davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1905-12-02
According to Regulations.

A prominent naval officer tells of the
trials of a colleague in marrying off
the girls of his large and interesting
family. Also there is lad of ten years
in this family who, according to the
officer who tells the story, is gifted
with very observant mind.
Toward the end of the winter the
father informed. the, lad that he was
going to lose his sister Ethel, for she
had become engaged to a lieutenant
just out of Annapolis. I'm sorry to
hear that, dad" said the youngster.
because I'm awfully fond of Ethel.
Still, well have Alice and Eva and
Maud, won't we?" Then, after a mo-
ment's reflection, he added:
by the way, dad, this arrangement
will advance Alice a number, won't
it?"-New York Times
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1905-12-02
The Champion eutt-In.

President Mccall of the New York
Life Insurance company was testify
ing the other day before the legisla-
tive committee about the corpora
tons agency business.
What is the chief qualification of
a good agent?" he was asked.
We'll, first class agent must be
a man who is able to butt in
Just at that, moment one of the re-
porters who was watching the investi-
cation felt some. one touch his Shout
der. Looking around, he saw a stran-
ger with a glazing red mustache and
pale blue eyes. This individual lean
ed forward and whispered:
I'D like to talk to you few min
utes"
What for?'' inquired the reporter,
irritated at being interrupted in the
busiest hour of the morning.
81 want to sell you policy in the
Insurance company" confided
the stranger, whereupon there was
an abrupt ending of the interview
New York Post.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1905-12-02
ANIMAL REQUESTS ARE COMMON
Wealthy People Leave Money for
Maintenance of Pets.

Wcaltny People Leave money TOR
Maintenance of Pets.
A free bed for cats is maintai0ed
in an animal hospital in Philadelphia
1t is large cage of polished nickel,
with a porcelain floor that slides out
for cleaning and with an outfit of por-
celain feeding utensils, pneumatic
bed and an abundance of soft, clean
blankets.
Standing beside this bed the hos
pitfalls superintendent said;
1T was bequeathed to us seven
years ago by a rich old woman. The
income of $1,000 is set apart for it's
maintenance. 1t does a deal of good.
Requests to animals he went on,
become more and more common as
the various S. P. c. AS increase in
number.
"A San Francisco woman left the
income of $4,000 to be expended in
keeping the streets free from broken
glass, tin cans and all such rubbish
as might cut the feet of horses. -
There is a hospital for birds in
New York, and 1 know a woman
whose will, when she dies, will make
it richer by $3.50 year.
ga ST. Louis millionaire left good
the lives of aged and broken-down
horses and mules.
Animal requests of this kind are
wise. There is another kind of ami
NAL beQuest, though, that is very fool
ish. This is the setting aside of ex-
travagant sums for the luxurious
maintenance, after the masters or
mistress death, of pet animals. Such
requests cause swindling. The per-
son who has $500 or $500 a year to
keep cat or dog on is proiting
largely, and, when the cat or dog dies,
substitutes another for it in order
that the income may not cease.
Il know of requests of this foolish
sort to cats, dogs, birds and even gold
fish. In each case there was cheat
ing. AS the real pet died another that
resembled it was substituted
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1905-12-02
World would Still Move On.

Burton Holmes tells a good story,
calculated to prevent 'swelled head
on the part of persons who think that
the world could not go on without
them"
L was sitting in the 1oby a large
hotel in Cincinnati said Mr.. Holmes
''pust as a bus load of travelling sales
men arrived from the station. They
busted up to the desk in their usual
business-like and breezy manner and
one after the other signed the register
One and all shoke hands with the
hotel clerk, a quint, fatherly old fell
low, who had been there a good many
years, and one of the knights of the
road said:
'Wen Uncle Dave, it's good you're
not dead yet. 1 don't think the house
could run without you,''
ooh yes it would said the old
clerk, you fellows would come in
here, and if there was strange clerk
on watch, you'd say, where's Uncle
Dave?"
why didn't you hear about him?
He died last month";
''Then you'd say, well, I'll be dram
ed That's too bad. "Say, what time'n
dineer be ready?"-Washingto Star.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1905-12-02
Would Surely Read Ii.

An Irishman was hurt while digging
a trench and was taken to a hospital.
The accounts of the accident, printed
in the papers, pleased him greatly. A
couple of days after he was hurt a
nurse who enter his room found him
sitting up in bed reading a newspaper
and grinning.
What's pleasing you so?" she
asked.
This here tale about me a-gittin'
hurted," he replied. It's foine to git
in tn papers, A moment later he
said: "Say. Miss, please take your
scissors an cut tn tale frum tn paper
Thin Oi1l git you to send tn paper to
me brother Joe in Omaha
why do you wish to cut the item
out of the paper?" asked the puzzled
nurse.
Because" replied the Celtic pa
tient, s'ef it amt there JOEL git to
wonderin' whot was there an thin
know he'll not overlook readin' it,
Kansas City Times.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1905-12-02
shrewd scheme Of Poaehers.s

English poachers is that of leaving
an end of candle burning In a sau-
Ger of water in the bedroom. This
usually is so arranged that the candle
will sputter out at about 10 O'Clock,
just as if it had been extinYuished
and the man retired for the night.
This ruse is often employed by poach-
ers, who discover that the keepers
are watching the house for signs of
the poacher leaving. In very maAy
cases the gamekeeper does not dis
cover that the candle could go out
without any human agency.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1905-12-02
cowardIy covote.

1t is the usual run of things to
ind the coyote out on the plains far
from the haunts of man. At sight
Of man he fees and hides, never by
any chance facing his enemy. The
coyote has been dubbed king of cow
ards. 1t was a most unheard of oc-
currence, then, when, short time
ago, coyote was found in the back
yard of F. Berth, in the heart of the
business district of San Francisco
For some time Mr.. Berth had noticed
his chickens were disappearing, and
there had been some talk of strange
yellow dog that the Japanese settle
ment next door had seen sinking out
of the yard, but such an idea as the
yellow dog being coyote never pre-
sented itself until the poor little
coyote was found in vat, where he
had fallen trying to make his escape.
He had broken his leg. The poor
wild thing was treated kindly, how
ever, and will probably be sold to
the Chutes.- the geological garden of
San Francisco. But the coyote inscap-
tivity has never been a success. He
never loses his cowardice and such
a thing as teaching him tricks is out
of the question 9..-s.-ssl -.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1905-12-02
His JUDGMENT Was Good.

Among the many good stories of
humorous happenings in court told by
Attorney Watson of Pittsburg is the
following:
A prominent attorney of Kansas
City who was retained as counsel for
the defense in criminal case in the
city named succeeded in getting his
client out of a pretty bad situation by
means of an alibi, which the attorney
presented to the court in so novel
way that it was little short of mas
terful.
AT the end of the trial the attorney
was overwhelmed by congratulations
from his colleagues of the legal fra
iternity, who spoke in the highest
terms of admiration of his able work
To these fluctuations there were add
ed those of the learned Judge himself,
who observed:
A fine alibi, that, and mighty well
putt -ss-a
Well modestly responded the
lawyer, L myself think it was rather
neat OF those that were offered me
it was by far the best "-Harper's
Weekly.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1905-12-02
DOES NOT REPRESENT JAPAN
People Not With the Press in De-
nouncing Peace Treaty.

1t is by no means representative of
the nation, quoting the London Times
remark to the effect that Japan can
not be said to have as yet firmly es-.
tablished her position in the family
of civilized nations, the Kokumin Ia
ments that the recent disgracefu1
events have already had the effect of
making journal of such worldwide
influence as it's British contemporary
utter this distressing warning. 1t
does not desire the protraction of the
war and that it is alienably commit
ted to the principles of civilization
and humanity. 1t is only a coterie
of neutrality-suspicious. who are shrek
ing themselves hoarse in order to
gain cheap popularity. Such as they
go even so far as to insinuate that the
praise of the foreign papers means
only ridicule; they are only deceiving
themselves at the expense of the good
name of their country. No, they can:
not and do not represent the real
sentiments and characteristics of the
Japanese people. What the journal is
afraid of most is that the unpleasant
impression the infamous mob con-
spiracy has produced on the mind of
the western people may not stop at
being mere matter of sentiment-it
may lead to unfavorable economic
consequences and the loss of national
credit, SO painstakingly built 1t would
hence assure it's foreign confreres that
the present agitation is the result of
intrigues of habitual mischief makers
and the instigation of misguided jour.
nails.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1905-12-02
Why She Resigned.


She had been in her mistress serv-
ice exactly two weeks when she an
nounced that on the following Satur-
day there would be a vacancy as
lady's maid. Her mistress was puz-
zled. Their relations had been mutu-
ally satisfactory, at least to all out
ward appearances.
rs there anything the matter with
the placer" she demanded. Il thought
1 had been very easy on YOU
Deed, ma am, l amt got no kick
bout de wuk," was the earnest as
surance. You shore am a fine lady
to wuk for
DO you want more money!
Moo, not exactly money
We'll, what is the trouble?" ex-
claimed her mistress impatiently.
We'll, you see, maam, wherever 1
wukked befoh, de ladies, dey sent
notes to gemmen frens, an de gem
men frens, dey give me a dollah fob
bringin' de note, an den dere was the
excitement. Yes'm, OATS de trouble.
Dey amt no excitement here. 1 got
to co.
And she went.-New York Sun.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1905-12-02

The old fire insurance agent sat on
the wagonmaker's sawhorse. He was
a bright man but not the only jack
knife in the show case. Some were
better, some were worse; others were
just like him. He had been jollying
the mechanics boy who was tinkering
at the wise, and had got the laugh on
the boy. A painter was working at
the other side of the room and en-
joying the fun.
The agent got up and went to the
bench, picked up an apple and asked,
what is that?"
Before any one could answer, the
boy jerked out, sAn applet
The laugh was on the agent who
was struck dumb. The painter said
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1905-12-02
wREckAeE is THEIR PROPERTY
Systematic Looting on Western Coast
of France.


When the British ship Umzumbi, a
liner plying between England and
South Africa, went on the rocks, off
the western coast of France, a few
weeks ago, her furnishings and cargo
were looted by the Inhabitants of the
islands of Ushant and Bannec.
Search was made on these islands for
the stolen goods, but to no purpose
An inhabitant of Ushant explained
the situation as follows: when
ship is wrecked on these islands the
robbers take what they can and bury.
it in the sand or hide it in some other
way. They wait patiently till the hue
and cry has ceased, and then go and
unearth their barrels of wine, spirits
and Madeira and the furniture they
have stolen.
''Pillage of this kind rs the principal
resource of many of the islanders and
the most bountiful harvest they could
possibly reap. Not wreck occurs on
our coasts without these thieves has
tening to the scene. Everything that
they find is turned to some account,
whether it be watches, money, furni-
ture, or even sextants and chronom-
eters. Since 1 came to live on the
island l have seen ten wrecks strip
ped by these men and there are no
police to stop them.
"Once a fortnight the police come
with the mail packet and then you
hear some shrill whistling, which is
the islanders method of telling one
another to look out The goods stolen
from the Umzumbi will not see the
light till three or four months hence.
The relocating of that vessel aroused
great indignation among these honest
people, who considered that once. she
was on the rocks she belonged abb
solutely to them
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1905-12-02
Moan of the keIpie.

A year-old wife went down the 1oaning
To meet her goodman did she go;
The bees were in the clover droning,
The cuShatS cooling soft and low;
90 will he never conner she cried.
And why is he slow?'
Above the burn there came moaning,
That summer night year ago;
A sound like wind through pine trees
groaning.
Tossing the branches to and fro;
80 will he ever come?'' she sighed,
And something told her mol
All, what was that went up the loaning?
A shadow cast at sunset glow?
While clearer came the woeful moaning,
Twas like a death dirge soft and slow
my. love, come back to mel" she
cried
why did let you g6?''
A year-o1d widow walks the 1oaning
Her head is bent, her step is slow;
Again she hears the Kelpie moaning,
AS that night a year ago
kind death, come soon, come Sooni"
she cries,
s'For o I want him Soi''
Country Life
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1905-12-02
Aw2zzszwzzz
R 6B| 81 IS B Ct + s.

that the boy was worth saving. The
father remarked that honey and salt
saved him, as for many years the
Group hung around the house like a
bat in the night, and nothing helped
until some one put them on to this
God-given remedy.
How did you use it?' asked the
painter. The father replied, Mix a
half teaspoonful each of honey and
salt for any kind of a croupy cough
unless due to a bronchial cold that
remains on all day and night. For
the latter drink hot corn-meal Cruel
very thin with or without milk, but
sailed, and put honey on the chest as
a warmer and tonic."-From Honey
Money Stories.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1905-12-02
SPLENDID FIELD FOR ROMANCE
Sir Gilbert Parker Says There Is
Room for American Novelists.


Room for American NoveIists.
Sir Gilbert Parker, Canadian novel
list and historian and since 1900 mem
Der of the English house of commons,
sailed back to England Saturday on
the Campania, according to the New
York Herald. He had been on a two
months visit to Canada. The last
six days he had spent in New York
When seen on the Campania just
before it sailed he was surrounded by
friends and relatives who had come to
see him off, but he found time to say
a few pleasant things about the United
States and it's people. OF its wonder
full potentialities in literature he spoke
with enthusiasm.
mo country in the world he said,
presents soJ wide and wonderful
field for the novelist and the romancer
as the United States. You have his
torica1 past of more than 300 years
of exploration, adventure, episode
and incident wherein to draw. You
have a hundred great problems of ma
tional life to solve which present the
most fascinating elements of romance.
You have not only room for the great
American novelist who has been ex-
pected for so many years, but for
NV enty great american nOVeilStS-
AS to his own Literary plans Sir
Gilbert said that he was at present
engaged upon a novel which will be
published serially in Harper's Maya
zine next year. 1t will follow the
lead of his most recent book, "a Lad
der of Swords in the fact that it
will continue his detection from Can
adam soil as field of fiction. The
scene is laid partly in England and
partly in Egypt and the time is some
forty years ago-the period of Ismail
Pasha, who is one of the characters
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1905-12-02
BABY CAME NEAR DYING
From an Awful Skin Humor-
Scratched Till Blood Ran
Wasted to Skeleton
Speedily Cured by
Cuticura.

when three months old my boy
broke out with an itching, watery
rash all over his body, and he would
scratch till the blood ran. We tried
nearly everything. but he grew worse.
wasting to skeleton, and we. feared
he would die. He slept only when
in our arms. The first application OF
Cuticura soothed him so that he slept
In his cradle for the first time in many
weeks. One set of Cuticura made q
complete and permanent cure
(Signed) Mrs NJ. C. Maitland. Jasper.
Ontario"
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1905-12-02
wiIIie Wanted to Know.

Here is a statement that 100000
frankfurters were eaten at Coney
island last summer"
What is a frankfurter, pa?"
Its a kind of a sausage, my son."
What is it made of, pa?"
"a conglomeration, my SON"
And what's a con-what you said.
pa?"
It's mixture that suggests de
duction, my son."
And what's a deduction?"
There are various kinds of deduc-
lions. In the case of the frankfurter
the deduction is that if there were
less dogs there wouldn't be SO many
sausages. Now run right along and
play'-Cleveland Plain Dealer.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1905-12-02
First Experience with a Cart.

Years ago there came to this coun-
try a man by the name of Patrick
O'Day. The first job he got was work
ing for L. e. Draper on the Brighton
road. Mr. Draper was filling in around
a new house and got Pat to drive a
tip cart, the first he ever saw ME-
Draper and Pat filled the cart, and
then he told Pat to drive around to
the front and dump it. Pat drove
away and was gone long time, SO
Draper thought he would go and see
what was keeping him. He got as
far as the corner of the house, when
he heard great commotion, and saw
Pat standing about four feet in front
of the horse and fourishing whip in
the air and yelling: "Rhare up therei
Rhare up and dump the cart!"-Bos-
ton Herald.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1905-12-02
A Convenient Palace.

A gang of newly imported Irish nav
vies were shoveling clay to build a
railroad embankment. This work is
too hard entirely" said Dennis Nor
iarity, as he paused to mop his face
with his shirt sleeve. 81 do be think
ing I'll go back to me fathers palish
in Oirland." AN when We get there -
said Mike O'Brien, with wink at the
other "byes," I'VE have only to putt
per hahnd down the chimney an We
can unlatch the dure."
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1905-12-02

white beds are women and girls who
are awaiting or recovering from opera
tions made necessary by neglect
Every one Of these patients had
plenty of warning in that bearing down
feeling, pain at the left or right of the
womb, nervous exhaustion. pain in the
small of the back, 1eucorrhoea, d1zz1-
ness. datulency, disp1acements OF the
womb or irregularities. All OF these,
symptoms are Indications OF an un-
healthy condition of the ovaries or
womb, and if not needed the trouble
will make Roadway until the penalty
has to be paid by a dangerous operas
ton, and a lifetime of impaired useful-
ness at best, while in many cases the
results are fatal.
The following letter should bring
hope to suffering women Miss Luela
Adams, of the Colonnade Hotel, Seattle.
Wash. writes:
Dear Mrs. Pinkham:=
About two years ago was . great SUI
ferer from q severe female. trouble, pains and
fnaliy told me that had tanaor on the
womb and must undergo an operation II l
vanbed to get well. I felt that this was my
death warrant, but spent hundreds OF dol
lars for medical help, but the tumor kept
growing Fortunately corresponded with
an aunt In the New England States. and she
etable Compound, as it was said to cure tu-
inors did so and Immediately began to
improve IN health, ana was entirely eqreos
the tumor disappearing entirely, without an
operation wish every suffering woman
would try this great preparation
just as surely as Miss Adams was
cured of the troubles enumerated IN
her letter, Just SO surely viii Lydia E.
Pinkhsm's Vegetable Compound cure
every woman In the land who suffers
from womb troubles, Inflammation OF
the ovaries, kidney troubles, nervous
excitahility and nervous prostitution
Mrs. Pinkham invites all young
women who are i'll to write her Tor tree
edvice. Address, Lynn. Mass
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1905-12-02
TRICK OF THE COLLEGE GIRL
Shoe Clerk Explains How She Gets
Money for Matinees.

Whats fellow going to do about
it, anyway" exclaimed a Boston shoe
clerk the other day. ct beats me.
Here comes in Miss College Maid,
and she is as fascinating as she can
be. She picks out SIS pair of shoes
as perfectly lovely and won't we
charge them up to PAP which we Ger
tainly will do. because pa has mott
fed us that his credit is o. k and is
at his daughters disposal.
But next day in comes Miss Col
der her arm. She would really like
to look at those $3.50 Shoes and she
finally buys them. And won't we
give her the change back, he says
with a smile that will tilt most men
from their balance.
"Of course. if a man made such a
proposition we'd call the police, but
we're apt to bow to the Miss College
Maid with the smile, and hand over
the $3.50 to her, as if she had asked
for only pair of extra shoe strings.
Then while Miss College Maid trots
of to the matinee to spend our $3.50
we puzzle our heads as to whether
we have been buncoed or whether we
have buncoed dad although, to be
sure, we charge it to his account.
'-And if a fellow once falls victim
to the wiles of Miss College Maid he
soon learns that she needs new pair
of shoes about every time a matinee
idol comes along."-Shoe Retailer.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1905-12-02
LONG FIGHT ON TosAcco VAIN
English Kings and the Church Unable
to Stop Growing of the Weed.

10 STOP Growing OF the weed.
Tobacco raising in England has a
varied and checkered history First
introduced there in 1865, the Eliza
bethan courtiers soon cultivated lik-
ing for it. Ere long the common peo-
pie followed their example,. and
smoking became a universal habit
among the English. They began to
import large quantities of the Viz
ginian weed and soon after learned
to grow it for themselves. When the
British agriculturists had mastered
the art of raising tobacco at home and
conquered the climatic difficulties at
first encountered in producing it, the
practice of smoking was denounced
il court
James 1 issued counterblast to
the weed. Charles I was no less OPP
posed to it. He also adopted strong
measures to discourage its use and
prevent it's cultivation. The church
likewise took up arms against smok
ing In spite of the royal edicts
against tobacco it continued to be
grown surreptitiously to a large ex-
tent.
Charles II imposed such a heavy
duty on the native article as, it was
thought, would have the effect of ex-
Guiding it from British crops. The
Increased tax, however, did not pre-
vent large numbers from being indie
pendent of foreign countries for their
supply of this commodity. In those
days it was not as easy for the Off
Gals to make long tour of inspection
as it is now. Eventually, in 1882, a
law was passed making it illegal to
grow tobacco in any quantity in Eng
land. The same law, of course, ap-
piled to Scotland and Ireland. In the
latter country tobacco has traditions
Enthusiastically it's own.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1905-12-02

Oldest British Cabinet Minister.
The Earl of Cranbrook, the oldest
surviving British ex-Cabinet minister,
is ninety-one, and was better known
to a former generation under his name
Of Gathorne-Hardy.