The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1906-09-23

gAsg Asg @sgesg Assg@sgAsg esg Asg esg Asge,x @sg
, door to the lower regions, the hole
: proved too small for him and he stuck.
AS he squeezed and pushed in the at
> tempt to get through, the silence, was
broken by a voice from the gallery
saying: We'll, boys, you needn's worry
t now. He'll seems to be so full that
} there's no room for any more down
there
PARADOxES IN THE SAND.
gradually wearing out from lung
trouble. On one of his calls he re-
. marked to the sufferer that he was
sorry to note that he was coughing
with greater difficulty than on the pre-
lvious day. The sick man replied:
l"Divil tal-e it, Doc don't see how that
can be; I've been practicing all night"
Although the Irishman may often be
ignorant, he is generally unwilling to
admit it. Once when game-keeper
was giving an exaggerated account off
the game to be found in that COM
munity, he was asked If there were
any paradoxes in his district. Nothing
daunted he replied: 81 am sorry, your
honor, but them's very rare in these
parts, but yez might find two or three
on the sand when the tide goes out"
! One day when two Irishmen walk
ing along road inquired how far 1t
was to a certain place. they were
told that the distance was twelve miles.
The pedestrians were already footsore
and weary from their long journey,
and sat down by the roadside in dis
consulate spirits. Finally one of them,
: to cheer his comrade, said: 'Sure,
Mike, that's not SO bad; twelve miles
is only six apiece, so let's be going"
One day an aged man said. to cab
man: Help me. my good man, for I
am very old" The rejoinder was
"Begorra, sir, no matter what age You
are, you don't look it,"
ENTERTAINING IN IRELAND.
! The Irishman's idea of hospitality Is
| to provide an abundance of liquor, in
| fact it has been said that he would
not hesitate to pawn his breeches or
his shirt to procure a drink for a
friend. do you know DAILY of Queens
town." asked one Irishman of another.
II used to know him, but he's too
stingy for me. I have never yet left
his table comfortably drunk That a
guest should leave house sober is
either a mark of discourtesy toward
the host, or a reelection upon the lat
ter for not providing enough liquor.
Amy attempt to shirk the bottle or de-
canter is gross breach of hospitaI-
ty. An old custom to prevent guest
from avoiding his responsibility in this
regard was to put a piece of paper
into his glass for every round the bot
tie had gone during his absence from
the room. Upon his return he was ex-
pected to wipe out the score in order
to put himself on equal terms with
his companions.
Many curious stories are told OF Irish
ingenuity in securing liquor under cir
cumstances where abstemiousness
was supposed to prevail. A noted
lawyer had strange habit of sucking
one end of quill pen that rested in
a large black ink bottle on his desk.
He was supposed to be in deep medi-
tation while in this attitude, but his
reputation for studiousness was some
what shaken when the discovery was
made that the bottle contained brandy
instead of ink,
Another lawyer made a pledge to his
wife that he would partake of no in |
toxicating liquor while engaged in the .
trial Of a case. Soon after he was re-
tanned important trial in Dub |
lin, and the court continued it's DELHI !
erations until such late hour that |
nearly every one connected with the
case found it advisable to take some !
spirits to stimulate their energies. AL |
though invited by his colleagues to |
have something. the lawyer remem- |
bered his promise to his wife and re- |
fused their repeated urgiDgs. Finally |
when he explained his plight to one Of |
his legal friends, the latter said: But
you did not make a VOW against eating |
liquor. did you?" When assured that |
the pledge applied only to drinking, the
ingenious chum left the court room
and soon returned with a plate of fresh |
rolls. The centre of each roll had
been scraped out and filed with good
whisky.
WHEN MIKE GETS MARRIED.
The Irish have strict rules pertain
ing to the marriage ceremony. On
the day of the wedding friends of the
groom meet at his house and have a
hilarious time 1T breakfast. Before
leaving home the groom must kneel
down and receive the blessing of his
parents. At this time the mother
sprinkles him with holy water and
gives him small taste of candle
which have been blessed, in order to
prevent disease and accidents. 1t Is
customary for the groom to give a
piece of money to a sorceress to keep
off evil influence. The usual formula Of
Z