Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1905-07-16
The Merry Game
of Vote Hunting

/
BIZ Dinkle moved restlessly in his chair
and rubbed his bump of pessimism. Bill
| soured on the world when some sharp
shooting gentleman in the rebel army
plugged him In the back as he was making
| for the woods. Because of this he was
| given a job Waterman at the Capitol
| where ever since he has lounged comforta-
| bly, in government chairs and grown fat
| off government coin. But Bill is an inter-
esting card for all of that and often en-
| tertans the initiated with able disserta-
| tins on national affairs.
! WELL he said, Il see that the presiden-
tial bee is on the buzz again. No sooner
| does one of the political gentry get inside
| the White House before the rest of the fell
| lers begin flgurin' as to whose goin' 10
| git there next. I'll be jiggered If ] ever
saw anything like 1t. Lots of big uns have
been firth around the country. maxim
speeches to graduatin' classes of one horse
and other colleges, in order to get ten cents
worth of imelght thrown on their aspiring
persons. Foxy gents. You see, these fuzzy
faced lads what's just got Their diplomas
will join the ranks of the first voters in
1905, and it's up to these political chaps to
blow their own horn until the cows come
navigatin' along the homeward oath.
There's his nibs, Mr.. Shaw, the gent with
the national deficiency. He jumps his job
about every ten minutes to give the correct
political steer TO some youthful aggrega-
ton in the backwoods. Shaw is the real
thing with the country folk In his early
days he used to peddle fruit trees 10 the
coniidin farmers out in Ioway, and they
say he never forgot the route. He goes
out there now a-Deddlin' a different bark,
but the farmers are just as confidin' as in
the days of old, and it, bOokmaker's tip
that he'll land the vote, unless he gets
scratched from the ticket before the race
begins. He had the commencement bug
for fair, and he also enjoys talkin' to the
Methodists. He chased off to Chattanooga
the other day, where the Methodist vote
Is all to the good, and If you believe what
you hear. he has cuddled up to the south
ern republicans like kitten to it's mother.
Your uncle Bill Taft goes out to the
Buckeye state and makes big splash in
the political puddle. Then he comes back
to Washington and sits on the lid for
while, just to show the doubtful Thomases
that he knows how to hold down the job.
When His Excellency. Mr.. Roosevelt, re-
turns to the immaculate Mansion Friend
Taft wanders out to Ohio again and DIS
courses gently on the important questions
of the day includin' Chinese exclusion and
the purchase of picks and shovels in the
foreign markets for the ditch they're goln'
to dig down in Panama. Now he's on the
high seas en- route to the Policy Islands,
where he will hand out punches of Span
ish conversation to the FfliDinos. that
they may appreciate what rattlin good
President he would make. Goodness knows
where he will 60 next The only reason
that the rest of the gents with the presl-
Dental bee IN their bonnets have not dali
lied in the Ohio daisies is that they expect
Foraker to put the Taft boom on the fritz.
They are countin' on a family row be-
tween these two entries from the Buckeye
state that will put both of EN- out OF the
runnin'. AS long as Foraker and Taft
both tryin' to hitch themselves up to the
same single wagon the other members of
the Ambitious League think it will be
case of noss and boss and that the Ohio
delegation can be dealt with later.
"And there's your friend, Mr.. Fairbanks,
| who ought to have the inside position
when the race begins. He's been fussin
around here, there and everywhere, open
| In expostions and presidin' at commence
| ment exercises tryln' to teach the young
| idea how to shoot-their votes into the bal
lot box. Early in the game he goes pikin'
| off to North Carolina, where some tar-heel
| knowledge institution wanted him to spiel.
J He spelled all right and the remarks what
| he handed out were printed in blackface
| type in all the papers south of the Mason
and Dixon. Then he meanders out to the
! Rocky mountain country and pours sweet
nothings into the ears of the first-nighters
| at the Portland exposition. On the way
| ba ok east Mr.. Vice President shovels out
| few epigrams and cogent bits of political
| advice to the grizzlies and coyotes what
| Teddy didn't hit. Then when Bill Taft Is
sittin on the lid and Foraker Is snoozin
| in hammock in his side yard. forgetful
| and careless alike, Mr.. Fairbanks skates
| into Ohio and spellbinds the diploma get
| tiers at Ohio Wesleyan. Besides the oratin
stunt he pays a call to the shack where
| he hung out when he went to that place O.
Iearnin'. and he sat in the same chair he
used to sit in when he didn't have a red
| and mended his own clothes. Wouldn't
| that cause the tears to come to your big
| blue eyes? He's got Sentimental Tommy
| beat to fragile.
| Uncle Joe Cannon has been evolutin'
| banks hot foots &c the Portland expo
| Uncle Joe climbs into a back seat on the
| same train and shows up the platform
after the bunch hits the Rockies.
Mr.. Corteyou has not permitted the cob
| webs to form over his pedal extremities
either Scarcely had Mr. Fairbanks crossed
| to the other side of the Wabash when the
| Postmaster General packs his grip and gives
| the high sign to the Washington pikers
| Next day he looms up in the Hoosier
| state and before the Vice President can
| get back to his freside Cortelyou
has delivered an able line of talk to the
| students at the state university. George
/
| diana and elsewhere, and when 1t comes
| to impressin' the high-browed he leads em
all by a length. Then, too, he wanted to
let Tom Taggarts friends see just what
( the real thing in campaign managers looks
like Tom, you know, has backed off the
| political map since election, and I've been
| told that his place out in Indianapolis has
been Dfnched by some republican cops.
| Then there is La Toilette, the strenuous,
who has had railroad rate bill and a
presidential hope under his hat for some
| weeks. He sides up to a Kansas mob the
| other day and queers himself by speilin'
about Hamlet when the audience came
| from forty miles UP the pike to hear him
| roast the trusts and the Standard Oil Com
| pany. There are few others in the tall
grass, includin' Mr.. Root, Secretary Of
| State. They tell me that he's got Teddy's
promise Of support in the next republican
| national convention, but I overheard Ted
| tellin Bill Taft as he was presidential tim
| Der. In the meantime Mr.. Fairbanks is lay
| in some wires, and II they don't get short
/ circuited snmeXhera It'll be q merry scran