The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1905-02-27
TWO STORIES TOLD or VEST.

lame ana the matchleSS George IRA
ham Vest The writer remembers a
story Senator Vest used to tell on
General Clark that Is worth while.
Vest and Clark were seated at a Ia
bic in a popular restaurant in Wash
iDgton, chatting about Missouri and
Missourians. while the waiter was out
preparing their order, the first course
of which was an appetizing mint julep
it was liz the spring.
On. this particular occasion, strange
as sit may seem to those who Knew
Vest well. Vest was doing most OF the
listening, while General Clark. in his
peculiar, scrapy. piping voice was dis
couTSing upon the merits and deIneritS
principally demerits-of Missouri po-
litical leaders Those who knew Gen
eraI Clark well during his lifetime. UNI
doubtedly remember with what eXtraV-
agance the general could praise and
laud those he had a liking for at the
moment, and with what grim humor
he could satirize and ridicule the fol-
bIeS and Weaknesses OF those he hap
pened to dislike. 1t was these dispo-
sitions OF the part of the general that
caused him to get into trouble at this
time
Although Vest was listening atten-
lively and respectfully to the generals
conversation, assisting him on with his
story with "A g-unt of approval now
and then, even offering suggestions as
occasion would permit. yet all the
while the senator was casting his eyes
to the daily paper spread out upon the
| table near him The general. encour-
aged by Vests grunts and suggestions,
was working himself up TO a striking
climax in a ludicrous story about
Missouri politician whom the general.
for the moment, had concluded he
/ al NJ hon I,a oh
terrupted by Senator Vests speaking
as if he had just discovered something
in the paper he had been CHANGING at.
BY the way, general. said Vest, do
you know one Captain - - eve
Will call him Captain John Smith for
the purpose of this story. down in
Missouri"
Yes" snapped the general. showing
some irritation at having his story in
| terrupted right in the very flower OF its
growth. ''certainly 1 know him. and a
| dirtier coward never walked the face
of the earth than this same Captain
| John Smith,
This little fling at Captain Smith was
! a left-handed stroke at Vest for inter
ruptinc his (Clark's) story. as Vest had
| planned and expected it would be-
However. the general showed a dispo-
| sition to let it all go at this, and at
! tempted to resume his fractured story
! about the Missouri. politician.
! las I was saying"
Well Vest interrupted again. not
| pretending to notice that the general
| had attempted 90 resume his story. Il
| don't know anything about the fellow
being a coward; in fact. know nothing
! about him. But knew you did. and
1 thought I would get you to tell me
! something about him."
''Of course I know him. Vest" the
general responded, pitching his scrapy
! voice in little higher key, and 1 have
| already said enough about him to cause
any genuine Missourian TO lose inter-
est in him. There is nothing to him, I
| tell you, except yellow streak from
| the crown of his head to the sole OF his
| feet, q forkcd streak. Know him, Why
! know him like a book. He's a coward,
! | tell you. and that's enough for any
( MiSsouTian to know about anybody
Why. 1 tell you that fellow is afraid to
go out in the cornfield where they are
| gathering corn because the popping of
| the breaking coTnstalks sounds so much
like gunshot that it frightens him
nearly to DEATH Don't talk to me, Vest.
about Captain John Smith, 1 know
| him.
II didn't know him, general" Vest
! innocently responded, but since you
have given such a graphic description
| OF his character feel that know him
| better. Nevertheless, general, the fell
low seems to write right good ar
| tfcle.''
| ''Humphl" snorted the general in dis
gust. I'D like to know what that fell
| low could be writing about2 Nobody
would believe word he could say. He's
| a coward, tell you; I know for I've
! had him in command under me and I've
| seen him flicker time and again. No
| body will ever believe a word a coward
! will say. But what is the fellow try
| ing to write about, Vest?'
| senator replied as he picked up the
| paper and prepared to read the story
| to the general. The senator knew he
had the general at the verge of the
| precipice and that it was time to top
pie him over, and right we'll did he do
The battle of Wilson Creek was Cen
eral Clark S theme on any and all occa-
sions, and as soon as Senator Vest
mentioned that as being Captain
Smiths subject the general was al
! attention in a moment.
| The senator began the story at the
beginning and read it clean through fol
the generals benefit, occasionally glar-
ing over the edge. of the paper out OF
the corner of his eye to observe the
effect it was having on the general
The senator was soon rewarded, for the
general soon began to twist and wrigglt
uneaSily in his seat. In other words
the general was over the precipice. hi
/ knew II ana was working his DTaII
for all it was worth for hold to re
| cover.
! The senator chuckled quietly to him
| self as he read on. Presently he came
to the climax of the story that read
about as follows:
ut was a desperate and sanguinary
battle The men in our line were. fall
! ing like withered leaves in a NOVembe
| gale and blood was running in LITTLE
rivulets from pool to pool that ha(
! gathered in the depressions all over tn
battle ground. Our men were mostl,
raw recruits, unaccustomed to sucl
4 scenes of carnage. and, as might be ex
| pected under such circumstances, the,
wsvered under the dashing assault o
| the intrepid Lyon and his valiant men
For moment it appeared that the da,
and all, even honor, would be lost il
complete defeat and an ignominiou
rout Just at this critical moment VIII
should go to the relief of our sorel.
tried men but that gallant brigade
leader who knows not what the wore
! fear means, General John b. Clark, tn
greatest hero of the battle, and the da.
) was
> WHO did you say wrote that arti
Gle. Vest?'' broke in General Clark, no
being able to restrain himself longer
Captain John Smith," the senate
replied parenthetically and turned {
his paper again as IL il was about t
: resume the reading.