Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1906-09-18
MY, BUT HE WAS LUCKY
JUST SUPPOSE HE HAD BEEN A
: THIN NAN.
Stout Member Of q local Insurance
Firm Tells Of His Many Marrow
Escapes on His Vacation.


The senior member of a local insurance
| firm limped into the office day or so ago
on crutches. One foot was bound up. his
left arm was in a sling, and his face was
covered with scratches and bruises. He
Is a very stout man. and he looked as If the
world had treated him badly
Have q good time on your trip?' asked
his partner. who is his antithesis as to bulk.
retreating behind his desk with a concilia-
tory grin.
THE big man scowled and glared as much
as swollen features admitted. dropped into
a chair and. told this story to his partner
| and friends In the Office:
''On my way back to Washington from
my vacation spent at an eastern seaside
| resort I stopped of at a small town in
yard in three generations. The village
hotel was one of these old-fashioned affairs
OF two stories. with wide double verandas
In front. Being an insurance man. l no
ticed that a. manhole had been cut through
the porch at the second story, up to which
| led a wooden ladder in the nature of fire
| escape. l couldn't see what use 1t had. so
took 1t for q modern improvement They
gave me a room opening out on this porch.
l. and retired for the night.
Sometime during the early morning
hours I had q dream that the Capitol at
Washington was on fire. Then the dream
suddenly faded away, and I awoke to find
that the hotel was on fire, and that the
flames were coming In through my door
I made that porch in one Jump and the
modern improvement fire escape in an
other-and there stayed. as tightly wedged
as a plug in a knothoe. Meantime the VIII
lage volunteer fire department., with an
antiquated hand engine, was having fine
time out in the street yelling. for the water
SIlDnIy had dry eight before.
The entire department to q man seized my
dangling legs and pulled down. while three
of the help Of the hotel seized me by the
shoulders and pulled upward. 1 must have
stretched about two feet. The fremen be-
low then gave me a shove up. and popped
out Of the manhole like a cork out of a
champagne bottle.
"Then the hotel help showed me toward
a ladder which the firemen had raised to
the porch. 1 missed my hold on this, rolled
down to the ground plumb into the old nre
engine, which I smashed into kindling
wood. The flremen forgot about the fire,
set upon me to a man. beat me soundly.
and then the town constable got busy. 1t
was daylight by this time. and he dragged
for disturbing the peace. destroying town
property and assault and battery. My
clothes and money were burned, of course,
but the village blacksmith. who was
member Of my fraternity. and the biggest
man in three counties. loaned me some
clothes-which were too small and made
me look like an overgrown boy In his small
brothers pants-and hustled me out or
town with some money. lest the village au-
thorities would really press the charge of
arson, which the hotel keeper insisted upon
| making against me-"
"You were lucky, after ALL" suggested a
friend.
81 got to Philadelphia that night" con-
tinued the stout gentleman. land boarded
a train for Washington. The train seemed
to move slowly, and 1 got out of the car
Of the Vi9dTlct StQtiOns-which after
ward proved to be Havre de Grace-to see
If couldn't discern the welcome lights of
the capital. The next thing I knew l had
fallen off the train bumped on the edge
of the viaduct, and did an acrobatic somer-
sault to the ground. which seemed about
four million feet down., L struck some
thing else beside the ground, for wiry lit
tie chap with big lantern flashed the
light into my face. said he was a railroad
detective on the lookout for just such ras-
calls as myself, and insisted upon my go
Ing to the lookup on a charge of attempt
ing to dynamite the viaduct
with provisional foresight. had shifted
while In the train a good-sized bottle of red
travelling medicine from my hip pocket to
an inside coat pocket. and the railroad de-
tective and 1 agreed to sit down under one
of the arches. talk 1t over and see II that
kind Of medicine agreed with his constitu-
ton. It did. He also turned out to be a
member of my fraternity. so he loaned me
some more money, got me aboard of a train
early the next morning. southbound for
home.
you are the luckiest man know" added
another friend. admiringiy.
The stout gentleman shook his crutch at
the speaker, for he was too sore to rise. and
resumed:
eat last I reached Washington and
boarded a Pennsylvania avenue car for
home. I started to make q transfer at 18th
street and New York avenue. and the first
thing knew I got wedged between a yell
low car going north and a green car going
south. and held those two cars together
as tight as a clamp. The lady passengers
screamed that I would be killed. the men
passengers swore at me. and what the mo-
tormen and the conductors said wouldn't
have the heart to repeat. They started and
and blocked the line both ways for five
squares. Just as the policeman was about
to turn in the riot call heard the motor
man on one OF the cars say that since his
parents had always said he was born to be
hanged this was the opportunity to commit
the murder he had been looking for, SO he
turned on the switch full power. and was
arating cars. like piece Of dough beneath
cooks roller. Somebody bundled me into
a carriage, and I'got Hometown I never
will. learn-only to find that the entire fam
lily had gone to visit relatives down in Vir-
ginia. not expecting me back SO soon, and
that the cook had quit. in the bargain. 1t
was a great trip
1You are, indeed. the luckiest man In
Washington" exclaimed the big mans lit
tie partner. joyfully. patting the others
shoulder with glee Just suppose you were
as thin as you are fat-every bone In your
body would have been broken. you would
have been killed three times, and I would
have had to run the business alone. Gee,
but you are q lucky man.