davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-04-27
Johnny on Twins.

When asked to write a short COM
position on some interesting expert
ence. Johnny, after much labor hand
ed his teacher the following:
Twins is a baby, only it's double.
It usually arrives about 4:37 in the
morning when a fellow is getting in
his best ticks sleepin'. Twins is ac-
companied by excitement and a doc
tor. When twins do ennything wrong.
their mother can't tell which one to
lick, so she give it to both Of EN- so
as to make sure We've got twins to
our house, and I'd swap 'em emmy day
fer a billy goat or mos ennything. -
Success Magazine.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-04-27
GLOBE SIGHTS


From the AtchlSOn GLOBE
We never care much for the men
who push a wheelbarrow around the
world.
An Atchison man has succeeded in
quitting smoking. He said today: 81
wouldn't take a cigar with Roosevelt -
When a man marries a second time,
somehow the people are reminded of
a boy who has to learn his lesson over
again.
Occasionally there is a good brother
who gives his sisters money, but he
soon marries, and his wife no longer
let's him.
When a subscriber pays ten cents a
week for a newspaper, it does not fol-
low that the subscriber will vote as
the editor says.
The great men now are those who
can say the meanest things about John
d Rockefeller and the best things
about mothers.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-04-27
RESTRICTIONS or A BACHELOR

LFrom the New York Press.
A girl gets over blushing about the
time she ought to begin.
It's very careless to kiss your wife
as if you thought she wasn't.
A woman can't help thinking the
state has moor business sense not to
nave bargain days in taxes.
No matter how late in the morning
man comes home his wife thinks
he ought to look in the closet to see if
a burglar is there.
The interest on the money a man
spends for flowers and candy when he
IS engaged to a girl would keen her
supplied all the years of her married
me when he doesn't do it any more.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-04-27
ALWAYS LAWLEss.

The saloon keepers are fighting the
Sunday closing law in Missouri Just
as hard as they are fighting prohihi-
ton in Kansas. That is one of the
reasons why it is mighty hard to work
up much enthusiasm in Kansas for re-
submission on the theory that if we
only had local option there would be
no trouble about enforcing the law.
No kind of a law which restraints in
any time and under any circumstances,
looks good to a man in the whisky
business.-IolaI Hegister
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-04-27
PoINTED PARAGRAPHs.
TFrom the chicago News. I

LFrom the Chicago News.1
Rich relations usually make poor
friends.
Some men die hard and some 9th
ers are dead easy.
A polished gentleman isn't neces-
sarily a smooth article.
The only secret ever kept by a wo-
man is-well, it's still a secret.
It is the little cur that is always
trying to get even with the big dog
Patches that decorate the trousers
of a calamity bowler are not on the
knees.
A cynic is a man who claims to be
tired of the world. But in reality the
world is tired of him.
An average girl thinks all the
young men of her acquaintance won
der if she would refuse them If they
proposed.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-04-27
QUAKER REFLECTIONS.

IFrom the Philadelphia Record.I
Two of a woman's worst faults are
tight shoes.
Censure is a more effective spur to
greater effort than praise.
A fellow doesn't mind being
brought to book if it's a check book.
Poverty is no disgrace, even when
a fellows face is his fortune.
Some people waste a lot of time
wondering how they should treat their
interiors.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-04-27
RRAnY,s VIEWS

This is a time for new men. The
old fellows have had their chance.
They have done well enough, but right
or wrong they must step aside and let
other men have a chance. The man
VINO has not made good must go with
out much of a fight. The man who
has done as well as he could will have
q hight but will lose. These things
happen in politics.-Lawrene World.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-04-27
ORIGNAIITY

The New York Tribune tells this little
story of two Kansas girls: Two little
Scott City girls became involved in a
quarrel the other day which eliminated
in physical violence. One of the mothers
took her little daughter to task very
severely. Wishing to emphasize the
enormity of her offense the mother said:
IT'S the devil who tells you to do such
naughty things The little girl replied
between s0bs: He may have told me
to pull her hair, but I thought of kick
ing her shins all by myself. "-Welling-
ton News
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-04-27
TT REsIGNATIoN.

The digging up of John Paul Jones'
pouy AFTER hundred years should
give encouragement that Kelly's resig-
nauon which was placed in escrow
several months ago, will some day be
discovered by the reform governor
Colby Free Press.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-04-27

Naval experts expect that the com
ing battle between Togo and Roiest-
sensAy VIII be the first real test of the
merits OF modern warships. The bat
yes mat occurred during the Spanish
4aillei lc1n war were so one-sided that
they uld not afford any test whatever
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-04-27

In the concluding paragraph of an
article by Governor Hoch on should
a Business Man Retire?" in Kansas
magazine, the governor says, Never
construed as a retort to Bent Muir
docks declaration that Hoch will be
a one-term governor -Leavenworth
Times.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-04-27
A ROuOuET.

The newspaper women of Kansas
are going to hold a convention this
week. They are getting more numer-
Gus and more indispensable every
year in Kansas. and without getting the
credit, do much of the work that
makes the newspapers of the state so
interesting. journal.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-04-27

since his workmen have discovered
mat James Farley, the boss strike
breaker gets five dollars a day for ev-
cry man he furnishes to corporations 10
break strikes, while he pays them onlv
sou Per day as a rule. Mr.. Farley is
Ilaole to have a strike of his own to
hraaIg WI "
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-04-27
GETTING CARELEss.

Mr.. Bryan says Mayor Dunno seized
a golden opportunity. The hero Of two
presidential battles is not as particular
about his adiectives as ne used to be-
ST. Louis Globe Democrat.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-04-27
HIS LABOR LOST

The chaplain of the PENNSYLVANIA
legislature resigned before the close of
the session. It isn't every official who
is conscientious enough to give up his
position when he sees that his labor
is enective.-Wichita Beacon.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-04-27
A HARD PROPOsTTION.

me reporters on the Russian news
papers have struck for higher wages;
the JOB they have had lately is really
worth more money. Every man in this
newspaper during the last campaign
realizes Just why the Russian report
ers ought to be better paid.-Ottawa
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-04-27
UNQUEsTIONABLE IGNORANCE.
TWO FAREwELLs.
HOW ABOUT UNCLE TOMB

a pack Of blOOdhOunds has been en-
gagged by the government for the Phil
ippines, but it is not announced who is
going to play Little Eva.-Chicago
Journal.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-04-27

That American manufacturer who
sent a carload of stoves to Brazil fs a
disgrace to his race. In fact. he is on
par with the Englishman Who
shipped a consignment of electric fans
to Newfoundland.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-04-27

Scientists say that Mars would make
most excellent winter resort. Now a
roar may be expected from California
most any DAY
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-04-27
FROM THE LETTER WRITER"

In writing to President Roosevelt
remember his correct address is the
White House" not the Executive
Mansion" But a letter simply ad-
dressed to him at Washington will
probably reach its destination.-Hu
insOn News.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-04-27

1t seems that the suspension of three
students for exhibiting a little class
spirit at the State Agricultural coIlage
has not entirely removed that obnoxious
element from Manhattan after all. one
Day recently while the regents were at
tending chapel exercises the students
gave their various class wells. which is
violent infraction of President
Nichols college discipline. During the
exercises, too, some one turned loose a
dove decorated with the coIors of the
freshman class. Tt is against the rules
for a suspended student to appear on
the college grounds during his suspen-
sion, but one Of those suspended some
time ago attended the chapel exercises
and was greeted by his fellow students
with prolonged applause. The original
SUSPENSIONS were the result OF simply
unfurling class coIors above the heads
oG the faculty during chapel exercises.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-04-27
WHAT KANSAS PAPERS SAY.
ANOTHER BENEFACTOR

ANOTHER BENEFACTOR.
John W. Gates name should go on
Inc 1 roll with John Brown, Charles
NoDlnson, Joseph Letter and others
VINO VINO nave done much for Kansas
Hutchinson News.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-04-27

Mr.. Roosevelt may have to swear in
his vote next year. All the town Off
GERS in Oyster Bay were captured bv
the Democrats this spring.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-04-27

The St Joseph Gazette is somewhat
surprised to learn that there is room
in Panama for the right of way of a.
railroad in addition to the canal.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-04-27
WE HAVE THE GOODS.

should become embroiled in this oriental
war, let them remember that, as far as
we are concerned we still stand ready
to sell them the goods.-Los Angeles
Times.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-04-27

Several enterprising eastern newspa-
pers have already killed off the west
ern corn crop. although very little Of it
has yet been planted.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-04-27

1t is fortunate that most of those
Colorado bears are of the cinnamon
species, since that viii add spice to
the presidents outing.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-04-27

Chicago street railway magnates are
perfectly willing to sell out to the city
provided they can name the price.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-04-27

A Southern editor bewails new
disease in that locality which he calls
Rooseveltitis. It seems to be extreme
~ prevalent in Texas.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-04-27

Prof Goode, of Chicago. says that
ehe Rocky Mountains are useless.
colorado may be expected to dissent
IN a loud tone of voice. notwithstand-
ing this is a Goode opinion.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-04-27

Texas proposes to lead all other
states in railroad building this year.
out 1t must be remembered that Texas
has more room in which to build en-
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-04-27

Jesse James jr-, is studying law.
prooaoly with a view to becoming a
trust attorney and continuing his dis
tlnguished ancestors vocation within
legal limitations.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-04-27
WASN'T LOOKING FOR SALT.

Hutchinson claims this distinction:
That Commissioner Garfield has not
visited here.-Hutchinson Bee.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-04-27

Chlcago voted for municipal owner
snip OF It's street railways immediate
~ Ihat IS what Topeka once did re-
saIolhs IT'S Waterworks, and it got them
N SIX years. Can Chico do as -1-all ?
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-04-27

The man who worries about a split
infnitive usually loses out to some fell
low who keeps busy splitting the wood.
Washington Post.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-04-27

Now It would be interesting to know
Just how many clubs Mrs. Cleveland
belongs to.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-04-27

St. Louis is playing a new kind of
bridge. It is most popular on sun
days.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-04-27

Brain workers who wish to look I'm
The proper shades of meaning of words
and who have little time in which n
DO 1t, will welcome Mr.. Thomas Fror,et
Dewey's ready reference grammar. if If
enables them to expedite matters t.
is SO difficult to find anything in the
average reference book that most .nao-
PIE lose the trail and forget what thew
are looking for before they find it.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-04-27

Tom Lawson is now appealing to the
newspapers for some free advertising.
What does he suppose the newspaners
ana H. Il. Rogers have been giving him.
anVWav2
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-04-27

Mr. Rockefeller is just as nice a. man
as am declared H. H. Rogers in a
recent speech Hasn't John D. been
abused enough without saying things
like that about him?
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-04-27
wHAr oTHER PAPERs sAY.
THE CHICAGO IDEA.

AS the president is to remain in Chi
cago but twelve hours, arrangements
should be made at once for a program
that viii furnish him as much rest as
possible. In the twelve hours we should
arrange for at least twelve banquets,
at each of which the president could
make a speech, being taken from one to
the other in an auto running over the
speed ordinance and anything else in
its way. Between times we might slip
in a trip to the stOckyards and visits to
the University of Chicago, the parks
and the juvenile court. This might be
followed by street car ride on the
leading trunk lines of the surface roads,
at which the president could make
rear platform speech from the car at
each street corner. These things, with
a few breakfasts, a duck shooting trip
in the Calumet region and a ride
through the new tunnel should make
the president leave Chicago feeling very
much rested and amply repaid for his
brief visit.-Chicago News.
IN HIS FAVOR
AS yet they have been unable to prove
that he ever parted his hair in the mid
die and signed himself J. Davidson
Rockefeller Washington Post.
UNQUESTIONABLE IGNORANCE.
It will probably shock Chicago some
to learn that this Mr.. Dalrymple who
is coming over from Glasgow never
heard of the Dalrymple who used to
play on the Chicago team with Pop"
Anson.-New York American.
TWO FAREW ELLIS.
They quarreled Sunday evening,
All tender ties to sever.
In hot and hurried accents
They said, 'tGood-by. foreveri'
CTime required, two minutes.)
They met on Monday evening.
Patched up their tragic sorrow;
And said in whispered phrases
"Good-by, until tomorrow"
CTime required, four hours-)
New York Sun.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-04-27

The Refugee-Jean Vatican was living
in the sewer. Mrs. Y. is cleaning house, -
he tersely explained. Herewith the other
husbands wondered why they hadn't
thought Of the scheme before.-New York
Sun.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-04-27

Between.-Fir Little Girl-What! Don't
you speak to your father any more?
Second Little CStrl-No. He's between
times. He's too old to be any use and not
quite old enough to be chlorOformed.-
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-04-27

Gives Them No Chance.-"Uncle Russell
Sage certainly is a. clever old gentleman.
In what Way7'
He doesn't give any assemblage or
financial clergymen the chance to ques-
ton the cleanliness Of his money. ''-Cleve-
land Plain Dealer.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-04-27

An actor thus makes love to pretty
girl in private life: Dearest, love you
devotedly. I impIore you to listen to me.
I-I-I-goodness gracious, where's the
prompteri ''-Exchan
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-04-27

WiIkins-You told me you never bought
a silk umbrella in your life, and there are
no less than three silk ones in your room,
for I saw them myself
BoWser-I did not say that the other
folks never buy silk umbrellas.-Boston
Transcript
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-04-27

At its next meeting the Skunk Hollow
Debating club will discuss the question
should Rockefeller Stealings be used for
church purposes? The country will be
glad to learn that the vexed question is
so soon to be settled.-Denver Post.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-04-27

Nothing gives a woman's religion such
a jolt as the suggestion that she got the
husband heaven really intended for her.
New York Press.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-04-27

He raised his rod and whipped the stream,
And then when he was through,
He might remark, with perfect truth,
This hurts me worse than you"
New York Sun.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-04-27

Inspector-Why was Elisha sorry when
the Summarizes son was dead?
Ingenious lad who had just been devour-
ing Mr.. Pickwick-Becaus he didn't like
being left alone with widow.
Inspector smiled. )-Schoolroom Humor.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-04-27

Church Worker-WOuld you assist us,
good sir, TO send a missionary to the can
nibals?
Mr. Gotrox-Not much-I'm vegetarian
but III assist you to send them some
easily digested cereal.-Puck.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-04-27

Harker-What in the world makes
Sportleigh look so worried of late2
Barker-He has either been gambling Oh
got married. really don't know which,
Chicago News.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-04-27

Marmaduke-Before we were married
she used to say goodbye" so sweetly
when I went down the steps.
Montmorency-And what does she say
now?
Marmaduke-Oh. just the same thing.
buy, buy"
Montmorency-Ah. sect She exercises
a different spell over you.-Washington
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-04-27

A Rare Occurrence.-FIe - got up
against a trolley accident coming home
this evenin%.
She-You don't sayl
He-Yes, got a seat.-PhiladeIphia Led
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-04-27

Carl Cederman has made complaint to
the police that he was inveigled into a
poker game by a couple of bunko men
and, after playing with them all night,
lost $40. 1t Is. of course. unlawful to
play poker in Portland, but sinful students
of the great American game will be prone
to indulge in speculation as to how long
so ought to last in a poker game. If two
bunzo men required all night in which to
separate one novice from SO what show
would the average poker player stand in
a single handed game with Mr.. CEDAR
man Portland Oregonian.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-04-27
HUaToR OF TIE DAY.

Sandy-A1ac must a been careful man.
for when he died he left half the toon.
Paf-Oh, that's n0thin'. When Casey
died he left the earth.-Illustrated Bits.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-04-27

Misery's love for company is seldom ar
dent unless the company is willing to as
sumo a listening attitude.-Puck.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-04-27

Bobby, here's your penny and you must
go straight to bed"
Pal want more pay and longer hours. ="
New Yorker.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-04-27

Cant go out in the back yard and
play in the garden, mamma?'
Certainly not, child You must stay in
and study your nature books Life.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-04-27

But It Didn't-"Why did you snatch the
lady's purse?" asked the judge.
Because, your honor, 1 thought the
change might do me good answered the
prisoner.-Chicag Daily News.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-04-27

There's no doubt about the old saying
about driving a horse to water"
Yes, and although a man may drive
pen, pencil must be lead. "-Philadelphia
Ledger.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-04-27

Don't you know his moneys tainted?"
1T 81"
ods.''
I won't keep it,
That's right. You'll give it backt'
No. III spend it.'-Cleveland Plain
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-04-27

w X Vanderbilt, jr, has organized a
company in New York It
ought to popularize housecleaning when
you can wave your hand airily in the d.
rectiou of spick-and-span parlor and say:
Il had Mr.. Vanderbilt IN this year and 7
think he has done his work well. Mime
apolis Journal.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-04-27
IN HIS FAVOR.

AS yet they have been unable to prov
that he ever parted his hair in the mid
die and signed himself J. Davidson
Rockefeller Washington Post.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-04-27

Disguised Cncle-T shall leave my money
to the poor and needy.
Nogood NepheW-Heaven bless yous I'M
Gle; always said you wouldn't leave me
Out.-Tit- Bits.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-04-27

She tat Lincoln parH)-Aren't those dear
little monkeys cute?
He-No They remind me too much Of
some people I know
She-Oh, you shouldn't be SO awfully
sensitiVe.-Detroit Tribune.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-04-27

What was really meant by truth S
stranger than fiction is that truth is
more of a stranger than hction.-Council
Bluffs Nonpareil.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-04-27

John D. Rockefeller's middle name is
Davidson" If he had parted his name in
the middle we would have found that out
long o-Birmingham Age-Herald.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-04-27

According to q Trenton. n. J.. clergy.
man that state is soaked in alcohol. There
will be less public interest. we appre-
bend, in the fact ITSELF IL it be a fact
than in the question whether New Jersey
is worth preserving that Way.-Keokuk
Gate City.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-04-27

we do not see how Mayor Dunno OF
Chicago is going to run the whole street
car system, when he can not run a one
horse wagon up to Montgomery Ward &
Co.'S door.-Afinneapoli Journal.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-04-27

The Colorado bears seem to be resigned
to another San Juan Hill.-F1orida Sun.
The Goldfield news. [volume] (Goldfield, Nev.) 1904-1911, 1905-12-01
JOHN McKANE A G

John McKane, who went East with
Chas. M. Schwab two months ago, re-
turned Thursday evening and will re
main some time in the district looking
after the important interests of the
Schwab-McKane syndicate. During
his absence Mr.. McKane spent several
weeks at his old home in New Bruins
wick, enjoying the shooting" in that
sportsman paradise, and then visited
New York city, where he witnessed the
political outrage committed by Tam
many on our esteemed contemporary,
William Randolph Hearst. Mr.. Me-
Kane was accompanied on his return
by Hubert Sinclair, his brother-in-
law, and T. E. Adams, a capitalist of
New York, who will take a look at our
great mines. -Tonopah Miner.