davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-11-24

why is that missionary making such
q row. asked the African monarch.
He's complaining" answered the can
nibaI chef, about the manner in which
we draw the color line. w ashington
Star.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-11-24

The Freshman-Our Star halfbsck. Biz
Gouger, broke four toea and sprafned an
ankle in yesterdays game. Gee but the
captain roasted him I'd a turn.
The Bartender-VV hat forI
The Freshman-ROtten Judgment Bin
tried to kick for the stomach, but the guy
ducked and blocked it neatly with his
headi-Puck.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-11-24

ITS. the leading Society paper II tn.
town.
"Oh, distinctly II gets much the high.
est rates for leaving things outi"-Puck
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-11-24

That girl has me where she wants me.
She draws me out and always sees right
through me. And when she's had enough
of me she shuts me up in a hurry
Say. what are you-a telescope ~
Philadelphia Press
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-11-24

Wiclxs-Hear what Suiffkins did when
the collection plate came around to him
in church last Sunday2
Hieks-No. Dropped a button in. sup
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-11-24

Wicks-Not even that. He leaned over
and whispered: Il paid the pastors fare
this morning in the car Wen call it
square Philadelphia Ledger
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-11-24

Nurse-Bridget. come here an see A
French baby born in Dublin.
Bridget-Poor little darlint- It's a great
perpIexity you'u be to yourself. I'm a.
thinkin, when YOU begin shpeaHin' -
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-11-24

This gentleman" said the Judge, de
clares he saw you in his yelrd''
What Me, suh2'' e1clatrue 'Rastus,
with an air of injured inuofense.
*Ahi I thought you'd elttenpt to con
coct an aIibi, by way OF 5defense-''
NO, sub, an didn' cou'coek de alley BY
way of de fence. jes' walk out de gate
Cleveland Leader.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-11-24

Did YOU say your husband was out
looking for work.
NO. I believe he's out looking at work
There are some men digging a cellar
down at the corner and he doesn't seem
bic to get any further p Iiladelphia
Ledger.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-11-24

What a sensitive, delicate thing she
is
Mercy. yes Why, she can't wear a
sailor hat without getting seasick- -
Cleveland Leader.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-11-24

Tommy-Pop, what is procrastinatfon7
TOmTny's POp-PrOcrastinat my son,
is putting off till tomorrow what YOU can
get somebody else to do for you today
Philadelphia Record.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-11-24

strange case that of AIigEsley and HIS
wife. They fell in love with each other
at first sight"
That's nothing new"
But they both had their automobile
rigs on at the time.-Chicago Record
Herald.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-11-24

First Humorist-Does your wife laugh
at your jokes2
Second Humorfst-No. She only smiles
pityingly.-Somerville Journal
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-11-24

If the weather man cannot send a
better brand of weather next Thursday
than he did last Thursday he can con-
slider himself as good as fired.
The Virginia enterprise. [volume] (Virginia, St. Louis County, Minn.) 1893-19??, 1905-09-29

bruises on their heels and corns on.
their toes. smiling, and laughing all
the time. We met people that work
all the time, and never take any recre-
alton except churning and rocking ba-
bies, and yet never have to call doc
tor because there are no doctors eX-
ccpt veterinary surgeons, who care for
dogs and cattle.
The people we met in Holland wear
wooden shoes to teach them patience
and humility. With wooden shoes no
frenzied financier of Holland will ever
travel the fast road of speculation, slip
on bucket shop banana peel, and fall
on the innocent bystander who has
coughed up his savings and given
them to the honest financier to- safely
invest. The bank of Holland is the old
WOODEN stocking, and money never
comes out of the stocking unless there
is string to it, and the string is the
heart-string of an honest people, that
will stand no trifling. If a dishonest
financier came to Holland from any
other country, and did any of his dirty
work, the women of Holland, who nan
die the funds, would give MIN such a
hazing that he would never open his
three-card monte layout in any other
The Virginia enterprise. [volume] (Virginia, St. Louis County, Minn.) 1893-19??, 1905-09-29

to bid what 1T was worth and It has
been taken out Of the market. This
is an old frame. building in West
Washington, or what is better known
as GeorgetoWnx and is said by anti
quarians to be what was once the ia.
nous Suffer tavern. One hundred and
fourteen years ago Suter was host to
General Washington and Mr.. Jeffer-
son at this. old building. The Father
of his Country" often refreshed him
self at Suffers tavern when he: was en-
gagged in. securing for the government
the land that eventually became the
District of Columbia. He spoke very
highly of the food and drink to be OBJ
tanned at the old hostelry.
,Suter was Scotchman and import
ed his whiskey directly from his ma
tive land. He got his rum from ia.
maica and his brandy from the Lon
don docks. In spite of the ascetic
look on Thomas Jefferson's face, the
original democrat was a Judge of good
living and of good liquors. When he
was minister to France he visited the
celebrated wine vineyards of Europe
and selected choice vintages for his
own cellar in America. His tribute
to old Suter was therefore ! worth
something when he said: mo man
on the Atlantic coast cam bring out a
better bottle of Madeira or sherry
than old Suffer-"
The Virginia enterprise. [volume] (Virginia, St. Louis County, Minn.) 1893-19??, 1905-09-29
PAPER MILK BOTTLES NOW
Our Mountain Forests to Furnish
Pulp for the Making of SRecep-
tacles for the Milk Dealer.

Another raid has been organized on
our mountain forests, states the
Brooklyn Eagle. AS if the pulp
mills were not already devastating the
hillsides and drying up our water sup
ply rapidly enough, genius in Phila-
delphia has patented a paper milk bottle,
and has ten machines which can
manufacture 10000 of these bottles each
in day. The paper milk bottle is to be
made from spruce pulp and spruces
grow at the top Of the mountains, the
very sources of our streams. The argu-
ment for the paper milk bottle is that
as each bottle will be used but once the
milk will run less danger of contamina-
ton from germs in glass bottles, which
may or may not be washed clean after
using. No doubt there are chances for
germs in the glass bottles in every day
use, although in comparison with the
lack of cleanliness of the ordinary dair-
les from which milk comes objecting to
the reuse of milk bottles is like the
Scriptural straining at a gnat and swal-
lowing camel. The sides of the paper
milk bottle are to be held together with
glue, and glue has as many possibilities
of Infection as would come from hastily
washed bottles.
The fact is that the Philadelphia man
probably believes that he can make pa
per bottles cheaply enough to replace
the glass ones and that he merely uses
hygienic arguments to bolster up a pus1-
ness proposition. This is the age of pa
per as unmistakable as other ages were
OF bronze or gold. The making use of
paper pulp are being extended contin-
ually and the addition Of milk bottles
would be only one item of increase in the
consumption. AS long as newspapers
continue to grow in popularity new ma
terials for paper will have to be found.
The use of wood pulp has gone far
enough to show the urgent necessity of
far-reaching and effective plan for re-
1orestlng hif1sides stripped to feed pulp
mills.
The Virginia enterprise. [volume] (Virginia, St. Louis County, Minn.) 1893-19??, 1905-09-29
DIDN'T NEED HUSBANDS AID
Mormon Woman Had Already Made
Complete Arrangements
for Glory.

Even after a very slight acquafn-
lance with the average Mormon fam
lily one can see that superstition,
brought to the perfection of fanati-
cism by Brigham Young, binds them
to their church in chains unbreak-
able, writes Marion Bonsall, in the
Housekeeper. 1t binds them in
chain whose links are mysterious cere-
monies and oaths of secrecy with ter
rible threats; temple robes and GER
tain garments never to be removed;
the laying on of hands by Mormon
elders; secret marriages and proxy
baptisms; signs and grips and pass
words, which, if known, will admit
them into the everlasting glory. There
is nothing in Mormonism which 50
forcefully illustrates the cunning of
the priesthood, and its more or less
hypnotic influence over the people.
than the temple service and it's mix
ture Of theatricals, free masonry and
mysticism.
To show something of these charac-
teristics a i story. may be told Of a
Mormon woman of my acquaintance
who was protesting against her hus-
bands taking plural wife, and was
threatened by him that eternal
damnation would be her portion if she
were not obedient to him. II sup
pose," said the woman, "you mean
you will not call me in the resurrec-
ton? Well, remember said she, sit
wasn't you, it was Elder -, who
passed me through the veil. He knows
my new name and he will let me
into glory without your aid" Since
this had been the case and that part
Of the service referred to as passing
through the. veil had been accom-
plished by the woman with another
man, through some little irregularity,
the husband was nonplussed by the
argument and never made that par.
ticular threat again. a..
The Virginia enterprise. [volume] (Virginia, St. Louis County, Minn.) 1893-19??, 1905-09-29

country. 1t is a country where you set
the right change back, and the COWS
give 1S-carat milk, and the hens have
not learned to lay small, cold storage
eggs. 1t is the country for me, if the
women would wear cOrsets, and not be
the same size all the way down, so that
il you Rugged a girl you wouldn't
make dent in her that would not
come out until she got her breath.
And we left such a country and such
people to come here to Cuba, where
the population now comprises the
meanest features of the desperate and
wicked Spaniards, beaten at their own
game of loot, the thickness Of the ma
tive Cuban, flushed with pride because
his big American brother helped him
to drive away the Spaniard that he
could never have gotten rid of alone,
who helped, and only meets him re-
specially because he is afraid of be-
ing thrown into the ocean if he is i'm
pudent, and the worst class of Yankee
grafters and highway robbers that
have ever been allowed to stray away
from the land Of the free. That is
what Cuba is to-day.
Soulless Yankee corporations have
got hold of most of the branches of
business that there is any money in,
and the things that do not pay and
never can be made to pay are for sale
to tenderfeet. The Cuban hates the
Yankee. the Yankee hates the Cuban,
and the Spaniard hates both, and both
hate him. In Havana your hotel,
owned by Cuban, run by a Yankee,
with a Spanish or Portuguese cashier,
will take all the money you bring into
it for bed at night, and hold your
baggage till you can cable for money
to buy breakfast.
1t is a free country" of course, run
by men who will fly high as long as
they can borrow money for some one
else to pay, after they are dead, but
within ten years the taxes will eat the
people so they will be head over heels
in debt to the Yankee and the Span
lard, the German and the Englishman,
the Frenchman and the Italian, and
some day warships will sail into Ha-
vana harbor, over the submerged bones
Of the "Maine," and there will be a
fight for juicy morsels of the Cuban
dead horse, by the congregated buzz
yards of strange navies, or perhaps
they will shake dice for the carcass,
The Virginia enterprise. [volume] (Virginia, St. Louis County, Minn.) 1893-19??, 1905-09-29

vice in editing the daily consular re-
ports which have become so valuable
to. the business world. Our consuls
have developed the writing habit to a
greater extent than formerly and are
encouraged by the state department
to send in reports on all matters of
general business interest as we'll as
the odd and interesting things they
run across in their duties. Maj. Car
son takes these reports and with a
trained mind is able to extract from
them the paragraphs that are of es-
pecial value to American readers. He
has also changed the form of the daily
publication so that it conforms to
some extent with the daily newspaper
in makeup, the arrangement of heads,
subheads, etc. The pamphlet is still
of the mailaol size, Gx9, but it has
been very much improved in typo
graphical appearance and in the read
able character of it's contents.
Some queer bits of news come out
in Maj. Carson's little publication.
News from the uttermost parts of the
earth appears and the land of mythol-
ogy and aacient history is made to
contribute to the daily melange. A
recent contribution came from the far
off land of Mesopotamia, name that
brings up Sunday school days and
scriptural jaw breakers. We are in
formed by the correspondent from
that land of dim history that great i'm
provements are going on there, just
as we might hear of developments in
the wheat country of Canada.
The Virginia enterprise. [volume] (Virginia, St. Louis County, Minn.) 1893-19??, 1905-09-29

and especially of the British royalty
as guest lin their midst" is a SEN
sation that will bring the Newporters
back to their summer haunts. The
time of Prince Louis visit will be
after the regular Newport season
closes, but arrangements are already
being made to reopen some of the
most fashionable and gay houses on
the island. The royal guest will not
want for entertainment and his staff
of naval officers will be given a sam
pie of genuine American hospitality.
Officials of the navy department
will welcome all social attentions
that can be accorded the British sail
or men. They desire to have returned
to the latter some of the courtesies
that have been showered upon Ameri-
can officers abroad. To avoid an en-
barrassing contretemps, the cere-
monies of reinterring the body of
John Paul Jones have been postponed
from this September % to April "a of
next year. The first date had been
selected as it was the anniversary of
the greatest exploit of the intrepid
Jones when he whipped the Scraps
with the Bon Homme Richard. I'm
fortunately this date would fall about
the time Prince Louis visits this coun-
try and it might have been just a lit
tie embarrassing to him to have that
little affair of the revolution recalled.
The date next April is the anniversary
of the captures of the British ship
Drake by Commodore Jones and will
answer just as we'll for the cere.
monies.
The Virginia enterprise. [volume] (Virginia, St. Louis County, Minn.) 1893-19??, 1905-09-29
BY HON GEORGE PECK

BY Hun. GEORGE w. PECK.
<Ex-Governor Of Wisconsin. Former; Ed
itor of Peck's Sun; Author of "Pecks
s. Bad Boy etc.) ts.<.
Copyright 1905. by Joseph B. Bowles.)
Havana, Cuba.-My Dear Old Greas-
er: We stopped in Holland for couple
of days after we left Belgium, and it
was the most disappointing country we
visited on our whole trip. We expected
to be walked on with wooden shoes, and
from what we had heard of that duke
that married Queen Wilhelmina we
thought we were going to country
where men were cruel to their wives,
and swatted them over the head when
things didn't go right, but when we saw
the queen riding with her husband, as
free from ostentation as department
store clerk would rtde;out with his cash
girl wife, and saw happiness beaming on
the face Of the queen and her husband,
and saw them squeeze hands and look
lovingly into each Others eyes, we made
up our minds that you couldn't believe
these newspaper scandals. w.!
And when we saw the broad Shout
N0ACu, ~ Odu-CAcSLSu dLu OlOdu-cVely-
where women of Holland, we concluded
that it would be brave or reckless hus-
band who would be unkind to one OF
them, and mighty dangerous, because
the women are stronger than the men.
and any woman could whip four men at
the drop Of the hat, because she could
take off her wooden shoes and strike out
and man would think he had been hit
by railroad tie.
do not know what makes HOllanders
wear wooden shoes, unless they are sen.
fenced to do it, or that they are unruly
and have to be hobbled to keep them
from jumping fences, but the people are
so good and honest that after you have
met them you forget the vaudeville
feature of their costumes, and love
them, and wish the people of other
countries were as honest as they.
For two or three days we were not
robbed. and l do not believe there is a
The Virginia enterprise. [volume] (Virginia, St. Louis County, Minn.) 1893-19??, 1905-09-29

Yerlles is not bOthering his head
about any such preferment. He is
eminently fitted for the place he now
holds and has made an enviable rec
ord as the head of this most important
bureau in the government service. He
is one of the most affable men in the
public service and it is the delight of
his newspaper friends to gather in his
office in the treasury building and lis
ten to his fund of Kentucky stories
which he-tells in most charming and
effective manner.
Mr.. Yerkes is sKentuckian and no
son of that state, renowned for her
fast horses, beautiful women and 'chiv-
a1rous men, is prOuder of his birth
right. He is a Kentucky republican
of the most aristocratic class and of
the type of Justice John M. Harlan, of
the supreme court, who is known as
Kentucky's grand old man." Mr..
Yerkes is a splendid type of the tall
Kentuckian. He is little over six
feet in height, we'll proportioned and
as straight as pine. He is of ruddy
countenance, has soft brown wavy
hair and a sweeping dark red mus
tache. He attracts attention wherever
he is seen by his carriage and distin-
guished air. He is we'll balanced in
tellectually and has a fine reputation
as a lawyer. ~~' p
The south has been claiming, that
she is entitled to representation in the
cabinet and will not accept Secretary
Bonaparte, of Maryland, as altogether
filling the bill. She wants some one
from the real south and the friends of
Mr.. Yerkes want to know why he will
not meet requirements. President.
Roosevelt has a way of filing cabinet
vacancies himself without much re-
gard to what friends of available tim.
Der may say, and he has given no in
timation that Mr.. Yerkess has been i'm.
his mind for q place at his council
table. 81 s .1-ss,:. >s rs. 81
The Virginia enterprise. [volume] (Virginia, St. Louis County, Minn.) 1893-19??, 1905-09-29

nave received the most enthusiastic
receptions in other parts of the coun-
try nave met with only Chautauqua
salute in the national capital. The
cause of this seeming indifference I'M
doubtedly lies in the fact that great
men are as common in Washington
as blackberries.
Despite this apathetic dir the peo-
pie OF Washington propose to wake
up and show the country that they
are not Indifferent to their own dis
tlngulshed citizens, among whom they
always claim the president of the
United States. They now propose to
give Mr.. Roosevelt fitting reception
upon his return. to the capital on
september 80. They do not intend
to have the garish display that other
cities might get up for such an &C.
casion, but the<plan is to have the
citizens assemble by the thousand
along Pennsylvania avenue from the
railroad station to the white house
and applaud the president as the lat
ter drives from the train to his Of
fetal home. There will be no mill
tary display and no firing of cannon,
but just such reception as the rech-
earche populace of this ultra conserva-
tive town might be expected to give
The Chautauqua salute was frst dis
cussed, but compromise has been
sugg ested which is likely to be adopt
ed and that Is to use small American
flags instead of handkerchiefs in way
ing the salute.
There will be no speeches at this
reception much to the regret of the
honorable commissioners who are gift
ed in this line. 1t is remembered That
two years ago when a similar demon
stration was gotten up to welcome
the president home from a western
tour, the official orators drew up be-
fore the executive as he alrghted and
prepared to deliver a formal speech
of welcome. Mr.. ., Roosevelt waved
them aside, sprang into his carriage
and at once entered upon the drive to
the white house. There will be no
wasted efforts on oratory this time.
The Virginia enterprise. [volume] (Virginia, St. Louis County, Minn.) 1893-19??, 1905-09-29
HOW CAR I. WAS i TTooED
q Japanese Artist Of Hong Kong.
Pricked Pictures Into Russian
: Emperor's Skin. ~, zs5zs.

= A young American artist and the en-
peror Of Russia have both been tattoo
ed at Hongkong and the tattooer was
Japanese. /. r. s4zzzS IT. .
His name is Mona. y, He has a studio
in Hongkong, near the harbor, where
he receives calls. from visitors Of all
nauonalities. He is SO popular that It
is necessary to make appointments
days or weeks in advance. He is really
an artist and represents the third or
fourth generation of his family in this
profession At present, however, with
their increasing civilization, tattooing
has been forbidden in Japan and Mona
has set up his studio in Hongkong.
The car is not the only member of
royalty who has been a patron of this
artist. ls:G
II have had the honor of tattooing
his royal highness the duke of York,
also his imperial majesty the emperor
of Russia" said Mona. = q.
+ For their own use in tattOoing the
Japanese have the same designs that
are found on their china, and a Japan
csc whose entire body has been TATTOO
ed looks like beautiful statue of fine
porcelain. It's not an unusual thing
for royalty to be tattooed. The present
king Of England has an anchor tattoo
ed upon his arm. It was done some
years ago while, as prince of Wales, he
was visiting Jerusalem.
Pilgrims to Loretto have the image
Of "Our Lady of Loretto'' tattooed by
the sacristan of the church for three.
fourths of a Ira. and a Ira is only
1872 cents in United States money: The
arm is the most usual place for these
marks. The car was tattooed upon
his. left arm. Other illustrious individ-
uals who have been decorated were an
English prince who had the Goddess
of Night" painted with needles upon
his back, and peer of the realm who
had his coat or. arms upon his fore
arm.
An army officer invested 5000 in hav-
Ing the upper part of his body tattoo
ed. 1t was Japanese who tattOoed a
small lizard upon the forehead of
man with such skill that it was said
the flies Stunned his vicinity. Mona is
a quick worker, but 1t takes three hours
to complete small serpent and for
larger designs there must be several
sittings. The first sitting is not IN
pleasant, but second or third treat
ment, when the flesh is raw and in
famed, is very painful. The design is
first done in water colors by quick free
hand. The coarser lines are done with
style and the finer with an instru-
ment having several needle points.
When the design is completed it is
brilliant and almost startling in ap-
Dearance.
Japanese artist charges a little
more than: one dollar an hour for his
work.