davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Montour American. (Danville, Pa.) 1866-1920, 1905-05-11
MUSIC AND HUMOR.
An English Critic Says That the Two
Cannot he Linked.


Cannot he Linked.
There is little room In music for hu'
NOR and no room at all for wit. When
] hear some one speak Of the wit OF
Chopin scherzo | think, my friend,
you had better see doctor at once;
you are slightly deranged mentally"
In association with words there can be
humor In music. as, for example, the
prolonged low notes Handel gives to
Polyphemus when he asks for a hun
dred reeds 'fOr my capacious mouth"
But the humOr Of Haydn and Beetho-
ven In their instrumental works consists
entirely of practical JOkes-a sudden
low G on the bassoon, a horn passage
which no horn player can ever hope
to play, a bass who enters a bar too
soon or too late. The late Harold Fred
eric summed up the question beauti-
fully. He said TO me one day when
had not laughed at one of his stories:
Musicians have no sense of humor
When | was young man touching
negatives In photographers studio |
was very musical ! had notes in my
voice that couldn't be found in any
piano In our parts. | had no sense Of
humor. Afterward | developed a sense
Of humor and lost my voice. ."-LOndoD
Saturday Review.
a Singing Reproor.
A gentleman had an inqulsitive serv-
ant, relates Chums, whom he once saw
open a private letter OF his. The next
day he sent another letter by the serv-
ant containing postscript You may
send a verbal answer by bearer He
has taken the precaution TO read this
before delivery"
Montour American. (Danville, Pa.) 1866-1920, 1905-05-11

the woman he still loved, who bore his
she have become a common theft In
credible. 1t was a nightmare. The cur
tains stifed him. He tore them apart.
The woman saw pale, gasping face
fronting her, the eyes horror struck, as
Of one looking on a ghost. An instant
her own matched 1t; then she tainted
Molly be cried and sprang TO her.
She revived readily. He remembered
she had never been a fainting woman.
She clung to him.
Robert" she whispered, that horri-
BILE man"
Then, watching his face she let go
her hold.
Robert! Were you he?"
He nodded, unable to speak.
What did you do it for? 1t was too
dreadful! | thought 1t was burglar!
How did you find meT'
Find you? | opened my eyes and
saw your
"Of course, but how did you know l
was hereT
What do you mean? How did you
know l was here?" he demanded.
Are you trying to make a joke of
it?" she cried. You creep into my
rooms like a thief
"A thiefv' he echoed. Your rooms!
Aren't they miner They knew my
name downstairs''-
You are more ungenerous than l
could have expected" she interrupted.
Whose name could bear but yours?
You are strangely forgetful"'
NO" he answered; mo. Molly. l new
er forget Ii l only could! l shall go
mad some day remembering" Then,
pulling himself together, he said: For
give this business, Molly. It's queer
enough, but it's some mistake of Ma
ria's. She has taken a new apartment,
and-and evidently this is not 1t. l
thought II was. Maybe l made a mis-
take myself | was dead tired. Any
how, I'll get out can go somewhere,
Of course"
1T is hardly worth while" she re-
piled. lit will soon be morning any
how. Jenny and l have been packing
all night, or, rather. l have, since she
fell asleep taking down pictures. We
sail tomorrow on the Oceanic"
He did not answer The excitement
had faded from his face and left it
white and haggard. She came closer.
Robert, / would never have gone to
you. had injured you too much. l
know now 1t was my own fault-my
own jealousy. But that does not mat
ter We shall soon be separated, per
haps forever. Fate or God has brought
us together for n moment first For
give me-
Two hours later there was knock
at the door. DR.. Jardine and his wife
looked at each other with eyes In which
laughter and panic mingled.
And you are q respectable widow
LADY, he Knocked.
But II was only old jimmy who ap-
peared upon the threshold. Her hands
and eyes went up in happy gesticula-
ton.
Thank the Lswd," she cried, "the
TWO SIuDDOTneS IOlh6 III TIC W. III la Z
done come together again! An Mis-
Molly, thes a telephone fer the doctah
from the horspital. Mis- Jardine's jest
raisin' New Yawk because he amt
come home an
But l have come home" cried DR..
Jardine. Where's the telephone, jim
N.Y."
In moment be returned, laughing.
This is 10 East, isn't itf" he in
Quired. We'll, my sister Maria Jest
natchelly,' as Jimmy would say, wrote
East when she meant West. | never
thought | should live to bless the alb
sentmindedness Of Maria, but heaven
knows do now with all my heart and
soulr'
And. though Molly was silent, she felt
for the first time that she truly loved
her sister-in-idw
Montour American. (Danville, Pa.) 1866-1920, 1905-05-11
Civil Service

Maria" said Boggles to bis wife,
with an idea of instructing her in po-
iitical economy, "do you know what
civil service tsp
Jasper" said Mrs. Boggles, With
memory of recent contact with the
aook there isn't any"
Montour American. (Danville, Pa.) 1866-1920, 1905-05-11
Went Her One better

al never saw you In such a becoming
hat, my dear Did you get it ready
made?"
Il was just thinking how unusually
pretty yours looks. Did you make il
yOurselff' f'-BrOoklyn Life.
Montour American. (Danville, Pa.) 1866-1920, 1905-05-11
How II Was Done,

81 thought Miss Pumpleigh figured
on marrying Jack"
80 she did, but another girl with
more money outtigured her."-Smart
Montour American. (Danville, Pa.) 1866-1920, 1905-05-11

Make tea for an invalid with boiling
milk instead of boiling water. 1t Is
much nicer and much more digestible
If the milk really bOiIS
Montour American. (Danville, Pa.) 1866-1920, 1905-05-11

WeekdaYs. I DAILY. 7 Flag SIaIlOu'
Pullman Paror and Sleeping Cars run ON
through trains between STnbury, WilliamspOrt
and Erie. between Sunbury an5 Philadelphia
and Washington and between Harrisburg, Pitts
burg and the West.
For further information apply to Ticket Agent
W. W. .ATTERBURY, J. X. WOOD
General Manager, Pass. Traffic Mg
GEO. ". BOYD, Gen Passenger Agent,
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1905-09-14
GRAPES FRESH ALL WINTER
How the French Manage to Supply
Choice Fruit to the Rich Dur
ing the Cold Weather.

A clever French process by which vine
growers in France are able to market
fresh outdoor grapes all though the
winter is thus described. 'Bunch0s of
the finest grapes when ripe in autumn
are cut in such way that to each bunch
a piece of the vine five or six inches
long remains attached. From this
piece the stems of the bunch hang, al
arrangement vitality necessary to the
success of the operation. A large
number of wide-mouth bottles, filled
with water, is ranged in a cellar and
in the open end of each is inserted the
piece of vine stem, the bunch of
grapes hanging outside. The grapes
do not touch the water, but are thus
supplied with moisture through the
vine stem, which is immersed in wa
ter. BY this process choice varieties
of table grapes are kept in perfect con-
dition for the whole winter. The tenn
perature of the cellar is uniform and
moderately low and care is taken daily
to supply the bottles with the water
lost by evaporation. Fruit thus care
fully tended is somewhat costly, but
there are many patrons who willingly
pay two dollars bunch for the deli
cacy of fresh grapes in midwinter.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1905-09-14


The Chinese gilds are ancient, the
Chinese boycott likewise old. There are
varieties of gilds; some mere trusts:
some what the author we are quoting
speaks of as commercial tribunals.
Their weapon is the boycott and the
taboo, carried on with a relentlessness
which neither the Irish nor the South
Sea islanders have ever dreamed even in
their stern philosophy"
ct may be in place here to recall that
the word boycott originated in Ireland,
when one Capt. Boycott, land agent OF
an Irish landlord in Connemara, was
made the first prominent victim of the
system. The Century Dictionary
states the word was introduced in Ire
land in 1880, and soon became (like the
practice) common throughout the Eng
lish speaking world. But it seems the
Cinnamon, who appear to have known
everything a thousand or two years be-
fore most peoples, had willy knowledge
of the system long, long ago.
Mr.. Bonsal tells of a happening in
China a short time since, when mer-
chants and officials came in clash in the
province of Swallow. The viceroy and
his associates put on an extra transit
tax and sent forth an army of collectors
throughout the land. The giids objected
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1905-09-14
OVER-CULTIvATION.
It May Be Done in the Orchard and
the Trees Killed Off-What Hap
pened to Plum Orchard.

There is such thing as cultivating
an orchard too much. This is the case
with orchards that have never been
accustomed to being cultivated 1t is
safest to begin cultivation in the
spring as soon as the buds begin to,
open, and continue the cultivation UNI
til the end of July. BY that time the,
branches will have made their annual
growth and the fruit buds will have
developed for the fruit crop of the
following year. When that has been
accomplished growth stops, and the
rest of the season the tree spends in
hardening up the wood that has been
developed, and in filling the fruit buds
with material for the Development III
the following spring. If cultivation
is continued during the latter part of
ger that fall growth of wood will
be started, and also that many of the
fruit buds will expand and blossoms
appea, in the fall Many a good or
chard has been spoiled by over Guilt
walton, says the Farmers Review. One
man in Illinois tells the story that
when he was young man, his father
being away, he thought to surprise
him by thoroughly cultivating an or
chard of 400 plum trees. 1t was early
fall. The trees took on new growth.
When his father returned, instead of
being pleased he said: ''You have
killed all these trees" His prophecy
proved true, as most of the trees died
during the following winter.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1905-09-14

having displayed his papers, blank ap-
plications, door plates, etc., he began dis
cussing other subjects, and topics of the
day. Directly he remarked that he in
tended to resign his position with the
insurance company, and engage in some
thing where he could make money faster,
and alluded to a former experience in
which he had made a lot of money in a
short time, handling patent right.
This, for the first time, reminded the
farmer that he was agent for mighty
fine patent, and forthwith he brought out
the washing machine the general agent
had left with him
The following morning the Insurance
agent explained in WORKOUT, exhausted
manner, that he had not slept more than
an hour. and then had dreamed of sell
ing washing machines galore, and town.
ship and county rights by the score.
While at the breakfast table, he ven
tured to ask the farmer, what he could
sell him 20 counties for, and producing
a state map, he selected the counties he
wanted The farmer carefully thought
the matter over, and although he
thought $500 county would enable the
insurance man to make plenty of money,
by cutting them up into township rights,
still he would let him have them (if he
took 20 counties) at 5000 each.
The insurance man thought the price
rather high, and dickered along until
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1905-09-14

the valise. he locked it, and was appar-
emily ready to start, when the farmers
wife remarked that she should think
he would be afraid to carry so much
money around in that way.
YES" he replied; "but l am more
afraid of banks, and for that reason, 1
want to invest in something that will
make me good paying business
At this juncture, young man raped
at the door, and when admitted, began
introducing a wall bracket. in which to
place newspapers, etc. He explained
that he travelled with horse and buggy,
and was taking orders, to be delivered in
side of 80 days, whereupon the insurance
man asked him in which direction he
was going. The bracket man, pointing
south. said: This way"
How would you like company for a
short distance?" asked the insurance
man. 81 am going south, but am trav-
cling on foot, and if agreeable to you.
should like to ride with you"
very WE'LL" said the bracket man,
only too glad of your company"
After taking the farmers order for a
bracket, he remarked that he was ready
to go. The insurance man, turning to
the farmer, inquired the amount of his
bill Being informed that there we're no
charges, he politely invited the farmer
to accompany him to the gata
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1905-09-14

you my signature. nor do ask for yours.
simply propose to appoint you our
agent. will give you three dollars in
cash for every machine which you sell,
and will leave this sample with you.
charging you nothing for it. And for
each county right you dispose of, will
allow you all, over 800 county, that you
get for it. If you get 5000 county, you
will make 500 profit. If you sell a
county for $3.50, your profit will be but
$50. l do not limit you as to price on
the county rights, but the price of ma
chimes must be no more nor less than
five dollars each. AS / shall be at the
- hotel, at Aurora, for the next six
weeks, should you find customer, You
may call on me there, and by paying the
cash, you can procure any number of
machines, at two dollars each, or what
ever counties you want, at $780,"
Two days later, a gentleman of fine adj
dress called. He was about 80 years Of
age, wore a silk hat and tailor-made
suit of clothes, was glib of tongue, and
carried fair-sized yalise. He came just
at dusk, and introducing himself as a
fire insurance agent, explained that he
was travelling on foot, was somewhat
tired and weary, and wanted to procure
supper, lodging and breakfast.
After supper, and during the evening,
while talking fire insuran &C. and after
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1905-09-14

about eight o'clock in the morning, when
he made the farmer point blank offer
of $3.50 county, for the 90 counties. He
said, as he did so, that he had formerly
been school teacher in place several
miles south, which point he was making
for, as he wanted to collect some money
due him. He explained that, as the
farmer would have to procure papers
from the general agent, before he could
deed them to him, he would return in
three days, or four at the outside, and re-
ceive the deeds and settle in full for
them. And as evidence of good faith, he
brought out his valise, and unlocking it,
took out large roll of bills with four
or five $500 wrappers, and said:
"To show you that mean business, l
will deposit $500 with you, and when
I return, and you have the deeds ready,
| will pay the balance"
Then placing the roll of money back in
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1905-09-14
NO TWO TREES ALIKE.
The Successful orchardist Has to
Study the Peculiar Character
istics of the Tree.

One tree differs from another. Even
those of the same variety will diff
Ter in important ways. In habits OF
growth and productivity two trees or
the same kind may show as great a
difference as is to be found between
many varieties. The fruit, too, is by
no means uniform. The apple affords
a good field for the study of these diff
ferences. Two trees in an orchard,
standing side by side, will differ in
quantity and quality of fruit, uniform
ity OF production and in every other
way. 1t is worth while to note these
differences. If man is starting new
orchard, he can scarcely do better than
to take the buds or scions required
from trees that he is acquainted with.
He can be reasonably certain that his
new trees will resemble the one from
which the buds or scionS arc taken.
Productivity, uniformity, quality, early
maturity, hardness, anything can be
''bred into" a tree by keeping in mind
the principle that like produces like. I
Prairie Farmer.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1905-09-14

to the increase of tax, and established
boycott against the unWelcOme col
lectors, pursued policy so rigid the
collectors were not admitted to inter-
course with the dealers; they could find
no houses to live in. There was great
uproar, and agents were sent to Picking
OH both sides. 1t was more than prob
able that the authorities at Picking
were to have shared IN the benefits, but
when they found the strength of the
gilds arrayed against them they yielded
with what grace they could.
Other instances of the boycott are
given. Transportation companies are
made to pay claims for damaged goods
to an extent considered very unjust,
but if they were refused, Immediately a
boycott would be passed on them, and
they would have no cargoes to carry.
The boards of trade at various ports are
showing different attitude to the for
eigner from that formerly obtaining,
impose restrictions which the white
devil' may accept or refuse, at pleas
ure, but if he refuse presently there is
nothing doing in business his way.
Once the great exporters were foreign
ers, to-day the Chinese are bringing
their goods to the ships and sending them
forth themselves. Throughout China
the great American firms have disap-
peared and the great English houses
are dwindling in number and impor-
lance"
1t is thought the boycott will spread
to the furthermost parts of the king
dom. The Brooklyn Eagle thus speaks
of the strong anti-American feeling:
Opposition has developed to various
railway enterprises in which American
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1905-09-14

Tmnorts from China to the United States
in the ten months corresponding with the
above.
taken a year or two ago the measures
now directed by the president for lib
eral and just administration OF the Chi
nese exclusion law. These Chinese do
not object, and believe will not object,
to the exclusion of coolie labor what
they do object to is the treatment OF
the privileged or exempt class"
An opposite view is held by foreign
paper the Singapore Free Press. 1t re-
fers to the wording of the protest
drawn UP at Shanghai, wherein Amer
leans are accused of severe restriction
against all Chinese "laborers." The
Singapore paper thinks the use OF the
word laborers shows plainly that the
exclusion of coolies is cause for COM
plant; and goes on to speak OF the
growing democracy in China, the rise OF
the knowledge that mans man
even if he is coolie. 1t this be the
true view, the question is put whether
it will be possible for this country TO
obtain another treaty excluding
coolies.
The other day at the trans Mississippi
congress, held at the Portland EXPOSE
ton. the president of the congress, me
odorA K Wilcox, came out openly for
coolie admission in limited numbers.
But the governor Of Oregon declared we
must have stringent law excluding
Chinese coolies, in spite of the threat
ened boycott.
Stephen Bonsa1, in forceful article
in the New York Herald, tells us some
thing of the character and strength OF
the merchant gilds in the Flowery King
dom; and as it is the merchants OF the
treaty ports that have sprung the boy
colt, the question of the gilds is matter
of timely interest. Mr.. BOnsal asserts
that the gilds are stronger than any
provincial or imperial power, and that
the Chinese government would find lit
tie success in trying to force different
attitude on the boycott on America,
even if the government were anxious to
appease this country, which just at the
moment seems rather uncertain thing.
As Mr. Bonsal remarks: japan is en-
forcing the doctrine of Asia for the Ash
atics, and Japan is installed in Peklng.
Once we may have entered our goods
into their ports with smallest OF import
charge, and, backed by fleets and arm
les, on this side, charged duties ranging
from 40 to 100 per cent ad valorem; but
those good old days are past and gone,
Cancellation now mnzt be our annrL
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1905-09-14

or Illinois in patent gate and door
spring. and went to that state, among
relatives, to sell the spring attachments
and to dispose of the territory. On ar
irving at the home of one of my farmer
relatives, found them all in a turmoil,
and in frame Of mind to lynch anyone
in the patent right business.
A few days before my arrival, a very
slick, well-dressed gentleman had called
upon one of their rich neighbors, and
represented himself to be the general
agent of a washing machine. He was
anxious to establish an agency for the
sale of both the machine and county or
state rights, and said to the farmer:
Now, sir, you have been recommend
ed to me as being just the man am look
ing for, and to start with, want to as
sure you that don't propose to give you
q penny of my money, nor do | ask for
a penny of yours. Idont propose to give
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1905-09-14
Doomed to Bachelorhood.

Friend say, Jack, why don't you
marry, and settle down?
Jack-Can't.
"you have good income?"
eyes"
"And your aunt left you charm
ing house?"
"Yes.''
"Then why don't you hunt up q
wife?"
"Oh, wife is easy enough to get;
that isn't the trouble
Then what's the matter?"
II can't find a servant grin. Y,
Weekly.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1905-09-14

Ga, female much enlarged; b, foot OF
same enlarged; e, antenna or feeler; d.,
wing; f and g, last segments of the
female abdomen; i. last ventral segments
of the male. Marlatt, Circular %, U. S.
Dept. of Ayr, Div. of Entomology
what resembling the horn of buffalo,
and from this comes the common name
of the insect This insect feeds upon
a great variety of plants. 1t does its
chief injury while depositing it's eggs,
in August These are deposited in the
limbs of various trees, including the
apple. Clean culture Of orchards will
do much to keep down these insects,
says the FARMERS Review. Where
many eggs are deposited on limb, the
only remedy is to cut off the limb
and burn it, but this may be done in
the late fall or early spring, at which
times it is easier than at the pres
emit time to discover the eggs.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1905-09-14
Accounts for the Mystery.

"And SO the Romans once invaded
Great Britain said Miss Gillgal, to
whom her Uncle Charles had been
reading Of Caesars conquests. "That
accounts for il. then
Accounts for what?" asked Uncie
Charles.
For there being so many Latin words
which resemble our English ones. The
Romans very naturally picked up good
many of our expressions while in Eng
land. Wonder I never thought Of that
before. Boston Transcript.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1905-09-14
BUFFALO TREE HOPPER.
One of the Insects Which Causes
Damage to the Orchard-When
and How to Fight Him.

The Buffalo tree hopper is light
green, three-cornered insect, about
third of an inch in length. What
appears to be the head, really the
thorax, is large and broad and ter
inmates abruptly, having on either side
a short, sharp spine or thorn, some
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1905-09-14

class. Indeed, in his opinion, if the ex-
clusion laws were repealed, the Chinese
government would itself pass laws for
bidding coolies to come to this coun-
try. The government has contract to
furnish laborers for the mines of South
Africa, and has difficulty in securing
men enough to fill these contracts.
Mr.. Conger, whom the president has
appointed special commissioner to go
to China for the purpose of arresting
the boycott, says: 81 firmly believe
there would have been no boycott de-
clared against American goods in China
had the immigration service itself
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1905-09-14
Hard to Keep Track oil Them,

do you remember. DEAR" he asked.
as they sat down on one of the rustic
seats at the summer resort, that !
cut our initials on this tree behind ua
three or four years ago?''
why, no, George" she replied. Il
don't remember that. Are you sure"
He Arose. walked around the tree,
and inspected the bark closely.
"Yes,r he said. tits the tree, all
right, but 1t was another girl.'-Chi-
cago Tribune