Chicago eagle. [volume] (Chicago, Ill.) 1889-19??, 1905-03-11

YES. INDEED.
The Pessimist--lt costs great deal
more to live nowaways than IL used
U.
The Optimist--Wpll It's worth it,
.uck.
SIMPLE SUBTRACTION.
Sunday School Teacher Now, WI.
ie. how many commandments are
here?
Willie--Dere wuZ ten last Sunday.
tut Jake broke one, 50 | pose 0ere S
line leit.-Puck.
THE ADVANTAGE OF EGOTISM.
"Bliggins is always thinking OF HIM
self"
YES" answered Miss Cayenne. In
hat way he avoids having muth on
ais mind. '--Washington Star.
THOSE BOSTON GlRl.S.
Gertrude you think woman is
justified in using deception ia order ~
secure u husband?
Frances--For mercy's sake. how do
you expect woman Is ever going u
get married. should like TO know
Boston Transcript.
HONEST.
Client to l.awyer--DOn't you ;nink
you beloved good deal in your
speech to the jury?
Lawyer Dut YOU see my argu
mcnt VAS so slim That | had 20 Use
force to make them swallow it.--De
troit Free Press.
HIS OBJECTION.
Isn't tins DIn idtuCr iarSc, doctor
You only prescribed once aud onl!
took one ot your rllls.
well, /, was that pill that eured
YOU.
Il am not Directing to tine pill, doc
tor, but " the phase. Fort Noftl
Record.
NEVER HAD a CHANCE.
"Wha, Is the greatest spec cen tha
Congress ever DEVELOPER
Tine greatest speech, said thu
state sman with the disappointed look
was never delivered. wrote IL my
sell. Washington star.
A PROFESSIONAL JNE.
Fuddy--l saw NJ. Guesswell THU
morning.
Duddy--Hm? Wat did he have Il
say.
F'uddy--No hing particular. He salt
he was glad to see me we..
Duddy--OnIy tn!nk vi II! Anania
was struck dead tor a litter one maj
that.-BUston Transcript.
WOULD SEE.l so.
Yes" said the pretty country eirl
Hiram comes 10 see me during INT
week, but Silas comes on Sunday.
ria. Ha." chucklsd the friend
"Silas must be something Of Il sun
day supplement- Chicago news.
LOST UPON HER.
Mrs. GaduboUt-My husband i
so slipshod. His buttons are ioreye
coming on.
Mr.. Grimm-Perhap they are no
sewn on properly.
Mrs. That's just il, II,
Is so careless with his sewing. Lon
don Ta,tlsr.
EXPLAINED.
Excuse me-" said The usher, blu
why do you prefer the first seat IN tn
orchestral"
Well" replied the young man II
glasses, Il take great interest in m
tirst row of the chorus
Indeed"
Yes, am bookkeeper and I lik
to SEE II the figures are correct. DE
troit Tribune.
BUSINESS, &C.
The Actor--Look here, old man,
wish you'd lend me five dollars in ad
vance, and take it out Of my Hrs
weeks salary.
The Manager--But, my dear fellow
just supposing, for the sake OF argu
ment, that couldn't pay you you
first weeks salary-'where would
be?--l.ife.
IN A NEW YORK COAL OFFICE.
Telephone Clerk-Dr Depew jus
ordered ten tons OF coal sent up I
his house, but he didn't say what size
| shall have TO call him up ana as
him.
Bookkeeper-No Nonsense! He want
che smut coal, OF course.-Somei'ill
Journal.
HARDENED.
The Moorish brIgands had capture
The rich American and strung him a.
by his thumbs. To their astonishmen
he only smiled.
Where did you learn 10 stand sue
punishment? asked the barbara
chief.
Il used to hang by strap in tn
street cars" said the captive, simpl,
Chicago News.
TWO CHRISTMAS PRESENTS.
"Oh, let me show you what a beat
tiful present my dear, good, darlin
Of an old husband gave me-" said tn
happy wife to some intimates VIII
Aall.l MILa rAl ALlI do hi