davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1906-05-16

"Nbs'A ~" tA'N ~
n end Of the turtles and then ut the
other.
"'Here.' said the proprietor of the
restaurant. Keep away from there or
you will be hurt
"'1Iurt" said the man. taking his
finger from his mouth and looking at
1t r%uetully. i have been hurt already.
I an 10 trying to find out which is
head and which is tail of these animals.
SO l AN tell whether I have been bit
ten or stung.'"
Mark Twain at Il dinner in New
York was attacking Christian Science
IN his whimsical way. Il only know
OF one convert to Christian Science"
he said. with whom | can feel any
sympathy ut al. l dcspise this man.
but at the same time | can understand
him. He came to me one day and told
me that he had become Il Christian Sci
enlist.
"'What-no o d%octOrs:' said |.
"'No more doctors; no more medi-
cine he said firmly.
l WAS paineu ana SfleNeu. l tlOuElt
his mind must be going. He told me
casually as he was putting on his coat
that his mother-in-law had been taken
seriously i'll at his home a few days
before"
Senator John 4. SpOOner of Wiscon-
sin is one of the wits Of congress. Re
Gently Senator Overman Of North Caro-
lima was making his speech on railroad
rate regulation. There were few Dem.
ocrats listening and but one solitary
senator on the Republican side. al
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1906-05-16

Francisco disaster fell largely upon the
mayor of the city. Eugene r. SchmitZ:
the governor of the state of California.
George c. I~'artlee. and the general com
handing the regular army of the de-
partment of California. Frederick C..
Funston. The necessity of military su-
pervision put the devastated city pr:.c-
tically under command of General Fun
ston. His action in ordering ra;iols
distributed from the Presidio as prompt
~ rs they could be obtained and his
provision of tents on the military res
ervation relieved the suffering of many.
General Funston is Il little man. He
weighs about 100 pounds and is under
five feet four inches in height. yet he
annals of the United States in the past
eight wears. He lives on adventure
and when earthquakes or other terrify-
ing phenomena come along is right in
his element. Born in Ohio forty years
ago. General Funston spent his boy
hood On a Kansas farm and later
went 10 the university. where he
did not make Il record for scholar
ship. During one of his summer vaca-
lions he acted as "bOuncer' on a rail
way train and for Il light man was Il
remarkable success at the business.
On leaving college he tackled newSpa-
per work for Il time. then got Il position
in the government service and made
the first official survey of Death val
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1906-05-16

ness, and followed it with a bracelet
ornamented with four more sparklers.
Mrs. Bowser had to sit down and cry,
but when he had kissed the tears away
she was as excited and happy as a girl
with her first long dress on. 1t was a
happy dinner they sat down to that
evening. Mrs. Bowser had two or three
extra dishes as a surprise, and Mr..
Bowser IA so bland and boyish and
good that the cook winked the cat out
into the kitchen and said:
NOW. then. you get ready for a "a
lamity. I've been in this place for two
years. and l never knew the master to
soften mp but what a row followed"
Remembered Anniversary.
"Of course l remembered that it was
III anniversary. OF course I did,"
said Mr.. Bowser, as dinner was ended.
twenty-five years ago l married the
incest little woman in all this world.
She has been nice and loyal and true to
me ever since. and there are a thou
sand reasons why l should remember
this day"
but l didn't expect you would buy
m all these beautiful things" she re-
piled, as II lump gathered in her throat.
And why not, dear? Nothing l can
buy is too beautiful for you. You de-
serve to be covered with diamonds
from head to heel. and l would that I
had the income of a king"
The cat came up from the basement
just then. and she looked at Mr.. Bow
ser and grinned and said to herself:
1.-The cook is right. There is going to
be brickbats flying here before the
evening is over"
"Twenty-two years. twenty-five
years." unused Mr.. Bowser. I'VE were
young and careless then. and we have
grown old and staid together. We set
out to be all in all to each other and to
make a happy home, and we have ac-
complished it. Have you ever regretted
the step. dear?"
"Never. You have been the best and
kindest husband to me-"
II have tried to be. and If | have
fallen short | am sorry for 1t. There
have been times when I have behaved
like an ass"
"Oh. no. dear
1T is sweet and kind Of YOU to say
50. but I know better. l have kicked
and bossed and bulldozed and given
vou many unhappy hours"
Il do not remember one such occa-
sion"
Praises His Wife.
THAT shows what Il grand and loyal
little woman you are. Mrs. Bowser. on
this II anniversary. l admit that !
am full! Of faults and beg your pardon
that l am not Il better man. Forgive
me II ever l have caused you Il mo.
ment's unhappiness. and I will seek to
do better"
"By John. but won't it he Il devil OF
4 shindy:" said the cat to her shadow
as she sat Of the hearth rug. while Mrs.
Bowser was too affected to speak for a
couple Of minutes.
TWENTY-FIVE long years. unused Mr..
Bowser rs he walked mp and down
with his hands behind his back. You
have helped me to enjoy the sunshine
and you have shared with me the s'.Hh-
ows. II l hadn't remembered every
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1906-05-16

Senator Tillman made this incident the
subject OF II fiery speech in the senate.
and he filed charges against Mr..
Barnes. accusing him Of unmanlineSs
and brutality. when the president nom
mated him to the postmastership Of
Washington. Mr.. Barnes was born
abroad Of American parents in 1868. is
q graduate Of Georgetown university.
has served in the postmaster generals
department and was appointed assist
ant secretary to the president by Mr..
Mckinley In 1900. The picture shows
him with Il message under his arm
from the president to the senate.
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1906-05-16

the Venezuelan army was sent to
France to witness the of
the French army. Upon his return he
gave out an interview. In which he
praised the soldiers OF the nation of
which he had been n guest. President
Castro summoned the general t. his
presence.
Ibid you give u%tterance to these
complimentary sentiments regarding
the French army" he inquired.
II did, sir. because l believe the
French army Is n Of the best in the
world"
did not Germany whip the French
army|" roared Castro.
"Yes. your eXcellency."
HAS not Germany been whipped by
Q foreign natiOnY"
Eyes. your excellency; that is true"
ibid not ], Castro. whip the Britains,
Germans and Italians when they at
tempted to blockade our coastsY"
THAT Is true. sir; you whipped the
three great powers single handed"
leave my presence. sir!.' shouted
President Castro. You have insulted
Az ~ ltatlSbItS 4C ~ utiAlN III
/, alone, have ~vanquished Great Brit
ain. Germany md Italy. You are un-
der arrest"
Colonel Edwin Il. Hay Of Washing
ton, the well known handwriting eX-
pert, has a poor opinion Of the chirog-
raphy Of President Roosevelt and his
cabinet. II was looking ut the presi-
dents signature the other day." said
Colonel Hay. land ut the signatures Of
all the members of the cabinet. l think
We have the crudest handwriting IN the
cabinet now that we have had in many
years. We do not see nowadays that
beautiful handwriting that was SO CON-
mon in the time Of Alexander Ham
ilton and George Washington. The
trouble is we are all in Il hurry"
Colonel Hay has responded to many
toasts at dinners Of the famous Grid
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1906-05-16

ny the Democratic
members to lead In
the debate which
occurred over the
election of Edward
Murphy to the Unit
ed States senate.
Judge O'Sullivun
was born in Mlichi-
gan fO~rty-eight
years ago while his
parents were So
%journing in the VOL
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1906-05-16

though the argu-
e was n very
able one.
Senator SpOOner
stuck his head
through the cloak
room door. He saw
the solitary Repub-
lican senator and
said. "Ah. man and
OvcrMan!"
One day the Wis
cOnsin senator was
chuckling about the
great American
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1906-05-16

that General Castro
~cOntemplates some
exten sive travels,
and may even visit
the United States,
and during his ab-
n General Go.
mez will be the rul-
or of Venezuela.
General Castro Is
accustomed to ex-
act strict obedience
from subordinates.
A story Is told Of
how Il general of
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1906-05-16

ron cluD anu mas
been Il prominent
figure Mt many an
inaugural ball. He
once told Of his OK
perience ut the
rant inaugural
ball. which took
place In II Temporal
~ structure erect
ed for the purpose.
1T b was the
time" said COlone!
Hay, "when the
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1906-05-16

approval of the pres
ident. Still, it re-
minds me of the
man who stood with
his finger in his
mouth in front of
[ h e restaurant in
Philadelphia where
there we're three
great turtles dis
played. He was polk
ing about with his
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1906-05-16
Observation-Disclosures;
Brigadier General funston and His
Work IN San francisco-Mayor
Eugene Sehmitz- Chief Of
Police Dinan-flre Chief
Sui!ivan'S Death.

"A calamity such
as that which
has visited San
Francisco and 9th
err parts of CalifOr-
MIA there is need of
leaders to direct the
work of relieving
the sufferers and
preserving order so
far as possible amid
the prevailing pan
lc. h work in
tho co ca nc tho San
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1906-05-16

mercury In this sun
ny southern cline dropped to @ de.
grees below zero on the 4th Of March.
Cold-well. II you have ever gone skat-
Ing In full dress you have a faint, very
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1906-05-16
BENJAMIN F. BARNES.

N0bHNtHut SeCFet0Fy 10 TFe01dent,
Who Ii Criticized by Tillman.
Benjamin +. Barnes. whose appoint
ment rs postmaster Of Washington is
criticised by Senator Tillman, has been
assistant secretary to President Roose-
welt for several years. and it was he
who ordered the ejectment OF Mrs.
Minor Morris from the White House.
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1906-05-16

faint. conception of what we suffered.
Ladies' went to the ball in sea,skins-
those who had Scalskins-and the other
10000 wore blanket shawls. Men were
in listers, with the collars up to their
ears. and the icicles on their mustac.es
were one Of the most brilliant decora-
tive effects | vel saw at any ball. l
remember a detachment of cadets from
West Point was there and was to have
been a remarkable feature of the enter
tainment. 1t was.
1.-The poor fellows stood out in front
Of the Ebbitt House all day long, and
when they were frozen stiff they were
exhibited in army %overcoats at the ball.
l ~recollect one girl saying that all you
could see of them was the tips of their
noses and that they made her hungry
blue points ON ice. don't you see:"
Senator Philandcr c. Knox, former
attorney general. was told the other
day that the president had definitely
thrown overheard his amendment to
the pending railroad rate bill in the
senate.
as that sO:" asked Senator Knox.
II had hoped 1t would meet with the
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1906-05-16

enter theaters for the purpose of dis
charging his duties as n dramatic crit
ic and challenges the right of man
ayers to exclude him from playhouses
on account Of his criticism of their pro-
auctions. Mr.. Metcalfe was born in
Buffalo in 1853 and graduated from
Yale university in 1879. He has been
married twice. and his present wife
was formerly Miss Elizabeth Tyree,
an actress. Mr.. Metcalfe. soon after
leaving Yale. became III editorial writ
er on the Buffalo Express. Afterward
be was editor Of the Peoples Pictorial
Press and from 1856 to 1889 was man.
ager Of the American Newspaper Pub
fishers association. He served with
Life for six years and then for a time
was managing editor of the Cosmopol-
itan Magazine. At the close of this
engagement he went back to Life, OF
which he has since been dramatic crit
ic. He was Il candidate for the New
York assembly or the Democratic
ticket in 1903, but was not elected. He
10 the author Of Mythology For Mod
ems" and 1.-The American Slave"
Mr.. Metcalfe has brought suits
against twenty-Sevcn theatrical man.
ayers on account of his exclusion from
theaters controlled by them and claims
damages aggregating $27O.OoO.
General Vincente Gomez, vice presi-
dent Of Venezuela, who about the mid
die of April temporarily assumed the
place Of president, acted in that ca
paclty last summer while President
Castro was taking a trip down the
Orinoco. The Venezuelan constitution
requires that when the chief executive
leaves the capital he shall execute In
writing a transference Of all his pow
ers to the vice president. 1t is said
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1906-05-16
Prominent PEOPLE
Critic MetcaIfe's ght-Gomez and
Castro - Hay on Handwriting.
Senator Knox and the Turtles.
Wit of Senator Spooner.
Judge O'Sullivan.

JAMES s. MET
u CALFE. h
author and ed
flor, who has been
engaged in a con-
trOversy with the
atrical managers,
has won exception
al vogue for his
writings in Life
pertaining to the
stage. He has re-
peatedly been de-
MED permission to
The sun. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1833-1916, 1906-12-02
The Weather.

The storm from the Lake regions was central
yesterday morning over the lower 81. Lawrence.
followed by light rain and cloudy conditions In
the lower Lake regions and In the Middle Atlantic
and New England States and snow In the upper
Lake regions.
From the Great Lakes southwest over the Ohio
and the middle Mississippi valleys 20 Texas rain
was falling. and snow fell in northern Illinois and
Missouri.
over the Missouri Valley and the Rocky Noun
tains the pressure was high. with accompanying cold
spreading eastward.
Freezing weather extended from the middle
Lake regions southwest 70 central Arizona.
In the Middle and North Atlantic states IL was
generally warmer, and colder In the upper Lake
regions and from the upper Missouri Valley south
20 Texas, with zero weather In North Dakota and
parts OF Montana. South Dakota and Minnesota.
In the extreme Southwest It was warmer.
In this city the day was cloudy with a spnnkling
of rain: warmer: wind. fresh westerly: average
humidity, y per cent; barometer. corrected TO read
toAea level at \ A. NJ, 500; 5P. NJ, ssS4.
The temperature yesterday as recorded by the
Official thermometer Is shown In the annexed table:
The sun. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1833-1916, 1906-12-02

calculation Of the necessities OF a smart
New York in the matter Of dress,
which was reproduced here, led to inquiries
OF fashionable West End tradesmen for the
purposes Of comparison. These show that
the most extravagant English in
London spends less thar one-third of Miss
Morosini's estimate. T.
The English woman is content with fifty
gowns costing $500 apiece, instead Of 100
costing double that amount. Her lingerie
costs just one-fourth of what Miss Morosini's
does, her furs one-half and her shoes one
tenth, while her miscellaneous expenditure
is placed at SIS 900, instead Of s45 900.
The rich French woman, it is said, rarely
spends large sums on clothes. Her natural
taste and quick eye enable her to seize the
simplest ideas and evolve a masterpiece
therefrom. II the fashionable shops on
the Rue de Ia Paix in Paris had to depend
on French customers they would have to
close their doors in a month. It il the
Americans, Brazilians, English, Italians,
Russians and some Germans who keep them
going.
The sun. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1833-1916, 1906-12-02

ington as a pleasant social billet, but
this misconception is no longer held.
America" the paper says, sends us the
best she has, 10 we should send her the best
Englishman, a man of conspicuous position;
intellect, tact and cosmopolitan under
standing and who is also a vision of true
craftsmanship
p "Of vital Importance" says the Observer,
lis the nexus between the Ambassador
and the President, the power Of the envoy
to magnetic a figure who more and more
dominates the domestic n foreign policies
of the United States II is not that any
crisis exists in the Anelo-American rela-
tons, but with the growing importance
of America as a world Power the currents
and eddies Of national prejudice, sentiment,
ambition, interest and necessities, which
interplay consciously and unoonsciously
with the ambitions, interests and neces-
stiles of foreign peoples now more than
ever make the post at Washington a matter
of public concern to both the English and
Americans.
The good relations of Germany and
America have been mainly brought about
by the tact of the German Ambassador is
America and the personal exchange of
confitlences between President Roosevelt
and the Kaiser. If Mr.. Lowther goes to
Washington he has something like a national
mission to perform. He will have 10 re-
store the old intimacy which existed in
the days OF Lord Pauncefote to bring US
nearer the Americans and the American .
nearer US
The sun. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1833-1916, 1906-12-02
ATMOSPHERIC SMUGGLING.
New Worry for John Hull Aerial Preventive
Service Proposed.

Special CaMs Despatch TO The SUN.
LONDON. Dec. 1.-The legal possibility
OF suing air carriages for trespassing on
the atmosphere above private lands was
recently mentioned in these dispatches.
A further possibility of international trouble
arising from smuggling through the air is
now being discussed. 1t is commended that
there is nothing TO prevent smugglers in
future from using aeroplanes n other
flying machines for the purpose of evading
customs officers, except by establishing a
service OF preventive fiiers which will
catch offenders on the wing.
This opens exciting prospects for the
adventurous. The existing anti-smuggling
laws of Great Britain at any rate are SO
worded that they would confer on customs
officers the power to challenge, chase and
search such machines and seize any dutiable
goods as well as the machine and the per-
son engaged in air smuggling.
1t is pointed out that taking everything
into consideration such c~ontraband trade
would necessarily be on a large scale n
would induce many to take the risk of con-
sequences.
The sun. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1833-1916, 1906-12-02
VAGARIES OF AVOIRDUPOIS.
British AuctIOnecrs' Institute Dis Out q
Few Commercial Puzzles.

Special Gable Despatch 10 THE SUN.
LONDON. Dec. THE advocates OF the
metric system want no better justification
than tables just prepared for the year o
Of the British Auctioneers' Institute. 1t is
learned from this that the price Of wheat
il made and the cereal is sold in twenty
different ways in England, Scotland and
Wales.
1t is measured variously by the quarter,
comb, load, boil, bushel, barrel, hundred
weight, central, windle and hobbet. Fur
Their confusion is caused by varying weights
OF a bushel in different parts OF the country.
A boil is three bushels in some places and
four and six in others. There are similar
absurd variations in other weights and
measures. For instance, a stone OF meat
is eight pounds, a stone Of iron fourteen
pounds, a stone OF cheese sixteen pounds
and a stone Of hemp t~hirty-two pounds.
There are seven different areas OF the
standard acre in Great Britain. The
vagaries Of liquid measures are equally
bewildering.
The sun. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1833-1916, 1906-12-02

ment that statistics show that in four
years 152 American heiresses have come
here bringing $40 900, 900.
Paul Bourget, writing to-day in Gil Bias
on American women, says the French
can never understand that wise innocence
of American girls which was illustrated
in the remark OF one Of them to him that
the reason a certain woman's husband
had zone astray was hat his wife did not
NOW how to manage him and h other
woman knew how to be seductive.
M. Bofrget asked a diplomat to explain
this characteristic Of American girls. The
diplomat answered that they have a chaste
depravity. NJ. Bourget calls the answer
severe.
The sun. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1833-1916, 1906-12-02
NO GOD IN FRENCH OATHS.
Ministry OF Justice Drafts Law TO RemOdeI
Court Formulas.

Special Cable Despatch 10 THE SUN.
PARIS, Dec. The divorce between
State and Church will 1901 take a further
step toward completion. The Minister OF
Justice has drafted a law modifying the
judicial procedure.
The present law makes every juryman,
whether he is a f%reethinker or not, swear
Before God and man / swear to examine
while the foreman announces the verdict
with his hand on his heart by saying: ~On
my honor and conscience. before God and
man, the verdict is:
These references to the Deity the Minister
now intends to abolish, as has been dope
with the cruciix. which was formerly In
every law court.
The sun. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1833-1916, 1906-12-02
AMERICAN GIRLS IN PARIS.
They Have Taken a Lot OF Money There,
but Their ways Cause Much Wonder.

Special Cdbie Despatch 10 THE son.
PARIS, Dec. IA conspicuous article
published this week on Americans in Paris
gives the impression that there is a city
full OF them scattered on Mont Parnasse,
about the Place Yendome and around the
Arc de l'Etoile. The writer comments
on how easy American women find it 70
live here. He makes the remarkable state
The sun. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1833-1916, 1906-12-02
Horse Breaks His Neck.

A big truck horse ran away in CARLTON
avenue, Brooklyn, yesterday, and dashed
into a Flushing avenue car just outside the
navy yard wall. The shafts went through
the side Of the car. slightly injuringRichard
Gallot, 81 years old, Of 284 Atlantic avenue,
and Lawrence Gavan, 40 years old, OF 30
Frost street, Williamsburg. The horses
neck was broken and he fell dead.
The sun. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1833-1916, 1906-12-02
Athletics Make Girls Grow.
Special Cable Despatch 20 TIE sun

Special Cable Despatch 10 The SUN.
LONDON, Dec. THE head mistress of
a girls school at Tunbridge Wells has
found it necessary to have the height Of the
school desks considerably increased. She
says that owing to the influence Of athletics
on the modern girl desks which were high
enough ten years g are nov much o
low
The sun. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1833-1916, 1906-12-02
NEGOTIATIONS STOPPED.
FiiipInOs SATISFIED by Investigator OF
BIlibid Prison TRAGEDY.

Special Cable Dsspdteh 20 THE SUN
MANILA, Dec. THE Filipino newspapers
are a~pplauding Gov.-Gen. Smiths appoint
ment Of a special committee to investigate
the death Of ten prisoners in Bilibid prison
who died from the effects Of a~nti-cholora
virus which had become tainted with plague
germs.
The Governor-Ge General has revoked the
authorization given BY the Philippine Com
mission for experimental NEGOTIATIONS. Thi
also meets with approval ~
The sun. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1833-1916, 1906-12-02
THE GIFT Observation-Disclosures

A thing may be useful yet not beautiful. O. beautiful but notuseful fit be both,
then does it lot serve the higher function Of a st2
Is that defined as you would define it? Then we believe you will find IA conec-
ton of gift things of more than passing interest
The stock is bS-exhaustve Big because of its infinite diversity. Exhaustive
because the products Of Ensand and its dominiOns. Germany France and this
country are represented. Their master workers have wrought useful and
beautiful things Of precious and baser metals. fine feathers exclusive fabrics and
rare woods =
With a gift thing from u shop you offer but N tibute-your sentiment toward
the person favored. We exact none. Whatever may commend the Gift beyond
its intdnsic and absolute worh-he novelty, the beauty Or the exclusiveness-
does not influence our prices They are very modest