The Brandon news. (Brandon, Miss.) 1892-1961, 1905-01-12

make gentleman, you know. Pene-
lopc-What a chap you are for look
ing ahead.-Life.
Owner Gas automobile starts back
ing down the hiID-Pull everything
you can see, and put your foot on
everything else!-Punch.
"Were you ever in love, Edwin"
mo, but l have brother who's had
measles an mumps an most every
thing. "-Harper's Bazaar.
Lady-Oh, that big dog isn't the one
l advertised for. My dog was little
fox terrier. Boy-Yes'm. Your dogs
inside O. dis one!-Puck.
Teacher-Johnny, what is the most
effective way to punctuate sentence2
Johnny-Depends on who's talking.
Pa usually swears.-Detroit Free Press.
Jones is growlin at the world
again." why, l thought he was do
ing we'll" so he is; but he wasn't
expectin' his good fortune! "-Atlanta
Constitution.
Miss Antique-Why have you always
remained single? Oldbach-SimplY
from force of habit, l suppose. You
know-you know, l was born that
Record.
Woman OF the House-You're not
one Of those labor agitators, are you?
Goodman Gonrong with his mouth
full OF pic)-No, ma'am, I'm a rest
agitator.-Chicago Tribune.
Giles-So you've got a place in
that banking house? 1 suppose it was
because you knew the president? Har-
ris-Partly that, and partly because
he didn't know me.-Boston Tran
script.
Church-KavCr't seen you at the
theatre lately? Gotham-No; I'm lay
ing the foundation for fund which is
to be divided between the plumber and
the coal man this season.-Yonkers
Statesman.
The Boss-I'm afraid you are not
qualified for the position; you don't
know anything about my business.
The Applicant-Don't /, though? l
keep company with your typewriter
Chicago Journal.
Amateur iolincellist-What's the
next piece on the program? Neighbor
-Sousins orchestral fantasia, Might
Among the Pyramids" A. V. (much
taken backl-"Why, sir, I've just
played that Punch.
Giffle-B;lkins got numerically
snubbed by that girl at the haber-
dashery counter. He went in and
called fer standing collar, smirked
at her Spinks-Yes? Giff1e-And
got a turndown:-Houston Chronicle
Mamma Fighting again, Willie?
Didn't l tell you to stop and count
one hundred whenever you were an
CRY? Willie-But it didn't do any
good, ma. Look what the Jones boy
did while | nted!-Harper's Bazaar.
Father-Henry, don't you think it is
time for you to be doing your share
of the worlds work? Son-I suppose
it is dad If you'll make over to me
what you consider my share of the
worlds surface I'll work it for all it's
worth.-Chicago Tribune.
Carry-Maude is such an original
girl. She told me once she wouldn't
marry the worst man in the world
Martha-I know; that was the time
they thought she was going to marry
the man who afterward became your
husband dear-Boston Transcript.
Clarcnce-Your valet went on a
stwike, did he? Bless my soul! /
hope you didn't accede to his demands.
Claude-Pon M life, had to, old
chap. The cunning cweatuah threat
ened to leave me one morning when
| was half-dwessed.-Br Life.
Hes boasting that he's got a sine
cure What does that mean?'" asked
Mrs. Browne. obi" replied Mrs.
Malaprop. "that means he thinks
eyerybody's lookin' at him. Didn't
you never hear tell of a person bein'
the sinecure of all eyes?' "-Philadel-
phia Press.
what dye want?" asked the coach
man at the kitchen door. de boss
o. de house sent me- round here" re-
piled the tramp. AN said you was
ter gimme anything needed" IAN
roight. Come out to the stable an
Oil turn the hose on ye."-Philadel-
phia Ledger.
Don't you think asked Mrs. Old
castle, that our minister is becoming
somewhat recondite?" ''Oh, / don't
know" replied her hostess. Josiah
thinks so, but it don't seem to me
that he weighs pound more than
he ought to for man as tall as him."