Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1906-12-13

Fut-lRI
Policeman Barney Flynn was griev-
ously troubled by a youth of the name
of Horatio Mann. Horatio was a we'll
meaning young fellow, but he had er-
roneous ideas. He had read dime
novels until he had become imbued
with the idea that a detective Is the
greatest of created beings, and it was
his ambition to be one. Hence his adj
miration for Flynn. He had heard
stories of the policeman's prowess, and
he haunted him. He wanted to know
all about his methods and his exploits.
and more than all else he wanted the
policeman to get him a position on the
force or with some detective agency.
81 know I'm just made for a detec-
tive" he said frequently. "All my in
c~linations lie in that direction, and l
revel in mystery"
1t will be seen from this that Horatio
spoke reasonably correct English. In
deed, he had had a fair education, the
only trouble being that it had not
worked in" However, as Policeman
Flynn once remarked, "a ma-an can
get book-l'arnin' amy time iv his life,
but t is not with sinse, FIR sinse do
be a nach'ral gift" Horatio had the
book-learning, but he lacked the
sense, and this it was that made him
so annoying to the policeman. He
could not be persuaded that the life
of a detective was not one long ro-
nance, filled with DISCUSSES, thrilling
adventures and fabulous rewards. He
would make himself up in the most
wonderful and o%utlandish way, and
then drop in on Flynn to ask if that
would not fool the cleverest ~t"crook."
Later he amused himself by shadow
ing people in the neighborhood, and
writing out reports of his work"
which he submitted to Flynn for ap-
proval or criticism.
"Ye wa-ant me FIR to help We to be a
daytictive?" said Policeman Flynn to
him one day. "M-m-m, well'-draw-
ing his hand over his chin in the old
familiar way-'T1l tell we what I'll do
f'r We. I'll give We tn polls ixamina-
ton an see how we come out. IT Is not
ye-er pla-an FIR to star-art in as a
,~pathrolman, Nv coorse?"
"Oh, no." answered the youth. 81
feel that my talents are above that"
1T is what | supposed" said Po-
1iceman Flynn. 9TH woods is full Nv
la-ads like you. Some iv thin wa-ants
to be prisidint iv a r-railroad, some iy
thin wa-ants to be editor iv a news
pa-aper, some Nv thin wa-ants to be
gin'ral manager Nv amy oil business
that's big enough, but most iv then
wa-ants to be day-tictives. Amy way
We put it, they can do betther than tn
fellies that's doin' tn work. %
But t is a shtrange thing to me tina
tn min that's maxim na-ames FIR thin
silves at tn top is niver tn vans tina
sta-arted in up there. Did we i've
think iv that?"
moo, 1 can't say that l did" reptile,
the youth.
'Iv coorse not" said Policeman
Flynn, IAN We w'u'd MT think tn
r-rule was FIR We If We did. T is no
nicissary in ye-er ca-ase. Ye're to
sma-art. Well, mebbe so. Well thr
it on. livery la-ad that wants to be
day-tictive has to be Examined, an II
put a few QUESTIONS to We. Suppose y
was in cha-arge Nv tn day-tictiv
work. an a big burglary was CON
mitted, what w'u'd We do?"
HrtJ Joa1y fnu n nI,,a arcoy1ro
Horatio, promptly and confidently.
Il can see We doin It," asserted Pr
liceman Flynn with a chuckle. 81 ca
see we goin' through tn pla-ace, al
Iookin' wise, an gettin' down on YET
knees FIR to Examine a bit iv mt
through a magnifyin'-glass, an thi
goin' out an measurin' tn thracks
tn mud with a fut-rule. | can he;
we saying, This great crime wi
committed be a ma-an with a large f
an a nail shtickin' out iv wan she
'T is only NECESSARY now FIR to find t
shoe an artist tn ma-an.' Ohio! We
ma-ake a gr-reat day-tictive, FIR sure
is not that what you'd do?" ask,
Horatio.
I'm not ta-alkin' iv what I'd dc
returned Policeman Flynn. II
ta-alkin' Nv what tn gr-reat day-tt
tive does. II We was a r-real day-t
tive an had this work. FIR to do, y,
go to tn pla-ace an LUX wise, an IL
ye d go back an ordher tn dhrag-r
put out. livery ma-an that c'u'd ha-a
done 1t an lots that c'u'd MT w'u'd
brought in an"
Arrested" interrupted Horatio.
"F'r sure" replied Policeman Fly
"But what right would you have
arrest people against whom you had
e~vidence?"
Who's ta-alkin' Nv rlghts?' rotor
Policeman Flynn. I'm ta-alkin' Nv
wa-ays Nv polls day-tictives, an
don't want We fr to be botherin'
with ye-er fool QUESTIONS. Ye'd ha-;
thin all brought in, an ye'd kan
thin an ma-ake thin prove they '
mt TIL vans, an sift 1t down till y
got 1t bechune a few Nv thin. T.
lmebbe ye'd la-and ye'er ma-an throl
some wan tellin' on him SOS to k
fright with ye, or mebbe some II
on tn outside w'u'd tip 1t on to We
ye,d give him a little more shwi
Ohio! they's lots ~ wa-ays w
tin, at th' fac's without tra-acin
rr-rime up. That used to be tn
way, but 7 III but " date. First
out Who did It an thin artist him
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