The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-06-27

HUMoR OF THE DAY
Her lin the grand stand)-Why does the
man that throws the ball make all those
queer motions with his arms before he let's
Him-He's got to do something to justify
the salary they pay him It keeps the at
tention of the. crowd on him q little longer
Chicago Tribune.
viii somebody please chase the COW
who wanted some milk for his coffee
Here, Jane" said the landlady ironical-
" take the COW down where the car IS
bawling. kansas City Journal.
Paw. what does it mean where It says
here that the girls ideal was shattered
"Why,it means she found that she could
marry weather. man. Detroit Tribune.
What is your definition of an opti-
mist?"
IAN optimist is a man who has viii
power enough to make himself believe GER
tain things when he knows there is no
truth in them. Milwaukee Sentinel.
ever tell you about that beautiful heir
ess who once wanted me for a husband?
er told me a lie yet that know of.-Cleve-
land Leader.
Stranger-You seem to be always hav-
ing some kind of trouble here.
Citizen-My dear, sir, we make spe-
cialty here Of having all the kinds Of
trouble there are.-Chicago Tribune.
Nordy-There amt but one thing worse
than an end-seat hog.
Butts-What's that?
Nordy-A middle-seat hog when there's
a rain storm--Philadelphia Bulletin.
''If I refuse him I fear he viii do some
Nonsense, dear! He will merely be
grateful to you for giving him an excuse
to go and get very drunk cleveland
Leader.
Clergyman-And how is your poor hus-
band this morning. Mrs. Marley?
Mrs Marley-Thank ye, sir, 'e's no bet
ter. The doctors afraid morality Il set
in-The Sketch.
Most girls are very crazy to marry
sneered Bach to the maiden whom he sus-
pected OF caring for him.
They certainly are agreed she.
And then he thought quite q while over
the infection of her voice.-Houston Post
Uncle Tom (seventy)-You're getting too
old to play with the boys so much now.
JESSIE know. uncle: but the older I
get the better like it-Washington Star.
Cora-Lucy says she will only have a
servant in the house who is worse looking
Nora-That accounts for her always be-
ing without one.-JesteF.
.Tessis-They say she threw herself at
old Bilyuns.
Tom-Yes: he was eoot cateh--spo-
kane Chronicle.
Johnny-Papa, what is an optimism
Father-A man who will promise to go
to another picnic while attending one
Judge.
Tommy-Pop. what is the difference be-
tween charity and philanthropy
Iommy's Pop-Merely, my son. that
philanthropy can afford to hire g press
agent.-Philadelphia Record
Il suppose. senator" she said. there Is
no royal road to success in politics any
more than in anything else
NO" replied the statesman, .. the. only
way continues to be any way to win -
Chicago Reeord-Herald.
His Wife-They say every man has an
ideal woman that he never mentions to
Her Husband-Yes. I suppose so-iust as
is everlastingly throwing at her husbands
head.-Chieago Daily News.
Chemist(to poor woman)-You must take
this medicine three times a day after
meals.
Chemist passing on to next customer
Then take it before.-GlasgoW Evening
Times.
NIistress-Efary Ann, you have a new
beau in the Kitchen every week. Now this
must stop.
Maid-Well mum. if ye'd buy a betther
quality food I could keea EN- longer
than week, an wouldn't have 20 be
gftdn' new ones all tn time.-CleveIand
Leader.
Obadiah-IH never vote for that con-
gresham of our'n aSin.
BiIl-Why, he a1lus KEEP his promises an
he's one Of the smartest nien in the whole
blame country
OBADIAH don't keer If he's smart as
Daniel Webster There amt been a. single
durn one of his pumpkin seeds some IN
yit.-Indianapolis Star.
The Russian bear no longer walks like a
man. It hnps Ike goose after having
Deen run over by an automobile.-Chicago