The Plymouth tribune. (Plymouth, Ind.) 1901-1911, 1905-10-05
TO PLEASE HIM.


TO PLEASE HIM.
Mrs. Ascum-But why do you buy
such expensive things when you know
your husband can't afford them?
Mrs. Wise-I just do it to please
him.
Mrs. Ascum-To please him?
Mrs. Wise-Yes; there's nothing
he likes better than a chance to have
something to complain about to his
own people and pose as a martyr
Philadelphia Ledger.
TOUGH.
"De luck of de small boy is fierce"
groaned Tommy.
What now?" asked the sympa-
thetic stranger.
why de lightning struck ten
houses and barns in dis village dis
summer
That was bad"
And it never even scorched de
SCIOOl1OuSS. -NulCdSO NcMO-
A GREAT SUCCESS.
Magazine Publisher-We've got a
great magazine this month.
Magazine Editor-Yes, ! think it's
pretty good myself. That story of
Scribbler's is a corker.
Magazine Publisher-Oh, / haven't
read anything in your section. But
just look at that! Two hundred and
pages of advertising.-Som-
erville Journal.
THE LUCKY AMATEUR.
"You went hunting while you were
your vacation, I hear. Did you
bring in anything"
"One small animal"
"You don't say? What was it??"
"a live dog."-Philadelphia Press.
ANOTHER FISH STORY.
Edyth-Jack and l are going on a
fishing trip tomorrow.
Mayme-Tom and 1 went yester-
day.
Edyth-Did you catch anything?
Manufacturing but Tom.-Chica-
go News.
A MYSTERY EXPLAINED.
Its strange that you should al
to so gaunt," remarked the bear
to the wolf.
WELL, you see," replied the wolf,
fits all because of the part I'm COM
PEELED to play in life. You see, I'm
always obliged to keep from the door
there's not a thing LETT in the
house to eat.'-Philadelphia Press.
EXPLAINED.
"How does it happen hat you new
have any trouble in getting lecturers
for Chautauqua circuits?"
I'VE generally pick out men who
have a hobby of some kind or an
other, and they've just got to have
somebody to talk to, you know
Chicago Tribune.
DRAWING THE LINE.
81 like to believe that all men are
honest" said the moraliZer.
Same here" rejoined the democrat
ger; "still, l always draw the line at
.aking the same patent medicine for
liver complaint that I use for tooth
iche, no matter how the label reads"
News.
ON TO HIM.
EYES," said the red-eyed clerk.
I'm a little late this morning. The
midnight oil, you know"
"H'm!" interrupted his employer,
oil, Ell? Well, the next time you
paint the town I'd advise you to use
water colors exclusively."-Philadel-
,hia Press.
A BAD DAY FOR EUCLID.
Euclid fdgeted u~neasily.
whats the use of your old geom-
try" sobbed Mrs. E., "if you can't
olive the servant problem"
Sadly and silently he departed for
he intelligence ofice.-New York
sun.
THE BLANKS.
'Tt is awful, mother exclaimed
dicc Rlank ssfo think I've got to mar
v that man! 1 suppose I must go
through the ceremony. but really I've
,ot no heart for it"
"You foolish girl" replied her
what has heart got to do
nth it,"
Old Blank mutters over his paper,
Sure enough!"-Boston Transcript.
UNFORTUNATE FOR SPOONALL.
Want 10 marry my daughter, do
said the financial magnate,
vheeling around in his chair.
"Wh-who said so?" gasped the
Dung man.
'Are you not young ~Spoonall?"
mo, sir, my names Simpson. I've
ONE to bring back a suit of clothes
re ironed for you this morning"
"Oh, / see. Put the bundle on that
hair. Good afternoon"
The magnate looked at els watch
turned to his desk.
Presently the door opened again.