Aberdeen herald. [volume] (Aberdeen, Chehalis County, W.T.) 1886-1917, 1905-11-27

Ibid Maud and Clara kiss and make
up?" '"They kissed and spoiled their
make-up."-Ex
Doctor-Do you talk in your sleep?
Patient-No, l talk in other peoples.
I'm lergyman.-Brooklyn Life.
Bob Smith is sick abed." Has he
got anything dangerous?" "Well, he's
got young DR.. Jones. Town Topics.
Knicker-Is he n successful bust
ness man? Bocker-I suppose so, he
boasts that he is going to be investi-
gated.-Puck.
Husband-Well. I must say that all
fools are not dead yet! Wife (affec-
tionately)-Tm glad of it. dear.
never look well in black.-Illustrate
Bits.
Tommy, why is it that you are al
ways fighting with little Willie Bus
kirk?' "'Cause he can't run as fast
as me m l can lick him. Chicago
Record Herald.
THAT man says a dishonest dollar
never passed through his hands" Not
If he could help it," answered Senator
Sorghum; ''he always held on to it,
Washington Star.
Genius" he said, should never be
hampered with the cares Of family"
Mistake" said the married man, lin
this extravagant age 1t takes genius
to keep a family"
Citizen-What possible excuse did
you fellows have for acquitting that
murderer? Juryman-Insanity. Citl-
zen--Gee! The whole twelve Of you?
cleveland Leader.
Cltizen-Why don't you nominate n
good, honest, incorruptible man for
this office? Poitician-What's the
use? Well have good majority with
out t."-Cleveland Leader
Poor fellow, l pity him! The en-
gagement is at an end" "Gracious!
Do you mean to say the girl has gone
back on him." Worse than that!
She has been married to him."
PA" asked Tommy. whats the
difference between assurance and
insurance.? WELL my son, one is
what the agent has and the other Is
what he persists in trying to sell you"
Teacher-If man gets four dollars
for working eight hours day, what
would he get If he worked ten hours
a day? Johnny-Ten hours day?
Gee. He'd get call-down from de
union.
"Now." said the teacher, who had
ben giving an elementary talk upon
architecture. "can any little boy tell
me what 'buttress' is? " II know"
shouted Tommy Smart. "a nanny
goat"
Sympathetic Lady-Very sad that
your husband should have lost his
leg. How did it happen? Mrs. Mug
gles-Why, he got run over by one O.
these ERE satisfaction engines, miss!
Punch.
Mrs. Backmedders-W What's them
numbers on the automobile fer,
Hiram? Mr.. Backmedders-Wh
that's the feller's score. 1t shows how
many folks he's run over.-Chicago
Daily News.
Mike" said Flooding Pete" don't
you wish dot you was one O desc here
trust magnatesY Nav" was the an
swer; ut 'ud be too much like tradin'
off good appetite fur case o dys-
pepsy. "-Washington Star.
stop" she cried; 'if you dare to
"What?" he asked when she hestated.
"Humph" she replied. "if you had
any spunk you'd go ahead and find
out ."-Chcago Record Herald
dat dog O. mine" said Mr.. Eras-
tus Pinkly. keeps on atryin to whup
ev'y four footed critter dat comes
down de road" He must be fight
err" mo. sub He amt no fighter.
But he don seem able to reco'nize de
fack."
1--WE had quite prominent actor as
guest at our house the other even
ing" Gracious. didn't you find 1t
hard to entertain him?" "Oh, no, we
Just handed him bunch of photo
graphs and his own was among them.
He amused himself for hours. "-Phila-
delphia Press.
Miss Oldgold-Before give you my
answer, Count tell me one thing
When my freshness of youth is gone,
and the hand of time has diminished
whatever beauty l possessed: when adj
vancing years cause my cheeks to fade
and my charms to vanish-tell me-
Count. will you love me then? The
Count do.
First Cabman--What did you charge
that stranger for driving him around
the corner to the hotel? Second Cab
man-Four dollars and nnety-seven
cents. First Cabman-Why didn't you
make 1t an even five dollars? Second
Cabman-Because four dollars and
ninety-seven cents was all he had
Lippincott's.
How do you get so many suDscrlo'
ers:" asked the visitor to the office OF
the great magazine. Just between
YOU and me I'll tell you the secret. All
the manuscript sent in | keep. an
swer the contributors and tell them
tho stuff will be used as soon as avail