The semi-weekly messenger. [volume] (Wilmington, N.C.) 1897-1908, 1906-01-30

TAKING A BERAL DOSE OF MY OWN
MEDICINE.
ter what ails you, physically or men
tally, it brings a feeling Of blandness
and consolation.
1t prevents suicide.
1t drives thoughts of murder out of
your mind.
1t consoles you when your wife
elopes.
1t makes you smile when your hus-
band digs out.
1t dissolves sadness as the morning
sun dissolves the dew.
A critter who has no aim in life has
only to take one bottle to find aims
buZZing around him like bumblebees.
Look for the yaller label and take
nc other. See that your druggist gives
you Pilgrim Pain Alleviator instead of
laudanum or carbolic acid.
Never equaled and never to be ex-
celled. No chromos. No prize pack
ages. Will not restore the dead 20 life,
but has been known to work wonders
when a nan has had a house fall on
him.
l had l~uxuriously billed the town Of
Sold Again for my coming combina-
ton, and when I arrived l was pleased
to observe that there was a futter of
excitement among the people. I had
been in the town about an hour and
the lutter was still futtering when
the mayor came around and asked
what sort of a show I had. 1 gave him
the combination-a tintype outfit, a
trotting horse, a fighting dog, a grass
hopper in a bottle, my pain alleviator
and a set of moving pictures, and he
said:
go ahead with your show. I pre-
dict tina. you will meet with tumultu-
Gus applause. We have had so many
fakes here that the people won't stand
another. If yours was a Cheap John
show l should warn you to get right
out Of town"
l handed him out the usual six COM
plimentary tickets, and he looked at
them for a minute and then asked:
'Where's the rest?"
What rest?"
There's ninety-four more coming to
me. No show as is a show gives me
less'n q hundred free tickets"
1 smiled blandly and let him have
his way, and he had been gone about
fifteen minutes when another citizen
hunts m up to say:
What sort of a show have you got
here anyway? Don't attempt to work
off any chicken Matching on US for a
circus. This is the town of Sold Again,
but we've got tired Of the game"
I explained my combination to his
satisfaction and handed him the same
number of deadhead tickets that I
had first offered the mayor.
"Sixty-nine more coming to me-" he
blandly observed.
"As now?"
"As the sheriff is always entitled to
seventy-fve deadheads. If you are
looking for tumultuous applause. hand
ZEN over.
They were handed out, and I was
still bordering on the ways Of men
when my thoughts were interrupted by
the coming of a citizen who extended
his paw and said:
MY fifty, please"
"Your fifty what?"
Free tickets. I'm the town clerk,
and if you get me down on you there
won't be no show tonight"
After him came four aldermen with a
demand for twenty-five tickets apiece.
and l found | had passed ont 325 tick
cts and would not take in a dollar in
cash at the door. | hoped to make it up
otherwise, however, and did not de
spair. AS soon as ti.e orb Of day had
disappeared In favor OF the darkness of
night l took my Place on the public
square with 200 bottles of my allevia-
tor and in q few Well chosen words told
the people of its virtues. l was careful
to keep clear Of politics and religion. 7
made no mention Of the pilgrim "a
theirs or the bartls of Bunker Hill. !
simply offered TO let any one take \