Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1906-12-29
HORNS AND WHISTLERS

! THE Washington police authorities. am
| told. issued a mandate against the Christ
| mas horn-gave instructions. that is to say,
| that the little tin instrument Of the Yule
| day should be suppressed, il not confscated
wherever heard said a man who enjoys
moving in his orbit Of inconsequentialities.
I'm doing this, 1 am willing to admit, the
police probably acted under advisement.
| The Christmas horn may be nuisance
| elsewhere than in Washington. 1 have
known 1t to be a nuisance, for example, in
| such places as New York. 1 never found
| 1t in any way intolerable here. In fact,
| the Christmas horn always possessed a GER
| tain charm for me as used here. 1t seemed
to have certain mystical, old-world signi-
| fcance, a bareback to the winding OF the
| huntsman's horn in forest Yuletides. It
| always seemed to me to be inextricabiy
f.mingled with our north-world idea Of
| Christmas, and. heard in the early dark
hours of Christmas morning it seem to me
| to SOUND a mellow sort OF retreat for
| Kris kringies departing sled. Christmas
horns may not be exactly like the horns
| of Elfland, family blowing but they have
| their amiable medieval suggestions. One
day in the year might be given over to
/ the liberation OF so minor nuisance Tor
] the sake of the preservation of an old
| tradition
|
that the Washington police might attempt
| to correct ii they find that the sphere OF
their ACTIVITIES is restricted and that they
are in need Of additional duty. l speak
! of the Washington early morning whistlers
There Is no open or closed season for the
| early morning whistlers of Washington.
| They are ever busy, ever enthusiastic. ever
| dissonant, and always shrill, sleepmur-
dering and nerve-jangling denominations.
| Spring, summer, autumn. winter. they
abound and abide. There is scarce a morn
ing-there is. In truth. no morning-but
that l. wish these street whistlers were
anchored at the b. tom Of some chilli and
drear sea.
| 81 live on H street, not far from the new
Metropolitan Club. and H street is one of
the most notable thoroughfares and stamp
| ing grounds Of these whistlers in the city.
They begin to flock along H street, gener-
| ally striking in from the avenue at 18th
| street, along toward o'clock in the morn
| ing. and from then on until daylight
! spasmodically and sporadically, they swing
| along, filing the vagrant air with disso-
| nances such as were never heard In the
| darkest pits Of Tartarus. When daylight
comes the whfstlers cease. Here is a quaint
( psychological study. Why do they cease
| their unspeakabiy horrifying shrilling just
and an Os Begin the days la:bors? Why do they
| deliberately freeze the marrow of light
sleepers for two or three hours before
daylight and then, when there is no chance
| for them to in1ct further misery. cease
! their wretched tympanum hing
sounds? Would it not seem that they don't
whistle at all for the pure love of 1t or out
of the joy of their wild. glad hearts. but
| merely for the malignant and explicit pur-
| pose of causing as much agony as they
possibly can and making blithering,
blasted nusances Of themselves7
| There would be about per cent OF
indignation in the whistling Of these early
| morning throstles L ever. by any imagin-
| able chance, one Of them knew how to
whistle Even # plunged into an awaken
SIn fpnf Of hoir yxyo ION nd
| by such needless barbarity, one might
derive a certain melancholy consolation
| from the situation If the whistler who exc
| cutes his miserable lark stunt showed that
| he possessed the remotest notion of how
| to carry even the elemental meaning of
| the simplest sort Of tune in his head.
| But the street whistler has as much Idea
| of the rudiments of melody as Malay
has Of char osuro or the Rembrandt
| light. He just whistles He floods the
| gray morning world with a mourful in
harmony that sounds like the squeakng
| of Norwegian rats in the bilge of an an
! cient grain ship. He emts sounds that
| have no possible connection with what
| has gone before or what Is to come after.
| 1t is all as vacant of meaning as the
| howhng of an ecstatic dervish. the mean
| tation Of a Navajo snake-dancer, the TOM
| tomming of a soused Sioux medicine man.
| And you lie there in your bed, after
| having been prodded from your dreams by
the shrill missiles of sound beating upon
your drums, trying nervously, desper-
| ately, despairingly, to extract even a frag-
ment of meaning from the whistler's grisly
| performance. You hear him first as he
| clomps down the street. about block
| away, pouring his disordered breath
| through his puckered lips. and. after your
first flush of rage over having been sum-
| moned from another world by so abomin-
| able call, you begin to attempt to fashion
some sort OF meaning from the reprobate's
hideous blasts. You have notion at first
| that he Is attempting that doleful
| wretchedly overworked 'Miserere.' There
| are as many as two slipping, faltering notes
| that lead you to that vague impression. The
| impression however is dissipated like pris-
| matte spray at vesseFs prov when. after
| those two family recognizable notes have
| drifted away on the morning air, you hear
| five or six notes that suggests .Ah Can't
| Laugh Cause All Hair Is knky.'
| You at last have clew-sx whole notes
| of one thing. This is better. The whistler
then, is not mere gibberer He knows
| six recognizable notes of something that
cheap and common that composition may
! be. Alas! the next few notes dissipate even
so small and pitiable hope! He drifts
| into mere blasts hopeless and weird as the
| sirening of an ocean-going tug.
The next whistler, and the next after
| him-ali OF them-are the same. Most Of
them, too, are very slow. snail-ike walkers
-hesitating pedestrians 1t takes them an
| unimag inably long time to traverse one
| square. and the period that elapses from
| the moment when they come into hearing
| anu tueIf ulSdppedT ITOIn duTdl range, leaV-
| ing behind them a trail Of maddenfng
bleak echoes, seems Hike a heaped-up fag-
OF Of eternities. They stop to look things
| oyer-generaliy right in front of where
live, it always seems to melville they keep
| up their shrilling. Probably some dog or
cat attracts their attention. But their at
| tention is rarely attracted to such an extent
| as to cause them to stop whistling
Some of them have yet another heart
breaking stunt. They suddenly stop
| whistling, right in the middle of the block
An you fervently breathe to your
| self, the brute is merciful! He has ceased
He has reflected that there are sleeping
| people near! He has experienced a wave Of
benevolence! He Is through now! Thank
Godi'
Thus you murmur your benedictions
| upon him, thinking him well advanced
! down the street Then your hopes are
dashed to the Lowest mari Of nethermost
Gehenna. He takes 1t up again, right
| where he left off He has halted across the
street. He has only ceased for a moment
for some fell purpose Of his own He picks
| up the devilish thread again. and then he
| crawls slowly down the street. and your
| benedictions are turned to maledicttons
and you resolve never to be fooled again
| by whistler-never again to believe that