Aberdeen herald. [volume] (Aberdeen, Chehalis County, W.T.) 1886-1917, 1905-05-08
Humorous

| ITlSeIdloi, Iuitn'
To-day" said the minister. IL think
you'd better take up the collection be-
fore preach my sermon. why so:'
asked the vestryman. I'm gong 10
preach on Economy.
Mrs. Casey-An' plat did tn doc
thor say allied We? Mr.. Casey-Appen-
dicitis. Mrs. Casey-Och. worra. Oi
knew he'd say that if We wore thot
new Sunday suit-Judge.
Papa-How did you get your clothes
so terribly torn: Tommy t"
keep little boy from bein' licked.
Papa-Ah. brave deed. Who was
the little boy? Tommy-Me.
YOU" snorted Miss Sharpe. Marry
YOU? Why. you're only an apology
for a man" But" protested Mr..
Small you will not NO; VIII
not accept the apology. "-Thiladelphia
Ledger.
Il fell over the bulwarkS,' said the
sailor. land the shark came along and
era bbed me by the leg" And what
did you do" Il let him have the leg.
| never dispute with shark. CHI
cago Journal.
AS Shakespeare says" remarked
Cassidy. who was fond of airing his
book larnin'" occasionally. whats in
Nance" Well" replied Casey. "ca'i
Inc wan that OF don't like an Orll
show ye."-Philadelphla Iress.
"Well," snapped Saint Peter. what
have you to say for YOURSELF" Il am
not good man." replied the applicant,
but | didn't 90 about making apollo
,.ics for myself on earth. and | don't
intend to begin now" And he got In.
Now that AIMS age has been thor
oughly discussed. the Council Bluffs
Nonpareil springs this one: "A young
woman goes upstairs to dress at 40
for the evening. She is 10 years OLD
and weighs 1O2 pounds. State the wait
of the man below"
Little Boy want you to write me
an excuse for being late to school yes
terday. Jeweler-Eh? You are not
my son. Little Boy-No, but mamma
says | had plenty OF time to get to
school. so | guess the clock you sold
her doesn't go right
What do you think of her vocal
ability" asked the manager of the
show after the prima donna had
ceased to MARBLE. "Well," replied tho
man who had come in on Il pass, "she
has an admirable voice for destroying
silence. Chicago News.
A well-known judge was standing
at the door of ballroom when very
beautiful woman passed him. What
lovely woman said the Judge, but
so loud that the lady overheard It,
Turning her head, she recognized tho
speaker. And what a good judge"
she said.
Magistrat e-Why did you steal that
ham, Uncle Rastus? Uncle l.astus-
Rekase nah pooh family was starvin',
YOU homer. Magistrate - Family
starving. Ell? But they tell me YOU
own FIVE dogs. Uncle Rastus-Dats
or fack, yo' homer; but All reckon yO
all wudn't 'spect nah family ter cat
dem dawgs.-Chicago Daily News.
One afternoon little Johnny happen
ed to look up and see the moon, and as
he had never seen 1t before in the
daytime. he ran into the house and ex-
claimed "Oh. mamma. I've got
good joke on Cod why, what do
YOU mean, dear" asked the astonished
mother HE forgot to take the moon
in this morning." explained john
Exchange.
NOtorist-Are all the tools in tn,
toolchest? Valet-Yes. sir. MotOrist-
Are all the cushions and laprobes IN
the tonneau? Nalet-Ycs. sir. Motor
ist-Is the tank full of gasoline? Valet
Yes. sir Motorist7yIIave you brought
down all our goggles? Yes, sir. Motor
| ist-Well. run up to my room and
bring the roll of bills out of the top
bureau drawer so that we will have
enough money to pay our fines. Then
we shall be ready to start.
Lawyer-You have taken your oath.
and | want you to answer each Of my
questions honestly. Witness-Yes. sir.
Lawyer-What is your occupation?
Witness am driver. LAWYER
| Do you drive wagon? Witness-No,
sir; / do not lawyer-Now be care
full. and remember that you are on
your oath. You admit that you are
driver: now. honestly, don't You drive
n wagon? Witness-No, sir; | drive
horse-Albany Evening journal.
"My dear" said Miss Flagstaff to
| her country beau. II thought | ought
TO tell you beforehand that I'm som-
nambulist. You might not like to
marry woman who" But the
impatient Mr.. Mccoy cut short her re-
marks, saying: THAT makes no diff
| ference. Caroline-nOne in the world.
I'm Methodist, you know. and | can
go with you to your church in tho
morning and you can 90 with me to
my church at night. "-Lippincott's.
Il never was rebuffed in so peasan
It way as on my last journey" said
Joblots, the commercial traveller late
ly. II was just about to enter an
office when l saw staircase with a
sign, This way for commercial tray.