The Kennewick courier. [volume] (Kennewick, Wash.) 1905-1914, 1905-06-09
Humorous

Gracie-Oh! Stealing jaml I'm going
to tell mamma! Freddy Wouldn't
you rather have some jam?-Harper's
Bazaar.
She-How Is 1t that v-1do VS. gener-
ally manage to marry again? He-Be-
| cause dead men tell no tales.-Ally
| SlOper.
Sparticus that fountain-pen Of
| yours leak that way all the time?
| Smarticus-No, only when l have ink
in it.-Baltimore American.
Il see you advertise piano covers"
said the man with a squiint Yes. we
| have all kinds" said the clerk. Let
me look at some that are Theoretically
sealed, then."-Yonkers Statesman.
i've met several other people from
your city," said the Bostonian, land
| every one Of them said Where is il
at'?' Where is what at?" demanded
the New Yorker.-Kansas City indie
| pendent.
Slidey Slats-Please, mum, but we're
a couple Nv shipwrecked sailors--
Lady-What. You nevey was near the
| water. Slidey Slars-I uffickly right,
mum, puffickly right. We wuz on a
air-ship.-Judge.
do you mean to say you don't hav 9
any trouble in keeping your wife
dressed in the height of fashion,"
That's what l said. My trouble comes
when 1 don't keep her dressed that
way."-Philadelphia Press.
Il suppose you ha re made it rule
in politics never to forget friend"
There's no danger Of that" answered
Senator Sorghum; IF man has done
anything friendly for you in politics he
never lets you forget tx.
| Crabshaw-He has the inventive fac
ulty very highly developed. Crawford
What has he invented? Crabshaw-
Nothing, so far as l know. But when
his wife goes out he can think Of things
to keep the baby amused by the hour. y
Judge.
She-Jack played an awfully heart
less trick on Flossie. He-How's that?
She-Why, they were engaged, you
know, and last night, at the bal
masque, Jack made up so that Flossie
didn't know him. He proposed and
was accepted again.
"Now that you are wealthy, Mr..
c." said the man who deals In pedi-
grees and the like. you really should
begin to adopt a coat Of arms" "Ill
do just as l please" retorted Mr.. G.,
hotly. IF I like to go about in my
shirt sleeves, that amt none O your
businessv'
when you first entered politics. y
said the young man, who was looking
for knowledge, did you set out with
the determination to win at any cost?'
No" answered Senator Sorghum, Il
set out with the determination to win
at as little expense as possible" -
Washington Star.
81 won't go abroad" "Sea travel
disagrees with your "No." "Busi-
ness keeps you here continually, eh:"
NO" "Sight-seeing wearies your
NO" "Then why, pray, don't you go
abroad?" "Sh-h-h! I've only got four
dollars and twenty-five cents. Sleeve
land Plain Dealer.
Overheard During the Theatricals:
She-How we'll your wife plays Lady
Geraldine, Mr.. Jones! think the way
she puts on that awful affected tone
Is Just splendid. How does she man
age it? Mr.. Jones with embarrass-
ment)-Er-she doesn't. That's her
natural voice.-London Tit-Bits.
Darling" exclaimed the happy hus-
band after the minister had pro-
nounced the fatal words, Il am not
worthy Of you" "Of course, you are
not" she replied; but after a girl has
celebrated her twenty-fifth birthday
for five consecutive years she can't af-
ford to be too particular. "-Cincinnau
Enquirer.
| "Mr. Scrapem," said the hostess to
an amateur violinist at an evening
gathering, you play the violin, do you
not?" Eyes, after fashion. you
know" was the modest reply. How
nice" murmured half the company;
did you bring your violin with your
mo: l did not" How nice" muir
INJURED the other half Of the company
in feryent unison.-GalvestOn News.
Hodge (who has just had tooth
drawn)-Well, guv'nor, how much do
YOU ak for the job? You did do it
| quick. Dentist-My charge is two-and-
six. Hodge-Two-ands six? Why. a
doctor down at our place drawed a
tooth for me once and it took him two
hours: he hauled me round and round
the room-I never see'E such hard
work-and he only charged me shill-
| in'-Scraps.
| Are you q fatalist Do you be-
lieye what is to be will be?' We'll,
YES. to a certain extent. l believe. for
instance. when l draw NJ salary that
the coal trust and the meat trust and
the grocer and the miikman. and the