The San Francisco call., 1905-05-21


this The subject was tabooed. and so far
as my interest in it goes 1 was satisfied.
There's the process of law to draw that
out N its own good time.
But of the struggle that went on in his
mind-the warfare between the good and
the evil in the mamie was willing to
speak. jerkily, spasmodically, in invol-
untary phrases like the CALCULATIONS of
pain.
Il didn't make up my mind to leave
here" he told me, until noon of the day
on which 1 went away Until that time
l still had hopes of making good. but at
last l saw that I couIdn't-that 1 had to
get out. 1t was in a way a relief TO get
away then, for no one can know what
suffered going around shaking hands with
people who believed l was-what 1 was
net. That thing hurt me-the knowledge
of what I'd done. 1 was glad to set away
from it. among strangers. 1t was a ter
rible strain.'
But, asked him, why did you buy
that ticket to return to California after
you had gone away?''
''Why?" lie looked at me with that
poignant pain in his eyes that had moth
only with his own corroding thoughts.
L was homesick. wanted to come back
Oh, knew very well what would happen
when l got back: but 1 was homesick
You see, I'd always been home to dinner
and to lunch-I was used to going home
l missed my friends and the people
knew-the whole thing. You know how
felt. don't you? You've been homesick,
haven't you? 1 wanted TO come home
1t is very hard to understand men, to
unravel their motives. / wouldn't venture
an opinion on whether he was talking to
me for effect or merely talking to him
self. Smith, it seems to me, is a weak,
vain, fieshly man, willful without being
will strong, to be easily beguiled by flat
terry, to be lightly swerved by the desire
or impulse of the moment
Perhaps, in the desolation of his fight,
in the hapnting fear of that tapping fin
ger on his shoulder and of the words in
his ear, Smith, 1 want you''-perhaps in
the futility of flying from his own con-
science he did yearn for home. he did
have some wild, half-formed desire to
hurry back and lay his head in his
wronged wife's lap and implore forgive
ness and comfort.
Who can tell?
In such wayward natures as his there
is always the dramatic instinct
Did you know that your wife was
sick?''
Yes; I'd read it in the morning paper
but l had made up my mind to come
back before L knew that. l thought 1
might as well come back and pay the
penalty-and have it done with
Because you couldn't get away?"
''Oh, could have got away. 1 have no
doubt about that. But there was no
use
1T seems hardly possible to me; you're
not an inconspicuous man, nor one likely
TO be overlooked
There was quick flash of the eyes,
a quick, pleased, gratified flash. The OLD
Smith of the gay days, the f1attered vain,
debonair Smith, lived again for brieI
moment-the frivolous susceptible Smith
who spent his money with both hands for
the sake of adulation, for the sake of be-
ing called good fellow
l had not meant it that way at all,
not-heaven forefend-in fiattery. 1 had
only meant he seemed a man easily
marked, not easily forgotten, and So like
ly to be traced to the uttermost ends of
the earth.
The flash of folly died out and he sank
again into the apathy of his graver self.
And what" went on, '' would you
have done If you had not been caught
in ST. Louis?'
II would have come back here"
And"
81 would have gone home-first of ALL"
"To your wife?'
''Yes. to my wife,
do you think you would have been
received with kindness?"
Yes" and he turned his big eyes on
me, red-lidded, unseeing. dimmed with
tears, "Yes-I think-I would"
And now that you have come back"
81 can't tell you what 1t has meant
to me-what / have gone through--to
come back like this-to have my friends
Q'm surprised that there have been sc
many of them) come to me and shake
hands and say How dye do. Ed?' and
try to act as IL there was nothing the
matter, to treat me the same as-Oh, 1
don't want to talk about that"
He flung out an impatient hand.
"But-your wife?"
"Yes?"
You will see her soonT
"Yes-I will
will she come here tomorrow! 1
see the afternoon papers say"
Come HERE?"
Something OF the violence of his
undisciplined nature broke loose.
Come here, No-not IL I never sec
her. Do you think I would let her see
me here-like this-in prison?"
"But-how else"
Il haven't committed murder, have
1? 1 have the right to-"
why. yes-to bail. OF course.
hadn't thought of that" Nor indeed
had L
Welt" he asked, with a heavy sigh
OF reaction. do you think I'd let her
come HERE to see me-then?"
And you Will go home to herr"
"Of course"
What do you desire most of all
what do you wish for?" I put the
question with my own thoughts on a