The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1905-08-13
COMMENTS ON MEN AND
MATTERS OF THE WORLD

IN nee there dwelt a man who
w strove constantly for the good
things Of life but found them
always Just out of his reach. He had a
temperament that might be called aes-
thetic, a winning way, the average
amount Of brains and an immense amount
of that commodity which the vulgar call
nerve In fact he was well equipped
to land a good insurance job, with the
exception of a violent prejudice against
work. The gentleman IN question kept
himself removed as far as possible from
anything that suggested labor. with tho
result that he frequently had to tell tho
collectors that he would see them the
next day. 1t was long time before the
aesthetic man found the place that had
been cut out for him. but finally he
woke up to his real forte and followed
1t In way to succeed without becoming
fatigued. He founded new re-
ligion. He let his hair grow and
cultivated spirituele cast of
countenance until followers fioclxed af-
ter him with all they had. He announced
himself the high priest of the Holy
Whoopers and started a little town Of
his own. In a few years he spoke at the
dedication of million dollar temple and
had so much money In the bank that he
really got tired of worrying with his ac-
counts. 1t was SO easy that he cursed
his luck for not having started sooner.
He still winks his off eye while receiv-
ing donations, and when he dies he will
sleep under a tall monument. Young men
desiring to rise should go In for a new
religion.
Frequenters of hash foundries will be
pleased to learn that California expects
to have only half a crop of prunes this
year.
In Tom Watson's magazine for August
a cartoonist shows what became of the
Equitable surplus. There is a picture of
Bacchanalian feast with a lightly
clothed young woman doing turn on
the banquet table. The dancer looks
like Little Egypt"
NOT LIKE FOLK.
When a stately craft is showered with
Fine booze by a lovely daughter,
The vessel has a CHASER" for
She straightway takes the water"
Gimme 200 of them tickets" remarked
the American millionaire to the young
woman who was raising funds for an or
phans' outing, thus showing that he was
not as bad as his grammar
Cincinnati preacher compares John
D. Rockefeller to Nero. It must be con-
fessed that the resemblance is trif1e
hyperbolical If some of our frenzed sky
pilots are not careful in their denuncia-
tions of the worlds richest man. they
will put themselves in a position to be
kidnapped by the trustees of an insane
asylum
OF course 1t is not surprising that g
peace cocktail has been invented by
Portsmouth bartender. No ambitious
"mixologist' would permit such an oppor-
tunity of becoming famous to slip by
without at least making an effort to seize
1t, but it begins to appear that peace Is
just now problematical, IL not visionary.
In case there is no peace the Portsmouth
peace cocktail will either expire or suffer
a change of name. It is, one might say, a
tilHe previous. HAD II been dubbed the
Komura cocktail It's future would not
have depended upon such an uncertain
quantity as a treaty of peace between
Russia and Japan.
DRAWING THE LINE
Although we dote on ancient art
While the modern sculptor begs,
We've never shown penchant for
Old hen fruit-ancient eggs
Having become promoter, former Ban
dit Cole Younger will have many oppor-
tunties to disregard the law of mine
and thine without clashing with thA