davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Irish standard., 1905-07-22
The Mother-in-Law.

Did you ever get tired of the
mother-in-law jokes going the rounds
of the press? Every pert paragrapher
in the land has at some time or other
had his little fling at the mother-in-
law, and the number of jokes real and
alleged, written about that good
woman would fill the shelves of a
fairly good-sized library.
But we are not getting awfully
tired of the jokes-or alleged jokes
that place the mother-in-law in the
position of being sour, dyspeptic,
selfish, domineering creature. A joke
to be real good must have some ele'
ments of truth in it-and the average
mother-in-law joke usually lacks it.
Let cheap vaudeville actor perpe
trate villainous joke about mother
in-law" and the thoughtless will laugh
Most vaudeville actors who do use
that gag do so because it is the only
way they can get a laugh.
Your mother-in-law! Now just stoI
and think about it. Without her yor
would have no loving wife. Who wa:
i it that was right ON deck when the
wife of your bosom went far dowr
into the dark vailed and returned
j. with the little life that is more prec
lous to you than gold or jewels?
Who was it that came at your wife,
call for help and remained while yo,
The Irish standard., 1905-07-22
WAS FULLY DESERVED.

In the last issue of the Commoner
Mr. Bryan clearly and truthfully says:
The rebuke administered to Chief
Engineer Wallace by Secretary Taft
was fully deserved. Mr.. Wallace ap-
piled for the position; he was then
earning $4,000 year and asked that
his salary be fixed at $4,000 in view
of the fact that he had to reside on
the isthmus. The government COM
piled with his request and he went to
work. But before he had time to more
than acquaint himself with his duties
he received an offer from New York
corporation, accompanied by an ad-
vance in salary. Without stopping to
consider his obligation to the govern
ment or the embarrassment which his
resignation would cause, he immedi-
ately obtained permission to return to
New York on important personal
business" When he arrived he laid
the matter before Secretary Taft
and stated that he felt that his own
financial interests demanded that he
resign. Secretary Taft was so indig-
nant at the purely mercenary view
that Wallace took of the subject that
he demanded his immediate resigna-
ton.
The secretary was right. A public
official who at a critical time with
draws from a public work merely be-
cause he can make more money else.
| where is not fit to be an official. Mr..
| Wallace may accumulate more wealth
i'll his new position (although he was
| drawing from the government half as
large a salary as the president, and
| three times as much as members Of
the cabinet) but he will never wipe
out the stain that his greed has put
upon his good name. Even If he had
no sense of honor, one might expect
him to show some gratitude for the
raise from $4,000 to $4,000, but he
seems to have thought of nothing but
money. Good riddance, and may the
administration find a man instead Of
a gold worshipper to take hds place.
And, speaking of designations, why
could not the transcontinental roads
postpone indefinitely the building of
the canal by bribing the canal ofncials
with higher salaries? It was the rail.
road influence, led by Senator Hanna,
The Irish standard., 1905-07-22

that substituted the Panama route for
the Nicaragua route, and it was sus.
pected at the time that the chief rea.
son was that the voyage from New
York to San Francisco was 1900 miles
longer by way of Panama. Now, If
these same influences can take away
the experts employed to conduct the
work they can keep up transcontinen-
tai rates. 1t would be we'll for the
president to examine into the ante
cedents and corporate connections of
those who apply for responsible posi-
tions in the construction department
of the canal enterprise.
The Irish standard., 1905-07-22

The crusade against American goods
and manufactures, in the Chinese
Treaty Ports," continues, and is as
suming more extended proportions
showing that those who are behind ii
are determined to push it to the ut,
most extreme, says the Irish-Ameri'
can. 1t has now got to the length that
the local newspapers, in the four prin-
cipal cities and towns, open to foreign
trade, refuse to publish advertise
ments announcing where American
goods are on sale. AS those papers
are controlled by English publishers,
this expedient at once betrays the
British origin of the movement; for
none but a thick-witted Johnny Bull
would adopt such plan, to shut out
a rival whose competition he fears
even more than he detests it. No
Chinaman would resort to such a STRAIT
agem, as he knows that "the good
wine needs no bush," and that those
who require an article of trade will
seek for and find it. The boycott,
however, is double-edged game; and
if the English elect to play it against
us, we can respond in kind,-and with
an effect that will not be agreeable to
our loving Anglo-Saxon cousins.
The Irish standard., 1905-07-22
THOMAS c. PLATT.

What a satire it is upon public ca
reers to consider in it's true light Sen
ator Platt's commentary upon public
life made upon the occasion of his
seventy-second birthday: Seventy
two years old-a great many days and
months and years. Some of them
fruitful, some barren, but none of
them worth the while. 1t could have
been so much better-or, at least, so
different from what it is" This is the
observation of man who has spent
his life in the machine politics of the
state of New York. No man has made
and unmade more men than Thomas
Collier Platt. He is the Warwick of
American politics. He has made more
than one president and he has unmade
men who without his interference
would doubtless have been president,
but he has never done anything of
real worth for the country which he
was elected to serve. His time and
ability has been expended in mean
petty politics. His craftsmanship has
been of the back-room order. He has
always been allied with the worst
elements in his party and when the
best elements threatened to succeed
he defeated their efforts by aiding the
worst elements in the Democratic
party. But in the common accepta-
tion CT political success in this coun-
try today he has been successful. He
has never failed to secure re-elec.
ton for himself and no one was ever
made governor of the state of New
4 York by the Republican party with.
out his consent. Occasionally his
schemes have worked for the public
good. 1t was he who ordered the Re.
publican convention at Philadelphia
in 1900 to nominate Theodore Roose'
welt for vice president, hoping in that
way to get rid of Roosevelt in the poll
tics of New York and to thus shelve
him forever. Accident made Roose
welt president. Perhaps Platt ought
to have some credit. but If he is to gel
any credit at all it is from such cir
cumstances as this. He never, know
ingly, did anything for the public
good.
Yet Thomas C. Platt is not an un
common example in American life. He
is the president of great express
company. He is high up in the bust
ness world and certainly he has beer
high up in what is called the politica
world, yet there is not on the statut,
books of the United States one singl,
act of constructive legislation origi
mated or promoted by him by which
he may be remembered. Plat viii
be remembered because of his sharl
practices and his tricky politics. NJ
wonder that in the shadow of life b.
echoes Ecclesiastes, Vanity of vanl
ties. All is vanity" Today he feel
! that he Is unable to maintain hi
The Irish standard., 1905-07-22
Companion of Boyle o'ReiIIy.

Here is note from the Freeman's
Journal of Syuney, New South Wales,
Australia, which will interest many
thousands of people in this country:
Thomas Duggan, one of the Fenian
prisoners sent to West Australia, is
seriously ill at Perth. 1t was the in
tention of the committee which made
provision for Mr.. Duggan and his COM
rades to send him home to his rela-
tives in Ireland, but members of the
committee, Messrs. O'Connor and
Grattan Grey, found him very weak,
and in the course of conversation Mr..
duelling ardor of the Man of Blood
and Iron by gruesome choice of
weapons, one of which at least was as
deadly in its way as the bomb that
lately blew Grand Duke Sergius into
mincemeat. Virchow had been poking
Bismarck (at that time chancellor)
with some sharp-pointed criticism.
Once when he had been "pinked"
somewhat more deeply than usual, the
iron chancellor sent seconds to wait
upon Virchow and challenge him to a
duel. The further course of the story
runneth thus:
"The man of science was found in
his laboratory hard at work at expert
ments which had for their object the
discovery of means of destroying
trichinae, which were making great
ravages in Germany. 'Ah,' said the
doctor, "a challenge from Prince Bis
marck, eh! Well, we'll! AS 1 am the
challenged party, suppose have the
choice of weapons. Here they are!
He held up two large sausages, which
seemed to be exactly alike. One of
these sausages,' he said, is filled with
trichinae; it is deadly. The other is
perfectly wholesome. Externally they
can't be told apart. Let His Excellen-
cy do me the honor to choose which
ever of these he wishes and eat it,
and I will eat the other!'" eve may
here explain that the trichinae are the
parasites which produce the painful
and deadly disease called trichinosis,
which is more common in Germany
than in any other part of the earth.)
Although" says the narrator, "the
proposition was as reasonable as any
duelling proposition could be, Prince
Bismarck's representatives refused it.
No duel was fought, and no one ac-
cused Virchow of cowardice."
The Irish standard., 1905-07-22


today than in any foreign feet or
army. There is war on at the pres
ent time for which we should prepare.
1t is war against common everyday
dishonesty in public life and in pri-
vate business. Scandals in the de-
partments at Washington, official rot
tenness in many of the large cities of
the country; in Philadelphia, in Mil
waukee, in st. Louis; yea, even at
home in Minneapolis. Fraud and pill
fering by trusted managers of insur-
ance companies and presidents of
great banks, ornaments of society and
pillars of churches: these are the ene-
mics that we need to prepare for, and
we do not need an army or navy with
which to fight them. 1t needs but the
most superficial introspection to see
that these are the very enemies
which made England unprepared for
war a few years ago in South Africa,
and admittedly these are the enemies
that today prostrates the great Slav
nation. The largest army ever Gre
ated by man can accomplish nothing
If it is organized upon dishonest
basis. Russia does not need moro
men today, but she needs the millions
of dollars that were stolen in the or.
ganization of that army. The very
guns that she counted upon to defend
Port Arthur Indefinitely were found
to be an enemy when the emergency
came. The stores which were sup.
posedly bought and placed in that
fortress, but which were not bought
and placed there. lead an army to
destruction.
The war that we have on hand in
this country is the war against graft.
We need to tone up the public con-
science by preaching and practicfng
honesty in our public and private
lives. It is easy to see that dishonest
methods in business affairs leads to
dishonest methods in public affairs.
There is no power that doubts the re,
sources of the United States. Every
foreign observer admits our ability to
bring almost unending. means to bear
in necessity. Foreign critics never
question our physical ability, but they
do point to corruption in public life,
particularly in municipal affairs, as
the greatest danger threatening the
American people.
1t is fortunate indeed that the Presi-
dent has turned aside, at present at
least, from his demand for larger
navy, to carry on a campaign against
the enemy at home. He has an
nounced that no guilty man shall be
allowed to escape. He has said that
certain directors of great corpora
tions are traitors to their country.
Pursuing this line President Roosevelt
can do more for the American nation
than the greatest navy ever construct
ed could do.
The fighting spirit which just now
seems more prevalent than ever, has
grand opportunity to exercise itself.
There is room in this fight for every
good and honest fighter There is
room for it every day and in every
walk of life. If those who are spoil
ing for fight would but enter upon
this fight they could do their country
an immense amount of good.
The Irish standard., 1905-07-22

tanned that the assets of the estate are
double the value of the liabilities. 1t
is an unusual thing for man worth
seven millions in property value to 60
broke. 1t is also unusual for a man
who fails in business to ever again
get enough money to square his cred
itors. Devlin's case is an exception;
but it is also another example of the
peril of placing too many irons in the
fire. A healthy, contented laborer is
worth dozen invalid millionaires.
The Irish standard., 1905-07-22

Devlin of Kansas City. counted as
the richest and best business man of
the middle west, took to his bed
through illness which cast all thoughts
Of finance out Of his head, says the
) Ealt Lake Intermountain Catholic.
Meantime his immense affairs got into
ID tangle, couple of banks suspended
payments, and hundreds of employees
IN coal mines awaited wages due them
/ Sane management will restore the
Devlin credN again. as it is asce
The Irish standard., 1905-07-22
The >above rates include cost of postage
to any part of the United States, Canada
or Mexico. To foreign countries the post
age will be soc per year additional.

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to any part of the United States, Canada
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1906, and so on.
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The Irish standard., 1905-07-22

No doubt there are those who will
assert that the recent hot wave and
the visit of Lawson to the Northwest
are intimately connected. Well, the
unloading of so much hot air in any
locality is liable to produce hot waves
The Irish standard., 1905-07-22
Thomas A. Lawson's good opinion
of Minnesota's governor seems to
have reached the frenzied stage.

The government was defeated in
the British House of Commons Thurs
day night by a majority of three on
the motion to reduce the membership
of the Irish land commission.
The Irish standard., 1905-07-22
Bismarck Declined a Duel With saus--
ages as Weapons.

The journalist promptly replied:
"My Dear Sir and Adversary: +
thank you, according to your wish,
for having sent me cuffs by post, in
stead of slaughtering me with weap-,
ons. Cuffed by post, I respond by
despatching you by post six bullets in
the head. kill you by letter. Please
consider yourself dead from the first
line of this epistle. With respectful
salutation to your corpse, I am very
truly Y0urs
Middletown transcript., 1905-10-14
New CASTLE COUNTY, So.
THE STATE OF DEIAWN

4HE CiAlE UT LEILA " Ni'i.
To THE SHERIFF OF New CASTLE Cot Nay,
GREETING -
Whereas, Harriet S. Role by
her Petition to the Judges Of
our Superior Court, filed in the
office OF the Prothonotary of said
Court in and for New Castle
[Seall County, for the cause of complaint
therein alleged, has made applica-
ton to our said Judges that de-
cree may be pronounced dissolv-
ing the marriage between the Pc
titioner and John H. Role.
We, Therefore, Command You, as you
were heretofore commanded, that you
summon John Fl. Role that he be and
appear before the Judges of our said Court
at the next term ii ereof to be held
at Wilmington, on Monday, the Twenty
seventh day OF November next to answer
the allegations of the said petitioner,
Harriet S. Role according TO the Act
of Assembly in such case made and
provided, and also to do and receive what
the Court shall then and there consider
concerning him in this behalf as to the
Court shall seem meet and consistent
with the provisions of the said Act of
Assembly.
And have yon then there this writ.
Witness the Honorable Chas. B. Lore,
at Wilmington, the Eighteenth day of
September A. D. nineteen hundred and
five.
FRANK L. SPEAKMAN,
Issued Oct. 10th, 1905. Prothonotary.
Middletown transcript., 1905-10-14
New CASTLE COUNTY, IS.

4NE" SASILE SoUNI1s
THE STATE OF DELAWARE.
To THE SHERIFF OF New CASTLE COUNTY,
GREETING =
Whereas, Lucille Springer Maull
by her Petition to the Judges of
our Superior Court, filed in the
Office Of the Prothonotary of
said Court in and for New Castle
[Seall County, for the cause of COM
plant therein alleged, has made
application to our saiG Judges
that decree may be pronounced
dissolving the marriage exist
ing between the Petitioner and
Charles Allen Maui.
We, therefore, commandyou, as You were
heretofore commanded, that you sum
mon Charles Allen Maui that he be and
appear before the Judges of our said Court
at the next term thereof to be held at
Wilmington, on Monday the Twenty.sev-
enth day OF November next to answer the
allegations of the said petitioner, Lucilla
Springer Maui, according to the Act of As
sembly in such case made and provided,
and also to do and receive what the Court
shall then and there consider concerning
him in this behalf as to the Court shall
seem meet and consistent with the pro-
visions of the said Act Of Assembly.
And have you then there this writ.
Witness the Honorable Chas. B. Lore,
at Wilmington, the Eighteenth day of
September A. D. nineteen hundred and
five. .
FRANK L. SPEAKMAN,
Issued Oct 10th, 1905. Pfothonotary.
Middletown transcript., 1905-10-14
New CASTLE COUNTY, SIS.

TIE STATE OF DELAWARE.
To THE SHERIFF or New CASTLE County,
GREETING =
Whereas, Josephine Alexan-
der by her Petition to the
Judges of our Superior Court, fl
ed in the office OF the Prov 2n-
otary of said Court in and~pr
New Castle County, for the cause
TSeal1 of complaint therein alleged, has
made application to our said
Judges that a decree may be
pronounced dissnlving the mar
rage existing between the Petit
toner and Roy H. Alexander.
We, therefore, command you, as You
were heretofore commanded. that you sum-
mon Roy H. Alexander that he be and ap-
pear before the Judges Of our said Court at
the next term thereof to be held at Will
mlngton, on Monday, the Twenty seventh
day of November next to answer the allie
CATIONS OF tlesaid petitioner Josephine Al
exander, according to the Act of Assembly
in sucl case made and provided, and also
to do and receive what the Court shall
then and there consider concerning him
in this behalf as to the Court shall seem
meet and consistent with the provisions
of the said Act of Assembly.
And have Won then there this writ.
Witness the Honorable Chas. B. Lore,
at Wilmington, the Eighteenth day of
September A. ID. nineteen hundred and
five.
FRANK L. SPEAKMAN
Issued O. f. 10th, 1905. Parliamentary.
Middletown transcript., 1905-10-14
New CASTLE COUNTY, SIS.

New CASTLE COUNTY, SIS.
THE STATE OF DELAWARE,
To THE SHERIFF OF New CASTLE COUNTY,
GREETING =
Whereas, Joshua Baldwin by
his Petition to the Judges Of our
Superior Court, filed in the office
OF the Parliamentary of said Court
in and for New Castle County,
TSeal1 for the cause of complaint there
in alleged. has made application
to our said Judges tl.at afdecree
may be pronounced dissolving
the marriage existing between
the Petitioner and n argaret Bald
win.
We, therefore, command you, as you
were heretofore commanded, that you
summon Margaret Baldwin, that she be
and appear before the Judges of our said
Court at the next term thereof to be held
at Wilmington, on Monday, the Twenty
seventh day of November next to answer
the al egations of the said petitioner.
Joshua Baldwin, according to the Act OF
Assembly in such cash made and pro-
vided, and also to do and receiIe what
the Court shall then and there Consider
concerning her in this behalf fas to the
Court shall seem meet and col sistent with
the provisions of the said AIT of Assem-
bly,.
And have Won then Il ere this writ.
Witness the Honorable Chas. B. Lore,
at Wilmington, the Eighteenth day of
September 4. D. nineteen hundred and
five.
frank l.. SPEAKMAN,
Is.,e Oct 10th, 1905. Prothonotary.
Middletown transcript., 1905-10-14
.NSES.

r IST OF PERSONS LICENSED TO
- retail goods, wares and merchan-
disc, and other property Of whatsoever
kind, manufacturers of all kinds, per-
sons licensed to sell intoxicating liquors,
eating houses. real estate agents, brok
ers, auctioncers. photographers, lawyers,
conyeyanccrs. doctors. dentists stat
lions, circuses. veterinary, gypsy, detee-
tives, ptddlers' Licenses and special heen-
SEES to sell intoxicating liquors, merry
go-round, from October ], a " ipo4, y
September 80, A. d., 1905. wsth the sum
by them respectively paid for. each
license to the Clerk Of the Peace ID New
Castle county for the use Of the State Of
I.laware. and pawnbrokers-, and junk
dealers FIR the use Of New Castle
couatv.
WINFIELD S. QUIGLEY, {. T.
Wi nj irtcn. Del. Sept. 80, 1903.
Middletown transcript., 1905-10-14
NEW CASTLE County, So.

NEW CASTLE COUNTY, ss.
The STATE OF DELAWARE,
To THE SHERIFF OF New CASTLE COUNTY,
GREETING =
Whereas, James Harrington by
his +, tition to the Judges of our
SUI erinr Court, fled in the office
of the r ihonotary OF said Court
in and for New Castle County,
TSeal1 fol tn cause of complaint there
in alleged, has made application
t. our said Judges that decree
may be pronounced dissolying
the marriage existing between
the Petitioner and Anna May
Harrington.
We, therefore, command you, as you
were heretofore commanded, that you
summon Anna May Harrington, that she
be and appear before the Judges OF our
said Court at the next term thereof to be
held at Wilmington, ON Monday. the
Twenty seventh day of November next
to answer the allegations of the said pc
titioner, James Harrington. according to
the Act Of As emily in such case made
an pro,i led, and also to do and receive
W hat the Court shall then and there con-
slider concern ng her in this behalf as to
the Court shall seem meet and consistent
with the provisions of the said Act OF
Assembly,
And have YOU then there this writ.
VT g.; the Honorable Chas. B. Lore.
+. Wilmington, the Eighteenth day of
September A. d. nineteen hundred and
five.
FRANK L. SPEAKMAN,
Issued Oct. 10th, 1905. Prothonotary.