The Montgomery advertiser., 1905-08-20
PA JONES AT THE SHORE

Remember Henry. that we are at the seashore now, and, for mercy's sake, don't act like Hedge Corners! re- marked Ma Jones. as she dived into trunk and hauled out spiders web waist, trimmed with mist. You are too careless in your dress ana speech for anything. and l am so dreadfully afraid that you will mortify me that don't know what to dol"
 Let not your heart be troubled. sweet one! Let not your heart be troubled" was the reassuring response Of Pa. You can always depend on your Uncle Henry! You can bet on him every time. It Is ten to one that he will be dashing under the wire while you, your dear mother. and little rIdo VIII he walking up the home stretch!
 'Indeed" was the scornful reJoinder of Ma as she threw Q wifely glare at the old man. T presume you think we don't know how to conduct ourselves properly! suppose you think"
 That's all right. Mary! That's all rightw interposed Pa. T know you have been reading a book of etiquette. and if the whole business of you don't make monkeys of yourselves 1t won't be the fault of the man who wrote II! This way of putting on a shine that you can buy for 10 cents at the corner news stand doesn't tickle me a bit! I would rather be natural, even if act like a yap"
 "Yes, I know you would. you heath en!' rejoined Ma in her sweet wifely way Tt Is just like you! It IS just ike All the rest of the Joneses! But | want to tell you right here that If you cannot conduct yourself in formal way shall have my meals served in my room"
 won't!" returned the brutal Pa. You wouldn't miss an opportunity to parade that waist in the diningroom. even If you had to lead me down tied to the end of pale pink ribbon! know you dear one, like a preacher knows his prayers, and Tim willing to bet a hun- dred that no woman ever suffered from A loss of appetite at a seashore hotel unless her best gown was in the wash"
 you pretty pet! You dear old thtefP' exclaimed the exasperated Ma. You know it all! You are wonder! But r."
 "Foreet 1t. Mary! Forget it!" intor- rupted Pa, with a Eclt-satisfied smile. Put the rest of 1t on Ice and keep it! Sing 1t next month. or. better still keep 1t until next winter. when we have nothing else to fight over! Now, then, continue your instruction! Show me how to keep step with your pride! Tell me what to do in order to act like a Smith! Tell me"
 well. in the first place." said Ma, with dignified air. T want you to put on evening dreSs and go down stairs looking like a gentleman instead of Q Jones' Then I want to call your atten- ton to the fact that the menu card will be printed in French. but that need not worry you. All that you have to do is to sit still. look wise. and when the waiter asks you if you will have this dish or that. just nod your head and you will get by without letting others at the table know that you ever came from Hedge Corners! Moreover. don't try to dig into things like you did down at Cousin Hez's, or I shall die on the spot"'
 "Don't worry, Mary! Don't worry!" responded the sanguine Pa. q am wise to the ways of judging French menu cards and before dinner is over you will be waving the glad flag while I slide through with bells onT
 TWO hours later Ma maJesticalIy swept swept into the hotel dining groom, decked out in halleluJah rags, and took