Los Angeles herald., 1906-10-01

What girl likes about having a fine
complexion is that most Of her friends
don't.
Smells In oskaIoosa
The reason MIR. Holloway decided to
purchase a second auto was probably
because some of his friends complained
that he had been using a new brand of
gasoline in his other machine, but on
investigation 1t was learned that he
had accidentally run over a skunk out
| in the vicinity of the famous William
Gunton murder.-Oskaoosa Qowa)
| Globe.
Mr. Bryan is quoted as saying Gin
cinnati is the second worst city in the
country. Probably you think he ranked
Pittsburg first, but he didn't. He gave
the wickedness blue ribbon to Phila-
| dephia.
1t would pain Mr.. Roosevelt to be
compelled to run for president again,
says Mr.. Moody 1t would undoubted-
ly give Mr.. Fairbanks pain also.
1t seems the reformed spelling inter-
feres with the phraseology of various
acts of congress. That settles it; you
can't reform congress.
A Missouri farmer has been arrested
for swindling a lawyer. This will serve
to dispel the notion that all Missouri
people have to be shown.
If Taft'S weight would only sink Cuba
about ten feet under water for about
ten minutes, how the situation down
there would clear up!
An automobile college is to be es-
tablished in New York Chairs of
homicide and vivisection will, of course.
| be feature.
General Kuropatkin's enemies ought
to be happy. He has written a book.
The chief drawback to simplifed
spelling is that 1t has found the most
of its friends among the humorists
Jokes on the Chigqers
Conner Davis has a great way of get
| ting joke on the chiggers. He wades
in the grass with his wooden leg and
let's the chiggers burrow.-Topeka
| (Kas) Journal.
More than 500 British school teachers
are coming over to learn the ways of
| the American schoolma am. They must
have heard of her remarkable success
In getting married.
Antonio Congro of Brooklyn had no
bones and lived to be 21. Russell Sage
had fifty million bones and lived to
be 81. Figure 1t out yourself.
Mr.. Rockefeller has denied that he
will loan Russia $100,000,000. In view
Of the fact that he has never been ac-
cused of being feeble-minded, the de-
nial seems superHuous.
The policeman who raided the Spirit
ualsts' meeting in Chicago the other
night missed it by not striking a
happy medium"
1t takes cents to mail leather post
card. Remember this and save the 2
cents.
| John Czernewsk and Anna Tamewicz
| have secured marriage license, but
they have not as yet exhibited an in
clination to advocate spelling reform
Since the women of Lima strewed
flowers in his pathway. Secretary Root
Will no doubt come home with higher
opinion of Lima beans.
How to tell a man from Chicago" is
the subject of a wholly superfluous
editorial in the Chicago Tribune. A
man from Chicago always tells it him
self, as soon as he gets a chance
though why he does this nobody has
ever been able to figure out.
Fall Cleanup
Will Walker brought his mower to
town and cleaned up the street for n
few of his friends.-W Washington Qowa)
Democrat.
The disaster in Valparaiso is even
more horrible than at first believed.
The authorities are compelling every
body to work.
The dentist who charged only 800
for pulling one of Mr.. Rockefeller's
teeth missed his opportunity.
Senator Warner of Missouri who
wears a ~ hat, recently tried in vain
in Washington, New York, Cleveland
and st. Louis to get a fit; but the first
effort in Kansas City was a success.
Kansas City always did have a swelled
head.
Her Feint
Twas when he said--a long delay
| Had intervened-"WilI you
Take pity on lonesome man
And marry me? Pray dor
She keeled right over. Much alarmed
For smelling salts he fed.
He thought at least that she had
swooned.
And feared she might be dead.
But as he left. she quick revived.
And cried; Come backl There ain't
A thing the matter. say 'Yesp"
| 1t simply was feint
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