Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1905-02-04
Winter Weather.

longs for the comfort of the farm
er as the latter sits before a great
box stove with a roaring fire in it,
while the farmer, as he makes 415
trips to he wood pile every day
wraps his yarn scarf tightly about
his neck and yearns for the comfort
of the city home, with its steam
heat in every room. But in this
matter there is more or less imagin-
alton brought into use both by the
city man and the farmer in reckon
ing the comforts Of the other, as is
shown by couple of letters that
are in our possession, one of which
was written by a fiat dweller to his
country parents, and the other
being the reply received by him.
The city man took his pen in hand
and said:
Dear Father: We are living
in a small but cozy fiat now that
is fitted up with a hot and cold
janitor and all other modern ap-
planes. When there is no one in
the building he heats things up
till the portraits on the walls per-
spire freely, but as soon as he learns
that anyone is in he runs the
climate down to about two in the
shade. He has a lair four miles
below sea level, where he has
learned to feed the furnace out of
his hand and curry down tenants
that attempt to get quarrel-some.
In reaching his nest you go down
the elevator as far as they are will
ing to carry you, walk to the end
OF the hall and then fall down the
third stairway to the right. Our
Janitor has Venetian blue eyes and
a nose worn high at the end. He
may also be identified by habitual
growth of whiskers that look like
they had been left over from two
weeks ago last Saturday night. All
day long he sits in his murky den
by the light of an unsuccessful gas
jet and reads whooping cough lit
erature and other astounding facts
out of dilatory story paper that is
devoted largely to the subject of
how this or that person was yanked
from the grave at SO cents per
bottle. I had been told that the
best way to approach our janitor
on the subject of heat was from the
rear with club in my hand.
:" And do you not think you
could pinch off four or five degrees
of torridity and send it up to our
rooms with your card on itN I
asked him the other day, while
suffering with a severe cold in the
steam radiator. q
But he still held to the story pa
per with both hands. For prickly
heat, hives, etc. overheard him
read, pour out about 21 cents
worth Of our great relief and serve
with a SPONGE then gave myself
an introduction to him by means of
the club, after which I fastened
back to my room on an ambulance
cot.
..- II have never been able to find
the landlord except once every 80
days when I go around and tag Kim
with my rent money, and then he
disappears before I can get to him
with my story of fat life among
the arctics. Good-by. s
Your LOVING Son.
To which his parent made reply:
Dear Son: Yours of the 18th,
written in such a hoarse tone of
voice, came to-day, and we were
sorry to learn that you are laid up
with cold on the chest and de-
fective landlord. We had quite
large blizzard here yesterday. 1t
was, in fact, one Of the most sue
cessful ones that have ever par
taken OF. 1t arrived in my midst
while was out bedding down the
colts and doing other matinee
chores. 1t was binding snow, as
the bard says, and I was nearly
shipwrecked while trying to get in
from the barn. The wind grabbed
me by the breath and started off
with it, and even now, as I write
these lines at you, blush to think
of the way | swore internally. /
am ashamed that an old man like
me, who has led an exemplary life
and raised a large family of chill
dren according to the best teachings
of the almanac, should have made