Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1905-05-12
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Doctor, isn't there anything 1 can
do for this seasickness?" why, yes.
Try farming."-Life.
Johnny-Paw, what's the rest of
that quotation beginning Truth is
mightyY Father-"Scarce," 1 reckon.
,-Pittsburg Post.
He-I go to bed at night with
gloves on to keep my hands soft She
And do you wear your hat, too?-
Hartford Courant.
Medium-Do you wish to see your
departed husbands, spirit? Mrs. Whit
f1etree-No; want to see his ghost!
Josh never had no spirit!-Puck.
| 80 the specialist said you'd have to
give up smoking for while, eh?"
Yes, and he also said I'd have to give
up SIS for ood."-Collier's Weekly.
Suitor-rm poor but honest, sir. Old
Rocksy-I don't doubt it at all, my
boy; and unless you change your prin-
ciples you'll never get rich.-Town
Topics.
Nell-How in the world did you dis
cover her age? Belle-I asked her at
what age she thought girl should
marry, and she promptly said 81
Philadelphia Ledger.
What is the chief product Of the
United States?" asked the teacher in
European school. And without hesi-
tation the bright pupil replied, Mon
ey."-Washington Star.
"A New York man advocates the
drowning Of all idiots" why, the
cruel brute! I shall raise my voice in
protest! I-er- oh, well, it doesn't
matter to me."-Houston Post
What is the secret of your sue
cess?' asked the very young man. in
buying" said the old horse dealer, II
look sharp, and in selling Il look just
as ignorant as 1 can."-Chicago Daily
News.
Its o'clock, Fritz! We must run
home" 'No, if go home now shall
be whipped for being so late. I'm go.
ing to stay till 8 and then I'll get bon
bons and kisses because I'm moi
drowned" Blaetter.
did you spend money to get into
public officer" NO." answered Sena
tor Sorghum; Il didn't spend it
gave it away, and then depended OF
decent sense of gratitude in the ben
efciaries. es."-Washington Star.
Fair Devotee-I don't see any way
to raise our church debt, except t.
have a lottery. Minister (shocked) y
That will never have my sanction
madam, never, unless you call it by
some other name.-New York Weekly
Old Party-Boy, you'll catch cold i
you get your feet wet in that puddle
Small Boy-Dat's what I'm after. I'm
a-goin' to speak "Spartacus to d.
Gladiators' at school on Friday, an
wants to git me voice hoarse.-Chicag
News.
Their pay is shockingly small TO
! some of our public officials" said tn
= broad-minded man. YES" ansWere
the cynic; but it averages up. Som
y of the public officials are shockingl
o small for their pay y."-Washingto
Star
i Finnegan-Oh, Wis, Oh can undel
r stand how thin astronomers can ca
kilate tn distance av shtarr, it
weight, and dinsity and color, and a
that-but tn thing thot gets me il
how tn divvle do they know it's nam'
Puck.
She-What Is the use Of searchin
for the North Pole, anyway? He
z Why, it would result in a great savin
\ of money If found. She-How's that
y y He-It wouldn't be necessary to sen
any more expeditions to look after
Philadelphia Inquirer.
e Constituent-Now,. Mr. Wunnout,
,e wish you'd do your best to get my BIO
good government job. Congressma
Well, what can your son do? Co,
% stituent-What can he do? Gres
~ Scott, man! If he could do anything
wouldn't be bothering you-Clevelan
n Plain Dealer.
Mrs. MCCALL do wish 1 could g
II good maid. Mrs. Vandine-Yo
might interview mine. 1 think she
: be delighted to go to you. Mrs. NJ
e Call-But why don't you keep hel
Mrs. Vandine-Oh, she won't sta
She says she wants place where ST
won't have so many gowns and ha
to take care Philadelphia Press.
IN Miss Smythe organizing subscri
, ton dance)-I'm in despair about OF
| dance, Mr.. Brown. So many .peop
| have failed me. You'll come, won
| you? Mr.. Brown Extremely stout)-
i Reilly, Miss Smythe; I'm not dancir
man. 1 don't dance at all! Mi
l Smythe-Oh, that don't matter in tt
| least. You'd help to. fill up, you know
Mr.. Brown-Ah-yes-w pleasur
II will look in about supper time
/ Punch.
Odessa.
80