The Hood River glacier. (Hood River, Or.) 1889-1933, 1905-12-14

Big Irish cop he laugh an say,
"You gattin' real swell trade today ;
OATS Russia Sage"
Exchange.
Chelan, Wash, experienced an
earthquake shock December 3. No
damage was done except to roll the
water in the deeper wells. Exchange.
Next.
The merchants at Pendleton seem to
be pretty easy lately. Most any old
kind of check goes there "Iim, the
Penman" has been Tl9y,d to finish
by two gentlemen NLo Ncle cut of
funds. Albert Percy Watmough Ev-
ans was the star in the first act, and
@. M. Graham appeared in the last
with marked success, having passed
two bogus checks for S25 each. 1t
was case of "and the check came
back.
A Eugene man named Frank Fuller,
while waiting for train in the Union
depot, Portland, was accosted by a
stranger who asked him to 60 to a
neighboring saloon and have a drink.
Fuller consented and on the way to
irrigate they met an expressman who
stopped Fuller's companion and told
him that he had an express package
for him that had charges to the
amount of S25 on it. The expressman
demanded the money at once and
told Fuller's newly found friend that
if he didn't produce he would call the
police. OF course the stranger didn' t
have it. Fuller did. The. expressman
got the money and Fuller's compan-
ion--wby be disappeared.
TIE inimitable Mark Twain cele-
brated his 70th birthday December
5, In honor of the occasion, George
Harvey, manager and editor of the
Harpers' Bros. publications. gave q
dinner to nun htr OF the most cele-
brated authors and editors in the
country. Mr. Clemeus was there, of
course, and as EsuGl, made a speech.
His remarks do not SAVIOR very much
of old age, as the reader will observe
fro the following:
81 have achieved my 70 years in the
usual way, by stickin- strictly to a
scheme of my life which would kill
anybody else. 1t sounds like an ex-
aggeration, but that is really the com
mon rule for attaining old age. We
have no permanent habits until we
are 10. Then they begin to harden,
presently they petrify, then business
begins. Since 40 have been regular
about going to bed when there was
not anybody left to sit up with, and
| have made it rule to get up when
| had to. This has resulted in an un-
swerving regularity Of irregularity.
In the matter of diet, which is an
other main thing, | have been persist
emily strict in sticking to the things
which didn't agree with me until one
or the other of us got the best of it.
Until lately got the best of it my
self. But last spring | stopped frol-
licking with mince pie after mid
night; up to then | had always be-
lieved i wasn't loaded. For 30 years
| have taken colfee and bread at in
the morning and no bite nor sup till
7 80 in the evening.
81 have made it a rule never to
smoke more than one gar at time.
| have no other restriction as regards
smoking, As for drinking, | have no
rule about that. When the others
drink, | like to help; otherwise re-
main dry, by habit and preference.
This dryness does not hurt me, but it
could easily hurt you, because you are
different. You let it alone.
"Since | was years old have sell
dom taken a dose { medicine and
have still seldom needed one. But
up to 7 lived exclusively on allo-
pathic medicines, not that | needed
them, for | dou't think | did. 1t was
for economy. My father took drug
store for debt and it made codliver
oil cheaper than the other breakfast
foods. | was the first Standard Oil
trust. / had it all, By the time the
drug store was exhausted nv health
wss established, and there has never
been much the matter with me since. "
New York rt last las heard of Hood
River, and Pop" Bowers las met
Broadway
Mr.. Bowers, who runs hotel here
abouts, sas meandering down the
broad Nhito path of the metropolis
one afternoon when he came suddenly
upon familiar sight. In the win
dow of a fruit stand he saw uhat look
ed nightly like basket of Spitzen-
bergs. He called the proprietor.
Are those Hood River apples, be
asked
"Yes, sir; direct from Oregon. 4"
"Give ne three, " and the hotel man
tossed the merchant a dime.
The latter hemmed and hawed few
moments, and replied, apologetically ;
"Beg pardon, sir, but those apples
sell for 20 cents apiece"
"Pop" looked into the face of the
dealer and blandly inquired: "Why?"
"Well sir, there are the railroad
rates to pay--the freight, sir-do you