Chicago eagle. [volume] (Chicago, Ill.) 1889-19??, 1905-01-07

INFERIOR artIcIe-lOWH IOpiCs'
The Lady--That isn't the same story
you told me before. The Beggar--No.
lady; you didn't believe the other one.
-Ex.
He-Can't we just quietly separate
without getting a formal divorce? She
But I'm already engaged to another.
Life.
rs your wife economically" VERY.
She can tx over ten-dOllar hat for
$15 30 1t will look just as good 40 a
new one."-Puck.
Big Brother--Now. Willie. you must
give me the larger half of the apple.
because mamma says we mustn't be
greedy.--Harper's Bazaar. Z
How are you making out in writing
for the magnzlnesI' Just holding my
own. They send me back rs much as
I send them. detroit Free Press.
Uncle Josh-'AIost every official that
amounts to anything has to file an an.
nual report. Uncle llirnm-.Ycs; an l
guess that's about all some of 'em do.
Puck.
Tourist say. guide. what does that
memorial stOn" commemorate? Guide
1 put 1t there. 1t was upon that spot
a tourist once gave me five frances
Tit Bits.
Aleekly--Ycs. we're going TO move to
Swnmphurst. DOctOr--But the climate
there may Disagree with your wife.
Meekly--lt wouldn't dare.--l'hiladel.
phia Press.
Nell--Mr. Kranmcrer IL so kind. He
said l took II very pretty and very ar.
tistic picture. Beli--lndeed! And
whose picture did you take, dear?--
Philadelphia Ledger.
Iady--very healthy place. Is It?
Have you any idea what the death.
rate Is hereY Caretaker--Wpll. mum.
l cant 'zactly say: hut it's about one
apiece all rOund.--runch.
Mrs. Smith--i'd like TO sell you a
| ticket. sir. We're getting up Il rattle
| for Il poor sailor. Mr.. Krusty--Not to
me. I wouldn't know what to 10 with
a sailor II I won hi,n.--Ex.
Most divorces are caused by u very
common mistake" What Is IT."
MANY Il man In love only with Il dim.
ole or a curl makes the mistake of mar.
rying the whole girl.
Clarinda-Arcn't :ou allowed to
keep II dog In your new Hat! FlOrinda
l 20 had IN ,yiy. ti.ln N lint
Jack had his dear little bark put In
our phonogr,ph.- Amusant.
lda--Are they really so rich? May
II should say so. When they slipped
several spoons and saucers into their
grips the hotel clerk said it was mere.
~ the souvenir hobby.,-Chlcago News.
Heavens" exclaimed the first moth,
"here's Il fine prospect Of starving to
death" "How so:" inquired the 9th.
or one. There's nothing In this box
we're locked up In but II bathlng-suit'
Xxx.
| Miss Passay--You may sheer at pei
dogs. but they're faithful. anyway
I'd rather kiss II good dog than some
men. Mr.. Shnrpe-Well. well. some
men are born lucky.-Philadelph
Ledger.
Edith--Is 1t true. Dolly. that Lnrklr
kissed you before he picked you up IN
that runa way? Dolly-Yes. dear: YOU
know he Is studying to he doctor
and that was first aid to the injured
| ChjcugO Record Herald.
Photographers would suggest that
you relax the features u little ana rs
sumo u more pleasing expression. Mrs
Well. Semi suppose | can do II II YOU
insist. but I can tell YOU right now !,
won't look like me.--Chicago Tribune
what" asked the fenale-suffrag ~
| advocate with the square chin. "ha,
become Of our manly menu "SOms
| Of them" replied the meek and lOwly
| citizen, 'have married wOinanly WON
en-, and are now engaged In raising
childish children. Chicago News.
Uncle George have read your arti
Gle over. and l must say 1t shows Z
great deal Of originality. Arthur
| Thanks. I'm sure! I hattered myself
there were some ideas In II. Uncle
George-I was not speaking Of thu
composition. but Of the spelling
Boston Transcript.
| 1t was on the old camp ground
Pass de hat" suggested Bruddal
Wheatly. Hut the parson raised hls
hand. mo, sah." he shouted, ''dere'l
be no hats about 1t. Pass a tin box
wild chain to 1t. DE last time hal
was passed around heah 1t nevah came
back, and had to 70 home barehead
ed."-Chicago News.
II must have new gown and cOat
ut once" "Great thunderatiOn. WON
an, how can you ask for gown ant
coat when you have to testify In N.
bankruptcy hearing next week." 81
simply have to have them. do vol
think l can face the people In tn,
courtroom when ! am wearing my OLE
clothes ."-Indianapolis Sun.
Fond MOther--You will be 3 year,
| old tomorrow, Willie. and l want I,
give you real birthday treat. Tel
me what you would like better thar
anything else. Willie latter thinking
earnestly for Ave Misunderstanding me
whole box Of chocolate creams. moth
err, and ask Tommy Smith to come II
and watch me eat 'em.--Y0uth.
Mr.. Uggy-.Don't you remember