davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1906-10-21
WOULD ACCOMMODATE HER.

LADIES' Home journal.
Attorney General Moody was once
riding on the Platform of a Boston
street car. standing pe2t 10 the gate
that protected passengers from cars
coming on the other track. A Bos-
ton lady came TO the door OF the car,
and, as it stopped, started toward the
gate, which was hidden from her by
the men standing before it,
"other side, please, LADY, said the
conductor.
He was ignored as only born.and-
bred Bostonisn can ignore q man. This
lady took another step toward the
gate.
'HYou must get of on this side, -
said the conductor.
II wish TO get off on this side, -
came the answer IN tones that con-
gealed that ofici-l into momentary
silence. Before he could explain or
expostulate, Mr. Moody came to bis
assistance
'Stand TO one side. gentlemen. - he
remarked The lady wishes to climb
over the gate" f"
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1906-10-21
CLASSIC LIMERICK.

4 has been said by ignorant and
undlscernlng would.be critics that tha
Limerick IS not among the classic and
best forms OF poetry. and. indeed.
some have gone so far as TO saw that
1t IS not poetry at all.
\ brief consideration OF its claims
to pre-eminence among recognized
foEms OF verse wall soon convince anv
intelligent. reader of its superlstive
worth and beauty
As proof of this. let us consider
the following Limerick, which in the
oplnlon OF conpoisseurs, is the best
one ever written:
there was young ledy of Niger
!" no smiled as she rode on tiger.
Lhey came back from the ride
With the lady inside,
And 'he smile on the f,ce of the tiger
II Austin Dobson had chosen "a
throw off the thing IN triolet form:
she went for q ride.
That Young lady OF Niger;
be- sal!e was quite wide
As she went Tor ride
But she came back inside
VITA the smile on the tiger!
she went for . ride.
That young lady Of Niger
Rossetti, with his inability "a rs.
train from refrains, might have turned
ont something like this:
IN Niger dwelt a lady lair
v Bacon and eggs and bat o sospD
who smned meath tsagles OF her hair.
As hcr 5teed began his steady lone
'4ou Ike this style. bepe0
On and OF they sped and on.
'D9S'n and ,eggs ard bar o. soapD
CG ana on and on and on
'fou see I've not much scope)
en- ere Jhey loped the second n,ilo
tne '!ger gan hIs mouth 70 ope;
5Go2 be halted for while;
-Heg vent on with a pleasant smile
-N'To!yA Wells, IN Harper's MagaIise.
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1906-10-21
BULLS OF STATESMEN.
Westminster Gazette.

NeEtElllSleT CdLGllt.
In his speech at Hawick the other
day, Lord Rosebery made this remark:
"As vel! known statesman said on a
famous occasion, L hear a smile. -
According to the Edinburgh Dispatch,
the form was somewhat different from
that which Lord Rosebery gave 70 IT.,
Mr.. Gladstons was addressing the
House, probably on the Irish question,
away back in the eighties An obser-
walton Of the night honorable gentle
man tickled the FANCY OF MI Labou-
chere. The honorable member
smiles. +" said the G. o. NJ mo, A"
him do it, " said Mr.. Gladstone prompt
y, and then the whole house was heard
TO smile It was IN the same debate
that an impassioned Irish member de-
clared: "The Government IS taking
a leap in the dark compared with
which all previous leaps are a mere
Aeabite.' and when the uproar had
subsided, Mr.. Labouchere lnterposed TO
say that he had no doubt that what the
honorable member meant to say was
mere flea leap.
Lord Rossbery himself, according to
our contemporary, is not above an oc-
casional lapse into q bull. They tell
of a recent occasion when he declared
that spadework was necessary lest the
wave be lost in space, but doubtless
Lord Rosebery would have put it more
neatly than that. Mr.. Gladstone once
declared that we must not toke our
stand on the shifting sands OF schemes
that are Matched from day 10 day" A
well-known member Of the upper house,
who not long since PLAYED a note
worthy part IN ecclesiastical contro-
versies, ended an impressive perora-
tion as follows: "All classes, all
creeds, all ranks-from the queen sit
ting on her throne to the laborer sit
ting on his COTTAGE etc.
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1906-10-21

ten thousand dollars in poker game
with two other total strangers and
bogus police officer. These canny
Scotchmen were founts OF wisdom, So.
gacity, prudence, selfreliapce, capa-
bility or taking care OF themselves and
Others, compared with these other and
greater "innocents who are running
for Office in Idaho. who think that John
Henry Smith and Charles W. Penrose
have Just been visiting that State for
their health,
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1906-10-21
GIBSON DEFINITION OF
'IADY.D
Philadelphia Bulletin.

Philadelphia Bulletin.
81 dined with Charles Dana Gibson
ct Princess s restaurant IN London dur.
ing the season. said Chicagoan.
i" The lofty, spacious dining room was
filled with women in pale gowns. their
healr uncovered and their arms and
necAs bare, and though these women
were fashionable. aristocratie, thev
smoked cigarettes with their coffee as
they watched the biscope pictures that
went on et one end OF the big room. and
as they listened TO the singing that went
on at the other.
g Amid all this feminine smoking we
Americans began TO discuss and "a
de6ne the word lady Was il iadv
like to smoke we asked. Would a la8v
ever smoke3 What was lady1
- think Mr. Gibson 5 definition Of
a lady was the best that was given.
g" A lady, he said, ignoring the
smoke, question altogether, is woman
who always remembers others and never
foVgets herself -
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1906-10-21
UNFORTUNATELY PUT.
Clereland Flain.penler.


II had the good luck to be invited
TO dine with the king at Marlborough
house when ! was IN London IN June,
said a Western millionaire.
LAS I didn Z know how TO dress the
part of royal guest I wrote to Lord
asked help.
Lord hnollys said in his reply:
As no ladies' are to be present,
trousers may be worn
when I first read that sentence
said TO myself:
What kind of Neronic revels go
OF at Marlborough house, anyway7'Ii +
Afterwards. though, / learned that
Lord knollys only means that at mixed
dinners knee breeehes were worn at
marlborough house, at stag ones the
ordinary evening suit saificine. -
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1906-10-21
TYPEwRITERs AS PIAN1sTs.

.NsW tpgh sun.
The time will soon arrive in which
expert typewrlters will be able 10 nIay
the piano almost as well as tb4y al
their machines. 4 musical genins in
New York has invented q new iev.
board for the piano which corresponds
to the keyboard OF a typewriter, and
It wall be as easy To make nnsic when
this, patented machine is put on the
market as il is 70 make corresponderce
at present. The usefulness Of such an
apparatus. suggested itself 10 the in.
vertor. who realized how. nanv Teadt..
made piano players there were now, y,
existence i only keyboard ygb,cL
would enable them 10 utilize their
dlgltai sklli were put on the morEs,
So he set 70 work 10 dope ont the he rey,, 90
invention. which has turned out ta he
an entire. success and will Increase the
aireaqy large army, of piano PLAYERS
who nave conquered the task witbont
the work of preparation that used r. he
thought necessary.
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1906-10-21
THE LAST ONE.

Esrpe- Weekly
The Bishop of Worcester was once
travelling through Banbury by rail, and
wishing TO try their celebrated cakes,
summoned a. boy and asked him to pro.
cure him one Learning that their
price was "threepence" the Bishop
gave the lad 'sixpence. = telling him,
And with the other threeperce buy a
cake for yourself. - The lad shortly
returned complacently nnunehinp his
cake, and handing threepence back to
the Bishop, exclaimed There was
only one left, Governor.
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1906-10-21
THE LANES.

Our neignbors in Idaho should care
fully consider whether it would be
quite safe 10 entrust any part of their
State authority at Washington to gen.
tlemen who are so easily victimized by
the Mormon church political bunko
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1906-10-21
CLERICAL JOKER.

-~V.NF-<
Rev. DR.. j. Addison Henry. for many
years the Princeton pastor, had keen
sense OF humor, and detested shams.
he was famous as a puuster, and his
play Of words on his name was often
quoted. When the degree of =. D. was
conferred upon him by Princeton be
Temarked; So ADD ,,is'ou Henry
With children be was irrestible. He
told them. one day in speaking OF pray
er. that his little daughter one Christ
mas eve made the following supplica-
ton: ''Oh, Lord, do please make the
night very short and tomorrow verv
long. The text for his address on
his fortieth anniversary was: And
forty years have I suffered these
people. -
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1906-10-21
PASSENGERS AND THEIR WAYS.
New York Evening Post.

Street car passengers are more pa
tient in blockade caused by fire
than in any other kind of a Jam, ac-
cording TO one conductor. IT have
seen whole carload get mad enough
TO bite because they were unable to
hurry on their way, he explained,
but the minute the word was passed
along the line that fire was holding
them back they frightened up wonder.
fully. Some folks, on the other hand,
like to be held up by a procession, but
they are generally the ones up near the
head of the line. Nobody seems 10 like
weddings. One dsy last week we ran
into swell affair of that kind.
There were so many carriages in front
Of the church, and it took so long TO
unload the guests, that we waited for
ten minutes while an officer cleared the
way. Most of my passengers were
women and had expected their tender
hearts TO thrill with sympathy; on the
contrary every last one Of them got
horning made because I didn t run
down the whole party"
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1906-10-21
GAVE HER AWAY.
veland Plain Dealer.

Cleveland Plain Dealer.
Mrs. Thomas Jefferson Smith was
nelng married for the fourth time in
tae sa1 httIe country church in which she
hau peep Faised The ceremony was
=. oeee;ung with all solemnity until
the minister reached the point;
Who gives this woman 10 this man
70 be his wife3i' 'A'' 'n'
Aud voice away back in the con-
gregatlon replied, ~ generally do.
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1906-10-21

You cannot make Secretary Souires
believe that there are no easier posi-,
tions than his present one. as ne knows
good deal about public Offices.
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1906-10-21

Cache county politicians are becon
ing so bitter over their legislative fight,
that they cannot spate any OF their
worst words now for friends of the
State University.
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1906-10-21

Until after election, anyway, Mr
Borsh will find it impossible to believe
that there s-e any new polygamists
in Idaho.
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1906-10-21

Some Of the serious statements made
by the Democratic orators tended TO
make their speeches appropriate in the
amusement halls in which they were
made
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1906-10-21

No other Democratic caudidate, an.
perently, cares to establish re~utat ton
for discretion by withdrawing from
the ticket.
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1906-10-21

Governor Cutler vas pleased to meet
some men Of excellent views at the
Mining Congress, who, by the way,
praised his speech.
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1906-10-21

Prot, Hyatt should keep his snow in
reserve until election day, and then
put IL all over the opponents OF the
American ticket.
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1906-10-21

Crowds may not turn out to hear
Brother Howell, but following him
will be some quiet speakers who will
re heard by many OF the brethren.
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1906-10-21

No matter how much instruction
some voters may get as 70 the right
way of operating the voting machine,
few wil make the mistake OF voting
some other ticket than the American.
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1906-10-21

Ute Indians have been committing
such depredations, in Wyoming that
soldiers have been ordered to take them
good or alive
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1906-10-21

But the wintry weather yesterday
cealA not appreciably lessen the
warmth OF the greetings Of voters By
the candidates for office.
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1906-10-21

Apostle Smoot may himself swear.
but he cannot approve improper swear
ing such as that OF Judge King at
Smootisr
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1906-10-21

Chairman Salisbury had no ides that
the Federal officials were so willing
10 work as they hsve shown themselves
10 be IN the campaign
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1906-10-21

Perhaps Senator Sutherland will not
bs able to take the stump until it is
TOO late TO say much IN praise Of the
administration
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1906-10-21

If Judge Frick is real poet, 1t NAV
be expected that on the bench he will
have q preference for poetic Justice.
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1906-10-21
Sunday. October y, 1906.

When the Snootite orators become
hoaTse from loud. talking they can be
transferred to the whispering class.
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1906-10-21

Anyway, the church authorities have
not gone 10 the extreme Of compelling
church DemocTats to listen to the
speeches of the Smoot:tes.
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1906-10-21

Mr. Howell has experienced a cold
time IN SsHpete county, but Mr. Liv.
ingston would ike to know what else
be had reason 10 expect
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1906-10-21

Perhaps even case OF unchristian.
like conduct could be made out against
Judge King, as his swearing was aimed
q, Brother Smoot.
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1906-10-21

that Utah postmasters are fine lot of
men who know how to appreciate
merit
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1906-10-21

After travelling through number Of
communities, Mr, Howell feels TO say
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1906-10-21

No communication IN relation TO publica-
t'on is or business for The Tribune should be
addressed to any individual or officer OF this
corporation. Matters rela:iig 70 publicauon
should be addressed 10 the Editor OF The
Tribune. and communjcatiops relative 20 sub
seTiptions and advertising or other business
should be addressed 20 Salt Lake Tribune
Publishing Company.
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1906-10-21

The Tribune Is on sale at nil the principal
news stands in the United States
Where The Tribune Is on Sale.
Murray Utah-Excels,or Stationery Co. Ind.
Provo. Utah-,A v Robinson p East Cen.
ter street
New YoFk-Artsur -Hotsling, Broadway and
Thirty.eieh ehth street: Waldo-f-Astorls; /;
Imperial Hotel
Chicago-Pslmer House; auditorium.
Washington-New Willard; Raleigh.
Onaha--Union Station News StG-l.
PoEtiand-oregon News Agency.
Los Angeles-Anos' News Stand
San Fr1ncisco---Arding's News Ageoc-; y.
Wheatley; Foster & Orcar.
sesttle-W. Ellis, ]. r Justice; Wilson Nc
Dsnvsr--,fuus Block; Brown Hotel; Ken.
6reck Book and Stationery Co.
Eoise-Idanhe Hotel; Boise Book and Music
Store; Arch. Cunningham & Co.; Joseph
Collins
PocateIo--Chaeee q Co
Tonopah--O' NeiIl s CO. A. n. Rornswell.
Goldfeld-Hunter Adv. & Pub. Co.
5utte--Keeie Bros; ]. G. Evans.
catered at tho PoS,ofFce a. Salt Lake City
as second-clnss motter.
Tribune Telephones.
Ask for either SEQ or 3ss, Bell or Inde,
pen1eat. for, all departments Of tho paper,
ccZl5ssIs,ss>
s7a45lz n 1og.5Is
= 6,ge GIlS->
Sunday, October p, 1906.
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1906-11-07

Walter Savage Lander was an in
temperate person in words and hated
Wordsworth. Were there ever more
contemptuous words than these of Lam
dor In reference to Wordsworth? "Pas-
tiness and fairness are the qualities Of
q pancake and thus far he attained his
end. Let him place the accessories OH
the table lest what Is insipid and clam
my grow into duller accretion and
m0ister viscidity the more l masticate
It," In LandOr's letter to Ralph Waldo
Emerson he writes: I'VE must now
descend to Wordsworth. He often gave
an opinion on authors which he never
had read, Plato for instance. He
speaks contemptuously Of the Scotch.
I praised n line Of SCOTS OF the dog of
a traveller lost IN the snow III l remem-
ber) on Skildaw. He said It was the
only good one in the poem and began
instantly to recitc n whole poem of his
own on the same subject"
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1906-11-07
The inference.
Business on Hand.

0AAVO ~ AOAAOs
Many people are going about with
q cheerful smile and n light head as
though wholly unaware Of the fact that
the serious business Of electing a FOL
gresham is before them this fall.
They 60 to watering places, also to
buttermilking places and several other
places that might be mentioned, CIV
ing no thought to the serious business
Of self government to which they must
500 attend.
Apparently, as far as they are o n
cerned, any old dub will do for a con
gresham. but the roa they put up
when congress meets and does not pass
a bill to pension their mothers-in-law is
calculated to make people a block
away think that some n Is trying
the horn Of his new auto on the
natives. Eternal vigilance may be the
price of liberty, but a careful search
Of their clothes would not disclose the
price.
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1906-11-07
Pessimisn..
[Rondeau redOuble.1

[Rondeau redouble.
IT'S pretty hard to get along today;
The world is getting rotten, don't
you think:
I've heard a lot of people lately say
That everything is going on the blink.
m so it's up to me to spill some ink
On pessimisn. That's the proper lay.
For themes are scarce. l say it with q
wink
It's pretty hard to get along today.
ut didn't always seem to be that way.
Life used to be a radiant, rosy pink,
INC now it looks to me like dappled gray.
The world is getting rotten, don't You
think?
"Dame Fortunes given me the rinky dink.
It's twenty-three for mine: me to the
hay.
Now, honest. wouldn't that drive you to
drink"
I've heard a lot of people lately say.
They've said it: yes. But is 1t true?
Nay, nay!
To Fortune! Come and let your glasses
clink!
Why, what a shine idea to convey
That everything is going on the blink!
This is the last time that I'll ever tink-
Err with a rhyme like this. Hooray!
Hooray!
It's ~done-except this last-this missing
link
Hast ever done a rondeau redouble?
It's pretty hard!
Franklin p. Adams in Judge.
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1906-11-07
AUDIBLE RAILWAY SIGNAL.
lew Electric System Promises Ia
Displace SemaphOres.


The Great Western railway, Eng
land, has successfully experimental
with and just installed on a branch
line a method of audible signaling as a
substitute for the familiar %semaphOre
system which, it is believed. will be
entirely displaced in course of time.
The new system is electrically work
ed and is declared to be simplicity it.
self. The engine as it travels along the
line Ome into contact with an appa-
ratus, fixed to the track, which IS work
ed from the signal box and sets in mo-
ton Il form Of mechanism on the en-
CINE. Instead of the engineer having
to look out for his signals, they declare
themselves to his ear Enthusiastically.
Line clear" is expressed by the blow
ing Of a whistle, which continues until
the engineer with his own hand turns
it off.
Both bell and whistle are fixed inside
the engine cab, close by the engineer
as he stands to his lever, and should
afford a more telling means of Motif
cation than n dial OH which signs ap-
pear. The substitution of audible for
Visible signals would relieve engineers
of the strain Of p%erpetually looking out
for any particular signal or lamp.
The apparatus is sc constructed that
II anything went wrong anywhere the
whistle signal would operate. The
chief value OF the audible signals would
be found in foggy weather, and the
new system is therefore of particular
Importance in a country 80 fog afflicted
as England Is.
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1906-11-07

Buttons are certainly as ancient as
the siege Of Troy. in the ninth century
before our era. for, both In that unfor-
tunate city and ut Mycenae. DR.. Schlie-
mann discovered objects OF gold. silver
and bronze which could have had no
other use than that of buttons. In
medieval times the clothing of the
common people was generally fastened
with wooden pegs Of the type and form
Of those resorted to In emergencies
by the country boy Of the present day.
Buttons covered with cloth We're pro-
hibited by George l. In 1920 to encOur-
age the manufacture of metal buttons.
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1906-11-07
TURNS The riAiR DARK.
Remarkable Effect Of \ Rays on
Collar of the Hair.

HemarkHble Erect ut y Rays On
Collar of tlse Hair.
Heightened augmentation of the hair
Is among the occasional effects of cx-
posture of the HOcntgen rays. At Il re-
cent meeting of the Paris Academy of
Sciences Or. \. Imbert and DR.. II.
Marques reported certain observations
bearing upon the matter. One of them
selves having made frequent applica-
tons of the rays for a period of ten
years noticed that the hair Of his head
and OF his beard, previously almost
completely white, had progressively
become so augmented that it was Of a
darker hue than it had been originally
and the change had been observed by
other persons.
In q subsequent instance these GEN
tlemen had een Il similar effect. 1t
was that of Il man fifty-ive years old
who was under treatment with the rays
for lupus of the cheek. At first lie
lost the hair "a the ear of the affect
ed side, but its place was taken by a
new growth Of hair, and near the ear
the new hairs were almost completely
black. This blackness gradually shaded
off as the distance from the ear i'll
creased, but the fermentation was dis
cernable even in parts far removed.
Finally the corresponding half of the
mans mlstacle became darker than
the other half and without any pre-
vious falling out of the hairs.
1mbert and Marques add that in other
cases they have observed a deepening
Of the color of light hair under the in
duence of the Roentgen rays. They do
not pretend to explain the mechanism
Of this action. 1t is to be presumed
that the effect is witnessed only in
hairy parts directly subjected to the
radiation. but no specific information is
given as to the circumstances of the APP
plicatiOn. New York Medical Journal.
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1906-11-07
LADDER USED AS FIRE ESCAPE.

Being light in weight. the ladder natu-
rally swings to and fro. especially If
the end is not secured to something.
Generally 1t Is no possible to do this.
\ ladder which theoretically seems
to be fur superior to a rope ladder has
recently been patented by a Brooklyn
mechsnic. The accompanying illustra-
tion clearly shows Its construction. 1t
Is a series Of alternate hand holds and
steps made out Of wire rods bent to
shape. An additional advantage lies
In the fact that this ladder Is made in
sections. At the top Of each section is
a threaded opening to receive Il CORE
spending threaded extension at the
end Of the section above. In this way
the ladder can be made any desired
length very quickly.