davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1906-04-28
How He Discovered the Thief.

81 an English country clergyman detect
~ ~ thief in the following astute man
a !ahorer had informed him that
sack Of potatoes had been stolen from
Wen, well, said the minister, I'm
see to it after service
lie preached on the eighth Command
,Deht' and ended thus: And now | have
SAG tale to tell. One Of our neigh
b 5,Is mas missed a sack of potatoes from
&c garden, and the thief is even now
on '', lag among you. Has he a feather
ca a. once man in the congregation was
fI I'm % put his hand surreptitiously to
49, ooP OF his Observation-Disclosures Public
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1906-04-28
Woman County Clerk in Texas

Mrs. Emma l.. Nooten, county and
district clerk of Chambers county is per.
haps the only woman legally elected and
holding a county office of like nature il
Texas. Her husband was the occupant
of the office until his death, which oc-
curred two years ago. No public otilcia
in any county of Texas is perhaps more
of the office than Mrs. Wooten. and
when the present term shall have ex
PRED there is no doubt in the minds of
the people that if the lady wants the
office again she can get it'll custom
Post
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1906-04-28
GLASS HOUSES.
Unique Structures of Glass Being Built
in Des Moines.

Frank c. Perkins, in his article,
Modern American Glass Houses" in
the Technical World Magazine, makes
the following statement in regard to the
structural characteristics of these odd
edfces:
"A glass wall is of very light weight
compared with one of masonry. Fire
damage would be local and easily re-
pared, experience showing that the wire
glass prevents the spread of fire, though
the glass itself is shattered. With this
construction, however, replacing mate
RAJ Is easier than would be the reglaz-
ing OF window Of the same size. The
expense of glass wall is some less than
that of a brick wall, and lacks all the
Disadvantages of the latter, being much
tghter in weight allowing a soft light
70 penetrate through. and having a sur
lace which is self-cleaning in wet wealth
or, and which, in the case of tall build
ingS IN cities. reflects light to the lower
portions at the sidewalk"
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1906-04-28

could not seep and could hardly drag
around | consulted two physicians without
relief, and a. a last resort, | tried Lydia Il.
Pinkham's Vegetable Compound, and TO my
surprise, every ache and pain left me I
gained tel pounds and am in perfect health"
Miss Pearl Ackers, of 327 North sum
me. Street, Nashville, Tenn, writes:
Dear Mrs Pinkham;--
suffered with painful periods, severe
backache, bearing-down pains, pains across
the abdomen; was very nervous and irrita-
bic, and my trouble grew worse every month.
My physician failed TO help me and I
decided 10 try Lydia T.. Pinahams Vegetable
Compound. | soon found il was doing me
good All my pains and aches disappeared,
and l no longer fear my monthly periods.
Lydia +, Pinkham's Vegetable Com
pound is the unfailing cure for all these
troubles. 1t strengthens the proper
muscles, and displacement with all its
horrors will no more crush you.
Backache, dizziness, tainting, bear
ng-down pains, disordered stomach,
moodiness, dislike of friends and sc ETY.
all symptoms of the one cauSe-~will
be quickly dispclIed, and it viii make
you strong and well.
You can tell the story OF your sui.
ferings to woman. and receive help
full advice free of cost. Address Mrs.
Pinkham, Lynn, Mass. The present
Mrs. Pinkham is the daughter-in-law
of Lydia Il. Pinkham and for twenty
| five years she has, under her direction
and since her decease, been advising
sick women free of charge.
aNund SuCcends Where clfhers Eall.
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1906-04-28
A Little Mite More

Fifty. years ago there lived in Wood
stock, y. H.. man by the name Of
Thomas Booise Tor Boise, who was
noted for his ready wit.
At one time he was called as wit
ness in a case in court in Plymouth. \.
Of questions at him without getting much
satisfaction, the judge took him I'M hand.
Mr.; Booise." said the judge. "have
you told the whole truth in this natter
Yes. sir; yes. sir. have, and / guess
just little mite more"
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1906-04-28
LAWN TENNIS MARKER.
Marks Out the Court in Narrow but
Heavy White Lines.

No branch of sport has increased in
popularity more than lawn tennis, which
is at last receiving the recognition that il
deserves. To play the game properly il
is necessary that the ground should be
level and well rolled and the lines mark
ing the boundaries clear and distinct.
Tapes, which are often used, are n nui-
sance and are not TO be compared to lines
marked with lime directly upon the
gravel or grass. One of the latest ma
chimes devised for marking out tennis
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1906-04-28
ADJUSTS THE SHEARS
Blades Are Held Firmly Against Each
Other, Insuring Uniform Cutting.

An Ohio inventor has patented ten
sioning devise which can be attached to
scissors or shears, whereby the cutting
edges of the blades are held firmly
against each other to insure Mt all times
an even and uniform cutting. It is well
known that the blades of scissors or
shears must always be kept firmly to-
gether. When they become separated
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1906-04-28

ened my back and
affected my kid
neys. l became very
bad, and had to go
about on clutches.
The doctors told me
| had a case OF
chronic rheumatism,
but l could not be-
ieve them, and
finally began using
Doan's Kidney Pills
for my kidneys.
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1906-04-28

+ irst the kidney secretions came more
ely then the pain left my back /
"eht ana got another box. and that
toili'Ieted a cure. have been well for
TWO years"
SOFA by all dealers. so cents a box.
/ 'Ster- Milburn Co. Buffalo. N
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1906-04-28
CAN'T sTRAIGHTEN UP.

"ioney Trouble Causes Weak Backs
ana Multitude of Pains and
Aches.
- coi H. ). Harrison, Deputy Marshal,
'1o Common st. Lake Charles, La,
says; "A kick from a horse first weak
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1906-04-28

Grandfather enthusiastically say,
Willie, don't you want to go through Il
toy shop with ME this afternoon and see
all the pretty things?
Twentieth Century Child GndiiTerentlyl
I'm willing To, grandfather if you
will get any pleasure out Of it.-Tit- Bits.
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1906-04-28

Miss Lizzie johnson, the "shut-n''
who lives in Casey, H., is reported to
have earned over $1,000 for missions by
the sale of bookmarks which she has
made
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1906-04-28
Natural Weathercoeks

BIRDS, when perched on rrees mr. busb.
= are natural weathercocks' as tbey in.
ia 5oIy roost with their heads 10 the
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1906-04-28

Think you'd like to be in the cavalry
oh. yes said the infantryman; "bui
only as a horse, Exchange,
House Agent-Yes, sir, I've got the
very thing that will suit you-beautifui
house and fine situation.
Chcnt-tine situation. ELI?
House Agent-Spendid situation. sir.
Healthy placer
Healthy! | should think so. Why
sir, in that district sickness is praetical-
~ unknown"
All, well, then the house won't suit
me: Aou see, I'm a medical man. -
Life.
He-How different are the customs in
different parts of our country.
She-NeS, | believe so.
Il have just returned from Dakota.
and one day in the hotel | heard Il bell
ring out: Some one is going to be
happy: the merry wedding bells, | sup
pUSeE said | 10 the clerk"
Well. somebody is to he made
happy. he replied. hut not from being
married, That is the courthouse bell,
and somebody is about to get di-
vorce. -Nonkers Statesman.
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1906-04-28

The teacher had been talking about a
hen sitting on eggs. says English Coun-
try Life. and. with the incubator in mind.
asked if eggs could be Matched in any
other way.
Yes, sir" said an experienced person
Of g. Put 'em under a duck"
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1906-04-28

4 cavalryman was one day engaged in
laboriously cleaning down" his rather
raw-boned stecd An infantFyman saun-
tered up. and, with his hands behind
his back, leisurely inspected the opera
ton.
"Halloa. John said the cavalryman.
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1906-04-28

Patient-The examination seems ia
have delighted you. doctor. Judge from
your happy countenance that you can
save my hfe.
DIR. Sawbones-I cannot promise you
that; but we must perform number of
most interesting operations on you.-Tit-
Bits.
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1906-04-28

Here" roared the old lawyer to his
son. studying law with him, you told
me you had read this work on Evidence
and yet the leaves are not cut"
Used Mays" yawned the versatile
son; and the father chuckled with de-
light as he thought what a lawyer the
boy would make.-punch.
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1906-04-28

Clerk should like to ask, sir. if my
pay would be deducted if | took a day
off to get married?
EmplOyer-Of course. Five shillings
would be deducted.
Clerk-Very well. that settles it. I'll
remain single.-Judy.
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1906-04-28
- Tea T able Salad. =

s"~-~0""-~~~~~|~~~~-~~-~~~
Sbo-rhono ;s..
nanar IL - tod isi An ont OF life in this
as il empIoys s ta, no you expect as long
'''i coy pea forms:
Me-, Nh, ~,
younr mon nn,vaders are so many fast
Miss Yonaely"iiE M Voc. ,....
Bits. ''''' ''''' IL e"'c'lns ohe.-Ilt-
|
| ,ra,.1.. l.-.,...
a. ~. Cn"A1 yHeulta I'Feiy' rs he discovers
tH"t MS SaIe mas been robbedl-And /
Pl4clsSlhlus.
They say that alcohol win o,oa,, :,
yer nicely" remnrl.ed rkn ,,.,, N ,,.' Sli-
quires facts. III viii are, ,'. t T.lo a(,-
| nosed indiy,;l,,,i. w. dEISeu lhe red
Miss Naivo-pu+ ,,l.,- ,;,
| ro,,,,,, Sl,,,i1. '"' why NIu You refuse
ME- Me- , i2ais HuSt f,.a...,.,
no vnnld,,t Lo 'ni nv " IuoN-I was AFRAID
monv When di T"ig 10 Fay PAY suhlGent ali
H. l;.,.. -,
SOM DIV , rm't Iii not nope that
~ u"N 70" WIN ne mIneE
=, 3nv 'G1yly1-Oh:: yes, hope as much
iatc Sp, for r'AS can i9r9ld that,-Irans-
'"'U" ioi 1"les from III DIario'
nI, .n,.,osto IN SouL story ehd nap
"0b III ~ tln ny pu3iISleT
..I'u simni,. Io1.a lIl'iteu lHG author.
divorced in the los+ rhon+a,., ''T heroine
- '''e last th"P'ef' Latter
u.
H9' $, sound md, the timbrel and the drum,
AH aI'1 cr ntgIS Tho = wreath r OF BAY pay;
on snrino hopan'nioo VIM t'S S at nome
80 'N''''' '"''N7 O"' T II
City Editor-Did Won learn ANYTHING
starving in the streets?
Reporter-Aes, 1t seems that she had
m1Hst been TO an afternoon tea.-Towu
TOPICS
Artist Ito landlordl-l can't pay my
rent, but l can give you lot of can
vow have not nortnd =, like luxe tiiSln II
Il t,d fo,. To jos I'm, VI
IL 'eo wi l avs liolll / aii'iie-'ourna
Poet ITO editor)-Tba noon, 7 ,,.is,, =,
submit To vou vas rho nrplI1,.t ~ " .ia.,',
less night
Editor-Yns. nicbt is M mans friend
Blaetter
Scrivner-Tbera's no money, +, +l,o t,,,.
Look at vouno Rarr;stor Ia 80 ,lJ l'' '"
very prpcariorIs Evinr
Ninder-I understand he I;vos Inv. ,,,,,
or by crook. - ''''"
AadSe-Does the young clergyman
she's engaged to sermonize much in his
loEc-makIng!
Marjorie ell, when he kisses her
goodnight she says he does it firstly,
secondly, thirdly, and so on.-Tit-Bits.
Mr.. Il. Goyously)-My friend Bullion
has lent MS his opera box for tonight.
Mrs. B.-Horrors! You haven't
thing fit to wear
Mr. B.-Have you:
Mrs, B.-Ohi | don't need much. Won
knOw-Tit-Bits
Pa Twaddles-I wish you'd put Tom
my to bed.
Ma Twaddes-Whats the matter?
Pa Twaddles-Oh, he's Fostering tha
life ont of me TO find ont what Relation
\ cousin German is TO n Dutch uncle
Cleveland Leader.
nav wnnId he dednntnd r. I to S,t ~ d lay
p IF m cot norriaJ3 '''A q LAY
0'i E m 7C co,rso E;ro sh;l,;,o.
u.on iiip no. dodnctad '"iiiiiiss
Cierk-Verv vail +bo+ so++los = TN
ro,1nin eincIo Tudy - -
'eiAi'''" 'i''7
hen sitting on eggs says English Coun-
tfy Llle: ana, win 5he incubator III NINA.
asked II eggs coulu De Matched III any
other way.
Yes. sir. said an experienced person
OF .. Put EN- under duck
-
Grandfather (epthusiasticailv,-I saw
Will don't won want to 90 thropoh =,
All the pretty things? NOUN '''' So
Twentieth Century Child Cndifferentlvl
Tin willing to, grandfather, if YOU
will get any pleasure out of it.-TitBits.
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1906-04-28

Madge-Does the young clergyman
she's engaged to sermonize much in his
love-making?
Mariorie-Well, when he kisses her
goodnight she says he does it firstly,
secondly, thirdly, and so on.-Tit- Bits.
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1906-04-28

Mr.. 3. Goyously)-My friend Bullion
has lent us his opera box for tonight.
Mrs. B.-Horrors! You haven't a
thing fit to wear.
Mr.. B.-Have you:
Mrs, B.-Oh! l don't need much, you
know.-Tit- Bits.
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1906-04-28

Pa Twaddes-I wish you'd put Tom
my to bed.
Ma Twaddles-What's the matter?
Pa Twaddles-Oh, he's Fostering the
life out of me to find out what relation
a cousin German is to a Dutch uncle
Cleveland Leader.
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1906-04-28

Scrivner-There's no money in the law.
Look at young Barrister. He makes a
very precarious living
Wmder-I understand lie lives by hook
or by crook.
Scriyner-By crook. most hkelv.
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1906-04-28

Merchant (meditatively, as he discovers
that his safe has been robbedD-And /
mad arranged such a pretty little bank
rqptcy.-Iranslated for Tales from Sim
phcissimus.
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1906-04-28

Pop
Yes. my SON.
what is a tragedian:'
"Why. a traGedian is an actor who is
supposed TO kill people.
''Well. the actor who lives on the next
block is a tragedian. then. isn't heE''
NO my bor, he's comedian.
"Well. he's got an automobile. " onk-
ers Statesman.
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1906-04-28

She-There isn't bit of life in this
paper It's too dull for anything.
He-N ell what do you expect as lon.
as 1t employs stereotyped forms:
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1906-04-28

Miss Eidon-TLere are so many fast
young men nowadays.
Miss Aoqungly-Il' m-yes; you do seem
70 .. nave difficulty III catching one.-Tit-
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1906-04-28

Poet Ito editor)-The poem | wish to
submit to you was the product of a sleep
less night.
Editor-Yes night is no mans friend
Translated for Tales from Fhegende
Blaetter.
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1906-04-28

Redd-IIow your friend Shipton has
changed. lie used to be so communica-
tive. you know.
Ereene-Isn't he yet?
NO why he draws himself right into
his shell now when you're trying to ques-
ton him.
He's turned turtle. has he?'-Yon-
kers Statesman.
Old Lady (to chemistl-I want box
of canine pills"
What's the matter with the
dog?
Old Lady Cndignantlyl--I want you to
know sir. that my husband is Il gentle
man"
Chemist puts up some quinine pills in
profound silence.-Pick- Me-Up..
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1906-04-28

Ho, sound the timbrel and the drum.
And bring wreath of bay.
Ana crown the man who lives at home
On spring housekeeping day!
H. Il. II.
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1906-04-28

Patient to Pretty Nurse-Will you be
my wife when | recover"
Pretty Nurse-Certainly.
Patinnt-Then you love me?
Pretty Nurse-Oh. no; that's merely
part of the treatment. must keep my
patients cheerful. / promised this morn
ing to run away with married man
who had lost both his legs.-Manila
American.
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1906-04-28

They say that alcohol will clean sill
yer nicely" remarked the man Who No.
CURES facts. III will" agreed the red
n91sed individual; 1T cleaned up all my
silver. "-Tatler. '''
The Birmingham age-herald., 1906-02-27
Iris the times plague, when madmen lead the blind.
 king Lear.
Promotions for Pension Purposes.

On December the retired list of the regular army included the names of 3 Acknowledgements, 21 major-generals and 243 brigadier-generals. The busi- ness of promoting officers for the pur- pose of increasing their pay on the re- tired list has been carried on until the country has become tired of it. In three years ended on January 1, 1905, sixty-three officers served one day each as brigadier-generals, and were then retired to draw three-quarters pay.
 The promotions are not granted for distinguished services, but they are made for the sole purpose of increas- ing the monthly checks of officers after they quit the army. This method has built up an extravagant pension list On December 1 the names of 903 offi- cers were borne on that list and they were receiving $2,700,oOO annually
 It has been agreed, it appears, to let Generals Macarthur and Corbin be- come Acknowledgements, and then that rank will be abolished. The practice, too, of promoting officers for a day in order to increase their monthly pay checks also needs revision. The army is full of favorites--men like Leonard Woodland there is no reason why they should be carried to the retired list at the highest possible pay. Even a brigadier-general on the retired list draws $4125 a year.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1906-02-27
Cotton Growinu in Africa.

The cotton spinners of Milan have been trying to grow cotton in the Ital- ian province of Erita on the Red sea, near Abyssiania. They propose to sup ply Italian cotton mills from Italian sources. The Milanese Cotton Grow ing society had a paid-up capital of $34,000, but it's losses in the first year were $14,5O0, and it will enter it's sec- ond year with lean capital.
 The experience of the Germans in East Africa, and of England and the Portuguese in West Africa were not dssimilar. None of them made much cotton, and none of them made bale that was even within sight of profit able agriculture. All these efforts are in the experimental stage, and there is no promise of permanency' in any of them. The French, too, are endeavor- ing to grow cotton in Africa, but today no one is growing a considerable amount of 1t in the Dark Continent outside of Egypt. The production in Egypt is confined to the area that can be irrigated Labor troubles, moisture troubles and transportation troubles, not to mention several minor troubles, stand i'll the way of profitable cotton growing in Africa.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1906-02-27
AN ARKANSAS STORY.

Washington Correspondent of New York
 World
 q see that Opie Read has been up here telling Arkansas stories to the President" said c. E. Speer of Ft. Smith.
 "They are proud of Opie's literary abil- ity down in Arkansas, but there are lot of people in the state beside the types Read depicts It makes good many Arkansans tired to have 1t hurled at them that the entire population of the state is composed of Hill Billies.'
 There Is one Arkansas story that will make any Arkansas man fight. think Read told that one. too. It is about the stranger who got off at a little town and found a gathering of citizens of the place on the public square.
 Whats going on hereT he asked Is it fair or a celebration of some kindy
 "'Nope, said resident, ''tain't that, but Judge Browns son is 21 years old today, and they're going to catch him and put some clothes on him. !"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1906-02-27
Insurance Reforms.

The Armstrong report is considered one of the most comprehensive and satisfactory reports ever laid before a legislative body in this country, but until the public hearing on March 9 it is impossible to judge what the legisla- ture of New York will do with the nine bills laid before it by the committee. Judge" Hamilton will not be present at Albany, but it is conceded that the insurance companies will oppose sey- eral of the propositions of the Arm strong committee. If their opposition be confined to efforts above board, no one can reasonably object to any op- position they may present at Albany to the bills brought in by that com mittee.
 It is believed the big insurance com panies will object to the proposed linn itation of new business by any one cOmpdDy lO @loO,OuV,VOO III any ohS year; to the prohibition of investments in stock securities instead of bonds, and to the abolition of deferred divi- dends in future policies. The two last named arc, aimed at the alliance be- tween the big life companies and Wall street and the legislature of New York cannot afford to defeat them if it de- sires to hold. control of the insurance business of the country. The partner ship between Wall street and the con trollers of funds belonging to policy holders should be dissolved.
 But the proposition naming limit to pew business is easily the most inter
The Birmingham age-herald., 1906-02-27
euncotton Was Dangerous.

Harry Vaughan and l visited the tor pedo boat Porter Sunday morning, while we were at New Orleans" said a Bir- mingham man last night, land have a good story on him as a result
 There was a crowd on the boat and one accommodating gunner was explain ing the mechanism of the torpedoes. Harry and were close to him, listening eagerly for every word.
 '' Tn war times, said the gunner, we put 147 pounds of wet gun cotton in the warhead of the torpedo. and it Is this which blows up the object struck. We have enough of this guncotton in the magazines below decks now to blow New Orleans off the map.
 Somebody in the crowd wanted to know If there was not much danger at tached to the handling of guncotton, and the sailor admitted 1t was very danger ous indeed.
 " We test the stuff twice each day, and even at that 1t Is liable to go off of it's own accord almost any time and clean things up.'
 Vaughan heard him and nudged me quickly. Let's go,' he said We went all right, but Harry won't admit that he curtailed his investigation because of a lurking fear that the explosion might occur while he was on board"