The new age., 1906-12-22

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Customer want a piece Of meat
without fat, bone or gristle Clerk
You'd better have an egg, ma'am.-
! New York Mail
Edward-Why did Grace marry
Fred? She wasn't the least bit in love.
Edith-Heavens no! She thought Ada
wanted him.-Judge.
Mrs. Skinnum-Why are you all hid
Ing from Tommy? Little Lizzie-TOm-
my is the butcher coming with his bill.
philadelphia Record.
Gauss-How does your dog like your
new neighbor? Matchett-It's a little
too early to say. Rover has had only
one small piece.-Smart Set.
The Father Ito boy back from col
lege)-WeIl, son, how much money do
you owe? The Son-Well-er-dad,
how much have you got?-Harper's
Bazaar.
Mrs. Fllp-I have just been talking
to specialist, and he says by brain
vitality has all gone to my long hair.
Do you believe it? Flip-Well-er-
l knew it had gone.-St. Paul Pioneer
Press.
He-Miss Highnote is certainly
hCmely girl, isn't she? She-Well, she
isn't beauty, but when you hear her
sing you will forget her face He-Gra-
cious Is her singing as bad as that?
The Club Fellow.
Mr.. Misfit (savagely)-Before mar
ried you, was there any doddering
idiot gone on you? Mrs. Misft-There
was one. Mr.. Misft-I wish to good
ness you'd married him! Mrs. MiSft-
1 did.-Los Angeles News.
Mr.. Justup-Let us go around to the
j De Rocks. They have just bought
Rembrandt for thousands Of dollars.
Mrs. Justup-You don't say. Is it gas
Oline or steam, and what is the horse
power?-Chicago Daily News.
"Is it a fact that your mother-in-law
threw herself out of the third-story
window and you did nothing to restrain
herr" Excuse me; 1 went to the first
4 SlOly W NdlNI uGl, Dul ohC btlN a.
ready passed ."-I Davolo Rosa
They've started queer restaurant
downtown; no tables, no chairs, no
food, no walters" What are they
running it on, air or water?" Neither
christian Science-you think you
eat, so much think. Brooklyn Life.
Laundryman-I regret to tell you,
sir, that one Of your shirts is lost. Gus
tomer-But here l have just paid you
twelve cents for doing it up. Laun-
dryman-Quite right, sir; we laun-
dered it before we lost it.-Harper's
Weekly.
Stern Parent-From my observation
! of him last night | came to the cOnclu-
sion that that young man of yours was
rather wild. Daughter-It was you
that made him wild. He wanted you
to 20 upstairs and leave US alone.-Il-
lustrated Bits.
We'll" said the optimst, Il suppose
! you are through kicking about the
warm weather" "Oh, yes" respond
ed the pessimist cheerfully. I'm kick
| ing about the cold weather new You
can nearly always kick."-Louisville
Courier journal.
81 can't understand this street rail-
way situation" said Mrs. Wade Parker.
Il wish you'd tell me just what you
think of it." "Well, my dear" said
Mr.. Parker "since you ask it, | will.
But you'll have to send the children
out Of the room frst.'-Cleveland
Leader.
Did ye get damages fer being in
that railway accident Bll?' Sure:
fifty dollars fer me and fifty fer the
missus" "The missus? l didn't hear
she was hurt "She wasn't; but I
had the presence O. mind to fetch her
one on the head with me foot."-Har-
per's Weekly.
MY dear" said the caller, with q
winning smile to the little girl who oc-
cupied the study while her father, an
eminent literary man, was at his din
ner, Il suppose you assist your papa
by entertaining the boresY "Yes, SIR"
replied the little girl, bravely please
be seated" Washington Journal.
For some time past I've been buying
a dozen eggs every week at this store,
and l. invariably find two bad ones in
every dozen. Something's got to be
done about it," said an irate house
keeper. WELL" said the new clerk
naively, and with quiet smile, "meb-
be If you only bought half-a-dozen
you'd only get one bad one."-Grocer's
Literary Gazette.
Martha's mistress often boasts of
her readiness Of resource. "The best
nursemaid in town." she calls her. One
day she came home from drive, to be-
confronted with the startling news
that the baby had swallowed a button.
"And what did you do, Martha?" she
asked In some anxiety, although trust
ing that it had been the right thing.
why" said Martha, II made him
swallow button-hole right away !'-
Youths Companion.
On Their Honeymoon.