davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Birmingham age-herald., 1906-12-30

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green crape de shine an carryin' a lavender parasol, she proceeded to tn Vatican. It is regrettable that tn simple priests there didn't understand her. They showed her tn dure. closed th' dure, locked it. an said some prayers. To tn Ambassadure Extra ordinary an Minister Plinipootichry iv tn United States iv America to tn Kingdom iv Hiven, Marian, they give what is known in Rome as tn merry deval. Tn onforchnit incident was closed with tn usual diplomatic re- sarve. Tn Prisidint wrote a letter to tn Ambassadure beginnin', Say, you," an the Ambassadure rayturned to America with her husband, an sint
The Birmingham age-herald., 1906-12-30
yright, 1906, by H. H. Mcclure & Co)
 ETT SIR o caid MT

Il T
 " " more days tn New
 Year will be here an we'll all date our letters nineteen hundherd an six"
 .Its been a gr-reat year, said MT. Hennessy.
 Its a year that will stand out in tn histhry iv tn counthry like eigh- teen hundherd an two,' said MT. Dooley. I've been readin' about it an I'm proud I lived through it an glad. It's been a wonderful year, ac- cordin' to this pa-aper. Mine an fachtry have poured out their threas- ures iv steel, copper copper stock, bedsprings, hair ile, chewin gum, glass eyes, patent corkscrews, safety razors, union underwear an see-gars, an all tn other gloryous products that make us free, happy, united, an intel lechool people. No wan has been out iv employment who wanted to wurrull an many who didn't. We've been staggerin' undhor such a load iv ma teeryal wealth that if we can't dump some iv it I don't know what'll happen to us We ar-re so rich that if we were amy richer we'd be broke. Tn banks ar-re bursting with goold or without it, as the case may be.
 Anywhere I turn I see men that a year ago were compelled to live in tn humblest surroundings on wan-fifty a day now Twin in tn same surround ings although they get wansixty-five a day. Such is tn force iv habit. Take me own case. Tn best index. as Hogan says. iv tn condition iv tn counthry is tn liqour business. Well, Sir, I've been sthruck be tn wave iv prosperity Ivrything has boomed. Tn rent is up fifty per cint., the wholesale price iv Mrs Nations Soothin' Syrup \ has raised twinty-five per cint., an tn size iv me prosperous customers drinks has increased, as 1t looks to me firm a bur-rd's eye view, about two hundred per cint. I can't raise tn price iv sample iv this Fountain iv Perpetchool Youth above fifteen cents or two fir quarther That price has been settled fir cinchries. As Sicrity Shaw wud say, it's part iv tn fundamintal faith iv our people. It's a case iv where rellijon intherferes with pollytickal economy
 "1f I cud I'd thry to make tn figures on tn bill iv fare keep step with tn rent an tn price iv beefsteaks. But If I did I'd be dhriven out iv tn ward be an indignant poplyace. But, thank tn Lord, always thry to look on tn bright side iv things. In tn mist iv all this prosperity that makes life twice as expinsive to me as it was while it was a luxury and befure it become necessity, I rayjoice, as Hogan says, that I'm a citizen iv no mean city adjoining a large lake with a small water tax. Havesanother dhrink, Hin nisy. Barrin' typhoid fever, there isn't a headache in barl iv it.
 "Yes, Sir, nineteen hundhred an six has been grand year. About this time tn pa-apers prints an account iv what happened since last Janooary. Here it is in this pa-aper. Let me see: Nineteen hundherd an six will go down into histhry-ye bet it will -U-m-, remarkable peeryod. Niver before has a counthry been blessed With such-bursting granries-univer- sal welfare-car shortage-lack iv money-ostentation in tn rich-insur-
The Birmingham age-herald., 1906-12-30
COURTSHIP OF MILES STANDIsH

For John, who was right on the spot, Looked aces and eights to Priscilla. And when he had worn out his voice In saying nice things about Standish, And begged her to take a long chance And send out the cards for the
 wedding,
 She turned to the handsome young
 dog,
 Who looked like picture by Gibson, And said:-"Cut it out If he's game Let him put his proposal in writing. I know he's all right in his way, But hear that the pay of soldier Is forty-two dollars per month, And he dies just before he's pro-
 noted.
 Now why should you work overtime In trying to hand me a dead one, When you could cut in for yourself And win without turning a feather? For you are the plot of the piece, The blue-eyed pa-pah for my money, The only good bet of the day The kid that walks off with the candy John Alden went up in the air. She certainly started him winging. He tried to come back, but got balled; He fell on the ropes and was groggy. It gave him a jump of great joy To know that Priscilla was for him,
The Birmingham age-herald., 1906-12-30
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Mr. D00ley's Philosophy


owin' to tn oyercrowdin' of tn Artic Sea with Swede fishermen, it was im- possible fir him to go on in his dash f'r tn Pole.
 "Pannyma Canal.-Janooary tenth: Poultry Biglow visits tn Pannyma Canal; it is not at home. March siventeen: Great indignation at Wash 'ngton on account if Poulthry's ray poort on tn Pannyma Canal based on information gained in fifteen minnyits. Poultry Big'low again visits tn Canal. Stays an hour Canal hands him his hat. July tenth: Prisidint announces his intuition to call on th. Canal an show tn wiekedness iv careless inyisti- gation. Novimber first: Prisidint goes to Pannyma. Spends tn afthernoon. In tn accompanyin' pitcher tn Prisi- dint Is seen havin' his photograft taken alongside a steam shovel. Tn mark (x) enables tn reader 10 distinguish tn Prisidint Decimber twenty: Tn Prisdint makes a moiH exhausting ray poort on his thrip to pannyma. Decim- Der twinty-eight: Injineers raypoort that thirty-two feet iv canal have been dug.
 i" 'Diplomacy-Th' year has been notable wan in diplomacy In Jan ooary tn Prlsidint addressed tn fol- lowin' note to wan iv his most dis tinguished Ambassadures: Dearest Marian: Well, well, it's like a breath iv fresh air to hear firm ye again. Ye're such dear. Tn necxtie ye knit fir me came this mornin,' an I'm wear in it as 1 write. l am sindin' ye mini chure iv myself. It would fill me heart with happiness if I thought ye were wearin' it. Now, Marian, will ye do something fir me? It's on'y a little thing, but I want it done very much. I wish ye'd dhrop in at tn Vatican some day an tell tn Pope 'twud be a fine thing fir tn cause iv rellijon If we cud show that an Irishman doesn't lose annything be bein' Republican Tell him to give our good frind wan iv thim red hats that ar-re so becom- in. Ye'er's, Thaydoor. P. S.-Write soon. How's dear old Bell?'
 "'Th' Ambassadure acted at wanst Putin on her diplomatic unyform iv
The Birmingham age-herald., 1906-12-30
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Behaved like champion ninny. She said:- Forget my bad break: That talk of yours sure had me faded {; I'm sorry that 1 made the crack, But what l said goes, and no kidding" Now, can you imagine a man, Who reads all the bright daily papers, Allowing girl to say that And making no effort to nail her? Priscilla was on to her job; She knew she would have to be
 patient;
 She knew he was fast on the hook, And sooner or later she'd land him. And why do you think he hung back Like vitrifed lunkhead and Reuben? :? Because in his conscience he felt He, had shot the harpoon into Standish. He said:-"If l cop out the girl, The knockers might say was crooked; :; But if l stay single. why, then I'll be good, even though I am lone-
 some"
 The summer and autumn had passed; John Alden was still simply fussing: He talked with the girl now and then But never came right down to cases One day he received some good news, The Indians had got to Miles Standish; Twas reported that he had been shot,
The Birmingham age-herald., 1906-12-30
dn't know whether to stick

Didn't know whether to stick Or purchase a first-cabin passage. If Standish should come on his trail, He saw he would have hard finish. He wanted Priscilla all right, But he was not searching for trouble. The thing that decided him was, He knew that the people of Plymouth, Although they were very hard up, Would some day be put in oil paintings, While every Colonial Dame That lived in St. Paul, Minnesota, Would be all puffed up because she Had Mayflower blood in her system. In England he would not cut ice, With neither bank roll nor title, While in Massachusetts he'd be genuine old Pilgrim Father; While all of his tables and chairs, The candlesticks. kettles and dishes, Displayed in Fifth avenue shops, Would be sold by the hundreds of
 thousands.
 And so when the boat sailed away John Alden was there on the landing A little torn up in his mind, But still very keen for Priscilla. Yet, when he met her that day, Once more he began to backpedal. Side-stepped and spared for more
 time
The Birmingham age-herald., 1906-12-30

Because in the form sheet it looked As though he was out of the betting. Yet what could he say in reply? He surely was well up against it- He came there to fix it for Miles; He wanted to be on the level. No wonder he choked and backed up Felt round for his lid and was dippy Then tore for the fresh open air And made a short cut through an alley "I've certainly queered the whole oeal, He said, as he made for the seashore "Iv put my old fried on the blink. And how in the world can l square it. It's me for long ocean trip; I'll exit with speed in the morning, Go on the Mayflower an sail Back to the shores of Old England Late in the evening he sneaked Into the village of Plymouth. When he arrived at the fiat
 Captain Miles Standish was waiting Waiting to grab the glad news And send it to all the reporters. Gap, am sorry" said John, "You are not one-two-eleven; Tear up your tickets and then Back to the primeval forest; Next time you look for a wife, Hunt up some good blind asylum. I am not throwing bouquets;
The Birmingham age-herald., 1906-12-30

Still, if you must know the answer, I've got Priscilla dead right My pictures on the piano." Captain Miles Standish rose up, Started in using blue Language; Said he had been double crossed, Buncoed and flimmed to finish. q am the goat" he exclaimed; "You two have made me the Patsy. What do you think of a guy, Who puts the hooks into his partner? You who lived under my roof, Smoked all my dandy perfectos, Let me sign all of the checks Also take care of the waiter; Talk about work that is course! You are very bad actor" So spake the Captain of Plymouth, He was warm under the collar; Wanted to go to the mat
 With shine matrimonial agent. While he was making his roar A man appeared at the doorway, Bringing message, collect, Which said to look out for the Indians Standish put on his long sword; That was his cue to get busy. Hustled away to the fight, Saying tough things about Alden. Next day the boat was to sail; Alden was awfully rattled;
The Birmingham age-herald., 1906-12-30
BY F. P. DUNNE

1 tn New Year we've go to wash our wounds.
 ! Nineteen hunherd an six was good frind an companyon iy mine. But he was rough He was rough He i cuddent take joke. I'm all marked up firm him now An all tn years l that l'v known have left their signs on me. That wrinkle undher me eye was made be eighteen hundherd an. siven- ty-wan. Eighteen hundherd and siven- ty-two, three, an four sandpapered me hair off me. Eighty-wan injured me hearin'. Eighty-three almost put out me eyes. 1 got this stoop in me shouldhers firm eighty-fYe. Nineteen hundherd, wan iv me best frinds, knocked most iv my teeth out iv me. l bear thim no gredge. Maybe they're goin' off somewhere an tellin' ivry.. body what they done to me. l can see nineteen hundherd an six snickerin' behind his hand, whin he hurries away to qualify f'r tn Assocyation iv Dooley's Years. He's got a right to. I don't care. They think they've defaced me. Maybe l do look like fence in school yard. They can laugh an say: Look at that bald head! That's Dooley. Look at thim weak legs! Mar tin Dooley. That's what we've done To him. He's a tough old fellow an we've been in hurry. but we're send in in an apprentice thatll shave him down to a wishbone
 But, dye know, Hinnissy, I've got a feelin' they haven't reached me. Fool says 1 I've deceived ye. We've been shootin' at a decoy fir tn best part iy a cinchry. That figure says l, was not Martin Dooley, but scare crow that 1 put on tn breastworks to dhraw ye'er fire while l. l says. set down here safe an sound in tn trench and smoke me good seegar an laugh ivry time ye blow a limb off me ipri shintative,' says I. We've niver touched me says I. I'm younger thin 1 iver was says l. 'Th' oldest I've iver been was forty years ago whin had all tn weight iv the wurruld on me shoulders I've been growing younger iver since. In thim days I cud do tn longest hop. skip. an jump iv amy man in tn ward. To-day tn on'y way cud do a hop, skip, an jump wud be to do it off tn top iy builin But can do other things l can fly, I can FIT Hiven's sake. Hinnissy, close that dure. There's a tur-rble dhraft Why. yell be tn death iy me with ye'er carelessness.
 What was l was sayln'? An, about tn New Year. 1 welcome It, mind ye, but it's like amy new customer. l won't give 1t much credit Tn pitcher papers have pitchers iy the New Year as an innocent, prattlin' child, but don't ye believe it. Tn New Year is a grown-up son iv tn old year an has been thurly coached be- fure comin' in Ye cant fool him. He's dark, mysteerous sthranger, with slouched hat pulled over his eyes an something that looks like knife up his sleeve. I'm goin' to be as soeyable to him as I can. He may be nice fel- low. But I've had a lot iv eXpeeryence with tn years. an I've seen what they've done to some iy me frinds. This fellow may be all right, but he may have designs on the cash drawer or me life an think I'll watch him."
 'It won't do amy good" said MT. Hinnissy. Hell do as he likes, amy how.'
 "'Thrue," cried Mir. Dooley "rhin all bets ar-re off, an I'll do as like.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1906-12-30
BY GEORGE AIDE
.C-.-C..-C

Also scalped and few other items. John Alden said Nov watch my
 smoke;
 The Captain is out of the picture. I'm sorry they got him, but still l can now put tag on Priscilla" With that he blew up to her house And started right in to get busy; He bought department store ring And picked out the men to be ushers. The town was all torn up the back On the day when Priscilla was married They had great push at the church. The gown of the bride was looloo, The preacher in excellent voice, And just as they wound up the doings Who should butt into the scene But our old college playmate, Mics
 Standish.
 John Alden expected rough house, But he was surprised, you can gamble, When Standish said Take her, my
 boy;
 I'm playing in luck to be single.' Now that's all there is to the yarn; The plot is trifle diluted The moral: When gunning for queens, Don't try to book time through an
 agent.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1906-12-30

CTS. The first wagon is fitted with canopy draped with red curtains. On this the nuptial bed is displayed, deco rataed with ribbons and strewn with flowers. The village seamstress. hold ing a mirror. rides on the front of this wagon.
 The other wagons follow containing the remaining furniture. the bride's rousseau, linen, farm tools and all the other appurtenances of the new house. hold. Behind each walks a group of girls, the leader carrying a decorated ham on her head, while all the others have baskets of biscuits and almond cakes, covered with flowers. Sheep are also led in the procession with strings of bells about their necks.
 Arrived at the new house, the seam stress exhorts the bridegroom 10 be kind to his wife. She presents him with the ham. and then she and The village carpenter enter the house and get busy putting the furniture in place and fitting 1t for habitation.
 While this Is going on circle of chairs is arranged in the courtyard and the sister and sister-in-law of the bride exhibit her rousseau to the women, displaying first pail of milk and dis taff as immemorial symbols of plenty and industry. This ceremony con cludes with the counting out of the marriage portion.
 All that evening and the next day are given Up to feasting. There are meals as often as they can be eaten. Singing and dancing the fandango to the music of the accordian fll in the intervals.
 The following week the young men of the village invade the house of the young couple Tn all sorts of grotesque disguises and armed with drums and lanterns to conduci '. charivari The village cutup--he exists everywhere reads a funny apam on matrmony. They all eat and drink, and the pro ceedings end with 6 traditional farce in which the woman beats her nus band with broomstick.
 Then the couple settle dovn to the realities of life.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1906-12-30
LIVELY BASQUE WEDDINGS.
Picturesque Customs Still Preserved
 In the Pyrenean Villages.

The Basque marriage customs which still prevail in the little villages nest. ling among the Pyrenees and on the shores of the Bay of Biscay arc both lively and picturesque, as described by a writer for Parisian woman's maga zine. The ceremonies begin with the proposal, which must be managed ac- cOrding to immemorial forms.
 When the young man selects the girl he desires to marry he writes her a letter in which he describes his levo' tion and asks for rendezvous in order that he may further explain hir1self The letter is entrusted 10 an old woman for delivery. The girl. ii she is willing, invites the youth to come and speak with her under her window at night, says an exchange.
 He goes armed with his guitar, and while he strums on it the traditional airs of the people he sings of his love and asks the girl to favor his suit. If she is coy, he may have to sing two or three ballads, but usually he has not to wait long for her to open her win n- dow and invite him to climb up on the wooden balcony, which is a feature of nearly every Basque cottage. Before he goes away the couple have usually become engaged.
 On the morning of the wedding the children wake up the village by setting off firecrackers. The religious cere- mony is held at 2 o'clock in the parish church. so that the whole day may be given up to installing the couple in their new home.
 The wedding breakfast served at the brides house is the second feature of the day. All the adults of the village take part in it. while the children are regaled with cakes and fruit outside.
 In the meantime all the farm wagons in the place have been mustered to transport the possessions of the couple in procession. They are drawn by oxen covered with white sheets and ] having their horns decorated with How
The Birmingham age-herald., 1906-12-30
RE you wise to the story of

RE you wise to the story of , A 4''s'i Tss former tow. marsha, of
 Plymouth;
 The one who was husky and big And used to play tag with the savage? Have you read in this broken backed
 verse,
 Of which the enclosed is a sample; Which is easy to read and cinch For the author who is not a poet How Standish, the sturdy old vet, Being stuck on Girl named Priscilla, Persuaded John Alden, his pal, To be his press agent and booster? It seems that Miles Standish had
 served
 With the regular army in Flanders; He carried the medals to prove That he was a hot proposition; And like every soldier who wears A costume that makes him look chesty, He thought he was there with the
 shape
 And a terrible hit with the ladies, But Standish, it seems, was mutt When he had to make good in par
 Tor;
 He was great when it came to
 scrap,
 But shy on polite conversation; And so, as a foxy device, He thought it would be lovely bill
 lizards
 If he could cut out all the gush And manage his courtship by proxy. He bunked with John Alden, and knew That the latter was strong as
 chinner-
 "A drawingroom pet, with flow Of gab of the warmest description; And that's why he framed up the
 scheme
 To have Alden talk to the maiden, And put the whole gag up to her, And fix on a date for the jump-off. John wore his most smiling cravat. That day when he called on Priscilla; He tore off grand line of talk And soon had her dizzy and going: So much so that when it came time To hand her the message from Standish She couldn't see Miles with pair Of German binocular glasses. This John must have been so wise
 fish,
 For he knew that the way to get
 solid
 Was not to play ball for himself. But plug for his elderly roommate; For when you go rapping a friend To a girl who is much more than
 seven
 She sizes you up on the spot As jealous old thing and swozzle. But if you take hold of her hand And tell her your friend is corker, And always was good to his folks, And turns in each night at ten-thirty, And saves all the money he makes And never unbelts for a nickel, You can crab him and put him to sleep While you seem to be singing his praises.
 No girl who is on to her job And built in the orthodox fashion Will ever get badly worked up Over some one who never comes near
 her:
 For if man likes her for keeps She wants him to show up in person And breathe it right into her ear And do all the Faversham business. So Captain Miles St;andish lost out Before he moved up to the barrier;
The Birmingham age-herald., 1906-12-30

It is worthy ninety millyon dollars an ounce. Feb'ry foorth: Profissor Schmittschmitt, tn famous scientist an discov'rer iy Gaboozulum, has been committed to a rest cure in tn South iv Germany July first: Camel Film flammarion announces that he has dis tinctly seen people swimmin in tn canals iv Mars. July second: While Camel Flimfammarion, tn discoy'rer if life on tn planet Mars, was walkin' yisterdah in tn Change All Aisy, his
The Birmingham age-herald., 1906-12-30

little dog broke away firm him an tn gr-reat astronomer fell down a coal hole and broke his leg. August nine: Erastus Moses iv South Birmingham, Massachusetts,, patents a new method iy preparin curled hair.
 "Exploration.-Apri first: Lemoni, tn inthrepid Artic explorer. starts on his fifty-fifth attimpt to discover tn North Pole July first: Lemoni, tn inthrepid Artic explorer has put into Ostook, Norway, an raypoorts that
The Birmingham age-herald., 1906-12-30
a REVIEW OF THE YEAR


ance scandals-increase iy drunken ness'-let me see. let me see. Oh, here it is. Progress iv the wurruld in nineteen hundherd an six
 "Science.-Feb'ry third: Profissir Schmittschmitt iv Berlin raypoorts th' discovery iv new element that en- ables him to converse with tn spirit wurruld, relieves tn human body iv weight. cures whoopin cough, an makes hair grow on tn baldest head. He calls tn new metal GaboozuIum.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1906-12-30

Year.
 all her private letters, valentines, keep sakes, an phottygrafts to Tn Cincin- naty Inquirer fir publication
 Do you want me to r-read ye amy more about tn progress iy tn wurruld in this magnificent year? It's all here down to tn failures an deaths. But won't r-read on. Wan year is a good deal like another. 1 suppose nineteen hundherd an six done it's best. Consid hren' tn matteryal a year has got to wurruk with ye cant blame it too much. Sometimes I'm sorry fir tn years. We welcome thim, an whin we've used thim we kick thim out just tn same as if they were people But they have their fun with us. too We hustle thim out late at ~iER,t, but befure We go back to vNenAe In
The Bennington evening banner. (Bennington, Vt.) 19??-1961, 1906-03-10
Dog anc Snake Fight.

Two Bsllarat FporiSmen while on a
shooting excursion to Lal Lal encoun-
tered large snake that was attacked
by a dog that accompanied them. The
reptile wound itself around the dog.
and an exciting fight ensued. during
which the animal bit on the tail OF
the serpent. The sportsmen, anxious
TO save the dog. decided to shoot the
reptile II an opportunity presented it.
self. This occurred when IL thrust out
its head over the hind quarters of the
setter The shot. however. instead of
hitting the snake. entered the body Of
the dog. the death of which was in
Simultaneous. The snake was then dis
aatched. British Australian.