davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1906-05-13

A New York jury awarded s.. 600 damages
70 girl whose right hand was amputated
by a restaurant hash machine. She pleaded
that her chances Of marrying were greatly
diminished by her affection for no man
would want a wife who could not dress her
self without help and who could not cook a
quick meal. Doubtless every member of
that jury had visions OF trying to hook up
his OWN wife's party dress. and considered
that $4,000 was not an unreasonable sum
f. view Of such terrors
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1906-05-13
Pictures.

Are you fond of pictures?' asked the
young woman who happened to be In
Crimson Gulch.
Well" answered Bronco Bob, thought
fully, they beat ten spots. But they
amt as good as aces.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1906-05-13
A Bad Bow.

"An Indian is but a child of nature"
said the sympathetic man.
Yes" answered Miss Cayenne. But
the trouble is that he insists on being an
enfant terrible"
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1906-05-13
Conquering Difficulties.

my daughter says she is determined to
conquer every difficulty that her musical
studies present" said Mr.. Cumrox.
II understand she has become interested
in Wagner"
Yes. 1t sounds to me as If she had
tried kindness in vain and was resorting
to violence"
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1906-05-13

a French dramatist has made a play out
OF Mark Twain's sketch, How I Edited an
Agricultural Paper" The Jumping Frog
as a musical burlesque should follow in log
ical sequence
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1906-05-13
A Smile.

This world is like a golf ball
That's swift and hard to stop.
wonder how twas started;
1 wonder when twill drop.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1906-05-13

II the car permits the douma TO publish
an official record of it's proceedings he win
probably cut short the leave to print He
win also doubtless appoint the editor him
self
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1906-05-13

New York hearse drivers are out on
strike. II is hoped that there may be
sympathetic strike OF the grave-diggers.
coffin carpenters and their assistant germs.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1906-05-13

In view of many recent examples of sena-
torial courtesy, IT is hoped. for the sake OF
public morals. that the Senate will never
try to be discourteous
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1906-05-13

This ugly business of raking the muck
with a muck rake should be stopped. The
muck-rakers should lay aside the rake.
They need steam shovel.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1906-05-13

The trouble the dragon had with St
George was nothing compared to the
trouble the octopus is having
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1906-05-13

Chancellor Day of Syracuse University
must be seeking Standard OIL endowment
for his institution.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1906-05-13

1t is announced that the Standard Oil
Company agrees with the President that
the muck rake is being overworked.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1906-05-13

Gorky denounces the douma. The douma
may be something of a fake, but Gorky
should have no fear of rivalry in that line.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1906-05-13

The spectacle of King Edward holding
up hts finger at Abdul Hamid is too ia
miiiar to be styled a European crisis
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1906-05-13

1t is announced that the Zulus are again
on the warpath. The warpath seems to be
the principal highway in that country.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1906-05-13

Tho trusted eInpioye" sticks to the de-
fusion that he can beat the ntrIcet.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1906-05-13

Dowie has a dent in his crown and is
suffering from a fractured halo.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1906-05-13

Many Washington autos seem to have
catarrh.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1906-05-13

l. X L.-What sort Of a costume IS most
popular on the Isthmus OF Panama? A
mo we've never been there we understand
that birthday suits are generally worn The
police regulations are very lax. Won know.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1906-05-13
SHOOTING STARS.

May has returned.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1906-05-13

t,RlZ.-Do You know whether the woman
VINO Jumped Off the Brooklyn bridge the
other day was an Esquimau? A-Alaska:
that Is If 1 ever see the lady. Oh. slush'
We can't just help It.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1906-05-13

CITIzEN.-Is 1t true that Mrs Minor Nor
ris. who was thrown out OF the White
House. has brother In Congress? At
Is; Representative Derelct of Iowa Is the
man. Don't throw that brick: we have a
family to suppo-t)
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1906-05-13

OUSEHOLDER.-My cook when pceling
a potato wastes half of 1t. Is there any
machine that VIII do the work economically?
AIRY safety razor. Your cook will fall
on your neck and weep
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1906-05-13

RECOMMENDATIONS Uncle Jasper, do
YOU consider 1t much of a saving to buy
shoes by the hundred pair? Ave do not
know. We have never tried IL. We never
expect to try 1t. We resent the inquiry.
We are not a centipede.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1906-05-13

ENTHUSIAST am studying the auto
mobile, Uncle Jasper. What is the sparkling
plug? A.-Shucks. Young folks weren't 50
ignorant In my day. Didn't you ever sit
on one and hold hands2
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1906-05-13

LABORATORY-What Is the difference
between E2O and H2O2? Aust the diff
ference between a clean face and blonde
hair. We haven't forgotten all our chemis-
try yet
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1906-05-13

MORTIFIED was invited out to din
ner the other night and found my hostess
with another lady and three men. What
sort of an arrangement was that? A-ThBt
was known as a poker dlnner-two queens
and three jacks. We suspicion you We're the
discard.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1906-05-13

D. C-When Barnes is confirmed will IL
be done in the usual manner A.-Oh. dear.
no. Whltewash will be used instead of oil.
It's so much more fashionable nowadays.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1906-05-13

FET.-Please tell me a scientific and ac-
curate method OF determining the age OF a
horse. A.-Surs. Higher mathematics is
our long suit. Divide the number of hairs
IN the animals tail by the number of teeth
In his head, subtract from this the number
OF hairs in his name, multiply by six. add
his left ear. divide by the off forefoot ana
You have the answer-twenty-three.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1906-05-13

GWENDOLYNE.-De Uncle Jasper.
am employed In candy store at $3.50 a
week. A bank president wants to marry
me- but I am of the opinion that money
does not buy happiness. What shall l dor
A.--See a doctor, grille. You're in a bad
way.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1906-05-13

SMITHS the William Sulzer of New
York whom heard mentioned In conuec-
ton with the ST. Elizabeths inquiry an eS-
patient OF the insane asylum, an inmate
at the present time? A,-You We're getting
warm. Smith. Why didn't you keep on? He
is a member of Congress
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1906-05-13

G. H. LIS II true that clean streets make
for higher morals? A.-CertainIy. We
never understood this until we saw man
step on a banana peel and heard what he
said. The explanation was very fluent.
UNCLE JASPER.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1906-05-13

REGRET-Why is not Gen. Grosveno1
coming back to Congress next time? A
Gen. Grosvenor had the habit for twenty
years. He took many remedies, without
avail, until some body recommended Piukcr
tons Plutesence Of Petrifted Prunes. Sis
bottles did the trick, and Mr.. Grosvenor I!
now a well man. One dollar a bottle; al
druggists.-Adyt.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1906-05-13

KNOWLES.-I understand the Riggs Ma
tional Bank is contemplating moving into
more commodious quarters. Is this true2
A.-WeIl! Well Well! We are surprised
We weren't aware that anybody knew where
we kept our bank account.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1906-05-13

Tin this column will h. answered all questions
OF a proper nature submitted to The Star. Ia
quirers should write on side OF the paper only
and address their letters to Uncle Jasper, star
Office. In of difficult conuBdrums answers may
be delayed for week two. Consequently II
may be advisable for all suestloners to watch this
column carefully,l
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1906-05-13

E. z. MI have accepted an invitation to
attend bridge whist party tomorrow aft
ernoon. What shall / wear? A large
bunch of Cassie Chadwick securities and
a safety pin through your change pocket
would help some. Take this advice and
you'll thank US with tears in your eyes in
70
Waterbury evening Democrat., 1906-09-20

The talk that has been raised in some quarters about the possibility of bomb being put under the Den yer at Havana and sending her the way of the Maine is regarded in Washington as sheer nonsense. There are about a million chances to one against such a contingency and if it happened, it could only be the work of exceedingly heartless and short-sighted annexatlonists, who are willing to take such desperate meas ures to bring about America inter- vention and ultimate annexation. One of the most serious practicable phases of the situation is the danger that the sugar crop may be ruined by the up- rising and the price of sugar mater ially increased in the United States. Many of the plantations are working on credit and with the disturbed state of the island, it Is almost impossible for them to get laborers. The banks refuse them credit and both the gov ernment and insurgents have been drafting farm animals, both beef cat tie and horses. so that in reality the life of the planter is not happy one, and If the revolution is not speedily settled, this year Cuban sugar crops is apt to be almost complete fail- ure.
Waterbury evening Democrat., 1906-09-20
Speaking of the republican

Speaking of the republican cam paign book one writer says that the one absorbing topic on which the vo- ters of the country would like a lit- tie enlightenment has been passed over as scantily as might be. The question of tariff revision is confined almost wholly to a summary of tariff history and tariff laws with all the tariff blanks of the republican and democratic parties. In this connec- tion also. the large growth of Ameri- can trade and manufacture is dwelt upon with an effortto prove that they are entirely the result of republican policy. Tn this same connection the bureau of labor has been drawn upon to show that while it is true that the price of commodities has increased in the past year. the price of wages has risen more than approximately. This is about the most transparently part isan claim that Is made in the whole book. and when one sees the way in which it Is sandwiched in. with the excuses against revising the tariff. 1t is easy to understand why the com missioner of labor was moved to fs- sue his very remarkable report just in time for it to get into the hands of the campaign text book editor. Alto gether it is a beautiful partisan vol ume. as indeed one might expect such a book to be. but it goes beyond even the usual lengths of partisan ship in claiming everything on the horizon for the republican party It Is remarkable that the editors made even the concession to Providence hersinbefore noted in virtue of which our remarkably successful crops were able to come to maturity.
Waterbury evening Democrat., 1906-09-20
BEGGAR IN SILK HAT.

Two visitors from the country turn ing from a London railway terminus into the street on Saturday stopped :o gaze agfIast at a man standing fin the gutter. Look said one. nudging the ether. 'even the bexg7rs wear top pers' in Lcn,Ion-' It was true h this case. ar any rate.
 Here v-aS a man Of about five and thirty. drtSSei Ike a city clerk. in q god morning eoat and trou<erS. sound boots. clean starchei shirt and collar anl a well fitfsl tie He was crown- eI with a silk hat. well b-uSbed and irOneI Ru- there he was In the con rentionsl attitude of the curistoRe merchant- one foot on the pavement the ether in the gutter One hand held cut for sale half q fozen boxes of mztcileS. the ether invited sins.
 A man keeTs a nsce little plsce h the coaatry from the profits of his pitch on the pavement in the Str1nf- but his worksdsy eiathes wouh not fstch ss n1ch as this nan's hat cosf .to irvA
Waterbury evening Democrat., 1906-09-20
HEARD IN PASSING.

Young Hobson impulsively declares that MT Bryan is the greatest man in the United States, but we can't help thinking that after mature re fection and glance or two in the mirror, he'll modify his opinion.- Hartford Telegram.
 We are happy to be able to agree with the Standards mild criticism of the use of the word "aristocracy" in the platform adopted at Hartford. "Snobocracy" would have been far more accurate as applied to republi- can boss rule but might have been regarded as lacking in courtesy Bridgeport Farmer.
 It would be of assistance to many a town in this state were the example set by Greenwich followed. The Greenwich Taxpayers association, just organized, has for its objects, the development of the town, the en- couragement of good roads, public Improvements and good government. New London Day.
 Comparatively few persons know that ringing bell ruins it. That is, q bell has a defined length of life, and after so many blows will break.ni A 060-pound bell, struck blows of 1IS foot pounds of force. broke after H. 600 blows. A 4.OOO-pound bell broke after 1S,000 blows of $50 pounds force-New Haven Journal X Cou- rier.
 A foreign journal announces the discovery that deaf persons do not suffer from seasckness. X sea cap- tain made this observation in talking, across the Atlantic a large class of deaf mutes. Seasickness is without doubt in some way related to the or gan of equilibration. which Is asso- ciated with the ear. Deafmutism may in some way modify the internal ear in such a way as to make 1t less susceptible to the motions of the ship than when in health.-Good Health.
 A good many fusionists and inde- pendents have broken into the house of representatives and will be of ser vice in inaugurating legislation that Is sorely needed. The movement started in 1902 and continued this
 
 year will not down. It is the history of all reforms that the beginnings are slow-footed but sure. The days of republican walkovers in Vermont are gone. and the cause of good govern ment is bound eventually to triumph in democratic country.-Rutland Herald.
 Capt Pershing's promotion 10 brigadier generalship Is notable in army annals. He jumps 251 captains, 36i majors 131 lieutenant-colonel and 110 colonels. or ss2 officers in all. His case has been so long under con sideratiOn. however. that no mistake should have been made as fo his mer- it. Several years have passed since his campaign in the southern Philip pines. which made his military repu- tatiOn and won President Roosevelt's favor. As a brigadicr-general. Cap tain PershIng will bring young blood to the general officers of the army. where young blood may he somewhat neeled.-SprIngfield Republican.
Waterbury evening Democrat., 1906-09-20

way in very important matter of labels, says Washington writer. It will be recollected that the meat in spection law provided that all meat products should be labeled for pre- cisely what they are. In accordance with this demand nearly all of the
 labels on canned and otherwise pre- served meats had to be- revised The picnic ham" which had no ham init;
 the "potted chicken" which was in
 reality made out of sheep; the Cali
 fornia ham," which was nothing but shoulder, all disappeared from the trade list. But when 1t came to the
 question of canned roast beef, the packers put up such howl that they carried their point, and "canned roast
 beef" will herafter be staple article of trade, although there is no such thing on the market. The "canned roast beef" which the packers have been putting out, is in reality simply par-boiled and steamed until it bears more resemblance to wet wrapping paper in quality and consistency than 1t does to anything else. This was the beef that caused so much of the trouble during the Cuban war. Those who ate it, or tried to, agreed that it was a slimy, tasteless, indigestible mass, and most of the soldiers rather than try to eat it threw away the cans and went hungry. But canned roast beef is still staple article of trade. The packers sell 1t to the armies of the world, probably because the enlisted men of the world can not effectively protest against anything that is issued them in the way of ration. The packers claim that "can- ned roast beef" is valuable trade mark, and that they must so label their product in order to compete with Australia and South America, both of which countries are keenly after army contracts. So the boiled and steamed tbeef, which it is an in- suit to name in the same breath with roast beef, will continue to bear an alluring, lying label, and the depart ment of agriculture will salve its con- science by insisting that the method of preparation shall be noted on the cans in small letters underneath the label.
Waterbury evening Democrat., 1906-09-20

The Kane county federation of wo- mems clubs of Illinois has voted to undertake the work of beautifying 30 miles of country road, from Mont gomery to Carpentersville. This road leads along the west bank of the Fox river, and from it is viewed some of the most beautiful scenery in the fed eration, located at Hampshire, E1gin, St Charles, Geneva, Batavia, and Aurora. All of these towns, except the first mentioned, are located on Fox river. The entire distance be tween Montgomery, which is the low CT section of Aurora, and Carpenters vile has been divided into six sec tions and each club will be given a section of the work, which means that each club must look after five miles of roadway. Each club has pledged itself to raise $500 to carry on the work. so that there will be $1,S00 gathered in to be put to good use.
Waterbury evening Democrat., 1906-09-20
EIREALA.RM

eEuclid and Roseland avenueA 1-Exchange place.
 6-Bridge and Magill streets.
 1Scovill Mfg Co. (P).
 @South Main and 0rAnn streetA 12-Rogers & Bro. Q'). lS-East Main and Niagara streeta N-East Main and Wolcott streetA 1t-High and Walnut s.reeta l6-East Main and Cherry stteetA l1-Cole and South Elm streetx 21-North Elm and Kingsbury strsetA 8-Burton street fire house. AEWaterbury Manufacturing Go (r1. 25-North and North Main streets. 96-Buckingham and Cooke streeta N-Grovs and Prospect streets. 3-Pine street and Hillside avenue. 20-Ludlow and N,rth Willow strestA 81-Bank and Grand streetA e2-Rank and North Riverside streets o-West Main street and Water.
 town road.
 S-Connecticut Railway and Nghtp
 ing Go. car barns. PD. S6-Waterbury Brass Go. (P). 81-Cedar and Meadow streets. 6S-Grand and Field streets. 4z-South Main and Clay streets. l3-New England Watch Go. R l6-Benedict & Burnham Mfg Co n. 46-Waterbury Buckle Co. jP,. l1-6outh Main and WsshinRtop
 streefs. 61-Baldwin ana River streeta. S2-Franklin and Union streets. 8-Watcrbury Clock Co. case fac
 tory. P).
 H-Rose Hill Hose house. b6-Liberty and River streets. 67-Baldwin and Stone streetp, 6e-Baldwin and Washington streeta 62-Doolittle alley and Dublin street n-North Willow and West Nain
 streeta
 73- North Willow. between R,drs.
 wood street and Hillside ave. 74-Johnson and Waterville streeta l42- Wolcott street. above Howafd se l53-walnut and Wood streets. lG2-East Main and Welton stresta. lf3-Poli's theater. a12-The Platt Bros 6 Go. p. 213-The Shoe Hardware Go. P. Clock Co. movement
 factory Pl. s,s-Cherry and North Elm ssrpeta fs1-Round Hill and Ward strssts. ss3-st Paul and Esst Farm streets. 0A-Corner Aetna and North Aain
 streets 9s,-Cooke and North Main Streeta as8-Abbott and Phoenix Avsnue2 9T2-Grove street. between Holmss
 and Central svenuea s1i-southern New England Teis.
 phone Go. P. s,1-Bank and Meadow streets. eis-Randolph- Cloves Mfg Ca RL Sii-Piume & Atwood Mfg Co. PD. eIs-Amcrican Ring Go. P. sie-Counerticut Railway and ught.
 ing G. power house. R. sIs-Holmes. Booth q Hsydens Mfg
 Go. P. s,i-Bank street and wsshinstos sz7-Green snd North Leonard streseA sz3-west Porter streef and Wash-
 inefon avenue. s1s-Chsr,rs and Porter sfreetn e2S-sfmors street and WashingtDo
 avenBe. ez;-Riverxide part sfI-City Lumber & Coal Co. n l11-The Tracy Bros Co R l13-Cay and Min ssreefA l2-Tiberfy srd South Main sfrugeA SB1-eteeie c Johnson Mfg Ca 1 gs9-Bsldvin and Rye sfregeD SlS-Ridgsvood and WatRv1l1s GlA
Waterbury evening Democrat., 1906-09-20
SIT ON LEFT IN DRIVING
Said to Be the Proper Position Where
 Traffic Keeps to the Right.

Said to Be the Proper POS1tlOn where Traffic Keeps to the Right.
 In driving we violate the most ele- mentary requirements by persistent ly sitting upon the wrong side of the vehicle, writes F. M. Ware in Outing. We turn to the right and we sit on the right, thus effectually obscuring our view ahead in traffic; compelling our footmen to jump down into the dirty street and to run all around the carriage, both at stopping and starting, while to the friend who would accompany us in self-driven vehicles we offer the alternative of crawling into our laps and under the reins or going out into the street and swarming up from that situation; or we alight, abandon control of the horse and chamber in after the pas senger has preceded us.
 Was ever anything more ridicu- lous? Nor can anyone cite any sin gle reason for sitting on the right (where traffic keeps to the righD or against sitting on the left. For more than thirty-five years I have always sat upon the left, and in driving any thing from four to six horses down to one have found 1t practical, con venient, necessary.
 Think of the aggregate time lost at theaters, the opera. etc. while hun dreds of footmen jump off, run around, open door. unload. shut door, run around and climb to the box again!
 It is true that coaches brake on the off side and the brake works by hand, but 1t can as well act by the foot: or the handle comes up off side the driving cushion, If that is on the left. Anyhow. the infrequent coach needs no consideration; nor does the position of Its driver.
 On the left one's whip is clear of the face of the passenger. whether driving one or four. and yet the right arm is always unobstructed for any work; while even in narrow seat the motionless whip arm is more comfortable for the companion than, when seated as customary, is the constantly moving left elbow point of the driver.
Waterbury evening Democrat., 1906-09-20
AUTUMNAL EXCURSIONS.

The sale of tickets for the autum- nal excursions to the principal White and Green Mountain resorts has been exceedingly large. many people hay ing taken advantage of the greatly reduced rates for visiting these popu- lar mountain points in the most at tractiye season of the year. The offered by the N. Y-. N. H & H.R. R. Co should not be over looked. Full particulars in regard to tickets and other information may be had upon application to the ticket agent