davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-04-10
HVMOR OF THE Day

mean when they talk about the big
Papa tnnember of congress from the
Umpteenth distrctl-Any United states
Senator, my son.-Chicago Tribune.
Yes. his deucacy of touch is quite mar
velous."
"Ahl pianist7"
Plain Dealer.
Gaston-I tell you. old man. Miss Wat
kyns IS a mighty sensible girl-tne most
sensible girl, I think, I ever knew
Alphonse-I think you're right, my boy.
I wouldn't advise you to propose 10 nen'-
SomervilIe Journal.
.'The impudence Of that woman lecturer
sffouH stTackoy e R shes eaed US fellow
workers and she isn't in our set at all
Philadelphia Ledger
George proposed to me in such beautiful
language I wish you could have hearo
II did hear him. But he hadn't had as
much practice then. Fia4h
Dealer.
"The really rich are the only ones that
ought to put on airs. 49, -. .eearz
Not on your life! Anyone can 5,. a ar fi,e.
world. Detroit Free Press
DO you think that a strike will make
coal more expensive?" asked one house
Il don't know whether a strike viii do
it, answered the other. but something
will. ''-Washington Star.
I want to get a head of cabbage" said
the man who had been sent to market.
Large or small head2 asked the gro
ION. about "a" said the man, absent
mindedly.-Yonlkers Statesman.
Il allus predict good weather. said the
suburban sage
wei. if it is good. I get credit for It,
done my best-''-MinneapOiis Tribune.
yes. that's Burroughs He's an adept
at Constructing short stories,
You don't say! lie doesn't look inter-
ssf4e isn't. 7 mean. he can think up more
ways of telling you he's broke than any
other man 1 know-'-Cathoiic Standard
and Times
YES remarked the professor, Il rather
pride myself on the discovery OF anotner
= .fndeed, replied Mrs. Cumrox. a little
doubtfuiy. Il had an idea they were
quite extinct. Washington Star.
Boss-see here, every time you see
you call it a .. What's the matter with
stenographerNNo. sir; it's matter of
habit. l used to clerk in a ladies' shoe
STRAIGHTFORWARD Leader
Reporter would like to get some ex-
preston of opinion from you, Mr. Murger.
al to this concerted movement in the leg
islatures of certain states cutting down
the passenger tariffs to cents q mile
Railway Magnate-It looks. young man,
as if it were a deliberate scheme to de-
prive US Of the profit we expected to real
lie when we cut off the honorable mem
bers' passes.-Chicago Tribune.
Hicls-Nfy hair comes out in handfuls.
If il keeps on I'll soon be bald.
Wicks-Nonsense, if it keeps on you can
never be bald--Boston Transcript.
mo man is guilty until he is convicted.
You must remember that"
Yes. but this fellow is a member Of the
United States senate Chicago Record
Har-aId
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-04-10
JOURNAL ENTRIES

AS the time approaches when it will
be necessary to push a lawn mower it
does not seem half so fascinating a pas
time as 1t did some time ago when we
were shoveling snow.
This department understands that
there are any number of men around
town who can not meet on the street a
girl wearing a white carnation Without
starting suddenly at a guilty recollec-
ton.
Sweet spring appears to have really
come. but it is still the part of wisdom
to keep undergarments of considera BILE
weight wrapped about your person in
anticipation of a sudden drop in mer-
curry.
If the Rev. Mr. Dowie is so long on
miracles, why doesn't he pry a pocket
full of passes loose from the railroads
instead of telegra phing somebody to
pay for Pullman and send it around
to him?
Kubelik wears a muff on his fingers.
1t is to be hoped that Topeka's ball
players won't try to initiate Kubelilx
this summer.
What a lot of fun old Bill White
must be having these days! He has
got two congressman to jump on to him
within the last two weeks.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-04-10

THE sPEIT. R4NDER


"Of the present delegation from Kan
sas scarcely one can be considered a
real 'spellbinder.' Calderhead has Won
time and again in the face of the fiercest
opposition, yet he has absolutely no
claim to being an orator. Reeder always
wins, although he is far from being able
to stir mems blood Vic Murdoch made
his first campaign without making
single speech and he makes no preten-
sions to oratory. Congressman Scott.
while a pleasant and effective speaker,
lacks every element of the oratorica1
temperament Curtis has no more mag
netism than telegraph pole. Long is
no orator. Miller is simply a good talk
err Phil Campbell ranks higher than
any other member Of the Kansas dele
cation as spell binder. Burton is the
speaker Of the entire delegation, but
just now the people are not much in
terested in what he says. And yet Kan
sans are singularly susceptible to the
moving appear of their public men.
The man here. as elsewhere, who can
put the English language on dress pa
rade. who can Gull the flowers of rhe-
toric and group them for the delight of
an audience is always in demand in
every campaign and excites the admira-
ton and voeiferous applause of the diff
ferent conventions. lola Record.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-04-10
HoUsEcLEANING TIME.

It's h0usecleanin' time
An the old barn fur me,
Where the things are the same
As they all used to be-
No pictures nor tides
In this place abound.
No Home, Sweet Home notices
A-knockin' around
Here the spiders make webs
That remain year by year
An the dust to its home
Has a title that's clear;
An the sparrows near by,
Let EN- scold as they may
They can't bother me
As I sleep in the hay.
Home amt what it was
It's a horrible dream
A strange Transformation
Mid soapsuds an steam
An varnish an whiteWash
An chloride of lime
So it's me fur the barn
While it's housecleanin' time.
Washington Star.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-04-10
EROM OTHER PENS
JEROME AND THE JUDGES.


The insurance grafters and all con-
nected with them are probably rejoicing
at the row that has broken out between
Mr.. Jerome and several Of the New
York judges over the court procedure
in the insurance cases. It makes for
their benef1t. It Is certain still further
to confuse public sentiment on the
whole subject, and answer in some
charges. Conviction, although e7uilt is
SO clear would have been difficult IN
der any circumstances. Now it is ex-
treneIy problematical. Not only are
the accused men Of social, political and
financial influence, but the community
itself, from which the juries are to be
drawn, has witnessed so much grating.
and pardoned so much in politicians,
that these developments in the business
world are not the shockers they would
otherwise have been. And when we
consider that the legal talent that will
appear for the defense Is of the first or
der regret is increased that the states
attorney should not be at his best at
this washington Star.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-04-10
REFLECTIONS OF A BACHELOR
IRON the New York Press

From the New York Press
It would be easy to get rich II it was
IS useful as the smallpox
When a girl has nice white teeth. it's
funny how many things she finds to
smile at.
A girl wouldn't know half 50 much
Of the things she oughtn't to IL her
mother didn't try to have her know
less.
What wonau-likes about Christian
Science is the way It can make her
think she believes things she doesn't
Wher a mans shoes hurt him he
acts as II he was at his own funeral.
when it's a woman she makes You he
lieve the only thing needed to come.
p1ete her JOY would be to be dancinx.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-04-10
= ATatter Of Eoullibriunl.

Dr. Torrey, the English evangelist
who was recently conducting meetings
in the west, is a man of ready Wit.
which he uses with effect when inter-
rupted while speaking. On one occa-
sion in London bibulous fellow arose
and announced. waveringly, that he did
not believe everything IN the Bible
Il don't see how anybody can walk
on water" he declared. Can you do
it. Dr. Torrey?'
The preacher looked grimly at the
man for a moment, and then answered:
We'll, can walk on water better
than I can on rurn.''-Harper's Week
Is.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-04-10

If it turns out that there IS a Joker
concealed in the Hepburn bill and that
Il does not give the small shipper real
RELIEF from discrimination and unjust
rates. a tremendous wave Of public
sentiment In favor Of government own
ers1,ip. as indicated by the recent cleo
fions should be a warning to the rail-
road rnagnates not to thwart the will
OF the people in regard to rate regula-
zion
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-04-10
Avn ne Needed.

A number Of wall street men at
luncheon one day were discussing the
remarkable ability of a certain opera
tor in the street to weather any fnan-
cial storm.
Why" said one of the financiers,
that chaps a wonder. I don't know
how many times they've had him
against the wall, yet he always con-
trives to get away"
81 have heard it said" observed an
other, that Blank is resourcefuI
enough to make living on a desert
island"
Eyes, he could do that. too affirmed
the first speaker, eff there were an
other man on the island. ''-Harper's
Weekly.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-04-10

squire added another, joviallf.
The squire shook his head feebly.
'.He--he achieved it." he whisper
ed, his eyes on RaIph,s fine face, ''but
tit was he sighed YEARLY
1t was thrust upon YOU you mean,
squire p understandingly
The squire smiled grinly in acqi11es-
cence.-l Copyright, 1906, by z. c.
Parcells.)
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-04-10

Mr.. curtis says William Allen White
never published but one article that at
tracted attention and that was What's
the Matter With Kansas?" It is sus-
pected. however. that Senator Thomas
O. PIatt knows OF at least one other
article Of Mr. whites that attracted
-or-e attention
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-04-10

Russia. continues to be in hard
financial straits. Henry Cleyvs. the
New York banker. announces that the
Russian government is about to float
q. new loan OF s25o.ooO. zoe Paris
ana Germany will probably subscribe
10 1t, and possibly London, but no
New York money viii go into it. Yet
japanese bonds are now largely
sought. and even western investors are
purchasing them.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-04-10

Atchison county borders on both
.Douiphan and jackson. In Doniphan
thew believe that most of the Atchison
delegation is for Brewster for attorney
General. while Jackson county is sure
that all but one OF them are for Crane
Are the Atchison delegates liars or just
smart
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-04-10

The report comes across the Pacific
that General Macarthur is to be dec
GRATED by the milsa~o with the Order
OF the Rising Sun. A good many young
lAmericans receive an order for a rising
son along about o'clock every morn
ing now since it is time to do the spring
-----l~
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-04-10

The Smith county Republican con-
vention instructed its delegation to
pay their railroad fare to all conven-
tons. What a novel experience this
would be for J. r. Burrow, who is on
the Smith county delegation to the
state convention! AS Mr. Burrow lives
in Topeka. however, he will not have
any railroad fare to pay.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-04-10

Congressman Curtis intimates that
the editor of the Emporia Gazette
doesn't amount to much with the Amer
lean PEOPLE inasmuch as he never pub
ushed but one article that attracted
attention" Still. there are probably
Iseveral million people in the United
states who are familiar with the name
Of William Allen White but who do not
l.noru OF the existence Of Mr.. Curtis.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-04-10
ANOTHER REASON

It has been well said that the COVER
nor should not call an extra session Of
the legislature to pass an antipass law.
1t is about all the railroads can do to
furnish enough passes for the regular
session.-Smith County Pioneer.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-04-10
GREAT JOKE.

A young man in New York named
Larry Rogers startled the country one
morning recently with story about a
plot in that city to kill DIR. Parkhurst.
The young man told the district attor-
ney the story, and made affidavit to it.
Afterwards he confessed that he was
joking about it. The judge thought it
was such a good joke that he gave the
young man seven and a half years in
the penitentiary. In that time he can
probably study up another corking
good one.-Salina Journal.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-04-10

why Susan B. Anthony Never Married
Ida Hustled Harper. Miss Anthony
biographer, says: There was a prev
alent belief that Miss Anthony hated
men. It would not have been at all
strange if this were true. for never in
all history was a woman so misrepre-
scented, ridiculed, berated, and ma
.ligned as she was by men, publicly in
her early years and privately when
general sentiment would no longer
tolerate outspOken criticism. It
would have been most natural for her
to hate men. But she did not hate
them. For many of them, indeed, she
felt a profound contempt, and the
hypocritical compliments to herself
personally by those who were the
enemies of all that she stood for filled
her soul with WEAKNESS and disgust
But for men who were fair and broad
enough to recognize the justice of her
cause, and to treat it and its advo-
Gates with respect, she had the high
est appreciation; and for those who
reached a helping hand she felt the
deepest gratitude and friendship. AS
to herself marrying, Miss Anthony
often said to the writer: Any woman
will marry If the man she loves asks
her. I am no different from other
women Very few men came up to
her standard for a husband, and in
her young days the men who pro-
posed marriage had no attractions for
her. AS she grew older she was SO
completely absorbed in her work that
she did not have time to think of it.
.-Harper's Weekly.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-04-10

Senator EIkins did not really intend
"a be Governor Cummins' press agent
but he answered the purpose Just the
came
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-04-10

Having ousted Mayor Rose of kan
sas city, perhaps Governor Hoch and
Attorney General Coleman will now
do something about Wichita and
I.eavenworth.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-04-10

What is It in the human makeup any
how that viii make possible the success
of a man like Dowie2 How do you ex-
plain the fact that SO many intelligent
and good people have been deluded by
him? Has he ever done anything that
didn't mark him as a colossal fraud
and CRATER marion Record.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-04-10

This IS the day the biennial effort OF
the Sixth district politicians to beat one
w. p Reeder-sometimes known as
IRRIGATION BilT'-fails for the steenth
4fr1a
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-04-10
BooMING THE APPLE MARKET.

A prominent physician is quoted as
saying that the eating of apples curbs
the craving for strong drink and that
drunkards have been cured of their
infirmity by the habit of eating an ap
pie whenever the craving came on It
would take a powerful lot of apples to
cure some people we know in this part
of the country.-Clay Center Times.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-04-10

tits to be hoped that the divine saran
was fully as much pleased with hopsAs
as Topeka was with Bernhard.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-04-10
Cor nNE sAI.REAnY

Governor Hoch favors a movement
for the erection of a building in To-
peka to be used as permanent head
quarters for the Republicans of Kansas
and to be kept open the year round.
Now will some one please tell US what's
the matter with the state house p
Concordia Blade.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-04-10

There is this against Senator Long >
court review amendment to the rate
regulation bill: It has the approval OF
Foraker.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-04-10

Must be some connection between
vesuvius and that Caney gas well NO
sooner was the lid on the latter than
old Vesuvius began to vesuve some
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-04-10

After having reformed the spelling
Of the common citizen, Mr.. Carnegie
now desires to reunite the Coreys. AS
a strenuous endeavor Mr.. Carnegie has
Mr.. Roosevelt beaten to a frazzle.-
New York World.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-04-10
NOT up 70 ALLEGES

The royal wedding at Berlin does not
appear to have doomed so large as an
event of international interest as did
the recent republican wedding at Wash
ington.-Boston Transcript.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-04-10
RED HAIR AN ASSEM-.

Victor Murdoch IS expected to soon
announce his candidacy for the United
States senate. Mr. Murdoch Is red
headed, and that counts for a7iwhole lot
in Kansas politics.-Osborne Farmer.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-04-10

Now why did those Smith county Re
n,blfcans overlook the fact that Webb
NcNan is running for superintendent
of insurance?
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-04-10

Southern California is usually pray
ing for rain. but this spring Los An
veIes would ike to have the weather
faucets closed for a little while
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-04-10

Mr. Dowie appears to retain his nerve.
e,ss, IF he is a little short of cash with
which to pay his railroad fare.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-04-10
ALE THERE 49,

A Washington paper talks of starting
a popular vote to determine who Is the
meekest senator. The choice is believed
to lie between Snoot OF Utah and La
Toilette OF Wisconsin.-New York Mail.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-04-10
THE REAL CAusE.

The Democratic candidate for mayor
of Kansas City at the recent election is
q logical man, at least. He attributes
his defeat to the men who voted against
him, and says he has no fault to find
with those who voted for him.-Salina
Journal.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-04-10
HoT-AIR sTATEsMEN.

It appears to be an axiom regarding
public officials that the less deeds the
more words.-New York American.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-04-10

There is this good thing about the
coal strike: 1t will furnish material
for the Democrats to view with alarm
in their platforms this summer
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-04-10

The east also is beginning to wake
up to the evils of the free pas.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-04-10
ExTRAVAGANCE.

Vesuvius is reported to be active
again. What a waste of heat at this
season Of the year, with a coal strike on
hand here IN America--Springhe
Union.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-04-10
LETTING HIS LIGHT SHINE.

JOnn D ttOCkeIeIIsI iIaa auuSu q
searchlight to the equipment of his
Lakewood place. He believes in the
adnonition, Let your light so shine
before men.''-Balt fillmore Sun
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-04-10

According to Mr.. Carnegie no rich
man can be happy. H. H. Rogers
would probably be able to furnish strong
evidence in rebuttaI If something hor-
ribIe were to happen to the supreme
court Of AIissouri.-Chicago Record
Herald.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-04-10

The scandia Journal suggests this
iheory-perhaps q little overdrawn--
Why conditions continue as they are in
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-04-10
a sIIGGESTTON.

One way to induce women to vote
would be to Issue ballots in all the most
fashionable shades.-Baltimore Sun.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-04-10
The Swiss Rule Themselvee.

In highly interesting instalment of
Soldiers of the Common Good in the
April Everybody's. Charles Edward
Russell writes:
And another strange thing: in
Switzerland they have no idea that they
they are essentially idiots and must
have great men and superior and di-
vinely gifted intellects to rule them and
tell them what to do about their affairs.
They do not think much of ruling in
Switzerland, nor much Of the idea of
divinely gifted inteHects. All are great
men in Switzerland, and one is as great
and as divinely gifted as another. To
the Swiss mind the great men ere those
that do something in science or litera-
ture, like Agassiz or de Saussure; but
they have no particular fancy to be
ruled by anybody, however great. You
will find many an intelligent Swiss
that cannot tell you the name of the
president of Switzerland. He knows the
name of the president of the United
States. always, but he does not know
who is at the head of his own country
Not because the interest he takes in his
political affairs Is small for 1t is very
great; but because who may be presi-
dent Of Switzerland is not important
Whoever ne is. he amounts to nothing,
he effects nothing. he rules nothing.
The only rulers of Switzerland are the
Swiss people
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-04-10
The Greatest American Industry.


According to the latest United States
census, the manufacture of foods Eek
Guiding Hquors) leads all other manu-
featuring industries the value of the
annual output being $2,277.702,000 or
17.5 per cent of the total value of the
manufactured products of the United
States. This is $500, 100000 greater
than the value of the iron and steel In
dustry output 1t is a wonderful ex-
ample of the growth of factory meth
DDS IN an industry once (less than fifty
years ago) to a large extent domestic.
Regarding the expenditures for
food, we have but to take into consid-
GRAFTON the we'll known actual statis-
teal fact that nine-tenths of the peo-
pie of this and other lands spend from
so to 65 per cent of their income (estf-
mated for the great majority of Amer
lean families to be over $500 yearly)
for food alone, not including its pre-
paration for the table at that. DR.. Ed
ward Atkinson's estimate of $1.50 per
week, spent for food and drink for
each adult, is surely moderate enough
This, upon an adult population basis of
$4,000. 600, gives US a weekly ex-
penditure of $90,00O,00O, which in a
year would amount to the gigantic to-
tai of $4,680, 100000. Il is probably
an underestimate to say that $4,000
600, 600 is expended annually for food
and drink for our approximate 3d.
OoO,0 600 population. Take one very
small item alone. According to an esti-
mate made several years ago by the
American Baking Powder association.
we buy 100000 pounds of baking
powder per annum. at a cost of about
$35, 800. 900.
1t is an amazing fact that although
the cost of food makes up so large a
part of the cost of living and plays so
important a part in economic and So
Geological problems. the most intelH-
gent people know less concerning the
elementary facts Of foods, its compost
ton, sources, preparation for market.
nutritive value, adulteration, mis-
branding, etc. than almost any other
necessity of life-From Food Science
and the Pure-Food Question: by r.
.. Brooks, B. Sc. in the American
Monthly Review of Reviews for April.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-04-10

THE inpudence Of that woman lecturer
astounded me-" Indignantly exclaiiIneo
Mrs Struckoyle. 'sShe called us felloW
workers and she isn't in our set at all
Philadelphia Ledger