The comet. (Johnson City, Tenn.) 1884-1916, 1906-01-11
COMMERCIAL APPEAL NOTES.


Not having any socks, Cy Lyle had
10 tie string around pant and hang
i up.
Coke Old Boy has done his "damed-
est and he is already headed for the
aue.
John I. Cox should apply to the
legislature to change his record as a
baok-tax collector.
Cy Lyle seems to think that if the
crucihxion had taken place in our day
John l, Cox would have been "among
those present"
The Cox organs are trying mighty
hard to square the governors record
with the facts, but tall and ornamental
lying never did succeed.
We have been named as correspon-
dent in a divorce suit, and the ladies
are all speaking very pleasantly to
us. -Hardeman Free Press. ....
Wonder if Cox expects to carry Ten
nessee as he carried Wilson county?
If he succeeds, the next governor of
the state will be Republican.
We got water wagon and six dip
pers in our. Christmas stocking, but
nothing to fill them with. We have
gone down to Memphis to repare the
oversight. -Hardema Free Press.
The effort to kidnap us has failed,
aud we know who it was that got uI
the conspiracy. 1t was that deep-dyed
vilyun, Cy Lyle, who wanted us to
pay a big ransom fer the restoration Of
our thirst. -Hardeman Fress.
We went down to Memphis yesterday
armed with tie following sirtifkate
81. r. Reaves, aged 81; height feet
weigt $3.50; complexion horid; condition
sober until further notice." But the.
said we WIS loaded and wouldn't let u
in. So we had to come home on tn
hog train. -Hardeman Free Press.
Memphis sure do grow We lear
frum some of our reform friends tina
three new palatial gambling bells ar
to be opened there as soon as reform
} firm in the saddle, and we have a
invite to be present at the opening
and preside as the deus ex-machiner
at the punch tureen. Hardeman Ere
Press.
We have been witness in the circu
court this week as an expert to decid
| whether beer was intoxicating or no
9 We testified that we had drunk cas-
of Anheuser- Busch in a day withol
any bad effects, but of course if ma
wanted to make hog of hissel
it might be intoxicating. -Hardema
e Free Press.
: We got up the other night to git
s drink, and by mistake we drinked
= half pint of close cleaner. The your
man at the drug store told us it woul
have bin fatal but for the alcohol
our symptom, which he said were
anecdote. This amt the first time oil
habits have saved our life. Hard
man Free Press.
n Memphis sure do grow, or our ey
sight was much impaired by the trea
f. ment we took in that town enduring
4 the holidays. 1t is true that MAJ
i street is no longer straight and
q looked to us like corkscrew, but v
give our solum word that there warn
v a building on it last Monday night tn
q was less'n seventeen stories high
q Hardeman Free Press.
While we was to Memphis the 9th,
Iday, some of the opposition come to |
y land asst us to allow the use of our nan
. as candidate fer the Board of Publ
+ Works. We toIe them that we wal
i not a citizen of Memphis, but the
= said it didn't matter, they would ele
/ us any how and give us bond fer OF
) election expenses. Well, we alwa.
= use Memphis fer our jag purposes, al
5 if the mass convention wants us, v
will run. -Hardeman Free Press.
/, We have decided to announce curse
!. candidate fer guvnor of, Tennessee
8 and we will make our opening adore
/. in the metz olopus of the state as SOC
as somebody hires us o hall. We don
d mind stain in advance that we air
Y favor of the awrorer borealous, the in
Q morality of the soul, the resurrectic
y of the dead, the doxology, the Rule
!, Three, the Declaration of Indepel
q dence,. the Magner Charter and. II
habus corpus We air speshially
favor of allowing the free and unlimite
use of Ticker, in towns Of over 25,0
: inhabitants, towns of under 20, 900 il
D habitants, and towns all around %, o.
q Inhabitants. Hardeman Free Press.
Talking about your hard luck tale
we have got the worst yet. On accout
of our stand agin Ticker, we pasted II
: word Ink" in big letters on our otiiC
Jug, and last week we hired a ne
pressman That fool niger didn't d
thing bnt empty all that good lickt
ION the roller, thinking it was ink. A
soon as we seen what had been don,