Martinsburg statesman-democrat. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1906-1921, 1906-10-26
s1m Jones' PIihy Sayings.

woman who will act as barkeeper for
her husband
I'll wear garments made Of wire be-
fore I'll wear garments made at 30
cents dozen.
Every barroom is recruiting office
for hell.
Sow whisky and you'll reap drunk
ards.
Christ won't stay in house with
a cellar full of whisky.
Sow little parties and reap big ones.
Sow these and reap bathrooms. Sow
these and reap germans, and from
these reap spider-legged dudes, and
from these you'll reap haIf-thimbful
of calves foot jelly.
There is such a thing as the race
running out in dudes, and God knows
| am glad of it.
The most demoraIlzng and damning
the most insidious is the city club.
/ have seen men converted from the
barroom and from everything else, hut
never, never have 1 seen a man con-
verted from club.
| never ;saw first-class billiard
player who was worth the powder ano
lead to kill him.
What is a town woma n but coun-
try woman with Sunday clothes on?
I'd rather be dead than be in fash
ion.
The more bent, mashed and warped
the lady's hat is the more fashionable
it is.
Shall | come to Baltimole and ask
your little dudes and dudiyes how to
preach the gospel?
a little party is only bi one with
short skirts on.
Religion don't help fell%w to quit
his meanness, but it helps hlm to stay
quit.
Doubts,are bnt the children of sin.
Repentance is quitting your mean
ness
I'm not muddy physician, and |
am not kin TO any.
Infidelity is nine-tenths mouth.
Give your hearts to God aud he will
como the kinks out of your head.
An honest man who's seeking after
G I'd is as sure of heaven as the man
W 10 is on full tilt after glory.
vii We got as much respect for the Sc
f lIows with striped clothes Jas | have
for you who hop around at every tap
of the devils drum,
If ever my daughters cut off any of
taeir skirts, | don't want them cut
from the top.
There's many an honest foel-and,
after all, that the best class.
am sorry for a fellow who's cot
nothing but money, for when that's
ont, he's out.
Ifyou won't pay yo..r debts nobody
won't pay you.
| would rather do anything than
stand UP before the tongue of mad
woman.
The biggest fool know is a woman
who marries a man, knowing all the
time that he is dissipated.
God gave woman little fist and
never adjusted her life to guns and pis-
tolls.
You make the coffee bitter and get
mad because our husbands say it amt
sweet.
You can't control your husband by
argument and dictation.
am sorry for any woman wlo will
sit and listen to gossip about her hus-
band.
The switch is good ia its place, but
its place is on the tree.
The gentle horse works anywhere,
50 does gentle Methodist or Presbyte-
rlBn
Find man better than yourself. If
you can't lind one, stand by yourself,
although you may be with the biggest
rascal in town.
A man may go to hell from the sac
ramental table,
God pity methodist the devil has
got out in the woods running saw
mill instead of passenger engine a
mile a minute.
Creed is but the skin of truth set up
and stuffed with something
times with saWdust and sand.
1fyou can't follow a creed it's got
no legs. lou got to tote it,
When a preacher and church
haNn't got much religion, they must
have some creed.
There : many 81 soul in heaven today
who never saw a creed or heard of one.
You cant argue a man into religion
and a man can't argue his way INTO
heaven,
like man who can prove by his
wife that he's got religion.
ia as soon get on my knees and
pray for silk hat as pray for faith,
Whenever a man Is out OF jon he