davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Washington herald., 1906-11-29
Persistent PessImism.

From the Chicago Tribune
Raynor-What are you looking so blue
about2 Didn't the election go your way?
Shyne-Ies: but 1 can't help realizing
that Congress will meet in a few weeks,
the season Of Christmas presents comes
a little later. / have to do my annual
swearing of on New Years Day. my
wife's great aunt is coming 20 visit US In
February. I have a note to meet in
March, and I'll have to vote another
blanket ballot at the city election in
ADTii
The Washington herald., 1906-11-29
The Last Word.

From the Catholic STANDARD and Times.
'Aw. g'On Mike" said the British sol
dicr. attempting 10 end the argument;
you're lobster"
"Ye hatter me-" retorted Mike; "shure.
a Iobster's wise animal, fur green is
the colcr fur him as long as he lives. an
he'll die before he puts on a red coat"
The Washington herald., 1906-11-29
The Morning Vim.

Fr-m the FhII8dCphia Press
Major said Deacon Cooley, who had
come to demonstrate with Maj Kahn
tuck on the morning after. your friends
are becoming alarmed about YOU. Now.
I think it's about time you had your
eyes opened
Capital idea. suh"' exclaimed the
major, I was just about to ordah one.
Glad to have YOU Join me. sun
The Washington herald., 1906-11-29
An Tuderstudy.

From the Yonkers Statesman.
Have you got a job. Sam?"
Yes, sah.''
What are you doing?"
I'm an understudy, sab"
An understudy, Sam?'
Yes, sah. My wife does washin', and
I'm her understudy"
But have you ever been called upon tC
take her placer"
mo, sab, hain't got dat far yit, sah"
The Washington herald., 1906-11-29
our In.uInr Possessions

From the St. Louis Republic.
The temper of the American people
must change greatly before they VIII ad-
NIT 60 an equal share in their govern
meut the inhabitants Of any region that
is detached from the main bouy of the
United States
The Washington herald., 1906-11-29
ONE RAY OF JOY.

In mingled wrath and gloom the woman
sits.
1t Is awful" she says. Tt is simply
awful To-day I saw another woman who
mad on a dress that is precisely the same
as mine. And mine was guaranteed to be
an exclusive model"
For some moments she gives herself Up
10 the bitterest thoughts. Then she looks
up with something Of "a brighter counte-
nance and signs.
We'll anyway. there's one comfort.
That other woman is feeling just as badly
as I do about It,
The Washington herald., 1906-11-29
The SenueI.

you remember that young lady who
was rescued by that handsome young fel-
low last summer
Yes, yesi What was the seQuel2"
"She has just sued him for nonsupport. IS
The Washington herald., 1906-11-29
Fixed.

What do you expect to do when the
day Of judgment comes?" inquired the
earnest young preacher.
Act as "a patroness, Of course" answer
ed naughty Mrs. De Style.
The Washington herald., 1906-11-29
PEOPLE OF NOTE.
Dubois Almost Won.


BY a margin of only about 500 votes the
Republicans carried their legislative ticket
in Idaho. They viii have nearly forty
majority on joint ballot. but eighteen or
twenty of these were elected by plurali-
ties so smali-in some cases as low as
eight and ten-that had 800 Of their voters
staid away from the polls. Senator Du-
bois would have been returned 20 the
Senate. As it is. he win be succeeded
by the Hon. William BOrah, of Boise
City, one OF the leading lawyers Of the
State. Senator Dubois made brave and
an audacious fight. MOrmonism was the
issue which ne made paramount In
point Of fact, IT Is the sole issue In his
State. He is confident he would have won
had not Secretary Taft with whom be
attended college at Yale. gone out to
Idaho at the direction Of the President
and made stirring speeches for the Re
publicans 4 curious feature Of the cleo
ton was that apparently most OF the
women who availed themselves Of the
franchise voted the Republican ticket In
spite Of the fight Senator Dubois made
on Mormonism and polygamy. Eighteen
Of the Republican members Of the legis-
lature electet are bishops or Jhe MoIAoh
Church. For nearly twenty years Sena-
tor Dubois has been the most conspic-
uous and influential member Of either
branch Of Congress from the far North
west. His retirement 70 private life VIII
cause genuine regret among his col
leagues Of the Senate as well as among
large circle Of personal friends IN
Washington. No member Of Congress is
more popular with the newspaper men,
because no member Of Congress has been
more accommodating or helpful TO news
gatherers at the Capitol
The Washington herald., 1906-11-29
Mhat NO. ReaIIy Wand.

From he Houston Fost-
Young Rockefeller says wealth leads to
idleness and sin Everybody knows
that Why doesn't he tell US what leads
TO wealth. That's what people want TO
know
The Washington herald., 1906-11-29
Thoughts That Burn.

From the Hamilton Post.
Il have here some verse that is full of
fire.
And we have here. replied the editor.
a FIRE that is full Of verse"
The Washington herald., 1906-11-29
THE SIMPLE LIFE.

] ask not wealth OF high estate;
The burden Of too large a board.
The constant strain C being great.
Would only make NE bored.
a few nice roGms-just here a book,
And there a piCture-decent vine,
Coed carpets. and a cultured cook,
And ] should net Tepine.
Ny tiny coach house might contain
For night a brougham. for day a cart;
I should not mind their being plain
As long as they were smart.
DUN DUN
The Washington herald., 1906-11-29
Putting II Arnr.

Coin to hab turkey foh dinnah, .Pete?''
"Nossah. Coin 10 hab turkey fob
breakfast. Den if any 'nquisitve pussons
wishes 10 come about. Iuff EN- come"
The Washington herald., 1906-11-29
Insult on Injury.

Fine collection Of post cards you have. -
Yes. responded the eminent detective,
gloomily; "A lot Of the people I'm after
consider IL funny 20 mail 'em TO me"
The Washington herald., 1906-11-29
WHY He Remnins.

From the Baltimore American
No doubt Senator Platt feels that it is
his duty to remain in the Senate. so that
he can uphold the honor of that body by
voting to exclude Smoot
The Washington herald., 1906-11-29
On the Cnntrnrr

From the Chicago Evening Post
4 Rock Island professor says a world
Language is an idle dream. On the con
trary, it is a busy nightmare.
The Washington herald., 1906-11-29

The Sugar Trust has been fined for ac-
cepting rebates. but the fine only amounts
20 about one-half the rebate. It seems
that the stock Of rebates instead of be-
ing closed out has simply been marked
down SO per cent.
The Washington herald., 1906-11-29
THE OWL.

The owl is declared TO be wise:
It's made up Of feathers and eyes
That's not much. but then
There are lots Of wise men
Who are judged by their looks and their
size.
WILBUR NESBIT.
Copyright. 1905 by ". D. Nesbitl
The Washington herald., 1906-11-29
ThnnksRirinr Rhvme.

Now the poet forth doth blossom. for OF
topics he's stock when the frost is on
the 'possum and the pie is In the shock.
The Washington herald., 1906-11-29

Ihe most trying thing to Senator TIL
man was struggling through it all without
the approving presence of Mayor Dunno.
The Washington herald., 1906-11-29

\ Pennsylvania court has decided that
woman has a right 10 demand fine
clothes, If necessary. 10 enhance her
beauty. over in Kentucky they fairly
rcvel IN the thought that the finest clothes
made could not enhance the beauty Of a
Bluegrass girl
The Washington herald., 1906-11-29

Fer one thing we deserve and demand
fuH and complete credit. During the en-
tire time we never once sought 20 grow
faCeuous because the President made a
fun stop at Colon. when he should merely
have hesitated.
The Washington herald., 1906-11-29
In Chicngo. Anvwnr

From the Chicago Record Herald.
The worst feature about divorce is
that it usually results in two more mar
riages.
The Washington herald., 1906-11-29
oliver to Dig the Canal.

What appears to be concerted move
ment among influential men. with a
strong representation at Washington. has
been started to have the contract for con
structing the Panama Canal awarded to
William J. Oliver, Of Knoxville. Tenn.
Mr. oliver is one of the largest and the
boldest contractors in the United States.
and has undertaken great enterprises that
many older and more excerienced con-
tractors have shied eff from. An Indi-
anaian by birth and only forty years CID
he has amassed q big fortune and attained
u power of the first magnitude among
men of large affairs of the South He
now has on his hands contracts for con-
structiOn work that aggregate I'm value
more than S30, COCO 600. has co-cperated with
Chairman Shonts, Of the Isthmian Canal
Commission. in railroad building. and is
understood TO have the full confidence Of
that official MT oliver utilizes negro
labor almost entirely. and should he be
awarded the contract for constructing the
canal it is said that he would thin the
South of thousands of its idle and dan
gerous black by taking them TO Panama
to work or the big ditch.
The Washington herald., 1906-11-29

4 do not CRY. oh. Fair Oh. Fine" -
MARBLES a Georgia poetess. Perhaps she
would, however, had she attuned her
Tyre I'm Porto Rico or Panama.
The Washington herald., 1906-11-29

Many Southern men are suggested sor
the Presidency. but no one has so far in
!imated amy overwhelming desire TO see
Tom Watson run again.
The Washington herald., 1906-11-29

The peanut crop may be ten million
bushels, but until we learn the size Of the
red lemonade crop we decline to forecast
The circus outlook.
The Washington herald., 1906-11-29

The Early Bird, a New Mexican train,
was held up the other day. The early bird
is used 10 being held up as an example
~ extreme virtue.
The Washington herald., 1906-11-29

Another one Of Capt. Cooks skulls has
been discovered. What a heady fellow
Old Capt. Cook must have been. anyhow.
The Washington herald., 1906-11-29

The turkey, imagining itself an airship OF
late, VIII now take the usual tumble
The Washington herald., 1906-11-29

Notwithstanding his rough and row
dish" way. it is not at all probable that
South Carolina would be willing 20 swap
TfIIman for-wen. say. either, or both,
Of the highly respectable and polished
Senators from New York.
The Washington herald., 1906-11-29
Porter succeeds SmnIIex.

George W. Smalley las been succeeded
DIS American correspondent Of the London
Times by Robert P. Porter. who has
opened an Office in Washington for the
Thuuderer. Although an Englisnman by
birth. Mr.. Porter is much better known
in the United States than on the other
side Of the Atlantic. For many years he
was c0nspicuOUsly identified with Ameri-
can journalism, and attained high stand
ing among the tariff experts Of this coun-
try. His last journalistic venture in the
United States was at Cleveland. Ohio
where he founded an afternoon paper. He
enjoyed close relations with Blaine. Mo
Kinley. Dingley and other high priests of
protection. who were the leaders Of their
party a generation ago. and through their
influence he was entrusted with govern
mental statistical work Of Importance to
the cause Of protection. He II was who
made the census of 1896. For several
years Mr.. Porter has been on the staff Of
the Times. in London as its commercial
editor IN returning to Washington he
comes among friends who are extending
him a warm welcome. one Of his chief
aims Will be 10 cultivate a closer unioa
between the two countries
The Washington herald., 1906-11-29

We are not sure about the north pole.
but II lady ever goes hunting the south
pole It Is a sure thing that the latter
VIII don its hat politely and say. AT
yah service. madam"
The Washington herald., 1906-11-29
walsh Turns Up Again.

Il develops that the Hon. Charles A.
Walsh, who was secretary Of the Demo
cratic National committee in both Of the
Bryan campaigns and was also the Iowa
member Of that 0ragnlzation. has not quit
politics. as was thought to be his in
tention when he chanted the requiem Of
free Institutions in the letter announcing
his withdrawal from the committee. AIr.
Walsh is stil in charge Of headquarters
in Chicago for the propagation OF the
political principles Of William Randolph
Hearst. The Iowa Democracy is in fret
fui turmoil over the selection Of his sue
cessor Tor the national committee. The
celebrated Cato Sells than whom the COM
mon people have no more vigilant or
energetic an advocate. seems TO have a
lusry following for the place, but he is
beng opposed by the Hon. w. ". Marsh.
who supported the Palmer and BUckner
ticket IN 1886 Judge Martin J. Wade, who
was strong enough 20 win a Congress seat
from the Republicans "a few years ago. is
also a candidate but IL appears that the
factionists are determined to put either
Sells or Marsh IN the place iu order 70
acccntuate the prevailing opinion ~ pres
ent as 10 what the party should do IN
1868. Mr.. Walsh seems TO have kicked
entirely over the traces when he re-
signed from the committee, and is now
not a Democrat lie is an Independent
Lacquer.
The Washington herald., 1906-11-29

The best thing in the world to queu a
Clban revolution is the dinner bell.
The Washington herald., 1906-11-29
Can Chandler Get Backf

The press representatives at the Capt.
tol, 10 say nothing Of other groups Of per
sons whose business or pleasure IS 20 fol-
low the proceedings of Congress. hope
there is solid foundation for the report
that In the queer scrimmage now going
on in New Hampshire over the United
States Senatorship the Hon. William Ea-
ton Chandler viii emerge with his scraw-
ny form enveloped in the toga. At pres
ent Nr Chandler is chairman of the
Spanish Treaty Claims Commission. He
was appointed TO this position by Presi-
dent Mckinley soon after ne went down
% defeat in the battle which for years he
had waEed against the railroads I'm his
state, and has been continued in the Of
fee by President Roosevelt. IN spite Of
the sharp question of veracity that arose
last spring between him and the Presi-
dent over certain negotiations for support
OF ;he administration Tailroad-rate pro
Cramme. Mr.. Roosevelt only few weeks
aCo commissioned MI Chandler for an
other siX-mOUths term as chairman Of the
Claims Commission The newspaper men
want him returned 10 the Senate. be-
cause they know that n he should get
back 90 that august tribunal there would
be- something doing just az those dull
times when The C0nscript Fathers are
least Inclined to strenuous activity. Mr..
Chandler had @ way about him when a
member Of the Senate of stirring UP trou-
bic and excitement al the most unexpect-
ed moments. When 60 pleased his mood
for the Senate not 20 be guiescent or
duh. be knew how 90 create debate that
led to turmoil. At the height of the ex-
element and when the Senator'S were
threating 20 pull hair and do other Un-
senatorial things TO one another, the New
Hampshire statesman usually glided out
20 the cioakroom and there held his sides
TO prevent them from splitting with
laughter. No two men in public life ara
warmer friends than are he and Senator
Til'man. bat they have had some of the
liveliest rows in the Senate that have been
witnessed there IN modern times. The
South Caroliui1n never seemed to realize
that his New Hampshire chum stirred
him I'D only TO have fun.
The Washington herald., 1906-11-29

Tho way Poultney BigelOw is busying
himself saying nothing also helps greatly.
The Washington herald., 1906-11-29

ON Thanksg wing Day a man should
be thankful for whore he is. D." says a New
York paper Several well-known parties
now sojourning at Sing Sing will decline
to swallow any such advice as that
The Washington herald., 1906-11-29

Some Of the things said about Mr.. Gug-
genheim make his smelter trust look ike
a cold storage plant.
The Washington herald., 1906-11-29

Souvenir turkeys may be had al the
post card empOriums az two for five.
That would be something like it. II only
a souvenir appetite We're all one had To-
satisfy
The Washington herald., 1906-11-29

Two former partners in business now
ranking with the great captains OF
france. John W. Gates and Col. Isaac
ElwOod. OF Chicago. are at the New VIII
lard. The gentlemen say that their visit
here is entirely enc Of pleasure, Mr.. Gates
asserting that his chief object was TO
watch the sOnies run at BenniHg.
Mr.. John 5. Miller, of Chicago. counsel
for the Standard Oil Company in It's
present litigation with the government, is
st the New willard
The Washington herald., 1906-11-29

OHIO has lad just nineteen years Of
age who weighs 4S pounds. They begin
training hd-sitteTs early out there.
The Washington herald., 1906-11-29

Every bitter has it's sweet; If Congress
never met, il couldn't adjourn.
The Washington herald., 1906-11-29

When the Sultan Of Morocco appointed
Rausnh grand mogul Of the kingdom. he
probably got his cue from some of our
states that persist in electlne trust mag
mates % the United States Senate
The Washington herald., 1906-11-29

Some Massachusetts people are so prud-
isb they would squeak AZ Eve wearing
"a pcek-a-bo5 shirt waist.
The Washington herald., 1906-11-29

A BiughamtOn minister claims 10 have
solved the riddle Of the Sphinx, but re-
fuses 10 tell it, That's just the way the
Sphinx acts about it also.
The Washington herald., 1906-11-29

\ shining example of the scholar in
politics is furnished by Hon Hugh
Thomas Miller. lieutenant governor Of In
diana. who is ar the New Willard. Gov.
Miller was a professor in Butler College
before he went into practical politics He
married the daughter CT one of the most
noted preachers in Indiana, Rev L T.
Sweeney, who ms more than once preach
ed to Washington congregations from the
pulpit of the Christian Church.
Lieut. Gov. Miller stands shoulder u
shoulder with Gov. Haniy in the reforms
advocated by the Hoosier chief executive,
especially for 2-cent railroad fares. the
establishment Of public repositories for
public funds, and law regulating private
banks.
The Washington herald., 1906-11-29

'Pique.' said Caruso. Pinch" said the
lady Ten dollars" said the judge.
The Washington herald., 1906-11-29

This transferring Of ultima tums from
,he Sublime Porte TO the Moroccan gov
er1ment must strike Abdul Hamia as
very much ike going from the sublime
20 the ridiculous
The Washington herald., 1906-11-29

A Chicago woman wants a divorce be-
cause her husband prefers listening 20 a
phonograph rather than her conversation
Her conversation must be something
fierce.
The Washington herald., 1906-11-29

II marriage were, really and truly. a
failure, do you have any idea II would
attract as much attention as it does?
The Washington herald., 1906-11-29

It is quite evident that the colored
brethren now look upon President Roosa-
welt and Senator TiIIman as the un-
heavenly twins
The Washington herald., 1906-11-29

-
Some Of the things said about Mr.. Gur-
genheim make his smelter trust look like
a cold storage plant.
Every bitter has its sweet; If Congress
never met, It couldn't adjourn.
Souvenir turkeys may be had az the
post card emp0rums at two for five
That would be something like il. II only
souvenir appetite were all one had 10
satisfy.
Ohio has a lad just nineteen years OF
age who weighs 4S pounds. They begin
training hd-sitters early out there
When the Sultan Of Morocco appointed
RausHh grand m0gul Of the kingdom. he
probably got his cue from some of our
states that persist in electlng trust mag
mates 70 the United States Senate.
Some Massachusetts people are so prud-
ish they would squeak AZ Eve wearing
"a pcek-a-boo shirt waist.
"Pique" said Caruso. Pinch said the
lady. Ten dollars" said the judge.
This transferring Of ultimatums from
che sublime Porte to the Moroccan gov
erumcnt must strike Abdul Hamid as
very much ike going from the sublime
20 the ridiculous
A Chicago woman wants a divorce he
cause her husband prefers listening 20 .
phon0graph rather than her conversation
Her conversation must be something
fierce.
It is quite evident that the colored
brethren now look upon President Roosa-
welt and Senator TiIlman as the un-
heavenly twins
II marriage were. really and truly. a
failure. do YOU have any idea II would
attract as much attention as it does?
A BiughamtOu minister claims 10 have
solved the riddle Of the Sphinx, but re-
fuses 10 tell it, That's just the way the
Sphinx acts about it also.
'On Thanksg. wing Day a man should
be thankful for where he is" SAYS a New
York paper Several well-known parties
now sojourning at Sing Sing will decline
TO swallow any such advice as that
We are not sure about the north pole
but II a lady ever goes hunting the south
pole it is a sure thing that the latter
viii doH its hat politely and say. AT
yah service, madam"
The Washington times., 1906-03-13
Situations Wanted-nale.

WANTED-By young clerk and meat cutter
position in or out Of town: references Ad-
dress J. A b. Times Office. mh15-2t
WANTEp-By colored man, horse collar
maker q Job 487 Missouri ave nv. mhi2-2t
WANT3D-By colored man, harness repairer
a job 467 Missouri ave. NV mhl3-rr
WILL PAY S. to anyone getting me Dace
driving a delivery wagon; paying good sal
airy Adress c LOWELL. 1147 Trinidad 81
ne mhI3-3t
WANTED-By colored boy. place as porter
work or any Kind; references. Address al
frahKlln 81. NV. mh13-5t
WANTED-By young man, position OF any
kind: can furnish reference. Address BOX
as. Times of1css nh12-2t
The Washington times., 1906-03-13
Help Wanted-Male.

WANTED-A man for general blacksmith
Apply 10 1U55 3lst st It
WANTED-An experienced young man under
p IN a mems furnishing dept Address BOX
49, Times office. mh13-3t
WANTED-A boy Is for special work: good
salary Address BOX 49, Times once.
WANTED-Laborer- S02 K st. NV mh13-3t
WANTED-Young colored man as porter for
our suit department. !. & ". EISEMAN,
SIS 9Th st. NV. mh13-2t
WANTED-A good. reliable man To drive milk
wagon; must have good reference, highest
wages to right party. call 125 " 81. NV
mh1S-3t
NEUTRALITY-SUSPICIOUS. presser on pants; must
be Al JNO I. KOCH. fourth floor Hutchins
building, 10th and D SITS. mh13-st
WANTED-A boy to learn blue printing and
photography, LE-ksS BROTHERS. 6l5 18th st.
II
The Washington times., 1906-03-13
Business Chances.

FOR sALE-Grocery. with living rooms. go
I'm ST. Sc. mhi3-6t
FOX SAIE-GrOcery; two horses. two wagons
ahd harness; nine years same place: cheap.
A1lIes5 OWNER, Times Office. mhi3-3t
FOH sAl+E-WiH sacrifice fixtures for gro
mhlS-3t
a COOPERATIVE LOAN ASSOCIATION
H%it Pay = per cent monthly for additional
ca'tLaii suDJsct 10 withdrawal any time.
80 80 Io-1 AZ. Times office. mhl3-3t
she must be com petent with some Susf(,rlar-s.
a good location, with every facility. Ad-
aiess BOX Al Times Office n7hT7-7t
The Washington times., 1906-03-13
For Rent
Furnished and UNFINISHED Room

Furnished and Unfurnished Rooms.
ONE. tWa. OF three rooms for rent, fur
uLsLe1 or uurlrElsHeE. -aal cheap. ET5 ian
ST. NV 1r
FOR EENT--zrg front rooms furnished OF
unfurnlshe1 for lsHt housekeeping 1915
Columbia 81. uHE 7r
FRONT and back Uarlar. one room on Sec
ond ae1r, furnished. housekeerl1E- as sth &C.
49, T9F.s>-S- 60 - -
n.saed roolls- sia u So Hsv- HhT--gt
THREE furnished. uGfgruisard. OF partly
Furnished segHr- story rooms bath same
floor also large porch. Address BOX 81
Times Office MINT -
The Washington times., 1906-03-13
Wall Paper.

HAVE YOUR PAPERHANGING done now
while prices are low. CARLISLE RROS
Gas II St. ne. Phone Est 1887. mhi1-St
WM- Y. MAHONEY me Progressive PsDer-
hanger, reliable, protGpt, cheap legal ga r
autee covers al our work. send bostsI for
free samples and estimate Main store e02
Pennsylvania ave Sc telephone Cast III T.
or following agencies. De Maine & Co s207
NJ ST. NV; Edlavitch's store. Bowie Nd
10 Monroe ST, Ana -5stia; FowIer's store.
Congress Heights; gu New York ave nv:
Is30 Z St Sc Coma ysay's store, Laurel Nd
General store, GieEiaIe; new agency just es-
Iuha-7t