The news & observer. [volume] (Raleigh, N.C.) 1894-current, 1905-10-01
TT SMOELER AM tn WS1OINER.
RHAMKATTE RoASTER.

"Dooley," said Mr.. Hennessy, "Oi
hear lot " optimism an pessimism
Plat is it? OF want to fond out where
OF shtand on tn matther?"
Faith, an We can't tell" said Mr..
Dooley; we can't tell whin We know.
Ye may be an optimist wan mint an
pessimist tn mkt, it depinds on tn
shtate fv yure liver an the condition
iv yure bank account
"Bejabbers, an phat is tn symp-
toms iv ach, thin" said Mr.. Hennessy.
"Whin am OF a optimist an Whin am
OF a pessimist; how can Oh tell
Its simple" said Mr.. Dooley.
"Whin ye feel loille a mornin' shtar
an hev' a hankerin' to sing together
with somethin' FIR pure jy, thin it's
a optimist ye ARE, an Whln ye leel
yure face sfretchin' out long as yure
arrum an it looks lOike tn Wurrld,
tn flesh an tn divil is again We an tn
fateS heV been usin' We FIR a jackpot,
thin it's a case iv pessimism that has
got We. Some paypIe is wan or TN
dher al the whole entOire tonne an
some iv us is wan or tn timer pc
turns. Win Missis Dooley shmolles
an beams upon me, OF am a rank
y
Lhot matrimony is a failoore, because
Oh know thot a change is occurred in
tn prevailin' shtoyle iV headgear an
skirts, an call FIR funds is imminint.
Ye can't jine MOnsoO White an roar
out, Not a kopeck FIR tribute, FIR tn
cash is gotter come. OF am on tn
dark sode iv lOife thin. But Hen
messy, me by, Whin she troWs tn
major portion iv tn shtove at me, fol-
y l., in,ifx w n
utinsils, it's j'yful Oh am an bloomin'
optimiSt, FIR there's naWthin dom III
financial circles. In thOt hour iV hap
pinesS an conjugal felicity OF shud
tell We thot marriage is wan iV tn most
SUCCESSFUL INSTRUCTIONS iXtant. But on
| tn whole OF am pessimist, Henhes-
| sy Oh hold tn Wurrld but as bank
where livery mon must put up tn cash
! or git out tn door. There is no hap
piness where there isn't a dollar
| though there may be dollars where
| there isn't amy happiness. Shud Oh
| come home frum me wurrk an me
| wolfe asst me Err a foiver an Oh shud
say OF didn't hev' a 500, thin throuble
a-foot an entOirely let loose
| MGSsis DoOley says to me, 'Shure, We
ouId haythin, an is it FIR this thot We
| took me frum me fathers house an
| plinty? Gwan with We an niVer come
| into me gaze again. Where shall Ol
git tn wherewith to DoorchaSe cab
bage fr dinner mkt Sunday. an PLAT
will tn kids do f'r d brownie TO gave
| to tn haythin in darkhist Africa =?
| But shud OF hev' tn long green. Hen
messy, an trow Il roll iv it at me bet
| Their half, it is wurth Twin to see her
| press me to her lovin heart, an hear
her say phat a. modil husban' OF make
her. But these little fncidints, Hennes-
sy, shDell naWthin Whin we approach
| tn dark tragedies " loifc. Look at
tn great ocean iv sin in tn wurrId
an tn little eyelan's iv good deeds.
| It's enough to make army mon pes
simist an has worried tn learned
docthers iv philosophy f'r twenty
thousand years. They chry out in tn
| darkness. 90 an why is it thot sin is
! i'm tn wurrld?f an OF shtand in me
| back Yard an ansher 'Bejabbers, an
it's because there is payple Twin here.
| OF shud niver be pesSimiStiC on thot
account, Hennessy, but it's enough, Oi
| grant We, to make wan peSslmiSiuc
| thot hasn't tn grey matther thOt We
an OF hev'. Whin Oh was young OF
was moro iv u pessimist thin OF am
! now Thin OF he'd to wear me fathers
| hats an me pants was out where Oh
set down. Oh nivcr owned handker-
| chief till Oh was sivinteen an thot
soured me disposition. But whin
| prOSnpcflly come vi ScL oNtI ihC
| youthful melancholy 1t takes
| throublcs to maket We optimistic, Hen
messy, FIR whin they let up on yc a
mint we feel so darned relieved thot
| We can recte without break, TIL
| hillsides dew Dearled an tn snails on
tn thurn, tn divil is gone, alls roight
with tn wurrld. Some payple is pes
simists because folks dole an hev' to
be buried an they don't understand
why is it. Oh shud niver be pessimistic
ABBOTT thot, Hennessy, FIR if OF he'd to
live all tn tonne an be harrassed be
creditures loiIIe OF am. an cussed me
be fellowmon FIR ohat Oh do an FIR
phat Oh don't do, an gosSiped ABBOTT be
tn ouId maid part iv tn congregation
thot go ABBOTT dOin' good to tn poor
an lie on tn well-tO-dO. loife Wuld mt
be wurth tn livin' an Oh Shud
shtay dhrunk an Own cenchoorics at
a tonne. Plat always made me more
pessinistic thin amy thing ilse was to
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