Wausau pilot. [volume] (Wausau, Wis.) 1896-1940, 1905-01-17
A FAMILY TANGiE.

S~O~-e~-N~-~-~~-~ON
81 f was an old maid, Matilda Bas-
sett, and spent two hours every
morning trying to plump out my
cheeks with all kinds of creams and
lotions FROM the drug store, I'd stop
preaching to other folks" exclaimed
her brother Hiram, testify.
Yes, but a hair dye"
81 tell you it amt hair dyer
broke in Hiram. It's a hair restorer.
Can't you read what it says on the
bottle? DR.. Flip Flops Celebrated
Hair Restorer. warranted to make hair
grow on the baldest head in thirty
days, or money refunded. Price ST."
i've heard that hair dyes have been
known to drive people crazy, on ac-
count of the sugar of lead that is in
pem," said Matilda do you suppose
there is any in this?'
II don't know, or care" snarled
Hiram.
But sugar of lead is a deadly poi
SON."
rs it?" and pouring little Of the
contents of the bottle into an indi-
yidual butter plate, he took a bit of
sponge and began hopping his shiny,
bald pate with the preparation. We'll,
a man hasn't got to die but once"
"Why, Hiram Bassett! Such vanity
and recklessness in man OF your age
is not only foolish, but sinful"
full
rugged set of artificial teeth last sum-
merY' retorted Hiram, shaking the
bottle of restorer violently.
"That's different. Everybody knows
that teeth are a necessity"
"And amt hair necessity, I'd like
to ask?" he queried, Indignantly.
"Oh, my poor brotber" and Matilda
drew down the corners of her mouth
piously, what sad change has come
over YOU within the last year, ever
since that frivolous Widow Cole, with
her card playing and dancing and gay
carving on, moved into the neighbor-
hood. IL it was not for her brother,
dear Mr.. Scion Humps sake, l would
not associate with her for a minute. +"
"Wouldn't, hey? rejoined Hiram.
..Uen, if l didn't think it might hurt
I,ottie. Mrs. Coles feelings, old Humps
shouldn't cross my doorstep
ION. you wicked man to speak so
disrespectfully OF dear Brother
Humps" and Matilda applied the cor
per of her apron to her eyes. Think
how he labors and exhorts for the
cause of temperance and the poor
heather in foreign lands and"
..slxins people out of a weeks board
here, there and everywhere he car
manage to strike suckers" interposed
Hiram. lie don't fool me, but Lottie
is daisy.
You mean. Hiram" said Matilds
severely, that Lottie, as you call her
is foolish. giddy creature, but for al
that she has fairly added your brain
To think of man of your age dyeins
his hair and usiag perfumery anC
wearing red neckties and gallivantins
night and
And Just consider 4 woman of YOU
years, Matilda, studying the beaut,
columns in the Sunday papers and ex
perimentng with all kinds of recipes
for making the complexion bloom ant
eyebrows grow. All. It is somethin:
too terrible to think Of" and Hiram
groaned dismally.
"Oniy a year ago, before this flight,
I.ottie made her appearance amona
u.s." sighed Matilda. ignoring he
brothers last remark. you was al
ways in your bed before 9 o'clock, AM
attended the chure soclaoles an,
meetings regular. Now your mind an
time is all taken up with frivolity"
AZ know 1t, Matilda assente
Hiram. ..and only a year ago, If l re
member Alright. before old Solo
Humps showed up in the neighbol
hood. YOU was going round as thin a
a rail, with a little pug of hair abou
A. big as a nutmeg in the back 0
your meek, and complaining of havin
rheumatism and dyspepsia and enoug
other complaints to make nice varie
". Ncw-Jerusalem. you're traipsiT
round with that OF codger. rain Q