The Kemper herald. (Scooba, Miss.) 1875-1908, 1905-06-01
JUST FOR u

Stella-Jack said l was the eternal
feminine. Bella-How mean of him to
refer to your age.-Brooklyn Life.
She-I'm thinking of changing my
name. What would you suggest? He
Mine. She-All right.-Cleveland
Plain Dealer
Gracye-Maude asked George to kiss
her. Gladys-Well, l like her cheek!
Gracye-So did George.-Louisville
Gourier-Journal.
He-Why have you nicknamed your
dog circumstances" She-Because
[ have absolutely no control over him.
Detroit Free Press.
Miss Pert-Which half is it thai
doesn't know how the other half lives!
Miss Caustique-The better half
Philadelphia Record.
Brother-You can't think how nerv-
ous | was when | proposed. Sister
You can't think how nervous h was
until you did.-Town and Country.
Jack-Why do you girls spend SO
much time and money or dress? Nell
(candidly)-To interest the men and
worry other girls.-Philadelphia Press.
Nip-What was the greatest luck
you ever had hunting? Tuck-Once
when a fellow shot at me in mistake
for a deer and missed me.-Philadel-
phia Record.
well, this is a put-up job, all
right" said the man, as he struggled
under his wife's direction, to hang the
pictures on the parlor wall.-Somer-
vile Journal.
Dashaway-I'm afraid I'll v get
my ring back from that Piper girl.
Cleverton-Why, l thought she was a
peach. Dashaway-She is-clingstone
variety.-Judge.
"That Mrs. Giltedge is awfully
proud" How so?' "Why, her father
tried to advise her and she wouldn't
nave it because advice is cheap"
Cleveland Plain Dealer.
"Why does that Congressman say so
many more clever things than the rest
Of us?" HE is shrewd enough to pick
put the brightest reporters to interview
him."-Washington Star.
Victim-Help! Police! l am being
robbed and murdered! Policeman
All right; I'll be there as o as I
have helped this pretty young lady
across the street.-New Yorker.
81 had to laugh the other day
"You don't mean you were absolutely
compelled to, l hope?" That's just
what l mean. This vas my employers
ioke."-New Orleans Times-Democrat.
He-Miss Sears tells me she has
made up her mind never to marry.
She-Oh, that's an old trick of hers.
She wants people to think she's still
4 giddy young thing.-Chicago News.
Blobbs-Education is often a waste
Of time and energy. Slobbs-That's
right. l once knew a fellow who spent
i've years teaching his parrot to swear
and then went and got religion.-Phil-
adelphia Record.
Mrs. Peck OBSERVATION-DISCLOSURES
are you, anyhow, a man or a mouse?
Henry Peck (bitterly)-A man, my
lear. If / were a mouse I'd have you
Up on that table yelling for help right
now!-Cleveland Leader.
Eyes," said the IA who poses as
4 connoisseur, Il am fond of music, al.
though l don't know how to play"
That" replied young Mrs. Torkins, "is
just the way Charley is with the
races. Star.
"Have you a good cook?" asked Mrs.
Bond Hill. Eyes, she's good enough"
replied Mrs. Chester Park. "She at
tends church three times a week and
all that, but her cooking is something
ferce."-Philadelphia Inquirer.
"Just from Ireland, are your asked
Mrs. Hiram Often of the applicant, land
we're you trained across the water?"
"Shure, we must know betther nor
that, ma'am," replied the girl. II was
shipped across. '-Philadelphia Press.
pop" Eyes, my son." what is
an optimism" "An optimist is a man
who believes that everything to
him who waits" "And If he waits
and nothing comes, what is he, pop?"
why, he's a fool!"-Yonkers States
mar.
"Of course" said the man who likes
to moralize, nature has it's compen-
sations for all. Lightning, you know,
never strikes twice in the same place."
That's small comfort for the man who
is struck in the first place." replied the
Observation-Disclosures Record.
Mrs. Younglove-Be sure not to pass
that cake on the sideboard to the
guests this evening, won't you, dear?
Mt. Youngloye-Why not? Mrs.
Younglove-Because l made a mistake
and put in bluing instead of vanilla.
1t tastes queer, but isn't it a beautiful
sky blue?-Detroit Free Press.
Opportunity knocks at a mans
door but once in his lifetime" ex-
claimed the prison chaplain to the
bank sneak. Nov, see here, parson,
opportunity knocked at my door four
lines that l can remember Of" "And
lid you grasp it each timer" Il did.
and got sent up each time."-Cincin-
aati Commercial Tribune.
French horticulture in the expert