The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-10-27

do? When you are in the Gulch
you have got to do the
GuIchers do or be thought a kicker.
We race. but we do it hoping. the other
party will win and give the money to
the heather.
A stranger named William Bliss
turned himself loose in town the other
evening and shot the insulators of Of
twenty-one telegraph poles. Some pa
triotic citizen then split Williams left
ear with a bullet and he hoWled
a spanking lie was finally ducked in
the creek and ordered to move on.
This is our regular day for lying
about our circulation, and we there
fore grid on our armOr and announce
that the figures are very close to the
three million mark, and that If the
boom keeps up we shall have to order
one hundred new presses to print the
edition in time Our circulation now
everything in the shape of printing in
the whole world We have done it
with cur little Ratchet.
A Cincinnati paper announces thai
we. as postmaster of the Gulch,
have been called to Washington to in
struct the postmaster general in the
art of playing poker. The article is
tttAtC LOO lIGAlOUS- W = NV = III lOlCG
that such instructions may come. and
If they do We Will make such a pok-
erist Of him as has not been seen in
the east for the last twenty Years.
Having learned that a shyster law
yer in this town named Sol Davis was
telling that he would shoot US on sight
for a little article that appeared in the
Kicker last week. we walked around
to his Office OH Thursday last to pass
the time of day. Mr.. Davis had a shot
gun. two revolvers and a Knife handy
by but he begged the privilege of TAX
ing US by the hand and assuring US
that he would kill himself sooner than
even point a gun at us. There is moth
ing like following up such rumors with
promptness and dispatch
We started out the other day to
convince Tom Connolly, of the Bald
Eagle saloon, that advertising always
pays at least one hundred per cent. but
as soon as we entered the door of his
place Thomas opened fire on us We
saw in an instant that he did not love
US. and that oral arguments would be
wasted, and we returned his fire and
knocked him over with bullet in his
81 oulder. After the lead had been ex-
tracted and he had three days in which
to think it over. Tom came around
to our way of thinking and viii here
after be found among our most enter
prisiRg advertisers We had much
rather shoot of our mouth than our
gun in drumming up ads. but there
are times when the thing has got to
be reversed
At ten o'clock on Wednesday even
/ ing last we had to mount a mule be
longing to Mr.. Charles Helmsford and
drive three cowboys out of town. They
had fired over one hundred shots at
| random, and many citizens had had
narrow escape We got the trio on
the run after firing six shots and utter
ing three warwhOops, and we drove
them two miles.
The autoist who passed through here
on his way to Florence last week had
not reached that place at last reports,
and his friends are very much worried.
The last seen of him was at a point
eight miles from the Gulch. He was
then seeking to outspeed a gang Of
dozen cowboys, but the road was
rough and they were shooting the tires
off the machine. They may have hung
him and his machine on the same limb
for a joke. We issued a warning long
ago. Now and then a blkist may
squeak through, but there are a hun
| bred chances to one against an autoist-
The boys don't like the smell of the
gasoline.
Our society reporter announces that
the season will open with great eclat
in the Gulch next month. and
that among the earliest things on the
carpet are candy pull. poker party
and a nigh tea. We shall be there. We
shall run the society of the town the
same as in the past. and any ambitious
man or woman who thinks we can be
safely suubbed had better pause and
think before trying It on.
Mr.. George Taylor, a painless dentist
from Denver, arrived here last week TO
open parlors. but after a short talk
with US he concluded not to and re-