Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1905-07-22

AA4t
AND GAVE HER THE END TO HOLD.
this thriHin' juncture, while I remark
that my Alleviator has now been be-
fore the discriminatin' public for the
last thirteen years. and doorin' all that
time II has never once failed to do
what was expected Of It. 1t soothes
the weary, Gains the nervous, brings
new hopes to the hopeless, and any
sort O. pain, from headache to
broken bones, Is alleyiated almost in
stantly.
No other remedy ever compounded
kin take its place. 1 have seen a
grievin' wilder woman grievin' away
as If her heart would break, and
sayin' that she might as well commit
suicide, take one dose Of my Alleviator
and then begin to laugh and sing coon
songs If i should set out to tell the
half Of what this wonderful compound
has done 1t would require ten times
the space Of this paper.
have heard people say a thousand
times over that it was well wuth a
dollar bottle, but my price is invari-
ably % cents. Where a grievin' wild
der woman and her nine fatherless
children appear before me In q body
and want ten bottles all to once, 1
make discount Of topper cent. In
cases where I find ministers of the Cos
pei preachin' on Sundays and diggin'
post holes for 10 cents q hole doorin'
the week also make slight dis.
count, but to all others the price Is az
stated. No pills go with the Allevi-
ator. 1t stands out by itself, like
wart on politicians nose. Havin'
made SIGH explanashun as 1 deemed to
be due the public 1 will now return to
my perilous situashun in the Red
Hoss tavern.
No sooner had the stalwart and in
dignant citizens before mentioned bust
ed open my door than l gently inquir-
ed what was wrong. In reply they or
dered me to git out of bed and foller
them. On the same public square
where had achieved victory two hours
before was now a crowd howlin' for
my life, while tar and feathers had
been collected for my benefit. / soon
discovered the cause Of the commO-
shun. A cross eyed citizen who had
bought bottle of my Alleviator for
the earache had driven the pain down
into his stomach. In order to drive it
back again he had absorbed a gallon
Of sour buttermilk and was then lynn
on the ground with the pangs of de-
spair gnawin' at his vitals. He had
claimed that my Alleviator had pr
Zened him, and the liberal hearted
crowd had taken his word for it and
set out to mob me.
My presence of mind did not desert
me. Even with the tar warmth up to
the right pint, and woman standin'
by with two pillars off her parlor bed
1 held up my hand and made an adj
dress to the crowd. l contended with
SIGH sincerity that the sufferin' critter
had been mixin' sunthin' else with my
remedy that he finally broke down
and confessed the truth. l then or
dered him rolled on a bar'l, stood on
his head and given a few kicks, and
when he had come to the right frame
of mind l administered q dose with
my own hand, and in five minits he
was smilin' like a babe.
Public opinion changed at once.
was hailed as a public benefactOr and
hero, and upon reopenin' business 7
made sale of thirty-four more bottles
and was serenaded by a string band.
When l left the town the next mornin'
the mayor hlsself took off his hat to
me and gave me an official invitashun
to call agin. l cite this case to show
that good man, backed by a good
pain alleviator, kin allus depend on
Providence to bring him through all
difficulties.
1 had driven about five miles next
forenoon when l beheld half a dozen
citizens approachin' me on hossback.
At first I took them to be citizens Of
the town Of Last Call, who had heard
of the wonderful soothin' effects of
my Alleviator and had raced out to be