The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-06-06
HVMOR OF TIE DAY

HUMOR OF TIE Day
Dentists Servant Ito suffering PATIENT
And whom snail have the misery of an
nouncing, sir?-Translated for Tales from
lie Rire.''
You doesn't cay no jug OBJ water to do
mel Wid you desc days. I sees. Uncle ia
mo, chile; I doesn't need it. vvhenebber
millions mos ripe an me mouf water SO
nearly chokesi"-New Orleans Times
Democrat
Young man, you are discharged. have
discovered that you have been imperson-
ating the private Waterman"
In what way have been personating
you have tried all the front doors ev-
cry hour in an effort to set a drink
Cincinnati Commercial Tribune.
What is the difference between history
wei" answered the unbelieving per-
son. 'one great difference is that fiction
frankly owns up to being largely untrue"
Washington Star.
Maude-oh, think Mr.. Textual is
1dartha-Why. I thought it was generally
admitted that his sermons are dun and
Maude-Oh. I never listen to what he
says. | don't care anything about that,
nanCkEF~
chief so gracefully that I could Sit and
feast my eyes on him for hours.-Boston
Transcript.
I'm short" said the architect, you want
me To- draw plans for skyscraper
Not exactly" answered the trustees.
Wen be satisfied Il it's a skyreacher. -
Chicago Tribune.
See my diamond engagement ring?"
Yep; that's fine diamond
sure; it'd go through a twenty-mesh
sieve. Houston kost.
81 once made s15o in Wall street.
You astonish me. How did It happen?'
and It was several weeks before they dis
charged n1e.''-ChicaSo Record-Herald.
Rather odd" remarked the fat boarder
40 what do you refer?'' inquired the
landiady suspiciously.
This honey; found q hair in it; %
IT'S strange" replied the landlady; 7
purchased It for conbed honey. '-Adilwau-
kee Sentinel.
MY WIFE.
My wife is beautiful-but oh! her tonguel
She talks SO much fear we two must
Sadly 1 own. her-witih my nerves IN
thing of beauty and ,s,,: j.w fqrs ssl
Shells there any insanity in the snObbs
He-No. It's too bad there isn't; it would
give them a legitimate. excuse for some
Of their actions.-Detroit Free Press.
visitor-why are you crying 50; Bob
q Bobbie-Boo-hoo! Cause de Russians
Visitor-What kind hearted little boy!
-hoo!-some day Ill
have ter study about it in school.-Judge.
wal, how'd ye enjoy tn sights in New
Spent tn hull time ridin' round on that
subway of theirs, an, judgin by what
could see from the winders, city scenery
amt what tn summer boarders cracks It
up to be."-Brooklyn Life.
Sometimes" said Uncle Eben. "a man
thinks he's overworlxed when he's jes' try
in to ketch up on de time he done spent
loafn' We shlngton star.
welded to her art.
CSiadyS-And now?
Grayee-she says, she fears shell have to
port.-Harrisburg Telegraph.
The Girl-PIease dance a little mora
The why-er-how do you mean?
The Giri-see # you can't dance on my
too much.-Cleveland Leader.
Bride Gust Bridget. have
| you made the bread?
Bridget-Yes, mum.
Bride docking in the panl-oh. this Is III
But mercy, Bridget, you must put it on
the ice directly. See, it is melted.-Boston
Transcript.
tell be. de bark at de foot Of a tree how
! old it IS.
dat wrote dat wuzn't up a tree under dem
circumstances. Dat amt no way ter tell a
dogs age.-Philadelphia Press.
First Neighbor-BIy husbands devotion
to his ambition has ruined our home.
Second Neighbor--What is his ambition?
First-He is writing a book on domestic
science.-Detroit Free Press.
DuHerl see an increase Of 20 per cent
in the number of tourists to Europe is ex-
/ pected.
| ing committees are striking some clew af-
| ter all.-IndianaDolis Star.
Don't you think it would be a good idea
no answered Mr.. Dustin stax. IF I
did, the chances are that the professor of
| political economy would teach the stu
dents to object to the way I got rich. -
Washington Star.
Knicker-So your wife went to the coun-
] try to study Natures book2
Bocker-Yes, and from the size OF her
hotel bill it must be among the six best
sellers.-New York Sun.
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QUAKER REFLECTIONS
From the Philadelphia Record.I
Man proposes and woman supposes
but they both pose.
AS much depends upon the sales in
I business as in yachting.
It's a trying time for a woman when
she goes to her dressmaker.
All the worlds a stage. and it's pref
ty much a continuous knowledge.
Many a man who wouldn't buy pig
in poke is a victim of love at first
sight.
What we consider family pride in our
selves we are too .arone to regard as
snobbishness in others