Ottumwa tri-weekly courier. [volume] (Ottumwa, Iowa) 1903-1916, 1905-05-27
SID E Il Gil 8

| AAN>-~
effort, and in much more graceful
drawing the largest salary in the bust
ness. Being wise 'gazabo he kept
things to himself, and it was only after
he had been decorated by his seven
times royal highness did he have his
head trepanned, and allowed his all
wise ruler to extract few of the
germs, which were carefully nurtured
and matured in the agricultural de-
partment, after which they were dis
seminated among the Imperial troops,
who have since proven very efficient
in getting what they went after. Many
years passed before they got into the
hands of the mail order houses, and it
is only now that we can purchase them
at So per. We have taken on a few
and find them a great help. Will be
around to your place about June 1,
1905. If you have previous engage
ment, leave your order with the book
keeper"
During one of the frequent revolu.
tons in Haiti. the commander of the
government forces at Port au Prince
made a requisition on the authorities
at Cape Haytien for men to aid in put
ting down the uprising. After a some
what rough experience of two or three
days the authorities got together the
| required number of men and loaded
them aboard ship. Then the following
message was sent: Commander Gov
eminent Forces. Port au Prince-Sir:
l send you per steamer Saginaw. today
100 volunteers. Please return the ropes
with which they are tied.-Commander
at Port Haytien'
Pat O'Hooligan went one day to pay
his respects to Father - We'll.
Pat said the priest, Its long time
since you came to see me- "Begorrah
thin. l drained of your reverence last
night" well what did you dream,
Pat?" 81 drained that called on your
reverence and your reverence asked me
if I would take drop of the crathur.
'Bedad will then, say I. And you will
take it hot or cold says your river
ence. I'll take it hot says I. And
when your reverence went to get the
hot water l woke, and I've been sorry
ever since that l didn't take it cauld.'
The late Baron de Hirsch, the Jew
ish f1anancier, was dining at German
nobleman's house in company with a
certain prince, who made no secret of
| his venomous antipathy to the Jews
courtesy proved no barrier to the out
| flow of his spleen.
Remarking upon tour he had made
in Turkey, he said he had been favor
ably impressed with two of its GUS
toms:
"All the Jews and dogs that are
caught are Immediately killed"
The baron, with smiling sang froid
Immediately relieved the scandalized
a bland rejoinder:
How fortunate you and don't live
| there!"
The Force of the law has converted
Sunny jim" into Jim Dumps" &C
cording to the following taken from
the Indian Citizen. a paper published
in Indian Territory:
"a man in the territory has been
shipping whiskey in Force boxes. The
J fraud was discovered by shrewd of.
1 fetal who happened to notice more
than usual smile on the countenance
of Sunny Jim that made him suspi
cious and led him to investigate, there.
| by spelling the smile and casting Jim
1 into the dumps, from which no amount
of Force will ever raise him. Poor
Jim"
Your Fortune as Told by the Planets
The Kodol almanac tells your for
tnune by the planets. and according to
the view it takes of things as they are
revealed to it by the man in the moon
and other mediums circulating around
in the atmosphere, there is great var
iety of life in store for the party who
81 of any old year.
The alarming feature about this per
iod of time. is that is is under the
influence of "Gemini." This is an alb
breviation the full and proper text OF
the expression being by Geminy
Krick." 1t is an Irish word from the
Latin dictionary and is used by people
who abhor profanity, but at times fee
that the occasion demands some eX
preston mighty close to swearing
| Those people think they are fooling
| the official scorer, but they're not
| When he hears them say it, he just
wags his TAIL and with his cloven hooi
he takes red hot pencil out of the
fire and marks an error on the score
sheet. And if you don't stop it, you'll
find at the end of the season that your
average is just about the. same as that
of your neighbor, whom you feel sc
sorry for. because he is such an awful
sinner. You'll kick on the umpire, but
he'll tell you that you can't cut third
| base on him and get away with it.
Then a little further on this fortune
teller says that you have a pleasant
disposition. quick temper, and are
scrupulously honest (a-a-hem-I didn't
mean anything-just a little impedi
ment in my voice., quick mind and
an ease Of speech (now these factors
go well with honestly and that you are
liable to turn out to be an orator. II
also says that your fortune will be
wavering.
This last is a logical and reasonable
conclusion 1t is easy to see that your
oratorical ability will lead you into
! notifies (hOnest pOlitics) and you bel