The Monticellonian., 1905-12-14

Is W0tJe, ana nerves that are JTeInDlSt and no gall to speak of why a big man is liable to be walked all over by a neryy little man who is spunky. and gets mad and froths at the mouth.
 have been having great times with the monkeys, and l guess the manager will make ne superintendent of mon- keys. cause they all seem to be stuck on me. and will do anything tell them to- Pa says they think l am some new kind of monkey, and they look up to me. I lead out the big monkeys that ride the goats and dogs, and have a horse race in the ring, and tasten them on the little animals, and when they ride around the ring on the dogs and goats and ponies, they keep look ing at me as though they wanted my approval.
 There is one little monkey that sleeps nearly all the time, and played a trick on pa with it that like to got me arrested and licked by man who was mad man and woman with baby in little wagon were go- ing through the menagerie, and it was crowded, and they left the baby and wagon in pas charge, near the monkey cage, while they went to see the hip- Bepotamus. Pa is the most accom- modating man about holding babies that ever was. The baby was asleep when it's folks left it in the wagon with pa, but it woke up while they were gone. and pa took 1t out of the baby wagon and carried it around just az he would at home, and showed it the animals, and held it up on his shoul- der and l took the little monkey and put it ill the baby wagon, and it went to sleep, and I put veil over it, and Was standing by the wagon talking with a peanut butcher, when the par ents of the baby came back, and the woman raised up the veil 10 see if the child was asleep when the monkey woke up and put it's hairy hands up to rub its eyes. The monkeys looked up at the woman with beady eyes and began to chatter, and she yelled and her husband took a look at the monk and he was mad They could both see it was monkey instead of baby and they asked where the old man with the chin whiskers was that they left | the baby with, and the peanut butcher said What, that old guy with the checkered vest? Why. he has gone with the baby over to the lion cage, where they are feeding the lions Don't yoH see him holding the baby upon his shoulder?" By ginger. l never saw two people sprint the way they did cause l guess they thought pa was sure crazy, and would give the baby to the lions But 1 told them the old man was all right and would bring the baby back, and if he didn't they could have the monkey, cause didn't want them to think they were going to be losers while attending our show. Then 1 chucked the monkey under the chin and said: Maybe this is your baby, cause they change wonderfully when they get into a show.
 Well, just had time to put the mon- key back in the cage when l saw that couple surround pa. and the woman grabbed the baby out of his arms, and the man tackled pa around the legs be- low the knee, and threw pa down un- der the ostrich cage and said: You kidnaper, l am a good mind to choke the life out of you" and he squeezed pas windpipe until pas tongue run out, when a canvasman came along l. .l fr, Ia, ho laid down near a zebra, and the zebra kicked at the man and hit pa, cause a zebra is cross-eyed and kicks like woman throws a stone, and no man knows where it listeth.
 Pa got up to murder the man that choked him, when the ostrich reached it's head out between the bars of th9 cage and picked pas big diamond stud off his shirt, big as a piece of rock candy. and swallowed it. and p said that's the limit, and he called he manager and asked him how he was going to get his diamond stud out Of the ostrich. The manager told pa to go to the dressing room and ask the woman who has charge of the ward robe for the ostrich stomach pump and when he got the stomach pump ths manager said the ostrich would cough up the diamond stud. Pa went off to the dressing room to get the ostrich stomach pump, and l knew there was going to be trouble, cause 1 thought the manager was just string ing pa.
 Well, he went up to the woman in the dressing room, and said he came after her stomach pump. ostrich size, and you'd died to see the ruction. The woman looked at pa as though he had escaped from sanitarium, and then she seemed to think he was try ing to make game of her, and she said: You old skate, do you know who you have the honor of addressing3 l am the queen of this realm, and they all kow-tow to me; now you come and take your medicine" and before pa could say boo she had pulled a big clothes bag over his head and tied 1t around his feet, and said: Come on. girls we are going to have roasted missionary" and they were lighting a gasoline torch to roast pa. when the owner of the show came along and asked what was up. When the ward robe woman told him pa had insulted her. the owner gave her $10 to buy champagne for the performers. and she released pa, and he went back to choke his diamond out of the ostrich.