The Republican journal., 1905-06-22

inquiry. found that you 80 forth, un;i
guarded, Upon applying to Il NJ. COttrell
he promptly supplied this life-preserver
guaranteed to support five hundred pounds,
so if you are taking a friend out and capsize
YOU will be able to save his life as we'll as
Miss Elizabeth Quimby, understand
that the best tended electric light in town
| is on the corner of Miller and Cedar streets.
| On summer evenings when sitting on your
| doorstep this brilliant glare must be ex-
natural deicacy in appealing for help to the
superintendent of the Electric Light & Gas
| Co., we have thoughtfully provided this
umbrella for you. Also please accept this
cushion, which trust will be large enough
for two, and which will soften the stony
hardness of that famous doorstep.
"Last but by no means least" on my list
is Mr. VIM. Mitigate Black Bill, the audi
ence is well acquainted with you, having
seen you in that conspicuous place OF center
during the late basket ball season. 1t has
panied me greatly to hear them yell, Get
other vulgar expressions, but l think if
! they had taken into consideration the fact
| that you have between 200 and 300 pounds
to get up with they would have shown you
more mercy. Kindly accept this bottle OF
| wonderful reducing powers better than l.,
so can only advise you to take this regu-
larly until next fall, then when you 60 out
| to make the U. of NJ. team You will be some
hundred pounds lighter. To make sure,
however, of your being able to rise above
your opponent | present you this yeast
cake. Use it rightly and you will rise with
| more ease and grace than you displayed
during your career on the B. H. S. team.
Mr.. William Black followed Mr.. Michaels
and kept up the high standard set for him.
Mr.. Blacks clever speeches provoked a
good deal of laughter, especially from those
who understood the illusions made. His
part was as follows
PRESENTATION OF GIFTS. PART II.
There is one in our class who has caused
us much perpleXity-Mr. Weber. AT first
you were to become doctor of lame watches
and also Il dealer III brass and glass jeWelry
Next III partnership with wee Sophomore
under the title of "Lord & " ebber, Con-
tractors" you go to work saving wood and
| Sitting ashes. Then you decide to become a
| tooth doctor and began to study, a phenome-
| non which caused great anxiety about the
state of your health. Then the crash comes.
You leave school to go to work in bank.
sad end for one of your talent as dental
| artist. But then it may not be SO bad after
all. For really there is no difference be-
tween bank director and dentist. They
are merely two different professions for &C
complshing the same ends, namely, extract
ing teeth. AS dentist you would have
pulled them out, but as bank director you
will cheat them out. All. Well! No matter
what occupation you decide upon you will
find this bank useful receptacle III which
to hoard Your ill-gotten gains
Miss Katherine Quimby, the unblushing
beauty OF the class, it has not taken us long
, to decide upon your gift. We are fully in
accord with the prophets. Your fitting
habitatiGn is "MansOn of Aching Hearts"
for Jon are a regular heart smasher'. The
mitten You have been passing around so
freely must be nearly worn out, by this
time, therefore except this new one. But
as we wish to make provision for your
whole life, we also present you this cat
which will serve as a companion when you
live alone with but the memories of past
lovers to console you.
Ella Smalley, we have unbounded con-
fidence in you as a dog trainer. You have
proved yourself the master of all dog
creation. Here is dog which belongs to
the Straw-in-him Cotton-on-him, species.
This species is very ferocious and although
it is not known that this specimen has ever
of his jaw and fierce CLEAN of his eye that
he is very dangerous. Take him and bring
him up in the way he should GO, for your
hand can surely train him.
Mr.. Lane, have you ever heard the
definition of poetic license? | will tell it to
you as told by the father to his son. "What
is poetic lcense9" said the little boy
"Poetic lcence," the father replied" is the
right to rotten-egg, mob, or kill, any long
haired, half-fed idiot that tries to perpetrate
verse A very good definition, is it not.
Mr.. Lane? Now let me advise you to stay
,orht hon io1,
reminds one of our chemistry laboratory as
it looks after you have passed through--in
other words, every thing is smashed. This
back yard is the only safe place for you.
And to console your weary hours | will
present you this pipe which will help you
grammar which you alone know how to
read and appreciate.
Miss Nash, you are to become the wife of
a doctor. What to give you has been a
most perpleXing question. We don'tkn
what doctors wives need. But here is a
bottle of Aunt Mandy's Soothing Syrup; it
will serve to keep You in patience when
your husband is out of patients
In the name of the class, Mr. Holmes, let
me present you this violin; also this song
entitled The Girl That Lett me Far Be
hind" The violin is one of the best, having
been imported from Germany 1t has a
very rich yet sad and pathetic tone and is
especially adopted to play such a selection
as the one mentioned above; which is a
serenade composed by one of our most
popular authors q forgot his name). This
selection when properly played would melt
her heart of stone when even the sight of
your own crushed and bleeding heart would
not
Miss Achorn, the prophets say you are to
be an old maid, but they forgot to state how
in your lone plight you are to obtain liv-
ing. will try to supply the omission. You
are to work in ii Public Library. Here is
book. 1t contains instructions in regard to
the best methods of conducting such an in
stitution. The most important chapter in
this volume is entitled "IlOw to Quiet OBJ
stroperous High School Students in the
Reading Rooms" 1t says "The only sure
way to quiet High school students is to hit
them on the top of their heads with ham
mer" Follow these directions explicitly
and you Will have no trouble.
We wish, Miss Hall, to present you these
easy dancing shoes. They are of the best
French make and are up to date in every
particular. We hope that when you wear
| them they will not cause you so much pain
as pair you wore to a certain dance not
| long ago.
Miss Wilson, in the future when you
have become an Industrious old lady you
will find these knitting needles very useful
in building extensions to the stockings of
your spindle-legged children, also in knit
ting soles with extra large feet For if the
saying is true that the length of a mans
| foot is one-seventh of his height your man
will never be able to buy any large enough.
| Woman's Rights. Eva Tibbetts wo-