Middlebury register. (Middlebury, Vt.) 1886-1937, 1905-03-24
UNCLE
AND HIS WILL.

- ~ a. W N ~ - -
Mr.. Owens slowly drew a fat green
pod from the basket beside him, split
it down the middle with his thumb
and sent the peas rafting into pan
between his knees; then he took his
pipe from his mouth and yavned
broadly.
SLOW job, this shellin' peas, amt
it,
"Yes," said l. II often wonder that
no one has invented way of Smelling
them by machinery"
Invention; he snorted. FONT
ever say invention to me again.
wish every Teller that ever invented
anything was hung"
l was much surprised and asked
him to explain. After some coaxing
Mr.. Owens complied with my wish,
and began:
Yer never seed Maria's (my wiie's)
Uncle Ephum, did yer? No? Well, the
old man was queer un, | tell yer.
Richer'n the steel trust, he was; had
thirty acres err 'op gardens and fish
wier and quarter interest in mack
erel boat and Lord knows what more,
besides a lot of cash in the bank.
Maria and her first cousin, Siddie, was
the only near relations he had after
hit wife, Ant Olindy that was, died.
Well, Siddie and her old man and
Maria and me fingered considerable
on the old mans money and who was
agoin' to get it when the old man peg
ged out. Siddie and her tribe wasn't
On speakin' terms with me and Maria
OWN to a leetle squabble we had
over a dog he owned that bit my brin-
die heifer and scarf her SO she run
onto the railroad track and got made
into hash by the up train. There was
a lawsuit and one thing er another ter
add ter the general good feelin' be-
sides.
So me and Maria guessed that none
OF the money was goin' to Siddie, and
Siddie said the same thing about us.
Uncle Eph was kinder impartial, as
yer might say. One spell he'd be for
us and have his will fixed up so as
we could get everythin, and the next
thing yer know he would twist around
and leave it all to tother side OF the
fence.
Fust off he came and lived with us,
and he was a trial and no mistake ;
cross-grsined and fussy and deef-
why, he was so def that a cannon
might have gone off by his ear and all
he'd say would be, What? Why don't
you speak louder?"
Men Maria put up with it as best
we could and never give him any back
answers and did our best to please
him, KNOWN quite we'll that the meek
inherit the earth.
But he overdone it. He was dread
ful fussy about his eatin', and one
time he took notion for gooseberry
pie. Nothin' would do but he must
havo gooseberry pie. So Maria she
cooked big one and he ct most the
whole of 1t and was awful sick, and
swore we tried to poison him. He
had his will changed, leaving every
thing to Siddie, and went off and lived
with her and her old man for most a
year.
We was purity down in the mouth
but everythin' comes to them who
waits, and bimeby he had row with
Siddie that beat the one he had with
us all to pieces. Yer see. Siddie's old
man Is an inventor. Up to that time
nothin' he had invented was worth g
cent, but he kept at it just the same
persistent as hen that wants to set
Well, Uncle Eph took notions over
there, same as he had done with us
and it came about that he thought the
flies ives pesteriu' him at night artel
he'd gone ter bed. Seems as twas DC
tOber | guess the flies was mainly
imagination, but he said there wa.
| millions of EN- round him every
night, and that he couldn't get winl
of sleep.
So Siddie's old man went to worl
and invented machine for driving
away the flies. He argued that If you
were campin' out, or fishin' or any
thing where there was lots Of flies
that they'd bite like everythin wheI
1t was calm, but if a breeze came III
they would all go off. So he rigget
up contrivance to hang over Uncl'
Eph's bed. Twas kind of a wind
mill thing like them fans they hav'
in the city eatin' houses. 1t hum
right over Uncle Eph's piller ant
could be raised or lowered and pulle'
by string to start it goin'. Their
was windmill on the roof that wa
connected with it and give it the pow
err
Well, the very first night Uncle Epl
tried it he laid down, lowered it clos
to his face and hawled the rope tina
set her a buzzin' and went to sleeI
Middle of the night he wakes up an
heard a noise and thought 'twa
thieves come to torture him for hi
money. Sc he sets up in bed and
whack! one of the arms of that 'er