Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1905-07-22

f. .naa a. -r - w
was undeceived. AS they came up
and halted and formed a ring around
me the leader asked: e
"Hain't your cognomen Pilgrim
JoeY
''The same, thank ye," I replied.
"Are you single mann"
Reasonably single. That is, I've
got an old woman back in Indiany
whom haven't seen nor heard Of for
seven years. No tellin' when she'll
turn up, however"
"She don't count" says the man.
Back yere two miles is a grievin'
widder. She's been a widder for three
years, and is grievin' because she can't
catch a man. Her case has appealed to
our sympathies and teched our hearts.
Day by day we have sawn her droopin
and pinin' for partner, but he has
came not"
cts case where my Alleviator will
git in its work." said. after takin'
one bottle, she'll kick up her heels like
spring colt, and after takin' two she'll
set out and travel till she finds a
proper man. I've never knowed it to
fail"
"And it won't fail this time, cause
why? Cause we are goin' to take you
along with us and give the widder a
husband"
"But how kin marry her?'
"Easy as pie, and it's got to be done.
Come on"
I would have resisted with carnal
force, but they was too many for me.
In half an hour we reached the wild
der's, and she come to the door and
looked me over.
"Will he do?" asked the leader of the
mob.
IL reckon he'll have to, as there
hain't nothin' better In sight. Old man,
dost sigh for a birdie?"
'Not a burned sigh! Wilder woman,
I want to tell you that I've got an old
wife In Indiany."
"But that don't bluff me. Say that
you love me ais you have never loved
before" -
refused to do so, and what did that
crowd Of critters do? One of 'em
claimed to have been a preacher In
Missouri before he stole a cow and had
to fee to the Wild, wild west, and they
hauled me of my wagon while he said
the marriage ceremony. Then they
threatened me with dire pains and pen
alties If ran away, raised their hats
to the late wilder, and mint later
galloped away and left us eooin' ON the
doorstep. They had fastened a rope
around my neck and given her the end
to hold. .
"Joey, dear" she says when they had
departed, "why this coldness OF de-
meanor lords your birdiey
"Git out!' says. -
"Does that mean that thou dost not
love to dwell with me?"
'It dost."
"Dost it mean that thou wilt not sit
here with me when the sun goes down
and the gloamin' comes and recite
poetry In my ear and tell me tales Of
love and romancew
"I'll never even squeeze your hand"
'Say not SO, my Joey. l would that
I could be cast on some fair isle with
thee, there to dwell forever and for
ever. When the daylight faded softly
into night; when the stars came forth
to tell their love; when the great, white
moon looked down upon US as we whis-
pered our tales of love-
Forget itv' yelled.
Forget it? Never! Not on your
life! Joey, my frolicsome darling
my pet lambkin''-
And then I broke away and ran for
the wagon. She made a grab for me
and missed, and with one tremendous
bound I reached the seat and put the
CAD on the old boss and liberty was
mine agin. The wilder woman who
had lost her Joey followed me for a
mile, sometimes gainin' and sometimes
losin', but eventually my lucky angel,
backed by my wonderful Pilgrim Pain
Alleviator, triumphed over all things,
and she gave up in despair and turned
her face homeward. Allus shake the
bottle before usin'. M. QUAD.