davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-06-13
GLOBE SIGHTS.
TFrom the Atehison Giobe.l

100000
No hen-pecked man ever made a con-
spicuous success in life.
When a pet horse belonging to q wo-
man gets old and fat, what tyrant it
becomesi
Some peoples idea of a beautiful pet
seems to be pug dog that shows its
front teeth all the time.
When q woman works in her hus-
bands Office, she looks as much in the
way as a man in his wife's kitchen
A good many men find that they not
only must support their ornery kin, but
must patronize their industrious kin.
An Atchison woman rushed down
town today for a few minutes, leaving
seven neighbors to care for her one
child
This is the way people really mourn
for friends: Not because they miss
them, but because they do not miss
them longer
Tell the average woman that her
house always looks neat, and she will
reply: Mercy, it takes lots of work
to keep it So"
About everything else happens to a
man in the course OF his life save this:
That his kin hunt him up to say kind
things to him.
He is his mothers pet people say
of a young man. NAnd some one adds:
III he marries that girl, she viii take
it out Of him."
You know how the farmers have had
you scared about wheat this spring?
Wen, they are admitting now that 1t
will turn out better than they expected
When two men hate each other they
keen awav from each other but wo-
men. under the same circumstances,
call on each other and exchange hon
eyed slams.
There is a time in every young mans
life when he is as popular as the only
dog in an orphan asylum for boys, but
his popularity doesn't last longer than
his wedding day,
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-06-13
The Ned of Preclsion-

Frank W. Gunsaulus, head of the
Armour Institute of Technology, who
recently lectured in Topeka, was talk
ing to a group of young Chicagoans
about the Importance of precision
Precision he said, saves many
errors and mistakes Be precise al
ways. Be precise even to a comma.
Had sufhciet thought been given to
precision, certain Frenchman would
have been spared the other day a pain
ful error.
The man entered a State street
cafe, chose a corner table, and looked
carefully over the menu. There was
one entry. under a heading devoted to
various forms of beef, that should
have read, Roast, horse radish sauce
But careless printer had misplaced a
comma. and the entry figured as
Roast horse, radish sauce
''The Frenchman's eye frightened
as he read this line. He beckoned
waiter to him. and said eagerly:
Bring, please, some of ze roast
horse Wit re radish sauce
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-06-13

Recent research has carried back
the history of French art to period
two centuries earlier than that in
which it was supposed to have had
It's rise. A portrait Of King john, by
In unknown artist of the fourteenth
century, was until recently the old
est recorded French painting. Now,
however, in the Church of St. Blaise,
at Brunswick, among the ancient pic
corner of the walls the following in
scrfption: ''Let all know that John
the Frenchman painted these sub
5ects." John was a bit of Pyg-
maIion in his way, as we gather from
the following piece of self-revelation.
also cut into the stone: IF I could
give life to the bodies I paint I should
be enrolled among the gods. Lon
don Globe.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-06-13
MONEY WELL SPENT.

An unprecedented deficit in the
postoffice department for the fiscal
people of a country thoroughly con-
WINGED that farmers ought to have
free mail delivery and that in all re-
spects the postal service of the United
States should be kept at the highest
possible stage of efficiency. Waste and
fraud in the immense business of the
postoffice department are hateful to all
honest men and good citizens, but
there is no general objection to mod
crate deficits in its total transactions,
nrovided that the cause is the rapid
expansion and betterment of mail IA
cilities.-Cleveland Leader.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-06-13
Bllnd Writer,s NTisfortune.

A pitiful story IS told Of Philip
Bourke Marston, the blind English
writer One day a particularly good
idea came to him and he sat down to
his typewriter with enthusiasm He
wrote rapidly for hours and had nearly
finished the story when a friend came
in. Read that" said Marston proudly,
land tell me what you think of it, The
friend stared at the happy author and
then at the blank sheets of paper in
his hand before he was able to under
stand the little tragedy. The ribbon
had been taken from the typewriter
and Marston's toll was for nothing He
never had the heart to write that story
again.-CIeveland Plain Dealer.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-06-13
FRIGHTs ON DRESS PARADE.

After 1t has been heard that jap
anese troops do not keep step while
marching and present poor appear
ance on parade, the shocking climax
comes to the effect that Admiral Togo
does not know how to wear uniform.
which on him is always wrinkled,
where it should fit smoothly, and vice
versa In short, 1t appears that in the
military art of looking pretty the Jap
anese are a complete failure and that
they are successful only in the Incl
dental feature of fghting.-Pittsburg
Dispatch.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-06-13
REFLECTIONS OF a BACHELOR

TF'rona the New York Press.]
Philosophy is the way you pretend to
feel when you feel directly the oppo-
site.
What woman likes about yacht
ing trip is the clothes she has to buy
for it.
II girl isn't, jealous Of somebody it
would be q sign she was the only per
son in the world.
Sometimes its just as we'll to go
home early to make wife suspicious
about your health
If a man had to work as hard to get
his living as he does to get his fun he
would become an anarchist.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-06-13
SPRING RArN-

me me storm clouds ride above the hTlls
- n ring Ike rolling drums
me air is sitting breathIess-
aIIoe2Iing, oppressive
rot breeze or stir of air
Grass leaves and tWigs are still
1stotionless, dead and serene. The frogs
ST. ST. eui,np' the WhippoorWin
Sis silent On the fence
Shoked is the song of buds the crie5ra4
Eduses and reflects a while.
5 1ae coon dog snealzs beneath the house
11S meas uDon his tail are quiet
4JoWn IN the barn the mules
4 471se ceased their ceaseIess. munching.
r E,oleieIess the cows, the pig still,
15-S u ny are nOneommunicative and
y en- guinea and the proud peafowl
g. sum, melancholy, num-
MoFbidiy meditating some
Lne farmer on the pOrch he sIeens
G 1ls neart is full Of joy
y CT ms race a smile SO hapr)v Green's
As II ne dreamt he was a bow.
Inc reason of his smile is this
me reason of his joy and bliss;
5nere's going to be
Dickens of q rain.
Twill serve to stimulate
Inc hay and grain.
But most of all
ana this rejoices now:
tomorrow ground will be
Too wet to pillow,
ana ne can go to town
And loaf all day
And sit and white
On a bale of hay,
And cuss the rain
Ana ask his neighbors, Why
The dickens we can't have
A spell o. dry?
Skid SniVley in rTe.aS C4o,,v,t.- r7S,.;,,,. -,
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-06-13


The recurring prominence given the
name and fame OF Admiral Dewey
with the annual return of May Day
the date of his Manila bay triumph
mas recalled story of the man which
Captain Bradford, former chief of the
bureau of equipment in the navy de-
partment is telling. 1t was before
that now famous fight in Philippine
waters had been pulled on though
Dewey was in the Pacific in command
OF the Asiatic squadron. It seems he
was in need of coal, but. instead of
writing to Washington in the matter,
he simply bought what he needed
and Captain Bradford says that Of
ciaidom was impressed by the number
or tons purchased rather than by the
fact of the unauthorized purchase
itself
$50 I cabIed him." continues the
story teller. II asked: Why did you
may have been charging up for fuel,
however, he certainly was not putting
his government to heavy expense for
cable tolls, for just as soon as that
message could get out there and an
answer get back. I was informed:
" To burn "
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-06-13
N HER ABSENCE.

His darling wife has gone away.
Six crowded trunks she took
Her orders were that he must stay
And keep house with the cook
But do not hastily suppose
That he stays out at night,
Ut that he goes to ballet shows,
Or stumbles homeward, tight.
He isn't cutting up as though
he were colt set free,
He has no wild desire to 20
Upon a foolish spree.
he hurries herneward when the day
Has dwindled to its end:
Aha the cooki" methiniys Won say
Nay, lis not that, o friend
She's gone away. his little wife.
To stay a month or more:
He leads a blameless, honest life
Her mother lives next door.
Chicago Record eraid
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-06-13
WHERE ILL1NOIs SCORES.

There is no use denying It, Kansas IS
getting old and has rheumatism in its
limbs 1t won't even get a place in
the reform finish. Here Illinois has
passed an anti-railroad pass measure
and has begun to enforce it, while the
Kansas legislature barely got in sight
of such a bill, and really didn't reach
a lot of other important matters 10
which ii had pledged itself.-Leaven-
worth Times.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-06-13
FULL LEASED WIRE REPORT
OF THE ASSOCIATED PRESS
HOME NEWS wHILE AWAY.

Subscribers Of the State Journal
away during the summer may have
the paper mailed regularly each day
10 any address at the rate of thirty
cents a month. Address changed as
often as desired. While out of town
the state Journal will be to you Ike
q daily Ietter from home.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-06-13

Seeing that wheat was the cause of
Banker Bigelow's downfall Why not
send him out to the Rush county jail
to keep E. J. Smiley company in the
wheat belt. instead of keeping him at
Leavenworth. He could probably get
some valuable pointers in the wheat
business from Mr. Smiley.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-06-13

Mr.. Bonaparte attended a meeting Of
the Republican state central committee
Of Maryland the other day and the
Washington Evening Star says this
should set at rest, for time at least -
any question regarding his politics.
Now win the fellows who have been
saying Mr.. Bonaparte is no Republican,
keen stU7
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-06-13

locks had been changed to prevent
anyone using the missing keys, they
we're found under some papers in
drawer in the bank.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-06-13

Some county officials assert that it is
difficult for them to enforce the prohibi-
tory law on account of the liquor
brought in by the express companies
Have they not yet heard Of Cyrus Lee
lands anti-jug law, passed by the last
Iaalslafr
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-06-13

If Mr.. Rockefeller's critics get him
thoroughly reused, by the great horn
spoon he will proceed to give his
wealth in million dollar chunks!-
Chicago Tribune.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-06-13
THE DIFFERENCE.

Mayor Weaver, whom Philadelphia
delights to honor, has relieved the
municipal officeholders of all fear of
the political collector. Under the I'M
bridled boss system they were in dan
ger of losing their places if they didn't
pay-now they will lose their places if
thew do Cleveland Plain Dealer.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-06-13

Charles AIoreau Harger writes some
Of the best magazine material in the
entire country. but one cannot con
sistently brag on the paper he pub
fishes 1t is to be hoped that he will
teach the students Of the school OF
journalism the business as he con
ducts it in his magazine and special
work and not as he runs the Abilene
z - arLnr-
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-06-13
IN SECRET.

It would be interesting if the men
of the nation could go into executive
session and find out how many of
them secretly agree with Mr.: Cleve-
land in his criticism of women's clubs.
Washington Post.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-06-13
A ROOSEVELT DEMOCRAT.

Objections to the appointment of
Mr.. Bonaparte to the Roosevelt cabi-
net, on the ground that he is a Demo-
crat, come from Democratic sources
New York Press.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-06-13

Here is another coincidence between
the great rulers Of the world: The sons
Of Emperor William Of Germany and
Governor Hoch of Kansas became the
husbands of princesses on the same
day And while Kansas is not egotisti-
cal at ali. she believes her princess is
the better of the two-and this is not
saying anything against the future en-
press Of Germany. either.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-06-13

Seeing that the strikers have been
stirring up things every day for two
months, Chicago proposes to have
things quiet on the Fourth by turning
the town over to the small boy.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-06-13

Some time ago the cashier of a Fort
Scott bank lost a key ring on which
were a lot Of bank keys. He adver-
Hsed for it, but the keys were not re-
surned. and he concluded advertising
sldn't pay. After a lot OF the bank
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-06-13
sPIRITIIAL RANKRUPTCY-

The decline of religious instinct in
the present day is a spiritual bank
ruptcy that impoverishes wedlOck.-
Rabbi Leon Harrison, st. Louis.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-06-13

There is this about the Stahl picnic:
"A lot of special police viii not be re-
quired to keep the peace. That's the
difference between the Stahl brand Of
picnic and some other kinds.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-06-13

You will find that most Of the rail-
road magnates believe in wise and
conservative railway legislation" the
same as the Ohio Republican conven-
ton did. wise and conservative
legislation" in the eyes Of the mag
mates, would be to vote mo- on all
propositions for government regula-
ton Of rates.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-06-13
THE sTAND-PATTERs.

The Republican tariff stand-patters
are beginning to wabble bit, and it
seems likely that in the next few
months they will patter more than
they will stand.-Peoria Herald.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-06-13

The world is still growing better. The
st. Paul system now proposes to allow
its men to rest on Sunday whenever
possible instead Of compelling them to
work overtime running Sunday excur-
siOns for people who want to go off
somewhere and get drunk
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-06-13

II Mr.. Morton had taken the subway
Job he might have had the spending of
$50 600. 600. according to the dispatches
Still. what's the use?
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-06-13

Now it is stated that the new board
Of control desires a bookkeeper in ad-
dition to its secretary and stenOgrapher
Pray what is the secretary for?
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-06-13

1t will be interesting when Lafol-
lette gets to Washington to note if he
becomes as Jealous of Senatorial pre-
negatives as the rest.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-06-13
~ INDEPENDENT REPI

AN INDEPENDENT Et144 O11414N11AtN.
Only as a third days question is the
politics of Charles J. Bonaparte' VINO
of the navy. a matter of any public
curiosity. The fact that this very in
dependent Republican is an able man,
with a good record and genera
sympathy with the purposes OF the
Roosevelt administration is sufficient
to most people in this EZRA Of good
feeling. New York Evening NAH
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-06-13
EROM OTHER PENS
DOES IT.

Admiral Beres1ord wants the United
States and Great Britain to have one
flag. Does that mean one president
also Atlanta Constitution.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-06-13

Mr.. Rockefeller continues serene in
the belief that he can find churches
willing to accept as much money as he
cares to give away.-Washington Star.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-06-13

Politicians in Topeka are having as
hard q time picking out a new private
secretary for Governor HOch as the
newspaper correspondents in Washing
ton had in finding job for Secretary
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-06-13

There were only 10 injured during the
troubles at the "1O1" ranch Sunday. The
visitors seem to have got off easily.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-06-13

Who says the Kaw isn't navigable?
A PARTY of men from Kaw City have
Just reached Lawrence by boat.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-06-13

A patent medicine concern is printing
a testimonial from a kansas con-
gresham who hasn't been in congress
since 1293
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-06-13

All It was magnificent victory
gu pet! And with scarcely any dam
age to his own feetI tell you Togo is
.,,T,ogor' interrupted the patriotic Phila-
Mayor Viewers victory. -Philadelphis
Ledger.
It understand that you are sendinr
your boys to night school"
....Yessuhs' - answered Uncle Raspberry.
Ian San't they. go in the daytinee?'
FER to hab dem take DER spare time in
de daylight when de chickens is wide
awake an kin look after deirse'fs.''-
Miss .Romanz-You don't appear to care
Innch Tor music. Don't you even like the
Miss Hunter-No. the only popular air
with me is the millionaire Philadelphia
Friend of the Family-You are very
lucky, my boy, to be the seventh son. It
Son No. lit hasn't 50 far. All it's
brought yet is the old clothes OF my six
prothers.-Detrott Free Press.
Motor Cyelist-I see that MuEgins has
named nam his automobile after his wife. Isn't
Bicyclist-Not at all. He didn't name
his machine until he discovered he could
not control it. I think the name very ap-
propriate.-Albany Journal.
Mrs. Wanterknowe-I should like to
ask Questions WI" yoT aT o SO o GI4s f Theq
have idle curiosity?
Great Scott, Mo- Yours is the most per-
niciously active, Wideawake, sleepless, en-
ergetic curiosity 1t was ever my fate to
encounter. Chicago Journal.
They were seated so close together on
the parlor sofa that there was no. room
between them for an argument, when she
suddenly let loose large and soulful
Sipb
Whats the matter. darIing7" he asked.
oh, she replied, II just happened to
together until tomorrow evening! Lon
don Tit-Bits.
"Ah.'' said the man who was given to
moralizing. death comes alike to the rich
man and the poor man"
Except replied the ebservant man.
that in the former case It is usually
companied by reporters. ''-Philadelphia
Press.
"A soft answer" remarked the party OF
the first part 'turneth away wrath
True enough" responded the party of
the second part, but wrath also turneth
Journal.
.Hicks-I never saw any one so slow as
Wioss-slo7g? Why. the man is positive
FIicRs-But see how long it takes him to
Brown lives on the royalties Of his
books. doesn't he7"
Yes. soup three times week and
toothpick on Sunday. Atlanta Constitu-
ton.
Guest Tin cheap restaurant)-I say,
waiter, have you such thing as a hot
rolls2
Waiter-Stop yer kiddln' On de level,
pard, does I look like guy what has
money ter burn? Say, eff I had a hot
roll youse kin betcher life 1 WouldnH
be dom stunts in dis beanery See2-Chi-
cago News.
De Long-I say. old man, when are you
going to pay back the ten I let you have
six months ago?
Shortwad-Oh, in a few days, I would
have paid It back long ago, only I was
afraid OF hurting your feelings.
De Long-In what Way2
Shortwad-I didn't want you to think
thought you needed the money.-Chicago
News.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-06-13

The further you go into the Great
American Desert this year the better
the wheat is. until you get to the Col
orado line
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-06-13

"Ah'' said the man who was given to
moralizing. death comes alike to the rich
man and the poor man
Except" replied the obserVant man.
that in the former case It is usually ac-
companied by reporters. ''-Philadelphia
Press.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-06-13

Miss Romanz-You don't appear to care
much Tor music. Don't you even like the
Miss Hunter-No, the only popular air
with me is the MISUNDERSTANDING
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-06-13

Friend of the Family-You are very
lucky, my boy, to be the seventh SON It
VIII bring you everlasting fortune.
Son NO. lit hasn't so far. All it's
prought yet IS the old clothes OF my six
brothers.-Detroit Free Press.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-06-13

Motor Cyelist-I see that Muggins has
named his automobile after his wife. Isn't
that a queer proceeding2
Bicyclist-Not at all. He didn't name
his machine until he discovered he could
not control it. think the name very ap-
propriate.-Albany Journal.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-06-13

"A soft answer remarked the party of
the first part, ''turneth away wrath
True enough" responded the party OF
the second part, but wrath also turneth
away soft answer. Louisville Courier
Journal.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-06-13

Mrs. Wanterknowe-I should like to
know, Mr. W, why you are SO cross when
I ask questions Surely you don't think
have idle curiosity?
Great Scott, MOI Yours is the most per-
niciously active, Wideawake, sleepless en-
ergetic curiosity 1t was ever my fate to
encounter. ''-Chieago Journal.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-06-13

Hicks-I never saw any one so slow as
that fellow Ra.keley IS.
Wicks-Slow? Why the man Is positive
" fast.
Hicks-But see how long 1t takes him to
SOW his wild oats.-Ph Philadelphia Ledger.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-06-13

They were seated so close together on
the parlor sofa that there was no. room
between them for an argument when she
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-06-13

Il understand that you are sending
your boys to night school,
Yessuht answered Uncle Raspberry.
Can't they go in the daytime2'
Dey mout, WAS the reply; but pre-
FER to hab dem take DER spare time in
de daylight when de chickens is wide
awake an kin look after deirse'fs.''-
Washington Star.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-06-13

Brown lives on the royalties of his
books. doesn't he2"
Yes. soup three times a week and
toothpick on Sunday. Atlanta Constitu-
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-06-13
HUMOR or TIE DAY

All, It was magnificent victoryg'
You betl And with scarcely any dam
age to his own fieetl tell you Togo is
..Togor' interrupted the patriotic Phila-
1SssIphlan. lnnpatiently. Tn talking about
layer HeaVers victory. Philadelphia
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-06-13

What's the matter. darIing7" he asked.
oh" she replied, Il just happened to
think that this would be our last evening
together until tomorrow evening LION
don Tit-Bits.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-06-13

Guest Gn a cheap restaurant)-I say,
waiter. have you such a thin= as a hot
rols2
Waiter-Stop yer kiddin'. On de level,
pard, does I look like a guy what has
money ter burn? Say. eff I had a hot
roll" youse kin betcher life I WouldnH
be doin' stunts in dis beanery, See?-Chi-
cago News