Aberdeen herald. [volume] (Aberdeen, Chehalis County, W.T.) 1886-1917, 1906-10-08

$50, Tommy, you wish to be excused
from school this afternoon" "Yes'm."
lis your excuse good one or Is 1t
baseball" Both, ma'am."
why did you have the sun-dial
moved, Amy?" II wanted it where the
| moonlight would shine on 1t, so we
could tell the time of night" Life
Knicker-Strange they didn't name
the baby after its rich uncle. Booker
, No; he looked ut it, and said he'd
give them $4,000 not to.--IIarper's Ba-
/; Ear
Stella-Professor lie says candy Is
cure for fatigue. Bela-Thats true;
man who brings me chocolate never
makes me as tired as man who
doesn't.
Mistress (soliloquizing) lin afraid
| this hats rather out of date Maid
oh, no, mum. It's quite fashionable.
| Cook has just bought one exactly like
it.-Punch.
Lawyer-My wife bought this rug
in my office at an auction sale. Client
She paid big price for it, too. Law
yer-How do you know? Client sold
1t to her.-Detroit Free Press.
A Georgia man lost leg In an accl-
dent, and when they picked him up the
first word he said was: THANK the
Lord, 1t was the leg with the rheuma-
tism In it!"-Atlanta Constitution.
New Bookkeeper (to employer)-
How shall l enter up the five thousand
dollars that your old bookkeeper ran
away with-profit and loss? Employer
No, charge it to running expenses.
New Dentist Gin Frozen Dog)-Will
you take gas? Bronco Bill-Will 1t
hurt If l don't? Dentist-It will.
Broncho Bill-Then. stranger. for your
sake l think I'd better take it.-Life.
Lady Visitor-That new girl Of yours
seems very nice and quiet. Mistress Of
the House-Yes, she's very quiet. She
doesn't even disturb the dust when
she's cleaning the room.-Everybody's
Journal.
AS small Tommy was about to climb
into his chair at the dinner table his
mother said: Are your hands clean.
dear?" COURSE they are" answered
Tommy. IF you done believe it, look
at the towel
"Where are we going to take lunch?'
she asked her husband. while out in his
touring car. 80, wherever we happen
to stop" lie replied. Goodness. You're
not going to eat as often as that, are
you, dear?"-Yonlers Statesman.
Mr.. City Boarder was being enter
tanned by his rural sweetheart. DO
you play and sing when the Cows Are
in the Corn Miss Milyweigh?' Lord
bless you, no." she calculated. 81 get
the dogs and chase 'em out -IIarper's
Weekly.
Balty Moore-The meanest man has
been again discovered. Calvert, Jr.-
Where this time? Balty Moore-In
Ohio, as usual. This chap is making
money by selling the weather predic-
tons furnished by his fathers rheuma-
tlsm.-Baltlmore American.
"A pHy SlCiuu SliTtcu luOueI IIlSuHc
asylum with special ward for crazy
chauffeurs and motorists. But don't
see any patients" said visitor to
whom the automobile ward was shown.
"Oh," the physician replied, they're
all under the cots fixing the slats."--
Clipping.
"I'll take that" said the man, indI-
eating silver-mounted handglass, land
l want you to engrAve on it. From J.
J. b. to Phyllis" Every WE'LL" replied
the salesman, well put is on the back
here" "Oh. no; put it around the
edge on the front. want her to see
it."-Phladelphia Ledger.
Mamma" asked the little girl, has
Mr. Brown got heart disease" II
don't know, my child. Why do you
ask?" "Well, it says in my new book
that faint heart never won fair lady,
and when l saw Mrs. Brown | made up
my mind that something must be wrong
with his. Toledo Blade.
Il understand" began Mrs Galley,
sternly, that you have been seen at
the theater with my husband--'
well" interrupted the pretty govern
ess, defiantly, what of that" 'Well,
Miss Reeder, If you wish to remain in
my employ you'll have to keep better
company '-Philadelpha Press.