Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1906-10-20
WAY TO MANS HEART

| the way to mans heart is through his
stomach" observed Pig Head No. Of the
| Show Me Association.
Most maxims Of any and all nations, are
! projected upon phoniness. founded upon
| fakerino and built upon bogusness. but
this one Is perhaps the most dismal and de-
grading of all the lies that have been
transmitted down the ages by q bunch Of
| adage-scribbling fatheads to an afflicted
posterity. 1t is a maxim that is used
great deal nowadays by those female
writers for the saffron weeklies who think
that their mission in life is to point out the
| superfluousnesS Of man.
| 1.-The Way to Handle a Husband: Feed
the Brute is their version Of it, and tens
Of thousands of women throughout the land
| light upon this sort of junk, and reJoice
| in it exceedingly, and cackle and giggie
over it, and show 1t to their husbands. and.
worst of ALL because the women who sWal-
low this sort Of stuff never think they
| really believe it. But their believing It,
| little man, doesn't make 1t on the level. IL
| only helps lie to stick.
! Il suppose, for example, that Juliet mad
done a whole lot of cooking for Romeo to
arouse him to frenzy of poetic passion
| that is unmatched in history?
ut was the way Cleopatra had, then, OF
| preparing pigs knuckles and onions
| and tripe and hominy, that induced An
! thony to surrender his third OF an empire
| and his life for her?
Paris stole Helen of Troy in the young
days of the world because she had the
knack of tittivating his palate with dyspep-
| sia-dodging victuals, Ell?
"Abelard worshiped the air Hefoise
| breathed because she made it her practlce
to stuff him with good things to eat, yes:
"Paolo idolized Francesca because she
served up continuous performance, , meS nes
of dead-fine marcaroni au gratin to MIN, no !!
| "Pericles found Aspasia the delight OF MS
life because she was there with the pans
| and the skillets and the pots-is that 1t!.
"Er-by the way. did you ever observe
that there quite a few women who are
pretty fond Of good things to eat, tnem-
selves, when it comes to that?
! when the young chap of today wants 70
see his girls eyes light UP he doesnt tel
her that her breath is like Cytherea.s ana
that her laughter is like the tinkling OF
crystal rills flowing adown the emerald
flank of Mount Myhettus. Shed ring a
cow-bell on him II he did that. But he Is
no such chucklehead. Instead, he flashes q
box of mixed chocolates and conserved
fruits on her, and then she stakes him TO
the starry gaze Of night, sable goddess. and
he feels as If he's hitting over 400 and
still going easy.
doesn't endeavor to get additionally en-
rapport by taking her for a walk through
the botanical gardens to see the new col
lection of dahlias Not II ne is q sure
does he. He's there with 1t and he's on the
job, and he asks her how about half a
peck Of steamed oysters. Gertrude. or just
| a little tear-on of Observation-Disclosures
Newburg-idea, and 1 suppose the girl that
hears these alchemic words of invitation
doesn't just pick up her feet and dust along
with him at a lverlier clip, what!
"When the married man who has won
a little bet, and therefore has that velvety
feeling. wants to loosen up bit and show
his wife good little time. does he make his
hit by inviting her to accompany him on a
trip down to Mt. Vernon or to take look
with him at those crayon pictures Of the
aborigines over at the Smithsonian 1nsti-
tuition? Not SO that you could observe 1T 1t
tells her to pin on her hat and come on
down with him to that little rathskeller
place they know about and have about
50 worth of the eats that don't taste so
much like the home brand.
And at II o'clock at night. when that
same married man sort o mellows up with
feeling that the wife Of his bosom is a
pretty fine kind of a girl. after all, does he.
to reward her. take down copy of
Bryant's poems and read 'Thanatopsis to
her? Not any, if the buffets of the chang
Ing years have taught him anything. He
buttons his coat up around his neck. kicks
off his slippers and puts on his sHoes, grabs
the growler, and sinks around the corner,
| where he snags out an armful Of Swiss
| cheese sandwiches and has the large scut-
tie filed with foamy malt, and when he
gets back under the shade of his own fig
tree. does he make hit, and does she make
a noise like a dredge as she wades into
those cheese sandwiches? Ask the mega
phone man up in front-he knows!
Being q winsome and pleasing kind of a
cut-up and take-off, and possessing, as
! do, gay and debOnnair manner. l am per-
mitted to minge up quite large lot with
the society Of married persons L am on
particularly chummy terms with nine mar
ried couples Of various ages. After care
| full observation and calculation, I have
found that all of these nine wives eat just
two times and a third much as their
husbands.
II spent good many years living around
in boarding houses, and l discovered that
house landlady over the things they are
| asked to eat to one man who registers a
| kick for the same reason.
Don't let 'em fool you with these cute
and cunnin', sawed-and-split maxims. little
man. They don't 60 And the Make a
hit with your man by feeding the brute
thing particularly doesn't go.
| II know plenty married men who would
willingly put up with punk. coffee and sog-
gy biscuits and greasy gravy If their wives
would primp up little bit when they, the
husbands are around, and cut out the curl
| paper habit, and flag the sloppy old wrap
pers they wear around, and powder their
noses a bit even when they're not going
out. and sidetrack the foppy old slippers,
their stockings from hanging In folds
around their slipper heels. and sort of
smoke up generally and make some at
tempt to look trig and trim and nice in
| stead of looking frowsy.
I'm pals, too. with quite few married
men who'd eagerly eat bad batter-cakes
and willingly sink their molars in bum
steak If their wives would cut out the nag
ging and the Fostering and the mean sus-
| picion and the cheap sarcasm and that
notwithstanding habit of grouchiness.
| "A Woman's way to a mans heart, son,
isn't through his alimentary Suez, and don't
you ever believe anything like that. I know
plenty of married men who'd be only too
dead-willing to do one of these forty-day
fasts and then to live one punk meal q
day for the balance Of their lives If their
wives would cut out their amazing selfish
ness and extravaganza and cattiness; If
their wives would abandon that curious new
idea that women are not only entitled to
| all of the courtesy and consideration which
is naturally theirs, but to all of the privi-
leges and prerogatives Of their husbands
and all other men folks weIl.''
A Fruitarian Diet.
From the Westminster Review.
fruitarian diet consists Of the fruit of