The Ely miner. [volume] (Ely, Minn.) 1895-1986, 1905-08-18

most perfectly fitting tweeds. In the
country, of course. Rides. Shoots
Sings. Plays golf and the banjo. But
perhaps you were about to say that you
don't know poor Dicky?"
81 was"
"You shall know him, though. 1t was
to introduce him-and some other dear
people-to you that l called"
You see," she said showing her daz-
zling teeth, 1--WE are all so poor nova
days. aren't we? There's Jerry Hark-
ms and little Kitty Mackney. Hec
losses at bridge"
Billy stirred restlessly on the very
uncomfortable chair to which he had
been so unceremoniously condemned.
What thought was this" she went
on. breezily. Il thought it such an
awful pity that poor Dicky or Jerry
wasn't Harold Farsyde"
May l request you, madam"
ITO come to business? Of course.
Well. what have in my mind is a
scheme-the most perfect scheme imag
inable-for rendering people appropri-
ate. We might form a company, and
call it The Impersonators, Limited.
Il think hardly follow you"
1T is quite simple, really. My idea
is to make poets look like poets. To
give an artistic tout ensemble to art
lists. Lecturers should look profound
all forehead and eyebrows and jaw
and not as if they were only interested
in some small, suburban chambers
shop. Positively, you know, these
clever people injure their own reputa-
lions by mingling with their fellow
creatures. You literary agents ought
not to allow your authors to appear in
l am sure they do. And painters are
always so in need of decoration them
selves that you cannot possibly believe
in their genius. And as for your reputed
wits, | have listened to more epigrams
at a mothers meeting in one short half
hour than ever heard at fashionable
gathering of celebrities
"You must have had some most I'M
fortunate experiences"
mot unusually unfortunate fancy
Other people quite agree with me. l
was talking to =. But-as you so
courteously do not say-your time is
valuable, and I am by way of becoming
a nuisance. I will hurry on, then, to
my remedy. Why, Mr.. Boswell, should
all these famous people ever appear in
public at all?"
"Why?"
Eyes Would it not be better for all
concerned if they were to employ other
people to impersonate them? There are
plenty of nice young men who would
look far more like the authors of great
works than the real authors do. And
many of them would be only too glad
to earn few guineas by wearing the
mantles of the great at receptions and
balls and dinner parties and afternoon
teas They would, am sure, stimulate
sales enormously, instead of retarding
them" IRIS.
You forget, madam, that the person.
alities of most of our famous people are
already well known to the public. One
moment. How would it be possible tn
introduce an altogether unknown per-
son as the author of-shall we say?-Mr.
Farsyde's book, either to hostess or
the casual reader? Mr.. Farsyde's por-
trait has appeared in"
And you said you were cynic!" she
sighed
Pardon me-" said Billy, 1T was You
who said that"
Anyhow" she rejoined, "you ought
to know that the memory of the common
herd is the most short-lived thing in
the world. And then there are always
new men and women coming along.
They, at least"
81 have not quite done. How, for
instance, could hint to my best author
that he's not altogether handsome?
How could 1 point out to one of my
artists or poets that he was essentially
not picturesque-that his wild hair re-
sembled rather the stuffing out of
cheap sofa cushion than ambrosial
locks? 1t could not be done, my dear
madam. The thing is not feasible.
And my brilliant wits! What, in the
name of all that is improbable, would
they do to me if told them, no matter
how delicately, that their funniments
were not funny? And then, my lectur-
erers. Imagine their wrath at being
compared to small suburban shipment"
81 didn't think the lady faltered.
"And that is not the worst of it,
either" proceeded Billy, ruthlessly
"How am I to advise them to change
their tailor or their dressmaker, their
halter or milliner, without laying my
self open to the suspicion of taking COM
missions from tradesmen? And then.
you know, these absurd people are proud
of their houses and their back gardens.
They plume themselves on their knowl-
edge of horses and dogs. And, above
all, how is it conceivable that | should
critirise their wives adversely, and. in
| the last dread resort, their children,
| without provoking them to reprisals
that might even be of sanguinary sort?
No, madam. Your idea has points l adj
nit, and, for some reasons l wish that
it could be put into practice. But SO
long as life is ordered as it is at pres
lent, even the wisest and most inspired
of mankind must have their share of
| human nature. Show me how to elm
mate human nature and am prepared
to talk to you till the cows come home .
Il see," said the lady, sadly, reflective
ly. But thought, you know They