The Kimball graphic. (Kimball, Brule County, Dakota [S.D.]) 1883-1905, 1905-07-28

Is engaged in reforming some one else.
The preachers are reforming the
newspapers, the newspapers are re-
forming the politicians, the politi
clans are reforming the railroads, the
railroads are reforming the tariff mag
mates, the tariff magnates are reform
ing Standard Oil, and Standard Oil
is reforming the preachers-so the
happy circle is completed, and when
the bulldog of reform tiuallY does
catch his tail and swallow it anu turn
himself inside out we shall have a fine
country. Generally speaking, most
reformers are carrying their reform
as side line. They make travelling
expenses on it. 1t doesn't cost the
preachers anything to reform the
newspapers. In fact, the preachers
get good deal OF top column next to
reading matter space out OF it that
they would hardly get If they devoted
themselves to the perseverance Of the
saints, and higher criticism. 1t does
MT cost the politicians anything to
reform the railroads-not that any
one knows of. The politicians keep
right on riding on transportation from
the law department of the railroads,
while whooring 1T up for railroad re-
form. and it doesn't cost the railroad
presidents anything to be for tariff
reform, and what's more, it doesn't
seem to hurt the tariff. II the rail-
road magnates were as serious about
tariff reform as they are to see that
the trusts get their rebates, there
would be some tariff reform. And the
beneticiaries Of the tariff aren't losing
much by reforming Standard Oil.
Any one can reform Standard Oil. It
is the punching bag in the National
reformatory that we all try our muscle
on. Standard Oil and its associates
form whole carnival of pleasure
one round Of JOY for the reformers. In
one booth are the Rockefellers and
Henry Rogers, and their friends, and
it costs nothing to throw at these
babies and everytime you hit a baby IN
the Standard Oil booth you get Il fine
cigar; two babies two cigars, and three
babies a subscription to Everybody's
Magazine
The only place in this bright and
more or less beautiful world where
reform takes the hair and the hide,
and the tail thereunto appertaining,
is in Il newspaper Office. 1t costs a
newspaper to go into the reform busi-
ness. Ii you tackle the heef trust,
brother editors, you will hear from it
when you make contract for Vigoral
and the beef extracts. If you tackle
the railroads. you will get chance
to see more scenery to the square mile
when you travel than you have been
used to observing. If you tackle the
politicians they will start another
paper which won't hurt you particu-
larly except as it is disgrace to the
honorable profession in which you are
shining. If you whack away at
Standard Oil there is danger of losing
you Mica Axle Grease and parafine
candles advertising. and if you are for
Sunday closing you are in danger OF
losing you tobacco and cigar and malt
nutrine advertising. Yet you must
reform something. The people de.
mand reform. And if they don't get
it they will stop the diaper. After q
long session of meditation and prayer
the Gazette has come to the conclu
sion that the only safe thing to re
form is the Russian navy. 1t needs
the reform and the czar only gets. oul
valuable papers through clipping
burean, and ii he should decide tc
blister the varnish off several clipping
bureaus no one would care much. The
thing for all true reformers to i do
therefore, is to 60 after the czar. Die
you notice that our beloved president
the most exalted trust buster, the
reformerissimo has this week passed ;
few hot ones to the czar? That mean!
that he is merely getting his breath
sparring for position in the big home
fight. He knows it won't hurt the
czar, who is always for peace anyway
and it will give the president chance
to get his wind in the Panama mat
ter.
The president is successful reform
er. He has done many useful things
in a fine way. He has had the bi,
national stage and has been under TIN
llmelight fer fifteen years He ha
won the championship belt for fou
years and has been in the heavyweight
class for long time. More than tina
he gets bis gate money regularl
whether he wins or losses. But some
times when the telephone in the Ga7
cite office is having Il fit, and the ma
with a tirm-set mouth, and haught
air is in the business office stoppin
his paper, there comes funn
thought to the editorial mind: Wha