davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1905-10-08

for the temporary time it was TO be so
occupied. His seat was in the front of
the church, just under the pulpit. The
young priest got fairly we'll through the
service, and at the proper time essayed
the sermon. He commenced by saying,
nervously: MY hearers, / will preach
this morning on the text, And He fed
five men with five thousand loaves and
five thousand fishes, whereupon Mr..
Murphy said, in an audible whisper:
Faith, and / could do that meself;
that's not hard The young priest ap-
parently paid no attention to the re-
mark, and proceeded with no further
interruption to the end. 1t so hap
pened that on the following Sabbath
the regular pastor being still unable to
attend. the young priest was again
called upon to conduct the services. At
the sermon time he announced that he
would address the congregation on the
same text, namely, And He fed five
thousand men on five loaves and five
fishes after which he leaned over and
whispered to Mr.. Murphy, Gould you do
that now?" Mr.. Murphy, with great
dignity, replied. Faith. and / could. :.
How could your asked the priest
Faith said Mr.. Murphy, 81 would
have enough loaves and fishes left over
from last Sunday 10 do il with"
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1905-10-08
Conditions Of the Offer.

To Of
Eight
sunday who with
OF "eknown
nj - - -
Each week
Sunday Times will
be
week
publish Of
submitted both
desirable
n story be given
Make stories story
hundred
limit will d a in awarding
only,
one OF VI shee
the
the
envelope separatey
returned
Address Washing Sunday Times
be made
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1905-10-08

"A horse IS never so majestic as wh.n
with erected head and tail he Frances in
the field and the more completely we re-
move him from this condition the more
we detract from his beauty of form and
action If horsemen would consult this
im lrnos and beautificatson Of the
equine panorama as seen on our
streets
One thing that seems TO have par
ticularly impressed Mr.. Leon in Hol-
land and Denmark and the Scandina-
Wan peninsula is the abolition Of the
nose bag. "Of course" he says, at Is
than for him not TO eat at all. but after
all ii isn't so very much better
s.c At The Hague. Copenhagen, and
riage stands they had a number e
troughs on trestles IN which were kept
fresh mown grass. or hay with grain.
to the objection Of unsightliness, that
1t would clutter up the streets. But
even II IL did. is an occasional trough
as offensive 20 the eye as an ernaeiated
horse? The nose bag is a poor subst.-
tute, and in Berlin. where they use
them exclusively, the cab horses are
are even worse than our Washington
cab horsesi The trough is so much
better and II could easily be adopted
at all the regular carriage stands
When you think of the things that We
allow 10 litter our streets-the fruit
stands and the news stands the over
IoH u our grocer shops and markets,
the blocking of both streets and side
walks by the display of auction wares
for the bi and tri-weekly auctions
surely few troughs for the feeding OF
those overworked public servants. the
cap horses. ought not to be matter OF
And in Holland each driver carries
under the seat Of his carriage an i'm
mense pone of black bread. from which
he cuts slices and feeds his horse by
hand Il is not unpalatable. and a man
might eat IL in an emergency. AS for
the horse. he eats ii as eagerly as our
horses do humps of sugar This baked
horse bread is included In the rations
OF all the horses. and the preparation of
II forms a considerable part Of the bak-
ing industry.
''On the whole. you see. there seems
to be much more general kindness TO
the dumb animals there than here To
some extent, IL may be. the laws require
it. To some extent, doubtless. the own
ers realize that II Is better economy to
keep their horses in condition; that they
are going 10 get more out of them But
II also seems TO be genuine good feeling
20 great extent"
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1905-10-08

In ST Petersburg and Moscow, al
though IL was the summer season when
most of the world OF fashion was away
from home. we saw many fine equipages
on the street. The Russian mode of har-
Messing horses with a high yoke over
the shoulders, the ends of which are
rigidlv attached. appears at first sight
clumsy, but no more careful considera-
ton IL has certain advantages.
"The check rein or overdraw is never
used. the bride mas no blinds, the bit
is plain snaffie. 10 crupper is per-
mitted no traces are used A leathern
strap, or a hempen or wire rope, IL Sc
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1905-10-08
Sure to Have the Funeral.
BY JOSEPH r. GLOVER, Forest
GleE, I'D
(Awarded a prize Of ss.)

awarded prize Of 3d.
A very prominent minister tells the
following story.
One morning while visiting in Rich
mond overheard the following CONVEX
sation between my hostess and the cook.
Please. Mis- Gawdon. may 1 git OFF
mex Sunday 10 go to the funral Of a
friend of mine?'
Next Sunday2 Why Eliza, this IS
only Monday, They wouldn't put fun
eral off for a week
'Yas'm,' respectfully; but they has
to, caus he amt dead yit.'
Not dead, am positively ashamed
OF you How can you be so heartless
as to arrange TO attend the funeral of
a man who is still living? Why, he may
not die at ALL
'Yas'm, but he Will; dey amt no
hope
1t is impossible. Eliza; the best doc
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1905-10-08
Not the Right Ticket.
ny s. tn. wEsTDAL, 500 Fourteenth
Street Northeast.
awarded a prize OF 81


A family in the fashionable section at
tempted to solve the servant problem by
employing a Chinaman. and the lady of
the house and her daughter Immediately
set about teaching him TO answer the
doorbell, and admit visitors. The daugh-
ter would go out, ring the belr and
hand her card to John. who scrutinized
1t very carefully, and, upon instruction
from the lady of the house. would then
admit the visitor. This was repeated un-
I'll John was considered an expert, and
he was left to himself. A day or two
later, his skill was put to a test.
fashionable carriage stopped before the
house. and two ladies approached the
door and rang. John promptly respond
ed and was handed a card. The conster-
nation of his employers (who were
watching the proceedings from a place
of concealmenD may be imagined. when
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1905-10-08

cured to the extreme end OF the axle
outside the hub, and the forward end
OF this is fastened to the outside of the
shaft. This rope or strap is always held
rigid and taut and the pull in turning
is always from the extreme end OF the
axle. instead of at points intermediate
OF the ends. thus giving the animal IN
creased leverage, with quicker and surer
control OF the vehicle. The single-tree
is eliminated; the thills or shafts are
fastened directly 10 the collar by small,
rigid, horizontal supports extending
about seven inches from each outer side
Of the collar. By this arrangement the
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1905-10-08

VY YHEN Mr.. c. A Snow, of the
NM Humane Society, we n Z
abroad last spring it was
natural that his observations
and comparisons should be directed as
much at animals as a. men. and partic-
larly at the relation or men to their
animals. He and his family are just
back. They have made pretty com
prehensiye tour OF northern Europe, vis-
ting the principal cities of Holland,
Denmark Norway. Sweden and Rus
STA. As result OF his Investigations
he feels tat Americans ought 10 be
ashamed of themselves
Almost everywhere" he says, II find
that animals are better treated than
We treat them. Everywhere I was i'm
pressed with the care and kindness
shown animals. especially horses. and
with the superiority or the horses In
all the countries / visited The only
exception was In parts of northern Ger
many. This superiority is partly the
result OF careful breeding. but humane
treatment. good feeding. and thought
full care OF the animals comfort, have
great deal 10 do with II.
For four years Mr.. Snow has been
president OF the Humane Society. Dur
Ing this trip ne gave particular atten-
tion to the condit.ta OF animals in other
countries in the hope of finding ways
TO improve their condition here. In
speaking OF the Scandinavian countries,
he said:
In Christiania and Stockholm the
harness for horses is more comfortable
than with us. especially with regard TO
the bride and harness saddle. The
latter is not permitted to rest on the
backbone OF the horse, thus preventing
those sores which are so difficult to
heal. In Rotterdam" he observed, 1.-The
heaviest draft horses frequently drew
by the breast strap instead Of the
collar. This was not uncommon with
horses weighing loo or 1900 pounds.
The collar is TO be preferred IN most
instances, but as a change. when the
neck and shoulders are sore. the breast
strap. IL heavy enough, is perfect
substitute"
In response to a question about the
Russian horses. he said:
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1905-10-08
RUSSIAN HIGH YOKE HARNESS.

1t seems to be carried merely as a mat
ter of form, for 1 do not remember ever
nave seen it used. though it Is always
convenient. But such a whip as il is.
NO wonder they don't use Il. II is evil
IDENTIFY homemade by the mujik. It's
handle is about two feet long, and seems
20 have been cut from some wayside
bush or shrub. Apparently il would have
Deen too much trouble to take the bark
OFT or even trim il into anything like
good shape. To it is attached a fat
leather strap from three and a half to
Tour feet in length. The horse cannot
De hurt by such a whip and maybe one
reason why the mujik does not use IL u
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1905-10-08
A Great Firm.
~ PANTY Po1kERoY, 1886 Kenyon
Street, Columbia Heights.

0sxooSs OolumD1a Ae18utS.
Bishop Watterson is a man in whom
the elements are mixed, and his fine
poetic taste, and high spirituality are
as marked es his keen sense of humor.
The bishop tells a story of how a
drummer on the train mistook him (the
bishop for another commercial tourist,
and asked MIN If he represented a big
house.
Biggest on EARTH" said the bishop.
Whats the name of the firm" Quer-
led the drummer.
Lord and Church." replied the i'm
perturbable bishop.
''Huml Lord e. Church, never heard
OF II. Got branch houses anywhere7"
Branch houses, all over the world"
That's queer; never heard of 'em. Is
1t boots and shoesT'
MOT
Hats and caps?''
Not either
oh! Dry goods. I suppose7-
Well, said the bishop, Some cali 1t
notions
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1905-10-08
Confding.
BY MRS. z. n. HUGHES, 1915 Fourth
Street N. w.
awarded a prize Of So

A Chicago gambler. whose first name
was George, used TO visit a Chinamans
establishment and smoke opium almost
daily. One day he rushed into the place
and said excitedly: Hip. loan me SO.
Thanks, III come in and pay you to-
morrow noon, If I'm alive" and out he
went with the money. About o'clock
the next afternoon. friend of the gam
bier dropped in on the Chinaman and
said: Hip, where is George today" and
the confiding Celestial wiped his eyes
with the corner OF his blouse and re-
piled: George, him dead"
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1905-10-08

horse is not touched by thills. traces.
crupper or curb
The Russian mujik is the most pic
turesque driver 1 have ever seen. The
horses are fine specimens. swift and
with line action. but gentle and dociIe
could not get over my admiration and
surprise at seeing such spirited horses
driven in such apparently flimsy har-
ness. But they are under perfect con-
troll. and the Russian driving methods
seem to be as safe and comfortable as
any / know Of
The whip plays very small part in
The russians mana cement OF his horse.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1905-10-08

because he is not vain OF it's appearance.
A mule driver in Washington would not
be seen with so inelegant a whip.
But aside from the novelty and pic
turesqueness OF the Russian equine ac-
couterment II was inspiring to see the
kindness and consideration with which
they treated their horses and the gem
eral welfare and happiness of the ami
mails as expressed in the curves of their
well-nourished bodies and the content
ment OF their faces. For one thing IL
must be an infinite relief TO a morse not
to have that thick crupper under his
tail. In addition to this the Russian
morse mas the free use OF his head Is
a result his action is free and sniry& I
and his expression gentle and friend =
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1905-10-08
It Was Dead Easy.
BY r. P. McDEEMorr, As street
Northwest.

A young Catholic priest was at one
time called upon to I'LL the pulpit in a
large and well-known church. owing to
the absence OF the regular pastor be-
cause OF Illness. The young man had
never before assumed such RESPONSE
bility, and naturally he was in a state
of great nervousness. Still. he made up
his mind to do the best he could. In
the congregation was a gentleman OF
Celtic ancestry-named Murphy-a regu-
lar attendant, and who, being a great
admirer Of the regular pastor, chose to
look with disfayor and with a critical
eye on the usurper OF his place, even
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1905-10-08
Cant Fool This Niger.
By KATHERINE SHELLEY TODD
SheIbyviIle, KY.

Governor Vardaman tells a story OF
an old negro in Mississippi who, in his
bargaining. is always afraid that he
may get THE worst OF it, On one oc-
c2sion 1t appears this aged darby
went after a calf that he had pastured
:ll summer. and asked what he owed
for the pasturing.
4 have bill of $40 against you,'' said
the farmer, who had undertaken the
care. of the animal; but, If you are
willing. I'll take the calf and call ii
settled
No. sab" promptly exclaimed the
negro, I'm do nothing like dat. But
he added after a pause, IN tell you
what will do-you keep the calf two
weeks longer and you can have it
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1905-10-08

Don't you care for US any more?'' mo
mann, that's not it. | has ter go. Your
husband is IS pleasant hammered a
white gentleman as ever seed, and as
fer you, Miss Ella. why you is just like
you was my sistah, but l has Ter go. :,
Then you must tell me why" We'll,
YOU know, they was a funeral In town
today Yes. Jim Blake buried his
wife That's Jest it, Ise gwine 10
marry the husband of the corpse
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1905-10-08
Not the Right Man.

awarded a prize of SD

N"atueo prze OF sl)
An Irfshman went to hotel one night
and told the porter to wake him in
time to catch the early train.
After the Irishman had gotten to sleep
the porter and two other fellows put
lamp black on his face. The next morn
ing when the narter woke hin, M he
told him to hurry or he would miss the
train. He was in such hurry that he
didn't have time to wash his face. He
hurried out of the hotel and made a
rush for the station. On the way to
the station he had to cross a branch
and on looking down into the water he
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1905-10-08
The Pound Was There.


An 1rishman by the name of Riley.
who Kept butcher shop. owned cat
and a mighty thin one at that. One
Gay a customer asked Riley why he
didn't feed the cat once in a while. see
ing that 1t looked half starved So Riley
yelled out TO his assistant: Mike. didn't
tell you to give this cat a pound OF
mcat day until it got fat?" You did. =
says Mike. and 1 just give her a
pound Has that cat had a pound
Of meat this morning. asked Riley.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1905-10-08
On Good Authority.
BY MRS n. BEERE, sos Twelfth
Street Northwest.
6Awarded a pr.ze Of 50

No man in Congress had more CO.
pious vocabulary than Representative
w. sulzer, who recently spoke of a
landscape scene in Cuba as an '.inde-
scribable mental melody
They were discussing Sulzer in the
Democratic cloakroorn. He certainly
has the gift of language" said a mem
Der. Language" remarked ex-Repre-
sentative Tim Sullivan OF New York.
Why, l have IT on good authority that
he wrote the libretto for webster's die
tionary."
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1905-10-08

Yes. SIR says Mike Il don't believe
II. says Riley. Bring me the scales
and the cat" So Riley put the cat on
the scales and she weighed exactly one
pound There. now says Mike, amt
right You are that answered
Riley. There's the pound of meat. but
where in the devils the cat.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1905-10-08
The Last Hole.
~ =. ,. LOWE. 40 Eleventh street
Southeast.
Awarded . prize OF IS,

awarded prize of So
A local Methodist minister accom-
panied a friends to a golf club recently
TO engage In the sport for the afternoon.
Just as the minister was about ready to
drive the ball for the last time he spied
a graveyard at the foot OF the hill He
anxiously said to the little red-headed
boy who was carrying his sticks, Say,
caddy, what's that-a cemetery over
there?"
The caddy replied. Eyes. sir; that's
the last hole"
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1905-10-08
A Terrible Catastrophe.
BERTHA UNDERWOOD, 1887
Thirteenth Street Northwest.

A Sabbath school teacher was endeav-
oring to teach one of her scholars the
Trinity. To serve as an illustration. and
also TO impress it more forcibly on his
mind. she gave him three buttons. Now
Johnnie" she said, this is the Father,
this the Son. and this the Holy Ghost.
Next Sunday want you to tell me what
each button means" The next Sunday
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1905-10-08
Logical.
by MRS. J. DIDxoUNG, at East
Capitol Street.

school teacher was giving his
pupils lesson regarding the circula-
ton OF the blood. IF / stand on my
head. by way of illustration. the blood
PUSHES TO my head, doesn't it," No
body contradicted him. Now" he con-
tinued. when l stand on my feet, why
doesn't the blood rush into, my feet?"
Because" answered a daring youth.
your feet amt empty"
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1905-10-08

tors are often mistaken But even II
they do know a case to be hopeless they
cannot predict the exact time of a mans
death with such a certainty that the
funeral can be arranged SO long before
hand
.Yas'm.' with calm assurance; but he
viii be buried mex Sunday for all dat.
caus he's gwin to be hung on Friday %
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1905-10-08
In Men0riam.
BY MRS HALE HUGHES, 1915 Fourth
Street Northwest.

Last fall while visiting in the State
OF Indiana my aunt told me quite an
amusing story concerning a ne1ghbo-
or theirs, who had recently buried his
seventh wife wanting to erect a ulonu-
ment in memory of all seven, and not
knowing what would be an appropriate
inscription for all, he left Il entirely
to the marble cutter. In the course OF
time the monument was erected with
a hand on the top and the foref1nger
pointing upward and under bearing the
Seven Up
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1905-10-08
Inside Information.
BY KATHERINE SHELLEY TODD,
ShelbyYille, Ky.
awarded a prize OF 81

AWARDED a prize OF SD
Speaking of inside tips, they are tell
ing story on a little son of n depart
ment clerk and Christian Scientist.
The boy was complaining Of an ache in
his stomach, when the Christian Sci
enlist told him he wasn't i'll at all-that
he just imagined he was. But l know
better" said the boya I've got inside
information
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1905-10-08

came, and the teacher said. "Now, John
me- want YOU to tell me the Trinity
Inc child began, This button is the Fa-
,her, this. the Son. and, after a pause
On, teacher; mamma sewed the Holy
Ghost on papa's pants"
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1905-10-08
Why She Was Leaving.
By e. r. WILSON, 134a Street
Northwest

Recently while on a visit TO a friend
In the South 1 was much amused sat a
conversation which occurred between
my hostess and a faithful servant Of
long standing. Miss Ella, Ise gwine TO
leave you mann. l has ter GO Going
to leave us Mary What is the matter.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1905-10-08

he drew from his ample sleeve another
card. and after careful comparison of
the two. exclaimed: "Tickee no good;
no can come" and closed the door on
the fair visitors.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1905-10-08
Take Stationery Along.
BY K. IA. SCHMIDT, Room ia General
Land Once.

awarded prize Of 3D.
This task is too bio for me. / shall
never finish Il in the world
Well" said a fellow-clerk. .if you
take il TO the next world TO finish you
will have to write on asbestos paper"
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1905-10-08

saw black face instead OF a white one.
He rushed back to the hotel and said:
Begorra, you have awakened the
wrong man. 1 am white man and this
is a nagro."
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1905-10-08
Where He'd Be.
BY NATHANIEL T. WORLEY, - u
Street ~. W.

A gentleman riding with an IRISH
man came within sight of an old gal
lows. and. TO display his wit, said:
Pat, do you see that?"
TO be sure Oh do
And where would you be today II
the gallows had its due?''
.'OI.d be hiding alone" replied Pat.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1905-10-08
Ella Hadn't ''Et."
By X. n. SCHMIDT, Boom liz General
Land dice.

Ella" said her mistress. at the end
of the evening. ARE these all the cakes
that are left2"
''Yes'm." answered Ella land them
amt all left. for I amt 'et yet"
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1905-10-08

TY YHEN Mr.. c. A. Snow, of the
NM Humane Society, wen
" " abroad last spring it was
The Princeton union. [volume] (Princeton, Minn.) 1876-1976, 1905-06-29
Shepard's Bakery
J. A. SHEPARD, Proprietor,
First publication June %. 1915:

f1rSI puD1catlOn June ~, 1905
STATE OF MINNESOTA. COUNTY OF
~ Mile Lacs.-ss In Probate Court
In the matter of the estate OF Perlinus An
derson, deceased.
The petition of Edward Anderson having been
duly made and filed in this court, repre-
senting, among other things, that one Perlinus
Anderson. who resided last prior to his death
at Greenbush. in the State of Minnesota. died
Laos, State OF Minnesota, on the End day of
August, 1898, seized of an estate of in
heritance in certain lands in the coun-
ty of Mile Laos. State of Minnesota. described
in said petition, and that said petitioner has an
interest in said lands, and that more than five
years have elapsed since the death of said Per
linus Anderson, deceased, and that administra-
ton has not been granted or had of said estate
in this State, and praying that the descent of
said lands and of the interest of said petitioner
therein be by this court determined and said
lands assigned to such persons as may be enti-
tied thereto by law.
Now, therefore, it is ordered that the said
petition be heard at a term of this court to be
held at the probate office. in the village of
Princeton. in said county of Mile Laos. State
of Minnesota, on Thursday, the 27th dav Of
july A. d. 1906 at 2 o'clock p. m.
1t is further ordered, that notice of said hear
ing OF said petition be given by the publication
OF this order once in each week for three sIc-
cesSlve weeks prior to said day OF hearing in
the Princeton UNION, a weekly neWsnaner
printed and published at Princeton in said
county. - 50
Dated at Princeton, June 2Sth; 1905.
By the court.
B. M. VAN ALsrE1E.
probate Court seal.] Judge Of Probate.