davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Brookings register. [volume] (Brookings, Brookings County, S.D.) 1903-1971, 1905-08-17
A Battle of Wits.

Tom Sheridan and his father had
many a passage of wit. One night, as
they were supping together, just when
Tom expected to get into parliament,
the latter remarked:
II think, father, that many men who
are thought to be great patriots in the
house Of commons are great hum
bugs. For my own part, if l get into
parliament | will pledge myself to nc
party. but write upon my forehead
in legible characters TO be let"
And under that, Tom," replied the
elder Sheridan, write 'Unfurnished.'
Tom took the joke, but soon repaid
1t.
Mr.. Sheridan, senior, had a cottage
bordering on HounslOw Heath. Ton
one day asked his father for a supply
of cash.
Money l have none," was the re
ply.
But money. L must have" said Tom
III that be the case" said the at
fectionate parent, you will find a case
of loaded pistols upstairs and a horse
ready saddled in the stables. The
night is dark and you are within hall
a mile Of Hounslow Heath"
81 understand what you mean" said
Tom, but | tried that last night.
unluckily stopped Peake, your treas
urer. who told me that you had beer
beforehand with him, and had robbed
him of every sixpence in the world
The Brookings register. [volume] (Brookings, Brookings County, S.D.) 1903-1971, 1905-08-17
HEART RIGHT
When He Quit Coffee.

Life Insurance Companies will not
insure a man suffering from heart
trouble. The reason is obvious.
This is a serious matter to the hus.
band or. father who is solicitous for
the future of his dear ones Often
the heart trouble is caused by an III
expected thing and can be corrected
# taken in time and properly treated.
A man in Colorado writes:
81 was a great coffee drinker for
many years, and was not aware Of the
injurious effects of the habit till l be.
came a practical invalid, suffering
from heart trouble, indigestion and
nervousness to an extent that made
me wretchedly miserable myself and
a nuisance to those who witnessed my
sufferings.
81 continued to drink Coffee, how.
ever. not suspecting that it was the
cause of my %ill-health, till, on applying
for life insurance | was rejected on
account of the trouble with my heart
Then I became alarmed. | found that
leaving off coffee helped me quickly
so l quit 1t altogether and having
been attracted by the advertisements
of Postum Food Coffee began it's use.
"The change in my condition was
remarkable, and it was not long till
I was completely cured. All my all
ments vanished. My digestion was
completely restored, my nervousness
disappeared, and, most important OF
all, my heart steadied down and be.
came normal, and on a second exami.
nation | was accepted by the life in.
surance Co. Quitting Coffee and us.
ing Postum worked the cure" Name
given by Postum Co., Battle Creek,
Mich.
There's a reason, and 1t Is explained
In the little book, "The Road to Well
ville," In each pkg.
The Brookings register. [volume] (Brookings, Brookings County, S.D.) 1903-1971, 1905-08-17
try TO mIsLEAp DOCTORS.

Too Many Patients Refuse to Speak
the Truth az to Their Ailments.
It vas late, the doctors patients
had either passed away or were mend
ing, and he was sitting with a num-
Der of his acq~uaintances In q corner
Of the clubroom.
"It,s a strenuous life we lead"
droned the man Of medicine, with
the grim side turned uppermost as a
rule, but now and then we get a
laugh out Of it-a laugh with the lid
on, of course; we can't afford to show
we're amused. I often wonder" he
went on, g~enially, "why some of you
chaps ever send for a physician. You
don't tell him the truth once in twen-
ty times. You're in a bad way and
you're sorry, and to hear you talk
I'd think your mouths were cold stor-
age boxes for butter. You suspect that
lobster or a rich you ate the
day before yesterday is at the bottom
Of the trouble. You know what's
curled up in you and you're fright
ened out Of a years growth for fear
I'll learn.
Accordingly, instead of taking me
into your confidence you tell me an
impossible story. And if I cross-exam-
inc you closely and hedge you in you'll
reluctantly admit that you've been
somewhat indiscreet. You smoked
four cigars Thursday and took six
drinks. Doesn't it ever occur to you
that I know by your flutters that you
smoked from breakfast to bed and
took sixteen drinks and six more for
good measure?
III I were to believe you and dose
you for your ailment as you describe
it you'd never get well. Now and
then I have to give you s%trychnine
and nitro-glycerine to restore the &C.
ton Of the heart and to listen to you
/ might conclude that you'd had too
much pink ice at a children's party.
"As I limited, we doctors get some
fun out of you, but what do you do
it for? We were not always doctors,
we haven't always taken the best care
of ourselves and we're not FOOLS"
The Brookings register. [volume] (Brookings, Brookings County, S.D.) 1903-1971, 1905-08-17
Doctor Brigham says
MANY PHYSICIANS PRESCRIBE
lydia Il. PinkhamIS
Vegetable Compound

The wonderful power of Lydia e.
Pinkham's Vegetable Compound over
the diseases Of womankind is not be.
cause it is a stimulant, not because il
is a palliative. but simply because it is
the most wonderful tonic and recon-
structor ever discovered to act directly
upon the g~enerative organs, positively
curing disease and restoring health and
vigor. --s
Marvellous cures are reported from
all parts of the country by women who
have been cured, trained nurses who
AVE witnessed cures and physicians
who have recognized che virtue of
Lydia E. Pinkham's Vegetable Com
pound, and are fair enough to give
credit where it is due.
If physicians dared to be frank and
open, hundreds of themwould a.knowl-
edge that they constantly prescribe
Lydia =. Pinkham's Vegetable Com
pound in severe cases of female ills, as
they know by experience it can be re-
lied upon to effect a cure. The follow.
ing letter proves it.
DR.. s. G. Brigham, Of 4 Brigham
Park. Fitchburg, Mass, writes:
ut give me great pleasure to say that I
have found Lydia E.. Pinkham's Vegetable
SoLupOunu very eIIlcaclOuS, and often pro.
scribe 1t in my practice for female difficulties,
MY Oldest daughter found it very beneh-
cial for uterine trouble SOME time ago, and nv
youngest daughter is now taking L for a fe-
male weakness, and is surely gaining in health
and strength.
81 freely advocate 1t as a most reliable spe-
cfdc in all diseases to which women are sub.
jet, and give it honest endorsement"
Women who are troubled with pain.
full or irregular m~enstruation, bloatinp
Tor f~atulence), leucorrhaa, falling. in
fammation DR. liberation of the uterus,
ovarian troubles, that bearing-down
feeling, dizziness. faintness, indiges-
ton. nervous proGtration or the blues,
should take immediate action to ward
of the serious consequences and be
restored to perfect health and strength
by taking Lydia E. Pinkham's Vegeta-
BILE Compound, and then write to Mrs.
Pinkham, at Lynn. Mass, for further
free advice. No living person has had
the benefit of a wider experience in
treating female ills. She has guided
thousands to health. Every suffering
woman should ask for and follow her
advice II she wants to be strong and
we'll.
The Brookings register. [volume] (Brookings, Brookings County, S.D.) 1903-1971, 1905-08-17
its contents and the girl at tn. same

its contents and the girl at the same
time"
eft is difficult"
Difficulties may be surmounted.
The greatest difficulties in our way
will be prying servants. A little gold
well used will do much"
But how much money are you will
ing to have me use?" asked Mutter-
ELI. "You say you don't ARE how
much I use. But l don't know what
you really a 1t might require
ten thousand lire"
I figured for a moment. A Ira is
about twenty cents in Jul money. I
also studied Mutterelli. I knew that
he could be depended upon if the
price were sufficiently high. And l
was determined to succeed at any
cost.
"Ill tell you what I will do. Nut
terelli," I said. You have heard
what I want done. Now, if o bring
ali those things to pass successfully,
I will pay you twenty-five thousand
lire. You may use what portion of
it you like in bringing the plans to
a successful termination, and keep the
rest"
twenty-five thousand lire?" he
gasped. "Signor, it is a fortune in
Italy,"
ut will be yours the day you enable
me to do what I have said"
"Signor, it shall be DONE" said Nut
terelli, lighting another cigarette, a
pleased smile playing over his fea-
lures. "One can do much in Sardinia
with twenty-five thousand lire"
Thinking that I had already made
a good beginning in securing the
services of so valuable a man as Nut
t~erelli, and in getting him enlisted in
my service against Maligni, I followed
him to the dining-room where a
smiling and sycophantic host made
things very comfortable, and, like all
his class throughout Europe, devoted
his entire attention for the time to
worming some good money from my
pocket into his.
The Brookings register. [volume] (Brookings, Brookings County, S.D.) 1903-1971, 1905-08-17
Tried by His Peers.

A West Virginia lawyer was trying
a case before the jury, being counsel
for the prisoner, a man charged with
distilling mountain dew" The Judge
was very hard on him, and the jury
brought in a verdict of guilty" The
lawyer then moved for a new trial.
The Judge denied the motion, and
remarked:
1.-THE jury and court think the pris-
oner both a fool and a knave."
After a moments silence the lawyer
answered:
"The prisoner wishes me to say that.
he is perfectly satisfied he has been
tried by his peers"
The Brookings register. [volume] (Brookings, Brookings County, S.D.) 1903-1971, 1905-08-17
Harvard's President Appreciated.

VVdi Soto EiSosoSUS NPPtSStdSSos
Some years ago a physician was
summoned in haste to attend a patient
at n. On arriving at the island,
and inquiring for a conveyance to the
house he wished to visit, he was di.
rected to a farmhouse. Here the doc.
tor found a man, whom he requested
to harness a horse, at the same time,
in the interest of his patient, desir.
ing him to be lively.
The man pleasantly and promptly
complied, harnessed the horse, and
was speedily driving over the road at
a good rate. The doctor discussed
farming, and was struck with the gen.
eral information and conversational
powers of the driver. On arriving at
the house half a dollar was rendered
the man, but 1t was politely declined,
What is the name of your intelli.
gent farmer?" asked the doctor, after
he had finished his professional visit
What, the gentleman who brought
you to the house? That was Presi
dent Eliot of Harvard"
The Brookings register. [volume] (Brookings, Brookings County, S.D.) 1903-1971, 1905-08-17
Devised for Sunday School Children
by italian Socialists.

Devised for Sunday School Children
by italian Socialists.
The city of Reggie Emilia, whose
administration has passed into the
control of Socialists, has adopted the
following ten commandments for
school children to memorize:
Love thy schoolmates. for they
will be thy co-workers for life.
Love knowledge, the bread Of in
tellect. Cherish the same gratitude
toward thy teachers as toward thy
father and mother.
Make every day thou Invest the
occasion for some good and beneficial
deed; always SOW the seeds Of kind.
ness.
Honor good men and true women,
esteem all men as equals, bend thy
knee to no me-.
do not bear hatred to anybody;
don't insult people. The word re-
venge shall not be in thy vocabulary,
but stand up for thy rights and resist
oppression.
Don't be a coward; stand by the
weak and respect and love Justice.
Remember that all goods of this
world are the products Of labor.
Whoever takes the good things of this
world without giving their equivalent
in labor robs the diligent Of their
just dues.
Exercise thy mind; observe and
think and try to ascertain the truth Of
all things. Believe in nothing mys.
FERROUS, in nothing unreasonable; use
no deception either toward thyself or
others.
do not assume that to be patriotic
one must hate other nations or glory
in war. War is a relic of barbarism.
LET it be thy purpose in life to
hasten the day when all men, as free
citizens of a free state, live in peace
and happiness, in true brotherhood"
The Brookings register. [volume] (Brookings, Brookings County, S.D.) 1903-1971, 1905-08-17
Three Strikes-Out.

A professor in a certain college was
giving his students a lecture on "Scot'
land and the Scots" These hardy
men," he said, think nothing of swim
ming across the Tay three times every
morning before breakfast"
Suddenly a burst of laughter came
from the center of the hall. and the
professor, amazed at any one daring
to interrupt him in the middle of his
discourse, angrily asked the offender
what he meant by such unruly con.
duct.
81 was just thinking. sir" replied
the student who laughed, "how the
poor Scots would get their clothes af'
ter making the third trip across"
The Brookings register. [volume] (Brookings, Brookings County, S.D.) 1903-1971, 1905-08-17
BY ECZEMA.

Body Mass Of sores-couId Not Sleep
Spent Hundreds Of Dollars on
Doctors, but Grew Worse
Cured by cuticura for So.
"Cuticura saved the life Of mN
mother, Mrs. VIM. F. Davis, of Stony
Creek, Conn. Hers was the worst
eczema I ever saw. She was hardly
able to eat or sleep. Her head and
body was a mass of sores, and she de-
SPARED Of recovery. Finally, after
spending hundreds Of dollars on doc
tors, growing worse all the time, liv-
ing in misery for years, with hair
whitened from suffering and body ter
ribly dishgured, she was completely
cured by two cakes Of Cuticura Soap.
five boxes of Cuticura, and three bot
ties of Cuticura Resolvent.-Geo. G.
Davis, 161 w. seth ST., N. Y"
The Brookings register. [volume] (Brookings, Brookings County, S.D.) 1903-1971, 1905-08-17
Such Is Life.

Time 1S50-Barefoot Boy (solus)-
Gee! I { only jest wisht / was a million
aire wunst!
Time 1905-Millionaire formerly
Barefoot Boy)-Td give my millions IL
l was a barefooted boy again!
The Brookings register. [volume] (Brookings, Brookings County, S.D.) 1903-1971, 1905-08-17
Poet and Fool,

This story of Alexis Piron, the
French poet and epigrammatist, is
told by the writer of French Mep Of
Letters"
Piron was unfortunate enough to be
arrested n night by a Waterman in
the streets of Paris, and was taken the
following morning before the lieuten.
ant Of police, who haughtily interro
gated him concerning his business OF
profession.
g" am a poet" was the reply.
ooh, no! a poet, are you?" said the
official. II have a brother who is Q
poet"
"Then we are quits" rejoined Piron
"for I have q brother who Is a fool
The Brookings register. [volume] (Brookings, Brookings County, S.D.) 1903-1971, 1905-08-17
OF Doubtful Voice.

Hostess-Mr. Sinnick, can't you in
duce Miss Screechly. over yonder, to
oblige us with a song?
Sinnick-I can, but I'm afraid that
after you've hear her you won't think
she's obliged you.
The Brookings register. [volume] (Brookings, Brookings County, S.D.) 1903-1971, 1905-08-17
Takino IN the Coin.

Talking about Inventions" said the
business man, 81 have a little machine
In my place that would make me a
millionaire if l could only keep it go
ing all the time"
What is it,"
"a cash register"
The Brookings register. [volume] (Brookings, Brookings County, S.D.) 1903-1971, 1905-08-17
CHAPTER VII.

ing. He had quietly informed me
that he would be gone all night, and
intimated that he might have some
thing to tell me in the morning. l did
not like the new aspect of affairs
since I had learned that Maligni's
brother was the prefetto. But / was
not daunted. l had come so far, and
nothing would deter me from pushing
my plans to a successful termination
or utter defeat.
With this determination l went to
bed.
In the morning I had my breakfast,
and, strolling out on the broad piazza,
met Mutterelli coming up the steps.
"Ah, signor, good morning." he said,
smiling.
Good morning, Mutterelli," | re-
turned. Did you enjoy a pleasant
EVENING""
He looked at me in a significant
way, and led me to a far corner of the
piazza, where, in the seclusion af-
forded by huge pillars and matted
vines, we could talk without moles-
tation.
81 spent a very pleasant evening,
signor," he said, his voice low and
full Of meaning. Il have learned
something"
And what have you learned?" l
asked, eager for news of any kind.
"Pacho Maligni is o in his broth
er's house-the guest of the prefetto.
Nita Barlotti is there also, and is, to
a great extent, kept a prisoner"
"Of course, I could have told you
that" I answered. "He would not
give her a chance to escape"
And preparations are being made
at the villa for a great event, signor,"
said Mutterelli.
"Ah! What is it,"
Tomorrow the wedding of Nita
Barlotti and Pacho Maligni is to take
place."
Tomorrow"
Tomorrow. The %closeness of the
time is evident in the great pleasure
to be see in Maligni's face, and the
great sorrow to be seen in Nita Bar
lotti's. She does not love him, sig
nor"
Love him! No, she loathes, hates
and fears him. But this wedding
must not be allowed to take place,
Mu%tterelli."
My guide shrugged his shoulders.
How will you prevent it, signor?
1t is in the prefetto's house."
"Prefetto Dr. no prefetto, that we'd
ding shall never take place. l must
see Nita to-day"
Tonight. l have arranged"
You know the ground. Could it
be made possible for Nita to escape
and to accompany us away from the
grounds?"
Yes, signor - accompany you.
While you are talking to the signo-
rina I will not be seen by you. l will
not be Mutterelli, your guide, then.
You understand, signor?"
You will visit the villa In disguise,
and carry out your plans-and mine
under Maligni's own roof?"
That is it, signor."
I grasped his hand.
You are q true friend, Mutterelli,"
I said. ut is gratifying to find a man
so ready to assist who Is willing to
face the danger, and also able to plan
the affair. thank YOU"
Mutterelli laughed.
"You have yourself named the
price, signor," he said.
is there anything to be done to-
day." I asked. II ought, perhaps, to
take a look at the place and get my
bearings in daylight"
True, signor. I have arranged. We
will start at noon"
After dinner we stepped out on the
piazza. A closed carriage, drawn
by two small but sturdy Spanish
horses, stood at the curb.
Come" said Mutterelli; ut is
ours"
He spoke a few words to the driver,
and opened the door for. me to enter.
afopnAd fuaidA TIA sla-->A <h>
The Brookings register. [volume] (Brookings, Brookings County, S.D.) 1903-1971, 1905-08-17
A Has-B

Fogg-I heard a pretty compliment
paid you the other day.
Mrs. Passey-Indeed! May l ask
what it was?
Fogg-I heard some one say how
pretty you used to be.
Mrs. Passey-Used to be! Do you
call that a compliment? l call it an
obituary notice.
The Brookings register. [volume] (Brookings, Brookings County, S.D.) 1903-1971, 1905-08-17
\ friend Of the'hoino>
4 foe Of the Truot
Calumet
Baking f,
Powder
with the Pure Food Lave
Of all 6tatee.
Fell Down.

"I'd be willing to work for a meal O.
y~ictuals, nla'am," said Eaton Jogalong,
on'y I amt strong enough. I've been
sunstruck."
"Sunstruck?" echoed the woman in
the kitchen door. what we're you
doing when that happened?"
81 was workin' outdoors in de blaz-
in SUM-"
Here his imagination failed him, and
he Numbered.
IT was cuttin' ice, ma'em," he said.
The Brookings register. [volume] (Brookings, Brookings County, S.D.) 1903-1971, 1905-08-17
HAPPENED to Think of Ono.

Tommy (who has been looking We
the real estate advertisements)-Paw.
Is there such a thing as an undesir-
able vacant lot?
Mr.. Tucker-Centainly, Tommy
the front row at a comic opera.
The Brookings register. [volume] (Brookings, Brookings County, S.D.) 1903-1971, 1905-08-17
Components Of Fresh Air.

Fresh air contains about three
parts Of ~carbonio acid in 10000, re-
spired air about al parts. and about
i've parts will cause the air Of Q room
to become "closAs
The Brookings register. [volume] (Brookings, Brookings County, S.D.) 1903-1971, 1905-08-17

II water sold for ten cents a glass
It would be more popular with soms
men.
The Brookings register. [volume] (Brookings, Brookings County, S.D.) 1903-1971, 1905-08-17
THE NEW TEN COMMANDMENTS.

(To be c%ontinued.)
The weekly Iberian. (New Iberia, La.) 1894-1946, 1905-04-29

1t is announced that Mr.. w. j..
Berwick will retire from the posi-
ton of manager of the Water
works and Electric light plant on
the first prox.. in order to accept
q promile position iu a new
bank at Iecompte. La. THIS posi-
ton has been open 10 Mr.. Rer
wick for some months. His de
parture will be regretted by all
the patrons Of plant, as he made
. most efficient, prompt aud cour.
teOus manager. The Iberian
wishes him every success in his
new field Of labor.
1t is, also, announced that the
board of commissioners of the
plant has rendered the position
vacated Mr.. Berwick to Mr.. Jules
E. Dupuy.
The weekly Iberian. (New Iberia, La.) 1894-1946, 1905-04-29

We are indebted to COmmls
sioner j. G. Lee for y copy Of the
Annual Report of the Louisiana
State Board Of Agriculture for
1904. In this report Iberia par
ish is accredited with having a
superhne area of 900, 6SS acres, of
which $4,000 are in cultivation,
100, 900 in timbered lands, and
5,GSS are in pastures, marsh and
meadows. Iberia has 100 manu-
featuring and mechanical indus.
tries with SIS, 100000 of capital in
vested; also, Is irrigating plants
costing 1850, 900. A remarkable
showing Of this report is the fea
ture that Orleans with $65. 900,
and st Mary with IS, 100000 IN.
vested in manufacturing indus.
tries, are the only two parishes Of
the State ahead of iberia. There
are many other very interesting
and instructive features in the
report.
The weekly Iberian. (New Iberia, La.) 1894-1946, 1905-04-29
Broussard Against Blanchard.

If common report is true, Gov
Blanchard stuck his fingers in the
municipal contest at New iberia
and got them burnt. The hottest
town election in twenty five years
was held there last Tuesday, and
the anti administration ticket
headed by G. Clifford Laughlin
for mayor was elected by a ma
jority of 81 in a total vote of 500
The sheriff of the parish. who Is
regarded as the "lOcal lieutenant
governor" led the fight for the
defeated Dupuy ticket, while Con
gresham K. +. BrOussard, be
tween whom and Gov Blanchard
little love is lost, took an active
part in behalf of the opposition
and proved a prime factor IN its
success. Broussard supported
Jastremski in the Democratic
primary that proceeded last years
state election, and can't be count
cd on to favor the return Of New
ton ClOakrOOm Blanchard to the
United States senate, hence the
reported desire of the admlnistra
ton 10 have the too independent
congressman discredited in BIZ
own town. The plan mlscarritd
however. and it may he expected
that Blanchard stock will hence
forth he ut a lower ebb than ever
in the Attakapas regiOn.-DOnaId
sOnville Chief.
The weekly Iberian. (New Iberia, La.) 1894-1946, 1905-04-29
Letter to I A. MAR Tin.
New iberia, La,

Dear Sir: The way to buy paint
is to go by the name. There is
a name never seen on sham paint
OF weak pant or short measure
paint: Devoe.
There are a hundred different
names in paint. Some are sham;
some weak; some short measure;
and some all three.
If there is another such paint
as Devoe lead Land zine, We don't
know it. There are few fairly
good paints; a few; only one de
voc. A gallon DevOe is worth a
gallon and IL half of those few.
Mr.. Aaron Higgins, of Plainheld,
N. J. always used Is gallons Of
mixed paint for his house Last
spring he bought Is gallons OF
Devoe and had 4 gallons left.
Yours truly,
F.-W. DEvOF & Co.