Audubon County journal. (Exira, Iowa) 1884-1993, 1906-11-01
sideshow of a circus.

sideshow Of a circus. -"
ITO dream Of falling from a great
height and comm down on top Of a
picket fence and havin' three plckets
run through your body would seem at
first sight to signify a calamity. Dat
am a mistake, however 1t signifies
dat you will meet Guild man from
de kentry and invite him to shoot craps
wild you and clean him outer $25. Try
and dream dis dream as often as you
kin. 1t will enable you to lib without
bard work.
Zone night, six months ago, Brud-
der Waydown Bebee of dis club went
to sleep doorin' thunderstorm and
dreamed dat he had turned into a spot.
ted dawg and was about to be killed
for i.oIt- De butcher already had him
by de hind laig and de water was ready
to scald de bristles off of him when he
awoke in a cold sweat 1t was Jest
midnight and at de same mint an owl
hooted and dawg howled. Brudder
Bebee started for my house on n dead
run to ask me to explain. In five min
oeSS ! A56SASo ~ Jul udI AG Adu ouA-
thin comm to him, and, 10, only three
days had passed when one of his chill
Zen sot de house atire wild match
and it was burned to de ground Brud-
der Bebee had about hundred dollars
with Of furniture. 1t was insured for
four hundred and fifty, as might have
been expected from SIGH prudent man
as him. He got cherry dollar of it from
de Insurance company. and OATS de
reason his family am now wearin' dia-
mond pins and llbin on de fat O de
land.
"As TO SIGNS.
Gas to signs" continued the presi-
dent, amid most profound stiffness,
you have 'em we're in plenty and you
should commit each and cherry one to
memory.
IF you see a black cat chasin'
white dawg along de road and dey pass
a cock eyed man as dey go, dat is a
sign of hard winter to come. Look
around you and locate de nearest wood
pile or coal yard.
eff yaller dawg bowls at midnight
under your winder and won't go away
after you have pelted him wild sticks
of wood, but keeps right at it until you
go out and threaten to hit him wild de
whole front fence, make up your mind
dat calamity am at hand. You may
be arrested befo' you get home wild de
next chicken or WATERMELON or one Of
de chill'n am gwine to fall down de
well or off de roof.
IF the sun comes up in de mawnin'
like a ball of fire and de wind am
from de west and humpbacked man
passes your cabin wild bunch of cat
nip under his arm don't leave de house
dat day. 1t am sign Of mad dogs.
Sit on de doah steps, wild a pile of
brickbats beside you, and be prepared
to die game.
"If you sit down in canary colored
street kyar wild red dashboard and
find yourself between a clubfooted wo-
man and knock kneed man git right
out as soon as possible and befo' de
conductor has taken up your fare. To
remain dar am to get hoodoo on you.
IF you am saunterin' out some even
in and by accident approach a field in
which dar am a WATERMELON patch
squat down by de fence and wait for
sign. If whippoorwill breaks into
song near by it's all right and de big
gest melon In dat patch am yours. If
instead q cricket gives seven loud
chirps don't you git ober dat fence. If
you do de owner will fire charge Of
salt into you and let his bulldog make
meal off,n your laigs.
IF you hear a tickin' in de wall
while you am lynn in bed don't be two
seconds gittin' out O. dat. If you con-
timer to lay dar and de ticker continers
to tick you will be invitin' stroke of
paralysis.
eff you am standin' at your gate and
red headed white man comes along
and offers you half dollar to drive
black COW to sartin place turn away
from him in scorn. Dat COW will kick
fat woman and git you into law
suit, and de white man will beat you
outer de price.
"If you am sittin' on de fence In de
AFTERNOON and wishin' you was rich
| and three crows fly ODER you and you
hear a horse whinny at de same time
go right off and buy a ticket in lot
terry. You am shore to hit de capital
prize and have money to burn for eber
after.
Oats all, my friends-all until you
git de book. We will now break de
meetin' in two, and you can gather
round me and pass up your money. If
you will persist in believin' in dreams
and signs, take mine and no other.
Dey am jest as good as anybody's, and
my old woman needs de money to buy
new goose feathers for de beds and
porous plasters for her lame back"
NJ. QUAD.
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