Alexandria gazette. [volume] (Alexandria, D.C.) 1834-1974, 1905-12-01
AN ULTIMATUM FROM FATHER

NY Dear Boy: Having heard moth
ing from you since you landed at Blu
dangoah University, and seeing by the
papers that the college openings are at
tended with extra heavy casualties this
year. your mother and | are somewhat
anxious about you. read in the papers
that YOU had rush, and that after 1t
was over the ambulances carried off 10
earnest students, while the lanitor swept
up bushel of ears and about four pints
of country-bred freckles. You are so
freckled that mother cried and seemed
to think you must have been IN the
slaughter. | must say / am disappoint-
ed if this is the case. A freckle may
no. be thing of beauty, but In costs
money Just the same. Your fathers
good cornmeal and bacon are IN that
Job OF kalsonining, my son, and to see
four pints of your honest freckles scat
tered round ever college campus looks
to mother and lac like just so many
good dollars thrown away. The paper
says the rush was a Joyous little ahalr,
and that it is feared 4 number OF the
participants may survive. l trust this
fear may be realized, and yet l must
saw your mother and do not feel en-
tifely satisfied with the outlook. If col
lege life is going to mash the daylights
out of YOU we fell that the job ought to
be thorough and not a half-and-hali per-
torrance. sent whole boy to seat
of learning, and | don't want a hashed
outfit back from the hospital. l read
further that "the rush was fast and furi-
Gus and that arterial blood streamed on
every side. The noble athletes waded
through seas incarnadine Rnddy rivu-
lets poured down the clubhouse steps.
Bone crunched bone, sinew strained at
sinew. muscles stretched to the swapping
point anJ elbow digs in upturned faces
were abundant Well-directed kicks
landed judiciously in stomach pits. Ham
like fists crashed through cartilage and
osseous wall-lke battering- rams" Your
mother SMILED while she read this. She
said il almost made her wish she hadn't I
worn her black bonnet for seven years
and put the price Of two new bonnets a
wear away for your education. But you
mustn't mind your mothers tears. l read
the story with great interest. 1t made
your father rheumatic crack. | could al
most see my big, freckle-taced boy ram
ming back and forth in bis first college
exercise. Now ! saw him get crack IN
the pit of the stomach, and next | saw a
ham. fist slice off pint of those ireckles.
swow it almost made your pa young
again UnbeknowDst to your mother l
went out in the orchard and got a barrel
stave, and every time, in my minds eye,
| saw my boy come TO the surface l
worked the barrel-stave. 1t was glorious
fun. When | wore out one tree took
another. Now, my boy, tyou are in
the hospital come right out aud say So,
and mother and me will come down with
a shutter and lug you home. Don't fear
the barrel l-stave-it can wait AS | said
before, | want your education to be fin
isbed. Iwant the college to send you
home either whole or pulverized. ! want
you to come back spick and span, mark
ed "unbroken package" )" but if they are
going to throw you round and crumble
you, then want you qhipped in strong
baegiug and marked plainly "5onedust,
ready for the drill" No cripples in
mine. One thing or the other is the ul-
timatum from your father Judge.