davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1906-05-15
Here and There
HANDY DOUBLES.

h. n T.
Prince Victor Buonaparte has dou-
BILE who attends political reunions for
him, and Is conscientiously shadowed
by the political police while the real
man pursues the even tenor of his way
Napoleon III. was likewise In the habit
OF getting a well-knoWn Partisan mer-
chant. who was as like him as Two
peas 10 take his place in public when
ever for reason OF gallantry or other
wise he himself wished TO be free. Not
the least amusing OF French doubles
was NJ CIemenceau's who lived In the
latters constituency (aIontmartre) and
TejoIced In the name OF Qucssada'
Thanks to this mans daily wanderings
about the neighborhood. Clemenceau
acquired a totally undeseryed roputa-
tlon for nursing his seat and received
many valuab BILE hints from his duplicate
concerning cases of distress and other
local matters. On the other hand.
Quessada derived great delight from
the impcrsonation, and was constantly
being asked TO dinner or treated 10
drinks by feryent admirers OF the poll
tician
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1906-05-15
DOG ANSWERS TELEPHONE

An up-to-date dog Is one that an
swers the telephone. The senior pari-
ner or an influential London firm has
taught mis- dog not only to guard tho
office during his absence b,it also ~
report "Alfs welr' during the time tho
premises are closed at week ends. one
or the old-fashioned telephones. which
does not require that the receiver
should be taken off Its holder. ia 1xed
up In the office, and under this the dos
stands. His master rings up the Office
and then calls until the attention OF the
aog Is aroused, when the canine care
taker barks loudly to show that ali +.
well with him and with the ofTIce
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1906-05-15
THE INDIAN SOCIALIST.

Coneyvillc KnnJ Record
The Indian Is a Socialist, He prob
ably would not recognize his sentiment
by that name, but II Is true, nevertne-
less. and he represents Socialism I'm the
fullest sense OF the term The Indian
believes in communal rights. He does
not believe in the advancement of one
over the general. He believes In the
theory OF communal ownership Of all
necessities of life, even to the land 1T
self. The Indian further believes that
so long as there is anything to divide
it should be divided freely and equally.
In his natural state the Indian believes
that II you have food In your house
and hecl,as none you should divide, II
there is corn in his crib and none in
yours 1t Is his duty TO divide with you.
II this you refuse TO do YOU are not his
friend. These socialIstic principles have
been imbedded in the Indian life as long
as there has been tribal existance in
America, and it Is still eXtant in the
Eve civilized tribes where the Indian
has not become fully naturalized in the
white mans way and forgotten the
ways of his ancestors.
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1906-05-15
THE CURES AS HOSTS.
Pail Mall Gazette.

FaT Mall Gazette.
Prof. and Nine. Curie, who for so long
scorned delights and lived laborlous
days, were not without a sense OF hu-
NOR The story is told that when all
the world was ringing with their praise.
they invited a few choice friends to
their rooms In Paris and regaled them
with a meal served up In the chemical
apparatus used in their experiments.
The lights wer turned Off, but the dark
ness-to use an Irlshism-could be seen
by the brilliant spluttcring of the In
fnitesimal bits of the new element
which remained in the laboratory ves-
sells What disastrous results, if any,
followed this freakIsh meal history de-
poseth not All we know Is that the
professor survived to meet his present
untimely fate, and madame lives to
mourn him.
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1906-05-15
A SINISTER PROPHET.

| President Joseph F. Smith, of the
| Mormon church, Is very much opposed
| to members OF the mon producing
professions. Upon many occasions.
| from the vantage ground OF his high
| pulpit In the Tabernacle and In private
| conversation with his adulators. he has
| taken occasion to designate lawyers
and even doctors. as cormorants OF So
ciety, and while speaking as n reve
lator he has abused the members of
| these learned vocations as parasites
who feed upon the body polite and
make no adequate return. Upon one
particular occa sion he designated his
own SONS as the type OF producers"
whose great utility In the world made
them worthy OF emulation
President Joseph F. Smith has en-
larged his vocabulary. and now speaks
of lawyers and doctors as "shysters."
The physician is n shyster who places
his science and art at the command Of
the afflicted. The attorney is a shyster
who advises and pleads for his client
Webster defines shyster as, IA trick
iSil hlldN' cb JpCfpn T
Smith thinks that the doctors and
lawyers of the community are corno-
rants are parasites are non producers
and are trickish knaves? That Is his
general reprobation OF the cultured
gentlemen. Instead of recommending
these sluggerds TO go to his ant, he
directs them to watch his sons, who
are the exemplars OF productive indus
try.
But, talking of "shysters," how about
a "shyster' prophet-not to say any,
thing Of prophet parasite. a holy cor
morant, a sanctiied gobbler of the prod
uct Of other peoples toll?
Take the worst ouack who ever
poured nasty nostrum down the
throat Of a gull. take the most con-
tcmpuble pettifogger OF the law who
ever buncoed his own client out Of a
fraudulent fee multiply the pair of
them by all the cases OF quackery and
pettifoggery In their two professions:
and then, for genuine sbystering, the
whole mass Of .trickish knaVes" I'm
medicine and law cannot compare In
magnitude with the shystering Of the
shyster prophet of the Mormon church
a fellow who takes a fee of two mil
lions year for the revelations he does
not reveal; n cormorant who swallows
the homes Of widows and the patri-
mony of orphans; a parasite who lives
on the body OF the communlty-that ls
the shyster seer, Joseph F Smith
Some one Of these days-God grant
1t may be long time hence-th!s crea-
ture will fall Ill; and then he Will send
In hot haste for the doctors for his
coward soul fears death and the grave.
Some one of these days-God grant II
may be soon-he may be called upon |
to make an accounting In this world |
for the worldly trust which he has as
sumed; and then he will send nadIy |
for the lawyers to protect him from |
the consequences Of his offending. They
VIII be no shysters then, these learned |
professors OF medicine and the law.
unless II makes a man a shyster to
treat a shyster patient or defend a
shyster client
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1906-05-15
OLD FAITH-CURE REVIVED

There was revival OF an interesting
old faith-cure at the parish churcn oI
Sutcomoe. In North Devon. on Sunday
woman who suffered from epilepsy
at the persuasion of a neighbor who
ala the same thing nineteen years ago
and had not suffered since induced
thirty married men to attend the par
lsh church. At the close of the service
the rector asked these men to pass out
one by one, and as they did so they
each dropped a penny In the lap OF the
woman, who was sitting In the porch
Ihe thirtieth man took the twenty-nine
pennies and gave half-crown, which
Is TO De MADE into ring for tn wo-
man TO wear. The ceremony was cav
ried out with the utmost solemnity
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1906-05-15
LATEST FLYING MACHINE.

London Tit-Blts.
NJ. Santos -Dumont Is having built an
aeroplene as well as flying machine.
The former will be a sort of an arrow,
nearly 30 feet long, having a head 2s
feet broad at the base On the shaft
viii oe fixed two silk wings. having q
total surface of 236 square feet
stretched on bamboo frame and curry
ing slightly downward at the sides.
The passenger Will be seated in a bas-
l6et beneath the double wings. below
which will also be a twenty four-horse-
power motor, working two propellers
each 6Iz feet in diameter. Finally, an
artlculate tail will act as rudder
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1906-05-15
SHOOTS RETIREMENT.

Apostle Shoots friends arc saying
that he is only holding to his place in
Washington now in order to vindIcate
the rights OF the people OF Utah, but
that he Will not be a candidate for re-
election in case the Senate shall decide
that he is entitled to hold his seat
during his present term.
The two parts of the proposition are
self contradcting
The people of Utah are not vIndl-
Gated by Mr. Shoots remaining in tho
Senate; on the contrary. they are being
injured and insuIted. Mr.. Smoot holds
to his seat In the Senate because he Is
under direction OF the chief of the
Mormon church. and under the added
inducement OF his own selfish ambition
There is no element OF community ser
Vice in his attitude He stays to win
dicate" himself
AT the end of Senator Smoots pres
ent term-if Utah should unhappi!y be
compelled TO suffer the wrong until
March 8. 19O9-Apostle Smoot would
then demand reelection as a genuine
''vindicatIon"-of himself. II Is non
sense to suppose otherwise When he
was proposed for the Senate, four years
ago, thoughtful men demonstrated. The
reply of his closest friends in the
church was this I'VE might as well
put 1t to the test TO see whether an
apostle has right to sit in the Senate
or not. Furthermore, the time has
hn Ion % he Y,t,l lal k,s
the voice OF inspiration" BY the same
reasoning, in 1905. Smoot and his
friends would say: Let us put 1t to
the test this time to see whether we
can elect an apostle without having a
protest or not. Besides, the time has
again come to have the Nation en-
lightened by revelations through the
servants Of God"
The Mormon church did not enter
upon this war OF invasion without due
consideration. The herarchs recog-
nized that they might antagonlze the
sentimentalities of the country by their
outrageous proceeding. But their pur-
pose was to install one OF their num-
Der in the highest legislative council |
VI 'Hs "orlu, ana, ndNl0S gained a |
footing there. they will never volun-
tarily relinqulsh IT.
However, some of Apostle Shoots |
friends are right when they say that |
Apostle" Smoot Will not seek a re-
election to the Senate of the United |
States; for the probability is he Will not |
be an apostle very many years longer.
He has drawn the sword against his
fellow-apostles, and the chances are
that he VIII perish by the same sword
And then there Is another reason, too
for the chances are largely that the
apostle Will not be permitted to retain
his seat In the Senate for his full term
but Will be sent home to his people by
a vote OF exclusion; and not even his
nerve Will be sufficient to induce him to
run for the office again. Finally, Utah
has had enough of Smootism, and IL
the Senate will only do its part Utah
Will take care that she shall never be
led captive again by the ecclesiastical
So while the friends of Smoot are
right In intmating that this is his last
term In the Senate, they are wrong I'm
arguing that he will voluntarily retire
from the field of his improper ambl-
tons.
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1906-05-15
KAISER GIVES PUPS TO GIRLS.

AS many unfriendly stories are told
of the Kaiser. 1t may be pleasant to
those. and they are many among US,
who admire the manifold gifts Of that
remarkable man, to tell one in his IA
vor He was dining with Mr.. Charlie
magne Tower, the American Embas-
sador to Berlin. and he knew that the
diplomats two little girls had been
plunged In grief because of the loss OF
little pet dog During the evening
servant entered bearing In q silk lined
basket the daintlest of terriers, and his
Majesty presented the dog to the chill
dren. saying: Don't pull his ears too
much, and Fritz Will tell you how to
take care of him and what he likes for
dinner" The girls quite forgot the
strict decorum of the occasion, but the
Emperor was delighted by their ef
fusive gratitude.
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1906-05-15

behalf this extraordinary step should
be taken, he elects his hero to the Pres
idency and causes him 10 render a mel
ody on flute as an inaugural address
to the people, Schurz was musician.
But all In all, he was a great man
with high motives. His honesty and
his intention of loyalty toward the Ma
ton which had given refuge to him.
stand unimpeached and unimpeachable.
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1906-05-15
FIRE-INSrRAsnp,

- iNhNCb u
New York World
An earthquake i,r,a y
raising lre-insurarc, -
Francisco Losses slzs.e
fire policy ferns 50 n.
should be made -
proper and oombinA +
fire risks. The plan q n
ance exchange, fr.szr
Insurance Trust. to ~
York City because Of 4
San Francisco ls xl;h.s|
Several OF the lerFsl ,
fuse to participate u o,|
continue the pregr,
rates, which are vey~
VIII protect thernssiTs
quake In a suItaEr :
manner.
The plan outlined by q
one Of the largest &C.
pute separately the ID
the conf1agration rlsk /
mistake OF some Of IN.
tably two OF the larrs
land, was 10 make
charge In their premrsI
tribute the results n 8.
Of setting the oo5t,r
apart as an accunuhtg
applied solely to COS,
This plan Is more si,,
just than a sweeping q
TO make the public ay
of wisdom.
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1906-05-15
FREE FROM CRIME

At the Limerick quarter sessions re-
Gently the Judge on the bench was in
formed that there was no criminal bus
mess either from the city or the county
for disposal. The Crown solicitor said
that since the spring assizes of 1904 ar
indictable offense had not been re-
turned for trial for the city
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1906-05-15
SLANG NOT ALL AMERICAN.

SLANG NOT ALL AMERlCAN'
Is fired out" an Americanism? This
question is put by a London paper In
discussing the use OF the expression by
the Vienna correspondent Of the Times
In connection with the dismissal OF the
American Embassador TO Austria Hun
gary. Anything that seems slansy Is
generally stamped IS an Americanism.
but In this case. as In so many others
OF a similar nature, 1T is shown that
the phrase can be found imbedded In
the classics OF the English language.
Fired out" an Americanism? Well In
one OF Shakespeare's sonnets, as one or
the London papers says, you may read:
Yet this shall I ne'er know. but live in
doubt.
Till my bad angel FIRE my good one out
An American school teacher, and this
Is another Illustration that comes to
mlnd-decided that his pupils should
drop the word SAY" because IL was
inelegant The tendency to begin re-
mark or a question with Say may
certainly be overdone. but, as bright
pupil pointed out If Say" is vulgar,
how should We regard the use OF 1t I'm
the first line of The Star-Spansled
Benner"-"Oh, say, can YOU see?
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1906-05-15
wAKED UP FOR SENTENCE.

FnI MuT 'InLoIIo.
Chief Justice Murray of British New
Guinea recently had an uncanny ex-
perlence. He was about to sentence a
native Papuan to death for murder,
when 1T was found that the culprit had
lost all interest in the proceedings and
had fallen fast asleep. In that sultry
land of cannibals and head hunters.
the Nervousness of murder is not yet
adequately appreciated by the average
native,
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1906-05-15
POWERFUL can

Recent experiment.
crystals OF alum fan d
solution with so mud
are not repressed {
growth by a heay N
manner the crystals d
in slate rock have sea
layers OF slate WITH
changing the forE {
which exert the serus
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1906-05-15

Other industrious men who. like
Brother Jolly. have been gathering n
few families In Wyoming, are doubt
less afraid that theyS also, may be per-
secuted.
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1906-05-15

Now that the Improvement League
urges a consolidation OF city and coun-
ty. 1t is likely to lose the good opinion
OF thoughtful aspirants for office.
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1906-05-15

Gov, Cutler objects to the giving
away of portions of the equipment of
the National Guard, though he must
admit that that would be a rather good
way 10 injure IT,
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1906-05-15
MITcHEL1,s COURAGE.

Boston TraVeIer.
John Mitchell's position In refusing
to counten0nce a strike took good
deal more courage than 1t would have
taken TO have drifted along, depending
upon sons fortunate chance to pull
victory out OF defeat
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1906-05-15
INDUSTRIAL PEACE.

Cleveland Lesder,
THE settlement OF the anthracite
strike has created a general feeling OF
confidence that Industrial peace will be
restored soon In other coal flelds.'
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1906-05-15

If Apostle smoot opposes Mr.. Living
ston because he Is a Mormon, cannot
Livingston show that Brother Smoot is
guilty of unchrIstlanlike conduct7
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1906-05-15
Strike Settlement
A GOOD EXAMPLE.

IndInnh3oIIo sun
1.-THE peaceful settlement OF this
strike Will tend to similar result In
the bituminous field, and VIII have
ouietlng influence on labor difficulties
elsewhere. thus proving benefit to
business generally"
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1906-05-15

Senators Smoot and Sutherland had
no idea that so many obstinate men
could be found IN a Presidential Cab
met
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1906-05-15

Possibly, when our weather bureau
arranged for the recent rain, 1t forgot
that the Sabbath had been chosen as
the best day for baseball games
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1906-05-15

II Is hard, doubtless. for some sweet
girl graduates to remain entirely sweet
ma kers
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1906-05-15

When Mr. Smoot returns and looks
over the situation each OF the Repub-
licans ambitious to go to Congress will
soon learn whether he is n candidate
or NOT
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1906-05-15

President Smith will admit that at
least one of the aspirants for the United
States Attorneyship has a very good
name,
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1906-05-15

Mr.. Roberts can see that the Social
lists. in spite of their poor opinion Of
his address, thought 1t worthy Of be-
ing answered.
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1906-05-15

Some good elders have evidently been
misled in times past into thinking that
the Salt Lake street railway company
should pay damages for injuries.
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1906-05-15
TWO VIEWS.
Chicago Record Herald

Chicago Record Herald.
How easy tbs to smile upon the world
when bright the sunshine floods in
your door III III
And hangs In golden ripples on Your unu
floor Jos the
How easy then II is for one to laugh
And bid his comrades drive grin oa
awayl ei'ih care
How easy to assume n cheerful mood
"hen al the world Is bright and life IS
bit R %nen inc sky is black and overcast
n hermits cheerless gloom around bSn,
thrown. "u MN
this. "nust All
Conveys TO man JOY that's NOT h,s
Aye. great indeed Is he who co,nn,,
round '"pdsseu
BY darkning night and sorrows densov
Peers through the narrow rift that sim
And sees with sladdenine smile bevond
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1906-05-15

Nevertheless. the efforts of the nu-
merous dandelions around town to
beautify the city are not highly ap-
preciated
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1906-05-15

AS their Representative. anxious TO
promote their interests. Mr. Howell
Will advise the voters Of the State that
they should keep his rivals at home.
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1906-05-15

Hereafter, good brethren on jurIes
Will decide damage suits against church
corporations according to the evidence,
II the evidence is favorable to the cor
porationS
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1906-05-15

1t seems that the San Francisco suf-
ferers are no better able now TO exist
without food than they were right after
the disaster
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1906-05-15

Boston Herald
THE operators losses are largely
imaginary. or can be easily recouped,
while the miners wages are irretrieV-
ably lost. That's the pity Of IT,
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1906-05-15

Members of the priesthood will bear
In mind when drawn as jurors that
the Light and Railway company is a
corporation.
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1906-05-15

Anyway Mr. Livingston Will have
the consolation of knowing that Manti
is very pleasant place In which TO
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1906-05-15

Marshal Spry is in a position to gen
erously concede that the remaining
Federal Office should be given to Cen
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1906-05-15
Tuesday, May IS, 1905

VIII Mr.. Livingston now resume his
candidacy for Congress. or will he be
satisfied with one defeat2
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1906-05-15
PRAISE FOB John MITCHELL

phIladol.Ihla North Afn"Tlcan
This man. in a position OF singular
difficulty. has borne himself with Wis
dom. his directed his forces with re-
narkable discretion, and has con-
Quoted the negotiations with the mine
ownsra With extraordinary skill"
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1906-05-15

Nose Johnson-Doan yo' hate to see
a woman's hands covered wifi rings?
Peter Persimmons-Ah suttinly does.
Aid as soon git hit wifi brass knuckles,
Puck
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1906-05-15

Upper-Ten Child-My papa Is abroad
Is yours?
Lower-Ten Child-Yep. Mine is at
large ag'in.-New York Weekly
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1906-05-15

Perhaps If Mr.. Howell had not given
the impression that the Representative
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1906-05-15

What Is your favorite play7"' asked
the girl who quotes Shakespeare.
Well" answered the youth with
long hair, II believe like to see a man
steal second as we'll as anything
Washington Star.
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1906-05-15

from Utah has little TO do Mt Washing
ton. he would not have so many able
bodied rivals for his place
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1906-05-15
p,S.cF Survival OF n,
philadelphia Iros,. int

I'll a'f
charged d''vis with 81 r. ~. .
tickets contra,S ntls IN, :. 'ssIIs;
hrst information, y ~ ~
nave that the Old -
.ery ia still in esi,i.,.. ns'
generally gen known tsss !.
vas vas. exiled Sl to Houdw., !,
some ',nN. sort Of orsauI,u,M
supposed that the A. w.
interested or that ;'ss'' 3
sold monthly. most !.
country This Is rh,,, \
wee wee officials alleg., sss
make more startlIu, =
the case comes {, ~
gambling will no, A.
the races, playing vss.. M.
buying lottery tists,, .
passion with a yery Is
persons, end all tbs I,-.
not been able to sliui,.'
chance.