Rural Retreat times. [volume] (Rural Retreat, Va.) 1892-1918, 1906-12-07
THE BANNER MAN"
Says The Bustle ia Headed
This Way.

IllO w
I See from the most reliable fashion
papers that my old friend and former
schoolmate, the hustle. is to return once
more. [ started from Paris several
months ago and made its appearance
New York few weeks later. just when
1t will lay "waiste" Crawtish Valley is
not COW known. It may arrive in time
to help gather the huckleberry crop and
it may not At any rate, we may expect
it here by next soap making time. En
thusists on the subject say it will be on
hurricane deck by Christmas and take
IA hand with the girls coasting (sliding)
down the hill. That won't do, for I
know enough about the hustle to state
positively that it never engages III such
Sfivo,ou5 spolt. The hustle is solemn
thing. so solemn that it often strikes ter
ror 10 thehcart and Plus and other things
TO the body. 1t is true it likes girls how
would it do to say it is "stnck" on them
but DO selfrespecting store hustle will
over be caught sliding down hill with
Il girl on three cornered fence rail. Not
much. my honey Lula. The truth is girls
and bust]es don't, "cut much ice"
fegAiher.
am a friend to the hustle. I was
ssisa6 up with one. love it with all of
It's hs;,owel (uot hollow associations;
especially its associations. stood BY it
through thick and thin--I mean on thick
and thin when you couldn't tell which
was the hustle and which was the grl to
save your gizzard. / was the first to
write an obituary on its death and | am
the first to kick up my heels atits resur
Fection.
1t takes bad man to sit down on the
hustle, but it doesn't take bad woman
to sit on one The hustle isn't wicked
thing. Some people hold that It is full
OF guile and steel blue cussedness. but
they can't prove it. They claim that it
leads giddy girls down the brond and
narrow path and keeps their thoughts
fixed upon the vain and perishable pro
Guce Of earth, but that is all campaign
lie. / tell you, many of those girls would
BE threading the wine press alone" who
are now supporting husband had it not
been for the bustle. Many Il bloodless
female caricature who is now eng )Ylng
the luxury of planting her cold clammy
feet IN the small of her husbands back,
would be wildly clutching the midnight
air, dreaming of thee. Charlie.
e will be small affair at first, inyisi
bic in North America TO the naked eye,
but will gradually grow larger as the
mellow summer days and woody bundle
bees go sizzing by.
The hustle was demonetized about ten
years ago and the corset made the only
standard. The latest statistics show that
the matrimonial market has steadily de-
Glined FROM that day to this. A few blue
eyed girls with yellow hair aad black
s,ed girls with black cat hair are get
ting off at fair prices, but the browns
aud the grizzly grays are being fly blown.
this matter Suppose the women OF
America had to wait until the hustle was
adopted by the bellies of Zululand when
do Won suppose TIE dav of their deliver.
ance would com.? In The language OF
William j.. Bryan--you probably have
heard OF him-you shall not press down
upon the bangs Of tho girls this crown
Of s,itepoke feathers; you shall not cru
ctfy womankind upon hax-break. zap
plause on the Crawfish Valley side).
Que great thing about the hustle rs
that it does not come high, Most all
good things do, but this is one exception
TO the general rule. A good store hustle
with all the extra attachments ought to
BE purchased FOR two spring chickens.
Girls whose brothers own a controlling
interest 10 baseball catcher'ssmask are
right IN the swim. II takes very little
3rain work to- convert a mask into /
hustle. X lutle tsnng down and soft
eripg Of the sxpsessiou is all that is re
duired. Liver pads il properly inflatec
make good ones, too. fwish to say be
lore / foTgetiit that EhaSe number o
,sood pads d. hanl which never beei
ID on any osss . iiver and which Evil
is tins right parties ~ sacritics
Ihose Who prefer il can iave them alt
sasl iesaariaee. 0ianeg spa lssrs max