davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Washington herald., 1906-11-18
Some Anecdotes of Various Sorts.
His First High Hat.

When came TO Smithville'' related
the clergyman 10 his colleague, I re-
ceived from an admiring aunt a new silk
hat But I was young and lacked the
courage TO wear it.
The town, one morning. was posted
with bills announcing the coming OF
minstrel troupe. The pictures showed
the actors all garbed in Prince Albert
and high silk hats.
That's my opportunity said ].
When these minstrels arrive, I'll wear
my high nat. and il will attract no par
ticulsr attention. being lost In a pre-
pondeTance Of similar headgesr.'
"'Cn the day that the mistrels struck
town wore the hat and was agreeably
ignored by both saints and sinners Along
toward evening, however. small boy
approached me timidly, and asked:
Say. mister, win you please give ne
a Iicket 10 the show?
The Washington herald., 1906-11-18
UnpardonabIe Insinuation.

Mr.. Upton" said DR., Briggs, address
ing the attorney, 4 wish TO enter suit
against John B. Lowery, the undertaken,
for damages 70 my professional reputa-
ton"
John Lowry is q man highly honored
in this community" advised the lawyer.
and I'd thoroughly consider the matter
before doing anything rash. What did he
say to injure your
He said nothing" growled the doctor
but he deliberately injured me. Yet it
will be difficult TO bring direct charges
against him"
Please explain" suggested the attor-
ney.
Yesterday morning" related the doctor,
while was at church, one Of the ushers
handed me a note and left Immediately.
Mr.. LOwTy voluntarily retired from the
church q few moments later"
The Washington herald., 1906-11-18
One Way of Checking divorce.

Prom the Modern Society.
clergyman was railing agains'
divorce I'VE ought to have the divorce
law that was enforced in ancient Greece,
he said. If that old Greek clause was
tackled to every separation am persuad-
ed that divorces would fall OF 50 to 40
per cent. This law was that when a man
got a divorce he could not under any
marry another woman
younger than his ex-wife. An innocent
law. a brief law. not much TO look at,
but how many divorce suits would be
nipped in the bud If all husbands knew
that after the separation they could not
marry younger women than the wives
they had cast off?''
The Washington herald., 1906-11-18
No Charge for Experimenting.

Two fever convalescents, who had suf-
fered from q similar disease, and were
treated BY the same physician, met on
the street. and for an hour discussed the
acute stages Of suffering through which
they had passed.
The cost involved was then considered,
and Or. Brooks disclosed the fact that
Dr. Wallace had not charged him a cent
why. he sent ne bill for S165." nut
tered Mr.. Sterling, threateningly. Il
shall go and see him at once"
''Mr Sterling" explained DR.. Wallace
very affably. Mr.. Brooks and you suffer
ed from a most peculiar affliction. Had
Brooks died, I should then have known
what not to do in your case. From
Garret Geerlings.
The Washington herald., 1906-11-18

so much" the shanghaied one continued.
These rags are all I've got, and they d
make a Dakota scarcecrow throw a At.
When the bunco steerers sold me to this
boats captain they sent along a two
bushel sack supposed to Ice full OF clothes.
What do you reckon was in the sack?"
"Hay?" Willie placed this one best bet
after mature thought
Next thing to it." sighed T. Wilson.
Mostly straw and shavings and a couple
of cobble stones. They did put in some
pieces Of old canvas and the leg Of a
rubber boot that was In pretty good
shape. In the bottom OF the sack was a
new mouth organ worth Is cents. and 1
can't play on it, either. I used TO blow
an alto horn in the brass band at Cob
Center. Ohio"
And now you're doubling in white
wash exclaimed Mr. Bloke It's a
downright shame"
What made them put in the mouth or
gan I don't know" T. Wilson went on,
unless I was blowing my bazoo In the
saloon about the horn l played In Ohio.
But here I am. The captain paid SIS ad-
vance money for me. and he Is mRdder
than a wet hen-won't give me any over
alls."
"Wot's all this pow-wow and likewise
CUFF going on here" grOwled the voice Of
Mr.. Barnacle, breaking in on the confess
sions Of a farmer. Are you one Of them
old masters wot only paints when he has
q !dee? Get busy on them anchors afore
the skipper sees you"
T. Wilson grabbed the whitewash
brush and resumed his masterpiece, while
Mr.. Bioke hustled back to the cabin.
Bill took no notice Of the tourist, nor did
he ever allude to the gabfest on the bow;
but Willie soon CLEANED that passengers
are not supposed TO converse with Ohio
farmers before the mast, shaughaied OF
otherwise
He might print item" was the tail
end OF a muffled talk Mr. Bloke overheard
between Bill and the captain a few hours
later
II the course OF many weeks Of sloppy
sailing the Luly Alice blew down to the
Line and went drifting through the dol
drums. Sometimes she made eight OF ten
knots in tWenty-four hours.
These here is the hoss latitudes." Mr.
BarnacIe remarked one afternoon 10 the
tourist, who sat painting under the deck
awning.
Because Of the sea horses?" queried
Willie.
IN a way" said Bill NO wind blows
in these atitudes-leastwise, not much.
Livestock vessels crossing the line used
TO get hung up for weeks. When they
run out OF fresh water the hosses died
and was chucked overheard. have seen
the tine when a seaman could walk
across the equator dry foot on the
corpses Of dead bosses a-drifting with the
tide. Hence these here boss latitudes."
Mr.. Bloke gazed at the fat and alrless
ocean heaving in molten swells.
And do they have horseless ships
now?"
NO, they still carries hosses." replied
the mate. peering under his brows at the
passenger. Steam yes
sels wot has hoss power galore pushes
through rapid these days, and the water
holds out Blow me, if there amt a
gooney bird s-setting on the rail"'
A dirty gray sea fowl larger than the
domestic goose Of commerce sat baIanc-
ing and blinking on its accordion-pleated
feet. From the neck Of the bird, fasten-
ed by a copper wire. hung a long and
slender glass bottle glistening IN the sun.
"Oh, look exclaimed Mr.. Bloke. "a
The Washington herald., 1906-11-18
One Statement Made CIear

Senator Beveridge tells Of an acquaint-
ance OF his who attended religious ser
vice one Sunday in a neighboring city.
After the sermon the clergyman hOvsred
about the visitor and eagerly sngled for
a word Of praise.
your sermon was very good said the
stranger. honestly. and Il I have a fault
10 find. IL is this-yo1 distribute too many
Greek and Latin words through your dis
course"
But people understand all those refer
coats and high silk hats
myself upon the congregations superior
intelligence"
Their intelligence may be superior"
commented the visitor, rather icily. but
I observed that you did not confuse tbs
people with words from dead language
when It came to announcing the coiieo-
ton"
The Washington herald., 1906-11-18
Milwaukee's UnquenchabIe Thirst.

1 have one song in which I make de-
cided hit related the little soubrette
and that is in the Old Oaken Bucket
make the dear old melody quite effective
by pointing to a wooden pail, which is
placed In the background of the stage
Il was about to go on the stage OF a
Milwaukee theater. few weeks ago. and
began frantically to search for my pail
appealed to the stage manager. and
told him that had given a stage hand SO
cents to look after the bucket for me.
Serves you right, grunted the stage
manager, remorselessly. You should
know better than to give a Milwaukeean a
bucket and 80 cents at the same time. -
From Garret Geerlings.
The Washington herald., 1906-11-18

EFORE many days had passed
into deep sea history T. Wilson.
OF Ohio was sorry he had scrub
bed the ships pig into a watery
grave Why should an honest farmer be
made to suffer for the crimes OF others
It was not his fault that the man-steal-
ers OF San Francisco had shanghaied him
aboard the South Sea trader Moreover,
the quarterback had dropped out Of T.
Wilson's overalls. and Capt. Jute, the
stony-hearted, refused to give him a new
pair.
Why should I make a human doll OF
that hy-blown galoot?" said the skipper
OF the Luly Alice. He is away 10 wind
ward of me now"
Isn't he working hard enOugh2" asked
Mr.. Bloke, the tourist
'Working" echoed Jute. with a sour
laugh oh, OF course. He whiteWashes
the anchors every forenoon and scrapes
It of after dinner. I'll soon get rich on
the proceeds OF his toll I don't think
Three months wages at SIS per month.
paid in advance to get that farmer on
board. I've disrated him to ships boy at
IS per month. This voyage VIII last about
four months. and he'll still owe me $5l.
And the gall OF him TO want oYeTalls, in
advance, too"
Lons after the captain had dispersed for
a round of moody reflections Mr. Bloke
sat under the poOpdeck awning and
watched T. Wilson toiIing at the bow.
Since the only agricultural asset, the pig
had passed away under the rigors Of the
scrubbing brush, 7. Wilson had done
nothing but decorate the rust-eaten an
chorS- The whitewash he daily spread on
and scraped of cost money, but Jute
didn't care for expense when he found
the work irked T. Wilson and weakened
his appetite. Willie's tender heart went
out IN sympathy to the suffering farmer
Why do they steal men for the sea?'
he asked the mate.
Becos sailors won't ship in some YES
sells; they know too much" answered
Billy. with a sly look at the tourist.
The Luly Alice must be one Of the
vessels, eh?"
I amt a saying so. am I? There is
vessels and vessels"
But what's the sense Of picking up
poor farmers and abusing them?"
Its not always them farmers" Bill
retorted, with some show Of irritation.
Sometimes we gets pianer tuners and
paperhangeTs, or maybe a real estate
agent. A regular lottery, it is. We don't
yearn for no farmer. but II he comes
along that is his lookout Once We had
d corpse brung over the side. and Jute
marked him down dead loss Another
time a vessel 1 was into shanghaied a
live Observation-Disclosures. he was. IN a
white choker."
Horrible said Mr. Bloke. DO you
mean to say those low creatures on the
water front got the preacher drunk and
enticed him to the ship"
i do not" said Bill. They treated him
proper, handsome, and genteel. The
crimps said a sailor wot belonged to the
same church was a-dying on the ship
and desired some last sad rites immedi-
ate. Nothing crooel in that, was there?
Seven months the preacher was away
shoveling guaner IN Peru. When he stow
ed the white choker and signed on with
a shovel you never seen such a change.
Il made a man of him. He was a
preacher I could admire complete Moth
ing fancy about his shoveling-just plain
and Vehement
son making impressionistic sketches in
whitewash on the starboard anchor.
But them farmers, he said, with an
The Washington herald., 1906-11-18
A French woman,s Rerenge.

Madame L. had a magnificent cat :
Mons. c. amused himself one day by kill
ing 1t, for want Of something else to
shoot
Madame D. caused to be set in her own
house. and in the houses of he.- friends
ell sorts et mouse traps; and when three
OF four hundred mice were caught. she
had them put into a box. which was for
warded 10 Madame c. at her country
house.
The lady eagerly opened the box her.
self, expecting 20 find in it some new
modes: the mice jumped out and present
" filed the house, while at the bottom
OF the box was found note directed to
Madame c: Madame, your husband has
killed my cat; send you my MICE
The Washington herald., 1906-11-18
4 Relative.
From Punch.

From Punch.
Old lady-Are you sure it is English
mutton?
her-Well-er-born in New Zea-
land. madam, but Of English parents.
The Washington herald., 1906-11-18
Change.

Thsrs's 50 much change in the weather
HoW 70 dress We sc2rco can tell,
But II there's much change IN pockets
The fashion viii suit me we'll
Montgomery AdTeEtissE.
Richmond planet. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1883-1938, 1906-06-09
TEMPERANCE HOTELS.
Becoming More Popular Every Year
and Are Making Money for
Their Owners.

In England and on the continent
the term Temperance Hotter ap-
pears very common in ali the large
cities. This shows a decided evolu-
tion of public sentiment not seen in
this country. The travelling public
demand homelike quietness in hotels,
which cannot be had where alcohol
is sold, and a public bar maintained
In this country a few small hotels
are advertised as temperance houses.
But with few exceptions they are
not attractive in many ways. whether
this is the fault Of the MANAGERS OF
the public. it is not clear.
In London and many of the great
continental cities there are hotels
where alcohol is not sold. and they
publicly appeal for patronage for
this reason. Most OF these hotels are
crowded with persons who appreciate
the comfort of a total abstinent at
mosphere.
Richmond planet. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1883-1938, 1906-06-09
In the Nets of Louhi


Ing en- the ground as she walked
By the time the end OF the forest
came In sight she had made up her
mind. The trees had said "Our scent
shall be about thee" and II was clear
that this was most effectual protec
ton. So she picked up as many OF the
fallen pine needles rs she could and
filed all her pockets as well as little
bag she carried. Then she smeared
her dress with the sap which was ooz-
ing out of some OF the trees. and thus
armed she left the shelter OF the trees
and saw the sun shining on the waters
of large and beautiful lake. In which
were q number of Islands.
Rounding the corner OF n slope, she
came suddenly upon a group of gnomes
armed with spears tipped with the
sharp bones Of the pike They were
so hideous that she would have been
glad TO run away. but they leveled
their spears and rushed toward her.
To her JOY. as soon as they were near
enough 10 smell the scent OF the pines
they ran away. bowling fearfully. and
disappeared into the hillside
On the edge OF the lake she espied
traces of n boat having been pushed
OFF. so she launched her piece OF birch
bark once more and sailed from one
Island TO another. finding ON each some
broken twig or other token that Osmo
had been there before her. At last she
landed at the Ear side OF the lake
There. at the very shore. apparently
waiting for her. sat squirrel. who
looked at her saucily aud observed
coolly:
you had better take me with you. ]
may be OF use later on"
She stopped to pick him up, but be
fore she could do so he had leaped on
her shoulder crying. Hasten
She hurried on for a few steps and
then stopped breathless with fear. for
Richmond planet. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1883-1938, 1906-06-09

she heard the long drawn nowT OF II
wolf. The scent OF the pines had left
her now, and unless she could reach
the shelter OF some trees she could see
In the distance she was lost.
Nearer and nearer came the wolf.
and faster and faster ran Helmi. She
Just succeeded IN reaching the wood
as the pursuer came up. and she drop
ped on the ground exhausted. The
breeze swept softly round her, and the
trees murmured Joyously, safe, safe
Under our care" SO the wolf turned
away disappointed.
This wood was but small, and when
HeImi was halfway through it she
heard voice calling: Help. Helpr'
The voice was Osmo's, and she ran
on as fast as she could and presently
found him. lying out IN the burning
sun, bound hand and foot I'm a net
With trembling eagerness Helmi fell
upon the knots. but they were SO in
tricate that she despaired of freeing
her brother before shutdown, when, he
said, Louhi was coming to fetch him
and carry him away to Pohjola. IN the
ltOltu nOIln.
The squirrel soon showed her a bet
ter way, for he set TO work with his
sharp little teeth and gnawed the cord
Ia so many places that even Louhi
would have some trouble In mending
II. Helmi took her scissors and cut
desperately, too. and at last Osmo was
free. but by this time Louhrs great
wings were making waves in the air
above them.
"Quick, Osmol Get into the wood.'
Osmo did his best. but his feet were
numbed from the cords. and IL was
only with Helmi's aid that he was able
TO reach the wood. When the wicked
one reached the spot her victim was
gone and beyond her reach. Scream
ing with bGfied rage. Louhi few back
to her own desolate regions. and the
children went their way home IN peace
Boston Herald.
Richmond planet. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1883-1938, 1906-06-09
T was summer In Finland, and
Osmo and Helmi. although they
We're orphans and had TO work

VT was summer In Finland, and
Osmo and Helmi, although they
were orphans and had to work
hard for their living. enjoyed it
thoroughly. The long days to which
there was hardly any night were just
what they wanted to get In their scan
~ crop Of hay. and when Osmo went
away for a days fishing II did not
matter what time he came back.
SO for a time ali went well with
them. But IL Glanced that Osmo went
fishing one day in distant stream and
did not return. The short twilight
passed, another day dawned. but still
be did not come. aud Helmi waited
with ever growing anxiety for his ap-
pearance
While she wondered and considered
what she had better do. Heinz was not
Idle. She sat outside the hut I'm the
Tong. light evening. as her mother and
grandmother had done. with her spin
ming wheel. and suddenly she heard a
cuckoo calling. She looked up and
saw the bird flying 10 and fro, coming
ever nearer. Hardly knowing what
she did. she called out 10 him:
Cuckoo. I would thou couldst tell
me what has become of my brotherg'
The cuckoo alighted on the roof OF
the house aud said:
"Osmo is entangled in the nets Of
Louhi the Enchantress. II thou wouldst
see him again thou must seek him
without delay"
Helmi did not burst into tears or ex-
claim or wiring her hands. She only
sat very still thinking. When she had
arranged her plans to her satisfaction.
she put away her work carefully. took
some bread and came out OF the cot
tage, locking the door behind her and
hanging the key on a nail close by.
Then she started on her journey.
She knew the way TO the river where
Osmo usually went to fish. II she did
Richmond planet. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1883-1938, 1906-06-09

nicotine poison in the youth is 10 arrest
development. IL Is fatal TO all normal
functions. IL blsghts and blasts both
health and morals. 1t not only ruins
the faculties. but IL unbaiances the
mind, as we'll Many of the most pitia-
bic cases of insanity in our asylums are
cigarette feDds- II creates abnormal
appetites, strange. underlined longings.
discomfort. uneasiness. nervousness. fr-
ritability. and. I'm many. an almost ir-
resistible inclination TO crime. In fact.
the moral depravity which follows the
cigarette habit is something frightful.
Lying. cheating. impu-ity. loss OF moral
courage and manhood. a complete drop
ping of LIES standards all along the
lines, are its general results.
A chemist. not long since, took the
tobacco used in an average cigarette
and soaked IL in several teaspoonfuls
OF water and then injected a portion Of
IL under the skin of a cat. The cat al
most Immediately went into convul-
si0ns. and died in 10 minutes. Dogs
have been killed with single drop Of
nicotine
Cigarette smoking is no longer sim
ply moral question. The great bust
ness world has taken IL up as a deadly
enemy OF Advancement, OF achievement.
Leading business firms all over the
country have put the cigarette on the
prohibited list. In Detroit alone. 90
merchants have agreed not to employ
the cigarette user. In Chicago, Mont
gomery Ward & Co. Hubbard. Spencer
& Bartlett, and some of the other large
concerns have prohibited cigarette
smoking among all employees under is
years of age. Marshall Field & Co. and
the Morgan & Wright Tire company
have this rule: NO cigarettes can be
smoked by our employees" One of the
questions on the application blanks at
Wanamaker's reads: DO you use to-
bacco or cigarettes?"
The superintendent OF the Lindel
Street railway OF St. Louis says: I'm
der no circumstances will / hire a man
who smokes cigarettes. He is as dan
gerous on the front OF a motor as a man
who drinks In fact. he is more danger
Gus; his nerves are apt TO give way at
any moment. II I find a car running
badly. I Immediately begin TO investi-
gate 10 find if the man smokes cigar
cites. Nine times out of ten he does,
Richmond planet. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1883-1938, 1906-06-09
INFLUENCE OF CIGARETTE.
A Certain Bar to the Success Of ANY
Young Men in the Business
World.

I leave it TO others 10 discuss the
moral side OF cigarette smoking. de-
nounce IL simply because of it's blight
ing. blasting effect upon ones success
in life; because Il draws on the energy,
saps the vitality and force which ought
10 be made TO tell-fn ones career; be-
cause IL blunts the sensibilities and
deadens the thinking faculties; because
IT kills the ambition and the finer in
stincts. and the more delicate aspira-
lions and perceptions; because IL de-
stroys the ability 10 concentrate the
mind, which is the secret Of all achieve
ment.
The whole tendency OF the cigarette
Richmond planet. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1883-1938, 1906-06-09

not and him there she must be guided
by circumstances as to her next step.
The way was long. but HelmI was
strong and enduring and took little
heed 10 the difficulties OF the road.
When she reached the river she saw
Osmo's rod and line lying on the bank.
with one or two fish in his basket. She
called out:
"Oh, river. what hast thou done with
my brother?"
But the river answered:
Thy brother Is not with me- Thou
must seek further"
Helmi saw she must cross the river.
but she had no boat. That. however.
mattered little. 1t was not long before
she had stripped off a piece of birch
bark. She laid II gently on the water.
saying:
Bear me safely across. dear birch,
that l may find Osmo." She stepped
into her canoe and was swiftly borne
TO the other side. AS she sprang on
shore the bark called 10 her:
Leave me not behind, maiden.
may serve thee yet"
SO she rolled up the bark and carried
IL away. Soon she came TO the edge OF
a pine forest II was very dark and
gloomy. for the sun had disappeared
and twilight was settling down. She
had heard dreadful tales Of the strange
creatures inhabiting the forest and was
very unwilling 10 enter IL. but she saw
Osmo's footsteps among the pine
needles at her feet and went boldly on
No sooner was she fairly within their
shadow than the trees, which usually
stood up so straight and stiff, bent to-
ward her, signing:
Fear not. maiden; we take thee un-
der our protection. So long as our
scent is about thee thou art safe"
After travelling until IL was nearly
daylight again Helmi grew so tired
and hungry that she was obliged to sit
down and eat some Of her black bread
There was a strange rumbling and
grumblng sound going on all the time,
and, after listening very carefully. Hell
mi felt sure IL came from under the
ground. SO she laid her ear to the
ground that she might, II possible. find
out what II was. At first she could
only hear confused noise, as If many
people were speaking at once. but pres
emily she heard voice say:
lit is all very fine to say we must
DO this or that. but tell you the pines
have taken her under their protection.
and until she Is out of the forest we
are helpless"
Then" said another voice decidedly,
Eve must attack her as soon as she is
out OF the forest"
So these were the gnomes. or ko-
holds. who dwelt In the earth and
served LouhI the Enchantress. thought
Heimi. She must be very careful
what she did. for IL she were delayed
on her way she might never see Osmo
again. She started once more. look
Richmond planet. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1883-1938, 1906-06-09

among the many bearing witness Of its genuine qualities We
ration natural and the ingredients which
Government placed national preparation by
method sands edealn0