davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Topeka state journal., 1906-04-25
tie contribution toward your housekeep.

little contribution toward your housekeep-
ing"
''Oh, that's the best part of it" cried
bride, groom and both old women at once.
The agent IS going to get the landlord to
take out the partition between our flats
ana make one big one, and we are all go
ing TO live here. and we can have the
same rooms for studios SO we can go right
with our work. Aren't you glad? 1t was
you who brought US together and now we
can stay right here with you
Somehow the two old gentlemen got up
their own flight of stairs when the
awful evening was done Silently they
stood in the hall and looked at each other
while their wives laughed heartily. Then
without one word they opened the doors
and disappeared within their own apart
ments.-(Copyrigh 1906 by NJ NJ Cum
ing ham,
The Topeka state journal., 1906-04-25
QUAKER REFLECTIONS.
[From the Philadelphia Record. !

[From the Philadelphia Record.l
Love will find way. even in the
dark
If powder won't remove freckles why
not try dynamite?
The poetry of motion must be the
kind that goes the rounds.
one half the world is tickIed to death
that the other half doesn't know how it
lives
If our enemy smite US on one cheek
our future action is governed largely
by his size.
The theory that two can live is cheap
" as one is responsible for many an
unhappy marriage.
Hoax There's one trust that has
gone to the WALL Joax--.W What't that?'
Hoax-''The Wall Paper Trust
Nell-"She's the most modest girl I
ever heard Of. Believes: she blush
es if man even mentions a garter
snake"
In buying ashorse a woman is gen
orally able to drive bargain. even
though she may not be able to drive
the horse.
To the living skeleton 1t always seems
as though the fat woman ought to have
his share Of the Ills that flesh is heir
to.
When a woman has presentiment
that something terrible is going to hap
pen, and it doesn't, she is dreadfully put
out about it.
Wigg-"Since Bjones married that
strong minded widow he's been in a
peck of trouble" Wagg-"Yes; you
might say hen-peck''
BIobbs--Is the population Of Lon
don more dense than that of New
York;" Slobbs-"Sure Didn't you ever
try to tell an Englishman a joker
The Topeka state journal., 1906-04-25
JOURNAL ENTRIES

Perhaps the excuse some of the dele
gates to the Republican state conven-
ton will put up for coming on passes
is that they want to see what the hor-
rible things are like SO they can avoid
them in the future
This outdoor life is all right theoreti-
cally but you would probably have diffi-
Guilty in showing its beauties to san
Francisco people just now.
This department does not claim to be
an expert in the matter, but as near as
we can judge the White Sox appear to
be neatly darned and ready for busi-
ness.
This San Francisco disaster gives the
western man another chance to brag.
Even in acquiring disasters the west
always breaks the record and leads.
The Topeka state journal., 1906-04-25

Two Americans who we're travelling
in England made a devout pilgrimage
to Stratford- -on-Avon, and spent sew
eral days wandering about the neigh
borhood. One day they met a coun-
tryman. and, pausing, one of the pill
grirns said
my friend, envy you your life
here amid the fields that knew the
Great Poets youth What sublime
thoughts must come to you as you
tread the paths his feet trod ?"
The rustic simply stared, and the
"A American demanded if he knew Of
whom he was speaking. receiving a
prompt negative.
Why. Of Shakespeare, man. You
must know of himi' the pilgrim ex-
planned. stricken with horror
After some coaxing the man finally
admitted that had heard Of Shakes
peare. and believed that he had
write for summat-'
And have you any idea for what
he wrote-was it the Times7" the
American inquired with infinite sar-
casm.
"Oh, it warn't the Lunnon paper"
the man said. II know it was summat
solemn ike. I think it was the Bible.
belike. ''-Harper's Weekly.
The Topeka state journal., 1906-04-25
GLOBE SIGHTS.
[From the Atchlgon Globe.l

From the Atchison Globe.
Real young girls and real old girls
think an engagement is just as sacred
as a marriage.
We would hate to be a preacher and
have to preach against a whole lot of
new clothes.
There is always a suspicion that a
man who plays with the cat, probably
has to wash the dishes.
Nothing would make US more mad
than to be a town that a train goes
through without stopping
When a farmers wife cr1ticises her
husband, one way is to say, He is
mighty late gettin at his plowing''
It is very easy to carry Reform to
the extent Of abusing worthy, honest
useful men. Don't engage in that
kind.
carrying officials the same month that
the pay of section hands has been re-
duced.
Some men are so ornery that the
only thing they suggest, when you
meet them, is to ask them for a chew
of tobacco.
When d mother scolds her son and
her SO mad that she forgets the boy
and goes after the father
The public wouldn't know what wo-
men some men married If it didn't
occasionally see the husbands and their
wives together at funerals.
When a man takes sufficient inter-
est in another woman's attire to be
able to tell his wife about it, then's
the time when he never tells.
Speaking Of hard tasks, there is that
Of the college man who tries to i'm
press an outsider with the Importance
Of his Greek letter society.
Another funny habit women have:
When they look uncomfortable. and
you ask them what is the trouble, they
say, Nothing" and burst into tears
A bride may long for handsome china.
but in q few years when the children
come and the work multipIies, she
wonders why some one doesn't invent
cheap wooden dishes that can be
burned after a meal.
The Topeka state journal., 1906-04-25
4HE IRoN RRIGAnE-

IAnother old hunting comrade of the
president is to have a Federal position
IN Montana--Daily Paper.]
In Oklahoma lives a man.
a quite engaging sort of chap
Who for his office never ran
And yet fell right in Fortunes lap.
The winning cards all seemed to fall
HIS way when Mistress Fortune dealt,
He did not have to work at all
He used to hunt with Roosevelt.
In Arizona there is one
I .Qntte worthy man. a marshal now.
1 think who never had to run
10 get the garland for his brow.
tor When the tree of pluns was stirred
ana fnarshalships and things were dealt,
lie did not have to say word
He used TO ride with Roosevelt.
And in Montana's mountains far
4 mere IS another appointee
w nose planet was a lucky star.
AT least as far as stars can be;
FOR all unknown to him it came
commission, garter, star or belt
ana ms eood fortune was the same
he used to scout with Roosevelt
And up in Names deep woods there lives
AnoIher man, as I have heard,
= WloHl the juicy plum tree gives
us luscious fruit when it is stirred
MOI ever at the party shrine
In supplication once he knelt
lie drank a deeper. better wine
he USED 10 trap with Roosevelt.
All, me. the much as I might like
To be a knight, esquire. or page.
rear the lightning will rot strike
IN my secluded hermitase
W nat wonder that my grief is keen
ana All my woes in tears do '1elt?
Ihe taltsman was unforeseen
never rode with Roosevelt
u ". Foley in the N Y Times.
The Topeka state journal., 1906-04-25
Waifinr His Tnr1l.

A lady in a small Alabama town had
occasion to call at the cabin of her
washerwoman, Aunt Betsy. says Sue
cess Magazine. While waiting for the
article she sought to be found. she OBJ
served a woolly head which appeared
from under the edge of the bed, and
asked:
+ rs that one of your children, Aunt
Betsy p
"Deed an It's. honey" was the reply.
'fWhat is its name?"
Dat chile amt got no name yet,
Miss Rosa" Aunt Betsy said.
why, 1t must be FIVE or six years
old: surely it ought to have a name at
that age" the lady said.
Aunt Betsy nodded.
"Dat done worried me whole lot,
honey, it sho' has" she said But
whut All gwine do? My ole man, he
done used up all the good names on de
dawgs. an now dat chile des halter
wait twel1 one oh dem die. so he can
git his name"
The Topeka state journal., 1906-04-25
WAsHINGToN's PROBLEM.


Congress has its little as well as 4ts
big troubles Just at present one oI
the most annoying of the former KIND
Is the slum conditions in the national
capital, which congress has found
necessary to place in the hands OF q
committee. It is an extraordinary
municipal problem. The monumental
buildings of the national government
I'LL the eye of the visitor, but tucked
away out of his sight are novels COW
ering misery and degradation as pit
liable and dangerous as can be found IN
The residents do nothing toward
abolishing the evil because they are not
citizens in the real sense-they can not
vote.
Washington is unlike any other
great city in the world. 1t is part of
a government reservation which IS
governed by committee of represen-
tatives in congress and a committee of
senators. The people who live there
permanently pay their taxes but have
no voice regarding public expenditures.
The result is that they are wholly
apathetic toward municipal affairs.
Tradition and public opinion are op-
posed to converting Washington, even
to slight degree. into a manufactur-
ing city. The District of Colum bia
authorities may find many ways to
discourage manufacturers. Employ
ment, therefore, is not easy to obtain.
But Washington IS the Mecca of the
southern negroes and they go there in
droves. 1t is not difficult to perceive
the causes of the sIum conditions
Wichita Eagle.
The Topeka state journal., 1906-04-25
REFLECTIONS or A BACHELOR

IFrom the New York Press.I
It is easy not to do a thing to excess
II you don't like it.
No matter how much a boy hates
castor oil it is over good deal quicker
than school.
When boy wakes up sick in the
morning It Is a sign that it is not a
holiday from school
It's terribly exciting to try to kiss a
girl you would miss unless her lips got
IN your way while you were missing Il.
A woman likes to believe her hus-
band is a good man just as she is bound
to think he wouldn't be If Il weren't
for her influence.
The Topeka state journal., 1906-04-25
A QUESTION or sTyCERTTY.

It is to be hoped that these anti
pass resolutions that have been adopt
ed by the various Republican county
conventions over the state will not be
treated as mere buncombe by the dele
gates to the state convention. There
are doubtless more important matters
for the state convention to consider,
but the people Of Kansas are against
the pass, and it viii not set well with
them. after they have declared them
selves on a subject, TO have the state
convention ignore their action.
The conventions IN Smith and Jewell
counties instructed their delegates to
all conventions to refuse passes, but it
is pretty well settled that all but two
from each county paid no fare to go
to the congressional convention. Those
four men who paid their own way are
entitled to due honor for doing so, but
the balance-the big end of each dele
gation-treated the Instructions of the
conventions that elected them as g joke
The only defense that has been made
for their action IS that the railroad
question was in no way an issue in the
congressional convention; that Con-
gresham Reeder, for whom they had
to vote, rides on passes and II anyone
were eensured for the pass business it
should have been Mr.. Reeder. What
do you think Of that for an excuse?
If the state convention evinces a
disposition to ignore the declarations
of the county conventions. the rank and
file will get the idea that the Republi-
can leaders are insincere in their op-
position to the railroads. and they will
act accordingly.
The Topeka state journal., 1906-04-25
POINTED PARAGRAPHS.
IFrom the Chicago News.I

IFrom the Chicago News.I
You can't do much for man who is
easy to do.
Overcautious men always look before
they creep
One doesn't have to look for trouble
in order to find 1t.
The early gardener catches the cream
of the green-goods trade.
It you would strike a man favorably
don't aim at his pocket book.
Many a mans credit is good only he
cause it is in his wife's name.
Eliminate political ignorance and
there would be no political bosses.
When a barber has occasion to fatter
a baldheaded man he asks him if he
doesn't want a haircut.
.'Once upon time" is a familiar be-
ginning for fairy stories. and after a
man has been once upon a time" he
begins to tell them to his wife.
The Topeka state journal., 1906-04-25

Here is another evil resulting from
mob law: It develops that the negroes
lynehed at Springfield. No, were not
the ones who committed the crime with
which they were charged. The crime
of the mob has so completely overshad-
owed that other crime that it is lost
sight of. and probably the real criminals
will never be known. The avowed OBJ
5ect OF the mob was to mete a terrible
punishment upon those who committed
that crime, but the mob has succeeded
o. defeating the very object it was try
The Topeka state journal., 1906-04-25
She Got the Wrong Garment.

"Oh. it was awful-awful' said the
girl with the bright brown eyes. "At
the same time it was screamingly fun
ny-and yet I want to shed tears of
modification every time I think about
it.
'It happened at the Van Atlas affair
the other night. The Van Atlas are
rather exclusive people. you know. and
J fairly thrilled with delight when I
read their invitation. The night of the
affair I spent hours getting ready.
put on my prettiest gown. of course.
and prinked and preened as I had
never done before. When everything
was at last complete I surveyed myself
in the mirror. And If I do say it my
self. was radiant The excitement Of
anticipation had given my cheeks
glow and my eyes a sparkle that
felt would fetch the first man that saw
me.
''As entered the crowded reception
room in the big mansion that night I
drew from my shoulders a little white
silk scarf I had snatched up from
corner as I left my room, and handed
it out to the maid. I saw a young
man standing near the doorway look
at the scarf and then at me with a
rather queer expression in his eyes. At
the same time I noticed that the face of
the girl he was talking to was frozen
with horror. In surprise I glanced at
the scarf as the maid stepped up to
take it. and-Oh-oh-oh what do
you suppose I was holding out by one
sleeve? A gauze undervest!" - New
York Press.
The Topeka state journal., 1906-04-25

It is noticeable that the muck in
variably assert that the man with the
rake is a bad individual. and it points
to the presidents speech as a vindica-
tion Of itself-but it is pretty hard to
ind the vindication.
The Topeka state journal., 1906-04-25

Fred Trigg suggests that General
Funston ought to clip some of the
things the newspapers are now printing
about him out and paste them in ascrap
book. The time may come when some
skeptie will rise up and assert that
Funston wasn't in san Francisco after
the earthquake.
The Topeka state journal., 1906-04-25

"An that is visible of statehood now"
comments the Sedan Times-star as it
shades its eyes ana looks earnestly off
into the distance. '.is the cloud Of dust
way down he track"
The Topeka state journal., 1906-04-25

mo European reformer considers his
work quite complete. saysan exchange,
until he has come over to America
and been lionized for awhile" But
Gorly isn't being lionized. Gorky is a
long ways from being a lion.
The Topeka state journal., 1906-04-25

FRANCHISE OF THE NEGRO.

The negro can not be disfranehised.
In the states with the grandfather
clauses in full operation thousands Of
negroes are qualifying for the fran
chises. They vote now when it suits the
bosses. After a while they and thous-
ands more will vote whether the bosses
like it or not The one way to secure
the perpetuation of white supremacy is
to follow the constitution and by edu-
cation give the white man that leader
ship 1t is sure to mpart-Louisvill
Herald.
The Topeka state journal., 1906-04-25

There appears to be a disposition on
the part Of san Francisco to "cut OUT
Chinatown in making the plans for re-
building the city. That is proper. At
the same lime adequate provision
should be made for the Chinese. but
they should be encouraged to scatter
and to become really Americans.
The Topeka state journal., 1906-04-25

Chauncey NJ. Depew has been re-
elected as a director of the New York
Central The fact that he is g. United
States sena or does not disqualify him
for a job as railroad director.
The Topeka state journal., 1906-04-25
REMovE THE TARIFF.

The Republican party processes to
be in favor Of tying q can to the tail
of every trust. The party also claims
to be in favor of preserving the for
ests. In view of these facts why is it
that the bill to remove the tariff from
wood pulp and from print paper rests
so quietly in pigeon hole in congress?
The removal of the tariff from wood
pulp and print paper would help
nightly in tanning the paper trust and
it would also go a long way toward
saving our forests. The lumber men
take only the good timber, while the
wood pulp trust takes everything clean.
The paper trust Is one of the most in
satiate combines doing business in this
country and should be curbed. Will
a Republican congress do the work
We should like to know how the Kan
sas delegation in congress stands on
ne question Of removing the tariff
on these articles.-Mankato Advocate.
The Topeka state journal., 1906-04-25
SANTA CLAUS FUNSTON.

The TACT that order has been brought
out of chaos in San Francisco in so
short a time. and that the hungry are
all being fed and the needy are being
clothed. may be attributed to the fact
that the people had a heart to give
and that General Funston knew how
to distribute the gifts.-Salina Jour
nal.
The Topeka state journal., 1906-04-25

Wine is pretty good, notwithstand-
ing the opinions of the prohibftionists.
Some Italians used five hundred gallons
of It to put out the fire in San Francisco
and saved a lot of property.
The Topeka state journal., 1906-04-25

Trouble quickly brings sympathy. In
prosperity there is q strong rivalry be-
tween san Francisco and Los Angeles.
but when trouble came to the former
It was Los Angeles that rendered the
quickest aid. And it has not only oo-
ened it's homes and freely sheltered
thousands OF san Francisco refugees
but 1t stopped its own business and
devoted practically its whole attention
TO raising funds and forwarding food.
mediciIlas. physicians and nurses to the
stricken city.
The Topeka state journal., 1906-04-25

Perhaps we should not be too hard
on Mr.. Gorky. He had heard of this
as a land of liberty, and evidently
his ideas of his liberty is to desert his
wife ana children and go of with an
actress
The Topeka state journal., 1906-04-25

The delegates from Pratt county to
the Republican state convention were
instructed to refuse railroad passes,
but their fare viii be paid by the
shippers association Of Pratt county.
ISN'T this just as bad in principle as
accepting transportation from the rail-
road companies? The redeeming fea-
ture Of it is that the shippers associa-
ton is local in Pratt county and IS in
cluded among those whom the Pratt
county DELEGATES represent.
The Topeka state journal., 1906-04-25
MODERN ORATORY.

Instead of retrograding, as so many
people fear, oratory has progressed.
The modern statesman may not be con-
tent with making a speech. He must
be able to deliver a sermon.-Washing
ton Star.
The Topeka state journal., 1906-04-25

The Gaylord Sentinel subscribes to
the belief that the farmer who gets
enthusiastic over good roads viii ac-
complish more good for the public than
the one who enthuses over politics and
who absorbs all the political buncombe
that comes to his notice. And it's a good
The Topeka state journal., 1906-04-25

Judging from the reports that are
coming in concerning contributions to
the aid fund, this country is full Of
good samaritans.
The Topeka state journal., 1906-04-25

THE Lord loveth cheerful siver. -
especially when it comes to aiding dis
tress like that in san Francisco.
The Topeka state journal., 1906-04-25

ing to accomplish. Had it not been for
the mob very likely the real criminals
would have been apprehended and pun
fsheS
The Topeka state journal., 1906-04-25

+ Cuba also appears to be attractive to
Immigrants. FIfty-fve thousand land
ed on the island last year. It is evil
dent that Cuba has a good press agent.
The Topeka state journal., 1906-04-25

There is one compensation to the ig-
norant in this new spelling reform. and
it is that after awhile It viii be impossi-
bic to tell an educated from an unedu-
Gated man by his spelling.-Philadel-
.phia Press.
The Topeka state journal., 1906-04-25
,HUMOR or THE DAY

Stranger-How long since you made an
Constable HI Medder-Quite a consid-
yrable spell I'm goin' leetle slow bout
haulin EN- in just now. We amt go no
place to put 'en ceptin Cy Teddsr's
on.-Cleveland Plain Dealer
ATary-We ave mathis at our church.
Friend-That's nothing; We ave limo
ieum up the aisle and they burn insects
at both serviees.-London News.
7 suppose" said Mrs Jawbaclx, that
you think it's fun for me 10 sit UP and
wait for you every night Ike this; -
ing my fun while you're waiting. You
have yours when get one."-Cleveland
Leader
Did you read about the girl who shot a
''fhe fellow the police said 'bled like
horse'?.'
Il Il have a theory about that"
she Shot nightmare Philadelphia
Ledger.
Friend-I hear you bought ore Of the
heaviest automobiles in the show. Don't
you think those great machines are terri
Mrs. Sparkingplug-N indeed; I think
it's far more merciful to kill people in
stantly than to mangle them as those light
machines do.-Chicago News
HIN. Starvation. 1 presume. Judge.
The Man dn the street car)-Take my
The Woman-Thanlz you. but also get
out at the next corner.-Chicago News.
What do you think of the new board of
I think it's about a tie. Half of them
look capable of anything and the other
half look capable of nothing. Milwaukee
Sentinel.
Cant 1 sell you a painless corn cure.
madam said the peddler
NO. you can'ti" snapped the woman Of
the house. I have no painless cOrnsr
Then the door was shut with a sudden
slam--Chicago Tribune.
Csussy (whose horse has caused consider
able trouble during the day A hard-run
fox has taken refuge in a tree)-By jove
/ wish l had my revolver.
NJ. +. H.-To shoot yourself or your
horse, sir?-Punch.
What is your opinion on this ques-
tion2" asked the friend
Let US understand each other" rejoin-
ed Senator Sorghum; do YOU want my
opinion, or do you want to know how I'm
going to vote? Washington Star
7 dug this wei myself. said the Ohio
man, proudly. 1T is 20 feet deep
WHAT exclaimed the gentleman from
Kentucky. DO you mean to tell me you
were loOny enough to do all that work for
the sake of getting er?'-Chicago
News
Mrs Malaprop-AIy husband is just era
~ since the fishin' season opened. He
can't think or talk of anything else
Mrs. Malaprop1 should say so. He's .
regular ang1omaniac.-Ph Philadelphia Press
The Topeka state journal., 1906-04-25
COCO ADVICE.

Clean up the street in front Of your
residence or place of business and your
neighbor will do likewise. There is
nothing more truer than the old adage.
'One improvement begets another. -
Memphis News -Scimitar.
The Topeka state journal., 1906-04-25
KANSzS CONAENT


To the casual observer who knows
nothing of Art, the advertisement on
the back of the May Ladies Home
Journal has the cover design beaten
to a frazzle.=Atchison Globe.
The Topeka state journal., 1906-04-25
po some III THINKING.

The chances are that hereafter Cur
It's will think about twelve times be-
fore he begins to roast William Allen
White again.-Dickinson County News.
The Topeka state journal., 1906-04-25

II It is in order we would like to
inquire what has become Of the rate
bill in the meantime?
The Topeka state journal., 1906-04-25

Where by the way, was wireless
felegraphy during the San Francisco
horr0r9
The Topeka state journal., 1906-04-25
NECESSARY" DELAY.

Senator Aldrich says the ants will
ask no unnecessary delay on the rate
bill. All, what Is their idea of neces-
sary delay y7-Chicago Record Herald.