Connecticut western news., 1906-11-29
UNCLE EZRA PERKINS
DlSSERTATES ON THANKSGIVING
Some Things he has Observed Relative
 to the Annual Feast-Bub Resolves
 to Carve Turkey with Cornsheller In the Future-A Few Postscripts.

to Carve Turkey with Cornsheiler In the Future-A Few Postscripts.
 Pompoonick, Conn,
 Nov. 26, 1900 and 6 Mir. Editur:-
 Anuther Thanksgivin' hez rolled eround, CT kum eround, at enny>rate it's here. A durin' of the past few daze they hez ben good menny chopin block trajedys in good many bak yards and good raenry axes fell rum alpft, CT sum other spot, and cut off a good men ny gobblers' tails nigh unto there ears and each of these old gobblers hez left henhouse full ov widders and so menny fatherless orfans that I don't begin to tell you what the number Is.
 If it wuz given to us to understand the langwidge ov the dennyzens ov the turkey and chicken bo0dwors, we wood probly diskuvver that their iz too places on erth where their iz no TeeZutl IST DiCCNiu tlidt tiCy i@ oSSh a thing az thankful Thznksgiwinses and merry Chrismusses, and, I swan, MT. Editur, 1 don't no az we kin wunder at it much but it iz a kustum that wuz inventid long ago to offer up suthin' az a sackerfise at this see gun ov the yeer and it happened to be the misfortune of the prowd old turk and the plump, slick old Dom- mynick to be choosed az sutch and I've noticed durin' some of the sew rul yeers back in the past that the average feller iz good deel more reddy to sackerfice suthin he kin set his store teeth into and send down the canal-elementary canal, l meen, not the Sooez or the barrie canal than suthin' he can't
 It iz good menny Thanksgiv- vinses sinse me and Mirandy hez faled to pluck the fethers off suthin' to grace the old-fashiuned platter on the festal bored on the day prescribed by the occupier of the presidenshul chare down in the Districkt ov Kol- umby fer givvin' thanks. East yeer Bub got the idee inter ihiz noddle that the day he'd kum when he wuz old enuff to takkle the job of mutilizin' that terk's remains so's we eood git it down inter Natures bred basket. I didn't bleev Bub he'd mutch ov an idee ov the bigness ov the job fer diskuvvered long ago thet it takes man of tact, skill, dexterrity, patience, strength and a lot ov other things like that, to rassle with this job and kum out on top of the heep but I seen he wuz he'd bent sn tryin' 1t and so, although we he'd invited in the parson and hiz wife, and although I wuz fearsome of the result, 1 told him he might. go ahed-
 A nice, brown, plump, fat, turkey looks easy enuff to namidge az 1t kums steemin' frum the oven and lays quiet on the platter but their iz where the average feller fools himself and if you've never undertaken carvin' you know there newer wuz a turk but had considerable fite left in him even at this stage of the game and l always bleeved that if a proba- tioner of the meetin house cood pass through this ordeel without bakslid- in fast and furious, 1t wood be safe enuff to put hiz name onto tine church books to once.
 Fust 1 thought 1 wood tell you all about it but 1 gess I'll draw vale in frunt of the harrowin' seen. Suffice 1t to say that when the dominic had finished askin' that blessin' I wuz perty nigh asleep, things waz a git tin cold and Bub thought it wuz up to him, as the feller sed, to hustle and regain lost time and az neer as l kin kackelate, 1t wuz about a tenth part ov a seckund after Bub under tood to shuv the old, two-tined fork astride the brest bone that the terk spoilin' the hull frunt bredth ov the new dress she wtlz a warin' that day fur the first time. Mirandy wuz neer mortyhde to deth but bein a pious person, the good parsons better half termed it off easy like, claimin' that no damidge had ben dun but they haddent but jest got out of the house. and l wuz a pickin' the wishbone of the hangin' lamp (where 1t lit when Bub wuz a tryin' to give the parson hiz fourth helpin' oy white meet), when Mirandy drew on my pokkit book at two sekunds less than site fer funds to replace that gown and Bub allowed that the next time he carves turky he will do it with corn shel- Ter CT 3 buzz saw CT hey it dun by contract beforehand and that's the