davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Evening star., 1905-11-04

"At the time Fitzsimmons fought Gardner
for the Interchangeable championship the
gardener in Sing Sing was an inmate bear
ing the good old German name of Fritz.
His assistant in the greenhouse was a Ger
man also. and the day following the fight
the two men had some words. with the re-
suit that the gardener reported his aid to
the P. K
That official looked into the matter and
was on the point of sending both men to
the cooler for disciplIne's sake when the
assistant, who had been standing dumbly
by for some little time, announced meekly:
Veil vas not so much worse dan dot
Bob Fitzsimmons'
Hows that?' asked the p X
Evening star., 1905-11-04

I'm the two prisons I've served. nearly
all the officials, from the p. X. down. tac-
lily encourage humor among the inmates;
they recognize It's value in keeping the men
more amenable to discipline and In a phi
losophical frame of mind In Sing Sing,
Chaplain Herrick is moving spirit in the
fun and especially around holiday
time, such as Thanksgiving and Christmas.
Not even the most timid inmate would hes
itate to crack joke with him, and he usu-
ally gives as good as he receives. And this
calls to mind little incident that occurred
between the chaplain and an Irishman sent
up for twenty years for killing a man.
This Irishman is a great reader of books
that some folks call heavy, and one day.
when the chaplain was making his rounds
he asked that he be sent copy OF Carlyle's
History of the French Revolution But
the next day lie found instead on his shelf
a copy of Robin Hood and His Merry Men,
and a slip in it from the librarian, stating
that the history was out
''In prisons where the inmates are not al
lowed to talk with one another, even at
stated periods. humor exists just the same
In this case, the coiner of a gag laughs at
1t himself, so with the writer of doggerel,
and the slightest pretext is seized to
get at least broad smile"
Evening star., 1905-11-04

"'vell. he some troubles had nit his Gard
ner. too
Both men escaped the cooler To show
you the real abiding interest that inmates
take in pugilism let me tell you this little
incident. The day after IL occurred the
whole prison was smiling over It. for the
keeper. who was In, couldn't keep the joke
to himself.
This particular keeper was walking along
the corridors about midnight. flashing a
light according to custom. when he beheld
a mans hand clasping the bars of cell.
Are you sick?' he asked. walking over
to the cell.
The con shook his head
Can't Sleep? was the next query.
That's not It
Then what's the matter?'
=" Boss, was the eager plea, tell me who
got the decision
THE average inmates fondness for play
ing cards gives rise to a lot of jokes and
gags of various degrees of rsiblity Here
is one that l remember hearing while 'hod-
ding
"Say. Jim, England, Spain and Italy can
lick Russia, Germany. the United States
and France all put together
"'G'wan, " you bug exploded Jim, who
was an intense American by way of Ireland.
p" That's right persisted the other.
:" We'll, how do you make 1t out?
why, you dope don't you know that
two pairs amt in II with three kings?
''As one would naturally suppose, a good
many of the jokes that the inmates of a
prison get OH nave distinctly local points.
For an outsider to grasp these jokes one OF
two things is necessary-a chart or expert
enee.
Here's chart for one such joke: In Sing
Sing keeper who turns the keys to the
cells is known yard screw, or
screw for short: those inmates who
make desk furniture use an automatic tool
that pushes in the screws: Ii is cause for
discipline when an inmate pushes or shoves
a keeper. or yard screw Now for the
Joke itself:
" Bliffinsll get the cooler tonight
"'What for?'
" Insubordina ton
Z" Decentralization?
" Yes, don't you see him pushing screws p
1T was an Irishman's humor that gave
me my first good laugh when / was sent to
Auburn said the eX-convict.
II was put to work in the enameling
| room, which was then, and still is in
| charge of Capt. Flarity. fine a prison
keeper as ever walked n shoe leather. One
| afternoon one of the inmates reported to
| the captain that his coat was lost, and just
before mastering up, preparatory to TAX
| ing us back to our cells for the night, the
| captain directed thorough search for the
| missing garment 1t was without result, and
the captain was fretting and fuming, when
the coatless man beckoned him to one side
per:
Excuse me. captain. but you've got
thieves in your company
The captain laughed as heartily as the
rest of us.
Evening star., 1905-11-04

In former years the board of estimate.
for example, would spend day and a
half or two days considering calendar
made up for certain day, 1t rarely hap
pens nowadays that the board OF estimate
meetings last longer than half day. and
the calendars are just as heavy as former
~: recently the estimates OF eleven depart
ments were considered and disposed OF il
Evening star., 1905-11-04

press the humor in a mans
SOUL" said former inmate
of Sing Sing to reporter re-
Gently ''I know for a cer-
tainly that it can't-I've just come. from
Sing Sing, where every inmate laughs
heartily at least once a day, and as often
cracks a joke or gets off a gag or does
something to cause his fellows to roar with
merriment.
Pretty grim pace for bumor, you say?
Yes, 1t is but thin,, how grim 1t would be
were there no humor there!
''It is the sense of humor that keeps
prison livable. Deprive an inmate Of this
sense. and I verify believe that he could no:
long stand the monotonous strain. At any
rate, the little sense Of humor that 1
possess helped me immensely to bear my
sentence philosophically, and scores of in
mates have confessed to me that until they
discovered that they could laugh even when
deprived Of their freedom their days were
days Of torture for them.
Much Of the humor of the prison Is ex
pressed in verse. Indeed, the solitude Of
the life seems to give one an inclination
for versifying. and brings out the doggerel
in many a poor DEVILS soul to such a de-
gree that he himself is often astonished at
his new-found gift of rhyming.
s'The poems, il they may be called such.
usually touch upon incidents connected
with existence within prison. Not only
are they put ON paper; they are also COM
mitted to memory, and In prisons like Sing
Sing, where the inmates are permitted to
talk with one another for fifteen minutes
following the end of. the days work. they
are repeated aloud for the delight and edi-
f1cation Of others than their authors. In
Sing Sing many of the poems are also
printed In the prison paper, The Star of
Hope
During my first weeks In Sing Sing"
continued the ex-convict, II was put at
carrying hod. One day, while trying to
take load Of mortar up a ladder I scme-
how lost my balance. To save myself I
let go of the hod, and when 1 regained my
equilibrium, and looked down to see what
had happened to the mortar, / saw 1t
splashed all over the keeper in charge of
the work AS soon as he could control his
rage he had me taken before the p. K.
(prineipal keeper, who informed me that
as / did not seem to be strong enough to
carry bricks and mortar, he would see that
/ was initiated into the art of mat making
THAT very morning 1 was placed in the
mat shop, and an instructor took me In
hand. From the start 1t was gruelling
work, but somehow 1 managed to get
through the day. After dinner while in
my cell-though I was tired all over and
my hands blistered from the rope-the hui
NOR of the day became apparent. I was
seized with an inspiration and turned poet,
putting my experiences in the mat room
in rhyme.
MY first poetic effort was appreciated by
all who heard 1t the next day and for days
after, for every inmate of Sing Sing (the
word convict Is never heard there sooner
or later finds himself up against the mat
room. And how the poor devils would
laugh when I'd repeat my lines with relish
whenever called upOn!'
Evening star., 1905-11-04
the lines, which the author in a happy mo
ment entitled:
"'CIMEX LACTARIUS.

Habitat Sing Sing.
Who hides his little head by day,
And down the wall doth Slyly stray
At night to seek his human prey?
The bedbug!
Who watches from secluded nook,
The sleepy con with open book,
And says, "Tn get you, hook or crooky'
The bedbug!
Who. by the ventilator route,
, Soaquickly in and out doth scoot
Intent on gore. the little brute,
The bedbug!
Evening star., 1905-11-04
News Briefs.

Fire yesterday destroyed large depart
ment store building, owned by former Unit
ed States Senator Dietrich, at Hastings,
Eeb. The Stein Company Is the heaviest
loser, $5o,000 Several other buildings and
stocks were damaged, the total loss being
about 100000.
An alleged contract to send Italian labor
ers from the United States to the Hawaiian
Islands. which was rescinded because Japa-
nese labor was cheaper. was brought to
light in a suit begun at New York yesterday
for $2l 900 alleged to be due for securing
3000 Italians at 81 q head for GneonGnnt.
Evening star., 1905-11-04

A set of verses that IS exceedingly popu-
lar in Sing Sing, and has been since the
day It's proud creator sprung 1t on his ad-
mir!ng bench mates, also owes its popularity
to the fact that every inmate much sooner
than later-in fact, the first night he spends
in a cell-meet the condition set forth in
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1905-03-31

Easter is the promise of the Lord
that all the best and nobleSt in man
shall be renewed even as growth and
bloom and ripening shall not cease.
The bars of winter are broken. and the
iron bands Of death are riven. The
bird is on the wing, and the flight of
the soul shall know no WEAKNESS. The
lilies lift their holy white grails brim-
med with the sunshine of Gods love,
for has not the Lord manifested his
love in flowers and in the upspringing
of green things? They are sweet in
terpreters Of large certainties. Each
year the winter cuts them down. and
each spring they put forth again. Ev.
cry spring is a new page in the book
of revelation, wherein we read that
life is an eternal genesis and its end
is not. for it endureth forever.--Helen
Keller in Youths Companion.
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1905-03-31
Mr.. MOMENTS FIGHT.
Former Attorney General of ohtu
Ready For His Old Enemy.

Frank :. MOnnctt of Ohio has been
prtiiug OH his armor and furnishing
his weapons preparatory to anothe
contest with his old opponent. the
Standard oil company. Whoa the bat
tie against the big oil trust WAS started
In Kansas and taken up 10y opponents
OF the institution in other states those
who were active ia the conflict rccailea
the aHticorporatiOn record made b..
Mr.. Monnett when he was attorney
general Of the state of Ohio. ON aC
count of this record he was engaged
by the Kansas oil Producers aSSocia
ton us counsel In the campaign agans
the Standard He is in the full vigor oil
manhood. though il Is about eight years
since he reached the period of CON
parative uSelessness." according Il thu
0sler theory of the three ages of man
He was born in Kenton. o.. in 1851 and
was an ambitious boy Though he die
not have rich father to provide hin
with plenty of money. he determined e
obtain a liberal education. He entered
the Bucyrus High school. from which
he graduated in 1879. and after an in
terval. during which he taught school
he was admitted to the Ohio Wesleyan
university nj Delaware. During vaca
tons he worked on farms and in othe.
ways earned the money to enable hin
20 prosecute his studies. After gradua
ton FROM the Wesleyan university h,
went to Washington and studied at tn.
National Law school, graduating il
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1905-03-31
Famous Washington Dinners

Mrs. John B. Henderson of Washing
ton. who is always Il leader and who
gives some of the finest entertainments
at the capital, is now having vege-
tartan dinners exclusively. says the
Chicago Record Herald's Washington
correspondent There may be one
course of chicken or birds or fish. but
no meat eyer comes upon her table
She serves five or six courses Of vege-
tables. nuts ana cereal foods prepared
in most palatable way. A stranger
Mt her table would not know what he
was eating. and her friends are always
curious to know what Mrs. Henderson
will give them next in the way of nov
elites. She also serves only infer
mented wines, but her dinners are
quite as much enjoyed as any that are
given in Washington.
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1905-03-31

1882. He began practice at Bucyrus
aud had TO borrow the money which he
spent for his law books In time he be.
came an attorney for railway corpora
tons and their representative in legis-
lative matters.
But Mr.. MOnnett soon saw that the
laws of the state were being set at
naught by the corporations. and it be
came his ambition to make them OBJ
serve the statutes. In 1S9J he was
elected attorney general of Ohio and at
once began the prosecution of corpora.
TONS which were alleged to be violat-
ing the laws. He secured the enact
ment of the antitrust law Of Ohio His
conduct of his office brought him into
conflict with the Standard OH conlpa.
ny, and his battle with that corporation
made him famous Ii Is said that he
rejected an offer of $4,000. made on
condition that he would modify the
policy of the attorney generals Office
i'll respect TO corporations. He was re-
elected attorney general in 1897 and
accomplished much during his two
terms. but his campaign against law
breaking corporations did not produce
the results expected on account of the
unsympathetic attitude of the state
legislature on the subject Mr., Mon.
nett anticipates success in the fight
upon which he has now entered.
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1905-03-31
JAPAN'S SOCIETY LEADER
characteristics md htcNements OF
Marquis OynrA. vie.

characteristics md hteNemenfs OF
Marquis Oynrss VIE.
MarChi0neSS Oyama, wife of the Jap
aneSe Napoleon. is the Mrs. AStor ot
Tokyo. says the New York Press. \
precociouS high school pupil when on
ly ten years old. she won an American
education at the expense of Japan.
Coming to the United States in her
eleventh year. she was prepared for
NaSSar college in Connecticut pri.
waite school. ut twcnty-one was Vas
sar graduate. at twenty-five the wife
of Baron Oyama, and now. in her for
ty-Second year, is recognized rs the
most versatile woman in the empire.
She won fame years ago as an expert
fencer. swimmer and horsewoman. As
a student Of botany, zoology and for
eign languages she is in the first rank.
The marchioness is the foremost an.
thority in her country on Shakespeare.
Her intimate knowledge of German
and French quickly sent her to the
head of society in Tokyo. and foreign
ers of distinction who have attended
her receptions regard her as one of
the most brilliant Of women.
Despite her American education, the
marchiOmeSs selected England as the
school home for her two daughters and
a son. Marquis Oyama studied mill
tary tactics in Paris. taking a three
years course. The two years follow
ing in England in the observation of
the English army won him many warm
friends there. which was the prevailing
reason in sending the children to Brit.
iSh schools.
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1905-03-31

Blue eyes. o. course, Ike yours low
oddr-
Its old that any girl should care a
penny for me- responded churchill ~
'aP~ing into his former manner. Il i
not worth a."
lie lcg.n n pace -ritsSly M au /
down the s'r In. IN wiJ,.h exercise D..
was interrupted by the entrance n
some members 90 his class.
II may have been month after this
that Helen came early to the studio
again. hut this j. not To- say that size
had never done so in the meantime. \
peculiar fascination had brought her
there more than once. Why she csnc
she surely did not know. churchill
never seemed particularly glad to see
her. and their conversation WAS often
depressing. though Helen always Strove
o. lift ii To the highest level -: aspira-
ton aud artistic enthusiasm.
II she had amy comprehensive pur-
pose it WAS 10 put the man nj his hest.
Really she was fighting against the
! dolls face IN The g,ld frame. prh'" &
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1905-03-31

a ana uneven, led up to Stephen
~ Churchills studio They pre-
scented serious difficulties, espe-
cially on IL hot afternoon, TO so plump
man rs John Gregory. art editor of
the Traveller, and he paused ut the
head of the second flight and vainly
tried to fan hir,. elf with soft alpine
hat.
He was somewhat sensitive in regard
10 his weight, and so he made a thin
excuse for It's halt. pretending that he
had something to say to his companion,
Il brown eyed girl in Il white dress.
"Remembcr." said he as imprcSSively
as he was able with the breath that
was in him, remember that | am not
responsible for Steve Churchill. He is
a good artist and bad mana dan.
gerouS man."
I'VE have tlirtatiouS men at home"
said she. in that respect Mr.. Churchill
will not be Il novelty. But we have no
men there who could have painted The
Cliffs Edge 1t is Mr.. Churchill, the
artist. whom your little country cousin
wants TO meet. Lead on. Jack, when
you get your breath"
II despiSe these fellows who pursue
every pretty face" he began.
perhaps he wont think I'm pretty"
said she demurely. Besides. I'll tell
him right away that I'm engaged"
We'll. that may do some good" NUT
tered Gregory. "aS the sailor said when
he dropped an anchor with no cable
fastened to it.
There were other visitors in Church.
ills studio when Gregory and his collS-
in entered, and in the midst of them
stood the artist at his easel, hard at
work. He was man OF unimpreSSive
appearance except for his air of ear
/ nestnesS. He had blue eyes and light
brown hair, Il clear skin and fairly
good figure altogether Il commonplace
young man whose looks did not give
the smallest suggestion of his ability
unless one happened to remember that
genius is the capacity for taking inf.
mite pains" Churchill certainly had the
facial expression which would fit that
! definition.
He did not lay down his palette when
Gregory introduced him to the coun-
| try cousin and he seemed to take no
especial interest in her except at the
mention of the fact that she was an
artist. Then he looked at her Sympa-
thetically, as if Gregory had said that
she suffered from some chronic and
| painful ailment. Immediately he re-
turned to his work without Offering an
apology, but for several minutes he
continued to converse with Gregory
and Miss Talbot, wandering ever far
tier away from them until his voice
seemed to become inaudible in the far
background of the landscape on the
| easel
Helen Talbot laughed softly all the
way down the three flights Of stairs
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1905-03-31
BONUS FOR A CHAUFFEUR.
ene Auts Driver Gets sa.sssa salary
a. 70 uishap Nrrar>.

he a chauffeur aud earu SiwFl a
Year VA, tile brilliant future hrid oui
to Ihe I.i.-uli.-rs of the AutpUnliilr Cluh
Of Amerisa tie other night al their
meeting iu New York. There may lse
heaps of mooney la the plain. culinary
automobile kn>me>s. hut IIe rnad uf
the chauffeur II linei with r"~es. iis-
uratively. and with gold. literally. ac-
tur,ins L. t5e statements made during
au Interesting and NJ times humorous
GiScu ~~iau nu the subjects al garages
and ,-haunvurS. says tie New York
Times.
AIl.crt u Shattuck. eN-preSident OF
the club. who presided. MAS never IN
better story telling humlor. hut he cap
ped III. climax when toward the clos
Of the talk he said:
lit j. true that many clauiteurS are
cet,iu. far more than they deserve.
WIS. 1 know of a man i'm this city who
rays his chauffeur $50 "A mon h. an |
then ii his machine runs all nigh; he
gives linn $50 more"
\ gasp If establishment spread over
the faces of the hearers, ami. 10 record
ia" truth. there were looks of envy,
wonderfully suggestive of new arrli-
cations today rs smooth drivers of mo,
tor ears.
Yes" continued Mr.. Shattuck after
the members recovered their eluisihri-
I'm. that is $1,000 year, mighty gpoI
WAGES. and believe ii was this same
chauffeur who on his arrival III TINS
country was charged by the custom
house authorities with attempting tC
Smuggle in diamond ring worth about
S1OCU'f
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1905-03-31
WRESTLING IN CHURCH.
Epworth League Leader Finds 1t
Stirs Singers.

a. +. Lines of Evanston. ILL.,. has in
PRODUCED the innovation of whistling
at prayer meeting as an accompani-
ment TO the songs and as an act of de-
votion. He is member of the ZIP
worth League of the Emmanuel Metho-
dist church.
AT a prayer meeting when the sing
ing began to drag Mr.. Lines. who was
leading the services, requested the men
to whistle the accompaniment. and
they responded with such zeal that it
added new fervor to the meeting, says
an Evanston dispatch.
Il don't know why it is not as proper
to whistle" said Mr. Lines in discus
sing the incident las it is to have any
other musical accompaniment 1t was
only a generation or two ago that many
people believed an organ in the church
was an invention of the devil. and now
nearly every church has its organ"
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1905-03-31
Butchers, Merchants and Hide Buyers

Butchers, Merchants, Hyde Buyers
Should write to Carroll S. Page, Hyde
Park. vt, who wishes to purchase
their Hides, Calfskins, Sheep Pelts,
Tallow and Bones. He pays spot cash
He pays the frcights. He pays full
market values. He wishes to arrange
with some one in every village. where
he has no agent, to sell Poultry Sup
plies and to pick up for him Hides.
Calfskins, Sheep Pelts, and Bones He
furnishes money with which to buy
and he keeps his agents thoroughly
posted at all times as TO market values.
Write him for full particulars.
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1905-03-31
OIL kINe's GOLF VICTORY.
RarL-felisr Tossed His Hat In Air
aa- shs.Lt-d Nith delight

John 4. I:a-helrilrr's iaBE. sweeping
drive, ,,.uui,I very -i'~liNely in the
winning 81 f,ur-.,m- iiic "lhrr dag
wli-li h.. ald charles \. Murphy 81
I.likru ..,l y l.. played with MARSHALL
Tbrd. Ir. aud pr. Frank ;. Killings
If ,-hiragu om Mr.. Ro-k-iellrr's private
links al Lakewood, says the New YORK
Times. Mr.. Rorkefeller AMI has part
ncr won by up and = TO play. aud the
Standard Oil president was a. enihu-
sia>li,. over the victory as sclipolhoy
wl:u llad won hatful of marbles from
hI> companions lie InSScd his hat in
tie air aud Just bubbled over with de-
light.
charlie. these western folks have
something to learn about this game;
uutc gppI lit to learn. Don't you
think So:' rhurtled Mr.. Rnckefeiier To
his partner. 1t was a great match,
he added.
MIR. Rockefeller played slow and
cautions game. When lee stepped mp
10 the tee he made no fancy tlourisheS
with his driver. but got right after the
ball. His first drive WAS good lao
Yards. straight for the hole and clear
ing a cop bunker nicely. There was
a good deal Of calculation about his
approach shots. but once he had fiG
ured out nle distance ana the obstacles
to be overcome the oil king quickly
made his shot Mr.. Rockefeller was
strong on his long game. aud his part
npr supported him finely on the fail
green. This combination was too much
for Mr.. Field and Mr.. Billings. and 10y
the time they had reached the ninth
hole their opponents had things theii
B own WAY
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1905-03-31

How are ypu s,gtias on with your
music. ms DEAR inquired lady OF
her niecs
Well. Of course" replied the niece
difiideutly. lit wouldn't le proper FOR
NE 10 compliment myself, but some of
the ueighuors haze told me they have
stayed awake At night FOR hours listen
Ing % INV rlayIngr
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1905-03-31

a New York woman tells of an eX-
perience which she had recently in one
of the large department stores. She
was looking for some house furnish
ings and, walking up to one of the
lloorwalkers, asked where she could
see the candelabra.
"All canned goods two counters to
the left" answered the official guide
briefly Harper's Weekly.