davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Chickasha daily express. (Chickasha, Indian Territory [Okla.]) 1899-current, 1905-06-26
SAMPLES OF AMERICAN HuMoR.
Not Always Subtle, but Exceedingly
Rich and Fertile.


Prof. H. G. Lord, of Columbia, was
talking in Philadelphia about Amer
ican humor Our typical humor," he
said, sis not, perhaps, subtle. 1t is too
young to be subtle. But it is very
much alive, and very rich and fertile.
There is story about absent
minded people that is, l think, good
example of American humor. 1t runs,
in short passages, like this
"a woman put her baby's dirty
clothes in the cradle and the baby in
the wash tub. She didn't discover
her mistake till the child cried when
she pinned its left leg to the line as
she hung it out to dry.
"A man, about to go for ride,
clapped the saddle on his own back.
He didn't discover his mistake till he
became exhausted with trying to
mount himself.
Another man put his dog to bed
and kicked himself downstairs. He
didn't discover his mistake till he be,
gan to yelp and the dog began to
snore.
"A doctor put a fee in a patients
hand and took the medicine himself
He didn't discover his mistake till the
patient got well and he became ILL.,"
The Chickasha daily express. (Chickasha, Indian Territory [Okla.]) 1899-current, 1905-06-26
Anatomy Never out Of pate.

The late Prof. Cleveland, for so
many years connected with Bowdoin
College, was very witty upon occa-
sions. A medical student in attend
ance upon the college once asked him
if there were not some work on anat-
omy more recent than those in the col
lege library.
Young man." said the professor,
measuring the entire youthful scholar
at a single glance, there have been
very few new bones added to the hu-
man body during the last ten years. "
The Chickasha daily express. (Chickasha, Indian Territory [Okla.]) 1899-current, 1905-06-26
To EnIarae Drawings.

An instrument that can be used to
copy mats or drawings, or to enlarge
or reduce them. is called the panto-
graph, and you can make one your
self with just little care.
You can use four fiat pieces OF
wood as shown In the illustration, or
four plain fiat rules, which you can
buy for cen; apiece. The rules are
better, for they have the inches and
smaller divisions already marked on
them. whereas II you use the pieces
Of wood you will have to make those
marks yourself.
The four pieces must be so fastened
together at B, C. G and H that they
can turn freely on each other. and all
parts OF the pantograph must be sup
ported at the same distance from the
table. so that the motion will be an
even one. II you use the ordinary
The Chickasha daily express. (Chickasha, Indian Territory [Okla.]) 1899-current, 1905-06-26
ing family doctor.
rLzE2I IH5Q7a77

ing family doctor.
Their meal time and Sundays are
not their own unless they are very
systematic and successful in fore
thought for themselves.
One of the most useful personal
qualities for a physician is rapid ac-
curacy, and another quality is re-
sourcefulness.
Some line Of daily recreation is one
source of these desirable personal
qualities.
Take time every day to play with,
entertain or amuse a little child.
Youthfulness is a source Of rapid ac-
curacy and originality and spontane-
GUS thought. Associating with the
children to their benefit and your
mental recreation is suggestion
some over-worked medical people may
be able to use. Play games as long
as you live and your individuality will
never get old.
The Chickasha daily express. (Chickasha, Indian Territory [Okla.]) 1899-current, 1905-06-26

A Frenchman gives the following
suggestions as to what may be made
out of an orange. Figure l represents
a napkin ring. made from section
Of the skin which should be handled
when quite fresh. The only tool re-
quired is a sharp knife. Place tum-
bier inside the ring. In a few days
a perfectly formed napkin ring will
reward you for your labors.
Figure II shows haw bonbonniere
may be fashioned from the orange.
The Chickasha daily express. (Chickasha, Indian Territory [Okla.]) 1899-current, 1905-06-26

Cut two cections similar to the one
used in the preceding figure. When
they are shaped paste cardboard,
tinted the color of the fruit. to form
the tos and bottom. Fit ring of the
same material little deeper than the
lower section inside It, Through the
top handle may be made by tying a
rosette Of green ribbon.
Figure III will give a great deal OF
amusement at a children's party. The
inside of the fruit Is not disturbed in
this. but figures are carved on the out
er side. II one is not a great artist
The Chickasha daily express. (Chickasha, Indian Territory [Okla.]) 1899-current, 1905-06-26
SCENES THAT ARE REAL.
Hall caine Studied Baccarat In Dives
of the Riviera.

Hall Calne Studied Baccarat IN Dives
Of the Riviera.
Criticism on the gambling scenes
laid in Hall Gaines book, "The Prodi-
gal Son, has been the means Of irauc-
ing the author to visit several gam
bling places on the Riviera recently,
says a Monte Carlo correspondent Of
the Kansas City Journal, so that there
may be lacking no accuracy or real
ism when the dramatized work is
produced in London.
Certain critics, in dealing with the
book, have found fault with the des-
cription of what they wrongly assume
to be roulette. AS a matter of fact,
that the author described was bacca-
rat, Experienced baccarat players
have, however, pointed out to him
weak points in this scene and he came
to the Riviera expressly to study the
game in its various and most exuber-
ant forms. UEder the guidance of one
of the best known European gamblers
and plungers, he visited all the noto-
rious clubs, casinos and gambling dens
on the Riviera, and while his guide
played baccarat Mr.. Caine took quiet
notes of all that went on.
At a hall known as "Cercle," or so
called club, at Nice, Mr.. Cain stood
behind the chair Of his companion
while in less than an hour he lost
over $4,000. After this no one will in
future be able to reproach him with
not being personally acquainted with
the modern manners and methods Of
'The Prodigal Son.
The Chickasha daily express. (Chickasha, Indian Territory [Okla.]) 1899-current, 1905-06-26
"a Man Win an Aim, p

Give me man with an aim,
Whatever that aim may be,
Whether it's wealth or whether It's fame,
1t matters not to me.
Let him walk In the path Of right.
And keep his aim IN sight
And work and pray in faith Away.
With his eyes on the glittering height.
Give me a man who says.
II will do something well,
And make the fleeing days
A story Of labor tell.
Though the aim he has be small,
III is better than none at all;
With something to do the whole year
through,
He will not stumble or fall.
But Satan weayes a snare.
For the feet OF those who stray
With never a thought or a care
Where the path may lead away.
The man who hath no aim
Not only leaves no name.
When this life's done, but ten TO one
He leaves record of shame.
Give me a man whose heart
Is filed with ambitions FIRE:
Who sets his mark in the start
And moves Il higher and higher.
Better to die In the strife,
The hands with labor rife
Than to glide with the stream In an
Idle dream,
And live a purposeless life.
New York Commercial
The Chickasha daily express. (Chickasha, Indian Territory [Okla.]) 1899-current, 1905-06-26

Tin Melting on a Card.
the least pressure. whereas those that
are tempered yellow are much strong
er.
While you have your alcohol lamp
burning take a piece Of metallic tin
not tin.plate-and place it on an ordi-
nary playing card, first turning up the
edges of the card, forming a sort OF
box lid. Hold the card containing the
tin over the fame and the card will
not burn, but the tin may be melted
thus.
The reason is that the tin is so good
a conductor of heat that 1t carries II
away before the card has time to
burn.
The Chickasha daily express. (Chickasha, Indian Territory [Okla.]) 1899-current, 1905-06-26
A New Use Tor Apes.

Here's great note about two very
interesting things golf and monkeys.
According to an English paper. lately
received, while pets are mostly kept
for the purpose Of merely being petted,
now and then they are taught to make
themselves useful. The latest in.
stance of the useful pet, the journal
states, is in the case of certain apes
which have been trained to act as cad
dies in the now fashionable game Of
golf. The cadie is indispensable to a
golf player, and Miss Dent, whose
brother, Lieutenant Dent, OF the
The Chickasha daily express. (Chickasha, Indian Territory [Okla.]) 1899-current, 1905-06-26

stick will hold the three parts togeth-
er, the hat being made of the lowest
section Of the fruit, turned up while
fresh and pliable.
Figure V is the most complicated.
but we'll worth the trouble. The body
OF the doll is prepared exactly like
the head of the Chinaman. The apron
is carved on it. while the cape is made
from the skin of another orange. The
baby is cut from the white skin that
lines the orange. The head is made
from cork and the cape from the
lace paper that lines candy boxes.
The Chickasha daily express. (Chickasha, Indian Territory [Okla.]) 1899-current, 1905-06-26
JOBS THAT ARE IN DEMAND.
English Civil Service Appointments
Eagerly Looked for.


"Once a civil servant always civil
servant" appears to be the motto OF
the English civil service, for unless
one proves dishonest or an extraordi'
narily poor workman he is retained in
service until the age limit is reached
and the salary list is exchanged for
the pension roll.
Unlike the civil service in the Unit
ed States, there is no strong partisan'
ship; appointees hold their POSITIONS
no matter which party may be in pow.
er.
The pay is not large, even in view
of the small cost of living in England.
Fifteen dollars is about the limit Of
weekly payment in the Postofiice der
partment, though some of the execu-
tive positions pay as high as $4,000 a
year. The Excise department is a fa-
vored branch, the pay starting at
$3.50 year. This is raised by year
ly increases Of $25 until the pay
reaches $4OO and after a year is
jumped to $575. From there on the
pay jumps rapidly to $3.50 yearly
and if the officer is fortunate in at last
arriving at the dignity of collector he
draws $4,000 yearly
Parliamentary clerkships run from
$500 to $4,000 year, and the Navy
department will run clerk up tc
$4,000 if he reaches the Importance Of
fleet paymaster.
In spite of the small salaries the
places are eagerly sought, since il
means life position, with a pension
for ones declining wears.
The Chickasha daily express. (Chickasha, Indian Territory [Okla.]) 1899-current, 1905-06-26
ResoIutlon,s pIssoIutlon.

Soon after he had decided that
other peoples wants should become
his wisdom, man asked him for
something he thought he wanted to
keep, but after refusing to part with
1t his resolution jumped into his mem
ory and then to his surprise and re-
gret he saw that he cared less for the
article the man wanted than he did
for his resolutions success. Memory
is a part of success.
The Chickasha daily express. (Chickasha, Indian Territory [Okla.]) 1899-current, 1905-06-26
For Two Girls.

A nice game for two girls is for
one to have piece of paper and pen
Gil and write down proverb, but
instead of writing it properly only the
first letter of each word must be put
and cross instead of each of the
other letters in the word. Then the
second player must add the proper
letters over the crosses. It some
times takes quite long time to think
Of the required letters.
The Chickasha daily express. (Chickasha, Indian Territory [Okla.]) 1899-current, 1905-06-26

United States navy, has recently re-
turned to America from the China sta
ton, has two Formosa apes which he
brought here, and which they have
trained to the business of caddies.
They wear liveries Of white duck, and
each has a Turkish fez.
The Chickasha daily express. (Chickasha, Indian Territory [Okla.]) 1899-current, 1905-06-26

''No matter what purse-proud indi-
viduals may say to the contrary" re-
marked Dixett, oracularly, "all are
born equal"
Don't you believe it," replied Pop
ley. "Our baby, for instance, weighed
thirteen pounds and mighty few can
equal that"
The Chickasha daily express. (Chickasha, Indian Territory [Okla.]) 1899-current, 1905-06-26
LOOKED LOVELY IN BROWN.
"Harry" Lehr Examined Hats in New
York for His Wife.


A symphony in brown was Henry s.
Lehr, as he prefers to be called since
he has reached the dignity Of marital
state, but better known as the immac-
ulate Harry" when he strolled into a
certain fashionable hat store in Fifth
avenue few doors froLI Sherry's res
taurant recently, says the Kansas City
Times. Mr.. Lehr was alone, but it Is
to be presumed he was there for the
purpose of buying hat or hats for
his wife. At any rate, for an hour he
kept three of the pretty shop girls
busy while he dallied over one crea-
ton after another and in the end left
the store without making a purchase.
Probably no one was ever more par
ticular or harder to suit than Harry"
Hat after hat for women was shown
to him and he did everything except
try them on his own curly brown head.
ne would place hat at every angle
in his hand, holding it off at arms
length to get the proper perspective,
but nothing could suit him. In the
end the girls who had been SO eager
to make a sale to Mr.. Lehr were
obliged to give 1t up. With a courtly
wave of the hand Mr.. Lehr left the
store and thanked the girls in grace
full manner. Mr.. Lehr was dressed in
a brown suit, brown hat, brown
shoes, brown socks, brown tie and
even wore a brown leather strap at
tached to his watch, which hung in
the upper pocket of his jacket.
The Chickasha daily express. (Chickasha, Indian Territory [Okla.]) 1899-current, 1905-06-26

In China, where so many hundreds
OF people live their entire lives on
boats. there is a very strange idea
that an eye must be painted on the
bow Of the boat that it may see its
way through the water.
An Englishman travelling in China
sat in the front of small boat with
his feet hanging over the painted eye.
The owner became very much excited
and begged the traveller not to cover
The Chickasha daily express. (Chickasha, Indian Territory [Okla.]) 1899-current, 1905-06-26
Rlnk TaIk.

Violet wonder If Charley Gayboy
is a good skater?
Rose-Oh, yes, think he must be-
At least heard my brother say he is
an awfully high roller-Detroit Free
Press.
The Chickasha daily express. (Chickasha, Indian Territory [Okla.]) 1899-current, 1905-06-26
Cake shap.


When someone calls out: Let's
play cake shop!'" somebody else is
sure to cry, I'll be the buyer!" and
to run out of the room at once, clos
ing the door behind her; for the buy
er must not know about the cake in
the shop until she comes to get 1t.
While she is gone. the other children
decide what sorts of cake they will
represent, one crying, 'T'll be choco-
late!" another Jelly" and the rest
whatever they choose. When this is
done, they form a circle and call in
the buyer. She, not knowing which
child will respond, calls out, per-
haps: Il want some jelly cakel" and
the one in the circle who is "jelly
cake runs from her place and tries
to get to a part Of the room that has
been named the cake box" II the
buyer can catch her, she does so, and
"jelly cake" then stands asid until
the leader is put out and a new game
is formed. Those cakes" in the ''box"
remain there, but have the right to
run back to the circle at any time. II.
however. one is caught in the act,
she at once becomes buyer"
The Chickasha daily express. (Chickasha, Indian Territory [Okla.]) 1899-current, 1905-06-26

the eye Of the boat, as It must see tts
way.
When the first railroad was built
through China the native workmen
were anxious to paint an eye on the
front of the locomotive. They thought
it was not safe to allow such fierce
looking creature as an engine to run
about Northland Weekly.
The Chickasha daily express. (Chickasha, Indian Territory [Okla.]) 1899-current, 1905-06-26
Cause Enouoh.

Thought you were at the concert
to-night?"
"Just left"
What made you leave so early?"
'The concert. ."-Cleyeland Leader.
The Chickasha daily express. (Chickasha, Indian Territory [Okla.]) 1899-current, 1905-06-26
Dentists in Demand.

There are not enough qualified den
lists in Great Britain to meet the de-
mand. is the assertion of a London
medical journal.
The Chickasha daily express. (Chickasha, Indian Territory [Okla.]) 1899-current, 1905-06-26

table, and with a knife make two
straight cuts, parting the potato in
six pieces. having match sticking
up In each piece.
The Chickasha daily express. (Chickasha, Indian Territory [Okla.]) 1899-current, 1905-06-26
Match and Potato.

The sketch is supposed to represent
a slice off potato with six matches
sticking to it,
The puzzle is to lay it fiat on the
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1905-03-28
TO DEVELOP GAS PLANTS
Noted Eastern Engineer to Make Head
quarters Here.

Frank d. Moses. of Trenton, y. j.,
one of the foremost gas engineers and
constructors of gas plants in this coun-
try. has been secured TO make the tri-
cities his headquarters after May /.
He will give the greater part of his
time to the gas plants of the Peoples
Power company and the Peoples Light
company of Davenport.
Mr. Moses has a plant at Trenton, n.
J. for the manufacture of apparatus
for making coal and water gas, and it
is hoped that ne will move it to one of
these three cities later on But the
matter that concerns the present topic
is what he will do for the present gas
plants here. He is given power TO map
out exactly what is needed here to
make the plants thoroughly modern
and up-to-date. and the companies will
follow his plans up 10 the point of
thorough reconstruction if necessary.
and such extensions and alterations of
the mains as he may direct.
Mr.. Moses has served as consulting
engineer for many of the large plants
in New York and others of the large
eastern cities. and his removal here
and connection with the local gas com
panies will mean much for the speedy
development Of the gas business in the
three cities.
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1905-03-28
IN FEAR OF TYPHOID:
NEW SHOPS MEN QUIT
Railroad Company's Chemist Reports
Water in Suspicious Well
is Pure.

twenty-five men, alarmed al the
spread of typhoid fever among employ
es. quit their places at New Shops yes
terday. There have been two deaths
from the fever and a number of the
attaches of the establishment are down
with the disease. One week ago the
well at the shops was closed under or
ders from DR.. p. II. Vessel, of Moline
member of the state board of health,
on the theory that the fever germs
were contained in the water. Samples
of the water have been forwarded to
the state university at UTDana for an
alysis. Samples were taken also for
examination by the Rock Island roads
chemist at Chicago. He has rendered
his report and states that the water is
absolutely free from any disease germ
whatsoever.
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1905-03-28
MOTHER KILLS CHILDREN
Administers Coal Oil and Morphine
With Fatal Results.

Paducah, KY, March % Mrs. Mary
Brockell. whose three children, aged 3.
and years. died from poisoning un-
der suspicious circumstances last Sat
urday. yesterday broke down and con
fessed that she killed them by giving
them morphine and coal oil The wo-
man said that her husband was in an
insane asylum and that she could not
support the children. She also stated
that George Alberton promised TO mar
~ her II she would get rid Of the chill
dren. AibertOn was arrested as an ac-
cessOTy.
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1905-03-28

Edward Riley, Burglar, Encoun.
tiers Officer in Making
Exit.
STEALS FROM HIS EMPLOYER
Makes Fatal Mistake of Leaving Open
Cellar Door Through Which
He Enters.

Edward Riley, as a burglar, is not a
success. Yesterday he removed the
inside bar fastening the door leading to
the cellar of the John Stewart saloon.
Twentieth street and Third avenue. 10
make a clear way for him when he Wis
tied the place during the night for the
purpose of robbery.
Officer Sexton. in passing along Third
avenue at 1 o'clock this morning. found
the cellar door thrown open. He walk
ed around TO the front of the saloon.
There was light burning within and
he saw a man moving around behind
the bar. trying the cash register. in
speeding the liquor stock and the cigar
case.
The officer suspected a burglary and
went to the Third avenue side to wait
for his quarry to emerge from his hole
1t was only few minutes until Riley
hove in sight. both arms employed in
holding four boxes of cigars and three
bottles of whisky.
Two Dollars In Pennies.
Riley, of course. was surprised when
he looked up into the face of the blue
coat. Tho wagon was called and he
was taken to the station. Riley also
had in his possession 50 in pennies that
he admitted he had stolen from the
cash register. Riley has been working
at the Stewart saloon as porter.
Riley this afternoon was held to the
grand jury in 81, 900 bonds on a charge
of burglary.
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1905-03-28
LOCAL MARKET CONDITIONS.
Today's Quotations on Provisions, Live
Stock. Feed and Fuel,

Today's Quotations on Provisions, Live
Stock. Feed and Fuel.
Rock Island. March 2S.-FolIowing are
the wholesale quotations in the local
market:
Provisions and Produce.
Butter-Creamery 30m32. dairy 25c.
Eggs-Fresh. 1Gc.
Lard-9c.
Live Poultry-Spring chickens &c
per pound hens Sc per pound. ducks
Toe. turkeys 14G15c.
begetables-Potatoes 40c.
Feed and Fuel.
Grain-Corn 42@43c. oats 32633c.
Forage-Timothy hay $1O5O, prairie
So, straw $G6$7.
WOODLAND. per load. $4.506$5.OO.
Coal-Lump. bushel, 13014c, slack.
per bushel, 8 to &c.
Live Stock.
Cattle-Steers $3.0O@$5.0O.
heifers s2.00G$3.OO. calves 3.OO6GOO.
Hogs-Mixed and butchers $4.750
1925.
Sheep-Yearlings or over $4,000
5000; lambs $5.5O0$7OO
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1905-03-28

.1O29s. c.. NJ. & St. p. 1898. Manhattan
1914, Copper IT'S. w. L. Tel. Co.
9Sh, N. Y. Central 100, l.. & n. 40.
c. & A. 401a. Reading common 93Is.
Canadian Pacific 147. Leather common
1874. b. r. r. 6GI5. L. s. Steel pre-
ferred 94ss. L. S. Steel common 347s,
Penna 1405s. Missouri Pacific 1O6.
Union Pacific 1271a. Coal and Iron SO.
Erie common 44%. Wabash preferred
45H, C. & G. w. 239s. Illinois Cen
trail 159A. Car Foundry 3S1s. Republic
Steel preferred So Republic Steel COM
mon Ply
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1905-03-28
THE MARKETS.
Chicago, March 2S.-FolOwing are the
quotations on the market today:

Chicago. March 28.-Following are the
quotations on the market today:
Wheat.
May, 112h, 1.13, Lily, lip.
July. S9A, 9OIs. SS5s. SSA.
September, 81, S42s, 1914, 832s.
Corn.
May. 1885. 4sA, 4734. 47%.
July, 4S24. 1879. As. 4S1b
September, 1875, 40. 4S1s, 4SH.
Oats.
May, 80, 30H. 29h, 295s.
July. 30. S0A. 2912. 295s
September, 29. 295s. 2sA, 2S%.
Pork.
May. 12-75, 12.77. II. ca. 1867.
July. u 80. II. 90, y 50. 12S2.
Lard.
May. lis, Z. Is, 40. 10.
July. 7.27. 100, 725, 7.25.
Ribs.
May, .95. G. 97. 6 80. G %.
July, ZIP, lis, 7.12. ZIP.
Receipts today, Wheat. 2G; corn.
301; oats. 29S; hogs, 10000; cattle
$500; sheep. $4,000
Estimated receipts Wednesday
Wheat, IS; corn, 1877; oats. 1872; hogs.
$4,000.
Hog market opened steady-Light,
5.154 $40; mixed and butchers 5.200
5.45; good heavy, 5.2545.5O; rough
heavy. 5.2505.35.
Cattle market opened steady.
Sheep market opened weak.
Hogs at Omaha, $500: cattle. 5000;
hogs at Kansas City, 1900; cattle. 10.-
900.
L. S. Yards. $40 a m.-Hog mar
ket weak to sc lower. Light, 510G
$40; mixed and butchers. 5I505.42:
good heavy. 5.2Oq547; rough heavy.
5.2O95.3O.
Cattle market steady-Beeves, $50
GG25: cows and heifers, lisa 40;
stockers and feeders. 2.7O04s5.
Sheep market weak.
Hog market closed weak to sc low
er. Light. 51005.35; mixed and
5.15d54O; good heavy. $50.
G5.45. rough heavy. 5-20a $50.
Cattle market closed slow.
Sheep market closed slow.
New York Stocks
New York. March 2s-Sugar IA.
Gas HOB. G, r I. & p 93I. Southern
Pacific CG5k. 3 & o. los. Atchison
common S7h. Atchison preferred