Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1905-08-06


marked the sandy-complected per-
son. as the Chevy Chase car pulled
~ out from the lake the other morn
Ing. I've got all yonr mothers
congress anecdotes beat to fragile.
There's tall cumbersome gentleman w.
in out my way that's been a-s.ruttin'
around of late with his chest pulled out
so far he looked like pouter pigeon, and
just because he Is the father of four
weeks-old infant of the masculine gender.
If you listen to his line of exaggeratve con-
veIsation for three minutes you'd think that
baby of his was the first one ever born IN
the world. He thinks he is an odds-on ia
vorite in the paternal sweepstakes, and he's
always buttin into the discuss on with
some lurid tale concerning this diminutive
son and heir.
II was comm out on the car with him
yesterday afternoon and asked him what
he was carryin' in a very suspicious-looking
bundle
with his nose pontin through the skylight
and his chest bumpin' on the back of the
seat in front of us. Il like to see the lad
amuse himself.
"Well. sir, wouldn't that kind of talk
make the curl come out of your back hair:
l allowed to him as his son must be some
thing of an infant to be shootin air ri1es
and rollin' hoops with only four weeks eX-
istence to his credit, but he pulled up some
more until the conductor had to come along
and charge him two fares. That was yes
terday afternoon, and last night puts on
my Sunday-go-to-meetin' toys and mean
ders around his way.
How are you? yells he from the front
piazza. Come up and shake hands with my
son. So moseys up and rubbers around,
half expectin' to see the prodigy or North
Chevy Chase playin' tennis on the tennis
court. Well. sir, he took me over to a
basket under a tree. and, says he, what 90
you think of that?
Now, If he hadn't a-talked SO much about
that baby 1 would a-been agreeably sur
prised. because the youngster is dom fine,
consderin the length of time he has been
on earth. But l expected to see somethin
three feet high, diked out In overalls and
carryin a pick over his shoulder. To tell
the truth l was disappointed That baby
amt bit different from what my two boys
used to be at his age.
Il sat around for a few minutes and
along come some of his kinfolks and the
tall cumbersome gent strutted few ana
emitted the same line of conversation with
which he had entertained me that AFTER
noon. 1t was a weary half hour for me, but
l hung on to await developments, as over
heard the prodigy's mother say it was time
the son and heir was in bed. mere Is al
ways somethn' dom when the four-weeks-
old first born is put to bed by its fond
parents l know because l have been there
myself.
thlnk III put Bill 10 Dtu, says 'itI
mother. Now, Bill amt the boys name at
all seem as he is named after his chesty
dad, but the dads name is sort O hlgh-
falutin' and nobody could apply 1t to the
infant and keep straight face at the same
time. SO everybody calls him Bill, for
short Well, sir, when the little mother
says she would put the boy TO ped, up
jumps the young fathers mother-ln-iaW
mo let me put him to bed says she,
and 1 saw the fun was on. The distressin,
Alphonse and CASTOR dialogue was carried
on until the mother-in-law gave up IN de-
spair The tall cumbersome gent and ms
wife waltzed off. the former carryll tne
prodigy under his arm. The prodigy has
a fine pair of lungs, and as soon as the
caravan started for the bed he loosencd up
and-well you couldn't hear the electro car
when 1t went by the front gate. The noise
was somethin fearful and terrific
THE proud father deposited his burden and
came ba ok to the lawn, where the conversa-
ton turned 10 babies and the methods OF
bringing them up. 1t was a married folks
party, and everybody spoke from expert
ence including the proud father The prool-
sy kept up the howl for a quarter OF an
hour and finally the mother-ln-laW sneaked
away from the bunch and liked up the
stairs The mother came down drippin with
perspiration and tired to death. The moth-
er-in-law experimental a few, but still the
noise emanated from the second-story WIN
dow.
I'm the only one of the family what can
make that kid stop cryin," says he All
have 30 do is to look at him sternly and say,
.pesist my son, desist." That's all there IS
to it. He closes his lamps and takes the
through express to the land of nod. But
the women folks, they think they know 1t
all, so 1 let them poster with him every
evening for awhile, and then l go up and
put him to sleep. l think fathers influence
over son is paramount.
well, sir, the rest of us discontinued the
lie+n t1Iy he
mother-in-law yelled for help, and the proud
father chased himself up to the rescue.
Quiet reigned down on the lawn, and,
strange to say quiet reigned In the bed
room. The miracle had been performed, /
thought, and the proud father had succeed
ed in making his son desist.' The silence
was broken by the mother of the prodigy.
"'What are you doing to him? she yelled.
A face was poked out of the bed room win
Why, I'm sittin' on his chest and beatin'
him in the face with a Morris chair, OF
course. What in the world did you think i
was dom to him? AS a matter of fact, l
merely turned him over on his stomach,
and every time he tries to yell he swallows
piece of the sheet, and anyways, I'm put
tin this baby to sleep, and l don't need
any help from the front lawn
II thought that was rather rough Ian
guage for the proud father to hand out, but
seems l was only guest backed down In
the shadow and was hard to find.
But you'll smother him to DEATH per-
sisted the mother.
No. | won't smother him to DEATH re-
turned the dad. Then there was silence. The
moonlight on the lawn was beautiful and
me and the kinfolks of the tall cumbersome
gent watched the black cat stalkin' across
the tall grass. You could a-heard pin drop
in a bucket of feathers. Presently there
emanated from the second-story window
long and wOeful cry, followed by more long
and woeful cries, and then the following
monoogue:
"'No. no. baby Go to sleep, baby La,
Ia la. la, Ia la, la! Then more cries by the
prodigy. Then more of the monologue. More
cries. More monoogue Meanwhile me and
the kinfolks was dom the best we could to
keep from laughing out loud. Then came an
other cry And then something like this:
"'Shut up! Shut up, tell you! I'm tired
of this Then call from the second-story
window, Mother, come up and put your
baby to Sleep.
Down on the lawn we laughed quietly in
the moonlight, and piked off home. We've
all been there before many a time, but this
morning didn't hear any more of the lurid
tales of the four-weeks-old prodigy"
So saying the sandy completed person
crossed his knees, lit his pipe and smoked
until the car reached the treasury.