Chicago eagle. [volume] (Chicago, Ill.) 1889-19??, 1905-05-13

HUMOROUS

man at the door. ma. who says he
wants to "see the boss of the house."
PATEL your mother. Ma calling
downstairs)--Tell Bridget.
Fashionablc--First Lady-rm TAX.
ing four kinds Of medicine. How many
are you taking? Second Lady--Oh,
medicines don't count. Operations are
all the go now. I've had three.
How 1t Is Done-"JOsiah," said
Mrs. Chugwater, "when one Of the big
bnttleships runs aground. how do they
get 1t orr "They pull 1t of with q
tug Of war; answered Mr.. Chug.
water.
When asked by her teacher to de-
scribe the backbone, u Norborne school
girl said: "The backbone Is something
that holds up the head and ribs and
keeps one from having legs clear up
to the neck."-Ex.
The Swallows" llome.--Schooi
Teachcr-Whnt little boy can tell me
where the home of the swallow is?
Bobby kin. School Teacher--Wcll.
Bobby? Bobby--'rhe home Of the
swallow Is the stummick.
Twins.-"Quite an interesting thing
happened at NupOps house last night"
"There were two interesting things"
IL only heard of one; the arrival OF
u son and heir. What was the 9th.
err "The arrival Of another son and
heir"
Trying TO Explain. --"Josiar." said
Mrs. COrntosscl. what Is these negli.
Jay shirts l see advertised In the bar
gain Slles!" "Well. they amt quite so
prim an scratchy as u billed shirt
that Is to say. Il regular hard-biled
shirt l reckon a neglijay Is what you
might call a soft.biled shirt"
Good Invention ?-Inycntor-I'ye hit
q money. making thing at last. 1t Is
u church contribution box. Friend
What good IL thatY lnventOr--lts q
triumph. The coins fall through slots
Of different sizes, and halves, quarters
and dimes land Oh velvet, but the
nickels and pennies drop OH u Chinese
gong.
Lamb Rcncwod.-Tbe proprietor Of
n German menagcric keeps Gagged to.
| gether a lion. u tiger. II wolf, and a
lamb. which he labels ",rhe Happy
Family When asked contidcntially,
how long these animals had lived to.
gethcr, he answered.: Ten months; but
the lamb has had to he renewed occa.
sionally."
Pellet Is certainly the most absent.
minded man | ever saw. Wedcrly-ls
that sOY SinglctOn--Ics; lie was mar.
ricd last week, AMI during the cere.
| mOny, when he should have placed 3
ring Oh the brides finger, he actually
felt her pulse ana asked her to put cut
her tongue.
Impcrialism.-It hnppcncd Mt q
meeting of club women, who were set.
| Ting various complicated information.
| al, national and civic affairs with their
usual facility. "Do you believe In i'm.
| pcrialism!' asked the speaker. Mrs.
| StrOngmind rose instantly. In the
| family" she said, Il do" The up.
plause was deafening.
Profitable Tree,--"No. SIR" said DR..
Mixture 81 would no. have TINT tree
chr down for any money" "But Won
never get any fruit from IT," argued
Mr., Brown; the boys steal an the ap.
ples from 1t before they are half ripe"
THAT'S Just it," replied the doctor
i with a benigrant smile. that tree
brings me In u clear $1,000 every
year"
R.cinrocitv "rbcse shoes doctor 4"
s,iL I'm. cohhlcr, nf,,r a hrlef .xomi.
nation, ",in't worth men,linp." "Then.
M cn,,rs." sail IN. Jn,,nr TURNING
away 81 dom, wan, ,ny,bin, don. N
them" .Rnt I rhnr., Won tif,v ccnts
,ws, ,,o s,m,n "wh,, Fans - .>v.I,
sIr ynu ,.h,ry.1 ma uvo dollars m.
.,h.r I,, ,nr ,o,,,n. m, ,hor, w,sn.,
onw,h,n~ ,ho n,,,.r win m."
VS.. '
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shes LOST "' 'he s"o' oheS sue ',"u'
anu WISH 70" u "''Nc "'r co'hll"te
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