Aberdeen herald. [volume] (Aberdeen, Chehalis County, W.T.) 1886-1917, 1906-09-27

under an auto? Dusty Rhodes-Naw.
that's where the owner stays
Clipped.
Truthful.-"IIow do you take your
steak?" asked the charitable house
wife. II takes it mighty rare replied
the tramp.
80 you feel that your automobile is
perfectly safe? Most of the time
when 1t is in the repair shop"
ington Star.
Toast.-"Father. why do they call a
speech made at banquet toast?"
MY son." was the answer. "it Is prob
ably because 1t is SO dry"
Caution.-Mrs. Newife-Bridget,
new stove until you try the oven. SO il
it doesn't bake l can send it back.
docs he believe in the survival of
the fittest?" "He does" "On what
ground?" "Why, he says he's here and
that proves it."-San Francisco Call.
Mrs. X.-You used to call me an
angel. Mr.. X.-Well, l used to think
you were one. Mrs. X.-And now?
Mr.. X.-And now | wish you were
Cleveland Leader.
Reporter-Why Is 1t that so many
people commit suicide in the spring?
DR.. Thinktank-I don't know. l think
myself that a we'll or a river would be
better.-Flashlight
"Step lively!" said the conductor.
Not on your life" responded the
grouchy passenger. IF felt like doing
that I'd walk and beat your old car"
|-Philadelphia Ledger
Ethel showed papa one Of your
poems and he was delighted. Scribbler
Indeed Ethel-Yes; said it was SO
bad he thought you'd probably be able
to earn living at something else
Judge.
Somewhat MiXed.-A young man
who was about to he married was very
nervous, and, while asking for infor-
nation as to how he must act, put the
question: us it Missionary to cuss the
bride?"
Isn't it splendid out here all alone?"
began Mr.. Boreim. who had found her
musing beside the quiet lake. YES
replied Miss Bright, Il was thinking
that very thing as you came along
Philadelphia Press.
Mrs. Wilder Cat the door)-I thought
l told you never to call again. Mr..
LOster-I didn't come to see you,
madam. came to collect little bill.
|"Ah-I see-er-call again, won't
|you?'-Cleveland Leader.
1t was thankful Alma wife that
sent the following recommendation to
a patent medicine firm: "Gentlemen be-
fore taking your medicine l was too
weak to spank my baby, but now l can
lick my husband"
Patient-Well, doctor. do you think
I'm getting we'll all right: Doctor
Ion, yes you still have good deal of
fever, but that doesn't trouble me. "Of
course not. If you had fever 1t
wouldn't trouble me."-Scissors.
II think my speech ON this question
will have some effect" 1T has already
had an effect" answered Senator Sor
ghum. you have caused two or more
questions to grow where there was but
one before. '-Washington Star.
Young Lady to Clerk in bookstore
/ am looking for something suitable
for an old gentleman who has been
married fifty years. Can you suggest
something? Clerk promptly "A
Half Century of Conflict. Life.
Mistress-I am sorry to trouble you.
Bridget, but my husband wants his
breakfast tomorrow at ) 80. Cook
Oh, it won't he no throuble ut all. mum,
If he don't knock nothin' over whole
cookin' it an wake me up.-Judge.
Bishop-Never again preach against
or reject so-called tainted money.
Curate-Yes. sir; but Bislop-\o
butts; if we intend to successfully COM
pete with the devil on modern lines we
must first ruin him financially.-Life.
Young Husband told the governor
| thought it would be wise If we start
ed housekeeping at once. Young Wife
And did he endorse the opinion?
Young Husband-Oh, yes, he endorsed
the opinion all right.-Town and Coun-
try.
And them said Miss Passay, "he
asked me if wouldn't marry the first
man that came along Think of it"
"Yes?" replied Miss Pepprey. The
idea. Don't those obviously unneces-
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