The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1906-09-13

for pork. De butcher already had him
by de hind laig and de water was ready
to scald de bristles off of him when he
awoke in a cold sweat. 1t was Jest
midnight and at de same minit an owl
hOoted and a dawg hOwled. Brudder
Bebee started for my house on dead
run to ask me to explain. In five min
utes | tiggered it out dat he had sun
thin comm to him, and, 10, only three
days had passed when one of his chill
Zen sOt de house afire wild a match
and it was burned to de ground. Brud-
der Bebee had about hundred dollars
with Of furniture. 1t was insured for
four hundred and fifty, as might have
been expected from sich prudent man
as him. He got cherry dollar of it from
de insurance company, and OATS de
reason his family am now wearin' dia-
mond pins and libin on de fat O. de
land.
LAS TO SIGNS.
"As to signs" continued the presi-
dent, amid most profound stiffness,
you have 'em yere in plenty and you
should commit each and cherry one to
memory.
IF you see a black cat chasin' a
white dawg along de road and dey pass
cock eyed man as dey go, dat is
sign of Il hard winter to come. Look
around you and locate de nearest wood
pile or coal yard.
IF yaller dawS bowls at midnight
under your winder and won't 20 away
after you have pelted him wild sticks
of wood, but keeps right at it until YOU
go out and threaten to hit him wild de
whole front fence, make up your mind
dat calamity am at hand. You may
be arrested befO' you get home wild de
next chicken or WATERMELON or one of
de chilrn am gwlne to fall down de
well or off de roof.
IF the sun comes up in de mawnin'
like a ball of fire and de wind am
from de west and a humpbacked man
passes your cabin wild a bunch of cat
nip under his arm don't leave de house
dat day. 1t am sign of mad dogs.
Sit on de doah steps, wild u pile of
brickbats beside you. and be prepared
to die game.
IF you sit down in canary colored
street kyar wild a red dashboard and
find yourself between u clubfooted wo-
man and Il knock kneed man git right
out as soon as possible and befo' de
conductor has taken up your fare To
remain dar am to get a hoodoo on you.
IF you am saunterin' out some even
in and by accident approach field in
which dar am a WATERMELON patch
squat down by de fence and wait for
sign. If a whippoorwill breaks into
song near by it's all right and de big
gest melon in dat patch am yours If
instead Il cricket gives seven loud
chirps don't YOU git Ober dat fence If
you do de owner will fire a charge of
salt into YOU and let his bulldog make
a meal off'n your laigs.
IF you hear a tickin in de wall
while you am lynn in bed don't be two
seconds gittin' out O. dat If you con
timer to lay dar and de ticker continers
TO tick you will be invitin' a stroke of
paralysis.
If you am standin' at your gate and
red headed white man comes along
and offers you half dollar to drive IL
black COW to 4 sartin place turn away
from him in scorn. Dat COW will kick
fat woman and git you into a law
ste, and de white man will beat you
outer de price.
IF you am sittin' on de fence in de
AFTERNOON and wishin' you was rich
and three crows ny ober you and YOU
hear Il horse whinny at de same time
20 right off and buy ticket in lot
terry. You am shore TO hit de capital
prize and have money to burn for eber
after.
Oats all, my friends-all until You
git de book. We will now break de
meetin' in two, and you can gather
round me and pass up your money. If
YOU will persist in helicvin' in dreams
and signs, take mine and no other.
Dey am jest as good as anybody's, and
my old woman needs de money to buy
now goose feathers for dc beds and
porous plastcrs for her lame back"
NJ. QUAD.