Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1905-07-07

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Mrs. Jenks-You acted awfully silly
when you proposed to me. Mr.. jerks
We'll, Cleveland Leader.
He-Do you read all the popular
novels Of the dayi she-Gracious, mol
have just time to see how they end.
l-Ex.
He-As I sat there alone, Hilda
came along and offered me a penny
for my thoughts. She-The extrava-
CANT ure!-Boston Transcript.
Old Gent-My poor child! Did not
your parents leave you anything when
they died2 Poor Child-Yep! Dey left
me an orphanl-Boston Transcript
! "oh, papa. the duke has proposed to
mer' HE hasf" Eyes, papa. And
he says l can wear a coronetl Here's
the pawn toicke for itr"-Cleveland
Leader.
penses of an automobile, and I find
the greatest cost is the operation. Puff
fer-Mechanical or surgical
apolis Star.
Jim-Say, Bill, wot would yer do
If yer had million dollars? Bill
Oh, s'pose I'd blow about half Nv
1t maxim 1neself sick an de other half
tryin' ter find out wot wuz de matter
wild mex.
What does the first expert say?"
"He says the prisoner is guilty." "And
the second expertw mot guilty"
There's a third expert, isn't there?"
"Yes; he says both the other experts
are liars."-Houston Chronicle.
| Oficer-What Is the complaint here;
Orderly Offering basin)-Taste that
sir. Officer (tasting)-Well think it's
excellent soup. Orderly-Yes, sir:
that's the trouble: they want to. per-
suade us it's Glasgow Evening
Times.
i Fond Young Mother with her first
born)-Now, which of us do you think
he Is like? Friend Gudicially)-Well,
of course, intelligence has not really
dawfed in his countenance yet, but
he's wonderfully like both of you.-
Punch.
Broadway-Too bad about old Gott.
rocks. Manhattan-Why, what's the
matter with him? Broadway-He
started In to make enough money to
retire ON, and made SO much that he's
got to work overtime to take care OF
tit.-Life.
(which do you think counts for the
most in life, money or brains?" "Well,
answered Miss Cayenne, 81 see sc
many people who manage to get OF
with SO little of either, that l am be-
ginning to lose my respect for both. .
Washington Star.
Guest-This is the fourth Hme I've
rung for ice water! Bell Boy know
1t, sir, but the hotel Is full of people
that were at that same banquet, and
every time I started down the hal
to your room somebody reached out
and snatched the pitcherLDeroit
Free Press.
The Actor-Look here. old man,
wish you'd lend me five dollars In ad
vance, and take it out of my frs
weeks salary. The Manager-But, my
dear fellow, just supposing, for tht
sake of argument, that couldn't pay
! you your. first weeks salary-whert
would be?-Life.
. The managing editor wheeled hi
8 chair around and pushed a button h
the wall The person wanted entered
3 Here" said the editor, "are mum
: ber Of directions from outsiders as t,
4 the best way to run newspaper. Se'
: that they are all carried out" Ant
the office boy, gathering them all int
a large waste basket, did so.-Wash
! ington Life.
"Give you a hickel?" said Miss D
Style; 'oh, no. never dispense pro
| miscuous aims. Why do you not oh
. tain employment" Please, mum,
was the timid reply, 81 have a smal
baby, and people won't be bothered b.
woman with a child" "Then, yol
: absurd creature, why not leave tn
child at home with its nurse ?'-Phi
. adelphia Bulletin.
Gen. phil Sheridan was at on
time asked at what little incident di
he laugh the most. WELL" he said
81 do not know, but l alway
laugh when l think of the Irish
4 man and the army mule. I wa
n riding down the line one day, when
e saw an Irishman mounted on a muk
I which was kicking its legs rather free
ly. The mule finally got its hoo
: caught in the stirrup, when, in the e1
citement, the Irishman remarked
We'll, begorrah, If you're goin' to &c
on, I'll get Off
Its mighty easy to make mIstak
in person." remarked John A. M
: Call Of the New York Life Insuranc
Company a few days ago to a frient
'Its like the case Of sea captai
l once knew. He got married late |
life and progressed little further tina
the honeymoon when his wife packe
, up her duds and ran off with hant
somer man. Well remarked the cal