davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-08-05
HUMOR OF THE Day

Mamma. if papa can swear, why can't
my dear. it-that 4s-the same rules
But We are both living with you
Life.
marked St. Peter. "and you voted for the
gas steal?"
eh?''
SLY, wen 5s vas mem H{sr of the
Grimes-You wronged Skinner when you
told me he never would pay back that 80
he borrowed of me. He gave me the mon
Harris-4'l have to beg SINNERS. par
don. Let me congratulate you upon being
flush
Grimes-oh, I haven't any money about
me. After Skinner had paid me the ten
he borrowed a twenty.-Boston Transcript.
Your auto never goes far without
breaking down, does it %
No. that's the beauty of it. It's so easy
dragging it back home, you know.-Puck.
rs this sure enough camelshair brush,
mamma?''
yes. dear"
brush his hair hail with that thing. ''-Houston
Post.
You've been out with a GIRL" declared
Been out with your grandmother" re-
torted Mr.. Jellus, angrily
Then she must have bought wig
sponded Mrs Jellus, removing a long
golden hair from his shoulder. Her own
hair is white. "-Pittsburg Post.
IF a man. is naturally bad, education
won't make him better.
No but it will heip him to keep out Of
| jail.-Cleveland Leader.
She-And are you really so much better
| since returned from trip
abroad?
HlYes. indeed: I'm quite another man.
[ assure you.
She-Well, I'm sure all your friends will
| be delighted to hear it.-Tit-Bits.
Enpec-If I had my way
Dyer-Your wife wouldn't have hers, 1
suppose.-Judge.
Smith-You remember Muggins, who used
to bore us with his long winded stories?
| Jones-Yes; what of him?
| Smith-He was arrested yesterday for
| being short in his accounts.-Chicago
News.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-08-05
The Credulity of Women.

Chairman Shonts of the Isthnian ca
nal commission, said of famous engi-
neer the other day:
Like many another great man, he
has simple and childlike mind. A baby
could take him in. He has the credulity
of a woman"
Mr.. Shonts smiled.
THE credulity of woman" he said.
THE credulity of a mother, a wife, d
sweetheart. Is there anything on earth
to equal that rare and wonderful faith?
But to illustrate womans credulity:
"A young man entered the drawing
room of the girl whom he was soon to
marry.
The girl came down to meet him
with a severe frown on her pretty face.
g john, she said. father saw you this
morning going into q pawnbroker's with
a large bundle
John flushed Then he said in a low
voice:
Yes, that is true. I was taking the
pawnbroker some of my old clothes-
You see, he and his wife are frightfully
hard up
:" oh, Jack. forgive mer exclaimed
the young girl. How truly noble you
arer"-Los Angeles Times.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-08-05
CAN KELLY CONTROL.

The principal Kelly-Dayhoff organ
in the Seventh district. the Hutchinson
Independent, thinks that Kelly will be
able to control the next Republican
state convention as he did the last one,
and it advises him to keep up the
fight. The Salina Journal seems to
doubt Kelly's ability to control the
state convention next year. "Can hep
it asks.
OF course he can if the same tactics
are pursued as controlled in the last
one. 1t will be easy for Kelly to con-
troll the convention if he gets up
enough trump county conventions
and boiling delegations. and if he
can manipulate the powers that be as
he did at Wichita last year.
Kelly is no worse now than he was
last year. We know a little more
about him now-not much more than
we did at the time of the election how
ever. There was enough known about
him at the time of the convention to
prevent those who had the welfare of
the state honestly at heart and who
would look the facts squarely in the
face from supporting him.
Then after Kelly seats his boiling
delegations and controls the state con-
vention, can he not control the ma
jority of the election board, the same
as he did last year? The same men
will comprise it. Secretary of State
Burrow and Attorney General Coleman
decided that Kelly's rump county con-
vention in Miami county was all right,
in spite of Auditor Wells protest. They
knew Kelly pretty well then. Why
shouldn't they do the same for him
Deyt vpar2
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-08-05
THE PROPER THING.

When will Tom Kelly be arrested
for his use of the peoples money?
Would any common thief be allowed
to run at large under such mountains
of evidence Surely somebody is not
attending to his duty. Report says
that Governor Hoch wants to arrest
Kelly, but his advisors will not permit
it. Mr.. Hoch had better cut those
cords and do what his conscience die
tates. If he believes Kelly should be
arrested he is in line with nearly every
voter in the state. If he has a good
reason for deferring the matter he
may yet come out with clean Skirts
Pratt Union.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-08-05
KANSAS CONMENT
TOO TRUE.

a newspaper may give a man the
finest kind of compliments in its col
umns for five days in the week and lie
will meet the reporter with smile
perhaps for the bouquet he has show
cred at him, but just let him say the
least thing that might be construed
otherwise than a compliment on the
other day, and the deuce is to pay.
Inc man never remembers the lot of
good things that the reporter has said
about him, but will raise thunder and
threaten to stop his paper over a
trivial offense that has slipped in
without the least intention of hurting
his feelingS.-Salina Union.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-08-05
REFLECTIONS OF A BACHELOR
TFrom the New York Press.1

IFron the New York Press.
Saving money is a lot of fun for
your heirs.
I.verybody's morality needs a good
strong toric every once in SO often.
4 girI is only indignant with you If
you try to kiss her; she is ripping mad
if you don't.
From the way a woman acts about
it, it must be hard to die and leave her
curly hair ..
Generally man thinks he is distin-
zuished when mis- name sounds rome
thing like mans who is.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-08-05
KANSAS SCHOOL MA'AMs.

a London educator told students Of
the University of Chicago the other day
that teachers must dress brighter. Let
that London educator come out into the
wheat belt and see some of the bloom
ing country school ma'ams in the very
latest dress making and millinery crea-
lions, and he will understand that
brighter dressing is not the need in this
section. Pretty forms and faces, COM
bined with bright dresses, already is
responsible for a shortage of school
ma ans in Kansas and if, those remain
ing adopt this suggestion and dress
brighter Kansas will have to send out
a call for school teachers like she
makes for harvest hands.-Hutchinson
News.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-08-05

disgracefuI state of public affairs as
it does today. Not only is one of the
highest state officials overriding and
defying the laws, but the other off,
GERS who are charged with the en-
forcement of the laws are not pun
ishing him for it, The people are de-
handing better things. but they are
not getting then-except in minor
places, where it doesn't count for
much
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-08-05
Tears in the Milk.

A milkman on rural route. in an
swer to a complaint as to the quality
of milk he was furnishing customer,
tried to square himself as follows:
you see, mum, they don't get
enough grass this time o. year. Why,
them cows o. mine are just as sorry
bout it as I am. I often see 'em
cryin'-reguIar cryin, mun1-'cause
they feel as how their milk don't do
'em credit. Don't you believe it,
NUM-"
ssOh. yes, believe it, responded his
customer; s.but I wish in future you d
Sc that they don't drop their tears into
our can."-Farm and Fireside.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-08-05
FULL LEASED WIRE REPORT
OF THE ASSOCIATED PRESS
HOME NEWS WHILE AWAY.

Subscribers OF the State Journal
away during the summer may have
ahe paper mailed regularly each day
90 any address at the rate of thirty
cents a month. Address changed as
often as desired While cat OF town
the State journal Will be TO you Hike
d daily letter from home.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-08-05

Loan agents complain that Kansas
farmers have so much money that
they won't borrow. They do not seem
to be like the former Equitable off,
GERS who borrowed something over
100000 when they had a million or
two in the banks.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-08-05
WELCOME no KOMURA.

There seem to have been American
Japs in sufficient numbers to give
Baron Komura an American style of
reception when he landed in New York
from the Jersey City ferry buat. An
American brass band had been en-
gagged to play Japanese airs. and even
the "banzai'' cheer had a Yankee
twang to it-Baltimore American.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-08-05
rHAT,S DIEFERENT.

A Kansas man was married in
Washington d. c., Yesterday to girl
from South Carolina and his friends.
as tribute to his native state, deco
rated the church with sun1owers.
But when a man marries in Kansas,
with sunf1owers looking in at the
church windows and nodding for an
invitation, he sends to Chicago for
roses or to Florida for orange bios
Isoms.-Atchison Globe.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-08-05
JOURNAL ENTRIES

Some people appear to think they
to JAIL says the New York Sun. Must
be the Sun knows about Tom Kelly.
You will notice that there are lot
of people at every health resort who
are not there for their health. They
are the ones who separate you from
your money.
Think what a job the interpreter at
the peace conference will have!
A man told Charlie Fellows that A. A.
GODDARD had stopped taking the State
Journal because it prints things about
the Comanche county bond deal. II
was silly er2dgh to stop my paper
once" said Mr.. Fellows. Il borrowed
it of the neighbors when I could, but
the neighbors were most always using
it, so I had to buy it on the street. At
ter 1 paid out more than my subserip-
ton would have come to. and after I
discovered that it wasn't going to bust
the paper, subscribed again.
No wonder Russia is in bad shape.
Just think how you would be if you
had no constitution at all.
1t looks like Emperor William is
anxious to be the Ross Stubs of E.u-
rope.
How would you feel now is you held a
policy in the Equitable and your
premium came due when you had to
borrow the money to keep it up?
Wouldn't you be kind. of mad?
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-08-05

Out at Salt Lake City three Mormon
members of the city council were en-
Joined from voting on a proposition
to give a franchise to a company
owned by the Mormon church. Here
in Topeka we allow the president of
public service corporation to vote
on all matters affecting his company.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-08-05

Now the cotton leak in the depart
ment of agriculture is blamed on to
a woman, of course. The authorities
say that two New York gamblers quar-
relied over the woman, and in that
way the scandal became public!
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-08-05
JUST WELL STARTED.

Many of the Kansas papers are in
error about the battleship Kansas.
which is to christened August IL.
They believe the event marks the
completion of the vessel, whereas it is
only 81 per cent twoard completion.
The contract requires that it shall be
finished by December &c. 1906-sixteen
months yet. 1t was commenced in No
vember, 1903.-Atchison Globe.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-08-05

lightning struck Coney Island twice
within a few minutes. Of course the
advertisements say that Coney Island
is an attractive place, but it was not
expected that the lightning would be
so enthusiastic about it.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-08-05
His Good Omces., ;,

Representative Livingston of Georgia
is telling a good story which illustrated
how the seeker after government jobs
is sometimes puzzled by diplomatic
phraseology. Mr.. Livingston has the
reputation of being the most successful
place finder in congress, and it ifs said
that he has more of his constituents
slowed away in soft-snap positions
about Washington than any other three
members of the house.
Il have been pestered to death for the
past six weeks said the Georgia rep
resentative, by a hard-luck constitu-
ent who wants a job. 1 told him that
nothing was open to him, and that the
civil service barred everybody nowadays
from good offices. The fellow turned
away finally, but came back yesterday
with hopeful look on his face.
I thought you said that all the good
offices were gone he said, holding out
newspaper with an account of the
presidents endeavors- to restore peace
between Russia and Japan. Why, there
are so many jobs laying around that the
president is offering some of his good
offices to those foreign fellers over in
Russia brooklyn Eagle.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-08-05

You remember the story of the
three black crows? Wen, the Law
renee Journal now says the board of
charities authorized DR.. Newton to
take trip to Europe at the expense
of the state.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-08-05
Had the Door Key Crab.

ssThat man who turned the corner
a moment ago will probably go into
the fifth house from here" said the
lazy man from the cushioned rest on
the front steps.
The inquisitive woman stood up to
look
at was the fourth house, she said.
THAT is near enough said the lazy
man. 'I knew he would stop some
place this side of Seventh street"
"But how can you tell?" asked the
still more inquisitive woman.
s'I could tell by the door key grab, .
was the reply. sMost men have it.
Not one man in a hundred waits until
he gets to his own door to take out his
latch key. The minute he turns into
his own block he uneonsciously digs
into his pockets. Los Angeles Ex-
press.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-08-05

Since they have learned what a
great amount of graft there was in
building Philadelphia filtration plant.
the New York politicians have been
extremely eager to drink filtered
water. They are convinced that New
York must have filtration plant of
its own.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-08-05

"The time has come.' says the Law
renee World in speaking of the dis
missal of DR.. Newton, when people
are demanding better of their state
officials than at any time in the his
tory of the state" Yes, they are de-
1nanding it, but are they getting it +?
The state never before faced such a
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-08-05
IMPERTINENr INQUIRY.

The Topeka papers explanations of
the rates of fare to the launching of
the Kansas are very funny. Who is
there in the push who does not ride on
a pass abilene Reflector.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-08-05

Horse cars have now been aban-
doned on the Grand street line in New
York, and New Workers are congratu-
lating themselves that westerners can
no longer make fun of them on that
accn11nt
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-08-05

1t ought to be dead easy for hortf-
culturists to get information from the
department of agriculture about graft
ing. The department evidently knows
al about il
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-08-05

M. Witte wishes it understood that
he has not come three or four thou
sand miles for a little talk with his
friend, NJ. Komura, and then have the
talk cut off in a week.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-08-05
A Painters Right Hand.

A group of war correspondents were
talking about the unhappy Russian
painter, Verestchagin.
did you ever notice his right
hand?'' one said.
deformed it was. 1t. seemed incapable
of creating those grim pictures
s'Verestchagin, resumed the first
correspondent, .'once held up his right
hand before me with a sad smile. The
thumb was gone. "A leopard he said
bit my thumb to the bone-it had to
be amputated.' The middle finger
stuck straight out; he could not bend
it. "A bullet once passed through this
finger, leaving it good for nothing he
said. Then he moved the hand about
with an odd. stiff motion. Several of
the small bones he explained, were
shattered in fall from a pony on the
steppes. The muscles have been stiff
ever since
"verestchagin's right hand endured
much before, in the end it sunk in the
cold sea; but it never lost its cunning
with the brush '-Philadelphia Bull
letin.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-08-05
WHAT IT SHOULD DO.

Whether the United States senate
will perform the somewhat disagree
able duty of requiring the discredit-
able members of that body to present
their designations when next it meets
has not been announced, but what it
should do has apparently been de-
cided by the people of this country
Pittsburg Dispatch.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-08-05
POLITICAL FENCES.

Extra session of congress November
IL. Members will please have their
fences in order before that time
Philadelphia Inquirer.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-08-05
A BLESSING.

Oh, dear Now we are told that
martial law has been declared in
Ivano-Voxnesensk. What a blessing
that typesetting machines were in
vented before all these Russian names
came forward to be put in print
Philadelphia Inquirer.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-08-05

Still if Paul Morton can change the
Equitable's spots, Secretary Wilson
ought to be able to do something with
the AGRICULTURAL departmenr
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-08-05

Anyway Secretary Wilson doesn't
wait three months before beginning
the investigation of his department.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-08-05

Senator Depew is said to be smiling
as usual. Perhaps Senator Depew is
thinking how lucky it is that he does
not have to be reelected for more
than five years.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-08-05

Mr. Jerome proposes to run on a
ticket of his own next time How
would a cigarette smokers ticket do ?
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-08-05
TRUE TO HIS NAME.

Secretary Bonaparte's treatment of
the navy yard affair was Napoleonic
both in its vigor and success.-Charles-
ton News and Courier.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-08-05

The car says he will never consent
to shameful peace. The question Is,
what would the car consider a
shameful peace?
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-08-05
STRANGER

They are using Burton's name in con-
nection with the Indian Territory school
a man who had earned suspicionI-Ot-
tawa Herald.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-08-05
IT'S DISGUISE.

The Panama canal commission is
making an honest effort to disguise the
enterprise as a picnic-New York
Commercial
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-08-05

Very likely Peary will soon be where
he won't care what the weather
bureau predicts.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-08-05
A DIFFERENCE.

Another difference between Senator
Mitchell and Senator Depew is that
Depew was too slick to take his'n from
Uncle Sam.-Anaconda Standard.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-08-05

Perhaps the thought has not oc-
CURED to the car that if he had a
congress he could blame the rnisruIe
of Russia on to it.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-08-05

IN this instance, but we are for Jacob
Riis for mayor of New. York.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-08-05
10 DANGER.

If the great corporation lawyers all
decide to sacrifice money for public
honor, where are some of the trusts
going to get off Chicago Record
Herald.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-08-05
PROFITABLE AGRICULTURE.

Those who still think there is no
profit in agriculture should consider
the financial rise of Mr.. Holmes, late
of the agricultural department.-Co-
lumbus State.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-08-05
WITHOIJT COMMENT.

Lawrence has started a new idea in
marriage fashions. The day after the
wedding the mother-in-law publishes
card" wishing her son-in-law and wife
a long and happy lifc.-Arkansas City
X-Ray.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-08-05

Paul Morton was a guest at a New
port dinner recently, but it will be no
ticed that it was not an Equitable
dinner.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-08-05
EXCLUSION.

China encounters the exclusion
policy even in the peace negotiations.
New York World.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-08-05
DEAR ADVICE.

Senator Depew says the Equitable
gave. him 10000 a year for advice.
That knocks out the old theory that
advice is cheap.-Toleda Blade.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-08-05
FRON OTHER PENS
A HUMMER.

Life in Panama seems to be one
grand, sweet mosquito song.-Memphis
Commercial Appeal.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-08-05

Looks like the South may have a
taste of civil war all of it's OVID
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-08-05
A SATURDAY. Scranton.

Woe unto them that are mighty to drinl
wine, and men of strength to minglt
strong drink.-Isaiah 5:22.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-08-05

Mamma, if papa can swear, why can't
MY dear, it-that Is-the same rules
don't apply to you BOTH
But we are both living with YOU =
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-08-05

your auto never goes far without
breaking down, does it?
No, that's the beauty of it It's so easy
dragging it back home, you know.'-Puck.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-08-05

No wonder Russia is in bad shape
Just think how you would be if you
had no constitution at all.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-08-05

1t looks like Emperor William
anxious to be the Ross Stubs of Eu
rope.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-08-05

Grimes-Oh, 1 haven't any money about
ne. After Skinner had paid me the ten
lie borrowed a twenty.-Boston Transcript.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-08-05

"A Philadelphia councilman, chr re-
marked st. Peter land you voted for the
gas steal2"
Yes, sir replied the new arrival.
Then you were just common robbers
Democratic messenger. [volume] (Snow Hill, Md.) 1869-1973, 1905-06-10

give an audience to IL large delegation
of ambassadors and minister's The
latter We're assembled in the waiting
room. and when everything was in
readiness the distinguished host and
ruler entered, wearing hat As he
stepped into the room all the members
of the delegation save one promptly
uncovered as Il mark of respect The
solitary exception was the gallant Ken
tuckian. the American minister. Be
lieving that II freedom American citi-
zen was on terms of social equality
with any man in the world. even the
great ear. he stood stifiiy upright with
his hat on his head. The gathered
diplomats were aghast ut the exhibition
OF independence but the ear was rath-
er pleased than otherwise. The incl
dent has been put upon canvas. ana a