davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Parma herald. (Parma, Idaho) 1903-1917, 1905-03-11

While travelling recently Marx
Twain was asked by a friend and fei-
low Messenger if he remembered the
arst money he had ever earned
YES" answered Mr.. Clemens, pun
inc meditatively on his cigar. Il have
distinct recollection OF it. When !
was a youngster | attended sehooi a.
q place where the use of the birch rod
was not an unusual event. IL was
AGAINST the rules TO mark the desks IN
any manner. the penalty being a nne
Of S. or public chastisement'
~Happening TO violate the RUE on
ons occasion l was offered the alterna-
t,~s told my father. and as ne
saened 10 think it would be too bad
Cor me TO be publicly punished. he
cave me the So. AT that period OF my
existence s. was a large sum- WINE
= whipping was Of little consequence
ard so--here Mr.. Clemens renecii'eN
snocked the ashes from his cigar
we'll" he finally added. that was
how l earned my first -. '-hailnnO''
Herald.
The Parma herald. (Parma, Idaho) 1903-1917, 1905-03-11

Two workmen were engaged in dig
ging 4 well when suddenly a portion
of the earth gave way. falling on and
knocking down one OF the men His
companion called to him and listened
anxiously for a reply.
Pat. speak, man. cried Mike again
from above. Are ye deadT
NO, Mike" came the answer. with
4. groan. I'm not dead. but I'm
spachless."
Without more ado Mike set OF for
help as fast as his legs could carry
him. Humping loudly on the door OF
Pats kinfolk. he summoned help. ex-
planning that Pat had been knocked
.spachless" and was buried by the
earth in the well.
Who told We SOP was the unex-
pected matter OF fact inquiry.
He told me himself" retorted Mike,
indignant at his word being doubted.
and. begorra, woman. IL ye don't be-
lieve me come and ask him. and he'll
tell We it's the truth I'm speakingT'-
London Taller.
The Parma herald. (Parma, Idaho) 1903-1917, 1905-03-11
A Russian "volnnteer. IS

1t is often said that Russians are
soldiers born" occasionally, however,
one is made to order. An English Wis
itor in Moscow was in one Of the side
streets recently when his attention
was attracted by the scuffiing of feet.
the swish of a whip, and the sound Of
loud words.
Looking across the way, he saw 4
stocky fellow in a blouse, fat on the
ground and stoutly resisting the efforts
Of two soldiers TO set him on his feet
and make him go along.
The Englishman turned to a man in
Official uniform at his side. who also
was watching the struggle, but with
out excitement or interest.
What's the trouble!' asked the
Englishman.
The official shrugged his shoulders.
There's no trouble" he replied. Its
only peasant turning volunteer.
The Parma herald. (Parma, Idaho) 1903-1917, 1905-03-11
He Rides a Wheel.

Look out for the man riding along
side a car on a bicycle" remarked a
Central detail detective the other day.
The street car workers. have a new
dodge. and the man on the bicycle is
part OF the game. He's the outside
man. as it were.
"A CRATER gets on the car and the
car is followed by the guy on the
wheel. When the goods'-a watch or
scarfpin-is taken by the fellow on the
car he throws it to his pal on the
wheel, who gets away with it. II the
guy on the wheel sees trouble ahead on
the car he gets away. but not without
first getting the stun from his partner
II he can.
Its a slick game, and puzzled us
for a while, but we tumbled to it by
recognizing one OF the crooks on a
wheel. Inter Ocean.
The Parma herald. (Parma, Idaho) 1903-1917, 1905-03-11

What Sultan OF Turkey has ever
commanded the suppression OF the Ian
guage and history OF a vassal stateg
What Sultan has prohibited the edu-
cation OF a section OF his subjectsl
What Sultan has restricted the bene-
fts OF medical science and closed his
Sanitariums and watering places TO a
section OF his subjects1 What Sultan
has ordered the massacre OF his own
subjects without provocationf What
Sultan has tortured children 10 convert
them 10 his faith. making them Sneel
upon sacks OF shot for eighteen hours
a day until they embraced Moham-
mechanism. and caused those who
would not be converted 10 be knouted
TO death between the ranks OF his sol
diers Russia as II Really Is
The Parma herald. (Parma, Idaho) 1903-1917, 1905-03-11
A Soft Answer.

Mrs. Newcomer-Good morning. Is
this Mrs Teaehem's private schooi7
Mrs Blinks (hOty)-Indeed il isn't.
This is a private house. and these are
my own children
Mrs Newcomer fhastilyl-I thought
It must be q school. because the children
looked so cultivated. and educated. and
scholarly. and-and refined. you know.
Mrs Blinks (geniallyl-Oh. yes. OF
course. Come in and sit down Lucy,
cail in your six brothers and i've sisters,
and introduce them TO the lady. while
get ready to 20 around with her and
show her where Mrs Teachem's school
IS"
The Parma herald. (Parma, Idaho) 1903-1917, 1905-03-11

A Young medical student came race
70 face with a dear, kind. fatheriy-
looking gentleman, with white hair ana
OF highly respectable appearance
they both stood transhxed- The
same idea flashed across both OF them
.Your face is familiar-very ramii-
,.. bpt I can't remember where we
have met SO often.
However. the friendly impulse was
carried out.
They shook hands warmly and de
parted. still ignorant Of each other :
name and occupation
But the young man was Determined
20 solve the problem. and he seized Oh
. waiter aud said to him'
..Tell me. waiter. who is that distin
,,,sbed stranger with the long white
hairy
And the waiter whispered lowly;
.Please. sir. that's the pawnbroker-
The Parma herald. (Parma, Idaho) 1903-1917, 1905-03-11
An Explanation.

Look exclaimed a lady oher COM
panion at the matinee. there is Mrs.
Oldine In that box Her hair Ia tet
black now. but I'm positive II was
streaked with gray the last time l sa y
her.
Very true. dear" replied the other,
but you know her only brother died
three months ago."
What has that got to do with the
color Of her hairY' asked the FIRST
speaker.
Why. don't you understand re
Joined her friend. shes in mourn
ing"
The Parma herald. (Parma, Idaho) 1903-1917, 1905-03-11
WHEN FORKS WERE NEW.


AoT Their Dze tm pressed q Lady the
First Time She Saw Them
A lady who saw forks used for the
nrsf time at dinner Of Henry III. Of
France records her impression" Of
the occasion Henry had in 1547 been
rendered a magnificent reception in
Venice. At this entertainment forks
were used The royal guest observed
them with much interest and immed.-
ately introduced them to the French
court.
II seems from the account OF the
lady. who had never used them be
fore. that rome others were In the same
predicameEt. She writes:
They never touched the meat with
their fingers. hut with forks, which
they carried to their mouths. bending
their necks and bodies over their
plates.
There were several salads. These
they ate with forks. for IL Is not con
sidered proper 10 touch the food with
the fingers However difficult ii may
be TO manage II, II Is thought better
to put the little forked instrument in
the mouth than the fingers.
The artichokes, asparagus. peas and
beans were brought II was a pleasure
to watch them try TO eat these with
their forks. for some. who were less
adroit than the others. dropped as
many on their plates and on the way
to the mouth as they were able to get
to their mouths.
"Afterward a great silver basin and
pitcher OF water were brought, and
the guests washed their hands. though
it seems as IL there would not be much
scent OF meat and grease on them. for
they had touched their food only with
those forked Instruments
The Parma herald. (Parma, Idaho) 1903-1917, 1905-03-11
500 Reward, 500.

The readers Of this paper viii be PLEASED to
learn that there Is a. least one dreaded disease
inzt science has been able 10 cure In all ita
Izges. and that is Cstarrh- Hslls Catkrrh
Cure Is the only positive cure known 10 the
nediczl fraternity. Catkrrh being q constiru-
uonAl disease, requires q constitutional treat
nenL Halls Catsrrh Cure l. taken in ternslly,
acting directly upon the blood and mucous
guriaces Of the system thereby destroying the
oundktion of the disease. nnd giving the pa
lent strength by building up the constitution
3roprietors have 50 much faith in its curative
lowers that they offer One Hundred Dollars
or any case that IL fails 70 cure Send for List
II testimonials
address. F. J. CHENEY CO., Toledo, o.
sold By druggists. 75e-
Halls Family Pills are the best
The Parma herald. (Parma, Idaho) 1903-1917, 1905-03-11

Il can cure you OF that peculiar az
fection Of your neck, madam" the ply
siclan said. but I shall have 10 pre-
scribe a most heroic remedy
Not a surgical operation. doetors 2
fzltered his fair patient.
Worse than that. madam" he re-
joined For SIX months you must re-
frain absolutely from turning your
head to glance at the attire OF anybody
whom you happen TO meet on the
street r-Chicago Tribune.
The Parma herald. (Parma, Idaho) 1903-1917, 1905-03-11
O 81 W0W@

Householder Yellow Dent Corn grows
Ike a weed and yields from Isl 10 go
bushels and more per acre! It's the big
gest yieider on earth!
Sllzer's Speltz, Beariless Barley, Maca-
roni Wheat. Pea Dat, Billion Dollar Grass
and Earliest Cane are money makers for
you, Mr.. Farmer.
JUST SIND THIS NOTICE AND 10c
in stamps 10 John A. Salzer Seed Co. Ia
Crosse. Wis. and receive their big catzlog
and lots OF farm seed samples lP. c. l.
The Parma herald. (Parma, Idaho) 1903-1917, 1905-03-11
Hoods Cdrsdpdrilld
and Pills

,,.ts the blood pure, vigorous and
.I.b. create appetite, give vitality,
..~noth and animation, and cure
n enptions. Have tas whole family
ssg,n to take them today.
floods sarsaparilla has been used in
.r fanny for some time, and always with
"a results. Last spring I was all run
t 80 and got a bottle Of 1t. and as usual
.-esIved great benefit" Miss BxULAB
BcgcE, Stowe, Vt
vood's sarsaparIlla promises 70
..,ra and keeps tho promise.
The Parma herald. (Parma, Idaho) 1903-1917, 1905-03-11
Shopping Troubles.

Tomorrow is my wife's birthday
and want TO buy a present that will
tickle her"
I'VE have a nice line OF feather
boas."
NO, no. I mean something that
would make a hit with her"
Anything in hammersT
You misunderstood"
Il want something striking that
-Ah, you wish a clock"
That's all."-Cleveland Plain Deal
er.
The Parma herald. (Parma, Idaho) 1903-1917, 1905-03-11

Hicks-Isn't 1t awful the way Dunn
ley brags OF his ancestors7
wicks-Yes. it excites my sincere
pity.
Hicks-PiU? Nonsense. the chump
doesn't deserve any pity.
Wicks-Oh. l don't pity him. but his
Observation-Disclosures Standard and
Times.
The Parma herald. (Parma, Idaho) 1903-1917, 1905-03-11
A weII-Kno~n Fact

Magistrate-what have you TO say
to the charge of being drunk and disor-
derby last nightg
Prisoner-You know, y'r honor. that
wen a man is drunk. he thinks he's
sober. and it's the other people Is drunk.
observation-disclosures have heard
50.
Prisoner-Thzt's how IL was. y'r hon
or. TIL perlicenan was drunk
The Parma herald. (Parma, Idaho) 1903-1917, 1905-03-11
Tn. 1,ocomo,ive as a Coat Eater.

The total coal production OF 'ne
United States is now at Tue az ~
1oooOOO tons per day. and the con,
smmntiou OF coal by railroads is equal
~ an per cent OF this. or 100000 tons
nor aav. The fuel bill OF ra'lrosu
.ontr,hutes about 10 per cent OF the
total expense OF operation ana ~ !"
40 per cent OF the total cost OF run run.
a,nr the locomotives. A locomotive
I'm consume on an average OF Sa'0
,,.or,h OF coal per annum. and Tor a
rosa having an equipment OF lW'
,U.'S n,, the coal hill Is approNl-
n,ately saOOo0o0-Railway AGE
The Parma herald. (Parma, Idaho) 1903-1917, 1905-03-11

But" protested PhoNy's young
bride, you promised me when we
were married you would give me any
thing 1 wanted"
No, dear" replied Phoxy, Il was
careful to say anything you were in
want Of You are not in want Of a
sealskin sacQue." -Philadelphia Press.
The Parma herald. (Parma, Idaho) 1903-1917, 1905-03-11

salzer's New National Oats yielded in
Mich, 240 bu-, in No, % bu., IN y. D.,
81 bu., and in 80 other states from $50
to 800 bu. per acre. Now this Dat If gen
orally grown IN 1875, VIII add millions OF
bushels TO the yield and millions Of dol
lars 10 the farmers uurSel
The Parma herald. (Parma, Idaho) 1903-1917, 1905-03-11
You Can Oct Arl<u.. Foot-H.s< FREE.

Write Allen s. Olmsted, lie Roy. y. Y, for q
free sample Of Allen . Foot-Ease. IL cures
rvesting. hot swollen kehing feet Il makes
aew or tight shoes easy. A certain cure for
Germs. IN gro~ing n ais and bunions All drug
xists sell H. &c Don't aeeept any substitute
The Parma herald. (Parma, Idaho) 1903-1917, 1905-03-11

TITO Permanently Cured No nfs OF nervousness,
THO amer 1rst DAYS q Dr. Kiine's Gresr srvs
Resrorer send tor Free 80 trial bottle and trxrse
Dr.. X. II. Kline. Id, st1 Arch 81. PhllAdslphtx Pa
The Parma herald. (Parma, Idaho) 1903-1917, 1905-03-11

Mothers will End Ms. rtEsiow's Sootssnl
Syrup the best remedy to use for THAR ehfldrei
during the teething period
The Parma herald. (Parma, Idaho) 1903-1917, 1905-03-11
Hanging scyths.

As a youth Daniel Webster was
somewhat opposed TO physical labor
hnt he was quick At repsrtee. While
moving he complained to his father
re- Ms scythe was not properly hung
. rs il 10 suit yourself. Dan" replied
,ns Maternal. The boy Immediately
hung it on tree near by. There
ssther its hung to suit me now.
The Parma herald. (Parma, Idaho) 1903-1917, 1905-03-11

Piso's Cure Is 4 good cough medicine
1t has cured coughs and colds for forty
years. AT druggists. 25 cents
The Parma herald. (Parma, Idaho) 1903-1917, 1905-03-11

..rhe men generally" said a snappy
Imam n,-day. seem to be In favor
=, ms women living the Simple Life;
because they think it would save the"
money
The Parma herald. (Parma, Idaho) 1903-1917, 1905-03-11
.eoring Medicine

Tbere Is no other season when good
Lime Is 30 much needed - In the
'f rhs blood Is impure, weak and
~rer;sbed--a condition indicated
wy ,,,nnles and other eruptions on the
~. ~ and body, by deficient vitality,
' 49, ~ appetite, lack of strength, and
,,sut Of animation
The Parma herald. (Parma, Idaho) 1903-1917, 1905-03-11
~" BLOOD.
Columbus, Ohio. Nav no. 100,

NoiumDuSs ONO, May 19, 1905.
Some four years ago I was suffering
from impure blood and a general run
down condition of the system had no
appetite, was losing flesh, and had an all
gone tired feeling that made me misera-
PIE l began the use of S. S. s., and
after taking seven or eight bottles my skin
was Cleared of oil eruptions and took on
rudy, healthy glow that assured me that
my blood had been restored to its nor
MAJ, healthy condition. My appetite was
restored, as could eat anything put be-
lore me, and as regained my appetite
increased in weight, and that tired feel
ing which worried me so much disap-
peared, and was once again my old self.
heartily recommend S. S. S. as the
pest blood purifier and tonic made, and
strongly advise its use to all those in need
OF such medicine. VICTOR SrUBBINS-
Sor. Barthrnan and Washington AYES.
The Parma herald. (Parma, Idaho) 1903-1917, 1905-03-11
Wheeling. w. v. Nav IS. no

Wheeling, W. V, May IS. 1905.
Ny system was run down and my joints
aehed and panied me considerably. Ihad
used S. S. S. before and knew what il
was, so purchased bottle of il and have
taken several bottles and the aches and
pains are gone, my blood has been cleas-
ed and my general health built up. can
testify to 1t as a blood purifier and tonic.
1888 Market St. JOHN c. SrKIN.
The Parma herald. (Parma, Idaho) 1903-1917, 1905-03-11

One of Ayers pills at bedtime vii
hasten recovery. Gently laxative
The Parma herald. (Parma, Idaho) 1903-1917, 1905-03-11

vol srd cotton equally vel and Is
Nrsse ter tree ees<1es ho~ to o.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1905-02-01

Old Mr.. Makepeace was in remnls
cent mood. did | ever tell We what
mother said to me when got up spunk
enough to ask her-in words-if she'd
have me?" he began. to the delight Of
his grandson, Fred.
"No, but something bright, I'll war
rant" chuckled Fred, with glance at
the old lady. who calmly regarded
them from her rocking chair by the
fireplace.
81 can't recall tie preliminary re-
marks" Mr.. Makcpeace continued,
land, anyway, l think they were II
trlhe mixed. But finally, after I'd said
something about my prospects, to make
1t buslness-lke, | began to think 1t
strange she didn't say anything, and
was afraid was getting it all wrong.
"I'll make ye good husband, Bet
ty,' said, hoping that was the right
thing.
"If / should marry you, john she
said, and 1t was the first time she had
opened her lips, L will attend to max
ing a good husband of you
And she hasr' laughed old Mr.
Makepeace the corner Of his eye OH his
wife
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1905-02-01
REAPED AS HE SOWED.
She Crop That Was Raised by Meis-
sonier's Clever Gardener.

The Crop That Was Raised by Meis-
sonier's Clever Gardener.
Meissonler, like many other celebrl-
ties, had passon for gardening. His
gardener, an accomplished botanist,
knew TO perfection the seeds of every
plant. and his master had often tried
In vain to throw him Off his guard.
This time have him." the artist re-
marked TO party of friends at the
dinner table. And he showed them a
packet containing the dried roe of Il
herring He then sent for the garden
er.
''Do you know this seed? 2" Meissonler
inquired
The gardener carefully scrutnized
the grains.
"Why not?" he said ut last They
are the seeds of the 'Polpus finsamus,'
IL very rare tropical plant"
How long will they be coming up2"
Melssonier asked, with chuclile OF sup
pressed exultatlon.
about fortnight" was the reply.
Two weeks later the guests were
again assembled at Melssoniers table,
and after dinner the gardener was an
nounced
IN. Meissonier," the man said the
seed has Just come up"
"Ah, you surprise mer the artist ex-
claimed rs he rose aud led the way
into the garden to examine the botan-
ical phenomenon.
The gardener lifted glass shade and
disclosed TO view small bed with
three rows of picked herrings heads
| peeplng out of the earth. Everybody
laughed. Melssonler dismissed the
gardener on the spot, but took him on
| again next day.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1905-02-01
CAUGHT BY THE CRY.
The Way an Australian Bandit Was
Trapped In London.

The Way an Australian Bandit Was
Trapped In London.
"Coo-e-e" is the curious cry that was
one of the signals of the native blacks
OF Australia The cry was speedily
adopted by the invading whites. The
final "e" is very high note, a sort OF
prolonged screech that resounds for
long distances through the bush and
thus enables separated persons to as
certain their relative positions. On one
notable occasion this peculiar cry was
heard In London. A daring bushranger
made his appearance one morning In
front of bank in Ballarat and coolly
posted notice on the door to the eff
feet that the place would be closed for
an hour.
Entering, he terrorized the officials
with his revolver and got clear away
with $4,000. Some time afterward
the authorities received information
that the man had been seen in London.
One day detective thought he espied
his man In the Strand; but. not being
quite sure he hit upon an expedient.
He uttered n piercing Goo e-e."
Passersby stood fixed in astonish-
ment. but the Australian. acting on the
spur of the moment and recognizing
the familiar sound fastened to the per-
| son who uttered 1t. He was promptly
| arrested and was taken back to Aus
tralia - Chicago News.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1905-02-01
NOBILITY OF TREES.
A Tribute TO the Majesty of ths
Mighty Oak.

Directly In my path stood an ancient
swamp white oak, the greatest tree,
think. that have ever seen. 1t was not
the highest nor the largest round, per-
haps, but individually, spiritually, the
greatest. Hoary, hollow and broken
limbed, his huge bole seemed encircled
with the centuries, and in this green
and grlzzled top all the winds of heav-
ell had some time come.
One could worship In the presence Of
such tree as easily as In the shadow
of vast cathedral. Indeed. what is
there built with hands that has the dig
nifty, the majesty the dignity. Of life7
And what life was herel Life whose
beginnings lay so far back that could
no more reckon the years than l could
count the atoms 1t had builded into this
majestic form.
Looking down upon him from twice
his height doomed a tulip poplar, clean.
boiled for thirty feet and in the top all
green and gold with blossoms. 1t was
resplendent thing beside the oak. yet
how Enthusiastically the gnarled old mon
arch wore the crown! His girth more
than balanced the poplar's great height,
and as for blossoms, nature knows the
beauty of strength and inward majesty
and has pinned no boutonniere upon
the oak.-Dallas Lore Sharp in Nation
al Magazine
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1905-02-01
Oysters with or without

"Sitting opposite me in a downtown
oyster house the other day" said a
clubman, was one Of those fastidious
men who undertake to transmit in
structions to the cook through the wait
er. lie wanted twenty-five cent stew.
AS nearly as | can remember. these
were his Instructions:
Now. waiter, kindly tell the cook !
don't want the oysters and milk mere
ly mixed and heated. want the milk
carefully boiled first. The oysters
should then be added without the
liquor. The liquor should not be put in
until the seasoning is added. BE very
particular to get good rich milk and
nothing but the best gilt edged butter.
AS for the oysters, | want Cape Cod
salts. No ordinary stock oysters for
me. DO you understand
81 think so, sir replied the waiter.
But do you wish the oysters with or
Without
"'With or without whatY asked tbs
customer
Pearls, sir New York Press
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1905-02-01
Tuste and Touch.

Touch, DR.. Andrew Wilson has re-
minded us, is probably the oldest Of
our senses. 1t Is also, we may add. the
most active where taste has always
been assumed to be paramount--at the
dinner table. 1t Is fact overlooked
that we like what we like less because
we taste 1t than because we feel 1t.
What is there wonderful In the taste
of your perfect. your ripe potato? Moth
ing or little. But. ah. the feeling!
What have the resistance OF bread.
the sudden GOODNESS of butter, the ten
derness of asparagus. the crispness Of
biscuit, to do with taste? Something
almost negliglble.-London Chronicle.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1905-02-01
THE DANCE IN SPAIN.
IL liz an Essential Part of the Life of
the People.

II liz an Essential Fart of the Life of
the People.
Dancing is n universal instinct with
Spanish women. The great annual ferla
ut Seville Is largely an orgy of dancing
As evening approaches everywhere one
begins to hear the sound of castanets
and to see the gracious movements Of
the seguldilla, the universal Andalu-
sian dance
But the fundamental instincts of the
Spanlard for dancing and the serious
and profound way In which 1t express
es the temperament of the people are
perhaps shown by nothing else SO
much az by the existence of religious
dancing In Spain. At the time of st.
Thomas of Vlllaneuva, bishop of Va
lencia. 1t was customary to dance be-
fore the sacred elements In the church.
es of Seville. Toledo. Jerez and Nalen-
ella. Religious dancing continued to be
common in Catalonia and In Itousslllon
| (the most Spanish of the French prov
inces) up to the seventeenth century.
But real and unique survival of re.
| liglous dancing Is the dance OF the
seses In Seville cathedral, when the
choristers. wearing the same costume
ms they were 400 years ago, perform &
dance to the accompaniment Of casta
nets In the space between the high al
tar and the choir.
Dancing is something more than Al
amusement in Spain. 1t is part Of tina
solemn ritual which enters into TIN
whole life of the people.-Twentietl
Century Home.