Pine Bluff daily graphic., 1905-10-22
STORY OF THREE DERBYHATS
= COMEDY W. T. THE IRON MOUNTAIN.
ATTORNEY NJ A. AUSTIN, A p EPoRTER
ARE THE CHIEF CHARACTERS
PLAYING INTERESTING

he very nat turduY imagined tnat tllat
gentleman had it. And strange to
say again. Mr.. Austin very naturally
thought the same thing. And, natural
ly. 100. Mr.. Austin woke up next morn
lag laboring under the same awful
he had bad case Of "swelled head"
For be it remembered that he had the
reporters hat, the smallest in the lot,
and thinking that he had the superin-
tendent's, which was the largest in
the lot, he could not understand why
his head had grown to such abnormal
proportions as to fail to gct inside a
hat worn by the railway man.
Mr.. Austin's reply To Superintendent
Tyler's petition is said to be a mas
terpiece of human eloqnence aud sa
tire combined. Not having been able
to recover it for publication. the re-
porter has only hearsay evidence, but
/! is said that he prefaced his remarks
by assuring Superintendent Tyler that
he had very prayerfu II considered his
petition, and begged to report, with
tears in his throat. that he never took
that gentlemanis hat at all. but that
Superintendent Tyler had taken his
hat. Now, in addition to his many 9th
er talents, Mr. Austin is a nature-born
poet. He doesn't always make his
verse rythm, but never fails to make
it rhyme. This is the kind of song
he sung to the tune of "Where'd You
Get That Hat:
| didn't take your hat:
You took my hat.
have my hat;
Not your hat.
My hat
Is Stetson hat.
| don't know what kind Of a hat
Your hat
Was. You had a hat
Once, and had you kept that hat
You would now have hat
And | would not be looking for my hat
Your honesty will be your ruin
Yet
This Mr.. Austin followed up with
seme very touching remarks anent the
value of hat and closed with some
friendly advice upt n the care of hats
in general. He promised to do all in
bis power for the recovery of tho lost
treasure, even to the extent of asking
fcr another special session of the city
council, if necessary.
Now, here is where the comedy be-
came still more comical It will be
seen from the foregoing that Mr. Aus
tin stated that the hat in his possess
sion was Stetson. 1t so happened
that the reporters was also Stetson.
but there the resemblance ceased, ex-
cept. as aforestated. that they were all
derbies. But with the simple state
ment that it was derby, Superintend-
ent Tyler no longer doubted in the
least that he was on the right trail
OF his lost headgear. and is said to
have issued official orders that the
goods be franked to him in Little
Rock without delay. even if il requir.
ed special train to get it back. The
lat was forwarded.
Behold his modification to find upon
opening it that it was not his hat after
all. and was so small that he couldn't
even make it stick to the prairie coun-
try surrounding the top of his head.
The hat was of no use whatever to
him. and so he sent it back to the
agent at Pine Bluff with instructions
to send his hat to him.
The comedy had about run it's
course here. and the reporter saw that
things were about to develop tragical-
ly, and sent word to Mr.. Tyler that he
could get his hat by forwarding the
reporters. Neither could wear the
others. and they were laid aside. Just
then the reporter was called up over
the phone, and informed that he could
get his hat at the depot. by bringing
Mr.. Tyler's back. The swap was made
amicably, and the three hats are now
IN the possession of their rightful own
ers. after many trials and tribulations.