Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1906-10-11
MR.. DOOLEY ON THE
POWER OF THE PRESS
From the American Magazine)

NloHl INC american MuSHZlne)
"A few years ago." said Mr.. Dooloy 81
thought that if had Il son I'd make a
lawyer of him. 1t was the fine profession.
Tn lawyers took all tn money and held
all the Jobs
But it's far different now, Hnnlssey
III l had son tits little time I'd spend
larnin' him what some dead Engllshman
thought Thomas jefferson was goin' to
mean whin he wrote tn Constitution No
sir, whn me son an heir was years old
an had read all tn best classical au-
thors firm Dcadwood Dick to or Slcuth
tn detective I'd put a pencil in his hand
an shove I'm out into tn wurruld as
a gr-great iditor. | wud so FIR tn law
yers ARE too busy studyin' baby as cor
pus proceedH's to do anything else.
an tits tn Palajeem iv our Liberties
that is runnin' tn country an is goin to
run 1t FIR a long time to come.
whats tn use " lawyer anyhow?
If | get 81 good wan we may hire bet
Their. TIL more money n man has tn bet
thter lawyer he can get. but tn moro
money a man has tn worse iditor he's
liable to get. All amy lawyer can do is
to holler ut another lawyer. All a judge
can do is to look unpleasant an dhrop
off into dreams just at tn time whin tn
most exctin Evidence In yerc favor Is
bein' put in. No. sir. lawyers an judges
don't amount to anything lis tn
twelve good men an th-ue dragged firm
butcher shop an grocery store that de-
cides. IT'S tn intillegent jury ~ ye'c-
peers or verse that tells We whather ye
must put in tn rest iv ye'cr days stickin
paper insoles into ready made shoes or
! in opt
Tn lawyers make tn law tn Judges
make tn errors. but tn iditors make tn
juries
| so whin ye'rc landed downstairs in tn
polls station an ye sind FIR yeer friends
we say to thin: Boys ye needn't troll
bic ye'crsilf about what lawyer We get
so long as he's cheap but do ye go down
to tn lditor an tell him that tn cause
~ humar freedom is on thrile undher
tn nom dc ploom iv Malachi Hinnissy,'
says ye. An whin We come up f'r thrile
tn lawyer tells We tn case looks bad Err
ye. but he'll thry to save yc; an We give
him tn wing an set serene, fr we'll yc
know that ivry wan ~ thin sworn bool-
warks " justice facn' We has been told
ivry day f'r two months that It is in
sanity but not crime to steal a ham. an
over TIL honest heart ~ each ~ thin is
a copy " the Daily Kazoo offcrin' sen
son ticket to tn baseball game to tn
Juror that gives tn best reason why tn
poplar Malachi Hinnissy shud be ac-
quilted (Cut out this coupon). An afther
tn lawyers on both sides has pounded tn
furniture to pieces an tn Judge has read
n little composition on larceny firm III
third reader. tn jury gives roar ~ not
guilty an adiourns with tn judges. tn
bar an tn prsner to tn office ~ m
Kazoo to have their pitchers taken. Ie
put in tn next three weeks writin' about
ye'er sufferlngs an afthcr that we get
n good Job as wan w tn contributors &c
tn flreside frind "rh Thrle ~ Luke
McGlue as Seen Be Malachi Hinnissy
who was wanst acquitted ~ stealin' 8
ham TIL Hankerbilk wedding described
be Hnnissy. tn wellknown pork burg
lar a night at TIL theaytre be tn no
, toryous n rneSsy.' What Hinnessy who
got away with tn ham thinks " Hin
: merry James " coorse ye'er career Is
short lived. Tn favrites " tn Foorth
estate. as Hogan says. don't last long
Afther awhile ye'er place on IT, staff Is
, taken be some wan more desarvin'. fe
give way to tn riv'rend Jefferson Pether-
son or Nan Patterson. TIL column thai
We WanSt adorned lS taken / III C'ohlH
receipts ~ lady iust acquitted " poi
soning her husband. But yc've had zee,
good day an if ye'd relied on lawyer
, we'd be settn' on tn side " road will
, thirty pounds iv hardware cr yc'er ank
, les foolishly beatin' a lump IL rock will
hammer.
That's what tn Press can do FIR thin
It loves. But I like it better f'r what Il
can hand TO thin it don't love. Maybe
tn idtor is onto We. An we're arrested
= f'r lookin' longinGly a ham on easter
= Sunday. We might rs we'll go an have
o ye'er hair Gu. an save throuble f'r tn
, prison barber.
t Eyes sir says he. th' hand tina
rocks tn fountain pen is tn hand tina
S rules tn wurruld. tn press IS fr tn
: whole universe what Muligan was f.
: his beat He was tn best polishman an
, tn worst I liver knew. He was terror
. to evildoers whG he was sober an
terror to ivrybody whin he was drunk
5 Martin. ! drink to tn la-ads all Owe
e tn wurruld who use tn printers Ink
p May they not put too much Nv tn r-re'
, stuff in it an may 1t niver 80 to the!
= heads"
n Feel languid weak. run down
- - l. al "a y