The citizen. (Frederick City, Md.) 1895-1923, 1905-03-24
ODDLY NAMED TOWNS
oJEER TITLES THAT DOT THE MAPS
OF UNCLE SAM

This nomenclature Popularity Is
Not Confined to Any One Part of the
Country, but Lends Itself Impair
tiaIIy to All Sections.
The names of some towns in the Unit
ed States probably cause their inhab-
Itants considerable veXations when
AWAY from home, says the Chicago
chronicle. These names have certain
Deculiar meanings in everyday talk and
as soon as they are mentioned they are
apt to prompt troublesome questions
by funma.ers. For example, the man
from Alone Ky, might have to ex-
nlain to stranger living in New York
how he could do business if he were the
only inhabitant and how the excise
laws were enforced if the barkeeper,
the topper, the policeman and the magis-
trate were all one and the same and in
case there were more than one person
in Alone if all were bachelors and old
maids. Citizens of Lonely, n. c., and
Lonesome. Ky, would encounter much
the same sort of questions, and all, of
were once Jersey commuters.
If man hailed from Affinity, N c.,
he would naturally be supposed to be
married and his home life an unpunc-
tuated chapter of bliss. He would be
expected to wear as wide a smile as the
citizen of Joy or Happy, Tex, or Para
disc, Colo, with a temper as subdued
as the inhabitants of Purity, Mimi
What would happen, however, if the
man from Affinity should meet a man
from Peace, Ala, would, indeed, be
problematical. They might, after the
fashion of some weSternerS, boom the
merits of their respective towns with
such ardor that at last these representa-
tives of Peace and Affinity would come
to blows. They might at last develop
as much disrelish for each other as the
citizens of Cream, Wis, who should
chance to take dinner with a citizen Of
Caviar, n. ]. On the other hand, they
might become as chummy as the towns
men of those three towns in the states
of Colorado, Oregon and West Virginia
which all bear the name OF Crook.
Any one coming from Eye, n. c.,
could hardly expect to join the New
York police force and find things con-
genial. If he was native of Lax,
Ala, or Blind Bay, La, on the con-
trary, his duties as metropolitan blue
coat might prove congenial. If he said
he was from Sodom, O., he would most
likely be told that his own town must
need his services more If he replied
that it didn't, he might be recommend
ed to try to get position in Pluto,
Miss.
Near the Greene river in Kentucky
and several miles south of Lewiston
there is a town by the name of Pig.
1t has never been recorded in any his
tory Of the United States whether the
characteristics of the people of Pig are
any different from those of the people
Of Lamb, ILL.,, or Chickies, Pa. This is
certainly to be regretted. 1t would
certainly be interesting to know if the
worthy burghcrs of Pig are any more
happy and contented than other human
beings, whether they have such ills as
insomnia, nervous prostration or mel
ancholia; whether there is any sale in
Pig for appetizers, and what the good
people do on Fridays.
Should a woman from Big Foot,
Tex, or Antiquity, o., advertise for a
husband it is safe to say she would not
get as many answers as a woman from
Beauty, w. Va. The man who hailed
from jug, Ala, might have more diff
ficulty in being elected to the White
Ribbon society than his contemporary
from Dry Town, Cal The native of
Magic, Ala. would no doubt be vel
coined by certain Wall street officers
where citizen from Fairplay, Wis,
would find the door shut. Should the
woman from Alamode, Ca, or Fash
ion, Ga, meet woman from Jays
ville O., the two might get into such a
controversy that at the end they would
both be believed to be natives of Loon
eyville n. Y. The citizen of Fossil,
Ore, unlike the citizen of Quick, Neb.,
would no doubt feel very much at
home in Philadelphia, and for much
the same reasons the representative Of
Fact, Kan, would find congenial at
mosphere in Boston. Vegetarians
should go to Grass, S. D.
Any one might think that Ice, Ca,
would become a more popular summer
resort than He'll Hole, Colo A jury
made up Of men half Of whom were
born in Japan, Mo-, and the other half
in Russia, n Y, would be pretty sure
to disagree. AT any rate, they would
not call in man from Jingo Tenn, for
peacemaker. Should the girl from
Leapyear, Tenn, become dissatisfied
with things at home there is little dan
ger of her settling in Bachelor, Mich
Neither would the man from Langor.
Mimi, think of moving to Jump, o.
A man may travel from Dan to Beer
sheba nowadays and think it very
short journey. There is Dan in Ken
lucky and Beersheba over the line In
Tennessee. Neither Is the trip from
London to Pekin long one in the
United States. Ohio contains both
Pekin and a London, and it Is not
long journey from Whisky Buttes,
Mont, to Seven Devils, Ida.