The Nome daily gold digger., 1906-06-28
ADVICE TO
 MARRIED MEN

Ol luc ptIOllcl D acquaintance WIlOs by streak of good fortune, could get a few hundred ahead of the game, have gone to the outside and returned with wives They have joined the everlasting throng and will wear resigned looks the re- mainder of their days
 The Stroner feels that it is his Christian duty to offer a few words of advice to the new benedicts of which there are fully dozen now in Whitenorse.
 In the first place, Little sun snlne" got line on you or you would still be single
 In the second place Little Sun shine" is gong to keep that line on you and it will resolve itself into a check rein the first time you endeay- or 10 sidestep the course she has mapped out for you
 You have enlisted so long as you both shall live" and the next, in fact, the only thing to do is to adjust your neck to the family yoke. It is mp to you to make the wearing of it pleas ant or interspersed here and there with wind gals, just as you elect.
 Little Sunshine probably inter- prets the to have and to hold" part of the marriage ceremony literally and is apt to cry and say you don love me anymore unless you sit around and hold" her on your knee half the time. But don't fear for leg paralysis. She Will soon get over it.
 So long as "Ootsie Tootsie' flies to you on your return in the evening it will be plain sailing, but lookout for squalls when she begins to fly at you (The word squalls" is used nere in marine sense.)
 A woman derives great satisfac- ton from catcmng her husband in a lie once in a while, but don't lay yourself out to become specialist in that line, Strawberries and Cream" will catch you often enough without any special effort on your part
 It don't do any good to blow your breath hard on handkerchief or your coat sleeve before entering the house. It may kill it momentarily but the third or fourth commission of breath is sure to show up strong as q brewery.
 In all wcll-regulated families there is a code of unwritten signals This code is invariably prepared by the wife for the husbands benefit, and, while strangers never see them, many a husband is kept in fear and remblng for two hours by a mere look or motion of the cyclid his wife eyelid. The man never uses the code. He is the receiving oper- ator.
 Never argue with Pet. If she tells you black is white, admit it.. Ton may say it used to be black. but you had better say it to yourself
 If "Dovie" is on to her job, and il 3ne is like her mother and her grand mother she will be, she can switch from five hundred to "od hundred" without batting an eye, and you will not only be expected to follow suit, but you will follow shit.
 If chocolate drops" take mo- tion to have Grace said at her table, you might as well memorize a little spiel at once instead of attempting any side stepping
 If you need an urgent excuse for hitting the family bottle on Sunday just belore dinner, story of sudden cramps in the stomach will usually work, but don't attempt to pull it off to exceed twice a year
 You may be half dead with a cold but if you mention hot toddy. Lit tie Toots" will lose all interest in your case and say you are siam ming.
 If "Lovie Pet" wakes you at 2 a m. and says she is certain there is a tramp in the kitchen, get up at once even if you know it is only her imagination. If you fall over few chairs and break a toe or two it don't make any difference
 If you knock the clock off the shelf while hunting around at 3 a . m,, for the camphor bottle, don't swear so you can be heard as far away as the bed, else you will be called awkward and clumsy
 II "Kitton" issues an order to you at midnight to hustle out to the shelf behind the stove and bring in the Castoria bottle-but, hold on, the Stroller is getting somewhat ahead of the prescribed premises of this arti' cle.
 Don't become alarmed if you see Sweetness" in conversation with the