Daily press. [volume] (Newport News, Va.) 1896-current, 1905-08-27

fun fer the balance Of the people.
sometimes it is Il man who can
always tell jimmy joke, or who is al.
ways playin' clinical tricks on some
body; or maybe its fellcr that can't
heIl II who shutters, or is so alfred
green an simple as ter be always
gittin a laugh on hiSsclf
know you've seen that last ilnd
they are forever an evcrlastin'lv I'll.
TN hold OF the wrong end Of things
an If thar is nineteen ways of doing
it right an one wrong way, they'll
sartainly git TINT wrong way they
jest can't help ii.
Pcrfesser was one of that kind. nj
ways Ill hot water, always gittin' n
laugh on his-solf, OF course, not iutcn-
tionally
Nobody didn't just know how the
Perfcsscr come ter pin"yvillc: he sor
ter dropped here. SO ter sneak; fer
one AFTERNOON he walked inter the
boardin' ls1usc of Widow ScrupSs. an
asked fer lodgin, an thar he has been
ever Scncp.
lie was a tan, thin, age-a-blc sort
OF man with a little stoop about the
shoulders; grayish wniskers frngcd a
mighty good-naturcd face, an long
hair, IL little cilrlcd III ut the ends
tel IN hts coat collier
lie always wore IL long tail black
coat, trousers a little too long fer
him, an a black beaver hat a size too
big. which caused il to sortCr rest on
his ears an slant upwards from the
back; he mostly carried n stick, wore
specs an was a little nigh sighted
During all the time he had been in
our place he didn't change ono bit
was the same man arter five years
as the day he iust sot foot i'm Pncy.
vile.
lie was chock full of booll-larnin
SO when our teacher give mp the
school, lie jest naturally drappcd al that
place. an everybody appeared ter he
satisfied with the way lie managed it,
tEe could tell you The names of all
the stars you could sec on Il summc.
night, what kind of rock it. was that
you flung at the dog, an timr wasn't
bug that bnzzcd, but what he could
tell you its name, whar il como from.
an how it made it's Twin
He was always Il walkin about the
woods an fields or on the shore. look
IN Fer curious things, he had little
room filed up with them, an he
wouldn't let anybody so in thar. which
was no manner of use fer his objectin
Ter nobody wanted ter go in it,
lie was monstrous popular, every
body liked him an would have missed
him Of he had gone away, hut allowin
all that he WAS constantly iindin
/. trouhle, an giitin' the laugh on him.
~
One time ole Tom Johnson had the
rheumatics awful, Jest could hobblc
aroun', an sometimes Couldn't do that;
he had had the doctors workin' on
him. l,nt they didn't drive ii away,
then he had tried everything he ever
heard would do any good; somebody
told him. that eff he'd rit new Or-
nets nest. an soak ii in hot vinegar
an spread it wlrar the pain was, that
it would sartainly cure him.
Hc bargaincd with ole uncle Dab.
ney fer ter git him one as soon as
posserblc; MS twas long about the
middle of September, an quite warm,
the hornets hadn't gone inter winter
quarters, so Dahncy had ter be care
full; bN he found Il nest, an went on;
one night an plugged up the hole olc
man Johnson hadn't said anything
about the hornets. so Dabney thought
= ho.d ,IOtch" the whole business
It was about the miilille OF the ar
ternoOn when ole Dnbncy, warm, dusty
an dry, come in with the nest. when
he got near Bob Nixon's store, he
thought he'd go in an wet up, not
wanting ter take the nest in thar, he
sot il down in the lot Il little way from
the sidewalk, not fur from the store
nor from whar some boys was Il play
in ball.
lest about the time ole Dabncy
stepped in the store. along comes the
Pcrfcsser, saw the nest an tho boys
playin Il Ito dcclar" SCI ne. 'th2
boys has lost thar ball, used ter btf
kicker myself. I'll jest Kick il back
ter them" He drawed back his Root.
he did, an pink it went right inter
the nest an tho hornets Jest swarmcd
out mad as fire. blicvc Il hornet an
humble bee is always MADAM made
fer him: he lalowel right straight
then an thar, that he had made Il mis-
take an thar wasn't any time fer
corlectn' it. an thirtly-as the par
son: says--hc'd better move from thar,
fer while presence of mind might do
mighty we'll in some cases, on this
pcrickilar occasion, absence Of body
was tho best policy. an the way he
lit out down the street, would have
beaten the best foOtracc PIHeyviIlc
ever saw; he throwed his stick away
an had his hat In one hand an his
big handann handkerchief in the other,
wavn' at the insects, an his coat
tail piniing right straight up the
street, Jest about the time this was
goin' on. the boys Knocked their base
ball near tic nest. an it broke up tho
game fer the day, fer the hornets lii
onto ii like they had an idcar il was
a'.littlc nest an tried ter git inside.
Ole DabncY come out the store wip.
in his mouth. an not notcin tina:
l. 4I,1