Staunton spectator and vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1896-1916, 1906-08-31
SOME AMUSING BLUNDERS.
STORIES TOLD OF MISTAKES MADE BY
MINISTER'S IN THE PULPIT

MINISTER'S IN THE PULPIT
Each profession hos ita stock Jokes,
it's stories innumerahle, and to each
belongs a flavor it's own, says Cham
bers Journal, That the point of jest
lies not in the tongue of him who
makes it, but In the ear that hears. ia
the testimony of the great dramatist.
The doctor on his rounds and the
Judge upon the bench have both an au-
dience ready and willing to accept AS
the highest wit the hon nots of the
speakers; and there is no club gather
Ing of men that does not acclaim one
of its members rs supreme in this res
pect, and are ready to yield due rec.
ognition of the gift.
There is, however, "A vast amount of
unconscious humOr always floating
about, and to those who perceive it
the world Is very amusing. 1t must
be admitted that for bIunders and jests
clerical stand for some reason preemi-
nently both in numbers and in mirth-
producing qualities. The reason, Of
course, is not far to seek; the very
in which they occur. the
very upsetting of ones precOnceived
notions of reverence, all tend to cause
a reaction in the ordinary mental equi
librium, and the simplist mistake or
accident under such circumstances
assumes the proportion of huge com
edy.
The divine who in drawing the at,
tention of the congregation to special
service on the following
Sunday informed them that 1.-THE Lord
is with us in the forenoon and the
bishop in the evening"" Is chrOnicled
with praying for the children of his
parish in these words: "And now, Oh,
Lord, bless the lambs of the fold and
make them meet for the kingdom of
heaven While a Scotch minister,
innOcently. perhaps. hit the mark by
telling the people: "Weel, friends, the
kirk is urgently in need of siller, and
as we have failed to get money honest
Iy we will have to see what a bazaar
can do for us y
There is certain amount of excuse
to be made for the young curate who,
that some people came to
church for no better reason than to
show off their best clothes, finished up
az he glanced over his audience, II am
dear friends, that none of
you have come here for that reason"
An Irish clergyman is credited with
having concluded a powerful oration
in this fashion: "My brethren, let not
this world rob you of a peace which it
can neither give nor take away"
Which is coupled with the remark of a
fellow cOuntryman, who, in reasoning
with woman who had lost her faith
in Christianity. told her: "Well, you
shall go to hell, you know, and shall
be very sorry, indeed, to see you
there"
But what can be said of the negro
student, who, conducting the prayers
at one of the great missionary colleges
said: ''Give us all pure hearts, give
us all clean hearts, give us all sweet
hearts, to which the entire congrega-
tion made response, amen"
The giving out of church notices has
often proved pitfall for the unwary.
During Lent" said rector, recent
ly, several preachers will preach on
Wednesday evenings; but l need not
give their names, as they will be all
found hanging up on the porch"
1t was a rector who gave OUT a hymn
beginning, Awake my soul, stretch
every nerve," before his sermon, and
curate who read in the lesson for the
day: ''He spake the words, and cat
hOppers and grasspillars innumerable, !"
but it was at a young woman's Bible
class that, when the question was
asked what hymn should be sung at
the close. they all, with one accord,
chose, "Where is my wandering boy
tonight"