davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Morris County chronicle. [volume] (Morristown, N.J.) 1877-1915, 1906-03-27

EVENEn ZIP.

All things by Time are set to rights
And squared in divers ways;
Gay blades by lengthening their nights
Are shortening their days.
" Catholic Standard and Times.
The Morris County chronicle. [volume] (Morristown, N.J.) 1877-1915, 1906-03-27
COURTESY.

Probably the most absent-minded
man in the country is a gentleman who
entered car the other night. He was
the only occupant. At the first stop a
lady got in, and the gentleman rose
and said:
Allow me to give you my seat,
madam
The Morris County chronicle. [volume] (Morristown, N.J.) 1877-1915, 1906-03-27

The screw 81 is then released ana the
caliper taken from the work and is
closed up until 90 comes in contact
with the screw (A). This device is
very quick transfer caliper and one
that can be made at slight expense.
The Morris County chronicle. [volume] (Morristown, N.J.) 1877-1915, 1906-03-27
sIMPLEsT, BEST. CHEAPEST.

Doctor, I wish you'd prescribe for
hy complexion
Certainly, madam, returned the
doctor. and be wrote: Let it alone. -
hit Bits.
The Morris County chronicle. [volume] (Morristown, N.J.) 1877-1915, 1906-03-27
pEATH oF coNGREssMAN.

REPRESENTATIVE dIICI 9UIIf 0tIINAOlI
While Asleep, Quickly Expires.
washington, D. Representative
George II. Patterson, Of the Twelfth
Pennsylvania District, died suddenly.
Mr.. Patterson had just returned to
Washington from visit to his home
in Ashland, Pa. and apparently was
III good health.
He was with his secretary until mid
night, when he retired. About 4 O'Clock
4. M. he was taken i'll and died all hour
later. Heart failure is ascribed MS the
cause of death.
The Morris County chronicle. [volume] (Morristown, N.J.) 1877-1915, 1906-03-27
WORTH WHILE.

Stella-"W What were the prizes at
that suburban bridge partyg'
Bella" Cooks. New York Sun.
The Morris County chronicle. [volume] (Morristown, N.J.) 1877-1915, 1906-03-27

Look at This ana You WIN Be AbIs
to Locate the Blaze.
ow 10 sEED IN AN ALARM.

no send In an alarm, open box and pull downs
the lever on the inside. When an alarm d
sent in, the fire bell viii sound the number e
the box and repeat the alarm four times.
There are several keys to each box. which aze
held by persons living nearbya card attached
to each box gives the names Of such holders.
Policemen also have keys.
The Morris County chronicle. [volume] (Morristown, N.J.) 1877-1915, 1906-03-27
VOW no LOCATE An Ar.ARM.

II the alarm Is sounded from box Is. the nFe
bell will strike two then pause rnd strike flvs.
which win indicate that the fire is In the vicln-
fly Of No. Is box Every alarm is repsatsa
four times
no. Box rouArFoN.
The Lamar register., 1906-01-03

THE very awfulest moment OF my
life?" inquired the chorus girl ao-
iusting her abbreviated skirts as she
sat on a property rock and, finging
a cobwebby shawl across her as
toundingly decollete decolleteee. you
could never guess where 1t was spent
In a Pullman car, The loveliest. ian
ciest Pullman car on the road per-
hans 1t wasn't IA moment. either. but
half an hour had been travelling
with a show called The Jolly testers
away out west. We had been on the
road a whole day and night ana we
were due at our destination al the
next morning. Rising with the pirdies
isn't exactly in my line, but when
you'ye got you war paint on ana mus.
he at rehearsal a little after cockcrow-
YOU get madly excited sometihes'
and so the morning our train was eN-
pected to touch the town l Slid out OF
INV cozy cot at half-well, at any
way.
before slid out I put on a pair
of crocheted bed slippers and a nan
nelette wrapper and threw a PINK
shawl over my head as disguise
until I could reach the dressing room.
l had my cold cream box in one hand
and nv tooth brush and few other
first aids to nature in the other, ana
/ figured that at that hour nobody
would be up and l should have the
sweet calm of dawn to myself, to say
nothing of the looking glass. But
alas, l had not reckoned with the
feminine rush that rudely breaks the
morn on Pullman. After a frantic
disappearing act from berth to dress
ing room. l reached the latter only TO
find the door locked.
Fooled? Not bit of it. Not me!
I peeked into the car ahead oil ours
and saw that all was dark and still
and lonely there. Wrapping my shawi
close around me, l opened the door,
crossed the platform and, to my wild
ioy. reached the dressing room OF the
neighboring car in safety. once In
side. I gave myself up heart and soul
to the joys of an uninterrupted toilet
'I noticed that we had stopped at
a little town somewhere in the WHO'S
but 1 knew it couldn't be my town,
The Lamar register., 1906-01-03

To the uninitiated monastery III
Russia may seem an even less attrac'
tive place of retirement than monk .
cell under the glowing southern Sky
But those who know Russia VIII easily
realize that there are attractions ana
possibilities which give pecuiiar
charm to monastic life in that country
of striking contrasts, of vast silent
places; of ceaseless turmoil on the
one hand and of dull monotony on the
other. 1 have in my mind monastery
on the banks of the Neva. not iar
from st. Petersburg, which has always
seemed to me to be very center of
perfect peace and rest. In summer
the steel-blue curolas of its church rise
above the tops of the birch and rowan
trees that grow all round 1t and the
small graveyard where the monks are
buried under high grassy mounds
adorned with humble little wooden
crosses OF the shape which distin-
guishes the cross of the Greek church
from that of Rome. The blue waters
of the Neva flash and gurgle close by,
The Lamar register., 1906-01-03
In Need of RattIers.

Recently a Portland firm that deals
in fish and game received from a man
in an Idaho town this startling order:
Gentlemen-Pleases ship me at once.
c. O. D., one dozen live rattlesnakes.
Must be good biters."
Not having as many live rattle
snakes on hand as the order called
for, the firm could not make the
shipment; but letter was sent to the
Idaho man inquiring as to why he
wanted the rattlers. Here is an ex-
cerpt from the letter received In re-
ply:
Three months ago I swore off from
drinking whisky. I was determined to
quit. so took solemn oath never to
drink another glass of whisky unless
l should be bitten by a rattiesnake
and need the liquor as an antidote.
Rattlesnakes are mighty scarce in
this part of the country. l have been
out hunting for rattlers every day
this month, but have found none. Now,
am a man of my word. 1 do not in
tend to violate my oath. Surely you
can get some rattlesnakes for me
Please ship at once. This is import
ant.'-Portland Oregonian.
The Lamar register., 1906-01-03

barbarous times In which 1t was built,
so singular. so outside of all archi-
tectural traditions. Ivan the Terrible
had this cathedral built as thanks
offering for the capture of Kazan. and
when 1t was completed he found 1t so
beautiful. admirable and amazing that
he ordered the eyes OF the architect
an Italian. 1t was said-to be put out
in order that he might not be able to
construct any other like it.
Architect Put to Death.
According to another version OF
the same legend. the czar asked the
author of the church If he could not
build n still more beautiful one, and
upon his replying in the affirmative.
he had his head cut of, so that Vas
sill Blajennoi should remain without
a rival. 1t would be difficult to I'm
agine a cruelty more fattering in its
jealousy, and this Ivan the Terrible
must have been at bottom a true art
The Lamar register., 1906-01-03

Moscow. in the streets of which ter
rible battles were fought between the
revolutionary mobs and the soldiers
of the czar, is the Oldest and most
famous city in the Russian empire
In picturesque sights and wealth OF
tradition 1t Is not surpassed by any in
the world, and recent events have
made II still more historic, by adding
another bloody chapter to its chron-
icles.
For many centuries Moscow was
the chief city of the realm. the heart
OF Muscovy, where the czars held high
court iD the barbarously beautiful
buildings which they erected to per
patuate their memory. Even now, al
though for reasons of convenience the
governmental activities have been
transferred to st. Petersburg, 1t is still
the official capital of the empire. Here
the slow growth of years has built up
that mighty inclosure of palaces and
The Lamar register., 1906-01-03
Gates as Writer of Humor.

On occasion John w. Gates, the
stock and turf plunger, shows a streak
of humor. Not long ago he was chat
ting with a number of literary men,
among whom were several humorous
writers. Mr.. Gates said in a chatting
way: You fellows have no more
humor in you than stock statistics.
I'll back myself to write funny piece
against you ALL" OF course, the chal.
lenge was accepted, thereupon each
competitor contributed his humorous
output, all the writings being submit
ted to one of the party for decision.
The referee awarded the palm to Mr.
Gates, whose effort was as follows:
Il hereby promise to pay Mr.. Blank
the sum of $50 for his time and
trouble in acting as judge to this
dope competition" The other COM
petitors unanimously concurred In
the award.
The Lamar register., 1906-01-03
Lives Spent in Peace
Russian Monks Dwell Always in
III. Center of Monastic Stiffness
Especial correspondence.)

But best of all and most enchanted
was the place in winter, when the blue
cupolas had high caps of dazzling
white snow, when the Russian rob-
fns," the beautiful birds with throats
of salmon pink. were fed by the
monks, and when the air glittered and
cracked with cold. There was a
service at the monastery at 6 p. m.
on Saturdays. We waited till the
rough drift ice from Lake Ladoga lad
settled on the Neva, till all the open
spaces between the ice sheets ware
firmly frozen over, and till the sLn.
during spell of mild weather. had
somewhat smoothed the ice. Then ut
p. m. on Saturdays we strapped our
skates on. seated on blue ice. aad
glided down the river, paus'ng here
and there to career round partieI-
larly smooth sheet of ice. At the mon
astery steps we took off our skates
and followed the thin stream of sheep
skin-coated peasants into the church.
through the soft gloom of which the
candles at the east end. near the gold
The Lamar register., 1906-01-03
One Of
WhereT

list, an impassioned dilletante. This
ferocity in matters of art displeases
us less than indifference"
After speaking of the extraordinary
shape of the structure. seeming as II
the architect. seated in the middle
of his work. had beaten out a building
au repousse," Gautier. describes Its
amazing color scheme. or lack of 1t.
as follows: What adds still more to
the extraordinary effect produced by
the Vassili Blajennoi is that it is col
ored from base to pinnacle with the
most incongruous colors, which. how
ever. produce an ensemble both har-
monious and charming. Red. blue. ap-
ple-green, yellow. each claims its
place in the adornment of the build
ing. Columns. capitals, arches, or
naments, are painted in different col
ors that throw them out into power
fui relief. In the rare fiat spaces,
divisions have been simulated, panels
inclosing pots of flowers. rosettes, In
terlacing chimerical figures. Illumi-
nation has storied the domes of the
bell-towers with drawings. like the
foliage on India shawls, and thus
placed. on the roof of the church, they
resemble the kiosks of Sbe sultans.
'In order that nothing might be
lacking to the magic effect of tho
scene, particles of snow. caught on
the projections of the roof, the friezes
and the carvings, scattered silver
spangles over the variegated robe of
Vissili Blajennoi. adorning with 4
The Lamar register., 1906-01-03
Variety in Government. Reports.

1t is of the utmost importance that
some fixed standard for reporting crop
conditions and estimating yield shouid
be established which each succeeding
statistician will have no authority 10
alter. Without such standards COM
parisons are worthless. The crop es-
innate issued by the agricultural ue
partment on Monday is case in point.
Formerly estimates were maze Oh
production in running bales. More
recentIv estimates were based on
bales of net weight. In the estimate
issued Monday the gross weight OF
bales was the basis used. Clearly un-
der such changed methods past COM
parisons become worthless and the
true meaning of the latest estimates
is not understood by the masses OF the
neople for whose benefit they are is
sued-New Orleans Picayune.
The Lamar register., 1906-01-03
Clever French Hairdressers.

Observant travellers say American
women, as a rlle, are noted for their
disheveled locks. Except among the
rich, no one can afford the coiffeur
every day, and the French maid. who
knows the mysteries of hairdressing
is also only for the rich. American
women do not take the serious view
of hairdressing held by their CONT
mental sisters. In Paris, IL man Of
moderate means has several daugh-
ters. one is set to learn methods Of
taking care of the hair and dressing
it to advantage. She attends to the
hirsute treasures of her family and
can earn a tidy sum among her
friends. American girls never think
of such a thing. They arrange their
own tresses. or on rare occasions pay
a shampooer. Parisians say few
lessons will put an intelligent girl in
possession Of the secrets.
The Lamar register., 1906-01-03
Her Awful Moment

so remained calm and placid. When
| had quite finished my labor of love
and art | emerged fresh and smiling.
and made a dash for the platform. |
found the platform; oh, yes, the plat
form. but not my own sleeping car or
anything that was mine. They had
shifted at that little town by the way
side and left my car behind. Here
was speeding toward God knows
where in a fiannelette wrapper and
bedroom slippers. l don't think 1
tainted. but | just gazed hollow-eyed
at the receding track of waste and
wilderness behind us, and moaned
and moaned. Presently the conductor
came along with a suspicious look in
his eye. l pressed my hands to my
coiffure head and almost shrieked at
him.
"'Stop the train!' cried Stop the
train! I'm not dressed
THE conductors look of suspicion
changed to one of sympathy and
alarm. think he fancied that luna
tic had stolen aboard his car in the
nighttime. Anyhow he took me
soothingly by the arm and tried to
pdClly anu dlltI SODbtu
out to him my whole pitiful story.
Say, do you know, 1 believe That
some conductors go to heaven. Any
way, that one will. and never. never
shall forget how he had that train run
back to that wayside town and lent
me his overcoat TO hide in until |
could get back to my mother-trunk
once more.
"As for the women on the car that
tried to steal me, not one of them
would lift a finger to help me. You
see, they all knew that l was the evi,
genius who had kept them and their
curly locks out of the dressing room.
and they would have seen me die and
go to heaven in that fiannelette wrap
per and those crocheted slippers be-
fore they would have lent me a rag
Wasn't 1t awful?"
"Oh, pshaw, Maudie,' remarked a
girl in pink tights leaning against a
wing. You had on more clothes than
you've got on now!"
Last CALI" cried the cailboy, com.
ing in.
The Lamar register., 1906-01-03

Power in Simple Services.
There were no treasures OF art IN
that comparatively unimportant moa-
astery church. but on the door. lead
ing know not whittier. there was a
painting of the head of John the Bap-
tist on a salver, which drew and haunt
ed you with its spiritualized beauty.
its suggestion of many things passing
all understanding. The peasants pros
trated themselves on the floor: the
priests. in robes of gold and silver,
read in deep bass voices the Slavonic
texts, which no one understood. And
then. from a gallery high up at the
back of the church, there came flood
of music which seemed less OF the
earth than any other sound. Mems
voices and boys, pure and rich and
very reverent, with notes of supplica-
tion that seemed impassioned sobs as
the "Gospodi pomilui' .CLord have
mercy upon us) rose again and again.
and with final Amen" that throbbed
and thrilled with exaltation.
When, after the service, we got
down to the Neva, the night had come
blue and clear and crowded with
stars-and into the teeth of The north
wind we skated up the river, with the
choir of angels and archangels still
singing in our ears.
There are monasteries such as this
all over Russia, on the banks of the
Don and the Dnieper as well as on the
Neva, near lonely villages and in the
vast plains of central Russia. And
wherever they are there hangs about
them the same mystery and the deep
peac that draw and hold you when
you stand in the Tate gallery before
the yale of Rest"
The Lamar register., 1906-01-03
veter.n Proofreader Retired.

Raymond Lynch. known as Judge"
Lynch. veteran proofreader of the
Courier-Journal. has been retired by
that paper on n pension for life at full
pay. Mr.. Lynch was born in Louis
Vile in 1924 and in 1886 was appren-
tIced to the Louisville Journal. With
one or two slight Interruptions he con-
tinued in the newspaper business. GO
ing with the Courier-Journal when 1t
ebsacbed the Journal and the Demo
csat In. 1858. On Jan. IS next he would
have served exactly seventy years.
The Lamar register., 1906-01-03
Lee Not To BE eribed.

While SO much is being printed
about high-salaried officials of insur-
ance companies the interesting fact
is recalled that forty years ago Robert
E Lee was offered the presidency of a
northern insurance company at a sal
ary large enough for those days. He
wrote that he hadn't the ability nor
the experience to command such a
salary. He was told that his name
was worth it. What influence l
have with the southern people is not
for sale," said Lee.
The Lamar register., 1906-01-03
Secretary eonaparte,. Joke.

Secretary of the Navy Bonaparte
rarely misses an opportunity to
make joke. The other day he re-
ceived visit from Admiral Endicott
of the bureau of yards and docks. who
announced that it has been decided to
use the government vessels Glacier.
Brutus and Caesar in towing IT,: great
new dry dock TO Manila. Perhaps.
Admiral" said the secretary. 'it might
be well to put Brutus and Cae.gr under
peace bonds while they arc enga sed
in the work"
The Lamar register., 1906-01-03
Progress in RaIIroadine.

Yes says the lady whose dress
case is covered with strange foreign
labels, "the way railroads are run
nowadays is a great improvement over
what they were fifty years ago
But surely you had no experience
as a traveller fifty years ago" says
her friend
Il don't mean that. But nowadays,
don't you notice, when there is a
wreck 1t is always had at some point
convenient TO cluster of farm houses
where the victims can go for coffee
and to get warm?"
The Lamar register., 1906-01-03
Expensive Discovery.

No" said the first man, I'VE did
not give our daughter a musical edu-
cation. We realized when she was
very young that she simply could not
sing, and that was all there was to it.
OF course, we regretted it, but what
could we do?"
Il envy you" says the second man.
Envy us? Why. your daughter has
graduated from two of the most cele-
breted singing schools"
Yes, and it has cost me $4,000 to
discover that she can't sing a note,
either"
The Lamar register., 1906-01-03
Woman of II.

NO" she said. I'm afraid do not
love you enough to become your wife,
but shall always be your friend and
sincerely wish for your happiness"
"Oh, that's all right" he rejoined.
81 have made up my mind To-
please don't do anything rash"
she interrupted.
"Ill not" he continued. I'm going
to propose to Miss Plumpleieh to-mor-
row."
"Ch, horrurs," she exclaimed.
"Please give me another day to con-
slider. dear"
The Lamar register., 1906-01-03

and far away countless spires and
cupolas. and forest of masts. suggests
the capital and one OF the great water
ways of the world. But round the
monastery the summer silence is un-
broken.
A long. long avenue of gigantic
birch trees, such as only the high
north produces. with strong, straight
stems of silvery white and magnificent
crowns of huttering foliage. runs far
into the fiat country stretching endless
lessly behind the monastery. Where
the birch avenue ended we had dis
covered a tiny wooden cottage. stand
ing at the end of one of the famous
Russian strawberry farms; and when
the great heat of the day was over
and we resumed our shoes and stock
ings. which in that lovely greenery
and on the short dry grass path OF the
avenue We doffed as matter of
course, We invaded the old peasants
realm. and carried back to tea under
the birches a large birch-rind basket
of Strawberries ripened under sky
which never darkens in June into a
nearer approach to night than rose
tinted dusk.
The Lamar register., 1906-01-03
e;-. at Human TARGETS.

The new musketry regulations of
the German army prescribe firing at
human figure targets only. and these
are to be colored gray. For kneeling
and prone firing portable rests are
used.
The Lamar register., 1906-01-03

I wonder where ha
Back whereI us a little cuss!
Charles he wasb long an stout
I wwhere Charlie his
wind when they got down ter piz!
AndC Charlie went to all tn night
over own
sit high up thereon ap'' tn bay!
An thenhe stu
raing jnglng pace
alw lots o by train
An Hop
'Iuno' "Gallop how
While smile How'd
Tbon tight;
bridge
One time 1 Iwenta away fromh fortune new;
Rut when home in tn
1 sfeelin sort o
7 wonder whe Charlie a divn them eGunes
a straigh up
p,t when Cat'r calls he
Ner cr-i-ut-In ride Galops bus!
The Lamar register., 1906-01-03
Oldest English cIerayman.

The oldest clergyman in England Is
the Rev. John Edward Kemp, who
has been in holy orders for seventy
two years, being now ninety-f1ve
years of age. He has been chaplain
in ordinary to King Edward sa1O
1861.
The Lamar register., 1906-01-03
His Point Of View.

Nurse-see. Charlie, the stork has
brought you nice little brother!"
Charlie-Yes. that's the way! Just
as I'm getting on in the world compe
tition begins.
The Lamar register., 1906-01-03

fortresses, the Kremlin. within the
walls of which are grouped many
famous buildings.
Scene Of Many Tragedies.
Here Ivan the Terrible. murderer OF
5000 men and women held his grim
sway. Here. when boy. Peter the
Great saw his two uncles butchered
Here Boris Goodunuff. craftiest OF the
boyars. smiled and cringed until his
chance came and then usurped the
throne. Here every czar and scion of
the royal line of Rurik has been
buried, usually after violent end.
Here Napoleon's star began to set in
the smoke of flaming houses. Here
Grand Duke Sergius was blown to
pieces by bomb less than one year
ago. II ghosts returned to earth to
haunt the scenes of tragedies. Mos
COW would be populated with uncan-
ny shadows.
After passing down the very streets
which only the other day were stained
with blood and strewn with corpses,
through the Red Square and along the
walls of the Kremlin. Theophile Gau-
tier, the famous Frenchman of letters,
wrote
Before long we reached the Kitai-
Corod. which is the business quarter
on the Krasnaia, the Red Square, or
rather the beautiful square, for in
Russia the words red and beautiful
are synonymous. One of the sides of
this is occupied by the long facade of
the GostinyDvor. an immense bazaar,
intcrsected by streets, covered with
glass roofs and containing not less
than 5000 shops. The wall of the
Kremlin, or Kreml. rises at the other
extremity. with its doors pierced in its
.steep-roofed towers, allowing a
glimpse over its battlements of the GU
polas. towers and spires of the
churches and converts within.
Church Like Dream.
AT the other corner, strange as the
architecture of dream, rises like a
vision the impossible church of Vas
,sili Blajennoi. which causes the rea.
son to doubt the witness of the eyes.
OF reality and asks oneself il it is not
n fantastic mirage. an edifice of clouds
strangely colored by the sunshine
that the movement of the air will
transform or make vanish II is be
yond doubt the most original monu
ment in the world. recalling nothing
that one has ever seen. nor attaching
itself to any order of architecture
"A legend Is told of Vassili Blajen
moi that probably Is not true, but that
does not on this account the less ex
press with force and poetry the feel
1ng of dazed admiration this edifce
must have produced upon the half