Lawrence democrat. (Lawrenceburg, Tenn.) 1884-1925, 1905-06-23

morning before you had aired out the
place. Your ears must have burned
when we we're talking about you.
If you want to get an idea of Ma
PIES at its worst, go down into your
cellar and round up all the Goldfish,
onions, kraut. limberger cheese, kero-
sene, rotten potatoes, and everything
that is dead, put it all in bushel
basket, and just before the health Of
ficers come to pull your place get
down on your knees, and put your
head down in the basket, and let some
one sit on your head all the forenoon,
and you will have just such half day
as dad and | had in the poor quarter
of Naples, and it will not cost you half
as much as it did us. unless. after
you have enjoyed yourself in your eel
lar with your head in the basket, you
decide to have a run of sickness and
hire a doctor who will charge you the
price of trip to Europe,
Well, sir, Naples is a dandy, in its
clean part. The bay of Naples is a
dead ringer for Milwaukee bay, in
shape and beauty, but Milwaukee lacks
Vesuvius and Pompeii, for suburbs,
and she lacks the customary highway
men to hold you up Every man, WON
en- and child we have met makes a
living out of the tourists, and nobody
that have seen works at any other
business
We woke up the first morning and
dad looked out the window and saw
Wesuvius belching forth flame, and
lava and stone fences, and wanted to
turn in fire alarm, but told him
that that fire had been raging ever
since the Christian era, and was not
one of these incendiary barn burnings,
but he opened the window and yelled
fire, and the porters and chamber
maids came running to our room, with
buckets of water, and wanted to know
where the fire was. Dad pointed out
of the window towards Vesuvius and
said: Some hired girl has been start
ing fire with kerosene, in that shan
ty on the knoll out there, and the
whole ranch will burn if you don t
turn out the fire department, you gosh
blasted lazy devils. Get move on,
and help carry out the furniture"
Well, they Gained dad, and then I
had to go to work and post dad up
on the geography he had forgotten,
and finally he remembered seeing a
picture of volcano or burning noun
tain in his geography so years ago, but
he told me he never believed there was
q volcano in the world, but that he
always thought they put those pictures
in biographies to make them SELL
How man can attain the prominence
and position in the business world that
dad has, and not know any more than
he does, is what beats me-.
OF course you know, having kept a
grocery since the war, and having had
opportunities to study history, by the
pictures on the soap boxes and insur-
ance calendars, that Nero, the Roman
tyrant, after Rome was burned, while
he fiddled for dance in a barn, got
SO accustomed to fire and birthstone
that he retired to Naples and touched
OF. Nesuvius, just so he could look al
1t. But Vesuvius about 1000 years age
got to burning way down in its bow.
els. and the fire got beyond control
and suppose now the fire is away
down in the center of the earth, and
you know when you get down in the
earth below the crust, on which we
live and raise potatoes, everything /;
melted, like iron in foundry, ant
Vesuvius is the spigot through which
the fluid comes te the surface. You
sec. don't you?
Just imagine that this earth is {
barrel of beer. which yeu can under