davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-10-23

THAT reminds me-" said Manager
John H Langton of the BeIvedere, as he
finished telephoning regrets too launch
4ng party on Mr.. Sylvanus Stokes boat,
the Madge, ''of an experience I had in
New York-once upon a time. 1 was
invited to go with a yachting party
down the Sound, and couldn't make it.
Just for joke sent a note to my host
saying that I was sorry L couldn't go,
but he could make it right by just
sending me what he thought I would
have won on the trip Thought it was
a greta joke, I did. That evening a
boy brought a message, collect, and
the message ran:
Dear Langton: You lost s37.45.
Please remit by bearer
And what did you dO-send him the
money2"
mot, Father John! I wrote across
the note. Opened by mistake. H. L
and fired it back The boy collected
double charges on the other end.-Balti-
more News.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-10-23

which is a performer on some kind of
musical Instrument,
Bostonian, who was visiting the
mouse OF the Waterbury man. re-
ferred to this fact. remarfxine that IT
must be source of great pleasure to
me family, but to this observation the
father made no reply.
Really" continued the Bostonian,
IL IS remarka bic. Your younger son
Is a cornetist, both your daughters are
pianists, your wife is a yiolinist, and,
1 understand. the others are also
musicians Now what are you. the
Iather Of such a musical conbina-
replied the old man. sareas-
tleally. 4 am a pessimist. =Farper's
Weekly.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-10-23
Ignorance of the sea.

Captain Kaempf of the Deutschland
was entertaining a little group of pas
sengers with sea stories.
why is it." said Captain Kaempf,
that landsmen are so ignorant of the
sea. Seamen are not ignorant of the
land. 1t is only, in fact, through know
ing the land well enough to avoid it
that seamen keep their ships afiOat.
But landsmen's ignorance of the
seat is depIorable.
''In Bremen one day I saw a farmer
looking at the shipping in the harbor
A longshoreman was explaining the
shipping to him. Finally 1 heard the
longsh brennan say:
1T low water, sir.
THE farmer took his pipe out of his
mouth and pointing it solemnly to-
ward a heavily laden tramp. steamer
that was passing:
It's a. good thing for that vessel
going past that it is low water he said.
The waters near over the edge of her
now. New York Times.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-10-23
Peril III Peanut Butter.

The last case 7 will mention at this
time was on this wise: She returned
in the evening from a shopping foray
and casually mentioned that she had
some peanut butter. She set it down in
the kitchen. Later in the evening he
slipped out in the kitchen in a sort of
desultory. quiet, and unostenatious
way, and cut a piece of bread and set
about spreading on some of the peanut
butter. In the dim light he did well,
and got plenty on, but unfortunately
she had not mentioned that she had
also bought some enameline for polish
ing the stovepipe. When the bread was
spread he took a mouthful of it, the
kind oS a mouthful man is apt to
take when the restraints and formah-
ties of effete society are far from him.
Then he placed some handsome but I'M
premeditated stucco work on the newly
painted walls of the kitchen, and from
that date things began to get twisted
and there was not that delightful
camaraderie that there had been. She
got alimony two years later, and it was
charged that he had spells of temper,
and on one occasion went into the
kitchen just after it had been newly
painted and filed his mouth with some
black substance, and then, like China
man wettine down an ironing. spurted
it seventy-two ways from Sunday. That
shows how unfaira woman is when she
gets after a person she no longer likes.
Magazine oS Fun
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-10-23

Banker DOugherty is not the only
victim of the reform wave" that is
sweeping over the country. There is
a suspicion that Mr.. Dougherty may
have wrongly diagnosed his case. and
that his misfortune was really caused
because he was an embezzler. instead
of by the reform wave" to which he
attributed it.
But this time there is a real victim
of the reform wave At least the
attorney for the Imperial Brewing
company, which has just failed, as
serts that the misfortunes of that con-
Germ were caused by the wave
Listen to him: There were many
reasons why the company failed he
says. Most important of ali I think
was this wave of reform in Kansas.
1t has been hard enough for the
brewers in Missouri but worse in kan
sas. They are closing UP the joints on
the Kansas side and locking the sa-
looms on Sunday on this side. We
have sixteen saloons in Wyandotte
county, Kansas. that will have to close.
Our biggest business in Kansas was
in the southern part Of the state. One
jointkeeper in Cherokee county, Kan
sas, owes us $4,000 and refuses to pay.
He said we could sue, but we couldn't
collect anything in Kansas because
the saloon business is illegal and
brewery claims have no standing in
court. In some places the sherirs are
after the jointkeepers, and paying his
bills is the last thing the jointkeeper
thinks about under such circuna-
stances. The beer business is in hard
lines in most of Kansas
"On the Missouri side we have trou-
bles too. Sunday closing knocked
the profit out of a great many saloons.
We have sixty saloons in Jackson
county. Missouri. This counts few
outside of Kansas City. It has been
the practice of brewers to rent the
good locations by taking long leases
on them. The saloonkeeper rented
from the brewery by the month For
merly the brewer could get some profit
out of the rent but we have cases
where the brewery is paying SIS a
month on a lease, with three or four
years to run. but is getting only $50 a
month now. Some saloons have had
to close, and the places are used now
for butcher shops. grocery stores and
the like. The Imperial is not the only
brewery. that has suffered; they have
all suffered. but it was new and
heavily incumbered, so it could not
hold out like the rest
When one considers conditions cit is
not surprising that the breweries and
liquor companies lose heavily in a
prohibition crusade. The brewers pay
for the bar fixtures in most Kansas
towns where joints are. run, and no
sooner are they confscated than the
brewing companies begin replevin
suits to regain possession Of them.
1t is not in the loss. of trade alone
that the liquor companies lose, but
rather in bad bills. The man that viii
sell whisky and debauch his fellow
man viii not hesitate to beat his
creditors. And with a county Jail
staring him in the face the average
iointist is not going to worry any
about his debt to some brewery, even
if he were inclined to be honest
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-10-23
A Prince Of Buffers.


The late Thomas Coldwell, the in
ventor of the lawn mower, was a great
adnlirer Of witty and alert persons.
At a dinner IN New York Mr.. Coldwell
said of a famous millionaire:
This man through hard luck once
had to work as a butler. He made an
excellent butler. Let me give you an
instance of the sort of work he did.
His mistress was giving a dinner
party OF twelve covers on a certain
evening. One Of the courses consisted
of scalloped oysters in silver shells.
The set of silver shells was broken
there were only eleven. The mistress.
therefore, told the butler that she
would not eat any oysters, and thus
there would be just enough to go
around.
"rThe butler. when the oyster course
came, placed before the lady one of
the shells. To his horror she did not
decline it. Calmly she let it rest be-
fore her. If she started to eat it, one
guest would be short of oysters. What
was the matter with her, anyway
THE butler watched her neryously.
She took up her fork. She was actu-
ally about to plunge it into the dainty
she'll. Then the man, ever alert and
ready few to her side, and bent over
her respectfully.
" Pardon me, madam he muir
INJURED, but you said / was TO remind
you that the doctor forbade your eat
ing oysters on any account. Los
Angeles Times.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-10-23

There is a Philadelphian. having a
summer home near Cape Cod. who
takes great pride in his cranberry
meadow On one occasion this gentle
man was entertaining an Englishman
at dinner when the latter partook for
the frst time in his life Of the deIicacy
known as Cranberry sauce" He was
delighted with it Indeed. SO much and
so often did he express pleasure that.
when he had returned to- London. the
Phfladelphian Sent him a barrel Of the
finest Cape Cod eranberries. A month
or so passed. and then there came a
letter of acknowledgment from the
Briton.
ct was awfully good Of you" said
he. among other things, ito send me
those berries. and I thank you. Tn
fortunately. they all soured ON the way
over. -Harper's Weekly.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-10-23
8 Pertinent Question.


Those who know J. Pierpont Morgan
intimately know how intolerant he ie of
the man Of vacillating mind. On one
occasion he had been made very i'm
patient by the president Of an organiza-
ton in which he was a director An i'm
portant matter was hanging fire. and
for three consecutive days the board had
gathered about the long. polished table
in the directors room. At each meeting
the president 4wabbled' more and more.
first this way. then that, and at each
meeting Mr.. Morgan grew more ana
more FESTIVE. Turning to a neizhbor he
suddenly exclaimed:
Our president is either very
MachievelH in his methods Of fencing
for time or else the finest specimen Of
a jelIydsh ever saw" Then. rising
and in tone Of great suavity. he asked:
"Mr. President. if you please. may we
have your 5 o'clock opinion 2,'-New
York Times.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-10-23
KANSAS COAAENT
THE RATLROAD BOARD.

The last legislature authorized and
directed the state board Of railway
commissioners to ascertain from the
rate sheets and records of the railroads
the rate per ton per mile on local as
also on through freights in the states
OF Iowa. Texas, Nebraska, Missouri ana
Illinois, for the purpose Of determining
whether Kansas was beiHg charged a
higher average freight rate than her
adjoining sister prairie states. The
commissioners included in their report
the freight rates of the mountain state
of Colorado, a state where the cost OF
railroad construction is four or hve
times greater per mile than in Kansas,
and where the unending steep grades
render operation very expensive, com
paratively. ''Double-headers'' is the
rule for both passenger and freight
trains on all the mountain roads OF
Colorado BY adding Colorado rates 10
the prairie states the average rate as
a whole is materially increased. The
purpose for which the higher COLORADO
rate was included by the commission
was to make it appear that Kansas on
an average is not paying hlgher
freight rate than adjoining western
states. OF course this unauthorized
piece of fmpudence upon the part OF
the state board of railway commission
ers was perpetrated in the interest OF
Kansas railways, and no doubt was m
spired by their attorneys.-N ichlta
Eagle.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-10-23

The full August moon bulged out of
the great boundless sea, just as the al
manac said it would, and. having no
strings to it, sailed high into the starry
sky that is spread over Atlantic City.
Seated on one of the big piers was
sweet young girl. Bet to the limit that
she wasn't alone. and rake in the pot
CHANGING at the aforesaid moon, the
fair one sighed a large heaveful sigh.
Of course, he sighed. too and although
the waves We're not running as nigh
as the price of souvenirs, he took an
extra hitch on her Waistline lest she
might be washed into the watery deep.
This summer has seemed like
dream" she sadly said, without trying
to break away from her moorings, land
my going tomorrow is the rude awaken
Must you go tomorrow. Graee?' re
sponded he in a voice that was almost
sobful Cant you stay a few more
days? Can't your
'Papa's orders are imperative. and I
must return to washington, return to
the giddy whirl of social life. But. oh
how much would I rather remain here.
How much
SBut. Grace" pleaded poor Harry
will YOU think of me when you are in
your swell Washington home2 VIII
you occasionally let your mind wander
far out to me on my fathers great
western ranch? Will you be true
yes. Harry" she softly cooed: but
YOU know that you will be elected to
the senate soon, and then we shall meet
again.
Charley" said one of the heads in
philadelphia department store. take
that cheek down to the exchange desk
and see what became of the goods
'All right. sir replied Charley, as he
hastily hustled away.
AS the young man from Manayunk
approached the desk he noticed that
new girl was there, and instantly it be-
nooved him to STOP look. and listen.
sGracet" he exclaimed in astonish-
ment.
''Why. Harry" she wonderingly re-
sponded.
Il thought you said" said he. chat
." 4 thought you said,s said she, that
you
But what's the use.-Philadelphia
Telegraph.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-10-23

In certain parts Of the west bluebirds
are harbingers of spring, and kinder
garten teacher, noting their appearance,
decided to have a bird lesson and call
the attention OF the children to the ar
rival Of their feathered friends After
a short talk on birds in general she
said:
This morning as I was on my way
to school I noticed something flying
about in the sky that told me spring
was coming. Can any of YOU little
children guess what I saw
Eyes. um.'' Dined 2 wee one, whose
home had recently been fumigated for
measles. ..its germs -Lippincotts
Magazine.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-10-23

Governor Hoch does seem to be an
easy mark. His latest yielding to the
M, x. & T railway company the use
of the states name for the purpose OF
starting a contest for the possession OF
a million acres or so of Indian lana
that otherwise would some day ran
into the hands of good white farmers.
Governor Bailey turned the proposition
down, but Lawyer Madden, who prob
ably got his job for this very purpose,
worked the friendship racket on the
governor and gained his point.-CIay
Center DISPATCH
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-10-23

Kansas is breaking It's record IN
the production of oil. The states
wheat crop, too, is so large that It has
TO stand around in the climate wait
ing for granaries to be built TO house
it or for special trains to come along
and move it to market A Populist
meeting this fall in Kansas would be
a great success except for one thing.
There would be no audience.-Chicago
News.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-10-23

THE JOCOsE 8IE3- ROCKET Fl iElzAsae
In sooth. 'twere something me TO pc
A humorfst Ike friend john u
Who vows with such convincing Sesr
He vastly loves merry jest.
If weary grows his wit or weak
His bank account for him may speak
One line from him. the sages vote,
Surpasses cen what Shakespeare wrote
No DR.. johnson, grimly gay,
No Swift, Xoltaire nor Raveiatss
Nor Sydney Smith for mine. d be
A humorist like friend John -.
Washington Star.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-10-23

Did President Roosevelt have Mr..
Rockefeller or the insurance presidents
in mind when he said. 1.-THE dangerous
scoundrel is the seoundrel who sue
ceeds."
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-10-23

From the way that Peoria grand jury
ground out indictments against Banker
Dougherty, one might suppose that it
was paid according to the number it
could drd
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-10-23

A Georgia sheriff refused to come all
the way to Kansas City to get a con-
fessed negro murderer. OF course.
Georgia has enough OF that kind right
at home
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-10-23
pAINFITI. SILENCE.

Joe Wright, of Smith Center, is ask
ing the true blue fellows what they
think would happened to Tom Kelly
had Roosevelt been governor of KAN
sas. We haven't heard the answer
Belleville Freeman.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-10-23

What is the Democratic party to
dog" asks an eastern exchange. Is
the Democratic party getting tired Of
Its job OF throwing rocks at the Re
rarrhlicane2
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-10-23

OF course Mr.. McCurdy sees no
necessity for resigning as long as the
directors stand by him and the funds
hold out, no matter whether any new
business comes in or not.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-10-23

Allegheny" says the Chicago Trib-
une, furnishes the necessary third in
che list Of sensational bank scandals"
fThe Milwaukee incident was the first;
who can guess the second?
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-10-23
WHAT WHITE IS DOING.

NJ Witte is showing ability IN other
than the diplomatic line. By getting
rebuked for his modesty in keeping
himself in the background and by as
surfing his countrymen that all classes
in the United States were really IN
sympathy with Russia. he is adding
vastly to the gayety Of nations.-Balti-
more american.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-10-23

Morton Aibaugh suggests that Gov
ernor Koch publish the Rowett report
and the report Of his own accountant
ia parallel columns. The governor will
probably receive the suggestion and
place it on file at the bottom Of the
deepest drawer of his desk
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-10-23

In opposing Boss Cox in Cincinnati,
Secretary Taft seems to be putting into
practice the advice of President Roose-
Welt to refuse to stand for corruption
on the plea of party expediency.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-10-23

hadn't the women folks who have
been so industriously throwing fat
irons and things In the direction of
senator Smoot, better turn their efforts
I'm the direction of some Of the other
members of ''the most distinguished
legislative body on earth ~
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-10-23

when the lotteries used to flourish
ia Kansas City. kan. they had most
81 the officials and everybody else that
could make them trouble, on tlie pay
rolI. The insurance companies seem to
nave been dealing the same way with
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-10-23

FEBRUARY, Hungary's new prime min
lister, has a name that looks as though
the first two months of the year had
been pied to make it,
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-10-23

Tom Kelly doesn't seem to be so
smart and original as people thought
him TO be. The plan Of loaning state
money to friends through banks has
been I'm vogue in Pennsylvania for
Years
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-10-23

Perhaps the various state legisla-
lures were the eleemosynary objects
Mr.. Curdy had in mind when telling
why the Mutual was organized.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-10-23

The state Journal IS a member Of the
Associated Press and receives the fun day
telegraph report Of that great news Or
SaliaEatlon for exclusive evening puDA-
c@Elon ia Topeka.
Lhl state Journal receives for exclusive
pubsl eatlon the leased wire report or tne
ublieherg' Press for the edition for sun
day morning.
1he news Is received in the state Jour
mai building over wires for this sole pur-
pose.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-10-23

Oklahoma still has considerable gov
eminent land, but after Oregon's ex-
perience it is Fastening TO get it all
taken up by homesteaders before any
United states senators are elected down
Ff,.ro
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-10-23

AS President Mccall explains it, this
life insurance companies We're simply
insuring their lives against the fata
activity of the state legislatures
Chicago News.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-10-23

When it comes to railroad rate regu
1ation the president is something Of Z
standpatter himself.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-10-23
LONELY Village.

oyster Bay is now ready 70 be Glass;
ed among the deserted summer capt.
tails of the world.-New York Tribune.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-10-23

The German newspapers are indus
triously shooting at the American army
and navy, but so far they haven't hit
"a 1,srfs7g17pr
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-10-23

Russell Harding asserts that rate
regulation, according to President
Roosevelts programme, can't be ac-
cumplished. OF course it can't as long
as Nr. Harding and his fellow mag
mates can keen the United States SEN
. IL In line
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-10-23

Perhaps the insurance presidents
think they should really be compliment
ed for not getting away with more OF
the widows and orphans, money.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-10-23

President Roosevelt's views regarding
rate legislation are somewhat
similar to the laws of the Modes and
Persians-they are immutable.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-10-23
FpOM OTHER PENS
-=-..---=-= :: - -
RIfT ARE THEY2

one way of putting it is that the
men drive women into liberal arts by
monopolizing law and medicine.-Chi-
eago Record-Herald.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-10-23

President Roosevelt is really expect
ing a frost in the south aud will be dis
appointed IL he doesn't get it,
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-10-23
a No. SUGGESTION.

JOIln d ROokeTeIIer -WepL COI5lDusIY
when his Cleveland neighbors gave
him the glad hand the other day.
Probably after they left he had his
tear puddles skinned for the oil
Houston Post
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-10-23
MORE OF EN-.

Secretary BOnaDarte brings home to |
the people of Maryland in startling /
manner the true significance OF the !
poe amendment when he declares that |
if it is passed it viii disfrancnise more /
white men than negroes.-Pittsburs /
Dispatch.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-10-23

Nigh to a car he had just repaired
stood the roadside smith His arms were
barred.
His work was done. He'd mended a
spring.
He had patched a tire, and fixed the
thing
That broke the jigger that caused the
crash.
And he stood there waiting for his cash.
And he said to the chauffeur, with a grin.
II gather EN- in. I gather en- in"
CHICAGO Tribune.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-10-23
JOB FOR ROJEsrvENsKY

It Is SUGGESTED mat 6oJesINeI1sEIy
would make a crack officer for the
command of the Canadian revenue
cutter that is trying to keep American
poachers out of Canadian waters He
is death to fishermen -Pittsburg Dis
patch.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-10-23

the big political Participating the one
that seemed most dangerous on the pay
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-10-23

Turn your thoughts TO higher
things" said Mr.. Rockefeller to the
delegation of Cleveland citizens. And
the Office Immediately sent out a notice
raising the price of Oil.-Rochester
Herald.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-10-23

Mr.. Lawson is now saying. 'I told
you 500 and he has the documents to
prove sc.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-10-23

Mr.. Carnegie says long hair on the
head fs a germ breeder. That is where
,ehe bald-headed man is ahead.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-10-23

1t wiz be interesting to discover now
Sc Jimmie Hyde can know less than
M. BLcCurdy about the insurance busi-
mess