Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1905-07-28

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He-So your father asked you what
you saw in me to admire2 She-Oh,
no. He asked me what imagined 1
saw.-Life.
Gracye-Maude asked George to kiss
her. Gladys-Well, I like her cheek!
Gracye-So did George.
Courier-Journal.
"Don't know her? Why, she lives
in the same square with you" "Yes,
but she's not in the same circle."-
Cleveland Leader.
Miss Pert-Which half is it that
doesn't know how the other half lives?
Miss Caustique- better half
Philadelphia Record.
Judge-I'll give you thirty days in
Jail. Prisoner Good! Ny wife will
be through cleaning house when 1 get
out.-Kansas City Times.
Brother-You can't think how nerv-
GUS was when proposed. Sister
You can't think how nervous she was
until you did.-Town and Country.
Jack-Why do you girls spend 50
much time and money on dress? Nell
(candidly)-To interest the men and
worry other girls-Philadelph Press.
What reason does he give for not
paying his wife alimony? 'rHe says
that marriage is lottery, and hence
alimony is a gambling debt" t."-Collier's
Weekly.
"You say you are not afraid Of the
trusts" Not a bit," answered Sem
ator Sorghum; "some of 'em have been
the best friends 1 ever had" Wash
lngton Star.
She-Freddie and Clara are engaged,
but they have decided to keep their
engagement a secret. Clara told me
SO. He-Yes, 1 know. Freddie told
Up.
waiter, these are mighty small
oysters" Eyes, SIR" "And they don't
appeal to be very fresh, either" ''Then
it's lucky they're small, aint it, sir?"-
Cleveland Leader.
Nell-Mr. Kammerer is so kind. He
said 1 took very pretty and very
artistic picture. Belle-Indeed? And
whose picture did you take, dear?-
Philadelphia Ledger.
Don't you ever go to school, Jim.
mie?" well, yer see, it's dis way
kid-ma gives me nickel a week ter
go to school an de teacher gives me g
dime ter stay away.-Judge.
She-I have a new milliner, Jack
Don't you think my hats are more be
coming than they used to be? He
Yes; and your bills are becoming more
than they used to be.-New York Mail
"Charles, have you ever considered
going into any business?' NAV. Tht
governor wanted me to last yeah, bu
IL told him, dontcherknow, it was
enough to have one tradesman in th'
family.
The Boss-I'm afraid you are mo-
qualified for the position; you dom
know anything about my business
The Appicant-Don't I, though?
keep company with your typewriter
Journal.
Stage manager interviewing chill
dren with the idea of engaging then
for a new play)-Has this child beel
, on the stage? Proud mother-No
but he's been on an inquest, and b
/ speaks up ine-Punch.
Physician Cooking into his arteroon
where a number Of his patients ar
waiting)-Who has been waiting tn
longest?' Tailor-(who has called t
present his blD-I have, doctor; de
livered the clothes to you three year
ago.-Glasgow Evening Times.
Mrs. Brickrow-How do you man
age to persuade your husband to bu
> you such expensive bonnets? Mrs
Topfatte-I take him shopping wit
me, walk him around until he can
stand, and then wind up in a bonne
, store. He'll buy anything to get home
!: New York Weekly.
] Lecturer on the French Revolution
! 1t is impossible to imagine the chao
: THAT reigned-confusion and anarch
l everywhere. In our more peaceful COZ
ditions we cannot even imagine sue
state Of things. Man at the back Q
t. the hall-Yes, we can, mister. Com
t up to our house; we're movin'.-Picl
l Me-Up.
YES, said he, letting her out al
l other notch beyond the speed limi
l 'the automobile has come to stay.
Then the machine slowed down, gave
, shudder or two and a dry, raspin
t cough, and stopped. You were right,
f said his guest a few hours later q
they trudged wearily into town.
Houston Post.
a A Western paper tells of confuse
!, clerk who, asked by young lady fe
a certain number of yards Of muslil
> looked at the cloth for minute, meal