The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-09-20

Horace Seymour Keller In the new YORK
Sun.
HUMOR OF THE Day
Had lots O. trouble this Year,
...oh, yes--but we was born to it,
Sheriff levied on your crop?
''Oh, yes-but that was cordin' to law.
An lightning burned your house
Yes; but ever since then I've been
Atlanta Constitution.
Tell me that I have q chance. even
You would stand a better chance with
million than in a million. Houston
Let me learn from your eyes what my
fate is to be-" sang the poet; "let them
THANK you" interrupted the lady;
they have pupils enough now. ''-Cleve-
DE righteous man got a hard row ter
but he got cotton ter sell wen de craps
all in-bless God!-Atlanta Constitution.
Diamonds are becoming more exDen-
sive every year. said the caller.
Yes answered young Mrs. Torkins,
and judging from what Charley says, so
ington Star.
vicar-well, gentlemen. what can 40
pokesman-Please, sir, we be a depVa-
to ask you to pray for fine weather for t.
'arvest.
vicar-why don't you ask your own
vicar?
spokesman-weI. strive reckon e be'unt
much good for this ere. E do be that
fond of fishin'.-Punch.
ggudgenI fins you ten dollars! ..,.,,
raise &C money!-Puck-
DE man dat starts In to drown his sor-
rows" said Uncle Eben, ''ginerally throws
EN- a life-preserver an goes under his
sf'-Washington Star.
Parson Primrose-Are you sorry you
went in the pantry and stole the cake?
Freddie-Sure, l am Ma said she'd have
given it to me, anyhow.-Judge.
Teacher-Now. Tommy, if your father
had 26 dozen eggs in his store and found
that Is of them were bad, how much would
he lose?
Tommy-Nothin'. guess you don't
know pa.-Cleveland Leader.
Auntie-How smart you look this MORN
Dolly (who has been forbidden to ask
If she may lsy. stay to teal-Weil' you see. l
did ask me- to tea could stop tconsesiencs
stricken) I haven't asked. have II
Punch.
us any one waiting on your" finally
asked the naughty saleslady, condescend-
ing ga, at last to notice the shopping person;
husband was-I left him outside-but I'm
afraid he's become Disguised and gone
home. '-Philadelphia Press.
Bgt tell me fsi 4 the pretty girl
ro1Tr IN fho obi H4r aoi1 IT,.
wen. III tel you. responded the strug.
Cling bard. When 1 send them by mail
1 am likely to get a rejection.'.'
Then you should submit them in per-
mo, then I would likely get an ejec-
ton. Chicago News.
UGH" growled Olymphian Jove. the
ambrosia tastes fierce this morning
mo wonder, dear" replied Juno, sweet
ly; you had too much nectar last night"
Philadelphia Press.
Are you going to send your son back to
NO, the coach says he hasn't chance
of making the 1even. cleveland Plain
Dealer.
de man dat goes aroun' comp1ainin' dat
dar ain, no disinterested friendship, said
tryin' to use friendship as an inves' ment."
Washington Star.
gretfully, that your boy viii never learn
to spell"
fond parent. I'm going to make a sign
painter of him, anyway. Daily
News.
What is butter today7" asked the posi-
Butter is butter today" answered the
waggish grocer, with a shrek of laughter.
Glad to hear it." said the other cheer
fully. the last 1 got here was axle
Rrea -''-CtleVeIand Leader
Cynic--tsavagely);- They say the fashion
only by looking at the nurse.
Fashionable Mother (unmovedl-H
extraordinarily clever when one changes
the baby carriage.-Harper's Bazaar.
'It's strange how the mere information of
the voice can change the entire meaning
Yes. but no matter what tone of voice
er express anything but doubt"
course you know your own business better
than do ''-Philadelphia Press.
Pauline-what do you do for the blues.
Penelope?"
Peneiope-oh, I think of the things in
my life which would be different If other
things had been different.-BrookIyn Life
what a man your father ist' exclainn-
in her hand HE says he has bought a
French clock, and shall bring 1t home with
him. What will it be good for except
as an ornament? None Of us can tell the
time by it, unless you can, Edith You
know something about French don't
you?'-Boston Transcript.
Tommy-Say, pa, why did Peary name
his ship the Roosevelt?
Pal guess he wanted to scare the
bears away from the pole, my son.-Chi-
cago Daily News.
Sometimes de man dat,s workIn' de
hardest in dis WORLD said Uncle Ehen