Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1905-03-03
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all the details.-Life.
Husband-You are always looking
for bargains. Was there. ever time
when you wasn't a bargain hunted?
Wife-Yes, dear; when 1 married you.
Scissors.
Mrs. Chatterson-It was such a
relief to have my husband fail. Mrs.
Chipway-How SO? "Oh, Il was SO
afraid we would have to pay all those
bills.'-Life.
Cyril-You may spurn me, cruel one,
but remember, 1 shall not always be a
clerk at SO week. Marie--That's just
the trouble. You may lose your job at
any time.-Chicago News.
Parent (angrily)-Those school
shoes" 1 bought here fot my boy did
not last two weeks. Dealer with sur
prise)-He must have been wearing
them out of school.-Washingt Life.
Teacher Gn spelling class)-Johnny,
spell ''fail." JOHNNY can't. Teach
er-You can't spell that simple word?
Why not? Johnny-'Cause you told
me there was no such word as fall
New Yorker.
Pansy (who enjoys having her moth
er read to her)-Wead some more,
mamma. Mammal cannot, dear; my
eyes are too tired. Pansy with fine
scorn)-But wead wiv 90 mouf, ma
New York Times.
"Is your husband up yet?" inquired
the early morning caller. Il guess he
isl replied the stern-looking woman.
I'D like to say few words to him."
$50 would L, He hasn't come home
yet."-Catholic Standard.
Ernestine-I don't see why your
chaperon should have been offended
because Jack played the piano. 1t was
certainly better than lovemaking.
Moyrtilla-Yes, but he insisted upon
playing always in the Way."-Chi-
cago News.
Toni don't see you automobiling
with Miss Giddyun any more. Jack
No; weighed her in the balance and
found her wanting. Tom-Wanting
what? Jack-Well, wanting to face
the parson with me, for one thing
Chicago News.
Little Johnnie-When Miss Nextdoor
got married, her mother threw an old
slipper after her. What was that for ?
Little Ethel-Oh, they always do that.
That means that her mamma isn't
never going to spank her any more
Smiths Weekly.
This servant-girl problem will make
me old before my timer "Bothers you
too, does it?'' Indeed it does. II
I have an ugly maid my husband is
away all the time, and if l have a
pretty one he is at home all the time
and daren't go away; SO there it is. "
Houston Post.
Mrs. Woodby-You don't mean to
say you paid my milliner's bill to-day
Mr.. Woodby-Of course. The bill
reached me yesterday, and l thought
the milliRer might need the money
So Mrs. Woodby-Simpleton! How
do you expect us to be considered rea
swell if we pay our bills promptly P
Philadelphia Ledger.
Maude-Did you read that magazine
article in which physician advocates
yawning as a means of stopping the
disagreeable buZzing in ones ears
Clara-Yes; and he is right, too.
tried it on young Borum the othel
evening after he had talked continu
ously for an hour or more, and ht
took the hint and left.-Chicago Daily
News.
The following n,tice was recently
found tackled on the door of i church
'"There will be preaching in this house
week from next Wednesday, Provi
dence permittin', and there will b.
preaching whether or no on Monda.
following upon the subject, He tina
. believeth and is baptized shall b,
saved land he that believeth not shal
be damned at $50 in the afternoon
Clinton (Mo) Herald.
A travelling man who drove acros
the country to a little town in western
9 9 hauling a wagon-load of water
8 'sWhere do you get water?' he asked
= ''Up the road about seven miles," tn
: farmer replied. "And you haul waite
:. seven miles for your family an,
s stock?" >"Yep." "Why in the nam
!. of sense don't you dig well?" aske,
q the traveller. Because it is just a
e far one way as the other, stranger.
= Denver Republican.
Mrs. Potts was filled with nervou
'' alarms whenever she Travelled, and MI
Potts always had his hands full i
trying to quiet and reassure her. GA
gernon,' said Mrs. Potts, wakenin
> her husband from sound sleep in
southern railway car. "Algernon!
want YOU to find out why we are goin
at this fearful speed. The car is bump
ing and swaying till 1 can scarcel
see out of my eyes," Mr.. Potts sat u
and looked out of the window at th
moonlit landscape. "See that bridg
ahead on the curve?" he asked, sleeJ
ily. "Well, we have to go over that i
minute, and probably it isn't yer