West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1906-02-22

woman asked for borax he would
advance with a smile on his face
aud say:
"Madam. ara you sure it is borax
you want ?"
ayes, sir"
.Tt isn't carbonate Of soda ?"
"No, sir"
"Be sure, now. / don't want to
see you make mistake. Perhaps
it is alum instead of borax you
want"
"No, sir"
All right. Go ahead, but don't
blame me, if anything happens"
When the woman had become
illustrated and departed without her
borax | would read Mr. Bowser a
lecture on the benefits of man
minding his own business, but my
words would roll off like water
poured on to ducks back. After
hanging about the store for three
months he go. to believing himself
quite a doctor and was prompt to
recommend remedies to ailing GUS
toners. He even wen; so far as TO
call on a sick man and prescribe
for him, and, although the county
medical society took it up and made
it cost him $50, he was not in the
least discouraged. On as many as
ten different NpccasIons have
bounced him out, but only to have
him return after day or two. Three
months ago he began complaining
of his liver and helping himself to
small doses of my French brandy.
Then for the first time l saw my
way clear and bided my time. He
came In the other evening just as
the mother of FIVE children was ask
ing after castor oil. l shook my
head at him, but he couldn't keep
quiet.
MADAM, is the castor oil for
children ?" he presently asked.
eyes, sir"
"You are sure they need it ?"
"Oh, yes"
Wouldn't citrate of magnesia be
better 2''
81 don't think so"
"Well, perhaps you know best,
but hope no tragedy will follow.
If it was not for the professional
jealously of the doctors I'd call and
see the youngsters and tell you ex-
actly what they need, but, as 1t is,
you must take your own risk. This
is pretty bad weather for funeral
professions"
The woman left without making
purchase, and / changed the
brandy for Mr.. Bowser. She had
hardly gone when he began talking
about his liver and making his way
behind the counter | heard him
smacking his lips over the brandy,
and five minutes later he called out:
"Say, doc. is that a fresh stock
of brandy ?"
"No; same old thing"
'It has left a queer taste in my
mouth"
"That comes from your liver"
ayes, ] guess it does, but
A couple of minutes went by, and
then he suddenly sprang from his
chair and shouted out:
"Thunder and blazes, but Pm
cramping all up !"
"Do you want castor oil or una
chine oil ?"
"Whew-whoop ! Say by thund-
err
"Well ?"
doc, there's something wrong
with that French brandy. I've been
poisoned, and I'll bet a hundred
dollars to a cent / have For
heavens sake, stir your stumps and
give me a remedy !"
"How could you have been poi
soned ?" asked
"Never mind, but give me re-.
medy ?"
] gave him one. took the great
est satisfaction in preparing and ad.
minstering it and running him out
doors A crowd soon gathered
around him as he hung to lamp
post, and while he was being guyed
a couple Of policemen came along,
and one said to the other:
"Here's an old jay with a jag on.
Ring for the wagon, and in he goes. &"
And the last saw Of Mr.. Bowser
he was seated IN the hurry up wa
gon and being driven of through
the twinkling night. Ithink have
evened matters up with him, though
feel sorry for Mrs. Bowser il she
has been put out any.
--Hn-----
A travelling man received the fol-