West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1905-01-19
ARIZONA KICkLETs.
Editorial Life In the West Is Never Dull
Nor Wanting In Variety.

N"y W - AeNN NtA RAA nat " W
There will be no fall boom in Givadam
Guleh this year, but six more saloons will be
quietly run up and finished off to aceommo-
date the increasing business.
Old Jim IIewson, who has jus, returned
from New Mexico, witnessed three lynch
ings while gone, and he says they were all
bungles compared to our artistic way.
Old Joe Wheeler claims TO have seen
silver tipped bear near SAILOR Creek last
Sunday. II he is telling the truth, then he
struck something at last he couldn't ask to
buy him a drink of whiskey or lend him a
quarter.
The vigilance committee over at Lone
Jack seems to need an instructor. It has
hung one man three differen, times. and
yet he is walking around today in good
health aud declaring tina, he has come to
town to stay
We understand that certain parties in this
town have written the Postmaster General
that we play poker Yes, we do, but we
play it as editor and no, as postmaster and
would like to sit down in game with p. NJ.
G.. himself, il he's inclined that way.
II the party who threw a rock through
our bedroom window in the pos,office the
other night will call and repeat the perfor-
nance, we will requite him as he deserves.
II happened that We were a few seconds
slow in getting out of bed that night.
The city treasurer of Lone Jack has fed
the country, ard his books show that he is
defau,er TO the amount Of 81 81. This
looks like small sum, but it was all the
public money the town had, and the treas
urer was in a hurry to reach locality where
they put ice on mint juleps.
The little scrap between our fighting dog
Jim and cur from Rose Hill, which took
place at the rink Wednesday night, as adj
veriised, put $50 more in our pocket toward
the project of bringing out Daily Kicker
next year. We own the dog as an individual
and not as an editor, mayor, postmaster or
State Senator.
We beg pardon of our readers for neg
Letting to say word last week that our cir
culation is now three times as great as all
other newspapers in the known world put
together, and that our advertising has gone
up from two lines to 1000 columns. This
proves that real merit and genius are always
Literally rewarded.
In going home drunk the other night
Captain Cahoon fell over a mule lying down
in the street and thought he was attacked by
a highwayman. The captain pulled his
guns and fred twelve shots at random, but
the only damage done was bullet in his
left foot We have often advised him to do
his shooting with a crowbar.
If any one is curious to know why I. b.
Williams LETT town last Sunday night with
his legs working like piston rods and his
hair on the curl, we can explain as secretary
of the vigilance committee we had given him
warning to skip or dangle. lie decided TO
skip, and has probably reached Utah by this
time. was little too stiff as a-brag-
CART and deadbeat.
We have received from the hands of the
publisher book entitled "Why She Lost
Him." As near as we can get at il, she
lost him because she invited him to her home
and her old dad skinned him at poker, and
we see no use of publishing a book to bring
out little Circumstance like that. II hap
pens every night in the year and the old
man has a good thing of H.
Whenever the Kicker wrongs any one by
a MEASUREMENT, 1t is always ready to apollo
gize. Last week we stated tina, John Hope,
our enierprising grocer was a fugitive from
justice from Ohio. Mr. Hope has shown
us papers TO prove that he was sent to Jail
in the Buckeye State, served his time to the
last day, and we therefore apologize and
commend him to the good wishes of all.
From aud after this issue we shall make
no further weather predictions until Juiy /
It's got so that we can't untangle fair weather
from thunder and hail storms, and rather
than lose our reputation entirely we will
let 60 Of things for awhile We don't
blame Judge Oldham for shooting at us the
other day. Our prediction Of gentle winds
turned out to be a hurricane that uprooled
his orchard.
Our las, issue contained a selection Of
seventeen murders compiled from various
sources, and yet Col. Morton has ordered us
to stop his copy on the ground that the
Kicker has become too Sunday schoolsh.
The Colonel is nice man, and we'd like
to keep him on our list, but lac mustn't ex-
Peet too much Of a good thing We've got
to run in new balloon aud railroad acct
dents for the benefit Of our readers.
We took little trip among the shys,er
lawyers the other day and arranged that
they dismiss libel suits against as amounting
TO 100000. Some Of them werea lille
reluctant al first, but look down thc nuz
zle Of gun they came down and made the
best Of II. Suits aggregadn6 szooo. 600
have been instituted against us during the
last eight years, but our industry has pre-.
vented a single one Of them from coming to
trial.
Some one hes sent MS Ivy mail Kuklux
nolice-skull crossbones and all--warning
us TO get ont Of arizona within thirty days
or take the consequence. We don't pro-
pose 90 leave This balmy country for many
years 20 come, and wen bet TOTO that
We add that chap's carcass to the thirteen
others sleeping in our private editorial
guveyafd. We are uo bulzaw. but The
man Who monkey with us has got ,l Boz
chain lightning 10 keep his health.
The Real Estate Man.