New-York tribune., 1905-08-05
OUR VILLAGE ELEVEN

Yet, though village greens play
We're far from common players.
The mason blocks with careful eye
We dub him "Old Stonewall"
The blacksmith hammers hard and high
And the spreading chestnuts fall
Sheer terror strikes our enemies
Whereas his slow deliveries
Would suit the veriest crock.
The butcher prides himself on chops;
His leg-cutS a joke;
But when he lambs the slow long-hops
There's beef behind his stroke.
The grocer seldom cracks his egg:
He cannot catch; he buffers.
The gardener mowS each ball to Leg
And trundles daisy cutters.
Our tailor's cut is world-renowned;
The coachmans drives are rare
He'll either cart you from the ground
Or go home with a pair.
The village constable is stout.
Yet tries short runs to win:
They say he's run more people out
Than ever he ran in.
The curate (captain) every match
Bowls pitfle doomed to saughter.
BY the wears elderly daughter
The matchmaker winds up the side.
r But o fails lis 0tt to time he his s pulls G,,ad
With pairs OF spectaclcs.
Our umpires fair; he says mot Out"
Or Out" just as he thinks;
And gives the benefit of the doubt
To all who stand him drinks.
No beatings Cbeatings are the rule)
Can make pride diminish:
Last week we dOwned the Blind Boys School
punch.
Talking the other day to the Cardinals who had
come to congratulate him on his SEVENTEEN birth
day, Plus y said: Il never thought 1 would learn
much in my old days 1 am doing For in
stance" he added with sunny smile II can now
write my without mussing up a cassock
worth 200 francs" And he explained: For Years
I INDUCED in tho habit of wipng my pen on the
left sleeve Of my coat before 1 began and during
writing. OF course. that didn't matter much as
long wore black clothes, but when I donned
the white Papal habit things looked different and
did L when 1 came from my writing room For
a time my valet didn't know where to get enough
clothes for to wear. Then I determined to
break with this bad habit. and did. One can give
up anything if one but tries hard enough"
Worth Whe.-Passenger (on trunk line of rail-
way)-Somehow the scenery along here looks diff
feTent from what II used TO-
Conductor-1eS; the road used TO run around this
hill We go through it now in deep cut. It cost
the cut. but it shortens our running time nearly
three seconds.-(Chicago Tribune.
The Swiss dislike the automobilist more than do
any other European people. Laws restricting the
motorist in the Alpine communities are severe and
are more usually enforced than in this country
for instance. He really has to slow down in the
villages and he is forbidden to travel the high
passes except in the tow of horse. Even these
restrictions. however. do not satisfy the demo-
cratic sentiments of the Helyetians. A contributor
10 the 'Berner Bund" writes of the motorist as
1.-The anarchist of the traffic question: and of his
car as "the bomb which the parvenu hurIs into
the midst of the defenceless masses" He pro-
poses therefore. the formation of ant-motor
league, of which the principal demand shall be
that, pending the ripening of opinion for the en-
tire suppression OF motorists, the roads shall at
least be forbidden to them Sundays and public
holidays.
Merely. a suggestion.-"Heres letter from a
woman, said the answer er-to-correspondents editor.
who wants to know what to use in cleaning car
pets
IF she's n married woman" suggested the snake
editor, tell her to use her husband. .'-(Chicago
News.
The following advertisement. according to '"The
London Express" appeared I'm an English provin-
cial paper few days ago: Young girl wanted as
general servant--not much work-need not wash"
Excuse me-" said the absent minded professor
but haven't we met before? Your face is strange
ly familiar"
Yes" answered the young. lady. "our hostess
introduced us just before dinner"
'Ah. yes" rejoined the professor. II was posi-
tive had seen you somewhere | never forget a
face. - Chicago News