Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1905-04-08
GOT CAUGHT AT LAST

D T.
II hateoto think Of It," unused the man.
but her head Is of the general dimen-
sions of the head Of the household ant"
It was with reference to the wife of his
bosom that the man gave expression to
this muse i
She lay in bed, peacefully sleeping.
He sat In a rocker beside the bed. With
his thumb between the pages where
he had left Off reading. the volume lay
idly In his lap.
The volume was Omar. He had been
reading the Rubayiat to her. 1t needs
not to be isaid that his position was in
defensible
Or course she had gone to sleep. Any
properly-organized woman, of healthy
and normal mind and body, is bound to
relapse into slumber If, after her regu-
lar hour for slumbering has arrived, the
RuDaiyat be droned to her-even If the
droner be the overload Of the fief. the
main squeeze of the household. There
isn't anything especially enlivening
about Omar, even If he does sound real
doggily dissipated.
khayyam is good stuff for the man
VINO s s1II ne knows how to read aloud:
ard Allah alone knows how many men Of
this Kind there are who impose Omar, and
the like, upon their faithful and devoted
wives after taps has sounded and the
iAehSS oilOulu 20 out. IN spite Oh neT
heroic effort. this particular devoted and
falthruI wife just couldn't help going
to sleep.
To her, the room became a grooming
sea. illumined by soft purple lights, and
she was lifted on board her barque and
swept out upon the murmursOme sea-
which is a rather roundabout way of
saying that she just went to sleep.
Her wfde-awake husband, his voice
somewhat choked and muffied by what
he considered the effectiveness and
beauty of his rendering of the lines,
suddenly looked up from the page before
him.
He did not expect tumultuous applause
and vociferous cheers from the bed, but
he confidently expected to find his spouse
dissolved in tears.
Instead, he found her sound In sleep,
at that
It was at this point that he delivered
himself of the muse that starts off this
truthful narrative
mo appreciation of, no love for, the
beautiful of life and story and verse
And plenty of other rot like this did
the man chop into a mental hash with
which to feed his belief that he was
abused.
Yet for many nights-for the entire year
Of nights, in fact. since they had been mar
ried-had he thus been using up her beauty
sleep with his prolonged dronings from the
''Idylls of the King "Childe Harold
'Sordello'' and such.
And this was the first time she had re-
lapsed into slumber under the intiiction.
Now a man can be what is called a sad
dog and still be enamored of the sound of
his own voice rendering Omar and things
Which is why this man, regarding, with
a martyred expression, his deep-sleeping
wife, gave a sudden start, and why an ex-
preston of craftiness crept into his eyes.
Why he unused again, quite unpoes1c-
ally, that's a bully good idea
He rose softly from the rocker, tptoed
TO he chandelier turned the
lights, all but one, which he turned down
very low, and then skunk downstairs.
Then he took his hat and coat from the
rack and went down town, where he met
up with the old gang of his bachelor days,
and played billiards; with them, and smokeu
with them. and told funny stories with
them, and imbibed mountaineering things
with them. ~ .. ~,
He got home after the middle of the
night and found his spouse still slumbering
When he sneaked into bed he murmured
We'll, if this isn't a hot gag and a sood
thing to be pushed right along, I'm Ber-
muda onion.
She said at the Breakfast table the next
morning: Why, Jack, 1 really must have
gone to sleep while you We're reading to
me last night. How stupid of me-"
Stupid? Why, not stupid at ALL said
he, amiably. That's what 1 read to you
for, my dear--to read you to sleep, y know
Want you to go to sleep every night while
I'm reading to you Him likes to tee him
lUty pity llHS 80 IL teep WItI Z Gus " iiei.
etc.-for it should be understood that this
man is a past master in the gentle science
of conology.
why, do you, really?'' she inquired
How good Of you. 1 thought 1 really had
to remain awake. Not that / don't intensely
enjoy your reading, but l do get SO sleepy.
And SO you don't mind my going to sleep?'
OF course he didn't mind. He'd be a brute
if he did mind. And
The game went with a whirl that same
night, and Cor about two weeks of nights
thereafter. He'd read to her for about
half an hour or so, and then he'd say:
Now here, my dear, is dreamy,
sleepy old part of it, and you just want to
close your eyes while 1 read it, and go
drifting off to 90 itty Oh land of nod ETC.,
etc.
born unsuspicious, she'd go to sleep every
time.
Then. as per program, he'd turn down
the lights, crawl downstairs. and go down
town to foregattler with the bunch and
have fun and, miraculously enough,
never once did she awaken when he sneaked
in and went to bed.
OF course, she noticed that he began to
look pretty rocky at the breakfast table
and that he didn't appear to care to par
take heartily of that meal, except as to
the coffee part of it. and she worried
good deal as to the state of his health, and
as to how he must De over"orkeo at the
office
But she didn't catch on.
"Never caught on at ALL said the man,
In laying bare his infamy to an intimate
friend. until last Thursday night Then
she nailed me on the home plate.
thought she had me out at first base. but
she didn't
"Y'see, after reading her to sleep. / was
sneaking over to turn down the light, when
she shifted a bit, and her eyes half opened.
and she asked me why l wasn't in bed.
Told her l was just about to come to bed.
Then l fooled around bit, and she turned
over. and I thought she went to sleep
again. blamed if l didn't. But she didn't
go to sleep again at all.
when | got home a about half-past one
was stepping a teenchy bit high, at that
she Law there wide awake and cheerful.
Had a nice time, JACKIE she asked me.
81 knew it was all up then. didn't make
any confessions 1t wasn't necessary. She
knew all about it, and knew she knew.
"'Does him ike to have him itty bitty
ting go to teep when he eeds to her?' she
asked me afrectionately, and / wasn't say
ing a word / went to sleep. She hasn't
even mentioned it since. But the reading
aloud has been cut out at our camp, and
I've been feeling more or less like half
lap ven ever since / was discovered as
the heavy man says
You can fool some of the wives all of
the time, and all of the wives some of the
time but-etc,, etc.,