The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1906-07-22

If you have ever been kissed thou
sand times for making a home run and
winning a ball game you'll know how
| felt after the spinsters and young wild
ders and luscious. bloomin maidens of
Fuloprunes got through with me on hat
/ terrible day. / made a fOur-b9gger in
the ninth inning against the Slammlt-
VileS, | had bliSters all over my face and
neck, my complexion, Wot little there was
left, was all black an blue, ar my mod
eStY had got shock it never got over
| One especially bad blister on my upper
lip / traced 10 a elderly lady, who had
never had a teller, and during my con-
ValeScent days she'd come around GhC
felers said and look up at my vindcr
and sigh. | might have been KEEP there
and put in Jail only for the timely arrival
of our old manager Josh Hapgood. who
struck FulOprunes, learned we were at
Bumbledale, went there, nursed us and
just got back in time to save me from
some more o what ne called .'OSculatOry
orgies. That means wholesale, retail and
detail kiSsin'.
In all my life | think | never saw d
sOTer man than old Josh was when he
comes in and finds me propped up in ar
armchair with Vaseline an butter an
other soothin' things on my mug 10 take
out the sting O the kisses. He opens
up:
Here I've sought for YOU over hill ana
dale, through dry weather and wet. night
and day, and when | get you you re sick.
Tell me, my prize shertstop is broke his
leg an I'll lay me down an expire
We told him no" Pinch was all right.
and was prob'ly playin'pitch in the bar
room.
Anyhow" says l, IF Pinch sh'd hap
pen to have broke his leg, or two legs,
the Alfalfas wouldn't suffer. We got the
rubber-armed Shortsop to take his place. .
At this Josh SHES vi'lently TO one side
o the road and | have trouble gettin' him
| back to a trot again.
Rubber arm shortstopi" he yels
Rubber arm flapdoodle. Don't ever let
me hear no more CUFF out O your head
like that, Peter if you want to keep it
en- your shoulders.
Now when my old manager calls me
Peter | know | can't do no fooling. l
know he's mad. Still, had it on him,
for ] opens the door, calls Reacher Rufe,
an he comes in an L show him off. After
he'd reached across the room several
times and shut doors and such. and
reached himself a chair I'm out in the
hall, an snapped his arm back an
| brought it in without movin' his feet,
Josh b'lleVed. At least his eyes got down
to the size O. saucers an he quit gaspin'.
so Rufe sets down an | try to get the
leather hanGed ketcher but can't cause
he's playin' cards with Pinch, so Josh
opens up.
The old Alfalfas has been doing pref
ty good since you left" says he. o. course,
they amt the same nine, with your bat
and Pinch's shortstoppin out of the game,
but we've rated along a good third IN the
beat the Russsttvilles and MazhuTts, who
are ahead just often enough to get the rag
again. Sam Merritts been ketchin' since
you left and Willyum Rice has been play
in short. | got Darlington Brooks as ex-
try pitcher to take Willyum's place, and
we been doin' well.
Bah Brooksg' says l. did he come
back I'm the 'Merican League?''
Yes. he forgot to put his lucky horse
shoe in his pocket one game and get
soaked by the Athletics for twenty light
hits, for a total o so nethn' like fifty
bases. SO they let him out. He's all right
now, though But the .ale o. trouble is
yet to come Hag, l been stung
"Stung?" says. That word never went
with Josh Hapgood. He was the craftiest
baseball manager that ever tried out
a dark night in cellar with no lights
within mile. No wonder / wondered.
Yes, says he as he wipes the bald
SLOT on his head and takes chew o.
tabdcker. Il was stung, an stung proper
One mornin', week after you left. two
strangers comes along an says.
. Mr.. Hapgood, we understand you've
sent two o YOUR players lookin for d
rubbeT-armed shortstop?'
Il says yes. what of H. They had on
ready made store clothes and wore ready
made smiles. too.
Why says they, "ony this: We got
stren'then the Alfalfas by seiIin you the
Winged Wonder.
''rhe what?' says ].
The Winged Wonder says they Him
who plays bali with wings to help him
who flies between second an third. pickin
UP grOunders 40 matter where they go
who rises up in the air with one flap of
his feathery pinions an seizes the elusive
sphere as it's about to disappear over the
left field fence for a homer He flies
out to make your opponents fly out-see
the joker
And they both laugh and produce pic
lures of likely lookin' lad in baseball
suit with wings on his shoulders. One
shows him most fifty feet in the air. nail
in fly. Another shows him skimmin'
along the medder, takin' a low liner An
other shows him flynn round the bases.
"tOh, yes says, the two feiiers. we for
got to tell you, but the Winged Wonder
has never been put out between the bases.
He can fly over the fastest basemans
head an swoop down on the bag fore
YOU can touch him. Now to. business:
We won't sell this Winged Wonder. but
We'll let you have the use of him for 4
season for thousand dollars, cash. You'll
get that back in week in gate receipts
why dom 4 Won exhibit him ~ saws |