Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1905-05-26


so remarkable. She's got lantern
jaw.-Philadelph1a Ledger.
First Society Woman-That's my
baby that we just passed. Second So
ciety Woman-How could you tell!
First Society Weman-I recognized
the nurse.-Brooklyn Eagle.
Teacher-How many command
rnents are there Temmy-Not any.
Teacher-wAy, Tommy! There are
ten. TsRHy-Aw, dem was all broke
long ags.-Cievelala Leader.
"Smsothleigh is certainly the polit-
est man l know. what makes you so
positiveY Hes pretending he's cured
of. his dyspepsia SO as not to hurt his
doctors feelings. Topics.
well, Doctors Brown and Smith are
going to operate upon old Gotrox." "Is
the operation necessary ~ why, yes;
Brown has a note coming due, and
Smith wants an automobile. Puck.
"Harold~ began his wife in furi-
GUS temper, "my mind is made up
Mercy interrupted her husband; sis
that SO? had hoped that your mind,
at least, was your ownp'-Detroit Free
Press.
Friend-You must enjoy your new
position. So much honor, dignity and
lprestge! University President-Yes;
but I won't get so much money as the
head coach of the football team
Somerville Journal.
Can you support my daughter In
the style to which she has been accus-
toned" perhaps not. But I can
support her in the style to which her
| mother was accustomed during her
. early married life"-Life.
Jaspar-I think l have reason t.
: believe that last poem of mine is 8
classic. Jumpuppe-Why so? Jasper
L find that all my friends have either
seen it or heard of it, but none Of
them has read it.-EXchange.
The Preacher-I was surprised Il
see your husband get up and walk ou
OF church while was preaching. Tht
Wife-Oh, don't think anything Of
that! You know he's troubled will
somnambulism!- Statesman
ST see, Josiah, that somebody ha
found out that college life decreases
the desire Of girls to marry" ''I'll be
the trouble isA Nancy, that it decreases
the desire of the young fellows Il
marry 'em."-Cleveland Plain Dealer
Are you going to entertain thi
winter? well" answered Mr. Cum
rox, mother and the girls will have
lot of people at the house, as usual
But l never can tell whether they ar
being entertained or bored."- ."-Ez
change.
Modern Mother-Why, child alive
what are you taking off that dolly
clothes for? Modern Child-I'm goin
to Famine her to see il she's beel
vaccinated. l can't have 'er spreadir
'tagion among my other dollies.-Bal
timore' American.
Judge-You are charged with beat
Ing your wife every morning befor
breakfast. What have you to ssy 70
yourself? Prisoner-Well, you Sc,
Judge, that's my best time, as l hav
to run for a car as soon as breakfas
Is over"-Exchange
I 81 half believe that there's a skelt
ton in the Kissmore's closet" 9
shouldn't wonder. One day whe
Kissmore took me home with him vi
e expectedly to dinner, thought l hear
it throwing things at him out in th
, kitchen Exchange.
Squire's Daughter Ito gardener
,r wife, who suffers from chronic rhe1
it matism)-Have you ever tried Swe,
t, ish massage, Mrs. Brown? Mrs. Brow
d II have heard say it be very goo
le for the rheumaties, miss; but we don
grow it in these parts.-Punch.
IS Customer-How is it that the prit
- of a peck of potatoes remains twent
" - cents SO far in the season2 I'd thin
t. the price would become larger as tt
season advanced. Grocer-It woul
e. madam, only it's SO much easier
I change the size of the pecks-Balt
l. more American.
Examining Physician Cfor insuran,
= company)-I'm afraid we can't tai
70 you, SIR You, are too great a ris
20 Applicant resiguedly)-Wen, perhal
~ am. The fact is, that when l 3
sick never send for doctor. ju
: hay around until l get well. Exami
n ing Physician-Eh? Um-we'll tai
you.-New York Weekly.
Mrs. Hawkins-And ave you ma,
all the arrangements for your ms
=, riage, my dear? Mrs. Jorkins-We
= not quite all. I've got to buy n
!. trooso, and take a 'ouse, and get Il
'usband job, and buy i'm go'
suit o. clothes, and get some regl
wa shin WORK RI do An, fhou Pm