Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1905-03-18
Humorous

don't have to. l own an auto
| Baltimore American.
Captain Showing her over the ship
This is the quarterback Lady
Then l suppose that deck down there
is the fiftycent deck Elk.
Mlstress--If you want eggs TO keep,
you must lay them in a cool place
Bridget--Oill mintion ii to the hens
at wanst. Illustrated Bits
You ran over that chap. Are you
going TO stop?" Yes, just as soon as
we reach a repair shop | heard some
thing break when we hit him" Life.
Mrs. Dobbs-How is your new
neighborhood? Mrs. Dbbs-Oh, just
like the other one; all the rich people
talk poor, aud ali the poor people talk
rich,-Puck.
Joe-I love you; love you Won't
you be my wife? Jess-You must see
mamma first. Joel have seen her
several times, but ! love you just the
same.-Ex.
Rev. DR. Thirdly Don't you know,
little boy, that you shouldn't fish ON
the Sabbath day? Tommy ToddlesI
amt s-fshin', boss; I'm JUS teachin
worms how ter SWIM Chicago Chron-
! icle.
II see 1t stated here that the Sultan
wears an iron undershirt" Say. /
wish had one like it TO send to my
laundry. I'd like to get even with EN-
once in while, "-~Cleveland Plain
Dealer.
Hester-I hear that Bessie's engage
ment with Fred Sihmons is broken
of Too bad, isn't il? Grace-But
she's going to keep the diamond ring
Hester-Oh, didn't hear of that
/ Exchange.
| Stlll Able to Attend to Business:
Il told Uncle Simon that he was get
| ting too old and feeble to attend TO
| business" Did he take 1t kindlyr'
He threw me out of his Office"
Vanity Fair.
An Inducement: Peddler-Want to
buy an umbrella cheap? krankley-
| No. What's the use? Everybody
steals my umbrellas. Peddler-Well,
this one amt worth stealth .-~Philadel
phia Ledger :
/ Il thought you were quite well nc
qualnted with Brown" said Ascum.
NO, indeed replied Choliy; "I--aw
only associate with my equals,
and Really. you should aim higher
than that."-Ex.
DawkIns And was 1t very hot in In
dia? Jawklns Hot! Simply melting.
| Why, one OF our fellows stayed out
too long in the sun one day, and had
TO be ladled back to his bungalow -
London Tit Bits
DO you expect TO send your son TO
c0llege?" Well haven't decided
yet In view OF the hazing and the
football, I'm half inclined TO believe 1t
would he more merciful to finish him
up with chloroform. Chicago Record
Herald.
Stranger-So you went to school
With Rudolph Klpllng, Ell? | suppose
! you know he Is now a famous writer
Uncle Fletch-Sho! Why him an me
used ther same copybook, an ! know
my wrltin' d beat his'n all boiler
! Exchange.
What il counter-irritantf" asked
Mrs Smithers. "A c0unter-irritant,"
replied Smlthers "ls woman who
mikes the clerk pull down everything
on the shelves for two hours, and then
buys four cents worth OF hairplns"--
Cleveland Press.
"Tgh." exclaimed the exchange tick
ct, withdra wing ms far as possible into
the corner OF the pocket, you're from
pawnshop" Suppose / am" retort-
ed the pawn ticket, 81 am the pawn
shops one redeeming feature. Phil
adelphia Ledger.
Naggus What are you golnng to do
with the hero and heroine of that mag
azine story you're running now? Mar
nv them? Borus Certainly. They'll
be married in the last chapter. Nagg-
us-rm glad OF II. 1t will serve them
rlght!--Chicago Tribune.
Distinguished Artist--Perhaps IL you
came here you win get better light
on the picture. This studio 10 not
nearly large enough. Fair Visitor
ideslrous 10 understandable yes;
know. One can't get far enough away
from your pictures Punch.
Employment Agent What was the
matter with your last place? Domes-
tic-The missus was too particular.
Employment Agent--In what ways
Domestlc-She wouldn't let me lock
the baby in the foldin' bed wen | had
conpa ms. New York Weekly.
In Good .-Cityman-So you
are going to plant garden again this
year Were your vegetables last year
a success? suburbanite Great!
Why. my neighbours hens took first
prizes at all the poultry shows. aud
they ate practically nothing but my
vegeta bles. Judge.
II must warn you Bridget" said
Mrs. Nuritch, 80 see that the peas