Aberdeen herald. [volume] (Aberdeen, Chehalis County, W.T.) 1886-1917, 1905-12-21
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Prisoner-Your honor, used to give
your daughter singing lessons. Judge
Twenty years.-New Yorker.
Mother (who is teaching her child
the alphabet)-Now, deare, what
comes after g?' The Child-Whizz!-
Elk.
Where did you put the butter" said
n lady to her colored girl. Done put
it in de freezerator, missus," was the
answer.-Ex
Naggsby-What an excellent car
riage that young man has. Waggsby-
Yep. He's football coach.-Balti-
more American.
He-They say people who marry
soon grow to look alike. She-Then
you must consider my refusal as final.
Chicago News.
Bobby (at dinner table)-Papa, can
l have two pieces of pie? Papa
Sure; just cut the piece you have in
two.-Pittsburg Dispatch.
Dashaway-Do you love that girl
as much as you think you do? Clever
ton-Why, old man, l love her almost
as much as she thinks l do.-Ex.
She-So you really imagine that
smoking benefits you? He-I know it
does. My mother-in-law leaves the
room the minute l light my pipe.-Ex.
James-My lord, the carriage waits
without. My Iord-Without what,
James? James-Without any 'osses,
my lord. 1t is the motor carriage
Elk.
| Customer-Those trousers are too
short for my boy; he'd outgrow them
in five weeks. TallOr-NO danger;
they won't last that long.-Chicago
Journal.
"Why don't you get up and give that
seat to your father, Bobby? Don't 1t
pain you to see him reaching for a
strap?' Not Oh a street car."A-Chi.
cago News.
Jawback-My mothers cooking
Mrs. Jawback-Well, she deserves it.
But didn't think you'd acknowledge
it SO shortly after her death.-Cleve-
land Leader.
She-Are your poems improving
any? He-I judge so. The editor used
to give me ten seconds to get out of
the office. Now he gives me tifteen.-
Chicago News.
How can girl tell whether or not
she is mans affinity?' murmured
Susie. by looking him up in Brad
street." replied Polly. Louisville
CourierJournal.
How much of an estate did he
leave" 1T appears that he died
neither rich nor poor. They estimate
his estate at about two millions.
Cleveland Plain Dealer.
Miss Newlywed-Well,H Henry, how
do you like my pies? Mr.. Newlywed-
Dearest, they are just like the pies
that nay father used to say were not
like his mother used to make.-Ex.
Dumley-What they call preferred
stock is the stock that pays dividends
isn't 1t? Wiseman-Not at all; but ths
stock that does pay dividends is al
ways preferred .-Philadelphia Press.
New Dentist Gn Frozen Dog)-Wil
you take gas? Bronco Bill-Will il
hurt If l don't? Dentist-It will
Bronco Bill-Then, stranger, for YOU
sake l think Id better take it.-I-lfe
THANK YOU" she said, as he finally
gave her his seat in the car, its al
most impossible to stand on your feet.
THAT was because | kept pulling EN-
out of your way, ma'am,' he replied
: Elk.
George-Who was the first one tina
came from the ark when it landed
JOhn-NOah. George-You are wrong
Don't the Good Book tells us tina
Noah came forth; so there must have
been three ahead of him.-New Yorl
Times.
Lumber Yard Lem-I hain't seel
Weary Willie around lately. Sever
League Saunders-No; he's disguised
himself as a college perfessor an Twin
as one O. dem. He's goin' to write :
magazine article on dere lives an hab
its.-Puck.
"Why do you want divorce:" thu
Judge asked. Because | can't lool
at my wife without being tempted t.
commit suicide or murder "Wha
brought about this state of mind"
"She put moth balls in my cigar peck
et." petition granted. Judge.
wasn't trying to commit suicide
Why, she jumped off the end of the
pier into thirty feet Of water and sanl
} like a stone!" II know, but she jus
J explained to the man who rescued hel
that she had learned to swim at cor
respondence school. Post.
what man your father is eX
: claimed Mrs. Fogle, looking up from
the letter in her hond. He says he
has bought French clock. and shall
bring it home with him. What will +
be good for except as an ornament
, None of us can tell the time by it, un
less YOU can, Edith. You know some
thing about French, don't you:'-Bos