St. Johns review. (Saint Johns, Or.) 1904-current, 1905-09-29
"A FEW-
.THORNS. .

No one ever really knows a
woman. Some think they debut,
pshaw! they don't.
The Iggorotes are said to be in
love with Oregon hogs. Street car
or just plain sidewalk?
Undertakers all over the country
are increasing their stocks of collins.
The football season is opening.
Compliments are now being ex-
changed by members of the city
council. II seems to be the open
season for bricks.
A St. Johns car yesterday ran
over small pumpkin dropped from
vegetable wagon-and when the
fellow picked up the thing twas
squash"
Ever since that 225-pound fat
woman sat down in our lap on the
car into Portland we have been a
firm believer in the theory that the
charge for street car service should
be by weight.
"a sucker Is born every minute. "
To judge from the number OF
schemes so frequently before the
public one would suppose the pro-
motors imagined there must be a
multiplicity of triplets.
Just as soon as Komura learned
that he was not to be beheaded as
soon as he reached China he COM
menced to recover from his serious
illness. We've seen small boys
afflicted the same way.
Portland merchants are shouting
Make Portland Day a bowling
successW It'll be "howling," all
right, all right; whether or not il
will be success depends OH how
many times people desire to go to
the fair.
After dancing through the air for
several miles last Friday the airship
commenced to settle on account of
loss Of gas--so il flew to the Port
land newspaper Offices and filled up.
After that the machine behaved
beautifully.
A fellow in Portland gave his
sweetheart $500 in cash and then
she Tilted him. Then he tried to
kill himself Che didn't try very
hard) and people wonder whether
Il was the loss OF the girl or the
cash which made him sorrow.
In $50 minutes Judge cleland. of
Portland, divorced 5s people. At
this rate II would require but s,I66
hours to divorce every person in
that city. Let the good work go
on grass widows are not troubled
with hay fever here in Oregon.
Two fellows, Henry and Walter, |
are preaching OH Portland streets a
new doctrine. They talk about
purity OF bo,ly-and come from
Benton Harbor, Michigan. Bet
three bits they'll advertise some
brand OF soap before they get
through.
II, as returned physician from
China, DIR. Hallock. asserts there
ire 100000 christians in China.
hat country has fully 100. 600 more
han America. Why not, doc,
end some Of those fellows over
iere and let 'em christianile some
II our citilensl
A Chicago professor now Is prov.
ny that the earth is not hollow
'ut is solid chunk. Suppose he
locs prove it-and suppose we all
'elieve it-what difference will il
make with the subscription price OF
rHB RgvIhwl That's solid now
nd we all know il.
That preacher who declared 1.-THE
verage man will pay more to be
.ept out OF Jail for one day than
ell pay to be kept out of hell for
thousand years probably knew ,
'hat he was talking about, ANY
ray, what's the use of crossing the
ridge before you reach the river'
Did YOU ever know a person who
'ould use bath cabinet after the
rst month"; Like a child's toy
hey are all right till the new"
ears OF after that they are never II
fought of, Any agent can sell
lem-but il takes a mighty intelli- a
,nt Christian to continue to use =
le pesky thing, y
Down in Conway, Arkansas. a d
oh took negro arrested for p
iminal assault and hanged him 2
] he was dead as a nit. The :
'eration was very successful for Z
e fellow is vet dead. The only ;
ouble was that the next day the :
ob found out that they had fixed Z
{ wrong coon: the one they \
tiled was in for burglary. !
New York landlords are growing Z
're bitter against renting houses
families having children-and :
are being made with I
stork to make trips only to poor !
Miles who don't care. One y
man applicant told her landlord
It she had five children-but o.
y were all in the cemetery.