The Caldwell tribune., 1905-05-27
/. Hum l,or GUS

viptergreen lozenge, and. as 1t burnt
her tongue, she turned to her mother
and cried, "oh, muzzer, put dis In
'frigerator, quick"
To-day" said the minister, Il think
you'd better take up the collection be-
fore preach my sermon. "Why soY's
asked the vestrylhan. ''I'm going to
preach on 'Economyv"
Mrs. Gasey-An' phat did tn doc.
thor say allied ye? Mr.. Casey--Appen-
dicits. Mrs. Casey-Och, worral OF
knew he'd say that If ye wore thot
new Sunday suit.-Judge. &t.y
Papa-How did you get your clothes
so terribly torn? Tommy-Tryin' to
keep a little boy from -beinF licked.
Papa-Ah, a brave deed! Who was
the little boy? Tommy-Me. @'.
Your snorted Miss Sharpe. Marry
you? Why, you're only an apology
for a man." But, protested Mr..
Small, you will not "No; will
not accept the Observation-Disclosures
Ledger. ee nM
! @"1 fell over the bulwarks," said the
sailor, land the shark came along and
grabbed me by the leg." And what
did you do?' f"I let him have the leg.
1 never dispute with shark" Chi
.cago Journal. -
"As Shakespeare says" remarked
Cassidy, who was fond Of airing his
book larnin' " occasionally, what's in
a name?" "Well," replied Casey, ''caH
me wan that OF don't like an Oi'u
show ye."-Philadelphia Fress.
"We'l," snapped Saint Peter. '''what
have you to say for yourself?P 81 am
not good man." replied the applicant,
"but didn't go about making apollo
gies for myself ON earth, and l don't
intend to begin now" And he got in.
Now that AIMS age has been thor
oughly discussed, the Council Bluffs
Nonpareil springs this one: "a young
woman goes upstairs to dress at 7:45
for the evening. She Is 10 years old
and weighs 1O2 pounds. State the wait
Fof the man below"
Little Boy-I want you to write me
an excuse for being late to school yes.
terday. Jeweler-Eh? You are not
my son. Little Boy-N-o, but mamma
says I had plenty Of time to get to
school, so guess the clock you sold
her doesn't go right.
What do you think Of her vocal
ability" asked the manager Of the
show after the prima donna had
ceased to warble "Well," replied tho
man who had come in on pass, 'shs
has an admirable voice for destroying
silence. ."-Chicago News.
A well-known Judge was standing
at the door Of ballroom when very
beautiful woman passed him. What
lovely woman!' said the Judge, but
50 loud that the@lady overheard 1t,
Turning her head, she recognized the
speaker, And what a good judge!'
she said. f.
Magistrate-Why did you steal that
ham, Uncle Rastus? Uncle Rastus-
Bekase NAH pooh family was starvin',
you homer. Magistrate - Family
starving, eh? But they tell me you
own fve dogs. Uncle Rastus-Dats
er fack, yo' homer; but All reckon yo
all wudn't 'spect nah family ter cat
dem dawgs.-Chicago Daily News.
One afternoon little Johnny happen
ed to look up and see the moon, and as
he had never seen it before In the
daytime, he ran into the house and ex'
claimed: "Oh, mamma, I've got a
good Joke on God" why, what dc
you mean, dear?" asked the aston1shed
' mother. HE forgot to take the moon
in this morning." explained john
Exchange.
Motorlst-Are all the tools in th2
toolchest? Valet-Yes, sir. Motorlst-
Are all the cushions and laprobes II
the tonneau? Valet-Yes, sir. Motor
Iist-Is the tank full Of gasoline? Valet
Yes. sir. Motorist-Have you brought
down all our goggles? Yes, sir. Motor
ist-Well, run up to my room anc
bring the roll of bills out OF the toL
bureau drawer SO that we will have
enough money to pay our nnes' 1nei
we shall be ready to start.
Lawyer-You have taken your oath
and 1 want you to answer each OF my
questions honestly. Witness-Yes, sir
Lawyer-What Is your occupation
Witness-I am a driver. LAWYER
Do you drive wagon2 Witness-No
sir: do not Lawyer-NoW. be care
full, and remember that you are OF
your oath. You admit that you are
driver: now, honestly, don't you drive
wagon? Witness-No, sir; drive
!. horse.-Albany Evening Journal.
"My dear" said Miss Flagstaff t.
her country beau, ~ thought l ough
to tell you beforehand that I'm som
nambulist. You might not like Il
marry a woman who But th'
impatient Mr.. Mccoy cut short her re
marks, saying: "That makes no dit
ference. Caroline-none in the world
I'm a Methodist, you know, and cal
I rwS with Won to your church In tn