The news & observer., 1905-11-05

/ big politicians, not long ago, with
this propositions:
| Mister, if you will give me five
| cents I'll tell you the names of all the
books in the bible
THAT amt worth five cents" the
politician replied in sort of indiffer-
ent way
I'll give you five cents if you1l
tell me the names of all of them" re-
piled the boy.
Il couldn't afford to name them all
| just for five cents the politician said
| I'll bet you five cents you don't
know 'em ALL" said the boy, and the
politician wouldn't bet.
Speaking of precocious boys, l am
reminded of what one said to Henry
| Clay, so the story was told, when
Mr. Clay was in Congress, and goats
were allowed to run at liberty on the
streets of Washington City
| In one of his walks around town he
came upon a billy goat, feeding on
! shoe soles, old tin cans and other like
provender, that goats are said to have
a fondness for, and having heard it
said that billy goats nose could
not be put to the ground, Mr.. Clay
concluded he'd try it. The goat al
lowed him to take him by the horns;
| but. when Mr.. Clay undertook to
press his nose to the ground Master
Billy got mad and began to rear up
on his hind feet. and show fight IN
dignified as was the scene, Mr.. Clay
and the billy goat were having a time
of it, when boy turned the corner
and said: Mister. if you don't want
to have your lights knocked out,
you'd better let loose them horns and
run like the devil was after you
| Although history is silent on the
subject, we must infer. as that was
about the only way to get out of the
scrape, the boys advice was taken.
Mr. Clay as everybody knows, was a
great man, and could hold his own
with such men as Calhoun, Webster
and other giants of his time. but he
was overmatched when he tackled a
billy goat. The moral of which was,
and is men of character and high
standing don't show off to advantage
when they condescend to engage in
conflicts with small men.
If I've got to be whipped in a fight
I'd rather the man who downs me
should be a giant rather than ILL
| liptian. I heard a story once to the
effect that a man dying from the kick
of mule, said if he had been run
over and killed by freight train it
wouldn't have been so bad but the
idea of being kicked to death by
mule was more than a dying man
ought to have to bear.
/ had a mule to kick me one time
but unlike the fellow referred to
above, / thought, as I remember it
now. the blow he gave me was equal
to a railroad collision. He threw me-
and kicked me while l was UP in the
air, sending me in the corner of the
fence. | don't care to run against
anything that hits harder than
mules hind feet. l read a story U
guess it was story) of Il fellows be-
ing killed by til, kick of mule. His
sudden demise was wired to his
friends at home, who wired back to
| the person who announced the mans
death: "Please send his remains to US
by express To which message came
this response: There are no remains,
he was kicked by mule
When l read that, and remembered
the blow l received from my mules
hind feet, | concluded that the reason
1 was not knocked into atoms was be-
cause | was up in the air when his
heels hit me.
mule is q mystery to me: but /
know a great many people who are
equally mysterious. Josh Billings
said. that a mule will behave him
self half life time just to get one
good chance to do mean. Some folks
will do that. Those bank presidents
and cashiers who ran away with the
deposits, had been teaching Sunday
school and attending prayer meeting,
perhaps, for half a life time. waiting
for a chance; and, all Unexpectedly,
they kicked over the milk pail of
honesty and let the world know just
what they were. Up to that time they
were models of perfection. and no
body had the least idea they would
steal, for they'd never done so be-
fore. When Jack Hunts horse fell
and broke his neck, Jack said 'I
never that horse to do that before"
Yes, mule is mystery, but that's
what Bill Wilkins said of his wife
after their first fight, and he came
out second best; and she a little bit
of woman, at that
There are many mysteries i'm this
world; but l guess the fewer of them
we trouble ourselves about. the bet
ter; for, | have noticed, in observing
closely that men who are all the
time trying to unravel mysteries don't
nave time to work their potato
patches. curry their horses, nor
say their prayers. OF course the dear
women, having so little curiosity.
don't bother their heads about myste-
res but spend their time in looking
pretty and doing good. Nevertheless
they get all the news that's worth
knowing: and one of the mysteries
which men can't solve is, how do the
women find out so much-especially
about their husbands? One man
whom l heard discussing the matter,
gave it as his opinion that men were
too careless about leaving letters in
their coat pockets. He said he was
very careful about that. The idea of