davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Lamar register., 1905-03-15

Nothing in legend or history is as
quaint as the dialogues of Patrick and
Ossian. Ossian, as every one knows.
was the son of Finn, the high chief of
the Fenian heroes, and was the father
of Ossian. one of the heroes of the
Fenian battles, who was the friend of
that marvel of physical strength, the
giant Coll McMorna.
Some foolish people might be in
clined to doubt the veracity of those
stories for the mere reason that Os-
sian lived in the third century and
Patrick in the fifth.
But that is no reason at all for sup
posing that they could talk with one
another. Ossian was for two hundred
years in the land of Tir-n-an-og, or
Perpetual Youth, and he revisited Ire
land in the time of Patrick. The mat
ter becomes very simple in the light
of this explanation. OF course. no one
could grow old in Tir-n-an-og.
Ossian Meets His Fate.
Ossian was hunting near the Lakes
of Killarney when he saw a white
horse coming to him, on which rode a
most beautiful maid. He spoke to her
and she told him that her name was
MAN of the Golden Hair. and that
she was the daughter of the King OF
Tir-n-an-og.
She added that his great renown
had reached her country. and that. in
fact. it was to. see him that she had
visited Erin. AS was becoming to
such a paragon of chivalry. he fell in
love with her on the spot and set out
with her for Tir-n-an-og, where he mar
ried her.
Two hundred years of welded life
passed there like an hour. but at the
end of that hour he began to banker
for Erin and his old friends, not know
ing that these were dead.
MAN was willing that he should go
back, but wanted him to return to
her. She gave him the white horse
for the journey. but impressed upon
him that he must not alight. else he
could never return to Tir-n-an-og.
Ossian rode home, and great was
his sorrow to find that the Fenians
were all dead and that the race of
men had become small and weak. He
saw a crowd of them trying to raise
a large stone, and it appeared to him
that some of them were in danger of
being crushed by it. So he leaned
over in his saddle Just to show the
pygmies what a man of the ancient
Fenian times could do. and with his
one hand tossed the bowlder seven
perches.
The Enchantment Broken.
But the saddle grth broke and he
slipped to the ground, feeble and
withered old man, as small as any of
them. The enchanted horse imme-
diately disappeared
Ossian heard with anger of the
stranger (Patrick). who had intro
duced new worship into Ireland. He
went to see him to dissuade him from
what he thought was harmful folly,
and Patrick made him his guest, and
they lived together for years. accord
ing to legend, Ossian trying to convert
Patrick to paganism and Patrick do
ing his best to make Christian out
of the pagan poet and fighter.
The Lamar register., 1905-03-15
A Woodless House.

The Engineering and Mining Jour
nal says that firm of Baltimore arch
itects has drawn plans for building
without any wood in its construction.
1t Will be six stories in hight. the en-
tire structure to be of reinforced con-
crete and steel. Even the doors.
trims. window sashes and door Jams
will be of metal-a new departure In
building which might become of I'M
portance il there were better pros.
pect that the experiment would invite
imitation.
The Lamar register., 1905-03-15
Eggs.

One of the subjects that will come
up for discussion at the annual meet.
ing of the Colorado Cattle and Horse
Growers Association at Denver will be
the apparent increase in loco weed on
the ranges In certain parts of the state.
In few localities this range pest has
grown to be a most serious matter and
the cattlemen feel that the time has
come when 1t must be carefully inves.
tigated and some remedy found.
The Lamar register., 1905-03-15
ct. PATRICK AND Oss1AN
Quaint Legends of Which Little Is Heard in
These Degenerate Times

The heather had fine appetite, and
he found the fast days observed in
Patrick's house decidedly uncongenial.
nence from good food.
A Specimen Dialogue.
Patrick" said he one day. eff thy
God be good and hospitable. and thou
be His servant, | think the bread and
butter ought to be better divided. II
He sees how small my share is, it's all
very strange"
Now, Ossian." replied the saint.
this is nothing but vain scandal and
abuse of the good God. Thou gettest
seven cakes and roll of butter and Il
quarter of beef every day"
"Ah, man." retorted Ossian, "in the
days OF Finn | saw quarter of II
blackbird bigger than thy quarter of
beef"
do not again compare Finn with God.
who is all powerful"
"Oh. Patrick, you never saw Coli
or my son, Oscar, fight. There never
was In the East or the West a cham
pion who would not be defeated by
the Fenians. | wish you had seen
them at the battle of Knock-an. air.
the fiercest fight that was fought hand
to hand since the beginning of the
world.
only three of the foes survived
the slaughter, but six hundred and ten
of the Fenians fell. For ten long days
Oscar and mighty Meargach of the
Sharp Blades engaged in hand to hand
conflict, until at last Oscar cut off his
head
ossian's Argument.
Where was thy God when the
mighty Dearg came across the sea,
when Lochlin Of the Ships came. or
Magnus Nor or Tale MacTreoin land
ed in Erin? Many are the battles
and victories of the Fenians. but l
never heard of any feat performed by
your God or that He ever Redeemed
His head. Could He fight at all. Pat
rick?"
"My God could crush all your Fe-
mans in the hollow of His hand"
"If thy God told thee such a story
as that, don't believe another wor.i
that He tells thee all thy life. I never
heard of Him at all until thou and thy
priests came here to tell us about
Him But just let Him have food and
me be hungry, and see If won't get
my share. If not, I'll give in that
you're right"
How It Came Out.
The old chroniclers delight in these
dialogues. which are all of piece
with the one printed here. The finale
of the legend is as interesting as IFS
beginning or middle. 1t tells of Os.
SLAMS conversion after he had been
given a glimpse of hell. with Finn and
his warriors fighting the devils for
lack of more fitting foes.
The Lamar register., 1905-03-15
o,,ortunities Overlooked.

81 wonder" said the chimpanze.
"why some human beings are ashamed
to recognize monkeys as our common
ancestors"
"Itss our ancestors fault" answer
e.! the aurang-outang. our ancestors
didn't have the foresight to piilase
cities or acquire real estate when II
was cheap"
The Lamar register., 1905-03-15
Great Advantage.

my husband has great advantage
over most men,"
Indeed"
Eyes. He walks in his sleep.
81 don't see what advantage that
can be to a person.
"why. he can carry the oaDy ai,
night long and still get his natural
rest."-Stray Stories.
The Lamar register., 1905-03-15
DISCOURAGED Youth.

Mother, | can never win the medal
for good behavior" exclaimed BOY
lust in from school; 1--WE tried and
tried. but some other pupil always gets
it."
But you must keep on trying, said
his mother, encouragingly.
Its no use." replied the boy; Il
sha'n't try any more. It's a clean
waste of goodness.
The Lamar register., 1905-03-15
Took Exceptio

"why are you so irritated, old
chap"
cant help it. My wife just
brought some friends in to see the
.cozy corner Said 1t was great
place for mere trifies.'
What of that?'
well, l was sitting in 1t.
The Lamar register., 1905-03-15
Sheep.
GRAIN.

Wheat, choice milling. per 100 lbs.
S1.70. Rye, Colorado. bulk, per 100 lbs.
e0c. Oats bulk. Nebraska, new, white.
s1.10; mixed. sl.07; in sack. Colorado.
white, s1.2O. Corn. in bulk, 92c. Corn
chop. sacked, $1.00. Bran. Colorado.
per 100 lbs, 92kc.
The Lamar register., 1905-03-15

A Colorado experiment station bulle-
tin says: During the season Of 1904
several commercial fertilizers have
been tried extensively to supply the
needed elements for growing early can
taloupes on beet ground. but the re-
suits are so conflicting that conclu-
sion Is not warranted, except that the
use of the fertilizer in and under the
hill at planting time is extremely haz-
ardous.
The Lamar register., 1905-03-15
Ihe MAN Who Huna on After ID

The Man Who Hung on After Forty.
Methuselah chuckled.
"A man past his usefulness at for
ty?" he snickered. What sort of a
figure would | have cut in history II
| had quit at that age?"
Hereupon he sent out cards for his
9OCth birthday party.
The Lamar register., 1905-03-15
Grand Collection,

Sharpe-COme out to our china
tion of souvenirs.
Whealton-Why, every piece of
china is broken and numbered,
Sharpe-Yes. they are souvenirs of
our different cooks.
The Lamar register., 1905-03-15
Soft Snap.

Tired Thomas-I got next to a soft
snap dis mornin'."
Ragged Richard-Wot wuz it."
Tired Thomas-A bulldog wot did
rot have no teeth.
The Lamar register., 1905-03-15
Ideal But impossible.

I'VE can't have everything in this
life" said the philosopher.
NO" answered Mr.. Dustin Stax
THE ideal but impossible combina
ton is millionaire menu with 6
deckhand appetite"
The Lamar register., 1905-03-15
Had His Own Troubles.

Are you an advocate of woman's
rIghts?" asked the woman with the
square chin.
Not me-" answered the meek and
lowly representative of the other sex.
Mans wrongs take up all my spare
time"
The Lamar register., 1905-03-15
Wins in a Walkaway.

"I'll bet l know more women than
you dol"
I'll take the bet. I am acquainted
with all the members of the original
Fiorodora sextet."
81 win. I'm acquainted with Mrs
Hoch."
The Lamar register., 1905-03-15
Lazy.

Don't be so lazy. There's plenty OF
room at the top and you're clever
CROUCH to get there"
But" replied the lazy genius,
think how clever it is of me to find
place at the bottom where there
isn't so much room"
The Lamar register., 1905-03-15
Changed Conditions.

Harry-It was only last week you
were telling what beautiful hair
Bertha had; now you say that most OF
it is false and all of it is bleached.
Harriet know; but ! hadn't got
mad with Bertha last week.
The Lamar register., 1905-03-15
Hay.

Upland per ton. s1O.O0@11.00; SEC
ond bottom. sS.00m9.00; timothy.
S1l.00ml2.O0; timothy and clover.
S1O.OOM1l.O0: alfalfa, prime. s5.500p
ESQ. straw, s3.5Om 400; South Park
wire grass. $13.O0M 14.00.
The Lamar register., 1905-03-15
ALI in the Family.

Chinese spend more than half theii
earnings on gambling?"
What's SO painful about hat:
Other Chinese win it."-Stray Stories
The Lamar register., 1905-03-15
g%IT>>lIjlEI!5;E%&<1l E%<
E%Pl0$IO<S
In the Hammock.

'Ah. dearest, alone at last! No one
can see us save the eyes of the
night"
And they are astigmatized,- re-
piled the young oculist.
Tell me, dear. what are those two
starry orbs yonder!" she asked again.
"Those." said the eye mender, "be-
long to your fathers bulldog. Good
night
The Lamar register., 1905-03-15
Hard Work.

Stinjay-See here. when are You
going to pay me back that dollar you
borrowed?
Borroughs-Why, man alive,
earned that dollar. l had to work
with you for couple of hours before
| got it out of you.
The Lamar register., 1905-03-15
commcrciaIIy Speaking.

Blunderalong-Wh Miss Antike'
ftis is n pleasure! | haven't seen you
for long time. You must pardon me-
but you look 80
Miss Antike-Mr. Blunderalons.
Mr.. Blunderalong-Per cent better
than YOU did the last time l met you.
Judge.
The Lamar register., 1905-03-15
A Stranue Fact.

she-I see there are four times as
many words in the EnRtsh language
as in the French.
He-And yet some women seem
to like to talk French.
The Lamar register., 1905-03-15
Eoroot How II Looked.

"Say. old man." began Bracer. pre-
pairing for a touch, you know that
fiver | borrowed of you last sum-
mer--
"Tm afraid not" interrupted Weiser
suppose you introduce me to 1t
again"
The Lamar register., 1905-03-15
chiva,ry at a Discount.

He-There was run on the bank
was there? You were fortunate TO
get your money out
She-Yes; but l never saw such DIS
courtesy. . There wasn't man onered
me his place on the line.
The Lamar register., 1905-03-15
His Bitter Experience,

coated pill?"
mo. You see, the blamed thing
seems to take its coat OFF before
starting on its trip"
The Lamar register., 1905-03-15
Willing to Earn His Dinner.

Weary Wraggles-Leddy, I'll saw
some wood fer youse If youse'r
gimme some hot grub.
Mrs. Firstfore-But,m my good man,
can't you see this is a fiat? We burn
Only gas.
Weary Wraggles-Den, Teddy, I'll
tCrn on de gas fer youse.
The Lamar register., 1905-03-15
Wanted Particulars.

so you want to marry my daugh-
fer. do you. young man. asked the
gouty father.
"Y-e-s. SIR" stammered the young
man.
How many are there Oh you' SIT
The Lamar register., 1905-03-15
Shuts Out Women.

She-I see in Belgium. when a vot-
er goes to the polls, conversation is
never allowed.
He-Yes; I've understood women
never vote there
The Lamar register., 1905-03-15
insult to Injury.

The preacher-I was surprised to
roo vo,,r husband get up and walk
ont of church while l was preaching.
The wife-Oh, don't think anything
about that! You know he's troubled
with somnambulism.
The Lamar register., 1905-03-15
We Never rhouoht Of 1hls.

How" asked the Sunday school
teacher. was small man like David
ath?"
Cause David understood jiu-jitsr.' -
promptly vociferated up-to-date little
Jimmie Jones.-Philadelphi Bulletin.
The Lamar register., 1905-03-15
Even the Worm viii turn.

Mrs. Peck-I wonder If all men are
such perfect fools as you are.
Henry Peck-I guess not. I'm the
only one that married you
The Lamar register., 1905-03-15
How It Came Out.
Rare Gift for MeGill.

An Irish woman of Belfast has pre-
sented McGill university with two
Oriental papyri discovered in Madras.
India. The papyri are of split palm
and bear Inscriptions still undeciph-
The Lamar register., 1905-03-15
Double Quick Then.

Double Quick Then.
Mrs. Knox-Young Bachelor has
gone through all that fortune in one
year. l hear.
Mr.. knox-I believe so.
Mrs. Knox-Ah! if he had only mar
ried there would be different story
Mr.. Knox-Yes. 1t would only have
lasted six months then.
The Lamar register., 1905-03-15
The Indicate

Clara-Do you think Dick is very
clever?
Helene-You can judge 1or yourseil,
1 went sleighing with MIN last niel'
snd nearly froze.-Detroit Free fress'
The Lamar register., 1905-03-15

'Tis fine to sit wild pipe an hear
Th' songs th't tn childer sing
Th' voice thin is th't shwate an clear;
Th' words how aisy shwins
An NANNY a time, whin they're at their play
There's Terry an Con an Rose
They sing till it carries me far away
9Th Land Where th' Shamrock Crows"
They sing-An' ! wish they cud understand
Th' beauty this in tn song!
I shut me eyes, an see TIL land
be missin' SO long, SO long;
Th' grass, wild tn dew av tn early morn
Th' home-But there's no wan knows
Unless it was there th'the shud be born
Th' land where tn shamrock grows.
Th' shamrock-sure, 'tis th' bits av green
Thts tucked in tn ch iIders hair,
But how shud they know O. TIL times keen
FIR sight o. tn ca bins there?
'Tis fine to sit wild me pipe, an list,
An dhrame till me eyeIids close
An shIape takes me to tn land I've missed
"The Land Where th' Shamrock Grows"
The Lamar register., 1905-03-15
Must Have His Smoke.

Little Margie-Mamma. do you
think grandpa has really gone to hea-
ven?
Mamma Certainly. my dear.
Little Margie-Well. guess he
sneaks out once in while to smoke
his pipe.
The Lamar register., 1905-03-15
Giving Good Authority.

She's not at all vain about her
beauty, although she has good cause
to be-"
THE idea! How do you know
that?"
She told me so herself"
The Lamar register., 1905-03-15
DENVER MARKETS
Cattle.

Comparative Receipts
Month to March 10th. ......... 4,f4O
Same period last year. ......... 1925
Increase. ....... 2,914
Year to date ,512
Same period last year. .26,42l
Increase. S,091
The following quotations represent
the range of prices paid on this mar
ket:
Beef steers, cornfed. good
to choice ...-.........S4 S4.25@4.15
Beef steers. cornfed, COM
mon to medium ....... 3.75Qp4.25
Beef steers. hayfed, good to
choice. .............. 3.75@4.25
Beef steers. hayfed, common
to medium ............ 3.25@3.5O
Cows and heifers, cornfed,
good to choice .......... 3.25Qs.75
Cows and heifers, cornfed
common to medium -. 2.5O@3.25
Cows and heifers. hayfed,
good to choice ....... 3.OOd3.50
Cows and heifers. hayfed.
common to medium ..... 2.25@3.O0
Gamers. ............. 1.25@2.00
Calves. veal, good to choice 4.754 $50
Calves, veal, fair to good. 3.50@4.75
Bulls, stays, etc. ...... l.500D3.0O
Feeders, f. p. r., good to
choice. ................ 3.75Q425
Feeders. f. p. r., common
to medium .............. 3.OO@3.75
Stockers. f. p. r.. good to
choice. .............. 3.35@a.75
Stockers, +. p. r.. common
to medium. ............ 3.OOq3. $50
The Lamar register., 1905-03-15
Limit,
.hink Miss Upperton

He-Dont you think Miss hyperion
is rather selfish?
She-Thats what. Why. they say
she actually wears spikes in her shoes
':hen she attends a bargain sale.
The Lamar register., 1905-03-15
Pay for Hot Air In Advance.

ray TOT rOt MT III VuSdSe'
What is retainer, pop?"
"A retainer. my son, is the money
people pay us lawyers before we 10
any work"
"Oh. l see. It's like those pay gas
meters. The people have to pay te-
fore they get any gas"
The Lamar register., 1905-03-15

1t is claimed that coyotes oat grass
hoppers. How nice it would be IL
grasshoppers ate coyotes
The Lamar register., 1905-03-15
Live Poultry.
Butter.

Elein butter ...... 80
Creameries, extra Colo.... 31m 81
Creameries. eastern ..... Sig "a
Creameries, firsts. Colo.
and eastern. ......... ~
Process and renovated
goods. lb. ........... %
Roll or print. wrapped, Ia
BILE grade. ......... 20
Roll or print, other grades $50 20
Packing stock, fancy ..... %
Packing stock, other grades $50 10
The Lamar register., 1905-03-15
Doubtful Compliment.

Darling" cried the imaginative
swain. your eyes remind me Of bill
lard balls
"Sir!" exclaimed the naughty maid
eE. why do my eyes remind you of
billiard balls?'
Because you c.. roll them so cas-
lily and win with them
The Lamar register., 1905-03-15
Search for a Soul.

Freddy-Papa, has everybody got
a soul?
Papa-I suppose so, Freddy.
Freddy-Well. I'm going to open
my mouth real wide. papa. and | want
YOU to look in and see If I've got one.
The Lamar register., 1905-03-15
From a woman's Viewpoint.

From Woman's Viewpoint.
Mr.. Crimsonbeak-I like to see
man act natural.
Mrs. Crimsonbeak-Well. I don't.
bate to see a man make a fool of him
self.
The Lamar register., 1905-03-15
lust Broke Even.

Won Blumer-while l was watching
the ticker some stock | bought went
up twenty points in an hour.
Dimpleton-So you made DIG
money.
No. I came out even. My wife
was at her dressmaker's at the same
tiue."-Life.
The Lamar register., 1905-03-15
Not Assumed Importance.

Don't you think that wealth is as
Stunning too much importance?"
my dear SIR answered Dustin
Stax, wealth does not assume I'M
pcrtance. It's Importance is almost
entirely. due to the vast respect in
which it is held by the people who
haven't it,"
The Lamar register., 1905-03-15
Had a Tobacco heart.n

Church, see a man in Connect
cut town has been sued for breach of
promise by two women. one living in
Havana. Cuba, and the other in his
own state.
Gotham-That fellow must have
tobacco heart, with a Havana filler
and Connecticut wrapper.
The Meeker herald., 1905-10-07

to defend II B Inprec c.................x 25 Co
I Ryan, special prosecuting atty 25 90
-" 25 0o
:. 25 20
Thomas Shervin, county court cost. 20
Jnmes G Gentry, district attorney. I6j 20
Thomns Shervin, services ns janitor 30 %
james LytUe, printing and publishing 81 20
Colo Stnge and Transportation CO.. Is
\ oldland IL Co, supplies s............-.-.---- 2l %
w Hugus 6 Company, supplies. 81 u
Strehlke Brothers, supplies - o Is
Mce!ser Electric Light company-..-. 20
Home Building d Security Co, rent $50 90
" rent, Jury co
Henry l. Dcnnison. steuogrnpher 40 co
...... 30 %
i" 's g - 5 90
Ezekiel Allen, Jurors certificate ID %
II II Berg, - .....-... 20 %
W Barnes, F." .. % O.
f. Il Sanderson, justice COSTS - so
Olaf Holtnn, witness ess.....-.....-........-. 10 CO
The Meeker herald., 1905-10-07

On motion, the following tax levies
were made for the taxes of the year
The Meeker herald., 1905-10-07
Notice OF Special Election for Voting on
Water Works and Bonds.
STATE OF COLORADO
COUNTY OF RIO BLANco, IS.


Town OF MHEKEn,
Pursuant to the laws of Colorado and Or
dinnnce No. ~ OF said Town OF Meeker,
NOTICE IS HEREBY GIVEN that II spc-
cinI election will be held at the Dist trict
Court Room in the Town of Meeker, Colo
RADIO, on
Tuesday, the 18th day Of October, A. D. 1905,
beg inning at the hour of seven O'Clock n. IN.
and closing Mt the hour of seven O'Clock p.
IN. Of snid day, for the purpose OF voting up
on the following question:, to-wit:
VIII the voters of the Town of
Meeker, Colorado, who are taxpayers
under the law, approve the erection
by tho Board OF Trustees of the said
Town, of Water Works for fire md
domestic purposes to be owned, main
tained and opernted by said Town,
the funds for which construction are
to be raised by the issuance of the ne
gotiable coupon bonds of the snid
Town in an amount not exceeding
sixty Thousand Dollars.
All persons who at the time of said elec-
tion nre voters OF the said Town of Meeker
and nre taxpayers under the law, and no
others, shull be qualified to vote Mt snid
election. All Of such qualified voters who
approve the erection OF said Water Works
and the Issuance Of said bonds shnll vote by
ballot on which are written or printed the
words "For the Erection OF the Water
vote by ballot on which are written or
printed the words against the Erection OF
the Water Works"
Dated this 3oth dny of September, A. d.
1865. j. a. BLAIR.
ITowS sEALl Town Clerk and Recorder.
The Meeker herald., 1905-10-07
Hunting Guides.

From deer season on, we will be
prepared to take parties out for any
kind of game. Have the only pack
of trained dogs in the county. ID. w.
Black, j. NJ. CLARK and Sam Ray.
For prices address ID. w. Black d
Co., Meeker, Colorado.
The Meeker herald., 1905-10-07

A Chicago dispatch says the west
ern railroads are Mt the mercy of the
beef trust. This is the gist of the
testimony given by the president of
the Santa Fe ut the hearing in the
The Meeker herald., 1905-10-07

A report comes from Rangely that
Chairman Il .ctor was prevented from
attending the late meeting of the
board of county commissioners on
account of the serious illness of Mis-.
Rector.
The Meeker herald., 1905-10-07

The supreme court of the state has
reafirmed the validity of the flat
tax law. The smelter trust Ohe
Guggenheims) are going to take the
case to the United States supreme
court,
The Meeker herald., 1905-10-07
Notice.

Notice is hereby given that 1 will
no longer pay any debts contracted
by my wife Margaret b. Moog.
j. ID. MoOG.
The Meeker herald., 1905-10-07

The day of rest is never better for
making it q day Of rust.
The Meeker herald., 1905-10-07

Enough is rs good as feast; moro
, leads but TO famine.
The Meeker herald., 1905-10-07

Ranch and cattle in Powell park
for sale-either for cash or part cash
and balance in easy payments. Ap-
ply at this Office. ts23-oD