Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1906-03-11

be standing with steam up on side track.
The House must give attention, the public
business must pause, the stenographers
must work overtime For the Honorable
Thetus Willrette Personal Privilege SINS
would rise and snort a few.
Ladies and gentlemen, the Honorable
Thetus Willrette p. 2. hardly needs an
introduction. For is he not member OF
the District committee? Is he not a hard
worker. Is he not the author of a gilt
edged automobile speed bill? Why, just
ask any automobile owner in Washingto on
his opinion of the Honorable Thetus Will
rette p. P. He will tell you. He will seem
to enjoy telling you. He may be arrested
for disorderly conduct while he is describ-
ing to you the virtues OF the Honorab bic
Thetus Wllrette P. P. It's a cinch that
the air will smell of birthstone after he has
concluded his remarks. But that, after
all, is beside the question. Enthusiasm
should not be measured by d smell.
Ladies and gentlemen, it's not every one
who knows why the Honora bic Thetus
Wiilrette 2. z. chose to become an auto
mobile regulator List. while | tell the
tale One morning not so very long ago
the Honorable Thetus Willrette p 2 was
proceedings up the avenue. The sidewalks
are narrow; cellar gratings are treacherous
things; the Honorable Thetus Wilrettc P
p. chose the middle Of the street
Up the avenue in a northerly direction
proceeded the Honorable Thems Willrette
z. p. He was steamng ahead at fun
y
Up the avenue in a nOrtherIy direction pro-
ceeded 2}O-horse-power motor car 1t was
steamlng ahead at half speed at the rate
Of sixty miles hour.
The suspense was terrible Spectators
turned away! Strong men sobbed, Wom-
en- tainted.
There was a frightful crash! There was
a moment when the air was full of things
And then, indignant and outraged, the Hon
orable Thetus Wilrette p. ?. stood alone
midst the spllntered wreckage OF what had
been a 2OJ-horse-power, $4,000 motor car
moment he stood there, while three
blocks away q shattered chauffeur and a
bloated millionaire We're being tenderly
cared for. Then he spoke:
Gosh hang it," he cried. in the liquid
accents OF Linden, Tenn, there's a snag
in my Sunday pants
Ladies and gentlemen, wouldst snuggle
into the affections of the Honorable Thetus
WiIlrette p P? Wouldst know him better?
Wouldst move him from his calm of states
manship? Then steal up behind him and
ring a bell. Or if you prefer, then blow
a horn. The Honorable Thetus Willrette
will be moved.
Didst ever see an elephant snuggle his
tender trunk around the business end of a
Pittsburg stogie? Didst ever see a playful
puppy nibbling at a cannon cracker in proc
ess of dissolution? These things will be as
Lothlng TO the aftermath of the jingle or
the blow For the Honorable Thetus Will
Iotte has not forgotten the snag in his
Sunday pants. Not by no means.
Or ladies and gentlemen, If you would
cause an agitation more mental than physi-
cal, then crawl up behind the Hon. Thetus
Willrette and make a noise like a stock
ticker. You will get action. | know, for |
have tried IL. He was stirred
Gosh hang it," cried the Honorable The
tus Willrette p. p. he swabbed his
steaming brow with a kerchief of color
popular In Linden, Tenn" cotton Is going
down again" And he will make running
motions In the directions of a place where
there are figures spraddled on board. For
such things interest the Honorable Thetus
WiIlrctte Personal Privilege Sims