Perth Amboy evening news., 1905-10-03
R
TRIUMPHAN
t>TT USH, my dear, the neighbors will

not mine"
HE behaves like a boor."
Il agreed with you. l think he does"
mo, you didn't; you said An earl can
do anything"
with impunity.' Be accurate"
did you not?"
eyes, but 1 was referring to his eating
a banana down Piccadilly."
"And you approved of his vulgarity?"
81 never approved of his ~vulgarity. l
merely said that Pimpleton eating a
banana down Piccadilly would still be
Pimpleton to the end of time"
"a very silly speech, too. l suppose
we are all ourselves to the end of time. "
Not always. There's the rub. II
you're intrinsic nothing matters what
you do, but If you assume a part in the
world you must never say or do any
thing out of character"
well, you defend Pimpleton for act
ing like an errand boy and yet you say
you don't approve of his vulgarity."
my dear, you have twisted my argu-
ment out of all recognition"
Then what did you say?"
81 said"
"Yes, go on. You said"
my dear, | really don't remember ex-
actly what l said, but it wasn't what you
said l said"
This is a little sample of the kind OF
amiable discussion which had made Jo-
Beph Virtue old before his time. Mrs.
Virtue would start an argument and
work it up with the vehemence of a park
orator. Joseph, we'll in hand at first
would remain silent, then he would
meet the torrent of speech with an &C.
casional intersection until at length, ex-
ASPIRATION gaining ground, he would
lose his silly head and join in. From
that moment the point would be lost.
every word he said serving only to send
Mrs. Virtue off at a tangent until side
issues multiplied themselves and ir-
relevant recriminations sprang whole
sale into being. After these episodes
Joseph was limp as a rag, but Mrs. Vir-
tue seemed all the better for having "got
it off her chist," and this it was which
ranked in Joseph's injured mind. He
had tried taking down their quarrels in
shorthand on his cuff, but just as he-had
once nearly succeeded in rendering his
wife abject he faltered over one or two
of the hieroglyphics. and she, dear
woman, seized the opportunity to dis
cover that, of course, he was making
the whole thing up" Life was nasty
for the next fortnight.
On this occasion Joseph thought a lii.
tie air would relieve his tired brain, so
he strolled out into the square. He tried
to collect the scattered threads of his
W premises in the late dispute, but
his wife's shrill voice still rang in his
ears and his brain idly recapitulated
merely what she had vociferated. At
that instant a faint, nasal, wheezy,
husky, metallic sound fell upon his ears.
Joseph started.
THE very thing!" he cried. He
shook palpably as if from great excite
ment and strobe away in the direction
Of the tube.
When he returned from the city To-
seph went in by the area steps. He was
hugging a large parcel and he had the air
of a thief.
"Lor', sir, whatever is the matter?"
cried the cook, terrified at the pallor of
his c~ountenance.
He explained hat he wished to snug
gle a surprise present for Mrs. Virtue
into the house without her knowing
Servants adore a sensation; they en-
tered into league with him at once. and
it was not difficult with their help to
set the thing up with it's gaping nav
turned to where the two spouses gener-
ally sat together of an evening. its
wicked presence screened by a shelter
ing palm.
"E's goin' to discourse sweet music
to 'er ~unbeknowns!" said the house
maid, who was of a romantic turn of
mind.
After dinner Joseph vas attentive to a
degree to Mrs. Virtue; he pressed her to
sit at a particular angle, in a particular
chair, and he brought his own up so to
be as delightfully."- near her as possible.
She eyed him with a mixture of con-
temptuous complacency and distrust.
Il hope you realize there is only an
other month to Gladys wedding" she
said.
Really, my dear! How time hies!"
He felt stupid, but he wondered what
she was driving at.
Yes. should imagine she has given
up all hope Of receiving a wedding pres
ent from us now"
"Oh!" replied Joseph, comprehensive
ly, what is it to be?"
well, how much are you going to
spend?" answered his wife. "If you're
going to tie me down to 3O's, it's no use
thinking of jewelry or plate, is it?"
Joseph agreed that it was not.
What do you want to give?" he
asked, timidly.
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