Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1906-01-25
THE WILL OF UNCLE EPH.

| 1t down the middle with MS tnumD
and sent the peas rattling into pan
between his knees then he took his
pipe from his mouth and yawned
broadly.
"Slow job, this shellin peas, amt
it?"
EYES," said l. II often wonder
that no one has invented way Of
Smelling them by machinery
Invention |" he snorted. Don't
ever say invention to me again. |
wish every feIler that ever invented
anything was hung"
l was much surprised and aeked
him to explain. After some coaxing
Mr.. Ovens complied with my wish,
and began:
Yer never seed Maria's (my wife's)
Uncle Ephum, did yer? No? Well,
the old man was queer un, | tell yer.
Richer'n the Steel Trnst, he was had
thirty acres er 'op gardens and a fish
wier and a quarter interest in mack
erel boat, besides lot of cash in the
bank. Maria and her first cousin,
Siddie, was the only near relations he
had after his wife, Ant Oliudy that
was dead.
Well, Siddie and her old man and
Maria and me fggered considerable
on the old mans money and who was
agoin' to get it when the old man
pegged out. Siddie and her tribe
wasn't oD speakin' terms with me and
Maria, OWN to letter squabble We
had over a dog he owned that bit my
brindle heifer and scarf her so she run
onto the railroad track and got made
into hash by the up train. There was
a lawsuit and one thing er another ter
add ter the general good feelin' be-
sides.
So me and Maria guessed that none
of the money was goin' to Siddie, and
Siddie said the came thing about u.s.
Uncle Eph was kinder impartial, as
yer might say. One spell he'd be fer
us and have his will fixed so as we
could get everything, and the next
thing he would twist around and leave
it all to t'other side of the fence.
Fust OF all ne came and lived with
us, and he was trial and no mistake,
cross-grained and fussy and so deef
that cannon might have gone of by |
his ear and all he'd say would be:
What? Why don't you speak louder?"
Men Maria put up with it as best
we could and never gave him any back
answer, and did our best to please
him, KNOWN quite well that the meek
inherit the earth.
But he overdone it. He was dread |
full fussy about his eatin and one time
he took a notion for gooseberry pie.
Nothiu' would do but he must have
gooseberry pie. So Maria she cooked
big one and he ct most the whole Of
it and was awful sick, and swore we
tried to poison him. He had his will
changed, leaving everything to Siddie
and went off and lived with her and |
her old man for most a year.
We was purity down in the mouth |
but everything comes to him who |!
waits, but bimeby he had a row with |
Siddie that beat the one he had with |
US all to pieces. Yer see, Siddies old /,
man is an inventor. Up to that time
nothin' had been invented worth
a cent, but he kept at it just the sa ame,
persistent as hen that wants to set.
Well, Uncle Eph took notions over
there. same as he had done with us.
and it came about that he thought the
flies was pesterin' him at night arter
he'd gone to bed. Seems as twas Oc-
tober; l guess the flies was mainly
imagination, but he said there was
million of EN- round him every night
and that he couldn't get a wink of
sleep.
So Siddie's old man went to work
and invented a machine for driving
away the flies. He argued that if
you were campin' out, or 6shin', or
anything where there was lots OF flies
that they'd bite like everything when
it was calm, bat if breeze came up
they would all go of. So he rigged
up coutrivance to hang over Uncle
Eph's piller and could be raised or
lowered and pulled up by string to
stait it goin.' There vas windmill
on the roof that was connected with it