Wausau pilot. [volume] (Wausau, Wis.) 1896-1940, 1905-09-05
Humorous

SlcE--NOW, JOnuhys NAob - SAiS
perfect tense of the verb Ito inyest?p
Johnny-To nyestigate.-New York
Sun.
Il say, Jean, won't you lend Paul
hyerE Does he need it badlyp i
should say so! He wants to pay back
what he owes mer-Les Annales.
First Old Lady-He was bad char
acter; but l believe he repented at last
Second Old Lady-Oh, no, he didn't;
saw that he died intestate.-London
Globe.
"Whata beautiful hat you're wearing
to-day" I'm so glad you like it. You
have such good taste" Eyes, had
one just like it-last year. -Meggen-
dorfer Batter.
Poor old Henpeck leads dogs life
with his wife" well, why on earth
doesn't he apply for divorce?" He
says he wanted to, but she wouldn't
let him. FIX
If man smiles and looks pleased
when you pay him compliment, pay
him another one. In time you may be
able TO borrow money from bim.-Som-
erville Journal
my DOCTOR" said Blllyuns, has or
dered me to take more exercise"
What are you going to do?" Have
the ticker moved across the room from
my desk."-Ex.
Young Mother-The doctor says you
shouldn't kiss the baby; it isn't sani-
tary. Old Neighbor-Poor little fell
low-why don't you wash him?-De-
troit Free Press.
Victim-What has happened? Where
am 1? Doctor-You have been serious
Il injured in trolley accident. But
cheer up-you will recover. Victim
How much ?-Ex.
Bank Cashier-You have Overdrawu
your account, madam. Lovely Lady
That is just like me! My husband says
i am always exaggerating everything.
-Somerville Journal.
Mamma-Of course you said, "Oh,
this is so SUDDEN when Tom finally
proposed. Daughter-No; l fully in
tended to, but was so excited | for
got, and exclaimed, AT last"'-Ex.
"Oh, Mr.. Brown, why did you leave
the Christian Science church," Real
", Miss Jones, if you will have the
truth, l got so awfully tired II being
so persistently cheerful all the time"
Life.
First Author-Have you sold many
copies of your book? Second Author
(absently)-W Wonderful. over a hun
dred thousand First Authoritarian
was it issued? Second Author-Next
Tuesday.-Life.
Mother-Bobby, begged papa for
an hour to-day to buy a pony. but he
won't do it. Bobby Indignantly
Why didn't you burst into tears?
Couldn't you do that much for me?-
New York Mail.
Il understand that your boy is get
ting an education" "Yassuh," answer
ed Uncle Raspberry, IAN mebbe he's
dom better'n dat l honestly b'leves
he's gittin' sense. along wifi it,
Washington Star.
did tn docther find out what it is
that's ailin' yeZ?" mo. He said th't
nawthin' but a postmortem examina-
ton wud liver reveal ut. An l haven't
enough curiosity about ut to have ut
done "-Cleveland Leader.
Dear pop" wrote the boy from the
art school, don't send me any more
money! have saved half that which
you sent me last month" Come
home" wired the old man, you'll
never make an artist."-Puck.
Chief-Do you mean to say that you
haven't been able TO get a single clew
as to the perpetrator of this crime?
Detective-Naw. Them newspaper re-
porters is down on me and they won't
| tell me nything.-Cleveland Leader.
Reporter-I understand that one of
your guests committed suicide last
night by hanging himself out of a
third-story window. Lodging
Keeper-Well, there was such a room
err in the air for a while.-Tewn Top
les.
Alice rushed in from the garden,
where she had been picking flowers
She was badly stung by bee, and
was holding on to her finger and sob
bling pitiful1y. "Oh, mamma" she
cried, II burned me on a bug"-
Brooklyn Life.
Young Lady Gepeating conversation
to deaf old gentleman)-Miss Frills
says it gave her such a fright. Deaf
Old Gent-Eh? l didn't quite
Young Lady-Such a fright. Deaf Old
Gent-Ah, yes-I agree with you-sO
she is.-Punch.
81 suppose, madam" said the archi-
tect, you will want an elecrolierl put
In the .drawing-room? Sure" an
swered Mrs Neurich; 81 don't know
how to play one, but I'll begin taking.
lessons at once, regardless of COST Z
Chicago Daily News.
by the way, what has become Of
Browns book, One Hundred Short
Cuts to Wealth. that he was working
so hard upon last year," "Oh, Brown
finished the book all right, but was
unable to raise money enough to have
it published. Judge.
"Perkins-you know Perkins-enter-
ed into an agreement with his wife
soon after their marriage. twenty
years ago, that whenever either lost
temper or stormed, the other was to
keep silence" And the scheme
worked?" Admirably. Perkins has
generally kept silence for twenty
years "-Tit-Bits.
Spain's Linguistic King.
King Alfonso has a fair claim to be
regarded as the best educated of our