davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-12-20
QUAKER REFLECTIONS.

TFrom the Philadelphia Recurd-I
Putting UP a sign Post no bills" won't
keep them from coming through the
mails.
Some men are born great. some shrink,
and others never find out now small they
really are.
A man will read a book from beginning
to end. but a woman would rather do it
from end to beginning.
God created the first woman" says
the Cynical Bachelor but the devil was
hanging around and swiped the patteru.S
When the wedding march IS being
played IT'S a clumsy bridegroom who
would trip over the pealing of the organ
Mandy Snowball-t'What makes vo'
think Sam Johnsing am married. Lucy
Lillywhite-"C Cause he amt worlSiu' no
mo-"
Nell-"Bfiss Antique is awfulIy distant
in her manner. Belle-'.Tes; someone
once told her that distance lends en-
chantment to the view"
Wigg-"What do the newspapers d,
with all the war correspondents when
hostilitIes cease?'' Wagg-"Make loot
ball reporters of them, suppose
A grizzly bear I've never shot.
I've never rOped steer:
And Just for that, alas! I'll not
Be president I fear.
Mrs Rittenhouse Squeer-'s,They na,1s+
be very happily married. Mrs. De I,anry,
Place hy2" Mrs. Rittenhouse Sauces.
oh! they see so little Of each other.
'R-r-r-r-revenge!" he cried. It beats
the cars,
How actor villains roll their RS.
The fearful heroine then tries
To follow suit, and rolls her eyes.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-12-20
EROM OTHER PENS


These of US who lament the de-
struction of forests may take comfort
in the thought that many trees in the
market are raised for the purpose by
nurserymen, and that waste acres in
the north are sown with balsam seeds
and a regular crop is harvested in due
season by woodsmen who plant for the
growing. Earth would, in fact, be a.
desert drear if the myths and play
ceremonies were taken from the lives
of men. The Christmas tree carries
the healthful message of the forest in
its branches. and its resinous doors
send the fancy beyond roofs and the
struggle for existence into the free
country where nature gives with a
bountiful hand The festival of the
Christmas tree, musical with carols
and generous exchange of greetings, is
the climax of the year, and with its
departing we bid farewell to winter
and turn toward the hopes of spring.
Long live the Christmas tree! May its
number never grow less. and may it
bear fruit in every household in the
land!-Chicago Post.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-12-20
GLOBE SIGHTS.
rron the Atchison Globe.l

TFronn the Atchison Glope.I
Who makes the good investments AT AZ
christmas? Surely some one comes out
ahead
a girl in town who claims to nave d
''boudoir.'
We never rejoice. in a neishboIr,.s1. pov-
erty except when it affects his ability TO
buy a piano.
Time flies so fast as a man grows older
that it seems to him he has MS SUNDAY
clothes on all the time
The people are 50 charitab9ls. they give i've
Noah credit for the ark, and forgive the
animals he filed it with
A mothers willingness to make sacri-
fees for her children includes her sons
in-law, but a fathers doesn't
It is a question which is abused .se 1t the ne
more at this seasOn-the one VINO pays
the bills, or that word merry.
People do things in broad daylight to
make themselves ridiculous, ana then
blame a paper for mentioning IT.
You heal. HE was one Of the best men
that ever lived" Oftener than lie IS one
of the best men that ever lived.
Added to the other troubles, the whole
domestic machinery is going TO pc upset
because Christmas comes on washday.
OF all the praise given n man by his
kin, that which he gets from his father
in-law is least apt to be exaggerated.
Tt is the married man who has to pay
the most for everything at this season,
toe.
We have noticed that the woman who
has only one child to brag about takes
up more time at it than the woman who
has nine.
If a man has a weak stomach, the
chop-chop-chOp in the chopping bowl at
this season sounds like the clods when
they fall on a coffin.
If an undertaker's bin were presented
on any other occasion, there would have
been reforms in undeTtakers' bills cen
turtles ago
When a girl wears her mothers dress
to get married in, her father has to De
a pretty rich man If the women charge
It up to sentiment instead Of to economy.
What a pity it is people do not regard
the bad stories they hear 81 important
to be kept secret as the nature Of the
bundles they are carrying home at this
/ season.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-12-20

Editor Balmsey, Of the st. Joseph
Gazette, who was thought to be sche-
duled for consul general to Mexico
but who viii not get thaS place because
Of his inability to speak Spanish, has
been offered the post at Calloa. Peru
and it is reported that the consul now
stationed at Calloa has been offered the
Mexican post The government has
adopted the plan Of promoting consuls
from the lower positions to fill the va
cancies in the higher ones. and this is
given as reason for not appointing
G. @. Eberhardt of Sahna to the Mexi-
can consulate To the average person,
however, it would seem that Mr.. Eber-
hardt's work and experience as vice
consul ought to entitle him to the pro-
motion
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-12-20

Congressman ". Bourke Cochran
was narrating in San Francisco his ex-
perience in the far east.
But we made the best of it." he
said of a sampan mishap. I'VE were
like the GIoversville widow.
This woman's husband, a glove
fnisher, died, and so fnconso1ab1e was
the poor lady that she spent $500 on
a granite shaft inscribing on the base
thereof:
q My grief is so great that I cannot
bear it
Before a year had passed, however,
her grief had sufficiently faded to al
low her to marry young glove
stitcher.
"She sent a stonecutter to the GEM
etery few days before the wedding
and caused him to add to the inscrip-
ton on the shaft the single word:
=" Alone New York Tribune.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-12-20
A Beetle win a Gun.

want you, said an inspector at
the University of Pennsylvania, ito see
my new beetle. He fires of gun"
A trained beetle. eh2''
No, indeed. This beetle has a natural
gun, and fires 1t of his own accord.
There is no training. Watch"
The beetle was a FURNISHED blue, with
a red head and red legs. He lay hidden
under stone in his box. The instructor
advanced his finger slowly; the beetle
waited, watchful and intrepid; the fin
ger almost touched the insect, and then
puff, cloud of blue smoke shot out
and under cover of this smoke the beetle
beat a rapid retreat.
isn't that marvelous?' the instructor
said. And the little rascal can emit
pun after puff-can IRE gun after gun
nineteen or twenty to the minute. No
wonder he is called the bombardier, is
it?
This bombardier beetle is rare. He
has in his body certain glands secreting
a liquid which, on contact with the air,
has the curious property of turning into
a smoky vapor.
The vapor is his defense against Big
ger beetles. Hidden under it, he seeks a
new retreat
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-12-20
AND SHE DTD.

In a boat on a stream they hoated along,
he ana She on a sweet June day
lOi I know this is not an appropriate
song,
For a month when the skies are gray;
But what matters it. anyway?)
She sat at the tilIer ana he at the oars
And he looked into her wonderful eyes.
and wished he might float to some far
away shores
With her into Paradise.
(And he heaved a couple of sighs.)
And so he asked her to be his wife
tOnly he put it thus, you see):
An will you not promise to float
through life
Like this, together with me?"
What a chestnutty speechg' thought
she.)
But she answered: 20. yesl-through life
like this
We will paddle and drift and hoati"
(Which shows that she was a wise little
miss
He was doing the work, you'll note,
But she was steering the boatD
Cleveland Leader.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-12-20
THE HEART REGNANT.

The approach of the holiday season
seems tc humanize the business world.
There is sentiment in every store; there
is thought Of absent friends and home
people in discussions over trines on the
counters, there is a busting that fore
casts happiness abo6t Che prosaic old
postoffice and the harsh commercial
aspect of the express and freight depots.
There is much buying of narrow red
ribbons and holly stickers, reams of
white tissue paper for Christmas bun
dies. There is thought-thought for
others everywhere, and the whole world
of business Is under its spelE-Duluth
NeWs-Trfbune
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-12-20

The commerce between the United
States and the Philippines seems to be
steadily growing. This year it win ag-
gregate over twenty million dollars, al
most five millions more than a year
ago. At the time Of the Spanish-Amer-
ican war our exports to the Philippines
were only $4,000 ana our imports from
there about five million. This year our
exports to the Philippines will be nearly
six millions and our imports about If
teen millions. Hemp makes up more
than three-fourths of our imports.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-12-20
POINTED PARAGRAPHS.

From the Chicago NeWs.1
Lover never stops to figure out the cost.
It takes soft man to spread himself
successfully.
A theatrical angel ami his coin are
quickly divorced.
It is easy to smile at troubIe--when It
visits your ueighbor.
A word to the wise guy who knows it
all is a dangerous thing.
Bread cast upon the waters by a hypo-
critic is usually pretty stale.
Some men would be late even il time
and tide did wait for them.
Shortly after marriage a man discovers
that he has been counting lot IF
trouble.
When a barroom 1oafar tells you that
he is a gentleman no Jtaer testimony is
needed.
Don't be foolish and run yourself down
when your neighbors are only too glad
to do it for you.
Some girls require a lot al ready cash
In order to succeed in si1e business 81
looking for 8 husband.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-12-20

A poor son Of ERIN, AFTER years OF
toll and seIf-denial. saved enough
money to buy ticket to America
When he arrived at New York he was
without money or acquaintance. He
sat down on the wharf, wondering
what he should do without money in a
strange land. While bordering over
this strange problem, he saw a diver in
the regulation costume come to the
surface and ascend the steps near the
freshman. Pat gazed a moment in
silence at this apparitiOn from the
bottom OF the sea, then exclaimed;
ssBe jabers, if I'd know the way I'd
have walked too."-Exchang
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-12-20

DO you think you would be contented
if you had a million dollarsg ..,1-.
ON these days Of strenuous inVestiga-
ton I think it would depend on how
1 had accumulated the money! '-Detrole
Free Press.
war" remarked the moralizer, lis
more expensive now than II was nun
' r Is right rejoined the democrat
izer. They didn't have riots at home
after the war was over In those days. -
Chicago News
How did that interviewer come to mis-
44 II heard card something shortly after he
left that entirely changed my opinions
on the subject we were discussing. =
Washington Star.
No Good.-"Pa said if I'd be good he'd
get me a new football" Did You get
yyour footbalI?'' Nope They come too
high for a kid like me."-Cleveland
Leader.
she-I cant imagine anyone more
stupid than Mr.. Dumley. He simply can
talk at all, Hell don't consider him n
try to taIk.-Philadelphia Ledger
rs this pure mill1?'' said the inquisl-
I'VE .Ys la9y F Sg5ieis the nlkman. I'VE sell
the cream separately. Detroit Free
Press.
The Butcher-I have some. very nice
you ones Sugar cured! Oh. mercy, no.
I'm a Christian Scientist "-Brooklyn
Life.
stockbroker Cto future son-in-iaw)--I'v
| been making inquiries about you Gay
boy-And I about you. Stockbroker-Oh,
thing else.-New Yorker.
Sc he hos
policy icy ?? - wei. It has the deferred divi-
! dend feature. Puck.
ST Just wonder what present my lus-
band will bring to me tonight.
Why; is it your 6irthday7i' .,,t. r,o-n-
ing.''-Cleveland Leader.
Mrs. Newgraft--''Yes Henry they call
| you meet holds out his palm Chicago
Daily News
Ethel-Are you sure he has never loved
Edith-Yes. He told me to go round
| to the jewelers. and pick out any ring
wanted.-New Yorker.
you seem bound and determined to
live right up to my salary.
I'm merely trying to live up to the
| diamond and things you gave me when
we were engaged, dear Houston Post
DO you Lhlnk CnlIurSn SnOulO De en-
1 couraged to believe in Santa CLAUSE"
YES answered the man who never
looks happy. "A little touch of the su-
pernaturaf keeps them from being too
| frank in expressing satisfaction with
their Christmas gifts. W ashington
Star.
Griggs-Henpeck seems glad he's called
for the jury
Triggs-Yes it's the first chance Of hav-
ing an opinion of his own he's had since
he was Observation-Disclosures
"DelightfuI reception. Who is that tall
gentleman talking with our hostess2"
That's Grey. the famous bridge eX-
.'Indeed-iron. whist or dental?"-Bos-
ton Transcript.
Jack senior-How many times have you
been plucked?
Dick Junior-Four times. counting next
commencement.-F amilie-Journal
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-12-20

There is a great deal Of good argu-
ment against joint statehood for New
Mexico and Arizona. The great MAORI
~ of the people probably do not care one
way or another Most Of them are as
well of now as they would be under
statehood There would be Some salts
faction, Of course. in knowing that they
were really citizens Of a state, but Ari-
vona and New Mexico combined would
be a commonwealth OF such vast proper
tions and such diverse interests that
ehare would be a constant clash between
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-12-20
CARELEssNEss WITH FIRE.

The annual horror of IOcked-in chill
dren burning to death is under way.
These accidents are so many and so
alike in their character that they can
not reasonably be regarded as wholly
unpreventabIe. The general careless
ness about fire is something appalling
to contemplate, especially as the fire.
ouent disasters of the most agonizing
kind seem to furnish no deterrent
warnings, and holocausts which could
be prevented by the exercise of a little
ordinary care and thought continue to
shock communities with their harrow
ing details.=Baltimor American.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-12-20
REFLECTIONS OF a BACHELOR

TFrom the New York Press.1
A man gets tired of being married ana
a gill Of not being. oA14
Maybe going to church vvou1d he r..
If it shocked your friends to have sS,, ~ W
A bachelor hardly ever has as bad 1
temper as he would have Il he 49,, q
married. were
High finance is staying out OF IAN eor
doing what lands the low fellow fbeSs
every time. lAs1e
1t It takes a girl long time to learn
now 20 skate when you have to rs1t 80 80
arm around her to keep her fror5 y S-gsi qeE
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-12-20

report sent out from Neosho county
that the Erie gas field is playing out.
1t says the report is misleading and de-
serving of censure, as it does an in
justice to the entirs gas belt THE
Kansas gas field viii ultimately play
out" says the Tribune, "as has been
the history of all gas fields, but the
time is a good ways off, both for Erie
and the other towns in the gas belt"
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-12-20

On a bitter cold morning an old man
got into a carriage on the Great West
ern railway The guard. who was of a
humane disposition, offered the old
man a hot water tin which he accepted
gratefully. At the end of the journey
fbe guard asked the old man If he had
found the foot warmer comforting.
yes" he said, 'but I should have
liked another for my feet"
The old man had been sitting on the
foot warmer for nearly thirty miles
Chicago Inter-Ocean.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-12-20

The Kansan reports that sixty-one
packages from q Kansas City jug
house" recently came into ConcOrdia on
one train. Has not Concordia heard Of
Cyrus Leland's anti-jug law which was
passed by the legislature? It is a good
measure and was designed to put a stop
to this jug business.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-12-20

A Wichita judge sent a girl to jail for
fourteen days for calling him a peach /"
No self-respecting Judge viii allow
anyone to liken him to Chauncey Depew
in these latter days.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-12-20

Governor Hoch fears that wave Of
socialism may sweep over this fair land,
and there are people who are mean
enough to think that Governor Hoch
would have helped it along if the SUI
preme court had not headed OF the
state oil refinery.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-12-20

Ex-senator Henry Young of Indepen-
dence has notion that the Kansas
Natural Gas company in refusing to
obey the law providing that it shall
allow the county inspector to inspect its
property, is just as much Of an an
arehist as the individual who blew I'D
the eompany's lines last year. The very
f00al
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-12-20
SurpIusage.

Owen Wister, the novelist, was criti-
cising the work of a literary beginner.
Nov, here, said Mr.. Wister, slash
ing his blue pencil through an entire
manuscript page, there is arrant SUI
perfiuity and surplusage. In what way
do these 400 words help your story?
''In no way. On the contrary, they
words are mere surplusage, as so many
of our spoken words are mere sur
p1usage. They resemble the useless
questions that we ask.
"a man stood before a mirror in his
room, his face lathered, and an open
razor in his hand.
Ills wife came in. She looked at him
and said;
Are you shaving?
THE man, foe to surplusage, re-
piled fiercely:
No; I am backing the kitchen
range. Where are you-out driving or
at a matinee?"
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-12-20

sections. Laws that would be beneficial
to Ration and Las Vegas. for Instance.
might be extremely harmful to Yuma,
over a thousand miles away
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-12-20

Il the Nevada REPUBLICANS choose
Charles NJ. Schwab as steel senator,
he will be a mate to Montana's Demo-
cratic copper senator. The baser metals
are taking the place of gold and silver
in current poIitics.-NeW YORK Post.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-12-20

No doubt the old machines are Won
dering il Hearst will be able to make
them as much trouble in the state cleo
ton as he did in that mayoralty cam
raiaf1
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-12-20

If the date for the inaugural is changed
90 April 30. what win take the place of
that old joke that the old administra-
ton must March Fourth?
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-12-20

It's a pretty safe guess that the coun-
~ won't have to look after the wants of
the Tom Lawson family this winter
anyway.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-12-20

The state Journal IS a member Of the
telegraph report OF that great news es-
8antzatlou for exclusive evening pooh-
cation "a Topeka
The State journal receives for exclusive
publication the leased wire report OF sne
publishers Press for the edition Tor suA-
cay morning.
The news Is received in the state jour
nal building over wires for this sole puF-
pose.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-12-20

No matter if there are no designations
from the United States senate, it is pref
ty certain that there will be a lot of new
senators as soon as some Of the present
terms expire.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-12-20

If RYAN and Hartman do not settle
their difference before next summer the
Ottawa Chautauqua MANAGEMENT should
by all means secure them for a Joint de-
bate
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-12-20
PeriIous Speed.

Governor Folk of Missouri praised
IN Philadelphia the deliberate way in
which Mayor Weaver had set about re-
forming the city
All reform" he said, must be de-
Hberate and gradual to be lasting If
your mayor had set in to reform your
city year ago, he would have failed.
Corruption Is a dangerous thing, and
its dangers must be escaped from
cautiously, as a ship escapes from the
dangers of a fog.
Your mayor" said Governor Folk,
has not been like the foolish sea cap
tain.
ITO this man, in veritable pea-soup
weather, when you could not see your
hand before your face, a passenger
came and said anxiously:
Captain, why are you steaming
through this thick fog at such a dread
full rate of speed?'
'Fogs. sir said the captain, are
very dangerous. and am always in a
hurry to get out of them Los An
geles Times.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-12-20

Perhaps Mr.. Garfield win put his re-
port in the stocking Of the Standard Oil
company as a sort of Christmas sur
v,rf-e
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-12-20

Russia has freedom of the press
provided the press is careful to avoid
publishing news the officials do not
like
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-12-20
RosToN- 11AN sCORES.

A Boston man IS ASKING the courts
for permission to talk to his wife.
That's once the man scores. No wo-
man has ever found it necessary to ask
any persons permission TO talk to her
Observation-Disclosures Post
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-12-20

NOT AN IMMINENT DANGER.
It may have been casually noticed
that none of the colleges or universities
have been forced to take steps to coun-
teract the effect Of too strenuous study.
Baltimore American.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-12-20
An Awfu1 Error


The scene is an African wild, the
time high noon.
Out of a sky of brass the sun blazes
mercilessly. Stagnant and heavy is the
miasmatic air, and in the morass IN
derfoot brilliant and poisonous orchids
bloom.
With a sigh Of utter exhaustion tie
old gentleman throws himself among
the weeds in the shade of a dragon tree
can CO." he pants, mo further"
Suddenly nude savage leaps into
view.
Pointing a poisoned dart at the pros
trate strangers breast, the ebony foot
pad Kisses:
Your money or your fffe."
But the old gentleman, closing his
eyes again, murmurs wearilx, disdain-
fully:
out upon you. Have you no rever-
ence for your superiors? I run a New
York life insurance company, fool. Now
let me Sleep
The dusky highwayman, awe-stricken,
touches his forehead thrice to the ground
and withdraws on hands and knees into
the poisonous silence Of the miasmatfc
swamp.-Exchang
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-12-20
GREAT IDEA.

fly lays about 10000 eggs a year, start
ed out to makera fortune by crossing
the fly with the chicken. Strange no
body ever thought of that before.-Staf-
ford Courier.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-12-20

NO LONIER IN DANIEFt.
Senator Long has quit blowing down
the muzzle of the gun. He says he will
support the presidents railroad law
Jewell Republican.