The Evening statesman. [volume] (Walla Walla, Wash.) 1903-1910, 1905-05-20
7u11,uleboy In Tyustlamd
By IOHN KENDRICK BANGS

What would you like to know first?"
| We'll, I-er-Tm very young, you
know, Princess, and 1 hardly know
Jimmieboy began.
| You might tell him your opinion of
the new spring styles in hats suggest
| ed Cigarette demurely. I'VE don't ap-
prove of them at all, Mr.. Jimmieboy
They're SO small that nobody can see
them, and what's the use of a spring
| hat if nobody can see it?''@
| I'm sure l don't know" said Jim
mieboy, little puzzled.
| He's. a bright boy, Princess OBJ
served Cigarette He guessed the an
swer the very first time. Now, last
year, when the hats were five times as
large, they were really useful. Mine
! was so big l was able to raise IA of the
| 81 varieties of fine cut without seri-
ously interfering with the rest of the
trimmings, whereas in these little polo
| affairs the women are wearing this
year, there's hardly room for a flower
pot after you've slowed away few
yards of ribbon and a couple of dozen
velvet bows and few feathers on it,
| Maybe he's not interested in hats,
| Cigarette DEAR" said the princess, not
ing that Jimmieboy was beginning to
| look bored. Il think it is far more
likely that if he could think of it he'd
prefer asking us how old I am and
what are my impressions of America"
| Yes. | think l should like to know
about those things" JimmiebOy put
! in.
We'll, so you SHALL said the Prin-
cess kindly. First, then, as to my age.
l really don't know how old l am. l
was here when Columbus arrived
| In Trustland?" cried Jimmieboy.
| We'll, in what has since become
Trustland," replied the Princess. And
later on l had a very charming fiirta
ton with Sir Walter Raleigh. l really
think l might have married him if he
had stayed"
| You must be much older than you
look" said Jimmieboy, politely, for as
ne gazed at the charming little Prin
cess it seemed hardly possible that she
was over eighteen.
| Il am. Most women are" said the
| Princess. That is one of our princi-
pal attractions. AS for my impressions
of America, l think it is a pretty big
place, and vastly improved since it
| ceased to be a republic. 1t is more
like what it used to be before Column
bus came, now that the tribal Sys-
| tenn of government has been restor
! ed
The tribal system, eh?" asked jim
mieboy. " hadn't heard of that. Does
Uncle Sam know about it
He is just beginning to-, smiled the
Princess. What a nice, naive little
boy you are. Don't you study his
tory?"
'Oh, yes, indeed" said Jimmieboy. L
know all about George Washington and
Abraham Lincoln and General Grant
and Teddy and those people,
"Ah, yes said the Princess. Il be-
lieve they are mentioned in history
but the Others General Baer and Ar
mourdilo and Admiral Morgan ani
other real herous who founded the Tri-
bal System by which the country is
partitioned off into blocks under the
supreme head of the Oil King-ever
near of them?'
Il don't believe he ever heard of the
Oily Charta of King john" laughed
Cigarette Very few boys from Uncle
Sans house have"
No, | never did" said Jimmieboy,
"Humph Never heard the words,
All trusts are created free and equal
in the pursuit of life, liberty and
shekels?' cried Cigarette.
Never" said Jimmieboy, abashed.
4 begin to see why they put you in
charge of the bureau said the Prin-
cess. It's a splendid idea to take some
body who doesn't know anything about
I,a- rt in at his
without having to unlearn lot of false
notions about trusts"
Il wish you would tell me about
Them said Jimmieboy.
I'll be very glad to tell you about
the only one I'm in said the Princess.
L don't know anything about the 9TH
ers. You'll have to ask the Iron Pig
and the Amable Cow about theirs in
person. AS for mine, l am proud of it.
It's one of the greatest charities known
to man.
It's lust chuck full of anthropy,"
said Cigarette.
WHATS anthropy?" asked Jimmie
boy.
"Hoh.' jeered Cigarette. Didn't
you ever hear of philanthropy?
We'll, anthropy is the same thing
!
Princess Nicotine. You see, before
we were taken in tow by the managers
of Trustland the people who bought
our crops and turned them into cigars
and cigarettes and two -fers' and the
things like that. were all the time
uuarreling among themselves and try
ing to get the best of each other by
selling our beautiful leaves for less
than the cost. The result was that
everybody was ruined and hundreds OF
dealers either committed suicide or
filled up their cigars with cabbage
leaves ana grass and corn silk to keep
the wolf from the door. Some cigar
dealers had to sell theatre tickets to
make up their losses. Some OF EN-
were compelled to put slot macnnes
lin their shops and sell lottery tickets,
which is against the law, to save them
!selves from bankruptcy. Others went
to the expense of giving away an au-
ltomobile with every five-center solo.
Nobody could tell when they bought
M