The Butler weekly times. (Butler, Mo.) 1881-1918, 1906-03-29

Sings. Plays golf and the banjo. But
perhaps you were about to say that you
don't know poor Dicky?"
Il was"
You shall know him, though. 1t was
to introduce him-and some other dear
people-to you that called"
You see," she said, showing her daz-
cling teeth. I'VE are all so poor nova
days. aren't we? There's Jerry Hark-
ms and little Kitty Mackney. Her
losses at bridge"
Billy stirred restlessly on the very
uncomfortable chair to which he had
been so unceremoniously condemned.
What thought was this" she went
on, breezily. 81 thought 1t such an
awful pity that poor Dicky or Jerry
wasn't Harold Farsyde."
May | request you, madam"
ITO come to business? or course.
Well, what l have In my mind Is a
scheme-the most perfect scheme mag
inable-for rendering people sppropri-
ate. We might form company, and
call II The Irupersonators, Limited
81 think hardly follow you"
1T is quite simple, really. My idea
is to make poets look like poets. To
give an artistic tout ensemble to art
lists. Lecturers should look profound
all forehead and eyebrows and jaw
and not as II they were only interested
in some small, suburban chambers
shop. Positively, you know, these
clever people injure their own reputa-
lions by mingling with their fellow
creatures. You literary agents ought
not to allow your authors to appear In
public; they damage their own sales.
| am sure they do. And painters are
always so in need Of decoration them
selves that you cannot possibly, believe
In their genius. And as for your reputed
wits, have listened to more epigrams
at mothers meeting In one short half
houg than ever I heard at a fashionable
gathering of celebrities"
"You must have had some most un-
fortunate experiences"
mot unusually unfortunate, I fancy.
other people quite agree with me. I
was talking to -. But-as you so
courteously do not say-your time Is
valuable, and am by way of becoming
nuisance. l will hurry on, then, to
my remedy. Why, Mr.. Boswell, should
all these famous people ever appear in
public at all?"
"Why?"
eyes. Would 1t not be better for all
concerned If they were to employ other
people to impersonate them? There are
plenty of nice young men who would
look far more like the authors Of great
works than the real authors do. And
many of them would be only too glad
to earn few guineas by wearing the
nantes of the great at receptions and
balls and dinner parties and afternoon
teas. They would, am sure, stimulate
sales enormously, instead Of retarding
them"
"You forget, madam, that the person.
alities of most of our famous people are
already well known to the public. One
moment. How would it be possible Ia
introduce an altogether unknown per-
son as the author of-shall we say?-Mr,
Farsydes book, either to a hostess OF
the casual reader? Mr.. Farsyde's por-
trait has anneared in"
"And you said you were cynic!" she
sighed.
Pardon me-" said Billy, at was You
who said that"
Anyhow" she rejoined, "you ought
to know that the memory of the common
herd is the most short-lived thing in
the world. And then there are always
new men and women coming along
They, at least
81 have not quite done. :. How, fol-
instance, could ! hint to my best author
that he's not altogether handsome
How could l point out to one Of my
artists or poets that he was essentially
not picturesque-that his wild hair re.
sembled rather the stuffing out of 2
cheap sofa cushion than ambrosia
locks? 1t could not be done, my deal
madam. The thing is not feasible
And my brilliant wits! What, in the
name of all that is improbable, would
they do to me If told them, no matter
how delicately, that their funniment;
we're not funny? And then, my lectur
erers. Imagine their wrath at beins
compared to small suburban shopmen!
81 didn't think" the lady faltered
"And that is not the worst of It
either" proceeded Billy, ruthlessly
How am to advise them to chang,
their tailor or their dressmaker, thei
halter or milliner, without laying my
self open to the suspicion Of taking com
1 missions from tradesmen? And then
you know, these absurd people are prout
of their houses and their back gardens
They plume themselves on their knowl
edge Of horses and dogs. And, abov
all, how Is 1t conceivable that I shout,
criticise their wives adversely, and, Il
the last dread resort, their children
without provoking them to reprisal
that might even be Of sanguinary sort
No, madam. Your idea has points, cd
NIT, and, for some reasons I wish tina
1t could be put into practice. But .