davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The evening times. [volume] (Grand Forks, N.D.) 1906-1914, 1906-07-18
A Beggar's Benson.

An Irish beggarwoman. following
gentleman. who had had the misfor-
tune to lose his nose, kept exclaim-
ing:
Heaven preserve your honor's eye
sight"
The gentleman was at last annoyed
at her importantly. and said:
why do you wish my eyesight to
be preserved? Nothing ails my eye
sight, nor is likely to-"
NO. your honor" said the Irish
woman, but it will be sad thing if
it does, for you will have nothing to
rest your spectacles upon"
The evening times. [volume] (Grand Forks, N.D.) 1906-1914, 1906-07-18
Parson Saw Light.

1t is related of famous minister
that when presiding at meeting
where the necessity of wood-paving
a portion of his parish was under dis
cussion, he became greatly disguised
at the want of intelligence displayed
by many of those present Finally,
unable to control the annoyance which
a more than usually frivolous OBJ
lection occasioned him, he rose alb
ruptly from his seat, and said:
Gentlemen, do not let us discuss
the matter further. You have only to
put your heads together, and the thing
is done at once"
The evening times. [volume] (Grand Forks, N.D.) 1906-1914, 1906-07-18
CAUGHT THEIR MAN.
Game Wardens Arrest Moorhead Man
After Many Years,

Charles E. Wolf, county attorney of
Richland county, N. d., has been ar
rested at Moorhead charged with yio-
lations of the game laws covering a
period OF several years. s. F. Fuller
ton, executive agent of the state game
and fish commission, says that while
hunting In the state in 1904 Wolf was
arrested on charge of violating the
game laws the year before, hunting
deer without license. He was fined
$3.50, but was released on bonds pend
Ing an appeal to the supreme court.
Inc supreme court sustained the
Judgment against him, but Wolf, Mr..
Fullerton says, did not return to the
state.
Mr.. Fullerton received word from T.
II. Jones of Fergus Falls, the game
warden who was instrumental in ar
resting Wolf, that Wolf has settled
the old offenses for $147, and has
signified his intention of settling other
alleged oftenses for SIS.
1t is now alleged that in 1904 Wolf
took back more deer to North Dakota
than the law allows, something which
was lost sight of while the game COM
mission was prosecuting him for the
uIsC charge. IL Is this charge Mr.. Full
lerton says that Wolf offers to settle
on basis of SIS.
w. B. Douglas, attorney for the
game and fish commission, left yester-
day for Aitkin, where Wolf will be
tried, and settlement for the second
charge will be made for SIS, but at the
same time complaint will be made
against Wolf on charge of breaking
the game laws a third time by carry
ing off more deer on another occasion
than the law permits.
Three warrants were placed in the
hands of deputies at Brainerd, Moor
head and Breckenridge with instruc-
lions to watch for Wolf. He came
over to Moorhead on business last
week and was arrested on the first
charge, that of hunting without a
license.-MinneapOli Journal.
The evening times. [volume] (Grand Forks, N.D.) 1906-1914, 1906-07-18
A Triumph for BilIingsgate.

The Rev. Matthew Wilkes, GEL
ebrated London preacher, was caught
in shower in the famous Billings
gate Market, where the profanity of
the women who sell fish there is pro-
verbal. AS he stopped under shed
among them. he felt called upon to
at least give his testimony against
their wickedness.
Don't you think" said he. speak,
ing with the greatest deliberation and
solemnity, II shall appear as swift
witness against you in the day of
Judgment"
The evening times. [volume] (Grand Forks, N.D.) 1906-1914, 1906-07-18
Crossed.

It's always a love Of the yesteryear,
Whenever hear an old tune played,
comes pa, back with smiles in her blue
-, All golden haired and all unafraid;
lis always her hands that tits mine to
On shaded porch with a vineyard
And a, distant city to background
can see it-huddle of roofs and sky.
1 can see it--hnddle of roofs and sky,
And can feel the love and the laugh
In each rhythmic throb in each Tilt and
sigh,
They are messages out Of her heart
They are messages out of the ycster-
Dear messages they. yet my soul
From the love that looks from the blue
OF the maid, the maid who is not for
1t is strange how easy the best is lost
Lost out of our lives with fling Of
1t is strange how easy our lives are
BY the huddle of years that refuse to
wait;
But ever as old old tunes are plaved
IN harmonies that enthral and flow,
KISS KISS again In the perfumed shade
The hand of a maiden Of long ago.
When annie Laurie" awakes the
strings
OF a soft guitar or mandolin,
IL is then that the music of living
In the soul. and then that there en-
tiers in
The old sweet JOY I used to know
AND ! gaze In eyes love-lit and clear;
AND then. as the tune throbs low
thrObs low,
And dies. grieve for the yesteryear.
The evening times. [volume] (Grand Forks, N.D.) 1906-1914, 1906-07-18
Sileneing the Surgeon.

At certain dinner-table with Cen
eral Miles one night was distinguish
ed Washington surgeon, who listened
with certain air of superiority to
some of the soldiers "reminiscences of
various experiences during the civil
war.
And how do you feel, general" he
finally asked, with just touch of sar-
casm, after you've professionally
killed a man."
Oh replied General Miles, ~ dare
say l don't mind doing that any more
than Won do"
The evening times. [volume] (Grand Forks, N.D.) 1906-1914, 1906-07-18
Henrietta Crosman.

Henrietta Crosman will be here to-
night in her greatest New York sue
cess, the modern comedy, Mary, Mary,
Quite Contrary" in which she has
made much talked of success. In
deed, Miss Crossman captures public
fancy in whatever she does until thea
ter-goers have come to know for
certainty that she will be one of the
seasons phenomenal hits. Miss Cros-
mans visit to this city, therefore, is
looked forward to with much pleas
ure. She is sure to have a big audi
ence, as she is coming in a modern
comedy which is said to be the best
play she has ever had.
The evening times. [volume] (Grand Forks, N.D.) 1906-1914, 1906-07-18
An,usen,ents
Vaudeville.

The next appearance of the Orpheum
company is to be Monday, July %, as.
the company are booked for the bal
ance of the week in Fargo. The pro-
gram offered is little the best yet
and as a special feature offers Lewis
and Lessington in a spectacular come
dy with electrical effects entitled,
Seth Spinney's Troubles" Corinne's
new illustrated song is called Kate
Kearney. The moving pictures con-
tinue to be big feature at every per-
Torrance and among them will be a
trick film called THE Last Witch"
Get the Habit,
The evening times. [volume] (Grand Forks, N.D.) 1906-1914, 1906-07-18

Let reverence of law be breathed by
every mother to the, lisping babe that
the schools. seminaries. and colleges;
let It be written in primers, spelling
books and almanacs; let it be preached
lative halls and enforced in courts of
5uetice;. in short, let it become the
political religion of the nation"
Abraham Lincoln.
The evening times. [volume] (Grand Forks, N.D.) 1906-1914, 1906-07-18
AN IRIDESCENT DREAM.

Some of the state democracy are
entertaining the vain hope that in the
election this fall they will be able to
elect their state ticket, and possibly
secure the two congressman from this
state.
Just what they are basing this hope
upon has not SO far been disclosed. 1t
is a fact that the democrats always
carry the elections before the voting
takes place. but when the will of the
people is registered they are always
on the lost cause side. So far as demo-
Gratis as individuals are concerned,
they are just as honorable and as hon.
est as their political opponents. But
as a party charged with administra-
ton of state and national affairs and
carrying out the principles of political
economy which is their political faith,
they must of necessity fail, because the
very principles which they advocate
are contrary to the fundamental doc
trtnes of republic.
Their great idea is that we must
open our markets to the world. That
We must obliterate our national bound
aries so far as trade and commerce are
concerned and seek to deal wherever
the lowest prices can be had regard
less of what effect mat course will
have on the power and ability of the
nation to purchase in such markets.
1t is true that many things can be
purchased cheaper in other nations
than we can purchase them at home.
Wheat can be purchased cheaper
across the Canadian border than it can
in North Dakota. But if we opened the
wheat markets of the world to the
American buying trade the market of
the wheat growers would be ruined,
and while they might be able to buy
nour cheaper than they now do, they
would have their purchasing ability SO
reduced that they could not purchase
at any price.
1t is the same in every line of Amer
lean industry The democratic doc
trine is that we shall so reduce the
purchasing ability of the masses in
order that they may have the privilege
of buying in cheap market. The doc
trine Of republic is that the govern
ment shall pursue that policy which
will work the greatest good to the
greatest number The two are diamet-
really opposed to each other and
when put in force must naturally fail.
State governments are valuable to
political parties as aids in securing
advantages in national campaigns.
Without resorting to methods which
are disreputable and keeping strictly
within the rights and powers of a
political party the influence of state
administration Is a powerful lever in
winning the state for the presidential
electors and for congressman.
II the democrats in this state could
elect their state ticket this year it
would be decided advantage to them
ID securing the election of the presi-
dsDtial electors who cast the vote for
president in 1908 as well as securing
ths tyo congressman.
The people of North Dakota will
hesitate q long time before giving the
such an opportunity to
probably defeat republican for the
presidency as the power Of a demo-
xafic state administration would be.
The evening times. [volume] (Grand Forks, N.D.) 1906-1914, 1906-07-18

Ever since 1910 the skull of Sir
Thomas Browne has been on show in
a museum at Norwich. 1t has now
been restored to the vault whence it
was taken. Sylvanus Urban, in the
Gentleman's Magazine, condemns this
morbtdness and that of certain peo-
pie who proposed ito have Shakes
peare's skull similarly examined. LET
such ghoulishly-inclined busybodies,"
ne says, emphatically, "confine their
attention to the anatomy Of Jonathan
Wild"
The evening times. [volume] (Grand Forks, N.D.) 1906-1914, 1906-07-18
Hart Hit by Napoleon.

When Napoleon was only an officer
of artillery a Plussian officer said in
his presence, with much pride:
my countrymen fight only for
glory, but Frenchmen for money"
you are right" replied Napoleon:
leach of them fights for what he is
most in want Of
The evening times. [volume] (Grand Forks, N.D.) 1906-1914, 1906-07-18
No Chance Mt All.

When NJ. G. Scheitlin. now the feat
ure" man on the Chicago Record-Her-
aid. was working as a reporter in St.
Louis. he was sent one night to get
the story of the suicide of a Polish girl.
Scheitlin found the house filled with
neighbors, who were holding hilar-
ious wake. The master of ceremonies
was the girls brother. He seemed
rather proud of the distinction
brought On his house by his sisters
act. The brother welcomed the re-
porter effusively and told him the de-
tails. Then he said: "Would't you
like to see her?''
The reporter said he would. and the
brother elbowed his way through the
crowded room. shouting: Stand
back! Make way for the reporter"
The response to his command was not
so prompt as he would have liked. and
the brother said angrily: Stand back.
| tell you! Make room. You amt
giving the corpse a chance to breathe
The evening times. [volume] (Grand Forks, N.D.) 1906-1914, 1906-07-18
4 Powerful Salye.

A man in Nebraska has invented a
new powerful double-acting salve,
which shows powers never before ex-
hibited by salves of any kind.
The inventor accidentally cut the
tail of tame wolf, and, Immediately
applying some of the salve to the
stump, new tail grew out. Then
picking up the old tail, he applied
some of the salve to the raw end of
that, and wolf grew out; but he
was wild wolf and had to be shot.
The evening times. [volume] (Grand Forks, N.D.) 1906-1914, 1906-07-18
Lambs Unkind Thrust.

Charles Lamb, than whom no gentler
or kinder-hearted wit ever breathed.
at times found it impossible to re-
strain himself from the personal; as,
for instance, when he covered
friend with shame at whist party by
hurting out:
Cad, James, Tiff dirt were IT,
trumps. what hand you would have!"
The evening times. [volume] (Grand Forks, N.D.) 1906-1914, 1906-07-18
There. It's over at last. and may
the editor not see this in the proof

The Man does not want to be classed
as one who would willingly get his
fellow man into trouble. Far from it.
When he sees good. honest citizen
carrying a load of what is frequently
termed peaches" to use the language
of the street, and which means that he
discovers person in state of vim
iuos exhileration, he usually says moth
ing. He has frequently picked such
a persons hat up from the street and
placed it on his head while he gently
disengaged his fingers from their grasp
of friendly lamp post. All these
things are not philanthrophy, but they
are actuated from a sense of kindli-
ness and sympathy, for no man Is so
good but that, he has his little pecu-
liarities, and looking upon the wine
when it is red may be one of them.
But there is a limit and the Man
hereby serves notice that unless the
sidewalk leading north on certain
street in this city is not found suf-
ficiently wide in the future for a GER
tain we'll known and respected citizen
at about the hour of eleven o'clock
hereafter. and the Man again meets
him, and saying whoa" in joking
manner, witnesses the spectacle of
that individual at once seating himself
upon the sidewalk and pulling vigor-
ously at imaginary reins, he is going
to complain.
This very thing happened, and judg-
ing from the individuals earnestness,
he really imagined he was driving a
horse, and the task was no trivial one.
A word to the wise in sufficient.
The evening times. [volume] (Grand Forks, N.D.) 1906-1914, 1906-07-18
Thomas Lawson's Sharp Tongue.

A Marblehead fisherman reports
hearing, while out one day in the bay,
this bit of repartee between Thomas
Lawson and young woman, evidently
no respecter of PERSONS
AS Mr.. Lawson, in a naptha launch,
passed the rOwboat containing the girl.
she called out:
"Hullo, Tom. how's copper?"
Instantly came the retort: First
rat. How's brass?"
The evening times. [volume] (Grand Forks, N.D.) 1906-1914, 1906-07-18

IIIVUStU1 fOSt.
so Jinx is drinking again?"
Yes"
But | thought he had sworn OFF,"
So he did, but he started drinking
again because of his dog"
Because OF his dog?"
Yes: the first night he went home
sober his dog didn't recognize him and
he had to go away and get drunk be-
fore he could get in the yard"
The evening times. [volume] (Grand Forks, N.D.) 1906-1914, 1906-07-18
THE REPUBLICAN TICKET.

. 90 o % . 800 y . . o . . . . . .
y Congressman .
= A. J. GRONNA, of Nelson .
y T. F. MARSHALL, of Dickey. .
= Governor .
E. Y. SARLES, of Trail. .
. Lieutenant Governor .
. r. S. LEWIS, of Cass. .
8 Treasurer o
. A. PETERSON, of Sargent. Q
y Auditor .
= H. L. HOLMES. of Pembina. .
= Secretary of State .
ALFRED BLAISDELL. of Ward. o
y Insurance Commissioner o
. E. c. Cooper, of Grand Forks. 9
. Attorney General .
. T. F. M'CUE. of Foster. .
o Supreme Court Justices .
Q D. E. MORGAN, of Ramsey. .
JOHN KNAUF, of Stutsman. .
. Commissioner Of Agriculture .
w. C. GILBREATH, of Morton. .
= Railroad Commissioners .
9 c. S. DlESEM, of LaMoure. .
ERICK STAFNE. of Richland. .
. CHARLES WESLEY, of Pierce.
. ><%@ 8 . o % . o % 9 o . o o :. .
The evening times. [volume] (Grand Forks, N.D.) 1906-1914, 1906-07-18
Tied.

philadelphia Press
he led her to the altar:
Twas merely tit for tat,
He led her to the altar,
She led him after that.
The evening times. [volume] (Grand Forks, N.D.) 1906-1914, 1906-07-18
Tact Of Disraeli.

When it was more expedient to evade
question than to give definite
answer. Disraeli could do so with con-
summate tact. A story illustrative
OF this is told in the Memoirs of
Mary Duchess of Teck"
The great statesman was very fond
Of the princess and admired her grasp
OF political problems; but he never
allowed himself to be charmed into
telling Cabinet secrets.
One evening at dinner. during a
crisis in foreign affairs, Princess
Mary, who was puzzled at the inaction
of the government, turned to him and
said:
What are We waiting for, Mr.. Dis
raeli?
The Prime Minister paused for a
moment to take up the menu, and,
looking at the princess, gravely re-
piled:
Mutton and potatoes. madam"
The evening times. [volume] (Grand Forks, N.D.) 1906-1914, 1906-07-18

Ii man knows you, and speaks to
YOU. and you do not know him, he will
hate you.
The evening times. [volume] (Grand Forks, N.D.) 1906-1914, 1906-07-18

When Western young man chases
chorus girls he hasn't any valet
around to squeal on him afterward.
The evening times. [volume] (Grand Forks, N.D.) 1906-1914, 1906-07-18
Art and Business.

New York SUM-
Summer Boarder-It is so pictures
que to watch the cows come home.
Farmer-There's more money in It
when they stay on the railroad track.
The evening times. [volume] (Grand Forks, N.D.) 1906-1914, 1906-07-18

You often say, no doubt, that GER
tain persons make you tired. Possibly
you have no room to talk.
The evening times. [volume] (Grand Forks, N.D.) 1906-1914, 1906-07-18

FOR SALE-l906 CADILLAC RUNA-
bout. used one week. Cost $3.50, will
sell FOR $3.50. Perfect condition. Ad-
st. Paul
The evening times. [volume] (Grand Forks, N.D.) 1906-1914, 1906-07-18

Dying is not SO bad as giving ND
good things to eat years before you
die.
The evening times. [volume] (Grand Forks, N.D.) 1906-1914, 1906-07-18

Keep away from people you dislike;
and don't talk about them.
The evening times. [volume] (Grand Forks, N.D.) 1906-1914, 1906-07-18

We should think corset would he
mighty hot in summer.
The evening times. [volume] (Grand Forks, N.D.) 1906-1914, 1906-07-18

A woman was on the street TODAY
wearing a peekaboo waist with such
large meshes that a baby could nurse
through them.
The evening times. [volume] (Grand Forks, N.D.) 1906-1914, 1906-07-18
BITS OF BYPLAY.
@@@@@%@e@~@a@
Afraid of Its Job.
[Philadelphia Ledger

philadelphia Ledgerl
The tetanus germ was out of humor.
OF course" it said, Its our mission
to get into the human system, but
since all this talk about tainted meat
I'm getting a little squeamish."
The evening times. [volume] (Grand Forks, N.D.) 1906-1914, 1906-07-18

. {. 9 . @ . o o o 8 o o
lAtchison (Kan.) Globe.l
Nobody can find fish biting like a
magazine writer.
The evening times. [volume] (Grand Forks, N.D.) 1906-1914, 1906-07-18

HAIR COMB, TRIMMED
with Roman gold. Finder return to
Evening Times Office.
The evening times. [volume] (Grand Forks, N.D.) 1906-1914, 1906-07-18

: good barber attracts more atten
ton than an Indifferent lawyer.
The evening times. [volume] (Grand Forks, N.D.) 1906-1914, 1906-07-18

OF early experiences In journalism he
ever made the attempt. he either was
thrown out of the Office or his MSS.
returned without even thank you.
Poets are born-nOt made-and the
Man, while he didn't grow like Topsy,
was always minus the poets fancy.
Imagine a common, every day news
paper man out in North Dakota for
moment considering himself poet.
Ridiculous!
He rose at dawn and fired with hope,
Shot DER the seething harbor bar, etc
some fellow wrote and the world has
called him poet.
Why man should get up at sunrise
and shoot" over the harbor bar in
light skiff is beyond the conception of
any sane person. A fellow who has
worked "a hours or even IL THAT is
the newspaper mans usual time) pre-
fers to sleep at dawn if he can.
And all this is by way of apology.
for here's an effort" and take it for
what it's worth, dear reader:
We wouldn't mind the weather.
We wouldn't mind the heat
THAT is found upon Third street,
We wouldn't mind the breezeless
And hot and breathless night,
And we could stand the tOrrid
And scorchng day all right;
Nor kick at perspiration.
Nor ice bills. not at all;
And never, never. never.
Wish for an early fall,
If when the weathers hottest
And when we fairly reek
With streams of perspiration,
And we are growing weak,
If meath the scorching heaven.
The clOudless dome and blue,
No one would ever ask us. rs
1t hot enough for you?"
There. It's over at last. and may
The evening times. [volume] (Grand Forks, N.D.) 1906-1914, 1906-07-18
Sunflower Philosophy.

; @.@ > . . 0 > . .
The evening times. [volume] (Grand Forks, N.D.) 1906-1914, 1906-07-18
The Dogs Fault.

[HoustOn Post.J
link is drinking again ?"
East Oregonian : E.O. (Pendleton, OR) 1888-current, 1906-04-20
About 500 Dead.

Oakland, April 20.-The belief is
growing the loss of life will only reach
about 500 in San Francisco. Hundred
thousand refugees are here.
Dealers in food are notified If they
are caught raising the price of foods
1t will be confiscated by the authori-
ties.
The authorities have confiscated
every bit of provisions they could find
without owners, issuing to the people
the same as to the soldiers. Many
people cannot accustom themselves to
the army ration. Rich men and poor
men are working side by side digging
trenches for the dead. Some OBJ
jected, but the relentless troops know
no distinction and force all men able
to bear shovel to work at least one
hour.
Three hundred thousand homeless
people slept last night under canvas
and on the ground. The fire came
very close to Fort Mason. General
Funston is doing all possible to reduce
suffering. The people are fairly COM
Portable, but the heavy dew and fog
is causing much distress.
Only five were killed in Oakland.
San Francisco houses are opening
up offices here.
East Oregonian : E.O. (Pendleton, OR) 1888-current, 1906-04-20
Clean Sweep to Water Front.


Chicago, April 20.-A Western
Union wire from San Francisco this
morning says no one is in from The
fire since midnight.
Fire has started afresh on the
south end OF the line of the fire and
will undoubtedly sweep clean every
thing to the water front. People are
crowding the docks to take the first
steamer sailing.
Railway Mail Clerks Story.
Los Angeles, April 20.-Caught by
the first shock at San Francisco, in
the street. EN- route to report for duty,
C. f. Presscn, a railway mail clerk,
has just reached here. He says:
81 was in my car when the shock
came, just after Wednesday morn
ing. There was one great detonating
roar and succession of frightful
shocks. Flames broke out every
where. All the passengers alighted
but could not walk while the shock
lasted.
THE shock appeared to come from
east to west and from north to south,
with also a vertical motion. There
was no oppression in the atmosphere
to give warning. Falling walls made
noises like cannon.
walking down Mission street I
met several women In their night
clothes, calling for their little ones,
and saw men rushing through half
fallen buildings, throwing clothes to
women in the streets. In the postof-
flee, the beautiful marble was broken
and piled so one could not get into
the doors. The plaster was broken
and men injured by falling debris.
II saw burning, falling buildings
everywhere and wagons carting dead
and injured to the emergency hos
pitals."
Was In the Palace Hotel.
Richard Cole, San Francisco bus
mess man, arrived late in this city.
He said he thought that but for the
fire Frisco would have been no worse
off than Oakland. He said:
II was in the Palace hotel at tn.
time OF the shock. Was aroused and
had to cling to the foot of the bed
to keep my footing. 1 then grabbed
my clothes and made my way to the
street. The people seemed crazy. wo-
men begged the soldiers to allow them