The Caldwell tribune. [volume] (Caldwell, Idaho Territory [Idaho]) 1883-1928, 1905-04-22

oasey-"Did We take vacation this
year, Mike?' Corrigan-.Of ala MT
VI was out on strike from May to
october."-Puck.
Waiter, find here in nv SOM a
neeoie-a needle, sirw "That must
% 2 misprint-that should be a
odle."-Judge.
Flows you gettn' on wild youah
Frnmedc, Lou?" II done learned to
add up the oughts, but de figures bod
oer me."-Collier's Magazine.
All in the brand: Homer-"what,s
the difference in time between Chicago
ana Paris" Rounder-"Well, that de-
ponds on the kind Of time you are
looking for."-Chicago News.
He says he proposes to make auto
mobiles that will easily attain a speed
OF eighty miles an hour" "WheW!
mats a great business undertaking"
Hes' but, most Of all, 1t means a great
Undertaking business. philadelphia
Press.
How did they ever come to send
MIN to the legislature?" "Well, you
see, they were prevented by techni-
cahty from sending him to the pent-
tent1ary and he showed no disposition
to move out Of own."--Chicago Rec
ord Herald.
Farmer Jones-"Wal, thar's ono
Thing like about these plaguey auto
mobolistS, anyway" Farmer Brown
What is that?" Farmer Jones-"They
don't mind getting killed themselves
any more than they do killing other
folk. "-Brooklyn Life.
Baggs-"And SO poor Daggs Is dead.
never got a chance to bid him good
by. The first thing l do when I get
TO heaven will be to say how sorry
was" Faggs-"But suppose he
didn't get to heaven" Baggs-"Then
you tell him for me."--Town Topics.
How Is your school Of journalism
doing?" well, it is a little slow. We
have no trouble in getting people who
are willing to be teachers. The trouble
Is 10 find anybody who doesn't think
he knows all about how a newspaper
ought to be run."-Washington Star.
Il understand your wife is quite
literary" Il should say SO; she won
a ten-dollar prize from the Ladies'
Own Journal with an article on How
we managed to save enough in two
years to move twice and pay the
plumber for connecting the gas range
Puck.
Il don't like to say such long. pray
ers," said little girl the other night;
Il want to say nice short ones like
nursery does" What kind does nur.
sy say" inquired her mother. "Oh,
she just says, oh, Lord, why do |
have to get up! "-Philadelphia
Ledger.
Kifter-"That's a nice umbrella
you've got" Lifter-"Yes, 1t was q
present" Kifter-"Indeed? Who gave
it to you Lifter-"Nobody gave II
to me, but it has an inscription on ii
showing that it was presented to
John F. JONES' whoever that is."-
Philadelphia Press.
"Old Bliggers Is such strong Dem
ocrat l should not have supposed he
would consent to his daughters marry
ing young Smith, who is a Republi'
can" "Well, Biggers says his wife
Is a Democrat, too, and he Is going
to get somebody else into the family
|
The sicA man had called his lawyer
II wish to explain again to you," said
he, weakly, about willing my prop
erty-" The attorney held up his
hand reassuringly, There, there!" said
he; leave that all to me-" The sicE
man sighed resignedly. "I suppose
might as well," said he, turning upon
his pillow; you'll get it, anyway.
Judge.
Anxious Inquirer-"Is 1t true thai
for fifteen shillings 1 can insure my
house for thousand pounds?" Clerh
l-"Quite true, madam. If your house
burns down we pay you thousand
pounds" Anxious InQuirer-"And dt
YOU kS dAJ AAAuAA ASS 90 w AN" SAS
fire originated?" Clerk-"Certainly
We make the most careful inquiries
Anxious Inquirer-"Ah! though
there WAS a catch in it somewhere
Taller.
Mrs. Kidder-"Charles, can't yor
give me another check? see you
have a whole book full" Mr.. Kiddel
THAT doesn't signify, dear. l have
used up my balance at the bank
Mrs. Kidder-'Then why didn't yor
give I'D your check-book? Now, it:
no use for you to tell stories, JOSEPH
Kidder. If you mean to say l shan
have any money, why don't you say
60 right out, like manT-Ex.
The principal Of the school was
talking with him about his boy. by
the way, Mr.. Wipedunks," he said; :"
have made a discovery about Jerry
He's ambidextrous." Il don't see how
that can be-" replied Mr.. Wipedunks
with rising Indignation; 'he hahn
never been exposed to it. Besides, h
was vaccinated last year, we BATH