davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Montgomery advertiser., 1906-05-15
stop This "Laffin.,

Hartford (Conn) Times.
 Temerarious is the only word which describes the conduct of the United States senators who laughed at certain portion of MT. Roosevelts message about the Standard Oil wickedness, the other day. Aidrich of Rhode Is- land naturally showed more 1evity than the rest of them, but Kean of. New Jersey was nearly as deviIish. He ac- tually threw. back his head" when hc laughed---a vicious piece of work. as anybody could see. His colleagues. Dryden, Foraker. Lodge. Burrows, Scott and Wetmore, all Joined in the
 Now this was simply dreadful and something has got to be done about it. Our idea is that something should of Lots wife seem picnic by conn parison, and we are glad to see that this view is shared by the esteemed Ebd se5tRr. a the It dat te of sek ssEe oning for them Is approaching. Fur thermore, the people have borne with them just about as long as long suffer ing American patience Is capable of en- gets to the point where 1t laughs open ly in the public's face and makes de- self from the thralldom which presses 1t, the lesson of history Is that the cri- sis is not far distant. With the Amer ican public. in particular. 1t isn't safe tO Sp HlOlN tHdH JuSl SO lar how these mockers in the United States senate must be disciplined. How would 1t do to have them thrown out of the executive offices at tho White House, la Barnes method of dealing with Mrs. Morris, when next they go there? Whatever else they do or fail to do. they must be made to avoid laughter when the profound and solemn words of MT. Roosevelt are read to them, as happens once a day or often, whenever the senate is in session.
 a.T till I thought I'd die O laffin,' remark ed young lady who. was trying to introduce the broad a" into her daily conversation. The more ordinary United States Senator who ventures either to larf or lan at any utterance of the Hon. Theodore Roosevelt should be made to intimate this young person to the extent of at least fearing death if not actually experiencing it. There Is a time for all things. and one of the times to "cut out" hilarlty is when the octobus hunter Is reporting the prog ress of his mighty efforts to the agents of the octopus at the other end of Penn sylvania Avenue,
The Montgomery advertiser., 1906-05-15
THE POST NOT FAIR.

Somehow President Roosevelt can never do anything to please the Mont gomery Advertiser, which has a quiet way of saying mean things about him." says The New York Post. The Adver- tiser pleads mot guilty" to the charge ot saving mean things about Roosevelt, unless telling the truth about him and his couse may be thus classed. For quite d while we tried very hard to thank favorably of him. We were ready to think that his numerous blunders were the result of an impetuous tenn perament and that he would acquire judgment. prudence and moderation as
 time progressed, but we have learned that there was no tenable ground upon which to base such a belief. Instead of
 improving in these respects. he grows worse. as Tho Post must know. and I've propose to speak of him as we would
The Montgomery advertiser., 1906-05-15
A Quotation from Bacon.

When Andrew Jackson, the seventh President, was a young man, he prac- ticed at the bar. It was his habit to carry in his saddle-bags when he at tended court, copy, of Bacon Abridgensent," and to make frequent ap- peals to 1t in his cases. This precious book was always done up in coarse brown paper. and the unwrapping or the volume was a very solemn function as performed Dy Jackson.
 During a certain trial on one occa l. sion. however, fellow lawyer procured a piece of bacon the size of the book, and while Jackson was addressing the court, slipped out the bacon rom US wrapping and substituted 1t for the legal manual.
 At length Jackson had occasion to ap- peal to Lord Bacon. While still talk ing he raised the bearskin flap Of his saddlebags, drew out the brown paper package. carefully united the string, unfolded the paper with decorous gray ity, and then. without looking at what he held In his hand, exclaimed trium- phantly: ,,,
 We will now see what Bacon says!'
The Montgomery advertiser., 1906-05-15
Letters to the Editor.
Dr. Cunningham and Education.

Editor Advertiser:
 Last Saturday Dr. Cunningham de- livered the address at the dedication of female college in Fayette County. Next week he will deliver the com mencement address at Wylam and the Agricultural College at Sylacauga. Dr. Cunningham seems to be in universal demand to deliver commencement ad- dresses at the schools and colleges in Alamama. Why is this? It is sim ply because the intelligent, thinking peope of Alabama know that pr. Cpn- ningham is the earnest, faithful and consistent friend of education. He knows the prosperity, advancement and development of our State depend upon the education of its children and he has devoted large part of his public career to this important subject, and he has always been the friend and ad Vocate Of education.
 Are any invitations extended to Mir. Conner to deliver addresses on education? MT. Corners greatest interest In tho children of Alabama seems to be to work them in his cotton mills.
 Compare the records of the two men on education and no wonder the peo- pie of Alabama, who favor the educa- ton of the children of the State, turn to Dr. Cunningham as their friend and champion With him as Governor. Alabama's educational interests are se- cure.
 Education.
 May 1g06
The Montgomery advertiser., 1906-05-15
Did the Earthquake Do It,
Education.

Dothan Siftings.
 We printed, some days since, the fact that an artesian we'll at Graceville became a flowing well after the Cali fornia earthquake. a thing 1t never did before, and asked the question If 1t could be possible that the recent earth quake had anything to do with this new caper of this well.
 News comes from Savannah which states that a well in that city. that had always been a nicely behaved well, and produced large quantities of pure artesian water. has, since the San Francisco quake. emitted four times as much sand as water. Large pumps have been placed at it's mouth and thousands of gallons of sand have been pumped out, but the quantity of sand seems to grow no less and the well will likely have to he abandoned. Was the earthquake responsible for this change from water to sand?
 Who can explain these strange be- haviors of these two artesian wells that took on new airs al the same time and immediately after the seismic dis turbauCes on the Pacific coast.
The Montgomery advertiser., 1906-05-15
Chances of Death in Battle.

Scientific American
 In Homerlc days a battle was eop- fict of armed mobs. The nearer you got to your assailant the better was your chance of killing or being killed. The bigger the man the better were his chances in the strife. In these pip- ing times of mechanical warfare the situation Is reversed. Battles are fought at ranges of a mile or so. The smaller the man the less are ms chances of being hit. An ingenious haps the casualties on the Japanese side must have been considerably less than those of the Russians in the Ees marksmanship of each was equally good. goo The advantage of the Japanese was inversely as the cubes or tnelr height and breadth. The avereags are as the cubes of 1855 and 1,646. or as 1oS to 11S, an advantage in favor or inc Japanese of about 12 per cent.
The Montgomery advertiser., 1906-05-15
Calm Life of the Professor

DetrOIt Free PreSS. -
 The atmosphere in which the college professor lives proves fascinating, Ills social position Is assured. Ills Iuties may be exacting. but they are eonge- nial and there comes the realizatlen that his incumbency is dependent only on his stewardship. old age bringing the prospect of decreased labors ana an annuity that will permit pasSlns his declining years in comfort me he his existence He enters the profession realizing that certain sacrifices are Tn ro,ved and he is willing to abide py the consequences. Once a teacpeI always a teacher Is a rule seldom Vlo' lated.
The Montgomery advertiser., 1906-05-15
Little Known as to Earthquake

Philadelphia Ledger.
 The world has not only wanted to know all about the effects of ths great calamity at san Francisco, but every man of science who is even remotely acquainted with the main facts of sels- mology has been importuned to give explanation of those disturbances. The public has learned at least how little is really known of the fundamental facts as to the causes of earthquakes. it has come to appreciate,as it perhaps never did before, that seismology is in its Infancy. the careful and sys- tematic observat tion of earthquakes be. ing less than a quarter of a. century old abont half that period. This limited knowledge IS useful In that it will lead 10 a discriminating Judgment as to trustwerthy In the mass of material offsrsd for the instruction of the people.
The Montgomery advertiser., 1906-05-15
Japanese Way of NTayinr Ten

To make, Japanese tea allow a level teaspooptul for each guest and place this one teaspoonful in the hot, tiny teapot and pour over one Japanese cup ful of boiling water: let stand five min. Ntes. then pour into the hot cup. Pro and never make but one cupful of tea at time. This may seem a waste of time to the swift going American, but will be found the most delicious way eraEes,
The Montgomery advertiser., 1906-05-15
z Strawberry Money.

Collinsville Courier.
 The strawberry growers in this sec ton are now busy gathering the Der ries and shipping them. One farmer near Collinsville says he will make twice the amount of money from the sales of his strawberries as he did off his cotton. It's great pity that there are not more of these farmers instead of the one-crop farmers.
The Montgomery advertiser., 1906-05-15
The Boil WeeveI.


 According to The Age Herald, the matter of making some kind of fight against the boil weevil ought to come up for consideration In the Iegislature next winter. for, as Is pointed out, be- fore this body meets again the pest will be due in this State It seems to be d foregone conclusion that the cotton growers of the State will have to con tend with the weevil; therefore, 1t might be we'll enough to have the Agi- cultural department prepared in ad- vance for the fight.
The Montgomery advertiser., 1906-05-15

The esteemed Pittsburg Sun tells it's readers that the country Is at the present time watching the progress of the rate bill" Would The Sun mind telling us when that measure began to progress.
The Montgomery advertiser., 1906-05-15

San Francisco man who once said that the little California earthquakes now speaks of moving over to Kansas. After he has had tussle with a Kan sas cyclone he will probably move over to the vicinity of Vcsuvius.
The Montgomery advertiser., 1906-05-15
Up ts Birmingham.
Anniston Sta

AnnlStOn Staf.
 Birmingham is debating the ques- ton, shall the Mayor or the Police Commission have control of the police" It Is up to Birmingham to do something to abate crime there. When town goes to the bad to the extent that Bir- mingham appears to have gone, some thing should be done.
The Montgomery advertiser., 1906-05-15
O. K. while the Cotton Lasts.

The growers and manufacturers of cotton held a big convention in Wash ington last week. All of them threw rocks at the spectators and bouquets at one another, and declared that high price cotton is the thing. All of which suits us to T. so long as we have patch of cotton.
The Montgomery advertiser., 1906-05-15
Flower Faces

I luv ter see tn flower faces
 Their faces upward fling. l luv to go aroun' tn places
 Doin' not a thing, 'Cept in their sweet smiles q baskir' Whar tn wild birds sing, Them little flower faces askin'
 Pity in tn spring. I never pull tn flower faces;
 Might hurt If did; Some folks likes 'em stuck in vases, Stid O whar they're hid. Mebbe I am sentimental--
 Queer as anything I luv them sweet an ornamental
 Faces in tn spring.
The Montgomery advertiser., 1906-05-15

headline in a newspaper reads: 'Goes ninety miles on two gallons" If 1t was real good stun two gallons ought to last him that far. unless he walks Still. they may have been referring to gasoline engine.
The Montgomery advertiser., 1906-05-15
Wants to Be the Whole Thing.
opelika Post.

-
 MT. Conner wants a Legislature that will work in harmony with him--and ture that will do exactly as he says do. If that is the case, why not abolish the Legislature, elect MT. Conner the whole thing and call him supreme dictator or some such name.
The Montgomery advertiser., 1906-05-15
Enforce Law Without Favor.

Macon County News
 The News favors the enforcement of the law against all violations of the same, and we also think that justice should be meted out to all alike. Pun !shing one man for an offense and let ting another equally guilty go free, brings the law into contempt and makes It's enforcement harder on the officers.
The Montgomery advertiser., 1906-05-15

Three hundred and twenty private pension bills passed in ninety minutes is the latest House record, and probably not twenty of the numbers who voted for them knew anything of .neir merits
The Montgomery advertiser., 1906-05-15
Hunmin, Beew.

Hear dem bees a-hummin': Summer am a-comin'; Darkies Twin easy; Keep dat skillet greasey. Cat fish am a leapin';
 War de creek am creepin'; Hear dem bees a hummin'; Summer am a-comin. Nobodys gwine to starve to def; Ah'll take date stun de bees has lei.
The Montgomery advertiser., 1906-05-15
WHAT sTATEP PA PIERS ARE SAYING
AIl a Matter of Money.
Birmingham Age-Herald.

F. Aug. Heinze is to succeed Sena- tor Clark in the Senate as the repre- Sentative of copper. The bargain has been struck, and the people of Montana are expected to approve the deal. >
The Montgomery advertiser., 1906-05-15

Korean daily newspaper suspended publication one week on account of the Easter holidays. We suspect the editor filled himself loo full for uttsrance
The Montgomery advertiser., 1906-05-15

The Baltimore News speaks of Gov ernor Hayward. of Georgia" The News had better let Hayward fill out his time as Governor of South Carolina.
The Montgomery advertiser., 1906-05-15
Million In Teeth.

On the authority of the greatest nanufacturer of dental supplies In Eng: land there are over 10000 ounces or denttsfs' use for material in nlltng teeth, in plates and soldiers, the value ot this Rold approxinatink SLooosooo.
The Montgomery advertiser., 1906-05-15
Spend Some to Save Present Navy.

The Government will spend $1,000.000 experimenting with submarine navtga- tion. Now, if she will spend another million in ascertaining how to keep the warships on hand ahoat and off taken another long stride toward rul- ing the world with navy and big stick
The Montgomery advertiser., 1906-05-15
True.

All the world, you know, is a stage And all of the people in 1t. Some of us are stars and all the rage, But the curtain goes down in mia.
 ute.
The Montgomery advertiser., 1906-05-15
SIDEWALK PENCILINGS
vv,tse. of Nontgomery.

Mir. F. J Waldo, the veteran editor The Rising Sun (1nd.l Recorder whc
 o h. a .sna S % Ss wado ana s
 B. Waldo. writing from here to ms
 "DTsxIps Ens Ds.as.. s.R.s. houses are going up ali the time, and in every portion of the city fine .,s and chesper residences are being buiis. Tss sy s aHsesy RTSend foe large Hf s anS time aso. 1t is flrst-class in every respeet The city. in years past, had hostelry. and it is justly called the
 "A systematic effort is being made lected. It Is beautifully located--high, dry and healthy-surrounded by 2 finS larming and grazing country. ana Weii aaapted to many kinds or lrui. ,;rla. ra and capabilities are almost unlimited. Mannfacturtng has assumed large pto- portions already. and the future ln tnts to eclipse all its past. And Montkom- cry, the natural capital of the, state. should easily be and remain the iareesl ana sss mSst sl aronaa Mosle elS Birmingham, the three important cites of the State. are of about equal popl- lation. Biymingham has special ad-
 
 tries; Mobile has the great natural ad, vantages from water navigation ana shipping. These are not d. part oi Montgomery's assets. but it has many other advantages that only need 10 be worked with energy and zeal to ac, complish great things for the city ana all It's people, and just now the lead ing citizens show an earnest desire 10 work for large results. The. motto now emblazoned over the city IS !slO: Montgomery 100, ,600.' If all take hold of the matter with as much zeal as l the leading men of the city the goal may be reached, and with 100000 popu,, lation the possibilities of the city will be largely augmented, and things not now possible will be easily secured. "The Montgomery Advertiser, the old and leading newspaper. is at the head of every movement to better the local conditions, and wields a powerful in- fuence even beyond the city and state; and has no equal within the bounds or the commonwealth. It inaugurated this morning a costly and important move, hent, that of sending out special railroad train to carry its papers; this enables them to be delivered several hours earlier in several cities and towns in Northern Alabama. Such en- terprise is well worthy of hearty en- dorsement upon the part of it's large and widening number of patrons.
The Montgomery advertiser., 1906-05-15

James Gordon Bennett. of The New York Herald, is 65 years old and he doesn't think Dr, Osler can touch him.
The Montgomery advertiser., 1906-05-15
sunday Avsfsse. March. 1908. =. ..i7.e9s

E. S. Noble. Circulation ManaGer ef The Montgomery Advertiser. being duly sworn. The foregoing statement of The Adver- tfsers Circulation for the month of MAren. 1so6. is true and correct. and compiled altcr all returns from news boys. news a8entns aha leftover copies have been deducted
 E. q. EOBf.H
 Circulation Manager. Sworn to and subscribed before ma this
 F. W. JACKSON,
 Notary Public
The Montgomery advertiser., 1906-05-15
D RIFT W o o D
BROKEN REFLECTIONS.
nY PHI H. ARMsrRoxa

HHUhkEN HkEFLhlIlONDs The Hand of Time leads some of us gently on and gives others a slap in the face.
 There Is one thing we can wear, and 1t will never become threadbare---s If you tell a girl she has shapely hands she will say you have proposed to her.
 When a young couple sits in the par Tor to spark. 1t is natural enough that they shouldn't need any gas burning. In teaching the gouns h idea Al. how ,sts to have lofty aim.
 Old wine makes you feel like new The long sermon inviteth short as- The barber ought to be vain chap. as he turns the head of every custonasr who gets haircut.
 A woman sometimes marries q man to reform him and then "re-forms her mirror). No. Cora. the Sunday editor is not necessarily so called because he is re- ligious. ,.r
 Love is blind and there Is no feces- sity for hanging a sign around It's neck to proclaim 1t to the world. All the world shoves 6 lover. When thieves fall out, honest people get the news.
 If we could only shut up the chronic kicker as easily as we can the folding bed
 Revised. Jack and Jill Went up the hill, For a can of gasoliue: Jack planked down A half crown. Then they started the. darn machine. He Hs.
 Friend--Do you think he is fit subs ject?
 Hypnotist---Well. he is subject to fits.
 Fitted.
 Visitor-Do you think the boy has shown indications of any particular Farmer corncob-waal, reckon hs'll be another one O them literary feiiers; we cain't git him ter comb his head CT wear clean collar. One Use.
 DO you think a college education
The Montgomery advertiser., 1906-05-15
One Use.

Do you think a college education Is helpful to a young man after all?'
 Why. certainly; don't it develop his lung power7"
The Montgomery advertiser., 1906-05-15
Visit of Judge somervIIie.

Judge IT. M SomervilIe Of New Yofk Is the city. He leaves this morn ing for Tuscalooss where he goes to attend the exercises connected with the seventy-fiftb anniversary of the Uni versity of Alabama of which he Is an alumnus. Judge Somerville Is we'll known to the bar and people of Ala bama, having served number of years as a judge of the Alabama supreme Court.
 Since the establishment of the Boai q of General Appraisers, connected with the customs laws of the United States. he has been one of it's members. Every case involving tariff duties which goes to the United States Supreme Court passes through the hands of
 Although his duties require him to serve in New York. Judge Somerville has not severed his connection with Alabama. and he still votes in Tusca- loosa which he calls his home.
The Montgomery advertiser., 1906-05-15
An OId Time PhiInannher.

Louisville Courier Journal.
 In his charming essay upon My Old Kentucky Home" appropos of the
The Montgomery advertiser., 1906-05-15

Visitor-Do you think the boy has shown indications of any particular calling?
 Farmer Corncob-waa1, I reckon he'll be another one O them literary feiIers; we caint git him ter comb his head CT wear a clean collar.
The Montgomery advertiser., 1906-05-15
He In.
Fitted.

Friend--Do you think he is a it subs ject?
 Hypnotist---Well. he is subject to fits.
The Montgomery advertiser., 1906-05-15

Capt. J. C. Cheney, a former popular citizen of Montgomery. who now re- sides in Evergreen, is in town.
The Montgomery advertiser., 1906-05-15

Hon. w. c. Tunstall of Greensboro. is in Montgomery to attend the Rail- road Commission, which meets today.
The Montgomery advertiser., 1906-05-15

MT. E. J. Donelson of Birmingham is visiting the city.
The Montgomery advertiser., 1906-05-15

MT. N. A. Hungerford, a well-known railroad official of Selma spent yester- day in Montgomery
The Montgomery advertiser., 1906-05-15

Mir Henry Bethea of Faunsdale, wa in town last night.
The Montgomery advertiser., 1906-05-15

Mir. John J. Farley. chief clerk of the sanitary department. left Montgom- cry at 11:15 o'clock yesterday morning for New Orleans where he will remain for several days on business for the city.
The Montgomery advertiser., 1906-05-15

Messrs T. W. Jones and E. N Jones, ,f Camden, are in the city.
The Montgomery advertiser., 1906-05-15

Hon. John p. Tillman of Birmingham. is in the city.
 MT. Benjamin M. Tryce of Talladega, is in town.
The Montgomery advertiser., 1906-05-15

MT. Conner Smms of Mobile was the New Exchange yesterday.
The Montgomery advertiser., 1906-05-15

Hon. Oscar R. Hundley of Huntsville, reached the city last night to attend the Supreme Court.
The Montgomery advertiser., 1906-05-15

Mir. G. B. Hollingsworth of .Besse- mer, is in town accompanied by his wife.
 MT. B. B. Mckenzie of Eufaula. Is in the city accompanied by his wife.
The Montgomery advertiser., 1906-05-15

Dr. Lyman Ward, principal of the industrial school at Camp Hill Is in the city.
The Montgomery advertiser., 1906-05-15

The condition of Roundsman Patrick ]. Sweeney of the Montgomery police department was reported slightly im- proved last night. The popular officer has been critically III 1ro TOT SeSerss sert aasS
The Montgomery advertiser., 1906-05-15

MT. F. H. Andrews, a Birmingham insurance man, is at the New Ex- change,
The Montgomery advertiser., 1906-05-15

Jack and Jill Went up the hill, For a can of gasoline: Jack planked down A half crown. Then they started the darn maehine.
The Montgomery advertiser., 1906-05-15

When thieves fall out. honest people get the news.
 If we could only shut up the chrenic kicker as easily as we can the folding bed.
The Fairmont West Virginian. (Fairmont, W. Va.) 1904-1914, 1906-05-16
Hit by No. f.
PATRICK FLEMING RECEIVED IN.
JuRIES RESULTING IN HIS
DEATH LATER.

Patrick Fleming, a miner in the tn
ploy OF the Fairmoct Goa: Company.
was struck by No 4 last evening near
the Shaft. receiy'nS injuries result
morning He was not found until
about eleven o'clock lie was carried
to the Office and Dr. E W. Howard
called who ordered him moved to
the hospital. Examination showed
that his skull was fractured and the. G
were no hopes for his recovery His
death occurred at two O'Clock this
morning. Fleming was fifty years of
age and is survived by a wife and :uur
children