Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1906-02-28
A(l1'ShQlus5
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into the sitting-rOOm, where Ma was
trying to sort out a pink ribbon that
would harmonic with little Fido's COM
plexion. "Have you given them to
some poor Smith with cold feet? Have
you appropriated them to wear when
you get into the bath tub? Is your
dear mother using them FOR bedroom
slippers? Has"
'What do you want gum boots for,
Henry?" interrupted Ma, with a Ian
guild sigh. do you think there is 60
ing to be a flood? Have you engaged
to tend bar for someone? Have you
-"
what do I want gum boots for, ma
dame? What do 1 want gum boots for,
Mrs. Jones?" cried the explosive Pa,
steamfully prancing around the room.
what do you suppose | want gum
boots for? Do you think that 1 am 60
ing to @ dance? Do you imagine Tor
one moment that 1 am going to a full
dress reception? Not on your life,
darling! Not on your life! l am 60
ing to help Teddy dig the Panama
Canal! 1 am going with the CONNER
cial Committee to take tea with old
Granny Burton and talk over the Della
ware channel! I am
"Now don't get smart, you pretty
freak" retorted Ma, in an angry tone,
as she cast careful glance at the pal
pitating Henry. Don't make a yap-
faced Jones Of yourself! It is pity If
l can't ask you civil question? 1t
is a"
You ask too many questions, sweet
heart! You ask too many questions ="
was the barkful response Of Pa. "You
are worse than q census enumerator
You act like cross-examination You
should have married an encyclopedia
You don't have to be a college profess
sor to know what 1 want gum boots
for! You don't have to consult an ocu-
list and have your lamps trimmed to
see anything as easy as that! Haven't
you observed the beautiful snow?
Haven't you noticed the feecy flakes
falling listlessly to Mother Earth?
Haven't you heard the glad shouts and
joyful tidings? Where are those boots
Where is my fur cap with the ear hobs
trickling down the sides? Where is my
red sweater? Where is"
"For mercy's sake, heathen!" inter-
jected Ma, with an inquiring look at
the vision before her. What is the
matter with you? What station are
you trying to get off at? What"
What is the matter with me, Mrs.
Jones? What is the matter with me-"
broke in Pa, enthusiastically. what
do you suppose is the matter with me?
What is the matter with anyone who
delights in winter sports? What Is
the matter with anyone who loves the
glorious snow and idolizes the glisten-
ing ice? Is this the time to sit in the
house and chew the rag? Is this the
time to hang around home and knock
your neighbors? No, angel wife! De-
cidedly no! Winter only comes once
year, and you can scrap and gossip
all summer! This is the time to be
away to the smooth and slippery hills
This is the time to be OH a bob sled
gliding down"
Hen Jones!" exclaimed the amazed
Ma, in a major voice, as the awful
truth finally dawned upon her. DO
you mean to tell me that you are crazy
enough to go coasting? Do you mean
to tell me that an old Methusaleh
like you hasn't got any better sense
than to play with kids? Do you"
That's what I said, precious pet
That's what / said," answered Pa.
Didn't you hear me say it? Didn't
you hear me MARBLE? Didn't you hear
me cackle? l want you to distinctly
understand that | am past master
in the art Of coasting! l want to tell
you right here that 1 had no peer in
steering a bobsled down the hills of
Hedge Corners in the good old days of
my youth! l want"
"Bah!' was the contemptuous reioin-
der of Ma. II don't believe a word of
it. The biggest hills over in Jersey are
the national banks and as for running
bobsled, l doubt if you could steer
one the length Of a clothes prop, even
If there was a guide post on every
corner! You are"
"What's that, madame? What's
that, Mrs. Jones?" thunoered Pa. with
a rageful glare at his little Mary.
What are you squawking about?
What verse are you trying to sing?
How dare you make such slanderous
assertion about the joyous land of Jer
sey? How dare you jao the iavelin
into the greatest bobsledder that ever
came down the pike? You have made
me mad, dear soul! You have made
me mad! You have annoyed me! You
have aroused all the fighting fire of
my famous forefathers! You have
made me cross You have committed
the objectionable sin Of scorning
Jones Go hence to your room. and
- ho+