davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1905-10-12
Good. But Wrong Kind.

Minister (mildly)-l've been wanting to
see you, Mr.. Kurd, in regard to the quality
Of milk with which you are serving me,
Milkman (uneasilyl-Yes, sir.
Minister VERY mildlyl-I only wanted to
say, Mr.. Kurd, that | use the milk for die
tary purposes exclusively, and not for chris
t~enjng.-Stray Stories.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1905-10-12

Jimmy-You're in fer it, all right. De
boss is red hot!
Johnny-Gee! l didn't know he was
dead!-Cleveland Leader.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1905-10-12

VI NcN Iolh, dlSo
trustee of the Sol
diers' Home at Bath,
n. Y, writes
Gentlem en: AS
many of my friends
have used Doan's Kid.
ney Pills and have
been cured of kidney
and bladder troubles,
l feel it my duty tc
recommend the medi.
cine. From personal
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1905-10-12

experience I know Doan's Kidney Pills
will cure Inflammation of the bladder,
having experienced relief the second
day of using the medicine.
(Signed) j. A. GOULDEN.
Sold by all dealers. so cents a box.
Foster-Milb burn Co Buffalo, N. Y.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1905-10-12
Sentimental,

"She was a woman" said the ,poetical
boarder, whose beauty turned mems hearts
to fire."
"And their necks to rubber, | suppose, =
added the prosy old bachelor.-Chicaso
Daily News.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1905-10-12
CONGRESSMAN GOULDEN.
Finds Quick Relief from Bladder Troubles
Through Doan's Kidney Pills.

Hon. Joseph A. Goulden, member OF
Congress representing the 18th District
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1905-10-12
FREE BOTTLE
e 1915

1874 FREE BOTTLE lUl4o
Send this coupon with your name and
address and druggists name, for a free bottle
of Mull's Grape Tonic for Stomach and
Bowels to
NUNS GRAPE Tonic Co, 147 Third Ave,
Rock Island, Ill.
Gtpe Full Address and Write Plntniu.
The 81. 90 bottle contains nearly three times
the SOC size. At drug stores.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1905-10-12

The genuine has a date and number
stamped on the lahel-take no other from
your druggist.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1905-10-12

A woman OF wealth, recovering from
a serious Illness n morning. called
for an egg, which she ate with much
enjoyment. AS she passed back the
cup and plate to her nurse, she said:
"An egg is a delicious thing" Then,
with much melancholy: What a pity"
she added, sit is SO common among
the poor"
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1905-10-12
Woman's Way.

Honpeck-I tell you, my Henrietta
always means what she says.
Jenkins-Gee Whiz! wish my wife
did.
"Why, that's strange. Doesn't she
$1,000 y, ..| |" I M
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1905-10-12

Prof. Bailey, of Yale university, says
that in the town in which he spent his
childhood there was a society of women
who were active mar haters.' On one
occasion the president prepared a pa
per presenting the strength of women
and the weakness of men, entitled,
woman: Without Her, Man Is Help
less" To strengthen her point she hired
q decrepit old man to read the paper be-
fore the regular weekly meeting of the
club. When the time came the old man
stood up, and, reading from the manu-
script. loudly announced his title as
woman Without Her Man Is Help
less"
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1905-10-12

A teacher in a boarding school was
giving his pupils a lesson on the circum-
locution of the blood. "If l stand on
my head, by the way of an illustration,
the blood rushes to my head, doesn't
it," Nobody c~ontradicted him.
"Now," he continued, when l stand on
my feet, why doesn't the blood rush into
my feet?" Because" answered a
daring youth, your feet Amt empty"
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1905-10-12
RECENTLY RELATED.

Once when Nine. de Maintenon, who
had risen from the gutter to grandeur,
was looking pensively in the golden pool
at Versailles, her companion noting
the fish in the crystal water, observed:
How languid the carp are" YES" re-
piled the famous beauty, with a sigh,
they are like me; they miss their
mud"
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1905-10-12

"Nct at all. Whenever she says
she says she wants "a little money
she means much money. '"--Philadel-
phia Ledger,
Monroe City Democrat. (Monroe City, Mo.) 1888-1919, 1905-01-05
Reflections of a Bachelor.

Some men like made over
dishes and widows.
It's awful nice the way girl
wears a veil that makes her
lips look so moist and kissa BILE.
Nowadays people are so
afraid of being hard on children
that they give them not only
castor oil but Sunday school
lessons in capsules.
When a woman can't find any
thing else to worry about she
can do it about whether the
baby is going to wear sideburn
whiskers when he grows up.
1t makes a man good deal
OF cynic to dream he is a bach
elor at poker party in the
club and then wake up and find
it is the day be has to go and
buy his Christmas presents for
the family.-New York Press.
Monroe City Democrat. (Monroe City, Mo.) 1888-1919, 1905-01-05
Brother Dickey's Sayings

De worl' would be brighter an
better eff Cha rity-"d keep so
close ter de fire IN de winter
time.
Trouble is sometimes a bless
in in disguise, Some folks
wouldn't be happy at all onless
day had somepiu' ter growl
over.
No matter howCrough de road
ter heaven is. you'll feel all de
mo- lax enjoyin' yo' res wen
you gifts dar Atlanta Constitu-
tion.
Monroe City Democrat. (Monroe City, Mo.) 1888-1919, 1905-01-05
For the Young Housewife,

The young housekeeper will
be interested in a series Of pa
pers on The Making of a
Housewife" beginning in the
January number of the The
Delineator in which useful
housewifely knowle ledge is en-
bodied in such entertaining form
that one is likely, to forget that
she is studying domestic mat
tiers. Other topics in the same
number that will appeal to the
housekeeper, are illustrated
centre pieces for New Year s
Day and beverages for the hol-
idays attractively served, cakes
for New Years gifts also illus
trated and number of recipes
for novel refreshments for the
holiday season.
Monroe City Democrat. (Monroe City, Mo.) 1888-1919, 1905-01-05
Bad Plight.

j Chicago, Dec. 31.-While con-
siderable comment was created
lin local railroad circles by the
Testimony of w. B. Biddle,
freight traffic manager of the
santa Fe, regarding the "busi-
mess reason tor giving the Col.
Dorado Fuel and Iron company a
|prohibitively low rate much
more comment was occaSioned
! by the fact that Paul Morton,
now Secretary of the Navy of
the United States of America,
was vice president in charge of
traffic on the Santa Fe up to a
few months ago.
While Mr.. Morton is supposed
to look after the navy in the
cabinet, he has been a leading
figure in furthering President
Roosevelt's plan of rate res
It ct onw her eby a
railroad cannot do what the
Santa Fe did according to Mr.,
.Biddle, without mourning the
most severe penalties which
would be inflated without loss
of time.
Monroe City Democrat. (Monroe City, Mo.) 1888-1919, 1905-01-05
Good Time.

Monday would have been the
9Th anniversary of Mr.. and Mrs.
Abel Boarmans wedding but as
a good many of the young
people had to return to their
studies that day, the date was
set up to Friday eve. They en-
tertained sixty of their friends
by giving a parlor dance and
serving oysters Out of the
twenty that stayed until morn
16 had to bunk on the floor.
Those who attended from here
we're: Mrs. Susan e. Boarman
and daughter, Miss Ella, Miss
Jessie Maddox. and Messrs
Fred McClintic, Hunter Ander-
son, Gene, Alexis and Alphonzo
Montgomery, Theo Hardesty.
Andrew Grimm, Earl Mudd,
Will Pike, and Misses Juliet
Maddox, Leila Hayden. Belle
Elliott, Bessie Hays, Anna Lou
Yates and from Center, Lora
and Beulah Christian.
Monroe City Democrat. (Monroe City, Mo.) 1888-1919, 1905-01-05
Good MaximS for Men and Women

Chicago Journal: When a
woman says she wouldn't mar
ry the best man alive she
speaks the truth; she could not
get him.
Tomorrow" is the reef that
has cost the lite of many a bust
ness man.
If every woman's face was
her fortune there would be a
run on the veil market.
Justice might take your part,
but injustice takes your all.
Too many irons IN the fire eat
up much expensive coal.
Don't take polite acknowl-
edgement for an encore.
The man who jumps at con-
illusions usually tails with them.
Curiosity oftimes hides be-
hind the mask of solicitude.
Everything comes to him who
waits, except the waiter.
When you are arguing with a
fool, 0just remember the fool is
doing the same thing.
Monroe City Democrat. (Monroe City, Mo.) 1888-1919, 1905-01-05
A SUGGESTION.

We do not suppose that you
have forgotten the condition of
the weather recently. That is
what caused one Of the rural
route carriers to request US to
offer the patrons of routes, his
suggestion. Some time when
the day is like that of Tuesday.
scatter some pennies and up-
stamped letters in your box and
then after your fingers are numb
pennies and letters good and
cold, pull of your gloves and
try picking them up one by one"
1t is, or appears to be a small
matter, but for a man already
cold and several miles drive
ahead of him, the performance
means more than it looks to be
at the first glance. Try it and
see.
Monroe City Democrat. (Monroe City, Mo.) 1888-1919, 1905-01-05
Great

One of the most enjoyable and
greatest social functions of the
season, was the ball given by
Mercantile Club at the Opera
House Friday eve. The Zielers
orchestra of Kansas City tur.
nished the music which was said
to be the best ever made in the
Opera House. Only those hav-
ing special invitations were ad-
mitted to the floor but quite a
number of the citizens bought
tickets for the gallery to enjoy
the music.
Monroe City Democrat. (Monroe City, Mo.) 1888-1919, 1905-01-05
BASKET BALL GAME.

AS the young gentlemen were
not gallant enough to let the
ladies win the game of basket
ball played at the Court of Hon
or hall, the young ladies in fine
fettle and on their mettle splay-
ed the boys Friday night at
Smiths hall, and In spite of ev-
cry effort made by the boys,
the girls defeated them by a
score of 65 to 63.
Monroe City Democrat. (Monroe City, Mo.) 1888-1919, 1905-01-05
0, Missouri!
s.s.-s.s.s!..s....-i.-I.s.s.-s.s.s.E.s..i.4

o, Missouri Mlzzoo, I'm weeping for you
My tears are falling like rain.
I'm sobbin'-boo hoo o. Missouri, Mzzoo
My heart is nigh broken with pain
On you I've relied with a whole lot of pride
And counted you safe from the fray;
But 0, what slide-why mighty near died
AT seem you wander away.
o, state of my birth you've squelched all the mirth
And made me feel lonesome and blue
Though wander the earth, of all joy there's dearth
O. tickle Missouri, Mizzoo
have always avowed that of you was proud
But this is blow to my pride
I'm sobbiu' aloud, and my spirit is cowed
To think that you'd ever backslide
You have wandered away from the old path to day.
And you'll find that the plckin is poor
You'll find it don't pay-do you catch what saw?
Your friends will bunco you sure
When on husks you must dine in company of swine
Just recall what whisper to you;
For the old ways you'll pine and you get back in line
Repentant Missouri, Mizzoo!
o. Missouri it's tough! You were quite old enough
To know lot better than that.
But you swallowed the guf-O Missouri its rough
To have our hopes all busted fiat
But Missouri Mizzoo weer ookr' for you
To come back again to the told.
And the day that you do, what hullabaloo
Wen raise when your form we behold.
WILL NJ. MAUPIN, in the Commoner.
Monroe City Democrat. (Monroe City, Mo.) 1888-1919, 1905-01-05

Mrs. Abe Bird. of Quincy,
was called to this city Friday
morning by the serious illness
of her father, Capt. W. Hamil-
ton Bird.
Monroe City Democrat. (Monroe City, Mo.) 1888-1919, 1905-01-05

Mr.. and Mrs. D. r. Campbell
visited the homefolks in Palmy-
IA the latter part of last week,
Monroe City Democrat. (Monroe City, Mo.) 1888-1919, 1905-01-05

Miss Zenia Wunch Of Hauni-
bal has been the guest of rela-
tives here.
Monroe City Democrat. (Monroe City, Mo.) 1888-1919, 1905-01-05

81. w. Wood and wife went to
Palmyra Saturday. to visit
friends.
Monroe City Democrat. (Monroe City, Mo.) 1888-1919, 1905-01-05

Miss Marguerite Danley. of
Golden. Ill.,, is visiting her
cousin, Mrs. Joseph Smith. of
Ely.
Monroe City Democrat. (Monroe City, Mo.) 1888-1919, 1905-01-05

Miss Sallie Ragsdale of Shell
bina came dqwa Saturday to
visit friends.
Monroe City Democrat. (Monroe City, Mo.) 1888-1919, 1905-01-05
BRIGHT JEWELS
WORTH READING.

From the Atlanta Constitution.
LOVE IN DEATH
The man there, lying under the
His blind eyes sealed to the
lights of Cod
Did he know of the flower the
woman kissed
And left on his grave, in the
ghost gray mist?
(To me this riddle
Of Love read clear
Would you be a dead mans
Sweetheart, dear0
He had prayed the woman his
whole life long:
A kiss for a cross-a flower for
songw
Yet bis starved soul went to it's
final rest,
And the flower fell dead on his
dreamless breast!
(To me this riddle
Of Love read clear
Would you keep a Fl over
For a dead man, dear.
But 10, a wonderful sigh-a
a tone
Or the Winds voice seemed
like a human moan!-
And the flower, it trembled with
passion feeting:-
Through the dust was the heart
of the dead man beating?
Go me this riddle
OF Love read clear:
Does Love forgive
In the grave, my dear?
Wisdom is mostly in lookin'
wise. en- lettln' de fools split de
kindlin' wood.
Nobody has ter go to look fer
Trouble. Hits most inginrully
settin' on de doo'step AKIN fer a
nights loggin'.
I amt worryin' myself bout
whar de worl' gwin ter. How
not ter slip off wen it turns
roun' is what gets me.
De sayin' is, de devil takes
care err his own" l don't know
how true dat is, but certain er
one thing, en- dat is-he never
let's 'um want fer fire in de wint.
er time.
Dey say. Politics, like Power.
ty makes stra nge bedfelers, but
de wise polertician keeps his
eye open, en- he kin git along
wild mighty little sleep.
Monroe City Democrat. (Monroe City, Mo.) 1888-1919, 1905-01-05

A man who had had seven
wives, in his day and tire com
United suicide aftG .ue death
of his latest. He lett a note
saying: II couldn't live with
out them" On this story
Brother Dlckey made this com
ment: "Ef de devil don't
snatch him baldheaded befo'
he gifts dar, what a hair-pullin
time dar'll be in heaven.
Monroe City Democrat. (Monroe City, Mo.) 1888-1919, 1905-01-05

Don't worry the weathe
From broad east to west;
But thank God for sunshine
The rain needs a rest!
Monroe City Democrat. (Monroe City, Mo.) 1888-1919, 1905-01-05

THE minister prayed that
the baby would eventually be-
come missionary, and what do
you reckon its father said?"
Cant imagine
{" Bless his little soul, he's
fat enough to eat right now I"
Rosebud County news. [volume] (Forsyth, Mont.) 1901-1906, 1905-11-02

On next Tuesday, Nov. 7, elections
will be held in seven states and in a
number of the larger cities. The polit-
ical situation presents complicated
condition. Time was when the ''grand
old party of Lincoln" and the "princi-
piles of jefferson" formed the dividing
lines, but since the investigation of the
insurance companies have made such
revelations and the mal-appropriation
of public funds by private officials
have been discovered in some of our
cities ruled by ring, men have come
to think more for themselves and de-
pend less on the prediction promise
OF the ''spread eagle" order.
Rosebud County news. [volume] (Forsyth, Mont.) 1901-1906, 1905-11-02
We have heard numerous complaint

We have heard numerous complaints
from stockmen, who are compelled to
cross stock on the bridge, of the lack of
suitable corral at its northern ex-
tremity. 1t seems that they have great
difficulty in keeping within the re-
quired number of stock in crossing
from the north to the south side, and
yet the sign is there imposing a fine
should they exceed given number.
But they cannot keep stock, especially
horses and cattle, from stringing onto
the bridge in numbers greatly in ex-
cess of the number allowed by law
owing to the lack of suitable corrals.
1t appears to the News that money
spent in an improvement of this nature
would be great saving to the people,
as when horses or cattle get onto the
bridge in great numbers they are sure
to rack it to certain extent each time,
and although our bridge is a we'll
built one, in time such operations are
bound to make an impression. Take
the matter up with your commissioners.
Rosebud County news. [volume] (Forsyth, Mont.) 1901-1906, 1905-11-02

Norway and Sweden, much to the
discontinue of Russia, may it be said,
have settled their long pending diff
Guilty and Prince Charles of Denmark
has been crowned King of Norway,
and will reign as Haakon VII, sue
ceeding Haakon vi, who was the last
independent King of Norway. The
car has desired to become the pro-
tector of this country, but the Norweg-
ians were averse to paying homage to
other than one of their own choosing,
and it has been far from the mind of
any right thinking Norwegian to be-
come Russian subject and become
embroiled in the tumult of discomfort
that is filling Russia.
Rosebud County news. [volume] (Forsyth, Mont.) 1901-1906, 1905-11-02
.s,TWAS A NOBLE JOKE"

In the last Golfers Mr.. Dooley gives
his opinion on the insurance investiga-
ton in his own inimical way, and
speaks of the way in which Mccall
made use of the New York Life funds
as ''Noble Joke Dooley's satire is
irresistible and convincing in the
following extract:
docs vicious ligislachure seek to
desthroy tn boolwarks iv our liberty,
which is life insurance, we sind thin
bunch iv tn pathriotic leaflets issued
be tn Threasury Department, an they
desist ontil their hotel bills comes due
agin. AT Albany, at Harrisburg, at
Springfield, at livery cintre of sedition
have gallant little Spartan band
sthampin' out tn vipers. TIL comp'ny
supplies tn stamps. Whin tn Bryan
craze ar-rose an thritened tn very
heart iv' our raypublic-th' dollar
who sthud betwane fair Columbya an
thin that wud despoil her? On'y me.
McGaul, that's all. Onaided an
alone, without askin clint firm amy
man, wint at wanst to tn threasurer
Nv tn comp'ny. "Bill," says l, "have
we much money in tn drawer" "a
good DEAL" says he. "Does amy iv
1t belong to We or me?" says l. About
five dollars" says he. "Thin," says
l, ''sind tn r-rist over to the Raypub-
1ican Campaign Comitay," l says.
9TH nations honour must and shall
be preserved, saysI. An Gentlemen,
tn joke iv it was, that half tn money
belonged to dimmycrats. Wasn't that
guide wan though? Haw, haw!
There they were out West losin' their
jobs an havin' their morgedges FORE
closed all FIR tn love iv Bryan, an
here was their money down east fghtin'
agin thin. They bate thimsilves. An
they didn't know it. Twas a noble
joke. can hardly keep firm laughin
now to think iv it. An Their We ar-re,
gintlemen, on me sacred wurrud i,
houour-what? That's the same as
sayin' over tn left? Oh, very well.'
Rosebud County news. [volume] (Forsyth, Mont.) 1901-1906, 1905-11-02
Come in Today

Beautiful, strictly new and high
grade, in all the different woods that
are known to piano builders, pianos
having the endorsement of the most
eminent artists and the trade, are now
being offered at the wholesale price by
Orion Bros, at the piano store in rear
of Merchants Bank in the Longley
block. If you wish to take advantage
of this special sale you should do so at
once as we will be here but a very
short time. ORION BROS.
Rosebud County news. [volume] (Forsyth, Mont.) 1901-1906, 1905-11-02

made life more perilous to him each
day. The car has issued an imperial
manifesto giving to his people many
long sought privileges. Among these
are included the freedom of the press.
the rights of assembly and the immun-
ity of the person, including the rights
of habeas corpus. The actual condl-
ton of affairsi in the Russian interior
is not known, but all reports express
the situation as being most alarming.
Rosebud County news. [volume] (Forsyth, Mont.) 1901-1906, 1905-11-02
FOR SALE

Homestead 100 acres, 800 decided
railroad land-64O acres leased-all
under good fence, good nine room
house, corrals and sheds. ditch under
construction, 800 tons good hay. Good
range on both sides of the river. Lo'
Gated 1S miles from Forsyth on Rose
bud river valley. Address,
Mont. BRAY, Forsyth, Mont.
Rosebud County news. [volume] (Forsyth, Mont.) 1901-1906, 1905-11-02
A Little Effort Each rlonth

Will secure a strictly first class,
high grade, brand new piano, now at
less than wholesale rates. Come in
today and look into this matter before
it is too late. Store open evenings, at
rear of Merchants Bank in the Long.
ley block, Forsyth.
Rosebud County news. [volume] (Forsyth, Mont.) 1901-1906, 1905-11-02

Romanhoff, the autocrat in Russia,
will be succeed by Witte as Minister
president. Emperor Nicholas did not
of his own free will make this surren-
der but was compelled to act by the
fast increasing riots and uprising that
Rosebud County news. [volume] (Forsyth, Mont.) 1901-1906, 1905-11-02
Dress Goods

We take pardonabe pride in offering to
our customers line of we'll selected dress
goods. You cannot duplicate them for
the price, neither can you find goods finer
in texture or more tasteful in color.
Rosebud County news. [volume] (Forsyth, Mont.) 1901-1906, 1905-11-02

Hardware

Hardware
We can interest you if you have needs
in the Hardware line. We carry full
line of everything that can be purchased
from the catalogue house.
The Barre daily times. (Barre, Vt.) 1897-1959, 1905-02-25
DANES AND DAUGHTERS.

It is said Mrs. Astor wore nearly
100000 worth Of diamonds at the bah
recently given by her.
Nine. Patti viii sing at a concert in
st. Petersburg for the benefit Of the
Russian wounded She made her first
great success In that city.
Miss Jessie A. Voorhees,. daughter Of
DR.. Edward b. Voorhees,. director Of
the New Jersey horticulture expert
ment station, holds the position Of hor-
ticulturist and is doing very efficient
work
Mrs Alfred Chaplin Of New York is
believed to own the finest collection Of
black diamonds ID the country. Most
OF AIRS. Chapin's sable gems came from
the province Of Bahia, Brazil, and
nearly all are Of exceptional beauty.
Miss Mary Gillette of Stowe. w.t.. is
the possessor Of an heirloom That Is de-
serving OF mention It is d sampler
that was worked n the year lT00 by
Mary Kingston. who afterward became
the mother Of General Greene of Reyo-
lutionary fame.
Lady Rachel Byng. daughter Of the
Earl Of Stratford, conducts a school for
millinery for gentlewomen. where a
training is given both for those who
wish TO start In business for them
selves and others whose only interest is
to make their own hats.
Mrs. Ingeborg Nelson, mother of Unit
ed States Senator Knute Nelson of Min
neapolis. is over ninety years old, but is
still in good health and spirits and
passes much of her time carding and
spinning wool, an art which she
learned as a child In the mountains Of
Norway.