River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1905-08-10


Of All the Stampedes You Ever Saw.
stalls | think if any of them had start
ed to dance dad would have stampeded
in body.
We finally got back to the great mar
in a stuffed chair, surrounded by his
staff, and one of them woke him up, and
he asked dad what he thought of the
home life of a crowned head, and dad
said it beat anything he had ever seen,
and he should recommend to his govern
men that the harem system be adopted
in America, and actually the sultan
seemed pleased. He said as an evidence
of his love for America he wanted to
present to the president, through dad, SO
of his wives, and if dad would indicate
where he wanted them delivered, they
would be there, Johnny on the spot, or
words to that effect.
At first | thought dad would faint
away, but I whispered to him that it
would be discourteous to decline pres
ent, after giving the sultan gold mine,
and that may be the old man would be
SO mad, if he declined the wives, that he
would tie stones to our legs and sink
us in the Bosphorous, so dad rallied and
said, on behalf of his government, he
would accept the kindly and thoughtful
gift of his highneSS, and that he would
cable for war vessel to take the wives
to his own America. and he would notify
hn 1toT xxyh0 fn h n
load them on the vessel.
Well, sir, do not know what possessed
me to make scene, before we got out
of the presence of the sultan, but it all
came to me sudden, like an inspiration
comes to poet. had been eating some
fruit that bought in a paper bag, and
when | had eaten the last of it, won
dered what would do with the bag, and
then thought what fun it would be to
blow the bag up, and suddenly burst it,
when all was still. So blowed up the
bag, so it was as hard as bladder, and
tied a string around the neck, and
waited. | did not think how afraid
everybody in these old countries is of
bombs, or never would have done it,
honestly.
The sultan was signing some papers,
and looking out of the corners of his
eyes, to see if anybody was present who
was suspicious, and dad was getting
ready to make salam, and back out
of the presence of the ruler of Turkey,
when / got behind some of the officials
who were watching the sultan, and laid
my paper bag on the marble floor, and
it was as still as death, and all you
could hear was the scratching of the
pen, when I jumped up in the air as
though | had fit, and yelled Allah"
and came down with my whole weight
on the paper bag, and of all the STAN
pedes you ever saw, that was the worst.
You know what a noise it makes to
bust a paper bag. Well, this was the
toughest old bag ever busted, and it
sounded like cannon fired down cellar
somewhere, and the air was full of dust,
and before could get up the sultan had
tipped over the table and run yelling
into another room, praying to Allah"
and all the staff had lit out for tall tim
Der. and there was nobody left but dad
and the unique and myself. and the
unique took dad by the arm and started
for the door, and we were fired out.
AS | went out of the room / looked
around, and there was a Turks head
sticking out of every door, to see how
many had been killed by the bomb, and
as we got out doors, dad said: Now we
have to get out of Turkey before night, or
We die. Me for Egypt, boy. il we can
catch a boat before we are drawn and
quartered. So here goes for Cairo,
Egypt. Your only,
HENNERY.