Hopkinsville Kentuckian. [volume] (Hopkinsville, Ky.) 1889-1918, 1905-02-28
STORIES.

who declares that be became formally
and finally annexed to the United
States by marrying an American wife
was one of the most interesting speak
ers at AN Evening with Humorists
In New York city one evening recently
by the Entertainment club. He tried
to deny that he was a humorist, but
when the audience would not have that
he volunteered a series of ghetto
humorous stories.
In order to understand and appre-
ciate these stories to the fullest ex-
tent, Mr.. zangwill began, ''you must
remember that the beggar of the ghet-
to differs from the ordinary beggar one
sees about the street
He really considers himself the
/ philanthropist You know. one gets
to Heaven only through charity and
good works. If he was not there you
might thus go to some less desirable
place when you die If you let him talk
to you long enough, he will convince
you that you are really the one who
is indebted and that he is granting a
great favor in letting you contribute
Now for the stories;
There was certain Jewish beggar
In London who for long time had
been receiving one dollar a week-to
put 1t In American money--from a
philanthropist. One week the man
handed the beggar only so cents, and
the beggar at once demanded why his
allowance had been cut in two
~ cannot afford to give you so
much now, said the philanthropist.
4 have just been married.
What exclaimed the beggar.
You get married on my money?
II know of another London beggar
whose lungs we're bad. He gained the
interest Of some well-to-do persons.
1--WE will send you to Brighton,
they said. There you can build up
your health
But don't want to go to Brigh-
ton, objected the beggar, frankly. 4
prefer Torquay.'
"'You forget that Torquay is much
more expensive than Brighton, they
interposed
'Expense!' cried the beggar. Shall
l consider expense where my health
is concerned?'
much of the humor of the ghetto
has to do with the marriage portion.
Many will contribute, to poor girls
dowry who would ignore other appeals.
l remember the tale of one old man
who raised a dowry each year for one
of his many daughters. At last the
daughters were married off, and his
acquaintance thought they would
have no further bother. 1t was not
long until the father came to them
again with the old request that they
help provide dowry for his daughter
But your daughter died two years
ago. protested one.
What If she did?' demanded the
father, Indignantly; why should you
profit by her death? You are not her
heir
They tell story of stingy rich
man who asked beggar to dine with
him The meal consisted of fried FISH.
which is considered a great delicacy
in the ghetto. The fish was served On
huge platter All of the fine. fat
pieces were on the side near the rich
man. The poor, shriveled-up bits
were on the beggar's side of the dish.
Help yourself, said the rich man.
1.-THE beggar could not get at the line
pieces without reaching clear across
the table and being very impolue He
burst into tears.
What are you crying for% asked
the rich man.
''The beggar put his hands on the
dish.
81 am crying because year ago I
was a rich man. bat as the world goes
round and round Ito Illustrate, he be-
gan turning the dish) and round.
have become wretchedly poor.
by this time he had turned the
dish so that the fine pieces were be-
fore him.
Cheer up, my good fellow said
! the stingy rich man, and he, too, put
his hands on the dish. You are a poor
man to-day, it is true, but as The world
goes round and round Che. in turn
began to move the dish) and round
you may become rich again.
by this time the fine, fat pieces Of
fish were again in front of him, md
! the meal began without further
maneuvering.
There was time in Russia when
the ruble was very much despised and
had deprecated in value. A beggar
who was thoroughly up to the times
exhibited the sign 'Rubles Received
at Par
at was In Russia, too that | heard
/ this story of a woodworking rabbi:
BY his miracles he had attracted a
great following, They gathered about
him on holy days, and scrambled for
the crumbs which fell from his table
Among the throng one day was one
who did not believe, who Knocked and
made fun of the wonder working rab-
bi. One of the faithful called the rab-
bis attention to the skeptic, saying.
Zone would think the ceiling would
fall and strike him dead
"Then the WOnder-Working rabbi re-