The Union times. [volume] (Union, S.C.) 1894-1918, 1905-10-27
Uncle TObey'S Lecture
on Girls.

My dear friends; This is a beauti.
ful.Sunday morning, and one subject
for today's lecture ought to fit the
occasion. II the young lady sitting
over there, back OF the stove, will
take that chewing gum out of her
mouth, and the young man in the left
hand corner will let 60 of his girls s
hand, the trouble will begin at orce.
My subject this morning is "Girls. -
And it's enough. You've all heard
about Washington being First in
war, first in peace, and first in the
hearts of his countrymen." Well,
that may be all right enough so far
as the men are concerned, bnt the
girls are first in the hearts Of the
country boys-and the town boys, 100
According to the Scripture girls
seem to have been about the last
thing created. 1t is almost unapi-
mously conceded that they are the
be>t thing that ever came down the
pike.
Eve was never girl, although at
one time she was young enough to be.
OF course. she lost lots of fun, never
had a summer hat, and when she left
Eden Rad nothing in the way of q
wardrobe but Il "fall" dress Having
been m ade Of the rib Of msn she
never attracted much attention from
those that had right conception of
the raw material used in construct.
ing her. She did, however, succeed
in attracting the notice of gentle
man who is said to be chief fireman
in the lower regions, and he succeed
ed in tempting her to cat the wrong
kind OF fruit, which is sometimes
erroneously stated to be an apple
Since that time she has been attract
ing too much attention.
God made boys before He made
girls, but He must evidently have
discovered that he made a mistake,
for they fought, and one killed the
other. Directly after that girls made
their appearance, and things have
been running smoothly ever since.
The proportion of boys and girls are
about equal-that is, there is about
one boy for every girl. Some people
been trying to change this proper
ton, but the effort is not popular and
will hardly succeed. Sometimes a
girl thinks that the boy crop is going
to be short, and she picks one before
he is ripe. When this happens they
are both pretty green, but plenty of
congenial sunshine will usually bring
them out all right. A boy can out.
run a girl, but he hardly ever does it..
When girl takes after him he
usually stops. When girl gets big
enough Ito get mad because she has
to milk the cow or carry in stove
wood, she usually thinks she is old
enough to marry and begins to look
around for boy to help her do those
things. When a girl wants a boy to
give her flower, or to sit on her
fathers front porch with her and
watch the moon and stars, she's in
love, and ought to eat plenty Of pick
les. 1t amt any harm for a girl to
fall in love with a boy, if he's the
right kind of boy.
The hardest thing for girl to do,
after she has fallen in love with a
boy, is to let him know it without
letting him knowit. Some girls have
a habit Of making love to two or three
boys-that is, Of making all of them
believe that she loves them, and of
getting them to love her. This near
ly always makes trouble, and some
times thins out the tribe of boys a
boy or two. Then sometimes the
wrong girl falls in love with the right
boy, and the right boy falls in love
with some other girl. This gets
things awfully mixed up, but it seems