Daily Kennebec journal. [microfilm reel] (Augusta, Me.) 1870-1975, 1905-11-27

of twins also. Think I'll order a
private census. Household growing
out Of all knowledge.
July 1l-This marrying habit gets a
hold on a man before he realizes 1t.
Am completely surprised by results of
census. Counting out possible ring
ers, census enumerator reports to-
tai of $50 wives-at least seventy-five
more than 1 had expected. Must be
good many strangers among Them
Hope to take a day off next week and
go around and get acquainted. Com
mon domestic duties should not be
sighted. according to my potion.
July 15-By special request acted as
police magistrate today. Mostly plain
DRINKS, but one very interesting case
turned up. Two women came into
court, both claiming the same baby.
Couldn't see any reason for making
so much fuss over one baby. or one
dozen, for that matter. Appeared to
be just plain, ordinary, everyday
baby-anywhere from 175 to 200 like
it over to my house. But you can't tell
about woman, and each of these was
swearing up and down the baby was
hers. For a minute it looked like
hard job for his honor, but all OF a
sudden an idea came to me.
pass up the exhibit" I says Court
Officer Dugan hands me the kid and
look it over and notice it's nose. Funniest
looking nose 1 ever saw growing on
baby. Seemed to be on upside down, or
hind part before, or something; from APP
pearances would say that every time he
sneezed he took a chance on drowning
himself. So l touched off the idea.
Il can't see any resemblance to either
of you in this baby" ! says to the lti-
giants. One of them didn't say anything,
but the other spoke right up:
why, judge" she says, everybody
says he's the image of me, all but the
nose. He gets the nose from my hus-
bands people-everybody on my side of
the house admits that"
Madam l says to her. you win
Here's your child.
l never knew that test to fail. Some
times l think I'm pretty wise Sazabo
when it comes to Strengthening out a
baby row, but then I've had more expert
ence in that line than most.
day from Sheba, headed by the Queen,
a pretty fair locker, but given to wearing
diamonds before breakfast.
July 2S-Sheba bunch left today. Found
'N~AA
more of her except for the Mesdames
Solomon. Mighty hard to show a visiting
lady little attention with eighty or nine
ty green-eyed wives shopping around all
the time making pointed remarks. The
Knockers Mutual Aid society up at my
matrimonial annex certainly worked over
time on the queen.
July O-Hoping to square things all
around and allay cauSelesS jealousy on
account of the queen, l gave a sort of out
door family reunion today. Had to go
eight miles out to find grove big enough.
What blamed idiot invented picnics. any
how" This was just like all the others.
Hot as blaZes until the customary cloud
burst arrived and soaked everybody.
Bum lunch at noon. Never did care for
red ants in my lemonade. If I've got to
have red ants serve EN- an entree,
please. It's also unpleasant to be called
down by SeventyfOur wives Simultane-
ously for drinking chOwder out of the end
of the spoon. And put up hammocks-Tll
bet | put up 10 if l put up one. Brigham
Young not due to be born for several
thousand Years yet but he has my ad-
vance sympathy right now.
Aug. 19-Nothing much doing since last
account. Lost two wives by Il Skiff turn
ing over, and acquired six new ones by
marriage. Things quiet otherwise.
Aug. S-Sometimes l think a fellow
ought to confine his weddings to one de-
nomination.; otherwise he brings on reli-
sious controversies in his home life.
Seems to me like I've put up about forty
private Chapels to accommodate wives
from Egypt and Moab and Ammon and
Edom and Sidon and New Jersey and
elsewhere; and today bride number 6H an
nounced that she was a Dowie convert
and wanted a snug little meeting house
for the use of the DOwie bunch. Nothing
doing for Dowie. Must draw the line
somewhere.
Sept. 3-Been staying at the club lately
Too stormy up at the house. One Of the
early editions of Mrs. Solomon-I did
know her first name but it slipped me
somehow-found a friendly. platonic let
ter from the Queen of Sheba in my Sum
day vest and told all the others. Result
fireworks around the Solomon fireSide
and the tall timber for the head of the
house. IN. B.-That head of the house
part is sarcasm.)
Sept. S-Picked out a dandy fall over
coat this morning.
Sept. 10-Got bills today for 100 polo
bonnets for Mrs. Solomon. Countermand-
ed order for that fall overcoat. Have de
cided that my last years benjamin will
last through another season. but from
past experiences know winter will be half
over before it loses the flavor of married
mans perfumcry-eau de camphor balls
Sept. 11-SometimeS | wonder what I've
done to deserve the reputation of being
wise.