davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Grit-advocate., 1906-06-15
ENGLISH WOMAN'S JOKE
Package She Called Valuable Sa--
prised Lawyers and Bankers
When Opened.

There is such thing as carrying G.
joke too far Six years ago an Eng
lish woman who was travelling in
Toronto trust company q parcel care
fully bound and secured with a num-
ber of imposing seals. 1t was under
stood that the parcel contained jewels
of great value, and therefore it was
guarded with Jealous care, says the
Rochester Post Express.
A few weeks ago the English wo-
made mention of the deposit in trust
in Toronto. After due process of law
it was ordered that the seals tie
broken in the Canadian city. Heirs
in the old land and one in far dis
tant point in Canada sent their re-
spective lawyers to be present at the
opening of the valuable package. On
the day appointed the lawyers assem-
blGd in a private office of the trust
company. Here is correspondents
description Of the scene that fol-
lowed:
Red seals on the outside of the
bundle were first broken, then an ar
ray of green colored seals were en-
countered. After this wrapping came
fold after fold of paper. Then the
lawyers saw an oblong pasteboard
box, also carefully sealed The ex-
element was almost intense. Beads
of perspiration stood out on the
learned brows of the privileged few
present. With the unfolding of each
successive wrapping around the box
they expected tQ see the glitter of
gold and the luster of diamonds. At
last. with nervous fingers, IT was
opened; the treasure seemed near at
hand. Two more folds of paper were
undone, and several pairs of regal
eyes saw an innocent and faded pair
of corsets."
Nothing is known of the motive for
leaving the faded pair of corsets in a
trust deposit vault. We may assume
that the English woman was ecentric
and wished to play prank on her rel
atives. If so the joke was a success
although she may not be able to ap.
preciate it. There is material for
novel in this incident. Wilkie Collins
or Charles Reade would have based
an exciting three decker" on it, and
had Conan Doyle foolishly decided not
to write mere Sherlock Holmes stories
he could expand the episode into a
most battling detective problem.
The Grit-advocate., 1906-06-15
GOLF YARN BY LCNCWORTH
And Kansas Story in Return by an
Enthusiast at the
Game,

Nicholas LongwUrth, of Ohio, is a
golf enthusiast who plays good game,
and Victor Murdock, of Kansas, a golf
enthusiast who plays a very indif1er-
ent game, when swapping stories in
the house clCaEroOm the other day,
says the Washington correspondent of
the Kansas City Times.
The most remarkable golfer | ever
knew" said Representative Longworth.
wa, man out in Cincinnati VINO had
passion for the game, but who COM
rlicated that fervor with an appetite
for Scotch highballs that was the Won
der of Ohio.
His theory was that there should
he drink server on every tee, and
he worked 1t by means Of an army Of
caddies. One afternoon he came in
and announced that he had renounced
the game.
What's the matter, Jiln?' said a
friend.
Oh he said, wearily, i.'s no use
] give it up. Whenever | can see the
Lall l cat hit it; and whenever /
can hit it l can't see it,"
Mr.. Murdoch told this one:
out in my town Judge Dale, Of the
district bench, is about the best golfer
In our club. One day he had a case
on trial in which several small boys
had been subpoenaed as witnesses. Ad-
dressing bright youth of about 12
summers, Judge Dale so,emnly in
qIired: My boy, 90 you understand
the nature of an oath?'
oh. yes, sir quickly replied the
youth. I often caddicd for YOU, SIR"
The Grit-advocate., 1906-06-15
THE cADDY's COMMENT.
One That Was Not Very Complimcn.
tary to Professional
Player.

Walter J. Travis, the golfer, set up
his ball, and then made half dozer
swishes at the short grass with the
driver, relates the New York Tribune
Il am not in good FORM" he said, Il
a n playing like broker We had here
last week.
This broker played once around,
making dreadful exhibition of him
B self. OF this. though, he was not
aware. He was doing pretty well for
him.
The mans caddy was an unusually
quiet, stoid lad, Toy with a freckled
face quite devoid OF expression.
And since the caddy never once
laughed or sneered at his bad play,
the broker took fancy to him. And
ne said at the end of the round, in
the hope of getting compliment:
I have been travelling tor the last
six months. l am quite out of prac-
tice. That is why | am in such bad
fern to-day
The caddy replied, calmly:
Then ye've p.ayed before, have
ye. sir?'"
The Grit-advocate., 1906-06-15
BUILDING FOOD
70 Bring the Babies Around.

When little human machine Cor a
important as the selection of food to
bring it around again.
MY little baby boy fifteen months
old had pneumonia, then came brain
fever and no sooner had he got over
these than he began to cut teeth and,
being so weak, he was frequently
thrown into commissions" says Col
orado mother.
II decided a change might help, SO
took him to Kansas City for visit.
When we got there he was so very
weak when he would cry he would
sink away and seemed like he would
die.
when l reached my sisters home
she said Immediately that we must
feed him Grape-Nuts and, although l
had never used the food, we got some
and for few days gave him just the
juice of Grape-Nuts and milk. He
got stronger so quickly we were soon
feeding him the Grape Nuts itself and
in a wonderfully short time he fat
tened right up and became strong and
we'll
THAT showed me something worth
knowing and, when later on my girl
came, | raised her on Grape Nuts and
she is strong healthy baby and has
BEEN You will see from the little
photograph send you what a strong,
chubby youngster the boy is now, but
/ he didn't look anything like that be-
fore we found this nourishing food
Grape-Nuts nourished him back to
strength when he was so weak he
couldn't keep any other food on his
stomach" Name given by Postum
Co., Battle Creek, Mich.
All children can be built to a more
sturdy and healthy condition upon
Grape-Nuts and cream. The food con.
tains the elements nature demands,
from which to make the soft gray
filling in the nerve centers and brain.
A well-fed brain and strong, sturdy
nerves absolutely insure a healthy
body.
Look in pkss for the famous little
book. "The Road to Wellyille."
The Grit-advocate., 1906-06-15
1T HAPPENED IN JERSEY
There Was One Man Who Didn't Know
About the San Francisco
Earthquake.

Not all the world knew of the San
Francisco earthquake. Within the
range of vision one has from the top
of the Fiatiron building there was dis
covered the other day complete igno-
rance of the calamity, says the New
| York Sun
The discovery came as a joke to
some literary folk who live the SIM
pie but busy life in a cottage among
the New Jersey hills an hours ride
from New York With the rural free
delivery bringing the city paper on the
day of issue they keep in touch with
the outer world, and it was only the
morning after it occurred that they
learned Of the earthquake and fire.
The nearest habitation to the cot
tage is a farmhouse whence daily Wis
its are made for the purchase of milk.
During the visit of Wednesday, the
day of the earthquake, none of the
farmers family, all gossips of the
usual bucolic type, mentioned San
Francisco at ALL On Thursday night,
the visitor, while waiting for the milk
pail to 'be hlled. remarked, apropos of
| a threatening sky, that she hoped
II ere might be rain in San Francisco,
| too.
Why" asked the farmer, don't
tl-ey have rain out there!''
Amazed that anyone should not
know about it, the visitor told in a
rush of excited words of the blow that
had fallen on the Pacific coast city.
The farmer stopped milking to listen
open mouthed.
| burned if heerd a word about it,
he drawled, when the visitor conclud-
ed. you see, | hain't been daown to
the village sense Monday. an don't do
n uch readin' here. The Boonville pa
per comes every week, but Samanthv's
eyes hez been so bad lately guess she
hadn't read the last copy"
The next evening the visitor BROUGHT,
besides the milk pail, bundle of New
York papers.
Now" she said to the farmers wife,
"you can read all about. the earth
quake in San Francisco"
Lands salle!" cried Sam'ntha.
"was it San Francisco? Silas said it
| WAS Cincinnati"
The Grit-advocate., 1906-06-15
NO TWO HATS EVER ALIKE
Made by Machinery or by Hand
There Is Sure to Be
Difference.

There are no two things alike in
this world-no two atoms alike, no
two blades Of grass allie, no two
peas alike, no two faces alike, won
derful-most 'IOnderful Of a.i-nC two
ladies hats alike. Has this thought
ever been impressed upon you while
sitting in an assemblage of women
Oh, the wisdom and forethought of
nature, for were each woman to have
hat similar to her neighbor's what
an infinite variety Of additional woes
and heartaches and tears the human
race would have had to bear!
And. yet, Mathew Softleigh, born
and bred in New York. says the Sun
knew naught of this. His tender brain
could not conceive the fact that every
thing in this world is infinite in its
revolutions and qualifications. partic.
ularly ladies hats, so Matthew backed
his poor judgment with real money
and made a wager with his friend
Silas Cute, that he would soon find
him two hats that were alike.
Matthew and Silas selected q warm
spring day and they walked up and
down the great White Way, they
promenaded Fifth avenue, they visit
ed the parks, they strol!ed to the east
side, the west side and every other
side, they visited the theaters, the
concert halls, the churches; from day
to day the quest continued until both
were weary and footsore. They saw
GainsbOroughs, picture hats, sailors,
hats of straw, hats OF felt, hats with
ribbons, hats with feathers, hats with
aigrettes, but no two hats alike. They
saw dreams of red and blue and green.
as well as nightmares and incubi of
Arabian Nights phantasy. There was
poetry and prose, music and flowers
typified in every one, but no two
alike! What ingenuity they repre-
sented, what ceaseless brain activity,
what thought, what feeling. what deli
cacy in some, which If put into
poem or a symphony would earn him
or her place in the Hall of Fame!
Matthew lost his bet, and it is well
that he did. There should be no two
hats alike, there are no two hats
alike and there never will be two
hats alike. Nature, like woman, is
feminine: she has variety of moods.
of expression, of beauty, Of color, Of
form and figure. and woman's hat is
the embodiment, the epitome OF her
every thought, her every wish, her
every desire Not one woman is like
another; neither can her hat be. And
when the time comes that two hats
are found alike then will genius have
reached its limit and the world will
have lost all its beauty and all that
makes life worth living.
The Grit-advocate., 1906-06-15
|HA|LSTORM HAVOC
GREAT DAMAGE DONE TO
WHEAT CROPS OF KANSAS.
Insurance Against Loss from Storm.
cf This Kind Is Now Taken
Out by Many of the
Farmers

'Hailstorms have destroyed more
wheat in Kansas in the last ten years
than all the grasshoppers and ch nch-
bugs since the state was organized
said farmer from southern Kansas
whose crop was destroyed by a recent
storm in that section.
Last year one hailstorm in the
northern part of Sumner county and
the southern part of Sedgwick swept
an area 80 miles long by Two miles
wice. About $4,000 acres. most of it in
growing wheat that promised to yield
25 bushels to the acre, were destroyed
A half million dollars worth of wheat
was ruined in that one storm"
The hailstorm was never feared by
the Kansas farmer until wheat be-
came staple crop. Corn will recover
from hailstorm and make an average
crop, but light fall of ice at certain
tine will ruin crop of wheat. May
and June are the months of hailstorms
in Kansas
In France and Spain where the hail
storms destroy the grape crop large
oanncn have been placed on the hills
above the vineyards. AT the approach h
of hailstorm explosives are shot into
the cloud, and it's a belief among
farmers-laughed at by scientific men
that the storm is sometimes dissi-
pated. The Kansas farmer doesn't
lombard the clouds. He has found
that it pays better to insure his crops
Hail insurance companies have been
organized. The farmer insures his
wheat crop against hail just as the
man in the city insures his house
against fire. He places whatever value
on his crop he can afford to pay the
premium on. Some farmers OCCASIONAL
ly insure so heavily that they would
not object to hailstorm to save the
expense of harvesting the crop.
The first hail insurance companies
were mutual companies, organized
among the farmers of county or a
district. 1t was soon found that those
companies were not safe because a
hailstorm usually cleared a whole dis
trict. Then each farmer was com
PEELED to bear his own loss for the
mutual company could not pay. East
ern capitalists have formed a number
of hail insurance companies in the III st
five years.
Farmers have belief that hail Will
follow the same path for three con-
secutive years. So if a hailstorm de-
stroys crop they insure heavily for
the next two years.
The Grit-advocate., 1906-06-15
ODD EATING CUSToMa.

Trazilians never eat when they
drink, nor drink when they eat; an |
the Tartars continually persist in pull
Ing guest by the ear until he d. NIX 5.
Maldive islanders retire to the dark
est part of the houses and hang cur
tains about them, so that none Ct
their fellowmen may see them at their
meal.
When they desire to show a mark
drink from the same cup at the same
time, and the King of Loango used
to eat and drink in two sepa, eta
houses.
The Philippine islander will not cot
meal alone. Whenever Filipnil
finds himself without companion
with whom to share his meal, he vii
abstain from eating until he has
found one.
A strange custom prevails in KAN
| chtaka, where a man who wi-h1s to
entertain a guest invites him into n
cabin, which is heated to an excessive
temperature, and then presses him
with food until he is lii a state Of tor
por. Instances Of men dying at these
orgies have been known
The Tahitians. though a naturally
sociable race, dine separately. Even
the man and his wife do not eat to-
gehter. Each member of the fam "
has his own food-basket. They take
| their places about five yards apart.
and then turning their hacks tn earn
other, dine amid y -rofo-nd silence.
The Grit-advocate., 1906-06-15
DIETARY DICTA.

Dinner should be of a lighter nature
in summer than in winter
A quart Of wheat contains more nu-
triment than a bushel of cucumbers.
There is a happy mean between eat
ing everything and being squeamish.
Two pounds of potatoes contain as
much nutriment as 13 pounds of
turnips.
Light soups, light desserts and light
meals should have the preference in
warm weather.
Vegetables and fruits are to be used
most generously at that season of the
year In which they naturally mature.
Beginning the dinner with soup is
the very best way to get the whole
system in condition for assimilatin4
q hearty meal.
The Grit-advocate., 1906-06-15

To the housewife who has not yet
become acquainted with the new things
of everyday use in the market and
who is reasonably satisfied with the
old, we would suggest that trial of
Defiance Cold Water Starch be made
at once. Not alone because it IS guar
anteed by the manufacturers to be su-
Ie1ior to any other brand, but because
each 10c package contains 16 oZs..
while all the other kinds contain out
u ozs. 1t is safe to say that The lady
who once uses Defiance Starch will use
no other. Quality and quantity must
win
The Grit-advocate., 1906-06-15

overexerted myself in the least degree.
At times was weighed down with a
feeling of languor and depression and
suffered continually from annoying ir-
regularities of the kidney secretions.
I procured box OF Doan's Kidney
Pills and began using them. found
prompt relief from the aching and
lameness in my back. and by the time
I had taken three boxes l was cured
Of all irregularities"
Sold by all dealers: so cents a box.
FOster-Milburn Co. Buffalo, n. Y.
The Grit-advocate., 1906-06-15
In Wrong Profession.

The proprietor of theatrical COM
pany which played at Kingisher late
ly was arrested for assaulting one
Of ,i1e members of his company and
stated on the witness stand that he
was a horse doctor Many of the peo-
pie who saw his show were willing to
believe it and thought that he should
have stuck to his original profession.
Kansas City Journal.
The Grit-advocate., 1906-06-15
Wlen Your Grocer SaYa

he does not have Defiance Starch, you
may be sure he is afraid to keep it un-
sold. Defiance Starch is not only bet
ter than any other Cold Water Starch.
but contains l6 OF. to the package and
sells for same money as 12 o. brands.
The Grit-advocate., 1906-06-15
Compliment for English

Chinese Commissioner Shang Chi
Heng before leaving England for
France recently paid the British quite
a compliment in a farewell interview
He said: What has chiefly impressed
me is the dignity and solidity of your
nation. There is compactness of
spirit and conservatism which in spite
of any political differences keeps the
race well together. You remind me of
the Chinese in this respect
The Grit-advocate., 1906-06-15
Area Of Peru.

In size Peru is fourth among South
American republics, its area falling
slightly below that of Bolivia. 1t cov-
ers 695,700 square miles, without in.
cluGing certain areas which are in
dispute with Bolivia. Ecuador and
Chill. 1t is thus nearly one-fourth the
size of the United States. and nearly
six times as large as the United King.
dom.
The Grit-advocate., 1906-06-15
VARYING Conditions.

"What sort of a man is Jinks?"
THE impression you get of Jinks
depends on the circumstances under
which you meet him. If you're there
to collect money. you won't like him.
but If you're there to pay money he
seems lovely character. ashing-
ton Star.
The Grit-advocate., 1906-06-15

n. y, writes:
Sven years ago
! was suffering very
much through the
failure of the kid
neys to eliminate
the uric acid from
my system. My
back was very lame
and achod ~ I.
The Grit-advocate., 1906-06-15

The pessimist hesitates to put his
best foot forward for fear of stubbing
his toe-St. Louis Globe-Democrat.
When you want anything done
quickly, do not go to man who is
seldom busy.
The Grit-advocate., 1906-06-15
How'S This?

We offer One Hundred Dollars Reward for any
ease of Catarrh that cannot be cured by Hairs
Catarrh Cure.
=. FL. CHENEY & CO., Toledo. o.
We, the undersigned, have known +. j. Cheney
for the last Is years and believe him perfectly hon.
orable In all business transactions and financially
able to carry any obligations made by his firm.
WALDISG. kiNNAN d MARVIN,
Wholesale Druggists, Toledo. o.
Halls Catarrh Cure is taken internally, acting
directly upon the blood and mucous surfaces of the
system. Testimonials sent free. Price IS cents per
bottle. Sold by all Druggists.
Take Halls Family pills for constipation.
The Grit-advocate., 1906-06-15
Detective Story.

With unerring accuracy he fastened
the crime on the beautiful woman.
"Aha!" he cried. as he wiped his
brow and closed the last loophole.
For then did Jones thankfully real
ize that he had his wfe's waist but
toneu all the way up the back.-N. Y.
Sun.
The Grit-advocate., 1906-06-15
Preliminary Profit.

Mrs. Glub-dub-Dd your daughter
marry well?
had trip all over Europe before the
d!yOrce.-Life.
The Grit-advocate., 1906-06-15
Leaving a Card.

But, surely you are the man I gave
come pie to a fortnight ago" Yes,
lidy: | thought praps you'd like TO
know I'm able to get about again. -
Taller.
The Grit-advocate., 1906-06-15

The girl who waits tor a man to
come along and make love to her after
the manner of a novel hero will remain
single to the end OF the chapter.
The Grit-advocate., 1906-06-15

Mrs. Wins,ow's Soothing Syrup.
for children teethinr. softens the gums. reduces in
talnEiation, aays pain cures wind cole. 25c bottle
The Grit-advocate., 1906-06-15
Our Tools Best

French and German machinists ad.
NIT that Americans make the bus.
machine tools.
The Grit-advocate., 1906-06-15

Enthusiasm won't carry you very
far without backing
The Grit-advocate., 1906-06-15
One on the Doctor.

lawyer sly, al CT, why are you
always running us lawyers down?
loc:or ldr. .lyl-Well. your profess
So. doesn't make angels of men, does
1t?
Why, no; you certainly have the
advantage of us there, doctor. ILLUS
trated Bits.
The Grit-advocate., 1906-06-15
SEVEN YEARS AGO

A Rochester Chemist Found singu.
larly Effective Medicine.
William A. Franklin. of the Frank
lin 4 Palmer Chemical Co, Rochester,
The Grit-advocate., 1906-06-15

The craze for the 'colonial'' has led
to boom in the junk business.
The Grit-advocate., 1906-06-15

fore Mrs. Pinkham every year, some
personally. Others by mail. Mrs. Pink
ham is the daughter-in-lawo of Lydia E..
Pinkham and for twenty-five years
under her direction and since her de-
cease she has been advising sick women
free of charge.
Mrs. Pinkham never violates the con-
fidence of women. and eve-y testiinon-
ial letter published is done SO with
the written consent or request of the
writer. in order that other sick women
may be benefited as she has been.
Mrs. Alice Berryhill, of 313 Boyce
Street, Chattanooga, Tenn, writes:
Dear Mrs. Pihkham:-
Three years ago life looked dark to me-
] had liberation and inflammation of tine
female organ, and was in a serious condition.
MY health was completely broken down
and the doctor told me that if was not op-
Grated upon | would die within six months.
told him I would have no operation but
would try Lydia f. Pinkham's Vegetable
Compound. He tried to influence me against
it but ! sent for the medicine that same day
and began to use it faithfully. Within five
days felt relief but was not entirely cured
until l used it for some time.
Your medicine is certainly fine. have
induced several friends and neighbors to take
it and l know more than a dozen who had
female troubles and who to-day are us well
and strong as ! am from using your Vege-
table Compound"
Just as surely as Mrs. Berryhill was
cured, will Lydia E. Pinkham's Vege-
table Compound cure every woman
suffering from any form Of female ills.
If you are sick write Mrs. Pinkham
for advice. 1t is free and always help
The Grit-advocate., 1906-06-15
IN STRICT CONFIDENCE.
Women Obtain Mrs. Pinkham's
Advice and Help.
She Has Guided Thousands to Health
How Lydi. Z. Pinkhan'. Vegetable Com-
pound Cassd Mn Alice BerryhiIl.

1t is q great
, satisfaction for q
woman to feel
that she can write
to another telling
her the most pri-
vate and contiden-
tial details about
her illness, and
know that her let
ter will be seen by
q woman only.
Many thousands
Of cases of female
diseases come be-