The Springdale news., 1905-03-17
AN UP-TO-DATE HOTEL.
Rules and Regulations Which Could Not Fail to Please the Most
 Exaeting Guest.


 :hange of an excellent summer hotel in he Blue Ridge. not anything like thousand miles from Washington, says the Star, is the following neatly type written presentation of the hotels ad- vantages:
 This hotel has been built and ar ranged for the special comfort and con- venience of the travelling public.
 "On arrival each guest will be asked how he likes the situation. and if he says the hotel ought to have been placed near 1T the railroad depot, the location of the house will be immediately changed.
 Corner front rooms. up only one flight. for each guest
 Every guest will have the best seat Tn the dining hall and the best waiter in che house
 Children will be welcomed with de- light. and are requested to bring hoop sticks and hockeys to bang the carved rosewood furniture. especially provided for that purpose. and peg tops to spin en the velvet carpets. They will be allowed to bang on the piano at all hours. fall downstairs. carry away dessert enough for a small family in their pockets at dinner, and make themselves as general ly disagreeable as the fondest mother can desire
 Washing allowed in rooms Ladies giving an order to put me on a f1atiron' will be given one any hour of the day or night.
 The office clerk has been carefully se- lected out of large number of appli- cants, to please everybody He can lead in prayer, play draw poker. match worsteds in the village store. play bil- lizards. is a good waltzer, can lead the german. make fourth at euchre amuse the children. is good judge of race horses and keeps the dope, books right up to the minute; as a railroad or steam boat reference is far superior to Apple tons Guide or anybody else.s; will fiirt with any young lady involuntarily in- clfned to wallflowerishness. and not mind being cut to death when pa comes down, can room 40 people in the best room in the house when the hotel is full and they're sleeping in the halls on cots four deep; attend to the annunciator and the telephone, and answer questions in Greek. Hebrew, Choctaw. Irish, Siwash kanaka, Filipino or any other polite lan- guage. all at the same moment, without turning hair.
 Dogs allowed in any room in the house. The management will esteem it special favor if persons owning small fox terrier pups, just at the teething stage will see to 1t that the nuts eat up all the upholstery they can during their so- journ in our midst
 Separate golf links for each and every guest of the house. with four eaddies to each guest. without extra charge.
 Guests are particularly requested to allow the spigots to remain open and the water to run In their room wash basins all night
 Any lady who feels aggrieved because some other lady has more and better clothing has only to report her grievance to the clerk. and the offender will be turned out of the house at once.
 The landlord will always be happy to hear that some other hotel few squares away is the best hotel in the country. ,
 Any ehambermaid failing to make ur each guests room and bed the first thing in the morning, before any of the other room or beds are attended to, will Dc handed over to the police
 ''Women with several young children are requested to see to it that their young ones play Jumping from the Brooklyn bridge and catehey-horsey' as soon as they awaken at half-past five each morn ing in order that persons occupying rooms below may sleep better
 Any lady objectiHg to the presence of the bar in the basement has only to report her objection to the management and the bar will be closed at once and the fixtures sold to the highest bidder.
 Two elevator boys, especially em ployed for their affability, are required to carry all the children in the house from the basement to the top floor of the house at all hours of the day and night Adult guests are not permitted 10 in terfere with the children in this matter
 "The string orchestra has been espe eially chosen for it's ability to render 73 different request compositions at one and the same time.
 All children above the age of three years are permitted to run the house au- tomobile anywhere they want to run it The house holds itself responsible for any damages resulting to children or automobile.
 Mothers of little girls are particularly requested to have these angel children to play the Chop Sticks and Monastery Bells on the hotel piano at all hours
 Small boys are permitted, without re- proval, to pull the plug out of the swim ming pool in the basement
 We don't know how long we're going to last, but we're going to last as long as we can.
 For further information as to the house and it's advantages see booklet"
 Leap Year Maid.
 Uncle John." queried the pretty -~.w,