The sun., 1905-10-01
c)EBUt Ar tlir
D BOARDING HOUSE



iooA slahed b~svily ~ h~ plufnped hlfrself
vs'~si car
Say. why don't you split thai cuTd NJ
sficf Into job lo's ard suc'ion " oH'' In
1uired tho acquaintance WIN hsppenei 70
in sitting opposite
Cant help ~ weariiy replied ,bs do
pressei Iookins man. 'Thcss dshUts arc
sure driving mo 90 rum.snd-sum. They
are atrophying my aortsI artery for sure
and certain thing That's what
'Debuts, bey'' commented the acquAin-
tancs. you're olawy looking crnstscssn
10 he making q debut Just nlter that,
will you. and lot s in''
well tbeee butt-ins, thsu, muttercd the
underfed looker. with another dismal sigh.
'These boarding house butt-ins. Tbess
boarding house all around introductions,
II you can't understand plain English.
-I'ye got to stack up against another OF
them this evening. In about three -quarters
of an hour from now ri Be taking my frst
dinner at q nsw boarding house. and that
means that I've got TO 90 through the same
old ordeal Of being handed around by tbs
landlady TO the whole bunch and presented
to them.
There's no tagging or ducking n. You
can't go on staying away from meals until
the whole outfits finished eating, because
you can't stand the cold meals and the sour
looks Of the servants, and, anyway, If you
don't show up for meals while some OF the
rest Of 'em are eating the word'l get around
the house that you're q noted crook, lying
low and under cover, and engaged In tho
manufacture Of silver dimes and quarters
in your room, or that you've got such
continuous performance bun on that you
daren't trust yourself at the table before
other folks.
.The only way went on the depressed
looking man, sadly, lis to prance right up
to the firing line at the outset and take
your little dose. But It's hard-mortal
hard. And It doesn't become any less hard
for the boarding house victim ~ tho years
slide away.
well. you skate into the dining room,
after walking up and down your room for
half an hour, trying to get yourself edged
, up to the ordeal. and you try to look hull
heap Indifferent. You don't look at any
OF the other boarders, but by the time you
make the chair that the grinning waiter
girl has pointed out to you you feel positive
that you've got more feet than any Gin
galese centiped that ever climbed . cinna-
mon tree, and enough hands for the entire
working force Of carpet factory.
Your throat is as hot and dry a. II you'd
been on an unbroken absinthe toot for four
days running there's q numbness at the
back Of your head as II you'd been gnawed
there by Gila monster, and your spine
Is as cold as the for ard oapstan Of gunboat
in the Bering Sea. Meanwhile, you know
perfectly we'll that the nudging and the
kicking under the table is going right on.
"You know that the pair Of mischievous
looking, twinkling eyed girls, who some-
how or other remind you Of grass widows.
at the other end Of the long table are saying
to themselves, That one good looking. eh?
And interesting! oh me. oh myl Good
ness gracious sakes alive! Did you ever
see such poppy eyes and such stringy hair
on q human being In your lhe?
And so on. And then when the waiter
girl fetches your soup and you try to take
your first gulp Of 1t, your Adams apple
feels as big as the egg Of a great aux.
while you don't exactly zee it, you know
that the men at the table arc exchanging
grins with one another, and that when they
get up to their rooms for smoke together
they'll give you the hoot and say to one an
other, Say, die get next to. the hamhanded
Razzazzis that's taken the third floor back,
and the rumdum way he acted when he
loped into the dining room and toppled
into his seat2 Looked like he'd just got
over a dose Of the juniper berry willies.
hey?-and her poor old innooentlets that
runs this plant was telling US that when this
hankypank turned up we'd all have to take
the mat for the full count. Hal hal hal
1T is just at this stage Of 1t. when you are
thinking about what bully time after all
Door old Robinson Crusoe and Dan1 Boone
and the rest Of those isolated old dodgers
had Of it, that the landlady emerges from
the kitchen, where she has been supervising
the dishing up OF the dinner. and, fixing you
with a stony smile. tips you OF that the
miserablest part Of the performance IL about
to begin.
"Humph-uh' she begins, SOS to attract the
attention Of all hands. who have already,
after their first inspection. dropped
you as q wholly unsatisfactory, not to
say suspicious, proposition: 'Mr.-er-er-'
and she tries hard to remember your name,
and gets red and nustered because for the
Judkins, i want to make you known to
sshe starts Oh with the row Of srinners
and the understandable kickors right across
the table from your seat, and then goes
up and down tho line.
~Mr. Heapmuch-superintend shoe
door at Shodem's-you've seen him there,
no? Miss Fishfaos-Fishfaoes Of Della.
ware, y'know--and the Miss Gigglerinos
they're 80 musical-do you play or singh
and Mr. Funnycub-you've heard Of him,
the mandolin player, you know, with that
glee club that--I can't remember where It
came from-and Mrs. Cunningthing, widow
of-you remember, yes?-' and that's the
way it goes, up and down the rows around
the tables.
sAnd all the time you're nodding and
simpering like q mushhead, and you feel
like s1e different kinds Of fools, and you
know that you look like twioe that many
And when It all over, and you resume your
seat at the long table, you feel like porch
climber who's been hiding out for month
In hop joint.
and here's where get OF, and I've rot
to 60 through all o. that IN just twenty two
minutes from now = t. .-
~. .