davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Minneapolis journal., 1906-06-10
Not a burned Fool.

~ - ~ i
Years ago, when telephones were still
a novelty, a farmer from the outskirts
of Manchester, n. f., came to town one
day and called on a lawyer friend Of
his, whom he supplied with butter, and
who had telephone recently put in his
office. II ss h. Ea 4T'!Is iz,s. n:
9 Need any butter this morningf"
asked the farmer. ~ -. .s. -.
Well, I don't know answered the
lawyer. 'Wait a minute. I'll ask my
wife about it..
After speaking thru the phone he
went on: ~ /s-a
No; my wife says eNo.''
The farmer S face, was a study for a
moment; then he broke out with:
Look a-here, Mr.. Lawyer, may be
rube and have my whiskers full Of
hay and hayseed, but I'm not such a
burned fool as to. believe your wife is in
that box. Mrs. G.. F.
The Minneapolis journal., 1906-06-10

adopting, ado T It is said, i'Ti the de device Of max,
ing him one of the incarnations Of their
own god. \
At Benares one sees idolatry in its
grossest and most repulsive forms, and
it is, therefore, as interesting today to
the student of the world g religions as
to the devoted Hindu who travels hun
dreds of miles over dusty roads to
considers sacred. Benares is built upon
the north bank of the Ganges, and it
is estimated that each year it is visited
by million pilgrims. When more than
800 miles from the city, we saw the
caravan Of one of the maharajahs (ma-
harajah is the title borne by native
princes) on it's way to the river. There
were five elephants, q dozen camels and
twenty or thirty bull carts, besides nu-
merous pack animals and horses. The
trip could not be made in much less
than two months, and all this for the
sake of a bath In the waters of the sa-
cred river! 49,
The. bank of the qanges is lined for
a long distance with bathing CHATS
Gas the steps leading to the river. are
ealled), and at one point there is a
burning CHAT where the bodies Of the
dead are cremated. Cremation is
universal among Lne dlHuuS, SdHudl-
wood being used where the relatives can
afford it. Taking a boat, as is custom
ary, we rowed up and down the river
in the early morning, and such a sight!
Down the steps as far as the eye could
reach came the bathers, men, women
and children, and up the steps went a
constant stream of those who had fin
ished their ablutions. Most Of them
carried upon their heads water pots of
,l,s
of wearing apparel. The bathing is
done leisurely as if according to a rit-
ual, with frequent dippings; water is
poured out to the sun and prayers are
said. The lame, the halt and the
blind are there, some picking their way
with painful STEP. others assisted by
friends; Here, leper sought healing e
emaciated form mixed his medicine
with the holy water. and not far off a
The Minneapolis journal., 1906-06-10
She Wouldn't Let Him.

On entering a farm house one day I
found the housewife making some mince
meat for an old-fashioned mince
pie. She quite willingly washed
her hands and piloted me into
the sitting-room. Her small boy
soon returned from school and came
rushing into. the room, and with that
eagerness with which. small boy un-
bosoms himself after an eventful day,
exclaimed: -.
Mother, want to tell you" "
"Hush right up I am not going to
have word from you while the gentle
man is talking" interrupted the
mother.
"But, mama,' broke in the boy
with whine, "Mama-'
"Now dry right up. Amt allus
told you to Keep still when your elders
were talkinga" the irate mother re-
torted. ri
The boy stood studying the toe of his
shoe for a few moments and then whim-
pered out: '1But, mama, I want to
tell you something
eff you don It keep quiet I II punish
you, - the mother said, angrily::
;. The boy again inspected his toes for a
minute or more and then, taking his life
in his own hands, yelled at the top OF
his voice:
"Mama,' I wanted to tell you that
the dog is sin the kitchen eating your
mincemeat. Hasty exit. Curtain
]: Minneota, MINI. w. E. w.
The Minneapolis journal., 1906-06-10
Very Fashionable.

A rather green-looking country girl
walked into an Evansville dry goods
store the other day and stopped at a
counter. The lady clerk beamed on her,
fixed her hair and asked what shelcould
do for her.
l wanter git me dress, y she said.
All right, miss, what style of goods
would you ikeg '
want some lawn. { Ss Il va 81 s. +
Lawna Are you sure If Is q little
late in the season for lawn. 9
- Well, guess 7 know what 1 want.
i read our country paper and I guess
I know nigh as much about. fashions as
You city gals. .
All right, miss, if you want lawn
you can have it; now what kind do yol.
want?''
ct want want-let's $ see, what is
it they call that stuff. It's the most
fashionable stuff that YOU GOT. 'Trot it
out now. | want er-1 don't know
which is the most fashionable
We have plain lawn, dotted lawn,
Pacific lawn
- Oh, it amt any of them, IS very
fashionable because I sawtsit in our
country paper. -
Well. now. If you Just had the pa
The Minneapolis journal., 1906-06-10
At BENARES INDIA, WILLIAM j. BRYAN SEES IDOLATRY
IN IT'S GROSSEST FORM: WEIRD RITES AT THE GANGE
"a
dhe Ar adaB mkadB M hesuam sAr rReaed

RY WILLIAM JENNINGS BRYAN.
fcopyright, 1906, by Joseph B. Bowles-Copy-
right in Great Britain-An Rights a4
Reserved.(
" EFORE beginning the trip thru
"a the interior, paragraph must
-AA~ be given to Indian travel. There,
are no Pullman sleepers in this country,
and the tourist must carry his bedding
with him. Night trains have COM
partments containing broad seats, which
can be used as couches and hanging
shelves upon which one may lie. The
traveller carries his own blanket, pill
low, sheet, towels, soap, ETC., and occa-
sionally has to rely on these at hotels
as well as on the trains. The cars
are. entered from the side, and one must
take his chance of awaking at the right
him warning. 80
In India it is customary for foreign
ers to take an Indian servant with
them who acts as interpreter and looks
after the baggage-and looking after
baggage is no easy task in this part
of the British empire. After we had
made one short trip without assistance,
and Goolab, a Calcutta Mussulman,
proved himself an invaluable aid in
dealing with the baggage coolies whose
language we could not understand and
whose charges varied from the legal
rate as the minimum to three or four
times that if the tourist shows himself
novice at the business.
i + +
The hotels Of India are declared by
the guideboQks to be bad, and one
does rot feel like disputing these an;
do not mean to say that there is no diff
ference between them, for in several
places we found comfortable rooms and
In some places palatable food. Every
where we were 80 interested in what
we saw that we could endure almost
any kind Of accommodations, but at one
that we were reduced to eggs and toast.
GoolRb, overhearing some mutterings Of
discomfort, took it upon himself to re-
port in the hope Of securing some i'm
Improvement, and the clerk asked me
for PARTICULARS. told him that I had
not intended to make any complaint,
but that as he was good enough to in
quirs, I would say that we did not like
the cooking, that the crackers were
sometimes mouse eaten and that we
found worm in the ca abbage. He
thought that the mice were inexcusable,
but, as if the question disposed of the
matte assked The eoa19aS wosm YES as 9 dSaa
Leaving Calcutta, we sought the an
eient city of Benares, which bears the
distinction Of being the center of Hin
dooism. In fact, 1t has been the re-
ligious capital of India for 1900 years
or more. -
r." + i. !. =
At Sarnath, just outside of Benares,
stands the first Buddhist pagoda, said
to have been erected nearly 500 years
before the beginning Of the Christian
era, to commemorate a spot in the deer
park where Buddha taught his disci-
Piles. Recent excavations near there
have brought to light one Of the Asoka
pillars which, tho unfortunately broken,
still bears testimony to the skill of the
sculptor as well as to the zeal of the
great Buddhist king. But these ruins
are all tina there is left of Buddhism
In this vicinity: where RnddhaL lived
and taught and where his doctrines
were once triumphant, for Hinduism
The Minneapolis journal., 1906-06-10

per here, perhaps could find the style
you want
~"1 got the paper-but-but,'' and
she hesitated. -
/ ! "'Well,' said the saleslady in an icy
voice, "but what9'' .s:.,>:f.
"sWell, seeing as you re a lady, I'll
tell ye: [ made a hustle out of the
paper. but if [ could Just take slip
back in the store. and take it off and
tear the piece out, I can put the hustle
on again and then bring you the piece"
=, . . All right; just step back. =
She was gone only few moments,
and then came back holding a piece of
soiled paper triumphantly in. her hand.
She handed it to the clerk, saying:
HThar, just read that; that's Just what
want. I don t buy no common truck !;
I want the best.
The lady clerk read: :
Lawn tennis is very fashionable. -
August Gathmann, Jr.
Hooper, Neb. 4
The Minneapolis journal., 1906-06-10
StonewaIl Jackson,s Beer.

In. Northeast Minneapolis there is
school which is situated between two
breWeries. The fathers of f#many of the
children work in these estab blishments.
Naturally the subject of beer is fa-
niliar one at home.
+. Last week teacher in the school
was teaching some little girls to re-
cite Barbara Frietchie'' in concert
for the Memorial Day exercises. All
went well, the girls showing great in
terest, until the instructor said:
Honor to her and let a. tear
Fail for her sake on StonewalIs BIER
There was silence. The girls cast
queer glances at each other, and then
all began to giggle.
The teacher was surprised and an
snoYed t1Say it, children, = she said
s. There is nothing funny about that. ~
The ,giggles became more pronounced
and the teacher said: Don't be silly,
The Minneapolis journal., 1906-06-10

fakir with matted hair prayed beneath
his big umbrella. On one Of the piers a
young man was cultivating psychic
power. by standing on one leg while he
told his beads with his face toward the
sun. ~ ,T ~ - ...- ,-..
matter with the mass Of the people.
Men and women emerging from the
water throw clean ro be around them
selves and then unloosing the wet gar
ment wiring it out and are ready to re-
turn. Those who bring waterpots fill
them from the stream out of which they
have so recently come. and carry them
Mg af rdn If go9n d0nty St rt the
contains countless dead and receives the
flowers cast into it by worshipers, it
requires strong faith to believe it free
from lurking disease and seeds Of
pestilence. -
When we reached the burning CHAT,
we found one body on the funeral pyre
and another soaking in the water as a
preparation for burning. So highly
| is the Ganges revered that aged people
are brought there that they may die, If
possible, in the water. WhileSwesWere
watching third body was prepared fo1
| Lne Durn1ng, anu II was SO fliHaPEsBHdt
death could not have occurred long be-
fore. While the flames were consum.
ing those three corpses, we saw coming 2
down, the steps man carrying the
body of a. child, apparently about
years old; wrapped in a piece Of thin
cotton cloth. (The children Of the
1 poor are buried in the stream because
Of the cost of woody. The man bore
his Hfeless burden to a little barge and
ms do the cornso. ast to 2 heavy stone
slab. ,> The boatman then pushed out
from the shore and when the middle Of
the stream was reached the man il
T charge of the body dropped it over
4 board, and the burial was over.
No one has seen India until he has
seen the Ganges; no one has seen tht
Ganges until he has seen it at Benares
Benares will ever forget it. - 50 -
[ .. In the suhllrha of the city stands th!
The Minneapolis journal., 1906-06-10

Durga temple, better known as the
Monkey temple because it is the home 4
Of a large family Of monkeys which are
regarded as sacred. Photographs of
the temple present rather an attractive
appearance, but the original is anything
general filth Of the place deprive it of
all appearance of place Of worship.
The Golden temple, however, is the
one most visited by tourists, and it
would be difficult to picture less in
viting place. The buildings are old
and greasy, and the narrow streets are
filled with images and, thronged with
beggars. One finds his interest in
missionary work quickened if he wan
ders thru these streets and sees the offer
ing Of incense to the elephant god and
able. The air is heavy with perfume
and the odor of decaying flowers, and
one iostles against the. sacred bulls as
he threads his way thru the crowd.
such evidences Of superstition, such
conciliate idols. The educated Hindus,
and there are many learned men among
the Hindus, regard these idols as only
visible representations of an invisible
God, but the masses seem to look no
farther than the ugly images before
WHICH Cneyc DOW. %zs
It was a relief to find near this dark
pool Of idolatry an institution of learn
ing, recently founded, which. promises
to be q purifying spring. I refer to
the Central Hindu college Of which Mrs.
Annie Besant, the well known theoso-
phist, is the head. Altho the school is
but seven years old, it already includes
a valuable group of buildings and has
some 500 students. Among the pro-
O.. n rcIv hn
serve without compensation, finding
sufficient reward, in the consciousness Of
service. ~ y"
Next to Benares, Allahabad is the
most important Hindu center. The city
is on the Ganges, at it's junction with
the Jumna, one of its longest branches.
There is an old tradition that another
river. flowing underground. empties
into the Ganges at this point, and the
place is referred to as the junction. OF
bar t built a splendid Fort where the
Ganges and the Jumna meet, and prob
ably on this account Allahabad is the
capital Of the united provinces of Agra
and Oudh. Within the walls Of the
fort there is another Of the Asoka pill
lars, very well preserved one, forty
nine feet high and bearing numerous
inscriptions, among which, are the + fam 2
Gus ediots Of Asoka issued in 240 B. G.
against the taking of life. Within the
! fort in s,lbterranean room issanother
object Of interest, the Akhshai Bar OF
undecaying banyan tree. AS this tree
is described by Chinese pilgrim Of the
seventh century, it ,isaeither Of remark
able antiquity or has been renewed
from time to time. u Ga
+ + f. :.
The religious Importance of Allaha
! bad is largely due to a fair which is
i held there every year and which or
every twelfth year becomes a nationa
event. It is called the Mela and last
January brought to the city a crows
estimated at from one and half t
4 three millions. This. every-twelfth
year fair brings together not only tn
devout Hindus, whoL Lscome as a. lmattel
i ers who at such times fnd market 70,
their wares, ,Gbut it draws large number
The Minneapolis journal., 1906-06-10
Told by Their Buttons.

. The minister's wife was tbusily en-
gagged one afternoon mending the fam
lily clothes when aapeighbor called for a
friendly chat. After few moments Of
news and gossip the caller remarked,
as she began to oiinspect a basket of mis-
cellaneous buttons:
80 - You seem to be unusually well sup
piled with buttons Of all kinds. Why,
there; is one like my husband had on his
last winters sui" /"
Indeed, said the minister's wife,
with a slight smile. :" All these buttons
were found in the contribution box, and
/ Isthought. / might as well have some
use out of them. Well, must you go9
Well, goodbye. Come again soon. y
Litch6eld, MINI. IF. N.
The Minneapolis journal., 1906-06-10
THIRD PRIZE.
This Story Gets 50.
Woman's Importunity.

s.. , / 81 %. ~
: Meeting a. colored man, certain
southern gentleman asked him how he
was getting on. .:es- III
The ,darky assumed a troubled look
and replied: ~ ~ -. ...s. ss
Oh, so far s physicality goes, I m
all right; but | sure do have ma trou-
bles wifi ma wife. - ., T. q
"Well, Sam, IN sorry to hear that,
What seems to be the matter9''
'She s th1nks money grows on trees
in me foh pinch o. change. If it
ain It a dollah it 8 half or a quarter
she wants. - ~ Sss =
"What on earth does she do with
the moneyq' :.
Il dunno. Amt nevah give her
none yet" R. R. H. &
The Minneapolis journal., 1906-06-10

the masses bow down Ito stocks and
stones. ,ett
The most pernicious product of the
Hindu religion lis the caste system.
Infant marriage is terrible, but that
will succumb to education; the seelusion
give way before the spread of European
and American influence, and with it
will go the practical servitude Of
widows, as the practice of suttee (the
burning of widows) has practically
gone. But the caste system, resting
more difficult to eradicate Nowhere
In the world is caste so inexorable in
its demands or so degrading in its in
fuence. The line between the human
being and the beast of the field is
scarcely more distinctly drawn than the
line between the various castes. Brah-
minis belong to the priestly class and
mouth Of Brahm, the great creator; the
Kshatrias, or warrior class, are sup
posed to have sprung from the shoulders
Of Brahm; the Vaisyas, or merchant
class, are supposed to have sprung from
the thighs of Brahm; while the Sudras,
or laborers, are supposed to have sprung
from the feet of Brahm. There are
and besides these there are outcasts,
altho there does not seem to be any
room below the Sudrasl for any other
class. The caste system not only af,
fects social intercourse an nolltIcal
progress, but it complicates living. A
high-caste Hindu cannot accept food or
drink from low caste and must purify
his water bottle if low caste
/ touches it.
About seventy years ago reform in
Hinduism was begun under the name OF
! Brahmo Somai. 1t was built nDon n
notheism, or the worship of one god.
for which it claimed to find authority
!! in the Hindu sacred books. 1t drew
to itself a number of strong mel,
among them Mr. Tagore and Mr.. SeE,
the latter making trip to England to
before prominent religious bodies there.
The Arya Somaj another reform
sect, sprung up later Both of. these
have exerted considerable influence
upon the thought of India, far beyond
their commercial strength. So far. now
ever, Christianity has made greater in
roads upon Hinduism than anv of the
reformations that have been attempted
from within. y
At Allahabad we found two Chris
tian colleges, the Allahabad Christian
college for men and the Wapanakrr
school for girls; :, DIR; A. b. Ewing is
at the head Of the former andzsMiss
VI oil Coi4N
sionary, at the head Of the latter.
Both Of these schools have been built
with American money, Mr.. Wanamaker
having been the most liberal patron.
They are excellently located. are doing
q splendid work and are affiliated with
the Presbyterian church. Fifty dollars
will pay for the food, room, clothes and
tuition of one boy. while $50 win pro-
vide for one girl, and interested Amer:
, leans have already established several
J scholarships, but money is badly needed
to enlarge the facilities of both these
schools.
We spent the Sabbath at Allahabad
and visited both of these schools, and
our appreciation Of the work was en-
HANGED by our observations at Benares.
It seemed like an oasis in the desert.
Surely those who have helped to Greats
, this green spot-may it ever widen
will find intense satisfaction in the good
that these schools are doing and will do.
The Minneapolis journal., 1906-06-10

of fakirs pronounced fahkeers, with
the, accent upon the last syllable( or
holy men. They wear boards and long
hair and no clothing except a breech-
clout. They put ashes and even ma
nure upon their heads and their hair and
whiskers are matted and discolored:
These men are supposed to have raised
themselves to high spiritual state by
asceticism and self-punishment. They
undergo all sorts of hardships, such as
hanging over fire, holding up the arm
until it withers and sitting upon bed
of spikes. We saw many fakirs at
Benares and Allahabad and some else
where (for they are scattered over the
whole country, and at the latter place
one accommodated us by taking his
seat upon the spikes.
j. + !. -
=, AT the recent Mela 500 Of these IA
kris marched in: procession naked,
even the breechclout having been aban-
doned, for the occasion, and so great
was the reverence for them that their
followers struggled to obtain the sand
made sacred by their tread, number of
people meeting their death in the
crowd. These fakirs are supposed to
have reached a state of sinlessness, but
one Of them seized child along the
line of march and dashed out its brains
in the presence of it's mother, claiming
to be advised that the gods desired a
human sacrifice He was arrested by
the British officials and is now await
ing trial on the charge of murder.
The papers recently reported another
instance in which a fakir was the cause
of a murder. He was consulted by a
woman who had lost several children
and was anxious to protect her pros
pective child from like fate, The
fakir told her that she could insure her
child's life if she would herself battle
| in human blood, and she and her hus-
The Minneapolis journal., 1906-06-10
An Unuttered Thought.

Two Irishmen serving in an English
regiment were good chums until Room
'ey was raised to the rank Of sergeant.
Forthwith his chest expanded, and
from that time on he looked down on
McGrane .~
One day McGrane approached Room
ey and said, "Mike--1 mean sergeant
- pose a private stepped up to SER
geant and called him conceited mon
key, phwat wud happen9''v ..
: He'd be put in the gyardhouse.''
He wud7O
E,fHe wud.''
Well, now,, pose the private on "
thought the sergeant was conceited
monkey, and didn't say a wurd about
it. Wud he be put in the gyardhouse9'
"Av coorse not
uWell, thin, we II lave it 90 at
that II. "A. P.
The Minneapolis journal., 1906-06-10
It Was All Over.

: 9 No more will I hear his footsteps on
yonder walk just as the clock strikes
the hour Of 81 GsGg -.
'EGracious, j Jeannette!'' - -.
s /" And the old parlor. light will ney7
er burn low for him again. afs2sE .@<
70 You don t mean it9A 81 =
8 I do, and, furthermore, :she will new
er sit on this sofa three nights a week
and call me pet names, as he has been
doing for two years. ~ -
- / am astonished. ''f.'a
5.It' And tonight | am going to burn al
the old love letters in my trunk. - ..=
81. tB----but why are you going to dis
card him?,'
Discard hima Why you goose, I m
going to marry him. ~ -. IN. v. F.
Austin, MINI. -
The Minneapolis journal., 1906-06-10

Prizes for stories printed on this
page are awarded as indicated.
For the coming week T h our
ma again offers SIS. first prize; So
second prize. and So, third prize, for
"the best story you ever heard"
1t Is not required that stories be
original, but new and good stories,
retoId In the writer's own words,
Will be oonsldered In the competitions.
Write only on one side Of the paper,
giving name and address with each
story. Specify II you want your
Initials used as signature. Do not
send clippings or enclose stamps, as
manuscripts will not be returnedi
Stories should not exceed 800 words,
and should be Of humorous nature.
Omit 'introductlons, and be brief.
Checks Will be sent prize winners.
Address, Best Story Editor. Jour-
nal, Minneapolis, MINI.
The Minneapolis journal., 1906-06-10

on the other side, Hthat you drive the
horses attached theretpf' .-.....s..s
- Yes, if you would rather have it
that. way replied the defendant.
Soon afterward. the solicitor asked
the defendant:
I3"Did you or did you not strike the
prosecutor in the facean =.
The defendant, after thinking a
while, convulsed the court with the fol-
lowing: j.. =
fat'Well. now, 7 come to think, there 8
adoubt about it. was under the i'm
preston that / did strike the prosecutor
in the face; but perhaps II would be as
well to say that I struck him on the
nasal organ attached thereto"
The Minneapolis journal., 1906-06-10
FIRST PRIZE.
This Story Gets SIS.
Hoboken Not So Much.

A supplemented ingenious young
German by name Louis Schultz, living
in Hoboken, became engaged after
brief acquaintance to a young maiden
whose reputation as coqnette was we'll
known. One of Louis friends on meet
ing him one day said: :tFYou don It
mean to tell me that you are going to
marry Minnie Blancke?o
ISure,' replied Louis, for w not9'
Why, she's been engaged to every
young man in Hoboken.'
Veil. y slowly answered Louis,
HHoboken ain It such a big place.
r*-....- -. Mrs. A u. Y