The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1905-03-24
The Retort Courteous.

That is the retort courteous" said
the fool in the forest, when he qualified
the quip and crank to the lie direct The
man who can accomplish the retort
courteous gives splendidly the lie direct
to many an.awkward accusation, and if
his wit be bitter so much the more deadly
his point.
In the tune of Charles II. in England,
in an age of wits. the grand master Of
the art of retort was the crippled first
Earl of Shaftesbury. 'Shaftesbury,"
said the king to him one day, II believe
that thou art the wickedest dog in all
my dominions." 'Ofa subject, sire,
believe | am" was the reply. While
speaking against the test bill In the
House of Lords the earl overheard an
indolent churchman say, 81 wonder when
he will have done preaching?" The
orator whispered, loud enough to be
my lord"
DR.. Garth, witty physician of the
court of Queen Anne, had prescribed q
nauseous dose tor the great warrior,
Duke of Marlborough. When the duke
objected to following the directions the
sharp-tongued Duchess Sarah broke in
by saying, "Ill be hanged if it does not
cure" There my lord" interposed
Garth, you had better swallow it; you
will gain either way"
Repartee has ever flashed brilliantly
from the bench. Lord Mansfield, the
famous English judge of the second half
of the eighteenth century, listened to an
argument of the insolently proud Sir
Fletcher Norton upon a case involving
certain immortal rights. my lord"
said Norton, 81 can instance the point in
person. Now, l have myself two little
manors." eve are we'll aware of that"
said the judge, smiling kindly.
do you see anything ridiculous In my
wig?" said the judge to the famous Irish
barrister, John Curran. Nothing but
the head" flew back the retort.
The late Chief Justice Russell was hear
ing trial for bigamy. Whats the er-
IRENE penalty for bigamy?" whispered
barrister 1.-TWO NOTWITHSTANDING" said
Russell
Although the law seems to be especial
ly conducive to skill in fencing with
words, the church has supplied a large
quota of men who delighted in the give
"A +ol nf IoIr
bic DR.. Thomas Fuller, author of THE
Worthless of England" however, met his
match once when he propounded the
following question to certain DR..
Sparrowhawk: pray, what is the diff
ference between a sparrowhawk and an
owl?" why" came the response,
there is a great difference. An owl is
fuller in the head, fuller in the body and
fuller all over"
The eloquent Baptist divine, Robert
Hall, had a caustic wit. A fippant
young woman, having broken into his
reveries, in allusion to his fiancee, Miss
Steel, by saying, "Ah, sir, if we had but
polished steel here we might secure some
of your attention; but MADAM"
he replied, make yourself quite easy; if
you are not polished steel, you are at
least polished brass"
What are you going to do in life?'
asked Cardinal Manning of pert under
graduate at Oxford. ooh, I'm going to
take holy orders" was the airy response.
Take care you get them my son." came
from the prelate.
Horne Tooke is credited with this
daring retort to George III. who had
asked whether he played cards: Your
majesty, 1 cannot tell a king from q
knave. London Chronicle.