The Bon Homme County independent. [volume] (Tabor, S.D.) 1904-1913, 1905-08-17
AMATEUR sMUGGLER

fresh a. the daisies by the roadside.
Hello. BILL" said the sandy-complex-
toned person In the back seat. when aid
you ret back TO this neck o. the woodsI
Last I heard OF you. you'd. gone abroad
with your wife TO see the sights OF the old
country"
"oh. I've been back a month"; respond.
ed the cumbersome gent But my better
half 10 stiil across the pond with her kin
folks"
Right here n should be known that the
tall, cumbersome gentleman In of.the idea
type-at least. he has that reputation. Tc
be sure. he smokes occasionally. but he
looks not upon the wine when 10 10 red. n
on Sunday he teacehs Sunday school out
K~ensington way. In other words. he In one
Of those s~crupulous persons who walks the
straight and narrow like an amateuf
walks q tishtroyc HD married n clever
little lady Of The mischevious SORT. and
that is the cause Of this pitiful tale.
Have q good tripY'' asked the sandy
person In an effort TO maintain the con-
~versation
Zine, nne." replied the man with the
~scruples. except that the wife worked
ono OF her rude and rasping jokes on me
when I came home. and as n result my
conscience will worry me for the rest OF
my days. These women folks seem TO
have n mania for smuggling goods through
the custom houses. and l blush to admit
hat my wife II not an exception. Well.
sir: when I received n cablegrsm from
my boss 10 hurry home at once on import
ant business u was decided 1 would have
to come home alone. The day before ]
was to sail my wife blew into our apart
mcnt at tho hotel with an armful or
truck which she calmly announced she
was going TO put In my trunk.
when she ~unwrappcd the stun l saw
iaces and gloves and peekaboo apparel
until you would have thought she was
travelling agent for a ladies' furnishing
house.
DC you expect me to lug that line OF
goods TO America with me. / asked.
Certainly she said.
But the duty will amount 20 so much
said /, while n you bring the stun over
you can get Il I'm free as wearing apparel.
That II just why I.want o to take
t. replied my wife. You can smuggis
this In. and then when l come i can bring
some more
well. cir. when tina word 'smuggIe'
reached me I nearly passed away. I'll do
almost anything but lie and steal. and 10
my way OF thinking, smuggling II a little
Of both.
"'smuggle ., In I gasped. Why Cath
crime. what do you meanT
- mean smuggie Il In retorted that
wife OF mine. Just put some OF IL here
and some OF Il there where tho customs Of
hcers ont look for a.: tip the Inspector
q s. note, and you'l squeeze Il through all
right
"Tha next ten minute was devoted to
one OF the red hottest curtain lectures
you ever read about. I handed her enough
good husbandly advice about honesty and
truthfulncss TO oil eight books. and when
I finished I thought l had put her on the
quiet. She whimpercd a bit and said some
thing about my being cranky and rude
and mean, and then she went OF TO bed.
at took me an hour 60 squar myself,
but sk.N promised 20 never mention SNUG
gic TO mo again. She acknowledged IL was
wrong 10 smuggie. and the family hotill-
ties were dispensed with. Bright and ear
~ tho next day l set out to give the part
Ing and 10 n few London friends n
when I returned home i found my sara
toga packed and ready for shipment. l
thanked the little lady ard we made
tracks for the boat. The adleus were the
real thing. and all tho W. over 10 this
side OF the briny / was chcriShing the
thought that 1 had the dearest. sweetest
and withal the most reasonable hclpmeet
that ever Joined han with n mucker Ike
yours truly.
AS we how to OF New York ] was
handed a telegram from my boss-noi my
WIG. uNNuN EAANA1s NV " sen e
me my w~eekiy-sayinE rs must hottoot
TO Chicago without even giving my squint-
ers n treat 10 glimpse at the Bowery. So
mo for the train. and my trunk was
stacked UP In front OF the door NJ our
comfy bunk house near Chevy Chase
lake.
I'm the course OF two weeks l pulled
STAGES In the west and stecrcd for home.
Everybody was ticklcd foolish TO see me.
g,.I,,Nla. Non sh. AnR and NlEgtn- The
cat. The trunk was there. and as my lin
en- was all TO the bad. l pricd open tho
ia. There, staring mo In the face. was n
note IN n dainty blue envelope addressed
10 Walter, dearest Talk about your
mushy supcrlativcs and saccharine moth
ings. the first page was 10 full OF them
that the standing room only sign should
have been displayed. But the second page
Its a sin and n shame TO discuss IL, ana
wouldn't tell you about Il II you weren't
a pretty good friend OF mine.
Turning over the new leaf. tho cplstle
rambicd something like this: Now. Wal
ter, my love. unpack your runk carefully.
When you come TO your tuxedo coat. look
In tho inside pocket and take out n pair OF
long hid gloves. In the outside pocket OF
your tuxedo you will find two more pairs
OF gloves, while stitched inside the lining
OF your brown silk smoking Jacket you
will encounter a few yards Of Irish point
lace
what do you ,hInk OF that?" demanded
the tall. cumbersome lad, showing his
rage. And that wasn't all. BY n Ions
shot. I found eighteen other varitics OF
ladies' wearing apparel In that trunk, and
capped the climax by uncovering n small
pearl necklace that I had never cast my
saulnters on before. AZ tho end or the
doleful note that sweet and demure wife
OF mlno said. That IL about all ! can re-
member. Walter. but examine everything
carefully, my darling. because you might
run across something else. You are such
n dear. sweet husband. and as an amateur
smuggIer you can't be beat
The saady-complcxioncd person sup
pressed a smile but the rest OF the com
mutcrS in the back seat gave the blue
eyed lad the merry la! ha!
And now. gentlemen" resumed tbs
amateur smugsler. II want your advice as
90 the better manner In which can chas'
tisc that better half OF mine when she
shows up on the premlscs.'
Tue commuters shifted uneasily IN their
seats. but there were no volunteers.
Change cars for Georgetown and ths
Avenue. bawlcd the conductor. and thd
farmers wcnded their respective ways
with n feeling Of pity for the lad With tha
big blue eyes.
King Corn Velvet.
paper made from corn stalks at one