Manchester Democrat. [volume] (Manchester, Iowa) 1875-1930, 1905-02-15
Humorous
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AT dItS Cdu yOu Su'
your own meat?" "Humph!" said Ru.
dolph, who was saving away. Cant
I? I've cut grent deal tougher meat
than this at home"
Doctor-Ah! out for constitutions
al? She-Yes; l walk two miles be-
fore breakfast every morning for my
complexion. Doctor-Is the drug store
so far as that?-Exchange.
Mr.. A. Chromo?-NIrs. Newriche-
And who is this by? Picture Dealer
That is a chrome, madam. Mrs.
Newrlche-Oh, yes, of course 1t is.
Now that you mention 1t, I recognize
his style.
Softleigh-When I-aw-awskedh her
fob her hand in mawriage her bwutal
father thweatened to-aw-bwain me,
doncher know. Miss Cutting That's
Just like her father. He always was
fond of joke.-Chicago Daily News.
Usual Invltation-A lady was asked
by another where she and her hus-
band had taken up their abode. "Oh."
she replied, I'VE are living by tho
canal Mt present. We should be de-
lighted If you would drop in some even
ing"
A Proper Study.-Wall Street-So
your son is studying law. Do you ex-
pect that he will stick to it? Specu-
lator-Oh. no; just want him to know
enough about 1t SO that he will be able
to evade it observation-disclosures Free
Press.
A Fight in It.-"As Shakespeare
says" remarked Cassidy, who was
fond of airing his book larnin'" oc-
casionally, whats in name"
WELL" replied Casey, "call me wan
that OF don't like an Oi'll show ye."-
Philadelphia Press.
Bearitt-Thlngs were awfully dull
on Change to-day. Absolutely moth
ing doing in stocks. The buyers and
sellers failed to get together. Mrs.
Bearitt-Why don't you mark some Of
the stock down and advertise bar
gain sale?-Chicago News.
"Aaude graduated from your cock
ing school last spring, didn't she"
Yes; but she's going to take a post
graduate course this fall" Then she's
really going back to the school?" "Oh,
no; she's to be married to poor young
man.'-Catholic Standard-Times.
A Real Curioslty-That is curious
looking cane. major" said the visitor.
"a memento of the war of the rebel
lion, l suppose?' "Yes, Christmas
present" replied the old veteran. "It
was made from the hollow log 1 occu-
pied at the famous battle of Bull
Run"
Lyles-Did you ever come across a
more conceited fellow than Bulger7
They say he is an atheist; and be-
lieve he is. Bonter-I wouldn't like
to go so far as that; but / do know
that he doesn't recognize the exist
ence of superior being.-Town and
Country.
The Strange Hen-You'd hardly be-
lieve 1t, ladies', but in that part Of
the country from which / came In
cubators are unknown. The Modern
Hen-Goodness gracious! ! suppose
the supplemented folk out that way
still believe that hens sphere is her
nest.-Town Topics.
Directions for use.-The inventor OF
new feeding bottle for infants sent
out the Following ahiort his tiree.
tons for using: when the baby Is
1vsy ,I,f 1>r
and laid in cool place under the
hydrant. If the baby does not thrive
on fresh milk 1t should be boiled"
Deacon Good-Don't you think It
cruel for you to draw fish out of his
native element by a sharp iron hook?
Fisher Boy-It's no fault of mine.
When Pm just giving a worm salt
water bath, what does fish want to
hook himself onto my line for? It's
no business of his.-Boston Transcript.
Honest Policy.-An Irishman some
years ago entered Mr.. Hanna's office,
took of his hat politely and said: The
top of the mornin' to We, Misther Han
ma. I've been told ye're wantin' O.
help" II have very little to do" re-
piled Mr.. Hanna, with quiet smile of
humor. "Then," said the Irishman.
Pm the boy for yez. It's little care
about dom, sure; it's the money I'm
after"
Explanatory Rhcumatism.-Mart
the colored washerwoman. was COM
planning of her husbands health to
one of her patrons. He's ve'y poly.
ma'nm; ve'y poly. He's got dat ex-
clamatory rheumatism" You mean
lnflammatory, Martha. Explanatory
Is from exclaim, which means to cry
out Eyes, miss" answered Martha,
with conviction, "dat's what it is. He
boilers all de time!
At a public school one of the boys
in a class had committed some grave
lnfraction of discipline. The teacher
announced that he would thrash the
whole class if some one did not tell
him who had committed the offense.
All were silent, and he began with
the first boy and tllrashed everyone in
the class until he finally reached the
last one. Then he said: Now, il
you will tell me who did this, l won't
punish YOU" ".All right, sir, l did it."
Scissors.
An Enormous Umbrella.
An umbrella big enough to cover a