The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1905-06-26
The
dill. BOY" said the Knoeker, as he
put down his paper the other

OIL BOY" said the Knoeker, as he
put down his paper the other
afternoon at the Growers.
bring me a Martini cocktail, and see
that il is made by a union bartender. in
union-made glasses with good straight
anal gamated gin and national brother
hood hit1ers- 7 don't intend 70 get my
name a. the papers for drinking scab
drinks"
Yassir.' said the boz.
Hold On minute. Simeon" said the
knocker hastily. DO You belong 20
the National Order Of Consolidated But
tonses2
''Yassir.~ replied Simeon. Tee chair
man OBJ de local chapter, sab"
Very good You are qualified 10
serve He-gO on about your business
and don't keep me waiting for haVe a
h"ii-unlon thirst On THAI is just aching
10 be reformed" observed the KnOcke-
What's all that about" demanded
Redface. What deadly joke are you
perpetra ting this ti1ne2''
Joke2 cried the Knocker. Joke?
Me-Joke? Ny der man. ! never was
mere serious in ~ life. Much ds I
GeT"ccate most of the conditions that
BOW prevail IN this world. social. moral,
political and others. 4 nevertheless de
sire 10 remain over my allotted span
upon this footStooI. and / don't propose
10 make my life any harder to endure
ior the want Of a little care ~ the
manner of my daily living. Society in
the mass has decided that the union IS
q good thing. II has come TO stay and
It's going to have its way though the
heavens fail I don't want any heavens
IsIiing on ne, any juggeTnauts running
over my PROSTATE body. 7 don't propose
10 place my humble corpse on the track
Of life in front of the Empire State
Express of Progress in the expectation
OF stopping it an dso I go in always
Tor union-nade articles. Nv nieces and
ncpheWS are union made babies; the
shoes on my feet are union-made shoes.
constructed of UniOn-tanned leather
from uniOn-bTed cows on an Amalga-
mated Brotherhood farm. Ny hat. my
shirts my socks and necktieS-all are
union-made Ny letters are written I'm
union INK, on union paper with d union
pen My sentiments are union senti-
ments- ! read no novels that are not
written by members Of the Authors
ciuo. the only literary union in the
tinted states Whenever I enter d res
tdUrant and order A chop. / specify that
II must be a union choD, cut from
brotherhood lamb. born Of union par
eHts and slaughtered bE butchers of
regular standing in their local chapters
" AaftlrNF - 20 10 Gfftffn ana mo tFlaF
the preacher does not bear the STAMP of
the Episcopal brotherhood of Pulpit
FOUNDERS and EGpOunders OF the Pres
byteTian Consolidated Parsons associa-
ton No 8. or some other organization
OF similarly recognized standing. I 90
out before the collection and refuse III
terry to return to that temple Of wOr-
snip until the deaCUns- or the VeStrv.
or other governing body have turned
lsnT n.s OK J, 7~rr-.
careful in other matters. l associate
IN SO far as possible only with union
made people
I'm not union man." retorted Red
face
Yes you are" said the Knocker.
on belong TO this club called for the
sake of brevity the Growers. although
its proper name would be the Indepen-
dent Order Of United Knockers. Ham
merers and Grand Master Kickers Of
the United States Of America. You are
one of the high priests of this temple
OF pessimism and are as indelibly
marked a member in good standing of
this Association of Consolidated Jere-
mlahS as any hammerer in the bunch.
not even excepting myself. If you meet
a nOn-uniOu knOcker anywhere on the
street and get involved in an argument
with him, it's only the presence of the
police somewhere in the immediate
nelghbOrhOOd that keeps You from
kicking him forty blocks for the sheer
peTverSlty of his views. I have heard
YOU say i'm this very club that some
other whaCker of your acquaintance
who is not a member here ought 10 be
hanged for invading your field as a
very Crackerjack of smashers-and Vet
YOU say you're not union man, Tush.
Redface. you make me tired
What's started you OF this line, any
hOw2' demanded Redface.
An item in the paper about John
said the Kuocker That