davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Brookings register. [volume] (Brookings, Brookings County, S.D.) 1903-1971, 1906-02-15

It is a mistake to give your wife a
million dollars to be good to you.
When she has got the million she
doesn't have to be good to you.
The Brookings register. [volume] (Brookings, Brookings County, S.D.) 1903-1971, 1906-02-15

1t is unnecessary to add hat the
Chicago attorney who wants to regu-
late marriage has no intention of get
ting married himself.
The Brookings register. [volume] (Brookings, Brookings County, S.D.) 1903-1971, 1906-02-15

Somebody has asked for a receiver
for the Interstate Telephone company
of New Jersey. Sometimes it must
be a good deal of fun to be a telephone
receiver.
The Brookings register. [volume] (Brookings, Brookings County, S.D.) 1903-1971, 1906-02-15

If the czar succeeds in raising thai
$500. 600 ,000 his next great problem viii
be to hide it where the grand dukes
cannot get at it.
The Brookings register. [volume] (Brookings, Brookings County, S.D.) 1903-1971, 1906-02-15

In France the assembly elects the
president. This saves the necessity
of candidates buying cigars for the
common, everyday voters.
The Brookings register. [volume] (Brookings, Brookings County, S.D.) 1903-1971, 1906-02-15

Secretary Taft has succeeded in re-
ducing his weight Twenty-Five pounds
by vigorous horseback riding. The
condition of the horse is not reported.
The Brookings register. [volume] (Brookings, Brookings County, S.D.) 1903-1971, 1906-02-15

Gen. Ramon Caceres will now pro
vide for Santo Domingo a permanent
and stable government, lasting for at
least several weeks.
The Brookings register. [volume] (Brookings, Brookings County, S.D.) 1903-1971, 1906-02-15

No sooner is one report denied that
King Leopold is losing his mind than
it is announced that he has got mar
ried.
The Brookings register. [volume] (Brookings, Brookings County, S.D.) 1903-1971, 1906-02-15

Whenever we see a roan who says
he is %henpecked, we rather suspect
that it's coming to him.
The Brookings register. [volume] (Brookings, Brookings County, S.D.) 1903-1971, 1906-02-15

It is only eft.r a millionaire dies
that one learns how many and what
relations he had.
The Brookings register. [volume] (Brookings, Brookings County, S.D.) 1903-1971, 1906-02-15

A California woman has adopted a
district messenger boy, who will, no
doubt. remind her Of time-he's 50
different.
The Brookings register. [volume] (Brookings, Brookings County, S.D.) 1903-1971, 1906-02-15

The name of the new chief of the
Osages is Skink-kah-ha-he-he. And
you can hardly say it for laughing.
The Brookings register. [volume] (Brookings, Brookings County, S.D.) 1903-1971, 1906-02-15

There are People in Russia whose
sole object In life is to think UP new
kinds of trouble for the car.
The Brookings register. [volume] (Brookings, Brookings County, S.D.) 1903-1971, 1906-02-15

a sign a thin woman is popular:
II her friends call her fragile" in
stead Of Skinny"
The Brookings register. [volume] (Brookings, Brookings County, S.D.) 1903-1971, 1906-02-15

When two young people embark on
the sea of matrimony n of them is
pretty sure to rock the boat.
The Brookings register. [volume] (Brookings, Brookings County, S.D.) 1903-1971, 1906-02-15
DEAD.
Mr.. Robey of Pipestone Dies In Sioux
Falls Hospital.

~Pipestone, Mimi, Feb. IS. Post.
master Robey of Pipestone died in a
Sioux Falls hospital yesterday. aged
forty-eight. An operation for append,
citis failed to save his life. He had
been postmaster here nearly eight
years. He leaves a widow and a
daughter.
The Brookings register. [volume] (Brookings, Brookings County, S.D.) 1903-1971, 1906-02-15
BODY IS FROZEN SOLID.
Post.M ortem Is Postponed Until the
Corpse Thaws Out.

SoTPSC sUd"S Soe'
Duluth, Feb. IL. - Frozen SO hard
that sharp knives could make nc i'm
preston on It, the body of Martin
Brecken lies in an un%dertaker's shop
In this city. Brecken was found in a
snow drift just outside the city, frozen
as solid as ice. AS soon as the body
thaws sufficiently a post-mortem ex.
animation will be held. A certificate
Of deposit for 500 and $6S in cash
were found In his pockets.
The Brookings register. [volume] (Brookings, Brookings County, S.D.) 1903-1971, 1906-02-15

7 They're talking now Of making
Maine a winter resort. For EsQuf
maux?
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1906-01-16

but very recently been made between
England and Spain, which granted
the Bahamas to England; but the
Spaniards at st. Augustine cared very
little for treaties as many Of their
subsequent acts plainly show. The
exact number of the colony we do
not know, but many things lead us
to conclude that it was comparatively
small The Spanish had been settled
at st. Augustine for a long time,
and had grown comparatively strong.
The colony under Sayle was by no
means prepared to engage in a war
with the Spanairds, and hence 1t was
no doubt resolved to select another
location less exposed to their hostile
neighbors. The proprietors ordered
Captain Halstead to leave with the
colony at Ashley river, eight small
guns and their carriages. The mill
tary stores were under the control
of John Rivers, subject, however, to
the governor. Previous to the arrival
of Halstead in August, 1871, 1t is
probable that the colonist were In
possession of no cannon. This, also
is another reason why Governor
Sayle was unwilling to risk settling
at Port Royal.
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1906-01-16
PREMIUMS FOR CLUBS.
FOR THE LARGEST CLUBS.

offers Is RIGHT NOW. Let all
names, whether old or new, be re-
turned as rapidly as secured, SO they
may be properly entered upon our
books.
TERMS AND CONDITIONS.
Two Six Months Subscribers at 81
each will be considered the equiya-
lent of one yearly subscriber at $1.75,
and so counted. A subscription paid
for two or more years in advance at
$1.75, will be counted as one name
for each year so paid.
Clubmakers will be held personally
responsible for the payment Of all
names returned by them. After
clubmaker has returned and paid for
any name, he can, at any time there
after, discontinue the sending Of the
paper to the person for whom he
has paid and transfer the unexpired
term to any other person, provided
the person to whom the transfer Is
desired was not subscriber at the
time the original name was entered
on our books.
No name will be counted In compe-
tition for a premium until the SUBJ
scription price has been paid; nor
will any premium be delivered until
a satisfactory settlement has been
made for all names returned by the
clubmaker.
Persons who commence making
clubs will not be permitted to trans
fer their club to another clubmaker's
list after the names have been en-
tered on our books.
It is not necessary that the names
on q club should all be at the same
postoffice. Names may be taken at
any number of places.
All subscriptions must be forward
ed to us at the expense Of those send
ing them.
We will be responsible for the safe
transmission Of money only when
sent by draft, registered letter or
money order drawn on the Yorkville
postoff1ce.
In sending names write plainly, and
give postoffice, county and state.
All subscriptions will be discon-
tinued at the expiration Of the time
paid for.
A separate list will be kept for
each clubmaker, who will be credited
with each name sent, so that the
number sent by any clubmaker may
be ascertained at moments notice.
In case of tie for either premium,
two weeks will be allowed in which
to work off the tie.
The time in which names may be
returned, under our propositions Will
commence NOW, and expire at
Ssnsah March, isos. e. % 'A ''' -''n A'
After the closing Of this contest
on March Is, 1905 no single yearly
subscription will be received for less
than the yearly subscription price,
50 90, except new clubs are formed.
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1906-01-16

WHY THE STOVE WAS ELEVATED
During the college days Of ex-Mayor
Bessom Of Lynn, he had two Of the
professors Of the college as guests at
a hunting camp in the Maine woods.
When they entered the camp their at
tention was attracted to the unusual
position Of the stove which was set on
posts about four feet high.
One of the professors began to COM
ment upon the knowledge woodsmen
gain by observation. Now" said he,
this man has discovered that the heat
radiating from the stove strikes the
roof and the circulation is so quicken
ed that the camp is warmed in much
less time than would be required If the
stove was in it's regular place on the
floor"
The other professor was of the opin-
ion that the stove was elevated to be
above the window, in order that cool
and pure air could be had at night.
Mr.. Bessom, being more practical,
contended that the stove was elevated
in order that good supply Of green
wood cCuld be placed beneath 1t TO
dry.
After considerable argument each
man placed a dollar bill upon the ta-
BILE, and 1t was agreed that the one
whose opinion was nearest the guides
reason for eleyating the stove should
take the pool. The guide was called
in such an unusual position.
WELL" said he, when brought the
stove up the river I lost most of the
stovepipe overheard, and had to get
the stove up there so as to have the
pipe reach through the roof"
He got the money.-Boston Herald.
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1906-01-16
TO BE CONTINUED.
CAPTAIN MADE A DISCOVERY.
How a Fanshed Crew Found Drinking
Water.

Water.
"It pays to know things" said the
old sea captain as he sat on New
Bedford wharf. II remember time
when ignorance nearly held me down
and drowned me-or, 1 should say,
nearly killed me for the want Of a
swallow of fresh water.
"Pd shipped in brig from New
York going down to Brazil and south
ard, carrying a cargo Of air and linen
collars and such stuff and hoping to
come back loaded with coffee. There
weren't anybody on board had been
in those waters afore except the cap
tain, and he'd forgotten most Of what
he learned there. Everything went
all right till we started to work north
to a point just a couple Of inches on
the chart beyond the mouth Of the
Amazon river.
I'VE hadn't slowed any water for a.
week or two, but the winds were fair
enough to suit, and there didn't seem
to be any reason to get suspicious.
But one morning the captain, who'd
been studying the chart, says to me,
pointing to a shadow Of land, There's
the mouth of the Amazon He'd
hardly got the words out Of his mouth
when the canvas tapped with quick
change Of wind, and all the afternoon
it got weaker and weaker as we ap-
preached shore. By the time night
came you could drop a cannon ball
overheard and drop a feather after
it, and they'd both hit the water In
the same place The next day the
weather was thick, and you couldn't
begin to see land. About eight bells
the captain called me and says: Have
you noticed the tide? Something's
carrying us out to sea and it's dead
calm!'
What of it?' says I, careless.
Haven't we got time enough to wait
for a wind?'
"Time enough, all right he says,
but not wind enough. What's left
is in quarts, and not gallons, he says.
II won't have to tell you how we
tried to make the water last, or how
tantalizing the ocean looked to us, or
how our tongues swelled up after four
days and got rough like leather, and
how the weather kept thick and hazy,
and we never sighted sail or steam
vessel We all could see Death
perched on the bowsprit. And the
sun dried out our skins as it dries
starched clothes on Monday morning.
FINALLY, one afternoon, the captain
crawled up on deck and began to
rave. He was crazy. After awhile he
grinned at me, and said, II won't
stand it any longer. If 1 don't get
some moisture on me I'll crack open,
and although he couldn't swim
stroke, over the rail he went like a
thing with wings. We all went to
look over the side.
HE came up after his bubbles.
My stars, you should have seen the
look on his face! I never saw such
a sheepish expression in all my life.
"'Scissors to grind!' he yells. This
ocean amt salt at all! The waters as
fresh as hot doughnuts,' and he gulps
down another quart Of 1t, smacking
his lips. Throw me a rope and low
er a bucket. I've been made a fool
Of this week. he says.
Sure enough, it was just as he
said-the water was fresh. The del
ia of the Amazon pours such a big
stream that even out Of sight Of land
the water is sweet as dew on clover
blossoms. s."-Youths Companion.
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1906-01-16
For Four Names.

For -Four Names.
A Stylographic Fountain Pen; a
Pocket Knife or one
copy Of any Of the following books:
Gordon Keith" by T. Nelson Page;
David Harum," "The One Woman"
by Thomas Dixon.
For Five Names.
A years subscription to either one
of the following Magazines: NC
Clure's, Ladies' Home Journal, Num-
sew, Argosy, Cosmopolitan, Saturday
Evening Post, or either Of the fol-
lowing: A Champion" Stem Wind
ing Watch, A gold pointed Fountain
Pen, or a four-bladed Pocket Knife.
For Six Names.
An Eclipse" Stem Winding Watch,
Hamilton Model is, 22-calibre Rifle,
a years subscription to the Christian
Herald, a 22-String Zithern or any
one Of the following popular cloth
bound novels: "Leopard's Spots" "
Beverly Of Graustark," 'The Two
Captains" by Cyrus Townsend Brady.
For Eight Names.
An Ingersoll Triumph" Watch. a
Daisy Repeating Air Rife-works
like a Winchester-a fine Razor or
a Pocket Knife, a Rapid Writer
Fountain Pen-plain case; or Hopf
Model Violin or an S-inch banjo.
For Ten Names.
One years subscription to THE
ENQUIRER, a No. Hamilton 22-
calibre Rifie-model IL, the Youths
Companion one year, or gold
Fountain Pen; q good Ban
10. Violin or Guitar.
For Twenty Names.
Crack-Shot Stevens Rife, q 10
ounce Canvas Hunting Coat, No. l
ing Shot Gun, the Century or Har-
per's Magazine.
For Thirty Names.
Either Of the following: A Single
Barrel Hammerless Shot Gun, fine
Toilet or Washstand Set, Hopkins
& Allen Jr., 22-calibre Rifle, or a
No. 13 oliver Turn Plow.
For Forty Names.
A fine Mandolin, Guitar or Banjo,
a New York Standard Open Face
Watch, a w. Richards Double-Barrel
Shot Gun.
For Fifty Names.
A winchester VI SOlI 1sCPcosiho .
Rifle, 22-calibre; or a Baker Double
Barrel Breech-Loading Gun.
SPECIAL CLUBS.
We will arrange to furnish any
special article desired by q club
maker for a given number Of names
on application to this office.
TIME TO BEGIN.
Tho tinna for clubmakers to begin
work in competition for the foregoing
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1906-01-16

AN ANTI TI-EXPANsIoNIsT.-A Virginia
mountaineer who had strayed to Rich
mond on an excursion, and who, as his
holiday progressed became rather
hilarious, grew over confident of his
own greatness.
Gentlemen" he said, Il kin lick any
man in Richmond"
No one offered to dispute the asser-
ton, and he tried again.
Gentlemen" he said, Il kin lick any
man in the whole state OF Virginny.''
The words were hardly out of his
mouth before a tall, sinewy man from
his own part of the state entered the
game and gave the boaster a good
thrashing.
The mountaineer had a sense of hu-
NOR. He slowly picked himself up
and faced the group to which he had
boasted.
Gentlemen" he said Il am now
ready to acknowledge that l kivered
too much territory in that last state
ment."-Baltimore Sun.
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1906-01-16

THEIR LITTLE JoKEs.-The other
day a counsel, engaged in a case
in which property Of various de-
scriptions was involved, made long
and rambling speech referring to
each in turn.
His monotonous delivery had sent
nearly everyone to sleep, when he
suddenly startled them all by abrupt
ly changing his voice as he exclaim-
ed to the judge:
MY lord. will now address my
self to the furniture"
You have been doing that for
some time. I think, Mr.. Wells" re-
marked the judge, sweetly, amid
universal tittering
Now, there was another judge who
heard this anecdote. and thought of
storing it up for some future occa-
SION.
At the court, soon afterward, his
opportunity seemed to have arrived.
He was trying a case in which the
circumstances were somewhat SIM
liar, but the property involved was
livestock.
In due course one of the counsel
said:
MY lord, will now address my
self to the donkey"
You have been doing that for
some time" was the prompt re-
sponse, whereupon a regular roar of
laughter followed, which highly graf
flied the judge until it's reason dawn
ed upon him.-Tit Bits.
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1906-01-16
Humorous department.
The Man and the Venerable.

The man who was having a little
New Year celebration Of his own, which
promised to be a fairly red one, chanc-
ed to meet a venerable person who
carried a scythe upon his shoulder
"Ah, there, Reuben!" the man re-
marked. How is the alfalfa?"
But before the venerable man had
time to answer a funeral cortege pass
ed down the street.
who is the party in the rest-wag-
on?" the man inquired.
THAT is the body of the Old Year."
the venerable person replied. 1T Is
being borne to-what are you doing?"
For the venerable person had MOTTO
ed that the man was acting in a pecu-
liar manner.
Picking up stone"
For what?"
ITO shy at the wagon. I want to
show what think Of the Old Year"
Did it treat you badly?"
Badly! / should say it did-never
kept its word once"
Did you help 1t to do SOP"
well, I-I-that isl attended to
business-fairly well-and-say, what
festal procession is that behind the
other?"
For the man thought 1t would be
we'll to change the subject.
That is the procession of the New
Year"
"'Tis, hey! Ray! Ray for the New
Year! Whoop 'er up! He's a peach!
'Ray!"
"why do you think so much of the
New Year?"
whey, he has promised me all sorts
Of good things"
Say" the venerable person with the
scythe remarked. II will tell you one
thing right now: He will keep none
Of his promises so long as you-you-
that is-attend to business-fairly
well-and"-
who in thunder are you?" the man
interposed.
Il am generally known as Old Faith
er Time"
The man listened in wonder and
amaze. Then he shook his head and
said:
II suppose, then, it must be one Of
your children l am out after"
What do you mean?"
why, am out after a little Time"
So Old Father Time passed on, for
what is the use Of giving counsel to
fellow of that kind? Pearls cast be-
fore swine are wasted-unless some
other fellow picks them up.-San
Francisco Call.
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1906-01-16

TRUTH OF AN OLD TRADITIoN.-The
Board of District commissioners, ac-
cording to a Washington correspond
ent, has received a letter from Lue
Rutz Of Van Buren, Ark, in which
he says:
Il would like to know where it
is that George Washington threw a
silver dollar further than any one
else. 1t was in Washington, d. c.,
some place, so l write to find out"
The commissioners acknowledge
their inability to answer the query.
According to the fairly we'll authen-
ticated account of this alleged epi-
sode it occurred at Fredericksburg,
Va. where Washington is said to
have thrown a silver dollar clear
across the Rappahannock, river. In
this city and it's vicinity the popular
across the Potomac at Mount YER
non, where the river is nearly a mile
wide
On visit to Mount Vernon, in
company with the late William NJ.
Evarts, then attorney general, Lord
chief Justice Coleridge, of Engla 10.
expressed doubt as to the correctness
of this story, on account of the great
width of the river, and Mr.. Evarts
then made his famous witticism:
"Eut you must remember my lord.
that a dollar went further in those
days"
IA He that is ungrateful has no fault
but one. All other crimes may pass
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1906-01-16
GOOD PAY FOR EASY WORK.
Make a Club for the Yorkville
Enquirer.
BEST SEMI-WEEKLY IN THE SOUTH
Interesting Premium Contest Now Open to
Everybody.
Columbus Top Buggy Worth $50 For the Largest
A Columbus Top Buggy Worth $50 For the Largest
Club of Paid Names and Rock Hill Top Buggy
for the Second Largest Club of Paid Names.



edited
surrounding
reasonable The mission Of THE
promotion religious
adjoining counties
right to
usefulness the OF It's endeaVor
SUBSCRIPTION PRICE,
to
and $100 for six months
clubmakers that price
The reduced
list
the January
Other
OF
Of
whether include
onew other worth $685.
FOR
number
will
returning largest club
depository
WILL after
ies o Of the regular retail price
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1906-01-16
CHANGE I'M COTTON RATES.

nN November II the rate on cotton
~ on farms or in the country was
made $50 This will be the charge
whether the cotton Is in or out of
buildings, provided it is not within 100
feet of any gin house or other hazard
GUS exposure. See me for cotton or
any other kind of insurance.
SAM M. GRIST.
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1906-01-16
L. M. GRIST'S SONS, YOrkville, s. G.

- Don't miss reading Horse Shoe
Robinson in The Enquirer. 1t Is an
intensely interesting Revolutionary
war story.
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1906-01-16

QUITS-"Bylinks has perfect
mania for condensing everything. Did
you hear how he proposed?"
No"
He held up an engagement ring be-
the girls eyes and said 'Eh?"
And what did she say?"
"She Just nodded. Tit Bits.
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1906-01-16
Ths aJurkrille Gnqairer.
Entered at the Postofflce as Second
Glass Mail Matter.
Published Tuesday and Friday.
PUBLISHED RS,
w. d. GRIST,
o. E. GRIST,
A. M. GRIsE
Published Tuesday and Friday.
TERMS OF SUBSCRIPTION,
ADVERTISEMENTS

Inserted at One Dollar per square for
the first insertion, and Fifty Cents per
square for each subsequent insertion.
A square consists of the space occupied
by ten lines Of this size type.
68 Contracts for advertising space
for three, six and twelve months will
be made on reasonable terms. The
contracts must In all cases be confined
70 the regular business Of the firm or
Individual contracting, and the manu-
script must be in the office by Monday
at noon when intended for Tuesdays
issue, and on Thursday at noon, when
Intended for Fridays issue.
IL Cards Of thanks and tributes of
respect inserted at the rate Of 10 cents
per line for each insertion.
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1906-01-16
ALL THROUGH
THE YEAR
Best Recipes of Local HOuSekeep-
erS.

COIJ,ATED IN HANDSOME BOOK.
THE ALI THROUGH THE YEAR"
Cook Book consists of 1876 pages of
recipes, grouped in convenient and
comprehensive form and makes up
work that will be of service in every
household. Bound in strong paper
covers.
The price Of the book is go Cents.
When ordered by mail. 8 Cents extra.
1t may be had from the following
places in Yorkville:
Strauss-Smith Co. See Miss Glenn
or Miss Wallace.
Heath & Company. See Miss Cody.
York Drug Store.
/. W. johnson.
Loan and Savings Bank.
Orders also filed by Mrs. B. N.
Moore, Mrs. G. H. O'Leary, or Mrs.
s. M. McNeel. Yorkvllle. S. c.
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1906-01-16
FOR SALE AT A BARGAIN.

u OUR Horse Power Shipman
IL Steam Engine. Uses Kerosene
oil for fuel, and takes fire and water
as required automatically. Cost orig
inally, $3.50, and Is guaranteed to be In
first class condition. We will sell at
a bargain.
l.. M. CRISIS SONS.