Daily Kennebec journal. [microfilm reel] (Augusta, Me.) 1870-1975, 1905-05-29

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In an address to woman's club.
Francis Wilson, apropos of high price $
at the theatre. said:
High prices would, indeed, be banc-
full if they always brought out mans
worst nature. as they did in one case.
1.-The case l allude to was that of an
| elderly janitCr. He was complaining
to friend of the theatres rapacity.
Last week. he said, me and the
wife started out to see Her One SIM"
and when l laid down fifty cents for
| two seats in the top gallery, the ticket
seller said he wanted thirty cents more.
because durin' the engagement of the
"One SIM company the top gallery
price was advanced from quarter to
forty cents
OF course said the janitor's
friend, You didn't go in?'
oh. yes. l went in said the jani-
tor. but l sent the wife home, and SO,
through the theatres blamed greedi-
| hess. l put a dime in my pocket
A. j. Drexel Biddle, of Philadelphia,
was on the Riviera in the spring. At
the Nice races he described America to
| a group of Russians.
Your Boston," one of the Russians
said, "she is call Hub sometimes. DAP
Mr.. Drexel Biddle laughed good
naturally.
YES, that is right" he said. "The
Hub of the Universe. That is what We
sometimes call Boston,
"Da." said the Russian. You call
IJ,,h fn, hat int
learning, there shall prevail. Yes?
DAP"
Yes, d." said Mr.. Drexel Biddle
| literally educated"
"Exemplify." said the Russian eager
ly. "The proofs. Show, if you can,
proofs"
The American thought a moment.
well, here is one proof" he said.
"a young man in Boston restaurant
ordered a sandwich. The sandwich
| was brought promptly to him. but it
contained no meat. He called the
waiter over.
Look here. waiter he said. There
is no meat in my sandwich
1.-THE waiter, elevating his brows.
said:
Then why call it a sandwich, sir?
With a minimum of erudition one
should be able to avoid rhetorical
solecism so cacophously glaring.'
Commissioner James r. Garfield said
| at dinner in Topeka, apropos of dis
| appointments:
| "There was certain crusty old
bachelor who had employed for II years
a faithful cook.
This cook had red hair, freckles and
cross eyes. Her teeth were singularly
even and white. but then. ten to one.
her teeth We're false. for she was too
| old to have real teeth of such beauty.
Her age, judge. was AZ.
Though an adept with the saucepan
| and the rolling pin. this faithful woman
could not read. Therefore, she got her
employer to transact all her little af-
fairs for her. She had bank account
of about a hundred dollars that he
managed.
Zone day the cook said that she
wanted to withdraw all her savings
from the bank. Her employer was
amazed
1T has taken you nine years to save
that money he said. Why do you wish
to draw it OUT
Because. sir replied the cook. last
night dreamed the number of the new
lottery. 1t was Il million and one. I am
convinced that that is the winning
number and am going to play it.
'"rne bachelor laughed at the cooks
dream. He called her n superstitious
numbskull. He adjured her not to
waste her money on n lottery.
But the cook. showing her white
false teeth in an obstinate smile. per-
sisted. She took her money out of the
hank. She risked it all in full chance
on million and one.
'Thcreafter the bachelor often ioked
her over her fOOlishness. He often
asked her If she did not regret the leo
pardy she had pat her money in. She
would frown. blush. blink her cross
eyes and leave tire room in silence.
Now. imagine this mans amazement
when, one morning few weeks later
he read in his newspaper-in those
days the lottery was legal-that a mil
ion and one had taken the grand pri2e
Of $15O.OOO.
1.-The bachelor was not rich. Sucb a
sum as 100000 meant a great deal IN
him. Furthermore, he knew that his
faithful cook had long loved him afar
off.
ard she could not read. She know
nothing of her wonderful fortune.
"de summoned her Then and tbere
he proposed honorable marriage She
accepted him. That night these two
became one.
"As they sped Westward in a na,aca
car on their honeymoon, the man. look
ing indulgently at his elderly and n,air
wife. said.
"'By the way. I want Won tn ,at mo
see that lottery ticket that We have en-
often wrangled over
Indeed, and l can't do that, tho
bride said simply. You laughed ana
ioked about it so, I sold it last week. 70
the butcher
colgate Hoyt. of the Automobile Cmh
of America, was talking in New York
arout salaries of chauffeurs.
1T is true" he said, 9Th If good ob.uf-
feurs often earn $500 and $4,000 a wear
while excellent ones sometimes com
mand really eXOrbitant sala -erooo