davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Danskeren. [volume] (Neenah, Wis.) 1892-1920, 1905-10-31

en- 5riboDn Selling G.
borg. S 9unOelstrebis / 5eliings
borg O~Oerpeier man for 5iben
Spergsmaolet ON Snbrettelie at IN
5riba0n. 9eliingborg menes at egns
zig ferbeles til ct faaoant Qnl9g paa
9runb at bets ndturtige gelissenheb
os gobe 5orbinbelfer meb Omberbenen
liant forbi 5Orbinbelfsn meo ublanoet
ijeIhsnt hinhres az Sc.
Wan er flur oosr, at Jorilaest
ri mebfpre fore ubgiftsr, men benz
bifer til, bDorlebes Odnmorfs lib
fFrisI sr tiltaset iioen asbenboOns
5riboDns Qnl9sgeIie.
Qp Qicentiot. Ganb. tbeoI.
Chr. @lorbo, Sen uf BAT. O.
Il Sldgslie, bar facet en- 2icentiatNf=
Ganbling ON ben religisie grtenbslfs
antu9en at bet t~feOloqiite 5atultet.
Sporbeisftriten / 4or.
ihug. Den Is. BE-. bar 9irsttionsn
lfrr Sporbejsfelfnbet ~forbonbltt met
1unftion1rerne, men uben 3eiultot
Direttionen bar if6lge .Qdrbus
Gtiftstioenbe" mobtuget ct grsb fra
5olfetbingsmanb 2nnafie, bbOri BEN
ne paa .Danff Qrbejosmdnbsfcr'
bunb"s gegne srflarer, at Jorbun'
bet misbiniger Stritsn. og at bar
The Black Hills union and western stock review. [volume] (Rapid City, S.D.) 1904-19??, 1905-11-10

old maid, the grass widow, the poet,
the bachelor, the sausage, the boarding
house, and so on, are so familiar to all
readers that any smiles they may
chance to bring out are far from com.
plimentary to the joke makers.
Some jokes are too good to die, and
it Is a mark of genius in a caterer to
the taste Of the time to revive them in
a form that has the hue Of modern
life In it. In this way witty sayings
are attributed to Lincoln or Web.
ster or Henry Ward Beecher which
they in their day laughed at and per.
haps quoted as flashes Of wit current
Oh the lips Of their forefathers. One
reason for the revival Of jokes in each
generation is that clever minds seize
upon them in real situations, and to
remember a bright retort at the proper
time is the next best thing to original.
ing one, for it is true in humor as in
many other things that about every
thing worth doing has already been
done. One country editor blessed with
the gift Of humor spread it over his
pages literally while he was fresh at
the work. Having created IN appetite
among his readers which made the
burden Of feeding 1t onerous, he dug
up from old prints an tneShaustible
supply which he confessed was equal
to his own, and as the readers didn't
know the difference he kept up the
reputation of his paper for wit long
after it was q bore to him personally.
The American propensity for Joking
is doubtless an inheritance from the
pioneers to whom humor was q god.
send. Life was hard and, as they must
have viewed it, almost hopeless. 1t
was q gift when a man had the sense
of the ludicrous strong in him and
could light up the gloom around him
with a bit of homely philosophy spiced
with humor. In some situations the
remark, Things are not so bad but
they might be worse" becomes humor
by the very audacity Of the thought.
Often the builders of the nation had
nothing in sight worth living for but
trouble, and no doubt they laughed
heartily, even If grimly, over every fall
they took out Of fate.
The Black Hills union and western stock review. [volume] (Rapid City, S.D.) 1904-19??, 1905-11-10
Tho sprlpgs OF American Humor.

Professional joke makers must sure
~ consider their business overdone In
America, and in this view they have
the support Of j. A. Macy, an edito,
Of humor, who writes on the origin
and progress of Jokes in the Atlantic
| Monthly. Mr.. Macy throws some light
upon the sources from which come the
Jokes which appear with suspicious
regularity in the newspapers and peri
odicals Of the day, He says that we
IRE a nation Of humorists, but he also
says that Jokes rise ready made out
Of life" Doubtless the tendency to see
q joke In every situation is unusually
strong In Americans and IL the humol
lis not obvious Imagination puts in q
twist to bring about the desired result,
and so a new joke Is sent on ita
travels.
It is with q joke as 1t Is with a lie.
no vim is lost by passing it around
MI. Macy says that the majority Of
Jokes appearing in print as brand new
are seen by the expert eye to be old
friends in a new setting and not a few
Of them have been or duty since the
hood. About a hundred subjects are
cited MS the basis for nearly oil the
humor which appears in the current
joke columns, and certainly the whole
OF life Is not included in the exhibit.
a few examples taken at random from
the list will serve to show TINT the
.jokesmiths" have a very limited stock
In trade as compared with the multi.
tude Of subjects which have given rise
to 1mperishable humor. Jokes on the
The Black Hills union and western stock review. [volume] (Rapid City, S.D.) 1904-19??, 1905-11-10
go .s~~s-s-s -s-s""e-s-e
Intimate I~nterDiea1s Witt Celebrities.

~aUST now the American people are receiving some painful
lessons in PRACTICAL ethics. They are having brought
home to them with severe emphasis the distinction between
character and reputation. A mans true character, it
abundantly appears, may be quite In conflict with his repu-
tation, WHICH is THE PUBLIC ESTIMATE OF HIM. OF late
we have been watching regulations melt away like snow before the
sun, and the sun:in this case is mere PUBLICITY.
Men who for. years have been trusted implicitly by their fellows
and so placed in posihons of honor and grave responsibility are seento
be mere reckless speculators WITH THE MONEY OF OTHERS
and petty plferers Of the savings of the poor and needy. With all
this shameful story spread before us, it takes some courage to follow
Emersons advice not to bark against the bad, but rather to chant
the beauty of the good.
Put bluntly, the situation which confronts Americans today Is
LACK OF MORAL PRINCIPLE. The greed for gain and the
greed for power have blinded men to the time old distinction between
right and wrong. Both among business men and the bar are found
advisers, counted shrewd and successful, who have substituted the
penal code for the moral law as the standard Of conduct. Right and
legal and illegal, or, better perhaps, between honest, LAW HONEST
and dishonest. Thisnew triumph Of mind over morals is bad enough in
itself, but when, in addition, its opponents secure material. gain and
professional prosperity it becomes A MENACE T OUR INTEG-
RITY as a people.
AGAINST THIS cAsUsTRY OF THE COUNTING HOUSE AND
OF THE LAW OFFICE, AGAINST THIS suBTERFucE AND DECEIT,
REAL CHARACTER WILL STAND LIKE A ROCK.
All universities, in season and out Of season, must keep clearly
invew before themselves and the public the real meaning of CHAR
ACTER, and they must never tire Of preaching that character, and
character alone, makes knowledge, skill and wealth a help RATHER
THAN A HARM to those who possess them and to the community
as a whole. #
The Black Hills union and western stock review. [volume] (Rapid City, S.D.) 1904-19??, 1905-11-10
Work For willing Hands.

The figures Of the United States
census Of 1900 are frequently cited in
support Of the argument that there is
In this country a vast "army Of tho
unemployed" who are idle because they
cannot find work. The census states
that about G,500,OOO persons engaged
in gainful occupations were unem.
ployed. during some portion Of the
year the censu was made. Writing
in the Worlds Work, Mr.. Leroy Scott
draws the conclusion that the census
figures are an overstatement and that
subtractions must be made from the
popular conception Of the number Of
unemployed. He says that those fig.
ures include the leisure class, those too
old to work, those whose employment
cannot occupy the whole year and
workers between ten and twenty
years OF age and adds:
To say that there Is no unemployment
would be an absurd statement, but. never
theless, o statement as near the truth as
some OF the m OF the number Of un-
employed hat have been current. There
Is. a large body OF unemployed. and thelr
problem is most serious. but If from the
total number of the unemployed we SUBJ
tract those h are out OF work from
choice or because unfit for employment
we would find that the remainder, the
ablebodied. eager searchers for work.
would DO but q small fraction OF the pop
ular estimate. and a small fraction of the
estimate of the census department. And
If every munless job could be filled the
number of unemployed might possibly be
reduced to nothing;. at least this is as
safe q guess as some others that are bold
ly made. The problem of the unemployed
has, usually been etated-to find work for
the man. Many whose duties bring them
into constant touch with the unemployed
state tito find men who will work.
Whether the term "army Of the I'm.
employed" represented fact or fiction
In 1900 and the years following up to
the present may be open to dispute,
but reports from the country in general
for 1908 indicate that there have been
fewer idle wageworkers this year
than ut any time in ten years. If the
problem is, as MI. Scott states 1t, ITO
find men who will work." the country
Is in a prosperous way. Work a wait,
and it Is better that it should walt
than that any number Of mankind
should seek leave to toll, and seek in
vain.
The Black Hills union and western stock review. [volume] (Rapid City, S.D.) 1904-19??, 1905-11-10
.pld city, s. D., Friday, Nov. 10 1905
No More the "Jolly" Tar.

NO NxOTC Cuo July 1dEs
Recently Uncle Sans man-o'-wars
men have been treated to shore leave
ut the large ports in punches Of 1000
and upward. The reports Of their out.
ings have been as colorless IN the main
as those of the holidays Of an equal
number Of citizens. The %rollicklng,
reckless, rowing tar, l. to find trou'
BILE whether he looked for 1t or not the
moment he struck the saloon and
dance hall districts, seems to be q fig
ure Of the past.
Before the Spanish war the Amerl,
can navy was recruited from a very
mixed class, with a large percentag,
Of tough and adventurous rovers, who
made up for the monotony Of life
aboard ship by INDUCING in the wild
est folly the moment they got ashore
Now the enlisted men of the navy arc
for the most part native born Amerl
cans and are usually young men O.
some education. The duties on the
modern warship are more %exactinl
than on the old frigate and arou tn
ambition of the common sailors. In
dustry, sobriety and thrift are Mt {
premium, and a man soon finds tina
character is good capital at sea u!
we'll as on land.
The Black Hills union and western stock review. [volume] (Rapid City, S.D.) 1904-19??, 1905-11-10

There are 3oo,ooo,ooO barrels made
in this country every year, yet many
folks find it hard scraping to get
enough to ship their orchard product
to market. The barrels work hard
and carry everything from iron and
pork to sugar and crackers. They be.
gin life on q high plane as packages
for food that goes straight to the lips
and wind up as garbage receptacles
and lastly kindling wood in the city
tenement districts.
The Black Hills union and western stock review. [volume] (Rapid City, S.D.) 1904-19??, 1905-11-10

The career Of the ram Katahdin,
built some years ago as a naval won
der and now declared obsolete, shows
how times have changed In naval war
fare. In the civil war the ram was a
big thing. The torpedo was relied
upon to neutralize such monsters, but
with swift ships and powerful guns
vessels heavy enough to put a warship
out of business by a thrust In her vitals
cannot get near enough to do the trick.
The Black Hills union and western stock review. [volume] (Rapid City, S.D.) 1904-19??, 1905-11-10
Philosophy Is the Great Cure-all

By Unted-state. Senator T. c. PLAT OF New fork
NHlLOSOPHY is the cureal for EVERY evil life has.
When discontinued with any situation, PHILOSOPHER.
Think it over; be judicial with yourself.
You can't have any too close communion with yourself.
at any time. When you are able to talk to yourself freely and to
analyze things YOU ARE A TRUE PHILOSOPHER. Content
ment and happiness will then be yours. I'm philosopher.
The newspapers sting a public man. Some of the thines thew,
print are true; many never should be published. How are YOU going
to face it, since you can't successfully reply2 PHILOSOPHERS.
You hold public office, and your motives are impugned, although
you may have tried to be honest with every interest. Nv advice i
not to talk back, but to philosopher.
Wea are too prone to believe i'll Of any one or of any enterprise s.
q suspicion is set aaoat. That is something WE HAVE G0TaTo;
oofhhol IN our nature as Americans. I don't believe in shielding
NrongsD y tat at the same time too much Islander is now aAoat in regard
to many legitimate enterprises to be good for the whole country
] BELIEVE IN BEING CAREFUL. BEFORE FORM ( ,uncu..-
avg IHA1- 9ooeMENT- - NOT GOING 70. BE FORMED ON GOSSIP.
Let me do your Painting and Paper
hanging this year.
Leave orders at the Sweeney Hdw. Co.
JACK sCHRAEDER..
The Black Hills union and western stock review. [volume] (Rapid City, S.D.) 1904-19??, 1905-11-10

Germany grants her schoolteachers
the privilege of wearing a uniform in
lieu Of a raise Of salary which they
asked. The rage for distinctions and
decorations Is very strong among the
Germans and maybe the teachers will
be- satisfied with the compromise and
even pay for the uniforms out of their
scant salaries.
The Black Hills union and western stock review. [volume] (Rapid City, S.D.) 1904-19??, 1905-11-10
Her Idea.

"What do you think offthe simple
life, my dear"
III It is any more expensive than
the ordinary way of life, Of course it
must be better"
The Black Hills union and western stock review. [volume] (Rapid City, S.D.) 1904-19??, 1905-11-10

Ready For Anything.
=" was fishing for minnows and got
a man eating shark on my hook"
what did you do about itY'
pulled him in, Of course"
DO you expect wy one to believe
that?"
Sure. There is a fellow down the
street who wants to borrow $40 Of me-"
The Black Hills union and western stock review. [volume] (Rapid City, S.D.) 1904-19??, 1905-11-10
Might Be Worse.

"Poer Mrs. Brown! Herthusband, is
such a hard drinkerv",
"Yes, but think of Mrs. Robinson.
Her husband wears corsets, and uses
perfumes!"
The Black Hills union and western stock review. [volume] (Rapid City, S.D.) 1904-19??, 1905-11-10

The dredging Of Father Rhine is
causing the marshes of the upper
reaches Of the river to disappear, and
the agricultural lands Of the region are
gaining enormously in fertility.
The Black Hills union and western stock review. [volume] (Rapid City, S.D.) 1904-19??, 1905-11-10
PERT PARAGRAPHS.

The dead game sports are the people
who can't afford 1t, but do.
Any housekeeper knows that canning
fruit for next winters consumption is
pure speculation.
1t doesn't matter whether a man
knows his own mind or not soalong as
he knows his wife's.
Keep on good terms with yourse!f
you may get given away.
The Black Hills union and western stock review. [volume] (Rapid City, S.D.) 1904-19??, 1905-11-10

Norway and Sweden agree to submit
their future differences to arbitration.
After the two nations have learned
that arbitration, like law procedure, is
uncertain and often exasperating they
will conclude that the better way will
be to have no differences to arbitrate.
The Black Hills union and western stock review. [volume] (Rapid City, S.D.) 1904-19??, 1905-11-10

Depends on the Age.
At sweet sixteen or thereabout
It looks real cute at times to pout,
But when a girl Is thirty-two
The foxy thing for her to do
Is cut it out.
The Black Hills union and western stock review. [volume] (Rapid City, S.D.) 1904-19??, 1905-11-10
Cut From the Herd.

I'd hate to be, I must confess,
Upon a sultry day
A Chinese laundry when the breeze
Was very far away.
Some men might argue to themselves
And swear 1t would be sport,
But I'll own up 1 wouldn't pick
A Job Of Just that sort.
There are some people who might cal
That kind Of business fine.
But l confess I wouldn't want
A bit Of 1t In mine.
I wouldn't. above everything.
Desire to be the wight
Who Just to earn his daily bread
Played tag with dynamite.
Instead of that 1 would prefer
10 lead a quiet life.
30 that l might be, sure at night
TO come home tony wife.
There are some men who might,prefel
AT such q stunt to shine,
But l would always tell the man
mot any, please, in NINE"
Some men of more sheroic mold
Would like to be- the guy
Who holds a rain stick DER the czar
10 keep his highness dry.
Ia rather have my limbs intact
And on each hand a thumb
Than have to &c where I might, meet
A rude. i'll hammered bomb.
A Job like that some men might. say
Would be just in their line.
But I would rather have a task
Not quite SO strong in mine.
The Black Hills union and western stock review. [volume] (Rapid City, S.D.) 1904-19??, 1905-11-10
Satisfied.

Down shady paths.to wander wild
A child
OF nature blithe and fancy free
Suits me
To T.
How about your
Would It do?
The Black Hills union and western stock review. [volume] (Rapid City, S.D.) 1904-19??, 1905-11-10

Now that he is wealthy, he can't
break himself Of the habit Of saving"
Cant he take treatment for it,"
Treatment? What kindE"
"a young wife,"
The Black Hills union and western stock review. [volume] (Rapid City, S.D.) 1904-19??, 1905-11-10

Fleece-lined drawers, best quality, for.
Fleece-lined shirts, a good article, for.
Sanitary shirts and drawers, Austria
garment.
Good, heavy undo, wear, heece-lined, per
Hopkinsville Kentuckian. [volume] (Hopkinsville, Ky.) 1889-1918, 1905-09-12
Why the Horsea Aotsd So.

81 wonder what's the matter with
that horse" said man to his wife
while he was in the act of unhitching
the animal at Thirty-fourth street and
Girard avenue yesterday. The horse
was rearing and plunging and dis
playing signs of terror whenever his
master came near him. A passerby
came TO his aid and while quieting
the animal explained to the owner,
81 noticed" said he, that you just
camo out of the Zoo, over there. A
slight scent of the wild animals has
chung to your clothing, and, although
your horse has probably never seen
anything wilder than COW, his in
stinct tells him that where the scent
Is there is danger. 1t will wear of
soon, and you will have no more trou,
bic. "-Philadelphia Record.
Hopkinsville Kentuckian. [volume] (Hopkinsville, Ky.) 1889-1918, 1905-09-12

DR. William Osler, in one of his
Baltimore lectures. recites a
quaint old cure for the gout-a
cure from seventeenth century
work, that was designed to show
gout's hOpelessness. First pick, +"
said this odd cure, "a handkerchief
from the pocket of a spinster of 80
who never wished to wed; second,
wash the handkerchief in an hon
est miller's pond, third, dry it on
the hedge of a person who was
never cOyetous; fourth, send it to
the shop of physician who never
killed a patient; fifth, mark it with
a lawyers ink who never cheated
a client; and, sixth, apply it, hot,
to the gOut-tOrmented spot. A
speedy cure will follow"
Hopkinsville Kentuckian. [volume] (Hopkinsville, Ky.) 1889-1918, 1905-09-12
Long Farming Records.

Some of the farmers in France
have long pedigrees. The French
Agricultural society had offered
a prize for the farmer of longest
standing in the Seine Inferieure.
This brought to the front an old
farmer named LiOt, who, besides
proving that he was the doyen of
his district, produced documents
showing that the farm had been in
his family for 227 years. In an
other neighboring district farm.
err named Bernage produced a ped
igree of 217 years. Such instances
of long descent are far from un-
common in France.
Hopkinsville Kentuckian. [volume] (Hopkinsville, Ky.) 1889-1918, 1905-09-12
summer Fiction.

There has been a scarcity of sea
serpents this year, but some OF the sub
stitutes for the old stories have all the
nip and bouquet of the best stories of
the coming year. Here is one from
Somer's Point, down in Atlantic cOun-
ty, that tells of a farmer who drilled
for an arteslan we'll, struck subter-
ranean lake of the finest water ever
and so full OF sDeckled trout that he
got about equal quantities Of nsh and
water. Jersey City Journal.
Hopkinsville Kentuckian. [volume] (Hopkinsville, Ky.) 1889-1918, 1905-09-12
pELusIoNs AS no rHE pIEr
How the Public is Drisled Often In
Doing Marketing Report Of
George K. Holmes.

George X. Holmes, chief Of di
vision of foreign markets, bureau
of statistics, of the department OF
agriculture, prepared for the year
book Of the department. treatise
on the peculiarities of consumers
in their systems of marketing and
the delusions they allow them.
selves to be placed under or blum
der into theLselyes. The digest
has been printed in pamphlet form
under the title of Consumers
Fancies.n
The pamphlet points out the
mistake people of small means
make in always selecting the
choice. or most expensive, cuts of
meats, when many of the I'M
sought cheaper parts of the ami
NAL are equally or even more nu-
tritious. 1t quotes a meat trades
journal on recent prices as fol
lows: Porter house steak, 20
cents; prime rib. 10 cents; sirloin,
125 cents; round s cents; rump,
Z cents; neck pieces, about 3 cents
pound, respectively. It com
ments in the following strain:
"Although epicureans admit |
and chemists demonstrate that !
the neck piece is toothsome and |
it bears the lowest |
price. In fact. it would hardly be |
respectable to ask the
butcher for a piece of the neck. |
Perhaps a low order of proficiency |
in the housewives cooking in the |
past gave the neck piece its low |
)lace. The story might have been |
lifferent had the housewife of for
ner times possessed the French |
lousewife's ability to utilize
heats in the making of attractive
md delicious Dishes" The point
# the argument is that cheap cuts
re as good as dear when judi
iously selected and properly
cooked.
The pamphlet also treats of the
Ielusion that exists in the terms
applied to various subsistence
commodities by which their sale is
Influenced. Note the following:
The amOunto of 'Canada' lamb sold
n the United States is enormous.
'he word Canada has the same
magical effect upon lamb prices
hat the word philadelphia has
upon spring poultry or that of
Long Island on fresh eggs. These
actions seem to sell the product,
md the eating public appears to
feel satisfied. By lacking the
word Canada onto his product the
butcher is enabled to get two cents
more per pound for it, or, if he ad-
heres to the normal prices, his Gus
toners think they are getting
something unusual for their mon
~. In certainly five per cent. Of
the cases they are getting plain
domestic lamb, and about 50 times
'ut of 100 are not getting lamb at
all, but mere mutton"
Many other commodities are set
forth under the respective delu-
sive titles with the same unre.
served treatment Of the decep.
tons practiced in regard to them.
Hopkinsville Kentuckian. [volume] (Hopkinsville, Ky.) 1889-1918, 1905-09-12
Neglected Colds.

Every part of the mucous mem
brane, the nose, throat, ear, head
and lungs, etc, are subjected to di-
sease and blightfrom neglected colds.
Billiards. Horehound Syrup is a
pleasant and effective remedy.
w. Akendrick, Valley Mills, Tex.
writes: have used Ballard'd Hore-
hound Syrup for coughs and throat
troubles; it is a pleasant and most
effective remedy" Sold by Cook &
Higgins.
Hopkinsville Kentuckian. [volume] (Hopkinsville, Ky.) 1889-1918, 1905-09-12
ChamberIain's Pain Balm.

This is a liniment, remarkable for
it's great power over pain. 1t quickly
allays the excruciating pains of rheu.
matism and makes sleep and rest
possible. For sale by L. l.. Elgin and
Anderson & Fowler, the up to date
druggists at Hopkinsville.
Hopkinsville Kentuckian. [volume] (Hopkinsville, Ky.) 1889-1918, 1905-09-12

AS a dressing for old sores. bruises
ard burns Chamberlain's Salve is all
that can be desired It is soothing
and healing in its effect. 1t allays the
pain of burn almost instantly. This
salye is also a certain cure for chap
ped hands and diseases of the skin.
Price 26 cents. For sale by l.. l.. Ell
gin and Anderson Il Fowler. the up
to date druggists ut Hopxinsville.