The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1906-07-29
STUDIES FROM THE LIFE
AN A. P. CHARACTER
BY ETHEL ARMIES.

Il never-I never" Fritz held his head
up.
Nobody would dream you had Fritz.
But we know, and we're Just cautioning
you. If woman hears that, you know,
it's all off with you. Maybe that's the
reason so far you've had such bad luck"
This was another thorn in Fritz Gott-
lieb's flesh his reputation, so his friends
and associates insisted, was that of an
immoral man. How he got to be that he
never knew. He had never done thing.
he asserted, not a thing to cause so SIAN
derous so base, wholly unfounded an
accusation. 1t panied him more deeply
than he could express
For instance. he was constantly re-
ceiving through the mall photographs of
ladies', actresses and such like, clad only
in NATURES garh. sent, Fritz declared,
anonymously, altogether unsolicited and
through wholly mistaken ideas of his
character as a newspaper man and a gen
tleman.
His A. p brethren, as well as the local
press, refused. however. to accept any ex-
plantations His troubles accumulated
from day to day, as his reputation got
worse
Live it down.! his friends advised.
But the more he tried to live it down the
worse 1t got. He became so guarded, so
suspicious of his every word and move
ment that he even edged off on the side
walk every time a woman passed him,
and was on several occasions observed to
close his eyes, when he thought he be-
lieved If not mistaken, she might think,
or somebody on the street or up in the
windows might think. he was trying to
f1irt.
His desire Ito keep company" say on
pleasant Sunday evenings with the ladies,
grew farther and farther from realiza-
ton. His hope, to get a girl, some way,
somehow-alas! Even the hope spread
sail.
What hurt most was that in the ex-
preston of this desire, this hope, he had
flown in the face of his principles, his
theory of the life practical, the life eco
nomical.
The fiat that bore his idea of woman
was draped like a funeral car. On board
was something In lots of clothes lace
ribbons silk petticoats, such as he had
seen in the Seventh street windows bear
ing $40 price mark; pink corsets and such
like, that once removed the figure to his
minds eye would flop all out OF shape.
Then ii had hair, of course, and hairpins
and side combs tortoise shell in all prob
ability, and he had priced tortoise shell.
Millinery. still another item parasol,
gloves, fancy pocket handkerchiefs and
perhaps dropsttch stockngs-oh, 1t was
impossiblei From an economical point OF
view the whole thing was absurd! Then,
too. the consequence it represented, for
Fritz was man who looked far ahead
and-he-invariably counted a large prog
eny-shoes to buy, constantly shoes.
atrimony--absolutely out of the ques-
ton No use. He naturally felt sorry
for the woman; to be an old maid was
hard for her.
The A Ps decided for him finally. 1t
was this decision that primarily caused
his mental depression.
They introduced Fritz to some eligible
ladies-friends of theirs, they said
friends of their wives and sisters, in fact,
they said.
The first was a young lady whose hair
and complexion matched Fritzs only It
was artifce, not nature like Fritz's was.
Her name, so Mr. Gottlieb was told, was
Miss Teennie Van Horn.
Now, Fritz" advised his friends, you
must invite the girls to go places-that's
what you must do. You mustn't sit on
their doorsteps every Sunday evening and
talk shop to them, but take them out on
trolley rides, take them to the shows,
treat them, old man. No woman in her
right senses would refuse a good looking
man like you If you do it all in proper
style. And don't talk about your stories"
So Fritz invited Miss Teennie Van Horn
to go with him to the baseball game the
second afternoon he met her. Luckily he
had free tickets, so he was only out OF
pocket on the extra car fare, he informed
her.
It was blazing hot and the tickets were
for the bleachers-not the grandstand-
and Miss Van Horn had left her parasol
at home She stood 1t for one hour and
then she got up.
Fritz shifted uneasily.
"Qute a pleasant afternoon" he STAN
mered ITO promenade, don't you think,
Won GnnnOga w nrOmpDada
down Seventh street?'
Miss Teennie Van Horn, she said mike
I'm a-goin' to ride" So Mr.. Gottlieb was
out another fare. Miss Van Horn called
down the hall to the servant when he
saw her home:
you tell that guy to git move on i'm
an clear outr'
This was a trihe discouraging, but there
was Lady No. 2, Miss Cordelia Hardness,
his friends said. He invited her out to
spend Sunday at Glen Echo.
Don't trouble about the lunch" he
said, 'I will prepare that, Miss Hark-
ness"
So they went. Miss Cordella Hardness
and chewing gum.
When she saw the lunch; rye bread
neatly and sparsely buttered, with Bologna
sausage and a quail In box with with
cred lettuce leaves between the whole
tied In brown paper. She forsook Fritz
for some strange young BeHtleHleH WHO
winked at her from afar.
Lady No. 3 was Miss Ophelia Leckie
Mr. Gottlieb invited her to see Richard
Mansfield In Julius Caesar. First, he said
they would go to dinner. And he took her
to The Star, on Ninth street, meals 10
cents each
When Miss Ophela Leckie tasted all
this and heard they were going to the
peanut gallery, she quit on the spot, so
Fritz went to the show by himself.
He possessed some trolley tickets is
sued free by a real estate firm to go out
and inspect Anacostia property. He in
vited Lady No 4, Miss Sylvia Smoot.
VERY pleasant to take a trolley ride
out in the country, don't you think, Miss
Smooth he said. -.
But the ride was a dead failure some
how There wasn't any Scenery" Fritz
thought that was 1t, Just marshes" and
Miss Sylvia Smoot got acquainted with
cut Fritz. He related this drama of his
successive failures to his friends and they
synpathized with him greatly, and ad-
vsed him not to be so extravagant.
1.-The trouble with you, old man." they
said 'is you haven't got any gumption.
You'd be afraid to touch a girls hand.
Now you want to go boldly at it. A girl
don't like a man to hang back all the
time"
Fritz pondered over this.
At length he decided. He would propose
to Miss Maria Schinck. She was an old
friend of his. In fact they had played as
children in one another's back yards and
many was the time she had licked him,
but old scores were old scores. She was
now proper. particular and conventional
t.