The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1906-05-07


odor of burning hundred dollar bill
was tiresOme 10 our noses and then
mixed hastily for the sky line. Chey-
enne Red spotted a piece of an old
Sunday newspaper beside the trail with
the picture Of an actress in fighting
costume upon il. and went off bis horse
like grasshopper. The state line hap
pened to intersect that locality. so AL
falfa and l dismounted also, and sat
down with our backs propped up against
the state of Arizona while the rest of
us pressed down hard on the territory
of New Mexico. Cheyenne began to
read about the scandal and gloat over
it with his usual mysterious core
sopndent expression, while Alfalfa and
l meditated. The Citizens Spontane-
Gus COnglomeration for the UpboOst-
ing of the Law in Centipede county
had failed to connect up with US by
the vigitillionth of a CIPHER, and
though we We're still inhaling the ozone
of freedom the pant of the Conglomer-
ate's breath still blistered our colorless
region. One of their bullets had clip
ped off Reds favorite wart and still
others had reduced my rousseau to a
state of ragged indecency. Alfalfa be-
gan to brag about his share in it
Along came lump of lead and drill
led an orifice through my ear. and
within the next ten seconds three other
bullets had gone through the same
opening. I began to get sore and look
ed back al them reproachfuly. Old
Lee-who possesses the loan bank mid
way between the Wheel of Fortune,
where you've got one chance in thou
sand of breaking even. and the La
dies Free Gift Society for the Purchase
of Umbrellas for the Igorrotes where
you haven't-had his field piece CEN
tered upon my equator and [ began
to get nervous Truth is, l owe Lee
some money which I extracted from
him a year ago by means of a fraudu-
lent note ostensibly guaranteed by a
mythical pair of spurious land owners,
so [ fiattened myself along the ridge
pole of my cayuse and began to fret like
photograph in its initial CONFUSION.
OF course you know that Old Lee is
the best wing shot that was ever
spawned in the desert and when |
noticed that he had the correct Gle
walton I began to wonder what my
number would be on his gun butt
Then I started in to pray, but scarcely
had I got the Dear Sir" formulated
than along came the first bullet. It
struck me on the hip pocket scattered
the contents of my wallet all over the
trail ricochetted upward, clipped of
my watch chain and let my ticker fall
in the dust and then knocked the dia-
mond out of my Grape necktie. Say
that was surely an avaricious bullet.
When I looked back again there was
Lee down on his benders in the alkall
grabbing up assets with ten digits as
he mentally calculated how much in
terest he'd lose before he could get
back to town and invest it in chattel
mortgages. Curse him foully and pass
me the religious column of that paper.
Red got on his feet and stood glaring
at us. What do you think of that!'
he exclaimed huskily as he jabbed his
finger through the paper. "A masked
fady road agent held up the Los Len
ties stage last week and got away with
seven hundred dollars. and four col
bedecked by a bouquet of eastern
dudes and she plueked them to their
pinfeathers' Reds eyes got CLASSY
engine. Imagine a lot of he-human
bipeds playing thumbs-up at the end
of a pair of curling tongs and anteing
their pin money into a Charlotte Cor
day bonnet at the command of mere
skirt swisher. It's an insult to man
kind and I'll be hanged if I stand for
it,
Red had been out of sorts with AL
falfa for the past week and now he
made a sudden kick at his chin as he
him personally. Alfalfa saw
it coming caught him by the
heel and jiu-jitsued him hard as he
picked up the dropped thread of con-
But what could a man do
should such an occurrence happen?
He couldn't shoot her. could hep
Il could" yelled Red. still horizontal. |
I'D shoot my grandmother under
similar circumstances" He sat up |
and began pounding on rock with |
the butt of his weapon as he clogged
he air with vocal hieroglyphics. Al
,alfa looked at him disgustedly. |
mo man has firmer bedrock convic- !
tons of the perogatives of the COCK
all sex than myself" he replied. But
.or all of that I believe that woman is |
entitled to her full ten percentage OF
he sum total of human privileges
And I'd like TO meet the degenerate in
six foot ring that would even remote
V contemplate bringing sudden fatal
ty upon the possible step-mother OF
lis children
put suppose she happened to get
he drop on you I inquired as AL
alta subsidized.
s.Then." said he. I'D quail her with
nv eve. But I suppose you'd try to
make love to her and lose out the
"A me as always" Alfalfa despises me
because I am gentleman by breeding
md instinct. while he is of Questionable
lineage and depraved preferences.
Presently Cheyenne began again
Here I am busted once more; so dry
hat my diaphragm rattles against my
and perforated by bullets
ntil my skin won't hold my good in1en-
ions. Yet on the other side of these