Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1905-02-24
:. .ff.u.r,T1o!,.r ! /.


At "a Party-Rudolph, can you cat
your own meat" "Humph!' said Ru-
dolph, who was saving away. "Can't
I? I've cutsa great deal tougher meat
than this at H6fnesfs - :, s~a- = =,
Doctor-Ah! out for a constitution.
al? She-Yes; walk two miles be-
fore breakfast every morning for my
complexion. Doctor-Is the drug store
SO far as that?-Exchange.
Mr.. A. Chrome Mrs. Newriche-
And who is this by? Picture Dealer
That is a chrome, madam. Mrs.
Newriche-Oh, yes, of courseETit is.
Now that you mention it, I recognize
his style.
Softleigh-When I-aw-awsked her
foh her hand in mawriage her bwutal
father thweatened to-aw-bwain me,
doncher know. Miss Cutting-That's
just like her father. He always was
fond of a joke.-Chicago Daily News.
Usual Invitation-A lady was asked
by another where she and her hus-
band had taken up their abode. "Oh,"
she replied, 1--WE are living by the
canal at present. We should be de-
lighted if you would drop in some even
ing"
A Proper Study.-Wall Street-So
your son is studying law. Do you ex-
pect that he will stick to it? Specu-
lator-Oh, no; 1 just want him to know
enough about it so that he will be able
to evade it successfully.-De Free
Press.
A Fight in It.-"As Shakespeare
says" remarked Cassidy, who was
fond Of airing his .'book larnin' " oc-
casionally, what's in name?'
"Well," replied Casey, "call me wan
that OF don't like an Oill show ye."-
Philadelphia Press.
Bearitt-Things were awfully dull
on Change to-day. Absolutely moth
ing doing in stocks. The buyers and
sellers failed to get together. Mrs.
Beautifully don't you mark some OF
the stock down and advertise a bar
gain sale?-Chicago News.
"Maude graduated from your cook
ing school last spring, didn't she?'
"Yes; but she's going to take post.
graduate course this fall" ''Then she's
really going back to the school?" "Oh
no; she's to be married to a poor young
man."-Catholic Standard-Times.
A Real Curiosity.-That is curious
looking cane, major" said the visitor
"a memento of the war of the rebel
lion, L suppose?" eyes, Christmas
present" replied the old veteran. 'I1
was made from the hollow log 1 occu
pied at the famous battle of Bull
Run"
Lyles-Did you ever come across 6
more conceited fellow than Bulger
They say he is an atheist; and l be
lieve he is. Bonter-I wouldn't like
to go SO far as that; but l do know
that he doesn't recognize the exist
ence of a superior being.-Town an(
Country.
The Strange Hen-You'd hardly be
the country from which 1 came in
cubators are unknown. The Modern
Hen-Goodness gracious. 1 suppose
the simple-minded folk out that wa!
still believe that hens sphere is he
nest.-Town Topics.
Directions for Use.-The inventor O.
a new feeding bottle for infants sen
out the following among his direc
tons for using: when the baby il
done drinking it must be unscrewet
hydrant. If the baby does not thriv,
on fresh milk it should be boiled"
Deacon Good-Don't you think i
cruel for you to draw fish out of hi
native element by a sharp iron hook
Fisher Boy-It's no fault of mine
When I'm just giving worm salt
water bath, what does a fish want t,
hook himself onto my line for? tt
no business of .his.-Boston Transcript
Honest Polioy.-An Irishman som,
years ago entered Mr.. Hanna's Office
took off his hat politely and said: ''Th
top of the mornin' to ye, Misther Han
ma. Eve been told ye're wantin' Q
help" 81 have very little to do,' re
piled Mr.. Hanna, with quiet smile O
humor. "Then," said the Irishman
'.I'm the boy for yez. It's little car
about doin', sure; it's the money Tn
after"
| Explanatory Rheumatism.-Martha
the colored washerwoman, was com
planning of her husbands health t.
one of her patrons. Hes ve'y poly
ma am; ve'y poly. He's got dat ex
clamatory rheumatism" You meal
inflammatory, Martha. Exclamator,
is from exclaim, which means to CT,
out" Eyes, miss" answered Martha
with conviction, "dat's what it is. H
hoIIers all de time.".
At a public school one of the boy
in class had committed some grav
infraction of discipline. The teache
announced that he would thrash th
whole class if some one did not tel
him who had committed the offense
All were silent, and he began witt
the first boy and thrashed everyone il
the class until he finally reached tn
last one Then he said. ssNou !;