The Birmingham age-herald., 1906-05-13
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 BY GEORGE AIDE.

Copyrighted, 1900, by
 George Ade.

come her. if you want to see some- ,..ng that's good for sore eyesi"
 Mrs. Willoughby came running. and nearly eareened with happiness. There il was. an American war vessel. with real Yankees on board-boys from home; boys who had been brought up to believe that a mans character and h's abilities give him a worth which , cannot be altered by putting mere handle to his name. Mr. and Mrs. NilloughDy were eager to go down and call on the folks from home" After the prolonged boycott which had been hanging over them they were pining for white society.
 Mir. Willoughby put on his long black coat and Mrs. Willoughby got out her lowered bonnet and together they went down to the water front-walked instead of going as they should have gone, in one of the decrepit local hacks Before they could charter an humble row boat and go out to the ship the Governor General and the Lord High Commander of the Scow and the Im- perial High Collector of Customs and all the other residents of real import ance had gone in launch and taken charge of the naval officers. Dining parties and ball at the palace" were arranged at once. The servant at the club hurried out and got another bottle of Scotch whisky, and the town band began to mobilize at cafe Galli- yancia had no use for an humble Amer ican of the Willoughby type but 1t gave hysterical welcome to the splen- ald war vessel and the natty men in uniform. Over the first drink the Americans were told the remarkable story of the new Consul and were as- sured that he was queer sort" And the naval officers, being accustomed to hearing United States consuls ma ligned. took no further interest in the government's repre- tentative; merely shook hands with him when he came aboard, told him to make himself at home and then flocked away to the lights and the gayety which had been provided for them by the court circles of Gallivancia.
 Mir and Mrs. Willoughby found themselves sidetracked and they went back home not daring to talk about what had happened. But that was the day which caused them 10 decide to go back to Michigan. Mir Willough- by wrote to the State Department and said that the climate did not agree with him. And when they sailed away Jim" was the only person who came to the dock to bid them goodby.
 As the "EX-Consul to Gallivancia" MT. Willoughby is more than ever an honored figure in his own town. Doubtless he has more gray matter. more Christian charity and more horse sense than could be collectively assembled by all the petty officials at Gallivancia. And yet Gallivancia re- garded him as very poor excuse for Consul. The naval officers saw in him a well meaning Jay" who was bringing discredit on their native land because of his ignorance of social forms.
 Therefore let us send out Consuls
 who can put up front" Have each Consul wear the uniform of drum major. Make sure that he can dance | all night play bridge and keep Up with the naval crowd when IL comes to drinking. Let him be naughty with the serving classes. but jovial with the military Make sure that he Is averse to all forms of labor. Such a Consul will shed glory upon our be- loved country. and will never suffer the unhappy fate of "Old Man" Will loughby.