Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1906-07-22
ANSWERS TO
CORRESPONDENTS

I'm this column WIN be answered all questions
or proper nature submitted to The Star. fa-
curriers' should write on side Of the paper only
once In case Of difacut ccnundrams answers may
De deiaSed for week two. Consequently II
column carefuiiy.l
suBCRDaN-Dear Uncle Jasper. I tried
your suggestion for end-seat reform. but IL
didn't seem 10 work. Can't you propose
another ALI tipping UP the seat is In
effective you might try sitting In the lap
OF the monopolist. That will make a syn
dicate.
POLITfCO-I read the other day that
President Roosevelt turned In and cut his
own hay at Oyster Bay. Is he turning pop
ulistf A.-Your theory is disproved by the
latest photographs. The presidential whis-
kers are not in evidence.
o. B. M.-whom do you think the demo-
Gratis will name as Bryans running mate?
Ait the present rate vice presidential
propositions are being made Mr.. Bryan will
have full score of companions In 1908.
About the only democrat who has not been
mentioned a certainty for this job is one
G. Cleveland of New Jersey.
TORTURED-what has become OF the
man who was going to exterminate the MOS
quitoes by pouring kerosine on eli their
breeding places? A.-Probably working
overtime helping the Attorney General bust
the oil trust. so as to keep John d. Rookie
Teller from cornering the skeeter market.
PUZzLED-why does Mr. Gourdain OF
Chicago want to break into jail so badiy7
A-Probably because he will not have to
pay Ice bills IN summer and coal bills In
winter for several seasons. There are lots
of us who would prefer a jail sentence TO
the agonfes of writer's-cramp caused by
drawing checks.
CURIoUS-What was the origin OF the
expression "he laughed in his sleeve?" A.
Philologists are now agreed that II came
into use when the first man who wore
shirt cracked his funny bone.
Which would you advise me to keep, cows
or chickensg A.-Your money.
B. C.-when do the dog days begin7 A.
About when the duck pants.
DUBIoUs-The other day a well known
actress took second husband and gave her
age as thirty. The next day her son an
nounced his engagement and said he was
twenty-eight. Isn't there some mistake
here? A.-Not at all. II Is evident the boy
told naughty Hb. Anyway. it is the low
est form of wit to doubt a ladys confession
of years.
ROOTER-I am In serious trouble. I am
very fond of base ball and my wife has
notified me that the cook will leave IL ! get
home late for dinner once more. What am
/ to do? A sad case, but not hopeless.
Take the cook lady out to a few games.
coach her In the mysteries of the sport,
show her how to root for the home team.
and perhaps the problem will be solved.
You may later have to buy her a season
ticket and walt for your dinner, but sum
cient unto the day-you know.
9ohnny's out of bandages;
He still has both his eyes,
He has ten fingers and ten toes,
To intense surprise.
Just two weeks and half ago
He blew himself a wreck;
We worried some. but now We're glad
He saved his precious neck.
FOXY-My wife went away for the sum-
mer and Just when ! had overcome my
great grief and began to take notice again
my mother-in-law dropped in for little
visit. Have you anything to suggest TO
meet a distressing emergency? Aft the
good old game of having friend send you
a telegram to the house fails to work you
would better regard yourself as stung and
make I'D your mind to be pleasant to the
old lady Besides. she might really like
few side trips herself.
FASHION-Has the new fad of short
sleeves for men been introduced in Wash> :
ington yet? A.-Oh, dear yes, long ago.
Only yesterday saw several men who
have adopted this wrinkle They were ap-
parently closely connected with an impor-
tant architectural enterprise. One of them
had a queer-shaped thing full OF oblong
red stone on his shoulder. another was
pushing a seemingly disabled one-wheeled
automobile and others were swinging short
golf clubs or something of the kind. Any
way they were real busy and seemed conn
Portable. UNCLE JASPER q