The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-05-09

,
Defeated by a heagSlLss wretch who would
~ 4-s . '''e Printers Ink
HU1EoR OF THE DAY.
'If you was to get to be one O. desc
multimullionaires, said Meandering
Mike, would you fergit your humble
Rast?"
I'D be a real philanthropist, I'd buy
up all de car factories an have cush-
ions put on de trucks. ''-Washin
Star.
Pausing uncertainty before a desk
in the big insurance Office, the Htbern-
ian visitor said to the clerk: "Oi
want to TEX out a pawlicy." Life,
fire, or mariner" drawled the dapper
clerk with infinite sarcasm. '.All three,
Dim thinkin','' retorted the applicant
"OPm goin' fer a stoker in the navy"
Puck.
He-May call on you this. evening?
There is something that I have long
wanted to say to you.
She-Yes, but here's a doorway in
which we can stand without being seen.
So many things might happen before
night, you know.-Chicago Record
Herald.
Woggles-Hicks has a great memory
for details hasn't he?
Boggles-I don't know He has owed
me so for three years now, and ap-
parently he has quite forgotten it
Somerville Journal.
Farren-Hasn't our trouble with
Venezuela something to do with an as
p- KooIer4Certainly it's get pitch
quick" scheme that's at the bottom Of
it-Chicago Tribune.
Jacob. had lust kissed Rachel.
Then he lifted UP his voice and wept.
why do you do that2" asked Rachel.
Because he sobbed, lit didn't seem
to surprise you; am not the first
young man you have kissed!'
But he forgave her to such an extent
that he served her father II years for
her.-Chicago Tribune.
Small Boy-say. pa. what's a good
book to read2
Father-The Bible
Small Boy-oh. mean one with
fairy tales!
Father-The Bible.
Small Boy-Aw. I mean one that's
got lots of fighting and killing in it,
Father-The Bible, my son. The Biz
bic is full of all kinds of stories.
Small Eoy-Well. maybe it Is; but
what's another good book?-Brooklyn
Life
at hear the cashier OF. your bank is
very musical" TRY working of a
false note on him and you'll think So"
Judge.
she-Do you think it makes a man
bald to keep his hat on?
He-Oh, no, I've taken mine of
merely to get the exercise.-Chicago
Record-Herald.
Sunday School Teacher-Now, then,
Willie Smart, can you tell me what a
ic
Willie smart-why "a prophets one
O. these fellow that's always lookin'
for a chance to say Il told you so."-
Philadelphia Press.
visftor-Doesn't it cost a great deal
to live in city like this2
Haggard I3yspeptic-I suppose 1t
does. Ny doctors never have allowed
me to live here. I merely exist here.
Chicago Tribune.
beware, your days are numbered"
MARRY, wouldst make an almanac
of me ally Sloper's Half-1oliday.
Elsie jagged fve)-I do hope some Dutch
man aI,n wv Rana marry e 6 Tng9 gro" up
Elsie Cause want to be a duchess.
Some men said Uncle. Eben, keeps SO
busy talkin' bout deirse'fs dat dey never
finds time to say anything Wu'f talkin'
bout. washington Star
Mrs. Rash-Children nowadays are so
mature. 49,,
bows ind fault with their food exactly like
grown men.-Brool1iyn Life.
..Rojestvensky has queer system Of
puncthuationl'
How is that?"
puts little colon.'-Cleveland Plain
Dealer.
- - y,ss -, -,,1,, .--,,o+ ~. -
accept you the night you proposed?
Mr. Jones-Yes, love: just before I got
times saw the moon over my left shout
der and walked under ladder.-Judge.
He-NIiss de Jones-C1ara-I never loved
anyone but you. VIII you be my wife2
She-But I've been told that you pro-
posed to four other girls within a month.
for practice, 50 that I wouldn't blunder in
proposing to you.-chicago Journal
Mr.. Spoonmore,' she said. with cutting
scorn. 4 wouldn't marry you If you were
worth a million dollars. Is that PLAIN
NO: it hatters." he replied For he was
gazing despairingly at her portrait on the
parture-ChieGgo Tribune.
Mr.. Famley-willie. you must go to bed
Little willie-Noi
Mr. FaTniey-What? Don't you say mo"
Little willie promptly, but determined
1yl-Excuse me. No, sir.-PhiIadelphia
Ledger.
Citizen-I wish to consult a Life Of
Roosevelt" I presume you have one. At
tendant-Sot in this building, sir. You
want to step over to our annex That is
devoted exclusively to lives Of Roose-
Philadelphia Bulletin.
HAS the Russian General Hittemmup-
ski a good war fecord?' Il should say
so He retreated twenty miles in two
hours and four minutes. Cleveland
Plain Dealer.
His eyes are red, his voice is rough,
He's taking heaps of doctors stuff,