davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1906-09-09
A Match for Bismarck.

The late Prince Bismarck OF Germa-
ny was very much opposed to doctor
ing, and it was a source of great worry
to his friends.
One day, however, while suffering
acute ely, he allowed a noted German
Seating himself by Bismarck, Began
asking the usual questions concerning
symptoms, appetite, etc.
Bismarck bore this for few min
utes, then raising himself up. he roared
out: "Young man, don It ask so many
questions - !.. 49, -,
Every well,'' replied the doctor, ris-
ing and taking up his case and hat;
"but allow me to suggest that you
consult a veterinary, he asks no ques-
tions'' Ethel Moore
1896 Harriet avenue.
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1906-09-09
The Test Of Socialism.

Two casual acquaintance were dis
cussing politics. One announced that
he had turned socialist. T.. -.
IT don't know what socialist is
said the other.
A SOCIALIST is one who believes in
dividing up with the other fellow.''
"Does that mean that if you had two
farms, you would give me one?'
'''Sure, I would.' ,.~.
"And if you had two housesf'
s'I would give you one.'
And if you had two shirts, what
would you do with them9'' 81.
"Ah, gwan. You know I have two
shirts. - Mrs. Charles Buffers.
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1906-09-09
S. w. BROWN HoNoRED
Chosen President by Christian Church
Association of Montana.
Special to The Journal. !.

Special to The Journal
Helena, Mont, Sept S.-The TWENTY
sixth annual convention proper of the
Montana Christian association came TO
a close with the noon adjournment to-
day. Billings was selected as the meet
ing place for next years convention.
Officers were elected as follows:
President, s. w. Brown, Helena; vice
president, w w. Beeman, Billings.
corresponding secretary, F. H. Groom.
d elena; treasurer, E. Scharnikow, Deer
lodge; recording secretary, E. E.
Hershey. Missoula.
O.. F.sMcHargue Of Billings spoke on
1.-The Preacher and the Missions, ,, and
the. Key. ): &. Griffith of Bozeman on
2" Montana and the New Spelling. - =
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1906-09-09
How He Hunted Bear.

A New York ,Irishman was visiting
q friend in the .Adirondacks and was
taken with desire to 90 hunting Bor-
rowing a gun from his friend he set
off alone in search of game. Some time
gun. A few minutes later he heard
some one shouting. From window he
spied, in the distance, his friend hot
footing it for home, and behind him
bear, gaining at every step. Nearly
spent, the pursued reached the door just
In time to cry out:
"Quick, Mike >Quickl Open the
door! I'm bringing him home aloive!''
... &c.,. '-Bina Swanson.
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1906-09-09
A Young Mother Story.

"Have you any ); fireworks suitable
for small childrenF'' asked the young
mother.
eyes, ma 'am,' answered the dealer.
eve have some splendid frecrackers,
Roman candles and all such things
"But l fear my little boy is not old
enough for them.' -
"Then here are some pinwhecls
and
ooh, the very thing Have you
some safety pinwheels9 My little boy
is not yet a year DID,
Mrs. s. E. Erickson.
Swea City, Iowa.
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1906-09-09
The Baptists Suited Him.

An old colored man first Joined the
Episcopal church, then the Methodist,
and next the Baptist, where he re-
manned. Questioned as to the reason
for his church travels, he responded:
HWell, sub, hit IS this way: De Pts
copals is gemmen, sub. but I couldn't
keep up wild de answerin' back in dey
church. De Methods, dey always hol-
din inquiry meetin' an I don It like too
much inquirin into. But de Baptis',
sub. dey jes dip and are done wild hit
Northfeld, MINI. -G. M. N,
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1906-09-09
A LaW-Abid1np. Citizen.

Senator Depew sent some garden
seeds seeds to constituent ia Wayne county,
They were Enclosed in one Of the reg.
ular ranked government envelopes,
bearing the words "penalty for private
- A few days later the senator received
,"Dear Mr.; Depew: I don t know
what to- do with: those garden seeds
you sent me- I notice it is $500 fine
Tor private USE: I don It want to use
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1906-09-09
A Complete Defense.

An Irishwoman was accused Of hay
ing stolen an iron soap kettle and
cracked it, SO that it's usefulness was
ended.
Her defense, when brought before
the judge, was as follows: col have
witnesses here,>yer honor, t. prove, first,
that Oh niver had tn kittle in me pos
session; sicond, that Oh returned it t.
Mrs: Casey widout q crack in it; and
third, that tn Guild kittle was cracked
Whln Oi sthole it. u. II. r. +
Dawson, MINI. -
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1906-09-09
The Dakota Liar.

Eyes, SIR" resumed the Dakota
farmer, as the crowd Of agriculturists
Eyes sir, we do things on rather a
stable scale. I've seen man on one
of our big farms start out in the
spring and pillow straight furrow until
autumn, then he turned around and
harvested back. We have some big
farms up there, gentlemen. A friend
Of mine owned one, which he had to
give mortgage on, and I pledge you
my word the mortgage was due at one
and before they could get it recorded
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1906-09-09

cate what had become ofsthe boat and
its crew The discovery sof their fate
came about thru the curiosity Of fish
ermen who saw the mouth Of the cave
exposed at low tide and went to ex-
splore it. The lifeboat is said to be in
good condition except for hole in the
forward air chamber.
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1906-09-09

and was just about to rest when he saw
swell place near by and, assuming the
air of millionaire he went to the buff
fet and had one that cost him quar-
How he found his train we did. not
ma md OUT, but as he got off at Waverly,
did you drink them ,drya'' -, ;,
With sadness in his eye and thickness
OF speech he answered: "Nope; but
made them raise the price, 800
Waverly Mills, MINI. &c. Ed.
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1906-09-09
SECOND PRIZE.
This Story Gets SO.
Yet Room for Hope.

Mr.. Murphy and Mr.. Moran had not
seen each other for some time, when
Moran, and l IN married.
"You don't say says Moran.
"Sure," says Murphy, "and T have
fine, healthy boy which every one says
looks exactly like me-
Moran gazed at Murphy, who was
more than ordinarily homelv, moment,
then said: ''Sure and what s the harm,
as long as the boys healthy?o
Canton, S. D. na ". E.O.
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1906-09-09

them for the public. Iwant to plant
lfford to pay $500 fo1r the privilege.
Wont you see If you can fix it SO i
can use them privately, for am a law.
abiding citizen. and do not want to
commit any crime. :,
Boston, Mass. Charles D. Howe.
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1906-09-09
THIRD PRIZE, ~.
This Story Gets So.
Room for One More.

A visiting bishop in Washington was
arguing with friend of his on the de-
STABILITY of attending church. At last
he. put the question squarely:
"What is your personal reason for
not attending?'
The gentleman smiled in a non-of-
fense.intending way, as he replied:
1.-THE fact, is one finds SO many hypo-
Returning the smile. the bishop said:
"Dont let that keep you away;
there is always room for one more"
IN p
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1906-09-09
AUTO OMNIBUS d fIxTuRE
New Carrier Makes Good, in Paris
..5 and Will Stay.

New York Herald Special Cable Service. Copy.
right, 1906 by the New York Herald
Paris, Sept. Automobile omni-
buses in Paris are now considered
fixture. The public places. are well
filled with machines that run with but
rev mechanical Interruptions Those of
the Champs Elyses line % at an alarm
ing speed, the season, it is said, being
the. desire to- compete with the met
1Topolltan trains, which rumble right
below. =. -.
Alarmists predict some bad smashes
one OF these days, perhaps not without
reason, for the huge vehicles run very
fast considering their weight. It is
evident that if any sort of vehicle
Trailer than steam roller ever gets in
the. way and collision occurs it is not
the omnibus that will suffer.
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1906-09-09
A Question Of Ethics.

little Stanley-Paw? !.
Mr.. Busyman-Well, my SOM
Little Stanley-Paw, when doctor
is SICK. and calls in another doctor to
doctor him, is the doctor doctored, the
way he wants to be doctored, or does
the doctor doctor him, just as he thinks
he ought to be doctored9 II. P.
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1906-09-09
A Question of Grammar.

(which is correct, to speak of sit
81 don t., KNOW replied the farm
er's wife, "and what's more, I don It
care. But there is one thing I should
like to know. When hen cackles, has
she been laying or is she, lying!'
= ..... IL, M
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1906-09-09
GOING TO SEATTLE.

D Grawies Of this place viii viii leave
shortly to assume the editorship of the
Building Engine ering Record of Seat
tle,. Wash, an important coast trade
weekly. =. = s]:.9.
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1906-09-09

For the ten months ending april 1906, 81. 200, :
600 worth of canned beef 500 100000 CT heg
products and $4,000. 900 of lard were imported
into Great Britain from the United States.
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1906-09-09

It has always been the in
variable practice Of Hartman's
where our customer is the: head
of a family and he dies after
having made, not less than six.
monthly payments upon account
of his contract. to cancel his
obligation and give to his fam
lily a receipt in full, releasing
them from all further claims
on account Of the transaction.
We believe our trade will agree
with us that this is a most sub.
stantial evidence Of. our interest
: In our customers, and our de.
sire to assist the families OF
breadwinners. at a time when
they stand most in need OF as
sfstance.
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1906-09-09

Hartman's Kitchen Table Cabinet Special.
i This Kitchen Cabinet is absolutely the
most complete cabinet of its kind on the
market. It is made for the Hartman
chain of stores only and under our per-
sonal supervision. It is extra well fin
1shed, the base is made of all hardwood.
It has nicely turned legs and has selected
white poplar top. 1t has double bins for
Hour and meal, fitted with twoS. large
drawers has work and kneading board.
mis- IS an exceptional value. GEE
Hartman's special sale price. 0afs0 y
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1906-06-29
TribouIct. the jester.

Here is Il story of Triboulet, the
Jester OF Francis +. and probably the
most famous i'll history: a great no.
bleman who had suffered from Tribou-
let's gibes threatened to have him fog
ged. The jester complained to the king
Have no fear Francis said, for if any
one were bold enough to kill you
should have him hanged in an hour aft
erward.' oh, sire replied Triboulet,
would it not please your majesty to
have him hanged an hour before?' Tri-
boulet happened to be present at
meeting of the council ut which there
was discussion as TO the road by
which the Frech army should invade
Italy. 'Gentlemen,' Interrupted the
Jester, you appear to consider your
selves very wise, but you are strangely
mistaken, for you have forgotten the
most essential point And what is the
most essential point?' queried Il grave
councillor. 1t is simple enough an
swered Triboulet. You have deIberat-
ed at great length as to the road by
which you shall enter Italy, but you
have never thought of the one you will
take when you have to leave it again."
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1906-06-29
Whore He Dew the Line

IF. j. Coburn OF Kansas. Governor
Hoch's first choice for the United States
senate, has refused The appointment on
account Of ''asSocia tons He said,
when ] thought of my future environ
mcnt my whole nature shuddered at the
suggefion."l
1 am grateful for the kindness that's i'm
piled in your intention.
1 would like TO say the honor but /
really feel l can't.
I would serve my state in any other way
that you can mention,
But you're asking rather more than
grant.
l am not at all exclusive; L can do my
share Of mixing;
There is nothing that's uubonding in the
nature of my spine.
But it's not at all the sort of job on
which my hopes I'm fixing,
For the scnate'S where / have to draw
the line.
I don't think I'm narrow minded; 1 be
lieVe in liberation
For the common little weaknesses and
and foibes of mankind.
I can wink at certain falings, and a
slight association
With the ordinary wicked l don't mind.
1 can make all due allowance for the
criminal profession
When adopted more by accident than
any set design;
TO all amiable follics have always made
concession.
But the senate's where 1 have to draw
the line.
For L have 4 holy horror that I never
can dissemble
OF the doings there. related by the men
behind the scenes;
when 1 read the daily papers like an
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1906-06-29
The Charm of Hand Work.

In the middle ages and the renais-
sance nothing was machine made, for
the machine that turned out things by
the gross had not yet been invented
and hence the individuality of the
craftsman was able to assert itself.
An artistic instinct made the men of
those days seek for ocular pleasure in
their surroundings. Life was of neces-
sity more restricted, more concentrate
ed. Every joy had to he sought in the
home or in immediate surroundings;
hence, perhaps, the reason why they
did not neglect these matters as we do.
who buy such objects ready made and
turned out by the hundred. The beau
ty of things made by men who delight
ed in making them, things made to
endure and by their endurance TO teach
future generations how to improve
upon the best of the past--it is these
that our collectors do well to gather
around them.-Connoisseur
EA1sxAkss& hsfssAi & ass a-ss--,irr -,
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1906-06-29

was other than track man of or
binary ability. True, he had covered
several fast trials, but his lack of eX
perience was thought to be a great
handicap. He viii get ratified when
he appears in front of the big crowd
gathered from a score of states,' was
one opinion expressed concerning him.
But "Hammy' didn't get ratified. AS
Il plain matter of fact he ratified some
of the veterans.
He won in decisive styla two firsts
for his school against the picked men
of the west and middle west. He won
the 100 yard dash and the 900 yard
dash from the stars of Chicago, Afichi-
gan, Wisconsin, Illinois, Indiana and
Missouri.
The lad who went forth unnoticed
returned to his school TO be greeted by
Il hundred bowling fellow students.
brass band and a torchlight parade.
Hamilton is n sturdy lad, unusually
strong and muscular for a sprinter.
But his weight and muscles do not in
terfere with his speeding qualities.
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1906-06-29
GAY FASHIONS OF THE PAST
Dandies of Past Centuries would
Make Solomon Look sad.

Compared with the gay apparel worn
by the handles OF the past ages the
youths OF our time in the gayest of
gay raiment make but Il poor show.
The bishop of Ely in the fourteenth
century had change of raiment for
every day i'll the year. The Earl of
Northumberland boosted no less than
sixty cloth of gold suits at this time.
In Queen Mary's time the wardrobe
of a bishop must have been the envy
of Solomon for the variety and cOstli-
ness of its contents, and even a simple
village priest wore IA veStment of
crimson satin, a vestment of crimson
velvet, stole and fanOn set with
pearls, etc"
In the time of Chaucer the men Wore
clothes as many cOlOred as JOseph'S
coat so that while one leg would be L
blaze of crimson the other would be
tricked out in green. blue or yellow
without any regard for harmony or
contrast.
Even as late as the middle of the
eighteenth century n dandy would
dress himself in vivid green coat. IA
waistcoat OF scarlet, yellow brooches
and blue stockings.
And the gentleman of q few years
later wore. among other vagarics, n
coat of lillt green, with sleeves too
small for the arms and buttons too big
for tine sleeves; II pair OF line MdnCheS-
ter brooches without money in their
pockets: clicked silk stockings; club
of hair behind larger than the head
which carried it; hat not larger than
a siXpence.
1t was a common thing in the early
part of the eighteenth century for q
man of fashion to spend several hours
daily in the hands of his valet. Among
the many operations which took up
this time was the starching of the
beard and the proper pertaining of the
garments, the painting of the face and
amounting with oils. tincturcS. essences
and pomatums.' New York Herald.
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1906-06-29
An UnusuuI Denurture

General Charles III. Grosvenor ap-
peared in the house of representatives
the other day clad in Il suit of white
duck, q suit of white hair and n suit
OF white whisllers. the last two being
his usual appendages, but the first
named being most unusual departure
from his usual statesman black, says
the New York Worlds Washington
correspondent His colleagues gave
him fine round of applause when he
burst into view.
Looks like the Ancient Mariner"
commented Uncle Joe Cannon, who is
poetical at times.
YES" said Serene Z. Payne who is
always prosaic, "or Il white wings"
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1906-06-29
RETURN OF WILD PIGEONS.
John BurrouEiIS' View of FIocI<s Re-
ported Seen In Sullivan County.

John burroughs View of FiocI<s Re-
ported Seen In Sullivan County.
John Burroughs, the author-natural-
list, has returned 10 West Park from 4
trip to Sullivan county, \. y, where
he PASSED some time Investigating re-
ports that wild pigeons had been seen
recently la that locality. says Il Pough-
keepsie dispatch to the New York sun.
Mr. Burroughs was in Poughkeepsie
recently. He said:
II have seen the men who saw the
birds and have every reason TO believe
that they are telling the truth. Some of
them knew the passenger pigeon i'll the
old days, and it is not likely that all
have been mistaken in the identity of
the birds seen lately"
Thirty or forty years ago immense
fiocks of wild pigeons frequented the
Hudson river valley. They disappeared
suddenly, and it was supposed that
they had been eXtermfnated by ruth
less slaughter. The sequence of events
indicates, however, that they We're
driven away and sought new feeding
and resting grounds in other parts of
the globe, perhaps in the southern part
of South America.
Recently focks of considerable size
have been reported in Sullivan county,
and two flocks have been seen along
the Hudson, one a-few days ago by
Elting Van Akin OF Tower Hill farm,
near Port Even.
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1906-06-29

cago dispatch. Minneapolis has been
tentatively selected as the place for
holding the exposition and it is prob
able it Will take place in November. at
the same time the convention of the
national labor body is in progress in
that city. 1t is the aim Of Mr.. GOmpers
TO bring together the products of union
workingmen in every branch of indus
try, to illustrate the superiority and
also to demonstrate the growth of the
union labor movement in the United
ago.
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1906-06-29
MISS FANNY osaoop.

thirty-six hole score of LIS, or two
strokes better than Mrs. R. n. Barlow,
the Philadelphia champion, who came
in second.
The winner, who has twice held the
championship title Of the Boston Wom-
ems Golf sassociation. gained her fresh
laurels bylsteady, persistent golf rath-
er 3hanE by especial brilliancy. 4
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1906-06-29
Il Ne w
WeSt4rn
Sbr1ntu
Of IoqOa State
No,malSchooI, Who Beat
Picked Stars Of Half a
Continent---He Rose to
Fame In a Day---Mus-
cnLar and SPEEDY.

Hamilton, the Iowa State Normal
school Splinter, is looked on as a COM
ing national champion in his speciality.
The lad went to the recent confer
ence meet at Evanston ILL.,, practically
unknown except to the people of his
own town. No one believed that he
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1906-06-29
Her ISfance.

\ West Philadelphia family was at
supper one night. talking about the en-
gagcment of one of the daughters,
whose wedding ayaS soon to be The
negro servant. who acted as waitress,
laundrcss, etc, had just brought into
the dining room the dessert. when one
of the girls asked. Virginia, have you
seen Edith's fiance?" Laws! / doan
know. honey" she replied. Hit amt
been in de wash yit"
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1906-06-29
Death from Locklaw

Never follows an injury dressed with
Bucklen's Arnica Salve. Its antiseptic
and healing properties prevent blood
poisoning. Charles Oswald, merchant,
of Renssaiaersville, n. Y, writes: 1T
cured Seth Burch of this place of the
ugliest sore on his neck l ever saw"
Cures cuts, wounds, burns and sores.
% cents, at Hartz & UHemeyer's drug
store.
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1906-06-29
Labor Fair OF National Scope.

President Samuel Gompers of the
American Federation of Labor sent rep
resentatives to Chicago recently to ar
range for union exposition" TO cele-
bratc the achievements of organized
labor throughout the world and espe-
ciaIly in the United States SAYS a Chi
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1906-06-29

If your stomach troubles you do not
conclude that there is no cure, for
great many have been permanently
cured by Chamberlain's Stomach and
tain TO prove beneficial. They only
cost a quarter. Sold by all leading
druggists.
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1906-06-29

aspen ICaT 4 JremDte,
And | shudder when / read the maya
zines.
No; thank you very kindly and 1 hope
you're not offended,
But no David Graham Phillips sort of
business, please. for mine.
a once broken reputation cannot very
well be mended;
60 the senates where l have to draw
the line.
Kenneth Harris in Chicago News.
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1906-06-29
Theirs is a Happy Home

Where is found the Jewel Smokeless
Generator Gasolene Stove because of
the trouble, annoyance and confusion
avoided by the use of the style adapt
ed to your individual need.
4 Number 1898 is known as a step
stove, having the step burner only
eighteen inches from the floor for
convenience on wash day. The wash
boiler or oven may be used on this
step leaving top of stove free for other
uses.
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1906-06-29
WINS GOLF TITLE.
Miss Fanny OsEOOd. Boston, Cham
pion Woman Player of East.

pion Woman Player of East.
The honor of winning the first an
nual championship of the Womens
Eastern Golf association has gone to
a Boston player. Miss Fanny Osgood
of the Country club of Brookline,
Mass, finished the second eighteen
hole medal play round at the Nassau
Country club, Glen Cove, n. Y, with
Courier Democrat. (Langdon, N.D.) 1891-1920, 1906-07-19

~Suddenly-an lnstant-anu the InlnS
was done, a thing l have never known
whether to admire or to detest. He
caught her, he kissed her before US all,
then flung her from him so that she al
most fell. 1t was that action which
foretold the next. The mate sprang
after him, and 1 sprang after the mate.
Rallies was on the rail, but only just.
Hold him, Bunny he cried. Hold
him tight"
And as l obeyed that last belest
with all my might, without a thought
Of what l was doing save that he babe
me to do it, 1 saw his hands shoot up
and his head bob down, and his 1.-the,
spare body cut the sunset as clearly
and precise as though he had plunged
at his leisure from a divers board.
OF what followed on deck | can tell
you nothing, for l was not there. Nor
can my final punishment, my long i'm
%prisonment, my everlasting disgrace,
concern or profit you beyond the inter