Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1906-01-06
The RefOrr11ist

formist he. could not fix by exact date.
He had always had a fellow feeling
for his fellow men and had always
wished them to walk in straight paths,
but he had arrived at middle age be-
fore this feeling began to lie heavily
on his mind When he started out in
the reforming business there were peo-
pie who called it fad and referred to
him as daffy, but no matter how good
the cause there are people who will al
ways speak i'll of it.
Nickelby's family went to the coun-
try, and he occupied the house O
nights. One night at midnight he was
awakened from his sound sleep by
hand being laid on his shoulder. Ee
opened his eyes to see a stranger how
ering over him.
''AIr. NickeIby," said the man, 81 am
burglar. | have called to talk with
you. l have taken the liberty Of pre-
pairing little lunch downstairs, and 1
should like to have you join me-"
''This seems to be a gigantic piece of
cheek" replied the refOrmist as he got
slowly cut of bed. eff I'd had one min
utes notice I'd have been ready to
send bullet into your
'"ThatS human inconsistency. For
years you have been wanting to have
free, frank chat with a burglar and
convince him of the error of his ways
and bring about a reformation.
come at last, and you are sorry that
you Gid not meet me with a bullet"
"But you have broken into my
house!'
But that is a part of my business
Having broken into your house as
have you cannot doubt that am what
claim to be. Let us now go down to
the lunch"
Mr.. Nickelby didn't like it at all. He
wanted all burglars to reform, but he
wanted it done by programme. The
lunch didn't amount to much. Aside
from four ham sandwiches brought in
by the burglar himself there were a
bottle of wine taken from the cellar
and supply of cigars. The burglar
mOtioned his host to seat at the head
of the table, passed him a sandwich
and a glass Of wine and then courtc-
Ously said:
'Now go ahead and ask me any
questions you will. 1t will be the first
time L have ever submitted to an in
terview."
''This house is defended by burglar
alarm, and 1 don't see how you en-
tered it," replied the reformist, who
couldn't get over his feelings in the
matter.
EASY as pie, my dear sir. I had
only to cut the wire outside the house.
Do you wish to know why 1 became
burglar?"
''You can state the case if you wish,
but tomorrow I'll raise hob with the
police for not spotting you off before
you got in here"
Don't do it. Statistics will show
that there are just as many burglaries
now as before policeman was invent
ed. You would only be throwing your
time away. At thirty years old was
a minister of a congregation in q coun-
try town. My salary was 5000 a year
and was behind half the time. 1 made
| 1 have made an average of $4,000 a
/ year as against you. Have you any
criticisms to make? Have you any
thing as good to offer me if / will re-
| form?"
You'd get at least five years if ar
rested for breaking in here" sulkily
replied the reformist.
mot a doubt of it, but shan't be
arrested. If I promise to mend my
ways can you get me job of driving
an ice wagon at SO per weeks"
''You ought to reform because it is
wrong to be criminal"
ooh, had L? l ought to walk the
streets looking for a job because
want to be an honest man. How about
every alderman in town? How about
every merchant? How about the tens
OF thousands Of men who are cheating
and swindling and robbing every day?
Go to a man who sells coffee. 1t is 80
per cent adulteration. Will he stop be-
cause you say it is wrong?"
"But you are BURGLAR
at is a distinction without differ
ence. Instead Of robbing the city 1 rob
one residence Instead Of mixing half
cotton with my wool 1 use false keys
to enter a dwelling. You are in the
cloth business There are more tricks
in your trade than in. mine. Are you
willing to reform? %
IF you had come to me and said you
wanted to reform 1 should have stood
| ready Toto
Eyes; go on. You would have stood
ready to give me a dollar and your best
advice, and within a week / would
have been a starving man. 1t won't Go,
old fellow. It's all sawdust. We are
all out for the dough, including your
self, and none of us is going to give up
q good thing for the sake of free soup
and a bed under a stairway. Cut it
out and save your wind. Now, then, /
have packed up a bundle in the hail. 1t
contains a few pieces of silver, two