The Lexington dispatch. [volume] (Lexington, South Carolina) 1870-1917, 1906-08-15

man walked III at lue lIOut uooi.
he was a strawberry man in search
of q customer. He had only announced
that he had large and luscious berries
at the lowest price known for years
when Mr.. Bowser shouted at him:
"Get out of here, you fool! Can't
YOU see what trouble I've got on
hand|'
Il can see that you are trying to kill
that kid" replied the peddler. AN old
man like you ought to know better
than to hold him suspended by one leg
like that"
"Get out with your
ooh, I'll get out, but don't you think
you have heard the last Of this. There's
q law to cover such cases as this. l
could tell you how to stop his yelling
in one minute, but I'll be hanged if
do.'
Mr.. Bowser danced the child before
a mantel mirror. It was an Insult
promptly resented.
He ran with it up to the piano and
swept his fingers over the keys. The
baby kept time to the discord.
From a back window he called on
the cat to come in for heavens sake
and have his tail pulled and break up
the monotony, but the feline refused
to bulge.
Then he got his presence Of mind.
The most cantankerous infant ever
born can be quieted- by a lump OF
sugar. Young Taylor was deposited
on the divan while his protector hus-
tied downstairs for the sugar bowl.
Had the cook been home she could
have given him some useful hints un-
der the head Of how to care for young
children, but it was her afternoon out.
Gave Baby Some Sugar.
It was granulated sugar that Mr..
Bowser brought up and filled the ba-
by's mouth with. 1t was good stuff,
but his action was taken amiss. The
baby choked and spluttered and cough
ed. and when his mouth was free once
more he made up for lost time. His
yells brought in a pedestrian, rolly
poly man of thirty, who timidly ad-
vanced with hat in hand and said:
81 heard the infant screaming as,
passed, and I stepped in to see if
should call a DOCTOR"
doctor be hangedr' yelled Mr.. Bow
ser at him. "What want just now is
crow5ar. Do you know anything
about children? ?'
Having never married, can't say
that do"
whats he yelling about?"
.sDon't all children yell when they
want to? It seems as if once heard
my mother say that that was the case"
''Then go home to your mother and
have her say something elser
1Yeth. thir; thirtingly, thir," lisped
rolly poly as he went.
For forty long and never ending
minutes Mr.. Bowser sweat his collar
and forgot the number Of states in the
Union. He cooed and cussed. he SYM
pathized and swore, he bounced and
tossed and dangled, and in plain Eng
lish language he told young Taylor
that he'd give $1,000 for the privilege
of hitting him just once with a hickory
club.
- Threatened Baby's Life.
Now and then the howls would cease
for a moment, and the infant would
gaze into Mr.. Bowser's face as II Won
dering whether he was cruel hearted
villain or not Ten seconds would sat
isfy him that he had made no mistake,
and the howls would burst forth loud
er than ever. As a last heroic expedi-
ent he was laid on the divan and Mr..
Bowser stood off and shook fist at
him and threatened his young life. The
thing was dead failure. 1t brought
such shrieks that the infant was
snatched up, and Mr.. Bowser ran out
on the front steps with him just in
time to meet Mrs. Bowser and the
mother.
'sThe Door little darling! But did the
great big man sit down Oh him?'' cooed
| the mother as she received her Off
spring into her arms and started for
home.
How long has he been awake" ask
! ed Mrs. BowSer.
"Were you speaking to me, MADAME
asked MI. Bowser as he gave her one
F! awful look
| '.Of course"
! "Then will consider your question
| in the morning after We have consulted
our respective lawyers. Don't think
| this attempted assassination will go
unpunished'' NJ. QUAD.
| Just Like d Woman.
| The Mani am surprised to see you
reading historical novel. Don't you
| find it rather dull?