Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1905-06-09
THE HoLo-uP MAN
Meets tht Great PhiIanthropist at 81.
Peters Gate.

Meets tht Great PhiIanthropist at st.
Peters Gate.
"Well," asked St Peter, "who are
your"
"Don't you know mer' returned the
applicant for admission. Surely my
name must be a household word up
here. l am Hardy Skinner, the great
philanthropist."
"And what did you philanthrope?"
asked the sanity gate keeper.
me? Gracious, / thought you peo-
pie kept set Of books and had every
body's record. Well, I'll tell you.
gave away more than 81, ,OOO, ,O0O-yes,
sir, just gave it to the people by fur
nishing them with art galleries,
libraries, hospitals, colleges and that
sort of thing"
"Well, WELL" said st. Peter, that
was lot Of money to give away.
How much were you worth when you
died?"
"Oh, 1 couldn't tell you exactly, but
I'd estimate it conservatiyely at about
$500, 100000" u
"Whew! And how did you get it?"
How did 1 get it?" replied the spirit
Of Hardy Skinner, rubbing its trans
parent hands together in the old sat
isfed way that had been natural to
him in the flesh, why, got it through
my great ability as captain of in
dustry. 1 got rebates from railroads,
Ui 1of fod hn lo In rncna0f-
able and ingenious ways, forced my
competitors out of business by treduc-
ing my products away below cost
where there was opposition and charg-
ing ten times more than was fair
where there was nobody to buck
against me. But you know that sort
of thing is perfectly legitimate in
business. Yes, you mustn't overlook
that fact. My method, you see, was a
necessary outgrowth Of commercial
expansion. 1t was natural develop
ment due to modern conditions"
''I see. You forced other people to
give up whatever you saw LIT to take
from them and denied them the right
to engage in the kind of business you
We're conductlng.
That's putting it rather rough, 1t
seems to me. Still, we'll admit, for
the sake of the argument, that it was
as you say. Think of the money
gave back! Aha, there's where l fixed
myself up for the glory in heaven,
Ell? Think of man giving $11,OO0,-
| O0O to"
Excuse me a moment" said st.
Peter, "till find out what that spirit
wants. Come, what is it?"
.fPlease let me in, said a repulsive-
looking shape as it approached the
gate.
"Who were you and what did you
do to deserve admittance?"
ST was a hold-up man-but wait
till 1 tell you about it. never robbed
a fellow Of all he had without giving
him back a dime or quarter to get
home with or to secure lodging for
the night"
"What," asked st. Peter, turning
to the spirit of Hardy Skinner, would
you do If you were in my place? Do
you think ought to let him in?"
"Let him in? Certainly not! The
wretch deserves no pity. What did
the return of a quarter amount to
when he had taken away $40 or $50
from somebody who may have had to
work hard to earn 1t? He ought to
roast for 1900 years"
"Good," replied st. Peter, you are
wise Judge, and you have saved me
the necessity OF considering your own
case any further"
sWha-a-at! screamed the spirit of
/ Hardy Skinner, 'You don't mean
| to-"
| But there was a fash and then a
whirring noise as of something heavy
dropping through space, after which
st. Peter turned to hear the pleas of
other applicants.