The news & observer. [volume] (Raleigh, N.C.) 1894-current, 1905-10-15

"exhausters' and locust preachers,
he will find it easier for d needle to
go through the eye of a camel.
When | hear man preach who
can preach. it puts me in a devo-
tional frame of mind, but if / hear
some fool founder in the depths of
ancient theology, | suffer a moral re-
lapse
1t does seem like man who wants
to be at the Fair, and who wants 20
see President Roosevelt as bad as l,
ought to go. We are told that Pro-
violence helps the lame and the lazy,
and | am both. Some call my NAL
ady being born tired, but l regard II
as good, old fashioned, unadulterated
Iaziness. My lameness is not in limb
or joint, but is a deep-Seated pocket
complaint.
Ever since Theodore Roosevelt has
been President / have tried to get
some token of his sympathy. / was
told to support Mckinley, for fear
Organism and free silver would ruin
the country. Some of the men who
warned me looked as woe-begone rs
the vanguard of CoXey's Army. but
were in mortal terror lest there
should be flood of free silver. and
our unhappy shores should be q
dumping ground" for the cards and
boat-loads of base silver coin accumu-
iating in Ashantee or Dahomey, or
mayhap, the diamonds of Brazil. So
when Mckinley was elected, / expect
ed a transformation. If a saw mill
went up in Central America, the fact
was heralded by the Republican.
press as d sign of prosperity.
/ looked, prayed and waited, but,
to use a trite smile, every time it
rained sugar my plate was bottom
side up. This joke is original. but
not with me. The great proprietor Of
a floating menagerie whaled Ham for
using this language, the goth day of
the flood
| asked several favors at the hands
of the lamented President Mckinley,
but hope deferred made the heart
sick. After his martyrdom | laid
siege to his successor, President Roo
sevelt To begin with L rendered him
good deal of advice as TO how to
run the Philippine-Cuban Tariff.
Reciprocity and other momentous
questions ! sent this matter to New
York Herald, Tribune, Toledo Blade,
Chicago Inter-Ocean. New York Sun
and other prominent publications.
When / sent return postage the ar
ticles came back; otherwise they went
where the wood-bine twineth Then
tried private correspondence. !
gave him my views on how to save
the country, and offered my services.
offered to go as a plenipotentiary
to several countries, offered to take
ministers place; and even suggested
that I be given the governorship of
a territory. To these letters l received
no answer. L then asked for a place
as post office inspector. and hearing
nothing from that. / condescended to
solicit the place. of deputy collector.
Losing this l asked for a place as
watch dog of distillery, and if that
was not available, / wanted a. post
office But the Watts Law downed
the chance for a revenue job. and the
r. f. D.. routes turned my toes UP to
the daisies as far as getting post
office is concerned.
Last week 1 wrote the President
that if he couldn't do anything else,
to please send me some of his old
clothes and a box of Brown Mule
tobacco. If he don't do that he is
an ungrateful hog. and III be "agin
him. every time he runs hereafter.
Confound him. he and | are nearly
the same size, and I've seen pictures
of him taken in at least ten different
suits within the last four years.
man who can have ten suits OF clothes