Heppner gazette. [volume] (Heppner, Morrow County, Or.) 1892-1912, 1905-11-09
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Wille-Engaged to Jack? Then yol
won't marry Harry, after all? Eunic'
Not after all But maybe afte
Jack.-Smart Set.
Mother-What, at the jam again
Aren't you Old enough to know bet
ter? Tommy-No'm, there amt any
better in town.-New York Sun.
Brown-Did | ever tell you the
story about the dirty window, Green
Green-No. Tell it to me. Brown
It's no use-yOu couldn't see through
it.
Slimson-Wilie, they tell me you
have the reputation of being the worst
boy in school. Wilie-Yes, father, and
can tell you | didn't get it without
a struggle.-Life.
Always Flashing 1t: Tess-Isn't
May the lucky girl? Jess-Yes; she's
got an engagement ring. Tess-Yes,
and what's more, she's handed
Philadelphia Press.
Uncle-So you go to school now?
Tommy-Yes, sir. Uncle-And what
part Of the exercises do you like best?
TOmmy-Why, the exercise we get at
recess Philadelphia Press.
Stern Mother-Wilie. Willie Get
back-Yes'm. "Theres whole lot Of
the contents of this jar missing. What
did you take it for?' II took it for
jam, mammal; what was it?'
Farmer Geehaw-Si Plunkard has
jest lost his wife. Farmer Giddap-
Waal, we all halter go. Farmer Gee
haw-Yes; an if she had ter go it's
jest as well she went now. Saved 81
the expense O. winterin' her, ye see
Pittsburg Post.
Office Boy-Miss Keyes, please let
me look at your face? Miss Keyes-
What for? Office Boy-Why, the boss
said some Of the paint was scratched
off his typewriter. | didn't know
whether he meant you or the machine.
Chicago News.
They say" said Mrs. Oldcastle,
that she married him under mis-
apprehension" "Oh, no, she didn't"
replied her hostess. Il seen the
whole thing myself. 1t was under a
bell made out of some kind of flow
ers."-ChicagO Record Herald.
A speeding automobile met a smooth
ly gliding cutter on the road. "Ah.'
it said to the cutter. where are you
going:" "Sleighng, of course" re-
piled the cutter. And you:' "Slay
ing." shouted back the automobile,
with a horseess laugh.
Magazine
Mrs. Brickrow-How do you manage |
to persuade your husband to buy you ,
such expensive bonnets? Mrs. Top
tlatte-I take him shopping with me,
walk him around until he can't stand,
and then wind up in bonnet store.
He'll buy anything to get home.-New
York Weekly.
"Now, Johnny" said the Sunday
school teacher, "can you tell me what
u II. IotiiiC 10 les, ma am, air
swered Johnny. "A hypocrite is boy
that pretends to enjoy hearing the
minister get off a long blessing at the
lining table when he's nearly starved"
Chicago News.
Little Ethel was learning to sew,
and one day. after vainly trying to
hread a needle, she asked Mamma,
lon't they call the hole in the needle
IN eye:" Yes. dear" replied her
mother. We'll" continued the little
Miss, I'll bet this old needle is cross
'yed. ."-Cincinnati Enquirer.
He-NIss de Jones-Clara-I never
owed anyont but you. viii you be
ny wife? She-But I've been told that
-ou proposed to four other girls with
II month. He-True. darling; but
did it merely for practice, SO that |
blunder proposing to YOU
'hicago Journal.
Mrs. Nagget," said the doctor
your husband needs rest. He must
% to Europe for three months" "Oh.
plendidr' she exclaimed: I'll be de-
ghted to so there" VERY good. You =
an go for three months after he comes
ack. That will give him six months
est. t."-Philadelphia Ledger.
Pausing uncertainty before a desk In
ne big insurance office. the Hibernian
isitor said to the clerk: "Oi want
, TEX out a pawlicy." Life. fire or
larine?" drawled the dapper clerk,
18th infinite sarcasm. "All three. Dim
retorted the applicant: Dim =
oin' fer a stoker In tn navy.'-Puck
Mrs. Highmus Il was shocked TO
ear that your husband had been op- G
'ated upon for appendicitis. Is he l.
1t of danger? Mrs. Gaswell-Oh. YES. ];
rs recovering from the operation all -
ght. but he's dreadfully diSappolnt-
|. The doctors found there wasn't
lything the matter with hlm.-Chica-
, Tribune.
Lawyer-Would you believe the
worm testimony of this man? Wit
not, sir. Lawyer-And
by not? Witness-Because. sir that
an hates TO tell the truth. He ALWAYS
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