The Hood River glacier. (Hood River, Or.) 1889-1933, 1906-12-27
BY The Way

IN case OF trouble between America
and Japan, Russia would like to act
as umpire.
iale's profits from football this year
will still put tue coacb's SALARY far
ahead of President Iladley's.
And now it is said that Boni is 90.
ing TO marry rich widow at a cboco-
late maker. Sweets to the sweet.
A Nevada woman claims to have Ie
ceiVed the gift Of tongues, but most
women can do well enough with one.
When the president issues an order
about simplitied sentences, he may
expect to hear from Princeton, n. j.
A noted physician says that running
promotes good health. That may ex.
plain Mr.. Bryan's Perfect physical
condition.
Secretary Roots dec aration that
Mr.. Taft is Zone OF the biggest men
in the world" will have to stand un.
challenged until some one else can get
up in a crowded street car and offer
bis seat to four ladies.
Just about the time Senator Tillman
has developed into a real senator. the
country has to begin licking jeff Da
Wis into proper shape.
Senator Tillman, however, can draw
a crowd always without any negro
press agents.
The world can forgive almost any
kind Of rascal if he did not teach in
Sunday school
Congressman elected to back up tie
president, will be defeated for re
election if they do not.
Spanish bees produce 10. 0G0 tons of
honey year. At least tn Lees in
Spain are i t;Ous
A burglar VINO toun oIly 81 % in a
Chautauqua mans mouse left note
saying "you are poorer than am. 4"
which was no joke, since he took tie
81. %.
The New York bank clerk who stole
Sl2. 98 from the institution employing
him, will no doubt be severely pun
ished. No self respecting bank cares
to be treated like department store
bargain counter.
The Missouri bandit who robbed
only the rich, will spend some time
behind the bars. The novelty of his
stunt was not to be tolerated when it
is so much easier to rob the poor.
The news of the Pullman company s
81 900, 600 surplus has moved the por-
teIs to organize preparatory to de-
manding a share of the swag. In the
meantime the travelling public will
try to be happy over an OCCASIONAL low
er berth.
1t is always easier to do your
Christmas shopping on Christmas
eve, because there are SO few things
left in stock to choose from.
A Lancaster, Pa, hotel keeper is
troubled " th a strange attiiction,
that deprives him of the power OF
spe och for months at time. AS it is
not contagious, the women in the
neighborhood are not unduly excited
over it
A woman's magazine asks "N hat
implement can equal hairpin in the
dett hands of a woman" We'll, some
times, hatpin in the deft hands Of
another woman.
Since MISS Ida Tarbell has an.
nounced that her next work will be
on the tariff, the standpattters have
another excuse for putting off revis
icn until her views are known,
1t is extremely doubtful il Coun
Boni would prove success as heao
waiter, if the job calls for any heac
work.
Having eloped with a society girl
and married her on Sl4 a week, a Chi
cago gIocer's clerk finds himself
handling lemons exclusively.
Missouri game wardens ale arrest
ing milliners Of that state who impol
the plumage of birds. AS yet, how
ever, no feather beds have been sen
to Jail.
Roger Sullivan has cast aside th
democratic nor inaton for United
States senator Rogers never woul'
lump over a fence over ten feet higl
to secure empty honoIs with no sala
ry or other emoluments attached t.
thsm.
Doubtless, the New York restanran
keeper il he receives Boni's hot chal
lcnge, will refer the fighting French
man to the establishments otf1cla
bounceT.
Possibly the woman who wrote th
book thought that marriage on proba
tion would be AL improvement owe
the present plan of marriage on 'us
picion.
When Tillman got through wit
rather raw.
The killing of the last chicke
seems to have marked the end of th
Cuban insurrection.
Still, the statistics show that III
Chicago trolley cars are more danger
ous than football.
John D. Rockefeller, jr,, says tha
wealth leads to idleness and sin
Hard on the old man, john d., ST
Mayor Dunno says there is no Cal
nivai of crime in Chicago we ma
hoped that the present outbreak wa
not the regular thing
They have established public batf
ing house for dogs in German city
Hei eater we may know that tn
frankfurter's meat is as clean as the
can make it.
Cortelyou has practically announce
his candidacy for the presidency. ID
is in favor of increasing the wages
all the post office employees.
State Printers Disagree.
Dissensons is said to have arise
among the members of Capitol Type
graphical Union, No. 2lO, at Salen