Lawrence democrat. (Lawrenceburg, Tenn.) 1884-1925, 1905-05-19

can enjoy your religion and victuals
as well as ever, but the seasickness
that the English channel gives you is
a permanent investment, like govern
ment bonds that you cut coupons off
OF. | 'spect we shall be sick always
now, and worse every other day, like
chills ard fever.
Say a boat on the English channel
docs not roll, or pitch, at intervals,
like boat on ordinary water but it
docs stunts like a broncho that has
been poisoned by eating loco-weeds,
and goes into the air and dives down
under, and shakes itself ike black
bass with a hook in its mouth, and
rolls over like trained dog, and sits
up on its hind legs and begs, and then
walks on its fore paws, and seems to
jump through hoops, and dig for wood
chucks, and all the time the water
boils like 'pollinarius, full of bubbles,
and it gives you the hiccups to look
at it, and 1t flows every way at the
same time, and the wind comes from
the fourteen quarters at once, and
blows hot if you are too hot and want
a cool breeze, and if you are too cold,
and want warm breeze to keep you
alive, it comes right from the north
pole, and you just perish in your
tracks.
Gee, but it is awful. When you get
seasick on an ordinary ocean, you
know where to locate the disease, and
you know where to go for relief, and
when you have got relieved you know
that you are alive, but an English
channel seasickness is as different
from any other as an alcohol Jag is
different from a champagne drunk
This English channel seasickness be-
gins on your toes, and you feel as
though the toenails were being pulled
out with pincers, and the veins in
your legs seem to explode, your arms
wilt like lettuce in front of cheap
grocery, your head seems to be struck
with piledriver and telescoped down
AulU your oplhC, huu yOul olOmuNu
feels as though you had swallowed a
telephone pole with all of the cross
arms and wires and glass insulators,
and you wish lightning would strike
you. Gosh, but dad was hot when
he found that he. was sick that way,
and when we got ashore he wanted to
Kill the first man he met.
He thinks that it is crime for
man not to understand the English
language, and when he tells what he
wants, and the man he is talking to
Shrugs his shoulders and laughs, and
brings him something else, he wants
40 pull his gun and begin to shoot
.ap the town, and only for me he would
have killed people before this, but now
ne takes it out in scowling at people
who do not understand him. Dad
seems to think that if he cannot make
a man understand what he says, all
he has to do Is TO swear at the man,
@ut there is no universal language OF
profanity, so the more dad swears the
more the nervous Frenchman smiles
and acts polite.
think the French people arc the
,politest folks ever knew If q
ytcrenchman had to kick person out CT
doors, he would wear a felt Slipper
and after he had kicked you he would
place his ha-,, on his heart, and bow
and look so sorry, and hurt, that you
would want to give him a tip
o, but this tipping business is what
ia breaking dads heart. | think Il
the servants would arrange a syndi
cate 20 rob dad of two or three dol
bars day, by pocket picking, or sneal
thievlng. he would overlook it, anC
say that as long as it was enc of tht
customs of the country we shoul'
nave TO submit TO it, but when b