River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1906-01-18
HUMPTY AND THE BOSS.

@Head Hissers in the Snake House"
Chez! but them Wall Street Sep
arators has got a nerve to call Mister
Lawson Spider-web SpeiIer He
amt chink laundry ticket in pink
shirt factory side OF them They don't
do thing to you but Annex all you
got and then wire the News to mother
zn-law.
How do | know?
Didn't / onct work in a Stomach
cure Foundry that old ROCKEFELLER
bought out, and amt 1 bin Lawson's
Head Hurry-boy since 1 let the West
ern Union print me name on their
door knob?
1t puts me to the Laughing Gas
when | hear them Willie-Wises chin
about the high-man money game
They amt Next NO more than a bow
legged billy goat at head-push horse
show.
There's only one eighteen-karat
Gold Fish in the Coin Aquarium just
now, and that's me close friend, Thorn
as Solar-Plexus Lawson.
The first time | seen him was when
uGnVGlGu q Gdo-OION6 uC0OdS0 lIOu
Col. Bill Greene about his coming to
Boston to shoot the shingles off the
Boss's Brain Barn. | whizzed up to
his door in me Two-calf Panthard
Bubble and sent in me card by meself.
The Saltwater Sammy who shuff1es
the gate money and tells you the
Boss is out when he's in, and sorry
for it, was ratified about something
and sent me straight to the Captains
Office.
l had seen a bunch of first-money
GaZeepers like John SOakem Sulli-
van Cassie Borrow Chadwick, Dr.
vorce-Bill Cody, and was keen to put
me Lamps on Lawson.
l. walked up to him like a cop on
pay day and pushed the telegram in
his right nit. He gave me far
Rockaway look with Hetty Green
smile as he uncanned the message.
held me cap in me hand while he
read it, and in minute he went up
in the air to beat Subway dago on
top of a blast. He made motions
that put Jitsoo to the Milk Toast, and
his Face Music was as rough house
as police captain talking fire works
to his men.
l was rubbering for a cyclone cell
lar when he began to write his come
back; but it must have beeen raining
in Mexico, as the bull fight didn't
come off.
In about three squirts of a settler
bottle he passed me his reply and
Ekated out of the place like fly what
bad got too busy with bald head.
On me run back to the Office l read
the paper, and it was his way:
Dear Bill-Welcome to Dream
hurst. Come early and avoid the
rush. You don't say whether your
weapon is Dope gun, or one for ex-
terminating Insects. In either case
may suggest that you try it on Your
self, as my Dog is now quite well,
thank you.
Yours, until the next time.
LAWSON"
On the level now, do you think
them Scrambled-oil Wine Openers
could grease up a Wire like that?
It wasn't till after / had carried a
lot of Cholera-mixture Messages for
him that he gave me the Happy High
Sign and handed me Heart-to-heart.
One morning when the weather
was weinerwurst than Sasaprilla at a
Hibernian Picnic, l goes to him with
q wire from his right bower. Jack
Croach, asking about sending any
more fake kilograms from New York
in the name of prominent people, and
he turns to me with this:
well, young man, how is your
friend Mister ROCKEFELLER, this morn
ing? What do you think of Bible
Glass Preferred? How would you
like to be the Oil MANI"
I. know'd he was guying me. and
quick as a flashlight of Russell Sage
taking money, sed:
ME for you, Mister Lawson.
You're the real Boston Bunker-hill
Cream Puff. You're making them
Highbinders look like an Uncle Sam
toy terrier with Philippine tin can
tied to his Tab"
"Then you think they're on the
run, 90 you?"
'Shure, Mike" SEE l, haven't they
hired a Talk-tosser with a Shamrock
name to throw Word Bombs at you?
Didn't Mister Rogers go to Europe to
let his coppers cool off, and didn't
Rockyfeller's Kid go acrost too,
after handing his bunch of White
Mice Doogooders flock of Yarn
Notices to eat while he was gomez"