The Parma herald. (Parma, Idaho) 1903-1917, 1905-08-05

Q OOD
Short
Observation-Disclosures

Hume, the historian, found himself
one day, at social dinner, next to
Lord John Russell. In the course Of |
conversation, his lordship said: 'Whar
do you consider the object Of legisla-
tonr THE greatest good to the great
est number" was Hume's answer
And what do you consider the great
est numberT continued Lord John
Russell. Number one, my lord" was
the historians prompt reply.
"a case with which l was connected
few years ago" said Frederick Ire
vor Hill, involved some large cor
porate mortgages, and frequent refer
ences were made by the lawyers on
both sides to the 'ten-mlllion-dollar
mortgage and the twenty -million-doi-
lar bond issue. Finally, one Of the
jurors, little German barber, couldn't
stand it any longer, and raised his
hand. Mr.. Judge he expostulsted, If
der lawyers will please say Won dollar
ven dey means a million dollars, dot
would makes me understands besser
Dose millionsl Achl Colt! dey con-
fuses mel"
Shortly after the introduction Of the
electric telegraph into Scotland, a
West Highlander, who had been to
Glasgow, and was, consequently, sup
, posed to have got to the bottom Of all
mysteries, was asked to explain It,
"Weel," said he, ats no easy to ex-
: plain what you will no be understand
; in But I'll tell ye what it's Ike. II
: you could stretch my collie dog frat
? Oban to Tobermory, an II you was:
= to clap Its head in Oban, an 1t waggi
o its tail In Tobermory, or of l wass t.
tread on its tail in Tobermory an 4
e squaked In Oban-that's what the tel
o egraph is like"
}, In the Autobiography OF Andrew
e d. White" is a story Of a former sen
II ator of the United States who, abou
e the year 1910, was sent to Russia a
IT minister. Sobriety was not this ger
r tleman's especial virtue, and this le
TO the resignation Of his valet VIII
t told as follows Of the final quarrel
re This morning OF thought It was toim
y to get his igsillincy out Of bed, for b
Sc had been drunk about a week and !
e. bed most OF the tonne, and so Oh wer
n 10 him and says, gentle loike, 'Woul
ne your igslllincy have a cup OF coffee
"a when he rose up and shtruck me
III the face. On that Oh took him by ii
n collar, lifted him out Of bed, took MI
across the room, showed him his ugl
re face in the glass, and OF said to hir
es. says Oh: Is thin the eyes Of an e
or voy extraor-r-r-dinary and ministh
he plinipotentiar-ryT
an Chief Clerk John McDermott, Of Il
ny Hotel st. Francis was a Thespis
sW once, although, according to his stor
lie his roles were mostly silent ones,
volving such acting as holding up
greenwood tree in a performance
the "As You Like It." or being "hors'
out footsteps off right" or the Roman me
IT never had a speaking part, though
red he said, until appeared at the Ora
a Opera House IN an amateur product
wv Of Hamlet for the benefit Of st. II
rick's Church. l was the ghost L
fellow who was coaching US gave
the very accurate instructions. He sa
Il when you come on, you say, "Haml
I am thy fathers ghost" in 10
Ian and sonorous tone 1t would hi
been all right. but for the fact tina
sid misunderstood him. The night of
lual performance I went on at the pro
moment and said, Hamlet, am
! of fathers ghost in a loud and sonor
tone.' When they got through say
. things to me that night l decided
retire permanently from the stage