davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-06-18
JAYHAWKER JOTS

Ex-Governor Bailey will make the
eagle do a tall job of screaming at
Mcpherson on July 4.
Frank farrell rises to present this
request for information: Major Beck
SAYS he is thankful that he isn't
Mormon, because he has trouble
enough explaining things to one wife.
If he is able to explain things to one
wife, we would like to borrow his
recipe.
A farmer in Mcpherson county
makes his automobile do double duty.
He uses it in the daytime to run
errands and to oversee things on the
farm. Alright he jacks it up of the
ground, connects it with a small
dynamo and supplies his home with
electric lights.
Hen story by the Harper Advocate:
Smith Goss tells a pretty good hen
story. Last Sunday afternoon his boys
drove to town to attend a funeral,
and when they arrived at the church
they discovered a hen under the seat
and in looking under the chicken flew
out They paid no attention to the
hen, and left her to walk around the
church yard. At night Mr.. and Mrs
Goss attended services, and in driving
up noticed the hen stin near the
church When they got home they
discovered the hen again under the
seat What bothers Mr.. Goss is how
the hen knew his buggy and returned
home in the same place as it came to
town.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-06-18
oUAKER REFLECTToNs.

Iron the Philadelphia Record
Lots of men are their own obstacles.
we are more apt to get what we
deserve than what we want.
Hoax-"Does your parrot talk?" Joax
-"Oh, a sort of polyglot."
The crook can make name for him
self by merely adopting an alias.
HeZ"Share my lot She-"No.
thanks. I'm going to be cremated.
Wine is a mocker, especially when
you are thirsty and haven't the price.
The man who stops to discriminate
between right and wrong viii never get
rich.
The trouble with the fellow who de-
mands fair play is that he always wants
to be the judge.
The great circus man was looking
for a ticket seller Are you quick at
making changer he demanded Of the
applicant Yes, sir; quick and mac
curate,f replied the young man. Ma
tural TO say. he got the Job.
Wigwag-"These old proverbs give
me a WEAKNESS. There's no sense IN
them. Take the one about the longest
way round being the shortest way
home. Isn't that absurd2's Guzzler-
"Oh, I don't know. Maybe there are
no saloons on the longest way round
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-06-18

Max Schwartz, Yale's swimming di-
rector, was talking about professional
ism ana trickery in college athletics.
Straight work is the only kind that
counts, said Mr.. Schwartz. Colleges
that take up tricky methods get tricky
athletes They lose, on the whole, more
than they gain.
You can't, you see, use corrupt
methods except on corrupt persons,
and corrupt persons are never trust
worthy. So your meth DDS are as like as
not to fail, the tools they are used on
being so uncertain.
They have in France men called
claqueurs. These men go to the thea
ter and applaud boisterously at so
much night. You'll see them, TWEEN
ty or thirty in a row, seated in the top
gallery, clappfng like mad. under the
direction Of a ragged leader.
Well, on a first night at a Sheater
in Paris, huge claque sat in the gal
lery, and. to the surprise of everybody,
this claque, at every climax in the per-
Torrance, applauded and Kissed stimuli
came 4 thunder of approval, but from
their mouths issued Kisses of disgust.
What the deuce said a young man
to the leader of the claque, is the
meaning of all this? Are you fellows
crazy, that you clap and hiss at the
same timer
oh, no; not at ALL the leader re-
piled. You see, the author of this new
piece paid me to get fifty men to ap-
plaud, while his rival from the theater
across the way paid me an equal sum
to hiss the piece off the stage Xxx
change.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-06-18
THE MATTER WITH KANSAS.

Sometimes somebody says something
that makes US stop and think. The
Birmingham News undertakes to dis
cuss the time-worn topic. Whats the
matter with Kansas" and after men
tioning some things on which there
may a difference of opinion, it says:
lone thing, however, which does
not seem to have been widely com
mented on is the fact that Kansas ap-
pears to have a great deal Of trouble
with its United States senators. One
senator from Kansas committed sui
eide, one retired years ago to escape
the humiliation of expulsion, one was
defeated for reelection by evidence
that he purchased votes; one had his
election Investigated by the senate
committee which reported that brib-
cry in his interest was proved, but that
it was not clear he was a party to the
same or that a sufficient number of
votes were purchased to change the
result And. then Burton, the con-
victed CRATER, who is under a prison
sentence, and who resigned from the
senate just before his fellow senator's
were ready to expel him
OF course we can't deny it. And the
News continues:
kansas does lot of boasting. It
is proud of it's churches and schools,
and declares that 1t has more of them
per capita than any other state and a
smaller percentage Of foreign born
than most of the other states. In poll
tics, however. Kansas has not estab-
Hshed an enviable record. and in the
selection of a number Of its United
States senators it seems to have shown
poor judgment. That is one Of the
things that are the matter with Kan
sas."
If loyal Kansan were going to say
it he probably wouldn't say 1t just that
way; yet there is enough of truth in
what the News says to make Kansas
stop and think.
The question is. what is Kansas go
ing to do about? Kansas can answer
when the senatorial election takes
place next winter VIII she tolerate
any more of the kind enumerated by
the NeWs9
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-06-18

ALL ABOUT A DOG.
A very splendid beast is he
With recorded pedigree.
Exhibited at any show
hes sure OF a first prize, know.
His massive head is finely set.
his muzz-e Is as black as jet.
His ears have just the proper lop,
Ills tail the very latest crop.
He's thoroughbred from tail to tip.
hear he has an awful grip.
Such teeth, so very white and keen.
IN sueh array are seldom seen.
His legs are bowed. his chest is deep.
Ills rum pllng growl would make you creep.
His jaws are like big steel trap.
shudder when hear them snap.
| love a dog that's finely bred,
l5ull on, wish that dog was dead
That some dishonest man, at least.
Would kindly come and steal the beast.
For my, part I would much prefer
A poodle or toy terrier.
do not think her fathers right
10 let the creature loose at night
Chicago News.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-06-18

Grandma will be so angry, 81 shs
knows you helped US escape, JessLca
had answered but at that Jimmy Only
smiled.
Verv shortly he made her sit down
on the bench under the big elm, and
went away whistling-to reappear, al
in a Whiffet, driving spanking pair,
which drew a double seated vehicle
Il think we'd better make the trip
a quick one" was all he said IN an
swer to Jessy's expostulatlon-
Almost before she knew It she was
sitting beside him. bowling along the
turnpike at the teams best pace As
quickly her mother was gathered up,
and the hand luggage properly be-
slowed, Jimmy amazed Jessy by bid
ding her sit behind. adding. I want 10
talk to Mammy-and these horses
don't let me turn my head for any
considerable time
Jessy began to feel desperately
lonesOme-she could not even divert
herself by watching the dazzle OF the
flying spokes as the wheels spun
round. Jimmy was driving very fast
and keeping to the turnpike. It
must be he meant to take them
through toWn-that, no doubt, &C
counted for his choice of a rig. She
knew he hated a shabby outfit=es-
pecially upon Saturdays ana court
days. Il might be he had business
that could not wait-but somehow she
anything but her extremity. Then she
sank into a sort of daze. wondering
duly, how 1t would seem to ind her
self a pauper, duly committed. She
had not thought of that before-of
course there were legal forms before
they could claim the last refuge OF
the destitute. and would not the au-
th0rities get hack at Grandma She
had a dim idea that weIl-to-do folk
had to answer for their near kin.
No doubt that was what Jimmy
was speaking about-he was talking
low and eagerly to Mamma. Yes. he was
turning the horses toward the court
house square. In wink they drew
up there. and Jimmy, springing down.
held out his arms to her. You know
there are-arrang EN- nts-will you
trust me to make them p he asked
very low.
Jessica could only bow her head
speech was beyond her. Jimmy look
ed at her, his eyes tender yet mis-
caievous. Il want to commit you for
life, to a poor house of which I am
keeper" he whispered. Mamma IS
willing-what do you say?"
Nothing" Jessica said-but as she
said it she laid her hand in Jimmy's
strong clasp. and dropped her long
dashed lids to veil a rush OF happy
tears.-( Copyright, 1906, by Ruby
Douglas.)
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-06-18

lions Of a senator. Since he wonld
have had to look to the legislature for
continuance in Office after March 3.
next year. he was wise to stick to his
job as secretary of the state board Of
agriculture and the statistical signer of
the glory OF Kansas. As for the sug-
gestion that the unfortunate history Of
the Kansas senatorshfp, beginning
with James H. Lane, who was elected
in 1851. worked on Mr. Coburn's
superstition. it is enough to say that
the author Of The Helpful Hen Pc
tato Production and Agriculture and
Homemaking.' is also a collector of
horseshoes
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-06-18
HVMOR OF THE Day

0ffice Boy--Want to see the guv-nor2
What shall 1 say2
Visitor-Herr SchWeitzsalsburghaus
Office Boy-Oh, I shant be able to pro-
nounce all that I'm leaving al the end Of
the week.-Punch.
You can't guess what sister said about
you just before you came in, Mr.. Highcol-
lar, said little Johnnie.
7 haven't an idea in the world. John
That's it. You guessed it the very hrst
time. milwaukee Sentinel.
Ethyl wonder why Maude is afraid to
venture out in a shower?
Mayme-Shes hunting a husband
Ethyl-What has that got to do with it,
Mayme-She believes in keeping her
powder dry.-Chicago Daily News
Graball-so you sent your boy around
the globe for a little trip. Ell? 1 heard he
was dabbling some in stocks.
Ritchie-DabbHnE He probably was-at
ment he was Laundering in them!-Puck.
Puck.
Mrs. Whyte-Is your husband even tenn
Dered2
Mrs. Browne-Wen, yes, I suppose so.
sometimes he's even bad tempered
Somerville Journal
Miss Passay-Do you know, I sometimes
fear that shall never see my thirtieth
birthday
Mr. Blunt-You won't-unless you be-
Heve in reincarnation.-Clevel Leader.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-06-18
POINTED PARAGRAPHS.
[From the Chieago News.l

EFrom the Chicago News1
A boy never let's his new watch run
down.
Matrimony has spoiled many q So
called friendship.
Jealousy bears a lot Of fruit that
should not be preserved
Admirers of the rural maid are apt to
be in the hoe-beau class.
Ex-heroes can't understand why the
world has such poor memory.
When trouble drives a man to drink,
drink drives him to more trouble.
Don't waste time finding fault with
yourself; that's what your friends are
for.
Insanity is said to be akin to love-but
a man in love doesn't care If he is crazy.
If a woman is IN love with a man she
always believes what he says when she
says she doesn't.
We always say we don't want our
friends to grieve after we are gone-and
they don't after the novelty wears OF.
1t is easy to say what you would do
in another mans place, but when il
comes to doing the proper thing in your
own place-well, that different
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-06-18
GLOBE SIGHTS.


From the Arcn1SOn GLOBE.
To be rich means to own a lot Of
dangerous toys.
Can a man make a man as much
trouble as a woman?
Women have a great time finding
hats and men that suit them.
Some men attend a circus because
they have no longer any show at
home.
rooster does lot of flirting;
and always gets his head chopped
Some stingy people. when nothing
else free is offering, go in for free
personals.
When man is desperately in love
with woman, she can explain any
thing to him.
If you can't resist the temptation
to gossip, at least wait until a shoot
ing warrants it.
AS rule. the longer a woman has
been married, the louder her voice
when she speaks to her husband.
There isn't any distinction that can
come to a man later IN life as great
as that he enjoyed as q boy because
he was once almost drowned.
"Of course It wouldn't do for me to
say anything" a man said to a re-
porter today, but you could easily
say" 50 and 50 (and incidentally get
up a row.
The best way to do is to keep still:
If you talk about your friends be-
hind their backs you are a gossip,
and if you talk about them to their
faces you are impolite.
The children have found the bright
side of the drouth: It is possible
these days to make arrangements any
day to take boiled eggs and pie to
the woods without any fear Of rain.
A visiting girl in Atchison has
made the claim that every member of
her family has an individual automo-
bile the same as most families have
individual salt cellars. Still, when she
was taking a ride In an Atchison ma
chine recently. she kept reaching her
hand up for the bell strap when she
wanted TO stop.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-06-18
EROE OTTER PENS

THRIFT THAT MAFES WEALTH
The public debt of France is $1,000
900, tT0, al held at home. In addition
the French people own foreign secui-
tics to the stupendous aggregate of
$4,000, 900. 000 and it is further es-
timated that an equal amount is placed
in home securities These figures may
be xaggerated-all but those repre-
senting the public debtvbut5 they IL
lustrate the virtue there is in thrift,
which is also 4 German usage. There
is no Rockefeller. no Carnegie, in
France, though there may be a lesser
Russell Sage. The French people do
not get rich at a hop, skip and jump;
they accumulate by slow degrees they
economic. The crime of crimes in
rural France is waste, and France
would subsist on what America throws
away. Within the past year there have
rotted on American farms enough ma
chinery and utensils to supply agri-
cultural France the next quarter Of a
century, ashington Post.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-06-18
HOME NEWS WHILE AWAY.

Subscribers Of the state Journal
away during the summer may have
the paper mailed regularly each day
to any address at the rate of ten cents
q week or thirty cents month (oy
mail only. Address changed as often
as desired. While out Of town the
state Journal viii be to you Ike a
daily letter from home.
Advance payment is requested on
these short time subscriptions, to save
bookkeeping expense.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-06-18
The Love Plants OF west indies.

did you ever hear Of the love
plant2'' asked Captain Atwater of the
schoolship Saratoga, who was showing
several visitors over the old craft the
other day. 81 have several in the cab
in He showed three small leaves at
tached to the ceiling by strings. They
were without any soil or foundation,
but were green, and from each there
sprouted a dozen or more little leaves,
greener and fresher than the main leaf
Itself During our last cruise in the
West Indies" the captain continued,
ct visited a deserted English fortress,
which was grown over with shrubbery.
A native plucked several leaves from a
vine and told me to hang them some
where and write the name Of my best
girl on them If they die, he said.
She does not love you. If they sprout
she does I put my wife's name on
one and my two daughters names on
the others You see, although they
have been without nourishment for
three months, all three are sprouting
well. and my family's affections seem
assured. Philadelphia Record
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-06-18
OPPORTUNITY.

It was time that somebody took a fall
out of John J. ingalls, poem. "Oppor-
tunity,' as President James of the Uni
versity of Illinois has now done. In
this age when opportunities are lying
around so thick that a man almost
steps on them. it seems strange that
a poem bemoaning the alleged fact that
there was but one opportunity for each
man and that it sometimes came when
he was asleep should have had such
popularity. Take the case of Mr.. Bry-
an. Opportunity has been chasing him
ever since he broke the news to the
startled Democratic convention of 1895
that he was on earth. Although he is
travelling in foreign lands to get away
from it, opportunity still pursues him
by telegraph, cable and wireless. There
are opportunities every day, but it is
not every man who knows them when
he seems them.-Chicago News.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-06-18
Well. suppose I was ?"
Conservative Senator Tinman,

Senator Tillman, the tentative
statesman from South Carolina, and
Former Senator William E. Chandler
of New Hampshire are close friends.
When Chandler was in the senate he
had a habit of jumping in when Till
man was speaking. goading him to
fury@for Chandler has waspish way
with him-and then sitting down and
watching Tillman perform.
Tillman took It all in good part, and
now they are bosom companions. At
ter Tillman had been put in charge of
the railroad rate bill in the senate he
consulted Chandler about his report.
Chandler took the manuscript and read
it carefully. He came to a sentence
which concluded: Men so rich they
do not know within a score of millions
how much they own or, more properly
speaking, how much they have stolen
from the people.
IT think, Tillman." said Chandler.
that would change that word 'stol
en- to seized
you would do what?" asked Till
Change that word stolen to
seized
Senator Tillman took the report and
studied the sentence long time Then
he sighed and said:
''All right; I'll change 1t, but seized
is almighty conservative for me. -
Saturday Evening Post.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-06-18

The New York Evening Post makes
this interesting comment on Mr.. Co
burns declinauon: #. D. Coburn,
who has declined the appointment as
United States senator to succeed Bur-
ton of Kansas, knows his state better
than does Governor Hoch. a biogra-
pher has written: He prides himself
on how little he knows about politics.;
and again. he has not been IT. the
Copeland hotel lobby Gn Topeka) for
years This sort Of ignorance may
seem admirable at a distance, and we
may regret that the hardest worker in
Kansas is not to go to the Senate. But
in Topeka, politics is imbibed with
simple arithmetic; at the next session
of the legislature Mr.. Coburn would
have found that a governor with u
large imagination and Republican
organization that lives because Of the
work Of the hotel lobbyists have radi-
sally different ideas as to the, oualiaca-
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-06-18
JOURNAL ENTRIES

We note that there is a great dea! OF
stirring news in the country papers Just
now about alum in baking powder,
but the country doesn't seem to be
getting excited about it.
Nobody will blame Bill Morgan Tor
running off to. Europe since Hutchinson
has bought the st. Joe ball team.
OF course nobody would think Of &C
cusing Uncle Joe Cannon of using a
Big Stick, but even when 1t was init
mated that he hourished a hoe handle
he resented Il.
So much depends on the point Of
view. If a spotter or detective IS
working in your interest or for the en-
forcement of laws you approve he IS
Noble Character who IS only Doing ms
Duty. If he is working for the other
fellow or to enforce laws you don't
like. he is a miserable sneak, trying
to get honest men into trouble and
snoopin' around where he has no bust
ness.
Speaking of hypocrites. there are the
men who decry the peek-a-boo shirt
waist.
When the Kentuekians said last week
that "Kentucky's gates stand wide
open" what was meant was that Ken
tuclzy's jugs were uncorked.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-06-18
CHANCES IN THE BRITIsH

'IoO many influences spoil the Brit
ish" might be adopted as a proverb
Within the last quarter of a century
the American woman has considera bly
altered the character of her British
sister; the American business man has
greatly changed that of his equivalent
in England: the French have accus-
toned US to an attitude of mind which
would have Mortified our parents, and
the Germans have introduced their
military spirit into a country which
has always before been opposed to a
large standing army!-London Graph
-
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-06-18
REFLECTIONs OF a BACHELoR.
iron the New York Press.l

LF'rom the New York Press
It's simply Irresistible the way moon
light all seems to get on a girls lips.
A man must have a queer financial
sense to lead q double life with two
families.
It would seem very queer to have
some relatives you were really glad to
have come on visit to yea
No man can be a good husband IN
less he praises the things MS wife gives
him TO eat even II he can't eat them.
II a wenan owned a house on the
ocean she would want to 20 to q board
ing house II the mountains so as to ten
them about Il.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-06-18
IN THE -CIYILIzEB EAsTl

About 400 sporting men from Berk-
shire towns held a cooking main on
Lebanon mountain. just over the New
York line, yesterday. The authorities
did not interfere but the rain broke
up the gathering before the birds were
fought out. We believe cockfighting
is one of the evidences of depravity
charged against Porto Rico, Cuba and
the Boston Transcript.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-06-18
KANSAS COMMENT


The Republicans of Pennsylvania
speak out in no uncertain tone in their
platform adopted by the state conven-
ton at Harrisburg. They endorse the
president in all OF his efforts to correct
abuses in commerce and industry, con-
denim the managers of industrial enter
prises who have abused their powers by
unfair methods Of competition, by trans
portation Determinations and evasions
of the law. ask particularly for rigid in
spection of meat products and demand
that the ownership of coal mines by
railroads be ended. The adoption of
such clear cut and decisive platform
in Pennsylvania is a. sign of the times.
It shows that the Republican party ev-
erywhere is solidly behind President
Roosevelt, and will assist him to the
end of his program of needed reforms
Leavenworth Times.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-06-18
a POKER STORY

'Reggie" VANDERBILT has just lost
100000 playing poker. All of which
brings to mind a story on a Kansan now
well up on the ladder of fame. He was
standing on the street one morning
looking the picture of despair. A friend
came along and asked him what was
the trouble. The Kansan said he had
just lost $1,000 in a poker game. And
the worst of it is" he r1oaned that
five dollars of it was in money."-Os-
borne Farmer
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-06-18

cant. Louis e. Ijams, Of Bloomington.
III. has sued the estate of Abraham
Rrokaw. a deceased plow manufacturer
Of that town, for $4,000 for his services
in telling the old man funny stories,
reading chapters from the Bible. and in
many other ways Frightening his de-
cIining days during the three years that
the eccentric manufacturer made his
home with him.
He shouldn't be permitted to collect
on the Bible, but any man who can tell
funny stories for three years, and not
succumb with his victim. is certainly
entitled to 50, O00.-Harper's weekly