The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1906-09-26

for. That warm thrill and vibration
neck, and invading every limb with it's
harmonies! Or should he tantalize
himself, let himself get thirstierzfor it.
before indulging it? The more he
wanted it the more ecstatic was the
quenching Of that internal thirst He
wanted it, but it was better to want it
more. Even the want of it was pleas
urable, when he knew that he could
satisfy that want when he chose. He
felt sure, too, that in moderation it
could do him no harm. One had to heal
one s self by degrees of habit of this
kind. And then he remembered when he
had last said that to himself, the day be-
fore that on which Lily and Maud had
thrown his bottle away. That had been
an unwise move of theirs; he had fully
intended to break himself gradually Of
the habit, but what they had done had
brought on hideous headache-the
last, by the way, that he had had. Of
course, he had to take the drug to re-
lieve that. Otherwise he would not
have taken it that day.
But now he had been without it for
three weeks, That was an immense
gain. But he wanted it now. Yes,
craving to get stronger. That instinct
i've swallowing movement of his throat
and tongue had begun, and that was al
ways the signal he waited for. But he
must still be cunning, he must prevent
the possibility Of suspicion conveying
itself to Maud. That, however, was
not difficult It was as easy as lying;
just as easy, in fact; there was no diff
ference whatever between them. And
he looked at her, at her big violet eyes
just moist with tears, at her mouth just
trembling little with the feeling that
inspired her words, and spoke without
hesitation or bungling. es
= eyes, I believe that,' he said. s'I
: am going to God direct, as you say. T.
am not a Christian Scientist, but I do
believe in his omnipotent power for
his presence. I should probably, as
you thought, have refused to leave Eng
land if l had known why I was being
brought here: But I thank you for
bringing me.'
He paused a moment, wondering as a
bystander who knew his heart, might
wonder at the profanity and wicked
ness of what he was saying, since all
the time he was merely disarming her
possible suspicious in order to be able
to 90 to his cabin and be alone to un-
lock the dispatch box. He realized,
too, that it would require a greater po-
tency than quarter dose to enable him
to forget what he had just said, and
slide blissfully off into that state Of
consciousness which alone was worthy
of the name of life. Half dose sure
that is to say, of the bigger doses
which he had prescribed for himself.
There was, too, little more to be said
yet. Incomplete lying was ever tao
teal error. And his brain, flaming
with desire, should make his next words
absolutely convincing to his sister. =:
''Sir James is a very clever doctor.
no doubt he said, "but he certainly
made mistake when he thought my
will power was dead, or something to
that effect. I am glad he said it, and
of opinion acts as a tonic. I will show
him if it is dead. And did he really
:. suppose I should consent to 90 to sea
for a week without opium, if T did not
mean to be cured in spite of him9O
The desire was infaming his brain
more and more every moment, making
It's it supernatuIally cunning. He de,
words; he had protested a little too
much. But that again was easily recti-
fed SO
IT shouldn't have said in spite Of
him. he said, s'because that makes
it appear as if thought that, having
given me up, he didn It wish me to get
well. But, my goodness, how his pre-
scription of sea air is acting already.
I was a log when started, and now.
Maud, am not different? And about
your fear that shouldn't have come
if I had known what our ultimate goal
is, I am more than reconciled to it. 1
am impatient to get there. So we have
finished our talk, have we not9 I have
said all I wish to say. Ny recovery, If
am to recover, is left in other hands
the best, the only ones. I can only
say that with all the power Of will that
And if that is not to be, you may know
that, tho too late, was willing. -
Again he wondered at his wickedness.
but did not regret it. It was so vastly