Perth Amboy evening news., 1905-10-10
PA LEAVES THE FARM

out on the eranda where the lord and
master of the Jones family was COM
placently pulling soft coal smoke
through a Hedge Corner Havana;
"how much longer do you intend to re-
main on this farm. How much longer
do you purpose using Cousin Hez for
a good thing? | want to tell you right
here that | am tired of it! I am tired
of hearing the cows sigh in the dead of
night! | am tired of hearing the owls
boot at the sne,AIg chickens! l. am
tired of seeing 80 make a zap Of your
self! l am"
rs that so, madam? Is that so. an
gel wife?" interrupted pa in a tantaliz-
ing tone. 81 am very sorry to hear it!
1t almost makes me sob! 1t hurts my
heart like paying a coal bill in the mid
die of summer! 1t jolts my soul almost
as much as hearing your dear mother
try to sing! But | am afraid | can't help
you, deal hearti l like Hedge Cornersl
fact, | am SO infatuated with the place
that | think | will remain here until
chestnuts are ripe and help Cousin Hez
to husk corn! You never husked corn.
did you, l~ovey-dovey? All that you
have to do is"
Mr.. JONES' was the annoyed inter-
lection Of ma, will you be good enough
to talk sense? Will o kindly forget
for a moment that you are a lunatic?
Will you be a Jones all your life? You
may stay here forever If you want to,
but want you to distinctly understand
that | am going to leave!"
rs that so, madame? Is that SO, de-
voted c%reature?" reiterated pa, in voice
full accents. "Well don't o believe
it! Don't you even dream it! | will
have you to know that | am the guiding
star of the Jones destinyi l will have
you to know that | am the two-horse
team and the whole wagon when 1t
comes to saying what Is what in the FAM
lily of you Uncle Henry! l intend to
stay here until Cousin Hez throws me
out! | intend to stay here until the
frost is on the pumpkin! am going to
stay here and go to the county fair! l
Am going to stay and help the farmers
get in their ice! am"
"Of course, you will do as you please"
interposed ma, assuming a foxey air.
But l shouldn't think that you would
about your poverty! | shouldn't think
that you would want the impression to
go forth that you were getting so poor
that you couldn't afford to go to the
seashore! Only yesterday I received a
letter from a lady next door telling
how sorry she was to hear of our mis-
fortune! She said she understood that
we had to go to the country to curtail
expenses, and that we might even have
to sell the house and mov into a
smaller"
Whats that, madam? What's that,
Mrs. Jones?" was the irate rejoinder of
pa. do you mean to tell me that the
neighbors are assuming that we are
going to the almshouse? Do you mean
to tell me that those cosby neighbors
of yours are saying that | am on the
verge of bankruptcy? They don't know
me, Smithy! They don't know me!
They want to be introduced They
want to shake my hand and hear the
money rattle! They"
well. here is the letter" returned the
artful ma, with q concealed smile.
Read it for yourself! l am not sur
prised at what the people are saying!
l would say it myself If l saw II OF
our neighbors hiding in the country in
stead of going to the seashore or noun
tains! Beside, it is all your own fault!
You put on a lifesize BLUM at home, and
then come down in this dreary spot and
die out like a morning glory! I told
you"
"They think that have gone broke,
do they?" parked Pa, with a wild. eyed
glare, as he returned the letter to ma.
"They think that | am on the broad
and battered way that leads to the soup
house! Well, I'll show them a trick or
two that will euchre the whole cackling
lott I'm not a Rockefeller! Neither
have | got as much money as a counter
Jumping dude! But I think | can rake
up the price of a few polished airs at
Atlantic City and have enough left to
put a smile on the butcher and grocery
man when | get home? What are you
hanging around here for? Why don't
you pack your trunk? Where is my suit
case? Tell your dear mother to go GU
and catch little Fido! Edythe, droI
that country slang and give your as the
long sound! We are going to see who
are swimming in the wild and washy
waves! We are"
DO you really mean 1t, Henry?'
asked the joyous ma. Are you"
"You bet | mean it, Mrs. Jones! Yot
bet | mean iti' was the steamful reply
of pa. do you think that would try
to kid you? Do you think that an
giving you a game of josh! Not on YOU
life, precious pet! Not on your life!
am going to cut a swath at the sea
shore ten feet wider than the board
walk. | am going to show a few city
geezers on the Jones thoroughfare VIVA
a busted financier looks like! Good-by
Hedge Corner! Good-by, old farm
good-by."
That afternoon the Jones family