Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1906-09-29
IN THE AGE OF TRUTH

In the age Of absolute veracity-some-
where, say, around A. D. 190o6-the obtu-
airy sketches published in the newspapers
will have a cleavage to the utter and un-
deviating line Of un1inching fact some
thing after the following forms:
Specimen No. 1.-James 8. Kersplosh,
the 'Teenth street manufacturer Of wigs
and artificial hair, died at his home last
evening. aged fifty-three years. Mr.. Ker-
splosh had been Ill for about ten days. His
ailment was delirium tremens. Four spe-
cialist in maniapotu worked unavail-
ingly over Mr.. Kersplosh throughout his
illness, but they could do nothing owing
to the fact that during their absence from
the sick room their patient secretly subsi-
died his household servants to bring him
in unlimited quantities of liquor. The
funeral arrangements have not yet been
made
Mr. Kersploshs family is not particular
ly bereaved. His wife and children have
been aware for some years that he would
inevitably meet the end which came to him
yesterday evening. Inasmuch as he had
uniformly treated his wife and children
with great harshness while in his cups, 1t
is not to be expected that they shouid
mourn him as they might have had ne oeen
better husband and father.
James s. Kerplosh came to this city
about twenty-eight years ago and estab-
lished himself in the wig-making business.
He exhibited no industry or thrift what
ever, but inasmuch this place was at
that time without wig artificial hair
mandatory his business proved success
full. in spite of the fact that its head spent
most of his time playing pinochle for the
drinks and pin-pool for the same In rum
DRUMS around town.
Mr.. Kersplosh had not been quite sober,
to the knowledge Of many perfectly vera
cious citizens, for something like quarter
Of a century. Something like two decades
ago he was in the police court for having
beaten his wife. The case was proved
against him and he paid q heavy fine Tor
it. Since that time Mr.. Kersplosh has vir-
tually ignored his wife and family, al
though. as stated above. there were fire.
quent occasions when he treated them with
the most consummate cruelty.
Although he spent money profusely upon
himself, Mr. kersplosh left a comfortable
fortune, due to the fact that through the
instrumentalty of his relatives guardian
was appointed over his person and estate
several years ago. Mr.. Kersplosh did not
have the respect Of this community, and
it is not expected that there will be any
considerable turnout at his interment.
Specimen No. 2-It Is with no especial
regret that we chronicle the death, yester-
day afternoon, of Edwin G. Kickheap, the
largely known-but not well known-real
estate broker. The cause Of Mr.. Kick
heaps death is given out as nervous pros
tration, superinduced by the heat and
some financial losses he is said to have in
CURED a few weeks ago. 1t has been as
certained however, that some weeks ago
Mr.. kickheap attempted to instruct q
cleaning the street in front Of his house
as to how they should do their work. He
spoke to the street-cleaners in his manner
of customary arrogance. not to say bru-
into him and staked him to a thorough
trouncing. Mr.. Kfckheap had not been
well since that time. We may add that
no effort is to be made to single out the
Rxyn e-fr <1l.n ,,,.;-A ~
thrashing to Mr. Kickheap. There is
feeling in this community that if they are
to be singled out at all it should only be
for the purpose OF comforting some SUBJ
stant1al reward upon them for having ex-
hibited the nerve to rebuke the deceased.
who for many years has been known in
this city as a confirmed, hopeless. domi-
neering and intolerable kicker about
everything on earth and in the waters be-
meath the earth.
Mr.. KickheaD had been engaged in the
real estate business in this city for nearly
thirty-four years. during all of which time
came in contact. AS agent for a number Of
tenement houses occupied by very poor
people he was notorious for his habit of
turning them out in the street in mid
winter If they were but hour overdue
in the payment of their rent. Mr.. Kick
heap never by any chance had a kind word
for anybody. His entire life was one long
drawn-out crouch. His wife. most
PEELED to leave him many years ago. and
she has since that time lived with relatives
In Michigan, supporting herself by doing
fancy work. for she has resolutely refused
! to accept any aid from her husband, If. in
deed, any has been extended. None Of Mr..
Kickheap's grown and married children has
visited him for number of years. All
who knew the deceased were delighted
when it was rumored about few weeks
ago that he had lost considerable portion
of his Accommodations in bad investments.
The interment will take place in Paramount
cemetery. Mr.. Kickheap was a profitable
advertiser in this paper. but facts are facts,
and they cannot be gainsaid.
Specimen No. 3.-Announce1nent IS made
Of the death last evening Of klusphist J.
Tightwad, the proprietor OF the Jenkins
street department store known as THE
Emporium" The cause OF Mr.. Tightwad's
death is given out as acute govt. but this
is deemed a somewhat sardonic joke by his
friends, or. rather, those who were we'll &C
quainted with Mr.. Tightwad. Inasmuch as
govt, acute other, is nearly always
ISOLATED with a plentiful supply of food, the
folks we'll acquainted with Mr.. Tightwad's
extraordinary righteousness and the man.
ifestations thereof that he has SHOWN in
this community for many years, cannot be-
leve that govt was the real cause Of his
death. 1t is well-known fact that Mr..
Tightwad has been too penurious for sew
eral years past. Notwithstanding his large
wealth to purchase enough food for him
self or his family, and it would be far
more DelleVaDle that ne naQ OeQ OF dIaemld
following lack of nourishment
Mr.. Tightwad was the town miser. No
body will dispute this fact-certainly not
the members of his own family, who have
VIGOROUSLY suffered through his obsession
for boarding for many years. We are free
to say of the deceased that he has never
been known to do one nice thing since he
came into our midst He never gave the
orphan or the widow penny. Nothing
ever affected him to the loosening up
point. He paid his employees the meanest
salaries paid by any merchant Of the same
character in the city. He would provide
them with no little comforts. Although
wealthy man, he drove his children-boys
and girs-out to the bitterest and hardest
kind Of labor in their earliest days, when
they should have been at school. He never
bought himself a decent suit of clothes.
He went around this community for forty
years looking like SLOUGH. because he was
too penurious to clad himself decently. He
never gave a nickel to a hospital. He
never helped out of difficulty any man
who had helped him in his younger years.
Kindness was not in him. His one ambi-
ton was to hoard gold. At this he succeed
ed, but there are no pockets in a shroud.
Early in life Mr.. Tghtwad Joined num-
Der Of fraternal organizations. but he was
dropped from all of them because of his re-
fusal to pay the small dues. Mr.. Tight
uad'a demise does not leave any signs of