davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Beaver herald. [volume] (Beaver, O.T. [Okla.]) 1895-1923, 1905-09-21
BIRDS seNsu OF HuHoR.
Man Of Experience Awards Palm to
Roast Duck.

81 was reading magazine article
the other d,y--Tm always reading
something" said the hardware mer-
chant. that had 1t that DR.. Kennedy
had discovered that birds have sense
of humor. One of his anecdotes was
to the effect that a robin was feeding
her young with earthworms, when a
crow, feigning lameness. appeared on
the edge of the nest with open mouth
and claimed a share of the meal. The
robin looked the intruder over, picked
up bit OF dead twig that resembled
a worm, and hastily thrust 1t into his
throat. The crow was so greedy that
he nearly choked to death before he
realized that he had been deceived. !
can easily believe that, but I've al
ways thought that the bird whose
sense of humor was most highly de
veloped was the duck. A roast duck
will have more fun with you in q
dumb, solemn kind Of way than any
thing that wears feathers. don't
except women or Indians.
I've taken carving lessons and |
know just where the joints of duck
ought to be, but they're never where
they ought to be; they're always
somewhere else. What's worse, they're
never located alike in any two ducks.
Again, If you have one duck you cam I
make it go around. and II you have
more than one there's too much. And
the way duck'll bound and spring off
from the knife and go under the table
with you, If you're not careful, is won
derful. A roast duck always seems to
say TO me-
You've got me where I can't do a
lot to you, but you'll be sorrier than
am, at that, before we're through with
| one another"
The Beaver herald. [volume] (Beaver, O.T. [Okla.]) 1895-1923, 1905-09-21
Butter and Oleo.

William Barclay Parsons, the engi-
neering expert, was talking in Phil
adelphia about the various food adul-
terations that from time, to time crop
up in the most unexpected places.
Before long" he said, laughing, "it
will be necessary to take literally the
butter story that used to pass for a
joke.
There was man in restaurant
who called a waiter to him and said I:
Waiter, look here. Isn't this a
cows hair in my butter?'
"The waiter took up the butter, ex-
amined the hair. and then replaced
the plate before his patron again with
a nod of satisfaction.
"'Yes, SIR he said, that's a genuine
cows hair. We always serve them
with our butter, sir. to show that II
amt oleo.'"
The Beaver herald. [volume] (Beaver, O.T. [Okla.]) 1895-1923, 1905-09-21
SOME FACTS ABOUT TIME.
According to the Poets, 1t is Hard to
Classify.

Classify.
Time is hard to define. According
to the best poets time has a heavy
foot, tooth, forelock and breakable
legs. 1t travels in divers PAGES; it
ambles, trots, gallops, runs, rolls and
stands still; ii has whips; It crops
roses. So far 1t seems like horse.
But it has a forefinger, also a reck-
less hand that writes wrinkles. This
explodes the horse theory.
Furthermore, time flies. Hence, "a
bird of time" Time is money; be-
ing also a bird time is a gold eagle.
perhaps; money is the root of all evil
and procrastination is the thief of
time. Therefore, procrastination is
Cd a chicken thief, CD a good thing.
The wickedness of time is beyond
question. 1t is vindictive. Il wasted
time" mourns King Richard, "and
now doth time waste me-" Time
waits for no man. Time shall throw a
dart at thee. Time robs us of our
joys Time will tell. Time is unthink-
ing. Time possesses it's debtors. The
time is out of Joint, and well may II
be, considering what a nuisance il is.
Time is sea, sandy beach, a
bank, shoal, and an abysm. Also II
is whirligig. which seems odd when
We recall that time is quiet as nun
Time is good. bad. high, fine, rough
hot, Christmas. spring, waltz, com
mon and lovely. Among good times
may be mentioned quitting time and
dinner time.-Newark News.
The Beaver herald. [volume] (Beaver, O.T. [Okla.]) 1895-1923, 1905-09-21
English Boy Climbs wetterhorn.

The ascent of the Wetterhorn from
Grindelwald by an English boy Of Ia
certainly constitutes a notable record
Probably the record at the other end
of life is held by the great Grindel-
wald guide, Christian Almer. who
celebrated his golden wedding in COM
pany with his family on the peak in
1886. The WetterhoFn was Almer's
owl, mountain. He was said never to
be happy ii he did not ascend it at
least once in season every year
since he took part as lad in Justice
Willis first ascent of the mountain
in 1854. and planted young fir tree
on the summit. Nowadays the Wet.
terhorn is lightly referred to as a
ladies mountain" but two terrible
disasters in one week, Of August
1902. showed that it is to be respect
cd
The Beaver herald. [volume] (Beaver, O.T. [Okla.]) 1895-1923, 1905-09-21
Test of Real Greatness

II anyone has doubted that Maxim
Corky, the Russian novelist and revo-
lutionist. is great man. the Goubt
must disappear after the news that
he has refused "fiatterlng offer" TO
make a lecture tour" of the United
States. Great men have often sue.
cumbed to this temptation, which, it
may be. in the outcome has damaged
neither their rectitude nor their
prestige. But this supreme test of
the great soul, this lofty contempt
of the American dollar, this willing
ness to leave unsated the curiosity of
book-buying public. should not pass
uEremarked. And we have been told
that Gorky is a realist!
The Beaver herald. [volume] (Beaver, O.T. [Okla.]) 1895-1923, 1905-09-21

Every housekeeper should know
that If they will buy Defiance Cold
Water Starch for laundry use they
will save not only time, because IL
never sticks to the iron, but because
each package contains 16 Ozone full
pound-while all other Cold Water
Starches are put up in q pound pack
ages, and the price is the same, 10
cents. Then again because Defiance
Starch is free from all injurious chem
icals. If your grocer tries to sell you
12oz. package 1t is because he has
a stock on hand which he wishes to
dispose of before he puts in Defiance.
He knows that Defiance Starch has
printed on every package in large let.
ters and figures 30 ozs." Demand De-
fiance and save much time and money
and the annoyance OF the iron stick
ing. Defiance never sticks.
The Beaver herald. [volume] (Beaver, O.T. [Okla.]) 1895-1923, 1905-09-21
Would Fight to a Finish.

A dispatch to the London Times
from st. Petersburg says that anoth-
like than the emperor's reply to the
Orenburg clergy, appears in the Off
cial messenger. The emperor, reply
ing TO an address from Kharbarso
heartily approves the recommends
tion TO continue the war until the
enemy is crushed and. above all, not
to think of cession of territory or pay.
ment of an indemnity.
The Beaver herald. [volume] (Beaver, O.T. [Okla.]) 1895-1923, 1905-09-21
Life Is Good.

The maiden. virgin-eyed, laughed low
and sweet.
Give me of love and joy my fill," she
sang,
"And Sorrow?' asked the angel pityingly.
II know her not" her merry laughter
rang.
The woman drank her cup and at the
lees
She faltered sore: "Ah, why SO bitter
cruel?'
The angel answered gently: "Nay, poor
heart,
Thou has not won thy sorrows price
less jewel"
The aged one sat dreaming at life's dusk,
''Loi ] have lived unto the end" she
said,
what thinkest now?" the kind voiced
angel asked,
Life has been good" she whispered
with bowed head.
Grace G. Bostwick In Broadway
The Beaver herald. [volume] (Beaver, O.T. [Okla.]) 1895-1923, 1905-09-21
.Mr. TcNMd!en 81

continue to suffer rather than submit
to examinations which so many physi-
clans propose in order to inteliigently
treat the disease and this is the rea-
son why SO many physicians fail to
cure female disease.
This is also the reason why thousands
upon thousands of women are corre-
spending with Mrs. Pinkham, at Lynn,
Mass. To her they can confide every
detail of their illness, and from
her great knowledge, obtained from
years of experience in treating female
ills, Mrs. Pinkham can advise women
more wisely than the local physician.
Read how Mrs. Pinkham helped Mrs.
T. G. Willadsen, of Manning, la. She
writes:
Dear Mrs. Pinkham:-
II can truly say that you have saved my
life, and l cannot express my gratitude in
words Before | wrote to you telling you
how felt, had doctored for over two years
steady, and spent lots of money in medicines
besides, but it all failed to do me any good.
had female trouble and would daily have faint
ing spells, backache, bearing down pains, and
my monthly periods were very irregular and
finally ceased. | wrote TO you for your ad-
vice and received letter full OF instructions
lust what 10 do, and also commenced to take
lydia L. Pinkham's Vegetable Compound,
and have been restored to perfect health.
Had it not been for you would have been In
my grave to-day
Mountains OF proof establish the fact
that no medlcine in the world equals
Lydia E. Pinkham's Vegetable Com
pound for restoring women's health.
The Beaver herald. [volume] (Beaver, O.T. [Okla.]) 1895-1923, 1905-09-21
Valdez. Alaska Moves

Floods from melting glacier which
threatened TO wipe the Alaska City OF
Valdez off the map, have led it's own
ers and hackers to move the place
bodily from its present location a dis
tance of three miles UP the bay to a
point directly opposite the United
States army barracks. With the
change in the geographical position
OF Valdez some projects connected
with the enterprise of town building
becomes simplified.
The Beaver herald. [volume] (Beaver, O.T. [Okla.]) 1895-1923, 1905-09-21
NO eLEEp FOR MOTHER
Baby Covered With Sores and Scales
Gould Not Tell What She
Looked Like--Msrvelous
Cure by cutlcura.

"At four months old my baby's face
and body were so covered with sores
and large scales you could not tell
what she looked like. No child ever
had worse case, Her face was being
eaten away, and even her finger nails
fell Off 1t itched so she could not
sleep, and for many weary lights we
could get no rest. At last we got
Cuticura Soap and Ointment The
sores began to heal at once, and she
could sleep at night, and in one month
she had not one sore on her face or
body.-Mrs. Mary Sanders, 709 Spring
St, Camden, N. j."
The Beaver herald. [volume] (Beaver, O.T. [Okla.]) 1895-1923, 1905-09-21

urinary disorders ran me down from
16s to 100 pounds. Doctors told me
had diabetes and could not live.
was wretched and hopeless when
began using Doan's Kidney Pills. but
they cured me eight years ago and
I've been well ever since"
Foster-Milburn Co., Buffalo, N. Y.
For sale b.- all dealers. Price, so
cents per box.
The Beaver herald. [volume] (Beaver, O.T. [Okla.]) 1895-1923, 1905-09-21
When Midas Had to Buy.

Midas had eaten just one meal
after having been given the golden
touch and he was suffering intensely,
for every article on the bill of fare
had turned to bright metal as 1t slid
down the royal esophagus. Dionysus
was laughing at him. why do you
Iaugh?" asked Mioas. This isn't fun
n.y." Maybe not" returned Dionysus
"bu. it's such bully chance to say
something about 'Sazlgested socuri
lies"
The Beaver herald. [volume] (Beaver, O.T. [Okla.]) 1895-1923, 1905-09-21
Directions on Handkerebiets.

The cotton handkerchiefs provided
for French soldiers have printed upon
them a number of sanitary precepts
to be observed on the march and dur
ing campaign, and are further deco
rated with pictures of officers of all
grades. so that French private can
tell at glance to what grade any
officer he may see belongs.
The Beaver herald. [volume] (Beaver, O.T. [Okla.]) 1895-1923, 1905-09-21
Hints to Houseworkers.

Nothing is more important TO the
Woodworking housekeeper than to
keep her liver properly working; 9TH
erwise, that pale, sallow look and tired
feeling will make her look and feel as
sick as dog. Nothing will keep you
up to the mark. without injurious
stimulation, so well as DR.. Caldwell's s
(laxative) Syrup Pepsin. II is pure
liver tonic-a cure for Constipation,
Biliousness and Indigestion. Sold by
all druggists at soc and sl00. Money
back IL IL fails.
The Beaver herald. [volume] (Beaver, O.T. [Okla.]) 1895-1923, 1905-09-21

To the housewife who has not yet
become acquainted with the new things
of everyday use in the market and
who is reasonably satisfied with the
old. we would suggest that trial of
Defiance Cold Water Starch be made
at once. Not alone because II is guar
anteed by the manufacturers to be su-
perior TO any other brand, but because
while all the other kinds contain but
~ ozs. 1t is safe to say that the lady
who once uses Defiance Starch will use
no other. Quality and quantity must
win.
The Beaver herald. [volume] (Beaver, O.T. [Okla.]) 1895-1923, 1905-09-21
Luminous shrimps.

Luminous shrimps have been dis.
covered by the Prince of Monaco in
the course of his deep sea fishing in
the Mediterranean. They live at n
depth of from 1100 to l,600 fathoms.
They are studded with small phos-
phorescent spots. These light their
way in the gloom of the deep waters.
The Beaver herald. [volume] (Beaver, O.T. [Okla.]) 1895-1923, 1905-09-21
Here is Relief for Woman.

Mother Gray, n nurse in New York,
discovered pleasant herb remedy for
women's ills, called AUSTRALIAN
LEAF. Cures female weaknesses, Back
ache, Kidney, Bladder and Urinary
troubles. At all Druggists or by mail
soc. Sample mailed FREE. Address,
The Mother Gray Co., Leroy, n. Y.
The Beaver herald. [volume] (Beaver, O.T. [Okla.]) 1895-1923, 1905-09-21

many years long
er. But twenty
years ago | had
kidney trouble SO
bad l could not
work. Backache
W as persistent
and II was agony
TO lift anything,
Gravel, whirling
headaches, dizzi-
ness and terrible
The Beaver herald. [volume] (Beaver, O.T. [Okla.]) 1895-1923, 1905-09-21
Return to Ancient Art.

An art critic prophesies that the
next movement in European art
which he thinks has exhausted the
possibilities OF realism-may take the
form of return to the principles
enunciated by the Chinese 1000 years
ago.
The Beaver herald. [volume] (Beaver, O.T. [Okla.]) 1895-1923, 1905-09-21

The ancients believed that kissing
pretty girl was a sure cure for head
ache. After all there's nothing like
the old fashioned remedies.
The Beaver herald. [volume] (Beaver, O.T. [Okla.]) 1895-1923, 1905-09-21

Among some hold.up men recently
in Chicago was one young teamster
who said he had always been honest
until the teamsters' strike
The Beaver herald. [volume] (Beaver, O.T. [Okla.]) 1895-1923, 1905-09-21

ID. o. Mills, the California Capitalist
who is financing the expedition to the
southern hemisphere from the Lick
observatory, is to furnish sufficient
funds to keep the astronomers at work
In Chile for five years.
The Beaver herald. [volume] (Beaver, O.T. [Okla.]) 1895-1923, 1905-09-21

$500 per NJ Lewis "Single Binder"
straight &c cigar, costs more than other
brands, but this price gives the dealer
fair proft-and the smoker a better cigar.
Lewis Factory, Peoria, Ill.
The Beaver herald. [volume] (Beaver, O.T. [Okla.]) 1895-1923, 1905-09-21

1t is strange how n mans duty ap-
pears so plain to you. and how he
looks right at II. and has such poor
eyesight he can't see &C.
The Beaver herald. [volume] (Beaver, O.T. [Okla.]) 1895-1923, 1905-09-21

A man never amounts to much un-
til some nice girl takes pity on him
and leads him to the matrimonial al
tar
The Beaver herald. [volume] (Beaver, O.T. [Okla.]) 1895-1923, 1905-09-21

Oh, well. If you are suffering from
unrequited love, take consolation in
the fact that years hence you will
think il a minor grief compared with
losing your teeth.
The Beaver herald. [volume] (Beaver, O.T. [Okla.]) 1895-1923, 1905-09-21

When a man thinks he is a genius
he allows his hair to grow long. and
when a woman thinks she has a mis-
sion she cuts her hair OF short.
The Beaver herald. [volume] (Beaver, O.T. [Okla.]) 1895-1923, 1905-09-21

am sure Piso's Cure for Consumption saved
my life three years ago.-MRs. THos. RoBBiNs,
Maple Street, Norwich, N. ", Feb IL. 1900.
The Beaver herald. [volume] (Beaver, O.T. [Okla.]) 1895-1923, 1905-09-21
TWENTY YEARS OF 1T.
Emaelated by Diabetes; Tortured
with Gravel and Kidney Pains.

Henry Soule. cobbler. of Ham
mondsport. N. V, says: "Since Doans
Kidney Pills cured me eight years
ago, I've reached 40 and hope to live
The Beaver herald. [volume] (Beaver, O.T. [Okla.]) 1895-1923, 1905-09-21

over one million acres of land In the
Cintah Indian reservation will be
thrown open for settlement August 2Sth.
Registration begins August lst. at Grand
Junction. Colorado, continuing till August
10. From Denver Colorado Springs or
Pueblo. the Colorado Midland is the short
est route to Grand Junction or reserva-
tion points. Write c. ii. Speers, @. p.
A.. Denver. for booklet, giving informa-
tion regarding land rates, etc.
The Beaver herald. [volume] (Beaver, O.T. [Okla.]) 1895-1923, 1905-09-21

Red Cross Ball Blue. Large s-oz. package I
cents. The Russ Company South bend. Ind
The Beaver herald. [volume] (Beaver, O.T. [Okla.]) 1895-1923, 1905-09-21

"Dyspepsia Tormented Me for Years. DIR.
David kennedy's Favorte Remedy cured me" Mrs. q.
g. Dougherty, Millve n. J, Used over 10 years t 90.
The Beaver herald. [volume] (Beaver, O.T. [Okla.]) 1895-1923, 1905-09-21

The stingiest person is generous to
his own shortcomings.
The Beaver herald. [volume] (Beaver, O.T. [Okla.]) 1895-1923, 1905-09-21

The summer girl is warm PROPOSE
ton.
The Beaver herald. [volume] (Beaver, O.T. [Okla.]) 1895-1923, 1905-09-21

When Answering Advertisements
Kindly Mention This Paper.
The Beaver herald. [volume] (Beaver, O.T. [Okla.]) 1895-1923, 1905-09-21
lmrortnnt 70 Mothers.

Too much watermelon will make
you feel seedy
The Beaver herald. [volume] (Beaver, O.T. [Okla.]) 1895-1923, 1905-09-21

w. N. U-Wichita-No. s2-1eo5
The Beaver herald. [volume] (Beaver, O.T. [Okla.]) 1895-1923, 1905-09-21

Makes light of things-the man in
the moon.
The Beaver herald. [volume] (Beaver, O.T. [Okla.]) 1895-1923, 1905-09-21
A W0MAN'S ORDEAL
BREADS D0cT0R'S QUESTIONS
Thousands Write to Mrs Pinkham, Lynn,
Mass, and Receive Valuable Advice
Absolutely Confidential and Free

There can be no more terrible ordeal
to delicate, sensitive, refined woman
than to be obliged to answer certain
questions in regard to her private ills,
even when those questions are asked
by her family physician, and many
The Beaver herald. [volume] (Beaver, O.T. [Okla.]) 1895-1923, 1905-09-21

Cutlcura eoap combines deliraie medicinal and emCi-
nsnt properfies derived Cucura, the freaf hkin
Cure with the purest o cleansing ingredients aud me
nost u odors Two soaps In At one
price namely, q Medicinal and Toilet soap for soc
Potter Drug Chem. Corp, Sole Props bosion, =.
Mailed Tree. "Iiow 10 Preserve furfy and besuuy'
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1905-01-22

alton. All OF which goes to SHOW that a
banquet may be better than a bullet
Michael Fitzgerald was the cornmancinsr
otficer and the only officer of the AFneri-
can garrison at San Juan. General Nc
DoWell at San Francisco was afraid be-
cause of Fitzgerald S name that he would
nave hereditary feelings against the Brit
Ssh and might Involve the country in
trouble Above all things. Lieutenant
Fitzgerald. said the general observe
the rules. % International courtesy.
IN do that. general answered Fitz-
gerald promptly.
The English officers. for there were sew
eral OF them at the British garrison.
asked Fitzgerald over &c dine. They
dion have much 10 offer him. for there
WASH much in the country.
Fitzgerald waited two months before he
invited the Britfshers over to mess In
the meantime boat had gone 10 san
Francisco and had returned. Fitzgerald
had only enc company Of soldiers. but he
improvised band TO play at she banquet
He had man behind every officer $
chair The table was covered with cut
glass and silver. There were deliCacies
and substantials Of ali kinds. and the
wine was like unto that of which Horace
sang.
Veracious history hath it that the
feed" cost SO a plate. The bill for the
things was s., 400. A month after the ban
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1905-01-22

six large potatoes; boil in saIted water
Until just tender, but unbroken- Cut
four ounces OF very fat bacon into
dice, and slowly fry it out without
browning. Skim ont the bacon, add
a tablespoonful of finely chopped
onion and cook for a moment longer:
then add three tablespoonfuls Of vine
gar and d dash of pepper. and draw
TO one side. Mix the drained potato
and erisped bacon. pour over the
dressing and turn into a hot dish.
Sausage meat made into tiny balls and
fried brown is often used as a garnish
for this salad.
Break soda or any unsweetened
variety of crackers in medium sized
pieces. Have ready some grated
cheese. a shallow buttered baking
dish and about a tablespoonful of but
ter cut in bits. Fill the dish with al
ternate layers of the crackers, cheese.
salt and pepper, and a few bits of the
butter. The amount of cheese used is
proportioned to the family taste-much
or little, as preferred. Pour in cold
milk until ii can be seen through the
top layer. cover and bake i'm a mode
rate oven for about forty minutes. I'M
covering when half done
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1905-01-22

Mr.. G. H Farmer, New MartinsviHe.
w. Va, writes:
Our little son. Harry. is well and
healthy now and we think If we do as
you directed US he will keep his health
and grow strong.
Eve know that cur little sons life
was saved by your wonderful medi-
cine, Peruna, and we shall always
praise Peruna and use it in our fam
lily when needed.
Should we have any more catarrhal
trouble in our family. we shall always
write to you for treatment.-G. H.
Farmer
Mr.. Howard Andrew Sterner. Muddy
Creek. Pa. writes:
Il have Peruna in my house all the
time and won't be without it. 1t is good
for children when they take a cold or
Group II cured my baby boy of
Group.
I have introduced Peruna into six
families since ! received your last let
ter. and four hive seen relief already. -
Howard Andrew Sterner.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1905-01-22
By Margaret f. SongSter.

the sake of her breeziness and sweet
ness and the fun she brings, we must
take her as she is. I do hope that
the fashion OF bringing up girls TO
be neat viii one of these days come
back"
1 wonder if girls who are something
like Mary ever stop in their progress
through the world 20 reflect that. while
everybody likes a zephyr, few people
can tolerate a cyclone. Just a lit
tie thought a little time and a little
consideration for others often makes
the difference between an agreea BILE
guest and the reverse.
II you are going on a visit, the first
thing OF which you have to think is
Whether or not you are to take a
trunk If the visit is 10 extend over
week or more, Il is well TO be pro-
Vided with clothes for every emergen-
cy, and these cannot be so easily
packed into a suit case as into the
larger compass of a small-sized or
steamer trunk. If girl is invited
either by herself or as one of a house
party there Will presumably be occa-
Slons when she will require a pretty
evening dress, and when she should
De properly gOwned for a luncheon
or an afternoon tea. Her travelling
dress Will meet the requirements of
walking, driving. skating or going
about in street cars, if il be short and
smart. without elaborate trimming It
L.
send trunk by express the day be-
fore one goes. thus insuring its ar
rival on the same day with its owner
This cannot be depended upon as GER
tain in times of crowded summer trav-
el. or in winter. when storms and drifts
may delay trains.
A visitor should arrive promptly at
the hour which has been fixed once
in the house of her friend she should
unobtrusively famiIiarize herself with
the ordinary ways of the house. Every
home has its little peculiarities which
belong TO itself. a young girl should
not neglect the older people whom she
hnds in a family, and she should be
careful not to interrupt conversation.
nor monopolize it, nor take the lead
when older people are present. All this
should so without saying in the case of
well-bred young girls, yet they some
times need a word OF caution
For instance, if you have been spend-
ing the evening out and come in late.
1t is thoughtful for you to go quietly
to your room. not chatting loudly or
laughing on the stairs and disturbing
the rest Of those at home who are al
ready in bed. Another good point for
the visiting girl is TO be pleased with
everything that is done for her and not
% be afraid to express her. thanks.