davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Fairmont West Virginian. (Fairmont, W. Va.) 1904-1914, 1905-09-02

wANTED-A waiter for hotel. Good
wages. Apply Fairmont Employment
Bureau.
The Fairmont West Virginian. (Fairmont, W. Va.) 1904-1914, 1905-09-02

WANTED-Lady or gentleman of fair
education to travel for firm OF $3.50. 900
capital. Salary s1.072 per year, pay
able weekly. Expenses advanced. Adj
dress Geo. G. CLOVIS, Fairmont, w. Va.
The Fairmont West Virginian. (Fairmont, W. Va.) 1904-1914, 1905-09-02

FOR Reimbursement room. front
ing on. Parks avenue, under Citizens
Dollar Savings Bank.
The Fairmont West Virginian. (Fairmont, W. Va.) 1904-1914, 1905-09-02

Statesmen wANTED-=To look after
our interest in Marion and adjacent
counties. Salary or commission. Ad-
dress Lincoln OIL Co.. Cleveland. o.
The Fairmont West Virginian. (Fairmont, W. Va.) 1904-1914, 1905-09-02

AGENTS WANTED-The new edition
Of Rand McNally's map of West vir-
ginla complete and up to date, for
sale, delivered $3.50. by T. Lauter-
bach. 212 Madison street, Fairmont
Sub agents wanted in every township,
good commission. z;
The Fairmont West Virginian. (Fairmont, W. Va.) 1904-1914, 1905-09-02

That's right says he. Now when
you go back to New York City, you'll
take note to friend of mine, and
you'll be taken care of there. And
wherever am, Bus, always come and
say howdy. The DOORS open.'"
The Fairmont West Virginian. (Fairmont, W. Va.) 1904-1914, 1905-09-02

WANTED QUICK-Men and women
at every town and postofiice to can
vass and sell our goods at two dollars
per day. Write Lock Box 344. Fair
mont, w. Va.
, 1905-04-05
A Tragedy Averted.

Raymond paused, and his hand trem-
bled so that he could hardly speak.
Great beads of sweat that did not rep
resent an ounce of even stale bread
stood upon his marble brow. There
were two p%eculiarities about Ray
mond's brow-not only was it marble,
but when it sweat the brand that it
turned out was not of the proletarian
order. Therefore he often said what
was the good of sweating as long as it
brought in no bread.
When his pause had been of sufficient
duration to permit his thought factory
to send out a great gust of vibrations
that dried the eyidenees of fright and
set his classic fea res in harmony
with the universe, he drew a long sigh
of relief and returned the necktie that
he had beer about to don to the box.
"By George, | almost forgot that
Maude says that she just hates that
tie" he muttered as he made another
S lection and went on with his toilet.
he chairs relaxed, the bristlcs on
the hairbrush subsidized, and the electric
ity with which the air had been sur
charged died away, and all was peace
once more.
, 1905-04-05

he said regretfully, but it's got to be-"
Then in a louder voice: Here, you fell
lers, see that stone over t'other side
the street? Well, every one who's got
a bottle shy at that, and the one who
breaks into the most pieces will go
with Billy to see about the ring and
license. Then We'll all club in for a
present and
Billy's head went up suddenly. His
eyes were moist.
mo, no." he protested; Il don't want
no present, gentlemen. I've been work
ing hard up there and have got some
ahead. I'm all right longs l can keep
away from that stuff"
"Shut up, Billy" O'Neil retorted IN
%graciously. "'Tain't you; it's a present
for the bride. And l reckon we'd bet
ter make 1t two of our best ponies.
They'll be handy's anything up among
them Mennonite farmers. Now, fell
lers, one, two, three. and crash" And
with the last word a half dozen or
more bottles delivered from as many
unerring hands crashed against the
stone.
, 1905-04-05
A COnHiderafe. JudGe.

Baron Martin, an English justice,
whose native leniency and sense of fun
often placed him at the mercy of the
very men he was trying, was once
about to sentence an old offender
charged with a petty theft.
Look" said the baron, with an as
sumption of severity, Il hardly know
what to do, but you can TAX six
months"
81 can't take that, my lord; it's too
much,' said the prisoner respectfully,
but firmly. Il can't take it. Your
lordship sees | didn't steal very much,
after all"
The baron INDUCED In one of his low,
c~huckling laughs before replying.
WELL, that's vera true; ye didn't steal
much,' he said. well, then, ye can
TAX foul months. Will that de-four
months"
"Nay, my lord, but l can't take that.
neither" said the prisoner patiently.
Then TAN three
That's nearer the mark, my lord"
the prisoner said %approvingly. But I'd
rather you made it two, If you will be
so kind"
"Vera we'll, then. TAX two" said the
Judge, with the air of one who Is pleas
ed to have lone the right thing at last.
"And, mind, don't come again. If you
do I'll give ye-well, 1t all depends!'
, 1905-04-05

you make me now" I
look at that, Billy" said O'Neill
holding up a bottle between Billy'S
eyes and tfe sun. Don't that loolS
good? Just see how it smiles! It'd
the very best in town, and we've gof
more bottles in waiting. There's ten
whole glasses for you, Billy-just for
you. Think how it'll feel running
down your throat and remember how
drinking the whole thing myself, But
here, Billy"
He reached out the bottle suddenly,
and Billy's hands-both of them-went
hungrily toward it. His eyes were
shining, his lips trembling, his whole
form in a culver, but even then, with
an almost superhuman effort, he forced
his arms back to his sides.
"Don't, O'Neil!' he implored. Don't,
don't, don'tr' his voice rising quaver-
ingly. You know how It's with me,
Please don't. | don't want it."
It'll do you good" in1exibly. you
are getting thin from going without it
SO long, and it's better to enjoy the
stuff trickling down your throat slow
than to have it poured down in bot
ties full. You know what we say
goes, Billy, and you must drink the
whole thing"
Billy dropped upon his knees.
Don't" he repeated duly. 81 don't
want to. If l smell | can't stop then.
You and mes been good friends,
O'Neil, and I've danced and and
drunk a lot for you. Let me off this
time. And-and, if you don't mind,
I'd like to say why"
ooh, let the poor devil make his con-
f~ession, O'Neil," interposed n of the
cowboys good naturally. you know
how it's with Patterpat. If he smells,
as he says, he won't stop easy. It'll be
two months before he sobers up. Let
him start in right"
Billy shot him a grateful look.
"It's like this" he said, with a pa
thetic eagerness in his voice. six
months ago I happened to be up in
the country, and | saved a girls life.
She was caught by a bear, and-and 1
D l acted some brave. Anyhow,
she and her folks thought so and took
me in. Since then I've been up there,
and l amt tasted a drop, and I've been
feelin' that mebbe l could make some
thing Of myself some time, like I used
to think IA long while ago." Their
was a little catch in his voice; then he
went on in lower tones: me and the
girl was to be married. I came down
today for a ring and license. They
believe In me up there, and I've Joined
in with them, and"-his eyes suddenly
becoming steady and aggressive at a
giggle from one of the c~owboys-"if
'twan't for the whisky | believe | could
be a good man again-a better n than
you could ever be, Danny. But, of
course'-his voice again dropping and
his hand reaching mechanically toward
the bottle-''this will finish it all. Up
there they don't have anything strong
to drink, and-and they never suspect
ed l was that way. When they find
this out it'll be over with us. I'll run
through myself soon's l can, and-and
the girl and they'll feel sorry, but you'll
have your dance carnival. So we won't
all lose. Now you a give me the bot
tie, O'Neil."
But O'Neil was holding the bottle
I'D between his own eyes and the sun.
"Seems a pity to spill such good stnf."
, 1905-04-05
BILLY
By FRANK II. S Get
D Copyright, 1904, by Frank IL. Sweet



ONeil stepped to the door of the
saloon, holding his glass so he could
see the colors of the sunlight through
the liquor. The street was
lively deserted, for when COWBOYS were
IN town 1t was customary for the in
habitants to bethink themselves of
needed duties indoors. The color of
the liquor proving satisfactory, O'Neirs
hand dropped from it's significant posi-
ton on his hip pocket, and his eyes
swept the street.
Hike here, you fellers!' he yelled
suddenly. Wonders Billy Patterpat
turning the corner Let's cover the
street and corral him and then make
him dance"
"Huh!' drawled another cowboy
who was leaning against the counter.
emptying glasses and finging them at
whoever he thought might not be able
to dodge and holding his revolver in
readiness to meet possible objection to
his p~layfulness, "Patterpat won't
dance. He's Joined the little party Of
Mennonites up country and gone plain.
Amt you heard? Billy amt frivolous
any more"
Were goin' to give him a drink
first" significantly. There won't be
trouble then. You used to know Billy"
The figure at the counter straight
ened. "Why of course, of course he
, 1905-04-05

conceded, "a good drink will be oil
for Patterpat's feet. l did used to
know Billy. The only trouble with
him was that all his brains and fun
and everything was jest in his feet,
and with them gone plain there
couldn't be no Patterpat any more.
Well oil 'em with Billy's special linn
berer."
AS they filed out a newcomer from
Texas looked d~iscontentedly at O'Neil.
ANY special inducement bout that
Patterpat's feet?" he inquired. 1--WE
been pretty comfortable sitting ON the
counter. We have dancing down to
Texas"
Better go back there" CURLY, "or
go sit or the counter if you like. AS
to inducement, there amt only one
dancer, and that's Patterpat. I've been
to Frisco and to Kansas City and to
Chicago, and I've seen dancin'-least-
ways what they called dancin'-but
I've never seen but n Patterpat,
only he has to be limbered up with
great jugs of whisky first. Then his
legs are all wheels and parabolas and
ricoshays and scintillates. Now, you
stand right here, and I'll canter out to
the middle of the street. That's him
comm yonder and beginnin' to dodge
already. That's the way he used to
do, and we had to round him like we
would a wild mustang and then fill
him up"
Billy Patterpat was a block and a
half away, coming on slowly and look
ing from side to side for some avenue
Of escape. The gradual spreading of
the cowboys across the street brought
up memories of past experiences, and
his eyes had begun to grow troubled
and full Of apprehension. AT length he
stopped and looked back, but it was too
late now. Several of the cowboys
were near their mustangs, and as he
turned they swung into their saddles
and dashed up the street. In a few
moments he was In their midst, strug-
Cling and protesting, his eyes big with
terror of what he felt was coming.
Don't you give it to me, gentlemen"
he pleaded. I'm plain now, and 1t
wouldn't be right. Amt danced in six
months and amt tasted a drop. Don't
, 1905-04-05
Not That Kind.

Billy Boy-We often entertain angels
unawareS.
Fanny Footlight-What a pity We
cannot recognize them! If l could just
pick one l might be on the road at the
head of a show.
, 1905-04-05
HumOr ono Philosophy
PERT PARAGRAPHS.
By DUNCAN M. SMITH

Before acquiring a daughter-in-law
the modern club woman assures herself
that the young lady's views concerning
Wagner, Browning and social reform
are in accord with her own.
Anxiety is n of the conditions that
a man is in when he is wondering how
his wife will take it.
When Il woman won't she usually has
something equally good up her sleeve.
A good joke doesn't need IA letter of
Introduction.
Revenge may be sweet, but stock in
the sugar trust is really more satisfy
ing.
Some people couldn't find work if
they went after it armed with a search
warrant and a writ of habeas corpus.
That man may be said to be respecta-
BILE who can answer every day the
bread and butter question.
, 1905-04-05
lust a Hint.
mo: we are strangers"

"You are not calling IN Miss Likely
any more?"
"No; we are strangers"
"Did she give you the bounce?"
ooh, no; she was very cordial the
last time l called, but she had been
eating onions and seemed inclined to
encourage me when l wanted to kiss
her"
, 1905-04-05
Misfits.

Wives Of great men oft remind us,
AS we measure up their size,
That in picking out a woman
Oft a great man is not wise.
, 1905-04-05
Guessed at the Cause.

"Is he superstitious?"
"Very; he thinks the reason he does
not get along better is because his
wages are $13 a week."
, 1905-04-05
He Had STATED.

"Did you ever try your hand at skat.
ing, Mr.. Blinkers?"
"Yes-well-er-that is, my hand and
several other parts"
, 1905-04-05
Get Even Then.

Set EVen nSn' =
Don't grumble when
the day is cold
Or to your wrath
give vent.
For you can gloat
when you be-
come
The old ~inhabitant.
, 1905-04-05
Dope.

Twinkle, twinkle,
cheap cigar;
How l wonder
what you are!
Cabbage leaf and
cable rope,
Rubber boots and
dash of dope.
, 1905-04-05
His Income.

"Will you marry me?"
"How many ciphers are there to your
income?'
at is all ciphers."
The Jasper news., 1905-09-14
ROADS WITHOUT MONEY.
PLAN ADVOCATED BY BOARD OF
AGRICULTURE.
The ID Ward King Plan OF Dragging
Tire Roads Recommended by
The Board


This week : agricultural letter tells
how 70 have good roads without money.
II reacs n5 follows:
Permanent roads. that Is. ropds with
hard surface, which are good at AL,
season Of the year, are am expensive i'm
proyemont for any community. bat may
be- had in any good agricultural district
OF Missouri il Ghe reopie viii make uu
cher minds that they need this i'm.
proyemen;.
Good dirt roads, however may chad
where the traffic Is 90. too great. ior a
less expenditure than is aow made Oh
the average road OF the State.
The best Ian for improving every
mile Of road in the county, So far as NY
observation goes, is the plan recently
adol ted after thorough campaign OF
the county IN the interested betterruad,
made recently by the Missouri state
Board Of Agriculture, through its re.
prrscntatiye, Mr. y Ward King Of Matt
land. Missouri. The plan is TO divide
the entire mileage Of the county W 10.
to short sections and the county court
will appoint a wiGe.aNakc farmer to
have charge Of each section Of the road.
twill Boz the duty OF the farmer To drag
the road every time it needs it, and that
will moan nt.pr cyrry rain, or after
every thaY In the winter or suring.
The Jasper news., 1905-09-14

q g Heinz Picking vinegar and they
will always be crisp and fresh. Sod by
HoncNn, a Sln.
The Jasper news., 1905-09-14
It il fine imitation of American Gut
Glass and the price on it is
IOC for ( & 8 inch
Berry Bowls

zoe and 25c for All other goods in
proportion.
The Jasper news., 1905-09-14

Are sou lacking ln strength ana WIG
or? Are you weak: Areyou in pain:
DO you fee. aIl rGu down; The rless-
ing Of health auG strength como TO all
who use lIo!i.s,er'- Rocky Mountain
Tea. 70 ccnls. J X. S.haolpr
Perrysburg journal. (Perrysburg, Wood Co., O. [Ohio]) 186?-1965, 1905-07-21

consisting of two puffs and a deep
we prefer a less fussy design.
At the moment the shops are selling
batiste and other thin patterns at
prices much reduced, and now is good
time to buy and make ones summer
negligee. Until the hot weather is
really upon us we do not seem to know
what is the best way to make the sum
mer costumes. All fashions are settled
by now; we have had full opportunity
to see what is worn.
To turn from house dresses. A love-
ly travelling dress recently brought to
our notice consisted of Russian-blue
poplin, a waist of pongee in the same
shade It was all so cool and comfort
able looking, and suit that would
so easily shed dust. 1t seemed just the
thing for summer travel.
There is nothing smarter for coun-
try wear this summer in the way Of
shirt-waist suits than the ones made
of calico. Their first cost is slight
but the laundry bills! For the girl
that wants to look on at athletic sports
but take no part herself, the white
serge suit is favorite. White linen
is craze this year some girls are
aiming to appear in it the summer
through; tailor suit of moderate
weight for day time, the thinnest of
handkerchief linen for evenings. Lin
ems are declared to be in fashion for
all occasions save travelling.
Slowly we are learning to appreciate
the little cape wraps of silk and other
lightweight materials. Sometimes lace
is used for the cape, sometimes linen is
employed, again thin cloth. They are
so convenient to throw on of a sum-
mer evening, and really are more be-
coming than the boa of such long SER
vice. OF shot silk they suggest ye old
en- days, and are as picturesque and be-
coming as the old-fashioned fripperieS
worn by our grandmothers.
Gilt belts are worn, and, when good,
are quite expensive. Narrower belts
are promised, and it is more than prob
able this fall we shall have the prin-
cess effect, the waist fitting over the
skirt without the use OF bodice or
belt of any sort.
Perrysburg journal. (Perrysburg, Wood Co., O. [Ohio]) 186?-1965, 1905-07-21
Child Saves a Train.

Altoona, Pa.-Little Wallace Moore,
aged eight, barefooted and ragged, the
son of farmer living near Osceola,
13 miles southeast of here, with rare
presence of mind for one of his years
saved a passenger train on the Tyrone
division of the Pennsylvania railroad
from certain disaster and probably
prevented injury, if not death, to 12S
passengers.
The lad, while playing about the
railroad tracks which run near his
home, noticed that switch leading to
a spur, at the end of which was an
embankment, had been opened.
fastening to clear stretch of road,
he stationed himself in the middle of
the tracks and breathlessly awaited the
approach OF the train. He swung his
arms, and, grabbing his hat. waved il
madly. Engineer Franks became
alarmed when the boy showed no signs
of leaving the track, and quickly ap-
plying the emergency brakes stopped
the train within a few feet of where
the boy was standing.
Perrysburg journal. (Perrysburg, Wood Co., O. [Ohio]) 186?-1965, 1905-07-21

act of fastening her veil, Miss Sim
mons received the telegram, which
read:
Have gone away. Will never see
you again
Miss Simmons, it is said saw Roser
several days before the date set for the
wedding, at which time all of the de-
tails were arranged. She sent invita-
tions to $50 friends, and they were
assembling when the telegram arrived
at the expected brides home.
She burst into tears, but later decid-
ed not to let anything interfere with
the pleasure of her guests. She read
the telegram to them, and then Or
dered the dancing to begin. Roser was
apparently soon forgotten, except by
two OF Miss Simmons brothers, who
are determined to interview him.
Perrysburg journal. (Perrysburg, Wood Co., O. [Ohio]) 186?-1965, 1905-07-21
Old Couple Divorced After Living To-
gether for Thirty-Seven Years.
HAD NOT SPOKEN SINCE 'S4
Uncle Ham and Aunt Julia" Grubbs Re.
fused to Settle Their Long Standing Diff
ferences and Courts Separate Them
at the Old Lady's Request-The
Parents of Six Children.

them over. "Uncle Ham" came out Of
the house and agreed with the peddler
that they were the finest geese in all In
diana
What dye want for them?" asked
the peddler.
Uncle Ham" named his price, good
round figure, that was more than the
market value of the geese and enough
to add a pretty penny to the bank ac-
count that was growing most encourag-
ingly year after year.
The bargain was closed just as Mrs.
Grubbs appeared in the farmhouse door
Say, what's that man want with my
geese, Ham?" she called.
He's buyin' 'em," shouted back her
husband. IT'S all right, mother; he's
paying all they're worth"
Now don't you do no such thing,
Ham Grubbs," cried Mrs. Grubbs, hur-
rying down to the shade of the tree un-
der which Uncle Ham and the peddler
were driving their bargain. I've been
a-savin' those geese for their down.
I'm a-goin' to make feather beds out
of it."
Now see here, julie" expostulated her
husband, this man is paying good
stiff sum for these here geese, and we
can raise more of them. Besides,
never slept under a feather bed and
never will"
well, Ham Grubbs," retorted his
wife, hotly, Il have and I'm a-goin' to
do it again. don't care what you do! -
Ham" Grubbs wanted the addition
| to his bank account; his wife wanted the
| feather beds. One hasty word led to
another and it ended by Mrs. Grubbs
flouncing back to the farmhouse and
the peddler carrying off the geese, for
which he paid the farmers price.
When Ham" Grubbs got back to the
| house he found his wife still indignant
/ There were more words, and then Uncle
Ham" said something which never
should have been said.
Vow Never to Speak Again.
'T'll never speak to you again!" de
clared Mrs. Grubbs.
"All right" retorted her husband
do as you like"
All the children heard the quarrel
Those old enough to understand began
to cry. Husband and wife realized tina
their sudden determination never Il
speak again might result In broke,
home and distress to the six little ones
Don't worry about them, Han
Perrysburg journal. (Perrysburg, Wood Co., O. [Ohio]) 186?-1965, 1905-07-21

part of the brim sometimes come well
down over the back. The turbans seem
universally becoming, may be said to
be the most popular feature of this
seasons millinery. Our design shows
an attractive and rather unusual mod
ell. with trimming fore and aft.
It is worth while to consider that a
woman is able to get up her summer
outfit from cheap materials in a highly
satisfactory way. In winter thick
stuffs must be high-priced to be pre-
sentable, but summer materials of low
price are often extremely pretty. We
have in mind some pretty chambrays
and cotton voiles in the way of suits
that are as pretty as need be. They
cost but a few cents yard. it takes
but few yards to make them; and
there for trihe one gets ones gowns.
Employ dressmaker at home-if you
can't make them yourselves-and IN q
trlce you will have frocks Of good
Style. Wear shoss, belts and stocks OF
Perrysburg journal. (Perrysburg, Wood Co., O. [Ohio]) 186?-1965, 1905-07-21

Since the worlds fair test in Chi
cago, when a steam engine in a tug
of war contest succeeded in dragging
an electric locomotive back. the deveI-
opment of the latter has steadily pro-
gressed until it has reached stage
where the electric locomotive assumes
superiority. 1t has been so greatly iu-
creased in size, weight and power that
recent tests prove it to be more than
able to hold its own. Between a spe-
cially selected Pacific type steam pas
senger engine and the latest model of
electric locomotive the latter came out
we'll ahead in all of the trial runs. In
addition the weight of the trains be-
hind the locomotives was 56 tons great
er for the electric factor than for it's
competitor, although the greater
weight of the steam locomotive made
the total weight of the trains approxi-
mately equal.
Perrysburg journal. (Perrysburg, Wood Co., O. [Ohio]) 186?-1965, 1905-07-21

Ohio, where they married and pros
pered. Ella at home became the in
termediary between her father and
mother. Every effort of hers at get
ting them to forget the past was an
utter failure. Whenever there were
any matters of Importance to be cor
sidered 1t was Ella who was spokes-
woman for the two years. A few days
ago Ella had her twenty-hrst birthday.
and decided to leave home. SO the
agreement between husband and wife
was ended. Mrs. Grubbs made up her
mind to live there no more, but to go
to the home of one of her sons in Hi
nois who had sided with her in the
long quarrel.
Ella told this news to the old man
Ham" Grubbs is 65 now, and his
wife Is 60. He protested vigorously.
The fact that he never spoke to his
wife, nor she to him had become sec
ond nature to him, and he couldn't see
how he was going to get along with
out her to do the housework. He said
she couldn't go; who would take her
place?
This was the last straw.
! Mrs. Grubbs decided to sue for di-
vorce. Papers were served on Grubbs,
in which he was charged with cruel
and inhuman treatment, and alleging
that he had cursed his wife In the
presence Of their children, and had
said other things to her which no good
husband would say to his wife. There
was hearing before Judge George E.
Downey He investigated and found
that there was absolutely no hope OF
reconciliation between them, though
the quarrel was 81 years old. So the
decree was granted, and judgment
of $4,000 alimony was granted, which
the old man promptly paid.
Mrs. Grubbs has gone to her sons
home now. Uncle Ham" remains al
the old homestead, where he vows he
will end his days alone. And there
is now no prospect whatever of bring
ing the old couple together ever again
as all Miller township knows.