The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-06-09


And think me boOrish if I dare.
Chicago Record-HeraId.
HUM0R OF THE DAY
Tardy Husband-Wen, y'know m'dear,
truth is stranger than fiction.
Tired Wife-I'm willing to admit, sir.
that you have made me better acquainted
with hctlon.-Princeton Tiger
He-You women are queer. For instance.
a girl cries when she's getting married.
as II she We're losing husband instead of
getting one.
she--Yes; but she's losing a Iover.-Phn-
Dear Pop wrote the boy from the art
school, don't send me any more money
last month
Come home,' wired the old man; you
Will never make an artist. Puck.
Jorgins-I don't know how to thank you
for this timely loan. It seems as il 1
could never properly repay YOU
,,. Jsaggins-say: if you'd talked that way
have got it.-Cleveland Leader.
The City Mani wonder why stores in
the city won't deliver an order of goods
more than IS?
The Suburban Mani guess they know
that any suburbanite can carry IS worth
of stuff.-Harrisburg Telegraph.
IT should think" remarked the kind la
dy who had just staked the husky hobo
to a hand-out, that strong, healthy
looking man like you would be at work
An I would be but for one ting, lady
replied the weary traveller. TT keeps me
amt got no time fer work. Chicago Dali
ly News
Jerome-How do you feel about ances-
Jerry-I hate EN-; my frivolous French
grandfather keeps leading me on, and my
| steady Dutch grandfather keeps holding
me in--Life.
man, somewhat bitterly, TO have a closed
| season for duck hunting and deer hunting,
1 but what we really need is a closed sea-
son for bargain hunting. ''-Woman's
Home Companion.
Gerald wonder whether I shall be
numbered with the sheep or the goats on
the day of judgment!
Geraldine-Wen, you are always butting
| in.-Judse.
"A considerable demonstration of an
prevail greeted the fall of the CURTAIN
How are we to take this?-London Punch.
| Jephtha had just vowed to sacrifice the
first object that met him on his return
from battle. I hope it's my mother-iT-
| thought, he rushed bravely into the fray.
i Columbia Jester.
your husband has a wonderful intel
lect anyhow" said the soothing relative
yes" answered the woman who tells
her troubles; ''he is one of those men who
insist on worrying about the treasury de-
felt instead of the grocery bill. WASH
ington Star.
Because she swooned and softly fell
Into his arms, though slight acquainted,
The envious maidens round declared
She did not faint but merely feintedi
-Browning's Magazine.
Lady of the House (to tramp)-shocking
A man Of your age begging a dime, which
you would scuander for rum! Why, you
Tramp (rneekly)-Past sixty, ma am, and
want dime to buy chloroform with
Browning's Magazine.
: ''Yaas." said ChoIIy. I'm going in for
thaing. They're such manly sports, don't
The dear exclaimed Miss Sharpe,
; you?'-Philadelphia Ledger.
Il do hate to. see women standing Up
'0h, xsOW know"
: What DO you knoW?"
Why you always shut your eyes and go
| Cleveland Leader.
You needn't tell me-" observed Uncle
Allen Sparks, that three-fourths Of all
the misery and crime is caused by whisky:
drink it."-Chicago Tribune.
The vicar-How. is it that some members
of the choir sing SO much worse than tho
. | others?
The Choir 1laster-Im sure I don't
Washington Life
Honesty" said the man who is earnest
but not original, lis the best policy"
1T may be the best policy answered
Senator Sorghum, s'but you can't convince
hat he mol I~e w "a lfT1e-
ton Star.
LandIord-You paid no rent last month.
sir; I suppose you're aware of thati
Tenant-No. Well I suppose you'll hold
me to the agreement?
L.andlord-Agreenlent What agreement2
Tenant-Well when rented the fat you
said I must pay in advance or not at ALL
judy.
Look here" said Gunner, who had or
dered the fourth round at the club, II am
tired of treating you. Why don't you spend
something occasionally"
my dear man yawned Guyer. Il
Like lord! Why, you haven't spent
cent in six months"
Neither have great many. lords who
News.
1.-THE. automobile has not accomplished
much in actual business" said the utili-
'Oh. yes. it has. It has. helped accident
Star.
Nan-I don't see why Miss Afugley
should want to marry him. with all her
| money.
DickI guess she had to. don't believe
| he'd have taken her without it.-Philadel-
| phia. Press.
REFLECTIONS OF a BACHELOR
LF'rom the New York Press.1
Picking a wife is guesswork till