The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1905-05-09
NRoF. RICHARD GARNER. the
. eminent scientist who went forth

~ eminent scientist VINO went forth
into the jungles of Africa,
equipped with cage and great deter
mination to learn the monkey language,
has been heard from after two years.
Professor Garner is still studying mon
xese," but it is needless TO say that his
letter to friend in old England was
written in the conventional tongue OF
John Bull. That is an interesting expert
ment being made by Professor Garner,
and he was given a deal of exploitation
when he first announced his theory of a
Simian language. While the world won't
be any better off after we have learned
to converse with monkeys-that is jungle
monkeys-and the usages of polite society
will not be helped a bit by the introduce
ton of real monkey discourse we might
thus ask about the missing link. If the
monkey questioned is old enough he might
be able to impart some valuable informa-
ton anent a parsonage who has given
science much trouble. We await with
eommendable interest the appearance of
Professor Gamers first monkey gram
mar.
~ 10 amusing 10 HOlB THAT I0e
seal of the University of Chicago. which
is soon to be selected. will not bear the
conventional lamp of knowledge. 1t Is
feared that this symbol would be too
strongly reminiscent of Standard Oil. The
resultant howl which would follow the
adoption of such a figure would daunt
even the University of Chicago. 1t ap-
pears that DR.. Harper's institution is not
making any bones about tainted mon
ey,' but shrinks from being ridculed for
advertising the Rockefeller brand of oil
OVERHEARD BY THE KEEPER.
Said the elephant to the kangaroo,
AS he gave him gentle thump,
/ believe you lead the strenuous life,
You are always on the jump"
Judging from a sample letter given out
by Miss Mae Wood and purporting to
have been written by Senator T. c. Plat,
the alleged correspondence between the
two is of a highly diverting character.
Mae may be a fraud, but she is well
versed in the art of publicity.
In list of the country's richest men,
compiled by Henry Clews, 1t is noticeable
that only four millionaires, or multi
millionaires-John d. Rockefeller, Andrew
Carnegie, William Waldorf Astor and
Marshall Field-have fortunes running to
nine figures The rest have from a paltry
$S0,0O0,000 down to a scant s: 100000 The
100000 and Carnegie comes next with $780,
10000 and Carnegie comes next with $685.
100000, after having given away s115, 000,-
0O0 Among the men who have a million
dollars and over there are so many who
are comparatively obscure that they do
not merit counting. A glance at list of
the best known millionaires In the United
States gives one a comfortable assurance
of our power in the world of finance, both
high and legitimate
A "hoodoo' doctor has just been fined
s1S and it is a question whether the Judge
was trying to break" the "hoodoo" or
the doctor.
THE PRESIDENT DEPARTS
Now darkness descends on mountain and
plain
And the varmints revel with might and
main.
To fair Colorado sweet peace has re-
turned
And grizzlies disport where the camp fire
burned.
Though the victims of Teddy will number
but ten
The case is much better than 1t might
have been.
Old Boreas came forth with q stout
helping hand
And soon chilled the marrow Of the Pres
idents band,
Had not this assistance been cheerfully
rendered
The bear population would have surely
surrendered.
A great career awaits Skip" He is
not destined to shine in the halls of Con-
xuiI bo ha in avid Of