Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1905-08-05
r1snt put wnen | tried to descend, the

backset spring would not work
Imagine my feelings il you have
ever been on a high The spring posi-
lively refused to work. If | held on.
| I'd go up perhaps to worlds unknown.
! If / let go, I'd be dashed to pieces on
the rocks in Benderson's addition.
Cup, up I went. I began to expert
| ence terrible pains in my Uranium; my
eyes bulged; my brain ratified like a
lawn mower; bright flashes Of light
darted across my vision, and IS MILL
meters of my crimson tongue hung
out A band of steel seemed compress
sing my intellectual lobe; my frontal
which gradually melted into dreamy
Indifference and Inconsistencies.
when l awoke l was in a strange
country, an unknown planet, perhaps
the kingdom of the Fool-Killer, at any
rate. Since then, have been confined
in a cage, the only sleeping accommo-
dations of which consist of large nail
upon which | am expected to hang my
self each night.
perhaps | could sleep even there,
were it not for the proximity and aw-
full groans Of the man who, upon earth
used to occupy two seats in the crowd
ed cars, keeping tired travellers out by
sheer force of his dignity. His dignity
avails him but little now, for here they
stand him on his head as soon as the
sun goes down, and there he stays till
morning.
at is pretty hard to sleep in the day.
time, on account of the punishment
that is inflicted upon the Beautiful
Snow poets. Every morning they ale
chained in row, and reader, with
an accentless but StentOrian voice
reads over and over to them their
Beautiful Shows BY way of variety
he reads backward half of the time
This goes on until sunset. The Spring
and June and 'Silvery Moon poets
get only half as much, and, in the af-
ternoons, are allowed to rest and re-
coup for the next days reading.
l 1.-THE midnight serenader is hung uI
in cage close to the top of the high
est turret, and made to sing, over and
over again, the songs he used to sing
to his lady fair, and everybody VIC
has nothing else to do throws old boots
and clubs at him.
"The man who said: I told you so!
has been hung. Always in life kick.
er, he is still kicking as he swings.
Weather prophets are tied in pairs
and flung over great clothesline tt
fight.
"a band composed of bazoos anG
bass drums, with few tom-toms ani
jim-jams. has been organized and puts
in ten hosrs per day in serenading the
people who used to play the fife, fiddle
and piano. Hand-organ men are slai1
at sight.
people who only planted when the
moon was right are kept on diet Of
skinned water.
1.-THE airship and perpetual motion
cranks occupy cages next to mine. The
washing machine inventor has the en-
tire laundry work of the kingdom
to do.
Every day committee takes OIL
the man who, on earth, was sort O.
walking collection of ills, for which
he was always doping or dosing him
self, and they proceed to fill him tt
the muzzle with the latest fads in pills
and nostrums.
"And SO l might go on all day tel
ing of the retribution that regularI.
befalls the unfortunates here. Blu
time passes. and the executioner is liza
BILE to be at hand at any moment. Th'
only thing that, in q measure, recon
Giles me, is the fact that every one o
these people deserves all they can set
and more, too. I've lived among them
and l ought to know.
Every now and then the Fool
Killer holds a slaughter or immolatio1
day, during which he kills off numbe