davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1905-09-02

by shrill screams of ladies, but later
found they were meant to be lauda-
tory. Didn't see why 1 should be called
on to entertain mummy's. visitors. so
cried. Taken upstairs again
4:15-Just fallen asleep when taken
downstairs again More visitors.
Cried at absurdity of proceedings.
Was appeased by hearing watch tick
ing. Watch lent by gentleman visi-
tor.
4:16-Watch broken. Recommended
crying. Taken upstairs once more.
4:3O-Taken downstairs again. More
visitors. Heard remark to effect that
1 closely resemb1ed daddy. Cried.
4:25-Upset cup of tea in lady visi-
tors lap. She said it didn't matter.
Fear she does not tell truth. Bad ex-
ample for child. Would like to repri-
mand her, but can't.
SOCIAL visitors gone. Greatly re-
1ieved. Head aches and feel tired.
5:O5-Lyipg down again. Thankful
for respite.
6:3O-Return of daddy from work,
accompanied by friend called Jones.
Am taken downstairs once more
Jones, though obviously alarmed, is
forced to handle me- Discovered that
beard of Jones does not come off
when pulled. #
7:OO-Heard daddy tell story of how
1 pulled cats tail. Bored, having heard
same story 65 times previously. Yarn
strikes me as singularly bald and silly,
but Jones laughs. Fear Jones is not a
straightforward man.
7:3O-Daddy danced me on his knee.
Hate dancing on knees. Jones yawns.
Sympathize with Jones. Wish 1 could
point out to parents Stiffness of which
they are guilty. Alas, can only cry.
Do this heartily. III
8:3O-Mummy and daddy still re-
garding me with pride. Sudden depar-
ture of Jones, remembering engage
ment of supreme importance.
Bed at last. Nearly asleep when
mummy came in to look at me and
disturbed me. Nearly asleep again
when daddy stole into room on tiptoe,
to look at me. Cried.
10-Sound asleep when daddy and
mummy came in together to look at
me. Disguised, and resolve to cease
being a baby at earliest possible OPP
portunity-English Home Chat.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1905-09-02

S:00-Awakened by mummy look
ing down at me as if she expected me
to do something clever. So 1 cried.
Mummy satisfied.
S:30-Breakfast Mummy, with
short-sighted Iiberality, insisted on me
eating too much. Cried again. Per
sonally detest crying, but not being
able to speak, can only protest against
indignities in this manner.
9:15-Daddy departed for work,
after kissing me savagely- Daddy-has
stiff bristly mustache. Naturally, l
cried.
9: 35-Bathed. Water first too warm,
then too cold. Cried Wish l could
call mummy's attention to the fact that
the human hand is not an infallible
thermometer. Glad to be put to bed
again. Got a chance to get warm.
11:00-Awakened for an airing.
Wanted more sleep, so cried again.
Fear that before long supply of tears
will not be sufficient for demand.
12:OO-Airing unsatisfactory. 1 am
left in draft while nurse has confiden-
tial conversation with cousin in red
coat.
12:3O-Returned home, crying. Mum
my, laDOr1nS unQ0T MISTAKEN nOllOu,
remarked. ''Zere, zere! OATS all RI,
90 pity little singsi Did 90 have a
pain, zen?' AS a matter of fact 1 was
anxious to draw her attention to sin
gu1arly sharp-pointed pin sticking into
my person. N. B.-Wish they would
not address me in strange dialects 1t
may have a detrimental effect on my
subsequent education.
1:OO-Dined. Mummy has peculiar
ideas concerning digestibility of food
for babies. Cried.
2:00-Put to bed. Investigated with
lips head of wooden doll. Found taste
to be bizarre, but fascinating.
3:0O-Awakened to have new dress
put on. Prefer old one. Don't see
sense of dress with blue ribbons
which get into mouth. Cried.
3:30-Explored portion of coal scut-
tie. Discovered that coal is not clean
ly. Old dress put on again. Disliked
fierce expression in nurses eye, so
cried Told by nurse 1 was an artful
little monkey. Flattered.
4:00-Taken downstairs to see visi-
tors. Rugged uncomfortably. Alarmed
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1905-09-02
Cash.


The preachers in the pu1pits and the wise
men everywhere
Who have to earn their "vittles' and the
raiment that they wear
Are earnestly declaring, men have
since Adams fall,
That the rich are far from happy and
that money isn't all;
Q, their logic is delightful and their rea-
soning profound
But cash is still rather handy thing to
have around.
The professors keep explaining that the
richest men those
Who possess the deepest knowledge and
are free from petty woes;
Much We hear of tainted money and the
heartacheS that it brings
To its pitiful pOSsessors, the perturbed
financial kings;
We are constantly reminded of "the last
six feet of ground''-
But cash is still a rather handy thing
to have around
He that works from early morning till
the shadows fall at night.
She that SewS with aching fingers while
her cheeks thin and white,
May be heaping future treasures where
the saints in glory dwell. 90
But the rich mans auto passes, leaving
trails of dust and SMELL
He is free from tolls exactiOnS, and he
probably has found
That cash is still a rather handy thing
to have around
S. E. Kiser in Chicago Record Herald
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1905-09-02
DIDN'T NEED THE MONEY.
Elderly Man Declined to Prevaricate
for Fifty Cents

for Fifty Cents.
The Hon. David Barker, poet and
lawyer of Penobscot county, Me-, used
to relate the following on himself:
There was an old man where he
commenced practice who never would
pay bills until forced to by law. One
day Mr.. Barker received a bill against
the old man for collection, with orders
to sue at once, but instead of suing at
once he sent a kindly letter, asking
the delinquent to call and settle and
save costs The only result was the
old man took great pains to talk about
and ridicule the young lawyer at the
corner grocery and postof1ce.
Finally suit was brought and .judg-
ment rendered, with costs. One of
the cost items was fifty cents for the
letter. To this the old man objected
strenuously- Finally the lawyer said:
IF you will take back what you said
about me at the store and postofice,
and say you was mistaken and you
guess that young lawyer is a pretty
good fellow after. all, I will throw out
that item ~ go
To this the old man replied: ct am
an old man; over 80 years old I've
done a great mary mean things in my
day, but / am too near eternity to tell
such a gosh dafned lie as that for fifty
cents.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1905-09-02

81 wonder what's the matter with
that horse. said man to his wife
while he was in the act of unhitching
the animal at Thirty-fourth street and
Gfrard avenue yesterday The horse
was rearing and plunging and dis
playing signs of terror whenever his
master came near him. A passerby
came to his aid, and while quietine
the animal explained to the owner 81
noticed" said he, that you just came
out of the Zoo. over there A slight
scent of the wild animals has chung
to your clothing. and. although your
horse has probably never seen any
thing wilder than COW, his instinct
tells him that where that scent is
there is danger 1t will wear on soon.
and you will have no more trouble
Philadelphia Record.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1905-09-02
HERNHARDT AND MARIE LLOYD.
When Music Hall Artist Was First
and Sarah Only Second

and Sarah Only Second.
Sarah Bernhard has told in her
memoirs, recently published, about
the result of the final examination at
the Paris conservatory, says the Pitts
burg Dispatch. She was, she says.
almost overcome, failing to receive
even honorable mention for her per-
Torrance in tragedy and obtaining
only the second prize for her work in
comedy. The first prize went to Marie
Lloyd, who afterward became a music
hall artistic.
OF her chagrin and disappointment
on that occasion Nine. Bernhard
writes:
1.-THE tall girl I had pushed went
forward, looking graceful and radiant
as she arrived on the stage. There
were a few protestations, but her
beauty, her distinction and her charm
won the day with every one, so that
Marie Lloyd was heartily applauded-
AS she passed near me she kissed me
affectionately. We were great friends
and 1 liked her very much, but 1
always considered her a nullity as a
pupil. 1 do not know whether she had
received any prize the year before,
but no one expected her to have the
prize. 1 was simply petrified with
amazement. Second prize for COM
edy, Mdlle. Bernhardt.' I had not
heard, but I was pushed on the stage,
and while / was bowling I could see
hundreds of Marie Lloyds dancing
about in front of me. Some of them
made grimaces at me; others threw
kisses; some of them were tanning
themselves, others were bowling; they
were all very tall, all these Marie
Lloyds; they were higher than the
ceilings; they walked over peoples
heads and they came to me, Selling
me, sitting me and crushing my
heart. My face, it appears, was whittier
than my Dress
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1905-09-02
WHY HIS ARDoR WAIVED.
Touch Of Real Life Drove all the
Romance Away.

Romance Away.
On Friday evening two lovers were
seated on camp stools, placed in as
quiet and romantic "a corner as the
after deck of a Coney Island steam
boat affords. AS the boat passed
Fort Hamilton, an opening in the
trees disclosed pretty, snug little
house, partly covered with vines, and
the young man said:
wouldn't it be fine to have little
cottage like that, with all the front
covered with ivy and honeysuckle and
roses?''
''Oh, wouldn't it," exclaimed the
girl joyfully.
And when a fellow comes home
tired from business to have a nice
little wife to meet him at the door
with "a
Yes"
"And then the winter nights, the fire
burning brightly in the coy parlor,
and you-I mean a wife-at the piano
singing in the cleaning"
s'I think it would be just too sweet
for anything"
"And then"
But just there a careworn woman
with bawling twins in her arms totter-
ed by them and he changed the sub
ject--New York Press
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1905-09-02

met girl at last who will take your
place in my heart and 1 am going to
love her always and try and make her
happy. / wanted to be first to tell you
this, we have always been such close
friends, never imagined 1 could want
any one else for my wife. But, you
see. It's all so useless my expecting
you to love me, and l think my future
wife cares for me more than 1 am
worthy Of She is one of Gods best
works, sweet, Straightforward GIRL
and Billy barred his young head rever-
emily.
Miss Courtwright's absent gaze was
fixed on the sparkling water; she
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1905-09-02

Miss Courtwright stood looking
down the rose-bordered walk toward
the white road She hummed a little
tune and tapped her white clad foot
in accompaniment
For the first time since her mothers
death, three years ago, she had taken
of her plain black dress, and to-day
she was all in flmy white in honor OF
Billy's coming. She was thinking of
Billy as she stood there, of his fresh,
boyish enthusiasm, his invigorating
personality and his love for her
which never seemed to change, al
though she had told him every sun
day for weeks that he was not the
kind of a man she could marry.
And after this dash of cold water,
Billy would look very thoughtful for
fully thirty minutes.
They had known each other for al
most five years. Billy had met her
abroad when she had been travelling
with her mother, and the tender, fra
gne little mother had been complete
ly won by Billy's smile.
AS for Billy, 81 never knew what my
: mother was like" he said to her once,
'.but she must have been. just like
you"
They had been so much to each
other, this mother and daughter, and
since the mothers death Billy had
never missed spending his Sundays in
the little town where Mrs. Court
wright had died and where her daugh-
ter lived. He realized how lonely the
girl must be, and although sne would
not admit it herself. the impressive
stiffness of the big house was very
trying at times.
To-day was one of those perfect
days in June and Miss Courtwright, as
she stood in the door was glad, in a
vague sort of way, to be alive.
Dear Billy" she unused tenderly to
herself, Il wonder why he doesn't
marry some sweet dimpled little girl
and leave me to enjoy my spinster-
hood in peace" But the smile died
out OF her eyes at the ,hougnt. 1t was
useless to deny that Sunday was the
brightest day in the week to her, and
the last few Sundays especially had
become very delightful memories.
Could she ever forget the time they
had broken the Sabbath by fishing in
the big lake behind the. house, her wild
excitement when she had first felt a
tug at her line; how they had worked
to land the big fish, and how dirty and
wet aid happy they both had been!
She had told him that day, as she had
for many weeks past, that she had no
intention of marrying him and
he had responded, as was customary,
that he would not mention the subject
again.
Finally Miss Courtwright opened the
screen door and moved with a slow
grace out on the porch. A tall young
man in white f1annels was coming up
the walk
why, Billy, you're late,' exclaimed
his hostess, gayly. But better late
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1905-09-02
shockinq Confession.

Benedict is New Haven man who
has been eight times the father of a
bouncing bounder. In the outskirts of
the university city is a little town
among the hills named Prospect, and
last year four of the children were
sent there for the summer
One day Benedict and his wife
entertained at dinner a new acquaint-
ance, Prof. B. The professor is a
bachelor, and. like many scholarly
men, rather i'll at ease in society
what a fine little family of child
rem you have" he began with an adj
miring glance at the four stay-at-
homes
Eyes, indeed, replied Benedict
proudly, land we have four more in
Prospect"
The professor blushed his astonish-
ment-Lippincott's-
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1905-09-02
French Wit.

Clyde Fitch was discussing French
wit
THE wit of France" he said, won't
bear transplanting. We shouldn't like
it here. 1t is too subtle, too unex-
pected, too delicate, and, above all, too
wicked.
81 heard yesterday a~French witt
cism that exemplifies well the Calls
qualities of subtlety, delicacy and
wickedness.
1.-TWO clubmen meet, and the first
says:
"sWhat is the matter, Charles? You
look blue Has your wife caught you
kissing that pretty governess of
yours?'
Charles groaned. ~
"'Worse than that he replied. The
pretty governess caught me kissing
my wife, -
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1905-09-02
Beans Grew THROUGH BAD,

When a Dover, N. H, man finished
planting his pole beans he left the
bag containing the leftover seed in
the grass beside the tree. He found
the bag the other day firmly rooted to
the ground. The bottom layer OF
beans had sprouted and the roots en-
bedded themselves in the turf. The
upper layers had swelled and served
asa mulching for the vines, the tops
of which protruded from the mouth
of the bag
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1905-09-02


seemed intensely interested in study
ing it's blue depths.
After few minutes she turned her
clear gray eyes on Billy and smiled
her slow, understanding smile, I'm
glad, Billy" she said, simply, land 1
know you will be happy
If there was a note of sadness in
her voice Billy did not seem to notice
it.
Tell me all about her, she con-
tinued, for 1 want to know some
thing of the girl who is to be your
wife,
Thus encouraged, Billy began an
enthusiastic description, and Miss
Courtwright listened, still with a far
off look in her eyes.
'tShe is beautiful he said. vaguely,
'sand dark haired and altogether ador-
able"
TALL" asked Miss Courtwright.
whose glorious hair was the color of
ripe wheat.
mo, short and plump and dimpled, :"
replied the enraptured Billy.
81 hate dimples," quickly decided
Miss Courtwright to herself But
aloud, 81 know 1 shall love her dear
ly."
Suddenly he pulled out his watch,
and started to his ieet- ct must hur-
ry off," he announced. Its too bad.
but I have an important engagement
in town and cannot stay to tea
He shook hands hurriedly and went
swiftly up the path and was lost to
Miss Courtwright's watching eyes.
About an hour later Miss Court
wright made her way to the house
and up the stairs to her room; she
went straight to her full length mir
ror and examined herself with un-
finching gray eyes. Did it show in
her face, she wondered, all of her that
| had lived and died within the last
hour.
You fool" she said to the girl in
the glass, you utter, utter FOOL
Slowly she unfastened the white
gown and let it slip to the floor, and
from her wardrobe she took simple
| black dimlty. There was a cynical
little smile on her lips.
He didn't even mention my white
Dress she murmured. 81 guess that
girl wears bright blues and glaring
| p1nks- Oh, how hate her, I do hate
her. How could Billy do it? But 1t
| makes no difference to me-"
i And Miss Courtwright powdered her
nose, brushed up q few stray tendrils
of hair and went down to partake OF
her coy little tea on the porch. telling
herself, very emphatlcally. that she
was quite happy. She repeated the
| apparently obvious assertion more
than once during the course of hel
solitary meal
And then all at once while the twi
light fell Miss Courtwright found her
self sobbing quietly.
Billy" she said, broken1y. longing
1y, 81 love you, didn't you know, dear
love you. now that it is too late"
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1905-09-02
VILLAGE Held Upv ev Bees.

The extraordinary spectacle of vii
1age held up by swarm of bees was
witnessed at Weston-on-Trent near
Derby, this week, says an English ex-
change.
The bees became Infatuated because
an attempt to occupy tenanted hives
was, after a tremendous battle, re-
pulsed. The whole village was soon
alive with mad bees; the main street
was quite impossible, and people had
to shut themselves in their houses.
Six fowls were stung to death; in
deed, :s1e insects attacked everything
that came within reach.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1905-09-02
Peculiar Shift Of Granite.

A block of granite weighing over
300 900 pounds, fiat on top and with
clean breaks on two sides, has been
found near Woodbury., VT. Three hun
dred feet north is seen the ledge from
which the block broke away. The
two are on about the same level, but
between them rises a barrier of gran
tie fifteen feet high. Local biologists
are trying to figure out what natural
causes brought about the shift in the
position of the block.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1905-09-02
TurtIe poubIv Inscribed.

The turtle discovered at Easton last
week was inscribed all right, just as
every well-ordered turtle Ought to be
when discovered, but this one was un-
usually marked: e.. NJ Thayer, 1871.
Easton Mass" was plainly visible,
while above this and apparently made
long before was the date "181S." L.
NJ Thayer has been dead some TWEEN
ty years.-Boston Globe.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1905-09-02
KIM Buried in Wax.

King Edward I. of England died
July z, 1907, and 400 years later the
English Society of Antiquarians open
ed his tomb in order to find out if he
really had been buried in wax, as the
legend ran. The chronicIer of the
time remarks: ITO their great aston
ishment they found the royal corpse
to appear as represented by the his.
torian." Although "the skull appeared
bare, the face and hands seemed per-
fectly entire The king was found to
be 6 feet inches in length, thus full.
ly justifying his nickname of Long
shanks. ~
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1905-09-02
Has Rare aim.

George r. McKenna of Westerly, r.
l., has 81 bill of the series of 1862
On the face it bears the medallion
portrait of Washington and a scene at
the landing of Columbus. The back is
the same as any 'greenback.'' The
note has the 1ady1ike signature of
John Allison, registrar, and the bold
hand of G. E. Spinner, treasurer.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1905-09-02
Graves in EnqIish Road.

Near Worthing Station (Eng-) there
is a small graveyard in the center OF
the road, containing three graves. A
mill once stood there, and the owner
deposed in his will that he should be
hurled where the mill stood.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1905-09-02

than never Shall we sit here or go
down by the lake?"
The lake for me-" answered Billy.
Then earnestly, Il want to talk to you,
Edith l have something to tel you-''
This was his usual beginning. Miss
Courtwright sighed in mock resigna-
ton.
Again" she Queried gently, Il
thought you were never to speak of
that subject" - y
Bi1ly's face flushed slightly at her
words. 81 am not gong to speak of
that subject" he said, slowly, as they
sat down on the rocks by the water
lever again." He was watching her
face intently as he spoke 81 have
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1905-09-02
In Early Days of Railroads.

So A writer to the New York Mirror
of 1910, in. the course of a rhapsody
on the railway, says: "Dueling and
changing horses and separate rooms
are at an end-our light literature
must now become woven with steam
our incidents must arise from blow
ups, and love be made over broken
legs; while here the novelist will have
to record the falling in of a tunnel,
the only chance left for a touch of the
sublime" Trains then proceeded IN
der wonderfully good condition occa-
sionally at the awe-inspiring speed of
thirty-five miles an hour as a maxi
mum.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1905-09-02
An Epiqram.

During a discussion of Oscar
Wilde's interesting posthumous work,
de Profundis.' an editor said:
ST had the honor of meeting Wilde
in London on the opening night of
his amusing comedy, The Importance
of Being Earnest A little group or
US got supper at the Carton and dur
ing supper the subject of epigrams
came up
epigramist, the duty of defining an
epigram was assigned.
He thought 4 moment, smiled
slightly, and then, in his low and pleas
ant voice, he said:
".An epigram is a commonplace
couched so adroitly that only clever
people can tell what it means"
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1905-09-02
rrue New ENGLAND crit.

The grit of Moses Weare. the cape
Neddick.s Me-. fisherman, who smoked
q cigar and never f1inched while the
doctor amputated a finger, which had
been mangled in his fishing tackle il
exciting considerable comment
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1905-09-02
dlU xaT 1ll1n
aa!2llEZ2!2@

Logic.
The Farmer was swinging his scythe with
His Donkey was turning the primitive
mill:
The Learned Logician of Lalli- Bazan
Steoo watching the labors OF Donkey ana
MY friend auoth the Solver of Tangled
What xs use e j, is the bell that your animal
why" answered the Farmer. ait tells
1t rings while he moves; when he stops
it is mute;
"And so. though I'm acres away at my
I'll know if the gray-coated scamp is a
Right wen,' cried the Sage; but sup
posing, instead
OF working. your Donkey just waggled his
head:
''The bell would still ring like steeple
And how would you know he was taking
rest?"
The Farmer looked hard at the Sage Git
appears
Suspecting the length of the logical ears).
Then. giving the haunch of his servant
Gid-dapt''
Arthur Guiterman in New York Times
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1905-09-02
TIE Confenfed Man

Contented? What makes him contented?
The comforts that struggles have
gained.
Which men discontented invented.
The safety that fighters obtained
Content in the mire would still wallow,
With trogledytes huddled in caves,
Or find in trees ready hollow
The shelter animal Graves
Content binders progress and action
And cultivates ignorant sloth,
Counts study sort of distraction,
And pities the follies of both
Content maketh freenen dependent.
And fastenS the shackleS slaves.
Its motion is ever descendant.
To bitches and pauPers' sad graves.
But the reverent, hearty submission
To Deity'S footstool men bring,
After toiling with little fruition,
Is different, manlier thing
w. i Herbert.