Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1906-12-22
In a Christmas Crowd.


| Sir Thomas Upton had been compliment
| ed by New York reporter on the cup for
| fishing boats that he had just offered.
II ought to offer a cup said the genial
Briton, Ito the retail shopkeeper who does
the biggest Christmas trade. The size of
your Christmas trade amazes me-its size
and the dexterity with which 1t is handled.
II heard the other day of a great Christ
| mas bargain sale in Quincy. To one of
the bargain counters a man was rash
enough to venture. He struggled heroically
a little while among the press, then, with
a loud cry, he sank
Help! help! he shouted from the floor.
Help! help! My leg is broken.
The clerk dextrous in the handling of
Christmas crowds. got him up at once.
And you'll find our Christmas splints
and crutches sir he said, on the third
floor back, fifth aisle to the left
Old School Journalism.
Mark Twain, at a dinner in New York,
related some "reminiscences OF his early
days of journalism in Nevada City.
I'VE paid for outside contributions" he
said, but not always in cash. AS a rule,
our letters of acceptance would run like
this:
Dear Jones-We send you per bearer
the county fair Please receipt for same
Dear Col Crabbie-For your valued ar
ticle on The Country's Needs we beg to
send you herewith two gallons of corn
whisky. 1t Is the same brand you have
been using ever since the war. Kindly ac-
knowledge receipt
Dear Tompkins-We incose a corset in
payment for your fashion article
Dear Senator-Understandi that you
are about to enter the state campaign, we
send you a shotgun and nine rounds of am
munition for your admirable article on the
political situation
It Didn't Work.
1.-The late Sam Small had his faults" said
an Albanian, but he did not dodge the
penalty of them. When he went wrong he
owned up like a man, and If punishment
was due he took it.
THAT was the doctrine Sam Small
preached He hated dodgers. He used to
laugh bitterly at the plea of hypnotic in
fuence' that used to be put up by nearly
every murderer.
Il once heard him ridiculing hypnotism.
He said that he bought pretty heavily one
year for Christmas, and when the bill came
in for turkey and mnce meat, candy, ducks,
chickens, plum pudding, fruit cake and so
on he thought to himself that here was
case for hypnotism to be tried.
He went first to hypnotic the grocer.
Approaching the man. he looked him
peatng, slowly and impressively:
My bill Is paid
"A change came over the grocer's face.
His color faded, his eyes grew dull, his
expression blank. And in a strange, me-
chanical voice he muttered:
YOU'RE liar"
sedentary.
Yvette Guilbert, the French actress, is
an excellent skater. In the Boise de Bou-
logne, in Paris, there is an ice rink where
Nine Guilbert's skating Is one of the prin-
cipal attractions
Talking about skating in New York one
day, Nine. Guilbert said:
''It is only through perseverance that one
learns to skate well. 1 am sure no one ever
suffered more than in learning to skate.
II remember one day in my girlhood, the
| second or third time 1 had ever been on
the ice, l was returning home in a crowded
omnibus. and a kind old man got up and
offered his seat.
II shook my head, and the old man laugh
ed good deal when l said:
4" No, thank you. I've been skating, and
I'm tired of sitting down..
Expert Testimony.
Rufus L. Grswold. the Cleveland educa-
tor who holds that 1t is wrong to let chill
dren believe in Santa Claus, was arguing
about his strange views at a dinner.
why lie to children?'' he asked. why
let them believe in a myth? Whenever 1
hear mention of that loathed name Of Santa
Claus l think of a lunatic."
He paused and smiled. Then he resumed:
Some years ago I attended trial where
in my brother was concerned-a trial hav
ing to do with lunatic asylum.
"A witness was being examined to the
sanity of one of the inmates.
You hold that this inmate is insane, do
your lawyer asked.
81 do, wassthe firm reply.
/ why are you sure?'
1.-The man. the witness said. goes about
asserting that he is Santa Claus
And, said the lawyer, you hold, do
you, that when a man goes about assert
| ing that he is Santa Claus it's a clear proof
of his insanity
81 do
why?
Because said the witness, in loud, in
dignant voice, I happen to be Santa Claus
myself
A Sausage Secret.
! DR. John E. Morseof Boston. an authority