The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1905-10-01

Fl kinswoniAn, Cousin Mandy TimDerlaKe,
I and somehow can't gee horses ana
/ there's no use III lis two trying to nsree.
The trouble about tho Whole business
{ is that the old lady has, nerves and m sc. so
have I #
u But her nerves and my nerves don't
seem u dovetail, ana instead Of having ING
what might be called il community OF
sorrow, we are continually a-knocktng at
h each other.
without meaning to be disrcspectful TO
AZ the female gender IN general ana me
3 Queen Bees relatives IN particular,
am CONTAINED TO say thht | thank my
lucky stars daily that Cousin NANNY
glivcs in the country mud that she doesn I
come TO town often, @
Ny nerves couldn't stand more than
three or four OF her vistations per an
nun. And IL the truth must be lo.a,
y Cousin Mandy can rub my hair the wrong
Z way more times a day than any living
4. crltter& l know.
For instance, although she halls from
a land that's teeining with hound dogs
and literally scething with Eeed-ticks and
I chIreers, she forthwith begins WHIPPING
nv fox terrier by the time her carpet
i bag Is thrown across my Threshold
5 IT is Cousin Mandys firm, conviction
it backed, 1 nm told, by a great many
+ whelps on her angular personality, that
1.-The ntlndruped which adore has
chronic way Of communicating feas to
her. An an bastract principle. / am
Wiling Ia admit ina fox terriers are
literally coionized by hcas and that these
Interesting parasites do sometimes en-
migrate and attach themselves TO IA the
Y female form divine. but when i comes
10 MY fox terrier, that Is a bob-tailed
y dog Of another color.
Ard SO we have 1t hot and heavy from
the first jump not from the first jump POI o.
the flens, but from the moment sl t..a q.
Cousin Mandy clips her eye around at
my amab pet
Plague my buttons II she doesn't get
scratchy time she> sees the purp! And,
u Il, make matters worse, the dog has been
irving a1l{his life to win Cousin Mandy 3
love, bu, lust as soon as he comes near
! her. she screams out hysferlcally: axe a..
1, away: take ifit away. The thing Is
covered With vermin and I'll be eaten
up. My nerves can t stand II.
And there's where I begin getting mao.
In the first place. no man wishes me
pronoun ut" applied to his dog. *
The animal Is worth paying q license on y
1t is worth being called he Or she. 4
according as 1t is a lad or a lassie. Du
x r. have The aundruped contemptuously
+ oesIgnated as cit and worse still, 70
have IL accused OF being ..flea-ridden by
one OF your wttcs own relatives rs more
than masculine endurance can stand .
+ 1T is adding insult o.in3ury.
IN a word, Cousin Mandy makes mo
20 ndgcty that could jump out OF my
skin when she begins nagging.
rwelye years ago. when the Queen
Ree.s c-reiat!ve first began lombard
Sing the alleged parasites that pespansi =,
my purp and commenced yelling LOT OIL
of peppermint. lfupped ana asaiu s2 1....,s
here. Cousin Mandy. It Amt no use your
laying It on that dorg; what's pitin
YOU came from tho country. You brought
q ,cm With YOU and haven't doubt that
YOU left plenty behind, too, for the
benefit OF the city folks that visit the
rural districts. a census OF chigEer
population In Hanover would astonish
II not tcrrify the world.
This suggestion was Indignantly repu-
dated By the old lady, who insisted that
p not In the history OF the county had
ever any native seen q chfgger near
habitation or in any other place save
where cattle used
&..And. besides.', said the sensitive spin
stcr, in a high. querrelous key. III you
were as nervous as ! am. you would
appreciate my whims and not argue
with me about every little point raise
4. Eoy, as a matter OF fact, Cousin Man
dys nerves cut absolutely no ice with
ME, for have i bunch OF my own
which are as complicated and as roml-
fed ], as tomato can full OF fishing
worms Indeed. when ] recently looked
up the subject In an encyclopedia. was
both amazed and delighted to find that
II my skin could be removed, would
or pen and Ink sketch OF a. winter
forest. With such n complicated equip
n,ent az this. how in,the name OF good.
ness have ] got time to be botherlng
with the hysterical attacks OF the Queen
( Bees she-couslns and such like?
But. after all. I would call 1t even with
Cousin Mandy II the heas We're the
only point In Issue and these were the
only things that gave her the crecps.
4 Unfortunately. however, the 'good old
lady-she is good even If she Is a rela-
tive OF the Queen Bee's-has score OF
other nervous specialties with which she
hounds me.
For example, she says that the town.
bell, which sounds every hour, throws
Ia ner INTO bCCHIlptlOIS anu lHdt NNdL WIN
1 the ringing Of the door bell and the
\. ringing Of the telephone bell life
In the city an't worth living.
TO make matters worse, Cousin Mandy
not only reiterates these things about
4 forty times day. but each time she
says them In a tone OF voice which In
dicates that am personally RESPONSE
n BILE and that she has documentary evil
dence to show that ! am In cahoot with
: all the bell ringers In tho city to keep
her awake and make her miserable.
: AS matter OF fact, Id put a quletus
on the whole city II ! actually felt
could keep Cousin Mandy dumb and put
4 her grievance bureau out of business.
e On one OCCASION when Cousin Mandy
had dlng-donged It into me about the
nlne-hundredth time on account OF the
y municipal ADMINISTRATIONS which jar and
Jolt her said In an ominous voice, AS
the Queen Bee sought to steer me of by
Various and kindly kicks at my shlns
+ under ehtable, cousin Mandy" said