Valentine Democrat. (Valentine, Neb.) 1900-1930, 1905-07-27

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us she sentimental?" Very! She
will even weep over her old divorce
pers."-Judge.
Hewitt-HOw many meals did you
have on the voyage. Jewett-Gross or
net?-Brooklyn Life.
1T seems Woody has discovered
that he has family tree" Yes, it's
an Outgrowth of his successful bust.
ness plant"
80 the lawyers got most all the
estate. Did Ethel get anything"
"Oh, yes. She got one Of the law.
yers. "-Judge.
Employer Ito new office boy)-Has
the cashier told you what you are to
do this afternoon. Office boy-Yes,
sir; I'm to wake him when see you
| coming.-Scraps.
Magistrate-You say your machine
was beyond your control. Chauffeur
Yes, your honor. If could have con-
trolled it the cop wouldn't have caught
me.-New York Mail.
Poet-I see you accepted one of my
poems and refused the other. Editor
Yes; | took one of them out of SYM
pathy for you, and refused the other
out of sympathy for the public-Ex.
George certainly is a man of ac-
ton" What has he done?" "Why,
the very next day after the heiress
accepted him he gave up his job at
the bank and joined the Don't Worry
Club"
You'll take 4 couple of tickets, of
course. We're getting up rattle for
a poor cripple in our neighborhOOd-"
None for me, thank you. l wouldn't
know what to do with poor cripple
if 1 Won him"
WELL" asked the architect who had
been commissioned to make a set of
plans for New York hotel, "hOw do
you like them:" They won't do.
You have provided for only six differ
ent kinds of dinlng-rooms" FIX.
Kind lady-You can get work beat
ing carpets two doors from here-they
are cleaning house. Homeless Holmes
Thanks, mum. l mighter bumped
right inter it if youse hadn't warned
me. III steer clear Of it, mum-Cleve-
land Leader.
Jones Ito Brown, who has been re-
iating his wonderful adventures In
Russia)-And 1 suppose you visited
the great steppes of Russia? Brown
1 should rather think so. And walked
up every blessed one of them on my
hands and knees.
Office boy-Miss Keyes, please let
me look at your face? Miss Keyes-
What for? Office boy-Why, the boss
said some of the paint was scratched
off his typewriter. I didn't know
whether he meant you or the ma
News.
The three-year-old daughter of a
leading minister resents too great |
familiarity. A few evenings ago,
though she seemed a little unwilling,
a caller took her upon his lap, where
upon she said with great gravity: Il
WanC 10 Slt Ill LILY OWN zap.
Mabel mot in her first youth)-First
of all he held my hand and told my
fortune; and then, EVE, he gazed into
my face ever so long and said he could
read my thoughts! Wasn't that clever
of him, dear? Evie-Oh, 1 suppose he
read between the lines, darling
Punch.
"What did you discuss at your IL
brary club this afternoon, dear?"
asked the husband in the evening.
Let me see," murmured his wife;
'Oh, yes, l remember now. Why, we
discussed that woman who recently
moved into the house across the street,
md Longfellow."-Ex.
Pausing uncertainty before desk
n the big insurance office, the Hiber
han visitor said to the clerk: ''Oi
want to TEX out a pawlicy.' Life,
Ire or mariner" drawled the dapper
Jerk with infinite sarcasm. "Al three
Dim thinkin'," retorted the applicant;
'Ofm goin' fer stoker in tn navy"
Puck
Mrs. Younglove-Our cook says
hose eggs you sent yesterday were
ncient Grocer-Very sorry, ma'am.
they were the best we could get. You
ee, all the young chickens were killed
,ff for the holiday trade, so the old
lens are the only ones left to do the
ayin'. Mrs. Younglove-Oh, to be
ure. OF course. l hadn't thought Of
hat.-Chcago Record Herald.
From Appearances.
When the six-year-old son was
aken in to see the new baby, saws the