The Brandon news. (Brandon, Miss.) 1892-1961, 1906-04-26

In 1T were gophers two.
II you were to go for gopher, would
"A gopher 60 for you?
Clara Broadway Creveling, in st. Mich.
Obj lection.
Weary Willie-"Can yer swipe a ride
under an auto?"
Dusty Rhodes-"Naw, that's where
the owner stays."-New York Sun.
More of Our Language,
Green-T never saw such cold
weather as we are having now. Did
you"
Brown-"No, Of course not; but I'VE
felt it colder"
Not the Main Attraction.
II hear they. are to be married"
Yes, he will soon be paying her
bills"
Don't wake him up by calling his
attention to it."
As She Understood 1t.
one Is literally starving.
"Well, I can get her into an elderly
ladies' home.'
But. my friend, she would much
rather starve than admit that she's
an elderly lady,
Couldn't Admit 1t.
According to the old proverb," re-
marked the bachelor. 1--WE should pre-
pare for war in times of peace"
swell, I'm willing" replied the
young widow. "But as poor, dear
George has only been dead six weeks
I think we ought to wait a little
longer"
Frozen Weapon.
"Officer, what is this man charged
with?'
"Carryin' CONCEALED weapons, yer
Amer"
"Carryin' what?'
"Congealed weapons. He soaked
Murphy in the eye wild chunk av
e."-Cleveland Leader.
Worthless Fellow,
II don't know any one SO slipshod AS
my husbands; his buttons are forever
coming off," complained Mrs. Gaddie.
But" suggested Mrs. Goode, "per-
maps they are not sewed on properly"
That's just it. He's awfully care
less about his sewing. "-CathOlic
Standard and Times.
She Thought Not.
Fred latter six months absence)-
Are you married yet, old man?"
Joe-"Not me-"
Fred-"But thought you were go
fng to marry that wealthy young
widow?"
Joe-'I thought so, too, but discov.
cred that she was also thinker"
One Thing Needful.
81 understand your son has gone in
for literature since he went to the
city," said the village editor.
That's right" rejoined the hardware
merchant.
"And does he write for money -
asked the local scissors wielder.
Eyes, once or twice week." an
swered the hardware merchant.
Simple Arithmetic.
"How many commandments are
there?" asked the presiding genius Of
the infant school.
"Ten." replied the champion scholar.
"And what would happen, Sammy,
( you broke one of them?"
"Then there'd be nine," replied the
Arodigy.-London Globe.
Golf and Gastronomy.
French Golf Enthusiast-'Indeed.
my dear friend, you must join our
club"
English Golf Observation-Disclosures.
lwfully, old chap; but the links seem
too small To-
F. G. E.-"That is true; but the cut
sine is unequaled in France. Figaro
(Paris).
Not the Real Word.
Good morning, Mr.. Austinburne, :
said the editor as the poet entered the
sanctum. 4tSome more Of your blank
verse, suppose?"
eve use the word "blank" that we
nay not shock readers by repeating
The real expression made use of by the
lnfeeling editor kansas City indie.
pendent.
The Modest Girl.
"Ah! my love- sighed the ardent
lover, IF you only knew how beautiful
Vou arew
You mustn't speak Of it." protested
che modest girl. Il don't want to
Know
why not?"
Because she said, 'sit would make
me too conceited. Philadelphia Press
Had Heard 1t Before.
mo, Mr.. Penwiggle," said the fail
girl to the literary youth who had pro
posed, II cannot accept you, but that
Toes not imply
81 know what you would say" he in