The sun. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1833-1916, 1906-04-29
The GASOLINE JAG BEARERS.
PAUSE ERE ALL HOPE rs GONE
AND TRY A BALLOON.
the ModeratiOnIst, POttering Now Over
Brooklyn Asphalt, VIII SoOn lie Doing
90 Miles to Philadelphia I'm IS Minutes,
and Then 1t VIII BE Too Late! Too Latel

90 Miles to Philadelphia IN 80 minutes
and Then 1t VIII BE Too Late! Too Latel
Lpst hat touch Vasolene shall never touch mine
Glrags DHies'
SOf course automobiling is like BOOKING"
said a jaded clubman, referring to the
recently expressed theory Of DR.. Lee
Howard, "but b~allooning Is soft drinks
and early to bed and early to rise. l know,
because | Joined the Aero Club partly
10 get a new sensation and partly to still
have a show at q corner Of a sofa in the
,olnging room of the Automobile Club.
The Aero Club has shelter there, and
the hot gas imitation membership is grow-
inc 30 and talking 80 much that if Il man
doesn't Join the balloons he might as well
eo hack to church to make sure of a seat
and a little s~ocfability.
But as to the new sensation the Aero
membership was > a dreadful ~disappoint-
ment. say, if every member Of that new
club really owned a balloon, or even a
tenth interest in one, you couldn't soc New
Works skyline on account Of drifting gas
bags and airships. But they talk $4,000
,ubic feet OF hot air every night without
single ascension by 80 much as an inch
from a leather sofa. There's no excite
nent in that.
Accommodating is the real thing, though,
lust a. that doctor says. He explains
that speeding and the craving for strong
drink are etiologically the same thing.
He must get his excitement using words
like that. / looked it up and that was a
new experience for me, and every little
helps.
The doctor hasn't developed his theory
far enough. Boozing and speeding both
lead to the police court, for instance, and
there are a lot of other points of similarity.
When just a plain drunk doesn't give enough
relief a man can beat somebody; but
while he is driving away dulness in that way
IN an acquaintance the man behind the
sneed gear wheel can kill haR a dozen per-
feet strangers. And you can't spend
money enough getting drunk to be safe
from melancholia. But take a on no rss-
rover machine that cost $50 900 at the
start and Sl5,O00 a year to run, exclusive
Of fines, damages and counsel fees, and
you've got a sum that In itself acts as a
gentle stimulant before you take the first
ride. That amount invested in wine would
mean over thirty-two quarts a day and a
man couldn't. drink that much without
It's tasting insipid after a few weeks.
THE nerve doctor that l keep down
%town-not the one l have nights at the
club-has tried to reduce the thing to a
table of equivalents for me, but it doesn't
amount to much. On the basis Of a mile
a minute in "A four cylinder car he has
arrived at tbs conclusion by holding his
fingers on my pulse:
blocks ride-1 cocktail.
blocks ride-1 absinthe trnwl.
v mile-l quart.
/ mie-l mngnum.
THAT Of course is the table In its simplest
form. Among the moro elaborate for
mulas are: Ninety mile run to Philadelphia
IN seventy-flve minutes equals fifteen quarts
with three chorus girls as guests; one run to
Atlantic City equals half hour at crosstown
lodging of su q Pna servers; a mile in thirty
two seconds on Florida Beach equals seven
indictments, tHA triple lives, and going to
Brooklyn in the rush hour all rolled into
live! But we can't have that always.
For everyday diversion there's nothing III
beating the Nellie Bly-that's the Penn
e~ylvania Railroads Atlantic City flyer,
that crawls down through Jersey at an
average rate of fifty-fve miles an hour.
II it wasn't for. racing that train down
once or twice a week there are several
New York men who would get so run down
in their nervous systeps that they'd have
to go to the psychopathio, ward; A true
sport Of course will give the train ten or
fifteen minutes start at Jersey City and
then cut across country to Burlington to
wait for it to catch up. From there on
the road and track are parallel for about
seventeen miles and by holding himself in
a little the man in the auto can keep abreast
Of Nellie Bly's cowcatcher. Then he turns
on full speed and beats the train to Atlantic
Cityby anywhere from ten to thirty minutes.
sButif the Pennsylvania Company doesn't
put a faster train on that run that sport
will die out too and some Of our most promi-
nent men will have to quit It,. AS 1t rs now
the pastime has to be supplemented by a
lot Of hard drinking at Atlantic City. Far
be it from me to bellttle the improving
effects OF excessive drin ing, but it is
stupid at the best, because Il mar has to
stay in one place too long to consume any
thing worth mentioning. And booze can't
be taken on the road, while going at top
speed, to advantage. Ike tired IL; w l haa :
tube attached. hoping to get a new sensa,
ton out of the combination OF speed and
a NORWOOD jag, but the results weren't
worth the trouble.
Strange as it may seem there's more satis-
faction in having something about the color
Of the machine fit the occasion. For my
Nelly Bly, races / use a rich brown benedic-
tine or brandy colored car. l also have a
vermouth racer and an Irish whiskey tour
ing auto. A mild sort of a friend of mine
who thinks that that Atlantic City train
goes fast enough does most of his speeding
in a sort Of grass green creme de menthe
outfit. -,
Inc speed henQ olten DeRinS WIN t"o
first easy gentle ride which leads to more.
Many a man whose poor or moderate
means makes the ownership of a car nm
possible has. become n we'll established
drunkard from his first drink, even If that
drink was ~sarsaparilla but taken out OF a
bottle at a real bar. It's the same way with
automobiles. I know a thoroughly faded
multimilliopaire who had had everything
that the Far West could do for him and then
came to New York for a new sensation.
He began by trying to see the town In a
ubberneck wagon. The next day he
found out how to get an introduction to a
vaudeville artist who wouldn't speak TO
any one until she was introduced. Then, he
hired an electric cab by the hour. Within
a week two, chorus girls would bow to him
and one Of them would let him buy her her
supper after the show. But there's no need
Of going into all the details Of his progress
and development. It's sufficient TO say
that now he has to take the Nelly Bly, treat
ment in his own cars three times a week by
the doctors order and his nerves al" Ike a
|piano that you have to play on with q lodge
hammer to get any sound ut OF it"
SHERMAN TO MARCH TO THE SEA