davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Twice-a-week plain dealer. (Cresco, Howard County, Iowa) 1895-1913, 1905-06-30

VI 2 ~
him and dance before the grand dukes,
and he always gave them Jewels and
cans of caviar as souvenirs of their
visit gi9a5 ass49hoa a. fsd49tiSh
Dad thought it over all night, and
the next morning we started for Rus
STA and wish we had Joined an ex-
petition to discover the North Pole in
stead Of coming here. Say, 1t is harder
to, get into Russia' than II would be
to get out of "a 9penitentiary at home
AT the frontier we were met by guards
| on horseback and, on foot. policemen
| detectives and other grafters, who took
our passports and money, and one tel-'
low made me exchange my socks with
him. Then they imprisoned susi in q
stable with some cows until they could
| hold a coroner's inquest on our pass
| ports and divide our money. We
| slept with the COWS the first night in
Russia. and Il do not want to sleep
again with animals that chew cuds all
night, and get up half dozen times to
hump up their backs and stretch and
below. We never slept wink. and
tscould look out through the cracks in
the stable and see the guards shaking
dice for our money. aila3s
Finally they looked at the great seal
on our passports and saw 1t was an
American document and they began to
turn pale. as pale as a Russian can
lIget without using soap. and when |
said. Washington. ambassador, min
lister plenipotentiary. Roosevelt, Hot
| Time in the Old Town Tonight. E
Pluribus Unum. whoopla. San Juan
HILL" and pointed to dad, who was
Just coming out OF the stable. LOOKING
like Washington at Valley Forge. the
guards and other robbers bowed to
dad. gave him bag full OF Russian
money in place of that which they lad
taken away, and let us take a freight
train forsdSt. Petersburg. and they
i must have toldth train men who we
were. because everybody on the cars
A took off their hats to us. and divided
their iunch with US.
Cad could not understand =.
change in the attitude OF the people
TOW ards lis until told him ;hat they
Itota him for distinguished Amer
.es. II statesman and that as long a:
NE were ia Russia lie must try Il
i,sk like George Washington and &c,
rs / heudore Roosevelt. SO every liz
- ,9niie dad would stand up in tht
,icsli Tie ear and pose like Georg,
s3lnn4.;ot an when anybody saw
ms . 2Nsn i'wira or a cigarette b,
!, should show his teeth and say. "Dse
lighted" and all the way to st. Peters
burg dad carried out his part, Of tn
programme and we were not robbet
! once on the trip. but dad tried t
smoke one OF the cigarettes that wa
4 given him by a Cossack. and he die
e in my arms, pretty near
~ They make cigarettes out OF bale
hay that has been used for bedding
and covered with paper that has beel
: used to poison flies. never smelle
II anything SO bad since they fuInigate
|, our house by the board of health afte
the hired girl had smallnnx.
Twice-a-week plain dealer. (Cresco, Howard County, Iowa) 1895-1913, 1905-06-30

Copyright. 1905. by Joseph B. Bowles.)
St Petersburg, Russia.-My Dear
Groceryowski: Well, sir, 'spose you
will be surprised to hear from me in
Russia, but there was no use talking
when Dad said he was going to ST.
Petersburg ii it was, the last act OF his
life. He got talking with a Japaneser
in Rome and the Jap said the war in
the far east would last until every
Russian was killed. unless America in
terfered to put stop to it, and as
Roosevelt didn't appear to have sand
enough to offer his services to the
car, what it needed was for some rep
resentative American citizen who was
brave and had nerve to go to st
Petersburg and see the czarovitch and
give him the benefit Of a good Ameri-
can talk. The Jap said the American
who brought about peace. by a few
we'll chosen remarks. would be the
greatest man OF the century, and
would live to BIO bowed down to by
kings and empercrs and all the worl
would doff hats to him. .gg,,,
At first dad was a.tlittle leary about
going on such a mission without Gre
dentials from Washington. but as luck
would have it. he met an exiled Itus-
sian at restaurant, who told dad
that he reminded him OF Gen. Grant
because dad had wart OF the side Of
his nose, and he told dad that Russia
would keep on fighting until every
Japanese was killed unless some dis
tinguished American should, be raised
up who deemed it his duty to go tc
| st. Petersburg and see the Little
Father and in the interest of human
ity advise the car to call halt be
fore he had exterminatea the Who'll,
| yellow race. Dad asked the Russian
If he thought the car would gran
an audience to an American Of EN-
inence in his own country, and tn,
Russian told dad that Nicholas JUS
dotted on Americans. and that Their
was hardly ever an American bale
dancer that went to Russia but VIVA
the car sent for her to come and SCI
Twice-a-week plain dealer. (Cresco, Howard County, Iowa) 1895-1913, 1905-06-30
Well we cot to st Petersburg

Well. we got to st PetefsbuTg IA
an awful time. and went to hotel,
suspected by the police. and marked
as undesirable guests by the Cossacks,
and winked 1T tv the wallSing dele
gates and strikers who thought we
were non-union men looking for their
jobs.
The next day the religious cere-
mony of blessing the Neyap took
place, where, all the population gets
out on the bank of the river. with
overshoes on. and fur coats, and looks
down on the river, covered with ice
four feet thick, and the river is
blessed. In our country the people
Twice-a-week plain dealer. (Cresco, Howard County, Iowa) 1895-1913, 1905-06-30

ed my confidence and some Of my
doughnuts on the curb at Luncheon
time, I remember best of ALL
"Ye'H niver ferglt the tonne we
wurl'uked together under Boss Me-
Cormicl," said lie.
And to this day, whenever meet
the good man, now bent and gray, hp
says always g ood day ". Mr..
Brewer. D ye mind the tonne We
pounded, the rock under Boss McCor-
tnisnF
Twice-a-week plain dealer. (Cresco, Howard County, Iowa) 1895-1913, 1905-06-30

The Bad Boy and His Dad Go to Rus
STA to Stop t,le War-They Riot a
Little and Dad Gets Lashed with
a Cossack's Whip-He Takes a
Hitch on the Grand Dukes sledge,
But Doesn't Ride Very Far.
Twice-a-week plain dealer. (Cresco, Howard County, Iowa) 1895-1913, 1905-06-30

i=s's BY HON. GEORGE w. PECK.
1(IIN-Governor OF Wisconsin,. Former Ed
q ttor of Peck's Sun, Author OF "Peck's
Bad Boy etc.,
Twice-a-week plain dealer. (Cresco, Howard County, Iowa) 1895-1913, 1905-06-30
Huge Task.

1t was huge task, to undertake the
cure Of such a. bad case off kidney dis
ease, as that ofC. F.Collier,o OF Chero-
kee, Ia. but Electric sBitterS did 1T.
He writes: MY kidneys we're. so far
gone, I could not,sit on chair with
out cushion; and suffered from dread
full backache, headache, and depres-
sion. In Electric Bitters, however, /
d cure, and by them was restored to
peri CT he alth. recommended this
great tonic medicine to ali weak kid
'neys, liver or stomach. Guaranteed by
P. A, Clcmmer, druggist; price SOC. F
Bears tie - ~ad You Have Always Bought
s'ss e l1sHAgzzzsu
The comet. (Johnson City, Tenn.) 1884-1916, 1905-09-14

Terminal Company will be continued,
hoAever, and the two roads will jointly
use and operate the terminals.
The Illinois Central gets only that
portion of the road between Nashville
and Hopkinsville, Ky, 1914 miles, and
its portion of the tracks of the Nash
vile Terminal. The Southern is to
get all the eastern division of the main
line from Nashville to Hartman June
ton, 1868 miles, and the forty-seven
miles of branch lines as we'll as its per
ton of the terminals in Nashville
The representative of the Banner Wis
tied the Offices of the Illinois Central
President Stuyyesant Fish of the Hi
nois Central is not in town, but an off
cial of the company confirmed th,
above statements in every particular
but asked that his name be no
: mentioned.
The comet. (Johnson City, Tenn.) 1884-1916, 1905-09-14
NEWS-SCIMlTAR NOTES.

No use to quarantine this bum town.
No one is trying to get here. It's as
dry as a powder horn every day in the
week. -Hardeman Free Press.
Cy Lyle shows his ignorance by
spelling it "high ball" IN his paper.
faint no such thing. 1t was named
after Capt. Henry Ball of Clay caunty,
Mo. He always signed his first name
"Hyp and when he conferred new
name on the old "grog" of our grand
fathers, it was called "Hy ball" A
man who drinks as many of them as
Cy Lyle does ought to learn how to
spell the name correctly. Hardeman
Free Press.
Dick Chatham has fonnd the leak
in Washington. There has been a
leak in our jug Of moonshine and we
wish he would bring his secret service
officers to Boliver and find out who is
responsible for it. We amt accusin'
of no one, but Cy Lyle was seen in our
Office one day last week when we was
sleepin' under the chinaberry tree in
our back yard. five can find the man
who caused the leak in that jug we will
carve enough meat off'n him to bait a
trot line. -Hardemsn Free Press.
Wimmin is curious creatures. When
we was over to Hot Springs last week,
we did like every other fool, and rid a
donkey up the mountain and had our
picter TUX. When we showed it to our
wife she said it was fine picter of us
and then asst: "But who is the gentle
man a-ridin' of you?" Hardeman Free
Press.
Down to New Orleans there are six
hundred Dago saloons, and if they are
all in the yellow fever zone we want
to go down there and nurse the
sick. -Hardeman Free Press.
Cy Lyle has declared war on tie
female mosquito. He has just learned
that the little animal has six tubes pro-
jecting from its face, through all of
which it drinks liquids. Cy has only
one orifice in his countenance through
which to drink his Ticker, and he is
jealous. -Hardeman Free Press.
The comet. (Johnson City, Tenn.) 1884-1916, 1905-09-14

H. Clay Evans, of Chattanooga, for
mer Consul General to London, who
preceded his wife and two daughters
back to this country, has returned with
them from New York, where they land
ed few days ago. The Evans family
will remain in Washington until about
Nov. /, occupying residence they
own on Massachusetts avenue. Mr..
Evans, asked this morning about his
interest in Tennessee politics, said
with laugh:
II guess we are going to have some
fun down there certainly with Car
mack and Taylor, and maybe with Cox
and Patterson"
Then Mr.. Evans, remarking that he
had not seen but was anxious to read
Congressman Patterson's declaration
of his platform, answered as to the
question about whether he would be
active in any way in the compaign:
"I'm just looker-on, but I'll be
down there. We are surely going to
have some fun.
The comet. (Johnson City, Tenn.) 1884-1916, 1905-09-14
COMMERCIAL APPEAL NOTES.

The report that we fell off II water
wagon in Memphis and broke our leg
down in the infected district is base
invention of Sigh Lyle or some other
galoot. -Hardemau Free Press.
We stated recently in these here col
gums that we had never taken Ticker
ads. fer several years, and that we was
in favor of the movement started in
Memphis agin the saloons; ard now
that fat head, Sigh Lyle, wants to
know how we can publish prohibit
ZIONIST paper and get on jag onct or
twict a week. We git drunk as an
individual, not as editor. Do you
ketch on, Sigh?-Hardeman Free
Press.
Cy Lyle is authority for the report
that as Jack Reaves was drinking a
stein of beer in the shade of the old
apple tree recently limb fell broke
his mug.
We bet Sigh Lyle pair of pants
that the cotton crop wouldn't be over
H. 900, 900 bales, and Sigh wing. And
as we didn't have but one pair and
Sigh wouldn't give us no credit we air
writing our EDITORIAL under very dis
cumlocated circumstances. We will
take secondhand pants on subscrip-
ton frum now on. Hardeman Free
Press.
We have come to the conclusion that
there air something wrong about Gen.
Patterson's candidacy for Governor
He has atacted the macheen to which
we belong, and we don't think he is a
Democrat no how. AS soon as we git
pair of pants we air going to take
the stump agin him. -Hardeman Free
Press.
When we was to Johnson City on
our way home, we was stopped in front
of saloon by Sigh Lyle, who said we
couldn't git in without health sirtif-
kate. He asst us if we was a married
man, whether we was white or colored,
aud If we had been sober in the last
sixty days We satisfied him on all
pints, and then he said that on setting
EN- up to the inspector chats him) we
have noticed that these here East Ten.
nesseans never lose their presence OF
mind. - Hardeman gree Press.
The comet. (Johnson City, Tenn.) 1884-1916, 1905-09-14
Primaries Coming in Vogue.

The Nashville Banner sees trouble
ahead because of the proposed aban-
donment of the old-tlme party conven-
tions, and the resort to primary cleo
tions for the selection of candidates.
Nevertheless, there is popular wave
in that direction. The mass Of the vot-
ers are unaccustom ed to public speak
ing. Even in their county conventions
they do not make themselves heard.
But they have views and they would
like to have primaries in which they
might give direct expressions of those
views. Gradually nearly every state
surrounding Tennessee has adopted
the white primary for the giving of ex-
preston to democratic voters. True,
the conditions are somewhat different
in those states to what they are in Ten
nessee The resublican party is not as
The comet. (Johnson City, Tenn.) 1884-1916, 1905-09-14
BrOwnIOw's Biblical Lore.

The Bristol Courier is as merry over
Boss Brownlow's slap OF West Ten
nessee republicans as was old King
Cole upon the appearance of his re-
freshments and his fddlers three. The
Courier insists that Brownlow is no
heather, but "strong on the charity
that begins at home and practices SO as
not to fall under the indefensible con-
demnation of the positive declaration
that he that provideth not for his own
household is worse than an infdel.' 4"
The West Tennessee republican con-
tingent is advised by the Courier to live
in patience and learn submission.
1.-The anger and resentment, nam.
bled oaths and red-headed language, Z"
says the Courier, "that Congressman
Brownlow caused among the suddenly
self-respecting republicans of Memphis
aud vicinity by the appointment of his
son.inlaw King to lucrative sineeure
The comet. (Johnson City, Tenn.) 1884-1916, 1905-09-14

have been matter of amusement to
the cognoscenti in this hill country.
What if the West Tennesseans were
slapped in the face?' The Boss,
sometimes called Easy, will teach
them to practice the scriptural injunc-
ton and turn the other cheek also. >"
We haven't a word to say about
Brownlow's application OF his Biblical
lore. That's matter between him and
his parson, but its sure medicine that
neither the Courier nor the "Boss, p"
sometimes called easy" is just exact
! ly "next" to the caliber of some Of
these West Tennessee followers of his.
We have noticed the cut of their iibs,
on election days, seen the whites Of
of their eyes and we are very mucl
mistaken if many of them haven't go
in them some of the spirit Of the eight
ing Parson." The Courier will remem
} Der that this devout individual obeyeC
+ the Christian mandate as to turning
8 the other cheek, but having r6csiye'
3 the second blow he lit in and fHirl.
I wiped up the surface of this little greer
globe with the material organized sub
S stance of his assailant.
Q We are not taking care of any repub
1 licans as republicans, as we have sal
: before; but if nybody, even the "Boss,
t struts around our West Tennessee
+, brand, pushing chips, under the belle
r that they are dead easy, he's might
: apt to come a cropper, and no mistake
g The Courier, while its talking Bibl
# with Walter p, may tell him this q
gospel, and we doubt not the "Eas
e One" will lay it away in his mind fC
It careful consideration. - Commercial
s Appeal,
The comet. (Johnson City, Tenn.) 1884-1916, 1905-09-14


The water problem is about to solve
itself. The franchise can't be extend
ed legally and bonds cannot be foated
on short lease. The city wants to
buy or build, the compady is willing
to sell. It only remains to agree upon
a fair valuation of the plant, IT is not
one-sided question in favor of the
company by any means because water
plant without franchise is about as
a waterless company. 1t should not
be any trouble to agree upon correct
price that will be fair to all parties.
The comet. (Johnson City, Tenn.) 1884-1916, 1905-09-14
Plans for the Southern & Western.

"Before the promoters of the South
& Western Railway are through, said
Maj. e. A, Wilson, of this city, who
has returned from trip over the pre-
posed route at the head of an engineer
ing party, ''the new line will probably
be constructed for a distance of 300
miles.
George Il. Carter and the roads
promoters have plans of importance
for that line. 1t will be built into the
coal fields of Virginia, through the
mountains of East Tennessee and into
the Carolinas.
"Work is necessarily slow on ac-
count of certain plans, but the road
will, sooner or later, be built Con.
siderable work has been done, prepar-
ing route or the proposed line be-
tween Spruce Pine, N. c. land Marion,
N. @. There will be fourteen tunnels.
The work will be very heavy.
johnson City will get the road, il
my opinion although the exact route
has not been decided on.
"It is difficult to say who is back o
Mr.. Garter. Probably the Seaboart
Air Line and the Cincinnati, Hamilton
& Dayton Railroads.
'The Southern, in my opinion
feared interference in that region, ant
for that reason began work on it
Embreeville branch lastw Knox
vile Sentinel.
The comet. (Johnson City, Tenn.) 1884-1916, 1905-09-14
General PattersOn's ASSISTANTS,

The papers IN Tennessee most con-
spicuous in attacking Hon. M. r. Pat
terson in his candidacy for the COVER
norship are the Chattanooga News, the
Cookeville Press, Dyer County Herald
aud Dick Green's Record. Remember
ing that Gen. Patterson has declared
fight to the finish against the State
machine the antagonism to him from
these sources is amusing.
There's the Chattanooga News, for
instance, out at once in lampoon
against Memphis and Memphis man
for Governor and trying to stir up dis
cord in West Tennessee because some
distinguished gentlemen in that Sec
ton in the News opinion are more en-
titled to the governorship than Gen.
Patterson.
AS these distinguished gentlemen are
not seeking the office this point in the
Chattanooga papers effort is without
force. All the same 1t Is charmlngly
refreshing to note such disinterested
Smelling of the West Tennessee woods
ON the part OF the News in search Of an
opponent to the Memphis man who is
conducting such strenuous war against
the machine. 1t is so easy to see that
the News has the interest of the people
at heart when on another occasion it
endeavors to make of Gen. Patterson a
machine man, and to oppose him on
this ground
rennesseeans will appreciate how
anselashly patriotic the news is in tax
ing position against Gen. Patterson
on this grornd when they are aware of
The comet. (Johnson City, Tenn.) 1884-1916, 1905-09-14

the fact that that the individual having
most to do with controlling the destiny
of the News is Gov. Gox's appointee
for Coal oil inspector. Being then
flesh and bone of the machine, isn't it
remarkable instance OF beatific self
abnegation to actually create machine
man in order to have whack at him?
Oh, thou Chattanooga News. Art thou
indeed the lofty soul capable of seeing
the dross in thine own food and will ing
to forego it if thou canst but warn the
people by setting forth its impurities
with anAattack upon some hypothetical
creation?
Then there's Dick Green's Record
that would emulate the proud position
occupied by the News. 1t too, raises a
howl of alarm at figment of the mag
nation, claiming that Gen. Patterson
has been identified with q machine
down in this neck of the woods. Fie
on the Record. Doesn't it know that
Richard has got another horse and is
now riding regularly to the State
trough as Assistant Commissioner Of
Agriculture.
And the Cookeville Press. 1t, too, is
determined to cast its stone at the
hand that feeds it. 1t, too, has reached
high @ over a spook that has no exist
encs; for it, too, is crying Justify thai
Gen. Patterson is machine made, and
would the people believe it, the editor
of the Press is drawing his little reg
ular per month from the States strong
box us Assistant Superintendent o
Public instruction.
We haven't had time to lsok up tn,
Dyer County Herald, so we canno
place this journal in the high rank
| deservedly occupied by the disinter
ested trio mentioned. Perhaps it Nigh
! be shown that the Heaald is quite a
| unselfsh and self-sacrifcing in fight
ing this formidable fiction about Gen
Patterson as any of these others, bu
g until it has proved itself worthy t
rank with them we must decline to al
low it this exalted distinction.
It Much to our regret, however, "
have plain but distressing duty t
perform. We have to assure these dis
r interested, high-minded, self.sacrifC
ing, pro bono publico feeders at tn
machines spout that their praisewGth
patriotism is not in a good cause. Ur
. fortunately Gen. Patterson is not
y machine man, and the chastisemen
they have given the thing that help
them, but is hateful to their loft
= ideals, is absolutely uncalled for in tn
n Generals case. He has never had an
hand in the appointment of anyon
connected with election machinery
He has held aloof from local CO
fight and kept his skirts free frol
=" mere partisan squabbles.
So, brothers, you have wasted you
grace and been spendthrifts of you
10 fine sentiments. We trust your mas
"a nanimity will not hurl you beneat
the wheels Of the machine you serve
" and we wish you more accurat
knowledge of the truth and a bette
luck upon the next occasion calling fc
ID a display of that dear disinterestedne'
lie that is so sweet and refreshing in tn
ID selfish world. Commercial Appeal.
The comet. (Johnson City, Tenn.) 1884-1916, 1905-09-14

strong. But in Virginia, where the
republicans have for years had a re-
spectacle following, the primary has
been adopted and with much success.
Judging from our experience with the
action of separate senatorial primaries
and conventions in the various conven-
tions last year, no worse result GER
tainly could ensue from a general pri-
mary, and the probability is it would
have less effect in causing disallec-
ton. Sentinel.
The comet. (Johnson City, Tenn.) 1884-1916, 1905-09-14
Illinois Central Official Confirms Reported
deal

New York, September II. The Ten
nessee Central Railroad Company is
about to be leased to the Illinois Cen
trrl and the Southern, says the Com
mercial this mornidg. The deal is to
become effective within three months,
the line to be divided between the two
systems named, thus nffording each of
them an entrance into Nashville, Tenn.
The plan provides that the Nashville
Terminal Company, which has been a
separate organization under the parent
company, is to be the joint property Of
the Southern and the Illinois Central.
The organization of the Nashville
The comet. (Johnson City, Tenn.) 1884-1916, 1905-09-14
WOmen's Hands.

An autograph collector has the fol-
lowing curious letter of Whistler, the
painte: Irish girls have the most
beautiful hands, with long slender
fingers and delightful articulrtions.
American girls hands come next; they
are little narrow and thin. The
hands of English girls are red and
coarse The German hand is broad
aud fiat The Spanish hand is full of
big veins. 7 always use Irish models
for the hands, aud | think Irish eyes
are the most beautiful.
The comet. (Johnson City, Tenn.) 1884-1916, 1905-09-14

Sigh Lyle would be good man for
the temperance people to run for
Governor. He would be triumphant
ly elected, if he could get the
Democratic vote cast and counted for
him. -Courier.