Virginia citizen. (Irvington, Va.) 1891-1921, 1905-02-03
EULOGY ON MR.. "BUMv AND HIS
MR.. "HUM.,

ve Ptetty naru on this poor devil,
the "driDk habit" and somebody '
ought to defend him, or he is very
likely to be "kilt;" so let this bard
come to his rescue-it will help him
a little anyhow, perhapsl
Arise. ye pimpled, tipplius race, arisel
From every town and village tavern
come;
Show your red noses aud OVERLOOKING
eyes
And help your poet to chant the praise
OF rum
The cordial drop, the morning dram ]
sing,
The mid day toddy and theeveniug sling.
Hall, "strong drinkr and by this general
name
cal each whiskey, gin or
brandy;
The kinds are various but the effect the
same,
And so 1 chose name that's short and
handy;
For reader. know-it takes a deal of time
To make crooked word lie smoothe in
rhyme.
Hail. "sirong drink p thy song inspiring
Is known to many q bard In these, our
days;
Appollo's drink they find is void OF
spirit,
Mere chicken BROTH" insipid as their
lays,
And, pleased, they'd give rivulet, aye
or fearful water for enc drink Of thee.
Hail, "schei.dsm shnapsp How won.
drous is thy powerl
Unwarmed by thee, how would our
spirits fail
When dark December comes with as
pect sour,
And sharp as razor blows the Northern
galei
And yet thou art grateful In that sultry
day,
When raging Sirius darts his fervid ray.
Hall, mighty rumr To thee the
wretched fly
And find sweet oblivion OF all their
woes;
Locked In thine arms, as In the grave.
they lie,
Forget their kindred and forgive their
foes:
And Lethe's stream, so much extoled by
some
In ancient times, shrewdly guess was
Hall, "brapdy-smashr' What can thy
power Withstand
Even lordly reason fees thy dreadful
face,
And health and joy and all the lovely
band
or social virtues shun thy dwelling
place;
For In whatever breast II rears its throne,
Like the Sultan of Turkey, 1t rules alone.
When our forefathers crossed the Allan.
tic wave
And here arrived. weak, defenceless
band,
Pray what became of all those tribes &c
brave,
Inc savage owners Of this happy land;
Were they sent headlong to the realm,
below
by doom Of battles Friend, answer no
Our fathers were too wise to think OF
They knew the forest lands were no,
quickly passed
They might have met with many an ugly
scar,
Lost many q scalp, and then been beat
at last.
But Mr.. Rum" assisted by his son-Mr
Disease"
Performed the business with surprising
But loi the ingratltude Of Adams race
Though all these clever things to rum
we owe,
Gallons of ink are squirted In his face
And his bruised back Is banged with
many blow;
Some hounds Of note have rung his
funeral knell,
And every puppy joins the general yell
So have seen (the simile is fine,
And wonderful pat, though rather old)
When rising Phoebus shot his rays be.
nign,
A flock of sheep came running from the
fold;
Some restless sheep cries--"Bsh, "and
all the throng,
Ewes. rams. lambs and wethers, bleatine
pour along.
But fear not Mr.. "Rrn," though tiercely
they assail,
And none bat I, thy bard. thy cause
defend,
Think not thy foes, though numerous
shall prevail,
Thy power diminish, or thy existence
end;
Though spurned from table and public
eye,
In thy snug closet safely shalt thou lie.
And Off when SOILS proud chariot.
quit the sky,
And humble Cynthis mounts her one
horse chair,
To that snug closet shalt thy yotaries
fy,
And wrapped In darkness, keep HI.
orgies there,
Lin the full bottle joyously to his head
Then, great as Cesar. reel sublime to bed
ilIAM0Nn WAnmU 90 nm nnn