The Birmingham age-herald., 1905-11-05
FAIRBANKS GAN
 NOT TELL STORY Once Made the Attempt But Failed Dismally IS NOT WITHOUT HUM0R Has Had Amusing Experiences In Pol ltics and Proved Himself Apt
 at Repartee-Some of
 Ills Traits.

One may search the public speeches of Vice President Charles w, Fairbanks In vain for illustrative stories or incidents, says the Washington Post. He was known to relate a story In a political speech but once, and the effort was so unsuc- eesxfui that he has never repeated 1t.
 It was In tho campaign of 1902. Prior to that time-ever since his entry into public life, in fact--he has refrained from storytelling. But one of his political friends on the coach line suggested that he should enliven his speech with an incident.
 He invoked the story of the efforts of an inexperienced man who tried to run locomotive out of g. roundhouse. It took him probably fifteen minutes to complete the story, and when he was through the audience seemed to be more amused at his efforts to relate the story than at the supposed point.
 Back in the audience stood one of MT. Fairbanks' friends who was noting the sfect of the speech on the audience, in tending to report to MT. Fairbanks later. As tho crowd filed out of the hall this observer heard one man remark:
 EBlrDanhS ever attempts to tciA thoe ruundhouse story again I'll assassinate htm.''
 When this remark was reported to the senator he laughed heartily and declared that henceforth he would conf1ne himself to unvarnished facts.
 Had Amusing Experience.
 Although not a story-teller, he has been the subject of many amusing incidents in the course of his campaign experiences in the Hoosier state.
 At Newcastle four years ago the local committee on reception thoughtfully placed a large brown bottle, accompanied by ice water and glasses, on the table |, in MT. Fairbanks' room at the hotel. The visitor left the collection unmolested and went on to deliver his speech.
 After the speech was over the committee accompanied him back to his hotel, while he was revolving in his mind what good joke he would have on them when he called their attention to the fact that he was a total abstainer and returned to them their donation intact. Imagine his chagrin on reaching his room to find the bottle emptied of its contents and to note unmistalSable evidence that somebody had been availing himself of the committees hospitality.
 Noting this, the chairman of the com- mittee srnilingly poked MT. Fairbanks in the ribs and remarked:
 Well, I'm pleased to see that you ap- preciate our thoughtfulness."
 MT. Fairbanks remained silent, for a denial would have been quite an embar- raising as a confession
 Made Bad Break.
 Three years ago he delivered an address at Linton, Ind, in the Second congress sional district, where Congressman Robert w. Miers was opposed by "Col." John C.. Clancy, who acquired his title from sev- eral years of service in Washington de- partmental life.
 Colonel Chaney is prematurely gray, and the orators mistake was probably ex- cusable in view of MT. Chaney's title and his prediection for martial cape, which he always wore over his overcoat. In any event, MT. Fairbanks appealed to his hearers not to turn down that grand old soldier Col. John c. Chaney," in favor of a stay-at-home democrat like Congress- man Miers.
 The boisterous demonstration which greeted this remark was very like what the politicians call the hoarse hoot. Later, MT Fairbanks learned that MT. Chaney was not old enough for service in the civil war, whereas Congressman Miers. the democrat, had actually served a brief time.
 At the next speaking point comparl- son of the military records of the candi- dates were eliminated from the speech.
 Prompt at Engagements.
 One of the vice presidents most marked traits Is his promptness in meeting en- agreements. He will get up at o'clock in the morning to fill political engage ment to speak, no matter how unimpor- tant the occasion might seem to the av- craze speaker.
 In the campaign of 1894 he had an en- gagement to speak at Princeton, Ind. The local committee had advised him that tho meeting would occur at 2 p. m.
 He took morning train for Tere Haute, but was surprised upon arriving there to find that he had missed the con- nection by a few minutes, the train for Princeton having pulled out without wait ing for connection from Indianapolis. Im- mediately there arose before his mind the vision of disappointed audience heaping maledictions upon him.
 He hurried to the Terre Haute round house and chartered an engine, at a cost of 800, to carry him to Princeton. The engineer was directed to mt on fulI