The news & observer. [volume] (Raleigh, N.C.) 1894-current, 1905-07-22
THOSE wHIsKEY CONTENARIANs

cali We III tulo WIZ
THOSE WHISKEY CONTENARIANS
When the Washington Post gets
stale on the constant round of scan
dals that follow one another through
the months at the Capital, it takes
a day off and Jumps rabbit. Some
times il is a rabbit sure enough, which
the Post hastens to defend as 1t did
VIGOROUSLY a year or so ago by pro-
wing that a jack-rabbit was not on
ly a, creature of remarkable pugnacl-
ty but that it was in reality dangerous
TO order. At present his name is Zeit-
bad the paper will make its rabbit
to ordre. At present his name is Zeit-
lin and he is over one hundred years
old. The Post is, however, not con-
cerned at the age of the citizen but
has smoked cigarettes, "chawed' to-
bacco, eaten microbes and slept with
his feet in a draught all of his hun
dred and odd years. Mr.. Zeitiin is
~ -
wondering whether thu established
code OF morals and health may not
after all turn out to have been vast
mistake It's moral seems to be:
smoke cigarettes, eat tobacco in your
sleep, and drink a pitcher of whiskey
three times a day with large meat
meals-and live to be a hundred.
Whereupon the Baltimore Sun must
of course differ with the Post and
there is joy in Washington and Balti-
more. The Sun takes issue and proves
it's case by the Bible. Methuselah. 1t
points out, was a man of extremely
temperate habits. He did not smoke
cigarettes, never entered a bar, never
played a game of bridge and died
from heart-failure at the age of 969
years. Whereas his grandson, Noah,
who had every reason to Outlive Me-
thuselah, died at an age younger by
nineteen years than he did. Methuse-
lah never drank, says the Sun tri-
umphantly: blessed with a fine con-
situation. Noah weakened his vital
forces by at least one very disgracefui
jag and died young. Dissipation in
that instance cost nineteen years
at least and far from attrib-
uting long life to Mr.. Zeit-
lin by reason of his excuses, the
Sun is really sure that he has in fact
greatly shortened his life, although
he does not know it.
General readers of periodicals will
remember a whiskey advertisement
containing a benevolent old gentleman
squirting through a retort at a whis-
key which he is assuring himself is
pure before he polishes the floor with
it Also there will be a large cut of
ing. Me-. who makes affidavit that he
is now one hundred and twenty--one
years old, cuts all the wood, runs a
plough, reads fine print by moonlight
and wrestIes with his eighty year old
grandson for exercise. "All of this
long life and good health" says he. II
attribute to the constant use since the
age of four years of your justly cele-
brated whiskey.'
All of which proves nothing. Such
incorrigible old light-wood knots
would have thrived equally on Nell
ing's Food or dish-water. The fact
that the occasional old sinner has a
head like a crochet mallet and inter-
nal arrangements like the pipes OF a
turbine engine shows nothing unless
it be the mere fact that a man is a
tough proposition under the face of
the sun.
How many testimonials tight read
like this? last Saturday night 1 tried
to drink two quarts of your whiskey
but ran away with myself after con-
Stunning three pints. l jumped in a
pond. bit off the ear of a dog, woke
up with feathers in my hair and
smoke coming out between my teeth.
After drinking a bucket of water
generated steam sufficiently to run
twelve miles into town in ten minutes,
beating my sonin-law's automobile
by half mile. There is certainly ac-
ton in your liquor
We have heard sometimes of men
who were pursued by very small mice
with little red eyes and we have seen
a man stand on the corner and pick
a hundred bales of cotton off his cuffs,
but life of that sort is too fast to fail
TO arrive at an end. To all who would
seek the fountain of perpetual life
by consuming a bar-room and smok :
ing cigarettes, the Suns warning
about the fate of Noah is apt and con-
elusive.