davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1905-06-08
BEFORE THE OLD MAINE LAW
Anecdote Is Told of a Struggle for
Prohibition in the Pine
Tree State.

N. F. Woodbury., the Maine repre-
sentative of the prohibition national
committee. was talking about the
political fights for total abstinence
that have from time to time stirred
up his state. "In the past" said Mr..
Woodbury., before Maine had been
won over to prohibition, there used to
be a village-a bleak, gray village on
The coast-where the contests over the
liquor question were always hot. In
this village, as election day drew near,
each party would try to do Guido the
other. If n side paraded 100 strong
the other side paraded 200 strong. If
one side held a mass meeting and en-
ployed a band, the other side would
hold a mass meeting with a band and
O. lunch as well. There was one liquor
saloon in the village. and a week be-
fore a certain election a placard as big
as the entire front Of the house was
raised before it. This enormous plac-
ard said in huge rel letters: If the
prohibition law passes this house will
be closed The saloon, o see, was
cozy and inviting to such as liked a
glass of beer, and the purpose of the
placard was to put sorrow and fear
into the breasts of drinking men, TO
stlr them up to win votes, lest their
pleasant meeting place be taken from
them. That was the idea of the plac-
ard, and it was a good idea. But in the
lead Of the night certain odd noises
were heard, and the next morning the
enormous placard covered the front OF
the village poorhouse
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1905-06-08

The czar of Russia and the emperor
OF Germany might, If they please, dis
pute with each other as to which of
the two owns the greater number of
palaces. Each might sleep in a differ
ent house every night for a month and
not exhaust the number of his various
dwelling places. The car is said to
W many country seats-which are
kept up in every detail, furnished and
furnished, and crowded with servants
into which he has never set foot.
King Edward, Of England, while occu.
plying regularly but four, has a dozen
or more homes. which are ready fol
him at all times.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1905-06-08

How often do WI hear women say: SIT
seems as though my back would break
or Don't speak to me, l am all out of
sorts?" These signifcantremarks prove
that the system requires attention.
Backache and s. the blues" are direct
symptoms Of an inward trouble which
will sooner or later declare itself. 1t
may be caused by diseased kidneys or
some uterine arrangement. Nature
requires assistance and at once, and
Lydia E. Pinkham's Vegetable Com
pound instantly asserts it's curative
powers in all those peculiar ailments of
women. 1t has been the standby of
intelligent American women for twenty
years. and the ablest specialists agree
that it is the most universally success
full remedy for woman's ills known to
medicine.
The following letters from Mrs.
Holmes and Mrs. Cotrely are among
the many thousands which Mrs. Pink
ham has received this year from those
whom she has relieved.
Surely such testimony is convincing.
Mrs. JIG. Holmes, of Larimore, North
Dakota, writes:
Dear Mrs. Pinkham:-
II have suffered everything with backache
and womb trouble-I let the trouble run on
until my system was in such a condition that
l was unable to be about, and then it was I
commenced to use Lydia E. Pinkham's Vege-
table Compound. II 1 had only known how
much suffering l would nave saveL,, l should
have taken it months sooner-for a few
weeks treatment made me well and strong.
My backaches and headachesa are all gone and
l suffer no pain at my menstrual periods,
whereas before I took Lydia E. Pinkham's
Vegetable Compound l suffered intense pain. i"
Mrs. Emma Cotrely, 1O9 East 18th
Street, New York City, writes:
Ask Mrs. Pinkham'S AdyiCe-A WON
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1905-06-08

things, and the next morning we start
ed. Dad wanted me to stay at the sta
ton a couple of days, while he was
gone. and play with the goats, but I
told him if there we're any places In
the mountains or GLACIERS any more
dangerous than Paris or Monte Carlo, |
wanted to visit them, so he let me go
Well, we were rugged up for discover
ing the north pole. and had alpen-
stocks to push ourselves up with, and
the guides had ropes to pull us up
when we got to places where we
couldn't climb. | could get along all
right, but they had dad on a rope most
of the time pulling him until his
tongue run out and his face turned
blue. But dad was game, and don't
you forget it.
Before noon We got on top of a
glazier, which is the ice of a frozen
river, that moves all the time, sliding
towards the sea. There was nothing
but a hard winter, in summer, to the
experience, and We would have gone
back the same night, only dad slipped
down a crevice about 100 feet with the
rope on him, and the two guides
couldn't pull him up, and we had to
send a lunch down to him on the rope
and one of the guides had to go back
to the village for help to get dad up.
Well, sir, | think dad was nearer dead
than he ever was before, but they sent
down a bottle of brandy, and when he
drank some of it the snow began to
melt and he was warm enough to use
bad language.
He yelled to me that this was the
limit and wanted to know how long
they were going to keep him there. I
yelled to him that one of the, guides
had gone for help to pull him out, and
he said for them to order a yoke of
oxen. I told him that probably he
would have to remain there until
spring opened and that I was going
back to America and leave him there,
and he better pray. I don't know
whether dad prayed. down there in the
oo"Cio VI luC LlouuIuiIo, Jul ie uluu l.
pray when help came. and they finally
hauled him up. His breath was gone,
but he gave those guides some Ian
guage that would set them. to think
ing if they could have understood
him. and finally we started down the
mountain. They kept the rope on dad
and every little while he would slip
and slide 100 feet or so down the
mountain on his pants. and the snow
would go up his trousers legs clear to
his collar, and the exercise made him
hot that the steam came out of his
clothes. and he looked like a locomo-
tive wrecked in a snow bank blowing
off steam.
1t became dark and I expected we
would be killed. but before midnight
we got to the station and changed our
clothes and paid off the guides and
took a train back. Dad said to me, as
we got on the cars: Nov, Hennery. T
done this glazier stunt, just to
show you that a brave tlan, whatever
his age, is equal to anything they can
propose in Europe. but by ginger, this
settles it, and now I want to go where
come easier. I am now going
to Turkey and see how the Turks wor-
ry along. Are you with me?" "You
bet your life" says I. Yours truly.
HENNERY
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1905-06-08
PORTLAND EXPOSITION NOTES.

The manufacture of gold pens will
form one of the many interesting work.
ing displays at the Lewis and Clark ex-
position.
st. Louis artists will have a compre-
hensive exhibit of Missouri art at the
Lewis and Clark exposition, as an Off
set to the general belief that Missouri
produces mainly apples and army
mules.
The Illinois building at the Lewis and
Clark exposition is a replica of the
home in which Abraham Lincoln lived
while a resident Of Springfield. This
property is said to have been the only
real estate the martyred president aver
owned.
The Massachusetts building at the
Lewis and Clark exposition has as its
distinguishing feature a replica Of the
famous Bullinch front Of the old state
house in Boston. When the state
house was rebuilt Massachusetts, went to
an expense Of SO, 900, 900 to retain this
front.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1905-06-08

so much about Is no better than lakes
all yer Wisconsin. and there are no
black bass or muskellunges in it.
The tourists here are Just daffy
about climbing mountains and GLACIERS,
and they talk about 1t all the
t,rna. and | could see dads finish.
They told him that no American
that wei visited Switzerland would
be recognized when he got home
If he had not climbed the glaciers. SO
dad arranged for a trip up into the
sky. We went 100 miles or so on
the cars passing along valleys where
all the cows wear tea bells, and 1t
sounds like chimes in the distance. 1t
Is beautiful in Switzerland, but the
cheese is something awful. A piece of
native Swiss cheese would break up a
family.
At night we arrived at a station
where we hired guides and clothes. and
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1905-06-08

every cent we had gambling. Well
we wondered about it all night, and
had our breakfast sent up to our room
n had 1t charged, expecting thai
when the bill came in we would have
to jump into the ocean, as we had nc
gun to kill ourselves with. Just after
breakfast a duke, or something, came
to our room, and dad said it was all
off, and he called upon the Dakota
man to make a speech on politics,
while dad and l skipped out. We
thought the duke, who was the mana
ger of the hotel, would not under
stand the speech. and would think we
were great people, who had got
stranded.
The Dakota man started in on a
democratic speech that he used to de-
liver in the campaign of '96, and in
half an hour the duke held I'D his
hands, and the Dakota man let up on
the speech. Then the duke took out
a roll of bills and said: "Ze shentle-
men is what you call bust. Is it not
so?" Daid said he could be. ais life
1t was so. Then the dune handed
the roll of bills to dad, and said 1t
was a tribute from the prince of
Monaco, and that we were his guests,
and when our stay was at an end, auto
mobiles would be furnished for us to
go to Nice, where WI could cable home
for funds, and be happy.
Well. when the duke left us, dad
said: Wouldn't that skin your and
he gave the Dakota man one Of the
bills to try on the bartender. and
when he found the money was good
we ordered an automobile and skipped
out for Nice. The chauffeur could not
understand English, so we talked over
the situation and decided that the only.
way to be looked upon as genuine au-
tomobilists would be to wear goggles
and look prosperous and mad at
everybody. We took turns looking
mad at everybody we passed on the
road, and got it down so fine that peo-
pie picked up rocks after we had
passed, and threw them at us, and then
we knew that we were succeeding In
being considered genuine, rich auto
mobile tourists.
After we had succeeded fer an hour
or two in convincing the people that
we were properly heartless and purse
proud, dad SAID ~ only thing we
needed to make the trip a success was
to run over somebody. He said nearly
all the American automobile tourists
In Europe had killed somebody and
had been obliged to settle and sup
port a family or two in France or
Italy, and they we're prouder Of it than
they would be il they endowed a uni
versity, or built a church, and he said
he trusted our chauffeur would not be
too careful in running through the
country, but would at least cripple
some one.
Well. lust before we got to Nice. and
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1905-06-08

knees and tried to say a prayer, the
Dakota man held up both hands like it
was a stage being held up, and | cried.
Finally the chauffeur said, in broken
English, that the husband would set
tie for $500, because he could pay
the funeral expenses, get another wife
for half the money and have some
thing left to lay up for Christmas.
AS the mans gun was pointed at dad,
he quit praying and gave up the
money and agreed to send $50 a
month for II years, until the oldest
child was of age.
Well, we got away, alive, got into
Nice, and the chauffeur started back
and We cabled home for none to be
sent to Geneva, Switzerland. But,
say; you have not heard the sequel.
A story that has a sequel is always
the best, and l hope to die il the po-
lice of Nice didn't tell us that we were
buncoed by that old woman and that
the chauffeur was in the scheme and
got part of dads money. The way
they do it is to wait till dark, and then
roll the woman in the dust and put
some red ink on her face, and she pre-
tends to be run over. and the doctor
is hired by the month, and they average
$500 a night, playing that game on au-
tomobile tourists from America. After
the woman is run over every night,
and the money is collected, and the
victims have been allowed to go on
their way, the whole community gath
ers at the house of the injured WON
an and they have a celebration and a
dance, and probably our Chauffeur got
back to the house that night in time
to enjoy the celebration. I suppose
thousands of Americans are paying
money for killing people that never
got a scratch.
Say, we think in America that we
have plenty Of ways to rob the tender
foot, but they give us cards and spades
and little casino and beat us every
time. Dad wanted to hire a hack and
go back and finish that old woman
with an ak, because he said he had a
corpse coming to him. but the police
told him he could be arrested for
thinking murder, and that he was a
dangerous man, and that they would
give him II hours to get out of France,
and so We bought tickets for Switzer-
land, though what we came here for
| don't know, only dad said it was a
republic like America and he wanted
to breathe the free air of mountains
in the home of the Switzerkase.
Well, anybody can have Switzerland
II they want it. | will sell my inter
est cheap. The first three days we
were here everybody wanted us to go
out on the lake, said to be the most
beautiful lake in the world, and we
on it, and rowed on 1t, and
looked down into the clear water
where 1t is said you can see a corpse
on the bottom of the lake 100 feet
down. We hadn't lost any corpse. ex-
cept the corpse of that old woman we
run over at Nice. but we wanted to get
the worth of u money, so we kept
looking for days, but the search for a
corpse becomes tame after awhile. and
gave it up. All we saw in the bot
tom of the lake was a COW, but no man
can weep properly over the remains
Of a COW, and dad said they could go
to the deuce with their corpses, and
just camped at the hotel till our
money came. Say, that lake they talk
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1905-06-08
Jap Generals in tae Field.

Frederick Palmer, the correspondent
who has been with Gen. Kuroki in the
field, says in his recently published
book: Gen. Kuroki spent most of his
time in the shade. Gen. Fuji, the chief,
went to sleep in the thick of the fight
on the I'd. He had worked most Ct the
night planning for that day. He could
not make the work of our infantry any
easier or make the fire of our guns any
more accurate by watching them.
When he was wanted he could be
awakened"
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1905-06-08
Cars "Polioe noo.s y

1t is said that at the instance Of the
ear trained police dogs" have been
purchased from Brunswick. Germany,
where the animals are said to be edu-
Gated for this work in a name far SUI
perior to any other locality. The ami
mails secured by the Russian govern
ment were designed especially for the
service Of protecting the car.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1905-06-08

tEx-Governor of Wisconsin, Formerly Pub
iisl.er of Peck's Sun. Author of "Peck's
Bad Boy" Etc.)
Copyright. 1906, BY Joseph B. Bowles.)
GENEVA, SWITZERLAND. MY
DEAR OLD MAN: BY ginger, but l
would like to be home now. | have
had enough CT foreign travel; | don't
see what is the use OF travelling, to see
people Of foreign countries, when you
can go to any large city in America,
n find more people belonging. to any
foreign country than you can find by
going to that country, and they know
a COMPOUNDED sight more. Take the
Russians in New York, the N%orwegians
OF Minnesota, the Italians of Chicago,
and the Germans in Milwaukee, and
they can talk English, and you can find
out all about their W countries by
talking with them, but you go to their
countries and the natives don't know
that there is such a language as the
United States language, and they laugh
at you when you ask questions. I am
sick of the whole business, and would
give all l ever expect to be worth, to
be home right now, with my skates
sharp.
| would like to open the door of your
old grocery, and take one long breath,
and die right there on the doorstep.
rather than to live in luxury in any for
eign country. Do you know, | sometimes
go into a grocery store abroad, and
smell around, in order to get my
thoughts On dear old America, but
nothing abroad smells as the same
thing does in our country. If | could
get one more smell of that key OF
sauerkraut back of your counter, when
1t is ripe enough to pick, I think I
would break right down and cry for
JOY. Of course | have smelled sauer-
kraut over here, but it all seems new
and tame compared to yours. 1t may
be the kraut here is not aged enough
to be good, but yours is aged enough
to vote and sticks to your clothes.
Gee, but | just ache to get into your
grocery and eat things, and smell
smells, and then lay down on the
counter with the cat with m head on
a pile of wrapping paper and go to
sleep and wake up in America, an
American citizen, that no king or
queen can tell to "hush up" and take
off my hat when I want my hat on.
You may wonder how we got out of
Monte Carlo, when we had lost
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1905-06-08

teen years l suffered
with terrible pain in
my back. l did not
know what it was to
enjoy a nights rest
and arose in the
morning feeling tired
and unrefreshed. My
suffering sometimes
was simply indie
scribable. When L
finished the first box
OF Doan's Kidney
Pills | felt like a
different woman 1
continued until | had
taken five boxes.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1905-06-08
Not in His Line.

She-Mr. Yankem, do you know the
meaning Of the Latin phrase, "ReQui-
escat In pace?"
Helm afraid not, I'm a dentist,
you know, not a physician.-Chicago
Daily News.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1905-06-08
Lesson from Japan.

From the Japanese we are slowly
learning not to bunch a miscellaneous
lot OF cut flowers in wads for vases, but
to give each flower its natural, charac-
teristic attitude and isolation, and the
result is far more artistic and beautiful.
Magazine.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1905-06-08

Doan's Kidney Pills act very effective
ly, very promptly, relieve the aching
pains and all other annoying difficult
ties"
Foster-Milburn Co., Buffalo, N. Y.
For sale by all druggists. Price SC
cents per box.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1905-06-08

Sometimes" said the literary man
with spectacular tendencies, zone
comes to a point where it is a terrible
strain to write any more" Eyes,"
answered Mr.. Dustin Stax; 81 often
experience that sensation in working
on a check book"
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1905-06-08

Il was surprised" said Rev. Mr..
Goodman, s%ternly, ito see you playing
golf last Sabbath. I should think
you'd do better" "Oh!" replied
Hardcase, II usually do. I was in
wretched form last Sunday"
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1905-06-08

What" exclaimed Crittick. Co
Ing on the lecture platform, are your"
yes" replied the conceited young
author; that is Just to give readings
from my own works, you know"
But suppose you should prove to be a
poor reader, too. 1t would be q double
frost"
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1905-06-08
The Only Wav.

If you want a thing well done"
began the Quotation Fiend.
Tell the waiter you want it rare
finished the restaurant victim.-Cleye-
land Leader.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1905-06-08

"Ah! proud beauty" exclaimed lit
tie Sniffkins, you spurn my love now,
but, let me tell you, I will not always
be a clerk. l." That's so," inter-
rupted the heartless girl, you may
lose your job"
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1905-06-08
TALES OF THE TIMES.

Once the late bishop Of London was
ordered by his physician to spend the
winter in Algiers. The bishop said it
was impossible; he had so many en-
gagements. well, my lord bishop"
said the specialist, sit either meal AL
giers or Heaven" ooh, in that case"
said the bishop, "Ill go to Algiers."
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1905-06-08
SUNDRY SQUIBS.

Wife-'The Chinese begin the new
year by paying all their bills" Hus-
oand-"But, my dear, the Chinese are
heathen."
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1905-06-08
COMPLETELY RESTORED.

, Mrs. P. Brunei, wife of P. Brunei,
stock dealer, residence BILL Grand
Ave. Everett, Wash. saws: "For ff-
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1905-06-08

Mathematics being the topic of con-
versation of a group in an English inn
one evening, one of the company pro-
pounded the old-time problem: IF a
herring and a half cost a penny and
a half, what would three behring's
COST" There was a silence for several
minutes while all sat smoking and
thinking. At last one of the thinkers
spoke: "Bill, did you say 'erring or
mackerel?"
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1905-06-08
"The Simple Life"
Proper Food is Really the First
Step in Right Living.

One of the evils of our complex mod
ern way of living, is our unnatural and
unhealthy foods.
To have really good health and a
good stomach it is necessary to eat
simple nourishing food. EGG-O-SEE
is the ideal food, and reaches the
proper requirements in this direction
o nearly than any other cereal now
on the market.
To make EGG-O-SEE the kernels of
the choicest California white wheat
are first cleansed by brushes, then thor
Oughly steam cooked, then faxed and
crisped to a maple tint and delicately
favored with natural fruit juice and
pure grain sugar.
In these delicious flakes, lies the
mighty strengthening power of the
whole wheat grain that evenly nour-
ishes every part Of the body, and gives
physical and mental energy that means
splendid health and successful en-
deavor.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1905-06-08

Dear Mrs. Pinkham:-
"Ifeelitmy duty to- tell all suffering women
Of the relief | have found in Lydia L. Pink
hams Vegetable Compound. When I COM
menced taking the Compound l suffered
everything with backaches, headaches, men-
strual and ovarian troubles. am complete
ly cured and enjoy the best of health, and I
owe it all to you"
When women are troubled with irrey-
ular, suppressed or painful menstrua-
ron, weakness, leucorrh9a, displace-
ment or liberation of the womb, that
bearing down feeling, Inflammation OF
the ovaries, backache, bloatiug Tor
flatulence), general debility, indiges-
ton and nervous prostration. or are be-
set with such symptoms as dizziness,
faintness, lassitude, excitability, irrita-
bility, nervousness. sleeplessness, mel
ancholy, 'all gone" and "want-to-be-
left-alone' feelings, blues and hopeless
ness, they should remember there is ono
tried and true remedy, Lydia Z. Pink
hams Vegetable Compound at once re-
moves such troubles.
No other medicine in the world has
received such widespread and unqual-
fed endorsement. No other medicine
has such a record of cures of female
troubles. Refuse to buy any substitute.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1905-06-08
FREE ADVICE TO WOMEN

Remember, every woman is cordially
invited to write to Mrs. Pinkham il
there is anything about her symptoms
she does not understand. Mrs. Pink.
hams address is Lynn, Mass, her
advice is free and cheerfully given 70
every ailing woman who asks for it
Der advice and medicine have restored
to health more than one hundred thou.
sand women.
m Best Understands a Woman's aIHS,