davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Colorado statesman., 1906-06-16
BITS FOR BACHELORS.

Many men think themselves self
made who are really marriage made.
The man who avoids matrimony on
account of the cares of welded life
rivals the wiseacre who secured him
self against corns by having his legs
amputated
Don't marry for beauty alone. Soc
rates called beauty "a short-lived tyr
amy" and Theophrastus pronounced
it "a silent cheat" The man who
marries for beauty alone is as silly
as the man who would buy house be-
cause it had fine flowers in the front
garden.
1t is in life as It is with kite; 1t
will not fly very high until 1t has a
string tying 1t down. And so the man
who is tied down by half q. dozen re-
sponsibilities and their mother will
make a higher and stronger fight than
the bachelor who, having nothing to
keep him steady, is always fioundering
in the mud.
The Colorado statesman., 1906-06-16
Just What You Want.

The most complete Lithographic
Map (Size 32x35) of that part of the
Wind River or Shoshone Inoian Reser-
walton in Wyoming to be opened for
settlement. Compiled under direction
of John T. Wertz, Former United
States Special Allotting Agent for this
decentralization U. S. Govt Surveys
showing Townships, Fractional Town
ships, Sections, Lots, Mountains,
Rivers, Creeks and Streams, Allot-
ments to Indians, Proposed Railroads,
Proposed Irrigation bitches, Wagon
Roads, Trails, Fords, Ferries, Bridges,
Big Horn, Hot Springs, Military Post,
Agency, and principal towns near
Reservation. Every Homeseeker,
Prospector and Engineer should have
this map, as with it he can make his
own selection Of land, and know just
where he is at. The above maps can
be secured of S. D. Childs & Company,
200 Clark Street, Chicago, ILL.,, at rate
of s1.00 each.
NOTE.-For information as to char
acter of land apply to John T. Wertz,
Lander or Shoshone, Wyoming.
The Colorado statesman., 1906-06-16
DIAMOND DEALERS MISTAKE
One of His Own Gems, But He
Failed to Recognize tho
Sparkler.

"Will you please examine this dia-
mond," said man who had stepped
into a jewelers. shop, "and tell me
what you think of it? If it is good
stone, l think l will buy it,
The jeweler took the gem, which
was unset, and looked at it critically
for e moment. Then in confidential
tone he said:
We'll, to tell you the truth, that
isn't very good stone. 1t hasn't much
fire, it is badly cut, and there is some
thing here very much like a flaw"
Then he held the diamond under a mi
croscope and examined it carefully,
finally observing: mo, it isn't exactly
a flaw, but l shouldn't call it per-
pect stone. Now, if you want some
thing really fine. here"
Excuse me- the other man inter-
rupted. 81 don't think I'll buy dia-
mon6 to-day. This is diamond that
one of your assistants let me take Sat
uTday on approval. l deposited $40 on
it. Please let me have my money,
and we will declare the deal off,
The Colorado statesman., 1906-06-16

overexerted myself in the least degree.
At times l was weighed down with
feeling of languor and depression and
suffered continually from annoying ir-
regularities of the kidney secretions.
l procured a box of Doans Kidney
Pills and began using them. 1 found
prompt relief from the aching and
lameness in my back, and by the time
1 had taken three boxes / was cured
of all Irregularities"
Sold by all dealers; SO cents box.
Foster-Milburn Co., Buffalo, N. Y.
The Colorado statesman., 1906-06-16
ODD EATING CUSTOMS.

Prazilians never eat when they
drink, nor drink when they eat; and
the Tartars continually persist in pull
Ing guest by the ear until he drinks.
Maldive islanders retire to the dark
est part of the houses and hang cur
tains about them, so that none of
their fellowmen may see them at their
meal.
When they desire to show mark
of great esteem, the negroes of Ardra
drink from the same cup at the same
time, and the King of Loango used
to eat and drink in two separate
houses.
The Philippine islander will not eat
a meal alone. Whenever a Filipino
finds himself without a companion
with whom to share his meal, he will
abstain from eating until he has
found one.
A strange custom prevails in Kam-
chtaka, where man who wishes to
entertain guest invites him into
cabin, which is heated to an excessive
temperature, and then presses him
with food until he is in state of tor
por. Instances of men dying at these
orgies have been known.
The Tahitians, though a naturally
sociable race, dine separately. Even
the man and his wife do not eat to-
gehter. Each member of the family
has his own food-basket. They take
their places about five yards apart,
and then, turning their backs to each
other, dine amid profound silence.
The Colorado statesman., 1906-06-16
DIETARY DICTA.

Dinner should be of lighter nature
in summer than in winter.
A quart of wheat contains more nu-
triment than bushel of cucumbers.
There is happy mean between eat
ing everything and being squeamish.
Two pounds of potatoes contain as
much nutriment as 13 pounds of
turnips.
Light soups, light desserts and light
meals should have the preference in
warm weather.
Vegetables and fruits are to be used
most generously at that season of the
year in which they naturally mature.
Beginning the dinner with soup is
the very best way to get the whole
system in condition for assimilating
Q hearty meal.
The Colorado statesman., 1906-06-16
Leaving a Card.

But, surely you are the man 1 gave
some pie to a fortnight ago." Yes,
lidy; l thought p'r'aps you'd like to
know I'm able to get about again.
Tatler
The Colorado statesman., 1906-06-16

N. Y, writes:
Seven years ago
/ was suffering very
much through the
failure of the kid
neys to eliminate
the uric acid from
my system. My
back was very lame
and ached If I
The Colorado statesman., 1906-06-16
Champion Woman Bali Throwor.

Miss Margery Belle of the Univer>
sity of Chicago high school recently
threw regulation baseball 204 feet
inches, which breaks the worlds rec
ord for throw by woman by sia
feet, two inches. The record was for
merly held by woman student at
Smith college. Miss Belle is the cham
pion woman athlete in her school and
throws a ball like man, with full
sweep OF the arm.
The Colorado statesman., 1906-06-16

Opportunity comes to every man,
hit Generally when it does he is too
busy earning bread and butter for his
family to be able to take it.
The Colorado statesman., 1906-06-16
flows This ?

We offer One Hundred Dollars Reward for any
case of Catarrh that cannot be cured by Halrs
Catarrh Cure. ,,,~- m
We, the undersigned, have known F. j. Cheney
for the last Is years and believe him perfectly hon
ornble in al business transactions and financially
able 10 carry any obligations made by his firm.
WALDISG. KISsAS q MARVIN,
Wholesale Druggists, Toledo, o.
Halls Catarrh Cure is taken internally, acting
directly upon the blood and mucous surfaces of the
system Testimonials sent free. Price IS cents per
bottle. Sold by all Druggists.
Take Halls Family Pills for constipation.
The Colorado statesman., 1906-06-16
SEVEN YEARS AGO

a Rochester Chemist Found a Singu,
larly Effective Medicine.
9 William A. Franklin, of the Frank
in & Palmer Chemical Co.. Rochester
The Colorado statesman., 1906-06-16

The girl who waits for a man to
come along and make love to her after
the manner of a novel hero will remain
single to the end of the chapter.
The Colorado statesman., 1906-06-16

There is no man who does not pri-
vately imagine that the law was not
made by him.
The Colorado statesman., 1906-06-16

Mrs. Winsiow's Soothing Syrup.
For children teethng softens the gums reduces In
nammation allays pain. wind collie. 25c bottle
The Colorado statesman., 1906-06-16

How can marry that man? 1 ab-
hor, despise, abominate him!" There,
there, dear! You can tell him all that
after you've married him!"
The Colorado statesman., 1906-06-16
Asthma Cured

Speedy relief and permanent cure Of Asth-
Asthma Cure. Money positively refunded II
pot beneficial. For information call or ad-
dress Suite 204. 900 Seventeenth Street.
Denver, Colo. References given.
The Colorado statesman., 1906-06-16

It isn't always the coat that makes
the man-sometimes it's tie padding.
The Colorado statesman., 1906-06-16

Enthusiasm won't carry you very
far without backing.
The Colorado statesman., 1906-06-16

ASIA CIGARS.
Will not make you nervous. Ask your dealer or Tho
NJ Hyman Cigar Co. $40 18th Street, Denver
The sun. (Jacksonville, Fla.) 1905-1908, 1906-03-24

table and leans over with all the grace
peculiar to a soft shell crab.
"Hello, John Henry!" says Able.
I bow and give him a Klondike grin,
but he ducks and comes up happy.
"Eatin'?" inquiries Able.
"No, Abie," answers, just to put
him wise to the fact that swift walk
away would do us all good. "No; we're
not eating. We just dropped in to play
few hands of bridge whist with the
waiter, and he's gone to get a deck of
cards. We never come into restaurant
to eat. Usually we drop in during the
rush hours and help the proprietor peel
the oysters. On this occasion, however,
we're out for a dickens of spree, so
we've decided to play bridge with the
waiter"
"Quit your joshin', John Henry" says
Able; "you're getting to be worse kid
der than Bill MCCONNELL"
Then Able pushes lovely smile over
in the direction of my lady friend, but
it doesn't land because she's busy be.
hind the bill of fare.
After a while Able notices that it's up
to him to fondle fierce frost, so he
backs out.
The sun. (Jacksonville, Fla.) 1905-1908, 1906-03-24

his life and watching my lady friend to
see If she enjoys light literature.
ooh, yes" says Mcclure, 81 do so
love the stage. I've been playing the
Provinces for eighteen weeks at lIotspur.
the Boy Hero, in Ben Hur, and / was the
hit of the show!"
Wouldn't that upset your box office!
Him the hit of the show!
Why, II applause was selling for two
cents ton his ability couldn't get
handful.
Two to one he was out doing the po-
tato plantations with No. 3 Unc. Toms
Cam. Co.
About all that guy could mix with is
u parcel of Uncle Tommers.
Finally, after writing about four chap.
ters and getting his life lines crossed
The sun. (Jacksonville, Fla.) 1905-1908, 1906-03-24

with George Washington, Nanny Friend,
John Mccullough and Tod Sloan, he DO.
gins to notice that the wind Is blowing
chill across the wild moor, 40 he signals
the conductor and hops off the wagon.
"Who was thatY" inquiries my lady
friend, az Mcclure ambles back TO his
own table.
"That," l says; ooh! that was the
Earl of Yarmouth"
Clara Jane handed me a swift glance,
then she patted her hat-pins and grabbed
her gloves.
"Come along John Henry!" says she.
king Edward will be here in minute,
and after what I've read about him /
don't think | care to meet him. Let's
20 home"
She wins in a whisper.
It'll take three weeks to square myself.
Hereafter, me TO Dennetts Me to
the stack o wheats symposium where the
rest of the entries stick to their stalls.
Where the outside conversation is con.
fined to "Draw one!' and "Boil two,
meejum!"
No more swell Sandwich Salons for
me, where the grafters want to butt in
all the while.
Oh! scold me! scOld me!
The sun. (Jacksonville, Fla.) 1905-1908, 1906-03-24

The prospect is for a lively fight, as John B.
DELL former Representative, will attempt to take
ND the toga that has dropped from McCreary, and
the friends of Major w. r. Thomas will try to throw
it over the latter's form.
Major Thomas has served in the Senate, but at
that time it was stated that he did not permit his
Senatorial duties to interfere with private business
and he was the subject of much harsh comment both
in prose and verse; for being caled" to Tampa when
the bill to provide Railroad Commission was before
the Senate and remaining away until after the bill
was defeated
In a card in which friends announce his candi-
dacy he is said to be against corporations and
trusts" and for the common people" in every way.
He is also to pose as champion Of the Buchanan law.
The sun. (Jacksonville, Fla.) 1905-1908, 1906-03-24
IN THE HAND PAINTED BEANERY.

Of course if fellow has a lady friend
that's dead swell locker he's always
anxious to grab her by tho elbow and
lead her in among the rest of the prom
enaders.
Pm out to wager two or more seven
dollar bills that when it comes TO face
and form my lady friend has the rest
of the bunch looking like the wall.how-
ers at Choctaw cotillion.
She's the only mirror on the mantle
piece-believe me!
took her down the lane to one of
those swell grub stations the other night,
and since then every time l think about
it I feel like getting up and ordering
myself out of the room.
Oh! scold me! scold me!
But I had to do it.
When fellow is out buying his lady
friend a pleasant evening and he runs
into lot of low-foreheads he has to back
up-that's all there is to it.
1t goes against the grain to stand up
and introduce my lady friend to every
laborer in the four-fush vineyard who
trails up to the table and gives me a
glad look.
1t does indeed.
Being somewhat of money hater my
self, of course I'm wise to enough pikers
to fill a ploughed field
just as sure as I stride into a fancy
feed-store with nothing on my mind but
a desire to act like gentleman and buy
hot cookies for the Best and Only I'm
doomed to meet bunch of sawdust
sports who want to leave their own
tables and associate with me.
Of course they only do it just because
they have elastic in their necks.
They expect an introduction to the
Beautiful Girl, and after getting it
they've figured it out to hand her a line
of conversation that will charm her to
a standstill and make the Man she's
With look like dried apple.
And every mothers son of them talks
like he'd been struck in the grammar
by ferryboat.
Anyway, took my lady friend to a
sumptuous soup-house the other evening
for dinner. I've just ordered four-dol-
lars worth off the card and we're sitting
there in the hand-painted beanery chat
ting pleasantly and waiting for the
longshoreman to journey back with the
oysters.
Up to our table comes Able Sluice-
berger.
Able has a great pull all along the
line because the picture of an uncle of
his hung in the Hall of Fame for nearly
an hour before the janitor got on to it
and threw it out.
Able puts a hand on each corner of the
The sun. (Jacksonville, Fla.) 1905-1908, 1906-03-24
Shaking the
Old Plum Tree
CONTINUED from Preceding Page,

CONTINUED from Preceding Tagel
of this county, and at present is serving President
of the City Council of Jacksonville
Mr.. Gillen has been Tax Collector of Duval, and
his last political experience unsuccessful at
tempt to be elected Sheriff.
Senator McCreary of Alachua who announced his
candidacy for reelection, has withdrawn. The reason
given is that private business demands attention,
rather sudden discovery, in view of the fact that
but two weeks had elapsed since making his announce
ment.
The sun. (Jacksonville, Fla.) 1905-1908, 1906-03-24

Koenigsberg.-A newspaper man just returned
from a trip through East Prussia claims to have
overheard the following conversation between n
baronial land owner of that district and a chanc"
acquaintance in a railway carriage
ave Prussian magnates don't believe in the mod.
ern about bringing up children like booded
foas and FLIES, worth their weight in gold il they
live. We generally deposit babies in the pig sly,
where there is plenty Of food. After few months
we investigate. Those that have hair on their
head are sent TO the military school; those with
hriStles are placed in the forest"
The sun. (Jacksonville, Fla.) 1905-1908, 1906-03-24
THE SUN
On the level, now, can hei

On the level, now, can hei
1t was my cue to make Big Play.
I had to get gabby and make Clara
Jane believe associated only with Tor
rid Tamales.
And did l?
Oh! ask me easy just to tease me!
"Who! thatY" says, after fished for
few French.fried potatoes; "why. that's
Lord Hope"
My lady friend dropped her knife and
fork and gave me the startled gaze.
never whimpered,
Oh, scold me; scold me!
lord Hope!" says she, "Why, John
Henry, you never told me you knew Lord
Hope!"
didn't II" | says; "my! my! how
thoughtless! Well, that's His Lordship
all right, all right"
Clara Jane thought while and !
carved my initials on silver of celery.
But you called MIN Abie!" says she,
after pause.
"Sure thingl" l says; what elseS
Want me to call him Nose or Rosey or
Meyer or Ikey? He's not Irish"
81 can't imagine an English nobleman
being called Able" says my lady friend,
for she's first-rate Believer by ma
ture, but Doubter when the dice roll
heavy.
was beginning to feel just about as
happy as n hardlboiled egg, but | was
in up to my neck and couldn't holler
for help.
"Englishmen have queer names, espe-
cially noblemen. Say! won't You have
a charlotte russo or an apple fritter3
it'll do you good" l says, hoping to
swing the conversation close enough tn
the shore so that l could jump Oft and
take to the timber.
But she wouldn't let go.
cable! Able" says my lady friend to
herself; cable Hope! that sounds queer
You must know him pretty well to call
him Adler" .
ooh, yes; we went to school together"
I says; wouldn't you like to bite into
portion of pie just by the way OF no
harmW
"Why, John Henry!" said Clara Jane
giving me the CLASSY glare; "and you've
always told me you went to school In
Communipaw!"
MY finish was ringing the door bell
Just then Mike Mcclure strolled into
the neighborhood and wanted to hant
up his hat on my hook.
Mike Is another Lad with Feeble
Forehead, and when he's not pounding
the pave in front of Booze Bazaar hc'i
acting as second assistant engineer in q
pool room.
Once in a while Mike breaks into q
theater and tries to act till some ont
catches him with the goods. Then h
apologies, backs out of his harness nnC
is up and away to the swamps.
"Good EVENING"" says Mike, PUSHING
out the familiar fist.
I'm right back at him with short
arm nod of recognition. and in minute
Pm busy with my beans.
"Feedin', | see!" says Mike, wishin;
to show my lady friend that his power
of observation are strictly homemade.
gave him look that figured woul'
comb his hair, but he's out TO make {
deep impression on Clara Jane, 30 IN.
naughty expression didn't finish one
two, three.
Before | can get back from the break
away find him reciting the sad story o
------------------
The sun. (Jacksonville, Fla.) 1905-1908, 1906-03-24

"Who's your friend?" inquiries Clara
Jane, after Able had moseyed away.
Now, you know, fellow can't confess
to the Original Package of Sweetness
that he's entered in the same race with
a lot of SO goats.
The sun. (Jacksonville, Fla.) 1905-1908, 1906-03-24

Whether the past OF Major Thomas has been for
given will be answered by the result OF the primary
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1906-08-19
MUFFLED OARLOOKS
ON POACHERS' BOATS
Evidence Of Efforts to Evade American
Authorities Found Against Japanese
Sealers-Prison May Plead Guilty.

Washington, Aug. 1s.-A pair Of surf
boat oarlocks was received today by
Acting Secretary of Commerce and La
Dor Murray. The oarlocks were taken
from a boat used by the Japanese
poachers who were recently captured on
St. Paul island, Of the Pribyloff group,
while in the act Of killing American
seals.
AS an indication Of the desire of the
Japanese poachers to maintain the Sc
crecv of their expedition to the island,
the locks were carefully muffed. They
were wrapped with plated Irvine which
afterward had been CREASED. Such oar
locks in use would not give forth a
particle Of noise.
In addition to the muffed oarlocks,
five boats, more than hundred seal
skins and seal-skinning apparatus
were captured with the poachers.
It is expected that the poachers, when
arraigned before the Alaskan courts
redhanded. Solicitor of Commerce and I'd
Labor Sims, who reported the case to
the government, will present complete
written report of the Japanese poach.
ing incident, in which five Japanese
were killed.
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1906-08-19
THREE WORDS OMITTED:
ALL DIVORCES INVALID?
without Just cause,' Left Out Of
Iowa DEGREES May Invalidate All De-
sertion Divorces in That state,.s
Special to The Journa

Special to The Journal.
Des BONES, Iowa, Aug. 1s.-Upon the
possible omission in a divorce petition
Of three little words, ''without lust
cause depends the validity of every
divorce granted upon the grounds Of de-
sertion in the state of Iowa, if the con-
tentlon raised by attorneys for John
j: Draper, a wealthy retired farmer, re-
siding, in the southern part of the state,
is sustained.
The attorneys contend that every pe-
t1tion for divorce on the grounds Of de-
sertion must show that the plaintiff
was deserted "without Just cause. -
and if. these words are omitted the
judge is without jurisdiction and the
decree is invalid. Investigation Of d.
v,orce petitions in this state will show
that very few Of them contain the
words mentioned, and if the court
should hold that the contention of the
attorneys is correct, Iowa will see a
stirring up in divorce circles which will
surpass that which recently followed a
decision Of the United States supreme
court on the divorce where service is
by publication on party outside the
state.
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1906-08-19
|!TRAGIO DEATH TURNS . .
s'~sa LIGHT ON A ROMANCE,
Des Moines Man Espoused a Second
Wife at Behest Of His First One as
She Was Dying.

Special to The Journal. .
Des Moines, Iowa, Aug. 18.-The
tragic death Of J. W. Brown, manager of
a produce company, has brought to light
a series of romantic Incidents and dis
closed the marriage of Brown to his
stenographer and bookkeeper in Mime
apolis, last November, one month after
the death of his first wife,.
Brown g dead body was discovered in
the bathroom Of his house. His head
was swathed in towels and rubber
tube ran from his mouth to the gas Jet
on the wall. The corpse was discovered
by his second wife, who formerly was
Miss Sarah Lister.
Miss Lister had been for years en-
ployed by Brown as stenographer and
bookkeeper. When his first wife died
last October, as she lay on her deathbed
she exaSted promise from her husband
that he would marry Miss Iister, who
long had been a. friend of the family.
It was the desire of the dying woman
that. her little daughter night have the
! care of woman whom she knew would
be loving. and tender. The promise was
made and kept within a month, Brown
| and Miss Lister going to Minneapolis,
where they were married.
| The marriage had been kept pro-
found secret, however, and was only
disclosed by the tragic death of the
\ husband. 49,.
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1906-08-19
DEATH OF LADY CURZON
KILLED MRS. CRAIGIE?
Special Cable to The Journal.

Special Gable to The Journal. 49,. - -.
London, Aug. 1s.-To her very inti-
mate friends, the death Of Mrs. Craigie
did not come with such great surprise
as to the world at large. It was not
generally known that she was greatly
affected by the death Of Lady Curzon,
Of whom she was devotedly fond. At
ter that sad event Mrs. Craigie seemed
to change. Those who knew her will
loss Of her dearest friend on earth.
During Lady Curzon 3 first illness
Mrs. Craigie was almost distracted with
grief. She did not know Lady Curzon
was SO i'll on the last fatal occasion,
and, not being able to say godby,
preyed. upon her mind. This, if not the
actual cause Of death, at least did much
toward weakening : constitution not
overHtrong.