The Caldwell tribune., 1905-04-29

OotIy--HeB one of those mon who
wont take no for an answer. Madge
what are you going to do? Dolly
ny nS, ten him yes.-Town Topics. .
Fnend-What 1s hope? Poet-It's
sometn1ng that wakes you up ut four
O'Clock In the morning when the post
man doesn't come around till ten
y Rams Horn. 49,, .sa. "A g.. -s:5
ae-My father is banker. and has
never been inside a theater in his life.
she-Really2 Ny father is an actor.
ana has never been inside a bank in
his life.-Judy.
Newr1ch-How'd you get along at
the dnner2 Mrs. Newrich-Fine.
When they eat pie with a fork, / done
IT, too, 90 as not to let 'em see their
break.-New York Sun.
/ Judge-The Eext person who inter-
ruptS the proceedings of this court
VIII be expelled from the room! Pris-
oner-Hoo-ray! Whoopee-ee! Now,
femme go!-Chicago News.
BANK President-We're ruined! The
cashier has absconded with one hum
ared Thousand dollars. Director
Don't get excited. He has left a note
onering to take us into partnership.
Mrs. Oatcake reading newspaper)-
Gracious me! Mr.. Murdock has been
arrested. 1t was discovered that he
had twenty wives, and all are living!
FARMER Oatcake-O-oh! another case
or Brigham-y.-Puck.
Boarder (warmly)-Oh, know ev-
cry enc Of the tricks Of your trade,
Do you think l have lived In boarding
houses twenty years for nothing {?
Landlady (frigidly)-I shouldn't be at
all surprised.-New Yorker.
LET me see, a cynic is aman who
10 tired Of the world, il he not?" the
young student of language asked.
me, ne, my child" replied the know
ing tutor; "a cynic is a man of whom
the wsrld is tired" Pick -Me-Up.
The Senator-Why mustn't l vote
for that bill? Consituent-Becaus
the people don't want 1t. Senator. The
Senator-What have the people got
to dc with 1t? Amt election over,
hey?-Lcuisville Courier-Journal.
After the wedding: He-What are
you crying for, love? She-Over
papa's wedding present-boo-he
He-Why, what's the matter with it?
She-1t's nothing but receipted bill
for the gas we used up during our
courtship.-Pick-Me-Up.
Uncle John-So you don't like your
teacher, Tommy? Tommy (savagaly)-
No, dent. l wisht he was at the
bottom Of the sea! Uncle John-Oh,
ceme now, Tommy! That's too much
to say. Tommy-Well, wtsht he
was at the bottom Of Jones' mill pond,
then.-Philadelphia Press.
Just resentment: Young Husband
Bertha, did you ask the grocer to
show you some Of those seedless beans
was telling you about this morning?
Young Wife-Yes, and If you want
your slippers warmed before you put
them on you can warm them yourself,
sir. I won't.-Chicago Tribune.
The Man-Your daughter telephoned
me to call and fix your piano. Her
Father-What's the matter with it?
The Man-One Of the strings is
broken. Her Father-What will 1t
cost to repair the broken string2 The
Man-Two dollars. Her Father
Well, here's $5. Break the rest Of
'em.-Chicago News.
paw" asked little Johnny, whats
a compromised" THAT, my son." re-
piled the wise father, depends on
whom it's made with. For instance,
If / make a compromise with busi-
ness man, I go about half way. But
If l make a compromise with your
mother, why. I-er-I 60 all the way"
Houston Chronicle.
what do you think Of Keats ode
on a Grecian UrnT" asked Mrs. Old
Castle as they slipped their tea In the
MAGNIFICENT library. II think" her
hostess replied. '1f he'd of been a
gentleman he'd of paid 1t. Josiah says
people never ought to have luxuries
that they have to get trusted for
Chicago Record-Herald.
'Now, try to remember" SAID the
teacher, "that Horatius won his glory
by his performance at the bridge. AL
ways keep that thought in mind and
it will help you to be brave and
noble" HUH sneered Johnny,
THAT amt nothin'. You see my pa
and ma at bridge almost every night
in the week."-New York Herald.
''I wish to get excused this after
nSon," said Bizzlethorp, as he ap-
the general managers desk;
..yeu see they've put me down to act
as a pailbearer at a funeral" Ger
tainly; 60 ahead. But you don't seem
to feel very sad about it." 'No. He's
the fellow my wife has always been
holding up to me as a model
Chicago Record Herald.
Mrs. Pugh-Our minister says he Is
going to change the last part Of the
service. Mrs. Knave-Does he think
he can improve it? Mrs. Pugh-No,
but he thinks it's necessary. Instead