davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Omaha daily bee., 1905-08-27
special Trains for Drunkards.

Railway companies in Liverpool have
found certain cure for insobriety. They
had arranged to run outward trains for
drunkards on the night OF Bank holiday,
but to their great surprise there were no
drunkards, and consequently no special
trains were required.
The premature publication Of our in
tentions." explained the railway Official
ruined our plans. Regular topers who
before could be relied upon to travel home
drunk have been shamed into sobriety.
The idea OF being placed in q compart-
ment with other drunkards disguised them
and consequently they resolved 10 keep
sober. consider we have done more for
the cause OF temperance than any amount
OF legislation could possibly do"
BY a strange oversight, nevertheless. the
companies failed TO provide special drunk
ard trains inward and the consequence
was that many men OF Liverpool returned
home after the days holiday In a more or
less helpless condition.
Omaha daily bee., 1905-08-27
TerseIy Told Tales Both Grim and Cav

me wah' dat lante'n lit. I swung It like
l wah' mad, but It walnut burnin'. case 1
fo'got to hab any lie in it"-Detroit Free
Press.
Omaha daily bee., 1905-08-27

OATS as line goose as I ever saw,
Brudder Williams" he said to his host
Where did you get such a fine one?"
We'll, now, Mistah Rawley." said the
carver Of the goose, with a sudden access
Of dignity, when you preach a special
good sermon I neber axes you where you
got it. Seems to me OATS trivial matter
any way."-Youth's Companion.
Omaha daily bee., 1905-08-27

Dodo or a yankee Consul"
CominE Events.
at Cripple Creek" a melodrama by Hal
Reid, will be the attraction az the Krug
theater for four nights and two matineees,
starting with a matinee today. Many
novel effects are carried out and sensa ton
follows sensation with rapldity. Comedy
abounds and so cunningly is the plot un-
folded and motive blended that laughter
comes In the wake OF every tear
Confessions Of a Wife" will be the at
traction at the Krug theater for three
nights and one matinee, starting Thursday
night, August 81. There are many guesses
as to why the author has named this play
as he has, but as it is thoroughly apropos
and in accordance with the text Of the
piece, there is no denying that he hit an
excellent name for It. The Confessions of
a Wife" does not reveal any objectionable
sin.
Omaha daily bee., 1905-08-27
An Empty Romauce.

There was an elopement in Atchison the
other night which ended in an original
way, reports the Atchison Globe. A girl of
10 and her lover decided that they would
marry and run off. To add to the romance
she climbed out of the bedroom window
ana made her way to the gate, where she
Wasmet by the young man. 1t was their
hntention to fly to Missouri. It was a
bright clear moonlight night. and they
could see several miles as plainly as day.
Ihey crossed the bridge, and though the
girl kept turning back anxiously there was
no one in pursuit 1T is strange" she
said; Il made a lot of noise on purpose to
waken papa" She was so disappointed at
this first break in her romance that she
compelled the young man to turn back.
Having the father in hot pursuit is half
the JOY and she felt cheated. When they
returned she found a bundle on the front
gate with this note attached: You forgot
your kitchen dresses and here they are.
The girl climbed in the window again and
her romance was ended
Omaha daily bee., 1905-08-27
Al UnEenerona QnestIon.

1HE first slice Of goose had been cut
and the minister Of the Zion
! church looked at 1t with as keen
anticipation as was displayed in
. the faces around him.
Omaha daily bee., 1905-08-27
Distinguished by Admiral schIey.

Admiral schley was visiting in Maine not
long ago, and while driving with his host
suddenly leaned far out of the carriage.
What is it. admiral, some friend? Shall
we stop?' his host asked.
oh no. general; but If we see that boy
over there on the fence post again on the
way back I'd like to speak to him"
somewhat curious as to what could inter.
est his friend in so unprepossessing a youth
the general, on the drive home. caref,,IIv
looked over the sea of faces full of curiosity
and admiration at the sight of the naval
hero.
see him." suddenly exclaimed the ad
miraL Here boy" And when the how
stood beside the carriage the naval hero
said Shake hands, sir! l think you're
the reddest headed youngster' ever met
and was the only one OF a family Of eight
who didn't have red hair"-Boston HERALD
Omaha daily bee., 1905-08-27
CominE Events.

Of the fire department than he did King
Dodo or a Yankee Consul"
Omaha daily bee., 1905-08-27

Robert Bonner, one day, was criticisinR
human nature cynically A clergyman
TOOK up the eudgel in human natures de-
tense.
There is good in all OF us" he said.
more good than bad. I believe 50 per
cent Of us have never done ANYTHING for
which there is real cause 10 be ashamed E"
Nonsense" said Mr. Bonner. Every
man has skeleton in his closet. You
could shoot a gun anywhere and bring
down a bad man.
Why" he continued, warmly. ct once
knew bishop who was considered the no.
Hest man In America. A friend Of mine.
by way of joke. telegraphed one nisht
TO this bishop:
All is discovered. Fly at once"
Mr. Bonner paused and chuckIed.
Weir said the clergyman impatiently.
We'll, what happened?"
by morning said Mr.. Bonner, 1.-THE
bishop had disappeared. and he has never
been heard of since independent.
Omaha daily bee., 1905-08-27
Close CeII.

This story may be adapted. but it was re-
Gently told as among the earlier expert
ences OF Ashley Pond as a railroad at
tOrney.
Al one OF the crossings there was an
old colored man stationed to swing a Ian
tern on the approach OF train, so that
people walking OF riding on the dirt road
might be warned
one night farmers team was struck,
there was quite a wreck, and the farmer
brought suit for damages Among other
things asked the colored Waterman by
the attorney for plaintiff was whether he
swung the lantern as the train approached.
Deed did sab"
The company won its suit. and Mr.. Pond
congratulated the old negro upon having
made such a good witness.
"Lordy, Mistsh Pond" came the answer.
Il was sho' skeered when dat lawyah man
AK me bout de lante'n. I Gone tell de
truf, but ives 'fraid he was goin' TO ak
Omaha daily bee., 1905-08-27

Mr.. Klaw says the public will never I'M
derstAnd the syndicate. He need scarcely
haVS sid this. nor Is Il at al likely that
Long Valley advocate. (Lardo, Idaho) 1904-1907, 1905-01-12
The Fire1ands Of Ohio

ed before that outrage upon his native
state.
This and other cruel and senseless
attacks upon Connecticut's towns left
so strong a feeling OF sympathy and
injustice behind that in disposing OF
Connecticut's rights in lands now
forming part Of Ohio 781 square miles
In the extreme western edge of the
Western Reserve were set apart to be
donated to sufferers by the British
raids. Five ranges Of townships rum
ming north and South were included
In this tract.
Sandusky bay and Lake Erie extend
so far southwark at this point that the
Ave ranges OF townships contained
only about 100000 acres Of land. The
tract measured some twenty-seven
miles by thirty. The Connecticut suf-
ferers from the torch of the enemy
lived chiefly in New London. Norwalk
and Fairfield, and 1t was from those
towns that many Of the settlers OF tho
"Firelands" came to build In the Ohio
wilderness settlements bearing the
same names and having like civic
ideals and character.
Long Valley advocate. (Lardo, Idaho) 1904-1907, 1905-01-12

Unnumbered native Ohioans. not to
speak OF hundreds OF thousands of
residents of the state from foreign
lands and other states of the union,
must have wondered why fertile
and productive tract in northern Ohio.
district which in no way hints OF the
ravages OF fire should be called the
''Firelands." Among all the vicissitudes
OF Ohio's early history great conflagra-
tons we're notable for their absence
No such terrible forest fires swept
this state as ravaged large areas In
Michigan and Wisconsin seventy or
eighty years later.
The fires to which tho name refers
ragged In Connecticut, not Ohio, and
they were the work Of British or Tory
soldiers instead of the result of acct
dents OF natural causes. In 1871.
when the long struggle for independ-
ence was nearly ended. Benedict Ar
mold commanded an expedition which
ravaged the Connecticut coast OF Long
Island sound. He burned New Lon
don and other towns and left behind
misery and restitution as well as
more bitter hatred than he had earn
Long Valley advocate. (Lardo, Idaho) 1904-1907, 1905-01-12
u ses Sta mp as Seal

junction of the flap and the back OF
the envelope.
Being coated with government
gum-arabic, the stamp holds the envel-
ope securely sealed. Moreover, al
there is sort Of superstition against
tampering with government insignia,
no prying lady's maid, messenger boy
or footman is likely to try to remove
the stamps for the sake of opening the
letter.
There Is, of course. another two
cent stamp In the regulation place. If
the letter is to go by mail instead of
by private hand. So each letter costs
her four cents, thus going Mrs Mac
kay one cent better.
still, there is not much chance that
her fad Of utilizing two-cent stamps
as waters will become popular. For
even in the smart set people usually
prefer to throw their money away on
something more snowy than two
cent steel engraving of Washington or
Jefferson. York World.
Long Valley advocate. (Lardo, Idaho) 1904-1907, 1905-01-12

"You remember Mrs. Mackay's
much-exploited feat In using three-cent
stamps on all her letters because the
red two cent stamps didn't harmonic
with her stationery" asked the Man
Who Goes Everywhere.
well. know very charming wo-
man uptown who goes Mrs. Mackay
one better, and with no desire for
publicity or to be eccentric.
This woman uses the fashionable
square-fiapped envelope that combines
minimum of gum-arabic to a maxi
mum OF paper, with the result that not
one envelope In three remains sealed
after 1t has been shaken up for five
minutes in the mail bag.
$50 she has hit on the following
plan: Instead OF putting mucilage be-
tween the flap and the envelope, and
thus causing a warp or q smudge, or
using sealing wax that is far more apt
to break than not, she simply pastes
an uncanceled two-cent stamp at the
Long Valley advocate. (Lardo, Idaho) 1904-1907, 1905-01-12

Hensley, Ark. Dec. 26th.-(Speciac
That sure cure for BackAche would
be pricelesa boon to the people. and
especially the women OF America. H.
admitted by all Interested in medical
matters, and Mrs. Sue Williams Of.
this place Is certain she has found In
DOdd's Kidney Pills the long -looked
for cure.
II am SO years DID," Mrs. Williams
says, "and have suffered with the
Backache very much for three
or four years. I have been treated
by good physicians and got no relief
but thanks to God, have found cure
It last and 1t is -Dodd's Kidney Pills.
| have taken only one box and it has
done me more good than all the doc
tors In three or four years. / want
all sufferers from Backache to know
that they can get Dodd's Kidney Pills
and get WE'LL
Backache Is one Of the FIRST symp
toms OF Kidney Disease. Guard against
Bright's Disease or Rheumatism by
curing 1t with Dodd's Kidney Pills.
Long Valley advocate. (Lardo, Idaho) 1904-1907, 1905-01-12
PLAYING THE BASS DRUM
Takes Musician to Handle tl,s ,,..
ment Properly.

1.-THE bass drummer ia ona :. :.
most important members OF q ha~ av
said David L. Clark, OF Chicago - =.
,Plankington. Il am selling nrs,1
instruments. and tell you that 40
music furnished by band denends NV
much upon the quality and plavins -.
the big bass drum as upon the nps,,t"
and playing OF any one instrrmsn.
The best bass drummer In the wo.,s
to-day is a Philadelphia mani caS
not think OF his name Just now =,
though know 1t as well as I know 49,.
own-and he gets as high a salary ..
any musician In the world who &c NJ.
a soloist- The beat Of the bass drrrn
is the very backbone of music. r. -
Is in the least uncertain or waverin.
the rest OF the band will be uncert,,s
and wavering and the result would ~,
discord. There is q great difference.
In drums, too. 1t depends upon tia
material and the workmanship n
manufacture. A poor drum may have
will soon become dead and fat Will.
the right tone for = short time. hut Il
good instrument will, like a violin
Improve with -Milwaukee Wis
consin.
Long Valley advocate. (Lardo, Idaho) 1904-1907, 1905-01-12
Few Snaps" in Life

II wish / could sell my farm" said he.
AS he stretched himself meath an elm
tree
To let the horses painting from heat
Breathe for while in this cool retreat:
Its toe. hard work. and there's too much
TO do
And I work. work. work. yet never am
through.
There's Merchant Brown-what snap
These long hot days; from care he is
free.
He rises at six and goes to the store.
And there reads the morning papers DER:
NO tiresome chores when the day is
A merchants life Is but sweet content"
And Merchant Brown as he went TO the
store
Took down his big ledger and looked 1t
And turning to Billy Slowpay's amount
he carefully added to the whole account:
An even fifty" he grimly said.
And marked 1t Paid for Billy was
And Jim Softsoap and Promisin' Toe.
AND dozen others he put in q row,
Long Valley advocate. (Lardo, Idaho) 1904-1907, 1905-01-12
Effect Of Grating on Wine.

Before the Academy of Sciences.
Paris M. Boudouin gave clear evil
dence OF differences in physical and
chemical composition between graft
ed ard nongrafted grapes which he had
obtained. and the facts observed ex-
plain the more rapid aging of wines
from grated vines, and also their
greater sensitiveness to pathogenic
ferments.
Long Valley advocate. (Lardo, Idaho) 1904-1907, 1905-01-12
Sad Gaze.

Hostess-My dear count, you must
pardon me. but have such q very
poor memory OF names. It's q real
amiction. have forgotten yours.
The count-You should gonzult
specialist on mendal diseases, my tear
madam. you really shout My name
10 Kaskawowskischnifiingioski.--New
York Weekly.
Long Valley advocate. (Lardo, Idaho) 1904-1907, 1905-01-12
Strictly Business.

They had accidentally met In 4 city
fAr from home.
Are you here on pleasure trip?"
asked the scanty-haired man.
~No." replied the man with the
Willie-goat whiskers. my wife il with
me-"
Long Valley advocate. (Lardo, Idaho) 1904-1907, 1905-01-12
Whistllno with tho Feet.

The following notice has just been
placed In = prominent position on the
walls of . music hall In Glasgow:
ssWhistling or cheering with the feet II
strictly prohibited"
Long Valley advocate. (Lardo, Idaho) 1904-1907, 1905-01-12

said, ARE able to put upon the market
profitable and popular volumes OF SER
MONS"
Then DR.. Mains smiled.
/ am reminded" he said. "of an
elderly Scottish minister. At an
evening gathering certain volume OF
sermons came up for discussion. and
IT was stated that the author of the
volume had cleared something like
$500.
AT thin the old minister's wife
leaned over and whispered to him:
My dear. see nothing to hinder
you from printing few of your SER
mons, too
they were all printed lang syne.'
the old minister whispered back"
Long Valley advocate. (Lardo, Idaho) 1904-1907, 1905-01-12

Sa1ety.
1T will soon be possible" said the
chief OF police. FOR people to 70 any.
where In the city without fear OF
crimes or violence"
DO you speak with knowledge?"
asked the fresh reporter.
Sure do" replied the chief. 1.-THE
people are storing their automobiles
Tor the winter."-Cleveland Leader.
Long Valley advocate. (Lardo, Idaho) 1904-1907, 1905-01-12
A Frank Admission.

Or. 9. P. Mains. the treasurer of the
methodist Tract society. was talking
ABOUT volumes Of sermnos that had
been profitable and popular.
Mt many ministers, though" he
Long Valley advocate. (Lardo, Idaho) 1904-1907, 1905-01-12
Professional Cruelty.

aThe trouble" said the dentist, az
he probed away at the aching molar
with long. slender instrument, "is
evidently due to dying nerve"
SWELL" groaned the victim, 'it's up
70 you to treat the dying with little
more respect"
Long Valley advocate. (Lardo, Idaho) 1904-1907, 1905-01-12

Thick Walls of Mexican Houses
The outside walls of many of the
houses in Mexico are from three feet
to six feet thick. to withstand earth
quake shocks.
Long Valley advocate. (Lardo, Idaho) 1904-1907, 1905-01-12

And said to himself. What chump.
I've been
To let these fellows ever get In!
AND what would / give to leave to-day
And HE to. the farm for a permanent
stay!"
Then he thought of the fruit on the apple
tree,
The peaches and plums that used to be.
Ihe melons fine and the garden green :
Inc wild grapes down in the old rayine
And the thick sweet cream that he used
To eat with the berries they saved for
And his head bent low on his weary arm
old farm;
Yes. wished he was there. for the
thoughts that stirred
brought forth only flowers and songs of
And sunshiny days-one long sweet rest.
FOR the farmers life of all was blest
how strange 1t all is. and vet can IT be
our road IS all rock and the others free.
~ NE TO the cheerful just what it may
Or Is the big snap that we see but
Ed; Bl.ir In the Implement Dealers.
Bulletin.
Long Valley advocate. (Lardo, Idaho) 1904-1907, 1905-01-12
Evidence.

But questioned the conductor.
ARE you sure It Is under 81"
Certainly" said the irate mother
ut has just written volume OF poe
try"
Convinced by this proof, the con
ductor passed on down the aisle
New York Sun.
Long Valley advocate. (Lardo, Idaho) 1904-1907, 1905-01-12

Wife-"My dressmaker Is getting
altogether too oldfashioned to suit
me"
Husband-"Why, my dear, your new
gown Is strictly up-to-date."
Wife-"Yes, know; but she actual
ay sent 1t home the day she promised
4"
Long Valley advocate. (Lardo, Idaho) 1904-1907, 1905-01-12

Cholly-"Percy t...A is getting more
and more eflem.nate every day."
Hal--"Can 1t be possible? Does he
still slap you on the wrist?"
Cholly-"No. he tries to stick you
with hat-pin."
Long Valley advocate. (Lardo, Idaho) 1904-1907, 1905-01-12
500 Reward. 500.

Tho readers Of this paper will be pleased 90 lean
that there Is at least dreaded disease that sciences
mas been able to cure Ia all its stages, and that 10
Catarrn Halls Catarrh Cure is the only positive
cure now known to the medical fraternity. Catarre
Dclng constitutional disease requires consIitE
tional treatment Halls Catarrh Cure IS taken In
ternaly acting directly upon the blood and mucous
surfaces OF the system, thereby destroying ting
foundation CT the disease, and giving the pstens
siren tn by building up the constitution and assist
Ing nature In doing its work. The proprietors have
20 much faith In Its curative powers that they one
one Hundred Dollars for any case that It falls
cure Send for list of testimonials
Address F. J CHENEY & CO., Toledo, O.
Sold by all Druggists, 75c.
Take Hairs Family Pills for constipstfon.
Difference In the Sexes.
Men always like to make out THAI
they're little worse than they are
and women that they are little bet
ter.
Long Valley advocate. (Lardo, Idaho) 1904-1907, 1905-01-12
An easy Che Also.

~He is simply rolling in wealth."
He finds it rather pleasant role.
presume"
Long Valley advocate. (Lardo, Idaho) 1904-1907, 1905-01-12
Difference In the sexe.
TEA

is deeper than coffee; takes
time to get at the full mean
: ing of tea.
Write for our knowledge Book, A. sshillins&
Company, San Francisco
Corenhagen's Large Deer Park.
Copenhagen has the largest enclos-
ed deer park OF any city in the world
Its area is about 1900 acres.
TEA
Which is the better, and
which is the worse, at your
house, tea or coffee?
rssr srossr rsses.. yosr ....y n -. dssS
- osANiings DssA
Long Valley advocate. (Lardo, Idaho) 1904-1907, 1905-01-12

Write for our knowledge Book, A. sehiliins .
Company, San Francisco.
St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1905-11-29
MrS. Anna Potts

Frequent backache and distressing
pains, accompanied by offensive dis
charges and generally by irregular
and scanty menstruation indicate dis.
placement or nerve degeneration OF
the womb and surrounding organs.
The question that troubles women
Is how can a woman who has some fe-
male trouble bear healthy childrenP
Mrs Anna Potts, of $40 Park Avenue,
Hot Springs, Ark, writes:
NV Dear Mrs. Pinkham:-
Touring the early part of my married lifel
was delicate in health both my husband and
were very anxious for a child to bless our
home, but had two miscarriages, and could
not carry child to maturity A neighbor
who had been cured by Lydia E. Pinkham's
Vegetable Compound advised me to try 1t. l
did so and soon felt that I was growing
stronger, my headaches and backaches left
me, had no more bearing-down pains, and
felt like q new woman. Within year
became the mother Of a strong, healthy
child, the joy of our home Lydia E. Pink
hams Vegetable Compound is certainly
splendid remedy, and I wish every woman
who wants to become mother would try it. !"
Actual sterility in woman is very
rare. If any woman thinks she is ster-
lie, let her try Lydia E. Pinkham's
Vegetable Compound and write to Mrs.
Pinkham, Lynn, Mass. Her advice is
free to expectant or would-be mothers.
St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1905-11-29
Col. George Harvey.
The J ournaIists Tribute to a vermonte

Some time ago Harper's Weekly print
ed a series OF portraits OF young Ameri-
cans who had achieved distinguished
success before reaching the age OF forty.
Had not Colonel Harvey been the editor
of Harper's, he would have been, un
doubtedly, included in the series; to be
the editor OF Harper's Weekly, the North
American Review and head OF one Of the
oldest and most famous publishing
houses in the world at thirty.six is a
record phenomenal even in this country
OF young men. And it is not inherited
success either, it is the legitimate reward
OF brains and hard work. When he was
only twenty one years of age, Joseph
Pulitzer, with that marvellous faculty tor
recognizing ability on sight, placed him
in charge OF the New Jersey edition OF the
World, in which position he did more to
purge New Jersey politics of corruption
than any reforming force which the trust
incubating State has ever known. Even
before he had attained his majority he
had held editorial positions on the
Chicago Daily News, the Springfield Re-
publican and other Grst.class papers
After about three active years in New
Jersey Mr.. Pulitzer called him back to
New York and made him managing edi
tor OF the World, a position which he held
until in connection with the late William
c. Whitney, he plunged into finance and
became identified with various suburban
trolley interests with so much success
that newspaper men began to fear that
one of the brightest ornaments OF the
profession was lost to it forever.
But even the gold cure of Wall street
could not eradicate the virus o
journalism, and he presently purchased
the North American Review and assume
it's direction. The North American haC
been the plaything of two rich men
When Allen Thorndyke Rice died it haC
passed into the possession of Gen. LloyC
Bryce. 1t had been conducted on a very
high plane OF literature and ethics, but /
is not recorded that either Mr.. Rice o.
General Bryce made any money out O
it. 1t had, however, a reputation TO
being profound, "high class" and intense
ly respectable. 1t made speciality O
discussing subjects which nobody careC
any hing about after they had been Tor
gotten and have always believed tina
its principal circulation was among tia
set of bores who aimed to be considered
deep thinkers, and who felt that an uncu
copy of the North American Review OF
their library tables entities them to ran
among the cognoscenti. Colonel Harve,
changed all this, he had learned hi
journallsmin the school ofJoseph Pulitzer
Mr.. Pulitzer once said to me: ITO tall
about what the people were talking
about yesterday is history, to talk abou
what they are talking about tc
day is newspaper work, but to tai