Perth Amboy evening news., 1905-10-03

duction of the human voice."
{" don't suppose you would have
known who was singing if the record
had not been labeled 'Caruso.'"
81 should have known his voice al
once-it was perfect"
1T wouldn't be a bad idea to use one
in the law courts"
81 would certainly take my oath on its
evidence"
"Ha, hal" said Joseph.
"Well, what do you say?"
Il say it is rather expensive"
well, l can't buy anything for 80
shillings. That Is always the way-you
pin me down to SO much and then expect
me to make a good show"
Il never pinned you down to 80 shil-
lings."
How much, then? TWENTY"
"a little more than that, / think"
well, you've jibed at the gramo-
phone"
But a gramophone-to be any good
costs anything from 9S to 3S0-unless
you get n secondhand"
How dare you suggest l should give
a member of my family a secondhand
PRESENT."
81 didn't"
Don't add insult to Injury, Joseph
Virtue"
"Insult?"
Yes, and call me a liar-anything is
better than innuendo."
"Innuendo?"
"If | economize on your tobacco or the
household butter you say an mean; if
try to give a handsome present in your
name I'm a s%pendthrift, and when /
deny | am either you call me a liar"
"My dear, l never called you a liar or
a spendthrift or mean in my life."
''Yes you did-just now"
"When-how?"
ooh, not in so many words, but you
said it and | shall never get over it,"
What a pity we haven't a gramo-
phone ourselves; it would settle all our
'quarrels."
81 wish we had. 1t would show you
up"
Virtue sprang from his chair, plunged
his hand into the greenery and made a
movement like turning on a tap. A
wheezy whirr struck upon Mrs. Virtues
ear and the next moment a nasal voice
began: IF you're going to tie me down
to 30's it's no use thinking about jewelry
or plate, is it? Whatdo you want to give?
Well, now, can't you suggest something?
1t ought to be something out of the way,
oughtn't it? A set of cut glass or silver
hair brushes or" Whir-r-r.
what is that?" cried Mrs. Virtue.
sternly.
"Your beloved gramophone, my
darling" answered Joseph, maliciously.
you see how l endeavor to forestall
your slightest wish"
"Of all the beastly inventions!"
screamed Mrs. Virtue.
mot at all" whirred the machine. 81
heard one the other day at Jacks. 1t was
delightful" Whir-r-r.
your own words, my love-"
"Do you imply this is a reproduction
of my volce?"
Il do"
Whir-r-r. II repeat, the gramophone
is a most marvellous and pleasing repro.
duction of the human voice. !"
Whir-r-r.
There you are, my dear"
Whir-r-r. 1T wouldn't be a bad idea
to use one in the law courts. | would
certainly take my oath on its evidence.
Ha, hal" Whir-r-r.
This is some trick, some impudent
trick" shrieked Mrs. Virtue above the
horrid din of the machine, but it went
mercilessly on: Whir-r-r. "a gramo-
phone costs anything from eS to ESQ,
unless you get n secondhand
Whir-r-r. How dare you suggest |
should give a member of my family o
secondhand wedding present. l didn't"
Whir-r-r.
you see? You invited me to call you
a liar, | didn't call you one"
Joseph Virtue! will you stop that
NEUTRALITY-SUSPICIOUS. ma.
chine or l shall die" yelled Mrs. Virtue
But her tormentor wheezed on.
Whir-r-r. What a pity we haven't n
gramophone ourselves; it would settle
all Il quarrels. l wish we had. II
would show you up" Whir-r-r-r-r.
The thing stopped at last and the ST.
lence was broken by hysterical sobs.
You're the cruellest husband any
woman ever had. shall get a divorce
Remember, the gramophone will be
called into court as evidence"
Then l will take poison and die"
Don't. Let us rather agree to cease
quarreling."
But the g-gramophone?"
Let's give it away"
ITO G-Gladys?"
at isn't secondhand, you know.
Shall we?"
Yes"
And they did.
OF every hundred English women,
seven are widows; among men only
four in one hundred are widowers.