The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1905-09-03
Chesty Father Puts Baby to Sleep

noise was somethin' fearful and ter
rife.
The proud father deposited his bur
den and came back to the lawn. where
the conversation turned to babies ano
the methods of bringing them no. II
was a married folks party, and every
body spoke from experience. including
the proud father. The prodigy kept W
the howl for a quarter of an hour, anG
finally the mother in-laW sneaked away
from the bunch and mixed up the stairs
The mother came down drippin' WITH
perspiration and tired to death. The
mother-in-law experimental a few
but still the noise emanated from ths
second story window.
" I'm the only one OF the family
what can make that kid stop cryin'."
says he. 'AU have to do is to look al
him sternly and say, ''Desist, my son,
desist." That's ali there is TO Il. He
closes his lamps and takes the through
express to the land OF nod. But the
women folks, they think they know II
ALL so / let them poster with him
every evening for awhile, and then I g.
up and put him TO sleep. think
fathers influence over a son is para.
mount
We'll, sir, the rest OF US discon-
tinued the conversation and listened
Presently the mother-in-la yelled for
help, and the proud father chased him
self up to the rescue. Quiet reigned
down on the lawn. and, strange 10 say
quiet reigned In the bed room. The
miracle had been performed /
thought, and the proud father had sue
ceeded in making his son 'desist. The
silence was broken by the mother OF
the prodigy.
what are you doing TO him?' she
yelled. A face was poked out Of the
bed room window.
Why, I'm sittin' on his chest and
beatin' him in the face with a Morris
chair, of course. What in the world
did you think 1 was dom 20 him? As
matter OF fact, / merely turned him
over on his stomach, and every time
he tries to yell he swallows piece OF
the sheet, and, anyways. I'm putin
this baby to Sleep and l don't need any
help from the front lawn
II thought that was rather rough
language for the proud father 10 hand
out, but seems / was only a guest
backed down in the shadow and was
hard to find.
"'But you'll smother him to death.
persisted the mother.
" No, / won't smother him TO death
returned the dad Then there was
SnEnCC. he itlOOIfl6nl Oh the ldWL
was beautiful, and me and the kinfolks
of the tall cumbersome gent watched
the black cat stalkin' across the tai
grass. You could a-heard a pin droF
in a bucket of feathers. Presently
there emanated from the second story
window long and woeful cry, followed
by more long and woefuI cries, and
I then the following monOlogue:
mo, no, baby. Go to sleep, baby.
La, la, la, la, Ia, la Then more cries
by the prodigy. More monologue.
Meanwhile me and the kinfOlks was
dom the best we could to keen from
| laughing out loud. Then came another
! cry. And then something like this:
Shut up! Shut up, 1 tell you. I'm
| tired of this Then a call from the
second story window. Mother come
up and put your baby to sleep
Down on the lawn we laughed
quietly in the moonlight, and l piked
off home. We've all been there before
many time. but this morning / didn't
| hear any more OF the lurid tales of the
/ feur-weeks-old prodigy"
| So saying the sandy Completed per-
| son crossed his knees. lit his pipe and
smoked until the car reached the treas
ury.