Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1905-06-02
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Knicker-Didn't the doctor build
you up? Bocker-Yes; but he seems
to think he built a bank.-Harpera
BaZar
William-There's one thing about
Miss Charming's house 1 don't like
Arthur that? William-Hel
father.
Meekly-Yes, we're going to move
to Swamphurst. Doctor-But the ell
mate there may disagree with your
wife. Meekly-It wouldn't dareLTit-
Bits.
Teacher-Now, Johnny, if your papa
caught one fish of three pounds, one of
five and one of four, how much would
they all weigh? Johnny-Twenty.-
Harper's Bazaar.
Mrs. Flynn-An phwat's yer sol
Moike doin' now, Mrs. Casey7 Mrs.
Casey-Shure, Moike amt doin' amy.
thing, Mrs. Flynn. He's got goyer'-
ment job.-Sls Hopkins Book.
Hes thorough Bohemian is Jack"
cried an actor in praise of an acquaint-
ance. He'd give you his last shilling
without thought of repayment" Eyes,
or borrow yours on the same terms!'
responded his friend.
| Editor-So you want position as
weather reporter, eh? What do you
know about reporting the weather?
Hiram Boots-What do 1 know? Gosh,
I've got the biggest corns in this here
county.-Chicago News.
Mamma-There! You have a black
eye and bloody nose and your coat
Is torn to bits. How many times have
told you not to play with that bad
Brown boy? Bobby-Gee, ma! Do I
look like we'd been a-playin' ?@Cleve-
land Leader.
Modern Mother-Why, child alive,
what are you taking off that dolly's
clothes for? Modern Child-I'm going
to famine her to see If she's been vac
'tagion among my other dollies
more American.
"Oh! Ouch! Stop thatp' yelled Tom
my. "Why, Tommy, aren't you ashara-
ed? 2" exclaimed his mother. II wouldn'.
cry like that if it were my hair that
was being combed." ''I'll bet you
would If was doin' the combin'," re-
lplied Tommy, fiercely.-Catholic Stand
ard.
You can't show me a single rea.
son." clustered the pater familias
why we should 60 to the seashore
this summer" "What?' cried his
wife, pointing to their quartet OF mar
riageable daughters, 81 can show yor
four single reasons" ."-Philadelp
Press.
minister, who was making a call
won't you come and shake hands
my SOM" "Naw" snapped the nice
little boy. my gracious! Don't yor
like me?' NAV! 1 had ter git m.
hands an face washed jist because
you come"
There was a smell of cookies in tn,
kitchen when Tommy made his morn
, ing call on his grandmother. II sup
,, pose you have just had your breakfast
Tommy" she said, land you're no
hungry" .'Gran'ma," he answered
t f"boys Is always hungry.'-Chicag' g
Tribune.
Jim Persimmons-I reckon dat's
ten-horse-power automobile! Pet
Possum-Wot! You reckon dat ma
!. chimes got ten times as much powe
as dis horse O. mine? Jim Persim
No. n
looks like one-half horsepower hors
dat you got dar!-Puek.
Clara-You don't mean to say yo
have been out skating all the after
noon! l should think you'd be awful
tired. l suppose there was no plac
where you could sit down? Kate-Of
yes, there were places all over tn
pond. I used them all, guess.-Cin
cinnati Commercial Tribune.
Miss Screech-He said something t
you about my singing last night didn'
he? Miss Feppery-Well, he did re
mark how funny the corners of you
mouth looked when you sang. 9Th
idea! How could he have seen them
"Why not? He was sitting directl
behind you while you sang -Catholi
Standard and Times.
A lady entered a railway station no
hundred miles from Edinburgh th
other day, and said she wanted ticke
for London. The pale-looking cler
asked: "Single?'' ut amt any of you
business" she replied. Il might hav
been married a dozen times If I'd ik
the providin' for some poor shiftles
wreck of a man like you.'
The editor of a country paper r,
Gently apologized to his readers fl
the lack of news somewhat after th
following fashion: I'VE expected
have death and a marriage to. al
nounce this week; but violent stor1
prevented the wedding, and the docto
himself having been taken i'll his ps
tient recovered and W were accort
ingly cheated out of BOTH"
An Irishman was charged with