New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1905-12-01
~ AuTHoR,s WOES.

II hand and wrote thrilling story
OF gentle maids and gentlemen.
To which I looked for gain and glory.
The publishers expressed their woe
And said with It they'd take no ehances'
The markets dull on pure romances
leaped in the historic field;
+ JTuon each page the trumpets Pealed
And Iances clashed, and other Things
Was plunged into a.. ga5 q yfbevl buy
s4 No tale that has realism. ..*E
wrote realistic tale
wherein I called spade spade
Vs. w ts 1 the hP sPf thai a. heg ada
Wh5sh KEPT sa 6eas NoW q we've got
To strike the David HaruEn notion.
NV next was David Harumish .
At any book containing "ain't .~.
T F553 ho conntTifed. be strong and noble:
This word came from the publishers:
THE fad is for the automoble.
An automobile story next
Too late-and then was perplexed
g.. Until I got this gentle hint:
'sfhe auto tale has run its course
Is hal which breathes Of life and force
And which for hero has cowboy. ~
NV cowboy novel is begun -~.
~= And still ] sit and fume and fret 4-
My hopeful plans will pc upset, l.. ..
.f@- 1t fairly drives me to a passion
When / look at my work anu L sab,o
How quickly things go out or IasH 41}t
yo,,ne, America ACQUIRES the telephone habit
early 1.-THE Portland Oregonian" relates this IN
stance: 1t was Seattle child, not yet three years
DID, who. having been punished by her mother
called up her father on the telephone Tor SYM
pathy Papa" was the call that his stenographer
heard on answering the ring. Why it's the baby,
she said to her employer. The startled man, with
visions of disaster in his mind caught the receiver
and said: What is it, baby?" Mama 3PanKed
me- came the reply. What do you want me 10
do about it? asked the relieved and amused parent
Tome wight home and bling me a pound OF
tandy," said the child. e.. +.~z-..
POPULAR CITIZEN.
F.. We celebrate the soldier boys @..-
But when Thanksgiving season comes
We hail the Inner Man.
patriotic chap is he
In proper colors dressed
Cranberry sauce his red provides
And white the gobblers breast.
Plum pudding gives flame of blue
And drumsticks always at the feast
Salute the colors gay.
f. He comes of Puritanic stock
Whose influence still tells.
FI within dbMay the MT pe s.i5eif dWe1s
PUCK.
A country lad arrived in London as an assistant
IN the shop of a corn dealer. He had been warned
that the city customers would make game of him
and was on his guard A person entered the shop
one morning and said: II want sixpennyworth of
bird seed please'' The assistant only smiled The
customer repeated his request, but the assistant
RESPONDED with only broad grin his face.
Finally. the customer losing patience asked him in
forcibIe language why he did not serve him with
+he bird seed Its no manner of use your trying
10 take me IN" said the assistant "Tha knows
tba cannot catch me-" What on earth. do you
mean 7.' said the angry customer. "Why, 1 know
that birds grow from eggs. not from seed!'
Another MISUNDERSTANDING you are really
going to marry old Millyuns. I had no idea you
WI" MaudsLTm not am going to marry him to re-
lo s 5t himl didn't know he had any
O' MaudeIYes he has one. His friends he is
News @-z#
The German Tines has a column OF English
nersonaI notes for visitors TO Berlin Not long ago
s. pravely announced that the Bishop of Rochester
had left England for the Continent, pursued by
Mrs TaIbot' Pursued was the best equivalent
the German scribe could dig out OF his dictionary
for "begleitet' (accompanied).
A story comes from Milton, N H. Of an old
clergyman named Goodwin. He was tall, broad
shoIiCered man, and said to have the largest
Young man named Allen was taking dinner at the
sIderSs home ii was the elders custom to ask
Messing al the table, and Allen had evidently not
been used this sort OF thing Tor instead or wait
Win a restraining gesture and said:
.Pauset young man..
spaR-sEt was the reply. Il snould think 10 the
7 50 .they was wsl'-( boston Herald.
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