davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1906-04-20
Too Much TO Ask.

A traveller in the highlands observed
while at tavern in small village
very beautiful collie. At his request
the owner was pointed out to him. and
he asked the man what he would take
for the dog.
"Ye'll be taking him to American
the Scot asked cautiously.
Certainly, if you sell him to me-"
81 no coul' part vie Rob-" the dogs
owner then said emphatically. I'm
muckle fond-like o. him." And liberal
offers were no inducement.
To his astonishment, the traveller
later saw the dog sold to a drOver for
half what he had offered Snd after the
drover had disappeared requested an
explanation. "You said that you could
not sell him." he remarked.
A twinkle came into the highlander's
eyes.
mo; didna say I'd no sell him.
said cOuldna part vie him." he said.
"Rob'n be hame in two or three days
fra moo, but couldna ask him to swim
across the ocean. Ma; that wouP be
too muckle to ask"-Harper's Weekly.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1906-04-20
PcrsfuU Peasants.

There is probably no peasantry In
the world so ground down as the Per
sian. The agricultural laborer there,
as in China. never tries TO ameliorate
his condition for the simple reason that
if he earns more more is taken away
from him by the rulers OF the land.
The general condition OF the laboring
classes. however, does not seem TO be
so bad as might be supposed. In a
country so vast (5J0,000 square miles,
and so thinly populated (5,5OO.OOO In
alb a small and sufficient supply OF
food is easily raised. especially with
such prolific soil at the command OF
the poorest. At Shiraz there are two
harvests in the year. The self, sowed
in summer and reaped in autumn. con-
sists OF rice. cotton, Indian corn and
garden produce, and the tchatoi Is
sowed in October and November and
reaped from May till July. This Is ex-
clusively wheat and barley. Here also
grow grapes. oranges and pomegran-
ates. for which latter Shiraz Is famed.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1906-04-20
Half Deaf People.

"If you are deaf in one ear. said the
boilermaker, Il don't care about CIV
Ing you q job"
"Why?" asked the applicant.
Because you can't tell what direc
ton sounds come from; hence in
place like this you would be in great
danger"
"How do you know | can't tell what
direction sounds come fromT the ap
plicant demanded.
"No person deaf in one ear" replied
the boilermaker, "can do so. a man
deaf in one ear will look behind him
II n gun goes off on his right. He vii
look up In the air If child shrieks al
his feet He will look wildly in front
of him If locomotive whistles In his
rear A boiler shop is no place FOL
such n man."
81 knew l was like this" said the
applicant, "but | didn't know all hail
deaf people were"
"They all are" said the boilermaker
"and my shop is no place for them. -
Philadelphia Bulletin.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1906-04-20
Trouble ior uo,eranent cIerAs.

Trouble i'DS Government CteFhs.
Congress makes lots Of unnecessary
trouble for the government clerks"
said veteran employee. "but the
worst case know Of occurred some
years AGO. \ certain selator asked
the comptroller Of tie currency TO tell
him how much stock certain man
bad in ii national bank lie was in
formed that such in ,:Ia;.Ol was re-
garlcl as confidential and coJlI not be
given out"
We'll see about that" sail the sen
stor. who was plainly C.sappo.uted and
aisp!eased.
Several days later lie secured the
passage OF a resolution calling upon
the secretary of the treasury to furnish
the senate with the names and holdings
of the stockholders in al the national
banks in the country lie really want
ed TO know only The interest Of one
man in a bank. but he knew that he
couldn't get a resolution Of that kind
through the senate. so he included the
stockholders in all national banks. 1t
took the entire force Of the cOmptrol-
Ier's Office several weeks to prepare the
information. and when it reached the
senate nobody paid any attention to it
except the author Of the resolution, and
he merely looked at the mass Of papers
only long enough TO see about tie man
he was after and then tossed The pa
pers aside. 1t was an immense lot OF
work for nothing. Washington Star.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1906-04-20

"a single joint malacca cane will al
ways fetch from S400 to $780," said the
dealer.
"Why?"
Because malacca hardly ever grows
with enough space between the joints
to make single joint stick. Usually
the joints are not more than foot
apart. When you find in Singapore
that is where malacca comes from-a
piece Of malacca with the joints five
feet apart, so that it will make a single
Joint stick. come to me, and | will give
you $500 for It, Malacca sticks with
the joints three feet apart are worth
$50 or $40. Snakewood sticks, If they
are marked well-snakewOod comes
from British Guiana-are worth $40 or
$50. \ yellow ebony stick - ebony
comes to us in logs from Ceylon and
Mauritius-is worth 500 or SO. Wang
hee, from China, makes an excellent
and costly stick. \ perfect wanShee
is worth $20."-St. Louis Globe-Demo-
crat.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1906-04-20
Ont of the public.

When was a very little boy. writes
Sir William Gregory in his autobiog
raphy, my grandfather, who was then
undersecretary for Ireland, took me tc
the chief secretary's room in Dublin
castle and formally introduced me tc
Lord Melbourne.
After had been with him for some
little time he said, Now, my boy, Is
there anything here you would like"
YES" | answered, pointing TO q
very large stick of sealing wax.
That's right" said Lord Melbourne
pressing on me bundle OF pens; be
gin life early. All these things belong
to the public. and your business must
always be to get out of the public as
much as you can."-PearSon's Weekly
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1906-04-20

An American lady residing in Rome
presented 10 q friend. who is an abbe,
an intellectual man end familiar with
English. although no traveller, a copy
Of one of Mary wilkins New England
stories.
"The author of this, my dear friend"
she said, 'is the best portrayer Of New
England character we have. No other
writer has caught so we'll the charm Of
the place and the people. | hope you
will like IT,"
The abbe took the book and thanked
her. In a few days he came again and
returned it gingerly, saying a word or
two Of thanks.
Were you not pleased with the
quaint portrayal Of the life" asked
the lady.
"You say this is faithful portrayal
Of life in New England|
"Very faithful indeed"
The abbe sighed and said, with deep
sympathy, How sdI"-Reader Maga-
zine
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1906-04-20
whx Life preservers Are Useless.

"On my ship" said the captain, 1.-THE
stewards. the first day out, go to every
passenger and show just how the life
preservers are put on.
"The steward first says:
"'Excuse me, sir. but do you know
how to manipulate life preserver?
"Why. yes; suppose So the pas
senger replies.
"'Then. sir, if you please says the
steward. getting preserver down.
And he hands it to the passenger to
put on.
"The passenger nine times out of ten,
either puts the life preserver on wrong
or can't put it on at all. So the stew
ard shows him how to do it. He is i'm
pressed and grateful
1.-The life preServers, in shipwreck,
would be OF little use, for nearly all
The passengers would be unable to get
into them. There should be maritime
law requiring passengers drill with
the preServers every voyage, so that
each passenger in a catastrophe would
know how to save himself with the
means placed at his disposal. AS
things are now, there might as well be
no life preservers Oh ships. ."-Philadel-
phia Bulletin.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1906-04-20

Paris possesses a very fine gallery Of
modern masters, largely of the Bar
blzon school. not one of which is genu-
inc. 1t is TO the painter HarpignieS
that France is indebted for this queer
collection Of the spurious. Passing
through the Rue de Vaugirard one day,
his eye caught some canyaSeS in 4
window. They We're all signed by
prominent names, including his own.
and every signature was forged. Pass
ing inside, the list became more extern
sive, and the painter found himself in
the presence of false CorOts, DiaZes,
Daubignys, Lancrets. Isabeys, Neu-
villes and even English Turner's. The
revelation of his own identity enabled
Harplenies to become possessed of this
collection for something less than the
proverbial old song, and it may now
be inspected by those interested in
such matters at the state furniture de-
pot, where it is preserved as Il kind OF
high water mark In sophistication.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1906-04-20
Entertaining Lions.

Concerning lions, we all like to en-
tertain them. Most of them like to be
entertained. Birds Of q feather may
flock together. but lions rarely enjoy
the company Of their kind two OF a
kind never con a@ree). The solitary
thrush sln@s alone. 4 lion is like that
sort Of bird. | have seen more than
one dinner party spoiled by the multi
plicity OF lions at the table. The lion
likes TO have the floor TO himself He
is always in better humOr when there
is no other to dispute it with him.
When YOU have the luck to snare a lion
remember that he Is kingly creature
and select your guests with view to
his comfort and pleasure. 1t Is better
to invite lambs to meet a lion than to
ask another lion. Every circle has its
lambs.-Maud Howe I'm Harper's Ba-
Zar
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1906-04-20
The Curse of shiftIessness.

Whether shiftlesSness is a vice that
is ircurable or a habit that can be-
Overcome. it s anyhow condition that
ner lee, nd irrltates relieving off,
cials. Shi.tlessness is paying ones
last % cents for Il circus ticket without
learning where tomorrow's breakfast
is coming from. 1t is a refusal to re-
pair the leak in the roof when the sun
shines. Il is killing the goose that lays
the golden eggs. Ii takes no thought OF
the morrow. Il never lays up anything
for a rainy Cay. 1t always ignores OPP
portunitles. 1t prefers to rely on neigh
borhood bounty TO hustling for itself.
1t wyn't work. c;cect-under the pres
sure Of necessity. Ii never gets ahead
Hartford Times.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1906-04-20
Man who Beheadcd Charles 1.

The mysterious masked man VINO De-
headed Charles l. remains British ana
logue for the Nan With the Iron Mask.
Lilly. the lying astrologer, denounced
Cornet Joyce at the restoration, but
Joyce on the fatal 3Oth of January was
not in favor with Cromwell. The par
ish register of WhitechGpel records the
burial in 1919 of Richard Brandon. the
common hangman, and opposite the en-
try a contemporary hand wrote that
"Le cut OF tie head Of Charles the
FIT" Brandon himself asserted that
they made hin do il for $780," with
which he drank himself to death.-Dun-
dee Advertiser.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1906-04-20
Stay With 1t.

The first day mother sent me to
school | went home at recess, thinking
school was out. As have grown older
/ find that n whole lot Of people did the
same thing. and the sad part of the af-
fair is that too many of us never went
back. In life be careful that you don't
90 home at recess. If you start to learn
Il trade or profession. stay by it and
master il. Don't chase away at recess.
If YOU have Il business. attend 10 it.
Don't 90 home at recess. This going
home at recess has sent many busi-
ness man into bankruptcy. 1t has
caused mothers tears to flow and
mother hearts to ache 1t has made
crusty old bachelors and sour old maids.
It has filed worlds with ignorance and
made barren deserts of fertile plains.
Going home at recess means that you
have fallen asleep at the switch and
your train las plunged into the ditch.
Always stay until SCHOOL Is out.-Os-
borne County Qlan) Farmer.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1906-04-20

There Is no fresh air In the heart OF
London. according 10 the conclusions
OF recent investigator. He says: INC
evidence OF ozone was anywhere ap-
parent except ut Brownswood park, In
the northeast 1t was from the north
east quarter the wind was blowing
and the air had lost all trace OF ozone
before II had reached Hyde park. ~
Bushey park. although practically a
country district. no ozone was present
in the air, London had not only alb
stracted the goodness Out Of the air
that swept over ii. hut had added to il
the exhalatOns from the breath and
bodies Of millions OF human beings and
OF tens OF thousands OF animals. Per
sons living within one or two mile
radius Of Charing Cross cannot have
fresh air entering their dwellings at
any time"
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1906-04-20
PeKys That Carry q Vote.

The parish church Of Chertsey pos
sesSes a curious anomaly. 1t has sew
eral pews in its gallery which are
LOught and sold by auction, just like
table or Il chair, and these pews give
their owners for the time being q legal
right to vote at parliamentary elections
in the division. Moreover, the owners
Of the pews have to pay the poor rate
of f2 a year into the bargain, a privi-
lege they are not so eager to use as the
former one Many years ago the church
wardens of Chertsey were At theS wits
end in order to raise money for the res
toration and repair Of the sacred edi-
flee, and they could find no solution to
the question until some parishioners
suggested that they should sell the gal
lery pews TO the highest bidder. They
accepted the idea and obtained q spe-
cial act Of parliament allowing them to
do this and also giving the privilege OF
a parliamentary vote.-London Specta-
FOR
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1906-04-20
nrinkfrx Hot Water.

Persons who have irritability or the
heart should not drink hot water. HOT
water will cause palpitatiOn in such
cases. Persons with dilated stomachS
should avoid the drinking Of hot water;
persons afflicted with "sOur stomachs;
persons who have soreness or the
stomach or pain induced b. light pres
sure should also refrain from drinking
It. Hot water Will reeve thirst bet
fer than cold water. and for that pur-
nose il should not he condemned, but
hot water is an eXcitant. and IN cases
in which irritation of the stomach ex-
lists il should be avoided.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1906-04-20
u,Io Colar of Elnmes

You have often noticed the many
tinted bars and bands that rise in the
shane of ''forked tongues Of flames
from wood burning in the CRATE. Ii Is
ten to one. however. that you never
have thought to figure on the cause OF
the var.egated hues presented by
flames. TO bring the matter quickly
TO the point. we Will say that the many
colors are the result OF combustion
among the different elements of the
wool. The light blue is from the ny
Grocen and the white from the carbon;
the violet is from the manganese. the
red from the maGnesia and the yellow
from the soda. which are constituent
carts of the wood.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1906-04-20
Omens of BrickInyers.

Bricklayers believe ii is unlucky Il
lay the top brick ut the north corner o
a building. Some Of them would los
a days pay rather than imperil thei
future by doing such piece OF worf
A bricklayer often bricks up in IN
hollow of wall horseshoe with
cent tied to II. This he does FOR goo
luck. TO lay the FIRST and last brick o
any building but church brings goo
luck to the bricklayer. Churches ar
the luckiest buildings TO work on; ht
aters are the unluckiest. 1t Is bad luc.
to break q trowel.-New York Press.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1906-04-20
The First Man DrcssEnal<er.

AS far back as 1880 there was IN
Paris n man dreSsmaker, probably
the first Of his kind. His name was
RhomLerg. and lie was the son Of a
Bavarian peasant from the neighbor-
hood of Munich. He owed bis success
TO his genius for concealing and rene
diving defects Of figure. He drove n
beautiful carriage on the boulevard
and had an escutcheon in the shape
Of q pair Of corsets and an open pair
of scissors painted on the panel of each
door. He left large fortune to his
hnirc
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1906-04-20
PnrHce burial CustOms.

A Bombay correspondent. writing OF
the burial customs of the Parsees. says
The approach Of that transition we
call death is a signal for the relatives
TO leave the presence of the dying one,
the priest alone remaining to whisper
Zend- Avesta precepts into his ear lie
in turn passes out Of the room and ad'
mits a dog. who is trained to gaze
steadily into the face Of the dying one.
A dog is accounted the only living
creature that can terrOrize the evil
spirits. so the 'sas-did.' or dog stare.
is the last sight the Parsee has on
earth. No human shadow must inter
vene: otherwise the guardian virtue OF
the dogs gaze is annulied."
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1906-04-20
For Its VocabuIary's Sake.

Indirectly. more forcibly sometimes
than directly" said a senator, "a man
may be accused"
"Thus good woman OF, Cincinnati
called her cook one morning and said:
"Mary. come and take the parrot
ont of the bedroom at once. The mas
fer has lost his collar button
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1906-04-20
COrroborative.

"This." exclaimed the orator. "is
decadent nation, AS before the fall OF
Rome everything was rotten. so today
in our erstwhie fair land everything
Just here an egg struck him fairly.
His nostrils dlated.
81 desire" he continued, before re
firing to add that this egg is corrobora
tive evidence. e."-Philadelphia Ledger.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1906-04-20
Doctors aud SOIemnlty.

The days are past when every sell
respecting Goc,or was expected to dress
In a style tastefully blending the d.
vine with the undertaken. But "sus-
tanned and lmpenetrable sOlemnity' Is
still priceless possession for those
who would achieve success in medi-
cine. If this Is a natural gift. so much
the better; if not. it should be acquired
at anv cost.-British Medical Journal.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1906-04-20

81 must warn you. Bridget" SAID
Mrs. Nuritch, Ito see that the peas are
thoroughly mashed"
Mashed. is it," remarked the new
cook in surprise.
Yes Mr.. Nulitch is SO high strung,
you know, they make him nervous
when they roll off his knife. ."-EX-
change.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1906-04-20
nrudwery.

. The everyday cares and duties which
men call drudgery are the weights ana
counterpolses Of the clock of time CIV
Ing its pendulum true vibration and
its hands a regular motion, and when
they cease TO hang upon its wheels the
pendulum no longer swings, the hands
no longer move, the clock stands stili.
-Longfellow.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1906-04-20
DOdging Him.

Mr.. Borem u didn't see you last
Sunday Miss Cutting - Oh, you
must have if you saw me at all. Mr.
Borem-I-er beg pardon. | don't un-
derstand. Miss Cutting-I say If you
saw ne Sunday you must have seen
ne last. for | was careful TO see you
Press.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1906-04-20

Tn an article in Law Notes On "Ine
Origin of the Term Lynch Law men
ton was made OF the fact that former
lv the term "Lydford law was usea
in the same sense in England. A Nor'n
Carolina Judge in recent case quoted
the following lines:
LOTT have heard Of Lydford law.
How iu the morn they hang and draw
And sit In judgment after
They seem to show the existence OK
a similar summary punishment IN Eng
land
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1906-04-20

Few people are aware OF the fact
that the Orkney and Shetland islands
strictly speaking. belong to the King
dom OF Norway. Toward the close OF
the fifteenth century King Christian OF
Norway plclged the Orkneys and the
Shetlands. over which his rule was un-
disputed. to King James iii. of Scot
land for the payment Of the dowry OF
his daughter Margaret. who became
queen OF Scotland. The pledge has not
yet been redeemed
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1906-04-20
A Case For Sympathy.

81 have three children, who are the
very image Of myself" said Jones en-
Enthusiastically.
II pity the youngest" returned
Brown quietly.
"WhyT asked Jones.
Because he Is the one who will have
to resemble you the longest said
Brown.-Tit-B Bits.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1906-04-20

Persons who want to sell their
Farms, or Property would do well to
place them in our hands for sale. We
have a list of customers who want TO
buy property, and if the prices are
reasonable we can make quick sales,
J. N. Davis g. Co., Real Est. Agents
Woodstock. Va.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1906-04-20

Mohammedans Of the Caucasus have
4 religious ceremony called "Chucksee
Wucksee" 1t IS a ceremony In which
the fanatics cut and wound themselves
in the following CHASTITY fashion, ac-
cOrdng to a traveller: Each man.
grasping 4 l;injal in his hand. brought
it up ~ font and down on the crown
of his head Almost 1T every stroke
the blood ,uSha! .or,A. and 81 one
man after a40 A1c ln,~.-.e >ia ,er
inc h',oI ,o.'al . ,---.. "
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1906-04-20

The Lion-The leopard, you know,
cannot change his spots. The Zebra
Well. I can't change my stripes either,
but no one ever thought il Of sufficient
interest to make a proverb of.-Phila-
delphia Record.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1906-04-20
To Scrnne m Acnunintance.

"To scrape an acquaintance was
originated 10y the Emperor Hadrlan.
Once when visiting the public bath he
found an old veteran scraping himself
with piece of broken. crockery in lieu
of an iron or copper scraper. Hadrlan
gave him n sum of money to provide
the necessary materials for a bath and
on his next visit to the institution
found il full Of veterans scraping them
selves with pOtsherds. ''Scrape away
gentlemen. but you shall not scrape an
acquaintance with me-" was Hadrian's
comment as he went out.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1906-04-20

Men are often capable of greater
things than they perform. They are
sent into the world with bills ofcredit
and seldom draw to their full extent
Walpole.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1906-04-20
FARM FOR SALE.

One of the best small farms in Shen-
andoah county, situated 5 miles West
of Mt. Jackson, containing 43 acres.
Improved by good 9 room dwelling,
stable, machine sheds, granary, dry
houses. and all necessary out build
ings. 400 choice fruit trees from TO
l. years old. The best bargain in
the county. Apply TO
J. n. Davis & Co.
The Real Estate people of the Valley,
~. Woodstock, Va
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1906-04-20
Bound to Disagree.

Hiclss-The Idea of his marrying Miss
Roxley. Why. he's dyspeptic! Wicks
What has that TO do with 1t? She
has plenty OF money. and Hicks
That's lust II. She'll never agree with
him: she's too rich. Exchange.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1906-04-20
The Difference.

Mr.. Wholesale - Want n job. EN-!
What can you do? Applicant-Noth'
ing. Mr.. Wholesale - Say. you don't
want Job" What you want Is a
.positiou."-New York Press.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1906-04-20
VALUABLE FARM
FOR SALE.

Loudoun county containing 43O
acres If land $50 acres of which Is
cleared in a high state of cultivation,
90 acres in Oak and Hickory timber,
275 acres in grass, fine timothy and
clover). The land is rolling and is
welled watered by branches in all
fields. and the entire farm is well fenc-
ed, new dwelling of 6 rooms, halls
and porches, new barn 20x40 #. old
barn 40x40 #, % stalls, new black
smith shop, hen house and meat house,
l good tenant house, and , servants
cabins, good we'll of water in yard
and one in barn yard. The entire
farm is in HIGH STATE of cultivation,
having been farmed by owner. ! mile
from Lunette Z. o., 9 miles from rail
road at GAINESVILLE and convenient to
stores. schools and churches.
Price $40. per acre, on liberal pay
ments. Apply to
j. n. DAVIS & Co.
Real Estate Agents,
Woodstock, Va.