Gloucester County Democrat. (Woodbury, N.J.) 1878-1932, 1906-06-28
UNCLE DICKY Ar THE UNWILLING.
Editor of DEMocRAT:-

/
/ Me an th' ole woman we heered O. thet
air monyment unwailin' over there to Red
Bank, an then agin, Billy Allbite be sent
me ninvetation an little dinner ticket
an so we made our minds up to 60.
We wuz both mad as a rope coz Billy
didn't send me an tn ole woman both a
eatin' keerd specially wen we heerd that
Julie Baker an her man both got tickets
to eat an also Lucy Bangs an her man.
| Th' ole woman sez, sez she, "well. Julie
uster teach skule an so did Lucy's mother,
am then agin, Luoy's mans got naughty
mobile an mebbe that's why you didn't
get two tickets, ole man.
"Yas,n I replied, that's all well
enough, Billy Allbite must remember that
/ was trustee an deestrick clerk when they
teached an / hired 'emp
ssWell,o / went on, I've got good
notion to gin my eatin' keerd back to Billy
| Allbite alb tell him to gin it to some
kother feller wot didn't get 1sany for his
woman an we eat our grub outen shoe
| box
Then tn ole woman she up an sez, sez
she, .sno you don't, you'll jist hang on to
thet eatin' keerd twell you find out whether
Billy'll shell out annther an if he don't
we'll keep th' cussed little keerd an eat a
snack together an no thanks to him.
Well, the big day kim at last am it must
been big one the way the folkses looked
SO big
/ Ham Sowney was there in bis naughty
mobile, an he looked as if he would choke
to death the big feel in hurt him so. He
KEEP swallerin an swallerin' 'spose to
keep th' big feelin' from comm outen
his mouth in wads.
Then there was Lew Mars, he jst sit on
his hoss an looked an looked as if the
whole thing would bust to flinders If he
wasn't on hand to look things into place.
Guvner Pennypiker, of Pensilwany, he
KEEP things back about three hours be not
gittin 'aroun on time, an chat Fixed Y
spilled th' hull show. Him an Guvner
| Utter was both there IN their high silk hats
4 but our little Guvner Stokes was there IN
his straw hat jist as he was at Larry Sick
i ler's the summer afore he was 'lected, but
we was proud Of him. all the same, fer I
meyer heerd of his wantin' to hang them
/ reporters coz they made fun of HIM.
My golly, it was like Trenton fare
th' way the barkers KEEP a racket goin'
meetin' house lemonade, yaller orange water
an bilious loolxin birch beer. guess they
must bin pretty good fer there was SO
much water in EN-.
But the durn thing didn't go off without
4 a hitch an fer one, wasn't sorry, for they
u didn't treat Uncle Johnny Whitall right
anyway. He ives the instigation Of the
whole thing, an they didn't gin him any
more show then a short tail bull in fly
time-an' then agin see how they used me,
an another leadin member Of the County
Histor;ele Sasiety, an didn't even gin me
d ticket for th' ole woman's dinner.
Lanlord Wesburn, away up in another
county. he got one for his woman sent by
mail an'three more gin him arter he got
here-but then, you know, it's politics an
la tavern-keeper allus gifts more favors
among the politicians than the decent folks
Of other callings in life.
/ pitied the gal, an SO did the old We
man, but il was jist good for them political
fellers who wanted to show off and forgit
folks who gin en- the chance. 'Yas,o the
ole woman sez. soon as good thing gifts a
goin, long comes LOT Of pestern' poll
ticians an spiles it,
i ssSure, sez l, an I'm mighty glad thar
air Teller Coalbee is comm aroun' to gin'en
a jolt or two. No. shan't forgit the way
they used my ole woman when I goes to
tbe poles to saye the country agin next
fall. Yours truly,
UNCLE DIcKY.