Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1906-03-18

lin this column will be answered al questions
qurers should write one side of the paper OF ly
and address their letters Uncle Jasper" Star
be delayed for a week or two Consequently q
NAV be advisable for all questiouers to watch tbs
column carefully.
ALTITUDE.-Is a fall from the roof Of
building one hundred feet high necessarily
fatal? A.-oh. dear. no. We once dropped
three hundred feet from the twentieth
story of Il skyscraper and 1t didn't hurt Us
a bit. They were picked pigs feet
SdockED.-Last week 1 saw Speaker
Cannon in green plaid suit yellow cross
barred hosiery and red neeltie. Was he
going to a masquerade? A.--Not at
all. Since the Speaker, through the kind
ness Of some North Carolina friends. Sc
the fashion-in htimespun goods, the eolored
messengers. Capitol guides, clerks to COM
mittees and newspaper men have fallen
into line. Suey frantIco exclusivorium!
L. b. k.-Last Monday the Official
weather forecaster announced that spring
was here. Was that Joke? A-The fore
caster won't think so when we meet him
We took his prediction seriously and went
out In open-work socks and peelt-a- boo
shirt to give the girls treat. We are
hampcred in answering your query by the
proximity of hot-water bag a quart OF
turpentlne, two dozen quinine capsules. an
army blanket, a menthol Inhaler and half
dozen all-hnen handlkerchiefs
ANONYMOUS have an enemy whom
L would Ike to lnjure. and / realize that
ndlcule is a very effective weapon.
am willing TO pay well for enough space
IN your column to roast him. Ave are
grieved and astonshed at the contents OF
your letter. We realize that you do nor
appreciate our high integrity. Drop around
some evening after Office hours.
BIBLIO-While passing the BaltImore
ana ohio depot the other day | picked up
slip OF paper on which the following was
inscribed:
Dickery, dlckery dock
Grandfathers hooked the clock
oh, what shall do?
There's a bug in my shoe
Or maybe It's inside my sock.
What does 1t mean? A.--WeIl, this IS IN
teresting! We didn't know that Eugene J.
ware the Alfred Austin of Kansas, had
struck town. Gene leaves those morsels o.
poetic thought around everywhere he goes.
ASTRoNOMY.-Dear Uncle Jasper. please
tell me where to look for the big di,per
tomorrow night. A.-You'll have to excuse
us. Why don't you get hired girl who re
members where she puts things? :.
BENEDICT.-wha is the proper thing 10
do when the baby cries? A-(io out and
take walk. That's a job for wife to wres-
tie with.
CURRENT EVENTS understand that
Representative Tawney of Minnesota, chair
man OF the House appropriations commit
tee, is making great name for himself as
an economist and treasury watchdog IL
this so?. A.-Sure. Mr.. Tawney saved the
government Sl.39 the other day on an an
preparation bill carrying S1l.495, 724. And
that's coming some.
o. FL am afraid of these new-fangled
patent medicines. Kindly give me the
recipe Tor a simple, old-fashioned spring
tonic A.-With pleasure. Mix one pound
or powdered sulphur. quart of dark
complexioned molasses, three ounces of as
safoetida, two bundles OF sage two ounces
of quinine and a pinch OF snuff II the FIRST
boil appears on the back of your neck Il is a
good sign. If they average more than four
to the square foot the tonic has done yos
good.
Jasper. saw dozen or more aged govern
ment clerks prancing up and down, waving
their arms above their heads and all talk
ing at once What was the trouble? A
No trouble at all. You were merely wit
Messing some enthusiasm. The gentlemen
in question were discussing the virtues Of
Representative Chairman Tawney Of the
appropriations committee, the age-linlt
and superannuation expert.
ILLUME.-I understand that Col. John
r. Mclean has large Income. Am ] cor
rect? A.-You are that Our gas bill has
been about 50 a month for some time Hard
times coming for John, though. We're go
ing to board. just for spite
*. &. N.-What Is the best time to call
on a man who has misunderstood some
thing you have said and who has threaten
ed to shoot on sight? Await until next
week. That's something of a question to
answer offhand.
MOONLlGHT.-Dear Uncle Jasper II
you happened to see the girl to whom you
are engaged In the embrace Of another
man would you understand that there was
something between them? A-Not very
much. Think this over and come again,
Moony. UNCLE JASPER,