davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Jasper weekly courier. [volume] (Jasper, Ind.) 1858-1922, 1905-06-16
COURT KNEW THE GAM
And Took Judicial Notes Of the Fins
Points as They Were
Narrated.

Senator Clay, OF Georgia. is looked
upon as one OF the best raconteurs in
the upper house of congress. In negro
dialect stories be is inimitable. says
the Louisville Courier-Journal This
is his latest:
When Judge David Irwin was hold
ing court in Marietta, Ca, a z was
brought before him for smashing the
nose Of a companion while the two
were engaged in a supposedly friendly
game Of cards. There we're a dozen
witnesses who testified that there was
no ~provocation whatever, but that the
prisoner had suddenly leaned over The
table and smashed the nose of the
man opposite, nearly knocking that
organ out OF place.
The belligerent was convicted Of as
sault and battery and sentenced 10 SIX
months Imprisonment. The man had
In the past borne a good reputation
and Judge Irwin had known him Tor
years, and besides the Judge was noted
for his clemency to first offenders. So
he asked the prisoner. when the case
came before him for review. why he
had acted in such a manner
You must have had some reason"
he said. Now tell me all about it, Just
between ourselves"
Deed | did hab some reason,
jedge; deed I did" the negro blurted
out "Jedge. did you eber play seben-
up"
The stern dispenser Of justice de-
clined to answer the question.
Whether l play seven-up or not has
nothing to do with the case he said.
But 'ded It hab, jedge; It hab heaps
to do VIII t." the negro insisted, for
lessen you can play seben-up you CANT
understan' how this yere happened.
You see. jedge. me and hat niger
ober dar was Ylayin' and | dole The
kairds and l turn up de nine-spot OBJ
spades, and I hab in my han the jack
and the ten and the deuce. He beg
and | glib i'm one, an den what you
think dat Niger ODER dar done? lie
lead de ace OBJ spades an | put on my
deuce. Den what you think dat niger
ober dar done? lie lead de king OBJ
spades and | give him a hard look, but
I put on my ten. Den what you think
that emery, low-down, sneakin' Niger
done. jedge? He lead de queen OBJ
spades. / put On my Jack, and den |
just lean ober an smash he's nose
clean often he's face"
When order was restored the judge
solemnly revoked the previous SEN
tence. i think that II the defendant
pays n dollar" he said, "all the re-
quiremenis Of justice which the SOW
erelgn state Of Georgia demands will
be bountifully satisfied"
The Jasper weekly courier. [volume] (Jasper, Ind.) 1858-1922, 1905-06-16

the horse and the horse jumped in the
air and came down kerchunk on an
asphalt pavement, the horse would ex-
plode, and when the rider came down
covered with sausage covers and horse
meat. he would be dead. or would want
TO be. Dad said the anarchists went
into executive session and took up a
collection 70 send a man to Berlin TO
all the emperor's saddle horses with
cut feed like dad suggested.
Well, the anarchist story was too
much for Switzerland. and the next
morning dad was told by a policeman
that he had to get out Of the country
quick. and il didn't take US Is minutes
TO pack up. and here we are In Venice.
Well, say. old friend. this Is the place
where you ought 10 be. because nobody
works here. that is, nobody but gon-
doliers. We have been here several
days, and I have not seen a soul do
ing anything except begging, or sell
ing things that nobody seems to want.
n anybody buys anything but onions.
Il is for curiosity. or fer souvenirs, and
yet the whole population sits around
IN the sun and watches the strangers
from other lands price things and 20
away without buying. and then every
body looks mad. as though they would
like to jab a knife into the stranger.
The plazas and the places near the
canal are filed with hucksters and
hcggars. and you never saw beggars 70
mutilated and sore and disgusting. !
never supposed human beings could
be SO deformed. without taking an az
70 them. and II Is so pitifui to sec
them that you can't help shedding your
money.
AS hard hearted as dad is, he
eoughed up ove $40 the first day. Just
giving 10 beEgars. and he thought he
had got tnem all bought up, and that
they would let him alone. but the next
day when he showed UP there we're ter
beggars where there was one the day
before. and they followed him every.
where, and all the loafers in tho
plazas laughed and acted as II they
would catch the cripples when dad got
out OF sight and rob the beggars. Dac
thinks the way the people live is b,
dividing with beggars. A man who ha.
> deformity. or a sore that you can ses
half n block away. seems to be con
sidarsd rich here, like a mar In hnie.
The Jasper weekly courier. [volume] (Jasper, Ind.) 1858-1922, 1905-06-16

make you irritable; you can't sleep.
you are unable To quietly and calmly
perform your daily tasks or care for
your children.
The relation OF the nerves and gen.
e~rativc organs in women is so close
that nine-tenths of the nervous pros
tration, debility, the blues,
sleeplessncss and nervous %irritabilitv
arise from some arrangement of the
organism which makes her a woman.
Fits OF depression or re~stlessness and
irrit9bility. Spirits easily affected. so
that one minute she laughs. the next
minute weeps. Pain in the ovaries and
between the shoulders. Loss of voice;
nervous dyspepsia. A tendency TO cry
ut the least provocation. All this points
TO nervous prostration.
Nothing will relieve this distressing
condition and prevcnt months Of r
tration and suffering SO surely as Lydia
L. Pinkham's Vegetable Compound.
Mrs. NJ f. Shotwell. OF 103 Flatbush
Avenue, Brooklyn, n. Y, writes:
81 cannot express the wonderful relief I
have experienced by taking Lydia + Pink
hams Vegetable Compound. / suffered for
"a long time with nervous prostration, back
acne, heduhcies loss OF appetite. / could
not sleep and would walk the floor almost
every night.
Il had three doctors and got no better. and
life was a burden. | was advised 70 try
Lydia r. Pinkham's Vegetable Compound.
and IL has worked wonders for me.
IL am a well woman, my nervousness Is all
gone and my friends say l look ten years
younger"
VIII not the volumes Of letters from
women made strong by Lydia L. Pink
hams Vegetable Compound convince
all women of It's virtues? Surely YOU
cannot wish to remain sick and weak
and discouraged, exhausted each day,
when you can be as easily cured a.
other women
The Jasper weekly courier. [volume] (Jasper, Ind.) 1858-1922, 1905-06-16

head out OF water. but nothiag showed
above the water where Garibaldi was
except q red patch on his black pants.
Dad was yelling for help, and finally
the gondolier got his head out OF ito
water. and said something that sound
ed like grinding a butcher knife on a
grindstone, and / yelled, too, and the
~gondolas began 10 gather around us.
and the two men were rescued The
gondol!er had been g~ondoling all his
life and he had never been in the water
before, and they thought it would
strike in and kill him. so they
wrapped him up in blankets and put
him aboard his canoe. and he looked
az me as though / was 10 blame. They
got a boat hook fastened in dads pants
and landed him In the gondola. and he
dripped all the way 20 our hotel. and
he smelled like a fish market.
I asked Garibaldi. on the way 10 thu
hotel, II he was counting his beads
when he was down under the water
with nothing but his pants out Of The
water, and he said You're dam
right but ! don't think he knew the
meaning OF The words. because he prob
ably wouldn't swear in the presence
Of death. Dad just sat and shivered
All the way 70 the hotel. but when we
got TO our room / asked him what his
idea was in jumping overheard right
there before folks. with his best
clothes on. and he said ID was all Carl
baldfs fault, that just as dad was get
ing a good grip on the paddle. the
sondolier heaved a long sigh. and he
onions in his breath paralyzed dad so
he fell overheard.
Then you don't blame your little
boy, do your" SAYS I. and dad looked
az me as he "a hanging his wet shirt
on a chair. Course not. YOU we're
asleep In the cabin. But say. If I ever
hear that you did tip that gondola. q
VIII 20 hard with you" but I lust
looked innocent. and dad went on dry
ing his shirt by a charcoal brazier and
never suspected me But am getting
the worst Of It, for dad and his clothes
smell so much like a clam bake that Il
makes me sick.
Well, old friend. you ought 10 close
up your grocery and come over here
and go to Vesuvius and Pompeii with
US. where We can dry our clothes by
the Volcano. ard dig in the city that
was buried in hot ashes 1000 years
ago. They say YOU can dig up num-
niles there that are dead ringers for
You. old man.
Q. come on. and have fun with ia
Your friend.
HENNERY.
The Jasper weekly courier. [volume] (Jasper, Ind.) 1858-1922, 1905-06-16
WEDDlNC
The Etiquette Of the Occasion Regard
ing Choice Of Guests and Word
ing Of Cards.


Wedding invitations are sent out not
later than 10 days and not earlier than
four weeks before the date set for the
marriage. For a large church wedding
they are usually SEN out 10 all those
whose names appear on the visiting
lists Of the two families concerned.
They are also posted TO relatives and
friends of the bride and groom. who
may be In mourning or travelling
abroad; TO the important business as
sociates OF the groom and those of
the brides father.
The invitation should be engraved
on sheets OF fine white or cream tinted
paper, having 4 smooth surface with
out glaze. The size OF these sheets
varies from year to year. Plain script
is the preferred style OF engraving for
wedding cards. though occasionally
shaded old English type is used, says
the Philadelphia Press.
Two envelopes are used with each
invitation. The first one is not sealed;
on il is written only the name of the
guest for whom 1t is intended. The
second is sealed and stamped, and
bears the complete address of the
person for whom it is intended.
Invitations to a church wedding
should be worded as follows:
Mr.. and Mrs. Henry Bowen
request the honor of your pres
ance at the marriage OF their daugh-
Mary
Mr.. John Sherwood, Jr..
on Monday, the twenty-fourth Of
April. Nineteen Hundred and Five.
at half after twelve o'clock.
Church Of Saint John,
New York.
The word and" or with" is fire.
quently used instead OF to-"
With this invitation should be en-
closed an engraved card Of invitation
70 the reception or breakfast. This
should be of the same size as the en-.
velope. and should be worded as fol-
lows:
Mr.. and Mrs. Henry Bowen request
The pleasure of
company at breakfast on Monday.
the twenty-fourth of April.
at n o'clock.
r. S. V. p. % f. 72d St.
The name Of the person to whom il
is sent is written in ink.
The Jasper weekly courier. [volume] (Jasper, Ind.) 1858-1922, 1905-06-16
SEASONS HEAD-CEAR.
A Hat OF Soft Pastel Green Will Co
Well with Almost Any Costume
of the Summs-.

II you are determined 20 be in the
very height of fashion. at any sacri.
fee. you will perch upon your care
fully conered head a dinky little toque.
such as your grandmother wore dur
ing the civil war days. If you do not
care a rap about fashions DEGREES.
you will resurrect your last summers
shepherdess. or buy a dropping. flop.
ping hat, "a shield your complexion
and shade your eyes.
II you are sensible and conservative,
you Will strike a medium between the
very large hat and the very small. and
feel eminently respectable and salts.
fed with your millinery purchase.
Either extreme, the absurd little
toque or the immense picture hat. is
for the special occasion. not for gem
eral wear. Ii is the privilege OF the
mi OF many hats. and not her sis
ter, who is limited to n Sunday hat
and an everyday piece OF millinery.
The suit hat is a purchase to be
avoided by the woman Of two hats
only, and a more neutral selection
should be made for the hat which is
to be worn with a number of summer
frocks. All-white hats in chip. Milan
and leghorn, TO say nothing OF horse
hair and fancy satin straws. go well
with the new summer silks. voiles and
wash goods. trimmed with a non-com-
initial wreath OF flowers. such as blush
roses. pale wistaria, hops. hyacinths.
jonquils, etc Such a hat can be worn
with almost any frock OF dressy ma.
ture. But the minute one goes into
Towering geraniums or American beau.
ty roses in combination with vivid
greens, the hat is so striking that it
will harmonize with only a small pro-
portion of the summer gowns.
There are beautiful combinations OF
pastel shades, and II a positive green
gown is not counted among the sum
mer possessions, a hat in soft pastel
green, with harmonious and delicate
colorings for trimming. is also a good
purchase.
The Jasper weekly courier. [volume] (Jasper, Ind.) 1858-1922, 1905-06-16

dress clothes and sit on verandas. or
eat and drink, and talk Eyetalian. and
ride in gondolas, and play guitars, and
smoke cigarettes, and talk love II
is so warn you can wear your sum
mer pants. and the water smells OF clans
that died long ago. 1t is just as
though Chicago was flooded by the
bursting OF the sewers. and people had
10 go around State street, and all the
cross streets. and Michigan avenue. in
fishing boats. with three feet OF water
on top Of the pavements Imagine
the people OF Chicago taking ~gondolas
and riding along the streets. landing
at the stores and hotels, just as they
do now from carriages
We had been riding in ~gondolas for
two days. getting aground in the mud
when the tide was out. and going 10
sleep and waiting for the tide to come
in. when II seemed TO me that dad
needed some excitement. and last night
I gave il to him.
We were out In u gondola, and the
moon was shining. and the electric
AAEAAa a NAE AaAAA ANa NAC ANA1AAA0
bridge as light as day. The Rialto
bridge crosses the Grand canal. and
has been the meeting place for lovers
for thousands Of years. II is a grand
structure. OF carved marble. but It
wouldn't hold up a threshing machine
engine half as we'll as an iron bridge.
Well. the canal was filed with thou
sands Of gondolas, loaded with the
flower OF Venetian society. and the
music Just made you want 20 fall in
love Dad said if he didn't fail in love,
or something. before morning. be
would quit the place. 7 made up my
mind he should fall into something. so
began by telling dad It seemed
strange 10 me that nobody but Eye
italians could run a gondoia- Dad said
he could run a gondola as we'll as any
foreigner. and ! told him he couldn't
run a gondola for shucks. and he said
he would show me. so he got out Of
the hen house where we were seated.
and wen back on TO the pointed end
The Jasper weekly courier. [volume] (Jasper, Ind.) 1858-1922, 1905-06-16
About Shaking Hands.

It Is not a wise plan to always offer
ones hand when accepting an intro
duction. but under a great many cir
cumstances 1t is quite proper 70 do so.
A hostess should always extend her
hand. and also rise when accepting an
introduction TO either a man or wo-
man; but If you are not acting as
hostess the correct way in a very for
nal introduction Is for you to make a
slight inclination OF the head. and in a
very gracious, pleasant name men
ton the persons name.
The Jasper weekly courier. [volume] (Jasper, Ind.) 1858-1922, 1905-06-16

Of the gondoia. and grabbed the pole
or paddle from the %gordolier, and said.
Now, Garibaldi, YOU 60 inside tho
pup tent WITH Hennery. and let me
punt this ark around awhile"
Garibalci thought dad was a
but be gave UP the pole. and just then.
when they were both on the extreme
point Of the gondola, and she was
wabbling some, ! peeked out through
the curtains and thought the fruit was
about ripe enough TO pick. SO | threw
myself over to one side OF the gondola.
and, by gosh, II dad and Garibaldi
didn't both 90 overheard with a splash.
and one yell In the English language.
and one in Eyetalian, and | rushed
out OF the cabin and such a sight you
never saw.
Dad retained tue paddle. and had his
The Jasper weekly courier. [volume] (Jasper, Ind.) 1858-1922, 1905-06-16
NAMES BEST DOCTOR
MR.. BAYss0N PUBLISHES RESULTS
OF VALUABLE EXPERIENCE.
A Former Pronounced Dyspe ptic He Now
Lejoiccs in Perfect Freedom from
Miseries OF Indigestion.

Thousands of sufferers know that the
reason why they are irritable aud de-
pressed and nervous and sleepless is be-
cause their food does not digest. but how
10 get rid Of the difficulty is the pnzzlng
question.
Good digestion calls for strong diges-
tive organs. and strength comes from a
supply Of good rich blood. For this
reason Mr.. Baysson took DIR. Williams
Pink Pills for the cure of indigestion.
"They have been my best doctor. he
says. Il was suffering from dyspepsia
The pains in my stomach after meals
were almost unbearable. Ny sleep was
very irregular and my complexion was
sallow. As the result Of using eight
boxes Of DIR. Williams Pink Pills. about
The merits Of which / learned from
friends in France. / have escaped all
these troubles. and am able again TO take
pleasure in eating"
A very simple story, but If it had not
been for DR.. Williams Pink Pills IL
might have been n tragic one. When dis
comfort begins with eating, fills up the
intervals between meals with pain. and
prevents sleep at night, there certainly
oannot DO much pleasure in living. a
dnal general breaking down must DO
merely a question of time.
Mr.. Joseph Baysson is n native OF
AiX-les- Bains, France, but now resides
at No. 2439 Larkin street, San Francisco
Cal. lie is one Of n great number VINO
can testify 10 the remarkable efficacy OF
DR.. Williams Pink Pills in tho treatment
Of obstinate disorders Of tho stomach.
If you would get rid Of nausea, pain or
burning in the stomach, vertigo. ner-
vousncss, insomnia, or any of the other
miscries Of n dyspeptic, get rid OF the
weakness OF the digestive organs by the
use OF DR.. Williams Pink Pills. They
are sold by druggists everywhere.
Proper diet is, Of course, a great aid IN
forwarding recovery once begun, and 9
little book, "What to Eat and How TO
Eat" may be obtained by any one who
makes a request for 1t by writing TO tho
DIR. Williams Medical Co, Schenectady
NY. This valuable diet book contains
an important chapter on the simpless
means for the cure Of constipation.
The Jasper weekly courier. [volume] (Jasper, Ind.) 1858-1922, 1905-06-16
Dad Plays lie Is an Anarchist in
Geneva-In veGiee They Give Aims
and the Bad Boy Upsets a Con
dola in the Grand Canal.

NEN-Governcr az Wisconsin, Formerly Pub
ssher OIL Peck sun. Authvr % Peck
Bad Boy, Etc)
(~opy wright. 1895 py Joseph Is Bow.es)
VENICE. ITALY-MY DEAR OLD
CHUMlRENO Dad couldnt set out oi
Switzerland quick enough after he got
thawed out the day after we climbed
the glaciers. We found that almost al
the tourists in Geneva we're there be-
cause they did not want 10 so home
and say they had not visited Switzerland.
so they just jumped from one place 70
another. The people VINO stay there
any length Of time are like the foreign
residents OF Mexico. who are wanted
for something they have done al
home. that is asainst tho lax There
are mOr anarchists in Geneva than
anything else, and they look hairy and
Wild eyed. and they plot 10 kin kings
and drink beer out Of two quart Jars
When We found that more attention
was paid 10 men suspected OF crime IN
their own countries. and men who were
believed TO be plotting TO assassinate
kings, dad said il would be a good
Joke II a story should get out that he
was suspected Of being connected with
a syndicate that wanted to assassinate
some one. so ! told a fellow that I got
acquainted with that the fussy old man
that tried 70 ride a glazier without
any saddle or stirrup was wanted for
attempting to blow up the president
OF the United States by selling him
haled hay soaked in a solution Of dy-
Mantle and n~itro-glycerins
Say. they will believe anything in
Switzerland. 1t wasn't two hours before
iOng-haired people were inviting dad
20 dinners, and the same night he was
taken TO a den where a lot Of anar-
chists were reveling. and dad reveled
It'll almost morning When he came
back 70 the hotel he said his hosts got
all the money he had with him.
through some game he didn't under
stand. bur he understood it was 70 go
into a fund 70 support deserving anar
chists and dynamiters He said when
they found out he was a suspected as
sassin nothing was too good for him
He said they wanted 10 know how he
expected 70 kill a president by soaking
haled hay IN explosives. and dad said
Il came 70 him suddenly 70 tell them
that the president rode on horseback
a good deal. and be thought II a horse
was filed with haled hay and nitro
eiyrerine and the president spurred
The Jasper weekly courier. [volume] (Jasper, Ind.) 1858-1922, 1905-06-16
The Stark in COR .nerce.

The shark, which Is so abundant in tbs
waters OF Central America, is 10 be
utilized in commercial products. A
company has been formed which con.
verts sharks fms into jelly and timed
soup, makes fine machinery oil from
their llvers, handsome leather equal
TO alligator) from their skins. walking
sticks from their b~ackbones. and nu-
merous articles from their jawbones and
teeth.
The Jasper weekly courier. [volume] (Jasper, Ind.) 1858-1922, 1905-06-16

en-. nalnsook. or fine cloth are all suit
able materials for the foundation. The
design is traced on the foundation by
means OF blue tracing cloth; it is then
run out with soft cotton and worked
over with the same If the foundation -
linen or ~nainsook. or with silk If cloth
IS used. The superfuous material he-
tween the designs is cut away with q
very sharp pair OF scissors.
The Jasper weekly courier. [volume] (Jasper, Ind.) 1858-1922, 1905-06-16

lean who owns stock in great corpora
tons These begsars pay more taxes
than the dukes and things who live in
style.
/ suppose dad never studied geogra-
ply. so he didn't know how Venice was
situated. so he told me 10 so out and
order a hack the first morning We were
here. and We would so and see tie
town. When told dad there were no
hacks. no horses and no roads In
Venice. he said | was crazy in my head
and wanted me TO take some medicine
and stay in bed for a few days, but !
convinced him. when We got out
doors. that everything run by water.
and when / showed him the canal and
the condolas. he remembered all about
Venice. and picked out a gondolier that
looked like one dad saw al the worlds
fair. and we hired him because he
talked English All the English the
gondolier could use we're the words
YOU bet your life" and you're dam
right" but dad took him because IL
seemed so homelike, and We have been
riding in gondolas every day
on tAe water YOU can get away from
the beegars This IS an ideal exist
ence. You just get In the eondola, un-
der a canopy. and the %goniolier does
the work. and you glide along between
buildings ard wonder who lives there
and when they wake up. as al day
long the blinds are closed. and every
body seems 70 be dead. But az nisht.
when .he canals are lighted AMI The
moon Shines. the people Pm. on their
The Jasper weekly courier. [volume] (Jasper, Ind.) 1858-1922, 1905-06-16

Always soften the skin with warm
wet cloths before applying any kind
OF skin food. Cocoa butter is very
inexpensive and effective. Warm IL a
little and apply as you would any other
fat or oil. The massage must be kept
up for at least 10 minutes. rubbing
gently. n the butter Is not all alb
sorbed by that time. remove the sur.
plus by softly patting with . soft,
warm cloth
The Jasper weekly courier. [volume] (Jasper, Ind.) 1858-1922, 1905-06-16

Gladys-I call it an automobile en-
gagement.
Maude-What's an automobile en-
gagement?
"One that starts of all right. but no
body's quite dead sure that il will be
able to keep on going. Life.