The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1906-09-09
Here's Instances Where Commercial
Travellers Took the Stump and
More Than Made Good.
est, Louis Globe-Democrat.)

tSt. LOUIS GloDe-DemOcrat)
As the train paused for a moment at
"a little town i'm Iowa the passengers
caught glimpses OF banners flying.
heard snatches OF a boom-ta-ra-ra tune
by the Consolidated Silver Cornet band.
and big poster on building close by
the station gave them the Information
In tall. carmine letters that a grand
rally was going on and that the inhab-
= itents of the town and the surround
ing country would on that evening, at
the opera house, have the rare privi-
lcge OF hearing that peerless orator,
Hon. Ichabod Smith of Catawissa,
speak on the issues of the day. Come
one: come all"
IT'S a great thing to be campaign
orator said the red-headed man in the
corner with sigh OF envy, as he light
cd a fresh cigar: ito be met at the
train with a brass band and the leading
citizens In their Sunday clothes; TO be
welcomed by the prettiest girls i'm town,
and to sit in a carriage at the head of
the procession and receive the salvos
of the populace like a returning hero:
10 be introduced by the chairman Of the
county committee as that fearless pa
itriot and distinguished statesman, and
then 20 utter burning words that fill
the voters with wild enthusiasm and
make them feel clear to the marrow
OF their bones that now is the time for
all good men TO come TO the aid of the
party. III try It on myself if it wasn't
Tor few deficiencies in my mental
equipment
THAT sounds very nice" said the
man with the dubious brow. who con-
fessed that he came from Lincoln. but
/ want TO tell you, my friend, that the
lot of the campaign orator isn't all
: strawberries and cream, not by a
lderned considerable, and Just between
ourselves I want to tell you there's a
good deal more satisfaction and just
as much fun i'm harvestin' wheat when
the thermometers at 90 i'm the shade"
Perhaps you could make that little
palmer by an illustration" suggested
the red-headed man.
II could give you illustrations till
you'd go to sleep" said the man from
Lincoln. II put in one season as a
spellbinder, gave up a good law prac-
tice and went out TO seek undying glory
on the stump at the expense of the ma
tional committee. In less than two
weeks I decided that had all the glory
that was comm TO me, but L was too
afraid Of the jOshin' I'd get from the
boys up at Lincoln TO quit then, so I
stuck it out until the committee called
me i'm.
The man at headquarters had
mapped out a route for me. with speak
ing dates on ii from A TO lizard. and I
was expected to open my mouth at the
first switch and keep It working until
j came out at the other end. I started
with my chest expansion much greater
than It had ever been before or has
ever been since. / was Hon. J. Waller
Jones of Nebraska, and everybody
along the line was expected to kowtow
before me. And they did at the first
place l struck. There everything was
ali my fancy had pictured and more
] was 1T in capital letters But from
that high pinnacle I fell clear to the
bottom Of the hill.
The next place on the schedule was
q town of about 1000 inhabitants. T
got there 4about4 o'clock in the after
noon. IT was pouring down rain There
was no brass band and no reception
committee; nobody at all but the sta
ton agent. who politely informed me
IN answer to my question that if Hon.
j. Waller Jones was going TO speak in
that town that night he hadn't heard
OF 1t, and he'd like to know who i'm the
dickens Hon, j, Waller Jones was. any
now. didn't tell him. I found a hotel
and made further inquiries Everybody
seemed to be as ignorant as the station
agent. The chairman of the county
committee they told me, lived a mile
out of town. 1 got a horse and rode
put to his house Still raining. I found
him i'm bed with a spell of rheumatism
and not disposed TO bow down to great
ness i'm any form. He had received in
structions FROM the committee. he said.
but had been feeling so bad he'd plum
forgotten all about it. I rode back to
town much depressed. 1t was useless
10 think about getting an audience to-
tEether on such a night. so I passed up
that town and took train for the next
place on my schedule.
This was hardly more than a cross
reads station. but it was. nevertheless.
stronshold<Of the party I was oppos-
iHg. and had been warned that il con-
tanned some pretty rough citizens who
might endeaVOT 10 make il interesting
for me. They did. My coming had
been well advertised. and there was n
crowd at the little depot to meet me.
but my welcome was not a warm one.
The reception committee looked half
scared 10 death and they received me
In an apOlcgetic sort of way that didn't
cheer me very much The crowd didn't
cheer me, either. They just looked a (
me and grinned. The committee took
me across the road TO a hotel. and there
IN a private room confided to me that
there was blood on the moon. Open
'ltitdlS Hdu Detn Ildue 10 break uD the
meeting and 90 me bodily harm. they
said. and while they were ready to
stand by me If / insisted on speaking.
they strongly advised me TO cancel the
date.
BY that time l was beginning to get
my dander up and I told them I'd
speak there that night if | had to de-
claim from the top of a telegraph pole.
II they'd see that the hall was lighted.
] said. I'd take care OF the crowd.
and they needn't mind about comm on
the platform with me. They went away
promising to make all the arrange
ments. and l slipped out to a hardware
store where ] laid i'm few supplies
and then went back 20 the hotel TO
wait. 1t was a long wait / wasn't
scared. was too mad. just then. for
that. But | was uneasy as to the out
rome and / wanted to have it over
with. If / let these fellows brighten
me away / would never hear the last
OF it. and my career would be ended, !
thought.
The hall was filled with a noisy.