Holbrook argus., 1905-08-26
GOOD Short tories
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 one day and addressed thus, apparent ly in all seriousness: "Is this the Un- ion Dime Savings Bank?" Yes" Well, I want to know if non-union man can deposit in your bank" A well-dressed man who registered at hotel in St. Joseph, Mo-, casually remarked that he never travelled with out his own fire escape, at the same time exhibiting the contrivance which he carried. Tn case of fire," he said, "l can let myself down from any hotel window" The landlord said, gravely: Our terms for guests with frees capes are cash in advance"
 An Irishman had received employ ment as freight brakeman upon a railway in a mountainous section of Pennsylvania, and was to receive so many cents for each mile he travelled. Upon one of his first trips the engineer lost control of his train, and at dan gerous rate it was speeding down the steep grades. Suddenly the conductor saw his Irish companion standing up not far ahead. Don't jump You'll be killed" he shouted. And do you think I'd be after jumpin' when I'm makin' money as fast as l am nowT replied the Irishman.
 The tribulations of pioneer Western journalists are illustrated by the fol- lowing, which appeared in a journal published at Dodge City In the early sos: "In view of the fact that we cannot pay the road tax of $1O assess ed against us this year, We have been sentenced to certain period of con- finement by the judicial authorities of this State. Consequently, there will be no issue of this paper for the next three weeks; but as the State will, of course, have to board us, we figure that we shall come out some $20 ahead"
 An Englishman, while passing along the main street in Bangor, Me, step- ped in a hole in the sidewalk and, fall ing, broke his leg. He brought suit against the city for one thousand dol lars, and engaged Hannibal Ham, lin for counsel. Hamlin won his case, but the city appealed to the Supreme Court. Here also the decl- sion was for Hamlin's client. After settling up the claim, Hamlin sent for his client and handed him one dollar. "What's this? asked the Englshman. That's your damages, after taking out my fee, the cost of appeal, and several other expenses" said Hamlin. The Englishman looked at the dollar and then at Hamlin. What's the matter with this?" he asked; lis it badY
 A number of Scotchmen were ex- changing "reminiscences of mad En- glishmen," as they called them, with whom they had had experience. One of them had done some work for travelling geologist. "He gave me bag" said he, ito carry to the inn by a short cut across the hills while he walked by another road. l was W0n- derrng myself why it was so dread. fully heavy, and when got out of his sight was determined to see what was in 1t. I opened it, and what do you think it was? But need not ask you to guess, for you would never find out. It was stonesw "Stones" ex- claimed his companion, opening his eyes; "stones! well, well, that beats all 1 ever knew or heard of English men! And did you carry it?" Garry 1t! Do you think I was as mad as themselves? No! I emptied them all out. But I filled the bag again from the cairn near the inn and gave him good measure for his money"
 What cnot is finished without hut.