The San Juan islander. [volume] (Friday Harbor, Wash.) 1898-1914, 1905-12-23

IyOur daughter singing lessons. judge
Twenty years.-New Yorker.
/ Mother (who is teaching her child
the alphabet)-Now, dearie, wha
comes after q" The Child-Whizzl-
Elk.
i Where did you put the butter" sale
lady to her colored girl. Done pu
! 1t In de freezerator, missus," was thu
answer-Ex.
i Naggsby-What an excellent car
rage that young man has! Waggsby-
Yep. He's a football coach.-Balti
more American.
| He-They say people who marry
soon grow to look alike. She-Ther
you must consider my refusal as final
Chicago News.
i Bobby (at dinner table)-Papa, car
| have two pieces Of pie? Papa
Sure; just cut the piece you have II
two. Pittsburg Dispatch.
] Dashaway-Do you love that CIR
as much as you think you do? Clever
ton-Why, old man, love her almost
as much as she thinks do-Ex.
! She-So you really imagine that
smoking benefits you? He-I know II
does. My mother-in-law leaves the
room the minute light my pipe.-Ex
! James-My lord, the carriage waits
without. My Lord-Without what
James? James-Without any 'osses
my lord. 1t is the motor carriage
Eek.
Customer-Those trousers are toe
short for my boy; he'd outgrow them
in five weeks. Tailor-No danger
they won't last that long. Chicago
Journal.
! "Why don't you get up and give that
seat to your father, Bobby? Don't II
pain you to see him reaching for q
strap" mot on a street ar."-Chi
cago News.
Jawback- mothers cooking
Mrs. Jawback-Well, she deserves it
But didn't think you'd acknowledge
it SO shortly after her death.-Cleve.
land Leader.
She-Are your poems improving
any? He-I Judge SO. The editor used
to give me ten seconds to get out OF
the Office. Now he gives me fifteen
Chicago News.
"How can girl tell whether or not
she Is a mans afinity?'' murmured
Susie. by looking him up in Brad
street." replied Polly. = Louisville
Courier Journal.
"How much of an estate did he
leave" "It appears that he died
neither rich nor poor. They estimate
his estate at about two Millions
Cleveland Plain Dealer.
Miss Newlywed-Well,H Henry, how
do you like my pies? Mr.. Newlywed-
Dearest, they are just like the pies
that my father used to say were not
like his mother used to make!-Ex.
! Dumley-What they call preferred
stock is the stock that pays dividends
ISL 1tS w 4SC1AdA"ANOC az OH, OuS Liz
stock that does pay dividends is al
ways Observation-Disclosures Press.
| New Dentist Gin Frozen Dog)EWil
i you take gas? Bronco Bill-WiH II
4 hurt il I don't? Dentist-It will
Bronco Bill-Then, stranger, for your
sake think I'd better take it.-Life
"Thank you," she said, as he finally
gave her his seat in the car, tits al
most impossible to stand on your feet.
'"That was because l kept pulling 'en
out of your way, ma'am," he replied
;l-Ex.
i George was the first one thai
came from the ark when it landed
John-Noah. George-You are wrong
Don't the Good Book tells us thai
Noah came forth; SO there must have
been three ahead Of him.-New York
Times.
Il Lumber Yard LEM hain't seer
Weary Willie around lately. Sever
League Saunders-No; he's disguised
; himself as a college perfessor an Twin
as one O. dem. He's goin' to write s
magazine article on dere lives an hab
lits.-Puck.
1 "Why do you want divorce?' the
Judge asked. Because can't looE
at my wife without being tempted t.
fcommit suicide or murder" "Wha1
brought about this state Of mind?'
"She put moth balls in my cigar peck
ct" 'Petition granted. Judge.
i "Wasn't trying to commit suicide
j why. she jumped OF the end Of the
pier into thirty feet Of water and sanl
like a stonew II know, but she JUS
j Explained to the man who rescued hel
that she had learned to swim at cor
Irespondence school. Houston Post.
"What a man your father is!' ex
claimed Mrs. Fogle, looking up from
1.-The letter in her hond. He says ht
has bought a French clock, and shall
hiring it home with him. What will i
be good for except as an ornament
None of us can tell the time by it, un
tlooa vnu can Edith. You know some