Aberdeen herald. [volume] (Aberdeen, Chehalis County, W.T.) 1886-1917, 1905-04-06
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w nat are you gong TO 90! dolly
Why, tell him yes.-Town Topics.
Friend-What is hope? Poet-Its
something that wakes you up ut four
o'clock in the morning when the post
man doesn't come around till TEN
Rams Horn.
He-My father is banker. and has
never been inside theater in his life
She-Really? My father is an actor.
and has never been inside q bank in
his life.-Judy
Newrich-How'd you get along at
the dinner? Mrs. Newrich-Fine.
When they eat pie with a fork. | done
it, too. so as not to let 'em see their
break. New York Sun.
Judge-The next person who inter
rnpts the proceedings of this court
will be expelled from the room! Pris-
oner-Hoo-ray! Whoopee-ee. Now
femme gO.-Chicago News.
Bank President-We're ruined! The
cashier has absconded with one hun
dred thousand dollars. Director
Don't get excited. He has left a note
offering to take us into partnership.
Mrs. Oatcake (reading newspaper
Gracious me! Mr. Murdoch has been
arrested. 1t was discovered that he
had twenty wives, and all are living.
Farmer Oatcake-O-oh. another case
of Brigham-y.-Puck.
Boardcr (warmly)--Oh. ! know ev-
cry one OF the tricks Of your trade.
DO you think have lived in boarding
houses twenty years for nothing'
Lnndlady (frigidly)-I shouldn't be at
all surprised New Yorker
Let me see. cynlc IS aman who
is tired of the world, is he not?" the
young student of language asked
NO. no, my child" replied the know
ing tutor: "a cynic is man of whom
the world Is tired. Pick Me Up.
The Senator-Why mustn't | vote
for that bill? observation-disclosures
the people don't want 1t. Senator. The
Senator-What have the people got
to do with it? Amt election over,
hey ?-Lonisville Courer-Journnl.
After the wedding: He-What are
you crying for, love? She-Over
papa's wedding present-boo-ho
He-Why, what's the matter with it?
She-It's nothing but receipted bill
for the gas we used up during our
courtship. -Me-Up.
Uncle John-So you don't like your
teacher. Tommy? Tommy (savagely)--
No. l don't l wisht he was at the
bottom of the sea. Uncle John-Oh,
come now. Tommy! That's too much
to say. Tommy-Well. | wisht he
was at the bottom Of Jones mill pond
hen-Philadelphia Press.
Just resentment: Young Husband
Bertha, did you ask the grocer to
show you some OF those seedless beans
was telling you about this morning?
Young Wife-Yes. and If you want
your slippers warmed before you put
them on you can warm them yourself,
sir l won't-Chicago Tribune
The Man-Your daughter telephoned
me to call and fix your piano. Her
Father-What's the matter with IT.?
The Man-One of the strings is
broken Her Father-What will it
cost to repair the broken string? The
Man--Two dollars. Her Father
Well, here's So. Break the rest Of
'em.-Chicago News.
Paw" asked little Johnny, whats
COMPROMISED" THAT, my son." re
piled the wise father. depends on
whom It's made with. For instance.
II ! make a compromise with a bust
ness man. go about half way. But
II make compromise with your
mother. why. I--er-l go all the way"
Houston Chronicle.
What do you think OF Keats ode
on a Grecian Urn" asked Mrs. Old
Castle az they slipped their tea in the
ma gnificent library. Il think" her
hostess replied. "lf he'd of been n
gentleman he'd of paid It, Josiah says
people never ought to have luxuries
that they have TO get trusted for.
Chicago Record Herald.
Now, try to remember, said the
acher, that Horatius won his glory
hy his performance at the bridge AL
WAYS keep that thought in mind and
it will help you to be brave and
noble" Huh sneered Johnny,
that amt nothin. You see my pa
and ma at bridge almost every night
| in the week New York Herald
Il wish to get excused this after
| noon" said Bizzlethorp. as he APP
preached the general managers desk;
, you see they've put me down to act
ms a pallbearer at funeral" Ger
tainly; go ahead. But you don't seem
to feel very sad about It, mo. Hes
the fellow my wife has always been
| holding up to me as model
Chicago Record Herald.
Mrs Pugh-Our minister says he Is
going to change the last part of the
| service Mrs. knave-DoeS he think
he can improve il: Mrs. Pugh--No
but he thinks it's necessary. Instead
! of saying. Let us sing the DoXology.'
| he is going to say: Let us adjust our
| clothes. slip on our gloves, grab our
| hats. forget all about the Lord. and