Los Angeles herald., 1905-02-21
SMILES

the matter with him?"
IT think he's got the jlu-jitsu."
"what?"
TITS a new kind Of grip that Is hard
to shake off."-Cleveland Plain Dealer.
Mrs. Upmore dn search of girD-
Can you do housework?
Grill dunno, mem. I've always
wurruked in f1ats.-Exchange
"I understand that you are going to
adopt a campaign of education"
yes" answered the beef trust
official.
"Well, it will be a good thing. ]
suppose your idea is to educate us In
yegetaris a nism. m."--Washington Star.
Doctor-Madam, 1 can never cure
you of this throat trouble II you don't
stop talking.
Lady-But, doctor, I'm awfully care
full what 1 say, and / never use any
thing but the choicest language.-De-
troit Free Press
He-May I tender you some chicken?
she-I wish you would. It's too
tough to eat the way 1t is.-Louisville
Courier Journal.
what on earth has come over Neck
ley? He was almost impudent to me
this morning."
It'll tell you. He answered the ad-
vertisement OF a correspondence school
of jiu jitsu last night and arranged to
take the "-Exchange.
Robbed by footpads were you? 1t
must have made you feel like 80
cents"
Eyes, and I'll bet looked like 12
o'clock
"How do you mean?"
Hands up."-Philadelphi Ledger.
First Solon-Good morning, senator.
Second Solon-Good morning senator.
Both Solons-Got your vindication
yet?-Louisville Courier-Journal.
First Doctor-No. this isn't case of
st. Vitus' dance.
Assistant-Then what's the matter
with this man?
First Doctor-He has whizz-wagon
twitch, from lodging autos.-Puck.
The Boss-How did my wife ever
come to pick out nurse girl as pretty
as you are?
The Nurse-I suppose she wanted to
be sure that the children had police
6n
Chicago Journal.
i Mr.. Critique-Yes, indeed, my house
is simply full Of Titians.
Mr.. Nouveauriche-Good gracious,
amt there no way Of killing 'em?-
Princeton Tiger.
Miss de Muir-Mr. Foxey, am
younger than look, or am older?
Mr.. Foxey-All know about that is
that nobody could possibly be half as
young as you look.-Chicago Tribune.
Reformer-My dear man, don't you
know the wages of sin is death?
Inebriated Laborer-Well, amt 1 on
strike Flown and Country.
"This John Doe must be a turrible
bad feller," mused Nav Hoptoad
Hes allus in trouble. 1 see he's been
indicted again out in Oregon. 1 won
der where he lives when he's to
homer"
"I expect he lives in Efigy,"
chuckled Paw Hoptoad, "the place
where so many people are hung
Houston Chronicle.
He (philosophizing)- used to think
that 1 knew a great deal; that 1 was
wise in fact; but the older I become
the more 1 realize that 1 know moth
ing.
She-Agnostic or plain ignoramus?-
Louis Post-Dispatch.
"Did you spend money to get into
public officer"
mo" answered Senator Sorghum
II didn't spend It, l gave 1t away and
then depended on a decent sense OF
gratitude in the beneficiaries. wash
ington Star.
Sunday School Teacher-Now, Willie,
how many commandments are there2
Willie-Dere wuz ten last Sunday,
but Jake broke one. so 1 spose dere's
nine left.-Puck.
Did you ever hear that old express
sion, Never look gift horse In the
mouth?'"
'Yes, but there is another version
now"
what is it?"
Never look gift cigar in the wrap
per."-Chicago News.
"sir," began the visitor. Il come to
you in the interest of the city's poor
children. / thought you might like to
contribute TO our fresh air fund for
them."
"Of course" replied the kind-hearted
suburbanite "You take as much as