The morning Astorian. [volume] (Astoria, Oregon) 1899-1930, 1905-05-31

| placed on the table, but she did not
touch either one. Mr.. Bowser, howev.
er, ate and drank with seeming hearti.
ness and enjoyment speaking OF the
weather and other subjects In very
mild voice, and when he had concluded
his meal he said:
Mrs, Bowser, ! do not wish to APP
pear eccentric in your eyes. and IL you
will follow me up to the sitting room
shall be pleased to explain matters"
~ hope to gracious you WILL" she re-
piled. "for ! can't make out what has
come over you. The idea OF your pre-.
ferrIng bread and milk to fried Mary
land chicken
When they reached the sitting room
he did not light his cigar. as usual. but
In place Of II chewed away at piece
OF licorice for two or three minutes be-
fore saying:
To-day l was handed THE Simple
Life by Charles Wagner, Perhaps
you have heard Of itY'
Yes"
1T made an immediate impression
on me. saw that we had been wrong
all these years, and within an hour
had determined upon reform"
How have We been wrongf'' asked
Mrs. Bowser.
'In a hundred different ways, but
principally in our extravagant way of
living and dressing. We could have
taken far more comfort had we lived
on pork and beans and dressed In
homespun."
That's all nonsensel We have lived
Just like any other family with our In
come. was thinking II was about
time you picked up another fad"
'My dear Mrs. Bowser, there is no
call for strenuousness. We have made
mistake there as we'll. Heretofore,
when you have referred to my fads.
have turned red In the face and 1our-
shed my arms and shouted. Do you
observe anything Of the sort nowi l
am cool. / am calm. ! am not using
up my nerve force. Let me recon-
mend you to adopt the same pro
gramme. Nothing whatever that you
can say win put me out Of temper"
but what are you going to dor
simply follow Mr.. Wagner and live
simple, healthy life. In other words,
! am going to cut off all the frills and
founces."
"Are you going to give up smokingr
~ have already done so. 1t is sim.
ply waste of money and pernicious
habit. After this shall chew on a
piece Of licorice root or hold a Glove In
my mouth"
And you are going to live on bread
and milk and drink sage tear
Not altogether. Sometimes we will
have pudding and milk and now and
then potatoes and Goldfish. 1t will be
simple, healthy fare, however, and We
shall both live the longer and be the
healthier for 1t. l hope you will be
with me In this matter, my dear"
But shan't. If you want to live a
simple life. go ahead, but don't drag
me into 1t. don't propose to starve
myself to death for Charles Wagner
or Charles anybody else"
Mr.. Bowser started to turn red and
open his mouth to shout Woman"
at her, but caught himself In time and
said:
Kindly modulate your voice, dar-
ling. The tone you use CRATES on me.
do not ask you to go with Inc. If II
is your desire to continue this mad
and extravagant whirl go ahead In 1t.
As for me, have made a start and
shall continue it."
"And you'll quit smokingT'
II will!
"And wear that old suit Of clothes
around"
"The same. 1t is plenty good enough
for simple man"
"And you are going to live like
man earning dollar a dayf"
MY food will be simple, but nutri-
tious."
And you'll give up all your clubs
and not make any more speeches, and
you won't want to run for political
Officer
Il shall be as unknown as John
Doe"
IL did think Of going to the play
tonight" said Mrs. Bowser, after
pause. Your simple life needn't stop
our going to the theater, need itT'
That Is an extravaganza to be
curbed. 1t is not only an extrava-
gance, but the play gives one a false
impression Of life. Instead OF the the
ater we shall sit at home and take up
and pursue some simple study. We
know nothing whatever of botany
and we are almost as bad in natural
history. Here is a house fly flying
around. What more interesting thing
than to ascertain how he flies, what |
be eats, for what purpose he was
created and all about himT
II say it's oil nonsensev' exclaimed |
Mrs. Bowser as she rose up. "If
should play the idiot the way you do
you'd have me pronounced crazy and
locked upp'
1t was a hard fling at Mr. Bowser
md one intended to provoke him to
anger and action, and the family cat