The Topeka state journal., 1905-08-21
HUMOR OF THE DAY

HUMOR OF THE DAY
..Ughr' grunted Mr. Newliwed, what is
this stuff, anyway? -, -
why. what's the matter with +;
made tut out of Mrs. Spouter's COOKBOOK
and
ing I've here then.''-Philadelphia Ledger.
F1elzle-They say Grace TopIeE'ss sd hair
Miss Dangie-Humph! 1t falls farther
than that.-Boston Post
rs D'Auber doing anything remarkable
Yes, 15 hes he's Paintsd Pqannesi,s,gp prize picture"
mot at all. The picture is to be pre-
eentsa esses as its sIbeet pbiee Leader
Servant (at sweet girls boudolr1-Mrs.
Horrors. And my hair is all down! Tell
the kltcehn helping mother.-London Tit
Bits.
Inquisitive-What is that picture sup
posed to represent?
Amateur Artist-State street during the
great street railway strike.
Inquisitive-Here, let me throw 8 few
bricks through it and lend 1t local color
Albany Journal
Reads-That conductor makes me SO tar
nation mad. He persists in gazing iHte his
lations of the would-be passenger.
Stretches, but he makes amends when
then turns about and gazes intently at the
dashbeard.-Boston Transcript.
A soft answer seldom turneth away
graft.-Philadelphia Record.
mother, Johnny, and show her what a
shocking composition you brought in to-
Johnny-Go ahead an send fer her-I
don't care Me mudder wrote 1T anyway.
Judge.
/ Uncle Ito nephew, who has just come in
/ to fortune)-You must remember, my
| boy, that "A fool and his money are soon
partedy'
Fair Cousin-oh. but I'm sure Sammy
| Sammy delighted).-Punch.
Farmer Blake tat New York restauranp
| WAL, Miranda, here's spinach so cents
l wonder naow il that's a peck or bushel.
PUCK.
Crawford-Does your wife always con-
.crabshaw-After a. fashion. Whenever
then asks me If she can have it,-July
Smart Set.
Does your wife insist ON having the
last word?' said the man who asks imper-
aCertainiy not answered Mr.. Meekton.
..She doesn't have to insist-"-Wa ashington
Star.
"a man is pretty sure to revise his ideas
Of a. great T 5,5 many any things as 81 he advances in
Have you been changing your vievs?"
''Yes, sir: never realized the irnpor-
made e head Of ths e tns Peys
Washington Star.
- - got % fine JOB in de Business College"
de writin' teacher hired me to shake
de table when 6f @ de nsw pupils wFits; @ This 81 Is
gan to take lessons ''-Cleveland Leader
DO you think time is money! said
Cant be-" replied Bangs, ''they say
there's no end to time-and I'm broker
Detroit Free Press.
Mamma-Come now, Willie. you're not
Wiliie-Yes am. know I'm jest goin'
to die, but.mebbe q piece O. pie would cure
me.
Mamma-That settles 1t! You can't have
WiiIie-Mas if yov don't gimme that pie
phia Ledger.
Church, see they're getting the habit
fast' ln Fhiiadelphia Of ordering pie at break
Gotham Philadelphia. did you say7
Gotham-Ohl we'll you know, If they
order it at breakfast in Philadeiphia they
will probably get it for dinner.-Yonkers
Nothing would please that woman bet
neishbors. remarked Jokeiev. WI" i'''
look st.
Philadelphia Press.
Irate Buyer-f.ook here when 1 bought
this horse you said he had good record
for consistent performances on the track
and find it takes him fifteen minutes to
go a mile.
Dealer-But I didn't mean a race track;
meant a car track.-washington Life.
HAS Skaddley any social standing?"
HAS he? BY George, you'll see his name
almost every week in the list of automo-
bilists that have been fined for scorching"
Chicago Tribune
He says he will never marry If Jiit
hiaH nWe1I" $40 answered. Miss csyenne ne. NAV
be such an arrangement would make a
number of people happier. .'-Washington
Star
Physician-Id. advise you to drink a cup
of hot water with every meal
Patient-I do. but my landlady calls it
coffec.-Chicago News
Il am awfulIy poor, you know began
the smitten young man., but
s.Well' interrupted the frigid-hearted
o5 m HsTsg g,as to nieSs ssR y0u along n
car fare home. News.
IF had my life to live over again,
would do very differently sighed the re-
pentant n4n, gloonlily.
so would T. chirped Cheerup. "I've
could shake stick at."-Detroit Free
| Press.
xIa-o tha -,rorooter rvbtsnered ..or.~41s---