, 1906-02-07
BILL NYE'S APosTRoPHE
TO The NOCTURNAL COW.


With the opening up OF my spring
movements in the agricultural line
comes the COW.
Laramie has about seven ows that
annoy me a good deal. They work me
up so that l lose my equanimity.
have mentioned this matter before, but
this spring the trouble seems to have
assumed some new features. The pre-
vailing COW for this season seems to
be a seal-brown COW with a stub tail,
which is arranged as a night-key. She
wears it banged.
The other day l had just planted my
celluloid radishes and irrigated my roy
al Bengal turnips n sown my hunt
|ing-case summer squashes, and this
COW went by trying to convey the i'm
lpression thai she was out for a walk.
That night the blow fell. The queen
of night was high in the blue vault of
heaven amid the twinkling stars. All
nature was hushed to repose. The peo-
pie of Laramie were in their beds. So
were my hunting-case summer
lsquashes. l heard a stealthy step near
the conservatory where my celluloid
radishes and picked beets are growing.
and l rose.
g
1t was a lovely sight. AT the head
of the procession there was a seal
brown COW with a tail like the handle
on a pump, and standing at an angle
of forty-five degrees.
That was the COW.
Following at a rapid gait was a be-
witching picture of a~labaster limbs and
Gothic joints and Wamsutta muslin
might robe.
That was me.
The queen of night withdrew behind
a cloud.
The vision seemed to break her all
up.
Bye and bye there was a crash, and
the seal-brown COW went home carry
ing the garden gate with her as a kind
of keepsake, She had a plenty of gar
den gates at home in her collection,
but she had none of that particular pat
tern. So she wore it home around her
meek.
The writer of these lines then care
fully brushed the sand off his feet with
la pillow sham and retired to rest.
When the bright May morn was ush-
cred in upon the busy world the radish
and squash bed had melted into chaos
and there only remained some sticks
of stove wood and the tracks of a COW,
interspersed with the dainty little foot
prints of some Peri or other who evil
IDENTIFY stepped about four yards at a
lick. and could wear a number nine
shoe if necessary.
Yesterday morning it was very cold,
and when l went out to feed my royal
self-acting hen, l found the same COW
wedged into the hen coop. o, blessed
opportunity! o, thrice blessed and
~long-sought revenge!
Now l had her where she could not
back out, and secured a large picket
from the fence, and took my coat off,
and breathed in a full breath. l did
not want to kill her, 1 simply wanted
to make her wish that she had died of
membranous Group when she was
young.
While l was splitting on my hands
she seemed to catch my idea, but she
saw how hopeless was her position. |
brought down the picket with the con
densed strength and eagerness and
wrath of two long suffering years. 1t
struck the corner of the hen house.
There was a deafening crash and then
all was still, save the low. ripping
laugh of the COW, as she stood in the
alley and encouraged me while l nail
ed up the hen-house again.
Looking back over my whole life, it
seems to me that it is strewn with
nothing but the rugged ruins of my
busted anticipations.-Bill Nye.
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