Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1905-10-21
A FINE "OONOLOGIST"

{
..Uh-huh,- ye-es-it's these delicate little
attentions that men pay women before they
marry 'em that the married women miss
SO much-if you don't believe 1t just take
a peek into the pages OF the ladies' weeK-
lies that print the lung-to-lung talks, and
find out" observed the man with the
square chin and the hard. steely eye.
The lung-to-lung editor tells you that
the wives like to be coddled and coaxed
and petted-like to have fuss made over
EN-, you know-and that they weep salty,
burning tears all over their pillows In the
mi6dle Of the night. what time the chimes
are sadly tolling the hour when they fall
to thinking Of how neglectful and indif-
ferent their husbands are becoming In the
ma tier of paying these little delicate, ante
matrimonial attentions.
Fine! Reads fine! But femme tell you
something. 1 know deep and crafty prop
Csition in this town who's got his little
connubial book down pretty pat.
He's married to one of the incest little
women In the District of Columbia, and
her that she thinks he's right straight from
Celestialyille-thath he's sort of Sir Gala
had in sack coat, and that he's got all
the rest of the men earth, particularly
us married men, dashed to the mast and
asleep at the switch when 1t comes to be-
ing the only really-and-truiy merchandise.
And yet even in the ordinary. everyday
matter of providing for his wife as the
very commonest among US provide for our
wives, this foxy one doesn't begin to MAKE
good. He bestows the het-up air and the
superheated steam upon her. but when 1t
comes to the dig thing to send her forth
looking like the friends she meets every
day, he's absent without leave, and no pros
pect Of his ever coming back.
He whiffs all the coin that he makes
solely and exclusively upon himself. or
l L. IL
around in purple and fine linen. she's gem
orally trying to dope 1t out how she's going
to make over her poor little frazzled-out hat
for the fourth time. While he's sloshing
week having a swell time. she's sitting
home and reading borrowed copy of The
Simple Life
There's not a married man within nine
teen blocks of where they live who doesn't
take twenty times as good care Of his wife
as this clever con man does. and yet he
got his wife bamboozled. as I say. into
imagining that he's the only one that was
ever turned out. and that the mold was
broken up and destroyed as soon as be
was manufactured.
How does he get by with itf
"Well, you see, he's wise to how fond
women of these little delicate atten-
tions' that you read SO much about In the
perfectly cute and cunnin' ladies' weeklies.
For example, when he feels that It's about
up to him to dig up $7.98 wherewith to
stake his wife to new dress he takes
her home Decent box of mixed candy.
See? That makes a big hit with her.
It's one of those little delicate attentions.
She tells him that he's the loveliest and
thoughtfulest ever and that there's not
one married man in thousand that ever
thinks of fetching candy home to his wife.
He takes 1t all with becoming self-depreca-
ton, and in view of that little package of
candy, his wife doesn't really feel like
asking him for the dress she needs
n W he hlOwS himself
cents worth of flowers to send up to his
wife in long box, and then, when he ge.s
home, she's waiting for him in the vesti-
bule to tell him that If all married men
were as thoughtful and considerable as Re
the married women on this planet ud
simply explode and go up in the air from
sheer uncomfortable happiness. The six
bits worth of flowers makes it unnecessary
for him to take her to the theater, and sc
he goes downtown the same night and has
$3.50 worth of fun with the bunch.
HE never fails to help her on and Oft the
street cars and to assist her across the
street If he happens to be walking with
her on muddy days, and. when she hap
pens to come in tired. he takes off her
shoes for her. and strokes her head when
she's got bit Of a headache, and stands
around and says real soothing things to
her when she goes upstairs to their room
to enjoy what women call a real good cry
over nothing.
Taking him as he stands, he's about az
swell d COHOlOSlSt III MS uedllHSS Will lie
| fine little wife ever hit up dirt road
But, for all that, bud, he's a selfish, mean
f7natured,. cheap man. and there's not a
man with his income In Washington who
doesn't. as 1 say, take twenty times better
care of his wife than he does
And yet, my son. these same well-cared-
for married women get together at their lit
tie star-chamber knockfests and tell eacf
other how much they miss those little del
icate attentions that their husbands used
to bestow upon them In the days when the
counting was going on, and then they sigh
a hull lot. and try the best they know how
to look like skirted persons with sad Sc
cret carking griefs."