davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-01-11
QUAKER REFLECTIONS.

IF'rom the Philadelphia Press.l
To err is human, to forgive is super
human.
Even if at first you succeed there is
no reason why you shouldn't try again
Just because a woman never cleans
house is no sign that she is Intellectual
1t may be possible to love two girls
at the same time. but not if they
know It.
The doctrine of the survival of the
fittest doesn't appeal to those who get
left.
Mr., Buggins-'tYou know I am right
about this question of economy. Now,
will you give IMP Mrs. Buggins-
Yes, when you shell out"
Harduppe sBjones is pretty close.
isn't hep" BorroweIl-'I should say
So When you borrow a dollar from
him you earn it by the sweat of your
brow"
Tommy Pop. what is a hypochon-
driac2" Tommy's Pop-"A hypochOn-
driac. my son. is a man who begins to
get worried when he finds there is
nothing the matter. with him.
Your landlady tells some fierce
chestnuts," remarked the guest whom
the star boarder had entertained at
dinner. yes replied the star board
err 1--WE get table bored by the day.
week and month
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-01-11
POINTED PARAGRAPHS.

TFrom the Chicago News.l
Words of a silent man are never re-
peated in court.
What a mans thinks Of him is not
far from the truth.
You can't insult some politicians by
Offering them tainted money
only a brave man would marry a
woman who isn't afraid of a mouse.
Many men are more anxious to save
their money than their honor.
Fish make excellent brain food; even
fishing stimulates the imagination.
It's a good thing for some of US that
we are not recognized as good things.
faint heart and a fat bank bal
ance often prove to be a winning COM
bination.
some men look quite as miserable
when they are away from home as they
do when at home.
While a man may be capable of low
ing two women at time, if he is sensi-
BILE he will not attempt it.
A woman may be able to do her own
homework, but she seldom does it to
the satisfaction of her servants.
If marriages are made in heaven It
is evident on the face of the returns
that divorces are arranged in the other
place.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-01-11
Another souIIess Corporation.

The honest looking agriculturist took
the seat offered him by the claim agent
of the railway company.
MY name is Hymel.' he said 81
own farm just this side of Higgsviile.
Last Monday one of your trains run
over COW of mine an killed her.
Yes, the engineer of the train report
ed It, said the claim agent She was
pure blood Jersey. suppose, and
was worth s100?''
Jersey nothin' She was an old
scrub that I'd have sold to anybody for
$40, an that's all I'm askin' you to pay
for her.
You're all right. old man. We won't
haggle over this claim. Here's a check
for S10.'
Later, however, when the real Farmer
Hymer dropped in and proved that the
rascal who had personated him was a
hifed hand whom he had discharged.
that claim agent experienced a revul-
sion of feeling and used strong language
but he had to pay for a higher priced
cow.-Chicago Tribune.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-01-11
TRoUTMAN, RATE REFoRsfER.

Occasionally as one goes down this
vale Of tears he comes across a huge
joke The joke this week is the prom
inenee Of one James A. Troutman in
the convention at Wichita called by the
shipping interests to protest against
high freight rates
If James A. Troutman ever pays a
penny of freight on anything whatever
most of the people in Topeka know moth
ing about it; and there is reason to sus-
pect that the day is not very far past
when MI Troutman did all Of his rail-
road travelling on a pass
Notwithstanding this the State Jour
nal would not intimate that Mr.. Trout
man is not sincere in his opposition to
unjust freight rates. Oh, MOI It is not
impossible that the railroads have cut
him off their free pass list, thereby
causing his reformation from the pass
habit, ard incidentally opening his eyes
to the evils of discrimination and un-
just freight rates. Certainly. Mr. Trout
man may be perfectly sincere in his
fight on the railroads, but his selection
as temporary chairman of a shippers
convention and as committeeman from
the First district is a good-sized joke to
those who know Troutman
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-01-11
GLOBE SIGHTS.
TFrom the Atchison Globe. !

Il
What has become of the marriage
certificate that hung on the parlor
wall?
Long before a man has paid his
Christmas bills his friends have forgot
ten what he gave them.
Bury your conscience. and just at
the time when you think you have it
safely covered. it wriggles to the top
They say that in the great econ
omies of Nature nothing is wasted;
How about curly hair on the head OF
a man?
When two men talk learnediy. each
is engaged in trying very hard TO keep
the other from finding out how much
he doesn't know
The women do love a man who
never gets so hungry that he doesn I
demand a piece of green weed or a
flower to garnish his meat
The Globe may not always suit you,
but this should be remembered to its
credit: It never refers to cold wave
as a BLAST from Boreas.'
It is all right, of course, for you to
admit your meanness to yourself, but
you are not what they can a Cnflsllah
unless you admit it to others
When d father expresses himself as
knowing more than his son of ten,
the boys mother may not oppose out
wardly. but to herself she is saying,
THE ideei"
If you are past fifty, you are nav
ing good enough luck if you can look
anything up in the dictionary and get
as far as three feet away with the
knowledge still in your head.
Stop to notice a baby at railroad
depot and its mother is sure to say:
IF [ ever get home with this child I
hope ] will have enough sense never
to try to travel with a baby again.
In novels radiant expressions are
given to brides, but in real life brides
are pale and scared looking and the
radiant expressions are worn by wo-
men when their married daughters
come home on a first visit.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-01-11
JAYHAW KER J0TS

Pointer by Ralph Tennal: When you
see perfumery that is advertised as be
ing ultra violet, it means that the per-
fumery is loud.
A big bob cat, weighing twenty three
pounds. was killed near EIlinwood a
few days ago. It is believed to have
come down the Arkansas from Colo
RADIO.
A Winfield man has a handsome live
specimen OF a black eagle measuring
about seven feet from tip to tip. It
was stunned but not otherwise injured
by a load of shot.
A Sabetha man. according to the Her
aid got a gracefully moulded piece OF
silver with a slender spout for Christ
mas present and he is not quite sure
whether it is tea pot or an opium pipe.
Two Arkansas City men chased
coon-a four-legged one-for six hours
before catching him. The animal weigh
ed "a pounds which is said to be the
biggest coon ever caught in that part OF
the state.
In a toothpick box that was opened at
Ottawa a few days ago was found the
following. written in a neat hands MISS
Leila Davis, Is Euclid Ave, Bradford,
Pa. Write soon" Here's chance Tor
some romantic correspondence.
A girl in Hiawatha sent certain
young man in Sabetha a pair of milf
tary hair brushes for a Christmas pres
ent Writing to her about it he sand:
Thanks for the brushes. What kind kind
of backing do you use? The brushes
don't work with Shinola-
A dog went into an Atchison bank
few days ago and stepped on an iron
floor in the vault with its wet feet.
Now a new electric burglar alarm sys-
tenn had just been installed and the
dogs wet feet We're just right to touch
it off He hasn't figured out yet what
caused it.
bod Lummax's observations and opin-
ions now appear in the Lawrence Jour
nal. since J. Leeford Brady has gone to
that paper. Here is one of his latest:
I am not an authority on language
but some way a saw hitting q nail and
woman using bad grammar has the
same effect on me-.
Tom Cordry, who used to work for Bill
~ Morgan and who knows nm, says:
Half a dozen close personal friends OF
Billy Morgan are candidates for post
master at Hutchinson and the public
will now be given a chance to see some
of the finest diplomatic work that has
ever been done in the state
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-01-11
JOURNAL ENTRIES

A great many people think Kansas
avenue, as long as it is unpaved, would
look pretty good fenced up. Down at
hansas City, too. there are people who
think the old union depot would make
a pretty nice looking bonfire.
You VIII notice that Wichita was not
especially shocked by the earthquake
sunday night It takes good deal to
shock Wichita.
It seems there are some things about
the Standard Oil company that Tom
Lawson doesn't know after all. No one
would have suspected it.
When Governor Pattison was review
ing the parade from that glass cage the
other day. we wonder how Ex-Governor
aerriek could resist the temptation to
throw stones.
Ever been in love? If so, and if you
We're young man at the time. you
have probably wanted to describe Her
to yourself-you wouldn't atternpt it to
anyone else-and you even felt that you
could not find words to describe Her to
yourself You felt that no mere weak
human ideas could do Her justice. Well
some unknown individual has tried it.
only he called Her the American girl"
Here is what he said about Her: when
God made the American girl He sent
his angel messengers throughout all the
all there was of beauty and brightness
of enchantment. of glamour When
these angels returned from their har-
Vesting of beauty and threw down their
glittering burden at his. feet, he began
in their wondering presence the fash
ioning of the American girl. He wrought
with the gold and the CLEAN of the
stars shifting glories of the rainbow
hues, and the pallid silver of the moon.
He wrought with the crimson which
swooned in the roses rubbed heart, with
the pure, sweet snow which CLEANS
from the lily's petals. and the fires and
the flames which flash and leap from
jewels depth. Then glancing deepsinto
his own bosom, he took of the love
which cleaned there like some rare
pearl beneath the wind kissed waves of
a summer sea. thrilled into the form he
was fashioning. and all heaven and
earth rejoiced, for, loi he had wrought
the American girl How near does that
come TO fitting the case?
notwithstanding the numerous times
Mr.. Depews resignation has been ac-
cepted by the newspapers, he is still
drawing the salary.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-01-11
me TeIenhone GirI.

You'll never catch me flirting with
a hello girl again by wire declared a
dapper young travelling salesman to a
companion as he emerged from one of
the telephone booths at hotel
What's the matter: did some one
squelch you?"
mo, there's nothing the matter now,
but being in the booth there reminded
me of once before I was here some
time ago. You notice how close the
operator is to the booth. Well. didn't
notice it, but while waiting to get my
party on the line, I got to talking with
a girl at central, as I thought, who had
a voice that would make a man leave
home and friends. We got along fine. As
I came out of the booth I saw the oper-
ator at the table a few feet away CON
vuIsed with laughter. Then | tum-
bled. She had been having the fun of
giving me a lire of talk that would
have done credit to an older head and
was able to see by my facial express
sion how it was received. I am glad
that girl is not here any more, as she
might remember me and give me the
laugh again. cleveland Plain Dealer.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-01-11

which, to say the least of it, puzzle
most people. are lightly disposed of by
the child A little girl, coming in con
tact with death for the first time in
the shape of q hfeless bird that she
found in the wood, ran with it to her
nurse. What can be the matter with
it2'' she cried. in amazement. The
nurse of course. improved the occa-
sion THE bird is dead" she said,
portentously. I'VE must all die some
day The little girl looked at the
small corpse in her hand contem-
pIatively, then dropped it with some
disgust. You may die if you want
to, she remarked. 81 shan {. Lon
don Chronicle.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-01-11
A Wise Manufacturer.

Il have here a model" said the in
ventor to the manufacturer, ''of an ap-
pliance that is sure to have a large sale
if it is put on the market
"Indeed?" said the manufacture
THAT is most interesting What is your
invention?
This is a combination lawn mower
and snow shovel. By simply twisting
this knob to the left the grass cutting
mechanism is turned into a set of pad
dies that literally sweep the snow to
both sides of the path. You see, by
combining both implements in one. to-
gether with perfect ease of operation
and great saving of space and strength,
and-'s
I'm sorry" interrupted the manu-
facturer, but it will never go. Don't
you see, by the end of the summer the
average man is so tired of and angry
with his lawn mower that he halls the
snow shovel with joy, and by the end
of the winter he feels just as bitter
toward the snow shovel, and is once
more delighted to push the lawn mower
But If you combine the two, then he
will simply have the memory of one
ever before him while he is operating
the other"
Realizing the truth of the statement,
the inventor took up his model and went
out, saying that perhaps he could twist
the thing around and convert it into a
mop holder and dress filter for women,
as they would buy anyfhing.-Judge.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-01-11
REFLECTIONS or A BACHELOR.
TFrom the New York Press.I

LFrom the New York Press.l
A dyspeptic is man whose meals
don't 1T him.
A girl is awful smart to look so
pretty when she isn't.
There Is good deal of fun in keep
ing other people from having any.
If man happens to have any brains
his wife always acts with other women
as ii she did t.
There is more money in not having
a large family than there is happiness
in having it.
A woman's idea OF good head for
business is having five-course din
ner when there is enough for three.
First Theatrica Manager MY play
is as good as yours and yet you are
doing all the business" Second
Theatrical Manage You seem to
forget that half the ministers IN town
denounced my play as immoral"
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-01-11
On a Nfississippi steamboat.

A young fellow, a fellow passenger,
was leaning upon the rail beside me,
looking upon the scene below. He
told me 20 watch and he would show
me some sport. He drew a dime out
of his pocket. He waved his arm to
attract the attention of the negroes
down upon the lower deck and then
he flung the coin. It fell tinkling, and
rolled between two cotton bales. With
yells, the negroes rushed at it tumul-
tuOusly, piling over one another, a
tangled mass of waving arms and
legs, whence issued mufT1ed groans
and grunts. Then. suddenly, the mass
dissolved again into a mob of rousters.
gaping up at us with rolling yellow
eyes and heaving chests and dilated
nostrils. Another piece of silver
twingled in the air and fell among
them. Leapfng and grabbing, the ne
groes snatched at the falling coin. then
plunged again into a heap.
BY this time others of the passen-
gers had heard the noise and the scuf-
fling, and soon quite a crowd was
gathered along the rail. A shower of
change began to fall upon the deck
below and into the crowd of now half
frantic blacks.
1t was a comical spectacle. little
while before the negroes had been
quietly busted about their own affairs
handful of cheap silver had fallen
among them. and in less than a min
ute their small world was transformed
into a pandemonium. I have heard it
said that the same phenomenon occurs
sometimes on the stock exchange
Harper'S Magazine.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-01-11
INVESTIGATION.

When the wicked get possession
OF our funds and spend them free,
And our ire finds full expression,
We are angry as can be.
We condemn each crooked action,
But it's always understood
At the start of the transaction
That the moneys gone for good.
The CRATER whom we're after
Puts the cash where it will stay,
And his mild sardonic laughter
Lightly echoes far away.
But we want Investigation
And we hold it with a will
Though our only COMPENSATION
Is a righteous Wrathful thrill.
w aShington Star
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-01-11
Two of a Kind.

Henry Stern, real estate broker was
walking along Montgomery street with
a friend. After proceeding about TWEEN
ty PAGES the friend fell back a step and
closed in on Stern's right. They pro
ceeded twenty feet. when stern backed
up. side stepped and regained his for
mer position.
Excuse me- said the friend. thirty
feet further along the street, as he re-
treated a step and again slipped around
to the right side of the real estate agent.
They continued along MONTGOMERY
street seventeen PAGES, when stern. with
an I beg your pardon . executed the
same maneuver and gained the right
hand position.
Say. what's the matter?'' demanded
the friend
Cant hear with my left ear ex-
planned Stern
Same here. said the friend. "Shake."
San Francisco Chronicle
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-01-11

Tom Cordry thinks that the politi-
clans needn't worry so much about
holding the state convention at time
that viii make it possible for the farm
ers to attend. All that is necessary is
to give the farmers time enough to
leave word to their hired men what to
do during their absence.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-01-11

scholar he had few peers. He knew
Latin and Greek as a child. and was
learned in Hebrew at fourteen. Few
men of his scholastic attainments are
possessed of the great executive ability
Of DR.. Harper While he had great
wealth to draw on in building the Uni
versity of Chicago, few men could
have done it as wei as he.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-01-11

Mr.. Rogers is able now to recall the
circumstance that there was Stand
ard oil company in Indiana, once upon
a time, and he thinks a Mr.. Stahl was
connected with it in some capacity or
other Don't try to hurry Mr.. Rog-
ers Give him time. The pachinery
of his mind runs slowly and with ex-
ceeding caution.-Chicag Tribune.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-01-11

senate to debate" until the house takes
action, after which the senate raises OBJ
jections to what the house has done,
and points out. from its high pedestal.
how it ought 10 be done some other way.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-01-11

1t seems that Senator Dolliver is in
favor of the senate going ahead and
enacting some positive legislation re-
garding railroads without following the
usual custom Of waiting for the house
to act first and then doing something
else. Senator Delivers Tdea is certain
ly revolutionary 1t is contrary to sena-
torial dignity It would overturn all
preeedents. The usual way is for the
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-01-11

Mr.. Rockefeller is. of course, anx-
ious for a thorough investigation
the same way Tom Kelly was anxious
for a thorough investigation of the
state treasury. You will notice. too
that Mr.. Rockefeller is doing all he
can not to help the investigation
along
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-01-11

Bent Murdoch has a theory that
after the pure maple syrup is extract
ed from our corn cobs. the pulp re
naming is ground into a breakfast
food and sold to Kansans at ten cents
a pound The theory sounds good
just as good as some others that come
from the Walnut valley.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-01-11

william Waldorf Astor. says the
Teason he left America and became a
citizen of England is because he saw
the moon rise over Clivedon one
night and ne was so enamored by the
sight that he remained there. Seems
as though we ought to give the moon
a vote of thanks.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-01-11

It is said that the binding Irvine
trust is preparing to do up the state
Irvine plant In the penitentiary. Well,
the state plant has saved the farmers
Of the state it's cost every year since
ST has been started. A conservative
estimate is that the state plant has
made it possible for the grain growers
OF Kansas to buy their binding Irvine
for 100000 less each year than it
would have cost them had there been
no state plant.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-01-11

1t seems that earthquakes do not
travel so fast after all. The one sun
day night did not reach Skiddy. Norris
county till six hours after the rest of
the state quaked
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-01-11

Although Senator LaFollette has
thus far been very mild and peace
able, it is suspected that something
viii happen in the United States SEN
ate some of these lays from which
LaFollette viii emerge with his toga
torn. and the other fellows viii know
there has been something doing.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-01-11

p. w. Howe is just half way around
the world, with Northern Africa and
all of Europe still ahead of him. yet he
Is so homesick that he is hOt-footing it
home as fast as possible. A Kansas
man can't find any place on earth quite
as good as Kansas.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-01-11
THE DIFFERENCE.

This is the difference: The optinist
enjoys the snow while it lasts; the pessi-
mist uses up all his time worrying over
how slushy it will be when the snow
Record.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-01-11

A Cincinnati millionaire has under
taken the Herculean task of keeping
the streets of that city clean Would
that Topeka had a millionaire who
would pave Kansas avenue.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-01-11

This tidal wave of reform, which
seems to be in active business almost
everywhere, says Bent Murdoch, will
in the end. fiji the country with many
political Has Beens.' and it win be
good for the country that they have
lost out for good" And vet a good
many HAS Beens" are constantly
hanging around waiting for chance
to catch on to some popular reform
and ride into power again.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-01-11

The Southwestern Banker in com
menting on the methods of State Treas
urer Kelly, closes it's statement of facts
by remarking that Kelly is a Korker. .
He is also accused of being several other
things.=Parsons Sun.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-01-11
NOT MICH.

Chauncey NJ. DepeWs aufObIOg-
raphy as it appears in the Congress
sional Directory occupies more space
than that of any other member of con-
gress. Chauncey doesn't believe in
cutting things short-not even terms
that the people are tired of.-Chicago
Reeord-Herald.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-01-11
A SURPRISE FOR WALTER.

If Walter Wellnlan happens to be a
subscriber to a clipping bureau he may
be disagreeabIy surprised at some OF
the things said about him in connection
with his proposed flight to the pole.
There seems to be q unanimity of opin-
ion that the country will be able to get
along without Welhnan much better
than he probably supposed it could
Hutchinson News.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-01-11
REAT HIM TO IT.

Senator German has decided to re-
tire from the leadership, which has
been showing a strong proclivity for
retiring from hinl.-Brooklyn Stand
ard-Union.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-01-11

Easter win not come till April Is this
year. That puts off the new millinery
bills until we will have the Christmas
presents about paid for.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-01-11
GOING SOME.

As viewed from the roadside, it
looks as if Mr.. Roosevelt has got the
senate curb between his teeth and is
running away with the rig.-Milwau-
kee News.