The Glenwood post., 1905-07-29

on one occasion when he saw that the
princess was not hearing me distinctly
he said softly to me, Mr.. Wilder.
kindly turn your face toward the prin-
cGas'
A Polite Princess.
| And her royal highness is as tactful
as he. The audience at a special en-
tertainment given the shah Of Persia
In London included the most distin-
gulshed and wealthy people in the city.
| was among those engaged to enter
tain the shah, beside whom sat the
princess now Queen Alexandra). AS
his Persian majesty was ignorant of
the English language, 1t was not
strange that he held his programme
upside down. This might have occa-
stoned a laugh and caused the shah
some modification had not the prin
cess deftly turned her own programme
upside down and kept 1t SO during the
performance.
Croker and the Clock.
During one of my visits to Richard
Croker at Vantage his son Bert was
fond of getting up early in the morn
ing to hunt mushrooms, and in order to
be awakened he would set an alarm
clock. Early morning" in England
and at that season Of the year was
| from to o'clock, for dawn comes
much earlier than with us. His father
did not wish him to arise so early, so
he would go softly into Bert's room
and turn of the alarm, to assure II full
nights sleep for the boy. The fact
that he could not hear the alarm wor-
| ried Bert so greatly that he placed the
clock directly over his head. hanging it
to n string from the ceiling. But even
in this position Mr.. Croker succeeded
in manipulating it, and he gleefully
told me Of it at the time.
Before starting from London for
Vantage one day Mr.. Croker asked me
to go to furniture dealer with him;
he had some purchases to make. AS
we entered the place he said to me,
We've only half an hour in which to
catch the train" But the way he
bought furniture did not make him
lose the train. He would say, pointing
to II dresser:
How much is thatr'
''SiX guineas, sir"
give me six Of them."
Pointing to another:
How much is that one?"
give guineas, sir
"Well. seven of those" and so on.
With such rapid fire, even though he
expended more than a thousand dol
-. 1 a..
was ample time to catch the train.
The Incident though slight in itself. is
Indicative of his quickness Of decision,
but 1t so utterly upset the dealer, ac-
customed to English delberaton, that
he begged permission to wait until
next day to prepare an ltemized bill.
Past Masters Of Sarcasm
l went one day into London res
taurant where great many people
We're dining, yet absolute silence pre-
vailed instead Of the buzz of chatter
| and laughter OF French or American
restaurant. l asked a waiter:
Doesn't any one ever laugh here"
Yes. SIR" he replied. Sometimes
we ave complaints, sir"
The first natives to nccost an Amer
lean are the "cabbies," and they are a
never failing source of amusement to
me. They abound in natural wit and
are past masters of sarcasm. One of
the s''arpest bits l ever heard was told
about an old cabby and one of his
younger fellows. The former was IA
master of whip and rein. He boasted
that he knew every foot OF London and
declared that, although he had been in
many tight places. he had never failed
to drive out smoothly. One day. how
ever he lost control of his horse and
ran into young cabby's outfit. The
younger man looked him over conde-
scendingly, contemptuously, and then
asked:
"Well? An 'ow do you like Lon
don?"
A friend of mine once took cab
drawn by an animal which was bony
In the extreme. The driver has hailed
by the Jehu Of passing cab with:
"Oi saiy, Bill, I see yer goin' to ave
a new 'orse."
100 told yer so?''
IVY, l see we got the framework
there"
he MeIciful Policeman.
Every summer when | revisit Eng
land some old acquaintance is sure to
say, Mr.. Wilder, those stories you
told last year are awfully funny" 1t
has really taken him about year to
get at the points Of the various tales.
He doesn't lack appreciation Of humor.
but he is so accustomed to having 1t
| A..
puzzled when 1t appears in new
form. One day l told an English au-
dience about New York's fire depart.
ment and its methods. Great interest
was manifested, SO l ventured to tell
the old story of a fire in an india rub
ber factory. This factory was large.
tall building, and when the alarm of
fire was given one of the employees