The Bennington evening banner. (Bennington, Vt.) 19??-1961, 1906-10-13
Legally Dead.
az ARTHUR LIE eouTlLLiGR.

up 10 Toozy Ann Bugie's door an was
lalkln' awful strong 10 her. an she
teilln' him rs how he we're dead an
goss an she'd have nothin more TO
do with him. Then he begun stormin
away 'tlll Eddie Casey come out an
druv him on. sayln no didn't want no
old eorpses botherln' round the Ave
nue.. This mornln' he told mo brother.
Jimmy Kennedy. he'd come back an
have the law OF 'em an got his rights"
without saying n word 10 his wife
or giving the slightest hint OF his In
tentions. Mr.. Bugle had simply
walked away one fine morning and
never come back. Toozy Ann--the pop
ular rendering Of her baptismal name
Arethusa Annlta-shed tears. as be-
came her sex. and. after frultlessly
visiting the morguo several times and
mentioning the matter nj the police
station. settled down to do as best she
could alone.
As year after year passed by and
her husband did not return. Toozy Ann
gave up all Idea OF ever seeing him
again, and consulted Father Peter OF
the chapel, and a'legal gentleman who
collected rents on the avenue. MS TO
whether she might marry again. She
was told that according TO law. In
seven years she might consider her
husband dead and have all the priv
leges OF widowhood. and also claim the
few hundred dollars life insurance that
had been carried by him for her ben
eft.
The necessary formallties having
been complied with. Toozy Ann. who
had been made executor" as she
called Il, accepted the attentions OF
Mr.. Eddie Casey OF the coal yard; the
wedding day was set. and the guests.
who included all the inhabitants OF the
Avenue. hidden to the festivities.
SO when the long.lost Mr.. Bugle had
Unexpectedly turned up on the night
before. his return was looked upon
with great dlsfavor by the Corinthians.
who considered that they had not only
been defrauded OF a wake by the I'M
usual manner OF his decease, but
might also be deprived OF wedding
by his untlmely resurrection.
After the unexpected visit OF her
deceased husband. poor Toozy passed
a wakeful night OF tears and perplexi-
~, and was glad TO welcome Father
pa,a- 90 . --~-iI hau~ - .h~ .ss-.i.y.
"oh, Father Peter. It's sinful trib-
ulation I'm in," walled Toozy Ann.
Here I am. the widow OF a corpse and
him not dead nor buried. but comm
back and wantln' his property. The
coort said he was dead an he himself
says he's Twin an comm round every
blessed minute to have his rights.
With Eddie Casey wantin' TO beat him
with club. an when have me new
clothes all bought an elegant new fur
niture for me sittin' room presented
to me by me new husband an every
one an all invited" and Toozy wept
copiously into the corner OF Der blue
checked apron.
MY daughter" said the priest sooth-
Ingly.r "it's a painful thing to have a
deceased husband return in the mortal
flesh, and especially great tribulation
to those about to marry with the bless
Ing OF the church. Moreover, 1t may
be I'll have to get dispensation to
complete the bans"
Thank your reverence" said Toozy,
whose lamentations had prevented her
from hearing distinctly. "If you'll get
me the dispensary have the band
already. Didn't / engage a dago to
bring himself an another Eyetalian
with his fiddle for the dancin'. An to
think o. me in me beautiful white"
tremendous uproar at the street
door interrupted her, and running with
Father, Peter to the window, she saw
the defunct and her betrothed strug-
Cling about the pavement, surrounded
by most of the youthful Corinthian
court population, who encouraged
them with shrill boots and shouts of
derision; while Toozy's canary In the
window burst into joyful song, as If
q
Come out O. that, we hyena!" shout.
ed Eddie Casey. what do We want
rubberin' in where ye don't belong
for?"
Let me go, you theft" angrily re-
torted Mr.. Bugle. Il want me prop
erty, an me wife what's been longin'
for me for seven year an more"
"Longin' for We, We old deserter!"
piped up the little sparrow-faced wom-
an, who had edged her way into the
front row. IT'S good radiance We
wor An yer dead--dead as Noah in
the ark. There's Father Peter In the
windy, ask him If We amt a corpse.
Him an the coort says yer dead an
buried long ago."
"The coort be dam!" calculated the
deceased one. what did die Of?
Where's me stificate II I'm a corpse?
Where's me hearse? Ye're all crazy
an want to defraud me o. me rights.
But We won't do ut. I'll have We all in
jail for purloinin' me property, will"
He made another rush for the door
and the scufiie threatened to become
general, when policeman elbowed
his way through the crowd, and seizing
Eddie Casey and Mr.. Bugle by their
collars, demanded:
Now then, what's this here trou-
BILE? Can't you people be decent and
behave yourselves? You're up to more
devilment than the whole ward put to-
gether."
Whereupon he hauled the two away
to the station, where they were put
under bond to appear before the mag
istrate in the morning. for a settle
ment.