davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Birmingham age-herald., 1906-01-17
COMMENTS ON MEN AND
 MATTERS OF THE WORLD

if 4" OR the last half hour I have
 V been watching the crowds thae pass in and out of the Sec ond avenue entrance to the post office building" said an observant man. Nearly every man who came in or went out of the door stumbled slightly, but not one woman missed her footing. As you have no doubt noticed, the swinging doors open directly over the top step leading to the entrance and they make the passage of many people somewhat difficult. It is an awkward arrange ment but the men seem to be the only persons who stumble. Women are nat urally more careful in going up and down steps for fear that they will trip on their skirts but you will find that women are as rule more careful in all things than men; the postofhce steps merely offer one example"
 T sec remarked Theodore Roosevelt, that William Jennings Bryan has been made a datto," and he stralghtway join ed the Red Men.
 No Agnes, it was the printer and not we who made 1t home electric resus- oiator." instead of phomo-electric resus> citator" It Is at present confined to melodrafna and has not yet become domestic necessity.
 SOME CONSOLATION. Over the hills and far away
 A speeding auto ran.
 The constable said with an oath,
 'Id like to catch that man. And yet I'd rather have his car
 Run oer the hill, b gee,
 Than have alarmed auttymobile
 A-running over me"
 Come to Gadsden and be happy" says the Gadsden Journal. Same result can be had by staying in Birmingham. Governor Hanly of Indiana says that he can see the end of graft. The governor has good eyes.
 QUIET.
 In politics and public life
 We may do what we will But nothing seems to break the rest Of David Bennett Hill.
 A distressing story comes hurtling over the wires from the east. A gentleman went fishing on a lake that was covered with ice. While running across the ice he fell and broke-not his arm, not his leg-heavensl not his neck, but quart which he had in his hip pocket. No matter what kind of book an au- thor writes, his publishers will always speak good word for 1t.
 BETTER WAY. Altho it is quite easy to
 Start out and raise the dickens, You'll soon find out that you can make More money raising chickens. Tn the course of recent suit for dam ages in Louisville a young woman barred her arms and shoulders ito the jury in order to show where she was injured. Since that time she has received forty four offers of marriage. We have always contended that it pays to advertise. Can you beat it7 The weather we mean.
 AN EXCEPTION.
 Money here. money there,
 Market like a rocket
 Money seems most everywhere
 Cept in our pocket
The Birmingham age-herald., 1906-01-17

New York's attorney general pro poses to make the McCurdys disgorge, but why not make Chairman Cor. telyou do the like?
The Birmingham age-herald., 1906-01-17

In view of the Mrs. Morris incident, a New York paper calls Washington an overgrown village.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1906-01-17

The New York legislature may not ask Depew to resign, but it will put no obstacles in the way of vorlntafy action on his part.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1906-01-17

The chef of the Czar gets s50000 year, and he earns his money unless he works in a bombproof kitchen.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1906-01-17

The President favors lock canal. The time is coming when everybody will be glad to get any kind of canal.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1906-01-17

A Maryland man died the other day and left 200 descendants. No doubt he always had a few relatives visit ing at his home.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1906-01-17

Republican insurgents always sur render when a new pork barrel Is opened.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1906-01-17

Even a datto is not exempt from the shots of cartoonists.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1906-01-17

A Washington man has had the eyes of a rabbit transferred to his own eyes, and every time he sees q gun he will run.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1906-01-17

In England a candidate for Parlia- ment is never licked until all the dis tricts have acted.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1906-01-17

Statutes of Clay and Goebel are to be placed by Kentucky in the national capitol rotunda.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1906-01-17

Morales Is going to Panama. where he may become press agent, vice Bishop, promoted.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1906-01-17

MT. Hadley's Standard Oil recep- tions will be resumed if the New York supreme court is faithful to it's trust.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1906-01-17

Sir Thomas Lipton is coming over agains He has been devoting himself to business here of late.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1906-01-17

MT. Fitzsimmons wisely states that he is done with the ring. Retirement is about all that he has left.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1906-01-17

Prizehghter O'Brien says his money is not tainted, and he does not see why the hotels refuse it.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1906-01-17

Premier C.-B. seems to have ac- quired the Roosevelt good-luck habit, and he is riding a landslide.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1906-01-17

The automobile that costs the most money naturally has the biggest scent.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1906-01-17

The state of Illinois is thinking of following the lead of Missouri in ask ing to be shown by Standard oil.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1906-01-17

MT. Bryan is not a senator in Ne braska, but he is datto in Mindanao.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1906-01-17
Railroad Officials.

J. S. B. Thompson. general agent of the Southern Railway company. with headquarters in Atlanta, who arrived in Birmingham Monday, left for his home last night.
 W. H. Wells. engineer of construction of the Southern railway, with headquar- ters in Washington, is in Birmingham.
 George E. Evans fourth vice president of the Louisville and Nashville railroad arrived in Birmingham yesterday and left last night for Atlanta in his private car over the Southern.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1906-01-17

Morales and Bigelow will meet at Panama, and then will come the tug ot pens.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1906-01-17

Andrew Carnegie gives away advice and money with equal freedom.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1906-01-17

Hazing drove the last nails into Mid shipman Coffin.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1906-01-17

IL IS funOred that Lieutenant ccndITer will soon wed Miss wllhelmina Busch. Though the lieutenant has Al pairs of shoes, he is no eentipede. Having slowed away her punch bowl, the Charleston has sailed away to be- gin an honorable career In port society
 POOR MORALES. President Morales is out of job;
 His plight is doleful to see, For he cannot sit on the insurance lid Like our own Grover c. A Pennsylvania wife has promised to be good se years, which Is about as long as any one could expect a wife to be good
 We are menaced with a chop suey trust but there are many people who have not yet learned to eat chop suey.
 NOT LIKE TURKEY. The man who has a family
 Considers it a blessing, But would be better pleased if he
 Could have 1t without dressing Now that Mir Rogers looms up as a
  all see how sorely we have rnisiudeed him in the light of recent events. Mir Rogers attitude on the witness stand was due solely to his modesty and the timidity which is the foundation rock of his, character.
 IN GEORGIA.
 oratory's booming,
 Campaign talk is fine;
 Candidates are grooming
 In Georgia, cross the line!
  A plot was unearthed to destroy the Carnegie library in Cincinnati by fire. One would not be missed. T suggest" said Col Eff, that vul- can be sent out on vaudeville circuit. His salary would soon put him on Easy street."
 BOTH ARE TO BE FOUND. The chap who talks until we tire
 Is met most everywhere; The fellow that we also tire
 Is met with here and there. Had Benjamin Franklin lived until to- day he would have been known as a Wlse man aDOuL town.
 HIS HEADQUARTERS The devil sat upon his throne,
 Down in the darkest pit. Surrounded by his councillors
 And men of tested wit. What ho!' he said. T must depart
 For Pittsburg-dear old townl I know a lot of millionaires
 Who think of coming down." Mrs. Chadwick is engaged in making button holes for shirts. She used to be good at buttonholing. A pert paragrapher suggests that we should name a. town-two towns, rather for Mark Twain. because such an honor has been bestowed on George Ade Some how we cannot look into the future and see Ade, Ind. growing up to be a town of any importance.
 EvERYBODY'S DOING IT. Some people are so mean that they Would not know what to do Unless they spent bout half their tiI In knocking c. Depew
 I,
The Birmingham age-herald., 1906-01-17

EvERYBODY'S DOING TT. Some people are so mean that they Would not know what to do Unless they spent bout half their ii, In knocking c. Depew.
 PATTI. CO6K
The Birmingham age-herald., 1906-01-17
ALABAMA PRESS

Talladega Reaper; The eyes of those title-bousht American girls are doubtless green with envy at Miss Alice Roose- welt.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1906-01-17

It is rumored that Lieutenant scharrer will soon wed Miss Wilhelmina Busch. Though the lieutenant has Al pairs of shoes he is no eentipede.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1906-01-17

BOTH ARE TO BE FOUND. The chap who talks until we tire Is met most everywhere; The fellow that we also tire
 Is met with here and there.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1906-01-17

Dothan Eagle What fun is there in college for the sons of the rich and idle, if the hazing Is to be left off and real education substituted?
The Birmingham age-herald., 1906-01-17

Having slowed away her punch bowl the Charleston has sailed away to be- gin an honorable career In port society.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1906-01-17
POOR MORALES.

POOR MORALES. President Morales is out of a job; His plight is doleful to see For he cannot sit on the insurance lid Like our own Grover c.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1906-01-17

Washington Bureau Ase-Herald 141 G street, N. W.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1906-01-17

Had Benjamin Franklin lived until to- day he would have been known as a wise man about town.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1906-01-17

Dadeville Spot Cash: Don't forget that your actions are measured as critically all through life as is the borrowed butter you return to a neighbor.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1906-01-17

We are menaced with chop suey trust put there are many people who have not yet learned to eat chop suey.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1906-01-17
STATE POLITICS

Decatur News: A feature of the plan which should not be overlooked is that the voter votes direct for the two sena- tors and then votes direct for the two substitute senators. thus giving assur- anee that there will not be a minority senator from Alabama
The Birmingham age-herald., 1906-01-17

A Pennsylvania wife has promised to be good a9 years, which Is about as long as any one could expect a wife to be good.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1906-01-17

Mrs. Chadwick is engaged in making button holes for shirts. She used to be good at buttonholing.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1906-01-17

A pert paragrapher suggests that we should name town-two towns, rather for Mark Twain. because such an honor has been bestowed on George Ade. Some how we cannot look into the future and see Ade, Ind. growing up to be a town of any importance
The Birmingham age-herald., 1906-01-17

T suggest" said Col Biff. that vui- can be sent out on vaudeville circuit. His salary would soon put him on Easy street."
The Birmingham age-herald., 1906-01-17

Come to Gadsden and be happy" says the Gadsden Journal. Same result can be had by staying in Birmingham.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1906-01-17

Ensley Enterprise: While everybody is
The Birmingham age-herald., 1906-01-17

AN EXCEPTION. Money here. money there, Market like a rocket; Money seems most everywhere 'Cept in our pocket.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1906-01-17

Governor Hanly of Indiana says that he can see the end of graft. The governor has good eyes.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1906-01-17

A plot was unearthed to destroy the Carnegie library fin Cincinnati by fire. One would not be missed
The Birmingham age-herald., 1906-01-17

Mobile Herald: When they electrocute Lawyer Albert T. Patrick, frst-class criminal lawyer, up to all the lodges will have been removed from earth.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1906-01-17

HIS HEADQUARTERS The devil sat upon his throne, Down in the darkest pit, Surrounded by his councillors And men of tested wit What hoI" he said. T must depart For Pittsburg- old townl know a lot of millionaires
 Who think of coming down."
The Birmingham age-herald., 1906-01-17

Now that Mir. Rogers looms up as a man who is a victim of graft" we can all see how sorely we have misjudged him in the light of recent events. Mir. Rogers attitude on the witness stand was due solely to his rnodesty and the timidlty which is the foundation rock of his. character
The Birmingham age-herald., 1906-01-17

bUME CONSOLATION. Over the hills and far away A speeding auto ran. The constable said with an oath, 'Id like to catch that man. And yet I'd rather have his car Run OCT the hill, b'gee, Than have a alarmed auttymobile A-running over me"
, 1906-05-25
HOTEL ARRIVALS.

At the Johnson-Edith Hesser, Lin
coin. ILL.,; A. Trabing, Miss Mabel Ira.
bling, Waysde; William Greenshields
Kremmling, Colo; w. b. Radcliffe
Henry Brown, Denver; l.. f. Burdick
James Mcdonald, Boulder, Colo.
Charles Benson, ranch; Lars Hovick
tie camp; Swan johnson and wife. w
NJ. Hughes, Rawfins; j. T. Mcpherson
Medicine Bow; John Mccall, George
Speakfair, Des Moines, la.
AT the Kuster-Emile Pants, Re.
salas, Colo; S. II. Tannehill, Holmes (;
Jacob Lent, Kansas City; f. e. Wood.
ard, Tie Shling; Fred Snyder, Martin
Geraghty, ranch; p. Takkin, j. d
Jacobson, Nebraska; II. Heenan, Chey'
enne; John A. Kunkle. Rawlins; G. E
Smith, Rockdale; w. w. Hughes, 81
March, Hanna, Wyo.
At the Union Pacihc-H. ~Clayburgh.
Chicago: H. b. Adams, jr., Omaha; G
II. Mcmahon, st. Louis; f. Il. Willard,
George II. Harvey, e. G. King; M. LIE
vine. San Francisco; J. e. Brownrigg,
Cincinnati.
, 1906-05-25

Extra fine veal and
lamb for Saturdays
trade at the Pacific
market.
, 1906-05-25

vice, and financial operations Of the
commercial IL mutual telephone and
telegraph systems OF the country, and
the physical equipment of independent
rural telephone lines.
The statistics of the telegraph and
telephone industries OF the United
States were first shown in the census
of 1880. At that time telegraphy had
been growing steadily for nearly forty
years and telephony was in the forma-
tive stages of development. Since
then, however, telephony has progress
ed TO such an extent that it has sur
passed biography in physical and
financial magnitude.
In 1902 the telephone systems operat
ed more than three-fourths of the wire
mileage reported for both telephones
and telegraphs, gave employment to
seven-tenths Of the w~age-earners, paid
more than two-thirds of the wages, re-
ceived more than two-thirds of the total
revenue, and paid more than two-thirds
of the total expenses.
, 1906-05-25
About the American Navy.

Naval men claim that this important
lesson was learned from the Russian
Japanese war, namely, that the navy
of the United States must be well pro.
vided with heavy warships in order
that We may hold the proud position
we now occupy among the nations OF
the world. Thousands of sickly per
sons long ago learned the lesson thai
for making people well and keeping
them so there was no medicine like
Hostetter's Stomach Bitters. Every
bottle is now backed by a 80 years rec,
ord Of cures which ought to convince
the most skeptical that it contains true
merit and is worthy of a fair trial. If
the stomach is weak, appetite poor,
sleep restless or nerves unstrung the
Bitters is needed at once. 1t also cures
dyspepsia, Indigestion, ~costiveness,
heartburn, bloating, female ills, dizzi-
ness, fainting spells or malaria.
, 1906-05-25
VALUABLE REPORT.

A report on the telephone and tele-
graph systems and the municipal cleo.
trio fire alarm and police patrol sys-
TENS Of the United States has just been
published by the bureau of the census.
The statistics were collected and com.
piled under the supervision of Mr.. w.
NJ. Steuart, chief statistician for man,
ufactures. n the text was prepared
by Mr.. Thomas Commerford Martin, of
New York city, expert special agent.
This is the last of a series of reports
on the generation and utilization OF
electric current for the transmission
of power, messages and conversation
Former reports relate to street and
electric railways, and central electric
light and power plants.
This report presents statistics con.
corning the physical equipment, SER
, 1906-05-25

The banks of San Francisco have re
sumed payment This will go a long
way toward bringing order out OF
chaos. 1t is money that makes the
mare go. after all. Incidentally 1t can
be used to construct buildings, to clean
the debris from streets and to put all
sorts of trade in motion.
, 1906-05-25

1t is now considered a sure thing that
the Northwestern will be running
trains into Lander prior to the date OF
registration. This will give the ZAP
pie City" an opportunity to gather
some other fruits,
, 1906-05-25

$6.65 Laramie to Denver and Return
July 10, II, 70, 13, IA and 10, account
annual meeting Benevolent and Protec-
tive Order of Elks.
l. W. EMMONS, Agent.
, 1906-05-25

PILLSBURY'S BEST SETS THE
PACE FOR FLOUR EXCELLENCE
THE WORLD OVER. A CAR JUST
RECEIVED BY THE LARAMIE GRO
Gerry CO.. AGENTS. 242t2
The citizen. (Frederick City, Md.) 1895-1923, 1906-08-03
An Array of Thirtecns.

Superstition seems to be part of the
mental composition Of every one. and
it commonly centers to a rooted an
tipathy 70 the number thirteen. This
first of the teens has had to stand for
many an action that was ridiculous.
ana yet there is hardly any person who
would sidestop an inch or mournfully
rail at fate should he spy Il silver quar-
ter dollar on The sidewalk. In fact, he
would be Gully too eager to place it gen
tly in his pocket. Have you ever talk i
the trouble to sean closely this small
piece of silver? II you have not you
may be surprised to find on the eagle
side that there are thirteen arrows in
the bundle which Is clutched In the left
claw thirteen laurel leaves on the
branch in the other claw, thirteen stars
at his head, thirteen letters in the Lat
In inscription 'E Pluribus Unum," thir-
teen letters in the words quarter dol
lar" thirteen stripes on the shield, and
on the front of the silver piece are thir-
teen stars surrounding the Liberty head
and thirteen leaves in Liberty's crown
This array of thirteen is In commemo-
ration of the original thirteen states
which comprised the Union Despite
its many thirteens the quarter is not
considered unlucky.
The citizen. (Frederick City, Md.) 1895-1923, 1906-08-03
The Brilliant Person.

Circumstances beyond our control
sometimes oblige us TO meet brilliant
people. Secretly we may feel a desire
to avoid them. but there is a certain
pride which compels us to appear at
ease in their company even though we
never were more uncomfortable. The
man who bristleS with information
may not be unnecessarily unllind. We
are, it is true, obliged to listen to him.
and it is always wise to be on our
guard against revealing the fact that
we know anything at all lest he have
the opportunity, which he dearly loves
Of correcting us. We can in a measure
throw ourselves on his mercy. aud if
we have an ordinary constitution we
may happily survive his attacks of
knowledge But when a brilliant per.
SON rises upon our horizon there is Int
tie hope FOR us. II he does not hull lis
ut once with straight shot he will
worry Us u death by a fusillade Of
crar;co md leave us a wreck to drift
r,ay to some friendly port of duliness
where We c21 be nUrscd back to our
mediocre existence Life.
The citizen. (Frederick City, Md.) 1895-1923, 1906-08-03
Biz. Fir Words.

"Th0se who are accustomed to ridi-
Guile present day scientists because of
their fondnesS for big words" said the
etymologst, will find them much
more moderate in the concoction of
words than the old timers.
For instance, | have just come
across the account of a scientific trea-
tise published in the seventeenth cen
tllry that contains words even much
more cumbersome than its title, which,
by the way, is overwhelmingly
gia, good mouthful surely, yet the
meaning is easily ascertained when the
word is reduced to its component
parts.
The list of long titles that were
then favorites would cause the modern
book clerk spasm, yet the list could
be gone into indefinitely. A play in
blank verse published In the latter part
Of the seventeenth century had as its
alluring title 'Chrononhotontholog
and this was the opening sentence:
NEUTRALITY-SUSPICIOUS., where
left you Chrononhotonthologos?
IF the modern mouthing actor can
hardly get simple Anglo-SaXon words
over the footlights, how could he get
along with that morsel|-New York
Herald.
The citizen. (Frederick City, Md.) 1895-1923, 1906-08-03

selves as others see them. Miss Nun
70 is well qualified to write a play
about the fashionable set, for she 10
herself an heiresS to millions, being the
daughter of a wealthy publisher the
late Norman Leslie Munro.
Unlike many of the daughters of the
rich, she is not content to spend her
life amid the frivolities of society. but
is ambitious to achieve things. She
stepped into her fathers publishing
business when he died and has been n
controlling spirit in it. She studied
law and took her diploma in the class
with Helen Gould. She is an enthu-
siastic athlete and in the Impressionisi
advocated ardently the participation
Of women in outdoor exercises. Golf.
tennis and horseback riding are her
favOrite sports, and she is also a good
whip and on the water could bring
either a steam or a sailing yacht into
port if the captain was disabled. Be.
sides all these accomplishments Miss
Munro has what is denied many rich
girls-thc rsre gift Of beauty.
The citizen. (Frederick City, Md.) 1895-1923, 1906-08-03
A PROGRESSIVE THINKER.
Rev. DIR. Washington Gladden.. WLu
DiSlikeS "Taintcd Money"


The Rev. Or. Washington GLADDEN.
who started the now famous Geaa Z
about acceptance by missionary socis
ties Of 50 called tainted money!" wa;
one of the earliest to take up the stu "
of the problem of trusts. He is wha
Is called an advanced thinker" Oh
both religious and economic questions
lie was one of the first to put in popu
lar form the results of the So callc
higher criticism" of the Bible an
while rejecting the theory of the Ii era
inspiration of the Scripture defend
them nevertheless rs containing a di
vine revelation to men. One of his
books is entitled "Who Wrote the Ri
blef' and he has written and lectureI
much on the subject of Biblical study.
His utterances on the subject of social
and economic reform have attracts
more attention. however. than his
teaching on theological questions. He
has done much to quicken the con
science of the religious world on the
relation between morals and business.
DIR. GLADDEN. was born at Pottsgroye.
Pa, in 1876 and was graduated from
Williams college in 1859. He has been
poet editor, author and lecturer as
we'll rs pastor. He is now in charge OF
the First congregational church of Co
lumbus, o., and is moderator of the
general council of Congregational
churches of the United States.
DR.. GLADDEN. was lecturing at Har-
ward one time and discussed informal
~ with some of the students after the
lecture the subject of the Christian
faith One of the students. Il lad of
sixteen, remarked, Il am an agnoStic."
He spoke pompously, his hands in his
pockets, and regarded narrowly the eff
feet on Mr.. GLADDEN. of his bold words.
You are an agnostic?' said the cler.
gyman.
Il am an agnOstic."
What is an agnOstic?" Mr.. Gladder
asked, Tell me- won't You, Just wha,
meaning YOU attribute to that wordE'
The lad staggered about the room.
He still kept his hands in his pockets.
AN agnostic" he said, frowning
"why, an agnostic is-ah-a fellow.
fellow who isn't sure of anything"
How does it happen, then" asked
the clergyman, that you're sure you're
an agnoStic:'