The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-05-26

Chicago News.
HUM0R OF THE Day
First waiter-Did that Arizona ranch
man give you a tip?
told me if didn't step lively he'd blow
off the top of my head.-Detroit Free
Press.
Itinerant Ike-Ever play chess7
Weary Walter-No; too much like work.
Itinerant Ike-Why, you can sit for an
hour or more without moving?
Weary Walter-But you've got to move
sometime, haven't you?-Yonkers States
man.
But. BERTHE" said his mother, you
you, Aren't you satisfied"
No, 1 amt growled BERTHE. You was
50 easy I'm kicl1in' meself now cause I
didn't ask fur four. philadelphia Press.
Does your paper get out a colored sup
visitor of Col. Bloodleigh
Not at all! The niggers read the same
paper the Whitesi' replied the distin-
guished editor.-New Orleans Times-Dem-
Graft is surprisingly common" said the
apprehensive citizen.
That is where you are wrong" answer
ed Senator Sorghum. "A real good graft
is getting to be one of the scarcest things
in our once proud and luxurious civiliza-
ton. w ashlngton Star.
my dear" said old Skinner, did it ever
occur to you that all the misers you read
about are single menu"
Yes" answered Mrs. s., with a tinge of
sarcasm, married misers are so common
the newspapers evidently consider them
unworthy of notice. Chicago Daily
News.
DO you think that mosquitoes carry
4 dunno answered Farmer Corntossel.
Washington Star.
DO you keep fresh fsh?" asked the la
Not if We can help it, replied the vii
right away. Chicago Daily News.
D'Auber-Is sketohleigh much of an art
smearitt-The illustrator? No, he copies
everything. Couldn't draw his salary with
out using tracing paper.-Cleveland
She strikes me as woman of constant
singleness of purpose. She's So
She does seem likely" interrupted the
spiteful thing, TO be a woman Of constant
singleness, but I wouldn't say of purpose.
think she can't help herself "-Philadel-
phia. Press
hat like that? Why. it's outrageous4
Salesman-But YOU forget, madame, It
mas been especially reduced from SIS.
Mrs Sob, in that case, I'll take it.
You see I didn't know it had been re-
duced.-Washington Life.
The Crocodile-whatl Trying to get a
drink on Sunday, Ell? III have to pull You
in.-Punch.
Obadiah said his wife, who had been
reading the. Rev Dr. Gladden's latest pro-
you knew it was tainted money!"
Lawyer Sharpe looked hxedly at her,
know about business, anyhow?-Chicago
i Tribune.
Yes" said the veteran of many wars.
q have participated in seventeen en-
ssWhatH' exclaimed the pretty grass
widow. And you are still bachelor? -
/ Chicago News.
Upgardson-what has become of your
new automobile? I haven't seen it for
month or more
It blew up soon after I got it.-Chicago
| Tribune.
"Oh, yes. Jack loves me, but he never
says so. He is fearfully business like in
everything he does. He's so devoted to
system and habit that he does some very
s.What?' for instance.
why, he files my love letters In a
| Cincinnati Commercial Tribune.
Church worker-would YOU assist US.
good sir, to send a missionary to the can
| nibals?
rian-but I'll assist you to send them some
easily digested cereal!-Puck
Feminine Art Student-What became Of
| Mr.. Hilight, who showed much talent here
last term? None of his work has been
MascHline Art student-Oh. YES, but it
isn't signed. Hilight's on The Evening
/ SAFFRON He draws those crosses in pho
/ tographs which show where the crime was
| committed.-Puck.
The young man was struggling for
sDon'tl stoDr'
i Twas thus the young lady adjured him.
The young man was wise in his genera
ton. He didn't stop.-Louisville Courier
Journal.
What did papa say?"
He showed me the door.
! And what did you say?''
Il said it was certainly a very hand
some door. but not what I had come to
/ talk about. That made him laugh and a
minute later you were mine ''-Tit-Bits
Miss Giggles-Mr. Cooley took me to
! see the performance of your play, and
/ enjoyed It so much.
De Riter--lDelighted to hear you say 50
+ box of fine bon-bons between us.-Phila-
delphia Ledger.
He spends money like water"
/ 'tOh, he must be life insurance presi-
/ dent.''-Y onlxers Herald
Yes" SAID the new teacher to Bronco
Bob, I have come west to teach the
young. idea how to shoot
That's all right, stranger replied Bob,
/ but you wanter teach EN- ter rope an
brand, too.''-Houston Post.
Manageable glass eater has given no
/ tice.
Press Agent-What's wrong?
/ Manager-Oh, he's got an offer from the