The Topeka state journal., 1905-10-03
HUMOR or THE Day

+ HUMOR or THE Day
SAY" queried the butchers assistant.
can / get quarter from you this morn
wen. you've struck me pretty carly
replied the Texas steer, but I'll let you
have one as soon as I'm dressed"
immigration is vexation,
Taxation is as bad.
The rule of the Free doth puzzle me-
And the Trusts all drive me mad.
rs your son going back to col1ege?'
Yes" answered Farmer Corntossel. .IiTn
going to give him another term. He amt
athletic enough yet to do a fun days work
in harvest time.-Washington Star.
Rose a clamor from the woodshed,
Rushed a frantic mother there;
Came father forth explaining:
4 have merely famed the heir"
Cleveland Plain Dealer.
Dresser. Well, the seasons over and I
suppose Wen have to discard our Pana-
mas now. don't care much, for I'm
rather sorry 1 bought rnine
Dumley-I never would wear EN-. The
nightshirt's good enough for
me.-Philadelphia Press.
The belligerent Frenehman had called
sir he said. you must either. fight
me, or else print my denunciation of your
dastardly conduct"
The editor nodded.
I'm printer, not a fighter he said.
And the next day the denunciatory arti-
Gle appeared under the head of Modern
French Humor. Cleveland Plain Dealer.
Ethel-"Mamma, don't you think
women should know how to cook so
that they may be able to look after
their husbands digestion when they
marry % Certainly, dear"
Ethel Mayn't I go to the kitchen,
then, and practice making butter
scotch ?'-Town and Country
''She's very masculine, isn't she2''
"Oi she is and she isn't"
why, you used to consider her ex-
''Truse; but one day I asked her why she
was so, and she simply answered: Be
cause kansas City Independent.
believe me, dearest. I love you better
%oh, Jack! Why aren't there more
The head of the household was going
through her husbands pockets the next
'sWhat kept you out so late last night?''
she suddenly demanded.
my dear the lesser half replied.
''Well, it didn't take three corkserews
And she drew the offending articles
from his side pocket and waved them
before him.-Cleveland Plain Dealer.
The peoples eyes are turned away
From Kaiser Bill to oyster Bay
And Kaiser Bills as mad as flts-
Ach! Himmeli Donnerwetter! Blitz.
Chicago Chronicle.
rkIey-Bragley tells me he's in bust
ness sfor himself now. manufacturing all-
tomobiles and he says not one OF his
machines has ever been known to break
WisemanEThat's M right; he hasn't sold
any yet.-Philadelphia Press.
want t put adv-tizhment in your pa
per- said the bibulous man. ''Musht
have shomebOdy take care Ene.
yes replied the clerk you want TO
advertise for a valet
mo. Better shay: 'Wanted-Shnake
charmer.' ''-Philadelphia Press.
''I looked everywhere for you at the
church fair last evenings" said her ar
dent devotee but didn't see you.
you forget she answered sweetly,
that am charity. Judge.
= want dozen eggs said the i.,s,4s sgRg
@oh. positive, ma'am. replied the deal
er; I'VE haven't any other kind today.
You see there was an Uncle Toms Cabin
show in the. opera house, next door, last
night. '-Pbiladelphia Press.
YES" said the first shade in the Elysian
Fields. 'I am Sir Walter Raleigh
Really" exclaimed the new arrival.
Say, tell me, nhat was the real cause or
We'll III tell you" said Raleigh: She
wanted me to call her Liz ana smoke Gig
arettes with her, and I wouldn't do Il, be
cause. you know, cigarettes weren't IN
vented then" - Catholic Standard ana
Times.
..I wish was back on earth again.
sighed Methuselah, Just starting in to live
pooh. what could you do2' snesred
Baron Munchausen. Among the nus
Ting moderns you'd be clean out of the
''I1To mo. wouldn't" retorted Methuselah,
confidently. LAS soon as they found out
who ] was they'd want me to boss that
Panama canal. The Houston Chronicle
Suddenly, while peering through his
glasses, Columbus caught sight or iand-
That said he, turning to the man at
the wheel "s America.
(which is it-North, Central or South
American asked the boat chauffeur.
Hanged il I know replied Chris; II i
get my geography and look it up. Chi
cago Daily News.
mo man can do anything against his
Cant he. though!'' exclaimed Banks
Don't get up at o'clock six mornings
every week against my w1ii.s-stray
Stories.
Mrs. Parvenue-That picture in the cor
ner is by an old master. ~
Mrs. SwartIeigh-Indeedt would never
{ Mrs. Parvenue-Yes. the man I bought
it from gave me a written guarantee that
the painter was past Is before he did
stroke on it-Stray Stories
Docs he pay his alimony promptly
No He has to be urCesd and threat
ened every. payday. But then. OF course
7 cot 1lsed to that when we were living to-
eether. .''-Cleveland Plain Dealer.
Toni told Miss Gotrox last night that
she was the light OF my Ire.
Jack-WeIl, what thenH
Tom-Then the light went out.
Poet-This. sir, is the only poem have
ever written.
r5ditor-yVel, cheer up. NObodys go
ing to take it away from you--Cleveland
Leader.
REFLECTIONS OF 4 BACHELoR