davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1905-05-25
BLOODY NERO.

From the Brooklyn Life.
In Ancient Days-Nero was not salts
fed with the slaughter he was causing
in the arena.
This is too tame" he said; "rll have
to get an automobile"
Then he donned pair of goggles and
rubber coat and announced to the
Roman Senate that he was dressed to
kill
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1905-05-25

mittee will be called in few weeks to
further consider plans of the campaigns
and actual work will begin n few
months
Il am not thoroughly satisfied with the
dispensary as it is now. nut nope to see
the system greatly. improved The idea
is comparatively a new one, and there
is room for great improvement In its man
'agement. Yet l feel sure that it is the
correct plan for the handling of intoxi-
cants.
Il expect to see state law adopted
which will control the sale of liquors
through dispensaries."
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1905-05-25

From the New York Commercial
~ N employer does not as a general
WO thing like to hire a pretty
4 man. and he has we'll defined
reasons for his prejudice.
"When a man is so blamed good look
ing he generally has got it on his mind
so hard that he hasn't got time for any,
thing else," says one employer. by
pretty l don't understand 40 be meant
just plain good looks. The young fellow
with a pleasant, regularly featured face
will get a job with me any time that
have an opening. But the fellow who
runs James X. Hackett a hard second
for looks, him can't use. Why? Oh we'll,
its against him, being pretty Maybe
he can't help it, but then again, maybe
he's done whole lot toward making it
possible, caring for his complexion, etc.
Anyhow, 1t generally proves to be the
case that when fellows exceptionally
good looking he isn't much good for any,
thing else. A man worrying about his
looks doesn't make for the good of a
firms business
Suppose you have a pretty, young
male thing selling windmills or plows for
you. When men come in TO buy wind
mills or plows they want to talS with
some one that looks as If he knew some
thing about these things, not "a fellow
who looks as if he'd ought to be making
love to stage heroine. 1t may be that
the good looking chap knows more about
plows or windmills than any one else in
the world, but he doesn't look like bust
ness. And appearances go a long way in
business. but they have got to be the
right kind
A pretty man contributes this howl:
"a man who is what people are pleased
to term pretty is never given credit for
having any hard common sense. He
may be the most sensible fellow in the
world, but his looks are against him.
Everybody imagines that he is sort of a
male imitation of the female fiirt and that
the great worry on his mind is the shape
of his neektie and the winning of female
hearts. Many men don't like to make
friends with him, and will you believe me.
many of my plain friends who are mar
ried will never invite me out to see their
wives?
They know me well enough to know
that they have no reason to fear that
they'll ever have to be Jealous of me. but
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1905-05-25
PIES WOODEN PARTNER.

From the ST Louis Post-Dispatch.
The wooden pie plate has come and
will doubtless stay. A factory in Maine
is turning out 100000 day. The forests
are being devoured wholesale for paper,
for wooden butter dishes, chip baskets
and matches. We shall have to replant
or be ruined
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1905-05-25
A MISSOURI OBITUARY.

From the Baxter (Ark) Bulletin.
A rustic youth with laughing eye sat
on fence mincing pie. A appeared mule
with paint-brush tail near by on clover
did regale A humble bee came buzzing
along, and paused to sing the mule a
song; but the mule for music had no
ear, so his heels flew up in the atmos-
phere, and over the top. of cherry tree
the boy scared into eternity
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1905-05-25
Confederate History.

BY request of DR.. Thomas NJ. Owen,
director of the Department of Archives
and History for the ttate of Alabama,
j. p. Cannon has begun the history Of
the Twenty-seventh Alabama infantry,
C. S. A., said a veteran yesterday.
"He wants the assistance of survivors.
particularly on the following points: In
formation of companies, letter of COM
pany, whether A b C, etc.,) in what
county organized, names of officers, field
and staff officers with brief sketches,
camp Incidents, deeds of daring, bravery,
etc, and prison life and Incidents.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1905-05-25
Madison's Need.

From the Huntsville Mercury
One thing Huntsville and Madison coun-
ty are in very great need of is twice as
many good people as we nave now who
will be aborers and producers. There is
work to be done and many thousands of
acres of idle lands.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1905-05-25
Still in the Ring.

From the Mobile Herald.
Considering the fact that for the past
two weeks the ills that human flesh is
heir to" have put our editorial force
in the hospital class, The Herald has
succeeded very well in stirring up the
journalistic animals up the state on mat
ters political or otherwise
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1905-05-25
ONE THING CERTAIN.

From the Philadelphia Press.
"Of course. heat causes metals to ex-
pand there's no doubt of that. Don't
you believe it?''
well, at any rate, l know that hot
old time doent cause a S. gold piece to
expand to any great extent"
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1905-05-25
"PRETTY MEN" ARE NOT
WANTED BY EMPLOYERS

they are preiudced. And this on top OF
the recognized prejudices of the business
world against the pretty man. No. the
life of the pretty man is one not to be
envied."
So if you are extremely plain as to APP
pearance you can console yourself by
rejecting upon the troubles of the fellow
WHO is just the opposite.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1905-05-25

It is rumored that pictures of GER
tain Arkansas legislators resemble the
works Of art found In a rogues' gal
lery. Inasmuch as the gentlemen ap-
pear to be rogues, the resemblance is
not surprising.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1905-05-25
Evergreen Is Prospecting.

Evergreen is enjoying season OF I'M
usual prosperity" said Charles b. Saw
age of that place who attended the coun-
ell of Red Msa in Birmingham.
Our people are turning their attention
more and more to the raising of straw
berries, tomatoes and other small pro-
ducts and the results are very encourag-
ing We have fine country for straw
berries and tomatoes and we find ready
market for all that can be produced A
canning factory is a possibility of the near
future and this will stiIi further encour-
age the growing of fruits and vegetables.
The Fruit Growers association, a local
organization, has just recently put out
one hundred ceres in liberia and
'Slappy peaches. The Slappy' Is an early
variety and is a very fine peach. Peaches
do well In the vicinity Of Evergreen. The
crop this year promises to be good
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1905-05-25
NOT For SALE

The man who eats in marble halls
And sleeps in beds of down,
May fill up on expensive wine
And think he owns the town.
But money will not buy one thing
Which is beyond expense;
1t will not buy ninny brains
Or give him common sense,
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1905-05-25

Parasites are fiourishing as luxuriantly
nowadays as they did far back in the
times when Roman emperers surrounded
themselves with favorites who were fed
from the royal hand. The up to date para
site has TO be a hustler like his prede-
cessors of the past ana his wit has to be
of a subtle-one might say eunning-tex-
ture. The modern parasite frequents the
haunts of trusts and legislative halls, al
though he is not averse to browsing
wheresoever his attendance will be re-
warded. Following the disclosures in a
we'll known life insurance society very
pronounced state of parasitsm has been
discovered. However, parasites are not
the least affliction that at present har-
asses the Equitable society.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1905-05-25
Last Resort.

From the Opeika News.
They are showing the Equitable case
up to the President If he Will send Gar
field to report on the institution all will
be well.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1905-05-25
The Auto.
FROM the Annlston Star.

From the Admission Star.
The statistician makes up the record OF
the killed and wounded-victims of the
automobile-but the automobile goes on
just the same. 1t In apparently here to-
stay. If it kills and causes sadness, it
rejuvenates and causes joy.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1905-05-25
A POETS BLuNDER.

From the Chicago Journal.
"All woman asks is to be loved
says gushing poet. Then all this stun
about her wanting new bonnets and
jewelry must be a vile SANDER
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1905-05-25
Discretion Needed.

From the Gadsden Journal.
The south needs immigrants in large
numbers, but our necessity should not be
made a loop hole for any of an undesir-
able class.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1905-05-25

Trolley car sleepers and diners are
now proposed 1t is not believed that
the end-seat hog will be discouraged
by these improvements. He will find
a new way to show his qualities.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1905-05-25
IN HOTEL LoBBIES
Non compos Mentis.

During the progress of a trial recently
in the criminal, court, there was physi-
clan on the stand. giving expert testi-
mony with reference to diseases Of the
mind remarked an attorney-at-law yes
terday afternoon.
"arhe physician after being examined by
the attorneys for the defense was turned
over to the solicitors for eross-examina-
ton. The solicitor asked the witness to
tell the jury in his own words just what
lunatie was. The witness answered
this and other questions and then the
solicitor asked him; Doctor what is
non eompos mentis?
Before the witness had chance to
make reply one of the attorneys on the
other side said, oh that is only law
term
THE physician was then excused from
the witness stand"
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1905-05-25
ALABAMA PRESS
Both Efficacious.

From the Montgomery Advertiser.
Here, now, is doctor who says that
opium smoking will cure some diseases,
but we might say the same of prussic
acid.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1905-05-25

A total of 6S7,7O5 Hindoos have died
of the plague this year. An Equitable
surplus could never be built up in In.
dia, if all the policies were paid.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1905-05-25

The champion hard luck story is
that Of some burglars in San Fran
cisco, who stole $4,000 worth of
stamps and overlooked $500 900.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1905-05-25

e. R. Thomas seems DESTROYS of pos
ing as the country's most reckless mil
lionaire automobilist. A few weeks
in Jail might cool his ardor.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1905-05-25
NOVELTY.

From the New York Herald
Kansas City man has married his
wife for the third time. Well. the Y
ment plan has its advantages.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1905-05-25

Dowie converts are first dipped and
then plucked. Plucking is the more
important operation of the two.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1905-05-25

The steps taken to improve the Bir-
mingham baseball team constitute
move in the right direction.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1905-05-25

Secretary Shaw says that some of
the public men in Washington are
good. Nobody has accused the Secre-
tary of being a bad man.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1905-05-25

The secret of Cortelyou's success is
plain-he knows how and when to
keep his mouth shut
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1905-05-25

The 100000 policy holders of the
Equitable are now asking for square
deal
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1905-05-25

Put 1t down as aziness and do not
pretend that you are i'll. The weather
is responsible.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1905-05-25

The May girl graduates will now
proceed to become the June brides.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1905-05-25

Congressman Dalzell and GIn1
Grosvernor are all the standpatters
left that are willing to stand up and
be counted
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1905-05-25

A Denver theatrical manager has de-
clined to allow Nan Patterson to appear
in his. house on the ground that she was
$50 chorus girl before the trial and is
worth no more than that now Hats off
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1905-05-25

The yacht shippers are skipping for
all they are worth, and the Lizard
looms before.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1905-05-25

Geroge Bernard Shaw is trying to
advertise himself by attacking William
| Shakespeare and extolling himself.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1905-05-25

The Panama canal commission is
looking for bargains, regardless of the
merchants who do the selling.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1905-05-25

Rebate Paul Merton prefers railroad
ing to Rooseveltian politics.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1905-05-25

The papers are making lot of fuss
over a girl who is a steamboat cap
tain. Lots of women are first mates.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1905-05-25

It is dangerous to jostle a man in
Warsaw. for he may be carrying a
bomb, which may conclude to let CO.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1905-05-25
DISCRETION is BETTER.

You've heard about a spelling bee
A most amusing thing
And you've heard about the humble bee
An insect with a sting.
Now you can hold spelling bee
And have a lot of fun,
But don't you hold a humble bee
It's better far to run.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1905-05-25

The common people cannot buy in
the cheapest market. as Uncle Sam
can, but the time is fast coming when
they will.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1905-05-25

The rivals of the Milwaukee base
ball team now call the latter the Bige-
lows.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1905-05-25

The eleven yachts are still at sea,
SO runs the latest report.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1905-05-25

An Ohio school teacher is in jail,
charged with robbing saloon of $40.
Judging from the salaries paid educators,
it is remarkable how few of them really
do steal.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1905-05-25

All the yellow peril at the isthmus
was summed up in five fatal cases..
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1905-05-25

The missing link would laugh at
some of the newest fashionable hats
for men.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1905-05-25

A trolley car for bathers will spare
the feelings Of modest persons at At
lantic City.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1905-05-25

1t is not surprising that the New
port divorce court is reported to be
busy.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1905-05-25

The sportive automobile is making
pancakes out of the unwary pedes-
trian.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1905-05-25

New York will not fear tornadoes
as soon as its projected subways are
built.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1905-05-25

Father Gopon is in Germany, whore
a man has a right to do some indie
pendent thinking.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1905-05-25

The rains in the irrigated sections
of the far west have been excessive.
Jupiter Pluvius is wasting his ammu-
milton,
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1905-05-25

1t appears that there is only one
town named after John d. Rockefeller,
but every town pays him toll.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1905-05-25

Ro and TO may not throw bombs
at each other at all. Ro may go into
Vladivostok and To will see that he
stays there.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1905-05-25

The railroads will not buy any flow
ers when Lafollette takes his seat in
the Senate.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1905-05-25

The Chicago police seized $4,000
love letters in single matrimonial
agency.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1905-05-25

Daily and Sunday Age-Herald. So 90
Daily and Sunday, per month";. 20
Sunday Age-Herald, per annum...... 200
Weekly Age-Herald, per annum. 100
Subscription payable In advance.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1905-05-25

Somehow it seems strange to have
yacht race without Sir Thomas Lip
ton.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1905-05-25

The call has gone forth for college
harvesters. They are wanted in Kan
sas.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1905-05-25

Edior Box has been suggested for
president of the Equitable society, but
it was only a joke. Edward Is joke
himself.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1905-05-25

The girl graduate and the June bride
constitute a combination hard to re-
sist.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1905-05-25
1sAiifzi slaslD
~d6IEaEE

Enetered at the Birmingham. Ala, post
office as second-class matter under act
of Congress, March 8, 1879.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1905-05-25
BY his Iiqht,

BY his light,
Did all the chlvaIry of England move
To do brave acts: he was, indeed, the
glass
Wherein the noble youth did dress
themselves.
2 King Henry w.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1905-05-25
REFLECTIONS OF A BACHELOR.

standing pat" is going out of favor
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1905-05-25

L. H. Russ and w. F. Jordan are the
only authorized travelling representatives
of The Age-Herald In its circulation de-
partment
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1905-05-25
PACE THAT KILLS.

He tried to lead the high life,
And then he made it dou5le
Now that's the reason why he feil
Into all kinds of trouble
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1905-05-25
Tilted.
There was a young lady in Chill
Who loved chap named Bill;
But he turned her. down
With a fearful frown
And said, Now, don't be sill"

And SAID, NOW don't be Sill
Chris Hawthorne calls attention to the
fact that Nan Patterson's salary of 5000
a week does not by any means reach the
high water mark for such offers. vesta
Tilly has signed contract for sixteen
weeks at the rate of $1,000 a week. and
cassie" LOTUS enjoyed this stipend for
while. Lillian Russell also draws a
salary of 5000 a week and ''balks" when
ever she feels so disposed. To glance
over these figures and then recall the
number of brilliant college professors
who are struggling along ON $1,000 and
$1,000 a year, hard-worked public men
whose salaries are almost as rneagre and
industrious persons in all walks of life
who are content with even less, it makes
a fellow dispair of ever owning an au-
tomobie.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1905-05-25
COMMENT ON MEN AND
MATTERS OF THE WORLD

is probable that no more colossal jolt
was everstendered the cloth than that
I presented to the Des Moines Ministe-
rial association by DR. J. sandell when he
said, Intoxicating liquor is the gift Of
God, and may be enjoyed by any man,
providing he can drink It without working
injury to a brother man." 1t is needless
to enter upon a discussion Of temperance
but the. remarks of Dr. Sandell are in
the characteristic, up to date ministerial
vein. ANY move to cause talk seems
to be the pulpit slogan. Yesterday Dr.
sandell was unknown to fame but today
host of reformers are weighing his words
and preparing for a reply
If the shade of Thomas Jefferson should,
by any fortuitous chance, wander into
Washington today he would find the last
vestiges of that so-called ''Jeffersonian
simplicity fading away. At least, that is
what the correspondents would have us
believe, since the salary of Sir Mortimer
Durand, British ambassador to the Unit
ed States, has been raised from So 800
year to $4,000 in order to meet the in
creased cost of living in the United
States" According to the accepted view,
even $4,000 a year will be a picayunish
income for Washington and Sir Mortimer
will have To hustle around considerably
in order to make both ends meet.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1905-05-25
MAKEs A DIFFERENeE.

to the Denver mani It would be too
bad if he belongs to the theatrical trust
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1905-05-25

laAIAiso r DIT I I1itI1-FNEs-
The man who laughs~is a jolly chap,
And he cheers a fellow, too:
But It's different if the man who laughs
Is the man who laughs at you
Professor Lowell, who certainly ought
to know, if reputation counts for any
thing, says that Mars experienced
heavy snowstorm on May Is and 10. He
neglected to state, however if the Mar
tians jumped on the weather man in ter
ristrial fashion, whether the street clean
ing departments are being roasted to
finish; whether there is an epidemic of
pneumonia; whether traffic has been i'm
peded. and whether any fat individuals
have slipped up on the pavements. Still,
you can't expect an astronomer to know
everything
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1905-05-25

Inspired by 1.-The adventure of a ragged
tramp who rescued a young lady in peril
and erayed a kiss as his reward the
Washington Post INDUCES in a beautiful
flight of fancy, browning that hobo
with a laurel wreath and pioturing him
asleep under the "twinkling stars, the
world (which seems so hard and real to
us of grosser mold to him a pulsat-
ing poem and hymn of joy" 1t would be
somewhat disconcerting if the gentleman
who INDUCED in this fervid eulogy should
discover that his tramp was at the time
drunk in a barrel house or making away
with a farmers pig, not to mention being
bounced off a freight train by a husey
brakeman.
USUAL RESULT.
He stepped before an auto
He did not hear the horn
He sleeps beneath the green sod now.
His widows quite forlorn.
PAUL COOK.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1905-05-25
SMILES,

Why do they say, "Sit ON the lid?"
It's just a trick of speech,
And the man who can sit on the lid
Thus proves himself peach.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1905-05-25

No communication will be published
without its authors name. Rejected
manuscripts will not be returned unless
stamps are enclosed for that purpose
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1905-05-25
THE GOLDEN MEAN.

1t doesn't pay to be too gay,
Or yet to be too glum.
You ought to stay the same old way,
But who can do that sum?
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1905-05-25

Remittances can be made at current
rate of exchange. The Age-Herald will
not be responsible for money sent through
the mails Address
THE AGB-HERALD,
Birmingham. Ala.