davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Los Angeles herald., 1905-09-18
Then the Pipe Went Out

The terrible news comes from I'll
western part of the Cherokee natio
that boy climbed a cornstalk to 81
how the corn was getting along. al
now the stalk is growing UP fast
than the boy can climb down. I'll
boy is clear out of sight. Three mi
have undertaken to cut the stalk doV
with axes and save the boy from sta
walton, but it grows so fast that thy
can't hack twice in the same plaI.
The boy is living on nothing but rH
corn, and already has thrown DON
over four bushels of cobs.-Checot$l,
I. T., Times.
One Count Cassini is now due to pick
up that "bitter end" to which he was
going to have the czar fight and put it
away in pickle.
Back East
Back east the ice mans season nears
The soda fountains draped in gloom,
and still;
The peekaboo is draggled and passe
And summers heat gives way to win
ter's chill.
Now breaks the yawp Of coal men on
the ear,
And fuel must be hustled to the bin;
Prices so up and pater mourns the day
That fires and furnaces will usher in
IT'S far from there to Californias
shores,
Where sunshine fingers all the yG.
But then
Hanker YOU for the blizzards snow al
Would you delight to live back eat
again?
The balmy breezes kiss your cheek b
day,
The cool of night succeeds, and al
the year
No frostbite and no sunstroke. All ii
fine.
Would I go east again? Not much!
Not here!
Los Angeles herald., 1905-09-18

Nan Patterson has just done the sensible thing
in her entire notorious career-obliterated her
from history by rewedding her ex-husband Now let
her obliterae her notorious self the meght and
wearied world will sigh in glad relief.
Los Angeles herald., 1905-09-18

The mikado sends Komura sympathetic telegram
ordering him to get we'll and Immediately Komura i'm
Could it have been administration of Spirits
of illustrious ancestors" all that was needfu?
Los Angeles herald., 1905-09-18

The Japanese continue to adapt themselves rapidly
to the ways of western civilization The information
has just been made public that three naval
have embezzed $165, 900 of the government funds
Los Angeles herald., 1905-09-18

South Pasadena is the first member of the city and
county consolidation class to hold up its hand ask
to be counted in the affirmative.
Los Angeles herald., 1905-09-18

Because the good ship Kearsarge ran down an oil
barge it's sign the United States making war on
the oil trust. fog was to blame.
Los Angeles herald., 1905-09-18

The Evening Way Freight is advertising for Timer
icks" Trying to curry favor with the rish probably
Los Angeles herald., 1905-09-18

Some New York Wall streeters out fishing last week
hooked fve-foot shark 1t Immediately turned
loose, with apologies
Los Angeles herald., 1905-09-18

The only kind of lock constructed on the Panam
canal SO far is deadlock Plenty of them, though
Los Angeles herald., 1905-09-18

Several European cities naming thoroughfares
for our strenuous president. Soon his name will be
household word"
Los Angeles herald., 1905-09-18

Unionist freight handlers in Chicago voted not tt
strike Chicago sees the millennium just ahead
Los Angeles herald., 1905-09-18

What small peanuts the Equitable push look like
in the light of New York Life and Mutual revelations
Los Angeles herald., 1905-09-18

AS there is only Mr. Cleveland, who's going to si
on the lids of those other insurance companies?
Los Angeles herald., 1905-09-18

But why should the Los Angeles exposition ship be
named Spokane? Let's have change of name, at
least.
Los Angeles herald., 1905-09-18

Though admitting that he wig, John D. is
particular to say that Ida T. didn't Snatch him bald
headed"
Los Angeles herald., 1905-09-18

Americans spent $1s,5O5,O27 in fares Europe this
summer. Who got across for that $27?
Los Angeles herald., 1905-09-18
Population of Los Angeles POI .249

Bottled water may be full of taint, but how about
bottled firewater?
Los Angeles herald., 1905-09-18
Small BEGINNING

was then president of the board of
diraofora
Los Angeles herald., 1905-09-18

When Norway and Sweden get tir
divorce which'll pay alimony?
Los Angeles herald., 1905-09-18

An Alabama man whipped Is
and was fined 1c. Tbs
the irreducible minimum" you've bn
hearing about.
Los Angeles herald., 1905-09-18

Rockefeller is caught in anotheIt-
tempt to trick and beguile the comm
peepul. He's wearing wig.
Los Angeles herald., 1905-09-18

Now let the dove o. peace nestt
Iowa and settle the Cummins-Sht
war
Barbour County index. [volume] (Medicine Lodge, Kan.) 1880-current, 1905-05-31

half dozen gave more time and thought
to the country's interests than did Mr..
Platt- His deep study of every question
and his sound, common-senSe judgment
made him the most trusted of all the
leaders.
There were many men more brilliant
in the senate, but none more honest or
able. Mr.. Platt had no vanity, and he
never tried to learn the tricks of an ora
tor. He was somewhat ungainly in ap-
pearance, and when he arose to address
the senate he seemed to get out of his
seat in sections. He was very tall, and
as he came up out of his chair slowly he
seemed to unlimber section at time.
He had somewhat querulous voice and
spoke in jerky fashion. His gestures
were strained and awkward, but he was
never at loss to find the proper lam
guage in which to express his ideas, and
they were always listened to with the
closest attention.
Mr.. Platt was very fond of out door
life, and not long before his death he re-
marked that in the previous % years he
had probably lived five years out of
doors. He had lodge in the Adiron-
dacks, being first attracted to those de-
lightful surroundings by the talks and
writings of the late Rev. w. H. H. hurry,
who was for some years pastor of Con.
gregational church in Connecticut, OF
which SenatorPlatt was deacon.
Barbour County index. [volume] (Medicine Lodge, Kan.) 1880-current, 1905-05-31
HIS INGENIOUS REVENGE.
Grocer Used His Advertising Space on
Picnic Programme to Roast
the Projectors.

Everybody knows how the average bust
hess man is worked by the managers
OF picnics,s excursions, festivals and the
like, gotten up for the purpose of starting
or increasing some fund of a semi
charitable nature, says the Rochester IN.
" Herald. By inserting his business
card IN the programme invariably printed
on such occasions, he is expected, at least,
to assist in defraying the expense of the
necessary advertising. He is appealed to
on the ground that all his competitors will
De represented in the programme, and he
cannot afford to be left out.
"A certain Mr.. Skies, Il suburban gro
Ger, was asked 20 have his card inserted
in the programme of a picnic to be given
by a local secret society at a popular
resort 40 or so miles away
how much will it cost me-" he in
CURED
Only two dollars" replied the advertis-
ing manager
H'mph-only two dollars! How much
space do get for that?'
One inch"
"H'mph-the whole of an inch! I can
put any kind of an ad. l want in that
space, l supposed"
Certainly"
The, grocer took scrap of paper, wrote
manager, and in due time the programme
appeared with this card in it:
Beverly Skies, Grocer, No 537 Spark
land ST. pays 81 for the use of this
space. He thinks it is an outrageous price,
lnasmuch as all the groceries for this pic
nc were bought at some other store"
Mr.. Skies has always maintained that
he got two dollars worth of satisfaction
out OF this advertisement. if nothing else.
Barbour County index. [volume] (Medicine Lodge, Kan.) 1880-current, 1905-05-31

and ten. To-day there are just nine SEN
ators who are over 70 years of age, over
one-third of last years number having
crossed the Great Divide. Those who
have passed away in the last II months
are Senators Quay, Hoar, Bate, Hawley
and Platt.
This mortality among the older states
men inspires the question of Who will
be the next?" There are now serving in
the senate at more than three score and
ten years of age Senators Morgan and
Petus of Alabama, Teller OF Colorado,
Cullom of Illinois, Allison of Iowa, Frye
of Maine, Platt and Depew of New York.
and Proctor of Vermont. The weight OF
Increasing years is plainly visible on
some of these noted statesmen. Senator
Morgan of Alabama has aged very per-
ceptibly in the last year. He has lost
flesh and, although still able to make
prolonged speech, his voice has lost much
of its fullness, and after an hour or two
on the floor he is compelled to seek the
Indulgence of the senate while he sits
down and rests in the course of his
speech.
Senator Frye of Maine, president pro
tenn of the senate, is another who is
showing the burden of years. Mr.. Frye
has had frequent weak spells in the last
year or two and is not nearly so vigorous
as some of his older colleagues A long
rest this summer most of which he will
spend at his lodge on the range of lakes
in Maine, may restore much of his vital
ity, but his friends have been watching
him with anxious eyes. Senator Plat of
New York is probably the feeblest man
in the senate, but as he has been in that
condition for some years the chances are
he may outlive many of the more robust
senators. Teller of Colorado is becom-
ing bent and stopped with his Is years,
and even the Woodworking Allison is be.
ginning to desire little more rest.
Barbour County index. [volume] (Medicine Lodge, Kan.) 1880-current, 1905-05-31

sorts of information. He does not al
ways confine himself to the exact sub
ject under consideration, but wanders
a good deal into general fields of politi-
cal economy. Mr.. Newlands is a very
strong advocate of granting charters by
the national government to corporations
doing an Interstate business. In his
cross examination of railroad mon be-
fore the committee he is sure to lead up
to his hobby.
There has been a disposition on the
part OF Senator Elkins. chairman of the
committee. to restrict cross-eXamina-
ton to the main subject under consider
alton, that of the government fixing
railway freight rates He has not. how
ever, checked Mr.. Newlands in the lat
ter's inquiries, and the reason given is
because the Nevada senator is "such a
good fellow" Mr. Newlands is entitled
to being termed good fellow. as he is
one of the most royal hosts in Washing
ton. He lives in century old mansion
on the heights overlooking the north
west section of Washington, and the
broad lawns and rambling rooms of this
old home are ideal for the exhibition of
whole-souled hospitality The senator
delights in entertaining here numbers of
his colleagues, and no pleasanter eve
ming can be spent than at his almost
baronial dining table. The interstate
commerce committee has had this pleas
ure more than once. and it is easily ap-
parent why Mr.. Newlands is given free
rein in his line of questioning at the
committee rooms.
Mr. Newlands has invested may mil
lions OF money in the development of
Washington, and especially its SUBJ
urbs. Through his wife much of the
Sharon estate came to him, and he has in
vested 1t about the capital city where re-
turns are reasonably certain.
Barbour County index. [volume] (Medicine Lodge, Kan.) 1880-current, 1905-05-31

what surprised to learn from a recent
statement of the secretary that they will
only be furnished with transportation.
They will have to pay for their meals
and Pullman fare to San Francisco; for.
across the Pacific and for their subSist-
ence while in the Philippines. The Sec
rotary calculates that this means an out
lay of about $500 per man.
AS this trip was proposed for the pur-
pose of enlightening the prominent
statesmen on many questions affecting
the Philippines and the general govern
ment, and the results of the expedition
are to be shown in general legislation.
number of the congressman cannot un-
derstand why they are called upon to
give up good money of their own for the
benefit of the Philippine government
Secretary Taft believes that every cent
expended on this trip will be well invest
ed, and also that all the expenses of the
party should be betrayed either by the
Philippine government or out of the
United States government He is re-
stricted, however, in the extension of the
hospitality of the Philippine govern
ment, as some very finnicky auditors of
the treasury department might question
the accounts. with bills to come in for
feeding and otherwise entertaining the
statesmen.
1t now looks as though the. party
would be much smaller than at first an
ticipated. 1t is very doubtful if Speaker
Cannon will be a member of it. although
the declaration of Secretary Taft that
the trip cannot in any way be regarded
as junket, removes very serious OBJ
lection that Uncle joe had to it.
Barbour County index. [volume] (Medicine Lodge, Kan.) 1880-current, 1905-05-31
BY MIR. S. B. HEGE.
b. q o. r.. n. Passenger Agent, Wash.
ingtOn, ID. c., Tells OF Wonderful
Cure Of Eczema by Cuticura.


Mr.. S. B. Hege, passenger agent of the
Baltimore & Ohio Railroad in Washing
ton, d. c., one of the well-known rail-
road men Of the country, sends the fol-
lowing grateful letter in praise of the
Cuticura Remedies:
Thanks to the Cuticura Remedies,
I am now rid of that fearful pest, weep.
ing eczema, for the first time in three
years. 1t first appeared on the back of
my hand in the form of little pimple,
growing into several blotches, and then
on my ears and ankles. They were ex-
ceedingly painful because of the itching
and burning sensation, and always raw.
After the first days treatment with
Cuticura Soap, Ointment and Pills, there
was very little of the burning and itch
ing, and the cure now seems to be COM
plete. / shall be glad to aid in relieving
others suffering as l was, and you may
use my letter as you wish. lSigned) S.
B. Hege, Washington. D. c.. June 9, '04."
Barbour County index. [volume] (Medicine Lodge, Kan.) 1880-current, 1905-05-31
Back at Work AGAIN.

Buffalo, N. Y, May 22nd.-(SpeciaD-
Crippled by Kidney Disease till he could
not stand on his feet for the hours re-
CURED at his trade, F. R. Mclean, 80
East Ferry St., this city, had to quit
work entirely. Now he's back at work
again and he does not hesitate to give
the credit to Dodd's Kidney Pills.
Yes" Mr.. Mclean says, az was too
bad, l had to quit. l could not stand on
my feet for the necessary hours. 1t was
vised me to try Dodd's Kidney Pills.
did 80 and after using six boxes am COM
pletely cured and am working as steadily
as before l was sick. recommend Dodd's
Pills to. anyone afflicted with Kidney
trouble"
There is no form of Kidney Disease
Dodd's Kidney Pills will not cure. They
always cure Bright's Disease, the most
advanced and deadly stage of Kidney
Disease.
Barbour County index. [volume] (Medicine Lodge, Kan.) 1880-current, 1905-05-31
Some of the Older Mem

HE death of Sena-
tor Platt emphas-
ICES the rapidity
with which old
and famous men
are being taken out
of the United States
senate. One year
ago there were IA
men of national
reputation on the
rolls of the senate
who were above the
scriptural limit of
three score years
Barbour County index. [volume] (Medicine Lodge, Kan.) 1880-current, 1905-05-31
The Late Senator Plat.

y MAN Will be more
missed from the
United States SEN
ate than orville H.
Platt," was the re-
mark of Senator
Spooner of Wis
consin when the
news came of the
Connecticut sena-
tors death. Mr..
Platt was one of a
half dozen repub-
lican senators who
virtually controlled
all important legis-
Barbour County index. [volume] (Medicine Lodge, Kan.) 1880-current, 1905-05-31
Senator Newlands.

Y THE hearings
now in progress be-
fore the interstate
commerce commit
tee of the senate a
pretty wide range
of questions is per-
mitted. This free
dom is taken ad-
vantage of by Sen
atOr NewlandS OF
Nevada, who is
very fond OF poking
questions at high
railway off C i a | S
and securing all
Barbour County index. [volume] (Medicine Lodge, Kan.) 1880-current, 1905-05-31
Well-Known Statesmen Masons.

member of Matinecock lodge at Oyster
Bay. He has been elected to receive sew
eral high degrees in masonry, but the
pressure of public business has prevent
ed his taking them. He will probably
wait until he retires from the presidency
before going through these limitations
Vice President Fairbanks also became
Mason after his election to the vice
presidency. but it is his intention to take
as many degrees as possible in the near
future, so that when 1903 comes around
he will be a full-fledged Mason of the
several degrees, including the Knights
Templar and the Scottish rite degrees up
to the thirty-second. Mr.. Fairbanks en-
tered lodge in Indianapolis during the
Christmas holidays last winter, a special
dispensation having been granted in
order that he might take three degrees
In one day. During the present year he
expects to take the remaining degrees of
the York rite.
The best known of Masons among
presidents of later years were Garfield.
Harrison and Mckinley. Garfield and
Mckinley were knights Templar, and
usually attended the conclaves of that
order. Andrew Jackson was at one time
grand master of the grand lodge of Ten
nessee. John Quincy Adams was one
president who was conspicuously OPP
posed to Masonry He was elected dur
ing the days of the anti-masonry excite
ment and talked and wrote against the
order with considerable vigor A poll OF
the house made few years ago showed
that 81 per cent of the members were
Masons. and similar poll of the senate
showed that 80 per cent. of the latter
body belonged to that order.
Barbour County index. [volume] (Medicine Lodge, Kan.) 1880-current, 1905-05-31

'Deah me, Chawley, heah's a scien-
tific French fellow who says that the
future man, don't you know, is going
to be legless as we'll as brainless.
Good gwacious! and I've just gone
and invested in silvah plated troW-
sers stretchaw!"
Barbour County index. [volume] (Medicine Lodge, Kan.) 1880-current, 1905-05-31
Just What She Would DO.

She-What would you. do. George, If
you were left widower.
He-Oh, l suppose pretty much the
same as you would do if you were left q
widow
''Oh, you wretch! And you always told
me You could never love anybody else
Pick Me-Up.
Barbour County index. [volume] (Medicine Lodge, Kan.) 1880-current, 1905-05-31

See that man? Well, sir, he landed
in this country with bare feet and now
he's got millions" Gee whiz! he must
be a regular centipede."
Barbour County index. [volume] (Medicine Lodge, Kan.) 1880-current, 1905-05-31
Undisturbed.

do you feel at all worried over the
yellow peril?'
mot now" replied the man who has
hay fever. Il don't borrow trouble. The
goldenrod won't begin to blossom for
two or three months. Chicago Record
Herald
Barbour County index. [volume] (Medicine Lodge, Kan.) 1880-current, 1905-05-31

Mamma-"For my part, 1 can't un.
derstand how you got your fet wet"
Johnny-"No wonder pa says women
have weak intellects. Why, I should
think anybody might guess in a min
ute that l wet my feet wading in the
gutter"
Barbour County index. [volume] (Medicine Lodge, Kan.) 1880-current, 1905-05-31

Twins have come to the home of q
schoolmaster with seven living chill
dren, Hans (when he sees his two
new brothers for the first time)-
Nov, we won't have any next year
will we, papa?"
Barbour County index. [volume] (Medicine Lodge, Kan.) 1880-current, 1905-05-31

Strayner-My heart goes out in
stinctively to the cry of distress.
Budge-Well, that's the cheapest thing
you can let go out; that's some con-
ISOLATION.
Barbour County index. [volume] (Medicine Lodge, Kan.) 1880-current, 1905-05-31

Difident Customer-Beg pardon, sir,
but are you the proprietor of this
store? Masterful Man-No. sir; I am
not the proprietor; I'm fioorwalker.
Difident Customer hope you'll par
don me; l assure you, meant no
offense.
Barbour County index. [volume] (Medicine Lodge, Kan.) 1880-current, 1905-05-31
Sort O. Pie-CrustyP

First Actress-What makes the
comedian so crusty this morning?
Second Actress-Oh, 1 suppose it's
that dinnerbusiness in last nights
performance. You know he has to
eat whole pie.-Judge.
Barbour County index. [volume] (Medicine Lodge, Kan.) 1880-current, 1905-05-31

Wigg--Bighedde always has his
clothes made too large for him. Wage
Yes, but he gets so stuck on them
that he swells up with pride until they
at.
Barbour County index. [volume] (Medicine Lodge, Kan.) 1880-current, 1905-05-31

Bessie, how many sisters has your
new playmate?" "She has one,
mamma. She tried to fool me by say
ing she had two half-sisters; but
guess she didn't know that l studied
fractions"
Barbour County index. [volume] (Medicine Lodge, Kan.) 1880-current, 1905-05-31

Il wonder" unused Tommy, why
the fairy tales always end and they
lived happily ever after?'" Because,
simpleton," said his little sister, know
ingly, how else could you tell it was
a fairy tale?"
Barbour County index. [volume] (Medicine Lodge, Kan.) 1880-current, 1905-05-31

Lewis "Single Binder" straight SC cigar
made of extra quality tobacco. You pay
l0c for cigars not SO good. Lewis Fac
tory, Peoria, Ill.
Barbour County index. [volume] (Medicine Lodge, Kan.) 1880-current, 1905-05-31

1t is well enough to profit by our own
mistakes, but it is a good deal more
profitable to profit by the mistakes of
others-Puck
Barbour County index. [volume] (Medicine Lodge, Kan.) 1880-current, 1905-05-31
Self-Sacri6cine.

Hell don't see what makes women such
awful gossips. Now, man prides him
self on being good listener!
She-Ihat's just It! A woman likes to
tiatter his vanity and how could he listen
u she didn't talk ?-Detroit Free Press,
Barbour County index. [volume] (Medicine Lodge, Kan.) 1880-current, 1905-05-31

Fond Mother-"Tommy, darling, this
is your. birthday. What would you
like best?" Tommy CATER a moments
ref1ection)-"I think l should enjoy
seeing the baby spanked"
Barbour County index. [volume] (Medicine Lodge, Kan.) 1880-current, 1905-05-31
Bad Beginning.

SO the engagements off,"
Yes; she advised him to practice econ.
omy, and he started by getting her an imi-
tation diamond. STRAY Stories.
Barbour County index. [volume] (Medicine Lodge, Kan.) 1880-current, 1905-05-31
TALES OF THE TOTS.

well, Dolly, are you having nee
time at the party?" 20, yes, mamma!
Why, three little boys have had fights
about me already"
Barbour County index. [volume] (Medicine Lodge, Kan.) 1880-current, 1905-05-31
NUGGETS OF NONSENSE.

docs he get much for his work ?"
"All that he's worth 81 don't see
how he can live"
Barbour County index. [volume] (Medicine Lodge, Kan.) 1880-current, 1905-05-31
It Cures While You Walk.

Aliens Foot-Ease is a certain cure foa
hot, sweating, callous, and swollen, aching
accept any substitute. Trial package FREE.
Address Allen S. Olmsted, lie Roy, N. Y.
Barbour County index. [volume] (Medicine Lodge, Kan.) 1880-current, 1905-05-31

I am sure Piso's Cure for Consumption
Robbins. Norwich, n Y, Feb. II, 1900.
Barbour County index. [volume] (Medicine Lodge, Kan.) 1880-current, 1905-05-31

The inventor of the rubber collar must
have reasoned that a great many necks
were waiting for something of that kind
Chicago Tribune.
Barbour County index. [volume] (Medicine Lodge, Kan.) 1880-current, 1905-05-31

Dolliver-Mrs. Grimes says her hus-
band is the. best man that ever lived.
Wicklow-Maybe he is, but he isn't
the best man that ever died, for that
man was my wife's first husband.
Barbour County index. [volume] (Medicine Lodge, Kan.) 1880-current, 1905-05-31
One Good WAY.

"And so Jimpson read his poem to you
yesterday! How did you endure it?"
Il just fixed my glass eye on him, and
went to sleep with the other."-Chicago
journal.
Barbour County index. [volume] (Medicine Lodge, Kan.) 1880-current, 1905-05-31

If you feel like starting a little argu-
ment at home just spring that statisti-
clans views about a woman being able
to clothe herself with $65 year.-Albany
Times Union.
Barbour County index. [volume] (Medicine Lodge, Kan.) 1880-current, 1905-05-31

Don't believe the fellow who tells Won
what he would do if he were in your
place.-N. Y. Times.
Barbour County index. [volume] (Medicine Lodge, Kan.) 1880-current, 1905-05-31

Art can hardly hope to compete with
nature as long as Nature continues to
work "a hours a day.-Puck.