davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1905-10-22
A RED LETTER DAY.

One day last week my ma she goes
To Connersville to see my aunt,
An pa stays home; ma says she knows
He won't do things right, cause he can't!
But pa just laugh, an say " Go on"
He guess at he is old enough,
An men, soon as my mas gone,
Light his cigar an puff an puff.
He promise ma he'll watch me, too,
An see at he makes me buhhave-
He say do what want to do,
An so I play I found a cave
In our back yard ats full O. gold
Or mebbes got pirut chest
'At's damned 18th gems all it IL hold
don't know which IL be tn best.
An so dig gre big hole,
An men p'tend at I'm man
diggin' out lot O. coal
An men get sprinklin' can
An pour tn water in tn place
P'tendin' it's a nocean now
An get mud acrost my face
An on my waist an pants, somehow.
Men purity soon tn mud's so much
It gets all on me everywhere
An stay right on me where 1t touch,
MY feet an arms an hands an hair
Men pa he come an look at me
An laugh an laugh an laugh an say:
"You're like your papa useto be
When he was turned out loose this way"
An nen he put me in tn tub
An hung my clo'es up on tn hooks,
An scrub an scrub an scrub an scrub
An say: II reco'nize your looks"
An when my ma come home I'm clean
An she say: My, you got on fne!"
An pa he whisper: Don't be mean,
An tell those pranks O. yours an NINE"
wisht my ma would go away
A whole day like she did buhfore
An tell my pa he's got to stay
So can get in mud some more.
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1905-10-22
600
Beautiful Snow.

Student " writes to
ask Who wrote 'Beauti-
full Snow?"
The best authorities diff
fer widely on this point.
Others do not take enough
trouble to differ. We have
gone to considerable trou-
BILE, however. and have
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1905-10-22
It Puzzled Him.

"What the students gig5lng at Prof. Tw1gg1tt
about?" asked the member Of the grammar GLASS;
HE is absent minded, know; and new fire
hydrant put the campus, and he examined it
and half trying to determine to which family
IF cactus it belonged"
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1905-10-22
NOncOnnittal.

Have you read my book of poens?" asks the tnd1-
vdual with the hungry eyes and the long hair.
"In way, yes" answers the cross person to whom
the sough through apple trees is
ly hint that apple pie ought to be on the menu IN
a way yes. And, while I judge of such things,
I don't mind saying to you that the index to that
book is of the best arranged and most tasteful
indexes have ever seen"
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1905-10-22
He Got It.


who's the scrub the captain is putting the
bulky right guard
That fellow with the eyeglasses?" asks the right
guard. "Thats Of these authors who write football
wherein the the ball around the
and two hundred yards upsetng all the the
field, and kicks goal, dozen other desperate
feats and wins the naughty heiress who watching him
the grandstand He is going 10 try the game for
little while that he may have the actual experience.
hours later the author of football stories looks
the the white robed and asks her to
bring package manuscript from nis grip he
desires to burn it.
Might Do.
rive perfected scientific system of making people
giad' announced with the high forehead. By
dispelled within minutes. and all of melan-
choy unhappiness and similar Affections be eradi
quickly trouble is don't know what
give my profession. want word that will tell the
whole story at glance
why not asks the with the discouraged whis
kers. why not call yourself cheerupodist?"
The Modern Way.
Young man." said the old person who had attained
considerable wealth and must climb the ladder
of round by round. It will not do to-
Skiddoo for you uncle!' aiily replied the earnest
youth. whats the Of plugging along on a ladder
when the express elevators stop at every floor"
$3.50
It easy enough for the innucent bystander to ex-
plain why he is innocent but the difficulty
lies in making plain why he is a bystander+
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1905-10-22
1t May Happen.

IL Wdy 71HPpSNs
Your education seems to have been sadly
neglected." says the candid person. 8"
prised that a man Of your birth and breeding
and evident station in life is unable to read or
write and knows absolutely nothing about even
the most elementary Sciences
L ashamed of it." confesses the other.
I" But you see when was small there was no
correspondence school that taught the alphabet
and penmanshp, and so I was deprived Of the
fundamentals of an education"
Unlucky Pete Skidder who fretted all last
winter because he had SUCH poor crop, is
madden than ever this year. He had more corn
than he could handle properly.
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1905-10-22

Some women can appear
soulful when they turn their eyes upward:
others merely attain the expression of look
ing for balloon.
Just because It rains on day that you
plan to take a drive, do not decide that you
are victim of fate.
Drinking In Her Beauty.
Her lips are red as claret Is,
And she does not grow vain
If you assert her glowing eyes
Are brighter than champagne.
Her beauty will intoxicate--
And o, this cunning girl
Lures on her victims one by one;
She wears a corkscrew curl.
coo
Hard luck makes more friends than pros
perity.
It is better to be forgotten utterly than to
be remembered only through a lot of fool
things you have done.
There are many kinds Of reform, but we
hope and pray we may never be so thoroughly
changed as to give the impression that we
never were young.
4@4
MYSTERIOUS.
Lille and Lou are the selfsame height
And the selfsame size as we'll,
But Lou is heavy and Lille light
BY the tale the scales will tell.
Lille and Lou wear clothes alike
As to hat and shoes and dress
But that one balance alone they strike,
For Miss Lou weighs ten pounds less.
A woman can get just as angry over not
getting a new dress as if she had been able
to get it and then it had been rained on and
spoiled.
One Of these days some man will become
independently rich by inventing toy that
will look as if it were something a child
should not be allowed to play with.
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1905-10-22

for breach of PROMISE
it heart?'
stricken wifha sorrow''
sad"
all
further interest in anything
aH crushed"
And them"
a
Mr. dp the
with Mr.
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1905-10-22
faint.

faint.
amt gon to haven in
money know"
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1905-10-22
%%%@
Obeyed Orders.

"What want you to d." said the man who had en-
gagged the stenographer is transcribe letters
exactly I dictate them. I don't any of these
;ulted forms in my correspondence. What I believe in
oing is putting personality in my correspon-
ence.'
Yes SIR said the stenographer, meekly. And
his is the that went forward customer Of
- he firm that afternoon
l." Mr. John B.-what the dickens is the name of that
elbow down at Bingville-O, Smith, who that at
3ingvile that asked for priceS?-What?- Skidmore?-
sounds like Skiddoo-An right-Iet see; where T.?
John B. Skdmore Esq, Bingvlle Texas. Dear Sir
Wait minute. Better jolly him along little. My dear
acknowledging valued letter of the-What
his letter? Where is his letter, anyhow? Here
It is Writes like hen walking barnyard Can't
make the date. Looks like 44th. Well, just say,
epying to valued favor of recent date take pleas
in saying that quote the following prices
Say, Smith, what will this duer stand for? O, give it
him harder than that He lives at Bingve If lived
n Bingvle I'd thank anyone soaking hard
d have leave town. In lots. $50 tom There that's
Lbout 40 higher than we'd charge anyone else
Vow finish it with Awaiting further requests,
reg to remain yours sincerely"
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1905-10-22

teen Indiana poets who cannot now be
located. We shall hold to this belief I'M
less we are successful in working out
theory that Beautiful Snow " was COM
posed by the author of " Mary's Lamb"
after her reversal of form. In further
answer to " Student - we might state that
parodies on beautiful Snow" in odd
sizes and shapes, are sometimes utilized
as filling for what would otherwise be
blank space.
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1905-10-22
HIS SYSTEM.

"HoU do you monageste catc6 your
fleeing fancies 2" asks tie editor.
ri vrite item on fig paper" ex-
plains tie contributor.
grow old. and thereafter be remembered by
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1905-10-22


Beau
his discussion of
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1905-10-22
Lost His Enthusiasm.

What we W a n t,
shouted the candidate,
is truth! Let us have
the truth concerning the
issues at stake Let us
20 forward into the bat
tie with but one thought
and purpose actuating US
to achieve the TRUTH"
All right" whispered
a pale gray apparition
that arose before him.
First thing We'll do will
be to tell the truth about
-S~,, -
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1905-10-22
Evolution of a Word.

Lexicon" drops us a note to ask If
there is any connection between the words
"ante," andante /" and DANTE"
It may be that Lexicon us four-fush-
ing to some extent in this query, or that
he or she is indulging in quiet little
nation of sincere seekers after knowledge
} sort of derivative element in the three
IS fast; "andante - is slowing up, and
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1905-10-22

Pleading sudden illness and previous
en- gagement, the orator left the rostrum
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1905-10-22

Mr. Blimm-"If both Of us were to pro-
pose to you right now, which of us would
you accept? Myself or MIR. Blamm?"
Miss Shigh-" Mr. Blamm."
Mr. Blimm-" Well, was merely curious
to know"
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1905-10-22

But you'll not do said the artist to the
applicant who wished to pose. Il advertised
ior model for Ajax defying the lightning"
Pm the man, sir. I'm teamster, and
I've held up ten blocks of street cars every day
ior year,
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1905-10-22

being with gray hair and
an unfathomable pocket
filled with pennies
We know one man of
fine physique who habit
ually walks sag backed so
that no one by any posi-
BILE chance will think he
wears a corset.
-
We are an ingenious peo-
pie. Now there is no phase
Of enmity or friendship or
even love that may not be
expressed Tor mailed) by
means Of a post card.
Owing to the demands
of space we refrain from
writing ha ha " after the
words "or mailed " in
parantheses.)
We are going to shudder
once more. We have again
been thinking of the young
man who wears coats
padded to twice his Shout
der width and possibly
condenses his waist in
stays
Some folks fondness for
literature Is confined to the
newspaper that is big
enough to start the CRATE
and range fire with.
( 49,
You can excuse a grea'
many shortcomings b,
claiming to be a person o
high ideals.
Young man, you viii
realize some day that tn
folks who talk so niue
about the JOY Of paintin
the town red are directl
or indirectly concerned i
the manufacture and sal
of the pigment used
such decorative efforts.
C~roo ~rv<,S,o1, - - o~-o-
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1905-10-22

"Why is it," asks the portly customer, that
heshy gentlemen seems to be the best patrons of
a jeweler ?" ~
II suppose, sir" ventures the salesman, that
it is because they have-er-more space to dis
play the goods on.''
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1905-10-22
PERTURRING,

"Busy?" signs the eminent specialist.
BUSY? Why, there are. such great de-
mands on my time that have been I'M
able to give proper attention to seven of
my wealthiest patients, and now I have
lost them
"Too bad" sympathizes the friend.
And so they died?'
No. They got WE'LL"
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1905-10-22
Faithful View.

This" said the man,
unrollingas sheet Of draw
ings, " is the architects
picture Of the new house
I expect to build. This
is a front and side ele-
walton. You see, the
porte-cochere will be
here, and the main en-
trance will have"
How natural!" inter-
rupts the friend. =" The
architect has drawn it
true to life"
" Yes, it is a very good
illustration"
i" Why, he even has
drawn in the people who
sell building materials
and the contractors COM
ing up the street and
along the walk to the
house with their bills in
their hands,
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1905-10-22
Hard TO Understand.

"Willie, do you not feel remorse
that l have discovered that you
told me story this morning?
Eyes, ma'am. I'm ashamed of
myself. Why, many time poorer
story than that has made good with
you."
pleasantly at our expense, but for the info,
we would say that there seems to be SON
Montpelier examiner. [volume] (Montpelier, Idaho) 1895-1937, 1905-04-21
Win Give a Ball.

At the meeting of the Improve
ment society, held last Monday
afternoon the name of Mrs. Barclay
was added to the Membership COM
mittee, those of Mesdames Burgoyne
and Clark to the Park committee
and those of Mesdames Poynter and
Hammond to the Cemetery com.
mittee.
The society decided to give ball
at Oakley's hall on the evening of
May lst for the purpose of raising
funds to be used in improving the
city park.
Montpelier examiner. [volume] (Montpelier, Idaho) 1895-1937, 1905-04-21
Arbor Day.

County Superintendent Hart has
designated today, Friday, as Arbor
Day, but he failed to furnish this
paper with a copy of his proclama-
tion until last Monday. Neither
were the school districts in Mont
pelier apprised of the fact until
about the same time, consequently
the schools did not have time in
which to prepare any elaborate pro-
CRANES. However, trees were plant
ed today at both school grounds and
doubtless some of the country dis,
tricts observed the day in an appro-
pirate manner.
Montpelier examiner. [volume] (Montpelier, Idaho) 1895-1937, 1905-04-21
Passed Mental Examination.

r. w. Gee received word Monday
that the University record of his
son, Cleve, had been accepted by
the war department. and that the lat
ter would not have to take any
further mental examination for en-
trance at the W est Point academy.
On May 1st Cleve will go to Helena,
Mont, TO take the physical examin-
alton and if he passes on that he
will then be entitled to admission at
the academy.
The acceptance OF Cleve's record
at the Moscow University, by the
War department, speaks well for
him, as 1t requires very high stand
ing on mental examinations TO en-
title an appointee to admission to
the military academy. The physical
examinations are also very rigid but
Mr.. Gee feels confident that Cleve
will pass muster on that equally as
well as he did on the mental exam
inatlon.
Montpelier examiner. [volume] (Montpelier, Idaho) 1895-1937, 1905-04-21
Prompt Payment.

Last Saturday Mob. Thomson,
clerk of the local lodge of Yeoman,
received from the head office check
for $1,000 in settlement of the life
benefit certificate held in that order
by the late c. A. Pearson. The
paymen: was made in just fourteen
days after the death of Mr.. Pearson
and the prompt settlement speaks
very highly for the Yeoman, which
is one of the rapidly growing
fraternal orders of the country.
Montpelier examiner. [volume] (Montpelier, Idaho) 1895-1937, 1905-04-21
A STEAM LAUNDRY.
Several Logan Gentleman Figuring
on Putting In a $500 Plant
In Montpelier.

A steam laundry will, in all
probability, be doing business in
Montpelier within the next SIXTY
days. Sunday Messrs. A. d. Bell
and F. w. Brock arrived In Mont
pelier from Logan, with the view of.
establishing laundry here. They
have met with considerable difficulty
in securing location, and have not
yet fully decided upon one. They
are, however, we'll pleased with the
town, and unless some unforeseen
thing happens, they will have a
steam laundry In operation here as
soon as the plant can be secured and
set up. Mr.. Brock is practical
laundry man, and says they will put
in strictly modern plant, costing
between $250O and $4,000. If they
do the business they anticipate, they
will employ five or six girls, besides
man to run their engine, a delivery
man and book kkeeper, making
pay roll of about $l0O week,
There is evidently good open
ing for a steam laundry here and if
these gentlemen put plant in oper-
alton our citizens should give them
all the patronage possible
Montpelier examiner. [volume] (Montpelier, Idaho) 1895-1937, 1905-04-21
Hollow Cement Blocks.

In the rear OF the Oakley build
ing may be seen about so of the
hollow cement blocks that have been
made by Mr.. Oakley and others who
are interested with him in this new
enterprise. None of the blocks are
thoroughly seasoned yet but they
appear now to be as solid and dur
able as aEy building stone found in
the west.
There seems to be no doubt but
what these cement blocks are the
coming building material. Com
panies are being formed for the
manufacture of them IN many towns
throughout the west. At Twin
Falls $40, 600 hotel and at Noun.
tam Home a three story business
block is being constructed of these
blocks. In Salt Lake they are be-
ing extensively used and at Evanston
the county is erecting residence
out of them for the sheriff.
In making the blocks here the
work SO far has been largely expert
mental, but Mr.. Oakley has now as
certained the exact proportion of
gravel, sand and cement to use and
he is confident they are now making
blocks equal to the best made any-
where IN the country.
Montpelier examiner. [volume] (Montpelier, Idaho) 1895-1937, 1905-04-21
Death Of Thos. Danks.

Thomas Danks died at his home
near this city Wednesday evening,
April 10, from pneumonia after an
illness of only few days. Deceased
was 81 years of age and had been a
resident of this valley for about 20
years. A wife, three sons and two
daughters survive him. The funeral
will be held at the l.. d. S.. meeting
house tomorrow, but we have not
been able to learn The hour.
Montpelier examiner. [volume] (Montpelier, Idaho) 1895-1937, 1905-04-21

the trip with team and light
wagon. Mr.. Vaterlaus says that it
is an outrage to the people, both of
Star valley and Montpelier to have
a road in such condition. 1t is a
burden to the merchants in Star
valley for they are now compelled
to pay storage on freight piled up
here In the depot and which cannot
be moved for several days yet.
He says the people of Star valley
Will contribute from $500 to $500
in money and labor toward improv-
ing the road. If Montpelier would
do that we'll, 1t would 90 long
ways toward improving conditions.
Mr.. Vaterlaus reports that his
business IS fairly good and the peo-
pie are beginning to appreciate the
benefits of newspaper to COM
muniry. Another creamery will
in all probability be established in
the valley this year, he says.
Montpelier examiner. [volume] (Montpelier, Idaho) 1895-1937, 1905-04-21
MONTPELIER IDAHO, FRIDAY, APRIL u, 1905.

Brady, informing him that Bear
Lake wants in on this proposition,
and request that we be notified how
soon such matter should be pre-
pared for the advertising pamphlet.
Montpelier examiner. [volume] (Montpelier, Idaho) 1895-1937, 1905-04-21
Bishop Hogan Dead.

Bishop Ira Hogan of GENTLE Val
ley, Bannock county, died in Soda
Springs last Sunday after an illness
of only three days with pneumonia.
Deceased was native OF Utah, but
bad recided in Gentle Valley for
"a years, and had been leading
spirit in every movement for the
advancement of that community.
It was largely through bis efforts
that two fine meeting houses now
grace the Thatcher Ward. A wife
and eight children survive him.
Montpelier examiner. [volume] (Montpelier, Idaho) 1895-1937, 1905-04-21
Come, Help Yourself.

The Examiner Office. has just re.
celved from Uncle Sam consign-
ment of various kinds of garden
seeds. Our friends are welcome to
them as long as they last. Call at
the office and help yourself.
Montpelier examiner. [volume] (Montpelier, Idaho) 1895-1937, 1905-04-21
Out from Star Valley.

c. S. Vaterlaus, editor of the
Alton Independent, was in the city
Monday. He reports that the Alton
road is in a frightful condition and
that ne was nearly two days making
Montpelier examiner. [volume] (Montpelier, Idaho) 1895-1937, 1905-04-21
ADVERTISE SOUTHERN IDAHO.
Eastern Visitors to Portland to be
Furnished with Reading Mat
ter--Chance for Bear Lake.

Col. Allen Miller, immigration
Commissioner, has taken steps to
have southeastern Idaho advertised
at the Portland exposition. His
idea is to publish pamphlet con-
tanning a description of certain
counties in southern and southeast
ern Idaho for free distribution at
Portland and on the through trains.
Such, pamphlet, if properly pre-
pared and judlciously distributed,
would be of vast benefit to the state.
This action on the part of Mr..
Miller has suggested to j. H. Brady
of Pocatello, the idea of organizing
an ASSOCIATION for the development
of this section of the state, and we
herewith quote portion of letter
received from Mr.. Brady yesterday
"Thls has suggested the idea that
/, would be a wise and beneficial
move to organize an association for
the development of southeastern
Idaho for the purpose of advertising
the same in every manner possible
during the Portland Exposition and
as much longer as is found beneficial
and profitable.
cat the request of several prom
inent parties IN different counties,
we have decided to call meeting
of representatives from each of the
southeastern counties to meet at my
Office in Pocatello on Monday, April
oath at one O'clock.
"Your presence is most earnestly
requested, as We are fully convinced
that an organization of this kind
will be of great benefit to our state
in general and the southeast in par
ticular."
81 would be pleased to have you
advise me by early mail whether or
not 1t will be possible for you to be
present"
Mr.. Brady's idea of organizing
an association, for the purpose as
stated, Is Il commendable one and
Bear Lake county should certainly
be represented in the organization.
1t will be impossible for us to at
tend the meeting at Pocatello next
Monday, but we would like to see
some representative citizen go. Here
is chance for the Advertising com
mittee from the Commercial club to
do some good work. This commit.
tee should, by all means, see TO il
that an able and comprehensive de.
scription of the resources of Bear
Lake county is prepared for the
proposed pamphlet. If it is impos.
slble for anyone from here to attend
the meeting at Pocatello Monday, a
letter should be addressed to Mr..
Montpelier examiner. [volume] (Montpelier, Idaho) 1895-1937, 1905-04-21

See the beautiful military drama,
"Between Love and Duty" at the
opera house tomorrow night.
Canyon City news. (Canyon City, Tex.) 1903-1908, 1905-04-28

more than anything else would
most rapidly bring this about is
the esta blishment of a packery
at Amarillo. This, would fur
nish the Panhandle for a good
circle around Amarillo, home
market for small lots-the
ripened ones-just what the hog
farmer in the North en- Joys and
be. this same farmer, would like
to have here.
But packery or no packery at
Amarillo, gentlemen Of this as.
ISOLATION, the future of our Pan
handle as successful hog, and
alfalfa country is already assur-
ed
Canyon City news. (Canyon City, Tex.) 1903-1908, 1905-04-28
The Texas Trade Review

The Texas Trade Review is
responsible for the assertion
that nearly ninty-five per cent
of the business failures for 1904,
were among those who did not
advertise in the newspaper.
The News man is not at all sur
prised at this for in his ex-
perience Of, say twenty years,
in one Of the best towns in
Texas, Lampasas, he has seen
all the big advertisers grow rich
while the non advertiser, al
though often beginning full
handed, has invariably gone to
the wall or retired because, as
be said, there was nothing in
his line of business.