davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1906-05-05
Ministers Late Risere

ministers is the latest risers. Doc
tors comes next said the cook.
She was entertaining the maids from
next door: AS she hustled about get
ting the tea and cake ready she talked
necessarily, like a machine. The maids
listened, their eyes fixed on the COLA
ton that each moment grew more
tempting under her hand
Some ministers don't rise till TO-
she said. There's hardly one of them
that you'll find up by s. Nine or half
past is their average hour
You see, they don't have no Office
to go to at certain time. They have
no early appointments that must be
kept. They have no clerks that they
must look after. Consequence is. they
become the latest risin' class of men
on earth.
i've worked around considerable in
my time. I've had forty-seven places,
all told. Some has been with doctors.
some with business men and eleven
with ministers. The ministers is the
best to live with. They are so con-
siderate and generous and they have
such perfect dispositions. If they
would only get quit of this lazy habit
of loafin' away the morning in bed
they'd be class without a. fault"
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1906-05-05
NOTHING LEFT TO LIVE FOR.
With Broken Fiddle Went All Joy Of
Musician's Life.

Musicians Life.
Nat Wills, who has put aside the
BrOadhurst ambitions that he become
a high priced star and taken 1.-THE
Duke of Duluth" back to the popular
circuit that likes him. tells a story
of a German 'cellist with whom he
once came in sudden contact.
The bass violin player relates
Nathaniel, was stopping at the same
hotel, and we were both in the office
when a small boy thrust his head in
the door and shouted, The opery-
house is on fire! -
Mine Gott!' shrieked the music
ian, a short. fat. and excitable Ger
man, mine fiddle!' and he rushed
madly for the theater. Reaching
there he hurried through the stage
door and into the orchestra pit The
theater was a mass of flames in the
rigging loft, but the beloved fiddle
was still safe. Its owner seized it and
started to make his escape the way
he came. Too late! the stage itself
was now roaring furnace! The Ger
AAuA SCdSSSI6u ~ d NluuO" Luc&t Opcu"
ed on the street and raised it. was
standing with the crowd.
"'Quick, Nat!' he gasped; ttake de
6ddle!' and he thrust the neck through
the window. The body Of the violin
was too large and it stuck fast. A
dozen willing hands seized it, there
was sound Of splintering wood, a
wall from the German. Mine Colt!
don't break it, and we all fell back
wards with only the neck in our
grasp! We were forced to reach in
and drag that crazy German away
from the remainder of his beloved in
strument, and with the broken neck
c1asped in his arms and the tears
rolling down his blistered cheeks he
turned to me and demanded:
lis dot de way to save a mans
fiddler"
Fiddle be hanged! You're lucky
to escape with your life!
":Yah, but volts de use?'"
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1906-05-05
Beauchamp's Pie.

Lou Beauchamp is fond of pie. Re.
Gently at the Roanoke (Va.) Chautau-
qua, he felt the need of refreshments
after his lecture. So, in company with
Mrs. Beauchamp and Ellsworth Plum.
stead, he entered restaurant and
called for pie-apple pie.
The waiter produced a triangular
section of something or other, and
Beauchamp tested the sharpest point.
Then he called the waiter again.
"Here, what sort of pie in this you've
brought me?"
The waiter picked up the plate,
peered under the upper crust at the
conglomerate combination there re.
vealed, hesitated a moment, and said !:
what kind of pie did you order?"
"Apple," answered the hungry hui
morist.
ooh, that's apple" replied the waiter
with an air of relief.-Talent.
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1906-05-05

one coulo FeaaIy look up 10 MIN.
fast. Mary was a great girl" fine
figure of woman" regular ANA
ZOn.''
Among other wooers came Bob Jen-
nings, but unfortunately for him he
was so short that Mary overlooked
him altogether. Bob clerked it in
dry goods store, receiving only a few
dollars week, but he became quite
sentimental about Mary. He would
have proposed, to make her conscious
of his devotion, save for Toms ill.,
timed joke.
Consider the frightful expense OF
clothing Mary. It's contract, nothing
less"
Jennings WINGED. His limitations
forced him to the background, and his
attentions diminished.
However, Mary was too truly wom-
anly to pass through life without low
ing, SO that she and Ned Bryant were
keeping company before she gave it a
thought. Bryant was handsome and
doing we'll in business
One evening they sat together on
| the sofa; seated Mary could forget her
proportions. The room was dimly
lighted. Ned had Eeen speaking OF
his future, and in the short silence
that followed it dawnej on Mary what
lovable fellow Ned was, that his
| visits were the sweetest experience
in her life, and meeting his g.ance
she vaguely wondered what he thought
! of her.
will you marry me?" Bryant cues.
| toned abruptly, almost as though he
real her heart. Mary felt her cheeks
redden and her hands tremble like
those of any small, helpless woman.
"I-don't know''-her voice was al
most caress.
Il love you,' pleaded Ned: imprison-
ing her hands and drawing her to him.
Say yes, DEAR" Mary's head dropped
to his shoulder and there is no know
ing what she might have promised,
had not Tom at that juncture burst
! into the room. Tom was never fail
ing factor in his sisters life.
little later Mary stood in the hall
as Bryant was leaving. Ned's eyes
were bright, his tone eager and full of
confidence
We'll kill Tom, when we are mar
ried,'' he promised cheerfully. "He
grows a nuisance. l had so much to
say, dearest, but Ill come tomorrow.
KISS me sweetheart"
A simple request, but it brought
Mary back from heaven and down to
earth. A lover should take kiss, not
ask for it; and alas, Mary was too
"big'' for that. Where was the 70.
nance, if she must stoop to invite her
lovers caress? It would all be too
premeditated, while Mary, in spite yof
her greatness" was only a woman
craving the weakness and sentiment
of her sex.
Disillusioned, Mary, instead OF kiss
ing her lover, burst into tears and fed
up the stairs, her castle tumbling
about her ears. 70
In the end she. married the black
smith. There was no Tong or short
about it, as she was careful to: inform
Tom, and when as sometimes hap.
pened, her husband blackened her
-
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1906-05-05
ruznq TRAGEDY 80
81 O. GREATNESS
RYEZHZ Rz22VT7772V
BY kZIzZZ dZEz2I1E7l2IT
Copyright, 1905. by Daily Story Pub. Coz

Mary was great girl. Her friends
usually described her in this manner,
not referring especially to goodness or
cleverness, only to bulk. She was tall,
just over the mark of six feet, and
generously built, with broad shoulders,
full bust and rounded hips. Mary was
not handsome, only passably good look
ing. She wore Fights in gloves, seven
and half in shoes, and realized every
inch Of her size. The doctor pro-
nounced her at birth fine, big girl, -
and she continued to grow, while her
family rejoiced in her
Mary never forgot the first time her
inches assumed the proportions of a
drawback. It occurred while attending
school with small companions of six or
seven summers. Even at that early
age she lowered full head above her
compeers, thus attracting the notice OF
directories.
"A great girl like you in the infant
glass; she had exclaimed scathingly,
while poor Mary, crimson to the roots
,of her hair, felt forty pairs of eyes
turned questioningly upon her, as her
classmates suddenly realized how
large she was: The teacher good ma
turedly came to her rescue.
But Mary is only six, and good
child"
"Dreadful!' commented the direct
Dress. She was slightly deaf, so as it
entailed trouble, rarely listened to
what others said. For shame!" she
proceeded in a tone that set the entire
glass quivering; "the high stool with a
ounces cap for less, in my young
days." With that the self-satisfed
official swept from the room, her silk
uustling and her eyes glazing at Mary
to the very last.
Small as the incident was, it became
as the apple of knowledge to the child
She was different to others, her size
must be lived up to. 1t became life
under high pressure, as she struggled
TO be ever in advance of other chill
hren of her age. She renouiced her
former chums, playing assiduously
with girls several years her senior.
Next she sacrificed dolls, being too
f'great a girl to be such a baby Even
her fears of the dark caused ridicule,
she was $50 big" Fairy tales, which
Hhe adored, were devoured in secret
only; publicly her literature became
advanced, as in every way she endeav.
bred to eQualize the standard of her
growth. 1t was strenuous, but hardly
satisfying.
Yet with all these efforts Mary hard
~ held her own, measured by inches,
she grew so fast. Anxiously she
sighed for the day when her full sta.
ture being attained, the worst would
be known. She went into long dresses
and did her hair up on the top of her
head, while her elder sister still
scorned such adornments. She be-
game joke in the family. Her broth
ers leased her necessarily, not under
standing the sting of it ALL
When Mary actually arrived al
Womanhood the fact was hard to real
aze, she had pretended so long, but
still she found small comfort. She
might have turned the tables on he1
brothers by laughing at them for being
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1906-05-05

under size, only that, in her eyes, was
their chief advantage. The unwelcome
gift Of height was hers alone. She
was taller than any of her family.
taller even than any man she knew.
J "You'll marry fellow about five
feet two, and that will be the long and
short of it," derided brother Tom.
The jest burned itself into Mary's
brain as warning, and she cast about
in her mind to discover how many
men would be eligible for matrimony
providing she barred those shorter
than herself.
Had the roll call been answered in
pefson, it would have proved lament
ably small. consisting solely Of Joe
Murphy, the blacksmith who stood six
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1906-05-05
Absent Minded.

Dear me, Bridget, isn't it TINE ycu
learned to set the table without help:
think that after l have trained YOU
for year I ought not to feel obliged
to always look at the table before a
meal is served"
Sure, mum, me ould mother did be
either schouldin' me for corgittin' whin
was back home in County Galway.
Bridget she'd be sayin', it's yerself
do be sittin' there SEWN, and here's
the pig a-walkin' round. the corner
wild yer t'imble in his mout' ''-Lipp1n-
colts.
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1906-05-05
HARD TO. PHOTOGRAPH DEAF.
Their Infirmity Gives Them a Hard,
Fixed Exnression

q
Fixed Expression.
THAT isn't good picture" said the
photographer, with an air Of apology.
The man was DEAF
How can that infirmity affect the
plcture?" asked a visitor.
1T gives his face a tense, strained
look,' said the photographer "Al}
deaf persons have that expression
when placed before a camera. They
sit with their heads tilted forward and
eyebrows uplifted, as if waiting for the
command to look pleasant. Generally,
suppose, that is what they are wait
ing Tor. But even after 1 have given
the order to brace, their muscles re-
fuse to relax
whats that?" says the deaf man
"hen he sees my lips move.
Look PLEASANT shout again.
Oh says he.
HE takes his hand from behind his
ear and tries to assume a beaming
countenance, but he only compromises
on hxed glare. None of the devices
known to the Photographic trade can
d1spel that. In fact, the more bust
ness | Introduce to charm my sub
Jec1 into joyful state the more rigid
MS facial muscles become. He is
listening always for further instruc-
tlons. Whether they come or not, the
look OF expectancy is there. For that
reason the deaf are the hardest people
IN the world to photograph. If an ar
lists reputation depended upon the
pictures ne makes of them he would
soon be obliged to go out of business ;"
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1906-05-05
Where Glory Waits Thee.

Go where glory waits thee,
But. while fame elates thee,
Oh! still remember me.
When the praise thou meetest
TO thine ear is sweetest,
Oh! then remember men.
Other arms may press thee,
All the joys that bless thee
SWeeter far may be;
But when friends are nearest,
And when joys are dearest,
Oh! then remember me.
When at eve thou royest,
By the star thou lowest,
Oh! then remember me.
Think, when home returning,
Bright we've seen it burning;
Oh! thus remember me.
OFT as summer closes,
When thine eye reposes
On it's lingering roses,
Once so loved by thee,
Think of her who wove them,
Oh! then remember me.
When, around thee dying,
Autumn leaves are lying,
Oh! them rem ember me.
And, at night, when gazing
On the gay hearth blazing,
Oh! still remember me.
Then, should music, stealing,
All the soul Of feeling,
To thy heart appealing,
Draw one tear from thee:
Then let memory bring thee
Strains I used to sing thee
Oh! then remember me.
Thomas Moor,
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1906-05-05
One Smith to Be Remembered,

John S. Wise OF Virginia said OF
Fitzhugh Lee when the latter was run
ming for governor of that state that
he never would, have been heard OF
had he been named Smith instead of
Lee. The general in his ;: campaign
speeches combated that idea and
pointed out that great many noted
men had borne the name OF Smith.
One day he was addressing a large
crowd and as usual spoke of great
citizens who had worn the despised
cognomen. :. An inebriated 4 citizen
waited until the orator had finished
his list. Then he rose and said with
.tipsy gravity Say Chic, gent, don't
forget old man Smith that (hio) Killed
.Pocahontas I: \. I. .s; III;
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1906-05-05

eyes, bruised or ill-treated her, she
consoled herself with the thought that
at least he was "big enough" to do it.
Thus Mary became a philosopher,
unconsciously proving the sense of HUI
NOR is not quite extinct il woman
kind.
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1906-05-05
The Poets Lot.

The poets lip curled scornfully.
But this isn't blank verse;" he ex-
planned. BLANK verse has no rhyme
in it, whereas here rhyme is rife.
'Mirky-turkey.' Pumpkin-bumpkin.
'Frolic-colic.' Don't you see?'
The editor, however, still insisted
upon declining the manuscript
II called it blank verse;" he said,
Ito spare your feelings. 1t was a
much stronger word. really, that had
in mind'
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1906-05-05
ACCORDING to Dorothy.

Dorothy is sweet little maid of two
and half. Her father never carries a
cane, and one day when caller came
in with one she was observed standing
before it in rapt contemplation.
|'Well, Dorothy" said her mother,
whats that?''
Dorothy looked up with a puzzled
expression. '@Umbwella wivout any
clothes on" said she.-Lppincott'
Magazine.
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1906-05-05
Fidd'inq Lawyer.

The trial was over and the red
faced man had lost his case.
"You KNOW" said the kind Judge,
1T a man dances he must play the
fiddler"
Il know that, judge" replied the
man with the forid complexion, as
he pointed straight at his lawyer:
''but it's pretty hard to have to pay
q fiddler like t,at!''
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1906-05-05
1hfee-ouarter Horse,

T'7eV'QUdTeeT TTVTse'
Il thought your horses name was
Bill"
1T was, but I've changed it to Coal
Bill"
jet black, suppose?"
Eyes, but that isn't the reason !
call him Coal Bill put him on the
scales yesterday and he lacked 500
pounds Of weighing kansas
City Telegram.
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1906-05-05

feet four in his stockings. Brawny as
Jove himself, he was uncouth, and
much feared because of his violent
temper.
Yet Mary experienced sort OF re-
lief in his presence. She could really
look up to him, which wonderful fact
likewise, gave him point of view pos
sessed by no one else of Mary, and
he loved her after his rough fashion.
Joe's attentions rather frightened her,
hence she resolved never to marry,
such happiness was not for one of her
build. Then she fell back on platonic
friendship and got herself into much
trouble. Attentions came thick and
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1906-05-05
The, New Reujme,

JIG I've" nSSItnEs
DR.. Lubig had passed on, and many
OF his patients were employing DR..
Pond. A little girl who had a good
many brothers and sisters proudly an.
nounced to neighbor:
I'VE have new baby at our house. u
"A new baby!" said the neighbor.
where did you get it?''
well, we used to take from DIR.
Lubig; now we take from DR.. Pond."-
Life.
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1906-05-05
Awful to Contemplate.

Most of US seem to forget said the
ponderous person, chat actions speak
louder than words :.
Gracious exclaimed Henpeck, 'it
they speak louder than my wife's
words want to keep on forgetting"
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1906-05-05
WeiQhty.

This is no light undertaking you
are about" said the convict, as his
chain.
NO." answered the latter, thought
fully, 'but it will add weight to the
step that you are about to take.''
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1906-05-05
To Paint Miniatures Of America,

Viscountess Maitland the we'll
known miniature painter, arrived last
week from England for an extended
stay, during which she will paint a
number Of miniatures of prominent
people, among them half dozen
which she has been commissioned to
do for members of the Presidents:
family.
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1906-05-05
The WHY Butcher.

The Custome--"I told you I wanted
a porterhouse steak
The Butcher-"Excuse me, ma'am,
thought you said round"
The Customer-"I said porterhouse."
The Butcher-"Did you, ma'am?
Then I got it turned round"
I He calmly reverses it.
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1906-05-05
Scoring Against the Parson.

Don't you think, Miss Sharp" said
the clergyman, that since marriage
is such holy thing it is singular mar
riages are not made in heaven?"
"Perhaps, sir" replied the young
woman, 1T is difficult to find clergy
man there Boston Transcript.
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1906-05-05
A Bad Case.

A Bad Case.
what arrangements did the school
trustees make with that new teacher?'
*'He is to get $50 a month to find
himself"
"Good heavens! He's so absent
minded that if he had to find himself
he will go to home for lost chill
dren.'
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1906-05-05
An Explanation.

do you know why the Mohamme-
dams go to mosque so regularity"
i, NO."
the tower calls the faithful to prayer
and the men are afraid if they don't
go their wives won't believe they are
faithful. New Orleans Times-Demo-
crat.
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1906-05-05
To Honor Patriotic Chef

Residents of Nice are about to erect
a, statue in memory. of Nebain Dubois.
who for many years was chief cook to
the kaiser's grandfather. King Viii
liam of Prussia, receiving. q salary of
$4,000 year.. As soon as the Franco:
Prussian war was declared he re-
signed to fight against his former en-
p1over. & b : 4 3. 8
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1906-05-05
Not Much Remaining.

Not Much Remaining.
Wayside William-"It SEE in de
Weekly Lookin' Glass dat cutaway
coats is all de go now on Fift' ave-
nue."
Tattered Tommy-"You're right in
de swim, den; yours is most all cut
away"
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1906-05-05
His Natural Conclusion.

His Natural Conclusion.
I'm entertaining Miss Sniggs, the
most popular girl in our Glass; said
the Bryn Mawr girl. 3'1'd like you to
meet her"
mo, thank you" replied Dick. I'm
not interested in 1omely girls
why, how did you know she was
nomely?"
"She must be or she wouldn't be so
popular with you other girls; also you
wouldn't want me to meet her"
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1906-05-05
On the Rialto.

On the RIaIto.
First Thespian-Ah, me lad, and
now runs the world with you to-day:
Second Thespian-Sadly, i faith
most sadly!
First Thespian-And how of your
ambition to tread the boards as the
Melancholy Dane?
Second Thespian-'Tis become like
a pot Of coffee.
First Thespian-Explain!
Second Thespian-A1 egg settled it!
Pleasant Puffer.
Charles-"I don't see how Blank can
make any money out of that tobaccon-
ISIS business of his. He's always
smoking the best cigars himself"
Fred-"Oh, that's his method of ad-
vertising"
How so?"
Putting his goods"
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1906-05-05
Feminine Idea.

"What is your idea of ample
wealth." asked the young man.
II should consider myself wealthy"
replied the fair maid, III Il had so
much money that bargain-sale~ ad-
vertisement would not appeal to me-"
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1906-05-05
Bird Was Removed.

A woman rushed into fashionable
millinery establishment which she had
left only an hour before with a new
hat that cost her SIS. She had re-
turned ITO discard the elaborate head
gear.
why, madam, what is the trouble
with this hat?" the milliner asked.
What is the matter?'' gasped the
purchaser. There is much the mat
ter. Why, would not wear that
again until that bird with the big wing
is removed or set in a different posi-
tion''
But that is the style,'' said the mil
liner.
style or no style it has got to co.
said the purchaser. Il will never wear
that hat until I can go about without
the wings of birds sticking in the eyes
of men, and especially horrid men like
the horrid one that told me that *one
bird in the bush is worth two in
hat"
The bird in the hat was removed.
Seedtime and Harvest.
AS DER his furrowed fields, which lie
Beneath a. coldly dropping sky,
Yet chill with Winters melted snow,
The husbandman goes forth to SOW;
Thus. Freedom on the bitter blast
The ventures of thy seed we cast.
And trust to warmer sun and rain
TO swell the germ, and fill the grain,
Who calls thy glorious service hard?
Who deems it not its own reward?
Who, for it's trials, counts it less
A cause Of praise and thankfulness?
1t may not be our lot to WELD
The sickle in the ripened field;
Nor ours to hear, on summer ewes.
The reaper's song among the sheaves;
Yet where our duty's task is wrought
In unison with Gods great thought,
The near and future blend in one
And whatso'er is willed is done!
John Greenleaf Whittier.
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1906-05-05
A Soft Suggestion.

Little Sister-Oh, mamma, Georgia
has just upset the tea table an broken
my dolly an all your nice dishes.
Little Brother Gladly frightened)-
Yes, mamma, an let's be sorry, but
don't let's be mad!-Harper's Bazaar.
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1906-05-05
Wisdom Of Youth.

Remember, my son, II said the sage
zof. Sageyille, that money is not. the
end 81 your existe s':= @===.. .=z2 REF:
TO course not" rejoined the young
man. It's only the mean s. (, ,.3 .s.sA;
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1906-05-05
Knows IL All.

Knows It All.
Sunday School Teacher-Who is it
that possesses all knowledge?
S. ). Pupil-My big brother. He's a
soph' more.
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1906-05-05
He Chained the Subject.

Stockbroker Ito future son-in-law)-
1--WE been making inquiries about
you--"
Gayboy-"And / about you''
'Oh, have you? Then We'll talk
about something else" -Filegende
Batter
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1906-05-05
Of Course She Would.

Of Course She Would.
Miss Passay-"And then, mind you.
he asked me if wouldn't marry the
first man who came along
Miss Snappe-"The idea! Don't
those obviously unnecessary questions
make you weary?"