davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Los Angeles herald., 1906-10-28
A GOOD METHOD, BUT

John Inglis, the crop expert. had been
describing some of his forecastlng
methods.
"You see," he ended. laughing.
"these forecasts don't seem so remark
able when you once know how to set
about making them. The result, no
doubt, is wonderful enough; yet the
method of obtaining 1t Is simple.
"Simple methods give always the
best results. You know the story of
the parlor maid and the two young
men? q
"Wel, a certain clever parlorVpaid
hurried to her young lady one ev&ng
and said brea thlessly:
"'Oh, Miss Fanny, both them young
gents you are engaged to has called.
and they're in the parlor together, and
somehow they've found out you've
been false to each, and it looks to me
as If there's going to be some terrible
trouble
"'What shall do? What shall /
do?' Miss Fanny moaned, as her pow
derpuff dropped from her nerveless
fingers.
"T'll fix it, said the clever maid,
after a moment of deep thought. I'll
go and say you're crying your eyes out
because your pa has lost all his money.
Then you can keep the one what stays.
"FGood, good Miss Fanny cried.
"The maid withdrew. Some minutes
passed Then she returned with a
scared, awed face
both gents is gone she said"
Los Angeles herald., 1906-10-28
A CONGRESSMAN'S DISGRACE

Congressman McLachlan is enga ged
now in paying for his recent nomi-
nation by the S. P.-Repubican ma
chine for another term in congress.
The work cut out for Mr.. McLachlan
by his political masters is not repu-
| table, but the worker has no choice.
The job consists in trying to defeat
the most loyal capable and efficient
county assessor that Los Angeles has
had for many years. Assessor Ward,
like McLachlan himself, is a candidate
for reelection; but the assessor un-
like the congressman, is not the nom-
inee of the politico-railway machine
combination.
A man with more respect for the
position of representative in congress
would not Stoop to the level of doing
the work of the combine even for the
assurance of life tenure in that posi-
tion. That the work is unworthy of
a man honored as McLachlan has been
is apparent to every Los Angeles county
voter who can read and think. "
Assessor Ward gained the everlast-
ing enmity of the Southern Pacific
company and certain other corpora
tions by assessing the property thereof
in accordance with the rule of equal
Justice TO all. The assessor did not
recognize the rights of the corpora
tions to specially low tax schedules,
whereby the load thus shirked was
shifted to the shoulders of other and
more honest taxpayers. That was the
alpha and omega of Assessor Wards
offending.
But that was enough. The iron rule
was applied that no man can enjoy
the political favor of the corporations
without mortgaging to them his man.
hood and his official services, subject
to foreclosure without notice. Refusal
to dump part of the corporate tax
load on individual taxpayers was rec
ognized as an offense punishable by
political decapitation.
And so, in the herculean effort to
defeat Ward in the coming election,
the combine is resorting to every
method, no matter what, to put in
his place a machine-made official, who
is expected to be as plant as clay
in the hands of the potter.
Humiliating it is to admit that the
representative in congress of the proud
Los Angeles district is engaged now,
and working to the limit of his energy
and ability, in helping to defeat Hon
est Ben Ward, and doing this by com
mand of bis corporate masters. But
McLachlan evidently feels that by thus
bartering his manhood and loyalty to
the people he may continue in congress
until the crack of doom, If he should
live so long.
Los Angeles herald., 1906-10-28
HOW TO ESCAPE JURY DUTY

''Here's my fall trade just setting in
good, and I've got to go and serve on
u jury"
"Would you like to escape jury
duty?"
'I certainly would"
"Well, L have escaped it for twenty
years. I'll tell you how. Twenty years
ago l was drawn for jury duty. and the
first day went to court, man, hear
ing me complaining, said:
"I'll have you relieved from jury
duty forever if you'll pay me $10.'
"This man was in black-a suit of
full mourning-maybe, for all I know,
he made a business of the thing. At
any rate I said I'd pay the $1O and
he led me into court with him.
"In court the names Of the various
empaneled jurymen were called, but
when it came to my name, the man in
black motioned me to keep quiet Then
he with a kind of groan, rose to his
feet, holding a white handkerchief in
his black-gloved hand.
"'Are you John Smith? says the
clerk.
"'No, SIR says the man, in chok-
ing voice, John Smith, my second cou-
sin, is dead. He died last night of
consumption. The doctor told me to
come here and inform the court
"'Oh,' says the clerk, in kind voice,
Sorry to have given you all this trou-
BILE, sir. Thank you. Jim, scratch John
Smiths name off our list, he added,
turning to his assistant.
"That was twenty years ago, and I
have never been troubled about jury
duty since"
Los Angeles herald., 1906-10-28
REDUCING THE RISK OF TRAVEL

Statistics covering the mortality
among passengers and employees @on
American railroads in 1905 are again
eloquent in their argument for more
and better safeguards in the equip
ment and operation of trains. In the
twelve months ended June 80, 1905, an
average of rs persons were killed and
23S injured every day. In the entire
period covered by the interstate COM
merce commissions report 9703 per-
sons Were salin and S600S others We're
more or less seriously hurt. One pas
senger out of every 1,375,S56 carried
met death and one in every 20, 1855 was
injured. Altogether, the casualties on
American railroads for a year exceed
ed by nearly 10000 those on both the
Japanese and Russian sides during the
siege of Port Arthur, and were almost
equal to one-fourth the number of
Japanese and Russian troops killed
and injured during the war.
1t is acknowledged, Of course, that
travel on American railroads is becom-
ing more nearly devoid Of risk, but
there is still room for the introduction
of reforms that would reduce the dam
ger to a minimum. When the Officers
and owners of railroads find that it
is the part of economy as we'll as Of
humanity to supply the necessary safe
guards tie menace to life and limb
will be practically removed. Enforce
ment of laws already on the books and
the enactment of others to fix the
responsibility for carelessness seem to
be the remedies at hand.-St. Louis
Republic.
Los Angeles herald., 1906-10-28
The Lantern

Love went laughing by the house
With lantern in his hand
From q round of high carouSe
out peer'd to see him pass,
Caught a flicker on the glass,
And I ask'd laughing lass,
One / thought might understand,
Vino 1t was went by the house
With lantern in his hand.
So we tumbled out. we two,
And we follow'd far and steep
Until neither of us knew,
When the birds awoke from sleep
And the sky was turning blue,
If 1t merely Were the peep ~
OF star across the land,
Or a will o. the wisp with pass
OF this wand tho way he fieW.
But he waited in the dew,
Waited laughing for us two,
While help'd the little lass;
And we saw his eyes grow deep,
And we knew our love was truo-
So when now the flashes pass
We may wholly understand
Who Is watching by tho house
With lantern In his hand.
-Witter Bynner, in Eyerybody's Maya
zinc.
Los Angeles herald., 1906-10-28
WOMAN'S HIGHER SPHERE

Up in Chicago, the town of freaks,
lately one Miss Elizabeth Magic, an
office girl, publicly offered to sell her
self to the highest bidder among the
men-for why? Because she was
aweary of the ceaseless grind of pound
ing a typewriter, which she pictur-
esquely described as hell"
And what does she offer in return +?
To become the purchasers wife; to
keep his house; to cook and bear chill
dren and sink herself in the duties of a
family life! She, a feminine wage
Garner, bachelor girl, a new woman,
if you please; she says the pinnacle
toward which her sex has strven for
twenty years is simply "hell," and she
will gladly go back to household drudg-
cry if some man will let her.,
The wiseacres may poke fun at Miss
Magic, but in the eternal adjustment OF
things she is right, albeit pioneer
She is hereto, but the heretics of to-
! day are the saints and prophets of to-
morrow. She knows whereof she speaks
for she has been through this hell"
for years, and she gives forth the
plant from the bitterness of her own
! heart.
! This young womans rebellion comes
as clarion cry to her sex, bidding 1t
give pause; telling 1t to look back over
it's two or three decades of "emancipa-
tion," and, taking stock of itself then
and now, estimate its gains and losses.
Were the pioneers Of this "emancipa-
tion" all wrong? In ''freelng herself
from servitude," has she at the same
time not put herself into worse bond
age-that of the petty wage Garner in
stead Of the loved and honored wage
spender? That OF the fierce but hope
less competitor with man, instead Of
| the ideal of his devotion?
Certainly women are showing a sur
prising amount Of discomfort with pres
ent wage-eslning conditions. The girl
! worker mourneth for her lost birthright
Los Angeles herald., 1906-10-28

and VIII not be contented because she
hath Il not. She sought freedom from
marriage bonds; she has II. and It
proves Dead Sea apples, crumbllng 60
ashes in her hands. Instead Of q home
and a man to protect and love her
which every real woman craves--she
must sit at a typewriter and pound
keys all day long" She finds truly that
Nature did not intend her for a celi-
bate. and the machine Is poor sub
stitute for the cradle; the Office is a
wretched excuse FOR the home. Nature
demands its debt. one cannot serve
God and mammon.
But this girl Is wrong when she
blames man for her continuance in this
business grind. He may be somewhat
at fault; the average man thrown with
the average business woman-positive,
self-assertive. physiological and indif-
ferent-is not especially charmed by
her. For in taking ON something of
masculinity. she has inevitably lost
some Of her own sex's delicacy, tender
ness and bloom. But she herself has
done much by her fierce. sharp and
unbusinessllkc competition TO take mar
riage out of the range of possibility
for many Of the sterner' sex. Too often
living at home, she works FOR compen-
sation far below that which a married
pair must have; to her, it is pin money: :
to him, it means a living for two. She
has brought salaries down to a merely
existence level, and has left man no
choice but to lower his own rates, and
remain single.
There is no gansaying this. A quar-
ter of a century ago a good bookkeeper
commanded 800 even as a minimum:
today scores are working, men and
women, for $3.50 up per week. Clerks
formerly received $15 a week where
$3.50 is paid now. Stenographers used
to be in demand, from 500 up to their
own figures; now they take $5 week
and are satisfied. Can man compete
with these prices, and then take unto
himself wife? Hardly. So they get
as good jobs as they can for them
selves, and live without the feminine
companion whom God intended for
them, the while she eats out her heart
and her life in vain effort to snare him,
meanwhile finding the very situation,
that she has created hell"
Nature, in the end, rights her own
wrongs; be it sooner or later, the great
law of compensation prevails. Woman
within quarter of a century has upset
the plan Of the ages, and has attempted
to take the places of the sterner sex,
for which God never intended her. She
finds it only hell" She has discovered
this for herself, after bitter travail and
disappointment; her airy dream of
freedom" is but hideous nightmare
of industrial slavery. Is she now ready
to see the dawn Of a new day by re-
turning to her reals place as mans
queen instead of his competitor?
Los Angeles herald., 1906-10-28

1t was notorious that the refugee camps
we're filed with persons who had no
legitimate claim on public support; that
the camps and squatter settlements had
been the scene Of much crime. It
should not be diff Hcult for the relief COM
missioners to obtain accurate informa-
tion respecting the character of every
person now subsisting on the fund,
though the camp commanders will tell
one that 1t ls impossible to keep track
OF so many thousand families without
tyrannlcal intrusion into their affairs.
Opportunities for Demagoeues
The other day the leading spirits Of a
coterie Of trouble brewers in one of the
main camps organized for the purpose
of getting quick action In the disburse-
ment of relief funds. After several vlo-
lent outbursts of oratory they Issued q
circular to the effect that on n certain
day later in the week, also naming the
hour. all refugees should appear at the
headquarters of the relief corporation
to receive his and her share of the few
millions of cash left on hand. At the
hour named in the circular many
thousand anxious refugees appeared
before the headquarters, each one
struggling desperately and Vallantly to
be the first one to get his allotment.
OF course there was no money to be
dispensed, but the Canard served It's
purpose in allowing the demagogue
responsible for the assemblage to adj
dress the mob. The neighborhood soon
resounded with shouts of graft, theft
and fraud, until finally the reserves mad
to disperse the crowd with their CLUBS
and threats of arrest. u. w. Z.
Los Angeles herald., 1906-10-28

Thus far during the month of October
6SS building permits have been issued,
valued at N,672,752, and the remaining
three days of'the month will put the
total up to $780, 900. October is never
a very active month, as 1t corresponds
with the August of eastern cities in
warmth and quiet. But there arc no
really dull months in the growth Of
Los Angeles
Los Angeles herald., 1906-10-28

The great gold mines and the busy
new camps and towns of Southern Ne
vada, picturesquely described in to-
days Herald. mark the dawn of a
splendid future for our neighboring
state. They also link Nevada to Los
Angeles with ropes OF gold, over the
new Salt Lake line. The days of the
old Comstoek lode are revivified in
these splendid Developments out on the
grim desert
Los Angeles herald., 1906-10-28

Charles NJ. Schwab's proposed inva-
sion Of Southern Nevada with party
of New York capitalists ought to pro-
duce splendid results in the develop
ment OF this great mining country.
Los Angeles herald., 1906-10-28

The Evening Snooze is fighting Ben
Ward-the only paper that is. The
corporations are fighting Ben Ward.
Ergo, the corporations own the snooze.
Can you beat it?
Los Angeles herald., 1906-10-28

If Attorney General Webb attended to
San Pedro's interests half as vigorously
as he plays San Francisco politics-but
he doesn't.
Los Angeles herald., 1906-10-28

Langdon says he holds the office If
he had stayed in it instead OF chasing
rainbows his occupancy would never
have been questioned.
Los Angeles herald., 1906-10-28

NO CHANCE FOR A MISTAKE.
Prosecuting Attorney-You are willing
20 swear that " was tho prisoner at the
Witness-Yes, Yer Honor. l could not
be mistaken! There was only i6 fellers
shooting At the time so I could easy
Los Angeles herald., 1906-10-28
Pi-IineS and Pfck-UpS
Hope

Hope
The skimpy clouds blow cross the sky
And turn sraylsh black:
We rush about and gaze at 'em
The while our breath comes slack.
They portend but simple shower
They promise little hope.
But even for that little bit
We pray and beg and grope
You bet our sunshine is ''the goods"
We boast I'm phrases vain;
But just about this day and hour.
Goshl how we wish 'twould ralni
Railroad passes are abolished January
]. Shoe prices are increased now. Thus
we get 1t going and coming
King Edward says he can't live on
S2,5VOOOO year. He might give UP
bridge and the ponies.
The president will take the Panama
trip November 8. He can't go till he
sees Hughes beat Hearst.
Funston has been assigned to ST.
Louis In view Of It's pending election?
Orange-How can improve my time?
Lemon-Tal<e 1t to a matchmaker.
The Illinois woman suffrage convert
tion says 'Flatter man and feed him
well.' That's not so bad.
Sousa is writing two new uuicksteps.
What the politicians want is new
sidestep.
Chicago and Boston should be friends.
Each furnishes an essential part of the
pork and beans.
A famous musician is experimenting
with his music on cats. Getting even,
eh?
Poppy-The doctor says I can't play
golf.
Magnolia could have told you that
Man does things on a bigger scale
than woman. She paints her face; he
paints the town.
AS marriage is q place where family
jars are made is it q pottery?
A Chinese in Philadelphia tried to
iron overalls in which was railroad
torpedo He had fine funeral.
Nowadays we could use few sim
plified spellbinders.
Palm-Are those eggs fresh laid?
Pepper-Ever hear of an egg laid
stale?
Boni has one excuse for living; he's
the great horrible example for girls
anxious to marry O. title.
Bishop Fallows says ones morals
depend on what one eats. How hungry
some men are!
Odorless limberger L eing now fact
let's have the odorless campaign cigar
Castro is better, say the dispatches.
Could he have been worse?
The presidents New York house is
for rent. Must figure on another term.
San Francisco-An Appeal
o stricken city by the western sea,
Affliction seems to take you for her
So much has come to make you weep
and moan,
So much to bow your head in misery!
The trembling earth that writhed to be
set free;
The flame that ate your body to the
bone;
The homeless struggle that you since
have known,
And borne so bravely. that the world
might see
You dauntless in your woe--all these
and more
Have failed to cast you down or
shake your trust
In your great destiny. But now,
the worsti
Your sons turn traitor to their ma
tive shore,
And rob their mother-ravish her
in lust!
Rise up, rise up and slay them,
the accursed!
w, H. c.
Los Angeles herald., 1906-10-28

Langdon's scheme to become mar
tyr has petered out. Had he attended
to his duties he wouldn't be in his
present fix.
Los Angeles herald., 1906-10-28

Remember, Gillett's hand rests on
Ruef's shoulder, and Ruef's freedom,
he hopes, will rest on Gillett's election.
Los Angeles herald., 1906-10-28

Ruef's main hope now rests upon a
governor. Ruef helped nominate Gill
lett There you are.
Los Angeles herald., 1906-10-28

Yes, the Ruef who helped nominate
Gillett is the same Ruef now in the
shadow of the law.
Los Angeles herald., 1906-10-28

The Snooze has come out against Ben
Ward. obeying its corporation mas.
ters' voice, Ell?
Los Angeles herald., 1906-10-28

The man who abandons his sworn
duties to run after another office is not
fit for it, either.
Los Angeles herald., 1906-10-28

Bell comes Saturday. Hold your en-
thusiasm till then.
Los Angeles herald., 1906-10-28

The very fact that the corporations
are against Ben Ward is his strongest
plea for reelection.
Los Angeles herald., 1906-10-28

Don't talk about that photograph;
it can't be explained" Southern Pacific
machine orders.
Los Angeles herald., 1906-10-28

Bell is free alike from Hearst yell
lows, Southern Pacific-Ruef contamina-
tons and all uncIeanness.
Los Angeles herald., 1906-10-28

Hearst helped put Ruef into office.
The yellow boy must bear his share Of
the blame.
Los Angeles herald., 1906-10-28

Only political boss like Ruef can
have the nerve to prosecute his own
misdeeds.
Los Angeles herald., 1906-10-28
Population Of Los Angeles. ISL. .463

San Francisco now reaps the whirl-
wind.
Los Angeles herald., 1906-10-28

Los Angeles has chance to avoid
San Francisco's fix by voting a nom
partisan ticket.
Los Angeles herald., 1906-10-28

"Gillett and Abe Ruefs pardon."-
The new Republican ticket.
Los Angeles herald., 1906-10-28

Langdon "got his when he was re-
moved, and he had it coming to him,
too.
Los Angeles herald., 1906-10-28

Gillett owes his nomination to Ruef.
VIII Ruef owe his pardon to Gillett?
Los Angeles herald., 1906-10-28

Ruef is Gillett's political godfather
He may need Gillett in his business.
Los Angeles herald., 1906-10-28

You don't hear Bells name connected
with Ruef's, do you?
Los Angeles herald., 1906-10-28

Ruef and Gilett; Hearst and Herrin
California's quartet of dsgraces.
Los Angeles herald., 1906-10-28

Certainly, Abe Ruef helped name Gil
lett. Will Gillett help Ruef if elected?
Los Angeles herald., 1906-10-28

How does Gillett like his main sup
port, Abe Ruef now?
Los Angeles herald., 1906-10-28

Meanwhile Schmitz enjoys Europe
and picks out his future home there.
Los Angeles herald., 1906-10-28
Excessive Interes

Excessive Interest
Unmindful of our own affairs,
Our neighbors make us curious.
The interest we take in theirs
Is really quite usurious.
philadelphia Press.
Los Angeles herald., 1906-10-28
SAN FRANCISCO NOW A SETTLING CAL DRoN

Incompetence Corruption
Dishonesty Of the city Administration
Special correspondence Now veni Post
Los Angeles herald., 1906-10-28

Judge-IIave you anything to say why
sentence should not be passed on your
Bigamist-Just think of my families.
judge.
Los Angeles herald., 1906-10-28

Railroad passes are abolished January
!. Shoe prices are increased now. Thus
we get 1t going and coming.
Los Angeles herald., 1906-10-28

King Edward says he can't live on
$2,5VOOOO year. He might give up
bridge and the ponies. 3
Los Angeles herald., 1906-10-28
GIVE HIMsELF AWAY.

Judge-The witness positively identifies
you as the burglar.
Daring Bill-How could he Identify me
when he had his head covered up In the
bedclothing all the timer
Los Angeles herald., 1906-10-28
PLEADS IGNORANCE.

Judse-How did you come TO get
drunk?
Defendant-Faith Yer Honor. Oln not
to blame. Oi didn't know what OF was
dom.
Judge You didn't How was that2
Defendant-Well, ye see. sor, OF was
under tn influence OF liquor whin Oh
Shtarted.
Los Angeles herald., 1906-10-28

The president will take the Panama
trip November s. He can't go till he
sees Hughes beat Hearst.
Los Angeles herald., 1906-10-28

Funston has been assigned to st.
Louis. In view Of Its pending election?
Los Angeles herald., 1906-10-28

The Illinois woman suffrage convefi-
tion says: "Flatter man and feed him
we'll" That's not so bad.
Los Angeles herald., 1906-10-28

Orange-How can improve my time :?
Lemon-Take 1t to matchmaker.
Los Angeles herald., 1906-10-28
NO CHANCE TO AGREE.

Judge-And is there no chance for an
agreement?
If Your Honor will give me back the
gun that was took from me when we
was locked up. reckon kin bring these
here II onery critters to time in less than
for an agreement while I'm lackin a
strong argument
Los Angeles herald., 1906-10-28

Sousa is writing two new quicksteps.
What the politicians want is a new
sidestep.
Los Angeles herald., 1906-10-28

Chicago and Boston should be friends.
Each furnishes an essential part Of the
pork and beans.