davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Los Angeles herald., 1906-01-15
AMONG OURSELVES
Matter of "R"

But, tell me-" said the pretty girl.
thoughtfully, why is it you always
send your poems to the editors by
mail, instead of taking them down in
person?"
well, I'll tell you" responded the
struggling bard. when 1 send them
by mail am likely to get a rejection"
Then you should submit them in
person."
mo, then L would likely get an
election. Daily News.
Los Angeles herald., 1906-01-15

Ferdinand Sulzberger, one of the
packers who confessed guilt in the beef
trust cases and was fined, admits that
he was once before convicted of fraud
and served a Jail sentence therefor,
They used to punish more effectively
some years ago, it seems. A few jail
sentences nowadays might make such
arrogant plutocrats as Rogers more
amena BILE to the laws.
Los Angeles herald., 1906-01-15
Huh

chesty?"
"Why, man, that fellow used to con-
duct the Through the Looking Glass
column on a paper down in Indiana.
If you look close you'll see a cute little
halo around his head when his hat Is
off. He knows Riley and all those big
guns by sight. Why shouldn't he walk
chesty?"
Los Angeles herald., 1906-01-15
Pi-LimeS and Pick-UpS
NAWness

Hebrew and Gentle, in the club,
Disputed as to recognition;
The latter held the former there
Was quite beyond his true position.
"You are too new for social grace,
Fen in this democratic nation.
An ancestor of mine, sir, signed
The independence Declaration"
"ITuhl Vos ist das?' the Hebrew said;
you know nod efen we're you standt!
Hence!
Ill tole you dis-mine ancestor
Vonce signt der vamous Den Com
mandments!"
Los Angeles herald., 1906-01-15

An eastern concern which promised
to bring the dead TO life has become
defunct through the operations of the
fraud law. 1t may now test the inef-
ficacy of its own dope.
Los Angeles herald., 1906-01-15
WILL WALK TO CONGRESS If
KentuckIan Says He viii Tramp t.
the Capital When Elected;
That ls, When
Special to The Herald,

Special to The Herald.
OWpNSBORO, KY, Jan. 14.-Mun-
nell wilson has announced his oandi-
dacy for congress from the second Ken
lucky district, and says II elected he
will walk to Washington to take his
seat. He was elected to the legislat-
TIRE from Hopkins county, owing to the
fact that he walked about the county
and made his campaign. lie Is now
walking 800 miles to Frankfort to take
his seat.
Los Angeles herald., 1906-01-15

Balfour, having been beaten at the
polls in his own electoral district, will
now proceed to run again in a district
where election is certain. How con-
venient such scheme would prove for
lot of politicians in the United
States!
Los Angeles herald., 1906-01-15

The Santa Fe expects to spend $500
600 this spring in erecting a freight
station three blocks long, on the east
side of the river. Especial accommo-
dations for the citrus fruit trade will
be a feature.
Los Angeles herald., 1906-01-15

wrecked in the gale Off the Atlantic
coast. The fool policy of sending so
unwieldy craft around the world in
the dead Of winter will be to blame II
the immensely costly dock is lost.
Los Angeles herald., 1906-01-15

When, a lad has conscience enough
to come back and admit his guilt, after
having stolen a bicycle and reached
Corona. he is not wholly bad. Young
Carl Hoyt. who did this is a fit sub
ject for probation, it would seem.
Los Angeles herald., 1906-01-15

II. IT. Rogers counsel claims the
Standard oil hearing in New York is
not .dienihed" As Rogers himself
cut up the only monkeyshines he
should hardly be justified in pleading
his own didoes as a defense.
Los Angeles herald., 1906-01-15
Little Difference

"Really," said the X-ray operator to
the surgeon, there is only a grammat-
ical distinction between our profess
sions.''
"Do you think so?" asked the sur
geon.
"Certainly. I see bones and you saw
bones" s"-Bystander
Los Angeles herald., 1906-01-15

The rain has slipped away from here
after three days Of wetness. Los An
geles could have stood more, but is
thankful for small favors. Better light
and frequent rains than downpours and
long droughts.
Los Angeles herald., 1906-01-15
Three and Out

waiter do you mean to say this is
the steak I ordered?"
Eyes, sah"
This looks like the same steak the
gentleman across the table refused to
eat a few minutes ago"
"Yes, sab; we always tries ii three
times before we gives II up, sah"-
Milwaukee Sentinel
Los Angeles herald., 1906-01-15
Reduces the Demands

"You may send me only half the
usual quantity of meat until further
notice" said the customer who keeps
boarding house.
whats the matter, mum; some of
your boarders leaVing?" asked the
butcher, sympathetically.
"Oh, no." was the reply, "but three
of my gentlemen dodgers are in love-"
-Tit-Bits.
Los Angeles herald., 1906-01-15

East Hollywood wants TO join Los
Angeles and Colegrove bankers to come
in, while other territory over Pasadena
way is begging for admittance. Los
Angeles will have TO spread her skirts
once more.
Los Angeles herald., 1906-01-15

snow down into the canyon Of the
Blackwood. / had come to the jumping
off place. The horses were wiser than
7. They were looking elsewhere, and
before | could draw a rein, had I wished
to do so, went galloping toward a
box-like inclosure built of rawhides
and only few hundred yards distant.
We must have passed by few seconds
before and missed 1t. The hut was
owned by two trappers, who Fortunate
ly were near by. They had been driven
from the hut by the storm and had
taken refuge in a cave.
Packed In Snow and Ice
"They lifted me from the horse and
poured stimulants down my throat. For
twenty-four hours they packed me i'm
ice and snow like a corpse. My hands,
cheeks, nose and ears were frozen, and
that was the treatment of those rude
doctors of the frontier. A New York
hospital physician could have done no
better, and in a few days l was able
to continue my trip.
But did not forget my oath. sold
my outfit and pulled out for Cheyenne.
From there | went to San Francisco,
and there began my career as a pro-
fessional rife shot in Oakland on
Washington's birthday, and / think /
may say without egotlsm that in one
day l became famous.
my record since that time is pretty
we'll known, as It has been duly
chronicled by the press as the events
have occurred during the past eighteen
years. But this is, l believe, the first
time that have told the story of why
and how ! happened to become a pro-
fessional marksman''
Los Angeles herald., 1906-01-15
oentIeman-eent

"see here!" cried the editor, did I
understand you to tell that caller that
any old thing would be proper evening
dress for a gentlemanW
mo, indeed" replied the correspon-
denee editor, "he asked me what would
be the proper evening dress for a
gent philadelphia Ledger.
Los Angeles herald., 1906-01-15

kentucky proposes to install in Stat
uary hall, in the national capitol, eff
gies of Henry Clay and William Goe-
bel. All will agree that the former is
a most fitting selection, but the latter
is not. His one claim to greatness was
his murder, and state that has a
Daniel Boone unrecognized belittles it.
self in remembering anyone else.
Los Angeles herald., 1906-01-15

The courts will have to name the
winner of the Pasadena chariot races.
That Ben Hur" finish was too much
even for the ministerial judgment to
pass upon.
Los Angeles herald., 1906-01-15

Midshipman Merriwether, acquitted
of murder when he caused his fellows
death in a prize fight must now stand
trial for hazing. Isn't that rather an
anti-climax? Or is hazing more dead
ly- than a fstic encounter?
Los Angeles herald., 1906-01-15

1t is not often that a man deliber-
ately asks to be arrested, but Secra-
tary Henry Lyons, of the Los An
geles Coursing association, is now in
custody at his own request. A man
must want to chase rabbits pretty
for
Los Angeles herald., 1906-01-15

Have you noticed that not one COM
mercial failure has been reported in
Los Angeles, marking the years begin
ming? Men don't fail here; business is
too good to require it.
Los Angeles herald., 1906-01-15

Alamitos Bay is to have a 100000
club house. All that is needed to
make Alamitos as popular as any other
seaside resort is adequate accommoda-
tions for the public, and this seems to
be most sensible and timely effort
to supply them.
Los Angeles herald., 1906-01-15

Bishop o'Reilley of Oregon, who is
here to recuperate, should find many
friends in Los Angeles. The bishop
was here with the knights of Column
bus last spring, and none among that
host was more popular.
Los Angeles herald., 1906-01-15

The police have again "corralled
many vagrants." A corral in the river
bed, pile of rock, numerous sledges-
and then, maybe, the vagrants won't
be so numerous. Try it.
Los Angeles herald., 1906-01-15

A Chicago youth admits having
strangled a woman with a wire, that
he might rob her. Chicago, with its
superabundance of yellow journalism
is a breeding place for boy criminals
of most revolving type, but this
youngster seems to be about the worst
yet
Los Angeles herald., 1906-01-15

1t may have been the Venice Mud
way" yesterday, but wait till the sun
shines couple of days and then gon-
dolas will no longer be needed in the
street of mirth.
Los Angeles herald., 1906-01-15

Los Angeles has taken out permits
for more than half a million dollars
in new buildings in the first two weeks
of 1906. At this rate the record for
the year will astound even the natives
watch us grow"
Los Angeles herald., 1906-01-15

Besides the rest of the good it did
in California, the rain stopped the rail-
road warfare over the Oakland mole.
1t is too bad to terminate Oakland's
one chance to figure in the dispatches
of the day, but-here's hoping for
more rain.
Los Angeles herald., 1906-01-15
The Pension Habit

John d. Rockefeller is talking Of
creating a fund for the purpose of pro-
viding old people with pensions"
"If he does this country is likely to
at once become a land of old people"
Los Angeles herald., 1906-01-15

If it be true that a $4,000, 900 smelter
is to be established here it will at last
demonstrate that moneyed men have
realized the immense mineral resources
of this region and the fortunes to be
made in their exploitation. There is
plenty here to keep such a plant busy
Los Angeles herald., 1906-01-15

Ireland is planning a great world S
fair. 1t will have to be fair indeed
to excel the beauty of the Emerald
isle or the colleens who thrive there
And that's no blarney.
Los Angeles herald., 1906-01-15
Preposterous

Magistrate TO prisoner)- say
that you took the ham because you are
out of work and your family Is starV-
ing. And yet / understand that you
have four dogs about the house
Prisoner-Yes; but l wouldn't ask
my family TO eat dogs, yer wusship.-
Pick -Me-Up
Los Angeles herald., 1906-01-15

Chief Lips says the fire department
expenses cannot be reduced. The mayor
says there is no money to cover the
present expenditures. What are they
going to do about 1t?
Los Angeles herald., 1906-01-15
For Pink Teas

"Win there be anything more today,
ma'am?" inquired the grocer
II believe" replied the customer,
that you may give me a pound OF
tea"
'What kind, ma'am?"
"I guess you may give me the pink
kind"
Los Angeles herald., 1906-01-15
EAT, DRINK AND BE MERRY
Livinu in a BOARDING House

do you believe that in the course of
time a man becomes what he eats?"
"I don't know, but if he does then
I'm a living statue of hash"
Los Angeles herald., 1906-01-15
Population of Los Angeles 2OI,249

It is announced that telephoning be-
tween London and New York is the
oretically practical, but not mechanic
ally possible" So is perpetual mo-
tlon.
Los Angeles herald., 1906-01-15

Pittsburgers are advocating knee
length skirts for its women. Used to
'em on chorus girls and likes 'em, eh?
But all women haven't the chorus
girls chief reasons for being-good un-
derstandings.
Los Angeles herald., 1906-01-15

A Swiss professor claims to have
tanned fish to eat out of his hand. Tell
that to Grover Cleveland.
Los Angeles herald., 1906-01-15

Bryan is now datto. Maybe he
wishes it could have been ditto
when he thinks of Roosevelt.
Los Angeles herald., 1906-01-15
The Proof

proof of the pudding is in the eat
ing" remarked the idiot who butts in
"And the dyspepsia that follows, y
replied the sage.
Los Angeles herald., 1906-01-15
His View

Don't you think there's a strain of
melancholy i'm Jiggler's poems?"
mo; l think its dyspepsia.
Los Angeles herald., 1906-01-15

There is to be a cat show at the
Chutes. Only the fur-bearing variety
is eligible-no human ones need apply.
Los Angeles herald., 1906-01-15
OF Course

Here is a story Of an animal trainer
who was eaten by a lion. Awful,
isn't it?"
"Beastly!"
Los Angeles herald., 1906-01-15

That Kansas City man who is put
ting burntwood designs on his coffin
could save a lot of time by taking his
coffin along when he dies.
Los Angeles herald., 1906-01-15

The United States now has to send
its warships on a chase after the great
drydock Dewey which is supposedly
Los Angeles herald., 1906-01-15

A large buck sheep entered the school
house at Moray, Kas., and started
rough house by jumping over the seats
and butting the children, who quickly
ran out doors, laughing with delight.
The teacher, Miss Larzaere, took the
sheep by the horns and threw IL out,
Now there Is movement to give her
a life certificate to teach in any sheep
district in Kansas.
with Admiral Bob" Evans and
Pugilist Bob Fitzsimmons both on
the retired list, who will be the coun-
try's Fighting Bob in future?
Mixed thoughts are often the product
of mixed drinks.
Shut your mouth an6
Open your eyes,
Soon all foos'll
Think your wise!
Miss Poppy-The man 1 marry must
Miss Pepper-The man you marry
will be one!
Oratory is talk in a dinner coat.
That Frenchman who says the world
will die of thirst forgets that Milwau-
kee and Peoria are on the map.
An InsInuation
II hope we never meet in heaven"
said he, as a parting thrust after their
quarrel.
"We?' she inquired, meaningly,
"we?"
A North Carolina man who won a
wife by drawing straws finds that he
must draw cheques to keep her.
Marriaoe ie lika a eofatupir-oftan
unfastened.
Miss Orange-She is going TO marry
a football hero.
Miss Lemon-Stlll partial to rem
nants.
An Illinois Judge has married two
apes. Isn't that ''monkeying' with the
law?
In BeantoWn
Is it your purpose to occupy a posi-
ton on the conveyance designed for
the transportation of the aqueous fluid
when the bright day dawns tomor-
row Boston Herald.
A Chicago man died of heart failure
when he saw his wife's new hat. No
man blames him.
"Sapho," when played in New Haven,
was expurgated. Probably to suit the
morals of the young men at Yale.
With women the more children they
have the fewer theories they evolve
about rearing 'em.
A New York lunch cart has exploded.
Always thought them dangerous, but
1t is no victory to convince fool.
Jewels
Dark was the sky while the rain came,
Gloomy the city and gray;
Chilly the streets and the houses,
Almost oppressive, the day
But with the sun, All what glory!
Gems sparkle on all trees.
Priceless the jewels the rain brought
Where else such diamonds as these?
So in our life, when the gloom comes
When skies are clouded and gray, -
Wait till the sun breaks its bondage
Look for the jewels next day!
Los Angeles herald., 1906-01-15
Jewels

It is no victory to convince foe
Los Angeles herald., 1906-01-15
New Version Of Mary's Lamb

A large buck sheep entered the school
house at Moray, Kas., and started q
rough house by jumping over the seats
and butting the children, who quickly
ran out doors, laughing with delight.
The teacher, Miss Larzalere, took the
sheep by the horns and threw It out.
Now there is a movement to give her
a life certificate to teach in any sheep
district in Kansas.
Los Angeles herald., 1906-01-15

A New York lunch cart has explode
Always thought them dangerous, but
The Bon Homme County independent. [volume] (Tabor, S.D.) 1904-1913, 1906-01-04
Tho Diary OF a Great City.

The following summary of what oc-
ours In New York City Is interesting. II
gives from n point OF view some con-
ccption OF the magnitude OF the metrop-
oils OF this nation and what n concen-
sration OF things doing In n great city
brings about. This IL the record OF
New York activity:
Every 20 seconds an immigrant ar
rlvas.
Every minutes some one Il ar.
rested.
Every minutes n child Is born.
Every minutes there n a funeral.
Every 10 minutes couple get mar
ried.
Every ~ minutes n new business frm
starts up.
Every IS minutes a building catches
IRE.
Every IS minutes a ship leaves the
harbor.
Every 81 minutes new building is
erected.
Every Ia hours some one is killed by
accident.
Every hours some one falls In busl-
ness.
Every s hours an attempt to XIII
someone IN made.
Every sh hours some couple is d.
yorced.
Every 10 hours some one commits
suicide.
Every : days some one is murdered.
The Bon Homme County independent. [volume] (Tabor, S.D.) 1904-1913, 1906-01-04
Same Old Game at Oxford.

A young oxford student one day received
an unexpected visit from his pretty sister
and was indignant that she came without n
ehaperon. Look here said the young
fellow. II viii not have any OF the boys
seebou In my rooms. 60 II any one knocks
st the door you Just get behind the screen %
In a-few minutes n knock was heard.
and the girl ran behind the screen as her
brother went 20 open tho door. An old
gentleman stood there. who. after apollo
EiEins for his intrusion. said:
II am just home from Australia. and
many years ago occupied these rooms.
Would you allow me TO look at them once
sgalnf"
Certainly" said the student. come In -
All exclaimed the old man. every.
thing IL just the same. Same old table.
same old fireplace. same old SCREEN
then catching sight OF the girl-''samc old
dodge"
sir" exclaimed the student. "lhat L. my
sster!''
BY love. sir" was the rcjolndcr. same
old story"
The Bon Homme County independent. [volume] (Tabor, S.D.) 1904-1913, 1906-01-04
Uncle 'Ras,us' Opinions.

SEE by Their papers thet the guN-ment
has bin sendin' aout extra poor passlo
o. garden seeds an sich a-durin' o Their
year past, an thct's a egrcJioua error.
Ther guv-ment aIn't handin' aout any too
slick an article In Their line o jest laws.
an TO preserve gineral fair average IL
ort ter brace up an give up purity good
line o. pumpkin EeedA an Sch.
BUT I ruther guess NO farmers are
ke~pin' our end up. by heck! We've re-
talIatin' all right. when ther guv-ment
sends Us n extra bad passle o. beet seeds.
by heck! we respond an send back ter
washln'ton n mighty poor article a hay
seed congressman. sh7 lilo. no! Oh!
Gurgle- urgle-ur!
The Bon Homme County independent. [volume] (Tabor, S.D.) 1904-1913, 1906-01-04
Race Changes.

From tho London Chronicle.
That Mr.. Howells Is kind TO the persons
and dresses OF Engllshwomcn marks n
grateful chanKe-in him or In them? In n
former book he dedicated TO the English
girl n phrase which-used by known low
er OF the slender and the dclicatc-had nm
unavowcd cruelty. The daughters OF tray-
cling Englishmcn, he said. had honest
cabbage roses IN their checks and their
hair tumbled upon their broad backs.
Elsewhere he claimed slimncgs as the d.
vine prcrogativc OF the American woman.
The races change. American women have
beautiful figures. with peculiarly broad
hips. restoring the Greek ideal: England
owns the Slcndercst women In the world.
and Englishwomcn dress rs well or as III
as the French.
The Bon Homme County independent. [volume] (Tabor, S.D.) 1904-1913, 1906-01-04
NO MAN IS STRONGER THAN
HIS STOMACH.

Let the greatest athlete have dyspepsf0
and his muscles would soon fail. Physi-
cal strength IS derived from food. n =
man has insufficient food he hoses strength
IL lac has no food he dies. Food il con-
ycrted into nutrition through the ttom-
ach and bowels. IL depends on the
strength OF tho stomach 20 what extenN
food eaton II digcSted and assimiia ted
People can die OF starvation who have
abundant food 70 eat, when tho stomach
and It's associate organs OF digestion ana
nutrition do not perform their duty
Thus tho stomach Is really the vital or
gan Of the body. II the stomach is.weak-
the body will be weak also, because IL To-
upon the stomach The body relies for In
strength. And rs the body, considered an
a whole, Is made up OF ia several mem
bcrs and organs, so tho weakness Of tho
body as q consequence OF weak. stom-
ach will DO distributed among the or
gans which compose the body. III tho
body Is weak because 10 IL ill-nourishedp
that physical weakness will be- found In
all the organS-hcart, liver. kidneys, ETC.,
The liver will be torpid and inactive,
giving rise 20 hiliousncss, loss OF Appetite.
weak nerves. feeble or irregular action o.
heart, palpitation, dizziness. headache,
backache and kindred disturbances and
weaknesses.
Dir, Louis Pare. OF Qu.bec. writes; -roy
ycsrs after my health btgan 20 fan. my bead
was sore all the time. while everything
would eat would seem 20 lie heavy like lead
on my stomach. The doctors claimed thae
u was sympathetic trouble due TO dyspepsiA-
and prescribed for me. and although ! took
their powders regularly Jet ] felt no better
Ny wife advised me 10 NY Dir. Pisrce's Golden
Medical Discovcry-and stop taking the doc
tors medicine, She bought mo . bottle and
We soon found that began 70 improve. 80
kept up the treatment ] took on flesh. ny
stomach became normal, the digestive org ann
worked perfectly and ! soon began 20 look
Ike different person. / can never cease to
be- grateful for what your medicine has done
for m- and certainly give II highest praicos
Don't b. whecdled by ponny-grabbin1
dealer into taking inferior substitutes fer
Dr. Pierce's medicines recommended "
be -just as good
To gain knowledge OF your own body
In sickness and haalth-scnd for the Pso-
pies Common Sense Medical Adviser. n
book OF lo0s pages. Send II one cora
stamps for papcr-coyercd, or u stsmps
for clOth.bouad copy. Address DIR. K W
Pierce, 0o3 Main Street Buffalo. N. Y.
The Bon Homme County independent. [volume] (Tabor, S.D.) 1904-1913, 1906-01-04
HAD ATTAINED ITS MAJORITY.

That piece" said the young man who
plays the plano by ear. 'is "A minor"
lis IL poSsible?' exclaimed his ac-
suaintance.
Couldn't you recognize IT."
"oh. yes. recognized IL. My Inn
preston was that IL was or age long
ago"
The Bon Homme County independent. [volume] (Tabor, S.D.) 1904-1913, 1906-01-04

IL don't see why ~ should be- so hard to
serve n subpoena on a rich man In New
York"
There's an impairment question most
Of them hate 10 answer"
What's the question:
where did you get it:''"
The Bon Homme County independent. [volume] (Tabor, S.D.) 1904-1913, 1906-01-04
{ Be Cured

IONS, as theyE
disease. CsI1
nal disease. az
take internal "
ire r. taken 80
the blood anS :
atarrh Cure .
. prescribed o. |.
q this country.
prescription y.
onics 'kpowh J,
ID purifiers ie.,
surfaees. Ths =
tive ingredisna
lnderful result,
r testimoniah y
'rops.. Toled" '
e S5c. ..
liz for consups''
The Bon Homme County independent. [volume] (Tabor, S.D.) 1904-1913, 1906-01-04
A GUARANTEED CURE FOR PILES,

Itching. Blind. Bi"c,llng protrudlnE TILES.
Druggists src AUTHORIZED To refund money "
iALO OINTMENT falls TO cure Ia q 10 II
Gays. 5oc.
The Bon Homme County independent. [volume] (Tabor, S.D.) 1904-1913, 1906-01-04
Moral

rters' Moral|
'oday.
men engaged
,apers. ! d
mt day ward
h those I'D
the buslns}
! era. TodaJ
'icct street a
lonai quarts|
= leisure IN 4
. his plal
'ss OF the M
ispoper. u
often nS a
lie Is not d
ID he has 4
n means d
he prizes nd
are In one 4
but they Il
J. The sod
I OF any o,ha
!, brain ecu,
,rnplete.
The Bon Homme County independent. [volume] (Tabor, S.D.) 1904-1913, 1906-01-04

Ms. Winslows sooTurse sTnrr FOR chiidrsa
tssthtns softsns the gums. reduces iuf nAsIoa
hrt pain. wt~S rnlte. "a, cont n bcttla
The Bon Homme County independent. [volume] (Tabor, S.D.) 1904-1913, 1906-01-04

ed with c-u4
)own--Mirass
lrn
was six nOnt
Ie SORES extSsi
lie whole n
In the doc;t
her doctor, 4
and In our 4
d one. MATED
10 had rcgBJ
q enough 10 Il
/ had TO be 4
hla month Vi
thick as a 4
opened 4
hle~i and 81
|, eyes Had
In shor, 4
rre,, over 4
nv dsv or MD
I'm his bed. 4
,oxn. otherWI
,ace and mad
h,s face nd
,u,lv
,othInr ed
,,n INV mind /,
he child 20 D
Sea air mid
. u,s 90 be 4
are there. b
erx came dlce
~ n miracle.
ahout (,u,icur
c...,.,,-. sa
ant and wit
70 we noticed
Ina, "A ouiel.