davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1905-03-17
KENTUCKY Mountain schools.

Teaching school in the Kentucky
mountains has never been easy work,
and it is a question whether the long
suffering dominic who strives mentally
and physically with the fresh. uncul-
tured native product that Is brought
under his care, does not at least bear
off with him at the end of the term a
diploma that would admit him at any
time to all the glories and privileges of
martyrdom. In land famous for its
family feuds. abundantly familiar with
the seductions of "moonshine," and
pushing it's politics to the verge of rev.
olution, tractability in man or boy Is
not characteristic trait. Neither are
the appliances for teaching numerous
or adequate. The first schools had no
text books whatever, and instead Of
paper, smooth boards of white wood
were used, with the juice of oakballs
for Ink. To-day the equipment of the
log school houses that dot the creeks
and nestle among the hills of the Appa-
lachian wilderness has not undergone
very marked advance over those first
primitive conditions; while the native
human type is still characterized by
the old-time carelessness, nonchalance,
and scorn for the trammels of latter
day civilization.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1905-03-17
A Case or lnterr.retatio..


What shall we do, with the pris-
demanded the spokesman Of the
mob. do thou, O royal chamberlain,
haste to the presence Of his majesty
and learn his wish"
The royal chamberlain hurried to the
presence and bowed himself thrice to
the floor. Then he asked the mon
arch's pleasure regarding the desperate
outlaw.
Away with him." said the king in a
loud, harsh voice
But the chamberlain was something
OF humorist and when he returned to
the mob he laughingly announced that
in regard to the misdoings Of the pris-
oner, the king had said only that it was
"a way with him.
Whereupon the mob reluctantly re.
leased its quarry.
But in trying to explain the joke to
the obtuse king the royal chamberlain
became confused and completely lost
his head.-Baltimore American.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1905-03-17
LAYING up Treasures.

The third bank of Japan received a
deposit of 1900 yen, which will remain
for 25O years, from G.. Abe, dealer in
coal and coke at Tokyo. The bank
has contracted to pay the sum of
1,2O8,411,179 yen at the end of $50
years. The father of the depositor
was a jinrikisha man, and he himself
was an ice boy some twenty years ago.
Lately the father lost a ship in a
storm. The ship had been insured for
5000 ven. The money received from
the insurance company was deposited
In behalf of his posterity.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1905-03-17
DOUGLAS JERRoLp.
Some Of the Caustic Retorts Made by
the Eamaua Wit

Some Of the Caustic Retcrts Made by
the Famous Wit.
When a prosy old bore stopped
Douglas Jerrold, who was hurrying on
urgent business along Regent street,
with the question, well, Jerrold, my
dear boy, what is going on?'' ~ amp
retorted Jerrold, shooting past like an
arrow from a bow.
Also to contribute to third sub:
scription which was being got up for
a reckless Grub street writer, Jerrold
cried impatiently, How much does the
fellow want this timer well, this
time think just four and two naughts
will put him straight" "Put me down
for one of the naughtsr'
A lawyer, replying to the toast of his
health drunk at dinner of artists,
stammered out that he did not expect
the honor, as law could hardly be con-
sidered one of the arts, whereupon Jer-
rold interjected one word only,
"Black!
A clergyman who was indecorously
and uncharitably denouncing the poor
for the number of children they bred
wound up with the opinion that the
real evil of the times was ''the surplus
population Jerrold nodded a hearty
assent, Certainly, the surplice popula
toni"
There's one song in the Prologue,
cried musical bore to Jerrold, (which
always carries me away" would ]
could sing it," calculated Jerrold.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1905-03-17
The Man with the Ho: Ho,

I love the ringing of music of a CHEEKY,
hearty laugh,
For it routs the imps of worry as the
breezcS scatter chaff.
And there's not scene of gladness
known to mortals here below
But is made little gladder by merry
no! no! no!
For merriment's singer, and laughter
is his song,
And where the singer singeth the happy
angels throng,
For in all celestial anthems nothing
sweeter is, trow,
Than the melody that lures in ho! ho..
no! ho! no!
You are feeling rather weary-'tis an oft
recorded tale
And you fancy troubles demons all are
camping on your trail,
I'LL you meet the man of laughter, with
his CHEEKY no! no! no!
And, some way, as you listen, all the
haunting demons go!
Then you vow this old planet is a place
of joy and cheer,
And there's pleasure in rejecting that
you now are living here
And you wouldn't for fortune lose your
grip on things below
All because you hear the music of a
ringing no! ho! no!
Two angels walk upon the earth, walk
daily to and fro,
The one is clad in robes of white, the
one in garb of woe.
The voice of one is laughter; the others
is a sigh.
JOY is the one; the other woe; for souls
of men they vie;
And the one comes running, running,
summoned by the witching spell
OF the ripping notes of laughter that
the spirits rapture tell;
While the other straight is driven from
the souls it haunts below
By the ringing and the singing of a no!
ho! ho! no! no!
We all love the music Of CHEEKY, hearty
laugh
To spirits bowed with trouble it's a
heaven-given staff
But our burdens seem so heavy as we
pass them in review
That we often let another do the laugh
ing we should do;
At any rate, it's so with me, for I'm
Of brittle clay,
And haply it is SO with you, although /
do not say;
And SO, perchance, you'll join with me,
this one bouquet to throw
To the man who brings us blessings with
his no! no! no! ho! no!
New York Times.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1905-03-17
To Trade With Mexico.

According to current reports, Can
ada is making strong effort to build
up a large trade with Mexico. The
Canadian government has agreed to
give an annual subsidy of 100000 in
gold, and the Mexican government a
subsidy of 100000 in silver, for new
steamship service between Mexico and
Canadian ports, both on the Atlantic
and Pacific oceans.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1905-03-17
NO REASON SHOWN BY BIRDS.
they Are Governed by Instinct, but
That Instinct Ia Flexible.

they Are Governed by Instinct, but
That Instinct In Flexible.
The recent English writer, Richard
Kearton, says there is mo such dead
level of unreasoning instinct" in the
animal world as is popularity supposed,
and he seems to base the remark upon
the fact that he found certain of the
cavities or holes in hay rick where
sparrows rocked lined with feathers,
and others not lined, writes John Bur
roughs in Outing. Such departures
from level line Of habit as this are
common enough among all creatures.
Instinct Is not something as rigid as
cast iron; it does not act like ma
chine, always the same. The animal Is
something alive, and is subject to the
law of variations. Instinct may act
more strongly in one man than In an
other, or as one animal may have
greater speed or courage than another
of the same species. 1t would be hard
to find two live creatures, very far up
In the scale, exactly anKe. A thrush
may use much mud in the construction
Of it's nest. or it may use little, or none
at all; the oriole may weave strings
into its nest, or it may use only dry
grasses and horse hair; such cases only
show variations in the action of in
stinct
But If the oriole should build nest
like robin or a robin build like q
cliff swallow, that would be depart.
ure from instinct to take note of. OF
if the whippoorwill and its allied spe
cies in Europe should perch across the
limb instead of lengthwise of it. OF
the wood duck nest in marshes and the
marsh hawk nest in trees, then, indeed
would the dead level of instinct be VIC
lently wrenched. Organic life in all its
forms is flexible, the habits of all the
animals change more or less 4witf
changed conditions, but the range Of
fuctua tons in the lives of the wili
creatures is very limited and is always
determined by awkward circumstances
and not by individual volition, as it sc
often Is in the case of man.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1905-03-17
The Misuse or"Quite."

"Quite" strictly means completely"
and is rightly used in such sentences
as ''The flower is quite faded" Its
secondary meaning, very" "to great
extent" has the authority of good
writers, though such expressions as
quite young and quite hot" have a
colloquial ring about them. There is,
however, springing up of late the SLOW
emily practice of employing the adverb
quite" with a noun-e. G., quite a
panic ensued." II an adverb can mod
ify a noun, where is the distinction
between adverb and adjective? AS a
matter of fact, the functions of the
adverb seem to be encroaching on
those of the adjective. Re
view.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1905-03-17
500 Reward. 500.

learn that there is at least one dreaded disease
that science has been able to cure in all its
stages, and that is Catarrh. Halls Catarrh
Cure is the only positive cure known to the
medical fraternity. Catarrh being constitu-
tional disease, requires constitutional treat
ment. Halls Catarrh Cure is taken internally,
surfaces of the system, thereby destroying the
foundation of the disease, and giving the pa
tisnt strength by building up the constitution
and assisting nature in doing its work. The
proprietors have SO much faith in its curative
powers that they offer One Hundred Dollars
for any case that it fails to cure. Send for list
of testimonials.
Address. F. ]. CHENEY & CO., Toledo, o.
Sold by druggists, 75c.
Halls Family Pills are the best.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1905-03-17

NapOleOn's Idea OF Journalist.
The worst Recommendation that any
man could have in Napoleon's eyes was
to be newspaper writer. Shortly after
the 18th Brumaire, Table de Parade,
who was always favorite with the
Emperor, solicited an appointment for
one Of his acquaintances.
what has he doneY asked Napo-
leon. HE has been a Journalist, a
censurer, a giver Of advice, regent
of sovereigns, tutor of nations. The
Bicetre is the fittest place for people
of that stamp" Suppose Napoleon
lived to-day, with his every thought
anticipated in the newspapers! Some
good newspaper advice might have
saved him in the Russian campaign
and later at Waterloo. York
Press.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1905-03-17
Tho King OF moilusks.

The king Of mollusks lives in the In
dian and South Pacific oceans. He at
tains to a weight of 500 pounds, and
the shell is Of the bivalve kind, and the
shape is about the same as that of our
common fresh water mussel The gi-
gantic Tridacna is the largest mollusk
known to have lived on the earth since
the Sifurian Age. It is found on the
bottom of the shallow parts of the
ocean, and the large individuals have
no longer the power to move about
They lie on one side, and all about
them the corals build up until King
Tridacna is sometimes found in a
well-like hole in the coral formation.
St. Nicholas.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1905-03-17
Much the Easier Task.

MARY, my love, things are 80 beast
ly bad, don't you think You might have
q try at making your own clothesr
70 George, pet, don't think I'm
clever enough for that, but I'll tell
you what; I'll have a try at making
yoursf Society.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1905-03-17
Hoods Jdrsdparilid
and Pills

Remove it, give new life, new cour.
age, strength and animation.
They cleanse the blood and clear the
complexion.
Accept no substitute.
al felt tired all the time and could not
sleep. After taking Hoods Sarsaparilla
Q while could sleep well and the tired
feeling had gone. This great medicine has
also cured me of scrofula." MRS. c. N.
RooT. Gilead, Conn.
Hoods SarsaparIlIa promises to
cure and keeps the promise.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1905-03-17
Macaroni wheat.

Salzer's strain of this Wheat is the Kind
which laughs at droughts and the ele-
ments and positively mocks Black Rust,
that terrible scorchi
It's sure of yielding go bushels of finest
Wheat the sun shines on per acre on good
Ill.,. Ia, Mich, Wis, O., Pa, Mo-, Neb.
lands and 40 to go bushels on arid lands!
No rust, no insects, no failure. Catalog
tells all about it,
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1905-03-17

In proceeding to explain the uses of
an incubator London school teacher
asked her class: ''In what other way
could an egg be hatched than by putting
it under hen?' A bright pupil replied:
"You might put it under a duck
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1905-03-17
Had Been There Before.

Messenger Boy-Here's package for
you, sir.
Wedderly-So? What is it?
Messenger Boy-I'm not sure, sir, but
1 think it's birthday present your wife
ordered for you at Smiths jewelry store.
Wedderly-Oh, very well. Just leave
the bill and tell Smith I'll send him a
check for the amount tomorrow.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1905-03-17

If you can't go to call on a friend
without finding clue, stay at home.
II you can't walk up street without
seeing clue, throw yourself into the
river. The world would be better OF
with every suspicious minded person
out of 1t, and he shouldn't wait till
the ice on the river melts. either.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1905-03-17
Boxed.

They were returning from husking
bee.
"And were there any red ears?'
asked the friend.
"Oh, yes" responded the girl in the
gingham dress. .T had two when pa
caught that city fellow kissing me-
Kennebec (Me.) Journal.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1905-03-17
Ever Notice 1t?

YES" remarked the man who occa-
sionally lets out only an audible thought,
sit is"
What it's that isT' queried the party
with the rubber habit.
1T is easier to cut an acquaintance
than it is to carve a steak with restau-
rant knife" explained the noisy thinker.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1905-03-17
Those Russian Name,.

Crimsonbeak-Is it wrong to talk
with the mouthful?
Yeast-Why, certainly it is.
well, how is a man to talk about
those Russian generals, then? You
can't speak their names without hav-
ing mouth full!-Yonkers Statesman.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1905-03-17
Third Rail.

Third Rail.
Eastern Man Visiting in the West
Has the third rail reached your town
yet?
Western Man-Sure thing! We rode
a man out of town on Monday. another
man on Wednesday and the third was
rode out of town to-night-Yonkers
Statesman.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1905-03-17

The Russian government has estab-
lished half dozen model farms for the
cultivation of cotton in different parts
of Turkestan.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1905-03-17
just Caneht.

Husband-I don't believe that fish is
fresh.
Young Wife-Nonsense! It's just out
of the ocean, I'm sure. 1t smells just
like salt water at low tide.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1905-03-17
The One Exception.

Muggs-The Chinese claim to have in
vented nearly everything.
Buggs- Judging by the way they
wear their hair, they didn't invent foot
ball.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1905-03-17
That's a Fact

"Capital and labor should go hand in
hand" remarked the moyalizer.
"True," rejoined the demoralizer, 'but
the trouble is too many men are trying
to get capital without labor
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1905-03-17
Betweea Friends.

Joe-You look out of sorts this morn
ing, old man; what's wrong?
Fred-Oh, family troubles.
Joe-Well, I'm sorry to hear that.
Nothing serious, I hope?
|, Fred-I'm afraid it is. had misun-
derstanding with my rich uncle last
night.
Joe-Indeed? Did you lose the ticket
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1905-03-17

For bronchial trounles try Piso's Cure
for Consumption. It is a good cough
medicine. At druggists. price 25 cents.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1905-03-17

By counting the hairs on square inch
of the human scalp, a Frenchman has
estimated that the number of hairs on the
head Of the average man is 127, 1920.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1905-03-17

Mothers will find Mrs. Winsiow's Soothing
Syrup the best remedy to use for their children
during the teething period.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1905-03-17
G1G7IVQNN1 |
JUST sENn 10c AND THIS NoT1cr

to the John A Salzer Seed Co., La Crosse,
Wis, and they will send you free sample
tof this Wheat and other farm seeds, to-
gether with their great catalog, worth
10000 to any wide-awake farmer. [P. G. IL
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1905-03-17
A GUARANTEtD CURE FOR PILES

Itching, Blind, Bleeding or Protrud'ng Piles
Your druggist will refund money if PAZO ONT
MENr talis to cure you in to IA days soc.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1905-03-17

cI1o Permanently Cured. No fits or nervousness
ITO after first days ofDr. .Kline's Great Nerve
Dr. r. H. Kline, Ltd, s31 Arch St. Philadelphia Pa
1t is unlawful in France for any per-
son to give solid food to infants that
are under one year old, unless on the
prescription of a physician.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1905-03-17
Bound to Keep the Girl.

Mrs. Suburb think Mrs. Lawnmow
must have girl at last.
Mr.. Suburb-Why?
Mrs. Suburb hear her giving some
one lesson on the piano.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1905-03-17
M. j. SHIELDS s. co.

0roWers hHu III PorCers OF All KINDS OF
Grass and Field Seeds
Dry ground deep-rooting grass seeds thvt
we Will guarantee to grow on ground that will
not produce cereals or any other kind of grass.
VIII make crop OF hay and pasture all seasons
OF the year. Address M. J. Shields 8 Co., Mos
cow. Idaho.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1905-03-17
Declined with Thanks.

Declined with Thanks.
Dribbles-Did You get check for
that poem you sent to Blanks maga-
zine last month?
Scribbles-Yes. Got it by return mail.
Dribbles-For how much?
Scribbles-Oh, not much; only three
words written with blue pencil
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1905-03-17

The way Of the transgressor y hard
-on his friends.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1905-03-17
TO CURE A COLD IN ONE DAY
Napoleon's Idea of Journalist.

Take Laxative Bromo Quinine Tablets All drus
gists refund the money if it fails to cure E. W
Groves signature is on each box. Csc.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1905-03-17

Onions for Colds.-Do all mothers
know how valuable onions are as q
remedy for children's colds? Never be
without onions in the house, and also
oil of some kind. Camphorated oil is
generally the first remedy to use upon
the appearance Of a cold. Warm lit
tie and oil the chest and back (as the
lungs come as near to the back as to
the chest, then oil the nose and soles
Of the feet. This will often be all that
Is necessary; but If it is not, make an
onion syrup by slicing raw onions and
covering them well with sugar, and
putting them in the oven until they
are well shriveled up and the Juice ex-
tracted, then give teaspoon occasion
ally. For older children make the
syrup Of treacle by slicing up an onion
and putting it to boil In half a cup of
golden syrup. When the onion is well
cooked, strain, and give a teaspoonful
Of the syrup as needed. If the cold
seems very tight, roast onions, then lay
them on napkin and pour warm oil
over them, and put on the chiId's
chest. This should always be tried in
severe cases. y
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1905-03-17
That
Tired Feeling

ls a Common Spring Trouble.
It's sign that the blood is deficient
In vitality, just as pimples and other
eruptions are signs that the blood
Is impure.
It's warning, too, which only the
hazardous fail to heed.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1905-03-17


other strong min
erals, but Is guar
ant teed entirely
vegetable. IWrite
us and our physi-
clans will advise
with ont any
charge whatever.
Our bookon Rheu.
nnatism sent free.
npany, Atlanta. CO.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1905-03-17

and
6issc snda T ~ s -
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1905-03-17

Bronchitis.-Dip a small sponge in
methylated spirits and gently sponge
the chest and throat with 1t several
times day. It will give almost imme-
diate relief and help to clear the
throat.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1905-03-17
RlHRffVJlNIIkI|Sl|
Columbus, Ohio, May 2o. 1oos.

Columbus, Ohio, May 40, 1909.
Six years ago had a severe attack Of
1nfafnmatory Rheumatism. Twas laid up
in bed for six months, and the doctors +
had did me no good. They changed med
icines every week and nothing they pre-
scribed seemed to help me. Finally be-
gan the use of S. S. My knee and elbow
joints were swollen terribly, and at one
time my joints were SO swollen and pain
full that I could not close them when
opened. I was so bad that could not
move knee or foot. I was.getting discour-
aged, you may be sure, whenI began S. S.
S., but as saw it was helping me contin.
ued it, and to-day am a sound well man
and have never had return of the disease.
S. S. S. purified my blood and cured me
of this severe case of Rheumatism after
everything else had failed. I have rec
commended it to others with good 70.
suits. R. Il. CHAPMAN.
I3s5Mt. Vernon Ave.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1905-03-17

The poisonous acids that produce the In
Aammation and pain are absorbed intot the
blood and Rheumatism can never be con-
quered till these are neutralized and fl-
tered out Of the blood and system. S. S. S.
goes directly into the circulation and at
tacks the disease itself. It purifes and re-
stores the blood to healthy, vigorous
condition. It contains no potash. slka1i or
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1905-03-17

ions do not readily yield to treatment,
but have found that the following
method has been successful In many
cases: After bathing the foot, apply
this preparation: Tincture of iodine,
one ounce; tincture of aconite (made
from the root, not the leaves), two
drams Put the liquid on with a cam
eps-hair brush and allow it to dry on.
1t may be applied daily. A piece Of
wool should be inserted between the
great toe and the one next to 1t, as this
will help to throw the joint in toward
the foot.
The diamond drill. (Crystal Falls, Iron County, Mich.) 1887-1996, 1905-02-18
To FLORIDA Thro' Old pa,tlsasld,

pixie Flyer leaves Chicago over
c. a. f. l. at 1900 p. m. and arrives
at Jacksonville $40 second morning.
Through sleepers Daylight ride
through the most picturesque and his
toric section OF the South Chicago
and Florida Limited" leaves Chicago
over c. & T.. /. 1875 p. m. and arrives
Jacksonville 7.55, St Augustine %
the next evening Solid Train with
Dining and Observation Cars.
Both trains use the NASHVILLE,
CHATTANOOGA AND ST. LOUIS
RAILWAY. between Nashville. Chatta-
nooga and Atlanta. the famous Bat.
tlchelds Route"
For folders and interesting litera-
ture call on or write TO BRIARD +.
HILL Northern Pass Agent. ~. c.
& St l.. Ry. $50 Marquette Bldg
Chicago. ILL.,