The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1906-03-25
BY George AIDE.
Copyright, 1906. by George Ade.)

a MONTH before sailing I Wis
~ tied the floating skyscraper
- - which was to bear US away.
It was hitched to dock in Hoboken,
and it reminded me of st. Bernard
dog tied by a silken thread. It was
the biggest skiff ahoat, with an obser
vatory on the roof and covered porches
running all the way around. 1t was
very large boat.
After inspecting the boat and APPROX
ing Of it, 1 selected room with south
ern exposure. Later on, when we
sailed, the noble craft backed into the
river and turned around before heading
for the old world, and I found myself
on the north side Of the ship, with
nothing coming in at the portfolio ex-
cept a current Of cold air direct from
Labrador.
This room was on the starboard or
port side of the ship--I forget which
After travelling nearly one million
miles, more or less, by steamer am still
unable to tell which is starboard and
which is port. I can tell time by the
ships bell if you let me use a pencil,
but starboard' means nothing to me-.
In order to make it clear to the reader,
I will say that the room was on the
"haw' side of the boat. thought I
was getting the "gee' side as the YES
sci lay at the dock, but l forgotithat
it had to turn around in order to start
for Europe, and found myself 'Ehaw. =
/ complained to one Of the officers and
said that I had engaged stateroom
with southern exposure He said they
couldn It back up all the way across the
Atlantic just to give me the sunny
side Of the boat. This closed the
incident. He did explain, however,
that if I remained in the ship and went
back with them would have southern
exposure all the way home. IS.
~-.~-.~. !, !. +
The unexpected manner in which the
boat turned around has suggested to me
a scheme for a revolving apartment
house. The building will be set or
gigantic casters and will revolve slowly
so that every apartment will have {
southern exposure at certain hours Of
the day, to say nothing of the .advant
age of getting new view every few
minutes 1t is well known that apart
looking the boulevard command ;
double rental. When every apartment
may have southern exposure and fac
the main thorofare, think of the tire
mendous increase in revenues! ex
planned my scheme for revolving
apartment house to a gentleman from
St. Joe, Mo-, whom I met in tn
smoking room, and he has agreed t.
give it financial backing.
!. !.
Our ship. was the latest thing gu,
To say that it was about 700 feet lon
and nearly sixty feet beam and 42,00
tons displacement does not give
graphic idea Of it's huge proportions
A New Yorker might understand i
told that this ship, stood on end, woul
be about as tall as two Flatiron builc
ings spliced end to end.
Out in; Indiana this comparison wa
unavailing, as few Of the resident
have seen the -Flatiron building an
only small percentage Of them hav
any desire to see it. So when
Hoosier acquaintance asked me som,
thing about the ship led him out int
reach from the railroad to the Presb,
terrain church. He looked at the depo
and then he looked up street at tt
distant Presbyterian church, and the
he looked at me and walked ava
Every statement that I make in N
native town is received without doub
People have mistrusted me ever SIM
I came home years ago and announce
that was working.
Evidently he repeated what hs
said, for in few minutes another res
dent came up and casually asked n
something about the ship and wanted
know how long she was. / repeats
the Presbyterian church story. F
merely remarked IT thought Bill W
lynn to me,'' and then went his wa
It Is hard to live down careful
acquired reputation, and therefore t.
statement as to the length OF the vesS
was regarded as a specimen outbu'
Of native humor When / went on
say that the boat would have on boa
three times as many people as the
were in our whole town, that she h
seven decks, superimposed like the Ia
ers of jelly cake; that elevators c;
ried passengers from one deck
another, that a daily newspaper "
printed on board and that brass ba
gave concerts every day, to say nothi
Of the telephone exchange and the fl
bureau Of information, then all dou
was dispelled and my local standing
a dealer in morbid fiction was large
fortified.
EuHow about the skating rink
asked the druggist.
eeThere is no skating rink, but thu
is a large gymnasium supplied W!
mechanical horses and camels, SO tt
a passenger may take a long ride
fore breakfast. -
Garry any vet mary surgeonsq"
emo, but two doctors. Also tn
is a book store and florist s shop
It was gospel truth, every word of
but they listened and tried to X