Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1906-01-28

Quitting a congressional funeral party
he had provided seventy-two cases of cham
payne and six ham sandwiches. I ne chief
sanitary officer won his by doing away
with the dangers of Philadelphias water
supply-he had caused the breweries to
double their capacity. The chief amuse-
| ment provider had plan for amusing the
canal digger; ping-pong, authors and check
ers in the plaza. and faro roulette ana COCK
fights on the side.
The canal expert was then called and
Dragged that he had no use for facts, but
leaned strongly to theories. He unfolded
his plan for doing away with the Culebra
cut.
Il propose to build fortyseven airships,
each one mile long. Then 1 propose to
build a nice commodious canal and hitch IT
to the airships. That will obviate any OF
the cuts. 1t will be perfectly level and Will
accommodate the largest ships"
But how will you get your ships there!
Sir, l am talking now as a canal ex-
pert. If you wish my views as a marine ex-
pert you must give me another retainer.
At this moment digger who very much
resembled President Roosevelt enters and
tells the others to clear out. 'I-will-dtg-
it-myselfr' he declares. and proceeds to
sing:
Every morning at half past nine the Prisldint
gets Mr.. Shonts In line.
For Congress. " SEE he, u don't give fig; there's
canal to be dug and want yez to dig"
CHORUS.
Then It's ais ye tar s dig dig And it's
Wild pick and a shovel and a horse and dray
Then It's dig ye tarriers, dig
(Spoken) "Ah. there. Mr.. Tawney. bring
on yer appropriation. Forty millions q
month is money well spent.
Put out the ag, Casey! Blast! Fire! All
overt!
There's Mister Aldrich, n dommed fine man. fer
beat the Dutch tariff he's an Elegant plan.
The Prisdint seq to him, Don't talk so big.
there's canal to be dug an want yet to
Then it's dig We tarriers Dig" etc.
tspoken) Be COB, the canals sprung a
leak Casey. bring on Spooner amend
ment fer to shtop up the hole
"oh, sinitor Nelson might have been king, If he'd
stayed up in Norway until last spring
On the tariff he's stubborn kelly's pig.
but when a canals to be dug We should see
Then it's dig We tarriers dig" etc.
(spoken.) What waste papers that ye're
usin fer rammin', Casey? Mr.. Poultney
Bigelow's report, SEE you? All right.
Then it's dig We tarriers Dig" etc.
The canal will be dug and dug quite soon; the
first vessel VIII go through by the light of
With Taft in the clnter, fer to keep her trim,
and the Prisldint sboutin' as he looks at him.
It's done, ye tarriers, done It's DONE We tar
And ; worked all day in the good old way. with
n q
It's DONE ye tarriers, DONE
The lights in the hall go out and a stere-
opticon throws a picture of the completed
canal on the screen.
The club decides to decorate the plaza
with statues, establishing .'Statuary Hall
like that which, In the Capitol, interests
and inspires thousands of tourists every
day Like that one We purpose TO give
each state the privilege of submitting the
figures of its two most illustrious sons"
announces the chairman. Says a member:
II should like to nominate for this new
Statuary Hall one of our most distinguish
ed presidential possibilities, the Hon. Will
lam III. Taft. He comes from the state of
Shaw, of Root and of Fairbanks"
What state is that. pray?"
THE state of Suspense, a very populous
community just now"
Mr.. Nicholas Longworth Is proposed but
declared ineligible on the ground that he is
mo longer in state of suspense"
The State of Expectancy, was repre-
scented by Speaker Cannon. Senator Cor
man was declared to be out of that state
The state of Elation'' was represented by
William Loeb because his days work at
the White House was over the State of
Disgust by Senator Newlands because Me-
vada received only % per cent OF the irri-
cation fund, and 50 on.
TO the atr Of Why Don't You Try,