Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1905-02-10
~ l|lakSHE.S
y3z;zAl1 1n

can't afford it.-Cincinnati Tribune.
A Compromise: Miranda-No, Fred,
I won't take the armchair; you take it.
Fred-Er-suppose we both take it,
Life.
Young DR.. Swift calls every DAY OH
the little widow" Dear me! Is she
as ill as all that?" mo, but she is
as pretty as all that."-Ex.
| Foodle-My dear girl, have little
more sense than you give me credit for.
Mrs. Foodle-I am glad of that-for
your sake!-Illustrated Bits.
de only thing dat some people gifts
out Of education" said Uncle Eben, sis
de ability to talk SOS people can't I'M
derstand 'em."-Washington Star.
Binks-Skinnem tells me he is going
into Catchem's law Office as partner.
Jinks- he mean as an accom-
plfce? - Cinnati Commercial-Tribun
Shells skin grating very late dis
covery2 He-No, it is only new
branch Of very old art; all grating
Is skin process.-Detroit Free Press.
Knicker-So the Newriches are get
ting culture? Bocker-Yes, they have
learned to speak of a house beautiful
instead of a beautiful house.-New
York Sun.
Broker-No more margin to put up !?
Why, when the account was opened
you told me you were well off. Lamb
ley-So l was, but didn't know it
Town Topics.
She-Did you ever take your automo-
bile apart to see how it worked? He
Well, not exactly. 1 have taken ii
apart to see how it didn't work.-Yon-
kers Statesman.
Mayme-What a gossip Mrs. Gadby
is! Edith-Yes, indeed. 1 never tell
her anything without finding out that
, she has already told it herself.-Phil.
! adelphia Bulletin.
Mr.. Jones-My daughter is only 18
You had better wait until she is older
, The Lover-Well, I've waited two
years for her to get older, but she still
E stays at 1S.-Judge.
After the Wake: Mrs Cassidy
Twas very natural he looked Mrs
Casey-Aye! shure he looked fur al
the wurld loike lowe man layin' there
dead.-Illustrated Bits.
Giles-So you've got a place in tha
banking house? I suppose it was be
cause you knew the president? Har
! ris-Partly that, and partly because
hn
script.
Aunt Hannah-Have you told an.
one of your engagement to Mr.. Sweet
er? Edith-No; I haven't told a sou
except Bessie Miller, who thought h
was going to ask her.-Boston Tran
script.
Johnny Geehaw-Paw, what's tn,
i law of gravitation? Farmer Geehay
Il dunno. I hain't got time to kee]
up with all the fool statoots the DUR
d legislator passes.-Louisville Courier
y Journal.
s Highwayman-How much none,
n have you got? Heldup-I couldn'
guess. Highwayman-You can't CUES
: the amount? Heldup-No. Highway
man-Then give it up.-Clevelan
Plain Dealer.
Neighbors-I heard your dog howlin
last night. If he howls three night
3 in succession it's sure sign of deatf
Nextdoor-Indeed! And who do yo
y think will die? Neighbors- dos
Chicago News.
Ia Seedy Stranger-Excuse me, sir, bu
can you change a dollar for me? HI
: manitarian-Why, yes. Seedy Strange
Thanks. And now will kindly tie
me where I can get the dollar?-Clev'
, land Plain Dealer.
l 'That Mrs. Snaggs is too much of
aristycrat fur me to mingle wild
"a "How's that?" ''She was knocked dow
81 by push cart and she had it put int
y de paper dat she was hit by an aute
mobile. Detroit Free Press.
l. Tommy -Smokin' cigarettes is dea
Of sure to hurt yer. Jimmy-Gon! Whel
$, did yer git dat notion? From pop
= Jaw! he wuz jist stringin' yer" "N
# he wasn't stringin' me; he wuz stral
h pin me. OATS how I knows it hurts
or Catholic Standard and Times.
~ - "How do you account for the fact
If asked the doctor, ''as shown by actu
a investigation, that thirty-two out of e
e. cry hundred criminals in the count
are left-handed?' "That's easily a
d counted for,' said the professor; 't
y other sixty-eight are right handed" y.
:, London Tit-Bits.
"Say," said the girls dear lit
&. brother, "are you a baseball player
- NO." replied young NJ. Slowto
= '.what made you ask that?" 20
ss nothing, only when ma was askin' s
lg the other day, whether you was ev
e. goin' to come to bat, she said it look
IL to her as though you was playin' f
a. your release."-Ex.
S is Mrs. Tittle-Wasn't it disgracef
ia the way these women talked duri
ic the play last night? Mrs. Tattle
e. Well. should say So. Sarah Snooki
2. was trying to tell me the fuss in t
e- Rrindles family and those two WON