The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-09-27
HUMOR OF THE Day

HUMOR OF THE Day
The race may not be to the swift.
And then again it may;
But it's not to the man who doesn't START
Chicago Record-Heraid.
First Schoolboy-.swhat do they
mean by compulsory education 2"
Second Schoolboy-"Oh, / suppose
that's when you don't want to so to
school. and your father or mother
makes you."-Brooklyn Life.
Polly-"Mr. GreenIeaf tells me that
he spent three years at German uni
versity after he came out of college"
Dolly-"He must have been fright
fully unpopular. He hasn't a single
scar on his face. "-SomerviIle Jour-
nal.
But I thought you were a prominent
member of the Don't Worry Club
THAT was before the insurance scan
dals. You see. I'm a policy-holder. -
when I was child 1 spake as
child" quoted the moralizer.
Me too rejoined the demoralizer; and
1 generally got well spanked for doing it,.
Chicago News.
Il understand that the sylph club has
Yes. all the fat women in town wanted
to join it, but the directors have just
adopted a new bylaw that will fix things
right"
's'They have had the width of the front
door reduced to fourteen inches."-Cleve-
land Plain Dealer.
Miss sharpe--Haye you any idea what
sort pr,,e Of t an object y1g make dangling
Mr.. Kute-Surel Object, matrimony.-
Philadelphia Ledger.
Citiman-Didn't you suburbanites grow
anything in your garden this year?
Subbubs-Well, there was one thing that
Citinan-what was that7
Subbubs-Tired.-Phil Philadelphia Press.
Customer (who has fallen downstairs
Help. I've broken my leg.
Shopwalker-Yes, sir, you'll find erutch-
es, bandages, etc, on the fourth floor
front.-Birmingham Post.
For the first time in his life little Ned
heard the expression blood relation 1t
kept buzzing through his head, and finally
explanation. She told him the meaning of
blood relation and, after a brief moment
Gee, ma, you're the bioodiest relation
1 have. aren't you?''-Brooklyn Lie.
What are you crying for. my poor lit
BOO hoo. Pa fell downstairs.
Don't take on so, my pet. He'll get bet
sister saw him fali-an the way. I
never saw nuffin'-boo hooH'-Sporting
Times.
TITS an outrage" said the man who as
he talked hammered his left hand with his
right fist; A downright public outrage.
What are you talking about?' asked
the auditor who had just woke up.
This time and trouble and expense that
the government is going to propagate
sters will become extinct"
well, the lobster amt a national ne
cessity, is it? And I fail to see why we
taxpayers should put our hands into our
pockets to minister ra 20 t the Nnr,5s Of
tites of chorus young women '-Washing-
ton Star.
THAT man in there is hypocrite," said
Jackson as he left the drug store.
You mean the druggist?'
yes. when went in I interrupted him
in the midst of compromising a prescrip-
ton Ioid nun Vance f- Se ssa elIHd
to see me. "-Philadelphia Ledger.
mo. don't want to talk to any agents
completely unstrung."
II can string you into shape in I'VE min,
Detroit Free Press.
'fWell, i've never know her to say a
good word for any of her acquaintance.
with one exception.
Herself. "-Cleveland Plain Dealer.
Madam-Have you had experience?
Cook-Tve had tin places this MONTH
Harper's Bazaar.
Teacher-.what are the parts of speechf
Tommy Tucker-It's-it's when a man
stutters.-Chicago Tribune.
Citizen-Do you mean to say you could
not get along with less men in your de-
Tammany Commissioner-No very yell;
the election is so close in my district that
we need every vote we can get'-Puck.
THAT shows the injustice of things
said the railway man.
Everybody is giving three cheers for
Japan because it arranged system Of re-
bates on peace terms. washington Star.
Look at thot, now. Here's a man wild
J9ont tRot be the way Of the 'e wor-r,d
now? Them's has plenty is the vans that
has the best prospects av gittin' more
Judge.
REFLECTIONS OF a BACHEhon
IFrom the New York Press.l
Most people are such poor managers
that their cost of living goes up even
if prices go down.
There is a lot more fun being in love
and wishing you were married than
not being and wishing you weren't.
When a girl is pretty she knows it
without your telling it, but you don't
do yourself any harm telling her you
know it. too.
A man makes good husband when
he thinks he is having a fine time go
ing to call on the minister to set an ex-
ample to the children.
When a man goes to an afternoon