The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1905-03-08

tail unu walks away nit it. For feefty
dollars l buys a Il figure of Napo
leon crossing the Alps. He vhas climb
ing up NIT his feet und waving Il flag
in his hand, und it gifts me great pleas
ure dot all der people praise him. More
ash one t'ousand persons vlas delight
ell When Il young man NIT Il black eye
comes In und limps aroundt and splits
oafer his shoulder und says:
"'Vhell, l don't belief you hat sooch
check till l see him. How dare you
make me oop like dot und call me Ma
poleon?'
"'My frendt, don't you know some
t'ings" says I. Dot figure vhas der
great Napoleon. und he vhas walking
oafer some mountains. Don't you nef-
fer hear Of NapoleonT
"'Netfcr in all my life. Dot vhas
my hair und eyes und body. If you
don't give me feefty dollars shall
make him tired
II splleak NIT dot man more ash ten
minutes, bnt he gets madden all der
time. by und by he shumps in NIT a
right hand swing und knocks dot Ma
polcon all to pieces. und he also kicks
me three times before he goes out. No.
pody finds Napoleon in my place any
more. l fix him oop ash well ash l
can und mark him, Der Tomb of
Shakespeare II somcpody comes in
und claims he vhas der tomb himself
l can't help it und shall call on der no
lice to put him oudt.
"I|Ot Was badt for me, Hans, but
two weeks ago II man makes me der
figure Of Queen Elizabeth, und she vl,as
so grand dot ea%fcrybody vhas full of
praise. Three days ago Il man comes
in my place und secs dot figure und
says:
"'Who vhas dot Old girl in der cor
ner, ch?'
"'She vlas Queen Elizabeth
"'Vhas she deadtY
"'Of course
allow long vhas she dcadt. eh?'
"'Morc ash Il hOOncrcd years.
81 can't belief dot he says. If she
vllas dcadt one hooncred years. Why
does she tlirt nit me? Don't o see
her wink her eyes? | guess l go oafer
und talk to her.
II beg him to keep AWAY, but he
goes oafcr u!u lifts dot Queen Eliza
beth oop und dances her aroulnlt dot
museum. nnd pooty qucek her head
und arms und legs fall off und she
vhas in ten pieces. | haf no more
queens in my place. | fix dot one oop
nn} call hnI s1lnt Eishnrtn,n'. INn,,,O,
ter but der pOoblic vllas not deceived.
lind how vhls it ahordt my police
mans: Listen to me, now, Hans. For
fcrfty dollars a man says he shall make
me SOOch Il WAX policeman ash nctfcr
vhas before, und | gif him der Job. |
put dot figgcr in der middle of der mu-
scum. unl he vlas 50 lifelike dot l al
most ask him to 60 oudt und hat some
Deer. In two days Il Teller comes in und
looks around und says:
81 vhns like Il lamb if somebody
don't fool nit me. but if dot cop tries
to run me in he vhas paralyzed forever
more. You shust gif linn a pointer not
to take mo for a spring chicken
81 laugh ut him und explain dot it
vhas only Il wax figure, but he walks
und gets mad und says:
"'Nh"ll, | don't like his looks, uli |
vhas down on der whole gang. l Will
shuSt gif him IL little token to remem-
Der me by
"Cnd what you belief he did. Hans?
BY golly. but he puts oop his hands
lnd shumps in und hits dot tiggcr on
der jaw und lays him Oudt. He vhas
going to walk on him when l buys him
OFF for Il dollar. Dot policemans vhas
too lifelike. und so l fix him oafer NIT
his eyes shut. Dot next day der fat po-