davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Chickasha daily express. (Chickasha, Indian Territory [Okla.]) 1899-current, 1906-08-02

IITIIT
VISITS
WITH
UN0TEY-
The Tima fer Bova-

4uc 4AAnc III Doye.
Tn best time OF tn year fer boys Is when
tn school lets out.
They's ishin' In the day time then and
when it's night they's scout
They's swimmin' In m old mill rice an
gopher holes T. dig.
An pick'rels in m pick'rel hole that's
Citing awful big.
Jhey's buttercups an shootin' stars an
bullfTogs full OF fight
They's lots Of things fer boys Z do frum
daylight until night!
tn best time Of tn year fer boys is when
tn school let's out
They's baseball then, an wild west shows
an circuses about.
An picnies by tn Sunday school an con-
certs In tn park,
An lots Of fun & have with sis an her
new hammock spark
An then's tn time 4 go camp out an
through tn woods explore
They's lots OF things fer boys L do when
they ain't school no morel
Tn best time OF tn year fer boys Is when
IN school let's outi
Stub Smith" and me Is goln' up L Brills.
er thereabouf
The Chickasha daily express. (Chickasha, Indian Territory [Okla.]) 1899-current, 1906-08-02

Fer they scampered OF when tn water
flew.
''Thets too bad" sez Jim. ''fer they've
got green eyes
AN a fuzzy head an sum whiskers.
too!'
But he says: GO down T. tn butcher
shop
whsr tn big horns is an you ask
Bill Loz
Fer t let you have jist a quarters worth
OF a buck Sleeps bleat, jist a pound
OF 'ba's,
An frum there. go into tn dry goods
store
Where you ask tn loan Of ther new
round square,
Git meat machine frum tn mn'n'ry
store,
An then hurry back. fer tn lice is
there"
Billy sez they amt no sich thing as lice,
Ner they amt no square. ner a pound
OF s'bas"
An he sez. fer me. II I don't believe.
Thet We'll go right home an wen ask
our mas.
Jist tn same I'm glad thet met this
man,
Fer he knows lot. an he winks at me.
An he sez; MY son, when you ct
growed up,
We will buy this Press an git rich,
by gee!''
When l told my "a thet this Jim an me
Wuz a-goin' Z hitch in a bizness way.
He Jist laughed, an said: I'm suo-
SCRIBE" sez he,
Fer tn Press, my boy, an, what's
more, I'll payr
''Them's tn kind" seq Jim, 'thet nm
lifts tn press"
Could l git one more? an he'll write
Our Bow
While we're young an spryl II III git
one more,
That will pay. like pa, we will start
right nowi
The Chickasha daily express. (Chickasha, Indian Territory [Okla.]) 1899-current, 1906-08-02

over-wrought zeal to be In range Of
the deadly and gaseous missilel
II will be needless for promoters,
upon reading this. to rush madly into
the manufacture Of funnel making, as
Col. Visscher already has a corner
on the crude product and has applied
for patent with all the red sealing
wax attachments. II is only once in
a great while that a man makes a dis
covery affecting the entire race of
club men, and when he does It is no
more than common justice that he
should profit by his originality and
research! At any rate mere man is
under continuous obligation to Col
Bill for his good work in the cause of
common and long suffering humanity.
Vive la the colonel and the funnel
What is home without an automatic
keyhole?
The Chickasha daily express. (Chickasha, Indian Territory [Okla.]) 1899-current, 1906-08-02
LIIIIT
yISIIS
WITH
INUKBYg'
Thl spring Fever Ticket.

~P-A-b @cHcA A4~Act.
Don't fergit that Uncle BY wants tn
presidency bad
Don't fergit Z vote fer himl Think how
you can make him glad!
When he gifts to Washington, he win give
you ali free ice
lie VIII furnish light and heat-and ice
ereaml Won't that be nice?
All the wives shall have new wraps. dia-
mond rings and choo-choo cars.
Iherell be evenings out for men!e Won't
We shine? Well. bless my starsi
Cupid shall be made TO work in the IN
terests OF good times;
Poets, too, shall eat each day and GET
money for their rhymesl
Everyone will have their share and a lit
tie more beside
Vote for Uncle By Climb up where the
wagon seats are wide
Vote the fever ticket straight and git
happy In tn spring
Three square meals and Uncle By'Fs
Jumpin' jeeswax, that's tn thingi
The Chickasha daily express. (Chickasha, Indian Territory [Okla.]) 1899-current, 1906-08-02

An authority says "a teaspoonful
Of saltpeter added to a large pot OF
glue will effectually remove its bad
odor." wish our colored janitor
would carry a tablespoonful in his
trousers pocket.
The Chickasha daily express. (Chickasha, Indian Territory [Okla.]) 1899-current, 1906-08-02
FINS.
rcs Cream SUNDAY. Please.

The ice-cream girl is here again;
She's sucking soda through a straw
She wears a saucy, sailor hat
Her arms are bare-just think Of that
She's dressed in some soft, clinging stun
That makes her look too sweet" the
dear
But what she does to Chawley's purse
Makes thirty cents look cheap, fear.
And anyhow what matters It?
What matters II she buys and buys?
II Chawley's girl did not eat cream,
He'd spend il all for summer tiesl
The Chickasha daily express. (Chickasha, Indian Territory [Okla.]) 1899-current, 1906-08-02

Now doth the ardent fisherman
Come home with strings OF lies
or how the big one" got away
And how he hooked the prizel
Now doth the ardent fisherman
Fish long without a bite.
But buys OF boys a goodly string
When he comes home at night
The Chickasha daily express. (Chickasha, Indian Territory [Okla.]) 1899-current, 1906-08-02
This Really Happened.
CHAPTER !.

CHAPTER !.
Uncle By's" wife is invited to a
recherche function, whatever that is,
and suddenly discovers that she hasn't
"a thing to wear" not a thing. There
is no time for dressmakers and she
decides % buy ready-made gown.
CHAPTER II.
To Clerk-"I will take this one-No,
the one with the passementerie on the
bust and the bias futing on the skirt
but am buying it for a special oc-
casion and | must have it by Friday
morning. Say positively | may have
II for that night and l will take it.
Here is your money"
To Uncle By's" wife-"very well.
promised"
Exit wife.
CHAPTER III.
Friday morning a telegram arrives
announcing the arrival Of some out
OF town friends. Uncle By's" wife
must remain at home Friday evening.
Six yards OF disappointment, ten
yards Of erepel
CHAPTER ~.
To Uncle BY" at seven O'Clock
dinner Friday evening-"And just
think, that dress has not arrived after
all their promising and couldn't have
gone anyhow. I'll just send 1t back,
that's what I'll do The ideal"
CHAPTER V.
Saturday morning dress arrives, is
refused and Mrs. Uncle BY" goes
down town to give somebody a piece
OF her mind and get her money back.
Adjuster very sorry, but the altering
was not finished in time. could not be
finished. help short, etc. etc. Would
madam take the gown?
Madam would not, accent on the
not! Adjuster returns $40 and cred
its alteration Of four dollars to profit
and lossl
CHAPTER VI.
Mrs. Uncle By" still provoked
CHAPTER VII.
Two months later.
Mrs. Uncle BY" is shopping. Has
had another invitation and as usual
hasn't thing to wear and no time to
have a gown made. Feels her heart
Jump as the very same gown is ex-
hibited by another clerk
To Mrs. Uncle By Here
madam, is a pretty gown ordered by
lady of your very form. 1t was
altered for her, but the day she was
to take It there was death in the
family and she took black silk IN
stead"
Gasps from Uncle By's" wife at
the bereavement in her family. and
a flash of the eye that meant: MY
revenge has comet"
Tries on garment. Clerk is de-
lighted. Fits perfectly.
To the Clerk--"And the price?"
BY the Clerk-"Forty dollars.
madam, and a rare bargain!"
BY Mrs. Uncle By"-"Ill take it,"
CHAPTER VIII.
To Uncle By" at dinner table that
night-"And to think beat that mean,
contemplate store out OF four dollars
for altering the gownl It just does
me more than $40 worth Of good!"
CHAPTER TX.
Moral-Don't try to get ahead Of a
womanl
The Chickasha daily express. (Chickasha, Indian Territory [Okla.]) 1899-current, 1906-08-02
he Loves Me-Not

The old way was to pluck a daisy
and detach the petals as you said,
softly: He loves me. he loves me
not. etc. Now the young lady gets
down the rose jar she is about to
cover and picking up a cigar band,
lisps: He loves me" etc II there
are a good many bands. the young
woman seem to think he loves her.
There Is a question, however. II the
young man hasn't spent SO much for
cigars that he win have nothing left
with which to pay the preacher.
N. vm
The Chickasha daily express. (Chickasha, Indian Territory [Okla.]) 1899-current, 1906-08-02
Three-old-Cat.
"Three-old-cat"

"Three-old-cat"
Bill at bait
Two strikes had
Things look bad
Third strike low
Awful blow
Nice big house,
Owned by Krause.
Swell plate glass
Goes ke-smash!
Good fast race
Bill sets pace,
Long hard cane
Gives Bill painl
Pa is mad,
Gets a gadl
Wood-shed date
Oh. what Fate!
"Three-old-cat''-
Bills not att
He saws wood
To make good
Pas Epent purse
Can't - worsel
Forty days
Scarcely paysl
TSree-old-cat,
Requiescat!
The Chickasha daily express. (Chickasha, Indian Territory [Okla.]) 1899-current, 1906-08-02
rha Femala banker

The man who gives his wages to his
wife seldom has to borrow the price
Of a police court fine to keep him out
Of Jail for fracturing the peace.
The Chickasha daily express. (Chickasha, Indian Territory [Okla.]) 1899-current, 1906-08-02
A Family Habit.

Bings says he writes stories the
same way his wife prepares dishes for
the table. Neither of them ever
knows what they are making when
they begin.
The Chickasha daily express. (Chickasha, Indian Territory [Okla.]) 1899-current, 1906-08-02
By Lantern Light.

AN honest mans the noblest work Of
God"
Thus wrote the poet. by his candle dlra.
But were Diogenes alive to-day,
He'd still be searching for a glimpse OF
him.
The Chickasha daily express. (Chickasha, Indian Territory [Okla.]) 1899-current, 1906-08-02

The man who has a system for liv-
ing without work, seldom has any
thing else.
The Chickasha daily express. (Chickasha, Indian Territory [Okla.]) 1899-current, 1906-08-02

The man who doesn't believe the
world is round. should inadvertently
atep on banana peel.
The Chickasha daily express. (Chickasha, Indian Territory [Okla.]) 1899-current, 1906-08-02

Observation-Disclosures never becomes
crime until you forget and wind the
alarm clock on Saturday night
The Chickasha daily express. (Chickasha, Indian Territory [Okla.]) 1899-current, 1906-08-02

Thirty million fruit trees have been
planted in Oklahoma. What an awful
frost Oklahoma is laying up for her
self.
The Chickasha daily express. (Chickasha, Indian Territory [Okla.]) 1899-current, 1906-08-02

Casey cut a chickens head OF and
put the fowl on the floor. It com.
menced to flop round, but Casey ex.
planned the matter by saying: Its
dead. But it don't realize it."
The Chickasha daily express. (Chickasha, Indian Territory [Okla.]) 1899-current, 1906-08-02

Money" says the Bohemian, "will
build a house, but not a home" It
may build a house, out 1t cannot al
ways hire hired girl.
The Chickasha daily express. (Chickasha, Indian Territory [Okla.]) 1899-current, 1906-08-02

Here is one right up to the min
ute by the New York Times philoso-
pher; Some men waste all their
energy impresslng us with the fact
that something ought TO be done"
The Chickasha daily express. (Chickasha, Indian Territory [Okla.]) 1899-current, 1906-08-02

According to Rips" the story goes
that a girl who is attending East
Denver high school was sitting with
her feet in the aisle. and was at the
same time chewing gum. The teach
er. much to the amusement of the
pupils. said: Miss Blank, take that
chewing gum out of your mouth and
put your feet in"
The Chickasha daily express. (Chickasha, Indian Territory [Okla.]) 1899-current, 1906-08-02

A Kansas editor starting on his
honeymoon trip rushed into the sta
tion and purchased a ticket The
bride noticed he had secured but one
and asked why. Thunder and Marsl"
calculated the surprised bridegroom.
Il forgot all about myself"
The Chickasha daily express. (Chickasha, Indian Territory [Okla.]) 1899-current, 1906-08-02
Sermonettes.

Why not discuss the virtues Of your
friend rather than his faults? And
yet how few of us do this, if any.
II you must be slangy don't burr
your RS" or bear down on the accent
pedal like a barroom can rusher
Slang and smoking may be much en-
joyed by those who get only the
aroma and the novelty, If you use
both sparingly. Too much tobacco or
too much slang is sure to nauseate.
It is not only your duty to take care
Of your own welfare but to give the
other fellow an occasional lift. What
have you done to help the unfortun-
ate during the last week? 1t pays
sometimes to balance the books.
You might as well be cheerful.
Laughter makes the whole world
chummy. Remember the story of the
Boston lady that had four dozen eggs
freeze on her one day last week"
Don't be cold and distant and
lugubrious. Be human and full Of
thankfulness for the wonderland Of
life. Keep happy. It pays.
Rx,Sm4s...s
The Chickasha daily express. (Chickasha, Indian Territory [Okla.]) 1899-current, 1906-08-02

A Missouri paper tells how Frank
North and Rube Fales dragged the
road as far as Niles Corners with Hen
Smith. That's a tough way to use
Hen, in my opinion.
The Chickasha daily express. (Chickasha, Indian Territory [Okla.]) 1899-current, 1906-08-02

Why not discuss the virtues Of your
friend rather than his faults? And
yet how few Of us do this, if any.
The Chickasha daily express. (Chickasha, Indian Territory [Okla.]) 1899-current, 1906-08-02

frequently men who are welded to
their art would do better to get a di.
vorce.
The Chickasha daily express. (Chickasha, Indian Territory [Okla.]) 1899-current, 1906-08-02

The young man overdid his part
and the first thing he knew he dis
covered that her eyes were afiame.
The next minute she fired him. Then
he went home and had the heartburn.
The Chickasha daily express. (Chickasha, Indian Territory [Okla.]) 1899-current, 1906-08-02

A Kansas lad who changes color
three times a day, is said to be blue
all the time.
The Chickasha daily express. (Chickasha, Indian Territory [Okla.]) 1899-current, 1906-08-02

A girl in a town not a thousand
miles away got a proposal of mar
riage with the request that she an
swer by telegram. She went to the
telegraph Office and asked the opera
tor how many words she could send
for quarter. He said ten, and her
answer was; Yes, yes, yes, yes,
yes. yes. yes. yes. yes. yes"
The Chickasha daily express. (Chickasha, Indian Territory [Okla.]) 1899-current, 1906-08-02

Appearances are frequently deceit
ful. as has been said before now.
While running a newspaper out west
received a telegram from an old
schoolmate Of mine, a boy who had
reaped goodly harvest Of tares and
was evidently bent on garnering the
proverbial whirlwind. The fellow
was in trouble and appealed to me
thus: Dear friend: | am in trouble
and in jail. shot a man in the ear.
but did not intend to. was shoot
ing at my wife" I didn't send him
the money he wanted. / had cold
feet.
The Chickasha daily express. (Chickasha, Indian Territory [Okla.]) 1899-current, 1906-08-02

The founder lays 7.000.00 eggs in
a year. says the scientist. AS a city
man who Is looking for a chance to
get into the country, think I'll start
a chicken and founder ranch. With
a half dozen chickens and three OF
four live founders Il seems like a
man ought to be able TO founder
along without actual financial suffer
ing.
The Chickasha daily express. (Chickasha, Indian Territory [Okla.]) 1899-current, 1906-08-02

Casey was walking along near Fort
Sheridan late one afternoon and
heard the usual sundown gun. He
asked a small boy what the noise was.
The boy said that it was sundown.
The first questioner replied as fol-
lows: MANY a time it went down in
the old country. but l never heard II
make a noise like that"
IL Ra4,>W04s...s
The Chickasha daily express. (Chickasha, Indian Territory [Okla.]) 1899-current, 1906-08-02

A Tennessee woman comes to the
fore to combat the general under
standing that saying hell" is wrong
That woman has been building a
chicken-coop and has pounded he1
finger, III bet a cookie.
The Chickasha daily express. (Chickasha, Indian Territory [Okla.]) 1899-current, 1906-08-02

Count Boni de Castellane has been
burned in efhgy. A more concentrated
heat generated with a shingle on the
concentric Of his flannels would be
more to the good. It seems useless
to waste real fire on such a slight
pretext.
The Chickasha daily express. (Chickasha, Indian Territory [Okla.]) 1899-current, 1906-08-02

News about the powder trust
should go on the Woman's Page" says
the Chicago Journal. saw a woman
on the street yesterday that looked
like she had been getting her toilet
information from the colored supple
ment.
The Chickasha daily express. (Chickasha, Indian Territory [Okla.]) 1899-current, 1906-08-02
CHAPTER II.

Friday morning telegram arrives
announcing the arrival Of some out
OF town friends. Uncle By's" wife
must remain at home Friday evening.
Six yards OF disappointment, ten
yards of crepel
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1906-06-05

mails as subjects they have succeeded IN
transplanting veins upon arteries and
transforming veins into arteries. the sub
iects living and maintaining apparently
good health.
The briefest summary Of the results
which such an accomplishment may pro-
duce m practical operation Is Of start
ling nature. Some OF the ailments man
toned as possibly durable by this means
are paresis. gangrenous poisoning. uicera-
ton Of the lining Of the heart. and chronic
diseases Of the kidneys and liver. The
theory Is that by this method It will be
possible to supply the affected parts and
organs with larger quantities OF blood and
30 induce process Of cure and tissue build
tion in Its former state.
II surgery finds way to shift the heart
currents about from point to point. even
as a gardener plays his hose, II win have
accomplished marvel Men are now liv-
ing without stomachs. They are walking
about with plates In their heads In place
Of bone. They are breathing and eating
through tubes. Portions Of the intestines
are removed. And with all these changes
and subtractions from the normal. the SUBJ
jects are enjoying life In a degree never to
have been believed In the old dark days OF
hopelessness. In the face Of these mira
cles of science, the transplanting OF veins
and the change Of blood currents need not
be regarded as impossible.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1906-06-05
The Packers Plea.

The packers of Chicago. speaking collec-
tively and voicing what may be regarded
as the sentiment of the beef trust take
issue with the Neill-Reynolds report in
point of its truthfuluess and It's complete
ness and its frankness. They aver that
these investigators did not find a single
case OF the use of actually diseased meat
and that they did not represent the true
conditions when they described the packing
houses as being unspeakably filthy. The
public is at this stage asked to judge as
10 the sufficiency of the report in the light
OF the interested denial of the packers
Messrs. Neill and Reynolds confessedly
related only what they actually saw. They
did not conduct as complete investiga-
ton as the circumstances demanded. There
was no time. They reported what they
saw, and. II their report is truthful, what
they did see sufIlces TO stamp the packing
business as characterized by offenses of the
gravest character. The packers cite the
testimony Of two scientists connected with
the University OF Illinois, who give them a
clean bill Of health. These scientists re-
mind the public that butchering is necessa-
rily a dirty business. and yet that in their
own investigation they did not find any
thing seriously repugnant to cleanliness or
wholesomeness In the operation or the pro-
cedures"
This disclaimer and denial Will not soften
the sentiment OF the public toward the
packers at this stage. They must be ac-
quilted by a higher court than one com
posed OF two local scientific men If Messrs
NELL and Reynolds are not deliberately w.
Ing or are not afflicted with Authorizations
what they saw in Packingtown convicts the
whole meat industry OF the grossest indif-
ference 20 the public welfare. The average
man will at present prefer to believe that
these men are honest and that they are
gifted with normal vision and Judgment,
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1906-06-05
More Surgical Wonders.

The possibilities claimed for the latest
discovery in the world of surgery, Just an
nounced from Chicago, are too vast and
revolutionary to be safely discussed by
the layman. In these days OF marvellous
achievements in science. however, the ex-
pectations of the public induced by sensa-
tional proclamations have often proved
none too high, and 1t may be that eventual
~ all that Is outlined as possible by the
discoveries of the system OF TRANSFORMING
and exchanging veins and arteries will be
accomplished by sliliful manipulators of
the human mechanism.
1t Is obvious that II a method can be
found to direct the blood pulsations into
chosen areas the physician and the sur
geon viii have gained material advance
in the treatment of certain diseases Reeog-
nizing that fact. experiments have been
conducted for years along the line of the
manipulation of the blood vessels Now Ii
is stated with apparent confidence on be-
half of Drs. carrel and Guthrie OF the Hull
physiological laboratory, connected with
the University OF Chicago. that with ami
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1906-06-05
General Miles.

The country cannot quarrel with General
Miles for shaking hands with himself over
the beef report. He recalls the famous cpl
sode of the Spanish war, with some details
that are interesting. He laments to this
day the refusal OF the authorities to go
into the question at that time Has he
still his proofs of those "embalmed' ra-
tons? If so, why not produce them now?
They would make thrilling addition TO a
story already thrilling. He says they show
that the men who imposed rotten stuff on
the country for the army should have been
sent to the penitentiary. If they show
what General Miles thinks they do, they
should have sent those men to the gallows.
What greater crime could be committed
than serving foul rations to the army In the
face of the enemy? In such an act there Is
both possible death to the soldiers and
death to the cause. If an investigation is
ordered by Congressman one should be,
the report to be handed In at the next ses-
sion-why not call General Miles?