Manchester Democrat. [volume] (Manchester, Iowa) 1875-1930, 1905-02-08

she-In your bachelor clubs what
Is the penalty for marrying? He
Observation-Disclosures Bits.
she-Did you meet with any cy-
clones out West? He-No; but one
caught up with us.-Yonkers States
man.
He-Has he college education7
she-oh, yes; he plays football golf.
and he's a crackajack at tennis.-Yon-
kers Statesman.
Gerald-Mamma, can you change Is
cents for me? Mother-How do you
wish 1t changed. dear? Gerald-Into
a quarter.-Puck.
what irritates man more than
to see a woman get off the car back
wardI" Give it up" Nothing
Cleveland Plain Dealer.
Think twice before you speak And
even then, nine times out of ten, the
world won't lose anything If you keep
still.-Somerville journal.
"How did the wedding come off last
night?" without hitch" "Glad to
hear it." I said without hitch. The
bride backed out at the last minute"-
Omaha News
Minnie-I must be losing my good
looks. Harry-Why? AIinnie-I sold
only twelve tickets for the charity raf-
fie, against twenty-one last year.-Chi-
cago Daily News.
ITO what account shall we charge
these new battleships?" asked the Rus
sian treasury official. 1.-THE sinking
fund.-" answered his superior, YEARLY.
Washington Star.
"Why do you keep two automo-
biles?" 81 use the second one to bring
along the things I'm likely to need in
keeping the first one in running or
der."-Chicago Record Herald.
Have no fear" said the sheriff to
the negro prisoner; you will be hung
according to law" Thank de Lawdr'
exclaimed the prisoner, 81 is ter die
nat'ral death"-Atlanta Constitution.
Father (who has been asked for his
daughters handl-Louise, do you know
what solemn thing 1t is to be mar
RED? Louise-oh, yes, pa, but 1T is
good deal more solemn being single.
Judy.
Artist lat work)-Now, give me your
honest opinion of this picture. Visitor
(who fancies himself critic)-It's ut
terly worthless! Artist (dreamily)-
Y-e-e-s-but give it all the same.-Lon-
don Punch.
Giffle-Dld you ever actually know
Of man making mountain out Of a
molehill? Spinks-Well. the proprie-
tor Of the hotel stopped at last sum
mer came very near doing it in his
prospectus.-Puck.
do you love your teacher, Wen
dell?" ut is scarcely to be expected"
answered the little Boston boy, that
one can love ones teacher, but have.
l trust, the requisite feeling of toler-
ance for her."-Chicago Tribune.
"Ah" said Mr. Borem. sitting with
her in a secluded bower near the
moonlit lake, isn't it delightful to be
out here alone2" "Yes, 1 was enjoying
It 80 before yau-eame... she replied.
promptly Ledger.
That's Mrs. Marrfmuch. our soci-
ETY. leader" explained the man who
knew. fAIy! you don't say?" replied
the plebeian; she's in half mourning,
isn't she?" Eyes. You see. three Of
her six husbands are dead."-Ex.
Doctor-You owe me bill of $50
Slowpay-Well, If I had job might
pay you. Can't you give me a job?
Doctor-What kind of job could I
give you? Slowpay-Well, you might
give me the Job Of collecting the bill.
Puck.
Two little maids of four and six
years, respectively. We're seated on
stool. Presently the elder of the two
said, reflectively: Don't you think
that IL one of us was to get up there
would be more room for me?"-Chi-
cago Record Herald.
Now, DEAR" said Mr.. Polkley, who
had just been accepted, when shall
speak to your father?" You needn't
bother" replied the dear girl. PA
said he'd speak to you tomorrow IL
you didn't speak to me Tonight
Philadelphia Public Ledger.
What is counter-irritant?" asked
Mrs. Smlthers. "a counter-irritant"
replied Smithers, sis woman who
makes the shopman pull down every
thing from the shelves for two hours,
and then buys penny-worth Of hair
Observation-Disclosures Mirror.
Mrs. Schoppen-I want five pounds
of sugar, please. Grocer-Yes'm; any,
thing else? Mrs. Schoppen-No, that's
all; I'll take 1t with me If it isn't too
heavy package. Grocer-Oh! it'll
only weigh three or four pounds,
ma'am.-Philadelph Press.
"rhat's the best l can do for you,"
said the theatrical manager. you've
been idle all season SO far; now, will
you stay idle the rest of the season, or
take this small part?" III take It,"
replied the comedian; "in this case
small role is better than whole loaf"
Philadelphia Ledger.
"By jinks!" said the man who keeps
track Of things theatrical. II would
like to see one prihla donna who can
sing as well as her press agent says
she can" "1f she could" says the girl
who also keeps track of the way things
60, her press agent would say she
sang a great deal better than that
Chicago Chronicle.
Grasped the Opportunity.
TeSs-Mr. Saphead give YOU a CAM