The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1906-11-11

/ ing newspaper into row or accordion
plaits. what sensation woman ere
ates when she does anything originsl?"
The bachelor glanced up apprehensively.
II hope ne began anxiousiy, You
haven't been doing anything
"Of course not. Mr.. Travers,' inter
posed the widow hurriedly. I'm thinking
about that Chicago girl who offered her-
self for sale at her market value. Why
should men be so astonlshed-"
We aren't astonished." protested the
bachelor, mournfuIly watching the trans
formation of his night edition" into a
fluted ruffie, at anything you do. We're
only hurt"
'Why?" asked the widow. suddenly re-
I leasing the accordion plaits and begin
ming 70 fold them crosswise. Because
one Of US has discovered that We have q
market value? Because women are be
/ ginning to appreciate their intrinsic worth
and TO demand a return for value re-
I ing the night edition dramatically, what
+ has woman stood for in the matrimonial
equation ="
*" replied the bachelor laconically.
/ The widow stopped suddenly with the
wrinkled paper Ia midair.
i don't know whar you mean, Mr..
! Travers,' she remarked coldly.
X, explained the bachelor, is the IN
known quantity-the thing that keeps
I you guessing. and
And YET retorted the widow. the
/ minute one Of US explains herself and
/ becomes q known quantity man lifts I'D
/ his hands in horror"
/ In self-protection. you mean correct
/ ed the bachelor taking out a cigar ard
/ lighting il reflectively He doesn't want
nlatrimony abolished altogether which il
/ would De II We all knew in advance
Not at all returned the widow en-
+ phatically That's just what mean II
q man knew In advance exactly what he
/ was getting IN the way of a wife there
+ would be less appolntment and unhap-
Finess afterward. II every woman were
appraised and marked az her true vaIUa-
/ ton before marriage fewer men would be
1 tied up 70 IS per cent Jolly" and per
cent cook"
I "Or s. per cent tailor and - per cent
hgure,' added the bachelor thOughtfully.
wives continued the widow. calmly
Ignoring the interruption. would be
properly distributed at the altar The
misery old gentleman with his eve on
( his money box would hesitate several
+ times before marrying the girl with a .
I per cent bonbon appetite or a 80 per cent
I jewel fad He would prefer 70 tie VI
sensibly 10 the comfortable old maid
with an income of her own and her heart
in the bank; while the rapturous young
man in search OF sentiment would look
With cold eye upon the calculating
woman OF the world, % per cent self-in-
terest. whom he now wooes so ardently.
II wouldn't be the slightest temptation 10
Arabella TO palm on store sponge cake
on Harold as her own make nor TO
D te4n n he'll 30 !
frock she wears IS her own manufacture.
ST. Eould know that the moment he got
her home and discovered the seamy side
10 her disposition and the thin places in
her character, he could"
Return her c. Q. D. TO papa and sue
the old man for getting money under
false pretenses,' finished the bachelor en-
Enthusiastically.
Marriage" went on the widow with an
inspired look, would be an honest-er-
er-transaction."
There wouldn't be any marriage" pro-
tested the bachelor ruefuIIy ITS only
our illusions about women now that lure
US into t. II would be terribly hard"
It's hard now" sighed the widow.
With her chin on her hand and her eyes
on the FIRE.
Hard on the girls, mean" explained
the bachelor.
Not half so hard as being wrongly ap-
praised and then readjUsted and made
over after marriage declared the widow
promptly. No man knows the shock a
woman receives when she discovers that
she has got 10 live up 10 a standard that
IS half angel and half cook. Most Of the
cases in the divorce courts could be
traced 10 w0man's deception before mar
rage and mans attempt at her refOrma-
T IL =
. thOughtfully. IF they could all be re-
duCed 10 a common denominatUr and la
beled-"
labeled exclaimed the bachelor.
Who would dare to label them? And
where would YOU find common denomi-
nator, when no two Of them are alike?r'
Masculine taste said the widow. look
ing up refieetiyely under one curl. could
be the common denomination. We l1ight
begin by allowing 20 per cent for cooking
and"
Men don marry their cooks any more
They hire Them" declared the bachelor.
And 30 per cent for beauty went on
the widow
Beauty" remarked the bachelor Iacon-
ioalIy, is all right-in other mems wives
and in the girl you're going to fiirt with
But a man can get used 20 looking at the
q y
opposite her at the dinner table and
across from her at the fireplace. And
he can get used 10 the prettiest one in the
same way, until she doesn't even give him
thrill. Besides he added. refectiveIy.
most men take their last look at their
wives at the altar, anyway"
The widow sat up straight and sighed
Well she began. there's cleverness
and common sense and
Don't count" interrupted the bachelor
emphatically- ''Of course a man likes
woman to have sense-but not too much
sense. 1t would be pathetic" he went
on, pulling at his cigar musingly, never
TO be able 10 give your wife any advice;
and a woman who knows everything
would know too much about her husband
to get along with him or to give him that
tender devotion and glowing admiration
which are necessary
ITO masculine egotism." said the widow
promptly. But" she added. helplessly,
I've mentioned all the good points,
You haven't mentioned good nature,
said the bachelor
POOH Knocked the widow. making a
horn Of the bachelors newspaper and
talking through it. Good nature doesn't
count at all"
1T counts leo per cent" declared the
DdcHelOI- When You nave II around the
house. It's the oil upon the troubled
waters of matTimony. A woman can
smile herself into a mans heart more
easily than she can talk herself into IL.
or cook herself into ii, or fiirt herself
into il. The woman who can smile when
the rent is overdue, and laugh when you
knock over her imported vase. and be
cheerful when you have to wake her up
at ) o'clock on 4 rainy morning to get
your breakfast, and happy when she
can't afford a spring bonnet and per
fectly cOntented when the cook leaves
= q ~