The semi-weekly messenger. [volume] (Wilmington, N.C.) 1897-1908, 1905-01-13
BY F. P. Dunno.
Copyright, 1905, by Mcclure, Phil
lips & Coz

prisidint is plannin' an attack. on tn
good old English custom iy wife beat
ing. He wants to inthraijooce tn other
good old English ~instichoochion iv a
whipping post"
He's all right" said Mr.. Hennessy.
I'D like to have tn job"
$50 wud l." said Mr.. Dooley. IF tn
la liver goes through, I'll run FIR sher-
if an promise to give back all me SAL
airy an half what get firm tn race
thracks. Not, mind ye' that wife beat
ing is much practised in this country.
Slug-ye'er-spouse is an International
sport that has niver become poplar
on our side iv tn wather. An American
lady is not tn person that amy man
but a thrained athlete wud care TO raise
his hand against save be way iv
smoothin' her hair. Afther goin' to a
school an larnin' to box, throw tn
shot an play right guard on tn foot
ball team, tn gentle crather has what
Hogan calls an abundant stock iv rep-
artee. In me life I've known On'y six
habitchool wife heaters. Two iv thin
were lucky to beat their wives to tn
sidewalk an I've rescued tn other four
firm tn roof iv the house with a lad
der. But now an thin I suppose an
American gintleman afther lOsin' three
or four fights on his way home, does
thry to make a reputation be sWlngIn'
on tn ex-heavy weight champeen iv
tn Seminary FIR Rayfined Females an
if she can't put tn baby OIL tn fure in
time to get to wurruk with tn loose
parts iv tn stove, it's Thaydore's idee
that she shud call a polisman an have
father taken down to tn Jail IN hear
tily slapped.
An he's right. No gintleman shud
wallop his wife an no gintleman wud.
I'm in favor iv havin' wife beaters
whipped an I'll go further an say that
'twud be a good thing to have ivry
marrid man scoorged o wanst a
month. AS a bachelor man who rules
entirely be love, I've spint fifty years
invistigatin' what Hogan calls tn mar
tial state an I've come to tn con-clus-
ion that ivry man uses Whence to has
wife. He may not beat her with q
table leg but he cOerces- her with his
mind. He car put a savage remark to-
tn pint iv tn jaw with more last1n
effect thin a right look. He may not
dhrag her round be tn hair iV her
head but he dhrags her be her sympa-
thies, her fears an her anXieties. AS
a last r]aycoorse he beats her be dom
things that make her pity him. An
tn ladies, GaWd bless thin, like it. Tn
whippin' post FIR wife beaters won't be
popular with tn wife beatees. In her
heart ivry woman likes tn sthrong
arm. Ye very sildom see tn wife Nv an
habitchool wife beater lawn him. IN
husband that gives his wife a Wet
bokay is as apt to lose her as tn hus-
band that gives her a vllet eye. IN
man that breaks tn furniture, tips over
TIL table, kicks tn dog an pegs tn
damp at tn lady iV his choice, Is seen
no more often in our justly popular di-
vorce coorts thin tn nan who comes
home arly to feed tn canary. Nanny
a skillful mandolin player has been
enable to prevint his wife firm elopin'
with a prize fighter.
mo, you won't find amy malthreated
ladies' names on tn petition fr tn
new g~overnmint department. IN
Whipping Postmasther Gin'ral will
have to look elsewhere FIR applause thin
to tn doWnthrodden wives iV tn u
thry. But tn departmint has come TO
stay; I hope, Hinnissy, TO see its mis-
sion enlarged. 7 look forward to tn
day whin there will be a governmlnt
whipping post with a large American
t:,c a. n top iv it, in ivry American
CO. AftEer awhile we can attind to
+ wants iv tn rural communities. A
t,urth assistant Whipping Postmaster
C:n'ral will be sint to tn farmin' coun-
thrv so that Cy an Alick will get just
as good a lamming as Alphonso an Au-
e.:1stus. He will carry a red, white an
ne post on his travels an a special
ct O. nine tails with tn arms iv tn
lated States an tn motto Love a
another a1graved on tn handle. Tn
Whipping Post will grow up to be a
iv TIL foundations iv u governmlnt
like tn tariff. Whin anybody proposes
to abolish it, they will be met with tn
cry: Let tn Whipping Post be ray
formed be it's friends TIL friends will
build a bigger post an put a few nails
on tn lash. I~vinchooly people will quit
goin' to Mt. Vernon an make pilgrim
ages to Delaware where tn whipping
DOSI mas 1ldu SuCil Il NIX IIcA|l ~+N~SN
An thin Addicks will be ilictcd prisl-
dint.
wont it be fine? TIL governmint
gives us too little amusement nova
days. TIL fav'rite pastime iv civilized
man is croolty to other civilized man
Yc take a southern gi1tieman who has
ben accustomed to pathroniZe tn lynch
in iv naygurs. All other sports sem
tame to him aftherward. He won't go
to tn theaytre or tn circus bot pines
at home till there's another black man
to be burned. A warden IL a Hinitin-
chry niver has amy fun out = life at
Their he loses his job Judges III i
coorts sometimes raysigns but niver a
hangin' judge in a criminal coort.
Yes, Sir, twill be a good hin fr
tn criminal an a good thing fr spoort
Iovin' public, but tn question tnat
comes up in me mind is Will it be a