The Spanish Fork press. [volume] (Spanish Fork, Utah) 1902-current, 1906-09-06

mosquito netting over the vocshu,.,.
. Uectuse II you only say to him. ,tJo,y,.
sue health| you will find in the ma
ne paper a column interview. in which
you nave decided to run for mitado
On tAe Democratic ticket
uood Togie: When Won arr,vs N,
cue depot In your home town Won will
n ,,nu ''ned up in front OF the baggage
,oon about 81 young ladies. all With
,neir lips puckered UP in the most
Togic. "'ut no w.
Friend Togie: Resist the avn,
temptation to 60 down the line ana
pant burning kisses on the front teeth
VI lhese beautiful maidens. because
'l.er planting these kisses the harvest
VIII De the long grass Of o'~vion, and
you VIII md yourself rushing madly
through the comic papers trying 10
pite all the fair ladies therein
flhe Togie: -Wher YOU meet mi,
awlul situation, as meet it YOU will
sneer gently at the puckered Inns and
repeat over and over the old proyerb:
osculaliop is the thief of reputation.
Inen with naughty glance at ths
lauy kissing bugs jump quickly into
your ginrickeyshaw and GALLON swiftly
nome to the loving arms of your wife
IL the kissing buggettas should fol-
10" you to the sacred precincts of the
acme circle send your mother In "
out with the broomstick, and may a
KIND heaven help those who canno,
run fast enough.
Beloved Togle:-Now listen with
all your ears. This advise | give YOU
from the heart. Don't let any com.
mittee present you with a house.
Handsome Togie: Avoid this house
proposition as you would creditor.
Remember, Togie, that the public
likes to honor hero by giving him
something expensive, and then dis.
honor him afterwards by watching
what he does with 1t.
Noble Togie: There are only two
ways a hero can remain hero in this
strange world of ours. One way is to
die just after he has heroed, and the
other way is to get in a glass case and
stay there-but he must buy the glass
case himself.
Unbeatable Togie:-When the pub
lie gets Jag of JOY from the intoxica.
ton OF your success they will surely
rush up to you with the plans and
specifications of fine bungalow with
hot and cold gas and running servants
but when they do so just place the
left hand in the apex of the waistcoat
and say to them with a cold glitter in
the lamps: I thank you, public, fol-
this display of generosity, but
would prefer that you keep the bun.
galow and | will keep my own little
fiat on One Hundred and Ninth street
because know the janitor there and
he never steals the milk"
Nice Togie:-Republics and any old
kind of publics are always grateful
while the jag of joy lasts. They are
dead anxious to give hero more thar
is coming to him, but after the jag OF
JOY wears off then comes the bitteI
morning after, when they wake III
with the head full of third-rail mi
crobes and the tongue like a bridge
with the draw open, and they keel
saying to themselves: Why did
give that hero such a nice house, be
cause, to save my soul, can't remem
Der just what kind of heroing he die
to deserve it.
MY dear Togie:-Avoid the kissing
buggettas and don't pay any attention
to the house committee and possibly
you will be able to keep on YOU
heroesque way to the bitter end.
al have never been hero myself
Togie, with the exception of one after
moor. when sunk an armored cruiser
cook in our kitchen after she hat
swallowed a bottle of vodka and wa!
bombarding the gas stove with our bes
set of china dishes, but / love all thu
heroes, and If any little advise of mine
could help a hero to keep busy at thu
lob of heroing | would be pleased ant
tickled internally. Yours with love,
"UNCLE PETER"
Togo hasn't replied as yet, bu
Uncle Peter expects postal card o.
a hand-painteu fan in every mail.