Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1906-01-25

that fellow with the curly whiskers =
single kopeck," and the bearded wom-
an came back and swatted the claim
agent for calling her a fellow. So
they compromised on 5000, and she
went behind the haystack and put 1t
in her stocking, which convinced the
claim agent that she wasn't a man.
A near-sighted claim agent came to
the haystack where the fat woman
was, and the boss told her now was
her time to have a mess of Mysteries,
so she set up a cry that scared the
agent, who thought there were at
least six women on the haystack,
and he said: What will all you peo-
pie up there on the haystack settle
for in a lump, for l am in a hdrry?"
The fat woman caught on al once,
and said: "We will all settle for s10,-
000." Then she yelled, and the agent
thought her back was broke, and he
offered $500, and she cried and said:
Make it 10000" and the agent said:
81 will go you,' and he made out a
check, and the fat woman had come
more Mysteries.
| had watched the settling all
around, and | told pa to be deaf and
dumb when they came to him, and
Just rcint to the seat of his pants in
front and buttoned up behind, and
look as though he was suffering the
tortures of the inquisition. and let me
20 the talking, and | would make the
old railroad go into a receivers hands.
So pa said: You are the boss" and
be looked sc pitiful that | almost
cried.
When the n~ear-sighted claim agent
came to pa. l told him that pas last
words were to beg to be shot, and
the man looked at pas pants, and then
at his face, and said: What hit him?
That's the worst case | ever saw in
a railroad wreck"
| put my handkerchief to my eyes
and said: well, when the shock came,
pa was all right, as handsome a man
as you would often see. | think there
must have been a pile driver on tina
train that struck him, and changed
sides with him, knocking his stomach
around OF the back side of him, and
placing his spinal column around in
front Of him, where his stomach was,
and causing him to lose the sense of
speech. Think of a middle-aged man
going through life mixed up in that
manner, having to sit down on his
stomach, and having his backbone star
ing him in the face. How does he
know when he takes food in his mouth,
that it can corkscrew itself around
under his arm, and eventually find his
stomach? How a man can be ground
and twisted, and mauled, and stamped
on by a reckless locomotive with a
crazy engineer and a drunken fireman,
rolled over by box cars, and walked
on by elephants, and still live, is
beyond me. AS he told me before he
lost the power of speech, not to be too
hard IN the railroad company, though
some railroads would be glad to pay
him $40, 1000, and no questions asked,
he begged me, as heir to his estate, to
let you off for a paltry 100000"
Pa made up the darndest face, and
groaned. The agent called another
agent, and they whispered together.
and finally the first one came to me
and asked pas full name, and then
the two of them got out a fountain
pen, and they made out a check, and
he said: This is the first case in the
history Of railroad wrecking that the
agent has not had the heart to try to
beat the injured party down, This
is certainly the most pitiful case that
has ever been known, and if your ia
Their ever m to his senses you can
tell him he is welcome to the money"
Gee, but there is all kinds of money
in the circus business. Pa is gong
to wear his pants hind side before TN.
til we get out Of Pittsburg.