Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1906-05-21

" NWxA 4 fact made the
~ W%NA occasions when
1, " NM he did use it
1 " wv all the more
" NJ notable.
One of Hoar's
first congressional hits was made when
he was a member Of the house. 'sSun-
set Cox, the acknowledged wit of the
body, was the victim. Cox had made
some rather sighting reference to Mas
sachusetts and continued:
81 regret that Massachusetts is not
defended in this debate by her senior
representative and doughtiest cham
pton, Mr.. Dawes. Troy was defended
by Hector. yet Troy fell"
Hoar was on his feet instantly.
Il have frequently noticed" he said,
that when man has done or is about
to do something sneaky he accompanies
1t by cursing Massachusetts"
He wound up his rejoinder thus:
1.-The gentleman has said that Massa-
chusetts, like Troy Of old, Is not de-
Tended on this floor today by her ablest
representative. Let me say to that
gentleman that Troy did not need to
put forward Hector to defend her
against an attack which was led by
Thersites."
A document printed in French had
been distributed about the senate and
a number Of senators had pretended to
read it. When Tillman heard Of this
he snorted skeptically and said, There
are seventy men in the senate who
wouldn't recognize the Lords Prayer
if they saw it in French
Perhaps so, perhaps so,'' remarked
Mr.. Hoar, who had overheard. "But
that wouldn't be because they can't
read French"
General Ben Butler had upheld ''ffat''
money, illustrating the word by citing
the divine fiat, "Let there be light"
When Hoar heard Of this he retorted:
"God. said Let there be light and
there was light. General Butler says
Let there be money and there is
rags"
There is certain subtle and delicate
quality in Hoar's humor that makes it
all the more enjoyable. This is shown
nowhere more than in his retort to-
Senator Allen of Nebraska. Allen had
pronounced appendicitis" with the
short 81" and Tillman had objected
that the 81" should be long. Hoar was
appealed to. 1t was only little while
before that Allen had broken the rec
ord with the longest speech ever de-
livered in the chamber He had talked
fourteen consecutive hours. Hoar
gravely arose and said to Tillman he
had no doubt the senator from Nebras-
ka knew that the short ''i'' was wrong,
but, wishing to save the time of the
senate, he had committed solecism
for the sake Of brevity
While on this subject of appendicitis,
Hoar had heard that friend was Sc
rious1y i'll with that disease, but was
much relieved to learn that 1t was only
a case of acute indigestion. He there
upon sent this note:
Dear Al am very sorry to hear that
you are i'll, but am glad that the trouble
is with the table of contents rather than
with the appendix.
At a Fourth Of July celebration in a
Canadian town frivolous young girl
remarked to Mr.. Hoar, who was pres
ent, that the American flag was a silly
looking thing and suggested nothing
but eheckerberry candy.
Yes" retorted the senator, 1.-The kind
of candy that has made everybody sick
who ever tried to. lick it's
Americans who grow enthusiastic
over census reports: and crop statistics
will appreciate the following witticisn
from one Of Hoar's speeches.
IF you wish in these days to stir
the blood and start the tear of pride in
an American citizen, the best thing
with which to do 1t is q column of
figures"
Senator, want one Of your pictures
for publication next Sunday" said a
newspaper correspondent to Mr.. HOar.
Certainly" he responded. Gar
land, go and sit for the picture"
Answering the look of establishment
on the correspondents face, the sena-
tor said:
81 always have Garland, my clerk, sit
! for my pictures, as he is much better
looking man than am. When. any
body, wants my autograph l have my
other clerk, Goodwin, write 1t, for he is
much better writer than am. When
am asked for my opinion on any sub
| ject refer the interlocutor to my mes
senger, Doherty. He talks more freely
than I do"
Upon being told that certain New
York paper had highly commended hin
In an editorial Senator Hoar cried: