Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1905-12-24
CHRISTMAS M|SHAPS
The Large Person Tells a
Tale Of Woe.
INNOCENT AS A BABE
BUT HES WIFE COULDN'T SEE 1T
THAT WAY.
The Lady With the Butter-scotch Hair
His Finish Came Under
the Mistletoe

Last night when the streets and the shops
were thronged and the Christmas spirit in
the afr was so thick 1t could be cut with a
knife, large. imposing looking person,
with double chin and an armfui of pack
ages. boarded north-bound Mount Pleas
ant car at 10Th and streets.
There" said the large person. slamming
about dozen bundles OF assorted sizes
down on the seat beside him. you stay
right there. and IL any dub who thinks he,
wants to sit down so much as opens his
yawp on me I'll knock his block off, Then
the large person squared his shoulders,
snorted a couple OF times and scowled of
into the distance.
What's the trouble?' inquired the meek
citizen In the next seat, after the car had
bumped along for block or so.
Trouble" rumbled the large person. turn
Ing IN his seat and breathing vaporized al
cdhol in the direction of the meek citizen:
trouble doesn't express it. I've been uII
against seventeen kinds Of hard luck even
since this Christmas thing doomed up in
the near distance. I've been turned over,
shaken down, belted in the jaw and swatted
on the attic. and before the joyous Yuletide
hits the toboggan I'll bet a dollar and a
half to q string OF pink popcorn that my
wife will be calling me names in the divorce
court and that won't have any more char
acter than chorus girl with thirty-four
diamonds.
Dreadful" murmured the meek citizen
! sympathetically.
Worse Than That.
Worse than that!' reared the large per-
son. giarlng wildly around. "A whole lot.
worse than that. I'm as innocent as a
babe and then some. but according to the
cards sI'm a homewrecker from Newport.
This string of circumstances that have got
me tripped started In about week ago.
I'd been shopping until / was black In the
face and was just about to take car for
home. when / suddenly remembered that
I'd forgotten a couple of dinky little things
that my wife wanted to use in her Christ
mas kinkeries. So / hiked for the place
where they sell 'em and drove into the
crowd, but I couldn't make It, Every time
I'd try rush through center I'd shed
couple of dozen packages, and when 1
feet on me. Finally l got 'em all together
again and fought my way to the door,
where stood on one leg gasping for breath.
II, 4 says to myself when got my wind
back could only shed this long package
that looks as If was Juggling home cable
car, and this bulky parcel which from Its
shape might contain coal hod and an
ironing board, could break in there and
get the frillerfes without any trouble. But
I'm carrying too much weight to make the
run"
Il said So remarked the large person
belligerently. '.and I meant 1t. And I'd
hardly closed my teeth on the last word
when a woman who was standing near
me steps up and says as nice as yo,I
please: I'm waiting for some friends here
and / wouldn't mind keeping your things
for you. In fact, it would be pleasure
That Butter-Scotch Hair.
.'Well. sir. you could have laid me out.
looked the dame over and she was there
with the goods. She had hair the color OF
ripe butter scotch. and every time she threw
her lamps on me had that funny sensa-
ton that you get when the elevator tries
to drop from under But being respects
able married man who hasn't worked IN,
the cat patch for a whole long times I
shed the cable car, the coal hods and from
ing board. tipped my lid, took a couple of
more drops In the elevator and scooted
FOR the shop door. This time made the
rifle, but there wasn't anybody inside
struggling TO wait on me and It must have
been half an hour later when / ran the
with the lamps and the kind disposition
And. of course. she'd skipped with the
packages" remarked the meek citizen. with
g chuckle, knew just how It would be.
I had an exper'
shut up. you, said the large person
sayageiy, and wait until finish this solo,.
As was saying, looked around for the
dame with the lamps. but she wasn't In
slight, Ny wife was though, and the cable
car, the coal hod and the ironing board
er packages TO that effect, were In her pos
but interrupted the meek cttizen. Z
don't see-s, s
WIfs WAS Pssvish.
Don't your replied tbe large PERSON.