The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1905-03-05


~ A - lated the Knocker as he
AA1 read the newspaper ac-
wy counts of the Inaugural
ton at Washington. IF
EcTTNxR1H that isn't the limit, Aft
hS&3EkSea er all the advertising
49, this great spectacle has
had. all the circus poster
boorninc and press agent bowling, it's
turned out to be just the same old show
that we've had on previous occasfens,
the same solemn old function with not
a startling innovation nor a taking IN
terpoiation from beginning TO end.
Hanged if don't think the American
people have been buncoe6 again
What is gnawing at your Vitals TINS
time KnOcker2" grinned the genial Mr.
Redface. WHO'S Duncoed the Amerl-
can people this time2'
The managers Of the inauguration
that's who" said the Knocker. Bar
NUNS old woolly horse isn't in 1t with
the flim-fiam game they put up there
at Washington yesterday. It's like the
old circus days when the billposters
outside the tent showed you picture
of a small ball holding an elephant at
arms length by his tail while his little
sister fed the beast with peanuts stand
ing on the boys other hand. When you
got inside there was the boy and the
girl and the peanut. but the elephant
had been overlooked and left behind
when the show left the last town. L eX-
pected great things from this Inaugural
ton of Theodore Roosevelt, and I've
been saving up my theatre money ever
since last election to go down to Wash
iugton and see it. but. by lingo, now
that it's over I'm glad ] spent the cash
on set of Henry James works in
stead. They're a darn sight more spec
tacular and suappy than the Inaugural
tiOn was"
What on earth did you expect?" de-
manded Redface. "A riot?"
No" said the KnOcker. "A triumph
What the dickens have we all been
talking about for the past six months
but imperialism? Faven't you yourself
spoken of the senate in chains. the
speaker being whipped into line ana
congress afraid to say its soul was its
own? Didn't you observe right here
only last week that the president had
the supreme court by the throat and
that the cabinet trembled like an aspen
leaf every time Mr. Roosevelt looked
at it?''
Il did-but what of it?'' asked the
KnOcker.
Didn't you say that Fairbanks never
entered the presidents office except
upon all tours. that John Hay backed
out of his presence instead of walking
out with straight front after the fash
ion of the true Yankee, and that the
y
OF John d. Rockefeller. J. 2. Morgan
and the rest Of the money kings wrOse
than the yoke of PhaTOah CALLED the
necks OF the children of Israel? Those
We're your very words, Redface, and
spoken i'm the solemn presence of two
Scotch highballs. three gin riclkies and
one absinthe frappe, a combination be-
fore which no man could perjure him
self and live" said the Knocker.
Admitted" retorted Redfaee. But
I repeat. what Of it2''
Il looked for some symptoms of the
truth of your remarks in this Inaugural
tion-that's what of it," replied the
knocker, land not minute suggestion
of anything of the kind occurred any
where in the whole ceremony. you libel
lous old Taud, you. Did the president
wear n gold crown as you anti-impeTi-
aliSts have been foretelling for months
Not sign of it-just a plain, every
day. ordinary stovepipe hat was good
enough for him. Where was the i'm
perial purple toga you children of Fear
have been prcphesying for aeons? Not
on the back of Theodore Roosevelt. my
boy. Packed away in camphor balls in