Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1905-01-13


Ella-What nice hair Bella has. Stel-
la-Well, a woman Is fool to buy an
inferior arhcle-Tewn Topics.
The Lady-That isn't the same story
you told me before. The Beggar-No.
lady; you didn't believe the other one.
-Ex.
He-Can't we just quietly separate
without getting a formal divorce? She
But I'm already engaged to another.
Life.
"Is your wife economical" "Very.
She can fix over a ten-dsllar hat for
SIS 10 1t will look just as good as q
new ene."-Puck.
Big Brother-Now, Willie, You must
give me the larger half of the apple.
because mamma says we mustn't be
greedy.-Harper's Bazaar.
How are you making out in writing
for the magazines?" "Just holding my
own. They send me back as much as
send them."-Detroit Free Press.
Uncle Josh-Most every official that
amounts to anything has to file an an
nual report. Uncle Hiram-Yes; an I
guess that's about all some of 'em do.
Puck.
Tourist say, guide, what does that
memorial stone commemorate? Guide
I put it there. 1t was upon that spot
tourist once gave me five francs
Tit Bits.
Meekly-Yes, we're going to move to
Swamphurst Doctor-But the climate
there may disagree with your wife.
Meekly-It wouldn't dare!-Philadel-
phia Press.
Nell-Mr. Krammerer is SO kind. He
said 1 took very pretty and very ar
tistc picture. Bell-Indeed? And
whose picture did you take, dear?-
Philadelphia Ledger.
Lady-Very healthy place, Is iti
Have you any idea what the death
rate is here? Caretaker-Well, num-
can't 'zactly say; but it's about one
apiece all round-Punch.
Mrs. Smith-Td like to sell you q
ticket, sir. We're getting up rattle
for poor sailor. Mr.. Krusty-Not te
me- I wouldn't know what to do with
, sailor II won him.-Ex.
Most divorces are caused by very
common mistake" what is it?'
MANY a man In love only with a dim
, pie or curl makes the mistake Of mar
: rying the whole girl" Life.
|, Clarinda-Aren't you allowed tt
keep dog in your new fat? Florinds
8 No, we had to give Fido away; bu
8 Jack had his dear little bark put IL
8 our phonograph.-Journal Amusant.
Ida-Are they really SO rich? MAJ
: L should say SO. When they slipped
s several spoons and saucers into thei
grips the hotel clerk said it was mere
ly the souvenir hobby.-Chicago News
t "Heayensr' exclaimed the first moth
+ heres fine prospect of starving tt
deathr' "How so?" inquired the 9th
er one. There's nothing in this bo,
q we're locked up in but bathing suit
Eek.
Miss Passay-You may sneer at pc
J, dogs, but they're faithful, anyway
$ I'd rather kiss good dog than som
men. Mr.. Sharpe well, som
= men are born lucky.-Philadelp
+ Ledger.
Edith-Is it true. Dolly, that Larki
kissed you before he picked you up il
:, that runaway? Dolly-Yes, dear; yo1
know he is studying to be doctor
and that was first aid to the injured
a Chicago Record-Herald.
Photographer would suggest tha
It you relax the features little and as
y sumo more pleasing expression. Mrs
Vick-Senn-I suppose can do it if 70
insist, but I can tell you right now
' won't look like Chicago Tribune
What" asked the female-suffrag &
j. advocate with the square chin, cha
- become Of our manly men?" "Som
Of them," replied the meek and lowl
citizen, "have married womanly won
en-, and are now engaged in raisin
. childish children. Chicago News.
Uncle George have read your art
Gle over, and I must say it shows
great deal of originality. Arthur
Thanks, I'm surei 1 fattered mysel
there were some ideas in it. Uncl
George was not speaking of th
composition, but Of the spelling
e Boston Transcript.
= It was on the old camp ground
q Pass de hat" suggested Brudda
: Wheatly. But the parson raised hi
n hand. mo, sah," he shouted, "dere'
: be NO hats about it. Pass a tin bo
n wild a chain to it. De last time ha
:, was passed around heah it nevah cam
5 back, and had to go home barehead
y Chicago News.
v II must have new gown and Goa
e at once" "Great thunderation, won
# an, how can you ask for. a gown an
o coat when you have to testify in m
E bankruptcy hearing next week?" :.
! simply have to have them. Do yo