Evening times-Republican. [volume] (Marshalltown, Iowa) 1890-1923, 1906-10-11

various street. diversified by house
and conservatory plants. The peas
antry Of the city passed to and fro O..
the fine pastura3e between the side
walks. Twas. for the world, like al
opera chorus when the Royal kafooz
lum is about to enter.
I'VE were rubbing the dust of the.
machine and getting fixed to star,
business the next day when big, fine
looking white man in white clothes
stopped at the door and looked In. We
ex ended the invitations, and he walk
ed inside aud sized us up. He was
chewing a long cigar and wrlnkline
his eyes, meaitative, like girl trying
to decide which dress to wear to the
party.
"'New York; he says to me finally.
Originally. and from time to time.
says. Hasn't it rubbed Off yet?'
"It's simple, says he, when YOU
know how. It's the fit of the vest
They don't cut vests right anywhere
else. Goats, maybe. but not vests
1.-THE white man looks at Henr.
Horsecollar and hesitates.
"Injun,' says Henry; tame Injun.'
'Melllnger. says the man--' Home.
p. MelIiager. Boys, you're conascated
You're babes In the wood without &
chaperon or referee. and it's MY duty
to start you going I'll knock out the
props and launch you proper in the
pellucid waters Of Eore-toe-kansaroo
You'll have to be christened, and ii
you'll come with me III break bot
tie of wine across your bows, accord
ing to Hoyle.'
"Well, for two days Homer P. Mel
linger did the honors. That man cut
ice In Sore-toeskangaroo He was 1t.
lie was the Royal Kafoozlum. If me
and Henry was babes in the wood, he
was Robin Redbreast from the top
most boueh. Him and me and Henry
Horsecollar locked arms and toted that
phonograph around and had wassail
and diversion. There was vino tinto
and vino blanco to drink with every
tune. The aborigines had requirements
of pleasant thing in the way Of
drinks that gums itself to the recollec-
ton. They chop off the end of green
cocoanut and pour In on the liquor or
it French brandy and gin. We had
them and other things.
'"NIine and Henry's money was coun-
terfeit. Everything was on Homer +.
Mellinger. That man could find rolls
of bills in his clothes where Hermann
the Wizard couldn't have conjured out
an omelet. He could have founded uni
versities and had enough left to buy
the colored vote of his country. Henry
and me wondered what his graft was.
One evening he told us.
".Boys,' says he. I've deceived you.
Instead of painted butterfly, I'm the
hardest worked man in this country.
Ten years ago landed on its shores
and two years ago on the point of its
Jaw. Yes; reckon can get the de-
cision over this ginger cake common
wealth at the end Of any round l
choose. I'll confide in you because you
are my countrymen and guests. even
If you have committed an assault upon
my adopted shores with the worst sys-
TEN Of noises ever set to music.
"NIy job is private secretary to the
president of this republic. and my au.
ties are running it. I'm not headlined
in the bills, but I'm the mustard In the
salad dressing. There isn't law goe'
before congress, there isn't conces
sion granted, there isn't an import
duty levied, but what II. p. Mellinger
he cooks and seasons it. In the front
Office fill the presidents inkstand and
search visiting statesmen for dyna
mite; in the back room dictate the
policy Of the government. You'd never
guess how got the pull. It's the only
graft of its kind In the world. I'll put
you wise. You remember the topllnsl
in the old copy books. Honesty is thu
best policy" That's It I'm the only
honest man in this republic. The gov