The La Jara chronicle., 1906-01-05
MARK TWAIN, TO-DAY.

Abroad We're first given to us. On De-
cember 9th he was the guest of honor
ut Il dinner in New York, to celebrate
his seventieth birthday. The guests
We're confi.Ied closely to writer's
of ina ginative literatu and about
40 authors We're present, nearly haIf
of them women. Every guest received
as a souvenir Il bust of Mark Twain,
half-lfe size. Naturally Mr.. Clemens
was the principal speaker: he took as
his text. How to get to be seventy
and not mind it, He said:-
"The SEVENTEEN birthday. 1t is the
time of life when you arrive at a new
and awful dignity; when you may
throw aside the decent reserves which
have oppressed you for n generation,
and stand unafraid and unabashed
upon your seven-terraced summit and
look down and teach-unrebuked. You
can tell the world how you got there.
1t is what they all do. You shall never
get tired of telling by what delicate
arts and deep moralities you climbed
up to that great place. You will eX-
plain the process and dwell on the par
ticulars with senile rapture. l nave
been anxious to explain my own sys-
TEN for long time, and now at last
l have the right.
Regularly Irregular.
"I have achieved my seventy years
in the usual way-by sticking strictly
to scheme of my life which would
kill anybody else. 1t sounds like an eX
aggeration. but that is really the com
mon rule for attaining to old age.
We have no permanent habits until
we are forty. Then they begin to har-
den, presently they petrify, then busi-
ness begins Since forty l have been
regular about going to bed and getting
up and that is one of the main things
| l have made it rule to go to bed
when there wasn't anybody left to sit
up with, and l have made it rule TO
get up when l had to. This has result
ed in an unswerving regularity of ir-
regularity.
in the matter of diet-which is
another main thing-I have been per
sistently strict in sticking to the things
which didn't agree with me until one
or the other of us got the best of it.
Until lately l got the best of 1t myself.
But last spring l stopped frolickins
with mince pie after midnight; up to
then l had always believed it WASH t
loaded. For thirty years have taken
coffee and bread at s in the morning
and no bite nor sup until $50 in the
evening.
81 have made it rule never to
| smoke more than one cigar at time.
have no other restriction as regards
smoking. l do not know just when |
began to smoke; I only know that IL
was in my fathers lifetime, and that
/ was indiscreet. He passed from TINS
life early in 1917, when l was shade
past eleven; ever since then l nave
| smoked Dublicly As an example TO
others. and not that l care for moder-
alton myself, it has always been my,
rule never to smoke when asleep, ana
never to refrain when awake.
"As for drinking, l have no rule
about that. When the others drinn
like to help; otherwise l remain Dry
by habit and preference. This dry,
ness does not hurt me, but it couid
easily hurt you, because you ar'
different. You let it alone.
First Standard Oil Trust.
"Since I was seven years old have,
seldom taken n dose of medicine ana
have still more seldom needed one
But up to seven 1 lived exclusively on
allopathic medicines. Not that need,
ed them. for l don't think did; but IL
was for economy. My father took q
, drug store for debt. and 1t made cou
liver oil cheaper than the other break,
fast foods. / was the first Standard
, Oil Trust. l had It all. BY the time
, the drug store was exhausted my
health was established, and there has
never been much the matter with mt
since.
81 have never taken any exercise, ex
cept sleeping and resting, and l nevel