The Intermountain Catholic. (Salt Lake City [Utah] ;) 1899-1920, 1905-03-18
AUTosIoeRAPHY OF A J. p.

Perhaps when you hear my marvellous career you
will wonder that | have not, long ago, appeared as
an autobiograher / can assure you it was not lack
of ambition that prevented my glib tongue from eX-
tolling my own Deeds 1t was merely the thought
of my Iowly origin for | certainly cannot lay claim
to a noble ancestry. So far from being noble or
gifted in any way my kindred have always been re-
garded as cackling set. In fact, they are looked
upon by the eyes of the world as having little sense,
their lack of this quality being so patent that their
foolislness is proverbial.
But notwithstanding my lowly birth, men court
my favor and yearn to secure my friendship as
though | were to the manor born. is it any wonder
that little insignificant Il" have become, inflated
with my own Importance
Though my entrance into the world was rather
modest, being limited to the confines
of country barnyard my entrance into society was
hailed with widest acclamations.
Having east aside the cumbrous portion of my
apparel, spent night and day in giving expression
to thought yet my efforts proving inadequate to the
demand, my cruel wieders i'll order to facilitate my
utterance, formed the barbarous design of splitting
my tongue.
1t is true possess very little beauty, nor can [
boast of having graceful form, yet my fluent
tongue has won for a host of admirers. Usually
| appear in a garb of sombre black and white,
thought occasionally | don scarlet and at rare in
tervals [ assume the royal purple,
Some may think me insincere and inconsistent
and [ must frankly admit the charge; for one day
l protest my fidelity to party, while the next,
perhaps the same evening, | strenuousy uphold
the principles of the opposite side Now, praise
the justice of the laws of nation again denounce
them cruel and barbarous. Indeed, so great is
my influence III matters political, that might Just
ly be styled the maker and destroyer of kingdoms
Do You wonder that [ am proud of the power [ exer
else on this mundane sphere!
Really it is strange that my head is not turned
Al Il H. III. III
With wondrous daring [ delve into the very
bowels of the earth, where | scan the rocks and
fossils that | may reveal to mankind It's buried
secrets, then [ aloft to starry realms and
descant on the marvels of the glorious orbs of
heaven.
More than once have I enetrated the gloomy
depths of Plutos abode and held converse with the
departed shades, nay, even with his Plutonic
majesty. ."
You have perhaps read by account of the debate
in Pandemonium and been somewhat shocked at
the way in which [ lionzed Hades satanic ruler
Day after day | unfold the doings of life for
the curious multitude. No incident is too petty
for to detail 10 crime too base to hold my
tongue in check. deed too noble for me to record
With awful punishment lash wicked actions, with
meet rewards | crown noble deeds. / disclose the
secrets of the cabinet and the court and even bring
forth the family skeleton from many a closet.
few words from me and loi families quarrel,
nations rent asuhder and hearts are broken.
But, OH what peace and JOY can import! L flatter,
| chide, | scod just as the mood strikes me. King
and peasant alike pay me homage for [ am mightier
than the mightiest king. You will be curious to
learn the identity of one that claims to WELD such
infuence-but think you will acknowledge that my
power has swayed the whole world when you hear
that [ am no other than Quill Pen
MABEL SHEPERD.
Glass '06, Sacred Heart Academy Ogden, Utah