New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1905-03-17
THE TALK OF THE DAY.

Miss Elizabeth Ealconers or LOUISVILLE. mas just
perfected invention which promises to revou-
tionize the lacing of shoes by fat people The
invention enables men women to lace their
shoes without STOPPING. and although it was
not invented primarily for fat men-there are no
fat women-it will be utilized much by them
as by the aged and inhrHl for whose comfort it
was brought into the world. The invention Is
simple One lace string is permanent in position
and pulling the top of it laces the shoe. Pulling the
bottom string loosens the shoe
In After Years-'''women are certainly change
able I saa aae Tsagy asked tbs fend o.
During our honeymoon" answered the weary
party my wife declared she could not live a day
tSWei?'' queried the family friend
"Only last week." continued the other, "she tried
to get me insure my life for $4,000 in her favor"
-(Chicago News.
ON MY sIXTIETH BIRTHDAY.
March "A. 1905,
Don't Oslerize me. friends, pray.
Though threescore years I count to-day.
And feeble, weary. worn am I.
And good for naught except TO del
Walt till tomorrow. if you will.
Before with chloroform you fill
The cup whose fumes must inhals
That Osler's theory may not fall
What though still can hear and see. 81"
And taste and smell and feel, as We
Who but score of years or so.
Upon lfe's credit side can showi
What though I hear with rapturous thrill
The melody Of music still;
And am still filed with keen delight
Wherever beauty greets my sight
What though methinks ought not waste
A single chance nfe's sweets TO taste.
And still with keenest zest tho smell
Twixt rose and violet can tell!
And what though I deeply feel
Both pain and pleasure, nor conceal
That all my senses, l avoW.
Were never moro alert than now.
What matters It? for Osler says
This very consciousness betrayS
The illusion of weakening brain
Which but In memory lives asaini
So be it then: let memory still
Recall nfe's happiest hours at VIII.
And let me joyously dream on
TIL twenty years again be gonei
And may you ALL my friends. be here
To greet on my eightieth year,
Provided always. let me say
You Oslerize me not to-day!
THEODORE SUTRo.
Stranger dn Oklahoma)--You don't have any sky-
scrapers out here. do you? -, :. ...u,
shacks is liable to be a skyscraper during the cy-
clone seasonl-(Puck.
francesca boasts of towns with the following
names; Barefoot. Bolts, Leap Year. Chimney Top
C-huckaluck Half Pone. Hanging Limb. 1pe. Mar
rovvbone Mouse Tail, Opossum, Parch Corn. Pea
t pin Shin Sweet Lips Tom Brown Bet
Yum YUM Buzzard Roost. Fits. Mashmead Peeled
chestnut Shoe Fly. Skull Bone. Snail Lops. Tiger
Tail and Wahoo. Missouri has the following towns
with outlandish names: Lick Skillet, Arnica, Pos
sum Trot Bibegrove. Black Jack. Braggadocio
Tucvrus Belgique, Corcyra. Cowskin. Cyclone Doe
Run Dogwood. Grubville, Koshkonong Lone Star
Owl Creek Pure Air. Protein. Prohibition Prairie
Lick Rocky Comfort, Roubidoux. Schlicht Seventy
six Solo, Splitlog. Tralaloo. Turnback. Twelvemile
and Low Wossie.
sion N Examiner under the cleveland administration
he one day examining witnesses He asked one
Vou know the applicant. Michael Murphy who has
spP sa1 tR for an do sss Sf
him were shot in the same leg at Antetar -
(Troy Times
Tho Japanese have adopted a compulsory system
of national education. boy and girl must attend
school as soon they attain the age of six, and
remain there until the age of fourteen. The first
! four years they teach them the Japanese and Chi
nese languages and the latter four years they ado
English; when boy and girl graduated from
the Japanese common schools they can read and
speak English. BY teaching the Chinese and Eng.
Iish languages. besides their own tongue they
bring up new generation. prepared to seek knowl
edge In the outer world. as commanded by the
Emperor.
Somewhat Different -Inkertoq-There isn't such
mine. De''' -'-'- '-D '''i'e' anu
Pennibs-wherein do they differ?
Inkerton-Wen, the publishers all Jump at hi:
| stories, you know.
Pennibs-Yes.
Inkerton-ARd they Jump on mine-(Chicagc
News.
A Scotch divine had risen up in his pulpit 20
| lead the congregation in prayer when a man IN
the front row of the gallery took out his handker-
chief to wipe his brow. forgetting that a pack OF
cards was wrapped up in it Mostly the whole deck
was scattered over the floor OF the gallery. s'Oh
| moni moni' solernnly remarked the minister
surely your psalm bulk has been but III bund.''
The Democratic defeat OF last November was
being discussed by Representative John SHARP
Wilhams, OF mississippi. 1T reminds me-" said he
"of the farmer whose house and barns Were picle.i
| up by a cyclone and blown into the Mississippi
| River. The farmer landed on top OF a sawiog Is
he came TO the surface. blew the water out OF his
pose. wiped his eyes and got a better grip on the
l It IN ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS