The Ely miner. [volume] (Ely, Minn.) 1895-1986, 1906-01-26


was dead, but the giant, who was
mired in out of sight The giant
heard what was said, and he yelled
that he was alive, and wouldn't settle
for less than $40, 900, but the claim agent
said the giant would be dead in Is
minutes in that quicksand, so he would
let him sink, and pay for him as
dead one.
The giant said If they would pull
him out of the mud he would settle
for 800, and they pulled him out,
and the rest of the injured were going
to mob him for settling so cheap.
One of the claim agents found the
bearded woman sitting on hay cock,
combing out her whiskers, and asked
what it would take to settle, and she
said $4,000, and she got up and walked
over to another hay cock where tho
Circassian beauty was drying her
hair, and the claim agent looked at
how spry the bearded woman walked,
and he said to the boss: Il won't give
that fellow with the curly whiskers
single kopeck," and the bearded wom-
an came back and swatted- the claim
agent for calling her fellow. So
they compromised on $500, and she
went behind the haystack and put 1t
in her stocking, which convinced the
claim agent that she wasn't man.
A near-sighted claim agent came to
the haystack where the fat woman
was, and the boss told her now was
her time to have a mess of Mysteries,
so she set up a cry that scared the
agent, who thought there were at
least six women on the haystack,
and he said: What will all you peo-
pie I'D there on the haystack settle
for in lump, for | am in a hurry?"
The fat woman caught on at once,
and said: 1--WE will all settle for $10,
OOO." Then she yelled, and the agent
thought her back was broke, and he
offered $500, and she cried and said:
Make it $4,000" and the agent said:
Il will go you," and he made out a
check, and the fat woman had some
more Mysteries.
had watched the settling all
around, and told pa to be deaf and
dumb when they came to him, and
Just Point to the seat Of his pants in
front and buttoned up behind, and
look as though he was suffering the
tortures of the inquisition, and let me
20 the talking, and l would make the
ola railroad go into a receivers hands.
So pa said: you are the boss" and
be looked so pitiful that l almost
cried.
When the near-sighted claim agent
came to pa, told him that pas last
words were to beg to be shot, and
the man looked at pas pants, and then
at his face, and said: What hit him?
That's the worst case / ever saw in
a railroad wreck"
put my handkerchief to my eyes
and said: "Well, when the shock came,
pa was all right, as handsome man
as you would often see. / think there
must have been pile driver on the
rain that struck him, and changed
sides with him, knocking his stomach
around on the back side of him, and
placing his spinal column around in
front of him, where his stomach was
and causing him to lose the sense of
speech. Think of a middle-aged man
going through life mixed up in that
manner, having to sit down on his
stomach, and having his backbone star
ing him in the face. How does he
know when he takes food in his mouth,
that it can corkscrew itself around
under his arm, and eventually find his
stomach? How man can be ground
and twisted, and nauled, and stamped
on by a reckless locomotive with a
crazy engineer and drunken fireman,
rolled over by box cars, and walked
on by elephants, and still live, is
beyond me. AS he told me before he
lost the power of speech, not to be too
hard on the railroad company, though
some railroads would be glad to pay
him $4,000, and no questions asked,
he begged me, as heir to his estate, to
let you off for paltry $4,000"
Pa made up the darndest face, and
groaned The agent called another
agent, and they whispered together,
and finally the first one came to me
and asked pas full name, and then
the two of them got out a fountain
pen, and they made out check, and
he said: "This is the first case in the
history of railroad wrecking that the
agent has not had the heart to try to
beat the injured party down. This
is certainly the most pitiful case that
has ever been known, and il your ia
Their ever comes to his senses you can
tell him he is welcome to the money"
The agents shook hands with pa and
I, and went away to their train, and
pa winked at me- and wrecking train
came and we got on special, and got
TO Pittsburg before breakfast, and pa
is going to buy me dog out Of the
money.
Gee, but there is all kinds OF money
in the circus business. Pa is gong
to wear his pants hind side before un-
til we get out of Pittsburg.