davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Black Hills union and western stock review. [volume] (Rapid City, S.D.) 1904-19??, 1905-10-20

4 MORE Or LESS HUMOROUS. !
= 4

His Fathers Son.

From Judge.
A professor of mathematics IN a leading
New England college had been much an
noyed by the students coming to class
without their text books. Various reasons
were given. One man said that some one
had borrowed his book.
That's no excuse" sai the irate pro-
fessor. Hereafter your work and your
book are to be here. Any man who fails
10 bring them will be marked zero. No
excuse of any kind will be taken"
The professors son was a member of
this class and was the first one to be
called up at the next recitation.
Adams, problem fourteen at the board"
called the professor.
Pardon me, professor said his son;
?but haven't my book"
Haven't your book?" roared the pro-
%ffessor. He was doubly angry because his
own son was the first offender. "Didn't
you hear what l said yesterday?"
Yes, professor; but my f ther bor-
roWed my book last night and he didn't
bring it back"
The Black Hills union and western stock review. [volume] (Rapid City, S.D.) 1904-19??, 1905-10-20
Circumstances Alter Gases.

From Judge.
The French Baron Rothschild once had
in his service a valet named AlpIonse-
first class. but an acknowledged red"
This valet obtained permission once a
week TO attend the meetings of his social
list lodge.
-phonse no longer desired this off night,
and lnquir!ng into the cause was informed
that the Wallets late socialist colleagues
mad worked out a calculation that, If all
the wealth of France were divided equally
per capita. each individual would be the
posscssor of 2,0G francs.
Monsieur" said Alphonse with dignity,
i resigned. ! have $500 francs"
The Black Hills union and western stock review. [volume] (Rapid City, S.D.) 1904-19??, 1905-10-20
BALANCING THEIR OWN RATloNs

All poultrymen are firm believers in bal
anced rations for poultry, but there is con-
siderable difference of opinion as to
whether the balancing should be done by
the feeder or the feed turned over to the
fowls for them to do their own balancing.
One of the advocates of the latter plan
furnishes the following suggestions for
making such a feeding box and the rca-
sons why the fowls should balance their
own food. In order 10 protect the grain a
small house is built with a roof %slanting
so that there will be no drip of water into
the feed provided the feeding box is not
under shelter. a number of compartments
are provided inside this house, one for
corn. one for wheat and a third for an
other whole grain or a mixture of several
grain, as desired. Some poultrymen use
The Black Hills union and western stock review. [volume] (Rapid City, S.D.) 1904-19??, 1905-10-20
Mitigation

From the Chicago Tribune.
"Bruddah Jaspah.' said his pastor, rs
sorry yo' don't come to de "Wednesday
evenin' pra'r mee:in' as often as yo' used
to. Wot's de mattah?"
well, de fack is, Brer Jank'ns.' re-
sponded Brother Jasper, scratching his
head, IFS done jined a lodge, an hit meets
every "Wednesday evenin.'
"a lodge" r%ejoined the pastor, severely,
us a mighty POI subs'toot fur a pra'r
meetin.'"
" spec it is, p%ahson.'
Then a bright thought struck him.
But" he added, hopefully, I'VE alwuz
opens de lodge meetin' wild pra'r, Bl:-
Ienk,nS.'
The Black Hills union and western stock review. [volume] (Rapid City, S.D.) 1904-19??, 1905-10-20
Did Shoot Six, Maybe.

From thc minneapolis Journal.
Beals {. Wright, the tennis champion,
was eating reed birds.
When the reed bird season comes
round" he said, Il think of my cousin,
an enthusiastic sportsman,
My cousin once went on a reed bird
hunt, and had excellent luck. The family,
on his return, Toasted.
His wife, a week or SO later, said to
him:
How many reed birds was it that you
shot. do you remember?'
Just two dozen said my cousin, and
all beauties
Then the grocer said his wife, has
made a mistake. He charges for only
eighteen"
The Black Hills union and western stock review. [volume] (Rapid City, S.D.) 1904-19??, 1905-10-20

that | was laid up
four months. [
had night sweats
and fainting spells
md dropped to 80
pounds. The urine
passed every few
minutes with in
tense pain and
looked like blood.
Dropsy set in aud
the doctors decid-
ed ! could not live.
NV wifa unt ma
The Black Hills union and western stock review. [volume] (Rapid City, S.D.) 1904-19??, 1905-10-20
Iellino Him About It.

From the Washington Evening Star.
Charley dear" said young Mrs. Tor
kins, II am very much afraid that your
interest in sports is having a demoral,zing
influence on your grammar"
lie looked at her apprehensivcly.
"Nhen the home team won that game
you said they fieldcd WE'LL
Did I?'
Yes. And of course what YOU meant
Charley dear, was that they felt well,
wasn't it,"
He looked about in utter heiplessness
and
:'Of cOurSe." -----
The Black Hills union and western stock review. [volume] (Rapid City, S.D.) 1904-19??, 1905-10-20
lnsinuatinu,

From the Philadelphia Public Ledger.
The following story is told of one of
the former governors of Georgia; 1t seems
that he was out walking one morning, a
few days prior to his election, when he
met an old negro. The following CONVEX
sation took place: .
Morning, Marse John.'"
Good morning, tScle."
You all is looking mighty fine"
Yes. ! feel pretty good"
D you know what you looks like.
Marse John?'
mo. What do l look like?"
you looks as if you had a dollah in
'youh pocket and was runnin' foah gov
ernor.n
The Black Hills union and western stock review. [volume] (Rapid City, S.D.) 1904-19??, 1905-10-20
FEEDING CORN FODDER ADVAN-
TAGEOuSIY.

In the states where the corn crop is large
much vi il goes TO needless waste which
with Il little care might be made TO add to
the farm profits. The wasteful plan of
throwing it in great stacks to the animals
leaving them to eat what they will and
trample the rest under foot, cannot be
profitable no matter how large the corn
crop one has at command. To get the most
from the corn fodder, if 1t is not in the
form of silage. it should be cut or shredded.
preferably the LAGER. OF course in some
sections perhaps this may not be done
with profit but it may be cut even in the
Old fashioned cutter and pay for the labor.
The time to feed the corn fodder to best
advantage is early in the season and simply
because after mid winter it has lost much
of its feeding value and the cows fail TO do
well on 1t and tire of the Sameness. The
other materials used for roughage can be
saved until later In the winter and In the
spring. The corn fodder may be made
moe appetizing by feeding a small ration
of root crops although the bulk of the roots
should be saved for later feeding when
the cows become more anxious for green
food
The Black Hills union and western stock review. [volume] (Rapid City, S.D.) 1904-19??, 1905-10-20

using Doan's Kidney Pills. and as they
helped me l tool heart, kept on and
was cured so thoroughly that I've been
well three years"
Sold by all dealers. 30 cents a box.
Foster-Milburn Co, Buffalo, n. Y.
The Black Hills union and western stock review. [volume] (Rapid City, S.D.) 1904-19??, 1905-10-20
A Probability.
From Life.

FROM Lie.
Mrs. Ham Packe-Geraldine wants al.
English earl or duke, but if l can't git one
for her, | wonder how a German count
would answer?
Ham Packe Observation-Disclosures.
probably in Dutch or broken English.
The Black Hills union and western stock review. [volume] (Rapid City, S.D.) 1904-19??, 1905-10-20
FEEDING KITCHEN sLoP.

Most feeders of wine as~e too careless
about the Stops used fron4le kitchen and
do not hesitate to use any sort of dish
water in which to mix the grains used in
feeding. II one has a lot of greasy dish
water In which soap powders or soap of
any kind has not been too freely used ii is
excellent stuff in which to mix the bran
and other ground food for swine. If soap
powders are used then the slop ought not
to be used for it VIII make trouble for the
SWINE and particularly for the shoats. An
excellent plan Is to drop a few pieces of
charcoal In the before using it
for mixing the ground food. In this way
one furnishes a little medicine in advance
Tor the dyspeptia that may ensue. Unless
the kitchen slop Is quite rich ii is of little
use In mixing; skim milk will be much
better ard ever clear warm water will be
quite as good as dishwater consisting
mainly of soap water and little grease
from the dishes or kettles.
The Black Hills union and western stock review. [volume] (Rapid City, S.D.) 1904-19??, 1905-10-20
Not Above Him.

From the Fort Worth Record.
"Ah!" exclaimed the good old soul,
observing how cheerfully the laborer
.whistled as he toiled, you're contented
at least. I'm glad to see your work is
not beneath you"
'tQuit yer kiddin', lady" replied the
laborer. Tn diggin' 2 trench" q
The Black Hills union and western stock review. [volume] (Rapid City, S.D.) 1904-19??, 1905-10-20
Difficult Problem.

From the Cincinnati Enquirer.
Mr.. Wise-If you would improve yer
mind associate only with people who
know more than you do
Miss Smart-But II they follow the same
rule, hat are we to do?
The Black Hills union and western stock review. [volume] (Rapid City, S.D.) 1904-19??, 1905-10-20
CHANGE OF LIFE
INTELLlGENTW0MEK PREPARE
Dangers and Pain Of This Critical Period
Avoided by the Use OF Lydia E. Pink.
hams Vegetable Compound.

How many wo
men realize that
The most critical
period in q wo-
mans existence
is the change Of
life, and that the
anxiety felt by
women as this
time draws near
is not
~aae1~ y
The Black Hills union and western stock review. [volume] (Rapid City, S.D.) 1904-19??, 1905-10-20
LOADING CORN FODDER.

Loading corn fodder may not be very hard
work to the small farmer but When one has
the product of many acres to load it be-
comes a formidable operation. The work
can be much more easily done If the fol-
lowing device is used. Make a loader by
using a two-inch plank ten feet long with
cleats of inch stuff nailed. on one side at
short intervals. AT one end nail a cleat
on the under side which will be three
inches wider than the board on each side.
The Black Hills union and western stock review. [volume] (Rapid City, S.D.) 1904-19??, 1905-10-20
Very Kind.

EfOm judge.
Papa (sevcrely)-I hear you have been
n naughty little girl today. What have
you to say for yourself?
Daughter (aged 5. brightiy)-oh. I'm not
The Black Hills union and western stock review. [volume] (Rapid City, S.D.) 1904-19??, 1905-10-20

may take in walking up the board at
night. Once i week remove the roosts and
pou kerosene oil in the notches in which
the ends rested and thus destroy the
IA. I nbjny ,,ln, .f ,,orp,in
The Black Hills union and western stock review. [volume] (Rapid City, S.D.) 1904-19??, 1905-10-20
"Man and Superman.n

''N'' S'N
The woman courts poor, tim.d man
With diaholic wiles;
She keeps him guessing when she can,
She pouts, coqucttes, and smiles,
She ~hypnotizes with a glance
Gle doesn't need a wife),
And, ere he's Weakened from his trance,
He finds he's ied-for life.
AT least so says G. Bernard Shaw.
Berating women thus:
THE jades shoul be compelled by law
To keep away from us!'
1.-THE female bully" (words of Shaw's)
Plays Tabby-like with you.
And when she's got you in her w
What can the poor man do?
o Bernard Shaw. your thoughts on love
+, Dc not appeal to me:
I've still my rusty notions Of
Barbaric chivalry.
If woman DULLES me she can,
Or thinks she can, at least
I'm neither "Man and SMpcrmaN'
Nor Beast and Su%perbeast."
New York Globe.
The Black Hills union and western stock review. [volume] (Rapid City, S.D.) 1904-19??, 1905-10-20
Twins.

From the Philadelphia Public Ledger.
1t was at the railway station and she
was trying to buy half tickets for two
children.
How old are they?" asked the ticket
1eller.
only H."
Both of them?"
They're twins
"Ah!" exclaimed the man. He eyed
them a moment and then remarked.
Pretty children. Where were they
born?"
This one in New York. answered the
proud mother. " and the other one in Lon
dom
The Black Hills union and western stock review. [volume] (Rapid City, S.D.) 1904-19??, 1905-10-20

Tie sman ropes to this cleat and with
them fasten the rack to the back part of
the wagon rack, the lower end of the
plank-rack resting on the ground. This
makes a step ladder up which 1t is easy
to walk and If strongly made a man can
readily carry up it all he can get his arms
around. With this plan one man can do
the work Of loading a wagon easily withou,
spending the time necessary to bind the
bundles. The illustration shows how easily
the ladder can be made.
The Black Hills union and western stock review. [volume] (Rapid City, S.D.) 1904-19??, 1905-10-20
RAISED FROM a pEATH.BED.

MIR. Pitts, Once Pronounced Incurablc,
Has Been Well Three YcSrs.
E. Il. Pitts, GO Hathaway ST., Show
hogan, Me-, says: Seven years ago my
back ached and l was so run down
The Black Hills union and western stock review. [volume] (Rapid City, S.D.) 1904-19??, 1905-10-20

airs. Winslow.s SOOTHING SYRUP cor Children
teethinR; poftens tho gums, reduces INN Pi
;ays pain. cures wind nnlic, 25 cent a bottle
The Black Hills union and western stock review. [volume] (Rapid City, S.D.) 1904-19??, 1905-10-20
Easy to Suit Him.


DR.. w. w. Keen. the noted surgeon of
Philadelphia, was praising speed in surgi-
cal operations. The best surgeons. he de-
c,ared, were always the swiftest. Speed
was one of the great essentials Of fine OPP
Grating, since the briefer the period passed
by the patient under the knife the greater
the chance for his complete recovery.
ON this head" DIR. Keen continued.
smiling, ''there is a story of a distin-
guished English surgeon.
He performed successfully a difficult
and delicate operation oil a millionaire
bankers wife, and, naturally, the bill he
reldere for this operation was a large
one. 1t was not exorbitant, but it was
enough-a reasonable and just bill.
THE banker, though, thought otherwise.
With an imprecation he declared the bill
to be an outrage.
why he cried. the operation took
you only ten minutes
1.-The surgeon laughed.
"''Oh,' he said, II that is your only OBJ
lection, the next time any of your ia mily
needs an operation I'll keep them two or
three hours under the knife"
The Black Hills union and western stock review. [volume] (Rapid City, S.D.) 1904-19??, 1905-10-20

Dr. David Kennedy: Fa%voritc, Remedy 4. excel.
lent for the liver, Cured me after eight years of suffer.
ing" 8. Pepron. Albany. NY. World Famous. 81.
The Black Hills union and western stock review. [volume] (Rapid City, S.D.) 1904-19??, 1905-10-20

Piso's Cure for Consumption is the best
medicine | have ever found for coughs
and coIds.-Mrs. Oscar Trip, Big Rock,
III. March 20. 1901,
The Black Hills union and western stock review. [volume] (Rapid City, S.D.) 1904-19??, 1905-10-20
ABUSING LARGE BREEDS.
The FOOD VALUE oE ALFALFA,


Those who arc familiar with the food
values Of the different grasses fed to ami
mails know that the food value of timothy
hay is badly over-estimated and yet tim
othy bings a much higher price than any
other grass which is cured for feeding
farm animals. More especially does this
state of affairs have a bearing on the
dairyman and If he will weigh the follow
ing figures well he will better understand
the great value Of alfalfa to him and learn
to raise it. Timothy has 3 per cent. of
digestible protein: clover contains some
thing over 6 per cent. while in alfalfa the
protein content Is full II per cent. surely
sufficient to warrant any man In looking
well to the growing of this valuable plant.
To the dairyman the amount of protein in
a food is of great Importance for If he
must buy 1t in grain he will always find 1t
the most expensive of the food values. If
he can grow it, as he can by raising al
falfa. why not do it? 1t is surely along
the line of buying fertilizers for nitrogen
when it may be obtained at very small cost
by growing legumeS.
The Black Hills union and western stock review. [volume] (Rapid City, S.D.) 1904-19??, 1905-10-20
GRINDING CORN FOR SWINE.

we believe in feeding swine so That they
Will have something to keep them busy
as well as for the best results to be OBJ
tanned from the grain, so We feed the corn
whole and usually on the cob until it gets
hard and finty when 1t is either shelled
and soaked a little to soften 1t or soaked
OH the cob. All other grains are ground
because 1t has been demonstrated that the
smaller grains go though the animals and
do them but little good. Carrying out the
plan of keeping the swine busy we always
have something for them to chow on:
corn stalks. squares of sod, apples. pota-
toes and other vegetables and we do not
see that they take on fat any slower he
cause of his plan Of feeding. Water, clean
and pure, is given them in clean troughs
twice a day during the winter and weknow
they thrive better for having it.
ABUSING LARGE BREEDS.
Because the large breeds of poultry like
tie Plymouth Rocks. Wyandottes. and
I others stand confinement well we fire.
quently see beginners ncgiecting their well
fare. The houses go uncleaned, feeding is
indinerently and carc!cssly done !. in
many ways the birds are left tc for
themselves. Just because a few q
lain the owner seems satisfied.
other hand, he would give the
breeds such as the Leghorns the
care simply because he understood. Il
they did not bear confinement any too We'll.
There is no more comfortable fowl than
the good old Plymouth Rock nor one that
will give better returns for good care and
food; the same Is practically true, to a
greater or less degree, with the other large
breeds and the man who neglects them is
keeping just SO much good money out Of
his 'proft-pocket."
THE FOOD VALUE OF ALFALFA.
Those who arc familiar with the food
values Of the different grasses fed to ami
mails know that the food value of timothy
hay is badly over-estimated and yet tim
The Washington times., 1905-12-24
InnHnn Dec ]

London, Dec. 16-
- through the death of the aged
Lord Leigh. an American woman
/ has become 4 peeress. and has
been installed as mistress Of Stone
leigh Abbey. the magnificent country
seat of the Leighs. There she will share
with the Countess OF Warwick the po-
sition of leading hostess OF Shake
speare's county. Before her marriage.
fifteen years ago. 10 the Hon. Francis
Dudley Leigh. who has succeeded TO
the title and estates. she was Miss
Helene Forbes Beckwith daughter Of
the late y. NJ. BeckwIth. of New York.
Besides being 4 charming woman, with
all the wit, vivacity. and adaptability
that are characteristic Of Columbia 5
fair daughters. she has two recognized
claims to social pre-emiuence. She Is
one of the best dressed women in Eng
land, and she has some amazingly fine
iewclrv. IL was she who started the
fashion of wearing an all-round jeweled
crown-a fashion which possesses the
supreme merit of beng strictly limited
to those who can make good" in hard
cash.
StoneIeigh Abbey Is situated near
KenilwoTth. which Sir Walter Scott
made immortal 1t stands on the site
OF an abbey built by Henry IL for
congregation OF Cistercian monks.
Henry VIII, who Quarreled with the
The Washington times., 1905-12-24
American Woman Becomes
Mistress of StOneleigh Abbey

Pope because pOntifical notions of mat
rimOnial obligations would not permit
him quite q many wives as he wanted
took the property from the monks and
bestowed IL on the Duke OF Suffolk
During the sixteenth century il passed
into the hands of Sir Thomas Leigh,
who was q lord mayor of London, when
lord mayors We're really elected Tha
present mansion. which was erected In
tUry, at first consisted of q long and i'm
posing range Of buildings in the Cor
inthian style. Since its erection ii has
undergone numerous alterations. and In
now one Of the finest country seats in
the EinSdom. The various apartments
contain costly pictures and statuary,
including works by Nandyke. REM
brandt HOlbein. Guido. Teniers, LEY,
GatnsbOroush, and De Wit Among
them is n me portrait by Vandyke OF
Charles |, who stayed at Stonele!gh
during the last years o. his reign. There
are also specimens OF the sculpture OF
CauOVS. BartOieni. and BaiIly A fea-
tUTe os the mansion is a beautiful pri-
of C,arTara marble. ana pictures OF ths
Cruci1iNiOn by Albert Durer and the
Virgin and Child by Perusino- In front
Of the abbey is a superb italian garden.
which was laid out by Baron Chandos
Leigh father of the late baron
The new Lord Leigh Is ffty-one years
old. For some years he acted as as
sistant secretary 10 Viscount Cross
when he was ia charge Of the India Of
fee. tIe is now member Of the Lon
don county council. where, according
10 Lord Rosebery, u man can 90 TAR
more useful work than in parliament
The Washington times., 1905-12-24
Brought Him to Their Den.

You are incapable of under
standing that. 1t is a deep wound.
Il is nay sorrow
Il listened with great interest.
Whenever / see a powerful big fell
low, it always seems to me he must
be unhappy
This world was created for small,
weak, lean, ragged people. Put a
starting into a puddle and he dies.
And frogs and leeches and all other
things Of that kind are incapable Of
living in pure, running water. This
fellow interested me vastly.
And SO we brought him into our
den and thereby frightened our host
ess not little. She believed that
we had brought him there to rob
him and was determined to go and
notify the police We pacified the
old woman by pointing to our own
cadaverous forms and then TO that
colossus with his immense arms
and broad visage and huge chest. He
could have strangled us and the old
woman without as much as getting
into a sweat And then we ordered
the pacified old woman to the tavern
and the three of us sat down to the
tablc.
I'VE sat in our miniature cave and
drank slowly, awaiting the advent
of the holiday. Our guest took off
his fur and remained in his shirt
sleeves. without his vest. He sat
opposite us and roared:
You are obviously knaves; / can
feel that. You lie when you say
you are beggaTs. You are too young
TO be beggars; and your eyes, more
over, are too brazen. But no matter
what you are, it is all the same to
me. | know that you are not
ashamed. Shame drove me away
from home
The Washington times., 1905-12-24

stock still and swinging his hands
upward, bawls in the healthiest sort
Of bass:
am he whom nobody loves,'
ut was as if he had shot the
words out of a cannon. We recoil-
ed; but he had already seen us and,
planting himself with his back to a
wall-experienced man-demanded
Who are yop scoundrels?'
'Friars mendicant,' replied Jash-
ka modestly.
'Beggars? That's proper; for l
too am poor in strength. Where are
you going?'
Into our hole replied Jashka.
"T'n 90 with you. Where else
can I go? l don't know where. Beg
gars, receive me. will feed you and
give you drink. Take me home with
you. Be friendly to me-
Invite him. whispers Jashka to
me.
III 1hS AOelL iAo fOiSS VI billS ll4n
/ heard the notes of drunkenness,
but ! heard also somewhat more
the bowling and believing Of a deep
ly wounded, stricken heart. | pos
sess a fine instinct for drama-I was
once a prOmpter In a theater-and,
so, / invited the roaring fellow to
us most insistently.
&c L accept / will dwell with you,
beggars!' he shouted with all the
vigor of his broad chest.
I'VE walked along abreast with
him and he said:
" Do you know who / am? am
one who fees from the holiday. /
am the Customs Inspector Gontsha-
row Nikoiai Dimitriewitsh, that's
who l am. have a wife at home;
children-two sons-and love them.
Flowers, pictures, books are there;
they are all mine. 1t is all nice and
coy and warm at my home. II all
that ! have at home were yours, 1t
would take you long 10 spend 1t in
drink. You are, of course, hogs and
drunkards. But II am no drunkard