davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1905-10-29

figgerin'. Figgerin' is gift, mateyi
A man tibet can fgger can do mos any
thing with fggers, an man tibet can 1
can't be no admiral on the INSURANCE
ship. By an by, with application, y
can fggers yerself the papa of the cre1
an make them all dimmycrats d
Roosevelts. Yer responsibilities vii
weigh on we, an if We ain keerful
will squeeze the stickpins out of yd
raiment. -
ssBut bout them syndercates, To-day.
tDod dingle, syndercates is jint al
counts an jint accounts is synde1
cates.'
"Whet becomes O. them plugs9o
ssNow We hev struck good pint.
it war known whar all them plugs wen
it wouldn It be insurance. If the pres
dent knew it wouldn't be insurance
or if the vice president knew or th
directors or the presidents cousins ar
the vice president IS cousins or the d
rectors' cousins. Each gent mus jus
know a Gttle-thet's corporation.
"Whet can they do with them, an,
how9"
ttNuthin - said T. Jones. "Don,
you dubs get yoursa Whet more did y
sign fer9 AM amt / president thu
says sos'-New York Times.
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1905-10-29
The king answered my unspoken

The king answered my unspoken
doubts.
Gin ten days the cardinals will en-
ter the conclave, each with a single
attendant, and the door will be walled
up, not to be reopened until Christen-
dom again has a pope. 1t is necessary
for you to be inside that walled-up
door,
81 must enter in the character Of at
tendant to one Of the cardinals
exclaimed.
"You must enter as the servant Of
Cardinal Salvatierra, /" his majesty de-
clared.
I frowned slightly. It seemed to me
that my employer, in his enthusiasm,
was going a little too fast. I did not
like having so much arranged for me
in advance. This Cardinal Salvatierra,
who was he; and in what way had he
come to lend himself to the purpose OF
the king Of Italy7
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1905-10-29

tWhet pretty rookie to be sure, an I
do hopes yer parents hev the charts
fixed up all right if We air called away
to Davy Jones. Them appendicitis an ,
ricketts, is ragin' fierce in the next vii
lage. Thet pore Grogan boy he war
dead las week. an no money in the
house ter bury him. elf I only had
Sc 'zed the benefits Of civilization an
insured him. his pore mother said to
me-
"D'ye know thet little Grogan war
as happy an lively as yer own rookie
las weekq Them gastritis took him
sudden an it war all over in a night.
Tibet Teller would go on an chin bout
sudden death an aristocratic diseases
till the pore wimmin folks used ter
hitch painters onto his bow lines fer
fear he would escape without insurin
them. Thet Teller war whet I call the
firing line of the sharpshooters of in
surance. Away back war the battle
ships achasin' the merchantmen with
thirteen inchers of argument.
Nowadays we begin as a little boy
an get handed deck order like this:
Dear Bill: You want yours. Write
fgger;'
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1905-10-29
Pearson Publishing Co.


negotiate in friendly and liberal spirit
for the settlement Of the differences
between the papacy and the king
DOM
burden Of the triple CROWN replied,
with affected simplicity, "by causing
your own supporters to accede to any
one Of the other candidates"
.EYou mean to Cardinal Sarto,' his
eminence retorted. "You do not sup
pose that my friends would elect a
Dominican or franciscan puppeta Let
me warn you, my dear Signor Luigi,
or Monsieur v, that the cardinal
on whom your master places his rell-
ance is not strong enough to carry out
the reconciliation you desire. Giuseppe
Sarto is a saint, not a statesman"
I felt there was some truth in this
warning, but I had my instructions
and I could not in this case look be-
You'd them. I promised to weigh his
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1905-10-29

rs 4 + < L -. 4
Of votes, and fell short Of the requisite
two-thirds majority. Then realizing
that the jealousy Of his great powers
was too strong to be overcome, he re-
tired from the contest.
This left the field open to the two
rival mendicant orders. Their nominees,
whom I think it more respectful not to
name, polled vote for vote, but neither
could command anything like the num-
Der of suffrages required.
It appeared likely that the conclave
would last some time. In the second
ballot I was surprised to find that a
fair number Of votes was given to my
supposed master. Cardinal Salvatierra
appeared equally surprised, and a lit
tie annoyed by this circumstance.
wish they would ignore me-" he
dinner finley know ' am not ann pos nis
BILE pope, and they will injure me with
the successful candidate.
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1905-10-29

rivals, and con-
WINGED the most worldly minded Of the
electors that they had involuntarily
made the right choice.
Salvatierra was the first to offer the
kiss Of homage to his new sovereign.
His eminence's parting words to nv
self as we quilted the conclave made
me fear that my triumph was more ap-
parent that real.
"You have chosen the white pope,
Monsieur v. It remains to see how
you will fare at the hands of the black
pope.'
He returned to his palace and his Gu
riosities, to all appearance we'll con-
tented to resume his role of harmless
antiquary.
But I did not doubt that full
report Of all that had passed would be
laid at once before the formidable per-
sonage with whose opposition he had
threatened me.
In villa a short distance outside the
walls Of Rome resides an ascetic re-
cluse, never seen in any public cere.
monies, visited only from time to time
by few quietly dressed priests and lay
men, to all appearance as insignificant as
himself. This is the black pope-in
other words, the general Of the com
pany Of Jesus.
Very soon after the election of Plus
K. applied for and obtained a private
interview with his holiness.
My previous connection with the Sc.
cret service Of the vatican rendered this
easy.
To no one but the holy father him.
self did I intend to reveal my character
as the agent of Victor Emmanuel II.
So great was my veneration for the
vicar Of Christ, so intense my admira-
ton for the personal character of the
new pope, that I had determined never
to confess to his holiness the part which
I had played in his election, lest his
wrath should fall upon me in conse-
AS I knelt before Plus K. in the
small and simply furnished room in
which he had chosen to install himself
I saw his eye fall on me with an ex.
preston Of pity and curiosity.
You do well to kneel, my son, the
holy father said, in a low, gentle voice
"You have erred very grievously.'
I looked up in establishment. Plus K
pointed to a small table which stood be-
side his chair.
What do You see theres'' he asked
preserving the same tone Of mild re
proof.
I glanced at the table, and beheld g
portion of railway ticket.
"When I left Venice fortnight ago
I took a return ticket" the pope con
tinued. 'EWhat you see is the halt
which I am never going to use. Take it
It will be souvenir for you, and may
remind you to beware of the vanity Of
meddling in spiritual concerns
Amazed by this form of address,
rose from my knees, and respectfully
possessed myself Of the precious keep
sake, which I thrust into my inmost
pocket.
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1905-10-29

an d had obtained
pledges from the few cardinals had
won over. There was no election, and
Salvatierra returned to his cell, unable
to conceal his modification.
Luigi" he said to me that night,
!" you have seen hiw things are going.
Against my will I "a am n destined to re-
?eve the tiara This places zo us both both
done your best to serve the per-
sonage who desired me to take you
into my service, and it is not your fault
that you have failed to secure the cleo
ton Of a pro-Italian cardinal. Now I
can place it in your power to achieve
the same end by another means. If
you will give me the kings votes in
the next ballot, I will pledge myself to
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1905-10-29

the pension which
has been refused, and to exercise my
power of veto over legislation in ODE
dience- to the pope's directions, In
to govern Italy as the deputy Of the
holy see.'
I listened with deep emotion to the
noble young king as he unfolded his
scheme, a scheme in which it was evil
dent that he intended himself to be
the sacrifice which would procure
certain difficulties in the way. The
Successors Of st. Peter, in modern times
at all events, had been accustomed to
rule over their limited dominions as
absolute monarchs. Was 1t to be hoped
that they would consent to accept
constitutional authority in exchange,
even tho that authority extended over
the whole PENINSULA IS
Yet the See Of Rome, as suzeratn Of
Italy, would be able to re-enter the
field of international politics as great
power. Alliances might follow which
would place the pope in the position Of
president over great CATHOLIC league
embracing Austria, Spain, Portugal,
to Say nothing Of tie powerful lever,
age which the church was able to exer
else over the policy of semi Catholic
powers, such as Germany Great Brit
ain and the United States.
"Carried away by these dazzling
visions, I exclaimed aloud
II believe in your majesty! f only
King Victor flushed with qualification
at my outburst.
trust to you,' he announced. n have
made careful inquiries, and I believe
there is one cardinal who, if he were
elected, would be likely to welcome my
overtures.'
"And his name, sire9"
s Hoard dt H.s sart9, the patriaroh-areh
NY face fell: I had scarcely heard
Certainly he was not among those car
dinals-the Papabili, as they are
termed-whose candidature was taken
seriously by the ecclesiastical politi-
els Cardinal Sarto possible candi-
date. sire7' I ventured to object.
"You must make him so,' King
Victor said earnestly. IT rely on you
to secure his election"
Attic not lacking in self confidence,
Apart from my scruples as Catholic
far it was lawful for. layman to in:
terfere in a papal election Idoubted
my power to influence the choice of the
sacred college in the short time at my
disposal.
s'In ten days from now the conclave
will begin.' I mnrmured refectively
ct know it, broke in Victor EN-.
manuel 81 want YOU to be present in
the conclave as my secret AGENT
I trembled. The secrecy Of the con.
clave is guarded with the greatest care
: In what way could I possibly gain ad.
mission to the private deliberations of
the cardinals9
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1905-10-29

+; ::;'; 3; 81 :.
weekly mind-meeting Of the
survivors of nautical consciences at the
navy yard yesterday. He looked at
"Toddy' Jones, who makes pretense
to learning, his father being a horse
doctor.
I'm all hove to on a mind vo'age,'
explained Bill. & Tween chews I ha'
been astudin this thing an IN iigful
of B. Q. U.'s and p. IS and jinted ac-
counts, and all this high-falutin josh
till. dod-dingle, I'm groggy in the fore
top
Old Man Barometer O'Brien stopped
forecasting cold waves by virtue Of his
bum jintso to vouchsafe, "Ye've
company, Bill. It. problem of ife.'
sIt's shanghaiing other people s
DOODLE" said Gloryhole Charlie.
Mr.. Jones caressed his trousers to
make sure his legs were in them, and
then coughed like a tugboat towing a
deck-laden barge.
Insurance, said Teddy, is not fer
plain men to dinkle with. Thar's a
fleet of dedicated land admirals over in
Moo Yo'k tryin ter find out whet it is
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1905-10-29

GAS far as am concerned" Victor
Emmanuel went on, Hthere is no sacri-
fee am not prepared to make, even
to the laying down Of my crown, in or
See and to establish goed relations 81 be
tween the church and the nation. But
[ need not say that I can do nothing
by myself. Unless I can succeed in
carrying the parliament and the people
with me, should simply make things
worse than they are at present.
His majesty paused for minute and
then resumed, watching my face anx-
iously.
81 have been seeking for years for
some means Of appeasing the holy
father that would not be rejected by
the secular politicians. And the plan
which has developed itself in my mind
is this: .s,...
"In the middle ages, perhaps need
not remind you, the popes enjoyed but
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1905-10-29
Knelt on Loue Letters at Marriage Ceremony

A new use has been discovered for
love letters. The discovery was made
in dear old Virginia, home Of love and
beauty. Miss Bessie Lietch Wyatt and
John W. jerks were the principal fig
ures in a June wedding at Lynchburg.
They decided on an innovation in the
usual bridal ceremonial. They had been
not meet to tell each other, over and
over again, the same sweet cid stery
first whispered in heaven and borne by
angelic voices to earth, they wrote.
They wrote many loving epistles, and
they kept their love letters. When a
day passed without a letter from her
John the faithful Miss Bessie just fell
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1905-10-29

"Does tho cardinal enjoy your ma
jesty's confdence?'' I asked dryly.
"Not in the sense that you do, Mon
sieur V--,' the king answered.
"Salvatierra is one of the ornamental
members Of the college. He is a
scholar and antiquarian, not church
man or politician. His collection of
intaglios is said to be the finest in
Rome.'
Inlay I venture to ask how much
his eminence has been told7'
"Only that I desire the election Of
a pope who will be well disposed to-
wards Italy. It has always heen Gus
tomary for the sacred college to re-
ceive representations from the Catholic
powers of their views and wishes on
the subject Of papal election. The only
irregularity in this case is that, as the
Italian kingdom is not recognized by
tho papacy, I can only communicate
with the college Indirectly.
/ listened to his, majesty with con-
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1905-10-29

front Of the altar. On these pillows
for kneeling stools they inclined to
exchange vows and to receive the bless
ing of the church. The ceremony COM
pleted, the pillows were transferred to
the newly made home, and there shall
bold place Of honor.
for love letters is to "burn after read
ing.'' But if they are to be kept the
pillow idea is not bad one. Lovelorn
maidens may then come to the happy
young bride and ask her to be
Hshown.o She won a husband by epis-
tolary adroitness, why not they if they
just knew how7
louisville Herald.
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1905-10-29

erected for the accommodation Of each
cardinal.
The occupation Of these tiny COM
be UNDERSTOOD 1s m that ee experieniced sem W
sation of uneasy surprise on finding that
Cardinal Salvatierra had obtained the
cubicle adjoining that Of the patriarch
Of Venice.
] do not feel myself at liberty to vio-
late the secrecy Of the conclave by re-
lating infinitely the steps which I took
to secure support for Cardinal Sarto.
I obtained few votes in the first bal
lot, but not enough to afford any prom
Use Of ultimate success.
Cardinal Rampolla struck his first and
last blow. He polled his full number
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1905-10-29

on her reserve heap Of amatory epistles
and there collected warmth and inspir-
alton enough to sustain her till the next
post arrived with John s welcome fresh
protestations of love and worship.
John had, = of course, his hours Of
transitory sadness. The old letters of
When the day was fixed for the we'd
ding the happy bride-elect had all the
letters encased in two white satin pill
lows, the size Of which indicated a
courtship Of untiring epistelary indus
try.
These satin pillows were on the we'd
ding day brought up the church aisle
before the happy couple and laid in
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1905-10-29

I said nothing, but an idea was al
ready terminating in my mind. Be
fore the next scrutiny I waited with
the utmost secrecy upon the two cardi-
mails who were managing the election on
behalf Of the Dominicans and Francis
cans respectively.
To each Of their eminences I said
practically the same thing.
t'You cannot succeed in carrying
your nominee. Neither cam your RI
walls. Meanwhile the Jesuits are Sc
cretly preparing to gather in the scat
tered votes and concentrate them on
their own candidate.
"Who is that7" was the eager ques-
ton received in each case.
"You will see in the next scrutiny.
Unless you stand firm, and refuse to
accede, you will have Jesuit pope.'
This threat was necessary, because
when a candidate obtains so large a
proportion Of votes as to make his cleo
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1905-10-29

ClOu 6ccul CCI Gdln tG
the next ballot, it is
a very usual thing
for the supporters
Of the beaten candi-
dates to 90 over at
nee, in order to
have the credit Of
voting for the new
pope.
The next scrutiny
W as taken. T h e
name Of Salvatierra
came out high upon
t h Q list, wanting
only four votes Of
the two-thirds ma
:jority. The Fran
ciscan and Domini-
can cardinals stood
firm. But the un.
suspecting A &c b.
bishop Of Venice,
who did not dream
that his own can
Gdature was any
thing but a side
maneuver, earnestly
implored his own
few supporters to
acce d 9 to Saliva
terra, and t h u s
complete the cleo
ton Of a pope.
Fortunately I had
H.
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1905-10-29

ceive you tonight" the porter Informed
me. IA case Of exquisite canoes Of
untold value has just arrived for his
collection--a gift from some great per-
sonaage, I believe; and his eminence is
I had my own suspicion as to the
source Of this truly regal offering, and
felt more than ever uneasy as to the
lawfulness Of my proceedings.
However, it was not long before a
message came down that was to 20 up
and wait upon his eminence at once.
[ found the cardinal absorbed in the
inspection Of his newly arrived treas
ures: Holding a delicate camel 's-hair
brush in one hand, he was going over
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1905-10-29

the best, bein yerselves, an the profits
is powerful.
tsWhen I war boy thar war
melody sort o. Teller with fgger-
head like morgue hatch an walk
like taps tibet used ter go aroun the
countryside pattin little rockies on
the head an sayin', melancholy like,
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1905-10-29

friend G1oryhole in it. He hollers he's
a jeweler an sells them pins to You
intelligent gents, an ;, Glory an mese1f
an the vice president and the directors
an me cousins an their cousins an
the other OFFICERS cousins divvy up
the sp ills. Thar ain t no risk, not a
dodo Of it, fer dy see me securities are
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1905-10-29

q LII 1lCACC . WI SISs
and retired to sound
the feeling Of the
conclave.
I found that the
election was already
" j r tuallv decided.
T b Q extraordinary
leap upward Of Sal
vatierra, following
on my warning, had
convinced the two
mendicant orders Of
their danger. They
had communicated
their own fears and
suspicious to t b Q
rest Of the college,
and the fatal whis-
per -" the Jesuit
candidate' - had
already run round
the conclave. The
two orders having
agreed to withdraw
t b 9 ir champions,
there remained only
one candidate in the
field.
At the next bal
lot Cardinal Sarto,
the nominee of the
excommuni G a t e d
king Of Italy. was
t r i u m p b a n t l y
elected pope.
T b @ amazement
Of the sanity pre-
late, who had re-
manned in profound
ignorance of t b @
whole Of the nego-
tiations and in,
trigues, softened the
hearts of ouan his
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1905-10-29

them gilt-edge securities. But I goes
inter jint account with Bill here, an
l gives him the plugs an he goes
aroun the barracks a-tradin' them.
Now, pint one-I wear the stickpins fer
safe keepin', an Bill sports the but
tons. When I gets enough pins I or
ganlze another company an puts me
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1905-10-29

ul1SSAVuS. L WIS
m o re than a little
afraid Of the guilt
I might be incur
ring by entering the
conclave. At t h e
S a m 9 time I told
myself that Cardi-
nal Salvatierra had
a right to introduce
whom he pleased as
his attendant; and
if he was satisfied
to take me, it was
not for me to raise
objections.
-. After some fur
Their converse t / o II
with his majesty, l
retired to a hotel
a n d o f f 9 6 t g d a
transfo r m a t i o n
which gave me the
appearance of a re-
spectacle u D p e r
servant, such as a
steward or valet, in
an italian no b | e
family. Thus at
tired, I made my
way round to the
Salvatierra Palace,
a n d sent up my
name to his emf
ence as Jacopo
Luigi.
~ doubt if his
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1905-10-29

b SCauLy auCuOT1Cy
in the Roman states.
Their authority was
defied by the usurp-
ing barons, and even
in the city Of Rome
they frequently saw
authority exercised
by the senate and
people. Yet at the
very same epoch
they were welding
tremendous powers
over Europe; they
W ere able to de-
throne emperors; a
king Of England
laid down his crown
a t t h Q feet Of q
papal legate; a nd
the kings Of Naples
acknowledged t h Q
suzerainty Of the
popes by an annual
tribute. -
I began to see
what was coming,
and t 9 s t fled my
q d m l r a ton by a
glance.
ct propos sc"
King Victor sa ! d
! m p + essively, Ito
a 6 k n o W ledge the
holy father as the
suzerain Of the Ital-
ian kingdom. I am
prepared to lay my
crown at his feet,
an d to receive it
again as his gift. I
propose to hold my
self as the vassal Of
his holiness, to pay
a tribute, instead Of
Ahn ~onninn -h3ah
The independent. [volume] (Lincoln, Neb.) 1902-1907, 1905-12-14
Suggestions For Single Takers

Lexington, Ind, Nov 9-Tos the Editor OF
The Independent: If you will kindly give me
npace / would like to have word with single
takers. 1t is my opinion that it would be nec-
essary to reduce the legal rate of interest on
money and all evidence Of debt before the single
tax plan would operate successfully and justly.
Many farms are mortgaged for more than the
appraisement for taxes. Reduce the rate OF in
terest on the mortgage and double the tax on the
land and the farmer will have a balance in his
favor. ! suppose that the several states when
fixing legal rate of interest have reckoned
higher rate on account of the tax to be paid
on money and other evidences of debt.
qHe There is another item of expense that the
single tax plan might greatly reduce, that is in
making assessment of all property once a
year 1t is not necessary to appraise land more
than once in four years and 1t requires less than
half the time to appraise the land that it re-
quires to assess the personal property. The
single tax plan would save the taxpayers seven
eghths Of this expense. Still another item-we
might reduce part of the work and expense Of
the county treasurer and auditor
| would like some who is well informed
to make an estimate of the benefit the single tax
would give the taxpayers along the lines / have
mentioned.