River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1905-12-21

Ing through the menagerie, an1 It was
crowded, and they left the baby and
wagon in pas charge, near the monkey
cage, while they went to see the hip
popotamus. Pa is the most accom-
modating man about holding babies
that ever was. The baby was asleep
when its folks left it in the wagon with
pa, but it woke up while they were
gone, and pa took 1t out of the baby
wagon and carried it around just as
he would at home, and showed it the
animals, and held it up on his Shout
der, and took the little monkey and
put it in the baby wagon, and it went
to sleep, and I put veil over it, and
was standing by the wagon talking
with peanut butcher, when the par
ents of the baby came back, and the
woman raised up the veil to see if the
child was asleep, when the monkey
woke up and put its hairy hands up to
rub its eyes. The monkeys looked
up at the woman with beady eyes and
began to chatter, and she yelled and
her husband took a look at the monk,
and he was mad. They could both see
it was monkey instead of baby,
and they asked where the old man with
the chin whiskerS was that they left
the baby with, and the peanut butcher
said: What, that old guy with the
checkered vest? Why, he has gone
with the baby over to the lion cage,
where they are feeding the lions. Don't
you see him holding the baby upon
his shoulder" BY ginger, never saw
two people sprint the way they did,
cause guess they thought pa was
sure crazy, and would give the baby
to the lions. But told them the old
man was all right, and would bring
the baby back, and if he didn't they
could have the monkey, cause / didn't
want them to think they were going to
Then chucked the monkey under the
chin and said: Maybe this is your
baby, cause they change wonderfully
when they get into show"
Well, just had time TO put the mon
key back in the cage when I saw that
grabbed the baby out of his arms, and
the man tackled pa around the legs be-
low the knee, and threw pa down UNI
der the ostrich cage, and said: You
kidnaper! / am good mind to choke
the life out of yOu," and he squeezed
pas windpipe until pas tongue run
out, when canvasman came along
and hit the man in the ear, and he
laid down near zebra, and the zebra
kicked at the man and hit pa, cause
zebra is cross-eyed and kicks like a
woman throws stone, and no man
knows where it listeth.
Pa got up to murder the man that
choked him, when the ostrich reached
it's head out between the bars of the
cage and picked pas big diamond stud
off his shirt, big as a piece of rock
candy, and swallowed it, and pa said
that's the limit, and he called the
manager and asked him how he was
going to get his diamond stud out OF
the ostrich. The manager told pa
to go to the dressing room and ask the
woman who has charge of the ward
robe for the ostrich stomach pump,
and when he got the stomach pump the
manager said the ostrich would cough
up the diamond stud. Pa went off
to the dressing room to get the
ostrich stomach pump, and knew
there was going to be trouble, cause
I thought the manager was just string
ing pa.
Well, he went up to the woman in
the dressing room, and said he came
after her stomach pump, ostrich size,
and you'd a died to see the ruction.
The woman looked at pa as though he
had escaped from sanitarium, and
then she seemed to think he was try
ing to make game of her, and she said:
"You old skate, do you know who you
have the honor of Addressing / am
the queen of this realm, and they all
kow-tow to me; now you come and
, take your medicine" and before pa
could say boo she had pulled big
clothes bag over his head and tied it
around his feet, and said: Come on,
girls, we are going to have roasted
missionary" and they were lighting
gasoline torch to roast pa when the
owner of the show came along and
asked what was up. When the ward
robe woman told him pa had insulted
her, the owner gave her $40 to buy
champagne for the performers, and
she released pa, and he went back to
choke his diamond out of the ostrich.
Pa says this life is more exciting, il
anything, than staying at home, and it
will either kill him or cure him OF a
desire to be a Barnum in about
month more.