Middlebury register. (Middlebury, Vt.) 1886-1937, 1905-09-08
A DISGUSTED
AMATEUR HAMLET.

Mr. Theodore Timmins was stage
struck, and had joined an amateur
dramatic company. AS he had plenty
Of money, and was generous in spend
Ing it, his associates were content that
he should personate the leading parts.
He had persuaded his wife to join
the company, and che, too, Jared we'll
In the allotment of characters.
| At their own home this stagestruck
couple were rehearsing.
Now, my dear" said Mr.. Timmins,
opening the play book and assuming a
correct dramatic scowl Nov, my
dear, we'll rehearse our part for next
months performance of the Hollycock
Dramatic socity. I'm to be Hamlet,
and you're to be the queen, and we
want this thing to go off all right. The
most difficult scene we have to play to-
gether is where accuse you of poison
ing my father, and we had better try
that until we get it perfect. I'll COM
mence:
"'Now, mother, what's the mat
ter?"
well, was thinking whether had
better wear my black silk or my ma
room DRESS" returned Mrs Timmins,
sticking her fingers in her mouth re-
flectively. do queens wear"
will you be kind enough to tell me
what pack of cards you got that idea
of queen FROM" demanded Mr.. Tim
Minis, fixing his wifes eye with glare.
do you suppose that the queen sent
| o. 14+ l.. l.. h0.
bargains in millinery? When I say
that you must reply: Hamlet, thou
hast thy father much offended"
ooh, l understand" pleaded Mrs.
Timmins. II thought you asked me
what l was thinking about. l didn't
know you had commenced the play"
well, you be careful this time" rec
commended Mr. Timmins, in a tone Of
solemn warning This is play, this
ference between a play and bargain
sale?" He repeated:
Nov, mother, what's the mat
ter?'"
There's nothing the matter now"
replied Mrs. Timmins, strengthening
up and preparing to be queen as soon
as her cue came. GO on. dear, l I'M
derstand now"
Say it, can't your" Numbered Mr..
Timmins. Don't you know your
part?"
What shall l say, dear?" asked Mrs.
Timmins, looking at her husband with
dazed expression.
SAY" roared Mr.. Timmins. Sing
comic song Didn't l tell you what
to say? Look here" and Mr.. Timmins
lowered his voice to the intense pitch,
have you ever read this play?"
why, yes!" faltered Mrs. Timmins
"You come in and stab Polonius be-
hind the ears, and | scream"
Hear herr" moaned Mr.. Timmins
frothing at the mouth. Stab Polonius
behind the ears! That's all right. Now
I you scream Scream! Why don't you?
You know 80 much about your part
why don't you play it,"
"We-e-e-e!" squealed Mrs. Timmins
faithfully following instructions. 81
knew l could do it right, as soon as
you showed me how. Will that do?"
: Mrs Timmins." said her husband
with unnatural calmness. there's beer
some mistake made in this thing. Yor
should have been cast for Ophelia."
81 would just as soon play it," muir
INJURED Mrs. Timmins. who failed to SET
the drift of her husbands remark
What does she do?"
"She was an idiot from birth ant
afterward went crazy" explained Mr.
Timmins. THAT was the part fol
you"
Then I'd rather be queen" returned
Mrs. Timmins, bridling a little. Now
dear, let's begin all over again, anC
I'll do it right this Time"
"You can't do it worse" growled Mr.
Timmins. 'I'll try it once more, jus
to see what kind of foolishness you
are capable Of
Now, mother, what's the mat
ter?'"
"We-e-e-e." squeaked Mrs. Timmins
satisfied that she was perfect thi
time. Hamlet! CHI, Hamlet We
e-e-e!"
Turn it off," yelled Mr.. Timimns
, springing from his chair, and caperin
round the room as though mad do
q had bitten him. Whats the matter?
"We-e-e-e." squealed Mrs. Timmins
profoundly impressed with the ide
that the play was still going on. an
that she had at last mastered it's in
tricacies.
Twill you ever shut up?" gasped Nj
. Timmins, wilder than ever to thin
l. his wrath was mistaken for acting
who the devil told you to yell Xix
:. that? Don't you know anything at all
. Do you think Hamlet's lunatic asy
y lum? Have you got some kind of
: notion that the queens foghOrn?"
!, 81 did just as you told me. dear. ar
4 gued Mrs. Timmins, completely take
aback by her husbands criticism. "Yo
!. said | was to scream when you aske