River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1905-04-06

put the hat box on the counter, 'foI
it will be months, and maybe years
before you see me again"
"Oh. ioy!" said the old groceryman
as he heaved a sigh, and tried to look
sorry What is it, reform school, OF
have the police ordered you out OF
town? | have felt it coming for a
long time This is the only town you
could have piled your vocation so long
in and not been pulled. Where are
you going with the dude suit case and
the hat box?"
''Oh, dad has got whole mess more
diseases, and the doctors Mad con-
versation over him Sunday, and
they say he has got to go away again
right now, and that a sea voyage will
brace him up and empty him out sc
medicine over in Europe can get in its
work and strengthen him so he can
start back after a while and probably
die on the way home, and be buried at
sea Dad says he will go, for he had
rather die at sea than on land, cause
they don't have to have any trouble
about a funeral, cause all they do is
to sew a man up in piece of cloth
tie a sack of coal to his feet, slide him
off a board, and he goes kerplunk
down into the salt water about a mile
and stands there on his feet and
makes the whales and sharks think he
is new kind of fish"
Gee! but that is a programme that
appeals to me as sort of uncanny,
said the old man. rs your dad des-
pendent over the outlook? What new
disease has he got?"
''All of EN-" said the boy, as he took
a label off a tomato can and pasted it
On the end of the suit case. "You
take an almanac and read about all
the diseases that the medicine adver-
fused in the almanac cures, and dad
has got the whole lot of them, nervous
prostratiOn, rheumatism, liver trouble,
stomach busted, lungs congested, dia-
phragm turned over, heart disease,
bronchitis, corns, bunions, every darn
thing a man can catch without costing
him anything. But he is not despond-
ent. He just thinks it is an evidence
of genius, and a certificate of standing
in society, and wealth. He argues that
the poor people who have only one
disease are not in it with statesmen
and scholars. Oh, he is all right. Ee
thinks if he goes to Europe all knocked
out, he will class with emperors and
dukes. Oh, since he had that operation
and had his appendix chopped out, he
thinks there is a bond of sympathy
between him and King Edward that
Will cause him to be invited to be the
guest of royalty. He is just daffy," and
the bad boy took sapolio label out of
a box and pasted it on the other end of
the valiSe.
What in thunder and lightning are
you FASTING those labels on your va
Use for?" said the old man, as the bow
reached for Quaker oats label and
soap advertisement and pasted them
on.
"Oh, dad said he wished he had some
foreign labels of hotels and things on
his valise, to make fellow travellers
believe he mad been abroad before. and
l told him | could fix it all right. You
see, if ! paste things all over the va
lise he will think it is all right. cause
he is near sighted" and the bow pasted
on a label for 81 varieties of pickles.
and then put on an advertisement for
Lair restorer on the hat box.
Say. here's a fine one. this mailed
milk label, with a New Jersey COW on
the corner, said the old man. as he
began to take interest in the bows tai
ent as an artist. And here. try one
Of these green pea can labels, and the
pork and beans legend, and the only
soap. Say, if you and your dad don't
create sensation from the minute
you take the train till you get back,
you can take it out OF my wages.
When are you going?"
Tomorrow night" said the boy. as
he put more labels on the hat box. and
stood off and locked at them with the
eye of an artist I'VE go to New York
first to stay few days and see things,
and then We take steamer and sail
away. and the sicker dad is The more
time | will have to fill up ON useful
nollig"
''Hennery," said the old groceryman,
as his chin trembled, and a tear came
20 his eye. Il want to ask you a favor.