davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-03-03
THAT SKINNER BOY.
He Catches a Rat in a Trap.

When Humpy Skinner came home
with an old rat trap under his arm his
mother looked at him for a moment
and then asked:
Young man, what mischief are you
up to now"
None at all. I'm going to catch a
rat" he replied.
Where did you get that trap?"
"Of Jim Green. 1 traded him my
old roller skate for it.
well, I don't want no fooling
around. If you catch the cat in that
trap I'll give you the worst licking you
have had for year.
WHO'S thinking of catching the cat?
It's rats m after, and if 1 catch one
you'll see more fun around here than
two circuses could make"
The trap was set down the cellar. and
two mornings later there was cap
tive in it. Humpy had had nothing but
raw potato to bait it with, but a rat
had entered the trap to see why cheese
had become so scarce and found him
self in box. 1t was an old rat who
was turning gray and ought to have
known better but there he was, and
Humpy's shouts of exultation rang
through the house. His mother COM
manded him to put the trap in a tub
of water and drown the victim. but
while she was vet speaking he started
for the street and whislked around the
first corner.
His adventures began at once. He
was whistling for the boys of the
neighborhOo to gather when a fat
woman came toiling along and stopped
to say:
.Bub. I'm rather near-sighed. Is
that a canary bird YOU have IN cage.
and how much will YOU take for it2
NY canary died of bilious collie the
other day. and the house is so lonesome
that I think I'll buy another"
It's a rat in trap, ma'am," re
Dlie5 HunQDV
see now what it is to be near-sight-
ed You are a good boy for not try
! ing to cheat me. I trust you haven
/ any wicked designs against the poor
"No. ma'am. I'll just get lot OF
bows together, and We'll get lot Of
I dogs together. and when we shake the
rat out of the trap we'll holler and
And the poor dear rat Will escape
/ under the sidewalk" she interrupted
'sThat's right my boy We must al
| vavs be kind to the helpless. I had
/ that canary bird for three years. and
never once during that time did I hit
him with the rolling pin or the crow
bar Continue to be good boy and
| YOU will reap a reward
/ The next pedestrian was tall thir
man who had had a row with his wife
! before leaving home. and he stopped
before the trap to say to Humpy:
Look here. young man, what does
/ this mean %
aRut why have you caught a rat
! What are YOU going to do with it BY
what legal or moral right do you traV
a rat and bring him our on public
II guess anybody has a right to trar
/ q rat If he wants to.
mo matter what you guess about it
4 I say that the rodent should he set al
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-03-03

any sort Of boy could stand there and
grin and do the business but things
are not what they seem.
An elevator boy, to be a success,
should understand at least four Ian
guages. The engineer of the building
and the tenants will cuss him in at least
three, and he wants the other to talk
to the red-headed photographer In.
From the first trip he makes certain
men viii be sizing him up. They will
be mostly men who have passed the
age OF 80, and who will be wondering
If he is a safe boy to take into their
confidence. If they make UP their
minds that he is not. then his time is
short They viii complain to the agent
Of the building that he Is an anarchist,
and have him bounced. If they think
he'll do 1t won't be three days before
they will be sending bouquets to the
female typists through him, and de-
pending upon him to say nothing If
thsy take one of the girls out to lunch.
1 have been elevator boy in a build
ing where white-haired men of sup
posed integrity ran a poolroom or
poker game. While 7 felt that it was
not right, and was sorry to see them
taking the downward path, have kept
sun and sawed wood. and let the po-
lice find it out for tn emseIyes.
An elevator boy should take early
opportunity to let the tenants know
that he is not leaky. He should at
the same time let the fact be known
Lnat ne IS IatherleSS boy, and is run
ming the elevator for the sole purpose
of paying off a gigantic mortgage on
his widowed mothers house and lot.
No old gentleman who is acting as the
New York agent for the California
DogwOod company, or the Indiana
GrindstOne combination, likes to hand
the elevator boy a dollar with bou-
quet for the young lady in Room 345.
1t looks too much like bribery. On the
contrary, if he has been posted. he can
pull a bill from his vest pocket and
appear perfectly serene when he says:
All Samuel. .but didn't you tell me
that you were staggering under a gil
gantic mortgage?"
Please, sir. but I did
"Ah, yes, I remember. Well, take
this dollar, William, as an evidence of
my sympathy"
When I carry a little note to one of
the girls in the school of stenOgraphy
and typewritfng I do not wink at her as
deliver it, and advise her to make the
lunch cost him at least five dollars. Tt
is business with me-straight business.
I produce the note and say:
"Oh. by the way, the Guano man
probably wants you to do some letters
for him. Here is a little note he sent
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-03-03

other in trying to bit the rat. There
was a grand mix-up and whirl for a
minute and then as the crowd seat
tered the dogs We're left to fight it out
among themselves. while the rat
crowded himself down the grating C
a bakery.
Humpy Skinner went down among
the first and was walked on by a dozen.
people before he could get Up. His
nose was skinned, his back famed and.
his knee cut. and his rat trap was
smashed as fiat as a pancake In addi-
ton to this q grocer's clerk grabbed
him by the collar and shook him about
and called him an assassin.
Half an hour later he 1imped into
the house to have his mother call out:
Hump Skinner, what on earth has
happened to you this'time? Say, young
nan"
Don't, mother"
"Bu: I viii You left here with a rat
Il a trap, and
Poo thing." sighed Humpy. I'm
trying to save its life all the men ana
women and boys and dogs in town fell
down on me and rolled me over and
tried to kill me. and I want to be put
to bed and have some bread and butter
with sugar on it1-(C Copyright, 1906
by G. s. Sutclifre.1
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-03-03

apparent. Mr.. Bowser flushed up and
looked stern, and continued:
DO you think you could find your
way home alone from the corner"
But I'm going to stay all night
81 don't know whether you are or
not. What does your father work att
"Nawthin."
And your mother2"
"NaWthin."
Mrs. Bowser turned her head to hide
a smile, and Mr.. Bowser's redness of
face and neck increased as he said:
What can you expect of child
brought up as he has been? The poor
little fellow
say, don't get anything to
smoker" Interrupted the lad, as he
looked about for cigar stubs
Il guess. sonny, you had better go"
said Mr.. Bowser, after painful 81
lence.
4 bet won't go" replied the young
belligerent.
Mr.. Bowser rose up and took him by
the hand to lead him down the hall,
and the yOungster dropped to the floor
and seized his advocate by the leg with
his teeth.
TAKE the viper Off" shouted Mr..
Bowser, in tones that brought the cook
running upstairs, but the viper had
to be chOked off, and well chOked at
that. Moreover, he wouldn't walk
step, and had to be dragged OUT and
left in the yestibule. When the door
had been closed on him he ran down
the steps, found a chunk of Ice and re-
turned and shattered the glass in the
door Mr.. Bowser made a dash for
him. but was too late
And how do you like the fatherly
business, as far as you have gomez"
asked Mrs. Bowser.
Mr.. BOwser didn't reply. He went
down cellar to tinker with the furnace.
and he tinkered so we'll and was gone
so long that Mrs. Bowser was abed
when ne came upstairs.-( Copyright
1906. by E. c. Parcells.)
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-03-03
Another Fable.

A Traveller who was making his
way along the seashore espied an Owl
perched in a tree near the beach, and
on the sands near by reposed q Clam.
The Owl winked and bhnked, but pre-
served silence. and the Clam had its
shell tightly closed and made no sign.
s'Ah but here is wisdom indeed!''
exclaimed the Traveller. II doubt not
that both of these would give me valu-
able advice if I could only prevail upon
them to talk.
Thereupon he coaxed and entreated
them to break through their silence,
and when he had wrestled with them
for half an hour the Owl opened his
mouth and gave utterance to a dismal
boot. The Clam at the same time
opened his shell and yawned sleepily-.
Great Scott, but how I have wasted
my timei" exclaimed the Traveller.
ss7The one but opened his mouth to
make discord, and the other to show
that he had no brainsi"
Moral: The man who never talks
can only be criticized for what he
doesn't say.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-03-03
BUTCHER. YOU WAS A SCOUN-
DREL UND A ROBBER

tons vhas short by 800 pounds. It vhas
raining ind blowing. but I bitches oop
my horse and buggy, and at eleven
O clock I goes to do customer nit the
500 pounds in a bag. Wasn't dot hon
est, Hans? ?"
'eVheu she looks honest
"Of course she does, but What sort of
credit do get2 Der mans says he has
had der coal weighed ind she vhas
four hoonered pounds over. instead of
three hoonered pounds short. und dot
must pay him fifty cents extra because
he shoveled it into der cellar und lanes
his back Say. do you hear of a case
like dot -
It don't belief So
thinking It makes me believe dot it
don't pay to be honest, und dot if
don't give fun weight it vhas shust
ash we'll If humanity encourages a
man to be honest he vhas all right:
if she. discourages him he Will be
sharper"
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-03-03

up. Cad that work is coming your
way
If both of them happen to 81 down
in my car together at the lunch hour
I don't put on a knowing look over it.
1 simply regard it as a coincidence and
let it go at that If I meet the girl
again during the afternoon there are no
hints to fling out. I simply speak Of
the weather, and observe that the peo-
pie seem to have made up their minds
that the bosses must go.
was never elevator boy in sky
scraper yet that hadn't from three to
SIX men passing themselves off for
WidOwers or old bachelors, and depend
ing upon me not to give things away.
1t fills me with a bland compIacency
when remember that in no single in
stance have I been unfaithful to my
trust The wives of these men have
come to my elevator at the noon hour
and demanded to know where their
husbands were, and have been deter
mined to go UP and wait in their offices.
There is where an elevator boys d.
plOmacy comes in. It takes more of it
to get a jealous wife out of the vesti-
bule without a row than it did to settle
the war between Russia and Japan"
young man" begins the wife in
voice like pounded glass. and twenty
four candle power light in each eye. Il
want to know if q man named Blank
has an office on the eight floor. Don't
tell me any lies about it,
Certainly he has, ma am"
Tall man-stoop-shoul deTed-lisps a
little in his talk?"
THE very one. ma an"
agent for the Combination Butcher
Knife and Horse Radish company"
cant be no mistake, ma am"
well. I'm his wife and he's left five
/ children at home. I've heard that he
| Is passing himself or as childless
widower. and that he takes q young
woman to lunch with him every day
III lunch him If he's up to any such
thing Take me up to his Office
Then my diplomacy and innocence
/ comes in. I tell her that Mr. Blank
| has always passed as a married man:
that he would be the last man in the
building to f1irt. and that he is spoken
Of as an example for others to follow
/ She can 60 UP to his Office, of course
but unfortunately he was called out at
1 II o'clock and won't be back before 2
Ny efforts in this direction have all
ways been successful except in two in
starces. That was when the husband
walked in before the wife had turned
away-walked in in company with the
| young woman he had had out to lunch.
IN those two cases I did not hold nv
/ self responsible for the yells. shrieks
and trampled hats and torn clothing.
There are always tenants in a sky
minded of incidents in their past life
bills. If bill collector were rushed
sentiment about him. He might even
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-03-03

liberty at once. If we haven't a law
in this country to prevent a boy fool
ing with a rat, then the sooner We do
have the better. III just open the
trap
But he didn't Along came a big
truck driver with his team. and he
refined in and and jumped down, and
called out
Hold on, now-hold right on Here
is rat in trap. Who does he be
long to ?"
It's my trap" replied Humpy.
But insist that the animal be given
his liberty, added the thin man.
Insist nothingi I haven't had any
fun since election, and here is a break
in the mOnotony. We want about if
teen boys and seven dogs around here
to make the thing Bunker Hillish.
pened to drive this wayi"
"Sir,' said the thin man, as he
waved his closed umbrella in his hand.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-03-03

Il protest! Yes, sir, I protest! Under
the constitution of the United States
There there. there" said the truck
man in soothing tones, as he lifted the
thin man and carried him around the
corner. THE Constitution of the United
States is a mighty big thing, but a rat
in a trap is a bigger
When he got back to Humpy and his
trap five boys and two dogs had gath
cred, and the old gray rat was getting
nervous. A broad grin covered the big
mans face as he looked around and
rubbed his hands together and said:
NO hurry, friends. We want about
a dozen more dogs and boys Don
think I want to be boss, however. i m
not the kind to take the glory away
from a. boy who has caught a rat. Step
right out, bub, and be captain
It was too much for the mOdesty of
Hump Skinner. He hung back over it
even after one of the boys had whis-
pered to him;
Hump Skinner, you are an idiot!
Here is a chance for you to be as big
n man as Napoleon crossing the Alps,
and YOU hain't doing a thing but look
scared over it, Gee-whizzi but what
a chance to be mentioned in history
BY this time a crowd of a hundred
had collected. There were men and
women and boys. There were terriers,
spanieIs, bull dogs and yellow ours,
and all were watching the rat. By and
by the truckman lifted UP the trap. and
there was a bland smile on his face as
he said:
Talk about Lexington and Bunker
Hill and Fourth of July, but, what do
they amount to compared with big old
rat in a trap! Fellow citizens, prepare
to have some fun"
Here. what's all this excitement
about?" demanded d fat man with a
wheezy voice, as he shouldered his v ay
into the crowd
''Sir, we have a rat in a trap" an
swered the truckman.
fWhy. thought somebody had been
run over. and killed! What about your
rat in a trap?"
I'VE are going to let him OUT
"Hoorayi Hooray! Let him QUIT"
shouted the crowd, and the boy who
had spoken to Humpy Skinner before
now approached again and said:
You see what you've missed don't
you? If you had bossed your own rat
and trap you'd have been bigger man
than Humboldt discovering the Andes"
Hold on with that rati" exclaimed
the fat man. "If you turn that rat
loose there's bound to be a riot and
bloodshed here and you know that's
against the law"
Never mind old fatty. but give US
the ratl'
call the policei"
GIVE US the rati"
The mob began to surge and the
dogs to bark, and just as a policeman
was making his way into the crowd the
( truckman turned the rat loose. Men
and women fell over each other in try
/ ing to get away. The dogs bit at each
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-03-03
THE ELEVATOR BOY.
He Tells of the Duties and Response
biIities of the Position.

When I first went to skyscraper to
run an elevator I looked upon it like
going on a huckleberry excursion.
thought I should have nothing to do
but twist the handle and ride up and
down with the tenants of the building
had scarcely taken an old man and
three typewriter girls up to the four
tenth floor when a glimmer of the
responsibilities resting on my shoulders
dawned upon me. and I have not been
the same happy-go-lucky kid since
No youth. unless he can feel himself
responsible and able to cope with a
sudden emergency, should ever seek
the place of elevator boy. When one
looks al the cage skating up and down
it seems to be a soft snap. and that
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-03-03
nave MED him up, you had better turn

have filled him up, you had better turn
him outdoors"
What Turn a lost boy out to
freeze to DEATH Don't let me hear any
such sentiments from you. BY the sac
red bull. but if I was as flint hearted
as you are I'd go hang myself
shes a lulun' said the boy, as his
eyes roved around in search of the
cat.
'Bub, what's your name % asked Mr.
Bowser, as he saw Mrs. Bowser grow
ing pale.
Mud" answered the boy. with a
grin.
Cant you remember the name of
the street you live on?"
Nope"
Have you got father and moth
yep"
How did you come to get lost %
"Chasin' meself''
The impudence Of the thing was too
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-03-03
THE STORY OF THE PLUMBER.

THE STORY OF THE PLUMBER.
NO man vhas SO mooch abused in
any peesness ash in mine" says der
plumber ash he sits down to smoke
pipe NIT me ind charge der time to
some customer. IF I am called to
mend a small leak in a water pipe
ind charge for two hours time und
one pound of solder I Vhas called a
robber. Der peoples don't stop to
think it out. I must first go und look
al dot house. I must talk nit der
cook. I must go down cellar ind look
all around. I must go back to der
shop und come again 1 must figure
it out why der hot water pipe busted
instead of der cold. If I lose a bar of
solder on der way from der shop who
pays for it? Don't I lose 1t because
I vhas in sooch a hurry? If a bill of
two dollars vhas sent in what does
der customer do?"
HE kicks" I says.
you bet he does, ind all der news
papers speak about der plumber nit
his steam yacht und summer home.
It vhas all nonsense, Hans, ash you
very well know. I don't say dot some
plumbers don't get Fich. but how
vhas it? It vhas by having outside
partnerships NIT a drug store OF a
cooper shop, or If your grandmother
dies ind leaves you $4,000. Here vhas
A boy comes running ind says a fine
house vhas being ruined by a busted
water pipe und to come quick. I drcp
everything ind slump into my auto
and speeds AWAY. It vhas a bad break.
stand right dere nit a rag tied around
der leak for three hours before I can
get help, und at last I have to call in
two of my men. shall send in a bill
for perhaps forty cents. und do you
know what will happen?'
you Will be called some robbers. -
"Sure. Mike, and the man will prob
ably go all over the neighborhood de-
claring that I ought to be expelled
from my church. I tell you, Hans,
it's discouraging for any man to try
to do the right thing, but more es-
keeps on using me as 1t has. the
worm will turn some day. That is.
some man will send for me to dig
the street in front of his house and
thaw out his water pipe. and I'll send
in a bill for q dollar and half und
sue him clear to der supreme court if
he don't pay"
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-03-03
THE sTORY- "a THE BUTCHER.

THE STORY OF THE BUTCHER.
Just word. Hans says der
butcher. as he gets his shoes half
soled one time Deere vhas a time
When I gift everybody der very choie-
est cuts and cut out all der bone. but
vhas anybody grateful to me? Not a
soul. I don't be elected to Office or
presented NIT a watch, und der papers
don't print a picture of my wife und
say how beautiful she vhas. On der
contrary. a man comes to me after six
months ind says.
an(ano " todaU TAOIN NJ
" Butcher, you vhas a scoundrel and
a robber,"
Z" How vhas It . says.
&c You cut all der rind off my pork
ind I don't have nothing to grease
my boots mitl
DOT settles it NIT me-" says der
butcher. 'since dot time der public
have had bones und rind and meat
all mixed together. ind now If I go
out to a public meeting I am invited
to stand oop und tell how Columbus
discovered America" - Copyright,
1905. by Homer Sprague.)
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-03-03
DER GERMAN coBBLER.
some of the Stories That Were Told in
His Shop.

(By NJ. Quad.)
THE STORY OF THE U'NDERIA Il X
speaking about human ingrati-
tude'' saws der undertaken one day
when I WAS putting some lifts on his
heels. but I met nit a case When first
goes into peesness dot makes me reel
sad yet
Il haf friend dot I belief vhas der
souarest man on earth He Was so
honest dot if he bOrrOws match OF me
he walks a mile to pay it back, una 50
truthful dot if he calls me a liar nave
to believe him. ! know he must ole
some day and I promise him twenty
per cent. off der funeral. Well, he
vhas coming to my place one day vhen
he keels over und goes dead Of heart
disease Der ambulance man says II
vbas being too good dot kills him. |
run nv hardest to tell his wife, una 1
take full charge, und after two days
hard work und feeling bad all der tlme
what you suppose happens
s'Mavbe you lose der job, / said.
mo, I don't but / wish L did DOT
man vhas only in a trance. He com res
to life und not only kicks der coffin all
to pieces. but finds fault because /
wasn't going to have eight White horses
draw der hearset make him a Dill
and throw off twenty per cent. but he
SAYS he won't pay und sues me Tor loss
of two days times While lying dead.
Dot learns me a lesson, Hans. 1t vhas
so NIT me now dot I add on twenty per
cent nit everybody, ind if a Teller
won't stay dead I have a damage suit
against him for one tousand dollar
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-03-03

THE STORY OF THE COAL MAN.
81 think it is generally believed" says
der coal man who comes in for ce-
ment patch on his shoe, dot der coal
man vhas grasping und avaricious und
dot he makes a ton of coal out OF
eighteen hoonered pounds. I have bad
men tell me to my face after had de-
livered six tons of coal to EN- dot dey
don't belief it vhas over fife tons One
time a mans brings back half ton of
slate und stones which he says he finds
in my anthracite und advises me to
go into der building trade. Maybe you
Yourself don't belief vhas an honest
man p
1T vhas hard to belief so" says L
Thanks for your frankness. I Will
do ash mooch for you some day. You
don't belief I vhas honest, but let me
tell you Ieetle incident. When I starts
out in peesness I max oop my mind to
be ash honest ash neffer vhas. In
Ileetle time a mans comes along und
WANTS two tons of coal. fill dot order.
but When night comes on my clerk
breaks his leg. Der pain arouses his
conscience, and he tells me dot der two
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-03-03

Give US the TaI-
The mob began to surge and the
dogs to bark. and just as a policeman
was making his way into the crowd the
truckman turned the rat loose. Men
and women fell over each other in try
ing to get away. The dogs bit at zach