The herald and news. [volume] (Newberry S.C.) 1903-1937, 1905-04-18


dripping from the bungs upon the
sand-are piled up into great noun
tain hogsheads, casks, barrels, kegs
and demijohns. When we saw the
dripping bungs OUR soul was much
lifted up. and we longed for an OBJ
ject Of charity upon whom or which
we might sacrihcially bestow our few
remaining nickels.
In this room are an organ, piano,
and a wicked and vulgar grapho-
phone. The graphophone spelled
with but little cessation and inspired
you to pray earnestly for quick
translation into the heavenly rest
whittier your foot steps were surely
tending. The graphophone is the
most serious anachronism of the Sub
way Tavern, for in the happy days of
the ancient time the devil had not in
vented the graphophone. On the
walls OF this subterranean chamber
hang quaint and strange old pictures,
and as we could find no merit what
ever in any of them, we naturally con-
cluded they were works of high art.
Subterraneous Cooking.
Opening out from the sanded parlor,
and running further and deeper into
the bowels of the earth stretches
vast and darkling cook room. From
this room are brought to you, and
placed on your round table, any man
ner and all manners of viands, from
roast beef to "chop suey." Your re-
freshing fluids come to you from
above-manna, The sanded parlor
was full of gay. fluffy, feathery peo-
ple-n1en and women all ages, COL
ors. nationalities and condltlons-all
except the negro. There were dozens
of fluffy blonde girls,t with pink and
blue and white parasols. 1t is the
fluffy blonde girl with the parasol that
takes the cake" And peroxide wid-
ows with strange hgures-plumped up
in sections. And many base ball boys,
with wildly dishevelled foretops, with
their wounded and bleeding shanks
covered up by thinnest lace stockings.
And old men and old women, chewing
and drinking and mumrning and gum
ming. And pet dogs and parrots and
monkeys.
We saw none of Bishop Potter's
plain honest, poor people, seeking a
place of virtuous relaxation; and the
fluffy girls and the peroxide widows
and the scabby, bleeding boys were all
gay. They had come out for pink
tea with blue and gold accompanl-
ments, and they were having it. And
in this sanded par!or visitors and
guests are not only at liberty to do
things, but are earnestly requested to
do 1hem-to "exercise gifts" And
as we are too old to be modest-God
forgive us!-We will relate the tol-
lowing: All at once our chaperon'
Miss Lucy Crozier, of Tennessee
GEORGIA, North Carolina and South
Carolina. a woman who knows more
good things and does more good
things than any other woman we have
ever heard of, rose up, and in very
eloquent and hattering terms an
nounced to the huffys, and the peroxl-
des, ard the base ballers, and the
mummers, and the dogs, and the par
rots. and the monkeys, and the ltal-
ian harpers, and the megaphone
fends that an humble, but ''gifted
South Carolinian was among them
and would first play for them some
distinctive Southern music on the pla-
no. and then address them.
Though absolutely taken aback, and
covered with shame, we reached the
piano gracefully and played Hell
Broke Loose in Georgia., Billy in
the Low-grounds." "Arkansas Travel
ler." "Surrem." Bile dem Cabbage
Down." God Save the King" and
ending with Dixie And the fluffers
Auffed and the peroxiders pumped IN