davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-01-02
HVMOR OF THE Day

NO" said the teacher in her usual em-
phatic way. like will not . produce luce un-
onion seed. It is an imperative rule. Ike
member that.
Then Johnnie raised his hand. Teach
err" he hesitatingly said.
You can get milk from a COW. can't
AZ then then Johnnie had to stay an hour
after school-Cleveland Plain Dealer
Bridget latter taking up the callers
card)-She amt at home, ma'am.
Caller-Really? Are you sure2
Bridget-Fair, OF am not, but She
seemed to be.-Philadelphia Press.
Ferry-Flies and mosquitoes are hardy
Riehmond-what makes you think so?
Ferry-Why, they hear ali people say to
them, and you never heard OF one be-
ing talked to death!-Yonkers States
man.
forty thieves in The Arabian Nights?'
mo, but I've been keeping up with the
insurance Investigations in New York. -
st. Louis Post-Dispatch.
1T costs a good deal to get. a thorough,
college education, doesn't It, Henry
asked one of his friends.
Naw.' responded the. husky young
athlete. 1T amt costin' me nothin -
Chicago Tribune.
Mamma, did you ever ilirt when you
YES, my dear; did once"
And were you punished for it.:
1T led to my marriage with your
father Taller.
'.Of course" said the man who had
opened the new store in the place. Il
haven't a great deal of capital, but I'll
win. I'm going to run my business On
regular business principles
You are?" said the local banker, be-
coming interested. do you get a rebate
.4r-f4t or Hs,x-a q under
standing with the wholesalers "-ChicaSO
Tribune.
Fond Father-So you want to marry my
Ardent Admirer-Yes. sir.
Ardent Admirer-She is willing if you
are.-Philadelphia Telegraph
Mrs Jawback-TH never forget how
sheepish you looked when you proposed
Mr.. awback-Naturally. lou had been
pulling the wool over my eyes for sonoe
time.-Cleveland Leader.
Time is money. young man
THAT so2 Well, I've a bunch Of time
bills. ''-Philadelphia Ledger.
Parson Jackson-Does. you take this
man TO better or WuSs2
The Bride-Ahll take him les. as lie AM,
If he gets any better Use 'fraid he'll die,
and if he gets any wuss III Kill him
mahself.-Puck-
First Tramp-A dog came up ter me
yesterday wot was so tame dat he eat
out of my nan5
Second Tramp met dog de other
day wot eat out of my leg.-Chicago
Journal
Great Britain is going to send over a
commission to investigate our idiot asy-
Iums."
How stupid those Rritons are! They
think all our idiots are in asylums. -
Cleveland Plain Dealer.
Aseum-I hear your family has gone
south for the winter
Miss Stickler (of Boston)-Not al all.
They have gone south for the absence Of
winter peculiar to that locality-Phila-
delphia Press.
No" said the gossip. 'the divorce case
of Mr.. and Mrs. Swellman has not been
finally decided vet. There's some hitch in
the proceedings
Yes" replied Cutting. I suppose it's
over the question as to who is to have
the custody of the pug dog, Catholic
Standard.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-01-02
THE INNOcENT BYsTANDER.

A gentleman in this city went out to
milk the COW Sunday evening, and she
was so Unruly that he became vexed
beyond control, grabbed the milk stool
and hurled it at the COW. but she side
stepped and the stool hit the mans
wife, who was out watching the con-
test. Another case of an innocent by
stander getting the worst of the battle.
Pratt Union.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-01-02
a PREnIcAArENT,.

Oh. women are strangest things
There are beneath the SUM-
Although know that very we'll
mean to marry one!
But which one is the question, for
don't know what to do;
Although I mean to marry one
am engaged to two!
The situation surely is
AS trying as can be:
Although I am engaged to two
am in love with threei
And then there is another fact
That troubles me still more:
Although I am in love with three
am beloved by four!
Susman, in January Smart Set
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-01-02
More IMAM He Could Stand.

Turning to the prisoner at the bar,
the Judge said: Have you anything to
say before sentence is passed.
Z have nothing to say, your honor"
replied the prisoner, Except to protest
against the language used by the prose-
cutting attorney. I am only a murderer,
your honor-nothing worse-and he has
no right to denounce me as if I were the
defendant in a society divorce case. -
Chicago News.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-01-02
FROM OTHER PENS
REBATES.

The big railroads have agreed not to
break the law any more by granting
rebates. For year or more every
railroad president in the country has
been protesting that no such a thing
as rebates existed. Is their present
agreement more to be trusted than
their reiterated denial, which. as they
now confess, was false? The time is
past for making treaties with the rail-
roads as if they were Independent
sovereignties. They must obey the
law whether they agree to it or not
Portland Oregonian.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-01-02
TOUGH LUCK.

Among the recent examples of
rubbing it in" may be cited the ex-
perience of the Nebraska man who
was fired from Office by the president
on December %, and received from
a friend on Christmas day d set of the
Roosevelt books.=Ottawa Herald.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-01-02
REFLECTIONS OF A BACHELOR
[From the New York Press.l

TF'rOm the New York PIess.I
A woman never quits having Dlrtn-
days; she quits counting them
It is queer the way chorus girls seem
to he abIe to do most anything but
sing
A girl is hardly ever afraid to climb
& fence if there is a good reason Tor II.
You don't have to take careful aim to
kiss a pretty girl where it wiil make
you happy to do 1t.
When man makes his bank balance
agree with the cashiers without hay
ing to 20 over it nine times. his wife
wonders why he isn't secretary Of the
treasury.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-01-02

Associated Press and receives the fun day
telegraph report Of that great news or
ganizatiOn for exclusive evening pubh-
cation
The State Journal receives for exclusive
publication the leased wire report of the
Publishers Press for the edition for Sun
day morning.
The news is received in tho State Jour
nal building over wires for this sole pur-
nose.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-01-02

Perhaps some of those legal expen-
ses'' of the New York Life that Attor-
ney Hamilton has been spending. was
used in Europe. A January magazine
publishes a picture of the New York
Life building in Paris with the state
zlent that it has been relieved of taxes
because st IS the most perfect Office
building in Europe" That would sound
suspicious I'm America.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-01-02

OF course it is cause for rejoicing
that THE state treasury is sure to get
back 100000 of the money T. T.
Kelly illegally deposited in the First
National bank, but the Hutchinson
News cannot forget that the state will
stiil be about a quarter of a million
dollars short on account of Kelly's
~7-fr,7a
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-01-02

A St Petersburg Dispatch says the
car arouses the enthusiasm of his
soldiers these days by showing them
the infant czarvitch. If the cars SOL
diers were women folks one might
possibly credit this statement. but as
they are mere men it is difficult to be-
lieve that they grow very enthusiastic
over a baby
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-01-02
RUT SOME HAVE.

The idea Of Selling a ten dollar
course in agriculture" to Dickinson
county farmers for $43.5O is so ride
ulOus that it would occur to nobody
but a MissOurian. It is no wonder
the school boards refused to pay for
them. Dickinson farmers know agri-
culture when they see it.-Abilene
Reflector.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-01-02
STR ANGE IDEA.

The New York grangers have re-
solved that Senators Plat and Depew
should resign. The granger idea is
that a hired man should behave him
self and earn his wages, or quit
Chanute sun.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-01-02

A great many persons. particularly
politicians and members of the IegisIa-
ture, are anxiously watching the mails
these days to see if the railroads really
intend to pay any attention to this
anti-pass agitation.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-01-02

The philosopher of the stockton
News remarks that too many young
men open bottles and too few open
bank accounts. And incidentally it is
exeeedingIy diaicuIt to open both.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-01-02
IA pOINTER N PETE

King Peter of Servia has sent a
friendly message to the president.
Pete might as we'll understand, right
now, that a man with his reputation
can not work a stand in and get in
vited to the wedding
Journal
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-01-02

Russia viii get around to celebrate
Christmas the last of this week Must
be that Santa Claus is a little bit shy
abount venturing into the cars do
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-01-02
A NEW YEAR WISH

Our wish for 1905: May the state
of Kansas have a cleaner slate in the
matter of crime than it has had for
the past year There's been alto
gether too much shedding of blood to
suit us-Onaga Republican.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-01-02

One Of the good things of the Christ
by Hamilton Wright Mabie: Blessed
IS the season that engages the whole
world in a conspiracy of love"
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-01-02

Perhaps you did not find just what
you wanted in your Christmas stock
ings: Wen, if you watch the advertis-
ing columns you viii probable find it
mentioned now at a reduced price.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-01-02

Those men who borrowed call money
at 125 per cent probably needed it to
pay for the Christmas. present their
wives had bought Tor them.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-01-02

The secretary Of the Employers as
ISOLATION in Chicago is named Job, but
the types do not indicate whether it is
pronounced with a long 90 like a man
OF many troubles, or with a short 90"
Either would be suggestive.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-01-02

Those young naval cadets might be
cured of their playfulness by being
shipped before the mast for a few years.
Portland Oregonian
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-01-02

FULL LEASED WIRE REPORT OF
THE ASSOCIATED PRESS EVERY
WEEK DAY AND PUBLISHERS
PRESS REPORT ON SATURDAY
NIGHT FOR THE EDITION FOR
SUNDAY MORNING.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-01-02

They had all been to church and the
young minister was coming home to
dine with them. While at dinner they
were discussing the new stained glass
window a meber had gwen.
IT is a most beautiful piece of work
rnanship," said one, land must have
cost a great deal of money"
DO you have any idea how much?'
Il really do not replied the minister.
"but far into the hundreds, I should
imagine"
NO it didn't, either" said little Har-
old. Il know how much it was. Tt cost
S1410."
sWhy Harold, how do you know any
thing about it?r
because. mamma, it said at the bot
tom of the window, Job 14.10.' ''-Cleve-
land Plain Dealer.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-01-02
HOW TO DO IT

Hazing at West Point and Annapolis
might be stopped under the provisions
of the law prohibiting officers of the
army and navy from receiving decora-
tions.-W ashington Post.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-01-02

Notwithstanding all that is going on
in New York. Mr.. Odeu shows very lit
tie disposition to go back to his grocery
store for keeps.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-01-02

Kansas is entirely too modest to ask
for a more prosperous year that 1905
was. Kansas has nerve, but there is
a limit to it.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-01-02

John Bunyan's anvil sold in London
for e255. His hammer would be worth
more and is needed more in these days
of political and business rascality.-NeW
York Herald.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-01-02

A lot Of people will doubtless uninten-
tionally quite the pass habit in these
first days OF the new. year, but it will
be through no fault Of their own.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-01-02
HOPE FOR HOLLAND.

The DEMOCRATS having carried Boston,
it is to be hoped that the Dutch will
now feel themselves quite secure in Hol-
land.-NeW York Mail
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-01-02
NONE NEEDED.

Ex-Governor OdelI of New York has
announced that he is against President
Roosevelt, but so far the president has
failed to express any regrets over the
fact.-Cofeyvill Record.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-01-02
PERHAPS So.

Among the tremendous possibilities
of future wars is that there is likely
to be a regiment of rough riders com
posed exclusively of namesak es of Col
Theodore Roosevelt.-Chicag Tribune
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-01-02
ANOTHER ONE.

The Topeka State Journal boasts
about its new pFess-says it's the only
color press in the state. How about
Colonel Major Jeltz's press? Isn't it
a color press alma Enterprise.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-01-02

You win notice that Uncle Russell
Sage had not spent all of his spare cash
for Christmas presents. He had few
millions in his safe ready to loan when
the interest rate got high enough.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-01-02

Recent rumors concerning the Morris
report concerning the state treasury are
not such as to allay an uneasy feeling
In certain quarters.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-01-02

Whatever else the new year may have
in store for him, the car can be sure
Of one thing: 1906 viii bring him an
abundance Of trouble.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-01-02

No matter what Amalgamated may
do to Lawson it is quite probable that
he will save enough to keep his press
agent.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-01-02

In Mr.. Harriman's assertion that Gov
ernor Oden gets his political influence
from him, 1t would appear that he has
been keeping the ex-governor on pretty
short rations lateIy.-Indianapo News.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-01-02

The car is called little father by
the Russians. 1t is quite evident that
he is not big enough for the job.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-01-02

Edison, the inventor, says that great
discoveries are about to be made. Per
haps Tesla is to be heard from again
Washington Star.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-01-02

In closing favorable notice for
Judge J. S. Vests candidacy for at
eorney general. the Lawrence Journal
said: ut has been the impression all
aloaz that 3. Z. WILLIAMS would be the
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-01-02

There are lucky Nicholases and I'M
lucky Nicholases. Here's an easy one
which is the lucky one, the car or
Longworth?-New York Mail.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-01-02

The Hon. John Sharp Williams says
the country is tired of the Republican
party and afraid of the Democratic par
ty. Mr.. Williams is half right, any
how.-Chicago Tribune.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-01-02

Jerry Watson got 515 --0+~- for mayor
Of Boston. and Tom Watson got a few
more than that for president.-New
York Herald.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-01-02

OF course if Oakland desires to move
into Topeka we win try to make room
for her.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-01-02

It is easier to be rich than to Be hap
by, but nobody ever got any satisfaction
out of that thought York Press.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-01-02
ND d Is NEEDF

Looks as If there soon would be
plenty of room at the top" in the life
insurance busiress.-New York Herald.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-01-02

BY abolishing free transportation the
railroads will sidetrack some politicians
who are deadheads in more than one
sense.=Baltimore Sun.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-01-02
RUssIA.s EMBLENf.

A stranger might imagine that the
red flag was the national standard Of
Russia just now.-New York Evening
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-01-02

Some years ago A. w. Armour of
Kansas City made a special trip to
Eastford. CT, to look up the history
and the graves of his ancestors. IN
the neighboring village Of Westford he
found an aged man who had personally
known his grandparents, and could
give much information of value
The aged informant was indeed an
exemplar of the simple life,'' as in
his 20 years of life up to that time
his only Journeys beyond the confines
Of his native village had been one trip
on foot to Chaplin. six miles distant,
and one memorable ride on the cars
from West Wilmington to Stafford
Springs, another six-miIe trip, but nine
miles away from Westford. Faithful
Old Biz was the title he had earned
at home, by his absolute loyalty in
doing chores around the neighbor-
hood, and in all his 20 years he had
asp1red to no other life.
After questioning "Old Bill" for
long time. Mr.. Armour suddenly said
to him: We'll. you've always lived
around here, haven't you?''
"Oh, no." was the prompt response,
with an emphasis that showed a survey
of distances much more real than any
casual thought Mr.. Armour himself
might have entertained at the moment
as to his own distance from Kansas
City: "Oh, no; I was born and raised
over two miles from herei"-BOstOn
Herald.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-01-02
Wynne's Foggy Weather Joke.

Consul General Wynne, formerly post
master general, is back in Washington,
having been recalled from London to
appear as a witness in the trial of the
indicted postoffice contractor, Crawford.
Wynne was at the White House yester-
day. brilliant in a long English coat and
Bond street silk hat.
Wynne says he likes life in London
first rate, and even enjoys the weather.
An English chappie," he remarked,
"said to me one day: I say. General
Wynne, how do you like our beastly
weather. the fogs and rains, you know
Il like the weather all right I re-
piled Why shouldn't I, I am not a cab
driver
Now. that's awfulIy clever said my
friend 7 had never looked at it that
way brooklyn Eagle.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-01-02
Harmsworth on Reporters Morals.

HarmswOrth on Reporters Morals.
Sir Alfrad Harmsworth, speaking of
THE Making of the Modern Newspa-
per-" in The World To-Day, says:
AS one of the younger men engaged
in the making of neWspa pers, am very
willing that our present day wares
should be compared with those that
went before. l came into the business
a. the end of the Bohemian era. Today,
alcoholism is as rare in Fleet street as
it is in any other professional quarter.
No person who spends his leisure in a
pothouse could maintain his place
amidst the strain and stress of the
production of a daily Newspaper. The
journalist of today is as often as notRa
journalist tout court. He is not an uh-
successful barrister, and he has not
adopted journalism as means to some
other occupation. The prizes may not
be as great as they are in one or two
instances at the bar but they are in
finitely more numerous. The social posi-
ton is as good as that Of any other
working profession. The brain equip
nent must needs be as complete.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-01-02

Mrs. Jawback-Tu never forget how
sheepish you looked when you proposed
Mr.. overwhelmingly You had been
pulling the wool over my eyes for some
time.-Cleveland Leader.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-01-02

sOf course" said the man who had
opened the new store in the place Il
haven't a great deal of capital, but III
win I'm going to run my business un
regular business principles
You are2' said the local banker, be-
coming interested. DO you get a rebate
on freights-or have you a secret under
standing with the wholesalers ''-ChicaSO
Tribune.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-01-02

Time is money. young man
THAT so? Wen, I've a bunch of time
III hand I'd like you to break into small
bills. '-Philadelphia Ledger.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-01-02

Mamma, did you ever 1lirt when you
were a girl?"
yes, my dear; I did once"
And were you punished for it?'
1T led to my marriage with your
father. Taller.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-01-02

Parson Jackson-Does You take this
man TO better or Wuss2
The Brde-Ah'n take him ies. as lie am,
If he gets any better Use fraid he'll die,
and if he gets any wuss III kill him
mahself.-PUck-
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-01-02

1T costs a good deal to get a thorough
college education, doesn't 1t, Henry"
asked one of his friends.
Nawi" responded the husky young
athlete. 1T amt costin' me nothin -
Chicago Tribune.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-01-02

Have you ever read the story of the
forty thieves in The Arabian Nights"
No, but I've been keeping up with the
insurance Investigations in New York
st. Louis Post-Dispatch.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-01-02

Fond Father-So you want to marry my
daughter
Ardent Admirer-Yes, sir.
Fond Father-What are your prospects2
Ardent Admirer-She is willing if you
are.-Philadelphia Telegraph.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1906-01-02

First Tramp-A dog came up ter me
yesterday wot was tame dat he eat
out of my nana.
Second Tramp met a dog de other
day wot eat out of my leg.-Chicago
Journal
The San Juan islander. [volume] (Friday Harbor, Wash.) 1898-1914, 1906-07-28
Iot1ss Of San Juan County Land =.

Noticeia hereby gwen that ir.
an order heretofore entered On accordance VII,
July, 1896, by the board Of conr., ne 3rd day ~
ers Of San Juan County, Washine. commission
the sale OF the real property Ss,a directinc
scribed, acquired by the said csS,,.seinafter de-
Juan Tor delinquent taxes under ,oty Of San
suit and sale, !, the undersinned ~ Ioreclosurs
urer Of said county will, on the mi. county treas
1896, commencing 1t O'Clock a. n, ~ 1ay Of july
ing until O'Clock p. m. of said da, -. continu
door OF the county court house. in r a. me front
Dol, IN said county and state sell to thy Har-
and best bidder FOR cash the follow;rnh highest
real property situated In said county .aessribed
. North t Rsss w O. the Ne. OF Sec. ~
NV. u Of the Ne. Il Of Ser. % -
Range West. - A"p. 81, North
Ne Ne: x Of the NV. X ofsec. IS, Twp ,, r
S: 4 q the Nv. X of Sec. IS, Twp :, ,,
w Part Of Lot s. Sec. 10, Twp. IS, North p.s
Ne. x Of the Nv Y of Sec. az. rwr
Range West % A"p IS, North
Sc. 4 Of the Nv. u of Sec. Is, rwn
Range West, y "p IS, North.
Range West. Twp IS, North.
Range West. % A"p 80, North,
Range West w. M. ''' A"p' 80 North,
Lot {, Sec. 8. Twp. 36, North Range ,u..
Dated at Friday Harbor Washinotou
5th day OF July, 1906. this
Treasurer of San Juan County W.sh;Nfo
FIRST puDi1catiOn, Ju1y7 1000 s'oh,