The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-08-17
HUM0R OF THE DAY

Il HVMOR Or The DAY
New York Editor to Philadelphia Corre-
ticians caught in anti-vice crusade and
reputation blasted.
Editor-Poiiticians caught, but no reputa-
ton among them to blast.-New York
Times.
Eyes, the manager of that theater de-
frauded u.s." declares the man who has
just emerged from the lobby with an air
of disgust.
He, He did," asks sympathetic bystander.
Advertised that beautiful girl would
pose as THE Diver
Didn't she pose?''
Yes, but she wore a regulation divers
suit-made of rubber, you know, with q
big iron helmet, and an air pump. Chi
cago Tribune.
1t must be hard to be rich enough to
have four or five automobiles and then
have your doctor order you to take long
walks for your health.-Exchange.
why doesn't he look up his family
"Afraid he might see some monkeys
hanging from the branches. Judge.
Teacher-Now. Johnny, what is the per-
feet tense of the verb ITO inveSt?'
Johnny-To investigate.-New York Sun.
IT just peeped into the parIor as pass
ed" said Mr.. Phamley, land I saw quite
freak of nature"
man."
Yes. saw two heads on one pair Of
shoulders "-Philadelphia Press.
Now, BERTHE. what made you eat Dollys
half of that granger
please. ma. you told me always to take
her part."-Illustrated Bits.
How did you manage to est. that enor-
nous contract from Tightfst?'
Took him at a disadvantage. Talked
him into it yesterday. He was too ex-
hausted from the heat to put UP fight"
Detroit Free Press.
lis it lively out here?"
Sure; the old residents won't associate
with the summer Gotta gers; the cottaRers
e1cursionists.'
And the excursionistsg s~-
'They hate each other. Puck
Weary Husband-Doctor. don't see why
pains!
Doctor-sir. I have great regard for the
her of her aches and pains, she'd never
forgive me!-Detroit Free Press
At was looking about in Bargen's millin-
cry department today began the schenn-
ing wife, land 1 saw the sweetest thing"
Taa pse d her foxy husband q md
mirrors ali around where you women con-
gregate. "-Philadelphia Press.
upson-Carnegie is a conundrum. isn't
he?
Down-Why so?
fast enough to suit himself. and yet he
says he doesn't want any worthless dukes
in his family.-Detroit Free Press.
Mr.. Depew says he gave his advice to
the Equitable freely"
Eyes, and see what's happened to it.
Cleveland Plain Dealer.
Wyld-Is your new auto all you expect
Mack-No. It hasn't broken down once.
-Tarrytown On W News.
Wife, got up this whole dinner for 30
GarruIous Husband-I believe YOU. Il
tastes like it.-Detroit Free Press.
The Deacon-i hear BIinkers is going to
quit attending church.
The ParsOn-Why is that?
The Deacon-He says nap in the morn
ing keeps him awake at night.-Chicag
Daily News.
Father-If you marry that poor dude and
live in fat the janitor will keep you in
hot water all of the time.
Daughter-Oh, papa, that win be fnel
We never can get hot water here, you
know.-JudKe
Tom-You look happy today.
Dick--I feel that way. / proposed to
Miss Fickel last night
Tom-Go easy. old man. She's very
chanGeable.
Dick-That's why I'm so hopeful. She
said mo last night.-Philadelphia Press.
Youthful made-up spinster, over forty,
just engaged, proudly introduces her young
bethrothed to the family gardener. Family
GarGener-Ah, Miss Lefty, I'm that glad.
I've been waiting for the day for the last
twenty years.-Punch.
'"Thc boss asked me what made me look
en- said GALLEY the clerk land I
told him was up early this morning"
"IIuff'' snorted the bookkeeper, you
never got up carly in your life"
II didn't say I got up. I said was
up "-Philadelphia-L Ledger.
Mrs. Bender-John. L hope you win never
go te that club again.. As you. came up
the lawn you saw lightning bug.
Mr. Bender (rufling up)-.Well, madam,
is there anything unusual in seeing a
lightning bug?
Mrs. Bender-Yes. you called up to the
window for me to come out and see the
shooting star--Chicago News.