Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1905-12-10
OMIT NONE OF THE AMENDMENTS.

self. he would utilize the boy and make a
few experiments.
The boy proved to be the tallest and
heaviest man in the club rugged out in
Lord Fauntleroy costume. He passed some
slips for guests to write their questions,
two members of the club We're brought up
and blfndfolded and then the substitute pro-
fessor held before their bandaged eyes the
alleged propositions by the guests, which
were read for the companys edlfication
These were among the tests submitted:
Hitchcock have several in my eye
right now"
Shawl positively refuse to stay in the
cabinet after March A. 1909"
Loeb-"Nobody knows the trouble have"
Taft-"What's sixteen millions between
friends?"
Wilson-"There's many a leak between
the cotton and the crook"
Moody-"One big trust litigation In hand
is worth two years more in the cabinet"
Morton - Every insurance president
should have his own submarine boat"
Shonts-"Oh, where is my wandering
canal tonight2'
Cannon-''There is no tariff on foot ball,
so revise 1t all you please"
Beveridge-'I can make better speech
than any that has been made yet
Belasco-"Yes, 1 think It may fairly be
said that William Shakespeare was the
David BefaSCo of his time.
Lodge-"A Goldfish from the deep blue sea,
a highly protected article of commerce Is
to me- and nothing more-but, for Heavens
sake, don't think l eat them
George W. Boyd-'Free list positively
suspended after January l. but, even then
q pass by some other name may smell as
sweet"
J. Pterpont Morgan-"New York Life fas-
cinateS me-"
A Peace Conference.
The entertainment closed with a Gridlron
Club peace conference. Upon the sugges-
ton of a member the chair appointed three
ENJOYS from the club, with an interpreter.
to consider a number of cases of reported
extreme belligerency among public men.
The protocol of the bloody warfare exist
ing between Vice President Fairbanks and
Senator Beveridge declared:
THE attention of the Gridiron peace con-
ference is called to the frightful struggle
that has been going on in Indiana for many
years between Vice President Fairbanks
and Senator Beveridge. This has brought
about much distress and suffering along
the banks of the White river. 1t has
caused Vice President Fairbanks to say
things privately about Senator Beveridge
that would not look well in print and has
led Senator Beveridge to think thoughts
that will have to be filtered before they
are used. Moreover, 1t has led to much
wear and tear on the body polite of In
diana who spend their time trying to find
out who is on top, so that the proletariat
may not get left, and are thus deprived of
opportunity to exercise their natural func-
ton of whiting historical novels, poetry
and plays and of skinning such suckers as
may come within the borders of their
state"
Two club members advanced as proxies
for Mr.. Fairbanks and Mr.. Beveridge and
scowled at each other. who are your" de-
manded Beverage.
man who iuyanted Fair
banks scales. And who are your
eye Gods What a question! I am the
man who invented soda water"
German and Rayner.
The chairman then read another protocol:
at having developed recently that the
great concern of the two senators from
Maryland for the uplifting of the black
voters has caused them to fall into q condi-
ton of acute hostility, the Gridiron Club
peace conference is hereby asked to pacify
these belligerents and restore amity in
Maryland. The terrapin are in hiding. The
canvas-back ducks are not lighting in the
Chesapeake: German Is sulklng In his tent
at Laurel and Rayner Is putting out state
ments at the rate of six an hour
The proxies of these senators came for
ward.
"Tl never speak to him., cried Senator
Germans proxy He is the man who
wrote All Coons Look Alike to Me-
Yes, and I'm going to write another, en-
titled I Don't Care IL You Never Come
Back" anwered Senator Rayner's proxy.
Secretary Taft and Senator Dick were
represented by proxies.
AT last l meet you face to face!'' said
Senator Dicks proxy. You are the man
and make mo look like one of Tom john
sons 3-cent car faresf
Mr.. Secretary are you going to submit
to this TRADE in silence?"
'I am q cabinet officer. Are there any
newspaper correspondents PRESENT.
THE room is full of them.
Il am a cabinet officer" said the Taft
proxy, and he proceeded to tie a handker-
chief over his mouth.
Champion Belligerents.
Senators Spooner and La Toilette were
represented by proxies, and quarreled and
giared.
I'VE have assembled before us the world s
foremost beliigerents," announced the chair.
II submit that it is the duty of this honor
able conference to make every effort to
pacify them. If necessary, we must use
force
During speech evidences of hostility had
grown rapidly; angry murmurs filled the
air.
Gentlemen. this is solemn hour. Every
body is at peace but you. The Gridiron
Club is determined that amity shall be
universal. so that everybody can Join In
and soak the railroads. We have been APP
pointed to bring about a lasting and honor
able peace. We beseech you
The protests grew into a veritable riot
The proxies would not have peace AT that
a fantastic figure. carrying a demijohn. ap-
peared. announcing this message from w
r. Jerome:
TO the Gridiron Peace Conference: have
tried all kinds of peace dope, and desire
to indorse the bearer as possessing the only
reliable formula for reform in existence
And what is your brand of reform?"
"Chlo-reform!" cried the newcomer
II hate to do It," said the chair, .sbut
It's our only chance for peace. Take them
away" and the head chloroformer. marched
away with his VICTIMS.
Enlivened by Speeches.
Several delightful speeches during the
evening by prominent men enlivened the
proceedings. Mindful. perhaps OF the adj
monition that reporters are never present.