The Palatka news. [volume] (Palatka, Fla.) 1905-1908, 1905-10-06
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Fables From Ancient Grease,
By Esop Jr. Of Putnam Co.
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what given to bibulous habits, miss
ed his train one evening by remain
ing too long with his hilarous COM
panions discussing the merits of the
flowing bowl.
The train he missed met with a
head-on collision and hundreds OF
passengers were hurled into eternity.
MORALES it better to be a dead
drunk Drummer, or drunken
Drummer dead?
A Man met friend upon the
street, who had prolonged his session
with King Alcohol rather too long,
and who was decidedly full.
Said the Man 1T grieves me to see
you in this condition as Nature
never intended your stomach to be a
receptacle for stimulating poison"
Said the Inebriated Person ION
the contrary Nature is my guide.
Look at the moon. Nature gives it
two quarters upon which to get full,
and it has only two quarters left. l
improve upon Nature, by becoming
full upon quarter and having three
quarters left
MORAL-Cut nature out of the ar
gument and give the enemy no quar-
te" at all.
A Colored Individual, which in
former plain Anglo-SaXOn simply
signifies a common, ordinary Niger,
was asked by meek, but highly ed
ucated Professor in one of our Great
Institutions of Learning, (which is
the heaviest, pound of iron or IA
pound of feathers?''
The sapient son of a black mother
with extraordinary glare on his
ebony door plate, promptly replied
that not only was pound OF iron
the heaviest, but also that it was a
stupid question to ask by one who
had his superintendent education
The meek Professor seeking further
explanation why one pound was
heavier than the other, the proud
descendent of Ham and Eggs plainly
showed his Yankee training in his
answer, by asking another question
Huh? which pound would you
druther have fall on yer fOot?"
MORAL-Where ignorance is bliss,
'tis folly to be wise.
A Man said to u Crane ''if | had
that neck and bill of yours, would
be able to enjoy eating ice cream
instead of pork and beans three times
a week"
Answered the Crane las for neck
it is a self-evident proposition that
you did not stand behind the door
when rubber was. passed around, and
iryou would settle that long bill OF
yours at the Clothing Company
store on the corner, the proprietor of
same would be abe to bid good bye
to his regular diet of ham and eggs
and eat ice cream three times day.
MoRAL-Never open IA jack pot on
a bob-tail flush.
An Inebriated Individual, who
demonstrated while coming down
the street, how extremely penurious
the City Fathers had been when
planning out sidewalks, and whose
equilibrium was a subject for serious
argument, was accosted by a Friend
as follows:
at is perfect shame that you
should squander your wealth in riot
Gus living, when you could deposit
same in the bank instead of the Gin
Mill and thus assure yourself of a
balance not only there, but upon the
street also"
The Inebriated Individual, grasp
ing a telegraph pole with both hands,
while seven-by-nine smile spread
over his placid features, exclaimed
''Sir, balances have been the bane OF
my existence. | had balan"e once
of thirty cents hard cash in the bank,
but the Cashier not only lost his bal
ance, but my balance, everybody IS
balance and then balanced himsel'
over into Canada and spent the bal
ance of his days running u success
full goose farm. You simply see me
following his footsteps, searching fol
my lost balance, which may end by
starting goose farm myself, having
one goose to commence with.
would also include goats, but they
seem to be in bad odor."
M0RAL-The evil that men do live:
after them; the good is oft inferred
with their bones.