Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1905-05-30
RIV AL CANDIDATES
HOW SECRETARY TAFT QUEER
ED" SECRETARY sHAW's PARTY.

Did you hear how Secretary Taft
'dueered' his presidential rival Secretary
Shaw, last night2" asked one politician of
another uptown today. No? Well, l must
tell you it was plumb scandalous. You
see, it's this way; Brother Shaw gets up
little picnic for his friends. the newspaper
correspondents. and takes them down the
river on the revenue cutter Window. They
slip away about eighty-five of them, on
a real, nice little Sunday school time.
Well when Secretary Taft hears of 1t
they say his rage Is something dreadful to
see. He had always counted on the cor
respondents as his meat and here comes
along Brother Shaw and takes a whole
bunch down the river where he can talk to
them. But, mark his revenge.
The Window Is plugging along up stream
homeward bound. Just below Fort Wash
ington and Fort Hunt, these two strong
holds, mind you, being under control of
Secretary Taft two powerful searchlights
are thrown upon the Window. one from
each side of the river. They are operated
from the forts and they bore into the pilot
house of the Window like X-rays. The
Window wobbles and lodges, but cannot
escape those two baleful eyes peering at
her from out the darkness of the Mary
land and Virginia shores. The pilot be-
comes bewildered and herplunk' goes the
Window into mud bank.
out and not to be flood again until the
next morning at that hour. Fine pros
pect; eighty-five correspondents marooned
and not a wire within sixteen miles. Once
that the Window is fast aground, the bale
fuI searchlights blink out and darkness set
ties upon the scene. The guests, l am
tcld, take it phiosophically enough. and
some of them start up the national game
in the captains cabin.
"Well, after about an hour of this, with
the Window settling deeper into the mud,
along comes footy little tugboat, splut-
tering out of the darkness. up the river
And what do you think this craft is? What,
to be sure, but a steamer belonging to the
quartermaster Office of Secretary Taft's
department. There's calculation and cum
ming for you. Taft first beaches Brother
Shaw party and then comes and takes
them off.
After noslng around to make sure that
the Window is safely aground, and trying
unavailingly to pull her Off the War De
newspaper guests. The small boats are
lowered away, the ganSway manned, and
the party transferred to the Taft boat,
Brother Shaw being the last to go over the
side.
But the revenge OF Taft is not sated yet.
With fiendish cunning he recollects that
Brother Shaw is total abstainer, as all
good Methodists should be- and that doubt
less there wasn't a drop of anything on the
Window. So, the War Department boat
loafs along up stream and lands the tired
ana tnlrSty party just llFe minutes dItef the
excise law has closed the cafes. He proba-
bly, concluded that If anything was needed
to settle Brother Shaw's hash with his
guests, 1t would be that.
But the newspaper men say that all will
be forgiven Secretary Shaw, unless he
should attempt to take it out on the reve-
nue. cutter officer. If he tries any such un-
christian tactics as that, his quondam
guests will charter a river boat, take
Brother Shaw down the river and court
martial him.