Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1906-03-14
Age Retirements.
70 the Editor of The Star:

TO the Editor of The Star:
It was announced the other day that the
executive committee Of the Civil Service
Retirement Association would on the 9TH
instant be ready 10 submit two retirement
bills Since then nothing has been heard of
the committee: and the fear is that, ap-
paIled by the magnitude of its task, or
seized with panic it has abandoned the
feld As an old government clerk-the old
est In point of continuous service, unless
there be one who has seen fifty-nine years
I venture to present draft of BILL for
consideration by the association. The hrst
question for the association 10 settle Is the
question. How can 1t bring any measure
before Congress?
The President of the United States has
forbidden the association to attempt TO IN
fiuence any legislation by Congress, save
through the heads of the departments. Now,
without presumins in the least TO caution
the associa ton as to what 1t must not do,
or to inform Ii as to what with proprtety II
may do. it is merely suggested here to bear
in mind that Congress can be reached only
by q flank movement through the executive
departments. With the proposed bill the
following brief statement is also submitted:
The association has long been gathering
actuaries tables. reports from railroads and
other corporal tons concerning retirementS
for age &c. and must now have at least a
ton OF Observation-Disclosures enough to de-
light the soul OF a Nelson Dingley, who
''reveled IN statistics. Statistics, the asSo-
cations chief ammunitiOni where the
pig guns for all this ammunition? Nearly
all great guns have pet names. Up there
on Capitol Hin are scores of big guns of
various calibers one of them of great cali
Der and with pet name, too Everybody
knows Uncle joe" that great cannon.
which is 50 planted TO command the
House of Representatives. Uncle Joe" will
pardon our too great familiarity but that's
the name given him by his admirers and all
of us claim relationship whenever we see
his picture in the papers! The House being
the associations objective point of attack
it must first capture Uncle joe" Now Is
the most propltious time to advance upon
him, while he is wreathed In smiles of Joy
and security and enveloped in the smoke
of that 1S-inch Havana; load him up with
q ton or two of statistics, bring him over to
our side. and the victory is oursi For when
the House sees Uncle Joe's'' aim 1t will,
like Crockett's coon. come down instanter-
every mothers son of them-and vote for
the bill Be of good cheer then. We abject
ones. the Jubilee is coming.
So much for introduction; now the bill:
BE 1t enacted. &c, When any clerk or en-
ploye. in classified or unclassified service
In any of the departments of the govern
ment. after having served as such for forty
years, and having attained the age of sew
enty years. he shah be relieved from further
natural life receive one-half of the same
salary which was by law payable to him
at the time he was so relieved"
Were this a similar measure enacted
into law. lot of so-called barnacles that
are now thought to retard the progress of
the ship of state would be removed at once.
THOMAS HARRISON.