Evening star., 1905-11-04
THE MEMBER" IS"|T"
Life in a Boarding House That
Harbors a Legislator.
OTHERS DON'T COUNT
THE GOOD THINGS GO TO THE
CONGRESSMAN.
Has Eggs for Breakfast, AL the Towels
in the Place and All the Heat
From the Furnace.
OTHERS DON'T COUNT

The man with the liver spots and that
| fried-steak look exuded a despondent
sigh.
Directly said he. drearily, 'the men,
berll be along, and then the rest of us'll
| be NUTS.
The hanky pank member Of Congress
| 1 mean. who winters at our boarding
house. He's due in a week or So When
! he shows up at the boarding house the
boarders that are stars during his abb
| sence stop twinkling with their own
| beams and shine only in his reflected
| light-that is. II he approves of 'em. I'm
| kind Of a star around that boarding
| house myself the rest Of the year. when
| the member Isn't around; but when he
nudges along I'm lightning bug at the
| bottom OF well. Landlady just sort o.
| tolerates me when the members around.
She Kind o loosens UP and warns to me
| when he moseys at the end of the session,
| for I'm slayer and stick, like some OF
| the others, through all the long spring and
| summer and fall months, when Washington
boarding house landladies need the rent
rocks and the market mazoom. We get
| towels. and the upstairs girl sweeps under
the bed. occasionally, when the member
| isn't around; but when he looms up the
rest OF us find that we're just camping out,
| and that's all there is to 1t.
'Landlady dances around him like a red
ant on a hot rock. and what he doesn' I
| snag out in the way Of comforts and privi-
| leges around that boarding house-well,
they amt no core when he gets through,
and you can take 1t from me.
"'Nough to make man lumpy around the
neck-band to hear the way she plugs for
that alfalfa legislator and brags about him.
Everybody that comes to the front door,
| even If it's some duck trying to sell a
patent lamp-chimney cleaner, has got to
hear efhfn1 about nor har bor
First thing folks applying for rooms at the
front door hear about is the member.
:" oh, yes. purls the iandlady. I have
a room on the second floor, right back OF
Representative Greaseweed's apahtment-
you know of Representative Greaseweed.
Of rse?-membah from and then she
| uncoils the rest of it-abOut what brainy,
blubberiferous mug the member is and
how he's going to have % 900 word speech
| about the habits and vices OF the tomato
bug printed in the Record-'n' so on n so
on.
Scares Other Boarders Away.
Yep, she scatters that load of verbal
junk about the member for the benefit. as
she supposes. of everybody that sinks
along hunting for rooms. Thinks she's
giving the house a tone by unreeling that
line o. superheated steam.
But she amt. She's just soaring away
slews and slathers Of applicants for rooms
by her illusions to that member Pretty
foxy lot o. boarding house unfortunates in
little old Washington, and most OF 'em are
dead wise to what it means to live In a
Washington boarding house during sessions
with member: and when they learn from
the all-Swefled-up landlady that she's got
one OF 'em tucked away in the house at
which they apply for accommodations they
generally just back themselves toward the
front door to execute q getaway and tell
the landady that they'll be ack tomorrow
morning at ten to let her know, and when
they make the front gate they skiddoo like
folks that want to beat 1t quick and they
forget all about that coming-bac ck toilet
her-know thing.
Cant get folks that have lived one win
ter in the same house with member to
fall for that gag again. If they're the NOV
ing-around kind. 1 stick, like some of the
others. because that boarding house has
become a sort of habit to u.s. But the
peripatetic boarders that want what's COM
ing to 'em and that 'twenty-three' good and
quick if they don't get it, can't see that
living ng-alongside-of-am member thing for a
cent or any fraction of the same and it's
queer that landlades don't get next to this
and stop shooting the oil about the member
to everybody that rings the bell to ask
about the rooms. But they never do get
next to 1t, and If / was to I'D and tell our
landlady that she was making a mistake In
doing that she d have me seized during the
night and towed over to Lizzie s. House-on-
tne-Branch In her grocery mans wagon
rms member of ours Is hayer from a
mlodie western state. He's a widower-
put that isn't the answer so far as our
landlady is concerned. She's got husband
her fourth one, and she keeps him out of
sight, down in the basement. or I'D in the
attic, most of the time. He smokes a cob
pipe constantly. and is willing to be sub
merged. Nope, it's not because our mem
ber is widower that he gets 1t all at our
boarding house. It's just because he's a
member.
Hes one o. those lean, lanky, double
jointed kind, and any kind of clothes he
puts on look like bulgy hand-me-downs on
him. Wears a shiny black string necktie
and his shoes are never polished Hair
sticks up in cowlicky way. and his nails
look as If he's generally engaged In test
ing new kinds of fertilizers by feeling of
EN-.
The Member at the Table.
He sits at the head of the long dining
room table. of course. and to those of US
at the table of whom he approves he oc-
casionally addresses word or two. gener-
ally of correction or admoniton during the
progress of the meals. If, for example.
somebody at the table ventures the timld
opinion that maybe there's going to be some
railroad rate legislation. the member
glances up in a reproving sort of way
clearly meant to denote his disapproval of
the hoi polloi discussing such sacred mat
tiers as congressional legislation in his pres
ence, and then he says, Sir, you air not in
formed in this matter, or Air you sure you
source, sir?' or something like that and
then the crushed coughs behind his
hand and looks foolish and toys with his
knife and crawls into his hole generally
''The member has the second story front
room, but he'd be the main squeeze any
way, no matter If he occupied the fourth
story back He'd get all of the 'extries'
as the landlady calls them, no matter what
part of the plant he inhabited. | occupy
the second-story front myself sometimes
during the summer months, but that fact
doesn't get me anything in the way of 'ex-
tries because I'm just an ordinary old
common-run boarder. y'see, compared to
the member. The member doesn't have to
settle for these .extries. either. They're
his without extra charges, just by right
of his title and exalted station. and If the
rest of us don't like it we can go hang.
Now. take eggs for breakfast for IN
stance When that member isn't In the
house, boiled egg for breakfast Is
big event for US. We get boiled egg Tor
breakfast perhaps once in every two weeks.
and then the landlady finds some preteN
to fetch the table subject around to the
price of eggs, while were eating EN-, ano
tells us that the price of EN- is perfectly
scan'lous. and we're sort o made to feel
that she's showing tremendous Indulgence
and liberality toward US. and that we're
lust about the only folks in Washington,
that morning. enjoying really and truly
eggs for breakfast.