West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1905-12-07
THE RAMBLER
And the Machine Men Hold a Confer
enCe in ParkeTSburs aud IndOrSe
Bro. Miller for Dist Atty.
VERY MUCH AFRAID JUDGE BLlZ-
ZARD WILL AGAIN DRAW TIE
DISTRICT ATTORNEY PIE
Elder Whatsell Telephones Him He
Has q Stationary Noodls-Ad-
wise Elder to Start Roofing.

The question which is now agltat-
ing the Machine is how to side track
Judge Reese Blizzard and not arouse
the ire of the Insurgents. We would
like to see the Judge get the Icicle
where the chicken got the ak. We
just concluded conference in Par
kersburg which was very harmonious
The subject of discussion was the
District Attoraeyship which is
very desirable pie and one which
would satisfy the appetite of Bro.
Miller. We feel that il is a duty
we owe Bro. Miller to give him this
choice piece of pie for his loyalty
and devotion to the cause which we
have all fought for. II there was
no pies to be distributed there would
be no fighting. But so long as we
can hold out the coveted pie there
will be no scarcity of applications
for membership in the Machine.
We have investigated Bro. Miller's
record and find that he has always
"voted the ticket straight from Pres
ident to constable" as Elder Whet-
sell of the Old Family Journal keeps
dlnging into the faithful. The FL
der tells me he never failed to "vote
it straight" but once and that was
when he would not vote for Con
gresham Dayton and Senator Mont
gomery. The Elder says this GOV.
ers multitude of sins when you
vote it straight and are an applicant
for pie, which he happens to be at
this time. This is the reason that
Rev. Title cannot crowd the Elder
out Of the post office pie. They
both vote it straight but everything
being equal the Machine finds it
necessary to decide IN favor of the
white pieman. The colored pie.
man has not been voting the ticket
straight as long as the white pieman.
When he has we will find some ex-
cuse for eliminating him from the
pie counter like we did the creden-
tial committee in the Wheeling con
vention. Our great affection for the
colored pieman is during the prima-
ries and general elections. At that
time our affection and solictude for
him is unlimited. After that we are
not averse to crying "nigger" if they
get too close the pie counter and
tread on our corns. Down here in
Kanawha county we have educated
them in such a manner that they
can work in several extra votes when
the Insurgents threaten to destroy
the Machine. We worked the col
ored voters overtime at regular
union wages in the primary election
that was conducted in the interest
of Gov. Dawson. If any one
doubts the statement we can get a
certificate from Col. Teter and his
friends. That's why so many of the
colored brethren enjoy the freedom
of the pistol pocket. Destroy that
and you kill the usefulness OF the
colored vote in primary and general
elections. Give US plenty Of pis-
tolls, razors and moonshine dew and
we have no fear of being out-yoted
at primary contests.
We are up against a stiff PROPOSE
tion, however, in trying to divorce
Judge Blizzard from the District
Attorneyship We can file but one
charge against him and that charge
IS that he is an Insurgent. An In
surgent in the camp Of the Machine
means no sleep for the machinists.
We have made proposition after pro.
position 20 the Insurgents to be
good and to fall in line and vote
the ticket straight and every thing
would be forgiven, but not forgot.
ten. They have disturbed our
slumbers too frequently to forget
them.
1 have written Elder Whetsell ia
work his noodle and prefer other
charges against Judge Reese Biz
zard, but he telephones me that his
noodle cannot be worked as it is
stationary. Il is a great pity thai
the Elder was born with a stationar,
noodle, because il makes him use
less as noodlist back IN Preston
where the people are 70 be instru.t.
ed and entertained by a pieman.
am doubling the adyisability Of ex
hibiting the Elder outside Of cage
where all other curioslties and mon.
strOsitics are nut on exhibition