Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1905-02-03
Humorous

She-Are you sure you love me for
myself alone? He-Did- you think l
loved you for your mother?-Somer-
vile Journal.
Mr.. and Mrs. Nubride have Joined
the church" why not? Turn about's
fair play; didn't the church join them?'
Philadelphia Press.
Lady-Did you ever feel az though
you'd like to work? Tramp-Yes'm.
l wouldn't mind being lineman for
wireless telegraph company.-Judge.
"Brainleigh tells me he is writing
popular novel," Yes, his doctors
insisted on his resting his mind for
a whilev-New Orleans Times-Demo-
crat.
He Got It: The Woman--No, 1 can't
give you meal. The Tramp didn't
think you could, mum; you look too
young and inexperienced to know how
to cook.-New York Sun.
Church, see the Attorney General
| is going to stop all this guessing busi-
ness in the newspapers. Gotham
| Whom do you suppose that's aimed
at? The weather bureau?-Yonkers
| Statesman.
Lucky Stars: 'I'ye had very sue
cessful season. said the prosperous
| looking theatrical manager. We'll,
you can thank your stars for that" re-
piled the seedy-looking manager
Yonkers Statesman.
He-Do you remember your old
school friend, Sophy Smythe? She
Yes, indeed, do. A most absurd-look-
ing thing. So silly, too! What-became
Of her? He-Oh, nothing. Only
married her.-Boston Globe.
Mamma-Fighting again. Willie?
Didn't 1 tell you to stop and count
one hundred whenever you were an
CRY? Willie-But it didn't do any
good, ma Look what the Jones boy
did while 1 counted!-Harper's Bazar.
Cholly-So Miss Tartum loosened up
and said a good word about me, did
she? Archie-Yes; she said that when
one got better acquainted with you
| OHG 1Ouuu you "ClC AoI iAe@AA ~S ~>o
fool as you appeared to be.-Chlcago
| Tribune.
One Advantage: Rimer-Do you
really prefer to have long poems sent
in to you rather than short ones? Ed1-
tor-Yes. When they're long, you see,
I don't have to think up any other
excuse for rejecting them.-Philadel-
phia Press.
81 don't believe the woman who re-
Gently moved into the fiat across the
hall is any better than she should be, "
remarked Mrs. Naggsby. "Of course
not, my DEAR" rejoined Naggsby; who
ever heard of a woman that wasp
st. Louis Star.
Miss Plane-Yes, Tom proposed last
night, and 1 accepted him. See this
ring Miss Wise-Indeed? By the
way. dear, don't attempt to cut glass
with that diamond, as 1 did, or you'll
make another nick in the stone.-Phil-
adelphia Press.
The Child-Aunt Mary, nurse says
when it thunders, it's the Lord scoldin'
| us. AuuL CIhdpo II 49, oOsAh'
The Child-Well, don't see what he's
got to be so mad about. Use done
everything to-day 'cept brush my teef.-
Brooklyn Life.
Wife-Henry, what makes you in
such furious temper Husband-I'm
trying to read Scotch dialect story.
The plot is fearfully exciting, but I
can't hurdle over the language fast
enough to keep up with the hero!
Detroit Free Press.
Rural Adorer (bashfully)-Youd didn't
go to Millie Meadows party. Don't
you like kissin' games? Pretty Maid
No. I don't. Rural Adorer (weakly)-
Why don't you? Pretty Maid (encour-
agingly)-Cause there's so many look
in on.-New York Weekly.
He reading about the latest society
wedding)-They have lot to say
about what the bride wears, but they
have nothing to say about the poor
bridegroom. She-They have no need
to, because it is a well-knewn fact
that he usually wears worried look.
Boston Globe.
Madame lin busy street in Paris)-
Oh, NJ. rAgent, is it true that it is
dangerous to stand with the foot on
the electric tramline? NJ. PAgent-No,
madame, it is not dangerous so long
as you do not stand with one foot ON
the line and the other on the overhead
wire-Pick Me Up.
t. Miss Flyrty-Jack Hanson was tell
ing me about romantic adventure he
had at the party last night. 1t seems
he bumped into girl in a dark hall
way and kissed her; and he doesn't
know yet Miss Elders-Ohi tee
hee! That was I. Miss Flyrty-What?
Oh, for goodness sake, don't tell him
now. Let him have his romance
Philadelphia Press.
Miss Hoamley-Didn't you hear Miss
Knox tell me yesterday that was 1.-THE
homeliest girl in our set?" Miss Good
ley-Yes, the hateful thing! gave
her piece of my mind about it after
ward. Miss Hoamley-Oh! did you? l