The citizen. (Frederick City, Md.) 1895-1923, 1905-10-20

him and let him retire gracefully to his
country seat AS leader he had made
a miserable failure. As politician he
was rs dangerous to his friends as to
his enemies. He was fusSy. i'll bal
anced, growing deaf, and the desire
was to get rid of him without hurting
his feelings. Perhaps a lord should
know when movement of that sort
Is on foot and appreciate its worth and
do the retiring act in Il graceful man
ner, but having carried the British gov
ernment on his shoulders for the past
ten years and fearing some great ca
lamity If he laid down his burden, Lord
X. was no sooner appointed first lord
than he took his place and gave the
second lord to understand that he in
tended to run things
Confusion and CONSERVATION arose Mt
once. Lord *. was no more fitted for
the position than the humblest work
man IN England, but who was going
to bell the cat and tell him so? He was
sure to make blunders and mix things
up, and just at that time the govern
ment wanted particularly to have
things working smoothly. Some one
higher up" was finally found to give
Lord X. a hint that he wasn't expected
to NEEDLE with things at headquarters,
and the less he said for publication as
first lord the better for himself and
the government.
"Egad, but l have been appointed
first lord, and first lord l will ber
was his reply. Il was appointed be-
cause l appeared to be the only man
In the country who could conduct that
department properly and / do not in
tend to disappoint my friends or the
government. shall be at my desk p
same as any clerk"
Here was an unprecedented state of
affairs, and many consultations were
held. Even royalty was appealed to-
1t was admitted on all sides that the
first lord would have to step out, but
it was also admitted that he was fool
enough to raise row if any more
broad hints were given him.
In this emergency an outsider was
summoned. He was not only an out
slider so far as oificialdom was con-
cerned. but outside of politics alto
gether, and not hundred people in
England knew him by sight. He was
asked to do what the queen had said
she saw no way Of doing herself. He
waited one week to see If Lord X.
would not fall out of a cab and break
his neck, and then he began work.
There being no official room or Off
cial desk or official messenger or off,
cial anything else for the first lord, he
had taken possession of the second
lords quarters and was working to
save England and her colonies to pos
terity when a messenger arrived with
an important document. The messen-
ger had come from France In all haste.
The document was so important that
1t was sealed in four places and tied
with the reddest Of red tape, and the
second lord, who carried 1t to the first
lord, looked sawed and handled the big
envelope with reverence. 1t was doc
uAlNhe hOi W pG VlINliCu utllll LILO IlfIcC
lords should be seated together In coun-
Gil, and 1t sc, happened that the third
lord had gone fishing or somewhere
else that day. The first lord would be
the custodian Of the package for the
day. 1t was left in his hands, and as
he swelled with pride ana dignity he
put paperweight on it and went out
to lunch.
Five minutes after his return. an
hour and half later, all England be-
gan. to tremble. In five more che was
persplring and feeling her knees wab-
bic The paperweight was still there,
but the important document from
France was missing. Lerd X. grew
red and grew pale He grew, weak
and he grew strong He shouted at the
top Of his voice and he spokein whis-
pers. The document could not be
found.
When he had been reduced to a prop
er frame Of mind he was told by the
second lord that be had been criminal
ly careless; that while he sat and ate
some spy of some foreign government
had walked into the open Office and
swped document that might cost