Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1905-08-13
CITY DISCOVERER
MEETSA PARODIST

sitting fiat rock beside min
iature waterfall. The stranger was busy
with notebook and pencil and an open book
lay across his knee
Goodness" said the City Discoverer to
himself. Il do hope It isn't another statis-
tician. think I'll risk II and say good
evening to him" And the Discoverer picked
his way over the broken stone and took a
seat beside the dark-mustached stranger
Doesn't the stream ripple over those
rocks softly?" the City Discoverer re-
marked at length. Just TO open the con-
versation.
-, Loud" cried the stranger suddenly.
Loud! that's the very word wanted. Sir
l am much obliged to you"
For what?' inquired the Discoverer in
considerable 'astonishment
For suggesting the opposite OF the word
wanted, replied the dark-mustached
stranger. Il am at present grinding out
some topical poetry at the suggestion OF A.
friend OF mine who is employed in one OF
the government departments
should like TO hear some OF It," the
Dtscoverer suggested eagerly.
Wen said the stranger obviously. II
don't usually read my stuff but | sun
pose It's all right. When you arrived on
the scene l was working on the last of "A
series OF nursery rhymes to be taught the
American youth in place of those with
which We are now familiar. I will read
you one which trips along thusly:
old King Graft piled his good old craft
ANA a good old craft IL
Tie called FOR his salary and he called for his stoch
And government Job-because
He could work lots better from the real inside
To rake on a fat per cent;
And when he was caught he laughed aloud
And swcre he didn't have u cent -
That's quite reminiscent and appronri-
ate commented the City Discoverer smil-
ingly.
Here's another" said the stranger. Lis.
ten"
Sing song OF scientists.
Pockets full OF graft:
Some with cotton estimates
Some with subtle craft.
When the graft was found out
They all began 10 sing
Il am not dishonest,
haven't done thing
Not to bore you with any more of these
bits of nonsense" said the stranger / will
just mention that l have already composed
thirteen others dealing with the same sub
1ect. always write on timely subjects.
Alfred Austin and 1 have quite a friendly
rivalry to see who can get out the first bit
OF verse after anything happens. They do
say however, that my poetry is-but I'll
not continue on that line. Here Is a famous
bit OF verse altered and touched up to suit
conditions In Washington. 1t goes
have taken your prestige and salary,
III. have ,n,eu grated s NEST 10. OF the time:
And the rake-on got was mine.
WAS there aught did not graft,
In pcrQusites, plums and pap;
One single thing did not know
L
ct have written the tale Of my graft
In f ts.t,,s srS S,ss PH, Pc, m mrth
And We know what the graft WORTH"
Goodness" said the City Discoverer. II
know the original of that very well by
heart. 1t Is called The Prelude, and was
written by"
Never mind who It was written by. old
chap" said the stranger. Just now I'm
doing the talking Did you ever read that
famous poem entitled The vampirey
Many times" replied the City Discov-
erer.
Then listen" said the dark mustached
stranger for am going to read you The
Vampire up to date. This Is it,
A man there was and be got a Job
tEven as you and II.
I'VE called r. a chsnce f1r n aao III asfs a.,
But the man considered IL graft for fair
Even as you and u.
"'oh the years We waste and the tears we waste
And the work of our head and hand
Belong to the man who wasn't 40 slow
land now we know that did know,
And did not understand.
"a there was and thousands he spent
Gwen you and u.
Honor and faith and a sure intent
!And 1t wasn't the least what the gentleman meant.
But CRATER must follow his natural bent
tEven as you and u.
% oh. the stock we missed and the spoil We lost
And the excellent graft We planned
Went TO the man who lived high
And did not understand.
- The man he grated tn graft had died
tEven as you and II.
And he might have been Jailed when he stepped
SBut it isn't of record the government tried.
80 some OF us Wept. but most OF us cried
tEven as you and H.
But TT it isn't the shame and It isn't the blame
That stings like a white brand.
rs coming to know We never knew how
Seeing at last could know how),
And never could understand. -
Gracious. how extremely approprtate"
said the City DiscOverer as he gazed in
wonder at the dark mustached stranger.
This one am about to read YOU" said
the rhymster. rs original. 1t trips along
thusly:"
80 1t was the day of the crop report
And the brokers stood in line
On the steps Of their favorite department.
And each one wore sign
Cotton statistics sought and bought"
''lll make the highest bid
And Will see-you may trust
That the evidence is hid"
i" 1T the day of the crop report,
And up on the second floor
The statlsticians labored and worked
As they never worked before.
For the price was high and the time was nigh
The brokers stood In line
And the computers agreed, they made all speed
That the outlook for graft fine
1t was the day of the crop report
And the market stepped a Jig
tn Lon, one of the brokers who'd bid too low
Called one OF his colleagues "a pig.
Then the market danced and the growers pranced
And the Secretary slept.
The cOmputers trembled the brokers dfssembled
And the loving public wept.
1t was the day after the crop report
On the steps Of the city hall
Computers and brokers stood in line
Awaiting the jury's call.
And some were bold and some cold
And some looked alone and forgotten
But they all agreed-in their hour OF need
On the subject Of old King Cotton "
"Fine"' cried the City Discoverer as the
stranger pocketed his pad and pencil. I've
enjoyed this talk ever much. Won't
you tell me who you are? Your verse has
many of the earmarks of that famous Eng
lish poet"
My dear SIR" interrupted the stranger
hastily. as u smile spread over his serious
countcnance. "Rudyard himself has been
kipling 10 you"
Gracious. said the City Discoverer as
he wandered hOmeWard. satisfied and sInil-