Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1906-09-23

for It, before indulging in it? The more
| he wanted 1t. the more ecstatic was the
| Quenching of that internal thirst. He
wanted it. but 1t was better to want it
| more. Even the want Of 1t pleasur-
| able when he knew that he could satisfy
| that want when he chose. He felt sure,
| too, that in moderation 1t could do him
| no harm. One had to heal ones self by
degrees of habit of this kind. And then
| he remembered when he had last said that
| to himself, the day before that on which
| Lily and Maud had thrown his bottle away.
| That had been unwise move of theirs;
| he had fully intended to break himself
gradually Of the habit. but what they had
! done had brought hideous headache
the last, by the way, that he had had.
| OF course. he had to take the drug to re-
i lieve that. Otherwise he would not have
But now he had been without it for three
| weeks. That was immense gain But he
| wanted it now. Yes, now, there must be no
| waiting for his craving to get stronger.
That Instructive swallowing movement Of
| his throat and tongue had begun, and that
was always the signal he waited for. But
| he must still be cunning, he must prevent
I the possibility of suspicion conveying itself
| to Maud. That however, was not difficult.
1t was as easy as lying; just as easy, in
| fact: there was no difference whatever be-
big violet eyes just moist with tears, at her
mouth just trembling little with the feel
| ing that inspired her words and spoke
| without hesitation or bungling.
| Yes, l believe that he said Il am go
ing to God direct, as you say, l am not
| Christian Scientist, but 1 do believe in His
omnipotent power for good, so that nothing
| evil can exist in His presence. l should
| probably, you thought, have refused to
leave England II 1 had known why L was
being brought here. But 1 thank you for
| bringing me-.
| He paused a moment, wondering as by
| stander who knew his heart might wonder
at the profanity and wickedness of what he
| was saying. since all the time he was mere
1ty III ,yy,r hor- n
| der to be able to go to his cabin and be
alone to unlock the dispatch box. He real
| lied, too. that 1t would require greater
potency than quarter dose to enable him
/ to forget what he had just said and slide
| blissfully off into that state of conscious
| ness which alone was worthy Of the name
| Of life. Half dose surely would not hurt
him; half dose. that is to say, of the big
ger doses which he had prescribed for him
| self. There was, too, little more to be
said yet. Incomplete lying was ever tao
teal error. And his brain. flaming with
desire. should make his next words abso-
lutely convincing to his sister.
Sir James is a very clever doctor, no
| doubt" he said but he certainly made a
mistake when he thought my will power
| was dead, something to that effect. am
glad he said it, and am glad you told me,
because that sort of opinion acts as ton
| ic. 1 will show him If it is dead. And did
| he really suppose l should consent to go to
sea for week without opium, If did not
mean to be cured in spite Of him7"
| The desire was inf1aming his brain more
| and more every moment, making it super
| naturally cunning. He detected possible
| error in those last words; he had protested
| q little too much. But that again was easi-
| ly rectified.
| II shouldn't have said in spite of him."
| he said, because that makes 1T appear as II
| l thought that, having given 1t up, he didn't
| wish me to get well. But, my goodness,
| how his prescription of sea air Ia acting al
| ready / was log when / started and
| now, Maud. am not / different? And about
| your fear that l shouldn't have come If
| had known what our ultimate goal Is, am
| more than reconciled to 1t. l am impatient
] to get there So we have finished our talk,
| have we not? 1 have said all l wish to
| say. Ny recovery, II l am to recover, is
| left in other hands, the best, the only ones.
| l can only say that with all the power of
! will that Is in me, I elect to leave myself
| there. And If that is not to be- you may
know that, though too late, 1 was willing"
| Again he wondered at his wickedness,
but did not regret it. 1t was SO vastly more
| important than anything else to be able to
get to his cabin without Maud following
him. or being suspicious in any. way. He
could evoke his visions almost at will, and
now he wanted to the sky, he had
seen 1t up In Caithness, covered with blue
acanthus leaves, with the stars dewdrops
upon them and the big sun golden center
of blue flower. Nor did Maud's words
shake his desire, solemn though they were.
They just went by him like breeze past
a well-built house
"Oh, thank God, Thurso, thank God!" she