West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1905-10-12

in Cuban soil with my now world
wide tax laws. ltis an opportunity
that comes to but one mortal in a
generation. am that mortal oi
the 7oth century as every farmer in
the Stale of West Virginia is proud
to claim me as his savior. / shall
travel the road TO Immortality, OF
some other heaven of Piedom, with
my pie in one hand and my tax laws
in the other hand If you survive
until the 2Ist century you may be
the mortal upon whom my mantle
may fall and excel your illusturous
predecessor in alleviating the farm
ers of America from all taxation as
l have so heroically striven in my
generation. Let your motto
be, Il will die martyr for my pies
and the elimination Of all taxation
from the dropping shoulders of the
American farmers, whose steadfast
devotion and loyalty TO the old
party and voting the ticket straight
from President TO constable,
taught by the ancient Family Jour.
nal, has been such an era of pros.
perity for us piemen, who keep a
vigilant watch over their welfare
on the farm, the primary and the
election I"
"If you do this your future sue
cess as a pieman and a tax reform
er is assured. Nothing can be
gained in this world unless you are
true to your pies and Tax Reform.
With me have always been thus.
l am a model whom you and other
piemen and tax reformers may
model after with an assurance of
prosperity, full dinner pail for
yourself and JOY and happiness for
the farmers.
Last Monday received a ca
blegram from President Palma, of
the Cuban Ring, to take the first
schooner for Cuba as he was great.
ly in danger of losing his pies. He
stated that Gen. Gomez, who was
not familiar with the taste Of pie,
had organized an army Of wild and
and untamed farmers TO make an
assault on Palma pies. In his ca
blegram Palma embodied the fol-
lowing pathetic appeal to me. Re-
membering shat | had made similar
appeals in my fight for my pies
fastened to respond. Here it is:-
have exhausted every means
and device known to the Cuban
piemen to drive Gomez and his
army back to the sod where peace
and happiness abide far from the
worry and excitement of the pie
habit, but he seems 10 be deter
mined to exterminate my bakery
and destoy my pies. No one can
better understand my feelings than
you whose patience as sorely tried
when the wild aad woolly insurgents
of your native land made war on
you and your pies. Having read
in the newspapers of your wonder
ful success in America and Canada
with your famous tax laws | con-
ceived the idea that my only saliva
ton is to get you here and let you
unbridle your tax laws and let them
go romping around the Island of
Cuba aud get the Cuban farmers in
a Tom Lawson frenzied state of ex
element like you did in America
when Gen. Teter and Cornwell we're
waging high crimes and misde-
meanors against you and trying to
capture your pies. Your tax laws
will attract the Cuban farmers, who
will imagine, like the American
farmers did, that there is gold brick
and a diamond ia every package,
and they will desert Gomez like
the American farmers deserted Gen.
erals Teter and Cornwell, and the
pies will be saved to me as they
were to you. SO board the first
schooner displaying the American
foam that made Milwaukee famous
and come straight to Havana"
"My departure from Canada for
Cuba caused great weeping andwail-
ing among the Candian farmers,
whose intoxIcation OF Joy and happi-
ness over my new tax laws is much
greater than you could attain in ten
nights in a bar room in the Bowery
and the red light districts of Charles
ton. You can now draw on your
imagination and judge whether
have not gotten tn e Canadian
farmers chasing the Delusion at the
same rapid gait left the West Vir.
ginia farmers before I took my
departure for Canada.
president Palma has already
flaming posters struck announcing
the arrival Of the Great American
Tax Reformer and Pieman. can
scarcely wend my way through the
streets on account of the immense
crowd who are surging and craning
their necks to get a glimpse of me.
1t the interests keeps up ] feel safe
IN saying / will save the Palma pies
and establish my tax laws in Cuba.
! shall deliver my first tax speech IN
the opera house tonight. II prom
ises 20 be record breaking au-
dience. They have already sworn
in 100 extra policemen in anticipa-
ton Of the Gomez army attacking
US. ! idend to wrap myself up in
the stars and stripes as I have not
as yet denounced my allegiance to
The land Of The free and the home Of