Heppner gazette. [volume] (Heppner, Morrow County, Or.) 1892-1912, 1906-01-18
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)t1)tesf}T&8|s II

MED 1t, hasn't she't'-Milwaukee Sen
tinel.
"Know anything about golfT II
used to play shiny" Then all you'll
have to learn is the language. ."-Hous-
ton Post
Hewitt-Misfortunes never come SIN
gly. Jewett-I know It; yesterday I
received two wedding invitations By
the same mail.-Judge
Promise me. Jack, that you will not
go to the dogs because l have refused
YOU" "Oh, pshaw, of course notF'
You mean thing"'-Life.
Ethel rather like that young
Doubleday. He has good, firm mouth
and chin Myrtle-Goodness! Has he
been kissing you, too?-Ex.
An how's yer wife, Pat?' "Sure,
she do be awful sick" rs ut danger
Gus she isl" mo, she's too weak t be
dangerous amy more"-Ex.
Aunt-Yes, Johnny, Santa Claus
brought you baby brother. Johnny
Great Scott Another present that
amt any use.-Harpers Bazaar.
What do you know about the world;
sir? Didn't you spend your youth in
a theological seminary" "Ah, but it
was right next to girls college. >
Life
Lady-Do you think this medicine
would do my husband any goodi Drug
gist-Im sure Of it, madam. Lady
Hum, What other kinds have you
goti-Ex.
Bridget" "Yis, num- did you
boil this drinking water, as | told
you" "Yis, mum. ! billed 1t two
hours. Why, amt it doneT-Cleve-
land Leader.
Lawyer-Your honor, l want an in
terpreter for my client. Judge-What
language does he speak? Lawyer
He's railway brakeman.-St. Louis
Post Dispatch.
Grandpa-And If you work hard you
may be President of the United States
some day. Tommy-Gee! Thatt be
great. I'd just love to go huntin'.-
Harper's Bazaar,
Edith-Papa is immensely pleased to
hear you are poet. Ferdy-Is her
Edlth-Oh, very-the last of my lovers
he tried to lick was football player.
Chicago Daily News.
do you deal in secondhand auto
mobiles? If you do, l want to sell
mine" "Yes, sir, we do. How long
have you had your machine?" Since
this morning."-Life.
Church, see New York man has
fourteen educated dogs. Gotham
Good gracious. No wonder they can't
find seats for the children in the public
schools.-Yonkers Statesman.
Small Boy (eXcitedly to druggist)-
Gimme some liniment an some cement,
quick! Druggist-What's the matter.
Johnny? Small Boy-Lots. Pa hit
ma wild cup!-New York World.
Burroughs-Say, old man, there was
time when you promised to share
your last dollar with me. Rlchley-
That's all right; l haven't got down to
1t yet.-Catholic Standard and Times.
Auctioneer-Going! Going; Gonel
Here, sir, it's yours. Great bargain.
sir The frame alone Is worth the
price. Connoisseur Gripping out the
picture)-The frame was what l want
ed.-New York Weekly.
Cannibal King-I do hope the next
missionary they send here will be a
very brave man. Prime Minster-Why
So your majesty? Cannbal King
Why, / have often heard it said that
1.-The bravest are the tenderest."-Ex.
"You here, James" exclaimed the
slum worker, visiting the jail "Yes'm,"
replied the new prisoner. who was in
for burglary. We'll, well, l certainly
am surprised $50 was /, ma am, or
l wouldn't be here"-Philadelphia
Press.
George-You are not calling on Miss
Rosebud any more, eh? Jack-No, I
got disgusted. She has such n coarse
laugh George never noticed that
Jack-You would if you'd been within
hearing distance when | proposed to
her.-New York Weekly.
Little Freddy after listening to the
usual matutinal quarrel between his
father and mother)-Mamma, il little
boy Is very. very good all the time
when he is little, does he have to get
married when he's grown up7-Trans-
lated for Tales from Familie Journal.
Are you going to get the automobile
which the doctor ordered for your
wife?" Cant afford 1t, but we have
almost the real thing. She puts on a
pair of gasoline cleaned gloves. takes
a long, long ride on the front seat Of
a trolley car. and walks ck."-Life.
Fair Visitor-Here, my poor man.
are some roses for you. What can I
do to make you comfortable? Pris-
oner-Guess you're making a mistake.
lady. Fair Nisitor-Mistake- e-how1
/ Prisoner-Tm only here for porch
climbin'. Yerll find the guy that
killed his wife in tn mex cell.-Cleye-
/ land Leader.
| Reversed.