The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1905-06-11

He Would Punch rs Bloody Ed off.
dad of his roll of money. but never
found her, we were about the last pas
sengeTs TO reach the train. and when
We got ready 10 get on we f. 1 these
English cars that open on - sides.
and they put you into box stall with
some other live stock and lock you
in, and once in awhile a guard opens
the door to see if you are dead from
EuffOcdtiOn, or have been murdered by
the other passengers. Dad kicked on
going in one of the kennels the first
thing. and said he wanted a paTlOT
car. but the guard took dad and gave
him a shove. and tossed me in on top
of dad. and two other passengers and
woman in the compartment snick-
cred and dad wanted TO fight all of
EN- except the woman.
When the door closed dad told the
guard he would walk on his neck when
the door opened, and that he was not
an entry in a dog show. and he wanted
2 kennel all to himself. and asked
for dog biscuit Gee. but that guard
was mad. and he gave dad d look that
started the train going l whispered
10 dad TO get out his revolver. because
the other passengers looked like hold
up tmen. and he took his revolver out
OF his SatChel and put il in his pistol
woman began TO act faint while the
passengers seemed to be preparing 10
jump on dad If ne got violent. When
the train stopped at the first station
I got out and told the guard that the
old gentleman in there was from
Helena. Mont, and that he had
reputation from St Paul to Portland,
and then I held up both hands the
way train robbers make passe myers
hold up their hands
When I went back in the car dad
was talking TO the woman about her
resembling A woman he used to know
in the states, and ne was just going
to ask her how long she had been so
beautiful, when the guard came to the
side door and called the woman out
into another stall, and then one Of the
passengers pulled out pair of hand
cuffs and told dad ne might as we'll
surrender. because he was a Scotland
Yard detective and had spotted dad as
an American embezzler. and If he drew
that gun he had In his pocket there
would be a dead Yankee in about four
minutes. Well. I thought dad had
nerve before. hut he beat the band,
right there He UnbuttOned his over
coat and put his finger on a grand
army button in his buttOnhOie, and
said
Gentlemen. I am an American Citi-
zen. visiting the crowned heads Of the
old world. with credentials from the
president Of the United States, and
day after tomorrow I have date TO
meet your king. on official business
that means much to the future peace
of our respective countries Lay a
hand ON me and you will hang from the
yard arm Of an American bdttleShlp.'
" Gentlemen. I am an American cjti-
well. sir, I have seen a good many
bluffs in my time, but 7 never saw the
equal Of that. for the detective turned
white, and apolOgized, and asked dad
and 7 out 10 luncheon at the next sta
ton, and we went and ate all there
was. and when the thine was up the
detective disappeared and dad had to
Tay for the luncheon. but he kicked all
the way 10 London. and the guard
would not listen to his complaints, but
told him If he tried to hold up the
train ne would be thrown out the win
dow and run over by the train. We
had the compartment 20 ourselves the
rest of the way to London. except
about an hour, when the guard showed
in farmer who smelled like cows.
and dad tried To get in a quarrel with
him. about English roast beef coming
from America, but the man didn't have
his arguing clothes on. so dad began
To find fault with me, and the man
told dad TO let up on the kid or he
would punch is bloody ed off That
settled it. wher the man dropped his
'h." dad thought he was one of the
nobility and he got quite chummy
with the EuglishmaU, and then we got
to London, and dad had a quarrel
about his baggage, and after threaten
ing to have a lot of fights he got his
trunk on the roof OF a cab and in
about an hour We got to the hotel and
then the fog began an engagement. If
the fog here ever frOze stiff. the town
would look like a piece Of ice with
fish frozen in. Gee. but / would like
to have 1t freeze i'm front of our hotel.
so I could take an axe and go out and
chop "A frozen girl out. and thaw her
till she came to.
Say. old man. If anybody ever wants
TO treat you to a trip to Europe. don't
come her, but go to some place where
they don't think they can speak Eng
lfsh- You can understand "A Nitalian
or a Frenchman. or a Dutchman. who
cant speak English. and knows he
can't. better than you can an English
man who thinks he can speak Eng
lish. and can't. don't you know .
Everything is don't YOU know II
a servant gives you an evening paper
he SAYS: Ere's your paper. don't
you know and if a man should
don't say they would but If a man
should give you a civil answer. when
You asked him the name Of a street
he would look at you as though you
were a cannihal, and say; Regent
street. don't you know and then he
would act as though you had broken
him of his rest. Dad asked more than
a dozen men were Bill Astor lived. and
Of all the population In London don't
believe anybody knows. except one
newsboy. We rode half q day on top
Of a bus. through the streets so crowd
cd that the horses had to creep. and
dad hung on for fear the bus would