davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Virginia citizen. (Irvington, Va.) 1891-1921, 1906-07-13
In MEMORIAM.
These are my lambs" said He,

protection they shall ind In me-"
In loving remembrance of dear little
Leslie. only child of r. J. and S. A.
Haynie, who died Sunday, June "a,
1906, after few days illness of cholera
infantum. He was only two years and
one month old. but he had lived long
enough, thought the Celestial Gardner,
to be transplanted into the Heavenly
fold. Although we know that our loss
Is his gain, yet we mourn for his sweet
smiles and prattling voice which we had
learned to listen for. His little body was
laid to rest at Corinth church, Rev. E.
F. Garner conducting the services.
Darling Leslie has left us,
Left US, yes, forever more;
Hut we hope to meet our loved one
On that bright and happy shore.
This lovely bud. so young, so fair.
Called hence by early doom,
Just came to show how sweet a flower
In Paradise would bloom.
Ere sin could harm or sorrow fade
Death came with friendly care,
The opening bud TO Heaven conveyed
And babe 1t blossom there.
Our home Is sad without Leslie,
As the hours pass slowly by,
But we hope ere long TO meet him
In that happy homo on high.
More and more each day we miss him.
While every morn we rise with care;
But we know his soul is anchored
Within the throne of angels there.
We are lonely without thee, Leslie,
Seldom now do we rejoice
Oft IN sadness now we languish,
Since no more we hear your voice.
Dear little Leslie. we miss thee so.
All through the day. where're we go;
All through the night, how lone 1t seems.
No little Leslie wakes us from our dreams
But 'Blest be the Tie that binds''
Little Otis and Leslie together.
And, oh, the lonely spots We find
Around the home to father and mother.
We miss thee all through the weary no urs.
We miss thee as some do the sunshine and
flowers,
Day time and night, where're VIC go,
Dear little Leslie, we miss thee so.
PAPA AND MAMMA.
Coan, Va.
memory of ourdarling little Harry,
who departed this life the 9th of July,
1905. (Son of Mr.. and Mrs. S. A.
Whitaker.)
Dear little Harry, thou hast left us forever,
And flown to the Heavenly Shore.
Thou hast Joined with the hosts of angels
And art happy forevermore.
IT'S here we must bear our sorrow,
Though it is bitter pain,
Bat we have blessed promise
That we shall meet again.
Oh. how we miss the prattling tongue.
The busy little feet,
That little form so dear to US,
And thy breath, warm upon our cheeks
Dear Father In Heaven
Look on US and help us our cross to bear,
And prepare us to meet our loved ones
Who are living In peace over there.
BY PAPA AND MANA.
Hopeside, Va.
Virginia citizen. (Irvington, Va.) 1891-1921, 1906-07-13

We have on file thousands OF testi-
monials like the ones given here. We
can give our readers only n slight
glimpse OF tho vast array OF unsolicited
endorsements we are constantly re-
ceiving. No other physician IN the
world has received such q volume Of
enthusiastic letters of thanks as DR..
artman for PerunA-
Virginia citizen. (Irvington, Va.) 1891-1921, 1906-07-13
THE VELVET WORKER

This new discovery in small tablets,
easily taken, and they are packed in
watch-shape bottles which fit the vest
pocket. The tablet is mild, all vege-
table, never gripes or INJURIES the most
delicate organs. But it does the work {!
So naturally and soothingly they stim-
ulate, regulate and strengthen that
they have been nicknamed "The Little
Velvet Workers.
Don't shuttle along with this great
burden! Be healthy, be strong, be
happy.
Virginia citizen. (Irvington, Va.) 1891-1921, 1906-07-13
Z RE

To any reader of the VIRGINIA CITIZEN
who sends us his or her name and ad-
dress with five stamps to cover postage
expenses we will at once mail a full
size Is cent bottle Of Virginia Velvets
the wonder worker that cures. Not
sample, mind, but full-size Is cent
bottle. Let us prove it to you. Write
today. Address,
Virginia citizen. (Irvington, Va.) 1891-1921, 1906-07-13

of SUFFERING
from Female Diseases doing nothing
give my extensive expe.
nce.--S NJ
Virginia citizen. (Irvington, Va.) 1891-1921, 1906-07-13
THE MORE THE LESS

THE more you take the less you need
until you need none-for you are cured.
My effort all along was to avoid the
evil of the ordinary remedy which
pampers organs already weak and so
makes the patient slave to the pill
habit. Observation-Disclosures expects
every organ to do its duty"
Physicians have long recognized the
fact that constipation is at the bottom
Of nearly every disease. 1t saps all
energy, and makes life a burden; it
opens the doors to all evil germs and
makes the body too weak to resist
them.
Virginia citizen. (Irvington, Va.) 1891-1921, 1906-07-13
The Blackstone School for Girls.

Moio thorough Instruction under Positive Christian
The Aim AT Blackstone make of the girls healthy
helpful happy
Aids Modern Brick BuiIdlnU lights
ON every floor campus of % acres faculty 80,
trained in the best schools all living In building
the girls; unusual advantages in music normal de.
partment for the training OF teachcrss
cheerful wholesome Christian influence.
sres.e % continuous extraordinary growth om
300 boaders in ten years. place taken every year
total enrolment last session $780, (2 of young
ladies and their enthusiastic Witnesses.
90 Nearly hundred applications rejected
lack O
" and Applica tionB lanL.a
JAS. CANNON. Jr., M. A., Principal.
BLACKSTONE. VIRGINIA
areof the
Virginia citizen. (Irvington, Va.) 1891-1921, 1906-07-13
FREE E.
To Every Reader Of the Virginia Cit.
zens one fuII.size Package Of
VIRGINIA VELVETS.
The Velvet Secret Is Free to you
The Longer the Lesser-A
Wonderful Discovery.

The Longer the Lesser-A
Wonderful Discovery.
After many years of study and prac-
tice prominent Virginia physicians has
discovered the cure for all forms of
Constipation. 1t is called in his honor
Virginia Velvets." al do not mean, -
said the Virginia Doctor to several of
his colleagues announcing his success
that this fake cure-all, guaranteed
to cure everything from pimples to
paralysis, neither do mean just an
other pill which breeds the pill habit;
my remedy is a cure for one thing-a
toning the digestive organs SO that they
perform their natural functions. 1t
restores them all to health and strength,
relieves Immediately and in a short
time cures Constipation and Liver
troubles.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-03-17
A WIDOWS INCONSISTENCY.
TBy NJ. Quad.l

Before shutting off this mortal coil,
Farmer Henderson confded to Farmer
Jones his belief that the widow he
should leave behind him would have an
offer of marriage before her year Of
mourning was out. She was thirty-dve.
reasonably gOOd-lOOking, and what was
termed out in the country smart as a
whip, just as if a whip was smarter
than saddle or bride
Farmer Henderson hit the nail on
the head. His widow employed a hired
man to run things and she hadn't been
a widow five months when he quit hoe
ing potatoes one day to come up from
the field and make her an offer of mar
riage. She Indignantly ordered him to
pack up and move along, and before
night he was gone, though he went
away saying:
need get mad and bounce q feller out
of his job jest because he happens to
ask her to marry him
Hired man No. 2 was told to take
warning by the fate Of No. 1. and he
restrained his love until one day after
her wear of mourning was up He
might have hung on two or three days
more. as he was a great hanger, espe-
cially on to a boiled dinner, but some
thing happened to cause him to give
himself away. The widow had bought
a new COW, and the COW turned out to
be a kicker. When she had knocked
the hired man off the milk stool three
times in succession. and he was run
ming for fence rail- to pound her to
Jelly, the widow came out to the barn
yard and said
Its all your fault. Joe. I can milk
that COW night and morning for year,
and she will never stir a hoof.
You nor no other wilder woman on
the face Of the earth can do it,"
shouted the man.
For answer she took the pail and
stool and sat down. She had been
milking for five minutes. and was just
about to look around with a smile of
superiority on her face when the cows
right leg shot out like the piston rod Of
an engine, and the widow and the pail
and the stool went end over end and
brought up against the fence.
Joe ran over to pick the woman up
and saw something about her smart
ness. but she was unconscious. Then
he dropped down on his knees and
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-03-17

"Get hump on your shouted one
of the sons.
"Or youH be taken with that tired
feeling!7 added the other.
Mr.. Bowser trotted along. He hated
to be driven, but he felt that wood
chucks and rabbits awaited him fur
Their on. The farmer kept calling on
him to step lively until he climbed a
fence and reached a highway. and then
the affair was over.
Half mile further down the road
the Nimrod found a farmer chopping
wood at his gate, and he sat down on a.
log and entered into conversation, but
not before the chopper had warned
him
Now then, you cant sell me no gold
bricks nor talk me into life insurance,
and you needn't waste your breath a
trying
MY dear man. I am no faker, re-
plfed Mr. BoWser II came out here
an argument with a man named Green
the other day"
you look ike a windy sort Of man.
Thanks. but 4 want to ask you a
question or two, and shan't pick your
pocket while you are answering You
have seen woodchuck, Of course %
"A few"
Then you know that when a wood
chuck walks or runs he crosses his
forelegs What does he do it for?
claim he did. Might as well say that
you crossed your feet when walking.
Where in thunder did you git that idea
from ?"
Y on simply haven't observed the ami
NAL. Another question: Why does a
rabbit run faster in a circle than
straight away?"
He don't"
But I claim that he does"
Then you are a bigger fool than I
thought at first. VIII a barrel Of cider
! roll faster in a circle than straight
ahead?"
what has a barrel of cider got to
do with it!7 shouted Mr.. Bowsers as he
got hot.
ITS got everything to do with it.
and don't you yell at me that way. If
you are spying around to see where my
hens roost at night I can tell you that
I keep two big bear traps for such fell
lers as you"
Mr.. Bowser had opened his mouth to
1 answer when q wagon came along and
four men jumped out. One was the
farmer he met on the car-the others
the old man and his two sons.
Jim" called the old Z an to the
chopper, this Teller here with gun
probably belongs to that gang of COW
thieves in town. and we are going to
run him in Come on and help"
They didn't run him in. but they ran
him two miles across fields and through
woodland before they ceased pursuit.
From then on Mr.. BoWser was dead to
the woodchuck and the rabbit world
At 10 o'clock at night he unlocked his
own front door to find Mrs. Bowser
sitting up for him.
Glow about the woodchuck and his
crossed fore-Iegs?" she asked.
He made no reply.
do rabbits run faster to port or
starboard than straight ahead %
He dumped upstairs without SEEM
ing aware Of her existence. and with
out a whisper about divorce Copy
right. 1906. by F. c. ParceIIs.)
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-03-17

begged her to come back to earth for
his sake He loved her like a mad
Niagara, and couldn't like without her
He seized her hand and pressed it, and
in his emotion he even went so far as
to print a kiss on her marble brow.
But 1t was one kiss only. While he
was puckering his mouth for a second
one the widow awoke from her solar
plexus blow and rose up and kicked
him harder than the COW had kicked
her.
Woman, is this the way you return
my love?" demanded Joe, as she
paused for breath.
She informed him that 1t was. and
that his wages would be ready for him
at sunrise, and when sunrise came he
took his bundle under his arm, ana
started out into the cold world to hunt
another job.
A third hired man took his place. He
knew OF the fate Of his predecessors,
and yet not two months had gone by
when he put his foot into the same
bear-trap. He had fallen in love at
first sight, but had been very careful
not to show it. His suspenders held
him until one day he got a third drink
Of hard cider, and then he tried to take
the widows hand and tell his love. He
got the hand against one of his sun
burned ears. He also got the bounce.
When hired man No. 4 brought his
trunk, the Widow Henderson decided
to leave nothing to chance She looked
him square in the eye and said:
Il want no nonsense. The minute
you begin to play the fool, III begin to
bounce you. I am hiring you for a
hired man, and not for husband
You refer to the men who have de-
parted 2' Queried the man, whose name
was Tom Parker, and who neither
looked nor acted like the average hired
man.
Yes. sir do
They were idiots enough to fall in
love with you, 1 understand %
Il don't know as there was anything
so idiotic about their falling in love
with me- answered the widow, a bit
provoked but I want no such tornfool
nonsense"
And you shall have none from me.
I wouldn't marry the best woman that
ever sQuinted up her eyes to thread
darning needle"
The widow had set out to tell the
new hired man what was what, and
when she came to think it over she
couldn't figure that she had got the best
of it. He knew his business as hired
man and attended to it. While he was
of the family, he was not with it. He
kept to himself as much as possible,
and while respectful and willing, he
was quite formal. The widow stood it
for a couple Of weeks and then began
to feel piqued over it. The only one she
had TO consult with was her hired girl,
and one day she said to her:
Don't you think the new hired man
a queer acting fellOw?"
Hes very stand-onish. I see He
hasn't asked me two questions since
he came. and can't remember that he
has answered one. except about the
work
THE others used to ask you about
me. didn't they?" querfed the widow.
"a hundred questions
''And they said I was smart and
good looking?"
They were forever saying so, and
cant understand about Thomas. as he
make me call him
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-03-17
Begged Her to Come Back to Eearth
for His Sake.

The widow couldn't either. She
wanted no marriage proposals, but she
did want to feel that she was of some
account in a hired mans eyes It
miffed her to find that Parker treated
her as indifferently as the Well-pole,
though with the greatest respect, and
that he preferred to sit in his own room
of an evening rather than enjoy her So
ciety in the family room. She discov-
cred that he was better educated than
she was. had good business ideas, and
that he could beat her all hollow at
buying and selling. She had a rag
to chew, and she chewed it for many
long weeks She had threatened to
and now she was mad because he
hadn't.
AS she cheewed she found herself ad-
miring and liking, and one day when
she was churning the butter, it came
over her all at once that she was &C
tually in love. Butter went Up to forty
cents a pound in sixty seconds. and the
hired girl found the widow blushing
like girl Of sixteen. When the butter
had come and been poured out Of the
churn- the blushtng woman walked out
on the veranda, where Parker sat
sharpening an AK and walking Up to
him she asked:
DO YOU really think those other men
were idiots7"
For falling in love with you ?" he
asked without raising his eyes.
yves"
Wen. perhaps not"
Ou--yOu mean
81 mean this" said Tom as he rose
I'd and kissed her Copyright. 1905.
by P. c. Eastment.)
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-03-17

wanting a place to slide down hill on
VIII be gwen low figures and all the
time they want to pay it in. Precipices
and grizzly bears go in with the real
estate in every case. In writing US,
say whether you want a squat or q
towering mountain, as we keep both
kinds in stock.
1t Is now four weeks since we char
acterized ex-Judge Shoemaker as a
charlatan, a swindler and a liar, and
since he announced in reply that he
would shoot US on sight. and yet not q
gun has been fred. Can It be that the
judge is a buffer, or has he so many
cares on hand that he has forgotten
us2 He knows that we are always
ready and willing to accomm odate.
Three or four weeks ago we stated
on what we considered good authority
that Mr.. Henry Miller. the hardware
man, and strangely enough, the only
business man in town not advertising
with the Kicker. had laid himself
liable to proceedings in bigarny- We re-
greet to learn that we have done good
man a great injustice. The Miller with
three wives is Tom Miller, OF the Black
Dog saloon. and he says he doesn't care
a copper who knows it. Mr.. Henry
Miller has never had but one wife. we
hasten to say and we also call atten-
ton to his liberal and Interesting sd in
this issue Copyright 1906, by z. c.
Parcells.)
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-03-17

Thou, Thou Art the King, GaBped the
Peasant as He Fen on His Knees.
but when he had climbed the fence and
at the top Of his voice. A peasant came
running and asked what was the trou-
BILE
why. these internal plants are
sticking knives into mel" was the re-
ply
in?"
ITO get catnip for my cats"
idiot dost not know catnip from
nettlest I viii help thee out=but
VIII also call thee a. fool"
fSee here, Reuben" said the king,
when he had ceased to smart. do you
know who I am?
"Thou-thOu art the king!" gasped
the peasant as he fell on his knees
you've hit it. You've also called
me a fool"
Mercy. o Illustriousi'
you said I was an idiot for not
knowing catnip from nettles.'
II did. but spare my lifei"
You said was a. fool for crOwding
my way in before I could find out.
Mercy! Mercy"
For speaking diSrespe ctfully of your
King you are sentenced to death, but
as your King made an ass Of himself,
he pa-rd0ns you. Now, then, take this
coin and dust around and find me some
of the real thing, and If you ever men
ton that fell over a fence or that you
had to climb up a. tree to help me down
you won't live an hour after hear
Of it, Copyright, 1906, by B. Reed.)
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-03-17

What right have you on this land. I
say?" demanded the old man.
Why, cant say that I have any
legal right. but as 1 told you I came
out to post myself little on natural
history. I don't see why you should
object to me walking across your land. -
.Oh. you don't Perhaps you
wouldn't object if came into town
and walked around in your backyard
Stranger. I don't like the looks of your
mug. If you amt a bad man, then I
never saw one. If you hain't off my
land in five minits III put you OFF,
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-03-17

with that old enemy OF the race. Constf-
patton, often ends in appendicitis To
avoid all serious trouble with stomach
liver and bowels. take Dr. Kings New
Life Pills. They perfectly regulate these
organs without pain or discomfort q
Kansas avenue
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-03-17

During the last six months we have
been compelled to foreclose chattel
mortgages on three saloons one gro
Gerry and one pOker. parlOr, and we ex-
pect to include a. gun-shop and an I'M
dertaking esta blishment next week.
President Roosevelt thinks he knows
something about the strenuous life, but
he's only an amateur.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-03-17

Owing to a slight NEUTRALITY-SUSPICIOUS.
of the rules of Cushing's Manual. ac-
cepted as a guide by our common coun-
ell, five aldermen were shooting at each
other at one and the same time at the
last meeting. We are happy to an
nounce, however, that nobody was hit,
and that they all drank together be-
fore going home.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-03-17

States still survives and we were never
in better health, thank you. Having
got rid of his fit of sTnartness. we hope
the shooter feels better.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-03-17
ARIZONA KICKLETs.
Things Out West Keep Going Right
Along.

One marriage and three Opponents
is the social record for the Gulch for
the last month We are slowly but
surely creeping toward civilization.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-03-17

taxes must consequently be increased
to aid in sprinkling the royal gardens"
UNI Suppose it should turn out to
be q wet season. p
The taxes would sim be increased.
We should want more cash to help as
pump the dampness out of our cucum-
Der hills
.Illustrieus. said the Prime Minister
as he bent his knee in humility Il
thought I could ride a bike backwards
over q brush fence, and get more circus
lemonade for a nickel than any other
man could for fifteen cents, but I take
off my hat to you.
Then the idea strikes you as a good
one2"
sTt's a Acknowledgment idea, Illus
trious."
And sure to work?"
Dead sure"
Then al right You may lend me
$500 until the new taxes are collected.
and in case L don't happen to think of
it then, just mention it to the cook, win
your"
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-03-17

Old Bill Williams, the mighty MINI
rod, has sent US a grizzly bear to express
his good viii. The animal viii be kept
in a cage in the rear OF the office, and
those who fool with him win do so at
their own peril.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-03-17

THE KING AND THE PEASANT.
One day the King escaped from his
keepers and took a stroll out into the
country. and as he walked along he
thought of the Royal Cats in the palace.
and decided to Gull some catnip for
them After looking about for a spell
he observed a large patch of what he
thought was the real stuff in a field,
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-03-17

Our esteemed contemporary Is out
with an article this week in which it is
claimed that we had to fee from In
diana for numbering an uncle of ours
and that highway robbery and arson
are the least of our crimes. Send in
your orders at once, If you want copies,
as his circulation is limited to $50.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-03-17

We own 20, 600 acres Of desert land
in this territory. and any one wanting
to go into the business of raising rat
tlesnakes and cactus this spring will
please communicate with US. We are
willing to grant very favorable terms,
and viii throw a tribe or two of In
dams in to boot.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-03-17

1t may look rather blunt in US to call
Major Williams a liar. but when he says
that he saw two hundred thousand
jack abbits in travelling over the coun-
try distance of three miles the other
day we think his case should be
promptly disposed of. AS the major
has been owing US ten dollars borrowed
money for the last two years, and re-
fuses to square up, we Furthermore de-
nOunce him as IN unhung villain.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-03-17

Some one fired eighteen bullets into
the Dostofice door the other night
soon after midnight, but the United
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-03-17

Colonel Clay and Jim Murdoch got to
disputing about the Monroe Doctrine
on the street the other day, and as
neither knew what he was talking
about the result was a shooting af-
fray. in which a hundred dollar mule
received a bad wound. It's no wonder
that congress persistently refuses to
recognize Arizona as a part Of America.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-03-17

To put at rest certain rumors that
are making certain folks half-siek, we
make the statement that we shall be
the next mayor of the GuIch. and
shall also continue to hang on to the
postmastership. Any one who thinks to
the contrary. can call on US during Of
fee hours.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-03-17


Look here. Mac" said the King one
day, as he and his Prime Minister were
walking in the garden among the Gu
cumbers. I'm about dead broke If
any Of the boys should drop in and wans
to play a game of poker, I'd have to
claim that I had headache"
Yes, the royal treasury is without 4
scudi sighed Mac
And what are we going to do?"
Dunno. unless we can strike a so to
shot"
well, T know. I'm going to issue a
royal edict that the coming season IS
going to be a very dry one, and that