davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-10-19
HUMOR OF THE DAY

Farmer Foddershucks-We them
actresses is pretty an they're certain
" rugged out scandalous enough heF
anybody, but can't understand NOR n
half they say. They're ALI talktn at
onct. What's the show about. any
how?
city Nephew-Sh-h! Why. uncle.
the curtain hasn't gone up yet-you re
looking at one of the boXes!--CIeVe-
land Leader.
Rastus-yv ali dishyer dat All heah
bout dem sausages coming outen a noe
an den goin' back in when dey sees deyr
Uncle Lulze-G'van way. chile. wild yoh
ign'rance. Tain't no sassage, MT ; q
groun hog.
Rastus-XVell, if sassage amt grotn' hog,
den All doan' know whut is.-Star Of Hope
(Sing Sing PRISON..
But. my dear fellow, I tell you its i'm
possible for the moon to be inhabited
SVhen it is fun it is all right, but yacn e
wanes down to a little crescent. where me
deuce would all the people go TO .--IfeIls-
lated Tor Tales from lie Rire
Young Thorne cto his ideaD-And your
name is Rose? What a sweet name Rose
Rose-r am glad you like it. But--but--
but do not want to be a rose without a
VIII What could fellow say after that?-Ex-
change
A Cincinnati woman who is noted for her
amiabilty says she acquired the habit OF
cheerfuiness by saying the following to
| herself every time she felt inclined 70
'The cows in the hammock,
The cats in the lake.
The children are in the garbage can,
Cincinnati Times-Star.
| You can't imagine" said the musical
I Young woman. how distressing 1t is when
a singer realizes that she has lost her
Perhaps not" replied the plain man.
but I've got q fair idea how distressing
/ it is WHEEL she doesn't realize it. 2--Chlcago
| Journal
Milton-Gfbson doesn't seem to be get
ting rich at poultry raising;
/ Bilton-No. but he says his hens nave
taken to eating their own eggs, ana ne
has hopes that they'll become self-sup-
| porting.-New Yorker.
According to Andrew Lang there are 50
words in the English language for which
no rhyme can be found.
Mr.. Lang's statement is received and
filed and the secretary IS directed 70 re-
turn to him a vote OF thanks.-Cieveland
Plain Dealer.
But asked the first coed, why did
you elect to take up the study Of French
:sWei. replied the other, "the French
professor was SO awfully handsome, you
know. Philadelphia Press
Tramp ito autoist)-Arister. give a poor
AutoistINot even a scent. Get out OF
the road.-Buffaio Enquirer
/ Lawyer (anably) = Fine day. your
Magistrate Cgrunly)-Fine day. all right.
Fifty and costs for your client.-Baiti-
more American.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-10-19

Los Angeles is credited with having
more POLITICALLY inclined members of
the human tribe than any city in the
United States, barring possibly Bos-
ton.
\ local editor last week had the
privacy of his sanctum sanctorum in
vaded by one of the cult" and this
is what ensued:
The long-haired caller evidently was
indignant. AS he rose to go with a
bundle under his arm that looked
spspiciously like arejected manuscript.
he snapped:
Poets are born, sir; poets are
BORN
Exactly responded the eminently
practical editor. And then, suaveiy,
You didn't imagine I thought they
were Matched, did you?"
q mean, sir. they are born; born,
born, sir-do you understand? p
"Assuredly," and the editor rubbed
his chin rehectively; but why are
they?"
This was the straw that fractured
the spinal column of the camel, and
the Shakespeare-in-di disguise stalked
out into the dreary old world.-Los
Angeles Express.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-10-19
Graphic.

l. E. Riddle of the Kansas City En-
cheering company used to live in Min
nesota and was talking the other day
about the Twin City feud.
minnesota and st. Paul hate each
other Incredible to all save Mime
sotans is the mutual aversion that
shoulders in these fair cities hearts.
This aversion never lessons. On the
contrary, it is being daily increased.
Thus:
"A st. Paul man was invited to Min
neapolis to make a speech. It was
hoped that in his speech he would say
pleasant things for Minneapolis It was
hoped that his speech would, maybe
bridge the breach between the two
towns.
but, alas, this is the way the St
Paul mans speech began:
i" When a man from Minneapolis
does good deed. his townsmen erect
a monument-in his honor. There are
no monuments in Minneapolis. The
Independent.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-10-19

What a relief it is not to have to
urge people to register at this sea-
son of the year. as they are doing in
Chicago. Ohio and other communities
where they are still cursed with cleo
tons in of years.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-10-19
Leeford 80 oficial

j. Leeford Brady oficially an.
nounces that no Democrat will be
elected to congress from the Second
district and he warns all his Demo-
cratic friends that it win do them nc
good to 'perk up their ears and take
notice. just because the Republicans
are lighting a little among themselves
This, of course is omcial
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-10-19

The Colby Free Press expresses its
belief that If Tom Kelly can raise the
money to finance it, there viii be a
political revolt ia Kansas next year.
Wen. Tom has never had any trouble
raising the money heretofore-bu per-
haps it will be different now that the
state money is put out under the new
daDosftorv law
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-10-19

After j. r Burton-Who? asks
a headline in an exchange. Well
Mitchell came soon after Burton. and
now Congressman Williamson is in the
tolls It doesn't cost anything to guess
on who will be the next.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-10-19

Jndge Baker of- Indiana. is. charged.
with asking somebody to make a cam
paign contribution, and congress may
be asked to imDeach him. Just mag
inc congress impeaching anyone on
such a charged
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-10-19

What a blessing it is that Attorney
General Coleman is so easily satisfied,
He went all the way to Washington to
ask the United States supreme court to
hurry up and hear the Kansas-Colo-
RADIO case by next spring. but the court
said it would give another year to the
matter. Vow Mr.. Coleman is "satis.-
ffaa
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-10-19

President NcCurdy complains that
the insurance examination is really an
inquisition. That's correct. The coun.
try wishes to md out few things
about this Insurance business, and the
only way to do it is to linguistic a little.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-10-19

Senator AIdrich has put on his specs
and carefully examined the existing
tariffs, but he can see nothing wrong
with them. Which is not surprising
says the Washington Post, inasmuch
as thew were made to suit him.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-10-19

There was some opposition to the
resolution asking the mayor to remove
Chief Goodwin, on the ground that it
would "blacken the chiefs reputation
for all time to come Some people are
inclined to doubt that.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-10-19

Stories about big sweet potatoes. big
watermelons. two crops of fruit year.
heavy yields OF corn, and the like are
SO common in the Kansas papers this
year that the exchange editors have
become extremel3 tired of them.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-10-19

a Philadelphia man is worrying be-
cause he received twenty dollars in a
letter to which no name was signed
and the Chicago Record Herald nomi.
mates him for first vice president Of
the Analgamated Association of Bor.
rowers Of Trouble. What sort of job
would the Record Herald give TOm
xelit, who has made all sorts OF trou-
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-10-19

The New York Life Insurance com
pany is sending out little cards bearing
the words. Forget It." OF course
that's what President Mccall would
like to have the people do, but Will
ahaw
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-10-19
THE RIGHT PRINCIPLE.

The principle laid down by Governor
Folk in regard to the handling of the
trust funds of the insurance COM
panies and all other corporations is
good. The trustees of such funds
should be held to as strict account
anlity for misuse of the same as
should public officials in caring for the
money OF the people. An Insurance
official has no more right to misuse the
FUNDS OF the policy holders than has a
state treasurer to convert a states
money to his own use.-Salina Union.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-10-19
FROM OTHER PENS
THE AMERIcAN NAIN.

It is said that in Europe the opinion
is gaining ground that the United
States Is destined to control all the
territory washed by the Caribbean, sea-
1t is an opinion not far wrong. The
old fiction of the Spanish main was
finally exploded in 1898. 1t is the
American main for all time.-Portland
Press.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-10-19

bic because he received a letter signed
"a r. Brown and containing some
thing over 5000?
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-10-19
THE -RIGHT WORD.

The word graft has been so much
overworked that it is advisable to use
STEAL especially as that tells the
story in most cases.-Louisviile Post.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-10-19

you can't work too much nor too
hard" says Thomas A. Edison, and
every CRATER VIII undoubtedly agree
with Thomas, provided they can find
enough victims to work.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-10-19
ENCOURAGING.

The most encouraging sign of the
times, is that so many grafters in high
finance are being caught and uncov-
cred Let the good work go on
Sabetha Republican-H Herald.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-10-19

A Frenchman predicts shat we shall
all live in glass houses before long. A
large number have already moved in,
but they do not seem to be over happy
IN their quarters.-New York Tribune.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-10-19

Governor JEFF Davis of Arkansas has
decided to ignore President Roosevelt
while the president is in the south. An
other instance of Roosevelt luck.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-10-19

There is a disquieting suspicion in
Philadelphia that the Republican or
ganizat ton corrupt and discredited, is
trying to sneak back into power. The
Quaker City reformers are in a fair
way to discover that eternal vigilance
is the price of continued good local
government.=Prov tInd.) Jour
nal
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-10-19


Looking about in Hongkong for
congenial household wherein to make
my home for a few weeks, I fell in
with a most friendly Chinaman-an ell
derby person whose family consisted of
himself, his wife, several children, two
sampans and certain wooden gods OF
various sizes and degrees Of power. I
supposed to own everything, including
the gods for a period of three months,
with board in the bargain. The food
was good, too, well seasoned and pail
atable, though 1 did not always know
just what [ was eating. I gained flesh
and I really saw something of China
i during those three months. The old
man found his chief occupation in be-
ing head of the household and snok.
ing opium. While his wife did washing
for the vessels in the harbor, and ran
the two sampans. She also acted as
my foster mother and sometimes took
me in q sampan to collect or deliver
the establishment among the ships of
my acquaintance. Often my foster
sisters" took me in tow and we visited
| the neighbors or some theater, or took
delightful rambles into the country,
climbing the terraced hiIlsides to get
| enjoyed being Jack in Clover" for the
time, and acquired a great fondness
for the Chinese life as I saw it. AS
! sailor I had let my hair grow long
and I now braided it in a pigtail, put
on the national costume, and with tar
land a little tint applied by my merry
| relations" I passed we'll enough fol-
1 and to perpetrate number of jokes.
one OF which came near landing me in
a Chinese prison, if not on the execu.
/ ton block.-Pearson's Magazine.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-10-19

France is bound to pick a quarrel
somewhere. If she cant get it in Mo-
rocco she viii have. it in Venezuela.
She has warships headed both ways.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-10-19
WON'T AIL.nW IT

Mr.. Rockefeller advises young men
TO turn their thoughts to higher things
than mere money-getting- Perhaps he
is afraid of infringement on his copy
right.@BaItimore American.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-10-19

Why doesn't President McCurdy
claim he did it all to win a bet, in
stead OF refusing to answer the ques-
tions2
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-10-19

Man invented the folding bed, the
carpet sweeper. the. gas stove. the
clothes wringer. the meat chopper and
nearly every other labor saving device
for women Yet men are charged
with having no interest in women S
work. AS well charge the Indian with
injustice to his squaw.-Nashville
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-10-19

John d. Rockefeller predicts hard
times in 1907, and from the way Tar
bell. Kansas & Co. are going after him
we should thing he had the date about
we should think he had the date about
right.-BostOn Globe.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-10-19

It takes a fisherman to appreciate
the depth OF affection that goes with
Kentucky reel to Grover Cleveland
Boston Herald.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-10-19

Tt seems to take a long time for a
hint to soak into Chief Goodwin.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-10-19

What a good thing it is that Mr.
Rockefeller doesn't make US pay for
all the advice he hands out to US!
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-10-19

steel rails are going up. Have you
laid in your winters supply?
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-10-19

RESULTS or TeUN-TOTING.

lAIlYthtf SHOOTING scrape betWeeH
neighbors in Washington county is
likely to result in one more murder
trial for that unfortunate, gun-toting
county.-Ciay Center Times.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-10-19

What does tornado mean by break
ing loose in Illinois at this time Of
year?
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-10-19

The state Journal Is a member Of the
Assocta ted Press and receives the run cay
telegraph report OF that great news s or
ganiEation for exclusive evening pupA-
cation Ga Topeka.
The State Journal receives for eEetslslye
publication the leased wire report OF tAs
Publishers Press for the edition Tor sun
day morning.
The news is received in the state Jour
nal buildiag over wires for this sole pur-
pose.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-10-19
IN PHuADELPHIA

Addition, division and silence are
the three rules of conduct OF munich
pal plunderers. Silence is represented
BY the academy of music closed be-
cause the ringsters have pre-empted it
for every Saturday night until the
eIection.-Ph Philadelphia Record.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-10-19

The Brooklyn Eagle calls attention
to the fact that 500 robberies have
been committed in New York city
since July l. That's not a bad show
ing. considering the fact that many of
the best robbers have been passing the
heated term away from New York
washington Post
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-10-19

Every now and then" he remarked
from his tilted chair behind the cold
stove IN the livery stable Office, "some-
BODY comes to me and tells me that
the automobile will drive the horse to
the wall as sure as shooting, and pity
him 1 pity him because he knows 50
little about human nature. The
horSe'l II be driven out by automobiles
about the time that babies are driven
out by sawdust dolls, and not much
before.
DO you remember two or three
weeks ago when Sadie Mac had to quit
for good in the Charter Oak stake at
Hartford? Reeled and laid down like
tired child, as one writer put it. Peo-
pie were sorry from Maine to Cali
fornia- Every paper had an obituary
Wreck a racing car, the fastest ever
built and how many mourners would
there be? The owner, maybe. if he
escaped with his life. Yet Sadie Mac
was only an understood mare-doing
her best and doing it better than any
thing that's trotted in her class this
year, it's true, but nothing more than
q mare. What's the difference? AL
the difference in the world. The diff
ference between the living and the
or-die spirit that compels admiration
and the inanimate machine that
doeSn [. Take a clock that has stopped
forever, even a faithful clock, and you
Sr4At WlttiS q tear Jul u AilC ClAliuIS
with a force pump; but they'll cry as
If their hearts were broken over a
white mouse or a pet kitten or a st.
Bernard that's passed on to the animal
heaven. The steam engine and the
trolley haven't put horses out of COM
mission and the automobile won't,
still. hope for their sake that it'll take
a few of them out of the hands of the
brutal and ignorant who don't know
how to use them. Providence Jour
nal
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-10-19
WHICH IS IT?
GLASS HOUSES.

Is it Greater New York or Graft
New York ?-Washingto Post.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-10-19
Jerrv and zoo.

There We're several old fellows in con-
gress I used to like to get joke on,
said Jerry Simpson. in a reminiscent
mood. and one of these was Cannon
OF Illinois. 7 had made an anti-expan-
that il I had made that speech in Ma
Mia I would haveVb been tried by a drum
head court-martial and shot. When he
had finished I got un and said I would
lust as soon be shot in Manila for max
ing a sneech Of that kind as to be shot
in Congress by an old, smooth bore, brass
Cannon from Illinois Tom Reed enjoyed
that very much and he shook all over
with suppressed laughter He came up
to me afterward and said. THAT was all
right Jerry I forgive you lot of things
FOR that '1-Pittsburg Dispatch.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-10-19

w. B. Bingham had consulship
and after serving four years was not
reappointed. In Topeka the other day
he stated that he hoped to be appoint
ed to some other place in the service.
It is just that way. No sooner does
the average man get such a Job than
he gives up his business and becomes
a professional. 1t is the ruination of
most men to get public jobs. Mr.
Bingham viii spend the remainder of
his life trying to get some consulship.
Lawrence World
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-10-19

A New York millionaire shot him
self last week simply because he was
wanted and never knew the pleasure
Of earning it; having unlimited means
and unlimited time, he exhausted all
the sources of pleasure, and like a
pampefed child, who eats nothing but
sweets, cake and pastry. they palled
on him; happiness fed and his money
Knocked him. If you have to work
and get 50 tired that rest seems sweet.
so busy that little vacation or other
recreation brings pleasure, be thank
fui for it. If your toll brings you
enough money sosi you can make some
needed improvements, pay up the
debts, make the home a little brighter
and the family more comfortable, be
thankful for it. Human happiness
does not lie in great possessions but in
striving and in accomplishing, and in
making progress in the right direc-
tion.-Jewel Republican.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-10-19
NOT REAL FASHIONABLE.

sWhen EIlhu Root became. Secretary
Of state he resigned as director Eef Ill
the large corporations with which he
had been connected. When his assist
amt, Mr. Bacon. formerly OF the bank
ing firm OF J. P. Morgan & Co.. took
office. he followed Mr.. Roots example.
But this custom has not become epi-
demic in New York. Senator Depew
still remains director in seventy
larger corporations and Senator Plat
is still president of the United States
Express mpany.-Hutchinso News.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-10-19

But. my dear fellow, tell you It mn
possible for the moon to be H1habltee-
When it is fun it is all right, but when it
wanes down to a little crescent. where the
deuce would all the people go TO Trans
lated Tor Tales from lie Rire.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-10-19

Milton-Gibson doesn't seem to be get
ting rich at poultry raising.
BiIton-No. but he says his hens have
taken to eating their own eggs, ana ne
has hopes that they'll become seit-sup-
porting.-NeW Yorker.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-10-19

But asked the first coed, why did
you elect to take up the study of French
instead Of Ciermau?"
Well replied the other "the French
professor was so awfully handsome, you
know. ''-Philadelphia Press.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-10-19

You can't imagine" said the musical
young woman, how distressing 1t is when
a singer realizes that she has lost her
voice.
perhaps not" replied the plain man,
it is vvheT she doesn't realize it."-Chicago
Journal.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-10-19

Young Thorne Cto his ideaD-And your
name is Rose? What a sweet name Rose
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-10-19

A Cincinnati woman who is noted for her
amiability says she acquired the habit OF
cheerfuIness by saying the following 70
herself every time she felt inclined 70
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-10-19

City Nephew-Sh-hl Why, uncle,
the curtain hasn't gone up yet-you're
looking at one of the boxesi---Cleve-
land Leader.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-10-19

According to Andrew Lang there are 50
words in the English language for which
no rhyme can be found.
Mr.. Langs statement is received ana
fled and the secretary is directed to re-
turn to him a vote OF thanks--Cieveland
Plain Dealer.
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1905-10-11
A R N II E | VI
Broadway S Ninth Street.

Of xhs testimony before the Legislative COMMITTEES
eariier in the day as to the Mutual Lies contrbu-
tons 10 the national committee, said: i have no
comment to make at present.
TIE iestglstive committee it Is said, expects to
elliott some Interesting facts to the relations OF
With the FlnuitabIe Life Assurance Society when
the oficers of the Prudential take the witness
stand.
George F. Parker, the secretary of the Equitable
trustees announced yesterday that, as ex-Presi-
dent Grover Cleveland had been detained in Prince
ton the meeting OF the trustees had been post
poned from to-day until tomorrow lie said that
vaoancies now existing In the board OF directors.
II is expected that soon Mr.. Cleveland viii make
reriodcai visits to this city IN order TO pay still
closer attention to the work OF the trustees. espe-
ciaIly in the remaining months OF 1865.
c. r. yenner has again written to the trustees or
the New-York Life renewing his request that the
hoard demand the designations of President Mccall
and George w. Perkins.