Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1905-04-08
HE WANTED REAL FOOD

(which I take occasion here and now to
state" said the man In the hotel cafe, who
was surrounded by three Of his pals. and
who was himself rapidly surrounding large.
thick steak, with mushroom trimmings, and
chicken liver fricasse on the side, and the
contents of large, perspiring bot. and
other carnal things, that the man who
isn't it In his own plant, and who is too
much of terrapin to have word or so to
say in the bosom of his own family, isn't
worth Costa Rican dime, and the same is
no phantasy born of poppy nor mandragora
nor any of the other drowsy syrups of the
east.
I've earned this feed. I've put in ten
days earning it. My wife may connect with
the idea that really-and-truly, sure
enough live man of this era and epoch can
slide along on diet of Shelley and stewed
carrots but I'll be wubbly- dubbed If the
ideas going to stick with me-
What dye s'pose the yap's talking
about?" inquired the mans three pals, look
ing at each other queerly
stick with me, now or ever again.
want TO De coarse and clayey and carnal.
l want to shoulder my white mans burden
along the common clay path. 1 don't want
to inspect the stars while I stumble over
the clods, as she puts 1t, although I've only
| gauzy idea of what that means. 1 don't
hunting for the pipe frances of the aesthetic.
l haven't lost any connections of the IL
limitable that l am going to hunt for. /
| just want to go along like the ordinary hui
man biped. getting the civilized vittles that
are provided for me IL l hustle to pay for
them, and"
Grip said his friends, continuing to
| look at each other queerly. Must be grip
that ails him."
Not on your natural is 1t grip" said the
| man with the three-inch steak and things
in front of him. But 1 must have had
grip, or something worse in its effect upon
the mentality, when my wife sprung this
vegetarian thing upon me about ten days
ago. She's been limiting around about 1t
for some time-ever since she got mixed
up with that See-saw- phical Society. or
what-d ye-call-it, with the joss at the spir-
itual head of it-but 1 never quite got wise
to what it was all about.
But on this particular morning she took
advantage of the Newfoundland puppy
good nature 1 was exhibiting over having
done good bit of business in the day be-
fore, and she unwound this vegetarian. coil
for keeps.
I'D just got on the outside of good
breakfast, and so 1 didn't feel like I'd ever
care to have another square meal. Well,
anyhow, she got me to promise to do a
ten-day trick of vegetarianism. She said
1t would not only make me feel like a four
time winner physically don't believe she
used that exact phrase-but that the dele
ton of animal foods from my diet would
would give me whole lot of inside glimpses
into upper atmosphere games of which or
binary fiesh-eating folks knew nothing what
ever
"She said l stood an odds-on show even
to become mahatum or mahatma. or
some old thing like that-those ducks in
India that sit in caves, with about sew
enty-two grains of hop in them all the
time, thinking huge thinks.
'She said that by sticking to vegetarian
ism all of my clayey, earth-earthly aspira-
lions would slough off and drop away like
so much dross, and that I'd get so that d
be able to see through a thick wall with
| one hand tied behind my back. 1t seems,
understand, that folks who eat animal
food-chops and steaks and birds and roasts
are the ordinariest kind of dubs, who
don't possess the spiritual light of angle
worms, and all that.
| We'll, as 1 say, 1 was doing a good
natured stunt at the time, and l prom
Used her that | would, Just to please her,
turn a ten-day trick of VegetarianiSm. l
told her that l was perhaps too common
and thick-headed a man to get next to the
meaning of all of her tributes to vegetarian
ism, but that if she wanted me to, I'd just
hit up vegetarianism for ten days, to give
her a chance to prove her theories.
Say, it was right then that l must have
had the grip microbe in the back of my
head. Are you fellows aware that I've been
on the brink of horrible crimes ever since
I started that vegetarian game going, ten
days ago? I've been in restaurants, chew
ing fr1eQ egg plant out Oh cOIt storage anu
lyonnaise potatoes, and longing for some
| thing to eat, when fellows would drop in
that knew and sit down at the same table
| with me, and proceed to eat lamb chops and
bacon and eggs and big, juicy cuts of roast
beef and young lamb with mint sauce
well, none of 'em knew how near he was
| to death.
II got along on the vegetable diet all right
on the first day. My wife had nice little
| fx-up of fried and roasted and broiled
| vegetables for dinner the first day, and, as
| it was one of those unreasonable hot days
that uShered in the spring, l dldnt particu-
! larly want any meat.
Next morning, though, I was pretty
nippy when there was nothing but some
| kind o. breakfast food and baked tomatoes
| on the table for breakfast, and l sort of
looked around for the chops, or something.
| MY wife looked at me so disapprovingly,
| however, that l remembered l was up
| against ten-day vegetarian whirl, and l
ate what she gave me and made no howl.
| 1 make it a point not to go back on any
compact make with my wife, and SO l did
a milk and pie stunt for luncheon that day.
For dinner my wife had Observation-Disclosures
ed potatoes, canned Lima beans, SteWed
carrots and celery salad.
WELL said l then, not knocking your
little idea, my dear, but bit of rare roast
beef would be about right with this,
The animals are our brothers of the
field she told me, and they should be
permitted to live their lives
Il didn ask ner Wnere L cut IN on tnal
proposition, having resolved to abide by
the agreement, but l know that she didn t
get much amusing conversation out Of me
at that meal nor has she since.
Hungry! Say, on the third day out 1
could have eaten Mexican burro stuffed
with Roman candles I've eaten tons of
this vegetable stuff, and all coiors and
kinds of bread and breakfast food, and 1
haven't yet broken away from table
loaded down that way that l Didn't banker
for a meal of vittles
II wanted to get a case of beer to sort of
keep me going one evening, and asked my
wife if beer was cut out of the vegetarian
plan. She said that 1t was-that It's heating
qualities destroyed the spiritual effect Of
the vegetarian diet
"Uh-huh. Well, my ten-day trick was up
this morning. l didn't eat breakfast at
home but l came down town and got half
a dozen of the cutest little pork chops you
ever looked at, and a kidney saute, and
then some ham on the side. That was only
three hours ago, and now I'm getting busy
again. I'll have about seven pounds of
roast beef about three hours from now.
There's no use in talking, I'm just COM
mon and onnery, that's all, and-here,
waiter, bring me another steak just like
that last one"
Awav From the Present Tense