davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Las Vegas daily optic. [volume] (Las Vegas, N.M.) 1880-1908, 1905-04-26
A uumorou. Enrlish sheriff.

A sheriff With a fine sense Of humor
was he who, having been reproved by
the Judge Of a certain court for pre-
senting a jury not sufficiently respec-
table, read out at the subsequent ses-
sion the following list. with a suitable
emphasis upon the last names Of the
Jurors: Max King, Henry Prince.
George Duke. William Marquis. Ed
ward Earl, Richard Lord, Richard
Baron, Edmlnd knight, Peter Esquire.
George Gentleman. Robert Woman.
Stephen Pope. Humphrey Cardinal.
William Bishop, John Abbot. Richard
Friar, Henry Monk. Edward Priest and
Richard Deacon. After the laughter
had subsidized the presiding Judge, ac-
cepting the Joke In good part, compli.
mented the witty sheriff upon his clev-
erness.-London Star.
Las Vegas daily optic. [volume] (Las Vegas, N.M.) 1880-1908, 1905-04-26

Europe Got Then From the East
Through the Crusaders.

Europe Go Them From the Ensi
Through the Crusaders.
1t is supposed that the crusaders
brought the idea of using the wind ia
grind corn or raise water back with
them from the east.
Early writers record their wide
spread employment in Europe In the
twelfth century. Beckmann gives an
instance OF one ut Pipewell abbey,
Northamptonshire. In 1143, and we also
read of one. about 1890. at Haberdon.
In Suffolk. Another early instance Of
an English windmill Is that In which
Richard, earl Of Cornwall, took refuge
after the battle of Lewes In 1864. In
the famous song connected with that
event the "sayles" of the "mulne' are
mentioned. showing that II really was
a windmill.
The oldest windmill In Belgium and
probably the Oldest In Europe. the his.
toric Grand Moulin de Silly" was to-
tally destroyed by the great storm at
the end Of January, 1900. after a con-
tinuous existence since the eleventh
century. 1t Is said to have been built
by Otto Won Trazegnies. the crusading
lord Of Silly. In 1O11.-London Stand
ard.
Las Vegas daily optic. [volume] (Las Vegas, N.M.) 1880-1908, 1905-04-26

The various churches of the city
have united in a movement to secure
the services Of the Rev. DIR. Smiley
and his noted singer for a series of
evangelistic services which will ex-
tend over two weeks. The Baptist,
Methodist, Episcopal and Presbyterian
churches will unite their forces in an
~endeavor TO bring Las Vegas under the
influence of the marked religious
movement which has spread owe the
entire country within the last year.
The date selected for the special meet.
ing Ii srom May ed to June 4th. Fur
Their ammo Noement will follow later
with particulars of the arrangements.
Las Vegas daily optic. [volume] (Las Vegas, N.M.) 1880-1908, 1905-04-26
Apple Eating.

A good ripe raw apple Is one of the
easiest substances for the stomach to
manage. and while the apple is worth
as a health giver in its natural
cooked. Apple sauce eaten with pork
assists in the digestion Of the meat
and many persons who cannot cat pork
without discomfort can do so il accom-.
panied with plenty of well cooked ap-
ole sauce not too sweet
Las Vegas daily optic. [volume] (Las Vegas, N.M.) 1880-1908, 1905-04-26

Notice the list of business men, pub
lished elsewhere, that are selling the
Las Vegas Art Souvenir. No: one asks
for a commission. The books are
handled because OF the good they do
Las Vegas when sent outside. Every
stranger should send copies back
home and every citizen should send
them 10 eastern friends. The book
sells for 50 cents put up in ahandsome
envelope. Five cents Is necessary for
mailing.
Las Vegas daily optic. [volume] (Las Vegas, N.M.) 1880-1908, 1905-04-26

+. II. McAtee and r. w. Flynn, base
ball players who were signed by the
Blues. have proven to be scrubs of the
lowest order. After obtaining all the
credit they could from various mer.
chants, they skipped town, beating
their boarding house keeper and their
landlady. II is reported that these
rascals have gone to Colorado with
the idea of signing with some Of the
ball clubs. Baseball managers are
warned to look out for them, as they
are wholly untrustworthy.
Las Vegas daily optic. [volume] (Las Vegas, N.M.) 1880-1908, 1905-04-26

}. Kramer, an elderly Chicago gen.
tleman, who was taken off The train
here last Friday, in very weak con.
dition, died at st. Anthony's yesterday
The body will he shipped back "a Chi,
cago. The man started for Los An.
geles hoping 10 regain his health,
when there was no hope Of his living
two weeks. Someone Numbered very
badly.
Las Vegas daily optic. [volume] (Las Vegas, N.M.) 1880-1908, 1905-04-26

An unknown nan was cut TO pieces
on the Ration mountains yesterday
morning, while attempting 10 catch a
train. The remains. which were scat
around, were gathered together and
taken to a Trinidad undertaken for in.
terment.
Las Vegas daily optic. [volume] (Las Vegas, N.M.) 1880-1908, 1905-04-26

j. B. Shaw Of Albuquerque has ac.
cepted a position as bookkeeper In the
Las Vegas house OF the Armour Pack.
ing company. ]. r. Mcclure has re.
signed from the service of the Armour
company 10 associate himself with his
father at the ice plant.
Las Vegas daily optic. [volume] (Las Vegas, N.M.) 1880-1908, 1905-04-26

j. Minium returned from Trinidad
last evening and reports great deyas.
tation there by the high waters. The
main pipes Of the water works were
washed out and people are required
to pay twenty-five cents a barrel for
water.
Las Vegas daily optic. [volume] (Las Vegas, N.M.) 1880-1908, 1905-04-26

William Lewis, the local wrecking
foreman, lifted at a jack too heavily
this morning and injured himself in
ternally. He was taken out to the
railroad hospital where an operation
may he necessary for hernia.
Las Vegas daily optic. [volume] (Las Vegas, N.M.) 1880-1908, 1905-04-26

John II. York, one OF the most re-.
spected and en~terprising business ien
of Las Vegas, and Prof. X, X. Larkin.
recently elected superintendent Of the
city schools, have been elected 10 fill
two vacancies on the board Of direc
tors OF the Y. M. G. A.
Las Vegas daily optic. [volume] (Las Vegas, N.M.) 1880-1908, 1905-04-26

l.. M, Salisbury, who has the reputa-
ton OF being a carpenter second to
none, has returned to Las Vegas from
Yuma, Arizona and Is showing a jack
plane for J. X. Martin.
Las Vegas daily optic. [volume] (Las Vegas, N.M.) 1880-1908, 1905-04-26

Luck Yea rising at 6 o'clock
every morning; living on half OF your
income, and depositing the other half
with the Plaza Trust and Savings
bank, 1917.
Las Vegas daily optic. [volume] (Las Vegas, N.M.) 1880-1908, 1905-04-26
Make Your Tax Returns.

Deputy assessor N. b. Rosberry has
established an office for the receipt
OF assessment returns for precinct
20 at 613 Douglas Ave. Returns
should be made promptly. BILL.
Las Vegas daily optic. [volume] (Las Vegas, N.M.) 1880-1908, 1905-04-26

Senator r. r. II. Ely and family OF
Kennett. Mo, have taken quarters at
the Monteauma Ranch Resort at Ro-
nero.
Las Vegas daily optic. [volume] (Las Vegas, N.M.) 1880-1908, 1905-04-26

Three trains of soldiers will pass
through for San Francisco this even.
ing and during the night.
Las Vegas daily optic. [volume] (Las Vegas, N.M.) 1880-1908, 1905-04-26

Race Meet.

Enchanted Wood at the Duncan Ia
night.
Las Vegas daily optic. [volume] (Las Vegas, N.M.) 1880-1908, 1905-04-26

Enchanted Wood tonight at the
opera house for the benefit Of st.
Paul's Memorial church.
Las Vegas daily optic. [volume] (Las Vegas, N.M.) 1880-1908, 1905-04-26

DO not fail to see the children per.
form at Enchanted Wood" tonight.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1905-04-09

furst place. Bes.des g1tting even with
me ma got even With Misses Brown by
telling her that her husband coodeut get
into office II be was a 100000 air fur
the people woodent 5ave him at any price.
But / was telling about our trip to the
East. We vus agoing to start-ma and
me wus-on monday morning when a In
yitation come fur ma and Pa to go to
Misses Adams to 7 party on toosday
night after supper Ma declared she
woodent miss that funxiOn fur the world.
So we put or going east til wensday. Ma
had new dress she wanted to spring on
the wlmmin at the party. 1t was green
silk that Pa had bowt at bargin sail
in Kansas Sity. Pa paid AS sence a yard
fur It. Ma said IL tole a living soul how
much 1t cost she would thrash me within
a inch of my Life. ! never tole single
person, but Bud Sinker-hese Sam Sink
ers little bruther-guessed 1t. Yes sir be
guessed the price. exactly tole 9, bunch
how much mas new green silk cost and
they all begun to guess One Kid he said
bet It cost dollars q yard. ! said, onul
dollar. / said, Citing warmer. Then Bob
Eyerts said 70 sence. | said, Pretty
warm A nqther kid spoke up and guessed e
save my life fur the que ssing was Citing
so clost-and | said, onul warm. Then
Bud Sinker yelled OUT, 80 Sence ssiiuJ
burnt up. You see, never tote nobody
Bud guessed it fair and squair Buds.
corker when it comes to guessing. hut
wus telling about our trip to the East.
Ma sent Mag-yOu reckolect Mag Is my
sister-out to Ant Ems to stay while we
WINS gone. Mag whined to go In my
place, but ma said she. meant to send
Mug to q fashinable school in the east
the next fall SO she thoWt orter go on
the trip. 1t proved a good cholse to, FUR
/ wus big Pertecktion TO ma
The mite B-4 me and ma started pa, set
I and ma what to do when we was travel
Inc Pa said talk to no pursen Every
body YOU meet viii have his eye on your
Md keen Il hid. Ma said shucks, don't
von spose that IL ole NJ Uses Skot could
Sit threw without no damage ! can to.
Nh was at worlds fare In Chikogso
once. but that wus before | wus horned,
but i've herd Pa say that she got skinned
every time she batted her eye Pa, he
went to the SAINT Lewis fare and lost a
100 dollars Ma reminds him Of this very
offun. She brings it up at the dinner
table when he begins to talk big about
mn not knowing how TO keep money
After ma Is done talking pa usuilly gifts
eyer Inv skoldng me. 1t is a funnie way
M has. | don't Admire his way.
G-whiz mas called me to supper and
lie have to tell you about our trip to the
east In n nuther letter.
So good buy Hit mu nkey In the eye.
Its good fun, then run.
Your friend and play matt,
uENERY BUNKER.
P S.-There Is anuther letter to foiler.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1905-04-09
A Tragedy in the Wood.
BIZ PUsH.

Ing had happened except a little Injury
that made him angrler than ever. He
tried to sting Billy. but couldn't pierce,
not the "Skeleton In Armor," but the
skeleton-armor of the bug. Billy Beetle.
by elinglng to the body above him. clam
hered to his feet. He had several left
and dashed furionsly at his now blind
tormentor. Selling the thin body with
his pincers. he cut In two again aud
again. The Devil was dying, his legs feel
Ing about almlessly and his sting working
conyulslyely. But don't mourn hopeless
ly. for there were other devils left
BILLY Beetle surveyed his work. and
deemlng .le victory complete. aud being
a vegetarian, went away, his severed legs
causing him at times to walk kind of
sideways.
Then some ants approached. They saw
In the mutllated body OF the Devils
Darnlng Needle some choice steaks. and
grabbing sections several times longer
than themselves, tugged and dragged and
bore them away. This was the end Of
the Great Warrior and the eater of life.
Wasn't It terrible? | don't know why
insects should be SO cruel. Men are not.
Men pen up their prospective meat and
fatten 1t and kill 1t when 1t Is helpless.
SO that they don't lose limbs when pre-
pairing It. But the little savages OF the
wood are not wise like we are, children.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1905-04-09

dast to tell the exact fact to Sam he
would took defence at being called
Gourd he'd. Now, you are joshn, says
Sam, fxin a orange fosfate on the jump
which ! drinked at a gulp fur | knowed
by past experience that the boss wus
lively ole gent and ct his dinner In 20
minits.
But goodness, mercy on usl | begun to
tell Of my travis and ime not yet out of
the Sody Fountin store of my own town.
Well here goesl One Day ma said to Pa
that misses Skot had bin to New york
sity and a hole lot of other places that
ma badent bin to. Ma just cant stand
ole Misses Skot all thow they are. offul
friendly when they meat and shake hands
her own agenst misses Skot in sosiety and
IL she done that she must go to the east
to. Pa said be coodent Oxford the ex.
pense but ma shse knows pas ads,s biz nc SIS
agenst Pas bizness tack and she wun her
side. lie take Henery along, ma said.
Henery that's me. the Boys. all call me
Hank. ! wus that tickled ! thoYt ide
bust. | jest skooted to the base ball
ground and Tole all the kids | WIS a.
going. east. You'd orter seen than KIDS;
Tod Malone, he said, sam hiIl-that III
filed with pure enyiety and said he had
bin in a bigger town an emmy other Teller
thare | asked what town, and Fatty
said Topeker Fatty Is an awful bragger.
but he Hadent any the better of Me fur
Pa was county Representative onct and
he look us all down to Topeker. Ma was
plum tickled to death for she wus ahead
of all the other wimmin what's husbands
dident get into no office. Then jest to
git the upper hand of ma soshelly ole
Misses Skot she up and goes to the East
and seen New York sity. Ma and Pa had
been Borned in Missury and wus never In
the east. | wus horned and raised In
Kansas and am proud Of 1t. On the
Levi | think the Kansas people are the
smartest In the world.
But must tell you Of our trip-mas and
mine-to the east. Ma got me lot OF
nice close and put ON my best suite and
brown said his best suite cost a dollar
morn mine, and when | tole ma What he
said she said his folks Good afford lots OF
things we coodent fur the Brow nses got
everything on credit and never paid their
BILLS | toie Skinny next day at skool
what ma said and skinny shot line
fur Home and blabbed 1t to his una. his
ma didcnt Do a thing but come trompin
over to our house and jumped onto ma
and said If Pa got into office emmy more
we wood be a buying on credit to as Pa
always bought his way In. The of them
had a Bad scrap and after ole Misses
Brown had left ma just about rocked me
bodily ! wisht ma woodest tell me things
and then whip me like holey smoke fur
Repeeting them. All the time Ma was
iayin it on me at 2-40 | numbered who
wood Cog her for telling 1t to me In the
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1905-04-09

where he works il the boss of the joint
amt Within. go In Often but l always
hang round the outside till l see the boss
going fur his dinner or supper, then In
pop5., order furst a strawbury Ice
Cream Sody and wash 1t down with Q
orar~e fosfate, then to take the taste
off my tung calls for a chockolate Ice
Cream Sody. all the Time ime refreshin
myself tell him (him is my sisters sody
Fountain bow what's name is sam
Sinker) tell him all bout my sister sayin
n things bout him. one dsy Maggy-
she IL my s.ster-lnffed at him to bis
back and said he wus a Gourd he'd and
that as soon as cool weather set In she
meant to Civ him the G. b. She don't
care for cooling drinks In winter, but |
90. weather Don't affect my apitite. But
never tole Ssn SInker what she said
about him Being gourd he'd. | moved
Ide never drink at bis Counter agin free
gratis fur nuthlng II did. So Jest
tae.; when you handle folks soze to make
er think they owe you something when
they don't. Ma says its Soshel tack when
you can Make all the Sosiety wjmmin like
YOU at the same time they arc enYying
you till they are green eyed. SO l glt
male and her-male sides Of my paruntage.
/ use both tacks on Sam Slnker and tere-
buy get double interest on my Sody
water orders.
Well, one day | darted in and Took my
akustumed sect on a stnle in front of the
Sody Fountin kounter seen the boss
go out the fro door and at once skoot-
ed In to the side door. | hate meeting
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1905-04-09

Billy Beetle lay on his back In the by
path, kicking his many heels aimlessly
about He had just fallen from limb 80
feet up on the oak growing beside the
path, which is about the same as Il
man should fall down Bridal Wells Falls
In Yosemite. The man would probably
be killed from such fall. but Billy wore
his skeleton on the outside, in the form
Of strong armor and was not even
Jared All that bothered him was that
be couldn't turn over.
A Devils DarnIng Needle approached
him. He was great warrior always
ready for fight. both because his temper
was pitched In that key, aud also that he
obtained his meals in that way. He saw
Billy kicking his heels about In helpless
manner aud concluded he would be a
good subject to fight. So be sprang upon
him, jump that, In proportion would be
like a man haping across city block.
He landed squarely on the top OF Billy.
and in a twinkling had severed two legs.
They didn't bleed 1t is doubtful IL they
hurt very much, but 1t was quite a loss
to Billy nevertheless. He could pinch,
too, and he did. A The first grab one OF
his claws closed over the Devils head,
and with snap of went its Uranium. 1t
would leave boy IN rather a sad condl-
ton If his head should be cut or but
this long creature fought on as IL moth
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1905-04-09

Tad Pole was a funny boy. Such a
little fellow! And he swan In the water
and had a tall at frs: he had no legs,
but he had two little, arms and hands
without .thnmbs. He wasn't bigger than
a minute. @but be was Goig enough to be
happy.
Then heA began. hurting on his sides,
about howSit hurts to ~,ut tooth, and
pretty soon Negs sproutsisand grew. Just
as, limbs grow on trees Funny, wasn't
it? And .whenshe stretched himself In the
water and hung right IN sthe middle of it,
be looked for the worE,slike little boy
ready to dance a. jig, excepl4for that tail,
with which he balainced himself and
Topped himself around when he wanted
to turn. Perhaps with INSTALL he looked
like a norman does, and. of course. you
know how he looks.
One day Table was, Just little Tad
wanted and wanted to go. out on the land
and examine the wonderful things he saw
there. He had never felt that way be-
fore. but there was no, question about
him feelingsso now. He didn't know who
his mamma, was, soshe went ashore with
out asking 1t couldn't feel funnier 10
you when you go In, swimming with the
water like feathers.
Tad hoped about, dragging his tall
behind him." They say the tail helps
kangaroo to hop; but 1t wasn't thai way
with Tad Pole. With him the tail was In
the way. Finally 1T got caught between
two blades of grass, and, with a yank, II
was pulled clean Off. It'didn't hurt, and
when Tad turned to took 1t wasn't bleed
ing, and, behold you'll Nhe wasn't Tad Pole
any longer He knew at once whom he
was. He was Bull Frog.
So he sat on the banksand sang bass 1t
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1905-04-09

April Face and Blue Bell
In the sunny spring
Peeped above the moss and leaves
And heard a robin sing.
But they we're very much surprised
And ducked their heads In fear,
Because they happened to behold
Johnny Jump Up near.
could not hang on to limb.
Said Lodi Kuropatkin,
But gazing at the Pussy Willow.
'Tis plain. she said. the catkin.
would not, said Lee Lemuelson.
Remain out after dark
hardly know what | would do;
Suppose a Dogwood Bark?
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1905-04-09
Hank Bunker's Letter
to the Children.
BYswILLIAM WALLACE. JR.

Jeer boys and gurls: I've bin, a-trayillng
some in these hear United states OF
america and ime a'going toStell you OF
t Funnie things i've saw but furst
leave me tell Of where come frum. line
frum Kansas line a kid ten years old.
ime a boy. woodent be,no CURL for
nuthing. I've got sister. Now that
/ kes me think-my sister Is 16 and has
2 bows. One bow Has A rich Pa and
bow legs. tother bow has red cheeks
and clerks in at a sody Fountain. and Il
be has Pa and Ma | don't no 1t. He
gives me sody water every time go In
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1905-04-09

sounded like throwing stones Into the
water, and Bull was very proud of the
noise he could make. Some boys seem to
be that way. Bull sat on the bank for
half an hour, trying to impress on all
within hearing whom he was, saying Bull
Frog Bull Frogl over and over again
and swelling himself big with wind.
Many a little Tad Of the human race
quits being Tad all of a sudden, and
begins trying to oil the world with his
name, and many big man swells out big
with wind.
But Bull heard noise behind him. His
eyes we're nearly as big as his mouth-he
had strained his mouth In hallooing-and
now bis eyes bulged as he saw a sure
enough boy-a boy that seemed to him
higher than a moIintain-approach with
a stone In his hand. Bull remembered
how safe he used to be In the water
when a little Tnd, and so he gave a fash
OF his heels, and with a PUNK under the
water he went, Tad Pole was gone for
ever, but In moment, from some unseen
place near, the boy-the big boy, the
sure-enough boy-heard, as IL In laughing
mockery, the cry: Bull Frog, Bull Frogl"
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1905-04-09
DIET.

Once there was Thomas cat
Sat close beside hole;
Up to the open placs
A tiny mousie stole.
She peeped about for any crumb
That she might find In sight;
She didn't see old Thomas,
Therefore she felt no fright
She put her head from out the hole.
Then forth she boldly sped
Old Thomas Just reached out paw
And tapped her on the head.
Two hours later mousle's child
Came forth to look for her;
1t saw old Thomas Cat asleep,
And heard him softly purr ~
"oh. Mr.. Thomas. can you tell
Where my mama Is afr
'I'll take you to her, little one,'
Replied old Thomas Cat.
sYour ma got there for dinner,
For supper you viii be;
Just. walk down the red road
That leads to Inside-me'
Was Thomas Cat quite wicked?
AS to that folks don't agree;
We kill to eat, as Thomas did
He's just like you and me.
WILLIAM WALLACE. JR.
Answers to Last Weeks Uranium
Crackers.
The Square:
II 70 A
IL Il
A q
The Diamond
'HHEE.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1905-04-09

Jack-in- the Pulpit. what do you sayf
Isn't it great to be wing todayf
Sometime tor study. and sometime I
play,
And It's time to be grouchy tomorrow.
The Cockscomb and the Larkspur.
The Indian Pipe as well.
Were lost, and upon them
The SHOWS OF winter fell.
But--think how wonderful
In springs early hours
They each and all came into view
In the form of flowers.
Cinderella, while at play
In the forest, found one day
Lady slipper SO minute
1t scarce would lit human foot
But this dainty Cinderella
Donned the Lady Slipper yellow,
And so handsome was, the Queen
OF Fairies hastened to the scene.
Presto Ella was a fay.
And Is thus unto this day.
But the Lady Slipper yellow
Remains to tell Of Cinderella.
AS youth he dressed so fine
He was called the Dandy Line.
fringe OF gold about his throat
Set off the duh green OF bis coat
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1905-04-09

some folks face to face. Sam He saw
me and grinped and wlnked. | grinned
and winked back at him. What Is 1t
today, asks Sam. ! give order an Sam
leans over and says Hows miss Maggy.
Finern silk. says l. She wus talking
about you at dinner. Oh. come or, says
Sam, haniing me a glass running over
with sweet fome what he had made in
a City. What did she say, he asks, stick
Ing two straws In my glass and grinning
till could counted his jaw teeth.
Tapped OF the butiful fome then / sed,
She says you are her mash. dldent
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1905-04-09
OUR TAD.

There are a million babies,
But just one,
All our own;
And a thousand are as handsome,
Yet we love our own far better
Than the best.
We are poor, but wouldn't sell him
For the gold
Our house would hold;
And he makes rs lots of trouble,
But we wouldn't do without him
For all rest.
He doesn't know a language
But his cries;
Yet his eyes
Kindle with light that lightens
All our hearts and homes, and brlghtens
Night aud day;
And his hands are very clumsy.
But each act,
For q fact,
Seems to us thing most wondrous,
And we'd hate 10 have Our Baby
Go away.
CHARLES LINCOLN PHIFER.