The news & observer., 1905-11-19

ing down his paper, that more busi-
ness men don't go into pollytics.
II thought they did, said Mr.. Hen
messy.
NO, SIR" said Mr. Dooiey, we don't
r-read the paa-perS. livery year, whin
tn public conscience is aroused as it
niver was befure, me frinds on tn
palajeems iv our liberties an records
Nv our crimes calls FIR business men
to swab out our governmint with
business methods We must turn it
over to pathrites who have made their
pile in mercantile pursoots iv money
wheriver they cud find it. We must
injooce tn active, conscientious young
usurers firm Wall Sthreet to take an
inthrest in public affairs. TIL pool
rooms is open. TO thin guided
haunts iv wee tn poor worrukinman
carries his weekly wage an thries to
increase it enough SO that he can give
it to his wife without blushing. Down
says you. Be ilictin' a business man
mayor, says l. But who'll we get?
says you. Who betther, says 1, thin
tn prisidint iv tn Westhren Union
Tillygraft Comp'ny, who knows where
tn poolrooms ar-re. The wather de-
partmint is badly r-run. Ilict tn
prisidint iv' tn gas comp'ny. TIL
onforchnit Sthreet railroads have, had
thimsilves clutched be tn throat be a
corrupt city council an FORCED to
buy twinty millyon dollars worth iv
sthreets FIR sixty-four wan hundherd
dollar bills. Oh. FIR a Moses to lead
us out of tn wilderness an clane tn
Augeenyan stables an steer us be-
tween Silly an What's 's-name an
hoist tn snow-white banner iv' civic
purity an break tn feathers that
bind free people an seize tn
hellum iv State firm tn pi-ratical crew
an restore tn heritage iv our fathers
an cleanse tn stain firm tn fair fame
iv our gr'reat city an cure tn evils iv
IN body pollytick an cry havic an let
loose tn dogs iv war an captain tn
upriSin' iv honest manhood again tn
cohorts iv corruption an shake off tn
collar riveted on our necks be tyran-
nical bosses an prim'ry rayform?
Where is Moses? Where is this all
around Moses, soldier, sailor, black
smith, doctor. stable-boy, polisman,
an dsinfectant? Where else wud such
a vallyble Moses be thin in tn bank
that owns tn sthreet railroads? If
Moses can't serve. We'll r-run his law
yer, tn gr-reat pollytickal purist. tn
Hon'rable Ephraim Duck. author iv
Duck on Holes in tn Law, Duck on
Flaws in tn Constitution. Duck on
Aid to tn SUSPECTED Ducks Ilimin-
thry Lessons in Almost Crime 'Th'
Supreme Coort Made Easy. or Ivry
Man His Own Allybi.' an SO on.
Where is Judge Duck He's down at
Springfield doin' a little legislative law
business FIR tn gas company. Whin he
comes up he'll be glad to lead tn
gr-reat annyooal battle FIR civic purity.
Hurrah FIR Duck an Freedom. Duck
DIR,
tn Rights iv Property, Duck an Fear
less Compromise.
The Friendship of the Great.
''Befure our most illusthrees life in
surance solicitor rose in tn wurruld.
when he was merely prsidint iv tn
unIo4d states. tn ony way we cud dig
a job out iv him fr good dimmycrat
was to form tn Sixth Ward Chamber
iv Commerce an indorse tn candy
date. Whin Cohen first wint to Wash
ington 10 have Schmitt appointed
Counsul at Chefoo. tn chief ixicutive,
as Hogan says, nearly Drained him
with a paper-weight marked j. p M.
But whin he wint down as prisidint iV
tn Ar-rchey Road Chamber iv Com
merce, the gr-reat man fell on his
neck an near broke it. TIL frindshlp
iv tn gr-reat HinnisSy, is worse than
their inmity Their hathred some
times misses fire. but their friendship
always lands in an unguarded an vital
spot This here Chamber iv Commerce
r-run tn patronage iv tn district t'r
a year. 1t used to meet in me back
room till tn merchant princes got too
noisy over dice game an | put thin
into tn sthreet.
"Yis. Hinnissy. me ideel iv a gr-reat
statesman is grocer with elastic
bands on his shirt sleeves, ladlin' pub
lie policies out iv BARI with a
wooden SCOOP. How much better wud
Wash 'nton an Lincoln have been If
they'd known enough to inthraJooce
business methods in pollytics. George
was good man, but he niver thought
iv Settlin' tn trouble be compromisin'
on a job as colonyal governor He
raised tn divvle with property, so
much so. be Hivins that no gr-reat
financier to this day can tell what be-
longs to him an what belongs to some
wan else An there's Lincoln. What
a little business thrainin' wud've done
FIR him. Look at tn room he brought
on property be his carelessness. Mill
vons iv thin become worthless except
as fuel FIR bonfires in tn Sunny South
land.
The Difference Between Clerks and
Statesmen.
way | do. There's Jawn Cassidy. Ye
know him. He's pollyticlan or
CRATER TIL same thing. His graft is
to walk downtown to tn City Hall at
eight o'clock ivry mornin' an set on
"A high stool ontil five in tn afternoon
addin' up figures. Ivry week twinty
dollars iv tn taxpayers money, twinty
dollars wrung firm you an me, Hin
Missy, is handed to this boodler. He
used to wet twinty-five in clothin
store, but he is a romantic young fell
low an he thought 'twud be fine
thing to be statesman. Tn din +
ence between a clothin clerk en a
statesman clerk is that tn statesman
clerk gets less money, an has tn priv
ilege iv wurrukin' out iv office hours
Well. Cassidy come in wan night with
his thumb stained firm his unholy call
in. Well says |. 'ye grafters ar-re
goin' to be hurled out | says. l sup
pose So says he. Well have bus
mess administration, says |. We'll.
says he, 4 wondher what kind iv bus
mess will it be- he saws viii it be
tn insurance business? L tell We II
they iver intrajooce life insurance
methods in our little Doodle office
therenl be a rivolution in this here