The sun. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1833-1916, 1905-01-18
SIN FORD JOKES THE PRINTERS
GIVES 'EM AN UP-TO-D4TE LIFE
or BEN FRANKLIN,
Who Did Not Invent Printing or Discover
Lightning, and Did Not Know dixie
others That There's Nothing In II
n You're Not Solid With Tammany,

! TypothetB Of the city OF New York was
held last night in the st. Regis. About $50
master printers and publishers we're there,
and they had great time listening TO
Simeon Ford (vhose announced retirement
from the after dinner speaking game was
| evidently q fake and to job T.. Hedges.
who poked a lot Of good natured fun at
Mr.. Ford
The POSTMASTER was William Green, and
one of the speakers wa George H. Ellis,
president OF the United Typothet of
America. MIR Ellis said that just ono ques-
ton was important to printers at this time.
| and that was the proposal TO shorten tho
working day TO eight hours.
| Within year, he declared, this ques-
ton would become vital, because employ
| ing printers could not afford such re-
| duction in their output, and then customers
would have either TO pay for IT or back up
the employers in resisting demand.
| THE question is. said Mr.. Ellis whether
! our customers are goiugto lei us 10 succor
/ ourselves or whether We are gong to be a
otof uckers for the typographical union
! Simeon Ford has never made bigger
! hit than he did with the printers. His
| cracks at members of the Typothette were
! all received with prolonged laughter, and
! when he rnlSned there Were cries Tor more.
| The other speakers were Mr.. Hedges, the
! Rev. W. ". Giles. Theodore l., De Winnie,
Luke d. Stapleton and Col. William H..
/ Visscher.
This Is what Mr. Ford said
simeon Ford on Franklin.
II is said that every one has a skeleton
in his closet. The skeleton in my closet
| is +. Radford kelso, although he does
not look the part. let him loose tonight,
and he is here posing as "the skeleton at
the feast Upon him must rest the odium
Of having brought me here. He has haunted
! me for days. like "A fat shadow, until at last,
! wearying of his opportunities, | weakened
And, whispering | would ne'er consent
| consented"
| have been instructed to talk about
Benjamin Franklin, in commemoration Of
whose birthday this simple yet nutritious
| feed Is given. ] would rather talk about
| Kelso. because ] know some things about
| him which would certainly interest you
! although Franklin had quite a record
himself), but this is not helso's 2O0th birth
day. / wish il was.
When ] asked kelso who Benjamin lie
lin was. he said he was an old stu
invented lightning and also printing. Can
you mngine two things more diametrically
opposed? He also stated that Franklin
was dead that there had been a stove
named after him and that he wished to God
Franklin had been struck by lightning
before he discovered printing. which is
rotten business, unless you arc solid with
| Iammany Hall.
Upon careful investigation | find that
KelSo was somewhat incorrect in his data.
Franklin did not discover printing. neither
did he invent lightning. Both were dis
covered by the Chinese 5 900 years b. G. That
was the year they discovered pretty much
everything. and apparently they haven't
discovered anything since, except the art
of pursuing soiled lingerie up and down Il
rs-tHfr tod u. ti.sr.f
worn out race. Even their shirt tails are
worn out
Several Dntchmen also discovered the
art Of printing fro" ty,c along about he
year 1000 chief among them being
one Gutenberg. History records thut
when he struck of his first proof. the popu-
lace. with wild enthusiasm cried They're
OF at Gutenberg Il saying which is still
eNtant.
But TO return to Franklin. can tell
you all about him, for | looked him up
in fascinating work entitled the Ency
clopRdia Britannica. He was horn in
Boston. although ii was no fault of his.
and his father, recognizing his budding
genius, apprenticed him at tender age
| as n soap boiler Ia nice. clean, though un-
romantic, busincssD but Benjamin's
| naughty spirit chafed under the restraint
| OF 80 prosaic calling, and when one is
| chafed soap is said 10 be very CALLING so
BENJAMIN determined to wash his hands
from bad TO worse, left Boston and went
to Philadelphia
Here his story becomes thrilling.
He had been SO long in the soap nusi-
ness that he was cleaned out, and when
he struck Philadelphia $50 the encyolo-
paidia says-l am spea iug entirely from
hearsay). he had nothing in the world
but lie clothes on his back and "A roll under
his arm. Nowadays If a man has a roll
he carries it in his hreeche7 pocket, but
Franklin was always an original cuss and
free from the trammes Of conVcntiunHiity
so he carried his under his arm.
And a. he walked into Philadelphia up
the Lending thoroughfare not having
the price of carfare. It 40 fell out that
beautiful young woman emerged from
Wanamaker's, where bargain sale was
in progress. caught sight Of him, noticed
that he had lis roll with him and she there
upon fell in love with him at first sight
bore down on him and bore him away
dor ike most Philadephians she was a
smooth horel and the consequence was that
ere long, If not sooner he was ne n ana s't
was hiSn.
II reads like a romance this description
in the encyclopedia, of the entry Of this
fine, clean cX-soap boiler into Philadelphia.
filled with high resolve and unborn aphor-
isrns and cinutv of everything elre. and his
catching on before he lad gone n block,
And now Comes tle sad part OF the story
From heius, in such nice clean bust
ness lie embarked ia a trade from which
mo- man can emerge Nth clean hands
aud became a printer tie bought a second
bnnI press OF Frank D. Montague, who
had lust started in business at that time.
and needles to gay, We soon became rich
and famous. He then developed into
quite n ladies man. md fearing he would
get his dates mixed, he began to PRINT his
almlnac. which sprang into instant
popularity.
ventor and diplomat, and doing more 10
secure the independence Of the Colonies
than any other man save perhaps Wash
inEton-it Is aS the author Of this all
manac that his fame will chiefly rest. A.
a philosopher and epigrammer and apho-
rislner he was in a class 10y himself lie
added much 10 the worlds knowledge
and something also 10 it, sadness for did
he not invent that saying. which las ever
since and will always cmhitter Cmldhood'-
otherwise happy hour
Early 10 bed and "a fiy TO rise
Makes man healthy. wealthy and wise
And he also said, and ! will take II 10
heart
Here comes the orator with his food Of
words and his drop Of reason
And that is the reason l viii now take
drop.
And he also said
AN empty bag cannot stand upright
40 I will sit down.
SCHOOL or PHILANTHROPY.