The Baltimore County union. [volume] (Towsontown, Md.) 1865-1909, 1905-05-06
ODDLY NAMED TOWNS.

nc udLu6S VI SOuC lOWnS Al t--~
United States probably cause their
inhabitants considerable vexation
when away from home, says the en-
caro- Chronicle. These names have
certain peculiar meanings in everyday
talk and as soon as they are men,
toned they are apt to prompt trouble
some questions by funmakers. For
example, the man from Alone, KY,
might have to explain to stranger
living in New York how he could do
business if he were the only inhabi-
tant and how the excise laws were
enforced if the barkeeper, the topper,
the policeman and the magistrate
were all one and the same and in case
there were more than one person in
Alone if all were bachelors and old
maids. Citizens of Lonely, N. c.,
and Lonesome, KY, would encoun-
ter much the same sort of questions,
and all, of course, would finally be
asked if they were once Jersey COM
muters.
If man hailed from Affinity, N.
c., he would naturally be supposed
to be married and his home life an
unpunctuated chapter of bliss. He
would be expected to wear as wide a
smile as the citizen of Joy or Happy,
Tex, or Paradise, Colo, with tenn
per as subdued as the inhabitants of
Purity, MINI. What would happen,
however, if the man from Affinity
should meet man from Peace, Ala,
would, indeed, be problematical.
They might, after the fashion of some
westerners, boom the merits of their
respective towns with such ardor that
at last these representatives OF Peace
and affinity would come to blows.
They might at last develop as much
disrelish for each other as the citi-
zens of Cream, Wis, who should
chance to take dinner with citizen
of Caviar, NJ. On the other hand,
they might become as chummy as the
townsmen of those three towns in the
states of Colorado, Oregon and West
Virginia which all bear the name of
Crook.
Anyone coming from Eye, N. c.,
could hardly expect to join the New
York police force and find things con-
genial. If he was a native of Lax,
Ala, or Blind Bay, La, on the con-
trary, his duties as metropolitan
blue-coat might prove congenial. If
he said he was from Sodom, O., he
would most likely be told that his
own town must need his services
more. If he replied that it didn't,
he might be recommended to try to
get position in Pluto, Miss.
Near the Greene river in Kentucky
and several miles south of Lewiston
there is town by the name of Pig.
1t has never been recorded i'll any his
tory of the United States whether the
characteristics of the people of Pig
are any different from those of the
people of Lamb, ILL.,, or Chickies, Pa.
This is certainly to be regretted. 1t
would certainly be interesting to know
if the worthy burghers Of Pig are any
more happy and contented than other
human beings, whether they have
such ills as insomnia, nervous pros
tration or melancholia whether there
is any sale in Pig for appetizers, and
what the good people do on Fridays.
Should a woman from Big Foot,
Tex, or Antiquity, o., advertise for
a husbandi it is safe to say she would
not get as many answers as woman
from Beauty, w. Va. The man who
hailed from Jug, Ala, might have
more difficulty in being electedto the
White Ribbon society than his con-
temporary from Dry Town, Cal. The
native of Magic, Ala, would no doubt
be welcomed by certain Wall street
officers where citizen from Fairplay,
Wis, would find the door shut.
Should the woman from Alamode,
Ca, or Fashion, Ca, meet woman
from Jaysville, O., the two might get
into such controversy that at the
end they would both be believed to
be natives of Loonleysville, N. Y.
The citizen of Fossil, Ore, unlike
the citizen of Quick, Neb., would no
doubt feel very much at home in
Philadelphia, aud for much the same
reasons the representative of Fact,
Kan, would find congenial atmos-
phere in Boston. Vegetarians should
go to Grass, S. D.
Anyone might think that Ice, Ca,
would become a more popular sum-
mer resort than He'll Hole, Colo. A
Jury made up of men half of whom
were born in Japan, Mo-, and the
other half in Russia, N. Y, would be
pretty sure to disagree. At any rate,
they would not call in man from
lingo, Tenn, for a peacemaker.
Should the girl from Leapyear, Tenn,
become dissatisfied with the things at
home there is little danger Of her set
thing in Bachelor, Mich. Neither
would the man from Langor, Mimi,
think of moving to Jump, O.
A man may travel from Dan to
Beersheba nowadays and think it a
very short journey. There is Dar
in Kentucky and Beersheba ovei
the line in Tennessee. Neither is
the trip from London to Pekin long
one in the United States. Ohio con-
tains both a Pekin and London
and it is not long journey from
Whisky Buttes, Mont, to Sever
Devils, Ida.
"AMoNG a lot of letters received
in answer to an advertisement" sale
business man, "there was one thai
inclined me toward its writer, excep
that / couldn't read the signature
Every word'in the body of the lettel
was clear, but the signature was illeg
ible. l don t know how many people
there are who write plainly enough
until they come to write their owl
name, and then write that blindly
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