The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-06-26
HUMoR OF TIE DAY

/ 4VMUR Or TIE DAY
Euclid was laying down the axiom that
Two parallel lines can never meet.
That doesn't matter smiled the inan-
cial magnate, you can merge them"
herewith the mathematician sadly turn
ed to the multiplication table for sonsola=
tion.-Puck.
esg hoy " long tPs did l the hero hang over the
Two hours"
Was he all right when rescued?"
. Oh yes. Said it wasn't much worse
than ride to Harlem. Life.
Il wouldn't give such stuff as that to a
dog" said the deacon as he set down his
And he told the truth, for when Cousin
Sarah went out Of the room he took the
pains to drink the stuff himself, so as 10
prevent the possibility Of any dog getting
at it.-Boston Transcript.
Why doesn't he conner" the maiden
20 love, you are late, YOU are slowl'
But three hours later her fond heart cried
Ny goodness! Why doesn't he go2''
Cleveland Leader.
Brown-say, old man, did you notice the
sign IN front Of the store on Grand avenue
which reads: All the Latest Shapes?
Srnithers (eagerly)-No; where is it? III
hustle right I'D there and
BTOWn-Oh, don't hurry. It's only in
front Of hat store.-Adilwaukee Sentinel.
This lifes a game Of chance they say;
The saws more sad than witty.
The public gathers round to play,
The trust controls the kitty
Washington Star
she-No. I never will marry any man
until he proves his bravery by some act,
Of course.
He-Haven't smoked thousands Of ci-
eaTnffpz 2-CEbfra News
Did you ever visit a crematory2" ask
No answered Mrs. Nuritch, IT amt
interested in EN-. A lady from the coun-
try always supplies US with milk an but
Corby-He's one Of those honorable gem
tlemen who have two codes Of morals,
Jenkins-Three; one for his business one
for his home and one for his automobile
she--Now, remember you have bet me a
box of gloves, and if I win you must buy
me just the kind I want
He-Yes, but IF VIM
Shelf you win you have the privilege OF
buying me cheaper sort, if you are mean
enough to do it.-Judy.
''How's business, old man?" queried the
wen, . answered the village undertaken,
the death rate isn't what it ought to be-"
50 @F~Ho-
Tim-snarlup is always kicking on his
Pat-wen. he does have pretty tough
luck, but there's one thing he foTgets.
Tin-What's that?
PATHS q good deal better than he de-
serves!-Detroit, Free Press.
You know Bradshaw, don't your
Jim Bradshaw? Yes"
His father. who died not long ago. pro-
vided in his will that Jim was to be cut
off with $3.50 unless he and his wife sepa-
rated. In case they got divorced Jim was
to inherit half a million. I understand
that the lady has decided to apply for q
legal separation, so that he may get the
"By George. the luck of some people Is
marvellous If that fellow fell into a vat
of boiling oil I'll bet it would at once turn
into the fountain of youth. ''-Chicago Rec
ord-Herald
Major Rippah-You can lead q, horse to
water, sub, but you can't make him drink.
Colonel Cyatah-1es. sun: I2 nat IS the
reason bosses. are SO popular IN Ke7:tucky,
sub. A noble and sagacious animal
Cleveland Leader.
q" I am saddest when I sing ?" she quot
ed we must then, he replied, be kim
dred spirits. So am L But her father
refused to repent when she insisted that
he had insuited her."-Chicago Record
Herald.
Some of the saleswomen in that big
department store look pretty, don't theyf
Il don't know"
DO you mean to say you never noticed
how they look2'
''Oh yes. I've noticed that they invaria-
bly, look in the opposite direction when
want them to wait on me- ''-Philadelphia
Press.
Tess-I actually believe some man is
calling upon Miss Passay.
Jess-The idea! What makes you think
Tess-1 notice that instead of fastening
her belt with ordinary pins as she used to
she's now using safety pins--Phila delphia
Press.
What was it that prevented the duel
this morning? Did one of the principals
NO; but they forgot the cinemato-
graph" - Translated for Tales from Gil
Bias.