The Washington herald., 1906-12-13
THE INNOCENT BYsTANDER.
THE FAT AND THE THIN MAN

'Ah-h-h"' said the fat man, stamping
his feet as he stood beside the thin man
and waited for the car, this IS something
likel This is the genuine oldtime Christ
mas weather. Ah-h-h!"
The thin man shlvered and drew
his head down into his collar until only
his nose and eyes were above it. His nose
was brilliant red and his eyes were
watery.
''B-r-r-r!" said the fat man shutting his
feet. Il tell you. this does a mans heart
good! Thought we wasn't going to get
any real. simon-pure. old-tlme winter at
all! By jinks, this is the stuff
The thin man extracted his stiff hands
from HIS pocket and blew on them fret
fully His hands were incased in gloves,
but they must have been very cold, in
deed, for they shook aimlessly as he blew
on them. The effect produced was that
OF seeing couple OF dried leaves CULVER
Ing in the gale.
''WOof! Oo-ooh." puffed the fat man,
facing the wind that came bowling down
the street and romped and ran and tugged
at peoples coats or dresses. or snatched
hats from heads and tossed them into
the air and rolled them madly and merrily
along. I tell you, she cuts you 10 tho
bone, don't she? That's the caper! Give
me a real, genuine. dyed-in-the-wool win
ter wind, one that slashes you through
and through, and freezes the marrow in
your b0nes That's what I like. Sayl
Amt that great?"
A fresh supply Of wind arrived just then
from the frozenest, coolest, bleakest, bar
renest part OF the polar regions. It yelled
and screamed as il struck the corner, and
II whiried and danced and shouted and
roared and whizzed through coats, shirts.
and skin, and sought out the innermost
recesses Of the human frame and laid its
ley fingers upon them and turned them
into cold-storage rooms.
The thin man gasped and wheezed, but
the fat man got his breath when the wind
stopped To gather more force, and cried
gleefully:
BY golly. That's splendid Amt II the
bcst eyer2 The real winter at last! Gimme
a sure enough cold wind with frost on the
edges and snow trimmings, and let It
blow me wrong side out II II wants to!
This is the best weather we've had in
twenty years. I'm glad enough over il
to stand out and freeze TO death. just
enjoying It. Say Amt it
The wind came back the other way at
the words down his throat II hammered
and clamOred and flung signs around and
tore of sections OF tin roofs and yanked
an awning from its fastenings and ran
wildly TO the sky with It, yelling with in
sane JOY. The fat man sputteTed and
puned and went on:
Amt II the real thing? Say! It makes
me think OF the little old farm. Gee!
Those were the days, Those were the real
winters and the real Christmases! Get up
at IA the morning and go out 20 feed
the stock, with the thermometer so far
below zero you had to dig the mercury
Up with pickaX 70 see how cold II was.
And when you went over the hill with d
basket Of corn TO feed the hogs that had
burrowed into the strawstack-myi how
it cut you In two. You hadn't had any
breakfast, and"
The thin man drew his head down into
his collar until il seemed that his hat brim
rested on his shirt front and he shivered
and shook. and trembled and almost rat
tied. The fat man went blithely on:
and you were as hollow as a drum.
and when you topped the hill the cold
wind simply cut you square in two, and
yOu--"
The thin man was jerking his hands
from his pocket and raising his head tur-
tlewise from his collar.
and you felt the breath in your
lungs turning TO frost and your skin was
ike thin ice and your hair seemed 10
freeze stiff and 60 be breaking of ~
iclcles, and-Ohi Ouch, Police, What s
the matter with you? Has the man gone
crazy? Stop thatr'
But the thin man had suddenly jabbed
him in the face with one frozen fist and
had followed that blow with another from
the other frozen fist. and then had method
ically kicked the fat man on the shins,
and hastened up street.
WILBUR NESBIT