The Washington times., 1905-06-11
Car Conductors.

| A good conductor on one of our
street railway cars has more diff
cult post to fill than the Ambassador
| to the Court OF st. James. This no
doubt will be a startling proposition
to those whose education has merely
rounded the rough edges Of their
parts of speech and not cut deep
enough to polish the facets of their
reason; but It can be maintained sue
cessfully.
The American Ambassador in Lon
don has no official duties to give him
pause; the satisfactory and cordial
relations now existing between the
two countries leave him at perfect lib
erty to pursue his real mission as an
apostle of sweetness and light, and
it is because of this delightful state
Of things that the post is so much
learning. That post has come to be
the thirty-third degree of American
culture and refinement, but 1t has no
serious difficulties and imposes no
overwhelming burden upon its occu-
pant
How different is the situation Of the
car conductor! The railway company
|expects him to be a skilIfuI accountant;
an insistent and omniscient collector;
train dispatcher without telegraphic
communication; collector of evil
dence for the railway in case Of acci-
dent; a policeman and general censor
of morals; q diagnostician, capable of
difTerentiating between mild cases of
Insanity, brain-fag, mere loquacity,
and drunkenness: besides being a
Chesterfeldian representative of the
eompany's intense and genuine love
for the dear public. On the other
hand, the demands of the travelling
public are equally exacfing.
To please the patrons of the road a
good conductor must not only have
the tact and athletic ability to per-
form his duties to the company, with
out Inconvenience to the occupants of
the car. but he must be a guide to the
city, its permanent attractions and
local history. as well as a gazetteer of
passing events and a talking show bill
for the places Of amusement Nor do
his duties end here: he Is the trusted
guardian and nurse of all unattended
children who board his car; he is the
confessor Of all communicative indi-
viduals who have troubles weighing
upon their minds too heavily for 81
lence; he IS expected TO remember
where all distinguished citizens usual
ly alight, and what each stranger an.
nounces his destination to be; and
some people actually require him to
be versed in mind reading, berating
him sourdly whenever they neglect to
inform him of their demands.
But there come times of trial in his
experience that test almost TO the
breaking his broad charity and the
smiling philosophy Of his goo6 humor
Not long ago a lady-they are all
ladies' on the cars-boarded a car
and requested the conductor to put
her off near to 2211 Il street When
the car had reached the 1S00-block
she consulted q memorandum and
asked him IL the car had passed 1922
z street "Yes, Madam, but l under
stood you to say you wished to get off
near 2211 z street. Well, only as
bestos paper and platinum type would
withstand the intense heat Of the
warm words the lady bestowed on
that conductor
II the light OF this experience it is
suggested that in future all ap
piicants for positions as car conduc-
tors. after having passed the usual ex-
aminations as to physical and mental
fitness, be instructed in mind-reading,
clairvoyance, and hypnotism, as these
requirements are absolutely needed to
render them efficient public servants.
Their training ought to be complete.