davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1905-06-10
Past the LawIess Aae.

Police Justice-You say you are a
college graduate and yet here 1 find
you charged with drunkenness, disor-
DERBY conduct, assault, melting riot
resisting an officer. A college grad
uate, indeed What have you to say?
Pr1soner-Nothing your honor-ex-
cept that I had forgotten that 1 wasn't
still in college.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1905-06-10
couldn,t Understand scotch.

"How old is that new scholar" ask
ed the principal.
Twelve years. he says" answered
the teacher.
YES, he's never been much away
from home and as his mother and
father are Scotch people he can't
understand their language. "-Yonkers
Statesman.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1905-06-10
Shields and EmbIems.

Now that every boy, and girl, too, is
wearing an emblem of some sort on
his collar or sleeve, it is interesting
to know the meaning of some of them.
They are mostly those used in the
United States army, and it will be a
good memory test to try and locate
just what the eagle or other emblem
on your new REFER indicates.
A general wears two silver stars,
with the arms of the United States
between.
A acknowledgement shows three
silver stars.
A major-general, two silver stars.
brigadier- general, one silver star.
A colonel. silver spread eagle.
A Northumberland, two silver
leaves.
A major, two gold leaves.
A captain, two silver bars at each
end.
A lieutenant, one silver bar at each
end.
A second lieutenant, plain straps
without any marks.
Hidden Trees.
l. The helmet of the soldier was
very bright
2 The cloak was drawn close around
her.
8. The lash of the whip hurt him.
4. Will owed him a great deal o.
money.
5. Give me pin, Ella.
6. The fire burned very brightly.
z There was a small arch over the
road.
g. Such awful looking things.
9. The baby was very plump.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1905-06-10
No probi. States for Him.

Brown of Augusta-'T hear you're
going to leave Maine for the west,
Jones. Going to Kansas"
Jones of Bangor-'Not on your 1ifei
I'm on the water wagon now, and the
only reason I'm leaving Maine is to
get out of prohibition state Do you
suppose l want to take any bigger
risks ?''-Cleveland Leader.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1905-06-10
A System Wanted.

There should be some system de-
vised whereby it would take as long
for a man to spend his money as it
does for him to accumulate it,
You speak bitterly"
q have good cause 1 work eleven
months in the year earning enough
money to satisfy the Florida hotel
keepers during the other month"
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1905-06-10
PoiiteueSS.

Belle-And did you tell him you
would call your mother if he attempt
ed to kiss you.
Beulah-Yes, I did, the first time.
1.-The first time! Gracious! Didn't
you every timer"
No; you see, I had to show him
some politeness, so 1 couldn't be talk
ing to mother all the time!"
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1905-06-10
The Cruelty of Strength.

Good morning. said the dairy
maid to the limburger, "how do you
feel today"
"Strong and robust replied the
cheese Il feel as if 1 could clean
out the place How do you feel?'
pretty weak and quite blue" re-
piled the milk.
You look it, said the cheese,
laughing, unfeelngly. 4 told you
there was nothing in this water-cure
business" - Cincinnati commercial
Tribune.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1905-06-10
Information Wanted.

Information Wanted.
Farmington-Ah, there's that old
poem about husking bees / always
did like that
Dumley-Husking bees? What do
you mean?
Farmington-Why, were you never
in the country during the season OF
husking bees
Dumley-No. How in the world do
you husk bee?
Later News.
"Jiggs and his wife have had
quarrel"
ooh, l heard about that a month
ago. They patched that quarrel up,
though, didn't they?"
apparently they patched it up so
that it actually became a new one last
night"
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1905-06-10
At Their Mercy.

Charley, DEAR said young Mrs
Torkins, Il see that the races are COM
ing
yes"
why don't you call on the book
makers beforehand and tell them what
a good customer you have always
been, and see if they won't let you off
a little cheaper this time?"
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1905-06-10
Foot In 1t Auain.

Mrs. Pneuma-"This is my baby,
Mr. Brakes; she is just weeks old
to-day"
Mr. Brakes-"Ah, yes, to be sure.
She-ah-she-is well, you know they
say homely babies always grow up to
be beauties, so you may be thankful
-or-er-that is-well, 1 mean to say,
how much she resembles her mother"
Cleveland Leader.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1905-06-10
Pretty Secure.

Pretty secure.
did Sambo leave his wife in pretty
comfortable circum stanceS?" asked
the man of his colored servant
ooh, yes, sab. She feels putty Sc
cure" replied the servant
What did Sambo leave her?'
-Four razors, sahi"
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1905-06-10
Good Cause for Admiration.

Gunning-We1l, I'm surprised
Titewodd-At what?
Gunning-To hear you speak so well
OF Skinner, when you've just been
complaining that he cheated you in a
bargain.
Titewodd-By George, sir, the man
who can cheat me has my admiration
and reSpecti
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1905-06-10

over all the boxes with more nails so
that they can't come apart with rough
handling You can also wrap the
boxes securely together with galvan-
lied wire or balling wire. Tar or
paint the whole outside of the four
boxes.
Place a seat across the boxes at G.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1905-06-10
A japanese Game.

A game popular with both grown
people and children in Japan is played
as follows:
are selected, each divided into two
parts, each part printed on separate
card. The host has the hundred first
halves, which he reads aloud; one by
one The hundred second halves are
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1905-06-10
The Popular Fad.

81 see that society DEGREES that
horseback riding shall be the popular
fad at the seaside this summer"
''This seems like juite an improve
ment over last years fad at Newport
''What was that?"
Divorce getting"
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1905-06-10
Wants to Get Even.

Churchill a man is going to be
struck by an automobile, what's the
difference whether the machine is 60
ing ten miles an hour or fifty?'
Gotham-''A good deal of difference
How is man who is knocked down
going to tell a chauffeur what he
thinks of him if he's going at fifty
miles an hour?"
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1905-06-10
Brinoino II Home 70 liz,

Bringing 1t Home to Him.
The congressman's son had been
misbehaving.
Jimmy Sniffkins," said the teach
er, sternly.
-Yes'm?"
What kind of a recess was that
constructive recess for which your
father recently voted himself mile
age?''
An imaginary recess, ma'am"
We'll, that's the kind you'll take for
the next two ks."-Philadelphia
Bulletin.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1905-06-10
Quite an Enjoyable Affair

Mamma-Did you have a good time
at Dorothy's party, Harold?
Harold should say 1 did-greati
Mamma-What little girls did YOU
dance with?
Harold-Aw, 1 didn't dance none.
But at supper 1 had two plates of ice
cream an got most of Jim Browns
when he wasn't lookin' An he hit
me an licked tn stufin out of him
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1905-06-10

two boards, A A. and further secured
by wire threaded through the boards
at B, Fig 4.
Now you have boat or canoe, as
shown in Fig. 4, but the only water
tight portions for the occupant are the
two boxes, A B.
The air in the empty oil cans will
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1905-06-10
Needed 1t in His Business.

Zones automobile ran away with
his wife and mother-in-law, an scared
'em so they have been speeches. ever
since!'
My. my, Do you think Jones could
be induced to sell that automobile?"
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1905-06-10

Then get four springy boards, H H,
in Fig. 8, and nail outside these boxes
Bring the ends to a point at each end,
as shown in Fig. f. The ends can be
further secured by railing sheet tin
across the points, as shown by X, in
Fig. 8. They can also sbe nailed to
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1905-06-10
A LAUGHING Likeness.

Lawyer-"How can we use this
flash light picture as evidence against
the accused. His eyes are shut tight -
Detective his mouth is open
so wide we can identify the filing in
one of his back teeth. '-Detroit Free
Press
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1905-06-10
Looks That Way.

Jenkins-Notice Critick says you
write over the heads of the people"
What does that mean?
Scribbles-It appears to mean that
he considers himself .'the people"
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1905-06-10
What Puzzles the Foreioner.

Il cannot understand re language
the foreign nobleman complained
Whats the matter, count?'
First you say re young man is a
raw youth
YES
zen you say he is half baked
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1905-06-10
A Sense of Proprietx.

A Sense of Propriety.
'@You wouldn't sell your vote, would
your
mo, suh,' answered Mr.. Erastus
Pinkley. But if a gemmen what's
runnin' fob Office was to give me two
dollahs, common gratitude would make
me vote fob him. ''-Washington Star
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1905-06-10

make the whole so buoyant that it
cannot sink. If more buoyancy is re-
quired, two or four more air-tight cans
can be secured in the spaces d d or
E E; or dry boxes can be put in there
to contain articles needed.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1905-06-10
On Occasions of Excitemer

All the worlds stage" said the
man who quotes.
eyes," said the friend who was read
ing newspaper; but now and then
it looks more like a prize ring"
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1905-06-10
Lessons in CREEPING.

Patience-How did she teach the
baby to creep?
Patrice-Oh, she held him up at the
window when her husband was trying
to get to the gate on the icy walk,
believe.-Yonkers Statesman
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1905-06-10
A Delusion.

Give a rapid, circular motion to this
picture, either to right or left, and the
wheels will seem to whirl rapidly in
the same direction as the motion.
A de1usion of your eye, of course;
but isn't it interesting?
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1905-06-10
Same Old Story.

Where's your New Year resolution
now?"
We'll, the blizzard came along
AN my left ear froze-
"An' my left leg was hit by the
rheumatism an"
"But-whatl you ake.''-Atlanta
Constitution
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1905-06-10
Discovered.

Sharper-Why do you suppose Bos-
ton is called the Hub?
Carper-Because it is the centre of
gravity?
Sharper-No. Because the rest of
the world goes around it
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1905-06-10

Friendship Proved Beyond Doubt.
Ranter-I thought this paper was
friedly to me-
Editor-So it is. What's the matter
now?
Ranter-I made a speech at the BAN
quet last night and you didn't print
line of it.
Editor-Wel1? What further proof
did you want of our friendship?
Overheard at the Breakfast Table.
81 see,' said Mrs. Jinks, as she laid
the morning paper down, that they
have located a wretch out west who
has four wives-and all of them liv
ingi"
Mr. links looked thoughtful. Then
he said, abruptly:
Molly, what lunatic asylum is he
IMP"
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1905-06-10
Reward for Good Conduct.

Bings-What do you think of this
Meredith idea of marriage for ten
years?
Bangs-Does a man get any com
mutation for, good conduct?-Life.
The Press., 1905-04-12
THIRTY YEARS AGO.
Items of local interest taken from the columns
OF The Press, thirty years ago.l
April ID, 1875.


Cornelius Flaherty has sold his
farm, just out of the village, on the
Square Pond road, to Alonzo Charter.
As soon as the season will admit
the Catholics will commence work up
on a $4,000 school house in the rear
of their church, and barn for the
priests residence.
Stafford Hollow. - The Messrs.
Fisk have succeeded Brown Bros. in
the mercantile business at the old
store.
Augustus Alden has taken back the
place sold by him some six years ago
to Andrew Campbell, southwest from
the Hollow, and will erect thereon a
new house.
North Coventry. The snow storm
of Tuesday and Tuesday night was
very severe. 1t is greatly drifted.
The mail stage halted for the night
at the post office, and did not attempt
to go Oh to Ashford.
| The April term of the superior
court, Beardsley judge, began Oh Tues
day. The following jurors are in at
tendance: Tolland, William CLARK,
Levi l.. Andrews; Andover, William
B. LOOMS; Bolton, Henry @. Carver !;
Columbia, Charles Potter; Coventry,
Austin Brigham, Dwight Weber !;
Hebron, Frederick R. Post, Arthur
Turner; Ellington, Arthur A. Hyde,
Ira H. Lewis; Mansfield, Jefferson
Durham, Andrew Brown; Somers,
John S. Field, V. S. Kibbe; Vernon,
Hudson Kellogg, Charles O. Black
man, Ralph Barber; Stafford. Milton
Leonard, George Patten; Union, Jo-
siah r. James.
Born In Stafford, 18th, a sou to
E. W. Brooks.
In Stafford Springs, 10th, son to
Lyman H. Blair; 18th, a son to John
Lilley.
Married. In Union, 18th, by Rev
J. P. Watson, Francis L. Uphan and
Ella A. Colburn, both of Union.
The Press., 1905-04-12
SUFFERING.

Vegetable Compound sooner; for have tried
80 many remedies without help.
'sI dreaded the approach of my menstrual
period every month, as itmeant so much pain
and suffering for me, but after had used the
Compound two months became regular and
natural and am now perfectly we'll and free
from pain atmy monthly periods. am very
grateful for what Lydia E. Pinkham's Vege-
table Compound has done for me-"
Such testimony should be accepted
by all women as convincing evidence
that Lydia E. Pinkham's Vegetable
Compound stands without peer as a
remedy for all the distressing ills of
women.
The success of Lydia E. Pinkhams
Vegetable Compound rests upon the
well-earned gratitude of American
women.
When women are troubled with irreg
ular, suppressed or painful menstrual
ton, leucorrhea, displacement or ul
ceration of the womb, that bearing
down feeling. Inflammation of the
ovaries, backache. bloating, Tor flatu-
lency), general debility, indigestion and
nervous prostration, or are beset with
such symptoms as dizziness, faintness,
lassitude, excitability, irritability, ner-
vousness, sleeplessness, melancholy,
they should remember there is one tried
and true remedy, Lydia E. Pinkham's
Vegetable Compound at once removes
such troubles. Refuse to buy any other
medicine, for you need the best.
Don't hesitate to write to Mrs.
Pinkham if there is anything
about your sickness you do not
understand. She will treat you
with kindness and her advice is
iree. No woman ever regretted
writing her and she has helped
thousands. Address Lynn, Mass.
an Best Understands a WOman'S Ills.
The Press., 1905-04-12
THE INTERNAL REGIONS.
How They Are Depicted In Buddhism
and ISlamism.

How They Are Depicted In Buddhism
and Islam1sm.
The Internal regions of Buddhism
are horrible. They comprise a great
hell and 1876 lesser bells. In these
the Buddhist temples, men are ground
to powder and their dust turned into
ants and fleas and spiders. They are
Destled in a mortar. The hungry eat
redhot iron balls. The thirsty drink
molten iron.
Islamism says of the Internal re-
gions: '"They who believe not shall
have garments of fire fitted for them.
Boiling water shall be poured on their
heads and on their skins, and they
shall be beaten with maces Of iron"
In the Scandinavian mythology, the
mythology Of Odin and Thor, we are
told that Gin Nastrond there is a vast
and direful structure, with doors that
face the north. 1t is formed entirely
Of the backs of serpents, waited to-
gether like wickerwork. But the ser
pents' heads are turned toward the in
side of the hall, and they continually
send forth floods Of venom, in which
wade all those who commit murder or
forswear themselves
In the past Christian clergymen
loved to describe hell. The present
tendency, however, is to avoid discus
sion Of this place-to dwell upon the
gentler and more lovely side Of Chris
tianity.-EXchange.
The Press., 1905-04-12
NapOleOn's Outrlder.

Wernet, Napoleon's outrider, once
saved his emperor's life. 1t was after
the abdication of Fontainebleau and
when Wernet drove Napoleon away
from the palace that he received from
a peasant information of a plot to fire
ON the coach as it passed through the
forest. The Outrider, representing that
there was an obstruction on the road,
persuaded the emperor to leave the
coach and ride around in another direc-
ton, while he brought the carriage as
best he could to meet him. This was
done, and Wernet encountered furious
fusillade, which, however, left him un-
scathed, as it was directed not at the
box, but at the interior of the empty
vehicle Wernet lived to be outrider to
Louis Philippe Westminster Gazette.
The Press., 1905-04-12

vestibule. Suddenly it seemed to her
as if a sharp, redhot iron had been
thrust into her finger tip and run up to
her shoulder She tried to draw away
her hand as a child does from hot
stove, but something held it tight, and
then she awoke to the truth. The train
had been swinging around curve, and
the iron plaits, or folds, of the vesti-
bule, left uncovered by a careless en-
ployee, had opened just far enough to
admit her finger and then had closed
upon it again. She was held as in a
wise, and her calls for assistance could
not be heard above the roar of the
train. And so it happened that the
Hateful young man. came upon her,
white Tipped and fainting. When they
had pried the hand loose he carried her
unconscious figure into the vacant
drawing room. The conductor came
hurrying up, greatly perturbed over the
accident, which meant a damage suit
for the company. He turned to the
porter.
Hustle through the train and find
out whether there is a physician on
board"
The young man spoke sharply. 81
am a physician. Porter, bring me that
long, narrow black bag from my
BERTH"
And so it happened when Amy woke
up it was to find the hateful young
man deftly bandaging her injured
hand. The drawing room was placed
of Il NV hn
or, and the entire train force was on
it's knees before her. The uncovered
vestibule mOInt that some employees
head would fall into the basket.
Toward noon, in spite of the terrific
pain in her crushed finger, Amy com
menced to feel drowsy, thanks to the
mild narcotic which DR.. Mexican had
administered. He pumped up the pill
lows for her, and she murmured drow-
silly, II didn't sleep very we'll last
night"
you wouldn't. That was the worst
part of my having to put Mr.. Carter
in the berth with you. but 1 couldn't
get him another lower in the car, and
he stubbornly refused to buy up
drawing ROOM"
Amy felt suddenly wide awake. Mr..
Carter, why didn't you
Lord, no. You didn't think l was
raising the roof of my berth, did you?
Mr.. Carter has been at a sanitarium
just east of Harrisburg. He is a pa
tient of my fathers, and his people
asked me to pick him up and bring
him on to Colorado Springs, where I
am visiting for a week or so. That's
what 1 was trying to tell you last
night"
A sudden light dawned on Amy. "Oh,
it's ali the fault of that newsboy! l
am going to the Carriers myself. They're
giving a house party"
Eyes, 1 know" said Mexican. 81
saw your name on your luggage But
now you're going to sleep, and if you
don't mind 1 shall sit here beside you
and see you are not rocked off when
we make fast run.
Amy dropped back weakly among
the pillows. mo, don't mind. 1 will
be only too glad to have-you-stay."
Suddenly she raised her heavy eyelids.
"But promise me you will never tell
what said to the porter last night"
DR.. McKean's eyes twinkled. 81
promise on my honor"
The Press., 1905-04-12
STORY OF CAL-CURA,
Discovered by Dr.. David kennedy-0nly
Kidney Remedy Sold Under Guarantee.


Dr.. David Kennedy was born in New York
City, but at an early age his family moved
toRoxbury, NY. He was graduated in 1860
from the New York College of Physicians
and Surgeons. He at once volunteered as
q surgeon and was assigned to the United
States Army General Hospital in West Phil
Rdelphia, and soon became President of the
Examining Board and Consulting Surgeon.
After the war, DIR. Kennedy settled in Ron
dout, City of Kingston, n. Y, where for q
number of years he enjoyed large prac-
tiee as an operative surgeon. He was one
of the Presidential Electors of New York
State, Mayor of Kingston for four years,
and held many other professional business
and political offices.
The latest achievement of his life was the
discovery of Cal-cura Solvent, positive
cure for all diseases of tine kidneys and blad-
der. mspeaking of this remarkable remedy,
he said: "Cal-eura Solvent is the browning
achievement of my life. 1t will not dis
appoint"
Your druggist will return your money if
Csl-eura fails to cure, and The Cal-curs
Company, of Rondout, N Y, will pay the
druggist. Cal-cura Solvent cures $50 of
all cases of Kidney, Bladder and Liver dis
orders S1.00 q bottle Only one size.
The Press., 1905-04-12

While no woman is entirely free from
periodical suffering. it does not seem to
be the plan of nature that women
should suffer so severely. Menstrual
ton is a severe strain on a woman S
vitality. If it is painful or irregular
something is wrong which should be
set right or it will lead to a serious de-
rangement of the whole female organ
ism.
More than fifty thousand women
have testified in grateful letters to Mrs.
Pinkham that Lydia E. Pinkham's
Vegetable Compound overcomes pain
full and irregular menstruation.
1t provides q safe and sure way of es-
cape from distressing and dangerous
weaknesses and diseases.
The two following letters tell so con-
vincingly what Lydia E. Pinkham's
Vegetable Compound will do for
women, they cannot fail to bring hope
to thousands of sufferers.
Miss Nellie Holmes of $40 N. Davi-
sion Street, Buffalo, N. Y, writes:
Dear Mrs. Pinkham:-
for women. l suffered misery for years with
painful periods, headaches, and bearing down
pains. I consulted two different physicians
but failed to get any relief A friend from
the East advised me to try Lydia E. Pink
hams Vegetable Compound. did so, and
no longer suffer as did before. My periods
are natural; every ache and pain is gone, and
my general health is much improved.
advise all women who suffer to take Lydia
E. Pinkham's Vegetable Compound"
Mrs. Tillie Hart, of Larimore, N. D.,
writes:
Dear Mrs. Pinkham:-
az might have have been spared many
months of suffering and pain had 1 only
known Of the efficacy of Lydia E. Pinkham's
Ask Mrs, Pinkham'S AdYice-A Won
The Press., 1905-04-12
Beware of Ointments for Ca.
tarrh that Contain Mercury,

AS mercury will surely destroy the sense OF smell
adm completely derange the whole system when
entering it through the mucous surfaces. such
articles should never be used except on prescr1p-
lions ON reputable physicians as the damage
they will do is ten fold to the good you can pos
manufactured by F. j. Cheney & Co., Toledo, O.,
contains no mercury, and is taken internally,
acting directly upon the blood and mucous sur
Cure be sure you get the genuine. 1t is taken
internally, and is made in Toledo, Ohio, by r. J..
Cheney & Co. Testimonials free.
Sold by Druggists. Price, 75c per bottle.
Take Hairs Family Pills for constipation.