Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1905-08-07
1t Affects All the Govern
ment Departments.
AMATEUR DETECTIVES
AND TALE BEARERS ARE IN
EVERY DIVISION.
They Try to Pull Down the Standing
of Their Fellow Clerks and Make
Things Uncomfortable.

o
bearer, the bootlicker and the toekisser
and members of these honored and an
cient professions who are scattered
throughout the various government de-
partments in Washington are working
over time.
1t is hard for the unlnitiated to Imagine
the deplorable state of affairs that exists
In the government service in Washing
ton as result Of the big crop of assorted
scandals that Is being harvested by the
government investigators Doubt and
suspicion stroll hand in hand through the
corridors of almost every one of Uncle
Sans Office buildings in the national capt.
tai; charges and allegations of all sorts
descend apparently from the smiling skies
at frequent and irregular Intervals and
upon the innocent and the guilty alike.
and every mans hand is raised against
his neighbor.
Secretary Wilson's Share of Trouble.
Conditions are probably no worse In the
Agricultural Department than elsewhere.
although Secretary Wilson has had more
than his share of troubles of late and
even in the Post Office Department which
was subjected to a thorough houseclean-
Ing only two summers ago affairs are not
ging
"a OI
born of graft detected and graft undis-
covered. of the real and the reflected has
swept through the government service,
root and branch. High officials WORRY In
their private Offices subordinates shake
II their boots, the members of the rank
ana ME shiver at their desks. The unde-
.ecteo guilty are worried. the nervous
Ihhocents are fearful, the honest indie
pendents are Disguised. Hardly 4, bureau
but has its official ta1ebearer; scarcely a
division but has it's bootIicker
Ihere appears to be but little excusa
Tor such a state of affairs. On past per
1ormances the government would seem m
Pc pe 100 100 ienient, If anything, with its UNI
FAITHFUL servants. Certainly Injustice does
not stalk abroad-even in these parlous
times of scandal and fraud of dismissaI.
ana indictments, and sensations and dis
eoVerles-to lay hands upon the Innocent
and disconnect the private pocket from
the public purse.
The Amateur Detectives.
But there can be found a humorous side
IN almost every situation-if the eve be
Keen and the ear sensitive-and the present
state OF affairs In the government depart
ments Is no exception to the rule With the
wave of scandal-hysteria great army of
amateur detectives has volunteered, and
knowledge of their operations should |
wrinkle the lips of the unsmiIing Snhynv
Young "Old Sleuths," embryo PInkerfons
relncarnated Nick Carters'-sans commits |
sion, sans shield sans everything save in |
tent-follow daily and tirelessly the train of
me great King Graft. There is prying and
prodding' nosing and knocking. Enemies
ar pnns giare; friends cling close. acquaint
ances sheer off The love of graft the fear
OF graft. the knowledge of graft, lies near
the heart If not on the tongue.
ne, rae hysterla of scandal discovered and
penang, has swept alike over the young and
the old. Ancient mossbacks self-clothed
with the authority of long servitude deep
a1 .he Tut OF automatic routine, peer, dim
eyed into the hooks and crannies of the |
possibilities of graft Young civil service |
prooucts, alert. keen. Drained. ambitious. |
search for the source of graft
Rubber shoes are fashionable department |
1ootgear nowadays masks are worn by |
those who never donned them heretofore |
There Is shopping and sneaking, pickering |
ana packbiting, tittling and tattling. The |
boot-licking specialist is popular for the |
nonce and the talebearer has come into |
his own.
One Clerks Views.
Only the other day a well-known resident |
OF Washington. who holds a somewhat re- |
sponsible clerkshp in one of the govern
ment departments. but whose language has |
never been confined by any considerable |
amount of red tape, was talking with |
Star man about this condition of affairs |
and his views on the subject are worth re- |
cording.
Il have been touching Uncle Sam for |
cigarette money for quite span of years" |
said this clerk earnestly. and can frank |
ly say never saw affairs in the govern |
ment departments in such shape as they |
are at the present time. Every mossback |
in the service with a little more authority |
than the rest Of the herd is traispseing |
around in rubber shoes trying to pick UP a |
little evidence on the side that might help |
10 send some of his subordinates and asso- |
eiates to jail And there are quite a few
of the younger generation of rut-specialists
who have constituted themselves volunteer
Hawkshaws and who are making the lives
of their colleagues miserable.
why 1t only the other day that L
was sitting at my desk writing checks for
few of my numerous monthly bills, when
noticed the assistant chief of my division,
ancient servitor who has been in har-
ness for about hundred years. and who
never had sense enough to pound sand in d
sugar factory, noseing around in my rear
/ thought / could figure out his game, and
when l had hitched my signature to a few
more pay slips l got up from my desk
leaving the whole business on my blotter.
and drifted out into the hall.
Frying Into Private Affairs.
ut wasn't minute later when that as
sistant chicf-and he always claimed to be
a friend Of mine, too-had stepped up to
my desk and was boring his eye into my
private affairs far as he could. He
wasn't evenly decently embarrassed either
when l slipped up behind him and gave
him gentle jolt in the ribs intima-
ton that he might along without
| hurting my feelings.
These are scandalous times he remark
ed with sour grin. land old fellows like
me have to keep an eye on what's going
on"
We've got plenty OF the tale-bsaring and
toe-kissing kind up our way, too" con-
tinued the clerk in a Disguised tone. rive
had my eye on one of them for a long time
although he hasn't known II. He's one of
| these agreeable chaps. pleasant and frank |
and always willing TO listen to personal
| "reminiscences of jags and junkets and al
ways inquiring about little matters in the
| daily grind He's willing at all times to
| hear you talk about other clerks in the
Office, and urges you along TO cuss out the
assistant chiefs. the chief and the big boss
| 1t was this little characteristic. plus a few
other things. that put me wise to him. And
when did tumble / good and hot, al
| though didn't let on. But the next time
he came around for his daily grist of gossip
handed out line of conversation that
would have made your hair curl, Accord
| Ing to my own statements / hadn't been
sober for week and was on the toboggan
| for gutter slide, dashed to the runner
Well sir YOU can believe me or not but
1t wasn't forty-eight hours before 1 was
hauled up before the big boss and threat