davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Princeton union. [volume] (Princeton, Minn.) 1876-1976, 1905-11-02
A PHI to Cure an Earthquake.

Most of the details Of the plan which
Gar Nicholas has announced, with
much flourish, 10 give his people free
national constitution are obscure and
Will remain so until the scheme is
worked out. Enough is known, how
ever, to lead politically enlightened
people to the conclusion that the cars
grant is not constitution, nor are the
privileges promised national in scope
or, In the western sense, free privi-
leges. Attempts have often been made
by the Russian autocracy to muzzle the
intellectual and progressive few, and
this grant seems to be simply more
roundabout than it's predecessors. Like
the, others, it will doubtless prove a
blunder and serve to incite evils which
it is intended to cure.
The chief provision in the cars
grant is the establishment of a ma
tional council Of elected members, but
this body will act under the autocratlc
authority of the council of the empire
and Of the car himself, The car and
his creatures can suppress votes Of the
national council and Cypress it's mem
bers. The national council has no pow
er to put its will into effect, and the
last resort in divisions Of opinion is the
car or his ministers. In brief, the
car and the autocracy can undo all
the acts Of the national council, and
thus, as the manifesto puts it, the s'fun-
damental law regarding autocratic
power" is preserved.
The Princeton union. [volume] (Princeton, Minn.) 1876-1976, 1905-11-02
Physicians Prescribe Il

Many broad minded physicians pre-
scribe Foley's Honey and Tar, as they
have never found so safe and reliable
a remedy for throat and lung troubles
as this great medicine. There is no
other cough medicine so popular.
Contains no opiates or poisons and
never fails to cure coughs and colds.
Refuse substitutes. Sold by c. A.
Jack.
The Princeton union. [volume] (Princeton, Minn.) 1876-1976, 1905-11-02


rife speculation as to his destination
among the group that watched him
from the Daxes' front door. Mrs.
OAK, who entertained so profound a
respect for her own omniscience that
she disdained to arrive at a conclu-
sion by logical process of deduction.
was "plumb certain that he had gone
after 'rustlers! Leander, who had
held no opinions since his marriage
except that first and all comprehen.
s1ve tenet of his creed-that his wife
was person to be loved, honored and
obeyed acknowledgement with his lady
by process Of reflex action. The fat
lady, who had a commonplace for ev~
cry occasion, didn't ''know what we
were all coming to-" Miss Carmichael.
who was beginning to find her ca
pacity for amazement overstrained,
alone accepted this last incident with
apathy. MI. Hamilton might have
gone in swift pursuit Of cattle thieves
or be might be riding the mare to
death FOR pure whimsy. Only Judith
Rodney, who said nothing felt that be
was squirting across the wilderness at
breakneck speed to see girl at Wet
mores. But her lack Of comment
caused no ripple of surprise in the flow
Of loose Tipped speculation that served
for the time being to inject casual
interest into the talk Of these folk,
bored to the verge. of decentralization
by long waiting for Chugg.
Judith preferred to confirm her ap-
prehensions regarding Hamiltons ride
alone. She kneW-had not all her Wo-
mans intuitions risen in clamorous
Warnlng?~-yet she hoped, hoped de-
spalrlngly. even though the dread alter.
native to the girl at the Wetmore ranch
threatened lynch Jaw for her brother.
Her very gait changed as she withdrew
from the group about the door, covertly
gaining her vantage ground inch by
inch. The heels Of her riding boots
made no sound as she stole across the
kitchen floor, toeing in like an Indian
tracking an enemy through the forest.
The small window at the back of the
kitchen commanded a view Of the road
in all it's sprawling circumlocution.
Seen from this prospect it had no more
design than the idle scrawlings Of a
child on a bit of paper, but the choice
Of roads to good and evil was not
fraught with more momentous conse-
quences than was each prong Of that
fork toward which Hamilton was gal
looping.
The right arm swung toward the
Wetmore ranch, where at certain times
during the course of the year a HIN
dred COW punchers reported on the
stock that grazed in four states. At
certain seasons, likewise, despite the
fact that the ranch was we'll into the
foothiI country, there might be found
New York family playing at life
primeval with the cooperation of por-
celain bathtubs, a French chef and
electric light.
The left fork Of the road had mean
er destiny. 1t dipped straight into des-
olatlon, penetrating naked wilder
ness where bad men skulked till the evil
they had done was forgotten in deeds
that called afresh to heaven for venge-
ance.
Judith watched Hamilton with mar
rowing eyes. And now she was all
Indian, the white woman in her dead.
Only the Sioux watched, and, in the
patient, Indian style; bided it's time.
Seattle thieves" ''the girl at Wet
The Princeton union. [volume] (Princeton, Minn.) 1876-1976, 1905-11-02
JEWISH HUMOR,
It's Flavor of Bitterness and It's Sat.
ire of .JUd8isnl
[TO BE CONTINUED


ire of Judaism.
Renan said Of the Jews, "The Sem
itic people are almost entirely without
the power to laugh" Surely had he
looked for traces of Jewish humor in
the light which Heine casts back upon
it's dark tradition he would never have
made so sweeping a statement. For
eight years Heine lay upon, his "mat-
tress grave in Paris suffering excru-
ciating agony. He deserved, he said,
to have awarded to him 1.-THE grand
medals of pain and misery" Leopold
Zunz said almost the same words Of
the whole Hebrew people, IF there are
ranks in suffering, Israel takes prece>
dence of all the nations" The humor
Of Israel is favored with bitterness and
plays round the greater subjects of
thought and of speculation; plays like
the humor of man in pain.
Listen to the lament of a satirist
born at Aries in 1887 who finds the
works of the Jewish law an intolerable
burden and seems to have come, like
Heine, to the bitter conclusion that
Judaism is not religion, it is a mis-
fortune:"
Oh, hapless sire, distraught with cares,
Whose wife to him male children bears,
For all of them, or rich or poor,
Have only suffering to endure
This is caused by the Jewish creed,
whose yoke is hard to bear indeed
Its many laws and regulations
winch are unknown to other nations
Every Hebrew must observe
With Watchful eye and straining nerve:
- zen though he shares in public functions,
He still must follow their injunctions.
The Bible is not half enough; ~'s:~~lt:
CLOSES there are and other stuff
In which he erudite must be,
Especially in theology,
In all the Talmud may relate,
In authors quarrels and debate,
In things particularly small,
OF no significance at ALL
One more medieval quotation, this
time from the pen Of a Barcelona Jew.
The lines can hardly perhaps be called
humorous, but they illustrate with a
certain terse comedy the great value
set by the race upon three things
money, knowledge and domestic hap
piness. II man has none Of them the
poet has no better advice to give him
than to hold his tongue or to hang him.
self:
What is the most useful thing to any
man in life?
knowledge Or wealth or a. good and low
But if none of these commodities man ha G
ever got
Then by keeping golden silence he might
improve his lot.
And If he cannot do so, that poor and hap
less llnave,
Then let him go away at once and dig
himself a grave.
On his deathbed Heine made bis last
joke, and 1t is typically Jewish. "Re-
viewing his by no means irreproacha-
bic past" he hoped that God might for.
give him, ''for c'est son metier"-(that Is
his trade). Another story illustrates
yet more perfectly the bitter humor of
the Jew. 1t is the story of a dying
rabbi "Who had been all his lifetime
extremely religious, but had likewise
always suffered much want and mis-
cry. DO you know he said to those
in the sickroom, If after all the sad ex-
periences have had in the past there
Is no future life l shall be greatly
amused "-London Spectator.
The Princeton union. [volume] (Princeton, Minn.) 1876-1976, 1905-11-02
Use For the synonym.

Teacher-What is synonym? Pu-
p1l-A word that has the same mean
ing as another word. Teacher-And
why does our language possess syn
onyms? Pupil-So you can use one
when you don't know how to spell the
other One.-EXchange
The Princeton union. [volume] (Princeton, Minn.) 1876-1976, 1905-11-02

Friend-I suppose you're always glad
to get a patient who's never had any,
bad habits. Doctor-Indeed I'm not.
Friend-How's that? Doctor-Why,
man, I can't order him to stop any
thing-Louisville Courier Journal.
The Princeton union. [volume] (Princeton, Minn.) 1876-1976, 1905-11-02


he took his mail, talking meantime Of
politics, Of the heat, Of the lack of
water, in the loud voice for which he
was famous, he managed, with clumsy
diplomacy, to interject a word or two
Or her own ear alone. ~
"Jim's out" he conveyed to her in a
ccessfully muffled voice. "He's out,
d they're after him, hot. Get him
Of the state, Judy-get him out,
fk. He tried to kill Simpson at Mrs.
Nk's in town yesterday. The little
et>rn girl that's here will tell you"
IAthe major was gone before Judith
co\perfectly realize the Significance
u 1T he had told her.
ethrew back her head and the
The Princeton union. [volume] (Princeton, Minn.) 1876-1976, 1905-11-02

The whitewashers Of high finance
have coined the phrase honest graft"
Next we shall hear of trusty larceny
and virtuous boodling.
The Princeton union. [volume] (Princeton, Minn.) 1876-1976, 1905-11-02

Some naturalists say that the whale
was once land animal that took to
the water for safety.
New-York tribune., 1905-11-26

| an for every tap she got Mr.. FAIRY had
two as good. Meanwhile Peter was H.
sight. He wept an he howled all he
could for laughin' inside. An the neigh
bors, pityin' him, did their best to stop the
fight, though they enjoyed it with their
whole specially as Mr. Fairs-
a cross crayture no one hked-was gettln'
the worst of it.
Pretty soon-bangl Mrs. Fairy's tl,-
lelah came down upon the noodle %. her
husband like a thousand o brick. and
he gave in
"Ah-ohl Worra, worra, Voc ,h.
day!" says Peter The poor mans
done for! Give over, Mr.. O'Too,a. a.."
Thin Mrs. Fairy says: 1T serves him
good an right, the sPalpeen; ha- if vo1
say so, Mrs. Fairy, I'll hand hu over %
you. See that you teach him to be e,I
to strangers"
THAT 1 will, sir" says Peter. wir.r
pretended tears from his eyes that va-
as dry as a bone Here, Mr. OToal..
help me to carry him home!"
So thin Peter and Mrs. Fairy carried
Mr.. Fairy home, and whin they got him
there they changed back to their own
shapes again.
Whin they'd woke him up wild a pail
of cold water in his face, the first thing
he says was:
Did | kill the Irishman2"
"Troth, you did not!" says Mrs. Fairy
Twas him that killed you
bad luck to himl" says Mr. Fairy.
"An' for why?" says Mrs. FAIRY. He
gave you no more than you deserved 1
hope it II teach you to be civil to strangers
Where is he now?"
He helped to carry you home, says
Mrs. Fairy, and he's here
Here's my hand" says Peter. An
l hope you'll forgive the O'Tooles now,
seem you don't know what YOU have
ag' in them"
No hard fee1in's," says Mr., Fairy. Il
niver was beaten before, an though /
can't say it's enjoyable, yet it's good
medicine"
eff you'll niver lay finger on Mrs.
Fairy ag'in, I'll forgive you for all that's
says Peter.
So thin Mr.. Fairy took Peters hand
an promised.
Afther that, Mrs. Fairy made Peter
wish himself safe home again in Ireland,
an begorra there he was; an throuble
enough he had exPlainin' how he got
back so quick. Indade, Mrs. O'Toole
lid not believe word of the story he told
which is this story I've been tellin' YOU.
An for the matter O that, no more do l.
y
Whisht, now! Be aisy! The b'y's
zone fasht ashleep. But it won't hurt
linn There niver was childher injured
'y sleepin'.
OBEYING ORDERS
n army officer tells of an Irish member .f
New-York tribune., 1905-11-26

Whisht, now! Be aisyl The b'y's
gone fasht ashleep. But it won't hurt
him There niver was childher injured
by sleepin'.
New-York tribune., 1905-11-26
OBEYING ORDERS

A n army officer tells of an Irish member of
n the Sixth Regiment of South Caroline
Infantry who was stationed on the hea..
Suvan's Island with positive or r.
walk between two specified points and - .-t
no one pass without giving the c0uU-er---u.
Two hours after he had thus been stationed
the corporal with the relief appeared IN the
moonlight and was astonished to behold the
Irishman walking to and fro up to his wa--
in water. The tide had come in.
"Who goes there2" demanded the sentry
Relief" answered the corporal
Halt, relief! Advance, corporal, ana g--s
the countersign."
But l am not coming IN there. / WD-...
be drowned. Come out and let me relic
you"
The 1iftinant told me not to leave -.-
post" answered the Irishman doggedly
Then" said the corporal, starting to mo.
off, You may stay there all night"
Haiti" thundered the sentry. "Iu r.-
a hole in We if We pass without the counts--
sign. Thems me orders" and he cooked aa
leveled his rifle.
"Confound you and your orders howl.
the corporal. You blamed fool, Every
body'll hear it if l bawl it out to youi'
''Yis, me frind," dryly observed the L-
man, "an' the liftinant said it was T.
given in a whisper. In wild yel Me fin
on the trigger"
There remained nothing for the corpor
do but to wade out where the faithful ser
had stood.
"Be gobr' said that worthy, Its r..
you've come! The dirty tide has a.-
drowned me-"
New-York tribune., 1905-11-26
PIE O'TOOLE
AND FAIRIES
Continued from page 6

near either was d pldlll DlC Ol d COI,
much like Peters own, barrin' the size,
an there was no pig. Whin they wint in,
Mr.. Fairy was a-sittin' by the fire, smokin'
his wee dudeen.
An sure who's this?" says he 1ookin'
at Peter wild two little eyes as sharp as
twin gimlets. Hes no fairy" says he.
Its Mr.. O'Toole," says Mrs. Fairy.
She set out three-legged stool an made
a motion for Peter to sit down.
But Peter didn't like the looks of Mr..
Fairy, who sat maxim black looks an
sayin' niver a word at all, at all. If it's
not welcome L am" says Peter, I'll jist
be goin'. By the blood of the O'Tooles,
I'll stay in no house where I'm not
Wanted!"
"OToole is it?" says Mr.. Fairy. "If
you're wan of the O'Tooles you re welcome
enough. 1t gives me joy to see you, Mr.,
OToole for I'll have the pleasure of
wringin' your neck so l will! Manys the
day I've been waitin' for this bit O luck"
Wild that, up rose Mr.. Fairy an come
across the floor wearing a grin fit to sour
milk
Don't be afther hurryin' yourself"
says Peter. aye have the whole after
noon, an I'm thinkin' yell made it;
for if there's necks to be wrung, sure I'll
join in the game. But what's between
you an the OTooles?"
Mr. Fairy, still scowlin' like rainy
Monday, set himself down again an
says: "Whin the good folk lived in Ire
land, me great great grandfather had a
bit of a cave feminist O'Toole Castle, an
for many long year my people an the
OTooles was fri'nds, dye mind. But
wan day they quarreled."
AN why was that?" says Peter.
''Shure, an l don't know" says Mr..
Fairy, stoppin' all of a sudden.
The more fool you, thin says Peter,
''for takin' up quarrel whin you know
neither the right nor the wrongs of it.
1t no fairy | am, but that I'm an O'Too1e
L scorn to deny. So if it's breakin' of
heads or wringin' of necks you're afther,
bad luck to the Irish lad that spoil good
ruction! Give me bite to eat an sup
of a drink, show me where | can cut
shillelah, an thin let the best man wini"
So twas agreed. After bit of a meal |
Mr.. Fairy wint out to gather the neighbors
to see the shindy. While he was gone
Mrs. Fairy says to Peter:
Its good man he is, but hope you'll
break the hide of hin!"
Anything to oblige a lady" says
Peter; but you surprise me, ma am"
He'd be the better of ickin'," she
says, an if you do as l say, it's a good
ickin' you'll give him.
An how's that?" asks Peter.
D'ye mind 1 said I'd give you three
wishes?"
Il mind it WE'LL says Peter
AN like the foolish by ye are, ye
said no. Now, I'll give you two, for
it's wan ye had whin ye changed your
size. An SO you must wish that you was
me and 1 was you for the afternoon,
d ye seer"
Peters eyes sparkled at that you'll
give him the ickin' he desarves?" asked
Peter.
Trust me for that" says she. But
you must stand by, an whin 1arrup him
you must cry your eyes out, dye mind2"
True for you says Peter, an so
twas settled.
The Barre daily times. (Barre, Vt.) 1897-1959, 1905-06-21
vINDIcATIoN FOR LOOMS.
Bowen's Charges Are Said to Lack a
Foundation.

Washington, June 21.--It can be stat
ed on official authority that the Loomis-
Bowen case not only has been settled
finally, so far as the administration Is
concerned, but settled in favor of Mr..
Loonis. The charges against Mr.. Loom
is, for which Minister Bowen practically
stood, are declared to be without suffi-
Gent foundation in fact to be worthy
Of further consideration. Secretary
Taft's report to the president, which
probably will be made public soon, will
show this. Some criticism of Mr.. Loom
Is was made at the meeting of the
cabinet yesterday, but it was not Of
official nature to reflect in any way
upon his integrity.
The charges against Mr.. LOOMS are
discussed fully in the report of Secre-
tary Taft, but the report contains no
recommendation as to Minister Bowen
The understanding between the presi-
dent and Secretary Taft was the secre-
tary should inquire into the charges
against Mr.. LOOMS and that, in the end
the president himself would dispose Of
the case 80 far as relates to Mr.. Bowen.
Mr.. Bowen viii be arraigned for in
subordination, criticised for his action
in the pending case and, finally, dropped
from the diplomatic service of the coun-
try. It is expected that President Roose-
welt will issue statement covering
the case completely.
The Barre daily times. (Barre, Vt.) 1897-1959, 1905-06-21
7be Times Daily Short Story.

summer house."
'Thank you; I'm tired. | shall rest
awhile before dinner"
AS you like I'll stroll down to the
river bank. Good morning"
This was not to her purpose. She
changed her mind and said she would
I, go into the summer house for few
minutes only,
| why did you deliberately 60 Off to
walk without me thsis morningr" be
asked when they were seated. He as
sufned that she had done this, he did
| not know 1t.
Il don't care to attract the attention
Of those In the house by these walks.
especially"
"Well?'
"The young lady who has Just ar
rived might not like It"
I hadn't thought of that"
'You should have thought OF IT."
I'VE men are methodical fellows
We take up matters as they come
along. while your sex are prone to
take them up as fancy dictates"
"As principle dictates"
gThat word principle has many con-
ditions. Sometimes 1t is rigid, some
times elastic"
II should think in this case it must
be elastic"
you must remember that what we
call principle partakes OF education.
The Greeks
Bother the Greeks. What had they
to do with us?''
There was brief silence. Evidently
the hair splitting was over Presently
he said.
I'VE shall not hereafter be quite so
free to enjoy these walks together,
for
Evidently not"
My mother will be up on Saturday,
and
.Oh, your motherw
Yes. She Is an invalid, and I shall
need to devote a good deal Of time to
her.
And the rest viii belong to an
other"
what other?''
THE young lady who has already ar
rived"
"she will help me IN the care Of my
mother
THAT viii be her duty"
And her pleasure.
Certainly; of course"
Il shall be here only few days aft
er mother comes. then the care Of her
will devolve entirely on my sister,
Your sister,"
'Yes; it is she who arrived just
now"
There was another brief silence. The
girl looked up at the sky, then down at
the floor.
"Why didn't you tell me that be-
foreY'
'sYou didn't ask.
She sat silent for q moment, then
arose and was about to start for the
house, but he seized her hand AID de-
tanned her. The fencing was over. For
the first time since he had met her he
said what he meant, and she replied In
kind HARRIET CAWLEY
The Barre daily times. (Barre, Vt.) 1897-1959, 1905-06-21
mo FRICTION
ON THE CANAL
Shonts Declares Reports Are
Ridiculous.
WALLACE MAY LEAVE
The Commission, However-New Shake
up Would Cause No Surprise
Chairman Discusses
Plans.

Washington, June Yesterday
Colon despatch predicting that Chief
Engineer Wallace, now on his way home,
will shortly resign, is regarded plausible
by some people here, who believe them
selves in formed on canal affairs. The
possibility of another shakeup has been
discussed among railroad men and poll
ticians almost from the time the reor-
ganization was effected. Chairman
Shonts of the committee intended to
sail yesterday for Panama, but has de-
cided to await Mr.. Wallaces arrival, in
accordance with his request. Mr.. Shonts
asserts emphatically that he has no
knowledge Of any such purpose on Wal
lace's part and that all the correspon-
dence that has passed between them dis
cussing plans of work and vacation has
contained not the slightest intimation
Of any desire of Wallace's to sever his
connection with the great undertaking.
Shonts ridicules the idea that there has
been any friction between them.
Which do you intend to build, a
sea level or lock canala" Mr.. Shonts
was asked
Congress will have to decide that
when the time comes, but it may be
influenced somewhat BIZ our recommen-
dations. Personally I have not yet
made up my mind About ninety-nine
persons out of a hundred say that even
tually we ought to have sea-level
canal Ii this is so, / have had too
much experience in rebuilding railroads
at cost of three to four times what
original construction in the right way
txyfs3xtl
any temporary canal. Surface railroads,
a. we called those which followed the
ground with its curves and grades, were
necessity when the country was young
and would not support high-class rail-
road. But the United States is rich and
can afford to build the kind of a canal
it ought to have.
'sThe great need of canal il for
military purposes. We don't want to
have it possible for a stick Of dynamite
in the hands Of an irresponsible native,
working in the interest of our enemies,
to blow up lock and put the canal
out of use. We might not have had the
canal but for the Spanish War, which
emphasized the desirability Of this route
for our warships. That teaches us the
necessity for having it prepared for
war emergencies. Still do not put me
down as committed to the sea level
canal"
Opponents Of this project assert that
the greatest canals in the world, like
that at the $500" carrying d much
larger traffic than Panama will see in
several generations, are operated with
entire success by locks. Admiral Walk
er used to say that if a lock canal were
once constructed on the right lines It
would work so well that no one would
ever think Of changing it. The danger
in case of war TO the locks, Of which
there would not be more than FIVE, could
seemingly be obyiated by police patrol.
IT should not be simple task to blow
up so huge a piece Of masonry.
The Barre daily times. (Barre, Vt.) 1897-1959, 1905-06-21

a call Of duty upon a moments notice.
The John Robinson show which the local
show goers will have an opportunity
to see for the first time next Saturday
at Montpelier, when they come for two
performances, has under contract Capt.
Thomson of the Army and two com
panies of the whirlwind rough riders.
and they will furnish splendid special
to the big programme in the production
Of Frederick Remington's famous eThe
Fight at the Water Hole" in which a
big band of Sioux Indians who are out
on the war path catch sleeping COW
boy at the water hole and while the
preparations for burning him at the
stake are going on they are surprised
by his companions and running fight
on horseback follows and serves to show
both the red warrior Of the plains and
the COW boys style Of riding.