The San Francisco call. [volume] (San Francisco [Calif.]) 1895-1913, 1906-12-30

Smith. They pretty much alike In the
matter of arms, legs and eyebrows; they have
gone to college together and swing In the
same social circle they have about the same amount
Of money and appear to have equally bright pros
poets; they arc alike in a good many ways and yet
they are radically and Enthusiastically different Tones
can drive nail straight, Smith can't Jones quotes
poetry correctly; Smith makes poetry of his own
Jones is handy man-a veritable Captain Dobbin
when 1t comes decorating Christmas tree or car
Tying the ladies' wraps; Smith always does things
wrong and can't for the life of him keep track of his
hat or umbrella Jones is pleasant talker always
saying the right things and always agreeing with you
Smith may sit whole hour without saying a word
and when he does talk he says the thing you least
expect, and says II in way that nobody else ever
said il ever will
Now, how do you explain the difference? Jones is
Jones, you may say and Smith is Smith but that tells
Us nothing. Why is Jones Jones, and why is Smith
Smith, Why do you always know what Jones is
going TO say, Snd why can you never guess what is
running through Smiths head? There's reason;
there be. What is it?
You would find that readily enough if you
were to read little book by Gelett Burgess recently
brought out. The book is called "Are You Bro
~
Theory 1t embodies series of researches into the
psychology of boredom and really readjusts your
views on good many subjects, including your
friends Jones and Smith
What is the Sulphtc theory? Just this: The
human is divided into two classes, the Jones
species and the Smith species The former are Bro
nides the latter Sulphtes The Bromide. are
numerically the greater-you know Joneses than
Smiths. The Bromides get into grooves and stay
there; the Supplies get into nothing and stay no
where. The Bromide" Mr. Burgess tells US does
his thinking by syndicate He follows the main
kTzveled roads, he goes with the crowd In word
they all think and talk alike-one may predicate their
opinion any given subject. They have their hair
cut every month and their minds keep regular Office
hours. Their habits of thought are all ready-made,
proper, sober. benehting the average man"
That's Jones, the Bromide. Smith, the Sulphte,
is Numerically different. He thinks original thoughts
and says original thngs-not that he tries on purpose
be different but because he cannot help il. His
Sulphtc nature is inevitable, inevitable as the
Of his mouth the texture of his skin He is
explosive The only shibboleth By which you may
adequately describe him is you can tell" One
thing only you may expect from him, and that is the
unexpected.
The moment opens his mouth you tell
whether he is a Bromide a Sulphite. Meet him
out in the Panhandle when the sun is out and
gentle breeze blowing and he is to inform you
that it is "a fine day" Ask him how he got on at
Mrs. Brownies reception last Tuesday afternoon and
he is morally certain inform you that he had "a
delightful time Perhaps he'll invite you home to
dinner, and in that he will inevitably the
formula, ~Of course you'll have to take pot luck,
old man, but CONG along"
The Bromide Is the Christopher Columbus OF the
obvious. He is tell you, when crossing the
bay, that we have the finest harbor in the world"
and that you can't judge distances the water it's
so deceptive, you know" Likewise, a day,
he is bound to remark 1--WE don't really feel the heat
because there's much humidity in the air" Go up
Mount Tamalpas with him and he is remind
you of "the crookedest railroad in the world Men
ton friend seeking political prefcrnent and the
Bromide just can't avoid saying. 20, we'll
expect have his character torn shreds when he's
running for Office"
Your friend Jones is Bromide, not because he
usually employs "Bromidoms" Of this sort, but be-
cause be cannot for the life of him say anything else
Smith the Suphite says something different moth
ing at all. Regarding it universally recognized
fact that green is restful to the eyes he
rnits the Bromide improperly of saying Possess
ing definite idea concerning the thoughtessness of
children, he refrains from expressing himself in the
essentially Bromide dictum, "You can't put an old
head on Young shoulders" He will never say Its
too bad" or I'm sorry" because he realizes that
YOU think it is bad yourself and that you have
had no reason suspect that he is duly regrctfuI
Bronidcs and Sulphtes exist in fact and fiction
The first Bromide Adam, the first Sulphte Eve,