Aberdeen herald. [volume] (Aberdeen, Chehalis County, W.T.) 1886-1917, 1905-05-18

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Doctor. isn't there anything can
do for this seasickness:" why. yes.
Try farming. Life.
Iohnny-Paw. what's the rest of
that quotation beginning Truth is
mighty" Father" Scarce" reckon.
|-Pittsburg Post
He-I go to bed at night with
gloves on to keep my hands soft. She
And do you wear your hat, oo:-
Hartford Courant.
Medium-Do you wish to see your
departed husbands spirit? Mrs Whit.
fietree-No; | want to see his ghost.
Josh never had no pirit.-Puck.
so the specialist said you'd have to
give up smoking for while ell :"
Yes, and he also said I'd have to give
mp SO for good" Weekly
Suitor-I'm poor but honest. sir Old
Rocksy-I don't doubt it at all, my
boy; and unless you change your prin-
ciples you'll never get rfch.-Town
Topics.
Nell-How in the world did you dis
cover her age? Belle asked her at
what age she thought Il girl should
marry, and she promptly said 81
Philadelphia Ledger
What is the chief product Of the
United States:" asked the teacher in
a European school. And without hest
tation the bright pupil replied, Mon
ey."-Washngton Star.
"A New York man advocates the
drowning of all idiots" why. the
cruel brute. | shall raise my voice in
protest, lei oh, well, it doesn't
matter to me."-Houston Post.
What is the secret of your sue
cess:' asked the very young man. in
buying said the old horse dealer, Il
look sharp. and in selling / look just
as ignorant as | can.'-Chicago Daily
News
Its : o'clock, Fritz. We must run
home NO, if go home now | shall
be whipped for being so late. I'm 60
ing to stay till 8 and then III get bon
| DouS dIu hISSeS because III uOt
drowned. "-Lustige Blaetter.
Did you spend money to get into
public office" NO" answered Scna-
tor Sorghum; Il didn't spend it. Il
II decent sense of gratitude in the ben
etciaries. Wa shington Star.
Fair Devotee-l don't see any way
TO raise our church debt, except to
have lottery. Minister (shocked)-
That will never have my sanction,
madam. never. unless you call it by
some other name.-New York Weekly.
Old Party-Boy. you'll catch cold il
you get your feet wet in that puddle.
Small Boy-Dat's what I'm after. I'm
II goin' to speak "Spartacus to de
Gladators" at school on Friday, an l
wants to git me voice hoarse. Chicago
News.
Their pay Is shockingly small for
some of our public officials said the
broad minded man. Yes answered
the cynic; but 1t averages up. Some
of the public officials are shockingly
small for their pay. ashington
Star.
Finnegan-Oh. ys, Oi can under
stand how thin astronomers can cal
kilate tn distance av shtarr its
weight. and dinsity and color. and all
that-but tn thing thot gets me is,
how tn dlvvle do they know its name.
Puck.
She-What is the use of searching
for the North Pole. anyway: He
Why, it would result in great saving
OF money if found. She-How's that?
He-It wouldn't be necessary TO send
any more expeditions to look after it.
Philadelphia Inquirer.
| tonsttuent-\o Mr. Wunnout, |
wish you'd do your best to get my boy
good government job. Congressman
Well what can your son do? Con-
stituent-What can he do: Great
Scott. man. If he could do anything |
wouldn't be bothering you.-Clcveand
Plain Dealer.
Mrs. MCCALL do wish | could get
good maid. Mrs Nandnc-iou
might interview mine. think she'd
be delighted to go to you. Mrs. Nc
Oall-But why don't You keep her:
Mrs. Vandine-Oh, she won't stay.
She says she wants a place where she
won't have so many gowns and hats
to take care of.-Philadelphia Press.
Miss Smythe (organizng subscrip
ton dance)-I'm in despair about our
dance. Mr. Brown. So many people
have failed me. You'll come, won't
YOU? Mr.. Brown extremely STOUT
Reilly, Miss Smythe; I'm not dancing
man. | don't dance at all. Miss
Smythe-Oh. that don't matter in the
least You'd help to fill up. You know.
Mr.. Rrown-Ah-yes-w pleasure.
| will look in about supper time
| Punch.