The Caldwell tribune. [volume] (Caldwell, Idaho Territory [Idaho]) 1883-1928, 1905-09-09
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T. Il
Knicker-Why do You call your auto
TaxesT' Bocker-Becaus folks dodge
it so.--New York Sun.
Business. -"How much have you
got BiilyT "Fourpence." "I've got
twopence. Let's put it together and
60 halvesr-Punch.
"They say there's no chance for the
rich In the next world" THAT'S prob
ably the reason they're getting most
everything here|-Detroit Free Press.
Mr.. Goodley-Her age really sur
prtsed Ene. She doesn't look %, does
she? Mrs. Snappe-Not now; but I
suppose abe did at one t1me,-Philadel-
phia Ledger.
Nell-Somebody told me to-day that
was handsome. Bell-When was
that2 Nell-To-day. Belle-No: 4
mean when were you handsome.-Phil.
adelphia Ledger.
An unknown commodity; Rachel
Vader! Cohen-Yah. Rachel want
some spending money. Cohen-Spend.
Ing money! Vat kind Of money Ia
dot ?-Town Topics.
Teacher-What great difficulty was
Demosthenes compelled to surmount
before he became an orator. Soffmore
He had to learn how to talk Greek.
Philadelphia Press.
she-When should young widow
discard her weeds? He-Oh, don't
know, but I suppose abe should cut
them just as soon as she wants to
raise second crop Of orange bios
soms.-Baltinore Herald.
Mother-Oh, you bad boyl Dirty
hands again! I'm afraid you're a
hopeless case. Tommy eagerly
ma! does hopeless" mean you're 60
Ing to give up talkin' about it?-Phil-
adelph1a Press.
An absent-minded butcher was ask.
ed by q young mother to weigh her
! baby. He put the little one on the
scales, and, glancing at the dial, re.
= markell Just nine pounds, bones and
all. Shall remove the bones PIX
g An Oklahoma man has discovered
that there were department stores In
8 ancient Hebrew days. He quotes the
fourteenth verse In the fourteenth
T. chapter of Job: "All my appointed
time will wait, till my change come.
-Ex.
"Oh, DOCTOR" exclaimed a rheumatic
n patient, II suffer dreadfully with my
hands and feet" But, my dear sir,
'e reJoined the physician, 'just try tt
think how much Inconvenience yo1
e would suffer without them."-Londo,
Tit Bits.
II understand" began the large
Scrappy-looking ward politician, "da
youse had piece In your paper calm
me a thief" You have been misIn
formed, SIR" said the editor, calmly
"thiS paper publishes only news
Cleveland Leader.
whats the matter" asked the or
timist; II thought your uncle had LEI
you 100000" He did," replied tn
pessimist but confound it. he PR
v1deB in his will that I've got to us
$3.50 Of it to buy him a tombstone
Chicago Record-Herald.
"Why do so many actors insist 0
playing Shakespeare II suspect,
answered Mr. Stormlngton Barne
that it's because they can take all th
credit If they succeed, and blame til
public's lack of literary taste If the
= fail."-WaShlngton Star.
IL She-I'm glad we went. 1t was q
excellent performance-and for such
in charitable purpose. Her Husband
ct Yes indeed! We all feel a thrill
IT, satisfaction when we do somethir
al for charity and get the worth of OF
op money at the same time.-London II
Of Bits.
Ir- PaHent-Great ScottI Doctor, that
at an awful bill for one weeks treatmen
OF Physician-My dear fellow, II "
ne knew what an interesting case you
was, and how strongly was Tempt
to let it go to a post-mortem, y
wouldn't grumble at bill three tim
az big as this.-Chicago Tribune.
&c IF yoh husban' beats you, meb
=, you kin hab him sent to de whippi
- pos'," said Mrs. Potomac Jackson. q
my husban' ever beats me-" said Nj
10 Tolliver Grapevine, "dey kin send hi
~. to de whippin'-pos' If dey wants
90 But dey'll have to wait till he G
Ny out'n de hospital. "-Washington ST
A Southern planter was asking o
oo of his colored servants about her We
an ding. Eyes, suh," she said, ut W
les the finest weddin' you ever see
- six bridesmaids, flowers everywhe
~ hundreds of guests, music, an er he
N err prayin'." Indeed" commented
49, master. "And l suppose Sambo lo'
.n' ed as handsome as any of them"
~ embarrassed pause. well, mo-
"a 'xactly, sub. Would yer believe ii,
a. fool Niger neber shower up"
A farm laborer was working in
IN deld by the roadside one cold d
ost when a clergyman came along
road and stopped to speak to hi
plenty Of work for you this wealth
/ o., 10 BALLAD ont "A hw aaid In