The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1905-02-19
Whirns of the Idler'
THE PR OBLEM OF A .ssCO UNT2Y HAM

esas.s.alplI,l1llllul
i Despite the long, Intervening stretch OF
ldreary fleadows. low.g grounds and road
Ways, molten to-day with suti-brcwcd
lslusf, or concealed Tomorrow with rigid
Ice, tilere is still one link In tlienlory's
chain that binds us to our rural cousins p n
land makes VI dream Of SUMMER days Il. 70
4 come. ~ u 3tst u y8ss s85 a5
4 n This link was once inst met with life and
4 wandered Joyousiy through pastures green
Eor5,wood,ands brown, to seek the sweet
usylums offered by rustic environs. n.
81 In short. our3 present mementtp Of
5bucollc friendship was erst q horgs md
/ Is to-day h country ham, or rather what,
KNIVES and forks have left Of IT. I'll III 4
Even us these nppreciatlvo--ifa not ap-
Observation-Disclosures are being penned. the dis
rnantle1 treasure wal Ito We. "a g symphony
Hin russet and pink, within our largest
Eblue DISH and triunlphanuy secs itself
4 dminishgand perish q Urinary martyr. 551
4 There are horgs ana horgs (both human
4 Land porclnc) and there are hams and
lhnms Doth smlthfieldian8and occIdontaD,
4 but after all, the meat takes on Its rlch-.
1 est, ss sweetest, most III wholesome " flavor
when II #is merely known as Country
lham.1 Put that dear old nd 1ective TX oun-
try before your prod uce--your gastric
fuei for Wintrys d ays--and BIO 3the article
butter, eggs milk, vegetables, sausage Or
blessed crcati0r-ham, he food forth
with takes on Ia aml,rosai flavor. and
somehow grows irresistibly tempting. ~ gs5
The defunctt horg that carno our wa y----or,
moro speci flcally. the portion OF the late
hog that reached us-arr rived by express,
and, like our country cousins some times
do dropped In quite especially Ycls
come :? Why q thousand times welcome +
could have hugged It to my BOSOM, had
my semi annual cleen shirt not at that
time been In the zenit tn Of Its whiteness. N
Tenderly we essayed to lift the pon-
defo us visitor; joyously we realized that
| It. defled the united strength Of cook and
! house GIRL Had the quadruped original
Of which this ham was only q 6noietysof
the rear end been made OF cut glass.
sevres porcelain or yVedgewood china,
we couldn't have handled the meat more
gingerly, more rcverentially.t or III more
ldeftly. We faing would have dipped our
napkins In its sacred grease had any
grease exuded from the paper wrappings
and as things were, we even hated for
our interested next door neighbor to get
any Of the savory smell. NJ s$s a
8Ea5"I have met that shorg personally, rap-3
turously excla lined the nominal head Of
! THE house to the Communicating Chief,
who, with arms, aklnbo, smilingly sur
as TO Its reception. Alas, poor rooter!
! knew HIM illuns 4 2 porker Of infinite
fat, Of most subtle aroma through the
| wormwood fences he hath shown me his
! back q thousand times, and now. how
ca gcrly in my imagination ! chew him!t
My mouth waters at him. Here hung
those 1owls that Il have kissed mo, no.,
here hung those jowls$ that S$1 have ad y
mired, 4 know no I how 4 OFT. ~ Where be
your grunts nov? Your rootings? Your
Ssqueals ~ our attacks on the swill-ttlb,
that were wont. to set the styesin roar?
| Not one now to greedily gobble up your
portion? Quite chop fallen? Now get
you oB1nys ladies pantry and tell her. let
you boil three hours: Il to this favor she
must como a make L her busy With n that.
Fry thee, woman n, dost taste the critter?"
"A little more practical assistance on
your part and less spewing Of Shakes
Speare. quoth the ms tho deal Queen Bee,
would tend materially towards aiding
me. Y Is one thing to eat ham,- an
occonpl iShme mt In F which IL I "a recognize
your proflciency-and another thing to
cook It. + don't expect to have to send
the Pnkertons after you whan the meat
is served {she always says Served when,
our food Is ex ira good). but would fall
swooning 10 the floor were you to lift
n finger In actually HELPING me- III.
And Fight here 7 could SEQ that things
were busy i'll the good woman dome of
thought-that something puzzling was
whtrling around in her coeoanut. She
gnawcd her cooking book like heroines
chew their point lace handkerchiefs In
novels, and cut her eyes around In q
most restles neasy way.
| Not satisfied, after all PHI auerled..
$50 much human nature In you that you
CAN'T keep the still small voice from say
Ing whole horg or none?' Let's wire for
the rest OF the pig. including the chitter-
lings (Which informally we pronounce
Not a bit Of IT,. Indignantly rotorted
the, household buzzer. 1T was dear OF
'en1to send it-just dear, But plague take
u ! know how to cook the pesky thing, I"
Don't let's have political barbecue In
behalf OF tho Prohibition candidate
And thereupon the Queen Bee indlil-5
gently told me that tho rear moiety OF
horg would have to be billed for hours ana
then baked and sea soned with q degree
OF care and skill tina would put the Gulf
nary cunning OF nlisslonary-enting canni-
balls to tho blush. 3t
THE thing gives me the high bIllioum
fips.'t added the Queen Bee reflectively,$
els not how to cook the ham,, but what to \
cook It In. It isn't like stewlng prunes.
you know, or preparing an egg omelette,"@
Never having made n specially OF cook
Ing hams. I was utterly unable to relieve
the pressure. which, owing to the entlc-s
ing smell OF the meat, had become very
great by now. Tho nominal head OF the
house could not SO much as induce the !
good woman TO hearken casually, to his
suggestions. 7
Once our hearthslde genius thought she
had solved the problem. The flfty-pound
lard can VIII serve my purpose, she joy A
fully exclaimed. But 1t didn't work, 81 It
wa En,t large enough, if4a 8 aEtf 8iti