Audubon Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Iowa) 1894-1925, 1906-02-22
ADVICE TO CANDIDATES.
BY joe Trigg the Versatile Editor of
State Register and Farmer.

AS this is the season when the citi-
zen of the republic is bordering over
the question whether or not he will
"place himself in the hands of his
friends" and be candidate for some
Office, we want to offer few reasons
why he had better not run.
First-It is very doubtful if you are
qualified for the place you seek. 1t
will probably be too big for you. A
little man in big mans suit of clothes
always looks smaller than he really
is, and wicked people are sure to
make fun of him.
Second-You have little confidence
in human nature now. After you get
through with the campaign you won't
have any. If elected you are very
likely to get the big head, if defeated
you will be sure to have a sore head
for long, long time, just like
Third-You, not being wholly sane
titled, have probably at some period
in your humble career done some
things that would not look we'll in
cold type, or sound we'll as street talk.
When these get aired you will feel
very mad, and mortified, and heartily
wish you had not been fool enough to
run.
Fourth--If you are real good kind
of man, your opponent, or the oppo-
site party, will swear something onto
you, and though wholly false, it will
bother you just as much as if true,
and make you good deal madden
than If it were true. 1t is almost inn
possible to kill campaign SANDER
until after election, and then they die
of their own accord.
Fifth-You will have to be sweet
and friendly towards lot of chumps
that you have nothing but profound
contempt for, shake hands with men
you had rather kick, and trail your
self-respect and independence in the
dirt. If you say you won't do this,
but will run on your dignity, you'n
get left, sure.
SiXth-It will cost money, and more
than you dream of. Forced contribu-
tions will be levied on you to build
churches, pay for brass bands and
campaign speeches and the beat who
has one vote of his own and claims to
oopfpol fmo ,nora lomn IN n;,,ood
creek will strike you for loan of
5000, which always proves to be per-
manent investment.
Seventh-If you should be elected,
you will probably never know when to
let go, and will have to be choked off +,
and kicked out. You will get notion
that nobody else can fill your place,
and having once held Office, will hate,
after being choked off, to go out into
the cold world to earn an honest liv-
ing by hard work, and will be eternal
ly hanging around and scheming to
get in again.
Eighth-Once elected You won't find
Office holding the soft snap it now
looks to You. You then become public
property, the dear people will find
fault with you, and no matter how
hard you may try, you will find it hard
work TO suit them. If you don't see
fit to patronize all the measly news
papers published by your constituents,
you will be accused of belonging to a
ring" and be called some choice
names; see late files OF the,
Lastly-The general effect of Office
holding, especially when the Office is
sought and worked for in modern
style is to spoil good man, and
while the temporary possession of a
small Office may crafty your pride,
you will find it will cost more than IL
comes to.