Twice-a-week plain dealer. (Cresco, Howard County, Iowa) 1895-1913, 1905-05-23
81 Il
! EBEN HOLDEN / /
II l~A - ~ AA~S 1S~ GA@ ~
II BY IRVING BACHELLER i:
es,,s.e.. 1894 y 1o1u.op rup11sn,ne eonrAnr e +:
By IRVING BACHELLER
Copyright 1894 - Lo1HRop PUBLISHING coMpANY


| quest OF II.
Wouldn't wonder f the fur flew
when they git t goin'," she remarked,
and then hurried on, her head erect, her
body motionless, her legs flying. Such
energy as she gave to the pursuit Of
mourning have never seen equaled in
any other form of dissipation.
\ The schoolhouse was nearly full Of
people when we came in. The big boys
were wrestling in the yard. Men were
lounging on the rude seats inside idly
discussing crops and cattle and lapsing
into silence frequently that bore the
signs both of expectancy and reflection.
Young men and young women sat to-
gether on one side Of the house whis-
pering and giggling. Alone among them
was the big and eccentric granddaugh-
ter of Mrs. Bisnette, who was always
slapping some youngster for imperti-
hence. Jed Feary and Squire Town sat
together behind pile Of books, both
looking very serious. The long hair
and beard of the old poet were now
white and his form bent with age. He
came over and spoke to US and took
curl Of Hopes hair in his stiffened fin
gers and held 1t to the lamplight.
What silky gold" he whispered.
rs skein O. fate, my dear girl!'
Suddenly the schoolteacher raped
on the desk and babe us come to order,
and Ransom Walker was called to the
chair.
"Thet there is talent In Faraway
township" he said, having reluctantly
come to the platform, "and talent Of
the very highest order, no ono can
deny who has ever attended lyceum
at the Howard schoolhouse. I SEE evil
dences Of talent in every face before
me. And wish to ask what are the
two great talents Of the Yankee-tal-
ents that made our forefathers famous
the world over? pause for an an
swer."
He had once been schoolmaster,
and that accounted for his didactic
style.
What are the two great talents Of
the Yankee?" he repeated, his hands
clasped before him.
"Doughnuts an pie" said Uncle Eb,
who sat in far corner.
! mo, sir" Mr.. Walker answered.
'There's some hev talent fer sawin'
wood, but we don't count that. It's
war an speakin'-they are the two
great talents of the Yankee. But his
greatest talent is the gift O. CAB. Give
him chance t talk 1t over with his
enemy, an he'll lick i'm without fight.
An when his enemy is another Yankee
why. they both git licked. Jest as it
was in the case Of the man tibet sold
me lightnin' rods. He was sorry he
done it before got through with him.
If we did not encourage this talent in
our sons they would be talked to death
by our daughters. Ladies and gentle
men, it gives me pleasure T say that
the best speakers in PARKWAY township
have come here t. discuss the important
question:
Resolved, That intemperance has
caused more misery than war
II call upon Moses Topper to open
for the Affirmative"
Moses, who rose to respond, had q
/ most unlovely face, with thin and
bristling growth of whiskers. In CIV
Ing him features nature had been gen.
erous to fault He had a large red
nose and mouth vastly too big for
any proper use. 1t was mouth fash
Toned for odd sayings. He was well to
do and boosted often that he was a
self made man. Uncle Eb used to say
that If Nose Upper had had the
maxim Nv himself he'd oughter done
1t more careful"
1 remember not much Of the speech
he made, but the picture Of him as he
rose on tiptoe and swung his arms like
a man fighting bees and his drawing
tones are as familiar as the things Of
yesterday.
Gentlemen an ladies'" said he pres
emily, "let me show you pictur'. II
Is the drunkard's child. It is hungry,
an there amt no food In Its home. The
child Is poorer n straw fed boss.
I. 'Tain't he'd thing t eat since day be.
fore yistiddy. Pictur' It to yourselves
as 1t comes cryin' to II mother an
says:
ANA, 81 me piece o bread an but
ter
"She covers her face with het apron
an says she, There aim none left, my
child
/ "An' bime by the child comes ag'ir
an holds up its poor little hans an
says, Ma, please 81 me piece O cake.
can she goes an looks out o. the viii
der er mebbe pokes the fire an says
There ain none left, my child
AN bime by it comes ag'in, an II
says, Please 81, me little piece q
pie.'
"An' she mebbe fops into chair an
says, sobbin'. There ain none left, my
child
| mo pie! Now. Mr.. Chairman" ex
claimed the orator as he lifted botl
hands high above his head, IF this
amt misery, in Gods name what Is
It?
Years ago, when was young
man, Mr.. President, l went to dance
one night at the village of Migleyville
got toothache. an the devil tempted
me with whisky, an TUX one glass
an then another, an purity soon be
gun t. think was mighty hefty sor
OF character, did, an I stud on ,
corner an stumped everybody t fgh
with me, an bime by an accommodate
In kind Of chap come along, an that
all remember O. what happened
When come to my coat tails had beef
tore off, I'd lost one leg O. my trousers
bran new silver watch, tew dollars II
money an pair O spectaeles. Whel
stud up an tried t realize what hef