davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-07-14
HUMOR or THE Day

Mother-The professor says he can make
a concert singer out of Grayce. What do
you think of tbs idea?
Father-Splendid. She wouldn't sing in
the parlor any more then, would she?-
Detroit Free Press.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-07-14

A clergyman who was out walking
one Sunday came across some boys
who were playing baseball in vacant
lot. Going up to one of them who
had Just been struck out, he said,
"Y Dung man, don't you know that it
is very wrong to play baseball on
Sunday? What would your father
say if he knew about it?''
you'd better ask him. was the
reply; 'the's playing shortstop. -
Harper's Weekly.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-07-14
ASPHALT

Minister Bowen is dismissed, but not
silenced. Loomis is exonerated. but
not exculpated. Whatever is touched
by asphalt suffers as a consequence
Philadelphia Record.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-07-14
Canine Victory.

Chief Pleasant Porter of the Creek
Nation possesses in a large degree that
Indian trait of studying the habits OF
animals and at times expressing some
animal philosophy that surprises his
white brothers. ]. d. Benedict, super
intendent of Indian Territory schools,
and Chief Porter one day were dis
cussing the peculiar habit of the dog
which runs after a railroad train
barking fiercely, finally returning to
his masters house exhausted. Mr..
Benedict expressed the belief that the
dog was wasting energy and got moth
ing IN return for his effort. Chief Por-
ter thought a moment and then re-
piled:
case does not exert himself uselessly.
He takes after the train believing that
it should be chased out of the country,
and he returns with his task fully ac-
complished so far as he, is concerned.
The train is gone and the dog is hap
py"-Kansas City Journal
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-07-14
HOW?

What right have we to expect the af-
fairs of Kansas to be looked after hon.
estly and with good business judgment
with such men as Tom Kelly, Joe Bur
row, C. C. Coleman and-as a republic
can expressed it to US this week-"a
weak sister like Hoch' in the governor
chair ?-Mankato Advocate
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-07-14

Bluster-Do you mean to say that am
a liar?
BHster-I hope that I could not do so
ungentlemanly thing: but I see you
catch my idea.-IIlustrated Bits.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-07-14
JUST LIKE BURTON.

Some of the papers are urging State
Treasurer Kelly to resign. But follow
ing the example of his personal and
political friend, Senator Burton, Mr.
Kelly says: II will run the state treas
I1rv until NV term is out" And that is
just what Kelly is doing-"running the
state treasury'-as purely private
coucern-Hu News.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-07-14
Final Inducement.

speaking of that lawsuit of which
you told US the other day, I have a
story of that kind which will beat 1t, "
said the lawyer 81 had a case in a
nearby parish in which a man was
arrested for stealing a COW. He was
held over for the grand jury on pre-
iminary hearing and he sent for me.
His letter ran something like this:
'sDere Sir-I am in Jale and the man
sayes I am likely to goe to the pen.
I did not steel the cove and am pur-
fuctly inherent. Pleese gete me out,
if it are the last act of yure life. This
is not a nice place. Pleese do get me
out 1 think I can pay you sum day.
I did not steel thes cove. Tell the
Judge that. And If You get me off
free I am willing to do all I Can for
you. If you do will Give you the
cove. Yours truly, Bill smith,
News Orleans Times-Democrat.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-07-14

you say you think the new boarder is
in love with you? Has he made any adj
vances p
mo; but he saYssh he will as soon as his
father remits- Cleveland Plain Dealer.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-07-14

Physic;an-Id advise you to drink cup
of hot water with every meal
Patient do, but my landIady calls it.
coffee.-ChicaSo News.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-07-14

Miss Richlefgh-I understand that Lord
Kneedeigh has lost considerable money
since he has been in this country
Jack-Then it is true you have broken
the enga gement.-Judge.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-07-14

Bosh-Blanket stammers frightfully,
but there's one time when he never hes
itates.
Josh-When's that?
Bosh-When he comes for the rent. He's
our landlord.-Detroit Free Press.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-07-14

Eff salvation wuzn't free everybody
would be maxim a big rush fer it-so's ter
corner de market.-Atlanta Constitution.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-07-14

Arabella-why do you think Clara SO
clever?
Isabel-Oh, she can comb her hair to
look as if she never rode anything but an
autonobile.-Puck-
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-07-14

Blobbs-Poor Buggings Is growing old.
Slobbs-Ohi I don't know.
Blobbs-Well, he insists upon telling ev-
erybody he feels as young as he ever did
Record
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-07-14

Very well, SIR said Dr. Quick. after
you sorry for this
What are you going to do asked the
underta ker, retire from practice E'-Phil-
adelphia Press.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-07-14

Mrs. Mimbleson has such a fetching
way, don't you think?''
Yes. She was waitress in restaur-
ant before he married her.'-Chicago
Reccrd-Hera1d-
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-07-14

your starring tour was failure was
it?'' said the sympathetic friend
YES" answered the soubrette. ''but I
don't mind that so much. What I'm kick
ing myself for is that had half a dozen
offers of marriage before 1 started out,
and turned down every one OF them
Chicago Tribune.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-07-14

Never judge a mans income by his
Clothes" said the Philosopher of Folly.
1.-THE wise man reserves his opinion on
this point until he has seen his wife's
clothe .''-CIeveland Leader.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-07-14

'fYes," boosted Cherry Tyre, 1T could
self"
yes. but not without getting pinched.' p
replied the man who knew his circum.
stances.-Houston Post.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-07-14

did Brown tell you good-bye?''
Great Scott, no! He hasn't left town.
Yes, he told me he intended to settle in
the west
But look here, mamie went away
without settling in the east.''-C1eveland
Leader.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-07-14

The words where ignorance is bIiss'
Were very likely said
By one who had an aching wis
Dom tooth within his head.
philadelphia Press.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-07-14

Did it ever occur to you that there
are a good many people whose con-
sciences are not in good working
order2
Fergus County argus. [volume] (Lewistown, Mont.) 1886-1946, 1905-11-03
Nathan Very Nervous.

Pittsburg, Nov. morris Nathan
who was arrested at the Hotel Henry
last night on charge of murder in
connection with the Winthrop, Mass,
suit case mystery, spent restless
night in cell at the central police
station. 1t was after o'clock this
morning before Nathan went to sleep
and for several hours he tossed about
the cot, apparently in much distress
He was awakened about s o'clock by
the entrance of Director Moore, of the
public safety department, and sever.
al newspaper men.
How are you. Nathan?" asked Di
rector Moore.
We'll am. perhaps, as well as can
be expected" replied Nathan.
ITS an unfortunate affair."" said d.
rector Moore.
Il am in serious position" an
swered Nathan.
In reply to question from news
paper reporter. Nathan said he was q
years of age. He then refused to talk
and made it plainly apparent that he
did not appreciate the presence of the
visitors.
Fergus County argus. [volume] (Lewistown, Mont.) 1886-1946, 1905-11-03
Former Montana Man Sentenced.

St. Louis, Nov. Frank Willis
Card. former conductor on the Great
Northern at Great Falls. who July 80,
1891, married at Helena Miss Nellie
Ryan, of Butte. pleaded guilty today
to the charge of numbering Mrs. Beu-
lab Craft, for whom he had forsaken
his wife, and was sentenced by Judge
Reynolds to SO years imprisonment
Card was silent in court as he has
been ever since the tragedy. All eff.
forts to get him to talk of the crime
have been fruitless. He has become
known at the Jail as ''the silent man.
When seen in Jail tonight, Card was
smiling. When quered as to the
cause of his merriment, he said he
was pleased at having escaped hang
ing
Fergus County argus. [volume] (Lewistown, Mont.) 1886-1946, 1905-11-03
When You Have Bad Cold

You want remedy that will not on
~ give quick relief but effect perm
anent cure.
You want a remedy that will relieve
the lungs and keep eXpectoration
easy.
You want remedy that will coun-
teract any tendency toward pneumon-
ia.
You want a remedy that is pleasant
and safe to take.
Chamberlain's Cough Remedy meets
all of these requirements and for the
speedy and permanent cure of bad
colds stands without a peer. For sale
by all druggists. Oh.
Fergus County argus. [volume] (Lewistown, Mont.) 1886-1946, 1905-11-03
SOLVE PART
OF MYSTERY
REMAINS FOUND IN SUIT CASE
WERE THOSE OF MISS
GEARY.

Boston, Nov. 1.-The police are now
satisfied that the victim of the suit
case tragedy was Susan Geary. AS the
torso found in the suit case showed
that only a skilled surgeon could have
dissected the body in the manner in
which it had been done, the police are
endeavoring to learn what physician
the young woman may have consulted
at the time she left the shepherd
King theatrical company on Sejt. 10.
Provided with photographs of the
this city in efforts to trace the move
ments of Miss Geary from the time
she was last seen by her mother at
her home in Cambridge, on Sunday af-
ternoon, Sept. 10. At that time she
left. saying she was going to join the
shepherd King" company, with which
she was connected, on it's trip to Low
ell but the management received a
note signed ostensibly by a physician,
saying that Miss Geary was too i'll
to fill her place.
The name signed to the note was
"P. H. Smith, M. d., Boston," One
of the most important features of the
police work today was the effort to
establish the identity of the writer of
the missive. The name was apparent
ly was fictitious, there being no P. II
Smith among the registered physicians
of Boston.
1t was recalled today that a doctor
whose name had been given to the pc
lice in connection with the purchase
of the suit case which held the dis
membered body, had left the city and
| that two weeks ago, in hotel, he pri
| vately met the pawnbroker who sold
one of the suit cases. After the meet
| ing, it was announced that the broker
had failed to identify the doctor as the
purchaser of the articles. Later the
pawnbroker stated that while he hat
not identified the doctor as his custom
er, there were many points of resem
blance.
This afternoon, Inspector Arm
strong, acting under orders from Chic
| Inspector Watts, given after a tele
phone talk with Pittsburg, made T.;
search of the office of a female ply
stefan in fremont street. Later HI
began searching for physician who
it is understood. had been employed
at the fremont street hospital AM
who answers the description of tn
man who purchased the dress suit cas-
from two pawnbrokers.
The places searched on TremOn
street is one widely advertised in Gel
tain papers as an institution devote
especially to the treatment of won
ems diseases. When the police mad
inquiry in Worcester for the Fraction
er alleged to be the head physician a
the fremont institution, they wer
told that he had not been in the cit
since last August. Another physician
who is said to have been connecte
with the institution, for whom they a
SO made an inquiry was said to b
. lin New York
In connection with the search fC
, the second DOCTOR it was learned thu
} a theory had been developed that whe
, an operation upon the woman SCENE
likely to prove unsuccessful, a secOn
doctor. more skilled than the frs
} was called, and that, after death ha
, taken place, he dissected the body
Fergus County argus. [volume] (Lewistown, Mont.) 1886-1946, 1905-11-03
Package of Money is MISSING,

Missoula, Nov. &c. F. Kelley ship
ped to New York brokers an express
package supposed to have contained
$l4.692, but which is said to have con
tanned only worthless paper when the
brokers broke the seals.
Local newspapers some time age
printed story to the effect that Kel
ley mad received $4,000 form the Ne
vada gold fields, sent to him bv a
former friend whom he had grub
staked. Detectives of the railroad
and express companies are endeavor
ing to satisfy themselves that the
money was shipped from Hamilton
and that Kelley had the money on de
post, either here or at Hamilton, pre-
viousiy to the sending of the express
package.
Fergus County argus. [volume] (Lewistown, Mont.) 1886-1946, 1905-11-03

the season closes. The stock will go
in better condition than for years past.
because of the abundance OF grass.
Money seems plentiful in the west and
the implement men rport that last
months collections on machinery notes
were FIVE times larger than the col
lections for the same month last year.
Fergus County argus. [volume] (Lewistown, Mont.) 1886-1946, 1905-11-03
miles across the prairie. and 1t had
to be roped before Johnnie cou'o se'
cattle From Alberta Ranges.

Ottawa, Ont. Nov. 2.-Repor.s 'o ni
Calgary, N. w. T.. state that tne sGi.
ume of livestock moved this seaSU .ao .
in excess of that sent east ias' 49,
Nearly $4,000 head will nave hesore
taken from the Alberta range
Fergus County argus. [volume] (Lewistown, Mont.) 1886-1946, 1905-11-03

For lob work In any line. neatly
executed. call on the Argus Job ottlee
The Hood River glacier. (Hood River, Or.) 1889-1933, 1905-09-14

Patronize home industry by buying
ranch butter at McDonald's.
Mayes Bros. get a fresh supply Of
meat every morning.
For trout flies that catch the fish, go
to McDonald's.
Fish, salmon and halibut, at Mcclure
Bros market.
Blue Vitrol at Clarke's-7c pound
Phone Tompkin Bros. for ice.
Two-quart combination hot water
bottle and fountain syringe-guaranteed
for one year. Only $l.h0 at Clarke's.
Mayes Bros meat market has been
supplied with cooling fountain for
keeping vegetables fresh and clean. Buy
your vegetables where they come fresh
as from the garden.
Cold boiled ham at Mcclure Bros.
Fancy creamery butter at Mcclure
Bros. - Hazelwoud and Washouga
brands.
Groceries, flour and feed at Lamar 4
Dunn's
Those contemplating putting in whea
this fall should see the Hood Rive
Milling Co. first.
In order that their patrons may tak'
advantage Of the di,count allowed ol
bills paid before the tenth Of the month
the Water and Light Co. has arranged
to keep their Office in the Davidson
building open till $50 p IN. the first
ninth, tenth and every Saturday even
| ing of each month.
The Hood River glacier. (Hood River, Or.) 1889-1933, 1905-09-14
= ~ a. PP'S

T Mr.. and Mrs. Tom Bryce we're in
Portland last week where they attend
ed the Baird Cleland wedding.
Harold Hershner returned from
Portland on Tuesday evening, where
he spent week visiting friends and
attending the fair.
The W. @. I. U. will meet at the
U. b. church next Tuesday afternoon
at 3 o'clock. 1t being the time for
the election of the new officers, full
attendance of members is urged.
Frank Mersch Of Harper, Iowa, IL
looking the valley over. lie registered
Monday as a member of the Hood
River Iowa society, at the store of
DIR. Laraway.
George s. Conklin of Red Oak,
Iowa, Peter L. Greiner and John
Hauperl of Harper, Iowa, are in Hood
River, the guests of Peter Mohr Of
the East Side.
Mrs. sFrank Chandler and Mrs. h.
N. Blythe will entertain the members
of the Woman's Alliance of the Uni
tartan church, Friday afternoon in
the William G. Eliot, jr. hall. The
hostesses extend cordial invitation
to all to be present.
DIR. Mary johnson returned Monday
from her homestead in the wheat belt
north of Pasco. DIR. johnson reports
crops good in the Palouse country,
especially wheat, which on new land
has averaged % to 30 bushels to the
acre.
Mr.. and Mrs. Runcorn, Mrs. Matil
da Wood, Clinton Wood and Roswell
Shelley, all of Odell left on yester
days noon train for The Dalles, as
witnesses In the will contest of the
late j. w. Black. A. A. Jayne, one Of
their attorneys, accompanied them.
A watch was lost in The Dalles llst
} week. Laraway, the jeweler, of this
city had repaired the watch but a
short time ago, so the owner tele-
phones here for the number, and with
. In six hours, the lost article had been
3 found and returned.
/ An entertainment will be given at
. the Congregational church by tie
2 Womans' Relief corps and tie ladies'
! of the congregation Tuesday evening,
September 26. Miss Trivette will as
! sist with some very choice recitals.
Full program will appear in next
issue of the paper.
! w. f. Laraway receives pleasing re-
= ports from his Glenwood orchard in
y Iowa, that his introduction of Hood
4 River methods in apple culture is
y bringing wonderful results in the
q Hawkeye state. Horticulturists there
. willingly admit that DR.. Laraway s
"a apples are the finest in Southwest
q Iowa. His crop is bringing the top
n prices in the state.
% At the sale last Tuesday of V. V.
A. Willis of Mount Hood there was some
Is thing doing. The crowd was small,
at but the heavy downpour of rain failed
as to dampen the ardor of the crowd.
O. Things brought good price, showing
Or that it is little trouble to sell goods
le in Hood River valley. This Is an.
a other evidence of prosperity here
III Roswell Shelley cried the sale. The
ty Little White store man says he cal
re sell any old thing in Hood River val
O. lev. The only thing that hung FIR,
H. was hay, but the creamery route VII
soon open a market for that.
The Hood River glacier. (Hood River, Or.) 1889-1933, 1905-09-14
At the Churches.

Riverside CongrcRati ntl-WC Gil
more, pastor. Sabbath school at 10 a.
m. Worship and pres ching II sharp.
Evening ser, ices at 1870. Subject:
"Why | am Christian. A kindly
welcome is extended to all.
Unitarian-RCgular services next
Sunday. Sunday school at 10 o'clock ;
preaching bv tie pastor at II. Sub
iect of DISCOURSE II he Elder Brother
who would not Come in. o. j. Mel
son, minister.
Valley Chi isti,n-There will be Sun
day school and reaching service at
the Valley Christian church next Sun
day morning. No services in the ev-
ening. Elder Elkins will preach at
Odell Sunday evening and will begin
a series of meetings at Crapper Mon
day evening.
The Hood River glacier. (Hood River, Or.) 1889-1933, 1905-09-14

natural resources. Miss Newcomer,
is the secretary of the Christian Won.
ems Board of Missions for the state
of Iowa and AYERS that she will never
forget Hood River. She is doing a
great work in her field, as the phe-
nominal success Of the mission board
attests, and her pleasant visit here
has secured for us another enthusias-
tic advertiser of Hood River.
P. II. Martin left Tuesday for Port
land, where he will visit the expOsi-
tiOn.
Miss Prudence Patterson of The
Dalles is the guest of Miss Lota Kel-
say of this city.
The Ladies' Aid society of the M.
Il. church will meet Friday afternoon
at 2 o'clock at the home of Mrs. f.
E. Jackson.
Mrs Carlyon of Moscow, Idaho, ar
rived Thursday on visit to her
brother, v V. Willis, In the Mount
Hood settlement.
Mrs. M. p. Nielson, jr., of Poca-
teIlo, Idaho, left for her home We'd
nesday evening of last week after q
two weeks visit with her sister, Mrs.
Ezra Monson.
B. +. Gerking left last week for
Portland, where he placed his son
in sanitarium. Mr.. and Mrs. Ger
king have been i'll afflicted with mis-
fortune. Hardly month ago, their
son Walter committed suicide be-
cause of insanity, and the incident
seems to have 80 depressed younger
son that grave fears are entertained
of his ever regaining his right mind.
L. Silliman OF the East Side lost O
horse and made a narrow escape with
his life in coming down the East Side
grade on horseback Saturday morn
ing. In coming round sharp turn
in the road he met Charles Wells with
team, and as he turned his horse tC
get into the foot path next the rivel
side his horse lost his footing anc
went 100 feet down the cliff. Mr.. Sill
liman, who is an old veteran OF the
civil war and not so active nowadayi
as when he used to run from thu
Johnny rebs, got very busy abou
that time and his agility in alightini
from his horse before it went over tn,
grade saved his life Mr.. Sillimal
, will sue the county for damages
I claiming that the road at that poin
should be protected by a railing.
! George M. Sealy of Gardiner, Or.
Sundayed in Hood River and state
: to representative of the Glacier tht
he has been resident Of Oregon TO
J great many years, that he has live
! in many counties in Oregon and 10
the past decade or two has been livin
on the coast, but that in all his tra'
s els he has not en- so desirable HON
!, locality as Hood River valley. Ii
o says there is no place that he has see
@ which presents so many possibiiltl'
= for the laboring man, so many deslrt
d bic attractions for the man OF meal
: to acquire a dwelling place, so gret
= advantages for all classes, in fact,
@ we have here in Hood River. He n
|. gretted that he could not stay long
d this time, but AYERS that he will con
d back again in the future and secure
o home here for himself. So say q
d who visit Hood River, and the beau'
o is that the longer they stay the mo
,e enthusiastic they become over our r
J. sources, possibilities and enviro
d ments.
The Hood River glacier. (Hood River, Or.) 1889-1933, 1905-09-14
BRIEF LOCAL MATTERS.
Rubber heels at Donovan's.


Shingles. See us for best prices.
Oregon Lumber Co.
Mantle, wall and cookoo clocks on
easy terms at Clark's.
Use Williams anti-septic hair tonic
and keep off gray hairs.
Sidewalk lumber. Delivery same
day order is received. Oregon Lumber
Co.
guarantee fit in glasses. Clarke,
the optician and ieweler.
The Troy laundry does good work
you know tnat.
To make room for new stock all cut
glass will be closed ont at cost. Clarke
the jeweler.
Do you use Lath? Get our price and
compare it with that of competitors.
You will make money this way. Ore
gon Lumber Co.
Well, don't you see that il you wish
to see we'll, you should see Clarke the
optican. Guaranteed work in glass
fitting.
Closing out all but millinery, KNAPP.
DR.. f. r. earns has returned to Hood
River and resumed his practice at the
same place, over Bartness store, where
h. is prepared to attend those wishing
his services.
Now that all important question il
settled the next thing is the rlng-a tint
new line of engagement and wedding
rings. Prices right. Clarke the ieweler
Mcclure Bros. offer boiling meats a.
your own price, Sc, &c and &c per pound
For surveying, see John Leland Hen
derson d Son.
All watch, Clock and jewelry repai
work guaranteed by Clarke, the ieweler
Every man owes it to himself anC
his family to master trade or profession
Read the display advertisement of TN
six Morse Schools of Telegraphy, in thl
issue and learn how easily young mar
or lady may learn telegraphy and b.
assured a position.
Be sure to go camping, but first get
supply of ammunition and fishing TAXI
from Mcdonald. He has the right kind
Hard wood baskets for picking apples
only SOC at McDonald's.
TO TO Mr. OnIllank loI dpoViaCto a'''
notarial work, renting and collecting
Legal papers carefully drawn.
DO you use Naptha soap? DC per ba
at McDonald's.
Mems hats and shirts at wholesa!
price at Knapp's.
,-hoes at manufacturer cost, KNAPP
Mr.. Bartmess is on cash basis.
Watermelons and muskmelOns on ic
at Mcclure Bros.
RE. Witherow, agent Troy laundr.
For work where satisfaction is guaraI
teed, patronize the Troy laundry. Agei
cv at o. X barber shop.
Ladios' hand turned and sewed she
work specially at 7. II. Donovan,
across from Williams Pharmacy. A
work strickly frst-class.