Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1905-09-24
CITY DISCOYERER
MEETS A DIPLOMAT

. One afternoon last week the City Dis
ccyerer was returning from a long and
pleasant ramble in the country. and was
stroliing homeward along one of the shaded
roads In Rock Creek Park. when he saw APP
preaching from the opposite direction a
tall. rortiy person. with self-sufficient air
and an inflated chest. who seemed DESTROYS
of attracting his attention. The Discovercr
Is nothing IL not sociabie. and he beamea
OH the big man through his gold-rimmed
glasses.
Good evening"" remarked the man with
the inflated chest, lingering his gray beard
complacentiy.
Good evening" replied the Discoverer
warmly. II am very glad to have the
pleasure Of"
"Certainment' calculated the big
stranger In deep voice. "of course you
are You are an American citizen, are you
not?"
L am replied the City Discoverer in
some surprise
Then or course you are glad to meet
me, replied the big stranger with smile
Il have made a big hit with the American
people In fact. make big hit wherever
/ CO."
Is that SOP said the Discoverer. du-
biously.
oh. yes" replied the man with the self
sUfncient air. as he laid his hand on HIS
heart. Il am positively irresistible First,
1 made friends of the American public, then
l wound this President of yours around my
finger. then L"
Sir. cried the Discoverer, his face red
with rage and his mild blue eyes sparkling.
what do you mean? You are contempt
ibie liar. and you"
The man with the inflated chest stepped
forward and grasped the DISCOVERIES hand
Il thank you. Sir" he said, with all my
heart. l knew l had secured the admira-
know to what an extent"
The Discoverer gasped for breath and
stared at the big stranger in amazament.
Yes. said the latter compiacently. ''as
l was saying.I wound that strenuous Pres
ident of yours around my finger and made
perfect fool of him.
Sir" cried the Discoverer. his mild blue
eyes blazing with wrath. you are not only
we'll.
The big man stepped forward and again
pressed the DISCOVERIES hand. MY dear
friend. he cried, emotion in his tones you
are kind. indeed. knew the American peo-
pie admired me. but did not realize that
they knew my true worth. Your remarks
overwhelm me-
The City Discoverer stared at the stran-
ger in a dazed fashion.
And as was saying" continued the big
man. as he inflated his chest and stroked
his beard. II not only pulled the wool over
the eyes of your President and made a per-
feet fool of him. but almost In a night
changed the American people from Japa
nese sympathizers into Russian support
Liar, Boaster! Beast, Ananiasi Luciferi
Fool! Idiot" calculated the City Disooverer
in rapid succession. as his blue eyes blazed
with angergand his portly little body shook
The big stranger threw his arms about
the Discoverer. Most delightful of per-
sons he cried, ALLOW me TO kiss you. Most
complimentary of men, allow me to en-
brace YOU
The City Discoverer struggled from the
bear-like hug and backed away.
las l was about to say" resumed the
stranger. Il played a most important part
In the peace conference. In fact. may say
there was one else In it but me. / made
the Japanese appear like school children.
Compared to my mental efforts their diplo-
macy looked ike, as you Americans would
say thirty cents In Chinese currency. This
Baron Komura Is stupid 1 was the only
man there who possessed an intellect At
every turn 1 checkmated the Japanese. 1t
was I that won the day for Russia. No
one else could have done 1t. i
Sir" cried the Discoverer. as he raised
his hand on high for emphasis you are
the most constituencies liar. the most ar
rant boaster and the most contemplate
sooundrel have ever met"
The big stranger clasped his hands in
RAPTURE. Never" he cried, have known
a man who so knew the art of fiattery, who
could so delicately convey the highest COM
pEments, who could SO truly and so briefly
give an estimate of character and worth.
l shall be indebted to you all my life for
the pleasant things you have said.
The DiScoverer fell back pace or two.
His emotions had left him white and trem-
bling, and he stared at the big stranger
with something of fear in his eyes.
nd continued the big man as he In
fiated his chest again. after achieving a
succession of American triumphs l left
the United States and went to France.
where my successes were repeated. took
the French people to task for their atti-
tude toward Russia during the Russian
Japanese war, and. like the sycophants they
are they recognized their master and came
fawning about me. They licked my hand
and"
Liar! scoundrel Hypocrite, Boaster!
Villain! Coward! Knave! Prevaricator!
Beast" cried the Discoverer with mis- re-
manning breath.
The big man seized the Discoverer by the
shoulders and kissed him repeatedly on
both checks. What can I say he cried.
convey my thanks for your complimentary
remarks? You are too good-too kind. l
can never express my gratitude"
Sir said the City Discoverer family.
as he extricated himself and backed away
from the big man, who in the world are
your
'.Sergius WHITE. head of the Russian peace
plenipotentiaries." the big man proudly re-
piled as he reinflated his chest and ag-
gravated his self-sui..cient air.
And why" asked the Discoverer, as he
paused o. a safe distance do you thank
me for the things / have said?'
Sir, replied the self-proclaimed NJ.
Witte proudly you have called me the
foremost diplomat of Russia.
who would have thought it?" muttered
the City Discoverer wonderingly. as he wan
derad hOmeward. his hands locked behind
his back, his head bowed on his breast