Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1905-06-09

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Money makes the mare CO." ut
can't always make the automobile run,
though. Town and Country.
I'VE don't hear you sing nowadays,
Miss Edith, my physician has strictly
forbidden me to practice" Does he
live in your neighborhood?"
Mrs. Henpeck-And you call your
self mani? Mr.. Henpeck- Certainly,
my dear, that is-er-if you will per-
NIT me to.-Fliegende Batter.
Jenkins-You don't seem to bother
much about the future. Lightley-
No, that never worries me until it be-
comes the present.-Exchange.
Mrs. Wise-How do you like the
new nurse girl? Mr.. Wise-Great.
Mrs. Wise-1 thought so. That's why
l fired her this morning.-Boston
Globe.
Deacon Jones-In the better land
everything will be made known. Mrs.
Prye-Won't that be fine! I've always
wondered how old Sarah Wilson was.
Boston Transcript.
>"Ah," said the little girl who was
being filled with culture. see the car
penter brawny building the house
beautiful with his hands skillful..'-
Chicago Record-Herald.
"You are as full of airs as a hand
organ" said young man to girl
who refused to let him see her home.
THAT may be-" was the reply, "but
don't 60 with crank"
Here, take this riflev' cried the ex-
cited Snowman; 1.-The leopard has es-
capped. If you find him shoot him ON
the spot" (which s-spot, sir?" gasped
the green employe.-Exchange.
The Niece-Weren't you shocked,
uncle, when you heard that Harry had
died and left me widow? The
Uncle-Well, no. That's about all
ever expected he would leave you.
Judge-You say you were alone
when you committed the robbery? :?
Nitro Bill-Yes, yer honor. allus does
me little jobs alone. When ye'ye got
a pal it's ten ter one he turns out dis
honest.@Judge.
Little Willie-I say, pa, what is an
empty title? Pa-An empty title, my
son, is your mothers way of referring
to me as the head of the house when
there are visitors present.-Glasgow
Evening Times.
"I'm sure l saw a cat over in that
corner" said Tommy, sitting up in bed.
mo, dear; 60 to Sleep" said his moth
or; 'it was just Imagination" HAS
a Imagination got shiny eyes Y-Phila-
delphia Ledger.
Mother-Ethel, you naughty child.
what have you been doing to make
Charley cry SO? EtheII've only been
sharing my cod-liver oil with him,
dear mamma. You said it was so nice.
|-Harper's Bazar.
For goodness sake! What's that
noise?'' 1.-THE girl next door is having
her voice cultivated" Huh! Appar-
emily the process Of cultivation has
reached the narrowing season.
Philadelphia Press.
81 have just been officiating at a
wooden wedding on the West Side"
said the parson. "OficiatfngY quer-
led the puzzled friend. "Yes,' ex-
planned the good man. 81 married. u
couple Of Poles. &C Chicago News.
Fweddie- e-That creature actually
told me to mind my own business,
y'know! Cholly-The impertinent
wretch! Fweddie-Positively insult
ing. AS If to insinuate, don't y'know
that 1 was in business.-Clevela
Leader.
Bleeker-My congratulations on
your marriage with the charming
widow, old man. 1 knew you called
on her occasionally, but had no idea
you intended to marry. Meeker-
Neither did I until she had it all ar
ranged.
Uncle George have read your ar
ticle over, and I must say it shows a
great deal of originality. Arthur
Thanks, I'm sure! I fattered myself
there were some ideas In 1t. Uncle
George-Oh, was not speaking of the
composition, but of the spelling!
Nephew-Uncle, I'm in love with
the dearest girl in all the world. She
has golden hair, blue eyes, the whitest
of teeth and figure Uncle Gnter-
rupting)-My dear boy, I really can't
consent to your marrying her unless
she has five figures, at the least
Brooklyn Life.
First Passenger-Would you be
good enough to lend me your specta-
cles a moment? Second Passenger
| Certainly, sir, with pleasure. First
Passenger-Oh, thanks. Now as you
can no longer read your newspaper,
will you please have the kindness to
pass it over to me?"
Boys Essay on Breath: Breath is
made of air We breathe always with
our lungs, except at night, when our
breath keeps life going through our
noses while we are asleep. Boys that
stay in room all day shouldn't
I