davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-05-25
THE NORsK NTGHTTNCAI,F.

Mics Standish ban having a courtship
ven all OF his fighting ban tru:
aaester Longfaller tai me about H.
And SO ay skol tai it to yu
ne Sa. TO his roommate: Yohn Aalden.
1u know dis Priscilla ay s'pose
LAST week ven ay try to get busy,
Priscilla yust turn op her nose
I giln alden BAN nefYy young Teller
50 standish yust tai him. "Oid pal,
! 4st boost me to dis haF Priscilla
y u Know az cant talk very val.
reese tai her ay ban a guide soldier
and say ay have money in bank:
Ay,d du dis myself, but ay tai yu
MY manners IN parlor ban rank"
So Yohn 60 and call on Priscilla
And happen to finding her in
lie SIT close beside her on sofa
AND give her guide lots of his chin
Miles Standish," he says. ban guide
Hot stuff With his musket and knife,
And so ay ban coming to tai yu
He'd lax W, Priscilla, for vlfe''
Priscilla, she listen to Alden,
And den give him cute little venk,
And say: Wy not speak for yureself,
Yohn?
Miles standish ban lobster, ay tank!"
SO Standish get double crossed dandy
And OATS yust vat AY want, by zee,
Fl ever ay ask any faller
To doing my sparkling for me.
Milwaukee Sentinel.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-05-25
THE OYSTER AND TYPHoTD.

A few months ago several people in
Wellington and vicinity were taken with
typhoid fever. Investigations proved
that every victim had attended a we'd
ding some time before, and physicians
asserted that the disease was the re-
suit of oysters eaten at that Wedding
Two or three Of the persons died and
several others were seriously iii.
Since then it has been asserted in
some quarters that the idea that oys-
ters can be responsible fer typhoid is
ridiculous. It is alleged that the oyster
comes from the bottom of the ocean and
is not subject to typhoid germs.
Now comes Samuel Hopkins Adams.
of McClure's Magazine, who IN an arti-
Gle in the June number of that publica-
ton on the subject OF typhoid, tells how
oysters can become infected with the
typhoid germ, and how they carry the
disease. He says:
Brought direct from the ocean bed
the bivalve. is not likely to be harmful
in or out of the months containing the
permissive r. But the high-priced,
high-hayored article that we. eat in ex-
pensive restaurants after the theater.
gets its flavor and its price by a method
calculated to make 1t unpopular. were
the process generally known. After be-
ing gouged from its habitat, it is taken
up the most convenient fresh-water
stream and planted to fatten it, pre-
ferably at the mouth of some tributary
creek. Now. in the regions where most
/ oysters are dug, the tributary streams
are not as pure as might be desirable
In fact, many of them are sewers. The
oyster fattens gratefully on this sew
! age, He has no more prejudice against
germs than has the average American
city, and he has the advantage over the
city IN that he doesn't siclzen on the
diet. Maybe he grows somewhat fab
by; but this is offset by the increased
richness of his flavor BY the time he
comes to your table he is as likely as
not to be in shape to afford a bacteri-
illogical laboratory diversion for several
/ days An investigator who examined
some bivalves fattened for the New
York market in one of the New Jersey
rivers found not only the colon bacilii
and the typhoid baeiri, but also the
bacilh of tetanus, and of certain other
: diseases that are really not ut to eat"
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-05-25
JAYHA WKER JOTS

If Senator Long keeps on becoming
"bronzed' he will be able to pass for
a Filipino by the time he reaches Ma
Mia.
The Ottawa Herald takes pains to
explain that when the Kansas bank
deposit passed the hundred million
mark 1t was going up and not down.
Henry Allen thinks that the steel
trust is asking US to strain our affec-
tons a good deal when it demands
that we attach the home-sweet-hone
sentiment to its product.
Here's another result of advertising:
A Topeka school girl was told by her
teacher to give the names Of eight
state officers. She knew all about
Governor Hoeh and Tom Kelly, but
those were the only ones
A Sixth district paper says a jury
in a murder trial up there returned a
verdict of Unsuitable murder" This
is something new. Justifable homi-
eide has been doing business for q
long time, but justifiable murder will
have to take its place along with the
white blackbird.
Leslie Wallace, who was for some
time private secretary to Congress-
man-at-Iarge Scott, and who is now
managing editor of Mr.. Scott's paper,
the lola Register, has gone to Balti-
more to marry Maryland girl. How
does Mr.. Scott expect to. build up his
fences in the Second district if those
nearest him overlook the charms of
Second district girls in this manner?
Judge Stuart, who sits on the bench
up in Brown county, is no respeeter
OF persons. In the same case in which
he fined Mayor Letson of Horton for
not informing the county attorney of
violations of the prohibitory law, he
also fined a Horton minister for con-
tempt of court in not Coming to testify
when he had been summoned. The
minister was summoned to appear
in the morning, but as he wanted to
perform a marriage ceremony he
thought he could violate the law by
putting off the courts business until
afternoon. Judge Stuart convinced
him differently.
This year brings a new danger to
the wheat fields. Heretofore the Kan
sas wheat crop has had to run the
gauntlet of only a dry fall which kills
the plant; a wet, cold fall, which
makes the seed rot; a cold dry win
ter which Winter-kills it; a dry spring
chinch bugs, the Hessian fly; hail,
rust, and floods. This year there is no
complaint from these things to speak
of, but the farmers say the high winds
are hurting the crop. And it was only
two or three years agO that q veracious
Wichita correspondent assured us that
winds were necessary "tO blow the
rust off the wheat" and that in sea
sons of calm the farmers had to get
out with fans and keep the wheat
stirring.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-05-25
GLOBE SIGHTS.
IFrom the Atchison Globe.

In the cyclone belt, cyclone caves are
referred to as ''fraid holes"
After troubles come thick and fast to
a woman, she quits having the blues.
A child is always surprised that you
don't know the washerwoman at its
house.
We don't want anyone with deserip-
tive powers to see us when We get old.
Emporia has a citizen named Kiss
Wilson, and Lawrence a citizen named
Sin Madden.
An automobile is something like a
horse, after all: it goes better down hill
than up.
We would all be better or if we
did not patronize half the advantages
of civilization.
Ever notice when you have four or
five dollars in silver in your pocket, that
it is uncomfortably heavy?
When a man buys al automobile. he
seems to be as shy about it as a man
who marTies G. second time.
Atchison now has nine automobiles.
The air will finally become so full of
gasoline that we will be afraid to strike
a match.
The descriptive powers a young wo-
man uses in telling about a wedding,
an older woman uses in describing a
death bed.
When a woman spends the day with
another woman the visitor usually
comes away with the story that her
hostess has too much to do.
When any one boasts that he never
writes any letters, his hearers think:
He must have some time been pun
ished for writing a foolish one''
If you can't afford to have an auto
mobile, you can have just as much fun
making fun of them as you would rid
ing in them, and it is a lot cheaper.
The stomach is a queer thing. An
Atchison man who fuses a good deal
about his, lately ate Welsh rarebft at
midnight, and it didn't bother him.
Inquire into the case of any man who
lives to a ripe old age, and you will
probably find he has dyspepsia. which
causes him TO be careful Of his eating.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-05-25

It is a common sight in the plaza to be
hold stall woman, who is selling two
reals worth of eggs, pick them up one by
one, put one end and then the other to
her lips and hand them over to the Gus.
toner, who repeats the same Identical
operation.
To the inexperienced onlooker it seems
as if they were tasting the extremities of
the egg. AS a matter Of fact, they never
touch the egg with the tongue
The idea OF the performance is that
when an egg is fresh one end is distinct
" colder than the other. The end which
has the air chamber is the warmer Of the
two The human lips are exceedingly SEN
sitive to heat and cold, and even the nov
ice at this form of egg testing promptly
becomes capable judge. If both ends of
the egg reveal the same temperature that
egg may be counted as bad as It Is fair
ken and the contents spread equally with
in the shell.-Mexican Herald.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-05-25
JOURNAL ENTRIES

a man is to be sc~med for the
amusement of the EDITORS who hold
their association N Oklahoma next
month. II 1t en- be shown that he is
the person mo takes the paper from
the postfSd1ce for nve years WathoQt
paying <or it and then has it marked
sFsefEsed,' it will add greatly to the
enjoyment of the country editors.
Extract from a womanss club paper
on Architecture" in 24O5: EK-
plorations made in what was once the
territory of Oklahoma show that the
prevailing style of architecture early
in the twentieth century consisted of
excavations, the roofs of which were
fust above the level of the ground.
They we're technically known as 'fraid
holes, although sometimes yulgariy
called cyclone caves
To make the eastern war situation
more Ineligible to many readers, the
State Journal would say that the ninth
inning has commenced with the score
standing 0 to in favor Of Japan. Ro-
jestvenslky is at the bat for the Rus
SLAMS, with two men out, KuFOpatl14n
and Stoessel. Togo is in the box for
the Japs and Is said to be in fine form
If Rojestvensky can knock a three
Dagger and get to VIadivostolxs Line
witch will come to the bat and Russia
will have q. chance to tie the score.
That donation of $4,000 by a Har-
ward man to Yale was for the purpose
of promoting a friendly feeling. In
some circles $4,000 would promote
more friendly feeling than the promo
ters would know what to do with.
Here's a man who says we are
spending as much for liquor as we are
for bread and he thinks 1t dead
wrong" said Bill Doolittle today as he
was looking through the State Jour-
nails pile Of exchanges. I'm with i'm
on that. The price of likker is alto
gether too high. We ought to get it
cheaper"
It must be that suffering is I'M
known among the Welsh. One Of
their towns is Gogerddan, Abery-
stwyth.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-05-25
QUAKER REFLECTIONS.

TFrom the Philadelphia Record.I
There is safety in numbers, unless
you play policy.
The street contractor should, of
course, be curbed.
The fellow who looks out for No. /
naturally wants a look-in.
sunday School Teacher-''What are
we taught by the Widows mite ?" Tom
my Tuffnut-''The widows might
what"
Yes" observed the Cynical Bache-
Tor. cit is possible to kiss the girls with
safety. but not after they are seven
years old
Subbubs="At last I think we have
a cook who is going to stay" Hub
bubs-"She likes you, eh2" Subbubs
Likes US! Why, she calls US all by
our 6rst names"
Wagg@"I often think it would be
most interesting to drop out of sight
and never be heard of again" Wagg
why, I never knew you had vice
presidential aspirations"
A sissy young fellow from Cowes.
Didn't know a yachts stern from her
bows,
But all day he would sit
And do nothing but knit,
And when cross he would just knit his
brows-
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-05-25
POINTED PARAGRAPHS.

LFrom the Chicago News.l
Silence often covers a lot of igne-
rance.
Lots of men secretly pray for their
wives.
The unfortunate mans friends al
ways live a long way off.
Occasionally you bump up against a
man who is too lazy to think
Every time the early bird catches
the worm it gets it in the neck.
It is easier for some men to break
out of Jail than it is to keep out.
In the game of life diamonds are
trumps only when a man has a good
deal
some peoples idea of a desirable
nefghbor is one who owns a lawn
mower.
AIimony is a saIve used by some to
heal the wound made by Cupid,s dart.
Every girl should know how to firt
in order to be able to refrain from do
ing it.
Few men have faith enough to leave
their umbrellas in the vestibuIe of a
church.
Have you noticed that the water
wagon isn't carrying the load 1t did
some weeks ago7
It sometimes happens that faith.
hope and charity I'LL the stage to the
exclusion Of gratitude.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-05-25

Gertrude Witty, the Coincidence OF
1T Happened in Noriand,' gave din
ner at her home the other night to a few
of her theatrical friends. She had told
her servant a well-meaning country
girl, to bring the nuts in already crack
ed. When the nut bowl appeared en- the
table only a few Of the nuts were crack
ed.
why didn't you crack them all, as
told YOU to dor" asked Miss Witty.
IT couldn't get the big ones in my
mouth. num- replied Mary the un-
phisficated.-Bosten Herald.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-05-25
REFLECTIONS OF A BACHELOR
IFrom the New York Press

TFrOm the new OK Lfess,I
Nay be the reason it is Heaven is
because there is no servant problem
there.
It does seem that nearly always the
most fun is in the things that are not
good for you.
Anyway a horse race cant fool you
as many different kinds Of ways as
woman can.
The first thing a man loses when he
gets into public life is his self respect;
then his character seems no loss at all.
Every girls feet are three sizes
smaller than they would. be IL the
shoemaker's marks were az times
larger than they are,
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-05-25
a GeolorIst,s TriaIs-

Prof. w. c. Hayes. of the geological
survey, was talking IN washington
about the trials of biologists
Did you ever hear of the geologist
in New Hampshire ?" he asked. well,
there was a geologist who spent a
long, hot summer day in Croydon
gathering specimens of the very odd
New Hampshire rock formations to
be found there, and late in the after
noon he hired a boy to carry his
heavy bag back to Newport for him.
This boy exhibited to a friend that
night half-dollar, and the friend
said, enviously:
" Where did you get that?'
made it. was the answer.
How did you make it,
You know that there man that
was working all day with little ham,
mer hereabouts. chipping off pieces of
rock and putting them in a little
leather bag?'
Yes
We'll, he asked me to carry his
bag for him to the Newport hotel, and
he gave me so cents for the job
Well, it was worth it. Must have
been pretty heavy, -carryin' all them
rocks four miles
1.-THE other boy smiled.
g DO you think carried them rocks
all that way?' he said. No, sir.
enptied the bag before startin,' and
just filled it again outside the hotel -
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-05-25
AN INGAI.Ils, sTORT.

The writer of this was once q pas
senger on a Santa F'e train to Topeka.
John J. Ingalls, was also a passenger,
and when the train passed Valley Falls,
Mr.. ingalls, told this story: Many years
ago, the town was known as Grasshop-
per Falls. Some man said the name
way he had the name of the town
changed to Sawtelle Falls. He said
that was more euphonieus. But people
in the vicinity insisted on calling the
town Sowtaii Falls, and the name was
changed to Valley Falis.-Atchison
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-05-25

successor The State Journal does not
want to be inqsIisitlye, Of course, but
since the Lawrence Journal seems to
know ali about the subject. it would like
to ask If the Lawrence editor means
that the Burton crowd VIII name the
man
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-05-25
STRAIGHT 80.

One of the railroad presidents says
no single body can make railroad rates
for the whole country perhaps not
But it can see that the rates made by
criuninate in favor of such concerns as
the Standard Oil company. That
would be something's Her
aid.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-05-25

The supreme court was, of course,
correct in saying that the grain pit of
p board Of trade Is not a gambling in
stitution. A gambling institution
nust have the element of chance in it.
and there is none on q board Of trade.
Rou are sure to lose. if you stay with
-he
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-05-25
,rOuGH az IN.

Everything is lovely in Lofts Creek
now and the goose honks high. Au-
gust Leisner has won his old girl back
again, jim has lost his happy home
and August is heard singing: There
Is Something Going to Happen Mighty
Soon. ''-Algona, Iowa, Courier.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-05-25

Illinois supporters Of Governor Deneen
believe he ought to be included in the
aist Of governors which the State Jour
nal recently said had come into the
public eye because they "do things +"
The Illinois governor really has done re-
markedly well, considering the material
he had to work with in the Springfield
legislature
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-05-25
COW WORKINq oVERTIME.

This mornings Union Pacific passen-
ger train had a shipment Of cream for
the Continental Creamery company, at
Topeka consisting of 1853 cans. The
shipment came in off the Central
Branch from the west and was trans
ferred at this place From the size of
the shipments that come down each
day it would seem that the cows out
west are putting in full time with
little added. At the price at which
cream sells at the present time the old
COW is bringing in the shekels to those
who are fortunate enough to possess
one. We were informed that the cream
that went out this morning was valued
in the neighbofhood Of S1,6Sa.-Beioit
CAN.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-05-25

Prof Trigg. Of Chicago university,
who some time ago tried to get into
the limelight by starting trouble for
Shakespeare, admitted on the witness
stand that he is not sure who Ner-
quito and Tybah were, and he couldn't
remember who was the author of
s'Maud Muller" Very likely he thinks
that the Merchant of Venice is still
doing business.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-05-25

1t is to be hoped Rojestvensky's III
ness will not be sufficient to keep him
from being the central figure in that
Zig demonstration Togo is expected to
puH off soon.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-05-25
HARD WORK.

striker to look the part of the hero
when the parental slipper is being Wig
orously applied on the place provided
by nature for such applications
Chicago News.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-05-25

Since the Iroquois club, the big
Democratic organization of Chicago,
asked President Roosevelt to speak at
SIS banquet, how would it do for the
kansas Day club to reciprocate by in
wiling Colonel Bryan to come down
here next January?
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-05-25
W. CAN EsCAPE.

Tom Lawson is said to be daily re-
hearsing the Fourth of July speech he
is going to deliver in Kansas They
have cyclone cellars in Kansas
Washington Post.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-05-25

So far there has been little advice
from one Eugene Debs concerning the
strike, but Mr.. Debs could undoubtedly
give valuable pointers on how not to
run 2 strike
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-05-25

The Kansas city union depot directors
held another meeting this week and then
rose to report progress. You would
have to look through a microscope to
see the progress though.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-05-25
EAST MATTER.

A Philadelphia belle kissed a hobo
who stopped her horse from running
away. But she had probably kissed
her poodle dog often. so that it came
easy.-ChicagO Record-Herald-
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-05-25

Reports from the Kansas G. a. R.
Rncampment indicate that elections in
that organization are conducted much
ng they are In PhiIadeInhia.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-05-25
GETTING EXCITING.

Tom Lawson is in the position of a
novelist who has his hero surrounded
by Indians and does not know how to
rescue him in the next chapter
Washington Star.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-05-25
SLOW.

We would like to be the editor of
a newspaper in Salina. If we were we
would Interview the husband OF May
Beilevilfe Brown to find out how he
likes it to have his wife made president
of the federated women's clubs. If he
helped to make her. fame Is travelling
too slow in reaching him.-Atehison
Globe.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-05-25

Ryow that each side has declared most
emphaGicslIy that Il viii light to the
hittaE end, perhaps the Chicago strike
win be settled.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-05-25

After they get through measuring
the size of the earth the professors OF
the University of Kansas. will be sur
prised to learn how much OF 1t there
is outside the Sunfower state.-Chl-
ago News.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-05-25
SAME on CROWD.

Senator Burton was held UP and
robbed in Chicago. These get-rich-
quick people have caused the senator
a lot of Notwithstanding Post
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-05-25

Secretary Morton claims to be the
best tennis player IN the cabinet. You
viii notice, however, that President
Roosevelt is not a member OF the cab
swe+
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-05-25
WHAT'S UP?

About once each week Ewing Her
bert goes to Kansas City, having in his
possession a carefully prepared inter
view which he submits to one or the
other of the Kansas City newspapers
and which if short of news, they pub
lish. These attacks upon the admins
from Congressman Curtis chief sup
porter in the district, give rise to very
decided and very logical suspicion. OF
course the Curtis people are not trying
to drive Governor Hoch from the field
Of senatorial aspirants.-L
Times.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-05-25

? the president might settle the dim
Guilty by promoting Bowen to LOOMS
place, and promoting" LOOMS to
5oWen's place.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-05-25
a SITGGESTTON.

Alas! the meat grows scant and tough
oh, good philanthropist, don't stop,
When we have colleges enough,
Endow a peoples butcher SHOP
Washington Star.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-05-25

a government observer asserts that
no more rain falls in western Kansas
than fell there thirty years ago. OF
course the observer ought to know, but
&c he does the rain is certainly wetter.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-05-25

nouncement that he win take no part
1n the selection Of Senator Burton's sue
sessor, the Lawrence Journal says cit
s. rat Longs crowd that win elect the
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-05-25

Canada Is claiming that Il owns the
4eEth pole. II Il via prove possess
lasn we VIII give our assent.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-05-25

e y0u are able 20 laugh heartily ana
yieh q light heart you are richer than
.eln q. RockefeIler.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-05-25
SPADES TRuMPS.

After all, in the great Panama
game, spades are trumps.-Baltimore
American.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-05-25

IN addition TO sitting on the I'D and
IA the railway masnafes, Secretary
Haft 81 now sitting on the stand