Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1905-05-13
GUESSED THEM WRONG
Hotel Waiter Made Three
Misses in a Row
IN THE WAY OF TIPS
COULDN'T TELL THE GOOD ONES
FROM THE BAD.
Diners Who Did Not Cough Up in Pro-
portion to Their Clothes
and Jewels.
IN THE WAY OF TIPS

| The dead-game waiter twiddled his
bamboo stick airily and bestowed down
wardy oblique glances upon the car
nation in the buttonhole of his new spring
| suit. 1t was his afternoon off. Consequent
ly he was, as he expressed It, stalking the
dolls to a treat and looking EN- over as
| he leaned reposefully against the awning
stanchion. In spite of his jauntiness, how
| ever, there was certain expression Of
| dissatisfaction upon his shaved-two-days-
, underline hide face. Pressed for the reason
| therefor, he gave 1t. 1t should be explained
| that he Is waiter in the la carte dining
| room Of one of the fine downtown cara
| vansaries.
Look like I'm hiding away a crouch,
| hey?" he replied in answer to the prod as
| to the whyfore Of his disconnected look.
We'll, that's the answer, DO, and If you can
| pick EN- like that you ought to play EN-
across the board, all three ways. They're
| rot running to the dope for me any more
l mean the lobs / wait on-and I've made
| myself feel like leftover pork chop quite
| some Iewmerous times lately over the way
my handicaps have shown up at the wire.
Pal, used to be able to pipe the pro-
| Queer and the piker through half-closed
| lids out of the starboard corner of my off
| lamp in a raging fog. but now it's getting
| so that have to duck behind screen and
| give EN- the long gaza -EGSough a ten-horse-
power binocuiar before L feel bunch
| whether they're right or not, and even at
| that I'm getting the colors mixed and going
| in wrong as often as twice out of five.
II riffied the charts wrong two times In
a row one night when the ponies were
shredding the splay-foots at Benning, and,
say, it makes me dizzy yet to think Of that
evening.
"A Handicapped thinker with cottony eye
brows and $3.50 suit of take en- aways
smoked in that evening with a couple Of
girls, lockers, who appeared to be nursing
the sneaky fear that it was going to be the
ham sandwich and the malt for theirs. The
dub made a nor or'-east nudge toward
one of my tables with the two girls, and I
breathed real hard.
Sized Him Up.
"In the linen and sundries department.
! somewheres, says l to myself, with two
eighty in his watch pocket that he's going
to spread out over one fierce night if he
never has another one, and even If he has
to smoke corn-shucks in stone pipe for
three months to get hunk for this reckless
ness
THE more 1 looked him over before edg-
ing up to the table. the more he looked
like a CLEAN to me-lightning bug in well.
While the girls peeked through the menus
he was giving the gappy glance around, and
every time he took a peek at the two girls
he had with him-they were swell spring
patterns sure enough--his chest sort o ex-
panded and he looked like he was saying
to himself, Just look at this pair o dolls
I've trapped-I guess they're bad!
Now, L WONDER, says L 10 lDySeil, WuiS
the pin-h headed drum major doing head
waiter work here is getting into that habit
of passing these quick-lunchers along to
me? Wonder what I've been doing that ne
shoves on to me these Algies that save up
two million cigarette coupons to cop out a
nail file or picture frame?'
Il put on that hurt, busy look as crawl
ed over to the table.
"'Order, please says 1, and 1 said it like
a salesgirl behind the soap counter of a
department store just at the minute when
she's due to hike for the lunch room.
We'll, the rebate that that ordinary
looking one handed me made me feel as II
somebody was trying to put ring through
my nose. , 80
much, Alcwyn,' was the thing he sung at
me while 1 stood there feeling like a dip
that's pinched a woman's wrist-bag with
nothing in 1t but two cents, latch key and
car ticket You want to wait till
you get stung pal, before you try to beat
1t out to Camp Crouch. Dye think you'd
like to sell me little food and drink In this
booth. or are you real mad at the way l
look?
Il knew then, OF course, that I had got
away from the post the wrong foot.
" hen he unwound that piece of tape, wise
left-handed sheet writer on the dead
line, / proceeded to get real busy to square
myself. 1 watched for the fash of the
bunting Ike the boy on the favorite in
maiden Jockey race, and l guess l didn't
get close TO the ground with my heel-and-
toe work.
Knew How to Order.
That chap knew enough about ordering
a dinner to write book about 1t. The key
stone of the feed was steak a la Borde-
laise the size of a steamer trunk, with