West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1906-02-01
a TAYLOR COUNTY PIEMAH WHO
Sat on the Banks Of Tygarts Valley
Praying for the Freshet to Come
in So he Could Launch His
Senatorial Boom.
Bro. Gus Bolder Sends Letter Explain
ing Why the Freshet Did Not Come
In-Ths Taylor County Pieman
Advised to Ioin Governor
Dawson in South Africa.

have jus; discovered that a per-
son must fall heir to fortune; elope
with another mans wife; become
celebrity; own a political machine,
or hold the first mortgage on the
pies before the people will rise up
and claim his friendships and pine
il he is lost from their view for a
short space of time. This is the
position find myself lin when
failed 10 contribute my weekly let
ter to THE ARGUS. The missives
have been flying to me so rapidly
that it viii take me several days to
assort and answer. All | ask is
time and the assurance that the In
surgents will not take advantage of
my misfortune.
Here is an epistle received from
an old friend back in Preston where
they have been enjoying the bless
ings of local option for the past
forty-two years, if my memory has
not been tampered with in the Bow
cry and the red light districts of
Charleston. My friend writes:
"What is the trouble down in
Charleston that you have violated
your agreement with Deacon Brown2
All over the county the cry has
gone up that you have been kid.
naped by the Insurgents. We
sent telephone message TO
Chief Insurgent Sam Montgomery,
asking if 1t was true that you had
been kidnapped by his band of In
surgents, but he is as silent as the
grave aud will neither affirm or derry
the report. 1t looks mysterious.
There is another report current,
which was circulated by your enc
mics. that the Tom and Terry, the
high balls and the egg nog which
was on exhibition at the free lunch
counters during the holiday season
was too much of temptation for
you to pass by without sampling.
Leader Shaw and myself have gone
over the enemies report carefully
and have concluded that if you
started out on a tour Of exhilaration
that the Machine, pies and Dawson
tax laws are all lost TO this genera
tion of grafters. As friends and
we'll wishers we earnestly hope that
you escaped the free lunch counters
and the Insurgents. With Gov.
Dawson basking in foreign lands
and you kidnapped or wrigghng
with your first case of delrium tre-
mems is enough to make the faith
full in the Banner county commit
some desperate crime.
"If you are still alive let us hear
from you. 1t is the only safety
valve that can prevent an explosion
of The Machine and the Dawson tax
laws"
There is one thing / pride myself
on and that is my absolute truthful
ness. II anyone doubts this state
ment / have only to refer them to
my old army surgeon, Dr. Thomas
Fleming Lanhsm, whom have
been before on several occasions
for examination for an increase in
my pension. If there IS anything
that would make me forget "Thou
shalt not lie," 1t is the allurng in
crease which DR.. Lanham would
point out il could swear that my
disabilities were received on the
firing line. But some how in those
exciting days ! could not fade from
my memory that "those who fight
and run away will live to fight an.
other day" This has been verified
IN more cases than my own.
So to get back to the reports in
circulation about me I must admit
that the Insurgents were on my
trail while the Tommies and ferries
we're entertaining me. Now that
have gotten back to my normal con-
dition the memory Of those eventful
hilarities is not pleasant to remem-
Der. shall bury them with the
Insurgents, If can.
II is not enough for me to have
my own troubles but am called
upon to weep with those Of my
friends who are resting under the
weeping willow. / receive many
such letters from those whom / left
behind when came to this gay
city. cannot find space for all oi
them. Neither can peruse them
all and escape a season Of rest in
the public Institutions Of Spencer
or Weston.
From Taylor county comes tn,