The Irish standard. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn. ;) 1886-1920, 1905-03-25
WAS TOO FUNNY
Is Rev. M.o. Hawks, Of the "Soo,' -
"A Loyal Subject ?"
His Remarks on Washington
Criticised by Dr.. O'Neill.

l CfltlclSeo Dy DE-. UNolll.
| The Evening News of Sault Ste. Ma
!rie. Mich, contained the following
"message," delivered in that city OF
Washington's birthday by Rev. NJ. G
Hawks:
My Fellow Countrymen: 1 feel that
have message for you today. This
lis Mr.. Washington's birthday. He
will not be here to help us celebrate il
for several perfectly plausible reasons
One reason is he is dead. Another is
| that he has lost interest in nearly ev'
lerything on earth except spiritualistie
gatherings where he is known to often
get his back up" usually under the
table. Another reason is he is some
what unpopular since his death ON &C.
count Of the lack of courtesy shown to
the world by the unwise choice of his
birthday. The date Of it mean. In
some sections Of the country it is too
warm to skate, too late for sleighing,
and in others it is too cold. In the
choice of the 22d of February he
seems to have been Indifferent to the
comforts Of posterity.
Now when a grateful public has
crme to celebrate my natal day with
rcjoicings, it will be shown that 1 Sc
lected the day on which small boys
could go in swimming, men could go
fishing, and ladies could hang around
ice cream parlors and partake of re-
freshing drinks. But George chose the
lower end Of the worst month in the
year. And yet some of his relatives
have suggested to me that it was not
Georges fault, and that the date was
entirely arranged for him by his ad-
vance agents, man by the name of
Augustine Washington, and woman
by the name of Mary Ball.
Notwithstanding this misfortune few
men have greater cause to be stuck on
themselves than G. Washington, Esq,
late of Mount Vernon. He has since
been stuck OH a good many things,
like letters, Or his picture has. You
have often noticed Georges picture OH
these stamps wearing look Of entire
satisfaction and a low collar. NJ
people before me have remarked that
George was never licked until he got
on postage stamp, and then only
when his back was turned. 1 ask your
pardon for repeating this medieval
joke, but you must not think that any
thing about postage stamp can be
new. The paper never is, and firmly
believe that if the man could be- dis
covered who invented the favoring ex-
tract that is used to decorate the back
of postage stamps, that his name would
go down to infamy by the side of Judas
Iscariot, Benedict Arnold, Cas- Ad-
! dicks and Mrs. Cassie Chadwick, as a
most Infamous betrayer Of human ex-
pectations and confidence.
He has just cause to congratulate him
self because he was so successful after
his death in getting himself noticed in
the newspapers and the third readers.
Even streets and pies have been named
after him. You take for instance that
beautiful little tale of the Ratchet with
which some Of the more learned and
well read people are familiar. Just
contemplate the free advertising that
that little foolish incident has given
him. I cannot remember so far back
in my own ancient history that do
not remember having that story
rubbed into me all over. My mother
used to do it with a large strap, my
father with something like sled-stake,
mt least it felt that way. had a
naturally sunny and pleasant DISPOSE
ton, taking after my remote ances-
tors. but that incident in the life Of
George Washington was the cause of
my becoming mOrose and solemn, and
finally going into the ministry. I have
given the incident great deal of re-
search and meditation and I have
come to believe that George was start
led into telling the truth about the
cherry tree.
When small boy remember that
several times 1 too was similarly sur
prised in the same distressing situa-
ton. And George seems to me to be
too ostentatious about it as If he was
playing to the grand stand and saying:
Watch me put the puck right into
the middle of the net" Think how
often, my friends, you have been be-
trayed into telling the truth when you
were young and inexperienced, and yet
| no one took notice of 1t, and you have
never set up to be the father of your
country, "first in war, first in peace
and first in the hearts of your country
men,"
1t has always seemed to me to be a
trifing incident to exert so much influ-
ence over ones life and result in so
much greatness and fame. 1t was a
mere accident, too.
The moral lesson Of all this is that
we should always try to tell the truth
when we are young, even at some per-
n