Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1905-01-20
y Ss'nlSHIfS
49, EeH

gets for stealing a million dollars
Chicago Record-Herald.
She-My, but Mr.. Flaxyman is
stngy. He-I should say so. Why,
he wouldn't laugh at joke unless it
was at somebody else's expense.-Ex.
Clara-Did you lose your presence
Of mind when he attempted to kiss
you? Maud-Yes, for moment Why,
1 nearly told him to stop.-New-York-
er.
Chauffeur-Is there an ordinance
limiting the speed of astos in this
town? Native-No, they can't get
through too quickly to suit us.-Brook-
lyn Life.
Foreigner-What is the significance
Of the eagle that is stamped on Ameri-
can money? United States Citizen-It
is the emblem of its swift fght.-De-
troit Free Press.
MY sakes! How well your hus-
band is trained. How did you ever do
it?" II didn't He was a widower
when 1 got him. 1t saves a lot Of
trouble. Chicago Record-Herald.
|
MargieIf you don't quit teasing
me I'll tell mamma and she'll tell papa,
then papa will whip you. Harry
Then I'll cry and grandma will give
me some candy, and won't give you
any.-Ex.
did you notice how 1 moved the
audience last night" asked the anna
teur eiocutienist Moved isn't the
proper name for it." rejoined his criti-
cal friend. "It was little short of a
stampede"
Little Willie-Say, pa, is the pen
some people claim. my son. Little
Willie-Then why don't the Russians
arm themselves with fountain pens?-
Minneapolis Times
I'm sure 1 saw a cat over in that
corner" said Tommy, sitting up in
bed. mo, dear; go to Sleep" said his
mother; sit was just imagination" I"
Has a Imagination got shiny eyes?"-
Philadelphia Ledger.
Mr.. Skinfint-The paper says skirts
are to be worn longer than ever. Mrs.
Skinfint-Well, you needn't be fgger-
in on me wearin' mine any longer.
I've worn it Ave years this comm
fan!"-Harper's Bazaar.
Passenger train is nearly one
hour behi-d time, is it not? Guard
Yes; but raat's all right. Well get in
the usual time. Passenger-What time
is that? Guard hours late
Glasgow Evening Times.
"I thought Smeargie was a friend
Of yeurs?' "He was until lately. !
had to drop him. He was always
wanting to borrow money. Refused
him sharply. did you?" s'Ne, l lent
him some. Chicago Tribune.
''She's a lovely girl, and SO simple
In her tastes. told her that hadn't
much Of an income yet but that
hoped could provide for her every
want" ''And what did she say?'
"She said that would be all she could
. ask. k."-London Tit-Bits.
Caller-Kitty, is that your parrot
: Little Girl-No, indeed, ma'am. The
folks next door left him with us whe1
t they went away on their vacation
Fore he begins to talk 1 want to tel
you that he doesn't belong to ou1
church Chicago Tribune
Wife-Jehn, don't you think thai
our house is altogether too small fol
our present needs? Husband-Yes
: I've been thinking seriously of putting
, an addition to it. Something il
: the shape of wing? Husband No
} something in the shape of mortgage
1 shot a rabbit the other day. Some
kind Of warden came out of the
bushes and objected" ''That was
s game warden" mo. it wasn't" 'Why
not?' Because there was nothin.
!, game about him. He ran when I point
ed my gun at him. Baltimore Her
aid.
Yes" remarked the party VIII,
sometimes lets an audible thought es
cape, "it's a sure sign man is get
ting old" whats sure sign? p
: queried the youth with the rubber hab
it. when he goes around telling peo
! pie that he feels just. as young as b,
a ever did" explained the noisy thinker
e ''You know how father insists upol
e talking all the time whenever Skate
il comes to call on me " Yes" We'll
: we fixed him up last night. We go
s him to read the Russian and Japa
= nese names in the war dispatches, ant
bis jaw was soon so sore that he coult
not talk above a whisper" ."-Londol
Tit-Bits.
Jennie spiteful Mrs. Chatter
s ton said your husband was old an.
e ugly and that you only married hin
g for his money. Nettie-And what di,
you say, dear? jennie said 1 wa
I sure you didn't do anything ~of tn
y sort. Netie-Did you ever meet m,
e husband? Jennie-No; 1 never ha,
that pleasure. Nettie-I thought so.
e Some Very Long Names
7, A directory issued in Honolulu con
n tains what is believed to be the long
b est name appearing in any such publ
o cation. It is that of Miss Annie Z