The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-12-29
HUMOR or THE DHY

HUMOR OF THE 0zY
Hicks-There isn't a man in town who
can keep the conversational ball rolling
Wicks-Nonsensel He never says any
thing worth listening to.
Hicks-No, but he does LOT OF things
worth talking Observation-Disclosures Led
ger.
Mrs Upstart is insufferabIy snohbish,
and she used to be so nice"
''Well, you see, she jumped from power
ty to riches and 1t sprained her mlnd.''-
Detroit Free Press.
'.Pa, said little Willie Underthunl, what
does a mans better half mean?''
Usually, my son." replied Mr.. Under
thum. she means just what she says
Philadelphia Press.
Magistrate Prisoner. have you any Wis
ible means of support
Prisouer=YiS. sir yer honour. ITO his
wife) Stand up, Bridget, and let the gin
tIeman see you.-The Taller.
Hes employed by the railroad COM
pany now, I understand
Yes. he has charge of the puzzle de-
'.The what?"
ne makes out the time tables. "-PhiIa-
delphia Ledger
of course, you are going to entertain
this season
are going to have a lot of things. But
I'm blest if I can call it entertainment -
Washington Star.
You are wrong, Edith. They do not
build dry docks to put horses in when
docking their tails. '-Cincinnad En-
quirer.
You're not looking well tonight, Nj.
R0WnHaF
told me you were feeling so rugged"
You are mistaken, Mrs. Brakes, rocky
was the word used-" Leader.
Adam zawfox-You used to drink in
moderation, but I've always told you it
Job Sturky-Yes. I've quit drinking in
observation-disclosures Tribune.
What is your idea of a reformer2"
A reformer,' answered the wicked poll
itieian, lis merely a man who insists on
overlooking financial opportunities. -
Washington Star.
Emerson" said the Boston mother.
sternly, you've been in the pantry. Z
found your school books there
Mater" replied the wise boy, I'm sur
prised at your lack of acumen. You have
frequently observed that I got as far
away from my books as possible during
recreation hours. Ergo, if my books were
where. philadelphia Press.
Mamma, what is the use of condensed
oh, it's for people who live in fats
and have small kitchens. -F'liegende
Blattef.
Guest (angrily)-Here. waiter. I've been
kept waiting here a whole hoi1rl
Waiter (pleasantly)-Dea me sir how
time does hy!-Les Annales.
she-Papa doesn't want US to be mar
ried Tor ten years yet. But don't look so
worried, George, you will still be young
He-Yes, darling; but I wasn't thinking
of myself.-Le Bire.
Bachelor-TaIk is cheap.
Benedict-For goodness sake. don't ad-
vertise it as a bargain while my wife is
around--Brooklyn Life.
Has she improved in her music since
"Oh. yes. She never plays anything
now that sounds in the least like tune
Cleveland Leader.
q should like to 90 to your party. hove
all things" said Mrs. Lapsling was say
ing. but the doctor says I must remain
exclusive for week or more I am trou-
bled with slight prevarication of the
left lung. Chicago Tribune.
Miss Ascum-What does ssFIic jacet''
mean on these old tombstones?
Mr.. f-Why-er-that's an abbre-
say. hickory coffin" That's the kind
they used in old times, see?-Philadelphia
Press.
DE belief in Sanity Claus" said Uncle
Eben, lis whut keeps some chiIlun FUN
havin' a mighty po' opinion of DER par
ents generosity. w ashington Star.
Getting money out Of you" said Mrs
Pneer, lis like pulling teethr'
No. it isn't, Nancy" protested Mr.
Pneer, RELUCTANTLY opening ms pocket
book. Pulling teeth nowadays is IA n
less This hurts. Chicago Tribune
A Kensington undertaken displays this
sign: when all doctors fail, come to
me. Philadelphia Record.
From a recent examination paper on re-
ligious instructions at a boys school:
Holy matrimony is divine Institution
Tor the provocation of mankind. Punch.
I believe that in an election the best
man should win" said Senator Sorghum.
ment.
Yes, sir. And I have my own ideas
about who the best man is, and I'm sroige-
TO see that he does win, no matter how
many votes are cast against him
Washington Star.