davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1906-12-26
He Got OF Easy.


from oUCCIss-
Clark Howell of Atlanta. tells of the
sad case of an elderly darby in Georgia
charged with the theft Of some chickens.
The negro had the misfortune to be de-
Tended by young and inexperienced at
torney although it is doubtful whether
any one could have secured his acquittal,
the commission of the crime having been
proved beyond all doubt
The darby received a pretty severe SEN
tence. Thank you. sab, said he, cheer
fully, addressing the judge when the SEN
tence had been announced. Oats mighty
hard, sab, but it amt anywhere near
what | 'spected. I thought. sab dat be-
tween my character and dat speech Of
nah lawyer dat you'd hang me shorer'
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1906-12-26
BUREAUCRATIC TENDENCY.
Tawney Says states Encroach Too
Much on Federal Treasury.

Chicago Special to Minneapolis Tribune
The matter of the States encrOaching on
Federal rights and surrendering to the
Federal government powers that they
have jealousy guarded for themselves viii
be the most interesting subject for debate
at this session Of Congress. according TO
Congressman James A. Tawney- He is
strongly of the belief that through their
representation in Congress the different
states are encroaching more and more
every year in the matter of appropriations
on the Federal Treasury for expenses
that States should meet themselves
Il believe the discussion that viii be
had on this matter will be one Of the most
interesting Congress has ever known,
said Mr.. Tawney.
Take the pure-food law which we
passed recently. The Secretary of Agri-
culture outlined 10 our committee the plan
he has for carrying out the provisions Of
that act, and if he does what he plans
TO do the Federal government will soon
be paying all the expenses Of enforcing
the pure-food laws which the States are
now taking care Of themselves. He will
dDFplNA "a tAti az lA0ittlti itA FttNtA A5et-N-s
and that Inspector viii employ employees
Of the State puTe-food department on per
diem basis. II Federal employees are to
enforce the pure-food laws then Ghere viii
be no need Of the state enforcing the same
laws, and it is only question Of time
when tine Federal government viii be
paying practically all the expense Of
State as we'll as Federal inspection.
This is only one instance u what
States are doing in this direction of sur
rendering their powers. As l look at il,
though it is not a question of States
rights. but "A tendency 10 encroach on the
Federal Treasury.
Il had a talk with Secretary Root last
summer on this matter, and his views are
that States should not ask the Federal
government 70 take up 50 many local
matters. There IS no telling where it will
end. There is reason To believe that if a
stop is not entered somewhere that this
VIII become bureaucratic government.
II the Federal government is 70 step in
and take charge Of everything there viii
be very little left for the States in way OF
/ legislation and law enforcement"
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1906-12-26
TIE HAPPY MAN-

There was once a man whose wife loved
him dearly. and he was greatly worried
Not because she loved him dearly. oh. no,
not for that
And yet it was because Of that When
the gladstone Yuletide pardon a mo-
ments depression, but this is the first
time in five years we have written the
word "Yuleide'D When the gladstone
Yuletide began approaching with its mer-
~, merry speed, the man whose wife
loved him dearly commenced to fret in
wardly. When the ordinary man wants to
fret he will do il OutwaTdly, and he will
fret more square miles of fretting to the
hour than YOU would believe if we gave
you the figures.
knowing that his wife loved him dearly
he reasoned that her idea of showing her
affection and making him glad would be
TO hand him q large lemon In the shape
Of a gift that would cost him an overdraft
at the bank when the bill came in.
But Christmas morning she gave him a
neat little pen wiper that cost just 49
cents And his heart was glad within him.
Moral: But you ought to see the bills
for the other things.
WILBUR NESBIT
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1906-12-26
Couldn't Help 1t.

From Harpgrs Weekly
A well-kn0wn Allegheny clergyman re-
Gently spoke at religious service in the
penitentiary in Woods Run. He noticed
that one Of the convicts seemed extraordi-
nariIy impressed. After the service he
sOugn him out and continued the good
work by remarking: MY friend, I hope
you will profit by my remarks just now
and become a new man"
Indeed / will" was the cheerful reply.
I'm fact. I promise to you that l will
never commit another crime. but will lead
an exemplary life to my dying day"
4 am very glad to hear you say that, -
said the clergyman. but are you certain
you VIII be able to keep the promise?"
ooh. yes, said the convict. I'm in Jail
for life"
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1906-12-26
ALITTLE NONSENSE.
THE d. AFTER.


IT'S the day after Christmas; the janitor's
sore
He got lots Of presents, but looked for lots
more
The walters are surly: the belIboys are
gruf.
They think that their backsheesh was far
from enough.
The shopping is over. but down goes a
host
To try to find out what their Christmas
gifts cost.
Now mother is angry with father, poor
soul,
Who bought forty gimcracks and failed
TO buy coal.
It's the day after Christmas and daugh-
ter is mad
She asked for things useful. and got 'em
egad
And cook, whom we wheedled to get her
10 stay,
Has packed up her presents and faded
away.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1906-12-26

amid tranquil surroundings. the following
carefully selected golden texts with ap-
propriate symbolism: Il am happy"
Fear not" Demand brings supply"
Heal the sick, Thought is formative"
Il am fun Of faith" Il make harmony"
I love peace" AS final and surprising
influence, there Is brought TO view the
ancient symbol of a perfect soul" This
is "a round globe. and from each side
stretches out broad pinions of shades OF
violet The whole may be shat from view
by draperies of royal purple should the
exigencies Of the occasion not demand its
too strenuous use.
The universal verdict is that nothing
ecipses the new discovery. Miraculous
cures are matters of daily occurrence.
One patient AYERS, The treatment will
awaken latent souls" another says. Pas
tors seeking inspiration for weighty ser
mons will find this the very thing" still
another states. 1T is good for nervous
prostration. insomnia, and chronic trou-
bles
That thing for which philosophers have
sighed for ages, the dream and inspiration
Of Ponce de Leon's long quest. the sure
and certain preventative of the bloom of
youth against the ravages OF time, has
been discoveted at last.
1t abides within the Sanctum of Beau
dful Thought-adjunct and off-shoot of
the Metaphysical Club of Cambridge
near Boston.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1906-12-26

Since the decliuation by Cart Jack"
Greenway of the Presidents offer Of
Commissioner Of the General Land Office
Of the Interior Department the records
have been searched to discover # any
other members OF the Presidents famous
regiment Of Rough Riders who has been
rendered Office by their old commander
has declined. Thus far the record does
not disclose another refusal Former
Rough Riders abound in the government
service. and comparatively few OF them
sought the offices which they now hold.
President Roosevelt ascertained SO mi
nutely the character and fitness Of the
members Of his regiment for the public
service that whenever a favorable Oppor-
tunity has presented itself he has put
them in office only a few Of them are
stationed I'm Washington, Civil Service
Commissioner MCIIhenny being the most
conspicuous of the Presidents San Juan
heroes holding a position here; hut they
are holding Offices in the States or dis
Jricts I'm which they live. II is roughly
estimated that fully a hundred of them
are serving in various capacities In the
Department of Justice alone. most OF them
United States marshals or deputies. and
excellent records they are making toe for
It is well understood by them that the
President holds each personally RESPONSE
BILE for the manner In which he conducts
himself in Office Whatever complaints
are made against any of them are for
warded directly to the President by the
head of the department receiving the COM
plants.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1906-12-26

From the Boston Transcript
you can't judge by appearances.
Can't you, though! How else can you
judge an actor but by his appearances2
Never say die" Nice, prosperous I'M
dertaker you'd make with that motto,
wouldn't your
Marry in haste and repent at leisure"
Boshl married men don't have any leis-
ure
Give the devil his due" What's the
use OF bothering he's sure to get it.
Seeing is believing Not always.
Your wife sees you when you come home
late from sitting up with sick friend, -
buJ she doesn't believe you.
Faint heart never won fair lady"
Well, what of it? Ours is a brunette.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1906-12-26
DOesn't Believe in Unwritten Law.

From the Boston Herald.
If the 'unwritten law'-and may &
long remain neutrality-suspicious. murder
for slandering a woman's reputation. is
no longer potent In Mississippi. it ought
to be dismissed from favor everywhere in
America. And if it is not potent in the
case of that particular wrong. it should
not be recognized for condOning passion
ate revenge for any wrong. Every man
subject to jury duty should be made to
understand that the "unwritten law is
a relic Of barbarism ana an expression
of anarchy
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1906-12-26
Nothing to Fear from Revision.

From the Boston Herald
The Republican party would have moth
ing to fear from an honest revision of the
tariff in the interest of American con-
sumers and American commerce, now or
at any other time. No party was ever
punished. nor ever VIII be, for relieving
the people OF the burden of unnecessary
and therefore unjust taxation.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1906-12-26
All Settled.

From the Chicago Record Herald.
When you're my brother-in-law, said
little Tommy, will you be as friendly
with me as you are now?"
''Wh-what," gasped the young man.
makes you think I'm going to be your
brOther-in-law?"
1 heard pa and ma tellin' Maude last
night that you never could break into this
family with their consent -
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1906-12-26
Johns Explanation.

From The Milwaukee Sentinel
John" said Mrs. Noodles, savagely.
as John came into the room unsteadily
and hung his collar on the chandelier,
what time is it?"
Just / O'Clock my dear replied John,
making a desperate effort to act natural
What do you mean by telling me such
a falsehOOd? I heard the clock strike
3 not ten minutes before you came in.
Yes hic. my dear. But you dom
IN stand that clock. It's a repeater"
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1906-12-26

permits certain shippers to subject raw
materials in transit to various processes
of manufacture. holding the cars mean
while, and reshipping the product. Thus
a carload of wheat may be stopped en-
route, elevated and cleaned. reloaded and
Teshipped. or a carload of lumber may
be planed and then sent forward to des-
tination. As a result of this practice a
great many more cars and much extra
expense is required TO take care of a
given volume Of business, and through
shippers suffer Moreover, the practice is
one that obviously furnishes oppOrtuni-
ties for discrimination and favoritism,
and it is condemned by railway men
themselves as wasteful and mwise.
II is true. therefore, that shippers are
In a large sense responsible for the car
shortage. but why should the railroads
permit the use in the manner described
of their equipment. to the detriment OF
the general shipping public? There must
be some reason for il. and no one need
be surprised if a twin evil to rebates
should come to light when the privilege
Of reconsignment has been thoroughly in
vestigated. We hope that railway man
ayers will themselves initiate, as they
give signs Of doing, the reforms the car
shortage discussion shows to be impera-
lively necessary in traffic management.
It is announced that the battle ship
Connecticut will be bigger than the
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1906-12-26
And Become an Authority.

Some OF these days" began the por-
tentoUs person.
say on. MacDun"
Some Of these days some hell-roarer is
going to Panama and remain there
whole week"
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1906-12-26
A CRITICISM

He Taved about her limpid eyes.
The Cup;ds bow that was her mouth.
She locked at him in cold surprise
And said. "skiddo. you dub Go s0uthP'
he sWOTe her figure was divine
And then he heard her blithely say,
NO tafy tulu boys for mine,
You'd better beat it-fade away"
We don't use slang, and yet It's pat
That maidens who are fair to see
Can throw a line Of conversation that
Win make masher twenty-three
Birmingham Age-Herald.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1906-12-26
Caughf.

From the Detroit Free Press.
Waddles-So you had to work for your
dinner? What made you offer to?
Tatters-When I went up to the door l
didn't see any wood in sight; but when l
got inside the kitchen the lady was wash
ing and she made me turn the wringer for
two hours
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1906-12-26
Her Useful AccompIishments.

From the Detroit Free Press.
so your Snew maid used 10 he
ballet dancer. How do you like herr
she saved our lives the other night
The evergreen on the chandelier caught
fire. and she kicked it out IN an IN
stantY'
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1906-12-26
Rnd Advice.
From scrans.

Prom Scraps.
Mrs. Losing (after his confession)-So
YOU lost five pounds, then? How often
have 1 warned you against fast horses!
Ben Losing-That's the trouble.
Mrs. L0sing-What's the trouble?
Ben LOsiag-I took your advice. ! oeI
on the slow ones.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1906-12-26
Customary Plan.

From the New York Sun.
Rev Fourthly-My friend, where do you
expect to go in the next world?
Knicker-Oh. ! suppose mother and the
girls viii pick out the spot and will run
up for the week-ends as usual.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1906-12-26
Two Men Talk.

Did you ever see a woman eye another
woman's hat?"
YES Whewr'
Il should hate to have "a lady give me
such a look as that"
Me too"
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1906-12-26
PEOPLE OF NOTE.
bryce and the pre.laent.

- 80 anu tAat
James Bryce, who VIII assume soon
the post in Washington as King Edward
Ambassador, is an old personal friend Of
President Roosevelt. Although there IS
nearly twenty years difference in their
ages. the new ambassador being sixty
eight. their Friendship was established
more than decade ago. The English
man. who has written much en- American
history and cognate themes. had read
several Of Mr.. RoOsevelrs historical and
biographical works before he met the
author. and on a visit TO this country
twelve or fifteen years ago he sought out
Mr. Roosevelt and secured from him some
original data for n work on the United
States Mr.. Bryce was then preparing.
There is also strong bond Of congeniai
friendship between Mr.. Bryce and Sena-
tor Lodge, President Roosevelts stanchest
friend in the Senate. and one Of his most
constant companions. II is expected that
when the Ambassador takes his post here
there will Immediately follow a change in
the relations between the White House
and the British Embassy. Mr.. Bryce IS
not a society man; therefore, the smart
StAs liiIbNEu NlRSt al lAAl mann bati'@t4pit
trouble was brought To Sir II. Mortimer
Durand. resulting I'm his summary recall,
will not find much comfort in the change.
but the President and Senator Lodge will
Immediately exert themselves TO make
Mr. Bryces position pleasant in every
way. Mr.. Bryce is also an old friend Of
Baron Speek Won Sternburg, the German
Ambassador. who Is one Of the Presi-
dents and Senator Lodges cronies- Thus
King Edwards new representative viii
come to Washington under the most
suspicious circumstances, so far as the
personal element IS concerned.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1906-12-26
In subdued Tones

From the Cleveland Plain Dealer
Some of the experts claim that President
Roosevelt doesn't know ali about the Pan
anna Canal, but they say it mildly.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1906-12-26
Not Her Custom.

Gabriel was blowing the last trump.
Hurry up" shouted Mr.. De Style.
Il WON'T ret0rted Mrs. De Style
Think I'm going in with the crush?"
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1906-12-26

From the Atlanta Constitution
There is this much to be said in favor
Of citizenship for the Porto Ricans: They
have never cultivated lid or called for
a Taft to sit on it.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1906-12-26
UinurunfIcd.

Mary was a foolish gal,
Posed as Intellectual
Bacon's Essays, That is what
Poor shOrtsighted Mary got.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1906-12-26
Denr AIcI

why wasn't Santa billed to visit
chorus land?'
THE hose were too well filed, or so /
understand"
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1906-12-26

Harpers Weekly thinks the American
girl not the equal Of the American boy
A child's ability in general should not be
judged by its ability to make a noise in
particular.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1906-12-26
In the Thcnter Lobby.

THAT fellow looks like ne might be a
Senator, but / see that he isn't"
How do you know he isnt?"
Hes buying a ticket"
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1906-12-26

The water-wagOn brigade is getting
ready to make its short but thrilling an
nual trip.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1906-12-26
Crane for President.

Just what the meaning is Of the discus
sion started in Boston several days ago
of Senator winthrop Murray Crane for
the Republican Presidential nomination
in 1858, with Governor-elect Hughes. Of
New York. as his running mate the pol
iticians in Washington have been I'M
able thus far to surmise. It is univer-
sally conceded that Mr.. Crane has at
tanned a standing of unusual excellence
and influence in the Senate and the
eounsels of his party in his brief expert
ence as a national legislator, but it is
argued that he is not yet sufficiently
well known in the country at large to
be available as Presidential timber two
years hence In department, Senator
Crane is one of the quietest and most
transformations men in public life. He
has never made a speech in the Senate.
and although he has been one of the
leaders of his party in Massachusetts
for many years, it Is said that he has
never made a stump speech in that State.
As candidate, however, for governor, he
was invincible as long as he consented
10 run for the Office, and when a vacancy
was created in the Senate by the death
of George Frisbie Hoar. scarcely any
other name than that of Mr.. Crane was
mentioned. The legisla ture soon to as
semble at Boston will re-clect him with
the full vote Of the Republicans, and it
Is expected that at the same time his
Presidential boom will be formally
launched in such manner as to attract
national attention. Soon after the close
Of the last session Of Congress Senator
Crane. who was then a widOwer. mar
ried Miss Boardman. one of the leaders
of Washington society. Their residence
here is now among the most exclusive
social centers in the Capital.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1906-12-26

BIr. Rockefeller says the American peo-
pie ARE going too fast" Nj Rockefeller
has had them going So long the habit
has perhaps become chronic.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1906-12-26

The Standard Oil. which insisted for
years that it never was a trust, now de-
clares that it ceased to be trust several
years ago
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1906-12-26

A writer in "A Philadelphia paper an
nOunces that soldiers do not carry UNI
brellas during "a battle" He was probably
misled into thinking otherwise from read
ing Of the thunder Of the guns and the
storm Of bullets that some writer's persist
in telling about
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1906-12-26

The New York Post discovers that
there were 20 capital Is in the Presi-
dents Panama message. That ought to
have enabled any one to see thru IL
th0TOly.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1906-12-26

The Christmas cigars your wife gave
you may be intended TO cure you OF the
tobacco habit
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1906-12-26

Carrie Nation calls Washington "the
refuge Of liars" Usually it is a pretty
warm place for them.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1906-12-26

It is announced that the battle ship
Connecticut" viii be bigger than the
''Dreadnought" That's Christmas JOY
enough for Capt. Hobson.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1906-12-26

The general consensus Of opinion is that
Santa Claus engagement came right up
to the advance notices.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1906-12-26

The life Of a Chicago judge was saved
the other day because the cartridge in
the wOuld-be assassin's revolver failed to
explode. Glad Of course, his honor
wasn't killed; but If that gun had been
in the hands of some fellow who didn't
know it was loaded, the top of his head
would have been blown of. sure.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1906-12-26

It was reserved for an Ohio paragraph
er TO say that the senior Senator from
Ohio is somewhat Of pitch foraker him
self"
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1906-12-26

Il feel annoyed every time / hear the
word 'ReiChaverdTessen says En-
peror William. Why worry about a little
thing like that2
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1906-12-26

Arkansas has promoted one Of its legis-
lators to the penitentiary.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1906-12-26

The President has asked Jack Green
way, the Yale football man. to clean out
the General Land Office, but ne declined.
well-regulated football player knows
when q job is beyond him.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1906-12-26

The British do not like our Constitution.
They did not care particularly for the
men who made il. either
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1906-12-26

"A great deal depends upon man.
wife. says young MI Rockefeller. AS
and Castellane have noted.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1906-12-26

Man is the only animal that laughs
This shows how much consideration the
balance of the animals have for man.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1906-12-26

With present prices prevailing, most OF
the Christmas nog is shy the egg.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1906-12-26

Count Alexis Ignaitieff is the latest Rus
sian official TO be reduced TO scraps by
the terr0rists. It is a fine thing these
days not 10 be a Russian statesman.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1906-12-26

President Diaz no sooner learned that
MIR Hartman was negotiating for 10000
acres of land in Mexico than he bought
up all the railroads for the government
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1906-12-26

THE oil trust is not in the habit Of
lending $4,000 to an arch enemy" says
the Nashville American. There is no one
the trust had rather lend it TO.