Oxford Democrat. [volume] (Paris, Me.) 1833-1933, 1906-08-28

various street, diversified by houses
and conservatory plants. The peas
antry Of the city passed to and fro on
the fine pusturage between the side
walks. Twas. for the world, like an
opera chorus when the Royal KafOoz-
lum IL about to enter.
I'VE were rubbing the dust of the
machine and getting fixed to start
business the next day when big, fine
looking white man in white clothes
stopped at the door and looked In. We
extended the invitations, and he walk
ed inside and sized US up. He was
chewing a long cigar and wrinkling
his eyes, meditative, like u girl trying
to decide which dress to wear to the
party.
"'New York; he says to me finally.
Originally, and from time to time,
/ says. Hasn't 1t rubbed Off yet?
"'Its simple says he, when you
know how. It's the tit of the vest.
They don't cut vests right anywhere
else. Coats, maybe, but not vests
"The white man looks at Henry
Horsecollar and hesitates.
"'Injun.' says Henry; tame Injun.
"'Mellinger,' says the man-'Homer
p. Mellinger. Boys, you're confiscated'
You're babes In the wood without q
chaperOn or referee, and It's my duty
to start you going. I'll knock out the
props and launch you proper in the
pellucld waters OF Sore-tOe-kangaroo
You'll have to be christened, and II
You'll come with me I'll break bot.
tie Of wine across your bows, accord.
ing to Hoyle.'
"Well, for two days Homer P. Mel
linger did the honOrs. That man cut
ice in SOre-toe-kangarOO. He was 1t
He was the Royal KafoOzlum. If me
and Henry was babes In the wood, nc
was Robin Redbreast from the top.
most bough. Him and me and Henry
| Horsecollar locked arms and toted that
monograph around and had wassail
and diversion. There was vino tinto
and vino blanco to drink with every
tune. The aborigines had requirements
| of q pleasant thing In the way OF
DRINKS that gums itself to the recollec
ton. They chop of the end OF green
cocoanut and pour in on the liquor OF
1t French brandy and gin. We had
them and other things.
mine and Henry's money was coun
terfeit. Everything was on Homer r
Mellinger. That man could find rolls
of bills in his clothes where Hermann
the Wizard couldn't have conJured out
an omelet. He could have founded uni
versities and had enough left to buy
the colored vote Of his country. Henry
and me wondered what his graft was
One evening he told US.
Boys says he. I've deceived you
Instead Of painted butterfly, I'm thu
hardest worked man in this country
Ten years ago I landed on its shores
and two years ago on the point Of its
Jaw. Yes; reckon / can get the de
cIsion over this ginger cake common
wealth at the end Of any round
choose. I'll confide in you because you
are my countrymen and guests, ever
IL you have committed an assault upor
my adopted shores with the worst sys
tenn of noises ever set to music.
"'My job Is private secretary to th'
president of this republic, and my du
ties are running 1t. I'm not headlined
in the bills, but I'm the mustard in thu
salad dressing. There isn't law goei
before congress, there Isn't a cOnces
sion granted, th,re isn't an impor
duty levied, but what II. P. Mellinger
he cooks and seasons 1t. In the from
office fill the presidents inkstand ant
search visiting statesmen for dyna
mite; In the back room I dictate thu
policy Of the government. You'd never
guess how got the pull. It's the only
graft Of its kind in the world. I'll pu
you wise. You remember the toplinel
In the old copy books, Honesty Is th'
best policy" That's 1t. I'm the onl!
honest man in this republic. The gov
ernment knows 1t; the people know 1t
the bOOdlers know 1t; the foreign ID
vestors know it. I make the govern
ment keep Its faith. II a man is prom
ised a job he gets it; II outside capita
buys q concession they get the goods
l run a monopoly Of square dealini
here. There's no competition. II Colo
Ii mel Diogenes were to fash his Lantern
In this precinct he'd have my address
inside Of two minutes. There isn't bii
money in 1t. but it's sure thing ant
lets man sleep Of nights
"Thus Homer r. Mellinger made ora
ton to me and Henry HorsecOllar II
SOre-toe-kangaroo. And later he di
vested himself Of this remark:
"'Boys, I'm to hold a solree thi
evening with u gang Of leading citl
zens. and / want your assistance. Yo'
bring the musical corn shelter and CIV
the affair the outside appearance OF
function. There's important buslnes
| ON hand, but 1t mustn't show. ] ca