The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1906-09-30
''HOOI MON

IL is the open season LOT DOCK agents.
When the frost is nearing the pumpkin
hooks, then the book agent energies
from his lair with sample copies Of
some rare works of art. They are
slightly damaged, Of course, in the
binding, but for that fact would sell
for $50. But now you can have them
for $38, SO cents down and SO cents
quarter as long as you live; delivery
now or at Christmas, your wife 8 birth
day or the anniversary of your great
aunt going out on a steamboat ride for
the first time. On any terms you
choose to name those books are yours.
" u
How would you like to receive let
ter from Armour running like this:
Dear Sir: We have some hams
slightly damaged in the manufacture.
We have not opened the canvas for
three years, and don't know whether
hanson second thought they may be
Normans-but whatever they are
they're yours at two-thirds off. The
canvas cost more than that Shall we
book you for 200 hams at once, as the
rush for these bargains threatens to be
get left9' ~.
Makers Of ham seem to have a hest
tation about advertising damaged
goods, but it is different with books.
If the bind is little off socially, or
the contents little tinged morally,
they are expected to go like hot cakes.
A few days ago there appeared a no.
tice of some volumes Of humor which
Mark Twain, Andrew Lang and some
other serious-minded men are editing.
The reviewer took occasion to comment
on the appearance of the name "Thom-
as'' Watson over several pages de-
voted to the writings of Ian MacLaren.
The reviewer thought it was mistake
as MacLaren is the nom de plume of
John watson respectable, retired
clergyman. But can we be sure it was
an error7 Perhaps it is only scheme
to food the land with works of humor
at enormously reduced prices, because
name" Most people would overlook
the Thomas Watson, and if the price
were reduced on that account, they
would be apt to say that they didn It
| care if it was William Watson or Hen
ry Watson, they didn It care especially
for Watson anyhow.
r. "-* 500
= A little girl was reciting her geogra-
ply lesson the other day at father 8
knee. She was glibly running off the
| names OF mountain ranges and catalog
ing the volcanoes they contained when
father interrupted the flow of elo-
quence with question. "What is a
volcano?' he asked.
"a volcano-a volcano-a volcano is
thing that goes up, zip, like that,'
and she illustrated the definition. It
was graphic and probably as correct
as somebody's else idea about volca-
no. A good many men have worked
| never learned what they are. They
work always in the hope that the vol
cano will go zip on their day off.
There is wonderful fascination about
volcanoes They are like the bad hab-
it; one fools with them until he loses
consciousness and falls in. Then they
furnish us with some Of our striking
illustrations. Hades is often likened
| to a volcano. Not long ago man
travelling in the west came to a town
where he was to do business with a
certain man, and being somewhat anx-
ious to learn who he was going to deal
with, asked the hotelkeeper fsWhat
kind of a man is Mr.. B. Of your
town9N s:z: q n ..s,s,..->.,s..
- He is this kind Of. man. said the
boniface.z !" While he wouldn't 20
plumb to hell for a nickel, he would
fell in. - - : -
The stranger was satisfied that he
would have to do business with B. on
a cash basis. 49,.
u.s. Il Rn5 might haze been nizsuagsd
been misjudged. Everybody has heard
about Judge Jefreys, because he was
unfortunate enough to have Macaulay
for his press agent, and Macaulay has
made it pretty plain he was not the
kind of man you would like to meet on
a dark side street. Now, it is claimed
that Macaulay, a lawyer himself, was
led away by his prejudices and did JEFF
freys a monstrous injustice in his his
tory. There never was such Jeffreys
as Macaulay depicts, roaring, swear.
ing knave,. intimidating witnesses, try:
Ing both sides of the case and rushing
innocent folks off to the block in a
evidence against them. Fortunate for
Jefreys the record in the most import.
ant cases he tried has been preserved
IN the State Trials and an examination
of these tends to show that Jeffreys
according to his lights and making al
lowance for the fact that he was a goo6
Halter, made a very fair judge. It is
not pretended that he was either a. high
minded or virtuous man. But the
truth about him lies as usual some
where to the lee side Of the report OF
his enemies. -
His fame is in somewhat the same
predicament of the reputation of mar
who runs for an office. If all thu
things said about him by those wht
would rather some one else held the of
flee were published as his official bi
! ography, his family would set the dos
on him when he came home, HISTORY
has been setting it's dogs on Jeffrey
d for two centuries and only now are til,
qualifying facts coming out.
Arthur moved into a new flat. n,
moved in before it. was finished, 81,
knew that, but he did not know tina
the builder was genius. He did no
know that after he had moved and hi
wife had set the parlor furniture in th
, corners she favored, and they had hun,
their curtains that the builder woul,
take. out all the windows and begi,
putting in the weights. Neither al,
they know, that after the woodwork
was painted and the paper hung al
the walls would be punctuated wit
), gas pipes. These things have han
! pened and the workmen are only ms
) making a good beginning. The ofhe
morning hubby and wifey were a
breakfast, when iron pipes began +
+. make their way thru the floors at va
: rlous points. Hubby called wifey