Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1905-02-25
Humorous


The derrick isn't handsome, but it
has an uplifting influence.
phia Record.
New Years: First Resolution-How
are you feeling? Second Resolution
Broke.-Life.
Father from top of staircase) -
Ethel, is that young man gone? Ethel
Awful funny, pa.--Grit.
do you think Banks ever fooled bis
wife successfully" Il know ii. He
married her Detroit Free Press.
What is worse than owing money
you can't payg' Being owed money
you can't collect. "-Cleveland Ledger.
Miss Snow What did Jim Jack
son git married for? Miss Washtub-
Lawd only knows-he keeps right on
workin Puck
She-Do you think that a woman
can truly love but once7 He-Well,
II that's the only chance she has-yes!
Detroit Free Press.
Papa, will you send me to Europe
to study music?" mo- you can study
It here. and I'll send you TO Europe to
practice. Houston Post
Never tell secret, dear. 1t would
be great. breach of confidence"
What must | do with 1t. mammaP
"Well-bring 1t to mew-Madame.
Father But do you think you can
make my daughter happy suitor--
Happy Say, you should just have
seen her when proposed, Brooklyn
Life.
Mamma lounge that way,
Tommy Sit up like man. Tommy
why mamma, men sit down. it's only
dogs and rabbits that sit up.--Phila-
delphla Press.
Teaspout--Why are you so angry
with the doctor? Mrs. Teaspout -
When told HIM had terrible tired
feeling he told me to show him my
tongue, Exchange.
Hoax--rhey say the sultan of Tur-
key scares his wives nearly TO death.
Joax-Yes; I've always heard that no
was a harem-scarem sort OF fellow
Philadelphia Record.
smlggs goes man who has
done much 70 arouse the people.
Smaggs Great labor agitator, chi
Smggs No; manufactures of alarm
clocks-Chicag Ledger.
Mrs. Henpeck-This paper says that
married women live longer than single
ones Mr.. Henpeck-Heavens, wom-
an Can't you think OF something
pleasant to talk about Borrowed.
Freda-He claims to be related to
you. and says he can prove 1t. Floyd
Related to me? Why that mans a
fool Freda--Of course, but that may
be mere coincidence.-Ilustrated
Bits.
Mrs. Hayrix-Them air Japs must
be kinder hard up for somethln' tew
read. Hayrix-Why so, Mandy? Mrs.
Hayrx This paper says they went
an took lot NV Russian magazines
Exchange.
Nervous Old Lady Ton seventh floor
OF hoteD--Do you know what precau-
tons the proprietor or the hotel has
taken against fire? Porter--Yes, mum;
he has the place inshoored for twice
wot it's worth. pittsburg Gazette.
Frenzied Finance The Farmer Tex
citedly)-Say Mister Constubble, I've
lest bin bunkered out nv every durn
cent! The Policeman drritnbly)-Well,
don't holler to me, you come-on!
Amt no magazine publisher!--Puck.
Mrs Watkyns-Henry, want dol
lar this morning Mr.. Watkyns-Great
Caesar. woman DO you think that |
am made OF money? When you want
large amounts you ought to let me
know "A hours in advance.-Somer-
vile Journal.
Irate Employer-See here, you young
Rip Van Wrinkle, l only hired you yes
terday: and / believe, on my soul,
you've been asleep around here ever
since Sleepy Joe-That's what
though you wished, sir. Here's your
advertisement: "Wanted-An office
boy not over 10; must sleep on the
premises. New Orleans Times-Dem
ocrat.
Kentucky Mountain Schools.
Teaching school In tho Kentucky