davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The daily telegram. [volume] (Clarksburg, W. Va.) 1901-1926, 1906-07-24
SEEING a JOKE.
Gonetfrnes one nay He DIseOVeFeA
where IL Does Not Exist.

Gnmetfuaea One Hay He DIsoOVeRe4
where IL Does Not Exist.
A Joke depends almost entirely on it1
environment for appreciation. Lots Of
eur Jokes would fall mighty fat,
guess, In zuiuland or SEberiu, just tho
same rs the funny stories Of these
countries would be n dead weight over
hS-e. Every country has fits own par
t:cuIar L=uud of humor, ann to appre-
cIate It to tie full you must have been
born In that country or lived there foE
many years. The LapIanders appear
to us to be a pretty solemn race, but
dare say they have their little jokes
about the quality OF the oil they some
times have to drink, and other subjects
interesting to their mode of living
In every country, too, there Is a GER
tain percentage of the people who
couldn't see a joke however broad II
might be. There are humorously dur
people In Ireland as well as humorous
Iy bright people In Scotland. Why
some time ago received a letter from
an IrIsbman saying that he had read
al my books from cover to cover, and
ne considered they were the most Sc
rious things ever published BE thought
most OF the stories would go fine II
they were dramatized and put on the
stage in the form of tragedies.
AS to the British sense Of humoE be
ing less keen than the American,
there's nothing in it. English men and
women are Just rs quick to see joke
rs we are-sometimes a good deal
quicker, and know never want more
appreciatfve audiences than those got
In London. Why, they'd start laughing
before I began, and when I'd come on
to the platform and look at them In
solemn kind of wny some of them
would double up with merrIment-
Sometimes, however. anticipation Is
a bit awkward-as, for instance, when
4 humorous lecturer being unable to
appear his place was taken by min
lister who wished to discourse on thu
evils of incompetence. The audience,
It appears, was not Informed Of the
change (there might have been 4 rtoti
and when the good man came on the
platform and stated that his subject
for the evening would be the curse OF
rum those present went into conYn
sIons OF merriment. Tho moro grnve
and solemn the lecturer became the
more the people rolled on their seats IN
ecstaslos OF mlrth until ut last the aR
tonished divine closed his book with
bang and retired. Now, dare say II
Ehnt case the real lecturer would hard
" have created SO much amusement a.
did bis substitute, which proves that
humorist with a reputation has some
thing OF n pull over the unknown rnAE.
though the latter may really be fuD
nier.--Nark Twain.
The daily telegram. [volume] (Clarksburg, W. Va.) 1901-1926, 1906-07-24
Treafinp WronQ d..

Many times women call on their family
phYsleions, s1herings as they imagine
disease, another from liver or kidney
disease, another from nervous exhaustion
or prostEat ton, another with pain here and
alike to themselves and their easy-going
and Indifferent, or oYer-buSy doctor, sep
aEat0 and distinct diseases, for which he,
Pills and potions. In reality, they are ali
only symptoms caused by some uterine
disease. The physician, ignorant OF the
cause OF suffering, encourages this prac-
tiee until large bills are made. The suf-
ferinR patient gets no better, but probably
worse, by reason Of the delay, wrong
A proper medicine Ike DR.. Pierce's Fa-
Vorit8 Prescription, directed 70 the Gauss
would have entirely removed the disease
thereby dispelling al those distressing
symptoms, and fnstituting comfort In
stead Of prolonged misery II has been
ven said, that "a disease known Is half
DR.. Pieroe's Favorite Prescription IS q
scientific medicine, carefully devised By
an experienced and skillfpl physician
and adapted TO woman's delicate system:
n q made Of native medicinal roots and
e perfectly harmless In its effects fII any
condition Of the system.
As powerful tnytgOrating tonic SFR-
yorits Prescription tmparts strength to
the whole system and to the organs dis
anctly feminine In particular. For over
worked, SW0rn-out,s rundown debtlt-
tated teachers, milIiners, dreSSmRkers,
seamStreSses, sShop girls" house-keepers,
nursing mothers, and feeble women gem
orally, DR.. Pierce's Favorfte Prescription
Is the greatest earthly boon. being un-
equaled as an appetizing cordial and re-
6torative tonic.
As q soothing and strengthening nerv-
Inc SFayortte Prescription Is unequaled
and Is Invaluable In allaying and sub
DUNG nervous reliability, irritabtlity,
nervous exhaustion, nervous proStration,
neuralgia, hySteriR, spRsms, chorea, 81.
Vitus'S dance, and other distressing, nerv-
Gus symptoms commonly attendant upon
functional and organic disease OF the
uterus It induces refreshing sleep and
relieves mental anxiety and dependency.
DR.. Pierce's Pleasant Pellets inytgorata
the stomach, liver and bowels. One 70
three q dose Easy to take rs candy.
The daily telegram. [volume] (Clarksburg, W. Va.) 1901-1926, 1906-07-24


There are magnificent harbors In
old world which have been dug ont OF
shallow sIoughs and sIuggish dibshes.
me Eibe ut Hamburg Is naFrOW and
insignificant stream compared with the
great rivers of this western world
Yet for some score Of miles down the
Elbe from Hamburg to the sea this
rivers shores are lined with the sea
going craft &C all the maritime nations
Of the world. Where Glasgow Is stu
ated, on the Clyde, that stream was
once what Is. known In America as "a
creek" Yet the Clyde has been dredg-
ed out until today the leFia1hans OF
peace and war, the great sea monsters
OF the transatlantic lines, the creations
Of the great captains OF the shipbuild-
Ing industry, are built and launched
there monih after month, year after
year. So marrow y the Clyde at Glas-
cow that these ahIpg, some of them
I'VE and six hundred feet In length,
cannot be launched head to the stream,
as is the custom. but are launched
broRdsfde on for feshr they should run
their bows into the opposite bank
Argonaut k-..,
The daily telegram. [volume] (Clarksburg, W. Va.) 1901-1926, 1906-07-24
n aad It's origin In Venice IN the
SIxteeLSh Century.

n aad Ies origin In Venice In the
SIxteeLSh Century.
About the year 1910 an uniGnowE
Venetian lady first conceived the happ,
,dea Of carrying ''fazzolettS." and
was not long befor- her example wa
vvIdelv followed throughout Inly. Thu
handkerchief then crossed tho Alps int
France, where its use was immediately
adopted by the lords and ladies' Of
Henry IFS court.
The handkerchief OF that PERIOD "ai
an article of the greatest luxury: II
was made of the most costly fabrics
and was srnamanted with the rarcsf
enbroIdcries. In the reign OF Henry
III. It began to be pertnmed and re
cefved the name of ''mOucholr de We
nus" It was not until 1880 TINT tbs
handkerchief made it's way into Ger
many, and then its use was long con-
Gned 60 princes and persons of great
wealth. 1t was made the object OF
sumptuary laws, and an edict publish
ed Mt Dresden in 1865 forbade It's use
by the people at large.
Slowly. but surely. however the vul-
aarizatiou of the pocket handkerchief
has been accomplished, and today even
The humbIest Is superior in one IND
portant respect to Petrarch and Laura
DANTE and Beatrice. who, 1t Is some'
what painful to. think. lived in a pro
handkerchief aRe.-London Standard
The daily telegram. [volume] (Clarksburg, W. Va.) 1901-1926, 1906-07-24

II you are cooking fish. ham or any
thing else that makes a. strong odor, or
Il something has boiled over or burned
In the oven. scatter a little coffee on
top of the stove or on a hot griddle
and LET It burn The odOr of the coffee
viii be much stronger than the others
and far more agreeable. It will not do
any harm on the stove. SO let it burn
up and II necessary carry some through
the house on hot pan. This IS betteE
than the old methn[F q burning sugar
The daily telegram. [volume] (Clarksburg, W. Va.) 1901-1926, 1906-07-24

r.. Ward, of Dyersburg, Tenn.
writes: eHThis is to certify that ]
have used Orino Laxative Fruit Sy-
rup for chronic constipation, and il
has proven, without a doubt, to be
a thorough, practical remedy for this
trouble, and it is with pleasure !
offer my conscientious reference.
Sold by Sturm & Wilson
The daily telegram. [volume] (Clarksburg, W. Va.) 1901-1926, 1906-07-24
Deadly Serpent Bites.

Are as common in India as are
stomach and liver disorders with us
S. a. Brown, of Bennettsville, S. O..
says: fThey restored my wife to
perfect health, after eyars of suffer
ing with dyspepsia and chronically
bladder disorders. Sold on guaran-
tee by F. G. Bland, druggist. Price
so cents.
The daily telegram. [volume] (Clarksburg, W. Va.) 1901-1926, 1906-07-24

FOR RENT-Two-story brick
business building with basement.
store room and six rooms with bath,
suitable for dwelling. Large stor-
age room on rear of lot, Address
Charles johnson, Redwood, W. Va,
or call at Telegram Office j11tf
WANTED-Capable while girl to
do housework and ironing, no
cooking. Address EW," care OF
Telegram Office. Jloh'
The daily telegram. [volume] (Clarksburg, W. Va.) 1901-1926, 1906-07-24
RAILROAD.
cLARksauRe. u. "a.
Daily. Daily except Sunday.
z Sunday only.
MAIN LIE. RAsTBoUND.


MAIN LuEEs EAsTBoUND.
Cumberland, Washington, Balti-
more, Philadelphia and New
York, Depart e3.52s am %5.35
pm. 1885 pm.
Arrive "12.53 am e9.be an.
%72S pm.
Grafton Accom-, Depart 80 % an.
x7.1S pm. Arrive f7.S6 am,
x3.4o pm, 1902 pm.
MARI LINE, WRsTBoUND.
Parkersburg, Cincinnati, Bouisy'l'es
& st. Louis, Depart "12 So ara,
%9.5S 9.m., H7.SS pm. Arrive
1889 am, %5s35 pm, 1915 pm
Parkersburg Accom- Depart ~ &c
am, x3.40 pm. Arrive ; 1923
am, x7-1s pm, 1906 pm
W. VA. q PITTS, NoRTHBoUED.
ConnellsviIle and Pittsburg, depart
x6.15 d. m, z10.25 a. m. xI0 SO
am. Arrive x3.3o pm, x11.05
Kills pm, x11.05 pm
Fairmont and Morgnntown, Depart
x6.15 am, z10G25 ana 1000
am, x4.0O pm, z7.05 pm. Ar
TlNE 4Os-tO hsAA-g Ao-Hso eAsAAAsg $780,
pm, x4-00 pm, x11.o5 pm
W. va. & PITTS, soUTHBoUND.
Weston, Depart x6.00~a-m-, 1000
am, x11-25 am, 400 pm,
Arrive x6.f5 am, 1905 ana
z9.40 am, 200 pm, x7.05 Pm.
z7.05 pm
Pickens, Depart 1900 am. z7.55
pm, Kills pm Arrive xs-55
am, z9.4O am, x7.05 pm.
Redwood and intermediate points,
Depart 1900 am, x11.S5 am,
Arrive 1900 pm, x7.05 pm.
Webster Springs, Depart x11.s5
am. Arrive x2.00 pm
WEST VA. SHORT LINE.
New Martinsville & Wheeling Ac-
com, Depart $40 am. xs.30 pm
Arrive KILLS am. *s.40 pm
The daily telegram. [volume] (Clarksburg, W. Va.) 1901-1926, 1906-07-24

FOR sALE-Smith Premier Type
writer No. 4, late style two-color
ribbon, nearly new, half price. No
2 Smith Premier, first-class eondl-
ton. Price, $40. All makes at
25 to rs per cent. off makers price
Address F. w. Shryock, Waldo ho-
tel, clarksburg, w. Va. 21j3t
The daily telegram. [volume] (Clarksburg, W. Va.) 1901-1926, 1906-07-24
me u. OF EGl

The bIIssus-Mary Ann please ex~
plain to me how It IS that saw you
IrigsInr, a ySunS man In the kitchen last
NIGHT The Maid-Sure, I dunno how It
is' rna'an, onless yeB OSere lookin'
through the keyhole.-CTeSeland Lead.
er. -L
The daily telegram. [volume] (Clarksburg, W. Va.) 1901-1926, 1906-07-24

WANTED Representative in own
community. $4,000 capital re-
anired. Good salary to right party
Bona -fide real estate proposition
Address New Martinsville Improve
ment Co., Wheeling or Steelton, w:
Va oct2otf
The daily telegram. [volume] (Clarksburg, W. Va.) 1901-1926, 1906-07-24

Learn to be pleased with everything
with wealth. so far as 1t makes Ms
beneficial to others; with poverty. FOR
set having Inlch 20 care for. and with
a5scuri:y. for being unecvied. = Plu-
arch
The daily telegram. [volume] (Clarksburg, W. Va.) 1901-1926, 1906-07-24

WANTED-An experienced SER
want to do general house and
laundry work. Reference required.
Good wages. Mrs. Harvey r.
Smith. J1tt
The daily telegram. [volume] (Clarksburg, W. Va.) 1901-1926, 1906-07-24
Constant Advice.

"a woman should always depend on
her husband for advice" said the de-
voted wife.
YES" answered the visitor, -our X
does grow monotonous not to get any
advice except to economize- -W2ant
fngton Star.
The daily telegram. [volume] (Clarksburg, W. Va.) 1901-1926, 1906-07-24

A man looks back with regret. but
without bitterness. to his lost youth;
woman. however vehement!y she may
protest to the contrary, seldom II ever
attains to this same calm sercnity.-
Gentleman's magazine.
The daily telegram. [volume] (Clarksburg, W. Va.) 1901-1926, 1906-07-24
SWEET MELODY FLoUR.

f. c. WEIGH, the plumber and gas
filter, guarantees his work. He
does it right. See him on East
Pike street. 14j1ln
The daily telegram. [volume] (Clarksburg, W. Va.) 1901-1926, 1906-07-24

Angel ChIId--Aunt Daisy, what is
meant by "a fictitious character2 ?"
Aunt Duisy-That means one that is
made M. dear. Angel Chud-oh. ycai
Then you're n fictitious character.
aren't you. auntie2
The daily telegram. [volume] (Clarksburg, W. Va.) 1901-1926, 1906-07-24

WANTED-Lady or gentleman of
fair education to travel for firm
of $3.50, 900 capital. Salary S1.o72
per year, payable weekly. Expenses
advanced. Address Geo. g. CLOVIS,
Clarksburg, w. Va. 23J3tT
The daily telegram. [volume] (Clarksburg, W. Va.) 1901-1926, 1906-07-24
lFOR. aAIiR-One fne buil

FOR sALE-One fine building
lot, 53x14o, corner Lee and Chest
mt streets; also one on Point Com
fort, 6Ox1S5, and an eight-room
house, with all convenience on
Chestnut street, lot 40x196. Terms
TO suit purchaser. See @. l. Ford
& Coz Tailors. septstf
The daily telegram. [volume] (Clarksburg, W. Va.) 1901-1926, 1906-07-24

FOR SALE OR RENT-Two-story
store building, rooms 2Ox54 feet:
Two Barerooms attached, 1880 feet;
one stable adjoining 16x1s feet
Old established stand for 19 years.
Possession to be given April 1st.
Located IN Adamston, W. Va. For
further particulars inquire OF
Rhodes & Rhodes. attorneys, Jacobs
building, Clarksburg, mar5tt.
The daily telegram. [volume] (Clarksburg, W. Va.) 1901-1926, 1906-07-24

" a ITED-TBo crew managers
and agents for road work, expert
enee unnecessary A great oppor-
Unity for hustlers. Cali between z
and 8 m Meade Bros. & Co., 403
Firth street. jy8H.
The daily telegram. [volume] (Clarksburg, W. Va.) 1901-1926, 1906-07-24

Lots s19 and $40 Fair Ground
addition to Clarlsburg. Write for
terms Address, The Real Estate
Brokerage Exchange, New Martins.
vile, w Va n17-mwt-d
The daily telegram. [volume] (Clarksburg, W. Va.) 1901-1926, 1906-07-24

FOR RENTING furnished rooms
suitable for gentlemen, or man
and vice. Call at 3O5 Mechanic
street. mSlf
The daily telegram. [volume] (Clarksburg, W. Va.) 1901-1926, 1906-07-24

FOR RENT-Desirable houses, all
modern improvements. Central
iy located. Reasonable rent. Haze
Morgan, Atty, room 4 Irwin build.
ing. july2tf
The daily telegram. [volume] (Clarksburg, W. Va.) 1901-1926, 1906-07-24

FOR RENT-one nicely furnished
room, with all modern conven-
fences and privilege of bath. In
quire at 1e7 W. Pike street. asst.
The daily telegram. [volume] (Clarksburg, W. Va.) 1901-1926, 1906-07-24

FOR aENT-singIe rooms, two
auites Of rooms; also rooms for
light housekeeping. The Savoy
The daily telegram. [volume] (Clarksburg, W. Va.) 1901-1926, 1906-07-24
Auditor and AGG0untaH

HUIgAAC StCIlt1QIdtJAAGE
DeViSing and Installing GSyStems
Contracts for
Keeping Sets of Books for Corpora
lions Partnership Concerns. Off
GERS of Clubs and Private In
dlVld Ia1s.
L am now prepared to take care o
all special work pertaining to Audit
ing, Accounting, Opening and Closing
Sets of Books. and DevIsing and In
StalliD9 Systems. You can more
readily negotiate capital for your en-
terprises through an A ccountant than
a Broker. CirculaTiZing viii not DO
today: personal solicitation is the on y
sure way. I have an especial clientele
of capitalists throughout th s section
and Eastern States. where my profess
sion as an Accountant for the past few
years has brought me into touch with
the wealth of these sections and i
have associates who will assist me in
presenting your proposition in person.
Few investors will entertain PROPOSE
tion withoue figured statement can
be shown, illustrs ting actual or pros
pective profits, drawn up by an indie
pendent Accountant OF repute, and
this is the basis of any successful
fiotatfon. have also engaged an eX
pert stenographer to attend to the
public wants along the line Of stem
graphic work.
FRANK A. WILSON
a1z-1R OAK HAIL BLD6.
The daily telegram. [volume] (Clarksburg, W. Va.) 1901-1926, 1906-07-24

FOR RENT-NiceIy furnished
rooms wit hall conveniences table
board If desired. No. 40 Lee
street. J5tt
The daily telegram. [volume] (Clarksburg, W. Va.) 1901-1926, 1906-07-24

A. II. Carter, Of 414 Monticello
avenue. viii make your feather beds
into folding feather mattresses. All
work guaranteed. 1an1i
The daily telegram. [volume] (Clarksburg, W. Va.) 1901-1926, 1906-07-24

WANTED-NIan or girl to cook
and do general homework. AP-
DIV to Charles F. Thompson, corner
of Locust and Sycamore SITS. J7tt
The daily telegram. [volume] (Clarksburg, W. Va.) 1901-1926, 1906-07-24
SWEET MELODY FLOUR.

Cure the headache and no not af-
feet the heart. Young's Headache
Powders, at all drug stores, ~
eenta Ian296
The daily telegram. [volume] (Clarksburg, W. Va.) 1901-1926, 1906-07-24

FOR RENT-New four-room cot
tage in Industrial addition. APP
ply at 275 Clay street. j9tf.
The daily telegram. [volume] (Clarksburg, W. Va.) 1901-1926, 1906-07-24

WANTED togie makers at the R.
Koblegard Co. factory j2otf.
The daily telegram. [volume] (Clarksburg, W. Va.) 1901-1926, 1906-07-24

Who's furnishing gas fixtures foT
your new house? Try F. G. WEIGH.
East Pike street 14j1m
The daily telegram. [volume] (Clarksburg, W. Va.) 1901-1926, 1906-07-24

FOR RENT-Two-story eight room
house. inquire 1s1 West Main
strs,a+ 17j6t.
The daily telegram. [volume] (Clarksburg, W. Va.) 1901-1926, 1906-07-24
OEYSKIDNlEYCUE
HlaIos I1dnoys and Bladder Right

Closing out sale tan shoes and
oxfords less than cost, Friday and
Saturday only, Np Us 1875
The daily telegram. [volume] (Clarksburg, W. Va.) 1901-1926, 1906-07-24

young's Hesdache Powders, 10
,ents. ~
The daily telegram. [volume] (Clarksburg, W. Va.) 1901-1926, 1906-07-24

Pillsbury's Best The Flour of the
Universe.
cream. jun29tf
SWEET MELODY FLOUR
There's nothing so good as the
best. That's the reason you should
insist on having Pillsbury's Best
See Justus for pure ice
cream. 3unS9n
Extra hne Ice Gresm served =
Hotel Waldo each day from noon
until midnight iune1Sdh
SWEET Melody flour
Nothing but cream in Justus' ice
cream 9unSStI
The daily telegram. [volume] (Clarksburg, W. Va.) 1901-1926, 1906-07-24
y Is Liver out of OIdeI2
Are Your kidneys Esak2 blood Inpursp


Thousands of people have many
sick DAYS brought on by disordered
Liver. Kidneys or Blood, who do not
know the cause We give some OF
the symptoms. Sallow skin, some
times spotted, coated tongue, FOUL
breath, bad taste in the mouth, sour
stomach, dizziness, blurs, or speeks
floating before the eyes, headache,
pain in back, side or limbs, drowsi-
ness after meals, constipation, bad
memory, irritable disposition, blues,
nervousness, checks sunken and sal
low, bust fattened, pain under left
shoulder, boils or pimples on the
face or neck, poor appetite, duh
eyes, easily tired
If you have any of the above symP
toms
The daily telegram. [volume] (Clarksburg, W. Va.) 1901-1926, 1906-07-24

Justus' ice cream served Wednes-
day and Saturday at Haley's, 432
Pike street. jun29H
The daily telegram. [volume] (Clarksburg, W. Va.) 1901-1926, 1906-07-24
SWEET MELODY FLOUR.

Nothing but cream in Justus' ice
The daily telegram. [volume] (Clarksburg, W. Va.) 1901-1926, 1906-07-24

Pillsbury's Best The Flour Of the
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1906-05-27
G|RovELAND. IS, GOOD
Prices There Are Unhsually Low Con
= sidering the Limited Supply

Prices There Are Unusually Low Con-
\ sidering the Limited Supply.
Interest in residence property is just
now being centered in the Groveland
avenue district. This has been called
one Of the city's handsomest streets,
with promise of still greater beauty as
It is built up with fine new homes. A
drive thru it is delightful, and the
unanimity Of property owners in build
ing the finest residences outlines a re-
marAable future for the avenue.
Notwithstanding the predictions for
the popularity Of Groveland avenue, as
a residence street, values are still I'M
usually low. Activity which has begun
i'll the transfer of Groveland avenue
lots and in the neighborhood, promises
early advances In prices asked for the
property. In common with Minneapolis
property in general, Groveland avenue
has maintained a low level Of values
It is evident that prices in this vicinity
real estate values there must increase
Real estate in Minneapolis must ask
prices that PROPERTY similarly situated
is repeating the history of other cities
ing anything by the experiences Of PEG
which they want, but wait and wait -and
originally asked, yet. prospective pur
chasers often wait for one Year and pay
$3.50 foot for residence property
which is just what they want, anc
which might be bought today at 800
a
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1906-05-27

Theodore F. Curtis Practices What He breaches
4 Points outthat Til. City Is Wofully Behind in Big
and Little Hotels and Apartment Houses-Rich Peo-
pie Should Build More Houses .,@1 =-:3: aszz

Ihaf dozen good ahotels, family and
commercial, to- take care of the, people
who would like those 7accemmod ations.
Eat the same time not a moneyed man
in town today Will go ahead and build
a hotel. y. Where men won It build up
their own town, who can you expect to
build it up? s=z:Hs@a.,3 q. S.7tn:
IT have. noticed in Los Angeles that
the fine: buildings are being put up by
| the people who are living there. And
who is going to build UP San Fran
cisco? :. It will be built BY. the people
themselves and not by outsiders.
ria Trolley Company Backward:
"Itois a good deal so with the cleo
trio lines here as compared with those
I In western. cities. = There they do pro
gress and we lie Idle. There the rail
|oWay people extend a line fifteen miles
| into the country, and not a house in
tsights: and the: only case here Of such
an: extension sis the Minnetonka line,
land it took ten years for the: company
Ito. build that. There they. build q line
and expect the people to grow up to it.
Here they, expect the country to grow
up first and then, build. :,<.e s., >-..:r,.,
=. g The market is looking better here.
It, is nottso active as it should be-, but
property now and makes: up his mind
t: hold? it two years viii make money
Fl have made two or three purchases
since 7 came back, and I think If the
people here will buy property in their
own city. they will have the best in
the world. Persons who are not posted
say we have had no advance here. :
say. we have had big. advance in the
last-two years. p y,