River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1906-12-13
Fut-Rule."

Policeman Barney Flynn was griev-
ously troubled by youth of the name
of Horatio Mann. Horatio was we'll
meaning young fellow, but he had err
roneous ideas. He had read dime
novels until he had become imbued
with the idea that detective Is the
greatest of created beings, and it was
his ambition to be one. Hence his adj
miration for Flynn. He had heard
stories of the policeman's prowess, and
he haunted him. He wanted to know
all about his methods and his exploits,
and more than all else he wanted the
policeman to get him position on the
force or with some detective agency.
Il know I'm just made for detec-
tive" he said frequently. "All my in
clinations lie in that direction, and
revel in mystery"
1t will be seen from this that Horatio
spoke reasonably correct English. In
deed, he had had a fair education, the
only trouble being that it had not
worked In" However, as Policeman
Flynn once remarked, ga ma-an can
get book-parnin' amy time Nv his life,
but t is not with sinse, FIR sinse do
be nach'ral gift" Horatio had the
book-learning, but he lacked the
sense, and this it was that made him
so annoying to the policeman. He
could not be persuaded that the life
of a detective was not one long ro-
nance, filled with DISCUSSES, thrilling
adventures and fabulous rewards. He
would make himself up In the most
wonderful and outlandish way, and
then drop in on Flynn to ask Ii that
would not fool the cleverest "crook. !"
Later he amused himself by shadow
Ing people In the neighborhood, and
writing out reports Of his "work,"
which he submitted to Flynn for APP
prevail or criticism.
Eye wa-ant me FIR to help We to be a
daytictive?" said Policeman Flynn to
him one day. "M-m-m, weli''-draw-
ing his hand over his chin in the old
familiar way-"I'll tell We what I'll do
FIR We I'll give We tn polls ixamina-
tion an see how We come out. IT is not
ye-er pla-an fr to star-art in as a
pathrolman, Nv coorse?"
ooh, no." answered the youth. II
feel that my talents are above that"
IT is what supposed" said Po-
Iiceman Flynn. 9TH woods is full iv
la-ads like you. Some iv thin wa-ants
to be prisidint Nv a r-railroad, some iv
thin wa-ants to be editor Nv news
pa-aper, some iv thin wa-ants to be
gin'ral manager iv amy OF business
that's big enough, but most iv them
wa-ants to be day-tictives. Amy way
We put it, they can do betther than tn
fellies that's doin' tn work. now
But t is shtrange thing to me that
tn min that's maxim na-ames FIR Thin
gilves at tn top is niver tn vans that
gta-arted In up there. Did We iver
think iv that?"
Moo, l can't say that did," replied
the youth.
Nv coorse not" said Policeman
Flynn, IAN We w'u'd mt think tn
T-rule was FIR We if We did, IT is not
NECESSARY in ye-er ca-ase. Ye're too
sma-art. Well, mebbe SO. Well thry
it on. livery la-ad that wants to be a
day-tictive has to be Examined, an I'll
put a few QUESTIONS to We. Suppose We
was in cha-arge iv tn day-tictive
work. an big burglary was COM
mitted, what w'u'd We do?"
I'D look for a clue" answered
Horatio, promptly and confidently.
Il can see We doin it" asserted Po-
liceman Flynn with chuckle. 81 can
see We goin' through tn pla-ace, an
lookin' wise, an gettin' down on ye-er
ftYs fo Srox I1sk Sxx
through a magnifyin' glass, an thin
goin' out an measurin' tn thracks in
fh' mud with fut-rule. I can hear
ye saying, This great crime was
committed be ma-an with large fut
an a nail shticl1in' out iv wan shoe.
IT is only nieissary now FIR to find tn
shoe an artist tn ma-an.' Ohio! ye'd
ma-ake a gr-reat day-tictive, FIR sure"
rs not that what you'd do?" asked
Horatio.
I'm not ta-alkin' iv what I'd do"
returned Policeman Flynn. I'm
ta-alkin' Nv what tn great day-tic-
tive does. If We was r-real day-tic-
tive an had this work. FIR to do. we'd
go to tn pla-ace an LUX wise, an thin
ye d go back an ordher tn dhrag-net
put out. livery ma-an that c'u'd ha-ave
done it an lots that c'u'd mt w'u'd be
brought in an"
Arrested?'' interrupted Horatio.
''F'r sure" replied Policeman Flynn.
'But what right would you have to
arrest people against whom you had no
evidence?"
Who's ta-alkin' iv rights?n retorted
Policeman Flynn. I'm ta-alkin' iv tn
ways iv polls day-tictives, an I
don't want We FIR to be botherin' me
with ye-er fool QUESTIONS Ye'd ha-ave
thin all brought In, an ye'd Examine
thin an ma-ake thin prove they was
mt tn vans. an sift it down till ye'd
got 1t bechuDe- a few iv thin. Thin
mebbe ye'd la-and ye'er ma-an through
some wan tellin' on him SOS to keep
fright with ye, or mebbe some felly
on tn outside w'u'd tip it off to We SOS
ye'd give him little more shwing
Ohoi they's lots iv ways iy get
tin at tn fac's without tra-acin' a
cr-rime up. That used to he tn OIL
way, but t is out " date. First find
out who did It an thin artist him. was