davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Holbrook argus., 1905-10-07
Out Ofthe Ark.

MT. Bones-Why is an exhausted stick of carbon like dove?
 MT. Tambo-I gives it up, sah.
 MT. Bones-Because they both came out of the arc.
 Mir. Tambo-Lauies and gentlemen, with your kind permission, we will now sing: "I wish I Was a Senator 'n Nice Cool l."-Pittsburg Post
Holbrook argus., 1905-10-07
Wiling to Oblige.

Mifkins-A friend of mine tells me you called me donkey the other day. Bifkins-Yes, believe 1 did.
 Mifkins-Well, 1 think you ought to apologize.
 Bfkins-So do I.
 Mifkins-Then why don't you? Bifkins-Oh, don't let it worry you. I'll apologize when meet the other don key.
Holbrook argus., 1905-10-07
One Consolation.

Aunt Martha-I think Johns educa- tion will be of some benefit to him in the city.
 Uncle Sllas-Well, at least he can read an write, so he won't have to hurt his pride by callin' in somebody to write home for money for him. Detroit Tribune.
Holbrook argus., 1905-10-07
Blessing in DlsguIse.

Hallroom-Congratulate me, old man. We have new cook at our boarding house.
 Flatleigh-An improvement on the old one, eh?
 Hallroom-Well, I should guess yes. Why, she can actually cook prunes so you can't tell lem from dried peaches
Holbrook argus., 1905-10-07
Real Speed on an AutomobiIe.

Friend-What's that big box on the front of your machine?
 omobilist-That's a camera fo, taking moving pictures. You see, I go so fast 1 don't have time to look at the scenery, and so I photograph it as 20 along. Illustration.
Holbrook argus., 1905-10-07
Down on the Farm,

But l don't see any mosquito net ting in my room," said the young man who had just arrived.
 Don't need any" replied the old farmer "The mosquitoes are so big down here you can just put on a catch CTS mask and keep them off. You'll find a mask hanging under the clock"
Holbrook argus., 1905-10-07
MOthcr-in.IIuWleSS.

Miss GotroX-er-Clara will you be my wife?" asked the poor but almost honest young man.
 Are you quite sure you love me for myself aloneT queried the fair heiress.
 'Of course do," he replied. Didn't you tell me you were an orphan"
Holbrook argus., 1905-10-07
Too PuZZliny,

"How did you like the missionarys lecture Tommy?
 'I didn't understand it, pa."
 "Why not?"
 "Well, at first he said the natives of India had a hard time keeping the wolf from the door, and then he said the houses in India didn't have any doors."
Holbrook argus., 1905-10-07
Merely Suppositions.

Cordelia-1 suppose man sometimes wants to marry woman because he loves her.
 Clarence-Yes; and I suppose wom- an sometimes loves a man because she wants to marry him.
Holbrook argus., 1905-10-07
Inform ation Wanted.

Say, paw" querled little Johnny Bumpernickle, 'has the world a tail?"
 Certainly not, my son." answered the old man.
 "Then," continued the inquisltive youngster, "why does the papers say so wags the world if it has no tail to WacY
Holbrook argus., 1905-10-07
An Insinuation,

Askitt-Is there really such a thing as honor among thieves?
 Knowitt--Yes, I guess so. At least a number of grating politicians are entitled to "Hon" before their names. Chicago News.
Holbrook argus., 1905-10-07
By nn Observer.

Gunner-In slang dollars are often alluded to as 'bones,' are they not?
 Guyer-Frequently.
 Gunner-Then I guess great deal of codfish aristocracy is of the bone less" variety.
Holbrook argus., 1905-10-07

Did you ever hear man who talked as much about how he manages his household as Blifferly does?" asks Mir. Fadoogus. He is forever blowing his own horn.'
 "Yes," answers McTimms. He blows his own horn away from home, but there he plays second fiddle"
Holbrook argus., 1905-10-07
Strange, Indeed,

Belle-Do you believe in second sight, my dear?
 Eva-Sometimes.
 Belle-Speaking from experience? Eva-Yes, 1 have often told Jack that he needed d shave when it was too dark to see his face.
Holbrook argus., 1905-10-07
Corn Acreage.

"I hear," said the funny Cleevland girl, "that Cincinnati chiropodist re- moves corns by the foot"
 "Yes," rejoined the Cincinnati maid, but he is going to remove to Cleve- land, where he will be In position to remove them by the yard"
Holbrook argus., 1905-10-07
A Yacht for Sale.

"What kind of sail are you going to use on your yacht next year?" asked the enthusiast.
 ''Sheriff's, I guess" replied the owner, who had just looked over the stewards accounts.-Cincinnati CommercialT me.
Holbrook argus., 1905-10-07
Couldn't Jolly Her.

Mamma" said little Cordelia, q wish didn't have turn-up nose."
 "Why, think your nose is pretty, my dear," replied her mother.
 "Oh, mo- it isn't" rejoned the chubby miss, 'it just gets pugger and pugger every day"
Holbrook argus., 1905-10-07
LET US ALL LAUGH.
JOKES FROM THE PENS OF VA.
 RIOUS HUMORiSTS.
Pleasant Incidents Occurring the World Over-Sayings that Are Cheer full to old or Yonng-Funny Selections that You Will Enjoy.
A Short.Order Job.

Farmer-So you are looking for work, eh? What can you do?
 Tramp-Well, once worked for a week in a chophouse as waiter.
 Farmer-Good! 1 can give you q job in a chophouse, and you won't have to wait, either. Come with me to the woodshed.
Holbrook argus., 1905-10-07
Hitting Back.

Mrs. Laker-I am true daughter of Eve.
 Mir. Laker-I'd like to know in what way? You can neither cook nor wash dishes.
 Mrs. Laker-Neither could Eve.
Holbrook argus., 1905-10-07
Just So.

"An honest man" remarked the party with the quotation habit, ''is the noblest work of God"
 If the..'s fact" rejoined the cheer full idiot, "it might be policy to keep an eye on thu self-made man."
Holbrook argus., 1905-10-07
As Defined.

Say, pa," queried little Johnny Bum pernickle, "what's the difference between an optimist and a pessimist?"
 'An optimist," replied pa, "enjoys thing he can't like, and a pessimist likes thing he can't enjoy"
Holbrook argus., 1905-10-07
Her Little Scheme.

"Why is it," asked the strong mind ed female, "that you let your hus- band have his own way In every thing?"
 Because" answered the meek and lowly wife, ''it gives me chance to get back at him when things go wrong"
Holbrook argus., 1905-10-07
Easily Remedied.

Mrs. De Wiggs-I can't take this haiti doesn't suit the color of my hair.
 Mime. La Bonnette-But madame can easily change ze hair!-Clevelan Leader.
Holbrook argus., 1905-10-07
Relatively Not So Rich.

First Millionaire-I'm poorer now than I was ten years ago.
 Second Millionaire-Nonsense! You're worth $2,000,000 now and you were only worth $1,00O00O then.
 ''Yes. But $1,0000O0 was bigger fortune then than $2,OOO,O0O is now" Life.
Holbrook argus., 1905-10-07
What He Wanted.

Stern Father-Tell young Huggins that he must cease his visits here. 1 forbid him the house.
 Pretty Daughter-But, papa, dear, he doesn't want the house; he only wants me.
Holbrook argus., 1905-10-07
Her ExperienCe.

"Do you believe" queried the bach elor, "that the average woman has per feet confidence in her husband"
 "She has," replied the young widow, flor at least A hours after marriage"
Holbrook argus., 1905-10-07
Mean Thing,

Clarence, dear, have just made my first pound cake.
 Hubby-Good for you, Cordetia, I'll take it down to the office.
 Bride-What for?
 Hubby-For a paper weight.
Holbrook argus., 1905-10-07

The British Museum contains over two million volumes of printed books and manuscripts. which are stored upon forty miles of shelving.
Holbrook argus., 1905-10-07
OUR BUDGET OF FUN.
HUMOROUS SAYINGS AND DO.
 lNGS HERE AND THERE,

Jokes and Jokelets that Are Supposed to Have Been Recently Born-SayinRs and Doings that Are Old, Curious and LauEhable-The Weeks Humor.
Holbrook argus., 1905-10-07

Don't forget, when searching hubby's pocket, to leave him a nickel. It is a favor he will appreciate.
The statesman., 1905-09-29
Who Was sluebesrdl

Who was the original Bluebeard.
after whom the Chicago murderer sen.
fenced to death recently has been
nicknamed?" asks writer in the
London Chronicle He continues:
We owe the familiar Bluebeard Of
the pantomime to Charles Perrault
the Frenchman, who published in
1867 his immortal stories Of Blue.
beard. The Sleeping Beauty, Little
Red Riding Hood and Cinderella
But Il is very uncertain who. II any
body, was Perrault's model for Blue
beard.
Some have supposed that II was
our Henry VIII, others that the tale
is lampoon upon the castle lords Of
knight errantry days in general Per.
haps the favorite candidate has been
Giles de Rails, marshal of France. who
was hanged and burned In l44O for an
awful series OF crimes.
During fourteen years he was be.
lieved to have kidnapped about l5O
children. tortured them, sacrificed
them to the devil, burned their bodies
and buried their bones in his castle
But the resemblance be.
tween his tale and Bluebeard's is too
slight to be convincing"
The statesman., 1905-09-29
Thoroughly in Keeping.

In the library of the Vatican is a
Gu ~'ous manuscript in the shape of q
treatise upon dragons, written several
hundred years ago. The script is
twelve inches wide and some three
hundred feet in length, and the curl.
Gus parchment upon which 1t is writ
ten is declared by tradition to be the
tanned intestine Of one of the ser.
pents written about.
As the parchment is without a seam
1t is clearly the product of some enor.
nous animal. and it is only charitable
10 the author TO accept the statement
that the parchment is proof positive
that he wrote of actualities. as At.
tested by the evidence adduced
The statesman., 1905-09-29
Odd Meanings of 4InventIon. {"

The festival of the invention of the
cross, which commentaries the dis
covery Of the true cross at Jerusalem
by ST. Helena, celel tqted on May 8,
keeps alive the old, general meaning
OF Invention that seems strange to
modern eyes and ears. Invention"
signifies simply finding though the
meaning of discovery has been spec
ialized away from it in modern speech
thus Hooker wrote OF that judicial
method which seemeth best for the in.
yention Of truth. When Burton wrote
OF the invention OF geometrical
problem" he meant its solution. In
the seventeenth century the circula.
ton OF the blood was described as the
best and most useful invention Of this
latter age. and in the eighteenth
century Or. Willis was referred to "a
the FIRST inventor OF The nervous sys
tenn"
The statesman., 1905-09-29
Hindoo Bathing Festival.

Says a newspaper published in In
dia: The Mahavarni, the great bath.
ing festival of the Hindoos. was OBJ
served on the night of the 1st Of May.
Immense crowds from all parts of the
country repaired to Hardwar TO bathe
In the Ganges on the occasion. The
giving away 10 Brahmans of rice
sweets, clothes and utensils on the oc.
casion is considered meritorlous. and
the festival must have proved wind.
fall to the prisstly class. In Lahore
the festival was celebratd in a betit.
ting manner, The road between the
city and the Ravi was Instinct with
life throughout the night"
The statesman., 1905-09-29

make out what was the reason. But
soon | discovered it. One of the la
dies of the house party brought me her
album and asked me to write my name
down and the country from which |
came did so, and after having writ
ten Bolivia, she asked, Something
else?' said, What Something
else?' said, South American Yes,
she said, that is what we want And
then the lady OF the house told me
they had been discussing at length
where Bolivia was; some said 1t was
in South America and some in Bohe-
mia. When she told me this found
out they expected to see me dressed
in feathers
The statesman., 1905-09-29
SERVED SENTENCE AT NIGHT.
How Justice Was Satisfied in Early
DAYS in Arkansas.


representative in congress who
was formerly Judge on clrcult-in-
cluding the state of Arkansas-relatss
an amusing instance of the free-and-
easy administration OF justice In that
section in the old days.
"On certain occasion" says the
former judge, Il had sentenced a man
in one OF the smaller towns of Ar
kansas to three months in jail for Ia
ceny, A few days after the trial
was on my way to the station in the
company, so II chanced, with the sher-
In of the county, when | passed a
man busily engaged in saving wood
He greeted me most politely with
Good mornin', Jedge'
Il returned the mans salutation and
continued on my way There had
seemed something In his face that was
familiar, so asked the sheriff who
be was. That Official hesitated a mo,
ment before replying Then he said:
That's the fellow you sentenced to
lhree months Tor larceny the other
day.
Seeing how astonished / was that
a man sentenced to three months i'm.
prlsonment should In three or four
days still be at liberty, the sheriff
hastened to explain
Yes. Jedge. that's the same man.
The fact is. Jedge. that We don't hap.
pen to have anybody else in jail Jest
now. so We thought It would kinder
be a useless expense to hire some,
body to look after Jest this one prls.
oner. Consequently. Jedge gave
the fellow the jail key and told him
that II he'd sleep there nights, | reek-
oned II would be all right"-Nev
York Times.
The statesman., 1905-09-29
VERMONT ONCE A REPUBLIC.
In the Days Of Ethan Allen the State
Was So Called.

The Republic of vermont-such was
the name Of the Green Mountain state
In the days II Ethan Allen and John
Stark before she joined the Union.
Then her people had the marked char
acteristics Of a free and independent
race and Nermonters have ever shown
themselves worthy OF the brotherhood
OF "the old thirteen" which they we're
the FIRST TO enter after the adoption
OF the constitution.
The sturdy traits which made the
sons aud daughters Of this common.
wealth famous in the eighteenth CEN
tury have been communicated In large
degree TO their descendants. Aside
from recent additions to the popula-
ton by French from Canada Vermont
always has been singularly free from
foreign admi1ture. Its people are al.
most entirely agricultural. and manu-.
featuring is carried on by only small
percentage OF the populat On.
No slave was ever owned in Yer.
mont and Il was Vermont Judge who
brought TO book southern stakeholder
showing bin of sale for a slave he
sought to reclaim. The bill was re-
fused status In court and when the
southerner demanded to be told what
sort OF title would be acceptable Judge
Theophilus Harrington replied: "A
bill OF sale from God Amighty!"-Chi.
cago Chronicle.
The statesman., 1905-09-29
Scholastic Record.

MIR. John Smith, schoolmaster. Coyl.
ton.by-Ayr, Scotland. has just celebrat.
ed his jubilee as teacher His pred
ecessor had been schoolmaster Of
Coylton for ffty-two years His name
was John McClymont Mr.. McCly.
monts predecessor was Hector
Walker. for hfty-four years schooln ~.
Ter OF Coylton; so three men have oc.
cupled the position for l56 years
The statesman., 1905-09-29

Here TO Study Tobacco Raising.
r. B. De. full-blooded BrahmIn Of
iigh degree, is In New Haven. Conn
10 study tobacco raising at the Con.
recticut agricultural experiment sta.
lion and will make use OF the krcrl
edge acquired In growing the weee
extensively on his estates at home
The statesman., 1905-09-29
Knew Nothing Of Bolivia.

Col Suarez, Bolivian charge
d'afralres In London, tells this story:
1T is not very long ago that was
invited to country house in England,
and when arrived there found only
the ladies' Of the house party. They
were all staring at me. and could not
The Springdale news., 1905-04-28
Romeo and Juliet.

An ideal Juliet has been found in Miss Pauline Fault who plays the part hefe "a SimVelle'S Seeni [ production Of Romeo and Jntieta at Opera House.
 The voQng adv is but nineteen years Of age and has truly remarka- ble record f9r one SD young The fol- lowing k enly partial list of the parts played oy Miss PauH in the four years she has been on the stage: Under Two FlagS-Cigarette lead East Lynne Lazy Isasel featured in special tour as the youngest actress ever successfully playing the role.
 Shannon CT the SiXth-Dora Kim bier Juvenile lead
 Arabian NighJs-Rose Columbia lead
 Caprice-Rose Garland (Soubrette lead
 Ticket Of Leave Man-Sam Will loughby boy part.
 TrisS-Triss Head
 Kidnapped Blake
 Convict's Daughter-France juve- nile lead
 Master and Man-Florence ljuve- nile lead.
 Great Diamond Robbery-MarY Marshal emotional lead
 A Crazy Idea-GuSsle (ingenue leadl. Our Bovs-VIolet Juvenile lead
 New Bedford, Mass, Stock Com pany Heading lady
 Power of the Cross lead.
 Camille-In special tour.
 Uncle Terry-Alice.
 Nc Wedding Bells For Her-ttitle role.
 Opera House one night Monday, May l. Special Prices fer this date only 25c, 50c and 75c. Seats on sale at Ownbey's Drug Store.
The Springdale news., 1905-04-28
N otiee.

Notice is hereby given that I will on the 21th day of May, 1905, between the hours prescribed by law for judi cial sales sell to the highest and best bidder for cash Tn hand, on the prem ises the following described real estate situate in the county of Washington. State of Arkansas to-wit: The SEE of the SW of Section thirty-one t3D, Tp IS N. of k 29 West and the NEt Of the SEt of Section four (4l, in Tp II N. of k. 29 West, Eighty ts0) acres more or less.
 This sale is made by virtue of the power vested in me in certain mort gage deed made, executed, and de- livered to me on the 18th day of Feb ruary 1904, by L. M. Miles and S. o. Miles his wife, to secure the payment of promisorY note of that date for two thousand ts2, 2,000l dollars due and payable on or before twelve months after date with interest from date until paid at the rate of ten (l0) per cent per annum. The land will have to bring two-thirds of it's appraised value.
 This April 19, 1905.
 J. Y. STE vENsoN, Mortagee.
The Springdale news., 1905-04-28
To Whom It May Concern.

l, Isom Matherly, of Tahle- qnah, 1. T., wish to state that Whereas there has been some elaim for damages by ne against J. W. Hetz and others of Spring dale, Ark, in regard to q certain exchange of property such claim ot any nature has been fully set lied between said J. w. Hetz and sad lsom Matherly and said property reconveyed and deliver ed back to me and I hereby re- iinquiSh any and all claim either legal or moral for damages agalnst said J. w. Hetz or any one connected with said exchange Of property.
 l am now stopping with sad hetz and family and wish to thank them for their courteous .reatment since my arrival in T1ahlequah.
 Witness: IsoM MArHERLY.
 T. E. FIELD.
The Springdale news., 1905-04-28
A. H. SEARCY.
The Passing of One of Spring.
 dale Oldest Citizens.

After an illness of only one week A. H. Searcy passed away Sunday at 7;S0 ?. I'll. at his home III Springdale. Mir. Searcy had not been in very good health for some time and few days ago he was taken with pneumonia. which caused his death. Funeral services were held at the family residence Monday afternoon at I o'clock, conducted by Rev. ]. A. Smith, pastor of the First Bap- t1st church, and the remains were inferred in Bluff Cemetery.
 Mr. Searcy was born in Ruther- ford County, \. C., November 5. 1924, and m 1s42 moved with his parents to Gilmore County. Geor- gla. December 14. 1s45, he was united III marriage to Miss Tenn perance Price, and in 1859 they came to Arkansas and settled on farm g miles southeast of Springdale. In 1877 they moved to town and for two years Mir Searcy Was engaged in the ner- cantile business, under the firm name of Philips, Searey X Good man. He then formed a partner ship with Dr. 0. D. Slaughter and for two years they conducted business under the firm name of of Slaughter < Co. J. B. Bag gett next formed a partnership with Mir. Searcy and they were engaged in business d number of years, the firm being known as Searcy X Baggett. Mir. Bag gett, retiring from the business, MT. Searcy took in his son. w. O., and for two years. the firm was Searcy & Son. Later on another son, W. H., was taken in as d partner and the firm chang ed to Searcy X Sons. It was continued thus until April 1, lS99, when Mr. SearSy retired on ae- count of failing health, and the business has been continued since as Searey Bros. When Mr. Searcy first came to Springdale lie located on property in the west part of town where Wm. Foeht HOW lives and about q year later he bought property on Johnson Street where he has since lived and where he died.
 October 2, fsb1. Mr. Searcy en- listed m the Confederate army as q member of Capt. George [. Robards Cavalry Company. first battalion, Arkansas volunteers. He served one year and was given an honorable discharge, which has the signature of Col. Ras Stirman and Maj. Gen. Sterling Prtee and bearing date of Octo- Der Q, 1892. In lS65 he re-enlist- ed and served until the close of the war.
 AIr. and Mrs. Searcy were the parents of eight children, four sons and four daughters, only three of whom are now living, W. H.. Mrs. N. NJ. Watson and
The Springdale news., 1905-04-28

in" with certain element over there or he cannot make good, no differ ence how good ball player he is.
 J. A. Stevenson returned Friday night from Lampassas and other points in Texas where he has been for two months visiting relatives. While away he met nephew whom he had not seen since his infancy. He had a very enjoyable visit, and has been in fairly good health.
 Miss Bertha Bennett, daughter or J. P. Bennett, left recently for Salida, Colorado, where she goes for the bene-- it of her health. Word was received Monday that she made the trip all right. Her many friends here sin cerely trust that the change Of eli mate may speedily restore her to health.
The Springdale news., 1905-04-28
Berries, Peas and Beans Wanted

l wish to say to the farmers that have contracted with Sev- eral berry, fruit and vegetable |eompanies to solicit shipments of berries and vegetables. etc, to them. So call at ny store and l will furnish you with stencils to ship Year berries or vegetables To most any market YOU wish to ship them to If you prefer to sell them l will pay you tile highest market price for them and ship them myself. So in this way |You have your choice to ship or sell. Remember where tt call to see me, three doors west of F. & NJ. Bank. Opera Block.
 Your respectfully, |b9-5t J. (. JOHNSON.
The Springdale news., 1905-04-28

w. 0. Since Mrs. Watsons re- return from Colorado d few years ago she and her daughter have made their home with Mir. and Mrs. Searty.
 MT. Searcy was a good citizen and good man, and we'll merit. ed the high regard in which he was held by all who knew him. He had for years been a membe [ of the Baptist church and while he lived d consistent Christian lite, he made no oStentatious dis play of his religion. He was firm in his convection and rugged ly honest in all his dealings, and all of his long life no one has heard evil of him. Peace to his memory.
 To the aged wife The News offers sympathy.
 The family of the deceased re- quest The News to tender their grateful thanks to their friends for the many kindneSsess shown them during the illness and death Mir. Searcy.
 The Fayetteville Daily reports the birth of a son to Mir. and Mrs. J. F. Suttle.
 Mr. aud Mrs. Ghas. Snyer are entertaining a daughter, who arr rived Thursday night of last week.
 Mrs. D. Hummer who hes been sick for several months Is not im- proving and it is feared she will not recover.
 Fred Beasley. who was attend ing court at Fayetteville, as a member of the petit jury. was called home Monday night by a new arrival as his house. It's d boy.
 The members of the Christian church will give a reception at the church tonight compliment tary to Mr. and Mrs, N. B. Clark, who will go to Seligman, Mo-, next week to make their home. All members of the church are invited to be present.
 Dr. and Mrs. A. C. Smith this week moved to the farm two miles west of town, which they secured recently in trade with Lee Sanders. NIT. and Mrs. San ders have moved into their prop erty on Holcomb Street which was formerly owned by Dr.. Smith.
The Springdale news., 1905-04-28
NOTICE.

Notice is hereby given that l Will ,,ecelye bids for the next thirty days n;,a son any and all parties who may sSn to buy the old courthouse, teuilding. The same shall be removed rum the premises where 1t now ssanos ssdn within 90 days A forfeit oi @ s-vo IS demanded for it's rem0Vdl athin that time. The commissioner :eserYes the privilege to reject all
 Geo. Stockard
 Commissioner.
The Springdale news., 1905-04-28

(. B. Lewis has gone on the road with Battel Axe Shoes. It is rather an experiment. with him and he don't know whether the job will prove to his liking or not.