Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1905-08-04

Nv
lis she sentimentai2" "veryl She
will even weep over her old divorce !
papers. Judge.
Hewitt many meals did you
have on the voyage. Jewett-Gross or
net?-Brooklyn Life
ut seems Woodby has discovered
that he has a family tree.'' "Yes, it's
an outgrowth Of his successful busi-
ness plant"
$50 the lawyers got most all the
estate. Did Ethel get anything?'
"Oh, yes. She got one of the law
yers. Judge.
Employer Ito new Office boy)-Has
the cashier told you what you are to
do this afternoon. Office boy-Yes,
SIR I'm to wake him when / see you
coning.-Scraps.
Magistrate-You say your machine
was beyond your control. Chauffeur
Yes, your honor. If l could have con-
/ trolled 1t the cop wouldn't have caught
! me.-New York Mail.
Poet-I see you accepted one Of my
poems and refused the other Editor
Yes; took one Of them out of SYM
pathy for you, and refused the other
out of sympathy for the public.
George certainly is a man Of ac-
tion." what has he done?" "Why,
the very next day after the heiress
accepted him he gave up his job at
the bank and joined the Don't Worry
Club"
you'll take a couple Of tickets, Of
course. We're getting up rattle for
a poor cripple in our neighborhood-
''None for me, thank you. 1 wouldn't
know what to do with a poor cripple
If l won him.
"Wel," asked the architect who had
been commissioned to make a set Of
plans for New York hotel, ''how do
you like them?" "They won't do.
You have provided for only six differ
ent kinds of dining-rooms. ."-Ex.
Kind lady-You can get work beat
ing carpets two doors from here-they
are cleaning house. Homeless Holmes
Thanks, mum. mighter bumped
right inter it If youse hadn't warned
me. I'll steer clear of it, mum-Cleve.
land Leader.
Jones Ito Brown, who has been re-
lating his wonderful adventures in
Russia)-And I suppose you visited
the great steppes of Russia? Brown
should rather think so. And walked
up every blessed one of them on my
hands and knees.
Office boy-Miss Keyes, please let
me look at your face? Miss Keyes-
What for7 Office boy-Why, the boss
said some Of the paint was scratched
off his typewriter. I didn't know
whether he meant you or the ma
chine.-Chicago News.
, The three-year-old daughter of 9
, leading minister resents too great
familiarity. A few evenings ago
, though she seemed little unwilling
. caller took her upon his lap, where
7 upon she said with great gravity: 'l
, want to sit in my own lap"
Mabel (not in her first youth)-Firs
of all he held my hand and told my
fortune; and then, Evie, he gazed int
my face ever SO long and said he coull
read my thoughtsI Wasn't that cleve
e of him, dear? Evie-Oh, suppose h,
read between the lines, darling
Punch.
What did you discuss at your II
brary club this afternoon, deal? 2
asked the husband in the evening
LET me see," murmured his wife
"oh, yes, I remember now. Why, W,
:. discussed that woman who recent.
moved into the house across the street
and Longfellow."-Ex.
!, Pausing uncertainty before a desl
In the big insurance office, the Hiber
r nian visitor said to the clerk: 20
q want to tex out a pawlicy." Life
!. FIRE or mariner? drawled the dappe
t clerk with infinite sarcasm. "Al three
Il Dim thinkin'," retorted the applicant
>. "Opm goin' fer a stoker in tn navy.
Puck.
Mrs. Younglove-Our cook say
those eggs you sent yesterday wer
n ancient. Grocer-Very sorry, ma'an
y They were the best we could get. Yo
n see, all the young chickens were kille
n off for the holiday trade, SO the oil
e hens are the only ones left to do tn
r tiayin'. Mrs. Younglove-Oh, to b
g sure. OF course. I hadn't thought Q
t. that.-Chicago Record-Herald.
Il Prom Appearances.
l. When the six-year-old son wa