Daily press. [volume] (Newport News, Va.) 1896-current, 1906-04-15
THE PENSION OFFICE I:( +,
luMoR THAT SPICES THE ROUTINE
WORK OF THE OFFICIALS.

fnp,e of the Quaint and Original Ap-
piica tions For Payments Tint Hav~
Been Handed In to the Rcpre.enta.
ttves OF Uncle sam.
lf he dared 10 DO so the commissioner
" pensions at Washington could com.
ai;a delightful volume. putting there
VI The strange applications for pensions
thet come to his office. Some of these
,".tcrs belong 10 the too good to keep
'lass, and they ind their way nut into
The world. where they add n good deal
TO the hilnri,y of ns,ions. Some appli-
cnnts for pensions manifest the most
childlike ignorance regarding the meth
I'd OF procedure necessary when apply
Ing for n pension They seem to think
that all they have to do Is to send an
application to the pension office and
Uncle Sam will forward check by TO
turn mail
Soon after the close Of the civil war
there cnrDe TO the pension Office In
Washington the following unique and
political application for n pension that
years ago:
TO Commissioner Of Pensions Washington
these many years I've tried in vain
an honest pention to obtain
For wound received In Sixty ono
NJ f1rHt Battle Of Bull Run
Hne OF ohIoes sons so brave
Who went TO thu front the union to save
and whilst Engaged In above said fight
rebel Shell took half my sight
Est content by taking IN Eye
ahis treacherouS shell IN Passing by
took my Eye Brow Clear OF the bone
md Left mo as unconscious as stone
burning blister OF Crystal Clear
from the Jaw bone TO the Ear
hut thanks to god my life was spared
Cheek and Eye brow but Siitely Scared
and one Eye waa left to mo lbs.
for to wright and rend Poetre
I hope that with TINT Eye to see the day
when unkel Sam his Cripples will Pay.
Much more recent Is the letter sent
to the commissioner Of pensions by an
applicant who had contracted blood
poisoning in the following remarkable
manner:
I got blood poison by beinge hit with g
hons eg Wen cam back from the frpnt.
rho eg was not good wen YOU send my
pension I want the Deed made sos my
wife can't get none OF Il. She throde tho
es. She war rebbel.
Equally appealing and remarkable
was another letter sent to the pension
office In which the applicant set forth
his claims to pension In this wise:
The way got my War ingery was a
Setchin OF n hog. The Hog war wanted
by our captain for forege We was chasIn
the hog and she crawed threw n hole
an thot were about the size of the hog
and tried TO crawl threw. but stuck an
In tryin to wiggie out throde the rales
OF All one II hit me on my he'd and hooked
mo senseless. do not think the hog had
nothin to do with my line Of duty. for
did not ketch the hog. WITCH she never
was caut SO pieze send along my pension.
One aged pensioner had evidently
made serious bunder by tnklng
unto himself n wife In his old age, for
love OF galn seems to have been tbs
motive Of the woman who married him
IL the following letter stated the facts
In the case:
Dear Mister Government. Pieze to fix UP
my penshun papers my wife cant
draw my twelva dolers munt when
am ded. she say she marryed me for low
an TO no Il ole mans Darling hut now
no x was for To Bit my pensh,in on her
oelf by being my widowcr so pleze Lot
let on to her tina, YOU got this from mo
or would have a hot time OF II and times
Is hottertnow than can stand. So when
| send word that am NO moar then send
her this II you want to but not until the
penshun Is shut on which It is her just
desserts for marryin for money an In
Mer5hesnnry spirrut.
One day there came to the pension
Office n very old and subdued looking
,,,fxo ,,II
with tho help Of two canes. BY his side
was u very robust and perfectly self
reliant young woman OF perhaps thirty
years OF age. When some one went
forward to ask what was wanted the
young woman said:
We'll. I'll lust tell you. This Ia my
husband, and we amt getting enough
pension-that's what we aInt. We're
getting only $40 n month, and we know
man that wasn't in the war half as
long as my husband was and didn't got
a shot in him and he gifts his SIP .
month and we want our pension raised
10 that fgger or more"
One applicant was willing to give the
most palpabie proof Of the genulneness
or his injuries, for lie wrote as follows
II you don't think / was shott In the
war | am willing TO como on there and
you or any one else lay their finger
on the bullet imhedded In my back witch
panes me when ! stoop or lay on II and
which IL mas brought on pertinent dis
ability so can't work like used to
could CUES. II you would speak 10 Pres
tdent Maykln!ey and tell him about ths
bullet ne would say to send on the pen
ton and any medikel doctor would say
the same 4 doctor here Will go mis- az
fydavitt that he has iayed his fingers on
the bullet wloh am proud NJ a. scars Of
War where NJ and bled for INV country
Vicb IL Is America and Union forever.