The Evening statesman. [volume] (Walla Walla, Wash.) 1903-1910, 1905-07-08
Jmuleboy In Irustland
Bx IOHN KENDRICK BANGS

within the rolling mill or ON
Some twirling Ferris wheel,
And never turns his back upon
The rank auto mobile.
"Give me that man behind the barn
Who does heroic acts;
Not he who by some bloody tarn
Makes wars historic facts.
"Tne man who with tablespoon
Puts enemies to rout
Is more heroic than dragon
Engaged in warlike bout"
II don't think I ever saw any heroes
like that" said Jimmieboy, trifle dis
appointed.
well, there are slews of 'em," said
the Iron Pig, land just take 1t from me
if you want to die poor, try to pension
EN-"
And with that Jimmieboy and the
great anthropist went upstairs to the
Hero Department, where they found a
and emoluments of this wonderful an
thropy. 1t would take too long to tell
of all Jimmieboy saw there. Suffice it
to say that among the successful ap-
plicants was a man who had lived in
the same house with his mother-in- law
for ten years and never once COM
planned, to whom was given a bronze
medal and the income on twenty first
mortgage bonds; a Presbyterian min
lister who declined to let the wives of
his deacons arrange the furniture in
his parlor, and had papered the Sun
day school in pink instead Of green, as
resolved by the Ladies' Guild, to whom
was given an annuity of ten shares Of
Steel common, ex-dividends for hve
years; a Wall street man who had bet
all his life's savings on Parker in the
last presidential election and had been
thereby reduced to penury, and other
similarly courageous souls. VINO came
into the honorable category of the
Heroes of Peace. Each of them was
subjected to a rigorous examination,
their credentials were examined and
the extent of their heroism was esti-
mated, after which they were sent on
their way rejoicing.
1t all pleased Jimmieboy very much,
but what gratified him more than all
was the courteous act Of the Iron Pig,
who with his own hands, pinned a
medal of honor, made of leather. on
Jimmieboy's own breast.
"A child of your age said he, who
ventures all alone into Trustland and
pursues his Investigations unafraid is
a Hero of Peace after my own heart.
Take this, my lad, and when you write
your composition on what you nave
seen in Pigsburg remember that even
1 commended you for your temerity."
A tear of appreciation trickled down
Jimmieboy's nose as he thinked the
kindly old Anthropist for his beautiful
attention.
"A man who is as kind as you are to
little children" he sObbed should nave
his name written high In the list of our
first citizens"
"All right, sonny" said the Iron Pig.
when you get back to where they
keep the list and have learned to write
shall be highly honored if you will
write it there with your own hand"
This must cost you an awful lot Of
money" said Jimmieboy, as he grad
ually realized the enormous amount Of
the Anthropist's befactiOns and took
in the fact that he mad not even seen
a half dozen other busy departments Of
the marvellous institution.
mot a cent" said the Iron Pig.
Fact is, l never use money at all.
Money is base, my boy, very base. 1
haven't touched a dollar in years"
Really" cried Ji1nmiebOy,. amazed.
Really" said the Iron Pig. Il do
it all with bonds. Filthy lucre and l
parted company years ago. There are
germs in greenbacks; gold is dross and
the love of 1t is evil, but bonds-ah,
they are clean, germless. crisp. fresh
and beautiful. When a beggar comes
to me for help 1 give him a coupon.
If university wants a chair In n.y.
drostativs endow 1t, not with dollars.
the essence of commercialism. but with
bonds. II church seeks assistance I
give 1t a deckel edged book full Of
mortgages. Sometimes I use certified
checks, but never real money, for re-
gard money as corrupting."
What a good man you are!" said
Jimmieboy. And where did you get
those bonds?"
Il have got them through the conf
dence of the people, to whom I am
gradually returning Them" said the
Iron Pig. Long years ago they placed
trust in my hands and l have been
faithful to it, SO that now / can print
as many Of those bonds as l want and
everyone knows that 1t Is all right.
And, now, my lad, must leave you.
1t has been q pleasure to meet one SO
young and yet SO highly intelligent.
Good bye. If you want to call on me
again don't forget my address,"
"I-don't think I have it, said JIM
nieboy.
Then take my card" said the An
,hropist, land mind you do not post it.
Some interruptions person might find
it and go calling on a bank president
with it,
Whereupon the Iron Pig handed
JimmiebOy his card, on which was en-
sraVed the words:
THE IRON PIG, LII. D.,
AHA Easy Street,
Pigsburg, Pa.
And Jimmieboy went out, firmly con-
WINGED that the Iron Pig was the
greatest thing that ever was.