Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1906-07-07
JOBsON'S NEW PIPES


When the humid weather began Mr. Job
son began to growl about the acrid and ran
cid taste OF his cigars.
Taste Ike wet nrecrackers- Remind
me Of patent dump inctnerator. This
ones got the flavor Of spoiled catsup or
tartare sauce that's begun to ferment. II
didn't know different I'd be of the opin-
ion that the driver Of a brewery wagon
had been smoking on this one for couple
Of hours" and he tossed the unpalatabie
fumero out of the window
Distaste for his cigars seethed in Mr..
Jobson for four days, and then one morning
he woke up with an idea.
Great scheme" he said. sitting up In
bed. "I'li do IT,
Mrs. Jobson had been drowsy. but the
phrase great scheme made her come to
with a start. Mrs. Jobson has long. sad
familiarity with Mr.. Jobson's great
schemes.
Going to cut out cigars and smoke a
pipe. announced Mr.. Jobson. Summers
no time to smoke cigars. anyhow. Mug
giness makes EN- burn like wet flannel in
wooden mill confiagration. And l wake
up every morning-lfke this morning-with
a taste in my mouth like as IL Id sat UP
man luncheon dishes. Pipe for mine here
after. Going to cut out the cigars alto
gether.''
Mrs. Jobson's memory was working ais
Mr.. JobSon talked.
But" she said, don't you recall how
often you've tried smoking pipes. and how
you've always wound up such experiments
by tossing the pipes out OF the window,
and how you told me that smoking pipe
burned your tongue, and how
You must be thinking about some hus-
band you had in some previous reincarna-
ton, Mrs. Jobson," said Mr.. Jobson bounc-
fpo Ant IF had nd SIR In,
pajamas. ''Never tossed a pipe out OF a
window in my life. I smoked a pipe. and
enjoyed 1t, years before l ever saw or
heard Of you. Colored meerschaum pipe
with bowl as big as leghorn hat as
black as length of stove-pipe years be-
fore I ever knew you were alive. There's
more fun in a pipe than there Is in a
crate of ring-tailed monkeys
That very evening Mr.. Jobson brought
home a package. which he undid on the
sitting room table as soon as he got in.
II guess this isn't smoking outfit for
the Nyzan OF Hyderabad." he commented,
airi1y, as he pulled at the strings. Cost
me a few dollars, of course. but I'll more
than make UP what this layout cost me in
side OF three months by cutting out the
cigars" and then he proudly exhibited
the contents of the package to Mrs Job
sons dubious gaze.
There were seven briar pipes, all uni
form, and of a good make. They'd cost
Mr.. Jobson s. apiece, and he showed Mrs.
Jobson the grain Of the wood and talked
learnedly about clouded and clear amber
and so on.
Then he had neat bronze pipe-rack.
with seven spaces for pipes, and day of
the week lettered under each space. There
were four packages OF pipe cleaners and
three pounds of expensive pipe mix
ture.
Maybe l won't get the ambrosial COM
fort out of these smoking tools" comment
ed Mr.. Jobson as he screwed the pipe-rack
UP In his den and distributed the smoking
materials around on his table. Its just
as likely as not that III never smoke an
other cigar as long as live. 1t just makes
me ache all over to think how much money
I've wasted on cigars all these years, and
the best I've got out of EN- has been
continuous performance taste In the mouth
like old rain water In barrel and the
undermining of my health"
Right after dinner Mr.. Jobson took from
the rack the pipe in the Tuesday space,
for that was the day, filled 1t to the brtm
with the expensive mixture. and. after
blowing a thick cloud at Mrs. JobsOn.
leaned back in his deep wicker chair.
"H-m-I spose this is perfectly miser-
able" he observed, cheerily. as he sent
long inhale of the smoke through his nose.
Greatest idea I ever had In my life.
Queer 1t took me so long to make up my
mind to quit cigars BY the way, there's
about half a box of those cigars of mine
left, believe? Well. you can give them to
the fellow who'll be here to NOW the lawn
tomorrow He's a. puip-head and hen
smoke 'em. No more Of 'em for me- I
ought tove started this pipe thing years
and years ago.
Mrs. Jobsona didn't make any reply. But
she made up her mind that she'd hang on to
that half-box of cigars remaining.
Mr. Jobson had smoked the Tuesday pipe
about halfway through when 1t began to
bubble and stzzle.
Good thing I remembered the pipe clean
ers," he commented, tinkering with the
pipe. Amy pipes bound to clog up bit
at first"
BY the time Mr.. Jobson got the stem
clear the bowl had become pretty hot. and
Mr.. Jobson laid it down with rather wry
face.
Got to be smoked a lot and heated
clear through and have a crust from inside
the bowl. a pipe before it gets into its
full stride and remains COOL" he explained
to Mrs. Jobson. observing that she was
watching him. Good deal like fresh
and balky horse, a pipe-needs breaking
and training"
Mr. Jobson took rather long drink OF
ice water right after smoking that first
pipe. and he didn't take the Tuesday pipe
up again for a couple of hours. It had
been his custom to smoke about three
cigars right on end after dinner. but his
appetite for tobacco didn't appear to be
particularly keen on this evening. An
hour or so before bedtime, however. he
took up the pipe again. filing 1t only half
way to the top this time. however. and
refraining from making any delighted COM
ments as he applied the match to the to-
bacco
Mr. Jobson spent an unusually long time
in brushing his teeth the next morning,
and at the breakfast table he complained
that the coffee was too blamed hot-that
1t burned his tongue like so much vitriol.
But he took the Wednesday pipe from
the rack and filed and lit 1t before start
Ing for the office, although he made no
comment whatever upon the delights Of
pipe-smoking.
Mr.. Jobson came in with very firm and
determined tread that evening. Right at
ter dinner he went up stairs, found his
cigars in their accustomed place. lit one
and came down stairs with the same firm
and defiant tread, gazing at Mrs. Jobson
in challenging way out of the corner OF
his eye.
But Mrs Jobson. she wasn't saying
word.
..Oh, you needn't look me over In that
sardonic fashion of yours, Mrs. Jobson."
said Mr. Jobson pumping into his chair
and Mrs. Jobson's expression was anything
but sardonic.. I'm smoking a cigar all
right. See it?" and he waved 1t before
her. "And I'm going to smoke cigars as
long as 1 blame please. I'm pretty
yielding man. but I can't stand for all
of the jobs you put up on me on the
score of economy. I've got blister on my
tongue the size of a Spanish doubioon from