Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1906-09-23
ANSWERS TO
CORRESPONDENTS

!. proper nature submitted to The Star. In0ulrers
tiers TO Uncle Jasper Star ONCE In case Of dit.
hcult conundrums answers may be delayed for Q
week or two. Consequently II may be advisable
for all Questioners to watch this column carefully
Tempus Fugit-Do you think the weather
bureau will forecast the weather thirty
days in advance? Alt might just as well.
1t would hit 1t right as often that way as
any other.
Old Toper-I see that Gen. Grant SAYS 90
per cent of trouble In the army is due TO
bad liquor. Don't you consider this an over
estimate? A.-Being a member OF the Ma
tional Guard We know very little about mill
tary matters, but considering the cause of
trouble outside of the army We think the
percentage is about right.
Literary-What is the cause of the fire.
quency OF the phrase Talk is cheap" A
Probably because there are many ex-
travagant remarks
Commerce and Labor-Do You believe that
this Greater Washington excitement will
help business in Washington? A.-Oh, yes.
indeed. IL the Washington business men
don't go back to sleep.
Publius-whom do you consider the great
est living democrat? A.-There is none.
They are dead.
Gotham-I have made bet that William
Randolph Hearst is the strongest democrat
In New York. A.-You lose, unless all the
others have suddenly been taken sick.
Holiness-Are not good principles the real
test OF true manhood? Att listens Wei.
but most men have good principles. It's
their practices that get then. iA.s 81. DDS
Innocence-A friend wants to sell me
some mining stock. Do you think It
crime to get rich quick? Arrest easy:
you are in no danger of committing this
crime. We have had the same kind OF
friends.
Housewife-where is the best place to put
away jellies and preserves for the winter?
that the average piano can be made into
an excellent jelly closet by removing the
works and putting I'm shelves.
whelks-what is the best way to rid my
bed chamber of mosquitoes? A.-Lght the
feather bed. let the lamp smoke, take a few
puffs of Turkish cigarette and fry some
onions.
Orthography-In your opinion is reformed
spelling a good thing? Alt will enable
a great many college men to write letters
without giving themselves away.
Dillitante-No. Dilly, It is not con-
sidered the best form at Washington BAN
quets to wash your face in the finger bowl
and pick your teeth with the carving fork.
In order to fit yourself to shine in society
you should take on pollsh. Drink Narnisn
White Ribbon-Please give me the recipe
for the preparation of a palatabe hot
weather drink. -A.-Stand at the kitchen
sink, turn the faucet with the right hand
and then boil.
Lex-Who are the heaviest taxpayers in
Washington? A.-Those persons who do
not own any real estate.
Young Journalist-where can learn how
to run a newspaper? A.-This Is too easy.
Ask any subscriber.
Therapeutics-I have a woman patient adj
dcted to the giggling habit. l have tried
all the remedies laid down In the medical
books. but have failed to effect cure.
What shall do? A.jCut the jokes out of a
newspaper and force her to read them. II
this fails, show her a comic supplement. II
this does not check<the laughter and call
forth tears, put a wet towel in her mouth
and sprinkle the eyes with pepper.
UNCLE JASPER.