davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Los Angeles herald., 1906-05-28
CAREY, THE KILL-JoY
war see Tinnnthv Carev

If We iver see Timothy Carey
Jisht trust to the speed o. yer heels.
Take warnin' from Malachy Cleary-
That's me, an I know how 1t feels.
If ye're bint on revivin' yer nature
Wild innocint pleasure, me boy
Get out o. the way o this crayture-
His thrade is the KILN O. joy.
Now, one day, whin sat at me dinner,
Wild hunger enough an to spare,
In walks this same gloomy ovid sinner
An leans on the back O. me chair.
"Come an jine me-" sez L: I'D be hatin'
Mese' fur the glutton / am
To deny ye this taste O. good atm
'Tis luscious billed cabbage an ham,"
Man alive! Are ye crazy?" sez Carey,
An frowns in his soberest way.
"Shure an have ye fergot, Misther
Cleary,
That this is a fasht-day th' day?"
An wild that the ovid joy-killin' sinner
Jisht turned on his heel an wint out,
An he left me an illigant dinner
Like ashes, stone cowld. in me mout.
Twas a sin o. me, bein forgetful;
l should have remimbered the day,
But couldn't help feelin' regretful
To see me feast fadin' away.
For twas not for me sawls sake that
Carey
Sphoke up. but twas jisht to annoy.
'Tis his nature, that's name an con-
thrary-
His thrade is the KILN O. joy.
Catholic Standard and Times.
Los Angeles herald., 1906-05-28
LYING IN BUSINESS AFFAIRS
Missouri Supreme Court Renders a
Decision That Should Be
Followed in All States

From the st. Louis Globe Democrat
Judge Fox of the Missouri supreme
court, with the concurrence of his as
sociate judges, has rendered notable
decision that should serve as a warning
to all who resort to direct falsehood in
business transactions in this state. The
legal principle that the purchaser must
beware of what may prove to be unsat-
isfactory, or Disappointing, is supposed
by some to be flexible enough to cover
lies and other pitfalls to catch the in
experienced or foolish. A st. Louis
case is the basis Of Judge Fox's de-
cision. An agent here sold to a Michi-
gan farmer twenty shares i'm cement
and brick manufacturing company In
which the particulars of the capital
stock and capacity of the plant were
grossly misrepresented. The seller was
convicted of obtaining money under
false pretenses and sentenced to two
years in the penitentiary, where he is
now confined. The supreme court de-
cision is an approval of the sentence.
Judge Fox rectes that ''When there is
an absolute representation, false and
untrue, and known TO be such, the pur-
chaser has a right to rely upon II, and
common honesty and morality demand
that the fraudulent dealers should not
screen themselves by the excuse that
the party could have detected the fraud
II he did not rely upon the representa-
tions made" Swlndlers of the more
extensive Sort from the get-rlch-quiclS
operator TO the cheating promoter, have
presumed much too far on the legal
maxim that the purchaser must look
out for himself. and charge up as bad
investments the losses into which he
is led by downright lying and other
unscrupulous arts OF deception. In Mis-
souri,. at least there is a pententlary
check on the business liar and swindler
and the highest court in the state has
confirmed IT,
Los Angeles herald., 1906-05-28
INCONSISTENT

Science tells us we should live
At least a hundred years,
So throw your canes and props away
And cut out all your fears.
You aren't old at sixty-fve;
At four score years be gay;
You've twenty more good years to
At least that's what they say.
II you've an enemy-some one
You have not treated square
And you have reached three score and
ten,
Oh do not give a care.
You've thirty more good years in which
Your snares for him to set
In which to bump him il you're smart
So don't forgive him yet
And do not give lifes battle up
At all before your time
At sixty you are just kid
At eighty in your prime.
At ninety you've decade yet
In which to dare and DO;
Put backing on, your whlskers'
And find girl to WOO,
Since scientists have told us
We should live hundred years,
Throw down your cane ana exc your
And wipe your rheumy tears.
But scientists are puzzling chaps;
While their advice Is flung
TO us TO live a hundred years
They all OF them die young.
From the Houston Post.
Los Angeles herald., 1906-05-28
Praises Federal Troops
WAITING MAIDS IN JApAN

Unless there are ladies among the
guests, the wife and daughters Of the
host do not appear at dinner in Japan.
Before the meal begins it is customary
for them to bring in small cups of tea
and dainty confectionery, when they
take their survey of the party.
If gentlemen only are present. the
Japanese hostess disappears after the
greeting is over, and does not return
until the guests are taking their de-
parture.
At signal from the host, barefooted
waiting maids dressed in graceful and
prettily tinted kimonos, bring in lacquer
trays bearing tiny covered bowls. Be-
fore setting the trays on the tables the
maids sink gracefully to the knees and
bend forward till their foreheads touch
the floor, then they serve dinner which
Is of several courses.-Smith's Weekly.
Los Angeles herald., 1906-05-28

Political pie eaters in nearby towns
should remember that while they may
be by far the noisier in opposing the
Los Angeles city and county union,
their votes are few in comparison with
those of the great mass of the tax
payers who by that consolidation would
be relieved of paying their salaries and
would thus secure lower taxation. 1t
might be rough on the tax eaters if
they had to go to work, but why should
progress and thrift be stopped just that
they may retain fat jobs?
Los Angeles herald., 1906-05-28

The million club" Of st. Louis has
adopted for that city design typifying
the local spirit. 1t is model of st.
Louis In armor, astrlde horse I'm ar
NOR, with shield bearing the motto,
ITO the Front" That isn't bad-ex-
cept the designer might have been a
trine more explicit as to the character
and destination OF the front" the de-
sign Is riding at
Los Angeles herald., 1906-05-28
Her Schema

Her little sleeve comes shyly down;
Her long glove fails to meet;
There is a little glimpse of white
Round arm that's very neat!
And does she know this band of white
Shows at her elbow? Sure!
Altho' you'd never think her so,
She's wise as she's demure!
OF course she knows! She left 1t bare
On purpose. So would you
If thereby you dimple fair
Could slyly bring to view!
w. H. c.
Los Angeles herald., 1906-05-28
A SPANIEL FOR THE DUCHESS

1t is traditionary etiquette custom
in the Marlborough family for each
duke to present a Blenheim spaniel to
the duchess when she enters Blenheim
palace for the first time as it's mistress.
The story from which this custom has
its origin is that during the battle of
Blenheim a spaniel followed at the heels
of the great duke throughout the day,
never leaving him until victory was as
sured
Los Angeles herald., 1906-05-28

Wouldn't it be just as well, before
Pasadena and Long Beach throw any
more conniption fits about Los Angeles
"coercing them into a distasteful
unlon," to ascertain if they really are
wanted in the proposed city and coun-
ty? In the present scheme of things,
neither is included. Why howl before
they are hurt?
Los Angeles herald., 1906-05-28

But with some ffty-seven varieties
OF earthquake disporting themselves in
Michigan, no one has yet heard of any
relief trains from the Hearst Liars
Own. Is Willie Ridiculous asleep at
the switch again?
Los Angeles herald., 1906-05-28

Any time the Los Angeles merchants
against this city will be dropped with a
dull, sickenins thud. 1t is all UP to the
merchants.
Los Angeles herald., 1906-05-28

The mercury fell in one day in Chi
cago "a degrees. Thus do the ice man
and the coal man play the poor Chi
cagoese both ends against the middle,
and catch 'em coming and going.
Los Angeles herald., 1906-05-28

However the difference between the
postal telegraph which congress is con-
sidering and the Postal Telegraph now
in existence is that in the former case
it would pay the government, while
in the latter the government pays it.
See2
Los Angeles herald., 1906-05-28

The hearse drivers strike in New
York is dead and buried; now deceased
persons may have funerals without riot
accompaniments. Great centers of
civilization, New York and Chicago!
Los Angeles herald., 1906-05-28

Also, Oakland wants a consolidation
amendment. Oakland habitually sneers
at Los Angeles, but would gladly imi-
tate this city to get out of the mole"
class
Los Angeles herald., 1906-05-28

1t is a safe bet that those Germans
who admire our newspapers either
never saw a Hearst yellow, or else,
like us, they exclude the yellow from
the newspaper class.
Los Angeles herald., 1906-05-28

Incidentally. will Coldfeet Collins now
call off the Shriners meeting in Chi
cago because of fifty-odd earthquakes
in Michigan? That's lots nearer Chi
cago than Los Angeles is to San Fran
cIsco
Los Angeles herald., 1906-05-28

Why wouldn't it be good plan, be-
fore planting any more ornamental
light posts, to have a little light in those
now standing along Main, Hill and
Olive streets?
Los Angeles herald., 1906-05-28

With the May building permits up to
those of May, 1905, despite week of
Fiesta and month of enforced holi-
days, one would still be justified in say
ing that Los Angeles was as lively as
ever
Los Angeles herald., 1906-05-28

IT won't hurt San Francisco a bit to
have the Los Angeles consolidation plan
go before the special session. and may
do it considerable good. Los Angeles
should have San Francisco's help now,
not its knocks.
Los Angeles herald., 1906-05-28

The moral in the case of that theater
usher who was mobbed because he un-
fortunately looks like the late Mr. Hur-
rahrah is that he should grow a beard.
Los Angeles herald., 1906-05-28

Owl cars are necessity Of metropoli-
tan life. Los Angeles is not full
grown city till she has them. Let us
be real city.
Los Angeles herald., 1906-05-28

San Pedro, progressive as usual, al
ready sees the benefits of consolidation.
Trust San Pedro not to overlook a good
thing
Los Angeles herald., 1906-05-28

The announcement that Champ
Clark is ready to fight is entirely
superfuous to any one in the least
acquainted with the aforesaid Champ
Los Angeles herald., 1906-05-28

San Francisco is preparing to relieve
the federal troops of police duty. Abe
Ruef's pockets must be yawring for
more "fees.''
Los Angeles herald., 1906-05-28

why do we still have legal holidays?
Their necessity ceased long ago. Let's
get back to business again.
Los Angeles herald., 1906-05-28

Russia is preparing for hostiiities in
Manchuria. Russia must be expecting
another licking.
Los Angeles herald., 1906-05-28

The cry on Main and Hill streets:
LET there be light!'
Los Angeles herald., 1906-05-28

The Russian lower house has defied
the czar Therein is shown how wide
ly 1t differs from our own house.
Los Angeles herald., 1906-05-28

avoid any possible debt Such chances
do not come to a Y. M. c. A. more than
once in lifetime.
Los Angeles herald., 1906-05-28

1t is suggested that we now do have
owl cars. All in favor say AYE
Unanimous!
Los Angeles herald., 1906-05-28
Population Of Los Angeles 23S.4I9

Take down the late Fiesta deco
rationsl
Los Angeles herald., 1906-05-28

And still on the next day it also
rained. And then some.
Los Angeles herald., 1906-05-28

OF course there are no infant classes
in the swellest churches. How absurd
and how useless!
Los Angeles herald., 1906-05-28
Good Wishes

The correspondent as we'll as the en-
tire town and county extend the best
wishes and success to this happy pafr
There is not the least doubt in any
mind but that they will succeed socially
as well as financially as each have an
unequivocal sense of ubiduity,-Wa-
pello (Iowa) Republican.
Los Angeles herald., 1906-05-28
CITIZENS
OF SAN FRANCISCO
CHICAGO ALDERMAN DRAWS
COMPARISONS
Says There Was Less Disorder Than
in the Windy City at the
Time Of chicaeo's Great
Fire Of 1871
Special to The Herald,

Special TO The Herald.
CHICAGO. May 27-"There was less
disorder and less dishonesty in San
Francisco during the period following
tho recent earthquake and fire than
there was in Chicago during the great
conflagration I'm this city" declared
former Alderman William Kent today
in an address at Abraham Lincoln Cen
ter on Lessons From the Earthquake"
Mr. Kent, who was an eyewitness OF
the destruction of San Francisco and
who later identified himself with the
Red Cross society in the work of re-
lief praised the people for the forti-
tude displayed In the face OF so great
calamity.
Praises Federal Troops
He extolled also the splendid work
of the federal troops as contrasted with
the lack of efficiency of the quarter
masters department
THE greatest lesson to he learned
from the disaster" said the speaker, "is
the lesson of democracy and optimism.
In times of distress the inner nature of
every man is brought to the surface
If the man is strong and honest those
traits will be manifested in times of
calamity, while the same conditions
will reveal the nature of the coward
or the thief.
so 1t was in San Francisco. but the
fortitude of the people of the devastat-
ed city stands as a monument to the
strength and honesty OF the American
people,"
Los Angeles herald., 1906-05-28

John D.. ir, says he admires the
after his pa, all right
Los Angeles herald., 1906-05-28

But can the now $4,000 battleship be
before IT, becomes obsoiete7
Los Angeles herald., 1906-05-28

Miss Orange-Are they in the swim7
Miss Lemon-No, they are only wad-
prS vet
Los Angeles herald., 1906-05-28

The chaplain seems to be about tho
only one in the senate whose word goes
without question as to its truth
Los Angeles herald., 1906-05-28

In real life birds of social feather
are forever fighting to keep from flock
ing together
Los Angeles herald., 1906-05-28
Far-Sighted Web-Footer

Wouldn't Ananias feel right at home
in Washington just now?
Los Angeles herald., 1906-05-28

Someone please give the drug trust
some knockout drops.
Los Angeles herald., 1906-05-28

So many members OF the original
Floradora sextet have wed that those
who mosey along now can scarcely be
called Original" at all.
Los Angeles herald., 1906-05-28

klamath Falls (Ore) Express: Last
Tuesday evening Hugh Clopton's wife
presented him with fine baby girl.
Hugh was pretty long headed in voting
for the new schoolhouse. He was only
anticipating tho education of his future
family.
The grafters all believe in "a long
pull, q strong pull and a pull alto
gether"-also all the time.
The paper trust has turned over
new leaf.
A drop in the bucket really amounts
to something when it is drop in the
bucket shop
Mr.. Poppy-If you'll marry me, I'll
die happy
Miss Pepper-How soon?
Fiddling Bob Taylor ought to carry
some harmony into the senate, any
how
The pope is sitting up again. Is he
taking notice?
Andy Carnegie says If he were poor
he'd work for 81 per day. That is. IL
he could find anyone to hire him, eh?
Los Angeles herald., 1906-05-28
Ages in Building

"The question will often be asked,
How long has been the time occupied
in the excavation of the Grand canyon?
Unfortunately there is no mystery more
inscrutable than the duration of geo.
logical time. On this point biologists
have obtained no satisfactory results
Los Angeles herald., 1906-05-28
Watch Our Smoke

A Scranton, Pa. woman is suing for
divorce because her husband smokes
cigarettes. VIII the tobacco trust per-
nit such things to go on without a pro-
test?-Chicago Record Herald.
king Edward was never better"
says his secretary, in Paris. One has
to be good at 64.
Just as soon as you begin to brag
about your family tree, every one starts
to look for the shady side of it.
Los Angeles herald., 1906-05-28

why lie about ChicagoY" asks one
Of its papers, Because the truth is too
awful for utterance.
Los Angeles herald., 1906-05-28
Pi-LineS and Pick-IJpS
All settIed

Full fast the time approached.
It quickly draweth nigh,
When we will have we'll settled
All questions meath the sky.
The earthquake and the tariff,
Vesuvius, and such.
The rearing OF the baby,
The ethics Of the Dutch,
And scores Of other problems,
Too lengthy to relate.
Pray. who will solve thom for us?
The sweet girl graduated
The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1906-02-04
Accidents and Fatigue.

1t was shown by an exhaustive inquiry
OF the subject in France that the number
OF accidents increases progressively hour
by hour during the first half day; that
after tho rest at midday the number OF
accidents is notably less than in the last
hour of the forenoon: that in the course
OF the second half days accidents again
become from hour to hour progressively
more numerous. and that the maximum
number of accidents toward the end of
the second half day is notably higher
than the corresponding maximum in the
morning.
The influence of tho worklngmen's
fatigue on the production of accidents
stands out clearly from these observa-
lions, and it is easy to understand how
this comes about when it is remembered
that with fatigue the attention readily
The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1906-02-04
A Changesin Japanese Character.

For some decades past there has been.
behind all the strenuous honest effort TO
do the best for the country's sake, the
desire to win the complete approval of the
Western nations. u desire which has
caused detractors of Japan to say that her
humanity, her self-denal, even her gal
lantry, all came under tho head of play
ing to tho gallery" The Japanese have
been on probation ever since many of the
present leading men were BORN
The strange change in temper of Ameri-
can newspapers after the opening of the
Portsmouth Negotiations came ASA shock
to the devout believers in American FRIEND
ship a thing which all classes here hold
In wise and tender regard. In other drec-
lions. too, the sudden cooling of kindness
on the accession of respect has not gone
unmarked. The Japanese are very se s,Ia
tive in such matters, and they quite realiZe
that in order to overcome apso , zoe zoe
have been obliged to risk some ancient
and pleasant Friendships This experience
doubtless deepened the prevailing mood e.
Henceforth the Japanese Will never ASK
what foreign nations. think Of him, He lis Is
taking the Tesponsibility onf rer ans ms eM
iery.T All that matters in future Is his
estimate Of hmself.--Mrs Mary Crawford
Fraser, in The Worlds Work.
The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1906-02-04
Had a Delightful Evening.

The Smithdeal Literary and Musical
Society held the first meeting Of the year
In the society hall Friday afternoon. a
large number OF members being In attend
apce. A short programme. consisting OF
music and recitations. was rendered. The
recitations by Misses Cook, Eggleston and
Jacobs were greatly enjoyed, as were also
the vocal solo by Miss Rfttenhouse and
n selection by the quartette. composed OF
Misses Fonvielle and Jennings and Messrs.
carp and Creswell.
great deal OF merrimcnt was caused
by the literary salad contest, Messrs.
Lloyd. wootten. Cohen, Garrett, Calzado
and carp especially distinguishing them
selves in their ability to answer Ques-
The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1906-02-04
Ostriches Are Poor Sailors.

"Ostriches are terrible creatures to havo
aboard ship in a. Storm said sailor.
fall and breal, their legs
1--WE once carried eight superb ostriches.
They were good sailors. Their sea appe-
tites were fine. But two days from port
a nasty gale overlook us.
And then 1t was pitiful to see those
ostriches. The ships lurches and ducks
knocked them off their pins. sent them
rolling back and forth. to and fro, wildly.
Imagine a dozen ostriches now on
their feet. then--bang-on their backs.
their long legs in the air. rolling every
which way What you'd expect to happen
happened of course. Their legs broke.
You could hear above the storm the sharp
crack of the splitting bone.
''Of those eight fine ostrlches, only two
reached port alive
The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1906-02-04

dlminishes and disappears. The conclu-
sion. therefore, is that, in order to pros
duce diminution In the number of ac-
cidents. 1t would be sufficient to inter-
calate in the middle of each half day
of work period OF repose. naturally not
so long as that at midday, hut the
length of which remains to be deter
mined. In fact, one would only have to
apply to the manual labor OF adults the
measures which for a long time have
been put into practice for children as
regards their intellectual labeS.-Phil-
adelphia Telegraph.
The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1906-02-04

a new novel by the author of Quo
Vadis is an event OF more than ordinary
interest in the literary world. On the
Field OF Glory. which Little Brown &
Co. are publishing, is the first book writ
ten by this welll-know'n novelist since the
year 1909. when Knights OF the Cross was
completed The veteran translator. Mr..
Jeremiah Curtin, who has always been
unusually successful in a task that Is by
no means easy, Is to be credited with
the present rendering. And while 1t can
Polish writer's individuality OF style is
lost In the transit. 1t is none the less q
pleasure to read q translation that SO
ably conceals Itself In an easy and fluent
expression. On the Field of Glory is an
historical romance OF the latter part OF
the seventeenth century. The scenes are
laid in Poland and the period is the reign
Of the famous King and national hero.
John Sobieski, Just before the Turkish
invasion OF 1852. The author has woven
into the story many carefully delineated
types, and 1t seems certainly plausible
that he should strike truer note here in
depicting the temperament Of his coun-
trymen and the conditions Of his country
than with any other theme. The romance
is a love story, pure and simple. with a
charmingly natural heroine and any
number of gallant Slav lovers. One
four are united in thought and heart. and
when they find out how they stand each
instantly gives her up for the sake of
the others, in one OF the best drawn
scenes of the story. 1t is, indeed, rather
disappointing that the history of the
is interesting to learn that Mr.. STEM
kienicz has recently been awarded the
well-known Nobel literary prize, which is
worth approximate $4,000.
The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1906-02-04
How the Senate Earns It's Pork.

The short session came to an end on
March !, 1905, with the following records:
Railroad rate legislation only
In COMMITTEES: bill providing for the reor-
mn iie res reached a :, Vote; statehood
bill--failed of passage; appropriation bills
containing pork" for every Senator-all
passed. And pure food legislation, pro-
posed seventeen years previous and con-
sidered by Congress for. four years, was
not accorded a vote In the Senate!
powerful Senators would explain why.
The "kicks from home,' as they are
called. would tell the story. After tho
Dealers Association of America had a
banquet. in celebration of the fact that
the Association had defeated" the pure
food bill.-Henry B. Needham, In The
Worlds Work. II
The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1906-02-04
WORK FOR coUNc1LMEN.
What Local Statesmen Will Be
Doing This Week

There is much work for councilmen to
do this week Committee meetings have
already been called for every night ex-
cept Thursday and Saturday. and 1t is
more than likely that announcements will
be made for those nights before the City
Hall becomes forty-eight hours older
AS at present scheduled, the meetings
will be as follows:
Monday-sub-Financ pocL) Commit
tee e P. NJ, Streets. 8 p NJ: Cemeteries.
1880: Police, elections and Schools. 1880
and the Common Council at P. NJ.
wednesday-Local Assessments at S
P. NJ.
Friday-Joint subcommittee from
Health and Police, Elections and Schools
Committees, at P. M.