The new age. [volume] (Portland, Or.) 1896-1905, 1906-06-09
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we sleep In adjoining pews !-Yonkers
Statesman.
DO you think the widow will break
his will?" won't be necessary. She
did that long before she became Wild
ow."-Phlladelphia Ledger.
Maid-Are you at home to Mrs.
Toney, mum3 She's at the door. Mis-
tress-I am If she has new hat on
not otherwise. Leader.
Inert Ike-Wot does ''procrastinate'
mean? homeless Homer-To put OF.
Inert Ike-Gee but wuzn't we procras-
dnated from dat fast freight !-CleVe-
land Leader.
Jones What do you think of the
Louvre gallery7 Smith Dust back)-
Oh, the pictures are pretty good, but
there are no jokes underneath them
New York Sun.
Christian Science Mother-Eleanor,
what Is the matter? Christian Science
Child-Oh, mamma, l got a terrible
error Of the mind In my stomach
Medical Journal.
Strawler-Tve seen Snippem, the
tailor, going up to your studio every
day for week. Is he sitting for your
Dauber-No, he's laying for me-
Cleveland Leader.
Madge- They say she is very clever,
but l have never noticed It. Marjorie
of course not. She says all the clev-
er things about you after you have
gone.-Harper's Bazaar.
New York Man-Why do they call
Boston 1.-The Hub2" San Francisco
Man-Because the swiftest part of the
country is the furthest from 1t,
guess. Cleveland Leader.
do you joke writer's ever make
jokes at your own expensew For the
first few years all our jokes are made
that way. After that, If we're lucky,
we get paid for 'em."-Ex.
Mother-Has Charles proven himself
to be a thoroughly abstemious man?
June Bride-Yes, indeed! He partic-
ularly abstains from giving me any
money-Detroit Free Press.
There are too many grafters in the
world" said the patriotic citizen. 'Un-
questionably," answered Senator Sor-
ghum pretty soon there won't be
enough graft to go round. washing.
ton Star.
Miss Passey-A fortune teller has
told me where / should find my future
husband. Mrs. Situplate Goodness |
give me her address at once Perhaps
she could tell me where my present one
is.-Judge.
Hix-I don't believe half our rich
men know when they are well of. Dix
Where did you get that ideaG Hix-
AT the court house. / was down there
this morning looking over the tax lists.
Chicago Daily News.
Dear john" wrote Mrs. Newlywed
from the shore, II inclose the hotel
bill" Dear Jane, / inclose check"
wrote John, but please don't buy any
more hotels at this price-they are rob-
bling you."-Smart Set.
Sporting Customer-A pound of
cheese, please. Grocer Gorgonzola or
Cheddar? Sporting Customer-Oh,
don't care. Start 'em both across the
counter and I'll take the winner
Philadelphia Telegram.
Cabby-I 'ad a beard like yours
once, but when found what it made
me look like got it cut off. Busy
An l had face like yours once, an
when l found l couldn't get it cut off
1 grew beard.-Punch.
do you know anything about this
note?" asked the man from the col
lection agency, sternly. The impecu-
NOUS one looked at the paper careful
ly. NO" he decided, Il can't say that
1 ever met it"-Cleyeland Leader.
Mrs. Goode Ga clergymans wife,
My husband always says a short pray
er before each meal. The New Cook
Indignantly We'll, he needn't take
SIGH precautions phwile I'm at tn
range; I'm no cookin school grad
ooate Puck.
Friend-Whats that big box on the
front OF your machine? Automobiles
That's camera for taking moving
pictures. You see, go so fast don't
have time to look at the scenery, and
SO l photograph it as I go along
ILLUSTRATION.
Daughter-No, mamma, Harold has
not proposed yet-that is, no in so
many words. Mother-Mercy on me,
Jane! You must not wait for words
Proposals are mostly made up of sighs,
gurgles, stammers, coughs, hens, haws,
and looks, you know.-Ex
What are you studying now ?" asked
Mrs. Cumrox. I'VE have taken up the
subject of molecules" answered her
son. Il hope you will be very atten-
tive and practice constantly" said the
mother; Il tried to get your father to
wear one, but he couldn't make it stay
in his eye" Medical Standard.
"a girl" said Miss Prim, should
always teach man his distance"
Yes" replied Miss Koy, but the right
sort of man would know his dis
lance. l have no patience with the