The Democratic advocate. [volume] (Westminster, Md.) 1865-1972, 1905-12-30
LAUGH AND GROW FAT.
VALUED HIS BRIDE HIGHLY.

eral donation, said the Rev. G. p. Smith,
pastor of the North Side Christian Church
in Kansas City, Kan, "and we often have
some amusing experiences in connection
with the matter.
II remember one instance about 10
years ago, when 1 was preaching at Walla
Walla, Wash. There was no negro
preacher in town, and | was often called
upon to perform a ceremony between ne
groes. One afternoon, after | had mar
ried young negro couple, the groom asked
me what was the price of the service.
'Oh, well, said l, you can pay me
whatever you think it is worth to you
The negro turned and silently looked
his bride over from head to foot, then
slowly rolling up the whites of his eyes to
me, said:
Lawd, sab, you has done ruined me
for life "
A DIFFICULT STORY TO READ.
A sleeper is one who sleeps. A sleeper
is that in which the sleeper sleeps. A
sleeper is that on which the sleeper which
carries the sleeper while he sleeps, runs.
Therefore while the sleeper sleeps in the
sleeper the sleeper carries the sleeper over
the sleeper under the sleeper until the
sleeper which carries the sleeper jumps off
the sleeper and wakes the sleeper in the
sleeper by striking the sleeper under the
sleeper, and there is no longer any sleeper
sleeping in the sleeper on the sleeper
A NUMERICAL MISTAKE.
''Private' John Allen tells us of an old
time politician of Mississippi who was
making personal canvass of his territory,
says the Woman Home Companion.
Zone day" relates Mr.. Allen, ''the
stateman was doing the southern portion
of the State. Suddenly he struck com
munity that appeared fairly a-swarm with
children. Never had he seen so many
little ones in so small a place. Clustered
about one doorway were some fourteen tots
of various ages. In their midst stood an
extremely good looking young woman.
" Madam, said the politician, with a
gallant bow, you must permit me to kiss
these charming little ones.
s'The woman merely smiled
CATER he had affectionately saluted
each of them, he asked, with a genial
smile : 'All yours?'
The young woman blushed.
'The statesman, with another bow,
then said /: Il trust, madam, that | may
further trespass upon your good nature by
asking that you will be so good as to in
form your husband that Col. -, candi
date for congress from this district, called
upon him this afternoon. 20.
"'Pardon me, gasped the woman, 'but
| have no husband -
'' But these children, madamr ex
claimed the astonished statesman. "Yor
are not widow?''
d" 'Oh, no, sirr was the reply 'Thi
is an orphan asylum. "
SHE is FULL BLOOD.
Not long ago a German gardener, who
lives couple of miles south of Baltimore
bought COW which, the seller told him
was full -blooded Jersey. Last week the
COW strayed away from her owners pasture
and was lost The next day the following
sign was nailed to tree near the garden
ers home
''Lost-From the pasture away. Vor
Chersey COW, full of blood. Revart shall
be paid. Fritz. -
HIS IDEA OF GAS.
An Irishman who was tortured with
toothache walked into dentists surgery
one evening and inquired of the extractor
of molars 'How much do yez charge for
pullin' out wan tooth?''
Gone shilling; five shillings with gas, y
replied the expert on worries.
Give shillin's with gasr' gasped Pat.
s'Beggorrah, then, I'll come round again
early in the mornin' when it's daylight. -
IN A MILLIoNAIRES' POKER GAME.
''ln the famous Silver Bow Club, in
Helena, they used to play big poker, -
said Artemus I. Litchfeld, of Canada.
cat the game one day sat Marcus DAILY,
Senator Hearst and J. B. Haggin, when
there burst in radiant New York drum
mer, who had a two-weeks card to the in
stitution. He marched up to the players
and politely asked if he might take hand.
why, yes, come right in said Daily.
"The drummer pulled out roll of bills
and threw hundred dollar note down on
the table Let me have chips for that,
he said gravely. He went to hang up his
coat and hat When he returned the bill
still lay on the table.
{" Whats the matter, gentlemen?' the
travelling man haughtily required?'' 'ain t
my money good?'
{" Why, to be sure, said DAILY
Hearst, give the gentleman one white
chip. "
A learned clergyman was talking with
an illiterate preacher who professed to de-
spise education.
''You have been to college, Isuppose?"
asked the latter.
II have, sir, was the curt answer
Il am thankful" said the ignorant
one, "that the Lord has opened my mouth
to preach without learning
GA similar event occurred in Balaam' s
time" was the retort.
"Now, yo' lookey heah, yo' George,
doan' yo' fall down an break dem aigs." "
81 couldn't break um nohow. Dey is
Plymouth Rock aigs, dey is
"Well, Mary, I had another proposal
last night. ''It must be nice to have
money"
What are you plunging back in the
water for, Pat? You just swan ashore. -
"Shure, Oh had to save meself first; now
Oh m going back to fetch Moike."
"What is a counterirritant?' asked
Mrs. Smithers. GA counterirritant, re-
piled Smithers, ''is woman who makes
the clerk pull down everything from the
shelves for two hours and then buys -four
cents worth Of hairpins.
"Say, doc, do you think 1 ought to give
up smoking?'
"Well, yes, [ think it would be good
thing for you to do that, at least until you
faol obla 80 ,no,, 49,,