davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The commonwealth. (Scotland Neck, N.C.) 1896-1929, 1905-10-05
BIRDS, SENSE OF HUMoR.
Man Of Experience Awards Palm to
Roast Duck.

Roast Duck.
81 was reading a magazine article
the other day-Im always reading
something said the hardware mer-
chant, that had it that DR.. Kennedy
had discovered that birds have sense
of humor. One of his anecdotes was
to the effect that robin was feeding
her young with earthworms, when
crow, feigning lameness, appeared on
the edge of the nest with open mouth
and claimed a share of the meal. The
robin looked the intruder over, picked
up a bit of dead twig that resembled
a worm, and hastily thrust it into his
throat. The crow was so greedy that
he nearly choked to death before he
realized that he had been deceived.
can easily believe that, but I've al
ways thought that the bird whose
sense of humor was most highly de-
veloped was the duck. A roast duck
will have more fun with you in a
dumb, solemn kind of way than any
thing that wears feathers. l don't
except women or Indians.
1--WE taken carving lessons and
know just where the joints of duck
ought to be, but they're never where
they ought to be: they're always
somewhere else. What's worse, they're
never located alike in any two ducks.
Again, if you have one duck you can't
make it go around, and if you have
more than one there's too much. And
the way duckn bound and spring of
from the knife and go under the table
with you, if you're not careful, is won
derful. A roast duck always seems to
say to me:
you've got me where can't do
lot to you, but you'll be sorrier than l
am, at that, before we're through with
one another
The commonwealth. (Scotland Neck, N.C.) 1896-1929, 1905-10-05
A Kiplinq Souvenir.

OF an Interesting Kipling relic.
Charles Warren Stoddard writes:
1.-The object that first caught my
eve was an old desk, black with age,
and no doubt rheumatic in every joint.
Its lid was solid panel, but curved
in the fashion of a roll-top desk.
Across the length of it, cut deep in
large letters, such as schoolboys love
to carve was this legend:
loft was l weary when I tolled at
Thee
$50 sang the galley slave in a
faultless verse; and so, in the hour
of triumph, Rudyard Kipling graved
upon the cover of the desk at which
he won his fame."-National Maya
zine.
The commonwealth. (Scotland Neck, N.C.) 1896-1929, 1905-10-05
A Generous Host.

The "Tatler" tells the following
story of the lavish generosity of Baron
Alphonse de Rothschild: On one oc
casion when King Edward (then
Prince of Wales) announced his in,
tention of lunching with the Baron,
the latter, bearing that there was
nothing his distinguished guest liked
SO much as roast beef of old England,
sent a messenger by special train to
London for q specimen sirloin and
brought over the chef of the Marl-
borough club to ensure the success of
the cooking. The cost of the joint
amounted to E400.
The commonwealth. (Scotland Neck, N.C.) 1896-1929, 1905-10-05
Intelligence W.. DociIity.


Will people who talk about dogs
ever learn to differentiate between in
telligence and docility? The word
Intelligent" is used almost universal
" in talking and writing, when peo-
ple mean docility; /. e., the readiness
of the animal to accept instruction,
says Joseph A. Graham in Outing
Now, as in human beings. docility is
likely to be an evidence of second
rate intelligence, and the degree OF
intelligence is likely to appear when
the animal is doing things on his OWL
hook 1t makes no great difference
but to the man who tries to think
accurately the constant parade OF an
obedient animal as one of exceptional
mental ability is painful.
The commonwealth. (Scotland Neck, N.C.) 1896-1929, 1905-10-05
sA,e,. Church vouched for Him.


# IL only q few years since Woon-
socket missed for good the familiar
face Of "Alf" Church. for q long time
deputy sheriff and chief Of police. q
man who was STRAIGHTFORWARD and
blunt in all his dealings.
One day a grocer went to "Alf'' for
information about a certain Joe"
White. who had applied for credit ana
a book at his store. and the follow1ns
dialogue ensued:
Good mornin'. Mr.. Church"
"Mornin'"
"Do you know Joe Wh1te1"
EYES,"
"What kind of feller Is her
"Putty fair"
els he honest?"
Honest? l should say 80. Been
arrested twice for stealing and acQu1t-
ted both times."-Boston Herald.
The commonwealth. (Scotland Neck, N.C.) 1896-1929, 1905-10-05

Boston. tells women how to avoid such
suffering; she writes:
Dear Mn. Pinkham:-
IRREGULAR menstzlatfon. Ny back ached;
had bearing down palms and frequent head-
aches; could not sleep and could hardly
drag around. / consulted two phySiciane
without relief, and as last resort, tried
Lydia e. Pinkham'sVegetab Compound, ana
to my surprise, every ache and pain !eft ma
Igainsd tan pounds and am In perfect health"
Mics Pearl Aclsers Of 1927 North Sum.
mer Street, Nashville. Tenn, writes:
Dear Mrs. Pinkham:-
~ suffered with painful periods, severe
backache, bearing-down pains, pain! across
the abdomen; was very nervous and irr1te-
bic, and my trouble grew worse every month
Ny physician failed to help me and I
decided TO try Lydia p. Pinkham's Vegetable
Compound. ! soon found it was doing M
good. All my pains and aches disappeared,
and no longer fear my monthly periods
Lydia E. Pinkham's Vegetable Com.
pound is the unfailing cure for all these
troubles. It strengthens the proper
muscles, and displacement with all ito
horrors will no more crush you.
Backache. dizziness. fainting. bear.
ing down pains, disordered stomach.
moodiness, dislike of friends and society
all symptoms of the one cause-will
be quickly dispelled, and it will mako
you strong and well.
You can tell the story of your suf.
feriugs to a woman. and receive help.
full advice free of cost. Address Mrs.
Pinkham. Lynn. Mass.
,ound Succeeds Where Others Fall.
The commonwealth. (Scotland Neck, N.C.) 1896-1929, 1905-10-05
Most Coneested Ward.

In the alcoholic ward the congestion
is the greatest. The number Of aIco-
holic patients is always greater in the
winter than in the summer; not that
there is more drunkenness in the frigid
season, but because the inebriate who
is carried to Bellevue in the winter
might in the summer sleep of his de-
bauch on park bench. There are
twenty-nine beds in the alcoholic ward
for men. Frequently there have been
eighty patients at one time. In the
female alcoholic ward there are four
tene beds, and frequently the number
Of patients is thirty-fve.-Leslie's
Weekly. 1-;~
The commonwealth. (Scotland Neck, N.C.) 1896-1929, 1905-10-05
RESTORED HIS HAIR

Sc, p Humor Cured bv Cuticura Soap and
Ointment After All Else Failed.
81 was troubled with a severe scalp hui
NOR and loss OF hair that gave me a great
deal of annoyance. After unsuccessful ef-
forts with many remedies and so-called
hair tonics, a friend induced me to try
Cuticura Soap and Ointment. The humor
was cured in short time, my hair was re-
stored as healthy as ever, and l can gladly
say L have since been entirely free from
any further annoyance. l shall always use
Cuticura Soap, and l keep the Ointment
on hand to use as dressing for the hair
and scalp. (Signed) Fred'k Busche, 2l3
East 57th St., N. Y. City"
The commonwealth. (Scotland Neck, N.C.) 1896-1929, 1905-10-05
LOGICAL DEDUCTION.

$50 you think play the fool more
than l did six months ago, eh?" said
the husband. "How do you figure
it out?"
Il think it must be due to the fact
that the days are longer now" an
swered the better half of the combine
columbus Dispatch.
The commonwealth. (Scotland Neck, N.C.) 1896-1929, 1905-10-05
A German Woman. fleet.

On many of our maps there is an
island off the coast of New Guinea
bearing the name New Britain"
Such maps are not up to date, for the
place now belongs to Germany and
has been rechristened New Pomer-
ania." One of the Senators of the
Commonwealth recently paid it visit,
and judging from this description, it's
most important parsonage is a German
lady named Mrs. Kobe. She has a
thousand men in her employ, has a
plantation Of 5000 acres, possesses a
little fleet of trading vessels and owns
number of wholesale and retail
stores.-Pall Mall Gazette.
The commonwealth. (Scotland Neck, N.C.) 1896-1929, 1905-10-05

For the purpose of scientifically ex.
ploring the atmosphere, Comte de Cas-.
tillon de Saint-Victor made an ascent
on June in his balloon Centaure.
taking with him NJ. Joseph Jaubert.
director of the municipal obseryato.
.ries OF Paris, and DR.. Jolly. Other
aerostatic ascents were made ON the
same day from Berlin, Strasburg. Bar
man, Munich. Vienna, Zurich. Rome
and Trappes.
The commonwealth. (Scotland Neck, N.C.) 1896-1929, 1905-10-05
A Bishop Kicks a King. Tomb.

Bishop Thornton. speaking at Riv-
ington Grammar School, said he felt
indignnt when he saw the ruined alb.
beys and monastries which King
Henry VIII. despoiled. When he passed
King Henry's tomb in Windsor he
kicked it, though it did no harm to
what Has heneath.-L0pdQn Express,
The commonwealth. (Scotland Neck, N.C.) 1896-1929, 1905-10-05
DON'T MISS THIS.
A Cure For Stomach Trouble-A Now
Method, by Absorpti0n-No Drugs.

A Cure For Stomach Trouble-A Now
Method, by Absorption-No Drugs.
Do You Belch.
It means a diseased Stomach. Are YOU
afflicted with Short Breath, Gas, Sour
Eructations, Heart Pains, Indigestion, Dys-
pepsia, Burning Pains and Lead Weight
in Pit Of Stomach Acid Stomach, Dis
tended Abdomen. Dizziness, Collie?
Bad Breath or Any Other Stomach Tor
ture?
Let US send you box of Mull's Anti
Belch Waters free to convince you that it
cures
Nothing else like it known. It's sure
and very pleasant. Cures by absorption.
Harm! less. No drugs Stomach Trouble
can't be cured otherwise-so says Medical
Science: Drugs won't do-they eat up the
Stomach and make you worse.
We know MulPs Anti-Belch Waters cure
and we want you to know it, hence this
offer.
SPECIAL QFrER.-The regular price OF
Mulls Anti-Belch Waters is SOC. box.
but to introduce it to thousands of suffer.
e ers we e. will send two 81 boxes upon re-
will send you sample free for this coupon.
The commonwealth. (Scotland Neck, N.C.) 1896-1929, 1905-10-05

Mrs Winslows Soothing Syrup for Children
teethiny ,softens thegUms, reduces in aamma-
ton allavs pain cures wind G o'ic ,25c. Il bottle
The commonwealth. (Scotland Neck, N.C.) 1896-1929, 1905-10-05

The millennium will be due when
women are paid wages that will enable
them to support husbands as they
should. So. 40.
The commonwealth. (Scotland Neck, N.C.) 1896-1929, 1905-10-05

A man tips the scales when he drops
a penny in the slot.
The commonwealth. (Scotland Neck, N.C.) 1896-1929, 1905-10-05

lam sure Piso's Cure for Consumption saved
my life three years ago.-Mrs. THOMAS ROB-
ERrs, Maple St., Norwich. NY. Feb. II 1900
The commonwealth. (Scotland Neck, N.C.) 1896-1929, 1905-10-05

FITSper nanentiy cured, No fits or nervous
ness after first day s use Of DR.. HI mes Great
Nerve Restcrer, $2t-ia botrlea Id treatise free
DER II KLINE l. ID 931 ARR +, st .Pbil;l.. Pa.
The commonwealth. (Scotland Neck, N.C.) 1896-1929, 1905-10-05

Sir Isaac Holden used to get recreation
out Of compulsory walking.
The commonwealth. (Scotland Neck, N.C.) 1896-1929, 1905-10-05

A woman runs almost as fast when
she sees mouse as man does when
he hears baby crying.
The commonwealth. (Scotland Neck, N.C.) 1896-1929, 1905-10-05

More than 1000 people earn living II
Paris by fortune-tellIng.
The commonwealth. (Scotland Neck, N.C.) 1896-1929, 1905-10-05

ia A FREE BOX. 1141
Send this coupon with your name
and address and druggists name who
does not cell it for free box Of MulI's
Anti-Belc Waters to
MCLL's GRAPE Tonic Co., 1928 Third
!! Ave, Rock Island, lii.
Gsce FuN Address and Write Plninly.
The commonwealth. (Scotland Neck, N.C.) 1896-1929, 1905-10-05

A pesslmist is man who knows
a lot about himself and but little
about his neighbors.
The commonwealth. (Scotland Neck, N.C.) 1896-1929, 1905-10-05

Z just twenty-five minutes
past 5, Suzanne went up
stairs to dress. Dinner was
at half-past 6, and there
would probably be an in
The commonwealth. (Scotland Neck, N.C.) 1896-1929, 1905-10-05

The native Of India has an average life
of twenty-four years.
The commonwealth. (Scotland Neck, N.C.) 1896-1929, 1905-10-05

Yellow Fever AID Malaria Germs
Are instantly killed by the use of six drops
of Sloan's Liniment on a teaspoonful OF
sugar. 1t is also an excellent ansiseptic.
A penny is estimated to change hands
houf 1O1 0OO times in IFS life
The commonwealth. (Scotland Neck, N.C.) 1896-1929, 1905-10-05

"FOr years l
was run down,
weak, lame and
sore. The kid
ney Secretions
were too fire.
Quent. Then
dropsy pulled
up my ankles
until they were
a sight to be-
hold. Doctors
gave me up,
but I began
using DOan's
The commonwealth. (Scotland Neck, N.C.) 1896-1929, 1905-10-05
sUFFeR,Ncs UNTOLD.
Kansas City Woman's Terrible Exper.
q. fence With Kidney Sickness.

Mrs. Mary Cogin, Goth st. and Cleve-
land Ave-, Kansas City, Mo-, says:
The commonwealth. (Scotland Neck, N.C.) 1896-1929, 1905-10-05
}:zeD$z@2:z z9} :{@>:zQD}:z
SUZANNE'S
UNDOING
X X X X
l. By Perry W0rthingt0n.

[}:e@} :z@}:z@}:la}:{ Q9}:z@}:{l
The commonwealth. (Scotland Neck, N.C.) 1896-1929, 1905-10-05
Exploring the Atmo.pher..

Sod at all druggists, Soc. per box.
The commonwealth. (Scotland Neck, N.C.) 1896-1929, 1905-10-05

Kidney Pills. and the remedy cured
me so that have been we'll ever since,
and have had fine baby, the first in
dve that was not prematurely born"
Sold by all dealers. so cents a box
Foster-Milburn Co., Buffalo, N. Y.
The Owosso times. (Owosso, Mich.) 1897-1926, 1905-12-08
q "a - TOEIA.
Bears the hIhs Kind You Have Always Bougt'
'ls. %s A<M2zIMI
Notice to taxpayers of Fairfield TWO

Beginning Dec. 9Th will receive and
receipt for taxes, at Garland, Tuesday,
Friday at home and Saturday at the
Elsie bank, until the 10th of January.
j. p. SCOFIELD,
1906 Treas. of Fairfield twp.
BENNINGTON TOWNSHIP.
To the taxpayers Bloomington Town
ship:-I will be at Pittsburg Dec, 18th,
2Sth and Jan. 4th; at Bennington, Dec.
10th and Jan. end; at Owosso, jennings,
Foster Cos store, Dec. 90 and Jan. 9th,
to receive taxes.
j. @. THOMAS,
3w Treasurer.
The Owosso times. (Owosso, Mich.) 1897-1926, 1905-12-08
A Rank Pessimfst.

A Lady Bountiful living in a subur.
ban village met an old man on the road
one day and asked after his family, his
health, etc. The old man gave a rather
gloomy account Of things. He had to
work all day and every day, and he
was growing old and felt the cold and
was always tired. He wished he could
rest bit after his long life of labor.
He was weary, very weary.
Lady Bountiful reminded him gently
that every one had his share Of work
to do In this world, and that it was all
only a preparation of the world to
come, where there will be no tears or
labor.
The old man shook his head and smil-
ed cynically.
'That may be for the likes Of you,"
he said. "But there'll be work for the
likes of me. 1t will be the same thing
there: John, clean the sum- John,
hang out the moon John, light the
stars John, stop the wind They will
find something for me to do, ma'am-
you'll see."
The Owosso times. (Owosso, Mich.) 1897-1926, 1905-12-08
A Wonderful Ride.

The most wonderful straightaway
ride ever made by man was the gallon
of Francis Xavier Aubrey, ci-devant
Canadian voyageur and a famous pony
express rider, from Santa Fe, n. A.,
to Independence, Mo-, in 1853 - SOC
miles in five days and thirteen hours.
In 1852 he had covered the same dis
lance in q little over eight days, and
his record was on the wager Of $1,000
that he could do it in an even eight"
In the whole distance he did not stop
to rest, and he changed horses only
with every 100 or 200 miles. He was a
stocky French Canadian, light hearted,
genial, adventurous and absolutely
fearless. For some time he was en-
overland freighter, and he also made
the enormously difficult and dangerous
drive Of flock Of sheep from New
Mexico to California across the deserts
Of the Colorado. He was killed in San
ia Fe.-McClure's Magazine.
The Owosso times. (Owosso, Mich.) 1897-1926, 1905-12-08
Brooks. Jones Wedding.

There was glad Thanksgiving at
the home of Mr.. and Mrs. John Brooks,
Adams street, Nov. 80, when their
youngest daughter, Henrietta, was
united in marriage to Arthur B. Jones,
of Henderson. The house was nicely
decorated in white and green. The
large company Uf relatives present en-
tered into the joys of the glad occasion
and made the day a real Thanksgiving.
The ceremony was performed by Rev.
A. b. Leonard of the First M. E. church
who is noted for the strong nuptial
knots that he 80 beautifully and i'm
pressively ties. After the ceremony a
bountiful Thanksgiving dinner was
served. After an examination of the
large number of beautiful and useful
presents that the happy couple received,
some of which had been sent from
Chagrin Falls and Cleveland, Ohio,
Crystal City and Marden, Manitoba,
Dallas, Oregon, Standish, and friends at
home. The following guests were pres
ent from out of town: w. G. Davis and
son Homer, Chagrin Falls, O.. Misses
Gladys and Doris Brooks, of Standish,
Mr.. and Mrs. Fred Hurry, Lansing.
The happy couple took the evening
train for Lansing to spend their honey
moon with Mr.. and Mrs. Fred Hurry
After their return they will be at home
on their fathers farm north of Hender-
son.
The Owosso times. (Owosso, Mich.) 1897-1926, 1905-12-08

The Women of the Cromwell Family.
les" that divers wife and eldest
daughter should actually take jour-
ney to Hampton court to be presented
to his majesty the king. Tradition de-
clares that later on, when the shadow
Of a death such as had befallen no 9TH
er English monarch doomed darkly
over that same king, Elizabeth pleaded
for his life. 1t may very well have
been so. The protectors wife and
mother would willingly have had few
er honors and more security. The lat
ter, whom he had brought up to White
hall to be near him, was wont to ex-
claim at every gun she heard fired,
my son is dead!
1t was in that sons arms that the
venerable dame expired at the age Of
ninety four, desiring him to- bury her
in some quiet cemetery and by no
means in Westminster abbey. But Oil
yer would have 1t otherwise, and to
that royal sepulcher the remains Of
Elizabeth were borne with all the
pomp that befitted the obsequies Of a
queen. Also, poor woman, she was not
permitted to rest In peace. With the
restoration came a royal mandate for
the casting forth of certain bodies
whose unauthorized dust might not
mingle with that of England's highest.
Twenty-one corpses were exhumed and
thrown into pit. The mother of Oil
yer Cromwell does indeed sleep be-
meath the shadow Of historic Westmin-
ster, but it is in a dishonored grave
London Queen.
The Owosso times. (Owosso, Mich.) 1897-1926, 1905-12-08

fingers, then regarueu ner wIu, rau..-.,
triumphant eyes.
The old gentleman in front carefully
covered the head so like Opportunities
own and beamed on them In parting
benediction. Margaret flashed him an
answering smile. you are eloquent
enough now, at all events" she said
with sudden mischief.
81 admit that l was pretty bad" he
laughed, "but don't you think that for
a heroine you yourself were rather
"You see, he wasn't bald after ALL"
she interrupted irrelevantly.
The Owosso times. (Owosso, Mich.) 1897-1926, 1905-12-08
She Paid on the investment.

Here" complained the aggrieved
father, Il have spent nearly $4,000
on that girls education, and now she
goes and marries $500 a year clerk"
WELL" said the friend of the family,
isn't that all of Is per cent on your
investment? What more do you want?"
The Owosso times. (Owosso, Mich.) 1897-1926, 1905-12-08
D4inty Foods
Demand Il

VN EVERY Receipt that calls for cream
4 of tartar, soda, or baking powder, use
the Royal Baking Powder. Better results
will be obtained because of the absolute
purity and g eat leayening strength of the
Royal. 1t will make the food lighter,
sweeter, of fin er flavor, more digestible and
wholesome. 1t is always reliable and uni
form in its work.
Alum and phosphate baking powders
some of them Sold at the same PDice and
some of them chsaPer-will make neither
dainty nor wholesome food.
Poyosi. CO., NEW YORK.
The Owosso times. (Owosso, Mich.) 1897-1926, 1905-12-08
Chicago Excursion via Grand Trunk
Railway System account Inter
. national Live Stock
Exposition.
Exposition.

Extremely low fares to Chicago and
return on all trains Dec. 10th. 18th,
18th, 10th and Goth. Return limit Dec
Gath. For fares and further informa-
ton consult local agent or write to
GEO. w. VAUX, A. g. P. e. T. A,
Chicago, Ill
The Owosso times. (Owosso, Mich.) 1897-1926, 1905-12-08
CureIessness.

The Young Doctor-Just think, six of
my patients recovered this week. The
Old Doctor-It's your own fault, my
boy. You spend too much time at the
club
The Owosso times. (Owosso, Mich.) 1897-1926, 1905-12-08
Canadian Holiday Excursion via Grand
Trunk Railway System.

Single fare for the round trip to GER
tain Canadian points on all trains De-
cember 14th, 10Th, 10th and 18th. 1905,
valid returning to leave destination to
and including January 9th, 1906. For
fares and further information call on
your local agent or write to Geo. w.
'Vaux, A. G. p. 81 T. A, Chicago, Ill.
WANTED-By Chicago wholesale
and mail order house, assistant manager
(man or woman) for this county and
adjoining territory. Salary $50 and ex
penses paid weekly; expense money ad-
vanced. Work pleasant; position per-
manent. No investment or experience
required. Write at once for full par
ticulars and enclose self addressed
envelope. COOPER & Co.,
1906 132 Lake St., Chicago, Ill.
The Owosso times. (Owosso, Mich.) 1897-1926, 1905-12-08
Means of Success.

Stern Father-He who sows the wind
reaps the whirlwind. Prodlgal Son
Well, he raises the wind anyway.