davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1906-09-23
A Faithful Nurse,

Pats wife was very i'll and the doc.
tor, who was about to leave the house,
was giving. Pat implicit directions as to
the way of giving some medicine that
he was leaving. $50 ~...... - !
"Now,' he said as final injunction,
"syou must be very careful in giving
gerous, and an over quantity is liable
to kill her. You must not give her
particle more than what will 90 on
a dime. Do you see9o After being
satisfied that Pat understood, he left
the house.
In few hours he returned to find
the woman dead. Much astonished, he
asked Pat what sudden change had
tks Irishman said calmly: 'ESure, [
didn't have doime, so took two
foives.'' =. M. V. R,
Annandale, MINI.
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1906-09-23

packages and shopping bag, and the
following confab ensued:
"Ain't you rather young to be left
in charge Of a drug store9'
"Perhaps so, ma 'am; what can I do
for you7' ~
ysut to aays mere boy like
you in charge Of such a place9'
~ am competent to serve you,
madam, if you will state your wants. -
"Don It they know you might poison
someone?'~
"There is no danger of that, madam;
what can do for you?'
81 think had better go to another
store.'
~ can serve you as we'll as they
can, and as cheaply.'
"Well, you may give me a :2-cent
stamp, but it don't look right
Jamestown, N. D.. R. D. G..
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1906-09-23
This Cruel World.

She glided into the office and quietly
approached the editors desk. II have
a poem, she began.
"Wellq' exclaimed the editor with a
look and tone intended to annihilate
her, but she calmly resumed:
II have written poem on my
Fathers Barn. and-'
"Oh!" interrupted the editor with
extraordinary. suayity, '.'you don't
ten on your fathers barn, ehg I was
afraid it was written on paper and
that you wanted me to publish it. If
I should ever happen to drive past your
father s barn III stop and read that
poem.' G. H. G.
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1906-09-23
Phillips Brooks Ready wit.

Some years ago Bishop Phillips
Brooks was recovering from an illness
and was denying himself to all visitors
when Robert Ingersoll called. The bish-
op received him at once.
II appreciate this very much,'' said
Mr.. Ingersoll, "|but why do you receive
me when you deny yourself to your
friends?' ,.:... -. =.
"Well, you see," said the bishop, ct
feel confident Of seeing my friends in
the next world, but this may be my last
chance of seeing you
- F. A, Wisnom.
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1906-09-23

save the trouble Of walking, and one
lean and lank, whose garments we're the
color of the claybank mule, leaned
against tree and let time roll by.
Wonder if he can speak9' said one
traveller to the other. - 49,
~''Try him. said his companion.
"How do you do9' said the north
erner
EsHowdy," remarked the southerner
languidly.
TPleasant country.''
"For them that likes it,
"Lived here all your life9'
The southerner spat pensively in the
dust. "Not yit,' he said. II. R.
Cummings, N. D.
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1906-09-23
Prizes for stories printed on this
pace are awarded as Indicated

Prizes for stories printed on this
page are awarded as Indicated.
For the coming week T Jour-
N a again offers S., first prize; So,
second prize, and So, third prize, for
''the best story you ever heard"
II Is not required that stories be
original, but new and good stories,
retoId in the writer's own words,
will be considered In the competition.
Write only on one side of the paper,
giving name and address with each
story. Specify If you want your
Initials used as signature. Do not
send clippings or enclose stamps, as
manuscripts will not be returned.
Stories should not exceed 800 words,
and should be of humorous nature.
Omit ntroductions, and be brief.
Checks will be sent to prize winners.
Write name and address plainly on
each story you send.
Address, Best Story Editor, Jour-
nal, Minneapolis, MINI.
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1906-09-23
A Fooloneter.

Some visitors who were being shown
over a. pauper lunatic asylum inquired
of their guide what method was en-
ployed Ito discover when the inmates
were sufficiently recovered to leave.
80 Well replied he, uyou see, it 8
this way: We have big trough Of
water 3and we turn on the tap We
out the water with pals until they We
emptied the trough
How does that prove it," asked
sone of the visitors
tIWeH,'' said the guide, them as
ain: t idiots turns off the tap a;
Mrs. M. J. Bailey.
Custer, S. D.
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1906-09-23
Room at the Top,

I was considerably amused on the
train one day watching jolly old man
who was very bald. In a short time
I was aware, as was every one else in
the car, that he was furnishing interest,
if not amusement, to the little girl sit,
ting Just back of him, who remarked
in distinctly audible tones:
"Mama, that man has enough room
on the back Of his head for another
face, hash It he?' ". A. w.
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1906-09-23
SECOND PRIZE.
This Story Gets So.
Literal, but Truthful.

Two gentlemen were travelling in one
of the hill counties of Kentucky
not long ago on an exploration
for pitchpine They had been driv-
ing for two hours without en-
countering a human being, when they
came in sight of cabin. It was very
still. The hogs lay where they had
fallen, the thin claybank mule grazed
round and round in a great circle to
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1906-09-23
Irish Ready Wit.

The ready wit of true-born Irish
man, however humble his station, is ex-
ceeded only by his gallantry. A gust
of wind took a parasol out of the hands
the midst Of its ascent, and i'd presented
it to the owner with bow.
"Faith, ma 'am,'' as he did so, elf
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1906-09-23
In a Bad Condition

The following conversation took place
between the swaiter8and the freshman,
who had gone to a5hotel for dinner:
Waiter-What will you haye2
Waiter Picked pigs feet, calves
brains, fried heartand boiled liver. =
IrishmanY gu had better see Ia
doctor, then. E. M. S.
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1906-09-23

t"Will you be good enough to tell the
jury the extreme limit to which you
can raise your arm9'
The witness gladly complied, raising
his hand with difficulty to the height
Of his shoulder only. -.
"Ah, thank you, sir. Now, will you
be SO good as to show us to what point
unhappy accident?'
At once the man shot his arm up to
it's full height above his head, and the
court burst into fit of laughter which
the judge did not restrain. w. l..
Mellette, s. D.
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1906-09-23
Showing His Hand.

b The plaintiff, "a laboring man, had
been thrown on the ground by an cleo
uric car, and he claimed damages for a
spermanent injury, inasmuch as he could
I no longer raise his arm above a point
parallel with his shoulder. .1, s:es.
The lawyer for the electric railway
put him thru simple-looking examine
sltion beginning by few very sympa-
thetic questions. Then he continued:
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1906-09-23
THIRD PRIZE.
This Story Gets So.
A Fair EXCHANGE,

Chubby, dear, I can't wait to tell
what IN going to buy you'll
"Darling wife, what is it?'
"Well, I'm going to get silver card
tray, a bronze Hercules for the mantel-
piece and new Persian rug to put in
front of my dressing table. What are
you going to do for me, Tootsey?'
"I've been thinking, Jane, and have
shaving Brush
M. Marie Humphrey,
ArkansaW, Wis.
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1906-09-23

murmured the mother, thoughtfuiiy',
after long pause.
" Charles Adams sneered the girl.
He is old, he is ugly, he is mean, he is
a coward. Charles Adams! Why, he
has nothing, nothing in the world to
recommend him except his wealth.
you forget his heart disease said
the mother softly.' M. J. K.
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1906-09-23
How to Spell Papa.

Mama-What does cat spells
Bobbie-Donno.
Mamma-What is it that prowls
around at night, walks softly on the
steps and porch so you cannot hear
it come homes
Bobbie-I know, papa.
Hector, MINI. j. E. Moffitt.
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1906-09-23

you were 50 strong as you are handsome
it wouldn't have got away from you'
(Which shall I thank you for first, -
said the lady, "the service or your com
pliment.'
"Truth, ma 'am," said Pat again,
touching a place where once stood the
brim of a hat, 'that look of your
beautiful eyes thanked me for both.''
Red Wing, MINI. "A. R.
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1906-09-23
His Chief Recommendation.

The Rev. DR.. Madison G. Peters. in
an attack on the marriage customs of
the twentieth century, related an anec-
dote.
ga beautiful young girl and her
mother,' he said, "were discussing the
eternal marriage question.
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1906-09-23
Dangse,,rous!

She Of the sharp nose and q,1erulous
ner drug store, carrying a parasol, two
Keowee courier. [volume] (Pickens Court House, S.C.) 1849-current, 1906-03-28
Does Your baking powder
contain alum ? Look upon
the label. Use only a powder
whose label shows it to be
made with cream of tartar.
NOTE. - Safety lies in buying
only the Royal Baking Powder,
which is the best cream of tartar
baking powder that can be had.

Mrs. NJ. 4. Sigh, Miss Yancey Sigh
lanta and Roswell for few days visit.
Mr.. and Mrs. Pomeroy Brown are re-
ceiVing the congratulations of their
friends on account of the arrival of lit
tie stranger at their home here.
George Holland and johnson Reid, of
Clemson College, were in Seneca last
Sabbath.
With the advance of spring our mer-
chants are placing beautiful new goods
before the public, particularly the dainty
fresh creations of dress fabrics, laces
and embroideries so dear to the feminine
heart.
We call attention to the members of
the Library Association to the approach
ing quarterly meeting, which will be
held on, the evening of April 9th. An
interesting program is being arranged, q
hint of which has already been given our
readers. The program in full will be
given next week and it would be great
pleasure to the members who reside in
towD to see the members from the coun-
try at these meetings.
On last Friday afternoon, from four to
six o'clock, Master Thornley, Carey was at
home to number of his young friends.
the occasion being the celebration of his
birthday. Games were delightful fea-
ture of the entertainment and delicious
refreshments were served, the large birth
day cake, containing dime, being cut
oy the young guests. Master Tom Mar
shal LOwery was the lucky recipient of
the dime, which we take to mean that he
will be the first of the large number to
claim the heart and hand of his lady love!
Mr.. Proofreader, please keep CLOSE eye
on the devil of your establishment. He
made me say all sorts of quem things last
week. We hope some day to be able to
employ an amenuensis, who will put
these miserable letters in readable shape.
Keowee courier. [volume] (Pickens Court House, S.C.) 1849-current, 1906-03-28
Tugnloo Items.

Tugaloo, March 25.-Notwithstanding
we have had so much exceedingly cold
weather, we are pleased to report the
fruit not all killed yet. Very little
ploughjng is being done on account of
the bad weather.
The time for services at South Union
on the fourth Saturdays has been
changed from forenoon to8 o'clock in
the afternoon. Preaching as usual at
IL q. M, on Sunday.
The pa irons of White Rock Academy
held real pleasant meeting last Satur-
day. They agreed on an eight weeks
summer school and elected Mr.. Langstop
and his sister as teachers. Miss Lang
ston will also teach music. The meeting
also voted to instruct the trustees OF
White Rock Academy to request the
County Board of Education to order an
election on voting for 3. mill tax for the
benefit of the school. Everything was
unanimous.
A. j. Harbert, ono of the very best
young men In our community, had the
misfortune to get one of his shoulders
badly fractured one day last week.
All quiet on the Tugalool L.
Keowee courier. [volume] (Pickens Court House, S.C.) 1849-current, 1906-03-28
Townvllle Topics.

Townville, March 27.-Mr. and Mrs.
W. M. Riley and children visited ro,aa-
tives in Anderson recently.
Miss Helen Speares, who has beeh Wis
iting her sister, Mrs. j. b. FELTON,, has re-
turned home.
Born, unto Mr. and Mrs. j. r. FAINT, a
son.
Cadet Orr Bruce, of Clemson, visited
homefolks Saturday and Sunday.
Mrs. Tom Dalrymple is quite sick.
j. ID. Hill is visiting homefoks in At
lanta.
Mr.. and Mrs. John Sharp, of Riyoli,
visited j. Walter Dickson last week.
j. j. Haley, of Oakway, visited in town
last week.
Mrs, Amanda Snelgrove, who has been
very sick, is better.
Miss Annie Fair Dickson, who is teach
ing in Anderson, visited her brother, j.
w. Dickson, recently.
Mrs. Eugene Snipes, of Anderson, who
has been visiting her mother, Mrs.
Amanda Snelgrove, has returned homo.
Mrs. X. III. Price and children visited
her mother, Mrs. Sue Smith, of Fair
Play, recently. Pansy.
Keowee courier. [volume] (Pickens Court House, S.C.) 1849-current, 1906-03-28
Doctors are Puzzled.

The remarkable recovery of Kenneth
Mc!vor, OF Vanceboro. Me-, is the sub
ject of much interest to the medical fra
tefnity and wide circle of friends. He
Gays of his case: "Owing to severe in
fammation of the throat and congestion
of the lungs, three doctors gave me up to
die, when, as a last resort, was induced
to try DR.. Kings New Discovery, and L
am happy to say, it saved my life" Cures
the worst coughs and colds, bronchitis,
tonsilitis, weak lungs, hoarseness and la
grippe. Guaranteed by all druggists,
SOC. and 81. Trial bottle free.
Keowee courier. [volume] (Pickens Court House, S.C.) 1849-current, 1906-03-28
Two Hanged for Atroolnus Crime.

Mt. Holly, N. j., March M.--Rufus
Johnson and George Small, colored,
were hanged here to-day for the murder
OF Miss Florence w. Allinson, assaulted
and killed in barn near Moorestown,
January 1S.
Miss Allinson lived In cottage on the
Strawbridge farm, her only companion
being Bessie Walker, little girl whom
she adopted. Her body was found in
the barn, with evidence of desperate
struggle. Her head had been crushed
with club. Her assailant had torn a
strap from horse blanket and bound it
tightly around Miss Allinson's mock.
Before leaving their cells to 60 to the
gallows both men made statements.
johnson acknowledged his guilt, but
Small steadfastly maintained that he
was innocent.
Keowee courier. [volume] (Pickens Court House, S.C.) 1849-current, 1906-03-28
A Scientific Wonder.

The cures that stand to it's credit make
Bucklen's Arnica Salve scientific won.
der. 1t cured f r. Mulford, lecturer for
the Patrons of Husbandry. Waynesboro,
Pa, of distressing case of piles. II
heals the worst BUNS, sores, boils, ulcers,
cuts, wounds, chilblains and salt rhenm.
Only 25c. at all druggists.
Keowee courier. [volume] (Pickens Court House, S.C.) 1849-current, 1906-03-28
A Lively Tussle

with that old enemy of tho race, oonsti-
patton, often ends in appendicitis. To
avoid all serious trouble with stomach,
liver and bowels, take DIR. Kings New
Life Pills. They perfectly regulate these
organs, without pain or discomfort 25c.
at all druggists.
Keowee courier. [volume] (Pickens Court House, S.C.) 1849-current, 1906-03-28

Tho State Inspector says that our
fertilizers make the best showing Of any
goods sold in the State.
g. w. Gigniliiat.
The Springfield herald., 1906-10-26
They CURE ANEMIA
Or. Williams Pink Pills the Most
Successful Remedy for All
Forms Of Debility.

Aunmia, whether it results from nc.
tuul loss of blood, from lack of nutrition
due to stomach trouble, or whatever its
cause, is simply deficiency of the vital
fluid. DR.. Williams Pink Pills actually
make new blood. They do that one
thing aud they do it well.
"a $ II girl. says Mrs. Jessie Fink, Of
$50 East Mill street, Akron. Ohio, ~
suffered from nervous indigestion and
when 1 was eighteen years old j was
reduced in weight to 93 pounds. j was
aunLnic, nervous, couldn't eat or sleep,
WAS short of breath after the least exer-
tion and had headaches almost con-
stantly. had n doctor. of course, but I
might MS well have taken somuch water
for all the good his medicine did me-
Finally my vitality and strength were
so reduced that L had to take to my
bed for several weeks at time. /
could not digest any solid food and for
weeks did not take any other nourish-
ment than Il cup of tea or beef broth.
while l was sick in bed / read of
DIR. Williams Pink Pills and stopped
nll other medicine and began to take the
pills. Soon my improyen ent was very
noticeable. My strength began to re-
turn, my stomach gave me no pain and
just as soon as began to take solid food
/ gained in weight. DIR. Williams Pink
Pills certainly saved my life. ] am now
perfectly WELL have regained my normal
weight of 100 pounds and l think DIR.
Williams Pink Pills are wonderful
medicine.
These celebrated pills nre recon-
mended for stubborn stomach trouble,
for all cases of weakness md debility,
such as result from fevers and other
ncute diseases. All druggists sell DIR.
Williams Pink Pills, or they will he sent
by mail postpaid. on receipt of price. 40
cents per box, six boxes for 81. so. by
the DIR. Williams Medicine Company,
Schenectady, N. Y.
The Springfield herald., 1906-10-26
TERRIBLE SCALP HuMoR.
Badly Affected with Sores and Crusts
Extended Down Behind the Ears
Another Cure by Cuticura.

"About ten years ago my scalp be-
came badly affected with sore and
itching humors, crusts.. etc, and ex-
tended down behind the ears. My hair
came out in places. also. was great
ly troubled; understood it was ecze-
ma. Tried various remedies so called.
without effect. Saw your Cuticura
advertisement. and got the Cuticura
Remedies at once. Applied them as
to directions. etc. and after two weeks
| think. of use. was clear as whistle.
have to state also that late last fall,
October and November, 1904. l was
suddenly afflicted with bad eruption,
painful and itching pustules over the
lower part of the body. ! suffered
dreadfully. In two months. under the
skillful treatment of my doctor, con
Joined with Cuticura Soap and Cuti-
cura Ointment, | found myself cured.
H. NJ. F. Weiss, Rosemond, Christian
Co., ILL.,, Aug. 81. 1905"
The Springfield herald., 1906-10-26
SALT LAKE HURRICANE.
Unparalleled Storm Does
Damage.

Salt Lake City-For twenty-foui
hours this city and vicinity has beer
swept by windstorm of unparalleled
severity. In addition to three serious
accidents to persons, property has
been devastated over wide area, 6
fire famed by the wind has obliteratet
the new plant of the Utah Packing
Company and a monetary loss OF ap
proximatcly quarter of million dol
lars Is entailed.
During the full period of the storm
trains have arrived irregularly or moi
at all. For much of the time the street
car service has been at standstil
and the electric lighting plants out OF
commission.
The burning of the Utah packing
plant, north of the city. which occurreo
Friday night, is the most serious single
loss. The building has just been com
pleted at cost of 100000 and was tt
have been put in use in few days
The project was lnagurated by west
ern cattlemen and was in opposition to
the large packing houses of the East
The cause of the fire has not been eX
planned. Only small fraction OF the
loss is covered by insurance.
Ruined buildings, fallen chimneys
broken windows. loosened signs ano
toppled trees throughout this and ad
joining towns are the most common
souvenirs of the storm, and aggregate
an immense loss.
The Springfield herald., 1906-10-26
Worry Postal Authorities.

Because the postal administration
has imposed duty of five pfennigs
instead of two on postal cards intend
ed for urban delivery, the citizens OF
Hanover have inaugurated singular
strike against the postal authorities.
Instead of writing postal cards. they
all write letters, and, not satisfied
with sending their effusions in an en-
velope, they fill it with newspaper so
as to bring the weight of the letter to
the maximum of $50 grams. AS the
envelopes they now use are OF the
maximum size tolerated 1t is easy to
obstruct letter box with only doz'
en- of such missives. The postal au'
thorities are alarmed at this obstruc'
tion of the postal service, and 1t Is
probable that the former tariff OF two
pfennigs on postal cards will have TO
be reestablished.
The Springfield herald., 1906-10-26
Had Church Roof Fixed.

Miles Finlen. the rich Montana cop
Der miner. visited some relatives in
Bay City. Mich, recently. He attend
ed services in an old wooden church,
and while there rainstorm came up.
The roof leaked, and some water fell
on Finlen's neck. After the services
had ended he asked one of the church
officials: why in blazes don't you
give people decent place to worship
in?" Il suspect it's because we haven't
the money" was the suggestive reply.
Next afternoon material for a new
roof began to arrive in front OF the
church and Finlen walked into the pas
tors study with check for sIoo
Fix up your old roof" is all he said.
indianapolis News.
The Springfield herald., 1906-10-26
HAD CONSIDERED THE POINT.
Juryman's Explanation Somewhat Of a
Joke on Judge.

A lawyer in the western part of
Massachusetts having rather des-
perate case to defend, called the
courts attention to the wording OF
the statute, empowering the jury to
Judge OF the law as well as OF the
facts" and requested him to instruct
accordingly. The judge somewhat re-
luctantly did so, adding. however, that
the jurymen should accept his inter
probation of the principles involved
unless they were fully satisfied that
they knew more law than he did.
In spite of this. an outrageous YER
dict was brought in, utterly contrary
to the instructions of the judge, who
severely rebuked the jurors.
The foreman, a horny-handed farm
or, rose to reply. "Jedge," said he.
weren't we to jedge the law as well
as the facts?'
Certainly" was the response, but
| told you not to judge the law unless
YOU were satisfied that you knew the
law better than ! did
We'll, jedge." answered the farmer,
as he shifted his quid. we considered
that pint
The Springfield herald., 1906-10-26
vesuvius Dust Travelled Far.

Paris was overspread with dry,
yelIowish fog the morning of April IL
of this year. A scientist, believing
that the fog had been caused by the
eruption of Mount Vesuvius. placed
upon the roof OF his dwelling series
of plates covered with glycerin to
catch the dust In the fog. 1t was
found that part of the deposit on the
plates was very fine sand. complete
ly identical with the ash sent up by
Vesuvius in 1922. In addition to this
sand the fog contained some perfectly
snherical globules of oxidized iron.