Willmar tribune. [volume] (Willmar, Minn.) 1895-1931, 1905-10-18

think 1t was a picnic, but this salt
water sickness takes the cake / was
sorry for dad, because he holds more
than I do, and he is so slow about CIV
ing up meals that he has paid for, that
1t takes him longer to commune with
nature. and he groans so. and swears
some. l don't see how person can
swear when he is seasick on the ocean,
with nc sure thing that he will ever
see land again, and good prospect of
going to the bottom, where you got to
die in the arms of devil fish, with a
shark biting, pieces out of your tender
loin and a smoked halibut waiting
around for his share of your corpse,
and whales blowing syphons of water
and kicking because they are so big
that they can't get at you to chew
cuds of human gum, and porpoises
combing your damp hair with their
fine tooth comb fins, and sword fish
and sawtooth piscatorial carpenters
saving off steaks.
Gee, but it made me crawl. l once
saw dead dog in the river, with bull
heads and dog-fish ripping him up the
back, and kept thinking had rather
be that dog, in a nice river at home.
with bullheads that I knew chewing
me at their leisure, than to be dead
boy miles down in the ocean, with
strange fish and sea serpents quarrel
Ing over the tender pieces in me. A
man told me that if you smoke cigar
cites and get saturated with nickoteen,
and you are drownded, the fish will
smell Of you, and turn up their noses
and go away and leave your remains.
so l tried a cigarette, and, gosh, but I
had rather be ct by fish than smoke
another, on an ocean steamer It only
added to my. sickness, and l. had
enough before.
II Prayed some, when the boat stood
on its head and piled us all up in the
front end, but q chair struck me on the
place where Fitzsimmons hit Corbett,
and Knocked the prayer all out of me.
and when the boat stood on her butt
end and we all slid back the whole
length of the cabin, and brought up
under the piano, tried to sing a
hymn. such as used to in the 'Pisco-
pal choir, before my voice changed,
but the passengers who were alive
yelled for some one to choke me. and
l didn't sing any more.
Dad was In the stateroom when
we were rolling back and forth in the
cabin, and between sicknesses he came
out to catch me and take me into the
stateroom, but he got the rolling habit
too, and he rolled a match with an
actress who was voyaging for her
health, and they got offully mixed up
He tried to rescue her, and grabbed
hold of ner belt and was Keeling he,
in oil right, when man who said he
was her husband took dad by the neck
and said he must keep his hands of O,
get another nose put on beside the
one he had, and then they all rolled
under a sofa, and how it came out ]
don't know, but the next morning dads
eye was BACKED, and the fellow who
said he was her husband had his front
teeth knocked out. and the actress lost
her back hair and had to wear a silk
handkerchief tied around her head the
rest of the trip, and she looked like q
hired girl who has been out to dance
1.-The trouble with dad is that he
butts In too much. He thinks he is
the whole thing and thinks every
crowd he sees is demonstration fol
him. When the steamer left New York
there we're hundreds of people on the
dock to see friends of, and they had
flowers to present to the friends. and
dad thought they were all for him, and
he reached Cor every bunch of roses
that was brought aboard, and was
going to return thanks for them, when
they were Jerked away from him, and
he looked hurt. When the gang
plsnk was pulled in, and the boat be.
KAN tc wheeze, and grunt. and move
away from the dock, and dad saw the
crowd waving handkerchiefs and
laughing. and saying bon voyage, hi
thought they were doing it all for him
and he. started In to make q speech
thanking his fellow countrymen FOL
cornlnt; to sec him OF, and. promising
them that No would prove . true rep.
ressntativs Of his beloved country ID
hts travels abroad, and tha4 he would
% truo 70. the stars and stripes wher.