Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1905-05-20
NEW SUICIDE THEORY

This Is the season Of strawberries and
suicide. Upon first thought 1t strikes one
as rather incongruors to mention the two
things together in one sentence and one
breath. The one calls up memories most
pleasant. while the other suggests associa-
lions repugnant. and yet there are those in
Washington who declare, and who produce
argument in support of their declaration,
that strawberries and suicide are closely
allied In the relations Of cause and effect.
In other words, the luscious, red berry that
has caused SO many delightful sensations to
millions of appetites and TO which apos-
trophies of rapture have been indited, is.
after all, only the pill of self-destruction-
Perish the suggestion.
There are several persons in Washington
who testify with more or less earnestness
that the eating of strawberries produces IN
them pronounced symptoms of dependency
and melancholia. After having filled up
their systems with strawberries. they de-
clare that they become depressed IN Spirits
and that the cares and burdens or the
world seem to be rolled down upon them In
food, making them brothers to the OK
and creating in them feeling OF utter dis-
regard DIS to whether the government con-
tinues to exist or not. They declare they
filed with an inclination TO let the
worst come without interposing a hand to
prevent it. and these feelings are attributed
to the effects of the beautiful and Innocent
looking strawberry.
Then again, these people who trace a
connection between strawberries ana SUI
eide, point to the statistics, which they
declare show that with tie placing OF
stra wberries on the mar.-et the number
of cases of self-destruction increases, reach
ing the maximum when the berry season Is
at it's height. An instance is also cited OF
a young man with apparently bright pros
poets and seemingly no cares besettns
him. who delighted his appetite with
large dish of Strawberries, and one hour
later went to his room. turned on the gas
and shuffied off his mortal coil.
What a rude shock would the universal
acceptance of the strawberry-sucde theory
give to the inner man. that, hgurativeiy
speaking shrieks with delight when, after
wading through various courses OF the din-
ner. he finally energies to behold at hand
the delectable dish of strawberries ana
cream m. which from behind the soup plate
a the beginning of the meal appeared araT
off like a pleasant dream to be reaiZed
possibly in the dim, distant future. Accord
ing to the advocates of the theory under
discussion, the plate before you, heaped
high with large, red. delicious berries edch
crowned with miniature mound of white
powdered sugar that mets into the delight
full fruit, and the whole entirely surrounded
with rich dairy cream, conceals some
strange influence potent to drive men and
women to end the unequal fight with the
world and its annoyances.
Picture the grim specter of Self-destruc-
ton lurking within the strawberry patch
and watching for chance to inoculate
each individual berry with the germs of
suicide. Consider the Strawberries in the
patch. how they grow; they toll not, neither
do they spin; yet theirs must be the busy
life. lodging hither and thither in the vain
effort to escape the dreadful microbe.
Joyless would be the result We're the gov
eminent scientists finally to decide that
the strawberry is amenable to the pure
food law and subject to a license.
w CT md 1ictr
ing cry of Strawberries Strawberries.
Nice Strawberries" be injected into the
fantastic and pleasant dreams of the Wash
ton resident along about g o'clock every
summer morning. when sleep is the sweet
est, but, under the circumstances, we'll nigh
impossible. Possibly. however, the Wash
tOnlan would consent after struggle to
dispense with the resonant cry of the early
morning strawberry huckster There might
be drastic laws enacted requiring that
Strawberries be sold only on the prescrip-
ton of a reputable physician, and stipu-
lating that each be labeled with the dread
ful skull and croSS-boneS indicating poison
The agitation might be carried so far that
kind and benevolent men and women would
organize "Ant-Strawberry Leagues" which
would permit the assembling of conven-
tons the making of long, ''talky" speeches,
and besides, create a few offices for those
who might have ambitions to appear in the
public lmelight.
Speculations as to the changes that might
result from the general acceptance of the
strawberry-suicide theory might go on
without limitation. But Notwithstanding
the effort to put the palatable product of
the patch in disrepute, the Washington citi-
zen doubtless will continue In the f1tura
as in the past, to provide for his table
strawberries and cream, Wberrv short
cake and other delightful dishes containing
the fruit, and give nary a thought to horrid
theories or suggestions.