The Forrest City times., 1905-08-11

country. of course. Rides Shoots. Sings Plays golf and the banjo But ! perhaps you were abo1t to say that you don't know poor Dicky?-
 T was
 You shall know him, though. It was to introduce him-and some other dear people-to you that I called"
 You see she said. showing her daz- zling teeth. we are all so poor nowa- days. aren't we? There's Jerry Hark- ins and little Kitty Hackney. Her losses at bridge"
 Billy stirred restlessly on the very uncomfortable chair to which he had been so unceremoniously condemned
 What thought Sas this she went on, breezily. "I thought it such an awful pity that poor Dicky or Jerry wasn't Harold Farsyde."
 May I request you. madam"
 ''To come 10 business? Of course Well. what I have in my mind is scheme-the most perfect scheme imag- inable-for rendering people appropri- ate We might form a company. and call it The impersonators, Limited. "
 T think hardly follow you.'
 "lt is quite simple. really. My idea is to make poets look like poets. To give an artistic tout ensemble to art isis. Lecturers should look profound all forehead and eyebrows and jaw and not as if they were only interested in some small. suburban ehandler's shop Positively. you know. these clever people injure their own reputa- tions by mingling with their fellow creatures. You literary agents ought not to allow your authors to appear in public: they damage their own sales. l am sure they do. And painters are always so in need of decoration them selves that you cannot possibly believe in their genius. And as for your reputed wits, have listened to more epierams at mothers meeting in one short half hour than ever heard at fashionable gathering of celebrities.
 You must have had some most un- fortunate experiences.
 Not unusually unfortunate. fancy. Other people quite agree with me. I was talking to . But-as you so courteously do not say-your time is valuable. and I am by way of becoming a nuisance vii hurry on, then. to my remedy. Why, Mir Boswell. should all these famous people ever appear in public al all?'
 Why
 Yes. Would it pot be better for all concerned if they were 10 employ other people to impersonate them? There are plenty of nice young men who would look far more like the authors of great works than the real authors do. And many of them would be only too glad to earn few guineas by wearing the mantles of the great at receptions and balls and dinner parties and afternoon teas. They would I am sure. stimulate sales enormously, instead of retarding them"
 You forget. madam. that the person. alities of most of our famous people are already well known to the public. One moment. How would it be possible ta introduce an altogether unknown per son as the author of-shall we say?-Mr l Farsyde's book. either to a hostess or the casual reader? MT Farsyde's DOT. i trait has appeared in
 And you said you were cynic," she l sighed.
 Pardon me. said Billy, it was you ! who said that"
 l Anyhow. she rejoined, you ought 1 to know that the memory of the common l herd k the most short-Hved thing in l the world. And then there are alway, new men and women coming along 1 They. al least"
 'I have not quite done =. How. for instance. could hint to my best author that he-is not altogether handsome, How could point out to one of my 1 artists or poets that he was essentially not pieturesque-that his wild hair re- sembled rather the stuffing out of 2 cheap sofa cushion than ambrosial locks? II could not be done. my dear madam. The thing is not feasible And my brilliant wits, What. in the name of all that is improbable. would 1 they do to me if l told them no matte! how delicately. that their funniments were not funny? And then, my lectur erers. Imagine their wrath at beina compared to small suburban shopmenr
 ''I didn't think" the lady faltered
 And that is not the worst of it either proceeded Billy. ruthlessly How am to advise them to chang their tailor or their dressmaker. theil natter or milliner, without laying my self open to the suspicion of taking com missions from tradesmen? And then you know, these absurd people are proud of their houses and their back gardens They plume themselves on their knowl- edge of horses and dogs And. above all, how is il conceivable that should criticise their wives adversely. and. iu the last dread resort, their children without provoking them to reprisal that might even be of sanguinary sort No. madam. Your idea has points. ad init, and, for some reasons l wish tha- it could be put into practice. But 1 long as life is ordered as 1t is at pres