Hopkinsville Kentuckian. [volume] (Hopkinsville, Ky.) 1889-1918, 1905-04-04


can accept defeat with good nature, and
fewer stin with cordial feeling toward
the man who turned them down"
George II. Heafford, however, be-
longs to the class who can do both.
Mr.. Heanord, who was formerly gen
eraI passenger agent of large western
road and who is now in the insurance
business, during the close of 1904 sud
denly became tired of hard work and
thought It might be a pleasant thing
to get a government position.
one night after heavy dinner, fol-
lowed by heavy oratory, at the Union
League club, he dreamed that the pres
ident was looking for him, but for some
reason was unable to locate him. In
his visions he saw the position of COM
missioner of pensions going begging
for an energ tic soldier. He was the
energetic old soldier, and as his dream
progressed he saw himself floating into
an office where he had nothing to do
but spend government money and
draw his salary This was not night
mare, but real and pleasant dream.
Accordingly, before it wore of, in
the waking hours of the morning, Mr..
Heafford clad only in his pajamas,
penned a letter to the presidents pri-
vate secretary.
IF Mr.. Ware (then commissioner of
pensions) has worn himself out, began
the letter, please present this applica-
ton to the president for a Christmas
gift" Here is copy of the applica-
ton:
Commissioner of pensions-This is
the Job that Ware held.
George H. Heafford-This is the man
who wants the job that Ware held.
Connecticut-This is the state where
the man was born, who wants that job
that Ware held
Illinois-This is the state where the
man now lives, who was born in the
east, who wants the job that Ware
held
Civil war-This is the war that the
man helped fight, who lives in the
west, who was born in the east and
who wants the job that Ware held.
Forty-nine-This is the age of the
| VIC lllOl DOlu5 VIM ublBOQ III buC u6nb
that wound up the war; who lives in
the west, was born in the east and
wants the job that Ware held,
Qualifications-This is the truth de-
| sired to speak, business experience
from stem to peak, of the warrior bold,
as this tale unfolds, who helped in the
fight that wound up the war, who lives
in the west, who was born in the east
and who wants the job that Ware held.
Reference, the Honorable Paul Nor
ton, Secretary Of the Navy-This is the
gentleman who knows full we'll and
mighty glad he'll be to tell the truth
whereof this man doth speak, meaning
the man who helped the fight that
that wound up the war, who lives in
the west, who was born in the east
and who wants the job that Ware held
If he can get it.
After writing the application" Mr.
| Heafford looked it over carefully He
chuckled as he read it, Next he made
few corrections, carefully sealed and
stamped the missive and mailed it linn
self.
! Upon receipt Of this letter Secretary
Loeb straightway presented it to the
president, who enjoyed a hearty laugh
over it. Later in the day it was pre-
sented to the cabinet in full meeting
and Secretary Morton was solemnly
asked whether he could vouch for the
applicants character
"This is the first intimation have
had" replied the secretary of the navy,
with as much gravity as the president
/ had used, "that George Heafford had a
character. His friends will be glad to
learn of this, and if George says he
has a character I'll take chance and
stand for it, no matter what it may be.
| When I knew him best he was in the
railroad business, and about the only
characteristic I could ever discover
about him was a strong tendency to
steal the business before the other fell
low knew it was going to move. If
his coup happened to be particularly
aggravating he would send his de-
feated competitor a neatly framed
verse, which usually acted like vinegar
on a raw sore. His favorite chrome to
replace soothing syrup was
""Ts easy enough to look pleasant
When life goes by with a song,
But the man worth while
Is the man who can smile
When everything goes dead wrong
''You can imagine" concluded the
secretary as the general laugh sub
sided, that, after losing a big bunch
of business which he ought to have Sc
cured, a general passenger agent was
fit to commit crime upon the receipt of
Heafford's pleasant little chromOs. If
you desire a commissioner who would
be certain to hunt up every old sol
der and give him a generous pension,
with a western farm, well stocked and
thrown in, into the bargain, he is the
man you are seeking"
President Roosevelt thoroughly en-
joyed the joke and declared that, ow-
ing to Mr.. Morton's hearty indorse-
manf of the anplicant his DetitiOn