Alma record. (Alma, Mich.) 1878-1928, 1905-05-19
MIR. PHIPPS' HEN.
BY MAX ADELER.

Phipps, observed a yellow fluid of some
Kind issuing from the waterspout on
the smokehouse. Upon examining it
closely, he ascertained that IL was the
yolk of an egg. For several successive
days IL continued to drip from the spout,
and Mr.. Phipps was perplexed about it,
He hadn't noticed that the weather had
been raining omelet, or that there was
any particular quality in the shingles OF
the smokehouse roof chat would be like
ly TO induce them to indulge in spon-
taneous production OF custards. He
determined TO watch, and on the fol-
lowing day he observed his shanghai
hen fly TO the roof OF the smokehouse,
settle down right over the aperture of
the waterspout, and lay an egg. Mr..
Phipps had not the remotest idea what
TO do about il, so he let the hen lay on
for several days. while he thought of a
plan for discouraging her from operat-
ing in that particular spot.
One day, however. when he went out,
he found the hen sitting on top of the
spout manifestly with the impression
that an earnest effort would enable her
to hatch out the eggs she had dropped
into the pipe.
Mr.. Phipps friend, Rogers, who lives
next door, climbed over the fence and
advised him TO get ladder and pull the
hen off Mr. Phipps did so, and then
Rogers said if it was his hen he would
simply plug up the hole.
Mr.. Phipps drove plug in the spout
and descended. AS soon as he reached
the ground the hen flew up and began TO
try TO hatch out the plug. Rogers said
that he thought she might perhaps be
scared off, so he threw a piece of brick
al her. but il missed the hen and went
straight through Phipps' dining-room
window.
Then Rogers said that If he owned
hen like that he would stop her if he
had to blow her up with powder So
Phipps got four ounces Of gunpowder
and packed ii into the lower end Of
the spout, and Rogers touched il off
with match. 1t merely sizzled out
like young volcano, and set fire TO
Phipps irouser leg.
Rogers then said the powder ought
to have been 'tamped." So he put an
other charge in the spout, and then drove
white-pine plug in, leaving a gimlet-
hole for the slow match The expert
ment was in degree successful. There
was fearful bang. and the next min
ute Phipps' eccentric chicken was sail
ing up toward the celestial cOnstella-
tons, with a plug in her claws. She
went up almost out of sight, and then
she came down, down, down, and
lighted squarely over the spout hole.
expressing, by a cackle or two, her sur
prise, but, upon the whole, calm and
sweet tempered. and as resOlutely dis
posed as ever TO give her attention
strictly to business.
Rogers remarked that for a mere
shanghai chicken she had real genius
He said there was only one thing 10
DO now, and that was to turn the gar
den hose on her. So Phipps got out
the hose, and Rogers took the pipe and
played a half-inch stream directly on
the hen. The hen seemed rather TO en-
Joy it, for she cackled in a pleased way,
and Rogers told Phipps to turn the water
off, while he climbed on the roof to get
a better crack at her. So, while Rogers
was going up the ladder, holding the
pipe against his breast with one arm,
Phipps who must have misunderstood
him, suddenly turned the water on
again, and the stream struck Rogers in
the nostrils, nearly choking him and
causing him TO let go his hold on the
ladder, and rail- 10 the ground When
De got up be said man who would own
such a hen as that was in his opinion,
no better than a pirate and a pagan
and so he got over the fence and went
home.
Phipps went after him and apologized,
and then he asked Rogers to lend him a
shotgun so that he could kill the chicken.
Rogers agreed and he climbed back over
the fence with the gun in his hand
Phipps took the gun and fired He missed
the chicken and blew the entire cupola
of the smokehouse. Then Rogers said
that there were some men who knew
no more about firing a gun than tom
cat knows about idolatry. So Rogers
took the weapon, aimed carefully, and
pulled the trigger. About one shot hit
the hen. and the remainder struck a
COW in an adjoining lot, exciting her so
that she hooked a boy and threw him
over a fve-rail fence. The hen flew
up on top Of Phipps' house, and for a
quarter of an hour cackled as if she
had laid 200 eggs minute.
Phipps proposed TO fire at the hen
again. but Rogers sarcastically init
mated that If he did he would probably
hit Mrs. Phipps, who was churning
milk in the cellar. Then Phipps told
Rogers to shoot, and Rogers did so, with
the result that he missed the chicken
and broke eight panes OF glass in
Phipps' garnet window. Then Rogers
said Phipps must have spoiled the gun
by fooling with 1t, and he climbed the
fence again and went home. Just as he
reached the house, Phipps threw stone
at the hen, soaring her so that she few
down, sailed through Rogers kitchen
window. knocked two pitchers and a
. l.