The citizen-Republican. (Scotland, Bon Homme County, S.D.) 1???-19??, 1905-06-22
CURE FOR DYSPEPSIA.

- mention beans to him ~
20 number OF wears n.st 4.,-
~ robust and fine looking elderly
ana as zen prescribing for himself.
ny permitting-nay, asktnr-an,'
him. prescribe tor
eua aneIs are few known malaa,es nof
49, excepting housemaid,s ina 80
rra nn1na plague, with which he has not
or so-to listen TO him. aoAeA years
ara ~ tnese maladies has ever on
Zee 70 prevent him from goine o 4
as.lhe lunch hour and ~parfaEinp as
a enies nam sandwiches, four Chocolate
1913, slab Of sweet potato pie and
.eups OF coffee, as a little rejection
NJ ~ nm a'going until the arrival
MI e :, inner hour; but he has had 'em
.na on ene same. He says so himself.
ror years past he has haan ta;i;nr
ms fellow clerks that ,f he s,,nfiii4; ).
.aken or suddenly, as he %confdentIy
sApected to be almost any old mute
~ Aau ms affairs fixed all right with
sne puildlng association and other he
attached. nc was
He has fallen for gallons of all the
patent medicines known to the world
AZ large through the advertising pages.
anu TOT many Of them such insignif-
cdnce tnat they don't advertise.
livery summer, for years past, he has
sohe up TO the Blue Ridge for his n
.,uas ieave, taking with him a trunk
s.uiieu WIN patent remedies that he
Ia saved up for one grand time. Ha
SPENDS his month Inserting these sure
thlng cures into his system, and. such
IS tne amazing power OF physical re-
slstence OF the man, he comes back to
ms desk every time swearing that, for
!ne nrst time in years, he feels like q
four-time winner.
About W weeks ago he received. by
one OF the Manila transports, a large
round box containing about a quart
n a half of queer, very dark looking
ooJects that resembled Lima beans
very much reduced in size. They had
peen shipped to him by an old fellow
Clerk OF the war department who is
now serving down in the Philippines.
On the lid Of the round box was a big
paster in Spanish. Accompanying the
box was a letter from the sender.
Dear Jim" the letter ran, in es-
sence, Tn sending you, by the trans
port, a swell dyspepsia remedy that
I've run onto down here. The pills have
been known to the friars for three
hundred years, and they're made ac-
cording to a recipe which Is a. secret OF
the friars. They're the greatest stom-
ach regulator that ever happened. ]
had all kinds and colors Of stomach
trouble when I first came down here,
trying to get used to the climate and
the things to eat, but when I raj across
these pills I was cured quicker than
you could say Jack Robinson. I re-
member how your stomach has been
bothering you all these years, and that
Is why I'm sending you a box Of them
All you need is one a day. Just take
it with a sip of water just before go
ing out for your lunch. Don't let the
pill dissolve in your mouth, as it has
a bitter taste that way-just swallow
it whole. If this cure don't make a new
man Of you I'll be fercly mistaken"
The rugged hypochondriac was more
pleased over the receipt of that box
Of Philippine pills than over anything
that has happened to him for a Ions
time. He showed them around the of
flee, and the letter accompanying them
and asked if it wasn't COMPOUNDED
thoughtful and good hearted on the
part of the old chap down in the Phil.
1ppnes to've remembered him in thar
way.
he swallowed one Of the queer dar,
looking things before going out tc
lunch on the very day the box arrived
and before half past four o'clock thai
afternoon he vowed and declared thai
he was beginning to feel better al.
ready.
He took one Of them a day with re.
ligious promptitude, just before the
lunch hour, and every day he told his
fellow clerks that if his improvement
continued as rapidly as it had begun
he'd be challenging Jim Jeffries before
the arrival of the first Of May.
One day last week a bronzed young
lieutenant, just back from the Philip
pines, came swinging into the robus
hypochondriac's office. The man O.
many ailments was on chulnmy term:
with the lieutenant, having done tn
young fellow a lot Of little faVors IL
connection with his commission ant
assigning him.
At guess that's a bad dyspepsia rem
edv those friar fellows down in thu
Philippines have for dyspepsia?' sait
the division chief to the young lleuten'
ant, exultantly. Never saw anything
like those pills in my life-they'Ve alb
solutely fixed me to whip my weight II
wildcats inside of the week or ten days
that I've been using EN-. Amazing
things, l call EN-
"A remedy of the friars for dyspep'
sia, eh?" said the young Lieutenant
odd things 1 heard of that. anf
the dyspepsia had me pretty bad dow
,ronder for a While, too. Let's see thu
things" ~
The rugged hy~pochondriac pullet
omen a drawer of his desk and drew on
the cherished box of pills. The lieu
tenant looked at them only one-elghtt
oF a second. and then he gave his thigh
q slap and fell back with a roar.
"Whv, man. he bawled, those th1ng
are nothing but friioles.'
All of the other clerks, Laughing
gathered around. -, =;
"Friioles. nothing" groWled the al
vision chief with so many Things allint
him. stop your foolinE. Iheyfs
medicine, and they've aoSolu'eis "Ne'
me up for life
wen, they're the best things to ca
t., he way of beans that V seer
sinco 7 left the islands-gee, put
~rnuldn't mind having a mess OF en-
rT;oht now!" said the lieutenant.
''snsav look a-here, kid said the 70
n,rt hvnochondriac to the young lieu
.anant quit this nonsense. II yol
swallow four OF those things at once
such is their stimulating ellec'' Sou
be put out of business; o ct,
oe Want me to prove that they're tI,1'
o,oso" ;nouired the lieutenant, contain
to himself with an effort:
ing sYou can't do it," sulkily replied IN
Wv The lieutenant sent out for a sauce.
on re half filed the saucepan WIZ
water. set the pan on a small gas s,oE :,
used by one of the women o vutlNT nai,