Chicago eagle. [volume] (Chicago, Ill.) 1889-19??, 1905-03-04
*


Grumbling what's the
reason you raise the price of your coal
every month? Dealcr-Well. we find
the people keep ON paying it.--Chicago
Tribune.
Don't he ashamed of work." said
Uncle Eben. sometimes de man wifi
de wheelbarrow ain got nigh as much
trouble as de man wifi de automobile"
,-Washington Star.
1T Is difficult for people TO get what
they really deserve in this life" ut
is difficult for some Of u.s." answered
Miss Cayenne: "others have to dodge"
Washington star.
Spellblnder--1've nailed seventeen
different lies during this campaign.
Voice from Audience--Have you got a
union carpenters card, cull?-Louis.
vile Courier journal.
They've added another man to the
force working on the new postotiice
building" rs that so!" Yes, one
| OF the boys employed became Of ago
yesterday cleveland Plain Dealer.
Money doesn't make the man." said
the higli-browcd and naughty youth.
NO." answered Senator Sorghum, 1T
doesn't make the man. but sometimes
1t makes the candidate Washington
Star.
Wanted a Circus: The Child-Are
| you the trained nurse mamma said was
| coming? The Nurseries. dear; I'm
| the trained nurse. The Child--Lets
see some of your tricks.-Brooklyn
Life.
Bridc-Goorge. dear. when we reach
our destination let us try to avoid CIV
ing the impression that we are newly
| married. Gcorgc-All right. Maud;
you can carry this suit case.-New
Yorker.
| II wonder why they call these apart.
| ments HATS That doesn't mean any
| thing" mo. perhaps the man who
first invented them happened to look
ut the building plan sidcwisc. "--Phila-
delpha Press.
/ Another Victim: Ncwsboy-Grcat
mystery! Fifty victims! Purchaser
Here! | say. There's nothing In your
paper! Newsboy--That's the mystery,
guv'nor. You're the iifty-iirst victim.
ILLUSTRATED Bits.
"She must be very brilliant WON.
an, for I hear that she says so much
that Is worth remembering" Indeed
she does. She teaches the multiplied.
ton table In the primary grade
Cleveland Leader.
Pats Trouble: An Irishmnn came to
n doctor complaining that he had
noises In his head. "Oi have thin arl
the tonne" lie said. IAN sometimes
OF can hear thin nifty feet away"-
Lippincott's Magazine.
"Why did the congregation hurry
out 30 suddenly after the bcnedlction7'
"The sexton makes them leave their
umbrellas I'm the vcstibule. and those
who get ont late haven't much Of q
choice. "-Clcvclnnd Plain Dealer.
She Was Worried: The Minister
My dear madam. let this thought con.
sole you for your husbands death. Re.
member that other and better men
than lie have gone the same way.
Bcreavcd Widow-They haven't all
gone. have they:-Tit.Bits.
Just Avoiding q Cuss Word: Grayce
War! War! War! Gladys-What on
earth are you hollerlng war" about?
Graycc-I just struck my thumb with
the hammer. Gladys--Wcll, what's
i 4. IL, To
you know what war is:--Louisvllle
COurier-Journal.
She Meant Well "Now. Tommy"
said Mrs. Bull, II want YOU to DO good
while I'm out" "l'll be good for a
lnic.el." replied Tommy. Tommy"
said she. II want you TO remember
that you cannot be II son OF mine I'M
less you are good for nothing. Louis,
lVille Courler.Journal.
I Dentist (who has pulled the wrong
tOoth)--I see how made the mistake.
{ counted the molars from the back
Instead of the front. You don't seem
Ito have cut your wisdom teeth yet,
tyoung man. GrOanlng Pntent--rhat's
evident from the choice made of a
Identist.--Chicago Tribune.
Directions for Use.-The inventor of
new feeding bottle for infants sent
out the following among his directions
for using: "Whcn the baby is done
drinking il must be unscrewed and laid
IN a cool place under the hydrant. II
the baby does not thrive on fresh milk
Il should be boiled. '--Collier's Weekly.