The Jasper weekly courier. [volume] (Jasper, Ind.) 1858-1922, 1906-01-26

hey could figure exactly how much
they have 20 pay for a dead one. but
the live ones are the ones that MAKE
I trouble for a railroad. cause they eau
kick and argue. The boss said nobody
was dead. but the giant. who was
mired in out OF sight The giant
heard what was said, and he yelled
/ that he was alive. and wouldn't settle
for less than $50 1000. but the claim agent
said the giant would be dead in Is
minutes in that Quicksand. so he would
let him sink. and pay for him as a
dead one.
The giant said If they would pull
him out OF the mud he would settle
for Sl0o and they pulled him out.
and che rest Of the injured were going
TO mob him for settling so cheap.
one Of the claim agents found the
bearded woman sitting on hay cock,
comhing out her whiskers. and asked
what IL would take to settle. and she
said $4,000. and she got up and walked
over 10 another hay cock where the
CirCassian beauty was drying her
hair. and the claim agent looked at
how spry the bearded woman walked.
and he said 70 the boss: Il won't give
that fellow with the curly whiskers a
single kopeck. and the bearded wom-
an came back and swatted the claim
agent for calling her a fellow So
they compromised on 5000. and she
went behind the haystack and put II
in her stocking which convinced the
claim agent that she wasn't man.
A near-sighted claim agent came TO
the haystack where the fat woman
was. and the boss told her now was
her time TO have a mess OF Mysteries.
so she set up cry that scared the
agent. who thought there were at
least six women on the haystack.
and he said What will all you PEG
pie up there on the haystack settle
for in a lump. for | am in a hurry9"
The fat woman caught on at once.
and said: We will all settle for $40
600" Then she yelled. and the agent
thought her back was broke. and he
offered $500. and she cried and said:
Make il $4,000. and the agent said:
Il Will go you, and he made out
check, and the fat woman had some
more Mysteries
had watched the settling all
around. and l told pa TO be deaf aad
dumb when they came TO him. and
jrst point 10 the seat OF his pants in
front and buttoned up behind. and
look As though he was suffering the
toriures Of the inquisitlon, and let me
20 the talking, and l would make the
ola railroad 90 into a receivers hands.
So pa said: You are the boss. and
be locked SO pitiful that almost
cried.
When the near-sighted claim agent
came 70 pa. l told him that pas last
words were TO beg TO be shot. and
the man looked at pas pants. and then
al his face. and said: What hit him?
That's the worst case ever saw In
a railroad wreck"
put my handkerchief to my eyes
and said Well. when the shock came.
pa was all right, as handsome a man
as you would often see. think there
must have been a pile driver on the |
rain that struck him, and changed |
sides with him, knocking his stomach /
on the back side OF him. and |
placing his spinal column around in |
'front.' Of him, where his stomach was. I
and causing him TO lose the sense Of /
speech. Think Of a middle-aged man /
going through life mixed up in that /
having TO sit down on his /
stomach and having his backbone star |
ng him in the face. How does he 1
znow when he takes food in his mouth. /
hat il can corkscrew itself around /
under his arm. and eventually find his
stomach? How a man can be ground /
md twisted. and mauled. and stamped
On by a reckless locomotive with a
ray engineer and a drunken fireman
rolled over by box cars, and walked
IN BY elephants, and still live, is
beyond me. AS he told me before he
ost the power Of speech not to be too
lard on the railroad company. though
iome railroads would be glad to pay
lin $4,000, and no questions asked.
le begged me. as heir to his estate. 10
ct you of for paltry $4,000"
Pa made UP the darndest face. and
The agent called another
lgent, and they whispered together.
IND finally the first one came to me
ind asked pas full name, and then
he two Of them got out a fountain
zen, and they made out a check, and
le said: This is the first case in the
history Of railroad wrecking that he
gent has not had the heart to try to
ieat the injured party down. This
S certainly the most pitiful case that
las ever been known. and If your ia
her ever comes to his senses you can
ell him he is welcome to the money"
The agents shook hands with pa and
ana went away to their train. and
"a winked at me, and a wrecKlng train
anne and We got on a special. and cot
0 Pitisburg before breakfast. and pa
, going to buy me a dog out OF the
money.
Gee. but there Il all kinds OF money