davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-08-30

Binks-I see that a pair of shoes can be
Jinks-And I've got a boy who can kick
to pieces a pair of that kind in IL min
utes and 20 seconds.-Cleveland Plain
Dealer.
First Bald Headed Man-No flies or
mosquitoes bothered my bald head this
second Bald Headed Man-what did you
First Bald Headed Man-Had a spiders
web tattooed on my bald spot.-New York
Maid-What's your opinion of The type
OF giTl who never wants to get married.
an opinion on the subject.
Maid3Why are you prejudieed?
Bachelor--No; but I've never seen such
Does that man really believe all he
'sBeIIeve it?"
Why, he doesn't even understand it.
Washington Star.
Old Ladsyy-Don.t you think it's wicked to
4 Fstl, on sunday? wonder what your
Boy-You'd better ask him. ma am; that
is him further up the bank--Scraps.
she-why- did Prof. Echinchker stop
playing at Mrs. Lards musicale?
aSe said he o had TO- because the
key as his music.-FIarper's Weekly.
q
lar and your Uncle Joe promised you 8
cents. how much would you have?
Tommy HiteWood-Id have a pretty
good chance at de quarter.-CIeveIand
Leader.
Did you get any, good bargains this
''Oh, dear. yes; we got a fine one. Ny
daughter Mabel got a foreign count for
only 100000. when his first American wife
had TO pay half a million for him. BAL
timore American.
Mrs Knicker--Do you favor government
inspectors for beef2
Mrs. Booker do; there should be one
IN every kitchen to prevent the cook from
giving the steak to the policeman.-N. Y
Sun.
Captain (of the T4ilaria)-This is my five
hundredth trip across the Atlantic.
Theatrical Manager (absentlyl-Dot's a
pretty fair run; vOt are you going to gif
away free for sOufenirs Puck.
Il cant go to. the concert. I have no
clothes to wear"
Wear that suit Of mine. old chap
''Can'tzits a mile too big for me. !"
We'll say it was made for you in Lon
don ''-Cleveland Leader
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-08-30
EMOTIoNAL INsANITY.

Thaw's lawyers have decided upon a
plea of emotional insanity. but will try
to prove that Thaw was insane only
when he committed the murder and
that he recovered from it Immediately.
An insane man whose insanity doesn' [
go any deeper than that ought to be
shut up behind prison bars for life or
painlessly sent off into the future by a
powerful electric battery
World.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-08-30
The Age of Greed.

"a few days ago. while walking
down an Omaha street. I saw a man
ahead of me drop a pocketbook. A
messenger boy picked it up. Just then
the man missed it and the boy return
ed it to. him without looking inside.
The man gave the boy a quarter. The
boy accepted it, but was disguised.
!" rs dat all I git for bein' honest p
he asked. Yer a pretty cheap guy
g There's just SO in the pocket
book said the man.
Well, yer oughter gimme 81, any
way the boy replied.
Had been the man I'd have
been sorely tempted to add a kick 70
the quarter" concluded the travelling
man. 'sAnd there are lots and lots
OF people just like that boy in this
world Denver Post
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-08-30

The steel trust has arranged for its
supply Of ore for the next Is years. This,
So turn, guarantees that the output of
Pittsburg milionaires win continue
provided. Of course, the tariff on steel
products is maintained. Now If the crop
pr chorus girls continue good the world
can rest assured that its sensational
news win not be abridged. Thus we see
how the fabric OF our business life is
interviewer.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-08-30
one WAY TO CONTRIBUTE.

The RepuDlican nauOnal congressional
committee is soliciting dollar subscrip-
tons from Republicans throughout the
country. We contributed our dollar the
other day by buying a sack of sugar.
The Journal advises other loyal Repub-
deans to make their contributions in the
same manner. as Mr.. Havemyer of the
sugar trust Will doubtless see that Mr..
Calderhead and the other candidates do
not suffer for Want Of funds if they
will only stand pat on the tariff
Scandal Journal
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-08-30

the country. The strong endeavors Of
the squatter-sovereignty days have been.
turned to other achievements. but
turned no less earnestly and successful
". It is a section full of ambition and
activity now. as fifty years ago-For his
soul goes marching on"
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-08-30

A pathetic story is being told of a
woman who purchased a ticket from
Chicago to FL Paso and return. On the
return trip she was taken sick in Kan
sas and was compelled TO stop at a hos
pita1 for treatment and when she was
ready to resume her journey the rail-
roads could not carry her on her ticket
because of the Hepburn rate bill. The
poor woman was out of money. and
heretofore. the story relates, the rail-
roads have always taken such extern
uating circumstances into consideration
and carried passengers on their excur-
sion tickets The roads, of course, re-
gret very much the hardship worked
on the afflicted passenger, but the
Hepburn bill must be 2bsyed. There
IS a joke in connection with this story.
and everybody will appreciate It. It was
evidently sent out for publication to be
released some time after the Hepburn
bill goes into effect. but some enterpris-
ing newspaper got hold OF it and printed
It before the story was ripe. There was
nothing to prevent the road carrying
1.-The poor woman on the ticket she
purchased in Chicago it was the
fact that there was no'such woman
Salina Journal
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-08-30
A ChiId,s Odd Mind

The late Henry n. Pillsbury, the
famous chess player. was fond of
children, and delighted in incidents
that illustrated the originality of the
child mind.
At the Mercantile library, the haunt
of Philadelphia's chess players, Mr.
Pillsbury said one day:
Il cultivate children because they
teach me new ways of looking at
view.
II showed a little girl an aquarium
of japanese goldfish the other day.
How would you like to be a little
fsh?' said I.
Not much, said the little girl.
Why not?' I asked.
Because she said, IF you were a
little fish your mamma wouldn't have
any lap Unidentified.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-08-30

Morton Albaugh says Harris will not
carry twenty counties. Does or does not
edr. Albaugh include Marion in his Iist2
There are disquietng reports from that
region which state that Marion is one
of the counties Mr.. Harris will carry,
and an induisitive public wishes infor-
mation on that point
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-08-30

Most Of the people who spell by ear
anyway do not know anything about
this attempt of President Roosevelt's
70 make their kind of spelling popular.
They are the class that never read the
neWspa pers
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-08-30

So far there have been no better
answers to the Square Deal ques-
tfons" that those given by F. S. Jack
son, the Republican nominee for at
torney general. If Mr.. Jackson can do
Rs well on the stump he might keep
sven the gifted Mr.. Overmyer inter
ksted
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-08-30

Since It has become known that Vice
President Fairbanks has farm in MI
nois, Uncle Joe" Cannon has gone over
dnto Indiana and purchased a little
batch of 400 acres. Uncle joe appar-
antly proposes to play the game
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-08-30

The magazines that thought every
thing possible had been exposed were
evidently mistaken. Here ". H. Barnes
comes along and exposes the cemeteries.
1t appears that we must pay tribute to
graft even after we are dead.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-08-30
ERON OTHER PENS
DISPOSED ro,PEAcEFULNEss.

Japan is inclined to make an AMIGA
bic settlement of the trouble that
arose over the killing of several sub
jects who were poaching Uncle Sam s
seals. The mikado evidently doesn't
want to ruffie the feathers of the Amer
lean eagle.-St. Louis Republic.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-08-30
Use for old Bill FIaxham

The train had stopped at a little
town in Kansas
The passenger in the check suit.
who was sitting by a car window.
opened conversation with the native
on the station platform.
Seeing trains going through is
about all the excitement you have
here. isn't it?" he asked.
No said the native. I'VE got a
gas well here. 1t ketched fire yister-
day, and we had dickens of a time
putin 1t out
How did you manage ft?"
We'll, sir, after we'd tried every
thing else we TUX old Bill FIaxharn.
soused him in the boss trough
dumped him on the mouth of the well
and the fire went out all to wunst.'
why couldn't you have used any
other man Just as we'll %
Cause, sir. Bill Flaxham is the
biggest sponge in the whole darned-''
But here the train moved off-Ex-
change
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-08-30

John Macdonald points out that
President Roosevelt is going backward
instead Of forward in his spelling re-
form, as some of the words in the re
formed" list were spelled that way a
esntury ago. but were then reformed"
60 make them regular dramatically
land John Macdonald is authority in
kansas.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-08-30

Just fifty years ago the battle Of Osa-
NTatomie was fought. This is a greatly
dinerent country now from what it was
nifty years ago. Says the Ottawa Her
aid. The story of the advancement
that has come to the Kansas border. in
kha fifty ears since Jayhawk and Mis-
Hourian let out each others blood in
frank enthusiasm Is as wonderful mar
bative In its way as the history Of the
8ariy strife which drove slavery from
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-08-30

Porter Moss says it is so dark in his
corn field on account of the marvellous
growth of the corn that the lightning
bugs can be seen in it in the daytime
the same as at night.-Ponca City
Courier.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-08-30

When Mr.. B. P. Waggener takes his
pen in hand it usually results in some
1oreible sentences. Ditto Mr.. William
Allen White. Now that these two
estimable gentlemen have begun to
shoot words at one another, the kan
sas public viii have all the excitement
Of an impromptu joint debate. even II
Mr.. Harris and Mr.. Hoch. or Mr.. Jack
son and Mr. Overmyer fail to get to-
gether. Let the good work 90 on.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-08-30

+ Anyway President Nipple. of the
philadelphia smash-up, did not run
away as did President stensland, Of
Chicago.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-08-30

Philadelphia is now objecting because
motor cars use too loud "siren" horns
and whistles. Philadelphia evidently
doesn't like to have its maps disturbed.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-08-30

II Stensland is taking in the sights
- all the places where he is reported
ke be. he will become a well-traveled
knan IN short order.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-08-30

President Roosevelt might issue an
other formal declination of a renomi-
nation. just to show people how he
Acan use reformed spelling.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-08-30
IMAGINARY.

One of these days we shall all get
together again and try to entertain one
good things in Chicago.-Chicago IN
ter-Oeean.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-08-30

i President Palma is the father Of his
eountry, bat the job has some draw
backs when ones country makes a
kuss about it.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-08-30
THEY KNOW OTHER THINGS.

It Will be hopeful sign when south
ern orators invited to speak in the west
are given some other subject than 1.-The
Race Problem. ''-Columbia State
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-08-30

All delays are not dangerous. Take.
for instance, the postponement of the
balloon trip to the pole.-St. Louis
Globe-Democrat.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-08-30

What, by the way, is causing this ad-
Vance in the price of railway stocks
The Hepburn law or the cutting of Of
tss supply of passes2
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-08-30

Uncle Joe Cannon is having about as
lively a time as when congress was in
session.-Cleveland Leader.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-08-30

Fred Trigg recently asserted that
Kansas City has half a baseball team.
but since it has fallen below the 500
uerk. Mr.. Trigg feels called upon to re-
tract .
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-08-30

The appeal for campaign contribu-
tons might be appropriately termed a
sdollarous'' cry.-New Orleans Times
Democrat.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-08-30

If the Kentucky bellies who have Just
returned from Europe are quoted cor
Tectly by the New York newspapers.
we Judge there is a shortage of gram
mars in old Kentucky. 4AH
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-08-30
FULL LEASED WIRE REPORT
OF THE ASSOCIATED PRESS

Colonel Harris says he is willing to
Hebate with Governor Hoch. Now let
1ne fireworks begin.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-08-30
HOW ABOUT FROsTs ?

When one comes to think about It,
warm weather in August need not take
any one by surprise.-Council Bluffs
Nonpareil.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-08-30
BURY THE WIRES.

The overhe cad wires are again the
subject of discussion Let the subject
be buried for good and all.-Baltimore
American.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-08-30
THE BOY HE MEANT,

When John D. said a few days ago
that he felt like a boy again he may
have meant the boy who has been eat
ing green apples.-Chicag Record
Herald.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-08-30
SETTING A STANDARD.

Pittsburg IS to have a new 100000
600 union station. Now If Pittsburg
Will only try to live up to it, morally!
Boston Globe.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-08-30
BUSY MR. GOMPERS

Mr. GOmpers VIII have MS hands
full If he assumes the management of
the Panama canal and the presidential
election at the same time.-Chicago
Tribune.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-08-30
ONI.Y sKTRMIsHING NOV

After all. the real presidential battle
Courier.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-08-30

Wanted-A safe and sane bank ex-
aminer before instead of after.@Cin-
cinnati Commercial-Tr
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-08-30
HUMOR OF THE Day

Binks-I see that a pair of shoes can be
made by machinery in 16 minutes
Jinks-And I've got boy who can kick
to pieces a pair Of that Kind in II min
utes and 20 seconds--Cleveland Plain
Dealer.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-08-30

Does that man really believe all he
Believe it?''
why, he doesn't even understand It -
Washington Star.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-08-30

Old Lady-Don't you think it's wicked to
fish on Sunday? I wonder what your
father would say about it,
Boy-You,d better ask him, ma am; that
Is him further up the bank.-Scraps.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-08-30

Maid-What's your opinion OF The type
of girl who never wants to get married
Bachelor-I'm not qualified to express
an opinion on the subject
Maid-Why are you prejudiced2
Bachelor-No. but I've never seen such
type.-Philadelphfa Press.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-08-30

She-Why did Prof Echinchker stou
playing at Mrs. Lard's musicale?
He-He said he had to, because the
conversation was not pitched in the same
Key as his music.-Harper' Weekly.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-08-30

Did you get any good bargains this
season, Mrs. Newrich?''
"Oh, dear. yes; we got a fine one NY
daughter Mabel got a foreign count for
only 100000, when his first American wife
had to pay half a million for him. Bal
timore American.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-08-30

Mr. Titewood-If I promised you dol
lar, ana your Uncle Joe promised you 3
cents, how much would you have?
Tommy aiteWood-I'd have a pretty
good chance at de quarter.-Cleveland
The Washington times., 1906-01-21
CREATURE NOT HUMAN
SAID TO BE ON MARS
Prof. Turner, Of Oxford, Pretty Sure
But Thinks Conditions I'm
suited TO Man.

LONDON. Jan. 20.-Prof- Turner. OF
oxford, feels as sure as NJ. Camille
Flammarion that our neighboriug plan
cts are Inhabited. In the course Of his
la.est lecture on the subject, he said,
IN dealing with the planet Mars all
the observations OF astronomers have
come 70 little The planets are so like
the earth in many respects that il
seerls unreasonable TO think that life
is confined 10 the latter sphere. II
there is life 1t must be very different
from the forms Of life on earth. / can-
not understand why people persist in
picturing the inhabitants of the plan
cts "a men
1T should be borne IN mind that we
are carefully adapted 10 the conditions
Of life on earth. and as the conditions
vary on the planets so do the forms of
life there vary, 10 be adapted TO these
conditions.
Life is not dependent upon air. foI
there are certain low forms Of life
viii n can exist better without It; and
given the same conditions on some
other planet. this lower kind of life
may have developed just as we have
developed
The Washington times., 1906-01-21
Evansville

Mrs Alfred II. Wells. of Spencer
street. has returned after a few days
visit to relatives in Baltimore.
William Redman. Of Brentwood. has
moved to Washington for the winter.
Mrs. John G. Holden entertained a
number of her friends at a progressive
euchre party at her home on Ralston
avenue on Friday evening last.
The Evansville Farmers Club held its
regular monthly meeting at the resi-
dence of Charles II. Stanley. of Laurel.
yesterday evening
Mr.. McCuteheon. of Brentwood. has
returned 10 his Washington home TO
spend the winter months.
The recently organized social club
composed Of the young people Of West
EVANSVILLE and known as the Evans
VILE Nine. was entertained at the home
Of Dr. and Mrs c. A. Cara on Tues
day evening.
William Dow. who has been confined
TO his home with the grip for several
weeks, is out again.
Joseph Tanning was absent on a short
business trip TO Annapolis last week.
The ladies Of the Presbyterian Church
have announced an entertainment "a
be given in the Masonic Hall on Friday
January 2e.
Father Johnson. of Baltimore. former
pastor of St. Jerome's Catholic Church
Of this town. and Mrs. Thompson. also
or that city. are the guests Of Mrs. T
J. Van DOTen. or Wine avenue.
The Washington times., 1906-01-21
Gallinger's Bill Endorsed.

Senator Gallinger's bill for the reor-
gan!zation of the school board was dis
casse1. by the members of the associa-
on and a resolution was adopted in
dorsng it.
A letter from Secretary S. Sowerbutts
of the Northeast Washington Citizens
Association asking the Hillsdale Asso-
citation 70 consider the question of munI-
Cipal ownership OF public utilities in the
District. was read. This matter was
deferred until the next meeting of the
association.
Miss lone Shaw celebrated the nine
teenth anniversary of her birthday at
the home of her parents. Mr. and Mrs.
J. Shaw, of Silver Springs, Md, Thurs
Gay evening. Games were played dur
ing the evening and refreshments were
served. The following were present.
Misses c. WI Shaw. Halle Shaw. Cora
Oliver, May Oliver, Lucy Reilly, Nettie
GIL. Estella Glover, Grace Barns. Iu-
ellie Coberth, Messrs. Milton Shaw Levi
Gill, L. Shaw, Walter GIL, Walter
Thompson, Will Thompson, Howard
Barnes. Ollie Coberth. Edgar Murphv.
and Joseph B. Neslin
Lieutenant Shilling. night police in
spector was recent visitor at the An
acostia precinct The locu, sration was
also visited by Capt. Francis Cross,
last Saturday.
Laurel Tent. No. 110l, Independent Or
der of Rechabites. held box - ciaI last
Wednesday evening at Haincs' Hall.
The Washington times., 1906-01-21
AMERICAN PEERESSES
MIXED IN LAWSUITS
Dowager Lady Abinger Asked TO Sg-
render Home to New Lord,
Late Sons Cousin.

LONDON. Jan. 5O.-Two American
peeresses. the Dowager Lady Abinger and
Lady Marlborough. are both preparing
for family lawsuits
The present Lord Ab'nger, who was
cousin OF the dowageT's son. and who
was not liked By the late peer and his
mother. Is now going 10 law over the
possession Of Inverlochy Castle, which
the d0wager claims was left to her by
her husband for her lifetime. The pres
ent Lord Abinger who IS poor. natur-
ally casts covetous glances at the
beautiful Scotch place. which brings,
with the sporting rights. something like
$50 coo per annum. The dowager intends
10 night it with ali her strength and
means 10 spare no legal expenses.
Lady Newborough's husband is making
a great attempt TO rescue some Of his
Welsh property. which passed into the
hands OF one or his unCles. If he sue
ceeds. Lady Marlborough will be able
TO SHINE as brilliantly in the social world
as she desires. for there is coal on the
property
Lord Marlborough is an indulgent hus-
band, but even he occasionally kicks
at his wife's passion fer entertaining
and being seen everywhere.
The Washington times., 1906-01-21

town. The Misses Clara and Carrie
Turner will spend the winter with Mrs
Welsh
The handsome residence OF w. s.
Lord. near Lanham. was totally de-
stroyed by fire on Tuesday Owing 10
the isolated situation of the house no
assistance reached the place in time TO
fight the flames The total loss IS esti-
mated at about 5000; $500 OF this
amount was covered by insurance
A special meeting of he town coun-
ell was held on Thursday evening 70
select some one to take charge OF the
gasolene street lamps anti such a time
as gas or electric lights are installed.
T. H Garrison was appointed TO that
position at a salary of SO per month.
No other business was transacted.
Several Representatives Of the Wash
ington Gas Light Company were IN town
on Thursday to advocate gas as a
means OF lighting the streets. II they
can secure the contract for lighting
the streets they purpose to extend q
main 10 HyattsvilIe and also furnish
private dwellings with gas. Nothing
definite was done. but 1t has since been
learned that several prominent citi-
cheaper and would not necessitate bond
/ ing the town.
| Mr. and Mrs. Hugh Latimer celebrat-
ed the tenth anniversary Of their mar
riage on Monday last at their home on
| Locust avenue. The greater part Of the
guests were composed Of relatives Of
NJ Latimer and wife who was a Miss
/ Moran before her marriage.
/ inson Jones. the youngest son OF Z.
! Jones, Of Longview, who has been
confined 10 the Episcopal Eye. Ear and
| Throat Hospital IN Washington. un-
derEcing treatment for an abscess, viii
return 10 his home on Monday.
| The recently elected officers of the
Epworth League Of the Johnson Ave
nue. Methodist Church were installed
/ on Wednesday evening by representa-
/ tives OF the Epworth League board of
| the District Of Columbia. The corps Of
| C GERS 10 serve for the ensuing year
| consists OF Walter A Wilson. presl-
deat. Mrs. ". Beavers. first vice pres
| ident; Mrs. r. 3. Adams. second vice
| president; Mrs. r. J. England. third
vice president; Mrs. r /. COrwin,
/ fourth vice president; John J. Calhoun,
! treasurer, r L CorWin. secretary
! Rev. s Ward RICHTER. Of the PTesby-