davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Baltimore County union. [volume] (Towsontown, Md.) 1865-1909, 1905-09-09
THE WAY WITH HANNAH |

Got anything fur gal" he asked
of the girl behind a counter loaded
with Christmas toys.
"How old a girl r. was the reply.
She'll be twenty next Spring, if
she gets over the measles all right,
and the doctor says she's gainin' on
'em every day."
. And do you want to buy her a
Christmas PRESENT."
IT dew. I'm going to marry her
in May if sumthin' don't bust, and I
want to make her mighty nice pres
ent. Poor Hannah She jest lays
right thar and means and sighs and
fights the measles, and I want to
prove my love-"
"How would something in jewelry
do?' asked the girl.
''She don't keer fur jewelry."
"You might buy her an umbrella.
A lady's umbrella always makes a
nice present.
"She never uses one, except to hit
the dog or cat with. She's no gal to
put on style
"An album or some book would be
suitable present" )"
Eyes, but she don't keer fur 'em.
1 bought her an album once and she
used it to prop up the legs of the
kitchen stove. She no reader, either.
When she amt workin' she likes to
sit and hold hands and eat candy.
I'd ruther not buy anything at all
than git sumthin' she don't want
"How would a comb for the hair
dor" queried the girl, as she looked
about.
"She don't use 'em," replied the
young man, as be fondled ready
made elephant which could move its
trunk. "She jest makes her hair all
frizzy and let's it go at that. Kin
that mewl be used as pincushion 7"
"She could fix it for a pincushion,
but you wouldn't buy mule for
young woman, would you ?"
81 dunno. Nevis are sorter sot,
amt they?"
81 believe So
"Well, that's the way with Han
nah. She gifts sot every week or
two, and it's the hardest kind of work
to unsot her. What's the price r.
Twenty cents. =
That's about my fgger. She kin
fix it up and stand it on her buro.
Whenever she sees it she will think
of me and her sotness.
"It hardly seems to me that you
are selecting the right thing" re-
turned the salesgirl.
That's cause you don't know
Hannah he replied. while she
has the measles she kin keep it On
her piller and pull the string and
make him kick. That'll take her
mind off her sickness. When she
gifts we'll she kin make it into a pin
cushion or stand it on the parlor
organ fur bric-a -brac. I'll take the
mewl, he looks sot and yet he looks
humble. Mebbe his humbleness will
melt her heart little.
"You evidently love your Hannah
very much
you've hit the bnll's eye, sis.
I've stood by Hannah through chick
en-pox, whoopin' cough and sore
eyes, and I'm with her four times
day while she's down with the mea-
sles. Love her You bet your life
1 do, or else 1 wouldn't be spendin'
this money fur her. And though she's
sot in her ways and needs new teeth,
she returns my love and is mine agin
the world. Here's your cash and
somethin' tells me I've struck it right
and the blamed thing is goin' to bring
two lovin' hearts so clus together that
there won't be room fur ribs and vest
buttons between p'-ZHe Ldler.
The Baltimore County union. [volume] (Towsontown, Md.) 1865-1909, 1905-09-09
THE RIGHT MAN.

There was nothing brilliant about
Parkinson. Indeed, his mental pro-
cesses were decidedly slow. He was
the sort of a man that would listen to
a capital story with the face of gra-
ven image, null over it the rest of the
evening, and perhaps at midnight,
when quite alone, he would discover
the point and hawhaw uproariously.
Witha1, Parkinson was man to be
depended upon. You always know
where to find him; you were sure
that what he said he meant, and
that what he meant he would stickto
through thick and thin.
He was tall, broad of shoulder and
his homely face radiated good nattafFse.>
Although the bulk of the great Park
inson fortune was his, he sat daily be-
fore desk in the office of Thorpe &
Tollman. The fact that fellow had
a little money did not render him ex-
empt from honest work, said Parkin-
son; and this was why the foreign
accounts of Thorpe & Tollman were
kept in his round, boyish handwriting,
and also why Parkinson received SIS
at noon every Saturday, which sum,
be it stated, did not cover the cost of
his lunches and cigars.
The Baltimore County union. [volume] (Towsontown, Md.) 1865-1909, 1905-09-09

HE-"You' got to have pull to
get ahead" Shelves, and you've
got to have head to get pull"
The Baltimore County union. [volume] (Towsontown, Md.) 1865-1909, 1905-09-09

WHEN A man regards himself as ir-
resistible it is time to do some quiet
thinking and self-abnegation.
The Baltimore County union. [volume] (Towsontown, Md.) 1865-1909, 1905-09-09

THE HosT Cat the musicale)-
Miss Screecher will sing "Only Once
More"
The Guest-That's pleasant news.
The Baltimore County union. [volume] (Towsontown, Md.) 1865-1909, 1905-09-09

when THE docter told her she
was dying it must have been an awful
shock to her," "Oh, terrible She
had just bought a $50 bonnet, and os
course, she knew she couldn't wear
that with halo"
The Baltimore County union. [volume] (Towsontown, Md.) 1865-1909, 1905-09-09

MRS. JAcKsoN.-"Yes, parson, I
know de Bible say de meek shall in
herit the earth; an deed I tries to
be as meek as I kin.
Parson-"Da right, sistah dat's
right"
Mrs. sJackson-"But it'll be jes
nah luck when it comes time fo' me
to inherit the earth dat dar'll be some
kind of municipal ownership"
The Baltimore County union. [volume] (Towsontown, Md.) 1865-1909, 1905-09-09

SMALL ELMER and his father had
lust had strenuous interview in the
woodshed.
81 punished you merely to show
my love for you," said the father.
"T-that's all fright" sobbed the
little fellow. cts a g-good thing l
amt b-big enough to return your
Hove"
The Baltimore County union. [volume] (Towsontown, Md.) 1865-1909, 1905-09-09

BOTH ExPIRED.-The charge was
one of keeping a dog without license,
and the defendant evinced tendency
to interrupt the evidence. He was
sternly hushed, but eventually his
turn came. The clerk of the court
turned to him : "Do you wish the
court to understand that you refuse
to renew your dog license?" eyes,
butt eve want no butts. You
rust renew the license or you will be
fined. You know it expired on
January 1st." eyes, but so did the
dog. Will 1 have to renew him,
too?''
The Baltimore County union. [volume] (Towsontown, Md.) 1865-1909, 1905-09-09

"IF YOU will be very careful to eat
plain food" said the physician, you
will enjoy good health"
eff / have to eat plain food" an
swered the epicure, 81 may have good
health, but l won't enjoy it."
The Baltimore County union. [volume] (Towsontown, Md.) 1865-1909, 1905-09-09

"PAPA, MUST a man be narrow
minded to keep in the straight and
narrow path?" mo, son but the
man who keeps therein frequently is. ;"
The Baltimore County union. [volume] (Towsontown, Md.) 1865-1909, 1905-09-09
Estate IN THE FROG BUSINESS.

The largest lot of frogs ever grown
in captivity in Pennsylvania is now
being distributed from the Pleasant
Mount hatchery, in Wayne county.
Fish Commissioner Meehan decided
last year to add frog culture to the
service rendered by the fish commits
sion, and few were raised at the
Cory and the Erie hatcheries and
distributed. The experiment was
successful, and frog raising, it was
decided, should also be tried at the
new Pleasant Mount station. There
the frog crop has been entirely suc-
cessful, and the 3oo,o that were
raised are now being sent out.
These frogs will be the only ones
the people will get from the State this
year, as the experiment proved
failure this season both at Erie and
Cory. At Erie an epidemic got in
among the pollywogs, and at Cory
more than Ioo,o 900 small frogs were
eaten by snakes.
The process of raising young frogs
is exceedingly interesting. When
four or FIVE days old they are ready
to ship and are from ~ to inches
long. When twelve days old they
are worth cents apiece for bass bait,
so there is money in raising frogs if
one knows how, since it is possible to
grow 1000, 600 of them to the acre.
The frogs are shipped in cans Of
400 each, packed simply in wet moss.
The 300, 900 on hand are not nearly
enough to supply the acquisitions,
which come from every county. Fish
Commissioner Meehan will in the fall
issue bulletins from the reports Of the
superintendents of the fish hatcheries
giving their experience at frog rails
ing for the benefit and instruction of
the public.
The raising of frogs is easier than
the raising of poultry. A frog week
old planted now will be fit for the
table next year, and in two years will
be a monster"
Two kinds offrogs, the greenheads
and the western, were raised at the
hatchery, but the greenhead is pre-
ferred by epicures. The market price
of edible frogs is from $3.50 to So a
dozen.
The Baltimore County union. [volume] (Towsontown, Md.) 1865-1909, 1905-09-09
A SLIDING SCALE.

Stealing a million-genius.
Stealing $500, ,ooo-sagacity.
Stealing SIoo, ,ooo-shrewdness.
Stealing $50, ,ooo-misfortune.
Stealing S25, 5,ooo-irregularity.
Stealing $40. 900 = misappropria-
ton.
Stealing S5,ooo-speculation.
Stealing 81, ,5oo-embezzlement.
Stealing $I,25o-swindling.
Stealing SIoo-larceny.
Stealing $Io-theft.
Stealing a ham-war on society.
Two Jews meet on the street. Ro-
senthal says to Gensberger-I have
not seen you lately, yer do you lif
nowl
Gensberger-I lif in one hundred
and fifteenth street.
Rosenthal-Vell, vot vas de matter
NIT dat boarding house on Baxter
street?
Gensberger-I couldn't stand de
meals.
Rosenthal-Vy?
Gensberger-De first week ven 1
vas dere der cow died, und We had
beef all week, de next der pet calf
died und We had veal all week, the
next week one of the old boarders
died und 1 moved. didn't want to
take chances.
THE ONLY one that never makes
mistakes is the one who never does
anything. Preserve us from him ;
from the man who eternally wants to
hold the scales even and so never gets
done his weighing-never hands any
thing over the counter. Let the rest
of us go ahead and make our mistakes
-as few as we can, as many as we
must-only LET us go ahead.
THE HosT Cat the musicale)-
Miss Screecher will sing "Only Once
The Baltimore County union. [volume] (Towsontown, Md.) 1865-1909, 1905-09-09

Now, when it comes time for Park
inson to fall in love, he did it as he
did everything else-slowly, method
ically, with painstaking regard for
details. The young woman about
whom he finally found his affections
centering man would have
made the discovery six months earlier
than did Parkinson-was certain
Miss Margery Reeves, joyous, hap
py, radiant creature, whom Parkinson
worshiped with all the tenacity Of his
stolid nature.
Miss Reeves regarded Parkinson as
a big, good-natured brotherly fellow,
a trife slow and obtuse at times, but
always the most dependable of her
satellites. The exact nature of her
attitude toward him Parkinson did
not discover until one afternoon when
they sat together beneath the walnut
trees at the farther bunker of the
Country Club links.
1t was one of those lazy afternoons
which beget condolences. Miss
Reeves herself could not have told
how the conversation led up to it, but
before she was really aware of what
she was doing she was telling Parkin-
son all about it, and Parkinson was
listening with grave sympathy.
She told the whole bitter story
her engagement to Tom Marshall, the
quarrel which had broken it off, and
even the ugly rumors which had come
to her ears concerning Marshall's
downhill course since that time. And
as she finished there were tears in her
eyes and strange little culver to her
voice.
Parkinson was tremendously i'm
pressed. He had never seen her in
a serious mood before. He sat quite
still for long time staring thought
fully at the walnut leaves above his
head, stirring indolently in the breeze.
Then he smiled his slow, enigmatic
smile.
Don't you think it is too hot to
play the rest of the course?" he ask
ed, and, helping her to her feet, he
suggested they go back to the club
house for tea.
They went back in silence. Once
or twice she glanced at Parkinson Gu
riously it was very strange smile.
1t seemed to mask something going
on in his mind.
The following Monday Parkinson
obtained leave Of absence from the
office and went to Boston. The latest
report had located Tom Marshall
there. 1t was several days before
Parkinson found him in an obscure
little hotel. Marshall was looking
seedy and there were unmistakable
marks of dissipation on his handsome
face. .
Park" he cried, as Parkinson
entered the dingy room where Mar
shall, in his shirt sleeves, was sorting
out punches of lottery tickets, Its
good old Park, as 1 livel What
brings you here, old chap?"
Parkinson sat down on a rickety
chair. The room was small and hot.
Moreover, he had just climbed six
long flights of stairs. Helooked rather
tired and wiltec.
"Look here, Tom," he said alb
ruptly, you'd better cut this out and
come home with me-.
The Baltimore County union. [volume] (Towsontown, Md.) 1865-1909, 1905-09-09
MARYLAND
AGRICULTURAL COLLEGE,
COLLEGE PARK. MARYLAND.

Zach department supplied with the most mod
arn and approved apparatus. Practical work
emphasized IN all departments. Graduates
Qualfned % enter &C once upon lies work.
Boarding department supplied with all modern
and electricity.
New buildings with modern improvements.
Location unsurpassed for health. Iuluon,
books. heat. light. laundry, board. medical Az
tendance. annual deposit. chemical and athletic
fees all included IN an annual charge OF t1yO
payable quarterly In advance. Daily visit oy
physician In charge.
frCatalog giving full particulars sent on ap-
plication.
Attention is called to short course of ten weeks
In Agriculture. Write for particularly.
AETerm commences Thursday, Septem-
ber 2lst. Early application necessary Tor ad-
mittance. n. W. SYLVESTER, President.
July 22-etl College Park, Maryland.
Bisbee daily review., 1905-09-05
Good PoIItIc. and n.d.

The Pioneer Press Qnd. Rep.) of St. Paul does not expect that government expenditures will be cut down suffi- ciently to wipe out the deficit, and there remain the alternative of clap ping on new internal revenue taxes or of modifying the tariff. As to the latter 1t says: "To raise the present rates would result not in stimulating imports, but in discourag ging imports, and thus reducing the net revenues, for almost every rate Is already above the maximum revenue producing point. The alternative is a stimulation of im- ports by a general lowering of the tar iH toward the maximum revenue pro ducing point. The choice of congress therefore practically lies between tol- eration of the deficit, which would be bad politics, and tariff revision, which would be good politics"
Bisbee daily review., 1905-09-05
wANTED-mlNINo PROPOSITION

We desire to get a meritorious UT developed mining property Cooper preferred) in Arizona or Sonora. We wish to hear from parties who have something of standard character and are willing to sell upon demon stration, we being ready to furnish money for substantial development payment for property to be made ii demonstration of value be satisfacto ". We will consider offers on above basis only. The officers and direc tois of the company have been en gagged in mining in Colorado for many years, and are familiar with the busi ness. Fair and honorable treatment will be the rule in every instance. 4 representative of the company will visit Arizona and Mexican mining dis tricts in the near future.
 ARIZONA AND EASTERN MINES
 AND POWER COMPANY,
 & 8. Plankington Building, Milwau
 kee, Wis-
Bisbee daily review., 1905-09-05

in crowded thoroughfares. but that ia just what reckless motorists do.
 For those whose sole idea of motoring Is speed l suggest separate roads should be provided at their own ex- pense, where they can kill and maim and blow themselves up at their own by no means sweet will. Then l sug- gest that instead of the dismal horn which frightens old people and children Into fits and even makes me dismal for 1t reminds me of being at sea in a tog with rocks ahead-let there be some joyful ''toot toot' like that of a coach horn.
 My application to tho magistrate and my views 0s stated in the press brought me, 1t may interest you to know, hun dreds and hundreds of letters and tele- grams from all over England and the continent. With one exception, and many were from motorists and large motor firms, all agreed with me. The exception was threatening and abu- sive anonymous letter signed "A Chauf. cqur."
Bisbee daily review., 1905-09-05

A strong effort Is being made to lower the bars so that the Chinese can more easily enter the country. Yet if referendum vote could be ordered there would be practically a unani- nous vote against Chinese imrigra- ton. The present effort is being backed up by the great Chinese com panies that control the emigration of the coo!ies from China, and these four companies have induced many of the Chinese merchants to boycott Ameri- can goods as long as our Chinese immi. grafton laws are so drastically admin istered.
 The Chinese government does not seem 10 be asking that our policy be changed, probably knowing that such could not be. but it is demanding that our treaty engagements be kept, which guarantee the entry of merchants and students and others travelling for busi- ness or pleasure. The difficulty of ad- ministering this agreement at the GUS tom houses is the well known GupIicity of the cOolies who desire to enter the United States and the tricks they are capable of 10 evade the law, which has resulted in the stringent efforts of the officials There is no doubt that great injustice has been done in some cases and that those entitled to entry have been i'll used and excluded The trouble is that the class of men who have been appointed immigration in spectors are not competent to judge between those who should and those who should not be allowed to land.
 The threat of boycotting our goods in China Is not to be feared, for the ex- ports to that country are insignificant compared to the influx of a horde of such undesirable immigrants as the Chinese coolies are. In 1893 the total exports to China were less than $19,- 100000 in value, the year previous be ing about $24,O00000, indicating that our trade was fast decreasing before the boycott was inaugurated. We are admitting millions of very undesirable immigrants from Europe, but they bring their families with them and in tend to make this country their home, and these we hope to assimilate with our population in good time, though the task in the big cities Is a stu pendous one.
Bisbee daily review., 1905-09-05
SUMMER EXCURSION RATES TO
 THE EAST

Fl Paso & Southwestern R. R. Co. will sell daily till Sept. S0th, 1905 round trip tickets from Bisbee tc Kansas City, s46.S5: St. Louis, s53.10; Chicago. S59.05; good for sixty days return limit not to exceed Oct. 31st- 1905.
 Special round trip tickets will be on sale Aug. 16, 16, 24. 25. Sept. ', s. 8 10, II, Is, r, 1905, from Bisbee as fol lows: Chicago, S56.60; St. Louis S50.65; Kansas City, $44.30; Memphis, s462O; Omaha, S4740; Council Bluffs. s47.30; St. Joseph, s45.25; Atchison, y4440; Leavenworth, S44.40; New Orleans, $42.75; Pacific Junction, Ia. $47.30. Going trip to be commenced on date of sale and be completed with in ten days. Return trip to be com pleted within ninety days from date of sale.
 COLORADO POINTS. Denver, Colorado Springs, and Pueb- To, S47.40 for round trip, on sale daily till Oct 18th, 1905. Limited to October 31st., 1905.
 w. P. McNAIR,
 Agent.
Bisbee daily review., 1905-09-05
AMarquis Cure For
 Sc0rching
Queensberry Tried to Ger c Permit 10 Carry Re UOlUer For Purpose cf Shooting CareIess Auto Dr1Vers - His Story of AHair.

By the MARQUIS OF QUEENSBERRY.
 Let me say at the outset that am In no way prejudlced against automo- piles as automobiles. Personally I prefer driving a horse to steering a motor car but at the same time often go motoring and enjoy it Nor do l suggest that because q man Is driving a motor car he Is to be re garded as fair target for the bullets of Tom, Dick and Harry.
 When l applied to the magistrate for permission to carry firearms to shoot motorists, l merely wished to draw public attention to the evils of reckless motor driving and to let peo- pie know that if any of my family were killed by motorist should feel justified in shooting the offender at sight, but only in such an extreme case. My reference to shooting was taken more seriously than intended.
 The idea has got abroad that I was put up to making my application to the magistrate, but that is not the case.
 One evening was very nearly run over by a motor car near my house in " SSl heHSiLS lOI- 1 ieleST6pDeu al once to the chief commissioner of po- lice
 Next morning I was going out when it occurred to me that as I had had no reply from the commissioner it might be worth while to take the views Of Magistrate Lane on the subject.
 While waiting in the court until could be heard it struck me to jot down my views on how reckless motorists should be treated, and thus, without my friends knowing anything about it or my being prompted In any way, my suggestion that the motorist who kills should himself be killed with as little compunctjon as one would put an. end to a mad dog found its way into the newspapers.
 l do not thInk people quite under stand how far reaching the motor evil is. In addition to daily murders of old women and children, cottaGers in the
Bisbee daily review., 1905-09-05
Stopping the Deficit.

Speaking of pending congressional problems and the growing deficit in na- tonal revenues, Representative Brick of Indiana said fin Washington re- gently: "One way of stopping a def felt Is to quit spending so much money. Doubtless there are various items in which we might well practice a policy of retrenchment. Any effort to get extra revenue by reverting to such special taxes as were levied in the Spanish war period will meet with in- tense public hostility. ."-New Ycrk Post
Bisbee daily review., 1905-09-05
OFFICIAL CHAPTERS.
Patriots For the old FIaS-and m
 Ample Appropriation.

Patriots For the Old F1a&-a1d nm
 Ample Appropriation.
 Five special agents have been ap- pointed by President Roosevelt to iu- vestigate trade conditions in foreign countries. A good fat salary accom- panies the position and all travelling expenses are paid. So these special agents win have soft snap for year or two. As we have consuls at every port and city of consequence and com mercial agents at other less important points whose duty 1t is to keep the state department informed on general trade conditions, 1t will at once be seen that the work will be duplicated. But that would be a waste of effort, So all the special agents will have to do Is to interview the consuls or get their latest reports and forward them to the de partment of labor and commerce, and then their work will be done until the next set of consular reports are ready The official graft that these special agents are recipients of causes even that stanch Republican organ, the New York Evening Mail, that has hitherto swallowed the most bitter partisan doses, to gag at this latest political bolus anl inform the administration that ''the new agents of the govern ment would be most usefully employed going about among merchants and manufacturers In this country and beg ging them 10 pay some attention to the facts with which the government is besieging them" through the consular reports.
 But the Mail should know that the Republican laborers are many and the offices 10 give them are few, so new positions must be created to satisfy the oInnivorous appetite of the Republican politicians for position for their infu- ential henchmen. There Is nothing that so fills the soul of the average senator or congressman with joy as to land one of these coveted positions with little to do, good pay and all expenses paid. The department that has the sense to create this kind of graft Is sure of all the appropriations that 1t has the cheek to ask congress for, and the senate will add few thousands extra to be sure there is enough to go around.