davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1905-09-20

One of the oddities Of our system OF
reckoning time IL cXcmpllfled In the
question M to what time the north
pole keeps In theory Nil places ON one
meridian of longitude keep the same
time. therefore the north pole. being
the central point Of NIL mcridians, must
necessarily have all times. Should the
pole ever become habitable the resi-
dent would DO able to have day or
night at any hour 0n theory by elect
Ing to take his time from II meridian
TO correspond. Should such nn unex-
pected event ever occur there would
have to be made some REIMBURSEMENT OF
our present system OF reckoning time
to suit the arctic regions.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1905-09-20
SARCASTIC DEAN SWIFT
Rules and Directions For servant,
That lie Wrote.

Rules and Directions For servants
That lie Wrote.
There was n servant problem when
Dean Swift was alive Just rs there Is
today, and he died IN 1TI5. In his
Rules and Directions For Servants"
he wrote; when you hnyo broken I'LL
your earthen vessels below stairs.
Witch is usually done In week, the
copper pot Will do MS well. II can
boil milk. heat porridge. hold small
beer Apply II indifferently to all these
uses but never wash or scour IT," And
again: III you want paper TO SINCE a
fowl. tear the first book you see about
the house. Wipe your shoes. for want
of clout, on the bottom of II curtain
or II damasll napkin" I'm roasting
and boiling" he goes on, Use none but
the large Goals md save the small ones
for the fires above stairs Another
touch that might hive been written to-
day is the following. when II butler
cleans the pinte leave the whiting
plainly to be seen III all the ehlnlIs, for
fear your Indy should not believe you
Ind cleaned It," Once more There
are several why's of putting out n
candle. You may run the candle end
against the wainscot, which puts the
snuff out Immediately. you mny lay II
on the ground and tread the snuff out
with your foot; you mny hold II up
side down until II IL chokcd In It's
own grease or cram II into the socket
OF the cnndlcstlck; you may whirl II
round In your hand I'LL II goes out"
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1905-09-20
WITS AND WOMEN.

Would YOU hurt II woman most, aim
Mt her affections. Wallace.
A woman's hopes arc woven as sun
beams: shadow nnnlhllates them
George Eliot
Women cannot see so far M men
can, but what they do see they see
quicker. Buckle.
If woman did turn man out of para
disc she has done her best ever since
to make 1t up 20 him Sheldon.
Lovers have In their language IN in
finite number of words IN which each
syllable IL carcss. Rochefcdrc
A beautiful woman plenscs the eye,
n good woman plenses the heart; one Is
jewel, the other II treasure, -Nupo-
leon I.
How wisely II is constituted that ten
der and gentle women shall be our
earliest guides Installing their own
spirits. Charming
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1905-09-20
thfnineys.

Chlmneys constructed on modern
principles were utmost unknown TO the
anclcnts, being used only IN the large
baths, where great quantities of hot
water were needed. Chatting dishes,
brnzlcrs of glowing Goals and bottles
OF hot water We're employed by the
ladies OF the middle ages to keep their
rooms warm, and II curious picture is
extant or three Norman ladies chat
ting together, cach with bottle of
hot water placed between her feet.
Chlmneys are believed to have been I'M
known Ia England until the twelfth
century. but by the end of the four
teenth were generally employed In do
nestle architecture. For Il long time
there was n chimney tax all over Eng
land London News
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1905-09-20
RAPID WRITER'S.
Authors who Did IA Great Deal 81
Work In Little Time.

Work In Little Time.
The rapidity of the ancient writer's Is
seen from the great number of works
prepared by them, Livy, for instance,
wrote ll2 books Among the Romans,
Cicero often wrote three or four i'm.
portant works in II single year, OF later
writer's, DR. Johnson, Scott and BYRON
were all rapid writer's BYRON, 1t is
related, wrote The Corsuir" IN ten
days. while Scott wrote II work for
which he was paid IL coo In ten days.
"Rab and His Friends" by Or. John
Brown. was written. 1t Is said, Mt Il
single sitting.
The story is told that Dean Shipley
once said TO IIeher, suppose you
write Il hymn for the service tomor,
row morning." and by the next morn.
ing tho hymn known all around the
world, From Greenlund's Icy Noun
tains," was written, printed and used
In TINT days missionary service.
Chalmers was once asked how long It
took TO prepare sermon. He replied;
THAT depends on how long you
want it, If your sermon Is to be half
an hour long. 1t will take you three
days; IL 1t is TO be three quarters of an
hour, It Will take two or perhaps one,
but II you arc going To preach an hour.
then there is not much occasion TO
think great deal about IT. II may be
done in an hour"
Samuel Johnson would write Mt II
single sitting the manuscript for forty
eight printed octave pages In one
week he wrote "Rasselas" to pay for
his mothers funeral. sent 1t of to the
publishers without reading II over and
was paid fl00 for It,
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1905-09-20
I.OnH Words.

In Frederick Saunders salad For
the Solitary and Social hc says, The
naturalist Lowell published book at
oxford In 1861 entitled ranzoologf-
comlncralogn, which Is nearly M long
Il word as Rnbelais' prop pscd title for
n book namely. 'Antiperlcatamctapar-
hcngcdamphicribrat And In II
footnote he gives two others from IL
pamphlet In his possession published
ycnrs ago In London The title reads,
"ChrononhotontholOg the Most Trng-
teal Tragedy That Ever Was Trag-
edised by any Company of Tragedl-
ans" The first two lines OF this cf-
fusion read:
AdcborontiphesCoph
Where left you Observation-Disclosures
1t IL stated that there Ia nm English
dictionary containing the only word Of
eleven syllablcs, "IIonoriAcabllitudi
nifty" "Disproportlonablen Is given
~ the longest reasonable word In the
English language.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1905-09-20
why did you look at the clock, Mr..


Thurstonf'
My train leaves nj H." said Thurs
ton gloomiiy.
Going away Thurston?' queried
Bobby, with interest "Whcrc?"
"South Carolina
MIR. ThWston is leaving onto live
there" put In Jane hopefully.
"0h, l say, that's great" Her effort
died unnoticed South Cardinals Il
fine old place was there one sum-
mer. l tell you what, Thurston. they
have the prcttiest girls you ever saw.
Jolliest brightest things not bit
stlff. 4 fellow can have II mighty good
time there"
Il suppose So said Jane stiiily. II
dare say you had good time there
yourself Was that the summer you
were expelled from college? | should
not think. Bobby, that you would care
to talk about it"
well for heavens sake cried the
injured Bobby.
Thurston looked Mt the clock again.
with ostcntation.
mc?" asked jane desperately.
You know | can't play anything but
THE Good Old Summer Time with
two fingers, and I'm too shy to play
before people"
81 meant Thurston, Bobby" explain
ed the girl, With suspicious sweetness.
| Il know what you can play"
piano and dropped his hands ON the
keys with thud while Bobby sat
back eomplaccntly In his chair and
| Jane tidgcted In hers. He struck sey-
| eral heavy chords, then began the ten
| der monotone of the "Scrcnade," but
the nervous irritation. vibrating TO his
finger tips. Jared the harmony and
| Thurston, breaking or with discord
ant crash, swung round upon the stool.
Il cunt plny tonight" he said vicious
ly. returning to the fireplace.
"Why. you were doing fine" said
Bobby. with polite surprise. you're
too modest about IT," ~
Thurston set his teeth, squared his
shoulders and looked at the clock. 1t
was nigh upon the eleventh hour.
MIR Martini" he began grimly, II
am leaving upon the IL o'clock train
| tonight This IL the last opportunity
| shall hive of seeing Miss Willis.
her 10 marry me am going TO ask
| her now Will you defer your visit. or
| do you care TO hear mcT Jane gasped
so did Bobby the good hearted blum
| derer
"Oh, | say" he began. springlng to
his feet In drest confusion. I'm no
end sorry. | wouldn't have done 1t
for the world What II duffer Eve
been. I'm awfully sorry"
so nm l." snid 1hurston.
81 hndn't nm idea
$50 II seems" interrupted the older
man, with suppressed rage, but since
l have suggested one to you
ooh, Bobby" cried Jane, with n
| hystericul little laugh.
young ass" muttered Thurston.
taking "A step toward Jane. Bobby
fled incontIncntly and the door slam
med behind him.
Thurston caught Jane and the ylo-
lets und the violet chifions In his arms.
crushing them close.
we don't have to say 1t; we know"
he declared exultinglv.
Yes" snid Jane with II laugh that
was more thnn half sob but we
wanted n chance to say It anyhow"
| A bit of coal fell from the fire to the
hearth with tiny crash.
WAS that II step In the halli" muir
INJURED Jane But she did not move.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1905-09-20
WILD eABooNs.
An Incident Which illustrates the
Caution of the Animals.


One of the farm boys drew our at
tention TO what seemed little more than
n couple Of dark specks on the slope
Of the hills to the right, but we could
soon see that they We're moving and
when they came within half IL mile OF
us we could distinctly recognize them
as herd of balloons.
The boy said that he was quite sure
they were on their way to the water;
but, 10 our surprise, they did not make
any advance. A quarter of nn hour
elapsed, hnlf an hour; still no sign of
their approach. All ut once, rs II they
had started from the earth by magic
ut the open end of the pond. not sixty
yards from our place OF ambush. stood
two huge males.
When or how they got there no one
could tell. Probably they had come
by II circuitous way through the val
ley, or II might be that they had crept
straight down through the grass. They
had certainly eluded our observation.
Being anxious to watch the move
ments of the animals and to ascertain
whether they belonged to the herd
playing under the mimosas. refrained
from firing and determined to see
whit would follow next. Roth bHboons
sprang toward the water and. leaning
down, they drank till they were sntis-
fled. Then. having grnvcly stretched
themselves, they solemnly stalked
away on ell tours in the direction Of
the herd There was little doubt, there
fore TINT they belonged to the herd
and hnd been sent forward 10 recon
noIter, for ny soon NJ they got back
the entire herd put itself In motion
toward the pond.
There were mothers taking care of
their little ones; there We're half grown
animals, the boys and girls Of the COM
pany. At first only one bnhoon mt Il
time came to the waters edge and.
having taken It's draft. retired to the
rest, but when about ten Ind thus ven
tured separately they began to come
In small groups. leaving the others roll
ing and jumping on the sand.-Youth's
Companion.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1905-09-20
FLED FROM TEMPTATION.
A Briber Was Getting Close to This
Honest Mans Price.

Several secret service men were
iunching In downtown cafe the other
day when the talk turned to the gem
eral subject of graft and bribery.
Il am reminded" said one of them,
"of the story of an Individual who was
we'll known In the west about decade
ago as a man of unimpeachable hon
esty and sterling integrity And II
wasn't just belief or II general im-
preston, but matter of cold, hard
fact, as the circumstances had proved
more than once.
at happened TINT about the time l
mention big eastern corporation
which handled millions of dollars
worth of goods annually wanted y man
for Il position Of the highest trust and
after searching the country over light
ed on the gentleman In question He
accepted the position, delighted with
the honor done him. but only held it
for month, when he handed In his
resignation As he had given splendid
satisfaction In the short time he was
pressed by his employers for an eX-
PLANTATION This he finally gave, as fol
lows:
"'l had held this place only three
days when well known individual
came TO see me and, after pledging my
honor 10 secrecy, offered me bride of
$4,000 to do certain thing that would
have been faIthless to my trust. had
him shown out of the office. The next
day representative of his raised the
rendered bride to $4,000, | refused
Indignantly Several days later the
offer was raised TO $4,000. and some
time after Il was Increased to S75, 900.
Still refused with scorn.
"Last week the we'll known indlvid-
ual himself again came l. see me and
offered to make the bride 100000 In
cash and 100000 In stock. and I re-
fused the offer and resigned.
"'And why did you resign asked
his former employers, gazing ut him
In admiration.
Gentlemen. sud the man of un-
impeachahlc honesty and sterling in
tegrity, my reputation Is all | have.
| There has never been II spot on my
name, and bribery and graft and l
have been strangers all my life. Such
will continue TO be tho case. Gentle
men, resigned because that last offer
was simply near my price wash
| ington Star
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1905-09-20

An English writer tells how light
ming "slts" for its photograph: Light
ming can only be photographed Mt
night. II is also impossible to Use any
cap or shutter for this work, inasmuch
az the eyes do not observe fash OF
lightning I'll at lcnst n tenth of sec
ond after II has passed SO that, hay
Ing focused your camera beforehand,
draw the shutter and hold the camera
In the direction you think the fash
Will take and you must trust to the
courtesy OF the lightning to DO there
on time"
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1905-09-20

winners In Life.

The people who win their way into
the Utmost recesses of others hearts
are not usually the most brilliant and
gifted, but those who have sympathy,
patience, self forgetfulness and that
indehnable faculty Of elicltlng the bet
ter nature Of others. We have many
friends who ARE more beautiful and
gifted, but there IL not one of them
whose compnnonship we enjoy better
than that OF the plain faced man or
woman who never makes witty or
profound remark, but whose simple
quality OF human goodness makes up
for every other deficiency.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1905-09-20
ODD FACTS ABOUT DEER.
Wonderful Jumpers, with n Marvel
GUS sense of smell.

Wonderful Jumpers, with Marvel
GUS sense of smell.
Deer ARE wonderful jumpers, ns mny
be imagined" shys II writer. Il have
seen hind clcnr fifteen feet or 80 and
bucl, MS high ms tail man merely 10
avoid n small drain, and also. Mt a
drive, have seen II stag jump Glenn
over one of the heaters, taking fence
at the same time There IL still cx-
tant the record Of famous leap made
by stag down on the borders of Et-
tick during hunt by one of tho old
Scottish kings The plncc Is known
as the IIart's Leap, and Is commemo-
rated 10y two stones, which the mon
arch had erected TO mark the spot.
They measure twcnty-cight feet apart.
Deer have II marvellous sense OF
smell. With II strong wind blowing
they Will scent II man II mile of. Yet,
though their powers Of scent are mnr-
vicious, | confess 10 having had one
illusion quickly dlspclled. From rend-
Ing various old books on the subject l
had come To regard their sight ns
something quite abnormal and fondly
imagined that, on spying deer. sny,
mile or so away, II cautious advance
was ncccssitatcd, after the manner of
our ancient enemy. the serpent.
"Now. though deer do have good
sight they nrc certainly Inferior In this
respect TO the roe. and 50 long NJ you
keep perfectly still, will have great
difficulty In detecting you. proved
this ngaln and again one July when
trying to obtain photographs of Wild
deer | did not get any photographs,
though plenty of experience, but wits
often lying within fifteen yards of
deer without their being conscious Of
my presence.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1905-09-20

Pearl fisheries. of which the world
hears little, but which constitute n con
siderable industry, are carried on Mt
the Lohia islands, In the lower end of
the Red sea. Very few of these pearls
find their way 10 European or Amcrl-
almost nbsorbs the output Pearls arc
the most popular of all gems among
the inhabitants of India and Arabia
and II IL seldom that II native woman
OF any social position Is seen without
pearl ornaments of some kind, either
finger rings, earrings or rings for the
nose, and even the feet
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1905-09-20

1t IL not safe. MS rule, for subma-
rIne divers to descend lower than %
fathoms, 100 feet, ut which depth II
pressure of G9N pounds Is met with.
The greatest depth to which any diver
hns ever descended Is 81 fathoms, or
204 feet. This was to the ship Cape
Horn, sunk off the coast of South
America. At this depth the diver,
Hooper, must have sustained the enor-
nous pressure of $50 pounds per
square inch London Engineer.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1905-09-20
III. rracficnI Nie,y.

A certain sweet fnced grandmother
IL sometimes startled by the up-to-dnte
ness Of her grandchildren. The other
day she was telling the youngest of
them n boy Ave years old, the story OF
Lot She showed him the pictures Of
the wicked cities Of the plains enyel-
oped In the fire from heaven. The lit
tie chap gazed at the pictured confa-
grafton and then asked:
"Wcre they edT-Ncw York
Press
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1905-09-20
Went Enr IA anIdIcr

AT one of the London police courts II
young hoollgnn was being tried for nn
assault on nm elderly nun, The mng-
istratc. noticing M old customer In the
hooligan, thought he would give him n
little futhcrly advice. and remarked:
young man, I'm surprised AT II big.
strong, healthy looking fellow HE you
always getting into trouble. Why, you
secm to he always wanting to fight.
Why don't you go for soldicrT'
Imagine the smile which illuminated
the magistrates face when the youth
replied, II did once, your honor, and
he nearly killed me"
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1905-09-20

On Plymouth Iilll stands the impos'
Ing statue TO the pilgrims Its base IL
granite and supports seated figure at
each R the four corners with eyes
searching the surrounding country,
while woman's figure crowns the top.
On the pedestal IL inscribed the name
Of every man, woman and child that
came over In the Mayfiower.-St. Mich
Olns
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1905-09-20
Modern Entertaining.

A London drawing room IN the sea
son resembles nothing so much as the
parrot house ut the 700 For this deaf
blame, entertaining being based upon
the principle that you must first hire
somebody to make II noise and then
invite your friends to shout the hired
noise down. The louder the band the
louder the shouts of the guests. The
more piercing the shrlelis Of the So
prano the more ear splitting the yells
Of the audience must be IL the, party Is
to be a success London Field,
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1905-09-20
To Tell . uorse,s Age.

The age of horse cannot always bs
told by looking ut Its teeth. After the
eighth year the horse has no more new
teeth. so that this method Is useless for
horse which is more than C.Sht years
old AS soon as the set OF teeth Is
complete, however, wrinkle begins
10 appear on the edge Of the lower eye
lid, and another wrinkle Is added each
year. so that to get at the age OF
horse more than eight years old you
must count the teeth plus the wrinkles.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1905-09-20
All other knowledge Is hurtful to him
who has not honesty and good nature.
&. Mnntaigne


A traveller who has toured Europe
with his wife at 81 day for the two
declares that the pensions ARE tho base
OF his cheap travel. In every CONT
mental city visited they easily found
delightful pensions at $1.20 day each.
Tho pensions have not the style and
display Of the hotels. but they have all
the comfort and the servants fees are
fewer and smaller. Breakfast includes
bread and coffee. nothing more.
Luncheon and dinner are course meals.
very much alike Some one in the house
always speaks English. 20
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1905-09-20
The Soda Thirst

II has come and we were never
better able to entertain it.
The delicious new drinks we
have will charm and delight
this great summer autocrat.
He will be repeatedly downed,
but like truth will rise again.
Our fresh, pure call fruit y
syrup and our sparkling cool
soda water are FIT to quench
the thirst OF a monarch.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1905-09-20

A Kentucky woman Is responsible
for the following story
In the tobacco region OF my state"
said she. "the men live and move and
have their being In the smoky leaf.
There was woman whose husband
died. He had been m nil around bad
sort, and therefore when the bishop
OF the diocese called he was surprised
to find the widow crushed with grief
lie tried to console, but, finding her
obduratc, he finally became lrritatcd.
"'You know perfectly well, said lie
sternly, that he was n dcridcr Of re-
liHon, that he gamblcd away all your
property and that he was mn unfaithful
husband
81 know, bishop, know so0oed
the poor woman. but ! had n great
deal 10 be thankful for lie never
chewed tobacco New York Press
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1905-09-20

II can attend to that divorce case for
you. If you like" suggested his friend,
the lawyer.
I'm sorry, old man." replied the
western Benedict. but the fact Is
promised the case TO friend OF mine
before | was married New York
Press
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1905-09-20
nnIIdinr Home.

Teacher Tommy, when was Rome
built? Tommy In the night. Teach
or How came you TO make such
mistake? Tommy You sal yester-
day Rome wasn't built In Il day
School Bonrd journal.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1905-09-20

Tommy-Oh, my pa says you're
blamed nuisance. teacher Teacher
WHAT Tommy Well, that's what he
says | am when / ask questions, and
that's whit you're always a-doin'.-
Philadelphia Press.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1905-09-20
After n M.nI.

Mrs Wages (readlngl A well known
physician says that one should never
go into the water after II hearty meal.
Wages That's right It's better to go
into n first class restaurant after II II
one happens TO have the price
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1905-09-20

Great minds, like heaven. are pleased
In doing good, though the ungrateful
subjects OF their favors are barren In
return Rowe.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1905-09-20

Auntie How smart you look this
afternoon, dearlc! Dolly (who has
been forbidden to ask II she may stay
to tea Well. you gee, ! put on this
costume SO that II anybody did ask
me to ten | could stop. Conscience
strickcn)-I- haven't asked, have II
Punch
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1905-09-20
MONEY WANTED.

$4,000, 81 800, 81 800 o. 800 sG0O, $500 all first
mortgages on city property and desirable in
vestments.
Money to loan in large amounts on i'm
proved Real Estate.
Office open evenings to o'clock.
Lock Box 1874, o L. BLACKWELL