davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Perth Amboy evening news., 1906-07-13

An honest mar does not make him
self "a dog for the sake of a bone
From the Danish.
1t is good to be a priest at Easter,
child in Lent. peasant at Christmas,
and fool in harvest time.-From the
Danish.
Sarah Bernhard has a huge bed Is
feet long.
Patti sleeps with a silk scarf about
her neck.
Brides in Australia are pelted with
o S leaves. r
In stature Eskimo women are the
shortest on earth.
No photographs are ever taken OF
women In China.
A woman's brain declines in weight
after the age of 80.
In Africa wives are sold for two
packets of hairpins.
New York has $1,000 women who
support their husbands.
H%ottentot widows cut off q finger
Joint when they remarry.
Drunkenness is rare, smoking COM
mon among Japanese m
Perth Amboy evening news., 1906-07-13

1t Is hard to persuade a community
that you r any better than your
neighbors.
Perth Amboy evening news., 1906-07-13

A sensible h~ousekeeper begins to
sweep her stairs from the top.-From
the German.
Perth Amboy evening news., 1906-07-13

Every person imagines that his is
a special case among the ills that af-
feet mankind in general.-Uncle Dick,
in Madison Journal.
Perth Amboy evening news., 1906-07-13

No one is so prosperous that he can
afford to malign other people.
Perth Amboy evening news., 1906-07-13
BY THE WAY.

Even a stingy person is always will
Ing to give advice.
Perth Amboy evening news., 1906-07-13

When you make de jail too nice you
better strenkin de hogpen.-American
Negro.
Perth Amboy evening news., 1906-07-13

A man does not really get old I'M
til he begins to feel secret pride in
his infirmities.
Perth Amboy evening news., 1906-07-13
PROVERBS AND PHRASES.

He who would gather honey must
bear the sting of bees.-From the
Dutch.
Perth Amboy evening news., 1906-07-13

Value of property is entirely a mat
ter of whether somebody wants It.
Perth Amboy evening news., 1906-07-13

Subscribe for the NEWS.
Perth Amboy evening news., 1906-07-13

An honest man does not make him
self "a dog for the sake of a bone
From the Danish.
Perth Amboy evening news., 1906-07-13

Drunkenness is rare, smoking con
mon among Japanese women.
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1906-05-12
IN THE LABOR WORLD.

Talk Of closer union between the four
principal organizations of railway mep.
the engineers, firemcn. conductors and
trainmen. has been revived.
The Commercial photographers union
are keeping up vigorous warfare ON
the fake schools of biography which
have sprung up in great number through
out the country in late years.
The date fot the annual convention of
the New York State Association of Let
ter Carriers has been changed from
May % and 30 to July I and }. The
convention will he held at Oswcgo.
The eighth annual convention of the
Illinois State Association of Letter Car
riers will he held at Elgin on Memorial
day. and from all indications it will be
the largest in point of attendance ever
held by the organization in that state.
Paris is looking forward to general
strike ON May l for the eight-hour day
1t is said the government is apprehen-
sive Of an outbreak of violence, owing
to determination of reactionaries to
seize the opportunity afforded by a strike
for violent demonstrations against the
administration.
new labor political party has been
formed in Montreal to advocate munic-
ipal and government ownership of public
utilities. the cight-hour workday for gov
eminent employees. the prohibition of
child labor, the abolition Of contract pris-
on labor. compulsory education. and the
prohibition of pauper immigration
According to the labor press the
trades most affected 10y contract prison
labor in the United States are the shoe
workers, iron mOlders garment worke rS,
reed and rattan workers and broom
workers. a total of nearly 5000 con-
victs are said to he employed in the
manufacture of boots and shoes alone.
In accordance with its declared inten-
ton of entering actively into politics the
American Federation Of Labor has sent
circular letters TO all unions in the Unit
ed States giving directions rs to the
policy To he pursued. In the coming
congressional campaigns all candidates
are to he questioned by the labor unions
as To the position they will take in the
event of election Men who have CON
sistently opposed the labor organizations
in the past are TO be displaced by men
who have pledged themselves to the sup
port of all projects demanded by orgaL-
lied la hOT
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1906-05-12
A BATCH OF QUEER TRADES.
Fly and Flea Catchers-LiOn Hunters
Human Incubator

\ request was recently sent out by an
English paper for suggestions Of novel
WAYS Of earning money. Some OF the
reBlies have novelty enough and 10
spare Here are few professions
which were proposed:
4 professional flea catcher, a custo-
dian for safety pins, Il collector of dried
flies for hens food, puryeyor of fads to
tie leisure classes, lion hunting agency
for society's use, motor car library To
call at out Of the way places with the
newest books n maker up Of minds, Il
grievance abater, a manners teacher.
Evidently dried flies are in demand. for
the suggestion of a dried fly merchant
came from two quarters. As for the
maker up of minds and an equivalent
Of the motor car library, they exist in
New York at the present time.
So also does the umbrella and water
proof exchange recommended by another
person. Among the queer occupations
described as already followed is that of
artistically painting with harmless pig
ments, fictitious, if scanty. hair on bald
heads
a man I know" says one ans wer.
'makes his living ont of funerals and
weddings. He attends funeral gets a
list of the wreaths from the undertaken
ION reciprocal termsl, takes Il shorthand
note Of the minister's address. draws up
Il souvenir report of the whole thing,
and offers it to the survivors
"Bereaved people are an easy prey.
Not infrequently he receives encourage
ment also from the printer or typist if
he can persuade them to have it nut i'll
type.
Ills tactics are similar in regard TO
weddings; but there. as he suffers Sc
yerely from the competition OF the news
papers, his great source of profit is act
ing as agent for the loan of wedding
presents. 1t is said thar at the second
wedding of a well known politician at
Birmingham the presents were valued at
100000, and twO-thirds of them were
hired. Commission on 100000 worth of
business is not to be despised."
Another case is that of a busy farm
er's wife i'll Australia. who had the mis-
fortune To have a paralytic son who was
bed ridden. She was Il notable manager.
and. considering the great cost of the in
valid and the loss of his services ON the
farm. she persuaded him to allow
clutches of eggs TO be placed with proper
precautions i'll the bed, that the equal
and continual warmth might hatch them.
This was accordingly done, and the par
alyzed youth was as proud of the br0ods
as possible. and thoroughly earned his
LIVING, besides gaining an interest in his
life
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1906-05-12
THE COMING OF THE DAFFoDrLs.

Awake. awake! for the SpFingtime's sake
March daffOdils too long dreaming.
The lark Is high in the spacious SKY,
And the cclandiue stars are gleaming.
The gOFsc Is ablaze, and the woodland
sprays
Are az crimson as August heather.
The buds they unfurl, and mavis and merle
Are singing duets together.
The rirU.ers run first one by one,
Then meet ia the swirlin2 river
And IN D4t-pcepiug roots the sun god SHOOTS
The shafts ~ his golden culver
The thrush ever stops ia the hazel cOpse,
TIL VITA music the world seems ringing
AID The miEmaid hale, as she swings her
gall,
TONES our from the dairy singing
4rbe madcap lambs round their staIdar
A,r sEipping ~. one time they did:
And proud Of the cheat, viii the cuckoo re-
soon tue tale Of the neat invaded.
The swain and bis sweet In the i0Fe-IaHes
meet.
And foudJr ana face each other.
TN be- folds her charms iH MS Wofld-"fle
wI.h Kisses that blind and smother
Then the danodIs came. aflame. afiame,
In orchard, and garth, and cover;
AEd out April leapt, aud first smiled, fhen
wept
Ana l6Bgcd for her Mayday lover
Alfred Austin, Poet Laureat" Of England
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1906-05-12
OUR FLAT.

There's always something doing in cur
coy little tat,
And were never down with ennui. you can
uet you- life OH that.
OF course. it's kind Of quiet in the little
hours of night.
But when the daylight comes it's I0us
enough all right, all right
It's then the doors begin 10 slam and the
kids begin to YELL
And there amt much chance of sleeping
and l feel like sayng-well'
And just about the time / turn for one
more sn00ze
hear the man that lives downstairs a.
wrestling with his shoe
big. hoarse gong goes or before its
light enough 10 see,
And soon hear voice next door a-holiec-
ing: Marie
The kids begin 20 boiler and the doors be
gin to slam.
Aud there amt much chance Of sleeping.
and feel like saying-fudge
Sometimes they get so mixed that can
hardly tell
If it's the pesky kids that slam or thu
pesky doors that yell
There's just a bowling hodge pOdge Of Il
dozen kinds of noise.
\ wild old whooping jambOree of Marie and
doors and boys.
There's always something doing in our
coy little lat.
And were never down with ennui. you can
bet your life on that
Maurice smiley in the American Maga-
zine
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1906-05-12
The Fault of the Stvles.

\ pretty milluer, fashionably attired
walked into a local jewelers. establish
mcnt recently and, laying aside her coat
and gloves, asked to be shown sometime
III the way Of diamonds.
The proprietor, who happened To he in
the store, waited on the milliuer. While
they were discussing the jewels Il man
came IN to make a purchase. After If
teen minutes careful inspection of Inc
stock OF scarf pins he bought one from
the clerk and started out of the Store
The proprietor noticed that the man
was without his ovcrcoat and about tvn
minutes after he had gone the ie,vslsr
seemed 10 have something important sud
denly revealed to him
Hes gone and left his ovcrcoat hero Z"
cried the jcwclcr, and catching up Tho
garment that lay near by he started amt
"t the door as If he were bent on catch.
luG Il thief Evidently the man no
sought had disappeared somewhere for
he was gone ten minutes. When he re-
turned he still had the garment aud was
Glutchns it tightly. Il couldn't ind
HIM he observed to the peop]r in no
store but | suppose he'll call for his
coat"
The good noturcd jcwcler lid nor mo-
tee the Wrathful countcuance of his mil
liner customer.
IN trouble YOU for my coat" She
sand IN icy tones Taking the garment
from the loWclcr she strobe from the
store with hands deep in the coats side
pockets.
VOL In be darped." the ia,veIor
quietly observed What kind of ear
"ehlNr. VIII these women be wearing
"'Ni; indianapolis Morning Star.
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1906-05-12

Zauhesi waterway. which is gradually
dryfng M at many parts.
Some ten years ago it was possible for
tte Hotiua Of steamers which ply be-
tween ChinIe. at the mouth of the river,
and Katungas, OH the Shire tributary.
n maintain communication for upward
of eight months of the year. Even
though heavy rains have fallen through
an the Shire highlands. and Lake Nyasa
has risen several inches, many steamers
and basges are at present lying
high and dry on sandbanks in the river
at various points.
The distance from Chinde to Blantyre
the capital of the prOtectorate-it but
37I miles. hut many hundreds of tons OF
goods for the interior have taken as long
a. ghree months to reach the latter cen
ter for distribution.-Bl antyre Cor. Lon
don Express.
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1906-05-12
THE Modern Readers Bible"

Shortly after little Margaret. aged 4.
had been taken To see Peter Pan" in
which Maude Adams plays the title role,
her 6-year-old brother undertook Ia tell
her the story of the creation.
And then, Margaret" said he. after
The Lord had made all the rest of the
things, He made a man and called him
Adam, and by and by Adam got tired of
being all alone. and the Lord took one
of Adams ribs from him when he was
asleep and made a wife for him as a
surprise. and her name was"
oh, | know. l know exclaimed lit
lie Margaret. quickly, her name was
Maude Adams. w eekly Exchange.
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1906-05-12
REFLECTIONS OF A BACHELOR.

4 Girl can be jealous about man even
when She doesn't like him.
People who aren't married have very
optimistic views about welded bliss
4 woman can have an awful nice cry
thinking how hard il would be on her
children if she weren't such a good moth
Ell To them.
Ii would be a good investment 10 have
81 much money that people who borrow
from You would be too afraid of you not
Ia pay YOU back.
\ man has to lose Al good deal of money
on the races To feel a : bad about it as he
does when he gets StunS for a small sub
>cription to charity.-New York Ex-
press.
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1906-05-12
TO A LATE Conner.

why didst th0u come into my life SO late?
~ II were morning { C0GId welcome thee
With glad all halls. ana bid each TO be
The willing SeFvitor Of thine estate.
Tadinc fhr brave ships with Time richest
freight;
II IL were monday + might hope 70 soc
ON S0mc far height thy banners floating
free,
And hear the a~clalmiu@ voices call thee
great
I.ut u Is uighffau end fine stars are ont;
Far in the west the crescent moon hangs
low
Add noar ut band tine lurking shadows
walt:
Darkness and silence gather roundabout
Lftbr's black stream Is near its over
flow
An friend dear friend, why didst thou
coEur ~ IatcT
Julia g. X Dorr IN the Atlantic
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1906-05-12
At Last.

Eureka, have found it," the young
inventor cried,
The populace waited with brcathless
interest for the details of the discovery.
You know We have he began. the
wireless telegraph, the horSeleSS carriage
and SO out"
at>. yes, they shouted. Continue"
We'll, | propose 20 give YOU" Tho in.
yemor announced proudly. "a president
less insurance company"
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1906-05-12
ZambeSi Driving I'm

or some months past considerable in
convenience has been caused Ia nlanters
Africa by the precariouS condition of the
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1906-05-12

Stubs. the clever Minnesota vars y
hurdler. has been barred from athlet
for the rest of the season. Trouble ln I.-
class work was the cause. The loss
StubbS materially lessons Minuesoia e
strength iii the conference meet.
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1906-05-12

NJ. BartholdiS maid Of liberty holds
bum torch in her mitJ these nights. The
feeble rays that emanRte from her
heaven thrust tiambeau are of a puerility
compared to which Romer shoals light
would cause Phaeton's -teed to do the
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1906-05-12

Sir Robert Dashwood. Bart. KISSED
the pretty girls who had come over "
Ann on the Celtic. and they joined -
the men in singing For He's j =.
Good Fellow" Sir Robert cut up
the dickens ON Shipboard and rehear~
his Romeo and Juliet scene, planned
the concert. with every girl aboard ,
Robert. clad in yellow bathro7e
Scotch cap. red slippers. and t
stockings, enlivened the concert by T'.
ing My Name Is NorvaL"
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1906-05-12

For over twenty years the man VII
takes tickets mt the door of the Emn.,
theater in New York has not seen
show. He has been at the Empire f.
ten years, and previous to that time Va.
with other Broadway theaters for sim
lar period Sim j.. ever does he 81,
out door c-ieck. He just rememha,
the faces of those who 90 out betvpa
the acts and he is never fooled.
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1906-05-12
New York Every Day.

As boss Of the circus. George o. Starr
has come into the place made vacant
after the death of James A. Bailey. Mr.
Stars title will he chairman and man
aging director. He was second i'll COM
mand and his promotion was the natural
selection of ali the surviving stock
holders. Starr discovered and engaged
many of the attractions. notably the
dip of DEATH He will travel with the
circus from now on.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1906-12-27
Wisconsin
State News
TAT ROLLING IN WEALTH.
WISCONSIN Corporations Pay Three
Times the Taxes People Do.

WISCONSIN Corporations Pay Three
Times the Taxes People Do.
Inc people of Wisconsin paid into the
State treasury this year a little over
100000 by general ~taxation and received
back as aid TO the common. graded and
Tree high schools three times that amount.
The money TO make this possible and also
10 pay all the expenses of administering
the State government came from taxes
on railroads and other corporations.
whose public contributions have been
largely increased by this commonwealth
during the last few years. There has
been received from the Federal treasury
more than S1.000,000. a like sum from the
railroads in increased taxes and an in
crease Of some $500 600 in license fees
from corporations which are required to
HE articles of Incorporation n reports
IN the office of the Secretary of State.
Inc result of this flow of money into the
State treasury was that there was really
no emergent necessity for any levy of
taxes upon general pbperty at all. but
Governor Davidson opposed renting the
entire levy because he deemed it wise to
have Il good supply of cash for the build
ing OF the new capitol. which is already
under construction. State Superintendent
[. t. Cary has announced the annual APP
p~ortlonment of the State school fund in
come, consisting of more than $ 100000.
among the counties of the State in pro-
portion to the number of school children
IN each county. The rate o; apportion-
ment was $2.166 for each child. The
state also distributes to the graded
schools an annual fund of $4,000. also
an annual fund of 100000 to the free
high schools and several smaller funds
for county training schools for teachers
and manual training institutions.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1906-12-27
RHINOCEROS BATTLES.
OBSERVATION-DISCLOSURES


William Cotton Oswell, who made
his second expedition into the interior
Of southern Africa in 1S47, had two
terrible experiences with rhinoceroses.
His son, in the lately published biogra-
ply of his distinguished father, re-
cords these adventures.
He had one pre-eminently good
horse, Stael, the very pick Of all he
ever had in Africa, fast and most
sweet-tempered, and so fearless that
he would without whip, spur, or any
urging, carry his master right up to a
lion and stand perfectly m~otionless
within a few feet of the brute while
Mr.. Oswell fired.
Returning to camp n evening on
Stael, he fired both barrels Of his rifle
at a white rhinoceros. Instead Of drop
ping or boiling, it began to walk to-
ward the smoke.
Oswell turned his horse, only to find
a thick bush was against its chest. Be
fore he could fell it the rhinoceros
drove its horn In under the flank, and
inc" LII sc III loCl hlLo LIN ak Win
such terrific force that the point Of the
horn pierced the saddle.
AS they fell, the stirrup-iron scalped
his head for a space four inches in
length and In breadth. He scrambled
to his knees, and saw the horn actu-
ally within the bend of his leg. With
the energy of self-preservation he
sprang to his feet, but after lettering
a step or two tripped and came to the
ground. The %rhlnoceros passed within
a foot without hurting him.
AS he rose for the second time his
after-rider came up with another gun.
Half-puliing him from his horse, Os-
we'll mounted it, and galloped after
and caught the rhinoceros. Keeping
back the piece of scalp with his left
hand, he held the gun to his shoulder
with his right, and shot the brute
dead.
On the return journey to the Cape
he met with the most serious accident
of his life. Stalking two rhinoceroses
he was lying fiat when they came with
III lWeuly ydTuS OIL I'LL. Lie nearer Oh
the two came near stepping on him.
Hoping that his sudden appearance
from the ground would startle her and
so give him a chance of escape, he
sprang up and dashed alongside of her
to get in the rear, his hand being on
her as he passed.
She Immediately gave chase. A
quick turn saved him for the moment;
the race was owe in the next. AS the
horned snout came tapping round his
thigh he rested the gun on the long
head, and, still running, fired both bar
rels; but with the smoke he found
himself sailing through the air, and it
was not until three hours later that
he recovered consciousness, to find a
deep cash in his thigh, eight inches
long, down to the bone in all its
length.
For nearly four weeks, unable to get
to the wagons, he made his bed under
a bush.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1906-12-27
Dick Wins.

Two brothers, aged 8 and 10, respec-
lively, pupils in a public school of
Washington, were recently absent for
a period of two weeks. When the elder
of the boys returned to his class he
brought a note from his father stating
that the cause of the absence of his
children was illness.
where's your brother, Dick?" asked
the teacher. rs he still sick?'
Yes, ma'am," replied the pupil, "he's
still in bed with a broken arm"
I'm sorry to hear it. How did it
~happen?"
We'll, 1t was this way. ma'am. You
see. Dick and l were trying to see
which could lean out of the second
story window the furthest, and Dick
won.r-Eyehing Wisconsin,
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1906-12-27

Mrs. Ames hadn't peer kissed SO
thoroughly for years. The old gentle
man dubbed with joy over his sons
acquisition.
What made you marry so quickly?"
he demanded.
"Now, father" blurted Billy, "we
haven't a minute. Run, dear, and get
ready for the train. One moment
I'll go with you. Excuse me a moment,
father?" and Billy leaped after Mrs.
Ames to induce her to keep it up.
No sooner had they gone out of the
room before a gentleman entered, in
army dress.
Looking for my wife," he said,
pleasantly. Little surprise for her
oh, [ beg your pardon!" This to Il
very pretty girl who was standing in
the hall, a puzzled look on her face.
Il am looking for Billy Blake" she
said.
That's my son." said the old gentle
man.
1--WE are engaged" said the girl, ap-
preaching him confidently.
Engaged! Bless my soul!-Why,
Billy's-" There came a sound of
voices approaching, and an inspiration
dawned on Mr.. Blake. "Eere-behind
the door, both of you," he ordered, and
they hid themselves obediently, as Bill
ly returned with his rather unwilling
bride.
1t was an astonishing tableau that
greeted Billy a moment later, when he
saw Ellen returned to the city, and 4
rather upset officer who called himself
Captain Ames, so, as there was nothing
else to do, he owned up.
What a boy!" cried Mr.. Blake.
well We'll forgive you, eh, Captain
Ames? Billy, here's your wedding pres
ent with this stipulation-the first you
spend of it must go for a dinner for us
all, including"
His wife for five minutes" laughed
Mrs. Ames.-Kansas City World.