Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1906-06-24
AFTER DINNER SPEAKERS.
Crimes Charged Against Those Who
Would Be Humorists.

From the Fortnightly Review.
There Is a criminal in society one would
dearly like to see exterminated, and he is
the man who. having by some contemplate
and underhand method become acquainted
with your best after-dinner stories, accom-
panies your recital-and you are in capital
forthwith an ingratiating grin like hyena
and a benevolent and confirmatory nodding
of his head. and Just as you have nearly
reached your climax and the guests are
hanging sDellbound on your words and are
rewarding you with anticipatory chuckles,
bursts out with ycur point just five seconds
before you can reach the winning post.
On the other hand. there is that innocent
sufferer. the man who forgets his point. The
other night at a dinner party we were IA
vored by most delightful anecdote about
the fair Melusine. who. as everybody knows
was half woman and half a serpent.
The excellent gentleman who was enter
tanning with the story got, however,
slightly mixed. His point was intended to
be that the husband of the fair Meluslne
singularly fortunate because his wife
was serpent only half the time, at which
climax he could confidently reckon on fran
tic hilarlty.
Unfortunately. In the excitement of re-
cital. he couldn't think of the animal re-
quired for the point. Nothing would come
to his agitated consciousness but a whale.
SO when he said with smile, which grew
more uncertain as he approached his eli
max, that the husband of the fair Melusine
Sslngularly lucky, as his wife was a
whale only half the time. even the most
charitable of diners out looked perplexed
and vainly tried to see the joke The man
sent me the point on d postcard the very
next morning.
There is no end to dinner crimes The
other evening l was at a great banquet for
which very impressive parsonage all
hung with stars and things, had been cap
tured as ornamental chairman. AS looked
into the chairman's red face decorated with
early Victorian whiskers, / had a dreadful
suspicion that he knew but vaguely why he
was there. busy little committeeman
darted up to the noble chairman and whis-
pered frantfcally into his ear and l felt at
once, from the jerks OF his head, that he
referred to a lonely man who bore on his
features the stamp OF American as we'll as
only partly concealed dissatisfaction.
Ladies and gentlemen" said the noble
chairman, after a great deal of eloqgence
that got lost behind his shirt collar Il
have the qualification of Introducing t. YOU
one of the most distinguished citizens OF tho
great republic, man famous in her coun-
ellis and even more famous in the still
greater republic OF letters, 8. man whose
name is household word. Ladies and gen
tlemen, Major General Jabez B. Tompkins
of America.
Here. as the noble chairman looked be-
nevolently across at the distinguished stran-
ger the stranger met his glance with nm
concealed malevoience.
Hopkins" he Missed My name is Hop
kinst
For moment the chairman was stag
gered but then he came calamity TO his
own rescue. -.
THE fact is. ladies and gentlemen. the
name that is a-a-in fact. household word
sat down rapidly amid thunders of APP
piause.