The diamond drill. (Crystal Falls, Iron County, Mich.) 1887-1996, 1906-12-29
THAT ALARM CLOCK

my IedIt 10 ~ hhithA " AH' A.'t"~ ~
snapper. snapper suggested that
buy an alarm clock.
took Snapper's advice and bought
one. The man who sold IL gave me
lessons in operating IL without extra
charge. / could see through IL like a
hole In a board fence. All you had to
do was simply to whirl little wheel-a-
ma-gig around until certain figure
pointed 10 the hour on the dial, the
one which YOU wished 10 be bounced
out at, and everything was serene.
/ bought that clock In the evening.
unbeknown 10 my family, and. think
I ing / had sweet. sure thing on being
awakened at the proper hour. l linger
ed with some friends In front OF a
julep reservoir. So II was past 10
when got home, and everybody was
asleep.
My angelic mother-In-law had es-
capped the perils of smallpox, cholera
etc. and had arrived that day to stay
with us for few days" Heaven,
what number Of days It takes to con-
stitute few" with that mother-in-
law!
Well, her long journey had tired her
out. and she, too. had gone TO bed.
Entering softly. | deposited my clock
on the table that stood at the head OF
our bed. Then "set her." after which
] carefully placed myself horizontally
I'm my little bed, making no disturb
| ance, for | dislike lectures. and was
soon lost 10 everything in the shape OF
fear or anxiety.
What blessed thing sleep Is. espe-
cially when you are not afraid and
know you are all right about getting
up! IL Will he observed that pause TO
moralize.
Well. / had really got sleep on the
brain. l was tinctured with IL clear
| through But there Is not tho slightest
/ use OF moralizing or describing any
further, and will come to the point at
I once.
In the dead watch and middle OF the
night | was rudely awakened by
fierce and agonizIng yell from the
I partner OF my bed. Not only that, but
/ | had the breath nearly knocked out OF
my body by the said partner throwing
herself upon me I'm her frantic endeav-
| ors TO get out Of that bed. / felt some
| thing was loose
] As soon as my senses were revived |
heard the fearfulest rattle-to-bang-din-
gette-dong er-te-elick-whitz-ete pop
\ mingled with the wild shouts and
/ groans of my wife. | was entirely con
founded myself She yelled Murder!
Thevesl Pollcer' and. with tottering
steps, she made for the adjoining bed
room, where her mother was. fol-
/ lowed I'm terror myself, for as yet had
not sufficiently come TO my senses 20
/ know what the deuce IL was all about
/ anyhow.
That mother-in-law leaped from her
/ dreams. from her bed, and. seeing mo
tremblingly trying TO quiet her daugh-
ter she at once concluded that | was
! trying TO murder her and came for me
tooth and nail. Then / shouted; then
I we all shouted and the uproar was
\ heard in the street, and murder was
/ thought 10 be doing
/ Still that awful racket was kept up
| I'm my bedroom The truth flashed
! over my mind. | had made mistake
/ In setting my alarm clock and II had
gone of" ! rushed wildly for Il.
! placed Il between the feather bed and
tho mattress, but still Il kept on with
/ les deyilish racket. The women also
4 kept up theirs seized that clock and
\ rushed 10 the bathroom and there lett
a food OF water upon it In the hope OH
1 sllencing It. but al 70 no purpose.
! While this confusion was going on
1 within the police had raped for as
sistance and had gained admlttancc 90
the house. They rushed up 20 our
sleeping apartments and burst IN the
door.
whats up? what's the row? Where
\ Is hep said one OF them.
My mother.m-law pointed them 10
the bathroom. wherc I was trying 10
drown that COMPOUNDED clock IN n tub
OF water.
The officers drew their clubs and pis-
tolls and charged upon me. / mounted
the tub and pointed to that clock.
which was still dinging away like
something possessed OF the devil.
What is the meaning of all this
row.
I attempted to explain, but the voice
OF my mother-ln-law was heard above
all words OF mine.
Take him away. officers. He has
been trying TO murder us both. Take
him awayw
In the meantime my wife had swoon-
ed.
One OF the officers went for that
clock with his club He smashed IL
across the snoot. He weIted II In the
face. lie dislocated its lower jaw.
He crippled Its hands. He knocked Il
out Of time. but stu II ratified away,
and IL was not until he had driven his
No. IL boot in among It's liver and
things that IL finally caved In and con-
cluded to stop.
Silence being partially restored, ex-
planned 20 the officers how the whole
rumpus was occasioncd, and, so far as
they were concerned. they were IN
4 On. NJ as a. n