Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1905-04-06
HELPING LITTLE DAN
CUPID IN HIS WORK
The Old Fashioned Methods OF
Love Making Are Nc
Longer in Use.
a FAIR "coeD's" OPINION
Any Bright Young Man Can Teach !,
Girl More in a Half Hour Than
She Can Learn from Books
in a Month.

! Washington Times: when 1t
comes to knowing how to put up all at
tractive line of advertising. the hustling
west has got the effete east skinned to
finish" remarked the bookkeeper.
They sure do know how to put the
best foot foremost" agreed the stem
ographer; but what's up now"
The University of Chicago" replied
the bookkeeper. has doped out a little
plan for corraling all of the college
girls that is going to be sure winner.
and look to sec it put 1t over Vassar
and Bryn Mawr and Smith and the
balance Of the spinster factories in a
way that will make them look like
two-spots. Itll be Chicago for all the
NAMES and Sadies and Carries who
are hungerng and thirSting for knowl-
edge"
How do you figure that out?" in
quired the stenographer.
Simply this" replied the book
keeper. The University of Chicago
has gathered together a matrimonial
library of LOO volumes that contains
the whole science or love making. 1t
goes back to the time when Adam told
Eve she was IT in the garden of Eden,
and comes down TO Mrs. ELLA Wheeler
Wilcox and Beatrice Fairfax, and fur
nishes a complete diagram of how to
play the game and take every trick"
And yet exclaimed the stenogra-
pher, there are those who doubt the
benefit of the higher education for
women!"
The young certainly do have advan-
tages these days." said the bookkeep-
er, regretfully.
That's right" assented the stenog-
raphe". But I'm wise that the book
theories about love won't work out in
real life. It's one of the games you
can't play according to HOyle, because
there are no rules to III. and the less
you know about it the more apt you
are to Win"
How do you know?" inquired the
bookkeeper.
"Oh. I've tried most Of the receipts
for catching husband answered the
stenographer, land the sure things that
1 haven't tried, my friends have. SO
have qualified as an expert. Now, I
started out when / was young girl to
play coyness right across the board.
You know how the sentimental sooth-
sayers tout the man-iS the ursuer and
woman-the- pursued-theory, and that IL
a woman will only run away from
man he will break his neck sprinting
after ner?
well, 1 put up bluff at indiffer-
ence that was so good that nobody had
the nerve to call me. adopted such
a naughty, frgid, touch-me-not air
that it gave every man that came near
u,
tip.
Then I took another peep into the
dream book, and the oracle put it to
me that the way to attract the opposite
sex was for a woman to be vivaciouS,
entertaining and amusing; so l went
about chattering and giggling and
wiggling in an excess of childish exur-
berance and joy that was simply too
young and gushing for anything, and
that wore me to FRAGILE.
But there was nothing doing. I
heard that one man said that the ST.
Nitus' dance didn't make any hit with
him as a feminine charm, and so cut
the cards again and dealt myself out q
new hand. and went in for domesticity.
According to the books that ought
to have been Il clnch, but 1t wasn't.
Abstractly there Is nothing a man adj
mires so much as the dear little girl
that stays at home and helps mother,
and who spends her time darning
stockings and making bread, but, as a
matter of fact when a man wants to
hold a girls hand he picks out one
that is nice and soft and squeeZable,
instead of the one that has corns on 1t
from working for him."
You We're out Of luck, all right"
murmered the bookkeeper, sympathet-
ically.
There are Others" remarked the
stenographer. Look at the women
who have been conned into the belief
that they can win a man by being
sporty. Look at the ones who have a
hunch that the way to make them
selves attractive to men is by being in
telectual! Look at the ones who think
they have got sure thing in meekness
and patience and forebearance! Max
ing a book on love is like making a
book on the ponies--you never know
what will win out until after the race
is over, and then it's too late"
Seventeen hundred books on the
subject of love is lot" said the book
keeper. reflectivey.
1T is, replied the stenogra pher.
but if We're a coed shouldn't both
er about them. Any nice, young I'M
married professor can teach girl more
about the science of love in minute
than she could learn from the books in
lifetime. There Is nothing like oral
demonstrations. you know"