davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1906-06-03
By julius Muller.

One OF the patient collectors Of humble
statistics. OF whom the woods in America
arc full, calculated one time that 1000
Jokes are printed daily in tho United
States about tho weather. These are tho
Jokes direct -Four hundred OF them are
bcsed daily on the motive simple or prt-
mcval in which a asks. What docs the
weather man say the weather VIII be to-
day7" Rainy" b replies. THANK Heav-
en- says a then I won't need to bother
about an umbrella!
This joke no doubt dates to the time
when the Missing Link first began 70 lose
bis fur, and thus became susceptible TO
The changes In tho weather
Most of the remaining jokes are based
on the motive sinister or sanguinary. a,
usually u cheerful fat man, inquiries earn
estly: ''Is 1t hot Tor cold, or ralny) enough
for your" Thereupon E kills him. This
joke is losing its popularity slowly In
ably VIII be supplanted entirely by tho
Joke that has for Its motive tho less In
human Idea that the thermometer IS fall
ing rapidly because tho nail on which 1t
Is hung has given way.
Whatever form 1T may take however.
the weather viii remain the great staple
for the American joke artisan. Rob him
OF the borrowed umbrella and the mis-
taken weather prophet and he would dis
aprcar like that other joker, tho bron-
tosaur, which set the cave-places OF the
bon ton OF the glacial ago aroar by the
fascinating inquiry, When does a sore
hurt most?" the answer being, of course,
when IL IL brontoseur.'
The poor weather man cannot get back
at the iokers ats all. In response to tho
1000 daily masterpieces OF wit and humor
he can only issue his stereotyped prognos-
tIcation for the next day, well knowing
that the entire country viii kindly over
look tho three hundred correct ones 10
pounce with angry laughter on the sixty
five incorrect ones Tor slxty-six for leap
years..
But there Is one field where the wealth
CT man is no joke There he is heard with
difference, and his utterances compel re-
spcct. True no is not asked for prophe-
cies In this field, but only for his story OF
the past: yet even that must be mex
whose lifcwork is viewed generally more
as a popular pastimc than as scientific
achievement.
This field is the law court-thc greatest
American amusement after baseball. The
cather man there Is an authority, Bo is
not called to analyze the weather that is
spelling the judges temper or setting the
intelligent jury 10 sleep. He is called To
swear TO what the weather was on certain
specific days and hours in the past.
$500 Cases Decided.
In the past ten years more than $500
cases have been decided In American
courts on the evidence furnished by the
weather records
Ninety per cent OF these cases nrc per-
sonal injury cases, and many times q
most carefully prepared suit for damages,
artistically arranged with suffering plain
tiff. witnesses and circumstantial evidence,
has been deplorably ruined by the records
of the weather bureau.
On the other hand defendant corpora
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1906-06-03

presentation. But we had some canaries.
monkeys and Java sparrows, bought In
tenderly all tho way home. more. how
ever, from their value to us as pets than
fIom any hope OF return Now as to the
result, | accumulated all the curios worth
having during the passage home in pay
Tcnt for teaching navigation-and l gave
them all away In London, finding them
utterly unsaleable Two dozen Java spar
rows and two canaries / sold to n dealer
In Upper East Smithheld for less than
half their, cost because l really could
not keep them. and as far as the monkeys
We're concerned we were only too glad
to find anybody who would accept them
from us and save us from the almost
impossible task of looking after them in
our boarding-houses. This may not be
romantic picture of the small traffic of
the seaman, but that 1t is true one
every sailor OF experience will testify,
Buys Dear and Sells Cheap.
keys, musk deer and rare foreign birds,
Is one that most sailors will engage in,
despite their limitations In regard OF food
and accommodation. but. alas. 1t Is one
that never can yield any profit. For IT
is so hard In the first place to keep the
poor delicate thing alive 1 have known
over a hundred birds to die In one morn
Ing of the cape. when homeward bound,
when an Icy blast from the Southern pole
has come sweeping over tho ship. Moth
ing could save them. And as for mon
KEYS; we'll perhaps the less said the bet
ter, since nothing the sailor Invests In
abroad Is productive OF more trouble. and
certainly no purchase Is less productive
OF profit. And even should these delicate
deRlzens OF foreign climes be brought
safely home by dnt of Infinite trouble
and care, IL is strange fact that they
arc always brought to the dealers shops
when there is an overwhelming stock on
hand. and II he takes them at all II Is
only from sheer philanthropy, pure pity
for the poor vendor. whom he knows
would otherwise be compelled to give
them away or sec them die
There is another branch OF sea traffic
which senmen used To engaged in which
can by no means be neglected. although
Ii only exists now In the few dcep-water
sailing ships that remain. / allude TO
the manufacture OF articles for use OF
ornament. usually Intended for sale, by
scamen In their spare time. There was
an amazing amount OF patience and in
gcnuity cxpended upon the things. and
Ii is certain that when the worker be-
came fully interested in his production
he often lost a great deal OF really es-
sential sleep. OF these minor Industries
7 think. should come first,
and for various reasons but principally
because IL is a legitimate offshoot from
the intricate and beautiful art OF sailor
izlng or manipulation OF rope and canvas
for the service of the ship. Mats in
many forms for cleanliness and for chat
ing-gcar were essential for the old sailing
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1906-06-03

ships. and very handsome specimens of
the seaman's art they were.
An Ingenious Workman.
And II was quite natural that II he
could get the materials Jack would de-
velop this art In aesthetic directions, such
yarns. which NAV even now be bought
FOR the purpose In bye streets of eailor
towns and various gaudy soft woods.
mandeered" Che wise it calD while sail
making, or acquired by barter from the
sail-makcr for tobacco. Jack could turn
out exceedingly handsome and durable
hearth rugs. or with wool alone ingenious
little mats for parlor decoration of the
old type. Or failing these a few odds
and ends OF rope and canvas collected"
While repairs are going on. would furnish
the materials for tho humber, If more
useful door mat OF various kinds. but all
exceedingly good and neat looking.
But 1t must be said that whatever Wis
ions of proht by the sale of these articles
may have been present to the mind of
the sailor during his long sclf-imposed
pieces Of good workmanship may usually
be seen adorning the rooms of boarding
houses and other dwellings, less reputable,
whose lessces have cajoled them out OF
easy-going Jack. No doubt he has had
In superlative degree the Joy OF the
working, and with that he has porforce
The following remarks apply even more
forcibly TO the craft of model-makine
and wood-corving. to which arc allied In
the whale ships OF the spermaceti fish,
cry the beautiful art OF hscrimshonlng'
or carving In bone and Ivory. | have
often seen work turned out by these en-
tirely self-teught artincers. which would
have graced any exhibition In the world
| have watched II In progress of con-
struction, watched the workman making
hls own toolS-out of files discarded by
the carpenter-out OF sail-needles broken
knives, anything OF steel. and have never
known which to admire most the con.
structive skill and ndaptive methods OF
the. artist. or his infinite patience and
self-sacrifce.
The Simple Hearted Sailor Man,
I am bound to use the latter word he
cause, after all, with such a humble set
OF poorly paid workers as sailors n Ia
certain that littlo return for all this
faithful toll would be of great value and
announcement TO them and II is enuaiiy
certain that In 90 cases out OF 100 thny
get none. I speak with absolute Ienowi,
edge, Tor | saw on my first voyage. now
nearly thirty-seven years ago a piece ~
work turned out by an A. g. that was
marvel a panorama OF the Downs WITH
thirty-four ships OF various Kinds nj nm.
chor. and getting under weigh etc all
In half model relief. and Of tho most
beautiful workmanship In wood carving
and delicate handling OF fairy-IiRht rIe
g'ng. II went at last to an absolutely
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1906-06-03

really had been notorious offender. At
almost the last moment however, the
railroad companys attorney thought of
the weather records and they showed
conClusively that on the night OF the fire
a high wind was blowing directly away
from the property and toward the rail-
road, This testimony was so convincing
that the Judge ordered the jury to bring
In a verdict for the railroad.
The great storm that wrecked Calves
ton caused many intricate law suits, not
only In Galveston, but throughout tho
whole country whero the effects were
felt. and the weather records played i'm
portant parts No doubt the San Fran
cisco earthquake will havo the same ef-
fCct The Galveston tidal wave was not
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1906-06-03

women and tailorS, when liberty daY came
our Just skipper gave us all a months s
pay (of course 1t was overdue) and sent
us ashore, The money was In notes or
the HonGkOng bank and Shanghai bank
US having mado up our minds that we
would spend half our capital In curios,
mostly TO sell again,
Obviously the Iirst thing to do when
we got ashore was to have drink. but
i being teetotallcr suggested a feed In
stead, and as In those days n sailing
ships ratlons wcro always fairly scanty
my proposal was agreed to We went TO
a Chinese restaurant and had what VIC
considered n good meal although | now
shudder TO remember the lndeiinlteness Of
It's constituent parts. Then with all
ses man. 3 horror OF paper money In any
shape we decided to ask the proprietor if
he would change our bank notes into ster
ling silver at par Yes he would. seeing
that were such good customers, and
he was very fond OF English sailors, etc.
So we received from him the face value
OF our notes In current heavy Mexican
collars, and were delighted
We sailed forth upon Queens road and
Invaded the curio shops, intent upon our
plan Of purchase for later profit. Then
we found TO our amazement and almost
uuspeaknble rage that whereas silver
dollar was always ut par value. In other
words that We had voluntarily presented
out of eNery four We had exchanged. y
little gift amounting to over four pounds,
IL was bitter pill And we could blame
nobody. not even ourselves.
No Encouragement to Trade.
| think that under the circumstances we
could hardly have been blamed If we had
then determined TO spend the balance in
riotous living in the reaction of our
shame and rage. But we did not. We
purchased a large quantity OF what | now
know was worthless rubbish, and carried
II on board, hoping that our profits would
be sufficient to console us for the folly
wo had been unwittingly guilty of Short
ly afterwards We sailed for Manila u
am speaking of twenty-cight years ngo)
and "a soon as we anchored, the customs
officers came on board. Entering tho
TO isle they overhauled our treasures and
seized thom as not being on the ships
manifest, and obviously not being person.
nj apparel or tools. Even our spare stock
OF soap was taken.
dare not hint at the scene which
came perilously near bloodShed. II end
ed peacefully by the whole OF our dear
Investment being boated ashore we being
Informed that we could resume possession
OF them by paying fines OF about treble
what we had paid for them
What trouble the skipper took on our
behalf do not know, but just before VIC
sailed our cUrios were brought back,
flung Dromlscuously into an open boat in
n pclting shower OF rain, which rendered
most of them useless, either for sale or
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1906-06-03

the subject OF the weather bureaus tes-
tmony any more than the earthquake
probably Will be. But the weather rec
ords were and will be vastly important as
bearing on wind conditions and thus
casting light on the causes that set GER
tain buildings afre OF caused walls to
fall after the earthquake had passed.
Three days after Galveston was wreck
ed a gallo carried away the top of a
freight car near Chicago and dropped II
on another railroad track just in front
OF a flying passenger express train. 1t
caused bad wreck, although no one was
killed.
AT the trial of the first damage suit,
the attorney for the railroad called tho
observer at tho Chicago weather bureau
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1906-06-03

woman alleged that she had been trying
10 shut n window which had been left
and that sho had been pitched out
as the car rounded curve. The weather
observer showed by his records that It
day, and that there was no occasion for
shutting tho window.
a suit FOR a very large amount was
brought some years ago I'm Chicago
against a railroad company by the own
ers of some property which had been
destroyed completely by fire The claim
was that sparks from pussing locomotives
had started the flames, and for a time IT
seemed as If the case were surely going
the plaintiffs way. because the railroad
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1906-06-03

track of the great Galveston storm. The
observer did SO, showing that II had
passed northward with greatly diminished
energy after wrecking Galveston, but that
II redeyeloped and gained new strength
on reaching Kansas. and that after
changing Its course to the northeast, 1t
V as centered over Iowa on the morning
OF the railroad wreck On that day II
crossed the Great Lakes with hurricane
force. reaching velocity of ninety miles
al Chicago.
The lawyers Clever Plan.
When the lawyer addressed the jury he
showed what his purpose had been In in
Producing the weather records; He I'm
fact that the cause Of the accident was
the great Galveston storm and, therefore.
one of those natural catastrophes for
which no human being could be held re-
sponsible. In this attempt he was sue
cessful. Tho jury returned verdict for
the railroad.
Two years afterward there was another
Western States. In Indiana the wind
blew a freight car from a siding TO the
main track and then pushed 1T two miles
till 1t rammed passenger train head-on
in the darkness. killing and woundsng
many persons The railway company
could not hope to escape paying dam
ages because the car could not have
passed from the siding II the switches
had been set properly. But the weather
records were introduced. just the same.
In the hope that evidence showing the
great and unusual severity of the storm
would lessen the amount of damages to
some extent. and this was achieved.
There are innumerable lawsuits every
year over damages to perishable freight
and many times the weather bureau rec
oTjs have figured III court to show tho
temperature along shipping routes from
loo0 to 5000 miles long.
a common cause OF street car accidents
is the failure to stop car In time, and
the railroad company often puts I'm the
defense that the rails were slippery so
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1906-06-03

purpose and OF course the sailor who
has a private store of money Is Il rara
avis indeed Still a good deal of buy
ing does take5place. and 1T is the most
Usual thing to hear Jack say. upon be-
Ing demonstrated with by some slightly
wiser shlpmate. We'll, anyhow. l can
always get my money back for the truck
when ] get home" Poor Jack, II would
be interesting to trace the destination OF
those Tubblshly "curios' and to compare
what Jack gets for them with his out
lay.
Where Does the Profit Come Inp
Most of Jacks purchases abroad. how
ever. must be credited to the bumboat,
the purYeyor OF fruit, soft bread eggs,
etc, luxuries which his stomach longs
for after his long abstinence at sea. and
for which he gets no return In cash. In
clothes and for washing. that is to say,
he runs UP bills which the captain VIII
by and by settle, upon receiving Il liberal
discount for himself And have known
cases where suTreptltIouS bottles OF un-
speakably vile liquors have also been
purchased by him at cXorbitant prices
from these visiting merchants and entered
as bars of soap, or a monkey or a parrot.
which has died or flown away opportune
ly. ! say / have known. for 1t has usu-
ally been my lot TO be bookteeper. and
enter up in the native vendors ledger
tho amount each individual has expended,
receiving n small honorarium in kind for
my services.
But what IT may be asked does this
sailor by to sell again? In what is he a
merchant on small scale? 1t must be
confessed that he does very little In that
way, indeed. For In the first place his
opportunities are exceedingly limited and
in the next. when he reaches home where,
IL anywhere, he may hope to find q mar
ket, he usually Is too much excited 10
exercise the true commercial spirit, and
so his carefully guarded purchases are
all too apt TO be given away 10 most
unworthy rccipients And even if he
keeps clear head. and does try to re-
alize upon his outlay he IL certain TO
meet with tho most astute dealers In tho
world. Jews. who throps every seaport
and make their living bv trading upon
sfamen's folly. And It may be takon for
granted that he who buvs from HIndus
Mussulmen, Chinese or Jananese at one
side of the world. and sells to Jews on
the other. making 81 profit on the trans
actions, is 2 financial genius Of the very
highest order. one who would make
fortune under anv conditions 7 need not
sav thar such pnracons or commerce are
seldom found aroone aaiIors.
A Day Ashore.
As an instance illustrative OF the fore
going remarks. I would like to quote here
an experience of my own. I WAS an. able
seaman on board OF an English barque
called the Dartmouth. which carried
cargo OF coal from Cardiff to Honekone
In the latter port. although we had all
Incurred depts to bumboat men. washer
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1906-06-03
Usually Helps Defendants.

Stnl, the weather records usually are
more useful To the corporations than to
the plaintiffs in personal injury cases, be-
cause, however corrupt corporations may
be in defending suits, the number OF
fraudulent plaintiffs is enormous.
Thus. one of the United States weather
observers was called in n case where n
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1906-06-03
Weather and Nu,!s|

One weather nan va d
der trial BY the dsftss
that the night was un1s7'|
testimony saved the Eisos
two principal witnesses swt
ton had sworo tbs, ia {
accused take the victim g
the murder, although "a d
hundred feet away.
In another murder tri1 a
trcduced by the weathif u
temperature was coz -
certain month 10 pre,t.I. q
murdered man wlthast a
ticc.
The weather bureau u7t
man of a -ich family { q
eral years ago. A t11s7
attempted In The tolss q
pants were certain tx 7
they had recognized ihtt fr|
who lived In the esar-a
circumstantlal ey1dina NJ
It looked black foE "a H
lawyer called on the vslix
ords and proved that -
time OF the burglary ~
very violent thuuderfla1
nan, who had arrestta "
after the attempt, -
shoes were not wet cf -
and the jury acquli:a
Later the real cuirrit ~
proved TO bear q sfoa5 =
the accused man. +.
Copyright, lss, b J. VI
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1906-06-03

s7iT cnQld nn.l
pry rail can bs esc,.,s ,ss = ss
In which cass tho ,a esel-t
,r:si9l responsible BY reO,i Si1 1,slsT
caused by recon, !. Ts
9Geations. beoauss ,sn an. nl
nv or othe- atmosns.e.- -s
oIch ~. that the eyay.5ra,i.: is,g1i &
or The drying up of fu,: x. Z
l1Yed Tor Several :, Mnln 4
has censsd s usI
The "snow-and.r. NJ
Evidence as In g..
course, called for frsa'..as' Ss y
m IN cities. When piaItt;,s,
INJURY In falling from .,a, ....
the railroad eomps,,.' r, is'st
prove that the injery ~
safely from tho ca, ts|
municipalities. t6o
Icy streets or sideT,iI.-
That an injury has hs,.
sidewalks. SO comm, !, Z
fense thst it has rtcshA9,
SNOW and ice d.fer,ss
In marine disaster, 4. /.
Is important 10 o-ass ~
storm warnings were aI,,,,,|
wrecked ship EFF pe1
warnings were parvls5hs,
especially IL shlpmas,tr ~
remain In port. The rsss-T'
aster would generally ,sr, :,
The condition OF n. No.
eject on vision. ID aastsr !,
Ing which the wsatbsr -
often. especially IN ON, y
land or water. The ort.I-.
frequently whether cr pot a.
enough TO see a path 81.
street or some obsitu7tts 4
observer Is called nasr -
ga to the strength of ,hs Ef,
tain conditions. e
The midland journal. (Rising Sun, Md.) 1885-1947, 1906-01-05

The General Assembly of Maryland
met at Annapolis on Wednesday at noon,
for organization for the session of 1906
which will occupy ninety days. The
democratic caucus on Tuesday nigh
showed that German and the machine
were still in control of the party, as the
slate of nominees prepared by them for
officials in the House and Senate went
through without break, although the
contest for President of the Senate was a
heated one, the nomination finally being
won by Senator Seth, the machine can
didate, over Senator Moore, backed by
the friends ofex- Governor Smith.
The republican caucus also met Tues
day night but adjourned until Wednes
day morning when the party nominations
for House and Senate officials were made.
The midland journal. (Rising Sun, Md.) 1885-1947, 1906-01-05
The Legislative Committee which h

The Legislative Committee which has
been pursuing All investigation into the
methods of the insurance companies o.
New York for the past four months, con.
Guided its sessions on Saturday. The
inquiry has brought to light startling
disclosures, revealing state of rotten.
ness, commonly called graft, which has
existed since the organization of the
companies, during which time vast sums
of money invested by policy holders have
been Incorporated and used to the
advantage oil the officials of the COM
panies, who in addition to voting them
selves princely salaries diverted to their
own pockets the immense profits accru-
ing from the investment of the millions
of dollars paid by the policy holders, who
should have received the benefit in div
ideuds on their policies.
The vast accumulation of testimony,
which contains revelations that have
astounded the public, will be prepared in
the form of a report to the Legislature.
Whether these insurance thieves will
be prosecuted and sent to the peniten-
tiary. as they SO richly deserve, is doubt
fri. as their stealings have made them
wealthy, thereby placing in their hands
means with which to defeat legal prose
cution not within reach of the petty thief