Manchester Democrat. [volume] (Manchester, Iowa) 1875-1930, 1905-11-29
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MIR. Johnsing, you have deceived
me. You said you was interested In
mining" $50 Is, Miss Snowflake.
Kalsomlning.'-Life.
Madam-Be sure to put plenty Of
nuts in the cake. Cook-1'll crack no
more nuts to-day. Me jaw hurts me
already.-Harper's Bazaar.
Il don't like the man." why notT'
II hadn't been talking to him I'VE
minutes before he said was an idiot"
why the delay fudge.
Very Quick: First Russian-You
say the fight was quickly over7 Sec
ond Russian-Yes, it was finished DO.
fore you could say Jackopolinsky Ro.
manoffopolotowsky.
Office Boy-Wy, cert, want moro
pay; I'm only getting -four" week,
and give my mother all earn. Pro
prietor-What do you do with the 9TH
er three and a half?-Puck.
Willie-Papa. If was twins would
you buy the other boy banana, too7
Papa-Certainly, my son. Willie
Well, papa, you surely amt going to
cheat me out of another banana Just
because I'm all in one piece Judge.
Bronco Bill-what did Tough Temp
kins die Of? Grizzly Pete-well, the
poor guy needed change of air an
couldn't get 1t. Bronco Bill-Lung
trouble? Grizzly Pete-No; he was
lynched.-Judge.
II got fine job In de business COL
lege." "Gee-wot dyer dor" de
writin' teacher hired me to shake do
table when de new pupils write. This
is sample of my handwriting before
l began taking lessons Exchange.
Brilliant Billy: Bill had a BILL
board. Bill also had board bill. The
board bill bored Bill, SO that Bill sold
the billboard to pay his board bill. SO
after Bill sold his billboard to pay his
board bill. the board bill no longer
bored Bill.
Useless Expense: Lawyer-Now.
see here; before l take your case.
want to know If you're guilty Pris-
oner-Am guilty? Dyer suppose I'd
be fool enough ter hire the most ex-
pensive lawyer in the town IL 1 wus
inherent?
do you know" said Sunday
school teacher addressing new pupil
in the infant class, that you have a
soul?" Course do" replied the lit
tie fellow, placing his hand over his
heart, 81 can feel it tick."-Moberly
(Mo) Monitor.
The Indian Bureau: 1--WE been
radin'," said Pat, "a good dale in the
papers about bureau for the Indians.
Now, don't believe in their havin'
bureau. can't afford to have bu-
reau mesilf! kape me papers in
boz under the bed"
Parson-Of course you are not afraid
to die, Brother Jones. Your good wife.
who went before, will meet you at
the pearly gates. you know. Sick Man
Yes; and peach of time I'll have
explaining to her all I've done for the
past ten years!-Judge.
Another Heartless Monopolist: Mrs.
Gabble-No, indeed, don't have that
woman doctor any more. MRS. Query
Why, thought you liked her. Mrs.
Gabble-Oh, she got to be hateful. She
used to keep the thermometer In my
mouth nearly all the time, 80 that
couldn't say word. while she monop-
olized the conversation.
A Lively Animal: He was good
natured German, and his face fairly
beamed as he walked into drug
store. The first thing that caught his
attention was an electric fan buzzins
busily on the soda counter. He looked
at 1t with great interest," and then
turned to the clerk. "Py golly!" he
said, smilingly, "dat's lily squirrel
yot you got in dare, amt id?"-Lipplnr
colts Magazine.
Refined Pork: Harold was playing
keep store" and had prevailed upon
his grandmother to become one of his
patrons. When she appeared in the
role of customer he said: Have some
nice vegetables or fruit or meat7 Here
is some extra nice boiled ham. Have
some? mo, thank you," she said, II
don't like ham," "Oh, but think
you'd like this, ma'am. 1t is hardly
bit acknowledgements.
A Memory for Dates: A school
teacher was trying to impress upon a
scholars mind that Columbus dlscov-
cred America in 1902. Now, john"
he said, ~ will tell you the date in
rhyme, so that you won't forget 1t. In
fourteen hundred and ninety-two Co
lumbus sailed the ocean biue.' Now.
can you remember that, John YES"
replied John. Next day the teacher
said, John, when did Columbus dis
cover America? I'm fourteen hundred
and ninety three Columbus sailed the
dark-blue sea-"
Improving the Opportunity: Here.
my good man." she said one day last
week to man who had begged aims
of her, there is three-penny piece,
and please to understand that do not
give this because hope to be reward
ed for my charity some day, but be-
cause 1t gives me pleasure to do So"
The burly beggar looked obviously at
the tiny silver coin. Look ere, num-"
be said, I'm this ERE wicked world we
don't often get the chance to enjoy
ourselves. Why not make 1t q shillin'
and ave a real good tme?"
Ironical.
Not without sense of humor is Mr..
Root, the new Secretary of State. He
showed it, says the New York Sun,
during the Boxer troubles in China,