The Topeka state journal., 1905-09-30
HUMOR OF THE DAY

HUMOR OF The DAY
gwen tainted money is beginning to
.alk these days
aecessariiy asa as an ieT evidenee 81 good faith
Baltimore American.
faes sssf been ns 60 eontesting his wifes will
why, / didn't know his wife was dead.
'srhats just it-she ism I. -CieFeiAne
Leader.
Teaeher-Tommy, when was Rome built1
Tommy-In the night
Teacher-How came you to make suca
Tommy-You said yesterday Rome was
HER AGE.
The bard seven ages gives q man
Her real age. what folk say she is
Washington Post
Remember" said the serious friend.
that you are a servant of the people,:
Yes answered Senator 5crghEm Inc
trouble is t;1at nowadays you are expect
ed to serve lhe people without accepting
any tips. Washington Star.
DO you believe that education promotes
moraIity?" asked the inq9isitiye person.
'sUndoubtedIy,' answered the cheerful
idiot; 'at least it is responsible for more
intelligent class of criminals. Chicago
News.
with the assistance of Proyidence and
the fan-time chills,' says. Georgia ed
Shaking sdDai e up. 0Atianta = Constitution.
Brown-Did you say sir. 1 could lie
fast as horse could trot?
Black-No. sir; 1 simply said few horses
can trot as fast as you can lie.
..o ,.,, ;, - r4.,- r,,..,, ..sfao,-.,
to talk befo dey is 2 years old, but
mighty few of 'em learns to say anything
wuf listenin' to by de time dey is 5o.''-
your sudden marriage to Mr.. sappy,''
said the ex-widow's friend surprised
II reckon it SURPRISED him also" replied
the bride, with a smile-Houston Post
.sYou must change this ending said the
theatrical manager Il want a play that
e ''1ll right replied the obligIng dram
atist, ''1'li have my hero and heroine di-
vorced in the last act."-Philadelphia Rec
ord.
Niece-win you ever feel your age, aun-
Aunt-No. my dear not while the con-
ductors continue to address me as miss
Chicago Recerd-Herald.
Whom do your two little boys resen-
father and acts like me; and the pretty
one looks like me and acts like his faith
er.''-Life.
Rodney-why do you automobile men
wear goggles?
sidney-Weli, it's to hide that scared
look in our eyes.-Harper's Bazar.
ITO what do you attribute your phe-
nomenaI success?" asked the medical stu
TO my ability in mastering the art of
concealing my ignorance answered the
physician.-Chicaeo News
sWhat makes Bliggins so anxious to
serve on the grand jury? I didn't regard
He w wants IT'S to get familiar with ali the de-
their money y''-Washington Star.
The New Cook (suspiciouslyl-Ar yez
sure l never wur-rked FIR yez before7
Mrs Subton (nervousIy)-I-I-I don't
think so, Miss Hogan;-but my memory Is
New Cook-so's me own: but iv hnd
/ I've been brought here under false pri-
tinces it won't be well f'r yez' mind that
Puck.
don't go and spend that at the first public
1 house you come to.
Disreputable old Pauper.-You bet !
Dog Not me. You're a good judge, you
are I'm for the Green Duck" further
on / agrees with you-the Spotted Dog
| amt no class at a1l.-Punch.
Burglar-Here's a bill from summer
hotel.
His Pal-Den we're too late. Leave a
nickel ofs de bureau fer de poor guy, and
we'll sliddoo Puck
Nurse-Bridget, come here, and see a
French baby born in Dublin.
| Brfdget-Poor little darlintI It's great
| perpIexity you II be to yourself, i m think
| in when you begin shpeakin Punch.
Doctor-When can you pay me my bill
| for curing you of insomnia ?
| Patient-I don't know, doc-I sleep so
soundly now that my wife goes through
| nv pockets most every night and takes
| eVerything.-I4ife.
| "Oh myi' exclaimed Mrs. Schoppen,
| 1--WE lost my pocketbook!
| Never mind, DEAR replied her husband,
ssI'Il get you another pocketbook and you
| can easily collect more dress goods SAM
| nIes ''-PhiIadeIphia Press.
POINTED PARAGRARHA
[F'rom the Chicago News.
Poverty-A grindstone for sharpen
ing wits.
Love is a more or less troublesome
/ oce.e - E,oor-+ +r011b1o