davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Washington times., 1905-09-24
Cousin Elmer as a Knocker.

"I notist. too." butted IN Cousin Elmer
sulkily, as he looked up at the break In
the clouds to the west, that some pro-
fessor has found that old age is a
disease II that's a fact. that one you
sprung jist now must be about the sick
est joke in the whole gag hospittle-"
This country amt none behind the
others in big doin's just now" said
Uncle Eek, ignoring the interruption
Besides ther Rooshian and Japan visi-
tors and their COINS and cOmin's. and
sicknesses and recoveries, and their
visits 10 rogues' galleries. 1hey's the
failure of the sardeen crop. Maybe that
amt in this country. but firm what I
seen when I was In the cities few
weeks ago, the sardeen crop is goin' to
be heavy until the street railroad COM
panies takes a notion 10 put on moro
cars. All the crowds needed that 1 seen
on the ears was a leetle dressin' OF oil
TO make EN- ready for commerce And
ridin' IN there amongst them that had
been takin' drinks and eatin' inyuns,
and them that used their bath tubs only
for coal bins, and them that used per-
fumery. 1 was more'n ever convinced
that them scientists was right that said
The sardeen belonged TO the smelt
family.
..Speakin' of Pitchburg,' went on
Uncle Eek. I've been hearin' bad stories
about that town lately. | heerd that
the birth rate there was runnin down
20 beat the band Last time 1 was
there and bought a sleeper ticket for
Injinapolis l didn't notis no lowerin' OF
the berth rate But it's 4 dirty shame
II they are arranging 10 have fewer ba-
bies In the world Nowadays when
woman starts to fall in love with 9
feiIe- she IS skeered speachless for fear
II she marries him she'll haf 10 miss
dance or a reception or a afternoon pink
tea on account of having 10 be what
nacher made her fer =
But, seeing that Uncle Eek was riding
his hobby. Elmer headed him of with
this apt and wen-known quotation:
The hand that knocks the cradle v
the hand that fools the world"
Copyright. 1905. by s s Chns9
The Washington times., 1905-09-24
Patriotism and Insanity.

"A mighty good indication OF the diff
ferent ways the peace negotiations af-
fected the different makers of 'em is
found in the fact that while Witte and
Rosen was skylarkin around Washing
ton. D. c.. and Washington, Deceased.
in gasolene man-killcrs and a-planting
bushes and so on, Mister Komura OBJ
scura. was a-layin' IN a room at the
WaUed-oY Castoria with pain in him
somewheres But maybe he was only
,-nIavin' sick, because he believed IL
would be healthier for him even to have
tvphotd fever IN Moo York than to be
AT nome in Tokyo able TO eat three
square meals a day. Them fellers that
made the treaty of peace amt popular
In Tokyo none
.aThem little human hornets over
there In Japan amt got no sense at ali
when IL comes 10 joggrafy. They had a
The Washington times., 1905-09-24

Well (as the narrative style per-
mits us to say infrequently) Petit
went to pieces All those pains,
those lovers doubts, those heart
burnings and tremors Of which he
had written so unconvincingly were
his Talk about Shylock's pound Of
flesh. Twenty-Five pounds Cupid got
from Petit Which is the usurer?
One night Petit came to my room
exalted. Pale and haggard. but ex-
alted. She had given him a jonquil.
"Old Hoss," said she, with a new
smile Pickering around his mouth,
'T believe l could write that story
tonight-the one, you know, that u
to win out I can feel It I don't
know whether 1t will come out or
not, but can feel It."
1 pushed him out Of my door.
Go to your room and write t."
ordered. Elise I can see your finish
told you this must come first.
Write 1t tonight and put 1t under
my door when 1t is done. Put IL
under my door tonight when 1t In
flnished-don't keep 1t until tomor-
row."
/ was reading my bully old cynic
Montaigne at o'clock. when I
heard the sheets rustic under my
door. l gathered them up and read
the story.
The Kissing et geese, the langufsh-
ing cooling Of doves, the braytng Of
donkeys, the chatter of irresponsible
sparrows-these were in my minds
ears as read. Suffering Sapho!" I
exclaimed to myself, ''Is this the d.
vine fire that is supposed to ignite
genius and make it practicable and
wage -earning?"
The story was sentimental drtvel,
full of whimpering soft-heartedness
and gushing egoism- All the art that
Petit had acquired was gone A
persual of it's buttery phrases would
have made a cynic Of signing
schambermaid-
In the morning Petit came to my
room. I read him his doom merci-
lessly. He laughed idiotically.
"All right, Old Hoss," he said.
cheerily, make cigar lighters OF it
What's the difference? We're going
to lunch at Claremont today"
There was about a month Of It
And then Petit came to me bearing
an invisible mitten, with the forti-
tude of dish-rag., He talked of the
grave and South Africa, and prussia
acid; and lost an afternoon getting
him straight I took him out and
saw that large and curative doses OF
whisky were administered TO him.
warned you this was true story
ware your ribbon If you follow
this tale. For two weeks fed him
whisky and Omar, and read to him
regularly every evening the column
in the evening paper that reveals
the secrets of female beauty | re-
commend the treatment.
After Petit was cured he wrote
more stories. He recovered his old
facility and did work just short OF
good enough. Then the curtain rose
on the third act
A little dark-eyed, silent girl from
Continued on Page Five. this Section.
The Washington times., 1905-09-24
The Tale Of d Woud-Be Author, Who Was
Steered Up Against the Editors OF Large
City, and What They Did to Him

general store in little town called
Piqua. Petit had been raised in the
pine woods and broomsedge fields
adjacent thereto. He had in his
gripsack two manuscript novels of
the adventures in Picardy of one
CASTOR Laboulaye, Vicompte de
Montrepos, in the year 1929. That's
nothing. We all do that. And some
day when we make a hit with the
little sketch about newsy and his
lame dog, the editor prints the other
one for us-or ION u.s." as the saying
is-and then-and then We have to
get big valise and peddle those
patent air-draft gas burners At
$125 everybody should have 'em.
/ took Petit to the red brick house
which was to appear in an article
entitled Literary Land Marks Of
Old New York" some day when we
got through with 1t. He engaged
room there, drawing on the general
store for his expenses. I showed
New York to him, and he did not
mention how much narrower Broad
way is than Lee avenue in Mont
gomery. This seemed a good sign,
SO / put the final test
Suppose you try your hand at a
descriptive article" l suggested,
giving your impressions of New
York as seen from the Brooklyn
bridge. The fresh point of view,
the
Don't be fool" said Petit.
Let's go have some beer. On the
whole I rather like the city"
We discovered and enjoyed the
only true Bohemia. Every day and
night we repaired to one of those
places of marble and glass and tile
work where goes on q tremendous
and sounding epic of life. Valhalla
itself could not be more glorious and
sonorous. The classic marble on
which we ate, the great, light-fiood-
ed, vitreous front, adorned with
snow-white scrolls; the grand, Wag.
merriam din Of clanlking cups and
bowls, the flashing staccato Of
brandishing cutlery, the piercing
recitative Of the white-apronet
grub-maidens bearing tankards ant
beakers to the struggling mass o.
jabbering mortals elbowing one an
other at the morgue-like banQue
tables: the recurrent lied-motif o
tho cash register-it was a gigantic
symbolic, triumphant welding of ar
AMI sound, a deafening, soul-uplift
ing pageant Of heroic and emble
matte life. And the beans were onl,
10 cents. We wondered why OIL
fellow-artists cared to dine at Sal
little tables In their so-called Bohe
mian restaurants; and we shudder
ed lest they should seek out our re
sorts and make them conspicuou
with their presence.
The Washington times., 1905-09-24

Continued on Page Five. this section-)
The Washington times., 1905-09-24
Started a Run On the Bank.

'Yurrup," snorted Uncle Eek. as he
cut so deeply into the stick he was
whiting as to spoil the ship hull he
was carving out for Mandy's boy twin.
.'Yurrup; 'tain't alone in Europe that
things is doin'. They's excitement in
Ay-shy, Afferky. United States and Moo
Jersey. In Bake-you." on tn line-fence
between Pe1shy and Rooshy. tn milk
of human kindness has all turned L
Kurds while the cream of the Tartar
army is gettin' busy killing Armenians
and things. i dono whether they named
that Alas river before or after what's
been happenin' there, and some paper l
was a-reading last week said tn Ar
nenians had started a run on tn
Persian bank of that stream. II them
Armenians is like tn one that was
through here last year and sold Mandy $
man a four-doliar rug for sixty-two
bones. they don't git no sympathy fro:si
me, now lemme tell you. Then all them
Armenian and Tartar towns bears hard
names-they's Elizabethpol and Zan-
rezurski and all sich Jaw smashers as
that wy it's enough t start riot
The Washington times., 1905-09-24

HERE are a few editor
kAE4@ E4 men with whom 1 am
k00N&E "a privileged to come in
nSV6TSS2 contact. 1t has not
Es0s1SxG been long since it was
their habit to come in
contact with me- There is a differ
ence.
They tell me that with a large
number of the manuscripts that are
submitted to them come advices Tin
the way of a boast) from the author
asseverating that the incidents in the
story are true The destination of
such contributions depends wholly
upon the question of the inclosure
of stamps. Some are returned, the
rest are thrown on the floor in a
corner on top of a pair of gum
shoes and an overturned statuette of
the winged Victory and pile of old
magazines containing picture of
the editor in the act of reading the
latest copy of lie Pettit-Journal, right
side up-you can tell by the illus
trations 1t is only a legend that
there are baskets in editors offices.
Thus is truth held in disrepute.
But in time truth and science and
nature Will adapt themselves TO art.
Things will happen logically. and
the villain be discounted instead Of
being elected to the board of di-
rectors. But in the meantime flc-
ton must not only be divorced from
fact, but must pay alimony and be
awarded custody of the press des-
patches.
This preamble IS to warn you OF
the grade crossing of true story.
Being that, IT shall be told simply,
with conjunctions substituted for
adjectives wherever possible, and
whatever evidences OF style may ap-
pear in it shall be due to the limo
type man. 1t is a story of the lit
erary life in a great city, and il
should be of interest to every author
within a 200-mile radius OF Gosport
Ind, whose desk holds a MS. story
beginning thus: While the cheer:
following his nomination were still
ringing through the old courthouse
Harwood broke away from the con
graduating handclasps of his hench
men and hurried to Judge Creswell'
house to find Ida"
Petit came up out of Alabama t,
write fiction. The Southern paper
had printed eight of his storie
under an editorial caption identify
ing the author as the son Of 9Th
gallant Major Pettingill Petit, ou
former county attorney and hero o
the battle of Lookout mountain"
Petit was a rugged fellow, wit
a kind of shamefaced culture, an
my good friend. His father kept
The Washington times., 1905-09-24

Japan is always held up so clost to his
peeper that all the rest OF the world
looks like postage stamp beside 4
circus tent If that's the kind OF insanity
that comes of the kind of paterotism
they is I'm graftless county; it's just
possible that Ieetle graft is a. handy
thing to have in the house in case o.
The Washington times., 1905-09-24

idea that within about two weeks their
victorious armies would be marchin' in
to MOSCOW and Warsaw, Indiana, and
stoppin' the labor riots They thought
il was about four miles, as the Rooshian
soljer flies from Sakaleen to Peterhof
When a Japanese person thinks of the
world he has q pictur' in his eye, but
The Washington times., 1905-09-24
UNDER THE POST OFFICE AWNING

sickness. The reason they's no graft IN
Japan. probably, is because OF religf-
Gus prejudice against raisin' anything
but Buddha-ed fruit. Gee, Didn't none
o. you slunkheads git that up2 It's
enough 20 make a feller quit springin'
gags altogether
The Washington times., 1905-09-24
ARN Nohsez'Eak10zzs IyZncze Eek.
Hzzh LNzNnZ Elmer as auAtu<zzx:
By STRICKLAND W. GILLIAN.

SHOWER caught the
:: :: :: :: :: :: !:
7y]k ~ crowd under the awning
4tHA VI at Rawlins' store. which
kkYaHsM is. by a strange village
coincidence, also the
postoffice. Uncle Eek
and Cousin Elmer were Inevitably pres
ent, as the o'clock mail had iust been
distributed, and each had been to see
that there was nothing for him. Each
had done this for many years and as
usual breathed a sign Of relief because
the constantly anticipated letter did
not arrive.
Taking a sea. on a soap box where he
could expectorate into the running
stream from the tin cave spout. Elmer
said:
Beats all how dull things is here
In Poke Root, while they's something
doing every minute IN Europe"
The Washington times., 1905-09-24

Copyright 1906 by the Press Publishing
Company. New York Horld.)
Ellsworth American. [volume] (Ellsworth, Me.) 1855-current, 1905-09-06
l-=nnlv COUNTY naner-=Sl. so ner yea,
with Maine in 1868, taking part in all
the campaigns of that regiment.

with Maine in 1868, taking part in all
the campaigns of that regiment.
Joseph o. Smith, editor of the Somerset
Reporter, formerly secretary of State, and
for many years among the most infiuen-
tial citizens of his county, died at his
home in Skowhegan Friday, aged sixty
six years. He has been editor of the
Reporter since 1878. He was clerk of the
republican State committee for five years
when James G. Blaine was chairman, and
served twelve years continuously on the
republican State committee for Somerset
county. He was member of the House
of Representatives in 1869 and 1870; assist
ant clerk of the House in 1872 and 1873;
deputy secretary of State for the four
years ending 1880; secretary of State from
18S1-S4, and insurance commissioner of
Maine from 1885 to January, 1894.
Ellsworth American. [volume] (Ellsworth, Me.) 1855-current, 1905-09-06
Maine at Portland Exhibition.

The last State legislature appointed a
commission for the Maine exhibit at the
Lewis and Clark exposition in Portland,
Ore, but made no appropriation for it,
leaving the necessary funds to be raised by
private subscriptions.
The commission went ahead with the
erection of the Maine building, which is
reproduction of the birthplace of Long
fellow at Portland, Me. More than 500
people daily are visiting the Maine build
ing, and all express themselves as pleased
with the exhibit.
The commission is now asking for SUBJ
scriptions to pay for the building, and
State pride should insure hearty response
to the request. Subscriptions should be
sent direct to the Maine State Building,
Exposition Grounds, Portland, Ore.
Ellsworth American. [volume] (Ellsworth, Me.) 1855-current, 1905-09-06
ITO be continued J.
THE BUSHIDO.
1IoraI Doctrines of the Snmurai That
Rule In Japan.

1.-The bushido' means 1.-THE moral doc
tribes of the samurai" and they are
obeyed by all the statesmen. soldiers
and scholars of Japan of the present
time with as much holy respect as the
Christians reverence for the Bible
and its teachings. In Japan Buddhism
is the popular religion, but Buddhist
teachings are not respected by educat-
ed men or soldiers. In fact. most of
them are atheists or agnostics, who
do not believe in any religion but the
doctrines of '.the bushido."
The bushido.' for instance, teaches
man or woman to have the courage to
perform the hara kiri if he or she COM
mits serious oirense, The spirit of
this doctrine is that the offender should
kill himself instead of waiting to be
executed by the law, which latter is
considered in Japan as one of the most
cowardly thing. The bushido" also
teaches that the life of n Japanese is
a gift of the holy mikado. and if the
country needs the lives of her people
they should be given gladly, for that
is only to return TO the mikado what
they have received from him.
To die on the battlefield is the only
key for a japanese to find his way to
his Shnto heaven, and the soldiers
who were not killed on the battlefield
are considered unfortunate. 1t is main
tanned in Japan that If a man gives
you a favor or money or pleasure you
should return it with more than what
was given to you.-Hydesaburo ohashi
In Leslie's Weekly.
Ellsworth American. [volume] (Ellsworth, Me.) 1855-current, 1905-09-06
KITTERY TO CARIBOU.

The thirty-third reunion of the first
Maine cavalry will be held at Lewiston
Wednesday, Sept. 10.
The annual reunion of the twenty fourth
and twenty-eighth Maine regimental as
ISOLATION will be held at North Arson,
Thursday, Sept. 2S.
Frank t. Faulkner lost his life in fire
which destroyed his wooden mill at Turner
Sunday. He was overcome by smok e
while fighting the fire. The monetary loss
is $4,000.
Fire Thursday night destroyed the blue
berry canning factory owned by J. A
Coffin at Columbia Falls, together With a
tenement house owned by j. A. Crandon
and occupied by w. E. Doherty. The loss
will be about $4,000.
Forest fires last week destroyed the
shingle mill of Weeks Bros. and the half
dozen dwelling houses in the village of
Weeksboro. The loss is estimated at
$4,000. Forest fires have been raging in
various parts of Aroostook county, and
many camps and isolated buildings have
DttH
The Congregational church at Vance
boro, large stable owned by c. F. Keef
and two unoccupied dwellings were
burned Thursday by fire which originated
from the ruins of an old tannery. Several
buildings caught four or five times, and
for time the town was threatened. The
loss is estimated at $4,000. All the insur-
ance carried upon the church was per-
mitted to lapse short time ago.
Maj. Gideon A. Hastings, of Bethel, died
last Thursday at the home of his son,
Herbert A. Hastings, at Roseburg, Ore.
He was born in Bethel in 1921 and always
lived there, being largely engaged in lum-
bering and having large timber interests
in the northern port of the county. Maj.
Hastings enlisted in the Civil war in 1851
and was commissioned major of the
Ellsworth American. [volume] (Ellsworth, Me.) 1855-current, 1905-09-06
LAW REeARpINa WEIGHTS ANp MEASURES

LAW REGARDING WEIGHTS AND MEASURES.
bushel of Liverpool salt shall weigh so
pounds, and bushel of Turks Island salt shall
weigh 70 pounds.
The standard weight of bushel of potatoes
IN good order and ht for shipping, is go pounds,
of apples, A pounds.
The standard weight of bushel of beans in
good order and fit for shipping. is 81 pounds
Of wheat. beets, ruta- baga turnips and peas, 80
pounds; of corn. SO pounds; of onions, 81
pounds; OF carrots, English turnips, rye and
Indian meal, so pounds; of parsnips, As pounds
OF barley and buckwheat. as pounds; of oats,
81 pounds, or even measure as by agreement.
Ellsworth American. [volume] (Ellsworth, Me.) 1855-current, 1905-09-06
Are You Engaged i.

after marriage, many quarrels can be
avoided by Keeping their digestions in
good condition with Electric Bitters. s.
A. Brown, of Bennettsville, s. c., says;
HFor years my wife suffered intensely
from dyspepsia, complicated with tor
pid liver, until she lost her strength and
vigor and became a mere wreck of her
former self. Then she tried Electric
Bitters, which helped her at once, and
finally made her entirely well. She is now
strong and healthy Z. G. Moore, drug
gist, sells and guarantees them, at SOC a
bottle.
Ellsworth American. [volume] (Ellsworth, Me.) 1855-current, 1905-09-06
Cucumber Pickles

Pack the eucumbers in the jar. To one
gallon of vinegar add one cup salt, one
half-cup mustard. II less vinegar is used,
reduce accordingly. For picked onions
and string beans it is excellent. Do not
heat the vinegar, Just pour over as mixed.
Ellsworth American. [volume] (Ellsworth, Me.) 1855-current, 1905-09-06

4. Sarah, born jan 4, 1856, and died in
1912, unmarried.
5. James, born April 80, 17ss, and died
Aug. 1, 1913.
6. Azor, born April Z, 1871, married
Chloe Parker, Oct. "a, 1916
Z. John, born Dec. q, 1913, and died
Dec. 20, 1898.
ii. Joseph, born November, 1854, mar
| ried Abigail Carter, Jan. Z, 1777. His
death was caused by fall on the ice Jan.
u, .S3i, at the age of nearly so. His wife,
| Abigail Carter, died the same month and
year. They he'd nine children as follows:
l. Hannah, born Sept. II, 177s, married
Elisha Viles, of Orland, in 1901.
2. Polly, born Aug. %, 1873, and died
Dee. q, 1881.
3. William, born March Is, 1882, and
died Nov. %, 1916.
4. Pelly, born March 1, 1884, and died
March "A, 1857.
.. Joseph, born Oct. 16, 1857, married
Sarah Friend, Sept. 10, 1908.
s. Abigail, born May q, 1870, married
Samuel Morse, ir., Oct. Is, 1913.
- t'uoAhhdI, bpEu lf5-.
Joseph Carter, Oct. IS, 1913.
s. Oliver, born Oct. 10, 1874, and died
Aug. 4, 1913.
8. Sands, born April 8, 1876, married
Abigail Norris, Sept. 10, 1918.
iii. Betty, born February, 1853, married
LIST, James Day, Dec. 2, 1776. He was born
in Beverly, Mass, in 1851, came to Blue
II L Il a. -.
aged 81 years. They had children as fol-
lows:
1. James, born April 20, 1776, married
Nancy Yates, he drowned Nov. IS, 1850
2. Lydia Bennett, born Oct. Is, 1777,
married Elisha Dodge.
8. Mary, born Nov. 2, 177S.
A. Betbiah, born Sept. 10, 1880, died
February, 1867, unmarried.
5. A daughter, lived nine days.
8. Jonathan, lived seven weeks.
7. Elizabeth, born Nov. II, 1884.
s. Hannah, born November II, 1884.
8 and 10. Twin boys, one still born,
the other lived three days.
Ii. Jonathan, born October 16, 1870,
died February IS, 1859.
IL. Ebenezer, born April 20, 1872, mar
ried Mary Carter.
10. Lucy, born August Is, 1874, married
Peter Mcfarland, ir.
ii. Andrew, born December IS, 1896.
Is. Timothy, born February %, 1913,
drowned July IL, 1926.
10, 1902.
Betty Candage Day, married second Caleb
Merrill May II, 1903, by whom she had one
son Isaac, born May 5, 1901. Caleb Mer-
rill died Aug. II, 1925, aged So years, and
his widow died April 4, 1880, aged II.
Their son Isaac died December IS, 1881, in
his 18th year.
iv. John, born May 10, 1859, married
Charity Roundy Gooding, widow, and
daughter OF John Roundy. She had a
daughter, Betty Gooding, by her first
husband, and by her second, John Can
dage, she had
l. Phebe, born August %, 1898, died
December IS, 1859, unmarried.
2. Ruth, born January 10, 1897, died,
unmarried.
John Candage died July 20, 1922, aged
63. His widow, born in Beverly, Mass,
November %, 1855, died at Blue Hill,
December 10, 1919, aged 81 years.
V. Lydia, born August 1853, married
Henry Carter, November %, 1888. Their
children were
l. Elizabeth, born, married Peter
Mcfarland, ST.
2. Simeon, born Dec. q, 1900, married
joan, he died in 1868.
8. Richard, born June II, 1904, married
and lived in Sedgwick.
vi. Lucy, born August 10, 1867, at Blue
Hill, married Thomas Carter. Dates of
their marriage, births and number of
their children and their deaths are not
known to me.
ITO be continued
Ellsworth American. [volume] (Ellsworth, Me.) 1855-current, 1905-09-06

He may we'll think he has got off cheap,
who, after, having contracted constipation
or indigestion, is still able to perfectly
restore his health. Nothing will do this
but DR.. Kings New Life Pills. quick,
pleasant and certain cure for headache,
constipation, etc. Csc at E. G. Moore's
drug store; guaranteed.
Ellsworth American. [volume] (Ellsworth, Me.) 1855-current, 1905-09-06

A man may not be too old to learn, but
he may be too old to realize it.