Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1905-07-09
MOST SECRET SESSION
The Mystery Of Mysteries Of
the Commission.
INVESTIGATING G.. P. @.
A RESOLUTION, BUT A sUBsTI-
TUTE WAS ADOPTED.
Mr.. Pinchot Tells About the Tall Tim
Der in a Storm, but is
Squelched.
INVESTIGATING G.. P. O..

The most secret meeting that has ever
been held by the Keep commission that is
investigating the scandals in the govern
ment printing office took place yesterday.
The meeting was the mystery of mysteries.
There would be no difficulty on the part
of the several members of the commission
in proving alibis. The fact only indicates
the intensity of the secret.
The meeting was called to order yester-
day afternoon in the secret meeting room
that adions the office of the public printer.
1t was devoted entirely to a discussion OF
a motion to open the doors to the public.
There was not single witness. The COM
missioners had it all to themselves and
when the meeting was over they adopted
resolution declaring that it was the most
exclusive and satisfactory assemblage that
they had ever held.
Chairman Keep called the meeting to
order and at once appointed a subcommis-
sion on keyholes and window shades. He
excused his negligence in not having ap-
pointed that subcommission sooner. but
stated that the time had arrived when
greater care must be taken in not allowing
the work of the commission to leak, as it
had evidently been doing.
MI. Garfeld's Suggestion.
The first member to break the intense
silence that followed the drawing of the
shades and the stopping of the keyholes
was Mr. Garfield.
Now, Keep" suggested Mr.. Garfield. Il
have a resolution to offer that Is intended
to put the commission on record so that we
may have clear sailing when we are inves-
tigated by Congress next winetr.
I've thought of that myself" retorted
the chairman. Fire away
ut is as follows" said Mr.. Garfield:
Whereas, sundry canards have been cir
cuiated by the vulgar press to the effect
that the commission is opposed to publicity
of the affairs of the government; be it
Resolved, That the commission favors
the fullest publicity of its opinions when it
gets ready to publish them; and be 1t fur
Their
Resolved. That as the publication of
facts without careful selection and an ac-
companying Interpretation of their impor-
lance and meaning by the commission is
apt to create scandal in which the commits
sion is not interested. and as it is danger
Gus. for the public to know much about the
governmental corruption, the commission
will in due time furnish to the press a
statement concerning such facts as leak
out during this investigation; and be 1t fur
Their
Resolved. That We own the govern
ment."
The reading of this resolution called forth
applause that quickly suppressed BY
the chairman.
''Silencer' shouted the chairman. Don't
you know there is a telephone in the
room?"
The Resolution Discussed.
The subcommission keyholes and win
dow shades cut the telephone wire and the
meeting proceeded to discuss the resolu
ton.
Il have few remarks to make on that
resolution" said Mr.. Garfield. You may
know that 1 am on record in favor of pub
licity of corporation secrets. and"
Where can we find the record?" asked
Mr.. Hitchcock.
The chairman demanded that order be
restored and Mr.. Garfield continued:
THAT Is to say. / am In favor of a law
that viii force the corporations to give up
their secrets to me. and I want to be
sistent If consistency doesn't interfere with
our program. Therefore Z ask that my
resolution be adopted"
The chairman hesitated before he put the
question or called for further discussion.
Then he said with great deliberations:
Il have framed a short resolution that l
think will cover the ground better than
that complicated declaration of faith. l
will read it.
Whereas the public and the press is
dominated by prying spirit; therefore be 1t
90 Resolved, That the public and the
press be darned,
THE resolution is adopted unanimously
declared the chairman.
Tall Timber in a Storm.
Look here. Keep" broke in Mr.. Pincbot,
chief of the bureau of forestry. Il am
afraid this thing is going too far Were
you ever In the tall timber in a storm
when there is clashing of heavy trees
and ones life doesn't seem worth cent?
Well. I'll tell you how 1t Is. The timber
seems fixed so firmly in the ground that
nothing could move it. The rain comes
down softly at first and ii soaks the
ground. That goes on for days. The wind
may blow occasionally. but the trees are
firmly rooted. But yand by the ground
gets like mire and the wind begins to
whistle and the timber topples and there
go scurrying to their holes a thousand
poleca IS
Hold on there Pinchot-hold on You
don't intend TO compare us to polecats DO
your asked Mr.. Murray 10
We'll, perhaps not, but was just think
ing about our being a smelling commits
SION
Yes broke In Mr. Hitchcock. land to
my thinking we are apt before long to be
giving of smells worse than the things we
are smelling"
Hitchcock Is little mixed" said the
chairman. he is thinking of the chameleon,
but that only changes color"
Well retorted Hitchcock. II guess we
can do that. too. but l am talking about
smelling now. and insist on my right to
be heard / want you to remember that
I'm an American citizen well as a men,
Der OF this commission and"
'Tush. tush. Hitchcock, you are getting
mixed: this is no Fourth of July ceIebra-
tion.'' said the chairman. Talk about the
constabulary-taik about the inquisition-
anything that has some sense to IT, but
don't spout nonsense here. Keep that"
No self giorifcation." suggested Mr.
Murray.
Il say keep that for the next election"
insisted the chairman.
There was a momentary silence, where
upon Mr.. Garfield arose and addressed the
chair.
II would like to have the chair state the
question that Is before the meeting he
said.
The Chairman Has an idea.
The chairman showed embarrassment. but