Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1906-09-08

longed too, and much more keenly, for the
tingling ecstatic sense of well-being that
the laudanum produced. All day, even
had been almost unable to think Of any
thing but that. All day he had thirsted,
| even when he definitely rejected the Idea
Of taking it. for that stimulated conscious
ness, that huge vivid sense Of happiness,
which already seemed to him the proper
normal level Of life. Already, too. he was
beginning to be dishonest with himself,
Just as yesterday he had been dishonest
with Maud: and even as he took 1t he told
himself that he would not have done so had
not Mr.. Cochran been dining with him. 1t
was impossible to send him away five
possible that he should spend the evening
alone with Maud. And though that was
true. 1t was not the essential truth.
He took the glass in his hand, wishing,
Gagged beast that has been roaring for its
food sits snarling when 1t has got 1t before
1t begins to assuage its hunger-pangs, TO
prolong for moment more this stabbing
pain, and the anticipation Of Its ceasing,
and he sat down in an easy chair, putting
up his feet on another. to make himself
quite comfortable before he drank 1t. His
room looked northwest, and. though IT was
latitude still shone in at his window, bath
ing him in its crystal light. Then he
drank.
Inside his head during this last hour he
felt as If a sort of piston-rod had been
making regular firm strokes on to some
bleeding mangled nerve. The end OF the
piston rod was sometimes fitted with a
blunt hammer, so that 1t sQuashed the seat
of pain, sometimes with sharp needle
point that went deeper and seemed to pene-
trate> and reach the very center OF his being
Then perhaps the pistol rod would cease for
a while, and an iron-toothed rusty rake
collected the smashed fragments OF nerve
together again, SO that the hammer should
not leave any of the scattered pieces un.
pulverized, and the rake made neat pile OF
the raw tortured bits, SO that they might
receive the blows of the blunt hammer
again This raking back Ohe image was so
vivid to him that he almost believed 1t ac-
tuaIly occurred) was about the worst part;
he knew that the steady squashing ham
mer was coming on again. But now, few
minutes only after he had taken his dose,
though the hammer did not cease to fall, Its
duced instead warm. tingling sensation
like that which one feels when one spreads
out icy fingers to a friendly blaze. And
that tingling warmth spread slowly
and flooded his body and limbs to toe and
finger tip. He forgot what pain meant,
knowing only what the oncoming or TINS
absolute physical bliss was like The sun
that still shone in at his windows burned
with a ruddier and more vivid light, the
glory Of 1t was soft but incredibly brilliant,
and to his Quickened sense OF smell the air
that came in through the open windows
was redolent with the honeyrscent OF warm
heather. The blind had been a little drawn
down over the top of the/window-the tap
of 1t Tapping against the jamb-but where
as when he was dressing for dinner an hour
ago it was fretting, an irritating thing,
1t now seemed to him to give out hute-like
vibrating notes. The present moment, ms
own sensations were all Quickened to the
vividness OF dream life, while 1t was but
vaguely that he remembered that down.
stairs Maud was sitting with a very pleas
ant American fellow who had come to din
ner but with the gates Of paradise here
upstairs flung wide to receive him he could
not fix his mind on him sumciently TO re-
call much about him. No doubt II he made
an effort he could remember what he was
like and what his name was, but an effort
was the one thing he certainly would not
make, since It might destroy or disturb this
perfect equilibrium on which he was bal
anced. Besides, there was really no req son,
downstairs Maud and her friend would
talk about fishing for while and then he
ah, yes, Walter Cochran-would go away.
They would both easily understand his non
appearance He had suffered tortures;
1t was absurd not to grant him this little
compensation
Then for a moment the habit and breed
ing of his whole life jerked him to his feet,
in order to rejoin them. But the drug he
had taken was more powerful than they:
1t told him that this ecstasy OF conscious
ness would be trespassed on and internered
have. to some extent. to attend to them
instead OF being absorbed in the exquisite
ness of his own sensations And those
sensations had nothing whatever in COM
mon with either sleep or fntoxication: he
was lifted on to a higher level of perception
than the normal: he basked In super-solar
sunlight.
Then, still without any hint of sleepiness
or loss of consciousness. the most wonder
full visions, or rather the intentional visual
ization Of magicaiiy beautiful scenes. passed
In front of him. He. like Keats, was
listening to the nightingale. and losing
himself in "embalmed darkness to the
music of the song, while all the ,"weari-
ness, the fever and the fret were remem-
bered only as the traveller arrived at his
long-sought home remembers the WEAKNESS
of the way. He mounted higher than the
blithe spirit of the lark could carry him.
| and hung In ether SO remote that the sun