davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Birmingham age-herald., 1906-12-09
Wy Young Friend Count Boni's Love Affair


pairs. Wan tenant afther another had sold tn chandyleers off tn ceilin', tn carpet off tn flure, the paper off tn wall, tn lead pipe out iv tn plumbin' ontil it looked as though it had been leased to the Dimmycratic CinthraI Comity or used fir socyaI party iF Pittsburg millyonaires. Whin tn sign iv tn house come iv age, his father called him to him an says he: Me darlin' child he says, 'ye have all tn iddycation needed be a nobleman iv ye'er station. Ye ar-re expert in doolin :. borrowin, an pomadin tn hair; ye play a fine game iv cards; ye know be their first name all tn ladies iv tn chorus, he says. 'Ye require no mora schoolin', an 'tis now ye'er jooty to sthrike out an arne a livin',' he says. Alas he says, in these deginrate days on'y wan thrade is left open to our old an illegal nobility he says. I allude to tn always arjoos but sometimes profitable pro-fissyon iv mathrimony. Here in our belle France he says, 'alY tn best place arre took already, but he says, do you set out fir America, the land of akel opporchunity. Go there, shut ye'er eyes, an choose tn lady iv ye'er affections. A fathers blessings go with ye,' he says. An, he says, in ordher that ye may have an incintive to industhry,' he says. 'me beloved son. he says, I've rented ye'er room' he says.
 50 tn Count frightened his stays, had his hair curled reddened his face with Bloom iv Youth, penciIed his eye brows ontil he was tn picture iv a
The Birmingham age-herald., 1906-12-09
Mr. D00ley's Philosophy

whin it is armed with Poverty an burglars tools, an tn Count was not to be rebuffed.
 Some years befure this there lived in this counthry a gr-reat cappytalist who had succeeded be his own indus three an th' carelessness iv others in accumylatin' a modest fortune whin tn tax collector come ar-round. It was almost ye might say, blushing at thim times. He was poplar man. His picture was printed often in tn pa-apers an he was sometimes chased firm his office to his home be his fel- low-ctizens. He was gr-reat rail- road man. Not that he knew anything about railroad thrain firm firin' an engine to sellin' peanuts, but. Hinnissy, he was, as me frind Jim Hill wud say, tn conthrollin' spirit iv wan iv thim great agents iv civylization that binds in bands iy steel tn east an west so tight that they can't even squeal an gives employment to thousands iv men like engineers, firemen, lobbyists, swtchmen, joodicyary, legislachures. lab'rers, an mimbers iv Coroners. juries. He arly see tn Power iv tl.' Press, an instead of larnin' to ile piston rod he studied printin' an be- come so good at it that he had press in his back office where he cud be seen amy day or night in his shirt sleeves r-runnin' off his fay-rite authors-Erie, Wabash an Missoury Passyfic. They were tn first colored comic supple ments, an they were very Imaginable.
 But tn time come whin tn press was stilled an tn skillful hand that
The Birmingham age-herald., 1906-12-09

steered it moved no more. The finan- ceer was at rest, and has been so iver since onless he has heerd iv what hap pened to his money.
 "Tord this charming fortune our dis tracted lover cast his eyes. He had no sooner looked over tn records iv tn probate court thin a mad passion seized him. Day be day he cud be seen hauntin tn Stock Exchange, pals an hollow-eyed. He had tn barber rumple his hair with hot irons Al night he stood outside tn safety de- posit vaults playin' on a guitar an serenadin' tn securities. Finlly he cud stand it no longer. He cud no. repress tn throbbings of that fond heart or soothe ayether his own or his boardin house keepers fury. With tn impetchuseness iv his race he threw himsilf at tn feet of tn simple American fortune. Be mine,' he said An it was. Tn fortune took tn Count.
 T well raymimber tn weddin' It was enough to make ye cry. Tn church was filled with tn arrystocracy iv New York, tn proud old rayjeem. saysth- pa-apers, that has ruled tn wurruld iy laSuloH Since LII repeal " LII Snef- man act. Tn arrystocracy were sep arated firm tn vulgar by ropes iv puris. A histolyan iv tn Press esti. mated that nine hundred an eighty three millyon dollars worth iv da- monds reflected back tn hues iv th' stained glass windows. An amid wild cheers an much bettin' on how long it wud last, the clargymen accepted tn satisfacthry an certfyfied check that
The Birmingham age-herald., 1906-12-09

appearing act is now commended as safe and sane reasoning. A few years ago the man who had money was ad- mired and respected now he seems to be regarded as a little worse than horsethief and not quite as bad as a murderer. Twenty years ago l was bum. I come back now to fin.' that am an advanced socialist"
 Come off" said the Alderman. q admire good piece of fiction as well as any one and 1 will give you credit for making your story seem plausible, but don't try to hand it to me. Now, just between the two of us here, tell me, on the dead level, where have you been for the last twenty years?"
 Rip looked behind and all around to make sure that no one was listening, and then he said, confidently: Keep this under your hat and 1 will put you wise to the whole thing. You remem- Der the night I left here and went up into the mountains after l had that awful scrap with my wife? Well, DID meet two men carrying a keg of liquor That part of it is straight. Wherever you find men up in lonely part of the mountains cutting through the underbrush with keg of corn whisky you can gamble on it that they're moonshiners. I knew they wouldn't dare refuse me drink, so I fell in with them and tried to be friendly, and finally they set 'em up. They must have figured that 1 was a revenue off cer or some other kind of government employe, first because I couldn't afford to wear very good clothes, and, second, because l had my gun with me So when they gave me this drink they put in enough knockout drops to kill horse. 1 passed away. and when came to they had done the skidoo. 1 slept until the next afternoon, and when l woke up the sun was shining in my face and 1 had an awful case of bust-head. l was afraid to come home, and l knew that 1 had about played my string in this town, so after sitting there awhile and thinking over the situation, l hit the long trail for the west. By telling new hard luck story in every town that l struck soon cul- tivated my imagination and became more than ever convinced that man who can live by conversation is foolish to go out and work eight hours every day l finally landed in Pittsburg where l became a promoter and mer- ger. I would find two men competing in some line of manufacture and 1 would induce them to combine two plants worth $5000 each into a stock company and issue $100,000 worth of
The Birmingham age-herald., 1906-12-09
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.sOME OLD STORIES RETOLD.. =.

square himself is to say that he doesn't
 remember anything that happened. So
 I fixed up the story about being in a
 trance With the hair and the whiskers
 and the bad suit of clothes certainly 1 looked as if 1 had been curled up in the
 weeds for at least twenty years. 1 re- membered where I had planted the i gun because I had been too lazy to carry it, so 1 went and dup up the rusty 1 old barrel and landed i'll here and l handed the natives what I believe to ] be one of the masterpieces of Amer ican fiction. You can see for yourself what a hit I've made. I don't have to 1 answer any embarrassing questions. I have discovered the only sure method of wiping out a long and crooked past. I simply say that l have been asleep for twenty years and have been leading a blameless life. You might not think that I could put that kind of story across and make it stick, but I have. and if my reputation keeps on growing wouldn't be a bit surprised to receive good offer to go on the lecture plat form"
 You are certainly a wonder said Alderman yon Kidder. Next to the Interstate Commerce Commission, I have no doubt that your sleep is the longest on record I won't tip off the truth to any one. You stand by me in politics and indorse my official record and I'll indorse your story about the long sleep, and that will be about a stand-off"
 So of all the people in that thriving young city Von Kidder was the only one who knew for a certainty that Rip Van Wrinkle was a fake The story was repeated over and over, with in- creasing wonderment. At last it got into the newspapers. with big four column pictures of Mr. Van Wrinkle before and after his remarkable ex- perience in the Catsldlls, with pictures of his wife, his old homestead, the gun, the whiskers, the dog, etc. with a map of the Catskills mountains and an X mark indicating the spot where he slept, and then the most doubting soul seemed to be convinced.
 All except one. There had lately come to town a young doctor who was working hard to build up practice. He had no reputation and it was con trary to the ethics of his profession to advertise by the ordinary methods, but he sent for a reporter and had him. self interviewed as an expert upon the possibility of human being re- maining in a state of coma for period of twenty years. In this interview the doctor was mentioned as celebrated specialist" both his house address and his office address being mentioned and 1 a two column picture run with the | story. The doctor demonstrated that it | would be absolutely impossible for the | essential organs of the body to resume | their normal functions after a period | of suspension exceeding in length a | few weeks. He quoted numerous au- thorities upon the bold assertion that MT. Van Wrinkle had deceived the pub lie and was in impostor of the most barefaced and shameless description.
 After this arraignment had been
The Birmingham age-herald., 1906-12-09

united tn oldest an haughtiest line in France with wan iv tn newest an hum- blest fortunes iv America.
 An now it's all over. Tn bloom is off tn rose. Tn romance has turned into trajeedy. How did it happen, says ye. Pll niver tell ye, though I know. Yere a rayspictable married man, an 'tis not fir tn likes iv ye to pry into tn domestic lives iv tn rich an tn nobly bOr-rn. I will say only this, that firm readin' tn pa-apers I've med up me mind that tn Count made love to tn alphabet. He did, I say he did. It's here in tn pa-aper in red an white, Madame A, Madame B, Madame C-th' whole alphybet firm A to z. If I cud joke on such sub Ject l might tell ye he was in love with Madame A1-z. An now he's lost his job. Tn sign iv a noble house has been taken down an painted out What is left iv tn fortune has shook him. He's still in love, mind ye. A finder heart like this is iver faithful, no matther what happens to tn object iv it's affections. an tn honest Counts heart wud throb today at tn sight iv little small change He still stands around outside tn bank singin' madri- gals an askin' to be taken back. But all tn romance is out iv it fir tn For tune. Tn Fortune has got divoorce.
 An there ye ar-re. Isn't that tn sad story?"
 T think it sarves thim both right" said MT. HenneSSy. What's an Amer. ican girl doin' to marry wan iv thim Dagoes. The money was made over
The Birmingham age-herald., 1906-12-09

Parisyan athlete or American mani cure. an set out on his love mission. I raymimber whin he landed Tn ray porthers met him an asked him if he had amy baggage. I thought l wud- dent br-ring any over,' said he. It's ony in tn way if ye have cuffs ye cab turn. an'',' he says. I expict to buy what I need In ye'er well-beloved coun. thry.' he says. Why have ye come?' asked tn gineleman iv tn Press. I am in love- says tn Count. I am devoured with divine passion he says. Here in this land iv ye'ers lives tn woman I love- he says. I cant sleep or eat ontil I see her, says he, let alone buy amy clothes or joolry,' he says. An what is tn name iv tn enchantress? 2 say tn Knights iv tn Goose Quill. It's wan iv these says tn lovesick swain, projoocin a long list firm tn inside iv his hat. P'raps some iv ye cud tell me about thim. Tn lowest cud hurl me mad passion fir be thin millyon dol lars, but he says, me foolish heart tells me wud allow twinty per cint. reduction he says, fir a blonde, he says.
 Ut was beautiful. simple coortship. Tn Count cud be discovered amy day settin at his frugal meal fev'rishly readin' tn pages iv Bradstreet on 'Coortship an Marredge in tn United States His wooing was not all aisy. nanny fortune destined f'r an Eng fish divoorce coort spurned him, an at wan time it looked as though war might break out between France an England But love will find a way,
The Birmingham age-herald., 1906-12-09
W .ecaoss SHOWS .sAeRE VAN TWINKLE
 WOKE up q.

shipped to Boston to be tanned.
 It is only within the last year or two that the traffic in deer hides has reached large proportions. A few years ago a deer hide of the best quality could be bought for half a dollar, ana the hides were thought of so little ac- count that unless the man who killed the deer had some use for the skin be threw it away.
 The deer hides are now used by the manufacturers of gloves and other arti- cles, and there is steady demand for them The demand is shown by the fact that the hides have increased al most three-fold in value during the last two years.
 The hide of the Maine deer has been found to be excellent material for malS- ing gloves. pocketbooks, bindings and many small leather articles. There is a good profit in these articles for the manufacturer because the deer hides can be bought cheaper than almost any other kind of leather that would an- swer the purpose.
 Those who are aware of the large traffic in deer hides in Maine fear 1t may mean another danger to the big game which roams the Maine woods. A dealer in hides must have a license, which costs s5. Under the protection of this license the dealer can buy as many deer hides as he can get hold of Therefore the question is asked whether with the dealer offering good prices for deer hides and having agents all over the hunting regions buying ul. the hides an incentive will be furn- ished to prompt men to hunt deer for the money there is in them.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1906-12-09

the other town liars pulled down the green blinds and went out of business.
 It was a hard blow to thriving and ambitious young city to have the prize tank come floating back after all these. years. His relatives and acquaintances had to make the best of it. They shook hands with him and slapped him on the back and told him how well he was looking, which was more or less of joke, because they had hoped that he never would show up again, and when they saw the fringe around the trousers and the coat torn up the back they knew that he had come home to sponge living in the only town that would stand for him. They chipped in and gave him enough money to get a shave and hair cut and a serviceable ready made suit. Within three days he felt strong enough to get out and work the old familiar cir cult. All he had to do was to wander into buffet and begin his yarn about meeting the little men with the keg up fin the Catskills and how they juggled the drinks on him and had him in the hay for twenty years and he could al ways find some one who would buy just to keep him going. Not bar keeper in town believed his story, but they strung him along because he en- couraged trade and they wanted to see how far he would go, and he thought he was getting away with it.
 A week had elapsed and he was still basking in the sunlight of publicity and standing on the most prominent cor ners so that he could be pointed out as a celebrity. Aleck von Kidder, who had been a friend of his boyhood and was now the venerable and respected Alderman from the Second ward, hap pening to meet him in front of the Y. M. c. A., suggested that they stroll down to the Elite Cafe to shake the box and try to whipsaw the house.
 q don't like to go in there" remark ed Rip. "They have an old tab against me and may get the seltzer bottle."
 Tt has been twenty years since you stood them up," said Aleck. "Mebbe they have forgotten all about it.
 So they went down an alley and en- tered the Elite by the back door, be- cause Aleck, who was in politics, did not wish to queer himself with the pious element by going in from the street.
 There had been many changes in the old taproom since Rip had seen It, twenty years before Two new slot ma chimes had been installed. The picture of the welter-weight champion had been moved to the other side of the
The Birmingham age-herald., 1906-12-09
{ -AA.-s,,.es- .-r.-r4. ss.ss s.sess,

deliberate and vicious falsifer they agreed among themselves that he was mentally unbalanced. So they had him put away in private sanitarium, and sent the young doctor and othe:' famous experts to peek at him through the bars and make notes as to his ec- centricities.
 When MT. Van Wrinkle was brought into the court room he looked cross at the jury box and saw six dignified, sad eyed representative American business men.
 q can make out my finish" murmur- ed MT. Van Winlxle. What chance has beautiful mythical legend or frag- ment of sweet, poetic folklore got with that bunch of narrow-minded commef- cial clans? My ticket for the nut col lege is now being stamped on the back. l can see the booby hatch yawning fo- one old man that got too gay with his talk. No matter how successful lia. a man may be, there is alway a dange. that he will reach for a tall one anc land on his neck.'
 What could poor Rip Van Wrinkle do? If he disowned the whole story about sleeping in the mountains and told the CdHQiQ tlulu dDOuI HIS twenty year S of jumping board bills, running up bad debts and moving from town to town would any one believe him? And ,r they did believe him, and even if he could prove it, would the situation be improved? Was it better to be crook than lunatic?
 He took desperate chance and told without rhetorical flourish the sweet and simple story that had so charmed the townspeople on the day of his re turn. He told of the dark night on the mountain pathway, of the rumbling thunder and the vivid flashes of light ming, of meeting the two selfish little strangers and how they beckoned him to the mountain top, there In tho gathering gloom of the night, and of the strange revels, the stupefying draught and then-forgetfu1n Also of that strange awakening in a new and unfamiliar world, and how he had groped his way back to the scenes of his happy youth.
 When he had concluded, the hard ware clerk, the man who worked in the grain elevator, the assistant post master, the proprietor of the feed store, the owner of the Gem grocery and the prescription clerk from McIntyres drug store, all seated graveIy in the
The Birmingham age-herald., 1906-12-09

on the very spot where this hoary old humbug claimed that he had been asleep. When MT. Van Wrinkle was asked to explain away the damning proof piled up against him.. he took refuge in dignified silence, and the pub lie, as usual, construed his silence as an absolute admission of guilt.
 MT. Van Winkle, instead of being a petted and pampered celebrity, now found himself in a class with the United States Senator who has been written up in the magazine His humili- ated relatives and close friends, who had been glad to share with him the first glories of his sensational return, now looked around for some good pre- text for railroading him into the re- mote background. They were inclined to take a charitable view of his case. Instead of publicly denouncing him as
The Birmingham age-herald., 1906-12-09
BY F. P. DUNNE

here, an, it shud stay here. I'm again all these things. Our girls ought to marry good straight American young men,"
 They do." said MT. Dooley, "so long as papa Is poor. But whin tn old gin tleman has accumulated a bank ac- count that makes him tn subject ivy convarsation in a Grand Jury, tn lady has got to choose between those that will have her. This is tn on'y coun- thry in the wurruId where a poor man can't marry rich woman. If I were a marvin man, which I aint I'd prefer to marry heiress, all other charms bein' equal. But I know what ye'd say about me if did An so it goes Tn American king iv finance is fine 1a-ad an mo- body will fyer get his money away firm him while he lives. But between takin spouse, Hinnissy. that she can on'y see whin she goes down to th' Stock Exchange an hollers fir him to come out, an foreign nobleman that she locates be writin' to lady she. niver knew, it's hard choice fir tn poor girl. I'd like to get mad on tn subject iv what th' pa-apers call in- tenaytional marredges but can't. have read tn reports firm Sioux Falls. But tis sthrange this romance I've been tellin ye about turned out wrong. They had lyrything that ought to make marredge happy"
 They had money said Mir. Hen messy
 That's what said." said MT. Dooley.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1906-12-09
ReckIessness of Partridges.

From the London Daily Globe.
 An extraordinary partridge story comes from Conington, Huntington. A lady was reading in her sitting room when, to her consternation. a brace of cartridges dashed through the window. They broke two panes of glass. but were secured be- fore doing further damage. It is supposed they were being pursued by a hawk, no guns being out at the time.
 Cartridges look backward in flight, and are frequently injured or killed by tele- graph wires. Some time ago a partridge dashed into the thick lookout glass of an engine on the Great Eastern railway near Ely and actually smashed it, while it is no unusual thing in Cambridgeshre and Norfolk for them to fly into railway car riages.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1906-12-09

rotted gun and the skeleton of the dog alongside.
 Then the expert came back with a letter to the editor and wanted to know why the dog hadn't slept too and come out all right. and he offered to give large sum of money to any charitable institution that might be named if MT. Van Wrinkle would consent to lie on a mattress in some public place and give an exhibition nap of just one short month in order to prove his case.
 As soon as the young doctor began 10 hammer the venerable and respected Mr. Van Wrinkle and apparently had him on the run, the public, with its un- erring instinct of contempt for totter- ing idol, joined in the general outcry. MT. Van Wrinkle had made the great mistake of coming home as a hero. He should have known that in America no
The Birmingham age-herald., 1906-12-09

stock, and I would get half of the stock for providing the conversation. It was a great scheme while it lasted, but finally man whose flow of language was a little stronger than mine came along and took all of my stock com panies and put them into one big com pany and froze me out.
 Well, I wandered about from one place to another accepting any em- ployment which did not call for actual labor My qualifications consisted of being a good fellow and having thirst that never faltered. I was a lobbyist and real estate boomer and secretary of a campaign committee. Finally when I had worked every graft l could think of I decided to come back to my native town and live on my relations and friends. You may have noticed that when man has petered out
The Birmingham age-herald., 1906-12-09
.. RIP VAN TWINKLE

icebox and strangely complicated de. vice, known as a cash register, was backed up against the large mirror. But there was the same old line of empty Benedictine bottles on the top shelf and the lunch was apparently the same.
 Rip got stuck the first round, which meant that the Alderman had to pro. duce, and then the two old friends sat at a quiet side table to talk of the happy days of yore.
 There have been many changes in tweny years sighed Rip. q have lost all track of baseball averages and don't dare to talk politics because 1 find that the great parties have swapped issues The red-handed revo- lutionist has become the conservative leader, and the talk that was regarded as anarchy when I did my famous dis