Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1906-06-07
DAILY. STORY.
A WIDOWS INCONSISTENCY.



before night he was gone
Hired man No. was told to take
warning by the fate of No. 1, and he
restrained his love until one day after
her year of mourning was up. The
widow had bought new COW, and the
cow turned out to be a kicker. When
she had Knocked the hired man off the
milk stool three times in succession
and he was running for Il fence rail
to pound her to a jelly the widow came
out 10 the barnyard and said:
Its all your fault, Joe. 1 can milk
that cow night and morning for year,
and she will never stir hoof."
She took the pail and stool and sat
down. She had been milking for five
minutes and was just about to look
around with a smile of superiority on
her face when the cows right leg shot
out like the piston rod of an engine,
and the widow and the pail and the
stool went end over end and brought
up against the fence.
Joe ran over TO pick the woman up
and say something about her smart
ness. but she was unconscious. Then
he dropped down on his knees and
his sake He loved her like mad
Niagara and couldn't live without her.
He seized her hand and pressed it, and
in his emotion he even went so far as
TO print kiss on her marble brow.
But it was one kiss only. While he
was puck ering his mouth for n second
one the widow awoke from her solar
pleXus blow and rose up and kicked
him harder than the COW had kicked
her. He started to hunt another job.
a third hired man took his place. He
knew of the fate of his predecessors,
and yet not two months had gone by
when he put his foot into the same
bear trap. He had fallen in love at
first sight, but had been very careful
not to show it. His suSpenderS held
him until one day he got a third drink
of hard cider. and then he tried to take
the widows hand and tell his love. He
got the hand against one of his sun
burned ears. He also got the bounce.
When hired man No. t brought his
trunk the Widow Henderson decided to
leave nothing to chance. She looked
him square in the eye and said:
Il want no nonsense. The minute
you begin to play the fool I'll begin to
bounce you. l am hiring you for n
hired man and not for husband"
You refer to the men who have de-
parted 2" queried the man, whose name
was Tom Parker and who neither look
ed nor acted like the average hired
man.
Yes, sir. l do
''They were idiots enough to fall in
love with you'll understands"
Il don't know as there was anything
so idiotic about their falling in love
with me-" answered the widow. a bit
provoked, but 1 want no such tom
fool nonsense"
And you shall have none from me-
wouldn't marry the best woman that
ever squinted up her eyes to thread a
darning needle"
The widow had set out to tell the
new hired man what was what, and
when she came to think it over she
couldn't figure that she had got the |
best of il. He knew his business as a |
hired man and attended to it. While |
he was of the family, he was not with |
it. He kept to himself as much as pos
sible, and. while respectful and will |
ing. he was quite formal. The widow |
stood it for a couple of weeks and then |
began tie feel piqued over it. The only |
one she had to consult with was her |
hired girl, and one day she said to her:
Don't you think the new hired man
1 queer acting fellow
Hes very standoffish, I see. He
hasn't asked me two questions since
le came"
The others used to ask you about |
ne. didn't they?" queried the widow.
"a hundred questions"
"And they said 1 was smart and good |
ookingE" Il
'They We're forever saying so, and | II
ant understand about Thomas, as he II
makes me call him.
The widow couldn't either. She want
ID no marriage proposals, but she did
want to feel that she was of some ac-
count in the hired mans eyes. 1t
niffed her TO find that Parker treated
Ter as indifferently as the well pole, II
hough with the greatest respect, and
hat he preferred to sit in his own II
Dom of an evening rather than enjoy
Ter society in the family room. She
discovered that he was better educated
han she was. had good business ideas
md that he could beat her all hollow
It buying and selling. She had rag
o chew, and she chewed it for many
ong weeks. She had threatened to L
bounce him IL he fell in love with her.
md now she was mad because he
hadn't
As she chewed she found herself adj :
hiring and liking, and one day when
he was churning the butter it came
'ver her all at once that she was actu-
lily in love. Butter went up to 40
ents pound in sixty seconds, and the
Tired girl found the widow blushing
ike a girl of sixteen. When the butter
lad come and been poured out of the
hurn the blushing woman walked out
IN the yeranda, where Parker sat |
an ak, and, walking up to ,
i'm, she asked:
do you really think those other men i
ypra Idiots ., \