davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1905-12-30
New croton Reservoir

The new Croton reservoir to supply
water to New York city has as one of iss
main features great wall 160 feet above
the ground and 140 feet below it. 1t n
100 feet thick at the ground level and
20 feet at the top. When II is done it win
have taken IL years to build. It win
back up the water for 20 miles. compell-
Ing the reconstruction of many miles Of
roads. and will hold 10000. coo, 600 GAL
Ions Of water. The present consump-
ton OF water by New York city is about
800. 900. 900 gallons q day.
The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1905-12-30
Not a homeopathic

rs DR.. Blank a homeopathist?" was
asked OF the porter who answered the
ring of the door-beIl.
Hesitating for a moment. hts At
rican features lighting up. the porter
replied:
No, sab; no, sab. DR.. Blank goes
out an treats patients right along
sab. Judge.
The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1905-12-30

Let me tell you something SAM
said the overseer; "the blow of a whales
tail is the strongest animal force in the
world; the kick of giraffe is second
and the stroke Of lions paw the third"
on, well, ! s'pose, boss. by de time
dey gets down to de kick of mule dey'd
have US believe IT is just gentle luh
tap "-Yonkers Statesman.
The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1905-12-30
What He Claimed,

She had just refused him. Her
woman's heart was nlled with pity.
DO not be so cast down. she said.
1t grieves me greatly to give you so
much pain"
He looked up and laughed.
Don't worry" he said. MY pro-
posal was just freak election bet"
Then he took his hat and left
Cleveland Plain Dealer.
The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1905-12-30
He Imparts Information.

Little Ethel-Mamna told Freddy
that If he wasn't good Santa Claus
wouldn't bring him anything. Won't
he?
Little George-Oh! Mammals just
throwing scare into Freddy, and he's
so little he don't know sny better Santa
Claus leaves you things whether you're
good or not.-Puck.
The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1905-12-30
Domestic Diplomacy.

Mrs. De Sweet-I'd go and spend a
week with my sister in the country il
thought you could manage the house
alone.
De Sweet-Oh, can manage It all
right.
Mrs. De Sweet-But I'm afraid you
would be lonely and miserable.
De Sweet-Not for minute.
Mrs De Sweet-Then won't co.
Chicago Daily News.
The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1905-12-30
Heavy Drons.

Pete Green-Look here, Sam, when
yo' comes home late en- yo' wife loos =
out OBJ de window. do she drop eny ia
situations?
Sam Sparks-Well, yo' might cell
dem situations. but l call dem fiat
irons en- bootjacks-Chicago Daily
News.
The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1905-12-30

That's Mr.. Smith we just passed;
hes the most remarkable man in Eng
land"
What's there remarkable about
him."
Why, he's so remarkable because
whist rich, learned and Travelled. he's
never even claimed that he's made ef
Tort or done anything out Of the or
binary"
The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1905-12-30
Policy.

Commercial Traveler-Oh, yes, I al.
ways keep my birthday.
Friend-You do?
Commercial Traveler-Yes, IL I'm at
nome keep 1t, so as to give them a
chance to make me any little presents.
You know.
Friend-Quite so.
Commercial Traveler--And II hap
pen to be on the road, always keep
it
Friend-Really?
Commercial Traveler-To myself, or
else | should have to stand drinks
round.
The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1905-12-30

Those Chinese made q dreadful
fuss just because one of our admirals
shot Chinese woman by mistake"
They are 30 painfully lacking in
civiuzing Influences. Just notice how
our Maine guides are popped over
and nobody ever thinks of going to
war about Cleveland Plain Dealer.
The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1905-12-30
JealoukY.

why are people so angry about the
trusts?" inquired the tourist from
abroad.
WELL" answered Mr.. Dustin Stax,
after seeing how easily the trick was
done, a good many are cross and dis
appointed because they didn't get in
on the ground Washington
Star.
The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1905-12-30

Il heard Mrs. Lyons speak Of him
as the author Of that celebrated new
novel;"
'Yes."
Well, what Is It celebrated for?"
Chiefly for the immense sale its
publishers claim 1t Is having. -Phila-
ielphia Press.
The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1905-12-30
Part Of the Bare.

Mrs. Starvem-I noticed you examin-
ing your plate in rather quizzical way
just now. Mr.. Smartie.
Mr.. Smartie-Why, yes, Ter
Mrs. Starvem-That's rabbit stew;
perhaps you didn't know.
Mr.. Smartie-Ah! that accounts for
It, just found portion Of hair In it,
Philadelphia Press.
The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1905-12-30

why, Bridget. you break good
many more things now than when you
first camel" said the mistress OF the
house.
Yes, num-" replied the girl. wip-
Ing her forehead with her apron; you
see was just learnin' when first
come to you. um!"-Yonkers States
man.
The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1905-12-30

Agk @>~ erally ana JIMMY
6WkS.S shall devote our bach
1ri Wi eIor energies to thu
@k q neglected cause o.
s chivalry"
The speaker brought his fist down
with such thump upon the table at
his elbow that glass that had stood
too near the edge rolled off and broke
in bits upon the hearth thing. Each
occupant of the club room started per-
ceptibIy in his easy chair. Nervous
Mr.. Emmett Keene dropped his news
paper in alarm. Solemn. dark-eyed
Mr.. Warren Gloom forgot to light his
cigar, and held the lighted match in
his long, lank fingers. Ex-Alderman
Samuel Hitler tortured his face with
one of his homely, laconic smiles and
stroked his chin with aggravating
cautiousness. These and all the other
occupants of the room directed their
attention to the speaker, Gen. Fries
bic Virgins. and waited for him to
continue. That he was in earnest was
apparent at glance. His rather
fleshy face was flushed, his tuft of chin
whiskers showed some signs OF agi-
tation and his eyes had look Of kind
ly seriousness.
Gentlemen" he continued, you
have read the newspapers. You are
well aware of the great stir which
has followed the appeal of that admir- |
able club woman, Mrs. Dexter Bloom, |
for protection for the members of her
sex who have occasion TO walk alone |
amid the dangers and iniquities of our
city streets. Could any sensible man
be insensible to such an appeal? I 4
speak with all seriousness, Mr.. Hitler. |
beneve that the time has come for
US az individuals and as club to act
There is more in this matter than the
humorists see. In spite of
the fact that we are bachelors, be-
lieve we stand ever for the best inter-
ests of woman"
Because we are bachelors. should
say. Gen. Virgins remarked Mr..
Hitler. with grimace.
I'VE stand, say" resumed the gen.
srai. for the best interests of woman
kind. Indeed, for a quarter century
he Bachelor club has never been the
asst to lend its influence to any war
ARE against that which does not make
or a better and safer city. Again,
he time has come for action. There
las been some talk of establishing a
bureau that shall supply maiden ladies
# good character with reliable and
agreeable escorts. The idea is taken
iumorously, but is there not some
hing In 1t worthy of thoughtful at
ention, even the attention of-the
Bachelor club?"
"Bravo!" exclaimed Mr.. Keene.
Bravo" echoed the other members
vho had now gathered in an amused
nd admiring circle about the respect
d and vasourceful general.
ultimately, OF course" continued :
ne general, pleased at this exhibition !.
4 loyalty, ut would be our purpose tn
The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1905-12-30
Different.

"She can't take much pleasure with
her husband"
Why not?"
I'm speaking OF him yesterday she said
he was ell art.
ooh. she's English and drops her hs:
she meant to say that he was all hear"
Houston Post.
The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1905-12-30

A sharpness soon will touch the air
AS summer turns to fee;
Ere long Wei find a frost bite where
The freckie used to be.
Washington Star.
The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1905-12-30
just NOW.

The summer girl would gladly give
Most all her boarded sheke,s
To him who would relieve her OF
About a tia usand freckies.
Louisville Courier-Journal
The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1905-12-30

Chappie--Do you know that ath-
aetic-iooking girl? Her face is famIl-
lar to me. dontcherknow.
Yalevard-Yes? Well, take my ad-
vice, my boy; don't you get familiar
to her face!-Philadclphia Press.
The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1905-12-30
The Summer Girl.

She looks upon the sorry sight.
While wrinkles gather on her brow:
Those dainty shoes one time were white
But. ah. alas. not now. not now.
louisville Courier-Jonrnal.
The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1905-12-30
Back to Earth

He--Good-by forever! I leave You
now. never to return.
She-WeIl, for goodness sake, re-
member that it's cheaper to telephone
than to send messengeEs-Lifs
The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1905-12-30
piHful.

1t Is a sad and painful sight.
When winds are bleak and breezes raw
TO see lean and hungry wight
Accoutered In a hat Of straw.
Chicago Sun
The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1905-12-30
Talked Too Much.

You used to tell me was bird-lik :
complained the fond wife.
The husband continued to bury his
nose in the paper.
You used to tell me was bird-like.
repeated the fond wife; but now you
never act as If you thought So"
You're still bird-like,'' growled the
husband.
One wouldn't think you thought so
to judge by"
isn't parrot ?"-Tit-Bit
The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1905-12-30

Hc-Fiszgerald had to give up play.
ing golf.
She-Why SO?
He--He had played football 30 Iona
that he couldn't help kicking the balls.
Chicago Journal.
The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1905-12-30

a handsome lamp shade seldom
comes amiss e Christmas rift for !.
woman. - :
The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1905-12-30

Humper-I hear that the saloon.
keepers have resolved to stop the Gus
tom of giving bottles of liquor to their
customers for New Years presents.
Bumper-They have. have they:
Then hang me If | don't stick to my
New Years resolution this time.
The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1905-12-30
CAN'T Stand Tbat

Autumn all our sorrow doubles,
It's the season of despair:
But I'd stand the other troubles
Were 1t not Tor football hair.
Chicago Sun.
The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1905-12-30
The Science of the Game.

The Freshman-Our star half-back,
"Bin" Gouger, broke four toes and
sprained an ankle in yesterdays game.
Gee! But the captain roasted him to
: turn
The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1905-12-30
The Bartender-What for?

The Freshman Rotten Judgment.
Bin" tried kick for the stomach, but
the guy ducked and blocked 1t neatly
with his head.-Puck.
The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1905-12-30
ENTLEMEN Il Is New

Il Is New
Years Eve, And fur
thermore. on general
principles / believe
that the time has come
when the honor CT our
club demands that sew
orally and Jointly we
shall devote our bach
eIor energies to the
neglected "a u S . OF
chivalry."
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1905-02-11
Tears. Idle Tears"

Tears. Idle Tears
Tears, idle tears. I know not what they
Tears from the depth of some divine des-
pair
Rise in the heart. and gather to the eyes
In looking the happy autumll-Ilelos.
And thinking of the days that are no
more
Fresh as the first beam glittering on
sail,
That brings our friends up from the un-
derworld,
Sad as the last which reddens over one
That sinks with all We love below the
So sad. so fresh. the days that are no
more.
All. sad and strange as in dark summer
dawns
The earliest pipe of half-a Weakened bros
TO dying ears. when unto dying eyes
Tine easement slowly grows a glimnler-
ing square:
So sad, SO strange. the days that are no
more.
Dear as remembered kisses after death,
And sweet as those by hopeless Iancy
feigned
On lips that are for others; deep as love.
Deep as first love, and wild with all re-
Eret:
o Death in Life. the days that are no
-Tenny SON 1.-The Princess
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1905-02-11
ZNgZlDHE 5QZE Ill., 4
~ TEzzZEz7241NXS

eral minutes there was an impressive
stiffness. Then Gen Osterhaus call
ed Col. Roberts to him and asked if
he had chaplain in his regiment.
The Colonel said he had not, and
explained that the man who made
the prayer was one of his sergeants-
Make him chaplain said Gen. o.
terhaus- Make him a chaplain, Colo
mel l assign him to duty right now
So it happened that Orderly Sergeant
Tom w. Hyde was commissioned in
the field chaplain of the Thirtieth
Iowa volunteer infantry by the bluff
old General who, on another occasion
said he would make the rebels hell
schmell- The Rev. Tom is now living
at Oskaloosa. Iowa. with as good a rec
ord as chaplain on the firing line as
any regularly commissioned chaplain
ever had"
There were many Christian sol
diers in those days" said the Captain.
modest. undemonstrative men who
kept the faith and did their duty.
was shown a diary the other day in
which was this entry, under date of
Nov. "a, 1864: This is Thanksgiving
day up in Gods country and there
comes before me in imagination the
old homestead back in Jefferson coun-
ty, Ohio. There are gray haired father
and mother and our only sister The
brothers. where are they?
John and Emory are in the Sec
ond Ohio and James and l are in the
Fifty-Second. l can see father as he
opens the family Bible, reads chap
ter. and kneeis to offer a prayer for
the four absent boys. In the same
spirit and faith | petition the same
throne asking a kind Providence to
guard the three at home. for since
my enlistment I have tried under the
varied conditions of army life to keep
the faith l venture to say the man
who wrote that at the front was never
ashamed of it.''-Chicago Inter Ocean.
New Honor Medal.
Maj Gen. George L. Gillespie. as
sistant to the chief of staff of the
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1905-02-11
Precious Relic of Gen. Grant.

Private Harmon W. Brown says he
has in his possession a cigar and a
cigar case which Gen. Grant. carried
over forty years ago. A package ar
rived at the generals headquarters
one day and Brown opened it in the
presence of Grant In the top of the
package was a box of choice cigars
and with it was fine cigar case.
Grant looked at both for a second
and then said with a smile, Fiji it.
Brown" His military secretary filled
the case with cigars from the box and
handed them to the general. He
started to put the case in his pocket
and found his own already there Elk
tracing the old case, which still con-
tanned one cigar, Grant handed them
to his secretary and said: Take the
case and have a smoke
Brown took them, but instead OF
smoking the cigar carefully preserved
both. He has them now at his home
in Cincinnati. He says he has not
opened the case for a long time for
fear the air might affect the cigar. As
soon as the new museum in Cincin.
natl is completed he intends to pre-
sent the cigar and the case to it fol
safe keeping.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1905-02-11
GRANTS Keen Eoresiaht.

When Gen. Grant was met by his
much discouraged chief of staff, Nc
Pherson, at the close of first day
of the battle of Shiloh, day of heavy
union losses, the latter said to him ::
Things look bad enough, General.
We have lost about half our artillery
and a third of the infantry. Our line
is broken in several places. and we
are pushed back nearly to the river -
Gen. Grant made no reply, and
finally Mcpherson said, impatiently ::
We'll, General, what do you intend TO
do about it?''
Quick as q flash came the answer:
"Do? Why, 1 shall reform the lines
and attack them at daybreak. Lord :
won't they be surprised?" The out
come-the confederates in full retreat
next morning before o'clock
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1905-02-11
God Alone Permanent.

How hard it is to keep our footing
firm amid the ebb and flow of things!
To-day is not yesterday. New things
have come to claim attention; many
cherished things have gone. An I'M
seen hand is shaking this kSleido-
scope of a world, and nothing can last
that depends merely upon the present
aspect of things. The great problem,
therefore, is to seek God with thirst
which will persist through all
changes.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1905-02-11

A short time ago inquiry came from
the union forces to know if Mr.. Post
would keep still if they would call
off the boycott on Postum and Grape
Nuts
This is the reply: THE labor trust
has seen fit to try to ruin our business
because we would not join its criminal
conspiracy. We are plain American
citizens and differ from the labor
union plan in that we do not force
people to strike, picket, boycott, as
sault, blow up property or commit
murder.
We do not pay thugs $40 to break in
the ribs of any man who tries to sup
port his family nor $50 for an eye
knocked out.
We try to show our plain, honest
regard for sturdy and independent
workmen by paying the highest wages
in the state
We have a steady, unvarying re-
spect for the law-abiding, peaceable
union man and a most earnest desire
to see him gain power enough to
purge the unions of their criminal
practices, that have brought down upon
them the righteous denunciation of .
1ongsuffering and outraged public, but
we will not fawn, truckle, bend the
knee, wear the hated collar of white
slavery, the union label nor prostitute
our American citizenship under or
ders" of any labor trust.
You offer to remove the restriction
on our business and with union" gold
choke the throat and still the voice
raised in stern denunciation of the
despotism which tramples beneath an
iron-shot heel the freedom of our broth
ers.
You would gag US with a silver bar
and mufhe the appeal to the American
people to harken to the cries for
bread of the little children whose
faithful fathers were beaten to death
while striving to earn food for them.
Your boycott may perhaps succeed
in throwing our people out of work
and driving us from business, but you
cannot wrench from us that priceless
jewel our fathers fought for and which
every true son guards with his life.
Therefore, speaking for our work
people and ourselves, the infamous
offer is declined H
POSTUM CEREAL CO., LTD.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1905-02-11

army. has been granted a patent Oh
the design for the new medal of honor.
This is the final step to be taken by
the officials of the war department to
insure the exclusive use of this par
ticular design to veterans who, by
their yalor on the field of battle, mer-
tied high distinction and were deco
rated by their country with the medal
of honor.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1905-02-11
The Only WAY to Account for II.

Elsie-"The richest girl in England
was married a few days ago to a poor
young man who has no title and has
no prospect of getting one
Maude-"My graciousi What a
fright she must bet''
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1905-02-11
How Sergeant Became Chaplain.

HOW sergeant became CnapiaIn.
'sBy the way" said a Thirtieth Iowa
man, did you know our chaplain? He
was a fighter and was promoted from
the ranks to a chaplaincy under very
notable circumstances. At Loyejoy's
Station, Ga, in September, 1864, Hen
ry wusinger of Company E, Thirtieth
Iowa, was shot through the body Real
izing that his wound was mortal, he
asked the boys to carry him to Order
ly Sergeant Thomas w. Hyde. who
placed him in an ambulance and had
him taken along with the marching
regiment. During the night Wusinger
sent message to Hyde asking him
to come to the ambulance.
when the orderly greeted the
wounded man Wusinger said: They
are sounding the reveille. Come into
the ambulance and pray for me- Hyde
climbed in and began to pray. 1t was
a clear moonlight night, almost like
day, and as the men of the regiment
saw the ambulance and heard Hyde's
words they halted, and with Col. Rob-
erts and other regimental officers gath
cred about the ambulance and stood
with heads uncovered.
Hyde, under the influence of love
and comradeship. prayed as few men
ever pray, and in the midst of his fer
vent appeal Gen. Peter ]. Osterhaus
rode up, halted, and uncovered. Hyde's
voice trembled and broke and the men
knew Wusinger was dead. For sew
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1905-02-11
Note by Publisher.

Note by Publisher
The Postum Company have a yearly
contract for space in this paper
which they have a right to use for
announcements Of facts and princi-
pies Such use does not necessarily
carry with it any editorial opinion.