The Caldwell tribune., 1905-08-19
=. A.8sIeaTsIFs1P PfgsFE''t''8'S S''E''H
GOOD
Short rtStorieS


~e~~-~~~eN
President Sprague, of the Union
Dime Savings Bank of New 1ork' says
that he was called up on the teiephon0
one dav and addressed thus apparent
~ IN al, seriousness: ''Is this the On-
ion Dime Savings BankT Yes
"Well I want to know if a non-unloh
man can deposit in your bank"
A well-dressed man who registered
at a hotel in St. Joseph, No. casuaiiS
remarked that he never traVeled Will
ont his own fire escape, at the same
time exhibiting the contrivance "nien
he carried. "In case Of fire. he salu,
81 can let myself down from any hote1
window" The landlord said. graFely'
"Our terms for guests with frees"
rapes are cash in advance"
An Irishman had received employ"
ment as a freight brakeman upon d
railway in a mountainous section OF
PENNSYLVANIA, and was to receive SO
many cents for each mile ne tfaVeieu'
Upon one of his first trips the engineer
lost control of his train, and at a dan
gerous rate it was speeding down the
steep grades. Suddenly the conductor
saw his Irish companion standing up
not far ahead. Don't jump! 4ouli
be killed!' he shouted. "And do you
think I'd be after jumpin' when I'm
maxim money as fast as l am noWT
replied the Irishman.
The tribulations Of pioneer Western
journalists are Illustrated by the tol
lowing, which appeared in Journa
published at Dodge City in the early
sos: I'm view of the fact that we
cannot pay the road tax Of $40 assess
ed against us this year, we have beer
sentenced to a certain period of con
fnement by the judicial authorities Of
this State. Consequently, there viii
be no issue of this paper for the mex
three weeks; but as the State Will, o.
course, have to board us, We figure
that we shall come out some $2C
ahead"
An Englishman, while passing alon'
the main street in Bangor, Me-, step
ped In a hole in the sidewalk and fall
ing, broke his leg. He brought sui
against the city for one thousand dol
lars, and engaged Hannibal Ham
lin for counsel. Hamlin won hi
case, but the city appealed to tn
Supreme Court. Here also the dec
sion was for Hamlin's client. Afte
settling up the claim, Hamlin sent 70
his client and handed him one dollar
whats this?" asked the Englishmar
That's your damages, after takin
out my fee, the cost Of appeal, an
several other expenses" said HamliI
The Englishman looked at the dolla
and then at Hamlin. whats tn
matter with this?' he asked; sis
bad?"
A number Of Scotchmen were e.
changing "reminiscences of mad Ell
glishmen," as they called them, wit
whom they had had experience. On
. Of them had done some work for
travelling geOlogist. He gave me
bag" said he, Ito carry to the inn i
, short cut across the hills while /
E walked by another road. l was wol
derrng myself why it was so drea,
| fully heavy, and when got out Of h
l sight was determined to see VIII;
| was in it. I opened it, and what {
D you think it was? But l need not as
| you to guess, for you would never fiji
3 out. 1t was stonesw "Stonesw e
C claimed his companion, opening h
: eyes; "stones! well, well, that bea
8 all ever knew or heard of Englis
. men! And did you carry it," Car
9 1t! Do you think l was as mad
s themselves? No! l emptied them 6
8 out. But l filed the bag again fro
e the cairn near the inn and gave hi
e good measure for his money"