davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Washington times., 1905-04-02
KoUsED HIS AUDITORS.

Simeon Ford. the clever after-dinner
humoriSt of Manhattan, says II is Wen
70 listen to the most dreary takers, for
sometimes they surprise everybody by
saying clever things He was at a din
ner not long ago when the speaker of
the evening was phenomenally dull and
wordy. but near the end of his long ora
ton he said something very funny. Ev-
e,.ybodv was about ready to fall asleep
when the speaker said: And, now, as
Lady Godiva observed when returning
from her ride. L am nearing my
clothes F" The remark reused his audi
tors to such fits of laughter that the
speaker was forced to take his seat
Brooklyn Eagle. -
The Washington times., 1905-04-02
A Thousand Dollar Piano.

Mrs. Crump. gorgeously arrayed In
flaming red silk, with a flower garden
on her head, sat at fine piano, pound
ing the keys as if her life depended upon
her efforts.
"In the name of tne Holy Moses" ex-
claimed the visitor. stepping over two
children who sat on the floor, playing
with $40 gold pieces. what does all this
mean?"
''Mean! shouted Crump; "Inean. Mr..
The Washington times., 1905-04-02
Woes of an Actor in a
Water Tank Troupe :.
of Thespians.
Everything He Possesses
Attached by Cruel
Constable.
Clad in Evening Dress
He Seeks Employment
in a Coal Mine.

!: Z: e.: s ss= e: ;:s 4; : :; Il: ::
wear remarked the Rowing
Philosopher. ITO hear me talk about
being stranded you'd naturally think I'd
gone UP against this rift of luck about
every ten days during the whole period
OF my lifetime, but that would be an i'm
preston of an exaggeration, for I've
really only been stranded something
like fifteen or sixteen times, and the
bulk of these incidents occurred during
my first two years in the show business.
1 couldn't connect with anything but the
water-tank troupers at that time, and
you can't expect much else from these
Mudville dazziers but a sousing collapse
at the end Of six or eight weeks, an eX-
treme limit of life for most of them.
The incident of the dress suit happened
during the early and ill-starred portion
of nv career
The Washington times., 1905-04-02
'hJW MANY
NUuDS
*NJGAI
MADAM 2 :

to call out sarcastic comments, and
was certain that even the mules and
horses stared in sheer amazement at
the unique figure tramping wearily
along the dusty road.
The Washington times., 1905-04-02

ing and talking with Hrmnsag Bird.
and she frequently accompanied the In
dian maiden to her home
The Washington times., 1905-04-02

to sec if I couldn't get a cheap coat and
vest in exchange for thc coat I had on.
but the place VS. closed and I didn't
in
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1905-11-14

to have recorded dream in
which a bumble-bee stung him
in his left thigh, on a place
where a couple of days later .ap-
peared an ugly ulcer. and Nal
esherbe, the renowned French
author, found himself in dream
attacked by a rowdy who stabbed
him in his left breast with dag
ger in an area where the follow
ing evening he felt the first at
tack OF severe lobar pneumonia.
"The archives of medical re-
ports" the author informs US,
"are heavy with cases of similar
character, which have either re-
ceived no explanation at all, OF
else have been explained away
entirely"
The doctor calls attention to
the fact that dreams depend Oh
some other media than those
know to US as the five senses.
A most conclusive evidence in
favor of this view is found in the
circumstances that even the
blind are able to see dreams-as
witness the experiences recorded
by Helen Keller, "Blind Tom, .
the poet of Paradise Lost" ano
others. Hence the conclusion
seems to be unavoidable tnat i
is only as far as physical vision j:
concerned that the optic nerve
guides and limits the field o
vison.
The author finally arrives a
the deduction that dreaming ane
waking differ in degree and form
of manifestation only,> not il
principle and essence. ''Lik'
waking consciousness, he AYERS
"the dream reveals, but does no
create. The same world tina
surrounds the waking individua
surrounds the dreaming, only th'
viewpoints and media of obser
vation are changed"
Ordinary dreams, Dr.. Gibsel
tells US, are merely undigestet
consciousness, being made up O
longings, desires, anticipations
idle hopes, and miscarried realiza
tons, which, occupying the mine
during the day, are overtaken b,
sleep before having reached thei
fruition.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1905-11-14

No woman can look beautiful without
good health. A womanS good health
depends on those organs peculiarly feml-
nine. and which so often become disor-
dered, causing misery and dragging down
pain. Natures laws are perfect, health
endures if you obey them, but disease
follows disobedience. The. distressing
about by catching cold at critical
period, breathing foul indoors air and
long hours of work and nervous tension.
Go straight to Nature for the cure-to
the forest. DR.. Pierce's Favorite Pre-
scription is Natures cure for the dis
tressing complaints of women. Prof.
King, NJ. D., in his American Dispensa-
tory. says of Black Cohosh or Black
Snake-root-uour early American In
dians set high value on this root IN
diseases of women. 1t is surpassed by
NO other ;drttg, in co1agestiUe conditions
| of the 1o0qts lUhere there are dragging
| pdi7ls and tenderness"
| Lady's Slipper root is rnerve stimulant
! and tonic, improving both circulation and
| nutrition of the nerve centers-favorlng
| sleep and cheerful condition of the mind;
| of service in mental depression, nervous
headache, irregularities OF women with
! despondency PROF. King. Besides the
| above ingredients there are-Golden Seal
Unicorn and Blue Cohosh roots IN Dr
Pierce's Favorite Prescription.
DIR. Pierce's Common Sense Medica
Adviser will be sent free, paper-bound, fol
| 81 one-cent stamps, or cloth pound 1or s.
stamps Over 1000 pages and illustrated
DR.. Pierce's Pleasant Pellets should b.
used with vFavorite Prescription" when
ever laxative is required.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1905-11-14
Good Roads Pay.

ct is the duty OF the country
to place the highways in condi-
ton so as to make hauling from
the farms to the multitudinous
shipping points easy, and that is
"a lesson which has been taught
all over the county by the Nat
ional Good Roads Association, I"
says H. w. Garfield, formerly
connected with the good roads Of
fee of the Department of Agri-
culture, but who has been in the
employ of Multnomah County
for some time experimenting the
construction of the St. Helen's
road.
Mr.. Garfield is an authority on
good roads, and as he is an ex-
pert builder, his ideas have been
given great prominence in the
work tnat has been conducted i'll
various places. He assisted in
building portions of object lessor
roads at Bellingham and at Walla
Walla. The latter is now three
miles in length, as the County
Commissioners Immediately saw
the benefits to be derived by i'm
proved highways as shown by
the demonstration, and arranged
to complete the undertaking.
The St. Helens road is pro.
nounced an excellent piece oi
work, especially is this true of the
first mile leading from the citv,
that was made on more substan-
tial lines than the remainder, as
twill besubject to heavier travel.
A full outfit, including the
most important equipment need
led by county for road operat-
ions would not exceed in cost
$1,000, according to Mr.. Can
fields figures.
''It would be necessary at the
start to purchase rockcrusher
at about 81, 900, a roller for
$3, 900, and an engine for run-
ming the crusher,. and such needs
at $780," said the expert. "Of
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1905-11-14
Thanksgiving Proclamation.

Last Thursday Governor
Chamberlain issued the following
proclamation:
The President of the United
States, in pursuance of a time
honored custom, has designated
Thursday, the goth day of Nov
ember, A. D. 1905, as day OF
general Thanksgiving and prayer.
Our country has much, indeed,
for which TO be thankful. While
wars and rumors OF wars, pesti
lence, earthquake and famine
have disquieted and disturbed
some of the peoples of the earth,
and worse than all of these revo-
luton and riot, born of tyranny
and prosecution, have stained
with the blood Of the innocen,
and helpless the soil of othe,
countries and caused thrones o.
mighty rulers to totter to their
foundations, prosperity, peace
and plenty have fallen to the LOT
|>of our beloved country. Never
in the history Of. our own state
have the people been happier o,
more prosperous and never ba:
there been a brighter outlook fol
future growth and development.
Therefore I, George E. Cham
berlain, Governor of the State O.
Oregon, by virtue of the author
ity in me vested, do hereby Sc
apart Thursday, the goth day o
Novem Der, A. D. 1905, as day
of thanksgiving, and l reques
that the people of this magnif
cient commonwealth do on tina
day abstain from their usua
avocations and return thanks Il
Almighty God for the blessing
which he, i'll his benehcien
wisdom, has seen fit TO bestow.
In witness whereof, I hav,
hereunto set my b; nd and caused
the great seal Of the state to b.
hereunto affixed at the City o
Salem this 9th day of November
in the year Of our Lord, one
thousand hine hundred and FIVE
Signed,
GEORGE E. CHAMBERLAIN,
Governor of Oregon
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1905-11-14
PROVED BY HISTORY.

The facts of history proves be-
yond a shadow of a doubt that
the claim Of the opponents of
Protection that the Protective
Tariffs discourage foreign trade,
compelling foreigners to refuse
to buy American products be-
cause foreigners will not buy
where they cannot SELL" has not
solitary fact in experience upon
which to hang as a demonstration
to the people Of the actual results
in our foreign trade. If there is
one thing certain besides the fact
that Protection gives revenues
where lower Tariffs fail to supply
adequate funds for Government
use it is the plain truth recorded
in the pages of the experiences
of the American people under al
the Tariff laws which the country
has known in twenty-five year:
that adequate Protective Tariff
laws are accompanied by increas
ed foreign trade, exports as wei
as imports. Foreigners do no
refuse to buy American product
when we have Protective Tariffs
Under Protection they buy NOR
generously than they do unde
lower Tariffs. Milford (Mass
Journal. -
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1905-11-14

course, dump wagons could be
used with teams, as is the Gus
tom in many places, but if the
scene of operations was over three
miles from the crusher, a regular
road locomotive with the dump
wagons built for that purpose
would be preferable to teams, and
would mean that strong bridges
would be required to support the
engine and train.
''In starting a road, the rock
is divided into three classes; the
first is placed on the, bottom for
the foundation, aud usually it
does not exceed 2H inches in
diameter; the second is not more
than IA inches, and is laid on
the foundation; the third is a
dust or binder with which each
course Or layer Of rock is bound
ed. and the dust is thoroughly
rolled- in each instance, The
road is so built that it drains from
the center or crown, and one i'm
portant factor in constructing a
good highway is to have the
drainage bitches placed SO thai
the water may be carried of
quickly.
"Gravel is not SO good ma
t. rial as crushed rock. Wher
gravel is used there is a strong
, likelihood that the round stone
will turn by coming in contac
: with wagon wheels, aud in tha
, way they are disledged, and in ;
, short time hole is worn in th
, surface; and then it IS usual,
found that a gravel road does nc
| shed water, as do those built c
crushed material. -..
''It must not be thought tha
e road can be constructed an
: then left to take care of il
f |self. The cost of the road de
: pends largely on the distanc
f from which material can be hau
8 ed and the methods employed
transport it. It will vary unde
= those conditions from $1,000
= $1,000 a mile. The St. Heller
u road was built comparativel
i nheaply.''
it Mr.. Garfield is a believer i
e the employment of convict labe
r on public roads. He says sue
k practice does not interfere wit
II free labor. He is a strong SUP
J., porter of the theories of Count
n Judge Webster on that question.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1905-11-14
DEAL WITH CUMMINS.

Governor Cummins refuses to
follow the wise suggestions
made by Senator Dolliver recent
ly, which were to the effect that
we should print the fundamental
principles of our party in large
type and leave the matters upon
which we differ for conservative
discussion in lower case letters,
and comes out in favor of in
creasing factional strife. The
Governors speech will be pleas
ing to Democracy because it
presages continued factionalism
and because in what Governor
Cummins has to say about the
Tariff he takes Democratic
ground. His speech differs in no
particular from those delivered
by Democrats when the McKin-
ley bill was under fire. No man
honestly in favor Of Protection
would charge against its applica-
tion the things the Governor
charges against the Dingley law.
Governor Cummins is anything
but a wise leader, and we have
no hesitancy in predicting that
as a factor Of influencing Repub-
lican thought on the Tariff he
will fail as completely and as
conspicuously as he failed in the
early COS as a vociferous cham
pion of free and unlimited coin
age of silver mot only of Ameri-
ca, but of all the world"
There is not now nor has there
been any widespread demand for
change in our Tariff law. OF
course, no Tariff law is perfect.
Human ingenuity could not
frame a Tariff law that would
suit everybody. But the one we
have has on the whole worked sc
well that even the Democrats
quietly acquiesced in it until
stirred to activity by such agita.
tors as Governor Cummins. The
President Of the United States
has been most emphatic in ex.
pressing his views upon the mat.
ter, and they ale to the effect
that when a Tariff law is work.
ing reasonably well it ought not
to be disturbed unless the bene-
fits to result from a change man.
ifestly outweigh the acknowl.
edged disadvantages which re.
suit from a tear up Of theTariff. :.
Cedar Rapids (Iowa) Republican
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1905-11-14

Boys Norfolk Suits sizes to 15 well tailored strong and
servceable So 90 to SO 90
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1905-11-14
Dynamics of Dreams.

In recent issue of the New
York Medical Record, DR.. Axel
Emil Gibson discourses on the
stuff that dreams are made Of"
In this lengthy article some in
teresting information is given.
For instance, Harvey, of the
vascular circulation fame, is said
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1905-11-14

by alleged articles from the pen
of John D. Rockefeller. If such
and such article did not come
from his pen, then it was in the
nature of an interview etc. So
things have gone on until a rea-
sonably sane person is disgusted
and feels like yelling ''rot!H" as
loudly as he can bawl whenever
his eye catches sight of "John D.
Rockefeller. -
First one thing and then
another has been attributed to
him and press and pulpit have
We'd with each other in vilifying
or eulogizing him as the occasion
seems to require. One article
we read from. the pen Of "John
D." tells how he became the
richest man in the world, while
another states that ''I would
give all that I possess for one
hour of the pure devotion that
knew when I was a child. +"
For being rich the world seems
to hate, at least envy, Mr.. Rock
efeller-and yet we want to be
rich. Not one Of us do anything
without hope of reward. From
minister to politician is not ;
great step when it comes to tn
matter of reward. The differ
ence lies in what constitutes tn
reward. What compensates on
man for his effort would b
scorned by some other man. w
measure things by our ow
standard, and thinking make
it so" is our rule.
There is a lot Of silly nonsens
about tainted money, nova
days. AS though lucre itse
could partake of any qualities
good or bad. The power {
money for good or evil depend
wholly upon the Individual po
sessing the lucre. For all "
0 may rail at Rockefeller and hol
S his greed up as an example {
: evil that the young may prof
t thereby, few Of us would refus
Il his dollars should they come Of
e way in sufficient numbers. Ia.
n about the coil king as you W
e chatter does not change CO..
), ditions. John D'' may be
/ his dotage and his mind at ii
e present time largely occupied
) conjecture on the hereafter, po
it sibly with some regrets for pa
n manoeuvers, and in consequent
r Of said dotage committing FOOLS
e acts and saying silly things, b
C those of us who are hone
o enough to admit the fact tn
d money makes the mare &C
/ would if opportunity offered al
n take a chance on some of "Jol
n DIS tainted money!
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1905-11-14
BELIEVE NOT ALL.

When a ma.a or woman reads
an article in a reputable journal
they are quite likely to place
credence in its authenticity.
Could we believe all we read, or
even the half of it, how fortu-
nate we would be. For many
months past we have been edited
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1905-11-14

The subscription price of the GAZETTE
for several years has been. and remains.
81 per annum, or Is per cent discount if
paid in advance
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1905-11-14
A Disastrous Calamity .

It is disastrous calamity, when you
lose your health, because indigestion and
constipation have sapped it away
Prompt relief can be had in DR.. Kings
New Life Pills. They build up the di-
gestive organs, and cure headache, dizzl-
ness, collie, constipation, etc. Guaran-
teed at Allen & Woodward's drug store.
'25e.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1905-11-14
he CORVALLIS GAZETTE

Published tuesdays and Fridays by
GAZETTE PUBLISHING COMPANY.
Highland recorder. (Monterey, Highland County, Va.) 1877-1972, 1905-02-17
Election Bet

Walter A. Rettan passed through
Monterey Monday at II a. M. and
called in at the Recorder office: Mr.
Rettan is walking from Buffalo,
N. Y. to jackson, Florida, in pay
ment of all election bet made last
November. Mr. Kettan took the
Democratic side and lost. The
terms of the wager allow the loser
five months time in which to make
the Journey, and 25 cents for ex-
penses with which amount Mr. Ret
tan is supposed to feed and clothe
himself, should he break any pro
vision of the agreement he must
forfeit 100000. MIR. Retain lost
his way crossing from Huttonsville
to Durbin and spent the night
near White Top, which he says
was tie worst day and night ex'
perienced on his long journey. So
far the traveller has come 559 miles
He started out the I'd of January
and has done very we'll considering
the weather.
Mr.. Rettan stopped over Sunday
with Mr. Oliver Gum, of Hlghtowr
and says he is one of the fines
men he ever met.
The traveller goes through tt
Stanton and then south by way
of Lexington.
Highland recorder. (Monterey, Highland County, Va.) 1877-1972, 1905-02-17

Prof George Fl HulveY, Sup't OF
Schools of Rockingham, has an
nonnced himself candidate fol
State Superintendent of public ln-
struction, to succeed DR. } W South
all, whose term expires next fall
The hve-months' term of the
Monterey High School closed this
week. Misses Keister and Gibson
will each teach a private school. In
spite of very stormy weather. the
attendance has kept up we'll. and
all the teachers have gwen salts
faction.
For SALE-A Basket Sleigh. APP
|, ply at this office.
WANTED: Intelligent and ener'
getic Local Agents to represent the
Ordinary Branch of Life lnsur-
ance Company of Vi rginia. LIB,
eral commission contracts. Good
opportunity for right men. Refer
ences required. State experience,
if any. Address
w Il ELLERsoN, Gen'l Agt.,
P.O. box SS4, Richmond, Va.
Rev H A Murrill, in the South
ern Methodist, says "all the High
land preachers, from Hardscrabble
to Jerkemtight, are busily wading
snow drifts, and closing up their
work for the conference year.
The two extreme points men toned
are more appropriate than historic.
In fact, their appropriateness this
season seems to be ''from everlast-
ing to everlasting"
Ginghams aud percales-largest
stock, lowest prices. Shreckhlse y
Bear.
FARM FOR SALE-I offer for sale
my farm of 400 acres, situated in
the valley of huntsville, l4m north
of Warm Springs. This farm con-
tains one of the finest sheep and cat
tie ranges in the county. For fur
Their information apply to W. b.
Burns William burg, Va,
EN- broideries and White Goods
at right prices. Shreckhise & Bear.
Came at last-Call at G. W. Trim
ble's store, and get a sample pack
age of stock food.
Highland recorder. (Monterey, Highland County, Va.) 1877-1972, 1905-02-17
A Protest
Highland Recorder:

Highland Recorder:
1t is no new thing for newspapers
east of us, to contain matter about
our county, unjust to us, and pIac-
ing us in a false light before the
world. Corresponds ITS, and Others
seeking news, fill then "ommuhlca-
tions with grain of fact and the
balance fiction. and we are adver-
tised to the world as living for SIX
months in perpetual snow, our
roads blocked with drifts, and I'M
passable, and the other six months
of the wear hedged about on al
sides BY monster rattle snakes.
1t is true, now and then, they
allow US to ship out drove OF cat
tie between the snow drifts and the
snakes; and now comes churcI
paper, taking its information from
these sources. and SAYS we are "cu'
off from all communication, b,
snow drifts in the mountain
masses, and not until the sun comes
back from the south, aid SHOWS
melt into the streams, will we near
how the world moves on" The
hone was entertained by the good
editor Of this church paper that W.T.
have fuel and food, in good store
while in our repose and hiherna
ton" :,
Now, Mr. Editor, can't you tel
them better? Tell them of ou
never failing daily mails, east, west
north and south, one b. +. D., ou|
telephone conneetions-that McCu
was hanged at 1885 "A. M. and W
had the news by s a. m; tell then
that we are not ''hibernatlng, bu
much alive, and up-to-date, wit
! the news of the world; plenty o
fuel and plenty of food don't lie
your people be classed with tn
Esquimaux any longer.
Fair Play.
Highland recorder. (Monterey, Highland County, Va.) 1877-1972, 1905-02-17
Valley Center Items.

Feb. Is. 1905.
Well it seems as if the cold
weather is still holding on pretty
we'll and plenty of snow on tor
sleigh riding. =,
The sick Of our vicinity are all
improving. Aunt Sarah Matheny,
Aunt Matilda Bird and Aunt Mary
Doyle are all better.
Mrs Lizzie Lightner is improving
but very slowly, we are sorry to
say. 90,
Mr. Sidney Wade's children are
al! Oh the sick list this week:
Mr. Frank Campbell and Mr.
Adam Lightner were the guests OF
MIR G Arson Bird, Friday.
Our school is progressing nicely
under the management Of MIR 5 b
Rexrode.
Mr. CLARENCE Bird is spending MS
leisure time fox chasing this win:
Ter. as he has gotten all the dear
he cares for.
Mr. Ed Stewart and Mr. Ed Ma
thcny are preparing to make sugar
at Mr. E A Wade's sugar camp.
Miss Georgia Hiner has beel
conducting quite an interesting
cottage prayer service th Is week,
Mr. Kenton Bird of Augusta
county is visiting relatives i'll this
vicinity.
Miss Maud Stewart is visiting
her brother, Mr. Ed Stewart.
/ Mrs NJ B Campbell and Mis-
jamie Bird visited MIS- g Ansol
Bird Saturday.
MIR L W Lightner had some shee
killed by dogs recently.
Our enterprising merchant, M
sc Williams, made trip to Ito
Springs last week and reports tn
roads very bad.
As this is my first letter | WI
close, wishing the Recorder sue
cess. Snow Bird