davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Topeka state journal., 1906-06-21
vest on Cofee.

Champ Clark relates many instances
of the grim humOr that was so prOmi-
nent a character of the late Senator
Vest of Missouri.
Mr.. Clark tells how, during one of
Vests campaign tours in the early sos,
it was necessary for him to sojourn
over night in the town of St. Charles.
The best hostelry the place afforded
was poor enough. and at breakfast Vest
was especially put out by the stuff that
was placed before him for coffee.
After having sampled the beverage
Vest. with a frown, called for the pro-
prietor When that individual had ap-
peared the senator asked. with wave
of his hand toward the offending liquid
smoking innocently before him:
"Sir. what is this stuff ?"
Coffee meekly replied the pro-
prietor, somewhat taken aback.
'Coffee!" repeated Vest, in fine
scorn. my friend. I could insert a
coffee bean in my mouth, dive into the
Missouri river, swim to the town Of
Alton, Ill, and I'll guarantee that one
could bail up much better coffee than
this, sir, over the entire route!"
The Topeka state journal., 1906-06-21
JOURNAL ENTRIES

This is the time of year when the fly
gets lots of fun out of seeing a fat man
sit down in the tanglefoot paper that
has been left where it oughtn't to be-
There is a rebellion in Korea against
people who get their hair cut after
foreign style, and all such are marked
for slaughter. This sort of a rebellion
ought to be started in this country
against those who get their hair cut on
Saturday nights.
Speaking of ricnes, that youth is rich
these days who has an undisputed claim
on a good-sized knot-hole out at the
baseball park about 4:45 p. m.
That well-meaning young man who
desires to accept a situation-he is
new college graduate. Next week he
will be willing to take a job.
Chancellor Day is getting a choice
line of advertising anyway.
But why, this department would ask
did she call herself Miss Mae Wood, :"
all these years if her name was really
Mrs. Thomas c. P1att2
The Topeka state journal., 1906-06-21
\ .ePersuaded'' prisoner.

The resourceful man is the one who
succeeds. There is a deputy marshal in
Alabama who does not let any such
trifies as extradition laws stop him. A
writer in the Washington Post tells a
story of one of his achievements. When
the term of court was about to begin
one time. a man who was out on bail
was reported to be enjoying himself over
in Georgia
Deputy Jim Went after him. The
next day he telegraphed the Judge:
Il have persuaded him to come"
A few days later he rode into town
on a. mule. leading his prisoner, tied up
snugly with c1othesline. The prisoner
looked as If he had seen hard service.
srWhy. Jimr' exclaimed the judge.
you didn't make him walk all the way
from Georgia, did you2"
mo. sir replied Jim.
Il thought not" said the Judge.
NO" responded Jim. Part of the
way I drug him. and when we came to
the Tallapoosa river he swum.'
The Topeka state journal., 1906-06-21
The solitude Terrified Him.

Nat Goodwin. in describing an un-
successful play. said: Why, one night,
during this company's western tour. the
box office man was aroused from g nap
in the middle of the first act by an odd
sound. He yawned and looked out OF
the box. and there before him stood a
little boy, weeping bitterly.
g What is the matter, my little mann
he asked.
'.The boy, holding up a check, said:
g I want my money back
Why do you want your money
back?' asked the box office man in sur
prise.
q Because. sobbed the boy. I'm
afraid to sit up IN the gallery all
alone.'
The Topeka state journal., 1906-06-21
FULL LEASED WIRE REPORT
OF THE ASSOCIATED PRESS
HOME NEWS WHILE AWAY.

Subscribers Of the State Journal
away during the summer may have
the paper mailed regularly each day
ITO any address at the rate Of ten cents
n week or thirty cents a month (by
mail only. Address changed as often
Jas desired While out of town the
state journal win be to you like a
daily letter from home.
Advance payment is requested on
these short time subscriptions, to save
bookkeeping expense.
The Topeka state journal., 1906-06-21
KANSAS COMAENT
cuRrIs II rR RANK1IN.

The Herald publishes elsewhere a
communication which is being rSseived
today by a number of old soldiers in
Franklin county from the secretary Of
Mr. Curtis. urging that a movement be
started among the old soldiers here in
the interest of Mr.. Curtis candidacy for
the United States senate Mr.. Curtis
will probably not get a very encourag-
ing response to his effort in Franklin
county. Judge Benson is entirely salts
factory to his comrades here and else
where as United States senator. Any
movement in Franklin county of a
senatorial nature is unnecessary for the
simple reason that the entire popula-
ton ofs the county without respect to
Iactlon or party or sex or age or prev
ious condition of servitude is lined up
soildiy for Senator Benson. While the
Herald always likes to see proper enter
prise in candidate it does feel that
Mr.. Curtis effort to start movement
Tor himself in Franklin county would
be almost Indecent if it were not so
funny--Ottawa Herald
The Topeka state journal., 1906-06-21

acts committed by their victims. it
may do much towards making the
liquor business improbable. Every
day the papers contain accounts of
crimes induced by liquor. If the suf-
ferers from these crimes made the
liquor dealers pay for all the suffering
the liquor causes, it would not take
long to bankrupt the entire liquor
The Topeka state journal., 1906-06-21
BELATED BELIEF.

''I do not believe in fouling our own
American nest In these words,
Chairman Wadsworth of the agricul-
tural committee of the house of repre-
sentatives explains his attitude toward
the beef packing scandal. The ques-
ton is who has fouled the American
nest, the men who were responsible
for the filth in the handling of meats
in the Chicago stock yards or the
president of the United States and his
two commissioners who found this
filth and exposed the disgraceful con-
ditions to the American people p
Wall Street Journal.
The Topeka state journal., 1906-06-21

granted a divorce from her husband
on the ground that he is a consump-
tive. The promise FOR better, for
worse seems to be but a mere per-
functory one in these days, in no way
taken seriously by those who make it.
tuberculosis is not the most pleasant
Of things, but practical desertion on
account of bad health does seem a bit
too cold-blooded even for the formal
atmosphere of courts.-Baltimore
American.
The Topeka state journal., 1906-06-21
FROM A sTUBBs ORGAN.

The organs continue to make at
tempts to defend Hoch against the
charge that he broke his promise to
Stubbs. No one but Mr.. Stubbs' ini-
mate friends appears much inclined to
hold that out against the governor, but
the less his party organs say about it
the better for his candidacy. There is
no explanation of the matter except
that Hoch broke his word. The quick
er the matter is hushed up the better
for Hoch.-Lawrence World.
The Topeka state journal., 1906-06-21

about st. Louis: western sheep that
are to be bought. east and pastured
along the way should have a very en-
Joyable and profitable time eating the
grass in the streets OF St. Louis as they
journey through" Why cant other
towns admire and compliment one an
other as Wichita and Topeka do2
The Topeka state journal., 1906-06-21

II thing is worth doing at all it
should be done well,'' remarked the man
who butts in
Except when you order rare steak
replied the lady reporter.-AIilwauke
That's very good natured. crowd at
the ball game, isn't It, George2Y
7 guess it is, my dear-when the UNI
good natured? ??
I noticed that whenever I asked any
question about the game everybody laugh
ed. cleveland Plain Dealer
Wlse-The current magazines have an
unusual amount of illustrated fiction in
Frankley-That's what saw a picture
in one of them today of a fellow smiling
happily while he scraped his face with
Somebody & Co.'S razor.-Philadelphia
Press
You may say what you please re-
ISM any money in incubators. I've tried
mo money in incubators." said the man
with the expansive shirt front HUH
know a chap that's got rich sellins en- -
Chicago Tribune.
Hello, said the man. seeing his friend
sallying forth with pole and net and bait
bucket Going fishin p
NO" replies his friend, turning on him
solemnly; No, / m going to stand on my
head and keep my hair from falling out.
What made you think I was going fish
The Baron-The duke Is but little better
The PrinceEAh?
The Baron-Yes. He actually solicits
marriage with heiresses instead of wait
ing for them or their mothers to approach
him on the subject.-Brooklyn Life.
''Rimer takes himself very seriously.
doesn't hep
Yes, indeed
Most of his poetry. is poetic. isn't it7'
what IA hr1f a6f
it's pitiful. "--Philadelphia Press.
prejudices even when they have not the
courage of their convictions.-Life
ITyker-I overheard Skinner telling a
friend that he owed you a grudge.
Pyker-Oh, that's all right Skinner
never pays anything he owes.-Chicagc
-"Ah, dearest, sighed young Brokeleigh.
IT can not live without you
~. why y notf no queried. ..,tt the girl with the
job?'-Chicago News.
Patient-Fow much will an operation
for appendicitis cost?
Physician-Two hundred dollars
Patient-I haven't got that amount
Patient-Then I'll have to operate on
you for something less expensive.-Brook-
llyn Life
Church-Don't you think the automobile
mas come TO stay?
Gotham-Well there was one out in
front of my store, today. which I thought
had; but they got a horse after a while,
and got 1t away after It had been there
about two hours.-Yonkers Statesman.
Languid Lannigan with paper)-It takes
all sorts wv cranks to make a world, all
right. Now, here's a near-vise guy wot
says dat six hours sleep a day is ernuff
fer anybody.
Torpid Thomas-Wel. I seldom exceeds
dat. An wot's he say is de proper num-
Der NV hours ter slumber at night
The Topeka state journal., 1906-06-21

That Marshall county weather prophet
who uses onions in making his guesses
and who said there would be no rain in
that county till August must have got
his onions mixed since that region has
been flooded this week.
The Topeka state journal., 1906-06-21
THE VESTS VIEW OF IT.

Chancellor Day of the New York
university jumps onto President Roose-
welt with great ferceness for using
monarchical powers to influence legls-
lauon- The chancellor fears that it is
going to be all day with our republican
form OF government if presidents get to
exercising such kingly power. So far
as the people out this way are con-
cerned, they are mighty thankful to
have president who isn't afraid to
grapple with the Standard Oil company,
the railroads, the beef trust and all the
rest of them, and to break through the
fortihcations their millions have built
up in the United States senate. It
doesn't scare us any because a presi-
dent demands that these great over
shadowing monopolies become public
servants instead Of exercising mon
archical power themselves. We think
the big stick is one of the things that
exactly timed its arrival in American
public life to the needs of this country.
Jewell Republican.
The Topeka state journal., 1906-06-21

Senator Benson says the Wash
ington Star. denies that be intends to
reform the senate. The new man
seems to know something about the
senate. He is not going to try to break
the record established some years since
BY Hercules in putting the Augean
stables to rights"
The Topeka state journal., 1906-06-21
REFLEcTIoNs o. a BAcHELoR.
IFrom the New York Press.I

TF'rom the New York Press.1
There's no need to hunt for trouble: It
wiz find you just as quick.
Singing in a. choir is the very best way
not to make friends OF the rest Of 1t.
There is hardly anything that makes a
woman madder than to have her photo
graph look like her.
A man can make good deal of money
in stocks by being careful not to have
anything to do with them
When 2. man lets collar button fall and
brags that It didn't roll under the bureau
it's = sign he Is 3 perjurer.
The Topeka state journal., 1906-06-21

Mr. Rockefeller is quite enamored
with the economy he finds practiced by
the French people. But Mr.. Rockefeller
should remember that If Americans had
been as careful and economical as he
says the French are. Chicago university
might not row be the rich institution it
e.
The Topeka state journal., 1906-06-21

There IS to be a big reception in
honor of Mr.. Bryan along in August
or September. But the real doins
which Mr.. Bryan is looking forward
TO. he expects to be pulled off on
March 4 1903
The Topeka state journal., 1906-06-21
IN OKLAHOMA.

Statehood for Oklahoma and the IN
dian Territory has finally passed con-
gress and the bill now goes to the
president for his signature. The man
who gets an Office in that state now
will be compelled to be a resident.
Otherwise conditions will not be
changed greatly.=Salina Journal.
The Topeka state journal., 1906-06-21

indications" says the Washington
Post. ARE that in a short time both
houses of congress will fnd it neces-
sary to appoint a committee on aerial
affairs" This doubtless means that
they viii soon be very much UP in the
The Topeka state journal., 1906-06-21

An exchange notes that the plan Of
reorganising the Devlin properties
whereby the creditors win be paid five
per cent of their claims each year until
they are liquldated, lacks considerable
Of being a get-rlch-ouick schema
The Topeka state journal., 1906-06-21
IN THEIR OLD KENTCKY HOl


IN THEIR OLD KENTCKY HOME.
Everybody is fond of old Kentucky.
Somehow life there seems freer and
fuller of zip and snap, a perpetual
tulep which, to borrow phrase of Mr..
Stevenson's, you keep sober to enjoy.
It's mountains are the grandest and its
politician immortal poet has spoken
the unforgottable and final truth about
that mother of beauties and Atlantean
men, of statesmen by the hundred, of
lusty and vital people. They are on
the bench by the old cabin door, to-
day, the emigrant Kentuckians return
ing to their home. Mr.. Justice Harlan,
Mr.. Carlisle Mr.. Adlai E. Stevenson
are on hand. Girls and women, many
diameters lovelier than the dawn, are
more numerous than impassioned
periods in Joe Blackburn's fieriest
speech. Apple parings, corn huskings,
Virginia reels, burgoos, sewing bees,
poker games and many another sport,
primitive or modern, Will be enjoyed
in the jovial Kentucky fashion. Five
days of fun, song, eloquence, dedica-
ton and exhilaration. All doors are
open. Jugs ditto. Here's to good old
hearty Kentucky York Sun.
The Topeka state journal., 1906-06-21

Mr. John D. Rockefeller speaks the
truth and wisely when he says that
France is great because she saves
money. A healthy spirit of economy
IS good for any country, and It would
be we'll II it could be said that here
also was mo waste in farm or field
and no waste in the kitchen. New
York World.
The Topeka state journal., 1906-06-21
RRASsf

The bronze doors of the new capitol
at Harrisburg bear portraits of the late
Quay and the present Penrose and of
Senator Clark of Montana, proprietor
of the works at which these were cast
Many Pennsylvanians have learned of
this com bination with mingled emo
tons of establishment and disgust
Boston Transcript.
The Topeka state journal., 1906-06-21

The transcontinental railroads will
agree with the lower house Of congress
that lock danal is the most desirable.
provided they can be assured that an
able bodied earthquake viii happen
along in the Panama region about the
time the canal is completed.
The Topeka state journal., 1906-06-21
THE EOS BUsTER MovEMENT.

Governor Hoch insists that he was
elected on a platform Of not standing
by your friends The governor is right
in that. It was so preached all over
Kansas.-Lawrence Journal.
The Topeka state journal., 1906-06-21

The Lawrence Journal demands that
the Republicans quit fighting and get
together" and then to help the good
work along it takes a few more swipes
at Governor Hoch
The Topeka state journal., 1906-06-21
CALLED DOWN.

You hear good deal of June brides.
says the Topeka State Journal, but did
you ever hear of a June bridegroom ?''
Sure. Didn't you hear of Alfonso ?-Sa-
lima Journal
The Topeka state journal., 1906-06-21

Suppose congress should pass that
bill introduced by Representative
Sherman of New York reducing rail-
road fares to two cents A mile, do you
suppose congress would make a corre-
spending reduction in the mileage It
allows itself for travelling expenses,
which IS now twenty cents a mile?
The Topeka state journal., 1906-06-21

A Leavenworth county man says 1t
has been dryer in that locality this
spring than it has been before in thir-
ty-five years-and that. too, in the face
Of Rev Mr. Elwood's statements.
The Topeka state journal., 1906-06-21

In the past one way Of committing
murder has been to send the victim
box of poisoned candy. Will the muir
derer of the future send his victim
consignment of canned meat?
The Topeka state journal., 1906-06-21

The packers insist their plants have
always been sanitary, and besides that
they are now spending considerable
money in cleaning UP the dirt.
The Topeka state journal., 1906-06-21

Just because Dowie saw visions is not
conclusive proof that he is insane. 9th
er people have had pipe dreams without
being accused of being off mentally.
The Topeka state journal., 1906-06-21

oklahoma has been working and hop
! ing for it so long that it can hardly re-
+ allze now that statehood is really and
truly accomplished.
The Topeka state journal., 1906-06-21
ERON OTHER PENS
NOT WHAT THEY SEEM.

Again we hear the croakers dec1ar-
ing that even the breakfast wheat is
not what it is cracked up to be,-Chi-
cago Tribune.
The Topeka state journal., 1906-06-21

Upton Sinclair once wrote jokes for
a living, but the packers are realizing
that "The Jungle is no joke.
The Topeka state journal., 1906-06-21

A certain gentleman of Princeton,
N. J.. doubts the sincerity of the Bryan
boom But as Mr.. Bryan shares no
such doubts they are immaterial
The Topeka state journal., 1906-06-21

Speaking of optimism and hope.
some gentlemen of the Democratic
persuasion are already beginning to
plan Mt. Bryan's cabinet for him.
The Topeka state journal., 1906-06-21

saIina and Abilene are not the only
towns that are Jealous OF one another
Listen to what the Chicago News says
The Topeka state journal., 1906-06-21
THEIR FRIEND.

It is up to the beef magnates to pass
around the hat for the Syracuse uni
versity. The laborer is worthy of his
Philadelphia Record.
The Topeka state journal., 1906-06-21

You may say what you please re-
marked the amateur farmer. but there
isn't any money in incubators. I've tried
them
The Topeka state journal., 1906-06-21

them.
Frankley-Thats what I saw a picture
in one of them today of a fellow smiling
happily while he scraped his face with
Somebody & Co.'S razor.-Philadelphia
The Topeka state journal., 1906-06-21

There are men who will fight for their
prejudices even when they have not the
courage of their convictions.-Life.
The Topeka state journal., 1906-06-21

Hello, said the man. seeing his friend
sallying forth with pole and net and bait
bucket. Going fshin' p
NO, replies his friend. turning on him
solemnly. mo, I'm going to stand on my
head and keep my hair from falling out.
What made you think I was going fish
ing?''-Puck.
The Topeka state journal., 1906-06-21

Hyker-I overheard Skinner telling a
friend that he owed you a grudge
Pyker-Oh, that's all right Skinner
never pays anything he owes.-Chicago
The Topeka state journal., 1906-06-21

"Rimer takes himself very seriously,
doesn't her"
Yes, indeed"
Most of his poetry Is poetic isn't it7'
That's what he calls It, but editors say
it's pitifuI. I."--Philadelphia Press.
The Topeka state journal., 1906-06-21

mo money in incubators," said the man
with the expansive shirt front HUH
know chap that's got rich seIlfn en-
Chicago Tribune
The Topeka state journal., 1906-06-21

Wlse-The current magazines have an
unusual amount of illustrated fiction in
The Topeka state journal., 1906-06-21

The Baron-The duke Is but little better
than common tradesman.
The Prince=Ah2
The BarOn-Yes- He actually solicits
marriage with heiresses instead of wait
ing for them or their mothers to approach
him on the subJect.-Brooklyn Life.
The Topeka state journal., 1906-06-21

'Ah, dearest, sighed young BrokeleIgh.
Il can not live without you
why not?" queried the girl with the
obese bank balance. did you lose vOur
job 2'-Chicago News.
The Topeka state journal., 1906-06-21

Patient-How much will an operation
for appendicitis cost?
Physician-TWo hundred dollars
PATIENT haven't got that amount
Patient-Then III have to operate on
you for something less xpensive.-Brook-
llyn Life
The Topeka state journal., 1906-06-21

That's very good natured crowd at
the ball game, isn't it. George21
I guess it is, my dear-when the UNI
piring suits it. But why DO you think It s
good natured p
I noticed that whenever I asked any
question about the game everybody laugh
ed.'-Cleveland Plain Dealer.
The Topeka state journal., 1906-06-21
HUMOR OF THE Day.

'If a thing is worth doing at all 1T
who butts in.
Except. when you order a rare steak
replled the lady reporter.-AIilwauke
Der Deutsche correspondent. [volume] (Baltimore, Md.) 1841-1918, 1906-01-22
Muntag, bcn %. Sannor 1906.
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