Condon globe. (Condon, Gilliam Co., Or.) 189?-1919, 1905-08-24


sax-Your new auto is sixteen horse
power isn't it5 Fox--uml sixteen
balky horse powerB Brooklyn Life,
Diner--I'vO been waiting half an
hour for that chicken ordered. Wait.
er--You have an uncommon amount OF
patience, slr.--Judge
Shells skin grating very late
discovery He-~No It Is only new
branch OF very old art; all grating IL
a skin profess, s,--Detrolt Free Press
Sometimes a man Is desplsed for
twenty or thirty years because he Is 40
stingy, and then envled al the rest
Of his life because he is so rich.--som.
erville Journal.
"You haven't been here long" rc.
marked the ink.well. mo" replied tho
new hlotter. "IIow do you like your
workw well, It's certainly absorb.
Ing Philadelphia Ledger,
Husband--You ought to know more
than to order pearl necklace when
you know how I'm liked! Wlfe--why.
john do you think want everybody
20 know how you're flxedf-puck.
well. Doctors Brown aud Smith are
going to operate upon old Ciotrox." "Is
the operation necessary "Why, yes;
Brown has note coming due. and
Smith wants an automobile. Puck.
Mistress Ito applicant for cooks po.
sltlonl-Why did you leave your last
placer Appllcant---You are very In.
quisltiye, marin, didn't az yer what
for yer last cook left you.-Pick.Me-
Up,
Miss innlt--You seemed bored az the
theater last night. Mr.. Knott Don't
you like ShakcspvareG Mr.. Wyso
Knott-oh, Shakcspcare's all right. I
s'pose. but w!sh. he'd turn out some.
thing new.--Ex.
Albert. dear, while looking through
some Of your old clothes. | made such
u lucky find that ordered new dress
on the strength of H." "What was II.
dearH" Half dozen checks that had
never been written on"
Rastus Ito drugslsO--took hyah.
misteh. Yo' all sole me some stun to
make Easteh algs yestuddy. Drug.
glst~-Weil? Ras;as--Well, | feed hit
TO dem hens, an dey ain lay no aigs
--dey hay down en- die.
Mrs, Smith-IIad your daughter Il
pleasant voyage? Mrs. Newrich Yes.
but they must have HAD an accident.
She wrote she landed on Terra Flrma,
and | know the boat was bound for
Liverpool New York Mail,
Growell dn cheap restauranb--IIere,
waiter! Are these mutton or pork
chopsH Walter-Can't you tell by the
faster Growell--No, Waiter--Then
what difference does It make what
they are?--Illustrat Bits.
Mammal thought there was an mp.
pie on the sideboard and was going
TO give 1t to you, but | find IL isn't
there Freddy-Well. will you give
me something else. mummy. cos 1t
wasn't very good one2--Punch.
"One.half OF the worlds happiness ia
solved when a person learns to mind
his own business" Yes. but It's the
other half that causes the most trou-
Bile +" What's thatT Getting other
people to mind theirs. detroit FREQ
Press.
Mrs. Gadabout--People are saying
you called on Mrs. Vardlgris the other
day and got setback, Mrs. UpIohn
What wilful perverslon of truth!
called on her, and got back set Of
Dickens that I'd loaned her two years
before.
Mrs. Nuwad-Here's the bread I
started to make to-day. Isn't II too
annoyingf Mr.. Nuwed-Why, It isn't
baked at all. Mrs. Nuwed--I know 1t
isn't; that's just II. | put plenty OF
baking powder In 1t. but II doesn't
seem to have worked.
La Montt--Children are so much
worse than they used to be. What
do you attribute II TOT In Moyne---
Improved ideas in building In Montt
What has that to do with It? La
Moyne--Much. Shingles are scarce,
and you can't spank boy with II tin
roof.
A Process Reversed: "You regard
campaign calculations as distinct
branch Of mathematics" yes" an
swered the erudite parsonage. "rha
method differs from all others. You
start with the answer, and then work
backward and evolve IA problem TO.