davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Elbert County tribune. [volume] (Elbert, Elbert County, Colo.) 18??-1920, 1905-07-20

James Whitcomb Riley says that he
was summoned as n witness in a case
tried in an Indiana court where one of
the witnesses before him evinced some
Discrimination TO state her age
rs it very necessary" coyly asked
the witness. a spinster of uncertain
age.
1T is absolutely necessary. madam"
interposed the judge.
We'll" sighed the maiden, eff
must. l suppose / must. 1 didn't see
how it could possibly affect the case,
for, you see
Madam" observed the Judge, with
some asperity, Il must ask you not to
further waste the time of this court.
Kindly state your age"
Whereupon the spinster showed signs
of Mysteries.
Il am, that is, 1 WAS
Madam. hurry up, hurry upr' ex-
claimed the judge, now thoroughly i'm
patient. Every minute makes it
worse you knowr'-Colliers Weekly.
The Elbert County tribune. [volume] (Elbert, Elbert County, Colo.) 18??-1920, 1905-07-20
A TONIC BREATH.

In a scarcity of new stories good
old one may bear repetition: A Scot in
hospital at Bloemfontein recovering
from an attack of enteric disease sug-
gested to the doctor that he would be
grateful for a wee drappie." mo.
no." said the doctor. do you know
that your stomach is in such an ulcer
ated condition that a spoonful of whis-
ky would kill you?" "Aweel. SIR" re
piled the patient regretfully. II must
do without it; but, doctor. just come
up close to me-" The medical man
obliged. "Ah, DOCTOR" said the soldier.
signing contentedly, yer breath's vera
refreshin'r'
The Elbert County tribune. [volume] (Elbert, Elbert County, Colo.) 18??-1920, 1905-07-20
Reads Like a Miracle.

Moravia. N. Y. July 17th-(Special)
-Bordering on the miraculous is the
case OF Mrs. Benz. Wilson. of this
place. Suffering from Sugar Diabetes.
she wasted away till from weighing
200 lbs. she barely tipped the scales at
$50 lbs. Dodd's Kidney Pills cured
her. Speaking of her cure her hus-
band. says:
MY wife suffered everything from
Sugar Diabetes. She was sick four
years and doctored with two doctors,
but received no benefit. She had so
much pain all over her that she could
not rest day or night. The doctors
said that she could not live.
Then an advertisement led me to
try Dodd's Kidney Pills and they
helped her right from the first. Five
boxes of them cured her. Dodd's Kid
ney Pills were a God-sent remedy to
US and we recommend them to all suf-
fering from Kidney Disease"
Dodd's Kidney Pills cure all Kidney
Diseases, including Bright's disease,
and all Kidney aches. including Rheu-
matism.
The Elbert County tribune. [volume] (Elbert, Elbert County, Colo.) 18??-1920, 1905-07-20

An American lady went into a
Z French hairdresser's establishment in
Berlin 10 get a shampoo. The proprie-
tor was tall, thin man, with all the
grace and suavity of a dancing master.
He came forward in haste as the door
opened.
"Ah, Madame weeshes a treatment
for re scalp. Oui. yes said he, bow
ing low with wide sweep of the hand.
Yes, and l have my own notions
about how 1t should be done" replied
the lady. CHANGING doubtfully about the
room, as If she felt she was putting
herself into the hands of irresponsible
strangers. where do you keep your
preparations, sirr'
"Ah. re ingredients-they are here.
Madame" said the artist. leading the
way to marble slab affixed to the wall
at the back of the room. upon which
there stood a long line of bottles and
jars.
The lady recognized many of the
preparations and thus regalned much
of her assurance.
us Madame ready:" asked the pro-
E prietor.
NO. wait, if you please. First.
want some of that" she said, pointing
to a bottle.
The hairdresser nodded. at ees my
pleasure, Madame
"And then you may rub in some of
that" She pointed to jar of famll-
lar lotion.
'Oui. Eat will be excellent. Madame"
Then a good rubbing with that" she
went on, indicating an open bowl
which contained thin brown liquid.
"Mais, non" cried the other. Mad
anne. does not weesh it.'
Yes, dor' replied the lady sharply.
But. Madame-''
do as say. IL you please" she in
terrupted in vexed tone.
The proprietor shrugged his Shout
ders, but he did as he was bid. Every
thing went well except that the brown
liquid did not smell just as she had ex-
pected, and produced curious sensa-
ton of warmth as it was applied.
wasn't that brown liquid a shampoo
mixture?" she asked with growing
doubt as he finished.
mon, Madame" he replied politely |;
81 put it on because Madame inseests.
But you see, l was eating my-what
came. lis bowl contained my soup,
Madamew-R. w. Child, in Lippln-
colts.
The Elbert County tribune. [volume] (Elbert, Elbert County, Colo.) 18??-1920, 1905-07-20
4 sCHooLBoY PEssIMIsT.

The irrepressible boy is little ami
NAL who has no regard for the eternal
fitness of things. Recently school in
this vicinity was closed for day or
two on account of the death of veneer
ated and beloved teacher. and a small
urchin belonging to another school in
the neighborhood looked with envy
upon the children who were given
melancholy holiday.
"Haw he exclaimed as he saw them,
nothing ever happens at my school"
Boston Beacon.
The Elbert County tribune. [volume] (Elbert, Elbert County, Colo.) 18??-1920, 1905-07-20
COMES A TIME
When Coffee Shows What II Has Been
Doing.

'''~' OSbSS SbSWo Nvbae ~ f'ae oScH
Doing.
"of late years coffee has disagreed
with me-" writes a matron from Rome.
N. T.; ITS lightest punishment was to
make me 1ogy' and dizzy, and II
seemed to thicken up my blood.
The heaviest was when 1t upset my
stomach completely. destroying my ap-
petite and making me nervous and irri-
table. and sent me to my bed. After
one OF these attacks. in which nearly
lost my life, l concluded to quit and
try Postum Food Coffee.
ut went right to the spotl found
1t not only most palatable and re-
freshing beverage, but a food as well.
"All my ailments, the loginess' and
dizziness. the unsatisfactory condition
OF my blood. my nervousness and irri-
liability disappeared in short order and
my sorely afflicted stomach began
quickly to recover. began to rebuild
and have steadily continued until now.
Have good appetite and am rejoic-
ing in sound health, which / owe to
the use Of Postum Food Coffee" Name
given by Postum Co.. Battle Creek.
Mich.
There's a reason.
Read the little book. 1.-THE Road to
MELVILLE" found in each pkg.
The Elbert County tribune. [volume] (Elbert, Elbert County, Colo.) 18??-1920, 1905-07-20
WANTED ONLY THE BEST.

The yellow and red poster which
adorned big board fence in Macon.
Ga, announced that the circus was
soon to pitch tents in that city. Be
meath the counterfeit presentment of
man on a bicycle turning somersaults
in the air, says the New York Times.
a group of darkies We're gazing open
mouthed at this announcement. in let
tiers of green: "Waitl Wait, Watt
The Greatest Show on Earth, Sept l."
''Ah amt agoin' to dat show" re-
marked one mulatto to. his companion.
.'Whah fob you amt goln?" she re-
Piled in disappointed tone.
Abs gwan to wait fob he othah
show volts bettah," he said.
They amt no bettah show said
she.
Eyes, they is" was his rejoinder
ut say so on dat bill. CANT you read?
Greatest show on a'th 'cept one"
The Elbert County tribune. [volume] (Elbert, Elbert County, Colo.) 18??-1920, 1905-07-20
@ HZNGX
&WORTH KNOWINGN


The oldest belfry in America is the
seven century old fir tree. eight feet
thick, that forms the spire of st.
Peters Church, Tacoma, which is used
for the bell of the church.
After promising to get some fish for
dinner, Max Hartmann, having gone
mad, went to the Hamburg Zoo, re-
moved a young alligator from pond
and took 1t home for his wife to cook.
A large lump of butter has been
found buried in an Irish bog. No one
knows how old 1t is 1t Is thought
that 1t is at least one hundred years
old, possibly ten centuries. The but
ter Is said to be in excellent condition.
Statistics show that more people live
TO be one hundred years old In warm
climates than in northern countries.
In Mexico there are many centen-
arians. for in towns not forty miles
from the capital are not few men
and women beyond the one hundred
year line.
square foot of uncoy cred pipe,
filed with steam at one hundred pound
pressure. will radiate and dissipate in
n year the heat obtained by the econ
omic combustion of 1913 pounds of
coal. Thus ten square feet of bare
pipe corresponds approximately to the
waste of two tons of coal per annum.
A hotel which cost the builder S13.-
600 six years ago at Kettle Falls,
Wash, has been sold for 5000 and a
number of town lots We're sold at
from five cents to $50 each. The sale
was made by the County Commission
ers on foreclosure for delinquent
taxes, and marked the end of boom
town.
The snakes tongue proves to be a
most remarkable organ. A Maryland
woman student finds that its chief
function is connected with n sense OF
feeling without touch, and may be n
finer development of the sense that
enables some people to avoid striking
obstacles in the dark. The forked tip
and the numerous folds behind 1t
greatly increase the surface exposure.
The cells of the epidermis are inter-
laced by net work of extremely fine
nerve fibres, which centre In a deep
nerve plexus beneath the epirdermis
and extending out into the folds.
The Elbert County tribune. [volume] (Elbert, Elbert County, Colo.) 18??-1920, 1905-07-20

According to an estimate issued by
the British Royal Commission China
las $4,000 square miles of coal pro-
ducing lands. the United States 2o0.-
900. Canada $4,000. Great Britain 12.-
900. France 5000 and Germany 100.
With all Its claims of ancient civiliza-
ton. China has never yet Weakened up
to the productive uses OF coal. though
it seems to have more of 1t than exists
in any other country-St. Louis Globe
Democrat.
The Elbert County tribune. [volume] (Elbert, Elbert County, Colo.) 18??-1920, 1905-07-20

WANTED HIS MONEYS WORTH.
big John" is one of the celebrated
features of Harvey's restaurant. he
has been waiter there for years and
knows all the leading men in the coun-
try.
Yesterday a man came in and sat at
one of Johns tables.
Look here, boy" he said. ~ want an
oyster stew
Yes. sir" said John. what kind 2"
The man looked at the bill of fare.
oh he said. Il don't want to pay
more thanea quarter for 1t. but please
be careful to see that the milk is per
fectly sweet and not skinned and that
the butter you put in it is of the best
creamery brand. Observe also that
want the oysters boiled without the
liquor. When they are ready pour in
the liquor and be sure that have the
finest brand. Do not put in those COM
mon oysters. Also add small glass
of fine sherry. Do you understand"
Yes. sir,' said John. II think 1 I'M
derstand. but do you want the oysters
with or without?"
with or without what?" asked the
particular stranger.
pearls. sir" said Washing
ton Correspondence, in Chicago Inter
Ocean.
The Elbert County tribune. [volume] (Elbert, Elbert County, Colo.) 18??-1920, 1905-07-20
Objections All Removed.

Chicago lady wrote to a farmer
over in Michigan where she spent last
summer with her family and told Am
she would like to come again this
summer. but that she objected 10 theI
kitchen methods of his hired girl and
to the swine being kept too close to-
the house. She received an answer
which contained the following: "You
may cum all right. Hannah has went,
and there hain't been no hogs on the
place since you left last summer"
The Elbert County tribune. [volume] (Elbert, Elbert County, Colo.) 18??-1920, 1905-07-20

for some time; head has ached and
back also; has slept poorly, been quite
nervous, and nearly tainted once or
twice; head dizzy, and heart-beats very
fast; then that bearingdown feeling,
and during her menstrual period she is
exceedingly respondent. Nothing
pleases her. Her doctor says: Cheer
up: you have dyspepsia you will be
all right soon"
But she doesn't get "all right" and
hope vanishes; then come the brood
ing, morbid, melancholy, everlasting
BLUES.
Don't wait until your sufferings have
driven you to despair. with your nerves
all shattered and your courage gone,
but take Lydia Z. Pinkham's Vege-
table Compound. See what 1t did for
Mrs. Rosa Adams. of $40 18th Street.
Louisville, KY. niece of She late GEN
eral Roger Hanson, C.S.A. She writes:
Dear Mrs. Pinkham:-
Lydia z. Pinkham's Vegetable Compound
has done for me. suffered with female
troubles, extreme lassitude, the blues
nervousness and that all gone feeling was
advised to try Lydia f. Pinkham's Vegetable
Compound, and it not only cured my female
arrangement, but IL has restored me TO perfect
health and strength Tho buoyancy of my
younger days has returned, and do not SUI
Ter any longer with dependency, as I did be-
fore / consider Lydia K. Pinkham's Vege-
table Compound a boon to SICK and suffering
women"
II you have some arrangement Of
the female organism write Mrs.
Pinkham, Lynn, Mass, for advice.
The Elbert County tribune. [volume] (Elbert, Elbert County, Colo.) 18??-1920, 1905-07-20
pIsriouRINo ULCER
People Looked At Her in Amusement
Pronounced incurabIs-Fxcs
Now Clear as Ever-Tkauks
God for Cuticura.

Mrs. p. Eackett, of 400 Van Buren,
St.. Brooklyn. N. Y. says: Il wish
to give thanks for the marvellous cure
OF my mother by Cuticura. She had
severe ulcer. which physicians had
pronounced incurable. 1t was ter
rible Disagreement. and people would
stand in amazement and look after
her. After there was no hope from
doctors she began using Cuticura
Soap. Ointment. and Pills. and now,
thank God. she is completely cured.
and her face is as smooth and clear
as ever"
II pays to be good: IL you get in the
psnitentiarY 1t shortens your term.
The Elbert County tribune. [volume] (Elbert, Elbert County, Colo.) 18??-1920, 1905-07-20
on THE SAFE sIDE-

An old woman who persisted in bow
ing during church service whenever
the name of Satan was mentioned. was
reprimanded by the minister for so I'M
seemly habit. The reproof had,
however, no effect. and the minister
asked her finally, in evaporation. why
she thought 1t necessary to bow.
"Well." she replied. "civility costs
nothing. and you never know what
will happen."-Harper's Weekly.
The Elbert County tribune. [volume] (Elbert, Elbert County, Colo.) 18??-1920, 1905-07-20

! Every housekeeper should know
that If they will buy Defiance Cold
Water Starch for laundry use they
will save not only time. because 1t
never sticks to the iron. but because
each package contains 16 Ozone full
pound-while all other Cold Water
Starches are put up In Y pound pack
ages, and the price is the same, 10
cents. Then again because Defiance
Starch is free from all Injurious chem.
icals. II your grocer tries to sell you
12-oz. package 1t Is because he has
a stock on hand which he wishes to
dispose OF before he puts In Defiance.
He knows that Defiance Starch has
printed on every package In large let
ters and figures "16 ozs." Demand De-
fiance and save much time and money
and the annoyance OF the iron stick
ing. Defiance never sticks.
Cupid's labor is one OF love: that's
n.
The Elbert County tribune. [volume] (Elbert, Elbert County, Colo.) 18??-1920, 1905-07-20
NOT LONESOME.

Seated on the grass in front of sod
cabin in Oklahoma was a man clean
ing a double-barreled shotgun, and af
ter we had conversed few minutes
asked him how far it was to the near
est neighbours.
"a trifle over two miles" he replied.
"As far as that? You must find 1t
rather lonesome here"
mo. can't say as do"
perhaps you are not one of the lone
some kind
mo, I'm not. But, you see, l mort
gagged this claim for $500"
YES"
"And 1 couldn't pay, and they fore
closed on me-
81 see."
'That was two years ago. and the
Sheriff has been trying to get posses
sion ever since. He comes twice a
week, and we have shot at each
other, and at least twice week some
burned fool comes along and wants to
know If 1 amt lonesome, and when
you add the claim jumpers. the rattle
snakes and the skunks, this life is
about the excitingest thing know of.
There comes the Sheriff now, and you
had better get down behind that log
and keep clear of his buckshot."-To-
peka Qkan.) Journal.
The Elbert County tribune. [volume] (Elbert, Elbert County, Colo.) 18??-1920, 1905-07-20

When You Buy Starch
buy Defiance and get the best, Is OF.
Tor 10 cents. Once used, always used.
The Elbert County tribune. [volume] (Elbert, Elbert County, Colo.) 18??-1920, 1905-07-20
TEA

Did you ever hear of a
nervous Englishman?
They drink more tea than
we do, six to one.
The Elbert County tribune. [volume] (Elbert, Elbert County, Colo.) 18??-1920, 1905-07-20
TEA
Let it be neither weak nor
strong, at least good, if pos
sible fine, and brewed by one
who knows how.

Dress Is sometimes a matter OF form
and form is often n matter OF dress.
The Elbert County tribune. [volume] (Elbert, Elbert County, Colo.) 18??-1920, 1905-07-20

Tommy-There's a man at the door.
pa, who wants to see the boss OF the
house. Pa Tell your mother. Ma
Call Bridget.
The Elbert County tribune. [volume] (Elbert, Elbert County, Colo.) 18??-1920, 1905-07-20

Never place your clock at the head
of the stairs; It might run down.
The Elbert County tribune. [volume] (Elbert, Elbert County, Colo.) 18??-1920, 1905-07-20

MIXED AS TO IMPLEMENTS.
Professor Robert d. Petty. of the
New York Law School. was telling his
students the other day Of the need that
lawyers occasionally have for little
knowledge of agriculture. II was re-
minded of this need the other day." he
declared, when young attorney of
this city told me about his plans for
spending two or three days in the
country next summer. 4 want to go
to farm the young attorney said,
and for two or three days do farm
hands work. l want TO shovel hay"
The Elbert County tribune. [volume] (Elbert, Elbert County, Colo.) 18??-1920, 1905-07-20

tastes good and makes one
feel good besides.
Schilling's Best is the tea.
Yc,ygrocer return. your money II you don's
thlnkse.
The Elbert County tribune. [volume] (Elbert, Elbert County, Colo.) 18??-1920, 1905-07-20

The Oldest belfry in America is the
seven century old fir tree. eight feet
thick, that forms the spire Of ST.
Peters Church, Tacoma, which is used
for the bell of the church.
The Elbert County tribune. [volume] (Elbert, Elbert County, Colo.) 18??-1920, 1905-07-20
Cure For The Blues
ONE MEDICINE THAT HAS NEVER FAILED
Health Fully Restored and the 10y Of
Life Regalned

When a cheerful. brave, light-hearted
woman is suddenly plunged into that
perfection OF misery, the BLUES, it is
q sad picture. 1t is usually this way:
She has been feeling "out of sorts
The Elbert County tribune. [volume] (Elbert, Elbert County, Colo.) 18??-1920, 1905-07-20

Cupids labor is one OF love: that's
why he can't AFFORD to patronize
tailor.
The Elbert County tribune. [volume] (Elbert, Elbert County, Colo.) 18??-1920, 1905-07-20

After promising to get some fish for
mad, went to the Hamburg Zoo, re-
moved young alligator from pond
and took 1t home for his wife to cook.
The Elbert County tribune. [volume] (Elbert, Elbert County, Colo.) 18??-1920, 1905-07-20

II pays to be good; IL you get in the
psnitentiary 1T shortens your term.
The Elbert County tribune. [volume] (Elbert, Elbert County, Colo.) 18??-1920, 1905-07-20
Droll Stories Of the
Passing Moment.
IN THE SOUP.
WANTED HIS MONEYS woR,

MMMMMM:

sNGsEAs85aEI x ass;sakE ssksssk
Barton County democrat. [volume] (Great Bend, Kan.) 1885-1915, 1905-12-08
A Big Bargain for: thoss
who care 10 wear a frock
or Cutaway Suit ::

We have about 20 frock suits in
our stock that we would like to sell.
They are made of pure wool worsted,
and lined and finished in the best
possible manner. We have them in
black only. These suits sold for $40,
$3.50 and SIS, and were well worth
the price, If you want frock suit
come and take your choiceee m
OF any Of this lot for only@J.VV
Barton County democrat. [volume] (Great Bend, Kan.) 1885-1915, 1905-12-08

Santa Claus Department will
be- open for the children. Bring
them in to see the big display Of
Drums, tool chests, wheel barrows,
Banks, doll buggies, doll dish sets,
toy watches, books and dolls Of
every description.
Barton County democrat. [volume] (Great Bend, Kan.) 1885-1915, 1905-12-08
In Our Ladies' Ready to
Wear Department.
Only Il days TO reduce this stock
bsfore inventory.

We have decided not to carry a garment
over, and the prices that they have been marked
at for this sale should interest you. % per cent
off on every fur in the house. We have 20
ladies Muffs in the new shape to match the furs
if desired. These muffs are samples, not one in
the lot worth less than $3.50 up to c1Oc
$3.50. Your choice during this sale 0l.1O
$500 ladies' tailor made suits, in this
lot sample garments, sale price at cEOe
.................. ........................ CO.1J
Is ladies ready to wear skirts, every one
this seasons patterns in blacks, grays, blues and
fancy mixtures. Your choice during this sale at
20 per cent off the regular price.
Barton County democrat. [volume] (Great Bend, Kan.) 1885-1915, 1905-12-08
From The Daylight Clothing Department
An Extra Special in Overcoats.

We swan dwm
for $1,000 e tmt fol ony.
Yukon Valley news., 1905-06-14
HARVEY THOMPSON
 AGAIN IN TROUBLE

Cinema Times, May 30: Harvey Thompson was arrested last Satur- day, on a charge of petty larceny, for stealing cordwood that had been attached through the commission CTS court here. His attorney, MT. Burton, asked for immediate trial. A trial by jury was had and the prisoner acquitted. He was imme- diately arrested upon charge of grand larceny for stealing a money order, and had his preliminary hearing. He was bound over to appear before the grand jury.
Yukon Valley news., 1905-06-14
DREDCE OUTFIT
 ON HOOTALINQUA

The Gold and Platinum Company of Boston will operate big gold dredge this summer on the Hoota- linqua. fifty miles above Hootalin- qua station, in Yukon Territory. The Alaskan says the manager of the company passed Skagway May Io with twenty men and lot of machinery. The Hootalinqua bars have been worked ill a small way at intervals for twenty years or more.
Yukon Valley news., 1905-06-14
Self Government
 Wanted in 1869
From the Valdez News.

James G. Stephens, of this city, is the possessor of copy of the Sitka Times, the first newspaper published i'll Alaska The issue is dated Oct. g, 1869, but is remark ably well preserved. It is a six column four page paper, neat typo graphically and we'll edited. It contains many interesting things, but none more interesting than its plea for territorial government for Alaska.
 The paper gives an account of a big celebration on the second ami versary of the raising of the Amer ican flag ill Alaska. Many speeches were made and the burden of cry was for local self government. For two long years have we suffered" laments one of the orators, land congress still refuses 'o heed our cry" A speech of Hon. w. s. Dodge is reproduced in full, and it is hummer for territorial govern ment.
 At mass meeting held for the purpose resolutions were drawn up and forwarded to congress. The resolutions read i'll part as follows:
 Whereas, The enjoyment of civil rights and the exercise of self government are inalienable privileges of American citi- zens; and
 Whereas, It has heretofore been the policy of the United States to intrust to the citizens of new territories a large DOT tion of political power;
 Resolved, That the citizens of Alaska, having for two years been deprived of any voice in the making of laws, ask from congress the formation of a territo- rial government.