Arizona republican., 1906-12-15
M. DooIey On the Presidents Activities
 By F. 2. Dunne.
By F. P. Dunne.

Copyright. 1906. by H. H. Mcclure
 & Col
 Whats tn Presidint doin' these days?" asked Mir Hennessy.
 Not much" said MT. Dooley. Hes not doin' much Ye seldom hear iy him Whether 'tis old age creepin' or he must be all iv twinty-four-or tn responsibilities N tn office don't know. but he's kind iv quilted down. Now. ye take last week With tn ex- ceptiOn iv bOuncin' a few indispinsable Cabinet officers. invintin' a battleship wrtin' an article on tn spoorts iv tn ancient Greeks. lecturin' tn Presby- teeryan Church on infant damnation. refereein' a poker bet between wan iV his old companyons in arms an tn estate iv another, describin' tn delights iv ocean thravel to tn navy, passin' out bunch iv legal tips to tn Supresm Coort, divisin' tackles back play f. football. an sindin' a recipe fr pre- parin' pie plant fr tn table to tn La dies COokin' Club iv Omaha. ye migh, say he hardly done annything las. week"
 Maybe tn poor man is sick" said MT. Hennessy.
 "Divvle tn bit. He's not tn kind that gifts sick, an tn Presidincy is wan iv tn healthiest jobs in tn wurruld. No wan was iver ilicted to it that was even suspected iv a slight cough. They go in sthrong an they stay sthrong All tn Presidint has to do is to keep Fairbanks out iv tn kitchin iv tn White House. No. Tiddy ain't sick He's like mesilf. He's sittled down to a broad an comprehensive view iv life dye mind. He takes no action onless lis demanded be tn needs iv tn whole people Now. there's spellin reform. No Presidine before him iver done il. Andhrew Jackson might have done it but he wud've been accused iv selfish motives. That gr-heat man spelled like a broken typewriter.
 I'd always thought that if iver was ilicted Prisidint-an' I might've been r. I'd stuck in pollyticks an been nor :. prudent about where I was bor-rn- tn first thing I wud do wud be to make bad spellin' more respictable. 'Twud be me ambition to take tn poorest speller in this broad land iv ours an lift him up to a place where he cud
 
 CT in tn Univarsity iv Injyanny. Akel opportunities to spell amy way ye like is me motto. Specyal privileges tc none Too long have we been oppfess- edbe those that know more thin We do Tn great liberty-lovin' tgn'rant masses have been spelled down into tn very earth be bloated monnopolists iv spell lin like Dock Eliot iv Harvard. I've seen it estimated that 90 per cent iv all tn correctly spelled wurruds in tn United States was onded be threa hundherd men. Thaydoor Rosenfelt proposed to sthrike off tn shackles firm tn hands iv tn sufferin' illiterate an make him tn peer iv amy man. He demanded tn free coinage iv wur- ruds. He freed d gr-reat people. Ye needn't sind Packy to school amy more. He's larned enough whin he's masthered tn alphabet. All he has U do to make a wurrud now that will be officially correct is to throw a lot iv letters into his hat an shake thim out
 But l don't want to give all tn credit fr tn measure that has mad us tn akels iv tn most uninlighteneC nations in tn wurruld to me frind Tid- | dy. Twas Andhrew Carnaygie tha, ! put it up to him. There's a man ye'd think ought to enjye life He has ivry- thing that ought 10 make a man happy. | He has money. he has fame. he has l Carnaygie, an he's littledeef. But he . isn't happy Or he wasn't With all his gr-reat wealth. this man who bod turned out millions iv gran books. steel i rails, an American wurrukin' men was XEhin Ia hf longer he wint to tn Prisidint about il.
 Sire says he. Don't call me that { says Tiddy; Taft is Iistenin'.' he says. | Excuse me- says Andhrew,' thought {. was at home. If ye had beard an was more regal on tn waistline ye'd look like him. Ye'er Excellency. 1 am gloomy these days he says. People envy me. I can see it in their eyes. They think I am happy. They little know he says. Iris thrue I have what ought to make amy man happy. :, l am rich as tn wurruld goes. l am gin'rous to a fault, especially if it's me own. I am revered in Scotland. wor- shipped in New York behind me bac.. | an in Homestead.' he says, they cant speak iv me without tears.
 But, alas, I am not happy. This careless exteeryor, this winnin' smile. this chest which extinds beyond tn buildin' line, conceal a gray an achin' heart he says. A secret grief is 1, gnawin at me vitals. FIT, oh Sir. I can not spell he says. If ye only knew tn agonies I endure whin me brain is burnin' with thought, whin thought is thryin' to burst out like lava fr'mMount i' Whats the -name-iv-it an rush to tn point iv me pen, to have to stop he says, 'an' find whether thought is spell cd with j or an r. he says. Me heart bleeds a good deal al- ready. says tn Presidint. I've been givin' tn subject a gr-reat deal iv at tintion fr long time since ye come in he says. I don't like to make up me E; mind hurriedly.' he says. As ivrybody ! knows, I'm reluctant to act on me i'm ( pulses. Make haste slowly if ye must Is me motto. But make haste. The race is not often to tn slow. Tn short ' est way acrost is tn shortest way ( acrost if ye know it ye know it. I've heerd iv tn fable iv tn tortoise an { ih' rabbit. It's a fable. Annyhow, if ' -hrue. it was a shockin' reversal iv pub- g ic form. If they iver get up a retur [ match all me money goes on tn rab- I