Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1905-04-22
COMMITTEE TELEGRAPHs DER WIVES

Coochy-coochy dancers of de Midway?
Give destroyers dat we may not be
destroyed; give US battleships dat we. may
not go to battle; and deliver us from sud
den DRINKS. and subway collisions"
You are talking nonsense" says
Whiskers. II don't want to pay any more
taxes for battleships; and 1 don't fear no
foe who has to come tree tousand miles
TO land on sacred shores, where he'll
meet eighty tousand gallant Americans to
give him welcome and de double cross
You rest in de false security which
has ever been de deaf knell of all nations
of armor plates dump off DER whole pro-
duct at DER own price, on a patriotic and
panic-struck country" says Mr. Paul.
Paul" says Miss Fannie looking bit
wuzZy, IF you can talk de kind of sense
dat mere woman can understand, please
tell me what are having fits over de
navy for. If dere Is any real danger
want to know it. and take baby to de
mountains, instead of de seashore, for de
hot spell"
ME dear" says Mr.. Paul. you has came
to de right shop dis time for sure. l am an
authority on de naval question. l was
joking a little, perhaps. when 1 spoke of
de danger Of going to Coney. but all de
same we must have navy. 1t is because
dere is no convenient way Of getting to
de Dago lands and islands to de sout OF
us by a overland rout."
whats de matter wit de commercial
steamship routes ' says Whiskers.
lie matter IS OaI Cey naU u passenger
tarlff-dey collects fares from passengers.
Dat, sir brings us to de cruX of our dis
course. At de present time we is engaged
in breaking into de private affairs OF most
of the island and mainland nations between
Sandy Hook and Cape Horn. At one
place we is running de custom houses, at
another we Is running der courts. or tell
ing EN- how to pay their debts elsewhere
we Is digging canals, here we Is telling EN-
to be good. and dere we is ordering EN- to
make sewers and clean DER streets;
In one corner of de West Indies We are
collectin' somebody's debts. and at anodder
corner we are setting up one ruler, while
over de way we are putting down re-
bellion.'
But we don't DO all dose t1ngs wit our
navy" chips in Whiskers.
Not all. If we only wanted de navy for
desc poiposes we could hire a police harbor
launch, put q few coppers aboard, and tom
de tricks wit ease and grace. But, sir, you
overlook de most importentest part our
navy plays in de game of international pol
itics. Whenever we does any Of desc two
or tree score tings which is partly taking
up de time and energies Of our President,
a member rises on de floor of Congress and
motions dat special committee of twenty
five be sent to de spot to investigate and
report. 'Surest ting you know! says de
House or Senate wit shouts of Joy; and de
members of de committee appointed tele-
graphs Gree for DER wives and sons and
daughters and cousins and best fren, to
hurry to Washington (on passes) to be
lightful Caribbean sea, and be quick about
it. How do they go? All, now you begin
to see de need of large navy. Dey goes
on navy ships. De whole boiling Of em is
taken from de dock on a government ship
and never has to break a dollar bill till dey
Is landed back on our shores again, loaded
up lit smuggled goods and enlarged livers
from drinking vintage champagne and eat
ing truffies tucked away In preserved goose
fat.
de game goes merrily on. De President
sends in a message dat he wants to hold
up a nation for million dat some sure
ting gang says de nation owes 1t for not
giving de gang a concession de gang would
liked to get; and de glad tidings goes over
the land dat anodder load of congressman
families is to have a free picnic to de lands
of bananas and bull fights. When all de
Presidents message is delivered, and all de
motions for committees has been made,
caucus Of Congress is held to see Is dere
any one who wants a trip dat isn't provided.
Den, wit list of does who has been over
looked, Congress meets and fixes up de
routes and time tables Tor de overlooked
and passes de naval appropriation bills.
Sir witout a constantly expanding navy. de
time would soon come when some desoiving
congressman's wife and family and frens
would elder have to give up DER annual
spring jaunt to de sunny islands Of de sout
season pay DER own way. Would dat be
right? Would 1t be patriotic? Mol
tousand times No! Equal rights for all wit
de pull. De same for de poor and rich con-
gressmen No special privileges for any
who haven't votes on de naval bills High
living and plain sailing for all patriots in
office. Champagne and birds for de low
Hest fren of member. Opportunity for
travel and study for de man who delivers
de goods at de primaries. Be generous be-
fore you are just. Let every American
walk de deck for -mllion-dollar battle
ship-if he has de right kind of a pull Shall
we restrict de educational opportunities of
de humblest citizen who wants to see how
de coral grows and how sponges are fshed?
Never! Shall we suppress DER natural in
ssQrac3ousFs sayH 11laa Fannie. sIant