The midland journal. (Rising Sun, Md.) 1885-1947, 1906-03-09
TALES AND ENDS.
BY ALLEN PAYNE.

1
BY ALLEN PAYNE.
WRITTEN FOR THE MIDLAND JOURNAL.
IT'S better to lack money than lack brains.
Most every body can run a newspaper better
than the editor
Holiness in the collar often causes one to get it
in the neck.
Mans inability to mourn makes countless
thousands careless.
Men who we're brought up like hot house
plant are not always men of culture.
The man that is too fond of his pony will in
variably find he was a jackass.
Cross words often seem to cut lengthwise.
Measure the days not by the length of the
hours, but by their shortness.
Because the farmer has waves in his wheat it
does not signify he put water in the milk.
They say that if whiskey is poured in the shoes
it will stop the squeaking. Yes and If put in the
stomach it's apt to stop the soul.
Kids in playing slap tag, don't want to be "it".
When they grow older they want to be sit" and
| more too.
Some one great man dies every day. It's hard
to believe that fools ever die.
POOR PIGGIE
Ofall the rings. if he could choose,
This fact he does bewail
He'd far rather not have one in his nose,
But have one in the end OF his tail.
The oftener man gets barreled the sooner he
gets boxed.
The sonny side of life lays all the rest in the
shade, but fellow has to grow up in years before
be can appreciate it,
Rope making may be good industry still few
care to hang on to it
Lazy bones is often the bone of contention.
All work and no sharpening keeps jack
| knife dull.
Men who live beyond their means seldom get
up in the world.
Folks work harder to butt out than they do to
butt in.
"What makes you look so blue old MANI"
"My wife has run off and left me-"
'sWhy you'er lucky, man, I've been trying to
get mine to go for nine years.
4OungStef--teuIertdlulnS Sister Ucaul oiS . 6o1
lump on her face like this quitting his fist to
| his jaw
Beau-"What's the trouble. Bobby, mumps or
tooth ache?"
| Youngster-"N guess. Sis had an
other fellow last night and heard ma say this
morning she guessed Sis stayed up too late"
| Men usually drink with an object In view, and
4 A. ,ao.r nohiao
Folks who are only specks of humanity are not
hard to see through.
when Blankey entered the stock exchange he
made bully move"
You bet he did. 1t certainly was bully
move for some one
Professor-"You may now ask any questions
you may DESIRE"
Student-"What would you do for a women
with fat ankles?'
Professor-"Pull her leg for five dollars"
1.-THE trimming on Miss Oyle Maydes dress is
| very simple. isn't it,"
'.Guess that's what's making people laugh up
| their sleeve"
Salesman-"Yes sir, thousands of cakes of our
medicated soap have been sold and used in the
state prison.
| Storekeeper-"Why that's a waste of the tax
payers money to buy such high priced soaps for
use in pen."
Salesman-"Not at all sir, it prevents the
inmates from breaking ont.
LIST waiter-Did you notice the chap just
waited on?'
| 2nd Waiter-"Yes. What OF it."
lst waiter-"why he told me there was tip
for me lying at his plate, an all could find was
an asparagus top"
"The widow Black has gone into half mourn
ing"
That's nothing new for her. She seldom does
anything only by halves"
$50 Uptown, the pawnbroker, has taken in a
partner"
"Yes, he said he was loan some''
Tramp-"Beg pardon, mister, I've got q dime
could you give me nickel so as to make it 10
cents. the price of a meal OF country ham?"
! Old Gent-"Here you are. That oughtt to help
you shoulder the burdens of life"