Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1905-03-31

She-I understand that Sarah Ann
married struggling young man. He
Yes, he struggled all right, but he
couldn't get away.
Doily-He's one Of those men who
won't take no for an answer. Madge
are you going to do? Dolly
Why, tell him yes.-Town Topics.
Fiend-What is hope? Poet-It's
something that wakes you up ut four
o'clock in the morning when the post
man doesn't come around till ten
Rams Horn.
He-My father is banker, and has
never been inside theater in his life.
She-Really? Ny father is an actor,
and has never been inside bank in
his life.-Judy.
Newrich-How'd you get along at
the dinner? Mrs Newrich-Fine.
When they eat pie with a fork, done
it, too, 80 as not to let 'em see their
break.-New York Sun.
Judge-The next person who inter-
rupts the proceedings of this court
will be expelled from the room! Pris-
oner-Hoo-rayl Whoopee-ee! Now,
lemme goLChicago News.
Bank President-We're ruined! The
cashier has absconded with one hun
dred thousand dollars. Director
Don't get excited. He has left a note
offering to take us into partnership.
Mrs. Oatcake Geading newspaper)-
Gracious me! Mr.. Murdoch has been
arrested. 1t was discovered that he
had twenty wives, and all are livingi
Farmer Oatcake-O-oh! another case
Of Brigham-y.-Puck.
Boarder WARMLY 1 know ev-
cry one Of the tricks of your trade.
Do you think have lived in boarding
houses twenty years for nothing7
Landlady frigidlyeI shouldn't be at
all surprised.-New Yorker.
"Let me see, cynic Is aman who
is tired Of the world, is he not?" the
young student of language asked.
mo, no, my child" replied the know
ing tutor; "a cynic Is man Of whom
| ID.
The Senator-Why mustn't 1 vote
for that bill? Consutuent-Becaus
the people don't want it, Senator. The
Senator-What have the people got
to do with it? Amt election over,
hey ?-Louisville Courier-Journal.
After the wedding: He-What are
you crying for, love? She-Over
papa's wedding present boo-hoo.
He-Why, what's the matter with it7
She-Its nothing but a receipted bill
for the gas we used up during our
| courtship hip-Pick-Me-Up.
Uncle John-So you don't like your
teacher, Tommy? Tommy tsayagely)
No, 1 don't. wisht he was at the
bottom of the sea! Uncle John-Oh,
come now, Tommy! That's too much
to say. Tommy-Well, wisht he
was at the bottom Of Jones' mill pond,
then.-Philadelph Press.
Just resentment: Young Husband
Bertha, did you ask the grocer to
show you some Of those seedless beans
I was telling you about this morning?
Young Wife-Yes, and If you want
your slippers warmed before you put
them on you can warm them yourself,
SIR. l Chicago Tribune.
The Man-Your daughter telephoned
me to call and fix your piano. Her
Father-What's the matter with it7
The Man-One Of the strings is
broken. Her Father-What will II
cost to repair the broken string? The
Man-Two dollars. Her Father
Well, here's SIS. Break the rest OF
'em.-Chicago News.
Paw" asked little Johnny, whats
a compromise? THAT, my son." re
piled the wise father, depends or
whom it's made with. For instance
il I make compromise with a bust.
ness man, go about half way. But
il make a compromise with your
mother, why. I-er--I go all the way =
Houston Chronicle.
| what do you think of Keats Ode
on a Grecian UrnY" asked Mrs OLD
Castle as they slipped their tea in ths
magnificent library. Il think" hel
hostess replied, "if he'd of been {
gentleman he'd Of paid 1t. Josiah say:
people never ought to have luxuries
that they have to get trusted for
Chicago Record-Herald.
Now, try to remember" said tn,
teacher, ''that Horatius won his glorJ
by his performance at the bridge. Al
ways keep that thought in mind ant
it viii help you to be brave anl
noble" .Huhv' sneered Johnny
athat amt nothin'. You see my ps
and ma at bridge almost every nigh
in the week."-New York Herald.
81 wish to get excused this after
noon," said Bizzlethorp, as he ap
preached the general managers desk
you see they've put me down to ac
as a pallbearer at a funeral" Ger
tainly; go ahead But you don't seen
to feel very sad about il" mo. He
the fellow my wife has always beel
holding up to me as a model. -
| Chico on Racor ord-HeraId