New-York tribune., 1905-08-29


arrested for going about forty miles an hour met
his match at d municipal court at Norwich, Conn
The chauffeur that at the time Of his arrest
the machine was not travelling faster than three
miles hour.
'.Very we'll replied the judge. calmly. But
rather than be beaten by the accused. he said: Il
then charge you with obstructing the traffic
VERSES TO YOU.
My thoughts they often turn to you.
But they turn 10 ink,
About the kitchen sink.
To make the figures clearer
I am inclined TO think.
In disappearing ink
My heart leaps up when behold
very thin mosquito:
always cut them dead in case
But when they come to call on me.
And sing in obbligato.
I feel as If I'd like TO throw
very ripe tomato.
I'd like to write a poem
On how the Jelly fishes ien.
Or bearded Goldfish shaves.
And If a dock the haddock had
or how the shark behaves.
Say, does he ever brush his teeth
Each morning when he bathes?
pondered on a little mouse
With whom ! had chat
And I asked why he did that
He answered II was out Of tune,
I thought the creature rather sharp
To answer up so pat
Now when You've read my verses through
You cannot grasp them at glance,
They. reeI with connotationl
Their literary aspect bears
a close examfna ton,
only hone they win not cause
Harvard Iampoon
The wives Of two British army officers who had
been stationed for a long time In India met re-
Gently In London and went to a restaurant to take
luncheon together AS their talk of a per-
sonal and somewhat private nature they fell to
conversing in Hindostani. This aroused the curl
osity of waiter attending them to bursting point
He presently came forward and said gravey ''Ex-
cuse me. madame, but think II only right TO in
form you that I understand French"
His Early Training-''Where in the world did
that parrot learn to swear sop
II brought him up a golf links. ma'am."-
QAfe.
THE Law Magazine and Review tells an odd
story of a Hamburg merchant who had five sons
who were all ardent teetotalers. The merchant
was contrary minded, and. to rescue the misguided
young from the error of their obstinate ways
he directed in his will that each Of the five should
on the day of his funeral drink glass of wine 10
his memory in some public place, adding as a con-
dition subsequent. that if any of them should re-
fuse to drink the enjoined glass his share of the
inheritance should be forfeited and divided nm
among the more complaisant brothers but IL all
should refuse the whole family property should go
to charities. No other testament so odd on the sub
ject of wine is recalled. except that Of a total oh
staner who left a fine wine cellar a recent Ieeaoo
himself his heir with directions that its con-
tents should be poured untasted the ground
A few nights ago a timber wolf visited the bar,
of John OTBrien, the Click farm, in Atchison
County and killed his dog and several pups r.
then attacked the members of the family and
forced them all into the house OBrien who had been
at some of the neighbors came home about
O'Clock in the evening, and the wolf made a dash
for him.. but he had the wagon neckyoke in his
hand and knocked IL down. This was repeated sew
erh times, when the folks at the house came to
his assistance, and the wolf killed. 1t was one
of the biggest ever seen in the county.-(Troy
(Kan) Chief.
Dr. William Osler recently recited quaint old
cure for gout: First, pick a handkerchief from
the pocket of a spinster who never wished 10 wed;
second wash the handkerchief in an honest miuer's
pond third, dry it on the hedge of person who
never was covetous; fourth. send II the shop of
a physician who never killed a PATIENT nth, mark
1t with lawyers ink who never cheated 8 client
and. sixth, apply it, hot the gout tormented
part. speedy must follow
Jones-I tell you what YOU do If you suffer from
seasiekness Drink half bottle OF champagne ar
starting.
Brown-Oh. don't know Champagns's such
expensive stun to-risk--(Wasp