Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1906-12-09
CR|DIRON CLUB
TOASTS AND ROASTS
IN GR|D|RON WAY
Continued from First Page.)

Two good terms desire another
con. - 20 ho
dare 49,. ho,.
one touch of Carnegie makes the whole
world grin.
Cannon is as Cannon does
The Big Stick never strikes twice IN the
same place. 1t doesn't have to.
OIL wells don't always end Well
Necessity Is the mother OF intervention
but what relation is Taft? ,.,
word to the wise depends on how It's
spelt.
While the dinner was thus proceeding
merrily a stout person was seen parading
down the hall carrying stove in his arms
The stout person, a member of the club,
resembled Secretary Taft.
Here, here, Mr. Taft" cried the president
of the club, what is that junk you are car
rying and what are you going to do with
it,"
This is the Cuban situation, and I'm 60
ing to leave 1t on the front steps of the
White House"
Unless all the battleships are out of COM
mission the chances are you won't find any
body at home.
Well I've got to go back to more peace
ful things, such as suSpending orders ABOUT
negro troops. and | guess I'll leave 1t here.
(Stout person puts stove down and goes
out rapidly)
If that lid comes off there will be con-
fagration."
We'll, put somebody on the lid then
There is only one man after Mr.. Taft
for such an emergency. l nominate thar
monumental statesman, Charles h. Ma
COON"
Another member of the club impersonat-
ing Judge Magoon was seated on the stove
with much squirmng and protestaton or
his part.
Then in rushed number of Cuban in
surgents, with many imprecations of 'ca-
rambo" and like explosives. They danced
wildly about Judge Magoon with cries OF
Give us offices. or give us DEATH The
leader upon being interrogated to their
wishes. declared: We want what we want
when we want 1t, so that when We get it
We won't want It,"
There were mingled cries for and against
annexation and self-government, until
Judge Magoon said he could not see any
way to satisfy them.
These people said the president, EVIL
IDENTIFY get their ideas of harmony from the
democratic party. We can't disband this
regiment. 1t isn't brunette enough. l think
we would better select our own list Of Of
ficers for Cuba at once. l understand there
is a meeting of the Lame Ducks of the last
election on the floor below to organize IA
Washington branch OF the Down and Out
Club. They would make fine officials for
Cuba. Let's use them"
SO the lame ducks lirnped In, impersonat-
ing Representatives Wadsworth of New
York, Babcock of Wisconsin. Grosvenor of
Ohio and McCleary of Minnesota, and Will
lam r. Hearst of New York and John B.
Moran of Massachusetts. Mr.. Hearst
was offered the governorship of Cuba, but
declined II. saying that he only wanted to
be President of the United -ates. And /
still have the price," he cried. waving aloft
a bunch of money, which was gracefully
captured by one OF the Cubans. who In ex-
change handed Mr.. Hearst the quid pro
quo.
Another lemon" exclaimed :. Hearst.
despairingly.
Then MIR. Babcock" was put forward as
a candidate for secretary of the Cuban
treasury.
What does a secretary of the treasury
dor he asked.
'In this country he makes campaign
speeches. helps Wall street out of the hole
and keeps tab on the telephone calls in the
department"
well 1 won't take the job IL there's any
body living I'm Cuba named La roulette"
Judge Magoon:" "a trust buster Cunning
to Cubans), trust matador. you know.
wish Moody was available"
Moody? Moody? Oh. / NOW. Moody
isn't matador: he's plea. or
whats the difference?"
THE matador kills. The pcador only
leases"
"Ah, here's the person Mr.. John B.
Moran OF Massachusetts,. how does 1t hap
pen you are trying to join the washington
branch of the Down and Out Club?"
Pm not eligible In Massachusetts. No
body else there is as far down and out as
] am"
On demand for a secretary of agricul-