The Globe-republican. [volume] (Dodge City, Kan.) 1889-1910, 1906-08-30

mosquito netting over the vocabulary;
becauCe II you only say to him: 'How'a
the healthg you will find In the morn
ing paper column interview, in which
you have decided to run for mikado
on the Democratic ticket.
Good Togie:-When you arrive at
the depot In your home town you will
find lined UP in front Of the baggage
room about 81 young ladies, all with
thei.' lips puckered up in the most
kissifactory manner-but don't do It,
Togie.
Friend Togie: Resist the awful
temptation to 60 down the line and
plant burning kisses on the front teeth
Of these beautiful maidens, because
after planting these kisses the harvest
will be the long grass Of oblivion, and
you will find yourself rushing madly
through the comic papers trying to
bite all the fair ladies therein.
Fine Togie:-When you meet this
awful situation, as meet 1t you will,
sheer gently at the puckered lips and
repeat over and over the old proverb:
Oscillation is the thief Of reputation.
"Then with a naughty glance at the
lady kissing bugs Jump quickly into
your ginrickeyshaw and gallop swiftly
home to the loving arms Of your wife.
IF the kissing buggettas should fol-
low you to the sacred precincts of the
home circle send your mother-in-law
out with the broomstick, and may a
kind heaven help those who cannot
run fast enough.
Beloved Togie:-Now listen with
all your ears. This advise / give you
from the heart. Don't let any COM
mittee present you with house.
Handsome Togie: Avoid this house
proposition as you would a creditor.
Remember, Togie, that the public
likes to honor hero by giving him
something expensive, and then dis
honor him afterwards by watching
what he does with 1t.
Noble Togie:-There are only two
ways a hero can remain hero In this
strange world of ours. One way is to
die just after he has heroed, and the
other way is to get in glass case and
stay there-but he must buy the glass
case himself.
Unbeatable Togie: when the pub
lie gets jag Of joy from the intoxica-
ton of your success they will surely
rush up to you with the plans and
specifications Of fine bungalow with
hot and cold gas and running servants,
but when they do so just place the
left hand in the apex of the waistcoat
and say to them with a cold glitter In
the lamps: I thank you, public, for
this display Of generosity, but l
would prefer that you keep the bun
galow and I will keep my own little
fiat on One Hundred and Ninth street,
because l know the janitor there and
he never steals the milk"
Mice Togie:-Republics and any old
kind of publics are always grateful
while the jag of Joy lasts. They are
dead anxious to give hero more than
Is coming to him, but after the jag Of
Joy wears off then comes the bitter
morning after. when they wake up
with the head full of third-rail mi
crobes and the tongue like bridge
with the draw open, and they keep
saying to themselves: why did I
give that hero such a nice house, be-
cause, to save my soul, can't remem-
Der just what kind of heroing he did
to deserve It,
my dear Togie:-Avoid the kissing
buggettas and don't pay any attention
to the house committee and possibly
YOU will be able to keep on your
heroesque way to the bitter end
81 have never been hero myself,
Togie, with the exception Of one after
noon when l sunk an armored cruiser
cook in our kitchen after she had
swallowed bottle of vodka and was
bombarding the gas stove with our best
set of china dishes, but love all the
heroes, and II any little advise of mine
could help a hero to keep busy at the
job of heroing would be pleased and
tickled internally. Yours with love,
JUNGLE PETER"
Togo hasn't replied as yet, but
Uncle Peter expects a postal card or
a hand-paintea fan in every mail.