Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1906-04-21
JOBS0N'S OBESITY CURE


ago.
ssD'ye know he said to Mrs Jobson.
who met him in the hall. y m getting too
blamed stout. that's what's the matter with
me. Here am, wheeling like an old bone
yard horse after taking little walk I've
got to reduce my flesh some way or an
other. that's ALL
''Oh. I don't think you are any too stout
said Mrs. Jobson. calmly. II wouldn't have
you get thin for anything You are just
about right. Exercising on one of these
humid days makes anybody somewhat-er-
distressed. Really, l don't think you weigh
too much"
Mr. Jobson darted her a quick look of
suspicion as he hung his hat on the rack.
''Oh, guess that'll be about all O. that
Mrs. Jobson. If you please he said to
her Your work is pretty coarse when you
try to get that stringing spirit on 1 guess
can struggle along pretty well without
being guyed at home. Maybe you are un-
der the impression that don't know that
you're going around telling everybody you
know that I'm getting disgracefully and un-
whoiesomely fatg"
why, nothing of the kind my dear"
quickly put in Mrs. Jobson. II really dent
think you are too fat. l hate skinny peo-
big and broad, of course. but you have very
little, IL any. superffuous flesh, and II
were you-
well If you're not making an elephanfre
effort to be kidful, you're trying TO stake
me to the oily method" put in Mr.. Jobson,
land 1 guess l can dub along, at home
without any of that notwithstanding bust
ness either Mrs. Jobson. l may be q
pretty easy mark, but you might as well
know now, if you haven't found it out all
these years. that this purring scheme and
this shooting the bunk plan. so to speak,
isn't going to get you anything SO far as
I concerned YOIl don't have to Halter
me to get along with me- Mrs. Jobson. I'm
fat-p-h-a-d ouble-t-, fat, all right, and you
know it as well as 1 do. SO what's the use
O. your standing there and trying to slip
me lot of south breeze about my being
just right when you know that I'm getting
so / can hardly get in the front door,
"But I'm perfectly in earnest, persisted
Mrs Jobson. I'D really hate to see you
going through the misery of trying to re-
duee when there's no actual necessity for
it. When man gets to be your age he.
of course, ought to expect to take on a
certain amount of weight, and
"Oh, of course you've got to nudge that
one in-about my age-haven't your? snap
ped Mr.. Jobson. ITO hear you tax IL
'ud seem as If you had it doped out that
I was about a hundred and twenty-seVen
and that you were just lifting along past
your nineteenth year. You needn't give
yourself any concern about my age, Mrs
Jobson.s 1t isn't bothering me any. sos
you needn't lose any rest over 1t. You re
not in such a dead-cinch position to be
shooting out these cracks about the age
thing, anyhow, when 1t comes to that. OF
course, you've got it all framed up that I'm
four years older than you are, but you
must remember that I've seen that family
Bible at your folks home, and II the date
of your birth in that Bible doesn't show the
plainest marks of erasure and alteration,
then l never saw a written page IN my
life"
But I've seen so many people injure
their health trying to reduce their flesh, >
side argument. ITO take on flesh is natu-
raj, of course, but to reduce it suddenly
isn't, OF course, and besides the inconveni-
ence and misery of 1t is often really dan
gerous for folks to try these obesity cures,
and
BE so good as to permit me to regulate
my own game in connection with my car
cass,'' put in Mr.. Jobson. 81 guess I've
been f1ddling around the world long enough
to know what's good for me and what's
not. If you think I'm going to trudge
| around painting and blowing and wheeling
like a winded porpoise every time I walk
a block or so to buy q paper, you've got
your signals mixed, that's all. I'm going
to take off thirty pounds inside of the next
three weeks, and if I don't suit myself then
I'll go ahead and take off thirty more
Have you investigated some special way
of reducing?" soothingly inquired Mrs. job
son.
That's what 1 have" replied Mr.. job
son. Il never plunge into these things in
| a haphazard.- half-cocked. crazy kind OF
way without knowing what I'm doing, like
some people I could mention. My scheme
IS the simplest thing in life. In the first
place, as soon as l wake up in the morn
ing, I drink cup of boiling hot water,
with q tablespoonful of phosphate of soda
just plain sodium phosphate, that costs
only quarter pound at the drug store
I've brought q can Of it home with me.
And, by the way DR.. S. Weir Mitchell of
Philadelphia guess youH say he's no
account doctor. hey. and that he doesn t
know what he's talking about?-Dr. Mitch
ell recommends that treatment TO folks that
call upon him for an obesity remedy and
charges EN- about $50 for the advice,
whereas 1t hasn't cost me q cent. The hot
water and sodium phosphate treatment I
supplement by getting up every morning
and going through certain bedroom calls
thenic exercises with which l have IA
miliarized myself for about half an hour.
Don't have to diet at all. Can eat whatever
| want to, and as much Of it, But inside
of Just three weeks IL I'm not thirty pounds
lighter than l am now I'll buy you one OF
the silliest and dinkiest pancake sailor hats
of the kind fool women are now wearing
that can be purchased for a large sum of
money"
Mrs. Jobson brought up a cup of boiling
hot water on the following morning and
placed it on the table alongside the still
SIumbering Mr.. Jobson. Then she touched
his sleep with q scowl.
What's the matter?' he asked, grump-
lily. whats coming off here, anyhow"
'fYour hot water and soda" said Mrs.
Jobson. You told me you wanted IL about
| three-quarters OF an hour before break
fast. you know, and you have your exer-
clses to do yet and breakfast is preparing
its going on o'clock"
"Oh!" said Mr.. Jobson, not very enthu-
slastically, and then he picked up the cup
of hot water. in which the soda had been
dropped and started to sip it with a very
wry face.
IFS 1t pleasant to take2" inquired Mrs.
Jobson, who stood by.
I'm not one of the kind that expects
curative agencies to be pleasant to take
like some folks. madam" grouched Mr.
Jobson. I'm taking 1T, amt I? Well
that's enough When L start out to do a
thing, 1 do 1t. and I'd take this stun If 1t
tasted like boiled gum bootS-which II does
taste like, when it comes to that"
well, your exercises now" said Mrs
Jobson when he had finished the hot water
and soda.
"Ye-eh, but / think 1 can dispense with
our company while take my calls
thenics" growled Mr.. Jobson, and then
she went downstairs to superintend the
breakfast. For ten or fifteen minutes she
heard Mr.. Jobson humping around on the
bedroom floor in his pajamas, the humping
being accompanied by a series of unearthly
grunts and gurgles and growls. The calls
themes didn't last anything like the pre-
scribed half hour. but Mrs. Jobson was wise
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