davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Birmingham age-herald., 1906-03-25
REFLECTIONS OF A BACHELOR,

From the New York Press.
 If a man had rich father-in-law prob ably he'd fail.
 If you get mad because somebody steps on your corn people think you have a bad heart and if you don't that you are a poor fool.
 One objection to being clergyman is if you don't marry all the old maids in the church they persecute you, and if you do, the law prosecutes you
 A man never knows what poor guesser he is till he sits down and figures out how different married life is from what he thought it was going to be-
 If the government taxed men in a whole year for keeping people clean and healthy what. they will spend in one night on an after-theatre supper there would be rebellion.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1906-03-25
The Record Broken.

Here is something that never happened to travelling man before in history" said B. J. Skallen of Chicago as he open ed a letter at the Morris last night. That's strong statement but here is the proof I wired for a check and re- eeived it a day before I expected 1t.
 Thursday night I sent a night message to Chicago for a check. It was mailed at 12:30 D. m. Friday and here I am handling the precious paper in Birmingham before bedtime. I wanted it bad enough but had no idea of getting it until sometime to- morrow. That's what I call prompt ac- tion."
The Birmingham age-herald., 1906-03-25
IN HOTEL LoBBIEs
VIII Be Large Enough.

The new union passenger station now being erected will be large enough for the needs of Birmingham for fifty years or more. even assuming that the city s growth will proceed at a rapidly increas- Ing rato,s said James Weatherly And 1t Is to be the first public building here that will hil the bill in the years to come When the Louisville and Nashville built it's union passenger station in the eighties it was thought it would be adequate for at least fifty years But Birmingham has outsrown the present station; hence the new. It was thought that the county court house. at the time it was built would be large for a long time to come. but it was not. It wassthe same way with the federal building. But the new passenger station will be large enough for a city of 100000 population"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1906-03-25
Eli p. Smith Will Speak.

Eli P. Smith has accepted an invitation to deliver an address before an anti tuberculosis meeting which has been ar- ranged for next Saturday in Anniston by the Calhoun County Medical Society, pr, A. A. Green came to Birmingham and delivered the invitation in behalf of the society.
 The school teachers and cotton mill operatives of Calhoun county have been invited to attend the meeting Several prominent physicians are on the pro- gramme also.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1906-03-25

Mobile Register: The outlook for mu- nicipal reform is good when Butte, Mont joins the ranks of the cities striving to be good
 Monroe Journal: Ensley is arranging to import gas from Birmingham The aver age town has an ample supply of that article running to waste but no method has yet been discovered for converting it to a useful purpose.
 Limestone Democrat. The union men of Chicago have decided that members of the union shall not assist at any fun eral unless the casl1et is nnion-made. We presume the next step VIII be to in sist on the corpse wearing a union suit. .
 Tri-county Weekly The editor of Ev- erybody's Magazine says something ought to be done to save the country" That is all right but let Us not have too many cooks monkeying with the salya- ton broth.
 Talladega Reporter; Herr Most, the an archist, died in Cincinnati Saturday. In most of countries he might not have been permitted to dle.
 Scottsbofo Citizen The Citizens adver- tising columns are crowded. Be patient we need the "sinews of war
 Ozard Southern Star: Montgomery eoun- ty held her primary last Monday and, as is customary just after such occasions a number of candidates are trying to ex- plain just how 1t happened.
 Centreville Press: The average editor tries to get the running for office fever in the other fellow, but this year they seem to have imbibed the whole dose for themselves. from the long list of news paper men running for office.
 Dadeville Spot Cash: Relief will come to the readers of the Atlanta papers only when the Georgia Primary is held. We trust We may not have much longer to suffer
 Anniston Hot Blast: Speaker Cannon declares that the Senate is defyng the house. If Uncle Joe' were a believer in reciprocity, which he Is not, he could retalate by having the house to defy the Senate.
 Florence Times: The historians have made a Frenchman instead of Irishman of our old klnsman St. Patrick
 Florence Herald: Senator Morgan had a dream the other day and he dreamed that a canal had been dug uniting the Tennessee and Alabama riversr and the bosom of the placid waters was dotted with shipping of all kinds. He awokel Alas! 1t was but dream, but he insists that such a thing will surely come to pass
 Sheffield Standard; Gen. Bill Oates has taken the stump in advocacy of his can didacy for alternate senator. The younger generation, it seems, is trying to crowd General Bill to the rear, against his will. He doesn't propose to become a back number at least until the senatorial ques- ton is settled.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1906-03-25
MIGHT HAVE HELPED SOME.

Y run ouccesS mdBdzlne.
 Reverend Sam Jones, the noted Georgia revivalist preacher, was, at all times. to say the least. forceful in his language. Above all things he objects to a pretense of supersaintliness, his religion being something on the "shirtsleeves' order. On one occasion he had taken for his text: Vanity" and, to point his moral said:
 Now, if there is a woman in the con gregation this morning, who didn't look into. the. mirror before coming to the meeting. I want to see her; want her to stand upi'
 A single woman arose. and stood with meekly downcast eyes To describe her in kindly way. one would say "homely.' The Reverend Jones rested his earnest eyes upon her. A % Well. God bless you, sister,, he said. Tt certainly is a pity that you didntv'
The Birmingham age-herald., 1906-03-25
MAeNANIMous soN-lN-LAw.

From the Kansas City Star.
 John D. Rockefeller has been hiding in New Jersey. It Is understood that Senator Aldrich, the father-intlaw of Rockefeler's son, offered the oil baron the use of Rhode Island, in which to secrete himself but 1t was found that the state was not big enough.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1906-03-25
Samuel ]. TiIden.

Republics are slow and ungrateful in awarding justice to men that have served them, and today one cannot find at the national capital any recog
 milton. of the nineteenth president of fha United States. Samuel J. Tilden.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1906-03-25
TIE BEST WAY.

From the Louisville Herald
 A Kansas man has discovered four ways of managing whichever contra dict her, never deny her, never oppose her, and never tell her the truth. Not in 1t, for a twinkle. with KentuclSy's good old solid way-love her
The Birmingham age-herald., 1906-03-25

When Mayor Ward takes an airing be- hind his horse all policeman on duty have their hands full in slowing him down and in keeping him to the right hand ol the street.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1906-03-25
MAY SOON BE DISCOVERED.

From the Rome Tribune.
 We do not believe that Uncle John Rockefeller can long avoid the eagle eye of Sherlockess Ida Tarbell.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1906-03-25

AN APOLOGY. It's hard to be cheerful All the time. It's hard to be funny When a rhyme Refuses to come to Me, I wis
 Therefore, I must write a
 Thing like this. judge discharged the other day prisoner who was arrested on charge of drunkenness and explained that he was merely hunting for collar button which he lost under the dresser. The judge had been there himself. If you feel it stealing over you. put 1t down as that tired feeling.
 THE RICHEST BABY
 Geei
 How'd you like to be
 John D.
 Rockefeller III? yesterday, smoking cars for women will. it is reported, soon be put in service by two of the countrys largest railway systems. Nearly 100000 people are starving in Japan. General Sherman's historic remark again comes to mind. PAUL COOK.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1906-03-25

District Attorney Jerome's efforts to shield Cortelyou, Bliss X Co., may not succeed after alL The matter has been sent to a grand jury that expects no corporation retainers.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1906-03-25

Don't say you have been automobiling please don't You are not blase when you speak in that way. You should have sssaid, .'4 have, been. matoring, and must return to my atelier."
The Birmingham age-herald., 1906-03-25
A PROTEST.

From the Columbus Ledger.
 About all they can say is T saw Bern hardt." Hearing Is a different matter in these barns over the country
The Birmingham age-herald., 1906-03-25
FAcETIous CONTEMPORARY

From the Tampa Herald.
 The Birmingham Ago-Herald has an edi- torial on Alleys Here and Elsewhere" The latter probably refers to Paradise Alley
The Birmingham age-herald., 1906-03-25

A Kentucky man fell off car the other day and hurt ahis knee No KentuclSian ever falls off the water wagon, for reasons which, we trust, are perfectly plain.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1906-03-25

A man whose wife is a good cook ea' get position as station agent and post master by calling at the office of the Cullman Democrat.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1906-03-25

When a poet wishes to bring discredit on the craft he sits down and writes a poem about a woman and calls her Phoebe.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1906-03-25
LII

Come into the pasture. Maud
 And eat your fill of grass. We're speaking to a mule, you sec This time Maud's not a lass.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1906-03-25

The next thing to being wise is to look wise.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1906-03-25

fund to buy it's control. They are be- tween the devil and the deep sea.
  The looting McCurdys have been asked to hand back to the polieyholders s. 125,oOo, This includes their justly cele- brated campaign contributions.
 --v--.s.---- Commander Eva Booth Is daughter of Gen Booth. who founded the Salvation Army. Gen Booth visited Birmingham two or three years ago. John D. Rockefeller will live two months of each year in California it is announced. In the meantime he eontin- ues in strict retirement. All-day and an-night banks are popu- lar and profitable but Birmingham has no right to have one until after it se- cures all-night cars.
 Commander Eva Booth is as eminent in the Salvation Army as John W. Gates Is in wall streets, and Birmingham holds both today
 Yellow dogs CUTS and hounds of the yellow press have each and all been entered in the big bench show of the in surance loot.
 A Denver woman got a divorce from q man named Hell. Every time her friends called her they were accused of swearing.
 The bosses of pay envelopes are with us today. They can fill their own pock- cts by multiplying the districts pay en- velopes.
 --s-- John w. Gates and his colleagues are the welcome guests of a district that is ambitious in the direction of big pay rolls.
 Judge" Hamilton is loaded with vouchers that Receiver Bliss cannot down. lie got s75,OOO of the money. Sir Thomas Lipton will come over this summer for another yacht race. It is a sort of habit with Sir Thomas.
  The Coal Barons will go into the regu- lar series well seasoned, tuned up too. to the key of the Highlanders.
  Mrs Pat Grove has sued for divorce. She does not hold as high an opinion of Pat as that Omaha jury did. A relative of the Longworths was killed Oy eating poisoned cakes. The family can't keep out of print
  This week may be the end of the term that John D. Rockefeller is serving out in a case in New Jersey. The yellow dog is not an Eskimo. It is strictly native to the United States, and it has cousins in Russia.
 --.s.--- It is to be hoped that the spelling re- form will not become insistent for a hundred years or so
 
 The Aldrlch Rockefeller baby will own the country. and he is an eleven-pounder to begin with
 Chattanooga Is in bad plight between public sentiment and the federal govern ment.
 Pennypacker and Vardaman are the oldest pair the country has ever known.
 
 Although B. F. Yoakum has lost his appendix he is still good railroad man. Alton B. Parker is still explaining that alleged Birmingham interview. Justice Deuel has resigned at last He couldn't stand the pressure This sort of weather makes a fellow think about pionics
 We are to have a new Constitution weighing 400 tons.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1906-03-25
COMMENTS ON MEN AND
 MATTERS OF THE TIMES

T will soon be time to take them of. ]"
 We refer of course, to "hannels, ' which is the generic term for all heavy underwear worn in winter. When the first lush days arrive a man begins anticipating the delight of donning linen balbriggan, nainsook or some other weave equally cool and sanitary. He dreams fondly of the pleasure in store for him when he can discard the sticky uncomfortable garments that cling to ones person tenaciously and refuse to stay put He will feel like a new man and will stride the streets rejoicing in conscious power. Every rise in tempera- ture is carefully observed and recorded he compares notes with those compiled in previous springs and calculates to d nicety the exact day when he will change. It is great sport to do this and perfectly harmless, provided ones enthusiasm does not make him indiscreet enough to court pneumonia by shedding too early in the season. It is sweet to see the flowers bloom, to see Nature deck herself for the awakening and the skies grow bluer. Oe'S bJ hd9s Dul llltA0 Is HO AtdAdAt ol spring more enjoyable ard satisfactory than that of taking them on.'
 A SYLVAN SOLILOQUY. monkey erouches in his cage,
 His fame Is great, he is the rage, For he can eat just like a man And do some tricks that few monks can. He studies faces day by day,
 Soliloquizing in this way:
 There goes man who has wife, She makes him lead a ragtime life. Close by I see another chap
 Whos destined for quick mishap, For he will soon be shown up to The world and get the kicks past due. Another shivers in great dread For fear that he will soon lie dead And all the msdeeds of his life Will make the hum of gossip rife. A great ambition marks this one A galley slave his work ne'er done. While envy marks the chap OCT there. With seowling eyes and troubled air. The fellow with aspiring look Doth hope some day to write a book, But now he starves-a threadbare hack. He'll die forgotten soon, alack I see a woman whom sweet sleep But rarely Visits-she must keep IF front of all the moving van Of social drudges. lest the ban Soon fall upon her-make her lose The prestige which she won by ruse, By tears and waste of gilded wealth, By wreck of home and loss of health. see the frenzied financier,
 His soul enwrapped, from year to year., With projects that he calls his own, TO him real happiness unknown see a moiling, pushing mob I hear a laugh and then sob, I see the weak crushed by the strong, see the right yield to the wrong. I'm startled by the din of war, The sound of strife from near and far, I look out on a turbid world Where men are tossed and madly whirled, Where brother love is mocked by all And none will heed "a good mans fall; Where hearts are stone and human woe Bows down the great, or drags them low. And gazing on the things I see don't think man should laugh at me-
 There is plenty of local color in Bir- mingham-the sort that soils linen and forces a man to wash his face twelve times a day.
 At the hour of going to press this morn- ing the crop of June brides was safe.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1906-03-25
TO MAUD.

Come into the parlor, Maud,
 Let's turn the light down low. Do. come into the parlor, Maud, Fair maid. I love you so.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1906-03-25

It takes all kinds of people to make a world. Some men wrangle over rate re- form, while others argue the derivation of a Latin verb.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1906-03-25

Justice Deuel has resigned at last He couldn't stand the pressure.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1906-03-25
KNOWLEDGE THAT PAYS.

Mary spent her days at work Building up a fine physique. Susie merely learned to cook She'll be married in a. wique.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1906-03-25
AN APOLOGY.

The average multimillionaire has dreams like this: ????????? ???????
The Birmingham age-herald., 1906-03-25

Alton B. Parker is still explaining that alleged Birmingham interview
The Birmingham age-herald., 1906-03-25

Come into the garden, Maud, l think you'll find a few Green radish blooms and turnip buds. And cabbage flowers, too. [
The Birmingham age-herald., 1906-03-25

A relative of the Longworths was killed oy eating poisoned cakes. The family can't keep out of print.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1906-03-25

The Coal Barons will go into the regu- lar series well seasoned, tuned up, too. to the key of the Highlanders.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1906-03-25

This week may be the end of the term that John D. Rockefeller is serving out in a case in New Jersey.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1906-03-25

Although B. F. Yoakum has lost his appendix, he is still good railroad man.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1906-03-25

The yellow dog is not an Eskimo. It Is strictly native to the United States, and it has cousins in Russia
The Birmingham age-herald., 1906-03-25

This sort of weather makes fellow think about picnics.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1906-03-25

It is to be hoped that the spelling re- form will not become insstent for a hundred years or SO.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1906-03-25

Judge" Hamilton is loaded with down. lie got s75,OOO of the money.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1906-03-25

Sir Thomas Lipton will come over this summer for another yacht race. It is a sort of habit with Sir Thomas.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1906-03-25

Jamestown is to get all told s. 4sooo0 from the government. which is a liberal and perhaps adequate allowance. The success of the exposition is assured.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1906-03-25

Mrs Pat Grove has sued for divorce. She does not hold as high an opinion of Pat as that Omaha jury did.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1906-03-25

Yellow dogs, CUTS and hounds of the yellow press have each and all been entered in the big bench show of the in surance loot.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1906-03-25

John w. Gates and his colleagues are the welcome guests of a district that is ambitious in the direction of big pay rolls
The Birmingham age-herald., 1906-03-25

We are to have a new Constitution weighing 19 400 tons.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1906-03-25

A Denver woman got divorce from q man named Hell. Every time her friends called her they were accused Of swearing.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1906-03-25

The bosses of pay envelopes are with us today They can fill their own pock- cts by multiplying the districts pay en- Velones
The Birmingham age-herald., 1906-03-25

Pennypacker and Vardaman are the oldest pair the country has ever known.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1906-03-25

The Aldrich- Rockefeller baby will own the country. and he is an eleven -pounder to begin with.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1906-03-25

The standpatters fear the slxtieth con gress. and. they are afraid to raise big fund to buy it's control. They are be- tween the devil and the deep sea
The Birmingham age-herald., 1906-03-25

Messrs. Bliss and cortelyou are also among those who do not know today Andy Hamilton. and Andy was once eourted, known to and by everybody.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1906-03-25

Chattanooga Is in bad plight between public sentiment and the federal govern ment.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1906-03-25
ALABAMA PRESS

Mobile Register: The outlook for mu- nicipal reform is good when Butte, Mont joins the ranks of the cities striving to be good
The Birmingham age-herald., 1906-03-25

Commander Eva Booth is as eminent in the Salvation Army as John w. Gates Is in wall streets, and Birmingham holds both today.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1906-03-25

The footing McCurdys have been asked to hand back to the polieyhoIders s. 125,OOO. This includes their justly cele- brated eampaign contributions.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1906-03-25

Commander Eva Booth is daughter of Gen Booth who founded the Salvation Army. Gen. Booth visited Birmingham two or three years ago.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1906-03-25

All-day and an-night banks are popu- lar and profitable but Birmingham has no right to have one until after it se- cures all-night cars.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1906-03-25

Sheffield Standard; Gen. Bill Oates has taken the stump in advocacy of his can didacy for alternate senator The younger generation, it seems, Is trying to crowd General Bill to the rear against his will. He doesn't propose to become a back number, at least until the senatorial ques- ton is settled
The Birmingham age-herald., 1906-03-25

John D. Rockefeller will live two months of each year in California, it is announced In the meantime he eontin- ues in strict retirement
The Birmingham age-herald., 1906-03-25

There is plenty of local color in Bir- mingham-the sort that soils linen and forces a man to wash his face twelve times a day.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1906-03-25

Florence Times: The historians have made Frenchman instead of Irlshman of our old klnsman, St. Patrick
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1906-05-14
CITY LOOKS GOOD TO
MANY NEW CONCERNS

That business interests all over the
country are watching Minneapolis, and
that it's name and fame as the CONNER
cial and manufacturing city of the
northwest is going abroad, is shown by
the number of varied inquiries that are
coming to the Commercial club public
affairs committee. Business ventures,
some established and more new, are
watching the city or looking for open
ings here. In some cases no assistance
is asked other than Endorsement, and
some help in securing favorable leases
and quarters. This is the case with
the older established interests that are
Money is wanted for some of the
newer industries, and for smaller inter-
ests that wish to broaden out and make
a change of base at the same time.
"We have number of promising look-
ing propositions applying to us for
some assistance in the way of securing
additional capital,' said Secretary
Wallace G.. Nye Of the public affairs
committee. "Local capital is wanted
and capital looking for Minneapolis in
vestments would do well to investigate
some of the propositions we have pre-
sented to us. The concerns whose plans
we entertain are not of the sort that
ask bonuses and gifts.
"The plans that are offered are bust
ness propositions. We have fund Of
our own for investment, but can give
assistance by suggesting sources from
which such help as is needed may be
sought. Of the plans before us at the
present time there are two of great
merit and promise that only ask ,addi-
tional capital and guarantee a good
return.'.
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1906-05-14
Why Many People Suffer
From Constipation
A Sure and Safe Relief

Constipation is most often caused by
torpid liver or failure of the stomach
and bowsls to perform their proper
functions. The condition is commonly
due at first to irregular habits of living
and improper food, and if properly
treated can be readily relieved. 1t is,
however, too often aggravated and
made chronic by the use, as medicine,
Of powerful and expensive drugs, which
purge and perhaps give temporary re-
lief, but are so drastic in effect as to
damage the tender lining Of the stom-
ach and bowels leaving condition
worse than at first. This can, how
ever, be avoided, and the bowels gently
and thoroughly opened by, the use of
Natures own remedy-the famous
Natural Mineral Laxative Water
HUNYADI JANOs-which has been
relieving suffering mankind all, over the
world for nearly half century. One
dose, Il tumblerful, drunk on arising
in the morning (slightly warmed for
best results), will, within an hour, bring
a delightful and refreshing relief. A
whole bottle costs but trife, and it is
best to keep one always on hand. Every
Druggist keeps it.