davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Holbrook argus., 1905-04-08
He Was Ready.

At certain Swiss hotel," said an American tourist, when I got ready to go I tipped everybody who had waited on me to the slightest extent and was ready to drive off when an individual appeared and asked if had forgotten his existence.
 "'And what did you do for me? I asked.
 "I am the undertaken in the can- ton,' he replied.
 "'But, thank heaven, I have not needed your services
 "'That is not my fault, monsieur For two weeks have been ready to patch up your mangled remains and send them on to your friends with my condolence and yet you have refused to go up on the mountain and meet with fall. It is not for what have done, but for what I should like to have done.'"
Holbrook argus., 1905-04-08
Magnetic sands.

In the district of Stavanger, in the southwestern part of Norway, there is a place called Jaederen, flat strip of coast less than a mile long, which is notorious for shipwrecks. Now Nor wegian physicist has discovered that the sand of Jaederen is strongly mag netic, owing to an admxtu"e of mag netic iron ore. He found also that at distance of three miles from the shore a ships compass showed devia- tion of whole degree from its true position. The cause O. the numerous shipwrecks. therefore. is obvious.
Holbrook argus., 1905-04-08
Working on Bumps,

"Is your husband at home, madam" asked the caller at the door.
 Sure and he's not" said the big, red-faced woman who had opened the door.
 You see, madam, I am travelling phrenologist, and I'd like to examine the bumps on your husbands head"
 You're too late. We did have bit of an argument this morning, and my husbands gone down to the doctors to have him examine them.-Yonkers Statesman.
Holbrook argus., 1905-04-08
Music in the Air,

Yeast-Did you ever see one of those musical rocking chairs?
 Crimsonbeak-Did 1? Well, I guess l did! 1 used to own one.
 You didW
 T certainly did"
 "How did you like it?"
 "Like it? Say, the first night after I bought it went home and fell over 1t in the dark; took all the skin off my shine, nearly broke my nose, put one eye out of business; and when I picket myself up, blow me if the pesky thing wasn't playing Home. Sweet Homer-Yonkers Statesman.
Holbrook argus., 1905-04-08
Different Points of View.

Old Grimes did chide his lazy son, cause he in bed would lay, instead of getting up to work with the dawning of the day. He told him how a poor man once at sunrise in the field, had found a leather purse which did thousand dol lars yield. "Oh, that's all right" the youth replied, "an early bird was he but the jay who lost the money was earlier, don't you see?"
Holbrook argus., 1905-04-08
Reversing the Rule.

The Parson-Young man, in order to succeed in any undertaking in life, you must begin at the bottom and work up.
 Young Man-That wasn't my fathers motto. He began at the top and worked down.
 The Parson-And made a failure, suppose
 Young Man-Not on your life. He made a fortune mining coal.
Holbrook argus., 1905-04-08
Household Frugality.

Mrs. Newed-Do you notice any diff ference in the milk, dear?
 Newed-I should say so; this is much better than the kind we have been get ting lately.
 Mrs. Newed-Indeed it is. got it of new man, who said he would guaran- tee it to be perfectly pure, so bought enough to last a couple of weeks.
Holbrook argus., 1905-04-08
Might Have Been Worse.

Mrs. Gabbsby-My! I was at the dentists this afternoon, and he made me keep my mouth open a whole hour. It nearly killed me.
 Mrs. Stillwater-Yes but it might have been worse. If he had made you keep your mouth shut for half that long it would have killed you for sure. Baltimore American.
Holbrook argus., 1905-04-08
Warned in Time,

Mir. Hardnut-I admit, sir, that my life has not been what it should be, but l truly and unselfshly love your daugh- ter, and if ever 1 give her a moments pain I hope I'll be made to suffer tor ture for it.
 Old Gentleman (warningly)-Oh you will. You cont know her.
Holbrook argus., 1905-04-08
A Cool Idea.

If you had a choice of names," said the teacher to little girl pupil, "what particular one would you choose?"
 "Jones or Smith, please,' was the prompt reply.
 But why Jones or Smith?"
 "So that my country relations couldn't find me so easily when they came to the city and wanted to stop for dinner"
Holbrook argus., 1905-04-08
Natural Conclusion.

The teacher was giving lesson in Russian history.
 And it was Ivan the Terrible" she related, "who slaughtered so many in- nocent people. Why did he do it?"
 q guess it was because he owned an automobile,' spoke up the boy whose father is chauffeur.
Holbrook argus., 1905-04-08
FORESTRY WORK IN GERMANY.
Vast Areas of Poor Land Planted with
 Pines by Government.

The total area under forest admin istration in Prussia in the year 1903 amounted to S,270,134 hectars q hec- tar is PAT acres), 2,55S,769 of which belong to the state and 72421 to the crown, while the rest was owned by municipalities, corporations, and pri. vate landowners.
 All forests belonging to municipali- ties and corporations are administered under government supervision, if not by government officers directly, says writer in the Forum; the large private owners invariably engaging foresters who have passed the examinations re- quired for the administration of gov ernment or municipal forests. For ob- vious reasons, there are no statistics at hand of the income derived from the grea:er part of the municipal and private forests. But the kingdom of Prussia realized a net income of 16 mark per hactar, or 40,935,504 marks, in the year 1903.
 These figures, however, do not tell the whole story. In the eastern part of northern Germany there are vast areas of poor soil, frequently consist ing of pure sand, unable to bear any crop. The government acquires such lands and reforests them mostly with the common German pine pinus sill vestris). One can hardly imagine how much labor and money such planta- tons call for; but the work is coll tinued, year after year, until q young, promising forest of pine stretches where formerly white sand greeted the eye of the traveller. The outlay for all this is charged against the forestry department.
 The same is true where the ever lasting fight against the land-devour- ing seas prevails. Sand-dunes on the shores of the North and the Baltic seas are first sown with weeds, whose long roots hold the sand and what little earth there may be together. Later humus is carried there to be planted with seedlings.
 <Ao a ioi SC piopOl Iioi oi lhS llC-o ofthe north German forests consists of the common pine mentioned above, it may be readily understood that the net income therefrom cannot be very large. Still, the government derives considerable amount of revenue from lands which would be looked upon as deserts in our country. In other parts of Prussia and in the rest of Ger many, the net income is considerably larger. But the main points always are: CD to SOW or plant and let grow all trees that promise to pay sufficient interest; @ to cut and market tim Der whenever it pays best to do so; and (3) to take care that future gener- ations are Eo worse off than the pres- ent.
Holbrook argus., 1905-04-08
Too Expectations to Work.

Hobo-Excuse me, lady, but I can't chop no wood fur yer. I'm supersti- tious about beginnin' any work on Fri. day.
 Housekeeper-Well, you can come back tomorrow, then.
 Hobo-Ter tell yer the truth. Iadv. I'm so awful superstitious that all days look alike to me.-Chicago Jonrnal
Holbrook argus., 1905-04-08
A Freak of Nature.
lonesome

Not long ago Colonel Cody, better known as Buffalo Bill," was relating to professor of ethnology some of his many and varied experiences among the Indians during his early days. The Philadelphia Public Ledger tells of the little joke which the scout played on the professor.
 By the way" asked Colonel Cody, abrutly, did you ever see a red-head- ed Indian?'
 Never did, and never heard of such a freak, colonel" was the reply.
 T saw one, Cherokee, down on the Fort Scott trail," quietly answered Cody. Then he stopped, waiting for a rise"
 It came. Rather an unusual sight that wasn't it?"
 Rather; but you see, this Indina was bald"
Holbrook argus., 1905-04-08
OUTWITTING THE PRUSSIANS.
NNNNNN~NNN

S~~~SNS~NN~Ns
 The little village of Josnes is situ- ated on the route covered by the Prussians in the Franco Prussian war of 1871. The peasants of the neigh borhood never weary of relating their experiences with the soldiers from over the border
 The Prussian soldiers had a little way of carrying off with them any good horses they came across. Mon- sleur Lemaire owned the finest horse in the village, and was determined not to give the animal up if he could help it. A company of soldiers passed through the town, picking up several horses as they went, much to the chagrin of their owners. After the raid was. over the neighbors were sur prised to learn that Monsieur Le- maire's horse had not been among those seized. The quick-witted Frenchman had tied a piece of twine about the horses hind leg, almost stopping the flow of blood. The leg swelled, and the animal became so lame that the officers who saw him i'll the pasture did not even make an attempt to take him. After the pass ing of the soldiery, the string was re- moved and the member carefully ban daged. In a week the horse was as well as ever.
 At various times the peasants were compelled to quarter the soldiers. Not only were they forced to supply food and lodging, but anything of value in the house was pretty likely to be seized by the unwelcome visitors. The pride of one little home was a clock that had been owned by the family for nearly a century. When it was learned that the soldiers were coming, at the suggestion of the mater familias the clock was taken to pieces and the parts hidden in different places about the house.
 The soldieds arrived. After they had been there couple of days the peasant returned from his work at night to find the clock standing on the shelf, ticking away as usual. One of the Prussians, being of a mechanical turn, had discovered the ruse. He had accordingly hunted up all the pieces of the clock and put them together. The soldiers were ordered elsewhere day or two later, but the clock was left behind
 All through that section of the coun. try, known as the 'granary of France" there are windmills. Unlike the mills of Holland, or the very mod ern windmills of our own farms, which turn as the wind shifts, the huge fans of the French mills are turned about by hand-lever.
 During the war these mills did good service in indicating to the French officers the whereabouts of the Prussian army. The fans of the mills were so arranged that they faced the spot where the forces of the enemy were the thickest, the mills thus serv- ing as signals that could be seen long distance away. The Prussians never learned the trick, which was all through the war.
Holbrook argus., 1905-04-08
Good Address,

"You will hardly do for the place." says the prospective employer. What we want is man of good address,"
 The shy, awkward youth drew him. self up at this, and asked:
 Do you know of anyone who has a better address than mine? I live at the corner of Swelle avenue and Nobb street."
Holbrook argus., 1905-04-08
In After Years,

Old Fogy Father-My father never supplied me with money to squander on fast horses, theater parties, late dinners and the like.
 Up-to-Date Son-Oh, that's all right, dad. You must remember that come of more artisocratic family than you did.
Holbrook argus., 1905-04-08
Improved Rapidly,

Singing Master-Why, you have no voice at all!
 Singer-Well, but I always pay for my lessons double the amount usually paid by others.
 Singing Master-Say that again; your voice sounded much better, thought.
Holbrook argus., 1905-04-08
.l1

"Mamma says a woman never can understand men,"
 Does she?"
 "Yes. She says if girl has taken piano lessons, her husband will not buy her a piano, but if she has taken cooking lessons the first thing he will buy is range"
Holbrook argus., 1905-04-08
Proof Positive.

"Did my client, to your knowledge, ever incite another to perjury?" asked the attorney for the defense.
 "Yes," answered the witness q once heard him ask a woman her age"
Holbrook argus., 1905-04-08
Popular.

"Poor Mrs. De Olde. Her eyesight Is failing so fast she is of very little use In society"
 "Oh, she is in great demand" "What for?"
 "All the girls want her as chaperon."
Holbrook argus., 1905-04-08
His Shoes.

Mrs Gigly-Whats that, may ask?
 Mrs Hubly-Oh, that's all I ever see of John Henry when he's at home, so fixed it up to keep me from being lonesome.
Holbrook argus., 1905-04-08

He Cat breakfasN-Do you remem- Der Waggsby, who bombarded us with rice when we were married?
 She-Yes. What of him?
 He-Oh, nothing, only I've invited him to take dinner with us tomorrow, and I want you to make some of your famous biscuit.
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1905-02-24
How do You Eat?

It is safe to say that modern cook
ing develops business for both the sa-
loonkeeper and the undertaken. When
boy eats mustard plasters in the
form of food that is almost saturated
with fiery spices and irritating condi-
ments, thirst is created that nothing
but liquor or cigarets will satisfy. Man
is admonished to "eat for strength,
and not for drunkenness" but in these
days anything that will tickle the four
square inches of taste surface is con-
sidered good food, although 1t may
contain scarcely any of the elements
that nature requires to replace broken
down tissues and to rebuild the worn
out brain. AS a consequence, the vi
tally and physical resistance soon
reach such low ebb that the individ-
ual falls an easy prey to any microbe
with which he may chance to come IN
contact.
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1905-02-24
Some "Don'ts" About Dress.

Don't dress the neck too warm when
going out in cold weather. A little
extra protection is required for the
ears. but it is not necessary to muffie
up the neck with thick furs to protect
the ears. Warm wrappings about the
neck cause the skin of the neck to
become moistened with perspiration.
When the wrappings are removed in.
doors, the slow cooling which takes
place in consequence of the evapora-
ton chills the part, and may produce
sore throat or nasal catarrh.
Don't wear rubbers indoors, nor out
of doors, except when it is necessary
to prevent wetting the feet. Rubbers,
being impervious to air, prevent evap-
grafton, so that the perspiration is re-
tanned, and the shoes and stockings
become damp from the perspiration
When the rubbers are removed, evap
Grafton chills the feet, the same as if
they had been wet by the rain or by
walking on a wet pavement. On re-
moving the rubbers after they have
been worn for some time it is a good
precaution to remove the shoes and
stockings and put on dry ones. If this
cannot be conveniently done care
should be taken to keep the feet warm
until the shoes are dry. The rubbers
should be dried before wearing again.
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1905-02-24
Tent Life Cures Consumption.

A doctor in Denver some time ago
made some experiments with consump-
tives. A tent colony was established
a little way out of Denver, and the
patients progressed fairly well during
the first part of the winter. But by
and by there was a blizzard, and the
thermometer went down to 20 degrees
below zero, and then they began to
improve very fast. One woman did
not seem to improve at all until the
temperature reached this mark, and
then she improved rapidly. She had
had no appetite, but that 20 degrees
below zero weather gave her an appe-
tite, which was an indication that the
body was beginning to work naturally,
that the assimilative processes were
being resumed, and from that time she
kept on improving.
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1905-02-24
Suppression of Consumption.

tuberculosis can be suppressed. IL
is not necessary for person to die be-
cause he has consumption. thousands
of men and women have been sacrl-
feed who might have been alive to-
day if only the right procedure had
been adopted That which is neces-
sary for the mastery of this disease
is to return to nature-to live natur-
ally in the fresh air, develop the lungs
and eat proper food.
tuberculosis is low-level disease.
People are not subject to it until their
tissues have become vitiated and their
whole bodies weakened.
To live a natural life is the only
safeguard against tuberculosis. One
climate may do as well as another II
only one lives out of doors, gets plenty
of cold, fresh air, battles the body with
cold water several times a day, and
takes as much exercise as he can
stand.
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1905-02-24

! TOLIVELON AND WE'LL I
= How tuberculosis and Kindred Ills May Be
Avoided. Alleviated and Cured.


such powerful reaction that the
whole body was stimulated to in
creased vital activity and recovery fol-
lowed.
Here is another case: A young man
in New York who was getting ready
to go to the Klondike went into prac-
tice, to convince his friends that he
would not freeze to death. Out of a
large buffalo robe he made bag,
pitched tent in the back yard and
slept in the tent in the buffalo bag. all
the winter, without suffering any in
jury from the cold.
And another: A cultured lady in
New Jersey who made up her mind
that she needed little hardening,
slept out of doors all last winter. She
had her bed put out on the second
story veranda, and an awning put up,
with net around it to keep the night
hawks away. Plenty of clothing was
provided, cap worn to keep the ears
from freezing, and she got along so
we'll that she slept out of doors the
entire winter
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1905-02-24

Folks In Ruts
Tn world Is full o ruts, my poy' son"e
shaller an some deep; " nc
An ev'ry nut is full o folks, as hiSn 90
they can heap. ,,.,,, ;s
Each one that's grOvelin in the ditc" 10
growln' at his fate. ~ no
An wishin he had got his chance oe
fore 1t was too late. soy
They lay 1t all on some one else OF say
twas just their luck ,.,,
They never once consider that twas
caused by lack o pluck. ,,.o,
But here's tn word of one that nNeo
clean through. from soup ruts,
Tn Lord don't send no derrlcks io"""
t hist folks out o ruts.
Some folks has stayed in ruts until they
didn't like tn place,
Then scrambled bravely to tn ROAD an
entered in tn race. -, .o,a
Sich ones has always found a hand heiu
out for them t grab
An cling to till they'd lost the moNe
peculiar to a crab.
But only them that helps themselves an
tries fer better things ,.,a,
Will ever see TIL helpin' hand [ WHICH
each climber clings. ~
This here's the hard. plain solemn tachs'
without no ifs or butts: , .,
TIL Lord don't send no derricks rouhu
hist folks out o ruts.
baltimore American.
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1905-02-24
A National Error.

Our cities are growing so rapidly
that only about one-half of our popula-
ton are now living in the country. DR..
Gould. speaking of the wrong of shut
ting men and women up in houses and
forcing them into sedentary occupa-
tions. says: There is enough land and
opportunity, if both were allowed and
utilized, to give every human being a
livelihood that will permit life OF a
normal length" He adds, that with
proper hygienic living, especially in
youth, and with right lung expansion
and development, no person should
have tuberculosis.
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1905-02-24
Home Sanitariums.

In New York city consumptives are
building little huts on the tops OF the
houses, and are recovering. Outside
New York, Boston, and other large
cities, tent colonies, where consump-
tives can live out of doors, are being
established. Every city ought to have
outside it a camp where tubercular
patients can live and get well. The air
inside the city is not so good as it
is outside; but on the tops of the
houses, where the sun can shine. it
is a great deal better than it is in the
damp, dirty buildings in which most
city people live.
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1905-02-24

The physician in attendance at
municipal lodging house in Chicago
has within the past year been making
careful inquiry into the history OF
the tramps who have become the city's
guests. He has found that large
proportion of the tramps give history
of having been employed in factories
or in other facilitating occupations in
boyhood. Our artificial modern life
is making multitudes of human wrecks,
one class of whom is represented by
the homeless, friendless, disheartened
men known as tramps. Fortunate, in
decd, are the boys and girls who live
in country homes and have the oppor-
tunity of growing up in contact with
nature.
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1905-02-24
Metal will rust if not used, and the
body will become diseased If not exer-
cised.--EXchange.
Condiments Create False Appetite.

There is absolutely no food value
in mustard, pepper, ginger, capsicum
and such things, and some of them,
spiced pickles. for instance. are indi-
gestible as sawdust. But these things,
people say, have relish. Those who
have a good, healty appetite do not
feel the need of anything of that sort
for a relish.
A condiment is something which
creates false demand for food. 1t
enables us to eat when we really have
no appetite. Appetite is an evidence
OF gastric juice with which to digest
food. Lack of appetite is an evidence
that one is not in a condition to digest
food. But condiment often produces
a false impression resembling appe-
tite, making one think that he is ready
for food when he is not. 1t is, there
fore, a deceiver to be especially avoid
ed by those who have no appetite.
Mustard, pepper, spices of all sorts are
enemies to health.
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1905-02-24
SOME WHOLESOME RECIPES.
Green Pea Soup.

Green Pea Soup.
Press through colander one can
of green peas. Add to this two cups
of water, one teaspoonful of salt and
one heaping tablespoonful of cocoanut
butter. Cook in a double boiler until
the butter is melted. Dried peas may
be used by first cooking until tender
then pressing through colander.
Hoecake.
Brown slightly together in the oven
two cupfuls of cornmeal, four table
spoonfuls of -four, two teaspoonfuls of
sugar and two-thirds teaspoonful of
salt. Heat one cupful of rich milk,
add this mixture to it, beat it until
cold. Add to this the beaten yolks of
four eggs, lastly fold in the stiffly
beaten whites. Drop by spoonfuls on
hot oiled tin and bake twenty min
utes.
Vegetable Salad.
Wash three medium sized potatoes,
and steam until tender. Peel and cut
into one-fourth inch cubes. Add one
cup of celery, chopped fine, one tea
spoonful each of salt, celery salt, and
grated onion, and the whites of three
hard-boiled eggs, chopped fine Mash
the three hard-boiled yolks, add three
tablespoonfuls of lemon juice and two
of olive oil; beat until smooth. Pour
this over the salad. Garnish with
either lettuce or parsley.
Mnce Pie.
Five cups of tart apples, chopped
fine; five cups of protose, minced one
cup of prune marmalade (prunes thor
oughly cooked, seeded and pressed
through the colander); two cups boiled
apple juice (boil the juice down until
it is almost as thick as SYRUP; one
cup of crushed nuts (walnuts or pc.
cans); one cup of malt honey, one
half cup of sugar, one cup of raisins,
butter the size of an egg Cook all the
Except the raisins) to.
gether slowly for two and one-half or
three hours. Cook the raisins about
half an hour. This is enough for five
large pies. 1t may be sealed in glass
cans and kept for any length of time.
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1905-02-24
Natural Cure for Tuberculosis.

A Swedish doctor some fourteen or
fifteen years ago succeeded, by very
crude method. in curing patients who
have been given up to die. His prac-
tice was first of all to rub the patient
three times day with a towel wet
in very cold water. A little later he
put the patient in tub of water at
about 60 degrees, rubbing him vigor-
ously for about minute, and later, as
the patient became better able to
endure the cold water, he was plunged
into tub full of ice water. This was
done three times day. Think of
those poor consumptives! Neverthe-
less they got we'll. The cold water,
with the rubbing following, produced