The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1905-03-26
" llir11s of the I1ler
PETTICOATS AND POLITICS..


4 ordinary basis of representation 1T would
Il last centuries. for every delegate "oula
I wish to speak--it would be Interesting to
4 saaL--or maybe hear--what would happen
lnext. And HI the character-d estroying
4 brpcesses which apparently arc all III.
4 jispensaIie concnmItant of politics. II
would be Fascinating TO study the meth
DDS Of those who sometimes damn WIN
J faint praise rs we'll as blast with verbal
explosives. But why be 80 uncompli-
81 mentary as 10 speculate on this? icon-
oclastir indeed would be the man VINO
4 fancied that woman could Initiate the
4 superior sex In. the matter OF political
& vtlifscation and statesnianiike vitupera-
4 tlon THANK goodness. those who boss,
4 but initiate us. ut least Nave some good
fauualitie> which we may never hope TO
i attain. They nlight--aIid probably would
4 say some hatpinlike things on
4 the stu,ny, and the rGstr,itn but there are
4 Masculine extremes TO which they would
4 not stcop.
4 they'd do at Joint debate would be TO
4 tell each others age. or hint at false
ihins or artificial frizzes, or more prob
ltabIv stili-burst out a-crTing and hys-
4 terfcaliy request their constituents TO
lttc,ephone for smelling sails or their hus-
4 hands. Husbands and smelling salts.
I8by the way. stand in pretty much the
4. same ca tegory when women get hyster-
ical And both. be it said. are equally
useless when women get the weeps. .
/ 1t is safe, while specializing along this
Iline. to venture at least two surmises--
4 that If women once took the political
ibit in their mouths, there'd be at least
/ two things they'd all pull for--temper-.
! ance and better pay for school teachers.
\ But with n mental reserrat ton, II you
/ please They'd be n unit for temperance.
but they'd fight the abolition of bran
\ died peaches and claret limeade And
!! further-although they would favor bet :
/ ter pay for school teachers. they would
! pitilessly require all of this long suffering
! clsss to be ugly-an exaction which IS
/ the very refinement of cruelty.
4 1t ii. probable. too. that the more ma
/ tronlr candidates would declare for pens
4 sionirg preachers and physicians---a
Iclass OF favored male beings who some
ihow have most astonishing knack at
Winning the regard-not to say adora-
/ tion-of those whose function ! is to
A repair the aperture in socks.
But shucks /. when this retired and IN
i appreciated statesman attempts to specu-
.lIatcs upon what the unfathomable sex
4 would actually do lfthey had the bossina
i of n political ca 1npaign he suddenly finds
A his vivid Imagination baking. The trutt
&, about the whole business Is that allnouer
4 women, fundamentally speaking. Wis.,
Ito wear the trousers in most rlla1ters
Y they are quite willing, when IT comes y e
a politics, ID shine in the reflected glory
"a OF their menfolks Every blessed on ltt
II Of ,em secretly thinks that her man has
81yast capabilities as a public servan
& and that the rest of the electorate sins
& hourly-and grieviously-in failing to re
a Cognize her. Cncinnatus as a secont
) George Washington. Or a second Theo
. dore Roosevelt, III you care to modernlz'
your hcro-worship #
| Do we at this juncture hear the fal
readers as::ss...'What placld, ma scnltne5 con
cell" NJ ell hardly. In SCOT you Do @sen
Ill terrain these toplofty5 cntincnts toward
u your husbands, but there's somethin
! selfish behind 1T all-your vanity. Ism
|. 1T a fact that you dote on ligh-soundin
4 lbombastis titles? Haven't you, all yea
: married life, longed to be known as Mrs
e Justice-of-t he-Peace Jones, or Mrs: Super
visor-of-Roads Smith, or Mrs. Deputy
Sheriff Brown, or Miss Cey Councilman
Z lGreen. or Mrs. Legislator Perkins, or Mrs
School Trustee Timberlakc?
5 And do you stop there? When your hus
band, of a night. has explained to yo
q the subtle difference between municipa
81 primary and a. district convention, hash
his marvellous wisdom so astoundod yo
4 that all of a sudden your heart gave
Il great thump like a jolting cabbage in
4 market basket?
And didn't you. on these occasions, sud
Z denly hear q; voice Whispering, "Wouldn'
it be glorious to be Mrs. Attorney Gen
y eral Higgins, or Mrs. Supreme conr
~ Judge O'Shaunnessey. or Mrs. Unite
States Senator Murphy, or Mrs. Governo
~ Enroughty. Now, honest. hasn'tit?
I, And didn't you, from the minute tn
Iwhim seized you, forthwith open up you
Pandora's box and let out that mos
Ipesky of all iEsects--thc political bee
Why. Of course, you did! The proof Q
lit all lies in n trite old political teri
heard every day. When we say ma
has the political bee buzzing in his bor
llnct, that Is merely our euphcmistic wa
lof indicating that the insect In questio
has adopted the millinery of the cand
dates wife as Its habitat. Men don
Town bonnets, you know They merely pa
for them. Yes It Is the old story {
Eden-the woman doing the persuadin
/ while man proves easy fruit like the nj
pie, And politics is tho devil
But far be It from this quondam Hal
/ lover magistrate to dcride, belittle or Ger
| sure the petticoatGd politicians. He
Itheir most devoted ward-hceler, their mo-
enthusiastic lieutenant, their most scry
.Ehencilmen. Would that he were u lydr;
headed. being, with the eg-enupment
Ia centipede so that he could gnllop aroun
from precinct TO precinct and vote II
every married man on every tickct-th,
is to say. for their respective wives. Al,
TO tell the truth, he wouldn't refuse
Il public office II one came his way.
y:o;,A1