Waterbury evening Democrat., 1906-12-10
ON CRIDIRON GRILL
Washington's Unique Club
 Gives Jolly Banquet.
JOKES ON PRESIDENT AND CAPTAINS
Clubmen Take Liberties With High and Low-score Taft, Root, Tillman and Hearst-No Speeches
 Are Printed.

and Low-score Taft, Root, TillmaA
 and Hearst-No Speeches
 Are Printed.
 WASHINGTON Dec. 10.-Simplified spelling, the trip to Panama, adjust ment of affairs in Cuba. discharge of the negro battalion, the recent cleo tions, exploits of modern financiers and most of the matters which have re gently figured in the news of the day made sport at the first winter dinner of the Gridiron club.
 The dinner was held in the New Will lard hotel, and captains of industry mingled with President Roosevelt's captains of the administration. The president was the principal guest, and with him were Secretaries Shaw, Taft and Hitchcock. Vice President Fair banks had seat beside the president, and the Italian. British. Russian and Japanese ambassadors had seats at the presidents table. So did Speaker Can non.
 From New York came ]. Pierpont Morgan, Edward H. Hartman, Stuy- vesant Fish, James Speyer, F. L. Un- derwood, Paul Morton, Frank A. Van derlip, Timothy l.. Woodruff, Oscar s. Straus and Perry Belmont. The army was represented by Lieutenant Gener- al H. c. Corbin retired) and Major General George l.. Gillespie (retired).
 President Roosevelt is democratic guest at any social function. but it is at Gridlron club affairs that he most relaxes and gives laughter its full measure.
 Gridiron club humor takes liberties with high and low, the president not excepted, but it is always understood that he shall have an opportunity to reply.
 With the menu card was a diction- ary. which abounded in truths as well as simplfied spelling. Each page con tained one or two wise saws and H. luminating maxims. Here are few:
 "A word to the wise depends on how it's spelt."
 You never miss the water when the stock goes high"
 There's many a slip twixt congress and the supreme court" This was printed immediately above Senator Beveridge's picture.
 "Fine feather dusters make fine gov ernors."
 Even feather duster will turn"
 ''The big stick never strikes twice in the same place: it doesn't have to-"
 Many are sold. but few admit it."
 ''It's wise candidate who goes to Mexico"
 Where there's a will there's an in- heritance tax"
 He laughs best who spends only sGls."
 "A little lemon is dangerous thing"
 There were songs addressed to Messrs. Roosevelt, Tillman and Taft, and the big secretary of war had an exciting introduction for his speech. This was in the form of m act entitled Cuba which gave the Gridiron clubs idea of how the secretary of war had settled the trouble in the island.
 A club member made up to repre- sent Mir. Taft suddenly entered, mak- ing much noise and carrying what seemed to be a redhot stove.
 Well, Mir. Taft" inquired the pre- siding officer. "what are you going to do with that junk you are carrying aroundT
 "This is the Cuban situation,' re- marked Taft. dropping the stove as he rubbed his burned hands, '.and I am going to leave it on the front steps of the White House"
 "Unless all the battleships are out of commission the chances are that you won't find anybody at home," said the presiding officer
 Well" said Taft. Eve got to go back to more peaceful things. such as suspending orders about negro troops, so I'll leave 1t here"
 A club member made up to repre- sent Judge Magoon was forced to sit on the stove while a band of Cuban insurgents danced around. waving ma chetes. It was proposed that the club ignore the Cubans and fill the offices themselves. It was announced there was a meeting of the Lame Ducks of the last election on the floor below to form a Down and Out club. They were brought in to make officials for Cuba.
 William R. Hearst was nominated for governor and rushed in as his name was called.
 .-Mr. Hearst" said a member of the cinb. "we intend to make you governor ot Cuba inasmuch as you cannot he governor of anything else. and your noble efforts to relieve the financial Stringency among the voters of New York deserves recognition"
 -But don't want to be governor" expostulated Mir. Hearst. -Ill never run for any office again except the presidency and I've got the priee--
 Mir. Hearst waved . large wsd If sreenbacks. which was instantly taken from him by one of the cubans.
 What do I get for this rnoneyT de manded the late Democrstic candidate for governor of New York.
 Pardon. se1or.- exclaimed another or the Cutaas as he handed Mir. Hearst q lemon
 -whzf. another lem96-- groaned Mr