Daily capital journal. (Salem, Oregon) 1903-1919, 1906-06-09

meatless food factory this morning. just
to see if there was any perceptible ex.
halation of spirit among the patrons
there. He seated himself timidly across
the table from benign-looking old
gentleman, who might have been re.
tired packer, and a callow, beardless
youth, with hair enough to make him
a poet or O reader of the stars. The
elderly man was reading an article on
"The Weak Spots in Our Constitu.
tion," from "Health Food" publica.
tion.
The young man soon broached the
meat investigation, and the dignifed
party of many years and no hair
slammed down the magazine and burst
out:
"My young friend, it, nothing less
than criminal. They ought to make
those old packers eat can of EN-
balmed ham every morning for break.
fast. Give 'em little of their own
medicine, say What do the books
say about eating meat9 You will find
in that admirable treatise by Jytha-
goras, entitled "The Ham Sandwich
vs.. Cabbage O-oquettes,' Vol. LVII,
pages 6sSS41, the following statement:
'The nature of the human teeth and
the length of the alimentary tract pre-
cludes all possibility Of man being in
, tended for carniverous being. These
two anatomical characteristics demon
strate very clearly to the dilletante, as
well as to the connoisseur, the man IS
herbiverous, and the resemblance be-
tween his masticative, digestive and
assimilative processes and those of the
fruit eating simians is so striking that
the arguments of the opponents of this
theory, specious as they are, fall ut
terly to pieces"
At this point the young man inter
rupted with the remark:
'I find that my own experience sup
ports in toto the doctrines of the great
exponent Of our cult of ancient times
NOW, for instance, New England
boiled dinner acts directly upon the
llocomotor-rhymatic sensarii, and it in
variably moves me to compose little
lay. The last lay 1 laid was something
4 like this:
"'I cannot eat a bit Of meat,
My stomach is no good;
But sure l know that can munich
A slab of spintered wood.
"Thou Shalt Not Kill"
"The humanitarian standpoint must
also be considered, " mused the young
man. as the waitress set double por'
tion Of nuttolent with matted peeans
in front of him. "You see, the meat
eaters must commit murder in order to
satisfy their appetites for flesh, and
there is a moral to this situation. Fol
instance. n fillet of alfalfa with fri
cassee Of uncurried beans destroy'
man's taste for blood, and so / say;
"' 'No floeks that roam the valley fre'
To slaughter condemn;
Taught by the power that pities me,
learn to pity them.
That was too much for the scribe, Sc
be buried himself in the report on the
packers and ordered six poached pea
nuts with a rasher of blonde oats, and
fell TO his dainty and inviting repas'
After breakfast the reporter asked
the proprietor what he thought the ef
feet of the presidents investigation
would be, and the latter replied'
"The president is wholly right aoou'
the matter of inspecting meat IRON
tba boof TO the can, as he expresses II
and IL that be done the most serious
osnaet Of tho danger viii be removed
The present method Of government IN
sneetion is ridiculous and useless
sritsble farce. 1t should be 50 com
n,eta as to leave no danger OF peoPI.
Getting tainted, poisoned or infected
aot As 10 the filthy feature or th'
na.lino houses, 1 don't imagine they
az very much worse than the hsn can
O.y,e. out here on the coast ha''
.os, some revolving speetaeles IN theI
lIt Is dirty work, and Is d0Hs " 'D'-