Aberdeen herald. [volume] (Aberdeen, Chehalis County, W.T.) 1886-1917, 1906-01-01
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fredericksburg what happened on
July i one hundred and thirty years
ago? JOHNNY dunno, ma'am.
amt but tcn.-Cleveland Leader
Teacher-Can you tell me the differ
ence between like" and "love| Small
and mother, but l love pie-Ram' )
Horn.
Old Lady-IIow can you use such
shocking language? Old Wonali
Beg pardon, mum, but be very deaf,
and cawn't rightly ear wot says.
Punch.
Hewitt Why did you cut that fell
| low who just bowed TO you: Jewet-l
| was getting back at him. he perform
cd an operation on me a while ago
Town Topics.
what" asked Miss Eldrrlcigll, did
| papa say when you asked him for
me-" HE didn't say anything lie
| fell on my neck and wcpt. Chicago
Record-IIerad.
"You are always having more or
less trouble, aren't you:' said the SYM
pathetic friend you are mistaken
answered the Car, with hauteur; I'VE
never have less '-Washngton Star.
kind lady," remarked the weary
wayfarer, ''can you oblige me with
something to eat:' Go to the wood
shed and take few chops" replied
the kind lady.-Philadelph Record.
Mrs. De Fashion (at n children's
party - Marie. Nurse Girl - Yes,
ma'am. Mrs. DE Fashion-It's time
for us to go home. Which Of these
children is mlne:-New York Weekly.
Ethel Ito her friend in spectacles)-
And what Is to be your profession,
Mary? Mary-Oh. I'm going to be
tragic poetess. Ethel-But, my dear,
that's not n profession. It's disease.
Wife Teading,-IIere's an account
| of a man who left home one evening
after supper six months ago to get
shaved, and he hasn't been seen since.
| Husband-Huh. | suppose he Is sun
, waiting for his turn.
Il see that a letter supposed to have
been written by Henry VIII. has just
brought $1,000" That's nothing. a
letter of mine just brought $4,000
, "Indeed:" 'Yes, to girl who sued
: me for breach of promise
What do you mean by writing
Among the prettiest girls at the dance
was Captain Andrews: The captain
is man" Eyes, but he spent most
of his time among the prcttiest girls
there. "-Philadelphia Telegraph.
You are owned by the trusts. body
and SOUL" hownd the foreign manu-
facturer, land yet you call yourself a
free Americana Not me- calmly
answered the Congressman. Il come
high, If anybody asks you. ledger.
See what l got.' cried Bobby, a
city bred boy, as he came running
from chicken coop, holding in his
hand a china egg. ION, so put 1t
back" exclaimed Mabel, his 6-year-
measures by."-Judge.
ut seems to me- exclaimed Aunt
Rachel, you two are always quar-
reling when | come In" ION the con-
trary, ma'am,' yocifelated the mascu-
line end of the domestic controversy,
you always happen in when were
ouarrelng. Chicago Tribune.
| Little Clarence-paw-uh. Mr.. Cal
lipers-Well, my son: Little Clarence
Paw. when a doctor is sick and calls
, in another doctor to doctor him, Is the
doctor doctol~d the way he wants to
he doctored or does the doctor doctor
him just as he thinks he ought to be
doctored?
Teacher-Now, Willy. supposing you
accidentally stood on gentleman's
foot, what would you say? Willy--l
would say, Beg pardon" "lf the
gentleman gave you five cents for
being polite, what would You do"
81 would stand on the other, and say.
Beg pardon. "
| Gee WIZ Sulu btbI-t loI thc
twentieth time, lit makes me mad cv-
erv time | think Of the ten dollars l
lost to-day. actually feel as If I'd
like to have somebody Kick me-" by
the way. George" said the dear girl,
dreamily, don't you think you'd bet
ter speak to father this evcningE'-
Clipped.
The Merchant Ito applicant-Where
did you work last? The Office Boy
Fer de Gotham Life Insurance Comp
nv. The Merchant-How'd YOU come
to quit? The Office Boy-One day de
president patted me on de head an
advised me ter be honest an never
tell a lie, an | snorted right out in
spita of meself brooklyn Life.
spending the holidays on farm,
hobnobbed good deal with the gar
dener an old bachelor, thin. unshav-
en-, dry-you know the type said a
gentleman. "'Sam, | said to him one
day, why don't you marry" Sam only
grunted. The worlds first gardener,
went on, he married. And he
didn't keep his job long afterward.
said Sam. "-Scssors.