Perth Amboy evening news., 1905-11-24

Did you ever get thai bill out Of
Smarker, Billy?" asked the casual
loafer of the burly feed merchant.
"You bet / did, replied the feed
merchant. And he paid up every last
cent Of it,"
you lone WELL" commented the
%loafer, helping himself to a mouthful
of Minnesota hard. II didn't suppose
anybody could elect anythin' from
Smarker. | know a dozen men he's
got into hard. You must be a dandy
c'lector.'
The feed merchant smiled. I'm a
diplermat," he said. 81 b'lieve in di-
plomercy. There's more ways o. skin
min a cat than n an a diplermat is
the Teller who finds out the right way
an then skins the cat. Now, my part
ner, he's b~ull-headed. He don't b'lieve
in diplomercy. He goes at a thing like
a bull at a stump. He undertook to-
elect that Smarker account an he
come out the little end O. the horn.
Way it was, We sent in the bill three
months hand runnin' an then my part
ner began to write sassy letters. Well,
oAAAA NV ~ L q n Nv IVA AOhANO
them letters than | would of a circular
from a corset mail-order house. We
don't neither of us like to sue q man.
Not on account of the man, p'tickler,
but by n large it costs more'n the
amount Of the bill. Smarker's wasn't
only SIS. 1t wasn't enough to pay a
lawyer an yet we didn't want to lose
1t. All the same l says: Let it 60
L" Let it go nothin',' says my part
ner. I'm goin' around to see him an
| bet l bring him to time.
" All right l says, but don't go at
him too brash an rub his fur the
wrong way. Be diplomatic. Maybe
you'd better let me go. I'm afraid O.
you. You're too impulsive.'
But nothin' 'ud do him an he starts
out with the bill. In about an hour
he comes back with his jaw hangin'
down.
Where's the money! l says.
"tHe's a blk, said my partner. He's
a plain, straight u~p-an'-down deadbeat.
He's a first-class fraud an a low-down
contemplate skate. | couldn't do moth
in with him.
" Die you tell him all that?' | says.
Z" You bet l did, says my partner;
an more, too. l told him that I'd
sue him an I'd hound him from Belle
PLANE to breakfast, | told him I'D
put Al attachment on his goods an
make him swear out every 30 days IL
he claimed exemptions an I'd carry
his case to the supreme court of the
United States, but I'd get that sis. An
| will, too. If you don't wan to do
it I'll do it on my own hook. lou
bet l told him what thought Of him!'
What did he say to that?' asked.
" Laughed, doggone his hide!
Laughed an told me to go right ahead.
Said if / got a red cent out Of him I'd
know it.
of course he did, l said. I could
have told you that afore you started
out. knew you'd make a mess of it.
Now, you hand that bill over to me
an I'll go at him Diplomatic. Just
wait and you'll see the difference
well, / went over an / found
Smarker in. AS soon as he saw me
he told me it was his busy day an
asked me to close the door after me as
| went out
" ri close it now,' l says. an |
done it. Now, Mr.. Smarker,' I says,
smilin' pleasant, I've just seen my
partner IN he told me about the way
he'd acted with you about this here
tritin' bill. ! understand he called you
names an threatened you with legal
proceedin's In otherwise acted un-
Diplomatic an ungentlemanly. Now,
I've come to apologize for him an tell
you | don't hold with no such way o.
doin's. l hope you'll overlook it this
time an | promise you it won't occur
again
We'll, he looked at me with his
eyes all bulged out for a minute. Then
he smiled an held out his hand an
told me it was all right.
Now, about this bill, Mr.. Smarker,'
/ says. I understand that it would in
convenience you to pay it right now?'
" 1T would, right now he says.
I'm sorry for that, | says, because.
I'm under the painful necessity of get
tins that little amount from you right
now. | know you wouldn't want me
to take steps of an unpleasant nature.
but I'm afraid steps of an unpleasant
nature might follow with regretterble
suddenness if you didn't see the force
of my argument. If you bat an Y at
me I. shall be forced to constroo it as
a hostile an unfriendly act. If you
don't accept my irreducible minimum.
which is SIS spot cash, | amt goin'
to invoke no friendly Intervention of
the supreme court, I'll tell you that
much. | just call your attention to the
facts that the latch is sprung on the
door an that I'm in first-class fightin'
trim. Now, I'll give you ten seconds
TO act on the ultimatum.' Then I
smiled pleasant agin an looked him
straight in the eye.
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