Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1905-07-20

sian at a restaurant, who told dad
that he reminded him of Gen. Grant,
because dad had a wart on the side of
his nose, and he told dad that Russia
would keep on fighting until every
Japanese was killed unless some dis
tinguished American should be raised
up who deemed it his duty to go to
st. Petersburg and see the Little
Father, and in the interest Of human
ity advise the czar to call a halt be-
fore he had exterminated the whole
yellow race. Dad asked the Russian
II he thought the ear would grant
an audience TO an American of en-
lnence in his own country, and the
Russian told dad that Nicholas Just
dotted on Americans, and that there
was hardly ever an American ballet
dancer that went to Russia but what
the ear sent for her to come and see
hin and dance before the grand dukes,
and he always gave them jewels and
cans of caviar as souvenirs of their
visit.
Dad thought it over all night, and
the next morning We started for Rus
STA n | wish we had joined an ex-
petition to discover the North Pole in
stead Of coming here. Say. it is harder
to get into Russia than it would be
to get out of a ~penitentiary at home.
At the frontier we were met by guards
on horseback and or foot. policemen,
detectives and other grafters, who took
our passports and money. and one fell
low made me exchange my socks with
him: Then they imprisoned us in a
stable with some COWS until they could
hold a c%oroner's inquest ON our pass
ports and divide our money. We
slept with the cows the first night in
Russia, and | do not want to sleep
again with animals that chew cuds all
night, and get up half a dozen times to
hump up their backs and stretch and
below. We never slept a wink. and
could look out through the cracks in
the stable and see the guards shaking
dice for our money.
Finally they looked at the great seal
on our passports and saw it was an
American document, and they began to
turn pale. as pale as a Russian can
get without using soap, and when |
said, Washington. ambassador, min
lister plenipotentiary, Roosevelt, Hot
Time in the Old Town Tonight, E
Pluribus Unum, whoopla. San Juan
HILL" and pointed to dad, who was
just coming out OF the stable, looking
like Washington at Valley Forge. the
guards and other robbers bowed TO
dad, gave him a bag full Of Russian
money in place Of that which they bad
taken away, and let us take a freight
train for st. Petersburg, and they
must have told the train men who we
were, because everybody on the cars
took off their hats to us. and divided
their lunch with us. 4
Dad could not understand the
change in the attitude of the people
towards us until | told him that they
took him for a distinguished Amer
lean statesman, and that as long as
we were in Russia he must try to
look like George Washington and act
like Theodore Roosevelt, so every lit
tie while dad would stand up in the
aisle of the car and pose like George
Washington and when anybody gave
him a sandwich or a cigarette he
should show mis- teeth and say, Dee
lighted" and all the way to st. Peters
burg dad carried out his part Of the
programme and we we're not robbed
once on the trip but dad tried to
smoke one of the cigarettes that was
given him by a Cossack, and he died
in my arms, pretty near.
They make cigarettes out OF hailed
hay that has been used for beddings
and covered with paper that has been
used to poison flies. never smelled
anything SO bad since they funigated
our house by the board of health after
the hired girl had smallpox.
Well, we got to St. Petersburg IN