davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-10-18
GLOBE SIGHTS.

CFrom the Atchison Globe.l
Crepe on a saloon door never looks
just right.
It always sounds funny to hear fat
woman say she is nervous.
There is a certain worthless little man
he is chalking a billiard cue for another
shot.
Mean husbands and mean fathers are
not as common as they used to be-
Civilization is bluffing the mean man
more and more.
There is nothing so disappointing as
to have one take you aside to tell you
a great secret, and then discover that
you already know it.
Mrs. Lysander John Appleton enter
tanned lately, and she meant her affair
to be q social function but it turned
out to be a tacly party.
A woman was "fussing" with a man
today about the men. If you weren't
present" the man said, Il could say a
good deal about womenS'
A man lay dying at Coolidge, of old
age. The neighbors insisted on calling
on him, and saying: What's the mat
ter? You are looking thinl"
Dyed whiskers look pretty well until
they begin to turn blue. And you old
fellows should remember that dyed
whiskers always turn blue. finally
very strange thing happened in
Atchison last week: the friends of a
man about to be married went around
with him, and helped him pick out his
lingerie.
There isn't any song much more
mournfuI to a fathers heart than that
which the sewing machine sings when
it is getting his daughters wedding
outfit ready
An Atchison man has such wretched
luck that there is some talk of sending
fn COLLEGE
that when he returns, a doctor, there
viii be no sickness in the town.
A certain Atchison woman is pretty
smart. But there are plenty other
smart people, and because she does not
attract a great deal Of attention, she
keeps butting in and makes fool of
herself
A very polite man was in town today.
He said to Drake Watson How well
you are lookingl Most people say to
him: You area looking thin. What S
the nlatter2'' It makes Drake very mad,
but there is no relief.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-10-18
AYHAWKER JOTS

A Coffey county man got nearly 80
bushels of sweet potatoes from 200
plants.
at Neodesha this fall. but walnuts and
pecans are scarce.
A Neodesha woman paid eight dol
lars on subscription to the Register
man the other day and he was I'M
conscious for hours as result Of the
shock.
The waKeeney Independent hands
out nice brown roast for Congress-
man Reeder more than a month before
Thanksgiving time, when roasts are
really due.
A chicken thief without the fear of
the anti-chicken stealing law in his
heart, got a hundred fine hens in d
single raid the other night near
Scottsville.
A Russell man was visiting in Wy
andOtte county recently and came
across some small chestnut trees. He
dug them up and proposes to try to
make them grow out on the prairies-
and that's 10 chestnut
You didn't know peaches except
the 16-year-old kind-gTew out on the
Colorado line. did your Well, the
Goodland Republic tells of one man
who raised % bushels this year, some
of his trees yielding a bushel each.
A Kansas anti-prohibition paper
explains that the reason there are no
joints in some communities is because
the people keep it at home. The Kan
sas country editor can think of all
kinds of reasons for things when he
just sets about it.
The Coffeyviile Journal certifies that
G. T. Carpenter, vice president of
the Condor National bank, discovered
a freak OF nature at his residence a
few days ago in the shape of a singing
mouse. The little animal will stand
on its hind feet and the noise it
makes is said to resemble that of a
canary. The animal is understood and
an effort viii be made to capture it
alive. It is unusual to ind a mouse
with this popularity. although a few
have been heard Of in various parts of
the country.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-10-18
POINTED PARAGRAPHS.

LFrom the Chicago News.l
A piece of ones mind is never an ac-
ceptable gift.
Character is a composite picture of
our virtues and vices.
A foot Of land never requires the ser
vices of a chiropodist.
Tt is always safe to suspect a man
who has an eye on your safe.
The sermon that wins the most praise
touches the fewest sore spots.
Nothing pleases a silly woman more
than a compliment she doesn't deserve
No married man ever has more money
than his wife knows what to do with.
Patients of the average physician
have more confidence in him than he
has in himself.
Many a good man tumbles into the
gutter because women insist on walk
ing four abreast on the pavement
1t sometimes happens that one could
earn IS in half the time he spends in
trying to get rid of a dime with . hole
in it.
The young man who never encounter
ed pin in the vicinity Of his best
girls waist line either knows his bust
ness or is dead slow.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-10-18
JOURNAL ENTRIES

A Topeka man is so unlucky that
he never gets hurt when he is carrying
accident insurance.
woman always thinks coquetry is
silly-in some other woman.
Ever notice how white sf5oes and
stockings loom up on muddy day?
The arrest of a man for shooting
without a hunters license is causing
some comment. This is n0thing new
however. Men have even been sent to
the penitentiary for shooting-shoOt-
ing craps.
1t must be admitted that the revela-
tons in the insurance Investigations
have been fully up to the advance no.
tees sent out by Mr.. Thomas w. Law
son.
A DEFINITION.
POLICY holder. CSee Easy Mark -
From the Insurance Presidents Die
tionary.
This is the time of year when the
IgoTrote puts on his trousers and goes
back to live in Redmondville or some
other coIored suburb.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-10-18
- RHTNoCEROs.

THE RTzINOCEROS.
You've heard Of the rhinoceres
(AIy. that gives me q fright
I had to seek a lexicon
To see I'd spelled it right.
If beauty's truly skin deep the
Old rhinos has q cinch-
HIS skins three inches thick at least
If it's a single inchl
He has a funny paiEs-brush tai
And stubby little toes,
And a great single horn adorns
The middle of his nose.
I said the middle Of his nose
If had thought my mentor,
The editor, would let it pass,
I would have said the ''scenter.
The rhino is almost like folks
That we meet every day
Because he sticks his nose in things
In just the selfsane way.
If every little boy in town
Had a thick skin like that
He could be bad and never know
Where papa spanked him at
Houston Post.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-10-18

Criminal insurance" said a detee-
tive, lis the insurance that thieves and
blacklegs take out in case of arrest.
For instance: You are a second-story
man. You make about $4,000 a year.
the average second-story mans in
come, and you carry an insurance of
$1,000, for which you pay the big pre-
MUM of $125 a year. Now, if you are
arrested the insurance company steps
forward and hands you $1,000. Thus
you are able to get the best of lawyers
for your defense. Receivers of stolen
goods are usually rich, and it is these
men as a rule who carry on the crimi-
nal insurance business. I know of a
criminal insurance company Philadel-
phia, another in New York and a third
in st. Louis. The policies run from
500 up to $1,000 and the premiums
are always enormous. This is because
the danger of arrest is so great. Be
sides the criminal insurance concerns
know of a curious beneficial organ
ization that is conducted among the
criminals of Illinois. Each member of
the organization pays in 81 a week,
and IN case Of imprisonment his family
receives IS weekly as To- as his SEN
tence lasts. Chicago Chronicle.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-10-18
FROM OTHER PENS
ELIHU ROOT.

The country, and particularly the
Republican party, should feel a sense
of qualification at the presence of Mr.
Root in his Office at the state depart-
ment. It is a place Of great impOr-
lance, and he is a man of .extraordi-
nary ability. He has come for prac-
tically a full term of service, and at a
time when opportunities will present
themselves for good work. Our
foreign affairs are never of the COM
monplace order, and they will not lose
interest because of the smoothing of
wars wrinkled front. With the world
at peace our relations with foreign
powers take on an added consequence
We are out for all the foreign trade
that snap and gumDtion can secure,
and our foreign service, which should
assist in the matter must, in order to
be thoroughly effective, be most wisely
directed. Mr.. Root at the head of the
state department insures this, and
much besides. and his hold on matters
generally will be all to the good
Washington Star
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-10-18
ANOTHER COLEMAN VICTORY

The Kansas attorney general has
won another Of his famous legal VIC
tories. Mr.. Coleman went all the way
to Washington a few days ago to urge
the United States supreme court to
hear the arguments in the Kansas
Colorado water suit in the immediate
future, so that decision could be had
by next spring. And the court did
just what most courts seem to have a
faculty for doing when Mr.. Coleman
makes an argument for anything -it
decided the other way. A Washington
dispatch says nine months win be given
for fling briefs in the case. which will
then be argued in October, 1906.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-10-18

The manager of the Seattle Street
Railway company is a refOrmers and
doesn't know it. He says that there
will be no more Owl cars on that sys-
tenn; that all cars viii stop running at
midnight. Ever think that the Owl car
is the friend os the midnight prOwler
and loafer who would be in bed at
home were there no cars after midnight?
No man has any business to be on the
streets after -, and no woman, either
If Owl cars were taken tsf everywhere
society events would terminate several
hours earlier, and employees would give
better satisfaction to their employers
the next day.-Atchison Globe.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-10-18
KANSAS COMAENT
ANOTHER POINT or VIEW.

We like a man. with nerve enough
to come out and say what he has 10
say, II is enc OF the first and surest
indications Of an honest purpose. There
are lot of people eritieising Congress
man CaIderhead for his stand IN favor
of the railroads which is perfectly prop
er. He deserves it but his stand is a
whole lot more conmendable than that
of the fellow who hopes to sneak into
office by carrying water on both should
ers.-Belleville Freeman.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-10-18

made his agreement, nor state spe-
ciicaiiy that he had knowledge of the
investigation OF the RfaIto company,
nor that the pOstofHce department had
the power to make such an investiga-
ton Judge vandeventer. however.
states that this fOrmality is necessary
to bar any future prosecution on the
same charge.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-10-18
QUAKER REFLECTIONS.

IFrom the Philadelphia Record
Good resolutions too often die Of NAL
nutrition.
If it wasn't for hope there would be
no disappointment.
The command of the sun to the collar
is: wilt thou"
II love makes the world go round
where do the cranks come in?
Men are what women make them, and
the world is full OF fools.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-10-18
REFLECTIONS or A BACHELOR
LFrom the New York Press1

LETom inc new Ok Press.l
You can make most anything popular
by passing laws against it.
A good way to have your wife not
display temper is to do it yourself
A woman is afraid to take out an ac-
cident policy for Tear she viii get hurt
There is hardly any work in the world
SO cold as trying to make a fire in the
furnace.
A woman hates to quit being even q
widow if the clothes she has to wear
are becoming to her.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-10-18

It is said that some of the joints fear
that Hoch's campaign. against them will
endanger his chance of reelection. 1t
is noble of the joint to be SO solicitous
of Hoch's welfare politically
vale Republican.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-10-18

You have heard about the Coffeyville
jolntists leading County Attorney Wag-
staff merry life which was true in a
measure but the worm has turned. Yes
terday eight of them. pleaded guilty to
the charges against them and Judge
Flannelly will do the rest.-Cherryvale
Republican.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-10-18

OF course the demand that the New
York Life Insurance company shall pay
back into the company's treasury the
donation to the Republican national
campaign fund comes from Missouri.
The Democrats in that state can now
see how it happened and that Dave Null
vane wasn't entirely responsible for
that state giving it's electoral vote to
Roosevelt.-Parsons Sun.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-10-18

An Arkansas man saw a gold mine
In a dream, and has started the work
of digging the mine. Somebody should
send the Arkansas man a history of
the Trego county gold mines. That was
dream aIso.-Salina Journal.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-10-18

It is announced that Ida M. Tarbell' s
personal sketch of John D. Rockefeller
will not be issued in book form, as was
intended. The attack, it it said appears
to be too PERSONAL The Herald con-
graduates Miss TarbelTs publishers
upon their good judgment or upon their
willingness to accept good advice, which
amounts to the same thing as good
Judgment. When the Tarbell story
about Rockefeller was published in the
magazine athe Herald said it would
make friends for Rockefeller. Miss Tar
bell painted ''oid Roekefeiler's'' wrinkles
and fiabby scalp in such realistic colors
that people lost their appetites and felt
sorry for the man who was so cursed
by natuTe.-Ottawa Herald.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-10-18
THE FIRST Frost.

This Is mine" said the old frost king;
And he left his seal Of white
On the foW ring vine by the wayslde
spring
The flowers died last night.
This is mine,' and he sang in glee
As he touched the blades OF grass
In the nook at the foot of the maple tree
The blades are crisp, alas!
This is mine, too" and his breath so chill
He breathed on the maple leaf;
This morn it fell to the window sill,
Wrinkled and sere with grief.
These are NINE and he chuclxled gay
AS he opened the chestnut burs.
The nuts lie now where the squirrels play
And the partridge drums and whirs.
Horace Seymour Keller in the New York
sun
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-10-18
"a doom ONE

The next thing in the ever changing
panorama Of Kansas life will be the
Semieentennial exposition to be held in
Topeka in 1911. If Kansas makes up
her mind to have an exposition she will
have good one FOR she never does
things by halves.-Lindsbor Record.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-10-18

It is not too late to pass a federal
law forbidding the contribution of
money by corporations to political or
ganizations at elections of representa-
tfves of congress. and with such penal
ties affixed as would fit the crime
Philadelphia Press.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-10-18

Banker Dougherty says his troubles
are due to the wave of reform that is
sweeping over the country. The sup
position that it was due to his being a
thief is therefore incorrect.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-10-18

Jimmie Hyde has agreed to testify
before the insurance investigating
committee. Now perhaps Mccall and
McCurdy viii feel better, for misery
loves company, you know.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-10-18

One of the subjects to be discussed
at coming farmers institute is 1.-THE
Hog on the Farm" 1t must not be
imagined that the farm is the only
place to find hogs, however.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-10-18

Mr.. Rockefeller says he is trying to
cultivate good will to all men," and
evidently hopes that they will be con-
tent to accept the will for the deed
Philadelphia Inquirer.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-10-18

Although Mr.. Wins has been rum
ming for mayor of New York for sew
eral days, it is not yet announced
what he is carrying that line of adj
vertisfnr for.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-10-18

If, by some Unforeseen accident, the
Republican candidate for mayor OF
New York should be elected, it would
be a real instance of the office seeking
ffa
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-10-18

$50 long as am governor the laws
are going to be enforced" Governor
Hoch is quoted as telling the people Of
Cherryvale. That's the kind of talk
When is he going to begin on Tom
TEel17r2
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-10-18

for Subway is not the long word we
used the other day. but unterirdis-
cheeisenbahn. Glad the Germans are
coming down to monosyllables at last.
New York Mail.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-10-18

Perhaps Mr.. Hearst consented to
run for mayor just to keep in prac-
tice and keep his wind from going
back on him.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-10-18

The Ameer of Afghanistan has i'm
ported a dentist from another country.
How would you like to live in a
heather region like that where you had
to hold your swollen jaw while a dem
fist was coming from some other land
to pull your aching tooth?
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-10-18
THEIR 1870 ZEE.

New Workers have acquired a nerv-
Gus and shifty manner, owing to fear
on the part of each citizen that some
one viii step up behind him with a
Republican nomination for mayor
Washington Star.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-10-18

The Burlington Jemersonian refers
TO some big sweet potatoes as being
husky" although everybody knows
that corn is the only real husky crop.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-10-18

The fact that Captain Taggart got
the divorce should not be taken as an
indication that the court endorsed the
idea Of keeping a saloon in the house.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-10-18

several days ago a washington dis
patch stated that Washington Won
nered because the president gave W.
Tl. Stubs so much Of his time one day.
NOW it appears that the president was
explaining to the Kansas chairman
that politicians 90 not gain much by
breaking in with their endorsements
over the heads of United States sen-
atora.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-10-18

The plain fact is we men do not want
the women of the country doing the
same things in politics that we do our
selves That accounts for more layers
Of the wall between women and the
suffrage than all the rest.-EImira
Gazette.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-10-18

No wonder the Hon. David B. Hill is
fighting so hard to save Lawyer Pat
rick. He has not so many friends left
that he can afford to lose one of them.
Charleston News and Courier.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-10-18

kansas" remarks the Washington
Star, lis more and more inclined to
talk about corn instead of politics. %
still, we have an abundance of politics
on hand, If anybody wishes any.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-10-18

There may be sanitary reasons why
kissing should be abandoned, as Prof.
Fourier urges, but love, which laughs
Fat Ioeksniths. will scorn the scientists.
New York Evening Sun.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-10-18

Milwaukee is famous for one kind of
booze and Peoria for another, but both
are famous for their frenzied bankers.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-10-18

1t will be interesting to have young
Mr.. Hyde tell just how much of the
policy holders money he spent on
dinners FOR advertising purposes"
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-10-18
AND DEEPER

LOOK higher,'' counseIs john d.
Rock efeller. That is what the investi-
gators are doing.-New York World.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-10-18

II the president would just take Vice
President Fairbanks south with him
there would be no doubt about there
being plenty of frost.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-10-18

Those Japs were only funning after
all Komura is at home and there
wasn't the sign of a riot.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-10-18

1t seems that Andy can make
speeches as well as build Libraries
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-10-18

Pat Grove says he isn't guilty, and
Of course Pat ought to know.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-10-18

Senator Foraker is in favor of any
reciprocity treaty so drawn that it does
not procate.-LouisvilIe Post.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-10-18

Mr.. Ramsey continues to maintain
that he is right. 1t is also evident that
he is left.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-10-18

Perhaps you have wondered why it
is always so. Here is the solution. by
the Washington Star: ut is no won
der that the man who steals large sums
never drinks, swears or CANDLES.
Men who drink, swear and gamble
never get q chance at large sums
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-10-18

President Mccall insists that he
will not resign from the presidency of
the New York Life and the directors
appear to be inclined to stand by
him. It seems very likely, however,
that the policy holders can make him
pay back the money he has taken
from the policy holders profits and
given to political campaign commit
tees
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-10-18

President McCurdy says the big life
insurance companies were established
as eIeemosynary and charitable insti-
tuhons The trouble is that they ex-
tend most of their charity towards the
families Of the presidents and towards
United States senators and legislators
at AIbqrv
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-10-18

Mrs. spenders-Oh, joint I saw a sign
in Bargen & Co.'S window today that re-
minded me of what I am most in
Sir. Spenders 1nterrupting, hastiiy)-I
too. saw a sign in their window that re-
minded me of what I am. It read: Re
duced to AZ cents Philadelphia Press.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-10-18

Il see that the mayor of Madison. Wis,
has ordered the police to shoot college
students who do not behave themselves.
II don't think that's at all right. One
of those careless policemen might shoot
a valuable football player by mistake. -
Cleveland Plain Dealer.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-10-18

Senior Partner-I think that office boy
of ours would make a good policeman.
Junior Partner-Because Why2
Senior Partner-Because he's never
around when wanted-Chicago News.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-10-18

How do you like your husband, Ma
bel2''
''Sh. I believe he has deceived me and
is WidcWer''
What makes you think sop
why, the first night we were married
he sewed up his vest pockets columbus
Dispatch.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-10-18

You were employed by Mrs. Swellmans
you say said the housekeeper. THAT
was your last place, wasn't it2'
I assuredly do not" replied the Bos-
ton servant maid. Il expect to get an
other. If, however, you really meant to
inquire if my latest place was with Mrs:
Swellman. my reply is in the affirmative.
Philadelphia Public Ledger.