The Caldwell tribune. [volume] (Caldwell, Idaho Territory [Idaho]) 1883-1928, 1905-07-29
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-, say pap, what's floating debit"
1our mother on her annual trip to
Europe. Town Topics.
"Can you tell me the quickest way.
to get to the postoficel" "Yes; run."-.
Cleveland Plain Dealer,
Johnnie Mummie, Just feel III all
over somehow. Mother-Where do
you feel it the most? Johnnie-In
sehool.-Half- Holiday.
Wears Daughter-Well. John. | see
you are looking as young as ever,
Jonn-Yes, miss, thankyee. An they
tell me I'll soon be an octogeranium.-
Punch.
Do you take an interest in society?
NO" answered Mr.. Gumrox, q. Il make
the investments, but mother and the
girls take all the interest. Washing.
ton Star.
You're such a wretched writer it's
wonder you wouldn't get typewrit-
ing machine" II would, only that
would show what a miserable spelier
l am."-Philadelphia Press.
/ Miss Ascum-pve often wondered.
Mr.. Rhymes, why you poets always
speak of the moon as silver" Mr..
Rymes-Well-er--I suppose it's be-
cause Of the quarters and halves
Philadelphia Press.
Fat Gentleman (gaspirg)-W-what
do you m1mean by making m mime
run after the car so2 I'll probably die
Of apoplexyl Polite Conductor-Yes,
sir. Transfer to some car going past
the morgue, sir?-Ex. ,aa#
Mr.. slack-Johnny, don't ever let
me hear you talk that way againi
won't have slang used In this housed
Johnny-But, pa, 7 Mr.. Slack
Out 1t out or I'll hand you one, seei-
Browning's Magazine.
The Dentistry have to charge you
two dollars and a half for pulling that
tooth. The Patient-Oi thought yea
charged fifty cints2 The Dentist
Yes; but you yelled 50 loud you scared
four other patients out Of the place.
Judge.
Husband-Have you heard Of the
latest cure for nervous prostratton ?
Wife-No. What is 1t? Husband
The patient isn't allowed to talk.
Wife-Pooh! One might as well die
from prostration as exasperation.-Il-
Illustrated Bits.
whats the matter. dearY her
mother asked. II was Just thinking"
the beautiful heiress answered, show
terrible 1t would be II the earl should
decide not to take papa's money on
the ground that is was tainted."-
Chicago Record-Herald.
Mamma-When that naughty boy
threw stones at you, why didn't you
come and, tell me instead of throwing
them back at him? Little Willie
Huh! What good would it do to tell
you? You couldn't hit the side Of a
horse.-Washingto Life.
Hicks-How do you happen to be
going fishing on Friday? l thought
you believed Friday was an unlucky
day. Wicks-Well, always have,
But it occurred to me this morning
that perhaps it would be unlucky for
the fsh.-Somerville Journal.
"You don't recognize titles of nobil-
ity in this country2" said the distin.
guished foreigner. "Oh, yes, we CAM
answered Mr.. Cumrox; mother and
the girls can not only recognize 'em,
but they can quote their market valu-
alton off-hand. "-Washingto Star.
Miss Fleyme-Oh! Mr.. Nocoyne
how lovely Of you to bring me these
beautiful roses! How sweet they are
and how freshl l do believe there Ii
little dew on them yet! Mr.. Nocoyne
-W-well, yes-there is, about fifty
cents, 1 think; but I'll pay it to-mor'
row.-Ex.
Police Judge-With what instru'
ment or article did your wife inflict
these wounds on your face and headi
Michael Mooney-Wid a motty, yer
amer. Police Judge-A whatH MI
chael Mooney-A motty-wan O. these
frames wild God Bliss Our Home" III
lt.-Cleveland Leader.
Observation-Disclosures we were mar
ried she used to say "by-by" so sweet
Is when 1 went down the steps. Mont.
morency-And what does she say
now? Marmaduke-Oh, just the same
thing, buy, buy" Montmorency-
All, see! She exercises different
spell over you.-Washington Life.
Now about those noomerous scan,
dals," observed the Pohick phtloso
pher, "the situation is jest this: The
papers say they wouldn't print 'em Il
the, people didn't read EN-. and the
people say they wouldn't read 'em II
the papers didn't print 'em, and there
ye be."-Louisville Courler-Journal
What do you believe is the ultimate
solution of this good roads move
ment?" asked the farmer. zone par
water, eight parts cement three part
sand and the balance in broken stone,
replied the engineer absently. Say
pard, l asked you for an opinion, mo-
an analysis" -Cincinnat1 Commercial
Tribune,
"Oh. George, DEAR" she whispered