davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Los Angeles herald., 1905-02-27
RIunders of the Wee Ones

The Christmas number of the Schot-
master contains a delightful collectio
of "howlers' and other amusirg
answers given by children either i
class or at examinations, says the Lon
don Chronicle.
Out of so many good things 1T is diff
ficult to select, but certainly the answer
of the boy to the question why David
preferred to be a doorkeeper in the
house of the Lord-"Because If he was
doorkeeper he could walk outside
deserves eternal fame.
A confused recollection of different
texts and facts is shown in many good
answers, such as that Of the boy wfS>
spoke of the man who went down firm
Jerusalem to Jericho, and as he was a.
ing down thorns sprang up and cholSd
him." while still more mixed" NUT
have been the mind Of the child wlo
wrote, LAS Elijah went up to heavei,
he dropped his mantle, and Queen Elz-
abeth walked over it,"
The difficult and often obsolete worts
frequently used in the Bible are a
source of many amusing errors amofg
children. The seventh commandment
was translated by one mite of Yeas
into, Thou shalt not kick a duckery''
while an Irish boy explained that tie
Bible declared that all turned in!o
animals on the faith of the text "Hc
that humbleth himself shall be ex-
alted, and he that exalteth himself
shall be a baste!"
A scholar of asked why Moses took
off his shoes in the presence of the
burning bush gave as a novel exDla-
nation: PLEASE, sir, to warm 'ees feet"
Some of the definitions are extremely
good:
Etc is a sign used to make believe
you know more than you do
1.-The equator is a menagerie lin
running around the center of tie
earth"
"The zebra is like horse, onF
striped and used to illustrate the let
ter r.
"a vacuum is nothing shut up ir
a box. ox."-Minneapolis Journal.
Los Angeles herald., 1905-02-27
GOOD ONES
only Partially convInoed


The clerk in the money order division
Of the postoffice looked sharply at the
man who had presented an order 10
be cashed.
" who sent you thls?" he demanded.
John Philander Avery" replied tn
man.
The clerk hunted up the letter OF adj
vice and compared it with the order.
us your name Absalom Ricketts7"
Eyes, sir"
Have you anything in your pockets
to identify your
"Yes. Here's the letter the order
came in"
The clerk examined the superscrip-
tion carefully.
Anything else?"
Eyes, sir. Here's a lot of other let
ters with my name on the envelopes."
Anything else7"
Here's is my accident insurance poll
icy."
He handed it over, and then pro-
ceeded to dig from his inside pockets
and submit for examination his cards
or membership In the Y. M. y. Al
Lonesomehurst Improvement tssocia-
ton, and Civic Reform league, tDgeth-
er with receipts for dues from tie Sec
retaries of several other societies. VI
which he was a member.
Anything else?" a
Nothing but this postal can noti-
flcation that my taxes are due
The clerk pounced upon tbs, ex-
amined it on both sides, made amem-
orandum on a sheet of paper, ques-
toned him as to his house address,,
business address, occupation, eye him
suspiciously, and then grudgingly and
ed over the money-$4.65.
Are you sure, even now?' ske1
the man. "I might have knocked ONE
fellow down and taken all these away
from him, you know"
The clerk made a grab at him, put
1t was too late.
The man had the money.-Chicgo
Tribune.
Los Angeles herald., 1905-02-27
ouTspoKEN CHICAGO DEMOCRATS

The Chicago Democrats have nominated a. candidate
for mayor and have adopted platform that is in
terestng to the people of all other American cities.
1t may be said the Democratic party of Chicago
stalking the mayoralty the issue of municipal own
ership of leading public utilities. The platform
demands that the people their rights and
proceed bring about municipal ownership and opera
tion of street lines, plants, electric lighting
plants and telephone systems"
The outcome of this bold appeal to the voters
of Chicago will be watched with deep interest else
where The patience of the people of that city has
been sorely by unsatisfactory street transit
lighting and telephone service Whether the average
Chicago voter is prepared to go the length of de-
manding complete innovation as is called for in
the Democratic platform is a question to be de-
termined in the coming election.
1t is beyond the need of argument evidently to
say that community should supply a necessary public
utility it's account if it cannot obtain salts
factory service through private corporate
AS rule 1t is wiser, perhaps, for the community not
to handle such utility if entire satisfaction is OBJ
tanable otherwise. By the same rule, however it
obviously is good policy, and in accordance with COM
mon principles that the public shall not suffer
from corporate shortcomings when the means of re-
dress is within reach.
1t has been demonstrated in nearly all the large
American cities that it is good policy for the
munty to and operate its water supply. Los
Angeles has quite recently added it's testimony
that point. Is there any why Los Angeles
might operate lighting plant as successfully and
satisfactorily to the public it operates the water
plant?
The whole city is crying out against abuses in the
lighting service and if the patience of the people
not truly Joblike they would long have demanded
as the Democratic party of Chicago demands
municipal lighting system.
Experience in municipal water service is a good one
to follow in the whole line of public utilities. 1t has
bv that iS nOtp nOlicv
for a community to depend upon corporations for its
water supply Judging from the present outcry of COM
plant from a dozen American cities it is not
good policy to depend corporations for a lighting
service. Los Angeles is notable example in that
class If telephone service street transit service
any other utility proves to be unendurable, it should
be taken in hand by municipal ownership.
That is a conservative and reasonable view of public
ownership of such utility according to The Heralds
best judgment.
Los Angeles herald., 1905-02-27

matters, are hereby declared to be of
a detrimental character, and their use
and consumption are against the NOR
ais, good health and safety of the
state, and all such liquors may be
seized wherever found without war;
rant, and disposed of as hereinafter
provided.
ANY person in this state intending
to import for personal use and con-
sumption any spurious, malt, vinous,
fermented. brewed or other liquor con-
tanning alcohol from any other state
or foreign country shall first certify
to the chemist Of the South Carolina
college the quantity and kind of liquor
proposed to be imported, together with
the name and place of business Of the
person, firm or corporation 1t is desired
to purchase accompanying such cer-
tification with a statement that the
proposed consignor has been requested
to forward a sample of such liquor to
the said chemist at Columbia, S. c..
chemist shall Immediately proceed to
test the same, and If found to be pure
and free from any poisonous, hurtful
or deleterious matter he shall issue a
certificate to that effect, stating there
in the names of the proposed consignor
and consignee, and the quantity and
kind of liquor proposed to be imported
hereunder, which certificate shall be
dated and forwarded by the said chem
list postpaid to the proposed consignor
at his place of business. The said con-
signor shall cause such certificate to
be attached to the package containing
the liquor when it is shipped into this
state and no package bearing such
certificate shall be liable to seizure and
confiscation."
So at the state line the importation
of doctored and poisonous liquors is
stopped, and the person who has use
for any liquor knows that he is getting
the pure stuff. The law fully provides
for selling any kind of pure liquors
by the local dispensaries throughout the
state to persons, except minors, intoxi-
Gated persons, or those addicted to too
much drink, but no alcoholic beverages
in less quantities than one-half pint
shall be sold, nor any at all sold be-
tween sundown and sunrise, or to be
drunk on the premises where sold.
This effectually d!sposes of the
saloon, and the anxious mother, what
ever uneasiness she may feel as to
where her wandering boy is tonight %
may take comfort in the knowledge
that he is at least not gambling with
the loungers and habitues of gin mill.
Under this law no man is deprived
of his right to indulge his appetite, and
the public is protected with him also
from the fiagrant abuse of 1t.
The state supplies the liquors to its
citizens in South Carolina, except those
who choose to import them for their
own use, under the guarantee of purity
by the state chemist, and has estab-
lished local dispensaries throughout the
state which are "the premises" above
referred TO.
There are no saloons there, so II you
want to so On spree you must take
Los Angeles herald., 1905-02-27

In some recent data relative to the market value
OF petroleum we find remarkable discrepancy he
tween prices obtained for the California product and
the prices for the oils of other states It is stated
that the average price for Pennsylvania petroleum has
increased 36 cents barrel in the last two years; in
the products of Ohio and Indiana the gain was 2 cents
in Texas the average price has nearly doubled But
in California, according to this report the average
dropped from 34S cents to 303 cents per barrel In
every oil state except California there was sub
santia gain in oil prices while in this state there was
considerable loss even the basis of very low
price at the start
Los Angeles herald., 1905-02-27
First Aid to the Foolish

For acute desire to speculate-One
knockout drop (mild to medium) in
half a glass of water every morning
hour if patient is still restless. Dose
need not be administered on Sunday,
as on that day the exchange is closed.
For Lawsonitis = Teaspoonful of
soothing syrup mixed with bromide
every three hours. Get out in the open
walks. Avoid frenzied reading or con-
versation.
For matinee fever or hero hysteria--
A very common and stubborn COM
plant among young girls, and occa-
sionally among the old ones. Have
strong mixture put up of chaperonla
and common sense. and dose patient
freely on Wednesdays, Saturdays and
holidays. Begin about IL o'clock in
the morning and repeat hourly until
theater time. Patient may have
neither bonbons nor opera glasses till
completely cured, as relapses IN this
disease are alarmingly frequent and
often fatal.
For chronic versiflcation (bumpus
literatum)-One buck and saw and six
hickory logs every morning beforehand
after breakfast After luncheon one ak
or hatchet. After dinner one bed. For
this complaint no medicine is required;
simply constant watchfulness on he
part of the nurse, and care that The
patient receives neither pen nor paper
under any circumstances. Nurse should
carry sandbag for use in emergencies.
For water on the Wineglas
full of Receivertone one hour after
meals and just before retiring from
business.
For Liptonitis-For this aggravated
complaint there is nothing better than
cupping.
Los Angeles herald., 1905-02-27

The general appropriation bill, as reported from
sacramento carries $75O0,000, which is about half
million beyond the comptrolers estimate We read
that during the past two weeks the committee has
been working night and day cutting down the ap-
preparations. 1t is needless to say that they have
worked clear around and failed to touch the graft end
of the appropriation bill
Los Angeles herald., 1905-02-27

Senatorelect Flint will enjoy the undoubted felicity
next Saturday at of dropping the present elect
tail TO his distinction in the style of ambitious tad
pole He will then become full-fedged United States
senator, and will participate in the special session
called by the president
Los Angeles herald., 1905-02-27

Cotton man, present formerly has sent to the
federal treasury fifteen cents as contribution TO the
conscience fund. When boy he purloined two slate
pencils at the Indian agency then Cotton and his
conscience has been troubling him since It seems
that conscience, unlike death, does not "ove shinng
mark" At least never hear of it hitting and
bringing down any large contributions to the con-
science fund.
Los Angeles herald., 1905-02-27

Another example of Ascot park influences was
shown in the city Saturday night when a gang of
toughs attached to that attacked officer who
stopped them from insulting Spring street.
Legislators Sacramento pass the Espey bill wipe
out the Ascot sink of iniquity
Los Angeles herald., 1905-02-27

Tourists in Los Angeles express surprise at the
brazen manner in which palmsts alleged cairvoyants
and other takers allowed to project their several
swindles in the faces of the public leading thorough
fares The federation of such displays is taken as
sign of provincialism.
Los Angeles herald., 1905-02-27

It appears from the Russian dispatches that the
police of Warsaw threatening to strike for higher
pay. They now get So month and their uniforms.
II is said however that they subsst chiefly money
obtained from other sources" Like the applicant
job barkeeper in response to question about the
salary he wanted the Warsaw police not particular
about secondary sources of income
Los Angeles herald., 1905-02-27

The independent oil producers of four states have
united to offer the gage of battle to the Standard Oil
company. An association just formed in Chicago in
cudes such producers in Ohio, Indiana, Illinois and
Kansas The octopus is likely its tenacles full
In fighting the federal government and several state
governments, backed by the independent oil interests
and nearly the whole American people
Los Angeles herald., 1905-02-27

Fish stories are not yet ripe at Catalina island
but the growing crop looks quite promising The
report of landing two abicore weighing twentyfour
pounds each at a single CATCH with a sixounce rod
is mild reminder of what is coming soon
Los Angeles herald., 1905-02-27

The Herald contained legitimate paid ad-
vertisng yesterday than any Sunday since the be-
ginning of the year Watch us grow"
Los Angeles herald., 1905-02-27

your liquor to your home and have
such fun as spree might beget all
tc yourself, and very few do it.
j. D. BETHUNE.
Los Angeles herald., 1905-02-27

There is some question in Portland probably about
the advsability of putting Jail cuprits at work on the
stone pile number of that class acquired dex-
terity in breaking stone that they were enabled to
break out of Jail.
Los Angeles herald., 1905-02-27
THE HERALD'S CITY CIRCULATION

The HsraIds circulation In the city Of Los Angeles
10 larger than that Of the Examiner or the Express
and second only to that of the Times
Los Angeles herald., 1905-02-27

The question why married women are the most
persistent bargan-hunters is answered by the Wash
ington Post thus: Naturally they trying to make
up for the poor bargains most of them got in the
husband line"
Los Angeles herald., 1905-02-27

Tomorrow will end the month of February and give
Joy to the shiverng people of the east March brings
but little comfort to them, but it is hailed as spring
month, and in that there is something in name
Los Angeles herald., 1905-02-27

"Mr. Bliggins means well. but he
doesn't stop to think"
Perhaps" answered Miss Cayenne.
"he feels that time is too valuable to
be trified away in hopeless undertake.
ings4 4"-Washingto Star.
Los Angeles herald., 1905-02-27

bill passed by the state senate Saturday makes
provision for "the destruction of the Russian thistle"
Another line of employment may thus be marked out for
Japanese employment in California.
The Washington times., 1905-08-26
DUBUQUE MAYOR
WAS GRAF TING
City Attorney Holds He
May Be "Fired."
GRAND JURY WILL INQUIRE
Charged That He Used Official Influence
to Get Business for His
Firm.
GRAND JURY WILL INQUIRE

DUBUQUE, Iowa. Aug. 26.-At the re-
quest of Alderman rNeedham. City At
torney I[intzenger today rendered an
opinion in which he holds that Mayor
Berg may be removed from Office for be-
ing interested in big contracts that the
Palmer Berg Printing Company has
had with the city, and. rather than
suffer impeachment. it was rumored that
the mayor will resign.
-Four aldermen. who are also charged
with grating, will be ousted. 1t is
said the mayor has virtually been milk
ing the city treasury in getting big jobs
for the firm in which he is interested,
and, as he may be proceeded against
crinlinally, 1T is said there will be start
ling developments of corruptness when
the grand jury meets in October.
For some time local printing concerns
have been aware Berg was using his
influence to further the interests of his
own firm IN obtaining contracts from
the city and they asked for an inYesti-
cation.
Aldermen were accused of having used
their official positions to further their
private interests in securing contracts
10 furnish the city supplies.
It was also understood that at one
time the city administration had re-
ceiYed money from operator of slot
machines and divekeepers, and that
there was no record of 1t on the books
Of the city treasury.
The Washington times., 1905-08-26
COMMERCE AND LABOR.
Virginia and West Virginia Attract
MetcaIf's Aides.

Virginia and West Virginia Attract
MetcaIf's Aides.
DR.. George W. Leadley. chief of the
appointment division. is taking a short
vacation.
W W. Fowler, chief of the supply di-
vision. is spending several weeks vaca-
tLon in Lewes, \. !.
Harrison Nesbitt. of the Solicitors of
fee, is spending few weeks vacation
al Warrenton, Va.
Harry Lucllet, of the Disbursing Of
fee, is at Atlantic City.
Peter DonOhue. Of the Immigration
Bureau. Is away for a few days.
c. II. Dewey, of the Disbursing Ofice,
has returned after months vacation
at Berkeley Springs. X. Va.
Walter Bafnum, OF the Chief Clerk s
office. returned Friday after a month s
vacation in the mountains of Virginia
Frank d. Gardner, of the Chief Clerk s
oincc, LETT today for Il months vacation
Al JefferSOutOu, Va.
Frank T. Horner, of the Chief Clerk 5
office, IS spending his vacation at Shang-
hal, W. Va.
William A Ruff. of the Chief Clerk s
office, returned recently from his vaca-
tion in Indiana. Mr.. Ruff Joined the
benedicts while away
John Co0ms returned Wednesday after
ten days outing.
The Washington times., 1905-08-26

returned from their home in Iowa, where
they went to see the marriage of their
daughter.
}. Russ Williams has just returned
from a pleasant fishing trip at Knott's
Quarry. ". Va. Mr. Williams reports
that hsh were in abundance and that
ne had fine sport.
alarms office of the Senate is spend
ing his vacation in Maine. He is at
present at Old Orchard
capt c. \. Richards, superintendent
OF the stationery room. is spending a few
weeks with his family a Asbury Park
n, W. thompson, clerk to the Com
hilttee on Military Affairs of the Senate
VINO Is spending his vacation in Con-
necticut, was in the city for a few davs
during The week
Z A. E'ckstiene, of the Senate Dast-
once, accompanied by Mrs, Eckstiene
returned frou pleasant trip TO Far
Rockaway Beach where they have been
Ior the last several weeks
4. Agnew, of the Senate, has Just
returned from a vacation at his old
home III LYnChburg Va Mr. Agnew.
accompanied by his family, also spent
some OF ms vacation at Colonial Beach.
Harry Nelson. of the Senate most
office, win leave Monday for, an extended
trip; Mr.. Nelson Will spend some time
IN New ork city and neighboring
places. He VIII also visit Boston and
Atlantic City.
w \. Burns, of the Senate document
room. returned Wednesday from trib
TO the Adirondacks.
A. b. Shelton, clerk to the Finance
committee of the Senate. who has been
spending his vacation in Providence,
h l., New York and Atlantic CITY, has
returned to the city
Miss L. NJ. Wells. of the COMMITTEES
on Claims of the Senate, left Wednes-
day for an extended vacation at Chey-
enne. Wyo.
Frank Thompson, of the Senate, ac-
companled by Mrs. Thompson. is visit
ing his home in Berlin. Pa.
w. A. Smith, record clerk of the
House, will leave on the first of Sep
tember for ten-day visit to Atlantic
Capt. F. Y. Decoster. of the House
document room, has just returned from
several weeks vacation at Ocean City,
Maryland.
Joe Grayson. special clerk In the
House document room. is touring Vir-
ginia with one of his handsome two
horse teams
Mr.. DahIgreen. of the House doc,I-
ment room, has just returned from seY-
! eraI weeks vacation in Chicago, III
w A Rodenberger. of the House doe
nment room, returned to the city re-
Gently from East St. Louis Nd. While
Mr. Rodenberger was away he Joined
the benediCts.
John Walch. of the superintendent ;
from a vacation at Herndon. Va
August Eccard, of the Superinten-
dents Office OF the Building, accom-
panied by Mrs Eccard, is spending a
few weeks outing at Colonial Beach
Harry k1ddleberger. of the Sergeant
alarms office of the Senate, is spend
ing his vacation in the Adirondacks.
The Washington times., 1905-08-26

fee. has returned to his desk after an
absence of two weeks
Miss H. +. Henry. of the second as
sistant's Office, VIII return from her va
cation on September ,.
w. c. Fitch. chief clerk Of the STAMP
division is spending a months vaca-
ton at his home in Little Falls. N Y
Miss H F. Soule and Miss +. E. Blood,
of the stamp division. who have been
visiting the Portland Exposition. are
now viewing the wonders of Yellowstone
National Park
J. E. McCabe, of the second assistant S
office, left this week for a months va
cation at his home IN western Pennsyl-
vania
c. s. stone. of The stamp division, is
spending a three-weeks' vacation on his
estate near Rockville. Md.
Miss Nj G. Spear. Of the stamp diyis-
ion. is visiting her home III Missouri
George B. Price. Of tF4 second assis-
tant's Office. has been granted leave
from August 25 to September g.
Mrs. II. c. Ciney, of the dead letter
office, and Miss L Ginesi of the
Civil Service Commission, are spending
their vacation at York Village, Me
Miss E. S. Barber, of the second as
sistant's office, is spending her Vaca ton
on the coast of Maine. She will return
to the department on September 9.
W. D. MaCfarlad of the second as
S1stant.s office, was granted d few days
leave durin~ the past week
{. +. Blackman, of the second assfS-
tant office, is spending his vacation
at his home in Connecticut He will re
turn to his desk on September Il
The Washington times., 1905-08-26
CONGREGATION WISHES
DR.. WILSON TO REMAIN
Unanimous Opposition to Permitting the Popular Pastor
of Assembly's Presbyterian Church to Withdraw.
Merger With Old First Church Hardly Probable.

that, rather than be a discordant figure
in affairs Of the church Dr.. Wilson sent
in his resignation
II was then suggested that the As
semb1ys Church combine with the old
First Church and, even should this plan
be agreed upon, it is likely q strong
fight will be put Up by each congrega-
ton that its church shall be the one
eventually chosen.
Committee to Investigate.
A committee to look into the matter
has been chosen. It includes L. c. VIII
hanson, Thomas P. Keene, and O. B.
Brown, of AssembIy's and Messrs. Du-
bois. Lecky, and Smith, of the First
Church. The committee has not been
called together yet, and meeting is not
contemplated until all the members re-
turn to Washington for the winter,
Should a merger be suggested by the
committee the matter viii have TO be
referred TO the presbytery, and 1t IS
likly that that body will have TO be
called in special session to decide the
matter
Little faith is placed in an eventual
merger by the people Of Assembly )
Church. The majority Of the congFega-
tion want Dr.. Wilson there, and 1t looks
as if they VIII put forth every effort TO
pastor. His congregation uEites in say
ling that he never breaches a poor ser
mon, that he IS universally liked BY peo-
pie OF his own and other denomina tious,
and that If he is allowed 10 resign It
means the withdrawal from Washing
ton Of one of its most influential and
highly esteemed churchmen.