Wausau pilot. [volume] (Wausau, Wis.) 1896-1940, 1905-12-26
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Teacaer-Johnny, what happened on
July 4 one hundred and thirty years
ago? JOHNNY dunno. ma'am.
amt but ten.-Cleveland Leader.
Teacher-Can you tell me the differ
ence between like" and 'love?" Small
Boy--Yes. ma'am. 1 like my father
and mother. but love pie-Ram's
Horn.
Old Lady-How can you use such
shocking language? Old Woman
Beg pardon, mum, but be very deaf,
and l cawn't rightly ear wot l says.
Punch.
Hewitt-Why did you cut that fell
low who just bowed to you? Jewet-I
was getting back at him; he perform
ed an operation on me a while ago
Town Topics.
what" asked Miss Elderleigh, did
papa say when you asked him for
me?" HE didn't say anything. He
fell on my neck and wept."-Chicago
Record Herald.
"You are always having more or
less trouble, aren't your" said the SYM
pathetic friend. "You are mistaken"
answered the Gear, with hauteur; I'VE
never have less. Washington Star,
kind lady" remarked the weary
wayfarer, "can you oblige me with
something to eat?" go to the wood
shed and take few chops" replied
the kind lady.-Philadelphia Record
Mrs. De Fashion lat a childrens
party - Marie, Nurse Girl - Yes
ma'am. Mrs. be Fashion-It's time
for us to go home Which Of these
children is mine?-New York Weekly
Ethel TO her friend In spe1tacles)-@
And what is to be your profession,
Mary? Mary-Oh. I'm going to be
tragic poetess. Ethel-But, my dear,
that's not a profession. It's disease;
Wife (reading)-Here's an account
of a man who left home one evening
after supper six months ago to get
shaved and he hasn't been seen since.
Hhsband-Hub! l suppose he Is sun
waiting for his turn.
81 see that letter supposed to have
been written by Henry VIII. has just
brought $1,000" That's nothing. A
letter of mine just brought $4,000"
.'Indeed?" Eyes, to a girl who sued
me for breach of promise"
What do you mean by writing
Among the prettiest girls at the dance
was Captain Andrews?' The captain
is a man." Eyes, but he spent most
of his time among the prettiest girls
there Philadelphia Telegraph.
You are owned by the trusts, body
and SOUL" howled the foreign manu-
facturer, land yet you call yourself
free American" Not me- calmly
answered the Congressman. Il come
high, if anybody asks you."-Ledger.
"See what 1 gotr' cried Bobby, a
city-bred boy, as he came running
from a chicken coop, holding in his
hand china egg. "Oh, go put it
back!' exclaimed Mabel, his 6-year-
old sister. that's the egg the hen
measures by."-Judge.
at seems to me-" exclaimed Aunt
Rachel, you two are always quar-
reling when l come in "Un the con-
trary, maam," vociferated the mascu-
line end of the domestic controversy,
you always happen in when were
arrelingr'-Chicago Tribune.
Lite ACKNOWLEDGMENT! Mr.. Cal
Iipers-Well, my son? Little Clarence
Paw. when a doctor is sick and calls
in another doctor to doctor him. is the
doctor doctored the way he wants TO
| be doctored or does the doctor doctor
him lust as he thinks he ought to be
| doctored?
Teacher-Now, Willy, supposing you
accidentally stood on a gentleman's
foot, what would you say? Willy--I
would say, BEG pardon" IF the
gentleman gave you five cents for
being polite, what would you do?
II would stand on the other, and say,
Beg pardon
Gee whizr' said George for the
twentieth time, lit makes me mad eV-
ery time l think of the ten dollars
lost to-day. l actually feel as if I'd
like to have somebody kick me-" by
the way, George" said the dear girl,
dreamiIy, don't you think you'd bet
fer speak to father this evening?"-
Clipped.
The Merchant Ito applicant)-Where
did you work last? The ONCE Boy
Fer de Gotham Life Insurance Comp
ny. The Merchant-How'd YOU come
to quit? The Office Boy-One day de
president patted me on de head an
advised me ter be honest an never
tell a lie, an 1 snorted right out in
spite Of meself-Brooklyn Life.
Spending the holidays on a farm,
1 hobnobbed a good deal with the gar
dener, an old bachelor, thin, unshav-
Ell, dry-you know the type" said a
gentleman. SAM said to him one
day, why don't you marryY Sam only
grunted. The worlds first gardener
l went on, he married And he
didn't keep his job long afterward.'
said Sam" Scissors.
Il hear you are at work on a new
novel" YES" said the popular novel
list. "Who is to bring it out?" Il
don't know yet The highest bonus
1 have been offered so far is only sew
enty thousand dollars, and unless the
publishers show an inclination to lac
more liberal I may burn it. INIT
afford to cheaper my work ii the esti-
nation of the public FIX.
Gave Himself Away.
Detective Captain-How did yon