The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1905-12-25
WALKER WAS
INITIATED
Advertisers Washington
Correspondent on
Gridiron.

speciaI correspondent at Washington,
was one of the three new members mi
tiated at the annual dinner of the
capital on December 9.
The Gridiron Club is a unique organ
ization and maintained by newspaper
men. The annual meeting is a time
when the clubs motto. Reporters are
never present and ladies are always
present" is in effect. The motto con-
structiveIy sets the boundaries alike Tor
freedom and limitation of speech. 1t IS
a time when any man. from the chleI
magistrate of the nation to the num-
blest scribbIer is made target OF
witticisms Tableau in which distin-
guished officials are ridiculed are novel.
In connection with the initiation of MI.
Walker. the Washington Star says:
Great curiosity was manifested over
the curtained stage which stood in the
center of the east wall. The company
was not left long in suspense. When the
oysters had been diSpa tched the lights
in the hall went out and the curtain OF
the stage was drawn, disclosing weird
scene. 1t was a cave in the inferno
skeleton stood in one corner, shedding
a baIeful CLEAN from its eyeless skull
In the other corner an owl blinked at
demon perched on a rock.
In the center of the stage were three
large gridirons. beneath which a realis-
tic arrangement of electric lights gave
the effect of glowing Goals. The grand
inquisitor," carrying the big stick
was seated in a chair and at his left
stood his head devil. Near them were
three cowled figures placarded as Sec
rotary Root, Secretary Shaw and Secre-
tary Taft.
Down the aisle came three members
of the club recently elected who were
to be initiated, Messrs. z. G.. Walker,
r. V. Oulahan and J. H. Small, Jr-, es-
corted by representative of the club
The initiates were placed upon the
glowing gridirons, where they squirmed
and groaned.
'.Here are three candidates for ad-
mission to the Gridiron Club" said the
fnterIocutor. ''They are in a sad predlc-
ament Two of them were caught red
handed in writing special dispatches on
cabinet matters. The third is suspected
of having voted the regular republican
ticket at the last election. They are
now in the hands of the grand induisi-
tor and his cabinet. May heaven have
mercy upon them. They have been
doomed to torment until the Keep COM
mission makes good
'.Then their punishment is eternal,
remarked President Carson.
A warning flourish of the big stick
emphasized disapproval of this criti-
cism.
This man should be done to a turn"
said Secretary Roots proxy, prodding
the unfortunate Oulahan with a toast
ing fork. He dared to ask me if had
attended a cabinet meeting. He has
printed in his paper that our head devil
owns stock in the government printing
office. His alleged election was accom-
plished by corrupt and criminal COM
bination masquerading as Gridironers-
Where does he stand on the railway
rate question:"
Give him transportation and he
cares not who makes the rates" where
at the grand inquisitor mods approval
and shakes the big stick.
Then Secretary Shaw's proxy adj
vanced to the squirming Walker, and
after vigorous poke with the toasting
fork, declared:
Let justice be done though the mar
kets fall This man came to the
Treasury Department and asked me if
it were true that the grand inquisitor
had instructed me to give twenty-five
millions to Wall street. I was on the
point of yielding when I glanced at the
head devils letter of instruction which
[ keep on my desk before me- I show
ed no weakness and had no pity for
him, but Immediately sent for the press
association and told them a funny
story
Secretary Taft then fell upon the
writing Mr.. Small with his fork and
said:
This is a George B. Cox republican.
Had [ not been away on a trip
should have gone home and voted
against him. I would swap my presi-
Dental chances for a seat on the su-
preme bench before 1 would admit him
to the club. He is the product of a
corrupt machine
Hold on You are very much mis-
taken. This is a Gridron daisy and
was raised by hand He is a flower of
the Small and Early variety"
Then, the grand inquisitor rising, |
said:
G-e-n-t-l-e-m-e-n: This is an ex-
tremely embarrassing situation. There
has been misunderstanding of orders |
all around. 1t is all due to the bIunder- |
ing of my head devil in sending YOU |
the letter I dictated. It is needless to !
say that his mistake is inexcusa BILE. |
tTurning to Oulahan.) You must re- |
member, Mr. Oulahan, that my head
devil is immune, You have been suffi- |
GENTLY toasted. Head devil, release |
him.
Mr.. Walker, you must take dinner |
with me- I have a new book to discuss |
with you. 1t is by James b Reynolds |
and entitled If Fish were Hides, where
would Crane Lodge?'
Mr.. Small, we will assign you to |
Secretary Wilson's department. He
needs a practical man. He has too |
many experts in his business
Boys, we've had bully time: let |
US express our renewed relationship in |
a song