The sun. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1833-1916, 1906-04-08
EXCUSES GIVEN IN COURT.
Some That Were Plausible Enough to Clear
Defendants OF Charges.

TTuW Ht LOHuOH GtOOV.
To frame excuses that will melt the magis-
terial heart requires the skill of an artist.
and Is, indeed. a fine art-unless II Is a science
and one In which a genius alone can hope to
succeed. Conventional excuses are of little
avail, and yet a oursory study ofthe examples
here given will show that the successful
excuse should be at least plausible, for
totally irrelevant pleas are rarely accepted.
A foreign lady, poor but dishonest. for
instance, who entered a temporarily vacant
house. annexed a tablecloth, clock, lamp
and the provender provided for the meals
Of the real occupants, on being arrested and
brought before the Judge. addressed him as
follows. but without avail: an. lie Juge
dInstructlon. your face Is beautiful. bland.
and benign. 1t reminds mi Of my deceased
husband. a man always gay and smiling,
who would never have e fused a favor to a
distin guished WON an. I am the authoress
OF a novel. My Angel Release me and l
promise to immortalize you In my next work.
l demand my liberty" The Judge. however.
was ungallant enough TO doubt her sanity.
and the case-lnlike that which was per-
sonally defended by a young lady, who stated
that she had bargained for a piece of tapestry
with figures worked AS handsome in appear
ance as my Lord the President there; but
the plaintiffs palm me of with figures as ugly
as that OF Monsieur the plaintiff g advocate
was lost.
A man who some time ago was charged at
Bow Street with being drunk and disorderly
on being asked what he had TO say was dis
charged when he put forward the following
trite excuse: Its in a nutshell. your Wor-
ship-too much liquor, no solids. collapse
ard consequences" This was very much 10
the point, especially when compared to the
reply OF a woman aged 81. who was charged
at Lambeth with the same offence shortly
afterward. All! your Wo rship." she ex-
plaipad "J'n tha nother IF welye chilHrpn
that's what / am. And the last time it was
twins-here they are ow-and that was only
seven weeks ago" Presumably, his Worship
considered the i~nfiction OF twins as a sufficient
e]xtenuation for the offence, for he told her to
go away and not do it again.
The plea of a boy burglar when recently
brought up at Harlesden for having entered
a house and stolen a water can was some
what unique. Having confessed to breaking
into the house by forcing the back window
catch. he stated that all he did to the house
was to wind the clocksl
Some little time ago a man found In pos
session of two rabbits offered as an e1plana-
ton the statement that he saw five rabbits
in a ditch, that he fell on them and killed
two by breaking their necks. The Magis-
trate decided that the story, though pic
turesque. was unoonvincing.
When some little time ago a milkman was
called upon TO explain at Lambeth why his
wares contained D per cent. OF water, ne re-
marked: 1T was raining Heavens hard. and
the sample was taken in the middle OF the
street. an explanation that was considered
sufficient. but the lettering Individual who
gently suggested that q formidable Jenny
found hidden in a secret pocket OF his coat
was his kitchen poker failed to get the benefit
Of the doubt that did not exist.
Ingenious. too. was the plea OF a man tried
al Kidderminster for coming and uttering
counterfeit coin. who said that he should
plead guilty. but asked that his wife should
be acquitted on the ground that when married
she was told to love. honor and obey. and
that she had only acted up to her marriage
vows
The man who said he stole two fowls in
order to see II his nerves were sufficiently
braoed up to permit him passing a constable
without trembling with fear made a splendid
effort to get away from the conventional,
but "the most ingenious defence" the MaRis-
trate at Marlborough street ever heard. ac-
cording to his own statement. was pleaded
In 1901 by a laborer charged with stealing a
fur necklet from a shop. Said he: Il plead
guilty of having 1t on my arm. but the wind
blew It there, The man In the shop said it
was his, and l said All right; take it,"