The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-11-30
HUMOR OF THE DAY

HUMOR OF THE Day
The .proverb. says that you can't eat
your cake and have your cake, but the
dyspeptic knows better.-Somerville Jour
nal.
why don't you try to make yourself
solid with the masses2"
well" said Senator Sorghum. my con
stituents are peculiar. They like plenty
OF treating and speech-maxing. They do
not care for solid candidates. They want
EN- liquid or gaseous. w ashington
The crazy vehicle went humping over
the uneven pavement
This is enough to drive a man %
drink grOaned the passenger inside
Yessir," said the cab driver. Most OF
the fellers that hires, it thinks it's good
enough for that. Any p'ticuIar place you
was Wishin' to stop at right now, air7''--
Chicago Tribune.
Father" asked the youth. what is
your understanding of the saying; 'Ths
race is not always to the swift p
Practically. my SON. replied the wise
father, 1T means that in the race of lie
ahead philadelphia Catholic Standard.
Dolly (spitefully)-I didn't see you at
the Van Lottado's ball.
Polly (sWeetly)-I suppose not There
was such crowd of men around me-
Cleveland Leader.
I'm going south for the winter" said
Cholly Rakeley- Expect to be in Flor
yes remarked Knox. "all the others
start for the south about this time"
wild geese; philadelphia Press.
There was a slight gale and some talk
Of shipwreck.
straight fronts to the mermaids''
mo chance for business for me. how
ever" declared the cOrpulenl drummer.
why not?"
IT sell sIippers.''-Houston Chronicle
when man axes yoh advice" said
Uncle Eben. hes generally givln' you
one guess to find out what he's bout
made up his mind to do."-W as htnstcn
Star.
Mrs. style-I want hat. but # must Be
hopman-Kindiy take chair, madam.
just changing DISQUALIFICATION Star
Mrs oldblood-They put ''Fzic facet On
his tomb
did drink. there was no need OF limiting Il
so plainly.-New York Sun
Mr. LingerIong Cooking at the clock)-
I dare say it's time for me to 90.
MISS Tarturn-StilI, it oughtn't to take
much courage to say that ought it7-Chi-
cago Tribune
mo" said the gossip. the divorce case
Of Mr.. and Mrs SwellTnan has not been
finally decided yet there's some hitch In
YES" replied Cutting; II suppose it's
over the question as to who IS to have
the custody Of the pug dog. '-Philadei-
phia Catholic Standard
There isn't much difference between the
two sexes When q woman meets a friend
they gossip, and when a man meets a
friend they 90 SIP tow ashlng1on POST
Mrs Lnshman-1Iy husband has given
me the $50 bonnet I wanted
Mrs. Yerner-Ry! Hes awfully indul-
Mrs. Lushman-He usually is indulssns
after he's been indulging. He didn't get
home until 3 o'clock this morning--Phil-
adelphia Press.
women don't have logical minds said
They don't need them II they're as
lucky as I am" said his wife sWeety-
''Yeu see, I have you think for ne -
Detroit Free Press.
sT would propose to you, but fear the
effects of the excitement. When I am eN-
cited my heart beats so family that It is
scarcely noticeable"
''Weli, you know what the provers
what proverb?"
Faint heart never won Iair lazy -
Cleveland Plain Dealer
You are an ANGER the young man de-
s'Nonsense.'' retorted the devout high
church damsel DO you know that the
foremost religious dignitaries have de-
cided that there are no angels OF the te-
male sex2''-Pittsburg Post
Now. Lester" said the Old Codger. i'd
dressing his ealloH nephew in an admoni-
g
pay the fiddler as It is to HQuidate any
other debt but it's a dunn fine exhibition
of extry width betWixt the eyes TO in
quire the hddler's price before the dance
begins. Puck.
My exclaimed the sociable old lady
on the street. What cunning little ba-
by Your little brother or sister,
the little nurse. Pop ana mons stiu
scrappin' over name fur it-"-Detroit
Free Press.
They say he's a professional horse
Must bel notice he's always broke
Exchange.
what do they call this grand opera
~ sBecause it's such a grandstsnd play. 7
suppose Exchange
you actors make long jumps some
I've! ..Yes1es specially when we jump board
bill Exchange
aren't you ashamed Of yourself7'' said
the biushing girl to the strange man in
the seat alongside of her, as the train
came out of the tunnel.
mo. I'm not, Miss. replied the mans
you see. I'm trolley car conductor.
and I'm used to squeezing people in the
cars Exchange
Redd-yvhere's your brother now
CSreene-He's of travelling with tbs foot
Redd~I didn't know he followed foot
baIl2
Csreene-Why. he gets bigger money
than any man on the team
Redd-VQ hats his pOsitiOn7
Csreene-He.s the surgeon.-Xonksra
Statesman
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