Forest City press. (Forest City, Potter County, D.T. [S.D.]) 1883-19??, 1905-03-16
The LADY tuaGLAR

Washington Star: The lady burglar
toyed refiectively with her bunch OF
Roman gold skeleton keys. They were
leld together by a narrow cerise RIBBON.
1t was at an early hour in the AFTER
noon. and the lady burglar Lad just
risen. Her maid had brought her a
tiny cup of coffe-the III was of the
most rare Sevres-and a caviare SAND
wich: "A bizarre breakfast, truly, put.
then. nearly all lady burglars are ol-
zaire.
Il fear / am ennuye this morning
afternoon, Is it," said the lady burglar.
~Nawning. as the interviewer entered
her boudoir. zone grows so weary OF
ii all. does one not? And yet we wom-
en- of today are never satisfied until
we have entered professional life. ON.
yes, ones profession has its compensa-
lions. but. mung doc. the awful mon
otony of it. Nne perpetual striving ar
ter perfection. N.e constant effort to
elevate ones SELF to the topmost PIN
nacle. oh. it is dreary! titine. my
salts.
The nature OF my compensations :?
oh. truly. they exist. l shall illustrate.
last nisht-rather. his morning.
was r~ansacking the jewel case OF a
woman who won for a husband a nan
for whom / cared when l was but a
rhild-ah, yes. but a child. And. by the
way, some of the jewels are vrey pref
ty. ! shall have Fifine bring them di-
rectly. Well. do you know. l have al
ways been perfectly certain in my own
mind that that woman made up afro
ciously. 1 confess she has always been
skillful at IT, but, none the less l felt
Ne.y confident that she was dread
fully made up. Well, after l had de-
posted all OF her jewels safely in my
new carry-all skirt-my own invention:
l wore it for the first time last night,
...l IL, 4, I,~a,. 81 >,-r-, .- ln-. AZ
ness--I couldn't resist he temptation
to flash my dark lantern i'm her face.
Her husband is out OF the city. you
know. and she is quite alone. Well.
she was a sight! Haggard! Listen!
l make my prisons that l shall V
grow SO haggavd. And. saccrey bloc!
how yellow! How dreadfully yellow!
And such crowfeet! Trenches. posi-
lively trenches! And her hair-that
she has always claimed to be naturally
wavy-why. 1t was done up in kids!
She awoke with a start when l flashed
my lantern in her face. b~ut--pouf!-I
was gone. Now, was not that a COM
rensation-the unexpected proving OF
a suspicion with reference to a rival OF
other days-ah. sad. and yet ever beau
tiful other days! Eifine. my handker-
chief"
The lady burglar lavished some tears
upon her Mexican terrier and pro-
ceeded:
Blu there is so much to fatigue one,
too. in my profession. Now. l had al
ways believed journalists to be, more or
less. fabricators-ah, pardon!-speak-
Ing generally, O know. But l know
know that they are not. Journalists
have always engaged i'm persifiage with
reference to the habit-that married
mems wives have of going through
their pockets. their trouser pockets.
Listen! hat Is true! The jou, nalists
are not fabricators. Alas for my SEX!
But the married women do go through
their husbands pockets. I have seen
them do it with these eyes. No later
than last week I was about to enter.
toward midnight, the apartment OF a
very wealthy capitalist living in the
northwest section of your most beauti-
tul city. One of my agents-ah. ooey,
l have observing agents!-had in
formed me that this capitalist always
carried a large bundle Of bills in his
trousers pocket. and l went after it.
Would you believe it. just as I reached
the portieres hanging between the
dressing room and the bed room the
light suddenly went up a very little,
very little, and l lodged softly into the
sheltering shadow of the portieres.
whence I could observe the entire bed
room.
oh. 1t was too %irratating! The gen.
tleman was peacefully ~slumbering, but
his wife-such ~unspeakable wicked
ness!-had risen stealthily. and was In
the very act OF going through his trou-
sers pockets! I could have shaken her!
Such observation-disclosures! And after the
careful work l had accomplished in
gaining entrance to the residence! 1t
was shocking. I was compelled to
watch her remove a large. yellow roll
from his right-hand trousers .,ocket,
and h deliberately removed the rub
Der band from the bundle and counted
the bills. Did o ever hear of such
awfulness? And such a shocking
strain upon my nerves too!
But these are the drawbacks to
ones profession. OF course. l got the
bureau drawer. turned out the light
and quietly crawled back to bed. Then
waited for a while and got the roll.
But such an amount Of unnecessary
trouble! Fifine. you may prepare me
a little lilac bath this morning.
And then. the impudence Of some
OF those whom we visit! The humili
alton they. me-! l shall narrate
an example. spent the month OF
the Casino balls night. 1 observed
O Philadelphia matron whose Jewels
were really divine. Well, I found then
lying upon her dressing room table 8
few hours later, after she had retired
When I examined them in the morn.
ing-1 blush to confess it-they were
phony: And the horrid woman an.
nounced in the papers that she always
kept phony jewelry on her DRESSING
table at night to befool marauders!
oh. sad, sad!"
Then Fffine announced that the lilac
bath was waiting, and the Interviews
retired.