davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Washington herald., 1906-10-14
Reform.

From the Chicsso Tribune.
One day a few wise cid Holsters decided
that the centipede had 100 many feet.
They caught him and put him on an
operating table.
What are you going TO do. gentlemen? ?"
asked the centiPeGe.
I'VE are goins to reform you" they
answered.
What is the matter with me?'
You have q lot of surplus feet We
have decided to amputate some Of them 80
You have TO right to NEEDLE with ne. ="
protested the cenupede. Of ! have TOO
nany feet they viii drop Of Of themselves
in time. Suppose you attend 70 your own
business and let me alone
But they paid no attention 10 his pro
test. They biz of his last three feet as
beginning. Then they removed a foot
here and there. occasionally taking one
OF the detached feet and sticking it on in
place Of others that had been bitten of
and when they had finished the operation
they stood of and looked at the centpede
Now" they said, you look much bet
ter That viii do for this time. but when
the public has become accustomed to the
sight Of you ~ your present form we viii
operate on you again and remove some
more OF your unnecessary feet. You stiA
have too many
Then they went away an6 left him.
Presently q friend came along.
What has happened 10 yOu?" asked the
friend.
I have been mutilated by lot Of
Holsters" ne answered.
What did they do It for?"
Just because they were holsters" said
the eenupede, bitterIy.'
The Washington herald., 1906-10-14
THE WHY OF THE HEN.
Her Innate Desire to Cross the Road
in Front of You.
~. Trfr.-- rrrr-i-Ir

From the Chicago Chronicle
Why does q hen cross the rOadT
This question which ranks well with
such cOnundrums IS the cause Of the
rainbow. the origin Of life. and who
struck Billy Patterson, has been solved
Or. rather a solution commonly accepted
In theory has been proved in fact.
The Little-Hagerty race against time IN
a two-cylinder Buick automobile from
New York 10 san Francisco started pri-
m7rily for the information Of Yuan-Shai-
Kai. China's foremost ref7rmer. and to
break the west-bourd record for the trip
But the wild-Fide from New York 10 Chi
as0 was sufficient 20 demonstrate con-
clusiveIy the reason why a hen crosses
the road. a hen crosses the road. i, may
be solemnly asserted and put n the
school books as a fact beyond dispute. 10
get on the other side.
we net thousand Of chickens-msle.
female. young and old-on our way here"
Correspondent Hagerty explained 10
friends in Oliver Hotel at South Bend
during a few minutes rest before resum-
Ing his journey. 1T didn't matter what
SIDE Of tie road the fowls were on. Wien
they heard The machine coming they had
TO risk their lives & ing in front Of US ana
getting on the other side. Il was curious
10 come whizzIng along where one flock
Of hens was pc cefuly peCking away.
one on one side of the thoroughfare and
another fOCk on the opposite side They
were IS safe as the Democratic vote in
Georgia but the moment they heard Us.
which was generally when we were about
twenty feet away. every mothers chick
OF them had 70 get across the road And
they always made it. too. When we got
past each flock had entirely changed
places
Therefore, let us Tsiterate thar hen
crosses the road not only to get on the
other side but because IL IS necessary
for II to get on the other side, even when
il is unnecessary.
The Washington herald., 1906-10-14
WHO WAS WHO.
4 Guess at Former States of States
men and Writers.

men and Writers.
Fram the Pan Nah Gazette
OF course, everybody-who isn't a mere
amateur at the business-has lived be
fore. With no previous experience. Cne
wouldn't have the slightest chance Of l.v-
ing now and making a livi & at T.
EeTnard Shaw, for instance. lived very
often before. He started as Adam, who.
il may be remembered. was a vegetarian
not only with regard 20 diet. but also in
The matter Of clothing. Then Shaw be-
came SophOcles, and did well. After that
he rested. In the fourteenth century he
was @ carrot and won prizes II L.
Later, he degenerated .nt0 Shakespeare.
mere meat-eater. Il WAS a toss up
whether he would be Feincarn ted as
Clement Shorter. But he lost. Next time
be will be Super-Shaw-
Lord NOrthcIlne began as Napoleon.
KeIr HaTdie used TO he Boadicea- Since
then he has, Of course. become more
patriotic
Presumably. Dr. Reich devoted many
years TO being Plato.
Savonaroll Is clearly still with US, as
Father Bernard Vaughan.
Hail. Game was never Shakespeare o.
anybody else. If ne IS ever allowed
another chance, he viii probably be
great t-Zreat-granddaugh erOf Marie CoTelH
Beerbohm Tree was Garrick.
So was BOuTChier.
I was Solomon and liked II
Henry VIII lives again in King Cleopold.
2 E Smith has improved very much
since his Cicero days. and Paul Rubens
appears 10 have forgotten his Wagner
period
~. Bit is absurd TO imagine that
Siegfried was ever Richard)
AbsalOm is now Prof Sims, the hair
sTeCialist.
The Kaiser learned a good deal as
AhasueTus. Frederick the Great. Velss-
quez, Dante, Columbus. Louis XIV.
Mol ere, George Washington, and Mother
Shipton.
The Washington herald., 1906-10-14

From TIE Chicago Post
Attention, all ye VINO are in. need Of cpl
grams Down I'D ChaTlesfOh III there
lives a man as yet unkaofyB % fame.
whose epigrsrnmatical fountain pen never
clogs or spuJters. He stands ready 70 sup
ply YOU with all those deitiyltuTned ideas
so often thought. but ne er 50 well ex-
pressed ''-and ali those .sciiLililatiEg YER
bal retorts you think Of twenty-f0uF hours
too late al the lowest market rates
The discovery Of the Charleston cpl
gTaTmatist followed an appeal sent out
by Chairman Tansey. Of the Democratic
State committee. for terse camI1fgn
catch phrases suitable for display in large
tvpe on billboards.
To-day he received a letter from o. P.
HoltOn offering an unlimited supply and
inciosing samples. Here are two 0f them;
Mark Hanna's S33o0Go0 doodle slush
fund, collected from the trusts and cor
porations or his pledge 20 keep up the
high tariff was used III the doubtful
States to buy votes which did elect Nc
Kinley IN both campaigns over Bryan
against the wishes of the honest voters
OF tie nation just as the efgh1-tO-seven
bo0dlers stole the Presidency from Mr..
Tilden snd afterward acknowledged it.
Thus the g o. p stole three Presidents.
Mr. BRYAN is right I'm holding the club Of
government ownership over the heads OF
the Republican party. when they see
just retribution staring them in the face
they viii cease TO shove their watered
stock on the people. which is the source
Of their chief Doodle fund.
A metrical sample also was Included. II
runs:
NOW cnmss the merry dancs
The y. in tra-ce.
Now vel make sou clog and prancs;
We are on TOP Of Trr TIC
Lake hundred loads 81 bricks
Wen down yow meathouse With oUr pickL
Mr. BrEa-'s on the ST.
P"'H make the g. o. P hump.
Vel I'm orr peerless leader great
IN nineteen hundred and eight
psi L0rmrr the suort;
His cohorts GoEu and cut
We 6aTJ IC- Of y0u ln all;
Gee. but ho# sea weep ard val.
Mr.. Tansey had not hired The Charles
ton writer az the hour Of going 10 press.
The Washington herald., 1906-10-14
AMERICA AS SHE IS IMAGINED
IFishmau Knows Our Flour. but
JumbIes Our GeOgra by.
go lie ChIeaEo E7amIner

Prom the Ihicago examiner.
John Hcpk rs has recently returned
from Europe Tn ireland ] found nearly
every one suffering from decayed teeth. -
said the former mayor. It's a refresh
ing sight there TO see 2 good. clean.
healthy set Of teeth. Among the old and
young alike the mouth opened reveals
black ard decaying worries. ! questioned
one Of the young men and he said the
cause was that he had eaten too freely
of American -four.
But I said. 7 eat -four at home and
nv teeth are good opening my mouth to
show him.
You don't eat American -four.
though. he answered. I wager II comes
from Indiana
well, Indiana Is in America re-
piled.
rs that 500 surprisediy 7 thought
it was in Buffalo, and that Buffalo be-
louged TO Rockefeller he said"
The Washington herald., 1906-10-14
OUR CUBAN POLICY

From tie Baltimore American
NcW Mr. Tatts tactful.
he has lots Of sense.
And C donineeTiDg
he makes 20 preteusc.
Hes not gone 10 CS'bs
To conquer ITS land.
Bat in peaceful friendship
To
Give
The
Glad
Hand
II Cuba viii take Il
Accepting clr help.
Ard ouce more in business
Establish herself
All VIII 90 on smoothly.
But # she gets sick
OF harmony peaceful.
Shell
Get
The
Big
SICK.
The Washington herald., 1906-10-14
II Could ne Better

Ffom the CleFeland Press.
There's a movement on foot TO change
/ the names OF Kansas City. Come to think
| Of it, Kansas City has pretty bad name.
The Washington herald., 1906-10-14
size Ourht to Kuow.

From the Cleveland Press.
How can anybody who sings think?"
asks Lillian Russell. There is no answer.
except that Lillian has been singing since
gTandpas days
The Washington herald., 1906-10-14
Crusade Against La1vIessness NEEDED

From tie Philadelyhia Public Ledger.
The tine is approaching when American
c Commonwealths VIII be compelled 10 take
I'd the subject Of Iawlessness. Few
States are gull,less. In Pennsylvania the
notion iong prevailed in the mining re-
gions that the mere presence OF the OFF,
GERS OF the law was an impertinence 20
be resented by violence The state COM
stabulary is doing effective work In n
moving that pernicious and un-Americtn
delusion: and the Southern States will be
obliged before long to undertake a sinfsr
work II not for the protection OF the
negro. AZ least for the protection OF the
States and the people from the danger
and Generalization which follow the
breakdown Of the law.
The Washington herald., 1906-10-14
It I'D tn Cnrne snme Time.

n F'9au 20 C"Lile oothe AALHe'
tTom The eleyelaad Press.
The Weather Bureau gave Us ample
notice OF that big storm"
at certainly did. It predicted It nvs
weeks ago."
The Washington herald., 1906-10-14
.EpIGRAMS TO ORDER
Artist Offers Services for
the Campaign.
HIS WIT ON TAP AFY TIME

Han at Charleston, III- submits
Samples OF scintiIIating Sentences
Which Are Only Seventy words
Long. and Then Branches OF into
Somewhat RagEed Rhy-me-He Is
stilI Looking for work.
The Washington herald., 1906-10-14
ASCENDED HOLY HILL
Thousands of Pilgrims Visit
ed Noted Shrine.
MANY CURES CREDITED TO IT

LOurdes of the Northwest Yearly
Gaining in Reputation for the
Observation-Disclosures scenes Among
DevOtees in Search of Health-AII
Must 60 Up a Steep Hill on Foot.
Americus times-recorder. [volume] (Americus, Ga.) 1891-current, 1906-03-23
INTEREST OF eoLlcr HOLDERS.

The collapse of the organization
of Georgia policy holders in the
big Three" formed to protect
their interests, as noted yesterday,
is to be regretted. However, Col.
Robt. J. Lowery, president of the
Lowery National Bank of Atlanta
and a trustee in the New York
Life Insurance Co., will go to New
York on April IL to attend the an
nual meeting of the board of trus
tees. He will go armed with a
large number of proxies from
Southern policy holders and will
take an active part in themeeting.
The Judge Andy Hamilton and
"Yellow Dog" fund matter will
come up for consideration at this
meeting, which now promises to be
one of considerable Importance to
the policy holders of the company
all over the country. Colonel
Lowery says he knows nothing
about the report that trustees OF
the New York Life are to pay back
some of the money contributed to
national campaign funds.
Americus times-recorder. [volume] (Americus, Ga.) 1891-current, 1906-03-23
SEEING ciCILY.
Not to Know TEis Island Is Not to
Know Greece.

Not to Know This Island Is Not to
Know Greece.
There are some lands which have al
ways laid SPELL upon The mind, upon
the Imagination. upon The heart Greece,
above all other countries. has eatranced
the mind. The imagination has ever
loved the east-Egypt. the Indies, for
gotten Asia. the almost as mysterious
Asia OF today For most OF Us the
home land is the country of the heart;
for many. it may be, it is Palestine,
where wds lighted the fire at which
the hearts of incalculable millions are
still warmed. Others are content to
say with Emerson i'll the fine essay on
"HeroisnL' THAT country is the fai"est
which is inhabited by the no5Iest
minds" But. above all other lands,
there is one which has at once Impress
cd the mind. tha Imagination and the
heart of western peoples. When Il ia
nous poet declared that on his heart
would be found engraved the word
Italy the words voiced the emotion Of
multitude IN every country of Eu-
rope and il the great northern con-
tinent oversee.
To see Sicily, the old Garden of the
Sun" as the poets have loved to call it.
is not to see Italy, though there may be
a measure of truth in Goethes remark
that not to know Sicily is not to know
Italy. IN Il sense one might more tru-
~ say of Sicily that not to know it is
not to know Greece. In another sense
however, we have In this most beau
tiful of islands the intensifcation of
Italy. Whatever is most Italian is in
evidence here, though it is italian OF
the south and not of the north. What
gulf divides them is known only to
those familiar with the whole PENN
sula.-William Sharp In Century
Americus times-recorder. [volume] (Americus, Ga.) 1891-current, 1906-03-23
NOT a SOUND ADVISER

Judge Alton B. Parker has been
down in Mississippi addressing the
Legislature, and over in North
Carolina talking to the boys in the
trenches. Among other things he
assured Southern Democrats that
they should nominate one of their
own number for President il 1908,
PAYING high tribute to Southern
statesmen; Southern Democracy,
its record and traditions, and using
such arguments as are pleasing to
those Democrats who like to feel
that if they are not the whole thing
they are mighty large slice of it.
Apparently Judge Parker is
anxious for some other Democrat
to have the record of meeting with
greater defeat than he did. 1t
would not be easy for a Southern
Democrat to make such a record.
A Southern candidate would not
carry a single state outside of the
South.
This, however, was all Parker
did, and nearly as much as the
candidate before him did. But we
like to feel that there is chance
to do something more, and with
Southern Democrat as the candi
date we would know beforehand
that he could not be elected.
There is nothing to be gained by
Irunning man simply because he
is Southerner, and there is small
satisfaction in inviting ones neigh
bors to a Barmecide feast.
Commenting on some of Judge
Parker's recent observations, the
Washington Post says;
1.-TWO years ago the Hon. Alton
E. Parker was called In to exam
inc boil upon the leg Of that in
teresting female, Miss Democracy,
the impression being that because
he wore sedate professional garb
and carried along with him what
seemed case of instruments, he
must be physician of especial
potency. 1t turned outafterward,
however, that he was only a piano
tuner and could do nothing for the
case. The Democratic party paid
the bill, and that closed the Incl
dent. If there was anything more
of consequence, we haven't heard
of it."
The trouble is, the boil is no bet
ter. If it does not come to a head
before 1908 the family should ex-
ercise more care and judgement in
selecting a physician. 1t should
at least avoid piano tuners and
corn doctors. Judge Parker's rec
ommendation of a doctor is not
well taken.
Americus times-recorder. [volume] (Americus, Ga.) 1891-current, 1906-03-23

The Savannah News fears the col
or scheme of the United States SUI
preme Court is threatened. With
White, Brown and Grey on the
bench there was assurance of con
servatism. The suggestion that
ex-Gov. Black, of New York, sue
coed Justice Brown is in the line of
keeping the glaring colors down.
Americus times-recorder. [volume] (Americus, Ga.) 1891-current, 1906-03-23
: sestin.e:.t ssna an Autograpa

: certain young lady. SO the story
rms. wrote to F. Marion Crawford
I'll norelist. requesting that he send
her u bit of sentiment and his auto
2srapl The reply was
Dear Miss A.-When you request a IA
vor that is Of interest only to yourself
phase inclose Il tEo cent stamp. There's
Or sentiment. and here's your auto
sra ph- F. MARION CRAWFORD.
Golfers Weekly
Americus times-recorder. [volume] (Americus, Ga.) 1891-current, 1906-03-23

The country is beginning to
think of President Cleveland as an
old man; he has in fact just entered
his 10th year. No one would now
think of his being selected as a
presidential candidate.
Americus times-recorder. [volume] (Americus, Ga.) 1891-current, 1906-03-23

A. A. Murphy of GAINESVILLE,
another edged in the wool" popu-
list, and prohibitionist, has de-
clared in favor of Hoke Smith for
governor, and thinks he ought to
be permitted to vote in a demo
cratic primary.
Americus times-recorder. [volume] (Americus, Ga.) 1891-current, 1906-03-23

Editor Hodges believes, as Chris
tians say and sing, "the vilest
sinner may RETURN" but there
must be protested repentance. So
it must be when populists or re-
publicans propose to vote in a
democratic primary.
Americus times-recorder. [volume] (Americus, Ga.) 1891-current, 1906-03-23

Mrs. Margaret Kelly, aged III
years, participated in the celebra-
ton of st. Patrick's Day in New
York last week. Asked for her
recipe for long life, Mrs. Kelly re
piled: "Have a good time, get a
plenty of sleep and don't worry"
Americus times-recorder. [volume] (Americus, Ga.) 1891-current, 1906-03-23

The Congressional Committee on
Hazing made its report. eve
fnd," it said, "that if all the
guilty were punished by expulsion
there would be nothing left of the
academy but the building and a
caretaker."
Americus times-recorder. [volume] (Americus, Ga.) 1891-current, 1906-03-23

Two hundred million acres of
land will be plowed this year in
the United States and about 9 200,
900 ploWs are on the farms to do
all this work. The capital in
vested in plows alone represents
$4,000, 900.
Americus times-recorder. [volume] (Americus, Ga.) 1891-current, 1906-03-23
4 Simple Precaution.

Landlady (of country inn on the eve
OF Il popular holiday TO her daughter,
who is kneading the dough for a cake)
-Kesei. you'd better put a couple of
eggs aud a bit of butter into the cake.
1t looks as il we were going to have a
storm. ana if the townSfolll don't stir
OFT tomorrow We shall have to eat it
osirsalves-itr0m the German.
Americus times-recorder. [volume] (Americus, Ga.) 1891-current, 1906-03-23

The New York World does not
second Parker's suggestion that a
Southern man be chosen as Dem
ocracy's standard bearer in the
presidential campaign. serious.
~ doubts the practicability ofsuch
plan.
Americus times-recorder. [volume] (Americus, Ga.) 1891-current, 1906-03-23

If the 600 men, women and chill
dren massacred in that Jolo crater
were "outlaws,' why did not
General-Doctor Len Wood arrest
them-or at least some of them?
Americus times-recorder. [volume] (Americus, Ga.) 1891-current, 1906-03-23

make you irritable: you can't sleep.
you are unable to quietly and calmly
perform your daily tasks or care for
your children.
The relation of the nerves and gem
erative organs in woman is SO close
that nine-tenths of the nervous pros
tration, nervous debility, the blues,
sleeplessness and nervous irritability
arise from some arrangement of the
organism which makes her woman.
Fits of depression or restlessness and
irritability spirits easily affected, so
that one minute she laughs, the next
minute weeps; pain in the abdominal
region and between the shoulders !;
loss of voice; nervous dyspepsia d
tendency to cry at the least provoca-
tion-an these point to nervous pros
tration.
Nothing will relieve this distressing
condition and prevent months of pros
tration and suffering so surely as Lydia
E. Pinkham's Vegetable Compound.
Mrs. NJ. E. Shotwell, of 103 Flatbush
Avenue, BROOKLYN, n. Y, writes:
81 cannot express the wonderful relief
have experienced by taking Lydia E. Pink
hams Vegetable Compound | suffered for
a long time with nervous prOstration, back
ache, headache, loss of appetite L could
not sleep and would walk the floor almost
every night.
81 had three doctors and got no better, and
life was a burden. I was advised to try
Lydia E. Pinkham's Vegetable Compound,
and it has worked wonders for me.
II am well woman, my nervousness is all
gone and my friends say | look ten years
younger"
Will not the volumes of letters from
women made strong by Lydia E. Pink
hams Vegetable Compound convince
all women.of its virtues ? Surely you
cannot wish to remain sick, weak
and discouraged, exhausted each day,
when you can be as easily cured as
other women.
Americus times-recorder. [volume] (Americus, Ga.) 1891-current, 1906-03-23

An eminent snakeologist says
that the ensuing year is going to
be one of the greatest seasons for
snakes that was ever known. The
mild winter has been exceptional
ly favorable for snakes and an
early spring will make them plenti
full.
Americus times-recorder. [volume] (Americus, Ga.) 1891-current, 1906-03-23
Arrivals,
: DAILY. I Except sunday

DalIY. Except Sunday.
Sleeping cars between Amerfcus and A..
lanta on train leaving Americas lO:25p, m :,
ana arriving Americas $40 a. m. Connects
&C Fort valley with sleepers to and from
Parlor car for Atlanta on train leaving
Americas at i:46 p. m. Parlor car for Al.
Dany On tram leaving Americas at 2;07 D, m /.
i. =. HIGHTOWER, Agent, Americas, Ga.
Americus times-recorder. [volume] (Americus, Ga.) 1891-current, 1906-03-23

If it be true that Mr.. Rockefeller
is losing his mind, it is the first
thing that ever got away from
him.
Americus times-recorder. [volume] (Americus, Ga.) 1891-current, 1906-03-23
The Times-Recorder is the

fnciaI Organ of the City of Americas,
Oflcial Organ of Sumter County,
Oncial Organ of Webster County.
On1cial Organ of Railroad Commission of
Georgia for the Sd Congressional District
Americus times-recorder. [volume] (Americus, Ga.) 1891-current, 1906-03-23
AMER1CU8, Ga. MARCH %, 1906.

When Taft gets on the bench,
the other judges will have to keep
him from rocking it.
Americus times-recorder. [volume] (Americus, Ga.) 1891-current, 1906-03-23

5053 Acres of land, 70 miles sonth OF
An CIRCUS on the Leesburg read Al miieI
of Snmter City on the Central railroad
$50 acl es in uIi ivation; coed tenant
houses barns, stables, etc. Good value
at $40 and S25 per acre. AM OFFER
ING SAME AT $40 PER ACRE. @. W
Ansley lives near this place and will
take pleasure showing same,
Americus times-recorder. [volume] (Americus, Ga.) 1891-current, 1906-03-23
Nervous Women
Their Sufferings Are Usually
Due to Fema1e Disorders
Perhaps Unsupported
A MEDICINE THAT CURES

Can we dispute
f b e we'll known
factthatAmerican
women are ner-
|vous !?
How often dove
hear the express
sion, 81 am so ner-
|vous, it seems as if
I should f1y;;" or,
I" Don't speak to
me. I" Little things
annoy you and
Americus times-recorder. [volume] (Americus, Ga.) 1891-current, 1906-03-23
CENTRAL OF GEORGIA
K A IL w ~.
schedules Effective, February 4th, 1916
Departures.

Arrival and departure OF trains at Ameri
Gus, Ga-Central Of Georgia Railway Pas
senger station. Goth Meridian Time.
BoletiÌn mercantil de Puerto Rico. (San Juan, P.R.) 18??-1918, 1906-02-07
e. a1astoforo

Tn nuevo invento llamado a
favorecer Ell empleo de los au
tomoviles, Sc supone haber lie
gado al estado de Immediate
apllcacion. Sabido es que por
no haberSe encontrado a1n una
rueda metalica bastante t1exi-
bic y por no dar buenos result
tados a 1antas macizas de
caucho no Sc puede presclndir
de emplear las llantas neuma
ticas para las ruedas de los au-
tOm0vileS. Los neumaticos tie.
men, sin embargo, ell grave in
conveniente de que 81 por cual
quier causa rompen Y pierden
el aire. pueden ser causa de
graves academies por las des-
viaciones que produce de la Il
nea que debiera seguir ell ca
rruaJe. Sc ha encOntrado una
substantial qufmica la que Sc
ha dado el nombre de Elastofo.
70, que, introducida a preston
en- el neumatico, hace. las veces
del aire por su singular elasti-
cidad.
No hay, pues, va que temer ell
que estalle un neumatico V al
Quedar este vaclo Sc produzcan
los inconvenientes Y peligros
tan conocidos. Sc asegura que
exlsten llantaS de caucho que
han funcionado dos amos llenas
de elastoforo, sin que esta subs
tancia haya perdido la elastici-
dad. Sc t1ata, pues, de una gran
ventaja para los AUTOMOBILES, V
10 que es precise ahora es que
no haya exageraClOn en las no
tlclaS que SOUTc eI cIaSt0foro Sc
Qan