davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Cairo bulletin., 1905-12-18

couldn't listen to you and trim the rud
i mean do you rudder-at the same
time. Sailors always look at the sky
and things and mediate. Now. how
shall we get off! The boat spins round
like hobbyhorses turning on a pole.
I'll bet folks are looking at US from
the hotel and laughing"
Tom gazed into the water specula-
lively.
II suppose | could get out aud push
of" he said suggestively. 1T isn't
over three or four feet deep. But I'D
get awfully wet"
Then you sit right there aud hold
on for your life" cried Blanche with
eringly as she sprang to her feet "I'l
jump overheard myself and push off.
I'D just love to get wet. well" as
Tom splashed into the water. III you
viii do it. You're slow for emergen-
eies. but | think you'll be susc eptible
to treatment. Now" as the boat was
slid off the rock, almost causing her 10
lose her balance. and Tom clapibere1
dripping on board. supp )se you trim
DO the rudder awhile and let me trim
sail | want 10 learn 1t all"
Crazy" growled Tom as he edged
by her TO the cockpit and grasped the
rudder II could have pushed Of with
an oar Just rs wen and saved this
wetting-if Id thought. LUZ little.
Blanche"
Lets see"-sweetly-''th has 10 be
done with the rudder. doesn't It, 1omy"
"Oh. well. maybe 1t "-irritably
but you'd be owlish II you had
streams Of water coursing down your
back and flooding your shoes. And
were right IN front Of the hotel Like
" 400 out Of the 800 guests are look
Ing at us and making remarks" lie
was silent for some moments and tisen
rddcl. And I Dragged whole lot r.
some Of the fellows about ry-my salt
iness"
Poor Tom" laughed Blanche But
I'm in the same boat. Nv talk was
horribly salty this morning. rm afraid
The Cairo bulletin., 1905-12-18
Broken Gently.

The cashier Of q certain firm had
absconded and the staff Of clerks were
deciding ON a fl and proper person to
acquaint the head of the firm OF the
fact on his arrival
Ultimately the matter was left inthe
hands Of the head clerk, possibly be
cause none of the others cared 10 I'M
dcrtake the responsibility.
There had been dog fight In the
street. aud small crowd was just
dispensing as the chiefs carriage dash
Cd up.
whats that crowd after. JorkinsT'
demanded the head Of the firm.
The chief clerk thought he recog-
nized n chance of breaking the news
gently and seized II.
The vacancy. sir" he replied.
Vacancy? What vacancy?"
Cashier. sir"
But we want no cashier. Jorkins."
beg pardon. sir. but we've a vacan-
~ for one!"
"Jorkins. are you madT
"No. sir That is. sir. | don't know.
sir. Pact is. sir. all the cash is gone,
and and"-
'WellT'
The cashiers gone with H. sir"'
From the way the old man took IL
the clerk thought he might just as
we'll have blurted il out at the start
London Tit-Biis.
The Cairo bulletin., 1905-12-18

WE hear on the most childish au
lhority that somebody is spreading the
report of Santa's giving up his rein.
deer and coming this year In new
automobile instead. Now that must be
the same old crank who knows so
much about William Tell and Barbara
Fritsche and speaks learnedly of Ba.
con alias Shapespeare. No. sir. be-
lieve all that you can whenever you
can and as long as you can and as for
that scoop about the reindeer there Is
nothing in it-they are just as much
in use as they were and as much a
part OF the fun as Santa himself.
The Cairo bulletin., 1905-12-18
UNIFORM STATE LAWS.

THE GROUP OF WESTERN LIFE
insurance commissioners has decided
Ito work for uniform state laws on the
subject Of | fe insurance. This is
Iclearly the remedy in this and in
Emany other similar emergencies. Con
stitutional limitation prevents federal
control of many social and business
activities. like insurance, marriage
and divorce and perhaps corporations
generally.
Federal bankruptcy laws are eXpen'
sive and not very satisfactory. Indus
trial corporations can be reached by
the federal government only so far as
] they engage in interstate commerce,
The supreme court has held that in
surance is not interstate commerce
at all There can be no national mar
riage and divorce law without amend
ment Ct the constitution.
There is necessity for more strict
regulat on of all these things by law
Than was contemplated by the makers
of the constitution. Human standards
of marriage and divorce are far more
lax than when the republic was born.
Business activities are far more exten-
sive than the fathers dreamed of They
knew of restricted interstate com
merce and general bankruptcy, but
nothing of railroads CT telegraphs. ex
press companies huge industrial cor
porations and cosmopolitan lfe insur
ance. They never imagined that their
provision that each state should give
full credit TO the laws of every other
would lead to annulment of sound
laws by unsound or lax laws in other
states.
This evil has caused strong drift
to Capitalization of power in the feder-
al government. That drift would lead
much farther but for constitutional
lin tationa There is plain need for
marriage and divorce, insur-
ance and industrial corporation laws
We cannot have them without amend
ment of the constitution The greed |
Of great trusts and life insurance com
Danes. the lust of human passion for
variety in marriage, have no check tut
the laws of the most corrupt aud back
ward state.
The marriage and divorce ref rmers |
b upon the remedy when they gave
up federal law and began to agitate
Tor uniform state laws. The insurance
have made the same
wise choice. Practical reform takes
what il can get -
The Cairo bulletin., 1905-12-18
HAD TO SWALLOW AND PRAISE,
BoastfuI lnnkeeper Carried Bluff
Through to the End.

DR.. John F. Russell of New York,
whose emulsion of fats and com
pounds Of vegetable juices has done SO
much for the cure of consumption,
said at meeting of physicians that
he did not wish TO praise too ardently
his discoveries
For they who speak overLighly OF
their own work" he said. ARE always
a little RIDICULOUS, and sometimes they
stumble, like a certain lnnkeerer into
pitfall.
This innkeeper, New Hampshire
mar. was notorious for the bad quality
of his beer.
"A joker from Sunapee. gentleman
named Perley, said one day that he
would put up trick on the lnnkeeper
and as he sat at a table with some
friends in the inn he poured lot Of
vinegar and pepper into a glass OF
beer before him.
Then rerley made horrible face
and roared out:
Dreadful It's a shame. This Is
not beer. 1t is POISON
Pale with rage, the landlord hur.
ried in
Whats the matter with you, Per
ley?' he said. That beer is. all right.
All right, is it,? said Perley. wink
ing at his companions Well, just
taste 1t and see If it's all right
The landlord put the full glass OF
doctored beer to his lips. He drained
the vile mixture to the last drop. Then,
determined to stand up Tor himself at
all costs, he said:
AN excellent glass of beer. | never
tasted a BETTER"
The Cairo bulletin., 1905-12-18

money. 4 did not 10 this for person
al gain"
And what was the result Of the as
saut? Mr.. Lwson has proved that
Wall street Is a slaughter-house for
lamb, no matter how fat and juicy
they may be. The Money Devil COB
blei him Just as he suspected Il would.
The light that never was on land or
sea Is shining from the placid eyes
of Henry II. Rogers. Wall street APP
proaches the gladsome Yuletide in the
virtuous consciou. ness Of a good deed
well done
1t found Thomas w. Lawson at the
gates Of the city clamoring for mar
tyrdom, and II promptly delivered the
goods, Happy Mr. Lawson, with his
martyrs crown! santiied Wall street,
which helped him win IL!
The Cairo bulletin., 1905-12-18
storekeeper Had Tact.

State Geologist Kummel of New Jer
sey was talking about forestry, which
can. he claims. be made very profit
able in the little state of white sand
and scrub,
what is needed he said. lis intel
ligence, a business head, the same
sort Of ability which, though often
misappied. still makes John Maid
ment's store the most popular and
successful one in a fifty.mile radius.
John Madment sells everything
Let me give you an example of his tai
emit.
"A woman. warm and furious, got
out of Dearborn wagon the other
day and entered Maidment's big, cool
store.
81 ook here, she said. that rock
ing-chair you sold me yesterday was
no good
"How so, madam? Maidment ask
ed.
Why said the woman, the rock
ers are not even. AS you rock the
good-for-nothing chair keeps sliding
sideways all over the room
"Maidment threw up his hands.
By jingo. he said, i made mis-
take and sent you one of our new pat
ent rockers, warranted not TO wear
out the carpet all in one place. That
style costs 81 more th;sa-'
But the woman had turned and
was already nearly out of the store
:" Mistake or no mistake, she said,
4 won't pay the extra 81 and | won't
return the charlse there"
The Cairo bulletin., 1905-12-18
DECEIT WAS NOT ALL DECEIT
Hiding Psrson Really Had Attack OF
"Scarlet Fever.


In the days when DR.. Phillpotts was
Bishop of Exeter there was certain
hunting parson in his diocese by
name Radcliffe. The Bishop came
one day to pay him an unexpected
visit.
Parson Radcliffe. In scarlet. was
Just about to mount his horse and
gallop off to the meet when he heard
that the Bishop was in the Village.
He had barely time to send away
his hunter. run upstairs. and jump,
red coat. boots, and all. into bed when
the Bishops carriage drew up at the
dooor.
Tell his lordship I'm in bed and
can't see him." said the huntsman to
his housekeeper on hearing the
wheels.
'Is Mr. Radcliffe in?" asked DR..
Phillpotts. a moment later.
Very sorry, my lord; Mr.. Radcliffe
is confined TO bed"
r Dear me, I'm so sorry" said the
kindly old episcopal visitor; "Ill go
up and see him. II may
The housekeeper ran upstairs in
great dismay and rushed into her
masters room. The Bishop says
that he is coming up to see you; what
shall We do?7
oh. that's all right said Parson
Radcliffe; tell HIS lordship I'm cruel
bad with an attack Of scarlet fever
it's very aggravated and extremely
catching ,"-London Answers.
The Cairo bulletin., 1905-12-18
.mARTyRDoM OF TOM tAwsoiN n

NOT SINCE ARNOLD WINKEI.
ried gathered the spears of the Aus.
trian phalanx TO his bosom and ma c
way for liberty has there been a more
Inspiring sacrifice To the welfare OF
human ~ than that of Thomas W
Lawson, Of BOSTON
We do nos except even the heroic
conduct Of Thomas f. Ryan in paying
S-.50o.o0o for the Hyde stock in the
Equitable in order to keep the society
out of the hands Of men with axes tc
grind"
Like a plurhed knight Mr. Lawson
has deliberately walked into the DRIP
ping jaws Of the Money Devil to
(; how The plain people how the mon
ster swallows its victims. that thsy
nav be warned.
he knew that "the Wall street struc
lure s one Of chieanery and fraud
He knew that IF ! could not make
Interests would oppose me in a way II
dlscredil my actions and predictions.
he kew that If ] could not make
headway against them should p7r
force meet my financial Waterloo.
Although he had demonstrated thi,
fact in his writings be believed that
practical iIlu srations would br ne
home more forcefully 10 the pIsir
people the truth Of bis preachments
Therefore ATTACKED the marke
With ny cEn and NJ Associates
The Cairo bulletin., 1905-12-18
sHnARS AND PASTE


Employer-"You look this morning
as if you had been late, very late, get
ting into bed last night"
Sleepy CIerk-3I wasn't. but would
have been" M
Employer" How do you mean you
would have been? -
Sleepy Clerk-"lf hadn't decided
not to go to bed at all
The Cairo bulletin., 1905-12-18

were In fal pe,li a.A3 aih4ltion'
when we get bucK.'
q Tom groaned, kicked the water from
! his shoes then laughed.
4 only a month, did You say
Blanche?" he asked.
That's all. And papa made whole
lot of trouble about that. He doesn't
I like the seashore bit ana only gave
/ in when | promised 10 be good Cir
/ and consider his wishes in the fall
i You see, I'm escaping, and wanted 10
/ get just ms far away as possible IN
hope of making II, permanent"
Queer quoth Tom; I'm escaping
too only mines to be all summer
And I'm studying how to make the
thing permanent"
Blanche looked Interested.
Whats your trouble" she asked
"a gIrI?"
Yes. Money In two families. Got
to be united, All cut and dried without
consulting me-"
"Nhy don't you jump overheard, as
you did just now!'
That's what I'm thinking Of. But
ii means disinheritance, and I've never
earned cent Ia my life. It's some
thing that calls for mental struggle
through silent watches of the night"
rs the girl I.ice looking?"
Never saw her But how IL ii with
you?'
,.Ine+ tha sa,,,a NIonov tnanav mon
cy, aud never saw the man either"
Tom leaned forward. his eyes Shin
ing.
"I.ook here, Blanche he cried. "lets
elope. Tharll settle the whole thing for
both of US"
"Why, Tom Howard." in dismay.
1--WE haven't known each other two
hours yet"
What Of it," boldly. I'VE both like
the water. don't we? And we've got to
do something
But get married. after two hours,
aud not know thing about each
other?"
We'll. tomorrow II make twenty
four hours more and a month will be
thirty whole days. And wen be out
every day boating and talking Isn't
that enough
Blanche drew long breath.
II don't know" she answered doubt
fully. wen see. But l wish the other
Howard you know-had little
more of your brass. | wouldn't so
much mind him then. But T. de Folk
stone Howard Pah! 1t makes ME
think of dancing master"
Tom turned red and then purple, but
the last was with laughter, held back.
$50 the other fellow Is a Howard
too he choked, land +. de Folkstone?
What a cad! But don't you suppose
that might be the adolescence OF col
lege days, Blanche. to be outgrown?
Why, I once heard of a girl who bud
ded Mt Wellesley ash. Gladys Clorinda
Wilmot. Don't you think that name
to run away fromT"
"You-wreteh. Are you Thomas de
Folkstone Howardf"
Guilty, with no extenuatlng circum
stances"
Blanche stared. bit her lip, then sank
weakly upon thwart.
Tom" she said family, lets go in
now. before anything more happens.
I've had sall | can stand today. To
morrow we VIII start again"
The Cairo bulletin., 1905-12-18
Reading Lesson.

II is a well established fact thar the
lyerage school teacher experiences a
tempts to enforce the clear pr0nun.
citation of the terminal "g' of each
present participle.
Robert said the teacher of one
of the lower classes during the pro
gress of reading exercises, please
read the first sentence
A diminutiye lad arose to his feet,
md amid series of labored gasps
breathed forth the follow ng:
See the horse runnin'."
Don't forget the g, Robert" ad-
monished the teacher
Gee! See the horse runuin'"
The Cairo bulletin., 1905-12-18
seerorlnkins In Germany.

An American consular report draws
attention 10 the enormous consump-
ton Of beer in German cities. In GER
tain places unfavorable social condi-
tons have decreased the consumption.
,notably in Saxony and Bavaria. but
throughout the German empire in the
asst twenty years there has been an
from ten and one-half gallons per cap
ia TO thirty-two gallons and three
luarts The most suggestive figures
IRE those from Munich, the capital Of
bavaria. where fourteen years ago the
onsumrtlcr Of tecr reached tie al
lost incredible figures o. nearly ten
eifous Ter capita Cr arnum.
The Cairo bulletin., 1905-12-18
November Circulation.

The above Is a correct statement OF
the circulation of the Cairo Bulletin
daily and Sunday for the year 1904,
and for the first eleven months Of the
year 1905. CLYDE SULLIVAN &.
Business Manager.
Subscribed and sworn to before me
this End day of December 1905.
(SeaI.) LEO J. KLEB,
Notary Public.
MY commission expires January is,
1909.
The Cairo bulletin., 1905-12-18

"A WOMAN is only woman hut
the average man is joke" says Mary
Mac in the Duluth News Trib. Only
too true Of Duluth men anyway. if this
section Of recent cartoon in the Her.
aid faithfully portrays the type.
The Cairo bulletin., 1905-12-18
In, Ma,ernroof FACE.

I am convinced that our solsmnlty
Of demeanor is generated by our gray
skies. our piercing east WINS. our
heavy. yellow foes. and our slushy
roads and raven. hts. The water
proof face &c the direct result Of
ornament ~ lead Many OF US Eng
lish people look like inca-nate un-
b-ellas.-Cuser.
The Cairo bulletin., 1905-12-18

A new machine for making glass.
ware with handles. such as jugs. is
ceing tried in indiana. and is the in
vention of mould maker ramed
Holman. Il makes a handled article
in one piece and at one operation. j.
will displace thousands of hand work
ers and reduce the cost 10 one-quar-
ter, probably less.
The Cairo bulletin., 1905-12-18

The Bulletin 10 on sale at the fol
lowing places:
coleman's, 2i4 Eighth street.
Halliday House news stand.
Walkers, 10 Sixth street.
Union News Co., Union depot.
Blue Front Restaurant.
The Cairo bulletin., 1905-12-18
A Touchy Came.

The man WHO tried to introduce
new game into society found that most
Of the women wouldn't play, He ask
ed them to begin by each wetting her
finger In glass of water and then
drawing it down across her cheek
Somerville Journal.
The Cairo bulletin., 1905-12-18
Problem Likely 70 Be Solved.

I'm told you are so rich you don't
know what to do with your money"
said the old time friend
"Yes +" answered Mr. Cumrox But
| expect TO have an imported son-'n-
law an / guess maybe he'll show me.
The Cairo bulletin., 1905-12-18
Extensive Industry in Grapes.

Shipping and keeping grapes In
cork dust is quite an industry In some
Of the European grape districts. A
considerable quantity OF such grapes
shipped from Spain Is annually con-
snmed In the United States.
The Cairo bulletin., 1905-12-18

What would you do eff you wuz on
lie way ter heaven en- de devil set
fire ter yo' wings?'
In dat case I'd make fr'en's wild
de deviI-kaze I'd know | wuzznt fit
FER heaven, no howl"
The Cairo bulletin., 1905-12-18

THERE Is warning In the Anna
polls AFFAIR for Mr.. Roosevelt, If he
is not very careful some of the upper
class senators may take him out and
haze him.
The Cairo bulletin., 1905-12-18

N INDIANAPOLIS NEWS predicts
that the natural result of the fotball
reform movement VIII be the revival
Of tiddledywinks
The Cairo bulletin., 1905-12-18
The peacon,s EXCLAMATION.

Did you ever see de like? Thunder
IN lightnin' in de winter time!"
you better take warnin' fun IT,"
al tho old de9con Us no mo- nor
ass dan hell BLOWN OF steam,"
The Cairo bulletin., 1905-12-18
Lona Term Students.

Il tell you what" said the man who
was fond of moralizing, experience is
a great school,
quite so" replied the wise one
but few ever live to graduate from
IL
The Cairo bulletin., 1905-12-18

"A MILLION Americans. more OF
Less hayes bought the fold playhouse
in Philadelphia where Betsy Ross dc
signed the Stars and Stripes. +.
The Cairo bulletin., 1905-12-18

THE status OF Mr.. Corey in connec-
lion with the Steel Trust presidency
seems to be out agin, in agin, out
agin, In agin.
The Cairo bulletin., 1905-12-18
THE DAILY JINGLE
LULLABY.

Shut yo' III eyes, honey.
Go to sleep;
Iamy's here beside yo'.
A watch to keep:
Roo man never get my baby
Catch him IL he tries:
.ay 20 head on mammy's arm;
Close yo' eyes.
WIs ETgS VII FHE
Muffin TO be fraid Of honey,
Don yo' cry;
Hammy1l never. never leave yo'
Hush ma baby. by:
Dream mans comm down the chin
70 ney
Just TO let yo' ride;
Don yo' be afraid with nanny
BY 20 SIDE
Dream mans took yo' on a journey.
Mammy's III SWEET;
Lordy. bow | miss the patter
OF 30 l'l feet:
Don 20 stay too long, ma honey
I.essn yo' Is nigh
Maxim lots o. noise yo' nanny
Bound to cry.
The Cairo bulletin., 1905-12-18
signed

THE president Is said to favor fog
ging for wife heaters in the District
Of Columbia. II It could only be ex-
tended to recalcitrant senator's also,
The Cairo bulletin., 1905-12-18
Too Much Comp'ny.

Little Jack Horner sat In a corner
Eating a Christmas pie;
For Jack wasn't able to get to tbs
table
Along with the rest: that's why.
The Cairo bulletin., 1905-12-18

Haakon, which Prince Charles Of
Denmark assumed on ascending the
n, rweigan throne. recalls that states
past when an independent kingdom.
Hakoon VI, who died in 1880, WAS the
Last king whom Norway had of its
own. His widow, Margaret, a Danish
princess, came to rule Over Norway,
Denmark and Sweden, and strove 70
make the arrangement lasting by the
IN on OF 1897 Sweden revolted under
Gustavus Vasa, the contemporary Of
King Henry VIII. OF England, but Nor
way remained a Danish dependency
until 1914,
The Cairo bulletin., 1905-12-18

ay 1T looks an II Santa Claus intends
to drop arstick of dynamite down Mr..
Lawson's chimney.
The Cairo bulletin., 1905-12-18
CIRCULATION STATEMENT

Average daily and Sunday circula-
ton for the year 1904. 1916
Average daily and Sunday circula.
ton for the first ten months OF =
1906 ..... .2f46
Average daily and Sunday circula-
ton for November 1905. !. .2o74
The Cairo bulletin., 1905-12-18
POINTS ABOUT PEOPLE

Miis Mary Tillinghast of New York.
Is one Of the most succe sful design
.ers Of stained glass windows In
America. e
The duke Of Connaught WI sal
To- South Africa on December 2sd.
He will inspect the t-oops at The
principal barracks and visit The bal
uefelds Ct the Boer war.
Gov Polk = definition Of graft g.
TO be used in the Standard dictionary
He has received a letter from tn,
publishers asking permission 20 place
IS definition in the work. which g.
being revised
The Cairo bulletin., 1905-12-18

William Thompson. who died the
other day al Shelbyville. Ind. aged
u. was known a. the man who sold
biz gold at 1915 Surfing the civil war
This premium was within 10 cents q
the highess price ever paid for gold
The Cairo bulletin., 1905-12-18

Brig Gen Thomas n Barry. who
vas With the Russian army in MAJ.
The Cairo bulletin., 1905-12-18

chdr'a VIII w. iaa'r preiident o. NJ
nl ~as eollrne.
The Cairo bulletin., 1905-12-18
"A COMEDY Of
ACCIDENTS
BY FRANK II. SWEET

Copyright, 1905, by Ruby Douglas
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1905-05-22
= USEFUL DEVICE.

A device that is now being given a
/ thorough trial in Cleveland is likely to
prove of great benefit 10 all COM
muufties that have water systems. 1t
provides for the installation Of water
pipes without digging trenches. AS
Yet it has only been tried on the
/ smaller pipes used to make connections
between the mains and buildings, but
/ its success seems assured. The machine,
which is said to have been greatly i'm
proved by Mayor Tom Johnson of
Cleveland. Is merely a modified jack
that drives a pipe with a sharp plug
through the earth The only excava-
tons necessary are at the point Of
junction with the main and where the
pipe is connected with the house sys-
TEN. Trenches are done away with.
The machine is of especial value in
cases where water connections are
made subsequent to the laying of pave
meuts. The tearing up of the pavement.
with consequent damage to the street
and often To the city through accidents
caused by the open trenches. is avoided.
T. Is claimed that the machine usually
drives d pipe through twenty feet of
earth in half an hour. which would be
a great Improvement in time and cost
over the slow and expensive trench
system now in general use
The machine has been in use for
several weeks in Cleveland and is
highly endorsed by the mayor and tn
engineer of the waterworks depart
ment According to the Plain Dealer
not a single trench has been dug for
house connections since the machine
was first employed.
It is only a modification Of a process
that has been employed in digging oil
wells and artesian wells for many
years The only differences are that
the pip Is driven horizontally instead
oE vertically and by means Of Jack
instead Of by gravity. 1t should work
all right except. perhaps. through soil
that contains large rocks. where
trenches would probably be necessary.
because the machine does not operate
a drill.