Aberdeen herald. [volume] (Aberdeen, Chehalis County, W.T.) 1886-1917, 1906-03-05

BeSS-t'n. YES. l'apa says he owes
everybody. -Judgc
Ostend Say. pa. how do they raise
"poltical plrmS:" Pa-By grating,
my son.-Chicago Daily News.
Gotham-Betwccn twelve o'clock and
five minutes later. Yonkcrs States
man.
Icast-Did he fail to make Il sue
cess of business? Crimsonbcak Yes.
] believe that is why he failed. -Ionk-
cr> Statesman.
Ncll--Old Mr.. Gotrox says he would
die for me. Rcllc-I,c careful. lie
may he stronger than he looks. -phia-
dclpha Record.
DE man dat thinks he knows ii all.
said Uncle Eben. GENERALLY turns out
t" be Il victim of misplaced confidence.
Washington Star.
First Ncrnifor1n Appendix People
are trying to get rid of us. Second
Nermiform Appendix Yes: but we are
still in the ma iurity. Exchange
Kind Friend Pardon me. but |
ought TO tell You that jones has run
away with your wife. Husband
'borcdD but why run Punch.
I'm Sweden II pllnnhcr is called II
misunderstanding lie is. on :
I'll bet he charges for the time while
he Is being called ii. too. --EXchange.
Bclla-So she's engaged at last. She
seems likely to beat us all in the mat
rimOnial race. Stella Yes she is ON
her last lap this time Illustrated
Bits.
Katc-MilIic says Jack tried I" kiss
her and she called him down hard :.
DO You believe it: Toni believe that
he tried To kiss her. yes .-nctroit Free
Press.
Peppcry-Iou don't mean to say
that You absolutely do nothing: Chnlly
-Aw. ] don't even do that. My man
attends To rv'wything, you know
Philadelphia Press.
Iat-This is II great country, Mary
Ann. Mary Ann-IIow's that: Pat
Shurc tn pa-apers sen ycZ can buy Il
foivc-dollar money order for three
Washington Life.
Waitcr--IIow did you order your
beef, sir? Glltllcigh -I'erSonally. con-
found yon l suppose ought t" have
ordered 1t by mail two weeks in adj
vance Cleveland Plain Dealer.
Customer Gin restaurant Waiter. l
wish You would bring me medium
done poricrhouse steak sinotliercd III
mushrooms. Waiter (to cook )-Chokc
one with the toadstools Milwaukee,
Sentinel.
moss" quoted the man who had never
been outside his home county. True.
rcjoincd the globe trotlcr. but it ac-
aulres an enviahle polish. '-t'hirasu
Daily News.
Brown claims to have the most re-
markahlc auto IN town. "Nhy so: |
don't see anything great about 1t.
well, he says he's had it year. ana
there are still two Of the original
parts left. Judge.
The Lawycr-Hy the way. what
shall we charge jerks for our services
in that ease we won for him: About
thirty thousand: His Partncr-Grrat
Scott, man. Isn't h" worth more than
that Brooklyn Life.
Gentleman With Grievance-This
auto breaks down every ten minutes.
conscientious Dcalcr-What OF II:
Gentleman With Grievance--l"u said
there were none better. conscientious
Dealer-There amt .--puck.
"Oh. Johnny" said the Sunday
school ,rachcr. won mustn't take
money from the plate. Why dih You
try TO do such II thing: 81 Thought
vu, said il was fer the heather. ana
nav SAWS I'm une-EXchange
First American Millionaire What in
tlIe world are you going over I" So" All
the English cathrdrals for: Second
American Millionaire-l'm putting up
an automobile stable. and I'm looking
FOR something handsome in dcsign.-
Life.
"Woodby declares his grandfather
descended from ohc.of III" greatest
houses In England" "Ah. yes: dld
hear "A story about the old man fall
ing OF n roof he was repairing once
for Lord Somebody or other. lhila-
lelphia Ledger.
Farmer Green Say. \cislibor Jones
raised such Il big pumpkin that he cut
it I'm half and made two cradles out
uf It for his twins. city Hoarder-
That's nothing Down in the city W."
often have three cops asleep ON II
single beat.--F.Xchange
Il suppose you will marry when YOU
grow up." said the visitor. pleasantly.
No" rcplied the thoughtful it'll" girl.
mamma says papa is more care than
tho children, 80 | guess the care of my
children will he enough for me without
the caro- Of n husband. "-t'h icago
Evening Post.
paticncp-I You're quite lame to-day?
patrirc-Yes Will stood on my foot
for two minutes last night. Patience
And Won allowed it: Patricc-l didn't
know it. l'aticncc-bidn't know he
was standing on your foot: 'atrice-
No. | didn't. lie was proposing At the
time.-Yonkers statesman.
Pa" said little Willie. what is the
difference between magnet and a
magnate:" "A magnet. Willie. is Il me
tallic substance. generally OF IRON
which will attract certain metals. but
not gold or silver. \ magnate is me
tallic substance. invariably Of brass.
which will attract gold and silver