davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Caucasian. (Clinton, N.C.) 188?-1913, 1905-10-05

/. Ii oaiy . few years since Wooa-
socket missed for good tho familiar
face o. Air Church. for . loag tine
deputy sheriff and chief cf police. =
mar who vas Straightforward and
blunt n ali bis tealings-
One day G grocer ~er. 10 Ar for
information about certain "joo
White. who tad applied %. credit and
= book nj his store. and the following
dialogue eEsuet
Good mornia'. Mr.. Church.
"Nornln'"
DO you know Joe wh.ie7"
Yes
What kind OF q Teller Is he!
Putty fair
Is he honest"
Honest | should say 80. Been
arrested twice for stealing and acoui.-
ted both tim boston Hesal6.
The Caucasian. (Clinton, N.C.) 188?-1913, 1905-10-05
DON'T MISS THIS,

A Cure For Stomach Trouble-A New
Method, by Absorption-No Drugs.
Do You Belch?
It means diseased Stomach. Are you
afflicted with Short Breath. Gas. Sour
Eructations, Heart Pains, Indigestion, Dys.
pepsia, Burning Pains and Lead Weight
in Pit of Stomach. Acid Stomach, Dis.
tended Abdomen. Dizziness. Collie?
Bad Breath or Any Other Stomach Tor.
ture?
Let us send you a box of MulPs Anti
Belch Waters free to convince you that it
cures
Nothing else like it known. It's sure
and very pleasant. Cures by absorption.
Harmless. No drugs. Stomach Trouble
can't be cured otherwise-so says Medical
Science. Drugs won't do-they eat up the
Stomach and make you worse.
We know Mull's Anti-BeIch Waters cure
and we want you TO know it, hence this
offer
SPECIAL OFFER.-The regular price OF
Mulps Anti-Belch Waters Is Soc. box,
but to introduce it to thousands of suffer.
ers we will send two (2) boxes upon re-
ceipt of 75c. and this advertisement, or we
viii send you a sample free for this coupon.
The Caucasian. (Clinton, N.C.) 188?-1913, 1905-10-05

Nearly every woman would rather
be married unhappily than not at all
A girl hardly ever thinks low shoes
are becoming to her when the stock
ings aren't. -
A man has a good business head
when he knows you can't run your
house on business principles.
The same woman who objects in
early life to marrying a man old
enough to be her father later could
find it reasonable to marry one young
enough to be her son.
The Caucasian. (Clinton, N.C.) 188?-1913, 1905-10-05
Sure to Break Down.

Hello, where are you walking in
such hurry?"
Fellow just stole my auto and went
down this road
But surely you don't expect to over.
take him on foot?"
Sure. He forgot to take the repair
kit with him."-Philadelp Ledger.
The Caucasian. (Clinton, N.C.) 188?-1913, 1905-10-05
Real Tronble,

She-"You are very depressed. I
didn't know you cared so much for
your uncle''
He-'I didn't, but I was the means
Of keeping him in an insane asylum
the last year of his life, and now that
he has left me all his money I've got
to prove that he was of sound mind
Chicago Journal.
The Caucasian. (Clinton, N.C.) 188?-1913, 1905-10-05
LOGICAL DEDUCTION

$50 you think play the fool more
than 1 did six months ago, eh?" said
the husband How do you figure
It out?"
Il think 1t must be due to the fact
that the days are longer now" an
swered the better half Of the combine
Columbus Dispatch.
The Caucasian. (Clinton, N.C.) 188?-1913, 1905-10-05

For the purpose Of scientifically ex
p1oring the atmosphere, Comte de Cas-
tillon de Saint-Victor made an ascent
On June in his balloon Centaure
taking with him NJ. Joseph Jaubert
director of the municipal observato.
ries OF Paris, and DR.. Jolly. Other
aerostatfc ascents were made on the
same day from Berlin, Strasburg, Bar
man.. Munich, Vienna, Zurich, Rome
and Trappes.
The Caucasian. (Clinton, N.C.) 188?-1913, 1905-10-05
Automatic.

ain what way could you be Of any
use to an employment bureau" said
the proprietor.
Simplest thing in the worldv' re-
piled the shiftless looking applicant.
You are always in need Of men to
fill positions and I'm always out of
jobv'-Detroit Free Press.
The Caucasian. (Clinton, N.C.) 188?-1913, 1905-10-05
As PhiIadelphia viewed 1t.

New York Editor to Philadelphia
Correspondent - PLEASE rush report
leading politicians caught in anti-vice
crusade and regulations blasted"
Philadelphia Correspondent to New
York Editor-"Politicians caught, but
no reputat tons among them to blast
New York Times.
The Caucasian. (Clinton, N.C.) 188?-1913, 1905-10-05
Something Lacking.

ais it true that Miss Tallman is going
on the stage?" asked the young man.
"Yes," answered Miss Plumpun,
"but I'm afraid she'll not make hit"
why not" he queried.
Because" explained the other. "she
looks like a fright in a bathing suit
Chicago Daily News.
The Caucasian. (Clinton, N.C.) 188?-1913, 1905-10-05
LONDON HOUSES COME HIGH.
Large Sums Asked for Residences ir
the MetropoIis

the Metropolis.
In Park lane. the home Of dukes and
South African millionaires, 1t is i'm
possible to buy residence under Gee
600: whilst for house in Park street.
which is not so select" 100000 is
the minimum that is required. Berke-
ley square is another costly spot. and
there is a house now for sale for
which 10000 guineas is being asked
In Mayfair and Belgravia there Is
scarcely a house tina. has not cost at
least 10000. Perhaps the district
that combines both fashion and COM
parative cheapness in the matter of
house value Is Chelsea. where good
house can be bought for $4,000. But
anywhere in Piccadilly or near Hyde
Park the would-be house purchaser
must be prepared to pay anything
from G25,0O0 to 91O0.00O.-London
Tit-Bits.
The Caucasian. (Clinton, N.C.) 188?-1913, 1905-10-05
His Experience Against II.

His Experience Against It.
DR.. Washem-"I think a daily bath
would be beneficial in your case. Mr..
Plodgers."
Plodgers-"Well, don't know. doc
tor. took bath once-a year OF two
ago. felt better for q little while,
but 1t wasn't long before was as bad
as ever. and I've been growing worse
ever since."-Boston Transcript
The Caucasian. (Clinton, N.C.) 188?-1913, 1905-10-05

Strange, Indeed.
Belle-"Do you believe in second
sight. my DEAR"
Eva-"Sometimes."
Belle-"Speaking from experlence:'
Eva-"Yes, l have often told Jack
that he needed a shave when it was
too dark to see his face" - Chicago
News.
The Caucasian. (Clinton, N.C.) 188?-1913, 1905-10-05
It Ought to Work.

"A gentleman writes to inquire"
said the lady who conducts the "An-
gwers to Correspondence column, "how
he may keep the flies from bothering
his bald head. Can you suggest any
thing?"
"Oh, yes" promptly responded the
Boil Weevil editor. advise him to
hire q spider to live in one Of BIS ears"
The Caucasian. (Clinton, N.C.) 188?-1913, 1905-10-05
Tickle Woman.

Museum Lecturer-"The Bearded
Lady's husband has been dead only
two months, yet she's sprucing up
again."
Manager-"What are the symptoms?'
Museum Lecturer-"Why, this after.
noon she appears on the platform with
her whiskerS trimmed Vandyke STYLE"
Puck.
The Caucasian. (Clinton, N.C.) 188?-1913, 1905-10-05
RESTORED HIS HAIR
Sc. Humor Cured bv Caticura Soap and
Ointment After All Else Failed.

Il was troubled with severe scalp hui
NOR and loss of hair that gave me a great
deal of annoyance. After unsuccessful ef-
forts with many remedies and so-called
hal; tonlcs, a friend induced me to try
Cuticura Soap and Ointment. The humor
was cured in a short time, my hair was re-
stored as healthy as ever, and l can gladly
say l have since been entirely free from
any further annoyance. l shall always use
Cutcura Soap, and l keep the Ointment
on hand to use as dressing for the hair
and scalp. (Sgned) Fred'k .Busche, 2l3
East 57th ST., n. Y. City"
The Caucasian. (Clinton, N.C.) 188?-1913, 1905-10-05

Mrs. Winslow's Soothing Syrup for Children
teething ,softens theSums reduces inhamma-
ton allays pain cures wind c y ic CSC. a bottle
The Caucasian. (Clinton, N.C.) 188?-1913, 1905-10-05

The millennium will be due when
women are paid wages that will enable
them to support husbands as they
should. So. 40.
The Caucasian. (Clinton, N.C.) 188?-1913, 1905-10-05

A pessimist is a man who knows
a lot about himself and but little
about his neighbors.
The Caucasian. (Clinton, N.C.) 188?-1913, 1905-10-05

A man tips the scales when he drops
a penny in the slot.
The Caucasian. (Clinton, N.C.) 188?-1913, 1905-10-05

Sir Isaac Holden used to get recreation
out of compulsory walking.
The Caucasian. (Clinton, N.C.) 188?-1913, 1905-10-05

Kid-"Wot you tink. fellers, Of folks
wot'l1 put up baseball fence wild only
er single knot-hole in itr'-New York
Evening Journal.
The Caucasian. (Clinton, N.C.) 188?-1913, 1905-10-05

More than 1000 people earn a Hving In
Paris by fortune telling.
The Caucasian. (Clinton, N.C.) 188?-1913, 1905-10-05

FITSper nanently cured No fits or nervous
ness after first day & use OF DR. HI Ines G reat
NerveRestc-er. s2t ia bottleand treatise free
DIR II kIrNE l. j ?31 Arc y ST Pbila. Pa.
The Caucasian. (Clinton, N.C.) 188?-1913, 1905-10-05

A woman runs almost as fast when
she sees a mouse as man does when
he hears a baby crying.
The Caucasian. (Clinton, N.C.) 188?-1913, 1905-10-05

lam sure Piso's Cure for Consumption saved
my life three years ago.-Mrs. THOMAS ROB-
ERTs, Maple St., Norwich MY. Feb. IL 1890
The Caucasian. (Clinton, N.C.) 188?-1913, 1905-10-05

ia A FREE BOX. ia
Send this coupon with your name
and address and druggists name who
does not sell it for free box of Null's
Anti-Beich Waters to
MULL's GRAPE Tonic Co., 328 Third
] Ave, Rock Island, Ill.
Giue Full address and Write Plninly.
The Caucasian. (Clinton, N.C.) 188?-1913, 1905-10-05

The native of India has an average ift
of twenty-four years.
The Caucasian. (Clinton, N.C.) 188?-1913, 1905-10-05
The Safest Rating.

Before having any financial deal.
ings with a new acquaintance" re-
marked the crusty citizen, first find
out"
How he is rated among his friends,
I suppose|' broke in the confiding citi-
zen.
Not on your life. Find out how he
is rated in BradsHeet''
The Caucasian. (Clinton, N.C.) 188?-1913, 1905-10-05
SUFFERINCS UNTOLD.

4 Kansas City Woman's Terrible Exper-
fence With Kidney Sickness.
Mrs. Mary Cogin. Goth ST. and Cleve-
land Ave, Kansas City, Mo-, says:
The Caucasian. (Clinton, N.C.) 188?-1913, 1905-10-05

The public domain" is still nearly
one-third of the whole country.
The Caucasian. (Clinton, N.C.) 188?-1913, 1905-10-05

"For years /
was run down.
weak. lameand
sore. The kid
ney secretions
were too fire.
Quent. Then
dropsy pulled
up my ankles
until they were
q sight to be-
hold. Doctors
gave me up.
but / began
using Doan's
The Caucasian. (Clinton, N.C.) 188?-1913, 1905-10-05
49,. -
VIII tie Funny
FeIfoh,S'
Our sorro VS..

To many OF Us life Is rude
And JOY fleeting bubble;
The only time our credits good
Is when We borrow trouble.
!. Catholic Standard and Times.
The Caucasian. (Clinton, N.C.) 188?-1913, 1905-10-05

Yellow Fever aud Malaria Germs
Are instantly killed by the use OF six drops
of Sloan's Lnimeut on a teaspoonful OF
sugar. 1t is also an excellent an.iseptic.
The Caucasian. (Clinton, N.C.) 188?-1913, 1905-10-05

A penny is estimated to change hands
about l25 900 times in its life.
The Caucasian. (Clinton, N.C.) 188?-1913, 1905-10-05

There Arc MaAy.
The hustler addressed one Of those
youths who sit on a bench in the Park
and watch the grass grow.
Suppose" said the hustler, "that you
stood at the foot Of the ladder Of sue
cess"
The youth yawned lazily.
I'm that case" he said, II guess I'd
wait till they took the ladder away and
started an elevator. Detroit Tribune.
The Caucasian. (Clinton, N.C.) 188?-1913, 1905-10-05

How tb0 1x0ubI0 be8ans
Mrs. Observation-Disclosures the cause
OF the estrangement between Mrs.
Porkpack and Mrs. Beeftrust?"
Mrs. Southsyde-"Mrs. Beeftrust said
her husband gave away a great deal Of
money anonymously, and Mrs. Pork
pack suggested that might account for
the present prosperous condition of the
treasury's conscience fund."-Philadel-
Rhta Bulletin. --
The Caucasian. (Clinton, N.C.) 188?-1913, 1905-10-05
Exploring the Atmosphere.

Sold at all druggists, Soc. per box.
The Caucasian. (Clinton, N.C.) 188?-1913, 1905-10-05

Kidney Pills. and the remedy cured
me SO that have been well ever since,
and have had a fine baby, the FIRST in
five that was not premature.y born"
Sold by all dealers. so cents a box
Foster Milburn Co., Buffalo, n. 7.
The Caucasian. (Clinton, N.C.) 188?-1913, 1905-10-05

IT'S MEANING.
Papa, what is the meaning OF the
oppression, animated bustle?"
Where did you see II used"
This story says: AT the picnic
there was all at once an animated
bustle.'"
"Oh. some one undoubtedly sat Oh
An ant hill."-Houston Post.
The Caucasian. (Clinton, N.C.) 188?-1913, 1905-10-05

A Cure For Stomach Trouble-A Now
Method, by Absorption-No Drugs.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1905-12-10

Two or Three years ago. Tile Press
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1905-12-10
ST. PAUL'S BAZAAR.

Ladies Literary club, Saturday, Dec.
IS, day and evening. Fancy work, dolls,
aprons, etc. candies and homemade
cakes. Tea win be served from the
japanese booth by pretty japanese
girls. Fortune telling by Madame Ia
fell of London and dancing win be the
features of the evening. Admission
evenings, 25c. Refreshments.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1905-12-10
Saw Himself As Others See Him.
BY FRANKLIN FYLEs.

Agent" as rewritten and QUILTED with
new songs might have started blithely
TO run with lis show girls feet. Now
only one of its displays of those girls
gets attention row of pink hearts
appears suddenly in the blackness and
into each comes a smiling, rosuish
face That is an oddly Throughout
the show we see the owners of those
pretty heads in full length activities,
but we don't care, except when thS
new trick Of surprise is sprung on US.
They march behind the brave baritone
While he sings of martial glory and we
are bored. They sauuter after the
tenor while he and the soprano voice
the ecstasies Of love and we yaWn.
They toss their skirts. even throw
them off, and we remain listless. They
wrench their spines and sprain their
joints ia antics with the cloNming
comedian in his ditties and We don't
lift an eyelid What can they do that
win make Broadway dote again on
show girisP If you can answer that
question, go to any of the affiuent pro-
ducers of extravaganza and fix your
own salary.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1905-12-10

There IS excuse for depression as 10
Mr.. Gouraud's contribution. He was
born TO aftluence, but lost Il. and was
thWacking piano for a living when a
Young Croker widow. with Crocker
millions. came across him. They mar
rled and are living happily ever after
thus lar. anyWay-as indicated bv
their respondent occupancy of front
seats on opening nights. Jack Com
raud.s ballad in The Press Agent is
entitled The Hammock" it employed
the principal soprano with a langour-
Gus chorus and the performance was
halted by calls for the author But he
slid down modestly i'm his seat aim he
sat on the middle OF his back and
stayed so until the danger had passed
over. But the rOOterS for Gom,aud ala
not have things all their own way \
party OF lambs didn't bIeat-tbev
hoWled Ike wOives-f0r Gustaya Ter-
ker's compositions. q band of vaude-
Vile friends Of Ben Jerome made q
noise for his songs and the cohorts of
half dozen music publishers took care
OF the ado for other entries i'm The com
petition.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1905-12-10

But Mr. Daley, the Teuderloiu's own
net Pete was getting neither HELM on
the stage nor encouragement I'm the au-
ditOrium. Daley used to mend and
patch his roles AT Weber q Fields. and
he-may do ii with this fakir OF q show
man who, IN "The Press Agent" goes
10 South America with a company Of
girls and there turns war correspond
ent: but on the first night the respon-
sibility Of q star actor seemed to crush
his courage and leave him merely an
eighth of a ton of pulp. The rath-
ekeller contingent gave up hope for
their faVoTitC Jester early I'm the even
ing. sitting thereafter ia solemn SIC
'ence, as though they were at his funer-
Al and only once in a while were they
stirred to jovialitY by signs that the
Corpse wasn't really dead. Of course.
the next days newspapers bounced on
hiEa, rended him aud left him IN uleces.
.dttsnn himself toeeliler if he could
~
Two or three years ago. The Press
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1905-12-10

However. Fl wasn't the sad ending of
young FitZgerald's sportive career that
stopped the fad of amateur-nightiug
The real reason, as I found bv going
10 one Of those affairs last week, Wae
That the nOVices are too piIiable 10 be
funny. \ shabby little chap scared
white, sang sentimental ballad in ?
Wabbly, mmusical voice: two street
urchins gave a crude dance which. no
doubt, had been applauded by their
sidewalk companions; frightened girl
IN "a cheap imitation Of Spanish cos
tune. made sorry attempt at Carmen
I'M song and dance: and the first as
pirant who deserved the ridicuie that
he got was repellant hulk who Of
tered a female impersOnation which.
manifestiy was his own effeminate
self The uproar of derision drowned
his high treble voice and drove him
from the stage.
Most pitiful Of the hopelesSly untal-
ented amateurs We're two cripples. a
singing ViOlinist who swung i'm on
clutches. and a 0ne-legged dancer. I
think thar all of us were sorry that
they failed 20 evince any ability. and
glad to let them off without abuse. II
IS no wonder that the fad of going TO
these tests for amurement didn't last
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1905-12-10

Wen, there was a surprise. This am
ateur gave song and dance in the
manner of "a professional The general
audience laughed only when he wanted
II 10, and appiauded for encores. The
house manager offered him an engage
ment at $50 a week the burles0uers'
manager proposed $40 if he would 90
with. the Misty Maids. and then they
bid against each other up to $50. which
Is the top limit with them; but the fell
low said he would think il over.
Neither Of US viii get him." said one
Snowman 10 the other; some Broad
way manager viii snap him up. Did
you notice how the swells in the boxes
went wild over him?"
Ihat was because those swells. after
the nrst verse or two, recognized him
through his Disguise He was Louis
Fitzgerald, who belonged to their own
social set. And he never made a sec
ond appearance on the professional
stage, TO- he was hurt two DAYS later
IN a steepleChase with his chums Reg
lnald Vanderbilt and HARRY Paine
whitney and then, on his way home.
was killed by a railway train.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1905-12-10
RUMMAeE SALE.

BY Ladies Auxiliary society OF TempIe
Bnai Israel, Thursday. Dec Il, at Loi-
selle Dancing Academy. On rear)
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1905-12-10

The fact that Richard Garlic made a
tour of half the country before coming
here with THE Mayor of Toxic makes
the difference between a probable fail
ure and a sure success. The play Was
his own to start with and hardly could
he have made a worse beginning with
some one elscs writing Why, why,
why, after all these years of weak,
weaker and weakest dillu1iOnS of The
Mikado, should an actor of Carries eX-
perience and originality put forth still
another Japanese governor terrOriZed
by mandates from his emperor. beset
by court conspiratOrs and accompanied
by tOddling kimOna maidens? And /
have had 10 see, or L wouldn't believe.
that earle assigned himself 20 the role
of that worn old Wayfaper of farce, the
Snowman stranded with his company in
a strange land and there mistaken for
prince and his royal party.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1905-12-10

FOR SALE-BroWn bread dough
nuts, cookies ana mincenest. Tuesday.
Dee T. 1905. al Walkers stere. by Tiff
Ladies' Aid.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1905-12-10
! GO ANYWHERE

20 Photography ANYTHING. Harry Shin
Ter Commercial Phat0sFanher 81 S0
Main. Phones: Bell 2S25-K: Ind, 1l74
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1905-12-10

Peter +. Daley and Richard earle
have come 10 town with THE Press
Agent ana The Mayor of Toxic" TO
light for laughter and dollars under the
new conditions described. Each brings
Il play that has been made over and
over since tirst it was performed else
Where last season. The Press Agent
bore the name of "The FHfbuster'' at
ats beginning with amateurs i'm Boston
ana during its continuance i'm Chicago
Like some Of Richard Harding Davis
eXhtlaraLng tales Of reasonable adVen-
lure, lis theme was an ephemeral revo-
luton i'm South American republic
and after awhile. Mr.. Davis was asked
10 reNrlte it, but of course he wouldn't.
In the new version that New York GETS
now. the prose is by Mark swan ana
the verses and their tunes are bv eIev-
en- pcrsons-Including Jackson Gou-
Caud
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1905-12-10

The death knell of extravaganza has
been ruus, says a prolific producer of
that kind of entertainment. and his
dlctum is reiterated throughout theat-
rlcal New York. What he means. I
suppose is that show girls in show cos
Tunes and show scenery won't make a
show go as they used to- The utmost
IN sensuOus shOWiness has been done
again and again, so many times that
the public, SO il seems to the man
quoted, can't be delightfully."- amazed
any more with feminine beauty i'm au-
daeious exhibition. And / think so
100. These antic girls i'm lime-lit sights
of sayety have become why-of-cOurse
and to-be-sure. All that is left for
musical farce, comic opera and ballot
spectacle. as ] see the outlook. depends
ON such fellows as Bernard. Conan and
The Rogerses. That is to say. there
must be funny men 10 make the audi
euces laugh, else the righteousness of
The girls and their enclosures wont
realize a uroht on their cost.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1905-12-10

Under such self-chosen disadvan-
taSes, Carrie makes a WhOOp and hurrah
break into Broadway. How is il? One
reason is that he comes to the only one
dollar dramatic theatre in the midst of
the tWenty-fOur tWO-dOllar houses.
That counts for much i'm these declining
days Of extravaganza, Carries big gain
over Daley at the start, however, is in
his having had a plenty of time to prac-
tlce addition and subtraction. multiple
cation and division. on the problem and
now places the ciphered-Out sum to-
tai before US. No comedian would dare
do IN a first performance all the foolish
things that Carrie does in this piece:
they are the laughable residue from
only the jester himself knows how
much stun he tried cautiously; so
earle IS as amusing now as DALEY may
be by and by.
1t is too late for a description of
THE Mayor of Toxic" to be newsy, but
/ may tell you that its outfit of women.
being strangers every one to Broad
way joys us with the fact by no means
all the feminine humanity fit for show
use isn't produced in New York. The
chorus exhibits IN Skin-tight costumes
caused something like interest on Mon
DAY night not by their pTettiness or
their dainty indecorum, but because
there wasn't familiar creature among
them. It isn't possible to outstrip for
mer achievements in disclosure, but one
array of geishas with their kimonas
or. and another of girl-sailors with
nothing on that would flap in the stiff
est gale except hats and hair. would
cause a riot in the days when our
grapdtathers We're grandsOns.