The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-10-20
HUMOR OF TIE Day

ssThat insurance director is accused OF
.3Ya answered. Miss Cayenne. 1T is
strange how often moral obtuseness goes
hand in hand with a sharp transaction.
Exchange.
'ewen. my dear" said Mr.. Bluegore, Il
have engaged a box Tor the opera TINS eN-
George, how thoughtless of you,' cried
so hoarse can scarcely speak above a
whisper. '-Philadelphia Press.
.'Henpeck's wife's name is Marjorie, is
YES. but he calls her Majority
Not SO very: you know majority
rules Houston Post
LADY, wish to select a pet dog.
NIerchant-Do you live in town, mum?
Lady-Yes, I live in a fat
Merchant-Then would advise an Ital-
ian greyhound, num- No matter how
much you feeds greyhoundsg they alius
stays narrer. ''-Philadelphia Inquirer.
waters-Gracious. Here's a story, of a
western man who shot another because
he refused to drink with him. Isn't it
aWfuI2
Luschman-But probably the one who
refused was the one who had the bottle.
Philadelphia Press.
when Mrs. City attends an opera that
aunt, the widow of the commodore"
Why does she do that2
because everybody n the DOX talks SO
loud in order to make the old lady hear
that it browns the music OF the opera
Cleveland Plain Dealer
saturn-Gee! But Venus was brilliant
Jupiter CsarcasticaIly)-To bad you can
not send her a ring or two.-PucH.
S. Kniclser-Few girls keep up their music
Bocker-And yet some persons say that
marriage is failure.-New York Sun.
Break it gently to father" said the col
Break what?" they asked him.
THAT I went through that football
game without the slightest injury. He'll
think I'm losing my nerve. Chicago Tri-
why has your husband given up deer
him SO much to settle with the families of
the guides he shot by mistake. Wash
ingtcn Star.
LADY" said the ragged Individual a.
the door, I'm a clock regulator. If yer
clock runs fast or slow kin fix it. It's
How DO you know it is?'' asked the
!. cause I always gits hungry at ESQ
Philadelphia Press.
Webster was compiling his dictionary.
It's easy to define words he cried
Just suppose I had to explain an excit-
ing home run to a girl
With Il wild veil he proceeded to root
further.-New York Tribune.
Good morning. said the spider. adding
the familiar polite invitation to step into
step into your parlor?'' repeated the
fly. with a knowing wink You mean
your dining room, don't you2 No, thank
you. philadelphia Ledger.
she-Do you believe men are as brave
now as they used to beg
He-Surei Just see the poetry some men
write now--H onkers Statesman.
The Iaid-what salary is the old man
The New Chauffeur-seventy-fv a
month and fines.-Puek.
Briggs-It seems as if everything had
gone up in price-except human life, that's
cheaper than ever.
Griggs-But that isn't a necessity-Life.
7 understand" observed the pastor.
that you were a witness before the leg
islative committee yesterday"
yes" replied the great financier.
I hope you were able to acouit your
ooh. yes. came of gloriousIy. Hadn't
any trouble in avoiding the production OF
our books. Chicago Record-Herald.
Barber-Iow do you want the little fell
lows hair cut, Mr.. Balder.
Johnnie Balder-1 want mine cut like
papa's with hole on top.-Yorkshire
Have you learned to manage your au-
perfectly" was her serene response. 1T
have run over two people and didn't hurt
the machine q bit."-Wa shington Star.
pa said little Willie, who had been
s.vhat's imported ana .5on9estie
servant girl, replied pa promptly
Philadelphia Press
She Ctime 1870 o. inland would you
really put yourself out for my sake?
she-Then do It, please I'm awfully
sleepy--Chicago News
May ask inquired the melancholy
stranger, what is your pursuit in ufe2''
1T depends" replied Subbubs. upon
7:4s train in the morning and the SIP at
night philadelphia Ledger
Wigg-Your friend the poet carries his
ideas of realism to a ridiculous extreme
Wagg-I know it. He once wrote a SON
the metre Observation-Disclosures Record.
Ascum-Tve always wanted to know
what this quotation means; Sic transit
gloria mundi'
JigIey-Give it up but those first two
wards sound as if they might have some
thing to do with an ambulance.-Philadel-
phia Press.
These insurance manipulators have rob
bed us of millions" said the man who
gets excited
THAT'S nothing answered the baseball
enthusiast. Look at what the urnrfres
| have done to US in those baseball games
Washington Star.
REFLECTIONS OF a BACHELOR
IFrom the New York Press1
People in a fiat always have a nj
ano because there is no room for it
It is awful nice when you kiss a girl
/ the way she seems not to be helping
Won hIt is.
The best way to find out who are
not your friends is to lend them mon
ey, and the next to be in public of7ce.
woman's idea Of a scandal is to