Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1906-06-03

Ladies and gentlemen we have been so
merry today. The big tent is crowded, the
performance most amusing. We have Jest
ed and laughed. We have chortled and
screamed. We have wiggled the nimbe
heel. We have had dinged fine time.
But, ladies and gentlemen, this is all at
an end In a moment we shall be grave
and subdued, apprehensve and depressed.
Moist-eyed. we shall clutch the ready kerr
chief. Attention, ladies and gentlemen, the
Honorable Dorsey Shackleford of Missouri
is coming this way.
The Honorable Dorsey, ladies and gentle
men, is the Gloomy Gus of the House He
is a continuous performance indoor eclipse
OF the sun. He is long on despair. He'd
make fine professional mourner Ordinary
pessimism Is a rosy morn in June com
pared to the Honorable Dorseys brand. He
has just slathers and gobs of gloom.
n
The Honorable Dorsey tells US, ladies and
gentlemen. that he was born on August 81
1858, in Saline county, Missouri A frank
statement of an interesting event But he
omits to mention that the, next day 1t rain
ed. 1t rained hard. 1t rained long It
rained for nearly week. Creeks and rivers
were swollen. Crops were damaged. The
w.
member that rain.
Ladies and gentlemen, little Dorsey was
not cheerful child. Not for him were the
ordinary occupations of the infant. Never
did he bite the rosy toe or gouge the rest
less finger into the parental eve Not for
him the mulberry influence of the pacifier
or the tiny jingle of the five-cent rattle Not
for little Dorsey.
For little Dorsey was child of gloon,
When in those Saline county DAYS the Inns
OF little Dorsey opened no smile flashed
out to cheer Paw and Nav and Sis and
Cousin Bill. Not SO! All, me! Little Dor
sey eyes shed copious tears Little Dor
seys mouth was often open that walls
might issue forth. He had fine pair of
lungs, had little Dorsey He was mighty
long on walls and gloom
But, ladies and gentlemen, even this had
its compensations
Little Dorsey became noted in the neigh
borhood. All Saline county heard of his
fame He was exhibited at county fairs
as Little Dorsey, the child that never
snole And family pride ran high.
60 e ne p ~ make great divine some day"
Just the face for an exhorter.' said
Nav.
Sis.
He's gloomy little cuss,'. said Cousin
Bill. oosiii
And SO the comments circled Saline coun-
" while little Dorsey grew and thrived.
ne despalred through the measles fnoped
through the mumps, grouched through the
cnckenpox and walled In the pangs of the
stomach ache. Even the lightsome whoon-
ing cough failed to effect a change He
wall ~ "
And time rolled on some more. Little
Dorsey became big Dorsey and big Dorsey
taught school. He became famous as a
lou
missioners came round 1t was AT recess
time. At his desk within the little red
school house sat Teacher Dorsey his head
on his hands Through his parted fingers
despairingly upon a blotter of the darkest
shade OF blue Without the school house
there was no sound of games In the shade
of the big trees sat the children. They
were not merry lot. They were talking.
x4
Children. said the chairman of the
board of school commissioners. why are
you not at your eames?"
Games" said the spokesman of the chill
dren, bright little lad of nine. ARE cheer
full Therefore they should be avoided
Then. quoth the chairman of the board
of school commissioners. as he fell faint
ing into the arms of his colleagues, what
are you doing?'
I'VE are discussing" replied the smokes
man-child. ''the subject of the afternoon
lesson. the doctrine OF Perpetual Crouch
versus What's the User
Then time rolled on some more. Teacher
Dorsey became Lawyer Dorsey. And he
was successful. Gosh. but he was sue
cessfut-for the defense. No matter what
the charge: no matter the record of the
criminsl; no mater how ELOQUENT the pros
Dorsey rose to his feet He didn't have to
talk He just looked at the jury and let