New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1905-02-19
THE TALK OF THE DAY.

Professor Benedict at Wesleyan University. is
going TO conduct some experiments with calori-
meter on student taking examination in
French The instrument will show how much heat
is given off by the young mans brain in process of
convincing the instructor of his knowledge. The
captain of the football team has been selected for
the test perhaps because ii is thought he will get
hotter French than any other student
COOK TO ALL WHO CHOOSE TO HEAR.
I avent time for t1ekfus' and 'avent time to
avent time to bother if my close is right behne;
But the Master an the Madame is the dust beneath
my feet.
J cusses when I chooses. when the SWEET is hin my
Wen puts the fowl to roast or sets the covers on
I cusses Whom I chooses, tho I 'aven't time to
For the Master and the Madame is the dust beneath
An hall my hother servants (savin' stubberheld
For DOM as pashn) dasssnt call their soals
An wen the pepper mikes me until the ouse
They covers hin their bosoms an they sly: MY
Cord hits Cook!"
I 'aven't any beauty now. as was comedy girl:
But cooks as would a hangel for the table of
hearl,
And wen I mikes pastry fit for cherrybuns to
I arsks for 'igher wges from the dust beneath my
I began with twerty dollars and I gets a 'undred
But III ave another twenty or I'll ave another
An the Master and the Madame they will gruvel
Wen they hears Cooks buyin ruff-on-rats to
sprinkle hon their rolls.
-(smart Set
"A smaht man." said Uncle Eben. "is a good deal
like razzer. He kin be mighty useful in de right
way. but he kin kick up pow'ful 'sturbance if he
goes ong."-(Washington Star.
Candid-Mr Popinjay-Hod did you like my act
ing our dramatic entertainment?
Lady Crtical-Wen. don't think you made the
mos ToG OF d ESgf G fbinE sonehi.
mo! you had several opportunities to get off the
stage much sooner than you did!"-(L ondon Opin-
ION
In a company Of friends of the late Judge Albert
Mason OF Massachusetts, evening recently, a
Boston clergyman told the following from his per-
sonal experience illustrating Judge Mason's fine
sense of judicial fidelity and honor. After the
close of the Lizzie Borden trial for murder at
which Judge Mason the bench, the clergy
man. who had been very intimate with Judge Ma
son for many years. told him that the members
of his (the clergyman's) family had expressed
wish that it might be known what the inner belief
of Judge Mason to the guilt or innocence
of Miss Borden. And the simple reply was: Even
Mrs. Mason does not know what nay inner
thoughts are in this matter
Representative Lacey's home town of Oskaoosa
once furnished consul to Rome The honor
the beneficiary were variously interpreted by the
said Mr. Lacey looking for Byerss residence resi-
He inquired the way from pedestrian. something
want? returned this Oskaloosan. is it old
few years. Washington Post.
A little Chicago boy named Joseph has, according
to 1.-THE Record Herald very exalted opinion
of his grandmother's knowledge of all things
and likewise. of the father of his country" about
whom many stories have been woven, to the
youngsters delight. Not long ago an older
brother-Joseph boosted of some four years-came
rushing into the room with: Say grandma. what
was George Washngton's politcs?" Grandma was
busily planning garment. and paid little attention
to the question. answering with unusual dreami-
ness. ooh, I don't know" Joseph stopped in his
play and looked her for n moment Then he
said: Don't know! Well. you ought to: you read
your Bible enough"
At the Observation-Disclosures do you expect
to hear what the party at the other end of the
line says unless you mold the receiver to your
Baker-I don't want to hear. It's nv wife I'm
all the talking and of the listening Boston
Transcript
At the trial recently of a man charged
with robbery at Manchester. England accord
ing TO The London Globe It was announced
that the lock of his cell door would have TO be
picked by locksnth before he could be brought
into the dock. While the artiheer piled his tools
on the door the prisoner offered expert criticism
and encouragement from the inside He did not
think much OF the bungling amateur. There was
similar instance not long ago in Lancashi The
officials being unable to open a safe in court a
barrster. who had just got prisoner off for burg
larry, suggested that his client would open il for
them This he did instantly. with piece OF string
and two hairptns
Good Idea.-"They say Miss Hghstepper is going
10 marry army officer"
h,,s Mei: should think tnat man who makes
hsr."-sDetrot Free Press.