Willmar tribune. [volume] (Willmar, Minn.) 1895-1931, 1906-03-21
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TELL me, dear uncle" said little
Dilly, as he pored over the evening
newspaper 'what Is the canal?"
1.-THE canal. my dear nephew" said
Uncle George, as he carefully brushed
the ashes from his Claimants Joy for
fear they would soil his white waist
coat, ''the canal is a great thing. That
is to say IL you mean the Panama
canal which the United States is Ia
boring to complete within the next so
years. The canal, Dilly, will do more
for the American nation than many
sewer jobs and several municipal
works combined. It will give oppor-
tunity to the good men Of the senate
and congress to talk endlessly about
nothing at all, and 1t will keep Gen.
Taft SO busy that he will find no
time to discuss the water cure in the
Philippines, and for that last Dilly, we
should be devoutly thankful. It will
also afford congress an opportunity
to dabble its hands in a little OF the
nations wealth. Barring a cruel war,
my 10y, there's nothing that will give
congress such an opportunity as the
canal. Mr.. Shonts will cable up from
the scene of the carnage:
''We're laboring hard and strenu-
Gus. The toothpicks are all gone, like
wise the canned peaches. We're en-
tirely out Of cut glass decanters and
Scotch whisky. Send along another
$10,oo0,0o0 before we suspend opera
TONS
*'Then congress will go to work with
4 will and will pass an appropriation
Of fifteen millions with whoop and a
glad cry. Yon may suggest that only
ten millions were asked for, but you
little understand the nature Of the
great work, or the generous workings
of congress, my boy. The extra money
Is to pay the salary of the press agent
that was, and the cost Of packing the
articles needed in silver tissue paper.
Also perhaps to send two congressman
Is a committee down to Panama and
zee how things are going and to come
back and report"
will the committee go to Panama.
lear uncle?" asked Dilly anxiously.
Indeed, it will, my dear nephew. It
will run down there on a revenue cut
!er and sit on the porch of the hand
soonest residence, and gaze out on the
green lawns and the tropical nights.
end drink the Scotch out Of the cut
glassware, and come home and report.
I can see the honorable gentleman
from Iowa report now. He stands on
the floor of the house and clears his
throat and begins:
"'Your committee has visited the
scene of the operations and has dis
covered that everything is being done
that mortal man can do. True, actual
digging has not yet been commenced,
but We must not expect too much from
the paltry sums we have thus far ap-
propriated. We found on our initial
trip that there is great hardship
among the men, especially the Ia
boring classes. After a personal in
spe:tion we beg to report that there
is not one toothpick to be found.
Canned terrapin is nearly out and
only nine gross of gentlemen's collars
are left to the hardy workers. They
are struggling nobly, however. Fur
Their along the scene of operations
there is some slight disaffection owing
to the non-arrival Of the seven cases
Of silk socks that were ordered. The
tunnel men are now being forced to go
to their toll in wooden hose. The
scarcity of dress shirts is pitiful, many
of the men being forced to wear hick-
DRY garments. While we were there
five Italian laborers threw down their
tools and refused to go further unless
white kid gauntlets are provided at
once. Your committee respectfully
reports that unless some adequate
means of supplying finger bowls to the
toilers is provided at once there will
be dissension.+ Mr.. Shonts is doing all
mortal man can. He and his assist.
ants have shaved early and late in theil
hammocks trying to keep the red ants
from eating the pate de foie gras and
charlotte russo. Your committee
thinks about another twenty millions
will enable the work to progress fal
enough to talk about buying som.
I aredg1n8 machines and steam shovels.
49, -