Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1905-09-30


almost felt pity for those who were
not
Mrs. Bowser felt that the eyes of the
world were upon her when she got
out her cookbook and set to work.
The cook offered no less than forty-fye
different hints and suggestions while
the cake was being made, but as none
of them was thankfully accepted she
contented herself with secretly hoping
that the cake would be q failure A
hoodoo certainly overlook it. It seem
ed to be all right when put into the
oven, and 1t seemed to be all right
when taken out and set aside to keep,
but when brought ON the table at the
proper moment and when Mr.. Bowser
was feeling that he couldn't survive
another minute a transformation had
taken place. The cake was full Of
it was bow legged it was cross eyed
and red headed; it looked as if it had
made the trip to the Philippines and
back on an army transport. The cook
had twinkle in her eye as she brought
1t In, and Mrs. BOwser looked it over
and grew pale at the rate of a mile a
minute.
"What In the name of Christopher Co.
lumbus and General Jackson do you
call thatv' exclaimed Mr.. Bowser as he
half rose to get a better look.
I'll thought it was a strawberry
shortcake."
Didn't you think it was an old frost
bitten pumpkin that had been jumped
on by about forty schoolboys?"
II can't understand it. It was all
right half an hour ago"
."Well, in half an hour more it will
probably be walking around the room
If that's one of the old fashioned
strawberry shortcakes your mother
used to make it's no wonder your
father fell over log at the age Of
forty and broke his neck"
"But followed the cookbook"
Cookbook? You said you knew
how to make one"
"I-I thought I did,"
"And yesterday the cook thought she
did God bless our homer
Mr.. Bowser went up to the sitting
room, and Mrs. Bowser followed. He
at once put on his hat and made ready
to go out.
"Will you be gone long" she asked.
II can't say. 1t may be hours be-
fore I return, and you needn't sit up.
You and your old strawberry short
| cake can 60 to bed whenever you
please. 1 am going down to restau-
rant. I am going to order strawberry
shortcake. I am going to order and
order and order. I am going to eat
and eat and eat. I am going to sit
right there and order and eat until
the bill is million dollars. It may
take five hours; 1t may take five
years."
He brought up In a restaurant five
blocks away and asked for old fash
Toned strawberry shortcake. 1t proved
to be old fashioned. The crust was a
| good imitation Of leather. with sal
eratus lingering In the taste, and the
berries were SO small In size and SO,
few in number that they ratified
around and seemed lonesome. Mr..
| Bowser wouldn't have eaten it at his
own table, but the thought that he
was spiting Mrs. Bowser put an edge
| to his appetite and he worried along
until he had finished his third order.
The waiter betrayed no establishment.
| He had seen folks drop dead in that
restaurant. The third piece had hard
| ~ been finished when Mr.. Bowser felt
a pain. 1t was neither in his toe nor
heart. Before he could turn pale he
was seized with a second. He got up
and started for the door, but was
called back and characterized as a
deadbeat because he had forgotten
the bill. This brought him other pains
By the time he reached the door he
was having it hard, and sympathetic
! policeman who noticed his condition
laid hand on his shoulder and said:
$50 home old man. You've taken a
couple Of drinks too many, but don't
want to run you in
1T isn't whisky, but our strawberry
shortcake," explained the waiter at the
door, eve call the brand the Non
pareil, and it will knock 'em out every
time"
Then the officer rang for the ambu
lance and Mr.. Bowser was sent home.
He arrived at his gate with seven
groans and sigh, and was helped into
the house and the doctor sent for. AT
the end Of an hour the medical man
said to Mrs. Bowser:
"Oh, yes, he will live, and about tur-
nip time he will eat bushel or two
Of raw ones and want my services
again. The only way you can kill him
is with an aX!' NJ QUAD.