The Goodland republic. [volume] (Goodland, Kan.) 1891-1907, 1905-12-15
HOW TO REACH OLD AGE
MARK TWAIN DTVULGEs SECRET
RECIPE.
Smoke one Cigar at a Time, and Quit
8Iince Pie at Night, Go to Bed and
Get Up When You Have To-

! letter on the occasion OF the banquet
/ in honor OF Mark Twain's 10th birth
day:
November q, 1sO5.-8y Dear
/ Colonel Harvey: wish It were in my
/ power to be at the dinner held to ceIe-
/ brate the seventeen birthday Of Mark
I Twain It is difficult 70 write OF him
by his real name, instead Of that name
which has become a household word,
/ and wherever the English language
+ is spoken He is one Of the citizens
whom all Americans should delight
TO honor, for he has rendered a great
and peculiar service to America, and
his writings, though such as no one
but an American could have written,
yet emphatically come within that
small list which are written for no
particular country, but for all cOun-
tries, and which are Of an abiding and
permanent value. Nay he live long,
and year by year may he add to the
sum Of admirable work, that he has
done Sincerely yours,
THEODORE ROOSEVELT"
Mark Twain's speech in full at the
banquet is as follows:
The SEVENTEEN birthday It is the
time Of life when you arrive at a new
and awful dignity; when you may
throw aside the decent reserves which
have oppressed you for a generation,
and stand unafraid and unabashed
upon your seven-terraced summit, and
look down and teach-unrebuked
You can tell the world how you got
there It is what they all do. You
shall never get tired Of telling by
what delicate arts and deep mOralities
you climbed up to the great place
You viii explain the process and dwell
on the particulars with senile rapture
have been anxious to explain my
own system this long time, and now
at last have the right
4 have achieved my seventy years
in the usual way-by sticking strictly
10 a scheme Of my life which would
kill anybody else 1t seems like an
exaggeratiOn, but that is really the
common rule for attaining old age.
We have no permanent habits until we
are forty Then they begin to harden,
presently they petrify, then business
begins Since forty have been regu-
lar about going TO bed, and getting
up-and that is one Of the main
things. I have made it a rule to go
to bed when there was not anybody
left to sit up with; and I have made
it rule to get up when I had to.
This has resulted in an answering
regularity of irregularity.
IN the matter OF 0leE-Wn1ch IS an
other main thing have been persist
emily strict in sticking to the things
which didn't agree with me, until one
or the other OF US got the best Of it
Until lately 1 got the best Of It my
self, but last spring I stopped frOlick-
ing with minCe pie after midnight
Up to then I had always believed it
wasn't loaded For thirty years have
taken coffee and bread at s in the
morning, and no bite nor sup till 1920
in the evening
Il have made it a rule never to
smoke more than one cigar at a time.
I have no other restrictions as regards
smoking I do not know just when
1 began to smoke. I only know that
it was in my fathers lifetime, and that
il was discreet He passed from this
life early in 1S4T, when was a shade
past IL Ever since then have
smoked publicly. AS an example to
others, and not that I care for mod
Grafton myself, it has always been my
rule never to smoke when asleep, and
never to refrain when awake.
As for drinking, I have no rule
about that When the others drink
I like to help; otherwise, I remain dry
by habit and preference. This dry
ness does not hurt me, but it could
~
ferent You let it alone
since was years oIdI have sell
dom taken a dose Of medicine, and
have still more seldom needed one But
up to I lived exclusively on aIlOpa-
thic medicines. Not that I needed
them. for I don't think I did: il was
for economy; my father took a drug
store for a debt, and it made cod liv-
CT oil cheaper than the other break
fast foods I was the first Standard
Oil trust. I had il all BY the time
the drug store was exhausted my
health was established, and there has
never been much the matter with me
since.
Il have never taken any exercise, ex-
cept sleeping and resting, and never
intend to take any Exercise is IOath-
some And it cannot be any benefit
when you are tired; I was always
tired.
Il have lived a severely moral life
But it would be a mistake for other
people to try it, or for me to recon-
mend it Very few would succeed.
You have to have a perfectly colossal
stock Of morals, and you cannot get
them on margin; you have to have
the whole thing and put them in your
box Morals are an requirement.
ike music, like g foreign language,
like piety, poker, paralysis-no man
is born with them I wasn't myself
I started poor.
Three score years and ten
Served His Term
1T is the scripturaI statue OF limit
atiOns- After that you owe no active
duties; for you the strenuous life is
over. You are q time-expired man
I to use Kipling's military phrase You
have served your term. well or less
well, and you are mustered out You
3 are become an honorary member Of
I the republic, you are emancipated,
/ cOmpUlsiOns are not for you, nor any
I bugle call but Tights out You pay
I the time-wOrn duty bills II you choose,
I or decline il you prefer-and without
T prejudice; for they are not legally col
{ Iectible-"