Lincoln County leader. [volume] (Toledo, Lincoln County, Or.) 1893-1987, 1905-08-18
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Saviour new auto is sixteen horse
power, isn't it? Fox-Um! Sixteen
baiky horse power.-Brooklyn Life.
Diner-I've been waiting half an
hour for that chicken | ordered. Wait
er-You have an uncommon amount OF
patience, sir.-Judge.
Shells skin grating a very late
discovery? He-No, it is only a new
branch of a very old art; all grating Is
a skin profess.-Detroit Free Press.
Sometimes a man is despised for
twenty or thirty years because he is so
stlngy, and then envied all the rest
of his life because he is so rich.-Som-
erville Journal.
You haven't been here long" re-
marked the ink-well. NO" replied the
new blotter. How do you like your
work." well, its certainly absorb
ing."-Philadelphia Ledger.
Husband-You ought to know more
than to order a pearl necklace when
you know how I'm fixed! Wife-Why.
John, do you think l want everybody
to know how you're fxed?-Puck.
well, Doctors Brown and Smith are
going to operate upon old Gotrox." rs
the operation necessary" why, yes;
Brown has a note coming due, and
Smith wants an automobile Puck.
Mistress Ito applicant for cooks DO
sition)-Why did you leave your last
place? Applicant-You are very in
quisitive, marin. / didn't ak yer what
for yer last cook left you.-Pick-M Me-
Up.
Miss lnnit-You seemed bored at the
theater last night, Mr.. Knott. Don't
you like Shakespeare? Mr.. Wyse
hnott-Oh, Shakespeare's all right, I
s'pose, but | wisht he'd turn out some-
thing new.-Ex.
ALBERT, dear, while looking through
some of your old clothes, made such
a lucky find that l ordered a new dress
on the strength of It," What was if.
dear?" Half a dozen checks that had
never been written on"
Rastus Ito druggisD-Look hyah.
misteh. Yo' all sole me some stuff to
make Easteh aigs yestuddy. Drug
gist-Well? Rastus-Well, | feed hit
to dem hens, an dey ain lay no aigs
-dey lay down en- die.
Mrs. Smith-Had your daughter a
pleasant voyage? Mrs. N~ewrich-Yes,
but they must have had an accident.
She wrote she landed on Terra Flrma,
and / know the boat was bound for
Liverpool.-New York Mail.
Growell lin cheap restaurant-Here.
waiter! Are these mutton or pork
chops? Waiter-Can't you tell by the
taste? Growell-No. Waiter-Then
what difference does it make what
they are?-lllustrated Bits.
Mammal thought there was an ap-
pie on the sideboard and | was going
to give 1t to you, but l find it isn't
there! Freddy-Well, will you give
me something else, mummy, COS it
wasn't a very good one?-Punch.
"One-half of the worlds happiness is
solved when a person learns to mind
his W business" Eyes, but it's the
other half that causes the most trou-
bic" whats that?" Getting other
people to mind theirs. '-Detroit Free
Press.
Mrs. Gadabout-People are SAYING
you called on Mrs. Verdigris the other
haU and Unf q CnthA,l NJ, .l
-What a wilful perversion of truth! |
called on her, and got back a set of
Dickens that I'd loaned her two years
before.
Mrs. Nuwad-Here's the bread I
started to make today. Isn't it too
annoying? Mr.. Nuwed-Why, it isn't
baked at all. Mrs. Nuwed-I know it
isn't; that's just it. I put plenty of
baking powder in it, but it doesn't
seem to have worked.
La Montt-Children are so much
worse than they used to be. What
do you attribute it to? La Moyne-
Improved ideas in building. La Montt
What has that to do with it? La
Moyne-Much. Shingles are scarce.
and you can't spank a boy with a tin
roof.
A Process Reversed: "You regard
campaign calculations as a distinct
branch of mathematical" "Yes," an
swered the erudite parsonage. 'The
method differs from all others. You
start with the answer, and then work
ba and evolve n nroh1on, 10