Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1905-06-04
CITY DISCOVERER
SEES SUFFERING

| 1T seems to me-" the City Discoverer re-
/, marked aloud. that every time I wander
out in the country for one of the interesting
| rambies that have given me my name. ma
/ ture eXcrts herself to be more than ordi-
| nafily charming. Today the sunshine is
| warmer and brighter than I ever -emem-
| Der, the grass Is greener the southern
breeze more fragrant. the shadows of the
| woods more allurinG How good II is to be-
| alive"
And then the Discoverer picked on. a
| comfortable seat against a tree trunk. re-
| moved his goid-rimmed glasses and was
| about to resume his rhapsody when he
| heard a groan behind him and a sepulchral
voice remarked. "Oh, that l had 1t now!''
The Discoverer turned around in no little
| establishment and gazed with some anxiety
| at the speaker, "A tall, emaciated and re-
| markably bald individual well past middle
| age who was leaning in a Hamlet-ike at
titude against neighboring tree trunk, his
features conyused with agony
rs there anything / can dor" the Dis
coverer asked anxiously. What is II that
you WANT?
"A beefsteak," the stranger remarked,
turning his tragic eyes on the Discoyerer
"A steak of the sirloin variety three inches
thick. rich ana red and covered with but
ter, garnished and smothered and choked
with onions; aided and abetted by French
fried potatoes. accompanied and followed
by strong black coffee"
My dear SIR said the Dscoverer. sooth-
1ngiy, his sympa theffc countenance almost
as woe-begone as that OF the lean stranger,
Il Feel for you. 1 haven't much money
with me. but such az have is yours. Fol
low me and we will find some place where
your hunger may be satisfied
You are certainly losing your mind" re-
piled the tall individual, Jelly, III You think
L haven't the price of meal. / have II
on my person at the present moment. $4s6-
9I322 in small change, not to speak of q
draft for S7,9S4 1865. q fine assortment OF
railroad securities and two three million
dollars in other tangible and visible assets"
The Discoverer stared at the stranger
his mild blue eyes round with astonishment
WIN
Sir" said the lean man. '1et me ask you
question: Do you like the delightful prep
aration known as 'Brickbread' q
Il don't believe l ever tried it." replied
the Discoverer wonderingly
Did you ever experiment with the vir-
tues OF the various DEMONSTRATING COM
pounds known as 'Nearfood' 'Sawdustlne.'
'oatsanhay, 'Stomachetts,' 'Pepsin Plums'
and the like?
, Il don't believe / ever did, the Discov-
erer replied.
''Har' calculated the lean stranger ct
thought SO. Then leave me to my dreams
But, sir" insisted the Discoverer isn't
there something L can do. I'm sure 1 don't
quite understand. L would
Sir. replied the lean individual coming
out of his trance once more, II have told
you TO leave me, but / will explain fur
Their. When l hadn't the price of a ham
sandwich l had an appetite AXE a Kansas
cyclone, and my digestive apparatus could
cope successfully with everything from a
last years birds nest to a lamp chimney
Now that l have an income that would
permit me to dine at the st. Regis every
night in the week if 1 want to, l can't eat
soda cracker without feeling as IL I'd
swallowed a live baby elephant. l don't
need money. What / want is a stomach
My only pleasure in life is derived from
day dreams similar to the one YOU inter-
rupted a moment ago. While the spirit is
willing the flesh is weak. and If I saw an
aforementioned steak approaching at the
present minute I'd probably throw up my
hands ard fall in a fit on the spot"
Your lot is hard one" the City Dis
coVerer remarked, after an eloquent pause,
wiping his mild blue eyes. But there GER
tainly must be some compensations Did
you ever try the comfort of reIigion?"
Sii. said the lean stranger. averting
his grtef-strfcken countenance, ''you have
placed the heavy foot of idle conversation
upon ranking wound. I am religious and
have always been religious, and at one time
religion was great consolation TO me But
now
MY dear SIR" said the City Discoverer
enthusiastically, interrupting 81 his turn,
then things are not bad If your re-
liglon means what 1t should to you, and you
are DIS wealthy as you nave stated, then
you yourself must do something for red
gion. You should give
"Stopi" cried the lean and aged person
commandingly, is it not enough that you
should stab me- without turning the weapon
in the wound? I cannot give my money
away for religious purposes"
Then" said the City Discoverer indig-
nantly, you are selfish and do not deserve
consolation.
Il mean" replied the lean stranger with
dignity. that can't find any one to take
it. 1 have tried all the various denomina-
tons and churches L know of, and they
have all refused it
Il would suggest said the City Dis
coverer family after he had recovered in
some slight degree from his astonishment,
that you try missionary society"
Il have" said the lean stranger gloom
fly. land they threw 1t back at me-"
Then there is indeed no hope" the City
Discoverer admitted. he blew hts nose
vigorously and wiped his eyes. Il sympa-
thize with you deeply in your affiction,
and 1 should be glad to know your name
and learn what Is the matter with your
money
John D. Rockefeller is my name. and
tainted Is my money" replied the lean and
aged person sorrowfully. as he again bowed
his head in his hands and wept.
Il wonder why he doesn't reduce the
price of OIL" unused the City Discoverer,
a G q started homeward