Iowa state bystander. [volume] (Des Moines, Iowa) 1894-1916, 1905-03-24
sroRlETTES.

A short tempered English sergeant
was conducting firing squad which
missed the target in the most unani'
nous manner at 600 yards. They re-
peated this manouvre at 800, and with
equal success at 200. We've got to
do it." the sergeant spluttered at last,
setting his teeth; Elk bayonets-weIl
| charge it."
r. ]. Wynne, the Postmaster-Gener-
al, tells story about small boy
who was invited to a party given by
one of his little friends. After he
aad eaten ice cream and cake three
times, somebody offered him some
sandy, but the little chap shook his
head, and said in a sorrowful tone:
II can chew, but can't swallow"
Some years ago Phillips Brooks was
recovering from an illness, and was
denying himself to all vist TORS, when
Robert Ingersoll called. The bishop
received him at once. Il appreciate
this very much," said Mr.. 1ngersoll,
but why do you see me when you
deny yourself to your friends?" ut
is this way" said the bishop; II feel
confident of seeing my friends in the
next world, but this may be my last
chance of seeing YOU"
Mrs. L. z. Letter, when she is In
Paris, spends a good deal of time in
he shops of the jewelers. and dealers
in antiques and objects of art On
rather dull afternoon Mrs. Letter WIS.,
tied an art shop in the Rue de la Paix.
She looked at bronzes, jewels, draw
ings, and other things, and finally,
pointing toward a dusty corner, she
said to the polite young salesman:
How much is that Japanese idol
over there WORTH" The salesman
BOWED, and answered: about $780,
900 francs, madam. 1t is the pro-
prietor."
Speaker Cannon writes a very bad
hand. Not long ago he sent note to
Representative Cushman, of Washing
ton. Cushman could make nothing of
it. So he took it to a colleague, who
managed to decipher two or three
words. Another congressman was WIS.,
tied, with the same result, but the
joint labor of half dozen Of them
was necessary to even an incomplete
translation, for the last three words
vad to be given up as undecipherable.
So Cushman took the not to Cannon,
and asked him what the battling
phrase was. Cannon glanced at it,
md said: THAT is Personal and Con.
idential.'"
Professor Brieger, of the Berlin
medical institute, was busily at work
in his laboratory surrounded by for
midable array of chemical and bac.
THEOLOGICAL utensils. A distinguished
foreign physician called upon him, and
watched his absorbing labor with in
terest. The professors attention
seemed to be anxiously, but still hope
fully, concentrated on vessel which
was enveloped in spoke and steam.
Guess what l am boiling here in
this pot" said the professor. The
'isitor began to enumerate the entire
Gale of heterogeneous. Micro
cocci?" "No." "Sonococci?" mo"
"Spirochaete?" mo" What them"
"Sausages," replied Brieger.
A traveller tells that, having chang
! ed cars at a small North Carolina
town, he looked out of the car win.
dow and saw an old colored woman
peddling hot fried chicken. He bought
and ate some. and found it so good
that he leaned out the window and
asked the peddler where she got it.
Slowly and solemnly the tray was lift
ed from her head and deposited upon
the platform Then looking up she
said: 'ySay, boss, youse from de
Norf amt your" Eyes, Auntie," he
said; "but what has that got to do
with the chickea?" "WeN. boss"
she said; Il knowed you was from de
MORT, else you would never ask a cul-
lud pusson where dey get chicken"
DR.. William Osler. whose old-age
theory has created such stir, said
once in lecture that all prescriptions
and medical directions should be
written very plainly, and in way that
admitted of no doubtful interpreta.
ton. AS an illustration, he related a
story of physician who told a pa.
tient that he must drink hot water an
hour before breakfast, and, so that the
directions would not be forgotten,
gave the man slip of paper with
them written on it: Drink hot water
an hour before breakfast" The pa
tient returned in week, and reported
that he was worse than before. did
you follow my directions, and drink
hot water an hour before breakfast"
asked the doctor II tried to, was
the doleful reply. 'tbut couldn't keep