davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Holbrook argus., 1905-11-04
Depends.

The man behind the white apron in. dignantly asserted himself.
 q won't be ordered around as if was a slave" he exclaimed. "Tm as good as you. It's no disgrace to be q waiterw
 "Maybe not" said the dyspeptic guest, "but it's disgrace to be such a waiter as you are."
Holbrook argus., 1905-11-04
Then He Hurried Home.

q say, Miss Nellie," remarked young Borem, as the clock chimed the hour of il, q have q conundrum for you"
 "Well" she queried, as she attempted to suppress a yawn, what is it?'
 "What is the difference between me and a five-dollar gold piece?" he asked.
 "One can easily love fve-dollar gold piece," she replied.
Holbrook argus., 1905-11-04
Lost Forever.

Smith-Poor Brown! We shall new sr enjoy the pleasure of his company again.
 JonestWhat! He isn't dead, is heI Smith-Oh, no.
 Jones-Married7
 Smith-No.
 Jones-What then7 Emith-He bought a dog yesterday,
Holbrook argus., 1905-11-04
Great Luck,

"John," called Mrs. Stubb, white with anger, do you know what a chump you have made of yourself?"
 What are you talking about, Ma rla?" asked MT. Stubb In surprise.
 "Why, you have actually engaged a flat that Is too small to get our daugh- ters piano inside"
 T have? Thank heaYenw
Holbrook argus., 1905-11-04
His Admission.

Wife (during the spat)-Come, dear, we have no occasion to quarrel in this manner. Of course l do some very fool ish things at times-and so do you. You'll admit that, will you not?
 Husband-Certainly, I'll admit that you do, my dear. That's what I've said all along.
 Wife-Wretch! How dare you!
Holbrook argus., 1905-11-04
Kniclserbockers Were Fierce

"Graciousw exclaimed the economi- cal mother, q thought l had cut down this old suit of your fathers so it would fit you, but it seems entirely too large yet"
 "Yes, ma," replied the bright boy, especially the wide eX-paats.' "-- Philadelphia Press.
Holbrook argus., 1905-11-04

The first Japanese newspaper was pub lished in 1863, only forty-one years ago, and contained some news translated from the Dutch papers To-day Japan has over 1,5OO daily newspapers and period icals. Tokio has over 20. The "Japan Times" of Tokio is published in Eng- fish, but is edited exclusively by Jap anese.
Holbrook argus., 1905-11-04
Natural Conclusion.

"Klndly put out your tongue llt4 tie farther, madam" said the doctorl
 "Slr," rejoined the fair patient "do you think there Is no end to woman'a tongueT"
 Madam" replied the M. D., q have been married seventeen years and I haven't found the end of my wlfe's yet"
Holbrook argus., 1905-11-04
Getting at the Facts,

Lawyer (examining witness)-Where do you live?
 Witness-With my uncle. Lawyer-And where does your un- cle live?
 Witness-With me.
 Lawyer-Um-yes. Where do you both live?
 Witness-Together.
Holbrook argus., 1905-11-04
Worse than She Thought.

Aunt-But thought you understood that George is a poor man when you became engaged to him?
 Niece-Of course I did; but didn't imagine it went so far as his not being able to get new automobile until next season.-Judge.
Holbrook argus., 1905-11-04
Cause of the Change.

"The water was cold when l came in," said the thin bather; but 1t feels warm now. l suppose it's because I've got used to It."
 Huh uh," responded the fat bather. "A Boston girl just went out and a New Orleans girl came in."-Detroit Tribune.
Holbrook argus., 1905-11-04
Her Titan Locks,

Leslie-Molly gave herself away aw. fully yesterday.
 Carter-How?
 Leslie-Tom insisted that she had fiery temper because her hair was red, and she had to admit it was dyed to win ths argument!-Detroit Free Press.
Holbrook argus., 1905-11-04
Economies.

Bella-Prof Muggins tells me that the first principle of socialism Is to divide with your fellow man.
 Tom-Not as I understand 1t. On the contrary, the first principle of so- cialism Is to induce your fellow man to divide with you.-Puck.
Holbrook argus., 1905-11-04
Jane's Superstition.

"Jane has another of her dreadful toothaches."
 "Why doesn't Jane have the tooth outY'
 "Jane wants to save 1t"
 Why"
 Because she believes in odd num- bers. If she lost this tooth she would only have two left."-Cleveland Plain Dealer.
Holbrook argus., 1905-11-04
Strenuous Life,

The Mother-Now, be careful, my son, and don't work too hard at col. lege, or you may injure your health.
 The Son-Don't worry, mother. Un. der the new football rules there isn't half so much work required as for. merly.
Holbrook argus., 1905-11-04
Change of View.

Gif1e-A month ago links was abus- ing his uncle for an old skinflint. To- day overheard him praising that rel ative's notable thrift and frugality.
 Spinks-That's natural enough. His uncle died last week and links got all his money.-Louisville Courier-JournaL
Holbrook argus., 1905-11-04
Limit.

Mrs. A.-And does your husband keep worrying you by saying you don't make things like his mother used to maker
 Mrs. Z.-Indeed he does. Why, he says I don't even make mistakes like his mother used to make.
Holbrook argus., 1905-11-04
Accounted For.

Casey-Cassidy be working over six teen hours day now for almost naw- thing!
 Coshgan-Th' reptile scab Phat do he be doing?
 Casey-Whoi, he's gone into busi- ness for himself, begorrah!
Holbrook argus., 1905-11-04
Uncertain.

"Jinx appears to be little bit un. certain about his auto"
 "How is that?"
 q saw him just starting out for a spin in it to-day and asked him how far he was going and he said he wish ed he knew."--Houston Post.
Holbrook argus., 1905-11-04
A Pleasant Outlook.

He-Darling, our engagement came just in the nick of time.
 She-How Is that?
 He-Why, when I told the head of the firm, he said 1t just saved me from being fired
Holbrook argus., 1905-11-04
Hard Luck's Limit,

Flows times drumming life insur- anceT
 Trough. But my brother writes me that he has an even harder job."
 "How can that be "
 He is trying to sell suede gloves in Norway" PittsburR Post.
Holbrook argus., 1905-11-04
Doubted He Veracity.

"What luck did you have fishingf"
 Bad. Very bad. landed three whoppsrs. They were so big nobody'd believe 1 caught 'em."-Dsroit Tres Press.
Holbrook argus., 1905-11-04
Before and After.

When first we met my heart was
 touched,
 Her picture soon adorned my lOcketl But alas! we're married now, and who'd She touches" me it's at my pocket.
The morning Astorian. [volume] (Astoria, Oregon) 1899-1930, 1905-09-11

Budapest. Sept. e.--During the ses'
sions of the international Prison Con.
grcss. Judge Simeon y. Baldwin, Of Con.
necticut, professor Of constitutional
aud international law at Yale Universe
sity presented report on the question
"By What Principles, and In What Man
ner May Conyicts he Given Work In the
Fields ON Other Public Work In the
Open ART" The objections TO the
forced labor Of conyictS In the open mir
Judge Baldwin stated 10 BE- as follow.;
II exposes the criminal to public hui
initiation.
1t dcgradcs him In causing him TO
fall into bad company.
II exposes him TO the abuse and tyr.
ranny of those who direct his work.
IL facilitates esdnpcs.
II makes an unjust competition with
the labor Of free citizens.
Pointing out that most conyicts come
from class Of persons untitled for any
trade or occupation except the most
unskilled labor. Judge Baldwin sug.
gcstcd that the government buy up vast
tractS Of poor, idle. or Wild land and
send it, conyIcts there TO work with
shovel or pickax, draining and irrigatlng.
Though great expense would be en-.
tailed in buying such land, he main.
tanned that the state would bc able TO
sell IL IT mn ultimate profit. Citing
the example Of North Carolina, where
p5 pcr~nt Of the condemned are by
The morning Astorian. [volume] (Astoria, Oregon) 1899-1930, 1905-09-11

S. :. ). contains no mineral OF any description,
guaranteed entirely vegetable and we offer 81 900 fol
that is not just as we represent it to be- 1t lea
bad aftereects but purfes the blood and at the
builds up your general health In chronic or longsts
cases of blood poison where the stomach and digestion
been damaged by the use of minerals, S. S. S. will
The morning Astorian. [volume] (Astoria, Oregon) 1899-1930, 1905-09-11
Evolution of n Name.
CHAPTER I.

CHAPTER I.
What Is your name, little boy"
asked the teacher.
Johnny Lemon" answered the boy.
And II was so recorded ON the roll.
CHAPTER II.
"what is your namef' the schoolmas.
ter inquired.
"John Dennis Lemon" replied the
big boy.
Which was duly entered.
CHATTER III.
"Your name, slry' said the college
dignitary.
u. Dennison Lemon" responded the
young man who was about to enroll
himself as student.
Inscribed In accordance herewith.
CHAPTER w.
MAY ! ask your name?" queried the
society notes contributor to the Daily
Bread.
Jean D'Ennlce lie Mon," replied the
fashionable parsonage In the opera box.
And It was thus jotted down.
THE END.
The morning Astorian. [volume] (Astoria, Oregon) 1899-1930, 1905-09-11

natural occupation rural laborers, and
where this plan IL successful In flnan.
cial operation, the judge concluded, nev.
ertheless, that the new scheme Is some.
what more expensive than the ordinary
one Of putting thc conyiets at road labor
as they are constantly before the public
eye.
Where the latter kind OF work !.
found unavoidable, Judge Baldwin sug.
gested that the better class OF criminals
be allowed TO wear masks. This privi.
lege he would make dependent on the
recommendation Of a chaplain or 9th.
er competent authority, and also on
the prisoners continued good behavior.
The sessions Of the Congress are be.
Ing held In the Hungarian Royal Acad.
emy OF Sciences. America repre-
sented by ex.Congressman Samuel June
Barrows, OF New York; Charles Rich.
,nond Henderson, professor Of sosciolo.
ogy at the University Of Chicago, and
Judge Baldwin, with whom Archduke
Joseph Augustus lengthily conversed at
yesterdays official reception Of the del.
egates.
Practically all the European countries
are represented at the Congress, as well
a. Cuba, Japan and Mexico.
The morning Astorian. [volume] (Astoria, Oregon) 1899-1930, 1905-09-11
High Finance.

Willie had a savings bank.
Twas made Of painted tin.
lie passed II round among the boys.
Who put their pennies In.
Then Willie wrecked that bank and
bought
eweetmsats and chewing gum.
And TO the other envious lads
He never offered some.
what shall we dor bis mother said
'it II a sad mischance."
His father said. We'll cultivate
Ills gift for high fnancsr'
-wAshinstoa staa
The morning Astorian. [volume] (Astoria, Oregon) 1899-1930, 1905-09-11
Truth VIII Ont.

A young man was taking the civil
service examinations and was exas.
perated at the irreleyance OF some of
the questions. One question was,
How many British troops were sent
to this country during the American
Revolutiong" The young NAN nibbled
bis pen for a moment Ia annoyance
and then wrote the answer, Il don't
know, but a darned sight more than
went back. ."-Llpplncott's Maga zine.
The morning Astorian. [volume] (Astoria, Oregon) 1899-1930, 1905-09-11

"shall | get you the shovel. Mr
Tightwndf"
What In the world do you suppose
I want with a shovel. JimmyT
"sister said II you went with her
you've got to get busy and dig up
Houston Post
The morning Astorian. [volume] (Astoria, Oregon) 1899-1930, 1905-09-11
Luring Him On.

Servant tat sweet girls boudolr)-
Mr.. Nlcefellow is In the parlor. miss.
Sweet Girl throwing down q novel;
Horrors! And my nalr Is all down.
Tell him he'll have 10 wait little. as
I'm In the kitchen helping mother
London Tit.Blts.
The morning Astorian. [volume] (Astoria, Oregon) 1899-1930, 1905-09-11
TO Mask CRIMINALS
Famous Judge Recommends Plan
10 Prison Congress
FAVORED BY MANY NATIONS

Judge Says Present Method Of Working
Working Criminals Tends to Humil.
late Them and Expose Them to the
Abuss and Tyrsnny Of those In
charge
The morning Astorian. [volume] (Astoria, Oregon) 1899-1930, 1905-09-11
Cute Sayings From the
Lips Of Little One.

"CAY. papa" qucrIed little Harold
looking up from his book. "do
- they plant bird seed when they
want to raise sparrow grassy'
The morning Astorian. [volume] (Astoria, Oregon) 1899-1930, 1905-09-11

am compelled by sense Of gratitude to ten
you of the great good your remedy has done
me. Among other symptoms was severely
afflicted with Rheumatism, and got almost past
going. The disease got a firm hold upon my
system my blood was thoroughly poisoned
with the virus, as characterized by the usual
symptoms. / lost in weight was run down.
had sore throat, eruptions, splotches and other
evidences of the disease. I was truly in bad
shape when began 8. s. s., but the persistent
use of 1t brought me out of my trouble. safe and
sound, and I have the courage TO publicly tes-
tify to the virtues Of your great blood remedy.
The morning Astorian. [volume] (Astoria, Oregon) 1899-1930, 1905-09-11

looking up from his book. dc
~ they plant bird seed when they
want TO raise sparrow graSsf
Little ElsIe's father was very 1o,ue
~ NAH. One day after looking az him
steadily for some time Elsie said:
Mamma. didn't they have any good
looking men In stock when you went
shopping for husbandT'
TeaCher-in what zone do we live,
Tommy?
Tommy-Temp'rate zone.
Tcacher-Can you tell me why II Ia
called temperate zonei
Tommy-'Cause It's too cold In win.
ter an too hot In summer.
Small Bobby had Just returned from
an afternoon children's party.
"What kind OF refreshments did you
hayei" asked his mother.
Liquid" answered Bobby.
Liquid" she exclaimed In surprise.
"Yes, ma'am." answered the son OF
his father "Us boys all ran away from
the girls and went awlmming."-Chl.
cago News.
The morning Astorian. [volume] (Astoria, Oregon) 1899-1930, 1905-09-11

mercury and potash treatment all
external evidences of it may disap-
pear, and the victim misled, be
buoyed up by false hopes of cure,
while the disease may even then
have fastened its fangs in some
vital spot within the system, where
it is doing its destructive work un-
seen. Mercury has arrayed against
it thousands upon thousands of
physical wrecks and chronic inva-
lids who have been dosed for years
and their systems saturated with
these powerful drugs, only to be
harassed by constantly returning
symptoms and confronted with unr
your blood is tainted with this aw
who come in contact with you, and
contagion. AS long as there is lii
as any signs of Contagious Blood !
crushing out the life of this Loaf
known does this so thoroughly q
peculiar virus that spreads throu
healthy tissues and threatens evel
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1905-07-13
ORGANIZE LEAGUE
Women Join to Assist in the
Ranks of Union
Labor.
WILL CALL FOR THE LABEL
Ten Charter Members and Ten AppIi.
cants for Membership Begin
the Work Here.

Organization of the Tri-City Wom
ans Union Label league was effected
at the Industrial home yesterday after
noon This is the result of the labor
OF Mrs. NJ. E. Weitler of Cincinnati
and the new labor force starts out
with 10 charter members and 10 ap
pllcations for membership. 1t will
meet the first Wednesday afternoon OF
each month in Rock Island and the
| third Friday afternoon in Davenport
The following officers were elected:
President-Mrs. P. j. Carlson. Rock
Island.
Vice President-Mrs. ]. w. Wilson,
Rock Island.
Financial Secretary-Mrs. A. McIn,
mes, Rock Island.
Davenport.
Sentinel-Mrs. ]. Fassnacht, Rock
Island
Charter Members.
The charter members from Rock ISL
and are Mrs. p J. Carlson. Mrs. A. Nc
lines, Mrs. J. w. Wilson. Mrs. George
Memo, Mrs. E. B. Olson, Mrs. A. A.
Hussey. and Mrs. j. Fassnacht Those
from Davenport are, Mrs. L. Ritchey.
Mrs. E. d. Fischer. Mrs. William Har-
Aey.
The Tri-City Labor congress took up
this matter of the organization of
label league in Rock Island months ago
and made several unsuccessful at
tempts to get the movement started
The idea was not wholly given up,
however, and the woman who came
here to do the work has been more
successful than were the men. The
purpose of the organization is to get
a membership consisting of the wives
and daughters of union men AMI the
women who are themselves members
of unions and demand the label in pur
chasing.
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1905-07-13
SOCIAL AFFAIRS.
Ocock-KendaII,

Quite a large party of guests have
returned from Clinton, where they at
tended the wedding of Miss Pearl Ken
dali, of that city, and Charles \. Ocock
of Madison, Wis. The ceremony was
solemnized at the st. Johns Episcopal
church of Clinton, by Rev. Allen Judd
priest in charge. The ring ceremony
was used, and the bride given away
by her father. Mrs L. b. Drifill OF
Davenport, an aunt of the bride, play
ed the wedding march. Although the
church was filled with friends of the
bride, only relatives were guests at the
home, where a delicious luncheon was
served. The wedding was yellow and
white, and the house was beautifully
decorated. Many presents were re-
ceived by the bridal couple. The bride
had been employed as teacher in Clin-
ton for several years, while the groom
is professor in the agricultural college
at Madison, Wis, where the happy
couple will reside. Those present from
Rock Island were: Mrs. Walter John
son, the Misses Harriette and Margue-
rite Johnson, Mrs. Louis Schmidt. and
Mrs John Britain; from Davenport,
Mr. and Mrs. l.. b. Drifhll, Wilbur
DrifIiI, Mrs S. G. Robson and Winnie
Belle Robson.
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1905-07-13
RELAXING OF TRACKS
ALONG SECOND AVENUE
Tri-city Railway to Undertake Difficult
Task in Few
Days.

General Manager J. F. Lardner, of
the Tri-City Railway company, stated
asst evening that the relaying of the
company's tracks through Second ave
nue. will begin as soon at the joint
chairs essential TO supporting the heavy
rails 70 be used in this work are re-
ceived from Chicago A special order
has been put in for them and there has
been some delay in turning them out.
When they arrive a big force of men
twill be put on in order that as little
delay in traffic and as little inconyeni-
ence TO the general public as possible
will attend the putting in of the I'M
provement. There is no stretch of
track in the three cities over which
more cars pass in a day or at more
frequent intervals" said Mr.. Lardner
than along Second avenue between Fiji
teenth and Twentieth streets. Be
tween Seventeenth and Ninteenth this
is especially So and TO handle all these
during the time that the track is torn
up. is no small undertaking. but We
have made provision for removing and
replacing only portions of the track AT
a time, and by the use OF portable
switches and cross-overs we expect TO
accomplish the work with little delay
10 the cars and little disadvantage to
the public.
we have just completed the relay
ing of our double tracks along Third
avenue from Twentieth street to Tween
ty-fourth. and when Second avenue is
finished we will have our tracks in
good shape from Twentieth and Fourth
clear down to the lower end on both
Second and Fourth avenues, together
with Fifteenth. with the exception of
a little jog between Second and Third
avenues. which We propose to straight
en- when the Second avenue work is
put in"
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1905-07-13
s. M. SWALLOW PASSES AWAY
Employed for Many Years as Printer
in Rock Island.

Employed for Many Years as Printer
in Rock Island.
Samuel NJ. Swallow died at 7:45 last
evening, after an illness of about two
months. The funeral. which will be
private, will be held at the home. 615
Ninth street. at I: 80 Friday afternoon.
Mr. Swallow was born January 27.
1914, in Havana, Ill He was married
February II. 1868, to Mary c. Allen in
Bloomington, and was the father of
TWO children, William A, of Rock Isl
and, and Mrs. Julia B. Lage of Wyo-
ming. Iowa. Besides these who mourn
his death are his mother and sister
who live in Springfield. and a brother,
Daniel E, who lives in ST. Louis.
In 1876 he came to Rock Island and
has since resided here, working at the
trade of printing until his physical
condition compelled him to give I'D
about two months ago The death of
Mr.. Swallow marks the passing of one
more veteran OF the civil war.
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1905-07-13
honors to Eastern Star.

Rock Island chapter, No. 2C9, o.
e. S, met in regular session last
evening at the Masonic temple. At
this meeting an important communica-
ton was read from the Worthy Matron
of the state chapter which conferred
the honor of grand representative of
the grand chapter of Texas to the grand
chapter of Illinois, on Mrs. E. B. Kreis,
worthy matron of Rock Island. This is
the first time since the organization of
the lodge here that the lodge has been
so honored. The organization con-
venes in Chicago in October.
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1905-07-13
PERSONAL POINTS.

C. w. Cox left today for New York.
Howard Waehle is in Peoria on bust
ness.
Mrs. w. Mauzy and daughter depart
for Bay View, Mich, tomorrow.
]. T. Stafford returned this morning
from=a business trip to the Dakotas
Miss Alice Barr leaves tomorrow for
Bay View, Mich. where she will spend
the summer.
b. d. Smith, general attorney of the
NJ. w. A, is in the city from Mankato.
Mimi. today.
w. G. Peters returned to Minneapo-
lis last evening after a short visit in
Rock Island.
Z. A. Enright, of Kansas City, Kans.,
is in the city on business at the Mod
ern Woodmen office.
Sam Robertson departs tomorrow
for an extended visit in Colorado and
other western states.
p. f. Meany, travelling freight agent
of the Great Northern, was in the city
yesterday from Chicago
Miss Una Taylor, of Maine, who had
been visiting at the home of E. H. Guy
er, departed today for Colorado.
II. Clemann and l.. Salzmann have
returned from a business trip to
Grand Rapids, Mich, and Chicago.
Truman Plantz and son, of Warsaw,
are in Rock Island today, Mr. Plantz
attending a conference of NJ W. A
officials.
Mr.. and Mrs. Lee Shannon, who now
reside in San Antonio, Tex. have re-
turned to Rock Island for a few weeks
visit with relatives.
j. X. Duckworth, travelling freight
agent Of the Tennessee Central, with
headquarters at St Louis. spent the
day in Rock Island yesterday.
E. +. Mason OF Milwaukee is visit
ing Rock Island friends He Is on his
way TO San Francisco where he will
spend the remainder of the summer.
Miss Florence Head leaves this week
for Chicago to join Mr.. and Mrs q.
w Kretsinger with whom she leaves
shortly for an extended sojourn In
Europe.
Mai c. S. Richie, who is successor
TO Maj J. L. Lusk as head of the u. S.
engineers Office in Rock Island, Is
making preparations towards removing
his family to this city for their future
home.
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1905-07-13
KnpIl-Cinade.

"A pretty wedding was celebrated at
the Sacred Heart cathedral in Daven-
port at 8 o'clock yesterday morning,
the bride being Miss Mary Cinade, of
Davenport, and the groom Anthony
Knoll, of this city. Their attendants
were Miss Lizzie Martin and John
Frisch. The ceremony was performed
by Rev. Henry Hogan, Miss Kathryn
Mccormack presiding at the organ. A
wedding breakfast, at the home of the
bride, $40 Mississippi avenue, follow
ed the ceremony The bridal couple
departed for the east last night on a
wedding tour, and will be at home to
their friends after Sept. /. at $40 Mis-
sissippi avenue, Davenport. The bride
is well known and held in high esteem.
She was for several years employed at
Richter's furrier establishment. The
groom is an arsenal emplOye and has
many friends in both cities.
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1905-07-13
Birthday Surprise.

A party of % friends pleasantly sur
prised Mrs. II. Cook, 1905 Eleventh av-
enue, last evening, the event being the
anniversary of her birthday. Progress
sive cinch was INDUCED in and first
prizes won by Miss Josephine Kinsley
and William Beckwith, consolation
prizes being awarded 10 Mrs. Mary
Fischer and A. Sodaro. A beautiful
silver berry spoon was left with the
hostess as a token of esteem
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1905-07-13
VII oraanlze crchestra.

Professor OelschlaegeI, the talented
violinist and instructor at Augustana
college, is making strenuous efforts 10
interest musicians of the tri-cities in
the organization of large orchestra
at the college this fall. His plan is to
give recitals in each of the tri-cities