The Bowbells tribune. [volume] (Bowbells, Ward Co., N.D.) 1899-1969, 1906-08-17
A MAN AND TWO CHILDREN.
He look Care Of Them One Whole Aeaoon Lived
Of His Experience With Precious
(Hugh S. Fullerton, in Chicago Tribune.)

We had been arguing in regular old
married couple way, as to whether a
man or a woman had the hardest work.
I won the argument on technicality,
preferring to win that va; rather than
to make straight issue of the matter.
Tuesday morning she was busy reading
ads in the paper and scented trouble,
having learned the signs by long expe-
rience. Besides. even l had noticed
that some of the stores were advertis-
ing perfect loves of silk waists at pre-
ponderous low prices. Besides these
signs the missus was suspiciously sweet
that morning.
She broke the news to me just after
breakfast. 1t being my day off, she
had decided to utilize it by doing some
necessary shopping, leaving me to take
care of the children.
Now, five or six years ago l read a
book on the care and feeding of child
ren, and, besides, I had read several
papers along the same line, and once,
when I was trapped between fat wo-
man and female Hercules at a
woman's club meeting, I sat through
three hours of lectures along the same
subjects delivered by spinsters and
childless widows, so felt perfectly
qualified to care for the following:
One angel child (female.) aged 4
years and z months.
One angel child (male,) aged 10
months.
It looked like stealing money. l told
the missus to run along, take lunch
down town and stay as late as she
pleased. Then sat down to read the
paper. One angel child got on my back,
the other under my feet. and both bat
ted the paper. Then they got into a
fight over the possession of a little red
chair. Sitting as judge awarded the
chair to the younger, basing the decis-
ion on the fact that he had seen it first
and besides was the baby. The male
angel child, triumphant, crawled on
that chair and proceeded to fall off it
while his sister howled.
hunted up a book of directions and
read ''Never say don't to child. I"
That was the first thing I struck, so I
threw the book away. I said "don't"
on an average Of three times a minute
from the time the missus left the house.
That merely was the beginning. l
fed the male angel child half an hour
ahead Of time to placate him after his
third battle with his sister, but he did
not want his milk. He wanted my pipe.
Meantime, while l was preparing his
milk, the female angel child escaped
and was found digging in the dirt under
the back porch. Thinking that would
keep her out Of trouble l left her there,
and five minutes later she appeared
howling because one Of the neighbors'
children had turned the hose on her.
While I was changing her clothes the
male angel child fell downstairs.
It is not necessary to 60 into harrow
ing details. To summarize, at luncheon
time they had violated every rule In the
book twice. During the afternoon,
which seemed three weeks long, man.
aged to get them to take their maps
concurrently. They slept twelve min
utes and it required one hour and thirty
two minutes Of strenuous toll to get
them to sleep. During that twelve
minutes rested and recuperated for the
operation Of bathing them both, which
the book said must be done. During the
excitement ! forgot that the male angel