Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1905-05-13
INJ0N KILLERS FATE

Every time 1 read in the papers one of
been a good many runaway-boy stories in
Washington papers lately-I fall to think
ing of a little experience of my own at
that game" observed the complaisant-look-
ing. double-chinned man.
Happened when / was at the iiicke!-lit-
erature age, and 1 was living on Capitol
Hill at the time. The home-and-mother
business began to look like a heap of a
bother to me. and so decided TO flag it.
II separated s. cents from my mothers
pocketbook acquired surreptitious possess
sion of my fathers revolver. stuffed half a
loaf of bread and overlooked can of sar-
dimes from the ice5ox into my pockets. and
set my face toward the land of the setting
sun, for the purpose of making the lnjuns
look like a strictly fireproof building in the
act of burning to the ground.
"Of course, l afterward ascertained
my father and mother were keenly alarmed
when they found that | was gone-when l,
the great trapper, njun-eXtnguisher and
all-around vicious man, failed TO turn up
for dinner and they instituted an unsuc-
cessful search for me.
But they didn't need to search much.
Along about 10 oo,ock that night the terror
of the red man, meaning me, sneaked IN the
back way of his own voition
Might had come on apace. emptiness had
srpped me in the region of the waistband,
and l had figured that the time wasn't ex-
actly propitious for my departure into the
mighty forest; SO / had liked back from
the point on the Eastern branch. where
had been swimmin' with the rest of the
Injun-kilers all day. l returned with
fear of the shadows in my soul and pow
erful bunch as to the things that were go
ing to happen unto me when 1 made my be-
lated appearance at my own fireside.
MY bunch was correct. l tried to slip in
4 II, tl,aI L oh,
en-. and was trying to sneak up the back
stairs, when my dad, who was about to
start out to notify the police of my disap-
pearanee, heard the noise. He made his
way to the foot of the back stairs with
light, and saw his missing son and heir
crouching about midway of the steps. look
ing real innocent and sad, and the large
bulldog revolver sticking out of my hind
pocket.
".Ah! mighty Shoot Straight and-True,
death-dealing paleface, thou hast returned.
hast thou?' remarked my dad. getting a
triple twist around my collar with one hand
and reaching for the strap that hung in the
kitchen with the other. Thou hast come
back to the lowly tepee of thy fathers, hey?
CWhack) Swift-as-the- Antelope thy ar
rival is timely. (Biff.) Thy wickieup is all
in order. and thou art about to get all that is
a-coming unto thee. Scourge of the Track
less Forest! (Zipp) Thy father has ached
to give thee a personally-conducted imita-
ton of another red man biting the dust. .
Pitiless Plague of the Comanches! Qam.)
For your old father is a pretty DANCED bad
Injun himself, Roaring Elk of the Great
White North! (Zippy -zpp) He's the hot
test article in the way of bad lnjun that
thou art liable to stack up against in the
course of many days hiking toward the
land of the setting SUM- tWhoosh-bff)
When it comes to the hunt gag and the trap
thing and the man-eat and the scalp-take,
he's aces himself. (Wheeshwhoosh-bff)
How's this for Custer massacre on re-
duced canvas, O laundering Moose-About-
to-Drnk. hey? Cker-whoosh) Now. gimme
that gun, and dry up your head. and sneak
up FOUNDER to bed you miserable little
whelp. and if | hear two more beats out of
you during the next three weeks you'll go
right on eating your meals standing up for
the rest of the summer. and that amt no
Deadville Gulch hop-trance, eitherl
well, that's about all, and that's the
answer. never ran away any more"