Chicago eagle. [volume] (Chicago, Ill.) 1889-19??, 1905-02-18
Humorous

lolph, who was saving away. Cant
I? I've cut great deal tougher meat
than this at home"
Doctor--Ah! out for constitution.
al? She-Yes; walk two miles be-
fore breakfast every morning for my
Doctor-1s the drug store
SO far as that?-Exchange.
Mr.. A. Chromo?--Mrs. Newriche--
And who is this by? Picture Dealer
That is chrome. madam. Mrs.
yes, Of course 1t Is.
Now that you mention 1t, recognize
his style.
Softleigh--When 1--aw-awsked her
fob her hand in mawriage her bwutal
father thweatcned to-aw-bwain me,
doncher know. Miss Cutting--That's
just like her father. lie always was
fond of a joke.--Chicago Daily News.
Usual 1nvitation--A lady was asked
by another where she and her hus-
band had taken up their abode. "Oh,"
she replied. I'VE are living by the
canal mt present. We should be de-
lighted II you would drop In some even.
Ing"
A Proper Study.--wall Street-So
your son Is studying law. DO you ex-
pect that he will stick to 1t? Specu.
lator-Oh. no: just want him to know
enough about IL so that lie will be able
to evade 1t successfully. Free
Press.
A Fight I'm lt.--"As Shakespeare
says remarked Cassidy. who was
fond OF airing his book larnin' " oc.
whats In a name"
"Well," replied Casey, "call me wan
that OF don't like an Oill show ye."-
Philadelphia Press.
Bearitt-Things were awfully dull
on Change today. Absolutely moth.
ing doing I'm stocks. The buyers and
sellers failed to get together. Mrs.
Bearitt-Why don't you mark some Of
the stock down and advertise Il bar.
gain sale?-Chicago News.
"Aiaude graduated from your cook
Ing school last spring, didn't she"
ayes: but she's going to take a post.
graduate course this fall" Then she's
really going back to the school!' "Oh,
no; she's t. be married to a poor young
Standard Times.
A Real Curiosity.-rhat is a curious.
looking cane, major" said the visitor.
"A mementO of the war of the rebel
lion, | supposeI" "Yes, II Christmas
present" replied the old veteran. 1T
was made from the hollow log occu-
pied at the famous battle Of Bull
Run"
Lyles-Did you ever come across a
more conceited fellow than Bulger?
They say he II an atheist; and be.
lieve he Is. BOnter--l wouldn't like
to 20 30 far rs that: but l do know
that he doesn't recognize the exist.
ence Of superior being.-Town and
Country.
The Strange Hen--You'd hardly be.
lieve II, ladies'. but in that part Of
the country from which came in.
cubators are unknown. The Modern
Hen-Goodncss gracious! l suppose
the supplemented folk out that way
still believe that II hens sphere Is her
ncst.-Town Topics.
Directions for Use.-The inventor OF
a new feeding bottle for infants sent
out the following among his direc.
tons for using: "When the baby Is
done drinking It must be unscrewed
and laid In a cool place under the
hydrant. II the baby does not thrive
Oh fresh milk II should be boiled"
Deacon GOOd-Don't you think II
cruel for you to draw n fish out Of his
native element by sharp iron hook
Fisher Boy-lt's 10 fault OF mine.
When I'm just giving worm salt
water bath, what does fish want to
hook himself onto my line for? It's
no business of his.-l'oston Transcript.
Honest Policy.-An Irlshman some
gears ago entered Mr.. Hanna's office,
took off his hat politely and said: "'rhe
top of the mOrnin' to ye, Misther Han.
ma. I've been told ye're wantin' O.
help" II have very little to do" re.
piled Mr.. Hanna, with II quiet smile OF
humor. "Then," said the Irishman,
I'm the boy for ycz. It's little l care
about dom, sure; It's the money I'm
after
Explanatory Observation-Disclosures,
the cOlored washerwomnn, was com.
plainlng Of her husbands health to
one OF her patrons. He's ve'y poly,
ma'am: ve'y poly. He's got dat ex.
clamatOry rheumatism" "YOu mean
lnflammatory, Martha. Explanatory
IL from exclaim. which means TO cry
out" Eyes, MISS" answered Martha.
with conviction. 'dat's what 1t Is. He
boilers all de time"
At n public school one Of the boys
In a class had committed some grave
lnfraction of discipline. The teacher
announced that he would thrash the
whole class IL some one did not tell
him who had committed the offensc.
All We're silent, and he began with
the first boy and thrashed everyone In
the class until he finally reached the
last one. Then he said: "Now, II
you will tell me who did this, | won't
punish you" "All right, sir, did It,"
Scissors.