davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Washington times., 1906-11-09
NgeEP5 Hill
I'll lsssP PHILOSOPHY
=ETAl&s

Il wisht I owned one Of them OTTER
mobeels," sighed Philander Perkins, as
he climbed to his customary seat be-
side the cracker barrel in Virgins gro
Gerry emporium At Sl1inners Corner.
''Thunderaioni you gone plumb daffy
Phllander2" asked Deacon Bennett, who
by right OF seniority occupied the only
armchair in the store, what in blazes
you want one o. them ungodly masheens
for is more'n ennybody In Washington
county lin imagiu'."
Il alius hev mighty good reasons for
everything ] figger out. leastways they
suit me-" and PhilandeT's immense hand
lifted half a dozen crackers from, the
barrel.
"You always do. Phnander; come on,
tell as them reasons" pleaded Grocer
Wiggin, with worried eye on the
cracker barrel.
Well" mumbled Philander, blowing
cracker crumbs as a playful porp0ise
would blow spray, If I had an orter-
mobeel ia hitch her 10 a pillow an yank
up tn furrers down IN my meadow
piece quicker'n my hired man can come
In 10 dinner an that's tn quickest
thing ! ever see"
"Ye couldn't make her gee or haw,"
snOrted the deacon.
Il could make her pillow my initials.
FER that matter replied Phllander
1 seen "a lelleE make MS OTleTmODeBl
dance a lar jig once. but that ain't
tn pint. If / had one of them orter-
mobeels, I'd run fer sheriff of this here
county"
you ben drinking too much cider,
Philander.' said Wlggin.
Philander glared at him, then helped
himself % more crackers.
GO on, go on; ! was only foolin'. d"
urged Wiggin, doing a lightning mental
calculation as to how much he would
have TO raise the price OF crackers TO
save a normal profit
You wouldn't git a vote, not a blame
vote" snarled the deacon.
10 git every blame vote in this here
county" said Phiauder. calmly, AN
I'll tell We why. This fall q city Teller
run over enc or my best hens killed
her deader'p Chelsea ] asked him 81 90
for her. an he didn't have enaything
smallern a $50 bill; yessiree. I seen II.
/ didn't have change for that an so
he took me In mis- OTter down to tn
postOfdce to git IL changed He made
mighty clus. Air ye scairJ Ia 90
faster? he asked me. and I SEE No.
an ne yanked sOmethiu 'rOther an we
went 50 dinged fast m trees looked Ike
a streak o dark brown lghtnin'.
An by thunder, ] liked ~ II were
fun, such blame good fun that I
wouldn't take a darn cent for that
hen"
What's that got to do with runnin'
Ter sheriff." asked the deacon.
ia give every voter in tn county
IN same sort or creased lightnin' trip.
an by TIA great horn spoon. I'd have
ev'ry vote. inCludin' that Of my on
pOncnt," and Philander walked out with
both hands fun Of crackers.
The Washington times., 1906-11-09
No Race Issue

Those of our colored brethren
who have recently been incllning to-
ward criticism of President Roose-
Welt for what they have been pleased
to call his change of front in re-
gard TO the negro" can hardly go
L" the extreme of finding in his re-
cent action of dismissing from the
army an entire battalion of colored
troops further evidences of their
claim. AS a matter of fact. the race
issue does not enter into this radi-
cal move in any sense, except that
perhaps the fact that the soldiers
were negroes did originally con-
tribute to the disorder at Browns
vile. Tex, in which they took a
conspicuous and unenyiable part.
The disbanding of these soldiers
of the Twenty-fifth Infantry is the
result entirely of the refusal of the
enlisted men to give information as
10 the firing into the houses of the
citizens of Brownsville on the night
of August Is. Instead of attempt
ing to clear their reputation as a
battalion, the men declined abso-
iutely TO help the course of justice
and no threats of discipline were
nble to turn them from their course
of secrecy. As consequence, every
man of three companies is thrown
ont of the United States Army, for
ever debarred from re-enIisting in
the service, and prohibited from en-
ployment in any civil capacity under
the Government.
This is not at all because they
are negroes, but because they have
acted IN manner hostile to the
best interests of the Government of
the United States. For this reason
st Is 10 be hoped that none of the
newspapers of the South will feel
At necessary to inject into their
The Washington times., 1906-11-09
TILLMAN TELLS HOW nARD
IT is TO FARM PROPERLY

The United States Senate admires
the art of farming. On top of Sena-
tor Pettus' assertion that, If he
were starting life anew, he would
choose the high calling of a far
mer." comes this from Senator Till
man in a public speech:
And too often it has happened that
when a fellow has failed in everything
else, they say; q.
Il ct him 60 TO farming, he Is not NJ
for ANYTHING else"-as though any Tool
colId farm Now il there is any error
or heresy that is worse than that l 90
not know II. .,-.- -
Though from my own observation and
avDarience. 1 do not hesitate TO tell you
mar il takes more brains, more sound
iudement more discrimination ana dls-
erection and more ability 10 act prompt
Nv TO farm successfully than almost any
of the ordinary callingS.
The seasons change, the conditions OF
the crop change every day according
to the weather. and the sUcces7f vi
farmer is the man who thinks ana acts
promptly I'm regard 70 the condition be,
fore hiun that day and which VIII iead
him to do the thing that ought TO be
done that day rather than wait unuI
tomorrow or next week.
The Washington times., 1906-11-09
SideIightS on People and EpentS
That Make the Mems and History
Mr.. LAWSON IS LURID
IN CAMPAIGN MATTERS

Thomas ". Lawson made new
record in campaign methods in the
way he fulfilled his promise TO help
John B. Moran in the fight for the
Massachusetts governoTship. Last
Monday the help came when he dis
played a half-page advertisement in
the Boston papers, beginning:
throughout the land haTks the cry
of the peoples slave drivers, dogs. back
TO your kennels!
ION the highways, in the byways
Gar Dollars troopers stand AT guard
'gor a quarter of century Massa-
chusetts has been in the hands OF the
system, and its Tudder. men ana regis
lators. have been bought and sold like
sausages and fish at the markets ana
wharves. The gigantic corporations and
twenty over night made dollar kings
control the destinies OF the people and
the State as does the Sultan or turkey
his domains and the slaves who Craze
upOn them.
The Washington times., 1906-11-09
La FOLLETTE'S METHODS
NOT LIKED BY EVERYBODY

La Toilette. independent and in
uncible, had this said about him bv
the Chicago Chronicle the morning
of the day When the elections result
ed in a La Toilette victory:
whether the Republicans of Wisconsin
win or lose tOday's election they will
have to clean house before thew can
hope To regain their Old-time PRESTIGE
In othc1 words. they viii have 10 nut
Robert NJ, La Toilette out of the Marty
instead of permitting him to attembt lis
destruction from within. Self-preserva-
uoT is right which inheres ia poIIt,caI
parties as in individuals Self-preserva-
ton dictates that the Republicans shall
thrust Senator La Toilette forth from
among them. He can find cOngenI.,
company among the Democrats or with
William r. Hearst. Whatever else he
may be. he IS not a Republican.
During the last week of the cam
paign Mr. La Toilette, ostensibIv cam
paigning as a Republican, ignored an
me Repubilcqn state candidates except
the head of the ticket, whom he 1amnad
with faint praise.
The Washington times., 1906-11-09
CORK soLEs IN ANCIENT ROME.

Nothing new under the sun. it-is now
classical times wore cork soles in their
shoes 10 protect their feet from water
especially in winter. As high heels were
not then introduced the Roman ladies
who wished TO appear taller than they
were fashioned by nature put plenty
of cork under them It remains 10 be
demonstrated that the French women of
the seventeenth century were short of
stature and to their desire 70 appear tall
must be credited the invention of high
heels. Once let "a stumpy little bit of
femininity get to wearing French heels
and feel much more than her inches and
she will never depart from them.-New
York Press.
The Washington times., 1906-11-09
CoRTELYOU TALKS LITTLE
TO CAMPAIGN CALLERS

Mr.. Cortelyou is the prince of all
the men of few words" but some
times he makes people indignant.
The Boston Herald prints this about
him.
Postmaster General CorteIyou has
been characterized as the greatest
manager Of a national political commit
tee the country ever saw" yet he was
not popular with a certain class OF pO-
htical workers. What sort OF a man
is Mr.. So and SOP" he recently asked
United states Senator referring 70 q
gave him comprehensive answer and
then asked.
What about him? Is the committee
going 10 use him.
oh" replied the chairman. nonchal-
antiy, his name just occurred TO me.
Mr.. COrtelyOu thought the answer
covered the ground, but the Senator
was pretty mad.
On another occasion a governor Of Il
Republican STATE gave him some valua-
bic information and then tried TO get
some for himself.
How are things on the commlttee?'
he asked.
VERY quiet" answered the chairman.
town, and give my compliments 10 your
brother. I have great respect for his
ability"
u don't like that way Of doing busi-
ness" complained the governor when
he got home 4 90 TO find out about
the political situation and find out that
he likes my brother
The Washington times., 1906-11-09

Thanksgiving Is approaching, which
probably explains why your Aunt DOtty
has received scores Of requests for her
famous recipe for Mothers Mince Pie.
This recipe Is timely and that's all.
Take ! tongue, TO liven up the pie a
bit, yards OF beef suet; lbs. spring
lamb with the spring removed; lbs
skirt steak; cut on the bias and gored-
in the pasture; together with bowls OF
odds and ends. II doesn't make much
odds which ends.
Spread this out on your back piazza
and run over il with the lawn mower
until IL Is chopped 10 the chOpness OF
chop suey. with the yellow peril eX-
tracted
Gather this into a wash boiler With a
common OF garden rake, add ] quart
soft boiled cider, quart fried milk, and
] quart Manhattan cocktails Let this
simmer splritedly-
Stir in ] or each OF all spice. including
allspice: > or cloves and half pound Of
sachet powder 10 keep the alcoholic
odOr back in the corner. add a iittle
ginger and IL the fire gets low heat IL
up with mustard.
Make a sort Of circular pillow case or
sofa cushion cover from 3-ply liuOleum-
ated dough. leaving a small aperture in
one side through which you Inject the
mince meat by means Of an automobile
pump. When the dough sack Is full
sew up the aperture and bake till IL
busts.
Serve hot.
It IS much better under these circum-
stances 70 have a private funeral.
The Washington times., 1906-11-09
PRIEST WAS A PUNsTER.

The Rev Francis n. KieIty, rector Of
the Church of the Holy Angels. St
Louis, who died recently, was a good
deal of wit, says an exchange Father
Kieity began his sermon one SUNDAY
morning by announcing, In a voice full
make.
I might as well make a clean breast
of it," he said.
As the congregation gasped. he
waved in the air a document. signed
and sealed TO resemble an order OF
court.
Yes, l mean it." he continued, as 81
70 XIII any lingering doubts, and then,
pointing through one of the stained
windows, continued:
That alley out there has been paved
and the city has sued me for the alley
monex.s
The Washington times., 1906-11-09
ANATOMICAL HAPPENINGS
WHEN CUMMINS GRATED

Iowa writer's are original They
are surprising. They force their
facts home. They do things to
language when they get excited. In
the Sioux City Tribune of a recent
issue, in the story of one Of Gov
ernOT Cummius' addresses, there
appeared a paragraph showing how
his oratory affected his hearers
anatomy. 1t read:
When these words leaped from the
throat OF Governor Cummins last night
at the Lyric Theater, 5000 hands came
together in applause, cheers burst from
100 threats and swept UP and down,
back and forth, across the packed aud
fence while the governor waited with
upsretched hand TO proceed.
The Washington times., 1906-11-09
NINE. YAKIMA LECTURES
ON JAPANESE MISSIONS

Japanese mission schools and their
educating influence on the people OF that
kingdom were told of by Nine. Kali
YAKIMA, who is know as the 'FIYncis
Willard of the Orient" in an address
before large audience at the New York
Avenue Presbyterian Church last even
ing. Nine. YAKIMA spoke in japanese,
her lecture being translated by her
nefce, Miss Ollubo.
The speaker told of the new mission
school which Is being erected in Tokyo
with $500 sent two years ago by the
Presbytery OF Washington. II will be
finished some time in December. she
stated
Nine. YAKIMA said that her neice. Miss
Okubo. was a product OF the Tokyo
school as was Nine Takahira, the wife
of the former Japanese minister to the
United States.
The Washington times., 1906-11-09
Kisses Cause Delay
In Steamers Sailing
GanqpIank Left Out Overtime for Farewell
Oscillation of DR.. Leonard'S Large Family
Late in Arriving at Dock

NEW YORK. Nov. 3.-Something Ike
twenty-five kisses were responsible for
a slight delay in the sailing Of the Kai-
ser Wilhelm der Crosse. Of the North
German Lloyd line. They were the
fareweiis bestowed upon DR.. A b.
Leonard of this city. by members Of a
large family.
Just as the gangplank was Being
withdrawn a group Of a dozen men,
women and children, each bearing some
object, from camera 20 a basket OF
fruit. came rushing 10 the embarking
place.
Where is hep" Quick the steamer
The Washington times., 1906-11-09
FRIDAY. NOVEMBER .. 1906.
The President at Panama.

The Presidents trip to Panama
is said to be in violation of a tradi-
ton as old as this Countrywide ira
dition that the President shall not
leave American soil while he is Chief
Executive. If so, the trip is to be
commended for two reasons, and
one of them is that it viii smash a
tradition that has been the subject
of a great deal of nonsensical com
ment.
The other, and perhaps more i'm
pOItant, reason why the trip is to
be commended is that IL will give
the responsible man in this canal
digging enterprise a fund of de-
tailed, specific, first-hand informa-
ton. There is but one way to get
it. and that is to go after it. The
President knows this, and he has
gene after what he needs-as he
generally does.
Ii is doubtless the fact that a final
decision of the coolie labor question
has been postponed till after this
trip. The President has without
question learned that there is sharp
difference of opinion about the de-
STABILITY of the Chinese experiment.
Political reasons alone could not fail
ID make some appeal; but aside
from this there is the very practical
question whether in truth Chinese
are preferable to the Jamaica
negroes.
The best information from the
canal country strongly indicates
that Chief Engineer Stevens is the
man responsible for the experiment
with the Chinese. As a railroad
man on Western lines in this coun-
try he has had considerable exper-
icnce with the Chinese, and prefers
them TO the black laborers; while
ON the other hand he is credited
with "a violent dislike for the latter
In his attitude of favor for the
Orientals, however. it is declared on
excellent authority that he is not
backed by The subordinate engineers
on the canal, nor by the administra-
tors
Without doubt the President has
been informed of these differences
and has determined that the ques-
tion needs investigation at first
hand. 1t is, of course, but one of
many phases that need his atten-
ton, and on which he needs accu-
rate information in order that he
may form confident judgments.
It is safe to venture that the
President viii make business active
for the authorities Of the zone
while he is there, and that he will
see as much as any other man we'll
could, and see il with the eve OF
understanding And it may be
guessed that after his return the
canal work viii receive an impetus
that it has lacked for a long time.
The Washington times., 1906-11-09
APPERTAINING TO HAIR.

Dispatches from LOganspOrt, Ind. state
that John Sheerin, who had been bald
for many years, is raising d fine new
crop Of hair through accident He got
his thought dome sunburned and Bills
tered with the result that this apparent
ly TejuYenated the roots and started his
hair out into the cruel world once more.
This viii be a fearful blow 10 the
theater trust for with hair growing
made thus easy the high priced seats IN
the bald-headed row will no longer be
IN demand through a lack Of supply OF
nude craniums.
The Washington times., 1906-11-09
THIEF HAS MANIA
FOR ROSE PERIL hE
He ArouSeS Four Women IN
Bedrooms and DetIeS
the Police.

CLEVELAND, Nov. "a boudoir
thief with a mania for rose perfumery
has robbed four women IN their bed
rooms and deiies the police to take
him. He has stolen Jewelry and money
and has aroused all four Of his known
victims, but was not routed until ne
had taken their perfumeTy-
Upon a slip OF paper he dropped upon
the floor in the house OF Mrs. Eliza
beth Briggs, of East Twenty-hrst street,
was found written: Il defy the police
or anyone else TO take me unJll my col
Iaction is complete" Mrs. Briggs OPEN
ed her ewes 10 see the burglar bending
over her dressing table and smelling
an atomizer. He breathed . long an -
She screamed He jumped out the win
dow. Three other women had similar
e,Deriences with the thief.
The Washington times., 1906-11-09

is leavingT' Where on earth can he
be?" was the chorus OF ordinations.
Up came a second group with similar
inquiries. and everybody nearly fell over
everybody else in an effort 10 find DR..
Leonard Finally the latter was dis
covered. and surrounded, and the kiss
ing began. Thinking he had finished,
DR.. Leonard started 10 board the ship.
Hold on, here's another halted him
and there was another kiss.
You have forgotten me" piPed a lit
tie voice. and the doctor kissed a lit
tie girl which her father was holding.
Then he hurried aboard the ship,
The Washington times., 1906-11-09
POPE Plus PINING AWAY
LIKE EAGLE In A CAGE
d.. Lapponi.
Confinement Within the Vatican Precincts Has Caused
Acute Inconsistencies Which Has Greatly
Affected the POntiffs Health.

ROME. Nov. 9.-Unable TO stand the
confinement OF the Vatican, Pope Plus
X is slowly wasting away. This was
the opinion expressed today by Or. Lap
poui TO the correspondent OF the Pub
fishers Press IN the first official an
nouncement in regard to the pontiff s
health.
His holiness condition Is only rela-
lively satisfactory" said DR.. Lapponi.
He is not only harassed by govt, but
he is also suffering through living IN
the confined atmosphere OF the Vatican
ana the fact that his liberty is limited
The Washington times., 1906-11-09
DoNTs FOR THANKSGIVING.

DON'T rattle for your turkey. 1t is
cheaper 10 buy it at 81 pound.
DON'T buy your turkey before it Is
picked. Fine feathers do not make fine
birds
DON'T promise a leg to each one at
the table unless you are carving a
centipede
DON'T wait TO send for the doctor.
Invite him TO your dinner and get his
services for nothing
DON'T embarrass anyone by asking
what gives the mince pie such a spirited
flavor. Try TO get what was left In the
bottle after dinner.
DON'T spring that antediluvian jest
about having turkey hash for the next
ten days.
The Washington times., 1906-11-09
DEER SWIMS ACROSS
LONG ISLAND SOUND

NEW YORK. Nov. "a big antlered
deer driven from Long Island by hunt-
ers and dogs swan across Long lslahd
sound in his efforts to escape and land
ed on the Connecticut shore at Wilson
Point. II had TO swim eight to fifteen
miles This is the first time in many
years that one OF these rumofs has
been verified.
This. deer was seen approaching the
Connecticut shore by the crew OF the
oyster steamer Rowland The boat
passed close to the deer.
The Washington times., 1906-11-09

praise of the President any sug-
gestion that his course has even re-
mote relation TO the race ques-
ton" or can in any wise affect its
solution.
The Washington times., 1906-11-09
Lapponf.

through the necessity OF remaining with
in the Vatican precincts. This has pro-
duced nostalgia. which is wasting his
health more than anything else.
My belief is that the Pope viii die
Ike an eagle unable 10 aCcustom Itself
TO its cage"
By all precedent since 1870. the Pope
has been required never 10 venture out
side the Vatican grounds. Plus Ks
predecessor found this confinement wear
ING, Dut IN Plus Ks case ii has been
particularly hard, because of the free
outdoor life he led previous 10 his eIeva-
ton
The Washington times., 1906-11-09
A NEAR-FABLE.

There was once an unmarried man
whose character was Of the best He
was considered a great catch and was
duly caught but after a dozen years Of
muchly-married life he began 10 stay
out late at his club, take long trims
away from home. and finally he earned
the reputation Of being a gay dog. which
somehow. seems 20 please a man.
horal-A single man doesn't have tn
live a double life.
The Washington times., 1906-11-09
KAISER BANISHES
LOVESICK PRINCE

BERLIN, Nov. 9.-Prince Joachim. of
Prussia. for daring to oppose the wishes
of the Kaiser and his father. in his firm
intention Of marrying Marie Sulzer. the
dancer, has been banished TO one of the
colonial regiments in German South
Africa, and viii be taken there under
military cOmpulsion. This practicable
means that he is eXiled, and it NAV be
years before he can see his sweetheart
or fatherland again
The Washington times., 1906-11-09
hAGOON'S POLICY
Anglers LIBERALS

HAVANA. Nov. 9.-The growing senti-
ment d dissatisfaction among Liberals,
because they could not induce Governor
MagOon to dismiss moderates from
Office, crystallized in a secret meeting
of the Liberal committee on appoint
ments. The Liberals have said they
did not want Office, but Office seekers
have produced such pressure that
Governor Magoou will be asked 10 rec
ognize the Liberal aspiranJs for political
positiOns.
The Washington times., 1906-11-09
WoMEN pPOFESsORS-

At Denver. Cola. university DR.. Ger
trude II Beggs. of Yale. is the profess
sor of Greek and Anne Grace Writ
(Syracuse and Berlin and Dorothea X.
Beggs Denver and Berlin) are profess
sors of German In the State Univer-
sity of Wyoming several women are
full professors.
The Washington times., 1906-11-09
CHANCE TO MAKE $1,000.

ROCKVILLE. Nd. Nov 9.-The
county commissioners of this county
have offered a reward OF loo for the
information leading to The arrest and
conviction of the person or persons who
poisoned two horses belonging to Oliver
q. Henley, on the night of Thursday.
The first day of November, 1906, near
Etchison, this county.
The Washington times., 1906-11-09
You Can't Beat This Weather
TIMELY TIPS.

a man in search OF a wife Is an OPT
mist-always looking for the best.
Half the girls who sigh for an affinity
don't know what the word means.
A great many scales are accurate, but
It would be hard work TO convince 4
jury OF this.
When alone in Paris, leave at once.
II you want 10 give a girl the glad
hand adorn q with a solitaire
Good things won't keep in family jars.
The Washington times., 1906-11-09

"He stabbed the man nine times with
a meat ak. your honor"
What was your provocation, prison
er?''
He kept saying 4 told you So all the
way from Pennsylvania avenue TO u
street"
"Justifable homicide"
The Washington times., 1906-11-09

The worm will turn. A Canada bank
cashier has fed to the United States.
This is where we start an importation
movement that viii not injure any home
industries.
The Washington times., 1906-11-09

The Pullman COmpany's SS5.OOO.OOO sur
plus is TO be divided, but in the an
nouneement there is an unaeeountable
omission TO state the proportion that
Will go to patrons.
The Washington times., 1906-11-09

People who ars perfectly sure that
Uncle Sam would wipe Japan off the
face of the seas at first encounter are
respectfully requested 10 read I'D on
the latest advices concerning the jana
nese naval expansion.
The Washington times., 1906-11-09

Governor Beckham. as a Napoleon Of
politics, is going to make a campaign
into the Senatorial Russia. He win ind
It about as chilly as the other Napoleon
discovered it to be.
The Washington times., 1906-11-09

Although election is over. it still seems
TO be the open season for the BROOKLYN
Rapid Transit. The State railroad com
mission has told it to quit running omen
cars.
The Washington times., 1906-11-09
Serve hot.
He WILL

"Peary VIII reach the pole some day.
How will be get there7'
by degrees, Of course