Heppner gazette. [volume] (Heppner, Morrow County, Or.) 1892-1912, 1906-11-15

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She Con shipboard) is the moon up
dear? He-If it isn't it's lonesome :
Exchange.
Madam-Have you had experience.
COok-I've had tin places this month";
Harper's Bazaar.
Tommy-Pop, what is fret-work
Tommy's Pop-Wrinkles, my son.
Philadelphia Record.
| She-SO you have had a great many
thrilling escapes? He-Yes-I am still
achelor.-Detroit Free Press.
"Is he a criminal or corporation
lawyer" Both. He's a criminal cor
poration lawyer. r.'-Omaha News.
Ethel-How long have the Newly
riches been in society! Bob-From the
way they play golf l should judge about
two days.-Judge.
Bacon-She says she is % years old.
Egbert-Well, she looks as If she
would say she was about that old
Yonkers Statesman.
Tommy-Uow do girls spend their
time? Jimmy-Trying to make little
boys stop asking questions and big
boys begin.-EXchange
Medium-I see large dark obstacle
rising suddenly in your way. Railroad
'Magnate-I guess that's my coal stock.
baltimore American
Life Is so uncertain" she said. 81
know it." he replied. lets get married.
One of us may die within few years"
Chicago Record Herald.
"De man dat nurses unreasonable
hopes" said Uncle Eben, may be fool
ish, but amt 50 foolish as de one dat
nurses vain regrets. Washington
Star.
Il see, Katie that New York is to
have one policeman to every 521 inhab-
itants," said the lady Of the house.
"Well, ma'am, I've got mine" was
Katies reply.-Yonkers Statesman.
He--Do you remember the night
asked you to marry me? She-Yes,
dear. He-For a whole hour we sat
there and not a word did you speak.
All, that was the happiest hour Of my
life.-EXchange.
II would deem 1t a great favor If
you would give me a little writeup,"
said the poet to the editor Nothing
would please me more" replied the edit
or. when do you contemplate dying?
Sentinel.
"You must change this ending, said
the theatrical manager; Il want play
that ends happily. "All right" replied
the obliging dramatist; "Ill have my
hero and heroine divorced in the last
act. ct."-Philadelphia Record.
Not the Kind He Wanted.-A smart
young fellow called out to a farmer
who was sowing seed in his field, well
done, old fellow. you sow; reap the
fruits" maybe you WILL" said the
"for I'm sowing hemp"
Grandfather enthusiastically
Willie, don't you want to go through a
toy shop with me this afternoon and see
Ill the pretty things? Willie Gndiffer-
willing to, pop, If you will
get any pleasure out Of lt.-Life.
"Mr. Jones'" said the office boy, 81
,ot ter get off dis afternoon. Me gran
mother is dyin'." i've something for
'ou to do to-day, Johnnie" said Mr.. |
Jones; "but you may go at 4 o'clock"
'Aw! wot good is o'clock ?"-JudGe.
News Edtor-Here's cable from
'onstantinople saying the Sultan's prin-
'ipal amusement is soaring his wives
nto fits. Managing Editor-Well, head
t "a Harem- Scarem Fellow" and run
t in the joke column.-Philadelp
record.
you say you wouldn't like to get
ut?" exclaimed the prison visitor
Why, l thought you were in for life"
oh, worse than that. ma'am," replied
he convict. I'm in for a double life
We got two wives waiting outside."-
Ledger.
First Girl-What are you waiting
or? Why don't you finish your letter
} Ella? Second Girl don't know
-hether to say Ever yours with truest
we" or simply Yours affectionately."
ou see, | can't endure Ella-I think
he's detestable !-Tit-BitS.
Gracie-Oh, Mr.. Nocoyne, how lovely
you to bring me these beautiful
Dses- How sweet they are, and how
-esh! l do believe there is little
ew on them yet. Mr.. Nocoyne-
we'll, yes-there is; but I'll pay 1t
Observation-Disclosures Bits.