The Greeley tribune., 1905-02-16
SatiriCuS Makes a
Confession
Editor The Tribune /:
Observation-Disclosures

remember that Just after the national
conventions had adopted their make
believe platforms, nominated theli
candidates and adjourned ! crawleo
up into the top of a high tree ano
gave out that for once since arrived
at mans estate, | did not intend &c
vote. But little later the confirmed
habit of IA life time got the better OF
my judgment and changed my
mind, and now l am going to con-
fess. You probably noticed the
classical language OF that eminent
ballot box stutfer Michael Dowd. to
his pal. Miller. when their associate
in deviltry, Mr.. Shepperson. was last
week on the stand in Judge Malone's
court getting ready to turn states
evidence. Dowd nudged his com
panion in the ribs as they sat to-
gether in the: dock, and said, Say
pard he's goin TO cough; it makes
me sick Well now, that Is the
way with me. am going TO
cough. made a mistake: | came
down off my high moral perch that
| assumed before election. and l
voted a ticket without party name,
and more spotted than any leper. and
even so | am sorry that ! voted at
all, and 1T makes me sick to think
of it. Because here 1T is more than
three months after election and do
not yet know and probably never
will know who was really elected
governor. How should ! know, and
how can l ever know? ! have care
fully read every scrap of evidence
that has appeared in the papers since
the dispute and the resulting con-
test began, and each day | have COM
pared their statements of fact upon
which each, presumably. based its
editorial opinion deduced from it,
and what do / conclude? Why.
simply that Denver has one evening
paper too venal to tell the truth un-
less bribed, and two morning papers
so partisan in their leanings that
they couldn't tell it ii they were
bribed.
If know anything whatever as a
result of unbiased and careful delib-
Grafton during all this exposure and
counter exposure 1t amounts to just
this, that if the decision laid with
me, and l bad to make it, would
have to declare that election off and
call another. Only the Almighty
knows, if He condescended to notice
our nefarious practices, what the
honest people of this state intended
to do on .election day; and in my
opinion If as a result of His observa-
tions on that and subsequent days,
He should just at present have His
eyes on Denver with about the same
object lie had in view when He sized
up ancient Sodom and Gomorah, and
should call for ten good men and
true, as He did in that instance, tC
prove the exceptions and save the
, town, | don't believe they could be
found in the democratic party or the
republican party, or both combined,
inside tie city limits. You can all
shout, gentlemen, and you may each
call the other party all the depraved
/ things that may occur to your linn
. tied vocabulary, but | am on the out
side now and as far as party ad-
vantage is concerned, | am like the
woman whose husband was for the
time being engaged in deadly con-
tlct with a bear She said it was
the only contest which she had even
witnessed in which she was entirely
a disinterested observer; she did not
care which licked. Now. that
is precisely my position in this con.
test, as far as mere party interests
are concerned. and moreover | alsc
feel in this particular instance the
truth of some words spoken not long
since by another impartial Oh.
server and listener when two rather
unsavory Greeley citizens were call.
ing each other all the mean things
they could think Of. He listened be.
cause he could not avoid hearing what
they said, and when each had ex.
hausted two vel nigh inexhaustible
themes, he said, did you ever heal
two entirely disinterested witnesses
tell SO much truth in so short a
time?'
Now listen to me while l tell both
OF these political parties what
, think. 1t won't do you any harm.
and it surely can't be laid uI
against The Tribune, because every.
one knows that l am bilious per.
sonage with a bad liver and worse
stomach, and entirely out of har.