davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
St. Tammany farmer., 1905-01-14
Automobiles and Women.

]
Mr.. CrimSOnbeak-Autom are
good deal like women.
Mrs. Crimsonbeak-Beca they are
expensive, suppose?
mot exactly. Because they are hard
to control, and when they get cranky
you don't know what's the matter with
them. ."-Yonkers Statesman.
St. Tammany farmer., 1905-01-14
Yette.

A man who loved his cigarette
Would beg one from each Tcan he mette
He died one day
And people say
They think that he Is smoking yette.
Chicago Chronicle
St. Tammany farmer., 1905-01-14
D;sconcerts the Pastor.

A prominent English clergyman
once congratulated an old lady on her
bravery in fighting her way to church
against a terrible tempest, but re-
ceived the disconcerting reply: MY
husband gets SO cross-grained after
meals that l have to get out of his
way. so might as well go to church. Z"
Journal.
St. Tammany farmer., 1905-01-14
Acheless Teeth.

What shall get for your birth
day?'' asked father of his five-year-
old daughter, who was suffering from
toothache
I'D like some teeth like mammals.
so can take 'em out when they ache"
replied the observing miss-Chicago
News.
St. Tammany farmer., 1905-01-14
Precise

Who is the villain in your produc-
uon! asked the hotel clerk.
Well,' answered Mr.. Stormington
Barnes, the man who plays the vii
lain IS named Smith; but the real vii
lain is the manager who got us out
here. Washington Star.
St. Tammany farmer., 1905-01-14
Two Kinds.

"You say there are two kinds of liter
ary success?"
Yes" answered the publisher. Zone
depends on how well an author can
write. and the other ON how much."-
Washington Star.
St. Tammany farmer., 1905-01-14
Charlie Lost.

Patience-Did you say Charlie Halt
back asked for her hand?
Patrice-Yes.
How cd he come out?
ooh, her father won in the kick-cff. |
believe yonkers Statesman.
St. Tammany farmer., 1905-01-14
Glory.

~ understand that her mother is
one OF the Daughters of the American
Revelation"
YES, but the thing that interests
me Il that the girl herself is the
daughter of q millionaire N Y.
EIerald-
St. Tammany farmer., 1905-01-14
French Railroad Traffic,

Returns of the traffic receipts of the
Tx great railroads in France show an
aggregate loss of $1.575,2O in nine
months Of the present year, with total
Of $14S, ,9o6, 600.
St. Tammany farmer., 1905-01-14
Easily Accommodated

oh, spare me. dear angel cne lock
OF your hair a bashful young lover
took courage and sighed.
Twere a sin to refuse so modest
a prayer, so take the whole wig" the
sweet creature replied.-BroWn Book.
St. Tammany farmer., 1905-01-14
Contrary to Her Experience

@ChaYiey, dear" said young Mrs
Torkins, Il wish l were a bookmaker.' .
''Why?"
people seem so generous and good
natured about giving bookmaker
money. ."-Washingt Star.
St. Tammany farmer., 1905-01-14
What He Would no

What would you do if you were a
klng?' asked the man of vaulting am
.bition
don't know" answered the matter
of-fact person; Il suppose I'd follow
the fashion and wear a look of worry
and bullet proof shirt Washington
Star.
St. Tammany farmer., 1905-01-14
Explained Classical Allusion

"Pangborn is always making those
classical illusions. What did he mean
by saying that even Homer nods?"
.Eh? Oh, yes. You see, Homer was
blind, and SO they never could tell
when he was asleep until he nodded.
All those classical things are simple
enough when you understand 'em."-
Cleveland Plain Dealer
St. Tammany farmer., 1905-01-14
Things Will Take a Turn.

Bess-1 was very much surprised to
hear of your engagement with young
snipkins
Nell-And why. pray?
Bess-Less than two weeks ago you
told me you hated him.
Nell-Oh, he hadn't proposed then
Chicago News
St. Tammany farmer., 1905-01-14
1ngratitude.

He Is monster of ingratitude."
Yes. His wife was nurse in a hos.
pital. After she had got MIN through
a serious illness he marriad her,
Chicago Record Herald.
St. Tammany farmer., 1905-01-14
Thoughts.

"A penny for your thoughts, dear?''
said the young girl who had Just said
Yes"
I'd give four dollars to know your
fathers without speaking to him.
said the young man, with feeling
Yonkers Statesman.
St. Tammany farmer., 1905-01-14
Natural Deduction.

Gyer-I heard to-day that Chalkleigh's
mind is diseaseS.
Myer-What's the cause thereof?
Gyer-Water on the brain. imagine
He's In the dairy business, you know
Chicago News
St. Tammany farmer., 1905-01-14
The Grammar Of Love.

He-Give me kiss.
She-I won't.
He-You shouldn't say Il won't"
You should say Il prefer not to.''
she-But that wouldn't be true
Bits.
St. Tammany farmer., 1905-01-14
Selection.

"Bliggins smokes the best cigars"
'Yes; he smokes the best he car
get hold of and gives the poor ones to
his friends - Washington Star.
St. Tammany farmer., 1905-01-14
Pined for It.

You say you'd like to hear some mu-
sic? Why thought there was a piano
and mandolin and cornet and vio-
lin at your boarding house?'
Eyes, that's why I'd like some mu-
sic"-Houston Post.
St. Tammany farmer., 1905-01-14
1nsinuating.

The world is STAGE" she said dra-
matically, 'and we women are really
the star performers Men are mere
clowns"
Perhaps" he retorted, glancing at
her cheeks, "but it keeps the star per-
formers busy making up. p.''-Chicago
News.
St. Tammany farmer., 1905-01-14
roRruR1NG, D1sF1GUR1NG
Humors, Eczemas, Itchinss, innn m-
nations, Burnfngs, ScaIinss and
CbafinEs Cured by Cuticura.

The agonizing itching and burning of
the skin as in 6e the os ef har sea sna
nrsst;no ry, Of fhe scalp. as in SCALED head;
the II Is facial disfgurements, as in pimsles
and ringworm; the awful suffering of tn
fants. @ and anxiety of worn-out parents,
as in milk crust, tetter and salt rheuni-
ali demand remedy of almost superhu-
man virtues to successfully cope with
them. That Cuticura Soap, Ointment and
pills are such stands proven beyond all
doubt by the testimony 1t the 1Slllzed
world
St. Tammany farmer., 1905-01-14
A Scarcity.

Ihe poets surely would have writ
More pieces on November,
If anything would rhyme with il
Except the word remember
Washington Star.
St. Tammany farmer., 1905-01-14
The Peruna Almanac in 100000
Homes.

The Peruna Lucky Day Almanac has be-
come fixture in over eight million homes.
1t can be obtained from all druggists free.
Be sure to inquire early. The 1903 Almanac
is already published, and the supply will
soon be exhausted. Do not put it off. Get
one today.
St. Tammany farmer., 1905-01-14

A Guaranteed Cure for Piles.
Itching. Blind. Bleeding or Protruding Piles.
Your druggist viii refund money ii PAzO
OINTMENT fails to cure in to Il days. 5Oc.
St. Tammany farmer., 1905-01-14
COMPLETELY CURED.

Mrs. P. Brunei, wife of p. Brunei,
stock dealer, residence Sill Grand
Ave, Everett. WASH. saws: For fif-
St. Tammany farmer., 1905-01-14

The United States has granted $500 pat
ents to women, but as yet there is no
device for keeping hat on straight
Milwaukee Sentinel
St. Tammany farmer., 1905-01-14
Guaranteed Mining Investments.

We are the largest mine operators in
the West, and cordially invite you to
write for prospectus and full particulars
about our nine associated companies,
which have joined in forming our In
yestor's Guarantee Association, with S.
600 900 capital to guarantee all our in
vestors against loss. Write for. free in
formation and be convinced. Arbuckle~
Goode Commission Company, 1926 Olive
Street, st. Louis, Mo.
St. Tammany farmer., 1905-01-14
They Merely Tote ,Eun.

NOW. how do you move your poles about p
We queried. DO you feat emp
The chief replied with cheerful shout:
"Oh. no! We merely totem"
Chicago Journal.
St. Tammany farmer., 1905-01-14

The still small voice Of conscience is
sometimes so irritating that one is tempt
ed to retort that talk is cheap.-Puck.
St. Tammany farmer., 1905-01-14

To proffer a small sum as brlbe il an
insult Chicago Daily News.
St. Tammany farmer., 1905-01-14
He Got the Ioh

BOSWELL, what kind of a salary
would you start in on?
1zzy-Ten tousand a year.
Boss-What?
Izzy-Yep; but you kin beat me
down to two dollars und fifty cents a
veek.-Judge.
St. Tammany farmer., 1905-01-14

How can you want to marry ms
daughter if you have never met her and
know nothing about her
But know all about you, sir. Chi
cago Chronicle.
St. Tammany farmer., 1905-01-14
| 4 IS ( k5m!LESHhEg = !! "a
Fame in Punch.

It's funny how quickly fame comes
70 the professional pugilist. Just one
punch and"
Yes, he's mere nobody, but some
morning he wakes up and finds him
self famous
Oh, no. He doesn't become famous
by waking up, but by putting some
one else to sleep."-Chicago Journal
St. Tammany farmer., 1905-01-14

II think" said the officeseeker, that
NV work during the campaign should
entitle me to the office" .'What did You
do?' asked the political boss: Il also
smoke on dozen or more different oc-
casions. .''-Philadelphia Press.
St. Tammany farmer., 1905-01-14

She-Is my hat on straight, Cholly?
He-No; it tilts to the right.
She-That is just what it should do,
you simpleton.-St Louis Republic.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1905-12-26
Awaiting Definite Action.

Nothing definite has yet been done by the
Smithsonian regents about either accepting
declining the Freer offer The matter
stands just where it did after the meeting
of the regents in November. when Mr.. Freer
was thanked for his generous offer and ten
tative provision was made for bringing a
part of the collection to Washington for
exhibition this winter. 1t is possible that
this partial display may not now be made.
When Mr.. Freer was in Washington recent
~. he said that he had promised part of the
collection as loan exhibit to the Phla-
delphfa Academy of Fine Arts for their
regular winter exhibition. 1t may be that
some of the pictures and art objects will
be brought to Washington after the Phila-
delphfa exhibition, or it may then be con-
sidered too late.
The interest of President Roosevelt in the
CORRECTION Is enhanced by the fact that he
has seen 1t In Mr.. Freers house in Detroit.
ana was very much struck with it's beauty
ana completeness at the time Wien Mr. Frear
was here he took luncheon at the White
House, where the subject was again dis
eussed, and it is thought by those inter-
ested IN the matter that the letter of the
president on the subject was written large
~ as a public acknowledgment of Mr..
treers generosity, and to give wider pub
nclty TO the advantages that would accrue
to Washington in securing such a notable
permanent exhibit. President Roosevelt
believes firmly in Washington's future as
the art and literary center of this coun-
try, and he is keenly alive to every chance
OF forwarding this development
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1905-12-26
WHERE FADs ARE USEFUL.
Variety and Change in Daily Routine
an Aid to Longevity.
From Medical Talk.

From Medical Talk
One of the professors In the University
of Nebraska claims that the American
people are running too much to fads. He
says they are wearing themselves out
either chasing after physical culture,
golf, tennis. automobiling, massage, diet,
baths. sc. He denominates these things
as fads. The person gets interested In one
or more of them and spends great deal
of time and energy pursuing them.
No doubt a person can run thing into
the ground and make IL harmful, even
though of itself it be good thing But
We believe that every person should have
at least one side issue or fad from his
regular vocation.
After one gives so much time every day
to the routine of work to turn aside for
while and take up ~goifing, tennis or
physical culture. or other outdoor sport,
Is Festful and beneficial. True, some peo-
pie do become regular cranks on health
culture. Diet bathing, athletic sports, &C.,
but any one of these pursued in modera-
ton. with common sense. can be made Of
great deal OF use. especially to the per-
son confined in an ONCE all day. It brings
into play the muscles that are unused
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1905-12-26
Worse Than ChildIessness.
: York Medical Journal.

From the New York Medical Journal
There are parts of the world where girl
babies are drowned like superfuous kit
tens. and. others in which it is not uncom-
mon for the daughters in the large fami-
lies or the poor to be sold by their parents
into lives of prostitution.
On the other hand, the pages of history
are hlled with examples of the devoted
lives OF chiidless men and women who
nave worked unselfishly for the good Of
their kind. Bachelors and virgins ia va
been the saints of the world. and the
childless are the phiIanthropists, the
founders OF colleges, hospitals. art colIec.
lions and libraries, the philosophers the
great writers, leaders and thinkers of the
race. Plato, Joan of Are SayonaroIa
George Washington, David Hume Locke
Spinoza, Thomas Carlyle, Florence Night,
ingale, Ruskin and Herbert Spencer are
only Few of the great names i'm this
class An interesting volume could he
written on the indebtedness of the world
10 childiess men and women The mai
tern OF civic virtue with twelve unkemnt
children and jaded careworn wife ha g
been held up for our admiration lone
enough Without decrying matrimony we
may now speak a good word for the re.
spectacle celibate
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1905-12-26
TAKES HIS OWN LIFE
HERBERT CADDICK HANGS HIM
SELF WITH CLOTHES LINE.

Brooding over the death of his wife and
stronger than water proved so serious a
combination for Herbert Caddick a brick
layer, that he committed suicide at his
home, 40 Massa chusetts avenue northwest
last night by hanging himself. Mrs Cad
dick died just two years ago. leaving her
husband to care for several children. 1t is
stated by persons who knew him that he
has been under the influence of liquor many
times since his wife died. and it is also said
dick was about home most of the day yes
terday and seemed to enjoy the company
of his children.
Last night the children were away from
the house visiting neighbors when their
father entered and went to the kitchen
Driving big spike in the top of the door
and fastening piece of clothes line to it
Caddick was soon hanging by his neck
There was not room enough for him to
stretch his full length from the tsp of
the door to the floor and 1t was necessary
for him to draw up his feet. 1t was in
this drawn position that his son.. Walter
Caddtck, found his body. The boy ran from
the house and told Policemen Beauregard
and Mccarthy of the CHASTITY sight he had
discovered. The two policemen hurried to
the house and lowered the body. 1t was
useless to summon a physician as life had
been extinct long enough for the body to
become cold.
Coroner hewitt gave Undertaken Costello
permission to take charge of the remains
and prepare them for burial This morning
the coroner made an investigation and gave
certificate of death In accordance with
the facts.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1905-12-26

and 1t drives from his mind all business
cares and sets another train of thought
going. Reasonable attention to diet and
bathing is also sure to improve health.
The woman who is confined to her home
the larger part of the day with house
work will find golf or tennis or an hour
spent in physical culture relief to tired
muscles and nerves.
Change and variety in our daily routine
is necessary to our well-being No mat
ter what our regular vocation may be, 1t
Is harmful to get into a rut--just simply
going through a treadmill of duty day
after day with no let-up. One should all
ways try to bring into each day some
new activity. some new train of thought
1t is not a wise thing to get into GER
tain groove and just simply wear ones
life away. Monotony kills quicker than
anything else. We should have our daily
work, in which we are interested, put our
energy and enthusiasm into it and do it
with all our might. Then when that is
done turn to some other form OF activity
or rest.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1905-12-26
The Fight for Youth.

From the Womsn's Home Companion.
have very little regard for the fight
against time which spends itself on a
strife with gray hairs and wrinkles. There
used to be picture published as an adj
verttsement In which an elderly woman had
one side of her face all ironed out smoothly
while the other was wrinkled and worn
The wrinkied side was the more pleasing.
As we grow older every line in the conn
tenance should tell a story of loving deeds
We are making for ourselves In youth tha
masques We shall wear to the very end
Every fretful, disconnected dissatisfied ex-
preston writes itself upon the face So thot
the sweetest and ripest natures win have
the rarest loveliness when they grow old
woman is as old as she looks
and as old as she feels A sign of
our increased health and vitality TODAY is
found In the fact that woman of ffftv
looks about as old as woman formerly
looked at thirty-fve, and many an active
woman of eighty has the vigor that was
formerly common at sixty. The miiestones
need brighten nobody. Older people are no
longer put In corner, nor are they ex-
pected to hug the chimney corner IT Is a
woman.s obligation to be charming to her
latest day.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1905-12-26
STUMP SPEAKERS STORIES.
Speech on a Coffin-Man Talked Pro-
hibition in a Saloonkeeper's Hall.

FROM the Kansas City Star.
THE funniest experience I ever had in a
political campaign was when was making
speeches for the sound money democrats in
1896 said James Garner. the attorney. 1T
was in little town in northwest Missouri
We were billed to speak there but when
we arrived we found that the only hall in
town had been filled with apple barrels by
the free silver democrats on purpose to
prevent US holding meeting. But We rust
led around and finally secured a storeroom
and held the meeting there. l was the first
speaker and when arose laid my manu-
script upon a box in front of me and saw
that 1t was coffin. The. discovery so dis
concerted me that for a few seconds 1
could only stand and stare at the coffin
free silver democrat saw the cause OF
my embarrassment and made IT worse by
shouting:
oh. that's all right. Garner. go ahead on
a dead issue anyway
Frank NJ. Lowe who had listened to Mr.
Gamers story, said:
1.-The queerest experience I ever had in
political campaign was when 1 was running
for governor on the prohibition ticket
had sent word to Cabool small town in
southwest Missouri, that l would speak
there on a certain afternoon. but when L
reached there upon that date l found that
the only hall In town was over a saloon and
was owned by the saloonkeeper OF course
l didn't ask the saloonkeeper to let me have
his hall for a prohibition speech. l went to
the pastor of the principal church. expect
ing TO make the speech there, but L found a
decided sentiment against prohibition. and
not church in town would permit me to
speak there. Next 1 tried to get school
house. but the school directors would not
listen to 1t. L had given up and was sitting
dsconsolate in the hotel office when a large
man entered and asked:
"'Are you Mr.. Lowe, the prohibition can
didate for governor
II am / answered
lis 1t true that they won't let you
speak in any of the churches in the
school?
Yes, sir, that's true.
% WE'LL he said, L own the saloon over
there and have good hall over IL. l VIII
let you speak there. When do you wish to
beginT
II told him the meeting had been adver-
tised for 2 o'clock. He hired two boys with
bells and sent them all over town to cry
my meeting. The consequence was 1 had a
crowded house and the saioonkeeper and
his wife and -children were upon the front
seat. I spoke so long that / missed the
train to Willow Springs twenty-eight miles
away, where / was to speak that night.
and the saloonkeeper hired a horse and
buggy and driver and sent me. without
cost, In time to make my speech there
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1905-12-26
Scandinavian Grouse for Michigan

From the st. Paul Dispatch.
A shipment of game birds from the Scan
dinavian peninsula has been received here,
consigned to the big Grand Island (Lake
Superior) game preserve.
This Is the second shipment received from
that source within the last eighteen months.
the first importation consisting of $50 specf-
mems of the capercailzie and other varieties.
The birds just received consist of hazel
grouse and .'dal rype." the latter beauti-
full bird with white plumage and member
of the grouse family. The hazel grouse Is
smaller than the Michigan partridge. but
larger than our quail, and is a remarkably
hardy foul.
Owing to the fact that the importation of
these birds Is wholly for experimental pur-s
poses only q. small number were pur-
chased, but II 1t develops that they can be
successfully bred on Grand Island a large
number will be added to the present fiecks.
The birds are the only specimens of their
kind in America, and are rare in Sweden,
except in regions remote from civilization.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1905-12-26
Safest Place: an Elevator.

From the Rochester Post Express
Many persons have an objection to riding
in elevators, or. more properly speaking,
this objection should be classed as feel
Ing of dread or fear but according to the
superintendent of a big office building in
Philadelphia the safest place fer person
to be is in an elevator-that is, statisticaily
speaking. In the set of elevators for which
statistics have been kept by the superin-
tendent there has been an average trans
portation of 2, 100000 persons each year for
seven years. an aggregate of 1896. 600. and
OF this number but one person has been in
Jured. and that injury did not result
fatally,
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1905-12-26

Coroner's Physician O'Hanlon performed
an autopsy yesterday afternoon on the body
of Mrs. Mary McCord. GO years old of New
YORK city, who dropped dead In 10th ave-
nue. butcher shop Saturday night while buy
ing Christmas turkey. He found that she
had died of a rupture of one of the ven
tricles of the heart. An hour later neigh
bors of the dead woman who called to see
her body said that she had been deserted
by her husband some time ago., and that
she had been grieving constantly since.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1905-12-26
Retaining the Sahara Desert.
From Hsrper's Weekly.

As result of recent scientific investlga-
tions IL may be possible to revise our ideas
OF the barrenness OF the Sahara desert
since 1t has been found by boring that
there are numerous springs which rise to
the surface and make possible system of
irrigation. In the territory to the south of
Algeria government Irrigation survey has
been at work making series of deep test
feet. In this way considerable water has
been encountered, and In certain cases al
ready twice the usual amount Of water has
been made available for the palm groves.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1905-12-26

by reason of my or their negligence or the
negligence of my or their servants, agents
or employees.
''The exact form Of the bequest or gift
and the details for carrying 1t into execu--
ton are legal questions that can be agreed
upon by counsel representing the institu-
ton or the government and myself. l am,
with great respect,
Very sincerely yours.
nCH RI.ES I. EREER -
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1905-12-26

The shaft building of the Marquette Third
Vein Coal Company. three miles from
Spring Valley, H.. was destroyed by fre
Sunday, and 100 mules were suffocated
The loss - estimated at $259000 with no