davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-11-22
HOW ONE GOT IN.

St Peter settin at de gates
Niger passin' by
st. Peter uD an sex ter him:
How did you come ter der
Go ak de man whut belt de gun
A-p'ntin at dat rOOs:
Go ak de dog whut belt my foot
An wouldn't turn hit loose!'
An So st. Peter SEE to him,
You WIZ kotch in de ac'2''
Dat niger turnt an looked at him
An sDon's: Hit is a fac'P'
Down in de pit den you mus go
Fer stealth Nv dat henri
Dat Niger scratch his haid right hard
St Peter had him denl
But 'dreckly Hftin up his arms.
He flop EN- on his side,
An zackly like a rooster crow
Three times out loud he cried!
st. Peter hung his haid In shame
He 'men1bered NV his sin
An grabbin up a great big key,
He let dat Niger I'M
New Orleans Picayune.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-11-22
QUAKER REFLECTIONS.

TFrom the Philadelphia Record.
The chronic kicker at least varies
the monotony of life.
Wasted opportunities are those that
go to the wrong people.
We like our friends to be perfectly
frank with us-about other people.
1t has been noticed that the bandits
of comic opera still use the same old
gags.
When the chronic borrower calls and
finds you in you discover later that you
are really out.
The average man divides his time
between plans for the future and re-
grets for the past.
Adam may have had many things
to contend with. but a mother-in-law
wasn't one of them.
As Thanksgiving approaches the
fashionable turkey should put on his
double-breasted breast
Sillicus-"They say he is lucky at
love" Cynicus-''Y Yes; every girl he
proposes to turns him down.
A public Office is a public trust, and
It's t. fellow who doesn't get the Of
fee that is down on the Trust.
Muggins-"So your little boy is fond
OF music, eh?" Buggins-"Oh, pas
sionately. Only this morning he swal-
lowed a penny whistle"
Nell-"She's exceedingly proper
isn't she?" Belle-"Oh, decidedly so.
That girl wouldn't go on wedding trip
without a chaperone."
Wigg-'But how does a fellow know
when he is really in lover" Wagg-
There's no rnistalxing it. He simply
acts like a born fool, realizes It and
doesn't care
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-11-22

In view OF Governor Hoch's splendid
gains in Atchison, to remember that
these gains are the result Of the gov
ernor's attitude toward Atchison dur
ing his first term. He recognized and
appreciated the Peace and Decency
policy practiced in Atchison, and so fire.
quently commented on by the Globe,
and the Atchison county press gener-
ally, and the gratitude of Atchison cit.
liens was practically proven by the
tremendous majority rolled UP for
Hoch, Notwithstanding the influence Of
the Kansas City Star. which made ev-
cry effort to humble and defeat Gov
ernor Hoch''
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-11-22
POINTED IsARAGRAPHs-

TF.rom the Chicago Newsl
IT'S short street that has no beer sign.
vinegar-faced parsons make but few
converts
He who lives for self and self alone is
a successful failure
quite a number of the fixed stars show
up on the American flag.
The straight and narrow path isn't wide
enough for crooked people.
It's almost as easy to achieve foolish
ness as 1t is to be born foolish
A small vice in a great man is equiva-
lent to a hole in a silver quarter.
Cynics learn by experience, but other
people imagine they were born that way
Only the successful man is in a position
to value the worlds praise at its true
worth.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-11-22
GLOBE SIGHTS.
[From the Atchison Globe. ]

From "A
When a man submits to process
sion wedding, the men have the same
oDinion Of him that the women have
OF a woman who continues TO live with
her husband after he has beaten her.
They saw husbands are not kind to
their wives, and do not love them as
thew should An Atchison wife Is IN
no fit condition to go to church, and,
rather than go without her, her hus-
band doesn't go.
Here is a crushing piece of news for
lecturers: The ushers at the theaters
have an agreement with the theater
nanagement that. after seating an au-
dtence for a lecture, the ushers need
not remain to hear the lecture.
Young man. when you marry a
princess, a beautiful girl, remember
that in a few years you viii nave an
old and unattractive woman on your
hands; and a woman who won't hes
tate to tell you what she thinks of
you. either
Another fool notion by Doctor Of
Philosophy: That young people should
be permitted to marry on trial II
they do not like i, they Will Re a.
liberty to separate. without prejudice
or talk. But who would take care Of
the children? The state?
Congresses must be unpleasar
things to have in a town. Lately
Phila deiphfa has been afflicted with a
phia papers are full of pictures of pit
fully homely women in connection
with their opinions on divorce Near
" all the pictures are Of women doc
tors and women preachers.
The average man. when he gets a
shotgun in his hand, and appears be-
fore his women folks in hunting
clothes, intimates by his swagger that
If two quails get up before him, in
the brush, he will get both of them;
that every running rabbit he sees, will
be his We frankly admit we can't
hit quail flying; and a rabbit running
is also too much for US.
It requires nerves for a Mere Man
to make a housekeeping suggestion to
women, but we Will risk it. Next sum-
ner, put up your own sweet corn.
Sweet corn canned at home Is much
better than the factory corn. And IT
is cheaper; you can buy roasting ears
at five cents a dozen and put up corn
cheaper than you can buy it at the
grocery stores And it is very much
better and cleaner.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-11-22
POINTED PARAGRAPHS
rFrom the chicago News-1

[From the Chicago News.I
A crafty man isn't necessarily a
sailor.
Humility is a virtue that hobbies
about on crutches.
In football it's touchdown; in mat
rimony it's a shakedown.
Life is not worth living unless you
live for the good you can do.
The less husbands and wives have to
saw about jealousy the better.
Never judge a mans worth by the
amount of life insurance he carries
Perhaps you may have noticed that
rich relatives usually live to ripe old
age.
Did YOU ever see a fellow walking
around on his uppers while waiting for
a dead mans shoes?
When his patients die doctor ex-
cuses himself on the ground that they
failed to follow his advice.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-11-22

The late Edward Rosewater, founder
and editor of the Omaha Bee, had a
sincere love of art. says the Buffalo
Enquirer He hated pictures that in
dicated scamped work-so-called i'm
pressionistic pictures that were merely
rough and hurried sketches. and So
called portraits that bore no likeness TO
their original.
A young painter showed Mr.. Rose
water one day portrait Of a mutual
friend.
THAT a portrait of smith7" the eds-
tor exclaimed. I'D never have known
it,"
oh" the artist exclaimed. Il didn't
try for a likeness, you know. I tried
for an effect-an effect in grays.'
Il know a man in New York" said
Mr. Rosewater. who had his portrait
painted last year. 1t cost him $4.0
and he was very proud of it. WheE
it came home he showed it to his cook.
"'WeIl, Mary he said. how do you
like this portrait?
Sure, sir said the cook It's love
ly It's beautiful. It's divine
And, of course, said my friend,
you know who it tsp
- oh, of course, I do Sir said the
cook. OF course, of course AS she
spoke she kept drawing nearer to the
picture, studying it more and more
closely. OF course, sir she said. It's
you or the mistress :"
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-11-22
Balm for q Wound.

An editor was praising Lord North
cliffe, the young and famous newspa-
per proprietor of England.
Lord Northcliffe,'' he said. began
life as a reporter. At % he was rush
ing to cornerstone layings and lee
lures and what not for London jour-
nal at a salary of SIS a week
Then he started Answers, a lit
tie two-cent weekly. 1t succeeded. He
started other weeklies-'Home, Sweet
Home and Forget-Nde-Not,' and
'Heartsease'-and they all succeeded.
He started the Daily Mail, and soon he
was making a million year out OF
that.
This young man, on being elevated
to the peerage, found the sleepy at
mosphere of the House of Lords very
different from the busting atmos-
phere of the offices of his innumer-
able weeklies and monthiies and
dailies.
LAS Lord NorthcIiffe was getting
out of his motor car one day a little
after his accession to the peerage,
Lord Rosebery said:
How do you like the House of
Lords?'
Like it?' exclaimed the active
Lord Northcliffe. I feel there as
though were dead and buried alive
He paused. and, noting the look
OF discontinue on Lord Rosebery's
face, added quickly:
And in the land of the Blessed.
Los Angeles Times
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-11-22
RESuRMISSION.

Beware Of resubmissiOn. It means
nothing more nor less than the deter
mination of the liquor element to
make a change by abolishing the pro-
hibitory law. The brewers are capable
of Juggling with elections and now
that they have had plenty of time to
lay their wires it would be harder for
a camel to pass through the eye of a
needle than to retain the prohibitory
law if the question were resubmitted.
-Lindsborg Record.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-11-22
words That COST s1 nnn Eaoh

At the Franklin inn, a literary club
Of Philadelphia, a young poet licking
his lips, said that Conan Doyle was
paid 81 dollar a word
THAT is nothing" said a railroad
advertising man. I know of a case
where a man was paid 81 900 a word.
Our line used to have at its grade
crossing a very long and complicated
sign that began, Beware of the en-
gines and cars and then this sign wen;
on with a lot of injunctions and warn
ing that would have taken five minutes
to read.
In a number of accident cases the
complainants for damages declared
that our long signs We're not clear
warnings. Therefore the line decided
at last to get a new grade crossing
sign, and Judge Paxon was engaged to
write one.
THE sign that Judge Paxon wrote
cost $1,000 a word, but it was a classic.
It remains a classic. 1t is as we'll
known among US as Father, I cannot
tell a ne, or England expects every
man to do his duty
THE sign that cost $1,000 a word, or
sc, 600 In all, was the famous Railroad
Crossing-Stop Look and Listen -
Philadelphia Bulletin
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-11-22

Atchfson and Doniphan counties arc
che only counties in the state SO far as
known where Governor Hoch made
gains over his pluralfties Of two years
aso. A correspondent of the Atchison
Globe figures that If Atchison county
had voted as It did two years ago Har-
RE would have been elected by ISL
plurality, and he adds: 1T is pleasant.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-11-22

Suppose. Just suppose only" sug-
gests the Lawrence Journal. that the
Republicans of Kansas should quit
lighting each other for the next two
years and fight the Democracy, what
would be the result ?" But what's the
use Of supposing the impossible?
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-11-22

William Dean Howells says there is
no money in literature Perhaps not
IN Mr.. Howell's kind. 1t is necessary
TO write something of interest in or
der TO get people to buy It.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-11-22

The ani-pass provision OF the Hep
burn act does not become operative
tfll January I, so Congressman Cal
derhead can ride back to Washington
On his. anyway.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-11-22

Count Bonf has no more idea of re-
signing his seat IN the Chamber of
Deputies because Of his domestic scan
dals than Thomas c. Plat has Of re-
signing his seat IN the United States
senate. But over Ia France they are
non,etiraes kicked out
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-11-22

This weeks snowstorm would not
have occasioned so much comment had
II come on November Z. At that time
the atmosphere seemed chilly to a
great many people. but they ought to
haze gotten over it now.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-11-22
GOOD.AnvIrE

With corn huskers getting 3 to 5
cents per bushel this ought to be
great country for able-bodied men who
go about peddIing something people do
not want. Drop it and get to work.
Glasco Sun.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-11-22

A Cuban revolutionist attempted to
revclute some more the other dry, just
from force OF habit. and Governor Ma
goon's officers locked him Up for dis
orderly conduct Oh. what a fall, my
countrymeni
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-11-22

Grant Hornaday's boom for COVER
nor in 1908 came very near not being
the first on the ground The Meade
Globe has trotted out boom for Tom
McNeal for the same place.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-11-22

There isn't any proof thus far that
Abe Reuf brought on the earthquake
in order to get a chance at the relief
fund, but some people probably have
their suspicious.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-11-22

Mr.. Bryan thinks the Democrats VIII
win next time. To paraphrase the late
Noble L. Prentis, the Democratic party
is the greatest next time party on
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-11-22

One thing we learn by the recent
sscarnival Of crime in Pittsburg is
that that city is not made up entirely
Of law-breaking miIIionaires-
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-11-22

President RccseveIt's progress along
the canal was delayed by landslide
The progress of the canal is apt to be
delayed few times in the same way
as well as others.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-11-22

1t is asserted by a medical authority
that running promotes health. If this
be true, some ofice-seekers ought to
abound In health. At least they are
alvravs running.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-11-22

Count Boni says the railroads in
huenced the court against him over
there in Paris Boni seems to be try
Ing to get on the popular side
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-11-22

Still 1t was hardly to be expected
that the Standard Oil company would
break itself up and go out of business
Just because Mr.. Moody requested it
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-11-22
a cOMMON PROPENsITY.

Governor Magoon couldn't provide
offices for all the Cubans who wanted
them, and SO there is some kicking.
But people do not generally kick them
selves into office; it goes the other way.
Press.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-11-22

The rights OF the people continue t
BE abridged. In Tennessee a man has
been fined $40 for snoring in church
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-11-22

There is this cheerful view to take
Of that $1,000 fine that was tied to the
tail OF Standard Oil: If the court had
made the hne s6.O00,00O. it would been
pretty tough on the consumers.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-11-22

Still, New Mexico cannot sue Ari-
zona for breach of promise, for she
never promised in the first place. It
was her Uncle Samuel who fixed up
the match-or tried to.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-11-22

Always look at the label. socialistiC
doctrines bearing any but a Republi-
can brand are dangerous and should
not Be-. trtfled with.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-11-22

Anyway, the ice trust has been put
out Of business, even If the other trusts
haven't
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-11-22

The government is putting up a
ufrong case against the Standard. Still.
Il must be remembered that oil is slip
merry.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-11-22
FULL LEASED WIRE REPORT
OF THE ASSOCIATED 'RIHS9.

When in doubt. eastern Democrats
blame It onto Bryan
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-11-22

The Philippine representative cham
ber when It is elected and assembled,
will have to behave better than some
Of our state legislatures do before the
political lights Of the United States will
accept its capacity for self govern
ment-Pittsburg Dispatch.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-11-22

Listen" said man of middle age.
He was standing over the PIANIST,
whispering excitedly in her ear
''Listenr' he said again. My wife is
coming to you this afternoon to have
her fortune told. and If you want to
make some money on the side
He laid a bank note on the stuffed
OWLS head.
Tell her on no account to buy
motor car. because you read in her
palm that she is doomed to be killed In
an automobile accident. "-Exchange
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-11-22
sAvTNc AND DIvIDING.

The railroads are giving their en-
plcyes in increased pay some of the
money they are saving by not issuing
free passes. Bpt nobody IS going to
kick about that.-Philadelphia Press
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-11-22

REPUTATION TO vINDICATE.
A New York skyscraper is to have Al
floors. which Is more stories than they
tell about the F'latiron building.-Bos-
ton Record.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-11-22
MORE EVIDENCE.

The fact that candidate for county
clerk was slugged in Stafford county a
few days before the election might be
submitted to the attorney general for
investigation as another evidence that
the Standard Oil took part in the cam
paign.-Salina Journal.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-11-22
ERON OTHER PENS
THE SENATORIAL, R-COI,ONY.

Gov. Beckham of Kentucky. whose
election to the United States senate is
now assured, will be the youngest mem
Der of that body, though just how old
he is remains an open question. who's
Who does not tell, but the omission
fess their age. Perhaps ne is sensitive
instead on the score of his youth. How
ever, he Is not now 80 years DID," as
affirm. One authority gives his birth
day as August .. 1869. in which case
he must now be in his thirty-eighth
year, but even so he is considerably
Younger than Senator Burkett, who
was born SO years ago. Senators Beck
ham, Burkett, Brandegee and Bever-
tdge will constitute a remarka bly, al
literate and youthful quartet in the up
per chamber at Washington.-Prov
dence Journal
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-11-22
REPUBLICAN VOTES.

Those who are making the silly
charge that the Standard OIL company
furnished the money with which the
Democrats made the campaign in this
state evidently overlooked the fact
that If such was the case it was Re
publican votes that were bought with
that money. The Sun is not yet ready
to believe that there are thirty thou
sand or any fraction of that number OF
Republican votes in Kansas for sale.
1t prefers to believe that the Repubn-
cans of Kansas Just went off the re-
servation. In fact, it is willing to be-
lieve anything except that those votes
were purchase d--ParsonS Sun.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-11-22
PRoFEssIONAL VANITY.

Naturally James ]. Hill thinks a rail-
road knows more about running gov
eminent than a government knows
about running a railroad--Was hington
Star.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-11-22
A POLITTCIAN GETTING WISE.

Ex-Governor Benjamin B. Odell Of
New York is a thorough going machine
politician, who has all his life been &C
customed to look upon the voters Of
his city and his state as so many step
ping stones to preferment in his chosen
career. But he has been studying the
returns of Tuesdays election to some
purpose, and the lesson they have i'm
parted to him is more than likely to
exercise lasting influence upon those
who guide the councils of his party in
New York for many year to come.
From this time forward, says Cover
nor Odeu, analyzing the strength and
character of the forces that gave the
Hearst movement its impetus, the Re-
publican party must give greater heed
to the demand OF the people for the
betterment of conditions. and less to
the ambitions of politicians. "-Phila-
dalnhia Record.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-11-22
KANSAS COMMENT
ENFoRcEMlENr oF LAw.


again referring to the sentiment in
FAVOR of the enforcement of law in
Kansas, the Journal desires to insist
tnat this Is the psychological moment
70 ENFORCE the prohibitory law. It is
also the time for serious thoughts to
see wherein the law can be strength
ened- There are some things still to
pc uone IN favor of the law. The COM
this work
Kansas is just now in the midst of
The most remarkable civic revival ever
known The disrespect of law that
was so fragrant in this country has dis
appeared, and men and parties are
Vleing with each other In their devo-
ton to all laws. 1t is a healthy sign.
IL Is also time to get down to brass
tac 9I,Ss IN the enforcement of law.
There IS more than one law that
needs enforcing. The statute books
are covered with dead laws. Why not
enforce them? Why not have the
healtny sentiment utilized for the good
OF the people? Then If there are bad
laws they can be repealed.
The demand for laws in this country
is something terrific. Practically every
man you meet has a legal panacea for
the Ills that beset us 1t makes little
difference if these ills are imaginary,
they are ever present to that man with
the IDEA and he proceeds to make
medicine. II we enforced the laws
better, there would be fewer of them.
Then the enactment Of law would be
IN response to a we'll defined demand.
Now law IS somebody's energy.
However this may be, there Is no
question about the condition OF the
public pulse on the liquor question at
this time. There Is also a great op-
portunity for doing effective work in
behalf of the law on the part of the
officers. The prohibitory law is en-
forced in spots in Kansas It ought to
be enforced everywhere. The time
has come when 1t is best to stop our
foolishness and get down to business.
The election returns show what the
people expect and their wishes ought
to be obeyed.
Furthermore, the prohibitory law is
a good law.-Lawrence Journal.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-11-22

Briggs-"The Highblowers keep sixteen
servants" Griggs-"That's a good many
people to work for."-Judge.
The commercial. (Union City, Tenn.) 190?-193?, 1906-05-04

on more than their allowance, the cir
having to submit. 1t is only from
converts that the entire hair of a
woman's head can be had, and the
sale of the hair cut off nuns head
when she takes the veil, is valuable
item in some converts incomes.
Hair bought from the ordinary mer-
chant of the class described is more
often than not fraudulently weighted
with grease and dirty matter, and fire.
quently the purchaser loses about 80
per cent. before the hair is cleansed.
The cost of thoroughly cleaning and
working up this bought hair is enor-
nous, and as only skilled workers can
do 1t, the seller of the made up article
must make about so per cent on the
price he gave to the merchant before
he realizes any profit. 1t may ease
the minds of ladies wearing artificial
hair to know that the cleaning of the
hair is thorough and effectually de-
stroys any danger of disease from uB-
healthy germs. Every hair has to be
fastened in, with the root up and the
point down, as 1t grows on the head,
or 1t will not lie smooth and even. The
exact shade has to be matched from
many different lots of hair and length
and texture have also to be studied.