davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-09-06

penny myself. Last night did the worst
yet I wanted something in the pantry
quite late in the evening, and as there Is
no gas there 1 lit a lamp to take IN with
me. When got inside the pantry door l
was surprised to find that I was stin IN
darkness, and on coming out again 1
had Just drawn instead of the lamp that 1
had lighted Better take something for
it, suggested the companion, sympathet-
ically.-Philadelphia Record.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-09-06

You will notice that the train that
was wrecked yesterday was numbered
10. Railroads ought not to number
any trains 10. OF course No. 1S is not
wrecked as often as some other trains.
but it serves as a warning to the super
stitious whenever it does go into the
ditch
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-09-06
HOME NEWS WHILE AWAY.

Subscribers OF the State journal
away during the summer may haN Q
Ghe paper mailed regularly each day
"a any address at the rate OF thirty
cents a month. Address changed as
often as desired. While cat OF town
tho State Journal will be to you like
q daily letter from home.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-09-06
THE MEANEsT MAN.

The meanest man on earth is the
fellow who teaches his children to steal
newspapers thrown upon his neigh
bors' porches. Do you say no one ever
did such a trick? This is where you
are mistaken. There are some mighty
onery men in this town, and the lowest
is the man who steals a paper or gets
his family to do so.-Arkansas City
Traveller.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-09-06

The day is here when grating is
looked upon the same as porch-climb-
ing and other forms of stealing in
many places. Yet in Kansas a thief
may continue to loot the public treas
ury and the officials take no steps to
punish him
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-09-06
CONVINCED.

The news columns say that Rookie
Teller is planning to Guido all former
efforts along charitable lines. A prob
able conclusion is that he is convinced
that his cash is really tainted.-Wich-
ita Beacon.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-09-06
His Idea.

Down at Chetopa, where they have
separate schools for the colored chill
dren. one of the eachers asked a little
colored boy to give sentence contain
ing the word delight" The little fell
low thought for a moment, and then
responded. de wind blew out de
ffght."-Marion Record.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-09-06

Porf1rio Diaz has been president of
Mexico twenty-five years and has ac-
cumulated a million dollars. Some of
our municipal grafters could have
made ten times as much in a fifth of
the time had they had Porfirio's oppor-
tunities.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-09-06
BARNUM WAS RIGHT.

Newport society has been sadly
Jared by the disclosure of the fact
that an astrologer of wonderful pow
ers was merely a utilizer of trif1es
picked UP here and there and reported
to him by a confederate We regard
with amusement the vulgar herd who
are anxious to hear all about their past
and to have their future peered into by
charlatans, but it appears that the up
per crust, despite its superior advan-
tages, takes as much pleasure in being
bunkoed as the silliest servant girl
San Francisco Chronicle.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-09-06

Perhaps one reason why there is not
more criticism of Senator Depew
among New York politicians is because
Chauncey is the individual who writes
out many of the railroad passes in that
state
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-09-06
JOLT FOR MR.. REEDER.

Lieutenant Governor Hanna has
given it out cold that he will, under no
circumstances, be a candidate for con-
gress; And thus another hope to have
this district represented in the national
house by man goes a glimmering.-
Hoxie Sentinel
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-09-06

We will now have an international
free-for-all debate on whether Japan
covered herself with glory by being so
magnanimous or was ingIoriously
worked.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-09-06

There is dissatisfaction in both Rus
STA and Japan over the peace terms,
but the rest of us, who had no interest
in the matter, are perfectly satisfied.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-09-06
HAD. THE STIIFF.

At BelleviIle the other day the sher-
iff took forty cases of beer and eighty
gallons of whisky and played he was
christening a whole fleet of battle
ships.-Burr Oak Herald.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-09-06

1.-The Russian army thirsts for bat
tie" says a st. Petersburg paper, but
the Washington Post thinks a typo
graphical error has been committed
and that it should have read ..bottIe.,
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-09-06

If somebody really does find the
North Pole and bring it home some
time, what will the earth do for the
north end of it's axis on which to
revolve?
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-09-06

with Reason at the helm, the good
ship Peace sailed through the break
ers," POLITICALLY says the Los Angeles
Express. Another R-Roosevelt by
name-seems to have been helping
Reason some.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-09-06

Henry Watterson says he has never
predicted that the Republicans will
win in 1908. Still there is nothing at
present to indicate that the colonel
would have fallen down as a prophet
had he stuck to the prediction.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-09-06
THAN PROPOSAL.

1t is to be hoped the sultan of Sulu
will not take the declination of his
matrimonial offer by Miss Alice so
much to heart that he will declare war
against the United States.-Hutchinson
INDEPENDENT
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-09-06

Speaking of retaining the arid
west. if the government would just
squeeze the water out of some of the
big corporations, it would furnish
enough moisture to irrigate the whole
rn1Infrv
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-09-06
KANSAS CONAENT
THEIR DAY.

and women who have lived the alllot-
ted three score years and ten do not
yearn to be young again is the day of
the annual old settlers picnic.-Salina
Union.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-09-06
A ROMANCE.

A North Atchison girl seventeen
years old has had the same steady for
three years. He has taken her to
every picnic in the summer time, every
party in the winter, and caleId on her
every evening when there was nothing
going on for three years. She has met
him down town every day during the
three years. Besides books, candy and
flowers. he has given her a diamond
pm and TWO diamond rings. The sad
ending of the romance is that the
steady gets only six dollars a week.
and as his affections engage so much
of his time, it is feared he is getting as
much as he ever will.-Atchison Globe.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-09-06

M. White is thoroughly convinced
that there is nothing like frmness,
even if he didn't expect it to win.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-09-06

1t was really the treaty of oyster
Bay. no matter what it may be called
That's where it was really made.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-09-06
HUM0R OF THE DAY

Jenks-That boss of yours tells such
pointless jokes. don't see how you can
Wise-That's easy. just wait and laugh
when he does.-Philadelphia Press.
care you the complaining witness in this
case?'' asked the judge of an old coiored
man in an assault and batter case.
that trifiin' niger could do to me. I just
come here to tell bout what he tried to
ct don't know whether my little girl is
destined to become great beauty or
why, what do you mean?''
CT have to give her nickels instead of
pennies because she says red isn't suited
Journal
That's wonderfully intelligent dog Of
Hardupp's."
What can he DOR
''Why, he bit three bill collectors last
week.'-Cleveland Plain Dealer.
Benners-Do you ever go on the merry
Jenners-No, I am on the water wagon
now.-Philadelphia Telegraph.
Noah had turned the dove loose from
the ark
Finding no resting place it had returned
Just as I expected he rnuttered.
They are still haggling over the indem-
nity.'
Putting the bird back into it's coop. he
sat down despondently to wait a while
longer--Chicago Tribune.
visitor-Do you suppose it would be
worth my while to try fishing round
Old Timer-Wal, the fshin' amt good,
but don't know how We value yer time
Life.
A mon niver quite knows whittier uts
conscience. common sense, or caution that
kapes m + from yieldin, t, +timptation; May
''You know Mr.. Miggles?' said one sum-
yes" answered the other.
He proposed to me yesterday"
HE is always doing something silly,
isn't MISREPRESENTATION Star.
"All the water we use here is boiled"
said the boarding house. land lady.
poured his. tea. You must have scorched
this. ''-1ndianapolis Star, 81 t.ee
Guest-I say. my man. how long have
you been a waiter in this cafe?
Waiter-About six months, sir.
GueSt-Ohi Then 1t can't be you that
gave my order to.-Cleveland Leader.
do you believe in the survival of the
Il don't believe in the survival of any
body. I'm an undertaken. ILLUSTRATED
Bits.
His vast expenditures in the purchase
of votes are not denied. "
''Well!''
"Of course these make him out an unfit
man to sit in the United States senate"
"You are misinformed. They by no
means impoverished him.''-Puck.
.sIs he consistent Christian Scientist?''
Absolutely. Why, he has even sold his
lot in the cemetery.
"All 1 have in the world I owe to my
wife, rnurmured the millionaire, who was
about to fail, land I guess I'D better
square up with her right now
And he proceeded to put all his posses
sions in his wifes name.-Louisville
Courier-Journal.
Balty Moore-Its gratifying to know the
investigators are going to the bottom Of
these big insurance companies.
Calvert, Jr.-But they'd find good
deal more corruption II they'd probe to
the top.-Baltimore American.
Are those new people next door rich7''
"Rich! Well, L should say so. They
have two automobiles, and one OF 'em is
at the repair shop all the time. Boston
Herald.
'Bwains will tell, doncher Know" said
young Sapleigh.
Then there is no danger of you ever be-
traying a secret" rejoined Miss Cutting.
Chicago News.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-09-06

Another American demonstrated
some time ago that he comes mighty
near being first in war and first in the
hearts of his countrymen, and now he
has also demonstrated that he is first
in nnace.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-09-06

We began to think of coal bills in
earnest Monday morning.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-09-06

incidentally the car will now have
more time and money to look after
afairs at Warsaw and LODI.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-09-06
Tbev Drowned the waterfall.

William Dean HOWeIIS has a low,
musical voice, and he hates loud voices
in women. Mr.. HowellS sometimes
tells a story in illustration of the shrill
power that is too often to be noted
in the feminine voices in America.
A guide, this story runs, came to a
western hotel to lead party OF tour
lists to great waterfall. In stout
boots the party set out, and for two
hours assembled winding and pleas
ant road.
eve are nearly there now" the
guide said at last, and with revived
spirits the tourists pressed on
How much farther, guide2" asked.
little later, a young man whose boots
were tight.
"Only a step more, sir was the
answer. "As soon as the ladies stop
talking you will hear the roar. Los
Angeles Times.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-09-06
ERON OTHER PENS
A TEAM.

Miss Tarbell and Tom Lawson, in a
vaudeville sketch, entitled Dripping
regulations Up the Back might
Seattle Times.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-09-06
FULL LEASED WIRE REPORT
OF THE ASSOCIATED PRESS

The State Journal Is a member of the
Associated Press and receives the full day
telegraph report Of that great news or
ganizakion for exclusive afternoon publ
aafion III Topeka.
nal building over TEiTea for This sole pIIr-
pose
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-09-06
At HOME.

1t is reported that Senator Warner,
of Missouri, walks and talks in his sleep.
average session of the senate.-Balti-
more Sun
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-09-06
FUNSTON.

There may be nothing in a name but
there is something in a habit Since
the lola episode ex-Congressman Fun
Ston's friends call him the "Grand Old
Man" while the other fellows call him
Fog Horn" just as in those strenuous
days gone by.-Manhattan Nationalist.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-09-06
IN POLITE BOSTON.

The question of the hour is how to
eat corn on the cob in Washington
streets quick lunch shops without lab
bling your elbows in the eyes of other
patrons.-Boston Herald.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-09-06
Had Adventures.

you say you have sailed the seas,
man and boy, for 40 years?" he queried
of the old sailor
Yes, sir, 40 years.
You must have had many startling
adventures in that timer
81 have, sir"
TELL me of some of them
well, sir, on a voyage from Ceylon
to Liverpool 1 dropped my pipe over
board and didn't have another smoke for
Al days.
81 don't think there is anything very
startling about that
well, then, in going from London to
Australia once the crew had no plug to-
bacco for five months"
But that was simply a deprivation"
Il see. Then let me say that on a
voyage from Liverpool to New York the
mate hauled off and. hit me crack with
a Delaying pin. If it's anything more
startling you want you must talk with
some one who has padded around in a
canoe M. Quad.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-09-06
Secretary Taft,s Siesta.

That Secretary of War Taft is not
always ponderously dignified in public
is now evident. He actually went to
sleep while listening to lecture.
Ward Copley, the young Detroit at
torney now with the Taft party on
their way to the Philippines on the
steamship Manchuria. saw Secretary
Taft, the lid holder commit this
offense Every afternoon lectures
were given in the little music room
aboard ship, on the conditions which
prevail in our new possessions. On
July II, Col. c. B. Edwards, L. S. A,
was lecturing on the improvements to
be made in Manila.
The boat had a very restful motion
with no rocking, a condition which is
made possible by bilge keels. Secre-
tary Taft had a comfortable chair with
a reclining back.
ST would like to ask the secretary
question: said Senator Nathan B.
Scott, rising. OF course, everybody
looked at the secretary. He was doing
peacefully in his steamer chair. 1t
was some time before he reused. When
he did he laughed as heartily as the
rest-Detroit Journal.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-09-06
BENT MURDoCK's VIEW.

People pronounce it Hook, Hoach,
ttowk: Hook and many other ways. 1t
is spelled Hoch and is pronounced
Hoax.-ElDorado Republican.
NO INTEGRITY GUARANTEED
The Portsmouth conference guaran-
tees the integrity of China. That is
more than the Topeka conference did
for Kelly.-Parsons Sun.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-09-06

"All the water we use here is boiled"
said the boarding house land lady.
+'Ah!'i said the heartless wretch as he
poured his tea. You must have scorched
this. Indianapolis Star. 49,
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-09-06

A mon niver quite knows whittier uts
conscience, common sense, or caution that
kapes m from yieldin' t. temptation. May
be, uts all av thim.-Baltimore American.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-09-06

''You know Mr.. Miggles?" said one sum-
mer girl.
YES, J." answered the other.
HE proposed to me yesterday
HE is always doing something silly
isn't he?'-Washington Star.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-09-06

Guest-I say, my man, how long have
you been a waiter in this cafe?
Waiter-About six months, sir.
Question:! Then it can't be you that
gave my order to.-Cleveland Leader.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-09-06

Visitor-Do you suppose it would be
here?
Old Timer-Wal, the fishin' amt good,
but don't know how We value yer time
Life.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-09-06

ct don't know whether my little girl is
destined to become great beauty or
future Chadwick"
why, what do you meant"
CT have to give her nickels instead of
pennies because she says red isn't suited
to her complexion. louisville Courier
Journal.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-09-06

"All 1 have in the world I owe to my
wife" rnurmured the millionaire, who was
about to fail, land I guess I'D better
square up with her right now
And he proceeded to put all his posses
sions in his wife's name.-Louisville
Courier-JouruaI
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-09-06

Balty Moore-It's gratifying to know the
investigators are going to the bottom OF
these big insurance companies.
Calvert, Jr.-But they'd find good
deal more corruption If they'd probe to
the tOp.-BaltimOre American.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-09-06

do you believe in the survival of the
fittest?'
II don't believe in the survival of any
body. I'm an undertaken. ILLUSTRATED
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-09-06

care you the complaining witness in this
case?' asked the judge of an old coloreo
man in an assault and batter case.
NO sir, amt complainin' bout nothin'
that trifiin' niger could do to me. just
come here to tell bout what he tried to
do to me.''-Atlanta Constitution
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-09-06

.sIs he consistent Christian scientist?'
Absolutely. Why, he has even sold his
lot in the cemetery."-Life.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-09-06

That's a wonderfully intelligent dog Of
Hardupps."
What can he do?"
why he bit three bill collectors last
week''-Cleveland Plain Dealer.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-09-06

Jenks-That boss of yours tells such
pointless jokes. 1 don't see how you can
tell when to laugh.
Wise-That's easy I just wait and laugh
when he does.-Philadelphia Press.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-09-06

His vast expenditures in the purchase
of votes are not denied"
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-09-06
Diplomacy i'm Marriage.

Chicago News.
The Guthrie daily leader. [volume] (Guthrie, Okla.) 1893-1996, 1905-09-15
'urnIshcd aaIy by J. + Kerr. dealer
llvt Hls feelinals.-

A NANCY dog with a stump tail wan
deeea into the lobby. OF the Eu.a~
House and looked about for shelter.
lie finally selected the big rubber tree
in the front OF tne house. and went
over and sat down coolly. He looked
almost ready to warble "Under the
Rnhber Tree
Front" said Wells, clerk, chase
the barker hence!"
Front started after the comfortable
canine. Mr. Doggle saw him comi s.
lie waited until Front was within a
few rect of him and then made dive
between his legs and bolted for the Jar.
Ten minutes later Weus happened 20
lock toward the rubber tree, and there
was the dog licking his chops upcon-
celnedly.
'FRONT.'" he shouted pursue ths
ANIMAL"
front made another Wild break fer
the unwelcoue lobby loafer Alr Dog
s.e gave him another chance. then slid
through 60 freedom and bolted into the
street oy way o. the barber shop ln
ave minutes he was back agail, sitting
under the rubber tree and looking per
fectly happy.
"Froat," cried Wells. "iocclno-e dlat
lDute this time. and Keep him there.
Frort had about as much chance Of
Ecitlpg that dog out for good as Parker
bad OF being counted 80, but he tried il
asain and Mr. Dogeie dashed oul by
the baltimore street han entrance
Two minutes later he was there agIln,
smiingly surveying the corridors
let him stay darn hint SAID
Wells. disgustediy
lne dos looked up with a panied eX-
precision of surprise, then deliberately
turned tail and walked with digmty in
to rhe street. He hasn't been seen
since and Wells says aowthat the way
10 drive a dog out is 70 insult him. -
Baltimore News.
The Guthrie daily leader. [volume] (Guthrie, Okla.) 1893-1996, 1905-09-15
win Conclude Association
Games for 1905.
wssrses ASSOCIATION.

The las game of leaglc baseball OUR
ing the season OF 1905 played y,s-
tyrday at Electric park between the sen-
ators and the Joplin Miners. Wbs an n-
glorious spectacle Thore had been q
prior agreement between the managers
Of The two taams to cGi the game At 315
O'Clock 20 allow the visitors 10 catch
the northbound Santa Fe train and when
Joplin, IN the hrst few innilgs gDt on
to the good. the Senators tried through
poor playing, TO proong the game wltlie
on the ether band. the Joplin players
We're equally anxious TO finish the i've
innings necessary TO make a game. r.
consequence the exhibition wis a burr
icsaue affair the story Of which Is more
nttineiy portrayed iu the error column.
Afize the Senators new recruit Ia the
pitching department was again ia the
box
The Senators left this mornlng for ok
lahoma city where Tie last three ganies
of the season win be played c2ncludins
sunuay when, it IS predicted, ai le.lst
1000 Guthrie fans will be ia attendance
The score.
The Guthrie daily leader. [volume] (Guthrie, Okla.) 1893-1996, 1905-09-15
eatarrh Cannot be CURED

with LOCAL APPLICATIONS. as they
cannot reach the seat OF the disease.
Catarrh is a blood OF constitutional di-
sease. and m order to cure Il you must
take internal remedies. FIail's catarrh
Cure Is taken internally aRd acts direct
~ on the blood and mucous surfaoes.
Halls Catarrh Cure Is not a quack medi-
cine. II WAS prescribed by one OF the
best physicians In this country for years
and Is a regular prescription. Il Is COM
posed OF the best tones known. combined
with the best blood purifiers. acting di-
rectly on tse mucous surfaces. The pre-
feet combination ~ the two ingredients
Is what produces such wonderful results
in curing Cltauh. Send for testimonials
free.
d. j. cHANEY. 4 CO, Props. Toledo. O.
sold by prnegisis, price 75c.
Take Halrs Family Pills for constipation.
The Guthrie daily leader. [volume] (Guthrie, Okla.) 1893-1996, 1905-09-15
A TRYING POSITION.
Guthrie Readers Viii Appreciate this
Advice

A constant itching tries your pa
dencc.
Nothing 80 annoying; nothing so ir-
ritatins as itching Piles o. Eczema.
To scratch the irritation makes il
worse;
TO leave Il along means misery.
Some Guthrie citizens can tell YOU
no VITO be free from these troubles.
You are at liberty to send anyone TO
me for minuter particulars Of my con
ditioa before used Doan's Ointment
aud for a personal corroboration OF
this fact That eminent procured al
J n. ws;lace's drug store cured me
Of itching aud protudiag hemorrhoids
one Of many attacks which had an
moved me for over a quarter Of cen
tury I honestly think that the first
application gave relief. A oontinua-
tion Of the treatment absolutely
cured"
For sale By al dealers Price 50
cents Foster-Aiiiburn Co, Buffalo,
New York sole agents for the United
States.
Repewbef the paps poan's and
tpl'e ~ peheF