Daily Kennebec journal. [microfilm reel] (Augusta, Me.) 1870-1975, 1906-01-23

1 guess the subject is too old
For any new expression,
And any words seem far too cold
For any loves confession.
Let other men go searching. then,
For something that is new;
Ill use the same old phrase again
Gee, but I'm stuck on you
Cleveland Leader.
During the college days of cX-MayOr
BcSSom of Lynn he had two of the pro-
fessors of the college as guests at Il hunt
ing camp in the Maine woods. When
they entered the camp their attention was
attracted to the unusual position of the
stove which was set on posts about four
feet high.
One of the professors, according to 'The
Boston Herald" began to comment upon
the knowledge wocdsmen gain by on
has discovered that the heat radiating
from the stove strikes the roof and the
circulation is SO quickened that the camp
is warmed IN much less time than would
be required if the stove was in its regular
place on the fool"
The other professor was of the opinion
that the stove was elevated to be above
the window, in order that cool and pure
air could be had at night.
Mr. Besscn, being more practical, con-
tended that the stove was elevated in or
der that a good supply of green wood
could be placed beneath it to dry.
After considerable argument, each man
was agreed that the one whose opinion
was nearest the guides reason for elevat-
ing the stove should take the pool. The
guide was called and asked why the stove
was placed ir such an unusual position.
WELL, said he, when ! brought the
stove up the river l lost most of the
stovcpipe overheard, and had to set the
stove up there so as to have the pipe
reach through the roof.
He got the money.
A schoolteacher instructing her classes
in grammar wrote this sentence on the
COW is in the lot No one seemed to
know what was wrong with it till at last
polite little boy raised his hand. What
is it, johnny asked the teache. You
should Put the lady first" corrected
Johnny.
The report was current short time ago
that George Ade whose side splitting
current aphOrism. himself had been
caught in the tolls. and was to wed Miss
borthy Tenant. the actress who has
made such hit in Mr. AIDES play. The
College Widow" recent New York
daily published an amusing interview
with the fablst and playwright anent this
same bit of gossip:
Are you going to marry Miss Ten
nant?" asked the Hopeful Reporter, re-
spectfully.
Not that 1 know Of" said the Play
wright. land l think L would Have the
First Tip
why Not?" pursued the Intrepid inter-
viewer.
well. For One Reason" said Mr.. AIDE,
81 have Tenant on my Farm now"
Are there any Other Reasons? per-
when the wild uproarious Laughter had
subsidized.
Yes" said Mr. AIDE, gravely. 81 may
he Farmer. but no one Can accuse me
Of nj, chnr
Moral-It's a, Smooth Guy that Knows
When to Sidestep.
-Harper's Weekly.
"Women are certainly changeabIe crea-
lures. said the wcary-looking man..
whats the eXplanatiOn?' asked the
friend of the family.
During the honeymoon answered the
weary party, my wife declared she could
not live day without me
Well quelfcd the family friend.
'Only last week.. continued the other.
she tried to get me to insure my life for
$4,000 in her favor.
Simeon Ford has paid the penalty of be-
ing funny just as Mark Twain and other
famous hunorists have done before him.
The witty bonifacc was recently caught
out in some weather Of the New York
brand and feeling bedraggled and miser-
able. sought refuge in q restaurant. only
to fall into the clutches of Il party of
friends.
"IIrw. haw!' they laughed Immediately
regarding his sad look as the mask of Il
bit Of humor. There's 4 good joke be-
hind that flown, we'll bet"
Not on your life" snapped 'Sim"
Ford. I'm rs mad as can be- Just got
caught in a cold drizZlc without umbrella
or Ovcrshoes, and spoiled this new silk
hat"
Good. Haw, haw," laughed the crowd.
''rhen l splashed into mud puddle,
and have just ridden ten blocks on the
wet back platform of 4 car"
"tlaw-taw-haw." Some Of his auditors
laughed till the tears stood in their eyes
''Haw! haw: Go it SIM
Say. are you fellows crazy? How'd
you like the cold rain smashing down
on your tOes?"
"iI@w! haw! That's the best joke we've
heard in a long time.''
Joke? BAH" snorted Ford. HAS
man got to be a tragedian to get any
sympathy in this world?"-Ncw York
Press.
''IIave YOU ever been to n wealthy ac-
quaintance when you were rather hard
timatcd that a small loan. so or $780,
would help you along amazingly?".
His friend shook his head
Then DON'T continued the first speak
or. Go without; let your beard grow and
your trousers fray; wear n rusty collar on
Your overcoat: imagine that you're get
ting too stout and persuade Yourself that
one meal day is better for you 4han
three: pinch. deny yourself, starve. if
You must. but don't borrow. Not that
you'll always be refused or put off. be.
cause you won't, but you'll he lcctured
which is a thousand times worse
when YOU approach ono OF these fell
lows for money. it's hi s inning. He NAV
be pretty loose morally himself: hut you'd
think to hear him talk that he'd been the
means Of bringing Jonathan Edwards to
grace His intimate knowledge of YOU
and every blessed one of your shortcom-
ings is something wonderful and startling
He doesn't omit q single fault or defect,
and his interest in you puzzles you. He's
that solemn and his face is that long that
he looks rs If he might break down and