The Cairo bulletin., 1905-09-03

q Serapn. Dresses ilEe an angel, IN tlt
most perfectly fitting tweeds. In the
country, OF course Rides. shoots
Sings. Plays golf and the banjo But
| perhaps you were about 10 say that you
don't know poor DiciSy?"
Il was"
! You shah know him. though. It was
70 Introduce him-and some other dear
/ people-to you that | called"
you see. I" she said. showing her daz
zling teeth, we are all SO poor nova
days, aren't we? There's Jerry Hark-
ms and little Kitty Maekney. He,
losses at bridge"
! Billy stirred restIessly on the very
| uncomfortable chair to which he had
been so unceremoniously condemned
What thought was this she went
on. breezily. Il thought # such an
awful pity that poor Dieky OF Jerry
wasn't Harold Faysyde.7
May request YOU, madam"
TO come to business? OF course
Well, what I have in my mind is a
srheme-the most perfect scheme imag-
inable--for rendering people appropri.
ate, We might form a company, and
call It The lmpersonators. Limited,
Il think hardly follow you"
1T is quite simple. really. Ny idea
is 70 make poets look like poets. To
give an artistic tout ensemble to art
lists. Lecturers should look profound
all forehead and eyebrows and jaw
and not as ii they were only interested
in some small suburban chambers
shop. Positively, you know. thess
clever people injure their own reputat
tions by mingling with their fellow
creatures. You literary agents ought
not TO allow your authors to appear In
public; they damage their own sales
am sure they do. And paiRters arc
always so in need of decoration them
selves that you cannot possibly believe
IN their genius. And as for your reputed
! wits, | have listened to more epigrams
alta mothers meeting in one short half
| hour than ever heard at fashionable
| gathering of celebrities"
You must have had some most UNI
Iortunate experiences.
Not unusually unfortunate. | fancy
Other people quite agree with me- !
was talking to .. But as you SO
courteously do not SAVIOUR time Il
valuable, and am by way Of becoming
! nuisance. Will hurry on. then. to
| any remedy. Why, Mr.. Boswell should
all these famous people ever appear In
public at all2n
'why?"
Yes. Would 1t not be better for an
concerned if they were to employ other
people TO impersonate thetn2 There are
plenty of nice young men who would
/ look far more like the authors of great
works than the real authors do. And
many Of them would be only too glad
70 earn few guineas by wearing tho
nantes of the great at receptions and
balls and dinner parties and afternoon
teas. They would, l am sure, stimulate
sales enormously, instead Of retardins
them
You forget madam, that the person
4lities of most Of our famous people are
already well known to the public. On
moment. How would 1t be possible t.
Introduce an altogether unknown per
son as the author Of shall we say Mr.
Farsyde's book. either to a hostess or
the casual reader? Mr.. Fa7syde's por-
trait has appeared In"
and you said you were a cynict" she
sighed.
Pardon me, said Billy, it was you
who said that
Anyhow" she reioined. you ought
70 know that the memory Of the common
herd Is the most short-Iived thing iii
the world And then there are always
new men and women coming along.
They, at least
i have not quite done !. How, for
Instance, could hint to my best author
that he--is not altogether handsome
How could point ont to one of nv
artists or poets that he was essentially
not picturesque that his wild hair re-
sembled rather the stufflng out Of 4
cheap sofa cushion than ambrosial
locks? 1t could not be done, my dear
| madam. The thing Is not feasible.
And my brilliant witsl What, IN ihe
name of all that Is improbable. would
they do TO me If told them, no matter
how delicately, that their funniments
were not funny? And then, my lectur-
erers. Imagine their wrath at being
| compared to small suburban Shipment
~ 5didnt think" the lady faltered
.ADd that is not the worst of II
either," proceeded Billy. .ruthlessly
How am | to advise them to change
i their tailor or their dressmaker. theil
halter or milliner without laying my.
self open to the suspicionof taxing com.
missions from tradesmen? And then
\ you know. these absurd people are PROUD
4 Of their houses and their back gardens
They plume themselves on their knowl.
edge of horses and dogs And, above
all, how Is II conceivable that | shoulf
criticise their wives adversely, and, /,
| the last dread resort their children
without provoking them to reprisai
| that might even be Of O sanguinary sort
| No, madam. Your idea has points. adj