davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-02-13
JAVA WKER JOTS

Fred Trigg suggests that if the worst
happens Count Boni might get a job
from George Gould as porter on the
Missouri Pacific.
Some of Mack Cretcher's philosophy:
IF the creator had intended you to talk
more than you listen you would no doubt
have been fitted out with two tongues
and only one ear"
The Leavenworth Post says it's edi-
tor spent a bad penny in Kansas City
just to see If it would come back. It
didn't. Nothing that is spent in Kansas
City ever comes back.
The information Of the Leavenworth
Post was doubtless correct when it was
advised that Countess de Castellane re-
fused to join in the GLORIOUS of Bring
Back Ny Boni to Me-
Confession of the Lawrence World:
This column needs just one more
squib And for the life of US we can't
decide whether to make it a bouquet
for Nick LOngworth or a roast for Boni
Castellane."
Homer Hoch registers this protest:
Speaking of the Woeful Waste of
MOney-may we interrupt the meeting
long enough to give a few figures on an
important matter that seems to have
been overlooked. We refer to the four
buttons on the sleeves of mems coats
Now there are probably SEQ. 900 men in
Kansas and they probabl have on an
average two coats apiece. That makes
20O, 600 coat and 4, 500, 600 or 400, 900 dozen
sleeve buttons. The buttons cost about
twenty cents a dozen, and at that rate
the men of Kansas alone are carrying
around on their coat sleeves IN the form
of buttons that have no use on earth
or in the sky an investment of about
$50 600 And the estimate is most con-
servative. Fellow cOuntrymen, in the
name Of economy, and thrift and phil
anthropy and business sense and all
sorts of other things is there no way
stop this Reckless Extravaganza
Deacon Bert Walker: Old Bill Shiftless
has been converted again. Bill has got
religion every winter for a good many
years. but he never stuck. This time
he saws he is saved for all time to come.
Pill is so sure that he is on the straight
already asked two different church dea-
cons to lend him seed corn for this
spring. He will pay them back when
he gathers his crop next fall and in adj
ditfon says he Will give a tenth of his
profits to the church A few evenings
ago at the close Of services few OF the
brothers got together and decided that
they would come around the next day
and hank up the church and repair the
coal house. They asked Bill if he was
ready to do something for the Lord by
helDine Bill said he was, but that he
troubled with rheumatism of the back
and didn't like to run any risk OF hurt
irg himself But to show that ne was
sincere he would send his wife around
10 the next meeting of the missionary
society and have her sew for couple OF
hours Mrs. Shiftless doesn't go to the
revival. She has to stay at nome ana
look after things so that Bill can go.
ssrTbe thing that is worrying me most
new said Bill, to a couple of his sisters
the other day "is that my woman
doesn't seem to take any interest IN her
spiritual welfare.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-02-13
ouAKER REELECTIoNs.
rFrom the Philadsiphia Record.I

rFrom the Philadelphfa Record.I -
Csursinz our luck won't change IL.
It's what a man hasn't done that soms-
times counts.
drop in the bucket IS worth two In
the bucket shop.
If meaning well meant riches we would
all be men Of means.
All the worlds stage. and the Truss
magnate is the property man.
Lots Of US never recognize our blessings
because we can't penetrate the disguise.
The trouble with the fellow who knows
it all is that he insists upon knowing it.
too.
The poet takes life seriously, but the
average editor would take a poets life
with positive glee.
A man will manufacture a lie out OF the
whole cloth. but with her ideas OF econo-
my woman will use remnants
SiIlicus-tfWh do you consider the true
test of greatnessz'' Cynicus-''An ability
great"
Tommy-"Pop. what does tempting
fate mean?' Tommy's POp-''Tempting
fate. my son, means wearing a high hat
in sn0W-balling time "
Blobbs-''That fellow Biones has great
head on him" Slobbs-''Bahi Just be-
cause he cleaned up d lot Of money in
the stock market?" Blobbs-'No, because
he still has it,
jenkins remarked the great r1er-
chant to his confidential clerk, you have
been with me for % years. yes, sir.''
replied Jenkins You have been a faith
ful employe-" II hope so. sir You
have grown gray in my service Yes
of hair dye
Where there's a win there's a.,
her pupils to complete the proverh
where there's a viii there's a lot Of
distant relatives - supplied the small bow
whose greataunt had recently died.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-02-13

to have the additional expense Of It'll
cation.
How strange it is that Mr.. Grimes
did not discover that he had S4,215
belonging to the state of Kansas long
before this. It is certainly mighty
prosperous times when a man from a
short grass county like Wichita does
on his bank book. There is certainly
something wrong with their system
of bookkeeping at the state house
when a cash item of over seven thou
sand is not discovered for several
years. If such things don't come to a
stop pretty soon, Kansas may have
to endure another Demo-pop admins
tratiOn. 3"
The state Journal has steadfastly
refused to believe that Mr.. Grimes is
guilty of personally stealing any of
the great amount of money which
"evaporated'' during his term as state
treasurer. It has, however, insisted
that people are justified in believing
T. T. Kelly guilty, inasmueh as Kelly
handled the money for Grimes, mas
much as he had a record as an en-
bezzler and inasmuch as S1,402-the
Garden City shortage-was traced di-
rectly into his hands.
If Mr.. Crimes had nothing to do
with the shortages and if he is really
afraid to spend a few dollars in at
torneys' fees in locating the guilty
party, his attitude indicates that some
one else is anxious to put up the ST.
600 for him, and that he is anxious
to shield that party from a judicial
Investigation
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-02-13
a splrited Witness.

SIR Henry Irfing was once the guest
OF honor at a lawyers banquet in New
York, says the Philadelphia Bulletin. In
the course of 4 graceful address he
said:
GU, gentleman, have given me most
helpful acvice OF the art of aeting-win
you permit me to give you in return
piece of advice regarding your profess
sion?
MY advice. then, is that you make
your cross examination less vigorous,
less harsh. What is the good of treat
ing an honest and sensitive witness on
the witness stand as though he were a
sneak thief? young man in my COM
pany was q WITNESS in a case of rob
berry. He had seen a thief snatch
young girls poke tbook and make off.
Well the thief lawyer cross-ex-
amined my young friend shamefully. He
roared at him, shbok his fist at him,
raved at him.
And at what hour did ali of this
happen2 the lawyer sneeringly asked
toward the end of his examination.
- think my fl end began, but he
was at once interal pied
We don't care Anything here about
what you Think said the lawyer with
a snort of eontempt.i
Don't you want to hear what I
think?' asked my young friend, mildly.
Certainly notH the lawyer roared-
Then said my friend I may as
well step down from the box. I'm not
a lawyer. 1 can't talk without think
ing
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-02-13
PoINTED PARAGRArHs-
TFrom the Chicago Nows.J

EFrom the Chicago NewsJ
Love and pain are more or less
chummy.
Keep. eggs from spelling by eating them
while fresh.
A big policeman can BLUM almost any
body-eXcept his wife.
The darkest hour is just when your
chickens are disappearing.
When a man challenges comparison he
has to fight against big odds.
Fortune tellers are seldom able to vf.l-
out fortunes for themselves 80
It's as easy for most women to be GOOD
as II IS Tor some men to be no good
Everybody says the love Of money is fl,e
root Of all evil but nobody believes it
Not until man is able to beat an echo
out Of the last word can he hope Ia r1,f
talk a woman.
A building may burn either down or IN.
the attic or basement -A
While a woman may not care. for = ~.
cation, she disliSes to admit thai ~
passed the entire summer al home eAiS
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-02-13

Capt. William Ellinger. the noted oys-
ter grower of Chesapeake Bay, said re-
Gently:
The oyster business is in a bad way.
oysters are getting scarce. They are
not planted in the right manner and
they are not gathered in the right man
ner. The government must soon step
in and give us a change. or eventually
there viii be no more oysters left.
Things are all wrong as they areas
wrong as the English with the letter
h
@onee. in Banbury, I dined with an
English farmer. We had ham for din
ner, q very delicious ham, baked The
farmers son soon finished his portion
and passed his plate again.
More am, father he said.
The farmer frowned.
Don't say am, SON. he said, say
am.
II did say am, the lad protested
in an injured tone.
You said am, cried the father
fercely. ANS what it should be. Am,
not am.
IN the midst of the squabbIe the
farmers wife turned to me with a lit
tie deprecatory laugh. and said:
They both think they're saying
am Exchange.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-02-13
JOURNAL ENTRIES

It was very considerate of the Capital
to pull Henry Allen out of the Second
district race for congress before he paid
his entrance fee to get his name on the
primary ballot. Still, it is barely posi-
pie that Henry viii be just bull-headed
enough to insist on giving the congress
sional committee his monev and let the
people of the Second district send him
to congress after all
By the way, the man who kills the
peach crop several times every spring is
already three weeks overdue.
WANTED AT ONCE-Eight expert
enced grafters,' is a nursery want ad
in last nights State Journal. Why
doesn't the nursery apply at the state
house2
An eastern congressman proro~a~ to
tax all bachelors and vote the pro-
ceeds to a pension for spinsters. That
sort of a law would catch Del Valen-
tine, who seems to be proof against any
of the usual methods that catch other
men.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-02-13

cause. I could see that nothing less
than a mutiny would clear the air.
You said yourself Faint heart ne ef
won fair lady
Poor mother" sighed Marcia.
don't think you viii make an ideai
son-in-laW."
ssBut q good husband he insisted,
''and the head of the house.
Poor mother said Marcia again.
Copyright, 1906. BY P. G. East
ment.)
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-02-13
REFLECTIONS OF A BACHELOR
rFror the New York Pr

The sirnnIe life is the kind no body
wants to lead because it has such good
reputation
When You see a girl out walking with
out a hat on it is sign she thinks II
will make it curly
when a woman suspects some one she
knows Of leading a double life she has
more fun than If she was sure of It.
It takes three days Of experimenting IN
cold weather to get the furnace to burn
like bIazes when the warm wave strikes
Us.
A man would have to work overtime all
dav to do all the things he tries to
make his friends believe he does before
breakfast.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-02-13

Three or four years ago the Atchi-
son Globe printed a piece about the
house in which Buffalo Bill lived
when a boy We cut it out for future
use. Last week we used it in the
Signal. without credit. The next day
the Topeka Capital used It. without
credit. The third day the Globe used
its own story, without credit. and on
the fourth day the Capital used it
again, without credit. You can't keep
a good story down.-Holton Signal.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-02-13
DANGEROUS!

The State Journal announces the re-
tirement of Bob McGonigal as a can
didate for the Republican nomination
as secretary of state, giving as a rea-
son the fact that Mr.. Gonigal's salary
as manager of the Chicago Lumber
company at Colby has been advanced
to $4,000. 1t is dangerous anyhow at
this time to attain a state office. Things
are in such mess that the job is al
most disreputable in advance of at
ainment-AtWood Square Deal.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-02-13
..T1Ie Modern readers BibIe.'

Shortly after little Margaret, aged 4,
had been taken to see Peter Pan" in
which Maude Adams plays the title role.
her 6-year-o1d brother undertook to tell
her the story of the creation
And then. Margaret said he, latter
the Lord had made all the rest of the
things. He made a man and called him
Adam. and by and by Adam got tired of
being all alone, and the Lord took one
Of Adams ribs from him when he was
asleeD and made q wife for him as a
surprise. and her name was"
ssOh. I know! know!'' exclaimed 1T
tie Margaret, quickly, her name was
Naude Adams. -Harper's Weekly.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-02-13
BETTER AN OLD MAID.

Anna Gould, who a few years ago
bought French count by the name
of Castellane for a husband, has left
the fellow and sued for divorce.
We have hard work working up any
sympathy for a woman who becomes
50 enamored with foreign titles as to
buy husband to get one. Anna had
much better have followed the ex-
ample of her sensible sister Helen and
remained an old maid.-Holton Re-
corder.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-02-13
FROM OTHER PENS
THE TRAGEDY OF DIVORCE.

A 16-year-old boy in New York
committed suicide the other day be-
cause of grief over the separation and
probable divorce of his parents. Chill
dren of divorced parents do not often
go to such desperate lengths. but
their suffering is one of the tragedies
of such affairs which is too seldom
taken into deration.-Indianap
oils Star.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-02-13
VIII HoCH APOLoGIzE.

At last reports Thomas T. Kelly
ESQ, of Topeka. Kansas. was still at
large. and the central figure around
which all the other little Topeka poll
ticians gather. We are expecting the
governor to publicly apologize to
Thomas for al the trouble he has
made the chief boss buster of the state.
Smith County Messenger.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-02-13

Count Witte declares that Russia s
greatness and happiness are due to the
car. Count Witte must have been
writing d Republican platform for
Russia That declaration sounds like
the plank attributng all American
greatness and prosperity to the pro
fectIve tariff
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-02-13

no show yet practically every oId-tme
Republican county seat paper in the
district except the World and Journal
at Lawrence and the Register at lola,
is supporting Mr.. Allen.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-02-13
HELEN GOuLD-

Helen Gould is giving away a good
deal of money for Y. NJ. G. A. build
ings and other Institutions to benefit
laboring men. Millions of Americans
are thankful that one of the Gould
girls never married a French count.
Journal.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-02-13

The erudite editor Of the sedgwielz
Pantagaph hands down the opinion
that the ground hog has about as much
20 do with the weather as the average
voter has with running the govern
ment, and no dissenting opinion has
been filed to date.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-02-13
DEFINITION.

The big packing concerns have
what are called constituent companies.
A constituent company is sort of
confederate operating behind the
scenes.-St. Louis Globe-Democrat.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-02-13

Here is one place where Charlie
Scott has a distinct advantage over
Henry Allen: The Second district pri-
mary has been set late enough for
everybody to get their congressional
garden seeds from Mr.. Scott, but it is
also so early that people will not have
found out that the seeds won't grow
until after they have voted.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-02-13

Never judge a community by sin
gle circumstance or claim. The Mis-
souri, penitentiary claims to have the
largest Christian Endeavor society in
the world, but that does not necessarily
make 1T a good place in which to make
q home
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-02-13
JUsT ORDINARY HOGS.

When the market reporter speaks
of an "easier tone in hogs" he wishes
it understood that he has no reference
to the incorrigible street car hog
st. Louis Republic.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-02-13

It is not astonishing that Count
Boni dislikes to lose his job as Anna
Gould's husband. The salary attached
60 it is extremely attractive to an i'm
pecunious nobleman.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-02-13

Chief Engineer Stevens says the
Panama canal can be completed in
seven years. MT Stevens. however
probably did not figure in his estimate
the time which the United States SEN
ate will require to Investigate and talk
about it.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-02-13

While it has been pretty warm
winter, things may come the coal
mans way later on. There is good
promise of strike. and then won't
prices sail 2-Syracuse Herald.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-02-13

''Peoria is a good city" says the
Peoria HeraId-Transcript. This state
ment IL should be explained, was
made since Peoria got rid Of some of
its bank presidents.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-02-13

Ex-Governor Bailey is undoubtedly
in good standing all over the state
Every newspaper that comes to this
office has something nice to say of
him. This is quite d change from two
years ago, and proof that Bailey was
right.-TrOy Chief.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-02-13

with the New York legislature in
session it may be necessary to again
nut a guard around Niagara falls.
The safer way probably viii be to
move the falls out of the reach of the
egislature.=Philade Press
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-02-13
JUDGE DEUEL..

refuses to be separated from his sal
airy. That is to say, he viii not resign
under fire. or over it, until he is roast
ed beyond ndurance.-Poruand Ad-
vertiser.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-02-13

The Chicago News gives It out cold
that this country could get along just
as well as not without Mormonism.
And Sc might also have included sew
eral other things.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-02-13

The politician who doesn't know
when he is dead is apt to meet with
severe f7isapDointment when he claims
10 be alive-Memphis Commercial
Appeal.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-02-13

over in France they say Castro has
been guilty OF duplicity. Another way
OF expressing it would be to say that
Castro is a liar.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-02-13
c0CTETvlS NFFD.

But then New York society never
did indorse the Roosevelt demand for
ness is privacy.-Hdemphis CONNER
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-02-13

Charlie Sessions says there is an Off
eial On the state house 'who uses his
Pullman pass continuously to save
room rent
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-02-13

Pittsburg was ten degrees warmer
than other big eastern cities during the
recent cold wave back there-but that
was to be expected. A town with the
hot class Of millionaires that Pittsburg
has ought not to need any furnaces. :
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-02-13

Herbert Hadley has been trying to
throw some light on the methods Of
Standard OH, but he hasn't been using
Standard oil to do it.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-02-13

The Mankato Advocate refers to
Governor Hoch as "skilIfuI with the
whitswash brush" But even a coat
Of whitewash slEillfully applied viii not
hide the embellishments and graft.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-02-13

The cold wave has hard time
waving In Kansas this year 1t seems
TO run into a bunch Of terminal facili-
ties- before reaching here.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-02-13

Peoria appears to he acquiring a
reputation for that shady species OF
bankers to match its reputation for
dIstilleries.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-02-13

Very likely the next generation Of
senator's will also be wrestling with the
Reed Smoot case.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-02-13

eParis." says the washington Star.
e'contnues to be the worlds headquar-
tiers for scandal" And thus the claims
OF Pittsburg to recognition are again
uuaeeded
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-02-13

Senator Patterson finds himself
much more famous for defying the
Democratic caucus than he did for de-
eyinE the Colorado supreme court
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-02-13

It IS suspected that a certain Ohio
eongressman-the one from the Gin
einnau distrfct-isn't earning his sal
ary as a congressman these days.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-02-13

What a deplorable lack Of influence
the Republican papers in the Second
district must have! Here the Capital
gives it out cold that Henry Allen viii
probably withdraw from the congress
aional race down there because he has
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-02-13

Here is one thing we can be thankful
FOR: Anna Gould won't go on the
stage after It is over.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-02-13

The state journal is a member. Of the
Associated Press and receives the 1ull
Eav telegraph report Of that great news
organization for exclusive afternoon pun
ucatlon in Topeka
The news is received IN the state Jour
nal building over wires for this sole pur-
nose
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-02-13
rHF JTTrIE THINCs.

see them s.ll about me. the little things
undone-
The wagon shat I promised to hx so it
would ruin,
The doll the drum, the trumpet, are scat
promised would take them when I'd
the time 10 spare.
And he-he ,lyas 50 patient; more SO than
Nor minded when tumbIed the trinkets
But went, quit softly singing. as do blithe
To ,wondrols nake-believing with all his
broken toys.
call him in a whisper that trenb1es to
sigh
call him in a whisper-but wait for no
And then. asI at an altar. before the toys
And touch with fumbling fingers-I'm not
too busy now.
All. nov. my hands are idle; my heart is
It does not thrill in cadence with all the
laughs ! knew
count he broken treasures he asked me
to make whole,
And count, tfle. niggard minutes I gave
him as his dole.
But I shall leave them broken. these TOYS
that still are his
And he must hear my whisper in what
lair place he is.
wonder if in heaven they viii not let
The little thinss-the little things 1 did
not DO for Iyoul
W. D. NesbitEin the Chicago Tribune.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-02-13

FULL T,EAsED WIRE REPORT
or THE ASSOCIATED PRESS.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-02-13

Wiseman-I was uncommonly lucky the
first time I ever played the races.
Drumley-Simply couldn't lose, emf
observation-disclosures did lose ana never
played againi-Philadelpht Press.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-02-13

'I had cousin who was In one posi-
/ ton for 81 years, and''-began HI Spry.
-'Holdin' a cover n1ent job or playin' 6
/ game o chess?' inquired the Old CodEer
/ in MS usual grim way.-Puck.