The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1906-09-23
FASKIN'S JOURNEY TO THE EMERALD ISLE
The Irish People and
Their Pleasant
Traits.

QUEENSTOWN-Alt dark shad-
ows of poverty and distress have
hung over hapless Ireland for hundreds
of years. no amount of sorrow seems
capable of destroying the joviality and
lfght-heartedness that are the natural
traits of the Sons of Erin. No occa-
sion can be so gloomy that Irish wit
will not extract a spark of humor from
the situation. Rather than dwell upon
the cherries side of life in the Emerald
Isle, 1 will make this chapter a bud
get of Pats bright doings and sayings.
One morning while some passengers
from a train were taking a meal in
the restaurant of a railroad station,
one of them was detained in making
change, and came out of the door just
as the last ear of the train passed.
Rushing frantfcally down the platform
the excited Irishman yelled at the top
of his voice: .'Hould on there, Mr..
Engineer, hould on; you've got a pas
senger aboard that's left behind"
Another Irishman who was a guest in
a village hotel was made the butt
of some practical jokers, who black
4ened his face while he was asleep.
In the morning when Pat was called
he happened to look in the mirror, and
stopping in amazement said: "Bedad,
that's a good joke on that bell boy;
he's called the wrong man."
ASHAMED OF HIS BROGUE.
A story is told of a prominent clergy
man in Ireland who was ashamed of
little touchy on the subject, members
of his congregation were inclined to
poke fun at him about 1t. One day
while speaking to one of the leading
parishioners, the parson complained of
the injustice done him and asked II
honestly there was single trace OF
brogue to be noticed in his speech.
WELL" the friend replied. ''if you are
determined to make a denial that you
have a brogue. L should advise you
TO do SO in writing"
A valued laborer in the employ OF a
successful contractor had the one bad
habft of coming late every morning to
los work. when reproached for his
4ardiness, the honest fellow said he
was perfectly willing to come earlier,
bat that he just couldn't wake up in
time When the suggestion was made
that he buy an alarm clock, his face
lighted up with pleasure and he agreed
to make the purchase at once and not
be tardy thereafter All went well for
a few days, and then Pat was late
again The secondhand clock he had
bought at a pawn shop had baked on
him Prompted by curiosity. the
freshman proceeded to- take the time
piece apart, and when a defunct cock
roach was found curled up in the
works. Fat exclaimed triumphantly:
@eBedad, No wonder she wouldn't work.
the engineers dead
THE BEST IRISH STORY.
I asked a man who had lived In
Ireland for years what he considered
the best instance of Irish wit he had
out exception his favorite was the one
about the soldier and his wounded
companion. This yarn has been told
by many professional story-tellers. and
is always appreciated. 1t goes like
this: Two young fellows who went to
war together agreed that whichever
was wounded first should be carried
TO the doctor by the other. While a
battle was in progress one of them
fell. crying that a bullet had struck
him in the thigh, and requesting his
friend to carry him to the hospital.
Pat accordingly shouldered his comrade
and started for the rear. On the way
a piece of shell cut the wounded
mans head off clean at the shoulders.
Some one met Pat with his gruesome
burden and asked him where he was
going with the headless man. Pat /
looked around in horror and disgust,
then exclaimed: What q laundering
liar that fellow was; he told me he was
shot in the leg"
A raw recruit in the army was given