The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-08-07
HUM0R OF TIE Day

''If you go any deeper" said the patient
bald-headed man to the mosquito, III
IF you do said the torrnentor warm
ingly, your blood will be on your head.
Smart Set.
Customer want book that win do
for hot weather reading.
ghost Story that is warranted to make
your blood run cold.-Chicago News.
A cheap summer excursion-a trip on the
light fantastic toe.-Boston Transcript.
The beauty's face is her fortune. The
case, however, it is usually called Cheek.
Boston Transcript
Bacon-when he was out campaigning,
did your brother kill much?
Egbert-Sure! He nearly killed every
Yonkers Statesman.
Think of the money in your pocket and
can tell you the amount you have to a
Myer-well, how much?
Gyer-One hundred cents. - Chicago
News.
Hostess-won't you sing something, Mr..
Borely?
Mr.. Borely-Yes, if you like, I'll sing one
Hostess-Weii, do sing now. and perhaps
Miss Slowboy will accompany YOU
Punch.
"I understand that Crimson Gulch has a
Yes" answered Bronco Bob. But the
fellers around here is SO sensitive that
they dasn't print anything about EN-
Its editorial staff must have many diff
ficultiesl''
Mister. that amt any editorial staff
That's a suicide club. Was hington Star.
Isn't my check good in this bank?''
1t. IT isn't good ma am. until you sign it"
closed my calling card with it?''
Yes. ma'am- But it is not the same
Such nuisancei Then I suppose
can't get my money!
How cam MY sanT .nS who does
all my signing, is away on her vacation
Cleveland Plain Dealer
First Shoe clerk-women are so unrea-
sonable.
Second Ditto-That's right. A woman
came in yesterday and said she wanted 4
shoe that was both comfortable and styI-
ish.-Philadelphia Record.
Bill Collector returning the check)-
Cashier says this is no good. You've al
ready overdrawn, your account at the
bank
Ardup-Gee. never supposed he'd let
me do that I'm better of than I thought
I was.-Chicago Tribune.
81 see that another United States SEN
ator, said the man who reads the papers.
Life Insurance or land fraud?' inquired
his companion who was also up on news
events.-Portland Telegram.
Mrs. Mungleswag looks as If she were
the victim of some great sorrow.
She is. Her daughters all got married
to mere Americans before her husband
struck it rich with his patent. Chicago
Record-Herald.
Bridegroom-elect purchasing the usual
buttonhole)-I want some flowers.
Florist sympathetically)-Yes, sir. A
cross or wreath?-Punch-
81 heard somebody say something about
Mrs. Jones the other day
oh. what was it?'
ct isn't bad enough to reDeat. "-C1sve-
land Leader.
Didn't that patient respond to your
treatment? 2, asked the doctors wife.
I've sent him three billsr'-Yonkers
Statesman.
Quite a number of EnSlishmen are lc-
eating in that new suburb he's building up
ana he's thinking of calling the place
Il don't quite see the idea"
We'll that's the English quarter, you
know. Press.
Balty More-Did you ever know man to
lose his entire fortune in one one fell swoon?
men lose their all in one fool swaD.-Bal-
| timore American.
If It were only conscience that made
towards of us all there would be no lack
of bravery in the world.-Puck.
City Lawyer-But you must admit the
attorneys in the rural districts do not get
! fat fees like those in the city.
Country La syyer-I don't know about
| that, stranger. Sometimes when money is
| scarce we take pork as fee, and I guess
that's pretty fat.-Chicago News.
Mrs. Biinks-That horrid Mrs. Winks
says I'm fool
Mr.. Blinks-I am sure she would not
make such an i'll natured remark.
Mrs. Blinks-Well, she didn't say that in
so many words, but that is what she
meant. She says I believe everything you
tell me--New York Weekly.
Daisy-Did Harry blush when he pro-
posed?
Maisie-I didn't notice / was busy look
ing to see if my Gibson pose was all right
in the mirror.-Chicago News.
What if you were to find a strange
man in your room?"
Mercy, OF course would sink through
the :ioo-.''
but what If the nat below were occu-
pied by a bachelor ?''-Puck.