The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-09-19
HUMOR OF THE DAY

\ HUMOR OF The DAY
Redd-Is ne given to blowing his own
horn.
Green-Oh, no: he has a chauffeur
Yonkers Statesman.
Footpad-Your money or your life.
Hall leader, and
Footpad-Oh, don't care how yer got
It'll take iti-Puck.
TT appears that Massachusetts has
discovered that monkeys will destroy
that pest the gypsy moth"
81 wonder if that accounts for the
fact that there are no gypsy moths at
"-Cleveland Plain Dealer.
'fOh. sighed Mrs. Oldcastle, am SO
sick of the proletariati''
so are me and Josiah" replied her
hostess. Were goin' to give It up and
go back to coffee, even if it amt the
best thing for the nerves. Chicago
Record-Herald.
Husband-Well, 1 must say that all fools
wife overwhelmingly glad of it.dear.
I GsVef '00N wen ~ ''4'N W
Bill the Brute-Thirteen's my unluelxy
Pete the Dip-Wot makes yer think so?
Bill-W' enevr 1 see twelve men in de
box and one on de bench, know I'm goin'
to take trip over de road.-Cleveland
Leader.
Jones would make an excellent detec-
tive. He seems to know the inner history
of every family in the neighborhood.'
He does. That's one of the advantages
the 'ei local telephone central" -BrookIyn
Life.
Silly Willie
Rocked the boat;
Silly Willie
Couldn't float.
Village chuch bell
| Baltimore American.
Miss ElderIeigh-Just think. Mr.. Braix.
am within ten years years Of psi tnirty r.
Miss Eledleigh-That's sweet of you-hu-
Mr.. Braix-weII. if anybody else had
| told me you were forty-dve. I'd have said
/ they were five years OF, anyhow.-Cieva-
4 land Leader.
Gunner-You don't visit Proudpa SO Of
Guyer-No: his son is big enough to talk
Gunner-H,m. suppose Proudpa In
sests on telling you the bright things he
Guyer-worss than that. He has them
recorded on aphonograph.-chicago News.
Nordy-I haven't heard anything OF
Binks for a long. long time. He must be.
Butts-No; not dead. but the next thing
to it.
Rutts-He' 81 married ar to a prilna donna.
philadelphia Bulletin.
us music immoral. reallyT' asked the
Not ali of it," repli sd the chaperon;
Commercial Tribune.
Uncle Horace (whc is something OF a
ylO md phiinSnnheTl-MV
for you to begin to think seriously of the
kind of future you intend to map out for
graved upon your fombstonee
| Nephew Gust beginning his career)-He
Money talks" said the man of trits
Yes" answered Mr.. Dustin Tax. But
| it shouldn't insist on writing for the mag
azines. Washington star
| Said the old colored deacon: "I ain both
! cred bout whether dar's life on de moon.
earth is what gifts me.'-Atlanta Constitu-
| ton.
| What are you doing-mal1ing jokes?"
They're all written. Now I'm bunting
the points, SO that they will be seen. -
Judge.
80 your first .fiancee threw yeu over do
you think she ever regretted lit"
Il am beginning to think she DID.
married immediately, and she never mar
| ried at aIl."-Detroit Free Press.
Yes" said Miss Passay. coyiy, ait is
1 true that Mr. Dumley and I are to be
| partners for life"
wen. well!" exclaimed Miss Pert, what
| a responsibility for you, being the senior
partner .''-Philadelphia Press.
He climbed so high in the world says
| a Georgia exchange, that he got lost in
| the mists of the mountain top and the
world couldn't see him. "-Atianta Consti-
tuition.
| The burglar having filled sack with
valuables from the pantry and china closet
| leisureiy made his way to the bed room on
| the second foor.-.tDese summer outin's,''
\ he said, slowing himself away comfortably
in the most luxurious bed in the deserted
mansion, lis great things fur hard work
in men like me."-Chicago Tribune.