davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Mitchell capital. (Mitchell, Dakota [S.D.]) 1879-1918, 1906-09-28
He Round a Better Place.

Mark Twain While at his summer
residence prepared one evening to take
a drive and. expecting to remain out
until late, told the stable boy that he
need not wait for him. He directed
the fellow, however, when he had fin
ished his work to lock the stable and
place the key under a stone the loca-
ton Of which Mr.. Clemens described
with much e%xactness. When the hui
morist reached home after his drive
he was surprised to find that the key
was not in the place selected. When
his patience had been exhausted he
awoke the boy, who explained as he
started out to find the missing key:
"Mr. Clemens. / found a better place
to hide it." Philadelphia Public
Ledger.
The Mitchell capital. (Mitchell, Dakota [S.D.]) 1879-1918, 1906-09-28

..".. =, 90 ,,rt.rr .ttr,ty ::..:: @njiii
l have interviewed during n Journal
istlc career ot Two decades have re
lated to me All ecdotes and jokes galore
to acccntpate and make clear their
views and opialons. says a writer III
Las1iewtWaMly. aAot.I esq Il Il .a:;ess.
statesmeanh ard politicians lave joined
the great majority, but the jokes they
told Will be handed down to other.gen-
erations 10 Illustrate Il point or clinch
an argument. Nearly all OF. the Jokes
are new or at least have not been pub
llshed. They are as follows:
When the late Mark Hanna wasYrun-
ming the Republican national campaign
in 1886 in New York, he was bored7bY
a politician who e%ndeavored to make
the chairman from Ohio see everything
in a rosy way by relating anecdotes
without much point.
you remind me OF the Englishman,"
said the senator, who was walking up
Fifth avenue with an American gifted
With a vocabulary of slang. A hand
somely dressed young woman passed
and the American exclaimed, She is
out of sight The Englishman was
The Mitchell capital. (Mitchell, Dakota [S.D.]) 1879-1918, 1906-09-28

age" said The attendant al the great
public museum.
"~Hananas.' answered tue boy. "Doz-
els Of EN-. Want one2'
-.iSe. and you-eas,it bring -tir1n-in
!; nusI,ys lisiYa 1 n
ITS against the rules. But you can
check the package at that window and
get IT when you como out"
Cost anything to check it?"
Five cents"
The boy said he wouldn't pay it and
went away.
Ten minutes later he reappeared
without the package.
81 guess | can go in now. all right"
he said.
"Hold on. Have you got those
bananas concealed about you?"
YES, sir; all but the skins. I throw.
ed them away"
And there was a grin of triumph on
his face as he went through the turn
stile.-Judge's Magazine of Fun.
The Mitchell capital. (Mitchell, Dakota [S.D.]) 1879-1918, 1906-09-28
you REMIND ME OF THE F~NGL1sHMAN,"
SAID TIE

nonplused, but when it was explained
that out of sight meant st%unningly or
beautifully dressed he declared it was
deuced clever, don't you know. Soon
afterward the Englishman met a fell
low c%ountryman and they went up
Broadway together. An elegantly at
tired woman passed them.
"'By ,Iove, she is not there!.' ex-
claimed the Englishman who had. been
taught Slang.
"'But she is there. old boy. Where
are YOUR eves| asked the other.
"'Oh. ilean she cannot be seen.
81 see Ler all right. Are you blind"
"'Strange.' said the SLANG taught
Englisllmau: when that Aincricsii
used IA clever phrase it was funny and
apropos, hut when \ use it LAM
thought stupid and blind.'"2
The Mitchell capital. (Mitchell, Dakota [S.D.]) 1879-1918, 1906-09-28
Fall Waist Modes.

Plenty Of lightweight wooden waists
are being worn this fall, the prettiest
Of them made Of white albatross, tuck
ed and perhaps embroidered a little.
though only a little, by hand or inset
with motifs Of cluny lace. But the
plaid effects, especially the tartans,
will be worn for morning waists, liven-
ed with a bit Of braid and a few but
tons, for neither braid o buttons
show any sign of a decrease in popu-
larity.
The Mitchell capital. (Mitchell, Dakota [S.D.]) 1879-1918, 1906-09-28
Father Vaughan and Henry VII.

Father Bernard Vaughan, whose on
slaught on the smart set is attract
ing so much attention, has plenty of
humor. Once at Trinity college, Cam
bridge, says Onlooker, he was study
ing Holbein's picture of Henry VIII.
"What would you do, as a Jesuit, if
his majesty stepped out Of the can
wasp asked a friend. Promptly came
the reply, 81 should request the ladies
to leave the room."-St. James Ga
Zette.
The Mitchell capital. (Mitchell, Dakota [S.D.]) 1879-1918, 1906-09-28
A Good Fellow.

"NYhat kind of a man is Bliggins"
"He's a good fellow. He'd borrow
your Jast dollar in order to lend it to
somebody that he thought needed it
more than you do.'-Washington Star.
The Mitchell capital. (Mitchell, Dakota [S.D.]) 1879-1918, 1906-09-28
rho Man For Her.

'SThe man l marry she said, "must
have a family back of him"
"All right replied the widower. "I
have three boys and a little girl that
are fairly aching to have you be a
mother to them" = Chicago Record
Herald.
The Mitchell capital. (Mitchell, Dakota [S.D.]) 1879-1918, 1906-09-28
Consideration,

"Why does a woman always skip to
the last chapter of a book?'
"Out of po%liteness," said Miss Cay
enne. "She wants to be able to talk
to the person who insisted on lending
it as if she had read it."-Washington
Star.
The Mitchell capital. (Mitchell, Dakota [S.D.]) 1879-1918, 1906-09-28
Unexpected.

The Physician-Your wife seems to
have experienced a sudden shock of
some kind, as nea as l can make out.
The Uusband-I guess that's right.
I got home before 10 o'clock last night.
New York Life.
The Mitchell capital. (Mitchell, Dakota [S.D.]) 1879-1918, 1906-09-28
Usual Thing.

Young Wife during first spat-Boo-
oo-hoo! I'm g-going home to m-mother!
Young Husband-Wbat will she say?
Young Wife-S-she'll say, 81 t-told
you so-so.'-Detroit Tribune.
The Mitchell capital. (Mitchell, Dakota [S.D.]) 1879-1918, 1906-09-28
Pnpn,s Yiews.

Pretty Daughter-But what objec-
ton have You to George, papa? He's
as honest as the day is long.
Papa-That's just it. He will have
to hustle at night in order to support
you.-Boston Transcript.
The Mitchell capital. (Mitchell, Dakota [S.D.]) 1879-1918, 1906-09-28

Materials Tor autumn are being
shown, and 1T Is noticeable that a great
many plaids amd checks are included
in the number. Here is an attractive
yet simple little suit that is made of
novelty Sitting In sKades Of tan and
brown. wtthscssllar, cuffs and vest Of
brown v~eltet.edged with a banding Of
palest tan colored broadcloth, this
same broad1soth being used az strap
The Mitchell capital. (Mitchell, Dakota [S.D.]) 1879-1918, 1906-09-28
Stripes In STYLE.

Every sort of costume and every sort
Of material for fall wear shows stripes.
Whole suits and gowns are made of
striped stuffs, the stripes emphasized
Or modified, depending upon which
they need-by the plain material com
bined with them. s'
The Mitchell capital. (Mitchell, Dakota [S.D.]) 1879-1918, 1906-09-28
Pertinent e

Green (quoting)-A fool and his mon-
ey are Don parted.
Brown-How much mining stock did
you buy ?-Chicago News.
The Mitchell capital. (Mitchell, Dakota [S.D.]) 1879-1918, 1906-09-28
Poker Shnrkn.

First shark-lt was a great poker
game. We cleaned out three Holsters
and 4 crab.
Second Shark-Lobsters are always
easy, but how did you ever get the
crab?
First Shark-Why. you see, he was
a soft crab.-Chicago News.
The Mitchell capital. (Mitchell, Dakota [S.D.]) 1879-1918, 1906-09-28
N E APRON.

ders in a stylish way and has the full
fare at the lower edge that allows it
to fit nicely over the full dress be-
meath. For making use crossbarred
muslin, linen or dimity.
The Mitchell capital. (Mitchell, Dakota [S.D.]) 1879-1918, 1906-09-28
You Know the Breed.

HE always tells such pointless
Jokes. I should think it would be hard
to tell just when to laugh"
Not at all. You merely have to
laugh when he Observation-Disclosures
Press.
The Mitchell capital. (Mitchell, Dakota [S.D.]) 1879-1918, 1906-09-28
EEging Him On.

Jack-Some of the greatest bachelors
Of the age tell us that marriage is a
dat failure.
Eva (evasivelD Well-er-all mar
ried couples don't have to live in flats.
Some can live in cottages.-Houston
Post.
The Mitchell capital. (Mitchell, Dakota [S.D.]) 1879-1918, 1906-09-28
schoolgfrl,s Apron.

Here we have a very pretty apron
for the little schoolgirl that not only
protects the dress, but at the same
time adds to the appearance Of the
child. 1t extends out over the shoul-
The Mitchell capital. (Mitchell, Dakota [S.D.]) 1879-1918, 1906-09-28
His Color Changed.

Miss .Ascum-But when it comes to
lovemaking Mr.. Kallow is rather green,
isn't he?
Miss Crule-Not now.
Miss Accumulated?
Miss Crule-No. he's blue; 1 rejected
him last evening.-Philadelphia Press.
The Mitchell capital. (Mitchell, Dakota [S.D.]) 1879-1918, 1906-09-28
Miss Crule-Not now.
just After the eyes.

she-Harry, l am %agreeably disap-
pointed in you. l am the only girl you
ova,. lnyo1
The Mitchell capital. (Mitchell, Dakota [S.D.]) 1879-1918, 1906-09-28
"Guzzler has an idea he isn't being
fairly treated

ooh, Guzzler always has that idea If
he isn't being treated about every ten
Observation-Disclosures Press.
The Mitchell capital. (Mitchell, Dakota [S.D.]) 1879-1918, 1906-09-28

He-It's true, darling, but how do
you know 1T?
She-You kissed me SO awkwardly.-
Chicago Tribune.
Troy weekly news. (Troy, Idaho) 1897-1933, 1906-12-07
THE CALL OF THE CHURCH.
BY Rev. Jenkin Llovd


The call Of the church l would speak
Of Is that which comes to the respect
able men and women who begrudge
time and money given to the church
who are prudential here while they
are lavish elsewhere; who subordinate
the claim of the church to the claims
Of the clubs, the school, the golf links,
the theater, opera and that intangible
something called society,"" with its So
called social duties, its social demands,
its social expenditures, ambitions and
qualifications.
What Is this church whose claims
disturb our quiet and interfere with
our accumulations and our pleasures
zSVe need not go far for an answer. Elk
perience, philosophy and history unite
In saying that the church is now and
always has been a school Of ethics. an
academy of morals, the training ground
Of character. The church is a human
compact in the interest of religion and
one Of the fundamental quests Of re-
ligion everywhere and always is right
eousness.
Troy weekly news. (Troy, Idaho) 1897-1933, 1906-12-07
The Original Porous Plaster.

It's Allcock's, first introduced to the
people sixty years ago, and today un.
doubtedly has the largest sale of any
external remedy-millions being sold
annually throughout the whole civil.
lied world. There have been imita-
tons, to be sure. but never has there
been one to even compare with All.
cock's-the worlds standard external
remedy.
For a weak back, cold on the chest
or any local pain, the result of taking
cold or overstrain. there's nothing we
know of to compare with this famous
plaster.
Troy weekly news. (Troy, Idaho) 1897-1933, 1906-12-07

Although the population of the Uni
ted Kingdom increased by 100000
during the last six years, there has
been a decline of nearly 100000 bar
rels in the consumption of beer. There
is also a steady decline in the use Of
spirits. On the other hand, the 1885,
757, 40 pounds of tea imported for
home consumption during the first
seven months of IyJ6 mark an in
crease of 100000 over the same per-
iod in 1905.
Troy weekly news. (Troy, Idaho) 1897-1933, 1906-12-07

habitants and make slaves of
them to till the soil. 1t is said that
war Is necessary, that without it there
is nothing to stir the mind Of the ma
lions to higher things than trade, lux
ury and the Ideals of the attainment
Of comfort.
This Is not true. Modern life is a
great school. Its complex scheme gives
as rigid, as perfect discipline as does
the camp. The inventions which are
brought out from year to year teach
that the plan of cooperation, Of CO.
ordination, is the plan to follow. 1t
is not necessary to have the scourge
Of war, to bring forth moral power. 1t
is shown in every day life. The affairs
Of peace develop it. The things that
men must do, the difficulties which men
must face produce the same endurance
as does the battle field
Troy weekly news. (Troy, Idaho) 1897-1933, 1906-12-07
Attractions at the Spokane.

The attractions booked at the Spo-
kane theater for the rest of the month
also for the month of December, are
as follows:
December 3-4-5, Florence Roberts in
"The Strength of the Weak"
December 7-S, isis Hopkins"
December 13-14-1o, Max Figman in
THE Man on the Box"
December 16-17-18, Peggy From
Paris
December 20, The Juvenile Boston
iaEs.
December 21-22, Kerry Cow.
December %, week, Stewart Opera
company.
December 80, THE Yankee Consul"
Troy weekly news. (Troy, Idaho) 1897-1933, 1906-12-07
|L7IiiIs{ 4 POPULAR
Yk@H\ ZPIyy1LPllT

labor. But the devil of unholy greed
entered in and happiness fed, honor
was forgotten, the dear home circle
broken up, and from that moment A..
Adams was lost in the whirlpool OF
sin, which swept him with cruelty in
creasing force to It's Inevitable wages
death.
THE meanest criminal In New York
was the character given him by the
district attorney in the trial which
sent the notorious gambler to the
felons cell, and we have no doubt the
characterization was true to fact. But
no man can be so depraved that he
does not have some good qualities.
Love for his family was AL Adams
one redeeming trait. Vainly he poured
out his ill-gotten gain In the effort to
secure for his loved ones recognition
by and entrance to the charmed circle
Of respectability.
Vainly he eXi.ed himself from their
association That they might not bear
the curse of ostracism because of hi.
presence. Could the recording anger
have left for human perusal the
thoughts that came to the wretched
victim of his own. folly as he sat with
poised pistol contemplating the end Of
1t all 1t would have been record
which for bitterness and disappoint-
ment would have stated with glee the
lowest devils in hell and moved to pity
the worst wronged of the thousands @;
his pitiful victims.
Al Adams has passed on and into
the mystery Of the unseen. To the
Justice and mercy of the final Arbiter
we must leave his fate. The ends
sought In life were not SO bad as
means he adopted to secure those ends.
Let his life and death teach us the wis
dom Of seeking first the kingdom
God and its Righteousness" to the end
that we may find that peace and hap
piness which such seeking can alone
discover for us.
Troy weekly news. (Troy, Idaho) 1897-1933, 1906-12-07
How's This7

We offer One Hundred Dollsrs.Rewsrd for
Halls Catarrh Cure.
F. J. CHENEY g. CO., Props, Toledo, o.
We, the undersigned. have known F: j.
Cheney for the last 10 years, and believe him
perfectly honorable in all business transac-
lions and financially able to carry out any OBJ
legations m ade by their firm.
WEST q TRUAx, Wholesale Druggists, Toledo, o.
WALDINe, KINNAN IL MARVIN, Wholesale Drug
gists, Toledo, o.
Halls Catarrh Cure is taken internally, act
ing directly upon the blood and mucous sur
faces of the system. Price 75c. per bottle.
Sold by all Druggists. Testimonials free.
Halls Family Pills are the best
Troy weekly news. (Troy, Idaho) 1897-1933, 1906-12-07
AL ADAMS AS AN EXAMPLE.

by heV. A ArnoId Ross.
After a lifetime devoted to money
making AL Adams ended his earthly
existence by the mad act of suicide.
Mammon was his master and hard
master he proved in the long run. The
road he traversed was a thorny one,
shutting him out from all that renders
life worthy. Truly is the way of the
transgressor hard.
There was a time, we may believe,
when as an honest toiler he found that
happiness and peace which centers
shout the family circle gathered around
the fireside after a day of honorable
Troy weekly news. (Troy, Idaho) 1897-1933, 1906-12-07

During the demolition of some old
premises at Backing (Essex), Eng
land, glass bottle, curiously shaped,
was taken from the chimney stack,
where it had been carefully bricked in,
and wnen opened was found to contain
a copy of the lease o. the property,
dated 1895.
Troy weekly news. (Troy, Idaho) 1897-1933, 1906-12-07
Columbia, 1.-THE Bell of Japan"

Columbia, 1.-THE Bell of Japan"
A comedy drama, THE Belle of
JAPAN" with the scenes laid in sunny
Japan, is the offering at the Columbia
theater for the week beginning Sun
day afternoon. The title role is in the
hands of Miss Bessie Clifton, a young
coincidence who is quite we'll known
here by her work in the Missouri
Girl
Troy weekly news. (Troy, Idaho) 1897-1933, 1906-12-07

Tommy Brokeleigh-Let's get mar
ried at once. darling. 1 positively
can't live another day without you.
Sadie Gotrox-Indeedl why, l had
no idea you were so hard up as that
Chicago Daily News.
Troy weekly news. (Troy, Idaho) 1897-1933, 1906-12-07
You Can Oct Aliens Foot-Ease rRER.

Write Allen 8. Olmsted, lie Roy, N. Y, for q
free sam pie of Allen 8 Foot Ease. 1t cures
sweating. hot swollen, aching feet. 1t makes
new or tight shoes easy. certain cure for
corns. ingrowing nails and bunions. All drug
zists sell 1t. 25c. Don't accept any substitute.
Troy weekly news. (Troy, Idaho) 1897-1933, 1906-12-07

not 0O nousework, and Tor two Years
did not get out of the house. The kid
ney secretions were irregular, and
doctors were not helping me. Doan's
Kidney Pills brought me quick relic,
and finally cured me. They saved my
life"
Sold by all dealers. so cents box.
Foster-Milburn Co., Buffalo, N. Y.
Troy weekly news. (Troy, Idaho) 1897-1933, 1906-12-07
Short Meter Sermons.
Only the hopeful can help.

Only the hopeful can help.
All Joy were but discord without sor-
row.
The only way to lift life is to lay life
down.
It's a wise old world that waits for
the Endorsement Of every day honesty
on the checks Of extraordinary holiness.
Troy weekly news. (Troy, Idaho) 1897-1933, 1906-12-07

ney troubles. My
back panied me ter
ribly. Every turn or
move caused sharp
shooting pains. My
yesight was poor,
lark spots appeared
before me, and l had
dizzy spells. Fol-
ten years l could
Troy weekly news. (Troy, Idaho) 1897-1933, 1906-12-07

In the museum of the Louvre, Paris,
is a pearl necklace belonging to the
Theirs family. ne necklace was once
worth S1,250,0OJ, but the pearls are
dying, and in few years they will be
worthless.
Troy weekly news. (Troy, Idaho) 1897-1933, 1906-12-07

n o t revenue,H
when all the na4
lions Of the earth
shall co-operate
Is a good theme
OF an autumn fes-
tival sermon.
War Is the out
come of land hun
ger. Having de-
spoiled the soil in
one locality men
seek other places,
take their in
Troy weekly news. (Troy, Idaho) 1897-1933, 1906-12-07
Chief Oman Arrested.

San Francisco, Dec. 3.-On the
charge of perjury found against him
by the grad jury, Chief of Police Din
an was placed under arrest. He was
Immediately released en- $25O0 bail fur
nished BY an indemnify companK.
Troy weekly news. (Troy, Idaho) 1897-1933, 1906-12-07

If you talk poverty, think poverty
and act poverty long enough, you will
be convinced that there is nothing but
poverty for you.
Troy weekly news. (Troy, Idaho) 1897-1933, 1906-12-07

Tito st. Vitus Dance and all Nervous Diseases
Pin permanently cured bv DR.. Kline's Great
'''~ Nerve Restorer Send for FREE SO trial
bottle and treatise. DR.. r. II. Kline Id, 981
Arch St, Pllila.. Pa.
Troy weekly news. (Troy, Idaho) 1897-1933, 1906-12-07

Mothers will find Mrs. Winslow's
Soothing Syrup the best remedy to use
for their children during teething period.
Troy weekly news. (Troy, Idaho) 1897-1933, 1906-12-07
TEN YEARS OF PAIN.

Unable To Do Even Housework Be-
cause of Kidney Troubles.
Mrs. Margaret Emmerich, of Clinton
St., Napoleon, o., says: For fifteen
years l was a great sufferer from kid
Troy weekly news. (Troy, Idaho) 1897-1933, 1906-12-07
RIGHTEOUSNESS NOT REVENUE.
By Rabbi Hirsch

The time when every man shall sit
under his own vine and fig tree, when
all shall realize that righteousness Ia
Troy weekly news. (Troy, Idaho) 1897-1933, 1906-12-07

w Oa 0S,e sna than package cor sill
for pos,
The Marietta journal. [volume] (Marietta, Ga.) 1866-1909, 1906-04-19

r
This goes to bnld Tia
Mortua1y fund which kept protect
as well as the company interests
Is the only Live Stock insurance
America that
BILE of No
CURED from becoming member of this company -
Where member has 20 head insure they will be placed in
divisions buildings are formed b the
tive Board at the home Office constituting Division and
known by their number of the policy. A' 90"
No animal will be insured for full have good ou1o
or horse value at $780, $780,
value O $780, value $780, 1907 insure
IS; value Is, $780, ~ U0
Your bank will advance face yau If onr
polcy You them Recanso
you have loss the face value of policy guaranteed
Avail yourself OF this opportunity and make which the
best asset you have when living
mai dies and claim just This made anv
contract w.
their check for face value the policy Immediately upon proof Of
the death NFN F00A Va
Under charter claim guaranteed same revoked b
Comptroller General Of the AN ~
the bom n oc information apply to our agent city
The Marietta journal. [volume] (Marietta, Ga.) 1866-1909, 1906-04-19

II beg yb tpph re
II Stock
Il Ia bee ~ m bMy
II hHpmy
4 ~ or dngy hlycphn ma
II m n h accompany hp long d pnq
II h dm
II ayl long m Atanm enknw maunaw ywnwnmd
II fh he
Il Apntr te rndng I.nnom tgswAr
II hy h nn@gg corporation
II nt ~ T d ne Co. n nughm Garga
H yn hn dnndHm ahet0mr
II shr int ne utmn
Il G on upon he~ npmyHb med
The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1906-12-17
The Tlmes-D Dispatch.

Department Of Schoolroom Decoration.
Dear Puplls.-sistlng IN Room 3, Times
building, which commands such fine
View OF Capitol Square, Ia not the best
place perhaps In which 20 fix my atten-
ton upon tho weekly letter. fer those
squirrels down in the square are GER
talnly very distracung. They are such
happy, merry, frisky little fellows that
iney Just make me look at them.
asked them this question: What shall
write 10 the children about this week.
One said. "Peanuts"; so II Is easy enough
70 see that he was thinking OF eating.
and nothing else. ] shook my head and
said, why. The Children can tell me
more about peanuts than can tell
them" Just then a tiny feiiow-squrrel
spoke up and said, IN funny little
voice, Gardens" and gave as his rea-
SON that he enjoyed gardens, liked 10
see the flowers grow, and 10 watch the
sun smile upon them.
For "a few minutes was puzzled 10
know what kind Of garden / would write
about a. this time % year. when the
loaves and flowers are mostly gone 10
siccp-tO rest until the birds cali them
in the spring. But all OF a sudden IN
SEPARATION whispered in my ear, why
that wise little squirrel means thai tho
gardens shall be the children's hearts
and You and the children must plant
seeds ana care for tho flowers that grow
10 got our gardens under way?" I am
Let's begin now. can't wait. The first
step Is 70 choose the plots, and Inapira-
ton said that our hearts shall be our
garden plots. Ia order 20 keep out any
stray wanderers IN tho shape % sprites
NJ Forgetfulness. Selhshness. Impotence
and Lack or Faith. who might trample
upon our delicate flowers when they lift
their heads. We must have fences around
our gardens These fences shan be Love
and Trust.
Taking some seeds GA our hands, let's
plant FIRST those OF Remembrance. When
tho blossoms come, they viii help Us
a ways - remember 70 do the night thing
at the right time. chee rfully. They viii
help us always 10 be thoughtful %
others-our parents, teachers. classmates.
friends.
Here rs another package Of seeds for
our planting. The picture on the on
vclopo is mat Of "A red. blushing rose. and
underneath II ia printed Flowers OF
Generosity An. ~ We plant seeds Of
Generosity. ] know what the results will
he. don YOU. The roses will come, blush
ing because Generosity is modest about
hevalding its deeds. and after the roses
have Fulfilled their mission Ia life. just