The new age. [volume] (Portland, Or.) 1896-1905, 1906-02-17

point?" "a little thing that asks
questions. The Schoolmaster.
Bobbie-What are his political con-
victions? Jobbie-Oh, he's liable to
be convicted at any time.-Town Top
les.
Kn1cker-What became Of Chauf-
feur? Bocker-He absent-mindedly
crawled under a mule to see why 1t
didn't go.-New York Sun.
Judge-Six months Cos Cob Con-
All, wot a relief! Now l kin stop
worrying about where I'm going ter
spend de summer.-Puck.
But why do you live in the city If
you don't like itT II have to live
here to make money enough to keep
up my country place."-Ex.
Knicker-So your wife went to the
country to study natures book? Book
er-Yes, and from the size of her ho-
tel bill it must be among the six best
sellers.-Ex.
Mrs. Knicker-How long will you
be away this summer? Mrs. Booker
i don't know. l shall stay $1,000
at the seaside and $500 at the noun
tains.-New York Sun.
Doctor Ito pressing creditor)-If you
must bring your bill every day, at
least you might come with your head
tied up, so that people would think
you were a patient!-London Tit-Bits.
A young theologian named Fiddle
Refused to accept his degree
For" said he, "'tis enough to be Fid-
die,
Without being Fiddle D. D."
Puck.
Benham-I have had my life in.
sured for FIVE thousand dollars In your
favor. Mrs. Benham-Well, I'll be
glad to have the money, but 1 think
you've overestlmated your value
Smart Set
Say" asked the first messenger
boy, got any novels to swap?" Il
got 'Snake-foot Dams Revenge" re,
piled the other. us 1t long story p
Nav! Ye kin finish it easy In two
messages. Philadelphia Press.
What Is your order, sirT" asked
the waiter. Bring me some frenzied
eggs" said the man with the napkin
tucked under his chin. And presently
there was a distinctly audible scram-
BILE In the kitchen.-Chicago Tribune
At the Hub.-A New Yorker was
visiting in Boston. Seeing a parrot in
cage, he asked: Does Polly want
a cracker" II require no sustenance
from you whatever" replied the Back
Bay bird, with MISUNDERSTANDING
That Mrs. Snaggs is too much of
a aristycraft fur me to mingle wild"
"How's thatY "She was knocked
down by a pushcart and she had 1t
put into the paper dat she was hit by
an automobile. Detroit Free Press.
Boss" began the beggar, won't
yer help a poor" See here"' in
terrupted Goodheart. 81 gave you
some money last week" "Well. gee
whiz! amt yer earned any more
Observation-Disclosures Public Ledger.
Mother-WilHe, you must stop ask.
Ing your father questions. Don't you
see they annoy him? Willie-No'm;
it amt my questions that annoy him.
It's the answers he can't give that
make him mad-Philadelphia Ledger.
"See here" cried the bill collector,
"this bill I've been bringing here so
often is getting worn out, and so Is
my patience!' Gee whiz, man." re-
piled the debtor, 80 is your welcome,
If you only knew it!'-Philadelphia
Press.
Miss Peechie-I want a hammock
that will not break down. Polite clerk
Can't guarantee any of 'em, miss.
Miss Peechie-Why, that's strange!
Polite Clerk-Not at all. We'd do it If
you were a homely girl, but-'-
Cleveland Leader.
Il Think he said, that / am now
just about even with the world"
hNen Will TIE WOTluI Even with
the world3" Yes. l figure that 1
have now reached a point where owe
just about as many people as l don't
e"-BrOoklyn Eagle.
Tramp-It Is needless to ask you
the question, madame. You know
what l want Lady-Yes, 1 know
what you want badly, but I've only
one bar Of soap in the house, and the
servant is using it. Come again some
other time.-Glasgow Times.
He-As soon as we are married,
dearest, l will take out an endowment
insurance policy, SO that you may be
protected. She-Don't you think you'd
better take out an accident insurance
policy now, George? You haven't spo-
ken to father yet, you know-Phila-
delphia Press.
You claim that the railways dis
criminate against your YES" an
swered Farmer Corntossel. Three of
my neighbors have got damages for
cows that were killed. I've let my
cattle stray all over the track and the
pesky engineer refuses to hit any one
of 'em. Washington Star.