davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
New-York tribune., 1905-01-08

proceeded 10 tne meat Ildl hCI anu
made some purchases. The peasants
from whom he bought. however, re-
fused to accept the coins.
lust let me have the mOney-scales.
said Mikosch. "I1l show you how little
they are lacking in weight.
Taking the scales, in the one pan
he placed the correct weight of the gold
coin and in the other the lightweight
piece, together with a kreutzer. the
smallest Austrian coin. The two pans
now exactly balanced.
"Who would have believed it!" said
the astonished peasants. "If there's
only kreutzer lacking. it doesn't matter.
Hand over your money"
Late at night the humorist inquired
of a man on the street as to the time
of night. Quickly giving him a box
on the ear, the man addressed said:
"It has just struck one"
"What lucky dog l am!' said Mikosch,
rubbing his ear. IF I'd asked him
at twelve O'Clock. he'd have given me
twelve cracks. y
Mikosch saw street in Vienna covered
with straw. and inquired as to the cause.
He was informed that a rich woman
lived on the street. and that as she was
i'll straw had been laid down to prevent
her being disturbed by the noise of
the traffic NIikosch made a mental
note of this, and after returning to his
country-place he had straw spread
in the courtyard so as not to be disturbed
by the lowing and grunting of the farm
animals.
Millosch's servant Janosch came one
day to him with a prayer for forgiveness.
well, what have you done now, you
stupid - cried Mikosch.
"Oh. your honor, l let your coat fall
out of the window while brushing it. "
"Yes. but just think. cried Mikosch
New-York tribune., 1905-01-08

| unwittingly humorous
or ridiculous is charged to the account
of Baron Mikosch, the legendary scape-
goat of Teutonic wit And yet Mikosch
was not always so big a Ounce as he
was made out to be-sometimes it IS
strongly suspected that he is laughing
in his sleeve at those who think they
are getting the better of him. Here are
a few of his sayings and doings:
On the tower of St. Stephens Church
in Vienna are two clock-faces, and on
a certain occasion Mikosch was regard
ing them when a stranger asked him how
it came that there were two faces to
the clock
well, you sec. said Mikosch, "the
reason there are two faces are that in
case one person happens to be looking
at one face the next person needn't
wait for him to get through.
Mikosch once made bet that he could
eat ten apple-dumplings at one sitting.
if the other party would pay for the
O1lDdIly1llS WlllC- AllCA bipC AiAAANAA
dumping, however, he declared him
self beaten Sadly he regarded the tenth
dumping, which still reposed on his
plate. Shaking his finger at it. he
said: "Ah! If I'd known you'd be
left over, I'd have eaten you first. 4"
Mikosch invited timid old man to
accompany him in his carriage across
the country.
Are you a good driver?" he inquired
of MikosCh.
Il should say l was!" replied the
Hungarian Indignantly. "f l hadn't
been, do you suppose I'd have been able
to overturn the carriage the way | did
recently without hurting anybody"
X
In payment of a transaction Mikosch
received several lightweight gold coins.
In order to get rid of them, he promptly
New-York tribune., 1905-01-08
Usim' Up TIN Scraps
By Aloysius Coll

It's queer what Auntie Beck our cook
Can make with all tn scraps
She jes' gifts out her little book
An reads it, while she taps
An beats EN- up with her big spoon.
Then pOurs EN- in a pan,
An shets EN- in tn stove. an sez:
There, now, my little mani"
She bustles roun' an poIles tn fire.
An opens up tn door
T find out if tn puddin's done.
Or has L bake some more.
But. oh, at last! she takes it out,
All puffy in tn pan,
An sez: Now here is somethin' good
Fer auntie's little mani"
An when I taste it, sweet an brown.
An all puffed up in hills,
/ wonder how she makes sech good
Stuff out of little pills
OF bread, an crumb of cake, an milk
An raisins IN a pan
Its ALL" sez Auntie, in tn art
OF miXin', little mani"
An then she sez: An life is all
Like that from day t day;
Some folks. they save tn little scraps.
Some throw EN- all away:
Some make tn sweetes' Puddin' from
TIL sCrapin's of tn pan
That is, if they has learned tn way
To mix EN-, little mani"
New-York tribune., 1905-01-08

4
Mikosch's pet dog Hector was lost:
It's master had printed number of
notices descriptive of the dog. and after
they were ready he said to the printer
Stick them up now all around the
city. but right low. so that all the dogs
can see them.
Tell me this. - said 1Iikosch to his
friend Schandor. How is it that mule
goes to the right when you cry Gee
and to the left when you cry 'Yay
Il can't imagine. 3" said SchandOr.
"Whv is it?''
What a Ounce you are. SchandorI"
said Mikosch. Why. every mule knows
why"
To-day it's going to rain. said
friend to Mil1osch, pointing to the barn
Whenever the weather-cock yonder
points toward the south it's sure 20
rain, and whenever toward the north
We'll have good weather.
A few DAYS later Mikosch was dis
covered on the roof of his barn busilv
tying the weather-cock so as to point
toward the north.
What are you doing up there"
inquired some one.
I've got to make trip to-day.
was the reply. and / want to be sure
of fine weather.
Mikosch met his friend Schandor.
whom he had not seen in a long time,
Thereupon the following conversation
took place between them:
Mikosch: Hello. Schandor! How
goes it?"
Schandor: "Thanks-I've got mar
ried. "
"Ah. that's good!"
Not altogether good. -
why, how's that"
Il married an old woman. "
All, that's badl"
Not altogether bad. -
why. how's that"
The old woman had house d"
All, that's gOod!"
Not altogether good.
why. hows that?"
The house burned down
All, that's badI"
Not altogether bad. "
why, how's that?"
The old woman burned up with it -
Ah-that-is-gOOdl
New-York tribune., 1905-01-08
1 8

Halls Vegetable Sicilian
Hair Renewer. Always re-
stores color to gray hair. The
hair grows rapidly, stops
coming out, does not split at
the ends, keeps soft and
smooth. Sold for sixty years.
known as BUCkINGHAMS DYE. 1t cOlOrs in
stantly rich brown a soft black. h. T.. HALL
& CO.. Nashua, n. II.
New-York tribune., 1905-01-08

IN Germany anything
| unwittingly humorous
New-York tribune., 1905-01-08
'hiGeQOck

proceeded to the meat and have the coat ont
The
New-York tribune., 1905-01-08
YMAGAzN
sSSs>7 BARON MIKOsCH THE SCAPEGoAT VIII
By

joyful1y. what a fortunate
thing it was I didn't
pat onl"
New-York tribune., 1905-01-08

In payment of a transaction Mikosch
received several lightweight gold coins.
In order to get rid of them, he promptly
Manchester Democrat. [volume] (Manchester, Iowa) 1875-1930, 1905-12-06

Snap, snap so the collars about
their necks. and then the bit
snaps on each side are locked
in an instant Thud, thud! come
the men sliding down the pole
and striking the rubber pads placed
below. Bounding to the apparatus
they scramble into their various
places. The driver has jumped to his
seat on the engine and snaps the belt
in place that holds him there. the en-
gineer and fireman also spring on the
engine in the rear. The former
snatches up long cube Of carbon
like substance which the wind cannot
blow out and as he clears the house
lights it and throws 1t into the fire
box which is piled with excelsior and
wood. There is steam up on the en-
CINE constantly, as 1t is connected by
pipes with boiler in the basement
from which the hot water is secured.
AS the engine pulls away from tho
floor pipes valve In the latter is au-
Dramatically closed and the water from
the boiler below turned into sewer.
Almost instantly 1t seems everything
is ready and the driver leaning for
ward and taking up the reins gives q
slight pull toward him. This pull re-
leases a catch in the Iron framework
that holds up the harness. and this
frame flies up to the ceiling, letting
Manchester Democrat. [volume] (Manchester, Iowa) 1875-1930, 1905-12-06
HOOK AND LADDER APPARATUS RESPONDING TO A CALL.

is received. On each side of the stalls
for the horses there is sliding bolt
to which is fastened the halter-strap
that keeps the horses in their stalls
These bolts are operated by switches
located near the man on watch, which
when worked releases the horses and
opens the doors.
When an Alarm Comes.
A light is burning brightly beside
the desk. Inside the rallied Enclosure.
a fireman is sitting. Maybe he is doz-
ing. If he is. he is sleeping with one
eye open. Iii the rear in one of the
stalls another fireman, pitchfork in
land. is shaking up and arranging tile
straw that forms the bed for the
horses. A few passersby stop for a
moment and peer in through the door
way at the spick-and-span apparatus
always in perfect order. Already
some of the horses are down on their
haunches nibbling the hay and pre-
pairing to go TO sleep. Overhead in
the "bnnk-room" the men are prepar-
ing to turn in but few IN one cor
ner linger to watch an interesting
game of checkers.
Cllck-one stroke on the instru-
ment, followed by a succession of 9TH
ers The man Mt the desk springs to
his feet and shouts get up at the
same time throwing the switch; the
lever flies up, the horses are released
They need no command, but are on
their feet even before the fireman
calls and rattle out of their stalls
and under the swinging harness.
Manchester Democrat. [volume] (Manchester, Iowa) 1875-1930, 1905-12-06

three more. another engine, the chem
ical, aerial truck and several hose
wagons were at the fire. together with
25 or 80 men-a small fire department
in itself.
Let us now return to fire house
and see how these alarms are re-
ceived. Near the door of every house
is located small desk. and at this a
fireman sits. Nearby, somewhere on
the apparatus floor. another fireman
may be found cleaning out the horses
stalls, or keeping bright the metal
work on the swinging harness, but
ready In an instant to assist in .'hitch-
ing up" should call or an alarm
come ringing out from the array of in
struments ranged along the wall near
the desk. The man sitting at the desk
is the "man-on-watch," who notes the
alarms. Just before the alarm sounds
on the great gong there is n sharp
click which, to the ordinary listener,
would not be noticed at all, but to
the quick ear of the man on watch
and the equally well-trained ears Of
the horses, there need be no second
stroke to tell that an alarm will fol-
low. This click is caused by the
opening of the electric circuit in
which the station is located.
Near the gong a clock registers, by
the use of magnets. the time the alarm
Manchester Democrat. [volume] (Manchester, Iowa) 1875-1930, 1905-12-06

Let us trace an alarm. This leads
us into the mysteries of the fire alarm
telegraph system, without which the
science of fire-fghting to-day would
be utterly inadequate. A barn is dis
covered on fire. The owner runs to
the nearest box. He opens the door,
and pulls down the lever on the in
side once. Then what does he hear?
Only the bilzzing of machinery at
first, then ting on Il little bell in
side. A pause and then. ting, ting,
ting, ting. ting" Another pause, then
ting, ting, "-1-5-2. the number of the
box. This Is repeated several times
in quick succession and then the buzz
ing stops The alarm has been sent.
1T may seem an age to the owner OF
the burning premises as he stands
there waiting for the firemen to APP
pear. but it is matter of only, few
minutes. For within twenty seconds
this box number is ringing In all the
fire houses. and within one minute
and a half after he releases the lever
the companies are on their way TO the
box. He waits Il couple of minutes,
Soon there appear from all sides APP
paratus from the fire houscsin the dis
trict. The man at the box indicates
by pointing the location of the fire and
the driver Of the first engine to arrive,
who knows the hydrants in his district
MS well as he knows the boxes, runs
his horses to a hydrant nearly oppo-
site the fire. The first company to
arrive dashes into the barn with a
hose. Then others come up and the
fire is soon eXtinguished. In review
ing the events following the pulling
of box 1852 we find that within three
minutes nm engine and truck company
we're op tue scene and that within
Manchester Democrat. [volume] (Manchester, Iowa) 1875-1930, 1905-12-06
Drove a Dead Horse Nine Miles.

Major G. w. Lille (Pawnee Bill)
was showing a party Of Easterners
his fine herd Of bison at Pawnee. Okla.
The talk turned from bison to stage
coaching, and many instances OF won
derful driving, some realistic and
some hyperbolical, were related.
Pawnei, Bill laughed.
There is story" he said, "of
One-eyed Pete Mccoy. If this story is
true the four-in-hand drivers OF the
East-the Alfred vanderbilts and
James Hydes and Loriilard Ronaldsas
are only practicing decayed and
degenerate form of coaching, Before
the next horse show they had better
come out West and learn to drive.
One eyed Pete drove a Dakota
stage coach that made a circuit OF
Deadwood, Carbonate. Spearfish and
Bear Gulch. He was notorious for
his fast and daring yet skillful driv.
ing. &
They say that Pete tore into Car.
Donate one day on his usual dead run.
Like an avalanche the cloach clat-
tered UP to the hotel door. There.
suddenly. 1t stopped, and one Of the
horses fell-stone dead.
"a very sudden DEATH said by
stander.
Sudden? Not at all.' said One
eyed Pete. That there boss died at
the top of the hill, nine miles back,
sir; but want goin' to let him down
till l got to the reg lar stoppin,
place. - Washington Post.
Manchester Democrat. [volume] (Manchester, Iowa) 1875-1930, 1905-12-06
A Chance to Escape.

When the Senator was younger
man than he is now he was elected to
the State Assembly from his district.
The day before the sessions began he
went to the State capital. He wore his
best clothes, the Philadelphia Public
Ledger says, and carried SO much lug
gage that its possession should have
established his responsibility beyond
question. He went to good hotel and
registered.
As he stood in the office, talking
with the proprietor, porter took up
one of his boxes so roughly that the
lid came open and the contents rolled
out on the floor. There were shirts and
shoes and other personal belongings,
and in addition queer continuance
of ropes, block and tackle and a big
steel hook, which Immediately attract
ed the proprietor's attention.
"What have you there?" he asked.
THAT" replied the young assembly
man, "is newly invented fire escape.
l never travel without it. In case of
fire I can let myself down from any
hotel window, no matter how high 1t
may be-"
The landlord frowned.
"Our terms for guests with fire.
escapes, sir, are invariably cash in adj
vance," he said, coldly and firmly.
Manchester Democrat. [volume] (Manchester, Iowa) 1875-1930, 1905-12-06
En- Of a wealthy cotton dealer Of Ans.

er of wealthy cotton dealer of Aus,
In, Tex. She is beauty of the true
southern type, imbued with the daring
spirit and nerve. that so often are
tound in the Western plains girl, and
IS large for her age. Recently, with
her father, her aunt and her GRANDPA
Their, she started on tour of the
Northwest. The party visited Seattle
short time ago and from here went
to Yellowstone Park. There they made
the journey through the park in one Of
the wagons utilized for tourist travel.
A member of the party described
Miss Wells escapade us follows:
Our party had stopped for the noon
hour luncheon, and while the meal was
being prepared Miss Wells and start
ed out to pick few berries. We had
gone but a short distance, when about
100 yards away we saw large CHINA
mon bear browsing among the bushes.
Knowing that all the animals in the
park are more or less tame, we APP
preached the bear. held up my hand,
and the bear, thinking that had some
thing for him to eat, stood on his hind
feet and reached up, but, finding that
he had been deceived. shook his head
angrily and walked away. My young
companion then ran back to the wag.
on and returned with a few cookies.
Again we approached the bear and
Miss Wells held one of the cookies ont
in her hand. The bear repeated the
same performance he had gone
through with me. but this time he
found something. Miss Wells gradu-
ally drew back her hand while the bear
was reaching for it until the animals
head was over her shoulder, and then.
while lie was eating the cookie, she
reached around his neck with her 9TH
er hand and Rugged him tightly. NV
heart seemed to stop beating, but i
dared not yell, for the animal would
be startled and attack the girl. When
he had finished eating the cookie. how.
ever, he merely dropped down on nil
tours again and sauntered off into the
brush. In all my experiences l have
never seen more reckless or daring
and even dangerous action by young
woman"
Manchester Democrat. [volume] (Manchester, Iowa) 1875-1930, 1905-12-06

steps to meet slender child of o
years, who was leading pale, bowed
down man, who walked with difficulty,
leaning on crutch.
Heart alive, childw said Miss
Comfort, whose kindly nature invoun-
tarily sympathized with all who were
suffering or in distress, what ails
you, and what do you want here?'
"Please, ma'am," began the child,
eagerly, 'lf you could give us Il nights
lodging-poor papa is so sick and tired,
and"
mo, / can't" abruptly broke in Ella
kim Fairhaven. This amt no aims
house, nor yet charity place"
Slowly and YEARLY the two poor
travellers turned and plodded their
way down the broad, dusty road-the
languid footsteps of the invalid scarce
keeping up with the tripping pace of
the child.
They had walked what seemed to
Esther Bell a weary way, when there
was rustic among the wild rose
bushes that overhung the stone wall
at their side, and voice called hur-
riedly to them to stop"
ITS me-" said Miss Comfort Fair
haven.
"Elikim-that's my brother-he's
gone over to the class meetin at
Squire Dundas', and l cut down
through the lots to overtake you. 1
tell you can't somehow get your IA
theirs face out of my mind You're
sick, amt you, mister?"
Il shall soon be quite we'll" he an
sWered, calmly W and Comfort Fair.
Manchester Democrat. [volume] (Manchester, Iowa) 1875-1930, 1905-12-06
FIREMEN OF A CITY.
WHAT HAPPENS WHEN AN
ALARM COMES IN.
Alertness with which the Several
Companies of Fire Fighters Re
spond-Methods of Noting Alarms
"A Peep Into the Department..

An alarm of fire! How much this
suggests to the mind-the fright, the
confusion, the destruction of property,
the possible loss of life-the putting
engines and the shouting men! How
the blood tingles as after the clang Of
the fire bell comes the sharp sound OF
the engine gong, Its iron voice crying
jargon Of warning! What excite
ment it causes! Truckmen hastily
drive their wagons to the curb; street
cars are brought to halt and pedes-
trians leap nimbly aside. Then down
the street, under clouds of rolling
black smoke comes the fire engine.
The plunging horses are going like
mad and the glistening body of the ap-
paratus sways from side to side with
the terrific speed. Leaning far out
from his little iron seat, the daring
driver urges the maddened horses to
even greater speed. With a roar and
clang the engine flies by. Then
comes the sharp, staccato sound of a
single horse ut furious gallop, and
the fire chiefs gig flashes by. In the
distance there is the wild ringing Of
the bell on the aerial truck. Three
magnificent horses plunging along at
top speed and behind them the mon
ster hook and ladder careening along
with its sides lined with men! Far
down under the ladders, hunched up in
his seat of iron, is the til!erman, who
steers this monster apparatus. Upon
him depends the safety of all his COM
rades. No use for the driver to han
die his horses with the hands of a
master If the steersman lose his head
for single Instant In the tillerman's
seat must bea man with calm head
and nerves of iron. Amid the sway
ing and lurching, tile crashing and
yelling, his eyes never WAIVER from the
driver. A sharp turn to the right, he
holds his tiller steady until the ladders
have Strengthened out on the turn, and.
then he tugs with might and main to
twist the rear wheels into their new
path. Then the long dash-straight
away, with his watching, waiting for
the next turn, and above him the tire.
less bell, crashing out its warning.
1t is an inspiring sight-this watch.
Ing firemen answering an alarm, but
how many realize the intricate agen-
cies which start these great machines
almost on the instant of the call? Ler
us step into fire house and become
acquainted. The first thing we notice
after glancing at the shining appar-
atus and the great alarm gong, are the
books in orderly array in desk. The
Manchester Democrat. [volume] (Manchester, Iowa) 1875-1930, 1905-12-06
What They Think Of Her.

Her Lover-I cannot wait to sec
her! oh, the agony of separation!
Her Dressmaker-It seems a pity.
she is SO long-waisted. Otherwise she
would have SO much style.
Her Brother-Oh, how tired she
makes me.
Her Father-I've spent $4,000 on y
that girl since she was born.
Her Maid-What pity her clothes
don't At me.
Her Enemy-she never troubles
me bit. never think Of her.
Her sunday-school Pupil oh. my.
amt she just beautiful!
Her Hair Dresser-It's pity her
scalp isn't better nourished.
Her Old Chum- She isn't what she
used to be. sometimes wonder,
Her Platonic Friend7-I knew she
would be spoiled by love some day.
Her New Acquaintance What q
bright girl! &
The Cynic She knows about as lit
tie as any Of them.
Her Grandmother-To me she will
never be anything more than . child.
Manchester Democrat. [volume] (Manchester, Iowa) 1875-1930, 1905-12-06

haven's more experienced eye detected
the hidden meaning which the little
girl never once suspected
Where you going?' said kind Miss
Fairhaven.
I'VE are going to my grandpapa,'
said little Ess:e. 'Grandpapa was
vexed with 10y mamma for marrying
my papa and going to England, but
papa thinks he'll take care of me now!
But won't stay with him unless papa
stays, toop'
II suppose you want to get to
Lousdade?" said Miss Comfort.
The man nodded.
ELEVEN good miles yet" said Miss
Comfort; but I'll tell you what-Ill
make Jacob get out the wagon, and
with a good buffalo robe over the
seats, you'll ride easy enough. They'll
be back after Eliaktm gets through
shoutin' and prayin'-I hain't no pa
tience with that kind o. religion-and
while you're waitin' I'll bring down a
snack o. bread and meal and bottle
of my currant wine. 'Tain't good to
travel on an empty stomach"
=
~ know I'm pretty old to be lookin,
arter situation" said Miss Comfort
ITairhaven, but can't starve, nor
won't beg, SO what's there left? We
had good farm once, but my brother
couldn't rest till he had speckilated all
away, and now he's gone and I'm all
alone. So, If you know of good place
as housekeeper, or matron in an asy.
lum, or general overseer, don't care
where"
The intelligence office keeper, with
slight shrug of his shoulders broke
in on the torrent of Miss Fairhaven's
explanatory eloquence.
What wages do you ask?
Poor Miss Comfort-the blank word
wages called rusty glow to her
cheek.
Il amt particular about that so
long as it's good home"
Here's place that might perhaps
suit you-housekeeper wanted at Mr..
Duponceau's, No. Fifth avenue,
You might try 1t, although hardly
think person of your appearance
would suit"
Miss Comforts heart, like that of the
Queen of Sheba of old, grew faint
within her as she sat in the luxurious
reception room of the Fifth avenue
mansion.
The door swung open on its silver
plated hinges, and tall young lady
in blue silk morning robe entered.
Miss Comfort rose and dropped a
stiff little courtesy.
i've called to see" she began.
but to her amazement the rest of her
speech was abruptly checked by n
young lady's arms being thrown round
her neck.
"oh, Pm so glad to see your she
cried out, ecstatically. 81 thought |
never should see you again. / went to
the old farm, but you had gone away.
nobody knew whittier. If It had not
been for your kindness papa never
could have lived to reach his home.
And you shall live with me always
now and be my darling old friend!"
So Miss Comfort Fairhaven stayed.
nominally a housekeeper-rcally the
trusted and revered head of the es-
Enlistment, and her declining years
were surrounded by peace ard lux
ury.-1ndianapolis Sun.