Los Angeles herald., 1906-03-03

! Then when 1t found it was all out,
With all it's might and main,
1t started for the house once more
But when the senator's cut loose and
each took a whack at it, there WASH t
enough of the Hepburn William to wad
shotgun, and it's best friends wouldn't
have recognized it, so
1t died in awful pain!
SO far no one has been able to de-
scribe the difference between being
struck by an automobile running at
| twenty miles an hour and one going
| at q thirty-mile an hour gait. Both
| seem to point the way to the coroner's
office.
| At local theater a horse plays sew
eral musical instruments. Next thing
| you know some enterprising fellow
will produce an automobile orchestra.
No use talking, yellow journalism
robs gossip of half its sting.
The Salt Lake physician who tele-
graphed to recent visitor from Utah
that his wife was i'll forgot to mention
which one, and was reproved for his
carelessness. Hereafter he will specify
wife number one or eight, as the case
may be.
A resident of San Diego has dis
covered that whisky is also good for
flea bites.
What is one drink without another?
The fact that many rich men are
striving in every way to give away
their fortunes will never prevent
newspaper men from looking for an
advance in salary.
It's a wise man who picks the ponies
one, two, three. Ask the bpokes.
The early settler refers to the good
old times in one breath and tells you
how many privations he suffered in
the next.
Los Angeles brewers are more inter.
ested in the rumor that Papa Busch
intends entering the local field with d
large plant than they are in regard to
his daughters wedding. Draw two.
Instead of simply keeping pace with
the times automobilists are striving to
win by several laps.
Many a story would have remained
untold had kodaks never been invented.
Presidents of insurance companies
seem to have made n special study of
the saying that one might as well be
hanged for stealing a flock of sheep as
a single lamb.
Mrs. Mizner seems to have discoY-
cred that she loved her husband at the
same time that another woman
awaited him with outstretched arms
in Denver.
"What is worth doing at all is worth
doing well'' said the treasurer of the
insurance company as he helped him
self to another hundred thousand dol.
lars.
Some one has just found friend
whose wife's Cousins uncle's mother $
great grandson knew of a man who
heard it rumored that Il fellow beat
the races at Ascot park.
All the world loves a dollar.
So live each day that you can look
every man i'll the eye and tell him to
go to San Diego.
Manx a man could make both ends
meet if there were no display windows,
While we think of it, there hasn't
been a new breakfast food launched
for over a week. Something wrong in
Battle Creek.
The most popular cure is the rest
cure. Everybody loafs but father.
Los Angeles capitalists are building
more hotels to accommodate more
tourists to get more money to build
more hotels to accommodate more
tourists, ETC., etc.
The next darn thing on the market
will be motor roller skate.
As the summer girl trims off an inch
or two from last seasons bathing suit
each year more people make up their
minds that a week at the sea shore
would benefit their health,
Some one has said that the ocean
| breeze acts as stimulant and ac-
| tually intoXicates in a mild way. Pos
sibly this accounts for some of the
things seen at the beach.
Judgment is poor thing at race
track.
Nine-tenths of the people don't care
how the other tenth live.
Lent
'Tis Lent: my lady keeps it,
In perfect sympathy;
| She faces a denial
OF all most dear, you see
I ought to recognize her
Devotion, and I do,
| But l can't reconcile her
( Great sacrifce-could you?
She gives up what she prizes
Most highly; that should be,
But then, what she abandons
Is-me!
w. Fl. G.
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