The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-10-27

up and treated with disrespect.
The Burglar was q square man com
pared to the CRATER. lie didn't hedge
himself about with ambitious statutes.
He didn't hide behind the cloak Of re-
IigIon and the responsibility OF wealth.
He didn't buy and bride and rebate
He simply marked down his house and
went there and Effected an entrance.
If he found plumber he took it away:
if he found nothing he didn't even
wake up the baby by swearing. If ar
rested he didn't offer the cop a block
of stock. He paid his lawyer in cash,
did his best to prove that he was ia
Toledo that night, and never sweet
ened" juror. If acquitted, he went
back to his honest ways; if sent UP, he
did his best to keep the warden and the
turkeys untainted and shortened his
time as much as possible.
The Burglar has passed away, and it
is doubtful If we shall see him again.
His place has been filed by the Graf
ter. and should he return and want to
resume business he would have to hand
over IS per cent of the profits and
take all the risks himself. He would
also be sneered at for taking the risks
of entering a private house after a few
hundred dollars worth of plumber
when he could graft thousands from
/ city or state without the least danger.
THE NEPHEW.
For the first fifteen years of his life
tbs nephew may have often wondered
I what he was born for. Then he finds
out. He not only finds out what he
was born for but whose nephew he is.
My boy" says his uncle in a kind
and paternal way, Il am the president
of life insurance company. I am
| drawing a salary Of 100000 per wear
| because I know how to select SIC, 000
rugs for the floor of my private once
and to speculate on the money pouring
/ in for insurance. I have been watch
/ ing you ever since you were FIVE years
old You have got head on you like
/ ~ ,.
/ me and be a messenger boy at SO
week as a, starter
The nephew seizes the golden oppor-
tunity. In two weeks he Is found so
useful to the company that his salary
is raised to s25. In two months ever1-
official is ready to admit that the com
pany could not run without him He
| is then made manager of an agency.
and thence on his income Is that OF
prince. Should he want a few race
| tracks or autos the company is only
too glad to get them and have them
| charged to the stationery account We
are not blaming the nephew any. and
none of US should refuse to lay down
in muddy weather and let him walk
over US: It simply happens that he
has an Uncle.
THE BROTHER-IN-L.A
I It som times happens that the Uncle
has no nephew, and he then turns to
| the Brother-in-L1aW. This is not against
| him. The family first and outsiders
I
well regulated man sitting with his feet
on q $4,000 rug. The Brother-ifl-
! Law may not know putty from snuff
/ but he is doomed along the line and
the family bank account taken care Of
! The grating and most OF the work is
done for him, and all he has to do Is 70
| be glad that his relatives didn't die
with the chickerpox at the tender age
Of ten
Were you to meet the Brother-iTl-
Law on the street, you wouldn't see
any earmarks by which to identify him
unless it was the puzzled expression on
his face. He Is all the time wondering
| where he is at and when the bottom is
going to drop out and send him back
/ to his carpenters bench.
THE CAN'T REMEMBER
This Bird has been known to Amer
1ca about twenty years. and he IS In
creasing in numbers each day. The
great feature about him is his sudden
/ loss OF memory. Let him draw cheek
for rebate today and be put on the
| witness stand tomorrow and he has
forgotten all about It. Three or four
million dollars may pass through his
| hands for the equipment of pipe line
/ OF rein cries and he can't tell the next
! week where dollar OF II went #
driven to the wall he will declare his
belief that It was sent to the heather
of Africa.
The Can't Remember Bird used to
/ roost in the House of Mirth. and was
given the dafntiest OF beds and the best
Of food and drink, but he so conducted
himself that he had to be banished. lie
might buy up ten members of the Leg
isIature between Monday morning and
Saturday night. but the whole thing es-
capped his memory when asked Tor par
ticulars-
Within the past year the Cant Re
member has been asked about life in
surance. Standard OIL. legislative brib-
cry. gas bills. railroad rebates coal
mining and many other things. and IN
no one instance has his memory helped
the other side out.-( Copyright, 1906
by c. H. Sutcliffe-)
s-De man dat alius finds fault. said Tn
/ Gle F-ben s.zouldn' be so botheratolIs Il
] he didn' allus ack ike he'd discovered
something 70 be proud CIV ashngton
Star.