davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The progress., 1905-02-25
His Occupation.

Jones-What business are you in now!
Smith, am in the meat business.
Jones (incredulously) y)-Where is your
shop?
ham in an advertising sandwich Mime
apois Times
The progress., 1905-02-25
He'd Been There.

Passenger Ito bus driver) Which are
the courts of justice?
| Bus Driver-Dunno.
Passenger-What! not know where
the law courts are?
Bus Driver Oh! them's the law
courts over there, but you said courts
of justice.-Ally Sloper.
The progress., 1905-02-25

One New York actor hit another over
the head with a real ak, instead of the
property weapon provided for the stunt.
An actor occasionally meets the desires
and expectations of the audience. Wash
ington Post.
The progress., 1905-02-25

II never become angry because a man
does not think quite as / do" remarked
the professor; "for when ] find a man
who disagrees with me l realize that it is
probably with difficulty that he thinks
at all Judge.
The progress., 1905-02-25
lacked LAWYERS Facility.

Lawyer to Witness-Never mind what
you think, we want facts here. Tell us
where you first met this man.
Woman Witness-Can't answer it. II
the court doesn't care to hear what l
think, there's no use questioning me, for
| am not a lawyer and can't talk with
out thinking. Commercial Bul-
letin
The progress., 1905-02-25
HUMOROUS cULLINas.

'He said was tall and willowy," re-
marked the girl who likes fiattery. DO
you think l look like a willow tree?"
mo; you look like chestnut" re-
torted the savage young man in the loud
vest.
The progress., 1905-02-25
Would Give Up.

Papa-What,,
Daughter wish to marry the duke
Papa-Well, I'll give up!
Daughter-Iknewyou would. you dear
old pepper you, but the duke wants to
know how much?-Houston Post.
The progress., 1905-02-25
A Conversation.

A Conversation.
He lost HIS head"
mol"
'The clamor took him off his feet
Resigned"
Eyes; it was the only way he could
save his neck. He hadn't leg left
to stand on"
rs he thought to be short?"
"Oh, no!"-Puck.
The progress., 1905-02-25
Shadows Murmur

"He talks a great deal about his family
tree"
-"Yes," answered Miss Cayenne. "A
family tree is much like other trees. The
smallest twigs do the most rustling."-
Washington Star.
The progress., 1905-02-25

"Why did your cook leave SO sud
denly?"
"She baked two cakes last Saturday
-one for us and one to take to her mar
ried sister. When she wasn't looking
l exchanged them, and took for our
own use the one she had intended to give
away. Royal Magazine.
The progress., 1905-02-25

A self-made man has an idea that if he
had gone to college he would have been
much more of q success, and college
man that if he hadn't he might have
been much less of failure.-N. Y. Press.
The progress., 1905-02-25
An Appalling Suggestion.

Il wonduh why Santa Claus uses a
reindeer" said Pickaninny Jim.
WELL" answered Nanny Brown, Il
specks mebbe a mule would be
cheaper"
"Yes. But goodness Lor'. nanny.
S'pos'n dat mule was to take a notion
to Washington Star.
The progress., 1905-02-25
Mortimer-Pve saved a great deal
this month by not smoking.
Margaret-Where is it now?
Mortimer don't know; it's just
saved.-Chicago News.
Strange Man.

She was a grand cookologist,
And her glad hub displayed
Great pride in her because her bread
Was not like mother made.
Houston Post
The progress., 1905-02-25

my DEAR" said Jack Flatterby, who
thought he saw a Christmas touch"
coming, you grow more beautiful every
day. You remind me Of Greek god
dess."
Il ought to" retorted Mrs. Flatterby,
Indignantly. ''Since I've been married
I've had just about as few clothes."-
Louisville Courier-Journal.
The progress., 1905-02-25

The way to have broken down Jobs
patience would have been to let some
body else in the family have the boils
and complain to him about them.-N. Y.
Press
The progress., 1905-02-25

Piso's Cure for Consumption is an infalli-
BILE medicine for coughs and colds.-N. w.
Samuel, Ocean Grove, N. j., Feb. IL, 1900.
The progress., 1905-02-25

Laugh at another mans jokes and he
will laugh with you; spring one of your
own and you laugh alone.-Philadelphia
Telegraph.
The progress., 1905-02-25

1t is better to have dollar bill in your
pocket than lot of them on margins
N. Y. Press.
The progress., 1905-02-25

The purchaser Of the horse rushed
back to the dealer in anything but q
peaceful mood.
Take back this beast" he demanded.
At the same time brushing the mud from
his hair.
What Is the matter?" said the sur
prised dealer. Didn't tell you this
horse was not afraid Of automobiles"
That's just the trouble. He wasn't
afraid of them and almost every one we
met ran into him."
The progress., 1905-02-25
Some Hope.

Editor-Yes, there is vacancy on
our staff. What experience have you
had?
Applicant was once editor of a
college weekly.
"Humph! Did you give satisfac-
tion?"
mo; | was kicked out"
Take that desk there. IN. Y.
Weekly.
The progress., 1905-02-25

Fair Eloper-What makes you think
we are safe?
Her Lover-Your father is chasing
us in an utomobile.-Los Angeles
Herald.
The progress., 1905-02-25

A st. Louis physician says there is no
such thing as "a new woman" Well, the
old style, to use a campaign phrase, us
good enough for us."-N- Y. Herald.
The progress., 1905-02-25
ALL DONE OUT.

Veteran Joshua Heller, Of 7o6 South
Walnut Street. Urbana, H., says; "ln
the fall of 1899 after taking Doans
The progress., 1905-02-25

Truth is mighty and will prevail-after
a political campaign. Daily News.
The progress., 1905-02-25
What It's Like
Ks like a SUCCESS. eh 2,

81 see that New York's subway car
ried nearly 100000 passengers it's
first month"
The progress., 1905-02-25

To Cure a Cold in One Day
Take Laxative Bromo Quinine Tablets. AL
druggists refund the money if it fails to cure.
z. w. Groves signature 10 ON each box. 2oc.
The progress., 1905-02-25
A Guaranteed Cure for Piles.

Itching, Blind. Bleeding or Protruding Piles.
Your druggist will refund money if PAzo
OINTMENT fails to cure in 9 to IA days. 60c.
The progress., 1905-02-25
The Wrong End.

1.-THE bride, l understand. will not
come down the aisle on her fathers
arm
mo, papa arm-now takes rest. But
there is something funny in your sug-
gestion.'
How SOP"
The progress., 1905-02-25

why, they say that when the BRIDE
groom asked papa for the bride he left
the house on papa's foot. Smiths
Weekly.
The progress., 1905-02-25
The Limitations Of Our Language.

Tact is no name for it. She's had
the same housemaid for nearly two
years. .r-Cbicago Record Herald.
The progress., 1905-02-25

"Ah, good morning. Chesterfield"
said the M. D. How are you this morn
fnQ7"
The progress., 1905-02-25

''I'm sorry to say" rejoined the polite
Chesterfield, that I'm feeling remark.
ably we'll this morning"
The progress., 1905-02-25

1T looks like success, eh?''
Yes. It's just like picking up
money under the street"-Chicago
Journal
The progress., 1905-02-25

In the heart Of the great pine forest
we found the old man sitting by his
cabin door.
But it is SO quiet here" we said, 1T
is a wonder you don't feel lonesome"
The old man dropped his corncob in
his astonishment.
Quiet, did you sAy7 Why, boss. l
hab wife, q mule en- phonograph."
The progress., 1905-02-25

Simply as guides we suggest for or
Ginsry soil in fair condition about the
following.
Fitzgerald enterprise. (Fitzgerald, Ga.) 1895-1912, 1905-10-21
SUNDAY SCHOOL CONVENTION
Of Little River Baptist Associ-
alton, to be Held in Fitz-
gerald, Oct. 27-8-9.

Following is the program OF
the Sunday School Convention of
the southern division of the Lit
tie River Baptist Association, to
be held with the First Baptist
church of Fitzgerald, Friday,
Saturday and Sunday, Oct. IL,
% and 90, 1905.
FRIDAY, OCT. II.
1. Invocation-R. V. Paulk.
2. Definition and History of
the Sunday School.-C. J. Bus
sell.
3. The Organization of the
Sunday School-Rev. J. T. Lee.
4. The Sunday School and the
Home-T. G. Davis.
S. The Sunday School and the
Church-Rev. w. ]. Barton.
SATURDAY, OCT. %.
/. Invocation-Rev. Jas. Bish-
op.
z. The Qualifications of the
Sunday School Teacher-D. B.
Jay.
3. The Preparation of the
Sunday School Teacher-Rev. B.
T. Mansfield.
4. The Responsibility of the
Sunday School Teacher-Rev. C..
T. Greer.
S. The Sunday School Teach
er's Methods-Rev. J. A. Tom
berlin.
6. Our Problems and How to
Solve Them-Rev. ]. I. Oxford.
SATURDAY NIGHT, OCT. IS.
i. Invocation-Rev. J. E. Tay-
1or.
2. How to Get Pupils for the
Sunday School,. w. Rod well.
3. How to Hold Them-Rev.
J. R. Ballanger.
4. Benefits the Pupil Should
Obtain-Col. l.. Kennedy.
SUNDAY, OCT. %.
Sunday School Rally-Speak-
ers to be provided.
Fitzgerald enterprise. (Fitzgerald, Ga.) 1895-1912, 1905-10-21
"WET" OR DRY"
Six Candidates for Aldern1e
OF Cordele Announce.
From the Cordele Journal

From the Cordele Journal.
Messrs. G.. B. Wilkes, e. 81
Lasseter, B. HI. Palmer, w. b
Marshall, T. P. Busbee and y.
M. Cox have announced for Al
dermen of Cordele, subject q
the primary November IS, next
The call for the primary wa
issued on Monday of this week
and all six candidates announced
on Tuesday.
AS announced in the Journa
last week, there is still consider
able talk as to whether the var
rious candidates will assert them
selves as favoring prohibitions
and allow Corde1e to continue tG
grow without the presence of the
''barroom" or the "dispensary.
This talk is not confined to the
men, but the ladies' have met and
decided to take a hand only if the
issue is raised, but hope it win
not be raised. They do not care
which three candidates are elect
ed, so they are for prohibition.
It is said that the three frs
named candidates have planted
themselves as absolutely for
prohibition" and it is sincerely
hoped that when the last three
who were nominal1y in the race
first, Announce their position
that they too will be against the
baaroom" and also against the
dispensary." The whisky ques-|
ton should not be an issue, and
the public feels that it is wit
the candidates themselves to OF
pose ''barrooms" and "dispen
sary," not only as an issue in TIL
aldermanic race, but to oppos
whiskey in this or any other wa
in Cordele, if elected. s
Now, the Journal has been GER
sured by two or three dispen
saryites for injecting the whis
key question into town politics.
as they term it. They woul
prefer for us to remain ASLEEP
They would prefer that the pro
his wake up after too late.
Fitzgerald enterprise. (Fitzgerald, Ga.) 1895-1912, 1905-10-21
Why Irwin County's License
Bill Did Not Become a Law

l. failed to become a Law, not
because it was unconstitutionalas
some ccntended, nor by reason
of opposition by the saloon men
and few of their intermediate
friends, for the Bill passed the
Lower House and went to the
Senate for consideration; was re-
ferred to the Com mittee on Tenn
parauce, and that Com mittee will
ing to make favorable report pro-
vided the Bill was constitutional
referred it to a Special Commit
tee of Three Attorneys, who
were to investigate that feature
of the opposition. After due in
vestigation the Special Commit
tee reported that they thought
the Bill constitutional; whereupon
the Temperance Committee of
the Senate sent the Bill back to
the Senate favorably reported. 1t
was read second time in the
Senate, but before putting the
bill on its passage, some of my
friends called my attention to the
fact that the exact caption of eve
ry local Bill must be advertised.
I had not complied with the
Law at this point, therefore, to
pass the Bill under those circum-
stances would give the Liqvor Ad-
vocates grounds to take the High
License Law into the courts and
rather than run any risk of have.
ing the measure set aside by the
Courts, I decided to withdraw
this Bill, but if I am PERMITTED to
live and serve as Irwin S Repre-
sentative in 1906, will introduce
a similar Bill, properly advertised
and I know of no reason why the
Bill will fail to pass, and if it does,
I will have it go into effect Aug.
1st, 1906. This oversight is
source of regret to me that I have
not words strong enough to ex.
press.
Your Public Servant,
B. E. Wilcox.
Fitzgerald enterprise. (Fitzgerald, Ga.) 1895-1912, 1905-10-21
Harley Jay.

Married at Valdosta Thursday
morning, Miss Bessie Harley to
Col Clayton Jay. Probably no
mar, iage in this com mupity, has
aroused more interest than has
this union of two of the best
known and most popular young
people in this section.
The bride is the very estim-
able daughter of Mr. and Mrs J..
H. Harley who moved from this
place to Valdosta little more
than a year ago. No young
lady stands higher than she did
with all the people who knew
her.
Col Jay, the groom, son of Col.
D. B. Jay, is Fitzgerald's young
est attorney bright, energetic,
honorable and stra1gttor ward In
all his transactions, taken to-
gether with the young woman he
has chosen for a life partner, the
future is indeed bright for him.
They arrived in the city Thurs
day night and were greeted by
number of young ladies and
gentlemen who had learned in
some mysterious way of the
event which had been kept Sc
cret until about the hour for the
ceremony.
They will make their home for
the present with the grooms
father Co. D. B. Jay
Fitzgerald enterprise. (Fitzgerald, Ga.) 1895-1912, 1905-10-21
At Central Methodist Church,
Sunday, II a. m.

Following a series of prayer
meetings conducted this week
lsy the Mission Societies Of the
Central Methodist Church, Rev.
B. E. Wilcox will discuss the
Mission Situation in Fitzgerald,
Sunday, Il a. m. Let the mem
bers and friends of the cause
a ttend these services on Sunday.
w. L. WooTTEN. P. C.
Fitzgerald enterprise. (Fitzgerald, Ga.) 1895-1912, 1905-10-21
To the City Pastors.

Ministers of the city churches
are hereby called to meet at the
Central Methodist church, Mon
day, Oct. q, ga. "a, in the in
terest of Minister'S Alliance.
New pastors urged to be on
hand.
w. l.. WoorTEN,
Pres. Minister'S Alliance,
Fitzgerald enterprise. (Fitzgerald, Ga.) 1895-1912, 1905-10-21

Bring your cotton to the Phe1|
tx Warehouse the big stone war
house up town. They give yos
correct weights and the top q
the market.
Fitzgerald enterprise. (Fitzgerald, Ga.) 1895-1912, 1905-10-21
Notice.

Roanoke school patrons will
take notice that school will begin
next Monday, October 23rd.
A. HI. K1MLER,
Pres. Board Trustees.
Fitzgerald enterprise. (Fitzgerald, Ga.) 1895-1912, 1905-10-21
Benevolent Society Meeting.

There will be called meeting
of the Benevolent Society, Octo.
Der 9th, at 3 o'clock. Ali the
members are requested to be
present at the Baptist Church.
BY order of
PRESIDENT.
The Daytona gazette=news. (Daytona, Fla.) 1901-1922, 1905-12-23

Who is the most beautiful and popular
Florida girlf
Christmas morning contest will COM
mence, to be conducted by the Jackson
vile Times Union, to determine who is
the most popular and beautiful girl in
Florida. The contest will close at mid
night, January IL.
The young lady selected, with her
chaperon, will come to DaytOna and
crown whoever makes the fastest time
| in the International Automobile Tourna-
ment, the speed king of the world.
While here. the expenses Of the young
lady and her thaperOn, will he paid by
he Timcs-U Union, and they will he en-
f,ertained by the Florida East Coast Au-
| .omObile Association.
| The Times-Union will also give q
me thousand dollar trophy to the win
ner of the two-mile-a-minute race.
The design Of the trophy is as follows
The Daytona gazette=news. (Daytona, Fla.) 1901-1922, 1905-12-23
Prosperous and Happy.

At Day tOna there is every indication
of progress. Building operations in and
around that city this fall have been very
good, and the indications are that the
town is on an era of great prosperity.
Many handsome residences have recently
been completed. and there are no less
than a dozen homes Of handsome archi-
lecture under course of construction.
These residences vary in price from
$1,000 to $4,000, and they are being
fitted up in elegant style, cOmmensu-
rate with the progress of DaytOna.-
Florida Sun.
The Daytona gazette=news. (Daytona, Fla.) 1901-1922, 1905-12-23
ROBBERS AGAIN At WORK.
Williams Store ut Seabreeze Rob
bed.-Thief Enters Daytona
Home end Takes Booty.

A bold thief entered house on South
Palmetto avenue at an early hour Sat-
urday, and was successful in getting
away with handsome diamond ring
and $40 in bills:
The burglar made his way through a
window on the first floor of the house
by breaking the blind. In his operations
he made some confusion, which awak-
ened the occupants. The man, however,
jumped out Of the window while the
owner Of the place was within a few
inches of having him within his grasp.
The police force have the matter in
charge, and are endeavoring to locate a
clue upon which to work.
The Daytona gazette=news. (Daytona, Fla.) 1901-1922, 1905-12-23

T. B. Chiffon, of New Smyrna, was in
~ city Sunday.
The Daytona gazette=news. (Daytona, Fla.) 1901-1922, 1905-12-23

When neighbOrs talk about themselve
And blow as neighbOrs blow,
Just keep your cOunsels to yourself
Don't let them know you know.
When e'er you meet man who talks,
Puts on lot of show,
AlthO' he's empty as gOurd-
Don't let him know you know.
You'll find lot of tricks and shams
In life, both high and low,
But when you read a rascals mind,
Don't let him know you know.
For things are never as they SEEM
II you want friends, go slow,
Whate'er the faults the Others have,
Don't let them know you know.
The Daytona gazette=news. (Daytona, Fla.) 1901-1922, 1905-12-23

George A. Rowe was in Titusville re-
Gently and purchased a two masted
hOusebOat from Peter Nelson of that
place. He will have the hOusebOat
hauled on the ways at Titusville, and
have an engine pdR in the craft. Charles
Walter, of Stapleton, N. ", accompanied
Mr.. Rowe on his purchasing trip to tt
tusville.
The Daytona gazette=news. (Daytona, Fla.) 1901-1922, 1905-12-23
Oaytona ID Humping.

The Miami Metropolis says: little
.Daytona, our up the coast neighbor, is
q humping. Over one hundred build
ings, at an aggregate cost of $282, Dos,
were erected there during the past year.
That's pretty good, and the Metropolis
hopes the next year will see the number
Of buildings doubly or more increased.
The Daytona gazette=news. (Daytona, Fla.) 1901-1922, 1905-12-23
GRlND ARMY OF THE REPUBLIC.
Joe Hooker Post Elects Officers on
Saturday Evening.-Camp Fire
Scheduled For January.

Saturday Evening.-Camp Fire
Scheduled For January.
Joe Hooker Post No. 9, Grand Army
of the Republic, held meetin Satur-
day evening, at which the ann al cleo
ton of officers took place.
For four consecutive years. have the
same officers served and thehwere again
unanimously elected. Following are the
offers:
Commander-G. H. Matthews.
Senior Vice Commander-G. p. Bal
Tough.
Junior Vice COmmander-H F..
Thompson.
Quartermaster-T. L. Rodgers.
Officer of the Day-C. r. Cox.
Officer of the Guard-Chas. Mansfield.
Adjutant-H +. Douglass.
Chaplain-T. H. Cave.
The organization is arranging for a
camp fire to take place some time dur
ing January, but the date has not been
decided upon. E. Dillingham;, H. F.
Douglass and T. L. Rodgers, compose
the committee in charge of the camp
fire.
The Daytona gazette=news. (Daytona, Fla.) 1901-1922, 1905-12-23
A SWIFT RACE
FOR LIFE.
G. H. HUM Starts for Philadelphia to be
Operated on for Appendicitis.
Leaves. on Special Train.

Racing from Philadelphia in a private
Pullman palace car, handled to Jackson
vile by the Seaboard Air Line Railway,
and from Jacksonville to DaytOna by a
special engine over the Florida East
Coast Railway, c. H. HUM, wealthy
merchant of Philadelphia, accompanied
by DIR. c. H. Beaver, and two trained
nurses, arrived in Daytona Friday night
Mt late hour, as told in Saturdays Daily
News. -
Mr.. HUM was speeding to the bedside
of his son, who was suffering with a Sc
we're attack of appendicitis, in this city.
DR.. beaver and the trained nurses ac-
cOmpanied Mr.. HUM, as it was thought
an operation would have to be per-
formed.
1t was thought, however, that the
younger Mr.. HUM would be able to stand
The Daytona gazette=news. (Daytona, Fla.) 1901-1922, 1905-12-23
IT'S No Joke.

The Daytona Daily News regularly
arrives at this office and is found to be
quite bright and newsy. To run daily
paper in town the size of DaytOna is
no joke; and, consequently, the mer-
chants of that picturesque town should
literally support it with advertisements.
-Titusville Advocate.
The Daytona gazette=news. (Daytona, Fla.) 1901-1922, 1905-12-23

the trip back to his home, and the pri-
vate car was attached to an engine, and
left here Saturday afternoon for Phila-
delphia.
Mr.. HUM came to Florida about two
weeks ago for his health. He had IA
touch of appendicitis, but thought the
mild climate of Florida would benefit
him. He settled at Daytona, where he
intended remaining for the winter, but
was seized with another severe attack,
50 wired his father to come to his assist
ance
DIR. Beaver is said to be one of the best
appendicitis experts in the country, and
Immediately upon the arrival of the
young man in Philadelphia, an operation
will be performed, in the hope Of saving
his life.
The Daytona gazette=news. (Daytona, Fla.) 1901-1922, 1905-12-23

Williams grocery store, Mt Seabreeze
was broken into Saturday night, and the
cash drawer tempered with. The robber
got away with two dollars in change
and also a quantity Of cigars.
The thief affected an entrance through
the rear window. The manager of the
store says that he has a clue and some
developments are expected.
The Daytona gazette=news. (Daytona, Fla.) 1901-1922, 1905-12-23
Ell IDTunullUsfs.
prss.6snt = hswessui ''cAsg Gag
Orssslzstioa yyritss Elisscs

~ URVoWoye
Dave Hennen Morris, LAWYER, horse
man, autoist, and president Of the aris-
:tocyatic, autocratic and powerful Auto
mobile Club Of America-700 members
writing in Leslie's Weekly has formu-
lated the following set Of rules for the
man IN the auto, in which the negatives
and positives are SO delightfully."- and al
Tentatively blended that they become at
once duty and pleasure:
Don't disobey the rules of the road.
Remember to keep to the right and
pass on the left.
Don'tforget that pedestrians have the
same rights as vehicles at street cross
ings.
Remember that vehicles do not have
the right Of way at street crossings.
Don't forget that your rate Of speed
should never exceed the legal rate-.l0
miles an hour in the greater city,.
Remember, when local conditions r.
quire, to adopt even lower rate oil
speed than the legal rate.
Don't get "rattled."
Remember that il Is the "o,ler fel
low" who always loses lis head in 9
crisis.
Don't insist upon your rights.
Remember that the "othcr fellow
may not know your rights, and an in
sistance on your part is bound to result
in an accident.
Don't argue with trolley cars, expires:
wagons, brewery trucks or other heav!
bodies found in the public thcrOughfare
Remember that the drivers Of thes
powerful vehicles generally operate OF
the theory that might is right.
Don't expect women and children t
get out of your way.
Remember that women and childrel
don't know how to avoid danger.
Don't run any unnecessary risks.
Remember that while the AUTOMOBILE
is flexible, powerful and easily CONTROL
ed, you may make a slip.
Don't drink.
Remember that nine-tenths of the &C
cidents occur to automobiles driven b.
intoxicated chauffeurs.
Don't sneak away in case of an acci
dent.
Remember that he true gentleman
Chauffeur, although he may not be re
sponsible for the misfortune, stands hi
around.
The Daytona gazette=news. (Daytona, Fla.) 1901-1922, 1905-12-23

At an election held at Daytona Beech
ON Saturday, George P. Johnston Jas
elected alderman to fill the unegp6ed
term of ]. c. Butler, who recently re-
signed. DR.. ]. A. VanValzah was also
elected to the aldermanic chair, to fill a
regular term. The municipality across
the river polled only Fl votes.
The Daytona gazette=news. (Daytona, Fla.) 1901-1922, 1905-12-23

On the complaint Of a colored man
named Wesley two women of like color
were brought before Mayor Smith on
Saturday. His Honor, the Mayor, could
find no charge against the women, and
they were accordingly discharged.