davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1905-03-03
HUMOROUS YARNLErs.

A Mississippi farmer whose house and
barns wele clicked up by q cyclone and
blown into the Mississippi river. landed
= on top of a sawlog. As he came to the
surface, blew the water out of his nose.
wiped his eyes and got better grip on
the log, he said: well, that was 60
sudden 1t Is ridiculous"
In the great Boston public library
there stands on a pedestal in a corner of
Bates hall, the main reading room, q
bust in very dark bronze of Oliver Wen
dell Holmes, the patron saint Of Boston.
The other day, two old ladies were wan
dering about the building. Both the
good danes critically examined the
likeness. why, never knew" re-
marked one to the other, drawing back
q little, that DR.. Holmes was negro. -
In the days when Mark Twain was an
editor out west he was not so we'll of
as of late years. One morning the mail
brought bill from lis tailor, not an
unusual occurrence. The boy who went
through the mail called the future hui
morist's attention to it. And" added
the boy, he has written on the back
that he wants settlement at once"
you should know what to do with such
copy without asking,'' said Mr.. Twain.
"Inclose it with the regular printed
slip stating that all manuscript written
on both sides Of the paper is unavaila-
ble."
During a recent shooting expedition
Grover Cleveland spent the greater part
of the day with the guide without any
substantial results. In the end he gave
up the chase for the time being and
sought the nearest railroad station. Be-
fore leaving the scene of his adventure,
SO the story goes, Mr.. Cleveland chatted
pleasantly with his guide, good natured-
ly bemoaning his hard luck. The guide
waited for an opportunity and then re-
marked gravely: Anyway, sir, the
ducks to-day may have made fun OF
your aim, and there may be some who
think you wasted cartridges, but nobody
can say anything about your liberality."
The tip he received is said to have COM
pletely covered the case.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1905-03-03

+ 4 Political forms touch the life Of the
people intimately. Thus, under mon
lrchy or q. theocracy or an ,oligarchy, .
nan with long hair passes for poet,
Shereas under republic he is thought
% be paying an election bet, merely
Puck.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1905-03-03
Cured Her Diabetes.

Halo, Ind, Feb. 27th.-(Special)-l1
what will cure Diabetes will cure any
form of Kidney Disease, as so many physi:
clans say, then Dodd's Kidney Pills will
cure any form of Kidney Disease. For Mrs
L. G: Bowers of this place has proved that
Dodd's Kidney Pills will cure Diabetes.
II had Diabetes" Mrs. Bowers says,
my teeth all became loose and part Of
them came out. passed a great deal OF
water with such burning sensations
could hardly bear it. l lost about 40
pounds in weight. I used many medi.
cines and doctored with two local doctors
but never got any better till I started 10
use Dodd's Kidney Pills. They cured me
80 completely that in three years have
had no return of the disease. I am q
well woman now, thanks to Dodd's Kid
.ney Pills"
Dodd s Kidney Pills cure all kidney all.
ments from Backache to Bright's Disease.
Cure your Backache with them and you
will never have Br;ght's Disease, Diabetes
or Rheumatism.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1905-03-03

TO Cure a Cold in One Day
Take Laxative Bromo Quininc Tablets. All
druggists refund the money il it fails to cure
E. w Groves signature is on each box Csc.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1905-03-03
It Depended,

II maintain" she declared, that
women are better speakers than ren.
but sometimes quantity is mis-
taFen for quality" he pointed out
Cassell's.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1905-03-03
Unfortunate.

Miss Cayenne is very unfortunate"
''She has a remarkable gift of repartee."
eyes. When she tries to be sincerely
complimentary people take it for granted
that she is being sarcastic. "-Washingto
Star.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1905-03-03
billion Dollar Grass.

When the John A. salzcr Seed Co., of
La Crosse, Wis, introduced this remark
able grass three years ago, little did they
dream it would be the most talked of grass
in America, the biggest, quick, hay pro-
Queer on earth, but this has come to pass.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1905-03-03

I am sure Piso's Cure for Consumption
saved my life three years ago.-.-Mrs: Thos
Robbins, Norwich, N. Y, Feb. II, 1900.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1905-03-03
A Guaranteed Cure for Piles.

It ia easy to preach contentment when
you have all the cakc.-Chicago Tribune.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1905-03-03

Lots of men are bulls in the stock mar.
ket and bears at home.-N. Y. Times.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1905-03-03

You can't preserve the peace in alcohol.
Judge.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1905-03-03

A sunny temper gilds the edges of life's
blacklist cloud-Guthrie.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1905-03-03

A Chicago man calls his dog Weine1
because it is the worst dog in the block.
Chicago Chronicle.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1905-03-03

itching, Blind, Bleeding or Protruding Piles
Your druggist will refund money if PAzO
OINTMENT fails to cure in q to IA days. SIC.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1905-03-03

A cynic remarked the other day: can
old acquaintance Of mine died recently
at the age of 95. In all that time the
poor, dear fellow hadn't lived more than
20 minutes!"-Puck.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1905-03-03
A Winter Chautauqua in tho Pines

Commencing March end, 1906, the great.
est Chautauqua ever held in the South
will assemble at Chronicle, Alabama. Low
railroad rates have been arranged. For
particulars and copy Of programme and
other literature, apply to your home
agent, or Jno. NJ. Beall. &. p. A., NJ. &
0. r. r.. st. Louis, Mo.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1905-03-03
TO Florida Through Old Battlefields

"Dixie Flyer" leaves Chicago over C. &
E. I. at 200 p. M. and arrives jackson.
vile $40 second morning. Through
Sleepers. Daylight ride through the most
picturesque and historic section of the
South. Chicago and Florida Limited"
leaves Chicago over c. & Z. l. las p. NJ.
and arrives Jacksonville 1855, St. Angus
tine Ops the next evening. Solid Train
with Dining and Observation Cars. Both
st. Louis Railway between n nashville, Chst.
tanoQsa. and Atlanta, the famous battle
fields Route" For folders and interest
ing literature call on or write to BRIARD
+. HILL, Northern Pass. Agent, N. C. &
st. L. Ry., Marquette BldG., Chicago, Ill.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1905-03-03

"The life of an insurance agent" sighed
PREMIUMS, lis full of wolmwcod and
gall" II hadn't noticed the wormwood,"
growled the Northumberland Leader.
Little Falls herald., 1905-12-22
FAWNDALE

December 19.-Miss Mary Brown.
who has been working for j. j. Trut-
WIN for some time, returned home
Sunday. -
The roads are in had condition but
still the farmers are hauling wood.
Nick Kuka bought horse from Ja-
cobson, the horse trader, last Thurs
day.
Freda Lindstrom is learning drf g.
making In Little Falls.
!. Frank Rossa has a 20 rifle calibre
for Christmas present.
Bnfn-To Mr.. and Mrs. j. r.
O'Donnefl, Dec. 11th, q daughter.
John Stroman put telephone in
the postofhce Thursday.
Christ Karnoski is moving his en-.
gine to J. B. O'Donnell's place where
he is going to saw this winter.
Waldmer Lindstrom left for Mon
tana where DO Is learning the cigar
making trade.
Among those at the Falls Friday
were Frank Rossa, Frank Po1ntek,
Simon Pointek. Aug. Anderson, Val.
Sheen and John Hheon.
Henry Brown is hauling wood to
Flensburg.
Little Falls herald., 1905-12-22
ALPHABET" SOLD
Deal to beClosed this Week.
New MANAGEMENT
Independent

j. Albert Lea Standard: Tne STANDARD
ts able to announce by authority thai
the Alphabet railroad b. . been sold by
President Reed and his assoc iates tc
the original management and that
contracts, deeds of assignment and
other necessary instruments CONVEYING
the franchises and entire property Of
the road have been executed and are
on deposit. that the money will be
paid over. the transaction fully closed
and possession will be given to the
new owners this week.
The deal has been financed BY E. L.
Tobie Il Co. and this firm with some
other capltalisrs have provided the
necessary funds to take over the pro.
perty. The Standard is assured that
the Alphabet is to remain under .nde.
pendent manag ement, that no other
railroad will have any control of it.
but of course, it does not follow that
later it may not be absortei by one OF
the other Of the big through systsms.
This, however, we may 10 all likeli-
hood depend upon. The line tet~ con
Albert Lea and Mankato at least will
now be built.
Little Falls herald., 1905-12-22
SUICIDE AT STAPLES
Theodore Nelson Throws
Himself Under a Pas
senker Train.

One Of the most terrible things tha,
has happened in Staples tor many
q day happened Monday night when
Theo. Nelson deliberately threw him.
self under passenger train No. 8, just
az it was pulling oot, says the Sta
pies Tribune.
It seems he had Just been released
from the Fergus Falls hospital and
purchased q ticket for Duluth, coming
In here on the branch train jnst q
few minutes before. Tbs only eye
witness of the deed was Harry Maher,
chief night dispateher, who says the
man ran around the store house and
when the train started. made a rush
throwing himself under the baggage
car. His head was severed from his
BODY, both arms and bis body were
frightfullv crushed.
The remains were gathered up and
put In the store house until morning,
when DR.. Cameron. who had been ap-
pointed deputy coroner, viewed them.
1t was clearly~a case of suicide and no
inquest was coneidered necessary.
The body was then takeh to Miller g
undertaking rooms where it is being
held until some Of his relatives and
the asylum authorities can be CON-
municated with.
Several letters we're found in his
pockets from q man by the name of
Benson, Of Cloquet, and he has been
wired for information. Beyond this,
nothing is known of the unfortunate
mans relatives or home.
Little Falls herald., 1905-12-22
HE'S FROM MISSOURI
Therefore Sheriff Tanner
Shows a Horse Thief -.
The Way Back

Roy Stout. aged 20 years. whe
admits stealing a colt from The
stable of Moses Coe of Belle Prairie
on the night of Nov. Itch. sis In the
county Jail awaiting trial, having
betn traced to Missouri ard brought
ba:k from there BY Sheriff tanner.
Stont's sister is married Is Chse.
Stickney, and they make their home
with Mr.. Goes family. Stout disap.
peared when the colt did. and was at
once suspected. Sheriff Tanner has
bean on bis trail ever since ;.
Stout cane to this county from Mis-
souri, last summer. and lived with
Mr.. BuRh in Belle Prairie. working
here and ttere His mother is dead,
and his father is in the Natit nal Sol.
6ers' Home at Leaveuwo.th, Kansas.
Stout went to Wright comfy with
the horse, and sold it for $50 TO man
living in ANAL! town repreaentinQ
Little Falls herald., 1905-12-22

that be got 1t from q farmer who
owed him. Sheriff Gran, of Wright
county. who had received one of
Sheriff Tanners circulars. notified
Mr.. Tanner, and Mr.. Coe went down
last week and got the horse.
From Wright county Stout went
southwark, and was traced 10 his old
haunts in Missouri Correspondence
between Sheriff Tanner and the an.
thorities of Gentry county led to the
arrest of Stout, who admitted mis-
guilt, and said he would come back
without requisition Papers. The Mis-
souri, constable who captured Stout
wired Sheriff Tanner to bring the
reward with him. not being z&taIe,
apparently, that rewards are not paid
till after conviction
The sheriff returned with the pri-
soner Tuseday night. Stout may take
advantage Of the law allowing accused
to plead guilty before the regular
term of court
Little Falls herald., 1905-12-22
West Daring

Dec. l8.-There will not be any
Christmas festival at the school il
District 85. The new bell was placed
in position Saturday and could be
heard over two miles. The tesohe,
i. still ill and school will not open
till jar. Stb.
Several young people were q,
Beautiful Point Saturday and had q
fine time.
August landau and Fred Ahlbera
of Upsals, were here ON q visit "a
our king, whom they had not seen
for 10 years. They went to Randall
today and nearly got lost coming
home. They noticed few settlers
In sections 30 and 81, and wanted
to know what was the matter with
tho land.
Maple Grove Farmer hauled hsy
for Darling Grove farmer this week.
The grass widows seem very busy
nowadays, but the grass widows VISIT
the king often.
There 10 good sleiehing In the
woods.
Bachelor % will have . party
Christmas evening. Of course the
best girl expects q fine present.
August Blomquist will soon leave
for Rockford, NJ, to settle up the
estate of his brother, who died q
year ago, and will be gone about
three weeks.
David Carlson is still at the Brain.
erd hospital.
Little Falls herald., 1905-12-22
LASTRUP

Dec. 2O.-Ben Munti{er of st.
Cloud is here visiting bis uncles, Jos.
and Louis Brinkman and John Brum-
mer.
The ten months old baby Of Mr.. and
Mrs. Theo. Urtman died Of convul-
sions on Monday morning. The funer-
al took place at 3 o'clock ON Thursday
morning fromSt Johns church, Rev.
John sand oficiatiDg.
Mr.. Priglmeier Of Pierx is hauling
his grain to Paul Hoheisel's place to
get It thresned. 80
Louis Schlagel has returned homo
from Meier's Grove, where he was
employed during the summer.
Little Falls herald., 1905-12-22
A PLEASANT SURPRISE PARTY.

A PLEASANT SURPRISE PARTY.
Thursday evening". Dec. 14tb, a few
of the members of Workman Post. g.
A. r., accompanied by some of t: 9
ladies of the W. r c., rot mp sur
prise party on Commander John
Brooks at his home sontt east of the
CITY. As be did not have camp or
picket guards out, the surprise was
complete. Among those pre- ent y ere
Comrades D.. Corbin and wife. W. r.
Green and vie. J. Z. Burial and
wife, J. J. Clark and wife, 8. j. Bry-
ant and wife, NJ. Bryant VIM. Sum-
ner and wife, Mrs. L. Wood. Mrs. r.
franklin, Mrs. Belle Woods and
daugbter, and Miss Thorpe. Comrades
Corbin and Brooks played the violin
and Mrs. J. G. Burial was at the or.
gan. Dancing was INDUCED in till q
late hour. All enjoved themselves
and appreciated the fine lu:ch served
at midnight. The sergeant major and
the officers of the guard took short
cut home on the Rich Prairie road,
but the officer of tie day and quarter.
master took the old track. Commander
Brooks will have to keep a picket out
at all times, fox be was such q pleas
ant host he may be surprised again.
Little Falls herald., 1905-12-22

After the Woodmen meeting Friday
evening q relief association was or.
ganized, to pay sick and accident
benefits. The officers of tho camp for
next year Will be the first officers of
tho new association. as follows:
President-J. W. Cross6eld.
Vice Presldent-E. A. Loucks.
1ecretary-N. N. Bergheim.
Treesurer-J. r. Hoblit.
duo will be g 8 year. and s. q
week benefits will be paid. for eight
Waeks disability In any, ono year.
Such associations have proven success
full elsewhere, and should in Little
Z Falls.
Stephen T.. Vassly, who was elected
consul Of the Woodmen camp for tee
coming year, declined the position at
tho last meeting on account of press
of other business, and J. W. Cross
field was elected.
Little Falls herald., 1905-12-22

Grey Eagle Cor. Long Prairie
Democrat: Hurt Thompson has given
up his job of prison guard at Stillwat-
or and he and his family arrived in
Grey Eagle last Wednesday, where
they will make their home again. We
understand Burt will keep -four and
feed store for r. 81. Sitter. A broth
er OF Mrs. Ben Budde from Fort Rip
Icy Is staying with her for the winter
and will help Mr.. Budde in tho depot
this winter. Mr.. and Mls. Dell
Ward of Little Falls visited her par:
ents, Mr.. and Mrs. John Dix Sr., last
week.
Little Falls herald., 1905-12-22

The Red Men tribe will have q big
DOW WOW and Cog feast in February.
to commemorate their sixth anniyer-
cary. Special preparations viii be
made to make the event q notable
one: Great Sachem Melander is ex.
pected to be present.
Little Falls herald., 1905-12-22
co. EMPLOYE IN.
JURED,

Sam. r. Davis. . lineman in the
employ Of the Northwestern Tele.
phone Exchange Co.. was hurt quite
badly Monday morning in . peculiar
way. He was standing at the base Of
. pole in front of St. Martins barber
shop on Broadway, and q tackle bloch
fell from the top of the pole and
struck him on the side of the fore.
head, cutting . gasb, and fracturine
the frontal bone.
Mr.. Davis was taken to the hos.
pital. and is doing we'll. He will re-
cover. The block weighed q little
over q pound. Mr.. Davis recently
moved here. His family live in the
Vssaly block.
Little Falls herald., 1905-12-22

The forty-third annual convention
of Minnesota teachers will be held in
st. Paul on Dec. 81 to &c. 4 one fare
round trip good for all persons who
pay one dollar to join the Association
kss been secured. An unusual]v
strong program has been announced,
including addresses by Governor John.
son, DR.. 0unsaulus. the great Chicago
preacher. Miss Jane Adams. the lead.
or in American sett]oment work,
President Northrop, and many others.
Twenty section meetings will fur.
nish help and Inspiration to teachers
in every aeld Of work. Every teacher
ought to go.
Little Falls herald., 1905-12-22
THE POsTOFFICE "CONSPIRA
CY.n

Postmaster Editor Fuller of the
transcript is ''seeiDg things.'' he has
discovered evidence of a deer, dark
plot to remove his officlsl seal o. He
feels as attached to the job as Dor:
ons plaster to fat mans back. He
points to the numerous Improvements
made during his official career as
proof that he is good Official. There
has been a general belief that Uncle
Sam pays..for those improvements
with the money Of the people. That
may be an error.
Postmaster Fuller's term expires
late IN January. 1t has been the gen.
eral belief that he would be reap
pointed It is rumored that although
Congressman Buckman could please
his friend exceedingly by sending IN
bis recommendation, he has not yet
done 80. The recent statements pub.
]ished that the president would retain
or discharge postmasters without ref.
erence to the will of the congressman
mas stirred up the postmaster question
in several cities, and possibly that is
what ls agitating some good republi-
cans of Little Falle. Whatever ICON
spiracy'' is on foot relative to the
Little Falls postmaster, is entirely re-
ppblican In origin. scope and intent.
We are Informed that charges have
Aeen filed with the department that
Fostmaster Foller does not attend tc
the duties of his Office as prescribed
by the rules Of the department. That
is small matter. if true. and &c
doubt can be satisfactorily explained.
The general public has no objection
to improvements of every description
in the postal service. That's what
tho people Dav their money for
Little Falls herald., 1905-12-22
The COON LAKE DITCH.

Swanville News IS: A delegation
If those interested in the ditch that
was to drain Coon Lake, Long Lake,
and Tamarack Lake went to Little
Falls Monday to see what could be
done in regards to getting the ditch
through. It seems that the board of
viewers were very narrow minded
lot and could not sec the ditch as
the people saw it, nor as Surveyor
Fem saw it, and knowing the sltua-
tion as we'll as we do, we cannot un-
derstand how the viewers could report
unfavorably on ssld ditch. as it would
be great benefit to the whole section
of &C untry through which it runs.
Little Falls herald., 1905-12-22
FARMERS MEETING MONDA Y

FARMERS MEETING MONDA z
There was fair attendance Monday
atternooc at the court house at the
farmers meeting called to discuss the
Exchange movement.
President o. Nj. MAJOR of tha state
exchange made long address, ex-
planning the work carried On, describ-
ing conditions and advocating reme-
dies for improving the condition of
the fa' mer. The address, was a prac-
ticsl and illuminating one. Mr.. Ma
jor urged the farmers to stand by tho
local exchange. and pointed out the
good results obtainable from intelli-
gent cooperation. Secretary KulI of
the local exchange made an encourag-
ing address, and thought the EXCHANGE
had certainly justified its existence in
many ways. Mayor Vassly made a
few remarks on the success of cooper
alton In Europe and this country.
Little Falls herald., 1905-12-22

County Auditor Butler received bids
BY sections on the proposed Ditch No.
-. Wednesday. Harrison & Peterson
secured . large part Of the sections,
and tho balance will again be offered.
Mr.. Doyle of st. Cloud was the other
bidder.
Little Falls herald., 1905-12-22
RANDALL.

Dec. 20.-The annual meeting o:
the Randall cooperative ci Amety as.
ISOLATION will be held in the VILLAGE
hall 10 Randall on Jan. Q, 1905, at l
O'Clock p. m. The meeting will be
for the election of officers and trans
action of any other business required
BY laws Of said association. It was
the intention of the management to
secure q good speaker for that day to
give instructions on the dairyipe in
dustry, but tho day is too short and
some part of the meeting might have
to be neglected Some time in the
near future meeting Of that kind
will be held if An Instructor can be
secured.
Two diamond drills have arrived
here and are now being set in place
to test for iron ore. Either drill at
present will not be nearer to Randall
than about four miles, although the
best reading discovered 80 far Is in
Randall village on Sec. 6.
Fhos. Peterson and Ole Rudvid are
working for the iron ore company and
claim they are buying options On
lands almost every day. They say
they want to buy Sec. 1, Sec. II and
Section 10. in Parker. but will cosL a
mere trif1e to buy option on some OF
the farms In said sections.
e. M. Edbourg, school treasurer IF
District No. "a, Clouah town, was in
the village one day this week trying
to get bondsmen, as the bondsmen he
had had resigned. owing to some
little difficulty which is not very ub-
licly known.
Franklin Lucas started Monday for
Lake Shaminaw. to move his saw
mill from there to Randall. He ex-
poets to set up on Marion Churchill' g
place. where there will be a good big
set to cut, particularly go if 60 ID
sleighing continues.
And rev Hiscock spent two days
and night in Little Falls last week
going through dental operation. He
says he came home shy eleven teeth,
besides operating expenses.
J. K. Stephenson was at Little Falls
on business last week. His buajnesa
was 90 extensive that he came home
between times to see how his neigh.
bors were getting along.
Two parties whose names are not
known and who claimed to be from
noAuoA spout q u0y IN Altt4e ais
last week on business. They also
spent q night In Green Prairie not
knowing whether they were in Green
Prairie or Greenland.
Rob. Thrall. Andrew Olson and w.
J. England did the hauling of the
drilling machinery. They each had
several loads.
E. NJ. Edbourg returned from Min.
neapolis were he has been doing car.
penter work.
Ed. Strand came home last week
from Fargo. where he had been since
the 4th working at carpenter work.
st. Cloud Journal Press 18: F. W.
Hilaer of Roscoe, who owns a CLAIM,
Of $40 acres in the iron belt near
Randall. came to st. Cloud last night
loaded with aamples of iron ore
which he is going to take to the as.
saying Offices of the cities to deter
mine the value of the stuff. Mr..
Hilger stated that the Mcdonald Ex
plorlng Company of Randall, i1
which ne holds an interest, has &C.
cured a new drill with which tnt
company will LOOK for more ore.
Little Falls herald., 1905-12-22

Andrew Johnston came home from
Valley City. N. D., last week and ID
at st. 0abriel's hospital. Mr. JGhn:
ston was caught In q blizzard, a fan
weeks ago. and bis foot badly frozen
II wa In cad condition when he
reached home. not having haa proper
care. The big toe will have 20 bt
amputated. LII. Fort,er Is attendino.