The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1906-10-08
How TO Manage a Husband

The civilization Of Chicago is always
evolving something new that attracts the
attention of the world. Nothing Of con
temporaneous interest that has happened
in that strange community will contribute
more to the unraveling OF a bothersone
problem than the announcements Of a
sapient Chicago woman, who has been IN
the letters of wedlock sixty years. on
the important question Of how wife can
manage n husband. Many great minds.
even including that of Edward Box. have
tackled this question. only TO become
hopelessly enmeshed in the tangled web
OF their own logic
Mrs Blakesley told her earnest listeners;
Of the siXtieth anniversary OF her mar
riage, called around her a numerous com
pany Of Chicago married women of all
ages and varying terms Of servitude. and
revealed to them the secret of her sue
cess in managing ner worse half. ExUlt-
ant in her achievement, as she has a
right TO be, Mrs Blakesley summarized
her philosophy-gav as the alpha and
omega Of her system-thus;
Make your husband stay in nights.
Don't let him carouse around.
We repeat that Mrs Blakesley has been
married TO one man sixty years. and in
view Of her claim that in all that stretch
of time she has been perfectly happy
and has never quarreled with John" we
submit other features OF her system for
the good Of The cause.
Never quarrel and you viii be happy. ~
Mrs. Blakesley told her earnest listeners:
and then. answering a question as TO how
quarreling was to be avoided. said. ON.
just feed your husbands well and humoT
them, and make them think they are hav-
ing their own way" We pause here TO
inquire If the prescription OF food is what
has kept the amiable John Blakesley
from going out o. nights and 'carousing
around" these sixty years, or IS It the
'humoring' of John Blakesley. the jolly
ing OF John Blakesley. the cajoling Of
John, the HlusIonizing OF John? We
would sacrifice much 20 clap our eyes
upon John Blakesley, even TO the extent
Of making a trip to Chicago TO do so.
for in the bright lexicon OF ever-vigilant
and sagacious womanhood, John Blakes-
ley is a model husband. Not for sixty
meaning, Of course that he has never
gone out at night unaccompanied by the
wife of his bosom; ergo, John Blakesley
has never "caroused around"
The inference. therefore, is that the
secret Of managing a husband. and hence
the secret Of married bliss. is to keep him
home at night Also. that if a husband
is unmanageable there can be no mar
ried bliss. Feed the creature, cajole him,
hypnotic him-anything to keep him IN
nights. The night air has a deleteTious
effect upon him, and he "carouses
around" Then. too, the animal IS not
Cwl-eyed, and il almost invariably hap
pens that the poor thing, defantly ven
turing TO indulge his bent for nocturnal
peregrination. loses his bearings In the
darkness and cant find his way back
home on time. We read nearly every
day Of policemen and other guardians Of
the helpless picking men up in the streets
the night before and conducting them TO
places Of safety provided by the law.
where they are held until called for by
the proper parties.
When all married women learn how 10
apply the rule by which John Blakes-
ley has been successfully managed by his
better half for sixty years. the police will
have less TO do by night and the divorce
courts by day. Also. we deduce that
gnder this regimen wives viii be per
fecuy happy" and that they won't quar-
re-. Bat We wonder il some husbands