The San Juan islander. [volume] (Friday Harbor, Wash.) 1898-1914, 1905-08-26
THE HoLD-uP MAN


LIE 0OAOeOP MAN
Meets TIT Great Philanthrcpist at q.
Peter's Gate.
"Well," asked ST. Peter, who are
your
Don't you know me?' returned the
applicant for admission. Surely my
name must be household word up
here. I am Hardy Skinner, the great
philanthropist"
And what did you philanthrope"
asked the sanity gate keeper.
me? Gracious, l thought you peo-
PIE kept set Of books and had every
body's record. Well, I'll tell you.
gave away more than 81, OOO, OOO-yes,
sir, just gave it to the people by fur
nishing them with art galleries.
Libraries, hospitals, colleges and that
sort of thing"
"Well, WELL" said ST. Peter, that
was lot Of money to give away.
How much were you WORTH when you
died?"
"Oh, l couldn't tell you exactly, but
I'd estimate it conservatively at about
$500, 100000"
"Whew! And how did you get it?"
How did 1 get it?' replied the spirit
of Hardy Skinner, rubbing it's trans
parent hands together in the old sat
isfied way that had been natural to
him in the flesh, why, l got 1t through
my great ability as captain OF In
dustry. l got rebates from railroads,
violated the laws in perfectly respect
able and ingenious ways, forced my
competitors out of business by reduc-
ing my products away below cost
where there was opposition and charg-
ing ten times more than was fair
where there was nobody to buck
against me- But you know that sort
Of thing is perfectly legitimate In
business. Yes, you mustn't overlook
that fact. My method, you see, was
necessary outgrowth OF commercial
expansion. 1t was a natural develop
ment due to modern conditions"
II see. You forced other people to
give up whatever you saw ut to take
from them and denied them the right
to engage in the kind of business you
were conducting"
THAT'S putting it rather rough, 1t
seems to me. Still, We'll admit, Tor
the sake of the argument, that it was
as you say. Think Of the money
gave back! Aha, there's where l nxeo
myself up for the glory in heaven,
eh? Think of a man giving $11, OOO,-
OOO To-
Excuse me a moment" said st.
Peter. "till 1 find out what that spirit
wants. Come, what is itY
please let me in,' said repulsive-
looking shape as it approached the
gate.
"Who were you and what did you
do to deserve admittance"
81 was a hold-up man-but walt
till tell you about it. l never robbed
fellow Of all he had without giving
him back q dime or quarter to get
home with or to secure lodging Tor
the night"
"What," asked st. Peter, turning
to the spirit of Hardy Skinner, would
you do If you were in my place! DO
you think I ought to let him Int!
"Let him in? Certainly not! The
wretch deserves no pity. What did
the return of a quarter amount to
when he had taken away $40 or 200
from somebody who may have had to
work hard to earn It? He ought to
roast for $1,000 years"
"Good," replied st. Peter, you are
a wise Judge, and you have saved me
the necessity OF considering your own
case any further"
"Wha-a-a screamed the spirit OF
Hardy Skinner. "You don't mean
to"
But there was a fash and then a
whirring noise as Of something heavy
dropping through space, after which
st. Peter turned to hear the pleas OF
other applicants.