The Camden chronicle. (Camden, Tenn.) 1890-current, 1905-01-13

The Pessimist-It costs a great deal
more to live nowadays than it used to.
The Optimist-Well, it's worth it.
Puck.
"And l suppose you're very good
little boy?" That's w'ot! Wy, | only
got O. the reform school yestiddy."-
Judge.
Minnie-T must be losing my good
looks. Harry-Why? Minnie-I sold
only IL tickets for the charity rattle
against 81 last year. Chicago Daily
News.
Chauffeur-Is there an ordinance
limiting the speed of autos in this
town? Native-No; they can't get
through too quickly to suit u.s.
Brooklyn Life.
He is considered a clever finan-
cier, is he not?" "Why, where did you
get that idea? He never beat any
body out of anything in his life!"-
Cleveland Leader.
"Biffton didn't know when he was
we'll off" 'He didn't" mo; his sad
dlehorse threw him yesterday, and
the fall knocked him senseless."-
Cleveland Plain Dealer
''The doctors have ordered Bill1ins
to be quiet and under no circum-
stances to use his brain" but how
does he pass his timer" II believe he
Is writing novel."-Life.
when a persons 'wool-gathering'
that means he's lazy, doesn't it, pa?"
mot necessarily, my son! He may be
gathering the wool off the lambs in
Wall Street. philadelphia Ledger.
"How does Mrs. Closer stand in the
smart set?" "She lacks strategy.
Twice l have arranged to have her
jewels stolen and returned, but she
put me off each time Detroit Free
Press.
Il, sir, am a self-made man." "Ah,
that's where you show your strength
of character" ''Yes?" Eyes, fellow
with less nerve would blame it on
Providence. "-Philadelphi Plain
Dealer.
sympathetic boy Ito man far be-
hind)-Buck up, mister. You'll win
yet Disguised Competitor-Go
away! I don't belong to that lot in
front I'm the first man to another
lot behind.-Punch.
81 have been getting acquainted
with Balzac during the past summer
said the beautiful coed. Have your"
answered the captain Of the football
team. ''Is he soph or senior?"-
Chicago RecordHerald.
Mrs. n-Hunter-This is our new
piano, count. The tone, l believe, 10
perfect Will you not play for us?
Count Peanutti (absent-mindedely)-
Weez plaisure, Signora. Where eesa
da handle.-Philadelp Press.
Mr.. Skinflint-The paper says
skirts are to be worn longer than
ever Mrs. Skinfllnt-Well, you
needn't be fggerin' on me wearin'
mine any longer. I've worn it five
years this comm fall!-Harper's Ba-
Ear.
Clara-How under the sun did
Edith happen to marry Mr. Awkward?
Dora-He was the bane of her life at
every ball she attended, and pre-
sumo she married him to keep him
from wanting to dance with her.
New York Weekly.
Agent would like few words
with your wife, if you please, sir.
Man of the House-So should l, my
man, occasionally, but l have never
been able to hold her down to lees
than about two hundred q minute
New Orleans Times-Democrat.
"a man takes a great deal of risk
when he goes into politics, doesn't
he?" Eyes" answered Senator Sor-
ghum. 'Tt's very much like going
over Niagara Falls. You don't want
to attempt it unless you have go"d,
stout barrel. "-Washington s.ar.
Candidate ION arriving at PUNK
Vile to fill an appointment). Are
there any evidences of campaign en-
thusiasm here? Locsl Politician
Nothing to speak of. The other fell
lows hanged you in effigy last night,
but I believe that's about all."-Chi-
cago Press.
Lady CATER doing a little canvass
ing)-You know you are entitled to
a vote. Are you on the register?
Yokel-I'm sure | don't know, miss.
have you ever given your
name in? Yokel-No, Miss. | Gin't
never give my name to no one; 'cept
to schoolmaster, time o the corona
tiou food Punch