Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1905-06-24
STUPID Recruit of a Spy.

spring of 1862, tall, lank, green-loOk-
ing man entered one of the camps OF
the confederate general. Johnston, at
Nashville, Tenn, and said he would
like to join the regiment says the
Cincinnati Enquirer. He was turned
over to a drill sergeant with instruc-
lions to try to make a soldier out OF
him.
The confederates were never con-
spicuous for soldierly appearance; in
deed, they were best noted as fighters.
Yet. Notwithstanding the want of at
tention to the army regulations, the
recruit at once became noted for be-
ing the most unsoldierly man among
them. The bump of discipline seemed
to be a hollow IN his head. He was
constantly wandering from his COM
mand and spending long terms in the
guardhouse for doing SO. Though the
sergeant spent hours drilling him. the
recruit could never learn the differ
ence between carry" and shoulder"
arms. At least, if he did he was sure
to forget it the next day. On post he
was continually making plumbers. He
was the butt of his regiment and the
subject for innumerabIe tricks.
One morning he appeared at his
.colonel's tent and told him that he had
been appointed spokesman for the en-
listed men of his regiment to say that
they desired to be led at once against
the enemy The colonel looked at the
man, astonished, then quietly wrote
a note, gave it to him and told him to
take it to the regimental surgeon. The
surgeon, after reading it. examined
the bearer for his sanity but sent him
back with a paper stating that he was
perfectly sane. though stupid.
The recruit next appeared at gen
eral headquarters and reported for
orderly" 1t was never known wheth-
-er this was by mistake or for a joke,
but the adjutant who made the detail
was sent back to his company for do
ing so. The recruit attracted the at
tention of the staff for his awkward
ness and when the generals tent was
vacant Numbered into it and was
caught reading the generals papers.
He was sent back to his colonel under
guard, with a report of his conduct,
whereupon the cononel. after consider
ing the propriety of ordering him be-
fore a court-martial, decided to recon-
mend his discharge on the ground
that it would be for the good of the
service. But, the confederacy at that
powder food, the general command
ing declined to grant the discharge on
the ground that if the man was a fool
where the army might get rid of him
to purpose.
One night when the recruit was on
outpost duty, a shot was heard COM
ing from where he was stationed, and
he came running in, crying: THE
Yanks air COMMIT The Yanks air
commit" The long roll was beaten
and the command turned out, forming
in line of battle. But no enemy came
After waiting the attack for some
time. skirmishers were thrown out
and found the body of the major who
had been officer of the day visiting
the pickets. He had been shot
through the head The men were sent
back to their tents and the recruit
was sent up under guard to the gen
-eral. After considerable questioning
the general sent him back to his regi-
ment under care of an aid. The colo
mel was directed either to have the
stupid ass shot by mistake" or con-
nive at his desertion.
The colonel chose the latter course
He called the recruit into his tent and
told MIN ne mad decided to have him
shot at sunrise next morning. Then he
sent him to his regiment with orders
to his colonel to place him where he
could escape during the night
That was the last seen of the stu
pid recruit in that army. When the
sun rose in the morning he was far
away. The officer of the dayareported
the escape to the colonel, who re-
ceived it with great satisfaction and
at once reported it to the general
who was delighted at the wise course
he had pursued. He sent back a con-
graduation on getting rid of a man
so stupid that he didn't know a friend
from a foe But the officer most re-
lieved was the captain of the COM
pany to which the recruit belonged.
Early in April of that year the bat
tie of Shiloh was fought, and among
the prisoners taken by the Union
forces was this very captain. One of
the men who marched him in stepped
up alongside of him and said:
Cap, yo' don't remember me-
Great heavensi the stupid recruit. 4"
Not so stupid as yo' all supposed.