The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-10-07
HUM0R OF TIE 0HY

A001U4N UT NE IL
my new theater.' boosted the man
ager, "is absolutely freproof stage.
walls, seats, even the eurtain-all
made of STEEL
You have overlooked one thing"
objected the insurance man. II st
tended the show last night and OBJ
served that your actors are unde-
niably wooden. It's 4 bad risk. ----
Cleveland Leader.
''The policy holders must have q
voice in the mana cement of the insur-
snce companies" declared the vooif-
erous citizen.
Now, look here" said the life In
surance ofI1cial do you think the
policy holders have any business capa-
bilities2"
why. certainly. I. myself. hays
thought out half a dozen good graft
ing schemes. Philadelphia Evening
Bulletin.
"Thar's no tellin' what big things
are in store for US" said the old man.
"A Teller may be raised an born to
the ox-cart, an yit, who knows but
he may yit be run over by $4,000
automobile, an git his pictur In the
papers-jest like the fellers that run
away with the banks funds. At
lanta Constitution.
Wagger-Thsy say that old cou-
PONIES, the banker, has untold wealth
Gagger-Yes, that's what the tax
collector suspects.-Town Topics.
Il made an awful faux pas last
night said Mrs Oldcastle.
Did you?" replied her hostess.
i've been wantin' to make one for a
long time but. amt been able to get
a pattern. Whose did you have ~
Chicago Record-Herald.
Gyer-my brother has been greatly
benefited by patent medicines.
Myer-So? What kind did he take?
Gyer-Oh, he didn't take any. He's
druggist.-Chicago Daily News.
MARY Anne, didn't / hear you kiss
that policeman in the kitchen last
Il hope not, mum.'-Chicago Jour
nal
At last there arose in the halls Of
legislation statesman who seemed to
| have something like a good idea.
He introduced a bill providing a Sc
we're punishment for anyone who agi-
/ tated fool legislation, such as taxing
bachelors, abolishing tips. regulating
the size OF women's hats and similar
/ freak laws.
Whereupon the authors Of bills to
tax bachelors, pension old maids, COM
pei women to wear divided skirts and
! to alight from street cars properly,
prohibiting lovemakinR in parks, and
/ so forth, denounced him as a thres-ply
/ idiot and a trampier upon the inherent
rights of his Observation-Disclosures.
Mr.. Blower-Doctor, 1 am getting
too stout Can you suggest something
to reduce my weight?
DR.. Wise-Yes; nothing reduces
| flesh quicker than worry. Just spend
a few hours every day thinking that
your bill viii just be twenty. San
Francisco Call.
Whenever you hear people say:
''She has a lovely Character
You know she's homely, right away.
And ask no further news of her.
Chicago Tribune
Howeil-A man is considered in
nocent until he is proved guilty.
Powell-Single man. aren't you?
Smart Set.
"Hey. kid See dat man wild de
long neck? p
.Hetcher he's de president of de
rubber trust"
IT understand Mrs. Viclk-Senn and
her husband had some high words yes
cts true so far as it relates to her.
He may have had few words also,
but he didn't get a chance to use
them. Chicago Tribune.
The hot wave now doth pass away
And leave US all uuvexed.
1 The weather bureau will display
The cold wave signal next.
cleveland Leader.
How did you find out you could
draw?'' inquired the admirer Of the
celebrated illustrator.
'By the marks I received in school
i for the excellence and fidelity of my
work. replied the eminent one. my
/ work was a caricature of my beloved
| teacher on the blackboard and the
marks came from the teachers cane.''
Cleveland Plain Dealer.
." blessed are the peacemakers,' -
/ quoted the moralizer.
sOh. I don't know" rejoined the de-
moralizer. when q man attempts to
make peace between a hueband and
| wife what ne usually gets doesn't
sound like a blessing to me."-Chicago
| News.
you wouldn't believe, would you"
| she asked with a cunning little sim
| per, that I have a daughter who is
nearly as tall as I ann"
NO" he answered, thinking Of
something else, lis she married or sim
| gla2"
Yet he wondered why she turned her
| back to him to talk to a foolish-look-
| ing old man who dyed his goatee.-
! Chicago Record-Herald.