St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1905-07-29

| M s! 4A l Z
/. -
"HE CALLED ME- ALL TO MORT"
Why spoze they argued enough or
them two subjects to make a book as
big as a dictionary, but all 10 no pur-
pose. And every chance l had l would
gently but firmly give in my opinion
told her that Augustus wuz No more
to be compared to Jack than a mouse
wuz to eagle, and she said:
"Oh, Aunt Samantha, wouldn't tor
the world have Augustus hear you say
that, though he wouldn't act offended
if he did. for don't believe he coulG
give utterance to a rough or impolite
remark under any circumstances.
SEE 1: jamie, you hain't seen him
under every circumstance, you can't
tell" And went on eppisodin' real
eloquent about not trustin' to outside
appearance, but be cautious and tread
carefully when a LIES happiness wuz
at the stake.
But l felt l wuz jest wastin' all my
first-class eloquence and metafors on
her, they didn't seem to move her a
peg. And so the case stood, and her
folks and l wuz utterly discouraged
and felt that we should have to stand
by and see her fling herself away and
repent it ever afterwards. But never
did I think that SO small object as
sheet of fly paper wuz to do more than
ali my noble flights Of oratory or her
pas and mas weighty arguments.
The way ont wuz jamie had come
down to spend the day with me ard
wanted to go out in the garden and pick
some strawberries. The grass bein'
kinder damp, it had rained that morn
in. she had, at my advice, took off
her pretty white muslin and put on a
gingham wrapper of mine. And she'd
jest got rugged up in it, it Tapped round
her twice and looked awful on her,
when we hearn rap at the door and
jamie run into my bedroom.
l went to the door and who should
stand there but Augustus Meezik
There wuz to be a picnic at the lake
next day and he'd come to invite her,
and KNOWN if do say it, my vittles
are delicious (for it has got OUT he laid
out to spend the day there and stay to
dinner and supper-he as good as told
me so at first
And |, thinkin' many a martyr had
been through worst trials than that
without jawin or breakin' down, made
up my mind latter I'd gin vent to a
few low sithesJ to take it as dispensa-
ton. and bear up under it as well as
could. And | KEEP on with. my work
wuz layin' out soon as busted the
settin'-room to ask him in there and
give jamie chance to git out.
In cIeanin' the room I'd took one
sheet of ly-paper, sticky with flies, from
a stand and put it temporarily on a
chair. and another lay on the edge OF
the table. And as Augustus walked
in with his head up in that polite and
dignifed way of hisen he swep' the
other sheet off on the floor, and it fell
in jest such way that when he walked
in. his head held up by dignity and stiff
collar, and sot down on the one in the
chair, he planted both feet On the one
on the floor.
And jest at this junkter who should
rap at the side of the open door but Jack
Wilson He, too. had come to invite
jamie to the picnic. not KNOWN of
course. of the presence of his rival
Well, Augustus had on new suit of
white linen. and when he got up, and he
made a quicker move than I'd ever seen
him make when be found out what he'd
done. OF course the broad sheet of fly
paper stuck to him like enormous
brown paper patch on his lower back.
At the same time when he tried to
step off On his light russell shoes the
fy-paper stuck to EN- like grim death
and finally broke into, SO he clamped
off with two immense fy-paper soles
fappin' along.
Well. the language that young man
used would be teetotally unfit for pub
LEGATION in any religious or even COM
monty respectable periodical, SO shall
not put word ont down, and can't be
aired to-. But it made the air of my set
tin'-room fairly blue. He called me all to
mort, and as he heard Janie's silvery
laugh from the bedroom he said we had
planned it all and abused her shameful,
too, with his tongue. Why, his language
fairly made JAMIE hold her breath in
surprise and horror.
Jack leaned back his head and laughed
till the tears come. But. good fellow
that he is, he curbed himself in and told
Augustus to set down and he would pull
off the papers. "Set down." Agin ]
won't write down what Augustus SAID;
no. you needn't try to make me; d4s-
sent, as member of the meetin' house
WELL seq Jack, 'lay down on your
face and will pull EN- OF.
Agin language ensued lurid and skair-
full and that won't be tempted to set
down. And how it come out with him
never knew. But he Jumped into his
buggy and driv off furious, and that's
the last ever see of my fy-paper.
But didn't begrech it and would been
w6llin' to used ream oht. tor I never