The Glenwood post., 1905-12-02

MARSHALL P. Wilder. tidal wave ofhumol
from Maine to Call
fornia, had long, serious face and
would drawl along without giving the
slightest indication of what was com.
ing. When the joke was unloaded and
the audience got hold of it he would
look up with seemingly innocent won
der as to what people were laughing
at 1t was worth ten mile walk after
dark on corduroy road to hear him
say, Il once knew man in New Zea.
land who hadn't tooth In his head
here he would pause for some time
look reminiscent and continue - land
yet he could beat bass drum better
than any other man ever knew"
The Golden Ann"
Mark Twain is another famous hui
morist who can use serious counte-
nance and hesitating voice with won
derful effect in story. His tale of
1.-THE Golden Arm" was the best thing
Of Its kind I ever heard Here it is
as he gave 1t:
Once pom a time dey wuz mon
s'us mean man, en- he live way out
In de prairie all lone by himself. 'cept
he had wife. En- bmeby she died,
en- he took en- toted her way out da'
in de prairie en- buried her. Well, she
had golden arm. all solid gold f'om
de shoulder down. He WIZ pow'ful
mean-pow 'ful-cn' dat night he
couldn't sleep 'coze he wanted dat
golden arm so bad
when it come midnight he couldn't
stan 1t no mo-, so he got up. he did,
en- TUX his lantern en- showed out troo
de storm en- dug her up en- got de
| golden arm, en- he bent his head down
gin de wind en- plowed en- plowed
en- plowed troo de snow. Den all on
sudden he stop" make considerable
pause here and look startled and take
listening attitude) ZEN say: MY
Ian! What's dat? En- he listen en-
listen, en- de wind say" (set your teeth
together and initiate the waillng and
wheeling singsong OF the wind)
'Buzz-z-zzzv en- den way back yon-
der whah de grave Is he hear voice
| all mix up in de win'-can't hardly tell
'em part: Bzzz-zzz-w-h-o-g-o-t
golden armT (You must begin to
shiver violently now
EN- he begin to shiver en- shake en-
say: oh. my! Oh, my LAM En- de
win blow de lantern out. en- de snow
en- de sleet blow. in his face en- most
choke him. en- he start a-plowin' knee
deep toward home. mos dead he so
sk'yeerd, en- pooty soon he hear de
voice again, en-" pause) at us com.
In after him: 'Buzzzz-zzz-w-h-o -h-o-g-o-t
my s-o-ld-e-n-armT
Shell Fetch a Yelp.
when he git to de pasture he hear
1t agin-cbster. now. en- a-comin' back
dab In de dark en- de storm" repeat
the wind and the voice.. when he git
to de house he rush upstairs. en- 1ump
In de bed, en- kiver up head en- years,
en- lay dab a-shiverin' en- a-shakin'.
en- den way out dab he hear ii ag'in.
en- a-comin'! En- bimeby he hear"
(pause-awed; listening attitude) at
pat-pat-hit's a-comin' upstairs!
Den he hear de latch, en- he knows IFS
In de room.
Den pooty soon he knows its
standin' by de bedw Pause) Den he
knows it's abendin' down over him
en- he cain't sca'cely git his breaf!
Den-den he seem to feel somethin'
cold, right down neah agin his head,
Pause.)
Den de voice say, right at his year,
i Who got my golden armY"
You must wall 1t out plaintlvely and
accuslngly: then you stare steadily and
impressively into the face of the
farthest gone auditor-a girl, prefera-
bly-and let that awe inspiring pause
begin to build itself In the deep hush.
When 1t has reached exactly the right
length. jump suddenly toward that girl
and yell, F." You're got it,"
If yop have got the pause right, she'll
fetch dear little yelp and spring right
out Of her shoes But you must get the
pause right. and you will find it the
most troublesome and aggravating and
uncertain thing you ever undertook.
One on Depew.
Senator Chauncey NJ. Depew can tell
new story every day of the year and
add two or three by way of good meas
ure. He was billed to make speech,
and the editor of the local paper
called at his hotel to argue politics
with him. The editor quoted newspa-
per statements frequently to support
bis arguments, but Depew replied,
"Oh. you can't believe everything the
newspapers say"
After the speechmaking ended the
editor and Mr.. Depew met again in the
center Of q crowd ef usesners.