Manchester Democrat. [volume] (Manchester, Iowa) 1875-1930, 1905-05-17
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PRISE, WASH ltE 4eS-tO him.
Town Topics.
"And how is Jack looking sine. he
married for love?" "a good deal like
cat that is owned by q vegetarian
Judge.
II notice you never wear watch
with your evening clothes" mo; l
never have both out at the Same
time."-Cornell Widow.
Johnny's Friend-I hear Johnny Is
learning to play the French horn.
Johnny's Roommate-Yes, I've had
wind of it.-Harvard Lampoon.
You haven't much of a head" sail
the needle to the pin. NO" replied
the latter, but at the same time we
pins have our fine points," cleveland
Plain Dealer.
Nell-Of course she's not pretty, but
it's remarkable how her face lights up
when she talks. Belle-Oh. that's not
so remarkable. She's got lantern
jaw.-Philadelphia Ledger.
First Society Woman-That's my
baby that we just passed. Second So
ciety Woman-How could you tell?
First Society Woman-I recognized
the nurse.-Brooklyn Eagle.
Teacher-How many command
ments are there Tommy-Not any.
Teacher-Why. Tommy! There are
ten. Tommy-Aw, dem was all broke
long ago-Cleveland Leader.
"Smoothleigh is certainly the polit-
est man know. What makes you SO
positive?" Hes pretending he's cured
OF his dyspepsia Sc rs not to hurt his
doctors feelings. Topics.
well, Doctors Brown and Smith are
going to operate upon old Gotrox." 'Is
the operation necessary" "Why, yes;
Brown has n note coming due, and
Smith wants an automobile"
"Harold!" began his wife in n furi-
GUS temper, my mind is made up"
Mercy" interrupted her husband; "is
that so? had hoped that your mind,
at least, was your own!'-Detroit Free
Press.
Friend-You must enjoy your new
position. So much honor, dignity and
prestige! University President-Yes;
but won't get so much money as the
head coach of the football team
Somerville Journal.
Can you support my daughter in
the style to which she has been accus-
tomed?" Perhaps not. But can
support her in the style to which her
mother was accustomed during her
early married life."-Life.
Jaspar-I think have reason to
believe that last poem OF mine is
classic. Jumpuppe-Why SO? Jasper
II find that all my friends have either
seen 1t or heard Of it, but none of
them has read it.-Exchange.
The Preacher-l was surprised tc
see your husband get up and walk out
OF church while was preaching The
Wife-Oh, don't think anything Of
that! You know he's troubled with
ambulism!-Yonkers Statesman.
II see. Josiah, that somebody has
found out that college life decreases
the desire of girls to marry" I'LL bet
the trouble is, Nancy. that 1t decreases
the desire of the young fellows to
marry 'em."-Cleveland Plain Dealer.
Are you going to entertain this
winter?" WELL" answered Mr.. Cum
rox, mother and the girls will have q
lot of people at the house, as usual.
But never can tell whether they are
being entertained or bored."-Ex.
change.
Modern Mother-Why, child alive,
what are you taking off that dolly's
clothes for? Modern Child-I'm going
to famine her to see If she's been
vaccinated. l can't have 'er spreadin'
'taglon among my other dollies.-Bal.
timore American.
Judge-You are charged with beat
Ing your wife every morning before
breakfast. What have you to say for
yourself? Prisouer-Well, you sec.
Judge. that's my best time. as l have
to run for n car as soon as breakfast
Is r."-Exchange.
81 half believe that there's skele-
ton in the Kissmore's closet" II
shouldn't wonder. One day when
Kissmore took me home with him I'M
expectedly to dinner, thought heard
it throwing things at him out in the
kitchen. "-Exchange.
Squirrels Daughter Ito gardeners
wife, who suffers from chronic rheu-
matism)-Have you ever tried Swed-
lsh massage, Mrs. Brown? Mrs. Brown
Il have heard say 1t be very good
for the rheumatics, miss; but we don't
grow it in these parts.-Punch.
Customer-How is 1t that the price
Of a peck of potatoes remains twenty
cents so far in the season? I'd think
the price would become larger as the
season advanced. Grocer-It would,
madam, only it's so much easier to
change the size of the pecks.-Balti-
more American.
Examining Physician Nor insurance
company)-Im afraid we can't take
you, sir. You are too great a risk.
Applicant Tesiguedly)-Well, perhaps
l am The fact is, that when get
sick never send for doctor. 1 just
lay around until get well. Examin-
ing Physiclan-Eh? Um-we'll tako
you.-New York Weekly.
Mrs. Hawkins-And ave you made
all the arrangements for your mar
: riage, my dear? Mrs. Jorkins-Wcll,
not quite all. I've got to buy me
trooso, and take 'ouse, and get me
'usband job, and buy i'm good
suit O. clothes, and get some reglar
washin' work to do. An then I'm to
name the haDny day-Pick.Ne-IIn