Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1905-03-11
THOSE LATE Corners

IT regard 1t as meet and fitting. even at
this waning period Of the amusement sea-
son." remarked the rasp-voiced man who
thinks aloud, as he emerged from the the
alter. that the fgurative cactigatory barrel
staye or metaphorical fence picket should
be applied with vigor and enthusiasm to
these porcine persons who make 1t a prac-
tiee and point Of care to arrive at the
show after the curtain has assembled.
1T may not be matter Of popular
knowledge or belief that the major number
of these yearners for the spotlight who
noisiiy catapult into theater ten or fifteen
minutes after the actors have begun to
work do the game on purpose and out of
malice and vanity aforethought.
But l know 1t and believe 1t, all the
same
1T Is their deliberate and carefuly-work-
ed-out desire and intention to give the
greatest possible publicity, promotion and
exploitation to their togs.
1T is their purpose. to the execution of
which they contribute a species OF devilish
ingenuity worthy cause that might fetch
them something, to distract the attention
of the audience from the doings ON the
stage to their own raiment.
The habitual late arrivers at the thea
ter are too pin-headed to perceive or grasp
the fact that the persons comprising an
average audience are naturally more inter-
ested in the efforts of the players than In
the appearance in the auditorium of a dinky
imitation ermine-trimmed opera cloak,
bow knotted green taffeta waist marked
down to fifty-eight cents the yard and
| machine-painted empire fan, accompanied
by a $50 sateen-lined Tuxedo suit:
THE most dismal characteristic OF the
chronic late arrver Is his or her utter ana
complete lack of sense of humor. The
people who visit these incessant outrdges
| upon their fellow-men and women are
never able to gee what laughing stocks.
r,nt To ion ME arlnD
| themselves.
ut is curious to note the gloom which
overspreads the countenances of the late
arrivers when they find that they have
| aisle seats, and that, in consequence, they
| are to be deprived of the ineffable JOY Oh
| forcing eight or ten persons, most OF them
| fat and wheeZy, to stand up in their seats
| in order to form a gangway, and, in stand
| ing up, to crush their hats, drop their
| wraps and opera glasses and programs on
| the floor. pant excitedly with mingled
| wrath and over-exertion, and otherwise feel
| like galley slaves in the act of being
| scourged to their dungeons.
| 'The habitual late arrivers don't want
| aisle seats. and they rarely obtain them.
| What they want is to walk over folks,
! thereby compulsorily engaging the atten-
| ton of a houSeful of people.
THE chronic late arriver male or fe-
| male, can uncoil the words excuse me- Or
! 'pahdon or so sorry faster than quick
| lunch room fiapjack maker can turn out
| brown-the- wheats-that is to say, some OF
them can.
| But the 'Pahdon me- of a climbing, clam
| bering, clumsy, clomping late arriver, as he
| bumps and blunders past the inwardly en-
| r. ged people who have reached the theater
on time out of consideration for the rights
! of their fellow be1 gs is not, and never Will
be, cents worth of compensation Tor the
! misery that he inflictS.
| THE chronic late arriver at the theater,
| among the male species, is the end seat
| hog of the open cars, the buttnSki who
| al n he
| first off of elevators, if he has got to break
| the arms of a whole lot of aged men in &C
| complishing these purposes; the pig-head
who always takes the left of the sidewalk
| and refuses to bulge to the right under
| any circumstances; the-well, he's all the
| different types and breeds of the public
slam-in that exist, and you can take pen
Gil and pad and figure out the number OF
species there are for yourself.
Among the female sex the chronic late
arriver at the theater is also the same wo-
man who slams a storm door in your face
| and never turns to look back to see wheth-
| err you've been knocked out into the middle
! of the street in front of an electric car: the
same woman who, when there Is a line or
| 314 nervous and busy business men lined up
| in front of the box office of a theater, will
| swish in and walk up to the window and
| dcma nd seats without waiting two minutes
| in the line or even pretending to take her
| place in it, the woman who never thanks
you when, tired as a hunted dog, you get
up and give her your seat in street car,
| but pumps herself into the seat with loss
of the head that is meant to inform you
| that the seat was coming to her all the
| tine; the same woman who, in general,
every where and all the time, is doing more
| to knock the props from beneath the Amer
| lean mans idea of chivalry toward women
| than all the rest of the causes combined
| into one.
THE thing that makes the acute hit with
me, however, is the deadSoreneSS which the
chronic late arrfver invariably develops and
exhibits when some other later arriver
| swings along and makes him get up. The
! man and woman who worked me up to the
| state of sulen ferocity tonight which has
| melted me to the emulation of these few
| remarks made nine persons including my
| self get up when they waited into the show
| house just twenty minutes after the play
began. But when, just three minutes later,
another late-arrivfng couple zephyred in,
and we all had to get up again. including
| the two who had visited the first outrage
| upon us, the man of the No. late arriving
| couple scowled like a Cossack and NUT
| tered like hod-carrier who has accident
! ally worked two minutes overtime, and the
| woman with him looked as wrathful as
| stage princess whose train has been stepped
! upon by scene-shifter and said things not
| SO very much under her breath that I'll bet
| had a sabre-edge if they'd been pitched in
! a tone about two-eighths louder.
This will be about ALL and 1 feel better
| now"