davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1906-07-19

Wherv, sal sat dismaly = ny own rooms,
looking at my portmanteau. and wonder
ing how soon must pack and fly, if not
Tor life. at least for liberty.
At last the crash came. | was sitting
IN my office one morning, engaged in the
difficult task of trying TO make ten into
hfteen, when l hear dthe clatter of hoofs.
A moment later the door was opened,
and Jones ushered in Colonel McGregor.
| nodded to the Colonel, who came in with
his usual leisurely step, sat himself down,
and took off his gloves. / reused myself
TO say:
What can l do for you, Colonelf"
He waited till the door closed behind
Jones, and then said:
I've got TO the bottom of it at last,
Martin. That old scamp's villainy," said
he, jerking his thumb toward the Piazza
and the statue of the LiberatoT. He's
very cute, but he's made mistake at
last
DO come TO the point, Colonel. What's
it all about?"
Would you be surprised to hear" said
speech, that the interest on the debt
would not be paid on the 31st:"
No, l shouldn't" said l, resignedly.
Would you be surprised to hear that
no more interest would ever be paid?"
What do you mean, man?" l cried,
leaping up.
The President" said he, calmly will,
on the 31st instant, repudiate the national
debt ~
Ito be continued.)
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1906-07-19
Dealing with Deadheads.

Willie Collier, the actor, was asked
if he was much annoyed by requests
from deadheads.
Il receive them in shoals he re-
piled; but generally manage to put
them off politely, but firmly. The 9th
er day, for instance, l received Il letter
from a man, who wrote that he had
had the pleasure of meeting me in Cal
ifornia sometime ago. / had never even
heard the mans name before. How
ever, he added kindly that he was
much pleased with my play, and may
be ! could send him two seats for the
next matinee"
Did you answer the letter?''
"Oh, yes! I sent him postal-card
saying maybe l couldn't"
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1906-07-19
SHOWS HISTORIC PLACES.
Quadrangle in Virginia Noted Since
Colnnial DnNS

NOIed since
Colonial Days.
Many historic points of interest are
shown on map recently completed by
the geological survey of quadrangle
IN Virginia named for the town of Will
hamsburg. The map covers an area
which has been the scene of history
making since early colonial days, says
the Boston Transcript When Virginia
was vet colony, Williamsburg was
its capital. The surveyors in the prep
aration of this map came across the
foundations in which the house of Bur
geSses met. On a nearby monument
are recorded the names of the mem
bers of this body and several of the
more important events which have made
the spot famous in history. High up
on this shaft one reads the inscription
that here it was that Patrick Henry
delivered his speech on Treason" and
here, also, was promulgated George Ma
sons bill of rights. Williamsburg is
the site of the oldest educational insti-
tuition in the United States William
and Mary's College, and of the Oldest
church ediice, Bruton Church, where
the visitor will see the font in which
Pocahontas is said to have been bap-
tized. The mapmakers in their jour
ney through this section found many
houses whose construction antedates
the revolution.
Of later period are the forts and
earthworks erected during the civil
war, the town of Williamsburg having
been on the line of Gen. McClellan's in
sular campaign. York River is the
most conspicuous natural feature
which appears on the map This river
crosses the quadrangle diagonally from
the northwest to the southeast. There
are still standing on its north bank sew
eral of the original houses in which re-
sided in colonial days families bearing
such well known names as TaliaferrO.
Sewall, Page, Stubs and Tabs. The
Timberneck creek, which flows into
York River, carries on its banks the
ruins of the house said to have been
built by the Indian chief, Powhatan.
Near it is a rock which is shown to
visitors as the one on which Capt. John
Smiths head was placed at the time
of his traditiona- rescue by Pocahontas.
Landmarks of later days are Ware
Church and Abingdon Church, which
are shown on the map in the eastern
part of the quadrangle some distance
apart. A reminder of Bacon's rebel
lion is found in Bacon's headquarters,
which is located in the northern part
of this interesting quadrangle. Dwell
ing on this historic ground to-day is a
prosperous agricultural community,
many of them engaged in the oyster
industry. They appear to take a pride
in the traditions of this quadrangle and
were helpful to the agents of the sur
vey in supplying information.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1906-07-19
FOUR YEARS OF AGONY.
Whole Foot Nothing but Proud Flesh
Had to Use Crutches-"Cuticura

Whole Foot Nothing but Proud Flesh
Had to Use Crutches-"Cuticur
Remedies the Best on Earth"
I'm the year 1855 the side of my
right foot was cut off from the little
toe down to the heel, and the physician
who had charge of me was trying to
sew up the side Of my foot, but with
no success. At last my whole foot
and way up above my calf was moth
ing but proud flesh | suffered untold
agonies for four years, and tried diff
ferent physicians and all kinds of ONT
ments. l could walk only with
crutches In two weeks afterwards
saw a change in my limb. Then I
began using Cuticura Soap and Oint-
ment often during the day and kept it
up for seven months, when my limb
was healed up just the same as if
never had trouble. 1t is eight months
now since 1 stopped using Cuticura
Remedies, the best on Gods earth. /
am working at the present day, after
five years OF suffering. The cost of
Cuticura Ointment and Soap was only
Sc; but the doctors bills were more
like $500 John NJ. Lloyd, 718 S. Arch
Ave, Alliance, Ohio, June q, 1906"
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1906-07-19
BAD COMPLEXIONS
Depraved Blood Causes PimpIes and
soils-Or. Williams Pink Pills
Make New Blood and
Cure Follows.

Make New Blood and
Cure Follows.
II abused my stomach, my blood got
out of order and then my face broke out
with pimples and boils, says T. E. Rob-
ertson, of 1877 Addison street, Washing
ton, Pa. This was over two years ago.
My stomach was in bad shape. After
eating would have to rest awhile or ]
would suffer the most severe pains in
my stomach. On arising would often
be SO dizzy that could hardly stand up.
The slightest exertion would start my
back aching so that / often had to sit
down and rest awhile. At times / ex-
perienced pain around the heart which
alarmed me but which l suppose came
from my stomach trouble.
81 began to break out on the ."ace with
pimples and later with boils which con-
fined me to the house week or more at
a time. One day I saw DR.. Williams
Pink Pills for Pale People advertised i'll a
pamphlet which was left at the door and
! thought / would give them trial.
took several boxes of the pills before all
now glad to say that my blood is good
/ do not have any eruptions and L no
longer have the head and stomach
troubles / have described. I am very
grateful for what Dr. Williams Pink Pills
have done for me and I have recon-
mended them and always will advise
those who are suffering from bad blood
or stomach trouble to try them"
Ifyou want good health you must have
good blood. Bad blood is the root of most
common diseases like anamia,' rheuma-
tism, sciatica, neuralgia, St itus' dance,
nervousness, indigestion, debility, par
tial paralysis and loconotor ataxia.
DR.. Williams Pink Pills are sold by
all druggists or sent, postpaid, on receipt
of price, soc. per box, six boxes for So. so,
by the DR.. Williams Medicine Company,
Schenectady, NY.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1906-07-19
oaa,ex ,be rourt,s Onrx

a. 9. JeWett, lawyer, politician and
man Of sarcastic wit, was once trying
case in the supreme court in Belfast,
Me, his home city. The judge presid-
ing. before being called to the bench,
bad tried many cases against Jewett,
who did not entertain d very high opin-
ion of his ability.
IN his closing argument, Jewett, in
defiance of the rules of the court, start
ed il to read some law 10 the jury.
The court pounded on the bench and
said: Mr. Jewett, you must not read
law to the jury in your closing argu-
ment." Jewett kept on reading, with
out SO much as a glance at the court.
The court in thunderous tones ordered
him to stop.
Jewett, who had by this time read
all he intended to read, turned calmly
to the judge and said: Did your honor
address meI'
Il said" roared the judge, you must
not read law to the jury in your closing
argument l will give the law to the
jury. What do you suppose the court
is here for!"
What is the court here for?" re
sponded Jewett in high falsetto. 81
suppose YOU know, sir, to keep order
with the aid of the sheriff, sir, with all
due respect to the sheriff, sir."-Bostor
Herald.
The grip bacillus is the smallest mi.
crobe yet discovered which affects man.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1906-07-19
CHAPTER WIT

line next week was busy one for me.
spent II IN scraping together every bit
or cash L could lay my hands on. If |
could get together enough to paw the in
terest on the 100000 supposed to be in
vested in approved securities-really dis
posed of in a manner only known to his
e1cellency-I should have six months to
look about me. Now remaining out of my
Donus was nil, out of my reserve
fund $4,000. This was enough. But,
alas, how happened it that this sum was
in my hands? Because l had borrowed
5000 from the bank. If they wouldn'
let their own manager overdraw, whom
would they? So 1 overdrew. But il this
money wasn't back before the monthly
balancing, Jones would know. And l
dared not rely on being able to stop his
mouth again. When / said Johnny Carr
was the only honest man in Aureataland
L forgot Jones. Jones also was honest,
and Jones would consider it his duty to
let the directors know of my overdraft.
II once they knew, | was lost, for an over
draft effected privately from the safe by
the manager is, l do not deny it, decidedly
irregular. Unless | could add $1,000 to
my $4,000 before the end of the month
l should have to default.
This melancholy conclusion was re-en-
forced and rendered demonstrable by a
letter which arrived, to crown my woes,
from my pected father, informing me
that he had unhappily become indebted to
our chairman in the sum of $4,000, the
result OF deal between them, that ne
had seen the chairman, that the chairman
was urgent for payment, that he used
most violent language against our family
IN general, ending by declaring his in
tention of stopping my salary to pay the
parental debt. If he doesn't like it he
may go, and small loss" This was
most unjustifable proceeding, but l was
hardly in a position to take up a high
moral attitude toward the chairman, and
IN the result l saw myself confronted
with the certainty of beggary and the
probability of Jail. But for this unto
ward reverse of fortune l might have TAX
en- courage and made clean breast of my
mlsdolngs, relying on the chairman's OBJ
hgations 10 my father to pull me through.
But now, where was I? / was, as Donna
Antonio put it, very deep in indeed. So
overwhelmed was l by my position, and
so occupied by my frantic efforts TO i'm
prove it, that / did not even find time to
go and see the Signorina, much as / need
ed comfort; and. as the days went on,
fell into such despair that 1 went no
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1906-07-19
She Didn't Sleep Well.

A woman who lives il an inland
town, while going to a convention in q
distant city, spent one night of the
journey on board a steamboat. 1t was
the first time she had ever Travelled by
water. She reached her journeys end
extremely fatigued. To a friends who
remarked it she replied:
yes, I'm tired to death I don't
know that I care to travel by water
again. l read the card in my stateroom
abotu how to put the life preserver on
and l thought | understood it, but /
guess / didn't, Somehow l couldn't go
TO sleep with the thing on."-Ladies'
Home Journal.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1906-07-19
Well Up in the Classics.

The principal of one of WaShington'S
high schools relates an incident in con-
nectiOn with the last commencement
day of the institution mentioned. A
clever girl had taken one of the prin-
cipal prizes. At the close Of the exer-
cises her friends crowded about her to
offer congratulations.
Weren't you awfully afraid you
wouldn't get it, Hattie asked one
when there were so many contest.
ants?"
"Oh, no!' cheerily exclaimed Hattie
Because l knew that when it came to
English composition l had 'em all
skinned alive !''-Harper's Weekly.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1906-07-19
FREAK KANSAS WATER WELL.
The Location, on Top of a Hill, Was
Accidental.

One of the biggest water wells ever
drilled in this part of the country is
in the vicinity of the smelter here,
says the Kansas City Stars correspond
ent at Cherryvale Kan. The location
Of it was purely an accident. The smelt-
er people were looking for a supply of
water for the horses, and decided that
it would be better to go to the top of a
hill and run a gravity line down to
the works than to drill on the fiat and
install pumps. The drill had not been
working more than three hours when
the water came with a great rush and
nearly blew the tools out of the hole.
A six-inch pipe was put in and this is
barely sufficient to contain the volume
The pressure is so great that the
tank over the fire-engine house is filled
without pumping, and then the well is
not working more than one-fourth of
the time. If it were to work all the
time it would not only supply all of the
departments of the smelter. but the en-
tire town Of Cherryvale in addition.
The capacity of the we'll is a matter
of guess, because it has never been al
lowed to run all day, but it is said to
be at least 100000 gallons a day. The
drilling of the well has been the talk of
the farmers around in the neighbor-
hood and more wells will be drilled in
the hope OF finding the same vein.
The dig well is another of the freaks
which have been the bane of biologists
since the discovery of oil and gas in
this part of the State. If there was
any other range of hills around here,
the presence of the water so near the
surface of the ground on top of the hill
TO the northwest might be explained,
but how it happens that the water is
within twelve feet of the highest hill
in the whole country and with no other
hill at all within reach, is something
the people, who think they know some
thing of geology, have been unable to
pynIaiu
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1906-07-19
OUR LANGUAGE UNIFORM.
While Great Britain, for Instance,
Has Many Different Ianeuages

While Great Britain, for Instance,
Has Many Different Languages.
1t has been observed that the Ian.
guage spoken in the United States is
remarkably uniform. True, there are
in area than any one of half a dozen of
our States, contains such very different
languages as English, Welsh and the
Gaelic of the Scottish Highlands, to say
nothing of the provincial dialects of
Cornwall and Yorkshire and the unique
speech of the London cockney; while
in this country, with its vast eXpanse
of territory, its settlement by Spanish,
French, Dutch and Swedish cOloniSts,
and its millions of immigrants drawn
small, all over the world, there is far
greater uniformity of speech than in
any other land of equal area and popu-
lation.
The causes can be readily seen. The
public schools have made us nation of
readers, and the press has supplied
books and papers without limit. Press
associations have done their part to-
ward giving Il uniform and fairly good
tone to the newspaper language of the
day. The telegraph, the telephone and
cheap postage have brought distant
parts of the country into quick and
easy communication, and so have aided
in teaching common language. The
railroad has penetrated every corner OF
the land and made us a nation of trav-
elers. Countless human shuttles thus
are thrown daily across the land in
every direction, carrying with them the
threads of thought and speech and do
ing their part to make one pattern of
the whole. No doubt our maps. which
still present so many different kinds
OF names, will in time lose the strange
ness and the foreign air" that are so
noticeable now.-St. Nicholas.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1906-07-19
She Knew Her Business.

He had been sweet on her for some
time and one evening he dropped In
on his way home from the office
II hope you will excuse me for call
ing in my business suit" he said
Out
"Oh, that's all right" interrupted the
fair maid, that is, If you mean bust.
ness"
And the next day a downtown jew.
eler separated him from o months sal.
airy in exchange for the ring.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1906-07-19
Rogers Wins the Grand American
Handicap.

Two hundrd and sixty eight OF the
best shots in the country took part in
tne Grand American Handicap Tourna-
ment held in Indianapolis, Ind. June
1872. This event was attended by
shooters from all over the country. Tie
great event of the week was the Grand
American Handicap, which was won by
MI. +. Z. Rogers, of st. Louis, WHO
broke "a out of 100 targets from the IL
yard mark in a gale of wind, shooting
winchester Factory Loaded Shells. In
each OF the other three events On the
program, Winchester Factory Loaded
Shells or Winchester Repeating Shot
guns landed in first place, making
clean sweep for these justly popular
and reliable goods.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1906-07-19
OUTDOOR LIFE
VIII Not Onset the Ill Effects of
Coffee When One Cannot Digest II

VIII Not onset the III Effects of
Coffee When One Cannot Digest II
A farmer says:
1T was not from liquor or tobacco
that for ten years or more l suffered
from dyspepsia and stomach trouble !;
they were caused by the use of coffee
until l got so bad ! had to give up
coffee entirely aud almost give up eat
Ing. There were times when l could
eat only boiled milk and bread, and
when l went to the field to work 1 had
to take some bread and butter along
to give me strength.
Il doctored with doctors and took al
most everything 1 could get for my
stomach in the way of medicine, but il
l got any better it only lasted a little
while until l was almost a walking
skeleton.
"One day / read an ad. for Postum
and told my wife l would try it, and
as to the following facts 1 will make
affidavit before any judge:
Il quit coffee entirely and used
Postum in its place. / have regained
my health entirely and can eat any
thing that is cooked 10 eat. / have in
creased in weight until now / weigh
more than ever did; I have not taken
any medicine for my stomach since
began using Postum. Why, / believe
Postum will almost digest an iron
wedge.
MY family would stick to coffee at
first, but they saw the effects it had
on me, and when they were feeling
bad they began to use Postum, one at
81 time. until now we all use Postum y
Name given by Postum Co., Battle
Greek, Mich.
Ten days trial of Postum in place
of coffee proves the truth, an easy and
pleasant way. There's a reason"
Look in pkgs for a copy Of the ia
nous little book, THE Road to Well
VILE"
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1906-07-19

causing nervous chills and night sweats
After trying seven different climates
and using all kinds of medicine, l had
the good fortune to hear of Doan's
Kidney Pills. This remedy has cured
me. I am as well to-day as l was
twenty years ago, and my eyesight is
perfect
Sold by all dealers so cents a box.
Foster Milburn Co., Buffalo, n. Y.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1906-07-19

Sherlock Holmes had announced his in
tention of abandoning detective work.
My dear Holiness" said DR.. Watson,
you don't mean it ~
Quite so, my dear DOCTOR" he said.
Those Philadelphia detectives have made
me look like bungling amateur"
Shooting another charge OF dope into
his arm, he assumed a William Gillette
pose and stared moodily into the fire.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1906-07-19
Corroborative.

Caller-Don't you consider Prof Jones'
by a man of much practical wisdom
not at all eoncaited or opinionated, you
know, but full of accurate knowledge and
plain common sense?
Mrs. Lapsling-Yes, indeed: l think
he's one of the most saponacious men
ever met.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1906-07-19
Another Version.

Jack was just about to build his IA
nous house
why don't you get some men to help
you." asked curious friend
mo, SIR" replied Jack. they would
call a strike on me before the house
was finished. I'll build it myself"
Thus we know why the house was
called 1.-The house that Jack built"
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1906-07-19

There are cases where an operation
Is the only resource, but when che con-
siders the great number of cases of
menacing female troubles cured by
Lydia E. Pinkham's Vegetable Com
pound after physicians have advised
operations, no woman should submit to
one without first trying the Vegetable
Compound and writing Mrs. Pinkham,
Lynn, Mass, for advice, which is free.
Miss Margret Merllley, of 275 Third
Street, Milwaukee, Wis, writes:
Dear Mrs. Pinkham:
"Loss Of strength, extreme nervousness,
shooting pains through the pelvic organs,
bearing down pains and cramps compelled
me to seek medical advice The doctor, after
making an examination, said had female
trouble and liberation and advised an opera
ton. To this strongly objected and decided
TO try Lydia E. Pinkham's Vegetable Com
pound The liberation quickly healed all
the bad symptoms disappeared and l am
once more strong, vigorous and well"
Female troubles are steadily on the
increase among women. if the month
ly periods are very painful, or too fire.
quent and excessively you have pain
or swelling low down in the left side,
bearing down pains don't neglect your
self: try Lydia E. Pinkham's Vegetable
Compound.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1906-07-19
Well. Yes.

Araminta exhibiting the family
cherub)-Is there anything sweeter
than q baby?
Young Spoonall-Why. : sometimes
think a baby's 1S-year-old sister is just
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1906-07-19
Case of Stern Justice,

Grindstone-How was that divorce
case finally settled?
Kiljordan-The judge decided that
both parties deserved the severest pun
ishment possible, and he put them I'M
der heavy bonds to continue to live to-
gether.-Cleveland Leader.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1906-07-19

years with pains
across the loins
and in the hips
and shoulders. |
h a d headache
also and neural
gia. My right
eye, from pain,
was of little use
to me for years.
The constant flow
of urine kept my
~ 49,
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1906-07-19
Life.

His Wife-I'm awfully tired. 1
spent the afternoon at my dressmaker's
trying to get a fit.
Her Husband--I'm tired too. l met
my tailor on the street and he gave
me fits.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1906-07-19
willing Martyr.

Merchant would be glad to give
you the position, Young man, but
make it rule to Employ married men
only.
Applicant-Beg pardon, sir, but have
you an unmarried daughter?