Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1905-09-01

| row anu steal the STANDARD In order that the
may enjoy little sunshine as they journe
| through this vale of tears.
l believe that inferior cook book
are responsible for many divorces.
A great fortune awaits the man who
will invent mirror that will fiatter.
The hardest problem of mans exist
ence is getting his own consent t
crawl out OF bed in the morning.
A woman can spend more energy il
buying spool of thread than maj
does in purchasing house and lot.
Some masculine tempers can b.
securely sewed on with buttons, other
are lost through the holes in undarnet
socks.
| When a man complains that hi
wife has no sense OF humor, do no
hastily believe him; it may be hi
Jokes are at fault.
For obvious reasons Turkey has n,
pension system. Every soldier killed
would leave herd of widows upon tn,
hands of the government.
One OF the greatest mysteries in lift
is why two women who cordially hate
each other will continue to exchange
visits and call each other "dear."
1t has not been telegraphed over all
the country, as yet, what label is or
the wine that is being put away by tht
Peace Envoys at Portsmouth, N. H.
A Chicago court has granted q di
vorce to q woman who was wooed with
a poem. As the fellow got her for q
mere song, it is not probable that be
will worry to any great extent over
the loss.
Wonder if a union delegate ha.
found out up-to.now if Che cigars
smoked at the peace conference bea,
the "blue label" or not? The re-
ports say they smoke only the vile Gig
arette.-ED.1
care you fond OF music?"
lawfully"
"Do you ever 60 to the 10.cent mu.
sic halls"
Never"
40! may ask whyf"
"For that reason"
What's the use OF asking what
makes the baby cry so much. II
doesn't cry 80 much after all; aud
anyway, if all your teeth were out, and
your hair off, and your legs 90 weak
you couldn't stand on them, guess
you'd feel like crying yourself.
"Yes," said an Olympia man, "I
too, have my favorite flowers"
"And what may they be. pray
sneered his wife.
"They are the ones that shut up
at night" Then be went down towr
to-get glass of Olympia beer.
A man in Seattle has patented a
new "horn." Don't get excited. 1,
is not a whisky "horn" he has in
vented or composed, but new-fan
dangled horn for . photograph tt
still further help the dad-blamed
grinding, blurring, scraping things tt
set people "bug house."
An old woman brought q prescrip
ton containing arsenic as one OF the
main ingredients in an Olympia drui
store the other day. She observed ths
scrupulous accuracy in which tn,
clerk weighed the desired quantity
then remarked: "You needn't be sc
accurate and particular, it's for a pool
orphan, you know"
If you want to become riled, mean
sour, disagreeable, discontented, ant
work yourself to the height Of insanity
just sit down and begin to ponder owe
your past life. You'll become 6,
crazy.angry about this and that which
happened years ago, that you will g
home and rob your own trunk. Bur!
the past; look out for the future.
A man in q saloon at Seattle va
throwing all sorts Of bouquets to him
self as regards position he had reaches
in life. At last he said: 81 am
self.made man, gentlemen. l begal
life as a barefoot boy"
"Well," replied one of the gentle
men in the crowd, "you need not &c
fossy about it. I wasn't born will
shoes on, either"
| In Seattle (Man who been lookin
at house with view of renting):
"You told me the house you sen
me to see was in fine shape. It's in
scandalous condition. It is 80 dam
that moss positively grows on th
walls"
Clerk in Seattle rental agency
"Well, isn't moss good enough 10
your What do you expect At tha
rent-orchidsY"
| A year or 60 ago we read of an oil
wealthy woman in England who die
; and left all her wealth to q sickl
looking rooster. She believed tn
spirit OF her dead husband was con
, tanned in the fowl. Now we hav
news that rich woman of Russia dc
voter her life to pig. She has bull
Q palace for the "shoat." She, tot