davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Holbrook argus., 1906-06-02
rarmer ana the Party wire.

When the independent telephone comi- panies first began to come together in conventions to exchange experiences one fact was always commented upon with great curiosity by the managers of town or city plants, says Success. This was that they invariably met with failure in their endeavors to induce farmers to put in what are known as lockout devices, by means of which every telephone on party line becomes practically private wire.
 In cities, the party line is considered a great nuisance, because there is no privacy in conversations, and all the bells on the line are rung each time a subscriber calls. Naturally, the manag- CTS of plants figured that this objec- tion prevailed In the country also: but almost without exception, they found that one of the great attractions to the farmer was that his telephone did ring every time the other sixteen or twenty people on the line rang up, and that he could hear or be overheard in cOnyer sation. It was practical demonstra- tion of the social hunger the farmer has endured for centuries. and which is now ended, thanks to the arrival of telephone competition.
Holbrook argus., 1906-06-02
The Road to Success.

. Thus the public schools In the last five years have taken a new place in the lives of the children for whom they were created. Not only do they teach the three "R's." but, step by step, they help boy and girl along the road to success that leads out from the highway of liberal education. The girl learns to be strong. womanly and wise. yersed not only in the wisdom of books but in the knowledge that every housewife. every mother. needs. The boy is schooled in the practical gospel of self-help. self-reliance and q clear conception of the duties that fall to the lot of manly man.--St. Nicho- las.
Holbrook argus., 1906-06-02

The Universities of Switzerland.
 Geneva is only one of the universi. ties of little Switzerland. Basel, founded in 1640: Lausanne, founded as an academy in 1537, and as univer- sity in 1890; Zurich. founded in 1892 :; Bern. founded in 1884; Freiburg, founded in 1889, have each secured a high educational place. though in its historic impressiveness Geneva Is unique. But Geneva and her five companions are noble illustrations of the spirit and power of democracy. Their support is derived largely from the cantons in which they were located. Although the constitution of 1S4S au- thoriZed the federal government to erect and to maintain q polytechnic school and university. the university has not been established The can tons support their universities with Il willingness which is as great as obtains in the States of the Amer ican Union touching their respective State universities. The University of Zurich is maintained by common wealth of but 35O,OOO people. and with fin an area of less than 700 square miles. Basel, with population of less than 100000, supports it's univer- sity. They are examples of the power of an enlightened democracy which interests itself in the highest educa- tion. This interest Is not confined either, to the cause of liberal learn ing. for the technical schools of Zurich are among the best of the wOrld.-Harper's Magazine.
Holbrook argus., 1906-06-02
Didn't Write to Her.

Little Dorothy came hurrying home from school to tell in glowing terms about her new teacher. says the New York World.
 'What's her name?"
 q don't know said Dorothy.
 "Why, then. how do you address herY"
 why" answered Dorothy, i've do not write to her"-New Orleans Pica- yune.
Holbrook argus., 1906-06-02
Lincoln the Lawyer.

It is conceded by all his contempo. rares that Lincoln was the best all. round jury lawyer of his day in Hi. nois. Undoubtedly his knowledge of human nature played an important part in his success. He possessed another quality however. which is almost. If not quite. as essential in jury work, and that is clearness and simplicity of statement. His logical mind marshaed facts in such orderly se' quence, and he interpreted them in such simple language, that a child could fol-. tow him through the most complicated cause and his mere rec tal of the issues had the force of rgument.-Century.
Holbrook argus., 1906-06-02
He Loved Her Not.

A little 6-year-old girl friend of mine came running to me and threw herself into my arms, sobbng as if her heart would break.
 God doesn't love me any more," she walled; "God doesn't love me '"
 God doesn't love you? Why, dear, God loves everyone,' asured her.
 70. no, he doesn't love me. I know he doesn't. l tried him with a daisy."- Harpers Bazar.
Holbrook argus., 1906-06-02
"Dust Devils" of Nile Valley.

Travellers in the celebrated Death Valley of California have described the wonderful contortions of the sand pill lars that small whirlwinds sometimes send spinning across the hot plain. Even more remarkable are dust dev ills" seen by an explorer. in the valley of the White Nile. Sometimes two oe these whirling columns. gyrating in oD- posite directions. meet. and if they be well-matched the collision stops them and struggle ensues as to which way they shall twist. Gradually one gains the mastery. and the two combined rush on together" Some of these whirlwinds will strip the clothes from an Arabs back. or send q goat spinning round and round like a top.
Holbrook argus., 1906-06-02
His Awful Fate.

Giles-Accordng to the cOroner's verdict. Il mob composed entirely of women was responsible for Greens demise.
 Miles-How did it happen?
 Giics-IIe accidentally got near bargain counter whore $1 shirt waists were being sold at 9S cents and was trampled underfOCt.- ColuWllUs Dis patch
Holbrook argus., 1906-06-02
Thrilled.

He was looking at Niagara Falls.
 Splendid. Magnificent!" he mur- mured.
 ''SO the spectacle touches you, too?' ventured fellow spectator.
 Touches me!' roared the first. "Such splendid horsepower, such mag nificent energy! And me running my mill by steam! Say, it more than touches me. It breaks me all up"- Philadelphia Ledger.
Holbrook argus., 1906-06-02
More Appropriate.

The district attorney was about to summon another witness in the great blackmailing trial.
 q can't get his real name," said the attorney, "but !'ll just put him down as John Doe"
 "But he has so much money" ven tured the assistant, Suppose we put him down as John Dough"
Holbrook argus., 1906-06-02
The Need.

"Here is another question that ought to be brought before Congress" said the earnest citizen.
 My dear sir answered Senator Sor- ghum, Congress now has all the Ques. Nons 1t can take care of. What it needs is some answers. ."-Washington Star.
Holbrook argus., 1906-06-02
Simple Life.

Aunt Mary-The idea of you marry ing young Wiggins! Why, he can't raise enough money to buy square meal.
 Pretty Niece-Oh, that doesn't mat, ter; we are going to visit among our relations.
Holbrook argus., 1906-06-02
His Turn Coming.

The boys are saying that Gayman' cleaned you out in the little game you had at the club the other evening"
 He did-but I've bought the summer hotel at the resort over in Michigan where he always spends his vacations. Don't say anything to him about it, will you
Holbrook argus., 1906-06-02
Un kind. .

Mrs. Blondine-My late husband was Jealous to the last.
 Mrs. NeighbOrs-Indeedh
 Mrs. Blondine-Yes. Just before he died he requested me not to wear mourning for him-and he knew I look. ed better in black than anything else
Holbrook argus., 1906-06-02
Friendship,s Tribute.

Mrs. Wellon Crying on her gorgeous bonnet) How do you like the effect?
 Mrs. Chilicon- on-Kearney-Why, it's won derful. You have the right idea. There's nothing like contrasts, is there?
Holbrook argus., 1906-06-02
Didn,t Mind the Machines.

q hope" said the renter of room No. 1197, that the rattle of the typewriters in my office doesn't annoy you.'
 No, sir. it does not" responded the crusty capitalist whose office was No. 1199; "but their gabble does annoy me exceedingly y.'-Chcago Tribune.
Holbrook argus., 1906-06-02
Shedding More Information.

Mrs. Chugwater-Josiah, what is a pronunciamento?
 MT. Chugwater-Pronouncin amen to anything you want to indorse. I should think you could tell that by looking at the word itself.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-07-03
HVMOR OF THE DAY

Representative R1cNary of Boston and
Representative Madden of Illinois were
discussing the traits of character of the
irish I went to call on a constituent OF
NINE" said Mr. Madden. ITO see a new
baby. / found the younsster all battered
up, black and blue in spots What's the
matter with him?' I asked oh. nothing
answered his mother. You see he was
christened yesterday, and while his daddy
was holding him the SIX O'clock vhisflz
blew '-Pittsourg Dispatch.
A Swede and an Irishnan were ont
walking together when a storm came up.
The rain fell violently They took refuge
under tree The tree for about fifteen
minutes made good refuge. Then It began
to leak. The cold raindrops began to ran
down the lrishman's neck, and he began
TO complain oh, never mind" said the
soon as this one is wet through well go
under another ''-Argonaut
He. was 10 years old and had gone to the
dentists to get one of the last Of hts
ficult job, and the little fellow never ThiTn-
pered Instead. he said to the dentist,
when the operation was over:
wen we made a good job Of that,
..Ne?.. replied the dentist: why do you
the tooth. didn't I?''-New York Globe
"Ah, yesl' said Senator smuge. as he
interiaceo his claws in a seif-satisfied way
IN front Of his corporosity. I got my
Gerry store at salary of three dollars a
week, and managed to save money on
that
but replied the astute reporter. that
Of course was before cash registers were
invented. Puck.
much, William
Mr.. Bacon-WeH. it all depends on
Y nkers Statesman.
| Church, see they are crying for more
missionaries over in Africa
Gothan-Why, those cannibals must be
regular gluttons.-Yonkers Statesman.
Boss-say. what you stoppin' for7
Foreman-We have utilized all the ma
terial. sir. There's nothing left US but pa
tience.
Roswell, utilize that. too.-cleveland
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-07-03


rich widow, and windmill men, wira
fence men, piano agents and men with
patent farm gates would tumble over
each other to ask for her hand. She
might not even put a ten-doilar head
stone at his grexe.
There was constraint between them
when the couple woke up next morn
ing. They tried to make out that there
wasn't but realized that there was
Sarah claimed to have a headache and
James said he had a touch OF rheuma-
tism.
At noon when the husband came UP
from the field he had been thinking
things over and almost wished he had
turned Aunt Deborah out Of the house
She was a meddlesome, gossipy old
thing, ana ne would let nothing she had
SAID annoy MIN IN the least. Sarah had
also been thinking, and about the same
thoughts, and so there was q return OF
love and confidence
1t did not last ss hours. however.
James had to sharpen the ak and Sar-
ali saw him at it and felt that he was
contemplating crime. Sarah asked Il
the handle of q table knife could not
be made fast by a little melted lead
and James said to himself after an
swering her question:
'Ah-ha- Got melted lead on her mind.
has she. Well, I've got to look out for
my ears
For the next four weeks the pair
They dissembled and deceived. They
thought black thoughts Of each other
James wanted to sleep in the barn o
nights, and Sarah wanted to go home
and tell her mother all about it. Things
were Fastening on toward a separation
when, as they sat on the veranda. one
night after supper, saying little, but
thinking a good deal. farmer Joe Col
Inns came driving along and halted to
say
Say, you folks heard the news?,
No, what is it?s
-,It'll take your breath away.
But let's have It.
wall, that life insurance company
you are insured in has busted higher n
Gilroy's kitei''
"Oh, james,"
'Oh, Saraht"
And as they went dancing around the
veranda. in each others arms Mr.. Col
Inns looked at them in astonishment and
said to himself:
BY George. but they seem TO be
burned glad OF 1t.a
And so they were
Copyright, 1906. by Ruby Douglass).
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-07-03
KANSlS COMAENT
ROAR FROM GOMER DAVIEs.

ROAR FROM Conner DAVIES
The editor OF this dinky paper wishes
sometimes he was rich. No, We only
wish we were rich for about a week
just long enough to teach some rich
people We know how to act toward less
fortunate people. less fortunate IN the
matter CT worldly possessions, we
mean As a matter Of fact fnordEnafely
rich people, the majority of them, have
no sense at all. This is especially true
OF Some man who has struck it rich .
or the woman who has married a
bunch of money. 1t gives US infinite
pain to witness the nauseating airs of
these toads with the dollar mark stick
Ing all over them. Thank God there
Is yet no aristocracy Of dollars in this
great American country. We have here
the aristocracy Of manhood and woman
hood The man who digs bitches in
the street to earn the bread he win eat
tomorrow may be gentleman. while
the posSessor of thousands who passes
by on the other side looking with dis
dain on wor <ingmen, may be a cur un-
fit to associate with honest folks 1t is
no disgrace to be rich, but it is disgrace
ful the way some rich people act simply
because they are rich. Gee whiz, it
makes US riled to have some purse
proud monkey, without brains enough
to carry breakfast to a sick bear, put
on highfalutin' airs around us.-Con-
eordia Kansan
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-07-03
POINTED PARAGRAPHS.
[From the Chicago News. !

LFrom the Chicago News.J
If you want to make a thief angry
call him a thief.
A dressmaker knows a lot about the
seamy side of life.
A bank isn't necessarily solid be-
cause it has q stone front.
Happiness has a peculiar way Of ap-
pearing and disappearing unexpeet-
edly-
Anyway, the pessimist doesn't bore
us half to death with his alleged jokes
He who knocks and runs away may
live to become an expert hammer
wielder.
It's an easy matter to sympatfize
with the poor when your pockets are
empty.
A social call isn't synonymous with
what women call each other when they
are angry.
When a lazy man comes home to
supper he likes to tell his wife how
hard he worked all day.
A man who can make an after-din-
ner speech but won't is less tiresome
than a man who can't but will.
No doubt men are just as foolish as
women, but you seldom hear Of a man
suing a woman for breach Of promise
Only an intellectual woman can
spread q stepiadder so that It won't
collapse and leave her clingang to the
top shelf of a closet.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-07-03

hand on increased the Flame Of Free
dom.
~strikei Deeds only count Take
back your own!''
The shades Of the Populist orators OF
1891 must welcome Mr.. Morrison I.
Swift to the ranks of the Populist party.
The Populists Ct the present day cannot
do it. They are not preaching such doc
trines It is doubtful If even such fire.
eater as Colonel Joe Wright could work
himself into such q fine frenzy as has
Morrison I. Swift.
New York seems bound to have a dose
OF Populism. Let her have it. It win do
the whole east good. Some good things
have come out Of Populism-after they
were toned down and the country was
ready for them.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-07-03
QUAKER REFLECTIONS.
TF'rom the Philadelphia RecoTd.l

From the philadelphia RecoTd.l
It looks as though the failure Of the
Delaware peach crop Was q failure.
The mother-in-Iaw joke may be very
ancient. but 81 can't be traced back to
Adam.
Tell a girl she IS beautiful when shs
is asleep. and she will never want %
wake up.
When a statesman max Is peech
If doesn't follow that the speech is the
making Of him.
There may be sermons in stones. but,
somehow or other, the average minister
fails to accumulate the rocks.
The ant is considered the acme OF
industry, but the moth is hard at work
even when he ia taking a nap
Funniman-"G Gimme q scent cigar -
DeaIer-"Yes, sir Light OF dark"
Funniman-'WelI I always like cigar
light at one end
Captain of the Kensington Junior
Champeens-ssV Yot's de matter wild dat
foist baseman O yourn? Why does he
always have some odder Teller to run
for him r. Captain of the Young Down
towners-'tAw! he can't run. He's .
messenger boy.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-07-03
JAYHA WKER JOES

A man who has sailed three times
around the globe and visited every Inn
pOrtant port in the world is now street
commissioner at BeIeville.
If all Neosho county wheat is like
the first two loads that was marketed
in Erie. the mills down there will turn
out some fine -four this year. The first
load tested 621s pounds, and the sec
ond tested 81 pounds.
A Leavenworth man who went out to
work in the harvest fields is having
trouble. He writes home that he has
so much fried chicken to eat that he
crows in his sleep, and the other hands
make a fuss about it.
Beloit is. making a big bid for popu-
Iarity. It has passed an ordinance pro-
hibiting the shooting Of firecracl5ers and
other explosives except between 8
o'clock the night before the Fourth and
midnight on the Fourth.
Erie Record. It didn't happen in
this term of court nor in the last one
but it happened all right here in this
district. The case was small rob-
berry and the evidence produced was
mighty strong against the accused man
but the jury returned the verdict mot
guilty" The accused criminal imne-
diateiy ran over to where the 1urymen
sat and began thanking them, and this Is
what one Of the 5u1ynieh told him:
That's all right now, you just go on
and keep stu but don't you ever do it
again
The Guard asserts that Council Grove
has among it's citizens a young man
who wears corsetss a widow who has
seven ''stea0ies =" several citizens who
were never known to work; a grass
widow who is said to have seven living
husbands; q man who has not kissed
his wife since they were married; a
woman who spends more for perfumes
than the family -four bill amounts to-;
and an old bachelor who has proposed
to six different women since June 1,
and been refused by all. But the
Guard is namin' no names.
Manhattan Republic: A K u. profess
sor seated himself ct his dinner table
and bowling his head he started Dear
Lord we thank" when the telephone
bell rang. He went to the phone, had
a short talk with the calling party and
returning to the table bowed his head
and made another start. Three words
were permitted to issue this time when
'Ting-aling" went the phone and the
performance was repeated. He made
the third and fourth attempts to say
grace, only to be interrupted by the
phone. At the fifth trial he seated
himself at the table, reverently bowed
his head and in stentorian tones bel
lowed Hello"
The Reading Record is responsible
for this excellent advice:
When the smiles of spring APPEAR,
Drag the roads.
When the summer time is here.
Drag the roads.
When the corn Is in the ear;
In the winter cold and drear,
Every season in the year,
Drag the roads.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-07-03
GLOBE SIGHTS.
Iron the Atehlson elobe.l

FROM the AJCnfSOn CrlODeI
Next day after you throw a thing
away, it becomes valuable.
A man can mop his face when he
peFspires. but a woman can only dab
at hers, or she win rub off the powder.
A Coolidge woman whose husband
has made lots Of money selling beer.
has her summer hat trimmed with
hops.
This is the season of the year when
every one wants to be the family
martyr by claiming that he has the
hottest room In the house.
You may try to find comfort in the
thought that those who wrong you viii
get their punishment some day. but It
Isn't so dead sure unless they wronged
you by stealing green apples.
When q woman wants to make her
husband feel ike q wretch she men
tons incidentally half dozen times
during supper that she has been in
the kitchen all day.
A man should make the most OF the
sympathy he gets when he tells his
girl how hard he works, for after he
has married her she will answer every
appeal for sympathy with: II wash
you mad my Job
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-07-03
JOURNAL ENTRIES

Grover Cleveland says he has never
had a manuscript rejected by a mag
azine editor. Grover doesn't know
what he has missed in not having a
fine collection OF little slips expressing
the editors sorrow at not being able
to utilize some of his Weighty articles
X
A Kansas editor declares in favor
of a law by congress regulating the
size Of holes in peek-a-boo waists. He
is probably fishing to be appointed on
q commission to Investigate the sub
ject.
y
A dispatch says that thirty-six girl
clerks in one store In Pittsburg quit
their positions last week to get mar
ried. When it is known that Cupid
makes his headquarters in that store,
what rush there VIII be for the va
cancies!
Y
You will notice that no one is say
ing that this is the last convention
the Populist party will hold in Kan
sas.' This announcement has been
made so many times and each time
the Populist party has insisted on
holding another one. that this depart
ment refuses to believe the last one
will ever really be held.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-07-03

the organs. It is all right. OF course.
for Europe to lSow-tow to them. but
Il it does less by the Morgans OF
Hutchinson it will hear from Kansas
in decided terms. The editor Of the
Hutchinson News may not be q pros
pective president nor the son-in-law
OF a president. but he is something Of
a statesman himself. and the letters
OF the Commoner editor do not begin
to compare in interest with those of
the Kansas man.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-07-03
TEXAS TRUE 70 BAILEY.

Texas Democrats are not ready to in
dorse Mr.. Bryan for president, for the
good and sufficient reason that we have
presidential timber IN our own Senator
Bailey. Bailey Is more fortunate than
Mr. Bryan in that he does not carry the
disability Of two defeats, and It is quite
possible that this sudden boom for Bry-
an may run its course before the two
years. elapse, and even Missouri, Indiana
and Arkansas may turn to the star Of
Texas for guidance out of the political
wilderness in which the Democratic
party has so long wandered.-sa An
tonic Express.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-07-03
Too Bic a Field

Years ago. while Rev. Shandaloupe
was a student at the seminary. he un-
dertcok, one vacation season, to sell
fire extinguishers.
His pleasing address and affabiIity
enabled him to make many sales.
However, he encountered the usual re-
Bluffs which are the experience Of all
agents.
The theological student had gained
access into the Office of surIy broker,
and forthwith began expatiating on
the deluging powers of his incompara-
BILE fire extinguisher.
ITO hell with iti'' roared the broker,
fiendishly.
ooh. my dear man." expostulated
ShandaIoupe, this extinguisher does
not deserve the extreme virtue with
which you credit it.'-Harper's
Weekly.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-07-03

Full Of years and after having been
much honored by his feilowmen, John
suthris laid down the burden OF life
quietly ana peacefully, as he desired.
Fer forty years he was a citizen of
topeka and Kansas. and during much
Of that time he was intimately con-
uected with public life- For several
years chairman Of the Republican
state committee. eight years on the
bench OF the Shawnee county district
court, and at one time one Of the most
prominent candidates for governor OF
Kansas. MS name is closely associated
with the states history
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-07-03
REFLEcrIoNs 81 4 BACHELoR
IFrom the New York Press.I

LFrom the New York Press
There is nobody in the world can
guess what color q little girls black hair
IS going to be when she grows up
It's Just as easy to tell a girl she is
pretty as not to- and It is easier for her
to believe you than for you to tell her.
The worst kind Of reputation to have
r. where nobody knows exactly what
yon have done SO everybody suspects a
different thing about you.
The man who worries about not being
able to pay his debts has the satisfac-
lion at least OF knowing the fellows he
owes are also worrying just as hard