Omaha daily bee., 1906-08-19


Of mellow fiakiness None OF your skimp-
ing. half filled pies did Miss Beiler make.
They fairly ran over with the sweet and
golden contents. When the eye Of the
gloomy captain fell upon this triumph Of
Miss Beller's art scheme OF revenge
suddenly flashed upon him. That pie
should never be eaten l. should never
be baked The too acqulsitive lieutenant
should never enjoy the luscious fruit Of
his seductive wiles. He should learn that
II was one thing to steal cook and a
very different one to partake of her Gus
tard pies.
So the captain bied him to his tent and
forthwith issued an edict banishing Miss
Beller from the sacred precincts OF the
walla walla military post, and file of
soldiers seems to have been sent to en-
force II. One tall and robust son Of Mars
was commanded to set his military boot
down squarely In the middle, OF the pie,
lest some confederate of the lieutenant
should bake II after all, and then. with
the band playing and the commanding
officer In full uniform leading the process
sion, Miss Beller was marched out OF the
post. Let no one henceforth assert that
the United States regular army is of no
use A military power which is able to
get the better of oook need fear nothing
from the allied hosts OF decrepit Europe.
Captain Towards victory is one Of those
which the poets OF future ages will delight
to sing and his name belongs to the i'm
mortal few which were not born to die.
-
Perverstty of Illuminate Things.
Walking upon the polished floor of a
Los Angeles drawing room the other day
Nine. Helena Mojeska stepped upon a
small rug and "skidded" like an automo-
bile on a slippery pavement, bringing up
against a heavy table and doing herself
severe injury. The episode will excite the
sympathetic attention of a host OF people
who have undergone a similar experience.
All the synonyms for treachery are fee
BILE and inadequate when applied to the
combination mentioned-a highly polished
floor and a rug Of. say, 1sxSO inches COM
ments the Chicago Chronicle. This is the
highest development of the trap for the
unwary.
The caller, perhaps q middle-aged gen.
tieman of full habit, IL ushered into the
parlor and stands gazing across the ex-
panse Of waved oak. dotted here and there
with rugs of various sizes and degrees Of
hideousness. He signs. clinches his teeth
and sets out cautiously for the dvan at
the farther END of the room. He makes
the first few feet of the journey in safety
and acquires confidence. He reaches an
oasis In the form OF a large thick rug and
pauses to take breath. Then he starts on
again.
BY this time he has become somewhat
jaunty and even reckless. He begins TO
lift his heels instead OF sliding them along
the floor. He throws out his chest and
thinks favorably Of himself. That is where
he extends an invitation to disaster.
For as he prances along the perilous
route his foot strikes the small thin rug
that has been laying in wait for him. A
thrill OF horror passes up his spine as he
begins to slide-slowly at first, then rap
idly. He waves his arms in a vain effort
to regain his equilibrium. He clutches at
pieces OF furniture as he whizzes past
them. He performs gyrations suggestive
of Delsarte and a dancing dervish CON-
bined. The speed becomes furious.
Precipitation streams from the victim.
His breath comes in short pants. The
catastrophe approaches First one foot
and then the other slides from beneath
him and at last, with a wild, despairing
whoop he lands in the extreme corner of
the room. embracing a Louis Quartorze
chair and contemplating the wreckage OF
Satsuma vase which has been the pride
Of Its owners heart The small rug. its
surface wrinkied into what looks like q
malicious grin, lies at his feet. At that
moment his hostess enters the room.
And so through months and years the
small rug and the waxed floor combine to
claim their victims The man who wrote
the essay on ''The Perversity of Inanimate
Things" lived before rugs and hard wood
Aoors became fashionable. Otherwise ht
would have written his essay on rugs and
hard wood floors.