The morning Astorian. [volume] (Astoria, Oregon) 1899-1930, 1905-06-25

II was slow day for the police Of
the Butler street station yesterday, not
even q drunk disturbing the nonotc-
ny. Sergeant James Allen, the pride OF
the fair sex Of the Tenth Ward, was at
his desk, busily engaged In reviewing
his splendid record and contemplating
the day when he would wear a captains
shield. Detectives william Dillon, John
Clare, and Joseph Roberts had just come
In from u futile chase after nothing In
particular, and were 10 completely ex-
hausted. both mentally and physically,
by their exertions for the support OF
justice that they sank wsarily into
convenient chairs. Clare moved his
over TO the typewriter, and started to
write a song in which the poor sparrows
in winter were the main theme.
"This poet business Is great" said he
as he struck b. for an M II !
wasn't cop, I'd be. q Longfellow.'
"You would make about as good
poet, | think, as you are q cop said
the sergeant mysteriously. Clare took
the favorable side OF this observation
and smiled his thanks at the comph'
ment.
did I ever tell you,' returned the
future captain, ,"how | came to lose $780,
900 by laugh
The three sleuths had no recollection
of 1t.
Through some fortunate occurrence"
continued Allen, II had an uncle out
west whose figure in the financial sense
was estimated at 100000. He was a
sickly man, however, and was contin-
ually making his will. One day he died,
and when the right people got hold of
his last will, they found that yours tru-
ly was awarded half the fortune on one
condition. II was to the effect that !
must make good in some profession
within three months, and II tried more
taan three different occupations and
failed 10 make good in all after three
months trial, the money was to go to
some one out in Iowa. This proposition
nearly tickled me TO death.
''The first thing | tried was when, at
the age Of fifteen, I started as an ap-
prentice In a dentists Office. His name
was DIR. Hogg. Not too bad for him
either. He was the only one in the
town and did q good business. and had
a large number Of regular victims. One
Of them was the pretty l6.year.old
daughter OF the leading groceryman,
and at that time / was susceptible, and
! fell head over heels in love with her.
/ had got pretty fair in my work and
the doctor let me watch him yank the
molars at short distance, to be ready
in case one tainted. In this particular
instance, old Hogg left the room foi
something, and the girl looked so sweet
in the chair that l took a pair Of nip
pers from near by table and went up
close to her. She thought l was de.
tailed to do the job, and offered no OBJ
lection. Instead of telling her to open
her mouth, leaned over and quickly
kissed her. She screamed. The doctor
came out, saw the girl crying and when
she pointed at me he grabbed me by a
certain part of the trousers and / left
the profession.
"Next l secured a place as Office as
sistant TO the secretary of big compa-
ny, but was fired when took advan.
tage of the boss's absence to put on his
coat and hat and scare the other clerks,
butting in on them when they were
resting.
"The clerks were fooled, but in comes
the old man himself, and was caught
with the goods on. My second chance
gone.
II was finally placed as assistant TO
literary man who took fancy to me,
and got along swimmingly. His name
was Middlecoop, or something like that
but he couldn't help it, and wasn't bad,
He fell in love too, One day the girl
called at his home and was shown into
the library. He came in and tipped the
wink to me to retire. So sat In one
corner and picked up Mark Twain's
"Tom Sawyer" Suddenly heard a
smack, and I laughed at just that mo-
ment at one of Toms pranks. Well, 1t
was all up. My three months was up
at 5 o'clock, tnit the man gave my pay
at 4.
Everyone heard was once more
discharged, but they would not believe