Hopkinsville Kentuckian., 1906-08-30

YOU dIt lOl a tihAch NAAAAAbNAs
Never whistle while waiting for
some one to play. Whistling is not in
good taste. Go over and bite out cou-
pie of tunes on the piano.
when your opponent trumps an ace
don't ever hit him carelessly across the
forehead with the bric-a-brac. Always
remember when you are in society that
bric-a-brac is expensive.
Don't lead the ten of clubs by mis-
take for the ace of trumps and then get
mad and jump II feet in the air because
they refuse to let you pull it back.
"In order to jump II feet in the air
you would have to go through the room
upstairs, and how do you know whose
room it is?
There, Gladys, if you follow these
rules think you can play the game Of
bridge whist without putting a bruise
on the Monroe doctrine.
"P. S.-When you play for money al
ways bite the coin to see if it means
as much as it looks"
The next day, in order to square my
self with my wife for getting letter
hadn't any use for, / went to one of those
New York department stores to get her
a birthday present.
Say! did you ever get tangled up in
one of those department store mobs and
have a crowd of perfect ladies use you
for a door mat?
! got mine!
They certainly taught me the Ro-
jestvenslIy glide, all right!
At the door of the department store n
nice young man with a pink necktie and
a quick forehead bowed to me.
What do you wish?" he asked.
''Well," l said, I'm down here to get
birthday present for my wife. would
like something which would afford her
great pleasure when l give it to her and
which l could use afterwards as a pen
wiper or a fishing-rod."
Second floor; to the right; take the
elevator" said the man.
Did you ever try to take an elevator in
a department store and find that 3.943
other American citizens and citizenettes
were also trying to take the same ele-
vator?
IlON oWCCI II II W AlllASiC III lllC cll HIS
of utter strangers and to feel the gentle
pressure of foot we never hope to meet
again!
was standing by one of the counters
on the second floor when a shrill voice
crept up over a few bales of dry goods
and said: Are you a buyer or a han
dler?"
81 am looking for a birthday present
for my wife" | answered. 81 want to
get something that will look swell on
the parlor table and may be used later
on as a tobacco jar or a trouser
stretcher!"
Fourth floor to the left; take the
elevator!" said the lady's voice.
With bowed head walked away.
began to feel sorry for my wife
Nobody seemed to be very much in
terested whether she got birthday
present or not.
On the fourth floor l stopped at a
counter where a lot of eager danes were
paving over some chlnchilla ribbon and
chiffon overskirts.
1t reminded me of the way our dog
digs up the vegetables in the garden.
l enjoyed the excitement of the game
for about ten minutes and then | said
to the clerk behind the counter who was
refereeing the match: Can you tell
me where I can buy a sterling silver
birthday present for my wife which
could use afterwards as a night key or
bath sponge?"
Fifth floor; to the rear; take the ele-
vator!" said the clerk.
On the fifth floor | went over to a ta-
BILE where a young lady was selling "The
Life and Libraries of Andrew Carnegie
at four dollars a month and so cents
week, and in three years it is yours if
you don't lose the receipts.
She gave me glad smile and / felt
a thrill of encouragement.
Excuse me, said, but am looking
for birthday present for my wife which
will make all the neighbors Jealous and
which can use afterwards as an ash
receiver or pocket flask"
The young lady cut out the giggles and
pointed to the northwest
| went over there.
To my surprise found another coun-
ter.
A pale young woman was behind it,
was just about to ask her the fatal
question when young man wearing a
ragtime expression on his face rushed
up and said to the young lady behind
the counter: Il am looking for a suit
able present for young lady friend Of
mine with golden brown hair. Could
you please suggest something's"
The saleslady showed her teeth and
answered him in a loNGpumbling voice,
and the man went MA
Then came an old'fa6sFwho said. 81
bought some organdie dress goods for
shirt-waist last Tuesday and / would
like to exchange them for music box
for my daughters little boy. Freddie. Il