davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1905-07-08

I note that a movement has been
inaugurated, and with some success,
to transport shop girls from the big
cities to the farms of some OF the
great western states where they be-
come servant girls and housewives,
and it recalls a little 35-cent love
story / once witnessed in which one,
Uncle Joey, a widower, played the
leading part. AS long as anybody
could remember Uncle Joey had
worn a pale and wilted mustache
that looked like he had left it out
over night at some time and frosted
it. But one day fearful and
wonderful change took place and
Uncle Joey came out into the world
looking as though somebody had
slipped up on him when he wasn't
looking and rubbed bottle of stove
polish or some other toilet article
in his mustache. Uncle Joey did
not have very bewitching style of
beauty under normal conditions.
and when he began to kalsomine
his upper lip and part his hair down
the back of his head and wear a
high collar and a necktie that was
addicted to the jumping habit when
ever he made a remark with much
depth of feeling to it, he became a
sight to melt the heart and make
strong men weep.
have often wondered why it is
that when love begins to whisper
into the listening ear of the totter-
ing and toothless widower his first
glad impulse is to run to the bureau
and adulterate his whiskers, leav-
ing a marginal reference about a
half-inch wide at the roots where
the hair dye seems to just throw off
all further responsibility in the
matter. ] once knew widower
with faded eyelashes who acquired
the stove polish habit, but one even
ing while preparing his toilet in
the subdued light of the cleaning
he got hold of the wrong bottle and
gave his beard complexion of fiery
red, using up nearly ten cents
worth of carmine ink in the opera
ton. Then he started out with
beaming eye and squeaklng shoes;
but when he called upon the target
of his affections he was panied to,
note GOODNESS and an air of
naughty reserve that he had never
noted in her before. But that is
another story.
Uncle Joey subscribed for a mat
rimonial paper and began to cor
respond with refined eastern lady,
asSshe termed it. One day, in
moment of enthusiasm, he let me
read one of the letters she wrote to
him and i'll remember correctly it
was largely as follows:
Dear Joey: I received your
letter yesterday and send you my
photo as you ask. ] am a good
cook, but slightly freckled around
the neck. Have tender ways and
sunset hair. Now / will be frank
with you and say I am not hopeless
ly fascinated with you if the photo
graph you sent me is truthful like
ness of the way you look when in
your right mind. What seems to
be the trouble, Joey, when you sat
for this masterpiece? Your mustache
looks like it had taken offense at
something the. photographer said to
you and had just gotten up to 60
home when he pulled the trigger on
you. Are there no painless pho
tographers out your way? Down
here they give gas in severe cases
Of this kind. But do not take Of
Tense. I am an outspoken woman
and as you know me better you will
learn to like me for it. Yours
tendeTly. WINNIE B. jerks. !"
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1905-07-08

"A large crowd of sympathizing
relatives and friends were in at
tendance at the funeral of James
Duncan at the Congregational
church Thursday.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1905-07-08
Shop Girl on the Farm.

1 ~ AA4 IL r.
Uncle Joey wasn't much of a
scholar, but he replied to her as
best he could, as follows: y:
Miss Winnie B.. jerks, Esq. =
Dear Madam: The day I had my
face illustrated the fotygrafer had
such hard work to git me to look
lifelike that he jabbed and prodded
me behind the ears with his prongs
till I told him if he harpooned me
agin I would lick him with my new
tight suit on, as heaven was my
jedge, and thrash him with his So
Tripod, or whatever he called it,
and in that frame of mind I was
sketched, and I defy any man of
my years and weight to sit for two
hours and have his head showed in
to the jaws of a hungry tunin' fork
with shap points, and then look
well in the negative or any place
else. What / want to say to you is
that I have gentle disposition and
can be led to do most anything with
kindness and love, but have never
yet been thoroughly broke to drive.
I am bald-headed, but otherwise in
good health and hope you are the
same. have blue eyes and span
of mules, also 100 acres of land, 80
head of hogs and mustache. There
are some women here who would
like to claim ray two hands in the
holy ties of married wedlock, but ]
said no, as I am looking for bird
of finer feather. Also I have a
parlor organ and was run for super
visor but was beat at the last NOM
emit because three men stayed home
to brane potato bugs and not serve
their country as they should. Write
soon. With due affection.
JOSEPH G. BUNYON."
So one day Uncle Joey packed a
clean collar and the rest of his
trousseau in a large, heavy-draft
valise and went to the city and
claimed his bride. I do not now re-
call that I ever saw woman who
seemed to just move right into a
new home and assume the uncom-
promising command of it in the
way she did. She had florid com
plexlon and a rich red disposition
that brooked no interference. 1t twas
just about six months from the day
Joey brought his bride home that he
found the following note pinned on
the tablecloth one day when he
came to dinner:
Joey: I have gone back to the
city and you will never see me
again. You will find the hair dye
out in the smoke house behind the
churn. When you go out at four
o'clock tomorrow morning to water
the ducks and wake up the geese,
then you'll remember me. Good
bye. WINNIE"
Uncle Joey told me all about it
afterwards. when she came here, p"
he said, ''she didn't know any
thing about country life and then
seemed to add to it the longer she
stayed. 1t was all city, city, city
with her, and she complained of
everything, from the frogs hollerin'
at night to me refusln' to wear a
necktie to a wedding. She was Just
that unreasonable about everything
and played the organ, as heaven is
my ledge, till it jumped around the
parlor on three legs and | had to go
and curry the mule to keep my
mind study, which, claim, was nc
way for a mans companion and
helpmeet to do, and I also spent
So on a preparation called whis-
kerine or something like that for
boards in failing health before
won her heart, which also it now
seems was total loss to me and a
poor investment"
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1905-07-08

&C. w. Mauer was over from
Fennimore Thursday.
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1905-06-19
What the Market Affords.

TEXAS tomatoes, good quality, per basket 80 cents.
i Wax beans, per pound, 8 cents.
Homegrown beets BUNCH 5 cents.
Head lettuce, solid heads, two for 5 cents.
Cucumbers still holding at to cents.
Pneappes scarce nice Foridas sell at 121a to 20
cents. " - 1'
Fancy California cherries per pound, 80 cents
Lemons, Is to 20 cents dozen.
Eggs 16 to II cents
Wisconsin strawberries arriving larger quantities.
the quality much better The best sell IL cents box
There few homegrown berries in the market today
which sell at is cents box.
New potatoes are little frmer but still sell at Is cents
peck.
Homegrown peas at cents quart peck, so cents They
well-flled for early variety
Before the asparagus closes all of this ee
CANT vegetable should try the following recipes and they
may also be prepared of the canned article which has the
merit of always being tender and also always obtanable
Asparagus la Newburg-Heat in the chatting with
tablespoon Of melted butter cup of parboed asparagus
tips adding saspoon of salt and pinch Of black pepper
then pour winegass Of Madeira, if liked and cook
the hot water pan for about three minutes meanwhile
until light the yoks Of three eggs which add half pint
Of double cream and very gradually add this aspara
gus, stirring constanty cook only for moment or two or
until the Newburg well thickened and trianges
of toasted wheat bread.
Sweet Peppers Stuffed with Asparagus-Th IS a par
ticuary savory combination After cutting piece off the
end and removing the seeds and partitions from the
peppers place them hot water and parboil for
made Of cup Of grated bread crumbs tablespoon Of
melted butter, half teaspoon Of SALT few drops mush-
catsup half pint OF chopped codboied asparagus
tablespoon Of olive oil and dash Of lemon juice Place
the peppers shallow baking pan and thirty
minutes in moderate oven; haste frequently with rich
brown stock Serve salpcon of 1iced potatoes gar
nished with large pitted olives
Cucumber and Asparagus Salad and dice two me-
diminished cucumbers placing them in icewater, which
saltspoon Of salt has been added until ready use Drain
and cut into small bunch Of cooked half
hour before serving carefully dry the cucumber and
the two vegetables lightly together with silver fork adding
you do So teaspoon Of onion juice, tablespoon Of
minced cress and sufficient French dressing to thoroy
moisten bed Of lettuce leaves;
garnish with chopped hardboled egg and pimoas.
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1905-06-19
HE WAS TOO POOR.

PETWEEN Henry Arthur jones' the playwright and Beer
- bohm Tree, the actor controversy has of been
going Mr. Jones in this controversy praises
plays and little at modern actors and Mr. Tree
praises modern actors and little at modern PLAYS
An American in London attended recently dinner
where Mr.. Jones told story about Mr.. Tree.
Mr. Tree, said the playwright, 1met friend of his
afternoon Regent street
The two stood and little WHILE and then
Mr.. Tree said:
" Have you been down to see me act lately nv boy?
. NO. too poor said the other
"1roo poorp Mr. Tree exclaimed Why, you spend
enough wine and cigars to-
But the other, nettled, interrupted:
" 8 don It mean I'm too poor mean you re too poor y
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1905-06-19
Don't Worry.

Don't Worry.
Now that the warm weather is upon us
and days are most trying, make up your
mind that nothing will upset you.
Everything will come out right in the
end, and needless worry will only make
life the less endurable when the ther-
mometer is in the nineties
Read over the maxims of the Don't
Worry club, and keep a few of them for
your own use. Here are some of the
best Of them:
Don't start nervously if child makes
noise or breaks a dish-keep your wor-
ry for broken bones.
Don't sigh too often over servants
shortcomings.
Don't get wildly excited if Bridget has
neglected to dust the legs of the hall
table.
Don't put too much of yourself into the
ordering of the household, or the man
agement Of servants, or the care of the
ornaments Let the ornaments of the
house be the friends who frequent it.
Don't exhaust all of your reserve force
over petty cares. Each time that one
loses control of herself, her nerves, her
temper, she loses just little nervous
force, just little physical well being,
and moves fraction Of an inch further
on in the path that leads to premature
old age.
Don't work when you are not In a con-
dition to do so.
Don't go to bed late at night and rise
at daybreak and imagine that every hour
taken from sleep is an hour gained.
Don't eat as if you had only minute
in which to finish the meal, or eat with
out an appetite. .
Don't give unnecessary time to a GER
tain established routine of housekeeping
when If cOnl0 much mora OrOfitablV
spent in rest Or recreation.
Don't always be doing something
have intermittent attacks Of idling. TIC
understand how to relax is to under
stand how to strengthen nerves.
Don't worry others, above all things
by forcing them to share your worries
Worry is called the American nationa
disease and "Americanitis" is it's dis.
tinctive name. s-....
Don't fret and don't worry are the
most healthful of maxims.-New Yorl
World. -.......
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1905-06-19
THE DENNY PIE.

HnN MY European tour this SUMNER said school
- teacher II shall certainly go to DENLY Dale to
some DENLY pie.
"Denby Dale is quaint little village Huddersfeld,
and Aug the ladies of the town. celebrate the repeal
of the lawsof you know all about the corn
feet deep.
his pie contains 120 pounds Of beef $50 pounds of
VEAL l2 pounds of mutton 60 pounds of lamb 20 pounds
Of flour, and 100 pounds of lard
The monster is conveyed thru the town in decorated
drawn by fourteen white horses It is exhibited at
cost of sxpence head and after it's exhibition it is cut
up and sold at shilling wedge
"a friend of mine tells that DENLY pie is good am
going to be in DENLY Dale in August to try shlings
worth Of it,
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1905-06-19
QUESTION FOR TOMORROW.
CADDYING BY sPYGLASS,

81 CHARGE said the caddy, $50 cents around''
''That's rather high isn't it?
'About double.'
But what right have YOU said the golfer 1tto charge
double?''
SOn account o me equipment, said the boy 3tDo We
sec this here spyglass9''
lie displayed very good telescope of German make.
Well, this here spyglass cost hundred dollars and
with 1t can locate ball. foer every shot with the
spygass, watch where the ball drops and take the
bearns of the place The result that there is that no
player ever loses a ball when caddy for him.
Here's testimonials three Dozen and they all say that
with and spyglass caddyn balls ain ever lost
They all say account Of the savin in balls l. with
me double charge am still the cheapest caddy around the
club
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1905-06-19

"Well, of all the IT OUGHT TO HAVE KNOWN" SCREAMED
mean +r;ole,, Mrs
Sixth Floor called down. 'You might have known whose
it was.''
II ought to have KNOWN screamed Mrs Fifth Floor.
"My husband buys round steak. I'll send you the
quarter to pay for it by the elevator boy.''
Then two dumbwaiter doors banged venomously and it
in those two flats all that evening that nobody
fused at the antor about the seam.-New York Press
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1905-06-19
The Sunshine Method.

Just because other people complaih
less than you do is not proof that they
have fewer cares and no worry.
You may rest assured that one whose
face is ever bright and whose every
word is full Of cheer Is nevertheless
tempted now and then to be blue and
oyercomeS it by the sunshine method.
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1905-06-19
'TWERE BETTER so.

CTEWART EDWARD WHITE, the author, lost some
y money recently thru the failure Of trust company
nSanta Barbara day. he introduced to inter-
esting young from New York
What does that young man do?' Mr.. White asked on
the strangers departure.
He is attached to the Commercial bank was the
reply.
All Z said Mr.. White, $50 they attach them now, do
they? It's not bad dea't
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1905-06-19
WELL HIT OFF.

# Ohm BURROUGHS, the famous naturalist, was CON
y demning the cruel sport Of fox-huntng.
"a redfaced English squire gallopng after fox he
sa1d-'tha to my mind, makes neither edifyng nor
pleasant picture"
Mr.. Burroughs smiled
red-faced squire chasing fox he repeated i1The
unspeakable in pursuit Of the uneatabe''
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1905-06-19
Y Is the Best Day.

Every Day Is the Best Day.
Some skies may be gloomy,
Some moments be sad,
But everywhere, always,
Some souls must be glad;
For true is the saying.
Proclaimed py the seer,
each day is the best day
OF somebody's year?'
Each day finds hero.
Each day helps a saint.
Each day brings to someone
A joy without faint.
Tho 1t may not be my turn,
Or yours that is near
Each day is the best
OF somebody's yearp'
The calendar sparkles
With days that have brought
Some prize that was Ionged for,
Some good that was sought;
High deeds happen daily,
Wide truths grow more clear
'Each day is the best
OF somebody's year,"
No sun ever rises
But brings Joy behind,
No sorrow in letters
The whole earth can bind;
How selfish our fretttng,
How narrow our fear
each day is the best
OF somebody's year,"
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1905-06-19
Little THINGS.

: Do something for each other,
Tho snail the help may be;
There's comfort oft in little things,
Far more than others see.
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1905-06-19

the steak on to cook
before another yelp up
the shaft told her that
the butchers boy had
discovered his mistake.
"That there meat
was for the lady above
you,'' he shouted.
"I've put it on al
ready, - Mrs. Fifth
Floor responded. "You
will have to bring her
another and charge this
to me-. -
Mrs. Sixth Floor
had her head in the
dumbwaiter shaft, too,
and she was not in an
amiable frame of mind.
"It's been paid for
already,'' she snapped.
II don't run bills, and
I want my steak
"It's already on the
stove,'' shrieked Mrs.
Fifth Floor. "I'm sor-
ry for the mistake, but
it's too late. - ...-
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1905-06-19
What Women Want TO K1z0a,.

N TIES OF A PATRONESS. are the duties of a
- patroness? the term often in the social COL
Of the newspaper and should like to know what it
means9-Mrs. J.
The duties Of patroness usually honorary than
actual and she is often asked only lend her name to the
list OF who to stand sponsor for an affair Some
times she also asked to receive the case Of an en-
eranment for charity she expected to dispose Of certain
number Of tickets. .s~S
QUESTION FOR TOMORROW
GRASS STAINSI there anything that will remove grass
stains from pair Of light gray wool Iowa
Reader.
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1905-06-19
RaenopSibiIffv

aIwonder if we realize as we should
to do that we are responsible not only
for the influence Of our daily living upon
those with whom we come in contact
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1905-06-19

every day, but also for the effect ou1
words and deeds may have upon others
we may never see or know.
What we say and what we do may In
fuence in some degree the life of soma
one near us and thru them others far
away.
How careful, then, should we ever be
to think only pure and noble thoughts,
speak only wise and kindly words and to
do only generous, helpful deeds which Ia
the sunshine way.
This learned from the shadow Of tree
That to and fro did sway upon the wall:
Our shadow selyes-our inluenee-may fan
Where we can never be.
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1905-06-19
ON A SOUTHERN RAILROAD.

M AROdALL r. W1LDEF, at a dinner IN ST. LOUIS was
w telling railroad stories.
tsOne afternoon riding southern
train" he said. It hot bright afternoon. The
full Of sunshine and DUST and the air that swept thru
the open door and gritty and unrefreshing.
Everybody uncomfortable, and little boy who sat in
front Of had his head poked out of the window all the
time in search Of cooness Now and then with loud
remark he drew in his head, all coated with dust and soot
and made few white streaks it's dark surface with
handkerchief
'The boys remarks amusing, and all fell into
the habit of waiting for them. In the heat and dust and
glarng sunshine, they seemed to afford little relief
'The train, after time, struck serpentne stretch Of
track and began to rock from side to SIDE Now
buried TO the right; flung violently to the left
On went with this crazy rocking motion, and in the dis
lance tunnel appeared. AS always swayng violently
drew the tunnel the boy front drew in his dust
grrned head quickly and in wild excitement shouted:
g 1By George, believe we IL miss the hole.' -
THE FIGHTING CHAPLAIN.
COLONEL CHARLES w: HARMED was talking at West
~ Point about famous and venerable army chaplain
"A Drawer and more upright lived" Colonel
Larned said. ts
''In the civil he in the thick of many fierce
engagement He comforted the wounded, cheered the
brave, and put spirit into the fainthearted
He distributing cartridges in the midst of
hot fight AS he approached certain company he heard
blackbearded private swearing at the enemy.
Blank them, the saying. dash blank the
But the chaplain interrupted this stream of blasphemy
you shouldn't speak like that, friend Then he
handed the man packet Of cartridges, adding
49, Don T curse them. Shoot them, shoot them' -
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1905-06-19
INTERNATIONAL SUNSHINE SOCIETY
"A DIvIS ON

STATE OFFICERS,
President, Mrs. Noble barrow, SIC Twenty $50
md avenue 8, Minneapolis.
First Vice President-Mrs. Grace W. Tubbs.
Second Vice President-Mrs. j. A. Brant.
Third Vice President-Mrs. N. A. Sprons.
Fourth Vice President-Mrs. J. F, Wilson.
Fifth Vice President-Mrs. E. W. Kingsley.
Sixth Vice Pre:ident-Mrs. O. H. Fleming.
Secretaray-Miss Corinne De Laittre.
Treasurer, Miss Eva Blanchard.
Corresponding secretary-Mrs. A. A. selssf.
organizer-Mias Lillian II. Ellis.
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1905-06-19
The Steak Wasn't High Enough.

%~ HERE is feud between the who
~@-@ lives in the fifth layer of Harlem apart
@1M ment house and the who lives
the fiat above Their apartments
SA@ssAagx@ nected by the dumbwaiter and sepa-
rated by gulf infinitely deeper. One
Thursday afternoon the the fifth floor heard her
dumbwaiter whistle blow. The maid, Of course out
The butcher boy called up say that the meat the
dumbwaiter Mrs. Fifth Floor had ordered anything
but she had told her husband steak She put
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1905-06-19
INTERNATIONAL HEADQUARTERS.

INTERNATIONAL HEAUGuAKTEKb
96 Fifth avenue, New York. Cynthia West.
over Alden. founder and president general.
MINNESOTA HEADQUARTERS.
Room "a, Loan and Trust building, 313 Nicoi.
1895.
AL Sunshine news for publication in the Sun
shine department Of The Minneapolis Journal
should be addressed to Mrs. Theodore Haynes.
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1905-06-19
4 String Of Good Stories.
"A GOOD AID.
cannot ton how the truth may be;
say the tale ~ twas said to mo"


DRIVATE JOHN ALLEN takes deep interest in the ad-
vertising business Advertisements that he deems ex-
ceptonay good he clips and pastes in scrapbook AS
he showing this scrapbook to guest oe day. he said
But the best ad know of is here For it WASH
written but spoken It earned its originator thousands
and description fails to do it justice
cit the work of cothier in Nashville. He had,
with his partner the first establishment town. the
business prosperous The two had married sisters and
their relationship than friendly Hence the great
est surprise overlook Nashville when the junior partner sud-
denly took out and hailed the senior court
" The senior partner is running the business gossip
said He is getting softenng of the brain, paresis
something Of that sort Now the height Of the spring
when they ought to be making money hand s
but the seniors cracked methods spelling everything
$50 all Nashville took tremendous interest in the case
and the morning it called the crowded
as in murder trial.
'tThe junior partners complaint presented strongly
and directly He wanted injunction restrain the senior
from selling below COST He showed that goods being
sacrificed at fraction Of their value and he asked that this
runous trading be stopped, lest ruin
"The defendants lawyer, able fellow secured an
adjournment for three weeks.
partner gave loud groan He ]eaped his feet and
rushed out like one demented, shouting he went:
'Mercful heavens, then the sacrifice still -
IT don need to tell you how much business that firm did
in the three weeks.''