Heppner gazette. [volume] (Heppner, Morrow County, Or.) 1892-1912, 1906-06-21

AulCher~C cW BIrIS Keep up SucAE
music after they are married Booker
And yet some persons say that mar
riage Is a failure.-New York Sun.
His Wife-Have you had a bad day.
dear? The F1nancier-Yes, lost over
$250,0OO. And the worst of 1t Is that
nearly 500 Of that was my own mon-
ey Life.
Uncle-How do you like your employ
err Tommy think he's bigoted. Un-
cle-In what way2 Tommy-Well, he
thinks dat words oughter be spelt his
way all de time.
Molly-He is a student at one Of
the big colleges. Polly-Nonsense! He
talked with US for an hour when he
was here yesterday and never used 4
bit Of slang.-Somerville Journal.
This flower Is strictly up-to-date," :"
said the florist. What do you mean
by that?" asked the prospective Gus
toner. Why" he explained, 1T was
obtained by grafting."-Detroit Free
Press.
"Is she pretty" they asked of tho
young man who was speaking Of his
lancee. "Well, don't want to boast"
he replied, "but she always gets a seat
in crowded street car."-Stray
Stories.
II the sweet girl graduate Of last
June hasn't got school or an engage
ment ring yet, it is high time for her
to study shorthand and hustle around
to get Job at typewriting.-Somer-
Vile Journal.
Ferdy-Really, Patrick, I'd rather
ride Staggers than take spin In the
touring car. The Groom-Sure, 'tis
strange ye fale that way, sor. consider
in that Staggers Is ownly wan-hoss-
power hoss.-Puck.
"He claims that he built the first
passenger elevators used In this coun-
try" Nonsense! The Mississippi
steamboats, were running and blowing
up regularly long before he was born"
philadelphia Press.
mo, my little girl. I can't lend your
mother any -four or oil or butter or
fatirons or lamps or potatoes or any
thing else that she sent you over for.
but 60 back and tell her l have lot
of trouble she can borrow."-Baltimore
American.
Mother-Come now, VIII, II you'll
only be good I'll give you penny.
Willie-No'm; l won't be good for
less'n I'VE cents. Mother-Why, you
were good yesterday for a penny. VIII
lie-I know, but yesterday was bargain
Press.
First Girl-What are you waiting
for? why don't you finish your letter
to Ella3 Second Girl don't know
whether to say Ever yours, with truest
love-" or simply "Yours affectionately."
You see, can't endure Ella-I think
she's detestable !-Tit-Bi
"See here" snapped the landlord.
who had responded to the tenants hur-
y call for a plumber. II thought you
raid the water in your cellar was two
'eet deep. "It's only few inches"
Well, that's as deep as my two feet"
.etorted the tenant, "and that's too
much"
Clara-Did the papers notice your
ather at the great banquet? johnny
Yes Clara-Well, mamma said she
.ould not see his name on the list.
but the list ends up with
and Others" That means papa. They
rated Bits.
Magistrate and NJ. P.-After mature
nd careful consideration of your case,
have come to the conclusion that you
re lazy, good-for- nothing rogue. May
ask II you ever earned a shilling In
our life? Prisoner-Oh, yes. l have,
er 'onor. / voted fer yer 'onor once
The Sketch.
Tom-Look at that crowd Of women
rying to get In that department store.
)ick-Yes, it's a regular crush. Tom
But It's 30 early. Why, the doors
rent open yet. Dick-Yes, they're the
yomen who followed the line Of advice
1 the advertisement "Come early and
void the rush."-Catholic Standard
nd Times.
The desperate man, weary of life,
pened an upper window In the sky
craper and threw himself out He
,nded on top of load Of mattresses
18th which a teamster happened to be
riving along at the moment. "Hang
10 luck !" he exclaimed, as he rose to
Inn feet, shook himself. and found that
Q was practically uninjured 81 might
ave known this would be the result
jumping from the thirteenth floor!"
Mrs. Jenner Lee Ondego had just re-
lrned from her summer vacation.
Ny goodness she exclaimed, as she
spected the alterations that had been
ade In the house during her absence.
This isn't the kind of wall paper
anted. 1t won't harmonic with my
,mplexlon at ALI" "Well," irritably
,swered her husband, you can change
,ur complexion a good deal easier
IAN we can repaper the whole house"
Chicago Tribune.
A clergyman who had accepted an in
tation to officiate at Sunday services
a neighboring town entrusted his
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