Decorah public opinion. (Decorah, Winneshiek County [Iowa]) 1895-1928, 1906-11-07
I The Kicking Cow
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Copyright, 1906, by Homer Sprague. ]


son. He's class leader in our church,
and yet he swears like pirate"
II am sorry to hear that. When did
you hear him swear and what about?"
He's been cussing night and morn
ing for the last week, and it has al
ways been when he was milking. He
has pounded one of his cows in a
dreadful manner three or four times"
II am going to Smithville today" re-
piled the pastor, land I'll stop and see
Brother Johnson"
That afternoon the pastor drove out
and stopped at the farmers. After
some little conversation on other topics
he introduced the matter of swearing
'Pm not going to deny it." replied
the farmer as he gritted his teeth
Yes; have been swearing. l know
it's wicked and that charges would lie
against me, but 1 just couldn't help it,
i expect to swear again this evening at
milking time"
"Is COW mixed up with it?" asked
the pastor.
Every much so. Two weeks ago
traded some hogs with a man over in
Delhi for a COW. She's the worst kicker
on the face of this earth. She has kick
ed me off the milk stool from one to
three times every time have tried to
milk her."
"And you have swOrn?'
II couldn't help it,"
"And you have pounded her."
II have tried to break her back"
II am sorry, brother Johnson-very
sorry. You must expect to be tried in
this world, and you must expect to rise
superior. Swearing and cruelty to ami
mails is altogether un-Christianlike. l
presume you have heartily repented?"
II won't admit that have" answer
ed the farmer in stubborn tones.
The pastor shook his head and clasp
ed his hands and looked up at the cell
ing. By and by he said:
81 think you need an object lesson
In patience and kindness, Brother
johnson, and guess will stay to sup
per and milk that COW myself"
by John, but I'll put bag of po-
tatoes into your buggy If you will!
Yes, and if you want to criticise me
after the milking won't say word
beyond begging your pardon"
Three hours later the farmer and the
pastor approached the barnyard to do
the milking. The kicking cow was the
most humble and demure of the three
cows in the yard. There was self alb
negation in her pose and timidity in
her eye. The pastor studied her for a
couple of minutes and then wondered
if Brother Johnson hadn't been tapping
barrel of old cider.
That's the critter," said the farmer
as he pointed her out.
The pastor approached and stroked
her and had few kind words to say.
His look grew complacent as he did so.
He was almost beaming as he planted
his stool and sat down and began
There were flies trying to get in their
work on her hind legs, but she never
even switched her tail.
Brother Johnson" was remarked
after about five minutes, don't you
think you have been mistaken in this
cow?'
Hardly ever, pastor"
''Then / can't quite make it out. A
more kind and gentle animal never
The COW swung with her right leg,
and the hoof and all the weight behind
1t caught the good man full in the
stomach and sent him rolling over and
over. He lay gasping for breath for a
moment, and when helped to his feet
he leaned against shed and said
Brother Johnson, seem to have
been kicked by your cow"
Fright you are, parson. Are you
thinking Of any swear words?'
The parson smiled family.
Don't you want a fence rail to
pound her with"
The parson smiled family some more
and then said:
you might go across the road and
ask Aunt Hetty to step over here for a
moment Tell her / wish to speak to
her.
Ten minutes later Aunt Hetty arriv-
ed. She expected the pastor was going
to confront her with Farmer Johnson
as to the swearing and pounding, and
she turned pale and grew nervous over
it, but he softly and kindly said:
SISTER Strong, would you kindly sit
down and milk this cow"
"Why, certainly" she replied. "This
is the new COW Brother Johnson's been
getting, and it's a shame the way he
has sworn at her and pounded her
around. AS / was saying to my hus-
band this morning, she's as quiet as an
old sheep"
The pastor and the farmer stood
aside, and Aunt Hetty sat down with
stool and pail. For three or four min
utes the COW closed her eyes and
seemed to dream of babbling brooks
and grassy dells. Then she opened
them and went to business with that
right leg. A little extra steam was put
on for the occasion, and Aunt Hetty
went five feet beyond the pastors rec
ord and was full minute longer than
he in recovering her senses. Her first
exclamation was, Darn that coww
Her first move was to grab up club.
SISTER Strong, do you blame Brother
Johnson for swearing at and pounding
this cOwT asked the pastor.