The Topeka state journal., 1905-07-31
HUMOR OF THE DAY

HUMOR OF THE DAY
There are too many Erafters in the
world" said the patriotic clsizen; ssa, 10, sor-
ghum Pretty soon there won't be enough
graft to go round ''-Washington Star.
so glad you finally managed to visit
u.s. said Mrs. Bluegore of Virglnia.
ture gallery; 1 want to show you my old
My iands" exclaimed Mrs. Dudley of
Chicago. Il didn't know you was ever a
slave. e."-Philadelphia Press
play the piano the way she does on Sum
dag?
person to play the piano the way she does
on any day.-Yonkers Statesman
Trouble kin make the humblest of US
see mo- stars in a minute dan de astron-
omers kin find in H7ile.-Atlanta Constl-
tuition.
Grandpa-Tomrny name some important
things that exist today. but were unknown
Tommy-You and me.-Philadelphia
Bulletin.
Mrs. Subbubs-We'n have to have that
back shed painted right away;
ABOUT it, but he's so busy he won't Be able
to attend to il for several weeks; wee 81. ,onr
it needs to be painted very badly.
Mr.. subbubs-oh, in that case, I'll do it.
-Philadelphia Press.
''I wouldn't marry that old man for his
wen, you've got a poor opinion Of my
taste if you think 1 would marry him for
love."-Houston Post
But he's the author of a successful
novel. understand"
mot exactly. He's the successful author
wei, that's the same thing
novel, thats n4 ee nas iPSissHip MedgeF
IT see that letter supposed to have
| been written by Henry VIII has just
brought $1,000"
That's nothing. A letter of mine just
yes, to girl who sued me for breach
Dressmaker-And would you have leg OF
mutton sleeves. madam?
Customer-Most certainly not. I am a
vegetarian Punch.
Lord Algie-But you Americans, y know
you have no ancestors.
Miss Youess-No, suppose you envy us
that advantage.-Cleveland Leader.
Did you ever see such ostentatious
| Never; One would think they were
really rieh.''-Brooklyn Life.
New York Man-why do they call Bos-
| ton 1.-The Hub?
San Francisco Man--Because the swiftest
| part of the country is farthest from 1t, 1
1 guess.-CIeveland Leader.
| singing when Mr.. Spoozleton comes here?"
Well. don't like the fellow, and yet
Chicago Record-Herald.
"Georger
ed me If I enjoyed brass band
you did And / said yes but it seems
1 misunderstood you, George. Ny wedding
| ger."-CIeveland Leader.
The young man with some embarrass-
mentl-There is one question you haven't
asked me yet, Mr.. Hurpop; you haven't
wanted to know whether or not / think
The Other Man-That isn't necessary.
She'll see that you make the living an
| right, if she's at all like her mother-and
1 think she is.-Chicago Tribune.
This is what call knocking them down
fine for running over three people with his
| auto.-Town Topics
| Mamma-Johnny has begun to develop
all the characteristics OF. an optimist.
Mama-When I made him wash his neck
today he said he was glad he wasn't a
| giraffe.-Chicago News.
Miss sinclair-wha didn't he mahry dat
Cooper gal?
de latest minute-wouldn't lend him a dol
| lar foh t. git de license wif.-Puck.
Beulah-I suppose you go to church on
Sunday when you don't play golf?
Alrna-My dear, when the weather is too
| bad to play golf it isn't fit to venture out
| at an-Jud.e.
Comwigger-society in this country is
J Merritt-oh. well, perhaps some day the
! members of the smart set will get married
with as little publicity they get di-
| vorced.-Judge.
Lady following hounds)-There's your
horse, count TAerei
The count (who has taken several tesses)
-Merci madam. wish him not. 1t Is
Punch.
Jones grumbles at cold weather."
And he grumbles at hot weather."
What does he lke?''
He likes to grumble. London Tit
Bits.
The literature of ''absent excuses'' is in
| creasing. Sometimes it is the mother who
:'Piease. Miss Gardner. excuse Tommy for
| his absence and don't whip him when he
| amt there Century Magazine
Miss Browne-She's forever complaining.
| but think she merely lacks stamina
| Mrs Malaprop-Ohi no, she's got it, That
| is what her doctor calls her disease She
can't sleep, you know.-Philadelphfa Press
Mabel (not in her first youth)-First of
all, he held my hands and told nv for
tune; and then, Evie. he gazed into my
| face ever so long and said he could read
! my thoughts Wasn't that clever of him.
dear?
| Evie-Oh, suppose he read between the
| lines. darling.-Punch.
OTtAKEI, I,EErE,s-rrr,nra