Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1905-05-06

healt and needs to be bled. Would de am
| bulance doctor ask such a mug If he was
| sure his blood was pure?
You'll die if 1 don't bleed you, for sure,
| says Doc. but before l gets me little
lancet TO work must make nallysis OF
your blood to see is it blue and pure
But" says de mug who is having de nt
'ff it was blue and pure 1 wouldn't be
| wanting you to take some of 1t from me
! Do you tink I'm giving up dis blood Tor dc
| fun of de ting, or for me healt? Get busy
wit your little knife, or III die while We
are Ginning about it."
you has got hold of de wrong end en- de
proposition, Ike de felley who grabbed a
pig by de ear instead OF de tail, said DOC.
IF you've got blood poisoning you sure
ought to die, but if you are all right you
ought to live. Let us fost find out how you
stand dat proposition; den we can 90
business
Wei, Boss dats de lie of de game be-
tween Rockyfellow and de parsons. John
D. knows what ails him, and he sizes up
de proposition dat he will be better off if he
separates from a lengt of his roll for de
poipose of jollying along good works. Who
knows better dan him wedder he ought to
give to de choich? He's no come-on, neider
is he a farmer. Likewise he amt no spring
chicken, and wasn't born in Hoboken-
What's all de hoiler about, den? He dopes
out de game like dis: I'D like to live for
ever-or anyway until Tommy Lawson is
dead, and l seen him buried-but If l am
to be called away like odder common Woims,
need is to be coached for eternity. I'm
ou- of condition for long joiney, and must
put meself in de hands of trainers"
So says Rockyfellow, and he don't say
tngs for to hear himself talk. He says
dose tings because he is linking about 'em
hard.
"Now" says he, who is de best coach
for eternity where Is de best trainer for
long joney?"
Well, he gazeboos about de lot and he
sees dat he can get bote trainer and coach
in one; dat decides him, for it Will save de
wages of one. De good parsons who make
special study of converting de heedern
must be de best trainers and coach. See?
Dey is bote in one, and de best dere Is, at
dat. John D. is no fool. He always gets
de best hired man he can find, but he don't
pay no more for wages dan he has to. He
never made billion dollars bidding above
de market rate for wages, crude oil or
freight rates.
Dere you are. He sees a chance to get a.
teacher and coach of de best sort for one
wage and he loosens up. He assesses HIM
self a days earning and gives de mission
airy parsons a hundred thou. What for?
To make de naked Hottentot ashamed of
himself; to convince de pagan he ought to
pay pew rent? Nay. nay! He Is paying for
a coach to teach him how to get trough
de eye of dat needle, and a trainer for to
get him in condition for de stunt.
What happens? Some of de good parsons
gets hot in de collar, and makes speeches
about how John d. got de goods found on
him. Why?
Did you ever hear of a scene like dis in
de police court: Says de arrestng cop:
Your honor, IL you commit dis lad to de
Gerry Society I tink he can be reformed"
"No doubt, my good man." says his honor,
"but 1 can have no traffic wit dis yout'.
His plea for to be paroled as he can be
saved has noting to do wit de case. He
was caught wit de goods on him and must
go to jail Six monts. Next case"
Dere is too many questions asked, any
way fren' of mine who is by way of
being a messenger for committee of de
Congress in Washington, where dey passes
laws for lawyers, he was telling me of
good joke what he hears while he was in de
committee rooms when dey was holding
doping foods-pure food bill it was called.
he says. Well, de senators from Nv Y-k
comes up before de committee and dey says,
Gents" dey says. 'all de medical societies
an all de healt boards and all de women's
clubs, and all de ministers and priests and
rabbis, and nearly everybody in our state
has been sending petitions to us for to see
dat dis pure food bill is passed, and as no
body can kick against 1t, let US all get
reputation and pass 1t.
"But we amt going to pass 1t, Just de
same" says de committee. because IL VIII
interfere wit de impure medicines and DO
gus whisky and sawdust FOOD lndustrles
which we has in our states.
s.Nhat do you want to protect such crook
ed business as dose?' says de senators from
Nv Tx and den de committee says,
You ask too many questions
So de Senators from Nv Y-k dey hold
DER heads. up and DER chests out and dey
tee On de floor of de Senate chamber, and
vote for de bill and make 1t law.
When dey says dis de committee nearly
dies a-laughin, and when dey could say