Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1905-12-03
Foot Rail- pramatist on Foot Ball.

Foot Ball Dramatist on Foot Ball.
In view of the present agitation over foot
ball President Roosevelts interest In the
game and Columbia's abolition of 1t, the
opinion of George AIDE, whose play, The
College Widow" has established him as
something of an authority on this subject,
comes at an opportune time Mr.. AIDE
says:
..When L wrote The College Widow !
thought that l had disarmed the fault-find-
err. In the first place, the piece is not taken
from an old German farce. 1t sfdesteps the
sex problem and is quite devoid of VII
lainy.
This is something that mother and the
girls can go 20 see, thought l. Great for
the family trade!
I'm my more enthusiastic moments even
dared to hope that the work was original.
This, in spite of the old rule that every sue
cessful play is supposed to have been taken
from book up in some big library. So far
as I could learn there never has been pro-
duced comedy dealing with American
college life, and having foot ball game as
the backbone of the structure. Within
month after the first performance OF Tine
College Widow there bobbed up at least
dozen authors, each of whom had written
a foot ball drama and had been getting
ready to flash 1t on the public when we
crowded in and stole his thunder. Some OF
these authors seemed to believe that we
had attained their ideas by telepathy or
burglary or some other unusual method.
"Those indirect accusations rather hurt
my feelings, and yet they treasured me That
The play was a go. l find that any IaiiuTe
produced in the last ten years was strictly
original in conception and treatment, While
all the successes came out in borrowed
plumage If you write play and some
one discovers that 1t resembles some other
play. even though the other play has never
been produced, that is the time to feel en-
couTaged.
Therefore bore up, even under the Gus
tomary suspicion that 1 was plagiarlst
Just when l seemed to be out of the woods,
so far as adverse criticism is concerned,
along came several nice people. who took
me to task for writing play in glorihca-
ton of the brutal game of foot ball. They
said that foot ball excitement disorganized
our colleges, encouraged gambling and
drinking put a premium on beef and crowd
ed brains into corner, and that In writing
about the game 1 should have held it up to
scorn, thereby pointing a moral lesson.
"These criticisms have touched me to the
ouick Come to think of 1t, foot ball Is
rough and unfriendly game, but that is not
nv fault Instead of condemning the
dramatist, who pictures conditions as he
finds them, the thing for all friends of hui
mainly to do is to join hands and reform
the game 1t can be done. Eliminate all
physical violence, debrutaliZe the contest,
sweeten it with brotherly forbearance, and
the game will at once be as harmless as
jack-straws or charades. The principal OBJ
lection to the game as it is now played is
that strength and.ferocity put at q pre-
mium while scholarship cuts no figure
whatever.
Under the revised rules, which I am now
submitting, the test of players ability
will be his class standing. 1t Is hoped
that these rules will be approved by that
vast army of editorial writer's whose knowl-
edge of the game has been obtained by
reading the headlines. Walter Camp may
object to some of the provisions, but what
care We? The following are the rules /
suggest:
Selection of Players.-The eleven players
constituting the team shall be selected by
the faculty. and the student who has re-
ceived the highest grade in Greek anthology
shall be captain of the team. No student
shall be eligible for the team unless he is
up In his class work and has an established
reputation for piety.
weather Conditions. - In case of rain,
snow, high wind, extreme heat or extreme
cold, a contest may be indefinitely post
poned or transferred to class room.
Observation-Disclosures a team appears on
a field for a contest it shall greet opposing
team with the Chautauuua salute which
this a few friendly chats concerning books
and writer's may precede the opening of the
game.
Substitute for the Toss = Instead of
tossing coin to determine which side gets
the ball, the two captains shall be called
upon to extract a cube root of given num-
Der provided by the professor of mathe
matics The captain who is first to hand in
the correct solution gets the ball
Advancing the Ball. - The ball having
been placed in the center of the field, the
umpire, who must be professor OF geol-
ogy, exhibits to the team having possession
of the ball a fossil. All members of the
team who think they can name the geologi-
cal period to which the fossil belongs hold
up their right hands The umpire selects
player to name the period. If he answers
correctly, he advances the ball two yards
If in addition, he gives the scientific name
yards. If no member of the team can an
swer the questions propounded by the UNI
pire, tfse opposing team shall be given a
trial. If successful, 1t is given the ball
Rotation of Umpires-After each touch
down there shall be a change of umpires
so that the questions asked of team may,
during the progress of a long and exciting
game, cover the classwork in zoology, ape
piled metaphysics, veterinary science, San
skirt and other useful studies.
'Offslde Plays.-Any player who makes a
grammatical error, mispronounces a word
or seeks assistance from fellow student,
shall be deemed guilty of an offSide play
and his side shall be penalized at least five
yards.
Substitute for Kicking Goal - After a
touchdown has been made the team making
1t shall be credited with five points and the
captain of the team shall translate 500
words of Caesars Commentaries If he
does so without an error his team is given
an additional point, the same as IL a goal
were kicked If he fails the ball goes to
the opposing team on the twenty fve-y yard
line.
'Resuming Play.-On resuming play after
a touchdown, one of the players, to be
known as it, is blindfolded and the other
players join hands and circle around him.
singing:
London bridge Is falling down,
Failing down, falling down.
London bridge Is falling down,
So farewell, my ladlesi''
while the players are crcling about. the
player known as 1T touches one of the
nthers in a gcntIemanlY manner and AXIS