Willmar tribune. [volume] (Willmar, Minn.) 1895-1931, 1906-01-31
Pittsburg and find them, and grant
their demands, and get them to go to

eAAS.A $Neu1dA0S, anu get them 10 go 20
work. ~ l.
Pa was sent out to find a bunch OF
them, and it cost pa over $50 to get
them out of beer garden, and back
To the lot, and it was almost daylight
before we got our train started for the
next town.
Well, at the next town we could see
there was something the matter with
the animals. They acted as though
they had lost all interest in the sue
cess OF the show, and wouldn't do
any OF their stunts worth cent. Tho
elephants went through their act
carelessly, and when they were scolded
or prodded with the iron hook, they
got mad and wanted to fight, and when
they got back from the ring to tho
animal tent they wouldn't eat the
baled hay, but threw it all over the
tent, and acted riotous.
The kangaroos would not do their
boxing act, the horses kicked at their
hay, and wouldn't eat their oats, the
came1s growled at their food, and
scared the people who passed by where
they were tied to stakes, the sacred
cattle got their backs up and acte,l
as though they, being pious, couldn't
swear, but would like to hire the n.y.
enas to swear for them; the giraffes
laid down and curled their necks so
they were no attraction to the show.
cause a giraffe is no curiosity unless
he stretches himself away up towards
the top OF the tent. The zebras rolled
IN the mud and spoiled their stripes,
SO people couldn't tell them from COM
mon mules; the grizzly bear walked
his cage, and kept giving vent to bear
language, and the big lion was howl
ing all the time.
The show was a failure at that town,
and when we loaded the train the
managers held a meeting in our car
to decide what in thunder was the
matter with the animals. All kinds
OF theories were advanced, such as
poison, malaria from Indiana, and
pure cussedness. After they had dls-
cussed the matter awhile, pa came in,
and they asked him what he thought
about it, and that tickled pa, cause
as foolish as he looks, he helps the
show out of lots of bad holes. Pa
lit a cigar and put it in one side of his
mouth, put his hat up on one side OF
his head, like he was tough, and
looked wise, and said:
Fellow fakirs, I have been watch
ing the animals all day, and while I
do not say they understand enough of
the ways of human beings to be post
ed on labor unions, and all that,
want to tell you they are on a strike.
and that grizzly and that lion are
the walking delegates that are stir.
ring them up to mischief. They may
not know anything about the team
sters' strike, but they know something
has happened, and they are displeased
at something, and they have lost re-
spect for the employer. They are on
a strike, and the very devil is going to
pay tomorrow, unless the cause of
the dissatisfaction is discovered. mu-
tual concessions made, and arbitration
resorted to.
Gentlemen, you hear me-" said pa,
and he sat down on the edge of the
arm OF the car seat.
They gave pa the laugh, but finally
told him to take charge Of the strike
and settle it quick, but they wanted
to know what he thought animals
would be dissatisfied about, as long as
they got food enough to eat
Pa said: "I'll tell you. You feed
the horses and other hay-eating ami
mails on musty baled hay, bought
from contractors that may have had
it on hand for five years. How would
you like 1T if yoa were served with
breakfast: food that had been stored
in a warehouse until it was widowed !?
A horse or an elephant has feelings.
Give them baled hay, and when they
are trying to pick out a. mouthful that
is not spoiled, you drive along with a
load of nice new-mown timothy or al
falfa, and see them make rush foc
that load of hay, the way my ten-horse
team did the other day for that load Of
cornstalks. Then the sacred cattle
are hot under the collar because OF
the fellows who use profanity. eau
you imagine sacred COW trying to be
good and set pious example to the
heather animals, being patient when
they have to listen to swearing? You
buy meat that is tainted for the lions,
who like fresh meat, and the jackal,
that only loves bad meat, gets the only
sirloin in the lot. Let me run the
menagerie tomorrow, and will have
Mr.. Lion, the walking delegate, declare
this strike Off
Well, they told pa to arbitrate the
strike, and the next day he had a.
couple of loads of timothy hay, such
as mother used to make, driven IN
and unloaded, and the horses, ele-
plants, camels, and things almost set
up a cheer for pa. The meat-eating
animals were given a picnic of the
freshest beef, with little so decayed
that it was only fit to be buried, for
the hyenas and jackals, and every
animal was happy. They did their
turns better than ever, and the sacred
cattle almost acted devilish.
Now the animals have declared the
strike off, and they want to lick pas
hand. The owners of the show ap-
rreciate genius and they have raised
pas salary and given him full charge
of the menagerie.