Kingsbury County independent. (DeSmet, Kingsbury County, S.D.) 1894-1929, 1905-05-26
COULD REALLY SHORE.

Washington Star: The fat sleeper
i'm the middle of the smoking car was
snoring like a lumberjack after the
spring drive.
The man with the store clothes n
the black glazed bag, in the seat be-
hind, regarded the fat sleeper curious
ly.
Right smart on the snore, hey?" he
remarked TO his seatmate, who nodded.
That is to say" went on the man
with the black glazed bag, he's some
on the snore as snorin' goes back this
away, but his work sounds X a
jewsharp alongside a bass drum In
comparison with h snorin' o. Ficks
Pluffey, out my way"
'Ficks," commented the seatmate of
the man with the black glazed bag,
must ha' been a some noisy slumber-
err
That's what Ficks was" said the
man with the black glazed bag. "Ficks
holds the Kansas record for snorin' at
all distances, from a jump TO four
miles, and there's a heap O. powerful
snorers out In Kansas. at hat. F1cks
Pluffey druv a coal wagon out in
Leavenworth, and he lived next door
t me. So / ought t nov Ficks KEEP
me shorin' up my shack with railroad
ties for five years, on account of his
snorin'. AT that, Ficks snored so hard
one night that the blamed wickieup fell
in on me vile / was in my bunk, and
l like to've piped out right then. That
was when the town got together and
made Ficks sleep out in the woods.
1T was a real drawback t Ficks, his
snorin'. 1t sure was. He was always
gettin' into some kind of a mess along
o. his snorin'. / never will fget the
time III broke up all the cavalry horses
at Fort Leavenworth. The soldiers
havin' what they call monkey-and-Cos-
sack drill on the p'rade groun' on the
Fourth O July, and Ficks Pluffey took
a run up to the post to look 1t over.
VILE waitin' FIR the boss soldiers t
show up Ficks picked out a soft piece
o. grass under a tree over t. the left o.
the p'rade groun', and from chewin' on
blades o. grass and loain' there in the
shade, what does Ficks do but git L
slumberin'. He was off in a spot by
hisself, and nobody knowed that Ficks
was anywhere near the post.
well, the bosses with their riders
came a-rompin' out, a hull regiment,
and purity soon they got t dom them
fancy circus tricks, a-slowin' the bosses
up some SOS { be able T. hang on.
Well, sir, ev'ry one O. them soldiers was
a~-standin' on his head on his hoss's
back, the bosses goin' slow and ever
like, Observation-Disclosures the
trumpet call that meant CHARGE! II
was on'y Ficks wakin' up n lettin'
out a final snore blast, but the bosses
didn't know that, and neither did the
soldiers, FIR it sounded jes' as much like
the trumpet call { charge as the
charge itself. Now, all o. them bosses
in the Fort L~eavenworth cavalry a
been out in Injun fights, and the
charge t them was like what a bar
keeps b~ungstarter 'ud be e me and
you 1t started 'em.
"Ev'ry one O. them thousan' and d
bosses jes' give one big jump at the
sound, and away they went, ev'ry last
soldier ~a-fallin' of-they was standin'
on their heads On the hosses' backs at
the time, / think l newfoundland
ev'ry one o them comm burned peril
Gus near L breakin' their necks. The
bosses, not KNOWN what was dom
without their riders, stampeded FIR the
tall brush fr fair, and most of 'em ran
about twenty-five miles before they
was corraled, and hat want till five
days later on. Most O. the soldiers had
L go Z the hospital FIR repairs, bein'
all bunged up from fallin' OF their
heads, and o kin bet the kunnel O
the regiment was more than red-head-
ed about it. Then an officers kid that
had slipped up clus T. Were Ficks lay
told the old man that it had been Ficks
Pluffey that had sounded the charge
a%-snorin', and Ficks had t. stink up t
Atchison and stay there a month or so
till the thing blowed over, or the SOL
diers would sure ha' killed him.
We'll, wen vile that hard luck
Ficks was up in Atchison he couldn't
keep out O. trouble on accoun o. his
snorin'. He came so near wreckin' a
'em t'gether headon that the railroad
folks threatened L send him t state
prison FIR life if he didn't make a move
back L Were he came from.
1T seems that Ficks was sleepin' one
night in a clump o. bushes alongside
the railroad track, when a long freight
train pulled up clus L Were he Law.
There was a hot box or somethin' the
matter with the engine, and the freight
had t be stopped right there on the
main track.
THE overland express from the other
direction was due right then, too, and
a brakeman was jes' startin' forward
with a red lantern t signal the passen-
ger train t pull UP until the freight
could get under way L make the din
Wen, 10 and b'hold, the whistle o. In
passenger train was heard in the dis
anc up the track. Well, that whistle
O. the passenger train sort o. got Ficks
Pluffey { dreamin', as he lay there
alongside the track, and durn my
whiskers IL he didn't in his sleep let
out a snore that could ha' been heard
ten miles, n that meant all right
track clear-we're on the sidin'. The
freight crew was SO kerfiummoxed FIR
a minnit that they didn't know which
way Z turn, but they heard the passen-
ger train a~-thunderin' down upon them,
and the brakeman he'd jes' time Z rush
forward, wayin' his red lantern with
all his might, and stop the passenger
train, the engine o. which came L q
halt on'y about an eighth Of an inch
away from the helpless freight engine.
1t was the narrowest shave ever know
ed in western ~railroadin', and wen the
two crews investigated the source o.
the snored whistle and found Ficks still
asleep, they booted him awake and
handled him somethin' s~candalous, and
poor Ftcks vas warned Z git out o..
Atchison before daylight