The new age. [volume] (Portland, Or.) 1896-1905, 1906-03-17

wears celluloid collars"-Ex.
PA, what are the wages Of sin?"
"Well, the salaries Oh those trust off,
Gals vary greatly, my son. Smart
Set.
well, Maggie, you have now been
married year. How do you like your
husband?" "Sober, num-" Houston
Post.
DO you think 1 show my ager' asks
Miss Elderlee. "Why, no. l think you
succeed very admirably in concealing
1t. "-Indianapolis Sentinel.
He-I was an intimate friend of your
late husband. Can't you give me some
thing to remember him by? She (shyly)
How would 1 do?-Punch.
RObbie-Mamma, why have you got
papa's hair in a locket? His Mother
TO remind me that he once had
some, Robbie.-Illustrated Bits.
Knlcker-Strange they didn't name
the baby after it's rich uncle. Booker
No; he looked at 1t, and said he'd give
them $4,000 not to.-Harper's Bazaar.
Woody Riter-Ive always thought
1t would be fine to be a poet. Editor
1t certainly should be fine, or impris-
onment, or both.-Philadelph Press.
Briggs see that young Tutter
came near being dubbed to death by a
New York policeman. Griggs-What
offense was he innocent of?-Smart
Set
Mar what is it?" "Is the stuff
in that bottle bay rum? Mercy, no I
It's mucilage." 81 guess that's why
1 can't get my cap ."-CIeveIand
Leader.
Nell-They say her wedding simply
beggared description Belief don't
know about that, but I've heard 1t near
ly beggared her Philadelphia
Record.
ut takes a lot Of patience to run an
automobile, does 1t not?' asked the
man. eyes, lots Of PATIENTS replied
the doctor; land I've got 'em."-Yonk-
ers Statesman.
Mrs. Style-I want a hat but 1t
must be in the latest style. Shopman
kindly take a chair, madam, and
wait a few minutes; the fashion is
just Washington Star.
Did you ever make a personal sac
riflceT asked the visiting parson.
Eyes, indeed" replied Mrs. LIE Style;
II once declined to be interviewed by
society reporter. "-Chicago News.
Mrs. Jollyboy-How are you getting
along with your servants now2 Mrs.
Gayboy-Splendidly. We have made
them a present of the house, and now
we are boarding with them.-Town
Topics.
81 suppose he just clasped you in
his arms when the canoe upset" mo;
quite the opposite" "Quite the OPP
posite?" eyes; the canoe upset when
he elapsed me in his arms. "-Hous-
top Post
Teacher-A coal dealer has ten tons
Of coal which he sells at S. ton. How
much does he get for 1t? Scholar
About sos. Teacher-Thats wrong
Scholar-Yes'm; but all coal dealers do
it.-Judge.
Mrs. BIeachblonde-I found this
black hair on your coat. What does
1t mean? Mr.. Bleachblonde-W
that Is my last winters coat Your
hair was black then, you know
Smart Set.
"Goshw exclaimed Farmer Korntop,
after listening to the story; "he must
be a regular dead beat" "Huhp
snorted the victim, ''he's a plumb sight
worse'n that. He's live one."-Phil-
adelphia Ledger.
Paying Teller can't cash this
check, madam, until you are identi-
fed. Mrs. Brighton mean l have
to identify myself Paying Teller
Yes, madam. Mrs. Bright-How sim
plel Have you a looking glass?-Ex.
Lawyer-And what was the defend
ant doing meanwhile7 Witness-He
was telling me funny story. Law
yer-Remember, sir, that you are I'M
der oath. Witness-Well, anyway, he
was telling me a story.-Somerville
Journal.
The teacher had been telling the
class about the rhinoceros family.
Now, name some things" said she,
that it Is very dangerous to get near
and that have horns" Automobiles"
replied little Jennie Jones, promptly.
| New York World.
Senator" asked the pretty girl, do
you know what the railroad fare Is
from here to Washington NO" he
replied before giving himself time to
think, "but l can tell you the exact
mileage if that will do you any good"
Chicago Record Herald
"PshawP' said the judge, there's
no reason why you people should be
divorced. Go home and make ND.
There are no grounds" But,
Judge" the man frantically interrupt.
ed, "she hasn't told you the whole
truth. l pushed her down stairs once
and 1t was miraculous that she wasn't