Windham County reformer. (Brattleboro, Vt.) 1901-1906, 1905-08-11
THE MEDDLER.
"IfMr coat ms yon PIT /" en-

There Is no more insidious uis'"I T,
nowadays than automobile FEVER co.
may exist In persons System ,ns
months without marked symptoms
and then suddenly become actiVe u.
such a yirulent form that nothing ~,
an extensive operation VIII enec'
cure. In Brattleboro II Is gettins w.
no almost as common as appendicitis
ana fully as fashionable, ana the pei
nile who have suffered from It's raVnsos
In this town alone number more .na,
threa SCORE II is extremely difhcuit
nj first TO diagnose the disease iioIn
the very fact that its character IL %
treacherous. but a trained observe,
especially one who has himself nau
touch of the malady. can uise' A.
symptoms long before the victim 10
aware of the danger OF his cohu'''o"
one of the very first indications OF
the nresence of the bacillus autofno,
hilius IL n slight turning of the head
in the direction of every passing I'LL
chine. AS the germ gathers strehs.n
the victim In whose system II 10
work will occasionally stop ana eas.
a casual glance at some car stahuIns
at the edge Of the street. ana pernap'
inquire of a bystander as TO lts iiiahs'
The next stage of the disease i'ian
tests itself In suddeniy-awan.,"Ii a.,
interest on the part of the patient III
the automobile advertisements IN the
magazines. and he will peruse therl
thoroughly without a slightest trace
of the ennui which such task wouiu
have caused few weeks previous
This Is followed by an insane deslre
TO learn the meanings of the various
terms In the aforementioned adveI
tisements. and, as a rule. can only pe
aIleyiated by the purchase OF a TEX.
hook on steam engines and gasoline
motors, or something similar anu
equally battling.
When the disease has reached TINS
stage 1t Is easily noticeable. YET too
far advanced to yield to anything pu.
heroic treatment. Cures are saiu "
have been effected by dipping the pa
tient three times daily in warm
gasolene bath and giving frequen.
doses of cylinder oil and sugar ou.
even this method is likely to prove
futile for the reason that the patients
system has become so abnormal that
he often thrives under such measures.
He Is now at that point where ne
leaves his desk every time a car passes
and gazes lovingly at 1t through the
Office window. II a machine Stops
anywhere near him he Immediately
ascertains its manufacture and norse-
mower and does not leave until ne mas
learned whether II has two or three
cylinder motor. a planetary or sliding
gear transmission. TWO OF tniec
speeds an automatic sparker or az,
apple dynamo arrangement IN place u
batteries If he can get the chauiIeul
ear he VIII not stop until he has fouhd
All how many miles the machine has
heen run. how many tires have been
bought during that time, and last put
not least how much such machihe
sells for.
Rut the worst cases of automobile
fever can always be found at the
garage. and it is there that the STU
dent of the disease must go II ne
would learn about 1t in its typicai
form. Almost daily numerous victims
gather there and spend hours breath
ING deeply of the carburetted atmos-
phere which seems to soothe yet III
reality aggravates the maiady Iney
can tell by sound whether machihe
has a one, two, three or four cyiihuer
motor and whether that motor Is ar
or water-cooieu. iley hiioM
every machine Is manufactured its
price. horsepower. the length OF It's
wheel-base and it's various advantages
and disadvantages. They seem 70 ma
amusement in walking In and OUT
among the different machines In the
garage. occasionally patting the lever
Of one or soothing the upholstery OF
another To these men 1t Is not
question of whether they can buy
machine and still live as before, put
whether they can live at all II they
don't buy one
There Is only one immediate cure
for automobile fever in this malig-
nant type and that lies in an operation
which costs from $3.50 to $4,000. some
times more. The operation consists in
going to Boston or some other city IN
company with an agent and rldlns
home with him in your own car. Or
dinarily the worst features of the dls-
ease will begin to disappear with the
beginning of the return trip, and by
the time you get home you are trans
formed from driveing maniac to an
automobile owner. To be sure the
operation may leave you confirmed
subject to speed malaria. but such
minor ailment does not prevent mes
being worth living.
The Meddler.