The Caldwell tribune. [volume] (Caldwell, Idaho Territory [Idaho]) 1883-1928, 1905-05-06
HUMOROUS

Captain Showing her over the ship
This is the quarterback. Lady
Then I suppose that deck down there
Is the ffy-cent deck.--Ex.
Mistress--If you want eggs to keep,
you must lay them in cool place,
Bridget-ofll mintion 1t to the hens
at wanst, mum.--Illustrated Bits.
You ran over that chap. Are you
going % stopT' Yes. just as soon as
we reach repair shop. heard some
thing break when We hit him."-Life.
Mrs. Dobbs-How Is your new
neighborhood? Mrs. Dlbbs-on, just
like the other one; all the rich people
talk poor, and all the poor people talk
rich.-Puek.
Joel love you; love you. Won't
you be my wife? Jess-You must see
mamma first. Joel have seen her
several times. but love you just the
same.-Ex. .z~@ ~> .@
Rev. DR.. Thirdly-Don't you know.
little boy, that you shouldn't fish on
the Sabbath day7 Tommy Toddles--I
amt a-hshin', boss; I'm JUS teachin'
worms how ter swim.-Chicago Chron.
tcle.
Il see it stated here that the Sultan
wears an iron undershirt." Say, I
wish I had one like it to send to my
laundry. I'd like to get even with 'em
once in a while."-Cleveland Plain
Dealer. ..-
Hester-I hear that Bessie's engage
ment with Fred Simmons Is broken
Off. Too bad, isn't it? Grace-But
she's going to keep the diamond ring.
Hester-Oh, didn't hear Of that
Exchange.
Still Able to Attend to Business:
Il told Uncle Simon that he was get
ting too old and feeble to attend to
business" did he take it kindly 2"
HE threw me out of his Office
Vanity Fair.
An Inducement: Peddler-Want to
/ buy an umbrella cheap? Krankley-
No. What's the use2 Everybody
steals my umbrellas. Peddler-Well.
this one amt worth stealth .-Phlladel-
phia Ledger.
Il thought you were quite well &C.
quaInted with Brown" said Ascum.
No, indeed" replied Cholly; "I-aw
only associate with my equals,
and" Really, you should aim higher
than that."-Ex.
Dawkins-And was it very hot In In.
dia? Jawkins-Hot! Simply melting.
Why, one Of our fellows stayed out
too long in the sun one day, and had
to be ladled back to his bungalow
London Tit-Bits.
do you expect to send your son to
college" "Wel1, l haven't decided
yet. In view of the hazing and the
football, I'm half inclined to believe it
would be more merciful to finish him
up with chloroform. "-Chicago Record
Herald.
Stranger-So you went to school
with Rudolph Kipling, Ell? l suppose
you know he Is now a famous writer?
Uncle Fletch--Sho! Why, him nm me
used Their same copybook, an l know
my writin' d beat his'n all holler.-
Exchange.
What is q counter-irritant?" asked
Mrs. Smithers. "a counter-irritant"
replied Smithers, lis a woman who
makes the clerk pull down everything
on the shelves for two hours, and then
buys four cents worth Of hairpins. -
Cleveland Press.
"Ughw exclaimed the exchange tick
ct, withdrawing as far as possible into
the corner Of the pocket, you're from
a pawnshop." Suppose am" retort-
ed the pawn ticket, Il am the pawn
shop's one redeeming ure."-Phil-
adelphia Ledger.
Naggus-What are you goinng to do
with the hero and heroine Of that mag
azine story you're running now? Mar
nv them2 Borus-Certainly They'll
be married in the last chapter. Nagg-
us-Tm glad of it. 1t will serve them
right!-Chicago Tribune.
Distinguished Artist-Perhaps If you
came here you will get better light
on the picture. This studio Is not
nearly large enough. Fair Visitor
(desirous to understand)-Yes, yes;
know. One can't get far enough away
from your pictures!-Punch.
Employment Agent-What was the
matter with your last place? Domes-
tc-The missus was too particular.
Employment Agent-In what way?
Domestlc-She wouldn't let me lock
the baby in the foldin' bed wen l had
company.-New York Weekly.
In Good Trim.-Cityman-So you
are going to plant a garden again this
wear. Were your vegetables last year
SUGGEST Suburbanite - Great!
WHY, my neighbours hens took first
prizes at all the poultry shows, and
they ate practically nothing but my
egetables.-Judge.
~ must warn you, Bridget" said
Mrs, Nuritch, ito see that the peas
are thoroughly mashed" Mashed,
ia tt?" remarked the new cook in sur
,o 4GVAS. Mr. Nursitoh 10 ca hioh.