davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Lexington dispatch. [volume] (Lexington, South Carolina) 1870-1917, 1906-08-22


III Il palace all your days. Dot vhas
all. When vhill YOU bring in some
shoes to be mended?'
Never. you Old wretch" she shouts
at me ash she grows red in der face.
do you know vhas Il married whom
an und der mother of seven children.
I 90 right AWAY to der police und hat
you arrested. Shoes? Why, l don't
bring you some shoes to be mended if
you vhas starving to death"'
1 vhas taking down der sign und
going out of der fortune business vhen
a fat man comes in und says:
Hold on a minute, cobbler. 1 haf
ten pairs of shoes to be mended, nnd
bring 'em around after you have told
my fortune. Go ahead and tell me all
you can."
"vhell, you are going to have some
good luck" says.
dot vhas good"
"You need some money in your busi-
ness, but you don't know where to
get it,"
"Dot's a fact"
"In one week from now you vhill go
out in der evenings und sit in der park
to hear der crickets sing. On der
bench beside you you will find wallet
NIT $4,000 in It,"
''But I vhill have to return it to the
loser, who will probably be some nurse
girl
"No, you won't. Dot wallet belongs
to a director of a life insurance COM
pany. For twenty years he has drawn
a salary OF $4,000 a year und done
nottings. His conscience HOW accuses
him, und he leaves dot money on der
bench for some poor man. 1t vhas
yours. Take it und be happy"
"Und dot vhill surely happen to me"
he asks.
''Sure. Nike
"Vhell something's else shall happen
too. shall find an old liar. His name
shall be Hans. der cobbler I shall
reach cut like dis und take him by der
neck und turn him around und give
him five kicks-so, und maybe he won't
deceive innocent peoples no morer'
1t 1has hard times for me, und I
like to shut oop der shop und go to
bed when der policemans on dot beat
comes in.
''Hello, Dutchy! But how about dot
fortune telling?' he asks.
1,1,oc o,,+ ~ I,,c;rnse ra,,1;oc
"But you can't go out until you tell
my fortune"
81 vhas out. und I stay out"
ooh, you Will? Cobbler don't make
any mistake on me. vhas der officer
on dis beat. I can run you in und get
you three months. Now, 90 ahead und
tell me What is going to happen in der
next year"
'.Der commissioner vhill hear Of
you"
dot vhas good"
"He vhill have you call at his office"
"Dot vhas betterv'
'He vhill smile at you"
''Dot means promotion"
''Und he vhill tell you to take off dot
uniform und get off der force asp
quick ashsyou can"
I shall draw some wells over What
followed. Something's struck me on der
head-der vhas some roarings in my
ears und lights flashed before my eyes,
und when I woke oop two hours vhas
gone by und der undertaken vhas say
ing to my wife:
1T vhill cost you one hoonered dol
lars to bury him in der ground Why
don't you put him in coffee sack und
dump him in der river"
NJ. QUAD.
The Lexington dispatch. [volume] (Lexington, South Carolina) 1870-1917, 1906-08-22

BANGS MY HEAD AGAINST DER WALL.
morrow you shall tell fortunes, und
bet dot more ash feefry peoples come
into your shop"
but how can I ten fortunes?" I
asked.
''You shust open your mouth und
speak. No matter what you say, it
vhas all right Dere vhas one hunderd
fools to one vhise man, und it vhas der
fools you vhas after"
Dot cooper talks to me for half an
hour, und before goes to bed dot night
paints me a sign und hangs her oop
in my winder. She reads:
"Come in und haf your fortune told.
She don't cost you cent. Der German
cobbler nefer makes a mistake"
My wife says troubles may come Of
it, but I goes to bed happy. und vhas
hardly awake in der morning When
peoples vhas knocking on der door. Der
first person to come in vhas butcher.
When he vhas inside he Whispers to me:
"Give it to me straight cobbler, und
I vhas always your friend. If knew
you vhas a fortune teller / vhas here
a month ago, for suffer in my mind"
"You vhas going to be unlucky," I
says. after looking at him for min
ute.
"For heavens sake. don't say dotw
II can't help it. You must bring me
all your shoes to mend, but still you
vhill be unlucky. Your wife vhas go
ing to run AWAY NIT another man;
your dog vhas going to die; you shall
hat two lawsuits; your hair shall fall
off und you shall become baldheaded;
you shall fall off street car und preak
your leg; you shall bet OIL der wrong
horse und lose all your money"
But Why should all dis bad luck
come to me?" he groans.
Because you haf sold too much bone
NIT your meat. Think Of der t'ousands
ufid tens of t'ousands Of peoples who
haf paid you from fifteen to twenty
cents pound for bonesr'
But can't something's be done?'
Maybe, if you quit selling bones"
He sits down und holds his head IN
his hands for q minute und thinks it
ofer, und den he shumps up und says:
Not on your life! Der bones help
along der profits. Say, cobbler, I be-
lieve you vhas an old fraud. believe
you are standing in NIT der coal man
to scare me out Of business. Maybe
my hair shall fall off, but yours shall
60 frst"'
Und nit dat he grabs me by der hair
und bangs my head against der vhall
uEd makes me so seasick dot believe
I vhas in der steerage going back to
Germany. like to take dot sign down,
bet before I can do SO vhomans
CONES in. She was tall und solid und
sober. She don't smile any more ash
a paving stone After she looks AZ me:
for minute like judge she says:
''Cobbler, What fate is hanging ofeI
my head?"
I believe she vhas a widow Who
mans mitout any children, und 50 l
says:
"A rich mans mas seen you unO lallen
in love NIT you"
"Fhel?'
HE thinks of you by day und dreams
about you at night
"Vhell"'
DOT man has millions und millions,
und he never loved before. He will
soon throw himself in your vhay und
ask you to be der queen Of his heart.
He vhill say dot he can't live if you
don't marry him.
."Und What vhill say?" she asked.
You haven't seen him yet, but as
soon as you do it vhill be love at first
sight. You vhll throw yourself into
his arms und tell him you vhas his,
und you vhill go AWAY nit him to live
The Lexington dispatch. [volume] (Lexington, South Carolina) 1870-1917, 1906-08-22
The Point of View.

"Did your play fail because it was
bad?"
my dear SIR" answered Mr.. Storm
ington Barnes, mo play fails because
it is bad. Failure is invariably due
to lack of intelligent appreciation on
the part Of the public. Washington
Star.
The Lexington dispatch. [volume] (Lexington, South Carolina) 1870-1917, 1906-08-22
Only WY.

Only Way.
Meeker-My wife and never quar-
rel. She does as she plea;.es, and do
too.
Bleeker-I see-as she pleases.
Meeker-Of course. I'm not looking
Tor trouble.-Detroit Tribune.
The Lexington dispatch. [volume] (Lexington, South Carolina) 1870-1917, 1906-08-22

I Is dozen Mems heavy Fleece-Lined Un-
dershirts and Pants, SOC. kind for this
sale, the garment. .373c.
% dozen Ladies' 1Oc. Swiss Embroid-
cred Handkerchiefs, for this sale,
each Observation-Disclosures. ........ ..5c.
dozen Ladies' Csc. Hose Supporters
fOF this sale, pair, .10c.
500 yards All-Linen Table Damask, for
this sale, yard ..... ......25c.
Is dozen Misses l5c. fine Black Stock
| lngs, for this sale, pair .......... lie.
100 only extra good Mems Umbrellas,
! for this sale, each. ................99c $50.
10 boxes 10c. Sweet Soap, for this sale,
/ pair regular so cent. Cuff Buttons
lOf ................. ..Zoc.
3 regular 25c. China Pitchers for. .25c.
regular 25c. Butter Dishes for. .25c.
regular Csc. Buggy Whips for. 25c.
l pair Ladies' or Gentlemen's Gloves,
Is yards Silk Ribbon, all colors. :. 25c
yards 25c Tafeta Ribbon for. -. .15c.
dozen fine Pearl Buttons for. Csc.
10 pair &c. Shoe Strings for. .25c.
pair 25c Side Combs for. .......... .25c.
Ladies' 10c Back Combs for. .25c.
% Gold Plated Collar Buttons for. .25c,
10 spools best Spool Silk for. .2c.
10 Ladies' &c. Mourning Handerchiefs
/ for 25c.
20 Spools Turkey Red Cotton. 49,. ,25c.
pairs Mems regular 25c. Half-Hose
Tor. .Soc,
Hundreds of other bargains for Spot
Cash.
! Come to see US; look US over. Will be
glad to show you through,
The Lexington dispatch. [volume] (Lexington, South Carolina) 1870-1917, 1906-08-22

The Greeting.
''Tick, tick" says the clock
Up above me on the wall.
'Tinne is going, past recall.
Why let old friend Duty knock
And not open up the door?
Or has Duty called before
And been told to call again?
Must she ever knock in vain?'
"Tick, tick" Eyes, hear,
But I'm busy now, you see.
Go away; don't bother me;
Come around again next year
When l have more time to spare.
What? It's Chance that's knocking
there?
Come right in; why, howdv do?
I've been long expecting YOU.
-PucE
The Lexington dispatch. [volume] (Lexington, South Carolina) 1870-1917, 1906-08-22

25 dozen Misses and Children's Satin
Caps, satin lined, the 25e. kind, for
Is dozen Ladies' 25c. Corset Covers foT
each. ...... ........ ..Ifse'
10 dozen Ladies' SOC. Corset Covers,
eacn. ................ ...""....'' ~eS'
5 dozen Ladies' 75c. Night Gowns only,
each. .......... QUO.
25 dozen Ladies' SOC. and T5e. Waists to
close out at, each. ........... $50.
25 dozen SOC. and 75e: Silk Baby Gaps to
close out at, each. ................25e.
so Ladies' heavy black Stockings, the
best ever offered for, pair r-.......25e.
20 pieces fine All-Linen Table Dannask.
some 72-inch wide.
100 dozen Cotton Towels, the loe. and
15c. kind, only, the dozen .Sec
One lot Of 10c. and LOG. Embroldefles
for, the yard. NEUTRALITY-SUSPICIOUS.. ...5c'
One lot of 1Oc. and 15e, Laees for, the
yard .................... .W'
100 Alarm Clocks, sold everywhere fol
$1.00, our price e.................. 59c
So only $3.50 and 300 Watches, for this
10 dozen large size Glass Pitchers, form
erly sold at 25e., now. w............ .1Oc
500 pieces Fine Decorated Chinaware
worth 10c. each, now. .>..........5 &c
25 Mems $3.50 Silk Fancy Vests, now
each. .....-............ ...... .Sl.Ss
25 dozen Boys Heavy a5c Black Stock
ings, for this sale, pair. r........1 15c
5 dozen Ladies' $50 Fine Black Sateer
Waists for this sale. .99c
5 dozen Mems S1.C0 Silk Muf1ers, fo,
this sale, each. ........o QUO
The Lexington dispatch. [volume] (Lexington, South Carolina) 1870-1917, 1906-08-22
Great Bargain Sale Still Continues

We propose making the month of May
record breaker, and will begin the month
right by offering some of the most wonderful
bargains that we have yet been able to place
before the trade
The San Francisco call., 1906-07-29

run never kept him awake a minute
after he got his overalls of and washed
up. Under these statements of coarse.
unsympathetic facts it may be believed
that knowledge of having to keep to
schedule with merely two eurIey-cued
wedding cakes of pink confeetion left
the French patissieg on sentinel to the
black pit of emotional fears and hys-
teric premonitions.
The settings for his trip had been
onlinous enough in all conscience.
Four days before his Wedding Cake
Special cleared from the La Salle-
street station in Chicago sixteen men
under the catering shops manager of
linens. china and plate. had shipped by
boat for Maekinac with several thou
sand pounds of delicate tableware and
cut glass. There was rain and a head
wind off the four-mile crib at start
ing and goodness only could know
what might have happened already at
sea.
Two days after the boat the manager
in chief of the company. with chef-in-
chief and head waiter-in- chief had de-
parted by rail in lower beAhs in or
der to be at the wharf for the unload
ing of the boats breakfast cargo four
miles from The Pines
The boat, according to schedule
should have arrived eighteen to TWEEN
was in the Wedding Cake Specials To-
comotive steam chest. a few dozen
broken china dishes and cut glass
finger bowls unloading to the nervous
nanager-in-chief at the Maekinac
wharf under these conditions must
leave TO the patissier in the baggage
car a tornado of Gallic displeasure and
punishment If even pink abrasion
should happen to one or the other of
his confections.
All wedding cake looks alike after a
sentimental young witness to the mar
riage ceremony has slept with ii under
her pillow for a few nights. But until
the cake itself has been set upon its
pedestal at breakfast and waded into
by some one with a cake knife in
search of the piece that has the ring
in it that cake must represent the
patissier's Frenchiest art and tout en-
semble.
According TO telegram from Mack
mae on the morning of the Wedding
Cake Specials arrival both these par
ticular cakes had escaped without
scratch. The apex of each was on
straight and little settling had result
ed from either the social or the railroad
record run. From Mackinac railway
station a teamster had taken the two
The San Francisco call., 1906-07-29

home from out of town unexpected and
amt got no key Expects TO find his
wife waiting on the doorstep for him
at in the morning / found one the
other night throwing stones at the sec
ond-story window.
He'd have tried climbing, but the
windows were locked. / used the night
stick and banged the bell until half
the neighborhood was awake and ad-
vising out OF the front windows. Fin
ally woman came down in one of
them Japanese wrappers, you know,
and John said:
I'm back
And she said:
oh. John, how lovely you've came
just like ned walked in soft, instead of
being assisted by the police force. Some
folks amt got no sense of the fitness of
things.
But women's the worst when they
come home with their young men,"
continued the policeman disgustedIy. Il
hauled a fellow down from a wistaria
vine not long ago and told him il
didn't look good to me.
~ think il was just sweet of him,
said the girl, and then she cried.
That's the trouble with women,
they always cry; and then it's up to me
to get 'em in or take 'em to a hotel.
You see woman alone can't get in a
hotel so easy, and il helps 'em out to
have me explain, though they don't like
mostly. / notice, to travel with po-
liceman."
The San Francisco call., 1906-07-29
When Woman F Forgets I Ter Latch Key

Tiny spurts of light and Enuff3ed ex-
clsmations from the darkness OF yes
tfbule in a side street near Jefferson
square made the policeman smile know
ingly as he clicked the gate and went
up the steps.
Please don't arrest me. Mr.. Police
man" protested feminine voice. "Ap-
pearances may be against me. but /
am not a female Rafies- You see, I've
forgotten my latch key"
Then she began groping wildly about
the tessellated floor.
You lookin' for sometime" said the
policeman.
You see, forgot mine" she eK-
planned, and / phoned my roommate
az her Office TO leave hers under the
mat when she went in You see there
isn't any mat here, 50 how can / look
under it2 I'm afraid 10 wake up the
Lndlady, shes so unpleasant, and be-
4 des I couldn't wake her, anyway.
.srge lives three flights Up. I tried 10
throw stones, but it's too far Be
sides. she sleeps like a polar bear"
The policeman grinned understand
fnRly and took out matchbox The
first light showed him a tiny key in the
very middle Of the top step. The girl
pounced upon it with 8 cry of JOY
Now isn't that 5ust like Margel she
said SO careless of her, Why, any
one might have found il there"
Their she thanked the policeman
sweetly and disappeared.
she was game one" he said ad-
The San Francisco call., 1906-07-29

miringly as he joined the curious man
on the sidewalk. Most of them wo-
men latch keyers cry. and the men
swear.
Latch keyers. l call. 'em, and the
complaint is as common as measles
/ get 'em on an average of eight or
ten a week
The men get chesty and try to
climb in windew, but a man isn't
allowed to climb in even his own win
dow, unless he knows the cop on his
beat. Any man trying TO sneak in
window is a second story man TO me.
until he is proved TO be a law abider
only last week 1 had a fellow by
the leg in one of the houses in this
block. Caught him just as he was get
ting in. He said he lived there, but il
wasn't up TO me TO admit it.
Prove it, said l, and come down
until you do.
Just then there was a yelping in
side and the man swore. A dog had
him by the o.4er leg
He don't know my new trousers
said the man.
III your pup thinks you don't live
here says I, 1t amt for me TO contra
dict him
While he was arguing and cussing.
somebody in curl paper knobs opened
the door and looked at him. stuck in
the window
Again. John?' she says, sorrowful.
and I felt him explaining.
Then there's the fellow that comes
The San Francisco call., 1906-07-29

norm. ana the patissier swore IN
French. At Eikhart several sugar OBJ
jectS-spelled with an "e" thrown into
the last syllable of the place-threat-
ened to loosen from the cakes when the
engineer suddenly decided to take a
siding after all At Grand Rapids a
dinky little switch engine hit the spe-
cial on the rear bumper, displacing the
patissier by one meter from the dead
center of his sentinel position. explod-
ing q Mon Dieu" thirty-six hours in
advance of the Mayors Fourth of July
proclamation. Then new monster en-
gine hit the car whack at the blind
baggage end forward and the patissier
let off LIE diable" as the impact re-
gained him the meter of displacement
with several centimeters to spare.
Then the tracks cleared for the
straightaway for Meckinac.
Alone in a trunkiess baggage car at
midnight with only coal oil lamp
smoking in front of tin reflector, lar
BIRD and starb'rd, makes the mule end
blind baggage passenger next the en-
gine tender a reserved seat by COM
parison. In the same baggageless ear,
alone with two fragile wedding cakes
that are likely TO settle and squash
all out of plumb when it is known to
the sleepy French patissier that the
manager and chef of his catering COM
pany probably ars sitting up all
night In the Mackinae station
waiting for him and for his exhibits
and B-here is a situation to pale the
Dreyfus case into Gallo insignificance.
In stern reality d baggage car with
mule end is a coarse, unresponsive re-
ceptacle for two cakes of bride and
groom gender. 1t is bad enough when
it is the mere storage place for the be-
ribboned trunks, grips and hat boxes
of the bride and groom who rein the
stateroom of the palatial sleeper in the
year of the vestibuled train. Given the
two cakes, the clammy atmosphere of
a lonely baggage car that smells of
smoky kerosene at midnight, and an
engineer and fireman in greasy jump
ers hitting it up regardless. even a
stole ought to appreciate the feelings
of the French patissier who is trying
to keep this side up with care" for
400 ielting miles from Chicago to
breakfast!
No locomotive foreman, switchman
or yardman ever cared for cake, any
how. He wouldn't spit out chew of
Tar plug for all the confectionery that
ever was patissiered. He never saw
much use of a floral Gates Ajar'' in
funeral train. and the fact that il was
more aJar at the end of a
The San Francisco call., 1906-07-29

trunk SCARED bagga ge-car that is
an hour over lumber woods roadbeds
Of former times, distinctly is a novelty
TO the p%tissier under whose hands the
creations grew to pink proportions
To preserve these proportions against
the impact of the midnight switch en-
gines. the stub switch itself and the
main street crossings of half a hun
dred Michigan towns en- route had COM
manded a force of expert packers in
advance of the coming of the sleepy
patissier to the train sheds A granu-
lated sugar gargoyle on the .conical
surface Of a brides cake is a thing of
fragile beauty. The Venus de Milo in
strong relief. witt her two arms pur-
pesely broken off in the making, still
would be a further disfigured thing
after such run were it not for the
pastry packer for the patissier.
Furlongs of flmy tissue paper were
required, with hours of time at the
hands of the shippers, to prepare the
two cakes for the Wedding Cake Spe-
cial. In the formation of the cakes
themselves an old law of physics had
been observed. PyraInidal in form and
resting on their own bases, unpacked,
it was impossible short of a head-on
that ttlc iitlS OF diEtCllOH
should fall outside the base" and thus
toppie them over. But packed and
boxed, with the capitalized warning in
half understood English, This side UP
with care" it is not to be wondered
that the sleepy French patissier-sen-
tinel between the towering cake for the
bride and the towering cake for the
groom-possessed his nervous Gallo
soul in inpatienee for 400 dark, bumpy
miles.
At South Bend the Wedding Cake
Special hit one that bent little TOO far
The San Francisco call., 1906-07-29

Pw1 HE wedding cake special is
the latest innovation 10 be in
Jected into the gigantic prob
lem Of modern raiIroading.
N Few years. perhaps. it viii
he found puzzling the Interstate
Commerce Commission along with the
refrigerator car Of the private lines.
And if il Goes the commission must be
prepared for the fight Of its life against
the god Of love. armed with his bow
and culver IN defense
The wedding cake special is of most
recent origin and has established for
itself record that sets railroad Off
Gals seriously thinking. Chicago sent
g speeial train, making almost a record
aking run over 400 miles, to carry a
wedding eske-the brides cake and in
eioentally the groom's cake-to Maeki-
rae and the Chicago society summer
settlement in time for the wedding Of
Vincent J. Walsh and Miss Julia Camu-
Ia Cudahy
The Wedding Cake Special" as il
has been appropriately designated in
the railroad world. few through the
northern woods at top speed-while in
side the special car, guarding his cakes.
was the patissier. and awaiting him
was the manager OF the catering com
pany which prepared a wedding feast
IN Chicago and served it on Mackinac
Island as easily and with as little fuss
as II the wedding guests had been seat
ed in the dining-room Of a restaurant
adjoining the kitchen regions where
the ma sgnifcent feast was prepared.
It required a steamboat, car loaded
with silver and cutglass. and the Wed
ding Cake Special 10 serve the we'd
ding breakfast, but il was served, and
the nineteen men, walters. cooks, man
ayers and the patissier-who accom-
plished the feat and returned to chica-
30 triumphant-and ready 10 cater to
weddings at summer cottages in New
Hampshire or the Rockies.
Thus. Chicago. independent OF Harry
Lehr and the traditions Of Newport
has given 10 the world of society the
first Wedding Cake Special" with
wide open right OF way and clear
The San Francisco call., 1906-07-29

track to the altar. The special train
which cleared from the La salIe-street
station for Mackinac. Mich. bearing
the precious freight of two pyramidal
cakes for the Walsh Cudahy marriage
at The Pines" may have set no new
record for speed. but it broke all rec
ords of the fast set in the social
world.
The necessity for the Wedding Cake
Special" grew out of the fact that Miss
Cudahy of Chicago was to be married
to Walsh Of Chicago at The Pines,
the summer home of Mr.. and Mrs. John
cudahy at Mackinac. It was to be
morning ceremony and wedding
breakfast was TO follow it. Mackinac
bakeries are not equal to the demands
of such an occasion. Only Chicago
could rise TO the requirements for two
cakes, thirty EIGHT inches high, pilas-
tered. gargoyled, and otherwise facaded
in pink confections. with primary coll
ored contrasts in relief. Moreover.
when cut.
Thus the Wedding Cake Special
took its place on the time schedules
of the train dispatcher for at least
social record run.
Building a pyramidal pair of pink
cakes, thirty-eigh inches high, from a
pastry base in proportion, is something
exclusively for the art of the French
pastry expert But dozing all night
between two such cakes on q record
social run of 400 odd miles, occupying