Baxter Springs news. [volume] (Baxter Springs, Kan.) 1882-1919, 1906-05-03
ISAACS'
TESTIMONIAL
BY OWEN OLIVER
Icop,righi, 100, b, Joseph n Bo~IssJ


very dry. stood my dusty bicycle
against the palings OF the Adam and
Eve and invited the landlord to join
me ia a tankard under the alder tree.
While we were sitting there, an old
man. bent into an acute rheumatic
angle. shambled by. carrying his coat
over his arm.
Good afternoon. Testimonial" said
the landlord.
Afternoon" grumbled the old man.
ITS a queer name" | remarked.
The landlord finished the tankard.
wipei his mouth with his sleeve, and
told me this story:
There was four OF them In It..
Testimonial Williams. as he's been
called ever since: and Phillips, the
sexton as was and Brown, the bar
Der: and Abraham lsaacs. what was
a Jew. as YOU might always suspect
from his name. and kept the old
clothes shop. The way II came about
was this:
Tn IRE was young doctor at Field
ham. five miles from here. what got
married and left the place. And hav-
ing heen popular. ard people feeling
for him. they made up their minds TO
give him somelhink what was n gold
watch. really. but they put up little
bills all over the place calling 1t
testimonial. That was how We came
BY the word, which Is French for
present. have heard say. Anyhow.
when Williams heard of IL he got en-
cited in his mind being an old sol
der. and always wanting 10 get MS
rights.
What's he done more'n u.s." he
said. that people should 20 wasting
their substance on him. Them was
his words in my ba; parlor, where
him and the others met regular every
night: and he stuck TO II. through
thick and thin, as we hadn't got our
rights.
So they all got it into their heads
as testimonials was due TO them, and
folks ought to be made TO give
them.
The missus called me out to tink-
er chap what had ordered a pint. and
hadn't got no money 10 pay. When
| came back found as they'd made
UP their minds TO get up testimonials
TO one another. and was just drawing
lots who was to have the first. seeing
as they couldn't do 1t all at once.
Isaacs made out the papers. the rest
not writing well. and shared them
round. and naturally he got the first
choice. He turns TO me. very prompt,
and SAYS: Now, landlord. what are
you putting down for start on the
subscription list for my testimonial
All" | says. Might you be going
TO hold your meetings here?'
Yes" they all says. figured out
in M mind as they'd get thirsty talk
ing so much. You can put me down
for half a sovereign" told them,
ITO be set of against anythink you
might order at the meetings"
They said it was handsome OF me;
and the meetings would begin the
next night.
They drunk my half sovereign up in
two nights, and the missus asked me
.ery scornful where the testimonial
would be when the expenses of col
lectiag was deducted, as they all
agreed they should he.
Wei, first they went TO the squire
and told him as they were getting up
testimonial to their esteemed fell
low townsman Mr.. Abraham lsaacs,
and he hoped he'd lend his coun-
tenance to ii. And the squire says
as his countenance wasn't 10 lend!
That would have settled most people;
but Williams had sense. So he just
laughs as If there was joke. Then
the squire says: whats he done?
never heard of him" And Will
liams says very prompt: Shows he
cant have done no harm, squire
Squire says that's more'n you can
say of most people that gets testi-
monials. and he'll give pound.
Similarly they coaXed little sums
out OF other people. til they got quite
a nice amount together. There wasn't
NO doubt but they had gift in the
collecting line.
They tackled Springs, the clock
maker He says: Testimonial, Ell?
Then you'll be wanting a clock or
watch. maybe" They says as how
they didn't know but they wouldn't.
Then" he promises, IN give ten per
cent. discount for cash down, what
will 20 towards the fund" They told
him they'd think 1t over.
Might as well be watch as any
thing else" Phillips remarked. Its
more'n he deserves, anyhow, for ne
must have cheated us when we
drawed lots"
They went on to Mrs. Pinch, at the
fancy shop. "Testimonial?" she
says. "Oh, certainly. A nice dressing
case would be the thing. I've got
one wrapped up in silver paper, hve
pounds, and dirt cheap; and I'll allow
i've shillings on for the testimo-