The Birmingham age-herald., 1906-03-25
s''so"o'f ] MOONSHINE IN ALABAMA ] 2 The Great Gojun Knot Tire.
 
BY WELLlNeT ON VANpIVER.
yere editor of this amoosin'

.[k~ HIS we're editor of this amoosln
 agricultural sheet lines. out a
 lot of slack about the one-hoss farmer bein' the bone and sinew of the country, and the whole caboodie of the commersul interests of the nation Is de- pendin' on his jedgement and homes toll, observed Professor Goggins, tearing off 8 portion of the paper with which to light his pipe
 "sich readin' as that aint condooclve of no good and 1t don't run alongside of the rale facts. The one-hoss farmer per vsdin' this neck of woods is far from bein' the allurin' person poktered in these columns, and I sometimes fret so much about 1t that my whisky don't taste right. Our one-hoss farmer is some timid on gettin' action on hssaf. as a habit, He works like thunder two days in the week and goes fishin the balance of the time. He arises hours .afore day, whoops up the whole nayberhood and sets around until 8 o'clock, He will straddle & two- hundred dollar mule and ride three days iookIn' for a two dollar hog. This sort of a thrlftless citizen squanders three
 
 1t up. All day long you will see him rarin' around in his shirt sleeves to show how much he can stand, and at night he goes home and monopollzes half the fire place till bed time. On Sat'day he surges out to town and gets back home late in the eyenin with thutty cents wuth of coffee, spool of thread. one dollars wuths of chawin' terbacker, and his hide full of likker, He takes a nigger in with him as a pardner, and does business on shares. givin' the Senegambian all he can steal, and half they both make. 'Spose merchant took in a ignerent DOT ter in his store, allowin' him to help hiss sef to the goods on the shelf, and give him half what was left? It would be amazin' the rapidity with which that etoe-keeper 'ud accumulate poverty.
 No party need take my remarks as pussonal, but I'm here to state that the one-hoss farmer, as I knows him, is jassax.
 Never knowed but one of these ornery agriculturists to amount to shucks, and that 'un seemed to be sort of a cross between accident and divine Providence. Buck Peoples wus his name, and I knowed him from the time he fust used to hang around the still house when a kid. Kind a freckled, red-faced yearn'. alters in a good humor and eternally pro- jectin' around about maeheenery and tryin to invent sumpin. He didn't seem to have any parents, nor knfolks, but jess saturated around among the nay bors and done odd jobs for his keep.
 Folks didn't mind Buck-sorter took him as matter of coas, specially as he was powerful handy about goin' on err runds and spyin' out the revenue officers. Our settlement jess tolerated him, kicked him out of the way occasionally and putin up with his breaks on account of hls growth up, neglected, like weed. In time Miss Cattle sprueli, a veteran virgin, with dead loads of piety laid voy- lent hands on him, and conscripted him into her Sunday skule class; the said Buck bein' mighty reluctant, but arter awhile he ceased to Kick. and let Miss Cattle blast the alphabet into him some- how. Eventually Buck got so as he could read easy words in big print and he was the mightiest tickled kid that ever hit PeclSerwood when he soaked in that much larnin He finully stumbled ercross dog-eared volum of .Robersun Crew. sew which he devlied folks nearly to death to tell him the meanin' of the long words In It. and burned up wagon loads Of pine nots irwin to read at night, This was the beginnin' of his literary c'reer-