davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
La Junta tribune., 1905-11-18
A Mere Matter OF Size.

She was corpulent and on her way
to Chicago from New York. and was
travelling with her two children. aged
respectively and 4 years. AS far as
Buffalo she had not been asked to pay
for the children. but at that point the
train crew changed and the new con
ductor. grur. surly-looking inSIvid
usl. looked askance at the children
and asked for their tickets.
why, have none" said the moth
er.
How old are they?" snapped the
man in blue.
THE girl is and the boy 4. sir
They look pretty big for that" was
the grun rejoinder.
Well" said she of the avoirdupcis
IF you're collecting fares according
to aize. you'd better get another tiche,
for me"
Needless to say. she did not pay for
the children.
La Junta tribune., 1905-11-18
ADDED suBsrANrrALrrY.

George Ade was telling about some
buildings that had collapsed, half Al.
ished. in Chicago.
.They were put up said Mr.. Ade,
.'by builders OF type too familiar to
US in America.
81 once heard Of two Of these build
efs who. over a club dinner. met and
talked together like this:
"'Jones. you alwaSs have better luck
than me-
"'Better luck? How SEP
~'why, how else do you account for
my row Of new houses blowing down
in last weeks wind, while yours
weren't harmed? An were built the
same-same woodwork. same osgtAr.
everything
YEA said the Uthef builder. 1st
you forget that mine had beea -
persd.' New Orleans StateA
La Junta tribune., 1905-11-18
Rice GriidIe Cskss.

Press one cup Of cooked rice through
a vegetable rieer or beat II up with a
steel kitchen fork. add one beaten egg
and one aud one-halt cups OF mllk.
ing powder with one cup of sifted
pastry -four and pinch OF salt and
stir into the first mixture. II not thick
enough add little more -four cautious
ly until the mixture is thick enough
TO bake on the griddie. Make small
cakes. using but tablespoon Of the
batter for each cake.
La Junta tribune., 1905-11-18
IIONiEl

A breed and a white man were
eng sed in what Old Man Donnelly
called n "ranicaboo" when gHound
BIZ stepped into Sam Jeffrey's saloon
one Asst. sam Jefrrey's saloon en-
joyed g monopoly near an Indian reser-
walton. There was a faro game In full
blast and a spirited poker game. Ba-
con-Rnd Dick was drunk again and
sduea EiRg like mouse In the wall
The air was thick with smoke, and n
man had TO order his drinks at the
top Of his voice in order to be heard
above the uproar OF the tumultuous
COWBOYS and stockmen. Stag-Hound
threw his pack-saddle in the corner and
sat down.
"My goshr' he said TO his neighbor.
a smls Of contentment playing about
the corners Of his mouth. but II seems
good r. be back In civilization again"
-Lippincott's Magazine.
La Junta tribune., 1905-11-18
small Date Cakes.

Cream one-thlrd cup of butter with
two-thirds cup OF Eight brown sugar,
add two egs- unbeaten and then beat
all together until very light. Add one
half cup OF milk and one and thr~S
quarters cup Of -four. slfted with three
level teaspoons OF baking powder. Add
a level teaspoon OF cinnamon and a few
gratings Of nutmeg. Stir in last half
pound OF dates. stoned and cut III
small pieces. Pour the batter into
small butterei tins, filling them about
two-thirds full and bake. Cover with
n white icing.
La Junta tribune., 1905-11-18
A NEW ENGLAND SPECIFIC.

Last fail an English woman of let
ters was staying as the guest OF an
elderly lady at n country house in
Western Massachusetts,. While they
were driving one afternoon they had
the misfortune TO meet the omnipres-
ent automobile Mt a sharp turn Of the
road. The horse. being spirited. SHE'D.
dashing the carriage against q tree and
throwing its occupants out into the
road.
The English woman picked herself
mp uninjured. but was horrifed TO see
her aged hostess lying on the ground
unconscious. Running to a nearby
farmhouse. she knocked for some time
before she finally succeeded in bring
ing a sunbonneted woman to the door.
"A lady has been hurt-thrown from
a carriage. She is lying down there in
the road. Can you give me some
whisky for herr" cried the visitor in
breathless anxiety.
well. no. we don't never keep no
whisky" said the native born after
some deliberation. Would the lady
like a piece Of pieg'-Lippincott's Mag
azine.
La Junta tribune., 1905-11-18
Youna Fool ane IN. oId.

There's no fool like young fool
When mr.. works are concerned
Behold them all. the victims small
Vita hands and faces burned,
Behold the larn-d and killed and maiusd
Their needless suTefinsss
There's no fool like the Old Fool
Who gives a child such things
There's no fool like a young fool
In Eioriou. July.
To nfr a borub and lose a thumb
And tear away an eye.
To touch a iight TO dynamite
And scatter death and noise:
There's no fool Ike the Old Fool
Who gives a child such toys
There's no fool like a young fool
To usaka ths Fourth n crime.
when >vvry nurse and every hearEe
l. working overtime.
whes Esst and West and North ar-s
south.
The lists appalling grow
There's no fool like the Old Fool
who thinks child should know.
There's no fool like the young fool
Who smells the powder smoke.
But the awful play that mars the Day e.,
Has ceased to be n Joke.
Yet Satan tempts the Old Fool
To chuckie meath his breath
And put among the needless young
The Instruments OF death.
La Junta tribune., 1905-11-18
A WESTERN VERSION.

II was in the Rocky Mountains Of
Wyoming several miles north OF Lara
mie. A visitor was called on to teach
n class OF boys whose ages varied from
seven TO ten. The lesson CT the sunday
before had been about the Good Sa-
maritan.
snow" said the teacher. (which Of,
you boys can tell me about the lesson
for last Sunday"
Several hands went up. One OF the
boys was selected. Tell all you know,
about It," said the teacher.
well, sir" said .he boy. "the lesson
for last Sunday was bout the hold-up
In Jericho canon. Dere was man
travelin' and n gang OF toughs got mp
wild i'm an welted i'm one and mighty
nigh killed I'm. Then they touched I'm
for is wad and skotted. Here comes.
along doctor. He said. Ugh. dat
amt none o. my medicine and went
on. Here come along a preacher. He
look at de fellow and say. Dat case
amt in my parish and he went on.
Den here come long n cowboy on his
broncho. He jump of an say. Hello.
here. dis fellow is hurt Den he put
i'm on de broncho and carry i'm to de
road house and say to the fellow. Now
here. dis fellow got into II down yonder
in de canon and got hurt. You take
care OF i'm. He's my pal, and here's
my wad, and II you are out anything
when I git back from de ranch I'll
square it.'"-Biblical Record.
La Junta tribune., 1905-11-18
A FLOATER.

An Eastern newspaper says that
lack London. on his last visit 10 New
York. was introduced in a cafe TO a
musician.
T. too, am a musician In small
way" London said. MY musical tai
eut was once the means of saving my
lfs"
How was thatf'' the musician
asked.
There was a great food in our town
In our boyhood." replied London
When the water struck our house my
father got on bed and hoaied with
the stream until he was rescued
And your said the musician.
Well" said London. Il accompanied
him on the plano."-Wasp.
La Junta tribune., 1905-11-18
uNEcoNoMIcAL ECONOMY.

In St Louis there is a Yankee who
settled in the Mound City after the
Civil War and has there built up a fer
tune OF millions. The economies and
conservatism by which he has sccumu-
lated his little pile have increased with
his years. Acquisition has become a
habit.
He has one son over whose expendi-
lures he keeps careful watch. Recent
ly this offspring took an uptown car
The father. who saw him board the
car. and knew his destination. Judged
he had spent his fare foolishly.
That evening. after dinner, the elder
called the younger man into the IL
brary, saying he had something TO tell
him. But first" be interrupted. ris-
ing from his chair, II Will turn down
the light. We can talk just as well in
the dark. and IL will save the gas" He
then proceeded 10 give reasons why
the expenditure Of the uptown ear fare
was unnecessary. As be went on ex-
plainin; the value of economy, out of
the darkness where his son sat he
heard fumbling and shuffiing. Much
TO his distate the noise continued. At
length. heated to impatIence. he cried.
sam. what are you doing:"
Father" came from out of the black
ness. Il can hear just as well without
'em. and. while we're sitting here in the
dark. I'm taking OF my trousers to save
EN-"
The rest of that evening economies
were not Observation-Disclosures.
La Junta tribune., 1905-11-18
SENATOR MoRGAN-s RETAINER

Sruafor John 4 M0rEan- OF Alabama,
was slways one Of the most eonscien-
tious Of lawyers. and when in active
practice poeketed some large fees one
day notorious outlaw wanted to hire
him. -Now. see here" said the law
YER before take your case I want
20 know II you are guiityT The fei-
los replied: Nobody ever called me
fool; hsf I'd be the durndest idiot
unhung 10 come snd hire the most ex-
peusive lawyer In the South 10 | was
Innocentr'-yictor Smith C-Tip"J.
La Junta tribune., 1905-11-18
CRAFTY MAN WINS OUT.
Neat Way in Which He pupes the
ANGEL of His Life

Nest Way in Which He pupes the
Angel Of His Life
Mr. Snuths reaches home for dir
ner and fnas his wife in an unusually
tzciturn mood
They go through the neal almost
quietly. the only speech being from
him
The evening progresses in the same
fashion
Al last he asks:
Aren't you feeling well tonight"
"Oh. yes" she tells him. colGiy-
Then what Is wrong with yoa;
You ought 10 know
"Hox should I k.oE, Have I said
or done anything to offend you
NO; you haven't said anything or
done anything"
Then Ehst on earth makes you act
this Eay2"
4 suppose you have forgotten ~hA;
day this is?"
NO. This is the 18th day Of Aug
ust. 1905"
And il is my birthday. and you for
got that # vas. and you never for
got II before. and you--
"One moment. my dear. did not
forget that IL was your birthday"
She smiles through her tears, think
ing Of diamond sunbursts apt things
like that.
~Oh. you dear thing" she e1elaims.
"You did not forget II. then,'
NO. What birthday Is it."
why. my thirtieth. Of course"
think it Is more gracious OF me to
seem to overlook your birthday than
20 remind you Of how old you are
growing"
Next day she tells the neighbor that
dear John Is the thoughtfullest man
that ever lived.
La Junta tribune., 1905-11-18
steamed Mois..~. Pudding.

Cream one cup OF butter. add one
cup Of molasses and stir until smooth.
then add one cup Of milk and mix we'll
sift level teaspoon Of soda with three
cups Of Sfted pastry -four and mix
with the frst mixture. then add one
cup OF seeded Talsins rolled In -four
Pour into n buttsrsi mold and steam
three hours. Serve with n liquid
81 uce.
La Junta tribune., 1905-11-18
IMJs irene Crosby

Thousands Of American women, how.
ever. have found relief from all monthly
suffering by taking Lydia +. Pinkham's
Vegetable Compound, As II is the most
thorough female regulator known 70
medical science. II cures the condition
which causes 50 much discomfort and
robs menstruation OF its terrors.
Miss Irene Crosby, OF 3i3 Charlton
Street East Savannah, Ga. writes:
Lydia E Pinkham's Vegetable Compound
1. q true friend to WOMAN Ii has been OF
great benefit to me. curing me OF irreg'haf
and painful uenstruation when everything
else had failed. and gladly recommend It 70
o.hsr suffering women"
Women who are troubled with pain.
full or irregular menstruation. back
ache. bloating Tor fiatulencel. leuco7-
rhra. falling. Inflammation or ulcers
ton of the uterus. ovarian troubles.
that bcaring-down" feeling. dix1i-
ness, faintness. indigestion. nervous
prostitution or the blues, should take
immediate action to ward OF the seri-
GUS consequences. and be restored to
perfect health and strength by taking
Lydia L. PinkhAm's Vegetable Com
pound. and thef write to Mfs- Pink.
ham. Lynn. Mass. for further free 3D.
vice. Thousands have bsen cared -
% doing.
La Junta tribune., 1905-11-18
NOT GUILTY.

"In Paris" said a lady who had had
the bitter experience OF being knocked
down by n cab. and then brought 10
book f0r being in the way, they run
over vou and make you pay for the
privile=p" Perhaps the old colored
man, quoted by the Valentine Demo
crat. was sufficiently Travelled to fear
a similar outcome.
Tho had been railway collision
near n country town. and shrewd
lawyer had hurried to the scene OF the
dlsastrr. He noticed this old man with
n badly injured head. and hurried up
to where he lay moaning, on the
ground.
"How about damagss?" he began.
But the sufferer waved him on.
"G'way. boss. g'way." he said. "Ah
nebber hit de train. All nebber done
such a ting in NAH life. Yo' cyain't
git no damages out oh me-"
La Junta tribune., 1905-11-18
Plain Spoken.

"I hope. senator" ventured the up
right citizen. that you newer allowed
anyone TO hint about n bribe in your
presence"
Il should say not" replied Senator
Doodle. with much emphasis.
"sh, am so glad to hear II"
mo. sir. I'never allowed them 10
hint because It took up too much time.
II they wanted anything crooked dors
they had to say it right out and then
I'd listen"
La Junta tribune., 1905-11-18
BILL NYEs REPLY.

The late Bill Nye replied as follows
TO correspondent who inquired about
his habits Of work and life:
"Nhen the weather is such that
cannot exercise in the open air. /
have 4 heavy pair of dumbbells at my
lodgings, which I use for holding the
door open. I also belong to an athletic
club and pair of Indian clubs with
red handles. owe much of my robust
health TO this.
IL do most of my writing in sitting
posture or in an autograph album
When I am not engaged in thought
am employed in recovering from its
effects I am very genial and pleasant
to be thrown amongst
II dress e.Spensively. but not 80 as to
attract attention. In the morning /
wear morning dress. in the evening /
wear evening dress. and at night
wear night dress."-Denver Times.
La Junta tribune., 1905-11-18

but. my good man. during all these
years I've nsve- had the least idea Of
your name- What Is its-
-Msh name Is George wsshin'ton.
sah.- replied the Old laan, With a dack
Of his head
George Washington. eh-' reifersted
the q1estiouer- 1t seems to me-" he
added with smile. that I've heard
that maine before."
Reckon you aave. sah.- came the
answer. in all seriousness. -'cause I>e
bsen haulil' way ashes from 20 house
for moEe'n ten years. Harpe1's
Weekly.
La Junta tribune., 1905-11-18
MIXED.

A countryman In restaurant or
dersi roast lamb, and the walter
bawied 10 the cook:
"One lamb
Great Scott mister cried the conn
tryman. Il can't eat a hull lamb
Gimme some fried oysters instead"
-One fried OYSTER bawled the
waiter.
Well. Methuselah's ghost Mister.
one fried oyster amt going to be
enough. Gimme a dozen Of 'en. Durn
these city eatin' places"-The Inde-
pendent.
La Junta tribune., 1905-11-18

An English and an American mer-
claaT w-re discussing the relative in
psrrance Of their businesses
Why said the En=iishman- in rny
'hru the clerks Use $1,000 gallons of
INK q year.
-Oh. that's nothing" reteTted the
Ame-leaH: we saved that much ink in
4 year by ordering our clerks not TO dot
tkslr rs--Harper's Weekly
La Junta tribune., 1905-11-18
ExxIs.s IadIsu ra,Isias.

seali one aHd onF-hslf quarts Of
rnilk, mix thre--foarths cup eornmsaL
one large tablespoon -four. one-half
teaspoon salt. one cup molasses- Pour
scalded milk over the mixture. stir
thoroughly. then add one cup cold milk
and one cup raisins; bake two hours.
stlrrins frequently the first hour.
La Junta tribune., 1905-11-18
NOISES IN her HEAD
Ar~- Resssa Sss . Nesv0Ss WeoeA,
Bat o.. WsiiisRs' Pink esIio
Brought SoSA1 Nsaieh.

SfSSS'> s~~s9 ssSossSs-
"Bef0Ee ! began 20 take DR. Williams
Pink Pills. said Mrs Mary Reagan.
OF No. 81 Kilburn street. Fall River.
Mss, r-oently. Il Was In and out Of
BED all the time. but now 1 stay up al
DAY and do all my own work
~ II was badly run down from over
work Oae day noises began ia my bead
sad almost made me crazy Ny bead
f-lt as If tight hand had been pus
.sr0Gnd II. and the pressure and the
sDunds made me 50 uneasy that often
lad 70 walk the floor al night
nv stomach WAS in bad shape. and
. had sinOshsrlng senSations- At such
times Irsy body seemed bloodless, my
hands were Ike chalk and my face
srurnst yellow. The doctor said I had
cysf-psia in the worst FORM Then my
nerves gave way and i Was completely
prosrratsd- ! frequently suffered froIa
sulUthering sensatioDs-
The fret box Of DIR. Williams Pink
Pills that l used quieted my nerves
s. that ! could get Il good nights
sleep, wnlch was o new experience for
me Esfure begin to use them ! WAS
nervous wreck and treuabled at the
sLighf-st sound. l was - weak that
had % 1T down and rest every few steps
when / went mp stairs. Now l can run
mp = Eule night al once Inc sfnofhef-
.ring seusations have gone and the noises
In my head have stopped entirely. NY
npTeArance has greatly improved. for
friends who were alarmed on my se-
srount before. now say: How well you
'Are looking" My husband spent over .
hundred dollars ON treatment for me thas
WAS worthless, bat a few boxes of DIR.
Williams Pink Pills brought me spund
health" "
sold by all druggists. or sent. post
paid. on receipt of price, so cents per
sb1E. six boxes for " 30 by the DIR. Will
l2ms Medicine Co. Schenectady. n. Y.
La Junta tribune., 1905-11-18
apple >nss.

sift enough stewsd apple through
straineE TO make oEs cup. Add as
much powdered sugar as needed 10
sweeien and then the uubeaten whites
OF two eggs. The apple and egg should
be beaten in good sized taperiug
bowl Beat twenty minutes with an
egg beater. then serve at once, piled
roughly on a glass dist.
La Junta tribune., 1905-11-18
,,,,n.,. co..ure. Popular.

At the fashionable watering places
near New York Japanese costume
dances are all the rage. This does not
necessarily mean general pro-Japanese
sympathy among the butterflies of so
ciety. who probably would have taken
up the picturesque features OF Russian
costume h I'd the fad struck them that
way.
La Junta tribune., 1905-11-18
Old Couple lake Marriage Vow.

George Applegate. an octogenariaA
OF bethlehem. Pa. the other day took
out a license to wed Mrs. Augusta
wahI. also of Bethlehem. and co years
old. Before doing so he placated his
children by giving each of them $50
600 Mr. Applegate is a rich man. and
as he says, will have enough left for
himself and his elderly bride.
La Junta tribune., 1905-11-18
FAMILIAR.

A Mobile man tells the following
story Of an odd character in that town
who for many years has done thriv-
ing business in hauling ashes One
day. says the Mobile man. he CHANGED
TO be in the rear Of his house when the
darky in question was preparing to de
part with the customary load 1--WE
seen you haul away many Q load Of
ashes" said the owner Il the heuse,
La Junta tribune., 1905-11-18

PORK C-k~-

One pound pork chopped hne. one
pound raisins. three cups sugar, tive
cups mix. three @S=s. I've cups -four.
two teaspoons soda. Ent spice 10 taste
La Junta tribune., 1905-11-18
Irlnnn la-.

Dissolve one-half box Of ssistine IN
one cup Of cold water. add four caps
Of boiling water and stir until entirely
dissolved Add the strained Juice OF
six lemons and one and one-hslf cups
of sugar and freeze.
La Junta tribune., 1905-11-18
sfirsa CAKE.

One cup butter, two cops sugar.
three cups -four. three eggs. one pound
raisins. one -half pound cltron. one cup
milk. one teaspoon cream tartar. one
La Junta tribune., 1905-11-18
TEA
We are not a tea-drinking
people; we should DO
steadier, if we were.
TEA

You can't even borrow troubls with
out paying a pretty high rate OF Ia
tergaL
La Junta tribune., 1905-11-18

n wishes were automobiles beggars
would be arrested for exceeding the
speed limit.
La Junta tribune., 1905-11-18

You can make people believe you
have very fno Judgment by always
asking theirs
La Junta tribune., 1905-11-18
Insist on Getting IL

The divorce courts dsmonstrats that
II 10 never too late to mend.
The Intermountain Catholic. (Salt Lake City [Utah] ;) 1899-1920, 1905-08-12

guess we had better part company"
We parted without a sigh.
Fortune smiled on me once more, for
the next day got job in a monument
shop (melancholy work-makes one
think Of what he's coming tor as
granite polisher at $1.25 per day. 1
knew absolutely nothing about the
work, but had the nerve and Caught
on" the first day and continued until
the shop closed for the winter, Dec.
a last
After two weeks of idleness the hotel
man, having lost my successor might
clerk, sent for me. 'Veni vidi vici."
dictated terms. eliminating the COW
stable, chickens and garden. But he
got even by making me stoke the
boiler" of the steam heating plant.
Finally one day in January last a
letter from my oldest and warmest
friend in Chicago reached me (not the
friend CD who told me 1 was too old'')
Offering me a situation. 1 showed the
letter to the hotel man. He wrote my
friend. asking him that I remain one
week which I did. AT the end of the
week he wrote again, asking for an
other week, which was granted. Fear
ing this tenlporizing would jeopardize
my friends offer, I wrote him, agreeing
TO be in Chicago the following Monday
Transportation was sent me and more
besides.
So here L am, hard at work, doing
my level best to please ''niy friend
The Intermountain Catholic. (Salt Lake City [Utah] ;) 1899-1920, 1905-08-12
c. NJ. B. A. TEST CASE.

A decision of momentous interest to
the members of fraternal insurance Or
ganiZations was that handed down on
July by Judge Edward Kinne of the
WaShtenawa circuit court at Ann Ar
Dor, Mich, in the case of Michael Will
liams against the Catholic Mutual
Benefit association, to restrain the su-
preme council of that order from en-
forcing the increased scale of rates
adopted in October, 1903. Judge Kinne
decided that fhe supreme council can
not legally raise the rates. In the
course of his opinion Judge Kinne made
the following declaration:
1.-The important question" said he,
"is the right, authority and power of
the organization TO increase the rate of
assessment.
1T may be true that this high rate
of insurance is essential to the life of
the order. but I know of no principle
of law whereby such facts justify the
destruction of the rights of the in
sured. This contract is sacred, and
neither legislature nor corporation can
injure or destroy it,
Williams is a member of the Ann
Arbor branch, having Joined it in 1890.
when 5S years Of age. When the change
of rates was made Mr. Williams as
sessment was nearly doubled, and he
began a suit which was to serve as a
test case for the 10000 members of the
order in the United States.
In his decision Judge Kinne holds
that when Mr.. Williams Joined the
order the latter made with him a con-
tract of insurance, naming therein the
rate to be paid. and that the order has
no right 20 change this rate at its
pleasure. This decision viii affect other
fraterna1 orders which have done
or are contemplating doing the same
thing the c. NJ. B. A. did: that is, rails
ing the rates for old members. Coming
at this time it is of special interest to
the Royal Arcanum, where a new table
of rates is now pending.