The semi-weekly messenger. [volume] (Wilmington, N.C.) 1897-1908, 1905-06-06
THE SUICIDE THEORY
The Luscious Strawberry Said by
SnEc to be the Pin Of Destruction.

This is the season of Strawberries
and suicide. Upon the first thought Il
strikes n as rather incongruous 10
mention the W things together IN
one sentence and one breath. The one
calls up memories most pleasant, while
the other suggests associations repug-
nant, and yet there are those in Wash
ington who declare, and who produce
argument in SUPPORT of their declara-
ton, hat Strawberries and suicide are
closely allied IN the relations of cause
and effect. In other words the ius-
cious. red berry that has caused so
many delightful sensations to millions
of appetitites and to which apost-o-
Plies OF rapture have been indited. is.
after all, only the pill of self-destruc-
ton. Perish the suggestion.
There are several persons in Wash
ington who testifv with more or less
earnestness that the eating of straw
berries produces IN them pronounced
SYMPTOMS of dependency and melan-
cholia- After having filled up thei:
system with Strawberries, they declare
that they become depressed in spirits
and that the cares and burdens of the
world seem to be rolled down upon
them IN a flood, making them brothers
to the OK and creating in them q feel
ing or utter disregard as to whether
the government continues to exist or
not. They declare they are filled with
an inclination to let the worst come
without interposinS a hand to prevent
it, and these feelings are attributed to
the effects of the beautiful and inno-
~cent-looking strawberry.
Then again, these people who trace
a connection between strawberries and
suicide, point to the statistics, which
they declare show hat with the plac-
ing OF strawberries on the market the
number of cases IF self-destruction it,
creases, reaching the maximum when
the berry season is at its height. An
instance is also cited of a young man
with apparently bright prospects and
seemingly no cares %besetting HIM,
who delighted his appetite with a large
dish of strawberries and n hou lat
er went to his room, turned on the gas
and shuff1ed off his mortal coil.
What a rude shock would the uni
versal acceptance of the strawberry
suicide theory give to the inner man,
that, figuratively speaking ,srieks with
delight when, after wading through va
rious courses of the dinner he finally
energies to behold at hand the delect-
able dish of strawberries and cream.
which from behind the soup plate at
the beginning of the meal appeared
afar eff, like a pleasant dream to be
realized possibly in the dim, distant
future. According to the advocates of
the theory under discussion, the plate
before you, heaped high, with large,
red, delicious berries, each crowned
with a miniature mound of white pow
dered sugar that melts into the de-
lightful fruit, and the whole entire SUI
rounded with rich dairy cream, con-
ceals some strange influence potent to
drive men and women to end the une-
quail fight with the world and it's an
nOyances.
Picture the grim spectre of self-de-
struction lurking within the strawber-
ry patch and watching for a chance
to i%noculate each Individual berry with
the germs of suicide. Consider the
strawberries in tie patch, how they
grow; they toll not, neither do they
spin; yet theirs must be the busy life,
lodging hither and thither in the vain
effort to escape the dreadful microbe.
Joyless would be the result were the
government scientists finally to decide
that the strawberry is amenable to
the pure food law and subject to a Ii
cense.
No more would the students and dis
turbing cry of Strawberries! Straw
berries! Nice Strawberries" be in
jected into the Fantastic and pleasant
dreams. of the Washington resident
along about 6 o'clock every summer
morning, when sleep is the sweetest
but, under the circumstances, well
impossible. Possibly, however, the
Washingtonian would consent after a
struggle to dispense with the resonant
cry of the early morning strawberry
huckster. There might be drastic laws
enacted requiring that strawberries be
sold only on the prescription OF a rep
utable physician, and stipulating that
each be labeled with the dreadful skull
and cross-bones indicating poison. The
agitation might De carried so far that
kind and benevolent men and women
would organize "Anti-Strawberry
Leagues" which would permit the as
sembling of conventions, the making
of long, "talky" speeches, and, besides,
create a few offices for those who might
have ambitions to appear in the pub
lie limeiight.
Speculations as to the changes that
might result from the general accep-
lance Of the strawberry-su1cide theocy
might go on without Limitation. But,
Notwithstanding the effort to put the
palatable product of the patch in disre-
pute, the Washington citizen doubtless
will continue in the future, as in the
past, to provide for his table
ries and cream, strawberry shortcake
and other delightful dishes containing
the fruit, and give nary a thought to
horrid theories or suggestions.-Wasf-
ington Star.
White Man Sits Down to Walk.