Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1905-01-07


wHooPING GREAT BIG WAR wHooPs.
claims to be a Montana terror out on a
vacation for his health, and it is his
nightly practice to walk up and down
Apache avenue firing his guns and
whooping great big war whoops. If he
tries it once more his honor will walk
up to him and wreck him at one
wrench and sell his guns.
Last week while this paper was tenn
porarily left in charge of the horse ed
itor he inserted an item to the effect
that we had gone over to Phenix to
capture a $4,000 widow. We beg to
announce that our horse editor was
wrong. The $4,000 widow turned out
to be a plain, everyday widow, with
less than $500 hidden away in an old
teapot on the top shelf Of the pantry.
We had no proposition to make. We
are straight business The drop from
$4,000 to $3S6.50 was a little too much
for u.s.
The great Nineteenth Century ORA
matte company was billed for two
nights here last week, but failed to
are entitled to six free tickets to any
show. AS owner of the only hall in
town we are usually given a dozen.
AS mayor we are never complimented
with less than twenty. The agent Of
tue above organization attempted to
stand us off with pass for two. and
the result was that the house didn't
open. If theatrical companies can do
business in this way we shall not COM
plain. 1t has always been our aim to
uphold the dignity of the press, and
we shall continue right in that line,
no matter whose feelings are hurt
His honor the mayor (who is our
self wishes us to announce the fact
that his Office has never been supplied
with a copy of the riot act and that
in case of mob gathering to do mis-
chief no act can be read. 1t is well
for our citizens to remember this mat
ter. There will be no waiting on the
part of his honor, as is usually the
case, but within fifteen seconds after
the mob has been commanded to dis
perse. he will be right down in the
ground with both feet and moving
right and left.
We understand that a jury of cow
boys over in Cinch valley, who were
called upon to act in the case of a
stranger found dead about week ago,
returned verdict that he came to
his death while fooling with a gun.
While nothing is said as to who the
gun belonged to, the verdict is a SEN
sible one. Instead of throwing any
additional mystery over the case, it
makes it plain that he was riding off
on four-year-0ld mule which didn't
belong to him.
Three weeks ago Major Callahan re-
turned from trip to Oregon and,
meeting us on the street, presented us
with the lower half Of human ear as
relic for our cabinet. 1t was former
~ owned by an Oregon man named
Washburne. He quarreled with the
major In stagecoach, and the major
sliced him. Day before yesterday Mr..
Washburne walked into the Kicker
office, and the first thing he saw was
his missing ear in a bottle of alcohol
along with ella grasshopper four
inches long. His errand was to reclaim
his property. Some men would have
rushed in and begun whooping and
shooting, but we found Mr. Washburne
perfect gentleman. He had travelled
several hundred miles to secure that
relic and offered $40 for it. We re-
moved 1t from the jar, washed it in
cold water and presented it to him with
our compliments. He was profuse in
his thanks, and we must say that we
have not had more pleasant call for
year. If any one ever slices his other
ear, we hope to get hold of the relic for
the pleasure it will give us to restore
it after it has been well picked.
M. QUAD.