West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1905-08-31
NUMBER "A.

Highness, the Sultan of Sulu p
Imagine my astonishment | Taken
Tor the Sultan OF Sulu But I
never lost my poise. l replied with
great dignity and emphasis: "No,
your ladyship, am not the Sultan
OF Sulu. | am the great American
Tax Reformer, whose health has
been seriously impaired by an army
OF insurgents, who drove me from
my beloved country after making
1t How with milk and honey by my
wonderful adjustment of taxation
OF the American farm and the hen
roost Those were the two things
which advocated in my campaigns.
claimed, and the adoption of my
tax laws proved that my theory was
correct, that IL you abolished tax
ing the farm and the hen roost that
our beloved country would How
with apple dumplings, roasting ears
and chicken pot-pie. In the last
epislle which / received from the
Temporary Governor of my State
he tells me that the crop OF apple
dumplings, roasting ears an d
pot-pie has never been equalled in
the past ten years. l am TEN.
porarily sojourning among your
kind people, your ladyship, to reoup.
crate my lost health, which was
lost, strayed or stolen by the West
Virginia Insurgents ! Today | find
myself an exile from my native land
because i dared to abolish taxation
on the homes of the poor and the
hillside farms. | have had but one
object in life and that has been TO
feast on what is known in my coun-
try as political pie and abolish taxa
ton OF the poor. BY my method
OF taxation the assessment of the
rich is thribbled and quadrupled, but
they pay less taxes and increase the
revenue OF the State tenfold. Ii is
the wonder OF the world and the
admiration of all mankind, except
the insurgents. No, your ladyship,
| am not the Sultan of Sulu, but the
great American Tax Reformer /"
Upon receipt Of the above letter
| wrote the Governor TO continue
his pilgrimage to the North Pole
and make a heroic and sacrificing
effort to capture the pole. II he
could capture this much sought
after pole and get possession of It
there would be no further discussion
as to who had the longest pole in
clubbing the persimmons. With
the North Pole the Governor and /
could knock the persimmons every
time.
The world will never see Gov.
ernor Dawson's equal again as a tax
reformer. ] have devoted many
hours myself in studying the Dawson
tax laws in the hope that some day
that would fall heir TO his mantle
and be able to travel in foreign
lands to hobnob with the arisiocracy
and nobility as Governor Dawson
is doing at the present time. But
the more | study the more become
tangled in them. If / could find
the key to them. But the Governor
has often told me that was the secret
of the Dawson tax laws. No one
but he can tell whether the taxes
are gong up or coming down.
Bro. Geo. Byrne, who has made
a specially Of how the Dawson tax
laws will effect old speck, has told
me time and again that he is un-
able to determine whether the Daw-
son tax laws intend to make old
speck crawl into the Msnown incu.
bator when she wants to hatch, or
whether she is TO remain in the hay
loft.
So far as we have information
there is but one living soul who has
been able to guess what the Dawson
tax laws are intended for. After a
careful study of one year Bro. Reed
Of the Prestoa Republican, has made
a public announcement that the So
called Dawson tax laws were never
written by Gov. Dawson. Bro.
Reed is positive that they were
written by William Shakespeare or
Lord Bacon. Bro. Reed claims
that this discovery came to him
through revelation, and that the
spirits told him that his reward was
to be seat in the House OF Lords.
] want to caution Bro. Reed to
not put too much faith in his reve-
lations. Revelations arc all right
when you attend camp meeting and
feel spiritually inclined, but the
"spirits" which Bro. Reed will have
to introduce the boys to when he
is travelling around with hay seed
in his hair arc not the kind that is
found in revelations.
There is another thing that Bro.
Reed must not lose sight Of, and
that every word OF the Dawson tax
laws we're written by Gov. Dawson
and myself Bill Shakespeare and
Lord Bacon may have done some
scribbling on tax laws in their early
youth, but they have not tackled
tax laws since Gov Dawson and
myself cot a r,afenf nm ibop,