Pullman herald. [volume] (Pullman, W.T. [Wash.]) 1888-1989, 1906-04-14


words attacking the canal, and I've
only got ten minutes to do 1t in. I'm
Poultney Bigelow"
Enter another member, after a short
interval, posing as the agent for a type.
writer.
What do we want with typewrit
ers I" asked President Fearn,
From all | have seen and heard. E"
was the reply, "typewrlters are the
only instruments used in canal g,
ging."
Another chorus, another brief period
of attention to the good things to eat
and member of the club entered who
after appropriate conversation, applied
for the position Of press agent.
But you can't write" objected Pres
ident Fearn.
NO" assented the applicant. But
what's the use? Secretary Taft does
all the writingr
And this time the Taft laugh domi
mated even the Roosevelt laugh
These were but the preliminaries to
the drama, which dealt with an en-
forced meeting Of the canal commits
sion on the iSthmus. The commission
ers, impersonated by members of the
club, fought valiantly against going to
the isthmus, but were compelled to dc
so and got down to business. 1t sum
moned before 1t the chief engineer who
wore large medal.
Il got it," he explained, "for cleaning
the streets of Washington"
How did you do it'll" asked one of
the commissioners.
Il prayed for rain" was the response,
and all the Washington guests felt that
this was too true to be funny.
When he asked for salary Of $780,
600 year, 80 l won't be tempted
when somebody wants to build sub
way in New York." he was engaged,
and then the chief sanitary officer came
to the front to tell why he ought to be
put on the payroll.
First" he said, 81 would get the
biggest possible appropriation from the
government
THAT will do" said the commission.
ers. "You are experienced enough fol
u.s."
you have some medals, too" was
the remark addressed to the chief
amusement provider. what are they
for?"
81 got them all for good work." was
the reply. THE president gave me
this for sending n man to a state din,
ner who knew a new story, while this
gave them passes to a variety show on
an afternoon when eulogies were to be
delivered at the capitol"
Then the real and only genuine canal
expert was presented to the commits,
sion and announced his plan. 1.-THE
canal" he said, sis forty-seven miles
long. l propose to build forty-seven
mammoth airships, each one mile long.
Then l propose to build nice, com
modious canal and hitch it to the air,
ships. That will obviate any of the
cuts. 1t will be perfectly level and
accommodate the largest ships"
With the end of the canal drama ev-
cry one was on the qui vive for a
speech from President Roosevelt 1t
really was not necessary to arouse the
audience to the point of an ovation for
the president, but the enthusiasm was
happily stimulated by a stirring song.
The verses humorously told how all
the great events of the past could
have been brought to a more prompt
conclusion If they had only been man.
aged by Roosevelt while the chorus
So good luck to you and good health to
you;
We bid you a welcome here.
With loud huZza and hip hurrah,
We join in a rousing cheer
was sung with almost dramatic ear
nestness and fairly lifted the roof
with it's volume. When President
Roosevelt arose every club member
and every guest was on his feet, cheer
ing with all the power of his lungs.
The demonstration lasted several min
utes. Mr.. Roosevelt spoke at some
length.
One Of the cleverest things of the
dinner was 1.-THE Gridiron Guide to
Washington" a publication which, in
the language of the preface, displayed
picturesque conciseness without sacri-
flcing consistency of plot"
Some idea of the character of the
guide can best be given by quoting
few paragraphs at random as follows:
The Capitol.-This building, the Mecca
of rural statesmen, Is mainly noted for its
Hobbies, which are of generous proper
lions. When originally constructed, 1t
was expected to occupy prominent place
in public affairs. OF late years 1t has been
dwarfed by comparison with the White
House. Somewhere within the classic
confines Of the majestic marble building
Is q deliberative body. which imagines 1t
is intrusted with the awful duty of max
ing laws to govern the people of the
United States. You win find 1t at the butt
end of Uncle Joe Cannon's cigar
The Senate Chamber,-This Is the as
sembly room of the finest club on earth.
The deliberations of the senate are public,
except when the doors are closed for ex-
ecufiva aessions Then they are published.