davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Iron County record. [volume] (Cedar City, Utah) 1893-1982, 1905-10-06
%>IT5IIL,Es&<e
Explosions
His Only Relief.

His Only Relief.
"A couple Of spectators on the golf
INKS We're amused by the antics of
one OF the players, who was waving
ms arms about like windmill in
At.
Ihere was some slight wagering as
10 the cause of his strange conduct,
one section favoring the idea of
sudden attack of toothache, and
another that Of st. vitus' dance, ac-
centuated by wasp sting.
A caddie was approached, and
whisperingly asked for an explana-
tion. The boy burst out laughing.
You needn't whisper" he said; "he
wouldn't hear We If you was to fire off
heighty-one ton gun. He amt got
nothink the matter with him. He's
deaf and dumb, and that's the only
way he's got of swearin'."
Iron County record. [volume] (Cedar City, Utah) 1893-1982, 1905-10-06

stubbie and Fatty and Billy and ME-,
We bin fishin' fer catfish, b. gee =.
We bin a fishin' where fishermen go.
Up In THE Run" where the pickerels
groWl
We bin fishln' with 'hoppers an things
"spit on yer hook and yer lucky. b.
jingsr'
Stub got bite that was almost a whale!
Fat caught a coal-scuttle right by the
bail
Stubbie and Fatty and Billy and ME,
We found nest in a slickry elm treel
Down by the bridge they's a "whook-
whacker's' goal;
Whookwhacker'' gobbles the "fraldy-
cats' whole
Dassen't touch toads er they'n give We
their warts
We knows where gooseberries grows nv
the quarts!
Stub caught honey-bee right by its
wingsi
hooked mud-turtle, too. once, b jingsl
Stubbie and Fatty and Billy and ME.
we hung our clothes on a thornapple
rchored our poles in crotch fer the
East 4 git In Is n niggeri" SEE Fat.
Skitin we skipped fer tn OF swimmin'
hole,
Iron County record. [volume] (Cedar City, Utah) 1893-1982, 1905-10-06
Reer.Drlnkinq In Germany.

An American consular report draws
attention to the enormous consump.
ton of beer in German cities. In Ger.
tain places unfayorable social condi-
lions have decreased the consumption,
notably in Saxony and Bavaria but
throughout the German empire in the
last twenty years there has been an
increase in the consumption of beer
from ten and one-half gallons per cap
ita to thirty-two gallons and three
quarts, The most suggestive figures
are those from Munich, the capital of
Bavaria, where fourteen years ago the
consumption of beer reached the al
most incredible figures OF nearly ten
salons per capita per snnum.
Iron County record. [volume] (Cedar City, Utah) 1893-1982, 1905-10-06
Making Sure.

Making Sure.
1t is customary in the cheaper
classes of German inns to substitute
chicory for coffee. Bismarck was
aware OF this, so one day when he
came to small inn, after a long
journey he sat down and called the
innkeeper to him.
Have you any chicory?" said he.
Eyes, sir" said the innkeeper.
well, bring all you have here to
me-" ordered Bismarck.
The innkeeper was gone a few
minutes, and returned with an i'm
mense armful of chicory.
"Is this all the chicory you have in
the house?" asked Bismarck.
"Yes-all."
well, then" said Bismarck, leave
this chicory here and make me a cup
of coffee"
Iron County record. [volume] (Cedar City, Utah) 1893-1982, 1905-10-06
Not in Business Now.

After had seen all the historic
spots in New York city" remarked a
Westerner 81 began looking up the
places of interest near byA One day
my wife and | went over to Weehaw-
ken for the purpose of visiting the
spot where Alexander Hamilton and
Aaron Burr fought their duel. After
leaving the ferry | accosted native
thus:
would you be so kind as to tell
me where Hamilton and Burr had
their famous quarrel?
Wal, now, let me see,' replied the
Jerseyite, that's the firm tibet was
blastin' out the Palisades, wasn't It!
Wal. they amt quarryin' here no
more-ain't ben here for some time
back!'"
Iron County record. [volume] (Cedar City, Utah) 1893-1982, 1905-10-06
Unfortunate for spoonall.

Unfortunate for Spoonall.
Want to marry my daughter, do
you?" said the financial magnate,
wheeling around in his chair.
"Wh-who said so?" gasped the
young man.
Are you not young Spoonall?"
No, sir; my names Simpson. I've
come to bring back a suit of clothes
we ironed for you this morning"
20, | see. Put the bundle ON that
chair Good afternoon"
The magnate looked at his watch
and turned to his desk.
Presently the door opened again.
We'll, what is it now?" he asked.
DO you want the pay for ironing
those clothes?"
"N-no, sir" said an embarrassed
voice behind him. I'm Mr.. Spoonall.
| came here according to appoint"
Five minutes late, young man.
Good afternoon"
Iron County record. [volume] (Cedar City, Utah) 1893-1982, 1905-10-06
FavorIte Jananese Tune.

Marching Through Georgia. is the
fayorite band tune OF the Japanese
soldiers. There Is no such thing as
time" in the native Japanese music
Since the war came, however, Japan
ese composers have written number
of patriotic airs, in which the charac-
teristies OF the native music have been
blended with some OF ours, notably
the rhythmic swing Of our march
pieces.
Iron County record. [volume] (Cedar City, Utah) 1893-1982, 1905-10-06
Araumentum ad Homlnem.

The conversation had become slight
ly personal
You lunkhead!" exclaimed the
man with the rotund face. IF you
had any conception of the properties
of matter you would know that it has
all the characteristics of what we call
mind. Matter, sir, thinks It thinks!"
Il wonder snorted the other man,
what the rest Of your face thinks of
that big red nose of yoursp
Iron County record. [volume] (Cedar City, Utah) 1893-1982, 1905-10-06
The Terrible Wretch.

why, Mabel, dear, what is the mat.
teri" cried the fearful brides mother.
Tell me all about it. Don't. keep
back thing, darling. What has the
brute been doing?"
when | wanted him to lock the
windows last night he said there was
nothing but me for burglars toto
c-c-carry away, and he wasn't at all
afraid Boo-hoo-hoo!"
Iron County record. [volume] (Cedar City, Utah) 1893-1982, 1905-10-06
Had a Personal Reason.

is 1t possible" queried the for
eigner, that women work in cigar
factories in this country"
Eyes; in some of them,' answered
the native. why shouldn't they?"
For this reason, among Others"
said the foreigner. sadly exhibiting a
rusty hairpin he had extracted from
cigar of the Best in the Universe"
brand.
Iron County record. [volume] (Cedar City, Utah) 1893-1982, 1905-10-06
Inertia.

The City Boarder-Things are mo-
notonous here. | look out across the
cornfield and that awful scarecrow is
always standing motionless in the
same place. II it's not taken away I'll
go crazy!"
Farmer oddershucks-That amt
no scarecrow, ma'am. That there's
the hired man.-Cleveland Leader.
Iron County record. [volume] (Cedar City, Utah) 1893-1982, 1905-10-06
His Wife at Another Resort.

Nordy-"Gaydog is a devoted hus-
band. Every Friday he drops bust
ness, buys lot of candy and stuff
that women like and runs down to the
seashore and stays until Monday His
wife ought to be proud of him."
Butts-"Oh, don't know. His wife
is in the mountains. louisville
Courier-Journal.
Iron County record. [volume] (Cedar City, Utah) 1893-1982, 1905-10-06
Helping Him.

Jack Timmid - Congratulate me!
May has accepted
Cousin Kate-Of course told you
I'd help you after she refused you the
last time.
Jack Timmid-Oh, did you put in a
good word for me? lpo
Cousin Kate-Several Il mtimerP=l
to May that was after you myself T.
Iron County record. [volume] (Cedar City, Utah) 1893-1982, 1905-10-06
"What honor?" innnired nnmlev
Such a foolish Question.

Mrs. Neurich-My husband bought
lovely ocean landscape yesterday.
Mrs. Neighbors-Indeed! Is 1t an
oil or water color?
Mrs Water, of course.
Didn't | just say it was an ocean
landscape?
Iron County record. [volume] (Cedar City, Utah) 1893-1982, 1905-10-06
Moving Cheese.

will you start the cheese this way.
please?" said the thin boarder at din.
ner.
It's not time for cheese yet" said
the fat boarder.
mo, but if you start it now it will
probably get here by the time I'm
ready for it."-Yonkers Statesman.
Iron County record. [volume] (Cedar City, Utah) 1893-1982, 1905-10-06
He's "It.n

Rabid Scientist-Do you mean to
tell me that you don't believe one iota
of my theory of evolution?
Dub-at-Science-Oh, no-not exact
ly. What | mean to say is that after
hearing you talk I've decided that Oar
win is way off! The link isn't miss
ing at all!-Detroit Free Press.
Iron County record. [volume] (Cedar City, Utah) 1893-1982, 1905-10-06
How Amelia PLAYS.

Afternoon callers at the home OF
Mrs. Duplisse had just been favored
with an organ selection by that lady's
young daughter.
yes, Amelia play YER good" said
the hostess, in acknowledgment of the
company's praise. amelia, she never
took no lesson. neider; she play en-
tirely wit her Judge.
Iron County record. [volume] (Cedar City, Utah) 1893-1982, 1905-10-06
A Great LIaht Breaks.

Proser-'Your friend Barrett is
dead"
Poet lmpossible! Why. | was at
his rooms last night reading my latest
poem to him"
Proser-' Come along with me to
the inquest then The coroner is still
In the dark as to what caused that
sudden relapse Cleveland Leader
Iron County record. [volume] (Cedar City, Utah) 1893-1982, 1905-10-06
An Award for the Frame.

Il am glad you saw my painting"
said D'Auber II tell you / am proud
of that honor"
What honor?" inquired Dumley.
Didn't you see the label, honorable
mention on it,"
Not on your painting. That was
on the frame. Sketch.
Iron County record. [volume] (Cedar City, Utah) 1893-1982, 1905-10-06
His Plea.

Maeistrate-' Now then, prisoner,
what have you 10 say for yourself?"
prisoner Wen sub. done adj
mittance de tr Of all OATS ben
testieated agin me iedge, but jes'
natchelly hope dat yo' is gwine to be
easy VIII me- kase | hyar 20 is a mer-
cenary gem'an PHILADELPHIA Press.
Iron County record. [volume] (Cedar City, Utah) 1893-1982, 1905-10-06
In a Few Years.

The Guest-Waiter, you may bring
me a lobster salad.
The Waiter-Yes, sir with real lob.
ster or Observation-Disclosures.
Iron County record. [volume] (Cedar City, Utah) 1893-1982, 1905-10-06
The Wide Margin of Doubt.

They PAID him a big salary, didn't
theyY
That's what he said. "-Clevelan
Plain Dealer.
The Elbert County tribune., 1905-10-26
Call on a Lynn Bank for Beer.

A business institution like a bank
sees little of the humorous side of
life, although now and then some
thing happens to vary the routine.
The employees of a certain national
bank in Lynn. Mass. noted for the
elegance of its furnishings, such as
desks, marble floors, etc. were in the
midst OF their daily labors when an
individual rather the worse for wear
and liquids entered, leaned against
and rolled along the shelf reaching
the whole length of the bank to the
teller's window, where he deposited a
nickel and stood rather unsteadily.
When asked what he wanted, he said
Glass (hic) of beer" When informed
1t was a bank desk he was leaning
against and not saloon bar he hast
lily murmured an apology and sham
blcd out
The Elbert County tribune., 1905-10-26
Maaneslte Hills.

In the neighborhood of Malelane
and Kaapmuiden, 10 miles from Lour.
enco Marquis. in South Africa. large
deposits of magneslte. said to be
equal to the best Grecian article
have been found. The veins are OF
varied width, in many places being
more than 10 feet in thickness, but
the central hill near what is known
as Salt Creek appears to be one vast
deposit about 1000 feet long by 2OC
feet wide, and upwards of 900 feet
high. According to the estimate made
by the consulting engineer, the depos
its of magnesite at this particular
point exceed a million tors. The top
ographical position of the l-agnesite
hills is such that the deposits can be
quarried at a very low cost.
The Elbert County tribune., 1905-10-26
Champion Mean Man.

Senator Serene E. Payne OF Auburn,
while at the Republican headquarters
last week, says the New York Globe,
related an instance told to him few
weeks ago that for meanness will be
hard to beat.
"A certain wealthy broker of Boston
noted for his close-fistedness sought in
q fit of generosity to recognize a small
service rendered him by one of his
fellow-brokers. Look here, said he,
"Ill stand you a 10-cent cigar If we
meet later in the day Just before the
closing of the market the two met on
the exchange.
"'Oh,' said the first broker, L
haven't had time to buy that cigar, but
III tell you what I'll do, old man. I've
got 25-cent cigar in my pocket, and
If you'll give me Is cents it's yours.
It's not recorded what the other
fellow said in reply" added the SEN
ator.
The Elbert County tribune., 1905-10-26

in a tropical cline in order to be ap
preciateo
you are right--it cannot be thun
der, since there are no signs of a
storm. What, them" says the senior,
in no little excitement.
"Harki"
AS Smithers utters the one word.
they all strain their hearing. A gentle
southern zephy chances to be blowing,
and this brings to their ears faint,
far-away sounds that. while confused
at first. resolve themselves into shouts
and rife shots, together with all the
other various noises that signalize a
battle royal.
Senior Roblado no longer gropes in
uncertainty after the truth. 1t has
flashed upon his mind as the meteor
leaps through space.
"Por Dios, listen to that senors.
Yonder men meet in deadly strife. And
that fearful explosion-I tell you 1t
was dynamite. They have blown up
the train, those fiends incarnate who
fight against Spain." he cries in a
husky voice, that trembles In spite of
the mans positive nerve
Under those conditions 1t seems to
me our accident. then, has turned out
a most remarkable piece of good luck
for u.s." remarks Jack, with a coolness
that is refreshing.
"Quien sabe? At least we are alive,
and that is something to be thankful
for. But. gentlemen. 1 have reason TO
believe they seek me over yonder, and
upon learning the truth will come this
way in force"
THAT will be bad" declares Smith
ers. who has hard work to hide the
grin that causes his facial muscles to
twitch.
Very bad indeed. But. senors. If
they should come. that is no reason
we must give in like weaklings. my
self will set you an example. They
| shall only enter yonder carriage
where the ladies are, over my body"
Ito be continued.)
The Elbert County tribune., 1905-10-26
Where Marston Law Was Good.

In Exeter. Mass. acquaintances of
Gen. Gilman Marston say nothing
ever amused him more than the fol-
lowing:
A favorite niece living in the ad-
joining town of Brentwood bought a
horse which, not coming up to re.
quirements, she promptly took lack
and left in the sellers barn. Mex. day
she found the horse back in her barn.
Twice more she left it and twice was
1t returned
Then she called on the general. He
told her to notify the owner that II
ther, was any more trespassing in
her earn he would be fined $40, and to
tell him that Gilman Marston said
so, and not bring that id horse back
again.
The niece promptly tackled up on
her barn the following notice: "Any
trespassing in this barn by man OF
beast will be fined s10-by Gilman
Marston." The horse did not come
back.
The Elbert County tribune., 1905-10-26
sdsn the party 1HNos Hlet.r

cident. he is the party at whom ths
blow is aimed.
Gentlemen. trust you are al
armed, so that should we be attacked
the ladies may be defended" he says
hastily, at which there is a genera
showing OF firearms that might appear
ridiculous in many countries, but
which is certainly not out OF place in
poor. distracted Cuba
Senior Roblado shows some relief
when assured that the revolver which
he so quickly brings to light is at once
matched by every one of the others
present.
.'Cospita, a brave collection indeed,
senors. With valiant men behind them.
am sure we need have little fear OF
the result. unless"
The white haired artist and Spanish
diplomat never finishes that sentence.
While he is in the midst of 1t. there
suddenly salutes their startled ears e
heavy, rumbling sound. The very earth
seems TO quiver under their feet.
Thunder exclaims Senior Roblado
ON the spur of the moment.
Bah, look at the sky" echoes
Jack.
Not a cloud Is to be seen; the sill
very stars peep down upon them with
brightness that has to be witnessed
The Elbert County tribune., 1905-10-26
A Difference.

Judge John J. DeHaven of San Fran
cisco wished in recent address to
point out the Importance of trifies.
Every trille," he said. has some
weight, and to form an accurate judg-
ment no trifle may be overlooked 1t
is amazing how great difference an
apparent trife may make.
Once, when ! was youth. I at
tended court where the judge was a
little deaf. A witness stated his oc-
cupation. and the judge, bending for
ward with his hand to his ear. said
You are, you say, an organ grind
err
The judge was only a trife wrong,
yet the witness corrected him some
what haughtily.
IAN organ builder. he saiG."
The Elbert County tribune., 1905-10-26

ing from under the car and falls in be-
hind his master.
"A servant of mine. senor who is
worth his weight in gold in crisis
like this"
He can help with the fires. But
would like to know what has become
of that guard. He shall be punished
for deserting u.s."
"Hark! l hear voices. Possibly It
is the guard and the gentleman who
travelled with me. Look. yonder they
come round the end of the car. We
shall have company-p'enty of hands
to build the fires, senior"
Sure enough Srnitheri comes hurry
ing to the spot. accompanied by the
guard. whom he seems 10 have utterly
hyprotized. since the fellow shows an
eagerness to obey his slightest wish
that is really ridiculous 10 JACK.
The Elbert County tribune., 1905-10-26
Had his other Adxantaaes,

The relative from the East, who
had come to visit his cousin, the post.
master at Boom City was surprised at
the smallness of the place.
l expected to see a larger town
than this" he said. Surely there
can't be much salary attached to a
job like yours"
Why. as to that said the postmas-
ter. "the salary is but $12 year. but
1: is paid with the utmost promptness
nsd with my life and fire insurance
agency, law business, carpenter shop
agricultural implement business, drug
store. and cigar shop | manage to get
along. In addition to that the posi-
top gives one sort of--er-staDd ding
in the community"
The Elbert County tribune., 1905-10-26
Little Girl Knew Simple Way ous ol
Difficulty.

Lt"e diri hneW Stmpic Way Our OF
Difficulty.
The Hotel Belleclaire houses one OF
those rare anomalies-a woman who
does things contrary to the advice of
her husband. One OF the things to
which that unreasonable man objects
is the occasional touching up of his
wife's hair. Notwithstanding his
forcibly expressed opinion on the sub
ject. the rejuvenating process was
undergone one day last week at the
hands of professional hairdresser
Bessie. the four-year-old daughter. was
an interested observer of the opera
tion.
Now. Bessie" said her mother,
when the hairdresser had gone, Il
don't want you to say anything to your
father about mamma having had her
hair dressed DO you understand? II
you don't tell him perhaps he won't
notice it,
Or course Bessie promised to main
tain discreet silence, which she did
up to 6 O'Clock. when, meeting her
father at the corner, the secret was
promptly sacrificed on the altar of
fiiia1 affection. The man was mad and
lost no time in saying so. After he
got through talking Bessie was inter-
view by her other parent
Bessie" said her mother sternly,
what made you tell? told you not
to-"
"Oh. that's all right" said Bessie.
Don't worry. | can easily lie it back
again. New York Times.
The Elbert County tribune., 1905-10-26
Plan to Change inaugural Date.

District Commissioner Mcfarland of
Washington. chairman of the national
committee to consider the advisability
cf changing the date of the ceremony
f,r the Inauguration of the President
CT the United States. has issued call
frr a meeting of the committee on
riov. s. The committee is composed
CT the governors of all the states and
territories and fifteen residents of the
District of Columbia.
The Elbert County tribune., 1905-10-26

+ Scarcely less dangerous than the
spring ava1anches. or 'grundlawinen." /"
caused by melting snow or the burst
ing of glacier lakes and reservoirs, are
the wonderful ice avalanches, or '.e.s-
lawinen," which are among the won
ders and perils of the Jungfrau, the
Matterhorn. the Piz Bernina, and mar.y
other famous glazier-clad mountains.
These marvellous falls of glfttering.
cleaning ice consist OF thousands of
tons OF shattered, twisted seracs. or ice
needles, which have fallen from the
glaciers and been precipitated down
!. the mountain by the heat of the sun
and the action of the weadner.
these huge falls or cataracts OF ice
are q terrible danger for the climber
who rashly ventures without a guide
into their vicinity after sunrise. Not
long ago a party Of Zermatl climbers
went without guides to admire the
seracs of the famous Z'mutt glacier.
AS they slowly moved away th6y
heard behind them a mighty roar Ike
that of the discharge of heavy artil-
lery, which was fiercely echoed and re-
echoed by thousand crags and peaks.
of Ice in huge blocks and mighty,
splintered columns fall on the very
spot where few moments before thoy
had all been standing.
Nine athletic young members OF the
Ski Club. mostly Englishnen, while
making an excursion from Lucerne Ia
March. were caught in bad snow
avalanche. One of the party, Swiss.
was hurled over precipice and killed
outright. while the others, after being
rolled in the snowy mass for many
hundr of feet, miraculously escaped
with only minor scratches and bruises.
Some Recent Disasters.
One huge snowslide on the Jura
mountains buried seven children, of
whom two were killed; while an ava
lanche at Lovrana carried away the
roof and upper floor of the village inn.
Dutch student named Rijkens, from
the Federal College, while glissadins
down steep snow slope at Susten Ia
June, started an avalanche which car
ried him away and flung him into a
rocky torrent, where his body was
found with the skull fractured and
both arms broken; while within the
last fortnight three fatal as well as
any number of less serious accidents
have occurred owing to avalanches OF
various sorts.
Only a few days ago the well-kno~ ii
Russian author. Leykow, almost lost
his life. With three friends he was
endeavoring to scale the highest peak
Of the Presanella group. He was
struck on the head by a large stone.
and fell from his foothold, dragging
his companions with him. They all
fell a considerable distance, but, owing
to great, good luck, none except Ley
kow was really seriously injured. An
avalanche of stones was also the cause
OF the death of Prof. Alois Kimmerie,
who a few days ago was found dying
at the foot Of precipice between
Hochtor and Johnsbach, in the Aus
trian Alps. He had been lying In
The Elbert County tribune., 1905-10-26
Instructor Has Held MANY Offices,

DIR. David H. Buel. the new president
OF Georgetown university. is son of
Col David H. Buel. u. S. A. He was
rra iuated from Yale in 1888 and has
ieen successfully instructor in classics
1T Holy Cross college, in classics and
higher mathematics at st. Francis
,avier's college, professor of physics
1t st. Johns college and of physics
sud mechanics at Georgetown univer.
sity.