The Washington times., 1906-03-04

ing furniture from the waves. Ma
recognized Cousin Milcha's china
closet floating, and she yells out:
Get that, Pa. It's been in our fam
fly most a thousand years." So We
rescued it and in il we found a pitch
er that Ma had lent Cousin Milcah
more than fifty years ago. Also a
cook book called ''Aunty Huldah 5
One Hundred Dinner Menus from
Soup to Nuts" that, you bet, Ma was
glad to get hold of. But Pop Wasn't t
so well pleased He says; Like as
not that book was the cause of all
the trouble in Cousin Uriah's home.
He used to he the most cOntented
man in Elam until about two dozen
years back and then there was some
kind OF a change came over him.
Those one hundred different kinds
of dinners did it, most likely. Tells
how 70 behave at table and how to
carve and all that"
Once let Bilhah get a squint at
it, says Shem. ''and IT'S all up with
us, She's getting fussy already.
Says it amt correct 10 wear cur hats
At the table nor take of your shoes
in company"
Nor blow your soup TO loosen Up
the heat" says l.
shes got Ham so ALFRED dainty
that he cant eat pie with his knife
nor stick his napkin, that she calls
a serviette, into his collar," says
Shem.
Yes. that's so. ADDS Pop. Ma
told me, too, that Bilhah didn't like
10 have me come TO the table in my
overalls- 1 reckon that We will all
have TO have our finger nails mani
cured every week and use pomade
on our hair before long"
"Bilhah's got queer notions, that's
certain" said Sham.
Queer" says Pop. @Looneyt She
thinks that patent medicines are
denominations, Says they all have
whisky in them, Ho. no. no, Calls
that an evil, Why, l Teckin that's
the only thing that saves them from
being denominations"
However, she cant persuade me
that Obadiah'5 liniment didn't cure
my sciatica,' - says Shem.
No. nor prove 10 me that Mt
Pisgah Oil doesn't ease my rheu-
matics,' declared Pop. i don't be-
lieve in this Magic Ointment which
they are advertising All over nor IN
witches Panacea nor yet in Bill
dads Balsam. for | have known old
Bildad, 10, these many years and
know him to be an Old skin,'
We'll, Bilhah is preaching against
all of them and especially against
old Mother Zilpah's soothing syrup
10
dope in en- said |.
"Bilhah is Cne of these new wo-
men" Pop said she belongs TO
the Modern Mothers Society and
the WOman's Liberation League. but
/ expect that by the time she has q
few youngsters to look after she
viii be over all that fOCIishness.
This here Woman's Tent COMPANION
Is responsible for more nonsense
than has been Matched in four cen
turies and all this culture and table
manners springs direct from its
pages. It's lucky we won't get any
more numbers unless somebody
comes along delivering them in
diving suit Gee WhiZ, they're teach
lag the women to ride a camel
astride and 10 read the stars and
they'll be wearing trousers next!
1 saw brand CT cigarettes up at
Sheb BaZaa- a couple Of months
since that they told me were made
entirely and solely for the ladies'"
lheres one comforting thing
ABOUT that Kind OF woman, though. ."
says Shem- That kind don't OBJ
Ject TO smoking nor make a man
go out into the woOGshed or puff I'D
the chimney When he needs a com
foTting Whit of two,'
That's so, replied PoD. "and
so we can put up with the new rules
about table manners AID such [ sDD-
pose without murmuring. Bar II
comes hard on plain old farmer tn
alter all his manner OF iivin~ 81
TO speak.
i heard Bilhah tell ZipDorah that
she always could tell a real Tarnor
by the fact tnat he pat on . clean
collar on Sunday" says /.
We'll, [ should surely hone he
did, said Pop, There's nothing
wonderful about that"
"Japheth's got it all wrcng." de-
cIared Shem. Il heard her say fbat
N-~ ~~e-+NA a ~ e4tS tell WNeU II was
Sunday because all the f.rmers pBt
on clean collars"
Hump! that's a different thing"
says Pop.
Cut my thumb with POPS chiseI
and said "Hellity Derni" Ia heard
me and then there was something
doing! She said that there isnH CO.
ing to be any sailors profanity on
this craft, and I got a spanking. Pom
says that while l am really too big
TO be spanked yet ! am too little TO
use ouss words and I got what was
coming TO me! i hollered like all
out doors and made mas heart ache.
but her spanking wouldn't disturb
a hea' II ! never get anything
harder than that I'll have soft
time. Ham laughed and said that if
ne were Ma he would have set the
elephant at the job and have it well
donei Crickey, Think of being
spanked by an elephant.