davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Lamar register., 1905-06-21


He had by this time reflled and
relighted his pipe. and a minutes
communion with it seemed to infuse
his head with new idea.
We'll, some things be more wearin'
than Others" he continued; "and
some must be mighty aggravatin';
DuS the exasperatingest thing | ever
read of was what happened once to
old Sammy Sanders. who lived in
what we used to call Woodchuck
Glen. over beyond where the railroads
buildin' the new bridge. There wasn't
many of us liked Sammy, and to tell
the truth. | reckon the most of us
was kind of glad it happened: because
we'd all had dealings with him more
or less, and nobody ever had any
dealings with A1mmy Sanders that
didn't come off second best With
one exception. that is. and that I'm
Soin' to tell you about.
You see. Sammy was the meanest
old codger that ever drawed the
breath of life. He wouldn't have
drawed that, likely enough, if he'd
known he was wastin' tissue all the
time; but he didn't have much edu.
cation, and that probably saved his
life.
why once when they went to him
for the foreign missions. knowing well
they'd get nothing out of him. he took
them by surprise, after a little argu-
ing, and gave them cent. The dea-
con. who was a sarcastic man at
times. asked him there was any partic-
ular way he'd like to have the money
spent in, and Sammy said yes, there
was. He said they could spend it
in movin' the missions where they'd
be cut of the reach of money orders,
That's the kind of a man Sammy
Sanders was. Mean amt the name
for it. And for years we was waitin'
for him to fall sick. because when
that kind of man gets sick he feels
bad in his meanness first, and begins
TO give everything away, from bad
conscience. But to the best of nv
knowledge Sammy never had a poor
day in his life, and take him as he
was then. at S3, when most men are
dead, he was as lively as cricket
and as mean as-well, there amt
no comparison for it. The biggest
part of him was his littleness.
Maybe you've read in the papers
sometimes of how somebody yawns,
or laughs. or anyway opens his mouth.
and his jaw catches and he can't get
1t back again. Well. that is the only
thing that | ever heard of old Sammy
Sanders havin'. and he used to hit
The Lamar register., 1905-06-21
Anniversary Calendar.

April II, 1861, was the day upon
which the state of Virginia, following
the example of South Carolina. with
drew from the Union. Virginia was
afterward the center Of the Confeder-
acy, her chief city, Richmond, becom-
ing the capital of the rebellion states.
Naturally, therefore, Virginia saw
much Of the fighting. The first and
second battles of Bull Run, the cam
paigns In the Peninsula and the Shen-
andoah Valley, the battle of Freder-
icksburg, the battle of Chanueliors-
vile and the bloody campaign of the
Wilderness were all fought out on Vir-
ginia soil. Richmond was besieged and
surrendered and the final acknowledge
ment OF defeat was made by the Con.
federate commander-in-c chief, Gen. Rob
ert E. Lee. when he gave up his sword
to Gen. Grant at Appomattox Court
House in Appomattox county. virginia-
The Lamar register., 1905-06-21
The Water Boat Afloat.

the water has run out. You can pro-
duce better imitation of speed by us
ing, instead of the pan. little wooden
boat of more shipshape model with the
water tube projecting over the stern.
but unless the vessel is very broad of
bean 1t will capsize.
In fact, the boat is made not to go
fast, but to illustrate a principle by
going at all: and another illustration
of the same principle is given by the
water mill now to be described
The mill is made of the same lamp
chimney, or another, with corks or
plugs in both ends. Instead of one wa
ter tube it has two. three, four, or
more. going out like the spokes of a
wheel and bent at the end-all in the
same direction. The chimney is set
upriShC between two pivots, which
press against the upper and lower
plugs. and is filled with water through
a hole in the upper plug, which also
serves to admit air when the mill is
turning. The only use of the top plug
in fact is to give a point of support,
and the vessel must be open to the all
at the top. AS the water flows out
through the little tubes the mill turns
in the opposite direction, and if there
Is not too much friction at the pivots il
Will soon be spinning rapidly. The wa.
ter boat and the water mill are ex.
amples of what are called reaction ma.
chimes. The principle they illustrate
is that, generally speaking, you cal.
not move anything without moving
something else in the opposite direc-
ton. In both of these cases as the wa
ter is forced out in the direction of the
water tube the boat or the part of the
mill from which it flows is driven in
the opposite direction. The recoil or
kick" of gun is another illustration.
AT the instant of firing the gun moves
backward, If it can, but it you are hold.
ing it against your shoulder you feel
the reaction as a kick" and if the
gun is heavily loaded you may move
backward with great promptness.
vessel might be propelled by firing
heavy cannon from the stern.
Now, if your big brother. who is a
Yale sophomore and nearly full of wis
dom. says that the pressure of the
stream of water against the air crives
the water boat and the water mill, tell
him you know better.
The air has nothing to do with it,
and the little machines would go Just
as well if there were no air-better,
The Lamar register., 1905-06-21
Girl Born in London Tower.

In the Curfew Tower of Windsor
Castle. Mrs. Wellbelove, wife of the
keeper, has just given birth to a daugh-
ter
When the little girl begins to look
about her, among the first sights she
will see will be the ancient state pris-
on, where prisoners of exalted rank
have left their handwriting on the
walls.
The old stocks and many instru.
ments of torture are still preserved.
The walls of the little ones abode
are twelve and one-half feet thick.
On royal birthdays and state oc-
casions she will hear the ancient peal
of eight bells, one of which-the ten
or-is inscribed with Serve the Lord
with fear"
This is the first birth in the tower
for at least 100 years.
The Lamar register., 1905-06-21
The seeret of the Dial.

Ask any person to think of some
hour of the day: tell him to deduct
1t from twenty and remember the re-
mainder. You take out your watch
and inform him that you are going to
count around the dial. and that when
you have counted the number cor
responding with the remainder that he
must remember he must stop you.
Suppose he thought of 5 o'clock.
Five taken from 20 leaves Is remain
der. You now count promiscuously
(mentally. not orally pointing at each
count with pencil to one of the hours
on the dial (Which must be provided
in advance and is made by cutting out
a circle of cardboard and marking on
it with ink the ~ figures of the clock
face).
Be sure when you make the eighth
count to point to the "12" and thence
in regular rotation backward toward
the left. When you come to the figure
''five" you will be stopped. correspond
ing to the remainder-15-whic he
was to remember. You will thus
know that 5 o'clock was the hour
Thought of.
II this trick be repeated more than
two or three times, it is well to vary
the number from which the deduction
is to be made. Thus. instead of de-
Quoting as In the foregoing example.
five from 20. the person addressed
may be told to deduct the hour though
may be told to deduct the hour
thought of from IS; but as IS is only
six more than 12. you must be sure
to make your sixth mot the eighth
promiscuous count be at the figure
~" on the dial.
In the first example, with 20. the
eighth count was made at "12" be-
cause 20 is eight more than IL. II %
The Lamar register., 1905-06-21
Water Boat and Mill.

OF course any boat, unless it hap
pens TO be an iceboat, stone boat, or
gravy boat, may be called a water
boat; but am speaking of a boat driv-
en- by water as well as through water.
Its principal parts are tin pan and a
tall lamp chimney. Close the small
end of the chimney with a cork, into
which rubber. bent glass. or lead
tube is tightly fitted; prop the chin
ney up in the pan with the small tube
projecting over the rim, fill the chip-
ney with water and set the chimney
craft afoat
1t will move with the ease and grace
of turtle. though not so fast. until all
The Lamar register., 1905-06-21
Origin of Turkey.

The original name of turkey was o.
coocoo. by which it was known to
the Cherokee Indians, says the Bos-
ton Globe. The pilgrim fathers in
roaming through the woods in search
of Thanksgiving game for their first
Thanksgiving spread heard the Ooo-
tcOocoo calling in the familiar tones
of our domesticated fowl, Turk, turk,
turk" These first Yankee huntsmen,
mistaking this frightened cry of the
bird for its real song. Immediately la
ibeled it turkey" and turkey it is to
This day.
This is one explanation of the name
turkey. But some will try to think
to-day that bird by any other name
would taste as sweet.
The Lamar register., 1905-06-21
ouay's Views as to Farmers.

The lats Senator Quay. among his
Other varied pursuits. was somewhat
of an aericul,S One day there
was a discussion between several of
his colleagues regarding the defini
tinn of a gentleman farmer. Some
contended that Il farmer was farmer.
and tho matter CT his wealth could
make no difference in the name Pres
entity one Of the speakers appealed to
Quay and asked him If he would de-
fire the difference between an ordi.-
nary farmer and gentleman farmer.
The senator thought for a minute
and said: There's this difference
between the two: Orc cats what he
cannot sell, and the other sells what
he cannot eat."-Harpcr's Weekly.
The Lamar register., 1905-06-21
Evening Fun.

A little game that will make lots
of fun is called Fate" Write the
name of each boy guest on a card with
a prefix Mrs" Then seal up the
cards in envelopes addressed to the
boys, but, of course. the prefix must
not be used in these addresses.
A girl now enters the room with a
black robe and veil thrown about her
and with her eyes blindfolded. The
envelopes are all handed to her, and.
holding them under her Veil, she says,
in deep, impressive voice:
81 am Fate. Blindfolded, see into
the future, and will tell to each boy
present the name of his wife. Tho
fate of the girls l cannot see. 1t is
not clear"
Then, taking the envelopes out. she
passes them, one by one, to another
girl. who hands them to the boys to
whom they are addressed. When all
have been distributed a signal is Civ.
en-, and each boy opens his envelope,
when he sees his own name with the
Mrs. before 1t. This will make great
laugh. of course.
The Lamar register., 1905-06-21
Vt~-ssvt~-s-~S
REALLY WAS EXASPERATING
{ Honest Uncle Ezra Tells of the Downfall
of Mean Old Sammy Sanders

ITS mighty peculiar" said hon
est Uncle Ezra, as he took another
apple from the barrel beside him and
knocked the ashes out of his pipe on
the cracker box. ITS mighty pecu-
liar" he pursued. with the delibera-
tlon of one who knows that his
auditors have reached the proper
pitch of curiosity, mighty peculiar"
Some men have one thing. some have
another-and nobody seems to be sat
isfied. Most everybody would be will
in to give up what he had himself and
take what the other feller had. it
seems, to hear them talk; but come
right down to the truth of the matter,
suppose If they all shifted round,
they'd all be as bao as they were be-
fore, or worse.
The Lamar register., 1905-06-21
BE Kind to Your Pets.

There is no better way to teach chill
dren to be kind to animals than to
give them pets to care for, and then
to make them responsible for that
care. The fact that dumb creatures
are dependent upon human beings
cannot be taught too early in life. The
facts that they cannot make their
wants known and that If their food is
neglected or forgotten they will suffer
with hunger and thirst can be strik-
ingly demonstrated to the child when
he is hungry. and it is explained to
him that his pets are just as hungry
as he is when he thinks he cannot
wait another minute for his supper
Cat Journal.
The Lamar register., 1905-06-21
WARFARE AGAINST CONSUMPTION
Why Fight 1t.

Ihe Charity Organization Society of
New York, in hand-book on the pre-.
vention of tuberculosis, encourages
the active campaign against this great
plague and gives a concise summary
ol why the battle should be waged.
Because more people die of con-
sumption than from any other dis
ease.
Each year 1.095,O0O of the people of
the world die of 1t. In the United
states over 100000 die every year of
consumption. Every day 5000, and
each minute of the day two persons
fall before this enemy. How many of
your friends have died of it?
Because it is disease which
spreads from one person to another,
and any one may catch it.
Because 1t is chiefly caused by the
filthy habit of splitting.
Because 1t is disease which can be
stopped, and need not spread.
Because every one may and should
help stop it.
Because already there is change for
the better. The number of deaths
from consumption is growing less.
twenty years ago there We're many
more deaths in proportion to the pop
ulation than now.
If the tuberculosis death rate of 1886
had been maintained the first nine
months of 1902. four thousand more
persons in Manhattan and the Bronx
would have died of tuberculosis than
actually died in these months.
Could anything be found more In
spring. more plainly indicative of the
need for extending the work against
this disease?
The Lamar register., 1905-06-21

HIS only Satisfaction Was in Moser-
ated vituperation.
me in the jaw? Have you no shame?
In the name of - And snap! Ills
jaw was open again like a trap.
He sat down dazed with the real
ization of it and purple with rage.
Yes, Mr.. Sanders" said the doc
tor, as calmly as though he had ex-
pected 1t all along, that is very diff
cult operation, and one which is
learned with great trouble and ex-
pense and one which doctors are rare
ly called upon to perform. Now that
your hasty judgment has led you to
make 1t necessary a second time. |
feel it necessary to tell you this before
| begin, so you will have no hesiia-
tion in paying me in advance, as I
shall require
Sammy stared at him all the time
he was saying that as though DR..
Spruggs was askin' for his SOUL and
when it was through he leaped up and
went on like a maniac; but he
couldn't do anything but humble, and
all the hard things he thought didn't
do him any good. The doctor shrug-
ged his shoulders and started to go.
but in the end Sammy Sanders paid
down his money-s5O for each opera
tion, and the doctor reset the jaw
again. Sammy modified his voice and
said all the horrible things that ever
was heard of, and tried to get 800
worth of satisfaction out of them,
but that was the nearest he ever come.
SO that was the only Teller that
ever got the best of Sammy Sanders"
says honest Uncle Ezra, knocking the
ashes from his pipe again, land that is
why l say some things are more ex-
asperating than others. And if any of
you fellers feel as you wern't as well
preserved from accident as you de-
serve to be. remember what told you
about the most exasperatingest ca4e
| ever heerd of-about old Sammy
Sanders. who lived in Woodchuok
Glen, and the only man that ever did
him."-Boston Globe.
The Lamar register., 1905-06-21
Told by Speaker Cannon.

In some sections of Illinois corncobs
are greatly sought after for fuel, and
Speaker Cannon tells this story about
preacher who wanted load of cobs
to burn:
"The preacher was very courteous
man and wrote the gentleman who
dealt in cobs:
Dear Mr.. b: Please send me
load of cobs. l thank you in ad.
vance. Yours in the gospel B. M
THE gentleman sent the cobs and
this note:
Dear Sir: Here's your cobs, as
per order. Yours in the cob business,
H. F."
Baltimore Herald.
The Lamar register., 1905-06-21
CorbY. the Silent

"Corby is certainly very brain =
chap. He sits and thinks and thinks
and you can only tell that his
thoughts are deep by watching his
eyes"
"Oh, tommyrot,! There is one
thing you must learn, Billy"
whats that?"
When man with a long nose.
thick lips and short neck and says
nothing he either has nothing to say
or Is too wise to try and express him
self"
We'll, you are off so far as Corby
is concerned. He's deaf and dumb"
Commercial Tribune.
The Lamar register., 1905-06-21
What Know we7

What KnoW Wei
What know we of the gnawing griefs
Ihat dim perchance our neighbor's
The fretting worry, secret pain
That may be his from day to day?
Then let no idle word of ours
Sting to his heart with sore dismay.
What know we of temptations deep
That hover round him like the night
What bitter struggles may be his
What evil influences blight?
Then be not hasty to condemn
II he has strayed from paths of right
We know so little of the hearts
That everywhere around us beat,
30 little of the inner lives
OF those whom day by day we greet,
Oh. 1t behooves us. one and all
Gently to deal with those we meet
Gently to deal and gently to judge
With that divinest charity
That thinks no evil. but would seek
The good In every soul to see,
Measuring not by what 1t is
But by that which 1t strives to be.
The Lamar register., 1905-06-21
HospitaIity Up to Date.

One member of a certain woman's
club was leaving the Sunday after
noon reception when she met another
Just coming in
You're a cordial hostess" remark
ed the first. why don't you come
early and entertain your company.
That guest you invited has been wait
ing and waiting for you solid hour. y
"Heavens!" exclaimed the other.
much annoyed. Hasn't she gone
yet?"-New York Press.
The Lamar register., 1905-06-21
Hill Builds SimnIe Home

James ]. Hill. the railroad million
aire. has selected simple and mex
pensive summer residence in Lenox,
Mass, much to the disappointment of
that fashionable colony, which had ex-
pected him to entertain lavishly That
VIII be impossible in the cottage he
mas chosen, 1t is expected that his
daushter'in-law, who has large place
near by, will represent Mr.. Hill ia 9
social way.
The Lamar register., 1905-06-21
How About These?

Is cinder one who sins?
Is yawning gulf sleepy?
A seal ring! Do seals wear rings?
carved on it?
How can the mountain gorge, If 1t
doesn't eat?
Does the blubber of whale mean
when the whale cries?
Did pharaoh try to go through an
aisle of the sea?
Does a volcano go off when the
mountain range gets too hot?
Do whaleback steamers carry
whales?
Do lap dogs come from Lapland?-
Philadelphia Record
The Lamar register., 1905-06-21
Stalls for Cattle.

A countryman brought his sweet
heart into Glasgow to hear perform
ance by well-known opera company
Going up to the ticket-oftice, the girl
hanging on to the sleeve of his jacket,
he banged down half-sovereign, and
said:
"Twa seats"
"Stalls?" inquired the clerk.
Look here, my man." replied Bar
leymow. rather sharply. "dinna think
because we came frae the country
that we're cattle. Gle twa cooshioned
seats"
The Lamar register., 1905-06-21
The Case of lin.

Inc Case OF Jim.
hny's callln' from the milkhouse,
Calm stern:
Jim. yer lazy good fer nuthin'.
Come an churn."
Paws cailin' from tho cornpatch.
CALM loud:
James. yer hulkin'. stupid loafer.
Time yer plowed.'
Natures calm from the trout brook.
CALM whish:
Son. yer poor tired lazy feller.
Come and fish,
Stranger, II we just swaped places.
Put 1t clear,
Which of all the three n-cnllin'
Would you hear?
New York Sun.
The Lamar register., 1905-06-21

relieved. strip of linen cloth eight
inches wide and two feet long should
then be applied. after wetting in cold
water and wringing quite dry. The
linen should be made to fit snugly and
should be covered first with mackin-
tosh and then with flannel or cotton
batting so that the wet cloth may be
rapidly heated. This application is
made on retiring at night and should
be worn during the night In the
morning the affected parts should be
bathed in cold water for half a min.
ute. and friction applied until the cir.
culation Is well established.
The Lamar register., 1905-06-21

I want to go a-killin' frogs.
Way down on Tyler's Creek,
Or fishin up above the dam.
Like us kids did last week,
Or nuttin' oven'n Binnie's woods,
Or visit Uncle Will,
Or fly my kite or use my sling.
On top O. Haeger's Hill.
l want to ride my wheel. or hunt
For cattails in the Slew"
Or snare some gophers-oh, there's
snags
o. things I want to do.
Seems like I never did just ache
So hard to go away,
An'-ain't it just the blamedest luck?-
Our school is in to-day.
The Lamar register., 1905-06-21
Few Great Fortunes in France.

Money is more evenly distributed in
France than in any other civilized
country. According to the taxation re-
turns fewer than 10000 persons have
property valued at 100000. OF these
only 5000 have fortunes exceeding
S2.000.000 or over, and there are just
ten fortunate persons who have more
than $25 100000.
The Lamar register., 1905-06-21
Plant Shows Comma Weather

An Australian meterologist, ]. N.
Nowak. who forecasts the weather by
mcars of 4 plant called "abus pre-
calo-.us." discovered by him in Mex
leo many years ago. will erect his
first weather stations in Vienna and
London. Nowak maintains that his
forecasts are obtaiEable from three to
eight days ahead.
The Lamar register., 1905-06-21
Gun anniiane

The old buffalo hunters had an es-
tablished signal that is yet used by
the mountain guides. says Ernest
Thompson Seton. in Country Life in
America. 1t is as follows:
Two shots in rapid succession, an
interval of five seconds by the watch,
tLea one shot-this means Where are
The Lamar register., 1905-06-21

you?" The answer. given at once and
exactly the same, means, Here am;
what do you want?" The reply to this
may be one shot, which means, All
right, only wanted to know where
you were" But If the reply repeats
the first it means, 81 am in serious
trouble; come as fast as you can"
The Lamar register., 1905-06-21

10 more than 12-and SO on with any
other number.
When your friends see you are able
TO tell the time they thought of from
different numbers to be deducted from
then they will be more mystified than
ever and will become convinced you
are a real mind reader. if you don't let
them into the secret.
The Lamar register., 1905-06-21

himself until his mouth snapped to-
gether again. like turtle. But that
was oxasperatin'. and that's what led
me TO say that the most exasperatin'
thing l ever heard of was what hap
pcned to Sammy Sanders. And
told you about him. because you'll
The Lamar register., 1905-06-21

by clawing his eyes out, and he died
before the arrival of veterinarian.
The Lamar register., 1905-06-21

His Only Satisfaction Was in Moser-
ated Vituperation,
Monroe City Democrat. (Monroe City, Mo.) 1888-1919, 1905-08-10
my horse. standing still.

my horse. standing still.
Hampton said: Hello, are
you here, did get him?"
Il said: Come up aud see."
We stood and looked him all
over a while, then l gave the
signal with my bugle. Such
cheering with shotguns l never
heard. Those old fellows shot
and hallooed like boys on the
Fourth of July with fireworks
There were no fox hunters pres
ent, but Mr.. Hampton, Bush
I, Mr.. Hampton aud Bush be-
ing retired hunters, but once a
hunter always love the sport,
and all the old me there enjoy.
ed it as wi II as the hunters.
The wolf was tied on behind
my saddle. We took supper
with Faux Orr, which was
greatly reiished. it was sc
cheerfully served by Frank:
wife. AS an old saying. the
farthest way around is thu
shortest way home sometimes
]. P. Bush being and old hunt
ing pard of mine, 1 had to com,
by and show him my prize as h'
was unable to attend the hunt
V. G. SPALDING.
Monroe City. Mo.