The Caldwell tribune., 1905-08-12

1e--A nope ycu don't make fool OF
your husband
he- No; I don't have to.-Yonkers
Statesman. e@sa.'s~s.saes.,s-s-4ra
Appropriate-A Southern cornetist,
named Burst, has three children Alice
May Burst, James Wood Burst, and
Henry Will Burst. ..
So Naturals--Mrs. Cassidy-'Twas
very natural he looked. Mrs. Casey
Aye, shure he looked fur all the wurld
lo1ke lowe man layin' there dead.
Breaking the News.-Mistress-
you want eggs to keep you must lay
them in cool place. Bridget-Orll
mintion It to the hens at wanst; mum.
Ellis Experiences III s.
Regarding q woman; said Hsapeck,
TO thisysaid conclusion Tvs come:
When maIfpufs ring on her fnRer
Sas He puts himself under her thumb. "
Awful.-Uncle Hiram-Thet say
that the sun never sets on the British
Empire. Aunt Hannah-Doesn't 1t
now7 And we. have such lovely sun
sets over here! I ~ s9A1IAA1 /
Very Likely.-"Have you any taste
for ThackerayT asked Mrs. Oldcastle.
mo, l can't say that have" replied
her hostess; 'fs that anything like this
paprika they're putin in everything
nowT" l""i
Correct.-"Pa," said little Reginald,
what Is a bucket shop2", "a bucket
shop, my son." said the father, feel.
ingly, SIS modern cooperage estab.
ltshment to which. a man takes a bar
rel and brings back the bung-hole."
Insinuation.-Patron Gin restaurant
What are yeu bothering me fori
Head Usher-The gentleman at the
next table wanted me to ask If you
/ wouldn't please face the other way
/ He says he was nearly eaten by an a.
Ihgator once and can't bear to see yor
eat. ---. --+-~- .-----~---
The Realist.-Alexis came home one
night with, his clothes full of holes
What has happened to your exclaim
ed his mother. "Oh, we've been play
ing shop ever since school closed,
Alexis replied. TShop?" echoed his
mother. "Yes.s We opened a grocery
and everybody was something" Alexis
explained. ri was the cheese"
Gould Do Without It.-"You remem
Eber that I gave an order for pound
Of liver a while ago?' YES" was thu
reply. ''Well, I find that do not neeC
| 1t, and you need not send It," Befort
she could put doWp,~th telephone re
ceiyer she heard the market-man sa!
to some one In the store: ''Take ou
Mrs. Blanks liver. She says she cal
get along without It."
Recommendabl bic, ,---',1I husband 1
so poetic said one lady to ,ther II
a car the other days. Poor dear!' in
terrupted a good-natured looking WON
an with a market basket at her feel
who was seated at the lady's elbov
and overheard the remark. "Have yoj
ever tried rubbin' his j'ints with hart
shorn liniment, mum? That'll straight
en- him out as quick as anything
know Of"
The Secret Of Harmony.-Youn
Mrs. Mead had just engaged two sci
wants, man and his wife. II am s
glad you are married." she said to th
, man. II hope you are very happy, an
that you and your wife never have an
difference of opinion" Faith, ma an
I couldn't say that. replied the ney
servant, "for we haveaa good many
but OF don't let Bridget know of thin
an SO we do be getting along well.
Generals Saved Him.-When Gel
eral Robert E. Lee was fighting Grar
In 1.-The last days" an old darky b.
sieged headquarters with requests I
see "the gin'ral." "Well, where d
you belong?" demanded General LIE,
II b'longs to y'r company, gin'ral," r,
turned the darky. mo, you don't
declared the General, Sharply. Ever.
body in my company has been sho
How is 1t that you haven't beenT I'll
darky scratched his head. Then frol
his twisted mouth CAM a conf1denti,
whisper: "Well, yo' see, glnral, it
this away. I amt been shot 'cas
when dey's fight goin' on l alwaJ
stays with the gin'rals."
= Took 1t for Granted.