The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1905-08-07
MINISTER HAD LAZY SPELL.
Got Into Trouble Through a Stolen
Sermon.
(Chicago Chronicle.)

(Chicago ChronicleO
My uncle" said the sailor, us a
minister, a Baptist minister He was
talkin' 10 me one day about stolen ser
mons. He says no minister actually
starts out TO steal sermon. The thing
works itself around like this:
The minister gets a lazy MT on him,
don't prepare any discourse for the
comm Sunday, and on Sunday mornin'
carries into the pulpit the sermon of
another chap, intendin' to read il, and
afterward to say it amt his'n, but So
and Sos. See?
but the flesh. hang it all. is weak.
He reads the other chaps sermon and
it makes a hit, d regular sensation. He
can see the congregation sayin' to one
another with their eyes; He's i'm
provin', amt he2 Didn't think he had
It IN him. And the poor felIer's vanity
gets the upper hand He don't say
nothin' about the sermons belonging to
So and So. And thus. you see, il be-
comes a swiped sermon.
Uncle is a mighty dry preacher But
at least he don't swipe his sermons.
He used to. though. He got scared by
what he called a special dispensation.
A special rough dispensation, I'd
call ii.
He had good church at the time
in a thrivin' village. He liked the place
and the place liked him. He was get
tin along fine
zone Sunday he was lazy and
grabbed up a volume OF sermons, and,
entering the pulpit, he opened the book
at random and pitched in.
''As he preached away on this here
stolen sermon he seen that he had
never read it before. 1t was a mighty
| good sermon, though. The congrega-
ton looked mighty interested
And then, all of a sudden. uncle
wished the earth would swallow him
graph he found himself preSentin' a
marble drinkfn' fountain to the town
a fountain with three spouts, where
( the water gushed out of dolphinS'
mouths and with a horse trough of
white marble in their middle. This
| sermon, you see, was by rich English
! Teller; it was about kindness, and il
wound up with the presentation of the
fountain, which the Englishman could
well afford.
Uncle couldn't afford it, though.
Stil, he gave it, havin' said he would
| in such a public way. And, MY but
the people were surprised and pleased.
Uncle avoided stolen sermons for
three months after that. Then his SAL
airy was raised $100-raised, they told
him. on account of his goodness in do
natin' the fountain to the town. That
made him feel a little easier in his
mind.
| And on another lazy Sunday he
preached another sermon he hadn't
read over previous. This was a beau
tiful piece, but kind of sad, kind of
mushy, and, by crinuSi the further on
| it went the sadder and mushier it got
| till at the end my terrified uncle heard
himself a-readin' these here words:
And now, brethren, sisters, fare
well. Today / leave the church for
ever. For / find, alasi that the pas
toral life is too severe for my consti-
tuition. have not robust health Fare
wellr
Uncle loved that there charge of
his'n. But the stolen sermon had made
him resign, and he was compelled to
go. He was in debt $500 for the drink
in fountain and he hadn't a cent saved
UP He lived on his father-in-law a
year before he got another charge
He's never stolen any more sermons
SINCE