davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Elbert County tribune., 1905-06-08

gence he rose to be its manager, and
he was in the zenith of his fame when
| arrived in Australia. After my
agent had introduced me to Mr.. Ro-
lamo as the coming man who was to
make his (the manager's) fortune,
that worthy cast a patronizing eye
over me. but did not seem at all over
whelmed. taking my arrival with pro-
voking GOODNESS. This chilling atmos-
phere pervaded the office until my
agent unrolled some highly infiamma-
BILE printed matter. the novel charac-
ter of which seemed to attract the
great mans attention, and condo
scending to address me. he said: You
see, Mr.. Jeffries-oh, beg pardon.
Jimmison. | mean-with all due re-
spect to you. there as been SO many
blawsted Yankee comics over ere that
we are kind o. sick on 'em. You
may be a hextra good lot for all |
know, but lately the queerest mum
mers we've 'ad ave come from Amer
ikee. This printed stun you've SGT
looks spicy-in fact, ! don't know as
ever see spicier-but it don't prove
nothing, does it?"
The Elbert County tribune., 1905-06-08

The late DR.. Cyrus Edison of New
York one day received a visitor who
complained of nervous depression.
You should relax from work" ad-
vlsed the physician. GO to the the
alter and witness the performance of
some good comedian"
The patient was much interested
and little surprised. who is good
COMEDIAN" he asked.
Francis Wilson"
Il have seen him. He would make
me worse"
Peter Daley"
DALEY would induce grave compli-
cations. am sure OF it. | know a
man who contracted chronic dyspep-
STA watching Daley on the stage"
You are hard to please" observed
the doctor, thinking intensely. Il
have it! See Nat Goodwin"
The sufferer was disconsolate. 81
am Nat Goodwin. THE Sunday Mag
azIne.
The Elbert County tribune., 1905-06-08

Senator Berry of Arkansas. was
talking about shorthand. He praised
it highly Then he said:
THE best shorthand writer l ever
knew worked for the state of Arkan-
sas during my term as Governor.
This young man told me one day
some stories of the difficulties OF
shorthand.
HE said that when he was eight
cen he worked for an important news
paper He was beginner at short
hand then. He often found it diff
cult to read his own notes.
well, he reported. one night, a
half-hour's installment of great ora
tors speech. 1t was well on toward
midnight when he got back to the
office. and he sat down at typewriter
to transsrlbe his notes in longhand as
quickly as possible. He worked away
steadily. Then he stopped.
The Elbert County tribune., 1905-06-08
Wis dom Of the Monkey

quick.
And languish In chronic blues.
II the waste from any old boiler shop
Could be made into Irish stews?"
Then the eagle said, with all these
things.
They'd do away with freight,
And would only need pair of wings
To settle the railroad rate.
There'd be state of steady decline
In the home OF the big ship trust:
They'd turn their Pullmans out to grass
And leave the rails TO rust.
Then the monkey spoke, with knowing
wink.
In the monklike way he had,
You fellows would make up a patchwork
man.
And you'd make 1t n muss. be gad
You'd make II so easy for him to live
That you'd foozle the whole PLAN
With nothing on earth to scrap about
What's the fun o being a mann
The Elbert County tribune., 1905-06-08
Applause in. Wrong Place

One sentence, in the middle of a
long paragraph. he could not decipher.
He struggled with the sentence. quite
at a standstill, several minutes. The
city editor called him to make haste.
He turned to an expert shorthand
writer on his left and said:
"'Can you read this sentence here
For the life of me. | can't
"The expert studied the sentence,
then shook his head.
NO he said. 4 can't read it. Just
put in Great applause" and let it go
at that
80 the young man put in great ap-
plause. and the next morning, when
he read the speech in the paper. he
found. to his horror, that he had made
his section run:
"T will detain you but a few min
utes longer my friends. (Great ap-
plause.)'"
The Elbert County tribune., 1905-06-08


Rev. r. II. Nelson. the new bishop
coadjutor of Albany, wished to .ndi-
cate in a recent address the spirit of
friendliness and helpfulness that
should exist between neighbors. Too
many neighbors." he said. ARE like a
physician and a lawyer who used to
live next door to each other in his
toric Germantown. The physician,
one day. asked II he might borrow
from the lawyer his edition of Florio' s
Montague
You are welcome to read the
work in my library the lawyer an
swered. but you can't take 1t away
with you. | am sorry to say. for
have lost so many books through lend.
ing them that | have sworn never to
let another volume leave the house.
THE physician thanked the lawyer
but of course he did not attempt to
get through so ponderous a work as
'Montaigne' in the others library. A
week passed, and the lawyer came
and asked the physician TO lend hin
his lawn mower.
az am only too glad to lend yor
my lawnmower,' said the physician
though it is my rule never to let i
leave my lawn. There, however. 20,
may use 1t all you please
The Elbert County tribune., 1905-06-08

1T is not a very hard climb to the
signal station on the summit of Glib
raltar," writes a traveller. THE
height is no more than 1850 feet l
visited the station with friend on a
fine November day. The path zigzags
up the precipitous western face of the
mighty rock; now and again we
passed sentry and had to show our
passport. Once we had gained the
summit we felt ourselves more than
amply repaid. whichever way one
turns the views are truly superb.
Westward. across the bay of Gibral-
tar. with its magnificent setting of
hill and mountain, lay the extreme
south of beautiful Andalusia. North
and east stretched Malaga and Ora
NADIA, with the splendid heights of
the Sierra Nevada in the far distance.
Eastward rolled the blue Mediter-
ranean; the white canvas of sailing
bark showed right beneath us, and
steamships piled, like gigantic water
beetles, pushing steadily on their
course. Southwark, close at hand, the
nearest point no more than about fif-
teen miles distant, the wild land of
Morocco met our gaze, rugged chains
of mountains corrugating its surface;
while far away, in dimmest distance.
rose blue range, which was pointed
out to us as the mighty Atlas itself.
1t was fine, clear day. and the PAN
Drama, whichever way we looked. was
The Elbert County tribune., 1905-06-08

unspeakably grand. 1t seemed that
one could never tire of feasting ones
eyes on so sublime and so historic
prospect
mo trees exist. but good deal OF
bush and shrub clothes the parched
surface. There still fingers about
the upper portion Of the rock the last
remnant of the troops of Barbary
apes, which once roamed freely about
Gibraltar No more than half dozen
now exist and modern fortifications
and other necessary works are. l fear,
making Gibraltar much too busy a
place to shelter these shy creatures.
Still, 1t is just possible that this feeble
remnant of the only wild apes known
to Europe may yet survive and in
crease. At one time, from much per-
secution. they had sunk to three in
dividuals; yet in 1893 the numbers
had risen again to at least thirty.
These apes are baboonlike crea-
lures exactly similar to the tailless
Barbary ape found in Morocco. They
are supposed by some to be clear evil
dences of the fact that Africa and
Spain were once joined. 1t Is by no
means certain that they are indigen-
Gus to the rock. A large number were
introduced in 1740 and in 1858 fresh
blood was again imported. These
apes have been known to scientists
for long ages and Galen, the renowned
Roman physician. in his day studied
and even dissected them"
The Elbert County tribune., 1905-06-08

Now the owl rose up and spoke owlwise,
ITO whit to WHO'D and alas,
II men could only acquire my eyes.
What &, drop there'd be in gasi
They'd pack their currents away on Ice
And hold them for rise,
And the pipe lined hunt for brand new
job.
II men only had my eyes"
Then the polar bear said. with bearish
shrug.
.sGarrah. Bless my SOUL
II men only grew some heavy furs.
To the deuce with clothes and coal!
THEY'D sell their heaters for Bowery junk
And lie on IL. ice to sleep,
And the entire state of William Penn
Might go to raising sheep"
Then the gvdt gulped down cast-off
shirt,
'Ba-a-ai You make me smile.
The cost of living is not all in gas,
And coal and Kerosene lie.
The Elbert County tribune., 1905-06-08
CHICAGO A WONDER CITY.
! Only Four Cities in the World Ahead
of II

Only Four Cities in the World Ahead
of It.
Chicago in 1905 is the fourth city
in the world in point OF population
and wealth, says Leslies Weekly. The
only towns which lead II are Londou.
New York and Paris. Canton is some-
times assigned a larger population.
but this is estimated, for there has
never been any census taken OF its
population. Berlin has just crossed the
2.ooo,0OO mark in Inhabitants, but it Is
safe TO assume that Chicago is ahead
OF the German metropolis. II Is like
ly to keep ahead. notwithstanding the
wonderful growth of that capital. un-
exampled in Europe's annals.
Nearly all the worlds great cities
Paris. Berlin. ST. Petersburg. vien-
ma, Madrid and others-are far inland.
Even London. the nearest to deep wa
ter OF all Europe's great capitals. is
over sixty miles distant from the sea.
New York is the only city OF cola
manding Importance in any civilized
country which is in sight OF the ocean.
Chicago feels that 1t will some time
have the same prominence in the
United States that Berlin has in Ger
many or St Petersburg in Russia. 1t
Is growing faster than New York. has
several suburbs which 1t expects to
absorb within the next FIVE or ten
years and figures that 1t will pass
New York by 1850. Ten or fifteen
years prior to that date New York
nil hat-
Chicago ever beats the metropolis on
the Hudson she will be the greatest
OF the worlds cities. as she is al
ready the most marvellous of them in
her sudden rise and swift expansion
The Elbert County tribune., 1905-06-08
Not Worth II.

A fashily dressed negro walked
into the West Sixty-eighth street po-
lice station the other night and asked
Sergeant Thomson if he could have a
detective.
What do you want a detective
for?" asked the sergeant.
well. boss, nah wife done run
away with another man and All thinks
she wants me-"
You'll have to go to a private de-
tective for that, we can't help you"
How much will one of them cost
me-"
About s. day. and he'll take at
least two days"
HIN; two days at IS day. All
guess Ah'll let her go, boss. New
Y DIRK Sun.
The Elbert County tribune., 1905-06-08

Just Discrimination in Railway Rates.
All railroad men qualified to speak
on the subject in a responsible way
are likely TO agree with President
Samuel Spencer of the Southern Rail-
way when he says: There is no d.
vision of opinion as to the desirability
of stopping all secret or unjustly dis
criminatory devices and practises OF
whatsoever character"
Mr.. Spencer. in speaking OF "un-
justly discriminatory" rates and de-
vices, makes distinction which is at
once apparent to common sense: There
may be discrimination in freight rates
which is just, reasonable and impera-
lively required by the complex COM
mercial and geographical conditions
with which expert rate makers nave
to deal. To abolish such open and
honest discrimination might paraiyze
the industries of cities, states and
whole sections of our national terri
tory.
This distinction between just and
unjust discrimination is clearly recog-
nized in the conclusions of the Inter
national Railway Congress, published
yesterday:
Tariffs should be based on CONNER
cial principles. taking into account the
special conditions which bear upon the
commercial value of the services rem
dered. With the reservation that raves
shall be charged without arbitrary dis
elimination to all shippers alike under
like conditions, the making OF rates
should as far as possible have all the
elasticity necessary to permit the devel-
opment of the traffic and to produce the
greatest results to the public and to the
railroads themselves"
The present proposal is, as Mr..
Walker D. Hines of Louisville showed
in his remarkable testimony the other
day before the Senate Committee at
Washington, to crystalline flexible and
justly discriminatory rates into fixed
government rates which cannot be
changed except by the intervention of
some government tribunal, and by this
very process to increase "the tempta-
tion to depart from the published rate
and the lawful rate in order to meet
some overpowering and urgent COM
mercial condition."-New York Sun.
The Elbert County tribune., 1905-06-08
choate on Texas Justice.

One of Ambassador Choate's legal
stories told at a gathering of lawyers
on his last visit to this country related
to Texas Judge before whom pris-
oner was brought charged with horse
stealing. The judge promptly SEN
fenced the prisoner to be hanged, but
his lawyer interrupted.
You can't hang this prisoner ac-
cording to law. your honor" he said.
Guess you're rig-t." said the Judge.
We'll. I'll discharge him and | guess
it's up to the boys to hang him accord
ing to the regular om."-New
York Times
The Elbert County tribune., 1905-06-08
HER WEAKNESS GONE
. HOT FLASHES AND SINKING SPELLS
CONQUERED AT LAST.


mrs. murphy 1eiis Her FelOw-Suherers
How She Got Rid of Serious Troubles
by Simple Home Treatment.
81 had been bothered for several
years" said Mrs. Murphy, 'by stomach
disorder, and finally became very weak
and nervous. Flashes of heat would
pos over me, and would feel as if I
Vas sinking down. At such times I
could not do any household work, but
would have to lie down, and afterwards
1would have very trying nervous SPELLS"
Didn't You have doctor p she was
asked.
Yes, consulted several doctors but
my health did not improve. One day
friend asked me why did not try DR..
Williams Pink Pills. She assured me
that they had proved of the greatest BEN
eft in the case of her daughter In fact,
she praised them SO enthusiastically that
my husband got me box"
"And what was the RESULT"
Before / had taken half of the first
box my condition was greatly improved.
The quickness with which they reached
and relieved all my troubles was really
surprising. After had used only three
boxes 1 had no more heat flashes or
weak spells. Thanks to them, 1 have
become a well woman"
Mrs. Mary ID. Murphy lives at No,
1908 Force street, Fort Wayne, Indiana
DIR. Williams Pink Pills, the remedy
which she found so satisfactory, furnish
directly to the blood the elements that
give vigor to every tissue of the body.
They can be depended on to revive fail
ing strength, and to Danish nervous
ness. Their tonic properties are abso-
lutely unsurpassed.
AS soon as there is drng, or dizziness, or
pallor, or poor circulation. or disordered
digestion, or restlessness. or pains, or ir-
Irregularities of any kind these famous
pills should be used They have cured
the most obstinate cases of anemia, dys-
pepsia, rheumatism, neuralgia, nervous
prostration and even partial paralysis.
If you desire information specially
suited to your own case write directly to
the DIR. Williams Medicine Company,
Schenectady, NY. Every woman should
have copy of DR.. Williams Plain
Talks to Women. (which will be mailed
free to any address on request. Any
druggist can supply the pills.
The Elbert County tribune., 1905-06-08

In my youth longed to hear
Trumpet measures breathing clear
To the theme my heart should read;
In my youth l longed to see
Shades of Pierian ope for me-
Laurel boughs float down my need.
In my mid-age. naught 1 care.
For the trumpet's hollow blare-
Nesting wrens its throat NAV stopl
In my mid age. / require
Peace and shelter. household fire.
Ere their leaves the forests dropl
In my winter. shall / still
Seek abroad with fretful will.
Wanting all that l have noty
Let me swift that chance forestall.
Say. Whats mine is best OF all.
Else 1t were not in my lott"
Edith NJ. Thomas, in Lippincott's.
The Elbert County tribune., 1905-06-08

Edyth-Are you going to Niagara
No. went there on my two previous
wedding trips and ! believe it's hoo.
dooi
The Elbert County tribune., 1905-06-08

Your grocer returns your money If you don't
like schiiline's Best.
The Elbert County tribune., 1905-06-08

When a stupid-1ooxing tweive-year-
old boy was asked by the teacher in
what year he was born, be ssid that he
never was born. he had a stepmother."
The Elbert County tribune., 1905-06-08

No. the average man doesn't under
stand classical music-and he is proud
of it.
The Elbert County tribune., 1905-06-08
TEA
Is it tea that makes the Japl
What makes a Russian?

The unfortunate mans friends al
ways live a long way on.
The Elbert County tribune., 1905-06-08

Never Judge a mans knowledge of |
human nature by the opinion he has of |
himself.
The Elbert County tribune., 1905-06-08

When You Buy Starch
buy Defiance and get the best. 1s o.
for 10 cents. Once used, always used.
The Elbert County tribune., 1905-06-08

Mrs. Winslow's Soothing Syrup.
For children teething softens the gums reduces IN
nAmmaton, AiAys pain. cures wind collie 25c bottle.
The Elbert County tribune., 1905-06-08

Our tea is sound; our adj
vice is sound. Our advice
is as sound as our tea.
The Elbert County tribune., 1905-06-08

In the game of life diamonds are
trumps only when man has good
deal.
The morning Astorian. [volume] (Astoria, Oregon) 1899-1930, 1905-07-07

Total amount of fines IS 6s so
The morning Astorian. [volume] (Astoria, Oregon) 1899-1930, 1905-07-07
LAuNDRlEs.

10th and DUANE s..., Phou. 1891.
The morning Astorian. [volume] (Astoria, Oregon) 1899-1930, 1905-07-07
QUICK RETURN COLUMNS.
Situations Wanted Advertisements Inserted
Twice Without Charge
CALL FOR Blps.

SEALED PROPOSALS WILL be RE.
eeivcd at the Astoria National Bank,
until July Is, at 9 P, NJ, for the con.
struction, mason work, painting plumb
ing and electric wiring for addition to
the First NJ. +. church, Astoria, Oregon,
Information at Office OF Ferguson and
Houston, Architects.
The morning Astorian. [volume] (Astoria, Oregon) 1899-1930, 1905-07-07
From Account Licenses Issued.

S Gilnet licenses, "a .Ss... 44O 90
3 set net licenses a 2,S0..,, 80
| tran license. ........ sS 90
> scow fish whcets a SIS so 90
5 sty fish wheels, a $SS -. los 90
20 sein licenses, ss,SS0 a .oS
per foot ........,.,.. s64 %
5 fish dealers list classl a S. s5'Oe
fish dealers ,Ath classl -, 20 90
Total dist. No. ..,,,,,,,Sl, COS 20
The morning Astorian. [volume] (Astoria, Oregon) 1899-1930, 1905-07-07
REPORT FOR JUNE
Continued on page four.l


net ,..,..., - ''ss''sse
June ls.-From Justice Of
the Peace Goodman, Astoria,
Is of fine imposed against
Mate Benich for fishing with.
June l6.-From Justice Of
the Peace Goodman, Astoria Is
of fine imposed against Sam
Ness for fishing without prop
erly numbering his boat and
net 80, e. ..,...s'''.'.'''
June l6.-From justice OF
the Peace Goodman, Astoria, l.S
of fine imposed against Chas,
Wirkkala for fishing without
properly numbering his boat and
net E. E, =. E. ..,,,,......s
June 2S.-From Justice of
the Peace Goodman, Astoria, Is
OF fine imposed against H.
Claesen for fishing without
proerly numbering his boat
and net .. -. =, .-,.,.....,
June 24.-From Justice OF
the Peace Goodman, Astoria, Is
Of fine imposed against Fred
Lindstrom for fishing without
properly numbering his boat and
mel ..,.-,..,.,..s.
June 2S.-From Justice of
the Peace Goodman, Astoria, Is
of fine imposed against John
Parko for fishing without prop
erly numbering his boat and
net Observation-Disclosures.
June 2S.--From Justice OF
the Peace Goodman, Astoria. l-3
of fine imposed against Frank
Russell for operating seins
without properly displaying
his license numbers ......
June 2s.-From Justice of
the Peace Goodman. Astoria, l.3
Of fine imposed against George
Mareelli for fishing without
properly numbering his boat
and net -. =. .....
June 30.-From Justice OF
the Peace Goodman. Astoria. 2-3
OF fine imposed against Antoine
Mardesieh for having in his
possession a young sturgeon
under four feet in length 80. l3
Total amount of fines IS 6s
The morning Astorian. [volume] (Astoria, Oregon) 1899-1930, 1905-07-07
A Noisy Old Sur.

Scene: A garrison town. Time: Sun
set.
Old Visitor (startled as the gun Is
fred at sunsetl-Dear me! What's
that?
Native-0h. it's only sunset.
Old visitor-Why, does your sun set
here with a bang like that? II goe>
down quietly enough at our place
London Tit Bits
The morning Astorian. [volume] (Astoria, Oregon) 1899-1930, 1905-07-07

S
purity mpuy poison
matter the pusu
much acid the irritating um
human
polluted only reached by remedy that into the circulation
blood
The morning Astorian. [volume] (Astoria, Oregon) 1899-1930, 1905-07-07
MILK DEALERS.
A NEW PURE FOOD LAW.

ANEW PURE FOOD LAW.
in the state Of Washington requires that
all food packages shall nave printed on
the outside the ingredients thereof. II
you use our Pure MIX, Fresh From the
cowT, you won't have to look for the
label. We. guarantee its quality.
Morning or night delivery.
THE sLooP.JEFFERs co, 10th and
Duane streets.
The morning Astorian. [volume] (Astoria, Oregon) 1899-1930, 1905-07-07

FOR REST-COTTAGE OF 8 ROOMS
Apply Room 4, Page Building. If
The morning Astorian. [volume] (Astoria, Oregon) 1899-1930, 1905-07-07
DAUGHTER OF A HERO.

ular with Veterans.
Miss Carrie T, Wheeler. daughter OF
General Joe Wheeler, win be one Of the
sponsors for the south at the Confesi.
crate veterans reunion In Louisville
June l4.i6 She viii be prominent
among the fair daughters Of the south
The morning Astorian. [volume] (Astoria, Oregon) 1899-1930, 1905-07-07

you have any symptoms
of bad blood, and are
thinking of a blood puri-
fer, then think Of SIS. S.,
a remedy with a long
established reputation
and that has proven it.
self to be a specific in dis
eases of the blood, and a
superior tonic and sys-
TEN builder. S. S. S. con-
tains no mercury, pot
ash, arsenic or other
The morning Astorian. [volume] (Astoria, Oregon) 1899-1930, 1905-07-07

miners
reminded blood purifier for they found
thinking blood purifier think of S. S., which has been
fifty while the demand its history
without could exist long and the confidence Of the
medical advice which is without charge
SPECIFIC COMPANY ATLANTA e.
The morning Astorian. [volume] (Astoria, Oregon) 1899-1930, 1905-07-07
Disbursements.


The accounts against the department
which ! have approved and present here
with for payment amount to the sum OF
S6.O7s.67.
Hatchery fund. dist. No. S22l7 6s
Hatchery fund, dist. No. g. Si2 "a
Special fund, constructing hat
cherries on the Columbia river
(Wallowa hatchery :. e. l,l56 10
Special fund, constructing hat
cherries on the Coast streams
(Yaquina and South Coos hat
cheries) :. =. :. .... :. -. $40 SO
General fund =. e. ......... l,407 Oh
Special fund, operating and
maintaining hateheries on the
Coast streams tUmpqual -. 4O4 9s
Very respectfully submitted,
tSignedl H. G. VAN DUSEN,
Master Fish Warden.
The morning Astorian. [volume] (Astoria, Oregon) 1899-1930, 1905-07-07
Wheeling. W. Va, May q, 1903.

Ihavs used your 8. s. s. this spring,
and found It to be blood purifier Of the
best order. Ny system was run down
and my joints ached and panied me con-
siderably, and began to fear that / was
going to be laid up with Rheumatism.
had used 8. 8. s. before, and knew what
it was; 80 purchased bottle of It. and
have taken several bottles, with the result
that the aches and pains had are gone;
my blood has been cleansed and reno
vated, my general health built up. 50 that
] can cheerfully testify to It's virtues as :
blood purifier and tonic.
JOHN O. STEIN.
1888 Market Street.
The morning Astorian. [volume] (Astoria, Oregon) 1899-1930, 1905-07-07
STEAM WOOD SAW.
FoR RENT-RooMs.
TO RENT-HoUSES.

FOR RENT ROOM HOUSE. WEST
of Post Office. Enquire at this office.
The morning Astorian. [volume] (Astoria, Oregon) 1899-1930, 1905-07-07

Springfield, Ohio, May 10, 1903.
On two occasions have 7sed your
S. s. S. in the spring with fine results.
can heartily recommend it as tonic and
blood purifier. ! was troubled with
headaches, indigestion and liver trouble,
which all disappeared under the use OF a
few bottles Of your great blood remedy,
s. s. S. My appetite, which was poor,
was greatly helped. can eat anything
/ want now without fear Of indigestion,
and my blood has been thoroughly
cleansed Of impurities and made rich and
strong again. AS tonic and blood pur-
i6er 1t is all you claim for it.
MRS. GEORGE wIEGEL.
III z. Main St.