The Rich Hill tribune. (Rich Hill, Mo.) 1903-1911, 1905-06-15
stupid Recruit Of . Soy.

sutL before Lle DptuAAE u TIE
spring Of 1869. a tall. lank. green-look-
ing man entered one Of the camps Of
the confederate general. Johnston, AZ
Nashville. Tenn. and said he would
like 70 Join the regiment" says the
Cincinnati Enquirer. he was turned
over 10 q drin sergeant with instruc-
tons 70 try to make a soldier out Of
him.
The c~Onfsderates were never Oh
spicuous for soldierly appearance: in
deed. they we're best noted as fighters
Yet. Notwithstanding the want Of At
tention 10 the army regulations. the
recruit al once became noted for be-
ing the most unsoldierly nan among
them. The bump o. discipline seemed
10 be a hollow IN his head. He was
constantly wandering from his com
msnd and spending long terms in the
Euardhouse for doing q. Though the
sergeant spent hours drilling him. the
recruit could never learn the differ
euce between carry and shoulder
arms. Al least. IL he did he was sure
10 forget il the next DAY. On post he
vas continually making blunders He
was the butt OF his regiment and the
subject for innumerable tricks.
One morning he appeared at his
~colonel's tent and told him that he had
been appointed spokesman for the en-
listed men Of his regiment 10 say that
they desired to be led al once against
the enemy. The colonel looked al the
.-w- auaanHEhnA HL.w a~sNm4Hu n--#a
a note. gave IL TO him and told him to
take il 10 the regimental surgeon. The
surgeon. after reading II. examined
the bearer for his sanity but sent him
back With a paper stating that he was
perfectly sane. though stupid.
The recruit neX appeared az gen
eral headquarters and reported for
orderly Il vas never known wheth-
er this was by mistake o. for a joke.
but the adjutant Who made the detail
was sent back 20 his company for do
ing so. The recruit attracted the al
tention OF The stan for his awkward.
ness and when the generals tent vas
vacant Numbered into e and vas
caught reading the generals papers
He was sent back 10 his colonel under
guard. with a report o. his conduct
whereupon the ~c0nonel. after consider
ing the pnopriety Of ordering him be-
fore a court-martiaL decided 9 recon
mend his discharge on the ground
that % would be for the good OF the
service. But. the ~cunfederacy AZ that
time not being ov~erburdened with
powder food. the general command
ing declined TO grant the discharge. on
the ground hat II the MAJ was a fool
he should be placed ia the front rank.
where the army might get rid Of him
to a purpose,
One night when the recruit Was on
outpost duty. a shot was heard com
Ing from where be was stationed. and
he came running IN. crying, The
Hanks air comm The Nanks air
comm The long roll was beaten
and the command turned out. forming
In line Of battle. But no enemy came
After waiting the attack FOR some
time. skirmishers were thrown out
and found the body % the major vho
had been officer Of the dzy visiting
the pickets lie had been shot
through the head. The men we're sent
back 90 their tents aud the recruit
was sent up under guard e the gen
eral After considerable questioning
the general sent him back to his rogi-
ment under carr % an aid. The colo
mel was directed either TO have the
stupid ass shot by mistake" or COT,
niVe AZ hts desertion.
The colonel chose the latter course
Tie called the recruit into his tont and
told him he had decided TO have him
shot az sunrise next morning Then he
senJ him 10 his regiment with orders
20 his colonel 10 place him where he
could oscar during the night
That Was the last seen o. the sta.
pid recruit Ia that army When the
sun rose Ia the morning he vas far
away. The omcer Of the dAy reported
the escape 20 the colonel Who ~
ceiyed g. with great satisfaction. and
az once reported q 90 the generai
Who was delighted AZ the wise course
he had pursued He sent hack a con.
graduation on SETTING re Of = mar
SO stupid that he didnt knoW a fierd
from a foe. But the omcer most ~
heved vas The captain % the CON.
pany to which the recruit hoaongc3
Early IL April % that year the bat
tie OF shiloh was toaghL and among
the prisoners taken By the uuioa
torres Vas this very captsia One ot
the mea Who msrohcd him Ia steppee
up alongside 81 him and said
Cap 30 d0nt remember ne
Great heavens the stupid recruit
Not 10 stupid as 20 an supposed