The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1906-02-18

he has trayersed hundred thousand
| times and see--no, hear-what happens.
| lie Will collide with score OF things
before lie has gone three CARDS. A ehoe
! lying unancliorcd. for Instance, can hnrl
a mortal floorwards as though the lenth-
! or had the size and weight of an ex-
| press wagon.
And tho impact Of ones two shins
aguinst an Invisible chair can produce
| results leading the proprietor OF the shins
to believe that he is doing business with
| n cannon-bnll train on n record breaking
! trip.
| Under ordinary circumstances a clair
| Is about ~ docile q mass OF inscnsats
| matter as one could desire TO butt into,
but under cover of darkness it Is--wcl
you all know what Sherman aaid about
war
Apropos OF shfrrs and darlsness-injnd
you, this whole subject Is being treated
from 81 strictly masculine standpoint
1t would seem that the evolution process
IL defective in not having provided man
with tentaclcs for the two props in qucs-
lion. Yes, his shins should have some
sort of feeders" to- guide him out Of dan
ger mt night and protect linn from the
inanimate imps that beset his path at
every step.
Children. AFTER all, arc not SO far on
the track when they try retaliatory meas
,,res on the inanimate objects that offend
them. The small boy who RIMS Into a
door is pretty apt to even things UP by
giving tho door a vicious kick It does
tho boy good and apparently doesn't worry
the door. SO wlicie's the harm?
Yet grown felix's pretend to be seriously
shocked by such procedure. and arc apt
to follow up tho incident by bringing n
very animated slipper into play upon
certain invulnerable but very sensitive
portion of the boy.
They shouldn't do 1t, however. for these
same adults Mt night will become inflI-
rated ut u street car which Is slow in
showing up. and will CRASH their teeth
In rage at the ono eye Of the great, lum'
boring, Cyclopean thing aa 1t blinls at
them from ;lfar. AS FOR Telephones, every
atom Of tllem is 'excoriated and anath-
ematized. One day they are cursed for
not ringing: the next for ringing too,riuch.
And really 1t would seem thai Old Nick
certainly can do about as good a days
business on u telephone wire as anywhere 4
on earth, especially IL tho Invisible Sibyl
filling the rolo of "Central' happens TO
be "grouchy.''
Money being the root Of AL evil
Though nobody wants TO grub IL out
OF existence likewise does It's part to-
wards demonstrating the cussedness Of
inanimate things. Consider the case Of
a peuny-piece. II YOU wanted ono for
the purchase of a stamp or "a box of
matches or for 10 sbitttd man who couldn't
see what YOU were balnling OFF on lin.
no such coin could be foilrid for miles
around. But IL You happened to have
one In Your loose change. 1t would turn
up every time you dove into your poch-
cts and especially If you were Will,
ladies' and slyly wished to impress
them with the wealth on your person.
Nor would your troubles end IL you
took the coin home and gave it TO the
children For, although the little ones,
quinine capsule. they. one and ALL man
age 10 land every cent" they get in
deep centre
out ON Sheep Hill there is a man
whose children have swallowed 40 much
money that every time he gets hard
NJ he considers the advisabtlity of talk
ing his family to tho bank and having
ii discounted.
Now, 1T would have been well-nish linz
possible for these children TO have add
ed to their store of riches, as they have
done had 1t not been for the satanic
connivance of the inanimate coin in
question. You couldn't have rammed
bread pills down Chem, yet they gulp
down miniature cart-wheels every time
their pa Iooses up with his wages.
But why multiply examples when their
name is legion? The cussedness of IN
animate things, from the suil1otine Sic
ing off heads to the hairpiu dropped in
the pound cake by the gulleless cook, is,
so obvious that one IS iincensed TO be
reminded OF tho fact.