davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1906-07-29
What Became Of Jenkins.

A chemist who for many years was
the manager Of a concern in Massachu-
setts, manufacturing various high grade
exp1lGsiyyes recently revisited cst the place
During a talk. with his old friends Of
the institution, he made inquiry. with
reference to a certain colleague Of
the name Of Jenkins. -
""By the way,' said the chemist,
"what has become. Of Jenkins9 Fine
fellow.' 49,. l. J. 49, - 50. -
"Fine chap, indeed,'' agreed the
foreman, "and very skilful in the use
Of chemicals. But little absent-mind-
ed-Jenkins. See that disceloration, on
the wall over thereq" x. -.--.@ 49,.
nWhy,, yes; but what has that to do
with Jenkins ~ -
VThat is Jenkins. )" -J.P.B.
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1906-07-29
SECOND PRIZE
This Story Gets So.
The Efficacy Of Prayer.

Years ago, an old dazky, whose mas
ss7 had some fine, fat turkeys, made up
his mind that he must have one Of
those turkeys and as he tells the story
'fI pray the Lord he said, dat he
would send me one Of dem turkeys,
Tor a week, but still dat turkey didn It
come, and I tell you my mouth was
lust a~waterin' for 1t. So I says to
myself, I must change my prayer and
so prayed one ebenin dat the Lord
would send me after the turkey, and
brethren, das turkey was here before
daylight &c. M.
Lake CITY MINI,
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1906-07-29
An Incident Of Shiloh.

During the battle of Shiloh a; German
officer hurriedly rode up to an aid and
inquired for Grant. 49,. p.
-"That's him with the feldglass,''
said the aid. H.. s--~- az. g.:
Wheeling his horse about, the officer
furiously rode up to the general, and
touching his cap, thus addressed him:
''Sheneral, I wants to make vun re
port; Schwartz's battery vas took. -
"Ah,' said the general Chow was
thats'' -,". - !.
"Vell, you see, sheneral, der sheshen
lists come up in de front of us; del
sheshenists flank us, and der sheshenist!
comes up in der rear Of us, uno
Schwartz's battery vas took."'; =
"Well. SIR" said the general, "you
Of course, spiked the guns?' -, -
;. "Vat9" exclaimed the German, in as
tonishment, "schpike dem guns, schpik,
dem new guns!-No, it would schpoi
dem.' -.-r.. *. Is -.
"Well,' said the general, sharply
"what did you do9". 49,. :.
"Do7 Wy we took dem back again
st. Thomas, N. D. P. M.
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1906-07-29
tablish church; that churches brought
schools, schools settlers and settlers

tablish church; that churches brought
schools, schools settlers and settlers
prosperity. M III ST
!. I have no money q 'she sale shut i
intend that YOU neople care for me-
What can you do for the preachers r
don t intend to put the burden of my
living on any one family, but upon you
all, turn and turn about. will not
go, however, where the tlatchstring is
not hanging out of the door. What can
you do for the preacher9''
One old lady, who had a dim recol-
lection of a small church in the pine
woods Of Georgia, when she was girl,
said:
q kin eat him, but / can't sleep
him.
That's good, /" responded the par
son, Now, who, next9"
Well, if Sister Jenkins is gwine to
eat him, / III agree. to sleep him, but
can't wash him. ~
9sThat's good, who's next9'' Here
another sister spoke up. "Well,
reckon 1 can, wash him. but I amt
much ON billed shirts.
Whether any one was found tC
nbile" the parson, the story does not
Grand Forks, N. d.
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1906-07-29

bottom out. Alabama wagon tracks
passed over my farm by the thousands.
The strain on my wire fences was SO
great that staples were drawn out Of
the north side Of the posts. A kerosene
barrel standing on the porch was sucked
out Of the bunghole and turned inside
out, like a lady 8 slipper. The. dirt
blew from posthole near the pigpen
and left the hole sticking out of the
ground about two feet, with no dirt
around it.
"Well, well,' says the tourist, ttDid-
n t that cyclone hit you, too?''
emo, 1t never touched me, but it
took the shirt I had on and one of
the straps off my left boot and carried
them over into Colorado
s... ~ -..s. Ellis Storey.
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1906-07-29
Whats in a Name?

One evening at dinner, lady who
had the reputation Of being the most
inveterate Chicken" at the hotel, asked
the waiter why the dessert served her
was called "ice-cream pudding.'
eff you don It like it, ma am, I can
bring you something else,' the negro
politely replied. w..
ooh, it s very nice, indeed,' said
the lady. 'The name is all I object to-
should serve n i ice cream with it, 'n''
"Well, ma 'am,'' replied the waiter
"that s just our name for it. Lots o
things called that way. You don't get
no cottage with a cottage pudding.'
Duluth, MINI. Il. L. M.
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1906-07-29
THIRD PRIZE
This Story Gets 81.
Fresh.

EToS1.
Tho woman was doing. her marketing,
and It was a question Of eggs.
FAre you d ite sure that these eggs
are freshs" she asked;.
IThey are, madam"
NYou will guarantee themf"
1t1 will, ma am ~
"But how am I to. know that you
know they are freshs"
"My dear lady," said the exhausted
shopman, with incisive emphasis "if
YOU will kindly step to our telephone
and ring up our farm you will hear the
hens that laid them still caokling.- m
afraid can It say any more than that. -
Jamestown, N. D. III. u. y.
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1906-07-29
.The .Intelligent Witnes,s.

A Scandinavian who had just come
over was to act as a witness in an acct
tion him. The first question put before
him was: -:ssz <t5.s
"What do you do9''7
"Oh, / is not feeling very veil. -
1T didn't ask how you felt, but what
you did, :.
"Ohl I work. -
"Well, we all know that you work,
but we want to know what kind of
work you do.'' s.sSl
"Why, I do hard wurk.''
"of course, that 3 true you do hard
you work in a factory, or store, or
what7''
nOh, ia, I wurk in a fac try
Now, that's very good, we found
out that much; but now we would like
to know what you make in that fac
tory.
q You wunt to know. wut I make
Veil, I make dollar and half a day"
3d. Es$%EsS5s IT 8
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1906-07-29
Prizes for stories printed on this

Prizes for stories printed on this
pace are awarded as Indicated
For the coming week he Jour
al again offers IS, first prize; So
second prize, and So third prize. for
"the best story you ever heard"
Ii Is not required that stories be
original, but new and good stories,
retod In the writer's own words,
will be considered In the competition.
Write only on one side Of the paper,
giving name and address with each
story. Specify II you want your
Initials used a. signature. Do not
send clippings or enclose stamps. as
manuscripts will not be returned.
Stories should not exceed 800 words,
and should be Of a humorous nature.
| Omit lntroductlons and be brief.
| Checks will be sent to prize winners.
Write name and address plainly on
each story you send.
Address, Best Story Editor jour-
| nal, Minneapolis.
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1906-07-29
Restaurant Names.

At Montreal the advertising man
ager Of the Canadian Pacific is man
named Ham, and the city ticket office
is in charge of man named Egg.
The two are fast friends and il both
happen to be out of town at once, in
quiries for Ham and Egg are frequent.
By a coincidence, both report to an
official named Bacon, whose chief clerk
is named Brown. ss
Recently Ham and Egg were both in
Bacon 8 office. The telephone rang and
Brown answered The following con-
versation took place.
Who is thats''
"This is Brown. Do you want Ba-
=: mo, I don't want bacon, brown OF
any other way a. H..
Well, Ham and Egg are here. Do
you want either Of them?D
No, don t.. Central cut that cheap
hashhouse off the line.'' -
Copper Cliff, Ont. Mrs. j. F. B.
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1906-07-29
Doing for the Parson.

The old custom of having the minis
ter and schoolteacher "board round''
had not been forgotten. The parson is
successful circuit preacher, who in
his early days was sent as missionary
to Florida. The town was off the rail
road, line and was sparsely populated.
The new minister gathered the people
and told them that he intended to es-
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1906-07-29
Tuesdays Menu.

It was Tuesday morning. the clothes
had been washed, dried and folded the
day previously, and < common sense
pointed to the fact that it was ironing
day, but cautious Scandinavian Title,
the new maid, was not going to make
the mistake Of going ahead before
being sure that she was right.
Before committing herself to the OBJ
vious task, she poked her head into
"Meesis, skuld like to speak some
thing
"What is it, Tillie9y
Mskal I cook some fatirong" asked
Tillie earnestly. ". c.,
Grand Forks, n. D. =. -
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1906-07-29
I,uck VIZ, Science,

Will H. Cohen, comedian well
known in burlesque circles, is noted for
his quick, witty retorts and luck at
games Of chance.
One evening Mr.. Cohen was engaged
in game Of poker and, as usual, was
winning heavily, when an onlooker ad-
dressed him as follows: i.
"Mr. Cohen, you are having phenom-
email luck. -
TINY dear sir,'' was Cohen 3 reply,
"Jow luck is always better than Chris
tian science.'' Il. r.
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1906-07-29

A. Fauft ThaA Was Virtue.
The mother Of the family stood in
che reception hall with her eyes fixed
on the rather dowdy applicant for a
position in her nursery.
"Why were you discharged from
your last placef" she asked shrewdly.
because sometimes forgot to wash
che children, men,
HOh, mama,' came in chorus from
the children hanging over the stairs,
Hplease engage herl'' IN. @.
City,
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1906-07-29
TYPEsETT1NG BY WIRE.

Special Gable to TIE Journal.
Milan, July 2s:-A young Ligurian
printer, named Cava, has invented
method Of typesetting by telegraph.
He couples the Hughes instrument with
a monotype composing machine. and in
stead Of the message being printed on
the tape Of the receiving apparatus,
perforations are made on the monotype
periments have been made with thesnew
invention.
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1906-07-29
FIRST PRIZE
This Story Gets So.
Changed the Name.

Changed the Name.
oumsW Ssh4 S Gawhsr b did y}9u name
CawkeT-No.
Oumso-You told me that WAS your
Intention.
Cawker-Yes.
Cumso-Then why didn't you7
Cawker-We decided, upon second
Ehougha, to name her Elizabeth.
Mrs. G. A. Anderson.
Osakis. MINI.
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1906-07-29
Why She Married Him.

They were talking about friend
who had married bishop stationed in
Kamschatka, or some other heather
land.
-" never could understand why she
married him, = said the young woman.
She seemed the last girl on earth
more for theaters and concerts than
she did for church work and sewing cir
cles.
HGirls are pretty wise nowadays
said the young man, and they gener-
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1906-07-29

ally have a good reason FOR marrying
the way they do. A girl friend of mine
married doctor, SO that she could al
ways be well for nothing, and maybe
this girl married bishop so that she
could be good for nothing
NorthfeId. MINI. III. G. W.
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1906-07-29

when completed, $6,5oo,ooo. The Brit
i IS government puts its hands in the
Cunard company out, lending it over
$12, 100000 to defray the cost of con-
struction at 2A per cent interest, and
guaranteeing subsidy of $4,000
year for score of years. In return,
the entire Cunard feet is at the disposal
Of the admiralty in case of need.
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1906-07-29
Going East.

A young lady and gentleman Of Ore
gon,, were in conversation, and the
young lady announced that she was 60.
ing east.
5sTo Boston9'' inquired the young
man. ..--- .s... -....,
"No''
q s1To New York or Baltimore7 I have
relatives there
."Oh, no, to Montana. - &c. II.
Pembina, N. D.
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1906-07-29
st. Louis Man in Paris.

cit is no easy job to get on a street.
car In Paris. When each seat is taken
the guard puts up sign, Complet. ,
I met man from st. Louis over there,
and when I asked if he had not about
exhausted his guidebook, he said:
Yes, I've been to pretty near every
place in the old town except one.
Every time I have tried to get out to
Complet the damned cars were full. -
- C NJ B
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1906-07-29
An Oklahoma Cyclol1e., 3 !

a southeast wind hurled t,1mbl eWeeds
and thistle thru the air at thirty
nine mile gait, and my gate went too.
All my stoves were drawn up out sof
the chimneys; the strong wind blew in
at the neck Of bottle and blew the
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1906-07-29
No Chinese Need Apply.

"Here's letter from Mirandy, at
college. She says she 8 in love with
ping. pong" -
'1She is, hey7 Well, she'd better
give him up; we aim goin ter stand
no Cinnamon marrying inter this fam
ily.' Miss Annie @. Elfstrum.
Willmar, MINI.
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1906-07-29
DESIGNATING the Future.

+ "A lively pupil at a seminary asked
the preceptress for permission to drive
out with q gentleman:
"You know the rules Of the institu-
ton, - was the nasWer. Is he your
father9''
"No.V 3.s vs..
81 +. Is. ~ si5
Are you engaged to hin1:f
No; but expect to be beforeI
get back rs. 81 S
Her answer carried the day.
IS - Mrs. CT .E..s 81. ssY
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1906-07-29
The Rr11tR1

"Well! well!'' he exclaimed as he
tackled he her first pie. "Where did you
II made that out of Mrs Strokes
cookbook, replied the young wife.
"Ah!' he broke in, "this leathery
part is the binding, I suppose =
Tx W.
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1906-07-29
Te Reason Why.

little Jaok-Boohoos Picture fell on
papa toes
Mother-You mustn't erys you
should have laughed:
Little Jach-1 did.
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1906-07-29
A Pa1ft THAI Was a Virtue.

Crookston, MINI.
The sun. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1833-1916, 1906-10-18
HTGGINBOTHAM OFF TICKET.
Brooklyn Magistrate No Longer q Hearst
Nominee for Justice.

Brooklyn Magistrate No Longer q Hearst
Nominee fer Justice.
The announcement yesterday that the
Gilsey House conferees had withdrawn
the name Of Magistrate E. Castor Higgin-
botham OF Brooklyn from the Judiciary
ticket Of the Independence League in the
Second district and substituted the name
Of Thomas F. Magner caused only a mild
surprise in political circles in Brooklyn.
Higginbotham managed to get his reme
on the ticket only after a bitter controversy
with some OF the league managers in Brook
Ign. and after, it ia alleged, he had placed
a signed declination in the hands OF Mr..
Ihmsen. Il is is said that he at first refused to
withdraw. and only consented to do 80 when
Mr.. hmsen produced his deoIination. Mr..
Magner, who takes his place on the ticket,
served two terms as an Assemblyman
and three terms in Congress. His friends
will be surprised IL he allows his name
TO be kept on the Hearst ticket. II was
rumored in Brooklyn last night that at least
three Of the Hearst Judiciary candidates
were likely to send in their destinations
to-day or tomorrow.
The sun. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1833-1916, 1906-10-18
TRAVELS OF SNAKES TOOTH.

It Comes Out o. Burns's Right Thumb
Why, He BIT MY Left thumb. Says Burns.
Donald Burns, keeper OF the bird house
in the Central Park menagerie. dug out
Of his right thumb yesterday part of a
snakes tooth which he said had been there
about twenty years. He was going abou
his duties yesterday when he happened
to strike his right thumb against the railing
in front Of the bird cages.
A twinge Of pain shot through the mem
Der and he made an examination OF the
acre spot. The kin was Whole and he
felt sure he had not picked up a silver.
He felt something hard just under the
akin. and with a sharp pocket knife he ex-
tracted it. 1t wal a s~erpent's tooth, sharp
aa a needle at one end n about half en-
inch long.
THAT must be the tooth that broke OF
in NV thumb when the boa bit ne twenty
wears ago. said he. But the bite was
on the other thumb
Burns said that the discovery Of the lost
tooth explained some annoying pains he
rad felt at intervals. He attributed them
Ia rheumatism. It Is nov his opinion that
the tooth has been travelling from one
arm to the other. The pain. he says, began
In his left arm and then appeared In his
chest. Then IL went to his right arm.
MT. Burns used TO ha We other wonderful
experiences when he was an animal deakr
In South street.
The sun. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1833-1916, 1906-10-18
BANK WRECKER ARRESTED.
Manager McGII OF the Ontario Institution
Now In Custody.

Manager McNstl OF the ontario INSTITUTION
Now In Custody.
OTTAWA, Ont, Oct. I7.-Manager Charles
McGiu of the Ontario Bank was arrested at
Toronto this afternoon, charged with issuing
false statements.
The warrant was issued this morning.
Mr.. McCil Is charged with classifying the
Government returns regarding current
loans in 1905 and 1905. The issuance Of the
warrant was the result of a conference
between J. j. Foy, Attorney General; Crown
Attorney Drayton and James Bicknell
representing the Bankers Association. A
summons has also been issued for @. r. r,
Cockburn, president Of the bank.
The charge against Mr.. Cockburn is that
he, as president Of the bank, wilfully signed
false returns Of the position Of the bank to
the Minister Of Finance and the Receiver
General. 1t is now stated that the total
shortage Is 81 600, 900. 1t is not improbable
that action will be taken against other
directors Of the bank.
. Ames & Co., Toronto stock brokers;
issued a statement to-day expressing the
opinion that the bank directors had been
remiss and saying IL action wal not taken
they themselves would lay a formal charge
Az shareholders in every town and city in
Canada stand to lose from % to so per cent.
OF their investments the Cabinet OF the
Ontario Government was forced to act.
This afternoons arrest was the first oil
several important steps that will be taken
The sun. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1833-1916, 1906-10-18
CUBANS COMPLAIN.
Charge That Rebels Did Not Surrender
All Tpeir Arms.

Special Cable DespafeA 10 TIE SUN.
HAVANA, Oct. I7.-Many complaints have
been made to Gov. Magoon by Liberals and
Moderates to the effect that the militia on the
one hand and the rebels on the other ave
not given up all their arms. o Of these
complaints il s~ubstantiated by actual
proofs.
The Liberals also complain against the
acts OF certain mayors and the POLICE. Gov.
Magoon, who Ia having the complaints in
vestigated by Americans, Is surprised that
the complaints are not greater than they
actually are. In case charges are proved
against the mayors the provincial gov
ernoIs will act, this being the regular course
under the existing law. Charges have been
made against the Governor Of Pinar del Rio.
and IL these prove true Gov. Magoon himself
will have TO act.
Traces Of unrest remain, but the tendency
il toward quiet. The Liberals ars dissatis-
fed because the Moderate c~fhoeholders
retain their jobs. especially the high de-
narsnnRta1 oficias who VEGA identaRed
With electoral abussal
The sun. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1833-1916, 1906-10-18
TAFT BACK IN WASHINGTON.
says He m he President. but Can't
speak for Roosevelt.

StN@ W
WASHINGTON, Oct. ls.-Secretary Of War
Taft arrived in Washington at 1870 this
Thursday morning.
When asked to speak Of the Cuban situa-
ton the Secretary said that he was not
prepared to make a formal statement just
now.
He did say, however, that he was satisfied
with the present conditions and was sure
that under the guidance Of Gov. MasoOn
the Cuban situation would work itself to a
satisfactory condition.
The Secretary said the trip from Cuba
had been very disagreeable, the ship en-
countering a storm almost all the way.
RICHMOND, Va, Oct. H. Secretary Taft,
Assistant Secretary Of State Bacon, Gen.
Funston and others Of the Taft party passed
through Richmond tonight.
The party reached Hampton Roads from
Cuba this morning on board the battleehip
Louisiana
Relinquishing their plan of making the
trip to Washington on the Dolphin, on 40
count Of the bad weather the party boarded
the afternoon train at Old Point.
Secretary Taft was asked il he would be
the next President of the United States. or
whether President Roosevelt would agree
to serve a third term.
The Secretary. laughing. interrupted the
question to say.
I'm answer the first part Of that question
bus I ammo speak for any one but myself
1 am not going &c be the next President,
You can feel very sure Of that. What Mr..
Roosevelt will do l cannot say. l am not
authorized to speak for him. That one was
easy. Now what ia the next?"
The Secretary ia convinced that hostihtiee
in Cuba will now cease and that there will
be no more trouble in the island.
The sun. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1833-1916, 1906-10-18
NO CHINESE FOR CANAL WORK


BunItVycu Ahu Nvho WHh NC
CHICAGO. Oct. I7.-Chinese labor 10 not
being employed in the Panama Canal Zone.
nor will IL be, according to Theodore P.
Shonts. chairman OF the Panama Canal
Commission.
Mr.. Shonts arrived in Chicago to-day to
visit his parents. DR.. and Mrs. H, d. Shonts.
and to attend the celebration OF his mothers
eighty-third birthday tomorrow at Bev-
erly Hills.
Mr.. Shonts said sanitary conditions in
Panama were excellent and work on the
canal exhibited steady progress.
Il cannot imagine how the report started,
he said, "that Chinese we're employed as
laborers on the canal. l have never hired
Chinese and never contracted for Chinese
labor, but simply invited bids.
There are no Cinnamon employed in
Panama. to my knowledge, except perhaps
as laundrymen. and hone will be.
The story that $1,000 Celestisls are al
work in the Canal Zone is absurd. The
health OF the men is good and sanitary
conditions there are being steadily improved.
As a result the work is making splendid
progress and the output is increasing every
month";
The sun. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1833-1916, 1906-10-18
PRESIDENT THREATENS TROOPS.
D~ishOnOrable Discharge for Negro Battal-
ION That IL Hiding Crime.

Ell RENO, Oklahoma Oct. l7.-It became
known here to-day that f. A. Darlington,
Inspector-General Of the mite States
Army, read an order from President Rooee-
welt several days g to the battalion OF the
Twenty-hfth Regiment Of Infantry here
that the battalion must give the names OF
the men in the recent Brownsville, Tex,
disturbance or be dishonorably discharged.
Three Of the companies Of the Twenty
fifth Regiment, b, C and d, are nov at Fort
Reno. On Saturday Gen. Darlington had
the companies lined up o the parade
grounds and gave them to understand that
unless he got information by 0 o'clock
Monday as to which Of the men were mixed
up in the Texas trouble. the three com-
panies would be ~dishonorably discharged.
II Ia believed nothing has been revealed.
The order was direct from President
Roosevelt. Gen. Darlington made inquiries
and took several sfidavits, but no final
steps were taken to carry out the dismissal
part Of the order.