davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1905-11-17
Heard at the Water Tank.

Heard at the Water Tank.
Sandy Pikes-What do yer t'ink OF
Gritty George havin' de nerve to tell
dat lady in de wayside cottage he was
q sport and never ate anything but club
sandwiches. r. r.s.. - $3.50. 49,"
Gritty George-And did he get ono
dere? .,...
Sandy Pikes-Well, he got do club,
but not de sandwich.-Chicago Daily
News. ,.-. =
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1905-11-17

Is a former restaurant man, whose
place of business was only block
from mine.
when asked how he had come to quit
the business, he replied that he had
gone into a scheme of his own, and
was making barrels of money. Sus-
pecting that it was graft, I at once
became interested, and very quickly
found that it was scheme, indeed.
He had just Finished Cleveland and
was very jubilant over the outcome
He took in the large cities only.
Calling upon some well-to-do laundry
man. he asked him if he would not
like to have his business rapidly in
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1905-11-17
SUSPICIOUS,

Suspicious.
Mr.. Characterization are being
called on the telephone. John.
Mr.. Crimsonbeak-Just please put
your ear to the receiver and hear what
I'm being called before answer
Yonkers Statesman. -.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1905-11-17

and announced that his men had start
ed out, and that he would be at The
laundry Office at six o'clock that even
ing with their contracts.
Imagine the surprise of the laundry
man when the CRATER called as agreed
and laid down on his desk over SOC
contracts.
what! Five hundred contracts to-
day." he asked, as he thought of the
$3.50 cash to be paid on them.
Certainly" replied the CRATER. land
it's been a poor day at that"
Am I to pay you $3.50 cash, tonight
for these?"
"Of course; that's the contract" the
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1905-11-17
An Improvement.

An Improvement.
III I didn't own an automobile, dear,
do you think you could care for me?"
"Why, Of course. If you didn't own
an automobile you would have to get
a new one of the 1906 PATTERN
Cleveland Plain Dealer.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1905-11-17
A BOLD LAUNDRY GRAFT.

Eaundryman Signs Contract on Plaus-
&. ible Scheme to Increase Business
Jardinieres as Premiums - Graft
er's Canvassers Swamp Laundry
with New Business and Big Price
Is Paid for Release.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1905-11-17

Heard in tho Asylum.
se..Is dere anything you wouldn't eat fer
dinner?"
''Uh- huh"
'''What?"
breakfast" -Cleveland Leader.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1905-11-17
Used TO Them.

! fDolly-Are you going on . long
honeymoon? -
no! My Homogeneous are
always short.-Detroit Free Press.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1905-11-17

Copyright, 1905. by Joseph B. Bowles.)
Less than two years ago tall, thin,
active man about 40 years of age en-
tered my Office. He introduced himself
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1905-11-17
Only One Left.

/ Benham-This is one-horse plaza
Mrs. Benham-Well. I suppose the
automobiles have displaced the horssA
Judge. s~ :
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1905-11-17
At Midnight

#5~ At Midnight.
Mr.. stoplate-Yes, l think I may say
I am fixture In our office now.
Miss Boarde-And you get to ina
ching that this is your Office, don't
Cleveland Leader.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1905-11-17
AZ tha2Ball.

! At tho Ball.
ssBefofe Mabel Locutt's father struck
oil, she, had only one dress to her
back. 90.
! "And now I see she has nons."-
Cleveland Leader. ..,
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1905-11-17
The Candidate.

The Candidate.
He speaks on themes Of every kind.
81 He argues and he quotes.
! But the real question In his mind,
10 how to get the votes.
6 washington Star.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1905-11-17
A SHOCK TO HIS SYSTEM.

; I whats. that-you're hungry1 Why
don't xQn 81 and look for work?"
well. miss, a few months ago did
/ and found some: but wot fairly upset nj
wos-they actually wanted me to do
IT,
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1905-01-10
TO BE CONTINUED.

HIS FIRST ATTEMPr.-They were IN
a carriage going to a ball. He was
Just Of age and was wearing his new
dress suit. It was his first attempt al
doing things up in style" Never be-
fore had he worn dress suit or taken
a girl to a social function in a car
riage. He had dressed in nervous
haste, and yet he had tried his best
to see that his raiment was absolutely
faultless.
AS they were driven rapidly toward
the ksll they talked of the fine time
thew expected to have. Suddenly the
girl stopped. talking and gazed intent
" at the bottom Of the hack the
youth noticed that she was apparently
interested in something down there
and he asked: Mary. what's the mat
ter with you? What makes you so
uuiet?" John" she replied, perhaps
I shouldn't ask you such a question:
but isn't there something wrong with
vour feet?" The young man looked
down. He was still In his old carpet
SINNERS sockless.-Kansas City Times
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1905-01-10
Horseback Ride of s32 Miles.

General Kearny was ordered from
Santa Fe across to California with the
Dragons and wanted to get his report
back to Washington as soon as 1t could
be DONE" relates Thomas Tobin, land
asked me If would carry 1t to Fort
Leavenworth. / agreed to do it and
started with only days notice.
81 carried only blanket, lariat
knife, Hawkins rifle, with about 1OC
rounds, a dragoon pistol, and about
two spoonsful of salt. I depended on
my rifle for meat and on finding In
dian herds for fresh horses. weigh
ed about 140 pounds and was as tough
as leather I got my first remount
from st. Vrain at Mora, about eighty
miles from Sante Fe, and rode 1t two
days, till found a camp Of Utes hunt
ing Buffalo and got fresh horse from
their herd, in the night. had to be
very careful about falling in with any
Indians, for they would have killed
lone man for his outfit, and half doz-
en- times or more hid In some dra"
on the prairie till night, or rode miles
off the trail to keep away from theiI
hunting parties or camps. 1t was very
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1905-01-10

drew off the boots of my good friend
Then gave him my arm as he limped
to the kitchen beside me. The baroness
and l sat near him as he ate.
go upstairs and call the gentle
men," said she to the butler. do not
make any disturbance, but say l should
like to speak with them in the dining
room"
"Is thet air hired man O. yours q
Britisher?" D'ri inquired as soon as
the butler was gone.
"He is-from Liverpool" said she.
"Thet g the hole n the fence" said
he. "Thet g where the goose got
away" .
1.-THE goose! The geese!" said the
baroness, thoughtfully. Il do not un-
derstand YOU"
Went n blabbed, thet 8 whut he
DONE" said D'ri. "Mebbe wrote EN-
a letter, gol-dum his pictur'."
"Oh, perceive! understand" said
she; "and I send him away to-mor-
row."
"Necks broke with hunger" said
D'ri. "Never threw no vittles n my
basket with sech a splendid taste tew
'em es these hev."
The baroness looked at him with
some show Of worry.
81 beg your pardon" said she, "did
you say the neck Of you was broten%'
l explained the idiom.
"Ain't he'd nothin' t. eat since day
fore yistiddy," said D'ri. Judas
Priest! m all ct up with hunger"
With old Burgundy and biscuit and
venison and hot coffee he was rapidly
reviving.
81 IN wondering where I will hide
you both," said the baroness. thought
fully.
"Hed mt orter hev no rumpus here,
n go t. shootin' n mebbe pile yer
house n furnicher," said Dfi. CIT
amt decent er t amt nice, We d
better mex tracks an put . mild er
tew 'twixt us n here fore W. hev any
trouble. IT amt a-goin' t. Be no Sun
day school. Ef they can, they re a.
goin' t TEX us dead er live. Ef they
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1905-01-10
NO. 8.

monia than the female, but the mortal
ity among women Is greater. AS a
rule, the largest number of cases fall
In the months of January to May, the
smallest number from July to Septem-
Der.
Pneumonia chiefly attacks the old
and the young, and Is usually fatal In
both instances. Any individual. how
ever, who Is run down Is liable to con-
tract the disease.
Statistics were gathered In England
some few years ago, as to the frequen-
cy Of pneumonia with regard to occu-
patton and the comparative mortality
was found to be, among clergymen, 45;
lawyers, 55; teachers, As; farmers, SO;
fishermen and grocers S.; doctors, SO;
musicians. 80, innkeepers, 1853; carmen.
1874; hotel servants, 1877; dock laborers,
22O; employees In iron and steel man
ufactures, 24s; coal beavers, 24s.
1.-THE treatment Of pneumonia Is, ac-
cording to the best authorities. not
much helped by drugs. When the
warning symptoms Of q chill are upon
one, much may be done to cut the at
tack short by taking to bed at once
and resorting to the old fashioned
methods to induce perspiration and to
assist the functions Of the body to
do their work properly.
1T is in preventive measures that
our best hopes Of checking and per-
haps exterminating the disease lie. The
New York health authorities year
ago took a step In the right direction
when they added to the Sanitary Code
a clause. classifying pneumonia as a
'notifiable disease This clause has not
been enforced on account Of lack Of
funds.
1.-The greatest safeguard against
pneumonia is to keep the body in a
healthy state by living under the best
sanitary conditions possible. The
avoidance Of overheated rooms In
which the air has not a suficiency Of
moisture Is precautionary measure
which is Of more importance than Is
generally believed.
1.-THE systematic inquiry into pneu-
monia from all standpoints which is
at the present time being undertaken
by the New York pneumonia commits
sion should go far toward solving
many Of the unknown features Of the
disease. At any rate, the findings Of
the commission will surely increase
our knowledge Of the malady, and will
doubtless suggest means Of curbing
Its spread. The high standing OF the
members OF thu commission is a guar
antee that the matter viii be investi-
gated scientifically and thoroughly
New York Sun.
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1905-01-10

risky, too, riding into their herds and
roping a fresh horse, and I always led
him away some distance before tried
to change my saddle, so that II he
made any noise. 1t wouldn't stampede
the herd and wake the camp.
II didn't dare make a fire in the
day time. but at night could cook a
little meat on the Goals, and the little
slept was while lying on my lariat,
so that my horse couldn't get away
with 1t out of my reach. followed the
Arkansas as far as Big Bend, and then
bore off across the country to Council
Grove, and from there northeast, fol-
lowing the plain trail to Fort Leaven-
worth; in all, s32 miles as measured
later. I rode 1t in less than eleven
days-and used nine horses; the last
two I got from government trains
which overlook after leaving the Ar
kansas.
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1905-01-10
MARKS OF ILLNESS ON NAILS.
How Accident and Great Mental An
guish Are Also Indicated.

How Accident and Great Mental An
guish Are Also Indicated.
"One who makes a close study OF
finger nails will find many curious
things about them to excite his wonder
and interest" says an expert on such
matters. but none more so than the
stories of physical condition told In
their growth.
You know that the nails of a per-
son in good health grow at the rate OF
about one-sixteenth Of an inch each
week-slightly more than many au-
thorities believe-but during illness or
after an accident or during times OF
nental depression this growth Is not
only affected and retarded so far as its
length is concerned, but also. as re-
CARDS its thickness. The very slight
est illness will thus leave an indeli-
BILE mark on the nail which may be
readily detected as the nail grows out
II one has a sudden attack, such as
acute rheumatism, which sends the
temperature bounding upward to 104
or los within the space Of two or
three hours, 1t will be found on the
nails, indicating the difference In
thickness of growth between the time
when health was enjoyed and the thin
growth of the Ill period.
IF the illness is one that comes grad
ually, like typhoid fever, for. example,
instead Of ridge gentle incline
will appear on the nails. If one should
have an arm broken the thick ridge can
be seen only on the fingers Of the one
hand, but in all cases Of general sick
ness the ridge or slope appears on the
fingers of both hands. When one has
passed through a period Of extreme
excitement or mental depression, the
fact will be imprinted on the nails
either with an abrupt edge or a gen
tie slope. according to the acuteness OF
the mental influence.
I'm no instance can the marks Of ILL
ness, accident or mental condition be
clearly seen on the nail until after the
growth has carried the line beyond the
white or half moon portion Of 1t, but
week or two subsequent to any OF
these things the ridge or slope may be
found on the nails, usually readily Wis
ible to the eyes. but If not the mark
may be found by running the tip Of the
finger down any of the nails.
Louis Globe-Democrat.
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1905-01-10

xy The man who sounds his own
praises continually has no time to iif-
ten to the praises Of others.
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1905-01-10

sT Some men are so wrapped up In
themselves that they fail to see how
RAPIDLY the world moves.
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1905-01-10

tn When 1t comes to enjoying vaca-
ton q man isn't in it with a school,
boy.
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1905-01-10

REASON OF MIKADo's POPULARITY
japan is the land Of mystery and sur
prise for a foreign visitor, and at no
other time would the feeling OF mys-
terry and surprise be greater than when
he witnesses the enthusiastic greeting
Of the people on seeing the august dra-
gon carriage" Of the emperor In the
streets Of Toxic. He would exclaim, IN
wonder, "Is there another monarch on
this globe as universally honored and
beloved by his people as Is the empe-
ror Of JAPAN" The patriotism and
LOYALTY are the chief sources Of Jap
anese strength. The happy cry or
"Banzaii" (Ten thousand years OF life
to the emperor!)' will follow the impe-
rial train like wave after wave Of
roaring ocean.
The Japanese are universally said TO
be a small people in stature, but look
at the emperor? He will vindicate
them in this respect. He is five feet
and eight inches and weighs 225
pounds. The emperor Is firmly believ-
ed, not merely supposed, to be the son
of God; since the first emperor, Jim
mu, his forefathers came down from
the heavens, Mutsuhito Is the hundred
and twenty-second sovereign. They
worship him, because they think he Is
divine. They love him, because they
know he Is human.-Success.
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1905-01-10
D'ri and
,ooD,rirh,. lsor. ey Lothrop Pubr.hing oonpsa,
CHAPTER TX.
By IRVING BACHELLEF
Author Of "Ebsn Holden Darrell Of the slsssils' Etc

CHAPTER TX.
Next morning the baroness went
away in her glittering caleche with
Louison. Each shining spoke and
golden turret flashed the sunlight back
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1905-01-10
THE BACHELOR TAX.
A Plan to Punish Men Who Don't
Marry Revived in Indiana.

A Plan to Punish Men Who Don't
Marry Revived in Indiana.
An old project Of taxing bachelors
has recently been revived. When the
Indiana legislature meets at Indian
apolls this month, It will be asked to
pass a bill introduced by a Gibson
county member levying tax Of ten
cents on every 500 salary earned by
an ablebodied bachelor Of more than
thirty five who receives more than
81, 900 annually. 1t is proposed to ap-
ply ten per cent Of this revenue to the
school fund and ninety per cent to the
maintenance Of the various orphans
homes in the state.
Indiana Is not a state In which bach
elors are unduly numerous. BY the
last census, there were 9,465 unmarried
nen in Indiana between the ages OF
forty-five and fifty-five, 4,313 between
fifty-five and sixty-five and 2,506 above
sixty-five, a total Of 1924 exclusive OF
21,536 bachelors between thirty five and
fOrty-nVe VINO are 10 IdiA "ilhiH Ihe
provisions Of the bill, though generally
bachelors between thirty-flve and for
ty-five are not deemed totally incorrig-
ible and hopeless.
How many of the $1,000 bachelors In
Indiana earn more than $1,000 a year
and how many Of them are ablebodied
are questions which could not be de-
cided off-hand. But that many OF
them, perhaps as many as ten thou
sand, would fall within the provisions
of the proposed law seems probable
and the school fund of the state and
the orphan asylums would. by the
adoption of this act, be considerably
enriched.
In New York state there are 100000
unmarried men between thirty five
and forty-five, 10000 between forty
five and fifty-five and $4,000 between
fifty-five and sixty-five. There are
moreover, candor compels, and femi-
nine neglect accentuates the admis-
sion, $500 bachelors over sixty five
absolute incorrigibles.-New York Sun
Montana news. [volume] (Lewistown, Mont.) 1904-191?, 1905-02-08

Comrades: | was much impressed
the other day by a comrade, who in
talking to me said; Every Social
ist is a grain of radium. He is an
everlasting storehouse of energy,
is giving off this force in light, which
pierces everything"
Ii is due to the efforts of such
class conscious comrades, that we
made the grand showing, which was
registered at the polls last fall. But
my friends, there was great number
of us who did not do their duty,
when they registered their protest
against the present capitalistic party
on the Sth day of November. They
did not live up to the obligations
which they assumed as Socialists,
when they rested on the laurels of
having voted right" for they should
have watched ahh worked unceas-
ingly, to see that the sacred rights
which are invested in us as American
citizens we're not violated. They
should have used every effort to per-
suade their fellow laborers to cast a
vote for the principles which our
platform represents.
Now that election is over, and the
masses have declared themselves for
the principles of capitalism, those
who were neglectful of their duty on
that day, can redeem themselves by
working without intermission for the
cause, and pile up a vote in 1908
that will carry us on to Washington.
They can become, as our comrade
aptly expressed it, "a grain of rad
ium."
There is no PLAUSIBLE reason, nor
no intelligent objection which can
be offered by any man, why Social
ism should not be adopted, as the
method of running our government.
1t is the embodiment of true democ-
racy. Ii guarantees to all the citi-
zens the greatest personal freedom,
the greatest scope for the expression
of their individuality, the most
equitable system of production and
distribution; laws which cannot help
but raise them to higher plane of
social intercourse; and last, but not
least protects their homes, and
guards with jealous care all that has
made home sacred in their sight. Ii
is the only system that will render
society immune from the exploita-
ton of avaricious men. IL guaran-
tees to every man, woman and child
all the rights, privileges, necessities
Injuries, which are and should be
theirs, and prevents any one from
usurping the rights which are inher-
Montana news. [volume] (Lewistown, Mont.) 1904-191?, 1905-02-08
Every SOCiaHSta
Grain of Radiun7

All these facts are strenuously de-
MED by the self appointed guardians
of our country. They are denied
by the Parry-ites of the citizens t2)
alliance. They are denied in the
same breath, as are the principles OF
the constitution, by the Bells and
Peabodys of this nation. Yet, when
challenged by the members of our
party, to open debate; when asked
to prove by logic and not by vitu-
peration, that the statements which
they have cast against the integrity
of the Socialist party, are not as
false as the men who utter them
these men CD either evade, or ut
terly refuse to accept the challenges
of our defenders. There can be bu,
one reason for it comrades, and that
is, that they know they are liars,
perjurers, and dare not publicaly
voice the sentiments, which they are
so anxious to have you believe as
truths.
Socialism, teaches that all the nat
ural resources are the property of the
people, to be used and governed for
their greatest welfare and comfort.
That all the means of production
are the property of the people, to be
operated, and the products of their
operation, to be the common prop
erty of the people as unit We are
taught that the value of the products
shall be measured by the time, or
labor cost of their production and
distribution, and that they shall be
sold at their actual time or labor
value. That labor shall receive
compensation for its work, consist
ing of certificates, or credit slips for
the performance of certain number
of hours of work, and that these GER
tificates shall have a purchasing
value of an equitable number of
hours work represented in the pro-
ducts of any form of labor. In fix
ing the value of any commodity, we
shall take the average, not the indiv-
idual time production, as the stand
ard for its value. Personal property
rights shall not include means of
production, and in no case shall ex-
ceed proportions that may jeoprodize
the public welfare. All personal
property rights of an unproductive
nature, while limited, shall be as
sacred as the laws of man can make
them. No debt except the public
debt to other nations, shall be con-
sidered legal, for every man will re-
ceive an equal share of the products
of the nation and therefore will have
! no excuse for being in debt. The
Montana news. [volume] (Lewistown, Mont.) 1904-191?, 1905-02-08

signs upon our right to liberty, dare
10 tell us, that, that which we pro-
duce belongs to them; that labor is
but the tool, which by Divine right,
has been made gift for their own
exploitation. That labor has no
right, but to slave, and suffer, that
capital may live as a parasite; sap
ping from us the rich red blood
which has given this nation its life.
Comrades. There is but one path
which we can follow that will lead
us TO our ultimate goal. We do not
claim to have a panacea for all the
ills of humanity, but we do claim
that Socialism is the only scientific
and universal plan whereby the
greatest good will be done to the
greatest number of the people of our
land. 1t is not the theory of a sill
yer tongued orator, thought up in a
night to catch the fancy of an idle
rabble, but the deductions of our
greatest thinkers of the most emf
nent students of political economy.
1t is a path strewn with the bodies
of those who have given their whole
lives, that its truth should live, and
today it stands paramount to any
issue of modern times.
The very fact that Socialism is
not local nor a national issue but
an international one, should of itself
be sufficient evidence of ist potency.
Therefore ask you to take upon
yourself the responsibility of help
ing to spread its doctrine among all
men. 1t is a work that needs a mil
lion hands and a million tongues
that ten million of the proletarian
class may hear and learn its truths.
That we may show to the world that
our forefathers did not put their
trust in us in vain. We must each
be that grain of radium, we must
work until we have flooded the minds
of all our fellow men with the beau
ties and the broadness of the Social.