The Caldwell tribune., 1905-12-16
Humorous

~ ~@HSN"~S%eS-TSaeN|~~~
Tommy-Have you met the new
teacher YETI Teddy-Yes; after school
this noon. He won.-Ex.
Say, father, what Is a 'nobodyP"
"A nobody, my son, is a prominent
Woman's husband" "--Washington Life. |
Tess--Do you think Marie's photo
graphs do her justicei Bess-Yes;
justice tempered with mercy..-Detroit
Tribune.
Youngwed-T want accommodations
for my wife. Hotel Clerk-Suite?
Youngwed-You bet your life she is
Washington Life.
Rejected Suitor-I may be poor now,
but there was a time when rode in
my carriage. The Girl-Yes, when
your mother pushed it.-Grit.
paw, is it true that death loves a
shining mark2" II suppose SO. Why"
Nothing, only l should think you'd
feel a good deal safer If you wore
wig."-Chicago Tribune.
First Old Maid-This census report
says there are 100000 bachelors in
the United States. Second Old Maid
Yes, and the mean old thing doesn't
give their address either.-Washingt
Life.
Piggmus-To tell the truth, we have
to treat our cook as a member Of the
family. Dismukes-Great ScottI That
would never go in our house. We have
to treat ours as a visitor.-Washingt
Life.
Al de Mustard-Your wife's costume
tonight is charming. II simply beg
garS description. Justin de Bunch
And that reminds me of conundrum
why am like a description.-Scis
sors.
McCush-Is this true that hear
De Mush-That I'nA engaged? Yes.
Congratulate mel McCush--I can't
congratulate you on marrying any girl
who is fool enough to want you
. Cleveland Leader.
Mrs. Spudsworth, 1t seems to me, ,
] said Mrs. Oldcastle, lis rather inclined
$ to loQuacity." "Still," replied her host
y ess, as she Strengthened the $1,000 rug
r ''for person as tall as her it amt sc
Q bad as though she was shorter."-Chl
t cago Record Herald.
l That's an auction piano you
= daughters got, isn't it?" asked the sar
{ castle woman next door. mo, indeed!'
L replied the proud mother Indignantly
s What made you think that?" "Oh
y probably because it's going, going, go
e ing all the time"- e"-Philadelphi'
9 ledger.
Hi Tragedy-Hamm made his debu
. 4, as a star last night, and l hear hi
u audience was very cold. Lowe Com
= edy-Yes, they were at first. Hi Trag
i edy-Ah! only at irst2 Lowe Com
y edy--Yes; then they remembered tina
- they had paid to get in, and they go
'e hot.-Catholic Standard.
~ Mrs. Ikki-I wish you wouldn't b
- such a tight-wad! l haven't a thin
to wear. Mr.. Ikki-Blinkin' Borealis
Why, woman, you have the finest sea
4 coat in two degrees of latitude Mrs
N Kirkland what of it? There goes Mrs
Id Blubberton staggering around in
y real sealette coat with plush trim
= mings!-Puck.
mo-" said Miss Winthrop Bradle
,e Winthrop, your ancestors did NJ
ty come over in the 'Mayfower,' as min
did, and l cannot marry your ID
;, you know why they did not" replie
10 10 Mr.. Johnstone Smythe de Jones. ''Wel
a. I'll tell you. They were not the kin
It of people who travel on excursions
ce Saying which he strobe haughtily fro
the room.-Washingto Life.
- A man who was wanted" by tt
police had been photographed In 8
different positions, and the picture
! were duly circulated among the polio
The chief of police in country tow
wrote to police headquarters OF Il
CITY In search of the malefactor re
DAYS after the set of portraits had bee
issued as follows: II duly received II
J pictures of the six miscreants who
csnture is desired l have arrested Il
of them, and the sixth Is under obse
walton and will be secured shOrtly.