Audubon Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Iowa) 1894-1925, 1905-10-19
STORIETTES.

The story is told OF well-known
man who, not finding his wife, went
out into the kitchen where the laund-
ress was busy with the family linen,
and inquired: Bridget, do you know
anything of my wife's whereabouts?"
'Yis, sor," replied Bridget, Il put
them in the wash"
A witty but not over-industrious
Celt was one of street gang. A few
minutes before noon, one day, he
threw his shovel into the gutter, sat
down on the curbstone, and proceed
ed to fill and light his pipe. Just
then the superintendent OF streets
came around corner and seeing Pat,
reared out: Here! What are you
throwing down your shovel for at this
time Of day." ITO cool it, sir-r,"
said Pat
A few years ago, the President de-
cided to appoint Mr.. Wynne, now con-
sul-generai at London, to be first as
sitant postmaster-general. How will
we keep this from the newspapers?"
was asked by some of the Presidents
advisers. 81 think that the best way
would be to take the newspaper cor
respondents into our confidence"
said the President. This was done,
and the secret was carefully guarded
for month, although known all that
time by fifty or more Washington COR
respondents.
Henry James, the novelist, narrat-
ed at a Boston dinner-party CONVEX
sation that he had overheard that
afternoon. at was a conversation"
said Mr.. James, between a young
book clerk and an older one. 1t oc-
CURED in a bookshop devoted to the
sale of the most popular and newest
fiction. The younger clerk approach
ed the older anxiou-ly. Say he
whispered, there's woman here
wants Spencer's POEMS rs it Her
bert Spencer's poems?' the more ex-
perienced clerk asked calmly. Yes
said the other; what shall l tell her?'
Tell her we haven't got EN- said the
other clerk.
M. Sato, one of Japan's representa-
tives at the Peace Conference, was
chatting with some newspaper men,
one of whom suggested that plain
statement was enough for a treaty
of peace, and that elaborate wording
was not necessary. The Jap dissent
ed from this view, and by way of IL
Illustration, told of an African traveller
who was relating narrowing adven-
ture. 81 peered into the Jungle" said
the traveller, "and saw a trunkless
body" One OF his auditors said,
sarcastically: whoever heard of a
trunkless body?" The traveller an
swered, calmly: This was the body
of an elephant"
A story is told of the wonderful
cure from deafness of patient who
was recommended to hear a Wagner
opera, and to sit near the orchestra
by the trombones. The physician ac-
companied his patient, and sat beside
him. Suddenly, while the crash Of
the instruments was at its loudest,
the deaf man found he could hear.
Doctor" he almost shrieked. II can
he, y" The doctor gave no sign that
he noticed the remark. Il tell you
doctor" repeated the patient, in
ecstasy, you have saved me! l
have recovered my hearing" Still
the physician was silent. He had be-
come deaf himself.
Shortly after Garfeld's aeatn, "
prominent politician made an address
upon the life of the statesman before
school. When he had finished. he
said: Now, can any of you tell me
what statesman ISL" A little
hand went up, and little girl re-
piled: "A statesman Is a man who
makes speeches" Hardly that" an
swered the politician, who loved to
tell this story. For instances.
sometimes make speeches, and yet |
am not statesman" The little hand
again went up, and the answer came,
triumphantly: II know; statesman
il q man who makes good speeches."