New-York tribune., 1906-06-06
THE TALK OF THE DAY.

Two Irshmen were crossing the ocean on the
way to this country. On the way over Patrick
died Preparations made for burial at sea-
according TO THE Magazine of Fun" but the lead
weights customarily used in such lost
Chunks of coal were substituted. Everything was
finally ready for the last rites. and long and
earnestly did Michael look at his friend Finally
he blurted out sorrowfully:
We'll Pat. oil always knew ye soin there,
but ofm domned If Oh thought they'd make yer
bring yer coal
His Private Opinion.-'What is your idea of the
future nfe?" asked the youth.
1T is either thing of bliss or a thing Of blis-
ter" answered the homegrown philosopher.-Chi-
cago News.
The little boys father had come home from his
office early and lying down for a nap before
dinner. The little lads mother sent him upstairs
TO see If his father was asleep. He returned with
this answer: Yes. mamma, papa is all asleep but
his nose!'
Cynical-"Pa, what is an optimism
AN optimist. my son, is person who believes
he will actually seq see time when the law will be
will he be President when he sees that time
mo. my child: he will be in an asylum "-Balti-
more American.
Yarnada Noakuma noted japanese philosopher
committed suicide by jumping into the crater OF
the Aso volcano. Thus he initiated Intentionally
or not. the end of the Greek philosopher En-
pedocles who is the subject of Matthew Arnold's
poem, 'Empedocles Etna-"
THE AUTo-CRAT.
The Auto-crat-oh. think of thas-he went a fear
He did not smile. though all the whils hs had a
He took interest in man, yet sought the human
The Auto-crat1oh. think of that-I never saw
In wreckage strewed along the road he wrote his
horrid smell were suited well TO be his epitaph.
The Auto-crat-oh. think of thati-upon his dying
The oniv word ever heard he hadn't auto saw.
twas daf9 Eaf9ien' 'A' Oeoush' ABOUT ma sad auto
The Auto-crat--oh. think OF thatl-his end WAS
I hope it hurtItwas his dssert-though II DON'T
wish 10 carp;
Perhaps he's in a sweeter land ana plays an auto
harp.
-Burges Johnson. IN Harper's weekly.
Lord Curzon. when young man. was travelling
in Corea. He was forewarned not TO admit that
he was less than forty years old. as OF less
years receives little respect IN the Hermit King
dom The president OF the Foreign Office asked
his age. and Mr.. Curzon replied. Forty Dear
me-" replied the Corean official. ''you look verv
young for that How do you account for it?' by
the fact" was the reply that have been travel
ling for a month In the superb climate OF his
majesty's doIninions" Finally the president saia.
II presume you are relative OF the Queen
OF EngiandT No" replied the traveller IT am
not But. observing the look OF disgust that
passed over his oountsnance. Mr.. Curzon added
quietly. II am. however. yet an unmarried
man"
Bacon-You say your wife does all her own cook
mgr
Egbert-fes she does her own. L take my meals
az the elub.-Yonkers Statesman NJ ~
The only venomous bird known is ths .aea,n
bird" OF New Guinea The bite of this birs 4.
said cause intense pain in all parts of the BODY
loss OF sigh. Commissions. and finally death.
Well. girls. Jack apd / to be married at
last ana happy.
did you and Jack trouble In gettfne,
your theirs consentg'
No but papa and had a lot OF trouble In get
| ting Jacks consent. It'll ~EllA.