The Kendrick gazette. [volume] (Kendrick, Idaho) 1892-1968, 1905-12-29
Humorous


perfect tense Of the verb ito investT'
Johnny-To investigate.-New York
Sun.
Il say, Jean, won't you lend Paul .
fiver~ Does he need 1t badlyT 81
should say sol He wants to pay back
what he owes mev'-Les Annales.
First Old Lady-He was bad char.
acter; but believe he repented at last
Second Old Lady-Oh, no, he didn't,
l saw that he died intestate.-London
Globe.
"Whata beautiful hat you're wearing
to-day" "I'm 80 glad you like 1t. You
have such good taste" Eyes, / had
one just like it-last year."-Meggen-
dorfer Batter.
Poor old Henpeck leads dogs life
with his wife," "Well, why on earth
doesn't he apply for divorceg "He
says he wanted to, but she wouldn't
let him."-Ex.
If man smiles and looks pleased
when you pay him a compliment, pay
him another one. In time you may be-
able to borrow money from him.-Som-
erville Journal.
MY DOCTOR" said Billyuns, has or
dered me to take more exercise"
what are you going to do" Have
the ticker moved across the room from
my desk."-Ex.
Young Mother-The doctor says You
shouldn't kiss the baby; 1t isn't SAM
tary. Old Neighbor-Poor little fel-
low-why don't you wash him?-De-
troit Free Press.
Victim-What has happened? Where
am 1? Doctor-You have been serious.
ly injured in a trolley accident. But
cheer up-you will recover. Victim
How much?-Ex.
Bank Cashier-You have overdrawn
your account, madam. Lovely Lady
That is just like me! My husband says
am always exaggerating everything
l-Somerville Journal.
Mamma-Of course you said, "Oh,
| this is so suddenv when Tom finally
proposed. Daughter-No; fully in
tended to, but l was so excited for
got and exclaimed, "At last"-Ex.
"Oh, Mr.. Brown, why did you leave
the Christian Science Church 2" Real
ly, Miss Jones, If you will have the
truth, got SO awfully tired of being
SO persistently cheerful all the time"
Life.
| First AUTHORITATIVE you sold many
| ~
(absently)-Wonderful. Over a hum
dred thousand First Author-When
was 1t issued? Second Author-Nexa
Tuesday.-Life.
Mother-Bobby, begged papa for.
an hour to-day to buy a pony, but he
\ won't do it. Bobby Indignantly
Why didn't you burst into tears1
Couldn't you do that much for mel
New York Mail.
Il understand that your boy is get
ting an education" "Yassuh," answer
ed Uncle Raspberry, IAN mebbe he's
dom better'n dat. / honestly b'lievea
he's gittin' sense along wifi it,
| Washington Star.
"Did tn docther find out what it II
that's ailin' yezT mo. He said the
nawthin' but a postmortem examine
ton wud iver reveal ut. An haven'A
enough curiosity about ut to have ut
done."-Cleveland Leader.
Dear pop" wrote the boy from the
art school, don't send me any more
money! have saved half that which
NO In of
home" wired the old man, you'll
never make an artist."-Puck
Chief-Do you mean to say that you
haven't been able to get single clew
as to the perpetrator of this crime7
Detective-Naw. Them newspaper re-
porters is down on me and they Won't
tell me anything.-Cleveland Leader.
Reporter understand that one OF
your guests committed suicide lase
night by hanging himself out Of Q
third-story window. Lodging house
Keeper-Well, there was such room
er In the air for a while.-Town Top
les.
Alice rushed In from the garden.
where she had been picking flowers.
She was badly stung by a bee, and
was holding on to her finger and sob
bling pitifully. "Oh, mamma" she
cried, II burned me on a bugr'--
Brooklyn Life.
Young Lady repeating conversations
to deaf old gentleman)-Mis Frillss
says It gave her such a fright Deaf
Old Gent-Eh? / didn't quite
Young Lady-Such fright! Deaf Old
Gent-Ah, yes--I agree with you-se
she isl-Punch.
81 suppose. madam" said the archi-
tect, "you will want an electrolier put
in the drawing-roomT "Sure," an
swered Mrs. Neurich; II don't know
how to play one, but I'll begin taking
lessons at once. regardless of COST
Chicago Daily News.
by the way, what has become Of
Browns book, One Hundred Short
Cuts to Wealth. that he was working
90 hard ,tpon la NJ vaor9V ssnh n-o,u-