The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-07-12
HUMOR OF TIE DAY

HVMOR OF TIE DAY
Jaggers-Did your wife die a natural
death?
waggers-Indeed she did She was talk
Leader.
familiar with ali the classical composers
:, FAMILIAR" exclaimed Mrs. Pepprey;
why. she's positively fiippant. '-Philadei-
phia Press.
Gerald-I wonder whether I shall be
numbered with the sheep or the goats on
Geraldine-Weii. you are always butting
in.-Judge.
Everybody is wondering who brought
that young Dodson to the picnic. The
first thing he did was to sit down on
Made a bad impression. eh?"-CieveJsnd
Plain Dealer.
and out of focus?' said the quack oculist
suddenly appearing at the busy mans
desk
That may all be- was the reply. but
If your brain wasn't any more out of
plumb than my eyes you'd be lucky. De
troit Free Press.
You have served your country nobIy,'
said the n1ikado. Anything you may ask
II have but three requests answered
the japanese naval hero, don't erect a
hal arch o d et fnp ea ms me NTH
Washington Star.
Some people, said the timid man, ARE
criminally reckless. Now. the fellow who
jumps on moving train is fool:
he's not fdo he feels like ore WIEN the
woman who owns the train Elares at
him. ''-Philadelphia Ledger.
TT may be pure Imagination rena .ked
the City Hall philosopher, but it Sc ems
to me that 1 can always detect fair I'M
dercurrent of GOODNESS between the bride.
grooms' mothers and the brides mothers.
Detroit Tribune.
Many are ambitious to do great things
for which they have no ability, but are
not inclined to do the little things of
which alone they are capitalization
| Transcript.
What authority have you for the state
ment that Shakespeare is tmrncrtal?
THE fact that he still survives after
having been murdered by bum actors for
800 years.'-Cleveland Leader.
! The Foreigner-The Presidency, be-
| lieve, is the highest office within the gift
of the American people, is it not?
The Native-No; the highest onice is
| the weather signal station on Pixies Peak.
Chicago News.
/ mas Deen demonstrated I1al q man
can live for so days on water;
/ Possibly; but you have to pick your
man. Grand Rapids Press.
Mother (reproachfully to her small SOM
Jamie where have you been all the af-
| ternoon?
jamie (uneasily)-At Sunday school,
Mother-Then how is it that you are wet
Jamie lin desperation)-Well you see
I've been studying about Jonah and the
whale. and-well-I guess It came off or
my clothes.-Harper's Weekly.
CaIler-Is your mother in, Ethel?
Ethel-No, ma am; she's downtown
Efhei-oh, no: don't think she hat
time for that. She just said she was go
ing to get some things she neeoed.-Pnil
adelohia Press.
Lend me your umbrella, dear. It's rain
ing again tonight
:Buf, John. Why don't you take the on
you've been carrying for the past week :?
What, to the yestry meeting? Why
that's where I got it. '-Philadelphia Press
Brown lives on the royalties of hi
books, doesn't hep
yes, soup three times a week and
toothpick on Sunday. Constitu
ton.
THAT after dinner speaker took every
body off their feet. didn't hep
1T was the only thing left for hir1 t
| do: they were off in their heads befor
: he began to talk!'-Detroit Free Press.
Miss Romanz-You don't appear to car
much for music. Don't you even like tn
t popular airs?
Miss Hunter-No. the only popular al
with me is the miilionaire.-Philadelp
: Press.
"a soft answer" remarked the party Q
3. the first part, ''turneth away wrath"
True enough" responded the party @
= the second part, but wrath also turnet
] away a soft answer louisville Courier
$ Journal.
. Friend of the Family-You are yer
: lucky, my boy, to be the seventh son.
:. will bring you everlasting fortune.
! Son No. TT hasn't so far. ALI it
4 brought yet is the old clothes of my ST
brothers.-Detroit Free Press.
! do you think that our country will eve
I succeed in getting rid of grafters?'
Yes" answered Senator Sorghum
There will be time when grafters ar
unheard of. But it Will be due to til
| change that is constantly going on in ou
| yocabulary. There will be a new wor
that means the same thing. "-Washingto
: Star.