davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1906-02-04
Who Sent That Pick?

Not long ago wealthy Irish con,
tractor died, leaving to his wife a
good-sized fortune in real estate and
bonds. Both had come to this country
many years ago, and he had begun
work as a day laborer Gradually by
saving and good sense he came to own
cart, and in the course of time bios
somed out as politician. He made
money fast, but as he assembled the So
.cial ladder his. wife turned away from
her forIner friends as not being fit
companions for her increased impor-
lance. This was fully demonstrated
when he died.
The room in which the coffin lay was
filed with flowers and mourners, but
Mrs. S. did not appear for some time.
When she did enter she was heavily
yelled. She looked neither to the right
nor to the left, but walked straight to
the casket. A huge floral anchor stood
prominently out among the other
pieces. AS the widow saw it, with
flashing eyes she raised her veil, and
turning angrily on the company, de:
manded with as much hauteur as she
could summon: S. -, ..--
"Who TIL divil sint that picke'
~...... Y .s- R. G. B.
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1906-02-04
SECOND PRIZE
This Story Gets So
She Dotted on Scott.

They had just met; conversation
was somewhat ftful. Finally, he de-
cided to guide it into literary chan,
nels, where he was more at home, and
turning to his companion, asked:
"Are you fond Of literature9'
"Passionatsly,' she replied. 81
love books dearly.'' ..
"Then you must admire Sir Walter
Scott he exclaimed with sudden ami
nation. els not his Lady of the
Lake. exquisite in its flowing grace
and poetic imagery Is it not9'
cit is perfectly lovely,' she as
sented, clasping her hands in ecstacy
IL suppose I've read it a dozer
times.''
"And SCOTS 'Marmion,' he con
tinued, with its rugged simplicity
and marvellous description
cit is perfectly grand,' she muir
INJURED.
"And SCOTS 'Peveril Of the Peak,
and his noble bride of Lammermoor,
you like them, / IN sure.'' 49,.
IT just dote upon them,' she re
piled.
"And 'Scott's Emulsion,'' he con
tinued hastily, for faint suspicio,
was beginning to dawn upon him.
"I Think she interrupted rashly
"that it's the best thing he eve
wrote.'' Mrs. Eva Ekbergh,
1416 West Twenty-seventh street.
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1906-02-04

One day a very nervous, timid-look-
ing woman, accompanied by robust
farmer, came on the platform at one .ef
the country stations. For a snort time
she seemed to devote her attention to
the time table, but not finding there the
satisfaction she sought, she stepped
up to the station agent as he came our
of his office. evil you please tell
me if the three-ffteen has gone yet?n
she asked in concern.
eyes, about twenty minutes ago., -
he replied.
"And when will the four-thirty be.s.
along, do you think?' sssz#
HWhy, not for some time yet - g2s
care there any expresses before
then7' Toas
"Not one.''
"Nothing at all?' =.
"Nothing whatever s-r.ge
"Any freight trains9" So
"No'
care you quite sureq"
"Certainly I am, or wouldn It have
said 500 ~
"Then," said the tinid woman,
turning to her husband, 81 think we II !.
cross the tracks, William" j. NJ.
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1906-02-04
All Kings Looked Alike to Him.

An American admiral, cruising in the
Mediterranean, dropped anchor in the
bay Of Naples, near the private yacht Of
the king of Italy. After an exchange
of salutes, the king sent word that he
would visit the American vessel. So all
hands were set to work preparing for
the royal visitor. He came on board
attended by his suite, fall attired in the
very snowy full uniform of the Italian
army. The admiral assigned to each
gorgeously uniformed visiting officer
one Of his own to act as guide, and did
the honors in person by showing the
king about the vessel. Presently he
felt his sleeve furtively plucked from
behind, and turning, saw one of his
boatswains in evident agitation.
"Well, what is it, Jack7' said the ad.
miral. Please, sir,' was the answer
III stage whisper, .tplease, sir, one OF
them. kings has fell down the hatch
way.'' - .s &C. N. C.
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1906-02-04

w. I. Nolan, the humorous lee
turer and story teller, acting as
judge from the hundreds of re-
|. sponses, has selected The stories
herewith printed as the best IN
the weeks competition and awards
the three prizes as indicated.
The Journal offers SIS, first
prize; So, second prize; So, third
prize for the ''Best Story You
Ever Heard retold in your own
words, to be submitted by Thurs
day this coming week-prizes will
be awarded in next Sundays Jour-
nal. -.
Stories should not exceed 800
words. Should be written on one
side of the paper only. with the
name and address at the top of
each story. Initials will be used
as signatures If requested. ~
Omit introductions. Tell your
story briefly. New and true stories
are to be preferred in awarding
prizes, but old stories told in the
writer's own words will be con-
sidered.
Manuscripts will not be returned,
turned, so do not inclose stamps.
Address, Best Story Editor, Jour
Journal, Minneapolis, Mimi.
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1906-02-04
Applying the Rule.

There is a. genela al interchange of
passes among railroad men, and the
president and the vice president of the
Pennsylvania railroad have passes all
over the country. President Roberts is
a very strict man. One stormy day in
winter he got on the New York divi-
sion and took seat in. the middle of
the car. The conductor knew him, as
we all do, and when he passed him the
president simply nodded. IT was a
catch, and Roberts was only trying to
sec if his man would break the rules
and not make him show his pass. =
The conductor fell into the trap.
When he passed again Roberts arose
from his seat and tapping him on tho
shoulder, said: =" :.~.-.
"see here, you, have not seen my
pass - ..-.- ~ .-
"No, sir,'' faltered the conductor,
"but-but I know who you are. - a.
"That makes no difference re-
torted Roberts with a ~frown, 1'the
rules are: made to be obeyed and not
to be broken, The, rules laid down fo1
your guidance say that any passenger
| who has neither ticket nor a pass must
pay his fare or you must eject him
from the train.'' .a.
II know it," replied the conductor
Hbut-'. d.
"No butts Now you may go.'
~ haven't seem your pass yet
tho,' demurely remarked the ticket
puncher, wishing to demonstrate the
thoroness Of his lesson. -
''That's right,' replied Roberts ap
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1906-02-04
THE MINNEAPOLIS JOURNAL
Sunday, February 4, 1905.

Z Il rsk
sprovingly, make no difference be-
tween the president Of the road and
the poorest passenger" 8
He reached in his inside coat pocket
and then into his vest pockets. The
conductor grinned. Roberts sallow
complexion grew paler and then red
der. He went thru his pockets again,
but no passes.
The conductors smile grew more e1.
pressive.
Hump!" exclaimed the president
(" Singular just stop as you pass this
way again"
The conductor stopped, and the
president dryly handed him a SIS bill
and told him to take out the fare. He
had left his book of passes at his
office. Mrs. ]. F.
Neche, N. D.
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1906-02-04

= Pat and Mike went into a restaurant
one day and both ordered baked mack
erel. When the order was brought one
mackerel was large and nicely Drowned
while the other was very small and
burned. RI
ooh, Pat, and will you serve the
mackerel?" said Mike. so. 49, -
"Oh, no, Moike, I could not think
Of it, answered Pat. ... ~.
So after much talk it was decided
that Pat should serve the fish.
He promptly gave the smaller one
to Mike and settled down to enjoy the
large one. 5... .-... ,..
"Well, Pat, you are nice wan. Sure
and I would have given yez the big
wan and kept the little wan mesilf, .
exclaimed Mike.
"What are yez kicking for thene'
said Pat. "Haven't yez got it,"
=. -. i-1.L. M D.
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1906-02-04
GOOD STORIES THAT TYPIFY
HUMOR OF THE NORTHWEST
The Journal Prize Competition for The Best Ever Heard
Brings Many Responses from Fun Lovers and Jokesths
from Which Selections Are Made-Another Competition
for This Coming Week and Its Conditions.

to compose the letter, which when fin.
ished, he submitted for Sans approval
81 know YOU IL excuse me, suh,' said
the darkey, scratching his head, "ef ]
offer suggestion-some pc try like dis:
De rose am red,
~. An de vylet s blue;
De pink am pretty,
:s:.- AN so is you. ...-. !
/ Without a smile the lawyer inserted
the poetic sentiment desired, and ther
asked if that was all. After another
pause, while Sam again scratched his
head, he added: ~ = .@- r..
~ think, sub, dat dere's one mo
thing oughter go in; dat is I hopes
you II please 'scuse dis pore, mis- 'rable
writin and de bad spellin. ,"
Morton, MINI. j. P. P.
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1906-02-04
FIRST PRIZE
GO 'Scuse Dis Mis- able Writin' -
This Story Gets So

" 'scuse Dis Mis- able Writin'.''
There is a lawyer in Atlanta who for
merly had in his employ colored boy
by the name of Sam. One day Sam
sought out his employer in his study
and, after some circumlocution, stated
that he desired the lawyer to see to
"pertickler' business for him.
"You see, suh,' said he, hesitating:
ly, Else got gal in Alybammer dat
wants you to write letter to-
"Oh, you want me to write your let
ter for you, eh?' asked the lawyer
with smile. sEAnd what is to be the
subject of your epistle7''
The lawyer put to Sam some further
interrogations, such as, edo you want
to marry herr Does she love youf''
ETC., etc, to all Of which questions Sam
gave decided "suttinly, sub. ~-.
The:lawyer proceeded with some care
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1906-02-04
9 Human Liver Is Friable.

The children had been studying phys
iology and, had written composition
on the human liver. In correcting the
papers, Miss Smith was astonished to
find at the end of an accurate descrip-
tion Of the liver this remarkable state
ment: "The human liver is good
fried.''
Rather aghast at this, she carefully
re-read the textbook, looking for clue
which might explain. AT last she found
this statement and understeod: "The
human liver Is easily friable.''
-Queenie Briggs.
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1906-02-04
Borrowing Trouble.

Two little girls were earnestly dis
cussing their future. =. ,
IT," said Ella, "am going to be a
school teacher .
IT," said Mae, Fam going to be a
mamma and have free dirls and free
boys.' . .-.... d, .-.
Ella then exclaimed, "You send them
to my school and I'll whip them and
whip them and whip Them 4.
+ Whereupon poor Mae began to cry as
If her little mother heart would break
and pitifully asked: > r... .,-...
( Oh, Ella, what have my poor shil
lerns ever done to you that you could
'buse 'em sog'' Mrs. L. D. Mel.
Blanchard, MINI. -.
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1906-02-04
A Morning Call.

A proprietor of a hotel engaged
new night clerk in hurry, so did not
wait for references. A travelling man
came to the hotel and asked the night
clerk to give him room. He took him
to No. 60 and when the clerk was about
to leave him, he asked if he could be
called at o'clock the next morning.
The clerk said: "See that button
over there9 Well, when 6 comes push
that button and we will come up and
call you.'' "-' --Benedeck Reyleck,
- - ~Bathgate, N. D.
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1906-02-04
The Cross-Eyed Bear.

'.Mamma, y said little John, els there
anything in the Bible about cross
eyed bear?o
"Why, no, said his mother.
tWell, in church today the preacher
got up and talked about cross-eyed
bear, and when the choir got up to sing,
they sang about consecrated cross
eyed BEAR
Johnnie heard them sing, "The Con-
secrated Cross I III Bear
Delano, MINI. Arthur Davis.
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1906-02-04
THIRD PRIZE
Wouldn't That Jar You?
3. This Story Gets So

"0ts1Sf23 q : 11s0V VtS3 10W n
A little girl living at Rochester, Ill,
had been taught to say her prayers
down on her knees before her bed,
every night before retiring. She al
ways wound up by saying, "God bless
mama, - "God bless papa" and SO on
down, enumerating each member in the
family. .zsl x~......
One night her mother was sewing in
the room. while the little one was pre-
pairing for bed. She said her prayers
as usual, and got into bed. She had
been in bed only a few moments, when
out she jumped, kneeled in front of her
bed and said: .-. 49,. ,.
"Oh Lord, I forgot grandma !;
wouldn't that jar youq''
&c., ~ III
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1906-02-04
Her Present.

A little girl who had just learneds to !
read was sent to Sunday school for the
first time. After the school was dis.
missed she ran home in haste, greatly
pleased with her first experience, and
said:
ooh, mama, the teacher wrote pres
emit after my name, SO must go every
Sunday, for I don't know just when
she will give it to me. ;"
Mrs. L. E. ST.. i
WATERFOWL, s. D.
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1906-02-04
Tainted Money!.

A certain clergyman Of our own city
who is endowed with wit as well as
wisdom was trying to collect sum of
money to use in some needed church
decorations. A friend Of his "a man
of the world) heard of it, and, enclos-
ing $40, sent him letter like the fol,
lowing: ~ ..... -.ts z<,,*.s
"Dear -. I present you
with this $40 to swell the decorating.
fund-that is, if you don't object to-
taking tainted money. Yours ass<:'
The reverend gentleman promptly re-
piled:
"Dear The only faint
see about this money is-'Tain t
enough. Yours ---.' ..r.-s
Minneapolis. Mrs. H. B. Ia
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1906-02-04
Calling Central. -

Telephones were being put in in our
rural district. Uncle Peter watched
the work with great interest and heard
them speak to Central.
He was the first to use his phone.
Taking down the receiver he exclaimed
with great gusto:
Halo, is dis der, middle9" ~
b w. 81. L.
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1906-02-04
He'd Get Over Il.

A very fat man was riding on the
streetcar. He was reading a paper and
was holding it SO he occupied two seats,
A man that had been drinking got on
and seeing an elderly woman standing,
said to the fat maE:, You better get
up and give a lady g seat.
7 The fat man replied: "Shut up;
you re drunk. - H..
eyes, IL know I'm drunk, but II
get over it, but you re a-hog and
you will never get over it,
Sioux City, Iowa. - F. H. A.
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1906-02-04
The Lid in st. Cloud.

st. Cloud people, even the under
takers, second the mayor s endeavor
to put on the cid"
At the close Of the funeral services
Of a prominent citizen, the undertaken
being little ratified and without
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1906-02-04
An Irish Hemorrhage,

An Irishman was busily engaged in
painting his house with green paint,
when, stepping too near the edge of the
scaffold, he fell to the pavement below
and spilled the green paint all over
himself. A crowd Of people gathered
around him, and one excited Individual
came running and asked what the trou-
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1906-02-04
Her Physical. Culture.

Two ladies were talking about mu-
tual friend who was taking a course of
physical culture exercises. One said:
= Well, I think it has improved Mrs.
BIS walk and carriage very much.''>
just then the little 6-year-old playing
in the room asked what physical culture
meant. His mother explained, and then
noting the puzzled look on the little
fellow IS face said: ." What is the mat.
ter, deare Don't you understands y
Whereupon, with all seriousness, he re.
piled: s. -.
oh, yes, understand all right, but
mama, I don't see how all that would
help Mrs. B IS sidewalk. and buggy
any" "A. I. s.
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1906-02-04

lighted in the livestock When he
found out that hens made eggs he was
anxious to see one Of them at work.
Being a patient waiter, his desire was
finally gratifed. Proudly Selling the
product of the. cackling fowl he
marched into the house with his prize.
fsLet me have it, said his aunt,
s.and we will cook it for dinner,
..Oh, tain t necessary" replied the
boy. aThe hen cooked it. It's still
warm. S. Parker,
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1906-02-04
A Useful Hen.

A New. York boy learned many
things during a visit to the country.
Everything on the farm was new to
the little fellow, and he especially de
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1906-02-04
Good Reasons.

"Sambo,' said the owner of a coun-
try place to his gardner, concerning
that tree wanted you to cut down,
my wife thinks it had better be al
lowed to stand.'
"Well, All think it ought ter come
down, Massa Brown" was the reply.
"What are your reasons for think
ing SO, .Samboe' 81. .<a..,.-
"We-ll, de first am dat de tree done
keep the light off the greenhouse; the
second reason am dat it's getting old,
and the third reason am dat I cut It
down last night &C. A.,
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1906-02-04

BILE was, when one of the crowd. an
swered, Oh, only an Irishman having
a hemorrhage.' "A. J..
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1906-02-04

thinking Of the Appropriateness Of
the remark, said:
/ The friends Of the deceased may
now pass around the bier, after which
i the lid will be put on.
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1906-02-04
What the Complete Power
Plant Consists Of:

producer into which anthracite coal is fed in
which the gas generated.
Second-A scrubb which the gas cooled and cleaned
tank from which the draws it's
ply of gas.
gas engine in which the burned and
generated.
These all connected by suitable the entire system being
tight The suction the creating the draft the
keep the combustion From the nature of the
fuel consumption
be increased and since the operation nearly
the liberty spend of his time
at other employment
We have these plants operation -four mills and electric light
plants and they the best Of satisfaction for this class of
work
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1906-02-04

The small steam at best
it requires the skilled engineer keep
of fuel
obtained only large great of
salation
It is worthy Of notice in this connection that
will larger initial of installation the fuel
justifes the extra expense .--. ... --
We 70 the modern Suction Engine
Power Plant These have successful operation
rope great years long passed
the experimental stage. s.. s:...s '---
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1906-02-04
Didn't Make Any Difference.

1882 Lumber Exchange.
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1906-02-04

Before of these had been in this
country taken complete plants Russell
Miller Milling Co., Jamestown for the Piatt Electric
Co., of Coopown d. and for George Duncan Of Edinburgh
N d. these three engines being 80 H. for the
Fering Co. of Chicago Ill., furnish 60 H. p and twin engine
beted generator for the Grand Rapids Brass Co.. at Grand Rap
ids, Mich. to furnish 100 ..4 J..
These have been completed and four Of them
actual operation while being and should be in
operation within the 80 days. =
An 80 H P electric light plant has been sold the city Of
Randolph, Neb .-.. .!#ez.s .
~:."~ Results Even Better Than Expected
in
North Dakota showing that entirely satisfied that everything
N. 0,
Minneapolis Machinery
furnishing fulfilling the claims
of
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1906-02-04
Makingl Certain Of Il.

WATERFOWL, s. D. &
The Nevada County picayune. (Prescott, Ark.) 190?-current, 1906-06-19

Four room house, one-half block land
high and dry. Good garden, strong
we'll of water. $4,000.
SEE ELLSWORTH.
WANTED--5OO0 potatoe plants, will
pay liberal price. Correspond with
B. F. Steele, Prescott, Ark.
Jim Snodgrass represents the Globe
Oil Co., of Cleveland Ohio. If you want
Roof Paint or Lubricating Oil it will
pay you to see him.
Nothing equal to Priekly Ash Bitters
for removing that sluggish bilious feel
ing, so common in hot weather. II
creates strength, vigor, appetite anc
cheerful spirits.
Good appetite and cheerfulness fol
lows the use of Prickly Ash Bitters. l,
purifes the blood, liver and bowels anC
makes life worth living.
Call at Hesterly Drug Store and get
free sample Of Hesterley's Vegetable
Liver Pills.
The Nevada County picayune. (Prescott, Ark.) 190?-current, 1906-06-19
j Mrs. Wade for Duck Hats.

See Mrs. Wade for Duck Hats.
phone us that news item. lis
All steel full circle Hay Presses fol
ale by Mcdaniel Hdw. Co.
F Car Hay Presses just received by
Mcdaniel Hdw. Co.
The Home and Farm and the Twice
week Picayune for Sl.0O.
Mrs. Shankle is selling all her trimm-
\ hats at reduced prices. Give her a
bill.
The Commercial Appeal, American
tarner and Twice-a-week Picayune for
boo.
Buy the Victor Talking Machine and
kcords from A. Monson, new lot just
eceiyed
Save your laundry for me, | will call
81 it. Jno. T. Milburn, Agent for
Philadelphia Steam Laundry.
| Hesterlys Vegetable Liver Pills are
uaranteed to give satisfaction, price
bc. per bottle.
Help make this good paper by
Ending US all the news items. Phone ll5.
Miss Ruth Bascom, of Little Rock, is
'isiting in Prescott.
j. W. Holt, of Williams Camp at the
| Id Of the P. & N. w. track was in
be city Sunday.
Dr.. S. j. Hesterly and j. I. Nichols
aturned from the Indian Territory
unday where they have been looking
the country for the past week. They
kport everything on the boom out
here.
The party at the home of MIR. and
hrs. j. NJ. Milburn last Thursday night
las pleasant affair and the young
|eople engaged in many games anc
kher amusements. There was a liter
~ contest and Miss Mary McRae car
Jed off the prize, while Miss Ruth
[oncrief won the 'Booby" prize which
as a package of cheroots.
Miss Lucy Gam will spend the mex,
fw weeks in Kansas visiting.
The Picayune offers you the best
ubbing list ever offered in this county.
ne Twice-a-week Picayune, the Ameri-
hn Farmer and the Commercial APP
Pei all for the price of one-all three
rpers for one dollar.
The Nevada County picayune. (Prescott, Ark.) 190?-current, 1906-06-19
PRESCOTT g, HOPE 2.
June l4th, 1906.

An aggregation of ball players from
Hope blew into town Thursday morn
ing and that evening Prescott, without
four of her regular men, to-wit: Nc
Lain, Shakleford, Lemon and W. Wal
Ter. proceeded to give them lesson in
the art of playing the National game.
Although the game was rather one
sided affair throughout, Prescott win
ming by the score of 8 to 2, brilliant
plays were made on both sides, the
features of the game being the batting
of Yeager for Prescott and the fielding
of Greene for Hope.
South-paw McKelvey held the visitors
down from the jump and their only
scores were made in the ninth. Cat
fish Tompkins covered that portion of
the park known as short and showed
the crowd present how that position
should be covered.
Wiley, the latest addition to the team,
who is deaf and dumb, covered third
and promises to be star. His work
was entirely satisfactory to the manag-
ment, and he was often cheered by the
fans. One thing sure, he never becomes
ratified at what any one says to him and
is never calling the Umpire down.
B. Johnson covered the initial sack
and proved himself worthy of that bag.
Following was the line up of Thursdays
game:
Base on balls of McKelvey, 8; off
Briant, 3. @t r.
Struck out-By McKelvey, II. By
Briant, IL. "s "t
Prescott = l-O-0.2-1-0-2-3-x-9.
Hope--O-0-0-0-0-0- 0-0-2---2.
Batteries, Prescott, McKelvey and
Yeager. Hope, Briant and Ward.
Umpire, Gould Wilson.