Oxford Democrat. [volume] (Paris, Me.) 1833-1933, 1906-08-28
The
PhonoSraph eas
the Graft
BY O. HENRY
By o. HENRY
Copyright by s. S. Mcclure Co.

to South America" And felt aSham-
ed of my subterfuge and dropped into
the wooden chair he kicked toward me.
Henry was quarter breed, quar-
terback Cherokee, educated east IN the
idioms of football and west IN contra
band whisky. and q gentleman, same
as you or me. He was easy and rOnp-
ing In his ways; man about six foot,
with kind Of rubber tire movement.
Henry and me met at Texarkana
and figured out this phonograph
scheme. He had $3.50 which came to
him out of a land allotment in the
reservation. had run down from Lit
tie Rock on account Of distressful
scene | had witnessed on the street
there. A man stood on box and pass.
ed around some gold watches, screw
case, stem winders, Elgin movement,
very elegant. Twenty bucks they cost
you over the counter. At So the crowd
fought for the tickers. The man hap
pened to find q valiSe full Of them
handy. and he passed them out like
putting hot biscuits on plate. The
backs were hard to unscrew, but the
crowd put its ear to the case, and they
licked modifying and agreeable. Three
of those watches were genuine tickers,
but the rest. they were only kickers.
Hey! Why, empty cases. with one
of them horny black bugs that fly
around electric lights in 'em. Them
bugs kick of minutes and seconds In.
dustrious and beautiful. The man !
was speaking of cleaned up $2SS and
went away, because he knew that when
il came to wind watches IN Little Rock
an entomologist would be needed, and
he wasn't one.
$50, us l say, Henry had $500 and
had S2SS. The phonograph Idea was
Henry's, but took to 1t freely, being
fond of machinery of all kinds.
I'VE bought fine phonograph IN
Teyarkana-one of the best make
and half u trunkful Of records. We
packed up and took the I. and z. for
New Orleans. From that celebrated
center of mOlasses and DISTINGUISHED
coon songs we took steamer fOr-yes,
I think it was South America or Mexico
Il am full Of inability to divulge the To-
cation of tits on the rural delivery
map, it's colOred yellow on the map
and branded with the literature or
cigar boxes.
I'VE landed on smiling coast at
town they denounced by the name. as
near as l can recollect, Of Sore-toe-
kangaroo. Twas u palatable enough
place to look at. The houses were
clean and white, sticking about among
the scenery Ike hard boiled eggs serv'
ed with lettuce. There was block OF
skyscraper mountains In the suburbs,
and they kept pretty quiet, like they
were laying one finger on their lips
and watching the town. And the sea
was remarking 'Sh-sh-sh! on the beach,
and now and then q ripe cocOanut
would fail kerfip in the sand, and that
was all there was doing.
THE captain went ashore with US
and offered to conduct what he seemea
to like to call the obseQuies. He intro
duced Henry and me to the United
States consul and q roam man, the head
of the department Of mercenary and
licentlous disposition, the way 1t read
upon his sign.
az touch here again a week from
today says the captain.
"'By that time we told him, well
be amassing wealth In the interior
towns with our galvanized prima
donna and correct limitations Of Sousa's
band excavating march from a tin
mine
".Ye'n not says the captain. 'Yell
be hypnotized. Any gentleman IN the
| audience who kindly steps upon the
stage and looks this country In the eye
| will be converted to the hypothesis
that he's but a fly In the Elgin cream
cry. Yell be standing knee deep In
| the surf waiting for me. and your ma
chine for making hamburger steak out
| of the hitherto respected art OF music
will be playing There's no place like
home"'
Henry skinned twenty OF his roll
and received from the bureau Of mer-
cenary dispositions paper bearing a
red seal and dialect story. and no
change.
"Then we got the consul full Of red
wine and struck him for horoscope.
He was a thin, youngish kind Of man,
should say past fifty. sort Of French
Irish in his affections and puffed up
with discOnsOlati0n. Yes, he was q
fiattened kind Of man In whom drink
lay stagnant, inclined to corpulence
and misery. Yes, think he, was a
kind Of Dutchman, being very sad and
genial In his ways.
"'The marvellous invention he says.
entitled the photograph has never be-
fore invaded these shores. The people
have never heard 1t. They would not
believe it II they should. Simple
hearted children Of nature. progress
has never condemned them to accept
the work Of can opener as an over
ture, and ragtime might incite them to
bloody revolution. But you can try
the experiment. The best chance you
have is that the populace may not
wake up when you play. There's two
ways says the consul, they may take
it-they may become inebriated with
nttention like nm Atlanta colonel listen
ing to Marching Through Georgia" Of
they will get excited and transpose ths
key Of the music with an ax and your
selves into dungeon. In the latter
case says the consul, III do my duty
by cabling to the state department
and Ill wrap the stars and stripes
i All Humors
Are impure matters which the skin, liver