Alaska sentinel., 1905-10-26
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hDrOdu! Almost. Almost! W nat do you mean by that" "Well, yoa see, had my wife with me"-Life.
 First Capitallst-What would you do if you lost your money? Second Capl- talist-Start a magazine and expose the methods by which used to mako it.-Judge.
 Mistah Johnsing-Can't yo' gib me no hope, Liza? Miss Jackson-Once an fo' all, Mistah Johnsing, I tells yo' won't be no mans cullud supple ment.-Puck.
 You say his death was due to care lessnessT Yep" answered Three Finger Sam. What Kind of careless ness?" Got caught stealth cattle."- Washington Star.
 Father (of large family)-My dear, isn't 1t about time you were thinking of getting married? Daughter-Heay- ems. I haven't thought of anything else for years-Illustrated Bits.
 q never thought" said the conceit- ed lecturer, that my voice would fill that hall" "No," replied the candid man, "I thought at one time 1t would empty it."-Philadelphia Ledger.
 You can't have genius without ec- centrlcity." 'That may be so, but I've noticed that it's possible to have a good deal of eccentrlcity without much genius. Record-Herald.
 If, in the heat of family quarrel, the angry wife makes a move to pick up a flatiron, by no means is this to be taken as implying desire to smooth things over.-New Yorker.
 Miss Bliggns is very selfconscious, is she not?" Yes. When some one made a remark about a wolf in sheep's clothing she took 1t as reflection on her Persian lamb coat" at."-Exchange.
 Little Pet lon her knees, before re- tiring)-Mamma. may pray for rain? Mamma-Ye-s, If you want to; but why? Little Pet-Susie Stuckupp didn't invite me to her picnic.-New York Weekly.
 Her Brother-Sister stuck up for you last night all right. Pop said you were fool. Her Suitor-What did she say? Her Brother-Sister said that ho shouldn't judge a man by his looks.- New York Mall.
 Gasaway-Of all the tiresome talk CTS I think barbers- Henpeck-'Shl Maria will hear you. Gasaway-Why- CT I didn't know your wife was in- terested in barbers. Henpeck-Shs cuts my hair.-Philadelphia Press.
 What beautiful new public build ing" exclaimed the visitor; "and it's almost completed, isn't it?" "No," re- piled the citizen; Tit looks like 1t is completed, but they haven't exceeded the appropriation yet"-Indianapolls Star.
 That brother of yours, Lucy" said the man of the house, seems to be a pretty tough character" "'Deed, he is, suh," replied the colored maid; he jes' natchelly seems to be de white sheep ob our fambly, sho' nuff."-Phil- adelphia Press.
 The Visitor-What delightfully."- snug little flat you have! The Renter Isn't 1t? When we open the door we're in the middle of the room, and when the sunshine comes in we have to move some of the furniture out Chicago Tribune.
 "The average man out of work aL ways insists that he'd have been all right if he'd only had good show in the last place." Unless he happens to be an actor. Then it's If I'd only had a good place in the last show "- Philadelphia Ledger.
 twill somebody please chase the COW down this way?" said the funny boarder, who wanted some milk for his coffee. Here, Jane," said the landlady, ironically, take the COW down where the calf is bawling."- Kansas City Journal.
 Don't you like your new minlsterT' "Well. he's very young and not very good speaker. His delivery is very pe- culiar; I don't understand 1t at all." Nobody could solve his delivery at college, either. He was the crack var. sity pitcher, you know."-Exchange.
 "I think, dear" said the bright girl, you had better speak to father to- night" Why tonight" particularly ?" asked the timid lover. "Is he in a good humor this evening" Well, he's in the humor to give me to you. I arranged with milliner, dressmaker and dentist to send their bills to him this morning. g."-Philadelphia Press.
 "You sign this deed of your own free will, do you, madam?" asked the lawyer. What do you mean by that?' demanded the large red-faced woman. "I mean there has been no compul- sion on the part of your husband, has there7" Him" she calculated, turn ing to look at the meek little man sit ting beside her; "Fd like to see him