The Montgomery advertiser., 1905-04-23

right handy, and if you have any troub-
 le' you don't know where the knife is coming from, as you do about an American revolver when one of our
 citizens reaches for his pistol pocket
 Spaniards are nervous people, on the move all the time, and 1t Is on account or fIeas. Every man, woman and child i contains more than a million fleas, and
 as they can't scratch all the time they
 Keep on the move, hoping the fleas will
 jump off on somebody else. When we came here we were flealess, but every person we have come near to seems to
 have contributed some fleas to us, un-
 til now we are loaded down with them,
 and we find in our room at the hotel a
 box of insect powder, which is charged in with the candles.
 The king, who Is a boy abotu three years older than I am is full of fleas, too and he jumps around from one place to another, like he was shaking
 himself to get rid of them He gets
 up in the morning and goes out horse-
 back riding. and jumps fences, and
 rides up and down the marble steps of the public buildings, as though he
 wanted to make the fleas feel in dang er so they would leave him. Seems to me, if every man kept as many dogs as they do in Constantlnople the fleas would take to the dogs, but they say here that the fleas will leave a dog and get on a human being, because they
 like the smell of garlic, as every Span l iard eats garlic a dozen times a day. They are trying to teach dogs to eat garlic, but no selfrespecting dog will , touch 1t.
 We have had to fill up on garlic in order to be able to talk with the peo- pie. cause dad got seasick the first day here, everybody smelled so oniony. Dad wanted a druggist to put up onions
 in capsules. like they do quinine. so he could take onions and not taste
 them. but he couldn't make the man | understand There ought to be a law against any person eating onions, un- less he is under a death sentence. But you can stand a man with the onion habit, after you get used to it. It Is a woman, beautiful woman. one you would like to have take you on her lap
 and pet you, that ought to know bet ter than to eat onions. Gee, but when you see woman that is so beautiful
 1t makes her ache to carry her beauty around and you get near to her and expect to breathe the odor of roses and violets, it makes you tired when she opens her mouth to say soft words of love, and there comes to your nostrils the odor of onions. Do you know, nothing would make me commit sui- eide so quick as to have a wife who
 habitually loaded herself with onions ? Dad was buying some candy for me at a confectionary shop. of a beautiful Spanish woman, and when he asked how much it was. she bent over to wards him in the most bewitching manner. and breathed in his face, and | said: "Quatro-r realis seignor," which
 meant -four bits. mister" and he hand
 CT her five-dollar gold piece and went
 out doors for a breath of fresh air and let her keep the change. He said she
 was welcome to the $4.5O, if she would not breathe towards him again.
 Well, we have taken in the town. looked at the cathedrals attended the sessions of the Cortez, and the gamb- ling houses. saw the people sell the staple products of the country, which are prunes, tomatoes and wine. The people do not care what happens as long as they have quart of wine In some countries the question of exist ence Is bread, but in Spain it Is wine. No one is so poor they cannot have poor wine, and with wine nothing else is necessary; but a piece of cheese and bread helps the wine some, though either could be dispensed with. In some countries wine, women and song" are all that is necessary to live. Here 1t is wine, cheese and an onion.
 We went to see the king because he is such a young boy, and dad thought 1t would encourage the ruler to see an American statesman, and to mingle with an American boy. who could give him cards and spades. and little casino. and beat him at any game. l made dad put on a lot of badges we had collected In our own town when there were con ventions held there, and when they were all pinned on dads breast he looked like an admiral. There was a badge of Modern Woodmen, one of the Hardware Dealers association, one of the Wholesale Druggists, one of the Amalgamated Association of Railway TrainpA~- ana of the Farmers Ali