Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1905-08-29
xxx.
A Letter From the Dead.
c living alone at the Willard.

I was living alone at the Willard.
Soon after the death of Burbank's wife,
his sister and brother-in-law, the Gracies,
had come with their three children to live
with him and to look after his boy and girl
Trouble between his family and mine, orig
mating In some impertnences of the Oldest
Oracle girl, spread from the children to
the grown people until, when he went into
the White House, he and l were the only
two on speaking terms. / see now that this
situation had large influence on me in hold
ing aloof and waiting always for overtures
from him. At the time 1 thought, as no
doubt he thought also, that the quarrel was
beneath the notice of men.
At any rate, my family decided not to
come to Washington during his first winter
in the White House. l lived alone at the
Willard. One afternoon toward the end or
February l returned there from the Senate
and found Woodruff, bad news in his face.
What is it, | asked, indfferently, for 1
assumed it was some political tangle.
Your wife-was taken-very ill-very
suddenly" he said. His eyes told me the
rest.
If had ever asked myself how this news
would affect me, should have answered
that it would give me sensation of relief.
But, instead of relief, ] felt the stunning
blow of a wave of sorrow which has never
wholly receded. Not because l loved her
that l never did. Not because she was the
mother of my chldren-my likes and dis
likes are direct and personal. Not because
she was my wife-that bond had been gall
ing Not because l was fond of her-she
had one of those cold, angry natures that
forbid affection. No; l was overwhelmed
because she and had been intimates, with
all the closest interests of life in common.
with the whole world even my children
whom 1 loved passionately, outside that cir
Gle which fate had drawn around us two. 1
imagine this is not uncommon among mar
lad 10 hic hoe a
routine Of association when one departs
No doubt it often passes with the unthink-
Ing for love belatedly discovered.
.She did not suffer- said Woodruff gent
ly 1T was heart disease. She had just
come in from ride with your oldest daugh-
ter. They were resting and talking in high
spirits by the library fire And then-the
end came-like putting out the light
Heart diseased Often l had noted the ir-
regular beat of her heart-a throb, long
pause, a flutter a short pause, a throb.
And / could remember that more than once
the sound had been followed by the shad-
owy appearance, in the door of my mind,
of one of those black thoughts which try
to tempt hope, but only make 1t hide in
shame and dread. Now, the memory OF
those occasions tormented me into accusing
myself of having wished her gone. But IL
was not so.
She had told me she had heart trouble;
but she had confided to no one that she
knew it might bring on the end at any mo-
ed to me:
Harvey
l shall never have the courage to tell
you, yet feel you ought to know. think
every one attributes to every one else less
shreWdneSs than he possesses. l know you
have never given credit of seeing that
you did not love me. And you were so kind
and considerate and SO patient with my
moods that no doubt l should have been
deceived had 1 not known what love is.
think to have loved and to have been loved
develops in woman a sort of sixth sense
seEsitiveness to love. And that had been
developed in me, and when it never re-
sronded to your efforts to deceive me, l
knew you did not love me-
Well, neither did l love you. though l
was able to hide it from you. And it has
often irritated me that you were so unob-
servant You know now the cause of many
OF my difficult moods, which have seemed
causeless.
1 admired you from the first time we met
l have liked you, 1 have been proud of you,
would not have been the wife of any other
man in the world, would not have had any
other father for my children. But / have
kept on loving the man loved before met
you.
Why? I don't know. I despised him for
his weaknesses 1 should never have mar
ried him, though mother and Ed. both
feared 1 would. think loved him because
l knew he loved me. That is the way it is
with women-they seldom love independent
ly. Men like to love; women like to be
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really love, | think it's seldom that they're