Manchester Democrat. [volume] (Manchester, Iowa) 1875-1930, 1905-09-27

Suitor-Does your doll talk when
you squeeze it? Little Sister-Yes, but
1t doesn't say "Oh, George. don'tv-
Brooklyn Life.
II understand Colonel Jones is IA
talist." You're right thar, stranger!
He never fails to git his manr'-New
Orleans Times Democrat.
what was your name before you
We're married." asked the Chicago CEN
sus taker. (which timc?" queried the
lady.-Detroit Free Press.
80 the jury gave Dolly fifty dollars
week alimony:" Yes. She says 1t
feels so good not to be dependent on
man for ones income. Life.
Doctors don't bleed their patients
nowadays, do they?" Don't, ehf
wish you could see the bill mine has
sent me!'-Browning's Magazine.
He-I was an intimate friend of
your late husband; Can't you give me
something to remember him by? She
| (shyly)-How would do?-Punch.
What was it that prevented the
duel this morning? Did one of the
principles fail to show up?" mo, but
they forgot the cinematograph."-Gil
Bias.
Bluster-Do you mean to say that I
am liar? Blister-I hope that I
could not do so ungentlemanly a thing;
but see you catch my idea.-Illus-
trated Bits.
She-And do you think It's possible
for a man to love two girls at the
same time? He-Oh, yes; provided 1t
Isn't also at the same place.-Phila-
delphia Ledger.
| Miss Sinclair-Wha didn't he mahry
dat Coopah gal? Mr.. Frothinham-Oh.
she done funk at de latest minute
wouldn't lend him dollar fob t git de
license Wick.
Hicks-Miss Lowd was in your box
Mt the horse show the other day, I
heard. Wicks-Yes. and everybody
else within fifty feet of the box heard,
too.-Philadelphia Ledger.
Mamma lat breakfast tnble)-You
should always use your napkin, Geor-
gle. Georgia am using it, mamma.
I've got the dog tied to the leg Of the
table with it-Golden Days.
Tommy-Pop, what is the difference
between charity and philanthropy
Tommy's Pop-Merely. my son, that
philanthropy can afford to hire press
agent.-Philadelph Record.
Johnny Jinks-Gee! How'd you
hurt your hand? Bobby Wabbles-I
had n giant-cracker, and don't know
whether l held on to it too long or
didn't let go quick enough.-Puck.
Miss Slimmun-Harold called me
peach little while ago. Miss Tartun
The insulting puppy! I never would
speak to him again. OF course he
meant dried peach.-Chicago Trib-
une.
"What authority have you for the
statement that Shakespeare is immor-
tal?" THE fact that he still survives
after having been murdered by bum
actors for three hundred years.
Cleveland Leader.
"That girl gets engaged to every fell
low that asks her" II suppose she
goes on the theory that she can always
return the goods il on examination she
decides that she doesn't want them
Washington Star.
Dear john" wrote Mrs. Newlywed
from, thu chora jpoloco tho hoto1
bill" Dear Jane, 1 inclose check"
wrote John, but please don't buy any
more hotels at this prlce-they are rob-
bling you."-The Smart Set.
"Ah. pretty lady" exclaimed the
fortune teller, you have come to find
your future husband?,.' mot much"..
replied the pretty lady, I've come to
learn where my present husband is
when he's absent -Chicago Tribune.
Have you any fixed opinions regard
ing the proposed franchise?" asked the
interviewer. Before answering your
question" responded the municipal Of
fetal, 81 should like to know precise
ly what you mean by the word 'fxed.'"
Washington Star
Ethel-When does your breach-of-
promise suit come into court, Claraf
Clara (sobblng)-T-to-morrow Ethel
(consolingly)-1 am sorry to see you so
overcome, dear. Clara-Oh. it's moth
ing, Ethel am simply rehearsing for
the jury.-Pick-Me-Up
THAT an auction piano your
daughters got, isn't it?' asked the sar-
castle woman next door. mo, indeedr'
replied the proud mother, Indignantly:
"what made you think that?" "Oh,
probably because it's going, going. go
ing all the time" = Philadelphia
Ledger.
"why am l gloomy?" demanded the
undesirable admirer, to whom she had
given the cut direct. isn't it enough
to make one gloomy to be cut by the
one he loves best?" THE idea!' *
claimed the heartless girl, II didn't
even know that you shaved yourself"
| Philadelphia Press.
Miss Kunning-Every woman should
work hard for husband. Mr.. Marry
at-That's what say, but my wife's
So lazy Miss Kunning-You mis-
understand me. mean she should
work hard to get a husband, but after
1,s r1N s-l,1 l,&sk ~