davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1905-05-11
JOKER PLAYED A
TRICK ON BARCLAY
Dealer Went to Anoka to Help
Out Customer in
Distress

"Say, have any Of you fellows ever been
bothered by some-well, 1 won't call names
but have any of you fellows ever been bothered
by somebody over the telephone telling you that
he of your best customers In dis
tressY asked Joseph ]. Barclay at the meeting
of the Retail Automobile Dealers association
Tuesday night.
Mr.. Barclays case shows what lot Of
trouble one man can make. Just as Barclay
was getting ready to go to church Sunday
morning the telephone bell rang and the voice
said that the man speaking was customer
who had just bought large touring car. and
that he was stuck about four miles north of
Anoka thereabouts.
In an instant Mr.. Barclay decided not to go
to church. and started hot-speed for the garage.
Loading five gallons of gasolene, gallon of
lubricating oil and all the tools he could find
of rescue AS soon he got in the country
he threw open the throttle and the big car
bounded forward. The machine had never gone
better, and Anoka reached in the shortest
possible time. Pretty soon the car drew up
at the spot where the broken-down car was
supposed to be. There nothing doing.
Barclay waited few minutes and then climbed
tree to get better view Of the horizon.
! Still nothing doing. Then he stopped some
people going by and they had not seen any
| cars that morning. The ride home began. The
sun was not shining
| When Minneapolis was reached the car was
turned in the direction of the home of the afore-
| said customer There he was found sitting in
| his library where he had been all morning.
IT would give $25 to know who played that
| trick" said Mr.. Barclay.
4h,r4- ,;.h4 hor.o,,vor poro1 Tourist moe
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1905-05-11
zone out when winning run was made.

Bases on balls, off Fisher 2, off Hickey l.;
struck out, by Hickey 3; two-base hit. Swander ;
threebase hit, Carr: sacrifice hits. Osteen, Roth
Congalton; left bases Indianapolis 8, Column
bus Umpire, Kane. Time, 2:O5. Attendance,
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1905-05-11

NATIONAL LEAGUE
GAMES YESTERDAY.
New York 4, st. Louis j.
Philadelphia TO- Pittsburg 8.
Cincinnati 5, Brooklyn 0.
Boston 8, 2, Chicago 5, 4.
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1905-05-11

thirty eight horsepower Royal Tourist was
ordered at the Caplin garage yesterday by Earle
Brown,
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1905-05-11

Kansas City 80 Q s Q O. Q o-e
*Batted for Evans in The NINTH
& Two-base hits, Franz 2, O'Brien; innings
pitched, Sessions 4. Evans 5; hits, off Sessions
z. off Evans d. bone run, Noonan; double plays
O'Brien to Marcan to Noonan, Frantz to Bon
ner to Massey, Downey to Bonner to Massey;
struck out: by Frantz 3, by Sessions /, by
Evans 2; hit by pitched ball. Noonan; bases
on balls, by Sessions 2, by Evans 3, by Frantz
2; wild pitch, Frantz; left on bases, St. Paul
z, Kansas City s; time, 1870; umpire, Haskell;
attendance 1850
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1905-05-11
BASEBALL
PITCHERS HAD EN-
JUMPING HURDLES
Outfielders Suffered with Ennui
in First Game with Can
tillon's Men.
Eu O:Loudl1iln.

Milwaukee and Minneapolis played ball yes
serday afternoon 1t was one OF those DELHI
crate nerye-racking contests in which things
60 along evenly. There was a sweet peace and
harmony about the whole thing that left the
fans nothing Srowl about-and nothing to
feel good over. The two hours OF play were
as serene as a country wedding where the VII
lage soprano hides behind a fern borrowed from
-, the undertaken and sings 1.-THE Voice that
Breathed DER Eden while the pastor prepares
material for the divorce mill.
The sides came in and went out like the
dripping of leaky water tank Curtis. large
pirate. was on the slab for the brewers and
gave hits about literally as Russell Sage
throws dollars to newsboys. Sieyers did the
switching for the millers and, while he was
liberal in issuing frst-base transportation. he
also put the razomoraz ten of the Cantillon
persons. Joseph was out the coaching line.
yelling like drunken Pi Ute. and his coaching
did much TO help out his minions. He became
wroth at some of his players, and the dressing
down he gave them was one OF. the bright
of no
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1905-05-11

his voodoo eye on Severs and massaged the
stretch and came under the wire before the
outfelders could get up the barrier. McCor-
nick then clawed viciously at three Of them
and the agony was over
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1905-05-11

AMERICAN LEAGUE
GAMES TODAY.
Washington at Cleveland. g..
Boston at Detroit.
GAMES YESTERDAY.
No games. scheduled.
Holbrook argus., 1905-12-02
The Remedy.

Attorney General Moody was discus sing certain flaws in the criminal code and certain remedies that had been suggested.
 "These remedies" he said, "are not logical; they would not be effective if enforced.
 "They are singularly llke the reme- dy that a chophouse waiter once indi- cated to an impatient guest.
 "The guest had ordered chop and when it was brought to him he said, with disgusted air:
 "Waiter, my plate is quite cold
 "'Yes, sir he said, but the chop is hot, sir, which think you'll find it'll soon warm up the plate nicely, sir '"- Philadelphia Bulletin.
Holbrook argus., 1905-12-02
SUPPOSE WE SMILE.
HUMOROUS PARAGRAPHS FROM
 THE COMIC PAPERS.
Pleasant Incidents Occurring tho World Over-Sayings that Are Cheer full to Old or Young Funny Selections that Everybody Will Enjoy.
Timely Warming.

At certain high school in this city 1t is the custom to discuss briefly the mornings news before taking up the regular work of the day. In this con- nection an instructor in the school in question tells of funny incident.
 One day the teacher ascended to her desk, paper in hand. She spread the paper on the desk, and glanced at the headlines of the first page. "The first head that observe this morning" said she, is, 'Pool-Room Raided.'" She then raised her head and with the ut. most feeling in her voice said:
 Boys, never, never touch cue"-.~ Harper's Weekly.
Holbrook argus., 1905-12-02
Drawback.

"Well," said the landlady, as the new boarder was about to begin his second week, ''how do you like our establishments"
 "Oh, pretty weii," replied the n. b., except the meals are usually arrang' ed so as to interfere with what I'd like to do.'
 "What would you like to do" queried the landlady.
 "Eat," was the significant response
Holbrook argus., 1905-12-02
An Impossibility.

The Boy (at the play)-Pa, is the villain as bad as he acts?
 The Father (who thinks he knows something about acting)-He couldn't be, my son."-Cleveland Plain Dealer.
Holbrook argus., 1905-12-02
A Great Light Breaks.

Proser-"Your friend Barrett Is dead"
 Poet" -"Impossible! Why, I was at his rooms last night reading my latest poem to him."
 Proser-"Come along with me to the inquest, then. The coroner is still in the dark as to what caused that sudden relapse."-Cleveland Leader.
Holbrook argus., 1905-12-02
Turn About.

Mrs. Gusher-Dearest, if I die first shall wait for you on the other shore.
 Mir. Gusher-That will be no more than right I have to wait for you whenever we go any place in this world.-Cleveland Leader.
Holbrook argus., 1905-12-02
An Enterprise Came to Naugtt.

"What Crimson Gulch needs," said Broncho Bob, "is racetrack."
 "Why don't you start oneW
 "Tried 1t. But it was no use. There wasn't anybody that would bother about gallopin' the ponies. Everybody wanted to be bookmaker."-Wash- ington Star.
Holbrook argus., 1905-12-02
An Optimistic View.

Muggins-So you finally mustered up courage to propose to Miss Springer, eh? What was the result?
 Huggins-She dismissed me without ceremony.
 Muggins-Oh, well, don't you care. The absence of ceremony saved you the minister's fee.
Holbrook argus., 1905-12-02
A Narrow Escape.

Mrs. Nuritch-Yes, we were going to leave our dat for the summer and take bungalow at Benton Beach.
 Mrs. Ascum-Why didn't you?
 Mrs. Nuritch-We discovered at the last minute that the bungalow had no elevator in it-just fancyl-Philadel phia Press.
Holbrook argus., 1905-12-02
The Sea Jests.

"Those ships are polite creatures" remarked Old Ocean to his friend, the Beach.
 "Indeed" answered the sandy one. "Yes, indeed. They always bow to me."-Cleveland Leader.
Holbrook argus., 1905-12-02
A Wise Child,

The Nurse-The idea of big boy like you making his nurse pull his boots off! What will you do when you are grown up and have no nurse?
 The Little Boy-When I grow up I'll be policeman, and all policemen have nurses.-Le Rire.
Holbrook argus., 1905-12-02
Unacnuainted.

"Do you know anything about this note?" asked the man from the col lection agency, sternly.
 The impecunious one looked at the paper carefully.
 'No," he decided. q can't say that I ever met it."-Clevcland Leader.
Holbrook argus., 1905-12-02
The Greatest Invention.

"What do you consider the greatest in- yenton of modern times?"
 "The phonograph." answered the po- itical boss, who was having trouble with some of his loquaclous subordinates. Ut never says a thing that hasn't been told to it by somebody that knows what he is talking about" t."-Washington Star.
Holbrook argus., 1905-12-02
Safer.

Do you mean to say you trusted your money to man you didn't knowW
 "Why, yes," replied the lady. i've been cheated so many times by old friends of the family that l thought I'd try new tack" ."-Detroit Free Press.
Holbrook argus., 1905-12-02

Dyer-Gotrox has a magnificent es- late, but there are lot of tumble down cottages in the vicinty that de- tract from 1t.
 Ryer-That's where his poor rela. tons live.-Judge.
Holbrook argus., 1905-12-02
Willing to Draw Check.

Bank Cashier-You have overdrawn your account, madam.
 Lovely Lady-That is just like me. My husband says l am always exag- gerating everythlng.-Somerville Jour. nal.
Holbrook argus., 1905-12-02
Short Lived,

Footlighte-Did you say your friend was playing in "The Twelfth Night" yet?
 Sue Brette-No; the company busted up before it reached the twelfth.-Yon- kers Statesman.
Holbrook argus., 1905-12-02
Infor m a tion Wanted.

During the campaign" said the political boss, you must never fail to hold up American industries" " T.
 "For how much7" asked the inno- cent candidate.
Holbrook argus., 1905-12-02
Last Word.

"Does your wife insist OF having the last word?" said the man who asks impertnent questions.
 Certainly not" answered Mir. Meek ton. She doesn't have to insist."- Washington Star.
Holbrook argus., 1905-12-02

Tt may not be your intentlon," re- marked Miss Gladdie, but doesn't it occur to you that your treatment of me is rather calculated to make us bad friends?"
 "No," replied Miss Kander, coolly, T had an idea it would make us good enemies. Philadelphia Press.
Holbrook argus., 1905-12-02
Special Terms.

"And have you any special terms for summer girls when they come in a par tyr" asked the pretty brunette in the mountain hotel
 "Yes, indeed" responded the clerk, suavely.
 "And what are they"
 "'Peaches' and 'dears.'"
Holbrook argus., 1905-12-02
Gone.

Gone. Tess-Yes, she said her husband married her for her beauty. What do you think of that! ulsn Jess-Well. think her husband must feel like a widower now.-Phila. dslphia Press.
Holbrook argus., 1905-12-02
Thrifty Landlord.

Mrs. Hicks-Don't you think we'd better let Ella take singing lessons?
 Hicks-Not while l own the adjoin. ing houses.-Judge.
Holbrook argus., 1905-12-02
No Wonder.

"Juliaw yelled the poet, "why don't you keep that kid quiet? What's the matter with it?"
 "I'm sure don't know" replied his patient wife; "Im singing one of your lullabies to the little darling."- delphia Press.
Holbrook argus., 1905-12-02
A Great Light.

Homeless Holmes-Dis here paper says dat soap is good for moskeeter bites. r
 Petered Pete-Say, been a-wonder- in all me life wot dat stuff was good fer.-Cleveland Leader.
Holbrook argus., 1905-12-02
To Be Married in October.

She-But do you really like me just as am?
 He (enthusiastically)-Just as you arel There isn't single thing about you that would change except your name.-Somerville Journal.
Holbrook argus., 1905-12-02
It Needed It.

He-That's your new hat, eh?
 She-Oh! my, it isn't trimmed yet. He-Trimmed? Oh! I see, you've got to cut it down a bit. That's a good scheme.-Philadelphia Press.
Holbrook argus., 1905-12-02
Real Thinn

Doctor1The indications are that you have throat trouble.
 Pat1snt-You bet have. Three of my daughters are taking singing les sons
Holbrook argus., 1905-12-02
Achilles.

That savage old soldier Achilles Got up on the aeetest of Allies;
 But the horse wouldn't so
 Till Achilles said: "Whoav Now wouldn't that give you the willies
Holbrook argus., 1905-12-02

She (after the quarreD-I suppose you want your ring back?
 He-No, keep it. I don't know any girl it would fit unless she wore it on her thumb.
Holbrook argus., 1905-12-02
Took Nothing with Him.

Hicks-Well, see old Goldrox has lost every dollar he had in the world. failure?
 Wicks-Incredible ! What was it, failure?
 Hicks-Yes, heart failure. He died this morning.-Catholic Standard and Times.
The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1905-03-22
Monday.

Russian rear guard is engaged in a
heavy action at Kaiyuan, 80 miles
north of Tie pass, according to reports
received in Yinkow.
Vatican authorities are making
preparations for the visits next month
of Emperor William of Germany and
King Edward of England.
Iowa corn yield may be doubled as
the result of a campaign for improve
ment in seed handling being conducted
by an expert from the Ames college.
Japan's rapid expansion in the direc-
tion of imperialism causes apprehen-
sion at Washington lest the Philip
pines be the next object of her ambi-
ton.
French government contemplates
decisive action in Venezuela and pro-
poses to act along parallel lines with
the United States in clearing up the
situation there.
The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1905-03-22
Athletics md Work.

Athletics are nothing but a spurious
substitute for the manual and bodily
labor which our athletic amateurs are
forbidden to perform by the laziness,
greed, snobbery and rapaclty Of their
class. ] could keep myself in perfectly
good condition and temper II | might
do n couple of hours work every day
as Il navy without doing poor man
out OF his job" AS II Is, have to
weary myself and waste my energy In
bicycling and walking to places where
| have no business, over roads which
l have tramped until | am tired of
them. have TO drudge through tex
erclses" to keep myself from becoming
n human pig. have even pulled at
india rubber ropes until l could not
bear the revolving absurdity of II, even
without an audience to laugh ut me.
The whole business Is too slckenlng
for public discussion. Half the popula-
ton lives miserably and breaks down
prematurely from excess of bodily toll.
The other half does the same because
there is no. bodily work left for 1t
to do. That is what is called clvillza-
tion.-George Bernard Shaw in London
News.
The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1905-03-22
Mary. Queen of Scots.

Beautiful she may not have been,
though NJ. de Brantome would never
allow 1t; but fine, fine she was all over
sharply, exquisitely cut and modelled;
her sweet smooth chin, her amorous
lips, bright red where all else was pale
as n tlnged rose; her sensitive nose, her
broad, high brows, her neck which two
hands could hold. her small shoulders
and bosom Of a child. And then her
hands, her waist no bigger than stalk,
her little feet She had sometimes an
intent, considering, wise look-the look
of the Queen of Desire, who knew not
where TO set the bounds of her need,
but revealed to no one what that was.
And belying that look askance of hers
sly or wise or sleepy, as you choose
her voice was bold and very clear, her
manners were those Of lively, grace
full boy, her gestures quick, her spirit
impatient and entirely without fear.
At this hour she was nineteen years
old and not two months n widow
From "The Queens Qualre,"
The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1905-03-22
Enct. About Oranges.

The ripper an orange gets the more
yellow II becomes. A dealers test for
n perfect orange is to press 1t MS you
would n hard rubber ball. If you can
make slight indentation by pressing
hard, but the pulp remains firm enough
to rebound, the orange is all right
Russet oranges are rich, but liable to
spoil. When buying oranges by the box
(and this is the best plan where you
use a good many get n repacked box
instead of an original one. Thin skin
ned, bright colored oranges are the
best. While the California, Florida
and Arizona fruit are altogether the
best for eating out of hand or on the
table, the foreign oranges, Messlna or
Sicily, are considered best for marina
Philadelphia Inquirer.
The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1905-03-22
A story of webster.

On one occasion Daniel Webster was
on his way to Washington and was
compelled to proceed Mt night by stage
from Baltimore. He had no travelling
companion, and the driver had sort
of felon look, which produced no in
considerable alarm in the senator. 81
endeavored to tranquillze myself"
said Mr.. Webster, "and had partly
succeeded when we reached the dark
woods between Bladensburg and
Washington, n proper scene for muir
der or outrage, and here, l confess, my
courage again deserted me- Just then
the driver turned to me and with a
gruff voice inquired my name. l gave
it to him. Where are you goingf said
he. The reply was: To Washington. l
am a senator Upon this the driver
seized me fervcntly by the hand and
exclaimed: How glad | am! l took
you for a highwaymanr"
The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1905-03-22
A One Word Speech.

Julius Caesar holds the record for
brevity of convincing speech.
The story is told that while Caesar
was in the midst of his struggle for the
mastery of the Roman empire the SOL
diers Of his favorite Tenth legion mutt
MED. He appeared before them, and
uttering the one word "Quirites,"
paused.
That word means, Of course, "citi-
zens," but to the veterans to whom 1t
was addressed it meant great deal
more 1t was the special term used in
addressing Roman voters assembled in
Il purely civic capacity, not as soldiers,
but as civilians.
To the mutinous soldiers 1t meant
that the great commander, whom they
had followed for ten long years from
the Alps to the Thames and from the
Rhine to the Pyrenees and across the
Rublcon, disowned them as soldiers and
dismissed them from his victorious
service.
Realizing its meaning, the story goes,
the mutincers were appalled,. Battle
scnrred veterans burst into fears inn
The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1905-03-22
Friday.

Funeral services for Mrs. Jane L.
Stanford were held in Honolulu, and
the body was sent to San Francisco.
Twice convicted in New Brunswick,
N j.. J. F. Cordova faced four-year
term in prison for wife desertion and
beating.
Success OF failure Of Russia's at
tempt to negotiate a further loan In
Paris will. II is believed have a de-
cisive effect on her future policy.
The administration acknowledges
that the Sonto Domingo treaty cannot
be ratified, the Republicans lacking
nine votes of the necessary two-thirds
in the senate.
Tie pass is now in the hands of the
Japanese and the broken Russian army
continues It's retreat to the north. No
details of the action have been re-
ceived and the ultimate fate of the
remnant of Kuropatkin's force is still
problematical.
The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1905-03-22
THOMPSOH'S BAROSMA,
KIDNEY AND LIVER
GllRE.

You exist because you breathe, but
are you the healthy man or woman you
should be? Is existence JOY to you!
II not. ask your physician why. lie
will tell you 80 times out of 100 poor
health comes from arrangement OF the
liver or kidneys, and you will pay nm
from one to three dollars a visit Tor
treatment. He may cure you. Yet in
doing so he will use exactly the same
mdicines that Thompson's Barosma is
composed of. For the small sum OF 5O
cents. one dollar size if you wish, you
may put yourself on the way to com
plete recovery. Thompson's Barosma
is simple. harmless, pure-simple as all
things ultimately attained by science
are-difficult to arrive at, but PLAIN
enough when the principles are under
stood. Thompsons Bsrosma has been
tested by time and public opinion, ana
Is infallible. It is guaranteed. Would
YOU run an engine for ten years with
out cleaning ii out? Do you think that
the human system differs much from
an engine? Your Kidneys and liver In
time get clogged up-they need cleans
ing Uncared for your engine breaks.
Unattended. your system runs down.
Is there any argument? 1t will cost you
80 cents or one dollar to start on the
road to relief (there are two sizes OF
Thompson's Barosma, obtain'bIe NJ
any drugglst's). Is it wise to delay or
take chances? Practically every symp-
tom of illness may be traced to the
liver and kidneys, the main org ms of
the human system Thompson's Baros-
ma will cure you.
The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1905-03-22
mr.,.x Thirteen" stroke.

"Big Ben" the bell in the clock tower
over the houses of parliament In Lon
don, is alleged to have struck four
teen on a recent midnight. The Incl
dent recalls the well authenticated case
of the Westminster "Great Tom" going
astray In like fashion.
During the reign Of William III. a
sentinel on duty was sentenced to death
on the charge of being asleep ut his
post. This the man denied, and he de-
clared that he heard the clock strike
thirteen instead Of twelve ut midnight
The fact was deposed to by several per-
sons at the trial, and the life of the
soldier-namcd Iatlleld-was saved.
He died in 1T70 in Aldersgate, aged
102 years.
The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1905-03-22
ThSrsdey.

verification was obtained of the
statement that the beef packing firm
Of Schwsrzchild & Sulzberger will line
up with the government in the beef
trust suits.
A dispatch from Berlin gives the
opinion in Germany that European
financiers will decline to lend money
to either Russia or Japan unless they
begin negotiations for peace.
1t is reported from Curacao that
President Castro Of Venezuela has
cut the coast cables of the United
States and Hayu company, French
corporation. and is about to seize their
property.
General Kuropatkin telegraphs
March IA: "A fierce attack on the
center of our positions at the Fan
river (about 13 miles south of Tie
pass) has been repulsed. More than
1000 corpses remain in front of our
positions"
The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1905-03-22
Tuesday.

Twelve persons are injured, three
probably fatally, in wreck on the
Erie railroad near Winfield, Ind.
Miss Gertrude Barnum, a wealthy
girl of Chicago, has opened headquar-
ters in New York to organize women
workers into a trade union.
Collapse of four buildings under
construction in New York is charged
to faulty construction and the sudden
change from cold to warm weather.
Representative Hull reiterates his
views that Japan will eventually seek
to obtain the Philippines, and in Wash
ington many public men coincide with
hiS opinion
Japanese capture Kaiyuan, 20 miles
north of Tie pass, and the pursuit
Of the Russian army continues. Jap
anesa troops occupy Fakoman to the
northwest oil Tie pass, while Kuroki
pushes on forward on the east.
The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1905-03-22
Saturday.

II is officially announced that Gen.
eral Kuropatkin will be replaced by
General Linevitch as commander-in-
chief of the Manchurlan army.
Work is soon to begin on the naval
station at Lake Bluff, Chicago, where
the navy department plans provide for
construction to cost $1,5O0,000.
Armies of Oyama and Kuropatkin
are engaged in a fierce fight north Of
Tie pass, the Russians endeavoring to
shake off the pursuing Japanese.
William Marconi, the inventor, was
married at st. Georges, Hanover
square, London, to the Hon. Beatrice
O'Brien. sister of Lord Inchiquin.