davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-02-14
LAYHA WKER JOTS

The womans federation Of clubs at
Mcpherson has undertaken the good.
work of providing a town clock
Fort Scott is all puffed up because
it is the home of a real "brougham,
the first one ever brought to that
town.
The Hoxie Sentinel says that the
marriage of King AlphonsO of Spain
and Princess Ena has been postponed,
so you may just as we'll 90 at those
other matters you had outlined"
I'VE know a man." says Editor
johnson of the Minneapolis Better
Way, who ate packing house bologna
the other evening and for two days
thereafter he was kept busy scratching
ffeas."
J. A Jones, of Highland, is offered
$3.50 a month to pitch ball for Penn
sylvania league this summer. He also
has an offer of $3.50 a month from
Lincoln. Neb. Thus is another member
Of the Jones family hOnored-
Opinion handed down by the Mime
apolis Better way: Kansas has had a
good deal of not very good experience
with the Crow family. but the cele-
brated Es Crow recently turned loose
by Gov. Hoch is the worst ever.
The annual return of ground hogs
day last week recalls the fact that the
late Sol Miller once introduced a bill
in the state senate to change the date
of ground hogs day, so that when the
ground hog sees his shadow, the six
weeks of bad weather would not extend
so far into the spring.
An Erie woman had guests to din
ner the other day, says AlInira Todds
and during the progress of the meal
she entertained them with a history
Of the fowl they were devouring. ~ es, .
she concluded, "this was one of my
best layin' hens an I hated awful to
kill her. but she'd been so droopy and
sick-lOOkin' lately, I thot I might as
well, an get some good out Of her"
Kingman Leader: Bert Walker of
the Osborne Farmer, who has been
trying to get married for two years,
but can't, takes this mean fling at his
more fortunate brothers: Some scien-
list. who has been studying the figures,
claims that married men live longer
than the fellows who go through life
minated. From what I know about
the matter. should say. the scientist
was mistaken. It just seems longer
The suggestion by the state board of
health that fOodstuffs be plainly
contain leads the Ottawa Herald to
This shredded wheat biscuit con
tains eleven parts excelsior mattress.
ten parts desiccated birds nest, and
Is tinted with wall paint. For brain
and sinew; the food Of men who
Think" Or, This superior whole
straw berry Jam is the product of Is
/ per cent brewery refuse and Is per
cent second-qualfty prunes- It is col
ored by a careful preparation of Dia-
mOnd dye. Pure and wholesome as
the morning dew"
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-02-14
ER0H OTHER PENS
MARRYING ZOE TITLE.

That another international marriage
is ending badly is no matter for sur
prise or for particular regret. When
a green girl marries the son of an
ancient but pitifully reduced and pro-
figate line, the transa elton is simply
the purchase of a title the pair must
regard the chances of domestic infe-
licity as merely a normal hazard, and
the only question sympathetic pub
lie may reasonably ask is, Was the
original bargain a fair one, and made
with equal knowledge of the condi-
tons? To treat the matter in any
more sentimental fashion would be a
clean waste of good emotion. A mere
handful of American heiresses marry
great titles, and their felicity or in
felicity is an indistinguishabl frac-
ton of the total sum of human happi-
ness or misery. Besides. the question
of happiness is really negligible; the
important thing is the equivalence of
the settlement and the dtle.-New
York Evening Post.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-02-14
Training Both Hands

An interesting discussion is beine. car
Iied on in England in connection with
the question Of ambidexterity. there be-
ing certain number of physicians and
psychologists who are recommending
mat the child should be taught to use
the left as well as the right hand and
with equal facility There are. however.
tnose who advise that the left hand
should be used only for Ieft-hanIed mo-
ton, inasmuch as it is not an exact
copy OF the right, and must possess Ger
responding limitations. While the ad-
vanced ambideXtrists believe that in
addition to its ordinary duties the left
hand should be taught to copy the
movements of the right, such as in or
binary writing, the moderate advocates
thlnk that, recognizing its limitations
the left hand should be made to do on
the left side similar things. These, Of
course, would be done by movements in
the reverse direction, and, therefore, if
absolute ambidexterity were required, as
in turning a screw or in writing, a
screw with reversed thread should be
used and reversed form of writing de-
vised.-Harper's Weekly.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-02-14
Two Kinds of Snace

Miss Frances Wilson, who recently be-
came the wife of Charles Huard a
French artist, under circumstances
charmingly romantic, was in her child
hood close friend of Eugene Field
The poet-journa1ist was very fond Of
children. To this fondness innumerable
children's poems in his daily "Sharps
and Flats columns bore witness. And
in his frequent visits to the Wilson
residence no one welcomed him more
warmly than the little girl.
She said Of him the other day:
Il can still see his tall. gaunt figure
and can still hear his musical and
deep voice uttering jests gravely.
He was always testing. One night
in May he was walking with a young
lady and me. The young lady was ro-
mantle. She looked IN at the sky
spangied with stars and said to Mr..
Field:
Space! Space! How wonderful it is!
Does it not overwhelm you?
" Indeed it does said Mr. Field in
a deep, awed tone. 7 have a column of
it to ill every day Los Angeles
Times.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-02-14
FAKE NEUTRALITY-SUSPICIOUS..

a man VINO answered. adVertlse-
ments in Cheap story papers" found
out how to raise turnips successfully
take hold of the tops and pull"
Being young, he wrote to a Chicago
firm for Information as to how to
make an impression, and his answer
read: 'tSit down on pan of dough-
To double his money in six months he
was told to convert his money into
bills fold them and see his money
doubled. Next he sent for twelve use
full household articles and got pack
age of needles. He paid a dollar to
learn how to live without work, and
was told on a postal ward to Fish for
suckers as We do.'-Chapman Look
out.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-02-14

housekeeping. They have enough
such as it is. The trouble is that there
are too many solid silver dinner ser
vices and not enough sgillets: too
much bric-a-brac and not enough bed
clothes. too many diamond necklaces
and not enough kitchen aprons
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-02-14

The Droverb about the fool and his
money was again Illustrated in Los
Angeles the other day when a young
New Yorker got drunk and got rid of
$4,000 IN an hour for flowers and
champagne for the mob that was fol-
lowing him AROUND
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-02-14
KANSAS CONAENT
a sERMoN

A SERMON
The Tonganoxie Mirror. discussing a
local arrest, breaches about as good
sermon as we have read or listened to
lately It says; James Fox has finally
had his mind affected by his long con-
VITALITY in Tonganoxie joints. Last
Friday night he was locked UP in the
city jail because of his Authorizations
He wanted to butt out his brains against
the bars and he was therefore watched
all night long. In the morning he was
sentenced 10 three months in the county
Jail in the hope that a period of enforced
abstinence viii restore his mental
equilibrium. Saturday evening he was
turned over to Sheriff Meyers. James
Fox has lived in Tonganoxie longer
than anyone who is now here. Middle
age finds him a wreck because he could
never resist the temptation to squan-
der all his earnings on whisky Above
the average in intellect. Jim fur BIsnes
sad spectacle of what drink viii bring a
man to- He harmed nobody but him
self, yet his own existence was misera-
bic, for his lodging was n barns when
he hung around town and the little cash
he had earned on the farms went for
whisky instead of food. Still Jim is
only one CT manv who hunt out the
joints where the Vilest of whisky is sold
at q profit that would provoke a revoiu-
ton were the same percentage OF gain
applied to foods, clothes or other neees-
sities.-LaWrence World.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-02-14
soME FACETIousNEss

The State Journal seems to ask the
question in all seriousness yet: why
does not the governor prosecute 7. T.
Kelly2" That sounds strange up here.
The supposition Is that the governor
will have to be good to Kelly in order to
hold to the end of his term as governor
It is not impossible that Kelly will be-
come fretful any time and throw the
governor out. It is cinch that one of
them ought to go.-Smith County Mes
senger.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-02-14

Northwest Kansas is the latest To-
oality to see a wild man. That, with
wild tigers running loose in Franklin
county, and freaks Of various kinds
bobbing up over the state, confirms
the idea that a menagerie may have
broken uD in Kansas.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-02-14
MONROE- DOCTRINE.

However much they may differ with
him upon the merits or dement's Of
President Roosevelt's policy toward
Santo Domingo, men of all parties Will
agree with Senator Patterson's deela-
ration that the Monroe doctrine should
never be made L p ty question AT
l4nca Constitutio I.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-02-14

ments that M Allen knew nothing
about the transaction and that the
money was intended to pay Mr.. Doc
little for taking a poll of Wakarusa
township, a work that he did not per
form.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-02-14

The dispatches last night announced
that France and Germany are both IN
yielding and that nothing will come of
ere Algeciras conference In other
words, France and Germany are the
Eoater and GiIluly Of Europe.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-02-14

II Mr. Kelly were to continue long
as state treasurer. It would apparently
pay a bank to bid as low rate of in
ferest as possible on the states money.
The banks that pay the lowest rate are
given the most money to keep, by Mr..
Kelly.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-02-14

You can't blame BTr. Longworth and
Mrs. Longworth-to-b for wishing to
take a few years trip around the
world, after having been watched all
through their courtship by something
ike elghty million people.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-02-14
purpose

kansas" says the Los Angeles Ex-
press, has decided not to GUST the
santa Fe. the decision being in line
with one made by the Santa re some
what earlier in the game"
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-02-14

Ex-President McCurdy is about to
move TO Paris. Jimmie Hyde also feels
at home there, and Attorney Hamilton
feels that his health will be better in
Paris than ia America If this thing
keeps up, we will have quite a colony
OF former insurance officers in Paris.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-02-14

II Is remarkable what poor memoir
ies being called as witnesses In a joint
case viii develop in some men Why
win men who pretend to be fairly good
citizens equfvocate and warp the truth
to save a lavv-brea kerr
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-02-14
RESTRICTIONS OF A BACHELOR
Iron the - York Presg.l

From the New ] Ork Press.
Children will never disobey you if
you never give them any orders.
A man would like to go to business
early if it caused scandal in the church
If money could stick to ones de-
scendants the way red hair does, every
body would be rich
Generally you can tell when a wo-
man is a mother by the way she doesn't
think any children she meets are
pretty.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-02-14
HUMOR OF TIE Day

II n V4F4VAN Va &4@S II
He carved out his own fortune
Nonsense! He married It. -,
Well he had to cut rs,s on5 i0 leader.
Miss Ingenue-Aren't you nearly ready
= Miss lis q Pa ass i haven't made up my
Miss Ingenue-Oh. do you have to make
that up. too?-Cieveland Leader.
why do you teach your children to re-
'i wen Ell sans answered the practical woman.
there has to be some way OF 5tsIllIles
people who come to see you ana LoIsss
when it's time to go home. W asEline ton
Now. then, Tommy" said the teacher.
lis it right to say the winter mas
Nom" yelled Tommy promptly.
Cause If yer did the foist thing yer
know along would come. 6lizzar t5- an
THAT is quite a public library. you
delphia But you should watch out for
the snoozeTs- I saw two men in the news
paper. room fast asleep over their pa
Two is the limit allowed replied the
Bostonian; "a couple OF Philadelphla pa
pers is all they take. Boston Transcript
Cremnitz white-rd do anything in the
]. caustieEwer why don't you quit
painting2-Judge.
And why have you never married, Mr..
Priestley?" asked Miss OIdgirl.
Because" said the curate sternly. 7
& Il not approve of games OF chance
Did you hear that the daughter Of that
rich man in the next block had been
driven from homer"
NO When did it haDDen?'
Just after she got into the carriage. -
Baltimore American
Prof Bash" said the distractingly
1T is inability, Miss Gladys" answered
the young professor, to utter the words
that express ones thoughts or feelings.
and often 1t comes suddenly upon one
You are troubled with it to some ex-
tent yourself are you. not. professor"
It took him only half a second to com
prehend. and he wasn't troubled with it
any more.-Chicago Tribune.
Nippkins-Why so blue. old boy?
Blinkins-l tried to economic by mar
rying my typewriter
Nippkins-Good idea!
Blinkins-No it wasn't. She refuses to
do any more typeWriting, demands two
that my next typewriter shah be a man,
although men want larger salaries
Punch
This said the dealer. rs a wonderful
thing the very latest It's an alarm clock
with a phonOgraph attached
suppose
"Oh no; you only turn on the phono-
graph when you go to bed. It sings lul-
labies to you and puts you to Sleep
Philadelphia Ledger.
DE man dat tries to make trouble -
1 said Uncle Eben. lis about de only per
! son who kin be sure of success when he
starts in on new piece O. work.
/ Washington Star.
Tommy. why are you not at your sis
! ter's Wedding?'
"'Cause she's marryin' de wrong man.
an I told EN- ia sing right out an tell
man?'
''He yanked me out from under the So
IA once an spanked me!''-Chicago Tri-
Bobby-Say. they have some smart de-
tectiyes in the police department. They
can find out who robbed a place by thumb
marks.
Benny-That's nothing Why our cook
can do that every time I swipe lam ont
Of the pantry.-Chicago Daily News
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-02-14

MI Longworth had so far recovered
that he was able to celebrate AIice's
birthday. SO 1t is believed that ne will
be well enough to play his part in Sat
urday's programme He has only a
minor part, anyway.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-02-14
Happy Thought.

There is a very pretty girl in SYRIA
cnse Who with the best Of motives and
most kind intent, is generally, as she
herself expresses it, in d mess To
a ch1na she recently said:
ct seem to have ohended Mr.. de
T.ancev. and I cant imagine how I
sent him a little token on his birthday
and he acknowledged it in the coolest
what did you send ?" her friend in
~ wei, she explained, 81 wanted to
give something that would have some
Connection with his lovely verses, you
know, and by what was almost an in
spiration I thought of a rhyming die
tionary. '-Harper's Weekly
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-02-14
INDICATTONs.

As long as see man smile and hear
him applaud 7 know that have hit the
other fellow. When he looks sour and
passes me Up know that I have hit
him.-Osborne County Farmer
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-02-14

The spring rain was all right Of
course. but we cannot entirely endorse
the action OF the weather department
in pulling the plug out of the refriger-
alton pipe Immediately afterwards
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-02-14

It Is estimated that the smoot trial
IS half over. It probably viii not
last more than four years more.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-02-14

It is suggested that a penny sub
seriPHon might help pay Count Bonts
debts. The trouble is that few people
feel ike contributing a penny for that
r41r0ose
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-02-14

From what we hear of Paris. we
Judge that its reputation will not suf-
fer greatly because some Of our insur-
ance presidents are moving there.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-02-14
An Honest Man-New school.

Cassius r. Peck, assistant United
States district attorney of Oklahoma,
at banquet in Guthrie recently spoke
On honesty One thing he said was
this
What are we coming to? Are we
coming to such a pass that our ideas
of an honest man will correspond with
the idea of old Hiram StroOde?
Hiram Stroode, for the seventh
time, was about to fail. He called in
an expert accountant to disentangle
his books The accountant. after two
days' work, announced to Hiram that
he would be able to pay his credit"~s
cents on the dollar.
AT this news the old man looked
Heretofore he said. frowning. I
have always paid 10 cents on the dol
"A vfrtuous and benevolent express
sion spread over his face.
." And 1 will do 50 now he resumed d.
nv own pocket Chicago Inter
Ocean.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-02-14

This is the day that the comic valen-
tine once more breaks loose.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-02-14

If Senator La Fouette's antI-pass
Idea ever becomes a law. the railroads
viii probably have to pay their en-
pioyes in congress larger salaries
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-02-14

Perhaps this cold snap win bring
.out the man who kills or the peach
crop after all.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-02-14

We really would have found it diff
cult to attend the wedding anyway. so
we viii not require an explanation as
70 why we did not get an invitation.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-02-14

Alberta seems to be running the
/ cold wave factory this year instead of
Medicine Hat.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-02-14

Tt appears that Thomas Todd Kelly
has the same high regard for observ-
sing the law that has made him famous
heretofora.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-02-14

You can realize what sort Of a man
Count Boni is when you know that he
wants his wife to pay him alimony for
his support.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-02-14

The wedding is only four days off.
Very likely Nick Is beginning to get
nervous.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-02-14
JERsEY,s CHILDREN.

New Jersey is talking Of killing The
trusts exactly as though infanticide
were not a crime.-Charlesto News
and Courier.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-02-14

we would like very much to have
China awake enough to buy our pro
ducts, but we object to having her
wake up sufficiently to do things for
herself
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-02-14

P. P. Johnston. president of the Ma
tiOnal TrOtting association. said at the
annual meeting in New York:
The taking of trotters continues. Ny
friend T. E. Dempsey tells me that in
the summer he saw a mare that had
been bleached, bIeached like a blond
woman.
IAN sorts of fakes are adopted by
crooks in order to disguise a trotter with
a good record. Then the trotter be-
heved to be beginner, gets enormous
odds, and when she wins-what sur
prise
Mr.. Johnston lighted a cigar.
1T is an unpleasant, or unexpected
SURPRISE he said. 1T is like the sur
prise a friend of mine met with on a
train in West Virginia.
LAS the train traversed Wise coun.y "
my friend entranced with the scenery,
stuck his head out of the window.
The brakeman hurried to him and
said;
j." Keep your head inside, can't you?'
What for?' asked my friend.
so as you won't damage any of the
iron works on the bridges, said the
brakeman Exchange.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-02-14

A meat PACKER IS t1e poorest Nitness
that ever stepped into the box, with the
single exception Of an Oil maguale.-
St Louis Globe Democrat.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-02-14
JoE WRIGHT.s ouERY-

BY the way, has anyone taken the
time to figure out what it cost the state
of Kansas to elect Burton to the United
States senate; and just how near do
those Ggures correspond to the shortage
in the state treasury County
RFaSSepaar
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-02-14

An exchange remarks that Mr.. Long
worth and his bride-to-be already have
enough wedding presents to set up
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-02-14

'sThe. more we get you've heard before
1.-THE more we want" and yet
It always works this way: The more
We want the less we get.
-PhiladelDhia Press
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-02-14
DATo AID DITTO.

Apropos Bryan's elevation to a Datto
by one of those Oriental rulers reminds
US of a story we once heard of man
who run an account at the village gro
Gerry store. At the end of the year when
the merchant sent an itemized account,
the man noticed that some of the ite2ns
charged run thus: Sugar 25c, ditto soc,
and so on down the line. The next day
he appeared at the grocery store and
wrathfully declared that he had never
bought any ditto" in all MS life. The
merchant put in a good part Of the after
noon explaining matters to him. When
the man reached home and his wife
wanted to know what ne had learned
concerning the account he disgustedly
replied that he had learned that he was
a fool and she was ditto.-Lindsborg
News.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-02-14
An EstabIished Reputation.

A deputy sheriff and chief OF police
of a Rhode Island city, known in his
lifetime as a man whose word could
always be taken, once gave a whimsical
demonstrate ton of his straightforward
ness. one day, according to writer
in the Boston Herald, a grocer went to
Aim for information about certain
Toe White, who had applied for credit
Good morning, sheriff.
do YOU know Joe White?"
what kind of a Teller is he?"
Putty fair"
us he honest2"
Honest should say SO; a seen ar
both Zines
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-02-14

The real bugaboo IN the senate i
not king caucus, but kingcourtesy.-
Chicago Record Herald
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-02-14

We have a new simile for slowness;
an Alaska glacier is moving at the rate
Of two inches. a year.@I.ewiston Jour
nal.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-02-14

If he attempts to go it alone, Count
Boni will probably soon be lean
enough to Justify his name--New
ork Mail
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-02-14

strike begins to start paying higher
prices for your coal.-Detroit News.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-02-14

japan is preparing TO add several
modern international peace -persuaders
to her navy--Toledo Blade.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-02-14

And why have you never married, Mr..
Priestiey?" asked Miss OIdgiri.
Because" said the curate sternly, I
do not approve of games OF chance