The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1905-08-09

THAT SO? How much did he weishf"
Farmer Evans stroked his chin whis.
kers meditatively and replied, "Waal.
guess"
"'Bout three hundred" said one
farmer.
"No."
"T~o s~eventy.fve?" ventured anoth-
er.
"No."
II guess about three twenty-five"
said a third.
mo"
Then all together demanded, "Well,
how much did he weight"
Dunno. Hain't weighed him yet"
Other men kept dropping in and hug
ging the stove, for the day was cold
and snowy outside.
An Order For Oysters.
In came Cy Hopkins, wrapped in a
big %overcoat, yet almost frozen to
death, but there wasn't room enough
around that stove to warm his little
finger.
But he didn't get mad about it; he
just said to Bill Stebbins, who kept the
store, bill. got any raw oysters?"
"Yes, Cy."
"Well. just open a dozen and feed
EN- to my hoss."
Well, Stebbins never was scared by
an order from a man whose credit
was good, rs Cy's was. so he opened
the oysters an took them out, an the
whole GROVE followed to see a horse
eat oysters. Then Cy picked out the
best seat near the stove and dropped
into it as if he had come to stay, as
he had.
Pretty soon the crowd came back,
and the storekeeper said, why, Cy,
! your boss won't eat them oysters"
Wont he? Well. then, bring 'em
here an I'll eat 'em myself"
Evans and Hoey.
When Charley Evans and Bill Hoey
travelled together. they had no end of
good natured banter between them.
Once when IIoey saw Evans mixing
lemon juice and water for Il gargle he
asked, What are you doing that for,
! Charley"
"Oh, for my singing"
suppose YOU put some in your ear.
then maybe you'll be able to find the
key"
! While they were crossing the ocean
Evans came on deck one day dressed
in the latest summer fa~shion-duck
trousers. straw hat. etc.-and asked
Hoey, How do you like me, BillY"
"Weil. all you need to do now is to
have your ears pierced" was the reply.
Evans always carried the money for
both, and the two men had a fancy for
wearing trousers of the same material,
though of different sizes, for Evans
was slighter than his partner. One
day Eoey fell on hard luck. He had
been to the Derby races, where a pick
pocket relieved him of his watch and
his money too. They were to start for
America next morning, and Evans had
plenty Of money and return tickets
also, yet Hoey was so cut up by his
losses that he went to bed early ana
tried to drop asleep. This did not
work. so after tossing for several
hours, by which time Evans had re-
tired. he got up and began to dress
himself. But. to his horror, his figure
seemed to have swclled in the night.
This was the last straw. He woke
his partner and with tears in his eyes
and his voice, too, he said, Charley.
besides all my hard luck today, I'm
getting dropsy."
BILL" said Evans, after a glance,
''go into the other room and take of
my pants"
Hoyt and the Broker.
A certain diamond broker called on
the late Charles Hoyt with n large bill.
While Hoyt was drawing a check the
broker said, Charley, a dear friend Of
mine was robbed yesterday"
us that so? Why, what did you sell
him.
w. S. Gilbert, although not al actor.
Is a playwright and extremely critical.
F, A London favOrite had the best part in
n Of Gilbert's pieces, but the author
thought him slow. Going behind the
scenes after the performance, Gilbert
noted that tie actors brow was per-
! spring, SO be said:
WELL, at all events, your skin has
been acting"
Gilbert can give evasive W that
cut like a knife. A player of the title
part Of Hamlet asked Gilbert's opinion
of the performance.
"You are funny, without being vul-
gar" was the reply.
Forbes Robertson, who essayed the
same part. asked Gilbert. what do
you think Of Hamlet?"
Gilbert answered: "WOnderful play.
old man. Most wonderful play ever
written"
Irving and Mansfield.
Z. s. Willard tells the following story
Of Charles Glenny Of Irving's Lyceum