The news & observer. [volume] (Raleigh, N.C.) 1894-current, 1905-09-03
A LETTER FROM INGERsoLL.
a Pen Picture of the Seamy Side of
Life i'm the Great Beyond.
COPIED by request from a Mary
land paper.)

land paper)
Banks, of the Styx, Sheol, Aug. g.
/ will endeavor to write you the letter
[ promised before leaving New York.
sam Jones evidently told the truth,
for, Just as he predicted, and as | my
self secretly expected, | am in Hades.
zane straight through without stop.
I am sitting on hot cinder writing
this letter on a piece of slate gouged
from the ceiling with my trident y
trident you know, is one of those
funny looking little pitch-forks, like
Neptune used to carry about with him
at the Seaside. Everybody has to
have one, and it makes a fellow think
he's at a Populist convention.
When | was on earth l didn't be-
lieve in hell, for l travelled in Kansas
and didn't think there could be two
places so much alike. But | hadn't
been here half a day until [ believed
in a whole lot. 1t is much more gen
uine and realistic than / anticipated,
but l think I'll like it when | get ac-
cIimated. Just now my feet are blistered
tered from walking on hot pavements,
and | am dabbling them in the Styx
to cool them off. l was talking to
Moses a while ago, and he said that
they will soon get calloused, and then
I'll be all hunkydory. He has read my
mistakes of Noses and lauShingly
admitted that he had made a good
many when he was new to the bust
ness. He is a jovial old cuss, and
rather like him. Told me on the dead
everything is "on the dead here
that he didn't write the Pentateuch,
but knows who did
There are lots of, people here, and
strangers arrive daily. But | would
not advise you to come down until
fall or winter-and even then you
needn't bring anything but light
summer suit. You won't need any oV-
ercoat or umbrella or skates, but you
might bring along a palm-leaf fan or
two. For an "imaginary," "mytholo
gical." ''fgurative," categorical, "un-
orthodox" hell this is about the hot
test one l ever got into.
But say. | got here just i'll time to
strike a snap. Henry Ward Beecher
had Just been retired on account of
! age. and Mephistophiles appointed me
to succeed him as boss of the New
| York colony--the largest one here.
have a lovely new trident with cute
little spear point business on the times.
and the devil has promised to get me
a long red tail and a pair of horns
like his when he goes to the city
next week. He seems to have taken d
fancy to me.
There are ministers here of every
| denomination and several camp meet
ings are in progress down the river.
Horace Greedy introduced me to spur
geon and old Peter Cartwright last
4 night. and we had a very pleasant lit
/ tie lark together. They expect TAI
mage to join them before long. |
have also shaken hands with rom
Paine and Voltaire and find them very
! pleasant gentlemen. said they had
/ watched my career for some time ana
I ,l,;I pntA E'T.QT N
! lin called on me this morning. lie Is
wearing his hair short now, and
doesn't look so much like Queen LII
iuokaiani as he used to. l never could
! tell their pictures apart.
OF coure, the trust is here bigger n
a chipmunk" Solomon and Bingham
Young have all the women cornered'
and the politicians are organizing TO
defeat the present administration ana
elect new devil They want me to
make the nominating speech. gu
know nominated Blaine for President
once. and did it up in shape. Don
know who will be the nominee. Jay
! Could is running, we'll on account Gf
! his money; and Judas Iscariot and An
anias are quite popular.
| I wish you could send me the pa
| pers: I would like to see what is BENG
said about me- / suppose they'll print
! a lot of my old letters, and publish
! enough pictures of me to start a
rogue's gallery, and every little two
bv-four preacher will tell "hoW 1t nap
| nened." and water-brain spirituallsts
will commune with my spirit. and al
that sort of thing. l wish the whole
dot-rotted pack were down here awhile
they wouldn't feel so ALFRED gay.
| Well 1 must close. We need ram
| the worst kind. Crops are Almost
! failure If YOU are ever down. this
way drop in.
Yours truly,
| more Anon.) BOB lNIE h0OLh'