The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1906-02-11

One Of the strongest arguments used
TO cajole bachelors out Of their blissful
state of celibacy into matrimony is the
oft-rcpcated assertion that the clothes,
linen and Hosiery of benedicks are so
we'll looked after.
When this essayist himself was young,
unsophisticated and inclined toward SEN
timent. he ofttimes dreamed OF a china
egg in the heel of his sock. and pictured
certain fairy fingers manipulating tho
combination and producing order out OF
chaos. or, more strictly speaking, a COW
ering over the hole.
But it hasn't always been that way.
China eggs have fooled many a roost-
cr's spouse. and flesh and blood wives
have fooled many a husband.
Conn,ibial bliss isn't necessarily a syno-
nym for ~well-darned socks, and there
likewise have been patient Griseldas who
baiked at putting the studs into the
bosoms of their husbands shirts.
OF such. Is the Commander-in-Chief.
That good woman will take to her
heels and run Il hundred blocks to see
that her handkerchief is applied at the
psychological moment to the running
nose of our third born; but when 1t
comes to taking to my heels with a darn
ing needlc-why, that is altogether a
different story.
She does. however, reserve the right
of being custodian Of my clothes, sole
psrticipator in the profits accruing from
the sale of my %cast-off raiment; and off,
cial supervisor of my personal appear
ance.
This latter Office Is restricted by no
limitations as to her right Of free speech.
or rather. free criticism. She is a para
gon OF frankness where my personal ap-
pearance is involved. and will pounce on
that portion Of my anatomy Just under
my chin with the speed OF n swoopins
eagle when my black shoe-string tic goes
awry or my turn-down collar seems too
large for my crawny neck.
And these proprietary rights, too, are
exercised In polite society as II I we're
Il teething infant instead Of a compare
lively toothless adult.
In the matter of %cravats. 1t will be
observed that most women tend towards
being oflcious so far as their husbands
are concerned. They one and all incline
to banker after rich wallpaper effects
and parIor carpet designs for masculine
neckwear, though never yet was that
husband born who didn't attempt to kick
out of the traces when he came to be
harnessed up with a cravat OF his wife's
selection.
And although the stockings that litter
up our nursery floor AVE long since en-
crossed the attention OF the Queen Bees
darning needle to the utter exclusion
OF tho nut-broWn hose this writer wears,
tho good woman even to-day would fain
see me climb into blue poIka-dot hose
or lisle-thread creations cmbellished by
feur-de-lys or elaborate clocks.
Oncc she gave me a Titan red pair
socks, not ~clocks-with black and blue
stripes thereon, n when l crossed Broad
Street In q rain-storm and had to expose
them, 1t was as embarra ssing as IL the
BUTTON of each leg OF my trousers tllad
been ornamented with a Scotch High
landers' plaid.
Although every man secretly delights
to sec his wife arrayed In purple and fine
linen-hguratiyely speaking. Of course.
rs this ground-hos weather is rather
chilly for the real article--the average
male wants only the results accom-
plislled in this line. and becomes infu-
rated when ways and means are dis
cussed. He would nave woman bloom
out without visible p%reliminaries. like the
paper flowers on the stage. and hates the
very name Of dress-maker.
But the daughters Of Eve, sartorially
speaking, are intensely analytical, and,
when interfering with their husbands
IA iiS L q ~ SkAS vi
their ~ofhciousness with the very raw pro-
ducts from which the habiliments are
wrought, sN
For example, the Queen Bee. II she
knew l was going to have a wooden
suit made, would feel a strong incllna-
ton to go out into the field and bulldoze
the sheep whose fleece was to produce
the cloth, And she'd contemporary say
.Bah!" to the sheep II the ~critter offered
any explanations or excuses. Most likely,
too, she would accuse the animal OF eat
ing cotton hollis In order to produce a
spurious article In the way OF wool.
Then she'd hie herself down town and
Intimidate the tailor by charging that
he was trying to fleece me. And once
the clothes got home. and their owneI
got into them, she'd descant on the
drollness of the wretcled possessor ant
swear that the coat fitted the unhappy
soul like tho toga of a Roman senator
All of which must be borne with meek
ness and humility Of spirit, for 1t woult
be efremlnate in n man to be sensitiv,
about his habiliments.
unhapplls for this poor mortal, to sa,
nothing of the feminine contingent In hi
home. his |inclinations all are toward
old clothes and shabbiness--yea. no In
Nariably exhibits the greatest diifldenc
even towards getting a hair cut. Thes,
delihluencies invariably call forth a cur
tain bombnrdment nfter polite societ.
has been encountered. and bring on I'M
comfortable dreams about frock coats
high hats, sttrchy shirts, spotless cuffs
dunn the man That Invented cuffs, any
how,--and shoes, glistening under the in
huence of perennial shines.
And, there are other noble, %fcttcre