Mexico Missouri message., 1905-04-06
TALKATIVE GHOST.
BY MAX ADELER.

! said the clergyman to the sexton, thal
you actually saw and conversed with .
ghost in our parish graveyard"
Yes, sir" answered the sexton, IN
tell you how 1t was. You know, on Sat.
lrday night, about IL o'clock, thought
I'd go into the church and put coal on
the fires. When got in the yard saw
Somethin' white a-settin' on Bakers
family vault. My hair began to raise,
/ and | was for striking out homeward,
when | heard voice say:
Hello, Jim, don't be skeered'
so l stopped and saw the thing get
up and come toward me-"
Spoke to you, did it?'
Yes, sir. saw right OFF it was q
genuine ghost. And 1t says:
Say, old fellow, don't run; shan't
burt you. Let's set down and have q
little chat
And so we sat down on the front
Steps and ! saw that shaddery bein'
cross his legs and lock his fingers over
one knee as comfortable as you would
do. sat down, too, and the ghost he
says:
Jim, what makes you people so
afeared Of us gobllns?
And l said because there was some
thing awful about EN-. And then he
says
We'll, Jim, you take your umbrella
and poke me in the middle
so did, and It went right through
him. Then he says:
Now stir It around in me-
And | stirred It."
There says be, don't you see?
How'm | goin' to hurt anybody? Why,
Jim. I'm nothing but little bit Of car
bonic acid gas. II you was to put me
In front of a chimney with a strong draft
I'd be sucked up the fiue. Hurt you!
Why, Jim, it's rldlculousi'
That's what that disembodied spirit
observed to me-"
Said that, did he2"
Yes, sir; and he says to me:
Jim, other ghosts try TO skeer peo-
pie, but I'm sociable, and I'm strikin'
out on new line. II you'll prowl
around this graveyard almost any night
III post you about COINS on In the COB
lin world, and II you bring over check
erboard some evenin', I'll play a game
II you'll make the moves for me-
so said would, and says he:
Jim, do you smoker
And | said did.
"'Ah,' says he, with a sigh, I wish
could! That's the worst of bein'
Oothin' but a lot of vapory gas; you
can't hold cigar in your mouth
Are you sure he said that Mr..
Graves" asked the minister.
positive! And when asked him
where his old body was, he says:
Jim, it was buried over In yon cor
ucr; but it's all been taken up into that
maple tree long ago. JIM he says.
that tree is really me, and l can't tell
You the satisfaction | get sometimes
n Climbin' up it and roostin' on the
branches. feel somehow's II was at
home. Jim, If ever you cut down that
tree, don't burn the timber! have a
sort of horror of bein' used for kindlin'
wood And told him I'd protect him
from that"
you said, l think" remarked the
minister, that he seemed to have some
thing on his mind. A crime that he had
committed?"
"Oh, no. He merely remarks to me!
Jim, | want you to apologize to the
preacher for me for dying in cold wealth
er and maxim him ketch rheumatism at
the funeral. Td,put It off till spring II
I'd had my way. And tell him hope
his Consciencell never reprove him for
all the good things he said about me in
ais sermon. There wasn't one Of 'em
true; but he meant we'll, Jim, and APP
preciated It. Words to that effect he
used, sir"
Anything else2"
"N-n-no, sir. believe not. Oh, yesl
he did say before he fitted on: Jim,
must go now. have an engagement up
the street TO haunt an undertaken. Jim,
go into that rascal's room every night,
and rattle things around until his blood
:urdles. Know why? Why, Jim, that
man was paid for silver-plated handles
on my coffin, and he put nothin' but
zinc, and the coffin itself was made OF old
boards taken from chicken coop that
lie bought at auction. They were COW
cred up with cloth, SOS nobody could
see 'em. Perfectly scandalous! But II
{ don't give him 800 Nightmares every
year, I'm no honest goblin Then he
got up and faded away, and that was all,
sir"
The clergyman walked sadly away,
and on the following Tuesday the church
trustees discharged Mr. Graves for
drunkenness and mendacity.-N. Y.
Weekly.