davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-08-29
POINTED PARAeRApHa
[From the Chlcago g.

EFrom the Chicago NewE.1
Being funny Is the hardest kind of work
When It comes to getting inside infor-
nation the surgeon leaves the physician
at the post.
The lucky man can AFFORD to pose as a
disbeliever in luck.
BY dropping a penny in the slot the
right weigh may be pointed out.
A woman cares not who has the first
word provided she has the rest of them.
A bird in the bush is worth three in the
hand-if the game warden catches you.
You need not fear that man can't
hear a word Of cheer If it's pronounced
In the case of the police magistrate.
some one has remarked that his work is a
fine art.
Only the wise girl selects for husband
man whose mother didn't know how to
cook.
Even the young man who Is able to hold
his own may prefer to hold the hand OF
a pretty girl
A woman is always wanting man to
tell her that he loves her and she doesn't
believe him II he does
A woman can do a thing she doesn't
want to do without making unprintable
remarks, but few men can do it.
But for a headache a man has in the
morning he probably wouldn't reTnemb@R
the good time he had the night before.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-08-29
KANSAS cOMMENT
- I'D KANsAs.

Taft may be the Republican nominee
Tor the presidency in 1905 but will
Kansas Republicans forget that he
gratuitously made fun of our prohibit
ton law when he was in the state a
few years ago? Went out of his way
10 be sarcastic over something that was
none Of his business. He also said Gov
ernor Robinson and Eli Thayer were
the only great men the early Kansas
struggle developed. Republican papers
may have to forget and forgive, that )
common and easy, but Holy Moses,
make fun of our morals all Of which
are our own private property, and then
only remember two OF our first magni-
tude stars, one of them not very big
at thatl It is too much: two too much.
Clay Center Times.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-08-29

Yours Just to hand finds all In good
helth and glad to kno your family ENJOY
the same Crate blessing l went away the
day of Sept and Come hoam Last night
we went in by the planes with the OK
team sech Roin it he'd raned a hole
week but clered Cool and cam the 5
Wensday / Called 2 Big Bulls in the
midell of the big Bong Boath come up
the Same time and the man from Bos-
ton Shot Shots at the Boath as they
Went away unframed i he'd promis not
to Shoot they was a yung Bull squelln
Round the camp all Mite we follered the
nine mile redge and picked up the Ca
noe on fraser stream Where you ketch-
ed the fore Founder We made the long
portage sunday and see Big tracks all
the way i never see so mulch bear
Works on the RIGGS seen he was in a
hurry next spring I will tend to them
the CARIBOU hes moved agen Thursday
we wus to the burnt lands near the
uper camp Called a ole Stager up to
20 PAGES and the man from Boston
dassent miss his horns was SIS inch 26
pints no Mister r / wont Drop the
Birch horn for emmy man white or Red
if god sends cam mornings we had no
mishaps and cover some Ground / am
Sorry you couldn't of photoed them
Bulls they was reddy for Battel till
the battery opened trapin signs prornis
Good an so no more at Present hoping
this will find You enjyin the same good
Helth Ernest Russell in The Outing
Maya zine.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-08-29
ouAKER REFLEcTToNs.


IFrom the Philadelphia Record.1
The editor who steals jokes must b
cliptomaniac.
Any fool can catch on, but It takes q
wise man to let go.
A fool and his money make the rest OF
the world rejoice.
With a woman even her salad days are
a matter of dressing.
No, Maude. dear. it Isn't half so hard
to shoe hen as 1t is to shoe a horse
Some self-made men give the in1pressioa
that they have cheated themselves.
A ripe old age Is all right but the trou-
BILE with old age is that II Is so often
green.
Even the poet might succeed If he would
only throw away his rhyming dictionary
and go to work.
It is the lightning that strikes but the
thunder makes all the noise. in which Il
resembles the walking delegate
Neli--AIiss Antique clings to the idea
Belle-Vsll It must be comforting TO
her She hasn't much chance here. "
1T is never too late to learn quoted
the Wise Guy Yes, assented the Sim
pie Mug. but sometimes we md there is
nothing left to learn except that it is too
late"
Little Brother-"While Mr. Bizhedde
was waiting for you to come down last
night he told me he didn't know the mean
ing Of fear" Big Sister-And what did
you zay? Little Brother Sothfn' I
Just brought him the dictionary
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-08-29
Monkexs as Nurses.

Monkeys make poor nurses" said a
zoo keeper when they live near a
stream of water. and one of the colony
falls sick, they Invariably toss him over
board They don't want him around.
His signs and groans annoy them So
'Pssti on the dockl
Here in captivity I have to remove
at once a sick monkey from his com
rades' reach Otherwise they would
soon kill him When they can, well
monkeys take a strange joy in torment
ing an invalid. They bite the end Of
his tail. they drag him about. they pinch
him Finally, when he dies, as many
as can find room sit on his body. close
together very solemn, as though en-
gagged in some religious rite.''-Ex-
change
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-08-29
GLOBE SIGHTS
lion. the Atchlson GIol

From the Atchison Globe.1
A man who doesn't fret a little. doesn't
amount to much.
If all the people were candidates we
could get along easier with them.
Some people dislike graphophones as
much as they dislike elocutionists.
you're moving about as fast as stick
ing plaster" a father said to his son.
No man who weighs over 200 pounds
should claim that he works too hard
Every time a cash store is opened peo-
pie are crazy to go there and try to buy
on credit.
The trouble with many people is they
insist upon thrUsting their jokes down
their friends throats
When a man says neighbor's child is
good and he likes to have It visit at his
house. that's pretty good sign that it
is good.
When the authorities raise money to
send an unf wtunate man on to his rela-
tives we always wonder how the relatives
like it.
s'Iu attend to my own business a man
often says, Indignantly, but he frequent
" insists on butting into the business of
other people.
I'm no hand to tell story" a man
said today; Il hurry through 1t too fast: -
We should say that was a good failing in
telling a story
There is one thing the majority Of faith
eTs can be thankful for; There is no pos
sibility Of their. daughters falling in love
with the chauffeur.
we suppose that if a fairy were to
grant a married woman her wish q doz-
en- or more extra nanGs would grow on
her to assist in doing her work.
This is how soundly boy sleeps in
the mornings It viii take his father at
least ten minutes to wake him up. and
it viii take his mother an hour and a
half
A man may get tired occasionally OF
seeing the same face opposite him at ev-
cry meal but do you notice how mad he
+ Is when he goes home and finds that thai
face is not there2
The other morning the ice man dropped
/ a. cake of ice on his foot and criDpied him
/ self. 1T wasn't the size cake he leaves
at my house." patron said, on hearing
of the accident.
A certain fund was lately raised il
I Atchison I don't care for the SIS
gave" said one merchant this morning
but it's the idea 7 don't know, an
much about the idea. as do about the s.;
& gave"
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-08-29
JOURNAL ENTRIES

A formerly of Kansas man has writ
ten a book and advertises that it has
been commended by Jack London. II
that is all the commentator it can
scare up. this department will read
something else.
x
A seat on the New York stock ex-
to be a mighty comfortable chair to
tempt US to pay that much for it.
X
Il notice." said Deacon Twogood To-
day, that It is estimated that each
person eats on an average one-third Of
a barrel of salt year. It's mighty
evident Bill Doolittle hasn't been get
ting his share. He's just about as
fresh as they make 'em."
Walter Wellman has decided not to
go to the North Pole this summer. A
good many other people have made that
same decision, and it didn't get into
the newspapers either.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-08-29
FROM OTHER PENS
FUTURE AERIAL NAVIGATION.

FUTURE AERIAL. NAVIGATION.
If there is any connection between
balooning and aerial navigation it is
remote. The airship of the future
probably will not have even speaking
acquaintance with the clumsy gas bag
that now is a necessary part of the ap-
paratus by the aid of which aeronauts
rise from the earth and accomplish
brief flights. Some day scientists Will
conquer the real theory of flight. Much
progress has been made in that direc-
ton already through study of the me
chanicaI principle operated by birds.
once those principles are discovered
and the problems of their application
is solved man will build himself an
actual airship having a commercial
value. Then the question of the weight
to be raised will be relative only, and
the airship will be as Independent of
air currents, as the seagoing ship now
is of water currents Columbus Sun.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-08-29

laughed. II shall have to tell Dick the
trouble he got me into"
Don't you dare, she pleaded.
Promise you won't"
ION conditions ne offered.
We'll ~ she asked.
First, he began, that you promise
never to be Jealous again.
81 promise she agreed
THAT you take back the ring you
gave me the other day and promise to
keep It on this time until I add to It q
wedding ring
She stretched out her hand in an
swer.
There's a third condition. he in
sisted.
That you give me what I did not
get from Beth Connors," he leased, as
he bent his head to her lips
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-08-29
In HoIIdax Tfne.

The waves broke in the summer night
with a nournful sound, and the moon
light on the sea made a highway as Of
shimmering silver.
"Darlingl"
The voice of the youth vibrated with
deep feeling
Darling, swear that you viii love me
forever
The young girl sighed softly.
Forever Forever is a long time,
isn't it?' she murmured. I dare not
swear to love you forever"
Swear, then" he pursued. in indpas-
stoned accents, Ito love me till the end
OF my vacation. six days hence. Los
Angeles Times.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-08-29
THE HELP PRoBLEM.

Are the young people leaving this
the women are complaining about the
shortage of girls to help in the house
work, the farmers are complaining that
they can't secure sufficient hands to
put Up their hay. John Giesy says he
has worn himself out hunting for hands
to help in the haying and from all parts
of the county comes the same story. A
farmer was here a few days ago trying
to borrow some of the hands from the
Printery to help harvest his hay but as
he didn't ask the boss to go too, there
was nothing doing. There has been a
scarcity of help IN Corey county all
summer and in town 1t is practically
impossible to find man to do odd jobs
unless you wait your turn.-Burlingto
Republican.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-08-29
JUST PUNISHMENT.

Judge Bossier Of Louisiana viii now
have leisure TO consider the story of
the horse shoe nail that lost a battle.
The old jingle had 1t, For want of the
nail the shoe was lost: for want of the
shoe the horse was lost; for want of
the horse the rider was lost; for want of
the rider the battle was lost; and all
for loss of a horse shoe nail The
judge neglected to pay his tri1ing poll
tax. Under the Louisiana law tins de-
prives him of his nomination to con-
gress, which was equivalent to cleo
ton. The punishment is just enough.
Failure to pay ones just taxes is a neg
lect of duty which is not safely to be
rewarded by public preferment.=
LeavenWorth Times.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-08-29

For several days four or five sparrows
had visited a certain place on the roof
near my window. They always brought
food for another little fellow, who never
tried a fight from the spot The visit
ing sparrows never came empty billed
They would drop tiny morsels of food
near the little sparrow. When 1t began
to eat the crumbs the others set up a
great chipping and then flew away.
After watching this for a few days I
went out on the roof and approached
the lone bird. It did not fiutter away
from me, and made no resistance when
I picked it UP.
The sparrow was blind. It's eyes were
covered with q miik-iike hlm.-Outing
MAGAZINE
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-08-29

Mrs. Knicker-Does your husband ever
Mrs Boeker 1 S9t'I ne has to fasten 80
many of mine that he wouldn't have time
for his own, anyway.-N. 7. Sun.
Doctor. isn't it a good deal Of trouble
% get up a serInS2n IN such depressing wet
NO. young man! the only trouble I have
IS getting up a congregatton.-Chlc
Tribune.
Did you ever hear Borely try to tell a
Yes: and IT'S no 5oke.',-Baltimore
rs that friend OF your a great de-
he is. answered Senator Sorghum. ''in
the kind Of an argument where money
talks. Washington Star.
visitor-well. Bobby. and what DO you
think your be when you grow up2
chant. like Uncle Joe.-Brooklyn Life.
GriggzThat fellow Spices claims to be
Briggs-He is. He takes their orders
for groceries over the phone.-Boston
Transcript.
say. Weary, wot's contenp' of
Its ue finest kind O. contemp' you can
feel A man wot has it would give up a
tousand dollars a day sooner'n work for
H. Cleveland Plain Dealer.
You hear so many people quoting about
the way of the transgressor.' What does
My dear sir, the weigh of the trans
gressor Is usually about 800 pounds OF
coal to the ton. "-Philadelphia Ledger.
Author-Tn this scene some one comes
IN suddenly and tells you that your hus-
and then you swoon-
Actress-0h, that viii be nice.
Author-Then the leading man comes in
Actress That-brings me two hus-
bands ?-Xonkers Statesman.
Bocker-Going on football and his faith
er IS over tennis-N. 7. Sun.
G5oaak sA say. you know. that a
Joskley-But if it's a very young cat
] Coakley-N Nonsense,
Joakiey-oh, yes, cat has nine lives
and a kit-ten-chicago Chronicle.
First Arab (after spelling out advertise
ment Of celebrated piiD-Hi Enrv
wouldn't yer like a pill for that feeling
Second Arab-Td like that feeling fust.
Mrs Muggins-The doctor has advised
mrs Bjones to take things easy for a
Mrs. Buggins-I wondered why she had
her own work.-Philadeiphia Record.
80, II you ever cross my path again, he
ware said the man with the red face
Why. are you going to get an autorno-
bheE asked the other.-Y onkers States
man.
We visited the slums yesterday"
Ism it awful the way people iive?''
! Courier-Journal '''0
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-08-29
THE ORACLE.

This country could be saved lot
OF knocks that's rather rough
If Uncle Jim would only learn
To jes' speak quick enough.
Whenever any trouble comes,
NO matter IN what cline,
We're surprised, but Uncle jim,
He knew It all the time
It's marvellous how accurate
His Judgment always seems.
He simply smiles when er he reads
OF queer financial schemes.
There's nothing that's ridiculous
Nor nothin that's sublime
Kin ever startle Uncle Jim.
He knew 1t all the time.
Florida Times Union.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-08-29
KANSAS BANKs-

It was not so many years ago that
Kansas was carried by political party
which declared in its national platform
that we were on the verge OF moral,
social and financial ruin. Here are the
facts at The present time: Kansas has
more banks per capita, with one excep-
ton, than any other state in the union
while two states only, Pennsylvania
and Missouri have a greater number OF
banking institutions. There is in Kan
sas one bank for every 1850 persons
which showing beats that made by
Scotland. which has held the record for
years, by a wide MAJ gin. In Scotland
there is one banking Institution for
every $500 people.-Osborne Farmer.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-08-29
REFLEcrIoNs o. a BAccHEIoR
20 the New Y0rk -

Unless a vacation costs a good deal Of
money, nobody thinks he had a good time.
Generally a man Is very disasreeable II
he has hot temper and not much good
II he hasn't.
There would be real fun IN going to ex-
pensive restaurants II you could get any
thing good to eat.
It's the woman that no men ever would
look at that seems to be most suspicious
they are staring at her.
A woman is never sure she wants 70 go
TO heaven when she thinks the clothes
they wear there might not Be beeoming
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-08-29

Now that Emperor William and
King Edward have kissed and made
up; now that Senator Plat and Chair
man Odell have fallen into each other
arms: now that Leader Murphy and
Editor Hearst speak as they pass by;
now all would be sweetness and light if
President Roosevelt and Senator Till
man only would drop the big stick and
the pitchfork and rub noses.-Wash-
ington Post.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-08-29

abolished entirely unless it can be
made a better fundamentally Tor &C
complishing It's purpose improve
with the marty managers. The law can
hardly attempt to bring it about
In adopting a primary election law
Kansas should avoid the pitfalls other
states have fallen into and adopt some
system that viii really allow the ma
jority to rule.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-08-29

tan-ender among the four candidates
in the primary vote, and The next man
to him was also an avowed antt-pro-
hibitionist. while the winner has al
ways favored prohibition. There are
probably more prohibiuonists in Texas
than there are in Kansas.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-08-29

What an edifying spectacle It viii be
81 the Democrats will accept the chal-
lenge issued by the Republican state
committee for each state candidate to
meet his opponent on the stump in
4oint debate! Then we viii have a
campaign worth while. Bring on your
candidates
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-08-29
- ME DESERT.

The rain belt in it's westward move
nent seems TO have spread clear out
over New Mexico and Arizona last
week. For a semiarid region the way
railroad bridges went sailing away in
the direction of the gulf corrugated
the brows of track superintendents
nerally.-Wichita Eagle.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-08-29

There must be some fake about that
new trick OF Sandow- Simpsons said
Tete de Veau-
what trick is that?" LfOIgnon asked.
why the strong man closes and
locks. unassisted and within I'VE min
utes. a Saratoga trunk packed by a wo-
man fer weeks trip to the eeashore. -
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-08-29

The Worcester Telegram got out an
Issue yesterday in which it tried Presi-
bent -Roosevelt's phonetic spelling idea.
but it took extra help to do 1t. Spell
ing words simply is hard work when you
are not used to it. If you don't believe,
1ust try writing a letter using phonetic
enaf1tnv
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-08-29

An editorial paragraph ought to be
so good that 1t will spring spontaneous
" into being, leaving its author only
the work of arranging the words. A
good many of the paragraphs on this
page are the result OF hard grinding
That's why they are so punk.-Law-
renee World.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-08-29
a FEELrNG TOUCH.

It is to be hoped that when the
Bryan reception committee invited
Tom Taggart to contribute to the fund
they carefully refrained from putting
it in the form of a request to chip IN.
washington Post.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-08-29
pROFTTs AND PROPHETS.

If railroad rate legislation has Grip
pied the railways the managers and
owners don't seem to be aware Of It.
Their roads are doing more business
than ever, and railway shares are
booming @Philadelphia Record.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-08-29

Things are beginning to assume their
normal condition around the offices OF
the Atlanta Constitution and the Omaha
Bee-since the editor of each was licked
aest week
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-08-29

Among the many members OF the
gentler sex who have brought suits
against Secretary Loeb for various al
legged causes, you VIII note the absence
of the nams Of one Carrie Nation Mrs.
zEanon does not have to resort to any
tnins ike that to keep up her line Of
e6rertisina
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-08-29

Very likely Mr.. Bryan will have to
hire a clipping bureau when he gets
home to keep track Of the state con-
ventions that are endorsing him.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-08-29

Since Senator Long and some of the
Republican nominees for state offices
are to campaign in the Seventh district
with an automobile, look out for the
Democratic charge that the Standard
Oh company is furnishing the gasoline.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-08-29
MAGIC NUMBERS.

Here is good string of numbers TO
mention in writing to your friends back
east: 81. SS5, 676. They represent the
number of bushels of wheat realised in
Kansas this year.-Atchison Globe.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-08-29

What are we coming to? A half cen
hurry ago the women Of America were so
modest that they combed their hair
down over their ears. considering it
dreadfully improper to have their ears
show Now they wear peek-a-boo
LASTS
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-08-29

If the Standard Oil company is fined
HE maximum amount on those six
thousand and odd counts for which it
has just been indicted, Mr. Rockefeller
may be q little short Of change with
which to finance that Baltc-Black sea
,r~a1
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-08-29

During that sham battle to be con
Quoted by Fighting Bob Evans It
might be Just as well for the recording
angel to keep a wad Of cotton in each
ear.=Washington Post.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-08-29

There is a suspicion in some circles
that a revision Of the tariff must be
preceded by a revision Of the member
shin lists Of congress.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-08-29
FULL LEASED WIRE REPORT
or THE ASSOCIATED PRESS

they are hurrahing for Hoch down in
Georgia also-Hoke Smith.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-08-29

Up in Michigan they are now blaming
khe little English sparrow for an cpl
hemic Of typhoid fever. When in doubt,
blame the sparrow.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-08-29

The Lindsborg Record insists that
Uncle Joe's presidential boom doesn't
Bound so much like that of a Cannon
ss II does like q popgun.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-08-29

This suggestion naturally comes
from the Lawrence World: The Cuban
boss busters are wasting their oppor-
tunity They are threatening to blow
an bridges and shoot soldiers when they
might be issuing statements and ask
lng campaign questions. President
palma is a public official ana would
have to answer"
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-08-29

South America is enthusiastic for
Secretary Root. But South America
WIN have no votes in the next Republi-
can national convention. so the mead
OF the war department is not worrying
aho11t it.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-08-29

Looks as though South Carolina pro
poses to so into the lynching business
on a wholesale scale.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-08-29

It is very natural for the people to
yet hot at the ice trust when the sup
piy is short and the price high.