The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1906-11-14

| edge on but as FIR gOin down an out
| nix it hain't in tn kag f'r me no more
| You try me an see. You may have
lot O. booze aroun' here, but you can
| git me soused. Betcha anythin' yo'
can't Dare you t git me sousedt'
! DR.. Wiley didn't take the dare.
| II am very busy he said, cracklinl
| some papers that lay on his desk. ''ant
| if you'll be good enough to excus
| me-
| We'll, say, Doc" wheedlingly sug
| gested the man with the glass lining
leaning over the desk, 'if y hahn
| a-goin' t take me on, can't y stake
| me t. two bits or somethfn' FIR me
| trouble in comm all tn way up here?'
| DR.. Wiley couldn't see any other way
of getting rid of that one except BY
giving up the two bits.
A 300 pound brewery wagon driver
out of a job wanted to have the guam
tity thing all Strengthened out and put
on record before he'd commit himself
as on out and out applicant for mem
bership in the booze squad.
Il hear y'r goin' t serve out beer t
yr BUNCH he said to the chemist as
he leaned bu1gingly over the 1atters
utSh HOW IiuCn Dt0E 10 tiIcS ~
apiece day?''
We'll, I should suppose that seven
or eight bottles apiece a day would be
sufficient to enable me to carry on the
Investigation replied the chemist.
Seven or eight scuttles!" exclaimed
the candidate. his face the picture of
establishment and chagrin. well, I'm
On me way and he started off. wy,
that wouldn't be enough for me t
brush me teet' witt Wen 1 had me
job at I'll malt works I never covered
up less'n a hunnered shells day an
on hot days it d take two hunnered
high hats t keep me tonsils from dry
in up an BLOWN away. Six Or seven
or eight bottles a day, hey, says you?
wy, say. I could lick up that much
paregoric without feelin it an eat ,-ot
gingerbread atop of it, and that one
numbered out of the chemists office
with disappointment placarded all over
him.
One of the applicants was a nervous
little man who appeared to be flicker
ing close TO the invisible line of de-
marcation between Authorizations and
the out and out jimjams.
''Of course I'll serve on your COM
mittee, sir he said generously to DR..
Wiley before the chemist had a chance
to state that he wasn't organizing his
corps just yet, but I'd like to have
your promise as to one thing
What's that?" asked the chemist
This isn't any cure thing, is it 90 in
quired the nervous little man, looking
furtively around the office. It's not
just put up job to cure people of the
liquor habit, I hope? After reading
about this thing last evening 1 dream
ed last night that the whole business
was just scheme of the Government s
to stop folks from drinking liquor, and
I dreamed that the liquor you intended
to serve out would be doped with some
of the cure stuff and"
Don't worry-it will all be doped
with the kill stuff, certain enough" put
in the chemist reassuringly, and then
the nervous little man insisted that
his name and address be taken down
so that he could be sent for just as
soon as the rum squad was in process
of organization.
You wouldn t care to be cured of
the drinking habit, then7' suggested
DR.. Wiley as the nervous little man
was about to pass out.
We'll, you see, - replied the candi- |
date with all the solemnity in the world !
and without even the symptom of a +!
smile, So We already been cured four |
teen times in the last nine years, and |
as between the cures and the booze |!
/ II take the booze. Anyhow, / haven It !
got much left now except my thirst and
If | were to lose that where'd be the
fun and what d be the use7''
DIR. Wiley was compelled to stand
mute under such profound philosophy,
and the nervous thirst cherisher went
his way.
ond day that DR.. Wiley concluded to
station the messenger outside of his
door. A man whose face was the color
of Paraguayan famingo shambled in
to the chemist s office late in the after
noon, and this is the way he addressed
DR.. Wiley, starting off andante and dis
passionate and winding up allegro and
crescendo:
- am fish. | was little bit of
shrimp swimming in brackish creek,
but now | am fish. A great fish
am the biggest fish in the seas, the
seven seas. But all the seas, the seven
seas, have now dried up, and I am
on the miry ocean bed | am
a fish raging with thirst. l am the
ragingest and thirstiest mighty fish ever
stranded on the ocean s miry bed. |
could drink up eight OctilliOn Bays of
Bombay and still be athirst. | am a
A fish that needs drink
Whee! Vow Now ! m becoming
shark. A tiger shark! Don t wave that
blade at me, you swordtishi Don t ink
up my ocean for me, you devil fish,
Don t spout at me, whale! Fishy-fsh
fish fsh-that s me? Whee-
Ow! | am a
The man had 'em. The chemist saw
that clearly, or thought he saw it. He
rushed to his cabinet, pulled out bot
tie and staked his visitor to a long,
long drink.
The mightiest fish of the seven seas
came to suddenly after gulping the
drink, wiped off his mouth with his
coat sleeve, grinned affably, and start
ed out At the door he halted and turn
ed to the chemist still grinninp ami