Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1906-09-23

she had looked at him, she had felt her
courage and hope for the future almost
vanish. Nor was 1t only his body which
had so aged and fallen away. his soul
was sick to death. He had fits of black
despair and depression. when he could bear
TO see nobody, not even her, and would
lock himself up in his room, giving orders
that his meals were to be left outside, and
that under no circumstances was he to be
disturbed. Then when he began to emerge
from these. remorse for the wreck he had
made sometimes overlook him, and he
would ask her to sit with him, while he
unloaded himself of tons of despair Half
a dozen times he had said that he would
not go to America at all; what could
week or two of sea air do for man
in his case? He felt that death was near;
he would die as comfortably as might be
In his own house. But then the pendulum
would swing further; his depression would
be succeeded by bitterness against Lily,
and the settled conviction that it was she
who was morally responsible for his down.
fall. 1t was that indeed which the
immediate cause of his having left Eng
land; the day before they were to sail he
had had a black day of despair, and had
altogether refused to go. But when the
morning came that had passed, and his
one desire was to get away from her, to
leave the neighborhOod altogether. She
IN England, therefore he would go
anywhere else. And his last words to
her had been, You are responsible for all
thisr'
1t was all black enough, and there had
been at present only one ray of comfort.
He had not taken laudanum again, nor,
as far as could be ascertained, had he
tried to get any. But Sir James did not
let Maud build much upon that.
He Is still frightfully weak" he had
said; at is when his strength begins to
come back that he will begin to crave for
1t. At present he is not strong enough to
want anything"
He had not yet been told what the I'LL
terror object in his going to America was,
10 harr gyl hot ha hot no
would probably refuse to go altogether.
Sir James had had talk with Maud on
this subject shortly before they left.
There is n psychological moment for
telling him that, my dear lady" he said.
which has not yet arrived. At present,
your brother shows no desire for anything,
neither for the drug, nor for any return TO
health. He does not even, / think. want to
die. But he begins to get back his
stength he will begin to desire again
he will want the drug; he will want to get
well also. Then tell him.
There was a bright winters sun shining
where they sat, and their place shield
ed from the wind of their motion by the
deck smoking room. Two days ago there
a considerable swell. But the huge ship
took little account of that and glded with
little motion across this wonderful gray
sea that broke into dazzling white against
her burrowing bows Something of the pale
crystalline blue above was reflected in the
great joyous hills and valleys of water
mat StreameO Missing by them, and the
grayness of the winter Atlantic was shot
with delicate azure. IT, though IL was
barely yet midwinter, there was some prom
ise OF spring in the air and the return to
the summer coloring of green and blue.
Above their heads the wind thrummed and
whistled In the rigging of the masts and
the clean. unbreathed odor of the sea was
salt and bracing. In spite OF the sun how
ever, il was chilly to the unprotected and
both Thurso and his sister wore thick fur
coats. and were covered in rugs They had
sat some little time in silence, and then
Thurso turned to her
II feel better" he said, land l haven't
felt better for so long,
"Ah, you are much better" she said
"You have been mending every day"
But there is difference between being
better and feeling better he said. land
the second means more TO the man who is
III. Now, | suppose we shall have TO talk
things out some time so why not now
] do feel better; l feel as II could wish to
be well again"
This then was the moment of which Sir
James had spoken to Maud, when 1t would
be the time TO tell Thurso of the real
purpose of their coming to America. and he
I soon gave her the opportunity.
But l dare say / am beginning to wish
that too late" he said. How bad have l
been exactly? How bad am ~
do you mean your heart attack? she
asked.
mo, the other thing. l may tell you that
for weeks before my attack / felt perfect
" incapable OF resistance. / could no
more resist than l could resist breathing"