davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1905-02-16
CAUGHT IN THE CURRENT.

1t is estimated that Denver will bs
called upon to entertain between 20, 900
and 10000 people on the occasion of the
seventh international convention of the
Epworth League, which is to be held
July SO, 1905.
The charge for wireless messages to
ships in the Atlantic from any postal
telegraph office in the British isles will
be six and one-half pence a word, and a
minimum charge of six shillings and
six pence. kilograms can be addressed
like this: Zones, Lucania, Atlantic"
Jealous Of what he thought undue
favor to another employe, Hugo Heck
elsmuller, an oiler in the works of the
United Railways Of San Francisco, be-
gan putting sand in the machinery jour-
nal boxes of the power house machin-
cry. He was caught when he had done
damage to the amount Of $40, 900.
After emigrating to New York and
waiting in vain for her son Morris and
his friend Benjamin Harrison to for
ward $35 worth of her property, as ar
ranged, Mrs, Bessie Driver; a Jewess,
returned to London to prosecute them
for theft. She succeeded in having her
son sent to prison for six months.
The steel bridge over the Pecos river,
Texas, is a marvel of mechanical skill
Ali extreme simplicity Of construction.
1T Is considerably more than 300 feet in
height and is 2,1SO feet long, yet 1t is
supported by stone pillars so small that
1t seems incredible to a beholder that
they can sustain the enormous weight
of passing trains, which invariably stop
on the bridge to allow passengers to
view the structure and the bleak, DESC
late surroundings.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1905-02-16

holes, slammed it on the counter beside
the groceryman's legs and yelled:
Wake up, Rip Van Wrinkle, the day
of judgment has come, and you are
still buried. You got to get a move on
you or the procession will go off and
leave you. Say, are you afraid of rat
tlesnakes, and the bad boy shook the
paper box when an ominous rattle
came from within, as though a snake
had shaken its tail good and plenty.
"Great Scott, boy, | believe you have
got a rattlesnake in that box" and he
jumped off the counter and grabbed
an iron fire poker, while the boy got
out his knife to cut the string on the
box. "Now, lookahere, l am suffering
from nervous %prostration and a snake
turned loose in this store would settle
1t with me. I am at your mercy, but
by the holy smoke, if | am bitten by
that snake | will kill you and your old
snake. Now, take that box out of
here" and the old man picked up a
Ratchet and got behind a barrel.
well, wouldn't that skin you" said
the boy, as he sharpened his knife on
a piece of old cheese, and felt of the
edge. Here you have been telling
me for years what a brave man you
were and how you were not afraid of
anything that wore hair, and now you
have fits because a little five-foot rat
tlesnake, with only ten rattles on,
makes a formal call on you. Gee, but
you are a squaw. Why, there is no
danger in the bite of a rattlesnake,
since science has taken the matter up.
All you got to do, when a snake bites
you. and you begin to turn black, is
to drink a couple of quarts of whisky
and bind a poultice of limberger cheese
on the wound, and go to bed for a week
or ten days, and o come out all
right" and the bad boy began to cut
the string.
Nov, let up until I wait on these
customers said the old man, as he
went to the toor and let in a commit
tee of women who were to buy some
supplies for a church sociable. The
women lined up on each side of the
store, looking at the canned things on
the shelves, and the old man was try
ing to be polite, when the bad boy
opened the Dor: and laid on the floor
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1905-02-16

BY HON. GEORGE w. PECK.
(Ex-Goyernor of Wisconsin, formerly pub
Usher oESPeck's Sum- author of "Peck's
Bad Boy" etc.)
Copyright, 1904, by Joseph B. Bowles.)
THE old groceryman was sitting on
p the counter, with his legs stretched
lengthwise, his heels resting on a sack
of flour, and his back against a pile OF
wrapping paper, his eyes closed, his
pipe gone out, and the ashes sitting
from 1t on the cat that was asleep in
his lap. He was waiting for a Gus
toner to come in and buy something
to start the days business. He had
sprinkled the floor, and swept the dirt
up in a corner and he was sleepy.
There was a crash in front of the store
a barrel Of ak handles and garden tools
had been tipped over on the sidewalk,
the door opened with a jerk and closed
with a slam, and the bad boy came in
with q long paper box, perforated with
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1905-02-16
SPEAKERS %PREDIcAMENT.
Couldn't Shake with His Right Hand
Because It Was Performing
Important Service.

One of the big New York magazines re-
Gently sent a representative to Washing
ton to induce Speaker Cannon to write
a series of articles on congressional af-
fairs, says a Washington letter to the
New York American. As the speaker left
his seat for his closkroom, where the
magazine man was waiting, one of the
ends of his suspenders broke in twain.
He gave his left hand to his caller, while
holding up his trousers with the other,
and asked, dryly and seriously:
Say, you don't happen to be toting an
extra pair of ~galluses around in your
pockets, be YOU"
The magazine man didn't. and he said
so. Then they both sat down and the
speaker was told what was wanted of
him..
mo, sir" he said. II haven't the time,
and if | did have it | am neither a litter,
attatorium nor a journalisticum. Sorry"
and the interview cam to a close. Then
the speaker borrowed a pin, and, resum-
ing, his chair, raped softly with his gavel
and said: THE house viii please be in
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1905-02-16
EUROPEAN ODDITIES.

On a burglar arrested in Paris the TO-
lice found a beautifully executed picture
in water colors OF the house he had
robbed.
The Liverpool police have stopped
the practice-common thereof can
wasting for the sale of collins at houses
where a death has taken place.
1t was mentioned in a London police
court the other day that burglars In a
jewelry store tested watches. In order
to tell good from cheap ones, by throw
ing them on the floor.
A turner's workshop, with large mo-
tive wheel and dog trained to turn 1t, is
advertised to be let in the city of Liege,
where one-dog and two-dog tilted carts
and wagons are common.
Married eight years, a German named
Drew has seven sons, all of whom he
has pledged to the German army. The
kaiser has written him a letter strong
ly commencing his patriotism.
A London court has decided that any,
body may call himself a retired gem
tleman," without being accused of false
pretenses. The decision was in the case
of a vegetable dealer who had borrowed
80 cents as a retired gentleman"
The vicar of Burgess Hill, England,
that when confetti is thrown
on the occasion of weddings at his
church an addition of SLIPS will be made
IN the usual wedding fee tn nav for
the trouble Of cleaning the paper away.
Afock Of a thousand wild geese alight-
ed at Nagy-Becskerek, in Hungary, and
could fly no further. 1t is supposed that
the birds suddenly passed from a moist
into a very cold layer of atmosphere,
and their feathers became coated with
ice.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1905-02-16

shake the ~rattles, and laugh at the gro
ceryman and the policeman and the
crowd that had collected in front Of
the store. The policeman came in
laughing, and the old groceryman
crawled out of the show window, and
all breathed free again, and finally the
policeman went out and drove the
crowd away, and went IN his beat
again, after shaking his club at the
boy, and the boy, the groceryman, the
snake and the cat remained in the
store. The groceryman took a swig
out of a bottle of whisky to settle his
nerve, and the boy took up his snake
and pushed it towards the cat, which
ran up a step ladder and yowled.
Put that COMPOUNDED old stuffed snake
in the ice box and sit down here and
and tell me something. I say your
father on the street yesterday, and he
is a sight. His stomach is twice as big
as it was, and he looks troubled, What
has got into him?"
well, I'll tell you; dad has got what
they call a morbid appetite. Whatever
you do, old skate, don't you eve get
a morbid appetite"
What is a morbid appetizer" asked
the old man, as he peeled a banana and
began to eat il. 81 can always eat
anything that is not tied down, but I
don't know about this morbid bust
ness"
Scientists say a morbid appetite is
one that don't know when it has got
enough. Dad likes good things, but he
wants all there is on the table. Now,
at New Orleans, before we came home,
dad and | went in a restaurant to get
some oysters, and you know the oys-
tiers there are the biggest in the world.
When we got there dad was hungry,
and the thought Of raw oysters on the
half shell made him morbid. He had a
blue-point appetite, and ordered four
dozen on the half shell, for himself,
and one dozen fer me. Well, you
would have dropped dead in your
tracks if you had been there. Six
walters brought on the five dozen oys-
tiers, and each oyster was as big as a
pie plate. Six dozen oysters would
cover this floor from the door to the
icebox. Dad almost tainted when he
saw them, but his pride vas at stake
and he made up his mind if he didn't
eat them all the walters would think
| he was a tenderfoot and so he started
in. The first oyster was as big as a
calf's liver, and nobody but a sword
s%wallower could ever have got 1t down.
Dad cut one oyster into quarters ant
got away with it, and after awhile he
murdered another, and after he had
eaten three he wanted to go home and
leave them. Then is the time his little
boy got in his work. L told dad if he
didn't eat all the oysters the walters
and the people would mob him, that it
was a deadly offense to order oysters
and not eat them, and that they would
probably kill us both before we got out
of the place. He said: 'Hennery, l
don't like oysters like I used to, and ii
seems to me | couldn't eat another one
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1905-02-16
READS THE BOOK.
"The Road to MELVILLE" Pointed the
Way.

Down at Hot Springs, Ark, the Wis
itors have all sorts of complaints, but
1t is a subject Of remark that the great
majority of them have some trouble
with stomach and bowels. This may
be partly attributed to the heavy med
icines.
Naturally, under the conditions, the
question Of food is very prominent. +
A young man states that he lad suf-
fered for nine years from stomach and
bowel trouble, had two operations
which did not cure, and was at last
threatened with appendicitis.
He went to Hot Springs for rheum-
atism, and his stomach trouble got
worse. One day at breakfast the wait
err, knowing his condition, suggested
he try Grape-Nuts and cream, which
he did, and found the food agreed with
him perfectly.
After the second day he began to
sleep peacefully at night, different than
he lad for years. The perfect diges-
ton of the food quieted his nervous
system and made sleep possible.
He says: "The next morning was
astonished to find my condition Of con-
stipation had disappeared. I could not
believe it true after suffering for so
many years; then | took more inter-
est in the food, read the little book
THE Road to Wellville,' and started
following the simple directions.
II have met with such results that
In the last five weeks / have gained
eight pounds in spite Of hot baths
which take away the flesh from any
one.
"A friend of mine has been entirely
cured of a bad case of indigestion and
stomach trouble by using Grape-Nuts
Food and cream alone for breakfast.
"There is one thing in particular
I have noticed a great change In my
mental condition. Formerly / could
hardly remember anything, and now
the mind seems unusually acute and
retentive. I can memorize practically
anything I DESIRE" Name given by
Postum Co.. Battle Creek, Mich.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1905-02-16
WAS CURED RAPIDLY
RHEUMATISM IN W SEVERE GASES
MASTERED IN FEW WEEKS.


The Remedy Used by Mr.. schroeppel and
by Captain Balfour in Great Demandi
Vicinity of Their Homes.
In the winter Of 1902-3 Mr. Schroeppel
was confined to his bed by a severe at.
tack Of rheumatism. His doctors treat
ment proved unsuccessful, but he subse-
quently regained his health by means
which he describes with great enthu-
siasm.
CATER five or six weeks of helpless
ness and PAIN" said he, "during which
I was receiving regular visits from the
doctor, I felt as bad as ever. Just hen
my mother, a woman eighty years of
age, paid me a visit. She had received
great benefit from DR.. Williams Pink
Pills, and she was confident they would
help me. At her solicitation / gave up
the doctors treatment and took the pills
in its place"
"And were you cured as the result of
taking her advice?"
eyes, quickly and thoroughly. Be-
fore the second box was finished I felt
very manifest improvement, and within
two weeks I was able to leavem bed land
take up my neglected farm work. / con.
tinued to use the pills, however, until
eight boxes had been taken, although
long before that I felt that every YES
tige of the disease had been eradicated.
care there no traces left?"
absolutely none For a year and
three months there has never been the
slightest return Of the old trouble. For
this happy result Iaud my family freely
praise DR.. Williams Pink Pills"
Within the bounds of China township,
st. Clair county, Mich, there is no bet
ter known farmer than Mr.. Henry
Schroeppel. His cure has therefore nat
urally attracted a great deal Of attention.
One Of Mr.. Schroeppel's neighbors, Cap
tain George Balfour, after hearing Of the
salutary results in Mr.. Sc%hroeppel's case,
decided to try DR.. Williams Pink Pills
for an attack Of rheumatism from which
he was himself suffering. He took eight
or ten boxes and now declares himself
free from the painful ailment."
It is little wonder that DR.. Williams
Pink Pills are muchi in favor in the com
munity where Mr. ~Schroeppel and Cap
tain Balfour are so we'll and favorably
known. They are sold by all druggists
and are equally successful in curing
neuralgia, sciatica and partial paralysis.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1905-02-16
Uniform for Church.

OF all the impracticable suggestions
ever made by man as to what woman
Should or should not do one of the most
amusing is that recently made by an
English writer for all churchgoers to
wear a uniform costume, in order to
eliminate the element of snobbery from
the exercise of religious duties. How
long would it take a modern ingenious
dressmaker to evolve an expensive and
distinctive style of sackcloth coats?
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1905-02-16
Life on the Moon?

Prof. Max Maushofer, of the Univer-
sity OF Berlin, believes that life, ami
NAL and vegetable, is not extinct On
the noon. Water probably exists I'M
foreground, and the last of the Selenites
may dwell in pits, craters and caverns
ny or move by means of wings anG
live upon worms, They dare not face
the sunlight as We do, and their eyes
are like those of bats or owls. 1t would
be interesting to know their ideas
ABOUT ourselves.-London Globe.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1905-02-16
The Too Careful Eater.

When we see an otherwise sensible
maj take for his entire luncheon day
after day that which would not salts
~ a cat, those of us who are under
the impression that the organs of the
body were made to work, and not to
loaf, are apt 10 reflect that many
mel do a deal of worrying over things
that nature is perfectly competent to
take care of.-N. Y. Medical Journal.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1905-02-16

"BY THE GREAT HORN SPOONS,
WILL EAT EVERY OYSTER IN THE
HOUSE."
a stuffed rattlesnake that was as nat
ural as life, and touched a rattIebox
in his pocket, and the trouble began.
The women saw the snake curled up,
ready to spring, and they all went
through the door at once, tipping over
everything that was loose, and scream
ing, while the old man, when he saw
the snake, got into the front show win
dow and trembled and yelled for the
police. A policeman rushed into the
store, and when he saw the snake he
backed out Of the door, and the bad
boy sat down on a box and began to
eat some raisins out of a box, as though
he was not particularly interested in
the commotion.
ARREST that boy with the snake,
said the groceryman.
Come out of that wild your menag-
erie" said the policeman, shaking his
his club.
Come In and get the snake II you
want It," said the boy. Il don't want
1t any more, anyway and he took the
stuffed snake up by the head and
laid It across his lap. and began to
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1905-02-16
Life's True Wealth.

The only wealth is life; the only way
to make the best Of this world is to
make the best Of the other. For the
two are one. The highest CLEANS ever
through this lower. The pilgrim to
the better country is the man who,
living or dying, knows the bliss OF
perpetual YOUTH. Briefly.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1905-02-16
IT'S THE TERROR
OF ALL WOMEN.
Backache Quickly Cured by Dodd's
Kidney Pfils-Mrs. w. H.. Ambrose
Tells How Her Pains Vanished
Never to Return When She
Used the Great American
Kidney Remedy.

Dover, Ky, Feb. l3th.-(Special)-So
long has Backache been the terror Of the
women of America that the numerous re-
ports of the complete and permanent cures
Of this ailment now being made by Dodd's
Kidney Pills are causing wide ~satisfac-
ton, and not the least remarkable of
these cures is that of Mrs. w. II. Am.
brose of this place. Mrs. Ambrose says:
/ could hardly move and other symptoms
showed that my kidneys were affected.
One box of Dodd's Kidney Pills drove
away all the pains and | have never been
troubled since"
Backache is the kidneys first notice
that they are out of order and need help.
Il they get that help in the form of
Dodd's Kidney Pills all will be well. Ii
they are neglected the disease may de.
yelop into Diabetes, Bright's Disease or
Rheumatism.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1905-02-16
Russian "Babists.' -

At a recent meeting of the Imperial
Geographical society at Weadikawkas,
Russia, the explorer Arakelyani made
some interesting statements about the
religious sect Of the Babists. This
Mohammedan organization was found
ed in 1874 by the Persian Mirsa Ali
Mohammed, and now numbers about
100000 members.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1905-02-16
o o

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THESE YIELDS?
,12O bu. Beardless Barley per acre.
80 bu. Salzer's New National Oats per A.
80 bu: Salzer Speltz and Macaroni Wheat.
1000 bu. Pedigree Potatoes per acre.
IA tons of rich Billion Dollar Grass Hay
10000 lbs. Victoria Rape for ~sheep-per A,
1906 Q lbs. Teosinte, the fodder wonder
$4,000 lbs. Salzer's Superior Fodder Corn
rich, juicy fodder, per A.
Now such yields you can have in 1905
if you will plant my seeds.
JUST SEND THIS NOTICE AND 100
in stamps to John A. Salzer Seed Co., LIE
Crosse, Wis, and receive their great cata.
log and lots of farm seed samples. TX. L.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1905-02-16
Working on Bumps.

rs your husband at home, madam
asked the caller at the door.
'Sure and he's not" said the big,
red-faced woman who had opened the
door.
You see, madam, l am a travelling
phrenologist, and I'd like to examine
the bumps on your husbands head"
You're too late. We did have a bit
OF an argument this morning, and my
husbands gone down to the doctors
to have him examine them."-Yonkers
Statesman.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1905-02-16
Plantation Flour.

Banaharina the new flour of fine
quality from the plantain, is reported
to have proven an agreeable and
healthful food. In Venezuela, where it
seems to be gaining favor, it is espe-
cially recommended as a nutritious
food for children and invalids. =.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1905-02-16

Solomon declared that there was moth.
ing new under the sun. but Nahum, the
Elkoshite, evidently foresaw the auto
mobile when he wrote: "Chariots shall
rage in the streets; they shall jostle one
against another in the broad ways; they
shall seem like torches; they shall run
like the lightnings. Boston Globe.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1905-02-16
Diamond Drill Work.

1t is calculated that when every
precaution has been taken, a diamond
drill working in rock of average hard
ness will near away about one carat
for every Is feet bored.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1905-02-16
Medicinal.

Carrots may be advantageously eaten
by those with a tendency to govt. Gel
cry is said to be excellent for those
afflicted with rheumatism, as it con-
tains so much sulphur.-Detroit Free
Press.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1905-02-16
A Little Slow.

Far eastern punctuality was illus
trated the other day by the viceroy of
WI Chang, China. who had an ap-
pointment to review 5000 school chill
dren at s a. m. and appeared, smiling,
on the review ground at 2 p. m. The
children had waited for him six hours.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1905-02-16
CRYING Need.

When a man in Holland wants the police
to stop an automobile that is going too
%fast-if anything goes fast in Holland
the machine is away across the border
before be has finished the sentence, for the
name of the automobile in Dutch is SMELL
paareloosz oondse
There ought to be a cry smong the auto
bubble owners of: Stop the language!"-
Brooklyn Eagle.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1905-02-16
Money! Difficulties.

Canadians who travel in the United
States and Americans who travel in
Canada alike complain of the embar-
easements incident to the different
money issues of the two countries.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1905-02-16
Malicious Runlor.

The absurd tale that Lady Hopton
Woods pretty little Manx cat was suf-
fering from diseased liver has no foun-
dation in fact, The liver was perfectly
good, and similar to that usually sup
plied.-London Punch.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1905-02-16
The Undeveloped South.

The south is practically a new coun.
try in its agriculture. Scarcely one-
fourth Of it's arabic lands are in cul.
tivation.- Southern Farm Magazine.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1905-02-16

A. Guaranteed Cure for Piles.
itching, Blind, Bleeding or ProtrudingP Piles.
Your druggist will refund money If PAzo
OINTMENT Fails to cure in 6 to IA days. SOC.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1905-02-16

Criticism hurts some people so much
that the only thing that s~ustains them is
the absolute knowledge that they are al.
ways right.-Puck,
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1905-02-16

So named because 50 acres produced SO
heavily, that its proceeds built a lovely
home. See Salzer's catalog. Yielded in
Ind. l57 bu., Ohio 100 bu., Tenn. 1893 bu.,
and in Mich. 200 bu. per acre. You can
beat this record in 1905.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1905-02-16

A number OF w~ater-wagon passengers
are already using their transfers.-Mil
waukee Sentinel.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1905-02-16

People who never f1atter themselves are
in little danger Of being spoiled by flat
tery.-Puck.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1905-02-16

Lydia E. Pinkham's Vegetable Compound Succeeds Where Others Fall.