The new age. [volume] (Portland, Or.) 1896-1905, 1906-07-14

do you think his words have any
weight" well, he makes some pref.
ty heavy speeches, "-CIeveIand Plain
Dealer.
Tickerly-Why do they say "dabble
In stocks" Tapeson-It must be on
account Of the water that Is In most Of
them.-Smart Set.
Customer-Is this horse radish pure
ly vegetable7 'Rastus (the waiter)-
Yes, sab, an it's guaranteed ter be alb,
Solutely horseless!
Mrs. Glen Viller-How do you like
my new spring hat? Mrs. Wade Par
ker-LoVely! Who made it over for
you?-Cleveland Leader.
A Breakfast, Dialogue. Mrs. Talk
words-Henry, you were talking in
your sleep last night, Henry-Pardon
me for interrupting you.
A Sure way. What was it Frank
lin said? If you'd have a thing well
done Tell your cook you like
It rare" interrupted Subbuos.
A Carnegie Proposal. Father-Can
you support her in the manner to
which she Is accustomed? Suitor-Yes,
sir; If you will raise an equal amount.
Tess-Did he actually kiss you? Jess
Yes. Tess-Gracious Jess-The
ideaI He was not. l think it was l
who was gracious to let him.-Phila-
1elphia Press.
They say that Austria ungary has
only one doctor to every twenty-six
hundred inhabitants, and still the
leath-rate is low" That's the reason"
indianapolis Star.
Him-Darling, you don't know how
beautiful you are! Her-George, l
have very good mirror and am not
blind. What l don't know is how rich
you are.-Cleveland Leader.
Fond Father-Heaven bless you, sir,
for rescuing my daughter from a wa
terry grave. Think Of the risk you ran
Life eaver-No risk at all, sir; I'm
married. Milwaukee News.
The Sick Poet. Are you feeling
very llI?" asked the physician. Let
me see your tongue, please" ITS no
use, DOCTOR" replied the patient; mo
tongue can tell how bad l feel"
Here Is an article about our cor
rupt police" said the reporter. How
should 1 head 1t?" "Oh, just say the
city has a bad case of the blues" re-
piled the great editor.-Chicago News,
Fair Warning. Woman-Now, If you
don't leave at once I'll call my husband
and he's an old Harvard football
player. Tramp-Lady, If yer love him
don't call him out 1 used to play wild
Yale.
Very Simple. Mrs. Chugwater-Jo-
siah, what Is a pronunciamento? Mr.
r-"Pronouncing amen to-
anything you want Endorsed. l should
think you could tell that by looking al
the word itself
Mrs. Upsome-The people that have
moved into the house next door to ours
spend about half their time peeping al
us through their lace curtains. Mrs
ChilliconKearneY-How did you find
it out?-Chicago Tribune.
i He Gave 1t Up. Speaker defy
any one in this audience to mention a
single action that l can perform with
my right hand that l cannot do equal
ly we'll with my left. Voice from the
Gallery-Put yer left hand in yer right
hand trousers pocket.
well, I'll tell you the trouble with
Sterling. l admit that he's a fairly
good business man, but there's a pref
ty big element of luck in his success.
He's insufferably conceited, too, and
then It's merely his hypocrisy that"
You seem to know him pretty we'll. "
'Oh, yes, we're great friends. "-Ex.
Proud Mother A poor woman, in all
The pride and glory of her maternal
heart, declared to kind-hearted listen
er that "Since the world was q
world, there never was such a clever
BOY as my Micky, for he's just made
two chairs and a fiddle out of his own
head, and has got plenty Of wood left
for another"
Usurious.-Ikestein and Aaronburg,
two money-lenders, met. "Goot bithness
Yesterday, Ike" said Aaron. Young
Sthoftely come to me to borrow $500.
gift it him at 80 per thent, an de-
duct a years intereth and pay him
$3.50" well, you was a fool, Aaron.
w, you should have lent it him for
two years and paid him nottings."
Composition on Horse. A father
going into his stable found his little
son astride one of the horses, with a
slate and pencil in his hand. why,
Harry" he exclaimed, what are you
doing?" writing a composition" was
the reply. "Well, why don't you write
if in the house?" asked the father BE
cause" answered the little fellow, 1.-The
teacher told me to write composition
on a horse"
An Eastern newspaper says that Jack
London was introduced in cafe to q
musician. Il, too, am a musician in
| a email NOV" london said 'sNTv muSi.