The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1905-01-08


channel seasickness is as different from
any other as an alcohol jag is different
from a champag ne drunk This Eng
lish channel seasickness begins on your
toes, and you feel as though the toe
rails were being pulled out with pine
ers, and the VEINS in your legs seem 70
explode, your arms wilt like lettuce in
font of a cheap grocery, your head
seems TO be struck with a pile-driver
and telescoped down into your spine
and your stomach feels as though you
had swallowed a telephone pole with all
the cross arms and wires and glass in
sulators. and you wish lightning would
strike YOU. Gosh, but dad was hot
when he found that he was sick that
way, and when we got ashore he want
ed TO kill the first man he met.
He thinks that it is a crime for a
man not to understand the English Ian
guage. and when he tells what he
wants, and the man he is talking to
shrugs his shoulders and laughs, and
brings him something else, he wants to
pull his gun and begin to shoot up the
town, and only for me he would have
killed people before this, but now he
takes it out in scowling at people who
do not understand him. Dad seems to
think that if he cannot make a man
understand what he says. all he has
TO do is to swear at the man. but there
is no universal language Of profanity.
the more dad swears the more the
nervous Frenchman smiles, and acts
polite.
/ think the French people are the po-
litest folks 1 ever knew. If a French
man had to kick a person out of DOORS
h would wear a felt slipper, and after
he had kicked you he would place his
hand on his heart and bow, and look
so sorry, and hurt, that you would
want TO give him a tin
O, but this tipping business is what
Is breaking dads heart. 1 think if the
servants would arrange a syndicate to
rob dad of two or three dollars a day,
by pocket picking. or sneak thieving.
he would overlook it. and say that as
long as IL was one of the customs of the
country we should have to submit TO
IL. but when he has paid his biII-with
everything charged extra, and the serv-
ants line up. and look appeaIingly. or
mad. as the case may be, dad is the
hardest man to loosen that ever was,
but if they seem to look the other way,
and not. apparently. care whether they
get d cent or not. dad would go and
hunt them up, and divide his roll with
Them Dad is not what you would call
a tight wad," if you lee him shed his
money normally. when he feels the
loosening coming on, buth you try TO
work him by bowling and cringing. and
4liS <AhiElAtan spirit gets the DelIeT OF
81 him. and he looks upon the servant as
pretty low down. I have told him that
the tipping habit is just as bad in
America as in France, but he SAYS in
America the servant acts as though he
never had such a thought as getting a
tip, and when you give him a quarter
or other tip he looks puzzled. as though
he did not just recall what he had done
70 merit such treatment. but finally
puts the money in his pocket with an
air as though he would accept II in
trust, 10 be given TO some deserving
person at the first opportunity. and
then he smiles. and gets away and
blows in the tip for something wet and
strong.
l told dad if he would just ignore the
servants, as though he did not under
stand that they expected tip, that he
would be ali right, so when we got
ready to move from the hotel TO pri-
vate rooms dad never gave any serv-
ant tip. Wen, 1 don't know what
the servants did 10 our baggage. but
they must have marked 1t with a small
pox sign, or something. for nobody
would touch II for several hours. but
finally a baggage man took IT and
started for our apartments. and got
lost and cidn't show up for two days,
and when IL was finally landed on the
sidewalk nobody would carry IL up
stairs. and dad and / had to lug IL up
two fights. and l thought dad would
have apoplexy-
We found guide who could talk