The San Juan islander. [volume] (Friday Harbor, Wash.) 1898-1914, 1905-04-08

~~4e~~I~~-~-~~~.
She| understand that Sarah Ann
married q struggling young man. He
Yes, he struggled all right, but he
couldn't get away.
Dolly-He's one of those men who
won't take NO for an answer. Madge
What are you going to do? Dolly
Why, tell him yes.-Town Topics.
Friend-What is hope? Poet-It'l
something that wakes you up ut four
o'clock in the morning when the post.
man doesn't come around till ten
Rams Horn.
He-My father is 4 banker, and has
never been inside theater In his life,
She-Really? My father is an actor,
and has never been inside a bank In
his life.-Judy.
Newrich-How'd you get along at
the dinner? Mrs. Newrich-Fine
When they eat pie with q fork, done
it, too, 50 as not to let 'em see their
break.-New York Sun.
Judge-The next person who inter
rupts the proceedings Of this court
will be expelled from the room! Pris-
oner-Hoo-ray! Whoopee-ee! Now
femme go!-Chicago News.
Bank President-We're ruined! The
cashier has absconded with one hun
dred thousand dollars. Director
Don't get excited. He has left a note
Offering to take us into partnership.
Mrs. Oatcake (reading newspaper)-
Gracious me! Mr.. Murdoch has been
arrested. 1t was discovered that he
had twenty wives, and all are living!
Farmer Oatcake-O-oh! another case
Of Brigham-y.-Puck.
Boarder (warmly)-Oh, I know ev-
cry one Of the tricks Of your trade.
Do you think have lived in boarding
houses twenty years for nothing
Landlady (frgidly)-I shouldn't be at
all surprised.-New Yorker.
LET me see, a cynic is aman who
IL tired Of the world, il he not?" the
young student of language asked.
mo, no, my child" replied the know
Ing tutor; "a cynic is a man of whom
the world is tired. Pick Me-Up.
The Senator-Why mustn't 1 vote
for that bill? Because
the people don't want 1t, Senator. The
Senator-What have the people got
to do with it? Amt election over,
hey ?-Louisville Courier-Journal.
After the wedding: He-What are
you crying for, love? She-Over
papa's wedding present-boo-hoo.
He-Why, what's the matter with it?
She-It's nothing but a receipted bill
for the gas we used up during our
courtship.-Pick-Me-Up.
Uncle John-So you don't like your
teacher, Tommy? Tommy (savagely)-
No, 1 don't 1 wisht he was at the
bottom of the sea! Uncle John-Oh,
come now, Tommy! That's too much
to say. Tommy-Well. wisht he
was at the bottom Of Jones' mill pond,
then.-Philadelphia Press.
Just resentment: Young Husband
Bertha, did you ask the grocer to
show you some Of those seedless beans
I was telling you about this morning?
Young Wife-Yes, and If you want
your slippers warmed before you put
them on you can warm them yourself,
Sir. 1 won't-Chicago Tribune.
The Man-Your daughter telephoned
mo to call and fix your piano. Her
Father-What's the matter with it,
The Man-One of the strings is
broken. Her Father-What will II
cost to repair the broken string? The
Man-Two dollars. Her Father
Well, here's S.. Break the rest of
Chicago News.
Paw" asked little Johnny, whats
q COMPROMISED THAT, my son." re-
Piled the wise father, depends on
whom it's made with. For instance,
IL 1 make a compromise with busi-
ness man, 1 go about half way. But
IL l make a compromise with your
mother, why. I-er-I go all the way"
Houston Chronicle.
What do you think of Keats ode
on a Grecian UrnT" asked Mrs. Old
Castle as they slipped their tea In the
magnificent library. II think" her
hostess replied. III he'd Of been a
gentleman he'd Of paid it. Josiah says
people never ought to have luxuries
that they have to get trusted for
Ch3ca % Rarord. Herald
Now, try to remember" said the
teacher, that Horatius won his glory
by his performance at the bridge. Al
ways keep that thought in mind and
it will help you to be brave and
noble" HUH sneered Johnny,
that amt nothin' You see my pa
and ma at bridge almost every night
in the week. New York Herald.
Il wish to get excused this after
noon," said Bizzlethorp, as he ap-
preached the general managers desk;
you see they've put me down to act
AZ a pallbeArsr at funeral" Ger
tainly; go ahead. But You don't seem
10 feel very sad about IT, mo. He's
the fellow my wife has always been
holding up to me as model