Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1905-03-11
ALL ARE BEAUTIFU L

'The thing that for great many years
has had me dashed to the mast and asleep
at the SWITCH observed the man with the
interrogative eye, "is this problem as to
how and why and what for every woman
that we read about in the newspapers Is
beautiful
II have spent many seepless nights en-
deavoring to dope out the answer to this
one.
1.-The young school girl. who becomes
weary of the world and jumps on the old
bridge into the crick in an attempt to
commit suicide because her girl chum has
conquered her in game of jacks. Is In
evitably beautiful and whole lot oftener
than not she's highly accomplished
1.-The girl hold-uppist of No Mans Land
or the Bad Lands, who holds up stage
coaches and busts bronchos and her friends
and wears a two-foot-wide sombrero COW
cred with jingle bells and buckskin leg
gings, is never described in the newspapers
as anything else but beautiful 1t Is gen
orally added however, that, beautlfuf as
she Is and always has been, she IS way
ward
1.-The eighty-second vice president of the
Daughters Of the Darwnian Evolution Is
always described as 'maturely beautiful,
and in no other way.
1.-The typewriter girl who appears on the
witness stand to testify in behalf of heI
else but 'radiantly beautiful.
THE ongsomble lydy-not the chorus gri'
you understand, but the ongsomble lydy-
who used to do stunts at the chaste Seed
you Teayter. and who now gets 81, 456 rs:
two automobiles, four barrels or prOleo
live Holsters and a bushel or so OF Kim
berley rocks a week, is never anything else
but beautiful if 1 know how to read.
1.-The young woman who has run away
from her home in Culpeper county, V1r-
ginia, and is found by the police at Wash
ington vaudeville show, with bag OF pea
nut brittle in each hand. wouldn't be 3
runaway girl If she couldn't be described
in the papers as beautiful
"All the social daybootanties are bee
yu-ti-ful.'
'All female shoplifters nailed in the act
of acquiring things in the department stores
are set down in the press as beautiful
so are all the New York Sunday school
teachers who marry their Chinese puplls
and go down to Mott street to keep house.
Every rustic bride who gets married uT
in captive balloon at the county fair OF
in the lions cage at the circus is 'beauti-
full
''All the women who cut their little chill
drens threats because they don't want
to have the children suffer the miseries OF
dyspepsia or unrequited love when they
grow up are 'ravshingly beautiful.
Whenever a woman with wildly gifted
Imagination hOrSewhipS some 1nofenslve
man on the street for 'slandering her the
papers portray her as woman of remark
able beauty
THE crone who beats her stepdaughter
to death with f1atiron for failing to wipe
her shoes on the doormat before entering
the kitchen is generally described as a
woman of great refinement of features, be-
tokening the former possession of consider
able beauty
'And so on, down the list
1.-The bother of it to me is that there are
slews and slathers of positively homely
women in the world, and l can't understand
why nothing ever happens to the homely
women to get their names in the papers.
still, don't suppose it 'ud exactly do to
refer to Miss Varioloid Eightseasons, the
remarkably homely but accomplished
daughter of Judge q. Y. Eightseasons or
to write in the paper that Miss Patience
Waitingly, who has a face like a boxing
glove or Chinese kite, but who neverthe-
less won the eating contest last
Thursday evening, will be at home Wednes-
days hereafter or that Mrs. Ohfewdge
Runitall is visiting friends in Anacostia,
or things like that What?"