davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1905-09-17

by my chief l said with some dignity.
"Oh, YOU were. were you?' he rejoined
with a peculiar smile.
80 Yes. sir, | replied proudly, | was
THAT night I narrated the incident TO
nv chief and gave him the name Of the
man whom | had arrested and fined He
was silent, and l said a little anxiously-
Didn't l do the right thing: l was
following your directions.
.''Oh, yes, he replied sadly, YOU did
the right thing.
But YOU don't seem 10 enthuse.'
"'No, he said, with a melancholy
smile. the man YOU arrested Is the person
who had me appointed to the position
| hold"
1--WE have heard Of first inventions
and first arrests said the Statesman,
turning to the Journalist; now let us
hear OF your first assignment"
The young man hesitated. After .
moment he spoke III never forget it
Only new man in the business would
have been guilty of such rashness."
Tell it," cried the others in chorus.
well. it was this way" said the young
man. Late one night-almost at mid
night-the city editor told me that | was
to 90 up town and see a prominent
banker (yvho shall be known as John
JOnes). and ask him if it was true that
he had embezzled fifty thousand dollars
from a trust company The city editor
in sending me out said: The last man
1 sent on an assignment of this kind came
back without any results l want YOU
-. h. L, Il.
earnest effort to interview this man.
Sometimes they refuse to answer
the bell l suggested timidly-
THAT may be, he replied; but all I
ask is proof that youhave made the effort
4 went away somewhat obviously, and
in an hour or so returned to the Office
The city editor looked up as I entered.
Did you see your NAM he asked.
No, was my terse reply.
Did YOU try3' he asked, with a trace
of irritability in his voice.
For reply put my hand in my over
coat pocket and pulled out a porcelain
dOor-knob, to which was attached about
ten yards of wire, and laid 1t silently
on the city editors desk He looked up
with a smile.
Its all right, he said; YOU tried ''
The company looked over at the TcIe-
graph Operator as ii 10 say: It's YOUR
turn now" He understood the silent
inquiry. and responded IS follows.
Telegraph operators in their idle
moments have a habit OF talking to one
another over the wire. One night two
of these gentlemen spent considerable
time in exchanging views regarding
men with abnormal appctites- 1t was
queer kind OF conversation. but then
men who have lot of idle time ON their
hands are likely to do queer things. The
tick-tick of the sounder and receiver ON
that occasion ground out the following
dialogue
'''There's a man in this neighhorha.-
who has the biggest appetite OF any
human being in seven States.
Are you sure of that:
90 Certainly | am sure of It.
"'Well, I'm not. Your man May .e
all right: but we have "a man here ,-.-
can Outeat him and not know lc u..
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1905-09-17
/ 8


of yours, he said in a tone of poiteness.
Il gave him one look of disdaln, and
said: I'm a busy man; | have no time
to waste on blooming idiots like you.
Good-day, sirl'
The Inventor chuckled as he told this
story His beaming countenance showed
that he was filled to overlooking with the
milk of human kindness; but in spite OF
that fact he was overjoyed at the thought
of getting even" with the man who had
done him what he thought to be an injury.
The Statesman looked up as the In
ventor ceased speaking. Speaking OF
visionary things" he said, Il am re-
minded of an incident that occurred
shortly after | entered Congress. a con-
stituent of mine desired to obtain a posi-
ton in the POst-OfflCe Department.
Civil service had just come into vogue,
and at my suggestion he went into the
examination. He did well with arlth-
metic and the other fundamental re-
Quirements; but there was one question
that staggered this man, who had Tor
gotten a great many of the things he
learned while at school. 1t was this:
How near is the moon to the earth!
THE question must have reused his
slumbering passion, for he wrote this
answer: 1T is not near enough to in
terfere with the proper performance OF
the duties of the position for which l
am applying, ~ y
The Coroner looked up as the States
man had finished his little story. Speak
ing of thoughtless things" he said, re
minds me of an incident that occurred in
the ordinary routine OF M office. Some
of the experiences in the life OF Coroner
are pathetic, and some are ludiCrOus. 1t
seems to me that this particular case
was a mixture of both. a man called
at the office to examine body that had
been fshed out of the river. y friend
of his had mysteriously disappeared, and
he was going the rounds in an endeavor
to solve the mystery. The body that
had been found was not that of his
friend and as he was leaving l said:
1t will be a good thing if you leave
a description of your friend on file in
this office Dead bodies are being
brought here constantly, and it may
he possible that your description Will
assist in the Identification
He gave me the description in detail,
describing the size and complexion Of
the man, with the color and quality of
the clothing that he wore. As he passed
out of the office he yelled back:
'"There was one thing | forgot to tell
YOU Ny friend had an impeachment in
his speech. y
All of the men in the smoker laughed
at this story, but none more heartily than
the Detective The Inventor noted this,
and said to the thief-taker.
I've told about my first invention;
now you tell us about your first arrest. -
The Detective smiled grimly at the
recollection of his early days, and said:
The chief under whom l first served
was one of the finest men | ever knew.
When | asked him what my duties We're
to be, he said / would have to acquire
a knowledge of them by degrees. In
the meantime, he told me to be Jealous
and energetic in all that | did. The city
had passed an ordinance imposing a
fine on pedestrians who walked on the
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1905-09-17

rs the Telegraph Operator cease
talking. the porter came 10 the door
the smoker and shouted out IN stem
torian tones. First call for dlnner
And Immediately the SIX men rose .t
adjourned to the dining-car ahead.
East Oregonian : E.O. (Pendleton, OR) 1888-current, 1905-12-14
SUBSTITUTE FOR SALOON.

Some time ago coffee club was
started in San Diego, to afford a place
Of recreation and entertainment,
where no Intoxicating liquors. cigars
or tobacco in any form should be sold.
1t was not started by reform ele-
ment, pledged to philanthropy, but by
private company as a matter of le-
gitimate business. The agreement
provided that the business should be
extended with the profits of the first
venture, If profitable; If not 'profita-
BILE. it should be closed out like any
other non-paylng business.
In due time a second club was
opened in San Diego, and later one
each in Los Angeles, Santa Clara, Ra-
kersfield and Petaluma. All are sue
cessful financially and socially. In
Los Angeles the two clubs are visited
daily by from 1000 to 1900 persons. 1t
is estimated that the saloon business
has been cut down one-half in some
Of the towns named, by the club busi-
ness.-Pacific Searchlight.
East Oregonian : E.O. (Pendleton, OR) 1888-current, 1905-12-14

WHAT ABOUT THE PEOPLE?

When no one but Senator Fulton
was working for the East Umatilla
irrigation project Secretary Hitchcock
aad the president turned it down.
But when kilograms began pouring
N from the great common people of
Oregon all political friction, preju-
dsee and disagreement we're swept
aside and the project was Immediately
adopted.
So shall we not give Pendleton
Commercial association and Pendle-
0Dn's private citizens, Echo CONNER
sial club and Echo's private citizens,
Portland Commercial club and her
Rrivate citizens some credit for the
change in Hitchcock's mind on the
East Umatilla project?
Had Fulton been left to work out
nhe question alone, the project would
probably not have been revived after
n was tuTHeu uoNht NlilS L ulIoh was
advocating It.
1t would have gone the way of Full
eou's other recommendation
aaze waste basket along with dozens
Of candidates for United States dis
er5ct attorney, registers and receivers
ef land offices and other suggestions
of the senator.
Nobody denies that Senator Fulton
d doing and has done all along, his
uery best for Oregon. but the unfor-
sunate and peculiar situation in the
saate renders him well nigh powerless
with the administration.
1t is unfortunate for him and for
Ehe state, but it is fact. Right now,
Ehen the eyes Of the world are upon
Oregon she should make her best
showing
Put there is one certainty in the
premises and that is this: No matter
how the president may disagree With
individual representatives on PERSONA
o. other grounds, yet the great COM
szou people can always reach his ear.
and get a response.
East Oregonian : E.O. (Pendleton, OR) 1888-current, 1905-12-14
"BLIMNfING.-

Mrs. Craigie, the woman novelist.
says: "All clever women blim. Don't
know blimming? It's Just talking
pleasant things"
Now, every woman of you, get busy
and blim.
1t sounds good.
Talking and talking pleasant
things" Not sensible things, mind
you, not momentous things, just
pleasant.
Could anything be more softly fem
mime, more sweetly amiable?
And what a cleverness 1t must take
for woman to. obliterate herself un-
der a becoming sea of blimming, and
let her husband DO the strenuous part.
1t is the secret of feminine sue
cess in society; and it is a good moral
rule for anybody.
Hurrah for the woman who blims!
Seattle Star.
East Oregonian : E.O. (Pendleton, OR) 1888-current, 1905-12-14
A PATRIOTIC SPASM.

A. large number of newspapers are
now having patriotic spasm because
she secretary Of the navy, firing Of
sne great expense of longer preserv-
nag the hulk Of the old Constitution,
Vas suggested that 1t be removed
from Boston harbor (Which is needed
for modern vessels and modern com
raerce) and destroyed in some way
1Jt entirely sacrilegious.
Because this old vessel took part in
4 sea fight OF the great struggle for
American liberty is no reason why 1t
saaouid become a burden upon the
s,eople. The East Oregonian claims
- be as patriotic on certain occa-
saons, as any other ordinary newspa-
per. and old relics appeal to 1t more
strongly than TO most people, but
ahere is a limit even to hero-worship
and relic-keeping.
The old boat has been rebuilt and
rrbullt 10 preserve her from the in
roads of worms and natural decay.
until she is herself no more. She
is now tossed at her moorings a help
tess and pitiable wreck of the former
Euiant fighter, and reason and COM
raon sense dictate that something
should be done to remove the un-
East Oregonian : E.O. (Pendleton, OR) 1888-current, 1905-12-14

As the magnitude of the land frauds
committed by Mckinley. Puter and
their infamous gang is made public
the widespread demand for the cap
ture and conviction of these bold
thieves becomes more emphatic
Cannot the state of Oregon and the
United States government run down
this gang and bring it to justice? Must
1t be said that after boldly stealing
through forgery perjury and fraud
over 100000 worth of valuable land
certificates. realizing the cash upon
them, that this gang will go free? It
is a national disgrace which should
spur the state and government to the
most strenuous endeavor to bring the
thieves to justice. 1t will be a re-
Election upon the capacity of the gov
ernment If they are not apprehended
and lodged in prison.
East Oregonian : E.O. (Pendleton, OR) 1888-current, 1905-12-14

slightly hulk and make place for mod
ern vessels in Boston. harbor
And let us ask how many of those
who are suffering from the thought
of destroying this hulk of an old YES
sci which has been rebuilt with mod
ern lumber and canvas several times,
are taking part in preserving the
principles for which the Constitution
fought?
How many newspapers now she'd
ding tears over the threatened loss of
the Constitution, the war vessel, are
standing in with the common people
to preserve the ideals and meaning
of the rea! constitution of the govern
ment in opposition to the trusts which
are eating away its vitals as the
worms are eating away the timbers of
the sloop of war, of that sonorous
name?
How are popular liberty and popu-
lar rights among the masses treated
in Boston and the state of Massachu-
setts, where this old hulk lies rot
ting? Are the principles of the revo-
lutionary fathers alive yet? Are free
dom of speech, freedom of thought
and progress parts of the modern
creed of Boston, or do the monopolies
stifle these things with the threat of
business ruin?
Let us be consistent and know just
why this old wreck should be saved
before we shed any crocodile tears.
The masses of the people and their
rights need attention as we'll as un-
feeling hulks of old vessels.
East Oregonian : E.O. (Pendleton, OR) 1888-current, 1905-12-14

THE FARMER REAPS what he has pse-
viously sOwed. The human body rraIJ
likewise the natural crop OF weakness
pain and death il the seeds OF disease
have been Sown by bad habits Of careless
ness in eating, sleeping and exercising.
KEEP WELL If you CAN and whCn you
need little help in keeping well use
Natures remedies. that do not roughly
stimulate but gently quicken the action
OF Natures functions In a natural way.
Natures laboratory furnishes the follow
ing plants which enter into the manufac-
ture OF DIR. Pierce's Golden Medical DIG
covery: Golden Seal root. Queens root
Stone root, Black Cherry bark, Bloodroot
and Mandrake root.
Ing advice, you can consult. free OF
physician to the 1nvalds' Hotel and
letters a-e considered confidential and
answers bearing correct medical advice
returned in securely sealed envelopes.
III suffered for nearly eight years" writes
Philip A. Fatch, Esq., OF Mobile. Ala. Deputy
Sheriff. with malaria. which poisoned my
entire system and deprived me OF my vi
tality. ] was cured In three months by using
DIR. Pierce's Golden Medical Discovery. ]
know IL was largely due to neglect and
paid little attention to my trouble until
became 80 rundown and weak that knew
] had 10 do something at once to regain my
health | Logan 10 feel better within four
days after ! used the Colleen Medical Dis
covery.' and after using nine bottles ] was
restored TO my usual health. feeling better
than for years"
The most valuable book for both men
East Oregonian : E.O. (Pendleton, OR) 1888-current, 1905-12-14
EYES TO SEE, WE SEE NOT.

We seek for Beauty on the height
afar;
But on earth it glimmers all the
while;
'Tis in the garden where the roses
are;
IT'S in the glory of a mothers smile.
We seek for wisdom in each solemn
book:
Put aye beyond the musty page 1t
lies;
'Tis in the script of violets by the
brook;
IT'S in the laughter of baby's eyes.
We seek for God in every distant
place;
Put 10. beside US He forever stands;
We meet Him guised as sunlight face
to face;
We touch Him when we take q
brothers hands.
e. w. Mason. in the Housekeeper.
East Oregonian : E.O. (Pendleton, OR) 1888-current, 1905-12-14
GOLDEN NUGGETS FROM THE
ARGONAUT.


A Boston public school teacher was
trying to give her pupils definite
idea of n volcano. With red chalk
she drew on the blackboard fiery
flames issuing from mountain top.
When the drawing was done. she
turned to the class before her. and
said: "Can any of YOU tell me what
that looks like" 1T looks like hell,
maam," replied the minister's son,
+
\ woman once told Lord Palmers-
ton that her maid. who had been with
her to the Isle of Wight objected to
going thither again because the eli
mate was not embracing" enough.
What am | to do with such a
woman?" she asked. You had better
take her to the Isle of Man next
time" said Lord Palmerston.
Z
w. $. Gilbert. the dramatist and wit,
was lunchng at country club when
he found himself surrounded by six
or seven clergymen who had been on
a motor tour of the country there
about. Pretty soon the author of the
"Mikado" was drawn into conversa-
tion. When his identity was known
one of the clergymen asked Mr.. Gil
bert how he felt "in such grave and
reverend company" Like a lion in
a den of Daniels" was the reply
+
During the Spanish war the men of
a certain New York regiment, recruit
ed on the East Side. were spelling for
fight, and it became necessary to
post a sentry to preserve order. A
big, husky Bowery recruit, of pugilis-
tic propensties, was put on guard
outside, and given special orders to
see that quiet reigned, and, II trouble
came his way not to lose possession
of his rifle. Soon a general row be-
East Oregonian : E.O. (Pendleton, OR) 1888-current, 1905-12-14

and women Is DIR. Plcrce's
Common Sense Medical Ad-
wiser. A splendid l00S-page
volume. with engravings
and cOlored plates. A copy,
paper-cOvcrcd. will be sent
10 anyone sending 81 cent
In One-cent stamps. 10 pay
the cnst Of mailing OriU. tc
Dr. r. V. Pierce. Buffalo. n
Y. Cloth-bound. 81 stainpA
East Oregonian : E.O. (Pendleton, OR) 1888-current, 1905-12-14

The people of the east end of Una
tilla county are now supplied with ex-
cellent bridges and roads. according
to the reports of the county court. 1t
is especially favorable to that part of
the county that substantial bridge
has been placed over the Tumalum at
the old ford which has been a menace
to travel for years. With the new
road roller the roads of the county
should he put in excellent condition
within the next two or three years.
The temporary repairs should be
abolished in every instance and moth
ing but permanent road, on a fixed
and permanent grade located by the
county surveyor, should be built here
after.
East Oregonian : E.O. (Pendleton, OR) 1888-current, 1905-12-14

The gamblers read the East Ore
gonian more closely now than ever,
judging from the quick response they
make through their official" organ,
to anything appearing in these col
umns concerning them.
East Oregonian : E.O. (Pendleton, OR) 1888-current, 1905-12-14

The saloon element at Castle Rock.
Wash. Is resorting to forgery and
threats OF personal injury TO secure n
repeal Of the Sunday closing policy
in that place.
East Oregonian : E.O. (Pendleton, OR) 1888-current, 1905-12-14

Fourteen surveyors came up from
Vancouver yesterday and this morn
ing left for TIE Washington side Of the
river to begin work on the north bank
road.-The Dalles Chronicle.
East Oregonian : E.O. (Pendleton, OR) 1888-current, 1905-12-14

During November there were ia
birt's in Portland and 100 deaths. OF
the births SO were boys and 54 girls.
In four instances the fathers were
over so years of age.
East Oregonian : E.O. (Pendleton, OR) 1888-current, 1905-12-14
LOST

Lost-A bny mare weighing iooe
pounds. branded II on left stife ana
Cd on left shoulder; and n strawberry
roam geldlng weighing about tooe
pounds, branded U upside down nm
left shoulder and right angle scar
on left hip. A suitable reward win
he paid for the return or information
leading to their return to A. II. sun.
derman, Pendlcton, Oregon.
Warren sheaf., 1905-03-23
DEATH OF GEN. HAWlEY,
Connecticut's Famous Soldier and
Statesman Passes Away in
Washington

Washington, March 18.-Gen. Joseph
R. Hawley, for nearly "a years United
States senator from Connecticut, died
at ten minutes of 2 o'clock this mo1n-
ing at his residence in this city Death
came peacefully after a stupor lasting
with but slight Interruptions since
Wednesday afternoon At his bedside
when the end came were Mrs Hawley,
her three daughters and Maj Hooks,
for a long time messenger to the COM
mlttee on military affairs of the SELL
ate. The remains will be taken to
Hartford, Conn.,, for interment, but the
time for funeral services has not been
fixed 1t is possible that a public
funeral may be held in the senate
|sehalhber.
Active Career Ended in 1902.
Gen. Hawley had rallied only occa-
sionally and then for very brief in
tervals from the state of coma into
which he fell Wednesday afternoon.
There was then a slight sign of rec
ognition of the members of the fam
lily and until Thursday night took
small amounts of nOurishment Since
then, however, nothing had passed his
lips. He gradually failed until the end
came. Gen. Hawley's active career in
the senate came to an end in Decem-
ber, 1902, when failing health CON-
PEELED him to relinquish his legislative
work. In February of 1903 he was
in the senate chamber for short time,
that being his last visit to the capitol.
He was 7S years old.
Gen. Hawley was born at Stewards
vile, N. c., October 81, 1896 He
studied and practiced law in Hartford,
Conn, from 1850 until the civil war
as captain and left the military SER
vice in 1868 with the grade of brig
adler general and brevet major gen.
eral. He served as governor or Con-
necticut, delegate to the republican
national conventions of 1872, 1876 and
1880, and was president of the United
States centennial commission from
1873 until the completion of the CEN
tennial exposition in Philadelphia il,
1876 His congressional career began
sentative to the Forty-second congress
He took his seat as United States SEN
ator March 4, 1881, and was a member
of that body until the close of the last
congress. On March II last he was
placed on the retired list as brig
Warren sheaf., 1905-03-23
WHISKY KILLS A HORSE.
Staid Animal While intoxicated Cuts
Up Funny Antics Before
Breathing His Last.

Jamaica, N. Y.-Jim, speedy horse,
who suffered four days from exposure
and famine in swamp, died in Spring
field, near here, after having the time of
his life.
When Jim was discovered he was filled
up with whisky to ward off an inevitable
chill. It resulted in his acquiring glo-
rious Jag. Forgetting his troubles, he
began first to stand on. his hind legs,
then on his forelegs. Then he expert
mented, standing on his head, but land
ed on his neck. Then he started other
stunts.
When he began trying to climb up a
ladder leading to hayloft his attend
ants fed. Finally Jim tired of his cir
Gus ring acts and lay down peaceably in
his stall. Blankets were thrown over
him, but he never recovered.