The Cairo bulletin. (Cairo, Ill.) 1???-1928, 1906-10-13

Bunch had to fall for the spiel and
loaned him the Bubble forthwith.
I Ten minutes later we were SO busy
listening to the sure-things falling
from the eager tongues Of the various
friends we met that we quite forgot all
about Flash and the busy barouche.
The first cinch- builder we fell over
was Harry McDonough, the inventor of
the stingless mosquito now in use on
/ his Jersey farm.
Harry has the mosquito game down
so fine that he's going to take double
sextette of them into vaudeville next
season.
He has trained these twelve skeets
to sing 'Zobia Grassa," and Al Hol-
brook has promised to teach them
Venetian dance.
Harry offered US four winners In the
first race and two cigars.
He told us ii we lost to smoke the
cigars carefully and we'd forget our
| troubles and our names; but II we won
we could use the cigars as firecrackers.
Then we ran across Jeff D'Angelis,
| the composer OF the new tune now
played on the automobile horns
Jeff hadn't picked out horse to win
any race because his loyalty to sneeze-
wagons IS so intense that he won't
! even drink a horses neck.
He explained that he only came to
! the race track to show the horses his
smoke-buggy and make them shiver.
| George Yates, the inventor of the
machinery for removing sunburn from
pickles, was there and he tried to pre-
sent us with a sure winner in the third
race.
A little later on we discovered that
the horse Yates was doing rave over
| had been dead for four years and that
the card from which he was lifting his
dope was the programme of the meet
= at Sheepshead in 1896.
Some kind and thoughtful stranger
had lifted fifty cents from George S
surplus and in return had stung him
with an ancient echo of the pittypats.
Our next adventure was with Joe
Miron the famous horse trainer and
inventor Of the only blue mare in cap
tivity at Elmhurst.
"Say. why didn't | see you guys be-
fore the first race: had plush-cov-
cred pipe!" yelled Joe.
81 had that race beat to stage
wait" Joe went on, enthusiastically.
why all you had to do was play
The Goblin Man to win and Muir
derallo' for place-it was just like
getting money from the patent medi-
cine business.
How much did you win, Joe?" in
quired.
"Who. mel" Joe came back, 'Why
| didn't get here in time to place a be-.
drove over from Elmhurst and the
blue mare burst a tire. But, say, I've
got a mothers darling in the third
race, Oh, it's a ladybug for certain!
You guys play Perhaps to win and
you'U 90 home looking like Plerf
Morgan after a busy day. 1t cant
lose, this clam can't! Say, that horse
Perhaps wears gold-plated overshoe'
and it can kick more track behind II
than any ostrich you ever see! why
It's got ball-bearing castors on thf
feet and il wears a naphtha engine
in the forward turret. Get reckless
with the coin. boys. and go the limit
and If the track happens to cave IN
and If does LOSE, I'll drag you down
te Elmhurst behind the blue mare and
make the suction pump in the back
ward do an imitation of Walter Jones
singing Captain Kidd with the bum
pipes"
Joe was so much in earnest abou,
It that Bunch and I put up fifty on
perhaps" and waited.
We are still waiting.
/ perhaps" may have been a good
horse but he had a bad memory and
never could recollect which end of the
track was the proper place to finish.
Joe must have left for Elmhurst i'm
mediately after the race because h'
failed to answer roll call.
Then we ran across Dave Terrence
the famous inventor of the disappear
ing trump so much used by pinochlt
players.
When Dave began to dope EN- out
for us Bunch and | hid our pocket
: books in our shoes.
/ There were tears in Bunch's eyes
f but ! was busy looking for rock.
2 Here's a good one" Dave suggest
| or; "listen to this one. Easy Money
out of Life Insurance by Director
4 And here's a good one. Chauffeur on
{ of Automobile by Policeman" d.
Q You care for those?'
4 + Here are some more peacherinos.
! Dave went on. relentlessly, here Il
Golf Player out Of Business b.
i .Nosouito. and here's another GOO
+. one. eternal Daylights' out Of Rus
a sia' By 'Japan-like 'em?'
4 Bunch and ] handed Dave tie re
Y nroacbf1il face and fed for our lives.
4 Then we got down 10 business ant
. beaan to lose our money with NOR
D system and less noise.
At the end Of the fifth race W