The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-11-06
MARK TWAIN ON FADS.
Mr.. Clemens Addresses the Twentieth
Century Club of Boston.

Boston, Mass. Nov 6.-Samuel L.
Clemens mark Twain, who was the
guest of the Twentieth Century club,
the leader of the thought of Boston,
said that craftsmanship was foolish
ness, and in a sarcastic vein dwelt up
on peace, nations, and fads.
Mr. Clemens was greeted with
great chorus of applause when he was
announced When quiet was restored
he said:
Il thank you for this applause. It is
the more welcome because suppose it
is a token of forgiveness for what I
did some thirty feet back there when
1 was applauding myself. Your presi-
dent, it seems, spoke my name and 1
didn't hear it. Everybody else seemed
to be clapping their hands, and, as 1
thought it was the right thing, joined
in.
"Of course, that was a wrong thing.
but I am always committing some such
mistake. But the only thing IN sorry
for is that 1 got caught. have got
over all those feelings of delicacy which
are supposed to belong to good society
and now I don't care for anything so
long as keep out of jail
Most everybody gets into the habit
of applauding when they see others at
it, and for one 1 can't resist. Besides,
I get so used to compliments that 1
so much butter every day.
Il am different from those other
people who have been speaking. This
problem of universal peace used to be
one of the uppermOst things in my
mind. I used to study over it. Now
I will not say that I really studied;
thought about it-hOw to get universal
peace. It bothered me, but 1 kept
growing nearer and nearer to a sOlu-
ton, and at last came to it.
Told an Emperor How TO Have Peace.
But the day I thought I had solved
it 7 was summoned to the presence OF
an emperor. The first thing he asked
me was what 1 was doing nowadays.
told him I had been working out a
prOblem-the problem of universal
peace-and that I had solved it, that I
had found the only way-there was no
other
Then he wanted to know how I was
going to bring it about and I told him.
I am going to get a chemiSt-a real
genius-and get him to extract all the
oxygen out Of the atmosphere for eight
minutes. Then we viii have universal
peace and it will be permanent
I took my goods to the wrong mar
ket Emperors don't want peace. per
manent or temporary. on any such basis
They don't want any race suicide
What they want is people, and then
more people. 1 was pretty cOOny re-
ceived by this emperor and so was my
proposition. And so L let it go. Every
time 1 think have formed solution
of the difficulties some one comes along
and uDsets it.
Price of German Missionaries.
And that reminds me. Four years
ago China bought two German mission
aries She paid 100000 apiece for them
although they were not active at the
time But there are several hundred
missionaries in China, and I'd be glad
to sell 'em all at the same price. I don't
believe We have got down to where we
want to thrust our civilization on in
nocent people.
In 1892 there were eleven missionaries
in China, and in that year they had a
catch OF 5000 converts. Judson Smith
called it a harvest There were %, 900
pagans being born every day in China
and we were converting them at the
rate of two and one-half a day. So it
would take quite awhile to get every
body converted