davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Kennewick courier. [volume] (Kennewick, Wash.) 1905-1914, 1905-11-17
NOTICE FOR PUBLICATION

Department Of the Interior, Land Office at
walla walla, washington, October y, 1905
Notice is hereby given that the following
named settler has filed notice of his intention
to make FINAL proof in support OF his
claim, and that said proof Will be made before
Register q Receiver, I. s. Land Office a Walla
walla, Washington. on December 10, 1905, viz:
AMOS NJ. BARNETT
who made H. L. No o37l for the NE IA Sec.
81, T. y, X. % +. ". NJ.
He names the following witnesses to prove
his continuous residence upon and cultiva-
ton OF said land WIZ. +. Irwin, r. +. Bar
nett, Asa W. Barnett, J. NJ. Wroe, all of Ken
lIewick, Washington.
J. l.. MoHUNDRO, Register.
The Kennewick courier. [volume] (Kennewick, Wash.) 1905-1914, 1905-11-17
NOTICE FOR PUBLICATION

Department OF the Interior, Land Office al
Walla waIIa. wash, october y, 1905.
Notice is hereby given that the following
named settler has fled notice of his intention
to make final proof III support OF his claim
and that S ii proofwill be made before Register
and Receiver e. S. Land Office, at walla Walla,
wash on December Is, 1908, viz:
THOMAS f. BARNETT
who made II. f. No. 500 for the NE IA Sec 81,
T. N, X. % f., W. m.
He names the following witnesses to prove
his continuous residence on and cultivation OF
said land, viz: T. +. Barnett j. +. irwin, ): NJ
wroe, Amos NJ Barnett, all OF kenneWlck,
washington J. L. MOHUNDRO, Register.
The Kennewick courier. [volume] (Kennewick, Wash.) 1905-1914, 1905-11-17
Notice for Observation-Disclosures.

Notice is hereby given that sealed
bids will he received for the cOnstruc-
ton of Two-story Frame School
House ut Richland, Benton County,
Washington. Bids will he received by
the Directors up 'o12 O'Clock Saturday,
the 18th day of November, 1905. Plans
and specifications are to be seen at the
office of the Benton Water Company,
at Kennewick, Washington.
The right to reject any or all bids is
reserved by the Board.
HARRY VAN HORN,
Director Clerk.
New-York tribune., 1905-06-04

seemed to battle all efforts to identify him Finally
the coroners face lit up and he said with show
of feeling
THE poor unfortunate from Camden, New Jersey
81 How do you know" asked of the uryrnen with
a puzzled air.
Because, continued the coroner, he has collar but
tons in his cuffs"
Another of Wech's best jokes was about a man
who being measured for a pair of trousers by
Kentucky tailor:
Tailor How many hip pockets?"
Patron: Two"
Tailor "Pints quarts?'
when is door not a door? When it's jar
and why St. Paul like a horse? Because he
fond of Timothy still keep the world
bowling with laughter
H. c, Bunner one of the quickest of men
when joke wanted at short notice One day
when were starting out to lunch the foreman
appeared with picture and said he awaiting
a caption for it that he might close a form.
''All right said Bunner hand it out
So he took the picture and held it against the
wall, and with pencil in his gloved hand dashed
off the following
Murie: Are you acquainted with Count Nochinl-
sly?"
Herbert: NO. 1 shave myself"
Ten or fifteen years later saw the same Joke word
for word in a New-York newspaper | forgot to
say that when Bunner had finished the caption
he read it aloud to make that it all right
and remarked: Some sirnian out in Oshkosh
will read that and think it's funny
Sometimes ideas will come to builder of Jokes
as swiftly as the balls from a Roman candle
And at other times the mind refuses to respond
once received an order from the editor of Har-
New-York tribune., 1905-06-04
/ O X Z S A r Z w r I I I L Il

< per's Bazaar to supply caption for a Newport
u casino picture, and asked to make the cap
ton equal to the picture in point of delicacy and
refinement. 1t what IS technically known as q
"he-and-she" picture. The young man and the
girl were sitting at table slipping sherrv-cobbier-
through straws. and | was ordered not to max
the caption turn on drinking. l had twentyfou-
hours in which TO write and deliver 1t. But the
more looked upon the picture the more dazed and
puzzled | became. | pranced up and down my
den and tore my hair, what little l had at the
time but all to purpose. feared that l should
have to give it up as bad job But as was
doing the whole thing came to me like flash
This was the joke:
Ethel: Would you be willing to marry FIVE taous
and a year?''
Harry: "Yes if I could find girl with that inc9r-r-
Another bit that simply occurred to me one day
when | saw dachshund swimming at the sea-
shore was something like this when it appeared
Mike: THAT dog do have short legs, don't he2
Pat: "Yis. they do be short that he cant touch
bottom till he gets up the shore"
At the PUCK" office we had a book containing
pictures of every kind and description To these
pictures wrote poems to fill up odd spaces in
the paper. The poems were called "fifteen-minu
things as they were written in that length of time
They would rattle along something like this.
Oh this is the maiden the boat
The rosebud l envied, that bloomed at her throat
Her optics were blue. and her ribbons were green;
She kicked for her bread a sewing-machiue.
And made my brain whirl till | heaved up sigh,
When she like phantom of grace futtered by.
As l said before there should be no age limit
a good joke matter when where or how II is
relegated to the actors home that they might he
with their old friends. Bad jokes, like bad people
seem to live and on while they hurl defiance II
the teeth of time
New-York tribune., 1905-06-04
By r. * MWmMitGPi C K

0NE of the most remarkable things con- !
| J nected with jokes is the fact that many of
the poorest live and go right living,
while Others that should be perennial on the
strength of their merit die before they have attained
the distinction of milk-teeth. There is no age limit
a Joke, there is on a man working for a
corporation
Many people curious to know Just how Jokes
are thought out and written. There are various
ways. Some men think them out mechanically
while walking q about to say miles, up and
down the edge of a rug. Others read the papers
whose news suggests ideas to them. Still others
carry notebooks and jot down the things that
occur to them on the street during conversations
The late Philip Welch, the author of THE Tailor
made Girl once told me that he could write mar
ketable jokes as long the country was full of
baseball summer girls and politics One of his
best bits, suggested by seeing classic bust was:
Gladys: Mr. Tmlon paid a very handsome COM
pliment last night
Maud: What it?'
Gladys: " He said had arms just like the Venus of
Mel,s."
which printed afterward in Puck" 1t grew
out of a conversation anent the Venus of Medici
How is this?" he asked
THE VENUS DE MED1cINE-Lvdia Pinkham.
Another of these one-line definition jokes
which appeared in Puck was thought out by
Bunner, Opper and myself follows
SIDE IssUE-Eve.
Though it printed in the early Sos it is still
alive. | received it the editor of " Judge" not
than six months ago.
a coroner's inquest is not a promising subject
for a comic dialogue of even few lines but Wech
could and did construct a good one and in an
inotfensive and charming The subject of
the inquest had been taken from the river and
New-York tribune., 1905-06-04

Of that rl;ssabu Gale Allen that's done this turn
dec and fetch him to the ring-bolt with q COOL
ro-nd turn. He ought to be strung up highe-n
Hanan.
The way those women indorscd that would han.
done good to the souls of a Populist convention.
The first selectman came in just then, and they
all lit him
"All is" said Mis- Bangs ''if you men folks don
stir your stumps almighty sudden the women of
this town Will take it up, and thereH be a bI.r-
water bee that will take skin and bristles of one
hog in this town."
The selectman who had just bought a sleigh
off Gale, with crown and crossed gavels painted
on it as delicate compliment, tried to say some
thing about the eccentrcities of genius; but the
women flew at him like setting hens at a barn rat.
Gents" he said, turning to men folks with
sigh So guess the vote of the meetn is favor Of
what you might call an official investigation.
l will lead the way to our genius's house.
and all those so minded may foler me.
The selectman had to fairly drive back
- two of the women to stay and take care Of
the widder, for fear she might try to jump
~ off her mnd-sled, you might say, and get
into trouble 1t certainly about the
most popular excursion that was ever or
ganized in the town of Carmel. Everyone
- wanted to go along.
- 1t being an official party. headed by
law and authority, didn't stop to
knock at Gales house. but trudged straight
in on the heels of the seleCtman ike ducks
following leader.
Gale was sitting on his bed too. | have
an idea that he the most surprised
Essei man that ever held evening reception
sAs in town. But you couldn't judge Of his
ARA surprise by his expression. As a matter
sfHsIa of fact. only one eye was showing and
that eye wasn't especially intelligent
looking-it was mussed up too much
guess that between the whops he got around
the tree and the sharp edges of the crust and
the attentions the Sprague boy paid to him
on the way to rescue the widder, Gale had been
finding life for the last hour melancholy and
forlorn." the poet says
The selectnan took his place at the foot Of
(Contfruof on fage 80
New-York tribune., 1905-06-04
SUNDAY MAGAZINE for JUNE 4. 1905

said the constable but it seems to me it's longer
hill that amt got any bottom
And trees it thickern spines quill-Pig,
to jedge by her remarks" " said another man.
eff any of yes got the sperit of a ouse,' yelled
Mis- Liza Bangs, you'll march boots to the house
New-York tribune., 1905-06-04

does and all frozen smooth, and that the sled got
to whee-gging around and Gale fell off, and there
was the widder, bundled all up and left on board
and no way to steer
The sled would dodge straight for tree, strike
a glary hump and whoosh around and make for
another tree and whoosh again, and there that
woman went pellity-whoop for half mile, just
missing each tree by eyeash and off down
across the road and the meadow and whong
bunt into a haystaCk.
And | started after her" said the Sprague
boy, and on the way l came across Gale Allen
where he'd been wrapped around a tree, and
New-York tribune., 1905-06-04

pers Bazaar" to supply a caption for Newport
casino picture, and was asked to make the cap
ton equal to the picture in point of deicacy and
New-York tribune., 1905-06-04

NNE of the most remarkable things con-
nected with jokes is the fact that many of
- the noorest live and 90 rioht ON living
Americus times-recorder. [volume] (Americus, Ga.) 1891-current, 1905-04-11
Jans Have Faith in 1000.

Toxic, April 10.-Vice Admiral Ro-
jestvensky's second Pacific squadron
has not been reported here since it
passed Singapore It's whereabouts
and the plans Of Vice Admiral Ro1est-
yensky are subjects Of the keenest
general speculation. 1t is quite gen.
orally assumed that Vice Admiral Ro-
JaStyensky does not desire an immedi-
ate battle and that he will attempt to
reach Nladiyastok where there are
docks and shops or seize base. The
latter course is deemed unsatisfactory
on account of poor facilities and the
danger of political complications.
Many believe that the Russian com
mander has a second rendezvous in
the Pacific ocean and that he will
speedily quit the China sea and go
eastward of the Philippines. If Vlad-
ivostok is his object, the Pacific is
considered to be more favorable for
the accomplishment of his purpose, al
though it largely depends on Rojest-
veEsky himself
The Japanese newspapers and pub
lie express relief and pleasure over
the approach of the Russian second
Pacific squadron as wei as confidence
in the ability of Admiral Togo's feet
to .Vanquish 1t.
Americus times-recorder. [volume] (Americus, Ga.) 1891-current, 1905-04-11
Joy at ST. Petersburg.

Sc. Petersburg, April 10.-The out
tary and naval circles at the prospect
of a sea fight which may change the
whole complexion of the war, finds no
echo in the liberal press which views
with something akin to alarm even the
remote possibility of a turn of fortune
which would strengthen the govern
ment at home.
The Chauvinistic organs, however,
are filled with long articles discussing
Admiral Rojesventslfy' chances, but
they are based on the theory that the
whole squadron has reached the China
sea. The Novoe Vremya highly COM
mends the admiral for having safely
accomplished the difficult feat of bring
ing the squadron through, declaring
the die is now cast The Bourse Ga
zette manifests sundisguised pleasure
at the scare in British shipping circles
and the furry in insurance rates pro.
duced by the sudden appearance Of the
Russian squadron Of Singapore after
the British had convinced themselves
that the squadron would never go to
the Far East.
Japan" says the Bourse Gazette,
now stands to lose the mastery of the
sea altogether with the fruits of all
her successes on land"
Newspapers express doubt as to
whether sea fight is imminent, ex-
pressing the opinion that Rojestvensky
is likely to await Rear Admiral Nebo-
gatoff and that Amiral Togo will re-
tire closer to his base before accepting
battle.
Strict orders have been issued to the
officers on duty at the admiralty not
to make public any portion of the
long report which arrived here yester-
day from Singapore.
Americus times-recorder. [volume] (Americus, Ga.) 1891-current, 1905-04-11
Roads a Sea of Mud.

Harbin, April 10-Information re.
ceived at the Russian headquarters
seemed to definitely establish the fact
that only Chinese bandits under the
leadership of Japanese officers togeth-
er with some Japanese cavalry are
operating westward toward the Tsiti-
har, the object being, apparently, to
reach the railroad communications.
There Is, however, a real turning
movement eastward of Kirin said to
be under the command of General Oku
The roads have grown desperately bad
On the frat grounud there are seas of
mud Japanese proclamations have
been issued giving the state of the
roads as an excuse for the date Of
their entry into Harbin, having been
changed from April 10 to April so.
Americus times-recorder. [volume] (Americus, Ga.) 1891-current, 1905-04-11
TRIAL
AGAIN POSTPONED
Prosecution Wants Smith and
Wife AS Witnesses.
ACTRESS APPEARS IN COURT

She Will Be Tried for the Third Time
for the Murder of Caesar Young
Bookmaker-she Still Occupies a
Cell in the Tornbs
New York. April l0.-Nan Patter-
son will be taken into court to answer
the charge OF numbering Caesar Young,
the boollmaker, but it is not expected
that the trial will proceed today. The
district attorney will ask for a post
ponement on the ground thaSThe case
of the prosecution will not be complete
until the arrival in this city of j. Nor
gan Smith and wife, brotherin-law and
sister of the accused woman. The
Smiths are now in Cincinnati, where
they are contesting extradition pro
ceedings.
Justice Gaynor has said that unless
Nan Patterson is tried before May
he will admit her to bail. The dis
trict attorney hopes that before that
date the Smiths will be in the juris
diction of the New York courts.
The trial of Nan Patterson on the
charge of killing Caesar Young which
was to have begun before Recorder
Golf in the court of general sessions
today was postponed for one week
upon request of the prosecution. 7.
The postponement was granted on
account of the fight against extradi.
ton being made by J. Morgan Smith
and wife, who are now under arrest
in Cincinnati, charged with conspir-
acy in connection with the case. The
motion for a delay was strongly op-
posed by Abraham Levy, chief counsel
for the defendant. In granting the
postponement Recorder Goff said he
did not think the defendant or public
Justice would be interfered with be-
cause of a weeks delay. A special
panel of 200 jurors has been sum
moned in the case, but only lab OF
the talismen answered the roll call to-
day.
Americus times-recorder. [volume] (Americus, Ga.) 1891-current, 1905-04-11
SATURDAY NIGHTS CRIMES.
Learned Divine Gives Reason Why that
Night Is Selected.

&SAih<A AlNtbC WIVES nCdSoH why %l7i
Night Is Selected.
Chicago, April 10,-Bodily and men
lal exhaustion after a weeks work, is
the reason ascribed by President H
c. King, of Oberlin college for the
fact that more crimes are committed
Saturday nifht than any other nights
Mr.. King has authorized the pulpit
of the Union Park Congregations
church and preached on How to make
a rational fight for character"
mo man. he said. has a right tc
ignore his bodily health. for at times
of fatigue all the weaker points of the
body and mind tend to come TO the
surface. 1t is. therefore, matter
of character that we have a surplus
nervous energy.
I'm times of mental fatigue the high.
er brain centers are the first to give
way The man who is fatigued is
not SO able to Withstand temptation
as the man who has an abundance OF
nervous energy in store.
The tagged out man cannot be
what he ought tobe. At times ia
tigue the man who desires to preserve
his character must be doubly on his
guard"
Other safeguards against evil sug-
gested by the distinguished educator
and writer were:
Control of emotion
tDiversification of attention from the
immediate temptation to moral prin.
tciples
cleanliness in thought and state
ment.'
Americus times-recorder. [volume] (Americus, Ga.) 1891-current, 1905-04-11
CORONER TO INVESTIGATE.
Broken Heart Is Believed To Be the
Cause of GIRLS Demise.

Chicago, April 10.-Coroner Hoff-
man today will investigate the mys-
terious death of Gertrude Jacobs, a
pretty girl, whose heart had been
broken because she had been unable
to reunite her divorced wather and
mother Her lifeless body has been
found lying face downward in her
room in Jackson boulevard. In one
hand was grasped pencil and in the
other a Bible, in which several pass
ages on love" had been marked
There was nothing to indicate the
cause of death.
For Is years the girl had sought to
bring about a reconciliation between
her father, wealthy merchant OF
Mansfield, o., and her mother who
were divorced when she was IL years
of age.
All her efforts to reuhite the little
family had been in vain, and the trou
BILE had preyed upon her mind unit
She had become melancholy
Americus times-recorder. [volume] (Americus, Ga.) 1891-current, 1905-04-11
Policemen Club Strikers.

Chicago, April 10.-Scenes of VIC
lence marked the first attempt 40
move freight from the Montgomery.
Ward building, where the teamsters
are on strike. The police were com
PEELED to lese their clubs freely. Three
wagons headed by two patrol wag.
ons and accompanied by rs policemen
started from the Rock Island freight
sheds at Polk and Sherman streets.
The caravan was followed by nearly
1000 persons. Numerous missiles
were thrown along the line of march.
While the wagons were passing the
approach to the Polk street viaduct
the crowd began to throw stones.
While the police charged the mob
the procession of wagons was halted.
A way was finally cleared with clufs
Americus times-recorder. [volume] (Americus, Ga.) 1891-current, 1905-04-11
Artist DESTROYED Portrait.

Paris, April 10.-Theobald Chartrain
the famous portrait painter, describing
the recent visit to the United States,
says a prominent American ordered
a portrait of his wife to cost $4,000 and
when il was completed the American
praised the artistic beauty of the work
but said it was not acorrect portrait
of his wife. Chartrain says ne sus-
pected a plan so secure a reduction in
the price, wherenpon he took a palette
knife, gave the portrait two cross
Sits, completely destroying it, and
remarked THAT is the way set.
tie gman differences"
Americus times-recorder. [volume] (Americus, Ga.) 1891-current, 1905-04-11
News from Singapore.

Singapore, Straits Settlement, April
M-The latest Information in regard
TO the Russian squadron, commanded
by Rear Admiral Enquist which passed
here Saturday afternoon was brought
here today by the British steamer
Gregory Apear. The latter yesterday
sighted the Russian ships 20 miles
of the Anabas group about 150 miles
northeast of Singapore. The Rus
slams were at anchor when the Greg
ory Apear passed them.
Information has also been received
here to the effect that four warships
apparently Japanese, were off Caue
st. James, near Saigon, April Z.
Americus times-recorder. [volume] (Americus, Ga.) 1891-current, 1905-04-11
supreme Court Modifles Injunction.

Chicago, April 10-The mandate OF
the United States supreme court in
the case against the meat packers has
been filed in the United States circuit
court here today. The mandate modi-
fies the injunction issued by the cir
cult court. In the opinion of the fed
eral authorities here the mandate will
not hamper the present grand jury in
the work of investigating the charges
against the alleged beef trust.
Americus times-recorder. [volume] (Americus, Ga.) 1891-current, 1905-04-11
EPIDEMIC OF MENINGITIS DYING
New York Physicians Believe 1t Will
Run Its Course by May I.

New York Physicians Believe 1t Viii
Run Its Course by May I.
New York, April 10.-Like the first
plague of eerebro-spinal-m
which prevailed here in 1872, the pres
ent run of mysterious disease is dy-
ing out Physicians express the be
lief that it will have disappeared by
May 1. The only explanation obtain
able is that a little sunshine and a few
days of pleasant weather have accom-.
plished that which baffled the medical
fraternity.
The figures in the office of the regis
trar of vital statistics show that $50
persons the majority of them children
have fallen victims so far. The mum
ber of deaths last week was about
20 less than the week before.
At the various large hospitals it is
announced that the condition of the
patients shows more Improvement
than at any time since the epidemic
began.
Americus times-recorder. [volume] (Americus, Ga.) 1891-current, 1905-04-11
COUPLE DIE SIMULTANEOUSLY.
Had Been Married for Fifty Years.
Die Tonether.

FlSG SCSt iSN lS' ny t$Ct q
Die Together.
New York, April 10.-Playmates in
childhood, bethrothed in youth, and
man and wife for more than so years,
Howar and Mary HasbrOueck died
within a few hours Of each other at
their home in this city.
Both had been i'll for several months.
Rousing from the lethargy of his death
bed, the aged husband feebly turned
his eyes toward his life companion
who was breathing her last almost
within touch of his hand He MUIR
INJURED her name and she answered.
Then both lapsed into a sleep from
which they did not wake. The hus-
band passed away almost Immediately
Mrs Hasbroueck lived seven hours
longer but did not regain conscious.
ness.
Mr. and Mrs. Hasbroueck had been
members of families prominent in the
county since the early days. At a
large gathering of relatives on the
south side, they celebrated their gold
en- wedding anniversary two years ago.
Americus times-recorder. [volume] (Americus, Ga.) 1891-current, 1905-04-11
YOUNG Train Wreckers.

Grand Rapids, Neb., April 10.-Rob-
ert, Earle and Cecil Davis, brothers,
aged respectively IL, 10 and 8 years.
and Sebastian Beach aged 10, were ar,
raigned in court here, charged wi
attempting to wreck Union Pacific
passenger train. The boys went .
short distance out of town and placed
an obstruction on the track ana sal
down to await the arrival of the west
bound train, which was due in few
minutes. The engineer saw the OBJ
-.truction and stopped the train just
IN time to avoid wreck. The train
was running at high speed and carried
a number of passengers.
Americus times-recorder. [volume] (Americus, Ga.) 1891-current, 1905-04-11
Severe Storm in Oklahoma.

Lawton, Okla, Alpri 10.-A report
from Frederick, Okla. today says that
a severe wind storm crossed the pas
ture reserve there last night partially
wrecking some tents and causing other
minor damage. No one was injured.
No mention is made in the report Of
President Roosevelt and his party, but
as the president left Frederick early
last evening it is believed he and his
party was not in the line of the storm.