Mexico Missouri message., 1905-07-20

or lock together, It has been my good
fortune 10 meet thousands OF other pco-
pie on The sunny side of the street. and
l shall cudcavor TO distribute some OF
the sunshine which these fine fellows
unluadcd on me.
Joseph Jefferson took delight I'm tell.
Ing Of new playmate OF one Of his
sons, who asked another boy who
young Jefferson was and was told:
"Oh, his father works in q thcatcr
somewhere"
Pete Daley, while enjoying a short
vacation, visited n New York theater
when business was dull. Being asked
aftcrward how large the audience was,
lie replied, 81 could lick all three Of
them"
On meeting n friend who was "hcsh.
Ing NJ" he exclaimed, "You are get
ting so stout that I thought some one
was with you"
May Twins Joke.
have been the subject Of some ac-
tors Jokes ana enjoyed the fun as
much as any one. May Irwin had two
sons who carly in life were susceptl.
bic 10 the seductive cigarette, against
which she cautioned them earnestly.
entered n restaurant one Gay where
she apd her sons were dining, and she
called me over and gave me an oppor-
tunity TO become acquainted with the
little fellows. After ] left them one
turned 10 his mother and asked:
1hnt
sh0rt?'
Smoking cigarettes" she replied
And they never smoked again.
Willie Collier invited me one summer
TO his beautiful home at ST. James, on
Long Island. He was out when / ar
rived, and when he returned Mrs. Col
liCr said 10 him:
you're going TO have Marshall =.
Wilder FOR dinner" and Willie replied:
"Id rather have lamb"
When an acquaintance said to Au-
Eustus Thomas after being wcarlcd by
Il play: THAT was The slowest per
Torrance ever saw. Strange, too, for
it had a run of 100 nights I'm London
Thomas replied:
That's the trouble. It's exhausted
its speed"
Cried For an Hour.
Stuart Robson had been close
ncighbOr and friend for many years to
Lawrence Barrett. His bosom friend,
Marshall Lewis, fell in love with Bar
rett's charming daughter Mile, and
Robson pretended to think it was the
greatest Joke in the world.
"Why don't you 20 IN and win and
marry her, MarshallT" II used to say
in the squcaky voice which was not for
the stage alone. "I'll tell you what
I'll do. The day you marry Mlllie
Barrett I'll give You $1,000"
This went on for some time until, 10
Robson's establishment and chagrln,
Miss Barrett accepted Lewis.
BY the way, when Barrett learned OF
IIt he exclaimed: "My dear boy, You
don't know what you're doing. You
arc robblng me Of my Only remaining
q. arhter."
not at ALL" Lewis replied, with n
slap on the back OF his father-in-law
elect "Tm merely giving you another
son"
When the marriage day came Robson
did not attend the ceremony, but lie
sent his daughter Alicia In his place,
and gave her check for $1,000 drawn
TO Lewis order. but with emphatic or
ders not 10 part from It until Lewis
ana Miss Barrett were pronounced man
and wife. When Alicia returned her
father asked her if she had given
Lewis the check.
The girl replied, eyes, father"
What did he do and sayf" Robson
inquired impatIently.
why, father, he was so overcome
that he cried for a minute after 1 gave
II 10 him."
"Egad!" squeaked Robson. WAS
that all? Why, cried for an hour
when l wrote IT,"
Ezry and His Hog.
Henry Dlxey is an adept at the lei
surely tale, which Is n word picture
from start TO finish. Here is II sam.
pie:
In one of the country stores, where
they sell everything from n silk dress
and n tub of butter to a hot drink and
a cold meal, a lot OF farmers were sit
ting around the stove one cold winter
day, when IN came Farmer Evnns,Nwho
was greeted with:
How d. do, Ezry1"
How d do, boysY After awhile
lie continued "Waal, I've killed my