Daily Kennebec journal. [microfilm reel] (Augusta, Me.) 1870-1975, 1905-06-10

buildings that had collapsed half
finished in Chicago.
"They were put up" sold Mr.. AIDE.
"by builders of a type too familiar to
us in America.
Il once heard Of two oe these build
ers who over a glass Of beer. met and
talked together like this:
Jones, you always have better luck
than me-
"'Better luck! How SOL
"Why, how else do you account for
my row Of new houses blowing down in
last weeks wind, while yours weren't
harmed? All were built tho same
same woodwork, same mortar, every
thing
Eyes said the other builder, but
you forget that mine had been pa
pered.'"
Mark Twain in his iecturing days
reached a small Eastern town one
afternoon, and went, before dinner, to
BARRIERS to be shaved.
you are q stranger in the town,
sir?" the barber asked.
Eyes, I'm a stranger here" was the
reply.
Were having a good lecture here
tonight, SIR said the barber. "A
Mark Twain lecture. Are you going TO
it?''
YES. I think I WILL" said Mr..
Clemens.
Have you got your ticket yet?" tho
barber asked.
mo, not yet" said the other.
10 o<onHp
Dear met" Mr.. Clemens exclaimed.
1T seems as if l always do have to
stand when 1 hear that man Twain
lecture
An American in London attended re-
Gently a dinner where Henry Arthur
Jones told story about Beerbohm
Tree.
MIR. Tree" said the playwright,
met a friend of his one afternoon in
Regent street.
THE two stood and conversed a lit
tie while, and then Mr.. Tree said:
Have you been down tc see me act
lately. my boy?
mo; too poor said the other.
"'Too DOOR, Mr.. Tree exclaimed
Why, You spend enough en- wine and
cigars
But the other. nettled, interrupted.
"'I don't mean I'm too roor. 1 mean
you're too poor he said.'
A Princeton man tells Of a cOnverSa-
ton that took place between the coach
of football eleven and one of the
players. An important game was soon
to be played, and the coach was. of
course, anxious that every player
should be in the best physical condi-
ton. But to his disgust one of the
men, upon whom great Geal depended
il the great game was to be won.
seemed to be in bad form" Taking
him aside, the coach had the follow
recalcitrant:
See here. you're not looking so
good! Muscles flabby aud wind bad
awful bad. What's the matter? Been
drinking anything?"
Not a drop"
'Then you must be smoking"
Haven't touched Il pipe. cigar. or
cigarette since the training began"
"Studying?"
well, yes-a little"
WhCreupon the coach gave vent to 4
snort of disgust. ''See here! You've
got to stop that! Do you want us to
lose the ame?"-Harper's Weekly.
Judge David D. Shelby. Of the Ala
bama Circuit Court, was talking abou.
the difference between swearing and
Affirming.
Whatever the difference is" he
said. ''it is assuredly not what a GER
tain old colored man understood it to
be last week.
This colored man, entering the w.t.
ness box. said he thought he wouldn't
swear. He thought he would just
affirm.
'Erastus,' 1 said. how is this? A
month ago. when you appeared before
me. you consented readily enough to
swear. Will is it that you will only
affirm now?'
"'Well. yo' honah,' said Erastus. de
reason am dat specks amt quite SO
sure about de Jacks O. dis case as I
wuz O. de odder.'"
Eyes. I've just returned from a two
months visit In the East" the Oregon
young lady was saying; land oh! I
had such lovely time! Those Eastern
ers are SO different from US, though"
What points did you visit?" in
quired the newcomer in Oregon. I do
hope you saw dear old Boston,