Bismarck daily tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, Dakota [N.D.]) 1881-1916, 1905-01-12
van HORN EXPLAINS X

Itt~
| z -. 49, 49, ~, j
EXPLAINS WHY He eoLTED THE
RANKS or THE SINGLE
BLESSED.
HE land WIFE ARE THE REciPI-
ENTs OF HANDSOME PRES
EMIT. S7fs lss$ss2
H Pioneer Hose Company No. i, Of
which A. Van Horn is one Of the
ancient and honored members, waited
upon the latter gentleman at his home
last evening ana demanded to be told
why" = <5s# sSs atss
They were very. cordially received
BY their old comrade (who had, some
how had quiet tip that they were
coming) and after congratulati Ions on
bis recent marriage refreshments
were served. s .
u was then decided. that the ancient
and honored member and bachelor
tel Vhys; he had % suddenly and III:
expsctedlY stolen march on the
boys. Heereplied as follows: 4 n,
Brother Firemen and Friends.
was not born ~ " orator, nor have tie Gle,
paths Of life made me one. there.
fore submit this explanation: to, You,
knowing full well that the occasion
would arise and and one be demanded.
OFF Last annual outing in
August, discovered that ali our mem;
beers were married men except Fire
men, McCormick. suntquist, From
ming and myself It struck me as be.
ing strange that only four out OF q
membership o. twenty-five were
,bachelors. When | nrst joined TIL,
company only one or two Of q much
larger membership were married men.
s'.I undertook to Investigate TIE
cause, Of this radical change in thase,
social relations, and / had not gone
very far whenI discovered that all Of
the above named bachelors except
myself were making strenuous efforts
to desert bachelorhood. Now fellow
fremen; I am positive and have ii
from the most reliable sources, and
am willing to furnish you all kinds OF
evidence, clues, etc. I saw the race
was on and that must at once go
into training or i would be last If no,
forever barred from a chance to com
pete, with the remaining single mem
bers Of Pioneer Hose Co. No. 1. in a
matrimonial race.
II admit that I attempted to do this
training on the @. T., doing most of it
IN the evening, using the side streets,
in town and the by-roads in the coun.
try. For awhile / thought was fool.
ing the boys in great shape, but it
was only a short time before one of
the above mentioned members had the
gall to stop me and say: Say, Van,
when did you get into this race, are
you in for fun and to jolly us or are
you on the square?' Later l was told
that was a professional and they
would have me barred if continued
to keep up the pace. Finally I was
heldup one night and was told con-
fidentially that the boys had been
timing me, and if I did not postpone
the race so as to give them more time
to train and work so they might i'm.
prove their wind, q suppose they
meant nerve and courage) they would
jamb' my coupling; cut the hose, and
Job the time keeper. OF. course 1
wanted to be fair with them SO gave
them until after the holidays. But
gentlemen, they are slow ones. So l
went in quietly and won the race.
Since winning have been served
with several protests from these
nnsesrryyeless bachelors. and T.. am, in
I
formed that copies Of same are now on
flleawith the secretary.
-. T appeal to all members Of Pioneer
Hose Co. No. l. for q decision on this
race in my favor and against these
slow, bashful,, nervelessa bachelors,
and before the vote Is taken, I wish
to state that In this case i believe all
the married members should stand to.
gether.
Zone word to my old chums who are
here tonight. You all had observed
that the race had narrowed down to
Philbrick and I. ss
Now Phil has told me many cbn-
fidential things in our ups and downs
In life as bachelors together. These
! can not and will not divulge to you.
"You know however that room
mates sometimes talk In their sleep.
Not many months ago had the pleas