The Marietta journal. [volume] (Marietta, Ga.) 1866-1909, 1905-08-03
THE CONDUCTOR WANTED A TRAIN.
THE OLD MAN EXAMINED HIM.

THE OLD MAN EXAMINED HIM.
The superintendent of a western rail
road has the reputation of being very
particular i'll the matter of employing
trainmen, desiring only those that have
had considerable experience i'll that
branch of the service. The following is
conversation said to have been over
heard i'll his office short time since be-
tween that gentleman and an applicant
for position as passenger conductor:
where did you come from?"
From General Manager ST. John, of
the X. Y. H."
What did you come here to do ?"
''To learn to 'subdue my energies and
improve the railway service
Then you are railroad man, infer?"
81 am so taken to be by all officials
who know their business"
'How may know you to be a railroad
man?'
''By looking over my letters and ex-
aiming me i'll the signals. Try me-"
''How will you be tried p
'By the punch"
"Why by the punch.
Because it is all emblem of honesty
and the principal working tool of my
profession.
Where were you first prepared to be
arailroad man?''
''In my mind"
"Where neXt2"
Upon a farm adjoining the right-of-
way of a regular railroad. -
How were you prepared"
''By breaking upon threshing ma
chine for six months, after which | went
to town and sought admission to the
| trainmaster's office"
How gained you admission
''By three cigars placed i'll the open
hand of the trainmaster's clerk, "
"How were you received"
upon the sharp gaze of the train
master applied to my physiognomy,
which was thus explained. AS it is al
| ways source of great pleasure to the
trainmaster to receive callers, l should
drop in and chat with him a little while
upon every occasion possible.
How were you then disposed Off"
! 81 was seated in a chair near the train
masters desk, and asked if | put NV
trust in safety coupling devices"
"Your answer"
Not if know myself l do MT"
'What was then done with your
81 was led up and down the yard three
| times to accustom me to the noise of the
trains, then to the chief dispatcher.
How we're you then disposed of ?"
81 was seated upon brake-wheel be-
| fore a trainbox, and caused to take the
following horrible and binding oath
81, Steve Sears, do hereby and here
on most everlastingly and diabolically
swear, by the great Horn Spoon that /
will always remit and never conceal anv
of the cash collected by me as conduc-
| tor, and that | will not cut, make use,
collect, or remit any cash fares less than
| those found in the regular tariff book.
"I further promise and swear that
will not carry on my train, free, any
railroad mans wife, mother, sister
| daughter or widow, or permit any other
conductor to do so, if ! can prevent it,
q further promise and swear that
will freely contribute to all subscriptions
circulated to buy my superior officer a
'token of esteem,' etc, as far as he
may desire and my salary will permit;
toy all of which / solemnly swear, bind
| ing myself under no less penalty than
that of having my salary cut from year
to year, all my perquisites taken away
and expended for sand ballast to put
under the Dubtown Extension, where
the trains come and go twice i'll I'd
hours so help me Bob Ingersoll, and
keep my backbone stiff.
"What did you then behold ?"
"The trainmasters clerk approached
| AnI C,f
ty Coupling Knife, and instructed me
| to take it to the yardmaster who would
teach me how to use it"
"How are Bowie Coupling Knives
used ?"
''By sticking them in the left hip
pocket, with the blade turned up"
Mr.. Maxwell here informed the appli-
cant that he was satisfied that he was a
railroad man, and asked him if he would
be off or from.
81 will be off from here, if you will
give me passenger train"
| Have you any cigars -
II have"
"Will you give them to me p
THAT is not the manner in which
got them and cannot so dispose of them
How can get them, them"
II will match you heads or tails for
them"
"Ill go you; begin"
"You begin"
mo. begin yourself; you have the
cigars"
BOARD"
"a"
"All"
"All aboard. You are o. X. Come
around again in the morning, and will
send you down to the Bagdad & Cslibish
division to take the mixed train there"