The Caldwell tribune. [volume] (Caldwell, Idaho Territory [Idaho]) 1883-1928, 1906-11-10

Teacher-Why did the ancients be-
lieve the earth to be fiat? Bright Boy
Cause they didn't have no school
globes to prove It was round.
Il, sir" began Bragg, IAN a self.
made man." YES" replied Wise, "but
why apologize now? That won't help
matters. "-Philadelpha Press.
Mrs. Madison-How do you like your
new neighbors? Mrs. Dyer-I don't
know. l haven't tried to borrow any
thing yet.-Town and County.
Diggs-I understand that Higgins is
quite a clever tinancier. Blggs-Well,
he isn't Why, that man never beat
anybody out Of cent in his life.
| "Algy, don't you find married life
more expensive than bachelorhood?"
well, 1t may be more expensive than q
rigidly single life, but it's cheaper than
courtship."
Senior Partner-There's one thing TO
be said in favor of classical music.
Junior PartDer-What is that? Senior
Partner-The office boy can't whistle II.
Chicago News.
| Mrs. Flip-I have just been talking
to specialist, and he says my brain
vitality has all gone to my long hair.
Do you believe 1t? Flip-Well, er-I
knew 1t had gone Detroit Free Press
| Medical Studsnt-What did you OPP
crate on that man for? Eminent Sur
geon-Five hundred dollars. Medical
STUDENT mean, what did he have?
Eminent Surgeon-Five hundred dol
lars.-Puck.
At the Garage.-Boy-Mr. Smith is
telephoning for his machine. Can you
send it to him to-day? Head Man
Don't see how we can. Why, this ma
chine Is the only one around here fit to
use Life.
| us there any available substitute for
rubber" asked the Instructor of the
class. Eyes, sir" answered Miss De
Muir, one Of the fair coeds II think
stare or cape Is just as good."-Chi-
cago Tribune.
Green-I cannot understand why De
| Short wants divorce His wife had
nearly half million when he married
her. Brownies, and she has every
dollar of 1t yet That's the trouble
Chicago Daily News.
Eyes, I'm going to spend few weeks
at Kloseman's summer resort My
stomach Is all out Of order, and need
rest" "Well, your stomach will get
a good rest there, too. l know the
place. "-Chicago Tribune.
II suppose that some of your battle
scenes are very realisticT said the
sympathizer. "Yes," said the bum actor,
81 have impersonated Napoleon at
Waterloo several times when real shells
were bursting all about me."-Kansas
City Times.
Mamma, what are twins" asked lit
tie Bobby. ooh, l know" chimed in
Dorothy, with all the superiority Of an
elder sister. Twins is two babies just
the same age; three is triplets, four is
Iquadrupeds and FIVE is centipedes."-
Harper's Weekly.
You'll have to fix the poem over be-
fore l can buy it." said the editor.
There appears to be something the
matter with its feet. 81 would have
you understand, sir" said the bard,
with dignity, that am poet and not
a chiropodist. "-Cleveland Leader.
Tommy, what ancient king was it
who played on the fiddle while Rome
Twas burning?" Hector, ma'am." mo,
|no-not Hector" "Then 1t was Dook."
Duke? What do you mean, Tommy"
"Well, then it must a been Nero. l
knowed it wuz somebody with dogs
name"
A reporter of the Paris Matin tried
to purchase a genuine Rockefeller in
terview with check for $1,000. He
failed. The proper way to make an
American millionaire talk Is not to
offer him a thousand dollars, but to try
to get a thousand dollars away from
him.-Puck.
81 would like a pound of your golf
sausage" she said to the butcher. Golf
sausage? Sorry, madam, but we don't
handle 1t. We have blood sausage
liverwurst, ham sausage, and other
kinds, but no golf sausage" "Oh, dear
I'm SO sorry. My husband said he
much preferred the kind made In links.
milwaukee Sentinel.
A little girl was out walking with her
aunt one day. The aunt bowed to a
man they were passing. "Who Is he
Aunt JennieT asked the little girl
Mrs. Littlefeld told her that he was
Mr.. Melrose, the village undertaken
"Oh, yes" replied the child quickly. 81
remember him. He undertook my
grandmother."-H Bazaar.