Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1905-02-15

OIL Will
Il think size was rather absentmind-
ed that day and Is ready to admit it,
But what do you think OF man who'll
get to the depot for journey of 500
miles and then discover that he has left
money and tickets behindy
Meaning me. of coursew
''Of course"
"AIl OF which was because | trusted
you to see me off and you failed me
Now and then man may be excused
for being absentminded, but woman
never! II | had kept a list OF your
lapses the length OF 1t would astOnish
you. The best thing you can do is to
keep quiet and read this book | find
that since | began it l have a much
clearer memory
Mrs. Bowser, "but meanwhile let me
ask you what you did with the gimlet
after using it last evening""
Il put 1t back in the tool box, Of
course"
1T is not there"
hCi yOu AAuF z lClllOFCu lL
Certainly not You were using 1t
upstairs, and you left it on window
sill. When you came down you got
the screwdriver and went down Gel
lar to tighten up water faucet
Where did you leave it?'
I'm the tool box, and I'll bet mil
lion dollars to cent"
You left it on the cellar bottom
Night before last you went over to the
painters after pound Of putty. You
forgot what you wanted and brought
home q can of blue paint. Three even
ings ago, when you were going out for
cigars, | asked you to stop at the drug
store and bring me little peppermint
essence. You came home with lauda-
mum. How many times in the last
year have you walked into the houses
on either side Of us, thinking you were
in your own? 1t wasn't week ago
that you took the wrong car and went
a mile out of your way. When Mrs.
Green came in here the other day you
smiled and bowed at the cat and start
ed to kick the lady. l am glad you
have little book on memory, Mr.. Bow
ser. You certainly need it."
You are talking to me, are your
asked Mr. Bowser, who was turning
three or four colors and hitching
around in his chair.
Il am, SIR
"And you are trying to make out that
I'm born fool?
mo, not that, but if that book helps
you any it will be a good thing. You
thought l didn't know how many
pieces were in the parlor suit, although
l had seen them daily for two years.
You have been from here to the corner
three and four times day for the last
ten years. How many shade tees do
/ you pass?"
"Just exactly seven"
you are wrong"
''I'll bet my life on it,"
:.sThen you are dead man."
by thunder, woman, but do you ex
pect me to stand this?" he shouted as
he sprang to his feet Il say there are
seven and no more nor less. I'll go out
and count them this minute and when
l come back We'll have talk You are
getting altogether too fresh"
In minute more he was into his
overc0at and under his hat and out of
the house. The seven trees turned out
to be nine, and after he had counted
them over ten times he leaned against
the fence and talked to himself. He
was using words with exclamation
points before and after them when a
policeman came along and halted and
demanded
See here, you old boozer, you can't
sleep off no drunk against that fencel"
'Who's drunk?"
You are"
you're liar!"
Mrs. Bowser and the cat had gone to
the front window to look for Mr.. Bow
ser, and they hadn't been looking OVER
minute when he hove into view. He
was galloping for his life. and the po-
liceman was close at his heels. He
didn't turn In, but threw one despair
ing glance at the window and put on
more steam and was out Of sight like
cannon ball. NJ. QUAD.