Connecticut western news., 1906-08-02
UNCLE EZRA PERKINS
SUMMER BoARDERs DISGUST HIM

He Thought He had Found a Hired Man-"You Can't Always Tell by the Looks of Cloze What's Inside En-"
 He Adds Some Postscripts.
 MT. Editur:-
 We'll, I swan, MT. Editur, it did begin to look az if newer wuz goin' to git annuther chanse to rite you letter rum Pompoonick. I've ben so alfred bizzy gittin' in the crops that I haint hardly had time to read the NEwz to say nuthin' bout ritin' fer it.
 Seems to me we newer had such crops az we've got this yeer and now I spoze prices will go way down next door to nothin' much at all. Usually do when feller hez good lot ov stuff to sell. But guess won't say nothin' bout that becuz fokes say the farmer iz always kickin' bout it's bein' to wet or to dry or to suthin' else or prises is to low or crops haint big enuff or suthin, else is the matter. But I guess when you simmer it right down to facts, the farmer don't do no more kickin' than lots ov other fokes although I'll admit they is lots ov 'em what hez found fault so long that they kinder do it now with out knowin' it. Sort of sekund mater, I guess.
 IT ,,, SIx, la. bout sum domonie what wuz out doin' harvest work and a Twin on 13 sents a day. wish he'd come round our way bout a couple O weeks ago. I'd gin him better livin' n that Never he'd sech a time to git help and it's gittin' wuss n wuss each year, Men Bub got in almost all the hay alone and Mirandy cum out two afternoons and drove the old mare on the hoss rake.
 "Tother day when went down to the store wuz thinkin' p'raps cood find a hired man hangin' round that I cood git fer a week or ten days at price that pay him and as I stood talkin' to the store keeper, looked down the street and there cum half duzzen fellers tha. I knew must be hard wurkin' hired men and begun to hev vishuns of my hay bein' husseled in in short order. They he'd their hats off, sleeves rolled up, shirt kollers unbuttoned, red bandanner hand kerchiefs eround their neks, overhalls rolled up and warin belts so's suspenders woodn't interfere with there movements while wurkin', fellers that looked like they cood do hard days wurk and git inter meal of pork and pertaters like steam shovel inter gravel bank. Be- hind them cum three or fore girls, bare headed, sleeves rolled up, girls what looked as if they he'd ben helpin' there mas all the forenoon and he'd just run out to the store to git suthin fer dinner. The hull passell on 'em, men and girls, went into the store and I follered. I wuz just goin' to call one ov the fellers aside and kinder sound him on what he'd take fer a couple weeks in harvest when he walked up to the counter and, az neer az kin remember it, sez suthin' like this: "Ah, I say Mistah stoah keepah, give me a package of Dukes Mixtuah and some cigawette papahs and can you tell me whaah we could find some fellah to do some fishing foah us? We ah find ing that labah too strenuous foah us, don't cher know. And, ah, you may do us up pound of chawklits and delivah them at our boahdin' place please"
 That wuz all I could stand jest then and went out onto the stoop to recover while my hired man vishun faded away at the rate ov million miles second. When revived some, went back and then one ov them girls wuz askin' fer suthin CT other and by listenin' close you cood tell it wuz United States she was tawkin'. She finally bought some candy ov some sort and the hull bunch went out kckin' becuz they didn't find a Wannymaker stock in the Pompoonick stores, when they wanted to spend the pocket money their pas had gin lem. I watched 'em goln' on down the street, a takin' the hull sidewalk and crowdin' Pompoonickers of into the ditch when they passed 'em, then sez to the store keeper.
 Say, Sile, be they jest rite?" "Yaas' sez he, laffin', 'that iz that they will be in yeer or too, when the freshness kinder wares off and they realize that there iz onse in vile sum one in the country that knows thing or to- Got so kinder like to see 'em comin' Used to git hoppin' mad over there annticks sumtimes but now it'sg got so they amuse me. I'd jest as live lssen to passell ov 'em talk now as to see Uncle Toms Cabin what kums here in a tent evry yeer."
 "Who be they?" says I.