davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Washington herald., 1906-11-21
The Divine sarah Eating Hash.

We shall have 70 help Sarah Bernhardt
out again. BY we is meant the opulent
American people. The distressing news
comes across the ocean that Sarah is in
the same boat with Boni Castellane. and
that horrid Partisan shopkeepers and
other coarse. importunate creditors are
dogging her footsteps But, horror OF
horrors. She has had to give up her
luxurious mansion in the Boulevard
Pereire and take refuge in a boarding
house. Sarah Bernhardt in a boarding
house. Thespis weeps and refuses 10 be
comforted. Art hangs It's head In shame
and screams its protest to all the gods at
once.
Less than year ago Sarah was ex-
changing her art for American gold. Our
shekels were rained upon her in torrential
streams. We pretended TO understand
her Partisan French. and we thrilled with
each prodigious outburst of her voice
Her gowns enthralled our women, and her
sinuous movements warmed the blood Of
the baldheads. And now all the gold We
showered upon her has been spent. and
Sarah is eating hash in a boarding house
1t makes no difference that her Iandlady
calls it ragout; it is Just plain hash.
Hash by any other name is still hash No
artifice Of nomenclature, no art Of French
cooking, can change or alter in the least
the essential character Of hash It's com
ponents are the same everywhere, even
though for centuries Of torture the
ingenuity Of the human race has been
desperately striving in vain to analyze
The Washington herald., 1906-11-21
OLD MAN GIDDLEs OBSERVES

The man who owns a new automobile Is
dissatisfied unless either you or he talks
Of It all the time.
A man never knows how it feels 70 be
under real suspicion until he is trying 10
realize on an accident policy.
Whenever YOU see a title reading The
Gospel OF Content" you may skip the arIi-
Gle. which viii argue that you ought to be
poor.
The only thing you need 10 do 10 get
reputation as a good conversationalist is
10 say, That's so" TO everything the
other man says.
Don't make a mistake and be optimistic
at the time when II would straiEhten
things out In half a minute IL you got up
on your hind legs and howled.
As II missing street cars were not
enough, the magazines evoke mems pro
family by printing articles on how love
can be made gushy all the time.
You could offer so reward for any one
that eats the mashed potatoes or cauli-
flower served in side dishes in the ordi-
nary restaurant and not lose a cent
An old man has one reason for self-con-
graduation: When he was a baby his
parents couldn't have so many photo
graphs taken OF him without any clothes
on.
When pianist is playing you often mis-
take for rapt admiration the silent won
der as 20 how she can make both hands
work in different directions at the same
time
When a mans wife goes away he is glad
that he doesn't have to be on time TO his
meals. and when q w0man's husband goes
away she is glad that she doesn't have 10
plan any meals.
WILBUR NESBIT.
Copyright 1906, by ". d. Nesbit)
The Washington herald., 1906-11-21
Had Bran Been a Preacher.

William J. Bryan, in the course Of a
recent address before the Presbyterian
Brotherhood at Indianapolis. gave express
sion 10 a splendid truth when he said:
1T is not humiliating TO admit that we believe
N God. No man in business IS hUmiliated when
he subscrbes to some wise saying of a great bust
ness man. why. then, should we be ashamed
70 admit reverence for God all wise. all power
fuI and loving? Belief in God is not a belittling
thing"
At the conclusion Of one OF NJ. Bryan's
impassioned talks at the late St Louis
convention. a Southern delegate remark
ed: What magnificent minister of the
gospel was lost when Bryan entered the
field of political endeavor. rather than
the service of the church"
What man has the world produced OF
late years who could more forcibly drive
the uplifting thoughts of true religion
into the hearts Of his fellow-men than
William Jennings Bryan. OF his sincerity
there is never a doubt. His wonderful
and compelling eloquence is not to be
questioned. His oratorical powers are dis
tinctly Of the appealing kind. He has
drawn a large part of his following to
him through sheer force of personal mag
netism
It is interesting to contemplate the
heights TO which this really wonderful
man might have risen in the fields Of
ministerial work. How much more would
the world have profted through Bryan,
the minister, than through Bryan, the
pOlitcian-Or even the statesman?
The Washington herald., 1906-11-21
COLONY OR WHAT?
A Samoan Publication That Raises
Question as 10 Islands Status.

From the New York Sun.
The Bureau of Insular Affairs in the
War Department possibly receives and
files. and perhaps, even peruses with
pleasurable interest, a little newspaper
printed in the Samoan language and pub
lished at Pagopago as the official organ
Of American government there.
Has the vigilant Bureau Of InsuIar Af-
fairs noted one curious thing about the
title OF this official or semi-official pub
lication? In Samoan It is le Fa'a tonu
le Kolone le Unaite Setete o TutuiIa
ma Manu'a. In English. the Rightsetter
or Rectifer OF the United States Colony
OF Tutuia and Mauu'a.
Thus the organ Of Governor Moore pro-
claims in every issue, that our Samoan
possessions constitute a United States
Colony" and consequently that our S2-
moan wards, taken over by US at the time
Of the partition Of the Samoan group, ere
United States colonists.
The reason for calling attention 70 this
circumstance Is that in the whole vast
and complex economy Of American ar
fairs, so far as we know, there is no
other official or semi-oficial or quasi
official recognition Of the existence any
where on earth OF such a thing as
colony Of the United States. For years
the controversy on expansion and impe-
rialism has ragged around this particular
word colony. From the days Of McKin-
ley the theory that our several insular
possessions were colonies. and thus devoid
OF constitutional warrant, has been as
serted as stoutly by the anti-impeTialists
as it has been denied and repudiated by
the philosophers Of expansion
Is the Rightsetter OF Tutuila right? Is
there. after all, colony" Of the United
States, with a colonial governor issuing
his DEGREES from a colonial palace?
The Washington herald., 1906-11-21
The American Policy.

Those were noble words spoken by Sec
retary Root at Kansas City in exposi-
ton OF our foreign policy-sentiments
worthy to be pondered well by every
good citizen and every lover OF his
country.
We who are proud Of this great ma
tion, have no better, no more rational
ground for pride than may be found in
our international relations, both past and
present Mr.. Root gave utterance to
no mere academic sentiment when he said
the American spirit makes for the rule
Of peace and justice throughout the
world That sentiment has been the
guide Of our foreign policy from the be-
ginning. Washington, in his memorable
Farewell Address. laid down the funda-
mental principles Of our foreign inter
course, which find a modern echo in Mr..
Roots fine application Of them 10 pres
ent-day conditions. Ever since Washing
toms day we have stood before the world
as d peace-lOving nation, we have la
bored with notable success Cor the de-
velopment Of international law along
just and humane lines, and We have set
q splendid example Of patiently sub
mitting controversies to peaceful arbit-
rament- Our contribution TO civiliza-
ton thus wrought out by American Sec
retaries OF State and American diplo-
mats, animated by the American spirit
Of peace and justice, can hardly be over
valued
With judicial mind, Mr. Root regards
the tendency Of nations, as Of individuals
70 assume the rightfulness Of their own
contentious as a fruitful cause Of war.
Commodore Decatur's sentiment, "Our
country. right or wrong" animates
much diplomatic controversy, but Il be
longs 10 more truculent era. The lust
way is TO hear both sides and TO reach a
common understanding. Thrice armed
Is he who hath his quarrel just" but
there is often more or less justice on
both sides Of the quarrel We see a
practical working out Of Mr.. Roots
idea. as well as an exempllhcation of
our peace-loving qualities. in our treat
ment OF the japanese protest against
the exclusion Of Nipponese children from
the California public schools. War. "
was the first thought of many people: but
our national commOn-sense quickly cried
cut against the thought Of war and the
state Department promptly avowed that
we were in the wrong. the wrong
should be righted. There is national
nobility in that act. and we may we'll
count 1t as honOring the doer.
Willingness TO be just" Mr.. Root
well says, is the true preventive Of war.
would that all nations were as willing
10 be Just as the United States Of Amer
lea!
The Washington herald., 1906-11-21

cessions, purposely raise the level of
tariff duties so that they may be reduced
by treaty without carrying the reduction
too far.
Reciprocity has been too long the hand
maiden Of protection" as protectionists
have been fond Of describing It. It ought
to be the handmaiden of tariff revision,
supplementing and completing the work of
tariff reform. When We reduce duties in
this country We should obtain correspond
ing reductions in foreign tariffs, and so
enlarge trade opportunities both ways.
From this standpoint reciprocity treaties
may be found useful in trade expansion.
But they are practically a dead issue
unless tariff revision becomes the policy
of the dominant party.
The Washington herald., 1906-11-21

and classify the constituent elements of
hash. The French, of course, put a little
more garlic in It than most other cooks
do, but this only makes 1t all the more
atrocious. We are mindful of the age
long contention that this noXious weed
contains the mystic properties Of arr.
but we deny that it does. and plant our
selves squarely on the ground that but
for garlic the worlds art would be higher
and nobler and more godlike,. Jupiter
shakes his ambrosial curls and makes
high Olympus tremble TO its center every
time the pearly teeth of Sarah Bernhardt
MUNICH her boarding house hash. with its
malodorous flavor Of garlic.
And so we bid the divine one TO take
the wings Of the morning and flutter back
to these shores. E'en though her neck is
thinner than It was generation ago, we
can still thrill over her brave heroics in
Cleopatra weep with the emotionalism
OF her Camille" and feel stirred to the
depths by the tragedy OF her ''Phedre" "
Anything to get Sarah away from board
ing-house hash.
The Washington herald., 1906-11-21
OBJECTION TO THE JAP.
Hearst's Newspaper Thinks Him an
Undesirable Immigrant.

Prom the New YORK American
The fundamental objection to the Jap
anese immigrant IS the same as that to
the Chinaman-he is q nonassimilable
element Of the population, and must al
ways remain so, unless those who wei
CONC him are ready to go the length OF
desiring white wives for Mongolian men
and MOngolian wives for white men.
No race which cannot inteTmarry with
the people of America can be other than
a detTiment and 4 danger.
Already We have one vast and battling
race problem to deal with, and that ought
10 be enough.
The people OF California and the entire
Western coast obey a profound and right
racial instinct in seeking TO protect them
selves against the influx Of japanese
They are fighting the white mans battle
for all the United States, precisely as
they did in opposing the incoming Of the
Chinese.
America for Americans Is as valid q
position as Japan for the japanese.
The Washington herald., 1906-11-21
Daft, bat Canny.
om the Philadelphia Bulletin

From the Philsdelphia Bulletin.
Frederick ITland. a stenOgTapher OF the
House Of Representatives, at the conven-
tion at Atlantic City of the National As
sociation OF Stenographers, said, apropos
Of a rash course:
7 can't approve Of this action. because
! am a foe 70 rashness. In handling the
affairs Of q great body Of men 1 believe in
prudence and Carefulness. I am almost as
prudent and careful as the weak-minded
Scot OF PEBBLES.
This Scot, a silly look on his face, was
skating near the famous iron bridge OF
PEBBLES on a winter day.
Some young ladies wished to skate IN
der the bridge but they did not know
whether the ice was safe or not. SO. ap-
preaching the Scot the youngest and pret-
test Of them said:
Sanders, would you mind just gliding
under the bridge and back, SO as TO test
the iceT'
The half-witted Sanders took of his
cap. and with bow and smile he re-
Piled
Ma, ma! If I am daft. ken manners.
Leddies FIRST
The Washington herald., 1906-11-21
One-Iegged Hen Makes Good,

From the New YORK World
A freak in the fowl line is owned by
Miss Linda Bryan, living at S21 Monroe
street. 1t IS pullet. almost grown, that
was hatched with but one leg. There is
no sign Of a second one.
To make up for the shortage the young
hen takes steps, or hops. and covers
twice the distance Of the other chickens.
This gives her comicai appearance in
moving, but she can outpace anything
in the yard. and has easy work in side
stepping mischievous dogs.
Where the one-legged chick shows her
headwoTk is in scratching For a long
time the one-legged hen stood BY and
let the rooster do the scratching. but sew
eral days ago she began 10 practice bal
ancing by stretching out wing and US
ing II as a crutch. Now she can stand
on the stiff outstretched feathers Of the
wing and dig with a single leg.
The Washington herald., 1906-11-21
Those Haunting Notes.

From Youths Companion.
There was a peculiar sound from the
direction of the woods as the member of
the Birdlovers' Society sat in the window
Of her friends country home one summer
afternoon.
She quietly took her small Bird Guide"
from Eer ever-pTesent bag, and rapidly
turned the leaves. At last she paused
with a smile of satisfaction and listened.
with her finger between two leaves Of The
little book, till the sound came again.
When Il was repeated an expression Of
doubt fitted across her features, but still
she was hopeful.
You probably know many of the bird
notes. living so near the woods, and in
such q quiet spot" she said 10 her friend
Can you tell me what bird that is?'
That" said her friend briefly, is our
goat. We shall have to move him farther
off.
The Washington herald., 1906-11-21
PEOPLE OF NOTE.
BIshon In stiIl There.


BY some strange means the report has
gained wide currency that because the
Senate, at it's last session, failed to con-
firm the nomination Of the Hon. Joseph
Bucklln Bishop as a member Of the 18th
mian Canal Commission, he is no longer
connected with that board. The fact is
that Mr.. Bishop Is secretary Of the COM
mission al salary Of $1,000 a year, and
is now discharging his duties as such in
Panama. Mr. Bishop nas had an ex-
uemely stormy official career. He IS an
Intimate friend Of President Roosevelt,
and was an editorial writer on a New
York paper, when about eighteen months
ago the President induced him 10 accept
The position OF press agent and historian
OF the isthmiau Canal Commission, at a
salary OF $1,000 Congress rayed nightly
when il was discovered that the commits
sion had press agent, and there were
threats galore OF Withholding apprOpria-
tions II the position was not forthwith
abolished The President yielded grace
fully, and had Mr.. Bishop made secretary
OF the commission. Then the cry was
raised that Mr.. Bishops predecessor, the
Hon. Dominick Murphy, who is now serv-
ing his country as 4 consul in France, re-
ceived only $500 for performing the same
services expected Of Mr. Bishop. About
that time a vacancy occurred among the
commissioners. and the President put Mr..
Bishop into that place. That IS, he sent
his nomination to the Senate. The salary
was fixed at $1,000. with the distinct un-
derstanding that Mr.. Bishop was TO be
secretary as well as a member of the
commission. Other members OF the com
mission received only 1880. and this
caused another rumpus 10 be kicked up
over Mr. Bishop, so that the Senate did
not confirm his nomination. II Is now
regarded as probable that the President
viii not renew his nomination when the
Senate meets next month, but will con-
tinue Mr.. Bishop in the Office Of secre-
;ary, whore he cannot be disturbed by
the Senate
The Washington herald., 1906-11-21
Earns HIS Degree.

From Tit-Bits
Ian MacLaren tells an amusing story
with regard to bogus degrees. A sweep
prosecuted a resident in the suburbs of
Edinburgh for debt. The presiding Judge
called the sweep to give evidence, and
the first question he asked him was:
What is your name?'
Jamie Gregory, Ii. D., sir"
What, Doctor Of laws? And where
on earth did you get that distinction?'
Twas a fellow fra an American uni
versity. an I sweep his chimney three
times. Gamma pay ye cash. jamie Greg
Dry. he says. but I'll make We an Ii. d.
an wen ca il quits And he did,
The Washington herald., 1906-11-21
Medicine for Plants.

From the Chicago Examing.
A very large and sturdy orange tree
was growing in a small pot.
If that tree, said the florist, didn't
take pills it would require a pot as big
as a bathtub TO grow in. But Il takes
pills Ike a hypochondriac.
Chemists. agricultural experts. make
now plant pills-pills no larger than
chestnuts, that contain sustenance for six
months. a kind OF tabloid food. These
chemists analyze a plants ash and make
pills OF the constituent salts.
The pills inclosed in a metal cover.
are buried in the earth at the plant s
roots. and the salts gradually dissolve
and diffuse through the metal, giving the
plants day by day the sustenance shat
they require.
pills are also applied 10 weak. sickly
plants, which they help wonderfully"
The Washington herald., 1906-11-21

Col II. J. Lawrence, Of Cleveland. editor
OF the Ohio Farmer, is at the ShOreham,
accompanied by his wife. Col. Lawrence
has for years published the most success
ful agricultural weekly newspaper in the
United States, and has become a wealthy
man by reason of the success OF his pa
per. He is a globe tTotteT. now. that he
has given over the active management Of
his publication TO his three competent
sons.
Col. Lawrence and wife are about 10
start on a tour Of the world, with espe-
cial reference 10 a sOjourn in India, which
is the only part Of the habitable globe
that he has not visited They will 50 by
way Of the Suez Canal, and will not re-
turn TO the United States before next
June.
The Washington herald., 1906-11-21
Heath Continues TO Prosper.

After touring the world a year or two
with his wife. the Hon. Perry S. Heath,
for twenty years "a familiar figure in
Washington. has gone back 10 his first
love, Indiana. where he is now engaged in
manufacturing and banking enterprises
Mr. Heaths career has been varied and
spectacular. His native town is Muncie
Heath came here first as the representa-
tive Of a string OF small Western papers,
and he prOspered financially from the
start, as apparently all MunCieites have a
way of doing everywhere. From Wash
ington he went To South Dakota. where
for year or two he was a country editor
Then he came back here as the private
secretary Of the fluent Senator PettigTew
When Mark Hanna shot athwart the po-
litiCal armament as the most brilliant me-
teoT Of his time Heath was editing the old
Cincinnati COmmercal-Gazette and again
turned up In Washington. this time as one
of Hanna's right-hand men. Mckinley
made him First Assistant Postmaster Cen
eral as a reward for the work he had done
as secretary Of the Republican National
Committee He quit this office TO take the
editorship Of the Salt Lake Tribune. after
the afiuent Senator Kearns had bought
that newspaper.
The Washington herald., 1906-11-21
A LITTLE NONSENSE.
ne ANNUAL PROBLEM.

Beside the aching void I stand
And with a chill.
admit I have no scheme at hand
The gap TO fill.
This is. alas. a time OF rue,
A time Of woe.
What's to be done? I ask Of you.
l do not know.
How shall l hII that awful space?
Again I ask
Much woe is me that 1 must face
The fearful task.
An. bitter Is my earthly cup;
/ have no tin.
How can I hope 10 e'er ill up
That empty bin?
The Washington herald., 1906-11-21
why Gillette Resigned.

II has been more than a year since
Mai Cassius z. Gillette resigned from
the Engineer Corps Of the army 20 take
charge OF the filtration bureau in Phila-
delrhia. which for years had reeked with
graft and scandal. Mai. Gillette's stand
ing was 50 high In the army, and he had
made such an excellent record by his ex.
posure Of the thieving operations Of Capt.
Oberln NJ. Carter. in connection with the
contractors on harbOr Improvement work
at Savannah. Ga, that his friends fore
saw for him q career Of great usefulness
IN the army. ii turns out. however. that
the inducement which caused him To
leave the army was a guaranteed annual
salary Of Sl5.000 for five years. 10 accept
the responsible position he now holds in
Philadelphia curious feature OF the
transaction Is that the guarantee. in the
form Of a personal bond. was made by
Mayor John Weaver, Thomas p Wana-
maker, owner Of the Philadelphia North
American, and his personal counsel. Judge
James Gay Gordon. The two last named
have been the leading spirits in the po-
litIcal regeneration Of Philadelphia. al
though they hold no official positions in
the city. Now that Mayor Weaver has
broken with them. and gone back TO his
OLD political affiliations there Is some
question as to whether or not Mat. Gillette
will be retained in Office though the
bond, Of course. secures the money prom
ised him.
The Washington herald., 1906-11-21
UnderdOne.

From the Cleveland Leader.
Bobby gazed critically at his new
baby brother.
Don't you like him, dear?'' asked the
nurse.
Yes" he admitted. But don't you
think you ought to send him back for
a few minutes? He's too rare.'
The Washington herald., 1906-11-21
Too Good to Live Long.

From Life
MY poor child" mourned New Eng
land mother. "She was too good to live
long. I always felt I'd never be able to
raise her"
How old was your daughter when she
died?" inquired a sympathizing village
visitor
Barely forty"
The Washington herald., 1906-11-21

Having shoveled coal waded around in
the slush, and got covered all over with
mud. operated ten-ton scoop a few
rounds, and made three speeches-and
that all in three days-the President not
only had a jolly good time. but is now
prepared 70 write a few verses calculated
TO hold Mr.. Poultney Bigelow for quite a
while
The Washington herald., 1906-11-21
Fingy Has an Eye for Cash.

Prom the New York World.
Mr.. Hearst will have a chill when he
hears of the Fingy Corners determination
TO make him a candidate for President
If it cost Mr.. Hearst S256.0O0 to be defeated
for governor of New York, how much
would it cost to be defeated for President
OF the United States2
The Washington herald., 1906-11-21
OUR TEDDY.

wouldn't change our Teddy
Fer any Ct your best.
When he's fghtin' mountain lions
In the canyons Of the West,
Or teachin' Of the mothers
How 70 raise their hloomin' kids,
OR shown politicians
How 20 set upon the lids.
Or haBlin' of the japanese
From Doundin' Of the Gar,
OR eallin for the picks anc spades
To dig in Panama,
or maxim spellin easy
When be takes spell of rest
wouldn't change our Teddy
For any of your best
CAPITOL HILL.
The Washington herald., 1906-11-21
A New star in Kentucky.

KentucHaBs in Washington say that
the Republicans in their State have now a
new leader who gives promise Of leading
his party TO victory in the gubernatorial
campaign next year. lie is the Hon. Z.
T. Franks, who for the third term Is
holding the Office OF collector Of internal
revenue for the Second district, with
headquarters at Owensbor0. Mr.. Frank s
career is somewhat unique. He first at
tracted attention by the melody and
reach Of his voice. He WAS then living
In his original mountain home, and the
Republican managers realized that In his
voice their party had an asset OF peculiar
value in the Blue Grass State. So ne was
starred all over the State as one Of their
principal speakers. He had studied law
and been admitted 20 the bar. After his
first campaign work he applied % the
Mckinley administration for a position
in the internal revenue Office az Owens
boro. lie stood the civil service exam
inetion and failed. But this did not de-
bar him from serving his country. for d
little time after his failure 10 answer the
questions Of the Civil Service Commis-
sion he was appointed collector OF the
district and was thus IN a position 10
defy the oedants Of the commission. He
has held the office ever since.