The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1906-06-17
Whi17lS OF the Taller !.
Hal and His Oft-Tinkling Wedding Bells.

~ ~
bands of the present day arc expected
to be. Henry was feet 4 inches In
Height, and fashioned In proportions,
though MS he broadcned In matrimonial
experience he took OH flesh and mean-
ness until he became a huge mountain
of flesh and a world OF ntrocious SELFISH
ness. 55 M "a s5f e IA III
They say tito. wedding was d glorious.
affair, and that OBSERVATION-DISCLOSURES ind
3all----gorgcd to the muzze on the best OF
food, Just ms they do now. at marriages,
only moro so. '.e'rhe fnrest mud most
delicate ladies broke their morning fast.
on chimes, Kits Of salted herrings, with
"a proper seasoning OF kilderltins; OF mus!
itnrd, and washed the solids down with.
gallons Of October.
All! 1t was grand and glorious, and
the newspapers would have published
columns about it--hnd there been any
and had tho reporters dnred--b,,t mes
thinks, In the light Of the SEQUEL. 1t all
must have rung omInously hollow.
Figuratively speaking, the morning
safter" was horrible, for, It is not long
before we find our loving, self-indulgent,.
discriminating Hal growing a-weary of
{ the noble, ever-clrcunspect Katharine.
The consequences Of this disaffecton
have been wondrously far-rcnching and
our genial Halls efforts to divorce this
truly good wife brought about conditions
which, fairly shook all Europe d S
Suffice It to say that Katharine was
formally. repudated by the regal brute
twenty-fo,ir years after her marriage,
though long before this Henrys conduct
had been 5insultingly grass widowerisl
and Indecent to#a degree suggestive Of
we'll Of some New York millonaires
Sdolngs.
4 TO the very last poor faithful, exem-.
tplary katharine appeared to dote on our
fpondrous hero, but months before her re-
pndiation.& she had an acknowledged rival
in beautiful. cruel selfish young Anne
Bolcyn. whose shameless conduct before
she landed her weighty prize, with It's
crown attachment, shocked even the
lplain-sp spoken vulg English Of that day.
And blush to say It, but reading
incorporated history we find that had
Town Topics been published In that day.
1T might have had something to say about
sister Mary, and with her stcp-motfer,s
even before he led the fair Anne herself
to the altar.
But it won't do to go into all these
things. Besides they Amt printable.
Our purpose Is served when we say that
Henry and Anne, despite the just clam
orings Of Katharine, were made one In
1888. Anne then was thirtythree in point
Of age and about ono hundred and fifty
in point of sinful experience. Yet as
much as swc' all love gossip. shall not
detail the hideous court scandal which
brought her to the block. A large bunch
OF assorted Correspondents shared her
fate with her In the language Of the.
reporters OF present day they all "as-
icended the scoffold with a firm step.
which, let US hope. means that all were
innocent" $' III.
It Is not for me to say that the ILL
5fated coquette got what she deserved
to-wit, deadly. head-severing sword
blow from a special French 8executioner,
whom the amiable Henry had specially
Imported from Calais for the OCCASION,
May 10, 1886.
AS has been explained, wretched Anne
saw her finish when she caught young
Jane Seymour. then a bewitching maid Of
honor, on Henry's knee. for she knew
the fickleness Of her royal consort.
Some widowers. after so ira gle n death
as Annes would have deceitfully donned
sackcloth and ashes sand wouldn't have
thought OF wearing even second mourning
for twelve months following, but not SO
our frank, hearty HAL "a tis
About three days after the little sword.
Incident. we find him, aged forty-fivegand
weighing about ton, wheezngly gallop-3
ing Off to Wolf Hall, tshire, to claim
the fascinating Jane as his third bSide.
Wife Nos undoubtedly was pretty. II,
not oveburdened with 4 sense OF deli
cacy but she was the most 'po-white's
Of all our hero's brides. They had to,
manufacture a pedigree for her--a thing
ie1~ n %1,o
now-nnd It Is said that by the union the
sovereign OF England gained one brother
1ir-law, whose name wns Smith, and an
other whose grandfather was, actually
blacksmith at Putney.
& It Is hardly likely, however, that these
poor relatives bothered Hal much. for
lunlucky Jane was called to another king 4
dom October rs, 537, n little over n year
after her marriage. She was the only
one OF Henry's six wives who died q
queen and the only one who bore him
a malo heir. M
Moreover she got most flattering
funeral and a nice complimentary tomb
stone, containing an obstetrical Latin
epitnph, which translated, reads:
Here phoenix lieth. whose death
To another phoenix gave breath
IT is to DO lamented much
The world at once ne'er knew two SUCH.
Our affectonate. big-hearted fayorite.
Hal generally got tho lady he wanted
when he set his mind on her. butte
use very gross exrression-he found
himself gold bricked' when he toois
Anne OF Cleves for hin fourth bride
He was persuaded into this alliance by
1.-THE politicians and wasi told that Anne.
was very attractive. rs IIolbain's mimi
ture represented her to be-. But. alas!
when he saw her for the first time, on!
New Years Eve. 1910. he WAS infurated-.
STRUCK with consternation"3 at her lack.
of good looks and homely face. which
had been ptted by smallpox.
A few days later. however. he suddenly