Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1905-12-10

were placed upon the glowing gridirons.
where they squirmed and groaned.
Here are three candidates for admission
to the Gridiron Club said the interlocutor.
They are in a sad predicament. Two OF
them were caught red-handed In writing
special dispatches on cabinet matters. The
third is suspected of having voted the reg
ular republican ticket at the last election.
They are now in the hands of the grand
inquisitor and his cabinet. May heaven
have mercy upon them. They have been
doomed to torment until the Keep commits
sion makes good
Then their punishment Is eternal" re-
marked President Carson.
A warning flourish of the big stick en-
phasized disapproval of this criticism.
This man should be done to turn" said
Secretary Roots proxy, prodding the I'M
fortunate Oulahan with a toasting fork.
HE dared to ask me If l had attended a
cabinet meeting He has printed in his
paper that our head devil owns stock in
the government printing office. His alleged
election was accomplished by a corrupt and
criminal combination maSquerading as
Gridironers. Where does he stand on the
railway rate question:
Give him transportation and he cares
not who makes the rates." whereat the
grand inquisftor mods approval and shakes
the big stick.
Almost FORGOT his MuzZle.
Then Secretary Shaw's proxy advanced to
the squirming Walker and after vigorous
poke with the toasting fork declared:
Let justice be done, though the markets
fall This man came to the Treasury De-
partment and asked me If 1t were true that
the grand inquisitor had instructed me to
give twenty-five millions to Wall street.
I was on the point Of yielding when l
glanced at the head devils letter Of in
struction which T keep ON my desk before
me. ! showed no weakness and had no
pity for him, but Immediately sent for the
press association and told them a funny
story
Secretary Taft then fell upon the writh-
Ing Mr.. Small with his fork and said:
This is a George B. Cox republican. Had
gone home and voted against him. l would
swap my presidential chances for a seat on
the supreme bench before l would admit
him to the club. He is the product of q
corrupt machine
Hold on! You are very much mistaken.
This is a Gridiron daisy and was raised bq
hand. He is flower of the Small and
Early variety"
Then. the grand inquisitor rising. said:
'G-e-n-t-l-e-m-e-n: This is an extremely
embarrassing situation. There has been q
misunderstanding of orders all around. 1t
IS all due to the laundering of my head
devil in sending you the letter l dictated.
1t is needless to say that his mistake Is in
eXcusable. Cunning to Oulahan.) You must
remember Mr.. Oulahan, that my head
devil is immune. You have been sufficiently
toasted Head devil. release him"
Mr.. Walker, you must take dinner with
me. / have a new book to discuss with
you. Ii is by James B. Reynolds and enti-
tied If Fish were Hides, where would
Crane Lodge?
Mr. Small, we will assign you to Secre-
Wilson'S q.
practical man. He has too many experts
in his business.
Boys we've had a bully time; let US ex-
press our renewed relationship in a song"
ingI
Give my regards to Moody,
Remember me to Cortelyou,
Tell Shaw and Taft and all the cabinet
We know~yThat TO do.
Whisper TO Hitchcock softly,
Wen practice on him anon;
Wen find way TO get the news
No matter if the gag is on"
Topical Songs for All.
The Gridiron Quartet and Chorus fur
nished other topical songs for the enter
tainment. There was one for Speaker
Cannon, sung-to the air of Hang up the
Fiddle and the Bow" the chorus of which
ran:
$50 lay the tariff question in its gr-a-a-ve
Along with railroad rebates meath the dome;
There won't be any work for Congress now to do;
You might as well all go home.
Vice President Fairbanks had a song ded-
icated to him also. 1t was to the tune of
Everybody Works But Father" and the
chorus was:
Everybody works but Fairbanks;
He sits there all day
Listening TO the speeches
Made in the old way.
Allison, Lodge and German
All in the ranks
Everybody works In the Senate
But Mister Fairbanks"
The railroad men present were handled
In a song, and then to the familiar air of
'"Tammanee'' rang out this chorus:
"Beverdse Beveridge,
You're gay young Hooser Boy,
You're the Senates pride and joy;
Beveridge, Beveride.
Fine debater, great orator
Beyeridgei''