Audubon Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Iowa) 1894-1925, 1906-11-22
ALL ON ACCOUNT
Of A FISH
m Matrimonial Dialogue After One
Month of Married Life.

place.
Ethel looked up from her plate with
start. "Bad?" she said II think
you must be mistaken. Jack"
Not much room for a mistake here.
The fish doth protest too much"
You have had bad day downtown"
retorted Ethel, and in consequence
are somewhat critical and bad-tera-
pered."
"One doesn't need to be very critical
o discover fact that is so obvious. -
The fish isn't bad, and you have
no right to say so. It's reflection on
me-
Nothing of the sort. It's refec.
ton on the fish dealer"
Its reflection on my housekeep.
Ing. And | got three prizes for do,
nestle economy at school and have
studied the subject deeply ever since
we were engaged. And here you are
finding fault after we have been mar.
ried only a month" And Ethel burst
INTO tears.
We'll, there is no need to make such
a fuss over small matter"
Its not small matter to be found
fault with by ones husband. And Il
thought you so different from other
mem"
Here followed another rainstorm.
And | thought you were deal pref.
tier and had more common sense than
the average woman"
Ethel unconsciously ut a rebelli.
Gus curl into position at this remark.
You married me simply because
you wanted housekeeper. / can or.
der the fish, but | can't order the
weather" she moaned as she proceed,
ed to drench lace handkerchief. ]
could not help but notice, with Ger.
tain amount of satisfaction, that she
was one of the very few women who
can cry without making their noses
red.
Don't behave like spoiled child"
| said. do try and be reasonable"
THE law interferes when a man
beats his wife" continued Ethel, "but
when he treats her with refined cru
city she has no remedy" And the lace
handkerchief went into play again.
Il think l had better leave you tc
yourself for a short time," said, land
then, perhaps. when l return you will
be clothed in your right mind. will
look in at the club"
Ethel sat bolt upright at the men.
ton of the odious word.
Club" she said, and her eyes
blazed. Yes, go to the club, stay at
the club, live at the club! And may
the club fall in upon all those heart
less husbands who have deserted their
heartbroken wives!"
"A nice. pious wish for four weeks
old wife,"
IT'S fate too good for such con.
duct"
'If during my absence" l said you
find time hang heavily on you hands,
you might read Much Ado About
Nothing"
Thanks for the advice" retorted
Ethel. Men are not the indispensable
creatures they appear to think. l
shall have no difficulty in occupying
my time. /, too. will look in at my
club"
Ethel" l said, sternly, Il was not
aware you belonged to club"
That's quite likely" she replied In
an exasperating tone of voice. Bella
Eastwood belongs to the Doves and
l will look her up this evening. 1t will
be good opportunity to have my
name put down for membership. 1t is
as well to have outside interests when
ones husband is merely a lodger."
At this remark | stalked out of the
room and closed the door with deal
of energy.
On entering the club l met a fat,
selfish bachelor. l am now of the
opinion that all bachelors are selfish.
Looking rather hippy, Carlton" he
cried. Doesn't double harness suit
you? notice all you newly married
men stink back here after few weeks
of matrimonial strife"
l refrained from kicking the ami.
mated barrel and passed into the bill
lizard room. After missing a couple OF
easy caroms and nearly slicing a piece
Of the cloth, l threw the whole bust.
ness up in disgust and returned home.
wondered how Ethel was enjoying
herself at the club. | thought | would
just look in her room to make sure
that she had gone. The door was open
and l entered. There was Ethel, and
as she caught sight of me she imme
diately pushed book, which | recog
niZed as learned treatise on cookery
under some cushions. Her eyes were
very red and felt like brute.
They keep very good hours at your
club" / said.
20, didn't go after all; 1t was toe
much trouble to change my things
Did you enjoy yourself?" she asked
with formal politeness.
mo; l didn't"
Il trust your capacity for enjoyment
has not entirely deserted you"
"On the contrary, 1t has been greatly
increased. But prefer mixed club.
you might have saved me that re
mark" said Ethel. Though you ma,
not find satisfaction In the company O
your own wife. you might at least re
frain from boasting to her of you
prediction for the company Of othe
women"
went over to Ethel and put my arm
around her.
at repeat I prefer a mixed cIuh ILL,