Lincoln County leader. [volume] (Toledo, Lincoln County, Or.) 1893-1987, 1906-08-10
y %zs,SsHRsS
Assg99oGF0

lived here all your life, my little mani
Arthur (aged 6)-Not yet.-Illustrate
Bits.
Mrs. Plne-How many times have
you been married? Mrs. Golightly-
I'm ashamed to tell you; only once
Town Topics.
Prospective Husband-What mar
riage ceremony do you prefer? Pros
pective Bride (the fourth time)-Catch
as catch can.-Ex.
Parker-I understand your wife Is
pretty literary? Barker-Well, she can
read Henry James In the original with
out a pause Puck.
IF it's nice day, come and take me
out In your auto, Wednesday," But
suppose it's not a nice day" Come
the day before "-Ex.
Johnny-Come in. Sisters expectin'
you. Mr. StOplate-How do you know
she Is? Johnny-Shes been sleepin' all
the ernoon.-Cleveland Leader.
DO you believe in marrying a girl
for her money!" Not as a general
thing, but sometimes that's the only
way you can get it away from her.
Ex.
Mrs. Economy-IIow much are the
spectacles1 Oculist-Two dollars Mrs.
Economy-Can't you knock off one dol
lar? I'm blind in one eye.-New York
Mail.
Gypsy Fortune-teller (seriously)-
Let me warn you. Somebody's going to
cross your path. Motorist-Dont you
think you'd better warn the other chap2
Punch.
She thinking to take his mind off,
How restless the waves are, did. They
always seem to be clamoring for some
thing. Dad-Well, they won't get it IL
l can help it-Ram's Horn.
Il have no home" began the beg
gar. Sorry, old man." said the brisk
pedestrian, but have only one. How
ever, If you'll pay my bills, I'll give you
that "-Philadelphia Ledger.
Redd-Fine air up there in the coun-
try where I've been. Greene-Why
didn't you bring some Of it back with
you? Redd-I did. It's in my automo-
bile tires.-Yonkers Statesman.
Il hear that the new stars acting
brought down the house" "Yes, it did.
In one week 1t brought down the house
from eight hundred to ten people and
the ushers. s."-Cleveland Leader.
Tired Thompson-Wuz yer ever be-
fore a judge? Frozen Stiffe-I wuz.
Tired Thompson-What did We git?
Frozen Stiffe-Life at hard labor.
wuz married by judge-Judge.
A man lost leg in a railway acct
dent and when they picked him up the
first word he said was: THANK the
Lord, 1t was the leg with the rheuma-
tism in it!"-Atlanta Constitution.
Wife Ito husband standing in front
OF mirror with razor in hand d)-Are
you shaving? Husband-No, l am
blacking the kitchen range. Where are
you-out driving or at a matinee?-
Detroit Journal.
De Style-My wife tells me while out
In her auto you did lots of damage.
Chauffeur-But, sir, when you hired
me you said your wife wanted me to
run her auto in the worst way.-Lip-
pincott's Magazine.
The Wife-What luck. The Husband
(wearily) None whatever. The Wife
Were there no servants in the intel
ligence office? The Husband (sadly)-
Lots of them; but they had all worked
for us before.-Womans Home Com
panion.
Lady-What is, the real difference be-
tween an apartment, fiat, and a tene-
ment house? Janitor-In an apartment
the ladies don't have no children In n
fiat they has one or two. More than
two makes any house tenement, mum.
Judge.
The regular patron, a little pale and
wan, dropped wearily into chair, and
took out his newspaper. "Steak. as per
usual?" said the waiter. No; l am
tired tonight" the patron answered.
bring me plate Of hash."-St. Louis
Globe-Democrat.
Old Lady Ito chemist IL want n box
Of canine pills. Chemist-What's the
matter with the dog? Old Lady lin.
dignantly)-I want you to know, sir.
that my husband is gentleman. Chem.
ist puts up some quinine pills in pro.
found silence.-Pick-Me-Up
Say, boss" said the ragged indiyid-
ual, "are you philant-ropist? "Yes.
my man." answered the well-groomed
one, II believe l may say that / am"
Oats wOt l wuz afraid Of. Kin YER
put me wise to some common gent that
would give poor devil dime?"-
Cleveland Leader.
Tourist-Whats the crowd down a.