The Lexington dispatch. [volume] (Lexington, South Carolina) 1870-1917, 1905-07-26


ing around saying to himself:
..There-I've got this room all done.
I'LL be cooler and healthier with the
carpet up, and so l won't mind that.
Four days to clean house! | wonder
what Mrs. Bowser could have been
thinking OFF,
There were three bedrooms upstairs,
and an hour and Il half finished them.
In taking down the curtains from the
windows of the last room Mr.. Bowser
ana the stepladder went over in com
pany, and he was sitting up and rub
biuc the back of his hea0eind seeing
stars when the cook came running up
to ask:
"Will yez give me one minutes
warming before I'm to be scattered to
all eternity?'
'.Nobody's going to eternity he re-
piled as he tried to smile.
Then what was that crash, like
thousand oxen falling off a haystack?
How many times, may ask, can yez
fall like that and not bring the house
down wild yez:"
Didn't tell you not to mind few
crashes?" hotly replied Mr.. Bowser.
I'm running this thing, and If you get
hurt I'm good to pay all damages. Get
down to your work"
Cooky reluctantly descended the
stairs, and FIVE minutes later the light
ming house cleaner descended to the
parlor. There was grin of anticlpa-
ton on his face as he looked around
him. Here was real house cleaning
and no make believe. All the damage
he had done upstairs was to break a
pane of glass; knock the corner OF a
picture frame and lose two casters
from the dresser, but here!
he began on the front parlor. Down
came the curtains and portieres, the
chairs and sofa went a-skittering, the
pictures came off the walls with
whew, and before his back could begin
to ache all the rugs were out of the
back window. 1t was truly lightning
transformation scene. He had called
for feather ruster and dust rag,
and after devoting five minutes to rest
he mounted the stepladder and began
to dust He wanted to leave nothing
for Mrs. Bowser's critical eye to find
fault with. He had famed along the
ceiling few feet with the duster when
he oyerbalanced himself as he reached.
He knew he was going, but he was
HELPLESS. except to yell. He uttered
one shriek-a shrek that lifted cooky
below him a foot high as she ironed
away-and then there came the sound
Of q thunderous crash.
'Tell me, is it slaughtered ye are?
demanded Jane from the foot Of the
stairs.
No answer.
"Is the missus to come hcme and
fnd yez dead and buriedT'
Not leaf stirred.
Mrs. Bowser had been at the church
for about two holfrs when a lady living
in the neighborhood Of her house ar
rived TO say:
$50 you've got Mr.. Bowser at the
house cleaning, have you?'
''Bless yc'1. no."
"But just as I left my house he was
finging rugs and things out Of the
window. Perhaps he's moving"
Mrs. Bowser started for home at
once with a great fear in her heart,
and she was still half block away
when she saw the cook at the gate.
''It's lyin' a crushed strawberry he is,
num- was James greeting. Don't
lay it to me, for did my best to make
him behave himself"
"How did it happen?
"He comes home as soon as you
leaves and starts in to play thunder
and lightning with the house cleaning.
There was one crash that only broke
his back and sivin ribs, but whin the
next one came he didn't have time to
say goodby to YOU
Mr.. Bowser smelled camphor and
opened his eyes. An hour. had passed.
Mrs. Bowser, the cook, the cat and the
family doctor were gathered around
him.
"He livesw said the cook, as she saw
his eyes open.
''He is coming to- whispered Mrs.
Bowser.
"Of course" added the doctor. E'The
only way to kill a jackass is to let the
whole range Of Catskill mountains fall
on him at once"
Then AIr. Bowser closed his eyes
again and seemed to sleep, but down
in his heart he knew that he would
demand and secure a terrible revenge
before morning dawned again.
NJ QUAD.