davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Ely miner. [volume] (Ely, Minn.) 1895-1986, 1905-11-10


Copyright 1905 by Joseph B. Bowles)
Inc old groceryman was in front of
the grocery in his shirt sleeves, with
watering pot in his hand, trying to
brace up some wilted lettuce that had
seen better days. After all attempts
had failed and the lettuce laid down
in it's bed with an appealing ,ook, as
much as to say: Don: inject any
thing. but let me die natural death"
the old man acted as though he
thought the end had come. He had
just taken off his hat and was gaz-
Ing at his dying patient, when the
bad boy came up. and, with an under
taker look on his face, he took his
hat and famed the lettuce, and said:
Friends who desire to take last look
at the deceased may pass in the front
door, and retire by the back door. No
flowers; burial private"
Nov, what you want to butt in here
for, when l am having all this trou-
ble?" said the old man, as he poured
out the remaining water in the
sprinkler on the dying salad material.
'That is where the profits go. When
/ bought that lettuce at the commits
sion house day before yesterday, it
was bright and crisp, with dew drops
on the leaves, and it cracked when /
handled 1t, and look at it now, IS linn
Der as starched collar at a picnic,
and it wouldn't stand up If it wore
clutches. Gee, but If had patent
on something that would keep lettuce
crisp until 1t was sold, wouldn't want
no gold mine," and the old man threw
the watering pot on the floor, and
sighed.
WELL" said the bad boy, as he tried
few strawberries off the top of a
box, trying to rejuvenate wilted let
tuce is like putting false hair, or hair
dye, on an old .woman's head, and
putting oriental cream and powder on
The Ely miner. [volume] (Ely, Minn.) 1895-1986, 1905-11-10
Election Returns That Interest All Parties
Weighed by His Soap.

In the little town of Peru, ten miles from
Pittsfield, the farmers in the winter bring
their butter and eggs to Frank Creamer's
and exchange them for tea, sugar or any
thing else they need.
One day Mrs. Ackert brought some but
ter in pound Jumps to exchange, and after
weighing them, he said: Mrs. Ackert, this
butter does not weigh pound"
it by pound of soap 1 got here few days
ago"-Boston Herald.
The Ely miner. [volume] (Ely, Minn.) 1895-1986, 1905-11-10

are cross-eyed, and when the whistle
blows, and they come aboard to get
acquainted with the ship, they be-
come seasick. and can't hit a single
cruiser, but have to wait till the en-
envy gets into focks, like boy shoot
ing ducks. Look at those little Japs
Their eyes are put in slanting, and
you would think they would shoot
around corner, but when they get
braced behind a gun, and take aim,
and pull the dingus, the rolling mill
that they fire at the enemy hits it in
the solar plexus, and anybody that is
alive when the explosion comes jumps
overheard and browns. So we want
to be ready for any enemy that comes
along, cause you don't know what mo-
ment some nation is going to mix"
"But what's the use of keeping
shooting at mark all the time, by the
army fellers?" said the old man, with
a tired look. "Now, when the rebel
The Ely miner. [volume] (Ely, Minn.) 1895-1986, 1905-11-10
Too Vaeue.

An English magazine tells a court
story. A counsel, in the middle of his
cross-examination, was handed a tele-
gram. "Hello!" he said, as he read 1t,
"So-and-So has won the Derby"
"Mr. A." said the judge, severely,
at is very unseemly that in the course
Of solemn judicial proceedings, where
a mans liberty and reputation are at
stake, you should be talking of the
winner Of a horserace. Er-by the
way, does the telegram say what was
second and third?"-N. Y. Tribune.
The Ely miner. [volume] (Ely, Minn.) 1895-1986, 1905-11-10
to-
Find the Pole
Uncle Jase Points Out
Way to Success

1T HERE amt no doubt but what
Uncle Jason has idees," said the
man from the Knob country, IAN I'm
sort O. ponderin' on one that he got
rid of t'other day at the Eddy, an !
think folks ought to know about it. fer
eft twas took up an pushed it mowt
settle question that's been disturbin'
the country fer longer than | kin re-
member.
, ut was an uncommon hot day, an
We was maturity thinkin about ice an
sech things, till we got way up to
talkin' O. the north pole, an Uncle Jase
he says:
Eyes! An this Teller Peary is sail
in up in. that deestric, with his fur
cap on his forehead, as you mowt say,
an his harpoon in his hand, jabbin'
amongst the icebergs, at roarin' wal
russes an spoutin' whales, an actu'ly
believin' that he's goin' to diskiver that
north pole. Well, he's jest as nigh to
that north pole now as he ever will
git, kin tell him. says Uncle Jase.
AN as nigh as anyone else IL ever git,
says he, unless they foller out my
idee!' says he.
Now always notice that Uncle ia
sons idees has nubs to 'em. an so /
says:
Didn't know you had an idee on to
1t. JASON says I.
Didn't eh?' says he. why, consarn
It, Danl!' says he, the woods is full
o. my idee!, My idee on to diskiverin'
the north pole is bari says he. 4 kin
take bar an Giskiver that north pole
so quick it'd make your head swim,
says he.
This was so cSol an refreshin'
that fer a spell it seemed as if Uncle
Jase had actu'fy diskivered the pole an
brung it in. along with considerable G.
the landscape surroundin' where it
growed. Nobody didn't seem to want
to say nothin' nor move fer quite a
spell, an Uncle Jase co'nized the SIT
uation by scocpin' quite big handful
o loose chawin' outen the pail on the
counter. That sort o. het Simon up
an he shet tn lid down on to the pail
an sot on It. Then I come to. an
says:
"'B'ars? says I. Bars. Jason?'
"'B'ars!' says he. That's my idee
as to findin' the north pole says he
AN the woods is full of it.
What's that timber fer, anyhow
stickin' up in that 'wayback Ar'tic
country where nobody can't find it!
What's 1t fer?'~ says he 'Jes' fer
nothin' but to accommodate them sassy
polar bars! Jes' fer nothin' else,
"'Now, bar is bar. You know that
DanI, consarned well, says Uncle Jase
4 don't keer where you find 'em,' saws
he, nor whether they're white or blacl
or cinnamon or brown, ones jes' the
same as t'other un. One natur' fits
'em all, an that's jes' bari says he.
"T bet some o. you has many a time
lost heap O. fun with bar les by
thinkin' they was runnin' away from
you count o. bein'- skeert o. you, wher
they was only scootin' to git to some
tree or other where they could scratch
an slash it to sharpen up their claws
so as they'd be filter to fight YOU.
"'You know bar enough to know
that, Dan'l,' says Uncle Jase: an
couldn't say didn't. Bar will d.
that says Uncle Jase, from Green
lands icy mountains to Injy's cora
strand, an from there to anywheres,
says he, an I bet some o. you ha,
missed q heap o. fun fer not KNOWN
It.
The Ely miner. [volume] (Ely, Minn.) 1895-1986, 1905-11-10
Room Needed.

you're not going to give up your
coy little fiat, surely?"
Yep; doctors orders He insists
that every morning when rise must
stand perfectly erect and expand my
chest a dozen times or so."-Phila'
delphia Press.
The Ely miner. [volume] (Ely, Minn.) 1895-1986, 1905-11-10
New Industry.

Agent will just leave this prospectus,
sir, and when you read it through care
fully, you will see that you cannot pos
sibly do without our company, If you
want to make sure of the future of your
wife and little ones.
Business Man-What's your speciality
eve insure you against loss on your life
insurance policies. "-Baltimore American.
The Ely miner. [volume] (Ely, Minn.) 1895-1986, 1905-11-10

man, with peaceful look, as though
he was seeking heaven upon earth
well, by ginger, you have got me, !"
said the bad boy, trying to think OF
the most peaceful place he visited
while abroad. "The fact, is. we were
not looking particular for quiet.
peaceful places, but for excitement and
rush, and trouble, and we got 1t. sure.
I had thought that in Norway and
Sweden one could get plenty of peace,
sliding down hill in winter, on skis
and toboggans, but since we got home
l see that Norway has seeded from
Sweden. and they have got to fight. so
/ wouldn't go there. Ireland is about
as beautiful a country as one could
wish to be In, but in the cities every
body Is rich. and they live high and
The Ely miner. [volume] (Ely, Minn.) 1895-1986, 1905-11-10
Go East via the Nickel Plate Road

Lowest rates via the Nickel Plate Road
end its eastern connections to all points
in Eastern and New England States.
Three elegant through trains daily to
Cleveland, Buffalo, New York and Boston.
Meals served in Dining Cars on the Indi.
IS cents to $l.OO. Also service a la carte.
Luxurious Sleeping Cars on all trains. No
excess fare charged on any train on the
Nickel Plate Road, and service as good as
the best. For full information regarding
rates, connections, sleeping car reserva.
tions, etc.. address j. Y. Callahan, General
Agent, ll3 Adams St., Chicago, Ill.
The Ely miner. [volume] (Ely, Minn.) 1895-1986, 1905-11-10
Monument to a Dog.

Aargau town council has voted a4O
towards monument to the memory
of Carlo, st. Bernard dog which died
recently, and which during the last
nine years saved nearly 100 lives on
the Alps.
The Ely miner. [volume] (Ely, Minn.) 1895-1986, 1905-11-10

had kidney trouble so badly they were
agonized with pain in the back, head
and loins, rheumatic attacks and urin-
airy disorders. am glad to recommend
such deserving remedy.
(Signed) MARCUS r. MAYER.
Sold by all dealers. SO cents box.
Foster-Milburn Co., Buffalo, N. Y.
The Ely miner. [volume] (Ely, Minn.) 1895-1986, 1905-11-10

Coquelin and other
famous singers and
actors, writes:
Gentlemen: I wish
as many suffering men
and women as I can
reach to know the ex-
cellence of Doan's
Kidney Pills. / was
greatly benefited by
this remedy and know
it cured several who
The Ely miner. [volume] (Ely, Minn.) 1895-1986, 1905-11-10

13o FREE BOTTLE Ills
Send this coupon with your name and
address and druggists name, for free
bottle of Mulrs Grape Tonic for Stomach
and Bowels to
MULL's GRAPE Tonic Co., 147 Third Ave-,
Rock Island, Ill.
Gtpe Full address and Write Plainly.
The $1O0 bottle contains nearly three times
the Soc size. At drug stores.
The Ely miner. [volume] (Ely, Minn.) 1895-1986, 1905-11-10
Saw the Teeth.

Connecticut Visitor gazing across the
sound toward Oyster .Bayl-Is that the
White Squadron over there?
Democratic Host-No. The president 10
smiling Y. Times.
The Ely miner. [volume] (Ely, Minn.) 1895-1986, 1905-11-10

The genuine has a date and number
stamped on the label-take no other from
your druggist.
The Ely miner. [volume] (Ely, Minn.) 1895-1986, 1905-11-10

ode man dat does de mos work." said
Uncle Eben, "ain' de man dat loses time
standin' roun' talkin' bout how much
work he does. "-Washington Star.
The Ely miner. [volume] (Ely, Minn.) 1895-1986, 1905-11-10
GRATIFYING PRAISE.
Letter from Marcus Mayer, the Great
Patron of Music and Drama.

Marcus R. Mayer who brought to
America Mime. Patti, Duse, Salvini,
The Ely miner. [volume] (Ely, Minn.) 1895-1986, 1905-11-10

The average man is to be seen every
where-except in mirror.-Chicago Daily
News.
The Ely miner. [volume] (Ely, Minn.) 1895-1986, 1905-11-10
BY HON. GEORGE w PECK

(Ex-Governor of Wisconsin, Formerly Ed
itor "Peck's Sum-" Author "Peck's
Bad Boy" Etc0
The Ely miner. [volume] (Ely, Minn.) 1895-1986, 1905-11-10
The Bad Boy Visits His

The Bad Boy Visits His Uncle's Gro
cery-He Soliloquizes on Dying
Lettuce Leaf-They Discuss Navies
and Wars-"If You Want to Rest"
Says the Bad Boy, "Don't Go
Abroad"
Oxford Democrat. [volume] (Paris, Me.) 1833-1933, 1905-11-07
By RENE pEvERAux.

That the queens Of stageland are po'
tent factors in creating and influence
ing the trend of fashion has been forci-
bly, demonstrated within the last few
weeks by the revival and resurrection
of the picturesque ostrich feather boa.
Since the opening night Of Bernard
Shaw's new play, Man and super
man." in which the fascinating Ann
exploits the charm Of this alluring &C.
cessory, every woman in New York, 1t
would seem. has determined that one
of these treasures shall encircle her
throat and ensnare her admirers. AT
any rate, there is now veritable craze
for these neckpieces-so much so, IN
fact. that the shops are well nigh IN
able to supply the demand. And, In
deed, they are bewitching in their va
riety of soft, dainty colors, brought out
in all lengths, from the short ones
which merely tie ut the throat to the
longer ones which hang to the skirt OF
the frOck.
With her famous $1,000 gown, Great.
ing something Of sensation in New
York this season, the popular Lillian
Russell is wearing a light blue feather
boa, exactly matching which Is fetch.
ing little feather muff with blue al
greet directly on top. In theater boxes
and fashionable restaurants feather
boas fall from aristocratic shoulders
or gracefully drape the backs OF
chairs, forcing one to acknowledge
their picturesque charm.
So far every feature Of fashion YET
introduced emphasizes the effeminate
Oxford Democrat. [volume] (Paris, Me.) 1833-1933, 1905-11-07
FRESH AIR is LIFE.
And 1t II just as Necessary at Mig
In the navffmR.

And 1t II just ms Necessary at Night
as In the Daytime.
Air Is a life preserver. 1t is the par
ticular friend of man, and he who bar
ricades the doors and windows against
this life saving friend gives cordial
invitation to disease and death to en-
ter.
Open the doors and windows and let
the sunshine in, and let wind blow
through the rooms every morning. for
they are disinfectants performing labor
of a sanitary nature.
Breathe long and deep. Fill the
lungs to their utmost capacity with
pure air several times each day and
keep the home well ventilated night
and day, and remember that wher
night comes on all the air you have in
or out Of the house till the next morn
ing Is might air." and you cannot bot
tie day air enough within the sleeping
room to last through the night, so by
all means let the air circulate through
the room and thus keep fresh sup
ply of this life giving element con-
stantly with you.
More fresh air is required during
sleep than when awake, for increased
quantities Of poisonous products are
given off from the lungs and skin at
this time, 80 each respiration renders
the air in an unventilated room more
unfit to be breathed again.
Keep the windows sufficiently open
SO the fresh might air" can come In
from one side and the impure air can
60 out through the other.
Oxford Democrat. [volume] (Paris, Me.) 1833-1933, 1905-11-07
THE OXFORD BEARS.
THE DOIN0S OF THE WEEK IN ALL
SECTIONS OF THE COUNTY.
Paris Hill.

First Baptist Church. Rev. E. o. Taylor, pastor
Preaching every Sunday at 10 As A. n. Sunday
School at t2 u. Sabbath Evening Service AZ
I 80 p. n. Y. p. 8. c. e. Tuesday evening.
Prayer Meeting Thursday evening at 80. Cove.
sunday Of the month at Q SO p. y. All not
otherwise connected are cordially invited.
Uniyersalist Church. Sunday School every
Sunday at 045 A.. u.
Mrs Z. Fl. Barton of Cincinnati, o., Is
the guest of her aunt, Mrs. NJ. r. Marble.
Mrs. Clarence Hallett and Miss Clara
Thurston of Boston are visiting Mrs. e.
II. Jackson.
Edward c. Slattery has purchased
from Hannah Kayanaugh the homestead
of the late Alonzo and Margaret Brown
in this village. Mr.. Slattery's youngest
son, Edward, is to occupy it and will
move his family from South Paris this
week.
Albion Andrews has moved into the
south rent at Wallace Fl. Cummings
house.
A golf cape was lost one day last week
from the Paris Hill stage at some point
between South Paris and The Beeches.
The finder will please leave it at the
Paris Hill post office or at the Democrat
office at South Paris.
On Friday afternoon, Nov. 10, at 2:3O
O'Clock, the Ladies' Aid will meet in
Cummings Hall. Supper will be served
at $50 O'clock. This will be "belated
picnic" and all are expected to come and
bring something nice. A good time is
ten cents.
DIR. NJ. NJ. Houghton, who has been in
the Central Maine General Hospital for
treatment of spinal difficulties, returned
last week wearing glass cast. She will
be able to attend to her office practice as
usual.
Mrs. Jennie Tucker is visiting with
Miss DIR. Houghton for an indefinite
time.
Unclaimed letters in Paris post office,
Nov. 1st:
Mrs. Ernest Meggs.
Mr.. Lester Cowan.
Elmer Lane.
J. Irving Penley.
Mr.. Frederick B. Rideout.
CAROLINE P. HARLOW, P. NJ.
The following books in addition to
those previously reported, have been
added to the library:
FICTION.
Aho, Juhani: Squire Hellman.
Auerbach, B.: On the Heights.
Blackmore, r. D.: Alice Lorraine.
Coreli. Marie: Vendetta.
Craddock. e. E.: The Bushwhackers.
Ebers. George: The Bride of the Nile.
| Hawthorne, N. Twiee-Told Tales.
Isham. Frederick The Strollers.
| Iron, Ralph: An African Farm.
Lott, Pierre Ramuntcho.
| PembertOn, NJ. Beatrice of Venice.
sheldon Richard Bruce.
Stone, II. S.: (pub.l Chap-Book.
CHILpREN's BOOKS
Hamlin, NJ. s.: Nan at Camp Chicopee.
Nan In the City.
Mans Chicopee Children.
Catharine's Proxy.
LITERATURE.
CHM, Edwin: [pub. Selections from Ruskin
Sargent, j. o.: tran. The Last knight.
L HISTORY AND TRAVELS.
Barrows, s. j.: Isles and Shrines of Greece.
Bartlett, A. L.: A Golden Way.
King, Moses: Kings Hand book Of Boston.
Leonowens, A. H.: English Governess at
Siamese Court.
Ta,ne, II. A: A Tour Through the Pyrenees.
Taylor, B.: Egypt and Iceland.
/ BIOGRAPHY.
Riis, j. A: Theodore Roosevelt the Citizen.
Cavendish: Whist.
Pole: Whist.
l Hale, 4. E.: How to Do Ii.
| Tyrwhltt: Our Sketching Club.
Oxford Democrat. [volume] (Paris, Me.) 1833-1933, 1905-11-07
Lowell.

Mrs. Mabel E. Andrews, wife of DR.. E.
G. Andrews of North Arson, died at her
home there Oct. 26th, after an illness OF
about five weeks of spinal meningitis.
She leaves a husband and two children.
Both DR.. Andrews and his wife were
natives of this town, she being before
her marriage, Miss Mabel Brown, daugh'
ter of w. o. Brown. Much sympathy is
felt for the relatives in their affliction.
The ladies of the Woman's Library
Club gave complimentary supper Fri.
day evening to their husbands.
A large cow moose is roaming very
unconcernedly about the fields and high.
ways here.
A man from Boston in company with
W. C. Bassett shot a large buck neal
Kezar Pond this week, weighing 28t
pounds. A Canada lynx or wildcat was
very near the deer when it was shot, and
seemed to be about to attack him, but
was not seen after the shooting.
Joseph Patterson and wife of Water
ford are visiting here. he has sold his
horse to B. E. Brown.
Arthur L. Stevens has bought farm
in Naples and moved there with hii
family.
Frank Harmon is at work again in TIT
grain mill.
John B. Kimball I'd and wife have re-
turned from a visit to Boston and
vicinity.
Grin Andrews and wife have returned
to Boston.
Mrs. A. P. Gordon, who underwent {
severe surgical operation last week, |!
improving.
Oxford Democrat. [volume] (Paris, Me.) 1833-1933, 1905-11-07
Thanksgiving.
THE PRESIDENTS PROCLAMATION.


When nearly three centuries ago the first set
tiers came TO the country which has now become
this great republic, they fronted not onIy naru-
ship and privation. but terrible RISK 10 their
lives In those grim years the custom grew OF
setting apart one day In each year for special
service OF Thanksgiving to The Almighty for pre-
serving the people through the CHANGING seasons
The custom has now become national anu allow,
Ell by immemorial usage. We i've IN easier anu
more plentiful times than our forefathers, the
men who with rugged strength faced the rugged
days; and vet the dangers TO natonal fie are
quite as great now as az any previous time IN our
history. IL IL eminently ltting that once a year
our people should set apart day for praise ana
Thanksgiving 20 the Giver OF Good, ana, at the
same time, that they express their tnankiuiness
for the abundant mercies received, should man
fully acknowledge their shortcomings anu pledge
themselves solemnly and in good faith TO strive
10 overcome them. During the past year we
have been blessed with bountiful crops our
business prosperity has been great No other
people has ever stood on as high level or ma
terial well being as ours now stands. We are not
threatened By foes from without The Toes IRON
wnom we should pray to be delivered are our
own passions, appetites and folies; anu against
these there is always need that we should war.
Therefore l now set apart Thursday, the 3Otn
day ofthis November, as day OF thanksgtving Tor
the past and Of prayer for the future and on that
dav i ask that throughout the land the people
gather in their homes and places OF worship,
and In rendering thanks unto the Most High for
the manifold blessings OF the past year, eonse-
crate themselves TO a life of cleanliness, honor
and wisdom, so that this nation may do Its allot.
ted work on the earth In a manner worthy OF
those who founded IL and of those who preserv-
ed 10.
In witness whereof have hereunto set my
hand and caused the seal OF the United states TO
be affixed.
Done AT the city of Washington this second
day of November In the year OF Our Lord, one
thousand nine hundred and five, and OF the In
dependence of the United States the one hundred
and thirtieth.
SEAL. -
BY the President.
ELIHU ROOT,
Secretary Of State.
Oxford Democrat. [volume] (Paris, Me.) 1833-1933, 1905-11-07
Greenwood.

November introduced himself with a
moderate. lowery day, but followed the
next morning by cold high wind and a
No. first-claSs snowsquall. All of
which is well calculated to remind us of
what is coming little later on.
But the weather in Minnesota during
October excelled what we had here by
several degrees. A letter from Mr..
Davis of Osakis, last week informs us
that they had no frost there until the
9th, and hardly any since, so that his
stock were still getting their living in the
pasture, which was still fresh and green.
Edgar Morgan and wife report their
recent visit TO Kennebunk and Sanford
as grand success, finding kind friends
and a warm welcome everywhere they
visited or made calls. Their oldest son,
Floyd Morgan, has developed into quite
a carpenter, and is now building on the
homestead carriage house, woodhouse
and granary all in one, the whole to be
10 30 feet and 10 foot post. The
Hendricks brothers came down last
week and are now visiting there. They
have abandoned the idea of building a
summer cottage on the Patch place, and
have sold the land to Oscar Peabody, the
former owner.
Erastus Bryant is now well along in
his Slst year, and is remarkably athletic
and active for man of that age. A few
days ago he came here after some young
cattle we were pasturing, and brought
along two of his little grandchildren and
also two others belonging here from
school. On arriving here he wanted to
know if we didn't think he had nice
family of children growing up.
Harry Cole left his farm recently and
moved to Bryant's Pond, and now it is
reported that Capt. Berryment of Howe
Hill is soon to occupy the place. Should
that prove correct it will add four schol-
ars more to our school, since they have
that number of children who will prob
ably attend.
And now we have all hands had an in
vitation to Mr.. and Mrs. Amos Barnett's
reception Saturday evening, from which
it is natural to infer that another knot
has been recently tied, and that these
young people are therefore mo more
twain but one flesh" And may they
ever so remain until severed by death.