davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-09-17
SOCIALISTS PROMISES

In an address issued by the Socialist
convention in Clay county last week oc-
ours this paragraph:
If Socialism will guarantee Won and
your posterity forever as good living
ana surroundings as can be furnished
70 any human being. is that not what
you want? Do you not desire to be
placed beyond the fear of want2 DO
you not desire your children to he
paced beyond the fear OF want?"
Such guarantee would be the curse
OF humanity A large portion Of the
population of this country would become
lazy and shiftless if they were guaran-
teed even bare living. They wouldn't
work They would become non-pro-
dueers- And If they were not compelled
to work the devil would certainly and
employment for them and there would
be all kinds Of trouble.
One Of the greatest blessings that an
all-wise Providence has given to man
kind is the necessity of working some
Of US find it rather inconvenient Some
times. but it is a good thing for us that
We have to work for a living instead Of
being able to loaf
Harry Thaw is the result of a man
being guaranteed a living, and he Is
only a conspicuous example. vice and
crime and idIeness would be much more
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-09-17
QUAKER REFLECTIONS.

IFrom the Philadelphia Record
A man feels most put out when he
is taken in.
The longer a bill runs the more ant
we are to lose sight of it.
There is generally more fiction in the
publishers announcements than in the
novels.
The average girl will pick a quarrel
with her young man for the sake OF
the peace Offering.
Nc, Maude, dear; when you are pro-
yoked you don't have to &c to the post
ONCE to stamp your feet.
When q fellow Is in love with a girl
he doesn't care whether she turns her
toes in or out, as long as she doesn't
turn them up.
Wigg-''They say he married for
money Wagg-.'Well, he looks AZ
though he had earned It, but was hav-
ing some trouble collecting"
ION what grounds do you seek a d.
vorce from your wife p asked the law
yer. A pun" replied the long suffer-
ing husband. You see, she's a sculn-
tress and twenty times q day She re-
marks to me: VIII you love me when
I mould ? -
First Chicago Woman-.sThe tro,-
Bile with her is she never takes ad
vantage of her opportunities" Second
Chicago WOman-sI know It WHY
would you believe It, she actually pass
ed right through Dakota and never
thought of stopping for a divorce
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-09-17
JOURNAL ENTRIES

This department regrets to note that
Colonel bod CASTOR needs to take a
course in simplified spelling.
X \
Bertha Krupp is spending only $3.50
for her trousseau. but that isn't the
only reason why she is the richest girl
in the world.
Comparatively few people know
what r. S. v. P. means, but nobody
has to guess twice on c. o. D.
x
Now that Bent Murdoch has elected
Stubs senator, Curtis and Benson and
Bristow and the rest might as well
quit.
If this department ever goes in an
airship to discover the North Pole, it
viii insist on having the airship steam
heated.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-09-17

Away with thee, creature of terrorl
Too long have you yenJured to stay.
The weather man falls into error:
I GU re leading his judgment astray.
The mercury ought TO be falling
10 autumn's mid marx on the glass;
Yet it climbs with a speed that s appalling
70 watch you and grin as you pass.
Go hence with the collar that's trailing
found the neck in limp folds neghge;
failing,
And the shirtings Of vivid display.
Take with you the garb unromant1c
OF lassies athletic IN taste;
The white footwear that looks so gigan-
tic
And likewise the peek-a-boo waist.
Washington Star.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-09-17
Limericks and HOW to Write EN-.

My new book. How to Write Hu-
morous Verse; having just come from
the press and being for sale at all the
department stores, where you can get
IT, OF the blonde pompadour at any
book counter at $1.08, provided you
have $1.08 and she has the book,-she
viii tell you she hasn't and will rec
ommend something else, but don't be
deceived by substitutes want to say
few words about the book to cor
rect any misunderstanding regarding
IT, The report has gotten abroad that
do not know what l am talking about
when l pretend to tell others how to
write humorous verse, and that I am
a fraud and cheat and never wrote a
really humorous verse in my life. I
refuse to believe it. Anyone who wants
to make me believe that will have to
prove it to me.
My new book is the fourth of my
well-known How to" series and is
bound the same way, with E swinging
lid at each end. The color of the lids
Is lovely sky blue. like my other
How to- books. The other volumes
OF the series are How to Write
Psalms" How to Pickle Olives
How to Catch Trout" and How to
Write How to- Books I have I'M
der way two more, entitled How to
Write Dramas and How to Cure
Hams"
The first chapter Of How 10 Write
Humorous Verse" divides humorous
verse into two principal divisions:
First, humorous verse that is funny
ana second, humorous verse written by
others than myself.
The second chapter begins with the
query, What is the lowest form of hui
morOuS verse % The pun is said the
lowest form of humor. I boldly an
ncunce, in Chapter II, that the Lin
erick is the first form, or lowest-down
form, of humorous verse. I explain
what Limerick is. "a Limerick I
say, Is poem of five lines two of
which are sawed off shorter than the
others" By this description anyone
can tell Limerick who sees one. I
ADVISE all beginners to learn to write
Limericks first Of all before attempting
Things like the "Bigelow Papers or
Nothing to Wear" To show how clear
my instructions are I quote from the
book:
I'VE will now proceed to compose a
Limerick. To do this the learner
would best draw on a blank sheet Of
paper something like five rows Of fence
posts.
by doing this the art is rendered
mucn simpler. for all that is neces-
sary is to write one syllable in each
space between the fence posts. It also
serves to prevent the enthusiastic be-
glnner from getting the third and
fourth lines too long. In the heat
oI Joyous composition the poet is apt
10 forget to keep these two lines short
and he goes ahead and writes them as
long as the others, which makes him
additional work, for he has to go back
and cut part of them off afterwards
Il IS always best to lay out a map of
the Limerick first, just as a good cab
dnetmaker will not begin to make a
sofa unless he has his working draw
lngs before him.-Ellis Parker Butler
IN success Magazine
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-09-17
PoINTED PAnAGRAPHa.

IFrom the Chicago News.1
Words the women use are seldom,
idle.
Some people look on home as a sort
of coating station.
Many man gets behind because he
looks too far ahead.
A woman loves to pretend to hate
the man she really loves.
It's a waste of time to make rules
for other people to live by
A woman's faith in a man is often
due to his lack of faith in himself
Shaking hands may signify friend
ship and then again 1t may indicate a
lockout.
It's impossible to convince a woman
that mans reason is better than her
intuition.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-09-17
REFLECTIONS OF A BACHELOR.
IFrom the New York Press.1

IFrom the New York Press.l
A woman's idea of being deceived -
to tell secret and have 1t kent.
The devil never lnterferes in nolitics-
he just lets the politicians take care az
his work
Either girl worries because she has
made trouble for Some man or because
she hasn't
A young fellow Of twenty is almost as
foolish as we thought we were smart ~
that age.
The average man doesn't think II IL
a real argument unless he Is yelling a
the top Of his voice.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-09-17

not seem to have found out that a ma
5ority of the Kansas Republicans are
with LaFolIette." OF course no actual
census on the subject has yet been tax
en-, but there are strong indications that
the Gazette is right. If Senator Long
is observing he will discover that the
sentiment Of the people of Kansas fire.
quently differs from that which pre-
walls in the United States senate.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-09-17

Congressman Ldttleheld says Samuel
Gompers really helped him to re-clec-
ton instead of being a hindrance to
him, out it is doubtful If Mr.. Little
field sends for Mr.. Gompers the rext
time he runs.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-09-17

Not all the governmental personages
on earth, nor all the educational bodies.
can have so much influence on the
spelling of the languages as the hum
bic necessary printer It is he who is
responsible for many of the present
autographed twists, and it is he who
Will remove those twists again when the
spirit moves him. He looks with cold
distrust upon any innovation which he
does not originate himself-Atlanta
Journal.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-09-17

II Gompers really helped Littleheld.
Uncle Joe" Cannon ought to welcome
the American Federation leader with
open arms. now that Gompers is re-
turning to Illinois TO put few fxin-s
70 Uncle Joe.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-09-17

After reading Senator Longs answer
TO LaFollette, the Clay Center Times,
Del Valentines paper. thinks it would
like to give L'aFollette just a few min
utes to reply.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-09-17

DOESN'T It make you mad to answer
the telephone and have someone. yell
at you who is this?" Then when
you call anyone up why do you say
It? When you telephone inquire il
It is the number you want, and then
ask for the person to whom you wish
to speak. For goodness sake if you
value the friendship of your acquain-
tances don't yell Who is this at
them through the telephone. It is
none of your business who it is. And
that is the answer you deserve when
you ask.-Sa betha Herald.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-09-17

There is some question as to wheth-
er the real terrorists in Russia are the
extreme revolutionists or the troops
who are unrestrained.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-09-17

There is a suspicion that the indi-
viduals who make joint whisky have
denatured alcohol plants already es-
tablished. The stuff is poison enough,
at any rate.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-09-17

Now that Chester I. Long has chosen
Senator Allison Of Iowa as his model.
the Kansas City Star surmises that the
ideal Of Charles Curtis is Thomas c.
Platt- The Star is very evidently mis-
taken Mr.. Curtis has no hankering
Tor q nemesis like Miss Mae Wood.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-09-17

Now that the excitement is all over
An Maine, the people of that common
wealth can look on with calm indiffer-
ence while the rest of US saw the air
with our campaigns.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-09-17

In commenting or Senator Longs re-
ply to LaFollette at Beloit few days
Rgo, the Beloit Gazette says the speech
was a wet blanket TO those who heard
taFollette at Lincoln park, and it con
Nudes that the Kansas senator does
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-09-17

OF course when the government has
a really hard job like this Cuban mat
ter to attend to, 1t sends for Funston.
but Greedy is left to wear gold lace out
on the coast.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-09-17

Mrs. Rhinelander Stewart, the di-
vorced wife Of millionaire, is about
60 marry another millionaire with the
ordinary name of Smith. The millions
are the thing, however, not the name.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-09-17
OKLAHOMA's CORN IIE.

cornfield on account of the marvellous
growth of the corn that the lightning
bugs can be seen in it in the daytime
the same as at night.-Ponca City
Courier.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-09-17

A New York stenograDher has re-
fused to marry her millionaire employ
er, The strange part Of it Is apparent
when It is known that she continues to
take dietations from him when she
might have married him and done the
debating herself.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-09-17

Was it Intentional or otherwise that
the Nemaha county Republican con-
vention endorsed President Roosevelt
but forgot to mention Governor Hoch-2
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-09-17

Reno county not only had to have
q let Of outside harvest hands this
year. but now it is advertising for
thousand apple pickers. If Kansas
farmers don't quit raising such big
crops there viii be nobody to save
them after a While.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-09-17

Incidentally Colonel Thomas Ben
ton Murdoch handed out a splendid
line Of advice to the students Of Kan
sas university the other day.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-09-17

John d. Rockefeller blames the big
headlines in newspapers for the mad
rush of the American people after
wealth. What paper was it that start
ed John D.2-Chicago Record Herald.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-09-17

stensland is coming home in a re-
frigerator ship. The warm reception
that he will receive will therefore seem
hotter than ever. by contrast.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-09-17

President Palma may think he is
having trouble, but Nick Romanon
can tell him what the real thing is
like, and that there isn't any Of 1t in
cuba
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-09-17

Mr.. Bryan came fresh from the
peace conference only to engage in a
war with Roger Sullivan. Why not
make them arbitrate?
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-09-17
PUBLIC MEMORY SHORT.

Even russell Bage's cheap clothes
have passed out of the public mind and
memory. When q rich man dies he
dies very dead; same with some poor
men, also.-Memphis News-Sc1mitar.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-09-17
Please HIM SOME MORE.

secretary wilson. AFTER visiting pack
ing plants. has noted some pleasing inn
provements in institutions that, accord
ing to their proprietors, were already
perfect.-Chicago News.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-09-17

President Roosevelt should not be
given credit for reforming all the
words on his simplihed list. About
sixty per cent Of them were reformed
three or four decades ago and have
kept straight during all of these years.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-09-17

For some years the Times has adj
vocated the printing of textbooks by
the state OF Kansas. Now that we
have our own. printery this is more
feasible than ever It appears to be
the only way in which to avoid the
recurring school book scandals. and
while supplying books that would be
quite as satisfactory as those in use.
the plan would have the additional
advantage Of proving a distinct econ
omy.ZLeavenworth Times
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-09-17

Between being arrested and commit
ting suicide, our poor bank wreckers
are having a very unpleasant time
Baltimore Sun.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-09-17
a Women's Suffrace Rird

Wilson's phalarope is very common
IN nearly all parts of the northwest
ern Drairies wherever there are gras-
sy pools or sloughs. It is a quiet
beautiful little bird, with no immod-
est outcries, feeding prettily along the
moist margins Of the sloughs, and not
distressing itself over our presence.
From nearly every standpoint this
phalarope-lfke all other species of its
class--is an anomaly among the birds.
Apparently a land bird, 1t has partially
webbed or scalloped feet and Is a good
and graceful swimmer The female IS
the larger and handsOmer of the pair,
she does the counting, and he most of
the subsequent incubation and nursery
work. He is duly meek and obedient,
as becomes the husband of an Amazon
for so worthy and strenuous a young
female as she will not tolerate buck
hanging around idle when there Is
plenty of useful work to be done. For
chicks are clothed and able to run at
birth is all that should reasonably be
expected Of her. Their marital rela-
tons are otherwise scandalous from
our point of view. Two or three idle
vafn-glorious females are often seen
devoting themselves to one little male
at the height of the nesting season. and
no one seems to be sure whether or
not he is the husband of anv one ar
all of them. Anyhow they are all
head over ears in love with him. One
such group of four followed me aronn5
one afternoon, as though anxious about
their nest IN the grass. They alighted
IN pool to swim about. and secured
snapshot of them.=Herbert K. lob
IN Some Lakeside Waders of the
Northwest in The Outing Magazine.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-09-17

Very likely President Palma would
like to see The Hague tribunal get busy
and accomplish something practical.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-09-17

Anyway stensland won't have to pay
his own fare back to Chicago.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-09-17

At any rate. Hearst's nomination for
governor of New York means that it
will be an interesting campaign.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-09-17
POLITICS AND PRIzE FLIGHTS

The morning after the prize fight be-
tween Battling Nelson and Cans. the
telephone in the Journal was kept busy
with Inquiries as to the result This
morning not a call was sent in as to
the result of the Maine election. Did
anybody say anything about people be-
ing interested in politics? - Salina
Journal.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-09-17

w Y. Morgan's announcement that
he viii not put his last series of Eu-
ropean letters into book form will be
a disappointment to a good many peo-
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-09-17
KANSAS CONAENT
NEED 4 sTATE FATR


smith county has been well repre-
sented at both the Iowa and Nebras-
IA state fairs this season and in every
case persons who have visited these
state exhibitions have come home and
expressed themselves as regrettfng
lhat Kansas does not appear able to
get INTO the class with states where
successful fairs are held each year.
money enough Is spent foolishly each
year Dy the legislature to defray the
Iotai cost OF a far which would do
great credit to every resident of the
state or Kansas. The enterprise should
De taken in hand by the state and
managed by a committee working in
connection with the agricultural de-
paflnent Such an enterprise located
al Iopeka and managed in the inter-
ests or the farmers and stock raisers
would prove a safe investment at the
END OF ten years. Smith county is
quite a distance from the capital but
the journal would like to help elect
man to the legislature who is broad
enough to forget the interest of some
PROFESSIONAL politician who aspires to
the United States senate and take UP
a measure In the proper way to insure
permanent state fair for Kansas.
we can make the showing to do credit
10 the state If the proposition could be
taken out OF the hands of the grafters
ana poHucians.-Smith Center Jour-
nal.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-09-17
BUT NOT 10 TOPEKA,s

Any one with a surplus rabbits foot
should send it to the White Sox-Chi-
cago News.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-09-17
SORGHUM AND HONEY

KNOCKED out IN the first round. No
sonner had we spoken a good word
for sorghum-Kansas airlv dav
sorghum-than in comes C. E. McMfl-
Ian, of Chelsea. and says, ITO ballv-
mack with sorghum" He has Kansas
honey homegrown alfalfa and Glow
er honey the best in the world. in
which to wallop his corn dodger. Hon
ey is good, but then nothing takes the
place Of sorghum=for one who was
raised on it.-EI Dorado Republican.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-09-17
Will LOOK OuEER

When the presidents next message is
printed. the typesetting machines will
think they are casting pi lines.-Buffalo
Express.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-09-17
EROM OTHER PENS
CAN,T RE sPAREn

A Missouri mob is reported forming to
lynch farm hand Don't They're too
scarce now.-Des Adoines News.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-09-17
GORKY

It's all right for Maxim Gorlxy to
denoUnce New York for its s.horrfb1e
wors ship of the Golden Devil but why
does he not give his friends his dis
covery that we had no use for ''the
brazen serpent New York Com
merciaI.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-09-17

EODINDAIIOIV AL-NOGI IN
Mr.. Henry James is at work on new
novel The greater portion of the open
ing sentence is already completed
London Tribune.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-09-17
Looking Forward.

WAS your husband killed in the sub
way erush2" asked the woman in vio-
let crepe.
mo. he persisted in the Seeing New
York Auto accident"
How odd I lost mine during a
trolley crash at the bridge
And your son?''
In the elevator accident
And your daughter"
"Died from heart failure after a bar
gain hunt
No this is not a conversation in a
play, it is merely some Of the small
talk overheard at an afternoon tea IN
the year 1000. And yet we continue to
so the pace.-Exchange
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-09-17
HOW DOES G

Is our congressman a stand patter
or IS he IN accord with the President
Roosevelt and Secretary Taft on tar
III revision. There are a large num-
per OF republicans in this district
who would like to know before the
erection. The so called square DEAF
IS not half so important so far as Mr..
curtis is concerned. as tariff revision.
MT. Curtis will have no vote on the di-
rect primary question or on the two
cent fare or railroad pass questions in
the legislature, but he Will have a vote
on tariff revision when it comes I'M
in congress. How does he stand ?''-
Holton Recorder.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-09-17
so1nethinp for AZ

"Ill tell you,'' said Mr.. E. G. Potter.
the sculptor. with a big laugh on one
of the very rare occasions when he
could be induced to talk about him
self, how I happened to take up art.
was going. much against my win. to
a Greek lecture in Walker hall one
day, when I looked up and there lust
beyond the building 1 saw big flock
Of turkeys. ran across beyond them.
drove them into the tower, and closed
the door. In the middle OF the lecture
there was the most tremendous row
you ever heard. The professor
jumped up with every boy after him
and ran out to see what was the mat
ter. As we got to the door, the rum
pus broke out louder than ever. and
suddenly the air was full Of turkeys
great big turkeys bursting out of the
upper windows of the art CALLER. and
making noise like a whole harvard.
The janitor had tried to drive them ont
Of the tower, but they had run m
stairs into the gallery and on through.
knocking down casts, running pictures
and don't know what all
I'VE caught two of them and ate
them; the rest got away.
Il never confessed=but after that
scene of devastation I felt as If real
" ought to try to do something for
art. The Worlds Work.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-09-17

FULL LEASED WIRE REPORT
OF THE ASSOCIATED SRFSS.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-09-17

Redd-How did you find the fishing up
in the country?
Greene-Ohi same as usual.
Redd-Same as usual?
Greene-Yes, found It same as usual
had to hire a guide.-Yonkers Statesman