Middlebury register. (Middlebury, Vt.) 1886-1937, 1905-09-08
EATING BY PROXY.

'I've been up and down the line for
hull hatful of moons, but the way got
that sit-down was as queer an expert
ence as / ever had.
81 was padding through little park
tall, thin, sallow man, middle-aged,
gave me the greet:
"'Hello there, said he to me. Hun
gry?
swell said back to him,
4 Just naturally hate to think
OF the things l could do right
now to slaughter house steak
the size of vestibule mat-smothered
IN onions, we'll say, with tall stack of
frizzled spuds to come, and half key
Of Mocha and Java mixed
"'Think you could put all that away,
hey?' said the saliow man, cycling me in
q peculiar way. Come on, then, and
we'll see if we can't pad you out some.
after leaving the meat market he
led me into the basement way of toppy
looking house.
Sit down and wait awhile and III
have you fixed up, he said, leading me
into the basement dining-rOom. |
Topped into the Morris by the window
and waited for things to happen. The
sallow man went out into the kitchen
and handed the steak to an old-fash-
toned dinge with mammy's cap on her
wool.
"'Broil this steak, M'linda,' he said
to the nanny, and broil it like you
know how to. And shake up pannikin
of fried potatoes. Cover the steak with
fried onions. Brew all the coffee you've
got around the works. Make a couple
of dozen of those wheat mullins of yours.
And get lively, Mlinda-I've got man
! planted in the dining-room that knows
| how to eat
The old black cook got busy in a min
ute, and the salow man joined me in the
dining-room, and we spelled along
while the eats were being fixed.
We'll, inside of just about half an
hour the old nanny, after spreading
nice white cloths and silverware and
cute-looking china and cut glass things
all over the table, brought that little
snack in.
THE steak weighed about three and
quarter pounds, and it was buried in
enough deep-brown Bermudas to make
four construction hands bughouse with
| joy. The pan Of mullins was still-life
picture in oils, and every one of 'em
looked-and tasted-like it would float
| in the air like spider webs. The fried
potatoes had that old-gold tint that is
right The coffee. a hull vat of it, was
like your mother never even heard of,
much less knew how to make.
"'Sit down, said the sallow man, when
it was all set, and get real gay with your
machinery
He didn't have to coax me, either.
gave yank at my sleeves, passed him
the They're Off. mutter. and then
proceeded to make that extemporaneous
banquet look like a last years bird 5
nest. | hadn't showed alongside such 4
tableau of fodder since the Russian gen
erals first began to talk about taking
their dinner in Toxic.
We'll, the boss of the plant just sat
there by the window, in his deep chair,
and watched me make the feed look fool
ish. 1t didn't embarrass me little bit
to have him do that, although he
watched every mouthful | ate There
was a hungry. sort o. reminiscent look
in his eyes. as he studied my eating
curves. Every once in awhile he shook
his head sadly, and looked out of the
window. and muttered something to
himself
After about three-quarters of an
hour | was all in, and so was the feed
tricklings of the tub of coffee.
Had enough? the sallow man asked
me, as | wiped my chart with the big
napkin.
I'm cargoed down to the Plimsol
line, much Obliged to you, saysI.
"'All right, mate, says the sallow
man then. 'That'll be about all. I've
enjoyed it as much as you have.
"You think I'm bug suppose, he
went on. Well. I'm not exactly that yet
although Nv got swell odds-on chance
to become one if some sort of interna
revolution doesn't happen to me. In
= dyspeptic. When | say that, dom
mean that I'm just plain. ordinary dys
0eptic of the common or garden variety
But I've got a set Of mechanism insid,
of me that declared a lookout on me
couple of years ago, and it has never go
cogged together or connected up RICH
since. I've been eating nothing bu
graham waters and hot sterilized mill
during these past two years-if I'd ca
one-eighth of the mess that you've jus
put away, I'd be running around Xix
a bad Moro for a week I'm as hungr,
as a Kentucky coon dog all the time, a
that. but I've just got to stay hungry
So. every once in awhile pick up way
farer who looks like he's got the tonnag
and capacity, and stake him to a man
ger full just for the fun of watching hin
get away with ii. You're man to b
envied, even if you are pounding tn
pikes-s'long,' and with that he got VI
slipped me a two-bone paper to bu