The morning Astorian. [volume] (Astoria, Oregon) 1899-1930, 1905-08-07

tie teSn OF Last Cali, who had hear
ot the wonderful seothin' effects 0!
my Alleviator and had raced out TO b,
the first to buy. but IN leetle time
was undecelved. AS they came up
and halted and formed a ring around
me the leader asked.
"Hain't your cognemen Pllgtfm
loet'
The same, thank ye.' l replied.
Are you 9 single mani"
Reasonably single. That IL, I've
got an old woman back In Indlany
whom | haven't seen nor heard of for
seven years, No tellin' when she'll
turn up, however,
"She don't count" says the man.
Back we're two miles Is a grieym'
wldler. She's been a wldder for three
years, ana is grievin' because she can't
catch man. Her case has appealed 70
our sympathies and techcd our hearts.
Day by day we have sawn her droopln
and plnin' for a partner, but he has
came not.
Its case where my Allevlator will
git In It's work." l said after takin'
one bottle, she'll kick up her heels like
a spring colt, and after takin' two she'll
set out and travel till she finds a
proper man. I've never knowed 1t to
fail"
"And II won't fail this time. cause
why? Cause we are goin' TO take you
along with us aud give the widder a
husband"
But how kin l marry her?"
Easy as pie. and it's got to be done.
Come on.
| would have resisted with carnal
force. but they was too many for me.
In half an hour we reached the Wild
der's, and she come TO the door and
looked me over.
"Will he do?" asked the leader Of the
mob.
Il reckon he'll have TO- as there
ham't nothin' better in sight. Old man.
dost sigh for a birdief'
Not a burned sigh. Widder woman,
| want TO tell you that I've got an old
wife in Indiany."
"But that don't buff me. Say that
YOU love me as you have never loved
before"
! refused to do so, and what did that
crowd OF critters do? One OF 'em
claimed TO have been a preacher In
Missouri before he stole a COW and had
to fee TO the wild, wild west, and they
hauled me of my wagon while he said
the marriage ceremony. Then they
threatened me with dire pains and pen
alties II ran away. raised their hats
to the late widder. and a mint later
galloped away and left us cooin' on the
doorstep They had fastened a rope
around my neck and given her the end
TO hold.
"Joey, DEAR" she says when they had
departed, "why this coldness of de-
meanor lords your blrdie?"
"Git outw i says.
Does that mean that thou dost not
love to dwell with met"
s'It dost.'
"Dost ii men that thou wilt not sit
here with me when the sun goes down
and the gloamin' comes and reclte
poetry in my ear and tell me tales OF
love and romance?"
"I'll never even squeeze your hand"
"Say not so, my Joey. | would that
could be east on some fair isle with |
thee, there to dwell forever and for |
ever. When the daylight faded softly |
nto night; when the stars came forth !
o tell their love; when the great. white !
noon looked down upon US as we whls-
)ered our tales Of love-
Forget it!'' / yelled.
Forget It? Never. Not on your
ife! Joey, my frollcsome darling
ny pet lambkin''-
And then / broke away and ran for !
he wagon. She made a grab for me
md missed. and with one tremendous
Dound | reached the seat and put the
yad on the old boss and liberty was
nine agin. The widder woman who
lad lost her Joey followed me for
nile, sometimes galnin' and sometimes
osin', but eventually my lucky angel,
'acked by my wonderful Pilgrim Pain
Alleviator, triumphed over all things,
nd she gave up In despair and turned
Ier face homeward. Allus shake the
,ottle before usin'. NJ. QUAD.