The Washington times., 1906-07-15

brOWS WredtlS VI p''9oH
ivv (that is for idiocy),
and wander. hand in hand, with
sociology in the summer fields.
Likely as not the world is fat
The wise men have tried To prove
that it, is round, with Indifferent
success. They pointed out to us
ship going to sea, and bade az
observe that, at length. the con-
veNity of the earth hid from our
view all but the vessels topmast
But we picked up telescope and
looked, and saw the decks and hull
again. Then the wise men said:
"Dh, pshaw. anyhow, the variation
Of the intersection of the equator
and the ecliptic proves it. We
could not see this through our tele-
scope. so we remained silent. But
it stands TO reason that, if the
world were round. the queues Of
Cinnamon would stand straight up
from their heads instead of hang
ing down their backs, as travellers
assure us they do.
Another hot weather corrobora-
tion of the fiat theory is the fact
that all of life, as we know it,
moves in little, uuuvai!ing circles.
More justly than To anything else,
il can be lillened 10 the game of
baseball. Crack, we hit the ball.
and away we go. If we can earn
run Gn life we call il success) we
get back 10 the home plate and
sit upon bench. If we are thrown
out, we walk back TO the home
plate-and sit upon a bench.
The circumnavigators Of the al
legged globe may have sailed the
rim of "A watery circle back to the
same port again. The truly great
return at the high tide of their
attainments TO the simplicity of a
child. The biIlionaire sits down NJ
his mahogany 10 his bowl of bread
and milk When YOU reach the end
of your career, just take down the
sign Coal" and look at the other
side of it. You Will find beginning
Point" there. 1t has been reversed
while YOU were going around the
track.
But this is humor, and must ba
stopped. Let MS get back 10 the
serious questions that arise when
ever sociology turns summer board
er. You are invited TO consider the
scene of the story-wild Atlantic
waves laundering against a wooded
and rock-bound shore ii in the
Greater City of New York.
The town OF Fishampton, on the
south shore of Long Island, is noted
for its clam fritters and the sum-
mer residence OF Van Plushvelts.
The Van Pmshvelts have hum
dred million dollars, and their name
is household word with tradesmen
and photographers.
On the l5,h of June the Van
Plushvelts boarded up the front
door of their city house, carefully
deposited their cat on the sidewalk,
instructed the caretaker not 10 al
low it TO eat any of the ivy on the
walls. and wh;zzed away in a 40
horsepower 10 Fishampton 10 stray
alone i'm the shade-Amaryllis not
being i'm their class. If YOU are a
subscriber TO the Toadies' Naga-
zine, YOU have often You say
YOU are not? Well, You buy it at
a newsstand, thinking that the
newsdealer is not wise 20 you. But
he knows about il all. He knows
he knows! 1 say that you have
often seen in the Toadies' Maga-
zine pictures of the Van Plush
velts' summer home; so it viii not
he described here. Our business is
with Young Haywood Plushvelt,
sixteen years old, heir to the cen
turv of millions. darling of the
financial gods. and great grandson
of Peter Nan Plushvelt, former
owner of a particularly fine cab
bage patch that has been ruined
bv an intrusive lot or downtown
skysCrapers.
One afternoon young Haywood
Van Pmshvelt strolled out between
the granite gate posts of Dolce
far Niente"-that's what they
called the place; and 1T was an inn
provement Ola dolce Far Bockaway.
can tell YOU.
Haywood walked down into the
village. He was human, after
all, and his prospective millions
weighted upon him. Wealth had
wreaked uPoE him its direfulest.
He was the product of private tu-
tors. Even under his first hobby
horse had tan bark been strewn.
He had been born with a gold
spoon, lobster fork, and fish set in
his mouth. For which hope. later.