Daily press. [volume] (Newport News, Va.) 1896-current, 1906-09-23

NEW YORK, y. Y. Sept. 22.-l
Mark Twain was in one of his merr:-
est moods when he recently address,
ell the banquet of the Associated
Press at the Waldorf.Astoria on the
wisdom o. the sinpliiicd form OF
spo ll!ns.
Like n father Gliding his err.ng
son The humorist urged upon the AS.
Soc!aicd Press To reform its spelling
and not make the English language
tough" when it is fluff" enough al.
ready.
He said he was urged by n desire
for the public good and his own priv.
ate gain in making his plea for sim
piiiicd spelling.
lie related the woes of authors who
are paid by the word. He said the
English language cheated them by
the use of words as long as yestibu.
ed trains. He was pathetic in his
plea for shorter ones. He almos;
shed tears over il. So did his lis.
ieners-tears Of laughter that kept
them convulsed troughou, the nd
dress which he made without tho
twiiching of muscle
Here is what he said:
Begins With Light Joke.
i am here to make an appeal To
the nations in behalf of the simpli
fled spelling. have come here be.
cause. they cannot all be reached OK.
ccpt through you. There are only
TWO forces that can carry light to all
the corners Of the globe-only two
the sun in the heavens and the Asso
c!atcd Press down here may seem
to he flattering the sun. but do not
mean it so; am meaning only to he
just and fair all round.
"iou speak with n million voices:
no one can reach SO many races. so
many hearts and intellects rs Won.
except itnryard Klpling. and he can.
not do it without your help If the
Associated Press will adopt ana use
simplilied forms and thus spread
them To the ends of the earth, cover.
Ing the whole spacious planet with
them rs with garden of flowers, our
difficulties are at an end
Just Wants a Trial.
Every day of the 3G5 the only
pages of the worlds countless news.
papers that are read by all the hui
IMAM beings and angels and devils
that can read are those pages that
are built out of Associated Press dis
patches So | beg you, beseeci
you-oh. implore, you-to spell them
In our smplificd forms. Do this
daily. constantly. persistently. for
three months-only three months
II is all ask. The infallible result !?
Victory. Victory all down the line.
For by that time all eyes here and
above and below will have become
adjusted to the change and in love
with it, and the present clumsy and
ragged forms will be grotesque to
The eye and revolving to the soul.
Some of the Words He Loathes.
"Then we shall be rid OF phthysis
and phthysic and pneumonia and
penumatic and diptheria and ptera-
lactyl and all those other insane
words which no man addicted to the
simple Christian life can try to spell
and not lose some of the bloom Of
his piety in the demoralizing attempt.
Do not doubt it. We are chameleons.
and our partialities and prejudices
change places with an easy and bIes-
sed facility. and we are soon wontel
to the change and happy in it, We
do not regret our old yellow fangs
and snags and tusks after we have
worn nice fresh uniform store teeth
a while.
do seem to be seeking the good
OF the world? That Is the idea. II
is my public attitude; privately am
merely seeking my own profit. We
all do it, but It Is sound, and It is
virtuous, for no public interest isl
anything other or nobler than 4 mas
sed accumulation Of private inter
ests"