Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1905-08-05
EATING BY PROXY

II pulled down the feed of my life the
other day. observed the cheerful and COM
municative hobo on a shady bench in Frank
lin Square few evenings ago. I've been
up and down the line for a hull hatful Of
moons. but the way got that sit down was
as queer an experience as ever had.
Il was padding through little park up
on the north side Of town-believe they call
1t Dupont Circle-taking reef in my sur
cingle every little while and rubbering
around for a basement that had the look of
a hand-out piant-I hadn't caught up with
the eats for about twenty-four hours. y'see
when a tan, thin. sallow man, middle aged,
gave me the greet
Hello. there said he to me- Hungry?
Well l said back to him, I just natur-
ally hate to think of the things 1 could do
right now to a slaughter house steak the
size OF vestibule mat-smothered in onions
well say. with tall stack of frizzled spuds
TO come, and half key of Mocha and Java
mixed
Think you could put all that away
hey! said the sallow man. cycling me in a
peculiar way. Come on. them and we'll see
II we can't pad you out some
Just like corn off the cob wasn't It? /
tagged after the tall. lean. saliow man. He
went INTO meat market couple of blocks
from the circle and bought fine thick ten
derioin steak. big enough for a sailors
boarding house. l couldn't dope out the
move. but l wasn't asking any frivolous
questionS-l just tagged along.
After leaving the meat market he led me
INTO the basement way of a toppy looking
house.
Sit down and wait a while and III have
you hxed up, he said, leading me into the
basement dining room. l Topped into the
Morris by the window and waited for things
to happen The sallow man went out into
the Kitchen and handed the steak to an old
fashioned dinge with mammy's cap on her
wool.
'Broil this steak. M'linda,' he said to the
NANNY. and broil it like you know how to-
ana snake up pannikin of fried potatoes
cover the steak with fried onions Brew all
the coffee you've got around the works
Make couple of dozen of those wheat
mullins of yours. And get lively. hi'linda-
l We got man planted in there in the din
ing room that knows how to eat
The old black cook got busy in a min
ute. and the sallow man Joined me in the
dlnlns room. and we spelled along while
the eats We're being fixed
He was pretty good fellow but he didn't
appear to be just happy. | couldn't fall to
what allied him. but there was nothing the
matter with me, and the aroma of that
astronomical orgie that was being framed
up out there in the kitchen made me too
busy to try to dope out what allied the
owner of the plant
well, inside of just about half an hour.
the Old NANNY, after spreading nice white
cloths and silverware and cute-looking Chi
ma and cut-glass things all over the table.
brought that little snack in.
he steak weighed about three and a
quarter pounds, and it was buried In
enough deep-brown Bermudas to make four
construction hands bughouse with ioy. The
pan or mullins was a still-life picture in
oils. and every one of EN- Iooked-and
tasted-like it would float in the air like
spider webs. The fried potatoes had that
Old-gOid tint that is right Tba
hull vat of it, was like your mother never
even heard of, much less know how to
make.
Sit down., said the salow man. when It
was all set, and get real gay with your
machinery.
He didn't have to coax me- either. 1 gave
ay ank at my sleeves. passed him the
'There're OFF, mutter, and then 1 proceed
ed to make that extemporaneous BANQUET
look like last years birds nest I hadn't
showed alongside such tableau of fodder
since the Russian generals first began to
talk about taking their Christmas dinner in
Tokyo.
Well, the boss of the plant just sat there
by the window, in his deep chair and
watched me make the feed look foolish 1t
didn't emharrass me a little bit to have him
do that. although he watched every mouth
full ate. There was a hungry. sort O.
reminiscent look in bis eyes, as he studied
my eating curves. Every once in while
he shook his head sadly. and looked out of
the window, and mutte-ed some hing to
himself.
After about three-quarters of an hour
was all in and SO was the feed, down to
the last muffin and the final tricklines of
the tub OF coffee
" Had enough the sallow man asked
me. as wiped my chart with the big nap
kin.
" I'm cargoed down to the Plimsoll line
much obliged to YOU says l.
All right, mate, says the sallow man
then 'That'll be about all. I've enjoyed it
just as much as you have.
You think I'm a bug. I SUPPOSE? he
went on. Well, I'm not exactly that yet
although I've got a swell odds-on chance to
become one IL some sort of internal revou-
ton doesn't happen to me. I'm a dyspeptic
When l say that. l don't mean that I'm
just plain. ordinary dyspeptic of the COM
mon or garden variety. But I've got a set
of mechanism inside of me that declared a
lockout on me couple of years ago, and
1t has never got cogged together or con-
nected up right since. I've been eating
nothing but graham waters and hot steril-
lied milk during these past two years-if
I'd eat one-eightieth of the mess that you've
Just put away, I'd be running around like
a bad Moro for a week I'm as hungry as
a Kentucky coon dog all the time. at thai
but I've just got to stay hungry. So. every
once in awhile l pick up wayfarer who
looks like he's got the tonnage and capac-
ity. and ! stake him to a manger full just
for the fun of watching him get away with
it. You're man to be envied, even If you
are pounding the pikes-slong.' and with
| that he got up. slipped me a two-bone
paper to buy yourself smoke with as he
said, and ushered me out.
Say. he said to me solcitously.
! got out of the door If you're afraid that
| that feed will give you the heartburn, or
that Representatives, feeling, why,
| I've got some tablets here
~ had to grin, and l passed the tablets
up. He shook his head obviously, and
was on my way.
7 wish the ducks with the bucking
digestive apparatus all over the country
| would take up that eating by proxy gag.
| hey?"