davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Ottumwa tri-weekly courier. [volume] (Ottumwa, Iowa) 1903-1916, 1906-01-13

the other hand, the disciples Of Sir
Walter Raleigh could easily offer In
rebuttal the millions of tired brains
that are soothed and the equally null
titudinous hearts that are comforted
with what Bulwer called "the sweetest
solace, save religion, this side of
heaven" Still there is no denying the
fact that the money spent for liquor
and tobacco would pretty nearly re-
lieve all the poverty and distress in
the country, leave some for foreign
missions and church carDets-n 1t
were used for these purposes, which a
vast portion Of it would not be.
Ottumwa tri-weekly courier. [volume] (Ottumwa, Iowa) 1903-1916, 1906-01-13
sIDEI. CHI
A Gasp Of Dispair.

A Gasp Of Dispair.
I'm getting chilled at every turn,
I'm told that figures lie
There's no apprehensive shudder
When I whisper you may die
Endowment walks no curious quest
The public's mighty sore;
The only policy is-fo,lr-
Eleven forty four.
The Insurance Agents Despair
The manager OF show recently
playing an engagement in Ottumwa
was standing In the lobby, when q
frock- coated. silk-hatted. prosperous
fellow approached.
You're the manager?"
.'Ye-s," slowly, and the manager be-
gun to frame UP rundown for q
pass touch.
Say. can you use good comedian I
One who gets q laugh every time be
says word n
Well, that kind generally gets the
money. Who you been with? What's
your line?" asked the manager.
Never mind. I'll tell you what
You come over to the cafe and IL ]
dnr,t Eat a lauKh Gut Of aXarx man. xnr
Ottumwa tri-weekly courier. [volume] (Ottumwa, Iowa) 1903-1916, 1906-01-13
eUMPTIoN.

Des Moines News.--Gumption is to
success as cause is to effect
1t is the essential quality of a man
who is bigger than the circumstance
and his degree of success depends OH
the amount Of gumption in his make-
up.
The hossiers found the word They
say:
Gumption is the ability to put the
grease where the squeak Is.
Isn't that the basis of power?
Dewey had gumption when he cut
the cable.
So did the veteran fire chief in the
his trumpet: There will be hi to
pay If the fire gets into that rosin.5
If enough Of you men will fol-
low me, we'll go in there and dump
the whole outfit into the bay" The
men caught his spirit, followed-and
saved East Baltimore.
1t does not alwa-s take age to de-
velop gumption; it is born in a man
and often shows at an early age, as In
the case Of two boys. They had no
father and no income but wanted to
go to the high school. Their older
brother, member Of the large firm
which he had entered as office boy at
IL, saw no need for further education.
He had succeeded without 1t, and why
not tney! Ana ne lnOugnu IL was nigh
time for them to be earning their own
living The boys decided that it
wouldn't be anv harder to stay up at
one end of the night than the other,
so they worked up morning paper
route which eventually netted them
500 month. They solved the prob
lem by earning their own living and
going to school, too.
That's putting the grease where the
squeak is!
Every great man achieved his own
greatness.
To be great Is to work out the
strength within you. not to wear the
cloak Of power.
| The word gumption is peculiarly
American. 1t names the quality in us
which makes for success and pro-
gress.
1 Wherever the American is. he should
have gumption, he should be stronger
than the obstacle that confronts him.
| 1t was the ability to see what his
country needed that Lincoln, our
grandest American, tower over the
Little Giant it was the ability to carry
out what he saw was needed that
made Lincoln equal to all emergencies
Patience, insight courage and per-
severence-all Of those qualities which
make strength of character, which
give the power to see and to do-are
summed up in this one word-GUMP-
! TION
Ottumwa tri-weekly courier. [volume] (Ottumwa, Iowa) 1903-1916, 1906-01-13
- - = = = 1sssaa' go


Trance :, and Hyde is ready to Sr,rs
Iaik to man about providing tsh e
Wife and little one, and hen rea NeW Z,
under the bed and show you one L ) q
these dinky nickel plated SAVING. { :,
banks that holds about $40. And voyy.
cans show EN- the difference he.n,
tween per cent and 8 per cent. Nd
SIR, per cent is real money, and thl
other is hot air. 8 '> Il 4
or course. from now the insurance
companies are going to be good. md
any agent caught spending more than
AZ cents for lunch Will be fired. ana
there will be no rebate. I see wfera
Cleveland is going to get $4,000 a
year to look after that end Of ii Soma
day, perhaps after the 1000 year. sleen
episode in the Darling Of the Gods,
the people will get wise that their
money isn't going to gild country
mansions. or be burned up in steam
yachts--but Just now there is nothins
doing. Every insurance agent in ths
country Is feeling 1t. He's getting
living II he's there strong with ira
olarney, but any man who can 20 omf
unarmed, and come back with an ac.
ceptable application can make mora
money selling oil stock to titled heads
or books to the culture clubs"
Ottumwa tri-weekly courier. [volume] (Ottumwa, Iowa) 1903-1916, 1906-01-13
GEORGE AIDES AMBITION.

Folks say they have discovered the
real reason for George AIDES frenzied
methods of getting rich He has been
writing slang for so, long and selling
it for SO much money that his income
now is about twice that of Alice Roose-
velt's father. Mr. AIDE has been buy
ing farms and cattle with his money,
in. addition to devouring three or four
squares a day. Perhaps squares"
isn't just the word that should be used,
but in talking of the Hoosier writer it
is hard to use absolutely correct Eng
lish.
But now. 1t is said, Mr. AIDE has call
ed halt He is about to start writ
ing the Great American Novel. So
many people have tried this, people
from Indiana too, that it has come to
be something of joke, but then AIDE
is something of joker and he may
yet satisfy his ambition. Oh, yes, he
has an ambition. It was not with him
always, but William Dean Howells is
5 redited with having discovered it, or
really, to have sown the seeds that
resulted in it's sprouting. The story
is that some time ago the eminent
dean of American letters met the
young mangler of the Queens English
and asked him how much longer he In
tended writing slang. The publishers
and the public want 1t, retorted Mr..
AIDE but the veteran who had brought
himself up from the galley press of
an Ohio country newspaper shook his
head and proceeded to give the young
man some sage advice. While you
are wasting your endeavors on this
foolish form Of literature" he declar-
ed, you might be doing some thor
oughly good and lasting work. Good
writing is not thing Of mushroom
growth and. of course slang under no
condition is gooi writing. If you would
only continue to write real character
sketches, real pictures Of American
life, you some day will write the Great
American novel. 1t is yet to be writ
ten. We are all looking for it,
An then AIDE began talking. He
promised Mr.. Howells that as soon as
he had secured money enough" he
would set about the work Of producing
the Great American Novel. The time
has come now, it seems. and Mr. AIDE
is just about to quit butchering Eng
lish-has quit it, indeed, and will start
at the Great Work Immediately. There
is to be no touch of slang in it, and
none of the old AIDE style will be
there. 1t Is to be strictly American
hook, he promises, and the Great Amer
1 lean Novel.
| Now it would be really pleasant Il
that novel could be produced and the
anxious authors and would-be authors
could cease worrying their brains or
er their hopes to be the Great Ameri
4 can Author. But is it worth the prices
AIDE has given to the world some OF
| the best stuff In the way Of comic
opera and slang that can be found any
where. His funny foolishness has
scared away. countless wrinkles. His
| County Chairman" has in 1t enough
real good humor to make an old mar
young Then why should he give VI
the career that has been so fruitful
both for himself and for the public, and
become simply an author Anyone car
write novel, but it takes AIDES tc
write an AIDE book. Here's hoping thai
he will find the Great American Nov
ell too irksome task and will return
to his real field.
Ottumwa tri-weekly courier. [volume] (Ottumwa, Iowa) 1903-1916, 1906-01-13

An exchange contains long article
on chow to cook a rhinoceros." People
in the United States would be more
interested in an article on how to cook
cats and make them taste like rab-
bits. - Cedar Rapids Gazette.
Has the Gazette turned the barrel
over and started in at the bottom with
paragraphs? That one would have
been seasonable some twelve years
ago, in those times Of empty dinner
pals, but now the American has
things coming his way. If he wants
a rhinocerous he can get 1t. He has
the money and there's more where ii
came from. Whether 1t is rhinorecl
or humming birds, he can have them
Ottumwa tri-weekly courier. [volume] (Ottumwa, Iowa) 1903-1916, 1906-01-13
CORN CANNING IN oskALoosA.
Anderson Brothers concIude Neaotia.
tions With Civ counc,,

Oskaloosa, Jan. 11.-By action Of
the city council in abating taxes "a,
nye years, Oskaloosa has Sc.
cured another big factory that VIII
represent an investment Of $25, 600 and
employ 100 people during the busy
season OF the year. Anderson Bros
who built tomato cannery here three
years ago and last year marketed for.
ty-six carloads Of their product, VIII
build an Independent plant for the
canning OF sweet corn. Work will be.
gin on the new enterps je as soon az
building operations cslx be started in
the spring. =
Ottumwa tri-weekly courier. [volume] (Ottumwa, Iowa) 1903-1916, 1906-01-13
n N -777sf = = ~ 1Tsa 10
pick out, you're through beng both.

GTGQ. 't5f7 4 e ~
1t was new one to the manager.
to rig up in an impossible costume
tumble g few jokes from Joe Miller's
book. and then mutilate a song intend
ed to be funny. He took the chance.
The first man, who looked like a good
trial horse resembled a dyspeptic,
who had tried everything and was
cursing his luck because the supply
Of names for patent foods have given
out before he got relief.
Lets see you raise him. and he
pointed to the crusty codger,
Sure" and the comedian walked
over to him, spoke a few words and
the smile came.
"Good," said the manager. "Try the
big fellow over there" and he pointed
to husky, stalwart fellow, who look
ed like $10,000-a-year one. He's a
wise one, and no old gags will get
him." soliloquized the manager.
limit. Come on and have some
thing" and he saw the pair walk of
arm In arm, the big fellow still laugh
ing.
A half dozen trials brought similar
results.
You're the ticket all right. Tell II
to me- said the manager.
Sure, I'm with the Takeitall Life
Insurance company, and would like
to show you our new policy
Here, ha-ha-ha- here, old man
that's damned funny. Sell life insur-
ance. That's joke. Say, who are
your"
"Me7 I used to be a life insurance
agent, but I've been getting the laugh
SO strong right along ! thought. per-
haps, ought to be getting ready tc
succeed De Wolf Hopper, when he
abandons comic opera to play Hamlet
Won't dor,
OF course not all insurance agents
are going to be Eddie Toys. Some viii
be street car motormen, others will
acquire the lingo Of the hash joints
and hurry back with the ham and
still others will be bank presidents
maybe, or dry goods clerks, perhaps
and few plucky ones will try to sci
insurance.
THE good days are gone,. said one
of them to a Courier man yesterday
did you see the story in the papers
of the farmer who stood for a news
boys flim-fam game? I'll bet buggy
downent policv If the dividends each
period were larger than the nationa
bank reserve. II you had 1t guaran-
teed by Russell Sage and Hetty Green
or even II you put the dividend in his
pocket before he signed the applica-
ton he'd turn 1t down. He'd be afrai6
he'd want to scratch his nose and take
his hand out Of his pocket.
"That New York bunch has certain
ly put the game to the bad. Three's
nothing to It. Did you hear the story
about the hnancier who listened to 8
promoters scheme and after shaking
hands at parting, counted his fingers
to see IL they were all there? That's
the attitude Of the man who needs In
surance but cannot be convinced. HI
don't know what the game Is, but
he's afraid he won't be able to find
the little pea under the right shell
when the real bet Is UP.
I'm the old days 1t was easy to show
man that he'd have to die-some
time. Now you can't get that far II
the argument, though / can prove II
absolutely from our mortuary tables
He don't deny it, but somehow he
don't believe 1t, he thinks Jimmy
Hyde wants to give another dinner, o,
Judge Hamilton wants to buy a legis.
Llatnre. when he knows Hamilton ia IL
Ottumwa tri-weekly courier. [volume] (Ottumwa, Iowa) 1903-1916, 1906-01-13
TIN OrTUMWA COURIER

standard forms Of policies. They
should be uniform with all companies
plain. simple and direct"
Regardless of the question as to
whether an investigation Of the insur-
ance proposition in general is advis-
able. the logic of this one paragraph
Of the message cannot be denied. The
various ways of writing an insurance
policy and the many entanglements
that come up when the policy holder
heeds the advice printed so plainly on
the envelope" Read your policy
are known to everyone who has bought
insurance. If a standard form of pol
icy should be evolved, or more intel
ligent construction should be made
obligatory, there would be less trouble
and fewer Misunderstanding and the
result could not but be good one.
Ottumwa tri-weekly courier. [volume] (Ottumwa, Iowa) 1903-1916, 1906-01-13
WHAT COSTS.

u The joke about the Young man who
enoked and the six-story brick build
sg that he owned has furnished conso-
alton for many years to the men who
IKE to smoke. There is probably as
Plch reason for applying it to the
FINK question, too, but the fact re-
pains that in America every year a
last amount OF money is expended for
nese two classes of stimulants- lux
lr1es, they may be called. The Amer
can people spend $1,454,119,S53 a year
!, pr drink-beer, wine and proof spirits.
The government bureau of statistics
eports that there are consumed in the
United States in one year about 49,
100000 barrels of beer, 9S,Oo0,OO0 gal
Ions OF proof spirits and 30,500 900
gallons Of wine. These drinkables,
sold at retail. cost the consumer near
ly g billion and half dollars annually.
The Boston Traveller has statisti-
clan who has figured out to nicely
what good could be done with all this
money provided sit were put to really
useful purposes instead of being prac-
Atically thrown away" 1t affords some
consolation to think that the money is
Z lot entirely wasted, as 1t is being circu-
lated through all the avenues of trade
and affording a livelihood for thous-
lands of employees In the breweries, dis
Atilleries, wholesale and retail estab-
pishments, who would otherwise be
Thrown into the labor market in COM
petition with other men who now find
ample demand for their energies at
good wages.
Nevertheless, statistics are interest
ing and In some respects profitable.
This drink money would provide $780,
200 families, or 100000 people, with
comfortable homes, clothing and pro-
visions for twelve montbs To each
family 1t would give .$sSU for provi-
sions, $50 for clntRSstg, $50 for shoes,
$40 for newspaJ Il magazines and
books, $50 for. o., Ii and, charity, and
would build foe eleh family house
costing $1,000, u. is $3.50 to furnish it,
and then a ban Is would be left of
$264,119 900. encStA to erect 52,s1s
churches, each Cd irg $4,000. q
aIhis Bokton SuA1asar's distribution
sEious, according to our individual
IDEAS. but 1t is sufficient to point the
moral and when in addition we con.
lQer LnS TACT LnAJ INC united states
sads all other nations in the total
consumption Of tobacco, some idea
nay be gained as to the vast amount
hat is wasted every year upon these
Two luxuries. Americans consume
lao, 000, 900 pounds of tobacco annually;
Germany comes next with about 200,
100000 pounds; Russia, 150,00O,00O
bounds: France. 85,o00,000 pounds
hnd Great Britain little over 10000,
300 pounds. The only country that has
IA greater per capita consumption Of
Tobacco is Belgium, with GIL pounds
against $40 for the United States
awhile all the other nations fall far be
MIND.
M Statisticians could doubtless pro
Wluce marvellous statistics showing how
wnany times 44O,000,OOo pounds of to
@acco would reach around the earth
Mf it were unrolled in a continuous leaf
And other statistics as bewildering as
hey are useless in stemming the tide
Observation-Disclosures for the weed Rut or
Ottumwa tri-weekly courier. [volume] (Ottumwa, Iowa) 1903-1916, 1906-01-13
ELECTIONS in IOWA.

1t is time that the people Of Iowa
and the members of the legislature
look squarely at the primary election
proposition and deal with it in sensible
and practical manner The Courier is Of
those who believe that there is no gen
eral demand on the part of the think
Ottumwa tri-weekly courier. [volume] (Ottumwa, Iowa) 1903-1916, 1906-01-13

Senator Smoot, correspondent says
looks like a henpecked husband. Who
wouldn't, with million club women
after him. One of them is enough to
make many man hope for speedy
death. Think of a million. Poor
Smoot.
Ottumwa tri-weekly courier. [volume] (Ottumwa, Iowa) 1903-1916, 1906-01-13

The Des Moines Register and Lead
er has figured it out that the right def
milton for "pessimist" is, "a man who
fails to enjoy good winter weather for
fear bad weather may come later on"
Ottumwa tri-weekly courier. [volume] (Ottumwa, Iowa) 1903-1916, 1906-01-13

Captain Taggart has been sent to
the Philippines. The captain has been
there before, according to Donna
Something-or-O Other. But he is older
now. and it is to be hoped that he is
wiser too.
Ottumwa tri-weekly courier. [volume] (Ottumwa, Iowa) 1903-1916, 1906-01-13

Football in Iowa will be crime II
the bill proposed by one legislator be-
comes a law. But there are lot OF
Ottumwa tri-weekly courier. [volume] (Ottumwa, Iowa) 1903-1916, 1906-01-13

Ear, Stomach, Liver and Kidneys,
Gravel, Rheumatism, Paralysis, Neu-
ralgia, Nervous and Heart Diseases,
Blood and Skin diseases, Epilepsy
Bright's Disease and Consumption in
early stage. diseases of the Bladder
bacco habit. Stammering cured and
sure methods to prevent it's recurrence
Neck.
PILES. FIsTULAE and RUPTURE
guaranteed cured without detention
from business. Special attention given
to all Surgical cases and all diseases
Of the Eye, Ear, Nose and Throat and
Granulated Lids.
NERVOUS DEBILITY.
Are you nervous and Respondent;
weak and debilitated tired mornings;
no ambition--lifeless memory poor;
easily fatigued; excitable and irritable
eyes sunken: red and blurred; pimples
on face; dreams; restless, haggard
looking, weak back; deposit in urine
and drains at stool; distrustful want
Of confidence, lack Of energy and
strength?
DISEASES OF MEN AND PRIVATE
DISEASES A SPECIALITY.
Blood Poison, Spermatorrhea Vari-
cocele, Hvdrocele, Debility, Nervous
ness, Dizziness, Defective Memory
etc, which ruins mind and body, posi-
lively cured.
WONDERFUL CURES.
Perfected in old cases which have
been neglected or unskillfully treated
No experiments or failures. He un-
dertakes no incurable cases, but cures
thousands given up to die
Consultation Free and Confidential.
Address
DR.. w. E. Shallenberger,
145 lakewood Blvd, Chicago.
Reference: Drexel State Bank.
Ottumwa tri-weekly courier. [volume] (Ottumwa, Iowa) 1903-1916, 1906-01-13

The Oskaloosa Herald says state
primary law means that the ring" in
the large town In each county will
control the politics Of the country.
Ottumwa tri-weekly courier. [volume] (Ottumwa, Iowa) 1903-1916, 1906-01-13

Ihe cities of Iowa probably nee6
p.mary elections, II they can be wei
guarded and well conducted" says the
Cedar Rapids Republican. But wha'
do the people in the country precincts
where every man knows every othel
man and where the wrong man is sci.
dom nominated want with so expensive
an institution"
Ottumwa tri-weekly courier. [volume] (Ottumwa, Iowa) 1903-1916, 1906-01-13

The Iowa Falls Citizen has no grea
objection to submitting the proposed
primary law to the people. "Thi
Wouldn't be a bad ISSUE it suggests.
Ottumwa tri-weekly courier. [volume] (Ottumwa, Iowa) 1903-1916, 1906-01-13

The meeting of the legislature
seems to the Lake City Graphic a
waste of energy; it thinks Iowa is all
ready well provided with law.
Ottumwa tri-weekly courier. [volume] (Ottumwa, Iowa) 1903-1916, 1906-01-13

ionic Diseases Permanently Cured
DIR. SHALLENBERG
Regular and Reliable Chicago Specialist Treats Chronic
4 Diseases Only. Will be at
Otumwa, Balingall Hotel. Wednesday IAN. 81
Zone day only and return every Is days
Fairfield, Legget House Tuesday, Jan. 80 1906.
Sigourney, Merchants Hotel, Friday, Feb. 2,19oe
Office Hours mt to .. M.
Ottumwa tri-weekly courier. [volume] (Ottumwa, Iowa) 1903-1916, 1906-01-13
IOWA PRESS COMMENT.

''Des Moines has suffered great
deal on account Of misrepresenting re-
porters, and the offenders should be
discovered and publicly exposed in or
der that they may not continue their
work. says the Capital.
Ottumwa tri-weekly courier. [volume] (Ottumwa, Iowa) 1903-1916, 1906-01-13

for 10! these many moons, and don't
expect to buy one for long time yet"
Ottumwa tri-weekly courier. [volume] (Ottumwa, Iowa) 1903-1916, 1906-01-13

"The fake factory in Des Moines /
again operating on full time, and no,
that the legislature is in session,
will probably work a double shift,
says the Clinton Herald
Ottumwa tri-weekly courier. [volume] (Ottumwa, Iowa) 1903-1916, 1906-01-13

"Some Iowa politicians and news
papers are praising Dolliver now, I'M
der compulsion of public opinion. A
year ago they We're trying to kill him
politically" says the Rockwell City
Ottumwa tri-weekly courier. [volume] (Ottumwa, Iowa) 1903-1916, 1906-01-13

Perhaps Senator Depew doesn't
realize where he stands. He could
easily ascertain the fact by resigning
and asking reelection as vindica-
tion," says the Sioux City Journal.
Ottumwa tri-weekly courier. [volume] (Ottumwa, Iowa) 1903-1916, 1906-01-13

"You corner a fellow. up on the
tariff and he Invariably says how
about the tariff on steel rails 2" says
the Ames Times. What the thunder
do we care about the tariff on steel
rails2 Wa haNan't BOUGHT n staaI rail
Ottumwa tri-weekly courier. [volume] (Ottumwa, Iowa) 1903-1916, 1906-01-13
DR.. w. E. Shallenberger,

145 lakewood Blvd, Chicago.
Reference: Drexel State Bank.
The broad ax., 1906-01-20

college referred to. he also won two
gold medals.
Possessing such an abundance Of
musical ability, Mr.. Weir Is striving
to resume his studies at the L.eipsic
Conservatory OF Music, Germany,
within the next year, and with that
object in view, Jackson Gordon, who
is well known in this city, will in the
near future arrange a number Of high
class concerts in which the best mu-
steal talent OF the race will partici-
pate, and the money realized there
from will be utilized to help to defray
the expenses Of Mr.. Weir while pur-
suing his studies abroad.
The broad ax., 1906-01-20
Resisting Disease.

First, last and ali the time, IL you
you wish to avoid catching cold" says
Q writer in a medical Journal, keep
your strength at the maximum. When
ever the vitality is lowered by over
work, poor food. worry or by any 9TH
er cause, your power Of resistance Is
impaired and an opening Is made for
the thousand and one agencies Of dis
ease which are continually seeking to
break In"
The broad ax., 1906-01-20
FELIX =. WEIR WHO rs BECOMING
NOTED AS AN EXPERT
VIoLINIsT.

Is vel known to the old-time Chi
cagoans, for he Is to the manner
born, and when eleven years Of age
he attracted considerable attention by
his playing on The violin. After
studying for some time under various
instructors he finally entered the Chi
cago Musical College. where he dill
gently pursued his studies, which
bore fruit in 1905. for in that year he
won the college diamond medal, in
the teachers certificate class. against
Is students who entered this class,
and he was the first AfroAmercan
student to win such high honors.
In the three years he studied In the
The broad ax., 1906-01-20
Look to the Sneeze.

A doctor remarks: What strikes
one most at a Bengal hospital is the
lack Of sense Of proportion in the es-
timation Of diseases. A man is grave
" perturbed because he has not
sneezed for three months, but he Is
comparatively Indifferent to the fact
that he exhibits the early signs Of
leprosy."