Evening times-Republican. [volume] (Marshalltown, Iowa) 1890-1923, 1906-03-02

era. He galloped wildly around.
"Here, what do you think you arc
dDing?" he was asked.
Don't stop mel" shouted the man in
hurry. I've got to write 10000
words attacking the canal, and I've
only got ten minutes to do 1t in. I'm
Poultney Bigeiow."
Enter another member, after a short
interval, posing as the agent for type
writer
what do we want with typewrit-
ers?' asked President Fearn.
From all l have seen and heard"
was the reply, "typewriters are the
ging.'
Another chorus, another brief period
of attention to the good things to eat,
and member of the club entered who
after appropriate conversation, applied
for the position Of press agent.
But you can't WRITE" objected Pres
ident Fearn.
NO. assented the applicant But
what's the use? Secretary Taft does
all the writingr'
And this time the Taft laugh domi-
mated even the Roosevelt laugh.
These were but the preliminaries to
the drama, which dealt with an en-
forced meeting of the canal commits
sion on the isthmus. The commission
ers, unprecedented by members of the
club, fought yaliantly against going to
the isthmus. but were compelled to do
so and got down to business. 1t sum
moned before ii the chief engineer, who
wore a large medal.
81 got H." he explained, 'for cleaning
the streets of Washington
How did you do it?" asked one of
the commissioners.
Il prayed for rain" was the response,
and all the Washington guests felt that
this was too true to be funny.
When he asked for salary of $780,
600 a year, 80 1 won't be tempted
when somebody wants to build sub
way in New York." he was engaged,
and then the chief sanitary officer came
to the front to tell why he ought to be
put on the payroll.
First" he said, II would get the
biggest possible appropriation from the
government
''That will do" said the commission
ers. "You are experienced enough for
u.s."
"You have some medals, too" was
the remark addressed to the chief
amusement provider. "What are they
for?
II got them all for good work" was
the reply. 1.-THE president gave me
this for sending man to state din
ner who knew new story, while this
one came from some congressman.
gave them passes to variety show on
an afternoon when eulogies were to be
delivered at the capitol"
Then the real and only genuine canal
expert was presented to the commits
sion and announced his pla-. 'The
canal" he said, sis forty-seven miles
long. l propose to build forty -seyen
mammoth airships, each one mile long.
Then l propose to build nice, COM
modious canal and hitch 1t to the air
ships. That will obviate any Of the
cuts. 1t will be perfectly level and
accommodate the largest ships"
With the end Of the canal drama ev-
cry one was on the qui vive for a
speech from President Roosevelt. 1t
really was not necessary to arouse the
audience to the point of an ovation for
the president, but the enthusiasm was
happily stimulated by stirring song.
The verses humorously told how all
the great events of the past could
have been brought to more prompt
conclusion if they had only been man
aged by Roosevelt, while the chorus
30 good luck to you and good health to
you:
We bid you welcome here.
With loud huzza and @ hip hurrah,
We join In q rousiug cheer!
was sung with almost dramatic ear
nestness and fairly lifted the roof
with Its volume. When President
Roosevelt arose every club member
and every guest was on his feet, cheer
ing with all the power Of his lungs.
The demonstration lasted several min
utes. Mr.. Roosevelt spoke at some
length.
One Of the cleverest things Of the
dinner was 1.-THE Gridiron Guide to
Washington" a publication which. In
the language Of the preface, displayed
picturesque conciseness without sacrt-
f1cing consistency Of plot"
Some idea of the character Of the
guide can best be given by quoting q
few paragraphs at random as follows:
The Capitol.-This building. the Mecca
of rural statesmen is mainly noted for Its
lions. When originally constructed, 1t
In public affairs OF late years 1t has been
dwarfed by comparison with the White
House. Somewhere within the classic
confines Of the majestic marble building
Is deliberative body, which imagines 1t
is intrusted with the awful duty of maxi
ing laws to govern the people OF the
United States. You will find 1t at the butt
end Of Uncle Joe Cannons cigar.
The Senate Chamber.-This Is the as
sembly room of the finest club on earth.
The deliberations Of the senate are public,
except when the doors are closed for e1-
ecutive sessions. Then they are published.
The White IIouse.-This is the school
for the education of senators and repre-
sentatiyes as to their duty to their coun-
try. The head master is Professor T.