davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1906-10-24
THE INNOCENT BYSTANDER


air. Carnage has given a large sum % 81. An
dfews College. and Tie college has adopted the sim
pihed fern q spelimsl
To increase the spread Of E10Wlcdge
! viii help cndou 50lr college
/ viii give you ifty th0usand-yes. and more!
But the science matbsuatic
Is decidedly eratr.
And you'll have 90 teach that one and one are four
It's a hobby I'm pursuing
With the -0Cd that ] am doing
To the places that increase 0u stock Of lore.
To add to 01r CUditi1n
Is ms honorable mission
And I want 90 give a million % YOUR school.
But while you're gladly reaching
For the money. please De teaching
There are sixteen inches iH a tH0-fO1t rule.
It's Nhim I've cultivated
And each dollar Sc donated
Says that we must thus abrdsc the l0iners tool
To help educate you scholars
! uil give sou q million dollars
And hope yoHu registration shows d gain.
But tie thing yoGr got to d5 IS
Teach the pupils that s.. Louis
j. not in good old Missouri but IN Maine
This VIII simrlify instruction
las slpseEt deluetiou
That wiu lessen ycry much the mental strain.
/ To make ail your outlook sunny
J VII give Sou lots a money
TWENTY millions Is the CHECK that I viii write.
( But make ibis small proriso
While for currency SON sigh So
lou must teach the r1piis al that black is white
It's q wilma hobby merely.
Yet Ise always held 20 dearly
I And aant % zee ID taught both day and night.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1906-10-24
Taft stiH Defiant.

Behind the announced determination Of
Secretary Taft 90 so 20 Ohio and make
several speeches there is an interesting
story % Buckeye political intrigue that
has as its objective the Presidential cam
paign of 1903 The present Republican
organization there is dead set against
Judge Taft being entered 10 the race for
the nomination two years hence. il is
known that President Roosevelt looks with
favor upon his War Minister for the sue
cession Quietly, and under cover. the
forces OF opposition have been cIutched
in q desperate struggle for months The
leaders o. the organization in ONO hailed
the pr0fsr OF a place on the Supreme
bench 10 Judge TAFT several months ago
as lOng-SOught relief which would re-
move from them a pressure that was get
ting stronger all the time. When IL be
came evident that the Secretary was 90
decline appointment TO the bench the
opposition 20 him AZ home then had %
bestir itself 10 keep him out of the thick
of Buckeye politics. 1t feared that the
Taft boomers would begin at once 20 set
up the pins for him. Word was passed
down the line from the Organization $
( headquarters TO the file leaders in every
NbtAltdl AlhiSiFA ol l!tt STATE Htl 20 IN
vite Secretary Taft to make a speech N
the pending campaign or otherwise per
sonally 10 participate IN the contest
I These Instructions have been carefully
Obeyed But Representative Burton. who
FLASHED with tho organization forces in the
State convention at Dayton 10 his defeat
has upset all Of these carefully-laid plans
to keep Taft out of the campaign by in
viting him 10 make speech i'm his Dur
tou's) district After Judge Taft had ac-
cepted the Burton invitation there was
nothing for the organization leaders "a
do but 70 invite him to speak under It's
auspices. All of which shows that IN,
Z finest Presidential politics IN the United
I States to-day is being PLAYED in Ohio
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1906-10-24

From Tit-Bits-
\ traveller passing through small
country town noticed post on which
was marked the height to which the river
had risen during recent food.
do you mean 10 say" he asked ma
tive. that the river rose as high as that
in 19-?"
"Oh, no. replied the native; but the
village children used 20 rub of the orig
nal mark, so the mayor ordered It 10 be
reach.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1906-10-24
II MAY BE Taft. After All.

From the Chicago Chronicle
When Secretary Taft, in answer TO the
question Of an indiscreet interviewer. said
that ne did not expect to be the mex:
President of the Unite States, he did not
of course. mean to be understood as de
cliniRg in advance an honor which had
not yet been rendered him. He merely
wished 10 be taken as deprecating any
premature talk of a possibility which
might never eventuate. The Secretary oil
War is too sensible a man and too good
politician to make claims two years ir
advance Of the event Much water vii
flow under the bridges between this anC
the summer of 1893 and nobody knows il
better than Mr.. Taft
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1906-10-24
How He Felt.

From the NoE York Tribune
George AIDE. automobiling in Indiana
diued at country hotel among roomfu
Of ministers.
Tho ministers. who were holding a con-
yention in the town, were much amused
when Mr. AIDES identity was disclosed tc
them
one OF them said during dinner:
How does a hUmOrist OF your STAMP
feel. sir. in such reverend company as
this?'
Il feel said Mr. AIDE promptly, like
a lion in a den of Daniels"
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1906-10-24
Railroad Accuracy.

From the Rochester Herald
a society which disseminates moral lit
erature, once sent a railway manager a
large number Of free tracts to place in
waiting rooms. One was entitled a Route
10 the New Jerusalem" The letter which
the moral literary society received in
reply declined the tracts we cannot
place the tracts" wrote the manager, las
the y. J. is not on our system"
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1906-10-24

Frnm Ersrbolx

Prom EVERYBODY s.
Two men were sentenced by a sell
appointed court to be hanged for horse
stealing. The place selected for the exc
cution was the middle of a Jrestle bridge
spanning a river. The first moose was in
securely tied and the prisoner dropped
into the river. He swan to shore ana
made good his escape. As they were ad-
justing the rope for the remaining pris-
oner. the latter drawled:
Say pards. make sure Of thet knot
this time, will yer? Cause 1 can't swim.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1906-10-24
A LITTLE NONSENSE.
HE GABBLER.

Money talksi
At the conversation game it never balks
You can hear it at the show,
Not particularly low
At the opera It talks. talks, talks
Money taksi
It's a chinner throughout all our earthly walks.
At a fashionable affair
You can hear million air
It's opinions as Il talks, talks, talks.
Money talks
With a megaphone around the town it stalks.
IL continually Tos0unds.
Overwhelming other sounds,
As increasingly it talks, talks. talks.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1906-10-24
4 condition Of General slovenliness."

Condition of General SlovenIiness."
One of The Herald's esteemed contem-
poraries. the Evening Star. properly re-
buking the careless citizen who throws
bits Of waste paper into the streets.
speaks of the general slovenliness of
the city" The phrase is aptly descrip-
tive, though it is really charitable TO use
so mild a word as 'slovenliness." The
streets are dirty-shamefully dirty. Some
Of them fairly reek with filth.
Once we pointed with pride to our
broad. well-kept thoroughfares. Vow We
do not. They are an everyday subject
of apology. Why this humiliation?
OnciaI explanations are tires0me. En-
tirely too much ink and stationery are
used for that purpose. The city wants
clean streets; weH-Hghted streets; it does
not want apologies and explanations.
Washington should not be merely as
clean and as well lighted as any other
city II should be the cleanest and the
best-lighted city in the whole country
Washington is the Capital of the Nation
The fact that there is d general sloyen-
illness" here, that the streets are un-
kempt and poorly lghted-aH this is an
ugly reflection upon the city. It is a
reflection. too-we regret to say it-upor
our Board Of District Commissioners. For
their sake, as well as the Capitals sake
The Herald sincerely hopes that the alb
surd policy OF assuming that things are
all right when they are ali wrong. sim.
ply because no complaints come in, will be
abandoned. But If that is to be III,
policy the board may expect to hear
from citizens henceforth in vigorous. per
sistent fashion
Clean the streets and keep them clean
Provide a better lighting system.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1906-10-24

The investigating committee gravely in
forms us that the reason the French
submarine Lutin did not come to the top
WAS because il got fun of water and
couldn't All you have to do is 10 lay
low, and the old reliable investigating
committee viii tell you what's what
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1906-10-24
would Like to Hear shaw Again.

From the Hartford Times
Another thing Mr. Shaw might tell Us
about next time he comes here (as We
hope he Wild is why old England with a
tariff for revenue only seems to be
about as prosperous as New England with
a tariff on everything that can be pro-
duced here. We should also Ike 10 hear
him on the subject of the Improvement
of the currency and other live topics
which the business men of the country are
talking about II Is interesting to hear
all about the Democratic party's declaTa-
tiOns in 1872, and good jokes may be made
about a great many things that have hap
pened in our political history, but the
American people are now thinking more
about what is going TO happen next than
about the events of the past
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1906-10-24
Yes, Indeed.

We should make more progress along
the strait and narrow way If we did not
spend so much time watching TO see how
many of our friends are Jogging along the
other course. WILBUR NESBIT.
-E.uIL.L. L0ls !. W D. Ne.hIlL
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1906-10-24
Bryan's RadicaIism Not Approved.

From the Charleston News and Courier
The time is not one demanding resort to
radicalism- The surest way 90 Democratic
success is through the old-fashiOned Dem
Ocratic principles. So far as we have OBJ
served. Col. Bryans government owner
ship views have ELECTED the approval Of
not enc political leader Of national proIni-
nence in either party.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1906-10-24
Endless Exnense.

How about these dukes2" inquired
Mr. Struckile. Are they purity expen-
sive?''
You bet they are answered Mr.. NJ
ritch. who had bought one. And you
want &c remember this. Hiram. The first
cost is the smallest item"
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1906-10-24
4 Menn Tran.

"Ah." said the thin man on the back
platform. how the falling leaves remind
one Of death"
Yes. sighed the fat man. that's true.
We must all die"
Precisely. That being admitted. how
about taking out little life insurance.
Whereupon the fat man disembarked,
swearing volubly
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1906-10-24
4 veritabIe Napoleon.

ne career Of Edward r. Hartman is
In many respects the most remarkable
OF any American in the public eye to-
cay a half dozen years or so ago. Har-
riman was an unknown factor in affairs.
To-day he is the greatest individual force
In the worlds transportation. IN com
parison with Harriman's achievements
Jay Gould shrinks 90 the paltry proper
tons of pygmy-and Gould Tor a quarter
Of a century was the greatest railroad
manipulation on earth When the
erstwhile wizard Of Wall street had
brought the Vanderbilts 10 their knees
Gould was acclaimed the biggest giant
among the captains of industry. But
Gould's reach extended no further than
single lines Of railroad. Harriman's en-
braces vast systems. Goulds activities
were crib5ed. cabbined, and confined TO
the Southwest. with his Missouri Pacific.
Cotton Belts and their feeders as the in
siruments Of his power Harrimau's have
nearly tbe whole continent Tor their
sweep. He is the absolute master OF thr
nearly completed transcontinental sys.
tems-the Union Pacific with its Chicago
Northwestern connection, and the South
ern Pacific with its connections with the
Norgan-Pennsylvani interests. JAY
Gould able son. George J.. now obvious
~ IS about 20 lock horns with Hartman
IN the struggle for the mastery Of the
trJnsccntinentaI field, for be is not only
revltalizing the Wabash and pushing il
rapidly 20 the Atlantic seab0ard, but he
also is extending his Missouri Pacific
FROM TIRE Rocky Mountains where his
father left IL. on toward the Pacific. In
stature Mr.. Hartman is not much larger
than Napoleon. He is careless of dress.
democratic IN manner, Of nervous, high
atruns temperament and meTciless in
combat.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1906-10-24

From the Philadelphia Press.
If turkeys are going to be so scarce and
high that nobody can buy them, It may
be well to call off Thanksgiving. After
election some people won't feel very much
like thanksgiving, anyway.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1906-10-24

From the Providence Journal
Natural conditions and a marvelously
increased demand due 10 recent industrial
development have pushed copper to the
price to which the famous Secretan cor
ner'' managed to lift it. only to go down
in a crash. It is small wonder that the
metal Is finding its place in the jewellers
show cases alongside gold and silver
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1906-10-24
The club woman.

She d0os uut care for Higher Life.
N0r fgr The WAY % End All strife.
She does nos think ~ Civic Pride.
Nor shGuld orr DaughtCrs Ride Astride
She does not think q Greed aud Glass
Nor ri Tay Jpiift aud The Mas
She minds not ANYTHING like that
shes shopping for her winter hat
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1906-10-24
He necInrer Himself.

Michael. here's yer frazzled oats.
Me good woman, I've had nawthin
but frazzled oats fer a month handrun-
min Can't We think OF nawthin but
oats2"
You're a brute.
THAT may be. Bridget but I'm no
haTse-"
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1906-10-24
PEOPLE OF NOTE.
Cant. Frank alcIntrre.

Now that the supervision Of Cuban
matters has been added 70 the duties Of
the Bureau of Insular Affairs. that use
full, but little known adjunct OF the War
Department, viii soon begin 10 attract
public attention, and especially 50 after
Congress has assembled and begun 20
agitate the Cuban question. For several
months the Bureau of Insular Affairs
has been presided over by Capt. Frank
Mcintyre. an Albanian by birth and
I'm infantry officer, who was called 70 the
General STAFF because Of his record Of
efficiency soon after the new Organiza-
ton OF the army was effected Col
Clarence Edwards, who was put at the
head Of the bureau when il was estab-
lished, was compelled 10 lay aside his
duties there last spring and seek treat
ment at the army hospital at Fort Bay
ard, New Mexico. Since then the full
responsibility % the bureau has been
placed upon Capt. Mcintyre, who for two
yeals has been Col Edwards assistant
Capt. Mcintyre is one Of the most dis
tlnguished mathematicians in the army,
and he attained so high a grade in this
important branch of the soldiers educa-
ton while a cadet at the West Point
Military Academy that soon after his
graduation from that Institution he was
detailed there as an assistant instructor
in mathematics He participated in al
the campaigns Of the Spanish war with
his regiment, the Nineteenth Infantry.
and saw hard service for several years
with that organization while the fight
ing vas going on ia the Philippines He
is a student OF affairs modest Of de-
meanor TO the point Of shrinking from
all forms OF notoriety. and enjoys the
confidence Of Secretary Taft in marked
degree. He was called to Cuba by the
/ Secretary soon after that official arrived
at Havana, and studied at close range the
questions Of administration with which
he VIII have TO deal as acting chief Of the
lnsuiar Bureau. Capt. McIntyre's friends
/ predict brilliant career for him, I'm spite
/ OF his apparent indisposition TO push
/ himself forward by those methods which
some army officers employ.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1906-10-24
He Wasn't from Pennsylvania.

From the Pittsburg Dispatch.
The Cuban treasurer has turned over
81. 000000 to Gov MagJon's administra-
ton. Evidently President Palma had no
proper conception Of the furnishings he
could have bought for that sum.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1906-10-24
PERFECTLY Natural.

How often a millionaire's widow mar
ries the physician who attended her hus-
band. Queer. eh?''
Not at all The doc is invariably the
first man on the ground
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1906-10-24
DeCoIIcte.

"see the dress Miss Loeut is wearlng?'
Yes"
II call that a smart gown"
so do I. II it wasn't it might drop of
entirely"
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1906-10-24
TENNYsON REVISED.

On. the grnft's getting bad
People now are astute.
just az present. egad,
There's rift in the loot.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1906-10-24

II is estimated that a conviction Of the
Standard Oil upon every one Of those
Tennessee indictments would carry pos
sible aggregate penalty Of thirty million
dollars. Tennessee is determined 10 show
the Standard oil that she is something
like syndicate size herself
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1906-10-24

Canada is going to revise her tariff by
increasing duties against the United
States. At the same time. Uncle Sam
isn't insisting that Canada be as atten-
tive to duty as that.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1906-10-24

An Indian paper, printed out in Okla
homa says, editorially: "Hinka demo-
cratic party ibulkahat. eyesa hosh. Nan
uIhutuka, mona che. Chukta okla SEES
mih. sikh" Yes. indeed; some one does
seem to have pied the Democratic party
Pretty badly.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1906-10-24

The man who declares he enjoyed his
fall from seven-story window, would
make promising material for football
player.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1906-10-24

Out I'm Oklahoma the school boards are
sternIy suppressing all kissing games, and
vet Oklahoma aspires to be one of Old
Glory's many, many stars
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1906-10-24

The Hartford COuTant thinks New YORK
needs "a great awakening" II New York
can sleep through the present clamoU and
clattcr, the case is hopeless.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1906-10-24

Mr. Roosevelt viii spend three whole
days I'm Panama To Mr.. POultuey Bige-
low this viii appear a useless waste Of
time seeing. when one might be writing.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1906-10-24

A Chicago physician says that our ma
ti0ual disease Is "anti-corporation hys-
terra" Perhaps H. is right but il must
be confessed that the remedy has only
been administered in homeopathic doses.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1906-10-24

A Chicago telephone girl had a big hank
of hair pulled out the other day by an
'irate subscriber Perhaps this will bring
slight feeling Of relief all the way round.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1906-10-24

A camel can carry a heavier load than
any other animal In the world, but NJ.
Hearst ought 70 be able to tell from the
pictures that the Democratic party isn't
a camel
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1906-10-24

Senator Bailey has been Endorsed by the
Golden Intellectual Club out in Texas. A
swell Endorsement, that.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1906-10-24

You are "a pack of contemplate hypo-
critics and a disgrace to Zion," casually
remarked Overseer Voliva TO his congre-
CATION the other day Voliva is suffering
with d slight attack of Dowieitis.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1906-10-24

A New York man has been arrested
for registering fourteen times though
why he was stopped that early in the
game no one seems 20 know.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1906-10-24

Some one has discovered that the Re
publican party stood for government
ownership as far back as 1SSS. Still as
with the free-silver issue, the Republicans
seemed to know when it got too hot %
hold
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1906-10-24

AS for that ghost that climbs water
spouts, it certainly wasn't bred in old
Kentucky.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1906-10-24

Silviera declares that instead of skip
ping with a million dollars. he only took
sixty thousand. The man ought to be
made 20 pay for the extra advertising
be received
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1906-10-24

\ California bachelor has fallen heir 10
an English earldom. but declines to &C
cept it. He will probably change his mind
if he ever gets married.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1906-10-24

Mr.. Rockefeller declines to criticise that
Ohio court that found his company guilty
He proposes to leave that to the higher
courts
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1906-10-24

1t is stated that the New York candi-
dates will rest next sunday. And, inc!-
dentally. give the public a needed rest
also.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1906-10-24

Rafael label, OF Mexico, is accused Of
embezzlcment. Heretofore label has
borne a perfectly ladylilIe name.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1906-10-24

President Palma is said 10 have quit
office practically penuiless. No wonder
the government went to smash with such
a rank amateur at the head Of H.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1906-10-24

The indianapolis Star notes that 4 stuff
ed bird in London is quoted an S2.100.
Those London restaurants are rapidly ac-
curing American ways.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1906-10-24

Mr. Hughes says politics is not a
game. And yet some people make game
of it,
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1906-10-24

A New York man says that Mr. Hearst
is "a comedy in one act" Some people
look upon him as continuous vaudeville.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1906-10-24

Tom Lawson announces that he Is go
ing in for fiction" Evidently he means
more fiction
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1906-10-24

Col Charles A. Jewett. Of New Albany,
Ind. who is at the New Willard. is one OF
the best known men of the H0osier State,
and a lawyer of superior ability. Col
Jewett has not taken much part in poll
tics Of late, but he thinks il pretty Ger
tain that there viii be "a falling Of in
the Republican vote in Indiana. in spite
of the fact that 1t has of late years got
into the column Of reliably Republican
States. He also said that Senator Fair
banks would be loyalty and enthusisstical-
~ supported by his home people for the
Presidential nomination in 1906