Perth Amboy evening news., 1905-10-13
JUST SOCKS" WAS
WHAT HE WANTED.

An ~sasy-gOing mar with a couple Of
double chins walked into one of the
big department stores the other after
noon, mopped his forehead and looked
around mildly as il waiting for some
body to notice him. A dapper floor
walker finally approached him.
Anybody waiting on you, sir?" in
CURED the fioorwalker.
"Nope, not yet" said the easy-going
looking man. I'm looking around for
some hose"
"Ah! Mr.. F~ourthfoor, this gentle
man is looking for you department"
to step into the elevator. Take him
up and show him our line of hose
The double-chinned man stepped into
the elevator after the clerk, and was
left off at the garden hose section.
Now, what size hose are you hunt
ing for, sir?" inquired the clerk, solic-
itously. We've got h~alf-inch, inch,
inch and a half, two-inch-all sizes.
Dye want it for
Say" broke in the e~asy-going look
ing man, I'm afraid you're a bit
mixed as to-"
"You want to water the front lawn,
eh?" cut in the clerk. Well, about
how many feet will you be needing,
and dye think the acknowledgements
SHELL"
wait a minute, will you, and I'll
explain what"
It'll pay you to get a good long
piece of hose, in case you move. you
know, to a place that's got a bigger
yard than the one you gave now, or in
case you wan to carry the hose
through the basement and water the
plants in the back yard. Now, there
are different makes Of"
chance to-"
Different makes of hose, and differ
emit grades. 1t pays nowadays to get
the best-the kind that's wrapped with
wire-so's mischievous boys who step
on the hose while you're using it can't
injure it. 1t costs a little more than
the ordinary kind, of course, but"
Look here, will you just dry up for
a minute, and let me-"
'Of course, you understand that we
guarantee every foot of hose that we
sell here, and it's not the kind that
get porous and leaky after you've used
it a few times, but it'll last you twice
as long as"
Now, see here, you, are you going
to-"
Its a good thing not to leave hose
out in the yard after you're through
using it, though, for hose ought to be
kept dry when it's not in use, and
coiled up, too, so as to give it a chance
to"
by jinks! you must be wound up
for "a"
"Of course, you'll want one of those
%splinkling attachments, too, so that
you can rest the hose on any part of
the lawn n let it do it's work auto
rnatically, and then you'll be want
ing
Hey. hey. you!" bawled the double
chinned man in a tone that could be
heard all over the floor, reaching out
and grabbing the garrulous clerk by
the lapel of his coat. Pull up for a
minute! Stop working automatically
yourself. Cut out the photograph con-
ycrsatien and gimme a chance for my
taw marble. Just listen to me for me-
eighth of a second, will you? How and
where in blazes didCyou annex the idea
that | was sailing around with a haunt
ed look in my eye, hunting for garden
hose? Have | got any hay in my
hair? Have l got that commuters
icok? Do | make you think of The
Man with the Hose?' Say, you, listen
to me some more! | didn't come here
to buy a lot of rubber hose wherewith
TO make a front yard soggy. l haven't
got any front yard. When l want to
get cooled off l have to sit on the front
steps of a boarding house. l never
said a word about harden hose, did I?
Say, did you ever hear OF hose hat
the stern decree of fashion ana GUS
tom makes us wear on our ~feet-socks,
stockings, s%tockinettes, the knit or
spun or woven things thai we wear
underneath our shoes? Hey, die ever
hear of those things anywhere? Did,
hey? Well, that's what / want. That's
what I'm around here hunting for.
That's what I'm rubbering around this
Cplant for-not for rubber hose or rub
Der anything else, but socks. l want
socks! Gimme socks or gimme death!
Now, how do you like to listen to a
little game of continuous performance
talk yourself on a hot day without a
chance in the world to butt in edge
wise? How do you like to stand and
listen to a hot-air spiel without any
end when the temperatures about a
hundred in the shade and still a.
climbing? Socks! Gimme socks!"
Then the double-chinned man paused
to gasp for breath, and the bewildered
clerk silently conducted him to the
socks Observation-Disclosures Star.