davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Cook County herald., 1905-09-30
N NO Q I ONE u Y TO r UN IL.
Simple Explanation for Stopping
... :. s III Alarm Clock. III -ll

@sS Alarm Clock. s53.2 ,.g /. L =
An Irishman who had been unoccu.
pied for some time induced his friend
Patrick to try to secure him position
with contractor. One evening about
q week later Pat went around tc
Mikes boarding house with the news
that the contractor: had granted Mike
a trial. s. I 49,.
But" said Pitt. che is avery para
ticker, and ye moost be sure to be. al
the ooffce by z 7shar-r-p Oi'll git ye ar
alarm clock and then yell be sure tt
git up on toime.''
So Pat bought the alarm clock
wound it up and set it at $50. 1t wen
off satisfactorily. Mike went dow1
and worked all day. When he went
home at night he wound the clock, bu1
did not bother with the alarm, think
ing that it would go off automatically
The next morning he slept until {
O'Clock, and when he went to the office
the boss gave him his pay and TOLD
him to leave. Mike went home mad
sWore at the alarm clock and finally
took the back off. A lot of springs
wires and wheels fell out, and, last o.
all, a dead cockroach tumbled over or
to the table. Mike looked at the roach
in surprise, and then burst out:
BE dad! No wonder the thins
wouldn't go off. The injineer is dead
The Cook County herald., 1905-09-30
Left-Handed Artists,

To that list of left-handed artists
may be added Mr.. F. II. Townsend,
the deft draught sman in black ard
white, who has lately become art ed
itor of Punch. But Mr.. Townsend is
one of the "semi-left-handed" And of
these there are more than you might
suppose. Many of us, on watching
ourselves, will find that on this or that
occasion we use the left hand when
the right would be expected. Mr..
Townsend draws with his left hand
but he deals cards with his right. This
writer, being in all other respects
right-handed, deals cards with the
left. The real quality between the
hands would probably be established
from many experiences.--London
Chronicle.
The Cook County herald., 1905-09-30
Cosmopolitan Production.

Clyde Fitch was talking about two
young playwrights.
''Riter," he said, sis always stealing
his ideas from the. French and making
money, while SWEET, an honest fellow
writes original comedies that rarelv
pay their way.
"These two men met the other day
and at once began to talk shop.
''Riter, the plagiarist, declared that
his latest farce, Little Bo-Peep,' was
having an extraordinary success.
"'And an English manager has put
it on in Liverpool, too,' he ended, and
it is having superb run there, but the
Englishman hasn't yet forwarded me
a cent of royalties
"'It is also having a superb run at
the Odeon in Paris,' said SWEET. Have
you received any royalties from
there?'"
The Cook County herald., 1905-09-30
GOT GOOD INTEREST
ONE CHARITABLE DEED THAT
. y WAS WELL REWARDED.
twenty Dollar ''erub Stake" Advanced
to Man Trying to Reach the kIon-
dixie Repaid by Diamond Worth
Many Times the Amount Loaned. z

{ Bread cast upon the waters has re-
turned, not a hundredfold, but almost
equal to that, to Fred w. Bender, a
telegraph operator for the Southern
railway.
A loan of $40 which he made in 1899
to Howard Thompson in San FRAN
cisco has been repaid so many times
over that Mr.. Bender is not quite GER
tain just how much he has.
The >payment was not in cash. 1t
came last week in the form of dia-
mond of the first water, weighing al
most karats, and estimated to be
worth about 5000.
The diamond was received from
Dawson City, where Mr.. Thompson is
mining gold. He has been successful,
and, feeling that his success was large
ly due to the loan made him years
ago, he returned it fiftyfold.
Mr.. Bender was in the Philippines
with the United States army for two
years, going over just after the war
with Spain. He returned to the United
States the latter part of 1899, with
money in his pocket. He had drawn
back pay and allowance for clothing
and equipment, and had several hun
dred dollars
Il am broke, old man, and am try
ing to get to the Klondike,' said
Thompson, when he was thrown with
Mr. Bender during the few days the
latter remained in San Francisco. Il
need about $40, and with that I could
get to Seattle, and from there I can
work my way up to Dawson or some
where in the gold country. I can
make my strike once I am up there,
I know
"Sure, I can let you have the TWEEN
ty,' said Mr.. Bender, who was feeling
good over getting back to his home
country, and who did not care much
and welcome. l hope you will hit a
big mine, like Cripple Creek Wish
1 could go with you, but have to hit
for home" -
! The two separated, ~Mr. Bender came
to Louisville, tired of the army, and
went to work for the Southern rail-
way. He had enough of the Philip
pines and wanted no further fighting.
He forgot the loan which he had
made and really did not expect to
hear from Thompson again The
years passed and nothing was heard
in any way from the Klondike. Mr..
Bender did not know even whether
or not he had reached Dawson City.
The other day a package was re-.
ceived from the Klondike. Mr.. Ben.
der opened it and found inside a big
diamond, ;glittering and glistening like
a ball of fire. 1t was beautiful speci.
men. With the diamond came letter
from Thompson. He said he had just
struck a good paying vein of ore, and
had bought the stone as a souvenir and
a slight expression of his high appre.
citation of what had been done for him
by Mr.. Bender.-St. Louis Post-Dis,
patch. =.
The Cook County herald., 1905-09-30
Justified.

The professor was delivering an elo-
quent address on cruelty to animals,
and to illustrate how little judicfous
forethought would eliminate to great
extent the sufferings that even small
insects, are subject to, said: "As /
was coming through the hall tonight
sawsa bald-headed gentleman very
harsh]y treat little innocent house
fly which had alighted on his head.
Now, if there was any justification
for such bad temper I would be quite
justified in indulglng in it at the pres
ent moment, for fly has just alighted
on the back Of my head. Now it is
coming down my brow; now it is
coming on to my G-r-r-eat Pyra-
mids of Egypt, it's -wasp!"vLou-
don Tit-Bits. ."-. - i*
The Cook County herald., 1905-09-30
|'Jack!"

ly, after pause, that you-7that
some one were to tell you-that you
were just to find out
"Ridiculous!" he brusquely inter-
posed. do you suppose that l am
capable of allowing any one to talk
to me?'
"Oh, no. Only-these things some
times happen without our being exact
ly able to prevent them"
Preston reached up suddenly and
drew her down to his knee. MY dear
'little woman" he deprecated gravely,
my ears were made to hear only your
praises. My eyes, for your virtues
alone" :
Jack! How gallant you are And
what silly you must think l am
Dinner was announced at this juno
ture, and at the conclusion of the
meal. Preston returned to his Office.
When he had disappeared down the
wide avenue, Mrs. Preston ran up
stairs as fast as she could and threw
herself, face-down, on sofa in: her
bedroom and burst into a storm of
oOUo. " AoL q iCSlC AOOA o1C Adu .OScA,
to be sure, to tamper with her hus-
bands faith iii so ignominious a man
ner. But it was too late to draw
back now. Confession would only
serve to brand her as a simpleton, and
somehow, the idea of turning the
whole thing into joke, appeared al
most CHASTITY in it's farctcal aspect.
There was but one thing left to do.
and that was to stick it out. So.
stick it out she did.
The next morning at breakfast Pres
ton greeted her as usual. There were
no constrained silences; no forced
gayety to hide any inward emotion. AT
dinner it was just the same. At the
opera that night, and again in the
morning. ,...- r. -
| Mrs Preston had begun to hope and
thank heaven in the hope that her
husband had never received that let.
ter. She did as she pleased, went
where she pleased and remained away
as long as she felt disposed to-, and
all without question or explanation.
The Cook County herald., 1905-09-30
Song Of the Baldheaded Man.


Great Caesars classic head was bare,
And likewise Socrates;
Peter and Paul were forced to wear
Thin capillary f1eeces;
Shakespeare, earth's literary king,
And Johnson, Pope and Gibbon,
Being short of hirsute covering
Wore wigs tied deft with ribbon.
But Achan, J. Iscariot,
Ananias (of truth chary), -
Herod the Pharisees l wot,
All <sported caputs hairy; ..s.-
Later came Danton, Robespierre,
And Marat bloody trio; .<..
Guy Fawkes and Jeffries, Glencoe Stair,
Thick matched like iddling Nero.
Nor will the eye.:in sooth, oft see
Bald HOttentOt or. Arab.
Kamchatkan, aboriginee, =
Kurd or man-eating Carib; i>t
Nay, nay, but Of the human breed
The greater in earth's story,
Are those who lead in thought and deed
Crowned not with. hair, but glory:
~ -; Monroe Guy Carleton.
The Cook County herald., 1905-09-30

When Jack Preston once said to his
wife that nothing in the world could
possibly shake his faith in her, he be-
lieved, conscientiously, that it was the
truth. That not the slightest thing
had ever happened, either before their
marriage or after it, to interfere with
this conviction, may have had a great
deal to do with its firmness. But
Preston's opinion seemed, to himself,
to be based upon his own fine fidelity
in his wife's integrity; upon concep-
pettiness.
On this same subject, Mrs. Preston
entertained her own separate views
not unmixed with considerable doubt
And the doubt ranked. Finally, it as
sumed such proportions, that she set
about evolving means of experiment
whereby she could ascertain solu-
tion that would be entirely satisfac-
tory. In doing this, there we're great
many things she failed to consider at
alias offset by the one passion to
discover whether her husband was
really so invulnerable as he imagined
himself
One morning, she went into her
study with a determined plan in view
She tore up half dozen sheets of
paper before she finally managed a
letter to her satisfaction. 1t ran as fol-
lows: '~' 'ss-~.-,' = - -" H.-t':>~ ~>e'
Mr.. J. II. Preston, New York City,
Dear Sir:-Heed a friends disinter-
ested and well-meant advice and keep
sharp eye on your wife. A great
many more things than this might be
said but word to the wise, etc."
"Observer."
She made careful type copy of the
above, sealed and clicked off the ad-
dress to her husbands postoffice box.
Then she locked her desk, pinned on
her hat and went hurriedly out into
the street, walking with a sort of
guilty, nervous haste till she reached
mail box. Dropping it in quickly,
she reversed her steps with more of
leisure and returned at once to her
sittingroom and study.
When Preston came in, half an hour
later, his wife was industriously en-
gagged upon her correspondence.
''Care about going out to the races
this afternoon?" he asked after lit
tie, idly lingering the pages of maya
zine.
Mrs. Preston hesitated a moment 1t
took a good deal of will power to re-
sist, but she made up her mind and
must play the part she had set her
self.
II am very sorry" she replied, stud
iedly, "but some friends have invited
The Cook County herald., 1905-09-30
Organizing For. Eaa Selling.

|
It has often occurred to me that we
farmers should take measures to dis
pose OF our eggs in systematic man
ner. have been reading great deal
about what Denmark is doing in the
way OF egg associations, especially for
those that are to be exported. Their
plan is probably familiar to- many
readers of the Farmers Review. I
need only say that large syndicates of
farmers are organized for the collec-
tlon and sale of eggs by central
bureau. Every farmer that belongs to
one OF these syndicates has to conduct
himself according to the rules laid
down. and on the third violation of the
ruies is expelled from the syndicate.
As membership in the syndicate is
very valuable, the members. are care
lul TO conduct themselves according to
the general plan. Every egg that is
laad is stamped with the number Of
the farmer, the number of the syndi-
cate, and the, day on which the egg
was laid. These eggs all go to the
central agency and are sorted accord
ing to the dates of being laid. The
consumer Knows just how old the egg
IS when he gets it. If by chance a
FARMER puts in an egg that is past it's
prime he is fined heavily for it, and
the third repetition of the mistake will
cost him his membership. This pre-
vents bad eggs getting into the con-
| slgnments. The result is that the buy
ers know about their eggs, and the
consumption of them is increased I
believe that it would be perfectly
Gates in. this country. We Americans
feasible for us to organize such syndi-
40 not readily fall into the syndicate
idea, because We have found it so easy
to dispose of our eggs without making
very much effort, but am certain that
the price we receive for eggs is very
much less than it would be under a
systematic collection and sale. I
! thlnk the" consumer pays enough for
| them, but there is too wide a differ
ence between what the consumer pays
| and what the farmer receives. When
the farmers dispose Of their eggs, they
G d,
are competing with one another. while
many of the buyers are members of
syndicates of produce dealers that
have eliminated the competitive fea-
ture from the buying side of their
business. They agree upon a price,
above which they cannot go, but which
may be reduced as much as possible.
1 believe that this is to the disad-
vantage of the farmers, and that if
we had a large number of syndicates
for the collection and distribution of
esss, we would be able to sell to a
little better advantage. l believe that
the producers of the eggs should re.
celve higher price than the man
that simply handles them.
Phoebe Caldwell.
Butler Co., Ohio.
The Cook County herald., 1905-09-30
What Was Needed.

Judge Henry Bosworth, Of Spring
field, Mass, is very fond of young peo.
pie; but he is not blind to- their faults.
When the city was considering estab.
fishing curfewx law which would call
the young people off the streets at an
early hour, Judge Bosworth's opinion
was ought: *=sss E III. IS: si.sst i
/ We'll, gentlemen said the good
judge, ins his slow, d deliberate way, E 4
don't think we need a bell to. get the
boys and girls IN at night half 50
much al. we do "a bell to get. en- up
in the morning 80 .. s s. & 49,
The Cook County herald., 1905-09-30
WhY They Matted.

Two young men, not much expert.
enced in driving, went for drive.
During the ride the horse happened
to yaWn and the bit fell out of his
mouth. Two hours later another man
passed them and discovered both OF
the young men waiting with their con.
veyance by the roadside.
What on earth is the. matter with
you? I passed you when l was going
out and now when come back you're
still here. What's the matter?"
"Oh," replied one of the young men,
we're waiting for the horse to yawn
again so we can put the bit in
The Cook County herald., 1905-09-30
Remembering.

And ever in the moonlight,
AS the trumpet blossom swings,
Comes a time of sweet rememb' ring
OF old, unforgotten things;
OF old, name carved spreading beeches,
OF old, moonlit sandy reaches,
OF half whispered, half thought speeches,
Like a rustic Of white wings.
Comes the moonpath- on the water
Gliding the seas dread abyss;
Comes the e.; ;lapping of the III t ripples.
That, through all the years may measure,
Yet my lips have drained the pleasure
OF life's greatest, grandest treasure,
Of first love and loves first kiss.
When the moon lights up the prairie .
Comes life's memories to me; ..
When the rolling, the far-reaching =
Stirs and nipples like a sea, -. -. E.
She may think life's dark and fretting,
AS life's orb grows near it's setting
Crowds my soul to her forgetting,
But forgetting may not be tTT.-,. a..
F.. - Houston Post.
The Cook County herald., 1905-09-30
When the
Woif-Dinqo Puppy.

In the London Zoo is a puppy bred
between a wolf and a dingo. It has
the. fawn color usually found in the.
Australian wild dog, to which it at.
present bears more resemblance than.
/ it does to the: wolf. Although not more
than five months old, it seems uneasy
!. in its cage and possesses that keen, at
the same time wild, yet intelligent
look observed il the wild dogs general
The Cook County herald., 1905-09-30
IrresponsibllIty.

Robin singin' in de tree, n \:
Cherries ripe" he says to me.
Dey is tas'in' mighty fine @s-. + y
Jes de same like dey was mine.
"Some one owns 'em, tain no doubt.
Dat ain much to fret about. .., rs
Man det raises 'em he say, stz ssE .z
!. Don Ike cherries. anyway:
Ownin' sumpin' in yoh name 81
An injoyin of de same, :. S ss#,S, .s3 r.:
Dem is mighty din'unt things ST .Es
OATS sWhnt Mistuh Rnhin sings d. 81 IS
ass s !: #s5Ss WASHINGTON Star.
The Cook County herald., 1905-09-30
The Western Wife

She walked behind the tagging mules
That drew the breaker through the soi;
Hers were the early rising rules
Hers were the eyes Of Wifely toll.
The smitten prairie blossoms fair,
The sod home faded from the scene:
Firm gables met the whisp ring air.
Deep porches lent repose serene
But wth'ring brow and snowy tress
Bespeak the early days of srife;
And there's the deeper wrought impress-
The untold pathos of the wife.
o western mother! in thy praise
No artist paints, nor poet SINGS
But from the rosary of days
Gods angels shape immortal wings!
Will Chamberlain in National Weekly
The Cook County herald., 1905-09-30

With sort Of nervous, guilty haste.
me to go automobiling, and" she
paused.
Some friends?''
"Yes; the Kelbys, you know"
II know, Of course. But"
'Well?'
well, it seems that you always
have something else on hand when /
ask you to 60 anywhere" fs
purely a coincidence. Experience
should teach you that I'd far rather
go with you.''
"Then break this engagement and
come with me-" he pleaded. #%%..
Impossible. 1t would spoil the
party, and couldn't take such a re.
sponsibility on my shoulders" @
Preston colored, crossing his knees
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1905-05-28

tenderfoot but he had spirit You WILL will you?''
he retorted. Then he turned to his clerk, and said
in undertone George, go in and get the gun.
The ''gun" was 45-oo repeater, heavy enough
for bear
The clerk brought it out.
''Now, Pete" addressed the merchant more
briskly Il want you to move-and move quick"
For the first time the desperate looked up, and
it was into the muzzle of the rifle
Il reckon | won't" he announced obstinatey.
Il reckon you will!' announced the merchant
with equal obstinacy. I'm give you just
minute to get out or I'll blow you out!'
Il reckon you won't, persisted Pete apparently
callous.
George, hold the watch on u.s." babe the mer-
chant.
George held the watch The desperate fdgeted,
and seemed inclined to rise. He moved circum
specify knowing that the merchant had the drop
on him.
We'll" he said, Il guess III go and sit on the
other side of the street, by the vacant lot But
III see you later" he added meaningy.
No, you WON'T" snapped the merchant If
you want to see me, you can see me right now
Il reckon III sit awhile in front of the black
srith-shop' drawled Pete; and with an injured
air he slouched off toward the site proposed, and
there established headquarters much to the dis
gust of the blacksmith.
The merchant reentered the store, and received
the congratulations of his customers.
Meanwhile at the backsmith-shop Wildcat
Pete was VOlC1ng dire threats all OF WHICH con-
veyed the message: that he was going to kill
the merchant on sight The merchant heard. He
advised by friends right and left to arm himself
and be prepared to shoot first; but he sturdy
fused. He simply sent word:
Tell that fellow Pete that don't carry gun,
and that | shall continue to go back and forth along
the street just as usual I'm not afraid of him.
Only if he tries to interfere with my personal rights,
with my business he's likely to get in trouble.
He may talk all he wants to, but he must leave me
alone"
However, the desperado's buster began to prove
irksome. 1t distressed the merchants wife
ceedingy, and kept her constantly wrought up lest
her husband should be murdered. 1t had effect
upon the merchant himself, naturally making him
watchful and nervous, and enforcing upon him pre-
cautions if not for his sake then for the sake
of his family. He stayed in the back part of the
store and at home careful not to expose
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1905-05-28

settle our little difficulty right here He took the
from the box. Nov in this box I've brought
two pistols; one is loaded with ball, and the
other is a blank See this handkerchief" and
he unfolded a large bandana You choose
which pistol you want; III take the other. Then
We'll catch hold of opposite corners of this handker
chief and back away, and the minute that the
cloth is tight We'll pop and find out which gun has
the bullet in it.
will you jos please repeat that? didn't quite
savvy," stammered the desperate uncertainty.
The merchant repeated.
You mean I'm to take one gun and you the other
an go it blind and then shoot at each other across
the handkerchief?' inquired Pete, dazed.
Exactly" affirmed the merchant
Pete stared at the pistols. They the old
fashioned powder and ball variety single shot and
loading at the muzzle Whence the merchant had
resurrected them none but himself knew however,
they perfect for the purpose for their contents
could not be ascertained by the eye
The desperate rose to the occasion.
'All right" he said. I'm game But
body's sure goin' to be hurt"
He weighed the pistols carefully in his hand, and
selected one. The merchant took the other.
Somebody sure isl" he replied grimly
Noting the interview, crowd had collected.
The merchant extended a corner of the bandana
to the desperate. Here, he said, take hold"
With the fingers of rather shaky left hand
Wildcat Pete" grasped the handkerchief. The
merchant cooked his pistol Wildcat Pete"
cooked his.
when the handkerchief draws tight, shoot.
remember, warned the merchant.
The crowd fell away from behind each of the
duelists. The merchant and the desperate slowly,
gingerly, backed apart; the handkerchief, held at
arms length, just ceasing to sag, when Bangl"
went the pistol of Wildcat Pete" An exclama-
ton leaped from the peerng crowd; but the mer-
chant stood up, smiling sarcastically, unframed.
Evidently the desperado's pistol was the blank he
had fired ahead of time, and he had fired in vain.
Seeing the result, with oath he dropped the
handkerchief and whipped his hand to the six
shooter at his right hip.
None of that" cried stern voice in his ear,
and wisely refrainng he glanced behind, to find the
marshal at last emboldened, exactly covering him.
Hands up"
Il reckon Mr. Merchant there is about entitled
to shot," suggested the marshal cooly. Go
(Continaea page Isl
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1905-05-28

himself at a window.
Finally the strain
became uncomfortable.
The merchant decided
to put an end to it.
1t was just a week
after the encounter
whereby Wildcat
Pete had been made
to move on. He was
sitting, modify tilted
back in a chair, out
side the doorway of the
saloon which he fire.
quented, when the mer-
chant, carrying a paste
board shoe-box, walked
directly up to where
he sat.
Behind the merchant
followed the marshal
and several other citi-
zens. Wildcat Pete"
Strengthened up in his
chair, and his hand
suggestively jelked his
cartridge-belt into a
more convenient po-
sition.
Il understand that
you've said you're 60
ing to kill me, spoke
the merchant.
sure am, as soon
as l get good an
ready" growled the
desperate.
Well, I've got tired
of waiting declared
the merchant. Well
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1905-05-28
"WiIdcat Pete
Crasped the
handkerchief

other, not deigning to look up at him.
The merchant was a newcomer from
the East, and Pete considered him
minus quantity.
well, Pete" said the merchant brisk
ly, I'm paying good rent for this prop
erty, and I've built sidewalk, and gone
to other expense for improvements and
l can't afford having my customers
driven off, like you're doing Now, go
over on the other side of the street and sit
in front of that vacant lot; or there's
splendid place in front of the blacksmith
shop: It's shady there. Don't sit here. -
Il reckon I'll sit here just as long
as please, declared Pete, unaffected.
The merchant S cho1er rose. He was a