The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-09-28
PILGRIM JOE.
A Man of Integrity Is Always
O. X

Statements have been made by en-
vious rivals in business that call for
prompt denial. My Pilgrim Pain AL
leviator is not made by Trust. am
the original and sole inventor, and
am putting it out from humanitarian
motives. If I can make &c per cent
and keep my humanitarian motives to
the front at tbs same time I shall ask
for no greater reward.
MY Alleviator contains no breakfast
foods.
It has nothing to do with life insur-
ance.
There is no rebate attached to it.
There is no yellow dog behind it.
I have no United States senators in
my pay
I have never bribed members of the
legislature to make it go.
From digging the roots to waxing in
the cork. there is no Doodle attached
I offer one thousand dollars in gold
for every drop of alcohol found in my
Alleviator
1t contains nothing to make the old
drunkard worse. It contains nothing
to start the child on a career of vice.
My enemies point to the fact that it
failed to alleviate a man in Connecticut
who was blown up by a powder maya
zine. Nothing but his left ear was
found. and I do not pretend to allevi-
ate fragm ents.
There are forty-eight full doses in
every bottle. and the empty bottle
makes a beautiful yard ornament at a
seaside resort.
The price is the same the year round.
It cures frost bites in winter and dog
bites in summer. After licking the
blade of an ak on a frosty winter
morning nothing will Soothe your in
jured feelings like my Alleviator
The bottle is so thick that the chill
dren can play horse with 1t. In the
west it is a favorite missile for farmers
to throw at hogs.
No matter what other socalled AL
ieviators appear in market, do not be
deceived As for the old and time
tried and take no other.
After three months from date all
bottles will be made earthquake proof.
Quakes may come by day or by
night and with what force they will,
| but the bottle of Alleviator sitting on
the parlor table will remain undisturb-
ed and be an asset to begin business
on anew.
At the Galveston flood one of my bot
ties fioated across to the West Indies
and cured four patients when opened.
At the San Francisco fire one was
warped to the shape of the letter S and
still preserved its contents.
Ascertain that your family druggist
is not a horse thief before asking him
if he sells Pilgrim Joe's Alleviator.
was making for the town of Busted
usual good speerits and wondering why
all men could not fgger out that lnteg-
/ Tity paid 80 per cent profit and nc
/ after clap, when I met up with an old
cuss on foot who seemed to be made
up Of smiles and blandness. We stop
ped to pass the time O day, and by
and by he said
"Pilgrim, it warns the cookies OF
my heart to meet thee. I have just
bought site for an orphan asylum
/ and I Wouldst have your opinion on the
same. Come with me and view the
spot where the fatherless will gambol
by day and sleep by night. Later on
if thee sees fit, thou may contribute to
/ the grand charity ?"
As founding orphan asy1ums has al
| ways been right in my line, turned
aside Ger the prairie and follered him
After walking for half mile NJ
stopped and said:
behold the spot Here IS peace ane
rest and quietness- It is five miles te
the next habitation. No corner saloor
mo ward heeIers-ro trouble and
/ travail Here shall the orphan res
and sing his song and fear no danger.
l was silently admiring the landscape
which consisted of hundred acres o
| prairie and a lame hosss When / Eel
| something hit the back Of my neck
and two hours had passed when I op
ened my eyes TO earthly affairs agin
/ Then the bland and smiling old kus
had long departed, and with him hat
gone my outfit. It had been a put-ul
lob on q good and innocent man. and !
had succeeded. For a time I knew no
which way to turn. My speerits wa
down to zero and my faith in tntegrlt.
nil. Thus for q few minutes, and thei
rallied and set ont on foot toward tn
town mentioned. AS. I walked re
membered that Integrity had never de