davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-10-09
QUAKER REFLECTIONS.

GFrom the Philadelphia Record.J
The first fall suit was made of fig
leaves.
Iron foundrymen are busiest when
they are casting lots.
Many a crap-shooter couldn't hit the
side of a barn with gun.
Flattery is the yeast that raises a
woman in her own estimation.
A painted house doesn't show its age.
but it's different with a woman.
1t isn't right to judge a man by the
company his wife's folks infict upon
him
Now is the season fast approaching
when the can-opener will be mightier
than the sword.
A mans real value is never known
until he is dead-and his life insurance
is paid.
"A man can be almost anything he's
a mind to be- remarked the Wise
Guy. Yes in his mind" murmured
the Simple Mug.
Sillicus@''If she refuses me 1 shall
be unhappy all the rest of my life
Cynicus-''And if she accepts you the
result will probably be the same. so
what's the difference?''
The burglar worketh in the night
And, as you will perceive,
He taketh everything in sight
Before he takes his leave.
NeIl-"Mrs. Closeleigh is getting m
fair to help a poor widow paw her
rent" Belief didn't know Mrs.
Closeleigh was so philanthropic." Nell
-"She isn't. She owns the house the
poor widow lives in
"a yardstick has three great big feet -
Said little Willie Cunning
1--WE only two, yet I can beat
Mostsany yardstick running"
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-10-09
POINTED PARAGRAPHS.

IFrom the Chicago News.J
1t pays to own things you don't owe
for.
A millionaire is known by the small
ness of his tip.
Actors and summer girls have num-
erous engagements.
Many a woman has lost an ardent ad-
nirer by marrying him.
The wife of a. lazy man thinks ether
people misunderstood him.
Being good is very monotonous if it
shuts off innocent amusements.
If a man doesn't enjoy his work it's
time for him to hunt another job.
It's impossible for a man to see the
point Of a Joke and feel it simultan-
eously.
A man is as old as he looks, but a
woman is seldom as young as she
thinks she looks.
There's something wrong with the
small boy who isn't the victim of a
chronic case os hunger.
A girl always likes to express her
opinion, but a widow never tells a man
her private opinion of anything until she
finds out his opinion Of it.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-10-09
GLOBE SIGHTS.
[From the Atohison Globe. ]

LFrom the Atchison Globe.I
Some mems "reminiscences are really
confessions.
It is said that if two men trade Ben
Davis apples for turnips, neither one is
cheated.
An Atchison woman is called Ever
lasting" behind her back, because she
has outIived three husbands
An AtchisOn man is so easily affect
ed by liquor that to hit him with a
rotten apple makes him drunk
Some men are so tied down at home
that they can cause a sensation by
going into a restaurant and ordering a
meal.
This is such precocious age that
girl children are discovering they are
good looking fifteen years younger
than they used to make the discovery.
We have noticed by a careful read
ing of the papers that they no longer
"trip the light fantastic except where
there is a dance in the barn. We ven
ture New York never heard of it.
The practicing by the colored band
on lower Commercial street last night
perhaps this will explain it: Some
were trying No. SO, and others were
rehearsing No. 81.
We wonder that Edward Box hasn't
discovered this important truth, and
pounded it into his readers Learn to
be happy when alone. for that will be
your condition for many weeks,
months and years before you are left
alone at last where no one can disturb
you.
An Atchison woman has a horrible
secret, which she has never dared tell
a soul, not even her own. husband, and
it is her constant terror that it will be
discovered. She visited a friend in an
adjoining town lately, and While she met
some very agreeable people she has
found since returning home that she
did not meet one of the society peo-
pie of the town.
Joseph PiDke of Milwaukee is suing
for divorce, charging that his wife fed
him on tar soap. and that he swe1led
up so he couldn't wear anything but a
bathrobe. 1t is wonderful what origin
atty a woman will conceive after she
once becomes a wife. We venture that
in her widest dreams no unmarried
woman ever thought Of feeding d man
on tar soap. 1t is the married woman
who is unique and original.
Art is something which the ordinary
brain cannot comprehend Sargent,
the big portrait painter, had an order
to paint a picture of a professor of OK
ford university. When it was done,
the whiskers were blue. The professor
complained. They looked blue to
me- said the great Sargent, and blue
they had to remain. Blue hey I'M
>doubtedly were, but the eye that lack
ed the fire of artistic genius failed to
see it.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-10-09

Ladies and gentlemen, said the lee
turer at the dime museum, Il call your
particular attention to the cadaverous
specimen of the human family now on
the platform before you. This, ladies
and gentlemen. is no ordinary living
skeleton. He is not a freak IN any
sense of the term. He is a victim if
may use the term to a high and noble
purpose. Animated by a sincere desire
TO benefit his fellow beings. this man,
whose name is Ira Grettus Tate, is un-
dertaking to fast for 40 days, and is
now in the thirty second day of his
self-imposed task. He is not doing this
in order to demonstrate that it can be
done. It has been done before. Neither
is he doing it for notoriety or paltry
gain. It was with extreme reluctance
that he consented to place himself on
exhibition. He is undergoing this vol
untary fast, ladies' and gentlemen, sole
~ for the purpose of doing all that one
man can do to break up the Infamous
combinations, from the beef trust down
to the breakfast food trust, that are
enriching themselves at the expense of
the people. Pausing a moment in or
der that those who wish to purchase his
portrait for the purpose of helping
along a. good cause may have an oppOr-
tunity of doing so we will pass
on to the next platform which is oc-
cupied by Nine. Addie Peaux. the fat
test woman on earth. ''-Chicago Tri-
busSe.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-10-09
JOURNAL ENTRIES

How Webb McNaH must laugh
when ne reads the ne RsI.lg1s.r c.j5il-
ments about his old eri2n1 ana Gem
rade, John A. MCCALL
The dispatches announce that a
Chicago man has had his appendix
cut out and lead pncil was found in
it. Be careful where you lose your
pencils.
Nobody likes to be bessed by a
woman except her husband and he
has to like it.
Ewing Herbert says the politicians
are against his candidacy for con-
gress- Mr.. Herbert guessed right the
first time. But they are not the only
ones.
When Mr.. Rockefeller read that
Pat Grove had planned to kidnap him
the thought of his narrow escape
straight on his new wig.
Del Valentine has investigated and
he cerdfes that there is no lid in
sight at Portland.
Mr.. Dougherty's friends think he is
a kleptomaniac, which is another
name for stealomaniac.
President Mccall probably thinks
he is right in saying that insurance
men never resign, but if he is at all
observing he cannot fail to see that
toboggan slide that is being put up in
his vicinity.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-10-09

The Gazette is going to help Topeka
in getting up a big semi-centennial cell
ebration for Kansas in 1911 1t is go
ing to urge the whole state to join
hands and work as one community. It
is going to favor an appropriation at
the hands of the legislature to help
the enterprise. 1t is going to say a good
word for it whenever an opportunity
offers. It is going to do everything in
its power to make Of the event the
greatest thing of the kind in Kansas
history. We hope that the semi-cen-
tennial viii be such success, and such
an honor to the state that when our
children and grandchildren celebrate
the centennial of Kansas in 1864 they
will recall the fact that so years before,
their ancestors properly celebrated the
day when the state reached the half
century mark. 1t is a matter of patri-
otism, a matter of a Kansan's duty to
aid in this. The Gazette hopes that all
little jeaIousies and selfish thoughts
will be put away, and that every city
and every citizen will get together for
the good and the advancement of
Kansas, and help the semi-centenniaL-
Lawrence Gazette.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-10-09
sWHEN you co TO SLEEP Ar
NIGHT

When you go to sleep at night
In the dim and silent room
Where the Hlacs' faint perfume
Steals upon the air as light
As the staf-dust through the gloom
BE your dreams as soft and bright
When you so to sleep at night.
In the tired wonder-eyes
Sleep has crept and kissed them down;
Far beyond the sleeping town
In the clouds the white moon dies
Fading through the starry crown,
Silently when quiet lies
On the tired Wonder-eyes.
When you 60 to sleep at night
Though the world be wholly gray
May your journeys ever stray
To the shores of dream delight;
World and WEAKNESS away.
Sin and sorrow shut from sight
When you go to sleep at night.
Sydney Kennedy, in Brooklyn Times.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-10-09
AntIlrononletrx.

AnthropOmetry does not seem to be
always infallible. The Paris detective
bureau. wanting a missing thief had
proofs drawn of six photographs of the
man, taken in different positions some
time before. These were sent, with
careful specifications of body measure
ments. marks, finger prints, and so on,
to various parts of France. The Paris
Office recently received from the local
chief of police in a small town the fol-
lowing letter: Photographs of the
accused persons whom you desired me
to trace duly to hand. I am happy to
be able to inform you that I have sue
ceeded in arresting five of the men.
whom I now have under lock and key.
MY best detective assures me that he
is on the track of the sixth man and
will certainly capture him before
long"
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-10-09
just Like a Woman.

John, a peddler came around today
selling stove polish. He was a very
agreeable gentleman. Why, he talked
so pleasantly about the weather."
You don't sly. Maria ?"
Yes. and 7 bought a. package. Then
he eomplimented the baby and I bought
another package"
HIN"
Presently he said our vestfbule was
kept in better order than any in the
neighborhoOd. and then I bought anoth-
er package"
Great Scottt''
Before he left he said he thought I
was your daughter instead of being old
enough to be your wife. Then I bought
three additional packages. Oh, it don't
do any harm to encourage a real gen
tleman when you meet one -Chicago
News
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-10-09
One ON Elihu.

Elihu Root said to his once boy one
day: who carried off my paper bas-
ket?'' ut was Mr.. Riley" said the
boy. "Who is Mr.. Riley?'' asked Mr.
Root THE janitor. sir" An hour
later Mr.. Root asked: Jimmie. who
opened that Window" Mr.. Lantz
sir" And who is Mr.. Lantz % 1.-The
window cleaner, sir" Mr.. Root wheel
ed about and looked at the boy. See
here James," he said, 1--WE call men by
their first names here. We don't mis-
ter them in this Office. Do you under
stand?" yes, sir In ten minutes
the door opened and a small, shriI
voice said: There is a man here as
wants to see YOU Elihu. Chicago
News.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-10-09

The Hon. z. B. Flynn Of Springfield,
Vt, the attorney who secured the stay
of execution for Mary Rogers, and
who probably will argue her case be-
fore the supreme court of the United
States next October is a witty man.
While on his way to the supreme
court chambers, at Montpelier, to ar
que her case for a new trial, ne carried
several law books Under his arm. A
friend remarked pointing to the
books:
why. I thought you carried all
that stuff in your head"
II do quickly replied the lawyer.
with a knowing wink; these are for
the ges."-Boston Herald.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-10-09
How JOIN Hay Reearded Critics

John Hay was chatting about his
literary experiences with an intimate
friend, when the latter asked.
"John, what feature or phase Of thfs
writing business has impressed YOU the
most %
Well was the reply. and the
~. pse-s 81 ? = 3 .nAllAIeo nlschievously.
things that the critics fish out of a faI-
lows printed stuff that he never. MT
there. But / suppose that critics IN
the rest Of us. have to show excuses
zine se
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-10-09
HUMOR OF THE DAY
Eve used the Eg leaves
Her dresses to make
Leaves from a check book
The modern Ewes take.
New y

You thing dis ole worf is a-rolling'
SWen. you des keep bout dollar an
a half in 70 pocket, an you, meyer need
ter ak dat question. Atlanta Constitu-
ton.
Sharptongue-I am surprised to find you
riding in q parlor car. -
sharptongue- matter how hard you
try you can't occupy but one seat.-NeW
York Weekly.
Mr., Phoxy-I was going to ask you 70
your age by g. subtract q from the total,
and what's the answer
Miss Kute-1ou should be able to guess
the answer at once.
Mr.. Phoxy-Yes2
Miss Kute-NOne of your business
Philadelphia Public Ledger.
Beggar-Please give something ter
pore man wot lost his arm in a railway
accident
Jones-Eou,re a fake. It's your right
yesterday it Was your left
Beggar-Wen boss you see 1 got con-
cussion Of the brain in the same acci-
dent, and it fixed me SO I cant never re-
member which arms gone!-Cleveland
Leader
us that man a grafter?" ''I wouldn't
swered Senator Sorghum. He has made
a start, but he hasn't gotten away with
the goods. Washington Star.
There's no use in my joining your sew
ing circle" said the new resident. Il re
but YOU can TAXI" persisted the caile7
with the Northumberland Free Press
Little Willie-''Papa. why does the rail-
way company nave those eases with the
AK and saw in every carp" Father-"I
presume they are put in to use in case any
one wants to open a window. Puck
She-''Nyow wasn't it thoughtful of me to
60 out early and ga3ther thosee, flowers for
tae DreakIast table? SIde Kisses
can't think of everything. darling. can I?''
Life.
Want any typewriter supplies?' asked
the peddler, sticking his head in the office
door, No" replied the young business
man absent-mlndedly, 7 just got her a
box OF bonbons only an hour or so ago.
Philadelphia Press.
Binks-'sWhen I first met you, sir, 1
thought you were a gentleman" Spinks
And when I met you. sir, I was sure
shake hands and make up. I'm willing to
admit that we were both mistaken
Cleveland Leader.
please listen, madam" begged the
hobo, to the sad story Of an unfortunate
man Seven years ago was wrecked on
a desert island in the Pacific Ny mates
were all drowned, but 1 was washed
ashore And you haven't been washed
since-I seer said the lady, fiippantly.
With hopeless sigh he turned away
Cleveland Leader.
I'm afraid my popularity with
Miss GoIdIeaf is nearing its finish
why SOP"
81 was there last night and she en-
tertained me with the family graphic
phone. ''-Cleveland Plain Dealer.
Benevolent Party-If gave you five
pennies and your little brother asked
you for two of thems how many would
you have2
Elnterprising Newsboy-Five.@Ch Chi
cagO Journal
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-10-09
REFLECTIONS OF a BACHELOR

From the New York Press.
There is hardly any way to learn
swearing like having the rheumatism.
Because man is engaged is not a
sign he has no sense in every other
way.
It is almost impossible for a man to
have so much money that his family
can't spend it for him.
Either a woman is likely to scratch
you when she is smiling at you or
smile at you when she is scra tching
you
The trouble with putting anybody
in your family on an allowance is you
have to give her twice as much more
to let you off from increasing it.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-10-09
DESERVES CARNEGIE MEDAL.

Adolph Wilson of NicholasVille, who
was in a railroad wreck in Indiana last
Friday attributes the saving of his
life to the action of a mule. He says:
When I came to my senses a huge tim
Der was lying across my back, which I
could not move. In glaneing around,
looking for help, discovered a mule
standing within a few feet of where
I was pinioned, looking at me as if
wishing to render assistance. Soon the
mule turned its heels toward me and
began to kick. The first kick struck
the timber a glancing lick, the second
hit it full and just grazed my ear,
which now shows the mark, as you can
see, and somewhat moved the timber.
The third kick raised it sufficiently for
me to slide from under. and as I arose
from the ground the mule followed.
evidently satisfied with the good work
ccomplished." - Harrodsburg (Ky-)
Herald.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-10-09

The railroads are pretty smooth. In
Nebraska they are arguing eagerly in
favor of freight regulation, and declar-
ing that the railroad pass has nothing
to do with the matter The railways
feel reasonably sure that they can de-
feat equal rate legislation so long as
they can retain the pass giving power
An exchange remarks that it will be
we'll to beware of the man or newspa-
per which talks anti-railroad and pro-
pass at the same time. We have some
newspapers of that order in Kansas
I.eaNenWOrth Times.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-10-09
HONESTY NEEDED.

Grover Cleveland has not recovered
from the habit of calling digging tool
a spade. Naturalization of an insur-
ance company doesn't look to him like
a cure-an. He knows that unless a
good man is behind the desk, the pail
try investment in life insurance
wouldn't be any restraining influence
if a chance" to steal 81 600, goo
"crawied up to the window and wink
ed at Neutrality-suspicious. Reporter.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-10-09

Attorney John T. Cook is always full
of reminiscent tales of the experiences
OF the profession. To a group of friends
the other evening he told the following.
"A young lawyer in the country dis
tricts went before the justice of the
peace in his town with his first case.
He asked for q postDonement so that
he could prepare his case. The defend
ant was char&ed with breach of the
peace and public intoxication. It was
a very plain case. but the young lawyer
contended that he would require a cou-
pie of hours to make his argument for
a postponement.
Il can understand all you have to say
in a few minutes, - said the judge.
I am satisfied that shall take fully
two hours In my argument, persisted
the young lawyer.
Very well; have your own way; but
It will take the prisoner about 100 days
to tell why he employed you. Albany
Journal.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-10-09

friend said. do you eat pork?" The
fussy man said he did. of course.
Then. replied the other, II would be
mighty careful what said about good,
clean horse"
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-10-09

supposing Webb McNalI were
superintendent of insurance in Kan
sas now, what do you suppose Kan
sas would be doing to the Big Three
insurance companies2
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-10-09

The preliminary exposures in the
case Of the New York Mutual make
the Equitable look almost as pure as
baking powder. Young Mr.. McCurdy
had young Mr.. Hyde bested by several
degrees when it came to making a
good thing out of being the son of an
insurance nagnate.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-10-09

Since Mr. Dougherty of Peoria has
bene compelled to acknowledge that
ne is short. his friends believe he is a
kleptomaniac. Cannot the insurance
grafters ind some polite term for their
crimes alsO2
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-10-09

When Constant Reader" or old
''Veritas" writes letters to the Pekin
Tsins Rao. they do not begin by say
ing that they have subscribed TO- the
paper ever since it started. It has
been published for 1,4OO years.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-10-09

Among other conditions of the New
York Life continuing to do business in
Nevada viii probably be that it pay
the $500 due. on that collect telegram
which the Nevada insurance superin-
tendent sent to President Mccall tell
ing him he would have to resign or
take his doll rags out of the state.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-10-09
KANSAS COMNENT
WHAT COBURN DOES.

According to the Kansas papers Sec
rotary Coburn is the most unscrupu-
lous fellow in the state He willfully
and maliciously made an error of from
500 to 5000 in the home town while in
rival towns he counted many of the
people two or three times-Cherryval
Republican.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-10-09

The claim that the English way of
playing football is less brutal than the
American way is undoubtedly true. 1t
Is different and it must therefore neces-
sarily be less brutal
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-10-09

The State Journal Is a member of the
Associated Press and receives the fun day
telegraph report OF that great news or
Banization for exclusive evening publ
cation In Topeka.
The State Journal receives for exclusive
pupHca ton the leased wire report OF the
Publishers Press for the edition for Sun
day morning.
The news is received IN the State Jour
nal building over wires for this sole pur-
pose.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-10-09

1t cost the government $40, 00o 900 last
year to have the mails transported by
the railroads. Now perhaps you can see
why the railroads take such an inter-
est in politics, and are against govern
ment ownership.-Hiu City Reveille.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-10-09

For a dry fall there is certainly a
generous supply Of mud in the Ohio
campaign. This would indicate that
things in Ohio are not as dry as they
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-10-09

Boston woman after selecting
some embroidery in one of the big de-
partment stores, discovered that she
had not money enough with her to pay
for it. She had never opened an ac-
count in this particular shop, and it
was therefore agreed that the clerk
should put the goods aside until the
next daV. when the purchaser should
come for it with cash in hand. When
the woman returned the day follow
ing to get her embroidery she could
not remember which Of the saleswo-
men had waited upon her After puz-
zling over the matter for moment,
however, she approached one who
looked vaguely familiar and asked,
Am I the woman who bought some
embroidery here yesterday" ~ es' m, .
replied the girl, stolidly, and turned to
get it.-Y Outh's Companion
WITNESSED BIBLICAL TRAGEDY.
Senator Tfllman of South Carolina
tells Of q little girl whose statements
were always exaggerated until she be-
came known in schoQA and Sunday
school as "a little liar. Her parents
were dreadfully worried about her and
made strenuous efforts to correct the
bad habit One afternoon her mother
overheard an argument with her play
mate, Willie Bangs, who seemed to
finish the discussion by saying en-
phatically: I'm older than you,
cause my birthday comes first in May,
and yours don't come until September"
''Oh, of course your birthday comes
first sneeringly answered little Nellie;
but that is cause you came down
first; remember looking at the an
gels when they were making you"
Come here, Nellie; come here in
stantly." cried her mother.
1T is breaking mothers heart to
hear you tell such awful stories. Re
member what happened to Ananias
and Sapphire, don't you?"
ooh, yes. mamma, I know. They
were struck dead for lying. I saw them
carried into the corner drug store. -
Pittsburg Dispatch.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-10-09

Tt is not surprising that Mr.. James
J. Hnl thinks rates in this country
are all right He makes a good many
of them and if he didn't think they
were right he would doubtless raise
aham 2 little