davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Montgomery advertiser., 1905-12-17

GWattiHS SOuA AAS"GA'
 Some of the shops display neat little silver mustache curlers which are to be worn at night. This would be nice, unless you do not admire d curly nustache or unless the young man Is smooth faced.
 -O-
 Mrs Phruso Dimlett asks: Please suggest an appropriate present for my husband, whom I married ten years ago, although # really does not seem possible that the frosts of ten winters and the suns of ten summers can have pos sibly left their silver and gold upon our heads, although MT. Dimlett is really quite gray about the tenn ples and would be gray on top of his head were he not unfortunately bald there, but my hair. everybody says, Is remarkably good and my friends simply marvel at it's pre- serving it's color and vitality and retaining it's soft golden glint. But even when a young girl I had hair that reached to my waist"
 Show your husband that in your eyes he is not bald. Give him a set of military hair brushes. An, let us preserve inviolate the glamour of the long ago!
 O
 Lucia Hammer Moore of East Wind, Ind, writes: Please tell me what would be proper present for me to give to young man who has been paying me attention since the fall of 1899, when I met him at a reception and ball given by the Daughters of Destiny in the Odd FelIows' hall. he asking for an in
The Montgomery advertiser., 1905-12-17
Holiday Hints.

suitable whose father in Australia and whose mother
 
 watch night party Years drama being all such publications walks with sighnp occasioned by falling hardly noticeable however and who has usually Sunday to visit his folks In Iowa ne not during his absence Anxousy
The Montgomery advertiser., 1905-12-17

rductiop the that sa occasion well as who wrote the welcoming himself spending on
 Thursday Sunday house Swinbune Le Gal
 between yet of anything would indicate excess time wish to intimate dis
The Montgomery advertiser., 1905-12-17
Hubby.s Bad rsabaa.

muWUyS 00W m6W~es Are you going to buy your husband some cigars for Christmas sift7s No. I don't like to encourage him In his bad habits"
 Bad habitss thought you did not objecs to his smoking"
 "I don't. But object to his swearing so much about the kind of cigars give him. The exasperating thing about some one stepping on your toe by accident is that If he did 1t through design you would have an ex- cuse for quarreiing with him over it.
 M@@
 Surlc FsGrlis. There was q yeung wa3aan named Eaa2zzs Whose face waa remarkably searsls
 When asked why, she sighed:
 "T have tried and have tried But I cant get my hair to stay cearlle."
 @@% As yet the ingenuity of man has provided no way of getting at the individual who calls you on the phone and then says: Do you know who this Is ?'' You don't7 O. yes you do." You know" !" Yes, you do. Guess who 1t Is"
 DisQualified. "Did you accept either of those men who proposed to your, asks the bosom friend "No. Papa wouldn't let me" "But whyY'
 "He said he didn't know anything about Mir. Glidders and he knew too much abouk Mir. Fiigh.'
 A woman does not get pneumonia beeauae she wears low shoes and no rubbersi she simply suffers because her feet look smaller when dressed in that way.
 eco Most of us have about the same feellns on looking into the ice box in winter thai VIC have on looking at the coal bin ifi staEnznnr. There is one form of dignity that simply makes other people uncomfortable. We may be obstinate, but we stand ready to argue that there never was as guod fance meat as some men say there used to be.
The Montgomery advertiser., 1905-12-17

porch as convenient Get her ermine nun
 Christmas and mean it, than think have to-
The Montgomery advertiser., 1905-12-17
Ten.Twsrss'. .Thirt'.

"Yes, sir" says the man from some where near the Mississippi river. "Fm telling you the absolute truth when I say that Richard Mansfield played my town once for ten. twenty. and thirty"
 What" asks the other man "That must have been a good many years ago, if it ever was at all"
 No, sir. It was last season"
 Man. you talk as if you thought were a fool"
 But he did. He was billed for one night only, a crowd of ticket speculators cornered all the seats, and prices went up to $1O. $20, and $50 with a whoop."
The Montgomery advertiser., 1905-12-17
\ shock to ner sens,btlities.

At hotel her brother has introduced his old friend" Bnitt, her, and then has excused hfu- self to go to the phone, leaving the the table Observing that Mir. Bifatts nose has at one time been broken that there deep scar on his cheek and that his left apparently has been cut in two and joined together again. she ventures: 2 II that you have at some time been follower of the great game, MT. Bifitt
 "Yes It's hard to keep people from finding that out"
 "o it must have been perfectly grand though the of conflict the desperate rushes the stress struggle the referee about to call time Yes. it did get pretty hot along about then usually"
 But don't you think that football really helps young prepare himself for the sterner battles of later hfeT'
 "I don't know anything about football I'm re- formed pugiiist"
 And when brother returned she demanded that take to her at and did not look at MT Biftt as she swept from the scene
 e~<e
 Request
 MT. Carnegie" says the spokesman of the high halted committee we the representatives of the citixens of town, and have called to make request which we trust will find 1t in your power to grant" . firmly, regret to state that have arranged for all the library donations feel at liberty to make this year. Next perhaps shall be happy to consider your request but at present."
 cone moment, sir" breaks in the spokesman, def erentially. "we-er-the fact is, we have called to you if won't cancel your donation to our town We figure that tax rate is higher now than we can stand"
 coco
 Immateriai to Him.
 CT find you guilty of fast and reckless driving" says the judge the automobilist, "and while the court, regrets that in the smashup tomobile almost totally wrecked, it cannot con- loss sufficient punishment for The sen- tence Is that be confined in the county jail for period thirty days; and the court hopes that during your you will reflect upon the humiliation and degradation to which you have brought yourself, and that you"
 "I can't say that will mind the imprisonment. interrupts the automobilist haughtily Tt will be fully thirty days before my machine be put in pair"
 The Exception to ehe Rule.
 Hard work never harmed anybody" declared Mrs Raspers, with a meaning look in her eyes, when her husband complains of task that is awaiting him. "It doesnt?" inquires her husband. "Well, you said you hard all yesterday afternoon cooking that pudding we had for supper last night and if hadn't eaten some of 1t wouldn't have been awake all night with indigestion, and if hadn't been awake all night with indigestion would have felt more like working today"
 Intuition.
 "Theres an advertisement I'm going to answer personally" says the bewitching blonde who is seek ing situation stenographer.
 But" comments her friend the advertisement stipulates plain. homey, quiet girl preferably over , 80 years of age"
 CT know hut 1t is easy to understand man
The Montgomery advertiser., 1905-12-17
Conscientious.

you so worthy 
 
 While always grind teeth when these little wall cards different
The Montgomery advertiser., 1905-12-17

creetlY that there IS hope for him, in case he fears his fate"
 A bottle of nerve tonic, or a neat little sofa pillow filled with sand would seem to m e e { the require ments. .'. +
 O.
 ... Edward D. writes: My wife Is very fond of works of art and has often expressed her desire to own a beautiful oil painting for the parlor. She especially admires one called Portrait of a Lady in which the lady portra a ye d is holding her hands in an ermine muff. How ever, I hesitate about buying the picture, feeling that possibly she would appreciate a years subscription to a fashion maga- zine or A new set of
The Montgomery advertiser., 1905-12-17
Hesstily Town.

"Piineyville, or asks the man with the sober clothes. "I should say have heard of that place. I was in business--or tried to be in business-there for year. That town is the healthiest place I ever knew"
 "Is that sor we ask, with interest
 "Yes I'm an undertaken, you see. went there and opened establishment on learning that there was undertaken in the town. didn't get bit of business. and along in the summer I started out to pick blackberres for living. They made quit. They wouldn't even permit any blackberrying."
 We smile wany.
 And that wasn't the strangest part. didn't move out until after who had tried to operate cleaning and coloring shop closed his doors and failed"
 What had that to do with"
 Was there any chance for an undertaken in a town where there could be no dying of any kindr'
 RETALIATION.
 " John, dear" says the fond wife "I was rum maging through an old trunk today. and found poem you wrote to me before we were mar ried. Don't you want me to read it to your "Amarylls," declares the husband, desperate gleam coming into his eyes. If you read that thing to me, swear I'll get that old picture had taken in which you insisted upon resting one hand on my shoulder and holding one of my hands in your other one. and have it framed and hung in the library!"
 Conscientious.
 So you have fallen heir to five millions7" we asked of our friend who has been conspicuous among those who have been railing at i'll gotten wealth and declaring that no self-respecting charity, college. or mission should accept 1t. "res," he replies. joyously. An uncle of mine who was. quite unknown to me, heavily interested in four or live trusts. died and left me share of his estate"
 And no doubt, true to your principles you will soon get rid of it by giving 1t to some worthy causeY"
The Montgomery advertiser., 1905-12-17

d WdA C2A1 oA New Years reso lutions..
 ~--O-
 Woman surely was put on earth for q higher and nobier purpose than to furnish pictures for mag axine covers.
 -O---
 Really, there ia a great deal of wasted effort in tying mistletoe to the chandelier. Turning d o W n the gas will serve the same purpose.
 -O---
 If there was q Santa Claus he
The Montgomery advertiser., 1905-12-17
The Execution to she Rule.
@@ Intuition.

"Theres an advertisement I'm going to answer personally" says the bewitching blonde who is seek ing a situation stenographer.
 But" comments her friend, the advertisement stpulates plain. homely quiet girl, preferably ove 80 years of age"
 II know but 1t is easy to understand that the mar read 1t.
The Montgomery advertiser., 1905-12-17

In preparing the packages it is we'll inadvertently to leave the price marks on. We have often found in making comparisons after Christmas that the prices are cut in two.
The Montgomery advertiser., 1905-12-17

Isn't 1t odd, too, that a home made present is always so con- structed as to look as much as possible like a purchased one, while the ones got in the shops are made to look like home made? .:...
The Montgomery advertiser., 1905-12-17

"I hear you were terribly shocked when your auto ran over man last week."
 "Yes. You know. we were thirty miles from town. and when the machine struck the man it was broken SO that 1t could not go any farther. and then I learned to my dismsy that the person ran over was the only auto repair man in that neiehborhood." take one moment to think of how soemniy you vowed you positively would go through such time again
The Montgomery advertiser., 1905-12-17

anu eleven SeconuS pefore II would let me begin my speech"
 He tries not to look self-cons sclous, and succeeds wonderfully we'll until sour looking individ- ual inquires:
 By the way, how long did they cheer when you stopped speaking?" -:
 x
 If your little boy remembers every penny he put in his sav- ings bank the past year 1t Is an unfailing indication that he le intended for a career as a great flnancier.
The Montgomery advertiser., 1905-12-17

W0uid sisp earning outut Into the long stocking hang ing next to the sock that needs menoing.
 --O- Looking back over the year, and rejecting upon the na- tional holidays we have ex- perienced, we realize that one great need of this country is a holiday with no expense attached.
 --o--
 We shall spend ail this week looking for a man hanging to a strap with his arms full Of btu that uied Expression of Count picted in the magazine picture
The Montgomery advertiser., 1905-12-17

s'Noaa. see 6ere. 1e9ng man. bneen't eng objections fo pour marrying m1 dGug6ter, CT. csps eb0e gcn bans neither mcneg nor cccus paeion. And @anf to sag to 1eu tbof con. not support 1ou."
 "I dc not Nis6 to eentrGdicf goa. sir. bat beg Ie0vs fc state s6os kGUs regd s6s reports of t6e invsstigatfen of s6e insurGncs conspGnD of w6icb goa are tbe bead.'
The Montgomery advertiser., 1905-12-17

Nobody knows who invented the busy" signal for tele- phones. When an invention causes as much wrath as that one 1t is well for the inventor to keep himself in the back ground. ill.,:
 -.4-
 But men are puzzling their brains over the mystery of crea- ton, the mystery of evolution. the mystery of the stars. when they have right at hand the mystery of the gas bill, unsolved and unsolvable. --..-
 -:-
 No matter how crowded your days are this week, no matter how rushed you are to get every present checked off of your list, A.. ao.A = to.t TNnnzNAt.as. that
The Montgomery advertiser., 1905-12-17

Almost any little boy will tell you that Santa Claus is almost as nice a man as his grand father.
 Between the things you are going to do and the things you shouldn't have done you have to make lots of excuses in this life.
The Montgomery advertiser., 1905-12-17
BEFORE AND AFTER.

Cheerful people sympathy The moros downc ally scare others into sympathizing with them.
The Montgomery advertiser., 1905-12-17

greatest earth ana wrinkles Let's Love causes hnsoanos bands cause makes wrinkles
 had in onem mar i s judgment in another
 We know family wherein one piece six courtships.
 Why by the sight of handsome
The statesman., 1905-08-04
Lodges Grim Humor.

Senator Lodges sense OF humor IS
q grim one. at least so sverts GER
tain committee clerk In the senate.
One afternoon early in the present
session there were a number Of clerks
engaged In a room Just OF that Of
the senior senator from Massachu-
sets.
All at once they were aware OF the
sudden appearance of the senator His
brows were wrinkled into the sternest
OF frowns.
"who is IT. demanded he In a per-
emptory tone, that is smoking that
cigarette?"
whereupon the guilty man imme-
diately began TO apologize and threw
away his smoke.
"oh, It's you. said the senator with
half smile. then III thank you to
hand me one; there isn't single Gig
arctic In my room. New York Times
The statesman., 1905-08-04
PLANTS FEED ON INSECTS.
Peculiar csrnivorous Growth Is Ma
tive of Cochn-Chlna.

There is Tow In bloom at Shaw's
garden, St Louis, a queer plant, odd
In It's form and color and queer In its
habits. 1t is one of the carrion plants
and feeds on insects. The common
name Of this strange plant is the "dev-
lis tongue" name given to it on ac-
count of its oddly shaped flowers.
The amorphopallus riyieri, or devils
tongue. belongs to one of the most re-
markable groups in the vegetable king
dom. It is native Of Cochin-China.
The flower has an extraordinary ap-
pearance. The spathe is of purplish-
brown color, and the spadix, which is
thick and feshy and about fifteen
inches long, is of darker color than
the spathe; It is broadly campanulated
and beautifully undulated at the mar
gin.
Like other members of the singular
tribe to which 1t belongs, 1t has a
strong. disagreeable odor. 1t is one
Of the carrion plants which attract in
sects in the manner OF the goose plant
and other plants of that nature. 1t is
fertilized by insects II remains in
flower from three TO four days.
The foliage is large and unbrellslike,
the stem Is snakelike The plant
grows from two to three feet high.
The root is tuberous. spherical and
weighs from six to eight pounds. and
is used as a food, after careful cook.
ing TO eliminate the poisonous prop
critics.
The statesman., 1905-08-04
Few AmbuIanees in london.

An agitation is going on in London
for horse ambulances, for, incredible
as It may seem. a person injured in
the streets Of London is joggled to the
hospital in a two.wheeled hand bar.
row. drawn by one or two policemen.
There are only three horse ambu-
lances in the whole city, and they are
owned by private parties, who charge
Tor their use. There is no first aid
system.
The statesman., 1905-08-04
--.--.-----..---.-
Klna Edward ls achesty.n

One of King Edwards dusky sub
iects who attended the coronation has
written a book recording his impress
sions in which the following descrip-
ton of the king is worth quoting:
"He has a magnificent chest, which
he throws out like a lion; his voice
rolls from II like that Of lion, as is
the castom with princes"
The statesman., 1905-08-04
unappreeiated Science.

A young woman amazed a scientist
whom she met not long ago at din.
ner party. The scientist narrated. in
great detail, to the young girl series
OF experiments that he was conduct
Ing with the microphone.
The microphone,' he explained
"magnifies sounds to the ear as the
microscope msgnifes objects to the
eye. The footballs of a eentipede
heard through the microphone resem.
BILE a tattoo on drum. The dropping
OF 4 pin is like the report Of a can.
non"
THAT is interesting" said the lady
This afternoon" resumed the scien.
list, Il caught a fly and studied its
note. The note resembled the neigh
OF a horse"
Perhaps said the young girl, in
nocently, ut was a horse fly"
The statesman., 1905-08-04
oriuln Of the pouhle EaaIes.

Both Russia and Germany display
two-headed eagles on their standards.
Yet this symbol is considered by
some heralds to be merely the result
of the heraldic practice Of "dlmidia-
ton"
This was simply a child's way of
impaling two coats-of-arms on the
same shield by the primitive method
of cutting each in half and taking the
dexter half of one and the sinister
half OF the other and placing them
back to back, as it were. Strange
two-headed beasts naturally resulted
-as, for instance, when lion and an
eagle were halved and joined togeth-
er. The grifhn is supposed to have
been evolved from two lions rampant
by dimidiation.
The statesman., 1905-08-04
LAST Of Penn,s Descendants.

Newton Z. Penn, said to be the last
lineal descendant Of William Penn,
has Just died in Hartford. Conn. His
body viii be inferred in the Penn
burial grounds He was a deep stu
dent and translated into English
great quantity of French plays and
poems. besides doing considerable
work.
The statesman., 1905-08-04
FENCE RAIL PHILOSOPHY.

Many a man who seems to be stupid
aud good is neither.
A feller can't clear track OF dan
ger by shutting his eyes.
All that some folks do when they
blow in the ashes is to MI their own
eyes.
The man who is n success as
gambler is generally failure at
everything else.
The statesman., 1905-08-04
Accepted.

Nell-Yes, he kissed me last night,
but he was around today to explain.
He said he was sorry, that he was
only an apology for a man, but be
loved me and that was the only way
ss could show II.
BeiI-wellf
Nell, Well, accepted the apology
The statesman., 1905-08-04
Fashionable Disease.

So fashionable is appendicitis In
British society circles that, says Lon
sor Opinion. many women would rhth'
or have 1t than a threequarter length
photograph In q magazine"
The statesman., 1905-08-04

There was man once who knew
everything In the world. but he got no
satisfaction out of his knowledge. No
body would listen to him.-Now Or
ieans picpygus.
The statesman., 1905-08-04
BOSTON FINANCIAL ALPHABET.

stands for Atchison, a purchase all
right
stands for Brooklyn. Foss' de-
light.
C stands for Copper Range, Law.
son says. Buy"
D stands for Delaware & Hudson,
never too high.
E stands for Erie. known to all men.
stands for Franklin, selling round
ten.
C stands for Con. Gas. the shorts
It made sick.
Ii stands for Hooking Coal, per
feet gold brick.
stands for Ice. the preferreds had
rise
] stands for Joliet, shun It II wise.
x stands for KeOkuk, seldom gets
quoted.
L stands for Louisville, which John
Gates made noted.
NJ stands for Manhattan. way up in
the afr.
n stands for N folk. will always be
there.
o stands for osceola, always a buy.
P stands for Parrot. ready to fly.
0 stands for Quicksilver. rather
passe.
R stands for Reading. put some
away.
stands for Sugar, buy II you're
sporty.
T stands for Trinity. going to forty.
U stands for Union Pacific, where
bulls like TO ride.
V stands for Victoria, may come in
with the tide.
X stands for dividends. after they're
paid.
Y stands for You, and you're at II
you're long"
stands for Zero, that's you, when
you're wrong.
The Yakima herald. [volume] (North Yakima, W.T. [Wash.]) 1889-1914, 1905-05-31
Definitions of "Sympathy."

The staff on which trouble leans.
sympathy is food for a starving
heart.
Sympathy is two hearts pulling at
the same load.
The least the rich may give, the
most the poor can offer.
Sympathy is the cream that rises
on the milk of human kindness.
Sympathy in sorrows hour is like
the gentle rain to dropping flowers.
Loves healing balm, spread by
PHYS tender hand, on Sorrow
heart wound.
Perfect forgetfulness of oneself in
true feeling for the unhappiness of
others.
Sympathy is the most powerful
human magnet for attracting and
holding friendship.
Sympathy is the blossom grown
from the costly bulb, called personal
suffering.
Sympathy is well-toned instru-
ment that readily responds to notes
of veal or woe.
"A heart at leisure from itself,
To soOthe and sympathize."
The Yakima herald. [volume] (North Yakima, W.T. [Wash.]) 1889-1914, 1905-05-31
WILL ADD ANOTHER TRAIN.
Northern Pacific to Increase Service
Between Spokane and Sound.

Within the next few days the
Northern Pacific will add another
passenger train to it's service, to run
between Spokane and the Sound.
Agent Meeks has not been officially
advised as 10 the date of the begin
ming of the service, but thinks it will
be soon. AS near as he can learn,
The train from the west will arrive in
North Yakima about o'clock in the
evening, and the one from the east
about two hours later.
The extra train is being put on
partly in anticipation of the rush of
business incidental to the Portland
fair, but as much IN account of the
iruit express busirt SIS as anything
else. There has been u great deal
OF trouble n the past due 10 the fact
hat fruit growers who picked their
fruit on given day, Monday, for ex-
ample, and brought It to he express
Office, could not forward it before the
LeXt mornings tra'f either to Spo-
kane or the Sound market This
placed the iruit in those cities after
'he buying was over fer Tuesday,
AID there was nothirS to do hut wait
tor Wednesdays market to open up.
BY that time the fruit, if weather
conditions We're not most favorable,
had begun to show the length of time
Il had been picked, and was at a dis
advantage in competing With fruit
from sections whore quicker trans
portation was possible. Particular
~ was this true with regard to ber-
ries.
When the new train is put on,
fruit picked and delivered 1t the ex-
press Office in the evening will be in
Spokane or the Sound cities the fol
lowing morning, in time to enter the
days sales, and. win this advantage
Will be able to compete with the
products of any part Of the state 1t
is said the extra trait each way daily
will be continued until the first of
next year, or about tnat time.