Manchester Democrat. [volume] (Manchester, Iowa) 1875-1930, 1905-04-05
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He--Wonla YOU ratS or be pretty or
witty? -Sir!-NewN York Sun.
The coal man should be brought to
see the error of his weighs.-Philadel-
phia Record.
Does Mr.. Reuben Haybrick keep
boarders?" HE takes 'em, but he
don't keep EN-. "-Chicayo Chronicle.
Ella-He comes OF good family,
doesn't he? Stella-Yes. he's the only
thing l know against it.-Town
Topics.
Johnny-ra. is it wrong to steal
from trust? ,Iohnny's pa-Don't let
the question bother you. my son. It's
MISUNDERSTANDING Ledger
Gourmand after table d'hote}
Anything else, waiter? Waiter-Olk
more peach, sir, and you'll ave eat
the menu.-London Bystander.
"Dey amt no SIGH thing ez gittin'
married In heaven" Course dey ain't.
Don't de Bible tell You its place err
peace en- rcst?"-Atlanta Constitution.
Mrs. Hatterson--I didn't see you at
the lecture or The Simple Life" Mrs.
cutterson-Why, no; had no idea 1t
was going to be such swell affair."
Brooklyn Life
Wife-lt is so kind of you to put on
my boots for me. Kneeling Husband
tugging awayl--lts a--a--pleasure,
my dear. Still. I'm glad you're not a
entipede.-Pick- Me-Up.
Miss Riter-Could you use anything
In your Household Department this
week: Country Editor-Yes. we could
handle couple of dozen of fresh eggs
nicely.-New York Times.
Whit conclusion does that cam
paisn orator reach i'll his argumcnt?"
He never arrives Mt n conclusion.
He merely stops now and then to take
breath. "-Wasliington Star.
Willie-Teacher told us today that
there's a certain kind o. tree that
grows out o rocks. can't remember
what 1t was. His Pats family
tree, Observation-Disclosures Ledger.
The Irish lady declared to the mag
lstrate that the defendant had stolen
her hen. How do you know it Is
your hen?" asked the Judge. know
it, cried the irate lady. II have
known that ken ever since it was an
egg"
You probably don't remember me-"
began the self-made man proudly,
but twenty years ago. when l was a
poor. humble boy. you gave me a
message to carry" Yes, yes,"
cried the busy man. where's the
answers"
You are the first one to whom
have shown this poem," the young
poet went on; II was wooing the muse
last night Poor fellow" replied
the editor, handing back the manu-
script. Its too bad she rejected you"
Chicago Journal
Hicks-How do you happen to be
going fishing on Friday? thought
you believed Friday was an unlucky
day. Wicks-Well, always have.
But 1t occurred to me this morning
that perhaps it would be unlucky for
the fish.-Somervill Journal
I'm afraid you're not wise," said
the fair girl "Why?" demanded the
na-eistant s"itar "Recansa, q word tn
the wise is SUFFICIENT and l have sad
Nor to you" Yes. but I'm wise
enough to know that womans No,
may eventually mean yes "-Phila-
delphia Press.
At the end of thirty years Hiram
H., 1rtfu
and daughter We're delighted. For"
said they, with becoming modesy, I'VE
now not only have money enough to
cut splurge, but poor dear papa is {
too broken down to appear among the
best people. Life.
Its 80 long since you last called
upon me was beginning to think you
were forgetting me- said Miss Pechis,
as she came down to the young man
In the parlor I'm for getting yon,"
replied the ardent youth. land it's for
getting you that I've called tonight.
Can | have ?"-kennebec Journal.
The passenger who had been holding
himself up by strap sat down in
seat that had just been vacated.
There is plenty of room, ma'am," he
said to the pudgy, little matron sitting
next. Don't move" I'VE don't have
to- she said. with cheerful smile;
1--WE own the house we live in."-Chi-
cago Tribune.
II tell We what" asserted Old Man
Spiggets, that there painter Teller is
fine artist" what impressed you
about his work?" well, Their was a
pictur he called The Rainstorm.' an
| swan, 1t was that nat'ral that I
hadn't looked at it three minutes be-
fore my corns begin hurtin' me-
Cleveland Leader.
"Prosperity?" said Dr. Slighcem, the
eminent surgeon. There is altogether
too much prosperity! 1t is killing bust
ness" I'm what way?" asked the
other. why, sir. almost anybody
can afford to have appendicitis nowa-
days. and in consequence, all Of my
best patients regard it as too common,
and refuse to have it."-Chicago Trib-
une.
A gentleman who was in the habit
or dining udllS AT certain restaurant
said to the waiter ian lrlshmanl: In
stead of tipping YOU every day, Pat.
I will give YOU your tip in a lump
sum at the end of the month";" Would
you moind paying me in advance,
sorr?" well! that is rather strange
request. However, if you are in want
of some money now, here's half
crown for you, but did You mistrust
me?" "Oh, no. sorr, but am leaving
here tomorrow"
Fault In the Manner.
1t Is the manner Of the individual
that hurts. Perhaps your coat tail may
be spread out, and he sits on it, the