Manchester Democrat. [volume] (Manchester, Iowa) 1875-1930, 1906-07-18
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N-~oeoe-oe-o~o
"I've half mind to write maya,
zine sonnet" go ahead-that's Just
what 1t takes."-Cleveland Leader.
SIS your business on running basis
YETI" 81 should say so; always run
when see creditor coming."-Prince.
ton Tiger.
cts never too late to mend" argued
the customer. ooh, yes it u.s." answered
the journeyman tailor, "thls is union
shop Puck.
Lady-Jt's very changeable weather,
isn't it, William? Road Mender-Yes,
that 1t Is Miss. We don't get single
day Mike Punch.
First night of unappreclated play
He--Are we alone? Voice from the
Gallery-No, guv'nor: but you will be
tomorrow night.-Punch.
"Ycu reckon Brer Thomas got into
Paradise" II can't tell fer sartin.
All kin say is-de mule kicked him
ter de !"-Atlanta Constitution.
Mr.. Enthusiastically cawn't
believe the things cawn't understand,
don't you know. Miss Pert--What a
terrible skeptic you must be.-Phlla-
delphia Record.
What He Observation-Disclosures 70
much hurried, Pat? Do We want
docthor? Pat-A docthor, We fule!
After beln' ruined over by an automo.
billy? What OF want is a lawyer!
"Henry. l must have new outfit,
and l want to give. you credit for gen.
erosfty.' Cali right, my dear, If you
can persuade anybody to give 1t to me
for anything else" Baltimore Ameri.
can.
Teachcr--How many commandments
are there. Sally? Sally-Please, teach
err, ten. Teacher-Suppose you were to
break commandment. Impressive
pause.) sally-Then there'd be nine
Punch.
Perseverance.-I think" said the
reporter, that the public would like
to know how you managed to live to
such n great age" "By perseverance,"
replied the centenarian. 81 Just kept
on livin'."
T 'srhis is tile time of year." said the
suburban citizen. when I like to get
out and dig Up the ground" $50 do T."
answered Mr.. Foozling. That's the
reason am trying to play golf."-
Washington Star.
Not PROFESSIONALISM have to say
is this: You're going out into the
world. You'll find the road rough. But
strike out, my boy, strike out" mot
If can help it," replied the young man.
"Im going to be baseball player"
Across the Garden Fence.-"No, Mr..
Wilkes amt goin' to keep fowls no
more. Don't pay. Why countin' the
maize give em this winter, the eggs
we'll, don't git any, but If did
they'd cost me arr u crown each!"-
Punch.
A Good Find" Albert, dear, while
looking through some of your old
clothes, made such lucky find that
l ordered a new dress on the strength
of it, what was it, dear?" "Half q
dozen checks that had never been writ.
| ten on"
A Great Feat.-Jones Ito Brown, who
| has been relating his wonderful adven.
lures In Russia)-And suppose you
visited the great steppes Of Russian
Brown should rather think SO. And
walked UP every one of them on my
hands and knees.
Try again!-Mrs. Nuwed-Here's the
bread 1 started to make to-day. Isn't
| it too annoying? Mr.. Nuwed-Why, 1t
isn't baked at ALL Mrs. Nuwed-I
know it isn't; that's just it. 1 put
| plenty of baking powder in 1t, but the
| powder doesn't seem to have baked 1t.
Drug stores sell ice cream, soda wa
fer, confectionery, and a lot of other
things that are not medicine" said the
man who complains. THAT'S true" an
swered the pharmacist. But most Of
them are likely to lead to the consump-
ton of medicines. Washington Star.
"Why, Willie. what, are you crying
about?'> "'Cause l don't get no Sat
urday holiday like the other children
does. Boo-hoo!" "But why don't you
get out Of school on Saturday."
"'Cause 1 aint' ole. enough, to go to
school yet. lsoo-hoo hoo Cleveland
Leader.
Parson Bagster (solemnly)-Does
you, Ciaud Kinsabby take dis yuh lady,
Miss Gladys Poots, to be yo' lawful
welded wife, for bettah and for
wuss-- The Groom (uneasily and
hazily) -Uh-cou'se does, If I. has to,
sab, but amt dar some way of takin'
her kindah on an ave'age?--Puck.
"That rich Mr.. ~Spooner is the most
provoking thing! He asked me If
was 49," "And what did you sayw II
said, Mercy, nor And lie said he
| didn't think any woman should marry
| until she was 3d." Gracious! What
did you do then?" 81 called-after him
that / was .33 my next birthday, but he
didn't seem TO hea. Inc" Cleveland
1 Plain Dealer.
I. General "Phil'' Sheridan was at one
/ time asked Mt what little Incident lie
laughed the most. Well" he said, II
do not know, but l always laugh when
think of the Irishman and the army
mule was riding down the line one
day, when saw an Irishman mounted
on a mule, which was kicking its legs
rather freely. The mule finally got its
hoof caught in the stlrrup, when, in the
excitement, the Irishman remarked !:
Well, begorrah, If you're goln' to get
on. I'll get off! n"
Her Namesake.