davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Oxford Democrat. [volume] (Paris, Me.) 1833-1933, 1905-10-10
1.-THE PULPIT,

Resolved, That we believe it to be of
great importance that there should be
pronounced utterances through the
pulpits of our state upon the temperance
question. We appreciate the powerful
influence of the clergy and rejoice that
the ministers of Maine with notably few
exceptions, are outspoken in their adj
vocacy of total abstinence and prohibi-
ton; and we also rejoice that in the
same proportion the religious confer
ences and conventions are like minded
with the clergy.
Oxford Democrat. [volume] (Paris, Me.) 1833-1933, 1905-10-10
West Paris.

The Methodist Ladies' Aid had their
usual good success with the harvest din
ner and supper last Wednesday. They
were favored with fine autumn weather
and there was good attendance. They
had a booth decorated in white and green
at one side of the hall where they had q
good variety of aprons and fancy articles
which found ready sale. Ice cream was
also on sale. The net proceeds were
s47.72. The evening programme which
wac given as a free entertainment was
as follows:
organ hecltal,- Mfs may new.
Prayer, hev. mr.. nelson.
Solo, I've been Trying so Hard to Forget You,
Mrs. Farnum.
Recitation, ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS Esther Nelson.
Song. Under the Oregon's Tall Pines,
Mrs. Miles.
Recitation. Robert Churchill.
Singing, The Ring My Mother Wore,
ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS Mrs. Ellingwood.
Reading. -.--...-...-..--..Mis Miss Grace Dudley.
Song, In the city Of Signs and Tears,
Oxford Democrat. [volume] (Paris, Me.) 1833-1933, 1905-10-10

John D. Rockefeller, Jr., is forced by
acute nervous dyspepsia to leave the
business world at the age of IS. What
, shall it profit man to inherit the
Standard Oil Company and lose his
kdigestion?
Oxford Democrat. [volume] (Paris, Me.) 1833-1933, 1905-10-10

If all the officials in Oregon, from
United States Senator down, who have
been indicted for land frauds, should
lose their offices, an election to choose
their successors would require a ballot
so large as to be unwieldy.
Oxford Democrat. [volume] (Paris, Me.) 1833-1933, 1905-10-10

Resolved, That we rejoice that we are
a part of the National and Worlds w.
C. T. U. and we pledge ourselves to do
everything within our power to cooper
ate in all the plans of work outlined by
the National w. C. T. U. under its gen.
eral divisions, namely: - organization,
preventive, educational, evangelstic,
social and legal-leading out into 40 de-
partments of work.
Oxford Democrat. [volume] (Paris, Me.) 1833-1933, 1905-10-10

The last of the "big three" life in
surance comprehensive Mutual Life
has now come under investigation, and
the discovery has been made that there
are in its management some of the same
Objectionable features which have been
SO severely criticised in tho others.
Oxford Democrat. [volume] (Paris, Me.) 1833-1933, 1905-10-10

Labor union folly would seem to have
reached its climax in a case in Chicago.
In the building of an eighteen story
block, the electricians struck, and com
plant was made against the contractors
that the electrical machinery had been
installed in part by non-union workmen.
The union therefore demands that this
machinery shall be torn out at cost OF
thousands of dollars and replaced BY
union workmen, and on the refusal OF
the contractors to do this, strike of all
the workmen on the building has been
ordered. Well wishers to labor unions
in their legitimate functions will regret
this action. In the long run it can but
injure the cause of union labor.
Oxford Democrat. [volume] (Paris, Me.) 1833-1933, 1905-10-10

The Illinois state federation of wo-
mems clubs is to hold ''free speech
convention, at which every woman pres
ent will be permitted to talk as much as
she likes. And yet there was an i'm
preston in some quarters that that was
privilege which the sex enjoyed with
out having to go into convention after it.
Oxford Democrat. [volume] (Paris, Me.) 1833-1933, 1905-10-10
INTERESTS.

Resolved, That we will also do all in
our power towards the enforcement of
those other laws of our state which have
direct reference to home interests, in
Guiding laws against cigarettes, gam
bling, Sabbath dissertation, impure litera-
ture and immoral exhibitions, and for
the protection of women and children.
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1905-12-03

"Both NV 'en fit f'r their rights, &C.
cordin' t. thu customs Nv tn place.
Both wv EN- wuz up agin a brace game,
an both Nv 'em. called tn turn. Loco
never squealed when he went down an
out, nor did Alkali; no more did
Branch. All NV 'em shook hans an ,
furgot it. Mr.. Branch wasn't none t.
blame, no more than tn other Teller.
Both Nv 'em fit square, an shook han g
arter twas over. Them s tn ; rules Nv
tn game, an both Nv 'em lived up
to tn rules. TIL rest Nv it wuz an ac-
cident, jest ex liable t. happen t one
Teller ez another. Likely eff Branch
had bin at home cashierin , in til bank,
or writin' life insurance, street kyar
W 'ud Nv killed him. Thar's lots Nv us
hez sympathy fur his folks; but they
knowed what kind Nv place it wuz afore
he went thar We sure don't like q
gutter; an eff tn boy hadn't backed
his words with his fists thar wouldn It
bin no place in tn navy FIR him. He'd
better be dead an respected than alive
an looked on ez pore, squealln quit
ter by every man in tn academy.
Them s my sentiments.
buU WnaC: Will napDeH 70 Mefl-
Wether?o asked Johnny Green.
"He will stand trial and take his
medicine" replied Harris. But he
will be judged by men that know him
and know the customs Of the Naval
Academy. They have been there them
selves. He had a perfect right to fight
to stay at Annapolis; and he will get
a square deal from the officers Of the
navy and the president.
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1905-12-03

If Branch told i'm t be bilged,' SEE
they, sure he should joomp in tn
bilge water av is own accord t. show
lis obaydience. Fighting FIR lis rights
is low an disgraceful; we all hould ut
SO. We w'ud loop q loop, or sink a
collier with two thousan' tons av coal,
an fate sthamin back T. Key West
undher FORCED draft f'r more coal, at
any tonne, t kape out av a fight, seq
they. 9TH navy's no place FIR fight
in'' man, seq they; $50 out wild i'm,
quick, an forgit ut. AM tn worst
av ut is they'll do ut, too. -
"You all means some Nv them fellers
that sets in padded desk chairs w'ud
kick tn pore boy out eff they c'ud,
Biddy,' said Kintuck. "They fellers
deals in marked kyards, sure enuff; an
thar amt nothin' t. be said in their
favor. They're stampeded, an they II
down Meriwether or anybody else t
save themselves from blame.
'But them fellers amt tn navy
Wainwright ain It that sort; he's a
fighter. That ere Admiral Mccormick
don't stand f'r no marked kyards
He's tn sort that represents tn fight
in navy. Why, them other fellers Is
SO skeered NV him that they wants t
upset tn hull courtmartial system t
git him off N tn court, coz he's ketchec
onto tn game an won't stand full
nothir' but a square deal. But they
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1905-12-03

crowd, an orders i'm t. dance. They
wuz shootin' into tn floor at lis feet
t. make i'm git busy, when he asks,
sorter mild like, ef he c n shed his coat
afore dancin'. H.
"'I amt used ter exercise with my
coat on, seq he, still GRIMM.
& Shed it durn quick then, sez they;
an he done it. . r..
tHAlkai an Loco lowers their guns
while tn tenderfoot wuz sheddin' his
coat, an all Nv a suddin, this ere dood
with eyeblinkers sails inter them fell
lers with lis fists: Durn my eyes eff he
didn It wipe up til floor with both NV
'em in less n q minute. He put Loco
t. sleep with one on! tn jaw, an knocks
Alkali's gun acrost tn room. Then
when Alkali reaches f'r his other gun
this Teller takes it away fir IN him an
orders him t. dance, still GRIMM ,.
While Pete wuz dancin TIL Fisher s
Hornpipie, Tenderfoot Teddy Chat Is
what we calls him in them days) orders
Jim Hanks t. fetch tn doc FIR Loco
When tn doc comes he finds out that
all Loco needs is a drink, an Teddy
seq, still GRIMM an shown his teeth:
6 G sWill ye jine us, Mr.. Alkali?' an
Mr.. Alkai jines. a. = -
"Alkali Pete is Sheriff Huhter now;
an he lows that ere lickin' made a
man NV him. Now s'pose Loco hao
cashed in; whar W 'ud be tn difference
twixt tn case Nv Tenderfoot Teddy an
Mr.. rMeriWetherq . No.
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1905-12-03

fool, Lincoln would illustrate the mat
ter in a wholly impersonal way. Linz
coin was never but once i'll his life
completely stumped. A certain POM
pous and offensive congressman came to
him and made a TRADE against the
administration policy in the war, sug-
gested changes in the disposition Of
armies and demanded fiscal and political
changes which would have turned the
government upside down. Lincoln
heard him thru and then with bored
expression draw1ed, tCongressman
Blank-somehow- don remind
me-of-anything." This is the fault
Of many stories told at banquets. They
don't remind one Of anything. The
subject Of the speech reminded the
speaker of story, but somehow when
it was told the story did not remind
the listeners Of the subject of the
speech.
Thomas Lowry, who has hardly any
equal as POSTMASTER at a dinner, has
the Lincoln faculty of being reminded
of something. His stories are illus
trations. Some people say he coins his
own wit into stories in order to- make
1t more impersonal. It may be so, for
wit has a faculty of making man
enemies, while humor makes him
friends. The late David A. Secombe,
who was a leader Of the Hennepin
county bar in his prime, had a mar
velous fund of dry pungent wit, but it
is doubtful if it made him many warm
friends. For example, the man who
after making long speech to the
court in summing up a cause, heard Sc
combe say Immediately in nasal tone,
"Your honor, the issues in this case
are so plain, that shall follow the ex
ample Of my opponent and submit it
to you without argument" might have
admired Secombe, but he could not
have loved him.
The art in after-dinner speaking
seems to be to tread the dividing line
between being clown and being a
bore. Brevity is one of the prime
requisites of the after-dinner speech, but
it is not the only one; the speech
must be bright, but that is not all It
must be philosophical, but that is not
all. It must be little of each of these
and not too much of either.
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1905-12-03

in IS az bhoy, that Merrywithers. It
fighters we want in tn ARMY an navy
mot CUTTERS; min that defnds their
own rights an RESPECTS tn rights av
others. ,E.-~.
"But tits not that way in tn news
papers. TIL rayporthers av tn subsi-
died press, as they call it, makes out
that Cadet Merrywithers is a blaggard
an ruffian. Here's the way they
see ut: 'Terribul uprisin at tn Naval
Academy. Brutal prize fight at Ann
apolis. Noble young son av rich an
rayspicted banker an life insurance
man kilt by common bhoy. Owdashus
insolence av a pore mans son who de-
mands an even break an a fair show
at tn aristogratic factory FIR Samp-
sons an Hobsons, an objects t. bein
bilged to PLACE lis supayrior. Midship-
man =Merrywithers impudently charac-
terizes spyin an sneakin conduct in
tn same. worlds. Midshipman Branch
challenges him fight, an calls on
tn upper classmin t, bilge i'm. Mu-
,tinous an insubordinate. rebel rayfuses
t be licked by lis supayrior, or t be
bilged t. PLACE i'm. Fights back. "Oi
won stand FIR ut nohow, sex e;
'Ol cum INTO IN navy ngnC, an
right here s where OF begins" Wild
that e lands Jawn u. Sullivan punch
t. the jaw, an Fitz-J etfries hook T.
tn solar plexus t. demonstrate disap-
proval av tn intinshuns av Mr.. Branch
who butts lis head agin tn floor in
fallir' an dies av convolushuns av tn
brain. Merrwithers IT. BIZ coortmar.
tailed FIR not submittin t. tn just
discipline av is supayrior, Cadet
Branch.
An so they ordhers tn pore bhoy
thried; an some av tn : officers that
sh 'ud see fair play at tn academy ties
titles that they niver saw no fghtin
in their lives, an that it's agin thein
principles see any fghtin anyway
Kick tn pore deludhed wretch out az
tn navy, sez they, f r not submittin
| t. whativer lis supayrior tould i'm to
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1905-12-03
FTER tho football season has

n FIER tho fooCDal season mas
AZ closed and winter comes spark
ling down on the coal bin
Minneapolis is sure to turn to other
amusements than golf and there will
be banquets and there will be after
dinner speaking and it is to assist in
subtracting the brutality from the game
this treatise is written.
When the coffee has been served and
che cigars lighted and the walters are
noisily trying to absorb the water
glasses and napkins SO as to have less
to pick up after the fall of the curtain,
do you remember seeing a man at the
head table turn pale, fidget his program,
adjust his coat collar and smile nerv-
ously to his nearest neighbor as if to
deny the fear that sticks out all over
his shirt front. It is the POSTMASTER,
president of the retail salt merchants
association. He Is new to the business,
and knows it. In 3 moment he will
rattle his knife against a tumbler as a
sign for attention and he will get it.
Every man in the room will scrape his
chair on the floor, change his position,
and with eyes front will give the toast
master seven different kinds Of shivers.
The POSTMASTER will struggle to his
feet, a wild glare in his eye, and in a
voice filed with suppressed emotion
tell everybody within six feet Of him
how glad he is to see them about the
board, which is not true, as he wishes
them all in Jericho and himself home
in bed. But he will add that it is not
the province of a. POSTMASTER to make
any extended remarks. "There are
able speakers on our program who will
entertain YOU"
The first man up is usually the mayor,
who welcomes the guests to our city
with incidental references to the total
output Of -four, the population for the
past four decades and the lumber cut.
Other able speakers follow and as the
banquet program proceeds it becomes
evident that this one is not to be par
ticularly different from others. There
is always man on the program who
makes a long speech where short one
would have done much less harm. It
was to illustrate the fatal facility of
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1905-12-03

represented. After the "show" Cap
tain Compton invited the troupe to
coffee and lunch.
Thanksgiving came with a red sunrise
and 6-below weather, and for gratitude
for mercies and blessings scattered
down, personal and nationwide, thru
the perils Of threescore and ten, COM
mend me to none more sincerely CRATE
full than this four hundred. We have
known danger-now SO happy in safety.
We have known WEAKNESS and want
ours now is rest and plenty, and the
happiest satisfaction in the thought and
exemplifcation by commonwealth and
nation, Of gratitude that broad flag
waves over solid country and that on
every sea stands for civilization,
strength and unity.
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1905-12-03

vaded with a learning which was in no
wise labored nor lugged in, but which
flowed freely as tho it were his natural
and Individual method of expression.
Before DR.. Simmons deafness had
grown upon him to the extent Of shut
ting him almost entirely out from the
world he went out considerably and
always carried away the palm for sus-
tanned eloquence and classical perfec
tion of speech.
G. j. lockwood is not known as an
after-dinner speaker, but when he does
speak he always says something. At
the last dinner Of the university alumni
Mr.. lockwood presented an argument
in favor of locating the new main build
ing of the university where it would
not cncroach upon the open space Of
the campus. To locate it where he pro-
posed would necessitate the tearing, out
of an old heating plant and it had
been objected that this investment
would be thrown away. Mr.. lockwood
said it reminded him Of the story of the
boy who came running to his mother,
holding up a dead cat by the tail and
shouting, "Oh, mama, see; somebody
has thrown away perfectly good cat. -
The university alumni were pretty gen
orally converted to Mr.. lockwood 8
plan and they will not forget in hurry
the perfectly adapted illustration.
Adaptation Of stories is faculty
which not many men have. A story
may be good, but if it does not illus
trate it is like the cat, it is thrown
away. The man who can tell story
we'll and make it clinch point has
done something besides amuse his hear
ers. He has given them a concrete
argument for his proposition, whatever
it is, which will remain with them
after the general points have passed out
of their mind. Abraham Lincoln was
always "reminded Of something' when.
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1905-12-03
BY JAMES GRAY.

larry good at replying to a drive at
himself. At banquet soon after his
defeat for governor POSTMASTER made
some remark about his having borne
the cross, but not achieved the crown.
Mr.. Eustis was up and at it immedi-
ately with retort that the trouble
with him was that the people had not
given him the cross. This witty allu-
sion to the fact that his fellow citizens
had forgotten to give him the little
"x' after his name on the ballot set
tied the cross and crown business for
the evening.
Another Minneapolitan whose retir-
ing disposition gives little evidence of
wit at the banquet table is DR.. James
X. Hosmer, former city librarian; but
DR.. Hosmer has made some Of the high
est class after dinner talks in the city's
history. At the dinner given in honor
OF his 10th birthday, which was gotten
up largely by Judge Simpson, the lat
ter's abnormal length gave DR.. Hosmer
an opportunity. He was speaking
whimsically of Judge Simpson emf
nence in the community, and remarked
that he had once met Judge Simpson
when out walking with a friend who
asked: "Who is that tall man9'
."Why, don't you know him9' replied
DR.. Hosmer. FThat's our David. =
"Well, if that's your David" replied
the friend, 81 should like to see your
Goliah.'
Another speaker who is greatly
missed in Minneapolis is the late Dr.
II. M. Simmons, pastor of the First
Unitarian church. DR.. Simmons mind
was in tune with the literature of the
ages. At will he could call up the
most apt classical illustrations and
could garnish them with a lofty wit
Of his own which made his speeches
sound uncommon. They had the ring
Of literature in them. They were per
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1905-12-03

h and IS linn.

unutterable pain Of all present. Mr..
Lowry said It reminded him Of a story
Of the meeting of two Irishmen.
Pat said to Mike:
ssMike, what are you doing now7"'
ssFaith," said Mike, "I've a fine
job down at Niagara Falls"
lis that dommed thing runnin' yetq''
There is also the man who on get
ting up by a series Of bitches gets him
self behind his chair and leans upon it
in a manner which is supposed to in
spire confidence, but which really is an
evidence of great mental and physical
weakness. This man is sure to make
number of inane statements and then
to break off his alleged flow of wit with
the remark: ''But speaking serious
ly-' The extraordinary thing about
his transition is that his serious re-
marks are no more ponderous than his
former flow of badinage.
Minneapolis, however, has number
of speakers who know their business
thoroly. Among these President North
rop Of the university is easily at the
head. The president usually gets up
his speech after he reaches the banquet
board. He picks up previous speakers
and slams them down again and when
he has finished his preliminary remarks
his audience is in tune with him and
he finishes with some cogent sugges-
tions expressed in terms Of real elo-
quence. The facility to think quickly
on ones feet is invaluable to an after
dinner speaker and there are few men
who excel President Northrop in this
realm. Perhaps the nearest approach
to him is William Henry Eustis, who
makes many after-dinner speeches and
seldom fails to make a number Of witty
sallies, nor does he often finish a speech
without adding something Of permanent
value upon his theme. He IS particu
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1905-12-03
By SHOULDER STRAPS

act, and made his report. But he chal-
lenged Meriwether to fight. There was
nothing left to Meriwether but to fight.
In such case if he had refused he
would have ruined his standing at that
school, or any other school, among the
other boys. He had to fight, and there
was not member Of the court that
tried him that wouldn It fight under the
same circumstances.
< + +
"sure, tits right yees are, Harris, ,:
said Biddy Doyle. Gle has tn max.
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1905-12-03
NOTES FROM THE
..... SOLDIERS HOME
By One of the "Vets''
How We Eat,

How We Eat.
Soldiers Home Minnehaha, Dec. L.
Not so much the quantity Of food taken
as methods in eating concern health.
Altho inmates have been repeatedly
urged to 'ETake your time for eating"
there is certain rivalry at each table
mainly in sympathy with the waiter
that he should finish his job as soon
as others. This causes unhealthy haste.
Some leave their table within five min
utes of the "attack''; most in ten min
utes; all usually in twelve or fourteen
minutes. Slow, toothless eaters even
are back to their quarters in fifteen to
twenty minutes from the time of leav-
ing for meal.
In some homes q second signal to
"fall backo is sounded twenty minutes
from the "attack,' before which time
nothing is to be removed from the
tables, and altho we all know that we
have that time If we will take it, yet
no doubt second whistle would tend
to more leisurely meal. There may
teeth,'' a very few with good natural
teeth, but large percentage average
from no teeth to five or six loose, worth
less Fsnags.' .s.
What do we have to eats To say that
our food is "good" does not quite fill
the bill, and to say that it is whole
some, nutritious, well-cooked and served
in abundance, is little fairer.
Of course, with the changing seasons
our fare also changes. When the acres
of garden send their supply Of lettuce,
onions and greens, we wade along the
list thru cucumbers, turnips, peas, beets,
beans to corn, cabbage, caulifower, to-
matoes and melons, which, as the wea-
Their turns make pleasant and health
full change from the winters diet.
Changes in. the Ranks.
During the week the following were
admitted: Charles Ward, Company B,
l24th Indiana infantry; Patrick Nc
Laughlin, Company K, Fifth Minnesota
infantry; Patrick Lyons, Company D,
Sixty-ffth Illinois volunteers. Twelve
| were granted furloughs and eight were
received from furlough.
The burial service of Samuel G. Mar
tin, who died on Friday, Nov. "a, was
held In the chapel on last Sabbath
morning. The exercises were by the
home chaplain and choir and were ef-
fective-especially SO was the "Lights
fOut' as the closing scene. A number
of relatives were present, and the in
terment was in Lakewood, where scores
of loyal dead consecrate their "acre.'
,Died-Nov. ~, Cornelius Rugg, aged
6S, Of Company A, Ninth Indiana. He
came to the hospital Sept. 5, 1905. His
death was due to mitral disease Of the
heart. The funeral occurred Wednes-
day, Nov. 20. The service was Of the
Catholic church, Father McDavit offici.
ating. At the home he had charge of
the flowers in front of cottage No. g.
and we all bear witness that they -four
) ished in beauty under his watchful eye
and caring hand. The eyes are closed
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1905-12-03

the long winded speaker that Thomas
Lowry once told this story. It was
concerning a banquet of which Mr..
Lowry was the POSTMASTER. A GER
tain man arose late in the evening, or
rather early in the morning, and made
q speech Of forty-fve minutes, to the
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1905-12-03
''ReGulars' Discuss J..
MeriWether FIGHT

How Men of the Army View the Trouble at the
Naval Academy---Biddy Doyle, Kintuck and
the Quarternaster's Clerk Express Their
Opinions-" Meriwether that's on
Trial, It's the System.''