West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1906-02-01

oculated with the virus of pie,
which DR.. Thomas Fleming Lanha m
assured them was the only prevent.
ative against smallpox. the wolf
in ths-tail and the hollow horn. |
must say that in the inoculation of
myself that | have escaped all three
of the dreaded diseases. But my
brethren back in Taylor, if may
judge from the letter which l have
just received from Bro. Gus Bolden,
have not been so fortunate. But
here is Bro. Bolden's letter, read il
for yourself
1--WE nave been told by Bill that
there is a tide in the life of all men,
if taken when the Tygarts Valley
freshet comes in. that will decide
whether you are in the swim. Bro.
Willie Eddie Tomblin, who has
been. an omnivorous reader of Bills
tides, has been silently and prayer.
fully sitting on the banks of the Ty-
CARTS Valley waiting for the freshet
TO come in that he might drift out
with it and strike anchor before he
went over the falls. But he has
been doomed TO disappointment.
The consumption of water has been
so great in Grafton since the push
doors have been shadowed by a
strange gentleman visiting our town
that rain Prophet Blue says the ele-
ments cannot let loose fast enough
TO swell the tide in the valley 10
bring on another freshet. 1t was in
this anticipated freshet that Bro.
'romblin proposed to launch his
boom for State Senator
"Charles Preston Guard, our
sweet poet of the valley and warbler
Of the hills, comes out in a public,
but poetic gem, in which he AYERS
that there is just enough water in
the Tygarts VolIey TO drown Bro.
Tomblin's Senatorial boom This,
as Bill would remark, is the unkind-
est cut of all.
"But this is not all the grief that
Bro. Willie Tomblin is suffering
from; grief that the mustard plaster
cannot alleviate. He is greatly de-
bliated from his long siege of the
assessment fever, which has been so
prevalent and epidemic among our
farmers who have come in contact
with the true and actual value of
the situation. Bro. Tomblin, whom
you know to be a true and tried
friend of yonr Machine, was the
gentleman whom Gov. Dawson APP
pointed as his interpreter OF your
new tax laws for the county of Tay-
lor. Unless you were given a key
to the Dawson tax laws you could
not interpret them on cloudy or
rainy day. AS the weather has con
tinued in this condition since the
discovery Of the Dawson laws Bro.
Tomblin was the only man in Taylor
who could interpret the laws, with
out doing violence TO mis- conscience,
or appearing on ihe streets with a
blue ribbon to escape the vigilance
Of the police.
"But all this grief of Bro. Tomb.
Inns, which | have enumerated,
pals into insignifcance compared
with the torture which the farmers
have arranged for the slow roasting
of our dear brother in his chase for
the Elusive State Senatorship. The
farmers are holding a series of re-
vival meetings Throughout the coun-
ty looking to the conversion of the
Dawson tax laws. A courier who
ljust arrived from the Knottsville
settlement states that one of the
horny handed sons of ploughing and
corn huskiDg fraternity declared
that Bro. Tomblin assessed his ram
so high that he is perfectly useless
TO him as a rammer. Another one
Of ;he grangers stated that Bro.
Willle's Interpretation of the value
of bis buck put him out of the buck
ing business. Others charged Bro.
Tombin with the henious crime OF
assessing the old family rooster,
which had been scratching for the
succulent worm in the barnyard for
the past ten years, away beyond the
value placed upon il by the neigh Dor.
ing coons who have a weakness for
chicken pot pie. 1t was further al
legged that Bro. Willie was unusually
severe on old speck who has pro.
vided us with so many egg nogs
when our spirits were low and no
pie in sight TO. the defenders of the
Machine and the Dawson tax laws.
"lt was the urgent request Of Bro
Tombin that I write you and ap
prise you OF the assessment trouble
he is battling with. RI you can Of.
fer any suggestion whereby the
rams, the bucks, the roosters and
the old specks will not haunt him
in his dreams Of State Senatorship
1 am authorized by him to ask you
to name your price. Bro. Jim Holt
and myself, who a-e the recognized
peacemakers among quarrelling pie
men, have advised Bro. Tomblin "a
sail for South Africa and join Gov.
Dawson.
"Write me at your earliest con
venience advising me ifthe Machine
can do anything to save Bro. Tom
blin and gain him a State Senator
ship. The real estate assessor pi,
which he has been feasting on hai
destroyed his appetite for mother
doughnuts and corn dodger"
This is but fair sample Of tn,
lamentation which is coming to N,
from all over the State. Is it an,