The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1906-10-16
The Taste and
Vanity Of 5Won1er,

81 WANT said Alrris, "a Derby
The clock struck 3.
A Derby hat, - said the salesman
stSizeq So, n !,
six and seven. eighths. - !.
The salesman gave Arris q look of
admiration, and { a moment later ne
handed him hat which we will call
8 No. /. Arris put it on, looked IN the
1T said "a Derby hat. - said Arris.
The salesman inclined his ear, smiling
already in anticipation.
tsDo you think I IN the low comedian
in a burlesque show9' demanded Ar
ris. :,
The salesman laughed heartily (but
with respect) and handed Arris an
other. 80
tsCrown too high,'' said Arris.
UBrimt, too narrow, - said Arris, ,,s,s !: .
In rapid succession he spurneds an in
credible number Of Derby hats, adj
vancing (among others) these reasons:
Brim too curly. ~ , f.
Crown too low. - >-,,S'G =. =
Bullying at the top. "
Funny looking finish.
Didn It ike the band. ~.
Didn It look we'll from behind.
Looked as if it had been worn. - b.
Looked cheap. <
Too small. ~ = %
Brim too fiat.
Shape didn t suit his face. &
await bit,'' said the salesman,
sinking his voice to a whisper and look
ing cautiously around the shop.
.'Here's one you might try on.' *2'
And Arris tried it on, looking in the
glass at himself full face. - .s
He looked at himself right profile. =
He looked at himself left profile.> a..
And he looked at himself one-quarter
and three-quarters profile, both right
He looked at himself slowly turning
his head. . !:
He looked at himself turning his
head at different speeds. y.
And he looked at himself with his
He looked at himself with his head
threwn back. 49,
He looked at himself with his head
bowed down..
And he looked at himself with his
head tilted skew-wifty till he could
hardly see out of his eyes. ~.
He looked at himself walking toward
the glass.
He looked at himself walking away
He looked at himself walking past
tho glass:
He looked dignifedly at himself.
He looked roguishly at himself. =
And he looked at himself with mixeS
feelings of approval and fond regard.
he. looked sternly at himself.
He looked laughingly at himself.
And he looked at himself like man
who is not to be trifed with.
HI looLo1 Of birnsolf 1,,,%tip +ha hot
He looked at himself taking the hat
yAnd he hurriedly looked at himself
(when no one was looking) raising hi
hat and smiling to an imaginary some
one.
He gave himself a dreamy look. -.
He gave himself a piercing look.
And ne gave himself the look of {
man who greatly dares.
III take this hat,' said Arris:ss.3a
81 Now while the salesman was wrap
ping up his. old hat, -Arris looked at TIL
passing throng outside Particularly
her,looked at the fanciful hats on TIL
ladies, and turning away from thes,
bright bits of color-dainty laces ant
graceful plumes-;he said to the sales
man; y. ,.y-.
ARkf A4AC CAC l..kAuS6e
~" Not for me-" laughed the sales
man.
tThey think their hats show taste, I
gfinned ,Arris. ..''>*= ".s~:@"s ~
The salesman laughed again (bu
With respect).
And all the time it e nothing els
but vanity said ;Arris:
s 9Ss*$z3 ( n Nothing else, echoed the sales
man. a.''-
And with a pompous strut Arr
marched out upon the sidewalk as tn
clock struck half-past g. The sales
man put the hats away. That is to say
he put all the hats away except No.
the one which Arris said made him loo
like low comedian at 9 burlsequ
show. .-
He couldn It put that one away, be
cause Arris was out in the street veal
: ang that hat.-New York Sun.