davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1906-07-30
Omaha Z. Denver a
Sioux City 4, Pueblo Q

SIOUX CITY, July 2o.-Sioux City won
q double hender from Pueblo today. Thc
first gamo was we'll contested. but the sec.
ond was loosely played, Scores:
o. flrst game II. II. L.
Pueblo =. 30 o 0 o 0 ? 0 o % o .
Batterios-Jarrott and Freeze, Morgan and
Ronnickcy eN'' NA'N
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1906-07-30
Sioux City II, Pueblo 8,

.. second game X. II. f..
Pueblo 2 1 . o 0 O-s IL 2
Bntterios-Jackson and Hoas; Cnrnes and
Rennicker.
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1906-07-30
WESTERN LEAGUE.

Al Hopquim-Tocoma 8, Grays Horbor
The Birmingham age-herald., 1906-12-16
Mr. D00ley's Philosophy

day he was in Porther Ricky. 1 haven [ heerd much iv that ile iY tn blessed since tn bold Miles conkered it with his new clothes. But Il seems to be goin' on as merrily as iver Tn popy- lace turned out to meet th' PristdiEt. They didn't have to turn far. When th' popylace iv Porther Riclly wants to turn out if a popyar dimonsthra- tion all it has to do is to roll over He was met be gr-reat crowds iv our fellow citizens in iyrything but tn name an th' fact. They prisinted him with a bunch iy roses, an he prisinted thim with th franchise. They're Amer ican citizens like you an me.
 "'Honored sir says tn chairman tV tn comity if it's not too much throu ble wud ye mind givin us a vote? Not at all says Tiddy Rosenfelt. No throuble in tn least. Why didn't ye mintion it before? lawn, wire Loeb at wanst an tell him to sind these good fellows tn franchise be tomor- rah's mail Ye needn't wait f'r tn formal announcement, boys. Go on an vote just as ye ar-re,' he says. An so another star was added to tn bright dydem on Columbyas fair brow.
 An now he's home again, an glad I am to see him. Thim cabinet mim- bers iv his have had tn aisy time iv it while he was gone. Divvle 2 sthroke iv wurruk did they do, but slept with their heels on tn mantle piece. They'll be arnin' their money firm now on. "ris no snap bein' a cabinet officer undher Tiddy Rosenfelt. He'll sind them back to their wurruli rooms. where they sleep with their clothes on an have a messenger call, a fire gong. an a tillyphone at tn head iv tn bed. Hello, hello, I say. Is that you, Elihoo? Jump down an take tn midnight express fir New York an tell thim how to vote. Oh. niver mind bag Shaw, I expect ye to be in Saint Joe. Michigan. tomorrah aven- In at eight. l have a message to de- liver to tn Michigan Free Stone Peach assocvation. Wire Metcalfe to meet Cortiloo in Salt Lake an look afther tn Mormon situation. Dhrop in on Tama Jim an tell him to carry out that bag iv sunfower seeds with
The Birmingham age-herald., 1906-12-16
BY GEORGE AIDE


to Periodicals that are full of colored Pictures and he has the privilege Of discussing the Issues of the Day with Motormen and others who have Views
 As soon as he has saved enough to pay for the License he is married to good Cook and takes possession of a Yellow House with Blue Shutters.
 In due time he is admitted to tho Union, and under the Rules is per mitted to charge five cenrs extra for Bay Rum or Shaving the Neck.
 After few years he gets out of the Barber Business and opens a Toneo- rial Parlor on his own Hook
 He becomes prominently identified with the Colored Voters Protective League, the purpose being to secure Voluntary Subscriptions from all Cam paign Committees.
 Then comes the big Triumph. He is presented with a gold-headed Cane by his fellow members of the Secret Order known as the Kings and Queens of Ethiopia.
 Also he is named as one of the Vice Presidents of the Mass Meeting called to ratify the National Ticket.
 While celebrities come around and ask him to step into the Back Room so they can whisper to him They give him Cigars with gold Bands on them. and when he gets ready to vote somebody sends a Hack for him.
 The original Uncle Tom was shipped down the River and certainly had a lot of Trouble up to the time that Legree began his selfish Prosecutions. The revised Uncle Tom never has any serious trouble. except when he loses his pull at the City Hall.
 His Children are not torn away from him. They remain right at home and board with him up to the tune that they are 35 years of age.
 The Son Wilberforce gets a fine Ed. ucation and opens a Correspondence School guaranteed to teach Buck and Wing Dancing in twelve Lessons by Mail.
 The Daughter Blanche discovers that she is Creole, and becomes Prima Donna in an Opera entitled Chicken Hash
 Uncle Tom himself gets so far ,0 the good that he can change White Vests twice a week.
 It is not as thrilling as the yarn we read in Childhoods Happy Days but it Is correct fashlight on the real Uncle Tom that we have with us today, and it will have to go at that
The Birmingham age-herald., 1906-12-16

double ''g" and only one kind of people are permitted to use the sidewalks.
 While he is still prattling Picka- ninny with protuberant Heels and a head shaped like a Duck Egg, the great Boon of Freedom is ulloadeA upon his Parents. who take a three years vacation to celebrate the day of Jubilee.
 Under the new Amendments to the Constitution the Family is permitted to rent a Shack instead of having It furnished to them, while the Crop, in- stead of being turned over to Cruel Master, goes to the Store-Keeper from the North.
 Our Hero, by the time he has ar rived at the age of 21, has succeeded, through industry and frugality. in ac- cumulating two Dogs. One day he gets hold of a Newspaper from tho North and learns that he has a right to vote. So he goes down to the Poll ing Place.
 After the Doctors get through prob. ing for the Lead and he is rested up he decides that he could do well in a cooler Climate. He starts, and for fear that all the good Climate will be gone before he gets there he runs most of the way.
 At last he emerges from the Jim Crow belt. and while pausinS at lit dianapolis to vote at a Local Election he becomes enamored of the Surround ings. So he decides to tarry and carve out a Career for himself. It seems that the barriers have been lifted from almost every Avenue of Usefulness. He is breathing the Free Air and can go as far as he llkes. IT he wishes to engage in Business for himself or enter Learned Profession he has a perfect Right to do so.
 All he has 10 do i'll order to become Business Man is to get together u large amount of Capital. TO make himself a successful Lawyer he merely has to spend ten years in the Common Schools, four years at University, two years at a Law College and then change his Color.
 Down South he had been a Niger He finds that in the Promised Land most people refer to him very respect fully as Coon.
 After devoting great deal Of Thought to his Future he succeeds in Borrowing a Razor and gets job in Barber Shop At last he finds him self in an Atmosphere of Culture ami begins to be uplifted. He has access
The Birmingham age-herald., 1906-12-16
FnNHE trouble with Uncle Tom was
 that he never went to Tuske'

that he never went to Tuske-
 II gee.
 He got the short end of every deal and was buffaloed by the cruel White Race because he was a meek and loWIy Chattel.
 If he had attended one of those red brick Normal Schools, supported by Northern Subscriptions, and had learned to wear his hat folded In on top. the same as the Yale Fellow3' probably he would have turned out to be a Jubilee Singer, with yellow Suit Case and gold in his teeth, and wouli have felt sorry for most of the White Trash that he saw out of the Car Win dows.
 Uncle Tom is now wuzzer. He cannot put it across any more except under Tent. Very few people want him even at ten-twent-and-thirt with a lady's chainless bicycle for the holder of the Luck Ticket.
 Eliza has ceased to have drag, even in the one-nighters. Her only chance with the Fly Public of today would be to change her Act so as to chase the Bloodhounds across the lce, and then stand in the spotlight wear ing a red plush Gown and sing "Blll Simmons; or, I've Got to Dance Till the Band Gets Through"
 At the time when Uncle Tom came off the Press it made an awful Hit. Even the Six Best Sellers, that are now being inflated and sent up TOT the Holiday Trade will never be one-two- seven alongside of the good old timer.
 Fully ninety-nine per cent or those who sat up nights to read about the persecuted Colored People never had seen a Senegambian, except when he shot by on the Underground, dolng tall Hike for Ontario.
 As nearly as they could gather rom the Book, however, the Slave was pious, elderly Gentleman who wore white cotton Gloves and talked about the Angels. The Caucasian, on the have ceased to shed bitter and scalding Mark who couldn't manage his own affairs, or else Reptile with dyed Goatee who drank Aqua Fortis out or q Jug and carried biack-snake Whip.
 And so, from Haverhill, Mass, away out to Saltwater, Minn., it was the fashion to feel sorry for everybody south of Mason and Dixon's Line ex- cept those who happened to be White.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1906-12-16
MAN NOT BORN TO READ.
Naturally Long-Siehted and Eyes Not
 Adapted to Close Work.

From the New York Times.
 Many persons when they see the null tiplication of bespectaced school ehil- dren are apt to conclude that the eyes of the race are degenerating. Civiliza- ton, It Is said. is responsible Tor the evil. We read too much; we use our eyes in ways that are contrary to the order of nature" and we suffer the pen alty. Did not Andrew Lang declare some time ago that man was not born 10 read?"
 It is reassuring to learn from pr. C. w. Saleeby, the Spenceran interpre- ter and popular English writer on scientific and philosophical subjects that the talk of the eye degeneration is ''undiluted nonsense" It is not. he learnedly explains, d question of func- ton but of a radical change of function, of necessary adaptation to the needs of a different environment It Is literally true that man was not born to read.' The eye of the natural" or uncvllized man is focused upon eternity"-let the symbolsts note this fact.
 The original man is long sighted. "The eye which we have inherited from our ancestors" says Dr. Saleeby lis one which is used without effort at long range, merely containing within 1t an apparatus enabling it at the cost of nervous and muscular effort to be used at short range" But every known civilization in- wolves reading and writing-that is Inc constant use of the eye at short distances hence the need of appropriate glasses.
 pr. Saleeby admits that 1t would be an advantage to humanity, as it now is, to have an eye naturally focused upon near subjects. but, lie adds: IT one started to make a list of the bodily characters of man which the amazing development of his intelligence has rell- dered more or less appropriate to his needs than originally, one would require a voIume.h
The Birmingham age-herald., 1906-12-16

right name I.have forgot, but no mat ther, was wanst well known in our country as wan iy tn most popylar midgets on tn dime museum cirket. Standin' fully three feet two in his stockin's, whin he raymimbers to put thim on, he is tn ideel figure iv q marshal hero Layin' his hand impriss- lively on tn Prisidint's kneecap he ad- dhressed him as follows:
 Great an good brother he says. It is round an happy privilege to have ye in our mist. 1t seems like rain to ye. but ye never see wan iY our reg'lar old-fashioned thunder show CTS. I make no boasts about me im- peerval domain. We have no railways. no eddvcation, no food. no clothes, nawthin much, but I'd like to bet ye all tn money Bunny Vanilla says he has that it rains here more than it does in amy other aypublc in the wurruld, white or black, give or take ten buckets. Whativer else we can promise ye, we're sure iv just this, that ye'er canal will always be full iv wather. If tn Passyfic an tn At lantic both dhried up. Pannymas s blessed rain will always be wet.
 But he says, I digress,' he says. We welcome you to our impeeryal do- main he says. As far as tn hand can reach it stretches out on both sides iv ye firm where tn state Pas syfic washes tn feet iv old Pannyma with little effect he says, to where tn tumulchuse Atlantic oozes up to Colon he says. It's eight miles long as tn crow flies afther tn engineerin' gangs an thirty yards wide he says. Our counthry, We love it, an why shudden't we, fir isn't it now or soon to be entirely composed iv mud thrown
The Birmingham age-herald., 1906-12-16

out iy an American canal he says Welcome, thrice welcome, Serene Brother. A brother in arms salutes ye,' he says. An wud ye mind movin' tn left fut forard a little. We don't want amy complications with our neighborin' raypubic iv Costa Rica, he says.
 "Th' Prisidint made short speech in reply. Sir says he. I am proud to be in yeer grand. damp raypublic Ye have welcomed me in approiate Ian guage. but ye have har'ly said too much in tn circumstances. Considhrea that 1 made this here little raypublic mesilf with scroll saw in me barn. ye ought to be proud to see me. If ye ain't proud, don't show it, or III give ye wan I'm inthrested in seein this handywork iv mine. It looks bet ther in tn maps thin it does to the naked eye, but it's all right. Ger tain1y 'tis tn wan counthry in tn wurruld that was made f'r a canal In fact ye'er happy raypublic is Il canal already. If I'd known 1t, 1 wud've put in a few locks an invited tn navies iv tn wurruld to slip through. Whin l came ashore 1 thought 1 stepped OH LII SdnSpldhh four miles out Does tn sky always sob this way on top iv ye? l had no idee 1t rained so down here. I'm wet through Since I've been tall1in' I've had an idee. We've got tn canal What shall we do with tn bye-product? I'll tell ye what we'll do. We'll pipe ye'er impeeryul raypublic to fertilize tn arid deserts iv tn gr-reat west, he says. An sindin' a wireless mes sage fir a mustard bath, he dashed fir tn man-iv-war.
 It was thin 4 o'clock. Tn next
The Birmingham age-herald., 1906-12-16
c.c.c.e.c.o.ee.ce-c-c c,.c.c.e
UNCLE TOMS CAREER
o.x,.e,.o.o.o.o.o.c.c.c

Out of this tender sentiment grew the desire to give the African a Note with String to it.
 Since that period the sweet and gen tie Character known as Old Black Joe has been shot through the dump and Bill Bailey is now the Works.
 Several millions of thoughtful Citl- zens residing above the Ohio River have ceased to she bitter and scaldlng tears over the wrongs of the simple African. This is explained by the fact that when they meet him now he IS wearing Blue Uniform with Soldier buttons and often refuses to warm up unless somebody slips him Half.
 It is hard work trying. to pump up Sympathy for lowly Race when every one knows that Williams and Walker have entered exclusive Drawing Rooms in London where never a foot of Chicago Millionaire has trod.
 A half century ago it required no ef- fort to generate an overwhelming pity for the Plantation Hand, because he was 1000 miles away, toiling in the Cotton and the Cane as long as any body watched him.
 He never had known the sacred priv ilege of cutting out puzzles from the Sunday Paper. His simple joys con sisted of picking Magnolias, playing the Banjo and occasionally closing ia on a 'Possum surrounded by Yams, but always at separate table.
 Consequently it was believed that something ought to be done for him. He was encouraged to come North. He did so, pausing at the dead-line to trade his Gingham Jumpers for fawG- colored Overcoat with pearl buttoLs and pink satin facing. And now that no Residence Street is too good fer him and he has learned to smoke Egyp- tian Cigarettes, any antiquated story book that depicts him as being walked upon is a Scream, especially to one who has employed genuine Southerp' Help. C/
 Mir. Washington is featuring at .fe Universities, while his colleague, MT. Cans. is working in his own modest way to earn the respect of the Anglo Saxon.
 Only a few years ago the emanci- pated Slave. blinking in the sunlight of a suddenly arrived Freedom, came to the White Man with a Ballot in his trembling hand and asked what he had better do with it.
 And the kind White Man, taking pity upon his childlike ignorance, told
The Birmingham age-herald., 1906-12-16

ON THE PRESIDENTS ACTIVITIES


est speller in this broad land iv ours an lift him up to place where he eud look in tn eye tn most powerful speller in tn Univarsity iv Injyanny. Akel opportunities to spell amy way ye like is me motto. Specyal privi- leges to none. Too long have we been oppressed by those that know more thin We do. Tn great liberty-loyin' ign'rant masses have been spelled down into tn very earth be bloated monnopolists iv spellin' like Dock FL tot iv Harvard. I've seen it estimated that 90 per cent iv all tn correctly spelled wurruds in tn United States was ownded be three hundherd men. Thaydoor Rosenfelt proposed to sthrike off tn shaclles firm tn hands iv tn sufferin' illiterate an make him tn peer iv amy man. He demanded tn free coinage iv wurruds. He freed gr-reat people. Ye needn't sind Packy to school amy more. He's larned enough whin he's masthered tn alphabet. All he has to do to make a wurrud now that will be officially cor rect is to throw lot iy letters into his hat an shake thim out
 But 1 don't want to give all tn credit fir tn measure that has made Us tn akels iv tn most uninlightened nations in tn wurruld to me frind Tiddy. Twas Andrew Carnaygie that put it up to him. There's man ye'd think ought to injye life. He has ivrything that ought to make man happy. He has money, he has fame, he has Andrew Carnaygie, an he's little deef. But he isn't happy. Or he wasn't. With all his great wealth, this man who had turned out millions iy gran books, steel rails. an Ameri- can wurrukin men was sad. When he cud stand his grief no longer he wint to tn Prisident about it.
 Sire, says he. Don't call me that, says Tiddy; Taft is listenin',' he says. Excuse me- said Andrew, I thought I was at home. If ye had beard an was more regal on tn waistline ye'd look like him. Ye'er Excellency, I am gloomy these days he says. People envy me. can see it in their eyes. They think I am happy They little know, he says. Iris thrue I have what ought to make amy man happy. 1 am rich, as tn wurrld goes. I am ginrous to fault, especially if it's
The Birmingham age-herald., 1906-12-16

BY F. P. DUNNE


me compliments 10 me old frind an fellow campaigner. Scorpion Sam in Tucson Hello, hello Is that ye, Taft2 Oh, wake up. It's me. What ar-re ye doin' in bed at this hour? Sleep Is roonin ye'er timper I want ye to look up a time table an see whin ye can get tn first train to Idaho. Oh. why shud young fellow like you mind a little journey iv three thousand miles? It'll be good fir ye Take a buffay car, if ye want to rayjooce ye'er weight. have a message fir ye to carry to Bill Biggs at Boise. l want ye to tell him he's a good fellow. Ye can go as far as ye like. Don't hesi- tate to say annything that comes into ye'er head. I've just issued an ediclZ sayin' that hincefoorth tn Prisidint will not be responsible fir anything Thaydoor Rosenfelt is reported to have said onless he heard him say it him. silf.'
 An there ye ar-re. He's a gr-reat man."
 He is that" said Mir. Hennessy. "Ye needn't make fun iv him. I'm with him, an so ar-re nearly all tn dimmycrats up this way
 'Ye ought to be- said Mir. DooleY. "He spells like a dimmycrat. he acts like a republican, an he is-Tiddy Rosenfelt-a combination 'tis no good dhrawin again."
 Hes very popylar," said MT. Hen messy.
 Very" said MT. Dooley "If I was as popylar as he is I'd always keep me fingers crossed"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1906-12-16

& CO.1
 SSW %s. :::e :::. s: ":-; !: n.::::.; s::':5: ::::
 Not much, said MT. Dooley. Hes not doin' much. Ye seldom hear iv him. Whether 'tis old age creepin' on-he must be all iv twinty-four-Or tn responsibilities iy tn office 1 don't know, but he's kind iv quieted down. Now, ye take last week. With tn exception iv bouncin' a few indispinsable cabinet officers, in- vintin' battleship, writin' an article on tn spoorts iv tn ancient Greeks, lecturin tn Presbyteeryan church on infant damnation, refereein' a poker bet between wan iv his old compan- yons in arms an tn estate iv an other, describin' tn delights iv ocean thravel to tn navy, passin out bunch iy lagal tips to tn supreem coort, di- visin' tackles back play f'r football, an sindin' a recipe fir preparin' pie plant f'r tn table to tn Ladies Cookin' club iv Omaha, ye might say he hardly done anything last week
 Maybe tn poor man is sick said MT. Hennessy.
 ''Divvle tn bit. He's not tn kind that gets sick, an tn Prisidincy is wan iv tn healthiest job in tn wurruld. No wan was iver ilicted to it that was even suspected iv slight cough. They go in strong an they stay sthrong. All tn Prisidint has to do is to keep Fairbanks out iv the kitchin iv tn White House. No, Tiddy ain't sick. He's like mesilf. He's set tied down to a broad an comprehen- sive view iv life, dye mind. He takes no action onless 'tis demanded be tn needs iy tn whole people. Now, there's spellin reform. No Prisidint befure him iver tackled that. Andrew Jack son might have done it, but he wud'ye been accused iv selfish motives. That gr-reat man spelled like broken type writer
 "I'd always thought that if I iver was ilicted Prisidint-an l might've been if I'd stuck in pollyticks an been more prudent about where 1 was bor-rn tn first thing I wud do wud be 10 make bad spellin' more respectable. 'Twud be me ambition to take tn poor
The Birmingham age-herald., 1906-12-16

Sweater who can give him 8 Good Thing in the Second Race at Jamaica.
 And so all along the Line. It doesnt seem quite regular to reach out the Helping Hand to one who can afford Musk Perfumery. Cut out the Weeps, for, behold, the dusky Toiler has just staked himself to a Red Vest and
The Birmingham age-herald., 1906-12-16
HATS tn, Prisidint

Copyrighted, 1906, by II. II. Mcclure
The Birmingham age-herald., 1906-12-16
Obvious Explanation.

From the Chicago Tribune.
 "I find it difficult to grasp some of your idioms." said the scholarly looking man with the spectacles and the slightly for eign accent For example, l rendered to a cab driver this morning a coin which I supposed was the legal fee. He looked at Ii and said 1t was shy about one, half What did he mean by shy?'"
 "fIe meant that you had offered him too modest a sum-" said the native.
 70 | seel"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1906-12-16

him that if he wanted to live until Watermelons were ripe he had better take it out back of the Smoke House and bury it.
 How different today! It is the White Man who is seeking advice and guid- ance. He has learned to hunt up coffee.colored Rail.Bird with a Blue
The Birmingham age-herald., 1906-12-16
Iinmond Horse-Shoe.


 Uncle Tom is hot story, but it has nothing to do with what is being pullei off at present. It needs going ove'. Here is the certified Dope on MT. Thomas, if he could be with us today He is born in Yazoo City, where they spell Afro-American with the