Iowa state bystander. [volume] (Des Moines, Iowa) 1894-1916, 1906-03-23
sToRIETTEs.

A story was told by Lord C1aud
Hamilton at dinner of the Fly
Fishers Club. An Irishman had
saught big pike Noting a lump In
Its stomach. he cut 1t open. "As I
cut 1t open there was mighty rush
and Tapping Of WINGS" said he.
and away few wild duck; and, be.
sorra. when looked inside, there was
; nest with four eggs, and she had
aeen afther sitting on that nest
Secretary Root was discussing his
proposed visit to Brazil to. attend the
Pan-American Conference. He was
undecided whether to so on q com.
mercial steamer or an American war.
ship. He was told that Secretary
Taft, who weighs nearly three hun.
dred pounds, made his last trip to
Panama on board the cruiser Column
bia, and that he complained Of the VI
bration of the vessel. II wonder
what the Columbia would have done
If Taft had not been aboard" said
Mr.. Root
This story was told in the Senate
cloak.rooms apropos OF the speech OF
Senator Patterson, supposed to be a
Democrat. in which he eulogized all
. Of President Roosevelt's policies: A
local census enumerator visited the
senator's home In Denver, and was
received by the negro butler. After
the usual questions, he asked:
what is the senator's politics?" "Fo'
de Lawd's sake, mister, dunno"
answered the darkey; "de senator
anthem home since breakfast time"
The Chinese minister at Washing
ton tells this dog story: There was
Chinese who had three dogs.
When he came home one evening he
found them asleep on his couch Of
teakwood and marble. He whipped
them and drove them forth. The
next night, when he came home. the
dogs were lying on the floor. But he
placed his hand on the couch and
found 1t warm from their bodies.
Therefore he gave them another whip
ping. The third night, returning
earlier than usual, he found the dogs
sitting before the couch. blowing. on
it to cool it.
Ex-senator Billy Mason, Of Chicago,
had instructions to be careful how he
spoke of Democracy In Missouri, but
he was allowed to give Grover Cleve-
land hail Columbia So his speeches
at some stage included remarks about
like this: "Fellow-citizens, wouldn't
for the world say anything unkind
about Grover Cleyeland's personal
appearance. You know couldn't
we'll do that, for some people have
claimed to see strong resemblance
between his features and figure and
mine Whether that be true or not,
my fellow-citizehs, want to assure
you Of one thing; never had to
back up to door to knock
Kubelik, the noted violinist, was
once playing by request before the
inmates OF an insane asylum, the sup
erintendent Of which believed that
music was fine medicine for un-
balanced minds. He played brill
liant Slav composition, thinking that
was surely of the cheerful charac-
ter wanted. Az, he finished. a, very
pretty young woman arose and beck
oned to him. He thought, artist like.
that she wanted an encore, and SO
said to the doctor: ASK her what
She desires?" He rose to his feet
and was about to question her, when
she exclaimed: ITO think Of the likes
OF me being In here and he being at
large in the world"
The French Baron Rothschild once
had in his service valet named Al
phonse-frst class, but an 4 acknow-
lodged "red." This valet obtained
permission once a week to attend the
meetings OF his Socialist lodge. Sud
denly the baron noticed that Al
phonse no longer desired this of
night, and, inquiring into the cause,
was informed that the Wallets late
Socialist colleagues had worked out
a calculation that If all the wealth OF
France were divided equally per
capita each individual would be the
possessor Of two thousand francs.
Monsieur" said Alphonse, with dig
nifty, Il resigned. have five thous-
and francs!" n,
| A little lady Of Detroit, Mamie
Thompson, aged seven years, having
been helped twice to everything on
the table, slid from her chair to the