The new age., 1906-05-26

get for being teo Philadelphia
Bulletin.
| Lugs-"I see the Society News Is
taking only milllonaires' sons on their
board" "SOrt of putting on heirs, aren't
they eyf"-Princeton Tiger.
Lottie-I have such a dread Of grow.
ing old Dottie-Pshaw l haven't
Lottie-No, suppose you've got past
that-Cleveland Leader
His Securities-''Did you succeed in
raising anything on your promise to
pay?" "Oh, yes. succeeded In raising
smile. e."-Baltimore American.
The Modern Way-"There goes the
richest man in our city" pays more
taxes than anybody in town, eh?'
swell, he lodges more"-Pittsburg
Post.
Come back for something you've for
gotten, as usual?" said the husband.
NO." replied his wife, sweetly; i've
come back for something l remember
ed."-New Yorker.
Look pleasant, please" said the pho
tographer to his (more or less) fair sit
ter. Click "It's all over, ma'am. You
may resume your natural expression"
Cleveland Leader.
A Definltlon-Tom-Wh did you
understand to be meant by the word
"ennulT' Ethel-It means that one
does nothing and Is too tired to STOP
Woman's Home Companion
"Bllkins is the most fortunate man
in his love affairs 1 know Of" "Why
so?" Three women have broken their
engagements with him at the very last
minute "-Milwaukee Sentinel.
OF Course-"Her is 'Santo Domingo
on your bill of fare" said the guest.
"What is that, a cigar?" mo, SIR" re-
piled the waiter. "a 'Santo Domingo
Is very warm stew."-CAicago News
Piggmus-I had two articles in the
newspaper yesterday. Dismukes-Is
that so? 1 didn't see them. Piggmus
No; they were a pair Of old shoes I
was taking to be Observation-Disclosures
Life.
Self-Approval-"Why is the doctrine
Of the survival Of the fttest so pop
ular?" Because Of an inherent ego
tism. Every one Of US thinks In his
heart that he is the fttest to survive =
Washington Star.
Handicapped-"Llv with FIVE fami-
lies last week?" calculated Mrs. House
keep. THAT isn't very good record"
"It wuz the best could do, num-"
responded the applicant. Il wuz sick
two days."-Minneapolis Tribune.
A Day Lost--"The appointed Satur-
day came" wrote the novelist. Then
be reflected. "That Is terribly common
place." murmured he. II wonder how
! 1t would be to say the appointed Sat
urday never cameY-Louisville Cour-
Ter Journal.
A Good Observation-Disclosures are
hard times. Why, 1 beard of a man
| the other day who couldn't raise money
even oil government bonds. Slimwitt
Indeed. What was the reason? Will
fcr--WelI, you ser. kc didn't have the
lbonds.-London Tit-Bits.
Insult to Injury-Johnny (after his
first day at school1-I learned some
thing today, mamma. Mamma (much
lInterested) d)-What was 1t? JOHNNY
learned to say "Yes, ma'am," and mo,
ma'am." Mamma-YOu did? Johnny
-Yep.-Woman's Home Companion.
A Benefactor-W Walker-Saw-
in up wood fur klndlin'! I'm ashamed
| O. yer. Ragson Tatters-Aw, g'on! dis
Is locust-wood. Weary Walker-Wat's
dat got to do wild 1t? Ragson Tatters-
Why, yer chump! dis is de kind Of
wood dat policemen's clubs is made
out f-Philadelphia Press.
Privileges-"Has wealth any special
privileges in this country?" asked the
tourist. Certainly" answered the
American citizen Wealth entities a
man to wear a silk hat every day in the
week and also gives a license for the
use Of light-colored galters and side
whiskers. Washington Star.
what l want" said the constituent,
"is nice, easy position" MY friend"
answered Senator Sorghum, "glve up
that Idea When an easy position Is
discovered so many people are after 1t
that a man has to fight ten hours a
day to get 1t and twelve hours day
to hold on to t"--Washington Star.
Another Sort Of Fowl--"The impu-
dcnce Of that Young brother of mire!"
exclaimed MS. Nagget. He just told
me 7 was no chicken when l married
you." "Well," replied her sympathetic
husband, "that's true enough. You
weren't chicken, we're you" mo, I
was n goose."-Cutlrolio Standard and
Times.
MARY" said the lady to her cook,
at must insist that you keep better
hours and that you have less company
In the kitchen at night. Last night
you kept me from sleeping because of
the uproarlous laughter of one of your
women friends "Yis, mum, l know"
was the reply, "but she couldn't help
LIT. / was tellin' her how you tried to
make cake one dey."