davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1905-03-04
Trying the Fast Cure

What became of that corpulent
girl used to see around here?
"Oh, she's taking the fast cure"
In a sanitarium, eh?"
mo, she married a poet
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1905-03-04
wanted-R

Wanted-Representa in every
con- munity. Money-making home bus
mess. Any one can do it. Find out
what it is. Send address. NJ. A.
Donohue & Co., Chicago.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1905-03-04

There should be q law to prohibit
weak-minded people from impersona4-
m9 real actors on tho stage.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1905-03-04
Her Farewell Tour.

First Rounder-That actress says IL
acquitted she will leave the stage.
Second Rounder-And, meanwhile.
suppose her manager is getting
ready to stage the leave.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1905-03-04
A Definition.

Little. Clarence-Pa, what is an
optimist?
Mr.. Callipers-An optimist. my son
is a person who doesn't care what
happens if it doesn't happen to him.
Puck.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1905-03-04

Hundreds of dealers say the extra
quantity and superior quality of De-
fiance Starch is fast taking place OF
all other brands. Others say they can
not sell any other starch.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1905-03-04

Don't you know that Defiance Starch
besides being absolutely superior to
any other, is put up 16 ounces in pack
age and sells at same price as IL
ounce packages of other kinds?
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1905-03-04

Many a first class kitchen mechanic
has been made over into a thirty-sec
ond class actress.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1905-03-04
Condiments Create False Appetite.


There is absolutely no food value
in mustard. pepper. ginger, capsicum
and such things, and some of them,
spiced pickles, for instance. are indi-
gestible as sawdust. But these things,
people say, have relish. Those who
have a good, healty appetite do not
feel the need of anything of that sort
for a relish
A condiment is something which
creates a false demand for food 1t
enables us to eat when we really have
no appetite. Appetite is an evidence
OF gastric juice with which to digest
food Lack of appetite is an evidence
that one is not in condition to digest
food. But condiment often produces
a false impression resembling appe-
tite. making one think that he is ready
for food when he is not 1t is, there
fore. deceiver. to be especially avoid
ed by those who have no appetite
Mustard, pepper. spices of all sorts are
enemies to health.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1905-03-04

Lewis ''Single Binder straight &c cigar.
Made of ripe, mellow tobacco, so rich in
quality that many who formerly smoked
10c cigars now smoke Lewis s'Single
Binder" Lewis Factory, Peoria, Ill.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1905-03-04

Many women sweeten their tea wit
gossip instead of sugar.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1905-03-04

Piso's Cure is the best medicine we ever used
for all affections of the throat and lungs--WM.
o. ENDsLEY. Vanbaren, Ind, Feb. TO- 1900.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1905-03-04

Storekeepers report that the extra
quantity, together with the superior
next to impossible to sell any other
brand.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1905-03-04

Many a man and woman get mar
ried and live happily ever after get
ting a divorce.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1905-03-04

Metal will rust if not used. and the
body will become diseased if not exer-
cised.--Exchange
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1905-03-04

If my next door neighbor chooses to
have his drains in such a state as to
create a poisonous atmosphere, which
L breathe at the risk of typhus or diph-
iberia, he restricts my just freedom to
live just as much as if he went about
with a pistol threatening my life
Prof Huxley.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1905-03-04

"DysPePsia Tormented Me for Years. D.
David Kennedy's Favorite Remedy cured me-" Mrs.
Q. Dougherfy, Miv1e, n j. Used % q o
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1905-03-04
Thoughtful.

Old Party-You worry your moth
er terribly. Why are you SO wicked?
Bad Boy-'Cause if I'm good she'll
worry thinkin' I'm sick.-Philadel-
phia Bulletin.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1905-03-04

Much of to-day's worry is the result
of yesterdays neglect
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1905-03-04

A cat has no use for king if there
is a mouse in sight.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1905-03-04
O @ % @ % q

Householder Yellow Dent Corn grows
like weed and yields from Isl to $50
bushels and more per acrei It's the big
gest yielder on earthi
Salzer's Speltz, Beardless Barley, Maca-
roni Wheat, Pea Dat, Billion Dollar Grass
and Earliest Cane are money makers for
you, Mr.. Farmer.
JUST SEND THIS NOTICE AND loo
IN stamps to John A. Salzer Seed Co., La
Crosse, Wis. and receive their big cata1og
and lots of farm seed samples NV. N.-U.1
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1905-03-04
Why She Was Watched.

Miss Lighted was very much adj
-aired at the wedding ceremony last
light. l noticed one gentleman who
never took his eyes OF me the whole
evening
Miss Sharpe-Did the gentleman
have a black mustache, waxed on
ends2
Yes, do you know him?''
4 know of him. He is a detective.
He was sent to watch the presents
Tit-Bits.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1905-03-04
Look at Her.

20, 1orks." groaned Mr. Parrot, ON
the left. I'D like to meet the fellow
who taught my wife to talk!"-Jester
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1905-03-04

Fooled.
Archery seems to have played
out" sighed the love-sick swain.
glancing pointedly at the maid.
20. don't know muttered Cupid.
letting go a shaft
The maiden jumped nearly six feet.
"Ah, at last Do you feel the
promptings of lover" whispered the
swain
No, 1 should say not" replied the
maid. "It was only a safety pin.''
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1905-03-04

Princess Victoria has been operated
on for appendicitis. When her papa
had the malady they called it perity-
phlitiS-
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1905-03-04
Too Short to Talk

Too Short to Talk.
Wife-John, I'd like to have a short
talk with you after breakfast.
Husband-Its no use, Mary. I'm
short myse1f-Chicago News.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1905-03-04

Might Be More Lively.
q suppose politics is pretty lively
in Kentucky, Colonel2'
~Oh, yes Still. there are quite 4
few noncombatants in both parties-"
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1905-03-04

Disproved in Scientific Fashion.
Groggy-M'dear, this room s'beashly
cold; l kin shee m breath.
Mrs. Groggy-You are entirely mis-
taken. Alcohol does not CONCEAL
The citizen. (Frederick City, Md.) 1895-1923, 1905-01-27

The soul of the craftsman can ex-
press itself more fully and clearly in
tailoring than in any other trade. If
the tailor's thoughts are poetic, he can
issue pastoralS in colors that are
charmingly suggestive of hillside or
meadow, foliage or waving grain. He
can make his overcoats speak of bleak
December, his dress suits of frolic and
festivities, his frock coats of dignity
and wealth, his getaways of self con-
tent and his sacks of strenuousness,
and lie can make his waistcoats Jingle
like limericks, his trousers sing of sun
shine or of rain and mud, his spring
suits chortle of hope and joy and his
summer suits prattle of flowers. If he
is an artist, he can make overcoat, I'M
dercoat, waistcoat or trousers seem a
SensuOus haze, revcrie in color,
riot of action or Il vigorous portrayal
of conflicting emotions in Il decimated
field of desolation, and if he is mu-
sician he can impart to his sartorial
creations an expression that suggests
the bleatng of Il lamb, the cashing of
cymbals, the rattat Of a drum. the
ragtime movement of cakewalk, the
wall Of despair. the shout of triumph,
the roar of lion or the bray of an ass
-Sartorial Art Journal.
The citizen. (Frederick City, Md.) 1895-1923, 1905-01-27
The Poison of Dishonesty.

1t is astonishing how men will play
with the poison of dishonesty, which is
so insidious at first, which intoxicates
and stimulates one. but paralyzes and
kills later. If every youth were only
taught that to be successful a man
must be greater than his occupation,
that his character must not be for sale
at any price, that he will always be
rich so long as he retains it and just in
proportion to its strength and integrity,
and weak and unhappy and a failure,
no matter how much money he may
have, just in proportion to the weak
ness of his character; if he only started
out with the conviction that only one
real failure is possible, and that is the
loss of self respect, the barter of ones
character, either for pleasure or for
money; if the youth were only taught
that he cannot afford to deceive even
little bit in the quality of goods he is
selling or in the quality of the service
he is giving, what a revolution would
come to our civiliZation!-Succ
The citizen. (Frederick City, Md.) 1895-1923, 1905-01-27


1t was Schopenhauer who said that
insensibility to noise was the surest
indication Of low and undeveloped
nervous organization, on which assump-
ton 1t is certain that we as a nation
can hardly be reckoned very far adj
vanced Certain it is that we are
more tolerant under this head than any
other nation protesting to call itself
civilized, though l fancy the Ameri-
cans run us pretty close in this respect.
Sir Arthur Sullivan was wont to COM
pose in the middle of the night because
he could never obtain quiet at any 9th
err time, and without expecting the i'm
possible or looking for legislation on a
subject which is merely Of concern to
the community at large, irrespective of
party issues, surely it is not too much
to ask that the local authorities shall
put their heads together on this matter
and exercise the powers which they
possess. Mr.. Bernard Shaw once eX-
pressed the opinion that it was the
'state aided noises" as he called them,
which were the worst offenders-as,
for example the church bells and the
military bands.-London Truth.
The citizen. (Frederick City, Md.) 1895-1923, 1905-01-27

The antiquity of man has long been
favorite subject of speculation. OF
late years the tendency has been to
drive the origin of the race farther and
farther back. Herr Schwalbe, Ger
man naturalist, who published an es-
say on the subject, regards the exist
ence of mankind in pre-glacial times
as fully established, and he is even in
clined to place man in the tertiary pc
riod. This would be homo primigen-
ius," rather near relative of "Pithe-
canthropus erectus" and some of the
more anthropoid of living apes. But
there are missing links. In this coun-
try the principal question has been
whether man was pre-glacial, and Of
his being so no Trustworthy evidence
has been found As the period of gla-
citation, when nearly the whole land
was under an ice cap, endured many
times as long as all known human
history, 1t becomes a crucial part of
the problem whether man was here be-
fore the glaciers or after. If before,
then his story stretches far back in
deed. A very small portion of the
earth and that, so far as ancient man
is concerned, not the most promising,
has yet been explored geologically.-
London Telegraph.
The citizen. (Frederick City, Md.) 1895-1923, 1905-01-27
Saved the CnrriaEe.

In his "reminiscences of an Irish
Land Agent" the author, Sam Hussey,
tells of one of the earliest private car
riages used in Kerry: The vehicle in
question had just been purchased by a
certain Miss Mullins, who regarded it
on its arrival with almost sacred ave.
A dance in the neighborhood seemed
an appropriate opportunity for i'm
pressing the county with her newly ac-
quired grandeur; but, the night proving
wet, she insisted on reverting to for
mer mode of progression and rode pill
lion behind her coachman. The result
was that she caught violent chill,
which turned to pneumonia. When her
relatives were assembled round her
deathbed the old lady exclaimed be-
tween her last gasps for breath, Thank
goodness | never took out the carriage
that wet nightv"
The citizen. (Frederick City, Md.) 1895-1923, 1905-01-27
PROBATE or.1EROlDS.

Why You Cant Crush an EGG
Lengthwise Between the Palms.
If the fingers of the two hands are
interlocked, and an egg taken length
wise between the palms, it will be
found impossible to crush it with the
greatest force that can be eXerted. If,
however the pressure is applied along
the short axis of the egg, it can be
crushed with ease.
This is directly due to the character
istic shape of the egg, which is known
as Il probate spheroid. 1t is clear that
ends the tendency is to bring them to-
gether and cause the spheroid to be-
come perfect sphere. But the sphere
so produced would contain larger
volume than the original spheroid;
hence when the egg is compressed
lengthwise there is tendency to in
crease its holding capacity and, as the
shell is air tight, to produce vacuum
in it's interior.
Thus the whole weight of the at
mosphere-some fifteen pounds to the
square inch-comes into play to pre-
vent the change of shape and supports
the egg against any attempt to crush
it. Along the short axis, however, the
egg can easily be crushed, as the
tendency is here to diminish its ca
pacity, and the atmospheric pressure
does not come into play.
The citizen. (Frederick City, Md.) 1895-1923, 1905-01-27

at home. 1t has been said that Mrs
Paget is the only woman who car
"drop in" at any time on Queen Alex.
andra. When the latter was Princess
of Wales and lived at Marlborough
House she once sent for Mrs. Paget.
"Why do you not call upon me-" the
princess is said to have inquired.
81 wait to be summoned, your higE
ness" replied Mrs. Paget.
"Then wait no longer" said the royal
lady, "but call often. And do not call
me your highness,' but Alexandra. 1;
Is the way that two friends should con.
verse together
The will of Mrs. Pagets father wa,
In litigation for many years. About a
year ago a decision was handed down
by Rhode Island court which divided
the estate between Mrs. Paget and her
half sister, Mrs. Ellen S. Melcher.
Mrs. Paget once had the distinction
Of being consulted by King Edward on
the question of tour which was pro
posed for the Prince of Wales.
The citizen. (Frederick City, Md.) 1895-1923, 1905-01-27
IN HIS FATHERS STEPS.
Charlie Gates Is Generally Lucky In
Financial Games.

Charlie Gates Is Generally Lucky In
Financial Games.
Whether it is cornering the corn mar
ket or riding in pony race Charles
G. Gates, sou of the famous financier
John w. Gates, generally has luck or
his side. A short time ago there was
unwonted excitement among the co
terie OF young millionaires at Saratoga
Charlie Gates, as he is generally
known, and the race horse owner, H.
NJ. Scheftel, were on the way to thv
race course when an argument arose
as to the merits of the respective
ponies they were riding. Gates offered
to wager anything from good dinner
to $500 on his pony, and Scheftel took
him up. The ponies made hot squirt
to the race course, and, with his usual
luck, Gates got the start and held 1t,
winning the race.
The younger Gates promises to have
a career in the world of finance and
industry as interesting as that of his
father. He is now twenty-eight years
old. His birthplace was West Chicago
and he attended college at Lake Forest
university, Illinois. AS soon as he
graduated his father asked him wheth-
er he wished to go into business or
profession or take year or so in travel
before deciding what he would do. He
answered without hesitation that he
wanted to go into business and was
The citizen. (Frederick City, Md.) 1895-1923, 1905-01-27
First Enxlish Letter.

The oldest letter written in English
of which there is record was that to
Sir John Pelham in London by his
wife, who was then in Kent That
letter is dated March %, 1889, and was
sent to London by messenger.
Up to the commencement Of the reign
Of Edward l., all letters, even of the
most private nature, were written in
Latin. About the time of Edwards
accession, French, which had been the
spoken language of the court from the
time Of the conquest, began to be used
In written correspondence. In thu
reign of Edward III. the English
language, in pursuance Of an act Of
parliament, was made the language Of
legislation,
The citizen. (Frederick City, Md.) 1895-1923, 1905-01-27

A tourist friend wh6 has recently re-
turned from trip through the south
Of Europe was telling the other day
Of the large proportions assumed by
the production of silkworm gut for
fishing lines In Spain since the decline
Of silk culture there. The grub is fed
on mulberry leaves as usual in silk
culture, but before it begins to spin
that is, in May and June-it is killed
by immersion in vinegar. The sub
stance which would have formed the
cocoon Is then drawn out from it's body
in the form of a thick silken thread,
which is treated with chemicals and
afterward dried. These threads are
made up in bundles of hundred each,
and the Spanish peasants travel with
them along the shores of the Mediter-
ranean as far as France. The best
quality Of the gut. as every fisherman
knows or ought for his own protection
when shopping to know, is round. The
fat shaped article is always inferior
and is due, not, as often supposed, to
careless drawing of it, but to I'M
healthiness In the worm which fur
nished it.-FOrest and Stream.
The citizen. (Frederick City, Md.) 1895-1923, 1905-01-27
HUMOR IN TEXT OF CLERGY.
Amusing Remarks which Were Most
Seriously Intended.


Part of the humor which one occa-
sionally meets with even in the sedate
Enclosure of the pulpits is due to the
queer texts which are sometimes. often
uncoDSciously chosen by preachers. No
doubt there are many stories told I'M
der this head which owe their origin
not to actual fact so much as to the
invention of the wag. For example.
minister on the Sunday before his
marriage is said to have chosen as his
text, And he went on his w.:S rejoic.
ing" and on the Sunday after his hon
eymoon to have eloquently discourSed
on the words Remember my bonds"
These instances are probably apoc-
ryphal, but the following are true and
have all come within the experience of
the writer. 1t was in the north of
England that the first incident hap
pened. 1t was n country church where
oil lamps We're used instead of gas.
One night in the late summer when
the lamps had not yet been resumed
after the long days it got suddenly
overcast, and before the sermon it was
deemed necessary to light the pulpit
lamp. During the hymn the old sex
ton repaired to the pulpit and, having
cleaned the glass chimney with a dust.
er. lit it up, but only feeble light strug.
gled through And then the clergyman
took his text, which was this, And
now we see through glass darby"
A few years ago well known bish-
op married his second wife and, re-
turning home after his honeymoon. an
nounced series Of sermons, the title
of the series being "The Penitent's Re
turn" This was obviously uninten
tional.
There is church in one of our large
cities which boasts of very high pull
pit A short time ago strange preach.
er, who was of nervous temporal
ment, occupied this pulpit. but. as the
sequel will show. only for very short
time, for having taken his text and
said about n dozen words, he startled
his congregation by saying, AS | am
not used to pulpits as high as this. you
will pardon me, know, if come down.
anu preacu my sermon from the lee
term" lie suited his action to the
words and preached very good SER
mon from the modest lectern. And
this was his strangely appropriate text,
HE that eXalteth himself shall I've
abased, and he that humbleth himself
shall be exalted"
One more instance: Not many months
ago a clergyman preached one Sunday
evening from the text. My words shall
not pass away" Exactly a fortnight
later the same clergyman preached the
same sermon from the same text in
the same church, to the wonderment of
practically the same congregation. Ev-
identity it was his determination that
at any rate his words should not pass
away from the memory of his hearers
Chicago Chronicle
The citizen. (Frederick City, Md.) 1895-1923, 1905-01-27
ScOIdinE.

Seeding is mostly a habit. 1t is
often the result of nervousness and an
irritable condition of both mind and
body. A person Is tried or annoyed at
some trivial cause and forthwith COM
mences finding fault with everything
and everybody within reach. Scolding
Ia habit very easily formed. 1t is as
tonishng how soon one becomes ad-
dicted to it and confirmed in it. 1t is
an unreasoning and unreasonable habit.
Persons who once get into the way of
scolding always find something to
scold about. If there is nothing else,
they begin scolding at the mere alb
sence of anything to scold at. 1t is an
extremely disagreeable habit. 1t is
contagious. Once introduced into a
family, 1t is pretty certain in short
time to affect all the memberships
change.
The citizen. (Frederick City, Md.) 1895-1923, 1905-01-27

Law and equity are two things which
God has Joined together and man has
put asunder.
When a prisoner in Justice Maule's
court was asked whether he had any
thing to say why sentence should not
be pronounced upon him, he replied, 81
wish God may strike me dead If l stole
the ducks" Maule waited for about a
minute and then said: Prisoner, as
Providence has not interfered l must
Three months hard labor"
A mayor on taking his seat on the
bench for the first time informed the
bar that during his year of office he
would spare no effort to be neither par
tial nor mpartial.-Address of Sir AL
bert Rollit in London.
The citizen. (Frederick City, Md.) 1895-1923, 1905-01-27
Artificial Eyes.

The trade in artificial eyes is ex
tensive not only from the number of
people who need them, but also from
the fact that they only last for about
a year in consequence Of the action OF
the secretions of the eyes upon the
enamel.
The process Of manufacture involves
eight distinct operations, which call
into play considerable artistic ability
and patient skill, and for this female
workers seem specially adapted.
The enamel has first to be fused,
then the globe is blown and colored,
after which the shaping, tempering
and polishing have to be attended to.
The minutest details, even to the coral
veins on the sclerotic coat and the
broken colored iris, are so faithfully
reproduced that the imitation can rare
ly be detected save in times Of great
motion.-London Standard.
The citizen. (Frederick City, Md.) 1895-1923, 1905-01-27

Seals, according to the crew of the
antarctic exploring ship Discovery, are
abundant near the south pole. They
are very tame and can be dubbed by
any one without showing more fight
than opening their jaws and making a
harsh noise. They are possessed of
extraordinary vitality and are not easy
to kill. Antarctic seals are not pro
vided with marketable fur. The skins
Of the majority of seals in the antarc-
tic regions show an extraordinary
number of cicatrices, some old and
some recent, which for some time have
been a puzzle to biologists. 1t Is
question whether they are the result
Of warfare among the bull seals or are
caused by attacks of some monster not
yet known to science. Some light has
been shed on this subject by the dis
covery of remains Of an ordinary seal
In the stomach of a sea leopard, which
is provided with very fierce set of
teeth, quite in keeping with the pos
sible habit of feeding on other seals.