davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Birmingham age-herald., 1906-12-09
JI NED BRACE TELLS OF THE GREAT ANNUAL l GRIDIRON CLUB DINNER IN WAsHINGTON

rieulture because every farmer in his dis triet voted against him, and General Grosvenor who was appointed statisti- clan, in order that he might count the revolutions.
 How many years were you in con gress?" was asked of Mir. Grosvenor
 'Twenty-three was the reply.
 Did you-?"
 "I did"
 Finally appeared the makeup of Rep resentative McC1early of Minnesota, who was welcomed as tariff expert.
 Tariff" exclaimed the alleged con sressman; 'I never want to hear that word again"
 Don't you want job, MT. McCleary?'
 'I do,' was the emphatic answer.
 'There is nothing in standing pat if your constituents don't stand with you.''
 Didn't they stand with you?' was the sympathetic query.
 Stand with me?" was the reply echoed by the down-and-out man. NO. they stood on me-"
 , After the government seemed to be fairly organized there was great com motion among the Cubans Some of them professed loyalty, while the others set off pack of fireerackers in the stove In the midst of the confusion Judge Magoon l escaped, and the apology for Secretary Taft reappeared, clad in firemans uni form, shouting loudly for the real Sec retary of War. With this sort of an in troduction Mir. Taft was escorted to the 1 center of the banquet hall and made a characteristic speech He was in happy vein and his good-natured side-swipes at some of his fellow guests were greeted with shouts of laughter.
 In the midst of all this revelry there was a sudden pause, during which the lights were extinguished. Then a mem- Der of the club, explaining that it was the custom of the organization to pay a simple and brief tribute to those who, by their presence, had contributed to the enjoyment of the dinners in the past, spoke a few words in the memory of George Harold Walker, Robert Martin Larner and Edwin Barrett Hay It is a unique thing to stop the onward current of a dinner with a word of regret for those who have passed into the shadow | and sincere that it has become striking feature of a Gridiron gathering.
 Payu gouRd EfZ Fshrdlu uashrdluu auap
 When the few words of the speaker had been concluded the members of the club began the familiar and stirring chorus; Don't You Hear Dem Bells?'' which grew in volume as the lights again { flashed their illumination over the ban quet hall, and a minute later the dinner was in full swing again, none the less en- joyable because of the momentary re- membrance of those whose places at the table are now filled by others. Everybody knows of the Lawn Tennis Cabinet" the party of government off cials who toss the ball across the net in the afternoon on the tennis court of the White House grounds. There was a funny take-off of the tennis players in the Gridiron club programme. It was ma neuvered by the members of the Initiation committee, who came into the banquet hall with their rackets and batting little ping pong balls around the room. The CONTINUED ON PAGE 2O.)
The Birmingham age-herald., 1906-12-09
The Late Father Galland.

"So many people have been puzzled as to the late Father Galland's nationality" said a prominent citizen, ''because he spoke French as fluently as he did German or English. Though of German decent he was born in French territory. His native speech was German, yet most of his coun- trymen speak both languages.
 q had the honor of serving as an altar boy at the cathedral at Mobile when Father Galland was ordained by the late Bishop OSullivan. Every Catholic desires the blessing of a newly ordained priest; and the altar boys and congregation all ways receive them. I have often recalled how pious and saintly Father Galland looked at the time of his ordination. He was a very quiet and religious man, and loved to be with little children and the poor.'
The Birmingham age-herald., 1906-12-09
GREATER BIRMINGHAM.
the Avondale BudCet.

From the Avondale Budget
 That the people of Avondale are going to become part of Greater Birming- ham seems almost a certainty. It will be well for us to see to 1t that the provis- ions of anneXing us are fair and equit- able. There are several questions to be considered very carefully, and unless we can gain something as a community it IS useless to give up our local government If it can be, and no doubt it can, arranged so as to give us additional advantages and protection, it should be welcomed. Let us citizens, and especially those in author- ity see to it that we are not just "cooped" in, so to speak. Let's have a fair deal.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1906-12-09
QUIcK-LUNcH sooTHERs.

From the Chicago Inter-Ocean.
 It Is safe to assert that of the total of S,O7O, O,672 649 cigars smoked in the United States last year at least 2,00O, GOO must have been used to aid the digestion of quick lunches. In other words 2.000 GOO, 000 quick lunches, indigestion from which might have led to results that cannot be contemplated without a shudder, were probably-almost certainly-digested calm ly and assimlated gently with the aid of cigars in this country during the last fiscal year.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1906-12-09
Progress of MexIco's Commerce.

'Mexcos commercial activity is of more than ordinary interest because of her prominence as a producer of the precious metals' said a statistcian.
 "There were exported last year $135,- 100000 of silver and $31. .6960O0 of gold, along with BPS .655. S97 in copper. In all of these products there is at the present time an increasing interest because of their bearing upon the money markets and industrial needs of the world.
 Prom an agricultural standpoint Mex leo has rather unique position. Lying near to the United States market, her short periods of time after production Not the least among these are the ex- ports of coffee, which last year were valued at $9,2S9.000. Her ramie fibre product alone amounted to nearly SS0,- OU0,OO0, and vanilla added $4,157,000 more in the value of exports.
 During the year 1906 Mexico's coni- merce with the United States in exports alone was s1S6, ,21SOOO, showing an in crease of $SS.2lS, 900. The only other coun- try that came anywhere near gaining so much was Great Britain, whose increase on much smaller total of $41, ,673, 900 was S24,5S3,000. Germany's share is about half that of Great Britain. In our exports to Mexico last years trade advanced from slO0, ,000,000 to 5,600, 900, so that in ex- ports and imports combined the trade between the two countries gained $79,- 00O,O0o in single year out of a total of sSS3, o,Oo0. or Sl per cent over last years blSinasS
The Birmingham age-herald., 1906-12-09
REFLECTIONS OF A BACHELOR

From the New York Press.
 A woman thinks a man has business sense because he isn't afraid to swear.
 A girl can see you trying to kiss her when she doesn't look, and can't when she does.
 When Eve sent the wash to the laundry, wonder if she warned them against using indelible ink?
 There's hardly anybody mean enough to want to be foreign nobleman married to d rich American girl.
 Probably mothers could make ther daughters stop wearing high heels by telling them they were good for the di- eestinn.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1906-12-09
A FUTURE POSSIBILITY.
m the Milwaukee Sentinel.

From the Milwaukee Sentinel.
 Excuse me, kind lady. but could you SC please give poor tramp n bite to eat?" to eat today?'
 "No. mum. Not fer three days
 And have you always been a tramp.
 "Oh, no. mum. Jost recently. 1 used to be a stockholder in de Standard Oll company"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1906-12-09

Captain Hobson is no doubt ready ,o hold up Japan as warning and mea- ace. All events seem to serve as grists in his big navy mill.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1906-12-09

San Francisco has had a troubled year. It has had the Japanese, graft CTS. fire and earthquakes. It begins u long for, year of quiet and dullness.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1906-12-09

Russia begins to ask herself. what will be left of Uncle Sam after he en- counters the little brown people who live in the land of the Rising Sun?
The Birmingham age-herald., 1906-12-09

Nelson w. Aldrich is at any rate pleased with the manner in which the President treated in his message our noble and ever sacred tariff
The Birmingham age-herald., 1906-12-09

Let us hope the supreme court will accept the Presidents views on income tax, even if it cannot bring itself to accept his spelling scheme.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1906-12-09

A New York court has decided that hugging a girl on a doorstep is not disorderly conduct, and the girl no doubt seconded the motion
The Birmingham age-herald., 1906-12-09
Santa Claus,

'I see old Santa Claus and his rein deer have made their appearance at the large stores," said an observant citizen.
 Tt is quite amusing to see the little tots gather around him and hear them file application for various toys of all description.
 While Santa Claus was holding a re- ception at one of the stores for the bene- fit of the children, one little fellow ap- preached the generous giver, timidly shook hands with him, and Santa then embraced the little youngster. Santa, see- ing that he was somewhat frightened at being hugged and frightened, too, at the heavy whiskers that covered his face, he calmly asked the little chap what he wanted for Christmas. The boy then showed signs of happiness and felicity. He remarked: "'Oh, I want a lot of l,things; you can bring me a horse and wagon and a big passenger train, and some pretty other thing if you will Santa, with broad smile on his face, promised him he would comply with the request. The little fellow, showing signs of delight, said, I know you will, because I have heard my mamma talk so much about you
The Birmingham age-herald., 1906-12-09

"The interests" say the President is packing the United States supreme court when he puts MT. Moody there. The interests do not like interference with their long established preroga- tive
The Birmingham age-herald., 1906-12-09

When the political surgeons have finished "dissecting" the Presidents message we shall feel at liberty to look into the Thaw case.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1906-12-09

The President says a navy is earn estly to be wisht-one, that is to say, that cannot be whipt by any fo.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1906-12-09

Senator Depew has caught his sec ond wind, and he is doing his best to get back into popular favor.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1906-12-09

Washington awaits the coming of Senatorelect Jeff Davis with the inter- est that attends a prize fight.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1906-12-09

An Ohio woman wants a divorce from her husband because he hunts coons so much. Even she will confess that bucking the tiger is worse.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1906-12-09

The cold wave that oyerspread and chilled the northern states was temp cred to the south. It was scarcely a cold wave at all down this way.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1906-12-09

It is perilous piclSings for Pan Han dle Pete, with every employer in the land on the lookout for laborers.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1906-12-09

It must be a source of poignant re- gret to Secretary Shaw to have the same name that G. Bernard has.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1906-12-09
ALABAMA PRESS

Russell Register: A vagrant was sold at auction in a Kentucky town the other day. We would be glad to give 'em away down here.
 Cullman Tribune: The President be- lieves in circulating round and prece- dents don't letter him a bit. He treats them as Alexander did the Gordian knot
 Scottsboro Citizen President Roosevelt on last Monday appointed Hon. oscar Hundley of Huntsville United States dis trict attorney for the Northern District of Alabama. He is an able lawyer, and the appointment Is q good one.
 Geneva Reaper: A Chicago man offers to take oyer the postal service and run 1t at his own expense. The government loses money in handling 1t; a private concern would make 1t pay with a great big "rake off,
 New Decatur Advertiser: We are de- cidedly in favor of liberal appropriation by the state of Alabama for a monument at Vicksburg National Military park. Many of the other states have erected beautiful monuments there, and we would like to see Alabama represented among them.
 Pell City Farmers Union Guide: High schools and colleges are the things talked of nowadays as if they meant education. This talk is almost solely confined to the towns and cities where the almighty dol lar is the incentive of its agitation. The big towns and cities are looking out for number one. They will find, we trust, that the rural districts are waking up, at last.
 Alexander City Outlook: There is strong rumor rife in Birmingham that a new morning daily will make its appear ance in that city in the next few weeks, and it is to be known as the Daily Amer ican. The rumor goes further and states that Governor Jellls will be interested in the paper as managing editor. Birmins- ham is big enough for another morning paper and Jelks is the man to make a init as its editor.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1906-12-09

Connecticut has a village bard who is at present engaged in eXterminating his neighbors' chickens.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1906-12-09

Judge Lynch is squarely up against the United States supreme court in the Shipp case, and the eyes of Chatta- nooga are upon him.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1906-12-09

While Governor Hoch is endeavoriEg to make his state dry the government is building dams to make it wet.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1906-12-09

That annual message which yos read by sub-heads contained 30,0oo words.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1906-12-09

All the nations are troubled over a apanese-American war except Japan and America.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1906-12-09
ADRIFT WITH THE TIMES.

N GENTLEMANbY young fellow W0 boarded an East Lake car and sat down by shop girl who was returning to her home after day of toll in some department store. The girl was pretty, but this is not the point of the story. The car had proceeded only | few squares when the young man began to nod. By degrees his figure settled in the seat and his head swayed over until 1t rested on the girls shoulder. With an angry flash of her eyes and flush on her cheeks she pushed the dreamer's head away, but in few minutes it was back again in the same place. Everybody In the car was laughing now and the girrs modification was painful. The young fellow did not wake. Another time she pushed his head away and again it sank upon her shoulder. There is no telling what would have happened had not the girl just at this time reached her destina- ton. She hurried from the car in con- fusion. When she was gone MT Sleepy Head fell over into the vacant seat. His hat rolled into the aisle and his overcoat fell on the floor. A passenger picked them up and placed them on the seat be- side him. Just before the car reached Woodlawn the youth woke up, looked at the dust on his hat and coat with some surprise and then observed that everybody in the car seemed to be laughing at him. He was puzzled. The blank expression on his face served but to prolong the mirth of the other passengers. Finally the young man, red and embarrassed, left the car. He was apparently suffering from loss of sleep but was not intoxicated. No doubt, he is still wondering why those people on tho car were amused. THE PROBLEM PLAY. Red hat, red gown. Woman with past, Young man. can can, Living pretty fast.
 Two meet. indiscreet, At fancy ball, Deep sighs, idolize. Cupid has the call.
 Four acts. bold facts,
 Clnch and break away,
 Family pride. suicide
 That's the problem play.
 NOTIONS.
 Man feels light when he is getting full.
 Many man plays second fiddle to his wife for the sake of domestic harmony.
 If a fellow lived in a barrel the chances are that he could find woman willing to share it with him.
 A great many love affairs are started by a man buying a woman something to eat and the majority are continued that way.
 HAVE YOU SHOPPED?
 The Christmas time is nearly here,
 My friend, I'd like to bet
 A small amount of money that
 You haven't done it yet.
 Birmingham people who go to heaven won't have to bathe three times day there to keep clean.
 ''The old order changeth,' but not for the ham and eggs man.
 Good heavens. somebody has started & new parody on Everybody Works But Father"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1906-12-09

The Congressional Record has an advantage over it's rivals, for it does not have to pay even second-rate post age.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1906-12-09

Mark Twain takes a sensible view of going to Congress. He goes there as visitor.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1906-12-09

Japan is as good at law or commerce as she is at fighting.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1906-12-09

JUST STARTED. How far away is spring today,
 How much there lies between Of plumbers bills and other ills That make a winter scene When Greek meets Greek nowadays, the two begin discussion of the restaurant business
 There are nearly 200 printers in Bir- mingham. The printers devils have never been counted.
 A moderate poke'' is the correct thing in collars but not in ribs. Enter the Santa Claus cigar.
 GRUMPY. You may not think 1t hard to grind Out verse that seems the poorest kind But just you try the job alone And let the blooming telephone Keep ringing, ringing all the time, And just when you would start a rhyme Let enter one who thinks that you Have nothing much that day to do, And you will find my scoffing friend. The going rough. The gods defend You from the fate of one who sings Of happiness and pleasant things And says, "Cheer up'' and "Skiddoo,
 care, When he would much prefer to swear. Three of Sheleys note books were sold for sl5,0o0 Good luck like that always happens to a poet after he is dead.
 PAUL COOK.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1906-12-09

The President discussed in his mes- sage all live issues except Christmas shopping.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1906-12-09

The Shah's doctors cannot cure dropsy
The Birmingham age-herald., 1906-12-09

Count Boni is to write leaders at $100 per. He uses perfumed ink.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1906-12-09

A Chicago woman is planning to es- tablish a colony in Texas which is to be managed exclusively by women. A meeting of the city council would be worth seeing.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1906-12-09

Except In the burglary business, it pays to advertise.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1906-12-09

Cold weather in the forecast only is admirable.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1906-12-09

THE LITTLENESS OF LIFE. Little men plan little ventures, Wrap themselves in little dreams, Ponder over little problems, Foil to forward little schemes. Little troubles come to vex them, Little joys and sorrows, too. All their little lives are centered In the little things they do. The world has no idea of what some well known people are doing.
 TAKING NO CHANGES When baby writes to Santa Claus She stains her chubby fist And while she merely pens scrawl, In making out the list, She'll get the toys she asks him for And wants 'so very bad" Because she reads the letter to Her sympathetic dad.
 THERE ARE OTHERS. Of all the words
 Of tongue or pen,
 The saddest are these:
 "I'll run again.
 Cleveland plain Dealer, O, no, indeed!
 Here's sadder still:
 "I fear the other
 Fellow will.'
 Philadelphia Ledger. And sadder these
 Which here you scan: 'I'd laid ten plunks
 On the other mani"
 Chicago TribAne. Can you beat these,
 With tongue or pen: "This morn I was
 Touched up for ten?" High life debutantes whisper to ths yellow journals the amount of money they spend on clothes. The man who gets along best in this world is the man who has fewest 'off days"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1906-12-09

Entered at the Birmingham. Ala, post office as seeond-elass matter under act of Congress March 8. 1879.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1906-12-09


 CHORUS. Please all stand up then turn round
 then sit right down again. It's often that we entertain so many
 noted men.
 You'll not offend us in the least, if you're
 silent through the feast. Please all stand up, then turn round, and
 sit right down again"
 At the conclusion of this pleasant ditty Of course they never made speeches. Ii wasn't intended that they should.
 Almost as soon as the dinner had com menced member rose and announced that he desired to read a bulletin from the White House. The valuable informa- ton which it contained was as follows: .Weather indications being unfavorable the White House tennis court will be closed and Jimmy Garfield Is released to take office as secretary of the interior at once. Mir Hitchcock has kindly con sented to retire on January l. Official reason given-private business. No fur ther changes are contemplated.
 All during the evening similar bulletins were promulgated. Admiral Robley D. Evans was announced as secretary of the navy from March to March 5; the re- tirement of Secretary Taft was decided upon in order that hes might act as paci- ficator between Hartman and Fish, and Secretary Shaw was switched into the department of agriculture, because he is the farmers friend.
 'sMr. Oscar Straus," said another bulle-
The Birmingham age-herald., 1906-12-09

tablish colony in Texas which is to be managed exclusively by women. A meeting of the city council would be worth seeing.
 The cold wave that oyerspread and chilled the northern states was temp cred to the south. It was scarcely a cold wave at all down this way. An Ohio woman wants divorce from her husband because he hunts coons so much. Even she will confess that buclling the tiger is worse. l
 Let us hope the supreme court will accept the Presidents views on income tax, even if it cannot bring itself to accept his spelling scheme. 1 A New York court has decided that hugging a girl on a doorstep is not disorderly conduct, and the girl no doubt seconded the motion. When the political surgeons have finished "dissecting" the Presidents message we shall feel at liberty to l look into the Thaw case. Judge Lynch is squarely up against the United States supreme court in the Shipp case, and the eyes of Chatta- nooga are upon him. |
 The Congressional Record has an | advantage over it's rivals, for it does not have to pay even second-rate post age. l While Governor Hoch is endeayoriEg 1 to make his state dry the government is building dams to make it wet.
 
 It is perilous picllings for Pan Han dle Pete, with every employer in the l land on the lookout for laborers.
  l It must be a source of poignant re- gret to Secretary Shaw to have the same name that G. Bernard has.
 
 The President says navy is earn estly to be wisht-one, that is to say, that cannot be whipt by any fo. Washington awaits the coming of Senator-elect Jeff Davis with the inter- est that attends a prize fight.
 
 Senator Depew has caught his sec ond wind, and he is doing his best to get back into popular favor.
  Connecticut has a village bard who is at present engaged in exterminating his neighbors' chickens.
  All the nations are troubled over a Japanese-American war except Japan and America.
 Mark Twain takes a sensible view of going to Congress. He goes there as visitor.
 
 The President discussed in his mes- sage all live issues except Christmas shopping. Count Boni is to write leaders at $100 per. He uses perfumed ink.
 
 Japan is as good at law or commerce as she is at fighting. 1
 Except in the burglary business, it pays to advertise.
 Cold weather in the forecast only is admirable.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1906-12-09
NOTIONS.
HAVE YOU STOPPED?

The Christmas time is nearly here, My friend, I'd like to bet A small amount of money that
 You haven't done it yet.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1906-12-09

Good heavens! somebody has started g. new parody on Everybody Works But Father"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1906-12-09

Russell Register: A vagrant was sold at auction in a Kentucky town the other day. We would be glad to give 'em away down here.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1906-12-09

Birmingham people who go to heaven won't have to bathe three times day there to keep clean.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1906-12-09

Daily and Sunday Age-Herald. .. $500 Daily and Sunday per month";. TO Sunday Age Herald. per annum. e. 200 Weekly Age Herald per annnm, 1.O5
 Subscriptions payable in advance.