Lincoln County leader. [volume] (Toledo, Lincoln County, Or.) 1893-1987, 1906-10-19

under an auto? Dusty Rhodes-Naw,
that's where the owner stays
Clipped.
Truthful.-"How do you take your
steak?" asked the charitable house.
wife. 81 takes it mighty rare" replied
the tramp.
$50 you feel that your automobile is
perfectly safe?' Most of the time
when it is in the repair op."-Wash-
ington Star.
Toast.-"Father, why do they call
speech made at banquet a toasti"
MY son." was the answer, "it is prob
ably because it is so dry"
Caution.-AIrs. Neville e-Bridget. I
don't want you to build fire in the
new stove until you try the oven, so if
it doesn't bake | can send it back.
"Does he believe in the survival of
the fittest?" "He does" "On what
ground?' "Why, he says he's here and
that proves it."-San Francisco Call.
Mrs. X.-You used to call me an
angel. Mr.. X.-Well, l used to think
you were one. Mrs. X.-And now?
Mr.. N.-And now l wish you were.-
Cleveland Leader.
Reporter-Why is it that so many
people commit suicide in the spring?
DR.. Thinktank-I don't know. | think
myself that a well or a river would be
better.-Flashlight.
"Step lively" said the conductor.
Not on your life" responded the
grouchy passenger. "If l felt like doing
that I'd walk and beat your old car"
Philadelphia Ledger.
Ethel showed papa one of your
poems and he was delighted. Scribbler
Indeed! Ethel-Yes; said it was so
bad he thought you'd probably be able
to earn living at something else
Judge.
Somewhat Mixed.-A young man
who was about to be married was very
nervous, and, while asking for infor-
nation as to how he must act, put the
question: "Is it customary to cuss the
bride?"
Isn't it splendid out here all alone?"
began Mr.. Boreim, who had found her
musing beside the quiet lake. YES
replied Miss Bright, Il was thinking
that very thing as you came along."-
Philadelphia Press.
Mrs. Widder Cat the door)-I thought
| told you never to call again. Mr..
Loster-I didn't come to see Won.
madam. l came to collect little bill
All see-er-call again, won't
you"-Cleveland Leader.
1t was a thankful Alma wife that
sent the following recommendation to
a patent medicine firm: Gentlemen. be-
fore taking your medicine l was too
weak to spank my baby, but now | can
lick my husband.
Patient-Well, doctor, do you think
I'm getting well all right? Doctor
On, yes; you still have good deal of
fever, but that doesn't trouble me. "Of
course not. If you had fever il
wouldn't trouble Scissors.
81 think my speech on this question
VIII have some effect" 1T has already
had an effect" answered Senator Sor.
ghum. "You have caused two or mora
questions to grow where there was but
one Observation-Disclosures Star.
Young Lady to Clerk in Bookstore
am looking for something suitable
for an old gentleman who has bean
married fifty years. Can YOU suggest
Clerk promptly
Half Century of Conflict ct"-Life.
Mistress-I am sorry to trouble you
Bridget but my husband wants bis
breakfast tomorrow at $50. Cook
Oh, 1t won't be no throuble at all, num-
Il he don't knock nothin over whole
'ookin 1t an wake me up-Judge.
Bishop-Never again preach apoinst
'r reject so-called tainted monav
1urate-Yes, sir; but Bishop-No
'uts II we intend to successfully com.
'ete with the devil on modern lines wa
must first ruin him financially.-rifo
Young Husband-I told the governor
thought it'would be wise if we start.
"a housekeeping at once. Young Wife
And did he endorse the opinion2
loung Husband-Oh, yes, he endorsed
he opinion all right.-Town and Conn.
ry.
And then," said Miss Passay, che
sked me If | wouldn't marry the first
nan that came along Think of itm
Yes" replied Miss Pepprey. ..Tba
aea! Don't those obviously unneces.
ary questions make you tired?n-