The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1905-07-16

OF inc PittSburgs. had taken a battin'
slump. An then l says to myself, kind
O musing, How funny it'd be, Hag. if
you sh'd take a battin' slump. Wot
would Alfalfa think, and wot would
the boys think, if you failed to make
az Ieast TWO homers game? And
then 1 got to thinkin' OF the four
homerS had busted out the day be-
fore, and the last one won the game,
when all of "A sudden l heard a squeaky
little voice sayin': Quick Quick Now
we got HIM" and the next minute an
army O. baseballs with little thin legs
an arms an no bodies an ali head
which was dollar an a quarter balls,
III each case-Came runnin' out of the
woods and surrounded me. Before
could git UD there was so many on my
legs an arms that l was prisoner
Then bran new ball, all but a big
green swiDe on one side. who seemed
TO be the leader, he sings out:
Bring forth the COrndropper Grip
pIesi"
out O the woods. in plain view, came
marchin a second army o balls, only
these all had something serious the
matter with 'em. Some was IOpsided
an some was three-coTnered, and some
had big cuts an tears an dents in their
covers-or skins, s'pose you'd call EN-
and most all had stitches busted.
Out from the middle a ball that you'd
say had fairly been murdered was
working his way to the front.
He was the worst ever in the way o
bad looks, let alone the grass stains an
the mud swipes on him, nearly all his
stitches was broke. he was all lOpsided.
and right down through the middle of
his face there was a tremendous great
big crack, and gray yarn an Irvine
oozed out when he walked.
Though he said that talking hurt
nm. he made pretty good first at it.
and he started on a long rigmarOle
about how the first thing he knew in
lie was when girl i'm a factory was
wrapping him up in tissue paper and
TN foil, and then he was packed in "a
req box and near SmOthered. and one
day he was chuCked out before "A
bowling mob Of people for a crowd Of
men IN blue suits to throw and catch,
and another crowd in red suits to hit
with big wooden clubs.
As he said this there came "A groan
81 sympathy from the hull assemblage.
They seemed to know what he meant.
I was thrown and battered about in
a shameful way says he. And then
finally the noise became deafening.
and this great giant stepped forth with
a huge bat in his hands. The crowd
seemed to be asking him to do some
thing. I felt that my time had come,
when another giant threw me swiftly
toward this giant and l saw that great
club whipped around at me. Then
there came tremendous crash, and l
knew no more.
Three days later | awoke i'm q field
a mile away from the ball grounds.
had secured my freedom, but at what
a pricet / was the wreck that I am now,
and all through the brutality of this
great villain here. You have all had
experiences like mine at his hands and
YOU all bear marks of his great
strength. He is a menace to the base
bail community Now we have got him.
What punishment shall we mete out?''
thought l was gOner for sure, but
hEr Do ID
looNin for me to play pinochle, an the
balls skipped. But as they went they
shook their little thin fists at me an
says:
again. or Vel set you for keeps, you
big dub"
Say, when I got to the Alfalfa House
after that I was plumb scared. 1t ain {
pleasant for a Teller to think of that all
the balls he's busted in his long career
are layin' for him to put him away. I
got SoiH' back i'm my mind to the times
when I had smashed many a ball Just
out o pure deviltry. when there was
no occasion for il. an they was so
many that ! began to get afraid. Pinch
Hobbs had gone away to see his mo- her.
an / couldn't tell him. and Josh was
out in Russetville lookin' for a new
right fielder. as Billings had quit US.
an II was before we got Farmer Rufe
Al ribson- I was mixed uD as to who to
well my troubles TO an get advice, and
just then Tim McGiunis the manager
q the Hayvilles. walks into the bar
room.
The very mani" says l. Next to
Josh he's the clcverest ball manager
i'm the business. He's doped out cata-
mount CuaChcrs an bald eagles for left
ueiderS, an dog kCtCherS. an / guess
he can figger out way to help me
again these pesl<y little horsehIdes.''
So I gets Tim in a corner and tells
him III When | got through he wills
tied e RyE. low whistle, an says:
"HaPca MS is scriouser than ! thought.
You a'UF up against il for fair. If il
was cream you had / know n witch
who could put you right. But a thing
like this here is beyond a witch's pow
err. / Judge. What you want is a nor
TiLle.
~ wot?' says I.
"A norrikle. Somethin that Laws over
switches like you beat Mccain an that
bunch q N York Giants. They's "A
norrikle at Delphi out in Greece. but
we couldn't git out there an back to
play ball tomorrow"
'Wot cd he do. anyway says l. IF
they're Eoin' to get me they'll get me 80
oh, no says he. You're i'm wrong.
This here nOrrilSIe out i'm Greece is a
bird. An il amt a he; it's she.
Shell throw a spell over YOU so nOthin'
I'm the world kin harm you"
= don't want no woman THROWN no
spells over me" says /. "A lady named
Gladys threw one over Pinch Hobbs
once, an he signed a contract with
WheSr7ss, an they near got him away
from us"
Oh, shut up" says Tim IF you
can't talk sense, put "A lock on your
trap This here norrikle amt any
thing like a real woman. NobOdv-s
ever even seen her. You go to Delphi
an tell the nOTrikle through a knothole
In the fence. an then she makes a fire
an says some mystic words an then
tells YOU back through the knothole
Wot'S up"
but it costs money TO 20 there. -
says l. A hun bunch Of il That's
further away that y York. | can't go
there an he playin' ball with the Al
faltaS, too. An if ! do ] amt DRAWN
any wages an maybe she couldn't do
me any good. anyhow. And then
where do ] get OFF,
~ cure a big mutt. an you'll never
be anything else" SAYS Tim. IF you
couldn't play ball you'd starye to death
for want % wits. Now. I'm going to
put you next TO my scheme. Wen send
a substitute TO this here norrikIe in
stead o you III pay the freight just
cause I like you. But in the meantime
you must do just what them balls
said
w hats that" says l.
You mustn't hit "A bali beyond sec
ond base till that norrikle gifts back
n