Wausau pilot. [volume] (Wausau, Wis.) 1896-1940, 1905-03-07
SOuRED ON MATRIMONY.
He Learned Something About Paren-
tai Joys that "Queered" Him.

He Learned Something About Paren-
tai Joys that "Queered" Him.
The crusty bachelor had returned to
his boarding house. The thought Of
the advanced price of coal had added
to his already strong satisfaction in
being single, and it was with some
thing Of a keen relish that he replied
to the query of the prying landlady.
why don't you get married?"
"Well, I-er-realIy see no need of
it. Two weeks vacation in the home
of a New Hampshire benedict has
served as a sovereign remedy for any
inclination may have had in that di
rection."
The landlady put down her knife
and fork, wiped her lips with her nap
kin, and with an attentive air said:
"Why, what do you mean?"
"Well, you see," answered the bach
elor, soaking a cruller in his coffee, Il
met with an unfortunate, though I
may say not an unusual, condition of
affairs in married life. The principals
were possessors Of two children of the
carroty type. They had compilations
like that of blushing short lobster
going out of the State of Maine! The
boys face was especially lurld, and,
for one of his tender years, he had an
unusually apoplectic look. In fact,
heard that he had had violent attacks
of indigestion, which for a lad of six
summers was rather out of the COM
mon"
How extraordinary remarked the
landlady.
Eyes, indeed" returned the celibate.
"They had tempers which matched
their complexions-especially the girl.
They sat opposite me at the table, and
although l am said by my doctors to
be a nervous person l think that that
test proved l was not a hopeless case.
AS soon as breakfast was announced
the two youthful progenies would dart
for the same CHAIR 1t was like the
trumpet signal for battle. This first
episode usually ended in clinch and
breakaway, in which the mother, a
careworn-looking matron, took quies-
cent part.
Round two occurred whenever the
two happened to want the same piece
of bread, which was invariably the
case, and consisted in more or less
pair-pulling. Round three consisted Of
more spectacular form of warfare.
Usually it began with right handed
swing by the gentle maid upon the
magenta head of the youth and ended
the direction of the young lady's solar
plexus. This made the boy look like
a pinwheel in a 30-cent collection Of
fireworks. 1t was also an intricate
movement, as it was all done while sit
ting in a chair"
Remarkable interposed the mis-
tress of the boarding house.
quite so. Especially as this was
only the curtain raiser for the melo-
drama that followed. Every time the
two met during the day it meant a
rough-and-t Humble scrap and cry like
caterwaul."
"Why didn't the parents interfere"
''That is the great mystery, the rid
die of the sphinx. They would threat
end and scold, but beyond a menace
they did not punish The children
seemed to understand this, and it lent
JUNCTION to their deviltry. Now, if they
had been my children l should"
"Well. what would you have done"
THAT is just the reason L didn't get
married." he remarked, according to
the New York Times. Il should not
wish to be confronted with that stu
pendous question"
And he hastily withdrew to catch
the S o'clock trolley.