New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1905-05-19
MY FAMILY

I am a parsonage OF note
Ask any who knows.
I the poetess who wrote
The Reading Of the Rose"
I'm feted much abroad.
Whate'er do-aye, there's the rub
My family won't be awed!
I have a soul serene and sweet
And feminine. though strong;
My instinct is naive and neat
And other souls often aid
They write and tell
My family ne'er Will know!
Nv conversation sparkles with
An effervescing witt
My sentences have point and pith,
My fancies fairly fit.
Extemporaneous wisdom flows
In torrents from my tongue,
And yet no admiration CLOVIS
In those dwell among!
RecitaIs nj Delmonicos
And read my lines-selectng those
That are most apt to live
My ticket list I show.
My family-in stage aside
viii anybody go?'
OF course, I know that am great,
Who could most confidently state
Abroad the lion I may be.
AT home the lamb;
VIII no one tell tell my family
Smart Set
Thomas B. Reed, when Speaker Of the House of
Representatives, once went into unfamiliar bar
Der shop in Washington to be shaved. When tho
negro barber had about finished he began to try
TO sell hair tonic
Hair purity thin. suh." he said lingering the
two three stray locks that fringed Mr.. Reeds
bald pate; been that way long. suh7"
81 was born that way replied Reed. After
ward I enjoyed a brief period Of hirsute ef1ores-
cence. but It did not endure"
The barber gasped and said 10 more. Later some
one told him he had shaved the Speaker
"speakah" he exclaimed. Don 1 know dat? I
should say he speakah. 'nuf!"
IN NASHUA
sprgntXy ~ yoT {54or 1e a b IN NASHUA
Cried loudly: "Ha ha.
Bring pate de foie gras."
And disdainfunY Tnotioned the nashua.
Congressman Morreu. of Philadelphia in an ad-
dress to the National Guardsmen. told story Illus
tratng the complications Of civil and military life
in the citizen soldiery. Mr. Morren colonel
Of the Sd Pennsylvania He said
My regiment was marching down Broad-st., in
the Of immense and magnificent parade
when near Walnut-st. it became necessary to push
the people back little The ropes had broken at
this point. and the people. quite Internationally
encroached on the line of the parade.
Il assigned a handful of young privates to help
the police handle the crowd. and one private.
toned me. kept my eye He got every
body back except a fat man. This person did not
move
Private said I. put that fat man back
He says he can't get back. the crowd is push
ing So the private answered
Put your nusket butt in his chest. said l. and
force him back You the stronger
Yes said the private know I'm the stronger.
but he's the foreman of our shop.
Fuddy-Burgess says you're a fool
Duddy--So | am, from his point of view. That's
what makes me SO proud of myseh-(Boston Tran
script.
The will of Mrs. Margaret Thompson, which is
land is a tribute to the delights and consultations
OF snuff. The testatrix directed that in her coffin
should be buried with her all hec handkerchiefs
and sufficient of the best Scotch snuI cover her
body. This she preferred flowers, nothing
could he more fragrant and so refreshing me as
that precious powder" Further. the six greatest
snuftakers in the parish OF st. James, Westminster
were TO be her bearers. Six old maids each bear
ing in her hand a box filled with the best Scotch
snuff to teke for their refreshment they walked
were boar the pail. Before the corpse the
minister to walk. carrying and partaklng
of pound OF snuff At every twenty yards
handful Of snuff to be delivered to tho by
ISLANDERS, and the door Of the testatrix's house
were To be placed bushels of the quality
of snun for gratuitous distribution In order TO
insure the carrying of her wishes the testarix
made the egacies given by the will dependent upon
an exact and literal fuIhlment of the conditions
above named. In closing she bade all concerned
to regard SNUFF the grand cordial OF nature
HUSBAND ION his wedding tour)-I want rooms for
myself and wife.
Hotel Clerk (politeyy-Suite?
Angry HuShand--Of she is; perfectly
loyelys TIT sweetest girl in Engandr-cThs Tat