davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-11-05
QUAKER REFI.ECr1oNA

CFrom the Philadelphia Record.)
Twins are not always doubly well
come.
Many fellow who is well of IS sick
Every girl isn't an angel just because
she is Eighty.
A woman buying perfumery may
take it with her and still have 1t scent
The steeple-cnmber sometimes
doubts that there is plenty Of room at
the top.
It's all right to feather your own
nest, provided you don't use borrowed
plumes-
The average man Is a monumental
success. If you believe all the tomb
stones say.
No. Maude. dear; there is no SINH
Iarity between gastritis and asphyxia-
ton.
Nell-"she is simply throwing her
self away on him." Bell-"Yess and
he isn't a good catch, either
Tt sometimes happens that there
isn't a great deal of difference be-
tween high words and low language.
Wigg-s sThey say she has the
dough. ali right" Wagg-"I don't
doubt it At any rate her diamonds
are paste.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-11-05
GLOBE SIGHTS.
IFrom the Atchison clone. I


About the hardest thing in the
world to handle IS a Jealous disposi-
ton.
The average reporters idea of
heaven Is a place where there is no
such thing as a dull day.
When a contralto strikes high
note, it is pitiful. In every walk in
life, keep within your register.
If you have to keep demanding your
rights all the time, you are asking for
something not coming to you.
The average person will forgive any
thing quicker than to be called down
when he IS telling a piece of gossip.
A good many very nice men would
be surprised If they knew how often
their wives said, "Oh, men are all
alike"
Z have been abused so much BY Re
form papers, said a millionaire today,
that I am tempted to slap my own
face"
The second week after woman
has used a horse it adopts a gait that
would show proper reverence and re-
spect at a funeral.
A fsvorite question for q woman to
flesh and blood stand % And when
she asks it. It means that he hash t
been treating her right.
A farmer who has lost his wife is
about the most pitiful object in the
world. A town widower can get along
pretty well. but farmer widower IS
about the most disconsolate, helpless
and foFlorn looking object on earth.
we saw a farlner-widower today, and
he didn't look as though anything had
been done Tor him in six months.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-11-05
srrrING on "a F11T-T.E1.rIE.

In answer to the question. What
viii the senate do this winter? 90 a Kan
sas City paper says: ''Wen. there's the
Reed Smoot case to take up and La
Toilette TO sit down on
Exactly. And it is liable to keep the
Aldrich steering committee in the sen
ate pretty busy sitting down on La
Toilette After hearing La Toilette
speak, we Kansas people have an idea
that the steering committee won't
have time for anything else.
La Toilette IS one of the kind that
doesn't stay sat on And If he keeps
on growing in the estimation of the
American people as he has in the past
year, it won't be long until he will be
too big to be sat on. even by the cor
porauon crowd in the United States
senate
The Kansas City paper is right La
Toilette is liable to keep the senate
busy this winter whether 1t sits on him
or not
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-11-05
POINTED PARAGRAPHS.
[From the Chicago News.l

lrTOm the chicago news
A minute today is worth an hour to-
morrow.
Land is about the only thing sailors
have TO bank on
Women who kiss each other are often
guilty Of counterfeiting.
He is a wise man who either speaks
the truth or says nothing.
Every man has an excuse Tor drinking
and each is worse than the other
If a woman laughs at a mans jokes
it's because he isn't her husband.
About the only free silver we need ex-
pect Is the silver lining of the clouds.
Revenge as contemplated may be
sweet, but it isc always more or less
bitter when realized.
Almost any one can be a power for
evil-but it takes a man among men to
be a power for good.
Only few men are able to appreciate
the humor in a practical joke that
comes at them point first.
When a man attempts to interfere
with the affairs of woman the best he
can get is the worst of it.
Ignorance of the law excuses no man,
but it sometimes accounts for the fall
ure of a lawyer to make good.
1t sometimes happens that tie minis
ter who follows his calling too siren
uously Is called down by his congrega-
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-11-05
JOURNAL ENTRIES


Here's another Joke: Pat Coney
thinks the Republican nominees for su-
preme court justices will be defeated.
but Governor Hoch viii get a good ma
Jority. It doesn't cost anything to
guess.
When a girl throws herself at man,
hguratively speaking. he is liable to
muf and not catch her.
One of the funny things in this cam
paign is how Harris has always been
for the railroads, yet the railroads are
now fighting him.
y
Although nearly all the politicians
have declared for a square DEAL most
Of them are today playing a card they
have had up their sleeves.
There is some people who can't take
much interest in the election as long as
the question of amaIgamating the
Western League and the Western AS
ISOLATION is to be decided next Thurs
day.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-11-05
HVMOR OF THE Day


Friend-Did you have q good time chap
eroning the party last nights
Young Matron-Lovely. All OF the girls
were so much older than -l.--Detrolt free
Press.
Ubett-The idea of slikker claiming to
be a hard working man is the rlcnest
thing I've heard Of lately
Konmann-Well. he Is, by Georgel Hes
the hardest man I ever tried to work
Chicago Tribune.
ssThey say, said Mrs. OldcastIe, that
the man whom Miss Milliken Is to marry
was a good deal of bon vivant in New
s'Was he? Why, I heard he was in the
insurance business. Chicago Record
Herald.
IT'S bad sign when a girl gets moth
erly about a fellow
What do you mean2"
Nancy told Jack she was going to knit
something for him and she gave MN the
mitten. baltimore American.
Mr.. Bubkins." said the proud father,
shaking the young man warmly by the
hand. ''ler me tell you that you are q man
after my own heart.
"Oh, no, sirPt protested the blushln8
sutton; I'm after your daughter S. ''-Bal-
timore American.
why do children SO often fail to re-
spect the wishes Of their parents?
II don't know answered Miss Cayennes
hear their parents expressing their opin-
ions about each others Judgment
Washington Star.
The beautiful girl waded into the yeastg
surf.
Save me-" she cried.
There were seven men on. the hotel
piazza. They conferred hastily.
Then the one with the clearest voice
called to the struggling maiden
isn't an unmarried man among US.
Then the lovely girl ceased her strug-
giles and presently waded ashore.-Cleve-
land Plain Dealer.
I'm surprised at you said Ugly. try
ing to borrow a dollar from that fellow
Harduppe. You're surely not in such aw-
NO" replied Shrude but I felt sure
Harduppe was; anticipated him, that
1.-THE Catholic Standard and Times.
Mother-You're. very fond of your dolly.
aren't you. dear2
Little Mary-Yes; she's nicer than any
Mother-Oh. no: she's not nicer than
your mamma, surely
Little Mary-Yes. she is; cause she
don't never 'sturb me when I'm talkin'.-
Exchange.
"She may be gossip" said the woman
with thin lips, but believe she tells
my dear answered Miss Cayenne.
'the truth is frequently the worst form Of
gossip imaginable. Washington Star.
II suppose" said the volcano. bitterly,
that I will never be approved by good
| society, because am continually expos
ing the under world. Exchange
Servant listening at the keyhole to a.
great quarrel between her master and
noisei They must think I'm deafy'-Meg-
gendOrfer Blatter.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-11-05
One of Rockefener's Stories.

This weather" said a Cleveland
Baptist, reminds me of an address I
once heard John D. Rockefeller make.
Mr.. Rockefeller was speaking
about the value of little things=spare
minutes, spare pennies, and so on.
"He told US how one of the littlest
things in the human line that he has
ever seen-a little new office boy
had caused him at the beginning of
his career, to dfstrust a bookkeeper
who afterwardturne d out to be an un-
trustworthy man.
This boy had come to work in Mr.
Rockefeuer's office. He was a bright
little fellow and the chief liked his
looks.
zone hot August afternoon, as Mr..
Rockefeller was starting out to collect
bill. he said kindly to the little boy.
=" I suppose the bookkeeper has told
YOU what to do this afternoon
=" Yes, SIR the boy answered, 7 am
to wake him up when I see you COM
ing back New York Tribune.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-11-05
THE lay OF THE HFELFR.


You amt been to our meetins yet
! tell you, it's a sin.
You ought to take some interest
IN putin good men in.
Wed like to have your help. although
The fights as good as won;
SO climb into the wagon
While climbin's to be done.
IN all your life you never saw
A dader cinch than this;
on don't know what you're missin'i
gu don't know what you'll miss
Cnless you join the winnin' ranks
And go to work like fun;
So climb aboard our wagon
While climbinas to be done.
We've got the other fellers skinned
And safely laid away;
There won't be nOthin heard OF them
Upon election day.
IWll make you laugh to see how fast
We've got them on the run;
So climb into the wagon
While climbins to be done.
Chicago News.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-11-05

vehicle in sight was the dead wagon.
of a local undertaken.
BY the tact OF several army officers
present to meet the general the purpose
Of the wagon was diverted
The story in nutshell is this: CAPT.
Sidney Cloman. another Of General
Funston's aids, had wired not over
explicitly. to the quartermaster.s de-
partment: Send wagons to meet horses
and two humans The department &C
cepted the last words literally and sent
over an undertaken TO meet the very
much alive hero and his gallant aid
Washington Post.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-11-05
REFLECTIONS OF A BACHELOR.
(From the New york Press.)

(From the New YORK Press.)
Genius would be lots more useful If
it were self-supporting.
It's awful unlucky to try to kiss
girl in the dark and find out It's her
mother.
One OF the disappointing things
about marrying for money is how
much there isn't
If a man weren't married he could
afford to have pretty nearly every bad
habit there is.
The average man knows so little
about what he is voting for that Il
plain It.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-11-05
THE COST OF NEWSPAPERS.

The cost Of printing during the past
II years has Increased 80 per cent. On
this account many publications have
been compelled to raise their subscrip-
ton price. Among these are the La
dies Home Journal. Everybody's Maya
zine The Christian EndeavOr World.
Country Life, Harper's Magazine. Pear
sons Magazine, Suburban Life and
nearly all the denominational papers.
Everything that enters into the making
of newspaper is higher than it was
five years ago.-Jewell Republican.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-11-05
TIE CLAIRvnYANr-

a cIairvoyant is Operating in Sabetha.
A clalrVoyant cannot tell you half as
much OF the past as you know yourself,
ana your future is exactly and entirely
what you make it. The future for you
Is as plastic as clay. and you control
II as effectively as the artist does the
image he moulds with his fingers. No
clairvoyants no palmist, no mind reader
can do anything for you, except make
you ridiculous. The advice given you
by friends is bad enough: let the for
tune tellers alone.-Sabetha Herald.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-11-05
KANSAS COMAENT


Senator Long win have difficulty in
making people believe that La Toilette
IS a political fakir. A fakir could not
nave accomplished the things in the
United States senate that the Wiscon-
SIN senator did. John D. Myers says
ne sat in the senate chamber last win
yer ana saw La Toilette win a point
N bringing an. amendment TO a vote
Wnen the entire senate seemed leagued
against nlIn- La Toilette knew the
rules and had the individual force and
power to carry his point.-Holton Re
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-11-05

receive the election returns Tuesday
night by wireless. Think Of standing
around on a steamship deck out in the
middle Of the Atlantic and yelling over
the returns at the same time the
crowds in the cities are doing the same
fhfupf
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-11-05
PROHIBITION.

If the fact that the friends of both
the candidates for governor are claim
ing that each is a better prohibitionist
than his opponent and will enforce the
law the most rigidly. does not prove
that prohibition is popular and is in
Kansas to stay. then nothing can be
proved by politicians In a campaign
HOlton Recorder,
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-11-05

One would think that the use of the
monograph would be anything but
Joy to the politician who is liable to
change his opinions by the time anoth-
er campaign rolls round. Somebody
might save the record of his speeches
and put him in the position of holding
a Joint debate with himself.-Toledo
Blade
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-11-05

Don't crowd in more furniture than is
needed
Admit nothing that is irretrievably
ugly in line or clashing in color, even IL
it Is a Christmas present from your
dearest friend.
Don't think that every square focf Of
wall space must be ornamented.
Don't shut out the light and air.
Don't try to modernize everything.
Better a plain room, bare save for a
Rembrandt print, pair Of Colonial
chairs, a Bokhara rug. and merry fire
on the hearth, than gorgeous parlor
crammed full Of gilded pieces Of useless
ness and glutted with ornaments. Sim
plicity is the order of the day.-Country
Life In America.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-11-05

ssAll the constituents of a 15O-pound
man are contained in 1900 eggs" said
the chemist
There Is enough gas in a man. he
went on, ito fill a gasometer of 3649
cubic feet There is enough iron to
make four nails. There is enough fat
to make seventy-f7ve candles and
large cake of soap. There is enough
phosphorus to make 1904 boxes of
matches.
Furthermore that man who is
aeronauticaI will be pleased to know
that there is enough hydrogen in him
to fill a balloon and carry him up to
the clouds.
THE remaining constituents of
man would yield, if utilized, six cruets
of salt a bowl OF sugar, and ten gal
Ions of water Exchange.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-11-05
~FROM OTHER PENS
DEMOCRACY's FUTURE.

Colonel Bryan is probably correct in
saying that no one can tell who will be
the Democratic candidate for president
two years hence. Any one looking over
the country in the present campaign
would hardly like to predict that there
will even be a Democratic party two
years from now.-Philadelphia Press.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-11-05
THE GLOBES WAY.

e. W. Hoch IS clearly entitled to de-
feat. He assisted in humiliating and
defeating w. J. Bailey, as good a man
as Hoch is in any respect. and bet
ter man in some respects. Still. we
intend to vote for Hoch; we want to
keep our record" clear. At the last
state election we voted for a Demo-
crat for governor, and, as we change
vote for epublican.-Atchison
Globe.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-11-05

There were two nightly surprised
men at the Pennsylvania railroad depot
last Thursday when General Funston
and Captain Mitchell, his aid and twin
cousin, alighted from the Chicago lin
tied.
Instead OF a carriage or red devil"
to take them to their hotel. the only
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-11-05

The field of invention Is pretty we'll
filed up, but still the savior of the
great common people has never shown
up. What we want Just. now is some
one to invent salt and pepper cellars
for the dining room table that won't
always be empty.-Osborne Farmer.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-11-05
real Stand PATTERs

Kansas has lots of people who are
celebrating their 50th wedding ami
versary. They are standpatters on the
marriage question, anyhow. These
are the kind of standpatters we like to
meet May their tribe be increased
-Onaga Republican.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-11-05

The sale Of stamps at the Topeka
postofdce was the largest last month in
Its history, probably because the politi-
cal managers were busy writing letters
TO their dear friends, the people.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-11-05
Stories of Attorney General Moody.


On one of his horseback rides about
Washington occurred an incident which
shows Attorney General MoOodys sense
of humOr says T. F. MarcosSon in the
November Worlds Work. He was riding
alone when a man gal0ped up alongside
and engaged him in conversation he
proved to be a newspaper correspondent
who had not been in the city very long.
and who began to talk in q very light
vein.
II suppose you meet most of the govern
ment officials said Mr.. Moody.
.'Oh yes replied the correspondent
Take those cabinet officers for example
They are very ordinary people-like you
and me, only some of them are indus
trious. There's Postmaster General
Judge Taft is worker, too
How about Secretary Moody, asked
his companion, falling in with the spirit
OF the conversation
Hes a big man-but he is the LATEST
fellow in the cabinet" By this time they
reached a drugstore and stopped to have
a drink of soda water. When they were
about to separate, Mr.. Moody said
I've had a. very pleasant ride with you.
I hope we shall meet again
The newspaper man took out card and
handed it to Mr. Moody. who In turn
handed him one of his But he did not
walt to witness the correspondent en-
barrassment.
AS a young lawyer Mr.. Moody was
noted for his ready answers.
Once he appeared as prosecuting attor-
ney in the case of a very pious old man
who was charged with setting fire to his
house. The prisoner stOutly denied the
charge, alleging that he was quietly read
ing his Bible when the fire started. Quick
as Fash Mr.. Moody asked:
Were you reading the sentence, He
that kindleth the fire shall surely make
restitution %
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-11-05
AS TO PRAYERS.

There Is considerable sense IN BIS
op VIncent's criticism of long prayers.
Few men know how to pray in public
in the first place. They can say nice
things to the audience, but there is no
petition to the Lord in it. A prayer
should be direct, soulful , and short.
The average auditor does not take
kindly to hearing the Lord instructed.
Lawrence Journal.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-11-05

while you are waiting for the an
nouneement that your favorite candi-
date has won, just rejoice because
showers in western Kansas have been
q good thing for the wheat.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-11-05

It was discovered that the federal
liquor law was being broken in Lyon
county, but it did not take the federal
officers long to break it up. Uncle Sam
doesn't tolerate such things.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-11-05
SPEAKING OF HEARST.

The hgurehead of Andrew Jackson,
which was stolen many years ago from
the frigate Constitution has just been
found In a dance hall. But the name
Of Jackson has for some time been on
the tongue Of a song -and-dance candi-
date-New York Evening Post.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-11-05
roLInWING -DIRECTIoNs.

A New York voter has been arrested
for registering IA times. Possibly the
poor fellow only followed directions and
registered every time he was urged to
by the spapers.-New Orleans
Times Democrat
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-11-05

It's a fortunate thing that a mans
reputation isn't injured by guessing
wrong on the election. If it were.
think Of the multitude Of ruined repu-
tations there would be-
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-11-05
I'VE HAVE PENITENTIARIEs."

I'VE have penltentiaries, Secretary
Wilson is quoted as saying when ques-
toned about the proposed beef trust.
Does this mean that the product of the
combine will be fed to the poor, help
less prisoners ?-Louisville Post.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-11-05
SCARCITY OF WAR sINEWs.

The life insurance companies in New
York are apparently to blame for the
apathy of the political workers in the
present campaign. Apathy always ac-
companies a shortage of the sinews of
war.=Washington Post.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-11-05

Although most of the legislative can
Gidates have come out in favor Of the
Square Deal. some Of them are liable
TO discover about 1 o'clock Wednesday
morning tn 1t somebody has been stack
fue the cards on them.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-11-05

There appears to be some doubt as
20 who viii be the victim of Tam
many's tomahawk tomorrow since
Richard Croker has taken a hand in
the game by means Of a few cable
erar1s
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-11-05
REFORM,s FIRST ESsENTIAI..

Whether Il be Hearst IN New YORK
or Moran in Massachusetts, the al
lance of reform with men of unstable
or bad character BODIES i'll. most of all,
to reform. To its success. the leader
ship of pure and unselflsh men is the
first essential.-New York Evening
Post.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-11-05

The opponents Of Hearst cannot say
anything against Mr.. Hearst's record in
congress. anyway. He did not leave
any record there.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-11-05

The president made his Hearst
speech by proxy A good many poll
1icians wish they could do that way
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-11-05
REAL CAUSE FOR WORRY.

The Rock Island railroad is now de-
PENDANT in a suit for S450.000 damages
on account Of rebates. With the New
York Central case before them, the
Rock Island management have ground
for Observation-Disclosures Express.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-11-05

There are all sorts Of funny com
binations this year. Here in Kansas
most Of tie jointists and many pr0hi-
bItionists are united for Hoch, while in
the east Richard Croker and President
Roosevelt are both against Hearst.
They have different reasons, however.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-11-05

AIr. Hearst doesn't claim that the
secretary OF state is the Root Of all
evil. but he fntimates that he is con-
nected with It.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-11-05
CAN CARE ron HIMsEr,F

None of the cabinet officers will ac-
company President Roosevelt to Pana-
ma. but that's all right. as he doesn't
need q chaperOn.-Washing Post.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-11-05

Oyster Bay consoles itself with the
thought that its turn will come again
next summer. but Esopus Is forever
eclipsed-
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-11-05

OF course, Count Bom says it was the
9auIt Of the women he made love to-
SIZE old Adam
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-11-05

Governor Hoeh told his audience in
the Turner hall at Leavenworth that
the law is better enforced in Kansas
than it is in Missouri. anyway. Which
is probably satisfactory. to Leaven-
earth
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-11-05

Anyway. Governor Hoch did not
stop at any of the twenty saloons he
passed in Leavenworth on his way from
MS hotel to Turner hall