The Tupelo journal., 1906-06-01
(Copyrighted)
Uncle George Explains the National
Pastime Hazing.

(Copyrlgnteo)
Uncle George Explains the National
Pastime Hazing.
Tell me, dear uncle" asked little
Dilly, ~plaintively, as he laid down the
Evening Blatherskite, what Is haz-
lng?"
"Ah, my lear nephew" cried Uncle
George, with genuine delight, upsetting
the inkwell over his new lavender
trousers, which he was wearing for the
first time, "hazing is the great national
pastime, without which III sad lives
would be a dreary waste. Had we no
hazing l fear greatly that there would
be little to relieve the dull monotony
Of our money-grubbing existence. l
regret to see that the vile press is at
lacking this noble pastime in a scan
ialously vicious manner. This is to be
regretted; in fact, | may call 1t a de-
plorable lack of taste. Pray, my dear
boy, how are we to educate young men
to navigate our ships if we omit this
important item from the curriculum?
Things have come to a pretty pass in
deed if our potential national heroes
are to be brought up to have a care
for the welfare of others. l view with
alarm, billy. this growing prejudice
against hazing. Besides, my dear boy,
and | will whisper this softly, 1t is all
buncombe. What is the loss of one or
two lives compared with the enjoy
ment of hundreds? Fudge upon such
sickly sentimentality. say l."
But had not these unfortunate
youths mothers and fathers, dear I'M
cle?" asked little Dilly.
Possibly, possibly, Dilly, but l fail
to see what that has to do with it. A
mother should be glad to offer up her
only son to the nation. What If his
joints are twisted out of shape; his
cardiac a~ppendage somewhat bent, and
his delicate neck broken, while his
features are unrecognizable? 1t is a
mere bagatelle. AS to hazing, billy,
our whole national existence is M
grand hazing. Mr.. Rockefeller, Mr..
Morgan, Mr.. Hill and those other great
and good philanthropists, not forgetting
Russell Sage, are wildly enthusiastic
advocates of hazing. Possibly they do
not follow the strict rules of the game,
but they haze, devotedly and contin-
ually. AS a nation we are advocates
of hazing. 1t is not so long ago since
we hazed Spain, later we threw the
boots into Venezuela; at present we
are trying for a strangle hold On Mo-
rocco, and we would dearly love to
make Turkey eat a delicate dish of
angleworms."
Indeed you interest me, dear uncle"
said little billy. Are there other ex-
amples, too?"
MANY, my boy" replied Uncle
George. There is a concerted attempt
upon the part of the country at large
to make Senators Depew and Platt
walk down a slivery plank with bare
feet and their corns sticking out. 1t
is a sad spectacle, Dilly, a sad spec
tacle. Just because these two poor
pitiful old parties were caught climb
Ing over a transom with a gunny sack
full of swag, there is a disposition to
make them hazees. l regret more than
| can say that things have reached this
stage. | would like to see them be
permitted to rest at ease, and spend
their remaining years in the quiet and
seclusion of a-jail, but we must not
hope for too much. Just at present
there seems little likelihood of such a
contretemps, owing to some unfore-
seen Niger in the woodpile who has
soaped the tracks Of the judiciary ex-
press, but l have hope, Dilly, l have
great hope. There is nothing like haz-
ing, in my opinion. Nothing like it."
What is the exact meaning Of the
term, uncle?" asked billy.
at is somewhat obscure" replied
Uncle George. I'm the original con
ception it was, no doubt, intended to
hurl the victim into a mental haze
from which he recovered but slowly.
In the earlier days of hazing, 1t was
considered the height of humor to take
a young mans belongings and mislay
them. This palled after awhile, and
now humor does not appear until after
the victim is dead, and through some
indelicate reason of his own, he re-
fuses to see the hilarity of 1t all. l
will not rest content, Dilly, until some
of the young men at Annapolis soak
the garments Of a fellow cadet in
kerosene and use him for a pinnacle
light. l think that would be scream
ingly funny. One can almost imagine
the conversation that takes place when
a new cadet shows up. Cadet No. /
gathers about him a choice collection of
brainless young asses who have more
time than is good for them, and who
are being taken care of at the expense
Of the government in a name that
their fondest dreams never realized,
and says: