Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1906-10-20
VICTIM OF MAD WAGS

part-of- the-magazine advertisers. That is
| to say, he was perpetually catching sight
| Of an ad for some new kind Of a patent
necktie fastener. and then he'd just natu-
| rally have to send two bits to the manu-
| facturers Of the article and have them
| forward him one Of them.
He couldn't resist a back-part advertise
ment Of q new-fangled pants" stretcher
| any more than a. household feline can
| resist catnip tea.
| He'd fall for the back-page ads Of 10
| cent cigars given away for a nickel by
| the benevolent advertisers like any come
| on hunting up green-goods rendezvous
Those diamond-studded watch fobs that
the back part-of-the- magazine advertisers
send, postage prepaid, to any part of the
| United States Or Canada for the foolishly
| inconsequential sum of 35 cents. always
| got him winging, and he always sent for
| them.
His friends caught on to this curious
| bug of the somewhat old-maidish young
| man because he would always persist in
| showing them the mail-order junk that he
| aggregated. He lives in a boarding house
in which half a dozen horribly waggish
youths fritter away their existence. and
! his habit of making ,em all look at his
| outlandish mail-order buys finally brought
| the thing upon him.
They cooked one up on him. and blew Sd
| on its preparation. That is to say, they
purchased $3 worth of postal cards. Then
| they divided the postal cards up in fifty
| lots. so that each of the SIX wags would
| have his fair share of the work. After
| this they cut out the back-page adverts-
| ing portions of two of the current maya
zines and divided the pages so that each
| of the six would get, an equal number.
| Then they wrote to the advertisers on all
| Of those pages, in the name of the old
| maidish young man. requesting them to
| send reading matter and catalogues, or
| narticn1arS ahOut the things they had for
| sale. and to do the same at once.
! The postman reaches that particular
boarding house on his first trip along about
| 8:15 in the morning, while the bunch are
| eating breakfast in the basement dining
| room.
| When the postman appeared on his first
| trip about three mornings after the 300
postal cards had been sent out all that
| the postman required to be a dead-ringer
| for Santa Claus ahead-of-his-date was a
| set Of frosted whiskers. He was burdened
| pie junk that made it pretty hard for him
| to stand up much less walk. 1t was all
| addressed to the old-maidish young man.
There was a heavy glare on his face when
| one Of the young men went to the door to
| receive the mail.
The six mad wags kept their faces
! straight enough. The old-maidish young
gentleman couldn't figure it out how such
| a vast amount of Matchmaker had hap
pened to reach him all at once in that way,
| but 1t occurred to him that perhaps his
name had been given out simultaneously TO
| a whole lot Of mail-order folks by one OF
! those big firms that make a business OF
! dealing in names; that. at any rate, was
the only way he could account for it.
| The postman had another huge load Of the
| stuff when he showed up on his o'clock
| tour and again. when he staggered along
! at o'clock. he was weighted down with
heavy hunks Of mail matter, all addressed
| to the old-maidish young gentleman
| When the latter reached his room he
| found the banked with the stun
| almost to the ceiling, and he spent the
| entire evening in tearing Off the covers
and hastily running over the catalogues
| and things. The stuff came plling in in a
| constantly-increasing tide on the-next day
and on the next after that and right along
| for more days and weeks.
| But that wasn't the worse of it. Four
| evenings after the postal cards had been
| sent out. the somewhat old-maidish young
gentleman was taking bath for him
| self He had sneaked into the boarding
| house at quarter to five, walking lightly
up the stairs for he meant to beat all
| hands to the hot water If he could. He
! knew that there'd be hot water an hour or
so before the boarding house dinner. in
| order that the dishes might be washed
| after dinner, and If some of the lady guests
of the house hadn't seized upon
| Yep, he was lucky. and he found the
water fairly boiling, and he was just. lux
| uriating in it in the tub when the chore
| boy raped on the bathroom door and told
him there german down in de pah-
luh, sub, whut wanted tub see him."
He had to flag his enjoyment of the bath
| and shorten it, and then he hurriedly got
his clothes and went down to the par
lor. There was an affable man there who
| wanted to sell him a moving picture ma
| chine
MY firm" said the affable man, "sent
| me your postal, knowing that I'd be in
this territory my trip; and I've got just
| the thing in the magic-lantern-moving-p epic
ture line that you're hankering for. and
I'm going to show you a proposition that
The old-maidish young gentleman had
| to become real peevish before the man
with the moving picture machine would
go anyway from there.
! Two evenings later, after dinner while
he was in the parlor with couple of de.
| mure grass widows the door-bell rang.
and the solemn-looking elderly man with
| the hacking cough demanded to see the
somewhat old-maidish young man. He
| was ushered right into the parlor, where
| upon the pair of demure grass widows,
| grouchy over the interruption, flew up
stairs.
The solemn man with the hacking cough
| wanted to sell the old-maidish young gen.
tleman lightning heater-a heater that
,ud not only keep the whole house warm
on cents worth of coal oil a day, but
that could be used for chafng dish parties.
and that had an attachment for getting hot
| water ready in forty seconds for shaving,
and that
The old-maidsh young gentleman only
got rio OF tnaC one Dy walking straight up
stairs after he had been held on the car
pet for fifteen minutes. trying to tell the
solemn man that he didn't want to buy.
When he entered the house the following
afternoon he was met in the hall by a con-
f1dent seeming, dark haired. predatory
young man, who bounced upon him at once.
You're Mr. Blank. amt you?" observed
| the predatory young man, with fine power
| Of divination. and then he went ahead
and began to expatiate upon what a bully
thing this plan of buying diamonds on the
! mail-order plan really is. He represented
a Chicago firm that sold EN- that way-a
dollar down and dollar a week for life
and he had some samples with him, and
he had already looked Mr.. Blanks credit
| up and found it excellent: therefore, Mr..
Blank could buy anything he wanted up to
$500 worth, and he could pay when he
The old-maidish young gentleman pre-
tended that he was wanted at the tele-
phone upstairs after he had been corralled
by the predatory caller for full half-hour.
and when he got to his room he locked
himself in and didn't dare show his face
| downstairs for two hours
They're still calling on him, and the post
man on that route is threatening to resign
his job. for the catalogues and things are
still heaping along The victim of it all has
| taken to leaving and entering his boarding
| house by the alleyway, but still he can t
dodge his callers. whose firms have sent