Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1905-12-21

wagon in pas charge. near the monkey
cage, while they went to see the hip
popotamus. Pa is the most accom-
modating man about holding babies
that ever was. The baby was asleep
when it's folks LETT it in the wagon with
pa, but it woke up while they were
gone. and pa took it out of the baby
wagon and carried it around just as
he would at home. and showed it the
animals, and held it up on his shoul-
der, and / took the little monkey and
put it in the baby wagon, and it went
to sleep, and l put a veil over it, and
was standing by the wagon talking
with a peanut butcher, when the par
ents of the baby came back, and the
woman raised up the veil to see if the
child was asleep. when the monkey
woke up and put its hairy hands UP to
rub its eyes. The monkeys looked
up at the woman with beady eyes and
began to chatter, and she yelled ana
her husband took a look at the monk,
and he vas mad. They could both see
it was a monkey instead of a baby,
and they asked where the old man with
the chin whiskers was that they left
the baby with, and the peanut butcher
said: What, that old guy with the
checkered vest? Why, he has gone
with the baby over to the lion cage,
where they are feeding the lions. Don't
you see him holding the baby upon
his shoulder" By ginger. l never saw
two people sprint the way they did,
cause l guess they thought pa was
sure crazy, and would give the baby
to the lions. But l told them the old
man was all right, and would bring
the baby back, and if he didn't they
could have the monkey, cause | didn't
want them to think they were going to
be losers while attending III show.
Then l chucked the monkey under the
chin and said: Maybe this is your
baby, cause they change wonderfully
when they get into a show"
Well, l just had time to put the mon
key back in the cage when l saw that
couple surround pa, and the woman
grabbed the baby out of his arms, and
the man tackled pa around the legs be-
low the knee, and threw pa down I'M
der the ostrich cage, and said: you
kidnaper! l am a good mind to choke
the life out of you," and he squeezed
pas windpipe until pas tongue run
out, when a canvasman came along
and hit the man in the ear, and he
laid down near a zebra, and the zebra
kicked at the man and hit pa, 'cause g
zebra is cross-eyed and kicks like q
woman throws a stone, and no mar
knows where it listeth.
Pa got up to murder the man thai
choked him, when the ostrich reached
it's head out between the bars of the
a g and picked pas big diamond stu
off his shirt, big as a piece of rocl
candy, and swallowed it, and pa salt
that's the limit, and he called tn
manager and asked him how he wa
going to get his diamond stud out o
the ostrich. The manager told p:
to go to the dressing room and ask tn
woman who has charge of the ward
robe for the ostrich stomach pump
and when he got the stomach pump tn
manager said the ostrich would cougl
I'D the diamond stud. Pa went OF
to the dressing oom to get tn
ostrich stomach pump, and l kneS
there was going to be trouble, 'caus
thought the manager was just string
ing pa. i.
Well. he went up to the woman |
the dressing room, and said he cam
after her stomach pump, ostrich sizt
and you'd a died to see the ructioI
The woman looked at pa as though b
had escaped from a sanltarium, an
then she seemed to think he was try
ing to make game of her, and she said
l You old skate, do you know who 20
l have the honor of addressing | al
the queen of this realm, and they a
kow-tow to me; now you come an
T take your medicine" and before p
could say boo she had pulled a pl
clothes bag over his head and tied
around his feet, and said: Come OF
girls, we are going to have roaste
missionary" and they were lighting
gasoline torch to roast pa, when tn
owner of the show came along an
asked what was up. When the var
robe woman told him pa had insulte
her, the owner gave her $40 to ou
champagne for the performers an
she released pa, and he went back
choke his diamond out of the ostrlcI
Pa says this life is more exciting,
anything, than staying at home, and
will either kill him or cure him OF
desire to be a Barnum in about
month more.
No., W., Vonyu