The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1905-01-16
|When Simpson Took Water
ut WAS away back in the eighties
when they were SIN working

ttlT WAS away back in the eighties
when they were stfn working
placer dirt on Tiger crick an
weighin' out gold dust for plug ter
packer in Grosenbeck's store that 1 saw
Plnk-Eye Simpson take water" said
me on proSpector- He wasn't addict
ca to them rotations an don't know
mat ahyD3dy ever give him a subse-
quent invite to the same without quail
Iylh fer the central fgger in q cor
oner's inquest Still Pink-Eye took
water oncet.
A Teller blew in with a sloppy Chi
nook along one Decera her The hovs
%us censregated. in Grosenbeck sin
the front part He KEEP his bar in front
an MS store in the rear. SOS ter ketch
EN- goin an comia'. When the teller
Iust come i'm we all took him fer a kid
he was all bundled up in a little buffa-
10 coat an mad fur cap pulled down
over his ears. 1 don't reckon he was
much more'n four foot high an when
ne got that coat shucked an his cap
pulled off there wasn't a great deal left
OF hln- But he wus a mana mighty
weakened, sour-faced, red-nosed, red
eyed hump backed runt, but he had
got his growth. He looked around him
as nerce as an enra ged chipmunk an
then walked up to the bar an called
fer a drink
"Grosenbeck grinned as he set the
bottle out 1 reckon we ali smiled
some, he looked so soTter redickerlous.
w mats aInusin you? squeaks the lit
Tie man. Maybe you find my pers'nai
appearance subject o. mirth?'
L was smilin' because l wus hap
py, says Grosenbeck, quite meek.
" You've prob'bly skinned somebody
good an plenty. then, says the little
man, pourin' out a bath an Iowerin' il
scientific That's the rotteneSt fr11ita-
ton o Ticker ever [ run acrost Any
BODY fnpffn ~ ealigr,f al ~ II
would be a liar Don't look croSs-eyed
at me, you fat-faced hippopotamns.
Charge that to Mr.. Wallis. That's my
name, an I'm goin' ter take up my
residence in this yer camp Now
Grosenbeck wasn't no SLOUGH when il
come ter resentin' an insult an he gin
orally took a prefim nary request fer
credit as an insuJt-for bar goods. I've
seen him make a mighty rapid showing
with a gun an conduc' himself cred
itably in a free-fer-all rough-an' -tum-
Die. But he didn't make no hostile
plays that time, whatsoever He Jest
looked at the little sawed-off wisp fer
a moment an then he says; Your
credits good, Mr.. Wallis Glad ter be
favored with your custom. Have an
other with me-,
III wait till I'm better acquainted
with you afore drink with you says
Mr.. Wallis.
He went out. We watched him lead
his mule back along the hill to Billy
Thorsen's cabin, which Billy wus off
on a prOspectin' trip in the Crazy Loon
range. Derned if he didn't kick in the
door an carry in his plumber.
''Grosenbeck had been swallerin'
hard, which was his way when ager-
tated- What is a man goin' ter do
with VenermOuS peanUt-built rack o.
skin an bones like that2' he says. 1
could squeeze the breath O life out of
him with my finger an thumb
Like hittin' a 6-months-Old kid a
belt fer bawlin',' says he a few min
utes later, gnawin' the ends of hrs
naustaSh.
Next day Mr.. Wallis jumped Danny
Cassidy'S claim and began development
work. Danny went up with d Winchep-
ter to run him off an comes back
thankful that Mr. Wallis had let him
keep the gun. Then he diverted the
water the thaw had started from Gill;
cuddy's fumes. The time he made
Pink-Eye Simpson take water wus
when Pink Eye started on his spring
saturation. Mr.. Wallis wus in at Gro
senbeck's seIectin his weekly grub
account of him bein' hid behind a
length o stovepipe, called everybody
to the bar. Any son-of-a-gun who
hangs back II be made too leaky to
hold licker,' he yells-
Mr.. Wallis heard him an emerged
from behind the stovepipe an strutted
up ter Pink-Eye. Do l understand that
this invite is compulsory he asks.
Have 1 got ter drink because a hu-
man hyena with a skinfuI of alcohol
swin an a cryin' need of a hair cut
makes bluff at hOmicidal mania?'
- Not if you'd prefer not to, says
Pink-Eye. I'd esteem it an honor, but
don't insist on it. NV remarks were
in a sperrit O iocularity'
You've poor sense Of hUmOT.' says
Mr.. Wallis. You're enough of a Joke
yourself without spOilin' it by talkin'!
A man who'd drink with you would git
down into a trough an eat with hogs
That's what he said TO Pink-Eyed
SImpson-an' lived An he .Cted IN
that Outragis way fer nigh on ter three
months.
1T went on until finally Grosenbeck,
who'd been picked on mOre'n usual one
evenin', said he'd be everlastingiy horn
swOggled if he'd stand it any longer.
See here, Mr.. Wallis he says. I'm
through with you. / make no unkind
erlusions ter your MISFORTUNE cOntoor
and proportions, were they otherwise
you wouldn't have lasted five minutes
after you struck this camp. I'm not
goin' ter jump on you an grind yer in
ter the floor, an I'm not a-goin' ter
break yer in two. me bein' a fuil-size
man. but I'm goin' ter take you acroet
my knee an spank you. like a mean
young one. In this L have the full ap-
prevail of the camp
with that he reached for MI Wallis.
But Mr.. Wallis wasn't there. He was
eXtractin' a pick handle from a 1DarreI
an the next mint that pick handle
come inter cOntac with Grosenb4ck's
Uranium an laid him out You all an
prove, do your yells air Wallis, an
here he comes at as with the pick han
die. He got four of US. The rest of US
left abrupt. We come 10, our senses in
about five minutes-aH but GTOsen-
beck-and with the reeTlization that the
pore remnant of humanity wus able ter
take his own part in a game O physical
Whence we made a rush fer Billy Thor
sens cabin ter git him. He wusn't in
When Tom Gillicuddy went ter feed his
horse next mOTnin'-the only good
horse i'm camp-the horse wusn't in
either. That wus the last we ever saw
o MIR. Wallis
Pointed Paragraphs