davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1906-03-24
Things to Amuse
THE DEACoN's DEAL.

Chicago Record d-Herald.
DR.. w Robson Notman, pastor Of the
Fourth Presbyterian church, at the cor
ner Of Rush and Superior streets. Is
fond OF good story. He dropped In
at Christian Endeavor social for a
few moments one evening, and the pres
ident catching sight of him. called
upon him for a talk. much to the sur
prise Of the minister This was the
story he told as an illustration of his
feelings:
Il am reminded Of the good old dea
con who was wont to attend prayer
meeting very regularly. but who al
ways chose the hour as n time for
comfortable nap The old man, like
wise. was fond OF good game Of
cards, He was taking his usual snooze
during the prayer service one evening
when the minister said.
Brother Blank, Will you please lead
In prayer2
Brother Blank was too far In
dreamland to hear, and the fact was
n source OF much embarrassment to his
good wife,
william she whispered. giving him
nudge, William. wake up; It's your
time to lead
why no. 1t isn't said William,
for / just dealt"
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1906-03-24
JACK MORMONISM."

In riot of sarcasm the Weiser
Gdaho) World asks If hanging is not
the proper penalty for the crime of
Jack Mormonism." In ancient Greece
there was no penalty for parricidei 1t
was so monstrous a crime that the
people OF that day could not conceive
that anyone would commit It.
Similarly the statutes are silent In
Utah and Idaho on the subject of Jack
Mormonism." The offense is so out
rageous that there was neither belief
that anyone would perpetrate 1t, or, If
punishment would be adequate,
The World may indulge itself In ridi-
cule of this subject, but 1t is none the
less the most serious question which
confronts the people of these two
States OF Utah and Idaho. The COM
mon hlghwayman takes the purse of
an individual; the common burglar
robs one home of It's silverware: the
common murderer slays one man. But
the Jack Mormon takes the pros
perity, the home peace and the pa
triotio life Of the whole community. His
offense Is as black as the sentence Of
Cain. He knows his sin and, for profit,
he repeats 1t.
The attempt Of the Jack Mormon"
Weiser World to turn off the subject as
joke is useless. its satirical sugges-
ton of hanging as a penalty merely
leads to the belief that. like another
Judas Of old, 1t may be contemplating
self -deStructiOn
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1906-03-24
JAPANESE IN HISTORY.

London Spnrc Moments.
1t is now being asserted that the Jap
anese are the lost ten tribes OF Israel
one person remarking that 1t was prob
ably inevitable that they should be
sought In the Japanese, In view OF the
fact that the museums of Japan con-
tain numerous engrayings purportlng
to show the landing OF Jews in Nippon.
One OF the pictures cited is said to show
a procession In which the Ark is dis
cernible, and in which the priests wear
hats of Biblical pattern. Another de-
plcts Solomon In the act of receiving
gifts from the Queen of Sheba, while
and this is regarded as most conclu-
sive of all-the founder of Japan's dy-
nasty Of 126 Emperors bore the same
name ("Osea'D as the last King OF
Israel C'Hoshea'D. his contemporary
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1906-03-24

And the Mail could not find some OF
these names in the list OF places Of at
least $500 inhabitants by the last CEN
sus, 1t singles out Moscow, Idaho, as
one Of these places, and Evanston. Wyo-
ming, as another. And yet both are
lively, thrifty. growing places at which
much business, both public and private,
Is done. And the amounts carried In
each case are modest, the buildings are
needed. The same is no doubt true In
all the places named, and in each II
will be good business for the Govern
ment TO own its building rather than
pay rent and go TO the trouble and
cost Of moving from time to time. The
Mail makes no point against Provo, nor
could it fairly do so, for that city has
ample population and public business
for the very moderate amount named
for It's public building.
The National Treasury has just COM
pleted q ten million dollar Federal
West enyles the city that, or grudges
the huge sum 1t cost. But IL the East
ern press continues Its jealous, con-
temptuous reference to every public
expenditure for the West, which East
ern people in their ignorance do not
understand. the time VIII come when
sectional lines Will be drawn In these
matters, and the East will be the chief
loser
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1906-03-24
EFFECT OF SPELLING REFORM.

EFFECT OF SPELLING REFORM.
New York Mail
All OF the orthographical stunts"
that now entertain US. such as the diff
Guilty Of remembering the order OF the
counterfeit" Sieve" Seize" "nonpa-
reil" and so on, would be eliminated
at one fell swoop under Mr.. Carnegie's
system. The terrible tangle Of coughs"
I'm Thought" through" cough"
"bough." bought" and so on. would
be Strengthened out at once. All pho
netically useless symbols would have
to be abolished II the reform were TO
be In any sense consistent, Jeopardy
and leopard" Journal and 'nourish"
would lose their "o's," and "yeoman"
It's "e" Women" would become
"wimen," rhyme" would be "rIme" (at
the risk of frosty confusion). right"
write" and wright would all be
"rite," and "scythe" would be ''sithe"
while both aisle" and isle" would
drop their ISIS" whole" would be
mdistinguishabl Bile from a hole" We
should have ourselves the trouble OF
writing letters twice In "ebb," add
"egg." "inn." butt" puff" dull and
buzz" That archaic survival. ''ph,"
which is merely an attempt to repre-
sent a Greek sound with Roman char
acters, would be replaced with a."
which would at least please the ortho-
graphical "f1losofers."
All this would be joyful to genera
tions yet unborn. whether 1t would be
TO our own generation or not.
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1906-03-24
SYMPTOMS

Chicago Tribune.
II your wife Ia growing restless II she
tentatively tugs
At tho dngy window curtains, If she
studies all the rugs.
II she talks about wall paper. II she Views
the window panes
with nn eye that sees them tarnshed by
a lot OF streaks and stains,
Then you may as well be patient and quiet
as a mouse
For no feeble man can stop her-she will
soon
house,
You had better plar for boarding some
where else a day or two.
For the chances are she'll start II with
rustling, busulng crew
OF scrutwomsn and OF busters, and the
chairs viii block the hall
And a lot of dainty china Will be put
where IT will fall
And an aproned towsled. dTaggled sight
will say sho Is your spouse,
For the signs of spring are potent-she
house,
You will eat upon the icebox, you will
sleep upon the stove
You Will slip upon box OF soap and down
the st1lrs win rove:
You Will flnd your valued volumes mixed
with kitch IN pans and pots,
For the time you'll be an alleE-you and
oil you little tots
And there'u be time of trouble, time OF
shake, and dust, and dousc
TIL tho fever has eubsided-she will
soon
hntYee
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1906-03-24
SIZING THEM UP.

Hnrper'a Weekly
Not long ago Gov. Folk of Missouri,
upon reaching his office at the capitol
in company with friend, found
number of men waiting In the ante
room He paused as he passed through
and made a joke tnat was decided
chestnut When the Governor and his
friend were In the private office the
friend remarked.
Say, that was fearfully old one
you got off just now
II know It," was the complacent re-
ply,
Then why did you do it7" the puz-
zled friend asked.
Did you notice which OF those fel-
lows laughed2 Well. they are the ones
who have favors TO ask" was the ex-
PLANTATION.
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1906-03-24
THE QUICK OR THE DEAD,

Dstroit Free Press.
Two Congressman were talking about
the late Jerry Simpson
He was a level-headed man." said
the first He was a foe to fads, He
had shrewd humor.
He and l and Clergyman one day
lunched together. The clergyman was
a faddist of q marked type. He car
red a pocket microscope, wore health
underwear, and so on and so forth.
This clergyman wouldn't drink any
water with his lunch.
81 wouldn't dare TO do So he said
solemny 1t is so full you know, of
animaloulae. l never drink water un-
less II has been boiled
Congressman Simpson emptled his
glass and looked at the clergyman with
a quizZical smile.
81 drink my water raw he said.
I'd rather be an aquarium than a
graveyard
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1906-03-24
CLEANLINESS AND cHAu

Miss Mary Lawler, n q,
school teacher. holds that eli
Is the foundation of good q
Every morning before reoItaf
holds n dress parade" durir,
such pupils as need 1t are bro,
der the influence Of soap AM
Missing buttons. unbrushed I
dirty shoes also come in for ca
tentloa. TIE school authoritie{
that as a result OF this policy 4
been a distinct gain In disciu
self-respect among the chlldreI
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1906-03-24

houses along the coast, that do not
turn in revenue enough In ten years to
pay the cost of running them for one.
But when q Western town asks for a
public building. then the very devil is
TO pay, and the virtuous Eastern con-
science at once gets to working over
time. Our New York contemporary
singles out. as conspicuous instances of
pork" jobbing. this list of public build
Ing bills recently passed by the Sen
ate, with the amounts carried for each;
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1906-03-24
REEDS TRIP ROUND THE HORN

Tom Reed. accompanied by William
Bryant. a well-known politician In Wal
than, took q Watertown branch Glitch
burg railroad) train one evening few
years ago for the Watch City, where
he WAS booked to speak at Republi-
can rally. 1t was Reeds first expe-
rience going around the horn" Stop
after stop was made. and finally the
brakeman sung out "Bleachery!
Bleacheryl The next station Is Chem
istryl
Say, Bill" drawled Reed, this train
Is taking O. regular high school course"
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1906-03-24

tell at Washington all he knew. he
would probably admit that he. himself.
was the man who elected Reed Smoot
to the Senate.
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1906-03-24

Even If the city administration is not
receiving at present the criticism OF
those who do not wish 1t success, II
continues by good service to merit their
dlsapproval
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1906-03-24

Utahs Senators succeeded In con-
vincing the President In the land Of
flee appointment matter. that the judg-
ment of the Secretary Of the Interior
was correct
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1906-03-24

Those desiring the passage OF the bill
to abolish the land Office receivershIp
will now find 1t impossible to convince
the Utah delegation that it is not an
evil measure
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1906-03-24

Now. when the Utah delegation
learns who Is preferred by the Presi-
dent for the Office OF United States At
torney 1t can endorse him, and thus
win another victory.
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1906-03-24

The Senators from Utah can get any
thing they ask for at Washington, by
merely asking for what the administra-
tion wishes to grant.
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1906-03-24

While In the East, Gen. Geogheean
can probably get good deal OF evil
dence to prove that arrnories are not.
az rule. provided as places for hold
Ing Republican gatherings.
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1906-03-24

Senators Smoot and Sutherland will
probably explain. though. that they
wanted all the time Mr.. Hobbs reap
pointed Register.
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1906-03-24

Mabel-Such a joke with Mr.. Gayboy
We were out on the balcony between
the dances, and he got the sleeve Of his
dresscoat all over red paint from one
Of the posts that was just painted,
Maud-And did you go near the post7
Mabel-No, Why?
Maud-Oh. nothing; only you have
red paint oil over the back OF your
waist, Bulletin.
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1906-03-24

Church officials can now be merry
when they see the United States Mar
shal going around OH business. as they
get ten per cent Of his compensat ton.
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1906-03-24

Apostles Taylor and Cowley think
the Senate Will do just right II II de-
cides the Smoot case soon. as they want
to come back home.
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1906-03-24
HER PET CHAMELEo

Lewiston (Me.) Journal.
Miss Maud Young of ~
mourning the untimely lons D
OF O pet chameleon. 1t has bee
by scientists that this species,
survive In this climate bu,
months, or until cold weather,
but Miss Young has had this,
some FIVE years. 1t would corr
and eat flies that she captuy
take sugar from her hand. Mis-
would gather flies in a paper
allow the pet to take them fro,
til whenever a bag was exhii
chameleon would plunge into
flies-
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1906-03-24

Senator Sutherland is. doubtless. just
as much delighted with the land Office
appointments as he was with the Salt
Lake postmastership nomination.
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1906-03-24

Senator Smoot would like to see the
committee display some of the much
talked-of senatorial courtesy by not
cross examining his witnesses.
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1906-03-24

Senator Smoot says he is satisfied
with the land office appointments. but
he is undoubtedly pleased, also that
he can swear
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1906-03-24

Furthermore. may 1t not be said
that the Sheriff. IN allowing those pris-
oners to marry added TO their punish
ment without warrant of law?
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1906-03-24
FROM THE JoKEMAKERs.

penltentlary under the escort OF the
superintendent, came to room In
which three women were sewing.
Dear mel" whispered one OF the vis-
itors, what vicious looking creaturesl
Pray, what are they here for3''
Because they have no other home,
This Is our sitting-room, and they are
my wife and two daughters" blandly
replied the Observation-Disclosures 9
Weekly.
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1906-03-24

Marshal Spry can report to Washing
ton that so far he has so conducted his
office. that even church authorities
have no fault to find.
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1906-03-24
Saturday, March "a, 1906

Is 1t possible that the Morrisites are
becoming reconciled to the Idea Of MAX
ing the Big Cottonwood conduit ut for
,,cao
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1906-03-24

But could Judge King or Maj. Young.
as Democrats, be good enough apostles
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1906-03-24

Devout ladies will refrain from wear
ing new spring hats before the end OF
Lent, especially if they haven't the
hats
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1906-03-24
MULLETT's CLOTHING !,

One day only. Monday, MAJ,
Special Sale on Boys and q.
Suits. One Thousand suitsi
each. See East Side Show WI
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1906-03-24
About Won,
WANTS HoUsEKEEpINa

IHuHhnpoIIs Sthr.
A Philadelphia woman is ,~-,
all girls In the grammar ernAs'
public schools be taught hous,
In ALI Its details, from the h,,;
hres, the laying OF carpets ana
of pictures to the ordering ai1d
OF a formal dinner. She wo,,
houses equipped for the purpns
IN charge of competent teachs :
would 1t dc to recommend inst
the girls take private courses
branches OF learning in IN,
homes before school diplomas =
them?
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1906-03-24

see any strong reason why the Office Of
Receiver should not be abolished, as
tithes VII not como from II hereafter.
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1906-03-24
TOO TIRED TO sPIoUE.

Kansas City Drovcrs Telegram.
A girl with a splendid physique
Had job at six dollars q wique.
But every evening she said
She WAS lust too near daid
To help wash dishes, or spique.
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1906-03-24

There is no short cut TO fame" re
marked the Wise Guy,
How about the upper cut?" sug
gested the Simple Mug. looking up from
the sporting disqualification Rec
ord
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1906-03-24

And yet, some OF Senator smoot's &C.
elestastcal associates win be unable to
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1906-03-24

Mr.. Stoplate-Oh, Miss Tersleep, that
air you just played takes me back to
my mothers kneei
Miss Tersleep-Will she spank you for
staying out so late ?-Cleyeland Leader
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1906-03-24
Where The Tribune Is On Sale.

Murray Utah-Excelsor Stationery co. IND.
Provo, Utnh-A V. Robinson, q East Center
Street. .,s
New York-Arthur Hotallng, Broadway ana
Thirty ighth Street: Astor House, Woldori-
Astoria Imperial Hotel
ChicoRo-Palmer House Audltornm Annex
WashngtosI-Sew Willard. Raleigh.
Omaha-Un,on Station News stand
Portlnnd-Orcgon News Agency
los Angelcs-Amoe's Newsstand. =,
San Misunderstanding News Agency, N
Whcatley, Hotel st Francis. Foster q oreor'
Seatslc-W Ellis Hotel Northern. j. X JUS
tlco. Wilson. McNoy & Co.
Denver-Julius Black. Brown Hotel kendrich
Book and Stationery Co.
PoIsc.Idnnha Hotel. Bolso Book md Music
store. Arch. Cunningham Co, H. Seller
& Co.
Tonopah-O Noil & Co, A ii. RoUnsweil;
Goldneld-Hunter ADV. Pub. CO.. u A.
Marsh.
nutte-Keefe Bros ]. C. Evans.
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1906-03-24

Husband-Um-my dear. l am-er-
trying to economize on letter paper. 80
as to have more money for my little
duckie darling to spend.-London Tit
Bits.
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1906-03-24

Wife-Before we were married you
used to write me letters eight and ten
pages long. Now. when you go away,
you just send me little notes Of half a
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1906-03-24

Entered at tho Postof1ce OF Solt 1ako city
as second -clnss matter.
Barton County democrat. [volume] (Great Bend, Kan.) 1885-1915, 1906-11-09
Walter klSslCk Dead.

Walter Kissick, the Santa Fe
engineer who was injured at Lar
ned, Friday about noon, died Sun.
day afternoon at three o'clock at
the Larned hospital from the in
juries received.
Mr.. Kissick's mother was with
him at the time of his death, and
also his brother, who lives al
Hutchinson. The body was taker
to Newton this morning and the
funeral will pe held at that place
Tuesday afternoon.
Mr.. Kissick had many friends
in this city, where he has made
his home for some time past, who
will be very sorry to learn of his
death.
Barton County democrat. [volume] (Great Bend, Kan.) 1885-1915, 1906-11-09
Modern Charity.

Last week a neat but foxy
young pullet. wearing high
heel slippers, with a neat, we'll
turned ankle, incased in fancy
black punctured socks, dropped
into town and started down the
street soliciting for a charitable
institution, says the Rock Rapid
Reporter. Every rooster in the
town bit, and after lining her
pockets, she joined her pal, a
sleek we'll fed guy. and hit the
FIRST train out of own. The next
week a shabby woman with q
game leg, no hip pads and no
puncturee socks, dropped into
town and told her story and offer.
ed to sell a broom holder for ten
cents, and she was turned dowr
by nearly every rooster who hat
coughed up fifty cents for the
first pullet. This is moderI
charity. Chase Register.
Barton County democrat. [volume] (Great Bend, Kan.) 1885-1915, 1906-11-09
SANTA FE ENGINEER burt.
Walter KlSslck Of Great Bend Badly In.
iured by Engine al Larned Friday.

Walter Kissick, engineer on
the Santa Fe branch between this
place ana Jetmore, was seriously
injured at Larned, Friday. about
noon.
This branch train. which leaves
Great Bend at nine o'clock in the
morning, uses the main line track
to Larned, and then the branch
from there to Jetmore. in Hodge.
man county, making a round triI
each day, except Sunday. They
run as a local to Larned, and then
wait there until No. 567 brings
the mail from the east about
twelve o'clock, when they carry
the mail up the branch.
When the train arrived al
Larned Friday, the train crew
with the exception of the Engineer
Kissick, went to the restaurant to
get something to eat, the engineer
saying that he had some work
that must be done on his engine
Consequently he got down under
the engine and was engaged il
making some repairs, wher
another engine bumped into hi,
engine and pushed the heavy en-
CINE over him, crushing anC
bruising him in a very serious
manner The Rustler was told by
a railroad man who spent part o.
the night with him Friday night
that Mr.. Kissick's hips were
crushed and he was injured inter
nally, making it impossible t.
move him to the general hospita
at Topeka. He was taken to tn,
Larned hospital where everythin,
that could be done for the injured
man was being done.
His mOthecr was telegrapheC
for and went to Larned Frida,
evening. Mr.. Kissick isa widoweI
and has one or two small childreI
who have been making their HON
with relatives in the eastern par
OF the state.
Mr.. Kissick is very we'll an,
favorably known, to a number @
the people in Great Bend, an,
everyone who knows him will b
very sorry to learn of his mis-
fortune.
Barton County democrat. [volume] (Great Bend, Kan.) 1885-1915, 1906-11-09

valuable seeds" the newest
variety was twelve years old.
while most of them had been
known to the trade Tor from
twenty to thirty years. Some Of
the varieties were so ancient in
origin that the seed trade could
not remember when they were
first introduced.