Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1906-06-09
GETTING RICH QUICK

The next time fall fnt0 ons u thoos
real beneYolent lsmme-ao-someth&ng- Tor
my-fealow-man humors, Tn going 20 ask
my relatives to put me away sosnswherc
under lock and key TN get over IT, said
Tire dlsgrHntled-lookfnx Citizen. who chained
| that the odor OF the police court. WHARF,
he'd just been as a witness. had so power
fully infpregnated his system that he never
| expected to get rid of 1t.
"You can call me the king of the fail
guys. the original come-on. the first of all
the Patsies and the main noise In the Rube
! line, and won't say word In the way
of comeback. I'm those, and all of 'ern.
| and worse.
/ Amy time fall to thinking that Tn
ono OF the smart fellows, something like
| this swings along and. while I'm applying
srnica and things to floating rib or two.
Tn compelled to make up my mind that
I'm not smart q teenchy little bit.
"The this that / 9llude to is a frowsy
little mess I'm now IN the middle OF. owing
| to my Willingness to accept fellow-board-
er In Washington boarding house at his
| own valuation and appraisal of himself.
He nudged along to the boarding house
| last October. with his wife. II he WASH {
the pink OF FEASIBILITY and the code letter
/ of con-ism. then I'm from Flanders. But
fell for the OIL he distributed all right
/ fell like busted flower pot on q second
| story window ledge.
He had made sundry and divers trips TO
South America. most particularly to the
| United States of Colombia and Ecuador,
and the paste he handed me about the
| concessions he had for gold and silver and
| emeralds and oil and nitrates and pho5-
| pilates and such little commodities down in
that part of the world, sure did make me
stretch my eyes SO that they could have
| been tapped OF with sticks. Had Just about
| gobbled up for his own use and profit con-
| cessions to pretty nigh everything that was
loose down near the equator. And, the
dickens Of 1t was. he had the papers to
| show that he had the concession to make
his flash with. The sight Of these real,
| sure-enough concession things. think. was
/ what snagged me. They were the solemn
! est and cutest-looking documents In the
Of all plastered over from beginning to end
| with the bulliest looking ornate Colombian
and Ecuadorian stamps and pieces OF cur
| rency. and seals and such junk-just like
| the KIND of documents that are reproduced
| in these novels that tell about buried
| treasure down on the Spanish main, and all
that sort OF thing. They made a sure
| thing hit with me. couldn't read EN-, OF
! course, but anybody with half an eye and
| with enough imagination to last him over
| night could see that they were concessions
| for stun worth up In the octillions.
| Trouble was, 30 the tall, oily duck with
the concessions told me-he used to drop
into my room at the boarding house often
| and tell me these wfnsome thngs-trouble
| was that he didn't know many people of
| means and standing In Washington to
| whom he might present his little plans for
annexinG most OF the visible wealth of
South America II he could meet up with
| such folks he wouldn't have the least bother
In the world in interesting them in these
| concession things, and then capital to
| work all Of the different gags would be Inn
mediately forthcoming. and then every
| body 'ud Immediately get rich as cream
| and have white yachts and things and
| oh, say, 1t was one Of those kind O. dreams
| that you have ON the day when you put
| your wife on the cars for little trip to
| her home, and when you have gone and
| inserted about eight highballs into your sy0-
tenn with no fear that anybody'u get a
| Whit Of your breath when you arrive home.
well. as I've lived in little old Washing
| ton most of my life it follows that know
| plenty Of respectable folks that've got a
| Few dollars or so put away. and SO told
| concessions that I'd Introduce him around
| He looked and acted all right His wife
| was on boarding-hou terms with my wife,
| and 1t seemed only chummy In me to take
| sight and Introduce him to folks of my
| acquaintance who might possibly want to
| become enormously rich ina few minutes
| or while they waited
| $50 I took him around. introduced him
| to gentlemen of my acquaintance who had
| all sorts and kinds and colors OF bank
| rolls and he set himself right away to
| winning en-. Told EN- all about his con-
| cessions without making the figures too
fabulous for human belief. and their eyes
| stuck out whole lot, too. over his
| recitaIs. Then he flashed his concessions,
| the sight of which, however. am bound to
4 say, really seemed to make smaller i'm
preston upon these keen, show-me. sound
! men Of business than they had made upon
| me-for what I don't know about business
would take a very large series of ponderous
| tonnes to unfold
Some of these men went into my fellow
| boarder's plans In very great detail. and 1
mr. a
| have fallen for considerable sums of in
vestigation and exploitation coin II the
| concessions hadn't had to do with alleged
properties located In such politically I'M
| stable countries as Colombia and Ecuador.
| The fear that revolutions in those countries
| might render the concessions more or less
| worthless was. now ascertain. the only
| thing that prevented a number OF my
1 friends to whom introduced the man from
| going deep into their pockets to start the
/ good things a-going.
We'll, as none of them responded readily
| enough to the South American concessions
| gag, my low-boarder began to manipu-
| late me. the prince of the come-on frater-
| nifty along new line. He had way of
| beating the stock market that would put
| all of the exchange brokerage houses, as
| well as the bucket shops out of business
| within about four days. He knew how to
| beat the old thing coming and going, and
| he showed NEON paper. Looked fine.
too-on paper One of those couldn't lose
| things. Now, I'd never bought or sold
share OF stock IN my lire, ana knew just
about as much about that game as l did
| about the silver question in Hindoostan-
1 but knew plenty of Washington men who
! were well acquainted with the game. One
| of these to whom / introduced my fellow
/ boarder came mighty close to putting up
| 5000 for him, wherewith to start wire
/ house which is sort of modified form of
bucket shop, on F street, and only the fact
| that no suitable offices could be found on
| that thoroughfare tagged that scheme. 70
others of the men to whom |. with my fine
and exclusive brand of assininity, intro
duced him, my fellow-boarder explained his
/ system of making James R Keene look like
| a piker that sure was all the eloquence and
| smoothness.
Just about this time however, some
| thing happened My fellow-boarder had
| run up a four months board bill on our
| landlady, and he had to get out. leaving
| his baggage behind on marshafs attach
ment This sort o. opened my eyes about
| the mani never by any chance do open
| my eyes till somebody fastens a cotton hook
| to the lids and pulls 'em open. felt sort
| o. glad that my friends hadn't fallen for
| his schemes and correspondingly sorry that
| I'd ever introduced him to them at all.
''Then, few days after his departure
| from the boarding house, 1 learned that.
| long before I'd met him, he'd got into a
| Wa shjnptau man one of nv friends for