The Washington times., 1906-08-05

TO entertain. He was fond
OF likening his suite OF Office rooms
10 the bottom OF a ship. The rooms
were three in number, with a door
opening from one TO another. These
doors could also be closed.
ships" Lawyer Gooch would say.
"are constructed for safety. with
senarate, water-tight compartments In
their bottoms. II one compartment
springs 4 leak 81 fills with water: but
the good ship goes on unhurt. Were
Il not for the separating bulkheads one
leak would sink the vessel. Now. IL
often happens that while I am occu-
pied with clients. other clients with
conflicting interests call. With the as
sistance OF Archibald-an ONCE boy
with a future-I cause the dangerous
influx 20 be diverted into separate COM
partments. while I sound with my legal
plummet the depth OF each. II neces-
sary. they may be baled out into the
hallway and permitted TO escape by
the way Of the stairs. which we may
term the lee scuppers. Thus the good
ship Of business IS kept afioat: whereas
II the element that supports her were
allowed to mingle freely in her hold
We might be swamped-ha- IA, ha!'
The law is dry. Good Jokes are few.
Surely ii might be permitted Lawyer
Cooch 10 mitigate the bore OF briefs.
the tedium OF torts. and the prosiness
of processes with even so light levy
upon the good property OF humor!
Lawyer Gooch's practice leaned
largely 10 the settlement OF marital
infeucllies. Did .matrimOny ianguish
ha
soothed. and arbitrated. Did II suffer
from implications. ne readiusted. de-
Tended and championed Did IL arrive
at the extremity OF applications. he
always got light sentences for his
clients.
But not always was Lawyer GooCh
the keen. armed. willy belligerent.
ready. with his two-edged sword TO
l3p of the shackles of Hymen. He
had been known 20 build up instead OF
demoHshing. TO reunite instead OF sew
ering. 10 lead erring and foolish ones
back into the fold Instead or scatt"r-
ing the flock often had he by his
eloquent and moving appeals sent hus-
band and wife. weeping, back into
each others arms. Frequently he had
coached childhood so successfully that
at the psychological momeSt (and al
a given signaD the plaintive pipe OF
Papa. won't you tum home adam 10
me and muvver?' had won the day
and upheld the pillars of tottering
home
Tnprejudiced persons admitted that
Lawyer GOocu received as big fees
from these rc-yoked clients as would
have been paid him had the cases been
Hr.-H HHrHr.
iutimated that his fees were doubled.
because the peniteut couples always
came back later for the divorce. any
how.
There came a season I'm June when
the legal ship OF Lawyer Gooch tto
borrow his own ngurel was nearly be-
caImed The divorce mill grinds slow
Iy III June II is the month Of Cupid
and Iiymen
Lawyer Gooch. then. sat idle In tho
middle Of the room of his chenuess
suite A small antcroOm connected
ur rather separated-this apartment
from the hallway. Here was stationed
Archibald. who wrested from visitors
-htir cards or oral nomenclature which
he bore 10 his master while they
waited
suddenly. on this day. there came
great knocking at the Outermost door.
A-ehibaId opening Il, was thrust
aside as superfiuous by the visitor.
who without due reveCenCe, al once
penetrated To .ae office of Lawyer
Gooch and threw himself with good
uatured insolence into comfortable
chair facing that gentleman.
You are Phineas G. GoOch, attor-
nev al laEe" said the visitor, his tone
OF voice and infection making his
words at once a question, an assertion,
and an accusation
Before committing himself by "a re-
plv. The lawyer estimated his possible
client in one of his brief but shre"d
and calculating glances.
The man was of the emphatic tvpe-
.arse-sIzad active. bold. and debonair
IN demcanor. vain havOud a doubt.
slightly sNagserin- ready and az ease.
lie was well clothed but with shade
too much ornatcneSs. He was seeking
"a LAWYER: but If that fact would seem
20 saddle him with troubles they were
not patent In his beaming eye and
coura geous air.
nv name o. Gooch." al length the
lawyer admitted. Upon pressure he
wou... al.o have confessed 20 the
Phineas G.. But he did not consider it
good practice 10 volunteer information.
81 did not receive your card. he con-
tiuued. by way Of rebuke, so -
Il know YOU didn't" remarked the
visitor, coolly; "and you won't Just vet.
Light upg" He threw a leg over an
arm OF his chair: and tossed a handful
of rjch-hued ci~7rs upon the table.
Lawyer Gooch. knew the brand He
thawed just enough 20 accept the invi-
tation 90 smoke
''Nou are a divorce lawyer" said the
cardlcsS visitor. This time there was
no Interrogation in his voice. Nor did
his words constitute a simple assertion.
They formed charge-a denunciatlon
AS one would " 70 dog: You are
a dog" Lawyer Gooch was silent un-
der the imputatIon.
You handle" continued the visitor.
.au the various ramihcations of bust
ed-up conuubialit-- You are a surgeon,
we might sav. who extracts Cupids
darts when he shoots EN- into the
wrong parties. You furnish patent. in
candescent lights for premises where
the torch OF Hymen has burned so low
YOU can't Fght a cigar az H. Am 1
rirht Mr.. GooCh?"
u have undertaken eases said tho
LAWYER. gUardCdly. ''in the line 70
which your ngrlrative speech seems 10