The Yale expositor., 1906-07-06

Buncn nad 10 rail- Tor the Splel ana
loaned him the Bubble forthwith.
Ten minutes later we were so busy
listening TO the sure-things falling
from the eager tongues Of the various
friends we met that we quite forgot all
about Flash and the busy barouche.
The first cinch-builder we fell over
was Harry McDonough, the inventor Of
the stingless mosquito now in use on
his Jersey farm.
Harry has the mosquito game Gown
SO fine that he's going to take a double
sextette of them into vaudeville next
season.
He has trained these twelve skeets
to sing "Zobia Grassa," and Al Hol-
brook has promised TO teacn then a
Venetian dance.
Harry offered us four winners in the
first race and two cigars.
He told us if we lost to smoke the
cigars carefully and we'd forget our
troubles and our names; but if we won
we could use the cigars as firecrackers.
Then we ran across jeff D'Angelis,
the composer of the new tune now
played on the automobile horns.
Jeff hadn't picked out horse to win
any race because his loyalty to sneeze-
wagons Is so intense that he won't
even drink a horses neck.
He explained that he only came to
the race track to show the horses his
oke-buggy and make them shivcr.
George Yates, the inventor of the
machinery for removing sunburn from
pickles, was there and he tried to pre-
sent us with sure winner in the third
race.
A little later on we discovered that
the horse Yates was doing rave over
had been dead for four years and that
the card from which he was lifting his
dope was the programme of the meet
at Sheepshead in 1896.
Some kind and thoughtful stranger
had lifted fifty cents from Georges
surplus and in return had stung him
with an ancient echo of the pittypats.
Our next adventure was with Joe
Miron, the famous horse trainer and
inventor of the only blue mare in cap
tivity at Elmhurst.
Say, why didn't | see you guys be-
fore the first race; had plush-cov
cred pipe!' yelled Joe.
81 had that race beat TO a stage
wait" Joe went on, enthusiastically.
why, all you had to do was play
The Goblin Man to win and Muir
derallo' for a place-it was just like
getting money from the patent medi-
cine business.
How much did you win, Joe?" in
quired.
! who. mel" Joe came back. "Why
didn't get here in time to place bet
1 drove over from Elmhurst and the
! blue mare burst a tire. But, say, I've
got a mothers darling in the third
race. Oh it's a ladybug for certain!
/ You guys play Perhaps to win and
you'll go home looking like Pierp
/ Morgan after a busy day. 1t can't
lose. this clam can't, Say. that horse
1 Perhaps wears goldplated overshoes
and il can kick more track behind 1t
than any ostrich you ever see! Why,
it's got ball-bearing castors on the
/ feet and il wears a naphtha engine
in the forward turret. Get reckless
with the coin. boys, and go the limit,
and IL the track happens to cave in
and il does lose, I'll drag you down
10 Elmhurst behind the blue mare and
make the suction pump in the back
ward do an imitation of Walter Jones
singing Captain Kidd with the bum
pipes"
Joe was so much in earnest about
it that Bunch and | put up fifty on
Perhaps" and waited.
We are still waiting.
perhaps" may have been a good
horse but he had a bad memory and
never could recollect which end OF the
track was the proper place to finish.
Joe must have left for Elmhurst i'm.
mediately after the race because he
failed to answer roll call.
Then we ran across Dave Terrence,
the famous inventor OF the disappear
ing trump so much used by pinochle
players.
When Dave began to dope 'em out
for us Bunch and hid our pocket
books in our shoes.
There were tears IN Bunchs eyes,
but was busy looking for a rock.
Here's a good one" Dave suggest.
er: listen to this one, Easy Money
out of Life Insurance by Director.
And here's a good one. Chauffeur out
of Automobile by Policeman do
you care for those?"
Here are some more peacherinos.
Dave went on, relentlessly, here is
Golf Player out of Business by
MOSQUITO. and here's another good
one. Eternal Daylights' ont of Rus
STA by 'Japan'-liEe emp
Bunch and handed Dave the re
proachful face and fed for our lives.
Then we got down TO business and
began 20 lose our money with more
system and less noise.
/