davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Danville intelligencer. [volume] (Danville, Pa.) 1859-1907, 1906-03-23
THE MONOTONY OF LIFE.
why n Comment About II Made One
Man Laugh Out Loud.

Why n Comment About It Made One
Man Laugh Ont Loud.
Sometimes l think that The monoto-
ny of life wears on us far more than
the duties we have to discharge" sigh.
ed a robust citizen the other evening
as the car reared on its hind legs and
began to creep up the shaft. "The ev-
erlasting rut or treadmill, or whatever
you may choose to call 1t. gets on to
ones nerves. Existence isn't varied
for many of us; it's perpetual grind"
His companion looked at him mo-
ment and showed broad grin. 81 like
that kind of talk" he said. "It's so
truthful. Do you know what you do
when anything out Of the ordinary
happens to interfere with your cut and
dried plan and takes you few steps
out of your beaten path? do. You
throw three or four fits hand running
and look and behave as If there had
been death in the family. If your
wife accepts an invitation or makes an
engagement for you or you're cornered
so that you can't escape the theater or
n concert, you're the crossest and most
Respondent creature on earth. And
you'll invent excuses that wouldn't
wash In n strong lye to dodge visit
to your relatives or an excursion or q
journey to another city. You want to
do the same things in the same old
way day after day, and If you can't
do them you sit down and cry. With
you it's the morning paper, breakfast,
the barber. work, luncheon, more work,
home and the evening paper, and that
would be your routine if you had $780,
900 year and were free to come and
go as you chose. Nine men out of ten
are exactly Ike You, and when I hear
tpem complaining of monotony l have
to laugh out loud. Providence jour.
Ifal-
Danville intelligencer. [volume] (Danville, Pa.) 1859-1907, 1906-03-23
BARRIER BREAKERS.

Peter Cooper-Was only one year at
school
Oliver Z. Morton-Lame; walked on
crutches.
Chief Justice Chase-Nearsighted
had an impediment in his speech.
Elihu Burritt-Son of Il farmer; be-
came an apprentice in a blacksmltb's
shop.
Estey, the organ maker-Given away
ut four years of age; had scarcely any
schooling.
Nelson W. AIdrich-Entered Provi-
dence on foot, with his clothes strung
over his back
Andrew CarneSie-Son of an immi.
grant; worked rs bobbin boy In mill
Tor S1.20 a week.
Alexander II. Stephens-A dwarf;
with n broken scythe he overmatched
In the harvest all those who had per-
feet ones.
Thurlow Weed-So poor in boyhood
that one cold March day he had to
wrap pieces of cloth about his feet in
place of socks and shoes.-Crafts "Suc-
"essful Men Of Today"
Danville intelligencer. [volume] (Danville, Pa.) 1859-1907, 1906-03-23
Derry Township Awake.

DERRY TOWNSHIP, Mar. 10, '06.
EDITOR INTELLIGENCER:-
Publications in some of our country
papers, the last few weeks, have been
making wrong impressions upon the
public as regards road matters in
Derry township under the new law.
The people of our township, when
understanding a question, are not Of
ten found wanting 50 far as prompt
action is concerned. On the first
Monday in March, as provided by
the act of assembly, our supervisors,
elected at the recent towdship election,
met at the time and place provided in
the law, and being duly sworn as
provided, proceeded to organize the
board by electing a Chairman, Secre-
tary and Treasurer; after which they
laid out the township into four dis
tricts, as again provided in the act,
appointing four road masters, three OF
which promptly accepted their offices,
the fourth one being a steady employe
at the Blue Spring Mansion, aked to
be excused, as by accepting the office
of road master he might lose his
steady job, whereupon a second party
was appointed who accepted at once
and all offices were filled. The tax
rate was agreed upon as was also a
system of improved road making
adopted, to be put into operation as
soon as the weather is favorable in
the spring. The Derry township road
district is in good shape, with no in
debtness and nearly three hundred
dollars in the treasurer to start with
The reason for making four districts
of the township, was that a man on
a small farm could act as road master
on 7 or s miles of road and still at
tend to his farm, with little adition-
al help, whereas, if he had 30 or %
miles he could not accept the place
and it seemed to prove so, as the divi-
sions were so easily filled. With such
competent men to fill the places, we
look forward to the best of prospects
and that the new road law will be a
success in our township.
VOTER.
Danville intelligencer. [volume] (Danville, Pa.) 1859-1907, 1906-03-23
Pen, Paste and Scissors

DANvILLE, Pa, MAR. 81, '06.
Prize fighting is getting almost as
brutal as football.
Wednesday, the Dist inst, was the
first day of Spring. The days and
nights are now equal.
Don't place orders for calendars
for 1907 until you see the fine line
of samples at the Intelligencer office.
Average monthly wages of men
teachers in the Pennsylvania public
schools is S51.Sl and of women,
S39. II.
After being tied to Boni so long,
one could hardly blame Anna Gould
if she were TO marry man next
time.
japanese need not worry about
their small stature. They look big
enough to people who get into difficult
ties with them.
The sighs thai are given when we
think of going on the roads are only
exceeded by the sigh of relief when
the trip is over.
When the consumer finds his coal
has risen 25c ton, he can conclude
that an advance of ten cents has been
made to the miners.
Count Witte saws that conditions in
Russia are different from every other
country. Every other country is
doubtless glad of it.
The 10, 900, 900 trout now in the
various hatcheries of the State are to
be distributed in lots of 1900 each to
the ;, $40 applicants.
The State Game people are about
getting 81, 600 worth of quails, 222
dozen at 50 a dozen, for distribution
on the State Forest Reserves.
1t is unlawful to shoot wild ducks
now, The legal season extends from
September 1st to January 1st and
from the lst to 10Th of April.
Running down the populace in an
automobile, appears 10 be much
more serious offense in Italy than in
some places you might mention.
The House recently passed 416
pension bills in sixty-four minutes.
Probably the reason it did not pass
more, was that there were no more to
pass.
If you intend having sale the COM
ing spring, select the date, and have
the announcement in the Inteligencer
"Sale Register" 1t is free to all
engaging bills at this office.
The lntelligencer House does all
work at cash prices and expects cash
on delivery of work. Patrons will
please note the terms and govern
themselves accordingly.
We are hardly through one politi-
cal campaign before we are Oft on
another. In about three months a
candidate for Governor will be nom
mated, and that means there is al
ready plenty to do.
Hoch, the Chicago bigamist -mur-
derer, has been hanged at last. In
way he was OF some use to his day.
lie got couple dozen fool women to
lie up to him who might have made
some decent men miserable.
The Pennsylvania railroads report
shows that its net income last year
was S3S, 900, 900. 1t is going to be
difficult for politicians to understand
why Il road so prosperous will not in
vite its friends to an occasional free
ride.
The man who is ambitious to be his
party's idol, is not the man for his
service. What the country
leeds today is more statesmen and |
'"w"r o." us moro "a r;oti -, n
,ss Po.I,,cs, more gospel and less /
raft.
Danville intelligencer. [volume] (Danville, Pa.) 1859-1907, 1906-03-23

Germs of today are fast removing from
their employ those who cannot kindly
received and treat all classes of men
with proper courtesy. No banking
house or other concern can prosper or
even hold its own, against set of in
different, unpopular employees, and
the sooner their removal is effected
the better the prospects for increased
business. We trust Danville's busi-
ness places will not be slow to renov.
ate and remove all such Objectionable
rubish, standing abreast with the fore.
most ranks of life's swift race.
Danville intelligencer. [volume] (Danville, Pa.) 1859-1907, 1906-03-23
'rhe N1OOn'A Phases,

The phases of the moon are caused
by Its relative position to the earth and
the sun, SO that when it is full moon
In one part of the earth it Is full moon
in all parts Of the earth, and so for all
its other phases. The moon revolves
around the earth once in twenty y-seven
days, though on account of the earth's
revolution around the sun the mean
duration of the lunar month-that Is,
the time from new moon TO new moon
is twenty-nlne days. twelve hours
and forty-four minutes. The dark OF
the moon" is that half of the lunar
month during which the moon shines
least at night,
Danville intelligencer. [volume] (Danville, Pa.) 1859-1907, 1906-03-23
pENNSYLVAN|A
i RAILROAD


Trains leave South DanvilIe as follows.
for Catawissi, East Bloomsburg, Nesconect,
Nanticoke, Wilkes-Barre, Pittston, Srrai,,,
ton ana intermediate stations, I'll n m
daily. ' ''' NJ
For sunbury and intermediate stations a.oo
q. m. ana 15l p m weekdays, and 43I D. m
daily. For Sunbury only, FL D. m. Well;
days. - '- "e'"'
For Pottsville, Reading and Philadelrbia
, III a. m. and 2.2l p. m. weekdays
FOR hlzleton. III and l0.l7 a. m 2.2l and s n
:, p. NJ. weekdays. ga" ~"
For Lewisburg, williamsport, and Lock
hnven, s.OOa M, H. u and i3i D. m, week.
Gays lor Williamsport and intermediate
su!iiOns, 81 p. IN, weekdays
ror BeHeionte, Tyrone, Phiiipsburp Cleor-
Ut ,e'u, n ana i'ittsburgh, 800 a. M, and ri u.
FOR Harrisburg and intermediate stations O 20
y; m, lZlo, i.3i and I. / u. M. week -days.
for bhi adeiphia (via Harrisburg Baltimore
ana washington, 900a. m, 10 and ~ ~
m, weekdays; iSl Baltimore only D. 'ni,' ni
For Pittsburg (via Harrisburg 900 n. r. 10 i,
t.3l, and 7.5l p. M, weekdays: I8I u. M
sundays; (via Lewistown JunctionI 400 n
m, ana l2.lO m, weekdays; VIA Lock
iiaNeh)H'O "a. m, and II 10 D. m wee k-dnNs.
For further information apply to ticket
agents. Ff'' W ''he'
W. W. A1TERBURY, j. II. WOOD,
"envrai ntla NJ MNHahaeer. Pass'r Traffic Mgr
Danville intelligencer. [volume] (Danville, Pa.) 1859-1907, 1906-03-23
A Disgustcd Musician.

Conductor Gericke, known as the
human metronome." had been giving
a Wagner programme. After the con-
cert one of the trombone players was
heard to say TO fellow musician.
"Well, | am going to quit" Are you
daffy?" said his friend. whats the
matter?" "Well. it's just this: In that
Tristan und Isolde number momen-
tarily forgot the technics of my instru-
ment, got enthusiastic, filed my lungs
for that magnificent passage for the
brass. when up goes that fatal left
hand. so | had TO swallow my enthu-
slasm-and wind too. If ! don't quit
am either going to burst or die of tuber-
culosis."
Danville intelligencer. [volume] (Danville, Pa.) 1859-1907, 1906-03-23

(which you apparently did not
heed" commented Tom dryly. "And
now 1t seems you have been compro-
missing the girl and"-
Compromising" broke In Jerry,
wildly astonished. "Why, I've never
even met her. Wouldn't l like to,
thought
'If you really wish it suspect can
arrange it," said Tom slowly. Donna
Carmela is undeniably lovely. But do
you realize what meeting her meansp
"Why, that met her, suppose" re-
torted Jerry. But Tom shook his head.
ut means more than that" he said
quietly. .'The Martinez are old fash
ioned people. Their ideas are very
strict. You may court through the win
dow If you like, but once taken to the
house an engagement is settled"
Engagement" gasped Jerry. EN-
gagement to a girl you never have even
spoken to"'
THAT is the CUSTOM" said Tom.
"And 1t is that or leave Havana. In
fact if Don Enrique had not known
ehot iva "Sle NY pIutleE you might
have got yourself into serious trouble.
Luckily we are great friends, but even
eas it is don't choose hastily, dear
boy" he added kindly. "Of course it
may have been the merest filtration on
your part, and you couldn't be ex-
pected to understand"
"And the girlT' cried Jerry. "She
thinks
"She naturally knows nothing of
American ways" answered Tom grave
ly.
For moment Jerry sat with wlirl-
Ing brain. Become engaged to a per-
feet stranger? That he was longing to
meet her he knew; that he would prob
ably be only too glad of the chance to
marry her he thought most likely. Yet
to plunge into it this way! And then
he thought Of the rose which had fallen
at his feet and Strengthened himself.
II should like to meet the Senorita
Carmela," he said. "How soon may we
goT"
Danville intelligencer. [volume] (Danville, Pa.) 1859-1907, 1906-03-23

WHEN the bicycle was on the
high tide of popularity and the auto
mobile began to demonstrate its value
as a practical invention, pessimistic
forebodings were INDUCED in respect
ing the future of the horse. We were
to enter the "horseless" era. The
horse censu5es taken by the Depart
ment OF Agriculture fail to verify the
prediction that the horse is disappear
ing. 1t is impossible to say how
many hores our vehicular inventions
have displaced, but the figures show
that the number of horses has been
increasing in proportion to the popu-
lalion. There has been Il striking in
crease in the value Of horses exported.
Horses now command higher prices
than they have at any other period
during the past fifteen years, with the
exception Of the year 1902.
Danville intelligencer. [volume] (Danville, Pa.) 1859-1907, 1906-03-23
Not Settled on Choice foz fudge
ANTONY Town SHIP. March 90. 'O6.

MIsTUR EDIrUR:-Ther will be bigger sune hi sum
OF farmar tn pow thu under fir rzcr than thu potcns
maxim c ther befor thu eepe fir thu they
dsrou of hevin ole Pennycracker s powerfully
namin guide fir de. livery ybode Skarlet
doant Pennie
Las weak Bill whu du yu want fir jidge Kant j y
hu but thear liz Skot Ameman, Jon. Harman Gen u
fir thu Legislator but think he'd better be d thu field
fir guide Legislator in this An odder
hez bin thot oud thu kounty he bre young
He carlesey oweruked beor but believe he
fir this here o eff Wever do and beet him,
thet IL Tommy Wan Tonic brilliant yung man. liz
avriby spokn evrywher Wi him thu field
Grms v the guide redn off mans karacte
think tn hev his opinion Tom. Kun Jerry,
he lks tn read yur al Subjects.
after thu melts kandydates
bother vile plown and dgn garden hear
wealcom.
Respected,
Jon. LAUTERBoX.
Danville intelligencer. [volume] (Danville, Pa.) 1859-1907, 1906-03-23
MUDSLINGERS
AND MILLIONAIRES.
n HIS is surely great country.

- iiA'9 Ic sutClN IL SIttb GbuHll y.
" Here we have the possibility of
coal strike; "Pitchtork" Sena-
tor Tillman is in charge of the Rail
way Rate bill; millionaires are chased
into Kidding; almost everybody with
any money being "investigated;" a
bill in Congress to limit individual
fortunes, and the socialists are de-
manding that the Federal Govern
ment or the State or the municipality
shall own and operate nearly every
thing in sight
At the same time the miners and
other unions are insisting upon the
''closed shop" principle that no man
shall have the privilege of working
for living without their permission,
and goodness only knows how many
other social and economic fermenta.
tions are under way-and yet the
country seems to be going about its
business in the usual way. The flrm,
the mine and the mill are turning out
products on an unprecedented scale,
internal trade was never so active,
exports are of record -wrecking magni-
tude and everybody seems to be pros
porous.
That is the popularity of this per-
iod of investigation and elimination.
In the past we have had such agita-
tlons, but they have occurred in times
of depression following panics in
which stagnant trade, shrinking values
and widespread losses had irritated
and angercd the people, and stimulat-
ed demand for exposure and punish
ment Of tie wrongdoing in public and
financial places to which the reaction
and 'hard times" were attributed.
More than year ago symptoms of
popular unrest were noted abroad and
at home and observers Of the notable
''revivaI movement in England
faucied that the unrest fole,hadowed
Il great wave of religious excitement
which would sweep the country. Per-
haps the revelations of ''high lin
ance' in connection with life insur-
ance companies directed it into secular
and political channels.
The greed and contempt for moral
and statute law exhibited by many
rich men afforded Just ground for
popular Indignation, and this has
been expanded and famed in various
I directions by cranks and by self-seeI-
ing demagogues until we have sort
of mud-slinging Craze" in which
individual regulations far and wide
are recklessIy y assailed and the fact
that a man is rich is treated as prima
facic evidence that he is scoundrel
This is to be regretted because if all
men are to be bespattered the guilty
ones can no longer be singled out for
obIoquy, and those assailed, the good
as well as the bad, are impelled to
unite for common defense.
1t would not he surprising to learn
at any ime that the Mlionaires'
Mutual Protective Union has been
organized aud that it had demanded
concessions from the Amalgamated
Mudslingcrs' Association (Thomas
Lawson, President), coupled with the
threat of Il general strike Of Million
aires and Withdrawal of their capital,
If these are not complied with. At
the present rate of expansion of inds-
eliminating investigation and Grim
ination there will soon cease to be
any distinction in being the subject of
Danville intelligencer. [volume] (Danville, Pa.) 1859-1907, 1906-03-23

-PoLIrENEss is the principal at.
traction to new friendship. An i'm
polite person is branded at first ac-
quaintauce. To snap and snarl, as Il
vicious cur is want to do upon the ap-
proach OF Il stranger, bank president
cashier, or clerk has often driver from
their counters n desirable customer,
likewise other bus ness people and
persons in private life have disrupted
a friendship that might otherwise have
proven profitable. Not only do we
gain the disproval and enmity of the
one suffering the shock, but the af-
ficted ones friends cody Withdraw
one by one rs thoy l'arn he rre
chir,., "I l", b. 20 ue ,Al, Is an
age of polllenes', and progressive con-
Danville intelligencer. [volume] (Danville, Pa.) 1859-1907, 1906-03-23

Published every Friday at Danvilie, the
county seat of Montour county, Pa, at Sl.O0 II
year in advance or sl.2j if not paid in ad-
vance; and no paper will be discontinued
until all arrearage is paid, except at the
option of the publisher
Rates of advertising made known on ap-
plicaton. Address all communications to
THE INTELLIGENCER,
DANvILLE, PA.
Danville intelligencer. [volume] (Danville, Pa.) 1859-1907, 1906-03-23
A Funny aIisprint.

One of the most ludicrous announce
ments that ever appeared perhaps was
earlier half of the last century to the
effect that Sir Robert Peel "and par
ty of iends were shooting peasants in
Ireland.". The words mlsprinted of
course, were friends" and "pheas-
anfG."
Danville intelligencer. [volume] (Danville, Pa.) 1859-1907, 1906-03-23

ana cheerfulneSS soon
disappear when the kid
neys are out of order
orNiseased.
Kidney trouble has
become so prevalent
that II Is not uncommon
for a child to be born
afflicted with weak kid
neys. If the child urin-
ates too often. II the
Danville intelligencer. [volume] (Danville, Pa.) 1859-1907, 1906-03-23

THE KEYSTONE EAGLE, is an
eight page monthly journal published
in the interest of the Fraternal Order
Of Eagles, in this city, and under the
editorshiP of our young friend, Mr..
John C. Waite. 1t is neat budget
of news pertaining to the various acr-
les Of the state and cleverly and well
written. 1t is just a half year old
and bids fair to be the State organ Of
that fraternal organization. Our best
wishes Bro Waite.
Danville intelligencer. [volume] (Danville, Pa.) 1859-1907, 1906-03-23
All In the BILL.

I'm afraid" said the junior member
Of the law firm, that we are causing
our client unnecessary trouble"
"Ob, that's all right" rcjoined the
senior mrmber. well charge him FOR
it."-Clicago News.
Danville intelligencer. [volume] (Danville, Pa.) 1859-1907, 1906-03-23

How did you cure your boy of
swearipg?"
...Py the laying on of hands, principal.
Iy."-Chfcag6 Reeoru- Herald
Danville intelligencer. [volume] (Danville, Pa.) 1859-1907, 1906-03-23


urine scalds the flesh or if. when the child
reaches an age when it should be able to
control the passage. it is yet afflicted with
bed-wetting. depend upon it. the cause of
the difficulty is kidney trouble, and the first
step should be towards the treatment of
these important organs. This unpleasant
| trouble is due to diseased condition of the
kidneys and bladder and not TO a habit as
most people suppose.
Women as we'll as men are made mis-
cradle with kidney and bladder trouble.
and both need the same great remedy.
The mild and the immediate effect Of
Swamp-Root is soon realized. 1t is sold
by druggists. in fifty Ef
cent and one dollar ASs:."ss.ts
sizes. You may have Il is Ids
sample bottle by mail stfssl.ls..s$sERtspo slM$sRp
free, also pamphlet tell Home of sy,aup Root.
ing all about it, including many Of the
thousands OF testimonial letters received
from sufferers cured. In writing DR.. Kiln,sr
& Co., Binghamton. N. y, be sure and
mention this paper.
Danville intelligencer. [volume] (Danville, Pa.) 1859-1907, 1906-03-23
Women as Well as Men
Are Made Miserable by
Kidney Trouble.

Kidney trouble preys upon the mind, dis.
courages and lessons ambition; beauty, vgof
Danville intelligencer. [volume] (Danville, Pa.) 1859-1907, 1906-03-23
Tired
Nervous

When you feel languid, tired,
nervous and irritable, your vi
tality is low-your supply of
nerve energy exhausted, and
your system running down for
lack Of power,
The organs of the body are
working poorly, or not at all,
and you are not getting the
nourishment needed. This soon
impoverishes the blood and in
stead of throwing off the i'm
purities, distributes it all
through the body. This brings
disease and misery.
Feed the nerves with DR..
Miles Nervine, a nerve food, a
nerve medicine, that nourishes
and strengthens the nerves, and
see how quickly you will get
strong and vigorous.
'sMy wife suffered with nervousness
previous to recent attack of typhoid
fever. but after her recovery from the
fever, she was much worse. and could
hardly control herself being exceed
ingly nervous when the least excited.
She was very restless at night, and
never had a good nights rest. She
also suffered much from nervous head
ache. DR.. Miles Nervine was recon-
mended by friend After the first
three doses she had a good nights
rest. and at the end of the first weeks
treatment she was wonderfully i'm
proved. Continued use of Nervins has
completed her entire cure"
oTTo KoLB,
1921 Cherry St., Evansville, Ind.
Or. Miles Nervne Is sold by your
druggist who will guarantee that the
first bottle will benefit. Ii 1t falls, he
will refund your money.
Miles Medical Co., Elkhart, Ind
Danville intelligencer. [volume] (Danville, Pa.) 1859-1907, 1906-03-23
A DMINISTRATOR'S NOTICE

e OR SALE-A SMALL. FARM OF FOR
ty-slN acres, known as the Maugcr IA IN
located "a miioS northeast OF pottSgT0vc
Fair buildings, good fIuit, water at house and
barn. All cleared and under high state OF
cultivation. This farm Is offered Mt private
sille ana is dcs rable property. viii leave
nay, straw and fodder on the place. Posses
sion given this fall. Address,
l.. o. EVERI1T.
+. ID. l.. Pottsgrove, Ia.
Danville intelligencer. [volume] (Danville, Pa.) 1859-1907, 1906-03-23

by druggists. in fifty
cent and one dollal
sizes. You may have {
sample bottle by mai
free also namnhlet tell.
The Barre daily times. (Barre, Vt.) 1897-1959, 1906-02-09
WASH GOODS


First we want to call your attention
to cloth called Mcrceline SIN that
comes in plain eoIors, as follows
Cream, Red, Light Blue, Nile Pink and
Hcliotrope, and same grounds with coi.
ored figures, such as Rose Buds. This
cloth looks like sill. and regularly sells
for from zoe to 25e. We have this sala
Of these goods for Barre and are making
"a run on them At only l4c per yard.
Send for samples. !.
Lustre Voiles, the 15c grade, viii soon
be closed. Have you aeen what they airs
like? This Il another lucky purchase,
making the price only 10c per yard.
$3.50 and 50 90 that you can
r e -