The Somerset reporter., 1905-10-26
Doctor AlouzO Brown:
Osteopathie Yet.
by c. L. Pagan, d. o, Stuttgart ArRan, as

by c. l.. Pagan, ID. O, Stuttgart Arkan, rs.
It was up to me to make drive out to
Puto's Ferry, so dropped in at the livery
stable Of my old friend, Billie Barr | found
the place as silent and deserted as grave
yard at midnight. opened the Office door
and stepped in, and there sat Billie in cor
ner, with his chin on his breast, looking as
sad and detected as the car of all the Rus
slams when he gets naval report. walked
up to Billie and laid my hand on his shoulder
whats up, old MANI l said, business
ON the BUM"
lie looked up slowly, them as the light of
recognition leaped into his eyes, the Jolly
Billie Barr of old got to his feet and shook
my hand warmly.
"Why, hello, Mr.. Anderson" he cried;
"haven't seen you in a month a Sundays
Coin to drive out?"
Got to go to Pintos Ferry this evening"
said |. "Can you fix me up2'
"You bet. But sorry | can't do it this
minute. Everything's outlook, stock, an
barrl Expect somthin' back in an hour,
though Will that suit you?"
"Ihatll be all right | said, "but what's
up, in town? Anything doing?'
"funeraln
somebody prominent2'
"Yes; some prominent, in way. Doc.
Alonzo Brown-horse doctor Didn't know
him, did you?"
mo; guess he came on since my last
trip"
That's So" said Billie "Well, Doc
Brown oficed with me here fer year past
an we got as thick as sorghum gone to sugar
Great Teller, Doc. was. Have seat" sat
down, and Billie pulled out a couple of sto-
gies, and handed me one. l didn't have the
nerve to refuse it. He lighted his cigar and
sat remniscently watching the match burn
out, curl up and turn white with ash.
you've heard a this Osty-pathy, amt
you?" he asked looking up suddenly.
"Oh, yes" said |. Its all right, too"
ayes, | guess so. Well, that's what Doc.
Was at the start-a Ostypath." Then, after a
pause, he asked "Neyer heard a Osty-pathic
We mary, did you?'
"Sure not said l. highly amused.
"A course not" said Billie, "ler Doc.
Alonzo Brown was the original, an inventor,
an founder a that branch a science"
He SAT a moment studying the ash of his
cigar, and then continued:
81 was always curious as to why Doc
Brown quit manipulatin' the human machine
an begun to apply his theories a science to
horse dootorin, les it was that he was more
at" with horses. Doc. was close as a clam
about himself, but one day, in this room,
when biz. was dull, he begun to reminiss
somethin' fierce, an like to knocked me off
the Christmas tree, when he spit out the fol
lowin' at me, verbatim, barrin' grammar:
al never was no success as human organ
tuner, says Doc, AN that's my sad chapter
/ I |. =
which way to pull, an | could perty well
elucidate between lock- jaw an epizootic, but
when it come to pocketbooks an human ma
ture-well, | wasn't confident,
"'When | got my ram-skin from the Osty-
pathy school, located i'll little town in
Mizoo, an set down in my little rockin' cheer
an waited fer patients. A week passed by
an was still settn'. Two weeks, an thar
| set; till begun to think I'd better hire
out as a human incubator an get useful
Well, every dog gets his, an my day come
with a gentle tap on my door, as soft as a
breeze o the valley. Well, it scared me
worse n if d been besieged by a hostile
army. opened the door, an burn me fer a
cfhgy, if thar didn't stand OF Bunker, the
banker, an the richest man in town! Well,
| | cert'nly did some bowin' an scrapin' to
that gent, fer | knowed if landed him, my
settin' would become more spasmodic. An
thar he stood, bowin' an smilin' an rubin
his hands, an crackin' his knuckles to me
like was the king a Galloway.
"Have seat" says |.
"rhankee, thankee," says he, lookin'
mighty careful to his coat tails.
Anything can do fer you today2' says
|, lookin' as stiff an professional as possible.
"Well," says he, rubin his hands, with a
chuckle, "they mout be-they mout be-"
Then after sizn' me up careful: "You see,
says he, "Ive had the rheumatic in that left
knee Jint a mine, sort a eyasive like. off an
on fer nigh onto fifteen year. an just want
to inquire it mout without cost, what your
method a treatment would do fer case like
that r"
"Well,' says l, Johnny-wise, an punctual,
"my method a treatment is a papa an a
mamma fer that disease; stern father to whip
the stubbornness out a it, an make it asham
ed a itself, an mother to nurse an pet an
kiss away them aches an pains as gentle as a
summer dew. In fact, an in Short" says l,
"my method a. treatment will knock that
rheumatic forty ways by Sunday, an no pres
pration lost in the knockin'."
Jaw, | see, | see" says he. AN what
mout your charges be fer the actual treatment
a that jlnt-say by the month or the single
treatment2"
al charge the price, says I, "that all good
Osty-paths charges the world over; an that's
two plunks treatment, or thirteen fer TWEEN
ty-hve; an no favors showed, except to
preachers an paupers."
"Well, he jumped perceptible; an his beak
OF nose sorter sneaked down an dug his
chin in the ribs to see if it was awake, an his
chin Struggled up to his nose like it was
afraid O. spooks, an, all in all, or Bunker
was some shocked an nonplused. But he
soon recovered an came back at me some
forcble:
"Lookee here" says he, ''you're too high.
You'll never do nothin' IN this burg at them
fggers"
"Im true Osty-path to the bone," says
l, "an' amt goin' to desert the ranks. It's
two plunks-thrtecn fer twenty-five = or
none"
"Now, my friend, says he. soothn' like,
diets get reasonable about this. You're too
high. an you know you are. Now, if you'd
put her down to, say dollar per, that would
be somethin like"
"Now, look here, Mr.. Bunker" says |,
gettin' riled, "I'm goin' to spiel to You as
man to man. Let's get down to a bacon an
beans proposition in this matter. | amt
chargin fer no manual labor, or by the hour
I'm a chargin' fer skill an science an edica-
ton, otherwise | wouldn't be no more good
to that jint than barber, or baker, or a