davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Hopkinsville Kentuckian. [volume] (Hopkinsville, Ky.) 1889-1918, 1906-10-27

Il had them. going and coming.
Then the newspapers heard about
it and where formerly In their col
umns was nothing but dull and harm
less war news. my picture began to
blossom forth like the flowers that
bloom in the spring, ira la!
Pretty soon, Uncle Peter. every
man, woman and child in the world
began to know me and l couldn't walk
out in the public streets without be-
ing snap-shotted or bowed to, or
barked at, according to the age of
those present.
"Of course. we all know, Uncle
Peter, that my theory has wormholes
all over it, but didn't make good?
1--WE do not need book of history
to tell us that julius Caesar was over
40 before he ever saw the base of
Pompey's statue; that Brutus and Cas-
sius were over 40 before they saw a
chance to carve their initials on
Hopkinsville Kentuckian. [volume] (Hopkinsville, Ky.) 1889-1918, 1906-10-27

Caesars wishbone; that Cleopatra was
over 40 before she saw snakes; that
Carrie Nation was over 40 before she
could Ratchet a barroom and put the
boots to the rum demon; that Mrs.
Chadwick was over 40 before she
opened a bank account; that Jonah
was over 40 before he saw a whale;
that President Roosevelt was over 40
before he saw self-folding lion; that
Kuropatkin was over 40 before he
learned to make five retreats grow
where only one retreat grew before:
that George Washington was over 40
before he was struck with the idea of
making Valley Forge a winter resort;
and SO forth, and so forth, world with
out end
"But these suggestions only prove
the rule, Uncle Peter, and the rule is
this:
Some advertisement now and then
Is relished by the greatest men!'
Don't worry, Uncle Peter, because
you are getting to be a has-was.
You may do something in your old
age which will make people think less
of you than they do now-you never
can tell.
with these few words | will leave
you. Uncle Peter; wishing you as much
age in the future as you have had in
the past. Yours with love,
WILLIAM OSLER."
Hopkinsville Kentuckian. [volume] (Hopkinsville, Ky.) 1889-1918, 1906-10-27

Uncle Peter is one of the gamest
little chunks of humanity that ever
looked the world in the eye, but when
he heard the edict put forth by DR..
Osler the old man went overheard with
a splash.
He was under water a long time.
He thought the Bogey Man had him
for sure
Uncle Peter felt that it would no
longer be possible for him to pass
drug store without some young fellow
rushing out with a handkerchief full
of chloroform and Yelling "Here,
you old chestnut! here's where you get
it in the nose!"
In the dark watches of the night
Uncle Peter used to wake up covered
with cold perspiration, because he had
dreamed that Doe Osler was pounding
him on the bald spot with a baseball
bat after having poured hair dye all
over his breakfast food.
At last Uncle Peter got so nervous
| advised him to write to the doctor.
ASK him if he won't commute your
sentence because you live in the coun-
try and are commuter," | suggested.
The doctor replied to Uncle Peter
at once, and will try to translate his
letter from Johns Hopkins into pure
English, as near as can remember:
Johns Hopkins, To-Day.
Dear Uncle Peter: When cut
loose with the observation that men
were all in at 40 and rauss mittim at
60 | kept several exceptions up my
sleeve.
The exceptions include you, Uncle
Peter, and myself also.
at could not apply in your case,
Uncle Peter, because have known you
since we lived together In Baltimore
many moons ago, and l realize that
the years have only improved you.
Uncle Peter, and that to-day you are a
bigger shine than you ever were.
One point about my observation
which seems to have escaped the eyes
of the general public. but which you
suggest so delieately in your letter,
Uncle Peter, will be found in the beau
tiful words of the poet who says:
Some advertisement now and then
Is needed by the greatest men!'
Don't mention it, Uncle Peter, for
what | tell you is confidential, but do
you know that my little bunch of re-
marks, which cost me nothing anyway
because l was invited to the banquet.
have given me more widespread ad-
vertisement than Andy Carnegie can
get for Is public libraries?
"You know, Uncle Peter, there is
nothing in the world so easy to make
stand up on its hind legs as the gen.
eral public if you just go after 1t right.
But the trick is, Uncle Peter, to
know what to say and when to say It,
Look at my case and then tell me
if 1t wasn't up to me to emit a rave.
There was, just about to leave my
native land to go to Oxford and be-
come the squeegee professor in the
knowledge Factory and be all swal-
lowed up in the London fog, but no
body seemed to miss me before l went
away.
II began to feel lost, lonely and for
gotten, like vice president of the
United States.
"Then came the banquet, Uncle
Peter, and like flash the inspiration
came to me and l arose in my seat
and said; Ladies and gentlemen,
Hopkinsville Kentuckian. [volume] (Hopkinsville, Ky.) 1889-1918, 1906-10-27

after a man reaches the age of 40 he
is a seldom-happener, and after he
gets to the age of 60 he is a dead
rabbit and it's the woods for his
what was the result, Uncle Peter?
every man in the world felt that
was his personal insult.
every man over 40 listened to what
said and began to yell for the police;
and every man under 40 realized that
he would be over 40 some day, so he
began to look for rock to throw at
ma M Is hAsNsAiEhInnlmAini
Hopkinsville Kentuckian. [volume] (Hopkinsville, Ky.) 1889-1918, 1906-10-27

After getting this letter Uncle Peter
began to breathe easier and two DAYS
later he was quite able to resist the
desire to crawl under the bed every
time a bottle Of soothing syrup ar
rived from the drug store.
Uncle Peter got very gay the day
after Admiral Togo won the battle OF
the Sea Of Japan.
Fifteen minutes after the last Rus
sian battleshiD had been clapped on
the cross-trees Uncle Peter had a let
ter written to Togo.
l am going to show you a copy of
it, if get pinched in the act:
New York, This Morning.
ITO Admiral William Duffy Togo. the
Japanese Crackerjack.
Dear Togie;-Please forgive me for
writing you these few lines, but / have
been through several wars myself and
l have witnessed how easy 1t is for
hero to take the wrong road and
walk unexpectedly into the cold stor-
age department Of the public's ~esti-
nation. That is the reason I wish to
give you a few points on the etiquette
of being hero, which have studied
from observation in this country.
Brave Togie:-When you get home
in Toxic or Yokohama, or Commune
paw, or wherever it is, keep the face
closed. more especially in the region
of the mouth, because the moment a
hero begins to speak somebody will
misconstrue what he says and get him
talking politics when he only meant
to say; Drink hearty
"Clever Togie:-Don't ever talk with
an ambitious reporter unless you have
. baseball mask ovsr the face go 4
Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922, 1906-12-17
Personal NOTES.

Possibly Mr.. storer got his course in diplo-
macy at a correspondence school.
There is something powerfully suggestive
in the name OF Americas new ambassador
to Russia. It's Riddle.
Kentucky cannot decide the problem,
What is whisky?" Meanwhile, in the in
terests of science, all suspected fluids are
being sampled.
The humorist who wrote to a treasury
official for his share Of the per capita
circulation" was probably not prepared to
pay his share Of the per capita debt.
Living in Washington, in his 95th year,
is General Daniel H. Rueker father-in-law
Of phil Sheridan and boyhood chum of
Sherman. He was born in Bslleville, N.
j., and at an early age enlisted in the army
and served on the frontier, being great
friend of Kit" Carsong He took part in
the Mexican war, as well as, the civil war.
William J. Rolfe, the veteran shak-
spearean authority, celebrated his 10Th
birthday at his quiet home in Cambridge,
Mass, on Monday last, Even at his ad-
vanced age he is still busy with his pen,
turning of a quantity of work which
would exhaust many a younger man, and
this without the aid....Qf. secretary or
ahianuensis. .
Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922, 1906-12-17
GRADE THE DEPUTIES Sal

GRADE THE DEPUTIES SALARIES.
County Attorney-eleot English some
time ago announced the names of the
deputies he will appoint to assist him
when he takes ONCE next month. Moth
ing, however, has yet been done to-
ward changing the schedule OF salaries
by which all the deputies have hereto.
fore been paid at the uniform rate of
$1,000 a year.
Under the law governing the ap-
pointing Of deputies to the county at
torney the salaries which they are to
draw are subject to determination an
nually by the judges OF the district
court, though limited to a maximum
OF $500 year. The work of the
county attorneys ONCE, II properly
done, requires the services OF two first.
class assistants putting in practically
their entire time, while the duties de-
volying upon the subordinates detailed
to look after police court matters calls
for only moderate ability and at most
two or three hours a day OF actual
work
AS The Bee has already pointed out
by grading the deputies and giving
two Of them the maximum salary and
reducing the other two down to wha
their service is actually worth, better
results can be accomplished with al
annual expenditure of actually les
money. The meeting OF the G,~,.tc
Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922, 1906-12-17
LIFE INSURANCE REFORMS.
Comment on the work of the Iowa
Commission.


The commission appointed I'm Iowa to pro-
pose insurance legislation has done a pc
euliar thing. 1t condemns unanimously de-
ferred dividend policies, but declines to
recommend a law to prohibit them
The reason for this is that the weaker
Iowa companies Issue such policies and II
they are forced TO drop them those com
panies would be handicapped in their com
petition with larger corporations That is
not a good argument. II the deferred dlvl-
dend policy is deserving of condemnation,
II It Is not consistent with good insurance
practices, no company should be permitted
TO issue It. To make an exception for the
weaker companies is to keep open the OPP
portunity for the stronger companies to
continue what is now being very generally
rejected
Deferred dividend policies are certain to
be shut eut all around in the early future
New York has already prohibited them as
one Of the results OF the insurance investi-
CATION. They were regarded as chiefly re-
sponslble for the mischief making surplus
carried by the big companies. The conven-
ton OF insurance experts which finished its
work I'm Chicago a short time ago included
among its drafts OF legislation a bill for
the annual apportionment OF all dividends
/ IN cahA OF IN CIeQtlS. InlS Dill Will go
before the legislatures in most OF the states
this winter, in fact. in all Of the states IN
which action on deferred dividend policies
/ has not been taken already.
| As the legislatures Of the states generally
I will be In session uniformity Of action Is
! looked for. II Is the only way that there
| can be an efficient regulation OF the bust
ness. Some OF the best companies in th-
/ country never have issued deferred divi-
/ dend policies. They have been able TO stay
| IN the competition without anything OF that
! kind. and are In better Fepute with tho
( public today on that account Any state
would make a mistake II. 10 encourage
what may be considered its own weake'
| companies. Il should fail 10 recognize the
sentiment and experience which have freely
and dec!sively condemned the deferred diyl
dend system.
| There is need OF uniformity In the laws
! OF the several states under which the lif'
insurance business IS conducted. II the IN
/ suTance lObbios are not more potent thar
The interests Of the hundreds Of thousands
| OF pOlicyholders that uniformity will b.
brought about pretty generally within IN
..eXt slX months.
Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922, 1906-12-17
SENATOR BAILEY,s CASE.

Senator Bailey of Texas continues
to expand his public explanations of
his financial relations with II. Clay
Pierce, one of the Standard OIL mag
mates and president of a great subsid-
larry company of the oil combine, as
the protests among his constituents
against his reelection gains in
strength. From the outset, when he
vehemently and contemporary de-
nounced any questioning of his mo-
tives, the Texas senator seems to have
misconceived the true point, assum-
ing that he should be exempt from the
searchlight which an awakening pub
lie conscience insists on turning upon
the actions and relations of public
servants. But he has been steadily
forced to explain, apparently with
great reluctance, until at length num-
erous financial transactions have been
disclosed involving the most intimate
confidence and direct corporate obli-
cations.
The true point, as the Texas SEN
ator should by this time realize, is not
that he may or may not have been in
nocent of conscious wrong in any pub
lie act, but that upon his own show
ing, although it has been made piece
meal, he has placed himself under
circumstances of obligation that
might influence him as a public man
in matters affecting these corporation
interests, and that naturally and GER
tainly tends to subject him to susplc.
ion.
No man in high public place can
safely permit himself to be so in.
volved, even though he may in fact
keep his own conscience clear. There
is no means of proving it to the public
beyond his own mere assertion, and
precisely the same protestation thai
Senator Bailey makes in his own be
half is made by every corruptionis
and corporation confederate wher
caught in questionable relations. HI
knows now at least that he cannot &
unscathed in public sentiment simpl!
by virtue of his own denials, but h,
should have known 1t before. AnC
even though he may yet manage Il
avoid the defeat with which he Il
threatened in his own state, he vii
find his influence as a public characte
gravely and permanently impaired.
Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922, 1906-12-17

judges. nj which these salaries will be
fixed. is still some two weeks on, but
II ought to be understood in advance
that a reform is to be begun at this
point and the details prearranged
After the start is made it should be
followed up with new legislation Civ
ing the county attorney one chief dep
uty on salary of $1,000 or $4,000, a
second at 1880, with two police court
amateurs at about $50 month. When
this is done 1t should obviate the
necessity at all times Of the county
employing special counsel TO look after
anything but the most important and
extraordinary litigation.
Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922, 1906-12-17

CAN GENERALIZATION BE CHECKED J
Nothing in Secretary Roots recent
address warrants the Interpretation,
which some persist in putting on 1t,
that he favors assumption Of national
jurisdiction over all matters wherein
the states fall short of their duty. The
address, indeed, is not an argument
for or against such action, but a dem
onstration of the inevitableness of the
extension of national power in proper
ton as the states fail to meet the sub
stantial necessities of the business and
industrial life of the people.
No one knows better than Secretary
Root the terms of the national consti-
tuition, nor would be farther than he
from proposing their violation. At the
same time, no one has more forcefully
set forth the historic and philosophic
truth Of a progressive Interpretation
of the constitution as conditions have
changed and emergencies have arisen,
which is, indeed, the paramount fact
in our national history. The most
notable illustration Is the body of ju-
dicial, legislative and executive decis-
sions and acts called forth for the
preservation of the union during and
following the civil war, involving a
virtual revolution in our actual gov
eminent under the constitution and in
the peoples conception of its char
acter.
But hardly less notable are the
| more recent extensions of the powers
" the national government to provide
for, necessities for which, the states,
though they had the power, failed to
provide 1t was the explicit duty OF
the state OF Illinois to regulate the
meat industries grouped around the
Chicago stock yards, and it possessed
complete authority. It's failure, how.
ever, affected the public health in
every state in the union and the vel
fare of the live stock interest even in
foreign. markets. II Illinois had done
it's full duty, there would have been
no development of national power un,
der the grant to regulate commerce
between the states whereby practically
all is done that could be done under
state police power, although such con
stitutional Interpretation is in the
very teeth of doctrines generally prev
alent a few decades ago.
Secretary Roots true point is a sig
nal warning that this tendency tC
Capitalization will infalliably continu,
II state negligence and futility con
tinue, because capital injustice anC
abuses. must be removed, and tn,
grants written in the constitution anC
implied in its very purpose are so gen
eral as to cover large emergencies, in
dustrial as we'll as military, In the ma
tional life. 1t behooves the state leg
islatures now about to meet to heet
the warning. Our people have no spe
cial liking for Capitalization, but the,
prefer it to failure of government. l
is perfectly futile to make a fetish o
states rights" for the state can no
vindicate its right to abuse or abdicat
its powers. In short, further central
ization can be checked, II checked a
all, only by the states doing the worI
they should do and which the peopl
are bound to have done
Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922, 1906-12-17
LOST IN THE MAILS.
Absent Minded People Contribute to
Uncle SANS store,
at louis HanuhIlo


Extreme care in sending merchandise
through the mails is emphasized by the
sale Of $4,000 undelivered packages just
announced by the Post0fhce department at
Washington.
Astonishing carelessness is evident from
the fact that $1,000 articles were found loose
in mail bags or without wrappers. Some
$1,000 packages directed 10 foreign countries
we're unavailable because the senders failed
to attach the customs required by postal
agreements with other countries.
These figures represent a waste amount
ing to wild extravaganza. II It were pos
sibIe to estimate the value OF the losses
In money a very beneficial lesson would
be impressed upon public probably grown
careless through unparalleled opulence.
That there is no excuse for such needless
ness is so plain that comment is super
fuous.
The warning conveyed by the action of
the postal authorities should at least have
the effect of inducing people to use all
their wits when they commit their savings
and their good will to the burden of the
mails.
Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922, 1906-12-17

Morgan sat George r. Baer--"Divne Right
Baer." In his eXuberance over JustioS
Browns arraignment of the Roosevelt ad-
ministratlon he pounded the floor with his
feet, raising his knees so high that It
seemed that the table must go over. When
they had worn their feet tired Morgan and
Baer took to clapping their hands, Their
joy was unconfned,
II was in an atmosphere rolling with to-
bacco smoke that Root began to speak.
and with the cold of which he complained
1t was difficult for many in the far corners
of the ballroom and in the galleries to
catch what he said. Besides, much OF
the strength of his rapsy voice was lost
through his bending his head to read the
manuscript which he followed. But none
Of these elements we're factors Of inter-
ference with the hearing of J. Pierpont
Morgan and George r. Baer, The table at
which they sat was directly beneath the
long dals at which Root had been ban
quoted and from which he made his re-
Spouse to the toast, The United States'
Morgan and Baer were seated opposite
each other. Not once did Baer raise his
eyes while Root spoke Morgan seemed
to be lost in a study of Baer's physiognonly,
but those who were watching him closely
saw his teeth sink deeper into the big,
black cigar, which he had forgotten 10
tight, every time Root stated the purpose
of the national government to rule all
things in this republic. a.
Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922, 1906-12-17
NO CURRENCY LEGISLATION.

NJ L0hhANNA AEuAe - AAUsfs
Even the strongest advocates Of the
emergency currency scheme formu-
lated by the committee of the National
Bankers association confess that there
ip slight chance Of favorable action by
congress at this session, while the
most reliable observers at Washington
see no chance whatever. The strong
probability is that no currency legis~
lation of any sort will be enacted by
this congress.
The fact seems to be that there has
been no definite capitalization of opin-
ion in congress on this subject, and
any measure that could be agreed on
in committee would encounter strenu-
Gus opposition on the floor. The lack
of any approximation to unanimity
among bankers themselves, or in the
business community, gives the oppo-
sition an immense advantage, especi-
ally when the time of the session is so
limited and crowded with other i'm
portant affairs.
1t Will, therefore, be wiser and more
fruitful for the advocates of currency
reform to devote their attention to the
formulation Of a more thorough and
comprehensive method Of accomplish
ing their purpose and to effort to
arouse more favorable public senti-
ment. On this basis the next congress
might be brought to act, but without
a more definite popular demand sub
stantial currency amendment belongs
to the indefinite future
Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922, 1906-12-17
III PAD BEEN THERE.

Puck.
Some burglars came to town the other
And, got in Guthriss house and helped
To nearly everything there was in sight
Or locked in drawers or piled upon the
And Mr.. Guthrie hardly drew his breath.
Cause Mrs, Guthrie said he didn't dare;
Thos burglars would Of both got scared to
If Pad been there.
When Russia didn't whip the japanese
Pa told us II was KOuropatkln fault;
He ought of won as easy as you please.
Ihe trouble was he wasn't worth his salt.
Ill bet the Japs would all be wishin yet
That they had not mixed up In that AFFAIR,
For they'd be full Of bullets ana regret
II Pad been there. .a
Last Christmas Uncle Fred sent me a book
About the fight they had at WRterlooi
1t tells you OF the part Napoleon took;
Pa says he bit on more. than he could
And ma thinks that the duke Of Wellington.
Who as the poet says, stood up four
Most likely would Of gone home on the run
II pad been there.
Once when my pa was tellin' ma and me
About the flood of Noah and the ark
lie said he couldn't ever seem to see
Why Noah let the rats and mice embark
And ma said: II suppose he didn't know
How they'd increase the woes we d have
70 bear;
They'd never of got up the gahgpiank.
though,
II you'd been there"
II pa had been I'm Adams place that day
When satan came 10 Eden in disguise
We wouldn't have 10 die and pass away.
Nor care about no MANSIONS in the skies.
Pa he'd OF winked at Eve and turned TO
chase
The mean old tempter in hole some
where;
The fall Of man would not Of taken place
IL Pad been there.
Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922, 1906-12-17

Sentiment seems to be crystallizing
for a larger police force for Omaha.
The first prerequisite for a larger po-
lice force, however, is more money in
the police fund and the only prospect
of getting more money in the police
fund without raising the tax rate is by
forcing the railroads to pay city taxes
on their terminals the same as is paid
on other property benefited by police
protection. Terminal taxation is the
key to solve most of our municipal
problems.
Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922, 1906-12-17

Only a few months ago the new
democratic city council, with a great
flourish Of trumpets, to blaze into the
taxpayers the devotion of the new ad-
ministration to the strictest economy.
abolished the position Of gas inspector.
Now the councilmen are talking about
creating a new ONCE to be known as
gas commissioner, which will be only
another name for the place filled by
the dislodged gas inspector. There is
a we'll defined rumor that the abolition
of the Office was solely for the purpose
of heading on an appointment by the
mayor to which the councilmen OBJ
iected and that its resurrection at pres.
ent is to connect some more favored
hungry democrat with a salary.