davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1905-08-26
500 Apiece for
Good, Ne,u Jokes

"A good joke is worth money" says
Miss Leah Russell, whose Hebraic imi-
tations and real Hebrew melodies are
featured at the Orpheum next week.
81 have in my bank now, among sun
dry sums designed for general usage,
$500 which I will cheerfully give to
any person who can give me five good
gags that have never been used in
any form and that will fit into my act.
Am [ joking9 Certainly not. Finding
real jokes that have the stamp Of
originality makes looking for needle
in haystack as easy as running up
laundry bill in Chicago.
81 don't bar anybody from this joke
competition. The first person who hands
me the jokes will get the money, be he
Mark Twain, the editor of London
Punch or the Office boy. The source of
the joke is of no consequence to me. 1t
is the laughing result that [ want.
~ recently offered Ezra Kendall
this same $500 for five good stories that
I could use in my monolog, but he evil
IDENTIFY needed his stories more than he
did my money, for he has never sub
mitted the manuscript. The sum looks
large, but good stories are worth 800
each. / am not out of material, under
stand, but I believe in looking ahead,
so that when the present repertory
wears out, I'll have something new to
give the public. -
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1905-08-26
THE TOTAL ECLIPSE OF THE sun AUGUST go 1906

the sun is partly obscured. Dotted
lines are drawn on the chart showing
where the sun at the middle of the
eclipse has one-third and two-thirds of
it's diameter covered by the moon.
Value of Total Eclipse.
The phenomena of a partial eclipse
are Of very little interest to astron-
omers, but those of the total phase are
always regarded Of great Importance.
Total eclipses are exceedingly rare at
any one spot ON the earth, and the to-
tai phase never lasts more than few
minutes. Those few minutes furnish the
only opportunities yet discovered for
studying the nature Of mysterious
something surrounding the sun, which
is called the corona. It appears the
moment the sun is covered by the moon.
varies in form from eclipse to eclipse,
and no trace of it can be seen, nor can
any evidence of it be obtained, by the
most delicate apparatus, at any other
time. Altho it extends out million
miles and more from the sun IS surface,
yet comets have been known TO- pass
thru it without the slightest retarda-
ton of their motion. The corona is
of a pearly color. and is full Of curved
streamers Of various lengths It is a
fascinating object to look at, either
with the naked eye or with the aid Of a
telescope.
Astronomers from many observatories
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1905-08-26

being little vain, and for occasionally
glancing towards the stand to see what
the people arc doing and how they like
his work.
Some Fast Going.
Dan Patch's appearance at the fair
grounds will be on Monday, Sept. a
the opening day of the fair-when he
will pace three heats in the afternoon,
the final one being the attempt to lower
the world s record. This record was
made at Memphis last fall. Later Dan
lowered the world record for q mile on
half-mile track-this at Oklahoma
City in November. During the present
summer. he has been working on the
state-fair track and only short time
ago Hersey took him over the course
in 2:04 without urging him at all.
It will be remembered that on this
occasion Dan was going so fast at the
half that Hersey called to the driver
Of the running mate to hold up, and
was still so lively that Jersey signalled
the runner to, pull up. This he did, and
Dan finished the last quarter alone with
out any urging or any horse alongside
or in front.
When Hersey got down from the
s'xky he said equivocally, that the
Minnesota state fair race track was
the fastest track in the country, and
that Dan was practically sure to lower
his record on the first day of the fair.
The Program.
Never has the state fair presented
so strong and varied a program as this
| year. It is outlined below:
Monday, Sept. labor Day.
MORNING. .-@.-.
! 9 a.m.-Official opening Of the forty-sixth an
| nual state fair. No amusement program Is pro-
yided for the mornings of the, fair. Custom and
convenience has established that the forenoons
| shall be spent in examining the exhibits in the
| occur in the forenoons will be noted under the
| various dates of fair week. =. r. ,s.s'E-
| 10 a.m.-Opening address by Jonathan P. DOlli-
yer, United States senator from Iowa. - I'll.
| 10 am. to 70 m.-Band concert by Liberatis
famous band, at band stand near Exposition
| building. O., ,, :. - g. e.. -
AFTERNOON. -,
At the Grand Stand. 1 pm, Races
No. 1-1:3O class, pacing. $2,oO0
| No. 2-2:10 class trotting. 1,50O
No. drumming race, one-half mile heats,
two in three 200
| No. Running race, one and one-eighth =
mile, selling. 25O
| Band Concert-First Regiment band.
Sensational high wire performance.
| The Five Flying Moores-Aerial trapeze act.
GalettIs Monkey Circus-AIost comical thing
| ever seen on the stage.
Dan Patch-Three heats. mile, pacing
! against his wC".G>S rrco"d 1855
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1905-08-26

Alexietf; the Chinese governor and suite do
honor to his arrival; amusement and entertain
ment in honor Of the viceroy's visit.
Specially divertisements.-.'Th Imperial Jap
anese Guard direct from Toxic By special
permission-The three Drolls. grotesque Russian
aerialsts; "the .Jhree Macks,' exhibitions on
the Roman ladders: "the Bertrands," comedy
acrobsts; a Japanese officer arrives, bearing
a letter of protest from the Miksdo. He is
received with courtesy, but the warning is for
gotten. .s..
The Blessing of the Flags-A beautiful Rus
sian ceremony depicting the religious fervor of
the MOscovites. Priests bestowing the blessing
of the church on the, soldiers departing for
to arms; blowing up Russian magazine by
Japanese spies, they are captured. the ''drum-
head courtmartial," and execution of the spies:
the signals from Sun Hill: the bombardment by
sea and land general assault on Port Arthur:
blowing up the fortress; surrender and capture
Of General Stoessel: the fall Of Port Arthur. -
At the close of the spectacle Pains wonder
full fireworks, With change Of program nightly
Tuesday, Sept. Minneapolis Day.
MORNING. -
The judging of cattle will begin on Tuesday,
and will be conducted in the large tent near
the cattle exhibition barns. Horses will be
judged in a similar tent near the horse exhi-
bition barns. ..-, .7r .. 1905. + .
10 am. to - m.-Band concert by Liberati's
famous band. Band stand near main building.
~. So AFTERNOON. rtgjf...a -
At the Grand Stand
l. D.m.-RaceS: ar Il
No. 5a--2:21 class, trottisg, Minneapolis E*e
purse -. 49, 81 .000
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1905-08-26
THE GREAT DAN PATCH TO 90 AGAINST TINE
THE OPENING DAY or THE GREAT STATE FAIR

<~ VERIFYING now depends
C upon the weather." said
Secretary E. w. Randall of
- the Minnesota State Fair
today as he turned from
the pile of work upon his desk and
glanced at the skies as if the omen for
fair week might already be seen among
the shifting clouds. Mr.. Randall IS re-
ports from every part Of the northwest
indicate notwithstanding crowd. He
with all the other state fair workers,
who have toiled for year in prepare
ton for the biggest state fair ever held
in the world, most earnestly hope that
nothing will interfere with the success
Of what now promises to be the great
est gathering together OF people the
state has ever seen.
But weather is not the drawback it
once was for state fair. Last year
demonstrated that people would attend
a fair in the rain, if it was good fair
and equipped with miles Of cement
walks, acres of floor space under roof,
and with the street cars landing passen-
gers right in the center of the grounds.
Still good weather is to be earnestly
Remember Dan Patch Day.
While the present state fair is the
product Of an evolution, and is, conse-
quently largely development along
successful lines of exhibition and
amusement, and therefore presents few
startling novelties, there are a few
things that stand out conspicuously.
One of them is in the line of exhibits
and is the tremendous, high-class and
widely-varied exhibit Of cattle. An
other is in the amusement line, and is
nothing less than the appearance of the
great Dan Patch in an effort to lower
his own and the worlds record Of 1855
for mile paced. Dan Patch is no
stranger in the northwest, where he has
been owned for several years by NJ. w.
Savage of Minneapolis. Mr.. Savage
paid fortune for the great stallion,
and would not part with i'm today for
any money. For he has not only made
fame and reputation for Mr.. Savage 8
stables, but the horse himself is one that
his owner, like everyone who has to do
with him, has come to love. Thousands
have recognized Dan Patch s wonderful
intelligence and hundreds who have
visited him at the Savage
farm or in his quarters in the city or at
the fair grounds, have been delighted
with the traits he has displayed. He is
fond of visitors and when he is on the
track he knows as we'll as human be-
ing that the thousands of eyes in the
grand stand are watching his perform
ance. Possibly he may be excused for
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1905-08-26

Fearless High Diving-One and twenty feet
into net. .-,. . ...s~ ...--
Ladies' Relay Race-Three daring riders in
twenty four-mile. race four miles each day,
changing horses at the end of each mile in
front of the grand stand. .,'.. =-- = ~
The Death-trap Loop-Hazardous, Geath-defy-
ing ''loop-t he-loop' act by 'The Great Bah
COCK
Balloon ascension and parachute drop. ;.
~, On the Grounds to 6 pm, grand band con-
cert, at band stand near main building.
.>...~ EVENING. -
At the Grand Stand, 8 p.m.-One-half- mile
running race heats .ssevrs <3-y. .s1 sSgss&.s
One mile running race, dash, -
The dea trap lOop-hsZardous, death defying
'loop- the-loop'' act by ''The Great Babcock."
Balloon ascension and parachute drop, illumi-
mated ~ searchlights. 4 3.sA-isz-- 49,
Band concert Minnesota state band.
Sensa tional high wire performance.
The Five MoOres-Aerial trapeze act
Galetti's Monkey Circus-Funniest thing on the
program
Fearless high diving. 49, ..-.,.-=. -. II
@The Fall of Port Arthur This is the latest
and greatest of Pains spectacular dramas, and
is produced at the Minnesota state fair at
enormous cost. Over $50 performers are re-
quired for the production, and the scenery
eral Stoessel, General Nogi, Admiral Makkauff.
Admiral Togo, and their stats, Correpson-
dents, Russian citizens, Japanese visitors, Chi
nese coolies, Cossacks, Red Cross nurses etc.
Synopsis and incidents-Streets Of Port Ar
thur on a Saints day. early morning-relcf
guard Of sentries; a company of Cossacks
rive; life and barter in an Oriental city; the
Russian soldiers jolly life in Manchuria: no
thought of war-an laughter and pleasure:
troops assemble to receive the yiceroy general
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1905-08-26
Conservatory of Music Is Growing.

COIS6lVdGOly VI huSlC 1S olOwlASs
The new and artistically printed
yearbook of the Northwestern Conser-
vatory of Music has just been issued.
1t shows that the school will remove,
about Sept. 15, to the Studio Arcade,
S04-6 Nicollet avenue, where an entire
floor, containing commodious studios
and offices, offers the attractive and
convenient home long awaited by the
institution.
The faculty has been materially
strengthened by the addition of Karl
E. Tunberg, concert pianist from Ber-
lin; School of Opera and Acting I'M
der Addison Madeira, and the engage
ment of Franklin w. Krieger, the we'll
known exponent of the Leschetizky
piano method. Mrs. W. E. Albee, Miss
| Gertrude Dobyns and others remain as
in past years. Mr.. Marshall and Mrs:
Hawkins, in the vocal department, will
receive assistance from Mr.. Madeira;
Emil Straka and F. M. Christensen are
the violin teachers; Byron Morgan.
cornet; Mrs. Kemp, harp; A. T. Wat
son, piano-forte tuning; while all or
chestral instruments are represented by
the leading soloists of the city.
In its new home, with these addi-
lions, the Conservatory opens the TWEEN
ty-frst year Of it's history under par
ticularly suspicious conditions.
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1905-08-26
BY PROFESSOR II. c. WILSON
OF Goodsell Observatory, Carleton College,
Mortified, Mimi - -

N NEXT. WEDNESDAY morn
ing, Aug. 80, will occur the
most notable astronomical
event predicted for 1905. On
that day, at the time Of new
moon, the moon will come directly in
line between the sun and certain parts
of the earth IS surface, so that its
the earth, and, as seen from them, the
sun will be wholly or partially obscured
by the moon. In other words there will
be an eclipse Of the sun, total at some
I, places on the earth and partial at
others. ..- '. ~. - -
Unfortunately, at Minneapolis the
eclipse will occur so early in the morn
ing that only half of it can be seen.
trail standard time, and the middle of
the eclipse, when the sun is most OBJ
scured, will be at $3.50 am. The cres-
cent of the sun remaining unobscured
will be concave upward, so that instead
of an ordinary sunrise, we shall witness
first the appearance of the two horns Of
course Of minute, the whole crescent.
At this time the moon will cover just
fve-sixths of the suns diameter, so
that it will leave the width of the bril-
liant crescent at it's widest part Just
one-sixth of the solar diameter. During
the next hour the moon will pass off
gradually toward the east, the last con-
tact being at $3.50 am.
The accompanying diagram may help
to explain to, the ordinary reader how
an eclipse takes place. The moon cir
cles around the earth every month at
q distance Of about 100000 miles. It's
diameter is 2,163 miles, or little over
one-fourth that of the earth. The sun 8
diameter is about four hundred times
as great, but it is also four hundred
times as far away as the moon, so that
the two bodies appear to be of almost
the same size, and when the moon hap
pens to come exactly in line with the
sun, as seen from any point on the
earth, it almost exactly covers the sun
for few minutes.
Phenomenon Of Eclipse Explained.
The moon is cold body and gives no
light of its own. We can see only the
part of it upon which the sun shines.
At the time of an eclipse the dark
side of the moon is toward us and ap-
pears of .inky blackness in contrast
with the dazzling light Of the sun. It
not only gives no light of it's own, but
it intercepts that Of the sun, and there
extends out from it, opposite the sun,
q coHical shadow into which no sunlight
can, enter. This is called the rmbra of
the moon s shadow, and where it strikes
the earth, an observer on the moon or
out in that direction in space. might see
a round black spot, about 100 miles in
diameter. AS the moon moves east
ward past the sun, the shadow cone ard
The black spot move eastward across
the surface of the earth at the rate Of
about half mile second. Everywhere
within this shadow the eclipse is total.
: It's path across the earth, as shown upon
the chart, extends from Winnipeg,
where it strikes tie earth at sunrise,
across Canada, tho Atlantic ocean,
Spain and the north of Africa, to Ara
bia. Outside of this path: extending
the south, and more than that toward
the north, is the !, penumbra of the
moons shadow, the region in which
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1905-08-26

auspices Of the American shorthorn Breeders
association.
at the Grand Stand
l p.m.-Races:
No. 8, 2:1S class pacing ................$1 900
No. 10, 2:14 class, trotting ............. 1000
Band concert, First Regiment band.
Sensa tional high-wire performance.
The five flying Moores-aerial trapeze act.
Galetti's monkey circus-most comical thing
ever seen on the stage.
Fearless high diving-120 feet into net.
race feer miles eae dan
changing horses at the end of each mile in front
, of the grand stand.
The death-trap loop-hazardous. 6eath-defying
On the Half Mile lie T1ackn me 'is4' DaDc''A'
2: p.m.-Judging of matched roadster team
2:3O p.m.-Judging of single heavy harness
horses and turnouts.
3 p.m-Judging of park hacks, single road
| sters.
On the Grounds. 4 to pm
Grand band concert. bandstand near main
| building.
EVENING.
At the Grand Stand. p.m.-
The evening programs substantially the
| same during the entire fair.
Thursday, Sept. Live Stock and
Dairy Day. --
| MORNING.
10 a:m.-Reunion of Pioneers association in
| :
famous band, bandstand main building
AFTERNOON.
In the Great Cattle Tent, 1 p.m.-Auction
| sale of shOrthorn cattle under the auspices of
| the American Shorthorn Breeders association.
NJ at the C.! Grand Stand l p.m.-Races:
NO. 12-2:l9 class, trottng ............. 81 0OC
No. lS-2:2S class, pacing. ............. 1 OOG
No. 14-Runnng race, y mile novelty. 25C
NO. 15-Runn1ng race, rs mile heats..... zoe
Band concert, First regiment band.
sensational h1gh-Wire performance.
| The Five Flying Moores, aerial trapeze act.
Galettfs monkey circus, most comical thing
ever seen on the stage.
Fearless high diving, 12o feet into net
Ladies relay race, three daring riders II
| 24-mile race, four miles each day changing
horses at the, end of each mile in front OF
| the grandstand.
| -, The death-trap loop, hazardous, death-de fyine
| loop the loop act by 1.-The Great Babcock"
| Balloon ascension and parachute drop.
| On the Grounds to PIN
Grand band concert bandstand near mail
| building.
EVENING. $500. -
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1905-08-26

The evening programs are substantially tbs
same during the entire fair.
Friday, Sept. 8-st. Paul Day.
MORNING.
10 am. to IL m.-Band concert by Lfberati's
famous band. bandstand main building.
AFTERNOON.
At the Grand Stand. p.m-Livestock parade.
No. 1e-21 :1s class, pacing, ST. Paul purse. 5000
No. 1s-s:0o class. trotting. s-year-olds
No. 19-Running race, liz mile, selling. go
Band concert, Third regiment band.
Sensational hgh-wire performance.
The five flying Moros-aerial traDeZe act.
Galetus monkey circus, most coInical thing
ever seen on the stage.
Fearless high diving, 120 feet into net.
Ladies' relay race three daring riders In
24-mile race, four miles each day, changing
horses at the, end of each mile in front Of
The death-trap loop. hazardous, death-defying
loop the-loop' act by The Great Babcock."
Balloon ascension and parachute drop.
On the Grounds to p.m.-Grand band
concert, bandstand near main building.
EVENING.
At the Grand Stand. DIM,
The evening programs are substantially the
same during the entire fair.
Saturday, Sept 9-Fraternity Day.
MORNING.
10 am to IL m.-Band concert by Liberati's
Famous Band. bandstand, near main building.
AFTERNOON.
At the Grand Stand p.m.-Races-
No. 20. 2:35 class trotting ..---....$25 500
No. =, 207 class pacing ;..;.:........ lSV 0
No. %, running race, n mile heats 10
| No. %. running race, H mile, selling 25o
Bank concert, Third Regiment Band.
Sensational high wire performance.
The five flying Moores, aerial trapeze act.
Galetti's monkey circus, most comical thing
ever seen the stage.
| Fearless high dive, 120 feet into net.
Ladies relay race, three daring riders In
| twenty -four-mile race, four miles each day,
changing horses at the end of each mile In front
of the grand stand
| The deathtrap loop, hazardous. death-deyyins
loop the-loop' act by The Great Babcock.
| On the Grounds, to & D.m.-
| Grand band concert. bandstand near main
| building.
| EVENING.
At the Grand Stand. p.m.-
| The evening programs substantially the
] same during the entire fair.
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1905-08-26

No. 6-2:23 class, pacing .............. 1000
No. 1900 class, pacing, 3year-olds or
uhuer -. ........ .....,...... SO0
No. Stunning race, Is mile selling. 250
Band Concert-First Regiment band.
Sensational high wire performance. =
The Five Flying Moores-Aerial trapeze act. +.
Galetti's Monkey Circus-Most comical thing
ever seen on the stage. -. .s--
Fearless High Diving-12O feet into net ,. ri
Ladies' Relay Race-Three daring riders in
24-mile race, four miles each day, changing
horses at the end of each mile in front of the
grand stand. II a-'. -. ~
The Trap Loop-Hazardous, death defy
ing ."loop- loop act by "The Great Bah
COCK
Balloon ascension and parachute drop.
On the Grounds. to 6 p.m.-
Grand band concert. at bandstand near main
building. 10" ,-z..,.,..
On Half-Mile Track.
2 p.m.-Judging Of saddle horses; Judging Of
turnouts. .-..'
3 p.m.-Judgng Of harness horses, matched
heavy and light carriage teams.
23O p.m.-Judging of single heavy carriage
horses. = ""..... ~
e. III. EVENING. 49,.
At the Grand Stand
p.m.-The evening programs substan-
TALLY the same during the entire fair.
Wednesday, Sept. Estate and Terri
torial Day.
MORNING.
10 am. to ~ m.-Band concert by Liberati's
famous band bandstand, main building.
-. AFTERNOON.
In the Great Cattle Tent, l DIM ~-..t...s
Auction sale of ShOrhOrn cattle under the
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1905-08-26

carry the parties to ports near the OBJ.
serving stations. These parties all
sailed early in July and are now at
their stations, with the apparatus set
up and probably adjusted ready fol
work by this time.
Much Apparatus Taken Along.
The following list of the more i'm
portant pieces Of apparatus, furnished
one of the naval observatory parties
will serve to indicate the pains which
are being taken to obtain all the pos
sible results from these expeditions:
A horizontal Photographic telescope OF
5 inches aperture and 40 feet foca
length.
A Photographic telescope, S.5 inches
aperture and II feet focus.
A 6-inch Dallmeyer camera, 36-incf
focus.
A portable telescope for. contact OBJ
servations.
Several grating spectroscopes.
Spectral photometric apparatus.
Meteorological apparatus.
instruments for determining time, lat
itude and longitude.
Besides the study of the corona, the
principal other problems are: The
search for planets between Mercury
and the sun; observations Of the shad-
ow bands Glands of alternate light
and shade, about six or eight inches
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1905-08-26
MinnetOnka.

The lake season is beautiful, but re-
member winter is coming, and there il
only just time to build If you want q
city house before snow time. Edmund
G. Walton is offering to build houses
and sell on monthly installments. If
you are clever you will sit down at
once and write for his list of lots. His
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1905-08-26
Mortified, Mimi, Aug. "a.

If you are nervous or dyspeptic try
Carter's Little Nerve Pills. Dyspep-
STA makes you nervous and nervousness
makes you dyspeptic; either one rem
ders you miserable, and these little
pills cure both.
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1905-08-26

Saturday, August 26, Last Trip of 500
Line Saturday Fishing Train.
Last trip of the 500 Line 9 Fish Spe-
cial, which during the summer has left
from Glenwood, Monday morning, will
be Aug. 26, returning Monday, Aug. 90.