davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Monte Vista journal., 1905-01-28

A carriage rolled by the Harp com.
Ing from the sea. Captain Slower lay
down his pot OF beer and looked at a
ing with wistful expression at the
inn. Mr.. Twitchett had no pot to lay
down. but he looked and 30 did the
landlord. -t-
That's 'im." said the landlord. "nev.
Or notices nobody"
Hes rich." explained the captain.
he could put down . pun for every
fArden in Portham. He's above poor
people"
why do they cali In. 'onorable!"
inquired Mr.. Twitchett. winkinE at the
landlord rs II he had propounded .
poser to the captain.
Because he's made his money
cican." replied the skipper" when u
mans rich and didn't steal his money
the king lets i'm call hisse!f honor.
able"
Dazed at this sudden solution OF the
problem Mr.. Twitchett subsidized.
"E's a stuck up. nasty haristocrat."
snapped the landlord.
III gun uuuOuuCcu Tue skipper.
Il sail on the ebb and I've lots to do.
Next Monday week Elizy gets mar.
ried.''
And the captain gulping down his
beer. fastened toward the wharf.
Mr.. Adolphus Walker had leased
Penn Lodge for an Indefinite time.
Forthnm at once dubbed him Honor
able" and bowed down TO him. The
nearest approach the town had had.
hitherto. Of talking about Its aristo-
cratic citizens Was to allude vaguely
TO a marquis who lived thirty miles
inland and who had carefully avoided
setting his foot In the town. But Mr.
Walker was exclusive. He spake to
NO ,nnn and naturally no man In Port.
han, dared TO speak to him. Portham
boas:cd Of him and. In Its heart hated
him for tho hsughtiness OF which II
boosted. Very little was known OF
Mr. Walker. Tho servants. brought
from London. were creatures OF rigid
statelincss and never came TO the
Harp. Portham. as = dire necessity.
wrote the history OF Mr. Walker to
suit itself
Tin eois' to have Ned Butts to the
woddIn'." remarked tho skipper. ss
tho schooner dropped down Portham
Bay. bound for London.
"ow. when your people won't ave
The Monte Vista journal., 1905-01-28
In Choata.

When Ambassador Choate was lead.
c. OF the New York bar many a fiedge.
ling lawyer had fling at him. There
was scarcely an attorney who was not
afraid Of him In open court. but else.
where an occasional display Of cour.
age and impudence would be made.
One day In the Lawyers club a bud.
ding pundit, now n highly successful
practitioner. observing Mr.. Choate at
a neighboring table. asked In n voice
meant for others to hear:
"Ah. counsellor. why WAS your
luncheon so rudimcntary?"
Perhaps you can explain" said the
legal light. dryly.
Because It's In Choate." was the
reply.
Your play upon my name" return.
ed Choate. drawing out the words with
keen emphasis. painfully exposes the
profoundness OF your ignorance. The
luncheon, sir may be In Choatc. but
your right to address me is IN.ko.atc." 4"
There was n general laugh as the
offender departed with q bad case OF
'ry grins.
The Monte Vista journal., 1905-01-28
A aKeAI lnxruu1lon.

It Is unusual that single nstitut ion in Q
city Of 5000 people will overshadow IN i'm.
portance every othe: interest, but such is
the case with the American School Of
Osteopathy, and A I. st Il Infrmary at
kirksville Mo.
A stranger in Kirksville is Immediately
impressed with the idea that the tow Is
sustained by this Institution, In fact,
kirksville has been made whas it Is to-day
by DIR. Still and his famous School and
lntlrmary. 1t is the largest patr ln,zed un-
endowed institution of its kind in tho
United States
DR.. Stills school enr) )ls over .0) stud ,nts
yearly aud each student is required to at
tend four terms of five months each before
completing the cour - Of study. There are
over 1000 rradu ties and they are prac-
ticing in every sta and territory of tho
Union. About two-thirds of the states
have passed special laws legalizing tho
science.
This school teaches every branch taught
In medical colleges except drugs and
osteopathy Is substituted for that. So
thorough Is the teaching in anatomy that
over one hundred human bodies are dis
sected yearly by the students.
AT the lnfirmary, patients from every
part or the country and with almost every
form Of disease are constantly under treat
ment. For the past fifteen years almost
every train coming to kirksville has
brought some new sufferer hoping to find re-
lief by the science OF Osteopathy. BY the
thousands who have left tho institution
benefited by the treatment. the science has
been hcraldcd to the world as n safe and
rational method Of cure Several years ago
II free clinic was established in connection
with the practice department of the school
md this is still in operation. Hundreds OF
the worthy poor. who are unable to pay for
treatment, are treated every afternoon by
the senior students free OF charge.
The Monte Vista journal., 1905-01-28
THE WRONG KIND OF LOVE.
Youngsters Recitation Of Text Showed
Bent Of Thought.

William II. Maxwell. the superin.
tendent of the public schools OF New
York. believes that free meals should
be provided for such school childr IN
as get insufficient nourishment at
home. on the ground that a child slf.
fering from hunger cannot learn its
lessons.
Mr.. Maxwell was describing the 9th.
day the free-meal system of the Paris
schools. Suddenly he paused and
smiled.
When this system was introduced
in Paris" he said. "a teacher at an
English Sunday school explained 1t to
her pupils. ana told them that love
had caused the systems adoption. and
without love the world would be q
poor place for children and for all
helpless and infirm persons.
Next Sunday she said. I want
each of you to come prepared to re.
cite scriptural verse about love-
The next Sunday duly arrived and
the children had all prepared their
verses. One had Love your enemies. =
another. Little children. love one an.
other and so on.
Finally 4 small boy with red hair
arose. He began In loud, shrill
voice:
Song OF Solemn. second chapter
fifth verse.
And then he recited:
!Stay with me, nacons. comfort me
with apples: for ! am sick OF love-
The Monte Vista journal., 1905-01-28

Pentonville way In .-unnon. ana HI
'ad my friends In halter supper to
pot o beer and q game O checkers.
Then my brother in Hamerica dies ard.
leaves me a lot Of money and Hive
never been Apply since. My wife ard
daughter make me stick In tho 'ouse
est HID talk common"
1t was fall of tho idol from its
pedestal but then only few heard
him and the skipper and his wife
guarded him closely until Captain Sto.
YER carried home 4 very drunken arls
tocrat ht dreary hour in the moan.
Ing.
"A fellow named Butts came in here
with some shares of steamship stock
belonging to MIR. Walker" said the
clerk to the skipper on his next visit
to London, ''he was a saucy devil. too.
He said he'd stock in tho Cunard lile
and didn't want any second class
stock. He was In rags. too"
BLESS me-" murmured the skipper.
II picked up the wrong envelope in
my hurry and sent the invite to Wal.
ker instead Of Butts
But the Stovers' social position was
now assured In Portham.
The Monte Vista journal., 1905-01-28
DisFIouR,No ULCER
People Looked at Her In Amazsmsnt
Pronounced ineurabie-Faes.
Now Clear a. Ever-Thanks
God for cuticura.

Mrs. p. Hackett. of 400 Van Buren,
;st.. Brooklyn. N. Y. says: II wish
to give thanks for the marvellous cure
iof my mother by Cuticura. She had
a severe nicer. which physicians had
pronounced incurablc. 1t was a ter.
rible Disagreement, and people would
stand In amazement and look after
her. After there was no hope from
doctors she began using Cuticura
Soap. Ointment. and Pills. and now.
thank God, she is completely cured.
and her face is as smooth and clear
IS ever"
The Monte Vista journal., 1905-01-28
0slment 10 . spertsmsn.

August Belmont has always been an
enthusiast about all kinds Of sport.
He nov owns = stable Of racehorsca
and 4 kennel OF dogs. keeps several
hunters and owns and races . yacht
during tho season. He used TO ride
In some Of the meetings Of the hunt
clubs. and MIR. Blemton's" name was
oftcn hung up ~ the rider Of tho win.
ncr. Il Ia hard to say what Mr.. Bel.
monts fnvori'e sport 10. because he
patronixca no many.
The Monte Vista journal., 1905-01-28
Es.eutIen ch.eks ou.,aass.

Tho execution Of two of their lead.
ers has put . temporary check to
tho machinAtions Of . new Chinese
sect named Tsai.Yuan. In Honan.
whose program was to destroy eli
railways and all forcIsuers on . day
to bc announced. They hate the pres
cnt ruler Of China. declaring that the
real emperor IL now residing on the
Mountain Of Nine Dragons" and Wei
make his appearance Ia due lime.
The Monte Vista journal., 1905-01-28
Ron del.

Rondei.
That love Is dead kncx not who to
name
For ccnsnrc now. sometimes think. In
stead
OF my. own self. you are the ono to
blame
That love Is dead.
The rose for me viii never be n- red,
Now that wc scpafate; no more the
Hnmo
The pomp OF summer on tho hills be
hprcad.
That love ~ dead.
And grief above enjoyment now will claim
The noon OF night. when DINNER over
head
Tho silver crescent hides In mist. FOR
shame
That love IL dead.
-AionIo Rice. In Lees MaSnsine,
The Monte Vista journal., 1905-01-28
Uncle Sans Soldiers.

The American soldier is envied by
his less fortunate fellows In every
other army In the world. and well may
he be. for there Is no other fighting
man so well paid or so well cared for.
In the matter Of pay alone he fares
twice as well as the British Tommy
Atkins. who gets the next highest
money. The pay for privates in the
American army is Sl3 a month with a
twenty per cent. increase In time OF
war. The British soldier gets STA.
the German soldier $3.50, and the
French soldier 3l.7i.
That the Japanese fighting man suf-
fers privation for love of country and
not for pclf Is proven by his salary
60 cents a month. But he is five times
as well rewarded as his enemy. the
Russian, who gets only 12 cents
month for his services as target
Colorado Springs Gazette.
The Monte Vista journal., 1905-01-28

A young man In Denver gave his
best girl pair of gloves on Christmas
and on New Years Day she recipro.
Gated by giving him the mitten.
The Monte Vista journal., 1905-01-28
nc. .RLINNP

OF inviting Portham to tho ceremony
by printed Invitations. The family,
however. made a stand ut Mr.. Butts.
but the skipper secretly resolved that
he should grace the occasion.
When the schooner was discharging
in London the skipper dropped into
the owners once one afternoon.
I'm sending 4 letter to your town,
captain" said the clerk.
who to-" asked the skipper. with
out interest.
Mr.. Adophus Walker. He has
some shares In our steamship line. "
answered the clerk.
BLESS me-" exclaimed the Captain.
1--WE been carryin' a letter for two
The Monte Vista journal., 1905-01-28
II you canno, procure seadAs.m,s se.sas

Lsttoa and Da0drvH csss from your druggist
or barber. write Sandholm Drug Co, "a Man.
II express prepaid II cures when nll doctors
Internal medicines. greasy salyes and ontmcntS
fail. Frss booklet for the asking. Describe
your disease and special directions will be furn.
ishrd. Eczema. Pimplcs, Acne, Old sores, Ring
Worm. blood Poison, Black Heads, Insect nites.
Dandruh, scalp Trouble. Fallin. Hair. Nervous
Trouble. IL never fails. Lotion, d; Soap Sc.
The Monte Vista journal., 1905-01-28

Tn. best roof stain on tn. market
sample color boards to select from
Ask your dealer or write us. TINS
Humphrcy-Joncs Mer. Co. 1871 Arapa-
noe St. Denver, Colo.
The Monte Vista journal., 1905-01-28
The Q. 3. Dept. of Agriculture

gives to Salzcr's Oats its heartiest en-.
dorsement. Salzer's New National Oats
yielded in 1904 from $50 to 800 bu. per
acre in 30 different States, and you, Mr..
Farmer, can beat this in 1906, ii you will.
The Monte Vista journal., 1905-01-28

Dealers say that AS soon as n Gus.
toner tries Defiance Starch II Is i'm.
possible to sell th3n any other cold
water starch. II can be used cold OF
boiled.
The Monte Vista journal., 1905-01-28
@f#s.

Speltz or Emmer, above illustrated.
gives 30 bushels grain and four tons hay
besides per acre. It's wonderful. Salzer'a
seeds are pedigree seeds. bred up through
careful selection to big yields.
Per Acre.
Salzcr's Beardless Barley yielded III bu.
Salzer's Home Builder Corn... 800 bu.
Speltx and Mncaroni Wheat. 80 bu.
SalIer's Victoria Rape. ....... 10000 lbs.
Salzer's Teosinte Fodder. .... .l8O. 900 lbs.
salzer's Billion Dollar Grass. $1,000 lbs.
Salzer's Pedigree Potatoes. 1000 bu.
Now such yields pay and you can have
them, Mr.. Farmer, in 1905.
SEND l0c IN SrANrS
and this notice to the John A. Sai,er Seed
Co., La Crosse. Wis. and you will get
their big catalog and lots Of farm sssd
samples frss. Nv. N. U.l
The Monte Vista journal., 1905-01-28

Piso Cure for Consumption is nn Infaillbs
medicine for coughs and ooldS--N. W. SAMUEL
Ocean Grove, y. j., Feb Il, 1909.
The Monte Vista journal., 1905-01-28

The rootcrs are always content to
let tn. other fellows do the digging.
The Monte Vista journal., 1905-01-28

why doesn't that young doctor eat
his lunches at the restaurant" BE.
cause he's out OF practice
The Monte Vista journal., 1905-01-28

The fact that music is written In
bars shouldn't influence the temper
anco advocate against concerts
The Monte Vista journal., 1905-01-28
M. Walker wss exsIveive.

MI. Ws'Hos wac enelUo1vo.
fn.?" inquired the matc. who had been
addressed.
Hes com!n'." retorted the skipper.
sssoiuteiy. i've 4 prtnted isvits ia ny
pocket IN yond him."
"'E'Ii get drunk and owl sxpossu.
lated tic mate.
"tct HIM" replied the skipper. "a
wedd:n'r q place for snloyneat."
G!sa Jane. tho pretty daughter Of
CAttAtA siovc.. wus 10 bc married on
taA us,t Monday a week. rad the
e>sssts~0 inWovasio~ hsh hNeW MADE
The Monte Vista journal., 1905-01-28

Many a man who Is hts own boss
would like To be working Tor some
other fellow.
The Monte Vista journal., 1905-01-28

II II easier to keep good. for
nothing dog In the house than II is to
keep the wolf from the door.
The Monte Vista journal., 1905-01-28
ELITE s,,,NGu.e STAIN.

Judge thinks that the house divided
against itself ought to take a tumble.
The Monte Vista journal., 1905-01-28

Storekeepcrs report that the extra
quantity. together with the superior
quality OF Defiance Starch makes II
next to impossible to sell any other
brand.
The Monte Vista journal., 1905-01-28

hoatinh u,Dt ~ poor thing to
keep "A mans head above water.
The Monte Vista journal., 1905-01-28

Back In Chicago they say IT'S wise
child that knows Its own stepfathef,
The Monte Vista journal., 1905-01-28

II like TO see n man act natural
We'll, j don't ] hate To see man
make "a fool OF himself"
The Monte Vista journal., 1905-01-28

You may whitcwash n mans charac'
ter, but you can't wash 1t white.
The Grit-advocate., 1905-03-10
JapaneSe Patriotism.

An enthusiastic admirer of the mi
kadO's nation was eXtolling the patri-
otism Of the Japanese to little circle
of friends in the University club the
other evening.
why" said he, every one of those
little fellows will make any sacrifice
to help the government along. Even
the poor peasants do it and never
grumble at the taxes. There isn't a
man of them that wouldn't willingly
give up his last dollar to protect the
remainder. The taxes are mighty
hard on them, too. The tax on leather
and shoes comes especially hard on
the barefooted peasantry."
He got into still deeper muddle
when he tried to explain that SINH
lar hard condition in ireland once was
mitigated by making the sole feathers
of wood.-New York Herald
The Grit-advocate., 1905-03-10
GOOD TRAITS OF cHIMPANzEE.
Scientists Study Animal Now in Cap.
tivitY at Berlin.

Berlin possesses a successor to the
late lamented chimpanZee Consul, in
the shape of Consul II. of which the
Recently Consul II appeared before
a meeting of the German Psychologi-
cal Society and was the subject of a
lecture by the eminent psychologist.
Prof. Hirschlaff. The ape stood on
the platform beside the lecturer. in a
smoking jacket. top hat, black trous-
ers, boots and shirt. Prof. Hirschlaff
gave Consul an excellent character.
He has good manners. is of friendly
disposition and manifests symptoms
of what would be called in human be.
ings a loving nature. He has no OBJ
lection to the vicinity of dogs. cats or
snakes, but is afraid of horses. No
traces are seen in Consul of any spe.
cial liking for women and soldiers
Like most apes he delights in chill
dren, but evinces an adherence OF
dolls. of which he can make nothing
and retires ranquished from their
presence. If Consul is tickled he
sometimes shrieks with laughter.
When punished he acts like a child.
holding his hands before his face. If
discovered at anything he is forbid
den to do he assumes hypocritically
an innocent demeanor which is dis.
tinctly human.
He is restless and cannot sit long
in one position. With an excellent
memory, he is yet incapable of ex,
pressing his wants either by gestures
or sounds. He cannot be taught to
whistle, nor does he understand hu.
man speech. All he can comprehend
is the tone of voice or the rhythm
of words; and he cannot be taught to
reckon"
The Grit-advocate., 1905-03-10
Doing Great Work.

Ward. Ark. March 6th.-(Special0
From all over the West reports
come OF cures OF different forms of
Kidney Disease by Dodds Kidney
Pills. and this place is not without
evidence Of the great work the Great
American Kidney Remedy is doing.
Among the cured here Is Mr.. ]. v.
Waggoner. well known citizen, who.
In an interview. says: "Dodd's Kidney
Pills have done wonders for me. My
kidneys and bladder were badly out
Of order. | used many medicines, but
got nothing to cure me till l tried
Dodd's Kidney Pills. Two boxes OF
them fixed me up SO that l have been
well ever since.
Tell the poor kidney and bladder
diseased people to take Dodd's Kid
ney Pills and get we'll"
No case of kidney complaint is too
far gone for Dodd's Kidney Pills to
cure. They are the only remedy that
has ever cured Bright's Disease.
The Grit-advocate., 1905-03-10
NOT AN URGENT PRAYER.
Supplicant's Appeal for Jimmy Of the
Perfunctory Order,

Mary c., the six-year-old daughter
Of a Presbyterian clergyman in a
small Georgia village, had a playmate,
Jimmy by name, of whom it was her
custom to make special mention i'll
her evening. prayer at her mothers
knee. One evening, after some child
ish quarrel, Mrs. c. noticed that the
boys name was omitted from the petit
tion, and said, Mary, aren't you going
to pray for Jimmy tonight"
No, mother; he's a mean, hateful
boy, and I'm never going to pray for
him any more"
Her mother made no reply. not
wishing to add fuel to the flame, and
decided to allow the youthful con-
science to work out the problem in its
own way. In few moments she
beard the little girl climb out of bed
fail upon her knees, and say, in tone
guarded by Indifference:
God, you can bless Jimmy II yor
want to, but you needn't do it on my
account''-Lucien Fl. Boggs, in the
Editors Drawer, Harper's Magazine
The Grit-advocate., 1905-03-10
BEAT THE DUMB.RELL RECORD.
American Puts It Up 10000 Times in
Less Than Three Hours,

An American, Anthony Mckinley.
has made a remarkable showing with
dumb-bells in Belfast. Ireland He
gave the exhibition in the billiard
room of the Boyd Arms Hotel with a
twelve-pound one and one-fourth
ounce dumb-bell, shoulder to arms
length above shoulder. one hand, and
succeeded in putting it up 10000
times in two hours fifty-seven min
utes and fifty seconds, at the rate of
ninety times per minute, regular
throughout, with one or two over ev-
cry time the counter called out, and
often more. The dumb-bell was
weighed at starting and finishing in
the presence of all, and the total
weight amounts to 1851 pounds.
The previous best with this weight, a
twelve-pound dumb-bell. was by A..
Corcoran of Chicago, which was also
the greatest total weight ever put up,
when, on October 4, 1873. he put it up
$4,000 times, time not stated, or a to-.
tai of 1901 pounds.
The Grit-advocate., 1905-03-10
LITTLE Robbie on Editors.

editors is men which aint got amy
snap job / guess, my Uncle is ed
itor and thay have thare furniture tC
bay for but he is a editor of little
paper on the big papers they pay for
thare furniture befoar thay git it
Thay are kinds of editors:
1. boss editors
2. other editors
3. spoarting editors.
would like to be the spoarting ed
itor beekaus he gifts into all the fights
and ball gains free and the other ed
itors pay when thay go but thay doant
go they aint got time. The boss ed
itor is the best job for mummy thay
maik moar than the men that OWNS
the papers guess.
editors is pretty hard to lick thay
doant git licked much. Once my Pa
tried to lick editor but got licked
hisself and came home with a eye all
black and Ma said 1t serves yu rite
trying to talk away the freedom of the
Press.-Philadelph Ledger.
The Grit-advocate., 1905-03-10
Taking Another Name.

Custom has made it almost untver'
sal for all male persons to bear the
names of their parents" said an at
tache OF the local court the other morn
ing. at seems natural that it should
be SO. Nevertheless. there is nothing
In the laws of this country prohibiting
q mans taking another name, and no
legal penalty attached to his doing SO.
There is always, however. a possibility
OF its being attended with inconven-
ience and perhaps loss to himself.
There is way by which = man
nay change his name with the sane
tion of the law. and that is the only
safe way. But the law requires him TO
assign some good reason for the
change. Men have assigned various
reasons for wishing to change their
names. Sometimes a man wishes TO
drop his right name because 1t is OF
foreign origin and difficult for an Amer
lean tongue to pronuonce. This may
injure him in his business. as there
Is such a thing as prejudice even in
this free and enlightened common
wealth. Or his name may have in
English an absurd or even vulgar
meaning and subject him to unpleas-
ant jokes. or it may associate him with
some notorious criminal or be the
counterpart of some name which his
spelled and consequently mispro-
nounced on his entry to this country.
Washington Star.
The Grit-advocate., 1905-03-10
Excellent Cough Medicine.

The following recipe for cough medi'
cine comes from New England
housewife living at kennebunkport,
Me-, and was handed down to her from
an old-time sea captain, who consid'
cred it valuable: Blend one ounce OF
senna, one ounce of whole tlaxseed
one ounce of crushed licorce and halt
an ounce of anise seed and cooll> in
boiling water (about three or four
pirts) until reduced TO quart. This
housewife always uses an iron Kettle
TO boil the mixture in. Strain add one
cupful of molasses and boil a few min.
utes longer. Then cool and when cold
add little whisky or alcohol, to pre-
vent fermentation Keep the medi
cine in air-tight bottles. Use a tea
spoonful or two when needed. This
$ really an effective remedy for the
severe hacking colds and coughs that
are contracted in winter.
The Grit-advocate., 1905-03-10

Every housekeeper should know
that II they will buy Defiance Cold
Water Starch for laundry use they
will save not only time, because 1t
never sticks to the iron. but because
each package contains 16 oz.-one full
pound-while all other Cold Water
Starches are put up in y A-pound pack.
ages. and the price is the same. 10
cents. Then again because Defiance
Starch is free from all injurious chem
icals. II your grocer tries to sell you
l2-oz. package 1t is because he has
stock on hand which he wishes to
dispose OF before he puts in Defiance.
He knows that Defiance Starch has
printed on every package in large let
ters and figures "16 ozs." Demand De-
dance and save much time and money
and the annoyance of the iron stick
ing. Defiance never sticks.