The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1905-05-31

OAS AAu "a
Mr.. Speaker and Gentlemen: l stand
here tonight
"Mr. President. you mean"
mir. President. then, and Id like to
knock his blamed head of! I stand
here tonight as me of the warmest ad-
mirers of that noble and heroic son of
liberty, William Penn. and I pro-
pose'~ -
Good lands, Mr.. Bowser, but what
IRE you saying? Don't you know who
William Penn WASP"
"Of course I know"
But he wasn't a noble and heroic
son of liberty. He was a Quaker and a
good man, and he didn't pose as noble
and heroic"
by John. woman, but this is going
too far-too far!.' shouted Mr.. Bowser
as he danced around. zone would think
from what you say that l didn't know
n snow shovel from Il piano. I was a
fool to expect any help from you"
"YOu'd have been a bigger one to
class William Penn as noble and hero
ic. He was known more for his trea-
ties with the Indians than anything
else. OF course the state of Pennsylva-
mia was named after him. II you wan
to wiring in some Of the signers of the
Declaration Of Independence why not
speak of John HancockY'
II might MS we'll speak of Tom Col
Inns. John Hancock never signed it.
The only thing he ever did that I've
heard Of was to send up a kite and
draw lightning from the clouds"
But that was Benjamin franklin"
"\ever. Ncvcr!'
"Of course it was. You'll find it in
half Il dozen books i'll the house. Please
don't get mad ut me. Mr.. Rowser; but,
you see. you have had SO much bust
ness to attend to that these little things
have slipped your mind. Why refer to
the constitution ut allY'
Mr.. BoNacr g!ared ut her and clinch-
eli his fingers. but after awhile he man.
aged to ask:
''Then what would you speak Off"
"Wcll, II YOU feel the need Of it, go
back to the beginning to the landing
Of the pilgrims. They came here to Sc
cure religious liberty, and it was their
descendants who ut last threw off the
yoke of tyranny. Don't make any mis-
take about where they landed, how
ever"
What! 30 YOU intend that for an
insult:"
"Certainly not. but about two years
ago when YOU We're down for Il speech
before some club you had them land at
Yorktown"
Never! Woman. We will have a set
tlcment later Oh. If there Is Il child five
years old in this country who doesn't
know that the pilgrim fathers landed
ut Cape Cod. then he ought to be sound
~ spanked"
Mrs. Rowser groanel In despair.
"Well, what now?' he demanded.
''The pilgrims didn't land there. 1t
was on plymouth rock"
THAT'S an Internal canard! I've
stood on the very wharf where they
landed"
But there was no wharf,"
Mr.. Bowser grabbed a chair by the
back and began to see rel, and the eff
fort he made to control himself left his
face as pale as the dead. His chin was
still %quivering when he quietly said:
Mrs. Bowser, you can insult me no
further"
"But | have only set you right, Mr..
Bowser. You have things all mixed up.
and
"Stop right there! Not another word
until l return with proofs to crush you
into the dust. You need not sit up for
me-"
He went down the hall and put on
his hat and Overcoat and left the house.
and five minutes later he was asking
his family druggist:
did George Washington or William
Penn sign the Declaration of Inlepend-
encc first:"
The druggist looked ut him in a pity
ing way for Il minute and then shook
his head and answered:
Give it up. Bowser; give it up"
"Give up what?"
"Disputing with your wife. She
knows more in Il minute than you do
In all day"
"sir. l would like to punch your
head
"Ycs, l know. but don't get into
scraps with Mrs. Rowser md come here
to try to prove her in the wrong. You'll
get left every time"
Mr.. l'ows"r walked out boiling over
with Indignation. Providence had a vic
tim ut hand. An old tramp asked him
for 10 cents to get Il bed with, and the
next instant there was IL wild war
WhOop, and nc was flying down the
street for his life, and mfr. President"
after him. They took the middle Of the
street, and a policeman who saw them
pass rubbed his frost bitten ear and
mused to himself:
"Well, Old Rowser has broke loose
again and is after gore. l must ruiz
him in next time he ONE my way"
NJ. QUAD.