The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1905-12-13

others than his own family. He has
started more than n young man Ii
business. He got a doctor his first pa
tent by telling a banker in need O.
medical services that he knew q physi
clan who had never lost a case. He
then gave the name Of the young would
be practitioner, who indeed ' had
lost II case-he never had one to lose.
1t is not generally known that Sam
uel II. Clemens is an inventor, but be
has taken out patents on q rest strap,
a scrapbook and a game. Most of his
inventions, however, are covered by
copyright rather than by patents.
Anecdotal Burs.
And now look out, for I am going to
shake the chestnut tree and open q few
anecdotal burs. They were not chest
nuts, however. when Mark Twain grew
them.
When Mrs. Astor said that q man
could not be q gentleman without a
college education Mark said he regard
ed it as "a direct personal insult"
When the humorist was slightly Ill
his death was reported and q newspa.
per sent q man to find out the particu-
lars. Mark said to the reporter:
young man, just wire your paper
that the report Of my death is greatly
exaggerated"
When asked as to the sort Of people
who make the most sympathetic listen
ers he replied, college men and con
victs."
He Is resourceful and ready on the
spur Of the moment. One morning
when his telephone was not working
we'll he used words hot enough to bills
ter the receiver. Then when he discov-
cred an eminent divine at the other end
he said blandly:
rs that you. doctor? My butler has
been at the telephone and said he
couldn't understand YOU"
He once told William Dean Howells
that indecision had made his fortune.
When he could not decide whether to
spend his last nickel for a cigar or IN
apple he kept it and SO got rich.
Here Is a sample Of q rather startling
practical joke. A kindly old couple on
whom the Clemenses were going to call
were surprised in the early evening ut
finding Il young baby left on their
front steps. They decided to adopt the
waif.
When the visitors arrived Mrs. Glenn
u almost tainted on discovering that
the baby was her own.
Twain was always fond of cats. He
had a bunch once that did not live
long. They were overweighted with
their names, he thought. The names
were Sour Mash, Apollinaris. Zoroaster
and Blatherskite.
Detests Collars and Cravats.
He is not overload Of clothes, pre-
ferring pajamas around home. He spe-
cially detests collars and cravats.
When living at Hartford he used to
climb yer the back fence and call on
Harriet Beecher Stowe. usually in a
collarless condition. One morning aft
er such a call Mrs. Stowe received a
package containing a collar and era
vat with this note:
Mrs. Clemens tells me that I spent half
an hour at your house this morning with
out the inclosed articles. Therefore I
must ask you to look at them for that
length Of time.
p. S.-Please return them; they are all
I have.
This Hartford house, by the way,
was built with the kitchen In front In
order, as the owner said, that the serv-
ants might see the callers without TAX
ing time to run into the halls and peep
through doors.
Much Of the humorist's work is done
at his summer home ut Saranac Lake,
| where he goes to escape from his I'D
mirers.
When during a contagion one Of the
Twain houses was disinfected Mark
said that the fumigator was so strong
that 1t took all the brass of the door
knobs and all the tune out Of the pi
ano."
Mark Twain's latest book, in which
he skins King Leopold Of Belgium, il
probably the boldest attack eve made
on a crowned head, and it Is as right
eOus as it Is brave.
The browning act Of the career o.
this most famous Of American writer!
was in paying off the debts Of the pub
fishing firm Of Charles L. Webster &
Co. though not legally bound to do so
1t took him years of hard work in hi
old age, but finally every cent was met
The world had laughed with Mari
Twain before. 1t learned to love hin
then. J.. 4. EDGERTON.
Monkeys In Society.
So much attention Is being lavished OF
Il monkey which Is the new pet Of on,