Los Angeles herald., 1905-10-15
WiIeS and Ways of
the Blatant Barker

EVEs, SIR, I'm here to- to tax al. ,1,oro IolkS
L I'm doing it right along reg
ular.
ITS my edjocation, l s'pose, that
does 1T. Which goes to prove that
man has to have an elegant one Ill
these days if he expects to get any
where, no matter what his line Is. YES
sir, education and persuasion is the
two winnin' cards these times. l got
all of both of 'em that's comm to me:
nv handlin' them just right ana
pushin' them to the front, they get me
seventy-five week summer. ana
winter. Ill
yes, as I said, I am paid to talk
people into this show, and I'm dom IL,
WHAT'S more. I've talked the same
bunch into the same snow ioui Ii till.g9 tiaI,7
i'm one evenin' and then had thei'l
chasin' themselves back the next
evenin' crazy to see it all over again
"Excuse me a second, sport. Here
comes a promisin' lookin' push-though
If wouldn't make no difference to me
if it wasn't promisin lookin'. You
lest watch me talk 'em in through the
door [ think see a chance to get In
a little kiddin' here and I'm nerce
kidder when [ want to be.
Good folks, If you're lookin' for the
big show, the only and best one, it's
right here and nowhere else. Don
wear out no paytent leather traVelln
further. What's that? Am / one of
the curiousockrities? Why, of course
I be. I'm doin' curious people ana
things right along reg'lar,. such as
eatin' the tough waiter girl in the
restaurant and givin' the beefsteak
cir clothes
and all the money 1 want to spend
and any one that easily satisfied can
surely be called freak.
Good people, cur exhibition is the
nineteenth wonder of the twentieth
century. 1t is conceded by all that our
Daniel in the lions den is so litellke ana
natural that the only way you can tel
Daniel from the lion is by the cotton
umbrella under hs arm. Our exhibit
tion is elevatin'; it's upliftlh; lts IN
structin'; it's amusin
"Well. good-by if you call that gone,
but I got a dollar here that says you IL
be back, for you all look like folks that
knows a good thing when you see one.
well, | didn't get that bunch in,
did I?
1T mighty seldom happens that way.
for / can most usually detacn some OF
'em from some of it, though there is
rev comm dlOuS ltIc tli'tN 'i''i'. -
earth can touch the hearts OF ana
nothin' on earth can make 'em loosen
up on their wads. Their coat-of-arms
reads, Let's all quit eatin' and drlnklh
and get rich quick But they'll nave
to shake themselves pretty consider"
able before they bring me around TO
their way of thinkin'.
well, yes. pal, now that you've
asked me and we are havin' this little
l. H.
ownin' up to you that I'm married.
Rut no guv that wants to live wants to
tell me to my face that / look married.
I have a system and there is Two
things / never stop peggin' away on
and them is not to let any of my
ediocation get away from me and
never to look married. Failure in life
and lookin' married is what us mas
been.to,college boys calls synonymous
terms Yes, sir; lookin' married would
mean destruction to me. why!
"Did Won ever know or hear of n
full-grown man wearin' full-sized
hat that would go of his own free Will
into the sort of show we put up here?
Now. on the dead level, did you?
Why. certainly not. Well, that's all
there is to it. But with the ladies, you
know, it is different. They're what we
have to depend on. They go peekln
and Deerln ABOUT mere anu 'iiSAN
lookin' for somethin'-they don't know
what themselves-and all that is
needed is a coaXin' eye thrun at 'em Mt
the right time and there is another
ticket sold. And say, when 1T comes
to winnin glances, I've got every boy
in my line put out of business. why,
say, I massacre 'en.
"Ediocation and persuasion is hard
pair to beat and I've got 'em both and
am usin' 'em, because l am goin' to tell
you that you can't put no slot ma
chine on this door and get rich. The
people have got to be talked into the
show, and it takes good talk and the
right kind of talk to do it, and it has
to be favored especially to suit the
ladies and the favorin' they like best
is edtocation and that is the sort L am
deliVerin'.
why, say, when L hear folks
knockin learnin' and edjocation 1 al
ways get hot under the collar. A word
of slang here and there don't hurt
nothin', though l don't care for it my
self, and there is taffy that doesn't
come in paper bags; but they've all got
to own up that it takes brains to get
at the inside of psychology, to say
nothin' of phizoology or ethicognomy,
and l know pretty well what I am
talkin' about. too-neither knockin'
the other feliers nor throwin' bouquets
at myself"