The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-10-28
BROTHER GARDNER
The Philosopher Of the Ldmeliln Club
On Various Matters.

''Do0rin' de last few days I hez often
been axed 70 'splaIn what de balance
OF trade was remarked Brother
Gardner. as the notes Of the triangle
died away. -.Accordin 70 WaydoWn
Bebee II means de cash dis kenrTy
takes in fur de mules II ships abroad
Acccrdin' 70 de Hon Pope Harrison,
Il means de board bills left behind in
Washington By members Of congress
when dat body a-Jurns. Boar OF desc
exdnguished gem-len am barkin' up
de wrong tree
de balance of trade. my frens. hez
muffin TO do Vzid buyin Goldfish at
cents a pound. or stove blackiu. at %
Wid de WarermelEn Sez1n nor de per
simon crop II sell Judge C0ker-
nut Jackson more 'taters dan he sells
me-, den de balance Of trade am IN
my favor-purvidin ever git NY
pay. No member OF dis club hez any
cali 10 git excited ober De balance Of
trade queshun- It won't keep Us IN
meat an tzters- an It won't pay de
preacher Our bizness an 70 keep
gEFine right ahead wld de puFfeshun
OF y5Etitewzshius an stasuIE mp stoves
an de more we tend 70 cur work de
less danger we run OF g1Er1n dizzy
headed cbeE de queshuns Whleh moor
de s7uarEest white u1en straight from
de shoulder
I has been axed my opinion Of or
ganiziu' 4 gymnasium II c1s hall 1ur
de benefit Of mem bsFs OF dis club. I
don't favor de 5deah- Ze got muscle
nun to frow a tramp aber two fences
an 3 row Of 7tater hiA3ss an got Il ali
at de wood pile Right n dis room
are ober fifteen ueEn gsTs who sm
ober SO vars ole an IN de best OF
health we haven't lost but one
member by death in ODER Two y'arss
an green apples was de cause OF dat
We d0ans want any better health an
We doan' want any mo muscle II We
do. we kin secure II a de wood pil, II
de garden or By handl4n de brush
DE man Who keeps h4sset1 clean
eroes To bad airlv has solid food and
lets whisky alone. villa I've Jest as long
as de Lzwd intended be should, an
darts long FnuE fur anybody II Brud-
der CouEreeve wants mo muscle I kin
GIT him z Job of uulOadIu z sau1scoW.
II Brudder Jones am slgn1n to be de
strongest man IN America let him md
a Job OF cultin' cord wood If Pickles
Smith wants sunthin 70 strengthen
de muscles Of his back he cant do
better dan 70 hire OUT % farmer 70
dig taters-
ssTze lately been hsarfn' dat a comet
am comm dis way an dat we'd ali
+ better git ready 10 dodge What am
de cOmex7 Who is shez@ ~ ieh IS Il 2
What am he Heah luE How many o.
70 KIN answer desc aIes1UEs AE
frens. de study Of astronomy am fuH
Of interest an pleasure But 1ur astrou-
omy. how would we hey known dat de
moon am peopled by q race OF one-eyed
giants an DAT de distance to de Sun
am 50 great dat il we vas % sot cut an
i trabble On q hoss-ky-ar i would take
Is 70 weeks 10 git dar2
Astronomy teaches Us dat de atmos-
phere IN de planet Jupiter an SO cl'aE
an transparent dat you kin see a boss
+ dy six miles away n &c planet Mars
de air Is 50 cooI dat a dead dog kin Be
EsIt IN front Of nIsl-esaSs nQtet Euf
nine weeks IN De planet Venus il an
E allus good weather fur gofn a-fshin
an de air am 50 bracln dat de women
alIug split DER Own wood De plznel
Saturn furnishes its Inhabitants straw