The morning Astorian. [volume] (Astoria, Oregon) 1899-1930, 1905-06-07

1 iettte InhuS uuu VAlldlilS Not HhANAilhS
| Ii vhas one of der greatest things OF
earth. She yhas bigger dan Napoleon
or Christopher Columbus. II der Span
/ sh haf dot machine at Manila, Dewey
| vhas gone In two minutes, II Blanco
haf him at Havana. we shall not take
, Cuba in one hoonered years. Dlnsman
makes II all so nice dot II he asks me
to lend him two dollar TIL next week
| shall cheerfully do so. When he doan't
speak any more he says;
I'VE shall now listen TO dot song Of
Der Sweet BY and BY ash sung by
my friend Hans few days ago. |
like to haf eaferbody keep still und
shed some tears"
He stands back. und der machine
goes of. and In ten seconds my hair
stands oop. Dot voice vhas shust like
my voice. though II sings some songs
l neffer heard. II vhas all about how
| met some young womans by der
moonlight und der cider mill und how
my heart vhas breaking II she doan't
fly avhay nit me. Und when dot song
ends COP 1t makes me say dot my old
womans vhas cross eyed and red head.
ed und like her to fall down we'll
Eaferbody looks at me und can't make
him out. und der old womans says she
vhill see me later about dot moonlight
peesness. l tries to stop Mr.. Dinkman
by winking und shaking my head. but
he goes ahead shust der same und
says:
We shall now listen to anodder
song by dot same German cobbler
whose voice you all know so well und
who vhas like some nightingale. She
vhas song called Dose Harbor
Lights Vhas Burning, und II anybody
vhas crying when she vhas finished Il
vhas all right und a great compliment
TO our friend. Now listen"
Dot machine goes again. und dot
song vhas all about an old sport who
put his last dollar on game OF poker
und though he held three aces he vhas
bluffed out by mans NIT only pair OF
ten spots Eaferybody turns und looks
at me again. und my wife vhas cry
ing und says II vhas better II hang
myself in der wood shed. l can't see
how he vhas. und wave my hand at
Dinkman to stop her, but he only
smiles und says:
Maybe dot singing vhas enough
for one eavenings, ash II seems to haf
made eaferbody very sad und tear
full. l shall now let dot phonograph
speak to you, und you vhill recognize
der well known voice of our friend
who likes TO get into society und cut
a dash. Hear vot he says"
Und dot speaking almost knocks me
out Dot machine yells und whoops
und swears ike some pirates. II
makes ne call names on myself; II
makes me swear on my old womans
und der preacher. und II makes me
say dot my good friend Carl Schmidt
vhas a gay old sport, q masher und a
bilker; il makes me pitch into Peter
Little6eld und call him thief; II
makes me say dot Henry klienfeldt
stole cows; it yells oudt dot all WON
ans vhas gossips und liars und dot all
men ought to be in state prison.
l feel dot l like to be t'ousand
miles AWAY und hit Dinkman init q
club. But der baddest vhas still to
come Der machine winds oop by
saying dot Sing Sing vhas my home
und dot | don't care for nobody nor
nottings so long ash can get all der
whisky | ike TO drink. vhas so
mad like TO go oafer und kick Ii all
to pieces, but my old friend Schmidt
steps oop to me und says:
Hans, you Will sit down some
more und keep leetle still. II you
vhas some villains In disguise, und II
seems like you vhas, it vhas time der
pooblic knows about her. haf known
you feefteen year, und / belief you
vhas a sober, hardworkIng mans, but
ii seems vhas deceived. / like to go
out und get policemans and haf you
sent to shall"
Und den Dinkman puts In und says
he hears me speak a poem into dot
machine at 10 o'clock at night, When
| should be home und in bed NIT my
wife. Dot poem yhas called "Bingen
on der Rhine" und he says haf tears
in my eyes ash speak him. He likes
eaferbody TO listen While dot machine
goes ahead. Maybe | vhas not sooch
a bad mans dot cannot be reformed.
vhell dot machine goes along, und
| tell you | vhas like fainting AWAY
In my chair. 1t vhas sooch awful Ian
guage dot eaferbody turns pale und
stands oop und when | calls out TO
stop her Carl Schmidt stands oop und
wafes his hand to me und says:
"CoObler, | demand dot you keep
quiet. Now dot | see What villains
you yhas | wonder dot you don't cut
your wife's throat some night. Keep
it oop. Mr.. Dinkman. Let US know der
worst about dis mans"
IND Dlnkman vhas so tickled dot he
cant stand still. Dot phOnOgraph makes