New-York tribune., 1905-07-30
A MILITARY PAGEANT.

The headman flashes g huge knife from some
where under the wagon, and the American
dodges he feels like yelling Help The head
after then dexterously shaves of piece Of the
tese the assistant waiter placing it on plate
and putting il in front Of the guest The second
ssrstsnt SCOOPS up the gravy with a huge bowl
spoon. and with military precision the BABY
csr-ssge' Is wheeled or 10 the next table The
roast beef proves TO be extremely good and the
ersvv excellent but It is several days DeIore lne
stranger gets used TO the wagon
o.bo- dangers also lurk in the way Of the
--s,a1ler unused TO Italian restaurants he
tsr,t accustomed 10 have plate OF peas put De-
fore hin, for single course, after the ever pres
e-,+ roast chicken for instance nor 10 the totaI
absence Of water on the table, nor me i'aiiai
,,e,ner box. which alone is enough to turn the
Americans hair white in half an hour ne asks
r,~ ua+er and the hotel is in an uproar IN
-o-,e,- such a request is unheard or Inc
---,t,s drink nothing but their native wines
.-s - the unacc5Istoned American palate the
--s+t,-a wines take the place Of ice water only
after great effort. The pepper box also gives
him trouble -
74a arsr time the average American, USED 10
shaking the pepper out Of a perforated up
comes across the Italian pepper box ne i@7 81
a,narience The waiter hands MIN me 'oA, =
-,.~t,,o AFFAIR of silver with no holes in slshI'
HTfT ~
,~ar-fnes il. The American fools with lilis
.---.ra.,,a,, for some minutes, but cannot make
i. - ne shakes il and nothing happens. ne
-. - INSIDE down and shakes il again. anu
.-f-1 ,ot,,ine happens. Then he is aware ''a'
-be roonful OF Italians. plus the Wai'eia'
emitting at him. politely of course ouI "'1H e'i
dent amusement at his perplexiIy
T-ha ,eprist gets red in the face with eAei
-,on nut is bound 10 get the pepper ii'4--'
F4ln u
la rotioes that an Italian at the next laDie -
- signs He looks up. The Italian Is
z-7uing and waving his arms frantlcaHs' d. = =
.ha vvav with Latin people. The America" iioo9
II q s-;an6lv way and makes believe he uHuei-
-.s- AGAIN ne takes hold Of the pepper poA'
-, ,-,+b All his muscle, and screws IL arouiiU
,r hts hands. with elbows EXTENDED dS .'e
italian seemed 10 suggest. Another lailu'e
whole dining room is now POTTERY si1iiii's'
,v-ov-,an have their napkins at their ups anu
red in the face with mirth. Ihe Ilaii'i'
his arms s.bcut like windmill al the ieN' -
making signs as il he We're unscre"lHs a -
T,e American catches on and laughlhsiy N''O-
- - Tov over his evening dress trousers
and goes at the job as if he were puliihs Dp
t,,ohs-,, ,oe+ The top doesn't come on
A. las, the American hnds out the trouole'
The manner box Sits pepper from the pottoii -
screu-inR gently on the top. ana lor inc
e,,a minutes he has been covering MS eNeilii's
dress suit with a cloud Of pepper hxiiauS11-
bv his au1icabIe efforts the nearby italiah Na1
gone 70 the smoking room with MS co"ee -
recuperste where. half hour later the 'oui -
who has almost sneezed ms heau oii'
aim with the proffer OF a smuggieo eis"i
TIE MACARONI ORDEAL
Br, g these things worry the unsuspecilhs
American AT his first dinner IN an ltaliaH re
raurant he meets his worst fate wheh tne ma
- 80 II is brought TO him IN deep
a.DLl coLleI' Ga bsob = mass Of tender, white
ana seemingly endless pipes OF paste ~hGn -
i s,1pposed 10 eat with ms iorh, Inc ria, he
I-aes y ne aristocratic Italians near nm -
one a Well dressed Italian business Iaai, -' -
Tor bi~ noon luncheon, is going AZ ms illa . a. s.
- 80 s-o,,,ee susto He puts ms 10TH GOV a. a