The Sauk Centre herald. (Sauk Centre, Stearns County, Minn.) 1886-current, 1905-06-15
AN ALLEGED BALL GAME
Fats and Leans Cross Bats on the
Diamond-An Awful Exhibition.

known the parties were playing ball.
He would have imagined they were
holding an oratorical contest or Civ
ing an elocutionary exhibition. 1t
was positively the worst exhibition
OF ball playing that ever took place
since Adam, Cain, and Abel played
lone Old Cat'' in the garden of Eden.
1t was a sort of a cross between the
delirium tremens and the seven year
itch. The thirteenth nine from
Burtrum could play the pick of both
aggregations, one man out to their
nine, and beat them a thousand to
nothing. The game resulted in a
score of Is to 16 in favor of one side,
nobody knew or cared which.
DR.. Moynihan was captain of the
fats. All the leans were captains, or
at least they acted as if they thought
they were. DR.. Kirghis was slab
artist for the leans. He thinks he is
pitcher but he couldn't get ball
over the plate if the plate was as wide
as the horizon and he should practice
a thousand years. Howard Adams
was backstop for the fats but he
! couldn't stop a clock with a hand
spike. DR.. Moynihan was the only
success. He didn't try to do any
thing and he succeeded beyond the
widest expectations of his friends.
The fats went to bat first. The first
ball struck was swallowed by Cal.
Temple, at least he had his mouth
open all the time and the ball was
never seen after it was hit. If Temple
could play ball as we'll as he can talk
he would have John J. McGraw
skinned to finish. Ernie Henderson
was the only ball player in the bunch
and he was so demoralized by his
surroundings that when he tried to
pitch he was pounded worse than a
piece OF bull beef in city boarding
house. Mel. Scherffius with a big
NIT, cavorted around center field. If
Mrs. Scherffius ever sees him playing
him hold their new baby. He couldn't
hold five dollar gold piece or catch !
the yellow fever on the Isthmus of !
Panama. DR.. McCracken used a pair |
of forceps to pull the ball out of the |
grass. Irving Emerson thought he
was playing foot ball and the first
time he got to first base he took it in |
his hands and ran to the pitchers |
box and tried to kick the goal. AL.
Fish claimed to be an old pitcher and
was put in the box. Everybody was
willing to concede he was an old
pitcher after he threw the first ball,
at least two hundred and fifty years
old. Nelson, the creamery man, the
first time he got the ball started down
town to put it in the cold storage. He
declared it was no use to catch |
ball if he had to give it right back
again. DR.. Lamb was cross all the
time because the boys would not let
him wear his full dress military
uniform on the diamond. Joe Kusba
made a clean hit. He hit himself
on the shin while striking at the ball,
and had to be trundled around the
bases in a wheelbarrow. The only
thing that the two mines ever agreed |
upon was that the umpire was the |
worst ever, but really the umpire was
the only good thing about the game.
The editor of the H era Id umpired.
The same teams will play, or at
tempt to play ball again the coming
Friday at four O'Clock. The chances
are they will play worse than they
did the last time, as the longer they
played the worse they got. The band
will be out. An admission fee of ten
cents will be charged for the benefit
of the band. Every man, woman and
child within ten miles of the city |
ought to turn out and see how the
game shouldn't be played.
The following are the names of the
walking sticks that thought they
could play ball:
FATS
Moynihan, Emerson, Adams, Nell
son, Kusba, Shea, Scherffius, Fish,
Palmer.
LEANS
McCracken, Kirghis, Ed. Powers,
Powers, Temple, Lamb, Henderson,
Schwartz, Ydskie.