he had to
draw the Hepburn bill for railway rate
regulation
yes, Pete Hepburn is to be the father
of the railway rate bill
! Begging your pardon. gentlemen. the
same way he was father of the Panama
canal?"
4 was talking to a beet sugar man the
other da-'
Begging your pardon gentlemen. but is
that beet sugar infant industry still tax
ing up time in Washington
Indeed It is.
Gee. 1t must need shave by this time. =
They tell ME that Elihu Root is he heir
| apparent to the presidential nomination
In 1905"
Perhaps the viii isn't made yet"
The Guide to Washington.
The souvenirs of the dinner were small
Gridiron shove!s, and an illustrated Grid
iron Guide to Washington
These were some of the descriptions in the
guide:
Chose who are Interested in Engineer
ing Problems should not Fail to Visit the
Mills Building In the Rear Part of this
Structure on the Sixth Floor Shonts Is
Digging Canal and Bishop is Writing
One. The Problem is to see How Long
They can Keep at 1t. On Leaving the Mills
Building visitors may Probably Call at the
Smithsonian Institution where Prof. Lang
ley is Financing a Flying Machine
THE Navy Department is a Massive
Granite Building with a French Roof and
a French Secretary. 1t Is the Headquar-
ters of the National Civil Service Reform
Association pro TEN. Friends of Good
Government are Respectfully Invited TO
Step in and see an Office run by Man
who for Many Years has been Telling Peo-
pie how one Ought to Run
post Office Department. Passing Rap
idly through Postmaster General Cofte!-
you's Ante Room we come TO the Headquar-
ters of the Republican National Com mittee.
1t has direct private Telephone Communi-
cation with the White House.
",rhe Pension Office is Supposed to be the
Ugliest Building in Washington. The Out
side Freze Represents the Intending Pro-
cession of Decapitated Commissioners Pass
ing into Private Life. The Inside Freeze is
for Old Soldiers and Inaugural Balls"
1.-THE White House-This is a School for
the Education of Senators and Representa-
tives as to their Duty to their Country.
The Head-Master is Mr. 7. Roosevelt,
ABB, AM, LID, Lift. D. 0Harvard: 1850.
There is a Gymnasium Connected with the
Institution The Motto is
"Hit First and Frequent"
Cosmos Club.-Formerly the Residence
of Mrs. Madison. 1t Has an Insomnia Cure
Annex Many Notable Scientific Men Sleep
in this House. Opposite the Cosmos Club
is the Office of Henry Gassaway Davis, who
is Unique in Washington for Never Having
been in Politics.
Not far Away is the Metropolitan Club.
The Commissioner of Internal Revenue Re-
ports the withdrawal of 1O5 900 600 Gallons
of Whisky for Rectifcation during the
Last Fiscal Year, and 10000 Gallons for
Bottling in Bond.
Among the Rules of Etiquette" in the
Guide were these:
The President ranks as King. The Vice
President however, is not Heir Apparent.
Invitations front the President are Com
mands. His Criticisms of all Matters. Pub
lice and Private. must be Respected News
paper Correspondents Study his Wishes
and are Guided by them.
The Lower Glasses make the first Call
upon Those Above them. This Rule is Rig
idly Enforced. The Secretary of the Treas
ury, for example. is Expected to Call upon
Mr. J. Pierpont Morgan.
Congressman with families will Refrain
from Taking Cake and Fruit Home to the
Children.
Loaded Revolvers Strapped to the Hip are
Permitted only to Private Secretaries.
Members of the Cabinet are on View
every Tuesday and Friday They must not
be spoken to Without Written Permission.
NENTED.-To Cogrenpo0A with House