The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-05-31

1e. '-Philadelphia Ledger.
Does that man speak IN his OFFICIAL ca-
certainly not" answered Senator sor-
cial incapacity. We shington Star
Whats the matter with Browns facet
It's covered with court plaster.
Hes been taking lessons in shavina
from a correspondence school. "-Milwau-
kee Sentinel.
Sometimes conhded Mrs. Longwed te
her intimate friend, Il think my husband
IS the patientest' gentlest, best-IT1satureq
soul that ever lived, and sometimes J
think it's merely laziness that ails him. =
Chicago Tribune.
Fond NGother-Tommy, darling, this ia
your birthday. What would you like best3
Tommy (after a moments re1eetion)-l
think I should enjoy seeing the baby
spanked.-New Yorker.
What took best at your amateur min
The mistakes. Puck
a lot of people know more than they
can find out.-Chicago News.
CHARACTERIZATION many books have you
Resident-Hain't never written any.
Censustaker (sternly)-No joking now.
Remember that / represent the United
States ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS Courier
Journal
Pa, what's ready money!"
THE kind the man who offers something
for nothing generally takes away with him
in barrels. Chicago RecOrd-Herald.
A friend is one whose acquaintance has
been cultivated. To obtain the most per
feet friendship, his faults should be ploW-
ed under and his feelings never narrowed
Life.
First Passenger-Are they a happy fam
second Passenger-Im afraid not The
old man is seasick. but his wife and the
girls have mal-de-mar.-H arper's Bazaar.
Hes got something new to growl about
And what is it?"
The spots on the sun amt big enough
to cast cool shadows in summer time. -
Atlanta Constitution
Snoggins-It's strange that the house
burned before an alarm was given. Dldn
your lodger detect the smell of smoke?
Bloggins-Him? Gee, no! Why, man.
/ he's a observation-disclosures Leader
"A beautiful woman" said the senti-
mental observer, can make strong man
so can a 3-cent collar button, replied
the bachelor cynic.-Chicago News.
Did you attend the mothers congress?"
Ss!4 No. 'A answered. g8e5r,s the other I didn't
have time. I had to stay at home and
look after the children. Washington
Star.
Shea merciful man is merciful to his
: HeGDon't be alarmed, dear. I'm not go
ing to feed any of your cake to our dog
Yonkers Statesman.
Briggs-Topperly took a drink two days
after he signed the pledge.
Griggs-What caused the delay?-Life.
Umpire-Play ball!
: Voice from the Bleachers-What' de use
of givin' dem fellers orders dey cant fir
Cleveland Leader.
You say his course was not quite salts
factory to the labor unions?"
Why. no. He worked ten hours a day
to secure an eight-hour law. Puck.
Eyes" remarked Mrs Firegilt with com
placency, everybody thinks my new fur
, | niture is splendid 1t is of the Louis Cart
horse pattern, you Hnow-"-Boston Tran
script.
she-You know this is the first time I've
ever been in an automobile. Don't you
feel as if you could keep going on like
H HeENo; I've had too much experience
Judge.
'Have. you ever done anything you re-
Yes answered Senator Sorghum.
didn't ask for all / might have gotten
out of a deal. "-Washington Stat
member that there's always room at the
top of tho ladder!
I Applicant for JOb-Um. Would you mind
giving me boost SO I can see for myself?
Detroit Free Press.
Younger Brother-I say, muvver, know
why Johnny is so awful fond OF gong 10
lantern shows.
Mother-Why, dear?
Younger Brother-Becos he doesn't have
/ to wash his neck before he goes.--Ally
SIopers Han-Holday
Customer Crying it on)-I like the shape
| of the bonnet well enough, but don't you
MiIliner-Tt may be little plain, ma am,
hut see what an admirable foil It makes
for your face.-Chicago tribune
Mrs. Jaglets-Pm astonished. James. You
promised me that II anybody asked you to
enter a saloon you would shake your
nag Jaglets-I did. shook it up and down.
Chicago News.
stella-I see New York is to have forty
me more letters.-Harper's Bazaar.
THE editor looks downcast. What is
the matter with hinn2'
HE received letter yesterday inform
ing him of an inheritance, and in the rush
he replied. Declined with thanks. -
Meggendorfer Batter.
Nistress-why, Jane. the chairs ere all
covered with 6usti
covering of some ne kind to hide their
shabbiness, 'am.-Chicago News.
Nero was not satisfied with the slaugh-
ter he was causing IN the arena.
This is too tame ne said; I'll have to
get an automobile
rubber coat and announced to the Roman
senate that he was dressed to kill
Brooklyn Life
why is It. Wisely. that widows are
! int nzf Tan
either married women or single7''
They are not, old man. They just seem
to be"
well. how is man to arove it?''
Marry one OF them and find out That's
how I learned. Cincinnati Commercial
Tribune.