, 1905-01-23

and individually.
This requires a man, of course, with
similar characteristics and the same
general information possessed by the
Almighty, but who would be willing to
work at a much more moderate salary. |
The reader will instantly see how
difficult it is to obtain this class of
men. outside of the mental giant VINO
writes these lines and two Of three
Others, perhaps
But never mind. leave a grateful
world to say that, while l map out a
plan for the ambitious young journalist
who might be entering upon the broad
arena of newspaperdom. and preparing
himself at a regularly established
school for that purpose.
Let the first two years be devoted to
meditation II prayer. This will pre-
pare the young editor for the surprise
and cosequent profanity which in a
lew years he may experience when he
finds in his BOSS editorial that God is
spelled with a little G. and the perora-
ton Of the article has been taken out
and carefully locked up between a
death notice and the announcement of
the birth of a cross-eyed infant.
The ensuing five years should be
spent in becoming familiar with the
surprising and mirth-provoking orthog-
raphy Of the English language.
Then would follow three years devot-
ed to practice with dumb bells, sand
bags and slung shots, in order to be
come an athlete. | have found in my
own journalistic history more cause
for regret over my neglect of this
branch than any other. | am a pretty
good runner, but aside from that re-
greet to say that as an athlete | am not
a dazzling success.
The above course of intermediate
training would fit the student to enter
upon the regular curriculum.
Then set aside ten year for learning
the typographical art perfectly, so that
when visitors wish to look at the COM
posing room, and ask the editor to e X
plain the use of the "hell box" he will
not have to blush and tell a gauZy lie
about its being a composing stick. Let
the young journalist study the myster-
les of type setting. distributing, press
work. gallies, italic, shooting sticks,
l+ur. li.o arl nthp, rpanhan1pa1 innlp-
ments of the printers department.
veyears should be spent inlearning
to properly read and correct proof, as
well as how to mark it on the margin
like a Chinese map of the Gunnison
country.
At least fifteen years should then be
devoted to the study of American poll
tics and the whole civil service. This
time could be extended five years with
great profit to the careful student who
wishes, of course. to know thoroughly
the names and records of all the public
men, together with the relative politi-
cal strength OF each party.
He should her take a medical course
and learn how to bind up Commissions,
apply arnica, court plaster Or band
ages, plug up bullet holes and prospect
Through the human system for buck
shot. The reason of this course which
should embrace five years of close
study, is apparent to the thinking
mind.
Ten years should then be devoted to
the study of law. No thorough metro
lpolian editor wants to enter upon his
profession without knowing the differ
Ience between a writ Of mandamus and
other styles of profanity. He should
Thoroughly understand the entire sys-
Item of American Jurisprudence, and
be familiar with the more recent de-
~cisions of the courts as New York
people are with the s%emi-annual letter
of Governor Seymour declining the
presidency.
The student viii by this time begin
to see what is required OF him and will
enter with greater zeal upon his adopt
ed profession.
He will now enter upon a theologi-
cal course of ten years. He al then
write a telling editorial on the great
Question of What We Shall Do To Be
Saved without mixing up Calvin and
Tom Paine with Judas Iscariot and Ben
Butler.
The closing ten years of the regular
course might be probably used In learn
ing a practical knowledge OF cutting
cord wood, baking beans. making
shirts, l~ecturing, turning double hand
1springs, preaching 4he gospel, learning
how to make a good adhesive paste
that will not sour in hot weather,
learning the art OF scissors grinding,
punctuation, capitalization, prosody,
plain sewing, music, dancing, sculping,
etiquette, how to. win the affections OF
the opposite sex, the ten command
ments, every man his own teacher on
the violin, croquet, rules Of the prize
ring, parlor magic, civil engineering,
decorative art, calsomining. bicycling.
base ball, hydraulics, botany, poker,
calisthenics, high-low jack, information
al law, faro, rhetoric, fifteen-ball pool,
drawing and painting, mule skinning.
vocal music, horsemanship, ~plastering,
L. ~