Lincoln County leader. [volume] (Toledo, Lincoln County, Or.) 1893-1987, 1905-08-11
ONNN~NNNNNN


He-I hope you don't make a fool Of
your husband?
She-No; l don't have to.-Yonkers
Statesman.
Appropriate-A Southern cornetist,
named Burst, has three children Alice
May Burst, James Wood Burst, and
Henry VIII Burst.
So Natural.-Mrs. Cassidy-'Twas
very natural he looked. Mrs. Casey
Aye, shure he looked fur all the wurld
loike a lowe man layin' there dead.
Breaking the News.-Mlstress-If
you want eggs to keep you must lay
them in a cool place. Bridget-Oi'n
mintion it to the hens at wanst, mum
His Experience
Regarding a woman" said Henpeck,
ITO this said conclusion I've come:
When man puts a ring on her finger
He puts himself under her thumb"
Awful.-Uncle Hiram-They say
that the sun never sets on the British
Empire. Aunt Hannah-Doesn't it
now? And we have such lovely sun
sets over here!
Very Likely.-"Have you any taste
for Thackeray?" asked Mrs. Oldcastle.
mo, l can't say that ! have" replied
her hostess; sis that anything like this
paprika' they're putin in everything
now?"
Correct.-"Pa," said little Reginald,
what is a bucket shop?' "a bucket
shop, my son. said the father, feel
ingly, lis a modern cOoperage estab-
lishment to which a man takes a bar
rel and brings back the bung-hOle."
Insinuation.-Patron dn restaurant)
What are you bothering me for?
Head Usher-The gentleman at the
next table wanted me to ask if you
wouldn't please face the other way.
He says he was nearly eaten by an al
ligator once and can't bear to see you
eat"
The Realist-Alexis came home one
night with his clothes full of holes.
What has happened to you?" eXclaim-
ed his mother. "Oh, we've been play
ing shop ever since school closed"
Alexis replied. shop" echoed his
mother. Yes. We opened a grocery,
and everybody was something" Alexis
explained. 81. was the cheese"
Could Do Without It-"You remem-
Der that l gave an order for a pound
of liver a while ago?" Yes" was the
reply. well, l find that l do not need
It, and you need not send It." Before
she could put down the telephone re.
ceiver she heard the market-man say
to some one in the store: Take out
Mrs. Blanks liver. She says she can
get along without it."
Recommendable.-"My husband Is
SO poetic" said one lady to . ,ther in
a car the other days. Poor dear.' in.
terrupted a goOd-natured looking WON.
an with a market basket at her feet
who was seated at the lady's elbow
and overheard the remark. Have you
ever tried rubin his j'ints with hart.
shorn liniment, mum? That'll straight.
en- him out as quick as anything ]
know Of"
The Secret of Harmony.-Young
Mrs. Mead had just engaged two ser.
wants, a man and his wife. II am SO
glad you are married. she said to the
man. Il hope you are very happy, and
that you and your wife never have any
difference of opinion" Faith, ma'am
| couldn't say that" replied the new
servant, 'for we have a good many
but OF don't let Bridget know of thin
an so we do be getting along well.i
Generals Saved Him.-When Gen
eral Robert Z. Lee was fighting Grant
In 1.-The last days an old darby be
sieged headquarters with requests tc
see 1.-The gin'rar.' well, where dc
you belong?" demanded General Lee
II b'longs to y'r company, gin'ral," re-
turned the darby. mo, you don't
declared the General, sharply. Every.
body in my company has been shot
How is it that you haven't BEEN" Tit
darby scratched his head. Then from
his twisted mouth came a c%onfdentla'
whisper: well, yo' see, gin'ral. it's
this away. I amt been shot ease
when dey's a fight goin' on | always
stays with the gin'rals."