davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Birmingham age-herald., 1905-04-16
The clock upbralds me with the waste of time.
 Twelfth Night.
Frank Comerierd of Illinois.

The reader will perhaps recall the hot haste in which the Illinois house of representatives expelled Frank D. comerford of Chicago, because he had aaid that lobbyists and grating were AS common in the Illinois capltal as in Jefferson City, Mo. That statement almost took the breath-and some cash-away from the lower house or the Illinois legislature and they forth- with expelled the young man who had "tod on them"
 MT. Comerford refused to retract Cinele word before the legislature. lie went back to Chicago, where he agaln nictured the moral darkness prevail ing in Springfield, and his constitu,, onte nromptlv reelected him.. He Is hack in his seat again. The house or representatives has concluded to let him keep his seat, but at the same time to ignore him-to sidetrack or pigeon-hole him, so to speak.
 He cannot, however, be kept from presenting bills or making speeches. He will assail the railroad pass to be- gin with, and he has already intro duced a bill to control lobbyists Ills bill requires them to make regular re- ports to the governor of the state just as convicts on parole are compelled to do. As a rule he is following in the footsteps of Governor Folk, but he lacks the latter's opportunity, for the grafters in the legislature have de- cided to nip him in the bud. They will not even let his bills be reported unfavorably.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1905-04-16

and the bank clearings of that sporty month ran up to eleven billion dollars. Last month became a new record. It's thirteen billions in bank clearings stands unequalled.
 The liabilities of the failures which occur are actually decreasing month by month, although the volume of bus mess is rapidly increasing. The coun- try as a whole was perhaps never more prosperous. Certainly more bus mess is being transacted daily than ever before in it's entire history And best of all there is no speck in the sky. Good crops are of course needed, but all reports up to this time from the fields are favorable. The only crop that is at all advanced is winter wheat, and it promises a great yield i'll the surplus states.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1905-04-16
President Smiths New Extension.

President Smith of the LouisNliie and Nashville railroad recently stated before the Alabama railroad commis- sion that his company was engaged in furnishing facilities to the truck farmers of Baldwin county. It Is build ing a railroad from Bay Minette south ward, traversing the interior sections of the big county-the biggest in area in this state-from which timber had been cut. and which was comparative ly worthless until enterprising pro motors induced some northern farm CTS to take the land in small parcels and devote it to the production of garden products. They are prosper ing to such an extent that the Louis vile and Nashville has already laid sixteen miles of rails from Bay Minette on it's main line, and is laying more track daily
 President Smith said notNsS about
 
 Fort Morgan. It is about forty miles from Bay Minette to Fort Morgan, and the new branch is called the Bay Mi nette and Fort Morgan railroad. There is a feeling extant that the enterpris- ing. long-headed Louisville and Nash vile company proposes to get to Fort Morgan in advance of all rivals. There is also a feeling that there will soon be something doing at Fort Morgan. This feeling may not be founded on rock, but 1t exists nevertheless. It is one of the dreams that the Panama canal has created in scheming brains. Fort Morgan plainly is a name to con jure with.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1905-04-16
United States Senators.

South Alabama politician who cher ishes the hope that primaries will be widened rather than shortened in this state, thinks they should cover, in 1906, the nominations of United States sena- tors, as they do in the surrounding states. He says, too that all in his section favor the selection of Alabamas grand old men but he went on to say, "all have right to take into consideration their great age. All hope they will live to serve out an additional term. but life Is ever uncertain. Why not then permit a ballot for alternate, as we'll For example let the ballot read For senator, John T. Morgan, alternate. -. And so as to Senator Pettus. In this way the govern or or the legislature will not be at a loss to know what the people want in an emergency"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1905-04-16
Mighty Jefferson County.

The annual report of Auditor Sow ell, covering the fiscal year ended September 30 last, is at hand. It is mass of figures, and from that mass we propose to cull some that relate to Jefferson county.
 The general state tax of the last fiscal year was SS10,350, of which amount Jefferson paid $127413-not quite one-sixth. The assessed values in the state footed up $324, 4,124,34S. Jefferson's share being s5O,959,20 The counties paid to the state treas urer, all told, $2,46O,O4S. Jefferson s contribution was $429.46O. or trifie more than oneslxth.
 Jefferson's school tax last year for state purposes was $140,439, besides $12,226 contributed by poll-tax pay CTS. total of $152.665. There are perhaps twenty counties whose com bined payments did not equal that sum. Jefferson, too, paid $15,126 to 669 Confederate veterans.
 Jefferson's school tax needs exam ination. This county paid into the state treasury $152,665 on account of the public schools, and it received back s40,151 for the rural schools of
The Birmingham age-herald., 1905-04-16
NED BRACE TALKS ABOUT STATE BONDS,
 THE MERGER, AND SEVERAL OTHER THINGS

such a merger can be put through re- mains to be seen.
 It is said on good authority that tho United States Steel corporation has re- gently interfered to break up the mer- ger; the principal managers of the steel trust having notified the bankers behind the proposed merger that such com bination would be inimical to the inter- ests of the steel corporation. Upon re- ceiving this intimation, it is said that most of the bankers behind the merger promptly became possessed of cold feet and were called home for medical treat ment. Now it seems that they are busy on other things when overtures are made to them for financial backing of the mer- ger
 As matter of fact the excitement over the merger question In Birmingham has subsided, and now the entire town is asog over the great improvements which are proposed to be made here by the rail- road interests. It seems that the Louls- vile and Nashville has notified the other railroads that it's property along Morris avenue is too valuable to them for ter minals to convert the same into great union station. A gain. the Louisville and Nashville does not exchange Pullman ears with any other railroad, and does not arrange it's schedules to connect with any other. Therefore am told that the Louisville and Nashville sometime ago no- tifed the other railroads that they had better look for new quarters In conse-
The Birmingham age-herald., 1905-04-16
Lookout Mountain Tunnel.

''The Lookout Mountain tunnel which is to be built by the Southern railroad, will be one of the greatest engineering feats ever accomplished in the south, ," said J. R. Curtiss of the Chattanooga Times. "'rhe contract has been awarded to w. B. Oliver X Co. of Knoxville, and the cost will be between s2.OOo.OOO and s. 0oo,o0o. The tunnel will be $500 feet in length.
 ''The building of the tunnel was made necessary by the Southern Railway com pany deciding to construct it's own line on the portion of it's road known as the Stevenson extension, distance of forty two miles. The Southern has been using the tracks of the Nashville, Chattanooga and St. Louis railway. and the only way to get over the mountain without cross ing the right of way of the other lines was by tunneling."
The Birmingham age-herald., 1905-04-16

quenee. it is said that the five other main lines in Birmingham have combined. and Will build mammoth passenger station in the very near future. Indeed it is possible that the land for the same may have al- ready been selected. Certain it is that great new. passenger station is soon to be built to be used jointly by all the rail roads entering Birmingham except the Louisville and Nashville.
 I am told that the new Birmingham sta tion is to be even larger and better air. ranged than the new station now being constructed in Atlanta. It is said that the new station will be modelled somewhat on the order of the Great Pennsylvania station in Philadelphia. It is tn he en- tered from the end in order that one tax ing al train may not have to cross any tracks. The station is to cost several hun dred thousand dollars.
 Birmingham seems to be improving h every way except police protection AL though the town is nearly double the size it was five years ago, the police force is practically the same. Burglaries and rob- berries continue, and 1t does look like the residence sections have not that protec- ton which they are entitled to.
 Perhaps George Ward, when, he 1. sworn in as Mayor may be able to do something. Let us either have more pc- lcemen more lights.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1905-04-16
Sloss-Sheffield Party.

President J. C. Maben, Vice President J. w. Mcqueen, and Directors w. H. Goadby and w. F.. Strong returned to Birmingham last night after several days spent in inspecting the properties of the company. The party visited Florence, Sheffield and Russellville and the various coal mines, including Flat Top. They found the furnace at Sheffield and the furnace at Florence in excellent condi- tion and the ore mines and coal mines making good records. Mir. Goadby and MT. Strong will leave for New York Monday.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1905-04-16
IN HOTEL LOBBIES
Great Musical Season.

Birmingham has had more hlusieai attractions this season than usual sald a theatregoer. and it Is particularly for tunate in having .Parsifar presented by the conried company of the Metropoii- tan opera house of New York. Bifmlhg- ham is one of only sixteen cities Visiteu by this famous company. It is one or hear 'Parsifal.' People who have an ldea that 'Parsifal' is too deep for them usually will be greatly surprised when they listen to the soul-stirring orches- tration and the beautiful songs ana chorus on the stage. But even II the music were left out 'Parsifal' as a mere scenic production would be well worth the price. l saw it in New York and will never begrudge the cost.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1905-04-16
Goino a Fishin'.

C. A. Avant. J. A. Emery and Isadore Shapiro and several others will leave this morning via the Louisville and Nashville railroad for La Bayou Batre, where they will spend several days fish ing
 It is said that fishing off the sound is especially fine just at this season of the year and the Birmingham anglers will try their luck with the salt water trout, the red fish and other members of the finny tribe that inhabit that region.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1905-04-16
PANIC BARELY INVERTED.
Alarm of Fire Given In Crowded The
 atre at Jasper.

Jasper, April 15.--(Special.)-At the Au- ditorium last night, where an audience of nearly GOO men. women and children had gathered to witness the performance of ''The Deestrick Skue,' which was being presented for the benefit of the Methodist church. false fire alarm was given which would have caused a panic but for the presence of mind of the per formers on the stage and a few. mem bers of the audience.
 Investigation revealed the fact that some one had set fire to small house at the rear of the Presbyterian church, but much effort was required to quiet the people at the Auditorium. as dozens had began to rush down the stairs
 Some of the best citizens of the town are starting a reward to have the guilty parties arrested and convicted.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1905-04-16

From the New York Press
 When a man gets over paving winter coal bills the summer resort expenses are ahead of him.
 When a man doesn't drink it is a sign he has had very bad habits and is going to have them again.
 A woman would almost rather write 6 letter than man would rather have somebody write him a check
 You could never make a woman be- lieve the first time she rides in an auto mobile that everybody is not looking at her.
 girl eah he good deal more dignified about being kissed against her will than she can about explaining to her mother that she wasn't.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1905-04-16
0l ovERNoR JELKs has turned
 l down the high bond bid, but it

HNN OVERNOR JELKS has turned N down the high bond bid, but it
 - is manifest from his statement governor evidently has in view some set of men or bankers who will take the bonds at a higher price than was bid in the open market contest As a matter of fact he has plenty of time to re-adver- tise them if necessary. and perhaps if times are better he may get better price.
 In handling the finances of the state of Alabama, Governor Jelks has been very successful up to date Instead of making the convicts merely pay for themselves, they are making very handsome income for the state by using them in mining coal. l believe the net revenue from the convict department last year was some thing over $2OO 900. Possibly no other state in the Union is doing so well with it's convicts.
 Although Governor Jelks was never ac- cused in the past of being a fnancier, he has developed the fact since he has been in the governors chair that he is pos sessed of great financial ability
 1 hope that he shall be able to float the entire issue of state bonds on a s.25 basis or less.
 The latest merger news is to the effect that the Sloss people will not go into it, but that efforts are now being made to consolidate the Tennessee. the Republic and the Alabama Consolidated. Whether
The Birmingham age-herald., 1905-04-16
WHAT GAN A YOUNG LASSIE.
Bv Robert Burns.

,y Robert Burns.
 What can a young lassie. What shall a young lassie' What can a young 'lassie, Do wi an auld man? Bad luck to the penny That tempted my Minnie, TO sell her puir Jenny
 For siller an Ian. He's always compleenin' Frae mornin' to eening'; He boasts and he hirples The weary day lang; He's doylt and he's dozin; His blude it is frozen 0 dreary's the night
 WI crazy auld manl He huns and he hankers, He frets and he cankers, I never can please him
 Do a. that I can. Hes peevish an jealous Of a, the young fellows l dool on the day
 l met wi an auld man. My auld Auntie Katie Upon me take pity. I'll do my endeavor
 To follow her plan; I'll cross him an, whack him Until I heart break him, And then his old brass Will buy me new pan.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1905-04-16
Hounds Did Not Respond.

From the Eufaula Times
 At the closing of his sermon in Macon the other night, Sam Jones stated that all the lop-eared hounds in the congrega- ton could rise on their hind feet and bark back at him If he had said any thing they didn't like. Not a hound moved.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1905-04-16
A REAL PASTURE.
Kansas City Star.

From the Kansas City Star
 For the benefit of persons back east, whose idea of pasture is the lot back of the barn, it may be explained that the "pasrure at present tenanted by the President contains 4S0,0oO acres. What sort of exercise or recreation could man like Theodore Roosevelt find in patch of ground hardly big enough for one cow2
The Birmingham age-herald., 1905-04-16
Lovely Woman.

From the Florence Herald.
 ladies organization in Kansas, whose object is to purify politics recently op- ened one of the meetings with the hymn, Pull for the Shore" and closed by pull ing each others hair.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1905-04-16
Russell Nominated.

From the Brewton Standard Guage
 Speaking of the governorship, there are good reasons why South Alabama should furnish the man next time We most re- spectfully nominate Col. E. l.. Russell Of Mobile for governor of Alabama
The Birmingham age-herald., 1905-04-16
ALABAMA PRESS
Will Be Brilliant.

From the Montgomery Journal.
 With MT Bliss and MT. Shine as cd>fes- dates for Mayor of Pensacola. our neigh bors of F'lorida's export will doubtless have a brilliant and joyful campaign. The election is June 6.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1905-04-16
JUST STRAW BERRIES.

From the Savannah Press.
 The Birmingham Age-Herald says strawberries there are within the reach of the masses" They are here, too, but at prevailing prices 1t would be grand larceny to lift them.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1905-04-16
AFRAID TO TELL.

From the New York Herald.
 ..Tell me what you eat and I'll tell vou what you are" says Chicago pro lessor. Would own up to bit of beef' but fear being classed as millionaire or liar.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1905-04-16
63zr,ss~

that ne has no regrets for the past. And what q life he has ledl What admiration ana reverence he has inspiredl How f,i, nas been the cup which now contains onlv the lees. Joe" Jefferson can afford n die, but the nation will be sad to b,d him farewell.
 rural visitor wandering down tb. street yesterday, clad in remarks ,,,. green suit, reminded one of yestervear when sartorial extravagance was pro- nounced. Yet there was a breath of snr,n1 in that green suit-a call to natures moth- cry bosom as it were. It might have been that the city eyes were deceived, and It was not gren suit he wore. but some other shade that reflected the em- erald tints of the grass and the tree. in April Be that as it may, the man in the green suit was blissfully unconcerned for all save the shop windows.
 Richard Weightman takes execution with Thomas Dixon on that inci- dent in The Clansman.' wherein A trusted family servant outrages a south- ern girl MT. Weightman believes, and be- lieyes truly, that there is no more @uch. ing and pathetic picture of devotion than that shown by the old time darxies to their old time masters. and those mem- bers of the family who dwelt in the ..bfr house." Even now, as the former slaves pass away, their departure is sincerely mourned and their last days are made comfortable by the white people with whom they have been associated so long, MT. Dixon of. course appreciates this phase of southern life before and after the war, but the revolting crime which forms a climax in his book, and its at tending circumstances, are, to say the least, rare in the annals of the south. The negro servants who served quality" wera as a rule the soul of honor and trust worthiness.
 District Attorney Jerome says that Thomas Jefferson was a fakir. It is lucky that his word is not law in a case of this kind
 The versatility of woman is shown by the fact that she can discuss education in the Philippines and the servant girl problem at the same club meeting
 polluted plunks, plucked from the peo- pe's plum tree;" 'tarnished tin;" guilty gelt;' 'penitential pesos;" "malodorous mazuma;' 'reprehenslble ready" .'pesti- ferrous push;' sickening stuff"-these are surable coin;'' 'siekening stuff '-these are merely a few new synonyms for tainted money"
 
 The secretary of rodents has taken up his duties in Washington where he will assist Uncle Sam in running rats away from the capitol building. It looks dark for the rats.
 The cause of cerebro-spinal meningitis is the germ dplococcus intracellularis meningitis. The minstrel is not scientific but he hates germs. Hearken: KINDLY FADE AWAY.
 Please go away and let us be, Mister Diplococcus. We would have no more of thee Mister Diplococcus. We're pursued by many germs Winged things and crawling worms. Seems just like the whole world squirms Please get out on any terms, Mister Diplococcus.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1905-04-16
About Persons.

w. T. Atkins. Jr.. and G. q. Vaughan of Selma are stopping at the Morris. E. M Noble of Montgomery is at the Morris
 Galley Houghton of Russellville is at the Morris.
 J. l.. White of Louisville is at the Nor ris.
 J. A. Bradford of Montgomery is at the Morris.
 L. P. cohn of Huntsville is at the Metropolitan.
 E. R. Davie of Littleton is at the Metro- politan.
 John R. Moore of Buffalo is at the St. Nicholas.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1905-04-16
The Rirmlnaham District.

From the Dothan Siftings:
 Birmingham district is a district that any state in the union might be proud of It is doing as much toward putting Alabama to the front as anything else
The Birmingham age-herald., 1905-04-16

The club women who predicted that the Mormons will control the Senate in ten years, unless steps are taken to prevent the spread of Mormonism, Is one of those females who is always hearing burglars in the house.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1905-04-16

The Grover Shoe company has been de- clared not to blame for the disastrous explosion at Brocktpn Mass. Of course the boiler was really at fault. It ought not to have exploded
The Birmingham age-herald., 1905-04-16
Limit Too Low.

From the Gadsden Journal.
 Osler clubs have not yet proven popu- lar The limit at which men may play Is too low.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1905-04-16

Colleges in the central western states of sl2,5O000O. These efforts to help the iron master die poor must touch his heart.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1905-04-16

the county. and $31 ,s32 for the schools of Birmingham, Bessemer, East Lake and Pratt City-a total of s71,9s3, leaving $SO,6S2 that never came back. In other words. Jefferson raised $72,- 900 for its own schools, and $s0.0o0 for the schools of other counties. This beauty of the constitution of 1901 was dictated by the Black Belt counties.
 In the respect of taxes from licenses Jefferson paid $95, ,266 for 1154 licenses. It took over one-fifth of all the licenses granted in the state. paying therefor nearly one-Quarter of the total money received by the state from that source.
 The rising taxable importance of Jefferson county does not in the least arouse the opposition or even jealousy of the rest of the state. The other counties do not seem to care how mo nopolistic Jefferson becomes in the matter of tax-paying. and Jefferson would not complain if school taxes were apportioned justly, and valua- tions of property throughout the state were placed on just basis
The Birmingham age-herald., 1905-04-16
Edenltes Slow.

From the Coosa Valleyan.
 A number of the progressive citizens of Eden are owing us for the paper, and as we dislike to dun them we hope they will take the hint and pay up.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1905-04-16

c. W. Horn, IT,, Is stopping at the St. Nicholas.
 E. B. Dunlap of Meridian is at the Colonial.
 J. D. Hughley of Coal City is at the Colonial.
 Morris Hagedorn of the Atlanta Paper company is at the Hillman.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1905-04-16

Fifteen young women and four men tarred and feather a woman in Hudson, Mich, because she did not leave town when ordered to do so. Imagine the glow of righteousness and self-suffieiency which aetuated these persons in their eowardly assault.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1905-04-16

Dowie wants nlne-tenths of what each Dowieite owns. He is willing the fortunate convert should keep a tenth of his own. but he needs the rest in his business.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1905-04-16
THE AFFABLE ROBBER.

Excuse me, sir. I'll take your watch Likewise this handsome fob. really hate to treat you SO This is a hateful job. Thanks! That is a pretty purse, And is indeed quite new It is a pleasure, sir. to rob pleasant chap like you, Ah yes I'll take that diamond stud-< brilliant stone, indeed! Won't you smoke good cigar?- My weakness Is the weed. We'll good night. sir, pardon me For this enforced delay. We will meet again, hope On some not distant day"
 PAUL COOK
The Birmingham age-herald., 1905-04-16
Poetry Is Plentiful.

From the Talladega Reporter.
 No. kind reader. We already have forty yards of Easter poetry in the waste Bas- ket.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1905-04-16

Dear old Joe Jefferson, who has gotten close to American hearts in all theatre going towns, is about to go to his long sleep over the mountain. He will go be- loved by great people, because he was so true on the stage to human nature. ever full of weakness and oddity.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1905-04-16

Methodist church in Massachusetts has asked its pastor to resign because he is 40 years old and unmarried. This is Oslerism in new direction.