davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-05-09


Mark Twain, IN commenting on a GER
tain will case. said:
4 suppose the two opposing parties
got justice. but it strikes me that the
justice that they got is a good deal like
the kind they mete out in Constantine
Die.
Here is a specimen Of Constantine
pie justice.
bacco box, and an Arminean claimed
that it was his. The Kurd refused to
give up the box, and so the Armenian
called on policeman for help.
The policeman said to the Kurd:
" Is that box yours?'
e Yes, it is mine, your honor the
Kurd answered, I have carried 1t for
two years
If it is yours said the policeman.
you know OF course, what its con-
tents are. What are it's contents?'
The KurI hesitated a little; then he
said Sullenly:
There are tobacco and cigarette pa
pers in the box
The policeman turned to the Ar
menian.
You claim you own the box. do
your he asked.
:" I certainly do, said the Armenian.
I dropped 1t only ten minutes ago.
heard it fall, and turned to pick it I'D
wien Ills AooCd4 S4dDbeu II anu EdAs
He
" Enough said the policeman. IF
all this is true, tell me what is In the
box?'
There is 50 cents in it, the Armen-
ian answered.
THE policeman opened the box and
found, sure enough, coin to the amount
of so cents exactly
. The Armenian he said. is in the
right The box is his, and he shall
have it.
Here he gave the Armenian the
box.
+" The Kurd, he went on, is a liar.
Let US snite him over the head
And he smote the Kurd over the
head with a club.
Allah be praised he concluded.
For my trouble in deciding this COM
plicated affair I shall keep the 80
cents Los Angeles Times.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-05-09
POINTED PARAGRAPHS.
IFrom the chicago News.

ltTOm the chicago News
The spring poem will soon be
sprung.
An ounce Of action is worth a pound
of threats.
What three women know the whole
neighborhood knows.
This world owes every man a chance
to earn an honest living.
A woman may lose her mind, but
she is never at a loss for words.
A wise man has all the money he
needs, but fool never has enough.
He who has never travelled has read
but one chapter in the book of life
There is no hope for a man who
wastes his time arguing with women
and babies.
When some men meet a creditor
they either tear up the street or turn
down an alley.
Many a man. after laying down the
law to his wife, is compelled to pick
himself up.
Too many women look upon a mar
riage certificate as a license to operate
a hold-up game.
The man who talks as if he had his
mouth fun of hot mush is never a BE
to make q stirring speech.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-05-09

A California woman went o,.o--- -
visiting a clairvoyant. Perhaps her m
sanity was simply discovered after TIE
Vlslt.-Aemphis News Sciuita.r LAS
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-05-09

Tt is provided in the ''ParsifaT' eon-
tract that in Abilene the show is to
make the fntermission between the ar
ternoon and evening performances long
enough to permit the patrons to p1
home and milk.-Clay Center Times.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-05-09

beware, your days are numbered"
MARRY, wouldst make an almanac
Of me ?''=AlIy S1oper's Half-IIoliday.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-05-09
HuaEoR o. ZEE pAY.

''If you was to get to be one O. desc
multimuIionaires said Meandering
Mike. would you fergit your humble
past?"
mo, SIR answered Flooding Pete.
"I'd be a real philanthropist- I'd buy
up all de car factories an have cush-
ions put on de trucks, Washington
Star.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-05-09

Visftor-Doesn' it cost a great deal
to live in city like this?
TIaggard T9yspeptic-I suppose it
does. Ny doctors never have allowed
me to live here. I merely exist here.
Chicago Tribune.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-05-09

Pausing uncertainty before a desk
in the big insurance Office, the E1tbern-
ian visitor said to the clerk: "Oi
want to TEX out a pawlicy." Life
fire, or mariner" drawled the dapper
clerk with infinite sarcasm. ''All three
Ohm thinlkin,'' retorted the applicant,
"OPm goin' fer a stoker in the navy p
Puck.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-05-09

Elsie (aged fve)-I do hope some Dutch
man will marry me when I grow up.
Aunt Mary-Why, dear2
Elsie Cause want to be a duchess
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-05-09

Woggles-Hicks has a great memory
for details hasn't he?
Boggles-I don't know He has owed
me SO for three years now. and ap-
parently he has quite forgotten it.
Somerville Journal.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-05-09

He-Nday I call on you this evening?
There is something that I have long
wanted to say to you.
She-Yes, but here's a doorway in
which we can stand without being seen.
So many things might happen before
night you know.-Chicago Record
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-05-09

Jacob had just kissed Rachel.
Then he lifted UP his voice and wept.
why do you do that?" asked Rachel.
Because he sobbed, lit didn't seem
to surprise you; am not the first
Young man you have kissedr'
But he forEave her to such an extent
that he served her father II years for
her.=Chicago Tribune.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-05-09

She-Do you think it makes a man
bald to keep his hat on?
He-Oh, no, I've taken mine off
merely to get the exercise.-Chicag
Record Herald.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-05-09

Farren-Hasn't our trouble with
Venezuela something to do with an as
phalt company?
Kooler-Certainly it's get pitch
quick scheme that's at the bottom Of
it.-Chicago Tribune.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-05-09

.ssone men, - said Uncle Fben. keeps SO
busy tallxin' bout deirse'fs dat dey never
finds time to say anything wuf talkin
bout. Washington Star.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-05-09
JOURNAL ENTRIES.

Japan seems to think that france
enforces the law of neutrality about
like Wichita enforces the prohibition
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-05-09

Sunday School Teacher-Now, then
Willie Smart, can you tell me what a
prophet is?
Willie Smart-Why "a prophets one
o. these fellow that's always lookin'
for a chance to say ''I told you so."--
Philadelphia Press.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-05-09

Remember hearing about the rich
man and the eye of the needle wher
you used to go to Sunday school? Wen
do you suppose the needles eye vii
wink when John D. tries to pass
through?
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-05-09

"Rojestvensly has a queer system Of
puncthuationl'
How is that?"
Every time he comes to a full stop he
puts a little colon."-Cleveland Plain
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-05-09

Is Formal D. Hyde who is some
times mentioned in connection with
tainted beef, a relative Of Equitable
Hyde?
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-05-09

Mr.. Lawson hasn't made a million
in Wall street now for three or four
days. Has the supply of frenzied
financial lambs run short or IS Mr.
Lawson's press agent just taking a
vacation
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-05-09

Mrs. Rash-ChiIdren nowadays are so
mature.
Mrs. Rash-Yes, they are; my two little
boys find fault with their food exactly like
grown men.-Brooklyn Life
Los Angeles herald., 1905-07-10
Sentence Sermons

Modesty is a mark of might
1t is easy to call our impulses His
inspiration.
Faith builds no fences between us
and our fellows.
Men need new hearts more than
stronger harness.
Envying another's cake only spons
our own cookies.
Men who intend to be good tomorrow
always die today.
Life is all song when one lives in
harmony with the infinite.
God waits for us somewhere on ev-
cry pathway of pain.
The fragrance of life depends on
the fulness of its love. .-t, =. :
The heart gains no rest through the
gold cross carried on the breast. ~
It's no use agonizing in prayer for
the light when you keep the shutters
locked
The more haste men make for hap
piness the less acquaintance they get
with it,
Heaven has feasts for home coming
wanderers but not so much as hand
out for the tramp.
The best friend is not one who
gives us most cold cash, but tho one
who imparts most warm cheer.-Henry
II. Cope, In Chicago Tribune.
Los Angeles herald., 1905-07-10
TYPEWRITER GIRL
DIDN'T LIKE HIM
DIALOGUE THAT INCLUDED AN
INVITATION
When the Mail Order Superintendent
Found Out That the Stenographer
Plned for Company He Changed
His Mind

From the Chicago News.
II don't see how you make your fin
gers go so fast" said the young mail
order superintendent to the young wo-
man stenographer as she stopped to
make an erasure.
'Its quite easy to make your fingers
go," said the stenographer, pointedly.
"You make mistakes, though, see."
I'm but human. If never made a
mistake might qualify for your job"
But you're doing good work, on the
whole" said the mail order superin-
tendent, patronizingly.
You'll get me all puffed up If you
talk like that? Kind words can never
die, can they? Scatter few of them
over the office boy. He'd appreciate
'em."
"I didn't mean to offend you," said
the young man.
"You couldn't" she retorted calmly,
and resumed her letter. The mail or
der superintendent fingered until she
had completed it.
IT heard joke the other day about a
stenographer who married her boss" !"
he said. Before they were married he
dictated to her and after"
The stenographer raped briskly on
the bell of her machine with her pencil.
you've heard it, have you?"
"Not for some years. Isn't much
business in your department this morn
ing, is there?"
do you want me to go?"
"It doesn't make much difference tc
me-" said the stenographer. 'If you
didn't talk or get in my light wouldn't
know that you were here"
"Well, If you don't want me to go I
guess I'll stay. like to watch you."
mo extra charge" said the stenogra-
pher. I'm on exhibition from till B."
"Where do you go to lunch?"
Sometimes to one place, but / often
go somewhere else for change. Where
do you get shaved?"
II shave myself"
"Do you ever talk to yourself? II
you don't you might go away some-
where and try 1t some time. don't
think you'd learn anything. but I'm
sure you'd appreciate your conversation
more than some other people do"
you're pretty sassy, aren't you ?"
I'm lust as cute as can be, but I'm
not sassy. Were you going to ask me
to take lunch with your"
II was thinking of it,"
you've got another think coming.
You'd better brace yourself for the
strain. You're new to it."
''Then you won't conner"
''Would you order blue points?"
Sure"
Anything / wanted to order?'
Certainly"
"And any place l wanted to go?"
Los Angeles herald., 1905-07-10
Hurryinq Hatchlnq

Even the incubator is not regarded
as sufficiently advanced in these days.
An English resident of China has per-
fected device for Matching eggs within
an hour.
The egg is placed in chamber filed
with compressed air and warmed to a
certain point, and is there revolved by
a clockwork attachment. AT the end
of three-quarters of an hour the eggs
begin to hatch and the entire batch is
ready for the brooder
According to the inventor the proper
compression, temperature and rate of
speed of the revolutions combine to
bring about the desired result, and un-
less these three factors are properly
determined a scrambled egg is more
likely to result than chicken.
Owing to the present difficulty in ad-,
justing these three points the incubator
will not be placed upon the market for
time. Possibly by then a forcing
brooder will turn out genuine Spring"
chickens in twenty-four hours.
Los Angeles herald., 1905-07-10
MINOR BASEBALL

The Home Ice company ball binglers
won double victory yesterday by de-
feating the Pirates and the Hines &
Gentry teams in rather handy fashion.
They met the Pirates on the Seventh
street grounds and annexed the long
end of 2 to score. Whalen and
Whalen formed the battery for the
winning aggregation and Black and
Mockler for the Pirates.
In their second game the icemen
hooked up with the Hines & Gentry
diamond artists and won their second
victory by trouncing the opposition II
to l. Roger and Whalen formed the
battery in the last game and Bressine
and Lyons divided the honors for the
Hines & Gentry team.
The Morgan Oyster company baseball
squad defeated the Morans yesterday
By score of to 0. Both teams played
snappy ball and will probably come
together again in the near future.
Los Angeles herald., 1905-07-10
DOUBLE VICTORY
FOR THE ANGELS
CAPTURE TWO GAMES FROM
ATHENIANS
GOODWIN AND T0ZER PITCH
MorIeylte TwlrIers in Good Form and
Locals Win Third Successive Dou-
BILE Header-Spies Swings
Big Stick
GOODWIN AND TozER PITCH

Special to The Herald.
SAN FRANCISCO, July 9.-The
Angels took their third consecutive
double-header today, winning the morn
ing game from Oakland by Z to 2 and
in the afternoon by to 4. Goodwin
and Hogan were the opposing pitchers
in the morning and Tozer and Iberg in
the afternoon. Hogan was hammered
hard but Goodwin seemed to have the
Commuters In submission at all times.
The afternoon game was rather slow
and uninteresting. The Commuters
made a desperate finish in their half of
the ninth, but Tozer was too much for
them and held them safe. A week ago
the bleachers were yelling Back to the
kennel, Towser," but today he got the
glad hand from grandstand and bleach
ers alike each time he came to bat
Flood hurt his hand in the second, but
refused to retire, and as a consequence
fumbled about everything that came
his way. Spies connected safely with
three of Iberg's f1oaters out of four
times up.
The Angels got two in the first with
out a hit, another in the fourth on hits
by Brashear, Spies and Egar and two
more in the fifth on safe singles by
Bernard, Flood and Dillon. oakland
took one in the first, when Francks got
in the way of wide curve, two stolen
bases and Kelly's sacrifice, another IN
the sixth on hits by Dunleavy and
three successive drives through Flood,
and Francks came in in the ninth on
two hits and an out, and there the
game stopped.
The scores:
Los Angeles herald., 1905-07-10
PARAL YZED CHINAMAN is
DEAN OF C0UNTY'S WARDS
is FINISHING TWELFTH YEAR IN
HOSPITAL
All How Is Expert Wood Carver and
Saves Money Raised by Sales of
Fancy Articles to Provide for
Himself When He Leaves

After twelve years of contentment,
All How, better known among the
nurses and physicians at the county
hospital as Charley, has expressed a
desire to leave the public institution
and return to his friends in China
town.
A history card, grown yellow with
time, hangs over the head of Charley's S
bed and tells the story Of an accident
which occurred on December 81, 1898,
when the Chinaman was so severely in
jured that he has since been paralyzed
in the lower limbs.
Each day, when asked if he wished
to leave the hospital the same reply
was received by the physicians, that
he was perfectly contented to stay
where he was, but last Friday, much
to the surprise Of the nurses and doc
tors, ne expresses the desire to leave
the confines of the public institution
where he has spent so many years.
Charley is busly preparing to raise
sufficient funds to take him away from
the hospital. All day long he sits in
the sun on the veranda and carves
away on knotty pieces of wood, slowly
carving fantastic briar pipes and unique
razor handles.
No amount of persuasion will lead
him to tell the cause of his sudden
change of mind. He sits cheerfully
carving away with smile on his face,
willingly answering every question put
to him until mention of his contem-
plated departure is made, when a sud
den silence seizes him.
He is fifty years old and has spent
nearly one-fourth of his life In the
county hospital. He is well educated
and speaks excellent English. He de-
lights to tell of the nurses and ply
sicians who have come and gone since
he went to the institution. and will
talk by the hour Of the happenings
of the last decade at the hospital
Whether Charley's determination to
leave the hospital is but a passing
fancy, is a question that the attending
physician is unable to solve, but his
sudden change Of mind has at least
caused some interest among the friends
who have known him for years.
Charley has no dihiculty in disposing
OF his wares as he has proven himself
an artisan. Of no mean ability, and II
he continues In his determination. II
Los Angeles herald., 1905-07-10

much wrangling Graham and Goch-
nauer being fined and put out of the
game. Lynchs steal home was the fea-
ture. In the afternoon Thomas was
hit harder than Hit but Tacoma took
advantage of San Francisco's costly
errors at critical times. Score:
Morning game
r. H. E.
San Fran. 0 A o 0 o 0 o-5 9 2
Tacoma .... 2 0 2 ks 13 3
Batteries-Henley and Shea; Fitzgerald
and Hogan.
Afternoon game
R. H E.
San Fran. 2 0 0 0 0 0 % 0 5
Tacoma .... 0 l 0 / 2 0 x-4 l
Batteries-Hitt and Wilson; Thomas and
Graham. Umpire-Davis
Los Angeles herald., 1905-07-10
f''' t''.,'.' ,.' laazAY9 s',. s','''''
On Draught at
Jos. MeICzer & Go. l4l.I47 S. Main

The mail order superintendent hesi-
tated. Where do you want to go?'
he asked.
"I'll see where my aunt wants to go.'
said the stenographer. "Shes more
particular than 1 am. You wouldn't
mind if 1 invited some one else, would
you?"
What do you want some one else
for?"
ITO talk to me while you talk to
auntie," replied the stenographer Be
sides, he wouldn't like it if 1 went with
out him."
IT guess we'll call it off," said the
mail order superintendent as he moved
away.
Los Angeles herald., 1905-07-10
UndeIivered TeIearams

There are undelivered kilograms at tho
office of the Western Union Telegraph
company for Francisco v. Fontes. II. G.
Brown. Chas. Boone, DR.. X. Loder, Sus-
sic Chattom, Mrs. Geo. II. King, N Glass,
A. Simon, II. E. Hardy, Miss G. IL. Weis.
Harry b. Chase. Mrs. l. s. Watson, Il. A.
Sale, DIR. G. B. Pinkham, Collins Hol-
comb, James g. Eairchids, Edward
Brady, II. p. Ward, Mrs. Pereine, j. M.
Ledgerwood, Ethelyn Lord
There are undelivered kilograms at the
Postal Telegraph company 23S South
Spring street, for @. p. Peralto A. l..
Castle, Thos. G. kurtz, Alma Heyn.
The Rev. Edward Dunbar, who wrote
the old Sunday school song, There Is a
Light In the Window for Thee, Bro7
ther," sleeps in a pauper's grave at
CoffeyYille, Kas., where he died .
tramp in the town jail twelve years
ago.
An Arabic translation Of TIomer's
'Iiiad' has been published at Cairo by
suleimen Xistani, a Mohammedsn stu
circles have received It enthusiastic
cally.
Los Angeles herald., 1905-07-10

will be only a short time until he will
have sufficient funds to leave his little
bed in the Chinese ward forever and
the county hospital will have lost its
oldest patient.
Los Angeles herald., 1905-07-10
po Not NegIect the ChiIaren

AT this season OF the Year the first
unnatural looseness Of a child's bowels
should have immediate attention. The
best thing that can be given is Cham
berlain's Collie, Cholera and Diarrhoea
Remedy followed by caster oil as di-
rected with each bottle of the remedy.
For sale by all leading druggists.
Los Angeles herald., 1905-07-10
oNE-ARMED PITCHER
HERO OF BASEBALL GAME

The Johnson Machine works en-
ployes defeated the American Engin-
eering Foundry Co. team at baseball
by the score of to yesterday after
noon at the county hospital grounds.
The feature of the game was the pitch
ing of George Fly, the one-armed pit
cher, for the Johnson's.
Los Angeles herald., 1905-07-10
SUMMARY

Two base hits--Ross, Van Haltren. Sac
rifice hits-Smith, Dillon. Brashear. First
First base on called balls-Off Tozer Q;
off Iberg, 2. Left on bases-Los Angeles,
q Oakland, 9. Struck out-By Tozer, 8; by
Iberg, A. Hit by pitcher-Francks. Dou-
man. Passed ball-Byrnes, Time-1:55.
Umpire-Perrine.
Los Angeles herald., 1905-07-10
PUNCHED HITS GIVE
GAME TO DETROIT TEAM
BY Associated Press.

Py AbSocldleu IIebS.
CHICAGO, July 9.-Detroit defeated
Chicago today. Detroit punched their
hits in the seventh and with a sacrifice
and an error made their tally. Mullen
pitched in fine form. Attendance. 1O,5OO.
Score:
Los Angeles herald., 1905-07-10
TACOMA TIGERS TAKE
TWO FROM THE SEALS
By Associated Press.

TACOMA. July 9-Tacoma took two
games from San Francisco today. In
both contests the visitors took the lead.
but the home team fought against odds
and won out. In the morning there was
Los Angeles herald., 1905-07-10
OAKLAND.
SUMMARY.

Two-base hits-Kelley, Eager, Van Halt
rem, Bernard. Sacrifice hits-Ross Brash-
ear. First base on errors-Los Angeles, l.;
Oakland, l. First base on called balls
bases-Los Angeles, s; Oakland, 6. Struck
out-By Goodwin, l; by Hogan, 8. Hit by
pitcher-Kruker, Moskiman. Double
PlaEsMSmith HiiS, t TO TO Brasqear TO Rion; smith
Wild pitch-Goodwin Time--1:55. Umpire
-Perrine
Los Angeles herald., 1905-07-10
Gold Leaf Franes

Make your old pictures new by HAVING
them appropriately reframed.-the largest
line 70 select from Lowest prices Re-
gliding and repair work a speciality store
Co. S57 South Broadway. y
Los Angeles herald., 1905-07-10
CHICAGO AND PITTsBURG
IN TEN-lNNING TIE

By Associated Press.
CHICAGO, July 9.-Pittsburg scored
two runs in the fourth by punching
their hits. Flaherty had the locals shut
out, with only four singles in eight
innings, but went wild in the ninth,
giving a pass, forcing in Chicago's first
run by hitting batsman and being
hit for a single and double, good for
two runs. The game was called at
the end of the tenth to allow both
teams to catch train. Attendance,
$500. Score:
r. II. E.
SiucdSo '''''''.'''''''''''''''-.-
flItspurS ''.'''.::'..'.....'...- .::... IL
Batteries Wicker Reulbach and
o'Neili; Flaherty and Peitz. Umpire
ODay.
Los Angeles herald., 1905-07-10
National League
NATIONAL LEAGUE
oRVIE OVERALL PITCHES
WINNING GAME FOR REBS

By Associated Press.
CINCINNATI, July 9-Three bases on
balls and balk gave st. Louis its only
run in the first inning. Sensational
fielding by the Cincinnatis kept down
the visitors score. Attendance, 42OO.
Score:
Los Angeles herald., 1905-07-10
SUMMARY.

Home run-Held. Three-base hft-Story.
Two-base hit-Graham, Tsola, F. Whaling.
Sacrifice hit-White: First base on er-
Left on bases-Los Angeles, TO-; San Fran
cisco, H. Bases on balls-Off Birdsall, 4;
off White, 8; off Whaling, g. Struck out
8 Passed balls-Whaling, l; Healy, 1;
Tsola g. Wild pitch-Whte. Hit by
pitched ball-Becker Graham. Time of
burger.
Los Angeles herald., 1905-07-10
SIWASHES TR0UNCED
AGAIN BY PORTLAND
By Associated Press.

SEATTLE, July 9.-The locals played
a miserably poor game in the field to-
day and Portland won easily. Fitzpat-
rick was not hit much. harder than Es-
sick, but the latter was effective with
men on bases and only one tally was
scored by the Seattle aggregation. In
terest in baseball seems to be reawak-
ening in Seattle and the size of the
crowds is increasing. Score:
r. II. e.
Seattle 1sast|s i -. pSSPS4SG 9 -?
Batteries-Fitzpatrick and Dashwood; |;
Esslck ana Mclean. Umpire-Bray.
Los Angeles herald., 1905-07-10
AMERICAN LEAGUE
CLEVELAND WINS TWO
FROM ST. LOUIS MEN

By Associated Press.
ST. LOUIS, July 9.-On a soggy field
and in a drizzling rain Cleveland took
both games in a double-header today.
The second game was stopped in the
fifth inning by heavy downpour. At
tendance, 5000. Score:
Los Angeles herald., 1905-07-10

San EHANCI5GO.
ABB r BH sB POA ID
Plume So ''.'..'...e 26 o
Los Angeles herald., 1905-07-10
OAKLAND

RUNS AND HITS BY INNINGS.