The morning Astorian. [volume] (Astoria, Oregon) 1899-1930, 1906-10-02
A COIN OF COURTESY
The GUINEA or THE Ek0LlsHMAN
10 NOT Al COIN AT ALL.


Iixistencs. nnd u Il Used Only IL
Imagination ns a,Itathrr Awkward
standard " Monetary Value.
or all the obstacles ,hat confront ID,
Engllahman tho dulnea IL the mos
amazing. The other dny IN American
guest inquired OF mo. what Ii a giin
car lie had been asked for one by .
circulating library. II seems an easy
question 10 answer. but aa | had beer
puzxiIng over the division of nn lmagi
nary giilnen into -four parta the cxpln
nation took time. II was ~ diiIicult ~
explaining cricket to derman--iIl
German.
''show me one." said tho American.
confessed that ! did not possess
one.
"whnt. not S525f"
"Ycs. but not guinea. We don't
hive guinea In England any moro"
''I,nt you talk In guIneaa!'
That's onr f,ing | replied lamcly.
Nevertheless there IL something 10 bc
said for anr systcm, Indeed, one might
argue that this lncessnnt obsincle race
over the multiplication tables tliat We
have 10 enter insurca u bracing OF tho
muscles. We are always kept on the
alert 10 fatloli the relations between \
pottlc. a perch and u guinea or some
such absurd md f0rlIitons combIna'
/tion. md one may suspect that this
tightening and atrengthenlng OF the
muscles IN the obstacle rncc IL really
the source of I'm .inni's greatness.
For all practical purposes the guinea
--ln which we taik--is tho most prcpos'
terousiy absurd coin In the world. for
II does not exist cDrporenlly. Some
few honest citizens wear spade gninens
ON their watch chains But II they tried
10 pass them over 10 the booking clerk
ON the underground railway they would
ba In danger of the judgment. There
are no guiucas In England. Yes. In
imagination they exist.
And never more accuse yourself OF
belonging 10 an nnImnglnniiye nation
OF shopkecpers. The guinea IL the coin
Of courtesy. Just because Il IA not q
coin nj all Aud iss preservation az an
anomaly Ia a curious proaf Of the In
nate coustefy of the EnslIs',map, who
will face nay aFlthlGetlcal ineonyen.
icnce rather than put n slur on a
friend.
This you may see from the lists Of
subscriptions for the gentleman In dis.
trcss, you cannot offer him the neces.
aaries of life. when the friend falls
by the waysidc II must bc gulneas, not
soyereigns. that you supply. and one
feels glad that the remarks OF the
meanest sport that cxists-thc sport OF
kings--offcrs prizes In "sovs." II Is
merely the analogue Of TINT convention
which regulates gifts between equals,
Etiquette fofbids your sending a
friend u leg OF mutton that II, SOW.
crcign. the ordinary, hundrum coin,
But yon may send him nhensnnts oys'
tors. grouse or salmon. more especially
II the salmon II the victim Of yonr own
erode. pole nnI perch" Possibly the
real explanation IL ihni, as q matter Of
courtesy. you inny not give man
what he could obtain at the nearest
sbopit must be something that IA not
easily obtRlnnhle.
Now. gtiinen In not easily Obtains
ble. and the difference between offer.
Ing n man guinea aud Offering him n
sovereign II the difference between
sending n man leg OF mutton and
sending him barrel of oysters. That
little silly shilling stNick on to tho Hov.
creIgn, thai retention Of the ghost OF q
coin long dead and horne on n watch
chain. with the iocket containing O
twist ot great.great.auntlc's hair. wss
its significance,
II Ii the embodiment OF the English
mans innate Ideallsm. 1t ls like the
equally silly Esq" which we tnck on
the names of friends, There are no
csquIres nowadays and no gulneas, but
\ve see them with The eye OF faith,
Aud we sacrifice TO our faith consider
able muscular excrtlon, many blobs OF
Ink and sundry sblllngs that might
otherwise stock our houses with cheap
reprints Of the worlds best books.
You will naturally conclude that |