New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1905-10-01
THE TALK OF THE DAY.

Irish miles are longer than American miles; in
fact eleven of them make fourteen OF such as are
measured in this country. American travellers
soon find this out and if they are disposed to COM
plain of the character Of Irish roads. they learn
that the Irish think unreasonable of the stranger
to expect both quality and quantity. To one such
grumbIer the answer was: If the quality is in
farior. we give you plnty of It, anyhow" To an
other visitor who complained Of the narrowness Of
the road the retort well, what We lose in
the breadth We gain in the length
Courtesy and Counter Courtesy.-Cscene-A third
class railway smoking carriage)-Lady Gust seated
to workman who is knocking ashes out of his
WorkmanNNoa- 1 be just a-goin to I'LL again!
punch
physician who had made special study of
epilepsy spent his vacation in the noun
tafns where he heard Of an unusual case, a woman
suffering from that disease who reached the age of
seventy-nine. He was greatly interested and made
inquiry of the widower regarding the dead woman's
case Having asked concerning different symp-
TOMS he proceeded: Did she grind her teeth much
at ntght?" The old considered for minute
and then replied: We'll dunno she wore EN-
at night"
AN IDTL OF THE AUTUMN.
Take off your coat. the of daily wear.
Your I moral SS@ being See t you can bear anu
The coming ordeal with smiling face.
No naughty adverbs will you use, trust
Confine yourself to GOODNESS me-! and love-
Put up the stove.
Though the stepladder totters meath your weight
And jackknives, as stepladders often VIII
Just whistle and preserve serve, your ,91 temper still
Around your neck, and sorrow fills your cup.
You yet may put. without unseemly fuss,
That stovepipe up.
The sections. though your fingers they may nip.
And fall apart from time TO time may fit;
Don't jump them in wrath and tear and rip,
The So etc VIII %asR o in van little DIT
Be very. calm and patient. entreatt: IT.
Chicago News.
Mark Twain says that during his days
Mississippi pilot the worst boat the river was
the Stephen J. HILL Natives never used her; stran-
gers and tsnderfeet sometimes inveigled
aboard. One afternoon thick fog settled down
and the Stephen J. Hill had to tie up to the
bank for the night. One OF the passengers said to
the captain: 1T is too bad going to be late.
captain" I'VE amt going to be late" replied the
captain. but thought" said the passenger. I'VE
going to tie up here all night" 80 are
answered the captain but that amt going to
make US late We don't run close to time all
that"
Decentralization wife has a tremendous In
huence over you. hasn't she?
Lane-Simply wonderful Why, I've got so posi-
lively enjoy living beyond my income~-(Life.
The following item OF society" news is taken
Il
wife of the Mayor lit out for st. Louis yesterday
to visit week"
THE WAY TO DO IT.
Exercise three times day;
Feed yourself on simple fare
Mostly made Of bran and hay;
Revel in the open air;
Never give way to your fears,
Sleep Just like baby;
Then you'll 1--we hundred years
Maybe.
Wear no wraps about your throat;
m F1Ot fafA IuOp
Do, CHI do not rock the boat;
Shy away from punehes
DO not drink too many beers;
Let not debts distress;
Then you'll live q hundred years.
More OF less.
Don't dispute with men who
Larger fists than you;
Do not give way to despair,
Though the rent is due;
Do not waste your strength In tearst
AS for trouble scout II;
Thon you'll live hundred years
Doubt it2
DO not umpire baseball garnesi
Don't for ot1cs
Do not call fellow names
IL he has a gun,
Unto wisdom lend your earsi
shun tho festive schooner;
Then you'll 1--we a hundred years
wrAaa a H.