Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1905-07-14
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HeI hope you don't make a fool OF
your husband?
She-No; I don't have to.-Yonkers
Statesman.
Appropriate-A Southern cornetist,
named Burst, has three children Alice
May Burst James Wood Burst, and
Henry Will Burst
So Natural.-Mrs. Cassidy-Twas
very natural he looked Mrs. Casey
Aye, shure he looked fur all the wurld
ioike lowe man layin' there dead.
I Breaking the News.-Mistress- s-If
you want eggs to keep you must lay
them in cool place. Bridget-Ofll
m1ntion 1t to the hens at wanst, mum.
His Experience
Regarding a woman" said Henpeck,
To this said conclusion I've come:
When man puts ring on her finger
He puts himself under her thumb"
Awful.-Uncle Hiram-They say
that the sun never sets on the British
Empire. Aunt kannah-Doesn't it
] now? And we have such lovely sun
sets over here!
Very Likely.-"Have you any taste
for Thackeray?" asked Mrs. Oldcastle.
/ No, l can't say that 1 have" replied
her hostess; "is that anything like this
paprika they're putin in everything
now?"
Correct.-"Pa," said little Reginald,
what is bucket shop?" GA bucket
shop, my son." said the father, feel
ingly, lis modern cooperage estab.
lishment to which man takes bar
rel and brings back the bung- hole"
Insinuation.-Patron Gn restaurant)
What are you bothering me fort
Head Usher-The gentleman at the
next table wanted me to ask if you
wouldn't please face the other way.
He says he was nearly eaten by an al
l1gator once and can't bear to see you
! eat"
The Realist.-Alexis came home one
night with his clothes full of holes.
What has happened to youT" exclaim-
ed his mother. "Oh, we've been play
4
Alexis replied. "Shop?" echoed his
mother. Eyes. We opened a grocery,
and everybody was something" Alexis
explained. II was the cheese"
Could Do Without It.-"You remem-
Der that gave an order for pound
Of liver while ago?' YES" was the
reply. well, find that 1 do not need
it, and you need not send it, Before
she could put down the telephone re-
ceiver she heard the market-man say
to some one in the store: Take out
Mrs. Blanks liver. She says she can
get along without it,
Recommendable.-" husband Is
SO poetic" said one lady to ,ther in
a car the other days. "Poor dearn' in
terrupted good-natured rocking wom-
an with a market basket at her feet,
who was seated at the lady's elbow
and overheard the remark Have you
ever tried rubbin' his jints with hart
shorn liniment, mum? That'll straight
en- him out as quick as anything I
know of
The Secret of Harmony.-Young
Mrs. Mead had just engaged two SER
wants, man and his wife, 81 am so
glad you are marriedr' she said to the
man. II hope you are very happy, and
that you and your wife never have any
difference of opinion" Faith, ma'am,
couldn't say that" replied the new
servant, "for we have a good many:
but OF don't let Bridget know of thin,
an so we do be getting along we'll.
Generals Saved Him.-When Gen
eral Robert E. Lee was fighting Grant
in "the last days. an old darky be-
sieged headquarters with requests to
see "the gin'ral." ''Well, where do
you belong?" demanded General Lee.
Il b'longs to y'r company, gin'ral," re-
turned the darky mo, you don't"
declared the General, Sharply. every
body in my company has been shot.
How is it that you haven't been?' The
darky scratched his head. Then from
his twisted mouth cam. a confidential
whisper: "Well, yo' see, gin'ral it's
this away amt been shot ease
when dey's a fight goin' on 1 always
stays with the gin'rals.''