davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-12-15
GLOBE SIGHTS.

LFrom the Atchison Globe.l
There never was bride who thought
the newspaper did her justice.
An ordinary man can't attack a wo-
man. and get away with it, but a presi-
dent can.
Nothing seems to hurt a woman
quite so much as paying a great big
dollar to the milkman-
When a man goes to hell his pun
ishment Will probably be to read the
papers" prepared by women for their
CLUBS.
When a New York woman sues a
man for breach of promise. yon may
safely bet it wasn't an innocent hand
holding affair.
When a man submits to process
sion wedding the other men look at
him the way boys look at a boy whose
mother makes him wear long curls.
Every time I meet woman I par
ticularly admire. I am either chewing
tobacco. or badly in need of a shave.
No wonder 1 am not popular. Drake
Watson.
You often hear of being between
two fires" That's nothing. The av-
around him that. if he were between
only two fires, he would decide the
world is getting easy on him.
A few years ago, there was an old
idler in Atchison, known as Old Billy
Bell. Ever. hear what killed him
chief. in spite of his great age, and one
day there was a sensational case in
the city court. At exactly the same
hour there was a sensational case IN
the district court. He could not at
tend both trials. and this so grieved
him that he sickened and died. When
we become old, If nothing but mis-
chief interests us, we shall not object
if people regard US as pest.
1t is enough to make a perfect lady
of a doll mad The dear little girls
who have always cried for dolls a.
Christmas are this year crying for
Teddy bears, and dolls are left on the
shelves to cry the paint off their pretty
cheeks because of the neglect. So
great is the demand for Teddy bears,
which range in price from SO cents to
s12, that the factories can't keep up
the supply. and what makes it still
more alarming is that factories are
supplying sweaters, overalls, jackets.
etc. ETC.. for the bears. VIII it be as
pretty sight when a little girl mothers
q bear as when she mothered a doll?
Well, we guess mott We are on the
side of the dolls. and are ready to pre-
side at an indigna ton meeting of dolls
baby dolls, boy dolls, girl dolls and lady
dolls, at any time they call the meet
ing We are not much of a talker
but we are this much better talker
than a doll: We can talk without be-
ing punched in the stomach.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-12-15
THAT COAL SHORTAGE STORY.

1t is true, as Governor Hoch asserts,
that the story of the coal famine in
Kansas, as published in a Chicago pa
per. is greatly exaggerated. but there
is enough OF truth about it to give It a
broad foundation. 1t is sufficiently
true. in spite of its exaggerations, to
escape that class Of fakes that are
sometimes manufactured out OF whole
cloth.
The Chicago clipping was sent to
the State Journal by a prominent rail-
road official, who protested against
such exaggerated stories being sent
out from Fansas. And the protest Is
just. There is no excuse for taking. -
The news is what people want and
exaggerations or manufactured stories
are no. news.
At the same time there is consider
able truth i'll that Chicago story. 1t is
true that there IS a coal famine in
some towns in south western Kansas.
1t Il true that the mayor OF one town
addressed Governor Hoch. asking his
aid in persuading the railroad com
panies to haul coal for that town. It
is true that the railroads are censured
for confiscating private coal and for
failing to provide sufficient cars to
maui the coal needed. Very likely
threats OF forcible seizure of coal have
also been made-in fact. there have
been one or two instances where the
people have ''conhscated" coal from
railroad cars.
What was not true was that the
mercury was lowering around zero
and the people We're arranging to con
gregate in school houses and churches
to avoid possible death from exposure.
II is such statements as this, when IN
true. that work an injustice and do an
injury.
The facts which give foundation
to the story arise from the car short
age and the conf7scation of private
coal. Probably the railroads are not
to blame for the car shortage=they
are doubtless handling the business
the best they can-but they are large
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-12-15
oUAKER REFLEcrToNs
LFrom the PhIlodelphia Record

lfron ire Fniadelphta Record
All that is necessary 70 make a nlax,
succeed is to get a few ministers to de-
nource it. -
When fellow loses his money IN a
poker game it is entirely due to the =
in which he was raised Wy
] he manufacture of racing auton,o,f1es
means great undertaking business.
"Siri' exclaimed the pompous indlvid,,.,
Il am a self-made man. II acoert la,
apology" murmured he OF the patrician
countenance. -~ieaH
Nelly Dung Mr.. Saphedde was IN
brown study, and offered him. \ 49,
for for his thoughts Belle-"Weli?'' EeiiZ
Blobbs-"They say her HUSBAND A.
from the efftct Of one Of their otiarreis i z
SlobDs- es; she admitted she was i,
the wrong, and the shock killed the IN al
fellow. nc pooF
Tommy (who. has been reading bIooa
and-thunder lterature)-''Po f6ere 1870 y,
no pirates in these days, are Us rs
Tommys Pop-Ho, my son; but anv ~.
bilious youth may grow up to be the $3.50 ..s
Of great Trust A~@@
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-12-15

IFrom the Chicago News. I

j
Poor cooks make rich physicians.
1t doesn't take a boaster long to de-
velop into a liar.
Money talks-when you drop a
nickel in a telephone slot.
Convictions of the police Judge are
backed up by the jailer.
Hope is the material used in the
construction of air castles.
A quail on toast is worth two in the
other fellows game bag.
After a man gets caught In the act
he is ready to pose as a reformer.
It's a padded cell for any man whe
thinks he can please all his relations.
It takes a woman to observe every
action of a man without appearing to
notice him.
But few men are able to follow their
own walk IN life; they usually get in
somebody else's road
When you start on balloon voyage
or a trip to the marriage altar, don't
worry about what may happen.
Unless a woman is looking for
trouble she has no business to look
sympathetically at married man
when his wife is present.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-12-15

hat chust receifed my annual mas
sage. from my knees, Miss Linken-
fusser, vich thinks I am a Sandy Claws
I'd ISIS touching ledder. SO I viii re-
production i'd to show you vat I am
oopagensd. Here ISIS der dispadge:
MY Dear Jingle Hans, alias Sandy
Claws: am RAIDER veil Diss iss a
anser to der ledder I didn't got from,
you lasd week I vas attentionfng hfgh
school now. We go by der alligator
oop pecaus ID ISIS so high I vas in a
diagram vich We will spoken newsf
Fritay before Crismas I viii dell Won
Jingle Hans. vot ISIS a diagram A dia-
gram ISIS someding we're you year a
pingk dress und talk back to some kid
vich sayss to you vot der teacher toIdf
UNI to said Der kids in our school fss
divisioned in classes, viz to Wit
Class A, vich snifies pecaus i'd haf =
colds in der head, und class Il. vIoh
chusd snif1es. Fer Crismas dis vear
1 dondt want holdings but a set uf f,,rs
und automobile und some cheweIrv
Fer chewelry 1 would choos sonedire
real egspensif- Diamonds ISIS cheah6
ind vulgarious, und hat hopes Ut re-
Getting someding REAL eespensif.-
say a brooch set nit a couble ~ real
hard poiled aigs. Hoping dis viii sndt
you der same, as efer your loafsne
knees Wihemina Augustine Linken-
fusSer.'
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-12-15
KANSAS COMAENT
TOM cORDRY,s VIEW

N@tA -t-Ox1Gk1L = III ~
several members Of the Kansas Edi-
toriaI association met the other day
ana entered their protest against an
antl-pass law that would prevent the
railroads from issuing transportation
70 newspaper men in exchange for adj
vertlsing- Some Of these editors have
Deen printing editorials advocating an
anti-pass law and demanding rigid and
drastic railroad Legislation. But when
tney md that they are to have no more
privileges than others, they whine.
papers receive transportation in pay
ment Tor advertising. but among those
soitors VINO protest against the editors
oelng made the victims of an anti
pass law but wanted 1t to apply to
everyone else, do not do $50 worth of
actua! advertising for any railroad dur
ing the year. Any merchant in the
town In which their papers are pub
Hsned could get the same amount of
aeovertising for SIS. 80 a year. and yet
there We're two editors among those
ssqueaiers who use each year transporta-
non worth ten times that amount They
nave nave simply got caught in their own
trap and thee Sun Is glad of 1t and
hopes that the railroads viii hold them
20 tneir contract. And If they will re-
mann at home and attend to their busi-
ness those editors will be better off at
me END OF the year and they Will come
nearer giving their patrons value re-
celVed Tor their subscription price of
tHeir paperS.r@EsarSOn Sun.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-12-15
ERON OTHER PENS
DEPEW

Two things may be deduced from
Hon. Chauncey NJ. Depew's survey of
his career of fifty years of adulation
and two years of weighing him III the
balance One is that. presuming on
the brevity of the public memory. he
assumes that he has lived his notorlety
down and can resume his old standing
as an American senator; and the other
is that he deems himself to be good
enough 20 represent the state OF New
York in spite of that notoriety.
Mr.. Depew says that for fifty years
he had nothing but fattery and
praise from the press. In a measure
that is true. But the press had nos
we'll intrenched behind his fifty seven
varieties" (more or less) of director
ates. Moreover, he manufactured
much of the fattery and praise him
had an equal. But the amazing thing
after all is that he has come out OF
the ordeal of censure and judgment
with not a feather of his egotism and
Impudence wilted. Truly Chauncey
NJ. Depew is an abnormal type. The
law books presume that child of
eight knows the difference between
right and wrong: Depew at seventy
two cannot make the distinction. Re
rarding himself as rehabilitated, al
though the demand for his resignation
is louder than ever, he takes the front
Of the stage as an authority on legis-
lation.
Mr. Depew's projection on the
screen indicates that he has no idea of
resigning the place honored by Sew
ard and Silas Wright But, going back
to the eve of his reelection in Deem
Der, 1904, that is not surprising. There
was at the time considerable opposi-
ton TO his remaining in public life.
even before he was found out. He gay
ly dismissed the doubts concerning
himself with the characteristic senti-
mem: Optimism wins Optimism
is still Depewss strong suit
Depew IS senator, and so is Piatt.
who said Simultaneously with Depew's
tribute to optimism: Il never retire
when other people try to force me to
retire. 1 probably shall remain in the
United States senate as long as I can
New York sun.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-12-15

figuring on attending the editorial meet
ing IN Topeka IN January. He would
Ike to receive bids on a ticket be-
tween here and Topeka" II the edi-
tor OF the Lawrence Journal occupied
the position he did two years ago his
advertisements might possibly bring re-
suits. but under the circumstances it Is
feared that there Is nothing doing.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-12-15

Ten days. Defore Xmas,
Und al ofer town
Der shelfts und bookcases
Iss turned oopsitedown
Py kids und DER Darendts
In skearch uf a piece"
To go-speagk ad der school-naus-
Negst week IF you bleas-
Der skearch ISIS a fruitlesss
Und so dey resort
To Der night pefore Christmas
Fer slush of DIS sordt.
Vich ISIS wroten by order
Ply gosh und py hand.
IND ISIS Won uf der lemons
Der reader nusd stand.
MORAL: Id ISIS a goot ting for
ome uf us dot We dondt get fer 1rs1a s
-ot iss canning to us, pecaus uf We ala
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-12-15
THE OLD BLUE oyERcoAT

10VIUle Iohg The Old blue overcoat will
oe thing Of the past The supply is
almost exhausted and those remaining
On hand are to be issued to military
PRISONERS Thee issue Of the new olive
drab overcoat TO the. service at large
VIII, In consequence. be commenced at
once Few witt be sorry for If there
ever was 1nbsal garment issued the
service 1t was the blue overcoat In
11aSt; there IS no fitto It; it merely hangs
In shapeless folds on the Individual that
wears it and we have yet to find the
man who is willing to wear Il unless
through sheer ecessity.-Junction City
Union.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-12-15
PHILANTHROPIc

Senator Bai1ey"s explanation of his
conneS ton with the Waters-Pierce OIL
company is out at last. The senator
borrowed" eight. thousand dollars from
President Pierce of that company An
other proof that the oil trust is a phi
lanthropic organization.-Salina Jour
nal. F
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-12-15

and did them. The cashier was con-
stantly Investing him with business
virtues he aid not possess. and as con
stantly he tried TO assume them me
climax came when an elderly man
tipped Kitty Behman with nickel.
and as the girl dropped the coin into
the pocket of her white apron, she said
to Ralph, who almost at her elbow
Gee, 1 thought I read in the papers
that Russell Sage was dead"
The old gentleman told Sally Lotus
about the insult as he paid his check.
Sally glanced up quickly Ralph, RED
of face, was folding and unfolding
napkin, and Kitty with dancing eyes
and impairment tilt of head was tell
ing the other girls what smart an
swer she had given her stingy Gus
| toner.
Ralph strolIed over to Sally's side
She made change for a little type
writer; then she turned to Ralph
There Is one thing admire in Kit
ty Behman. She Is gritty. Not many
girls would smile like that when they
had just been dismissed for imperti-
nence."
Ralph threw back his shoulders.
Then you think it would be all
right to fire her ?" he asked.
THE only thing you could have
DONE" replied Sally. firmly. felt
sure you would see it that way"
Ralph had not thought of firing Kit
ty. She had ruled the entire floor too
long-but now
That night Kitty was summoned to
the tiny office. Ralph was trifie pale
around the lips. and his voice was
husky but his intention had not wav-
cred. 1t was well for him, however
that dismissal came so suddenly to
Kitty that she actually lost the power
of speech.
Three months later, Tim. who
checked umbrellas and ran errands at
No. met Kitty on his way home from
work.
''How's the little old maid?'' she in
quired fiippantly.
''wot's eatin' you?' he inquired saw
agely. 'She's goin' to beat you to the
altar by mile. She's trotting in the
class with his nibs. too-and' the old
mans tickled to death. Says she's
made a man of his boy an he don't
care who knows IT.
well, what do you think of that?"
exclaimed Kitty smoothing her Mar
eel waves ref1ectively-
THAT some of you wise ones amt
ne-two-three with the old-fashion-
ed sort with the right kind of wheels
in her think-pot. So long."-( Copy
righted. 1906, by C. H. Su.cliffe.)
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-12-15
oPENING coNGREss

The congress has been opened again
without the use of a cork screw or a
can opener, but a good many Of the
patriots were using the hammer mighty
freely while the operation was in pro-
gress.-Erie Record.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-12-15
REFLECTIONS OF A BACHELOR

TF'ron the New York Press.J
A girl calls a man handsome when he
thinks she s.
woman can't help being suspicious of
a man who is honest enough to admit
II rolls him to hear the baby cry
One OF the funniest things about a man
not being married is the way the married
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-12-15

Speaking OF that black bass which
Bent Murdoch brought up from the
Walnut to the Copeland and which
some wicked politicians stole and ate
ali but the .bones-Ffed sTf5gg notes
that the politicians have never left
Bent anything but the bones for sew
eral years.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-12-15

one OF the stunts that Theodore
Roosevelt, Jr., was put through in his
initiation into a Harvard secret society
was to get up at 4 o'clock in the morn
ing and trudge for miles through a
snow storm. He was probably made
to take some morning paper carriers
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-12-15

There are four cement plaster mills
atsBlue Rapids, and it is said that each
enc Is running to its capacity to keep
up with the orders that come in. The
railroads cannot furnish cars enough
70 haul the orders that come from san
Francisco alone. The farmers are not
the only ones who are prospecting in
Mrararaz
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-12-15

do you figure that the pure food
law will have any effect on your
trade?'' was asked of the pure and I'M
adulterated chicken soup manufactur-
er.
"It has already had its effect was
replied.
I'm what way?''
'*Why, 1 have had to go to buying
real chickens to make my soup With"
M. Quad
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-12-15
NO PRINTERa ruERE

the Ohio penitentiary News has
been compelled to suspend publica-
ton because there isn't printer In the
penitentiary. There are twenty bank
ers within its walls but nary printer
They are now trying their best to find
a printer who has done something
wrong, so the Paper can be started
again. put 1t Is hard job.-Jewell
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-12-15

The fact that the conductor who cap
tured a train FDbber over in Missouri
has been given a gold watch and $500
- cash for his brave deed. ought to
do much towards dlscouraging the
train robbfrr business.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-12-15

smoking jacket-sIippers too
Six pairs of sfIken hose
dainty note within the box
Which says. From thine own Rose,
Who sends thee these, that she may feel
or JOY the very essence:
For when she's far away from thee,
Thou still are in her presents"
From The Bohemian
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-12-15
HOW 10 PR0NOTTNCE IT.

How do you pronounce La Follette's
name? They pronounce decoilete. da-
kol-et-tay, with the accent on the "tay'
If the great northern. reformeF observes
the same rule. he is called La F'ol-ie-tay.
with the accent on the "tay.',-Howard
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-12-15

From almost every town In Kansas
comes the news of a house famine.
There are not enough houses for the
people to live in, yet many people hest
tate to build because OF the high prices
of building material imposed by the
ltyn7 1oer trust
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-12-15

Teddy. jr.. can not deny that it was
q pretty good press agent story any
way, especially since he Is so indignant
y denying It.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-12-15

The American nation, it Is declared,
can build as good warships as any
country, even though 1t costs more,
whereupon the Leavenworth Times sug-
gests: The government might reduce
the expense somewhat by buying
American steel and arnor plate in for
elgn instead OF home markets.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-12-15

THE estimate of Kansas state ex-
penses for the next two years. says
al exchange. lis $500. 1000" That may
be all right for an estimate. but the
trouble Is that Il will take about FIVE
millions to pay the states bills.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-12-15

should say not.
Speaking Of Mrs. Beliamy Storer's
claim that she and Beilamy made
Roosevelt president. the rHolton Re-
cprder wants to know where J. Ralph
Burton's claim comes in. You know
when ex-senator Burton headed the
Kansas delegation to the Philadelphia
convention in 1900 he ~demahded''
that Roosevelt consent to become vice
resident-Senator Platts scheme
which Unexpectedly landed Roosevelt
IN the White House.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-12-15

II wichita, Wellington and t1utchin-
son don't find natural gas Ia their
stockings on Christmas morning they
are promising Santa Claus the hardest
JOB Of knocking be ever encountered.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-12-15

The defense OF a Southern Kansas
murderer IS insanity. because his
mother died in a Wisconsin insane asy-
lun.' But what did his mother have
70 do With the murder?
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-12-15

Says the Saiina Journal: THE To-
peka State Journal thinks It has been
q long time since any one was able
20 call out a three column piece"
from the. president. as did Benamy
Etorer.' And It will be a longer time
before any one Will attempt It again.
probably. as Storer did" Well, we
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-12-15

new magazine has been started
called The Circle. It has no reference.
however. to the one at the top Of the
ballot. 80.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-12-15

If there was anything in San Fran
cisco that Schmitz and Ruef did not
get graft ont OF It was probably because
they overlooked It,
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-12-15

The president promises to spell ac-
cordfng to Webster hereafter. a good
many other people try to- but they
don't always do 1t.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-12-15
oLp soNEs PREFERREp.

Two dangerous counterfeits are said
to be out both on United States notes.
One ON tfi@ new tens and the other on
the new Aves- Old bills are as good as
new an this offacesss In fact, since this
report, old ones are. preferable
tpmie Globe.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-12-15

Still it is perhaps just as well to have
the shortage in the treasury as to have
a IN the wheat crop.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-12-15

In view Of what President Roosevelt
saved them. it looks as though the Rus
SLAMS ought to chip in a little some
thing extra to go with that Nobel peace
rrlze
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-12-15

Frank Grimes says he has been the
victim of circumstances and most
people believe It. but the state Of kan
sas has evidently been a bigger VIC
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-12-15
A "HOLLER.

A photograph has been invented
that can be heard at a distance of tan
miles No time should be lost in pre-
venting it's use under penalty of a term
in states prison. for life.-Los Angeles
Times.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-12-15

Ths editor OF the Lawrence journal
issues this personal note to the rail-
hpnds; -The editor OF this paper j.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-12-15

HChairman Ryan" Says Gus Cob
blesteinhauser ''iss roasding Chair
man Hanna fer attempting to delifer
der Pobuiisd pardy. I tink me dot he
should be roasted fer falling to delifer
such a schmalI package"
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-12-15

short time. Dey would elder go dem
to Church ven efer dey feldt like id, or
dey would stobp opp der Enkiish
Channel nit Franch solchers in der
effordt.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-12-15

A disnadge Says id dot der gas
subbly in Montgomery coundy ISIS fail-
ing. Here's hopink i'd will hold oudS
undil der Lechislater convenients, uno
Topeka can bIay safe py tapping der
egstensIf gas fields uf Copeland
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-12-15

AIisder und Missus Billamy Storer
says dey made President Roosteryelt.
Id OCCURS to me dot dose Storers ISIS
long on dot making" proposition.
Dey hat made - fools oudt Of dem
sells