The Topeka state journal., 1905-12-24


A troubled evening had years ago
was when accompanied a young
widow lady to a musical 'At Home
given by a lady who had more ac-
quaintances than she knew My friend
spoke first. "Say, Mrs. Dash" The
butler did not wait for more but
shouted out: "Mr. and Mrs. Dash!''
kept it, cried our hostess. delighted
DO let me congratulate you - The
crush was too great and our hostess
too distra acted at the moment for any
explanations We were swept away;
and both of US spent the remainder OF
the evening feebly protesting our sin
/ gleness. If it had happened on the
! stage it would have taken US the whole
play to get out of it. Stage people are
not allowed to pTt things right when
| mistakes are made with their identity
| If the light comedian is expecting a
plumber, the first man that comes into
the drawing room has got to be a
plumber. He is not allowed to point
out that he never was a plumber; that
he doesn't look like a plumber; that no
one, not a blithering idiot, would mis-
take him for a plumber. He has got to
be shut up in the bath room and have
water poured over him just as if he
were a plumb ber-a stage plumber, that
is. Not till right at the end of the last
act is he permitted to remark that he
happens to be the new curate- sat out
a play once at which more people laugh
ed. 1t made me sad. A dear old lady
entered toward the end of the first act.
We knew she was somebody's aunt
Nobody can possibly mistake the stage
aunt-except the people on the stage
They, of course. mistook her for cir
Gus rider, and shut her up in a cup
board. It is what cupboards seem to
be reserved for on the stage. Nothing
is ever put in them except the hero's
4 relations. When she wasn't in a cup
board she was in a clothes basket OF
4=- -Fs,f A Oh 17sz~r
done was to hold on to something while
she said to the hero: ''If you'll stop
shouting and jumping about for just
ten seconds and give me chance to
observe that am your maiden aunt
from Devonshire, all this tomfOolery
can be avoided" That would have
ended it. AS a matter Of fact. that is
what did end it, at five minutes past
eleven. It never occurred to her to say
it before.
In real life I never knew but one case
where a man suffered in silence-un-
{ pleasantness he could have ended with
a word-and that was the case Of the
late Corney Grain. He had been en-
gagged to give his entertainment at a
country house. The lady was a nou-
velle richie of snobbish instincts. She
left instructions that Corney Grain
when he arrived was to dine with the
Il servants. The butler, who knew bet
ter, apologized, but Corney was a man
not easily disconnected. He dined well
and after dinner. rose and addressed
the assembled company. "WeH, now
my friends said Corney, IF we have ali
finished, and if you are all agreea Bile,
shall be pleased to present to you my
little show" The servants cheered
The piano was dispensed with. Cor
ney contrfved to amuse his audience
very well for half an hour without it
7 At ten o'clock came down message
would Mr.. Corney Grain kindly come
up into the drawing room? Corney
went. The company in the drawing
room were waiting seated. eve are
quite ready Mr.. Grain,'' remarked the
: hostess. Ready for what?' demand
ed Corney. For your entertainment, .
answered the hostess. but I've given
: It already. explained Corney; sand my