Aberdeen herald. [volume] (Aberdeen, Chehalis County, W.T.) 1886-1917, 1905-12-11


nuts in the cake. Cook-I'll crack no
more nuts to-day. Me jaw hurts me
already .-Harper's Bazaar.
Very Quick: First Russian-You
ond Russian-Yes, it was finished be-
fore you could say Jackopolinsky Ro-
manoffopolOtowsk
Office Boy-Wy, cert, want more
pay; I'm only getting -four week,
and give my mother all | earn Pro-
prietor-What do you do with the 9th
er three and half?-Puck.
Willie-Papa, if | was twins would
you buy the other boy banana. too {?
Papa-Certainly my son. Willie
Well, papa, you surely amt going to
cheat me out of another banana Just
because I'm all in one piece Judge.
Bronco Bill-What did Tough Temp
kins die of? Grizzly Pete-Well, the
poor guy needed change of air an
couldn't get it. Bronco Bill-Lung
trouble? Grizzly Pete-No; he was
lyncneu.-J
II got fine job in de business col
lege." "Gee-wot dyer do"' de
table when de new pupils write, This
is sample of my handwriting before
began taking lessons "-Exchange
Brilliant Billy: Bill had bill
board. Bill also had a board bill The
board bill bored Bill, so that Bill sold
the billboard to pay his board bill. SO
after Bill sold his billboard to pay his
board bill, the board bill no longer
bored Bill.
Useless Expense: Lawyer-Now,
see here; before l take your case,
want to know If you're guilty Prls-
oner-Am l guilty? Dyer suppose I'd
be fool enough ter hire the most ex-
pensive lawyer in the town If l WIZ
inherent?
"Do you know" said a Sunday
school teacher addressing a new pupil
in the infant class, that you have a
soul?' Course l do" replied the lit
tie fellow, placing his hand over his
heart, II can feel it tick. "-Moberly
(Mo) Monitor.
The Indian Bureau: 1--WE been
radin'," said Pat. "a good dale in the
papers about a bureau for the Indians.
Now, l don't believe in their havln' a
bureau. l can't afford to have ou-
reau mesilf! l kape me papers in a
box under the bed"
Parson-Of course you are not afraid
to die, Brother Jones. Your good wife,
who went before, will meet you at
the pearly gates, you know. Sick Man
Yes; and peach of time III have
explaining to her all I've done for the
past ten years!-Judge.
Another Heartless Monopolist: Mrs.
Gabble-No, indeed, l don't have that
woman doctor any more. Mrs Query
Why, l thought you liked her. Mrs.
Gabble-Oh, she got to be hateful. She
used to keep the thermometer in my
mouth nearly all the time, so that /
couldn't say word, while she monop-
olized the conversation.
A Lively Animal: He was good
natured German, and his face fairly
beamed as he walked into drug
store. The first thing that caught his
attention was an electric fan buZZing
busily on the soda counter. He looked
at it with great interest, and then
turned to the clerk. "Py golly!' he
said, smilingly, "dats lifly squirrel
vot you got in dare, amt id|'-Lippin-
colts Magazine.
Refined Pork: Harold was playing
keep store and had prevailed upon
his grandmother to become one of his
patrons. When she appeared in the
role Of customer he said: Have some
nice vegetables or fruit or meat? Here
Is some extra nice boiled ham. Have
some?" mo, thank you" she said, II
don't like ham," "Oh, but | think
you'd like this, ma'am 1t is hardly a
bit y"-Lippincott's.
A Memory for Dates: A school
teacher was trying to impress upon a
scholars mind that Columbus discov-
cred America In 1902. Now, john"
he said, Il will tell you the date in
rhyme, so that you won't forget It, In
fourteen hundred and ninety-two Co
lumbus sailed the ocean blue Now,
can you remember that, John Yes"
replied John. Next day the teacher
said, John, when did Columbus dis
cover American" "In fourteen hundred
and ninety three Columbus sailed the
dark-blue sea-"
Improving the Opportunity: Here,
my good man." she said one day last
week to man who had begged aims
Of her, here is a threc-penny piece,
and please to understand that | do not
give this because hope to be reward
ed for my charity some day, but be-
cause it gives me pleasure to do So"
The burly beggar looked obviously at
the tiny silver coin. Look ere. num-"
he said, IN this ere wicked world we
don't often get the chance to enjoy
ourselves. Why not make it Il shlllln'
and ave a real good time!"
The PennSv1ya mans who used odious