New-York tribune., 1906-10-21
Up-to-date Methods Electrify
the Farmer.

The great candidate was listed to speak at
Turner's Corners that evening, and the yeomen
for ten miles around were Fastening to the scene
afoot and in carryalls. They allowed that IT
would be the biggest thing that ever happened
because tho candidate was coming on a special
train and he would be greeted by his own brass
band and he promised to shake hands with all
the hornyhanded who stayed out his discourse of
two hours and sixteen minutes.
The reception committee, with yards of varicol-
ored ribbon on their Sunday clothes stood at the
platform anxously awaiting the arrival of the
candidate. At last the train thundered up The
committee. doff1ng its ancient plug hats hurried
to the baggage and one of them cried:
Have you got him?
Here he is" replied the brakeman tossing
cylinder to eager hands
Where is the rest of himP'' demanded a COM
mitteeman.
A box with large horn produced and the
cylinder inserted whereupon the candidate be-
gan to speak as follows:
MY heart is touched at the sight of these
school children in white frocks and with lovely
flowers in their hands trooping forward to lay
the bouquet of innocence on an unwilling
head
Hold on, BILL" cried auditor. that don't
fit here an we had a change of weather, so they
quit wearin white dresses"
This magnificent welcome by the leading citi-
zens," continued the candidate squeakily Con-
Vinces me that a profound sentiment is at work
in our land b-z-z-z and draw symbolic mean
ing from the pair of milk white steeds which
your generous hospitality
They're pair of mules, murmured a spec
| tator.
II have considered it a mere duty to brave
all perils and fatigues to be with you"-
"Cive 'em little music.' whispered a COM
mitteeman.
Hardly were these words spoken when a me-
Of oh he hoor
| car and the candidates brass band began to
| play Tara DUN te- -ta-ra-ra.'
Candidate" said the ch.cf committeeman,
| when the music had subsided, reading from a
card of instructions. 'I thank you and welcome
| you to Turner's Corners. You will have better
! chance to see our beautiful village on the way
| to the hotel where we trust that a hot meal and
| a wash-up will fOrtify you for the ordeal Of
| handshaking and speechifying Tonight"
The brass band struck up patriotic air tho
| Mayor of Turner's Corners put the candidate re-
| spectfully under his arm and stepped into the
mule drawn blackboard. The brakeman of the
| special called out that the committee would be
| held responsible If It injured the candidate in
any way. such as setting fire to him. and that he
| must be returned 10 continue his tour on sohed-
| ule time 11:35 p m.
Il am in the hands of my friends" said tho
| candidate laughing and with all the patness
| OF a fesh-and- blood politician. He made other
! natural remarks the way, jesting with tho
| committeeman. asking about the local situation,
! promising them good Jobs in the future admin
! istration, and for the present offering them
| Havana cigars.
| Thanks, candidate, said q committeeman,
| dryly. "I guess We'll blow you TO the same kind
| OF dinner as your cigars is"
THE brakeman has the box of cigars ro-
sumed the candidate.
"Oh, excuse my insinuaton. candidate. Wen
! interview the CRATER. Has he got anything else
| -er-for the boys?"
The candidate replied with a vague buzzing.
and though the committee searched his person
! eagerly, they found no governmental works of
art on green paper. 1t was grievous disap-
| pontment to find that current ISLANDERS were un-
| true. However, all hands recovered during the
sumptuous repast at the hotel. which had been
paid for in advance. and the candidate was in his
best hurnor declaring that he enjoyed simple
| fare, replying aptly TO toasts and inviting all
| to crack another bottle with him.
After dinner a long procession OF natives
passed in TO shake hands with the candidate.
Each was heartily gripped by mechanical
hand of rubber (warrned to blood heat by an in
ternal dev!ce) while he gazed or smil.lg ooun-
terfeit OF the candidate on a screen and heard
such expressions VERY happy, indeed" "I
shall remember your face" 1--WE shall win by
| pulling together" 81 a farmer. myself !"
THANK you thank you" The rubber hand pat
ted babies the head When young women
| came by, melancholy voice remarked, Il wish
/ could salute those cherry lips" white
! whislsered agriculturst was surprised TO hear.
| Madam. your position governor OF the nur-
| sery surpasses my hopes" 1t was probably like
Wise mistake when q CleIxYman heard. Y