davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Washington times., 1905-09-17
A Biblical Question.
By ]. II. WILSON MARRIOTT, STRAIT
ford Hotel


The late Phillips Brooks, of Boston,
used TO take great pleasure in relating
an experience with q drunken man. Late
ono evening, whilst passing along a dark
street, he saw a man endeavoring 10
step upon the pavement from the street.
He was so intoxicated that he found
great difficulty in so doing Calling 10
DIR. Brooks, ne said: Say. stranger.
help fellow up. won't you?" Certain
ly. my good man." replied the bishop,
and after he had landed him securely,
he started 10 go on. Hold on. strang-
er," said the fellow, you've been very
kind to me. won't you tell me which is
the other side of the street" why
that is the other side" said DR.. Brooks,
pointing across the way. well. that's
queer, for when ] was on that side they
told me this was the other side" He
again started to leave his intoxicated
friend, when once more becoming a lit
tie moro friendly, he said: Say, strang-
or, tell us your name, won't you" .'Oh,
that don't matter replied the bishop
His friend was not TO be put off so
easily. and insisted upon knowing his
name We'll" said the bishop, "call me
Paul" and again started TO pass on
Hold on said the man, do you mean
Paul the Apostle?" The bishop was very
much amused, and being DESTROYS of
ending the conversation. said: We'll. let
it go at that" His intoxicated friend
suddenly seemed to have recognized an
old acquaintance. and became very con-
fidential. and drawing up close to the
bishop, inquired very earnestly: Say
Paul, did you ever get an answer to that
long letter you wrote TO the Ephesians %
The Washington times., 1905-09-17
Conditions of the Offer.

publication
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The Washington times., 1905-09-17
Romans Made a Hit.
~ FRANK DEP1oE, e35 South Caro-
linaAveuue Southeast.
(Awardcd prize OF $.

sAwardcd prize OF So
In the early seventies ] was a super
numerery' at the old National Theater.
and trained under Robert Downing. who
was at that time captain of the .'supes-"
John Mccullough was scheduled for one
week, and his play called for Il Roman
army Downing's instructions were TO
secure ten men six feet tall and pro-
portionately built He fell down on his
assignment in one respect-his ten men
were of the requisite height. but just
about as fat as lightning rods. They
were about as broad across the chest as
a Keat is across the forehead They
looked like anything but Romans. and
a hungrier looking gang was never be-
fore assembled
Nevertheless, the Noble Romans"
showed up in grand style on the open
ing night. and the genial Robert con-
Quoted them to the dressing room,
where they went through an elaborate
process of padding" After this cere-
mony they were conducted to their APP
pointed positions in the wings. They
were made up early in the evening, and
as the time for their entrance was long
in coming they. naturally enough, got
tired and lounged around on props
that happened to be handy. The result
was the utter displacement of all the
pads The calf pads were twisted
around in front OF their legs. and some
of the shoulders were showed half way
down their backs. However, Ley were
not noticed. and when their cue was
given they marched on the stage.
The stage was dark as they came on.
NcCulloush was standing facing the au-
dience. AS the army defiled to the CEN
ter OF the stage all the lights were sud-
denly turned on The eminent tragedIan
turned to speak his lines. when. for the
first time. lie got a good view of the
army" For few moments he stood
in absolute silence. Utterly dumfouuded
ed When he spoke # was the correct
lines oe the play that he delivered. but
his feeling emphasis rang absolutely
true The pause naturally riveted the
audiences attention They saw the
army" but restrained their emotion
10 hear what Mccullough would say
With that stentorian voice we all loved
10 well. he roared:
''Ye gods, These Romans do amaze
me muchi''
That was enough for the audience.
The four walls OF the National Theater
never echoed such applause before, and
probably never will again. The Roman
soldiers made a hit
The Washington times., 1905-09-17
A Good Guesser.
BY cAssIus H. GRIFFITH, 1885 z
street Northwest.

group of young men and girls were
standing on the station platform of a
small country town waiting for the
train to carry them back to the city,
for their vacation was over and they
were leaving the country. They all seem
ed 10 be in good spirits as they were
buzzing away at each other like bees.
Suddenly one of them called attention
to a very shahbily dressed tramp coming
down the railroad track and they imme-
The Washington times., 1905-09-17
Knew the Foot Drill.


General Merritt, Z. S. A. while in
spector general of the Department of
the Missouri, related the following ex-
perience of his orderly while he was in
speeding one of the frontier posts:
My orderly was approached by one
or the alleged ex-soldier takers. whose
object was 10 secure any favor possible
from a chew Of tobacco TO the loan OF
a few dollars. He began in the usual
way. saying: Hello, Brother; used to
be soldier myself; served with Com
pany =, of the Tenth, in New Mexico;
but ne had not gone far in his speech
when my orderly interrupted him by
saying, That so? We'll, then, l guess
you know the foot drills all right?' Ger
tainly do smilingly replied the alleged
had beeN.' and all the other drills
Good. said my orderly, about face,
forward MARCH -
The Washington times., 1905-09-17
An Answer to Prayer.
BY J. Il. WILSON MARRIOTT, STRAIT
ford Hotel.

The following story is told of an. old
negro preacher in Virginia. 1t has
been credited to old John Jasper. of
THE Sun Do Move" fame. but It Is
worth repeating:
The old preacher was discoursing upon
the subject OF Prayer" In the course
Of his sermon, among other reasons he
gave why their prayers were not al
ways answered. he said: Il tell you,
brethren, the reason your prayers are
not always answered is because you do
not pray Alright. Now. I'll give you my ex-
perience, which viii explain 10 you some
The Washington times., 1905-09-17

of the reasons. On a neighboring
farm there was a fine brood Of
chickens, and amongst them was
one fine white hen. l wanted that
hen very badly, and 1 prayed the Lord
10 send me that hen But the hen did
not come. Then / prayed again and
again for that hen 10 come, but she did
not come. Then it occurred to me that
maybe / was not praying in the right
way. and so l prayed again, but this
time ! prayed the Lord TO send me 20
that white hen. and brethren. 1 wefst
and my prayers was answered"
The Washington times., 1905-09-17

diately began to make sport of him.
When he had come opposite them,
trampinS along with monotonous gait.
one Of the young fellows, flashily dress
ed, who wished to make himself con-
spicUous. yelled out: Hello, Pat, where
yOu going"
Turing slowly around the grizzled fell
low. evidently an Irishman. looked the
young man over. and said: How did
ye know me name wuz Pat7"
oh" replied the young man, II just
guessed it
We'll" said the Irishman. you guess
so dom we'll. joost guess where I'm go
in
The Washington times., 1905-09-17

soldiers. They were donating very lib
orally. When anyone dropped anything
In the basket he would say. Thank
you. comrade: thank you
He came to where a man was reading
a paper. The man just ran his hand
in his pocket. pulled out ive-dollar
bill. and dropped IL In the basket.
Thank you. comrade." said the old SOL
der. take out your change.
Keep it, remarked the generous one.
what regiment do you belong to-"
None"
why are you SO liberal. then?"
because replied the donor. you
are the first Yankee l ever saw that
was trimmed up just TO suit me. and
when I see one 7 am willing 10 pay
for it."
The Washington times., 1905-09-17
A Sufficient Hint.
By II z. BROWN, 7o4 King Street,
Alexandria, Va.
~


DR. C. had in his employ an ebony
handmaiden who was accustomed 10
entertain her friends in the kitchen Of
an evening Among the admirers OF
the fair Lucinda was a youth who pro-
longed his visits beyond all reasonable
limits. One night after exhausting
every tonic of conversation in his en-
tertainment. Lucinda essaysd TO CAPE
but through some EliscalcuIation as TO
the size of this acknowledgment of
WEAKNESS she dislocated her Jaw The
situation was critical.
The doctor was called from above and
socn had the jaw In working order
again The first use that Lucinda made
of ii was TO exeIaim wrathfulIy to the
young man who stood efficiently in the
background: "Yo' cl'ar out. yo' brack
trash, An de mex time yo' goes
a-callin' an stays till de lady gapes
and suffloeates her jaw, yo' take it as
a hint dat it's tit,e 10 be -agoin-
The Washington times., 1905-09-17

he can give you a pass to any part
OF the United States. in fact, to any
part or the world. Besides, he's Il very
prudent man. for he never travels with
out his counsel
The archbishop expressed his great
pleasure and thanks for the introduce
ton.
And now .archbishop." said Mr.. Mac
Veagh. would you not reciprocate by
granting the president n pass TO
heaven?''
Il should be very pleased to do So"
said the archbishop. with merry
twinkle. were it not that I'd be 10th
10 separate him from his counsel"
The Washington times., 1905-09-17
Rough on Trousers.
By ]. II. WILSON MARRIOTT, Hotel
Stratfcrd.

An old colored preacher in the South
had been called TO take charge of the
largest congregation in that neighbor-
hood. After preaching his first sermon.
and coming down to greet the brethren.
his chief deacon asked him how he liked
the congregation He replied that he
thought they were a very scrubby look
ing set OF niggers. The deacon stood
aghast- Why" he said, .Brudde-
Johnson. these niggers have got more
religion than any church for miles
around. They are always having camp
meetings and singing and praying
Yes. Brudder Jones. / sees they have;
they have worn the seats of their
breeches out backsliding. and their
knees out praying for forgiveness
The Washington times., 1905-09-17
The Reason Why
BY G. A. MAmENS, 1874 Street
Northwest.
tAwarded prize of SD

Judge Henry NfcGinn, State senator
in Portland, Ore, tells this story:
Two days after the last election, when
the returns showed very close race
between McGinn and DIR. Harry Lane.
two Irlshmen met. One asked the
other:
How is it. Mike. that in so many
votes it should be neck and neck
atween Hinnery and Doc Lance"
We'll, III tell We" was the answer.
They're both very onpopiller min. an
IL We knowed wan ye'd be certain to
vote for the other. and both av thin
are id well known"
The Washington times., 1905-09-17
Profitable Marriages.
BY KATHERxNE sHEIBY ropp.
shelbyvi,le, Ken.

When Coils p Huntington was mar.
ried for the second time. Henry Ward
Beecher performed the marriage cere-
mony. Huntington's first wife had beer
dead less than year and ne desired
the second marriage kept a secret until
his return from Europe. He gave Mr.
Beecher marriage fee OF $3.50.
When Huntington returned. some
months later, he went through a public
ceremony and Beecher again officiated
and received another fee of $500. Tn.
great preacher had his humor aroused
by this second fee Turning to Hunt
ington.. he said: Coils, do wish yor
were q Mormon
The Washington times., 1905-09-17
Strange, But True.
BY FLORA c. sCEULDT, SIT Fourth
Street Southeast

Two local musicians on the street cor
ner were involved in a hot debate re-
Sarding the correct playing of a certain
new composition. AS the arguments
waxed warmer and warmer. they be-
came very much excited, as musicians
are apt to become The Paderewsksan
disciple ran his long taper fingers
through his oceans OF hair and thought
in vain for something to say TO keep
up his side of the argument.
But the true follower of Ysaye. with
The Washington times., 1905-09-17
Just Suited Him.
BY MES. DELLA z. HUGHES, 1915
Fourth Street Northwest
awarded prize OF SD

Ny uncle while travelling through the
State of Missouri a few years ago stop
ped AT 2 place where the old soldiers
were holding a reunion. There was a
crippled soldier in the crowd; some
grapeshot had hit him in the face and
knocked all of one side Off He had lost
one leg ard both arms. He had hook
on one side and a basket hung on it,
and Was passing it around amons The
The Washington times., 1905-09-17

Il sweeping gesture of the arms as il
bcwing y chord on his favorite instru-
ment. dramatically exclaimed:
Look ut the score, L tell You. look
at the score
NO use of dat. gents, said a little
negro urchin who had passed and heard
the last sentence. 1t certainly am de
truth. de score am 10 in favor of
WaShin.ton"
The Washington times., 1905-09-17
Another on Sage.
sy MARCIA P. WHITE, 1866 Kenyon
Street Northwest.

\ late story of Russell Sage. tells
how committee of society women
waited upon him and asked a subscrip-
ton 20 some charitable object. Car
negie. Rockefeller. and Morgan were
down for a thousand or two each. and
Mrs. Russell Sagc's name appeared op-
positc the modest sum OF $i00. The old
financier reached for his pen and his
fair visitors were jubilant until he
handed back the subscription list. He
had merely written Mr." in front of
Mrs. Russell Sage
The Washington times., 1905-09-17
A Lawful Arrangement.
BY MRS. 81. BEEBE, l43o Chaplin
Street Northwest
awarded prize OF 81

Representative Bartholdt of Missouri
tells of business man in Kansas CITY
who. for number Of years has expe-
rienced a series of financial reverses.
To protect himself OH such occasions
he has made a habit of turning over his
property to his wife
one of the victims of this .'frenzied
finance system was accosted one morn
ing by a Kansas City business man
who observed:
Il hear that Jim referring to the man
The Washington times., 1905-09-17
A Brave Fighter.
BY n. NEAL WALTERS, 2soe L street
Northwest.
awarded prize OF 81

AWARDED prize OF 81
An freshman and a colored man en-
gagged in fight. They agreed that the
one who first stepped back and said
sufficient" was whipped
So the fight began. At first the color
ed man seemed to have the better OF
1t. but finally the Irishman punched
him so hard that he stepped back and
said Sufficient"
Then the Irishman spoke UP and said:
"Begorra. is that the word? / have
been trying 10 think of II for the last
five minutes"
The Washington times., 1905-09-17
Afraid TO Pass Him.
~ r. p. .unxE, la,a Stree. N. w.
awarded prize of SD

Hon. Wayne Macyeagh was standing
one day at the depot OF the Pennsyi-
vania railroad. talking with the presi-
dent OF the road, fer whom he was
counsel when Archbishop Ryan. who
had never met the president. came up.
Mr. MacveaSh introduced them, saying:
Archbishop. you should know the pres
tAoot Of the Pennsylvania railroad. for
The Washington times., 1905-09-17

telling Miss Jane about all dem clouds
hanging of dat way. and dem birds
were all dc time flying high in dat de-
rection. and l lowed dat l was awful
skeered dat least you might get drowud-
ed, and dem buzzards would eat You
all w. and den you would have no
funeral preached and fit burial: now,
Mister Jimmie you knowed you were
use 10 more dan dat"
The Washington times., 1905-09-17
Used to Better Things.
BY J. ". MAasuRY, Anaoostia, D. G.

just after returning from the Spanish
American war | was visiting my home
in southern Maryland. and was telling
an old family servant of the very heavy
rains and the large number of turkey
buzzards that We're in Cuba. She re-
plied: II Just knewed. Mister Jimmie.
DAT dat was so, cause / was all de time
The Washington times., 1905-09-17

of many failures) has got religion Is
that true?,'
Il hardly think So" replied the vic
tim. sraveiy. unless. .perchance, it's
in his wifes name"
The Washington times., 1905-09-17

turned suddenly and asked. Mr.. Lin
coin. IN your opinion how long should
well proportional mans legs be2''
Mr. Lincoln promptly replied: Long
enough TO reach the ground >,
The Washington times., 1905-09-17
Still Another Lincoln Story.
sy C. D. GOULD, 335 Ninth Street
Southeast.

Abraham Lincoln was listening TO 4
party of gentlemen who were discuss
ing the proportiOnate heights and
weights of men, when one of the party
The Washington times., 1905-09-17

that Wordsworth did not marry an
American woman for l fear that the
first time that he had walked her up In
the middle OF the night with, My dear.
my dear. I've thought of a good word.
she would have replied. My dear. my
dear, please go to sleep. I've thought of
a bad word"
The Evening statesman. [volume] (Walla Walla, Wash.) 1903-1910, 1905-12-05

New York Mills hotel No. 3, to be
erected at once, will have fifteen stories
and 1900 rooms. Each room will be 6
feet by feet inches, lighted by cleo
trio light and furnished with iron bed
stead, chair and chiffonier The bed
will be provided with a spring and a
nair mattress and the bedding will be
of the best. The prices for rooms will
be either 25 or 80 cents night. This
is philanthropy, but Mr.. Mills makes
money on it. The other hotels are
not philanthropic, but then they make
more money.
The Evening statesman. [volume] (Walla Walla, Wash.) 1903-1910, 1905-12-05
DR.. DARRR!N IN TOWN.
He Is Stopping at the Hotel Walla
WaIIa and Will Remain Till
neeenober 90

DCCSIuOST I've
DR.. Darrin, the celebrated physician
who makes the eye, ear, nose and
throat a speciality, besides treating all
diseases and complications of the
heart, liver, kidneys and bladder, ar
rived in Walla Walla this morning and
has opened offices in the Hotel Walla
Walla on East Main street, opposite
the old Hunt depot, for a few weeks
only, until December 20, to accommo-
date the afflicted in this vicinity, who
cannot afford to take a journey to
large cities to consult specialists. DR.
Darrins reputation is SO well known
that the afflicted throughout this part
Of the country should not hesitate to
avail themselves of his phenomenal
skill.
Dr. Darrin has all the latest appli-
ances for the cure of chronic and
deep-seated diseases. All diseases OF
private nature-''nervous debility
the result of excess, OverwOrk or dis
sipation-positively cured. The charges
are very low and consultation free tc
those taking treatment.
Sufferers from rheumatism, asthma
consumption, catarrn, dyspepsia, IN
male weakness, cancer, heart disease
malaria, urinary troubles, piles, bowel
troubles, fistulas, alterations and all
diseases of whatsoever nature should
call upon him.
Consultation and Examination Free
A friendly talk will cost nothing and
may save years of suffering, and per-
haps your life. Young, middle-aged
or old men, suffering from the effects
of follies and excuses restored to
perfect health, manhood and vigor
Ladies suffering from any compiled
ton of female trouble should call and
have a free consultation (and exami-
nation if necessary with this success
full specialist, who has restored many
a sick woman to health after other
doctors have failed.
Each visitor is seen privately and all
communications received in sacred
confidence. No sufferer should fail to
call on him during his visit. as
it may be the last opportunity of see
ing him in a long time.
The Evening statesman. [volume] (Walla Walla, Wash.) 1903-1910, 1905-12-05
JOHN KINDER BEGINS SUIT
AGAINST WILLIAM PEPPER,
RULO RANCHER,
Alleges That He Drilled a 600 Foot
Well on Ranch and Never
Got a Cent.

John D. Kinder, a we'll driller, began
suit in the superior court this morning
against William PEPPER, a Rulo ranch
er, to collect the sum Of $2248.50 al
legged to be due him for sinking a 600
foot we'll on PEPPERS ranch last fall;
Sc alleged to be due as fees he paid
out for filing a laborers lien against
PEPPERS ranch and $3.50 attorneys fees.
Kinder in his complaint, which was
filed by Attorney r. H. Ormsbee of
Waitsburg, alleges that he and PEPPER
entered into an agreement last July
whereby Kinder was to drill 900 foot
we'll on PEPPERS ranch near Rulo sta
ton. He was to receive 50 cents a
foot for dirt work; SO per foot for all
rock work the first 100 feet; $3.50 per
foot for rock in the second 100 feet,
and 81 per foot for all rock in the
rest of the way down to the 900 feet.
PEPPER, he says, also agreed to pay 81
per foot for all casting used.
Kinder alleges that he performed his
part of the agreement and specifies
that Pieper owes MIN the following
amounts: Eleven feet dirt work at
so cents per foot, $3.50; 80 feet rock
in first 100 feet at SO per foot $267;
100 feet of rock in the second 100 feet
at $3.50 a foot, $3.50; 400 feet of rock
at 81 a. foot, $1,000; 26 feet casing at
81 per foot, $26; total, $224S50.
To secure his claim Kinder filed a
lien on PEPPERS land and in his suit
he asks that it be made permanent.
The Evening statesman. [volume] (Walla Walla, Wash.) 1903-1910, 1905-12-05

The city Of Walla Walla had some
experience with continuous stave pipe
built on the ground" as recommended
by Engineer Thomson, in the Worley
Hume on East Alder street. That f1ume
has burst half a dozen times in as
many different places and has been a
constant source of trouble, worry and
annoyance ever since it was laid. One
can easily imagine what 13A miles of
such pipe in the proposed gravity sys-
tenn would mean. Engineer Weile says
that no one but an expert can lay sucn
pipe satisfactorily, and Walla Walla's
experience with Expert Worley con-
firms the statement.
The Evening statesman. [volume] (Walla Walla, Wash.) 1903-1910, 1905-12-05
Entertainment Club Reunion.

NEW YORK, Dec. 5.-The entertain
ment club the principal object of
which is the development of friendly
relations with representatives Of for
eign countries, will hold it's tenth annu-
al reunion at the .Waldorf-AstOria this
evening. The reunion and banquet will
be Gin honor of our British cousins -
The guest of honor will be the British
ambassador, who will be accompanied
by Lady Durand, Miss Durand and
many members of his official staff.
Among the other guests will be Sir
Percy Sanderson, Mrs. Craigie, Miss
The Evening statesman. [volume] (Walla Walla, Wash.) 1903-1910, 1905-12-05

cent the inevitable and agree to the
enactment of the presidents plan into
Hesitation at this coming session of
congress.
Senator Cullom is said to have
drafted a bill which is to be the basis
of the measure to be finally passed by
the senate. This bill confers upon the
Interstate commerce commission the
authority to make a new rate when the
existing rate has been found to be un-
req sonable, and to fix not only maxi
mum reasonable rates, but minimum
reasonable rates to prevent unjust dis
elimination. It provides that the rate
shall go into effect not less than ten
DAYS and not more than thirty days
after it is formally promulgated. The
courts are to be made accessible for
review in case the railroad or the ship
per seeks to appeal from the commits
sion
This change in the attitude of men
like Aldrich and Foraker, and it is
said also to include Elkins, is attribut-
ed to the conclusion that the presi-
dents railroad program is going to
pass the senate by democratic votes if
it fails of general republican support
and the senate leaders realize that 1t
will not do to allow the democrats to
claim credit for having given the
country legislation which is so gener-
ally favored as this.
If the Tribune correspondent is
right the president mas won notable
victory; but whether this victory has
been won already or whether the oppo-
sition is still standing out, the final re-
suit appears to be no longer in doubt.
If the senate defeats the presidents
program, the issue is sure to become
political, and the result of a popular
vote on this question it would not be
hard to foresee. 1t is this phase of the
matter which is undoubtedly inf1uen-
cling the senate leaders who have been
so strenuously opposing rate legisla-
ton Discouraged as to any compro-
! mise with the president, who mas de-
clared compromise impossible on any
other basis than that Of surrender, the
senators have apparently decided that
they might as we'll do the surrendering
now.