West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1906-03-29

| THE ARIZONA KICKER
What has Been Going on in aiveadau
aulch-colonel Gordon's Cow
boys Poor Marksmen.
We understand that George
Southwick, agent for the stage line
over to Lone Jack, has said that he
would shoot us on sight. AS he is
a cross.eyed man and doesn't know
one end of the gun from the other,
he had better hire man to hit us
with the broad of spade.
The editor of the Blue Grass
Banner paid us a call the other day
for the first time, and when we saw
what a knock kneed, lop shouldered
homely looking cuss he was we
could no longer wonder that a griz.
ely bear hasn't been seen within
ten miles of Blue Grass within the
last year. He'd scare dead COW
out of her tomb.
BY this time next week there will
be twenty six saloons and poker
rooms in this town. You don't
have to buy a drink to play a game
OF poker, and you can play poker
and not even call for water, but un-
less you are reasonably sure of hold
ing three aces in every hand you
had better let poker go and come
around and subscribe for the Kick.
er.
The Kicker will publish no wea-
ther predictions this winter. We
have tried il for two winters and
hit the nail on the head about once
in forty times. Everybody can take
his blamed old weather and carve il
up to suit himself, and the fault
finding will not be with us.
George Hennessey armed him
self with a revolver about rod
long the other day and called at the
Kicker office to shoot us for saving
that his father was in prison in In
diana for stealing hogs. Within
two minutes we satisfied Mr.. Hen.
nessey that his father had been dead
for thirty years, his mother for
twenty-five and that the item related
to Hennessey in Neyads. Half
the people who call to take a shot
at us act on the spur Of the moment.
The item floating around through
the western papers to the effect that
we have an automobile and are am
bling about with ii is the veriest
nonsense. A man who would run
an auto through this country would
be shot into scraps before he had
gone ten miles. Ice cream was IN.
troduced last summer for the first
time, but the people will stand no
further innovations for ten years to
come.
The Lone Jack Recorder asks il
we have lost our aspirations for the
presidency. We have not. We
haven't said anything for the last
two or three weeks, but we have
had our ear to the ground just the
same. We have started out to
reach the White House, and if we
fail get there about FIVE States in
the west will go over on their beam
ends and dump their population out.
While horseback riding in the
vicinity OF Silver Creek last Sunday
we were suddenlybeset by seven or
eight Of Colonel Gordon's COW boys,
who haYe been seeking our life for
the last three months. We did not
stop to sing any songs or make any
speeches, and by good luck and the
speed Of our cayuse we arrived
home to continue to edit the great
and only dollar family weekly II
we couldn't shoot better than the
boys did we'd give up the business.
We were eating dinner at the
White Eagle hotel the other day
when little shooting ARRAY occur.
ed. a gues! named Tooley, who is
from Denver, found a shirt button
in his soup and raised such a row
about il that mine host could do
nothing less than shoot him through
the shoulder. II was, as everybody
agreed, a small matter to raise a
row over. Buttons, buckles and
things Of that sort arc apt to get into
the soup in the hurry and rush, and
your true gentleman will put them