The citizen. [volume] (Berea, Ky.) 1899-1958, 1905-07-20

| right but when | tried 10 deScc>S1. -
backset spring would not work.
Imagine my feelings il you have
ever been on a high. The spring posi-
lively refused to work If | held on
I'd go up perhaps to worlds unknown
II | let go. I'd be dashed to pieces OF
the rocks in Benderson's addition.
up. up I went | began to expert
euce terrible pains in my Uranium; my
eyes bulged: my brain rattled like !
lawn mower; bright flashes of lignt
| darted across my vision. and 70 MILL
meters OF my crimson tongue huns
out A band OF steel seemed comp, Is.
sing my intellectual lobe; my frontal
region was all pain and confusion
which gradually melted into dreamy
Indifference and Inconsistencies.
when ! awoke | was in a strange
country, an unknown planet. perhaps
the kingdom of the Fool-Killer. at any
rate Since then. have been confined
in a cage. the only sleeping accommo-
dations of which consist OF large nail
upon which am expected to hang my
self each night.
Perhaps | could sleep even there
were IL not for the proximity and aw-
full groans of the man who. upon earth
used to occupy two seats In the crowd
ed cars. keeping tired travellers out by
sheer force Of his dignity. His dignity
avails him but little now. for here they
stand him on his head as soon as the
sun goes down. and there he stays til
morning.
at is pretty hard to sleep in the day
time. on account of the punishment
that Is inflicted upon the Beautiful
Snow poets. Every morning they a'c
chained in a row, and a reader. With
an accentless but stentorian voice,
reads over and over to them their
Beautiful Shows. BY way OF variety.
he reads backward half of the time.
This goes on until sunset. The Spring
and June and 'Silvery Moon posts
get only half as much. and, in the df-
ternoons. are allowed to rest and re-
coup for the next days reading.
The midnight serenader is hung up
in a cage close to the top of the high
est turret. and made to sing, over and
over again. the songs he used to sing
to his lady fair. and everybody " 10
has nothing else to do throws old boots
and clubs at him.
The man who said: 4 told you SOL
has been hung. Always in life a kick
err. he is still kicking as he swings.
Weather prophets are tied in pairs
and flung over a great clothesline TO
fight.
"A band composed OF bazoos md
bass drums. with a few tom-toms aud
jim-jam has been organized, and puts
in tea hours per day in serenading The
people who used to play the fife. fiddle
and piano Hand-organ men are slais
at sight.
People who only planted when the
moon was right are kept on diet OF
skinned water
THE airship and perpetual motion
cranks occupy cages next to mine. The
washing machine inventor has the en-
tire laundry work OF the kingdom
to do.
Every day a committee takes Ort
the man Nuos ou tdtNus HdH "a SUI "
walking collection Of ills. for which
ne was always doping or dosing him
self. and they proceed TO I'll him to
the muzzle with the latest fads in pills
and nostrums.
And so might go on all day tel
ing of the retribution that regularly
befalls the unfortunates here. But
time passes. and the executioner is La
BILE TO be at hand at any moment. The
only thing that in measure, recon-
Giles me, Is the fact that every one Of
these people deserves all they can set,
and more. too. I've lived among them.
and ought to know.
Every now and then the Fool
Killer holds a slaughter or immolstion
day. during which he kills on a number