Wausau pilot. [volume] (Wausau, Wis.) 1896-1940, 1905-08-29

Clare-But. my dear, it is a secret.
vowed on my honor never to tell.
Marie-Well, I'm listening.--Le Frou-
Frou.
Its a beautiful worIdw exclaimed
the caddie, enthusiastically. "Yes,"
SAID Mr.. Rockefeller. looking apprecfa-
lively about; Il don't know that ever
owned better one."-Life.
Acknowledgements wife used to be
awfully stout and now she is quite
thin. What caused the change, won
derF Marlow-Divorie. This isn't the
same wife.-Town and Country.
Cholly-I s-say, guide; l think we
are following these bear tracks in the
wrong direction. Guide-O. no. We
Will soon catch up with him. Chony-
T-thats what l mmeant-Judge.
Gaspard De Chugchug-Di-did mon
sieur advertise for a chauffeur? Old
Grigsby-I did, but you amt the one
I'm hoping the son or a gun will apply
who ran over me last week-Puck.
Are prices regulated by supply and
demandY' Certainly" answered tho
trust dictator; by whatever supply we
choose to have on hand and whatever
demand we choose to make."-Wash-
ington Star.
He l presume you carry a memento
of some kind in that locket of yours?
She-Precisely. 1t is a lock of my hus-
bands hair. He-But your husband Is
still alive. She-But his hair is az
gOne.-Judge.
Professor Chalkdown-Now, what
little boy will make up a sentence il
Illustrating the meaning of the word
triangle? Little Sammy-Wen. If
grubs won't ketch 'em try angle
worms.-Judge.
First dune-Well, do you think Miss
Van Gullion intends to buy you? Sec
Ond duke-My dear boy, don't know.
Some days | think she does; at other
time 1 fear she is merely shopping
Hartford Times.
Tom-Now that your engagement is
broken are you going to make Clarissa
send back your letters? GeOrge-You
bet l am! / worked hard on those let
tiers; they's worth using againw-De-
troit Free Press.
Hostess-Shall help you to the
cake, Tommy? Tommy-No'm. Let
me help meself first. Ma told me not
to help meself more'n onct, You can
help me all you please afterward.-
Philadelphia Ledger.
DR.. Jones-My dear sir. have just
been to call on your wife's mother and
her condition is very serious. Smith
Tell me the plain truth, doctor. Am
l to fear for the best or hope for the
worst?- Town and Coutry.
"Sta, t. show that more than five
thousand people disappear every year
in this country and are never heard
from again" But confound it, they
never happen to be the people we owe
money tO."-Chicago Record Herald.
Grinnand Barrett-Hamfatter has
just bought a farm. E. Forest Frost
Does he know anything about farm
ing? Grinnand Barrett-Lord, yes!
Why he played in THE Old Home
stead" and Way Down East" for
years.-Puck.
Hello! Where are you walking in
such a hurry?" Fellow just stole my
auto and ent down this road" But
surely you don't expect to overtake
him on foot?" Sure. He forgot to
take the repair kit with him"-Phila-
deiphia Ledger.
well, Emily, did you have a good
time at the masked baIl?" "Oh! / had
the time of my life. l had got my
husband to dress up as a knight in
heavy armor, and he wasn't able to
bulge from one spot all night
Thegende Batter.
Kind lady-Oh, what a naughty lit
tie boy you have! Doesn't he know it's
wrong to hit his mother with that big
stick? Proud mother-Och: done
blame me choild, ma'am. He's only do
ing what he sees his father do, bless
m.-Pick-Me-Up.
Little Clarence-Paw-uhl Mr.. Cal
lipers-Well. my son? Little Clarence
Paw, when Il doctor is sick and calls
In another doctor to doctor him, is the
doctor dOctOred the way he wants 10 be
doctored, or does the doctor doctor him
Just as he thinks he ought to be doc
tored PUCK
She-There's an awfully funny joke
l heard today about an freshman in an
He-Yes, dear; l heard
it She-Oh. you mean thing! I
wanted to tell it to you. 1t was so
funny. He-Go ahead, dear, it will be,
even funnier the way you tell it
Philadelphia Press.
What is the difference between a
practical and a theoretical farmer?"
"A theoretical farmer" answered
Farmer Corntossel, sis one that insists
or tryin' to make Twin off the farm
an the practical one jes' faces the in
evitable an turns the place over to
summer boarders. Washington Star.