The Montgomery advertiser., 1905-04-16

our stock in the canal and buy airship
 stock And talk about business, there is more tonnage goes through the 500 canal, between Michigan and Canada,
 than goes through the Suez. and we
 don't howl about it very much.
 We'll sir, I have studied Gibraltar in
 my geography. and read about 1t in
 the papers. and seen its pictures in ad-
 vertisements, but never realized what
 A big thing it was. Now, who ever
 thought of putting that enormous rock
 right there on the prairie. but God.
 suppose the English. when they saw
 that rock, thought the good Lord had
 put it there for the English to drill
 holes in, for guns, and when the Lord
 was busy somewhere else the English
 smuggled the rock away from Spain,
 by playing a game with loaded dice,
 and when England got 1t, that coun-
 try decided to arm 1t like train rob
 Der, and hold up the other nations of the earth.
 When a vessel passes that rock 1t has to hold up it's hands and salute the
 British flag, or get mess of hardware fired into its vital parts. but that Is all 1t amounts to, cause 1t couldn't win any battle for England. and could only sink trading vessels. The walls Of the rock are perforated from top to bot tom, with holes big enough for guns to squirt smoke and shells, but If the enemy should stay away from right In front of the holes, they might shoot | till doomsday, and never hit anything but fishing smacks and peddlers of or anges.
 Gibraltar is like a white elephant in a geological garden. It just eats, anc keeps off flies with it's short tail ana visitors feed 1t peanuts, and wonder what it is made for, and how much hay it eats Gibraltar Is like $2O gold piece that a man carries in his watch pocket for an emergency, whlch he never intends to spend until he gets in the tightest place in his life, ana it wears out one pocket after another and some day drops through on the
 sidewalk. and a tramp flnds ahH goes on a bat and gets the worth or his money. and has a good time. If he saves enough to buy a bromo-seltzer the next morning after. It is like the Russian war chest, that Is never to be opened as long as they can borrow money.
 If Gibraltar could be put on castors and rolled around from one country to another. England could whip all Flu rope and Asia. It would be a Trojan horse on a larger scale, and be a ter TOT, but, say, if it got to America.
 we wouldn't do thing to 1t. We would run a standpipe up the side, and con meet It with an oil plpe lihe' m UT braltars tunnels and avenues, and magazines with crude oil. and touch a match to 1t. and not an Englishman
 would live to tell about it. Gee. but
 would be sorry for the Irish soldiers, but I guess they wouldn't be there,
 cause they wouldn't fight America. Vel. if England ever has big war | and she gets chesty about Gibraltar, and says it is impregnable. and defies
 the world to take it, bet you ten dol lars it could be taken in twenty-four
 hours. If was a general, or an ad-
 miral I would have about forty tank
 steamers, loaded with kerosene. and
 have them land. innocent like. right up beside Gibraltar, ostensibly to sell oil for perfumery to the natives, who would all be improved by using kero-
 sene on their persons. Then l would
 get on a barrel, on deck of my flagship. | and command the English general to
 surrender internationally, and if he re- fused. I would set slow match on ev- cry oil vessel, and have the crews get
 in skiffs and pull for the opposite