Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1905-01-06
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She-Do you believe that ignorance
is bliss? He naively)-Why? She
You seem SO happy.-Yale Record.
Nell-How do you like my new pho
tograph? Bell-Lovely! never should
have known that it was you.-Somer.
vile Journal.
Book Agent-Now, sir, can I sell
you an encyclopedia. Old John-Noa,
1 don't think so. I'm tew old to ride
now.-Punch.
Heater all, you know, there's
nothing to beat good musical com.
edy! She (hesitating)-No; except,
perhaps, Shakspeare-Exchange.
Goodwin hear you gave twenty
five dollars to help repair the church
Graspit-You have been misinformed.
I merely subscribed that amount
Chicago News.
Friend-Why do you allow your
daughter to bang the piano SO hard?
Papa-Pm hoping she'll either sprain
her wrist or bust the instrument
Chicago News.
$50 you were at Mrs. Marrable's
dinner yesterday, Flossie. What was
the menu likeY' 81 really can't tell
you, for didn't take any. It's a thing
very seldom toch.'
Teacher suppose you know, Har.
~, that in keeping you after school
punish myself as well as you? Harry
Yes, MN; that's why 1 sdon't mind
it.-Boston Transcript.
mo, won't give You piece of my
apple" snapped his sister. .'You mean
thingvv said the boy. Wasn't it HE
that spoiled the piano, SO that you
didn't have to practice for a week?"
Ernie -Gussie Sapp says if refuse
him he will go away and join either
the Japanese or Russian army. Belle
Then accept him. Those nations
have enough trouble already.-Chi-
cago News.
| Harold-Did your charity ball real
ize anything for charity2 Dolly-Well,
rather. Old Jabez Gotrox sat in a
draught, got pneumonia, died next day.
and left ten thousand dollars to an Or
phan asylum.-Puck.
Miss Peppery-She says you appear
to have habit Of telling all you know.
Cholly-Fawncy! Why nevah met
her till lawst evening, and then only
for five minutes. Miss Peppery-
Wen?-Philadelphia Ledger.
"Yes, he began here as an Office
boy" "And, suppose, mastered ev-
cry detail Of the business, so that be
could take charge Of the great estab.
lishment" "No, he married the senior
J partners daughter. er."-Exchange.
Simpson-Williams has always q
good supply Of nice fresh eggs. How
does he get them? Thompson-His
neighbors all keep fowls and never
i lock their fowlhouse doors. Simpson
All, see! Poached eggs, Ell?
"Shall get of this end of the carr
said lady to the conductor on a
Santa Fe train the other day, as II
pulled into Topeka. "Just suit your
self, madam" said the conductor
both ends STOP Topeka Capital.
The Parson-I intend to pray that
you may forgive Casey for havins
thrown that brick at you. The Patien'
, -Mebbe yer nv-rence 'ud be saving
tonne If ye'd just wait till Oh git wei
an then pray for Casey.-BrooklyI
Life.
. He poses as reformer, doesn'
he?" "Oh, he's worse than reform
er His ideas would upset the whole
: social and business world. He says i
he had his way he'd put in Jail every
body who ought to be there. ."-Phila
delphia Press.
| "Yeu can't keep a good man down,
said the boarder who has a mania TO
! quotations. "Unless," observed tn
fluffy haired girl who typewrites he
cause she needs the money, "he has {
seat in crowded car. Then you can
: : get him up."-Chicago News.
: Mrs, Jones-I think it's the mos
= ridiculous thing to call that man II
u the bank a teller" Mrs. Johnson
;, Why? Mrs. Jones-Because he simpl
won't tell at all. I asked one to-da
how much my husband had on deposi
4 there, and he just laughed.-Tit-Bits
E Young Lady-You are a wonderful
y master of the piano, hear. Professo
). Won Spieler hired for the occasion)-
! blay aggompaniments zometimes
:, Young neutrality-suspicious. to sing
ing? Professor Won Spieler-Aggon
paniments to gonyersa tions.-Ne1
York Weekly.
Mrs. Albee-Of course, you marie
}. Mr.. Bebee for love? Mrs. Bebee-Wel
d yes, l suppose you would call it tina
I married him to protect him from n
:. less than three widows in our stree
: If 1 hadn't snapped him up, one c
l. them would have been sure to get hin
d Boston Transcript