Kingsbury County independent. (DeSmet, Kingsbury County, S.D.) 1894-1929, 1905-04-28
WHEN HE B~ACKSLIDES

Washington Star: The fat man In
the chair car of a train that left New
York on Monday afternoon last felt
of his brow tentatively, gazed dismally
out OF. the car window. and then made
his moan to a Washington friend who
happened to be going oye to New
York at the same time.
II dom believe that I've been so
kyairy. VARY good as 1 intended TO be
when | left New York for Washington
10 spend the holidays" said the adipose
man. sorrowfully, land / am SO glad
that | am now on my way back TO that
SLOW little town over at the end of this
line where | ann now living-New York.
Mine is a sad, sad story, with muted
harpchords coming from the wings. |
wonder Why IL is hat every time |
come down to Washington for the holi-
days, or for any old thing, | always go
up in the air."
You remember how many years /
lived in Washington, don't YOU And
you recall, of course, that when l lived
here | used TO cut along at a $40 fiat
clip most of the time, and that | par
took of more and different kinds OF
suds. so to speak. than any real ba-ad
Washington person who's now alive
and above the ground that, in short.
! used 10 have il figured out, when I
lived in Washington, that every day
was Decoration day and that | was es-
pecially singled out and appointed as
the main decorator?
".All right. That's the way il was
with me before L left Washington for
New York.
Now. by some peculiar sort of kink
of contrariness in my makeup, as soon
as / left Washington TO live in New
York, and started in TO mingle With
the simple pastoral life that prevails
around the cornor of Broadway and
Forty-second street, | became good.
That's the only name for it-good.
II cut out the old game of rough
housing myself with damp articles
served in tall crystal goblets and set
tied down to probity, peace and do
mesticity. Stayed home in the fiat
nearly every night and played casino
and t~iddledywinks with my wife.
Strung up the old violin and began -
practice where I'd left off about twenty
years go. Got to going round with
my wife to progressive euchre blow
outs, where they had frankfurters,
stuffed olives. potato salad, coffee and
things ! k that, and got so's | enjoyed
that game.
You needn't grin. Fact. When Il
took my wife to the theater we'd scoot
home TO the fiat and regale ourselves
on the l~eft-overs in the icebox, and L
wouldn't have any idea OF repairing to
a garish downtown feed-plant and
p~artaking of a light reflection consist
ing OF fourteen gin izzes and a tongue
sandwich, like i used 10 when / was
down here in Washington.
Well, I've come down to Washington
just four times since l began to be
good in New York, and one of my main
purposes in coming down has always
been to show 'em, that's all. I've al
ways said to myself, in starting out
i just prove to that bunch of Indians
down there that there's one large. cum
berson person who knows when he's
had enough of sprawling around and
making a jay of himself-that there's
one members of the capital tribe OF
paint slappers who's imbibed enough
bottles of the beverage known as Get
neXt-to-yourself to fetch him around.
And If any OF 'em asks me to line up
n be sociable, I'll just hand him a
chilling smile and remark in "A quiet
kind of way that there's nothing doing
that I've left off all that sort of inn
becility years ago. And then he'll
stand back and regard me carefully.
and congratulate me, and pat me on the
back, and tell me that I'm all right, and
then hell go and pass the word around
among the bunch about what a virtu-
Gus citizen of the republic I've become
since l got away from Washington, and
so on.
That's the way I've always had 1t
doped out when stepping on the var
nished car for Washington over yonder
in Jersey City"
Here the adipose man again felt or
his head in a reflective sort OF way,
as IL in some doubt as to whether ii
was really attached to his shoulders or
not, and resumed, sepulchrally.
We'll, look me over, that's all. And
I've been returning to New York the
same way, every time I've been down,
the whole -four times. Never could
seem to make my little plan stick down
here at all. Always got mixed up with
a few of he old crowd fifteen or twen-
ty minutes after stepping off the train,
and from then on until ! was due, and
overdue to waltz back to New York, IL
'ud be one shadowy. twirly- whirly, in
and-out-of-cab-sy dream. And before
I'd manag to break away I'd have met
up with everybody / ever knew in
Washington, and they'd all take deep.
indrawn breaths and mutter to each
other, Same OH roaring Cherokee off
the reservation, isn't he?' and they'd
follow that up by remarking, Well,
. - q y hONPlla6 liz Bdllt
a-humming over yonder in the big
town, hey? and all that.
Say, wouldn't 1t all make a fellow
feel like working on the break water?
Wsuldn't it?
There's no use in my coming down
here any more. Even IL / happened to
come down and be good for once, they'd
look upon 1t as merely a temporary
mental alteration, and it wouldn't
60"
The adipose man tottered to his feet
and went to the ice cooler, where he
gulped down seven goblets Of ice wa
ter in rapid succession. Then he re-
sumed his chair and sighed heavily az
he pulled his travelling cap over his
eyes for a wink of sleep.
Won't be glad to get back to slow
little old New York and be good again."
he muttered, and / wont do a thing
to some tea and toast when / get back
TO my New York fiat, will II"
Then the fatigued stout man. who
had SO dismally misrepresented himself
and his New York acquired goodness
on his last Washington visit, folded his
arms and slumbered uneasily while his
Washington friend in the opposite
chair went right on grinning.