Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922, 1906-09-16
RlPE RULEs zen TRAVELLERS



IT have been sndding about this glorious
republic quite a while" said the travelling
man. and n is only showing ordinary hui
man intelligence when ! say that have
formed few ideas as to how things ought
70 be done.
For instance, have used book after
book OF the mileage issued by the various
passenger trafic associations ana individ-
ual railway companies. and have made my
head ache over the instructions to users
on the covers Of those books. As an inn
provement on the usual list 6f rules ana
regulations 1 have drafted the following
and submitted them TO the Central Passen-
ger association at Chicago:
WESTERN 2OOo MILE TICKET.
Form Q. No. 2sE67s9.
"'Good only when oficialIy stamped and
accompanied by the original purchaser and
ten witnesses who own real estate In Chi
cago, and who win swear they know that
the owner OF the mileage book came Of
healthy parents and Is not going under an
assumed name.
Void for passage IL any finger marks
get on the cover or II the rubber band be-
comes loose on II.
Good on the following lines:
'Antilxamnia. Tepioca ana Centipede
railway. GOOD only on points where no
body would ride without Inducements in
the form, Of a reduction.)
Cheap and Easily Interrupted railway.
Between any two points which this road
does not run.)
Cold and Winter railway. CNot good
between Hawaii and Guam)
Chop. Mutilate and Stick People rail-
way.
Charitable, Real Intalligent and Polite
railway. Not good between any points
mentioned in the companys folder.)
Give Nothing railway. Between all
towns, except where the trains of this line
stop on flag or otherwise. or where it would
De OF any convenience to the passengers
Mangle Passenger railway. ION and
south Of the Missouri river, wherever that
stream runs north or northwest.
Not Pacihed railway. Between BerinR
Straits and Kamschatka, unless the road
should ever be built there which Il wont.
at least until after this book has been
usedN.
'Totter, Pitch and wabble railway.
This ticket is good for bearer. as n
souvenir only. and will be honored for mas
sage very seldom. But the constant mvs-,
terry as to where It can be used adds much
Interest to travel.
L. III this ticket Is wholly used by the
same person within an ordinary lifetime he
- emitted TO Carnegie medal and a re-
tund OF cent per mile for all he has been
aoie TO use against the conductors wishes.
Ii the fact that he used It legally can be
established to the satisfaction of the com
pany. and, after. being carried up to the
supreme court. the claim is stiIl sustained.
the bearer, II still living, will be given the
associations promissory note for thirty
days. during which II will go into the
hands Of a receiver
2 No refund will be paid on this ticket
H. for any reason ourselves assigned, we
see At not to.
whenever the ticket is presented for
passage the holder thereof must hide under
the seat and thus escape the probable on
slaught Of the conductor. II, after emerr
ing. he can prove. by twelve witnesses IN
that trains that IL teach of the witnesses
can likewise prove his own identity. the
holder will be permitted to sign his name
stating. also his age. nationality, habits
address at present ana for the next 1--WE
years after which. RI there is a notary
public on the train to take his AFFIDAVIT, the
passenger win be allowed to keep his seat
unless the conductor happens to be bilious.
T. one coupon shall be detached f5r.
ever mile the company says II Is. except
shall have. five of his coupons pulled out
ana be otherwise maltreated and mutt
lated. '- =" FEIi
5. No portion OF this mileage book win
be accepted II detached by any one excent
the conductor. All coupons pulled out by
the engineer. fireman. brakeman. car~wiper
or newsboy VIII be at risk of the bearer
as is everything else
g, This ticket entities the bearer IN
passage only on trains whose crews care
to be bothered with it. Trains are subject
to changes OF crews and notions without
notice
Z. II this ticket is lost, mislaid or
stolen, the association will be glad to hear
from you. 1t nearly dies laughing over
such things and your notification would be
greatly appreciated
ia company selling this book has
no business to do #. and IL we hear about
II the money will be collected from the
company and the book taken up by the first
conductor to whom 1t is presented Chi
cago News.