davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Birmingham age-herald., 1906-05-13

"Col Fitz Greene Podgers, who come here from Kentucky. used to say about lil<ker takin' holt, that in order to be efficacious, an alcoholic beverage should possess dentinal substances for the mas tication of food, which was dago for say ing that good likker ort to have teeth to it. The Colonel was a gatlin gun of dictionary words; whenever he trailed up on a word about three feet long he lit on to it like a duck on a June bug, and sawed 1t off on the first victim he met up with He scorned one of these yere sawed off short. breech-loadin' rim-fire words, but what he yearned for was the old style octagon barrel. double action, muzzle loadin' long range adjective liable to crip- pie at two hundred yards. There ain't no word of five or six syllables that the Colonel don't pack with him and onhooks on the slightest provocation, rollin' 'em off en his tongue like bricks fallin' off cn a scaffold When he opens fire at short range the dictionary gets an acute attack of backache. Last week he was over on Scra tchankle huntin' cattle and he stopped at cabin to get chunk of fire 10 light his pipe. When the woman come out on the poarch with the chunk she looked at the sky and remarked the craps is needin rain powerful bad 'Yessum,' said the Colonel. beyond peradventure, madam, rain is a most desirable desider- alum That woman didn't do a thing but skipped to the end of the poarch. and ba wled out, mighty excited, o. Mandy! Mandy, Come here quick and when tow -headed gal about sixteen year old, and bare-headed. come surg in up, her maw yelled to her, Run here,
The Birmingham age-herald., 1906-05-13

MT Roarer was tearin' up the groun with his claws and lashn' the brush with bis narrative, this yere Samson. all wrought np' and warm as wolf. prances up in front Of the lion and shook his fist in he face of that deevourin beast Yes. saht shook his bare nuckles right under the nose or the king of animiles This were deh made the lion hot as q hen layin' so he opened his mouth wide to bite that hst, and femme tell yer. busters, right mean, that Samps had fist big e1nuff to dam a branch shaped same as a ham of meat
 When that roarin' quadruped opened his mouth, as l remarked prevously, 1t were then that Commodore H. J. K Sam son seen his duty and he done it. He less grabbed the lion by the tongue with both hands. and then he braced his foot ergin pine stump and pulled like a bay steer Gents, there an't no mistake about Sam son bein' q husky hoy when it come to a dead pull. The lion pulled and Saps pulled That thar pine root held like a porous plaster. and booty soon Samson heard a ding1s crack inside the qladruped and the animile's tongue got to stretchin' ont and elongatin and sorter come Samson's way, and then more of the tongue got to comin' and the lions tail begun to tuck in and shorten, and the more tongue Samson fotch foarth the less tail there was. and directly the whole posse comi- tatus of the Hons narrative come out through his mouth in one long. continuous string Tooby shore, fellers. all them mir akles is dead easy as falln' off'en log when you once git to understandin' Tor
The Birmingham age-herald., 1906-05-13
CHRONICLES OF DON Q.
fcontinued from Previous Paee)


 ders regretfully. well, there Is always the pine tree.'
 You had decreed my death in any case" cried Iapoulo.
 "No." returned Don Q. You shall lh- deed pay as far as your fortune ALLOWS But since I know you cannot dlsehfrge these debts in full, l am about to oHer you another chance of escape. lou VIII cause to be delivered to Robledo all pa pers concerning all the debts owing 10 you. II. This is ruin" Iapoulo stood up op- stinately. T will not do this thing
 You prefer the tree?''
 sYes"
 Bring him out my children. You, Gas par. I perceive have already prepared the hammer and the nails
 Iapoulo was hustled to the entrance. lie stood there d moment, gazing up at the great tree that creaked and swooped aboye him in the gale. The last remnant of defiance went out of the man The love of money died in the struggle with the love of life.
 q will consent. But you are leaving me a beggar
 .Retter a beggar than dead man" ob- .e,,ed Don a. urbanely. T congratulate vou scnor A moment more. and 1t would have heen too late. Now l foresee that vou and I will have merry time burn Ing all those documents that have press
The Birmingham age-herald., 1906-05-13

tors a band of robbers assemblies hldlng their horses behind the rocks. The sweet heart of the robber chief is summoned. The man gets her. after much persuasion' to flag the train, the approach or whlch is nlainly heard The train-a real loco- motive and cars-rols into view ana comes to an abrupt stop. The engineer IS overpowered and bound. He manages 10 loosen his bonds and jumps into the iake to drown He will get used to thls sooh' doing 1t every hour.
 The door of the baggage car IS dyna- mited The wounded express messenger 5 rolled ont and the car and the car rifed. The ma sseneers are ordered out and with "hands up." are searched and robbed.
 The robbers ride away and the tram rolls on New scenes suddenly appear. It is the dance hall in mining town. There is dancing. singing and drinking. The rob beis enter and are amusing themselves when word reaches them that sherin posse is in pursuit. They hastily mount and ride away, and then comes the great scene.
 There is running battle between the sheriff's posse and the robbers all going at full gallop. The chase starts along the tracks around the lake. up over the noun tains. along the winding road that leads right into the audience. reaching the grand climax when the ten robbers plunge, horses and all. into the lake. and are fol- lowed by the sheriff and twenty of his men. also on horseback. Three hundred persons and thirty plunging horses are required for this remarkable realistic spectacle, which Frederick Thompson con
The Birmingham age-herald., 1906-05-13

until only his fore feet tuch terra frma.
 "The method is then reversed and tho hind quarters are allowed to rest on the ground. Daily this training Is used and daily the elephant is made to rely more on his legs than on his swing. This method serves to build up the muscles. It enlarges and hardens them until finally we pronounce them fit, and MT Elephant is made to realize that he must rear upon either his front or hind feet without the aid of the swing.
 "The muscles of the neck and trunk are yet to be deyeloped. For the building up of the neck we instruct the elephant Tn the art of moving wagons by pushing them with his head. heavy pad is fitted about his forehead 10 prevent bruislng the flesh Work of this kind speedily. develops the muscles.
 Then comes lhe work of dealing win the trunk. 1 have numerous dumbbeils of various weights. all fitted with han dies through which the beast can insert his trunk First the animal is asked to pick up q small one. 1 curl his trunk about the handle and lift il with him. Then l gave him q toothsOme carrot or bit of bread The reward Is remembered, and shortly the elephant will pick up the dttmbbell al command. and will then look abount with his twinkling little eyes for the bread or carrots.
 ..Ueavier objects are substituted day by day. and soon we have the satisfaction or seeing the trunk grow from a mere 1abby piece of skin into an arm. as il were. as knotty and well-museled as that of q Samson"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1906-05-13

to manufacture likker; the best bluff they could make at it was to tinker up some sweet wine, which, with the copper-bot- toned stomachs them outcasts had re- qured a whole railroad tank full to make a citizen feel gaily Lawd, son. If old Nick Blackburn could have lived in Rome for jess six weeks, with his sixty gallon still, what he used to use over on Harrikin; he shore would CT made Rome howl. and that's no joke" and becoming thirsty at the bare idea of the possibilities involved in his thought, Uncle Bunk Goggins re- paired to an inner room, and returned with a jug and a tumbler. which last he filled to the brim, drank himself, and then passed it to his friend with the remark: That likker shorely haint gone off in no trance it's about the most fetchin pota- tion you will surround in all these hills. After three drinks of that barn of Gilyid a child could eat out 'en your hand. Re- minds me of the drink that Rufe Rayfield took over in Jenkins drug store; there was a glass of muratic acid settin on a shelf and that sot Rufe was roamin that druggery huntin' some'pin to drink. when his eve fell on the muratic he grabbed It up. mighty peart. and swallowed II down while Jenlxs wasn't lookin, and was settin' the glass down when the chemist observed his elbow crookn. Whats that you been doin'" says Jenks to Rufe. oh, nuthin', answers Rayfield; jess drinkin little toddy what was in that glass. .G-e-r-r-eat Goohosyfat,' says Jenks. Why man. you've quaffed a half pint of muriatic acldr Well drawled that drunkard, Rufe, rubin his stomach and yawnin',' T sorter thort she was leetle sarchn' as she went down.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1906-05-13
MOONSE1INE IN ALABAMA

Mandy, and git a look at him before ne gifts out'en sight He shore must be one of them exhausters we been hearin about, or maybe the slidin elder. Gee! he cer- tingly is a cur osity. He don't look like he had ernuff sense to mash tater-DuSsi and wit he has jess spit out CT word as long as from here to the hawg-pen, and from the looks of his face he is holdin
 on to anuther one, in his innards. bigger'n q house and likely to let it come any tlme
 Mandy, do he pear to you to be one Of them perfessers that had CT fit at the still-house two year ago?' Old Spodgers gloated over this admiration like it was peppermint candy, and for weeks he scat tered long-legged adjectives over a ten acre lot, sorter as verbal gun practice
 .For Kaintucky man the Colonel knowed a amaZin lot of scripter He could stand flat-footed and quote the Good Book by chapter, verse and page from Genesis to Hezekiah, without makln
 a bobble It shore was verbal treat to hear him harangue his Sunday school class of ten or fifteen of the toughest vads that Peckerwood beat could pro- drce At fust when he organized that class and got volunteers them malignunt urehins regyarded the exercises as sort of gaily occashun. and felt booty colty and onfettered to the extent of misbehav
 in scandalus during the solemnities of one of Colonel Fitz Greene Podgers' ex- bortations: but Fitzey jess fell on that felon jaw and claw, drug him out en the cabin where the obsequies was bein' con- ducted and thrashed him in CT inch Of his life. This yere chastisement sorter assuaged any more wicked cheerfulness on the part of Peckerwoods youth and
The Birmingham age-herald., 1906-05-13

<ITHEM old Romans was plumb
 damned with hustle and grit
 likewise they had some soshu customs which command my approba- tion," said Professor Goggins. Let one one of these yearei seven -hilled ducks git a few toddies aboard, and he'd go squtter- in down off'en the Capotoline hill in search of gore, and the fust Roman citi- zen he met he'd latch on to him and go to smashin' up furniture an fiXin's with him. Been readin some Romun his'try, lately, relatn' how them gents would wade into a riot and butcher enough men to hold a primary, and then go home and play mumble-de-peg peacefully week. l don't set so much store, jedging from their pcters, of the nobul Roman danes. Their lectures is plumb fierce, and in their set heroic faces they totes a capacity for trouble ekal to bald hornets nest in q hole in the ground In our day most of those gladiatorial ducks after tryin' on d few of their high jinks would have in- Tested the calaboose booty reverent. It jess simply took a lot of sand, axle grease, and fust class Bowie knife, for n man to stand deuce high in the Eternal City,
 "But they had their hardshps like all new and recent countries, the greatest of which was the fact that kind Provi- flence had denied 'em the inestimable boon of moonshine whisky. Them ignunt sots didn't have the least idee of knowin' how
The Birmingham age-herald., 1906-05-13
Costly New Sherman House.

From the Chicago Tribune.
 new Sherman house, to cost 1a4 mill lion dollars, to occupy the site of the present building at the northwest corner of Clark and Randolph streets, was made a certainty Wednesday by the closing of ninety mine years lease of the ground. Joseph Beifeld. who now conducts the ho- tel under twenty years lease, is also the new lessee, and the transaction marks the continuation of extended negotiations.
 The lease provides for d graded annual rent as follows: Fifty-five thousand dol lars for the first two years, s60000 for the succeeding eleven years. s6i.000 for the next ten years, sG6.O10 for the follow ing ten years. and s69.0oO for the remain ing sixty-siX years of the term
 The building will have frontage of is0 feet on Randolph street and l@ feet on Clark street win be sixteen stories high, and of the highest type Of tireproof con -trIetiou
The Birmingham age-herald., 1906-05-13

closely drawn. At dinner party the wife of the governor preceded the wife of the military commandant who, Tn turn, queened it over the wife Of the gunboat, who looked down upon the wife of the magistrate, and so on. The women smoked cigarettes and gambled at bridge, while every man who had won a medal at a shooting match pin ned it on his coat when he went to a ball. It was a third-rate copy of court life, but these small dignitaries went through the motions and got a lot of fun out of it in one way and another. If we cannot afford social position that is real ivory the next best thing is to get one that is celluloid. It had all the intricate vices of true nobili- ty without the bona fide titles to back them up and give the glamour.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1906-05-13

siders the greatest novelty in scenic con struction he has ever attempted.
 Yet perhaps, more personally thrilling will be the cascade. located only stone throw away. From the top of lofty Idas- ter Alps visitors can embark in boats which will travel at terrific speed around the mountains, finally shooting down the cascades into the pool 150 feet below the starting point This new longest ride of the island" is a combination of the scenic railway and the shoot the chutes,' with the thrills of both.
 floral pyramid, extensive Babylonian gardens and an animal show along novel lines are also under way in Luna Park. Across Surf avenue new Pikes Peak railway is ready for visitors. and Dream land promises several novelties. The Johnstown flood has given way to "The Deluge," and an airship Illusion will soon be opened. in which spectators will be all but convinced that they are being carried high over New York in balloon.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1906-05-13

capital of a runt of an insland having no commercial or other importance. No matter where an island may be dropped down, some nation must grab it and hold it for fear that some other nation will take charge of it and pay the expenses. That is why Gallivaneia had a governor general and colonel in command, and the Right Honorable Skipper of the gunboat and a judge and a cluster of foreign consuls. The men had a club at which whisky and
 water could be obtained, unless the bottle happened to be empty. The women exchanged calls and gave for nal dinners and drove about in rick ety little victorias with terrified na- tives in livery perched upon the box.
 The lines of social precedence were
The Birmingham age-herald., 1906-05-13

Into this nest of pretentiOus cere- monious. strutting lilde mortals came "Old Man" Willoughby and Ma" Will oughby of Michigan. Of the outward form and artifieialities of a European jed aristocratic society they were most profoundly ignorant. Mr. Will loughby did not even own a dress suit" When he got clean shave and put on a string tie and backed into a Prince Albert" coat he felt that he had made a very large concession to the mere f~pperies of life. And Ma" had her own ideas about low-necked gowns!
 Can you see Mir. and Mrs. Willough- by in Gallivancia? Can you understand what must have been the attitude of |. csc gold-braid pewees toward an old.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1906-05-13

fashioned apple pie couple from one tall timber?
 Mind you, 1 am not pol1ing fun at lne Willoughbys. In the opinion of every real American a man of the Will loughby type is worth a ten-acre lot full of these two-by-four titles. The Willoughbys were good people-the kind of people one likes to meet in Michigan. But when the ladies of the foreign colony came to call on Ma and said "Dyuh mel" and looked at her through their lorgnettes, she was like a staid old Plymouth Rock hen wno suddenly finds herself among the ,.,rds of paradise. She told MT. Will loughby that it was the queerest lot of "women folks" she had ever seen, and although she didn't like to talk
The Birmingham age-herald., 1906-05-13

aDout people until she knew her ground, some of them did not seem any more respectable than the law allowed. Poor Mrs. Willoughbyi She did not know it was good form for a woman to smoke and drink. but bad form for her to be interested in her husband. She tried to apply a Michigan training to Gallivancia conditions, and the two didn't seem to jibe.
 If Mrs Willoughby amused the women MT. Willoughby more than amused the men. He upset them and left them gasping.
 The Acting Consul had used small office adjoining his own place of busi- ness on the water front MT. Wii- loughby called on the former consul
The Birmingham age-herald., 1906-05-13

and found him to be a dignified Brit isher of the gloomy and reticent sort, with mustache shaped like horse- shoe. The dethroned official was courteous, but not cordial. He was saying goodbye to some easy money, and the situation was not one cal culated to promote good cheer. Mrs. Willoughby's action in coming down and pulling the Consulate from under him seemed to him almost unfriendly. However, he formally turned over to MT. Willoughby a table, four chairs, several account books and letter. press, all being the property of the United States of America.
 Mr. Willoughby had rented a house on the hill overlooking the town and decided to plant the Consulate in the front room of his residence. lnasmucn
The Birmingham age-herald., 1906-05-13

IT N undertaking trip 10 Iofelgn
 parts I have had two objects
 in view:
 (a) To strengthen and more closely cement our friendly relations with for eign powers-I to furnish the cement.
 (b) To reform things in general over here.
 found that there was no opening for a real reformer in the U. S. A., inasmuch as the magazines were up- setting municipal rings, cornering the beef trust and camping on the trail of every corporation that seemed to be making money. 1 said: If I wish to make a ten strike as reformer 1 must seek new fields
 So I decided to fit through Europe and spend all the time I could spare from lodging table d'hote dinners to bolstering up and regulating the con. sular service.
 In writing today about the happy experiences of an American consul I am followingg the advice of a friend who urged me to send some letters back home.
 Don't put in too much about your travels" he said. People have read about European travel until they know Munich better than they do Montana. Whenever the opportunity presents itself write something entirely irrel- evant-something that has nothing to do with anything particular. The less you say about foreign countries the better you will please your readers, and if you can arrange to write a se- ries of letters in which no reference is made to either Europe or Africa who knows but what you will score a hit?"
 With no desire to boast of my ac complishments, I feel that up to date have followed instructions rather closely. If any dates, statistics or useful information have crept into these communications it is through oversight and not by intention.
 In writing from Paris the natural impulse is to describe Napoleon's tomb and tell how the Champs Elysees runs right out to the Arc de Triomphe and then cuts through the Bois de Boulogne. Fearing that this subject matter has been touched upon by oth CT visitors, I shall disregard Paris and go straight to my task of reforming the consular service.
 To begin with, usually the Ameri can consul is all right in his place, but his place is at home. Overpaid, possibly. but he does his best to earn his $500 per annum. If he kept all the money that he handled in the course of a year he couldn't be real 1y successful grafter He finds him. self bumped down in a strange coun- try. About the time that he begins to learn the language and has saved up enough money to buy evening clothes he is recalled and goes back home with dress suit" on his hands. Take the case of MT. Eben Willoughby of Michigan. It is a simple narrative, but it will give you a line on the short comings of our consular service, and it will carry its own moral
 "Old Man" Willoughby as he was known at home, owned and edited a successful daily paper on the outskirts of the Michigan pine belt. He was a wheel horse in the party and for forty years had supported the caucus nomi- nees The aspiring politician who wished to go to Congress had to go and see Willoughby with his hat in his hand He helped to make and un- make United States senators and was consulted regarding appointments. But
The Birmingham age-herald., 1906-05-13
Merely Preliminary.
l the Chleago Trlbune.

From the Chicago Tribune.
 Jack. the Giant Killer. having been cor nered by the reporters, was giving the particulars of his exploits.
 ..Still. that's nothing to boast of, boys he said. modestly. as he finished the story ..Pm only practicing on these chaps Some day I hope to tackle much more ambitious job in the guse of pitcher that shall he able to humble the pride of Mct;raws New York Giants"
 Thus far. however, he hasn't turned up
The Birmingham age-herald., 1906-05-13
Did His Best.

From the Chicago Tribune.
 Goodman Gonrung. who was lounsinS in the corner grocery. offered to eat four dozen raw eggs at one sitting 1T anybody in the crowd would pay for them, and the man with the ingrnwlng chin took nm np'
 He started in bravelS, but gave up when he had eaten twelve.
 '.Yon'll only have to pay for one dozen. mister he said slipping out of the front door and disappearing around the corner.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1906-05-13

ed so heavily on the poor. Or. stay; bet ter still The season verges toward the New Year, and with your help, Senor lap oulo. we will. by sending back these pa pers, put ray of ligat int/ many of the homes of our good and kindly peasants"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1906-05-13
The Story of What III a ppe m e d to a m American Consul

n N undertaking a trip to foreign parts I have had two objects
 in view:
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1906-02-06
City II eMs
TWENTY. FIVE IRESPASS ]
SUITS ARE ORDERED

Twenty-Five trespass suits will be
started at once by Attorney. General
Young, under instructions received at.
special meeting of the state timber
board yesterday afternoon.
The suits are brought upon disclos-
ures from Hubbard county investi-
gated at Park Rapids by G. s. Jelley,
as already told. in The Journal.
Mr.. Jelley presented the evidence to
the board. which he secured, and on
that evidence the suits were ordered.
They will be brought at once, as the
statute Of limitations will RUM against
most Of the cases if allowed to 90 past
April |.
Bonness & Howe Of Minneapolis will
be defendants in nearly all the cases..
The cutting was done. by various small
contractors, but the evidence in hand
shows that it was done under contract
for Bonness & Howe, and in several
cases they made partial settlement
with the state Some good sections
have been cleaned of their best tim
Der, but the records Of the auditor IS
office show them covered with good
stand Of pine In one case Bonness &
Howe cut without a permit and settled
for 9S,O5O feet. Now one settler tes-
titles that he cut 100000 feet from
the section under contract for Bon
ness & Howe, and another testifes that
he hauled the same amount off the sec
ton.