The Baltimore County union. [volume] (Towsontown, Md.) 1865-1909, 1906-12-01
MIR. GRUMPEY's COLD.

| eaSy-chalr, this ere piaguey coiu
of mine is gittin' worse an worse
every minute, an I wish you'd hus-
tie around an do somethin' for It It
you're ever goin' to Now that
you've kept dingin' at me until
you We got my life insured it don't
make particle of difference to you,
s'pose, if 1 catch the pneumonia or
the gallopin' consumption, or most
anything else that comes along Big
pile of sympathy fellow gets when
he is fiat on his back, so to speak,
with cold OH top of him bigger'n n a
meetin' house p
"My DEAR" said Mrs. Grumpey,
gently, "why don't you try ginger
tea and molasses? Only the other
day I was reading in the almanac
''I know you was - broke in Mr..
Grumpey, hastily. 'You're always
readin' somethin' or another in the
almanac You'll manage to pizen
the hull crowd of us yet with some
receipt you get hold of in that way !
1 hain't forgot the batch of fap-jacks
yet you made from somethin' you
got out of an old patent medicine al
manac month or so after we got
married. It's more'n ten years sence
I eft them fap-jacks, but my stom-
ach hain't entirely got over the ef-
fects of it yet."
"Well, you can't blame me, can
you, if you went to work aud ate up
the whole of two dozen flap jacks at
once It certainly wasn't my"
"Never mind about them air flap
jacks" interrupted Mr.. Grumpey.
"What I want to know is if you're
goin' to look over the medicine chest
an get me somethin' for this cold,
or have got to suffer on in silence
till I die of infuenzy or epizootic, or
some other tarnal complaint of that
sort |"
''If you suffer on it won't be in
silence that is quite evident" re-
troted Mrs. Grumpey, dryly. "But
let me see-what was it I did for
it when you had that bad cold right
after New Years :"
"Got me to soak my feet in a tub
of b'ilin' hot water an mustard !
That's what you did that time; but
you don't coax me into no such fool
performance as that again, not as
long as I'm able to sit up an defend
myself You got to cure me with
my boots on this time, if you cure
me at all I don't propose to have
the skin all scalded off my feet every
time I take cold !''
"Well, then, why don't you try
goose grease for it :" suggested Mrs.
Grumpey. "That is what my moth
er always used for a cold. You
grease your nose with it, rub little
of it on your throat and chest, and
then mix few drops with molasses
and take it internally, and the next
morning your cold is gone."."
Eyes, I s'pose so? Sounds all
right, but where's your grease
comm from? Amt got any of it in
the house, have you e.
"N-no, I think not, Silas. I'm
sorry but perhaps I might get it at
the drug store. If it's good for colds
they ought to have it for SALE"
"Had, eh ?" shifted Mr.. Grumpey.
Ever hear of druggist keepin' an
old woman's remedy of that kind on
hand just because he knew it would
knock the spots out of a cold? I
guess not. If he cures cold at all
he's goin' to cure it with a patent
prescription of his own, costing sew
enty-fve cents or a dollar every clip
He isn't in the business for his health,
exactly! An now we've got that
point settled, I'd like to know If
you're really goin' to do anything
for this 'leven-story cold of mine ?
If you are you ought to act mighty
quick I can't stand it to suffer so
much longer !"
Just then the dcor-bell rang, and as
Mrs. Grumpey went to answer it
Mr.. Grumpey groaned, "That's S
right-that's right Go ahead an
wait on some tramp or other an let
your helpless an suferin' husband
die for want of little attention |?
That's the woman of it every time
Oh, you've got back, have you?
Well, did you get rid of your tramp?"
eyes, I got rid of him. 1t was
your friend, Mr.. Gadabout, who
called to get you to accompany him
to the ball-game. He had free tick
cts for this afternoon, it seems but I
told him that made no difference, for
you had very bad cold and conldn't
pos"
"Eh? What's that ?" roared Mr..
Grumpey. "Told him 1 had a bad
cold and couldn't go, did you Well,
reckon it'll take cold considerable
bigger'n this one to hold me back
when there's chance to see good
ball-game free gratis for nothing
What does woman know about a
cold, anyway? Somebody run to
the door an call Gadabout back
Gimme my hat an overcoat, Hammer ;
I must hurry We don't have
morn n time to get there now before
the game begins i"
And exactly sixty seconds later
the complaining sufferer of a few mo-
ments before was nimbly stepping OF
down the street, arm in arm with his
friend Gadabout. apparently as well
as ever. Those free ball-game tick
cts had wrought a most miraculous
and sudden cure. VIII S. Gid2ey.
IN AN article on the injurious ef-
fects of the use of tobacco, the sem
tence said: ''It is fertile cause of
neuralgia, vertigo, and indigestion. y
But the printer set it up: "It is a
fertile caf1ce Of nef1ra1Cia vertigo