Audubon Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Iowa) 1894-1925, 1906-03-29
STORIETTES.

WhSh W.T. mohshSiu was Fluylh
Arms and the Man, some one
brought up in his presence the name
OF the author, George Bernard Shaw
"Ah, yes said Mr. Mansfield, "some
men have the most glorious luck!
There's Shaw. now; he is not only a
successful playwright, musical
critic, a Socialist, member OF the
Fabian Society, and possessed OF
red hair. but--he is also an Irish
man."
A lady went into booksellers
shop and asked for Browning. II
haven't got 1t, madam" answered
the bookseller; Il make a rule never
to stock any books can't under,
stand, and l can't make head or tail
Of Mr.. Browning. Can Yous" The
customer asked for another book
without comment upon the salesman
Praed, then?" Yes, madam" this
skeptical person assured her; 1--WE
prayed, and that don't help me-"
A Southern senator says that one
of the best and briefest OF speeches
that he ever heard In the Upper
House of Congress was one of four
words delivered by Senator Proctor
of Vermont. This speech, II appears
a colleague from Massachusetts,. He
had said: mo man IN Vermont is
allowed to vote unless he has made
two thousand dollars trading with
Massachusetts people" Whereupon
Proctor arose deliberately and OBJ,
served: "And we all vote"
When DR., John Dewey, now head
of the Department of Psychology at
Columbia, was professor at Chicago
he had good deal to say about the
training Of children. He particular,
ly urged that they should call their
parents by their first names. About
this time he went home one day 10
find water trickling through the cell
ing of his study, and, on investlga'
ton, found his son converting the
bathroom into natatorium. Mild
ly expressing his surprise, he was
greeted with: Don't stand there
shooting off your mouth, John; get
a mop and get busy before the old
woman comes home"
A Frenchman who was staying at
a hotel in Edinburgh asked at the
cashiers desk for his bill, and was
astonlshed to find It so large. He
felt that he had been plundered, but
he paid the bill and asked to see the
proprietor. The landlord came down
In response to the CALL beaming with
smiles. The Frenchman rushed w
to him, exclaiming: "Ah, let me
embrace you. Let me KEGS you!'
But why do you want to embrace me-
sir? don't understand" "Ah
satire, but look at this bill" "Your
bill? Yes, but what of it," "Vot OF
It? Why 1t means Eat | s'll nevaire
nevaire see you again, saire,"
A Boston couple were recreating
near Augusta, and met an old negro
woman to whom they took fancy
They invited her to pay them visit
and the black woman accepted, es
pecially as her expenses were paid
In due time she arrived in Boston
and was installed in the house of the
white folks. She occupied one of thu
best rooms and ate at the same table
with her host and hostess. At one
of the meals the hostess said: Mrs
Jones, you were slave, weren't
your" eyes, marm," replied Mrs
Jones; II belonged to Mars Rober,
Howell" Il suppose he never in
vited you to eat at his table," re-
marked the Boston woman. mo
honey; dat he aint," replied Mrs
Jones; my master was gentleman
He amt never let no niger set at dc
table long err him."
With all the reckless waste OF pro
family these dayS IT. a wonder there's