Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1905-10-21
vyban Man Is Useless.

When all of the conceit is Knocked ont
,f 4 man he usually falls back upon his
rglrnt for usefulness us a last stand.
lie knows he is handy about the house
mat he can drive a nail straight and
RIM up a stepladder and do odd Jobs
tgam tile sheer love of tinkering, and
taa: merely by signing his name to a
narrow stri1 of paper he can bring ra-
.a.aucy 10 the most downcast couh-
renance in his wifes repertoire. All of
which IS to his credit and duly noted.
Eat there are moments when man is
absolutely as useless feature i'll his
own household as a second nose or
,.rd eye would be to the human face.
IL rne first place, lie is or 20 earthly
account when his wife is sick. When
man comes home and finds the bedroom
hlnds drawn and the shades down and
q huddled figure on the couch proclaim
ing by mingled odor of camphor and
aromatic salts that the wife of his bosom
is wrestling with sick headache, he at
-ce ceases to be Il man and becomes Il
mechanism of the most awkward con-
struCtiOn
Numbering over the chair rockers he
brings up with jar against the sofa
with the very tactful inquiry, Got a
headacheE \ humble from the couch.
Too bad. Stuffy as the mischief in
here. \ little fresh arid do you good.
I'li Just open the blinds which he pro-
caeds to do. Then he noisily moves a
chair up to the window. opens his even
ING paper, shakes it out, rafting the
leaves like pebbles in dry gourd. and
reads aloud an item of interest here and
there. with the CHEEKY air of one who is
doing his whole duty and doing it well,
says Cally Ryland in the News Leader.
Sometimes, fitting his mood 10 Inc mei-
HHchOly appearance of the room. he sits
beside her and pOurs out his woes as to
The failure Of his latest deal. or. improv-
ing the darkened hour. he discourses on
abe rising tide Of household expenses
all,, suggests ways and means of cutting
item down, all in Il voice subdued to
a." drab tone of the atmosphere.
y man is hopeleSsly useless as lady's
maid. and where the blouse buttons up
the back he is down and out Of service.
He can look on at his suffering spouse
ceutipeding her arms in every direction
~ tue vain endeaYor to bring together
The shoulder blade portion of her lingerie,
with all the stoicism of the American
Indian; but unless he is sure of his deX
tarity he will never offer to butt in on
the buttons.
Long ago his fingers learned the art Of
@Wkwardness over the fastenings of his
sreetheart's glove. and they have never
uaicarned it, though years Of married en-
deavor have rolled over him.
Even as cloak-toter, he is by 40
lleans bowling success There are few
objects more pathetic than the man who
follows his wife up the aisle at a church
wedding with his left arm stiflly extend
ed like 4 clothes horse, and a handsome
wrap dangling YEARLY therefrom.
Nhen his wife gives a party, no one
is 50 frankly or ubiquitousy in the way
rs the man who is footing the bills.
Either he stands around with his
hands in his pockets on the very spot
in which palm or card table is to
he placed. giving directions that no one
ever listens to. or he decants the sherry
on the best table cloth, or he goes on
voyage of discovery for dust where no
ole else would ever dream of looking for
II and the maid who is busy with the
mayonuaise must leave it to spoil while
size flourishcS the broom and dIsl cloth
ia unsupported corners.
All other signs of mischief failing, he
la> preliminary party with the chill
aren ~ the nursery. whence 4 little later
on eolicky walls descend to the arriving
guests.
vt the first sign of a woman's tears
q utau looks as entirely out Of place as
he would actually like to be. No amount
81 handneSS serves him then. He be-
comes as stark and cold as a corpse. and
is neither useful as a mop no. bailer.
Truly. man in his place is a useful as
" Tree in landscape. or tongue III
Wagon, but as a sick nurse. iddy'S maid,
director Of home festivities, or Sympa-
t.lZinc CONSIDER Of grief he is not to be
seriously reckoned with.-Philadelph
Telegraph.