Alaska sentinel., 1905-08-31


 novels of the day? She-Gracious, no! have just time to see how they end. -Ex.
 He-As sat there alone. Hilda came along and offered me a penny for my thoughts. She-The extraya- gant creature.-Boston Transcript.
 Old Gently poor child. Did not your parents leave you anything when they died? Poor Child-Yep. Dey left me an orphan.-Boston Transcript.
 "Oh, papa, the duke has proposed to me- He has?' Yes papa. And be says I can wear a coronet. Here's the pawn toicke for it"-Cleveland Leader.
 Duffer-I've been figuring on the ex- penses of an automobile. and l find the greatest cost is the operation. Puff fer-Mechanical or l?-Indian- apolis Star
 JIm-Say, Bill, wot would yer do If yer had a million dollars? Bill Oh, I s'pose I'd blow about half uv II ihCSCiA sANh dl bC ohhtA AdiA tryin' ter find out wot wuz de matter wid me.-Ex.
 What does the first expert say?" He says the prisoner is guilty" And the second expertf' Not guilty" There's a third expert, isn't there" Yes: he says both the other experts are liars. Chronicle.
 Oficer-What is the complaint here? Orderly Offering basin)-Taste that. sir. Officer (tasting)-Well, think its excellent soup. Orderly-Yes, sir; that's the trouble; they want to per suade us it's tea.-Glasgow Evening Times.
 Fond Young Mother with her first born)-Now, which of us do you think he is like? Friend Gudicially)-Well, of course, intelligence has not really dawned in his countenance yet, but he's wonderfully like both of you.- Punch.
 Broadway-Too bad about old Gott. rocks. Manhattan-Why, what's tho matter with him? Broadway-He started in to make enough money to retire on, and made 80 much that he's got to work overtime to take care of lt.-Life.
 Which do you think counts for the most In life, money or brains?' Well" answered Miss Cayenne, T see so many people who manage to get on with 50 little Of either, that l am be- ginning to lose my respect for both." Washington Star.
 Guest-This is the fourth time I've rung for ice water. Bell Boy-I know 1t, sir, but the hotel s full of people that were at that same banquet and every time I started down the hall to your room somebody reached out and snatched the pitcher.-Detroit Free Press.
 The Actor-Look here. old man, wish you'd lend me five dollars In ad- vance, and take 1t out of my first weeks salary. The Manager-But, my dear fellow, just supposing, for the "a ke of argument, that l couldn't pay you your first weeks salary-where would I be?-Life.
 The managing editor wheeled his chair around and pushed button in the wall The person wanted entered. Here" said the editor, "are num- Der of directions from outsiders as to the best way to run a newspaper See that they are all carried out" And the ofics boy, gathering them all into larre waste basker, did so.-Wash- lngton Life.
 Give you a nickeli" said Miss De Style; "oh, no. l never dispense pro- miscuous aims. Why do you not ob- tain employment" Please, num-" wss the timid reply, "I have a small baby, and people won't be bothered by a woman with a child" Then, you absurd creature, why not leave the child at home with its nurse F'--Phil- adelphia Bulletin.
 Gen. Phil" Sheridan was at one tune asked at what little incident did he laugh the most Well" he said, "I do not know, but always laugh when I think of the Irish man and the army mule. l was riding down the line one day, when saw an Irishman mounted on mule, which was kicking its legs rather free ly. The mule finally got its hoof caught in the stirrup, when, in the ex- citement, the Irishman remarked: Well, begorrah, If you're goin' to get on, I'll get off""
 Its mighty easy to make a mistake in . person." remarked John A. Me CAll of the New York Life Insurance Company q few days ago to a friend Its Nike the case of a sea captain I once knew. He got married late in life and progressed little further than the honeymoon when his wife packed up her duds and ran of with a hand. somer man. We'll remarked the cap- tain ruefully, as he contemplated the deserted home, seem like I got things wronE I thought I had got mate,