New-York tribune., 1905-02-12

as he is an observant individual he knows the
horrid symptoms at their faintest appearance
and can diagnose an incipient of "jokitis''
two minutes of. Most of the cases, he has dis
covered. bear wofuIy familiar aspects and. like
the dread contagious diseases. occur In cycles.
The man with many public dinners year for
several years to his creditor discredit-could
draw up a tolerably accurate table of the history
and characteristics Of each of the stories" in
general circulation accompanied by an appendix
with diagrams, of the various ways of perpe-
trating them on the long suffering men who
face the speakers. These ways to be sure, de-
pend on the individuality of the speaker, but
If he is an after-dinner speaker by profession
or the mischance of cruel fate, he is forced, for
variety, to have in his repertory several meth
DDS
One of the most generally used is that in which
the speaker 'jollies" thinks he does his
hearers by beginning his speech bluntly ire
spectfVe Of harmony with the introductory re-
marks of the toastmaster, or the appropriate
ness Of the stories and his subject on the list
with a story followed by another and possibly
stlH another, until he judges that he has sufIl-
GENTLY Modified the aggregation of humanity
before him to allow him to enter safely on his
serious DISCOURSE" which he does usually by
announcing And now, gentlemen. seriously I
come to my topic 1t must have occurred to
every one Of US that this State has been blessed
by a gracious Providence"-
And there is always the man who is suddenly
reminded of a story I heard the other day
which seems good that know you'll pardon
me for repeating it to you" variant of the
other species is the speaker who sandwiches be-
tween the divisions of his discourse Jokes to
relieve the strain on the mentality of his hear
ers; presumably, that is, analyst has ever
furnished better reason All these varieties OF
attack become known to the habitual dinner
goer. and in time his system becomes Injured to
them. but he never fully gets accustomed to the
resurrection of the old, familiar tales.
These he tags with the date of their first ap-
pearance, and usually he is able to recall of
hand two or three other speakers who have used
it each season 1t did duty He knows the par
ticuar pets of each public speaker, and from
the trend of the discourse can prophesy with
curacy when and how the speaker is going to
Introduce his next story, and pretty near what it
VIII be-
habitual attendant at the public dinners ebb
from him gradually. His love of real jokes
forced to subsist the breakfast food variety
substitutes, Starves and dWindleS even as do
ments, until his ViSage becomes solemn and
joyless the faces of the most confirmed din
ner jokers, notoriously a lank, thin dyspeptic
breed. And let the gentle reader, when he
hears of the bursts of applause which greeted
the eloquent speech" of Mr.. So-and-So or the
"peals of laughter" which the wit of Mr. Told
'em- Before elected, look not the fair print in
which such report is unbluShingly set forth but
into the aTe-weary department of the men to
whom il is all attributed, and let him take 4
solemn VOW that he will never, never, if he be-
comes forced to speak, anywhere, on any occa-
sion. speak more than five minutes. try
to iOEeI