Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1906-05-26
SOME QUEER DIETS

1t was pretty hot In the quick lunch room
Nevertheless the proprietor OF the placs
shuddered and bestowed a gaze Of reproach
upon the broad back of a man who had
just picked up number Of dishes Of food
from the various counters and was weaving
his way through the crowd toward a table
with dishes skilifuily balanced In his two
hands, as a vaudeville juggler picks his way
across stage filed with paraphernalia-
Did you notice what that man took with
him to eat?" the proprietor whispered,
awesomely. to friend standing at the pay
desk. "A bowl of milk. plate OF SLICED
cucumbers, two deviled crabs. and a slab of
strawberry shortcahe," groaned the quick
lunch proprietor. Wouldn't that make you
think Of tablets. and mtddle-of-the-night
heartburn, and that cerise taste in the face.
and things like that? Wouldn't 1t seasick
your" and the proprietor, who has to be
careful with himself on account of dyspep-
STA, pulled tiny bottle of pellets out OF
his pocket and swallowed few of them.
How would you like" he went on. ito
play combination like that, at, say 500 to
SEQ to l that you'd be on your way to
Oak Hill in one of the tasseled slow buses
inside of ten hours after macerating
lunch like that-milk, cucumbers. crabs and
shortcake?
Regular thing with that man, too. those
eating stunts. When he first came in here
it was during the first hot spell-and grab
bed off that assortment of dainties staked
him to my benevolent grin.
On bet, hey?' I said to him.
" Hey? said he. looking at me without a
blink.
You bet the man, suppose said I.
that the Washington club 'ud win seven
straight games. or something like that?'
He rested his bunch of crabs and Gu
cumbers and his bowl of milk and his slab
of shortcake on the counter and looked me
over carefully.
Say he said then, 'whatchoe handin'
me?'
''Then got down to the primer patois
and told him how weird that combination
OF his looked to man with weak stom-
ach, as mine was.
oh. that's what you're getting at. hey:'
said he Well, that's nothing Y'ought
to've seen my dad. He used to smoke
clay pipe and eat buttered hot gingerbread
at the same time. He could stick a quart
OF umcracked walnuts in his face and whis-
tie Down in a Coal Mine and eat hot
flannel cakes in the other side of his face
all at the same time
That. of course, let him out. But, all
the same. Kept an eye on him, and / look
ed up in the telephone book the number of
the nearest ambulance hospital, for / hate
to have EN- die In here. But he went
right ahead, looking cheerful. and he got
another plate of cucumbers before he got
enough to feel right. And after that he
pranced up to the dessert stand and COPIED
off lump of cold mince pie and a tall
glass of iced coffee to go with It,
That settled it. l handed the keys over
to the girl at the desk and went out to
take twist or SO down the street and
around the block to get the air and walk
it off. couldn't stand it. Il suffered VII
cariously for that man.
Hes been back every weekday since
then, and that's about his regular monday
bite. He's come to be one of my show
pieces. He's Fig. in the whole wax
And yet there are others. See that lit
tie man with the white siders and the pink
cneekS over yonder at the corner table .
NOW, what do you suppose his regular win
Ter ana summer high-noon rejection is and
has been ever since I've been here? A
plate of bread and butter, a large, dripping
dill pickle, and a cup of cocoa, Saw,
wouldn't that make a seventeenth century
new England pieface turn green around the
eyesI Every weekday of the year that old
boy with the white spinach on the sides of
MS map commits that kind of an assault
and battery on his midriff-and just look at
him! Cheeks as pink as a just-swabbed
baby's, eyes as clear as filtered water and
more hair on the top of his head than I've
got, although he's about twice as old as
I am!
For sixteen years. he told me the other
day, he hasn't known what it meant to feel
even a little bit sick. That's the way it
goes with the majority of these cormorants
The tougher the kind of conglomerations
Ter they loog. But they're probably born
that way.
when it comes to that, probably the
majority Of the men who come In here for
lunch seem to just try to loop-the-loop with
their digestive apparatus. The fellow who
said that this was nation of dyspeptics
didn't know what he was spoutng about.
It's a nation of boa constructors that 8
what 1t Is. Let me tell you about a python
who nudged in here just before the noon
hour about a month ago.
HE was a man of about forty, and a $50
FOUNDER at least He was a smooth-faced
good-natnred-loohing man. and you'd about
have sized hira up. as | did, for pretty
good story teller around a table at an Elks'
convention
Got any pigs feet? he asked me when
he fell in.
81 pointed out the pigs feet to him. He
grabbed off a plate of the things. and the
boy drew him q tumbler of pure cream and
he went through two orders of the same in
something less than four minutes. Then he
began to go up and down the line at the
steam table. He took plate of chicken
pie, two plates of corned beef hash with
poached eggs, and got away with those,
with bread trimmings, in about five min
utes. Then he had an order of roe shad
and one of beef stew. Then he put away
three chicken sandwiches. with a glass of
iced tea to do the chasing. He wound up
with two chocolate eciairs, a hunk OF cocoa
nut pie and cup of hot coffee. Fact.
Honest Iniun. Cross m heart. I've got 1t
behind the counter here will bear me out
with the sworn statement If necessary.
''And when this python walked UP to the
desk To pay up, l said to him:
Got enough to stay you for the after
noon, dye think?
"'Oh, $3.50 he replied. There's many a
man could ha' made a sure-enough lunch
off little snack like that and he shot me
the funny look out of the tail OF his eye.
81 don't know whether he was stringing
me or not, but l suppose he was. Anyhow.
he's at the top of the class A crowd, so far
as the record for heavyweight liftlng-in
goes around these works, and | guess that
notch won't be beaten for some time.
PLENTY of the men who come in here are
there with the faddiness when 1t comes to
the eating question. There's one man who.
on the very hottest days, gulps down three
cups of boiling hot tea In quick succession.
while ago I asked him his idea. and he
looked at me as if he thought was dippy.
why said he, / thought everybody
knew about that scheme! l drink hot tea
on a hot day to cool myself off, and then
he plunged into long scientific spiel about
how that was-something about hot air and
evaporation and south wlnd-aI too deep
for me.
And yet, all the time he was talking
II was after he'd got away with his three
cups of tea-the sweat was more than drip
ping from his face, and he the most
caforic-looking individual within eight
| blocks. But he had his little theory down