The citizen. [volume] (Berea, Ky.) 1899-1958, 1905-10-12

On one occasion when he saw that the
princess was not hearing me distinctly
he said softly 10 me. "Mr. Wilder,
kindly turn your face toward the priD-
cess"
A Polite Princess.
And her royal highness Is as tactful
as he. The audience at a special en-
tertainment given the shah Of Persia
in London included tie most dlstin-
gulshed and wealthy people la the city.
was among those engaged 70 enter
tain the shah. beside whom sat the
princess now Queen Alexandria. As
his Persian majesty was Ignorant Of
the English language II was not
strange that lac held his programme
upside down. This might have occa-
stoned laugh and caused the shah
some modification had not the prin-
cess DEITY turned her own programme
upside down and kept It 50 during the
performance.
Croker and the Clock.
During one Of my visits to Richard
Croker az Vantage his son Bert was
fond Of getting up early In the morn
ing 20 hunt mushrooms, and IN order TO
be awakened he would set an alarm
clock. early morning" IN England
and at that season Of the year was
from 3 10 4 o'clock, for dawn comes
much earlier than with Us. His father
DID not wish him TO arise so early. so
he would go softly into Berts room
aud turn on the alarm. to assure full
nights sleep for the hoy. The fact
that he could not hear the alarm wor-
ried Bert 50 greatly that he placed the
clock directly over his head, hanging IL
TO string from the ceiling. But even
In this position Mr.. Croker succeeded
Ia manipulating II. and he gleefully
told me OF II at the time.
Before starting from London for
Vantage one dag Mr. Croker asked me
TO 20 to furniture dealer with him;
he had some purchases TO make As
we entered the place he said 20 me.
We've only half an hour IN which to
catch the train" But the way he
bought furniture did not make him
lose the train He would say, pointing
20 dresser:
How much Is thatr
"Slx gulneas, SIR"
"Glve me six Of them"
Pointing 10 another.
"IIOw much Is that onef'
"Five guineas sin"
"Well. seven of those. and 80 on.
with such rapid lire. even though he
expended more than thousand dol
lars. and moi AZ haphazard either. there
was ample time to catch the train.
The Incident. though slight Ia Itself. is
indicative Of his quickness Of decision.
but il so utterly upset the dealer ac-
customed 20 English deliheration, that
he begged permission 10 wait until
next day 10 prepare an itemized bill.
Past Masters Of Sarcasm.
I went one day into a London res.
taurant where great many people
were dining yet absolute silence pre-
vailed instead Of the buzz Of chatter
and laughter OF French or American
restaurant I asked waiter
Doesn't any one ever laugh hereT'
EYES. sir" he replied. Sometimes
we ave complaints. sir"
The first natives 20 accost an Amer
lean are the "cabhies." and they are a
never failing source OF amusement TO
me They abound In natural wit and
are past masters Of sarcasm. One Of
the sharpest bits I ever heard was told
about an old cahhy and one OF his
younger fellows. The former was a
master OF whip and rein. He boosted
that he knew every foot OF London and
declared that. although he had been In
many tight places. he had never failed
20 drive out smoothly. one day, how
ever. he lost control Of his horse and
ran into young cabby's outfit. The
younger man looked him over conde-
scendingly. contemptuously, and then
asked.
"wenG An 'ow do you Ike Lon
donY'
A friend OF mine once took a cab
drawn by an animal which was bony
In the extreme The driver has hailed
by the Jehu Of passing cab with:
"Ol saiy, Bin. see yer goln' TO ave
new 'orse."
100 told yer SOP
"W'y. see we got the framework
there"
The Mercifm Policeman.
Every summer when | revisit Eng
land some old acquaintance is sure 20
say, "Mr Wilder, those stories you
told last year are awfully funny" It
has really taken him about a year TO
get at the points OF the various tales.
lie doesn't lack appreciation Of hum0r.
but he Is 50 accustomed 20 having IL
served In only one way that he is
puzzled when IL appears IN new
form. one day | told an English au-
dience about New York's fire depart
ment aud It's methods. Great interest
was manifested. so | ventured TO tell
the old story Of a fire In an india rub