davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1905-11-26

you viii have many occasions N
after life 10 be thankful for. Make
her your enemy and you not only
make your wife unhappy. but you lay
the foundation for some mighty un-
comfortable moments for yourself.
Don't be chump. my boy. Dplo-
macy has ever won more victories
than war. and tact viii accomplish
what opposition cannot effect in the
least.
It is much the same with your
wife's sisters. but the conditions are
considerably modified. Il is quite
important to obtain and retain their
good wiIl-.mportant, / mean. fos
your peace of mind and comfort as
well as Anna Mays-and you cant
get it by force OF arms. Keep in
mind ali the time that they are your
sisters-in-law. and therefore entitled
to greater consideration than most
other women. Once make them your
friends, 1t viii take a ca1acIysm to
change them. AS TO your father-in-
law and brother-in-law-w they
are men and comparatively easy to
get along with. Just let them see
that you are a real man and that
you are going TO give their daughter
and sister a square deal and they
will stand By you until the lower
regions become CONCEALED.
SO John, it all resolves Itself into
the right treatment OF your wife IN
the first place, and the kindly and
tactful,corsideration OF her relations
in the second. You are not required
to yield any Of your rights. You
don't need to get down on your
knees to anybody. Simply be a man
of sense. plain boss sense. Keep
your wagon in the middle Of the ROAD
but dodge the stumps. The driver
who goes over Instead OF around
obstacles may reach his destination.
but he'll need a blacksmith when he
gets there. Make tact, tact, tact a
compound with your love, and yoe
will eventually praise the Lord that
your wife has relatives. And. now,
my boy. right now, is the time 20
make them friends. Now you are on
trial, in a way. Now they are sizing
you up to see whether Anna May
has drawn a prize or a blank The
judgment viii be rendered soon, and
your conduct toward them has much
10 do with that judgment See that
it is rendered in your favor and you
viii have provided capital for your
future life that viii yield interest
compounded semi-annually TO the
end
have treated this matter serious
~, John, because il is really a
mighty serious subject, in spite of
the jokes it has caused. Your wife's
relations are of much more i'm
pCrtanee in the maintenance of your
domestic happiness than your own.
and you cannot do too much TO Sc
cure their respect and love-Y0ur
affectionate father,
JOHN SNEED.
Copyright. 1905. by Caspar s xost-D
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1905-11-26

and training of lifetime Anna
May is still her mothers daughter.
still respects her advice and cher
ishes her love, and although she may
do as you wish in every particular,
if your wishes are opposed to the in
fiuenee that has hitherto guided her
she cannot yield without a struggle
within herself Now. don't mis-
understand me- | am not saying
that you should let your mother-in-
law run your house. Not by a jug
full. But you must take all these
facts into consideration and bring
your wife gradually to your way of
thinking. If you are sure your way
is the right way. Don't attempt to
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1905-11-26

the custom of humorists out of ma
terial for copy to fail back on the
mOther-in-law She has been held
up to ridicule as the common enemy
OF married men the world over.
There isn't any more real basis for
these jokes than there is for the
ancient one about the ba1d-headed
man in the front row. I have al
ways been a pretty regular attend
ant at the theater and l have yet to
see d greater proportion of bald
headed men in front than of those
more fortunate in the matter of hair.
l believe in giving even the devil his
due, and am satisfied that the debt
the world owes its mother-in-law is
so great that not even the interest
on it could ever be paid. 1t is true
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1905-11-26
Determine Sex in Advance.

land are the chemists able to deter
mine the sex always?'' asked the nerv.
Gus little woman
Why, TO be sure, answered the sales
woman, with apparent scorn of our ig-
norance. You don't suppose, do you,
that If you ordered a girl we would
send you boy? Wei. should say not
That would ruin our business in no
time
We walked back with the saleswomau
to her own department and left her
there with many earnest thanks for the
marvellous world she had shown US
Then We descended to the great cor
respondence room on the first floor,
where another interesting scene awaited
US. Scores of men and women were
busy at their desks, and everywhere
we heard the hum of typewriters and
telegraph instruments. Folios Of letters
and kilograms from all parts of the
country were piled up about US. and
as special favor to orr party we
were allowed to glance through one of
the letter files for the purpose of not
ing how the business is carried on.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1905-11-26

of a very wealthy and very eccentric
old man. said the saIeswoman, who
wants a boy who shall be a great
horseman. Our chemists say it is n
very easy job"
Next VIC came where men were pound
ing each others faces with padded
gloves, grinding their teeth and swear
ing. This is an odd order, too" said
the saleswoman. a big pork merchant
in Chicago offered US 5000 for a cham
pion heavyweight pugilist, and the men
are working overtime To get the order
the contract -
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1905-11-26

new chemist wrong materials were
eareiessly used and the result is ap-
parent. The mistake was discovered and
it was not intended that you should re-
ceive No. 9.647, but, on account OF an
unprecedented rush Of orders the child
slipped through the shipping department.
and is now We regret TO say, in your
hands. We hasten to assure you of our
very sincere regret and ask that you re-
turn No. e,S4T at cur expense, and per-
nit US 20. fill your order satisfactorily.
Thanking you for past fayors and trust
ing that VIC shall enjoy a continuance
of the same, we beg 70 remain, very
LOEB MANUFACTURING co.
Per l.
And here are few Of the thousands
of kilograms:
Chicago. March 20. 1g5s-If not too
late. change eur order of March 10 TO
auburn hair. hazel eyes. and make feet
one size smaller. A J. c.
DALLAS. Tex, March 1g, Ig53.-Send u.
S. X, c. o. D.. before June !, male.
strong constitution. two sets double
teeth, good eyes, suitable for ranching.
JAMES JOHNSON.
Boston. March II, 1s5s.-Boy sent
october last has crooked legs. Can you
oure?'
This cold answer went back over the
wire:
We cannot make alterations in goods
after leaving cur hands.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1905-11-26

destroy her love for her mother.
You can't do it in the first place, but
if you could you would de-
prive her of friend whose
help she will often need in
times when you are helpless. No
matter how deep her love for you.
you cannot fill a mothers place, and
you ca to her happiness and to
your own by making that mother
your friend 1t isn't hard to do.
She is not an ogre. Let her be once
convinced that you can be depended
upon TO give her daughter the care
and love she is entitled to, and she
will become your most devoted ally.
Take her into your confidence. treat
her as you would your own mother,
show her that you are 10 be trust
ed, and you will have made a friend
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1905-11-26
Is stageg Of Creation.

The odor you get here" said our
guide, comes from the IaboratoriesS
and VIII grow stronger as we proceed.
put you viii soon become accustomed to
II. and ! venture you viii find it quite
agreeable; most visitors do" We dis
covered that the young mans words
proved true as we went on.
The passage We were traversing now
came to an abrupt end. and In front OF
US We're double glass doors, through
Which we saw the interior of a large
anteroom- Leading out OF that were
many narrow passages, at the end of
which were strange colored lights and
we could distinguish imperfectIv the
forms Of men moving about apparently
at work over crucibles and odd-shaped
vessels These small rooms had some
what the appearance of a photoera-
pner darkroom. but just what the men
were doing there we were not permitted
70 observe, nor did cur guide explain
except TO inform Us that this was called
the fundamental department. where the
process Of creation actually began we
were now about 10 pass into the ante
room when our guide paused and point
ed 20 a group Of odd-looking characters
above the door. They We're like hero
giyBh1ies
THAT 1 can tell you only in part" he
replied These characters indicate to
our workmen precisely what kind OF
prOtCplasms are produced IN this sec
ton. = necessary to have each labo-
ratOry plainly marked for the guidance
OF attendants and those who deliver the
chemicals. In each laboratory there are
many small rooms, such as you see at
the end of these narrow passages, and
IN each place the cultures OF different
klncs Of beings are made. This one ds
laboratory No J. The inscription above
the door tells our chemists and attend
ants what sort OF children are produc6d
Ia this place. AS you can readily under
stand different combination OF chems-
Gals is required Tor each kind or chill
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1905-11-26
Some Youngsters Go Awry.

Here are a few specimens of the cor
Tespondence taken at random:
st. Paul, March 25, 1888. Loeb Man
ufaotuTing Company. Limited, Berkeley.
CaL-Gentiemen: In October last 1 or
dered from you male child. RED hair.
blue eyes, small hands and feet. lively
temperament, suitable for politics or
legal profession. The rat and tan lob
ster you send me by express today has
curly black hair, green eyes. and feet
and hands Ike a flsh's fins. He's as
lively as an oyster-just about. If you
consider this the right way 10 treat an
old customer, then your ideas of busi-
ness and mine are greatly at variance
Very truly yours. PETER BROWN"
To which this soothing reply was sent:
Peter Brown. Esq. St Paul. Mimi
Dear Mr.. Brown: Replying TO your IA
vor of 25th instant. we greatly regret
that our consignment, male child. spe-
cial order No. s.s47, is not satisfactory.
In explanation we are obliged to in
form you that through on error of a
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1905-11-26

sters seem 10 think that's all there
is to tt-and never Try TO see beyond.
They don't realize that marriage is
the passing INTO a new life. or rather
the graduation into real life, where
the surroundings and conditions are
different ana the responsibilities
much heavier than before. That's
why there are so many disappoints
ments. It's just like putting a green
man into q football team at the be-
ginning of a match. He doesn't
know the game, isn't prepared for
the contest, and is carried out in the
first half. Marriage is the greatest
game on earth, and there ought to
be such things as matrimonial coach
es to teach those who would play it
not only how to line up, but how to
reach the goal. Such a coach would
need to have many and diverse les
sons for his pupils, and one of the
most important in the course would
deal with the treatment of ones
wife's relations.
That, ] judge from the Iugubrious
tone of your last letter. is the prob
lem you're rasslin' with now, and it's
a problem that better men than you
and | have tackled from the days of
Cain and Abel down. It's knocked
ont a good many Of the best of them,
too. Some of these dusty diggers
after family secrets of the past are
said to have found mother-in-law
jokes in cuneiform inscriptions. That
may not be true, but nobody can
deny the fact that there were moth
ers-in-law in the days when men
wrote their letters with a pointed
stick on COB of mud, and they
were doubtless as prominent in do
nestle affairs then as now. Yes,
know it's the present that's bother
ing you now. but I just wanted 10
show you that you haven't butted
into an entirely new proposition, as
you seem to think. Why, even your
mother had some relations when
married her, and a good many Of
them have the temerity TO be alive
yet. I am rather glad of 1t, too. be-
cause 1 have become as much att2ch-
ed TO them as TO nay own blood kin,
and there are one or two in partieu-
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1905-11-26
Huge workshop Of humanity.

just 2 word in description OF this
wonderful establishment All told it
covers about ten acres Of ground and
occupies the spot where the University
Of California once stood II was in the
laboratory OF this institution that ID.
Loeb worked out his immortal triumph
and IL is fitting that the establishment
bearing his name should be located
here as II 70 Derpetuate the sanctity OF
the hallowed ground. The main sfruc-
tire extends east and west and is
built OF the Whitest Of marble. Many
large windows let in a profusion Of
light. and the interior Is very clean
and well ventilated. This main build.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1905-11-26

EAENI marvellous discoveries IN
- stead OF causing men to pause
in their effort after the seeming
~ impossible. has only made
them discuss the probability Of even
more wonderful successes. II has prac-
tieaIly been decided that airships viii
in very few years be on the market.
But the manufacture of baby boys and
girls Is a still undeveloped field. although
many scientists have worked IL their
laboratories 10 produce animal life by
artificial means Byron r Newton. in
the Chicago Record Herald has given
description of a baby factory as It may
be found fifty years hence.
THE Loeb Manufacturing Co. Ltd,
established A. d. 1850"
Glttering in letters Of silver above
The massive structure we behold this
sign long before reaching the spot En-
tering the grounds a bronze statue Of
the Immortal DR.. Ja0ues Loeb looked
serenely down upon Us. and craven tn
SIS base We're these words:
Erected TO the memory of Jacques
Loeb. who solved the problem of the
ages when he discovered the secret Of
producing human life through chemical
process IN the year Of cur Lord 1925.
Here we are then. at last. about TO
enter the wonder spot OF the century
where human beings were chemically
created to order just as the busting
little factory farther down the street
turned out automobiles and airships TO
suit the whims ana tastes Of those who
paid for them. Naturally. each member
Of our small party felt sense OF eager
ness to get inside the place and see for
themselves. yet there stirred in each
breast. I am sure a haif-formed assur-
snee that the mind must doubt what the
eyes were about 10 look upon. One Of
our women. a nervous little thing. shud-
dered as we set foot upon the marble
steps. and uttered a lysterieaI laugh.
If it's a fraud" she gasped. ! m
ashamed 10 be seen here. and If it's true.
don't want 10 know itt'
Hush, we said to her. Come along
and dom make as all ridiculous. She
obeyed. but what she saw later nearly
oveTcame her
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1905-11-26

ton, her tastes and her wants much
better than do you She probably
has her doubts about your ability to
fill the role of the model husband.
and she views your conduct at the
beginning Of your married life with
some anxiety. not to say suspicion.
All this is nothing more than the ex-
preston of the mother love, preju-
diced, of course, and therefore get
ting a more or less distorted view
of things, but it is the part of wis
dom to give her opinions considera-
ton, no matter how much they may
differ from yours. 1t isn't advisable
in any position in life to be too
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1905-11-26
LIE WTTS RELATIONS


staneh friends, and true friends are
rare enough in this world to make
it worth while to go little out of
your way to get them. 1t is true
that you didn't marry the whole
family, but by your marriage You
assumed a good many responsible
ties and secured some membranes
and a few perquisites that the
preacher neglected to mention. Your
wife's people may be membranes
and they may be perquisites, but
whether they are one or the other
depends to a mighty considerable ex-
tent on your attitude toward them
From time immemorial it has been
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1905-11-26

at market prices. They ranged in age
from one month to one year. Babies
not disposed of at the age OF one year
are transferred to another large build
ing, known as the clearinghouse,
where they are marked up or put in
the bargain counter class, according as
their deNelopment demands.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1905-11-26

dren- II I told YOU more than that
Moula De revealing secrets which are
sacredly guarded here
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1905-11-26

Z Dear John: Marriage
always means a great
deal more than merely
trotting a girl up to a
The Montgomery advertiser., 1905-08-26
STORY IS ROMANTIC
WOMAN TRYING TO SAVE THE MAN
 WHO SHIELDED HER.
Caught by Husband in Home, He COn- fessed That He Had Broken Into House to steal and
 Was Sentenced.

New York, Aug. 26.-As strange a story as that constituting the plot of any novel will be told to Governor Higgins of New York by New York city lawyer when he endeavors to se- cure the pardon of a man who chose to serve a sentence of three years i'm prisonment In Sing Sing for theft, of which he was innocent, to shield the name of a woman from scandal.
 Carl Fisher Hansen. the lawyer, said today that he would appeal for the pardon of the prisoner. whose name he would not reveal at the request of the woman whose reputation the prisoner had saved at an expense of his own liberty.
 The woman, MT. Fisher Hansen said. had visited his office within a few days and said that her husband had just died and that she now wanted to do Justice to the prisoner. They had been friends. and more than year ago when her husband returned unex- pectedly he caught the other running away To save her from scandal the man confessed that he had broken into her home to steal. whereupon he was arrested and is now in Sing Sing. The prisoner, said MT. Fisher Hansen. was a young college student who disap- peared from one of the colleges when he wae arrested. No one has ever known what became of him, as he was tried and sentenced under an assumed name.
 The woman in the case has also paid a penalty for her indiscretion. as ser want who knew of the affair, has col lected ss6. 900 in blackmail from her within a few years. She is member of one of the best families in New York and her husband owned several factories in New Jersey.
The Montgomery advertiser., 1905-08-26
THE SECRET SERVICE
WORK DONE BY IMPORTANT
 BRANCH OF GOVERNMENT.
Summary of Arrests, Nationality of Ae- cuaed, O1fenses Charged, GeOgraph- icaI Division of the Prose-
 cutiOns, Etc.

Washington, Aug. 25.-The annual report of Chief Wilkie of the Secret Ser vice shows a total of 532 arrests. of which Al related to counterfeit cur rency, 52 to altered obligations, 344 to the counterfeiting of coin and the oth- CTS in connection with various viola tions of the Federal statutes.
 The nationality of the defendants represented most of the civilized coun- tries, but native born offenders led with 392 Italy being second with 42 and Austria third with IS.
 The geographical division of prosecu- tions, Pennsylvania led with 94; New York had 77: Ohio. 35; California, 29. and Missouri. 23 All of the States and Territories except Alaska were repre- sented. One case was prosecuted in Cuba.
 Counterfeit notes conffscated by the service aggregated $36.s34 against $44,S50 the previous year; while the coins seized aggregated $24.110, against s1s,419 for the previous year.
 A very large proportion of the coun- terfeit coins was captured in the hands of the makers before being placed in circulation But nine new counterfeit notes were made and circulated and of these but four l-ere considered decep- tive enough to bring them in the dam gerous class .-.
The Montgomery advertiser., 1905-08-26
p..ueuner Rate situation.

Chicago, Aug, 25.-A conference of the chairmen of the trnus-eontinental and western passenger associations was held today to draft a joint cir eular of instruction to outside agents regardinR the strict observance of the agreement reached some time ago for the betterment of the passenger rate situation.
 The circular will set forth explicitly and positively that reduced rates to any event for which such rates have been agreed to must not be made on any but the dates fixed by the agree ment for them to be effective; that tickets sold at such rates must have their transit limits clearly defined and there must be no deviation therefrom and that the regulation governing stop overs must be strictly enforced.
The Montgomery advertiser., 1905-08-26
LIVES LOST IN LooD.
Disastrous Sweep of the Waters Proved
 Fatal to Residents.

Disastrous Sweep of the waters Proved
 Fatal to Residents.
 Trinidad. Colo, Aug, 25.--According to information received from Hastings early today possibly fourteen persons were drowned in the flood at Tabasco. sixteen miles north Of Trinidad yes- terday evening. Seven houses occu- pied by Austrian ana italian laborers and their families were swept away. Tabasco and Berwin coal mining camps having together about 1000 population. are located In Rhode canyon. Parties leaving Trinidad for the scene were unable to go through on account of the washouts.
 The Colorado and Southern branch at Berwin was washed away and a heavy volume of waters rushed down the canyon all night. making 1t im- possible to penetrate 70 the point where the loss of life is said to have oc- cured. Rumors are In circulation that twelve to twenty houses were swept down the canyon and twenty-fiive to thirty lives lost. These reports are still unverified at noon today. Traffic on the Colorado and Southern. the Santa Fe and the Denver and Rio Grande roads is interrupted owing to the washouts in this vicinity.
 Coroner Epsy has received a mes- sage from Hastings stating that five bodies had been recovered.
The Montgomery advertiser., 1905-08-26
GraIu Rate War Settled.

Chicago Aug. 25.-The long stand ing war between the western roads and the gulf lines over domestic ana eN- nort grain rates was finally settled to- day and formal announcement of the agreement will be made as soon as the votes of the Missouri, Kansas Texas and the Kansas City Southern roads are received.
 Under the settlement the lines oper- ating to the gulf of Mexico ports make . sIIaht concession to the roads from the Missouri river to Chicago and con nections to Atlantic ports and the lat ter give something to the gulf lines. The new tariffs will go into effect De- tober 1. In addition to the rate con sessions, the railroad representatives, agreed that the elevator charses TOT Ioadina be waived and that the only charge to be made would be l-2 cents per loo pounds for grain originating al or west of the Missouri river.