Sequachee Valley news. (Sequachee [Sequatchie], Tenn.) 1896-1952, 1906-02-01
BILL DO0LEY'S EPISTOLARY
COMMUNICATION.

weeks ago l saw in the News that you,
from not having seen or heard any
thing from your old uncle William in
so long, had become uneasy for fear
had made too free use of the liniment
and went off in twist This will in
form you that am all right but have
had some troubles with the old SOW.
She turned up some time ago, not
very fat but in good working order and
she began to play some of her pranks
as soon as she arrived. Every morning
she would be in the lot and no one
could tell how she got there, so l sat up
and watched her one night and caught
the trick it was done with. The lot
fence is at the foot of hill and there
was a swing on the hill and she would
get hold of it and pull it back up the
hill and take a start and swing over
the fence and let loose and drop inside
the lot So next night we set up
broad ak so she would drop on the ak,
thinking this would give her hint to
stay out, not intending to do her any
great harm, but all the same when
she made the drop she struck the ak
just right to split her Just half and
half We stuck her back and applied
the liniment and after we had cement
ed her together we had made won
derful mistake and the old sister had
two legs up and two legs down. Some
say this will help her about travelling.
She can travel on two legs until they
get tired and then flop over and trav-
ell on the others.
| / was down to see the News editors
few days ago, and while there l
| found out how all editors get rich so
quick, and now am going to give
you the plan and if any one feels like
he wants to better his financial condi-
tion he can get up cheap printing
outfit and go into a paying business
from the first start To give you some
idea of the work I will show you some
of the editors profits ON things and
you think about the matter and if you
are interested, you can correspond with
me at Dooley's Roost or. the Editor of
the News and either of us will give
you all the information we can in the
matter as we are always willing to help
those who are willing to help them
selves Here is the secret of success: I:
A child is born in the neighborhood.
The attending physician gets $40; the
editor gives the loud-lunged youngster
and happy parents send off and gets
$0 1t is christened and the minister
gets $40 and the editor gets 800. 1t
grows up and marries and the editor
publishes another long -winded, fowery
article and tells dozen lies about the
beautiful and accomplished bride.
The minister gets go and piece of
cake and the editor gets 5000 and no
cake. In the course of time it dies
and the doctor gets from $50 to $1O0,
the minister gets $15, the undertaken
gets from $50 to 800. The editor pub
fishes notice on the death and an
obituary two columns of ledge and So
ciety resolution and card of thanks and
lot of poetry and gets 10000. Now,
when you look at these things you will
see where the editor gets his profit and
probably want to engage in the bust
ness, and, if so, l will tell you all it
takes to qualify man for the printing
business
To run news paper all a fellow
has to do is to be able to write poems,
discuss the tariff and money questions,
umpire baseball game, report we'd
ding, saw wood, describe fire so that
the readers will shed their wraps,
make one dollar do the work of ten,
shine at dance, measure calico, abuse
the liquor habit, test whiskey, &C
without meals, attack free silver, de-
fend bimetalim, sneer at snobbery,
wear diamonds, invent advertisements,
over look scandal, appraise babies,
! delight pumpkin raisers, minister to
the afflicted, heal the disgruntled,
! fight to finish, set type. mould opin'
ions, sweep the Office, speak at prayer
meeting, stand in with everybody and
, everything and make two blades grow
where ons formerly grew, and moi
, grumbie to cut stowe weod IN August
at so cents per cord TO pay twenty
dollar doctor bill for doctoring youl
motherinlaw and she didn't die either
A great many think when l said
, would tell them how to get rich Il
/ meant all but it only meant those tina
, would become editors.
, If you want any more information
call on,
Yours truly,