The Caldwell tribune. [volume] (Caldwell, Idaho Territory [Idaho]) 1883-1928, 1905-06-17

earning. Life. saE / -.i8s
Johnny-Paw, what's the rest ~
mat quotation beginning "Trutb IA
migntyT Father--"scarce," I reckon,
---Pittsburg Post.
A go to bed at night with
gloves on to keep my hands soft She
and do you wear your hat, boz
Hartford Courant. ~
Med1um-Do you wish to ses vour
departed husbands spirit? Mrs. Whit.
netree-No; want to see his ghosti
JOSH never had no spirit!-Puck.
80 the specialist said you'd have to
give up smoking for "a while. ehY'
Yes, and he also said I'd have to give
up $10 for good."-Collier's Weekly.
Su1tor-1'm poor but honest, sir Old
Hocksy-1 don't doubt 1t at all, nv
boy; and unless you change your prin-
clpIes you'll never get rich.-Tovn
Topics.
Nell-How in the world did you dis
cover her age? Belle asked her at
what age she thought a girl should
marry, aud she promptly said 81
Philadelphia Ledger.
What Is the chief product of the
United StateST" asked the teacher in
European school. And without hest
taton the bright pupil replied, Mon
ey."-Washington Star.
"A New York man advocates the
drowning Of all idiots" "Why, the
cruel brute! l shall raise my voice in
protest! I-er- oh, well, it doesn't
matter to me."-Houston Post.
What is the secret of your. sue
cess" asked the very young man. I'm
buying" said the old horse dealer, II
look sharp, and in selling look just
as ignorant as l can."-Chicago Daily
News.
Its Z o'clock, Fritz! We must run
home" mo, If go home now l shall
be whipped for being so late. I'm 60
ing to stay till and then III get bon
bons and kisses because I'm not
drowned. "-Lustige Blaetter.
Did you spend money to get into
public ot1ce3" No." answered Sena-
tor Sorghum: Il didn't spend it. l
gave 1t away, and then depended on
a decent sense of gratitude in the ben
efciaries. "-Washington Star
Fair Devotee-I don't see any way
fn o1esn aah 10
have a lottery Minister (shocked)--
That will never have my sanction,
madam, never, unless you call it by
some other name.-New York Weekly.
Old Party-Boy, you'll catch cold if
you get your feet wet in that puddle.
Small Boy-Dat's what I'm after. I'm
a-goin' to speak ''Spartacus to de
Gladtators" at school on Friday, an
wants to git me voice hoarse.-Chlcago
News.
Their pay is shockingly small for
some of our public officials" said the
broad minded man. YES" answered
the cynic; but it averages up. Some
Of the public officials are shockingly
small for their pay."-Washington
Star.
Finnegan-Oh, yiS, OF can under
stand how thin astronomers can cal
kilate tn distance av a shtarr, its
weight, and dinsity and color, and all
that-but tn thing thot gets me Is,
how tn dIvyle do they know it's name.
Puck.
she-What Is the use Of searching
for the North Pole, anyway? He
Why, 1t would result in great saving
Of money If found. she-How's that?
He-It wouldn't be necessary to send
any more expeditions to look after it
Philadelphia Inquirer.
Constituent-Now,M Mr.. Wunnout,
wish you'd do your best to get my boy
a good government Job. Congressman
Well, what can your son do? Con"
stttnent-What can he do? Great
Scott, man! If he could do anything l
wouldn't be bothering you!-CleVeland
Plain Dealer.
Mrs. McCall-I do wish l could gel
good maid. Mrs. Vandine-You
might interview mine. l think she'd
be delighted to go to you. Mrs. Nc
Call-But why don't you keep her!
Mrs. Vandine-Oh, she won't stay
She says she wants place where she
won't have 90 many gowns and hats
to take care of.--Philadelphia Press.
Miss Smythe organizing a subscrip'
ton dance)-I'm in despair about our
dance, Mr.. Brown. So many people
have failed me. You'll come, won't
vou2 Mr.. Brown Extremely Stout
Reilly, Miss smythe; I'm not dancing
man. don't dance at all! Miss
smvthe-Oh, that don't matter in the
least. You'd help to fill up, you know
Mr., Brown-Ah-yes-with pleasure
will look in about supper time
Punch.