The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1905-05-25

ROLLED Oh THE GRASS TOGETHER.
at the shank. While he c9ntcnded that
it was Old ana rusty ana ready to
break, he offered to buy Il new one to
replace it. Much to his surprise. he
was allowed to do so. and he went
home to say 10 his wife:
Martha. I've known Deacon Hard
man for thirty years and have Just
found him out He's a human hog.
and if he ever goes 10 heaven l want
to go somewhere else
For two weeks after that the two
deacOns nodded cOldly to each other
Whenever they met. and it gradually
became known to Jericho that their
! relations We're strained. Then one
morning Deacon G0Odhue set out to
drive five hogs over to the weighing
scales. lie had TO pass the other dea-
cons house and as he came along the
gate was open and all the hogs made
rush for it, He was trying to drive
them out of Deacon Hardman's yard
whom the latter came out and said:
by gum, Deacon Goodhue, but this
is goin too fur-too fur. You opened
that gate and driv your hogs in on me
a-purpoSe.'
Il never did, and you know didn't"
retorted Deacon Goodhue as he paused
in his running
Yes, you did"
mo, l didn't"
.Do you call me liar"
Yes, if YOU call me one"
Take it back or I'll mop the ground
with you!"
Come out here and I'll make you
see starS!
Then and there the deacons clinched
and rolled on the grass together, and
they were choking each other and
breathing hard when Moses Schemer-
horn came along and separated them.
Deacon Uardman went straight to JUS
tice Somerfeld and swore out war
rant for assault and battery, and two
days later the trial came off, and Jeri-
ch0 had sensation to beat Il landslide
or Il volcano.
Both men had their friends and the
public was divided. The only person
who had witnessed the fracas was Dea-
con Hardman's wife, but there were
other witnesses sworn.
Old Mrs Taylor swore that she had
always suspected Deacon Goodhue to
be a man of violent temper and that
he only needed to be kicked to become
a murderer Moses Hunt was a mile
away that morning looking for his
COW, but he swore that Deacon Hard
man was the sort of man to lose his
temper and do awful things if he found
a strange hog roofing up his holly
hooks. Abner CrosSman. who had
known both parties for thirteen years,
swOre that he had known Deacon
GOOdhue to fall off Il haystack, get
mired in swamp and fight humble
bees for half an hour without losing
the smile on his face, and he could not
! believe that he had begun this fuss
Opposed to him was Trueheart John
son, who said he had seen Deacon
Hardman kicked head over heels by a
COW, run over by a hog and knocked
down by ram and that he preserved
a humble spirit throughout and even
asked the COW to forgive him if he had
/ hurt her feelings.
| Mrs. Hardman's testimony was that
she was washing the dishes after
breakfast when she heard her husband
give a grunt and rush from the house.
/ She followed him to the door and heard
and saw all that subsequently passed,
though in such a nervous state that she
could not be sure of anything. She felt
| almost sure that Deacon GoOdhue said
Shy gum and devil and ''Old crank, "
but she wouldn't be positive of it.
She was almost as sure thatcher hus-
band started to sing hymn and made
some Scriptural quotation, but she
might have been mistaken. She was
not sure who grabbed the other first,
but she could swear on the living Bible
that they had trudden~ all the cucum-
bers into the earth and broken down
most of her tiger lilies. She ended by
saying that she uad had rheumatism
..