West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1905-04-20
Gov. Dawson Tells Him that He Shall
Not RelllQuiSh His Pie After His
FOUR YEARS OF GOYERNORSHIP.
Will Provide The Rambler With
Pie as Long as BE Remains
Faithful TO The
GOVERNOR AND HIS TAX LAWS.
Has Been Seized With a Fit Of Re-
morse and May Return Home.

AS we sat in the Executive man
son tew nights ago, rejecting over
mans inhumanity To man, Gov.
Dawson remarked to me Ram
bier. life is too short and death too
long for me to consider for one
moment the idea of giving up my
pie at the end of my administration.
have fully made up my mind to
feast on pie the remainder of my
days on terra frma. have also
decided that you shall be provided
for so long as you remain faithful TO
me and my new tax laws. You have
already done much TO enlighten the
farmers and woIkingmen on my be-
nevolent new tax laws, tax laws
which have brought happiness and
contentment to the people. They
have, in large measure, been an
angel of peace to them. Before
they were promulgated and spread
broadcast among the farmers and
working people, dIscontent and dis
tress was visible TO the observant
pieman. AS a pleman of ripe age
and experience | resolved to remedy
this and prove that taxation without
representation is but an idle dream.
TO make the people love their coun-
on earth is to be contented hewers
of wood and drawers of water, it is
necessary to tax them to the full
limit Of the Constitution, as inter
preted by the piemen. Being the
Chief of the piemen it has fallen TO
my lot to interpret the constitution.
have just spread upon the records
my decision, copy of which have
sent to- all piemen, that the Mont
gomery bill, bill which was most
unjust and vicious TO the well being
and happiness of piemen, is uncon-
stitutional. This will be joyful
news to Charley Swisher and pre-
vent him from resigning, which. in
the language of my patriotic friend
back in Preston, Unus Populi, would
be setting a dangerous precedent to
pieman. So far we have been won.
derfully fortunate in not losing one
pieman by resignation, and few by
death. want to lay special en-
phasis on my words when call your
attention to the fact that Senator
Sam Montgomery is no friend of
the piemen. In his short stay here
in Charleston he done more to dis
rupt our happy homes and spread
want and hunger among our self
sacrificing family of piemen than 1
have been guilty of IN my thirty odd
years as referee of all disputes
among the piemen. As you are
probably aware am a graduate Of
the Radical University Of Pieology.
From the best information / can OBJ
tain from Preston Senator Mont
gomery intends to renew his attack
upon our Piery when he returns to
Charleston two years hence. I am
surprised that the farmers and work
ing people Of Preston, whom l la.
bored among as a missionary for
years, should so far forget my teach
ings as to send Senator Sam Mont
gomery down here to torture my
declining years. As Chief Of the
piemen / am looked upon as one
who can perform miracles like the
apostles Of old When Senator
Montgomery was here / held the
pc bone before him but he refused
to gnaw at it. Now his colleague,
Senator J.. J Forman, is a devoted
friend Of the piemen. His record
Is one of which we all feel proud.
lie proved the truth Of the adage,
"a friend in need is a friend indeed
As chairman Of the investigating
committee he was in a position to
destroy the usefulness OF piemeu for
years to come, but as student Of
history be was familiar with the
ancient family Of piemen, and the
many sacrifices which they had made
IN their devotion to the cause OF
humanity, and establishing on this
planet society Of piemen that gem
erations yet unborn will marvel az.
Senator Forman shall always occupy
the seat Of honor at our snniversa
ries. and when he lays aside the
Senatorial toga, and returns to the
laurel thickets OF Grant, we shall