davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Iowa state bystander. [volume] (Des Moines, Iowa) 1894-1916, 1905-09-01

Judge Shelby, of Alabama, was
once talking about the difference be-
ween swearing and affirming. What
ever the difference is" he said, 1T is
lssuredly not what a certain old col
bred man understood it to be last
week. This colored man, entering
he witness-box, said he thought he
wouldn't swear. He thought he would
lust affirm. "Erastus," l said, how 10
his? A month ago, when you appear
I'd before me, you consented readily
enough to swear. Why it is that you
will only affirm now?" well, yo'
lonah," said Erastus, ode reason am
lat specks L amt quite so sure about
lie Jacks O. dis case as l wus O. de
)dder."
Iowa state bystander. [volume] (Des Moines, Iowa) 1894-1916, 1905-09-01

During President Harrlman's visit
to Cheyenne, Frank Jones, the young
son of Chief Clerk A. d. Jones. Of
the master-mechanic's office, was sent
to his private car with a telegram.
Mr.. Hartman, attracted by the lads
bright demeanor, said: What do you
do?" I'm one + tn directors f In
Union Pacific" What" exclaimed
Mr.. Hartman. Yep, | direc envel.
opes over t tn master. mechanics Of
tice," was the laconic reply.
Iowa state bystander. [volume] (Des Moines, Iowa) 1894-1916, 1905-09-01
Railway Notes.

Mr. l. p. Spinning, who for several
years past has occupied the position
of Northwestern passenger agent OF
the G. E. O., has been appointed Gen
eral Northern Agent of the Big -Four
Railway, with headquarters at 23s
Clark street, Chicago.
Iowa state bystander. [volume] (Des Moines, Iowa) 1894-1916, 1905-09-01
Every housekeeper should kno

Every housekeeper should know
that il they will buy Defiance Cold
Water Starch for laundry use they
will save not only time, because it
never sticks to the iron. but because
each package contains 16 Ozone full
pound-while all other Cold Water
Starches are put up in A-pound pack.
ages, and the price is the same, 10
cents. Then again because Defiance
Starch is free from all injurious chem
icals. If your grocer tries to sell you
a 1907. package it is because he has
a stock on hand which he wishes to
dispose of before he puts In Defiance.
He knows that Defiance Starch has
printed on every package in large let
tiers and figures "16 ozs." Demand De.
fiance and save much time and money
and the annoyance of the iron stick
ing Defiance never sticks.
Iowa state bystander. [volume] (Des Moines, Iowa) 1894-1916, 1905-09-01

A bride and bridegroom from cup
State went into a Kansas City hotel
'ecently, and asked for room. They
we're assigned to one On the top floor.
Is that very high up?" asked the
bridegroom. Its on the top floor,
out lis a fine" the clerk Logan.
Gimme something on tie first floor
lp," interrupted the bridegroom; "if
hey should be fire or anything |
want to git Nellie out. had hard
nough time gittin' this woman to
AXE chances on losin' her this soon"
Iowa state bystander. [volume] (Des Moines, Iowa) 1894-1916, 1905-09-01
The Ruoler.

Scorning the shot, and laughing at the
shell,
Behold the Bugler. At his shrll behest
The haggard hosts press from hell to
Until the flag floats proudly on the crest.
We are. the enes who need him; we who
In slothfss .sase and comfort while each
day .se 7H 81.
Our rights are shelled and shattered;
we who knit , ~
Our brows when Duty calls us, nor. obey.
Howard Sutherland. in San Francisco
Iowa state bystander. [volume] (Des Moines, Iowa) 1894-1916, 1905-09-01

An alarm of fire in the vicY.ity of
Harrison Street, In Baltimore, brought
out the fire department of the district
last week. While the bells changed
and the pungent wood smoke of the
engines filed the air, the merchant
who occupied the first floor pushed
his way through the crowd and hung
signboard over the door. 1t read:
mo interruption to business"
Iowa state bystander. [volume] (Des Moines, Iowa) 1894-1916, 1905-09-01
Insist on GETTING lt.

Some grocers say they don't keep
Defiance Starch. This is because they
have a stock on hand of other brands
containing only IL OF in a package,
which they won't be able to sell first,
because Defiance contains 16 or. for
the same money.
Do you want 16 OF. instead of 70 OF.
for same money? Then buy Defiance
Starch. Requires no cooking.
Iowa state bystander. [volume] (Des Moines, Iowa) 1894-1916, 1905-09-01

Admitting young listener--'"And how
did you lose your leg?" Old salt
well, young man, one night in the
dog watch, while ! was carryin' a,
baby jib, l stepped on starboard
tack and blood pisin ensooed. Pitts
burg Dispatch.
Iowa state bystander. [volume] (Des Moines, Iowa) 1894-1916, 1905-09-01

Lady driver Of automobile to trampe
by the wayside--"Can you show us
the way to Great Washington, please?"
Weary Willie-"Cert'nly, miss, cert
My. WIRE a-goin' that way. 'Op up,
Joe. Anythink to oblige a lady!"-
Punch,
Iowa state bystander. [volume] (Des Moines, Iowa) 1894-1916, 1905-09-01

You never hear any enc complain
about Defiance Starch" There is none
to equal it in quality and quantity, Is
ounces, 10 cents. Try it now and save
your money.
Iowa state bystander. [volume] (Des Moines, Iowa) 1894-1916, 1905-09-01

1t is mighty strong friendship that
can survive the test of benefits con.
ferred.
Iowa state bystander. [volume] (Des Moines, Iowa) 1894-1916, 1905-09-01

Some men think that the Almighty
only gave them sense enough to prove
that he had none.
Iowa state bystander. [volume] (Des Moines, Iowa) 1894-1916, 1905-09-01

NJ Went Home to Die from Gravel Trouble
Doctors failed DR.. David Kennedy's Favorite Remedy
cured me-" Mrs. G. w. Brown, Petersburg n Y.
Iowa state bystander. [volume] (Des Moines, Iowa) 1894-1916, 1905-09-01

Piso cure for Consumption Is an infallible
medicine for coughs and colds.-N. w. SAMUEL.
Ocean Grove, N. j., Feb. II, 1900.
Iowa state bystander. [volume] (Des Moines, Iowa) 1894-1916, 1905-09-01

Defiance Starch Is guaranteed biggest
and best or money refunded. 16
ounces, 10 cents. Try it now.
Iowa state bystander. [volume] (Des Moines, Iowa) 1894-1916, 1905-09-01

There doesn't live man who OBJ.
jects to having nice things said about
him, ."'
Iowa state bystander. [volume] (Des Moines, Iowa) 1894-1916, 1905-09-01

Compressed tea is used largely in
the Russian army.
Iowa state bystander. [volume] (Des Moines, Iowa) 1894-1916, 1905-09-01

There are times when the still small
voice of conscience sounds as If it had
been filtered through megaphone.
Iowa state bystander. [volume] (Des Moines, Iowa) 1894-1916, 1905-09-01

Greenland now has nearly 10000 in.
0abitants.
Iowa state bystander. [volume] (Des Moines, Iowa) 1894-1916, 1905-09-01

4 MA TO worse, knowing full well that
HUy ought to have immediate assist
ElSee, but natural msdesty impels
S369m to shrink from exposing them
lyes to the questions and probably
of even their family
#HNysician. 1t is unnecessary. Without
1ney or price you can consult wo-
3 IN whose knowledge from actual ex.
5ience is great.
es. Pinkham's StandlSY Invitation.
Women suffering from any form OF
y male weaknessare invited to promptly
with Mrs. Pinkham, at
fnn, Mass All letters are received,
ened, read and answered by women
NV. A woman can freely talk of her
Kfyate illness to a woman; thus has
"A In established the eternal confidence
etween Mrs. Pinllham and the women
America which has never been
III kfOken. Out OF the vast volume of
u TXperience which she has to draw from,
II! us more than possible that she has
E1ined the very knowledge that will
help your case. She aSHs nothing in
Setnrn except your goodwill and her
advice has relieved thousands. Surely
my woman, rich or poor, is very foolish
ss19 she does not take advantage of this
a 4nerous offer of assistance.
you are ill, don't hesitate to get a
ttle of Lydia E. Pinkham'sVegetable
9mpound at once, and write Mrs. Pink
Msn. Lynn. Mass, for special advice.
I'm hen q medicine has been successful
restoring to health so many women,
xosa cannot we'll say, without trying it,
do not believed it will help me-"
Iowa state bystander. [volume] (Des Moines, Iowa) 1894-1916, 1905-09-01

The worm will turn when trodden
on, which proves that even a worm
has a turning point in it's life.
Iowa state bystander. [volume] (Des Moines, Iowa) 1894-1916, 1905-09-01

The man who successfully acts like
fool frequently is following his ma
tural bent.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1905-12-05
BIG BATCH OF BILLS.
$500 Were introduced in the House
Yesterday.

Bills and resolutions to the number OF
forty-tive hundred-o31 of them public bills
and the rest private measures-landed in
the House hopper yesterday. The honor of
submitting bill No. l on the long list went
to Delegate Mcguire of Oklahoma, whose
measure provides for the admission of Ok
lahoma and Indian Territory to joint state
hood. Representative Brownlow of Ten
nessee turned in nearly four hundred bills
and heads the list on this count, with Rep
resentative William Alden Smith Of Michi-
gan close second with more than $50
measures to his credit The public bills in
troduced cover the widest possible variety
of subjects, including Philippine tariff
statehood. pensions, regulation of the
hours of employment in the government de-
partments. merchant marine, increase of
the salaries Of cabinet members, publicity
of corpora ton affairs, powers of the inter-
state commerce commission, investigation
Of campaign contributions, expenditures en-
the Panama canal, inquiry into insurance
companies. cotton crop report, child labor,
election Of senators by direct vote, a six
year term for the President, etc.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1905-12-05
OREGON LAND FRAUDS.
Commissioner General Richards Inves-
tigating Some New Gases,

The new frauds in connection with the
Oregon land sales have been called to the
attention of Commissioner General of the
Land Office Richards by newspaper men
1t appears in the recently reported cases
that the land in question belonged entirely
to the state of Oregon, but Notwithstanding
this fact Commissioner Richards has been
engaged for some time in making a rigid
investigation of the question, which is said
to include the passage of 100000 acres of
land from the control of the state by
means of dummy entries and the use of
forged certificates by which eastern finan-
cters have been swindled out OF large sums
OF money.
1t was explained that while the matter
OF the sale of lands granted to the state of
Oregon by the United States for any pur-
pose whatever is wholly between the state
and purchasers and is controlled by the
laws of the state, it nevertheless is the
duty of the government In cases where
fraud is alleged to see to 1t that the lands
affected are not offered in exchange for
lands of the government. 1t would not be
admitted at the general land Office that
such offers of exchange have been made
but from the investigation now going on
the inference is that they have been.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1905-12-05
Altogether Too Trustful.

From the New York Tribune
Hemery. the winner of the Vanderbilt cup.
was condoled with on the destruction of his
superb car.
Il was too tIustful" said the young
Frenchman. with rueful smile. Il let the
people crowd around me- trusting them i'm
picitly. never thinking that any one would
be SO careless as to throw lighted matches
about And hence-pouf-my car went up
in a mass of fames''
He lighted a cigarette. He slipped his
coffee.
ITO be too trustful,' said Hemery, is
fault of the French people.
A stranger once visited merchant Of
MarseHles with letter of Introduction from
Alexander Dumas. 1t was glowing letter.
The merchant welcomed the stranger warm
ly, and entertained him with great hos
pitality for three weeks.
Then in the night the guest disappeared,
taking with him his hosts best horse, and q
quantity of silver plate.
THE merchant, on his next visit TO Paris,
sought out Dumas.
"A pretty guest you sent me- he said,
bitterly The fellow decamped with my
best horse and plate worth 5000 francs
What! cried Dumas, horror stricken.
Did he steal from you. too?' -
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1905-12-05
Tricking a Famous Surgeon.
From the Reader.


Sir Morel Mackenzie once received a wire
from Antwerp asking him his charges for
certain operation. He replied $500, and
was told to come at once. When he stepped
upon the dock he was met by three men
In mourning, who informed him sadly that
he had come too late; the patient had died
that morning.
But" said the spokesman of the party
we know that you did what you could.
and we do not intend that you shall be out
of pocket a shilling We Shall nav YOU
your full fee. And they did And now"
said the man, "since you are here. what
do you say to visiting the city hospital
and giving clinic for the benefit of our
local surgeons? 1t Is not often that we
have an opportunity of benefiting by such
science as yours"
Sir Morel said he would gladly comply He
went to the hospital and performed many
operations among which were two of a.
similar nature to that for which he had
been called over. When he had finished all
thanked him profusely. On the steamer go
Ing home he met friend who had a BUSH
ness house In Antwerp.
Pretty scurvy trick they played on you
Sir Morel."
What do you mean?" asked the sur
geon.
Told you the patient died before YOU
arrived. didn't they2"
Yes"
Lied. You operated on him and a friend
with the same trouble at the clinic Got
two operations for one price"
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1905-12-05
THE NEBULAR HYPOTHESIS.
Chicago University Professor Favors
the Theory Of Accretion.

From the New York Tribune.
Prof. T. C. Chamberlain, who fills the
chair of geology in the University of Chi
cago, does not believe in the nebular hy-
pothesis; and he outlined before an associa-
ton Of teachers in mathematics last week
a theory which commends itself more
strongly than this to his judgment. La
place, 1t will be remembered, held that at
some period in the remote past there ex
listed an enormously extended nebula which
had acquired whirling movement. By de-
grees 1t grew fatter and fiatter. and then
one ring after another was detached from
what was its outer edge. The rings broke
up and consolidated into the planets, he
thought, and the central portion, greatly
condensed, formed the sun. Prof Chamber
lain does not doubt that the planets are
true children of that body. The spectre
scope shows that the latter contains more
than half of the chemical elements found in
and on the earth. The presumption that
the whole solar system has the same COM
How the material came to be transferred
from the parental mass to the progeny,
though, Is the question in dispute. The
Chicago geologist believes that 1t was re-
jected by eruptive action which was ex-
cited by near approach of another sum-
and that, by process of "accretion," what
were widely separated and very numerous
fragments became associated into eight or
more spheres.
Astronomers have long felt that the nebu-
lar hypothesis was vulnerable. 1t does not
fully explain observed phenomena. Mod
ern scientists can see, for instance how
such rings as Laplace describes could be
formed, but they cannot imagine what
force could cause them to break up and
change their shape; and many of them are
particularly skeptical about the possibility
that the product of any such accident
would become sphere. Then, the behavior
of the satellites of some of the outer
planets is not In harmony with the doctrine
of Laplace. To these and further objec-
tions which have long been recognized
Prof, Chamberlain adds at least one more
He does not believe that the rotatory power
of the sun was ever equal to throwing of
the planets and causing them to revolve
around It, Perhaps he has not allowed suf-
ficiently for the various retarding infiu-
ences which have operated upon the veloc-
ity of the suns rotation; but at any rate
the suggestion deserves consideration 1t
Is for experts to say how far the case
against Laplace is reinforced by the argu-
ment here adduced; and they may conclude
that Mr.. Chamberlain's plea Is not unreal
sonable.
Still, when It comes to choice between
the nebular hypothesis and the accretion
theory we believe that the majority of as
tronomers will find the former the more
satisfactory.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1905-12-05
Girl Manager of Big Ranch.

From the Kansas City Journal
Miss Georgia Burns, formerly a Kansas
City girl. Is the manager of the Arrow
Heart cattle ranch, consisting of some H.
COO acres in Beaver county, O. r., thirty
i've miles from the nearest railroad, ana
has under her control about 100. 900 acras
of proven oil and mineral land In the Choc-
taw and Chickasaw nations, Indian Terri
tory.
Miss Burns lives alone excepting Tor her
ranch help and household help. She spends
much of her time in the saddle. She mounts
broncho and works as one of her cow
boys works, never taking advantage of be-
ing woman to pass up any kind Of q
difficult or dangerous task that falls to
her lot
Miss Burns can ride, shoot and rope cat
tie with the same dextertty and skill OF
which any of her cowboys can boast Miss
Burns is the youngest woman ranch own
er In the United States, and for three
years has held this distinction. She en-
tered upon a claim OF 100 acres, which was
the nucleus of her extensive holdings When
she was eighteen years old, which age was
necessary for her to reach before being
able TO secure a patent from the govern
ment to tract OF land.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1905-12-05

Pyof. Won Leuthold. surgeon general OF
the army, and the emperor's body physi-
clan, Il dead at Berlin.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1905-12-05
THE PENSION ROLL.
The Commissioners Monthly Report
Shows It's Decrease.

According to the monthly report of the
commissioner of pensions It appears that
the number of pensions issued during the
month of October decreased to the extent
of 1899 This loss In the roll is shown by
statistics as follows:
By death, 4.7oi; by remarraige. a; minors
by legal limitation, 50; by failure to claim.
80, for other causes. 40; total, 1889
Pensions were granted yesterday to the
following persons:
In the District of Columbia-Herbert A.
Emery, SIT; Frederick A Wilker, IS:
Charles j. MeCorey, IS. and Mary ].
West, IS. syr
In Maryland-Moses Jennings, $40: BAIL
NJ. Powell. $40; George W. Muil" $40 and
George w. Maynard. S12
In Virgina-M c. Mitchell. IS; Isaac
Anuck. So; Michael Karachner, s12 and c.
7. Hamilton, S11.
In West Yirgiuia-George ShuIar. $50:
William Mckinney, $40; Harvey Mount.
ST.; William Sigman, SIS; Thomas w.
Flower, "A, and Sat!na A. Wagner IS.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1905-12-05
BREAKER AHEAD!
SOME COFFEE USERS HIT THE ROCKS HARD.


Tie experience Of Woodworking minister Illus.
trates the grave dangers INTO which coffee drink
ing leads the unconscious victim.
D"ranged nerves clogged liver and disturbed
heart action. rarely attributed by the sufferers
to the right cause, and the aid of powerful and
dangerous drugs is sought to give the relief.
Opium, IN its various forms, is tho commonly used
sedative, and with the result, frequently that
the of the coffee Is continued, tie ailnient
grows worse. and larger and larger doses Of the
drug demanded.
Then GENES day when the victim realizes with
horror that he has become the slave Of terrible
habit the most difficult TO overcome OF any known
to medical practice. Thousands go TO their graves
every year because OF drug addictions, and the
proportion Of those who recover is very small In
deed, for to break the chain that binds the suf-
ferer strength Of will power is required Of which
the drug has already robbed him.
Very few, perhaps, ever deliberately make choice
Of Indulgence in hypnctc drugs. In the majority
OF cases the use is begun merely as temporary
expedieht, and with thought OF its continuance;
but with each dose the power resist the appetite
it creates grows less. And those who do
deretaId the dangers Of coffee indulgence are, be-
cause of that very ignorance, the more easily led
to tho verge Of moral as well physical ship
wreck.
The clergyman referred TO says that he had been
a coffee drinker for 20 years, and that time
went on he became semi-invald. 1T made me
sorted hypnotic drugs to induce sleep or TO en-
able me make the necessary preparations for
tie pulpit"
A clergyman is expected 10 preach good sermons,
and when be finds his intellectual faculties have
grown sluggish that he cannot properly prepare
himself. it may be readily that the tempta-
tion to stimulating drug TO overcome this
inertia and quicken his powers might prove fairly
irresistible.
The time to him when he realized his dam
gerous condition. 1t must be serious for re-
lgious teacher to drift into such state: he states
that about that time he went through the Postum
factories at Battle Greek and how Postum Cof-
fee is made and when he went home ne determined
to make the struggle for freedom. He found 1t easy
to rid himself Of the coffee habit at once. for
Postum gave him the hot delicious beverage no
wanted for breakfast and no drug, but rather the
strong rebuilding food elements. Thereupon bis
natural sleep returned the pains In head dig
appeared and the old lethargy left and he says the
growth in his ..vigor and strength has been most
true and happy return to natural
conditions and perfect health. It's worth while.
Name given By Postum Co., Battle Creek Mich.
There's a reason. Read the little book, ia
Rad y Wellvins." n pksA
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1905-12-05
Against the Upper Berth.

Representative Brownlow, large, portly
person from Tennessee, took a crack at
the lordly sleeping car porter yesterday
through the medium of a House bill, which
makes it unlawful to lower the upper berth
in any sleeping car If the berth has
not been already sold. Mr.. Brownlow
when asked to reveal the hidden spring of
injury resentment that shot that par
dcular bill into the hopper sighed, looked
glum, said something under his breath, and
was silent
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1905-12-05

place TO her Seating herself without
thanking him-she exclaimed In tones that
reached to the furthest end OF the car:
what do you want to stand I'D there
for? Come here and sit on my lap7"
Madam gasped the man, az his face
became scarlet. III fear I am not desery-
ing OF such an honor.
What do you mean2'' shrieked the wom-
an. You know very well was speaking
to my niece there behind you"
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1905-12-05
Roo Close.

From the Philadelphia Press.
Ascum-"How are your friends the Citi-
mans these daysp
Gubbubs-"Oh! we can hardly be said to
be friends now. You know the Citimans
are no longer residing in Philadelphia
Ascum-"Why, / heard they had moved
out into the country where you are"
6ubbubs That's Just IT.; we're neighbours
now
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1905-12-05
He Heard Too Much.
Ie Seattle Post-Intelligencer.

From the Seattle Post Intellgencer.
The public is invited to sympathize with
quiet and retiring citizen who occupied
a seat near the door of crowded Green
Lake car last night when nlasterfui. stout
woman entered.
Having no newspaper behind which to
hide. he was fixed and subjugated by her
glittering eye. He rose and offered his
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1905-12-05
COTTON STATISTICS.
MI. Lewis Bill Proposing an Investi'
cation of Methods.

An echo of the cotton crop report scandal
was heard at the Capitol yesterday when
Representative. Lewis of Georgia introduced
bill proposing an investigation into the
methods Of the Agricultural Department
and Census Bureau in preparing and pub
fishing cotton statistics
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1905-12-05
A Knock.

From the Philadelphia Press.
waiter-"Did you order beef la mode.
sir?'
Crouch Qmpatiently} YES. What's the
matter? Are you waiting for the styles to
changer"