davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-08-19
THE FAMILY PACK.


King of Clubs that's her papa
Just how many. don't know:
This and that, ct cetera.
President of So-and-So.
What a fortune he must owe
When he has the dues to nay!
Still, the game is never slow
II you have the card to play.
Queen of Diamonds-Mama.
Cleaning, glistening, aglow;
Nothing in America
Can surpaSs her jewe1ed show,
Dazzling bril1iants in row,
Newfdevices every day.
Cost? What does that matter, though
If you have the card to play?
Queen of Hearts-and that is-ahi
How a fellows heart will goi
That is She-incognita,
Save to-(see the name tclow).
LipS-a crimson rose a-blow.
Eyes that lead the stars astray:
Everything just CONNIE il faut,
If you have the card to play.
ENVOY.
Knave-myself-to end your woe,
Wait until you hear her say:
you've q chance with Love & Co.,
IF you have the card to play"
Felix Carmen in September Smart Set.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-08-19
REFLECTIONS OF A BACHELOR
[From the New York Press.l

IFrom the New York Press
A voman's idea of heaven is FIVE parts
wavy hair and five parts good figure
A useful thing about automobiles is
all the new cuss words you learn when
they won't work
There are more foot pounds in a
mules heels than in a little tact but
they can't do as much.
When man goes to the race track
he always tells his wife he was at a.
directors meeting unless he won
A woman thinks she has splendid dis
cipline in her house when fler Husband
has to hunt only fifteen minutes for his
umbrella before starting to business.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-08-19
Gins to wives, for Babies.

More and more popular among society
papas grows the custom of a husband
giving a present to his wife as a SOU
venir of the birth of child to them;
Henry S. Redmond, who was prevented
from sailing on his yawI Ailsa in the
Kaiser's cup race by the arrival of the
stork with Henry S. Redmond, Jr-. sig
llalized that interesting event by pre-
senting to his wife cottage at Tuxedo,
the Charles Livingston Hyde house.
Mrs. George j. Gould has one collection
of Jewels that she views with especial
regard. for the pieces in it We're gifts
from her hus band on the births of their
children H H. Rogers, Jr., has fol-
lowed the custom, only his gifts nave
varied. The one he made TO Mrs Harry
when their first child was born WAS SlO.-
600. 1t is said a titled Englishwoman
of the type that did not favor race sui
eide started this fad many years ago
Her husband gave her locket when
their first child was born, and kept II
11p on every similar occasion. In the
later years of her life this duchess al
ways wore in public neck chain from
which were suspended IA lockets.-NeN
York Press.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-08-19
THAT REER COMBINE.

In Topeka it isn't so much question
of whether joints run but what brand
of beer they handle. Recently a jointist
started place" where anti-combine
beer was sold. Instantly a warrant was
issued for him and his stock confiscated.
The joints where the combine beer was
handled We're left free. 1t is little won
der that the Temperance people of KAN
sas are beginning to take action in af-
fairs when the sole question of the en-
forcement of the law restsswit conn
bine who is selling a certain brand of
heer-Iola Record
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-08-19
KANSAS COMMENT
1T MAKES A DIFFERENCE.

about Tom Kelly a year ago. he might
have held an altogether different
opinion about the theft of several DEL
egations which were illegally scared
at the Wichita convention through the
sanction of -Stubbs In deciding the
merits of a theft it makes all the diff
ference in the world if you know the
truth about the man who engineers
the steaIl-particularly the truth as
to the probability of his standlng
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-08-19
HORSES AND STEALING.

T. T. Kelly can very properly speak
at an anti-horsethief meeting. Kelly
has never. SO far as known. been &C
cused of stealing a horse.-Hutchlnson
News.
In this connection didn't someone
say something about locking the stable
after the horse had been stolen P
Atchison Globe.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-08-19

Roosevelt administration he has al
ready held two cabinet places, besides
being chairman of the Republican ma
tional committee. If he keeps on at
this rate he wifi be experienced in
every department of the government
by the time Mr.. Roosevelt retfres from
the White House. Possibly the presl-
dent is training a successor.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-08-19

If President Roosevelt promotes
Postmaster General Cortelyou to the
secretaryship of the treasury, in the
event of Secretary Shaw resigning, it
will look as though Mr.. Cortelyou is
being educated to be the handy man
of the government He rose from a
stenographer's position to be the sec
rotary to the president. and under the
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-08-19
GIJIT,Tv KNOwLEDGE.

Kas., will not report to the city coun-
ell the number of joints in operation
in the town, and intimates that the
council is guilty of something or other
in asking for the information, as they
thereby admit their knowledge of the
existence of Joints in the town, which
is sufficient in Kansas to result in their
custer from office.-Lawrence Jour-
nal
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-08-19

Just wait till Senator George Prem
tce Morehouse, poet laureate of the
Fourth congressional district, hears
about the Missouri judge who de-
clared officially that the sunfower-
our beloved helianthus-is only a
weed. Poet Laureate Morehouse may
write a poem about that judge, and
then he'll wish he hadn't.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-08-19
FULL LEASED WIRE REPORT
OF TILE ASSOCIATED PRESS
HoSlR news WILLIE AWAY.

Subscribers OF the State Journal
away during the summer may nav e
the paper mailed regularly each day
TO any address at the rate of thirty
cents a month. Address changed as
often as desired. While cat Of town
the State Journal will be to Sou like
n daily letter from home.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-08-19
EvANGEI1sr HoWE,s BREAK.

Ed Howe says that just before the
ark f1oated one of Noah's daughters
doubtless broke a bottle of champagne
over it and christened it the ark. This,
he says, is the origin of the christening
of ships. Next to Bent Murdoek's state
ment that Stephen was stoned for tell
ing lie, Howe's break is the worst that
has been made in the state. Noah had
no daughters He had three sons
Sal lima Journal
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-08-19

Notwithstanding that there are
more men than ever before who do
not smoke, our national tobacco bill
is over million dollars greater than
last year. lot of the smokers must
be trying to emulate Folk and
Jerome
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-08-19

- Neither of Iowa's representatives in
the cabinet seem disposed to ratify the
numerous designations that have been
handed in for them by the Washing
ton corresponding.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-08-19

After all, the principal thing the
state of Kansas gets out Of this war
ship business is the fun of making a
srlurge. through it's governor. at the
ships launching, and the privilege of
putting up five thousand dollars
worth of silver for the ships officers.
But the state is well able to do it, and
we will get more than that much pride
out of it
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-08-19

What's the use of a spring gale
breaking loose on us in the middle of
August when we are not looking for
it? Spring gales ought to do their
blowing in season.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-08-19
BHNr MURDOCH s.yIEw.

How can't beeexpected that the Re
publican party will re-eleet any present
state oficer, next year, in the face OF
the political uproar, which was Started
in Topeka and which is causing every
Republican in the state to take sides
If the party hopes to elect any por-
ton of the state ticket, in 1906, 1t will
have to knock out the Hochs. the KEEL
Tvs, the Burtons, the Bosses, the Gangs
and the Crowds. and give to the party
an entire new deal. The denomination
of any of the men who are leading any
of these gangs means sure defeat; and
if the Republicans of the state are
wise they will put up an entirely new
ticket next year. That is the only safe
and sane thing to do.-ElDorado Re
publican.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-08-19
THE MOON "ALSO RAN

The first eclipse that has occurred in
this state since the election last Novem-
Der, occurred last night. And Bill Sapp
can appreciate the coincident all the
more because the moon was also FULL
Parsons Eclipse.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-08-19

The Salina Journal truly remarks:
'You can mark this down. AS soon as
a paper gets cheap and commences to
run down it starts contest of some
kind
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-08-19

D. E. Thompson. who is slated for
the Mexican enthusiastically, is a
wealthy Nebraskan. and the owner of
the Lincoln Evening Star. He has
been representing the United States in
Brazil for a number of years.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-08-19
HoCH AND WASHINGTON.

A dispatch from washington says
that Governor Hoch likes Washington
city. The other candidates for the
senate hope the governor won't like
it so we'll that he will decide to make
an effort to take up a more or less
permanent residence.-Iola Register.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-08-19
IT'S ALL OVER.

Now that General Hughes has nom
mated Governor Hoch for United
States senator, what is the use of the
rest of the party going to any more
trouble about it-Parsons Sun.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-08-19

The police thought they had found
the mysterious Mr. Dove of Chicago,
but instead of cooling the suspect
roared like lion about it.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-08-19

About the worst thing the Repub-
hcans can think of to say about Gov
ernor Folk is that he is a Democrat
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-08-19
IN A SHORT TIME.

We trust we may indulge the hope
that some day this Mrs. Taggart VIII
have a back seat in oblivion along iwth
that other esteemed Ohioan, Mrs. Chad
wick.-Atlanta Constitution.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-08-19

MAN is unhappy while destroying
his conscience says S. S. Mcclure.
Some men. however, do not seem to
have any to destroy. a.i
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-08-19

You win notice that the temperature
didn't stay down very long. You just
can't keep a good thermometer down
in weather like this
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-08-19

If the publishers would make a
price of somewhat less than $500 a
copy, it would seem that there ought
to be market for "Fads and Fancies''
among the officers of the United States
army
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-08-19

No doubt the victims of those who
ride bicycles on the sidewalks feel that
the ordinance prohibiting that pastime
is also something of a farce
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-08-19

Now We are told that Russell Sage
is a philanthropist in disguise. If this
is true Uncle Russ has fooled us, all
right.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-08-19

Do you suppose the Taggarts count.
ed the cost in publicity before starting
in on their divorce suit?
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-08-19

II these mind readers can really do
It, they can make big wages at Ports
mouth just at present.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-08-19

Solomon says, wine is a mocker,''
and both of the Taggarts are now be-
ing Knocked.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-08-19

Very few towns are satisfied with
their baseball teams, but we just must
have 'em.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-08-19

If a legislature doesn't wish laws
enforced, why does it pass them?
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-08-19
PLAYING A FAvoRITE.

Out in Nebraska they claim that ev-
cry shower is worth a million dollars
There. no doubt. is where the rainmak-
ers' trust will be born.-Chicago Rec
ord Herald.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-08-19
Absurd and PeriIous.

Congressman Lands desired to
illustrate the absurd and perilous po-
sition of a Doodle politician whose dis
honesty had been exposed.
There. before the crash came he
said, 1.-The man stood tottering ana
swaving. pale and scared, and though
pitied him, I had to laugh at him be-
cause his position was SO ludicrous.
''He reminded me of the Indianap-
oils barber who got drunk one busy
Saturday afternoon.
"This barber, heavy with eighteen
large, cold glasses of beer. lurched
into his shop at the end of the ball
game. put on his white coat, seized a
razor, and began to shave patron
whom the apprentice had just lath-
cred up.
"As the barber shaved away. he held
ON to the patrons nose
are you about, anyway. Let go OF my
nose, will you2'
Let go2' said the barber. Not
bit of it. If L did I'd fall down. -
Los Angeles Times.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-08-19
VAIL OF A WESTERN EDITOR.

This season makes US tired. We
would much rather HE ourselves to the
messy spot beside the babbling brook.
beyond the sound of the irrepressible
printers lusty yell for copy" than be
compelled to remain here to chronicle
Hazard Spivin's recent visit to Speck-
Vile or say nice things about the mar
riage of the big-footed daughter Of
some fellow who hasn't paid his sub
scription for twelve years. Right now
we'd sooner be fishing than be presl-
dent.-WaXne. Neb., Herald
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-08-19
UNTIL HE REFUSED TO PLAY.

Mrs. Taggart used to call her hus-
band Tag And unquestionably adj
ded: You're it."-New York Mail.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-08-19
SURE THING,

Governor Hoch says that Kansas has
a smaller percentage of illitefacy than
any state in the Union. Nothing the
matter with that anyhow.-New York
Herald.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-08-19
HUM0R OF THE Day

Hiram was having his picture took"
pocket SAD the sa Pho HITr With
shake of his head. ''I've heard about you
city chaps goin. through felers pockets sl6,a.s;
my walle I'll Statesman.
''Why do you suppose a woman usually
cries at her weddinR?"
Out Of sympathy, probably. for the men
wei, how did you sleep last night?''
asked the proprietor of the summer hotel;
arrived the evening before. 7 found that
it was just soft as the bed and didn't
sag.''-Chicago Record-Herald.
"a man should be slow to anger
of patient patti forbearance, only he shouldn't
invariably postpone getting angry at the
annoyances of the day until he sits down
at the supper table. '-Philadelphia Tele-
graph.
IAN the animals on board?" asked Mo-
No" answered shem. when it started
to sprinkle a few drops fell on the cat and
1 can't disIodge it
So they. were forced to catch brown
rabbit, trim down its ears and graft tail
to it-Detroit Tribune.
the old friend. your great wealth hasn't
Wen responded Mr. Packer, sit has
used to be impolite, and delightfully."- sar-
castle where used to be rude "-Detroit
| Tribune
Mr.. Bones-Did yo' hear about dat gem
men dat was pinched down in Florida last
Mr.. Tambo-No. sir. What did he do. Mr.
Bones?
mails.
Mr.. Tambo-7Ladies and gentlemen, with
your kind permission we will now sing:
Teasing. Teasing, Only Teasing YOU
Detroit Tribune.
Grace-Miss McPrirn tells me that she
has made arrangements to lecture for a
term Of years
George-Do you mean that she is going
on the lyceum platform or is she about to
be Observation-Disclosures Post.
lawyer, warmly. Il never took a drop Of
medicine in my life and I'm as strong as
any WIN tWo OF yegr patients put together
physician. Il never went to law in my
life, and. I'm as rich as any two dozen of
your clients put together. Medical Stand
1t is sta. Ted that raw onions have ten
They certainly tend to produce a cool
ness between friends.-Cleveland Plain
: Dealer
THE trouble with you Americans is that
1 you eat too fast said the European
v I'VE can't help it,. was the contrite an
swef; I'VE feel like getting through a meal
, before the waiter brings back the check
with announcement that the meat trust
! has raised prices.-Washington Star.
| American Tourist-Please send this ca BILE
at once to my home.
English Speaking Operator-Have you a
frank?
American Tourist-Gee! You don't mean
to tell me you send that all the way
+ home for one franc?-Baltimore Sun.
YES" said the bride of a week, Jack
tells me everything he knows and 1 tell
him everything 1 know
''Indeedf' rejoined the ex-rival 1.-The
: silence when you two are together must
I be oppressive. Home Chat.
= I'VE are having. an awful time at orr
y house The cook gays she feels like Ieav-
ing. our eInploye every time she catches
sight of my wife,.
''And what are you doing about it?"
I'm trying to get my wife to take a
: long vacation ''-CleVe1and Plain Dealer
who is the intensely homely woman at
the other end of the carp
1 THAT? Why, that's the beauty doctor
of the Ladies Fireside Friend. "-Cleveland
y Plain Dealer.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-08-19
Life Passes.

The fact has been brought out. in
connection with inquiry by the rail-
roads relative to passes, that in Wis
consiri there have been for many years
quite a number of life passes. In the
earlier days of railroading in Wiscon-
sin many life passes were issued by
the officers, such as Alexander Mitch
ell and S. S. Merrill. These were given
for various reasons, in consideration of
right of way privileges personal
friendship or special service. As a
rule. these life passes read pass Mr..
blank on the lines of this road until
further orders" This constituted an
indefnite contract or agreement, with
the signature of the highest officer of
the- road or the head of the operating
denartnent and there has seldom been
an excuse for taking up such docu-
cents Death has Cancelled a good
manv. but there are still some holders
of such passes.-Milwaukee Evening
Wisconsin.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-08-19

ANOTHER GOOD CORN LIE
An epidemic of matrimony is about
to break out in Ell Dorado. Eighteen
girls there are engaged and sixteen of
them are to be married before Christ
mas-Hutchinson News
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-08-19
WAS ONCE THAT WAY HIMSELF.

President Roosevelt is said to feel
coldly toward Vice President Fairbanks
ambition to succeed him. President
Roosevelt must not forget that he was
once only poor, struggling obscure
vice president himseif.-Philadelph
Ledger.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-08-19
ERON OTHER PENS
A SERIOUS JOKE.

On account of yellow fever Havana
has Guaranteed against New Orleans.
If this were not serious it might be
considered a good joke on the United
States-Rochester Herald.
JAPAN.
China may not be ready just yet to
back up it's demands, but it has lit
tie brother who is a terrific scrapper.--
Chicago News.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-08-19

"a man should be slow to anger"
Yes answered the woman with look
of patient forbearance, only he shouldn'
invariably postpone getting angry at the
annoyances of the day until he sits down
at the supper table. "-Philadelphia Tele-
graph.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-08-19
The Age Limit.

Reports that roads which had estab-
lished an age limit for new employees
have abandoned the idea are source
of great qualification to men in railroad
life It is the understanding that the
list includes the Alton, which three
years ago was one of the first to make
the limit 35 years, and will now, it is
further stated, employ at least so per
cent of it's men without regard to age,
only experience and adaptability being
considered. The policies of the Boston &
Maine, the st. Paul and the Burlington
are said to be practically the same. 1t
is thought that other big lines will fol-
low suit Railroad employees say the
rule was too arbitrary to last and has
failed to produce results expect
ed. They brand it as I'M
philosophical, unwise and unnatural as
well as ungrateful, cruel and inhuman,
and add that as there never was any
valid reason or necessity for it, its fail
ure was Notwithstanding Express.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-08-19
a SATURDAY. SERMON.

Woe unto him that giveth his neighhol
drink, that puttest the bottle to him an6
makest him Observation-Disclosures BIS.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-08-19

''Why do you suppose a woman usually
cries at her weddinR?'
out Of sympathy. probably; FOR the men
well, how did you sleep last niEht?''
asked the proprietor of the summer hotel.
''On the floor replied the man who had
arrived the evening before. II found that
it was Just as soft as the bed and didn't
sag.'-Chicago Record-Herald.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-08-19

IAN the animals on board?" asked No
ali.
No" answered Shem. when it started
to sprinkle a few drops fell on the cat and
1 can't disIodge it,
So they were forced to catch a brown
rabbit, trim down its ears and graft a tail
to it.-Detroit Tribune.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-08-19

Il m giad 10 ma you as you are, Salo
the old friend. Your great wealth hasn't
changed YOU
"Well," responded Mr.. Packer, sit has
changed me a trif1e. I'm eccentric where
I used to be impolite, and delightfully."- sar-
castle where used to be rude. Detroit
Tribune
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-08-19

Look at mel" exclaimed the leading
lawyer, warmly Il never took drop OF
medicine in my life and I'm as strong as
any two of your patients put together
'-Well, that's nothing!" remarked tie
physician. Il never went to law in my
life, and. I'm as rich as any two dozen of
your clients put together. Medical Stand
ard.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-08-19

Hiram was having his picture took"
Now, please take your hands out OK
your pocket" said the photogra pher.
No you don't" said Hiram with a
city chaps goin' through a feler's pockets:
If you want me to look pleasant you'll
have to let my hands remain right thar on
my walIet!''-Yonkers Statesman.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-08-19

CARRY THE NEWS TO OsLER
Baron Komura is a Harvard gradu-
ate and was a failure until past 49,
Pittsburg Gazette.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-08-19

Mr. Bones-Did yo' hear about dat gem
men dat was pinched down in Florida last
week.
Mr.. Tambo-No, sir. What did he do. Mr..
Bones?
Mr.. Bones-He tried to Tampa wild de
mails
Mr.. Tambo-Ladies and gentlemen, with
your kind permission we will now sing:
Teasing, Teasing, Only Teasing You
Detroit Tribune.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-08-19

Graee-Miss McPrim tells me that she
has made arrangements to lecture for
term Of years
George-Do you mean that she is going
on the lyceum platform or is she about to
be married ?-Pittsburg Post