The Lamar register., 1905-08-16
Lem Browns Dilemma

For a full hour and a half on last
Wensday morning Lem Brown. our
talented carpenter. painter and gen
eral jobber stared cruel and relentless
deth in the face, while brave men
and weeping wimmen and delighted
children looked on hOrrifide and help
less. 1t was a awful experients and
will go down in the annals of our town
as one of the worst that ever hap
pened.
Some time ago the Ladies' Aid of
our church desided that the church
steeple needed new coat of paint.
The ladies' held meeting and past a
vote to purchase paint sufficient to
paint the steeple. Being as they was
no money in the treasury of the aid
the ladies' went out with subscripshion
papers soliciting money. The mem
bers of the church didn't seem to be
. any too keen for giving up good msney
TO buy paint, but after two weeks beg
gin 1t was desided that they had
enough to buy the paint. perviding
someone could be secured to put
same onto the steeple Lem Brown
was approached and askt how much he
would charge to paint the steeple.
Lem said he thought II ought to be
worth about rs cts. to him. but as
the ladies' didn't want to spend any
of their paint money they told Lem.
being as he was member in good
standing of the church. 1t was his
Christian duty to paint the steeple
for nothing. 1t took Lem good
tn bn bAx u
1t. but after they had pestered him
for several days he said: "Oh. well.
doddurn 1t. II you think it's my christ
chian duty to do 1t for nothing reck-
on I'll haft to do II. but that's the last
job I'll do at them figgers."
The paint was bought at the Co.
seat. 1t was white paint. and they
was two gals of same. They was also
/ at. of green paint for trimming. Lem
started in on the job bright and airly
last Tuesday morning. He borrowed
Cy Hoskins' apple ladder ard elm up
TO the ridge pole OF the church beside
the steeple and then hauled up the
ladder and set IL straddle of the ridge
pole on the roof and leaned the upper
end against the top of the steeple.
one hand and brush in the other
and started up the ladder. They was
considerable of crowd standing
around on the ground in front of
the church to watch Lem do the job.
wich was tickelish one as you
might say. When Lem started up the
ladder Gideon Smalley hollered at
him. saying:
Lem. you had ort to build n stasin
around that steeple to paint from.
suppose that ladder would fall down
with you up to the top end of it
then. where would you be. hey?"
I've painted and carpentered man
and boy for more'n 80 years" says
Lem. pausing in his tracks about haff-
way up the ladder and lookin down at
Gid. Il calkilate know thing or
two about the bizness. I'm purity
good hand to teud to my own business.
anil | hope other folks will do the
same"
Lem then perceeded on up the ladder.
and Gid he got mad and started on
home and said IL Lem Brown fell and
broke his neck, leaving his wife moth
ing but a widder. Lem couldn't blame
him. ana he Hoped he would fall
The crowd on the ground increased
until almost the entire populashion of
Bingville was present watching the
brave painter with horrible eyes and
baited breaths. Before Lem started
in to paint he filled up his pipe and
lit it Jest as keerless as If he had
of been sitting before his fire on a
coolish like night
He was jest as uncoucerned as YOU
please and hummed tune jest to
show them below that he felt per
feckly at home and him durn near
40 It. above the ground.
Lem had jest hung his paint pail
over the top of the steeple and begin
TO sling paint like expert when the
ladder suddenly slipped on the roof
and fell with a crash end over end
clean to the ground.
They was deep groan went up
from them below.
Wimmen turned away their eyes and
begin to scream. The men helt their
breaths.
All expedited to see Lem drop from
that dizzy height to the ground below
with dull sickening thud lifeless
corpse. Then they would throw sheet
over him and gether him up tenderly
and carry his dead, lifeless and
smashed remains home to his expect
ant wife.
But Lem did not fall as anticipated
When he felt the ladder slippin from
under him he throwd the paint brush
into the air and hugged the steeple
with both arms olSp rapninu laos
around same. The paint brush which
he let go of so suddint fell swiftly
striking Deacon Butterworth smack il
the eye who was standing with hi:
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