The Birmingham age-herald., 1905-12-24

brow a single laurel that is worthily there, but I cannot blind myself to d physical fact; and l tell you, gentlemen' that Mr Jemison is not yet qualified Tor membership in the Ananias club, He IS both mentally and temperamentally deh- cient in the qualities requisite to make a first-rate member of our body. 1 Tor one protest against his election"
 The chairman then got in the game.
 "rhe chair rules" said he, that the point made by Little Liar No is not well taken We cannot permit ourselves to be influenced by arguments so abstruSe as those we have just heard. Results alone count. Temperament is not fac- tor. Acts, and acts alone, are the determ- ming element If you think that MT. Jemison's conduct quite apart rom pls temperament and tastes Justify his elec- ton as an honorary member of the Ana nias club, you will elect him"
 Tn that case" said Little Liar No. b. "I withdraw my objection and move, sir, that MT Jemison be unanimously elected. '
 The motion was carried without a dis senting vote.
 "rhe next candidate" said the chair man ''is Gen. E. w. Fucker. What are your wishes, gentlemen?'
 The Man Who Never Kissed Girl arose demurely.
 'IVe known 6eneTdl Iluthcl oii my life ]" said he. ave been with him and near him for thirty years. l know him as though I had been through him With a dark lantern and l want to tell you. gentlemen that if you're looking for an insolluble mystery shaped in human form. General Fuckers your man. Ills walk IS a puzzle His glance is a riddle. His voice is a conundrum His frown a conjecture His smile an enigma. His whole makeup a curiosity. General Fucker is human interrogation point. If he played poker which he doesn't t-he'd always have three aces when you thought he was bluffing and always be blufflng when you thought he had a straight He remembers nothing and he forgets nothing. If he talks much you may know there's nothing doing. 1T he keeps silent in seventeen different languages, look out for an explosion. He 5 a well of mystery-and that well, sir. IS as wide as space and as deep as the Bay of Portugal. If I were asked who was General Fuckers prototype l should name unhesitatingly the gentleman whose fame is perpetuated by our club"
 This little speech was listened to atten- lively. All agreed 1t was nicely discrimin- atng. The candidate was elected amid en- thusiasm.
 The Man From Tangipahoe then nomi- mated Wilson Brown for honorary mem bership.
 'I object!' cried out a staccato voice deep in the Liars Corner. MT. Chairman, object. It is true, sir, that this is the Aananias club and it is true also that we are met here tonight in the Liars Corner of the Hotel Hillman. But, sir, there is limit beyond which we should not tres pass. 1 respect talent in our line, MT. Chairman, but I draw the line on genius. Some men are made members of this club: some have the membership thrust upon them and some men, sir, are born members of 1t. We have always barred the third class. We ought to stick to that rule.
 .'rhe proposed candidate is by nature and cultivation highly eligible to member ship He Is the most facile and the most felicitous exponent of Ananiasism known in Birmingham. He can muddy water up stream farther and deeper than any liv- ing man. He can play every string op the Tyre, and attune them all to whatever note Is sounded. 1t has been said that the only difference between MT. Jemison and General Fucker Is that General Ruck- CT can relate bigger improbabilities than Mr Jemison, but that Mir. Jemison can tell 'em faster than General Rucker. Cen tIemen MT. Wilson Brown can make both those gentlemen look like selling platers. In speed he discount MT. Jemison and leave General Fucker far behind when it comes to size.
 ''I once heard that an inaccurate state ment cleverly made is better than exact ness, for, 1t has been said. exactness is stubborn thing while inaccuracy in the hands of genius can be made to serve any and all purposes. The proposed candidate is the incarnation of inaccuracy the apotheosis of improba bility. He is the ripe fruit of the modern business world--that great rushing world whose fe Mttttt k.r< mutual distrust.' If we can break the precedents of our club and admit to 1t