davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1905-12-04
THE SEXTON AND THE SAILORS.

Rev. F. w. Gnnsaulus Of Chicago met the other day
children in blue sailor SUITS out walking with their
mother. z.
Mr. Gunsaulus praised the pretty blue suits, the trim
sailor hats and the handsome REFERS Then he smiled and
said.
In certain church, Sunday morning, three chill
the front of the gathering with sailor
their heads
1The sexton, before the service commenced, tiptoed
down the aisle and whispered loudly and Indignantly
~ Take them hats off, boys
1.-THE children took notice, and very angy the sex
ton repeated:
"sOf with them hats do you hear?
ssStill they did comply So the old man came and
Y leaned over them, glowering in their faces.
Why he began; but shrill little pipe of ter
ror, one Of the children interrupted him.
9 Please, sir, girls she said a..
AVERY BRAVE MAN.
MRS. EMMA E. PORTER of Marysvile sister Of Con-
gresham Calderhead tells good henpecked husband
story Evelyn the little daughter Of Marshall county
family She is very cowardy. Her father, finding that
sympathy only increased this tendency decided
to have talk with his little daughter subject
OF her foolish fears 1 ssS.t46
Papa she said at the close Of his lecture when you
see a COW aim you fraidq
-s. NO; certainly not, Evelyn. !"
81 tWhen you horse ain It you 'fraid ~
NO of course not. -
1sWhen you dog amt you 'frad?''
nNo!'-with emphasis
sxWhen you see bumbebee ain't you 'fraid7 z"
$s. aNo with scorn.
II sfAiil' It you 'fraid when it thunders?"
with loud laughter OH you silly, silly childi,
tsPapa = said Evelyn solemny, amt you 'fraid Of
nobhin I'm the world but mama? s5ssgs@S
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1905-12-04
AString Of Good Stories
A CURIOUS QUESTION,
~ cannot ten how the truth may b;
lssy the tale ~ twas said to me-"

TWO men arguing hoty street Sud-
denly they threw off their coats and began to fight In
moment both their faces covered with blood
Two strangers rushing between hem stopped the fight
and demanded to know what the trouble was about.
sHe said the smaller fighter 1'says il mans wife and
mother both fell overheard it would be the duty
his mother, and let his wife shift for herself claim
He's right, said the first stranger. . mans mother
lis old and weak She should be saved first"
But promises his wife at the altar to look after
her above all other women.''
eve most to mothers They brought us into
the world,
. ''No We most to our wives. Consider what they
do for us. Why-''ss-
"Ah, you talk foolish. '',
''Abuse amt argument
policeman appeared.
whats the matter here9 he asked
'Why,' said bystander, they're arguing about
whether if mans wife and mother both fall overheard the
ought the wife and let the mother co. or vice
versa
Gill; said the policeman che ought to save his MOTHER
of course
sought he9 That's how much you know said the by
stander seornfully. "Why man
But suddenly loud, calm voice above the uproar
'sGentemen,'' it said, this is interesting and i'm
portant question: but there rotng over it. Let us
submit it, instead Let get up discussion in the press
about it. Then both sides will be horoly threshed out"
This idea pleased all hands The separated each
mentally composing wife mother letter the
spondence Of his favorite newspaper.
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1905-12-04
FEMININE LOGIC.

$DECAUSE she had reached the uneompimentary concu-
stove and watched them burn This looks like useless fit
Of petulancebut behold the sequel The woman has now
gone court and secured decision whereby the alleged
adventer bookkeeper by profession, hereafter pay
her 1928 a month for maintenance sls 81
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1905-12-04
THIs BOY SEEING IT AI.Ia .

RED oTTOFY the young of q Chicago dentist now
practicing in Manila has just started from San Fran
his second trip around the world He still in his
early teens. He not the ordinary boy
very well able to take Of himself and letting him
have his full Of travel for year so.
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1905-12-04

Was-slmply-a -peach.
elbow Interestingly"
cit was. There was
a pathetic little droop
to her rosebud mouth
that appealed to me
especially and made me
wonder what all the
men around her had
been thinking Of to let
her stand. Such indif-
ference seemed to me
little short Of brutal.
"She was standing,
then -
"Ihat's :, what ? she
was s. standing "a n d
clutching with her lit
tie hand at my seat to
support herself. There
were men on either side
occupying seats, but not
one had the gallantry,
the manliness to get up.
The fellow who shared
nv seat sat as stOlidlv
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1905-12-04
Blo1u for the Polite Man

DON'T say that I have altogether made up
my mind to refrain from offering a lady my
seat in crowded streetcar, but my chlv-
airy has received jolt that it won't re-
cover from for one while," said the South
Slider.
tI'm sorry to hear you say that de-
clared his friend.
Z cit was going home the other evening
on the Indiana car,'' said the South Slider.
81 got on at Randolph street, as generally
do, to avoid the rush. If the rush is
unusually great go to Madison street and
board it there before it goes around the
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1905-12-04

if there not fra tired within 1000 miles
Of him and he not reading he had no
"Any other sandingq" ~.E-.~ l.
"Certainly. There always are. - .'@-.@ .-~@
'But not so good-looking?" = <.:
"What that matterq A good-ookng woman is just
likely to get tired homey There is no reason
Why she should be Disseminated against because she happens
be beautiful I don't like that Of yours repel
the insnuation My first impulse not to get
up myself wanted the beast next to to act with
decency thought to myself, I'll just wait and
how long he will persist in his wretched selfshness
''Jus then she happened to. look at 1t was not
reproacful glance in FACT the droop at the
of her mouth lifted just the least little bit was
almost smile-a friendly smile, understand Yetit
had sort Of an appeal and the time she sighed
very gently, not ostentatiously at all, "
Gin instant my feet raised my hat grace
fully. Madam said, may offer you my seatq
'She smiled radianty and sad Oh, thank you Squeez
ing past that insensate cod next she sat down.
IT took hold of the metal handle that the thoughtful
seetcar people have put the seats place Of straps
It from her clasp. AS did she dug that young
in the ribs with her elbow You LOBSTER she said
you'd have let stood up all Of the way wouldn't you?
All right you watch out and get with you for
that .:lz N - 3444t y n |&ss
''I didn't know it syou= he answered. tI,d have
broke my neck gittin up if I had
''she gggled YOU'RE great jollier, amt you9' she
said It's all right for YOU At the time she turned
those glorious eyes loose on him and smled.''
t'Disgusting'' .-.~.. !. >.@."..
''Wasnt it? And got much side look the
whole Of the way to Thynnth street. AS say, may
yield my seat to sometime again, but I've got to
have time to get over that bow.''-Chicago News.
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1905-12-04
LITTLE TOMMY AND THANKSGIVING.

COVERNOR FOLK Of Missouri talking about reform.
NJ GIVE all believe in ii, he said but want to
brought about at other folks expense We like too
like certain Kansas City boy.
e4Ths boys mother said to him, her return from
longs days shopping In the. Thanksgiving
pogo Now I4hope MY little Tommy has taken to heart
talk of last night about charity and unselshness
Since he has few troubles Of his hope he has thought
for thanksgiving himself hope he has tried to give
FOR thanksgiving to Others What is my Tommy report
the day. How many Of kindness has he done How
much has he Hghtened9 How many hearts has my
Tommy made grateful and glad?'
n this rather mushy way spoke the good young mother
And her Tommy replied:
sstI've done whole lot Of good ma. gave your
hat beggar woman and T gave the cooks shoes to
little girl in busted rubbers what the street. and
gave poor lame shoesting seller pas black evening suit
~ the open front that he hardly wears -
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1905-12-04

loop The loss Of time is really tH1ng compared with tne
comfort of seat all the way home I'm glad that SO few
neope seem to consider that Perhaps they really prefer to
stand You large percentage Of the homegoers doubt
have engaged sedentay occupations during the day
may be quite relief to exercise their lower limbs IN
the manner the swaying of demands. "
EsThats so agreed the friend. I'll apply little OF
that salve MYSELF f:@.@<@s. -
cts soothing " said the South Sider However, he
continued 81 would alwaye willingly give seat to anyone
who thought needed it than did. that.
You needn't smile. have done it before The trouble
very that is my first chance at the evening
and get absorbed. WE'LL got seat at Randolph street
nice side that hold two and where
are danger Of being crowded if you get the ohe
which did Another got the other half of t-a young
sh man, rather coarse-looking, thought aho took
particular notice of him at the time being occupied with
paper We had got to Van Buren, street. in fact, before
looked up at ALL and then met Of the dainest
pieces of feminine loneliness they had rested She
St. Tammany farmer., 1905-09-30

|, leader called out: .Quietos todos
(.Every one keep quiet').
THE leader OF the party advanced
toward me, pointing two revolyers at
my breast, while the rest Of the party
covered with their weapons the rest
of the family. The chief, who wore
smoked glasses, and whose face was
trying to study, as was sure I had
seen him before, ordered that I deliver
to him all the arms had in the house.
gave him shotgun, target rife,
4 Mauser and another rifle.
ION delivering al Of my arms the
chief gave me letter, which he
snatched from me as soon as had
read il. 70 the best Of my memory
the letter read as follows:
Eight men tired Of life ask Of you
500
fSigned)
/ e. .tONE-EYED NAN OF SANABRIA.'
with all the calmness that could
summon answered: You men do not
know what sac, 900 Is, and undoubted-
sly you do not know that am but q
modest merchant when you ask such
i large amount of money. absolute
III haven't that amount, md you can
do what you please. I am at your
service.
81 AZ these words from me the chief
appeared to be rejecting, but finally
slle safd .Pues vcuga con nosotrOs'
(Then come with usl !
on seeing me reach for my hat,
~ vile and children and cousins,
St. Tammany farmer., 1905-09-30

Four men, two Of them carrying i biz
otato sack between them, walked into
the Hotel Nendig cafe, at Twelfth and
Market streets. shortly before closing time
the other night, ami sat down at one OF
the tables. The bag was carefully de
posted in a corner, relates the philadel-
phia Press.
A German waiter took the order with
one eye on the sack Finally his lu-
liosity got the better Of him.
dot ;s = big bag, amt it?' he said.
ssVot is in him."
Apples, Fritz, said one Of the men.
Take some home to the children.
The waiter accepted the invitation and
plunged his hand into the sack. He
brought it out again in hurry, with q
hard-shell crab clinging to one Of his
Two hundred brothers and sisters Of the
first crab promptly took advantage Of the
open mo,1th of the bag to crawl to lib
erty. They backed out Of the sack with
= rushs aud took possession Of the cafe,
nipping everything in reach. Several
seized trs,user legs and shoestrings and
held fast.
Heroic walters made q sortie with
brooms and swept the crustaceans back
into the bag and tied it up securely.
Say, please demanded the German
waiter, sucking vigorously at his injured
finger, ''vot kind of abbles do you call
dose?"
.'Crab-apples,D said the four men. in
chorus.
St. Tammany farmer., 1905-09-30
DpINds IN CHICAGO.

4 nre every hour; 81. lsf.
A suicide every Is hours.
a murder every 80 hours. 4 3
A death every Is minutes.
A holdsup every six hours.
A marriage every 20 minutes.
E A larceny every 20 minutes.
A burglary every three hours.
A fatal accident every i've hours.
A case for the coroner every three
hours.
An arrest for drunkenness every IL
minutes.
A birth every eight minutes and
~ seconds. 8=s
An arrest every seven minutes and
80 seconds. 4
a case Of assault and battery every
rs minutes.
a railroad passenger train arrives
every IS seconds.
A new building completed every one
hour and Is minutes.
# A disturbance Or the peace, to At
tract attention, every six seconds.
~ q serious accident. necessitatIng
nurses Or physicians care, every four
minutes.
sixty passengsrs, suburban and
through. arrive every second ct rail-
way stations
Seventeen thousand gallons Of Water
minute pass through the 1900 miles
of the city water mains.
St. Tammany farmer., 1905-09-30
HOW TO TELL A STATESMAN
Not Only Man Who Makes Speeches,
But a Man Who Makes
Good Ones.

The late Horatio G. Herrick, Of Law.
renee, for many years high sheriff Of Es-
sex county, always took keen interest
in the Lawrence schools, and was for .
long time chairman Of the school commit
tee. Visiting the Saunders school soon
after the death Of Garfield, relates the
Boston Herald, Sheriff Herrick spoke
to the pupils of the life Of the late
distinguished statesman, and thus asked,
genially:
Now. can any Of you tell me what !
statesman is?"
a little hand went up, and ! little girl
replied:
speeches"
who loved to tell thi. story. For instance.
| sometimes make speeches, and yet / am
net statesman.
The little hand again went up, and the
answer came, triumphantly:
Il know; statesman 1 q man who
makes good speeches!"
St. Tammany farmer., 1905-09-30

n forar p, af.,,, ~ &. s, lll ,,
J s. - 4 8. .,,A'.,. '111'os s''11s'. nsr
vous iever. Turing the course OF the
fever the nerves are always profo oundly
disturbed, and when il - over they are
left 50 sensitive that the patient las ia
be guarded against All excitement. n the
tonic t,eafn, e,,t tis, 7amsn.ad ,aas 90 s =
. s, s - 81.
uss Do ..u s ..os s,1y . Dua,uln " lles,
Dus a.so g sslen II b tnenihg stne nerves. q
remedy thae VIII do both, make sound
nesh to repair waste aud give new vigor
to feeble nerves. as tho most convenient
and economicf. such remedy Is Dr..
Williams Pink Pills for Pale People.
One proof OF this y the experience Of
Mr: Charles Worth, Of East Vassalbero.
St. Tammany farmer., 1905-09-30
RELIGIOUS RU1GoR.

Tho salesian fathers and Benedic-
tine missionaries report great progress
this year In upper Brazil.
The car Of Russia has given the Greek
Orthodox Christians Of Boston 81, 900
toward erecting i. place OF worship.
The papal decree with regard to plain
chant has been put into practical effect
throughout Spain, the choirs OF all the
large churches now rendering the same
according to the Solesmer revision.
The full official report Of the papers,
speeches and proceedings of the church
congress of the Episcopal church, re-
Gently ID session II Brooklyn, N. Y.,is
being prepared by Thomas Whitaker.
TIE edition will be limited.
By the side OF the bishop Of st. Al
bans, special preacher, the other day,
at the church tor the deaf and dumb.
Oxford street, London, stood q curate
who with nimbIe fingers translated the
sermon, sentence by sentence, into the
deaf and dumb alphabet.
A spiritual awakening is being ex-
perlenced in Christiania, Norway,
{ r \
worthy to be compared with that in
Wales. The young evangelist, Albert
Lunde, who has been working until re-
Gently among the Morse and Danish
people III various parts Of this country,
has found the people Of Norway ripe for
m awakening.
u The growth of Professionalism il
France during the last century is
prophetic Of larger progress when the
separation between church and state 10
completed. ii 100 years Protestant
church buildings have increased from 50
to 1900; pastors from 12o to nearly
1000, besides 200 evangelists, while
more than 100 religious societies and
charities have sprung up and 65 period
lcals are published.
St. Tammany farmer., 1905-09-30

him IN good stead, because he has
since picked out the leader OF the
band, who has confessed to the crime.
The outrage was perpetrated upon
me-" said Mr.. Cendoya, about seven
o'clock Sunday evening. was seated
1t the table with my wife and three
children and two cousins. The meal
was just about completed, and my
servant, Thompson, was bringing In
the tea, when as he came in the door
there entered behind him five men
armed with machetes, revolvers and
rides. Before could exclaim the
St. Tammany farmer., 1905-09-30

E IF you are afflicted with pimples, black.
heads, red, rough or oily skin, or disng.
urlng humors, you viii find this simple
effective and economical. Gently smear
the face with the great emollient skin
cure, Cuticura Ointment, but do not rub.
Wash off the ointment in FIVE minutes
with Cuticura Soap and hot water, and
bathe freely Repeat this morning and
evening and you will soon be rewarded
with skin soft, white and clear. Cuti-
cura Soap, the best toilet and complexion
soap in the world, assisted By Cuticura
Ointment, viii preserve, purify and
beautify the complexion and keep The
skin. in healthy condition, prevent
ing blaekheads, pimples,. eruptions or the
return of eczema and other skin troubles.
Used as shampoo it cleanses the scaip
Of crusts and scales, removing dandruf
and promoting the growth Of the hair:
For red, rough hands, itching palms and
painful finger ends, Cuticura Soap and
Ointment achieve marvellous results, often
in single night. 3
St. Tammany farmer., 1905-09-30
Voracity Of Carp.

The Sportsmen's club, Of Canan-
daigua lake, which secured the neces-
sary Legislative enactment to permit
the use Of nets for carp fishing, ia an
attempt to rid the waters Of the pest.
is proceeding as rapidly as possible
with the work Il has been found
that the stomach of single carp.
Weighing eight pounds, often contains
four pounds ef the spawn Of other
fish. The stocking of waters with
trout and bass II almost useless where
carp abound Watkins Express,
St. Tammany farmer., 1905-09-30
Ambip,1Oua.

q must compliment you on the remark
able lightness of your bread, :, said the
woman customer
Thank YOU" rejoined the baker. TT
is my aim to turn out the ightest bread
in the city,
YES" continued the woman customer,
and if you get it much lighter it will take
two of your pound loaves to weigh I6
ounces. STRAY Stories.
St. Tammany farmer., 1905-09-30
Perjury.

Mrs. Bacon Do you think your husband
is getting better 8
Mrs. Egbert No, worse! When he Roes
fishing now he's not satisfied to tell what
he caught, but he makes m affidavit to
it, Yonkers Statesman.
St. Tammany farmer., 1905-09-30

Try to look i little pleasanter, said
the photographer to Mr.. Tyte-Ph Re
member, j am making these pictures at
do nicely Chicago Tribune. 81
St. Tammany farmer., 1905-09-30
Severe Surgery.

The following conversation recently took
place in India:
Physician with his ear to the patients
breast There is q curious swelling over
the region Of your heart, sir, which must
be relieved at once.
Patient lanxiously) That dwelling Il
my pocketbook, doctor. Please don't 10
duce it too much. Medical Record.
St. Tammany farmer., 1905-09-30
SENATOR SULLIVAN
says 10 Has Found Doan's Kidney pills
8 Invaluable ii Treating Sick Kidneys.

Hon. Timothy D. Sullivan, 81 New
Fork, Member Of Congress from the
Eighth New Yosk District and ono 81
the Democratic leaders of New York
State, strongly recommends Deans
St. Tammany farmer., 1905-09-30

Speaking Of sure things, thers i, in nd
dition to death and taxes, ths rent col-
,lector Chicago Daily News.
St. Tammany farmer., 1905-09-30

Ward Seminary, Nashville, Tenn, by
beiag model Of the educated Christian
home and by its thorough faculty and
course of instruction prepares girls for life.
Write at once for Book Of Information.
St. Tammany farmer., 1905-09-30

Do not believe Piso's Cure tor Consunhp-
tion has an equal for coughs and colds.
F.Boyer, Trinity SPRING, Ind, Feb. 15, 1900.
St. Tammany farmer., 1905-09-30

organs to . condition OF health. ny
experience with your valuable remedy
was equally as gratifying as that ct
several Of my friends. Yours truly,
{sipnedl TIMOTHY d. SULLIVAN.
Foster-Milburn CO., Buffalo, n. 4.
For sale by all druggists. Price, 90
cents per box.
St. Tammany farmer., 1905-09-30

II Is highly improbable that the world
will ever again see a time when it viii
not consider itself ON the threshold Of 4
new era.-Puck,
St. Tammany farmer., 1905-09-30

In case you have thoughts and honest
b speak your mind, Golgotha for you .
The Clarksburg telegram. [volume] (Clarksburg, W. Va.) 1874-1926, 1905-06-02
PROUD BANKING RECORD.

In the banking business West vir.
ginia has a proud standing as COM
pared to many Of the state of the
Union, in fact, to nearly all of them
Ohio is a big state and a number Of
banks have gone to the bad. West
Virginia, neighboring state
though smaller. has had none to 90
that way, except in a single instance.
In this connection it is well to quote
the Comptroller Of the Currency in
his report for 1904. He SAYS that
"the only states, ETC., in which no
failures oil national banks have oc-
Cured are Maine, Rhode island.
Arizona, Alaska, Hawaii and Porto
Rico. One bank in West Virgi?ia,
temporarily in charge of a receiver,
was subsequently, permitted to re-
open and resume business. This
practically adds West Virginia to
the list of states in which no fail
Iures occurred
Such record i one worthy to he
proud of an certainly speaks loudly
the trrstworthiness of the bankers Of
this state. 1T inprssSas the peonle
of the state everywhere with tho idea
that there is competency, honesty
watchfulness, ca,ltiop and safety in
the conduct Of banking institutions
in West Virginia.
The Clarksburg telegram. [volume] (Clarksburg, W. Va.) 1874-1926, 1905-06-02
.GRAssELIl s oH OILS.

There are fifty-six children al
Grasselli Of school age, and yet there
is no school house there. The near
estis one mile and d half away. The
public highway is bad to it and The
valley is swampy. In fact, it is yir-
tually impossible for tho children at
Grasselli to get to it. The sitia-
tion ought to appeal to the school
authorities. Grasselli is not within
the limits Of the Clarksburg school
district. 1t is situated in Clark and
Simpson districts. Those districts
ought to arrange ut once for school
building there. The number of
children Of school age demands at
least two rooms. They should be
built soSthat additional rooms may
be erected because Of the fact that
within a year or two additional
rooms will be needed. There are
too many children Of school age
there, the Grasselli addition is too
Important and the laws are too strict
to neglect to have a school house
There. 1T is imperative that the
school boards should give the matter
their immediate attention. The
compulsory school law in this in
stance is oppressive, if enforced
without 3 eschool house at that point
and, the boards ought to be held re-
sponsible if they do not meet the
lust wants Of the children There
The Clarksburg telegram. [volume] (Clarksburg, W. Va.) 1874-1926, 1905-06-02
ORDINANCE WRONG.

Pending before the city council
is nm ordinance, by which it is pro-
posed to impose license taxes on a
number of things not already incor-
porated in the city code: An in
spectiop of the ordinance shows that
many of these must pay a tax equal
in amount to the state Tux. For
instance, the real estate broker must
pay the city fifty dollars in addition
TO the fifty dollars he has paid and
must pay TO the state. Tits a mis-
take to impose the taxes in most in
stances as proposed by the city
council, according to the ordinance,
and it is hoped the subject will he
carefully gone over before the ordi.
nance passes. 1t ought not to pass
in its present form. Nor ought ac.
ton to be taken passing ii until The
council has thoroughly Investigated
and considered the matter