Arizona republican., 1905-05-07
THE RETIRED CAR CONDUCTOR.
By eelett Burgess and Will Irwin.

James wisweu Coffin. 3d pulled steadily at his cigars. He smoked ner- VOusly with a ruthless determination to finish at any hazard.
 By the watch he had succeeded in smoking his first cigar in eleven min utes. Keeping fairly we'll to this pace. s o'clock found him with but four left in the box. Rather sallow. with a faded, set grin, still puffing, still chaf- fin, the Harvard freshman was cool as AthOs under fire. The Klondiker was as excited as heavy packer at a six days-go o-as-yOu- please. The cigar clerk had run out of racy tales and conundrums.
 At last but three Panatelas remained.
 See here" said the scion of the Puritans, 'I promised to smoke the whole box. didn't I. and to keep one lighted all the time2 We'll I didn't say only one. and so I'm going to make a spurt and smoke the last three at once-''
 The KlOndiker demurred and it was left to the cigar salesman to decide. Coffin won. Making a grimace. the young fool, with a dying gasp of brav- ado. lighted the three and while the others looked on with admiration. puff fed strenuOusly to the horrid end. When the stUmDs were so short that he could hardly hold them between his lips the salesman pulled out a watch.
 Seven hours. twenty three minutes and six secOnds-COffin wins." he cried.
 At this the Harvard Freshman top pied and dropping prone upon the floor felt so desperately. so horribly i'll that for while his nausea held him caD- tive. The room went round. After a while he reeled to his feet and felt the touch of gold that the Klondiker was forcing into his palm.
 You were dead game all right, youngster," the Klondiker was saying 'I never thought you'd see it through. but you earned your money I'll bet you never worked harder for a salary. thought"
 Coffin tried to smile and drank half pitcher of water. "GentIemen."/ he said. solemnIy leaning against the wall paper. lone of life's sweetest blessings has faded. I have most one of youths illusions. I shall never smoke again. There is nothing left for me to do but join the SalvationArmy and knock the demon rum. My heart feels like a punching bag after Fftz has finished Dracticing with it. and my head is as
  the dark brown hole where my mouth used to be-brrrrrhl I move we pass out for fresh air. Funny, it seems a trifle smoky herei Wonder why Come along and see me skate on the sidewalk. I'm as dizzy as Two-step Willie at the eleventh extra" Then he patted the double eagles in his hand. Every one of you little yellow boys has got to go out and get married; I must have a big family by tonight"
 The Klondiker gasped. For heav- en's sake, you don't mean to say you're going to begin again? You ought to be in the receiving hospital right now. Can you think of anything crazier to do after this? I'll back you, I haven't had so much fun since left the Yu- kon. You're likely to tip over the City Hall before night, if I don't watch you"
 Well, well, I can't quite keep up this pace, gentlemen" said the cigar clerk, ''and I have to open up the shop. I'll look you up tonight at the morgue."
 He left hurriedIy.
 Once outside Coffin's spirits rose. 'I never really expected to greet yon