Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1905-01-13
THE DEADLY ALBUM.
Woes of the Young Man Who Did His
Level Best to Say the
Right Thing.

why so pensive?" asked the cashier,
solicitously, of the bill clerk, relates
the Chicago Daily News. rs your
landlady again displaying her mercen-
airy spirit? Are your feet too large for
your shoes? Or perhaps the ponies
have been coming in contrary to your
best Judgment and reasonable expecta-
tons"
I'D give you three more guesses and
capital prize of anything you like to
name if you hit it, responded the bill
clerk. You won't. though" he contin-
ued; mot in a thousand years. I've
been up against the imminent deaoly
photograph album
You know, Tommy, that my SYM
pathy usually wells out to you like an
oil gusher in a petroleum stock pros
pectus,' said the cashier, with melan-
choly shake of his head. Still, can't
do anything for you on a representa-
ton of that sort If you came to me
with your index. middle, fourth and
little fingers deficient and informed me
that you had attempted to test the edge.
of a circular saw | might condOne your
folly and feel sorry for you. If l were
informed that you had let your curios-
ity about shotgun get the better Of
you on the presumption that it was
not loaded I might send flowers. But
photograph album! Well, after all.
you've only everlastingly queered your
self with one family
eff it was family I'd bear up" said
the bill clerk 1T was the girl Oh,
you can rub it in if you like. It's COM
ing to me. l thought | was wise, but
was otherwise. Yes, sir, she brought
it down last night. Thought it might
interest me. l braced myself and told
her of course it would, and she opened
it up. l ducked and lay low-threw up
earthworks. Yes, | was wise. We got
through 16 pages of cartes and four of
cabinets and l didn't make stumble"
YES" said the cashier. 'Then she
got to tintype of gentleman with
Disgusting whiskers, short trousers,
coat sleeves down ID his knuckles and
the easy, graceful pose of convict in
the electric chair. Who's that striking
you asked. oh, that's papa, taken just
before he went into the army replied
the young woman in 38-below tones.
No you rejoined with your accus-
toned readiness, not that one. 1
mean the chimpanzee on the right
That she says, is my Uncle James,
papa's brother, who died two months
of ho r,ic to1<
received in the heroic rescue of four
women and six little children from a
blazing house. We are all very proud
of poor, dear, brave Uncle James,"
you're a mind reader, aren't your"
said the bill clerk, sarcastically.
You've got it down fine, haven't you?
No, sir, you are off. You didn't catch
me singing adverse criticisms or get
ting gay in any way, shape or manner.
Where l tumbled down was when we
came to picture of a fair young gyurl
with her nose in a muff and her eyes
marking the googiest kind of a play
above it. 1t was fierce, and I certainly
did ache to knock, when the girl play
fully asked me what thought of that
1t almost slipped out, what l thought
of it, but just then [ had a bunch and
took another look. Well, I wouldn't
have sworn it was the girl herself at
first, but you know how different they
look when they do their hair up an
other way, and in a picture, too-and
the muff The longer looked the more
dead certain | was.
Well l said at last, it's a sweet
face and l should say she was very
lovely girl. There is something spirit
uelle about the expression. 1t appeals
to me powerfully strangely. l feel
an inexplicable emotion as l look on
it. Why is it?'
''I give it up she answered. Per-
haps you would like to meet her.
That's picture of Sadie Waters You
may have heard me speak of her.
Take it out and keep it if you are so
much in love with it. l think, though,
I'll let you look through the rest of the
album by yourself
Il had heard of Sadie Waters She
is the girls dearest friend on earth.
and man Of your age and experience
must know what that means. Well,
I'm still up against it, for / can't ex-
plain that | thought il was the girl
herself
"You are a besotted idiot" COM
mented the cashier. Don't look at me
for sympathy or advice.