The new age. [volume] (Portland, Or.) 1896-1905, 1906-03-24

Hes a bad scholar, isn't he7" I'm
corrigibleI He would rather go roam
Ing round In the woods picking flowers
than study botany."-Brooklyn Life.
The Arizona Terror haint got an
enemy In the world. The Tenderfoot-
Lis 1t possiblel The Arizona Terror
Yes; I've killed 'em all.-Philadelphia
Record.
$50 many prominent men are re-
ported to be Ill. What do you suppose
Is the matter with them?" Probably
suffering from exposure. Baltimore
American.
II understood Skinner has lost nil
his money" "YeS, by his speculatlons.
But how did he get his money In the
FIRST place." by his peculatlons."-
Philadelphia Press.
Councilman-I've come to see, sir,
II you will subscribe anything to the
town cemetery. Old Resicent-Good
gracious I've already subscribed
thrco wives.-Life.
Jones-Got a match, Smith? Smith
(insinuatingly)- Yes, but l have no
cigar. Jones-Then you won't need
the match, will you? Let's have it
Cleveland Leader.
mo man is guilty until he Is con-
victed You must always remember
that" Eyes, but this fellow is a
member Of the United States Senate"
Chicago Record Herald.
what do newspaper poets do when
they haven't anything clever to write
about and become commonplace and
dullT "Sell all their dull stuff to the
magazines. Cleveland Leader.
Visiting Reporter-There's nothing
like the spit-ball to kill a pitchers
arm Transcript Reporter-Bcg par
don, but here In Boston we speak Of
1t as the Saliva Sphere.-Puck.
"She told him she simply could not
make up her mind to be the wife Of q
poor man." "He isn't poor man,
though" "No; but he soon would be
II she married him. Brooklyn Life.
"Why don't you make some ringing
speeches against the trusts2" Nothing
to gain" answered Senator Sorghum {;
''the public wouldn't believe l meant
'em and the trusts might. Exchange.
Try to forget me-" she said, with
a look Of pity. How can r. he mis-
erably answered, "as lorg as ! have to
make monthly payments on the things
1 have presented to your'-Chicago
Record Herald.
Mrs. Pancake Ito a fourth-foor
lodger) -Anything the matter with
your steak, Mr.. Hardup? Hardup-A
trihe overturned, maybe, madam; but
really, never saw a drmer muscle -
London Tit-Bits.
Missionary-My friend, do you ever
think about your future slater Okla
homa Ike-Say, pard, don't you read
the papers7 We amt been thinkin' Of
anything else fer tn last five years.
Cleveland Leader.
Path rich are gettln' richer.
Mike-Yis; but they give more to tn
poor than liver before. Pat-Thrue
A Judge will give a poor man six
months now where he used to only give
him tin days.-Judge.
Knicker-I see the government Is
investigating the cotton scandal. Mrs.
Knicker-It's high time. My lovely
bargains that bought for all wool Is
half cotton. You needn't laugh; It's
so."-New York Sun.
She-Well, supposing she did throw
you over because You lost your money
there are as good fish In the sea as
ever came out Of 1t. He-I know, but
that's poor consolation for a fellow
who has lost his bait-New York Mail
Bleeker-The chap across the hall
has a photograph, hasn't her Baxter
NO, he's a dentist, and is filling Mrs.
Gabbitt's teeth. She Is trying to talk
with two rubber bands, a napkin, a
mirror, and drill In her mouth, that's
all Puck.
"She's really not cultured. She says
she can't understand Browning at all. J"
"But one may be cultured and yet not
understand Browning" "Of course,
one may not understand It. but one
should never admit it"-Philadelphia
Ledger.
els Mr.. Scadds a man Of scientific
distinction?" Yes, indeed" answered
Miss Cayenne; "he has so many college
degrees that when he sends in his card
you can't be sure whether 1t Is his
name or a problem In algebra. Phil
adelphia Press
Rownds-Of course, it was business
that detained me last night Mrs.
Rownds-Yesi Rownds-Yes. You
know wouldn't deceive you. Mrs.
Rownds George, you wouldn't de.
ceiye me, no matter what you said
Philadelphia Ledger.
"Is Tim SINNERS still paying atten-
tion to Mandy TompkinsT asked the
man who had been away from home for
some time. NO." answered Farmer
Corntossel; "they don't either of 'em
many any 'tention to the other. They're
married. washing Star.
M Asor1r,-Do vof1 roo 1Iv fhinI, t4Ss