The citizen-Republican. (Scotland, Bon Homme County, S.D.) 1???-19??, 1905-05-25
COULD REALLY SkORE.

~ OESOa1Es
Washington Star: The fat sleeper
in the middle of the smoking car was
snoring like a lumberjack after the
spring drive.
The man with the store clothes and
the black glazed bag, in the seat be-
hind, regarded the fat sleeper curious
tly.
Right smart on the snore, hey?" he
remarked to his seatmate, who nodded.
That is to say. went c n the a
with he black glazed bag, he's some
on the snore as snorin' goes back this
IVA but his work sounds like a
jewsharp alongside a bass drum in
comparison with the snorin' O. Ficks
Pluffey, out my way"
"Ficks," commented the seatTnate of
the man with the black glazed bag,
must ha' been a some noisy slumber-
er."
That's what Ficks was said the
man with the black glazed bag. Picks
holds the Kansas record for snorin' at
all distances, from a jump to four
miles, and there's a heap O. powerful
snorers out in Kansas, at that. Ficks
Pluffey druv a coal wagon out in
~Leavenworth, and he lived ext door
t me. So I ought t. know. Ficks KEEP
me shorin' up my a with railroad
ties for five years, on account of his
Eiio al. lIlol, I1ShS SlIo1So 81 q
n night that the blamed wickieup fell
In on me vile I was in my bunk, n
/ like to've piped out right then. That
was when the town got together n
made Ficks sleep out in the woods.
1T was a real drawback t Ficks, his
snorin'. 1t sure was. He was always
gettin' into some kind of a mess along
O his snorin'. I never will f'get the
time he broke up all the cavalry horses
at Fort Leavenworth. The soldiers
havin' what they call monkey-and-Cos-
sack drill on the p'rade groun' on the
Fourth O July, and Ficks Pluffey took
a run up to the post to look it over.
Vile waitin' fr the boss soldiers t
show up Ficks picked out a soft piece
O grass under a tree over t the left O.
the p'rade groun', and from cheWin' On
blades O. grass and loaf1n' there in the
shade, what does Ficks do but git, t.
slumberin'. He was off in a spot by
was anywhere near the post.
We'll, the bosses with their riders
came %a-rolpin' out, a hull regiment,
and purity soon they got t dom them
fancy circus tricks, a-slowin' the bosses
up some SOS t. be able t. hang on.
Well, sir, ev'ry one O them soldiers was
a-standin' on his head on his hoss's
back, the bosses goin' slow n even
ike, NEUTRALITY-SUSPICIOUS. the
trumpet call that meant 'charge!' 1t
was only Ficks wakin' up and lettin'
out a final snore blast, but the bosses
didn't know that, and neither did the
soldiers, fr it sounded jes' as much like
the trumpet call t charge as the
charge itself. Now, all @ them bosses
in the Fort LeavenWorth cavalry had
been out in Injun fights, and the
charge t them was like what a bar
keeps bungstarter 'ud be t me and
you. 1t started EN-.
"EV'ry one q them thOrSan' and odd
hosses jes' give one big jump at the
sound, and away they went, ev'ry last
soldier a-fallin' off-they was standin'
on their heads on the hosses' backs at
the time, l think l newfoundland
ev'ry one O. them comm burned peril
Gus near t breakin' their necks. The
bosses, not knowin' what was doin'
without their riders, stanpeded fr the
tall brush FIR fair, and most Of EN- ran
about twenty-five miles before they
was corraled, and that wa'an till five
days later on. Most O. the soldiers had
t go t the hospital fr repairs, bein'
all bunged up from fallin' on their
heads, and Q kin bet the kunnel O.
the regiment was more. than red-head-
ed about it.. Then an officers kid that
had slipped up clus t Were Ficks lay
told the old man that it had been Ficks
Pluffey that had sounded the charge
a-snorin', and Ficks had t. stink up t
Atchlson and stay there a month or so
till the thing blowed over, or the SOL
diers would sure ha' killed him.
We'll, even vile that hard luck
Ficks was up in Atchison he couldn't
keep out O trouble on account O. his
snorin'. He came SO near wreckin' a
freight and passenger train by bringin'
EN- t'gether headon that the railroad
folks threatened t send him t state
prison Fl life if he didn't make a move
back t Were he came from.
1T seems that Ficks was sleepin' one
night in a clump O pushes alongside
the railroad track, when a long freight
train pulled up clus t Were he lay.
There was a hot box or sor1ethin' the
matter with the engine, and the freight
had t be stopped right there on the
main track.
The overland express from the other
direction was due right then, too, and
a brakeman was jes' startin' forward
with a red lantern t. signal the passen-
ger train t pull up until the freight
could get under way t make the sidin',
wen, 10 and b'hold, the whistle O. the
passenger train was heard in the dis
o the passenger train sort O. got Ficks
Pluffey t. dreamin', as he lay there
alongside the track, and durn my
whiskers if he didn't in his sleep let
out a snore that could ha' been heard
ten miles, n that meant all right
SAoNn NiSo1-"Sl e Ol tIlt Slu1n. Inc
freight crew was SO kerf1ummoxed fr
a minnit that they didn't know which
way t turn, but they heard the passen-
ger train a-thunderin' down upon them.
and the brakeman he'd jes' time t. rush
forward, wavin' his red lantern with
all his might, n stop the passenger
train. the engine O. which came t. a
halt on'y about an eighth of an inch
away from the helpless freight engine.
1t was the narroWest shave ever know
ed in western railroadin', and Wen the
wv crews investigated the source n,
the snored whistle and found Ficks still
asleep, they booted him awake and
handled him somethin' s~candalous. and
poor Ficks vas warned t. git ont a.
Atchison before daylight
Literary S~trenuosity.
Atlanta Constitution: Molly, has