The Topeka state journal., 1905-07-18
HVMOR OF THE Day

Il HVMOR OF TIE Day
Knicker-Does Jones know anything of
Instrumental music?
Bocker-No, he thinks he can play the
fool with the soft pedal-Exchange.
'sMy daughter" said Nexdore, ais quite
familiar with all the classical composers.
why. she's positively dippant. ."-Phiiadel-
phfa Press
Don't you think her husband Is natur-
rally a gentle. patient man7"
Sometimes think he Is and sometimes
I think she's got him scared. ed."-t1ouston
Post.
Mrs. Newlywed (to her friendl-Mary.
want to ask you a question. The other
uncle had 1t; this morning his diamond pin
was missing and he said his uncle had
who gets all Of his THINKS? '--'~-0
Her Friend "a woman who knows 4.
thing or twol-No, dear; my husbands
PEARL suffered him to steal a kiss last
kuby-The nerve! And did you call
Peari-No. I am brave suffered in ST.
lence.-Chica- News.
And" said the chief of the Census Bu-
reau to the enumerator, be sure to make
the women tell their age
do you you think I'd be holding this kind Of
a job If could perform miracles ?"-Port-
land (ore.) Telegram.
Sunday School Teacher-wouldn't you
like to dwell in heaven, Johnny?
Johnny-No. ma'am- We've moved three
times already this year and I'm getting
tired of helpin' pack up.-Chicago News.
"But, Bertie," said his mother, ''you ask
ed me for two cakes and I gave them to
mo, amt growled BERTHE. ''You was
didn't ask fur four" ur."-PhiiadeIphia Press.
woman's clothes are a fine thing to
give a man an idea of how much there is
in the world he can never understand
Burlington Evening Gazette.
sicians get busy.
What do you think of his singing?"
81 think he would be foolish to sue 3
musical critic for libel.'-Brooklyn Life.
Mr. wise-My brother particularly re-
quested that you should sing at his fu-
neral
Mr. wise-so everybody would feel sorry
he was dead, guess.-Exchange.
King Alfonso ran down and killed a
poor little Spanish donkey. the other day.
Wed like to see King Alfonso run down
and kill a Georgia mule In good rear work.
ing order.-Atlanta Constitution.
n''Here, take this rifel,- cried the excited
Snowman; the leopard has escaped. If
you find him shoot him on the spot
employee.-Exchange
Deacon Jones-In the better land every
thing will be made known.
ways wondered how old Sarah Wilson
was.-Boston Transcript
Money makes the mare co.
'It can't always makeAthe automobile
run, though. Town and Country.
..For goodness sake, What's that noise?'
The girl next door is having her voice
cultivated"
.sHuhl Apparently the process of culti-
walton has reached the narrowing season"
Philadelphia Press.
Rev Mr.. sapley-Tm collecting for our
drunkard's home. madam.
Mrs. Ardtack-Oh. are you? Well. call
around about midnight and you can have
my Bill.-Modern Society
mock is far more comfortable with two
persons in it than one.
Country Subscriber-You print awful
lies in your paper. How can you swaI-
low such big yarns?
Country Editor-I have a patent in
side.'-Cleveland Leader.
Johnny Jinks-GeeiH How'd you hurt your
hand?
Bobble wabbles-I had giant cracker.
and don't know whether I held on to it
too long or didn't let go quick enough
Puck.
Lucky is the man whose troubles don't
bother him any more than tney DO ms
She-There's an awfu1iy funny joke
heard today about an Irishman in an au-
He~Yes. dear: I heard it.
She-Oh, you mean thing; I wanted to
He-Go ahead, dear; it will be even fun
nier the way you tell it.-Philadeiphia
Press.
Two sleeps-How late do you usually
sleep on Sunday morning?
DO you mean before Or after?
Before or after what?"
Philadelphia Public Ledger.
Dugan-Th' pa-papers had a shtory yes
terdah, that I'd been killed by prrena-
Hogan-An' ye wasn't!
Dugan-No, 'twasn't me. But I'd be in
2; foine ;, mess @ new Il. T.. was one th't be-
I?-C1eveIand Leader.
POINTED PARAGRAPHS.
CFrom the Chicago News.J
Every wise man takes his turn at
acting foolish
Love is disease of the head that
affects the heart.
A statement isn't necessarily false
because you dfsbeHeve it.
Dollars are more plentiful with some
men than common sense.
What an admirable voice the aver
age woman has for destroying silence!