The Spokane press. [volume] (Spokane, Wash.) 1902-1939, 1906-03-28
REMARKABLE ORDEAL UNDER
WHICH A NEWSPAPER
MAN HAD TO PASS.

cIdIy, IISopOuSiDlC anu hiShiy Ill
judicious and undesirable acquaint-
ances.
After that an entr'acte of vague
and weary hilarity; period of dim
repose and grateful darkness, and
then, | think, the dream.
was in a vast and gloomy court
of justice. The body of the hall
was filled by very distinguished
company. l had no difficulty in
recognizing them at glance. There
were Shakespeare and Schiller, and
Horace and Heine, and Alfred de
Musset borrowing a handkerchief
from Voltaire, and Rabelais whis-
pering dubious jokes into the ear
of stolid Homer; and Wagner was
tapping out "Tannhauser" on a
typewriter, and Figaro, the usher,
was doing little busting with what
was either Mascagni or mop.
There is another point" pro-
ceeded the judge as if l had already
been there some time "In the
course of these articles you have
twice described Paris as the gay
city"
at was necessary" l pleaded;
'the public absolutely demands the
phrase"
"In your felton, proceeded the
Judge, changing the focus of his
telescopes, 81 find sentences like
these, 4 cannot love you as you
wish, but | will always be a sister
to you And he held the photo
graph to his lips and kissed it pas
sionately.' 4 must obey my father,
and we must part"
'It was to fill up the thousand
words" l protested.
"You have also called your hero
inc Queenie; she had blue eyes like
a sweet spring evening, and in many
cases also | noticed that her golden
hair was hanging down her back. y
THAT tint was all the rage at the
time" l said; "and | found that If
| made her a brunette the proof
readers bleached her"
There are likewise several cases
Of hypnotism in the charge against
you, intimately connected with an
unclean Polish Jew with head
like a door mat. Also, several wo-
men have married the wrong men,
and allowed themselves to admit
it in subsequent condolences. OBJ
servedly, several women have not
married at allan error of omission
strongly to be deprecated.
MANY of your heroines-mostly
named Dorothy or Eunice - have
made successes on the stage. A
strong percentage of your men have
earned fortunes at literature, the
others at painting; and even find
one who wrote an opera and pro
duced it triumphantly.
"Then condolences - of which
have very black list. You are con,
tinually making people meet in
trains and at theaters and at par
ties; and one man went round the
world and took refuge from the rain
in the middle of the forest, and
there he met his long lost love -
who ought to have been home at
dinner-and seized the opportunity
to propose"
Homer was fast asleep; Shake
speare was making himself i'll over
a French cigar; Wagner had now
gon on to "Tristran," still on the
same typewriter; and Balzac had
strolled in and was having lunch
con out of the same bottle as the
elder Dumas.
"In your detective tales" went on
his honor, you create a clean-shav-
en- amateur who knows it all. This
would pass, but you have made him
only a mere mortal. not once al
luded to him as the seed of Zeus,
or half-brother to Mercury"
Edgar Alan Poe shook hands with
Gaboriau, then they both shook
their fists at me.
"But the end of your indictment
Is the most serious of all; it relates
to your poetry.
"You have used aye for ever;
you talk Of thee and thou quite
glibly, as If the words existed;
move you make rhyme with love
and above when you know the
only rhyme for these words Is dove
and shove; your meter Is all wrong
4