New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1905-10-01
SOME PECULIAR PEOPLE.
Characteristics of Joneses of Little
HOUer.

The Oracle helped himself to & huge chew Of
tobacco and dscoursed, Eliminating:
II spose theres peculiar people in every village,
but for ornery turns and unexpected ouirks in
human natur, never struck anything exactly Up
to the Joneses, at Little Holer up where I used
to hoe corn. Seems to now there was about
bakers dozen Of EN-. and each was lot worse
than the last People round the village used to
call EN- the crazy JOneses.' but some OF 'em
wasn't at all crazy
They didn't belong in those parts-moved there
when I was a youngster. Father Of the batch.
folks said, of a rich preacher but got dis
gusted with most everything after he'd been
ried a while, and just quit existence. The mother
Of the outfit went by the name of Aunt Mary. She
was little dried-up, old body, spry as cricket.
but looked TO be at least hundred and fifty years
old.
she drank laudanurr enough TO kill two ordi-
nary mez Every day she'd take that stun Just
like we'd drink cider. She said it did her good
She used TO tell the most awful stories OF what
happeued TO her after she'd take it. and al the
children in the place would walk miles out OF their
way rather than pass Aunt Marys house
"a few wears after they moved to the village .
railroad was put through the township Aunt
Mary was gettin a little bit deaf. and one cay she
was on the track when the train come along. AiteF
the argument she sat up in the neId ruDDln h74-
self
:. cyvau itu take more than one locomotion 20
kill me- she announces, real cheerful and helps
herself to some laudanum
..Sbe had never heard Of eating horseraolsn
u-fth meat Saw one of the neighbors digg1n' the
- o,a dav and asked all about it. Dug some
herself and had an awful weepy time grating IL
Naxt day she hunts up the woman VINO toid hsF
about it. 80. - -
,o,, can eat that awful stuff only took taols-
orf,,1 and II nearly choked me to death
..TIar Oldest son was named Arnity cause every
,o5v hated him. guess. PeOpled 60 a mile OUT OF
their wav to avoid meetin' Amlty- ne Lau'
Twin by catchn' skunks and Donlh ou' no
..1Jaxt son was Tom-nkely boy before ne went
60 +ha war Come back home smart as WHIP
hut with an awful thirst for everything ~, ~,
1vater I'D to appIejack-mosuy rum anu aPPieJ,o-
He'd Law around the town and ten the "o I
+,nes+ warns bout how he escaped from a PRISON
-. - bilI In a barrel and q few others IN
.oD,ebodvd get him q few drinks men 4olI
80 ont W do I'D the place. and sometimes ne come
near dom it. 4. ,..s ,rH
'.Final1y, Tom got religion. He got II nara anu anu
used to go to church three uIheS Oh - ia All
every little while durin' the week he Io1I -
~, Trax,ar roeetin's and it was great the "aS -
,1sad to exhort the weak and wanosTln 1,,-5.,,
After bout six months. though Loin - s+c-Tss
Give vav and he went back 10 the olG ". - t-t~
ga the bg thirst Mighty hard session una t,.S
SIT locked up every H''-0
to qg eq back one day with new gFP u on the 6eT
Lasted a goG1 Went on that way, gettin Tehg S}
hard and real earnest5rne Because he couldn't
aoGui It got so he used 70 pray IN He aid
hep II. +sEa him when he was SOBER 1Ir,TTtS,Ii
the the LqFG he was sober, and it was Oeau1--
peaSeIT was poh Of the coward pSpt oaRerwse
- Srotber Iames-James the ApoSSSJL a. sev he
ms I1i{v was sure cuss tRey az S 20 to
~ ii %oreinger sos he wouldn nave 'Vs,tn
cut OF ms ms I9 10 walk up the main street sa
NEl horse with strnghalt ana eee s r. any
me Ne took had turn clear round 70 e 5o5ga
etepS 5s beSind him. Trick he got tryln 20 sIo1t
one M We oficers folks said I've SEEM seen t,rst
op Sole children behind him in striqs. First
a. Ia 1id duckin' round whenever ne a.o few
a. ie Ito to- make him awful mad but anae jim
~ eso u, a. he got 10 take IL just IKE vo,,nd
years OF ~! ~ nc rII,iv understand hmpin 1917
T mnS.t know how he lives, for he never "Ou'~
Tbe prze package Of the whole o4t iEt Ike bis
- ms long on religion, but not JUS nisesf a
bTnfRer Tom He had it till ne nlr nile or more
S,,rden 70 humanity. Wore ace q Ia iSass bout
Ion9 and used to sound everybody On cCo7 az the
%ae11,,oiv Of birthstone and the eNact. -,ss+n's
1 aaTv DANES He used to lead Meth0sfb last
Ij .oit for hOurs-the kind or Ileetl -of rs
I I5sI,they don't have EN- now ~ ~ tyrhits
fbong6 Married a girl they USED . sninbur flames
SCe5 hotter Talked religion ana su1 ~ ~ took
"a S FOR while till she sot tired 81 ~ ks be
tSa broomstick him. Last le5 5 IA sorSotten
s S rnpin! a decent little farm and n4o IN tbs
his reigion enough TO swear eloquent VICE.
rnnlesd halk