davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-09-29
JOURNAL ENTRIES

It's good thing Norway didn't ask
for alimony along with the divorce or
there would sure have been trouble.
The lid is just bound to come off
soon-the straw lid.
The telegraph dispatches must have
been mistaken in reporting the home
coming of NJ. Witte: Nothing was said
about his kissing all the other men.
This is the time of year when the
sun gets like the rest of us-a little
slow about getting up in the morning.
A learned professor has defined a
college education as "a Transformation
from an indefinite. incoherent homo
geneity to definite, coherent homo
geneity by a series of differentiations. -
Now everybody will be more anxious
than ever to get two or three of them.
Let US be thankful that Russia sent
NJ. Witte over here as her peace pleni-
potentiary instead of NJ. Wyschnegrad-
sky, who met him at the depot on his
return.
It's really astonishing what a fine
examination for entrance into college
a comparatively ignorant young man
can pass if he happens to be good ma
terial for the football team.
savoyard, in the Washington Post
says: ''The world forgets that one
Michael Angelo. one Beethoven. one
Cervantes, one Shakespeare. one Mo-
liere, is worth more to civilization than
a hundred victories like Waterloo. or
Sedan, or Yorktown. or Gettysburg.
Garrick was worth more to England
than Coutts' Bank, and Balzac was
more to France than Rothschild.' If
this is true. think how much more a
poet like DR.. Roby is worth to Topeka
than q warrior like General Hughes =
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-09-29
QUAKER REFLECTIONS.
[From the PhiladeIphia Record.

~I11 u
Useless thievery is exempIified in
the fellow who would steal kiss
when the girl is perfectly willing to
give him one.
Before woman asks her husband
to beat the carpet, and wants him to
make a good job of it, she should get
him good and mad.
Here's an article in the pa
per about a book agent who was run
over by an automobile Wagg@"I'I
bet 1t put the auto out of commission. -
Mrs Buggins-s"The new rnilkn1an
says he used to keep a billiard room. >
Mr.. Buggins-sWeII,e guess he must
have had a lot of chalk left over
The melancholy days have come,
The saddest of the year
When parodies like this one, gIum,
Most frequently appear.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-09-29
REFLECTIONS OF a BACHELOR

IF'rom the New York Press.J
Families wear out in generations,
races in centuries; but the evils which
do it never wear out.
A girl had rather have poor com
plexion than to be caught getting
kissed to improve it.
It does seem as if it would be very
easy for a large family to support one
man; but it is always the other way
round.
If a girl had any reasoning power
she would know it was her own fault
if she has a dimDle that makes a man
want to kiss it.
A woman kind of feels she hasn't
done her duty if her boy doesn't look
like his father and she is afraid for
his morals If he DIES
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-09-29
Hard Luck.

Talking about hard luck. I have
never heard anything that compares
with the misfortune that overlook Ma
lone Joyce in New York last Christ
mas" declared Charlie Miles, of the
Milwaukee road. Joyce, you know,
represents the Colorado Midland in
Southern California. He was in New
York last Christmas, and wandered
into the new Astor hotel for dinner
The cafe was in holiday attire, and
there was a long table laden with ap-
petizing Iuxuries and delicacies that
would have made a feast of Lucullus
look like coffee and doughnuts. When
Joyce entered the cafe the head waiter
invited him to inspect the wonderful
display; but it made his mouth water
and filled his soul with regret. So he
cut it short, sat down at table and
ordered mutton chops. When he was
through with his meal he summoned
the waiter and asked for check
There is no charge said the
waiter. This is Christmas and every
thing is free
And Joyce had passed up all of the
good things and eaten mutton chops
He says he'll regret those mutton
chops to the end of his days''-San
Francisco Chronicle.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-09-29
ADVICE FROM CHICAGO.

Topeka, Kan, proposes to hold
worlds fair in 1911. in celebration of the
ffftieth anniversary of the admission of
the state to the Union It is proposed
to expend 1000 600 on the exposition,
and IL the worlds sair feature of it
could be drocoed it would doubtless
prove beneficial to Kansas and the west
Chicago Inter-Ocean.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-09-29

Says the Chicago Journal: kansas
Is indulging in a vain hope if it thinks
Z can have a worlds sair without a
German village; also, if it thinks it
an have q German village without
beer" That shows that the esteemed
Chicago Journal doesn't know as much
Is it would if it lived in Kansas. What's
he matter with Turner garden and
hon tea?
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-09-29

in New York asylum; another story
about another Kimme1 in connection
with baseball matters; and dispatch
announcing big railroad wreck at
Kimmel, Ind. KimnleI is a rather un-
usual name, but it has appeared in
other connections also during the past
few davS
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-09-29
K AMSAy CONNENT
SOME COMMENTS


The discovery of a boom in the pos
session of Mr.. J. r. Burrow, secretary
of state, for the Republican guberna-
torial nomination next year merely con-
firms the Herald's statement frequent
sly asserted since the noise over state
politics has been making itself heard.
The men who are after Hoch with
the determined purpose to .sdo" him are
the men who esta bIEshed the revolution
against Bailey in Hoch's behalf. Mr..
Stubs senatorial boom has driven him
into an alliance with Hoch. and the
same influence has persuaded the
Moses of the reform movement to
take back most of the iInpetuous things
he said about the governor in news
paper interviews a short time ago. But
with this conspicuous exception-and
this is an alliance of personal interest
and not sentiment-the men who
brought Hoch out are seeking another
change, while the men who stood by
Bailey are insisting on a fair show for
the governor, with a chance to make
good.-Ottawa Herald.
If
A Topeka paper says that Tom Kelly
ernor Hoch for denomination. This is
probably true, but if Governor Hoch
will just give some evidence of having
a spinal column Tom Kelly's efforts
will be futile.-Concordia Blade.
JAPANESE AND DEMOCRATS.
The japanese war party is still adopt
ing ringing protests against the peace
treaty, but since the peace treaty is al
ready signed and the war has ended,
the protests have little weight. About
the same as a Democratic convention
platfrom in Kansas.-Salina Journal.
WORRYING.
We often wonder what is to become
of this land of the free and the home
of the brave. Do our readers know that
the public schools of the east do not
teach the children of srich' people. Ihe
public schools of many eastern states
are considered to be the exclusive pro-
perty of poor people. Do our readers
know that the voters in a number OF
eastern states have surrendered TO
the octopus" and are today declaring
that if this country is to be saved from
saved by the bounding, booming, bloom
ing west? Do our readers know that
the dividing line between the rich ana
the poor in the east is wider, deeper
and more pronounced" than it is in
any of the countries. of Europe? And
do our readers know that conditions in
the east are such that the supreme
control of state and city governments
is today in the hands of a few persons,
sought to be made to obtain control
of the government? Ell Dorado Repub-
lican.
ONE WAY IT WORKED.
The argument is always made that
if a man must drink. he should do his
drinking at home. That is what Cap
tain Taggart did, and you know what
appened.-Atchison Globe.
n Z
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-09-29

A Michigan woman of seventeen has
become the mother of triplets This
ought to entitle her to a good office in
he congress of mothers, but she won't
get 1t. She will be so busy taking care
pr her offsprings as they grow up that
she will have no time to attend the
congress, and the Office will probably
30 to some old maid.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-09-29

Hall Caine has concluded not to
write a novel about the American mil
ionaire. He had doubtless discovered
hat so much fiction has already been
written about that individual that an
5ther novel dealing with him will at
Iract no attention.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-09-29

The Chicago News suggests that as a
nucleus for our worlds fair, kansas
already has Senator Burton and the
Eaw river But in 1911 we will not
have Burton as senator, and we will
-ry to keep the Kaw from attempting
any of its special stunts at that time.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-09-29

d Ewing Herbert announces that he
s7i1 be a candidate for congress if.
'uhis should really have been printed in
|khe joke column.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-09-29

Roosevelt beat Parker two to one in
/ electoral votes and now Parker beats
Roosevelt in salary in Just that ratio
| Boston Herald.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-09-29

Now the charge is made that sau-
sages are adulteratedt Can you imag-
Ene what could be put into sausage to
sdulterate it?
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-09-29

Bears are coming out of the woods
and interfering with people in Duluth
but they are not the same variety that
sometimes makes trouble on LaSalle
street in Chicago.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-09-29

You will notice that the Chinese did
mot boycott Miss Roosevelt. The world
cannot boycott the American girl. al
Though she sometimes gets boy-caught.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-09-29

Just as like as not in the next cam
spaign the insurance companies will be
compelled to slip around behind the
campaign committees and sneak their
contributions in when the committees
are not looking.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-09-29

The Los Angeles Express suggests
that the packers may claim that they
had their fingers crossed when they
aid it. Well. let them serve a few Jail
fsentences the same way.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-09-29

It is very kind of the Washington
correspondents to determine just what
President Roosevelt will have in his
message It will save the president so
much trouble.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-09-29

Il IA Kansas exchange speaks Of ante
nrohibition days. They happened a
good while ago. Since then we have
rad anti-prohibition days.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-09-29

ANDREW Hamilton refuses to tell all
about the 100000 check he got from the
New York Life for prudential rea-
sons" What's the use of dragging in
another insurance company?
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-09-29
IT'S UTILITY.

Judge Parker's income since he was
defeated for president is said to be
thirty thousand dollars a year from his
increased law practice. But this sum
hardly EQUALS what Mr.. Bryan made
out of it, 1t is not difficult to see why
Democrats desire the nomination for
president Many failure. makes a
rich man-Salina Journal.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-09-29

i THE shock of those fines was pretty
hard on the packers, but they will
|doubtless recover with the help of an
advance in the price OF beef.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-09-29

"a Tammany leader has coined the
phrase, honest graft That is the
kind you get. Dishonest graft is what
'St is when the other fellow gets it.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-09-29

I ssWhy not exclude the Irish as well
as the Chinese?'' asks an eastern lee
|eurer. But what would New York and
Chicago do for policemen then?
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-09-29
CREATING a DEMAND.

Colonel Dowie must be considering
the addition Of a toy store to the in
dustries CO Zion, hence his order for
more new babies.-New York CONNER
cial.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-09-29

Governor Hoch went through with
the farce" again yesterday. He found
that the defunct First National bank
istfll has $4,000 of the states money
lon deposit
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-09-29

In Salina joint case was recently
tried before jury of ten men. 1t is
supposed that number exhausted all the
unprecedented men who could be found.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-09-29

Ever notice how name will some
lines have a run in the newspapers ?
FOR instance, a few days ago on a
Jingle page of the State Journal was
long story about Kimmel, the miss
ne Arkansas City banker, being found
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-09-29

"a strike of the anthracite coal min
ers is cheduled for next year, which
wiIl probably serve as an excuse for
the trust to put UP the price this fall.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-09-29
FULL LEASED WIRE REPORT
OF THE ASSOCIATED PRESS

No, Jasper, q good man and a good
yellow are quite apt to be very differ
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-09-29
THE PERIL OF, A REFoRMER.

To a public man who is doing what
he was elected to office to do-that is
to say. his duty without fear or favor
it must be exasperating to know
that when he travels or walks the
streets he needs protection other than
is afforded by the organized police
This realiza ton has come to Governor
Hanly, of Indiana, who forced Audi
public funds, and who is making war
on all forms of graft and incom-
petence. Governor Hanly, while
making a tour of northern Indiana,
noticed that he was being Swallowed"
by a stranger, or rather that the man
was always near his person in an at
titude of expectancy and a1ertness. 1t
got on the governors nerves after a
while, and he asked the man to ex-
plain. The stranger said he was d
Pinkerton detective, and had been sent
down from Chicago to protect the
governors person. By whom, he
would not say, and he refused to leave
his post of duty. 1t is supposed that
he was engaged by the Good Citizens
league. At any rate, some person, or
some civic body, is apprehenSive that
an attempt may be made on Governor
Hanly's life and called upon the de-
tective agency for a guard. The prov
Ocation for an attack upon -the gov
ernor could only be the fearless work
he has done as a reformer. Like Gov
ernor Folk, he insists upon the en-
IOTCoHenl OI the ldWSs Whatever 21Il-
terests may suffer or individuals be
offended. He has made war upon the
gamblers and the excise violators, and
has antagonized other lawless ele-
ments. A man of blameless life him
self and Spartan in the. sternneSS of
his ethical code, he is not disposed to
compromise with vice or tolerate
vested interests that batten upon it.
The reform governor of Indiana is,
therefore, heartily hated in some
quarters and may be in danger of in
jury at the hands of hired thug
New York Sun.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-09-29

Bishop Goodman (fmpressively9-On
think childreni In Africa there are 49,
100000 square miles of territory without a
single Sunday school, where little boys
and girls can spend their Sundays. Now.
what should we all try and save up our
money and do?
Glass lin ecstatic union)-Go to Africa
London Tit-Bits.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-09-29


Opportunity knocks but once. Other
knockers please copy.-Life.
The editor of the FunkviIIe ..Pestilence''
had stood the taunts. of the vile opposition
himself and waited on his loathsome con-
where's the editor?" he shouted, as the
office boy opened the door.
Hes dead. Shot himself last night.
Scooped again, by Snakesr'-CIeveland
Leader.
Jones says he never let's the sun go
mo. he expends it all on his wife as
soon as he gets home from the Office
Houston Chronicle.
THE NEW ATLAS.
Behold how like an Atlas bold
The youthful husband stands;
His little wife within his arms,
Her mother on his hands!
New Orleans Times-Democrat.
LET me see.. said the forgetful man,
whats the rest of that saying about Too
well" replied the man who had just re-
turned from Paris, too many Cooks spoil
the enjoyment of other tourists. ''-Phila-
delphia Press.
the top of the mountain,
"Oh, no. We were used to It. It was
just on about level with our f1at.'-De-
troit Free Press.
Bishop. Goodman (impressively9-onI
| 100000 square miles of territory without
single Sunday school, where little boys
and girls can spend their Sundays. Now,
what should we all try and save up our
money and do?
Glass lin ecstatic union)-Go to Africa
A stout couple was about to enter a
but his wife was so large that she could
not get through the door. Come side
sLor' bless you, John said She IT
amt got no sidewise. Christian Register.
Are you going to send your son back
NO the coach says he hasn't a chance
of making the 'leven. ''-C1eveland Plain
Dealer.
He says his ancestors are responsible
yes. he has the palate of a high church
man and the stomach of a Puritan. p
| Life.
@Ma,'' exclaimed Bobby. do you like
any one to Dite you?"
mouth and she put her arms around his
neck and tried to choke him. l guess
she doesn't like it. either. Puck.
Papa, what does vacation mean?"
Vacation, son, means running i'll debt
all summer and catching I'D all winter
Houston Post
K Little Willie-Say. pa, what does this pa
per mean by stquiet wedding?
Pa-Guess it must refer to the marriage
of a deaf and dumb couple, my son.
Chicago News.
7a'Some men accidentally goes to sleep in
church." said Uncle Eben, IAN a whole
lot aim got even dat excuse fob not pay
in 'tention to de pastors teachin's =
Washington Star.
Cftiman-I don't suppose you ever have
smallpox or typhoid out in Swamphurst'
Subbubs-No. indeed; there isn't any
room for it. The place is too full of ma
laria. Philadelphia Ledger.
MAJ
What is 1t now?"
81 wanna mother pieca cakep
mo, Tommy: you've had enough
law, ma! Yer always tellin' me don't
eat properly, an men you don't never gim-
me no chance to practice!'--Cleveland
Leader.
Insurance Agent-In two minutes. sir.
can convince you that the insurance you're
carrying is costing you too much money.
Victim (indisgust)-Get out. thought
you were going to convince me it was not
costing me too nuch.-Puck.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-09-29

Ibid you feel dizzy when you were at
the top of the mountain?''
tOh, no. We were used to it. It was
just on about level with our fiat."-De-
troit Free Press.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-09-29
FROM OTHER PENS
POT AND KETTLE.

Judge Parker and the DemOcrats
cannot make partisan capital out of
the New York Life's gifts to the Re
publican campaign funds. Beyond
question some insurance companies
also gave money to the Democrats.
There were other contributions of
equal improperly. Mr. Perkins. can
not defend his paymentsof New York
Life to Mr.. Bliss on the ground that it
was necessary to protect insurance as
sets from the Democratic party. To
use the money of policy holders to
promote the success of any party was
dishonorable and corrupt. There is no
partisanship in corruption. 1t men
aces every party in menacing the ma
ton Decent men of all parties should
unite in demanding state and federal
corrupt practices acts to stop the evil
New York World
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-09-29

Let me see,'' said the fOrgetfuI man,
whats the rest of that saying about Too
many eooks?'''
well replied the man who had just re-
turned from Paris, too many Cooks spoil
the enjoyment of other tourists. "-Phila-
delphia Press.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-09-29

A stout couple was about to enter a
London omnibus. The man got in first,
but his wife was so large that she could
not get through the door. Come side
WISE admonished her husband.
'Lor' bless you, john" said she, IT
amt got no sidewise. christian Register.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-09-29

THE NEW ATLAS.
Behold how like an Atlas bold
The youthful husband stands;
His little wife within his arms,
Her mother on his hands!
New Orleans nes-Democrat.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-09-29

Are you going to send your son back
to coilege?''
mo, the coach says he hasn't a chance
of making the 'leven. cleveland Plain
Dealer.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-09-29

Jones says he never let's the sun go
down upon his wrath
mo, he expends it all on his wife as
soon he gets home from the Office
Houston Chronicle.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-09-29

Opportunity knocks but once. Other
knockers please copy.-Life.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-09-29
I &

A Topeka paper says that Tom Kelly
will make a great effort to defeat Gov
ernor Hoch for denomination. This is
probably true but if Governor Hoch
will just give some evidence of having
spinal column Tom Kelly's efforts
will be futile.-Concordia Blade.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-09-29
HUMOR OF TIE Day

THE END OF VACATION.
Back to the old accustomed grind
From or sylvan hooks.
Twas there we left our cares behind:
Likewise our pocketbooks.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-09-29

He says his ancestors are responsible
for great DEAL
Yes, he has the palate of a high church
man and the stomach of a Puritan
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-09-29
JAPANESE AND DEMoCRATa

The Japanese war party is still adopt
ing ringing protests against the peace
treaty, but since the peace treaty is al
the protests have little weight. About
the same as a Democratic convention
platfrom in Kansas.-Salina Journal.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-09-29

ONE WAY IT WORKED.
The argument is always made that
if a man must drink. .he should do his
drinking at home. That is what Cap
tain Taggart did, and you know what
Observation-Disclosures Globe.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-09-29

The editor of the FunkviIle s.Pestilence'
had stood the taunts of the vile opposition
as long as he could. He finally armed
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-09-29

Insurance Agent-In two minutes. sir,
can convince you that the insurance you're
carrying is costing you too much money.
Victim (indisgust)-Get out. thought
you were going to convince me it was not
costing me too Tnuch!-Puck,
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-09-29

s'Some men accidentally goes to sleep in
church," said Uncle Eben, IAN a whole
lot aim got even dat excuse fob not pay
in 'tention to de pastors teachin' =
Washington Star.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-09-29

where's the editor?' he shouted, as the
office boy opened the door.
He's dead. Shot himself last night"
Scooped again, by Snakes '-Cleveland
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-09-29

/ Little Willie-Say, pa, what does this pa
per mean by quiet wedding?
Pa-Guess it must refer to the marriage
of a deaf and dumb couple, my son.
Chicago News.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-09-29

Citiman-I don't suppose you ever have
smallpox or typhoid out in Swamphurst"
Subbubs-No. indeed; there isn't any
room for it The place is too full of ma
laria "-Phi1adelphi Ledger.