The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-10-18
HUMOR OF THE DAY

iii "A v 4AO4N IA 44L 0.@z & 81
Nero ordered that the chariots be dump
ed in the sea and that lion fights be
abolished from the Coliseum.
But, your highness, protested the Ho--
man senator. what other exciting sport
can we get that is as fatal and CORY as
those you are about to 90 away Wlthg
why, college football and hazings and
shall introduce them this week.
And, sending d courier for a hundred
additional physicians, the great emperor
began TO read Up the latest rules of the
gridiron.-Chicago News.
why don't you so to work7% demanded
wen, yer see. began the Eray-haired
Old ,loafer I've got wife an three
'sBut il you don't work how can you
As was a-sayin. lady. I've got a wife
an three children to support me. Chi
cago Journal.
You were employed by Mrs. Swellman,
you say" said the housekeeper- That
was your last place, wasn't it?''
! ton servant maid. Il expect to get an
other. If however you really meant to
inquire if my latest place was. with Mrs;
SweilInan, my reply IS IN the affirmative.
How do you like your husband, Ma
''sh. I believe he has deceived me and
what makes you think SOP
why, the first night we were married
/ he sewed up his vest pockets columbus
/ Dispatch
Visitor (in boom town)-You have a
/ fine country here, haven't your
/ Citizen-Thst's what they say.
Nisitor-Is it a good coentry for poor
Citizen-wa-al, I reckin it is come
+ here twenty years ago with nuthin, an
I'm still holdin' my own.-Dalias News.
Mrs. Spenders-Oh, John! I saw a sign
! in Bargen & Co.'S window today that re-
/ Sir. Spenders Cnterrupting, hastily)-I
] too, saw a sign in their window that re-
/ minded me Of what I am. It read: Re
4 duced to AZ cents. Philadelphia Press.
Il see that the mayor of Madison. Wis.
/ has ordered the police to shoot college
students who do not behave themselves"
Il don't think that's at all right One
/ of those careless policemen might shoot
! a valuable football player by mistake. -
/ Cleveland Plain Dealer.
/ Senior Partner-I think that office boy
/ of ours would make a good policeman.
/ Junior Partner-Because why2
Senior Partner-Because he's never
| around when Wanted.-Chicago News.
wnHe-Pa. message isn't good to eat is
Pa-No; what are you talking about?
Willie-Why. Mr.. Tangler, our Sunday
school superintendent kept telling US all
the time today that -1sau sold his birth
right for a pot of message. Philadelphia
Press.
wiggs-He's had a great many ups and
downs in his life.
Waggs-He certainly has had a check
cred career, but he's very wealthy now.
Wiggs-Yes. you might say that his ca
reer is ex-chequered now eh2-Phila-
delphia Public Ledger
Naomi-Y Dung Goodwin tried to kiss me
last night and l told him to behave.
Eloise-And did he kiss you?
Naomi-No; the idiot actually behaved.
Columbus Dispatch
And is the little man a literary genius.
:'Yes, indeed. He is the most successful
And What are his most successful
books?i
q Fudge. and Kindred Sweets and
! Cooking Under Three Administrations
Cleveland Plain Dealer.
'I heard Crittick remark that some Of
the passages in your comedy we're
N.Y. exclaimed the playwright.
why, that means a compliment.
1T doesn't It means that he's on to
me. ''-Philadelphia Press.
Hicks-Senator DuIlard seems to have
acquired a reputation a wit.
Wicks-Yes, he was interviewed once by
a bright reporteF--Philadelphi Public
Miss B1oonler seems to keep her youth
STILL remarked Miss Goods.
/ We'll" replied Miss Chelus, f'she keeps
4 her age quiet '-Philadelphia Press.
| MY town, said the first traveller, is
/ Greater New York"
Glad to know you" cried the second
tr .A MI m from IN cSnleago, too
"Oh, I thought you said greater than
New York. Philadelphia Press.