Martinsburg statesman. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1869-1906, 1905-05-26

gittin' older, crankier and deefer ev-
cry day.
Cot so it was kind o. a joke, as yer
might say; I'd do it at the table just
for fun. Have some beans, yer old
image?" I'd ask him, the fust part
loud enough to take the roof off and
the rest in an ordinary tone of voice.
And then Maria'd quicker up her face
to keep from larfin'.
For them two years he never men
toned Siddie's folks except to run
'em down, but all at once he began to
change his tune Begun to Honder
haw they was gettin' along, and said
he would like to see 'em, till Maria
and me began to git real worried.
His seventy-eighth birthday was
comm, and we thought 'twould please
him if we made a kind o. celebration
of it, We talked it over some, and
Maria said she'd git up a special good
dinner and have whoppin' birthday
cake. | told her twas foolishness,
but she was set on it and said he was
old and childish and would be tickled
to death, so | let her go ahead
Well the morning of his birthday
hitched up and drove to town to buy
some hay for the cattle, cos we'd run
out. Well, when | got home found
Maria in an orful stew.
Seems she'd gone over to the Nick
erson's ter borrow some sugar, and
she and Pashy Nickerson got talkin'
about the minister's wife, how extray-
agant Nathaniel Nixon was since he
got married, and one thing er another,
till twas IL O'Clock fore she started
home. On the way she met Lysander
he says, Left a package at your
house: twas for yer Uncle Eph."
We had fine dinner, roast beef and
plum puddin' and heaven knows what,
but nothin' suited Uncle Eph. He
growled at the vittles and said this
was burnt and that was raw, till | got
madder'n young heifer. Fin lily
Maria went out and fetched the birth
day cake Twas noble old cake
tell yer; there was Uncle Ephum on it
done in red peppermint lozenges;
Maria made the letters SO big there
wasn't room for the IN" on the end.
Here's a big slice for you, Uncle, |
howled, and then l says, in my usual
voice, Looks as if it would poison
yer, and I hope to goodness it will"
Well he just grinned and took the
slice and bergan to eat it and | set
down and pulled my mustache down
so as he wouldn't see my lips move
and commented. | sartinly did give it
to him hot and heavy, Maria had ter
cough half dozen times to keep from
larfin out. See i'm eat" I'd say,
We've got him this time. Every
mouthful is just as good as a deed to
two acres of that hop field. Have
some more? That's right. Wen kill
the def, old reptile this time. I can
see the melodeon in the parlor. Or
der the undertaken, Maria; this is the
best days work you ever done!"
When he had finished three wNoop-
in slices l says: Better have little
more you old alligator, we want to
kill you quick; don't want you hang
in along"
Then he sits up kinder slow and
deliberate, lays down his knife and
fork and says:
NO" he says ,"the old alligator
won't have any more; he's had
enough-of cake and other things.
But wouldn't order that melodeon
this afternoon if l was you, and
wouldn't rely on pickin them hops
this season" And out of the room
he walks, leavin me and Maria look
in like a couple of wax men.
HE can heart" says she after a
spell.
He's heard every word we've
said!" says l. Then we both looked at
each other and never said Boo for
as long as five minutes. Then we
heard Uncle Eph come stampin' down
stairs. He had his old plug hat on
and his cane in his hand, and he walk
ed out of the gate and down the road.
You must foller him." says Maria.
I grabbed my hat and ran after him,
but he got down to town first and
went into the telegraph office. When
he came out | went in and tried to
find out who he telegraphed to, but he
had left word with the clerk to tell
no one. so l got no satisfaction. Maria
was fairly dancin' when l got home.
He's upstairs in his ROOM she
saws. with the door locked and he's
THROWN things around like all pos
sessed. He's been def for years and
years and how, how, can he hear
now?"
At o'clock somebody drives up to
the gate; twas Siddie's old man in
his wagon. Uncle Eph comes hoppin'
right downstairs with his bag fillel
up.
"Oh, uncle dear" sobs Maria,
where be you goin'?"
THE def old reptile" says he, "is
goin' to find another burrow," and he
climbs into the wagon.
TINS is your doin's," says I, shakin'
my fist at Siddie's old man