davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The L'Anse sentinel. (L'Anse, L.S., Mich.) 18??-current, 1905-05-20

vermifuge. But 1t gets there just the
same and the result Of drinking II is
about the same as the result of drink
ing anything in France-it makes you
want to hug somebody.
At home when a man get full on
whisky, he wants to hug the man he
drinks with and weep on his collar,
and then hit him on the head with a
bottle; but here every kind of drink
puts the drinker In condition to want
to hug. Dad says he never knew he
had brain until he learned to drink
absinthe, but now he can close his eyes
and see things worse than any mince
pie nightmare, and when we go out
among people he never sees man at
dads eyes begin to take turns wink
ing at them and 1t Is all l can do to
keep him from proposing marriage to
every woman he sees.
thought would break him Of this
woman foolishness, so told everybody
dad was Mormon bishop, and had
grand palace at Salt Lake City, and
owned millions OF gold mines and tab
ernacles and wanted to marry a thousl
and women and take them to Utah and
place them at the head of homes of
their own, and he would JUST call once
or twice week and leave bags of gold
for his wives to spend. A newspaper
reporter, that could talk English, wrote
a piece for paper about dad wanting
to marry q whole lot and he said life
In Utah was better than Turkish har-
EN-, cause the wives of Mormon bish-
op did not have to be locked up and
watched by unix. but could fiirt and
blow In money and go out to dances
and have just as much fun as though
they lived in Newport. and had got
divorces from millionaires, and he said
any woman who wanted to marry q
Mormon bishop could meet dad on the
builyvard near certain monument. on
q certain day.
was on to 1t, with the reporter, and
we hired a carriage and went, to the
bullyvard, just at the time the news
paper said and put big red badge on
lads breast, with the word bishop on
1t, and dad had been drinking absinthe
and he thought the badge was kind
OF sign of nobility. Well, you'd adide
to see the bunch of women that were
there to meet dad. What's the matter
here?" said dad. as he saw the crowd
= of women. looking like they were
there in answer To an advertisement
for nurses. told dad to stand up in
the carriage. like bowie does In Chi
cago, and hold out his hands and say:
"Bless you, my children" and when
dad got up to bless them. the reporter
and got out Of the carriage. and the
reporter. which could talk French. said
for ell the women who wanted to b.
The L'Anse sentinel. (L'Anse, L.S., Mich.) 18??-current, 1905-05-20

porter and I went to the jail to-get
him out, but we had to buy new suit
Of clothes for him, as everything was
torn of him In the Mormon rush. Dad
was sight when we found him in
jail. and he thought his bones were
broken. and he wanted to know what
was the cause of his sudden popularity
with the fair sex. and told him 1t all
came from his looking so COMPOUNDED
distinguished and his flirting with
women. He said he would swear he
never looked at one of those women in
tone of voice that would deceive
Sunday school teacher, and he felt as
though he was being misunderstood in
France. We told him the only way to
get out of jail was to say he was a
crowned head from Oshkosh, travelling
incog, and when he began to stand on
his dignity and demand that a mes
senger be sent for the president Of
France, to apologize for the treatment
he had received, the jailer and police
Begged his pardon and we dressed him
up in his new clothes and got him out
and We went to the Eiffel tower to get
some fresh air.
suppose you have seen pictures Of
the Eiffel tower, ON the advertisements
of breakfast food in your grocery, but
you can form no idea of the height and
magnificence OF the tower by studying
advertisements. You may think that
the pictures you see of world events on
your cans of baked beans and maple
syrup and soap, give you the benefit Of
foreign travel. but it does not. You
have got to see the real thing or you
are not fit to even talk about what you
think you haveseen. Yourememberthat
Ferris wheel at the Chicago worlds
fair, and how we thought 1t was the
greatest thing ever made of steel, so
high that II made us dizzy to look to
the top of 1t, and when We went up on
the wheel we thought we could see the
end we marveled at the work Of man
and prayed that we be permitted to get
down off that wheel alive, and not be
spilled down through the rarified Chi
cago atmosphere and fattened on the
pavement so thin we would have to be
scraped up of the pavement with a
case knife, like a buckwheat cake that
sticks to the griddle.
You remember, old man, how you
cried when our sentence to ride in the
Ferris wheel expired, and the jailer of
the wheel opened the cell and let us
out, and you said no one would ever
get you to ride again on anything that
you couldn't Jump out of II 1t baked, or
The L'Anse sentinel. (L'Anse, L.S., Mich.) 18??-current, 1905-05-20

and dad said: Let her went" anl
after an hour or SO we got to the top.
Gee! but thought dad would fan
dead right there, when he looked on
at Paris and the world beyond. The
flies we had seen at the top before
starting had changed to human beings.
all looking pale and scared, and the
human beings on the ground had
changed into flies and bugs, for all you
could see of man on the ground was
his feet with fiattened plug hat some
way fastened on the ankles, and
woman looked like a spoonful Of rasp-
berry jam dropped on the pavement,
or splash of current jelly moving on
the ground In mysterious way. do
not know as the Eiffel tower was in
tended TO act as q Keeley cure, but Of
the so people who went up with us,
half of them were so full their back
teeth were floating, including dad and
the guide, but when we got to the top
and they got view OF the awful height
to which we had come, 1t seemed as
though every man got sober at once,
and their tongues seemed to cleave to
the roof of their mouths. All they could
do was to look of at the city and the
view in the distance, and choke up,
and look sorry about something.
couldn't help thinking OF what sort
of pulp man would be II he fell off
the top of the tower and struck a fat
woman on the pavement, cause 1t
seemed to me you couldn't tell which
was fat woman and which was man,
never saw such a change In a
man as there was in dad, after he
got his second wind and got his
voice working. He looked like a
man who had made up his mind to
lead different life and begin right
there. There was Salvation Army
man and woman in the crowd and dad
went up to them. He took out ive-
dollar bill and put 1t in the tambourine
woman: Now, look 3 here, l wart to
join your church. and IL you have got
the facilities for giving me the degrees.
you can sign me as Christian right
now. have been bad man, and new
er thought needed the benefits of re-
ligious training, but since | got up
here, so near Heaven. in an elevator
which will bet $40 will break and
kill us all before we get down to Paris,
I want you to prepare me for the here
after quick"
Some of the other fellows laughed at
dad, and the Salvation Army people
looked as though dad was drunk, but
he continued: you can laugh and be
jammed. but I'll never leave this
place until l am a pious man, and you
Salvation Army people have got to en-
list me in your army, for am scared
plum to death. Go ahead and convert
-me, while we wait" The Salvation
Army captain put his hand on dads
head, the girl held out the tambourine
for another contribution, and dad felt
sweet peace come over him, and we
went down in the elevator and took a
hack to the hotel, and dads lips
worked as though in pain. II.
The L'Anse sentinel. (L'Anse, L.S., Mich.) 18??-current, 1905-05-20
The Bad Boy Writes More from Paris
Dad Poses as Mormon Bishop
and They Climb the Eiffel Tower.


BY HON. GEORGE w. PECK.
(Ex-Governor OF Wisconsin, Formerly Pub
Usher OF Peck's Sun, Author of
''Peck's Bad Boy" Etc.
Copyright. 1905. by Joseph b. Bowles)
Paris, France.-Old Pardner in
Crime: got your letter, telling me
about the political campaign that is
raging at home. and when l read it to
dad he wanted to go right out and fill
up on campaign whisky and yell for his
presidential candidate, but he couldn't
md any whisky. SO he has not tried to
carry any precincts of Paris for our
standard-bearer.
There Is something queer about the
liquor here. There is no regular cam
paign beverage. At home you can Sc
lect drink that Is appropriate for any
stage Of a campaign. When the nom
nations are first made you are not ex.
cited and beer and cheese sandwiches
seem to At the case. A little later,
when the orators begin to come out
into the open and shake their hair, you
take cocktails and your eyes begin to
resemble those Of Gagged rat, and you
are ready to quarrel with an opponent.
The next stage in the campaign is the
whisky stage, and when you have got
plenty OF 1t the campaign may be said
10 be open, and you wear black eyes
and lose your teeth, and you
swear strange oaths and smell OF
kerosene, and only sleep in the morn
ing. Then election comes and II your
side wins you drink all kinds of things
at once for a week, shout hoarsely and
then go to the Keeley cure, but II your
party loses you stay home and take a
course of treatment for nervous pros
tration and say you will never mix up
in another campaign.
Here in France 1t is different. The
people have nervous prostration to
start on, start campaign on cham
payne, wind up on absinthe, and after
the votes are counted go to an insane
asylum. do not know what first got
dad to drink absinthe and don't know
what 1t is, but 1t looks like soap suds
tastes like seed cookies and smells like
The L'Anse sentinel. (L'Anse, L.S., Mich.) 18??-current, 1905-05-20
Executions.

Jobson-Friends are the greatest con-
solutions one can have in this world.
Bobson-You evidently never met any
of the candid variety.-Detroit Free Press.
The L'Anse sentinel. (L'Anse, L.S., Mich.) 18??-current, 1905-05-20
Private Car Lines.

The railroads seem very willing to
have the private car lines brought un-
der the Jurisdiction Of the Interstate
Commerce Commission. A railroad
president is authority for the state
ment that lines are paid mileage. with
out discrimination, and the question of
excessive charges is a matter for the
shipper to settle with the car lines, SO
long as there is no law to govern their
rates. Car mileage paying has been de-
cided to be as legal as the payment Of
rental for property.
The L'Anse sentinel. (L'Anse, L.S., Mich.) 18??-current, 1905-05-20
PAINFUL SC|ATICA
EVERY THE VERY
QUICKEST CURE.
Mr.. Donovan Thinks the Remedy Used by
Him with Such Remarkable Success
the Best-Cured by Five Boxes.

Him with Such Remarkable Success
the Best-Cured by Five Boxes.
"Men who have to do difficult and
dangerous work ON electric lines at any
hour Of day or night, can't afford to have
anything the matter with their health"
said Mr.. Donovan. You can imagine,
therefore, how much was alarmed one
winters day in 1902, when was seized
by pain just behind my right hip that
made it difficult for me to walk home.
1t was so bad by the time reached the
house that was obliged to go straight
to bed"
Did that relieve your"
"No, the pain grew more severe and
kept extending downward along my leg.
sent for physician, and he soon de-
cided that had sciatica. In few days
the whole nerve was affected, and the
least movement brought ON terrible
agony"
Ibid your condition improve under
the doctors treatment?"
"Quite the contrary. At ths end OF
two months WASH t a bit better, and at
times I feared that would never be
able to leave my bed"
How did you get out again?"
"Whep was lying in bed, unable to
move and wasting away in flesh, a friend
visited me and told me about the won-
derful cures brought about by great
blood and nerve remedy, DIR. Williams
Pink Pills. He strongly urged me to try
them, and luckily had sense enough to
take his advice"
Did you mend quickly?"
eyes, that was the astonishing thing.
noticed slight improvement before
had quite finished the first box of the
pills, could get out Of bed while was
ON the third box, and was entirely
cured by the time had taken five boxes. !"
/. Mr., Joseph A. Donovan is living at
Plaistow, New Hampshire. and Is line
inspector for the Haverhill, Newton and
Plnistow Electric Street Railway. DIR.
williams Pink Pills are the remedy to
use when the blood is thin. as in an@mia;
or impure, as in rheumatism; or when
the nerves are weak, as in neuralgia; or
lifeless, as in partial paralysis; or when
the body as whole is ill-nourished, as
in general debility. They are sold by
all druggists.
The L'Anse sentinel. (L'Anse, L.S., Mich.) 18??-current, 1905-05-20
Phewi

Young Lady Ito perfumer)-I don't
think you forwarded the scent
meant; it doesn't seem the same as
what l ordered.
Punning Shopman-I am sure.
madam, what you meant | sent; the
scent | sent was the scent you meant;
therefore we are both of one sent
iment-Ally Sloper.
The L'Anse sentinel. (L'Anse, L.S., Mich.) 18??-current, 1905-05-20

were very irregular, dark colored and
full Of sediment. The Pills cleared IL
all up and have not had an ache in
my back since taking the last dose.
My health generally Is improved a
great deal"
Observation-Disclosures Co, Buffalo,
N. Y. For sale by all dealers, price 10
cents pcrbox. y "
The L'Anse sentinel. (L'Anse, L.S., Mich.) 18??-current, 1905-05-20

you got wheels In your head and
chunks of things came up to your Ad-
ans apple end choked you. Well, cross
my heart, II that Ferris wheel, tina,
looked so big to us, would make main
spring for the Eiffel tower. That to wer
is higher than kite. and when you
get near 1t and try to look up 10 the
top, you think 1t is a joke, and that
really no one actually goes up to the
top of it. You see some flies up around
the top of 1t. and when the guide tells
you the flies crawling around there are
men and women. you think the guide
has been drinking.
But dad and and the guide paid our
money, got into an elevator and began
to go up. After the thing had been go
ing up awhile dad said he wouldn't 20
up more than mile or 20 at first. and
asked the man to let him on at the
3,000-foot level. but the elevator man
said dad had got to take all the degrees
The L'Anse sentinel. (L'Anse, L.S., Mich.) 18??-current, 1905-05-20
QUICK RESULTS.

"Doan's Kidney
Pills proved a
very efficient
remedy In my
-cnse. ] used
them for disor-
dered kidneys
and backache,
from which 1
inexperienced
a great deal Of
tr on bic and
pain. The kid
ney secretions
The L'Anse sentinel. (L'Anse, L.S., Mich.) 18??-current, 1905-05-20

Write to s. G. Warner, G. p. ct. A..
Kansas City Southern Ry., Kansas City,
Mo-, for information concerning free
Government Homesteads, New Colony
Locations, Improved farms, Mineral lands.
Rice lands, and Timber lands and for,
copy Of Current Events" Business OBJ
portunities, Rice book, X. C. S. Fruit
book. Cheap round trip homeseekers'
tickets on sale first and third Tuesdays Of
each month. The short line to the Land
of Fulfllment."
A smooth tongue has caused many .
man to slip.-N. .. Picayune.
The Corvallis times. (Corvallis, Or.) 1888-1909, 1905-04-22

All new wall paper at Blackledge's.
The Corvallis times. (Corvallis, Or.) 1888-1909, 1905-04-22
HOW IT FLUcTUATED.
Bake Oven One Day and Iceberg the
Next-The Mercury at Kansas
City.

w. D. DeVarney arrived Tues
day from three weeks business
trip to Kansas City. After year
in Oregon, the old familiar. Kansas
City weather nettled him. It was
this way. The. sun shone bright
on Sunday morning, btif Mr.. De
Varney could not, because it was
so wrinkled, wear his new spring
suit. So he went out in his heavy
double breasted affair. AS the.
sun rose higher and higher, its
heat and that of the double-breas
ed worried him. Before the after
noon wore away, the mercury had
risen to 90, and Mr.. D. was bad
ly wilted and faded flower from
Webfoot. That eve his spring
Esuit went to the tailor with hurry
instructions. It was handed into
his room next morning before he.
had arisen, all pressed and ready
for use. By the same hand that
brought it, the double-breasted
went to the tailor. Then he had
Ito wear the light suit. And when
he got outside, he found the day,
as cold as the day before had been
hot. It was, indeed, fierce. Cold
blasts from the north whistled
through DeVarney's rigging and
made him shiyer like spring
lamb in a refrigerator. His teeth
tchattered, and his nose was blue
whenever he ventured outside. He
borrowed friends overcoat, but it
only kept his upper works warm.
By nightfa1l. he was guessing over
the question of whether he was a
tender Webfoot bud in Kansas
City, or in an ice cream freezer.
The experience, after the even tenn
perature of Willamette leads Mr..
D. to declare that he wouldn't give
six bits for Kansas City if he had
to live in it as the price Of owner
ship.
The Corvallis times. (Corvallis, Or.) 1888-1909, 1905-04-22
BUILDING A MINIATURE CITY.
Spokane wifi Show Herself IN Hand
Carved Reproduction at Fair

One Of the exhibits at the Lewis
and Clark Exposition will be the
city Of Spokane. Wash, Spokahe
in miniature is now being Built.
A civil engineer and an artist are
the builders, and the Spokane
Chamber of Commerce is the spon-
sor. The minute city, a beautiful
reproduction, with stream of wat
er to represent Spokane Falls, will
occupy a room in the balcony above
the mining exhibit in the Wash
ington state building at the fair,
and Spokane people will proudly
point out the places of interest in
their city without finding it neces-
sary to take the tourist thither.
To the sightseer, the city will ap-
pear as if seen from an elevation
over the river at !. Jefferson street,
and he will be looking away to the
north, the. east and the south.
The foundation of the city, which
will include the streets, curbs and
sidewalks, will be of cement from
two inches to six inches thick.
The district to be represented
will be on an absolute scale of 80
feet to the inch, which will make
the exhibit 10 x II feet.
The buildings will bs. hand carv-
ed from pine. Each city block will
be made separately and will be
fastened upon the cement founda-
ton by devels. That will permit
the whole thing to be taken apart
for shipment. After the details OF
all the business buildings are carved
they will be painted in the actual
co1ors of the structures. The
bridges will be produced efwood
and wire. The outlying portions
of the city will be painted on can
vas and adroitly joined to the little
city so as to appear in actual per-
spective.
The Corvallis times. (Corvallis, Or.) 1888-1909, 1905-04-22

Estimates cheerfu1ly given on any
kind Of concrete work at Whitney's.
The Corvallis times. (Corvallis, Or.) 1888-1909, 1905-04-22
BUT ONE SURVIVES.
The Red Fox in Benton. What
Hounds and Hunters did.

The career of the red fox in Ben
ton was short lived. Times read
ers will remember that two local
citizens imported two pair of them
from Dakota last year. Of the pair
taken by Ed Davis, one was stran-
gled by its chain before it was set
at liberty. The other was chased
by hounds in the vicinity of the
Locke hill, and, shot for a coyote.
Of the Avery pair, one got away
while it was yet in confinement at
the owners home in, this city. and
the other was at once set at liberty.
That happened shortly after arrival
from the East. Nothing was
heard of therf until last week,
when, the story is, red fox was
chased by hounds and shot in the
vicinity of J. M. Stats place near
the southern boundary of Polk
county. If, as reported, the an
imal was a red fox, it must have
been one of the Avery imports.
What indicates this to be true is
that Mr.. Stats, who was in town
Wednesday, says that there were
two of the animals in the chase at
the time the one was killed. IF the
story is true. of the four animals
imported, but one survives.
The Corvallis times. (Corvallis, Or.) 1888-1909, 1905-04-22
COUNTY OWNS IT
New Road Grader-Its use Watched
by Many in Demonstration
& tuesday.

? Demonstlations by an expert of
the virtues d new grader last
Tuesday and Wednesday resulted
IN the purchase Of the machine for
use by Benton. The demonstra-
ton took place on the Oak Creek
road between the bridge and the
nrst turn near the hill at the west
ward. A number of the road su-
'pervisors. both county commits
sioners and County Judge Waters,
as well as a considerable number
of citizens, were witnesses for great
er or less periods of the perform
ance. Six horses were used, and a
day and a half was given up to the
demonstration. It did not end un
til the stretch of road from the
bridge to the turn had been COM
pletely graded. The machine was
shown to possess virtues that the
ordinary graders in use by the
county do not have. A hinge or
pivot enables the wheels to be can't
ed atany desired angle. They
can be so set. that the machine may
be.on side hill grade at an angle
of IS degrees and yet all the wheels
stand straight up. The value Of
the device is best known to men
accustomed to use graders. By
means of it the shoulders OF a ditch
two feet deep were cut away, and
the dirt thrown to either side as de-
sized, The machine is to be used
insspecial instances where the 9TH
er county graders cannot do the
work. Its cost was $425,
The Corvallis times. (Corvallis, Or.) 1888-1909, 1905-04-22
For Sale.

Two work horses. w. K. Taylor.
The Corvallis times. (Corvallis, Or.) 1888-1909, 1905-04-22
YATES & YATES.
Blackledge's.

Bert Yates and w. E, Yates have
formed a partnership under the
firm name of Yates & Yates. They
expect to do general insurance
and abstract business. They re-
present good reliable insurance
companies, and will furnish accur-
ate, neat and complete abstracts of
Benton county property at reason
able prices. Call on or write 10
Yates & Yates, Corvallis, Or.
The Corvallis times. (Corvallis, Or.) 1888-1909, 1905-04-22
Stockholders of Corvallis Indepen.
dent Tel. Co.

Notice is hereby given that the annual
meeting of the stockholders of the Cor
Wallis Independent Telephone Company
will be held at the Office of the Company
in Ziezo1f building in Corvallis, Oregon,
on Wednesday, the 10th day of May,
1905, at the hour of eight O'Clock in the
evening, for the purpose of electing di-
rectors for the ensuing year, and the
transaction of such other business as
may legally come before the meeting.
Robert Johnson, sec.
Corvallis, Or.April s, 1905.
The Corvallis times. (Corvallis, Or.) 1888-1909, 1905-04-22
For Sale.

Seed wheat and Burbank pota-
toes.
f25-tf Roy Rickard.
The Corvallis times. (Corvallis, Or.) 1888-1909, 1905-04-22

The S. P. is selling round trip
tickets between Corvallis and Port
land for IS good going Saturdays
or Sundays and returning Sunday
or Monday following, either on
East or West side, but good only
on afternoon traip from Albany to
Portland on Saturdays if East side
is taken. Passengers to pay local
fare between Corvallis and Albany.
Largest line of mating in the city at
Blackledge's.
The Corvallis times. (Corvallis, Or.) 1888-1909, 1905-04-22

Blocks for chimneys at Whitney's.
The Corvallis times. (Corvallis, Or.) 1888-1909, 1905-04-22
Lost.

/ Lart Tuesday on the Wyatt road, be-
tween Philomath and the John Wyatt
gate, black purse containing $40.
Finder will please leave the purse at the
Times Office and receive reward.
The Corvallis times. (Corvallis, Or.) 1888-1909, 1905-04-22

Six dozen school hats for children, 80
cents each at Mrs, ]. Mason's 3rd st.
The Corvallis times. (Corvallis, Or.) 1888-1909, 1905-04-22
Again Open.

The repair department of my bicycle
and sporting goods business is again
open for business second door south of
postofice, Quick repairing Or first ella SIS
work specially.
James z. Berry,
The Corvallis times. (Corvallis, Or.) 1888-1909, 1905-04-22
Musical Instruments.

For first class piano and organs at
prices unheard of elsewhere see or phone
NJ. A. Goodrough, 4th st. and door
north Of court house.