davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Monticellonian., 1905-08-17
Begged the Pope's Cap.

Writing from Malta to the Birming- ham tEngland) Mail lady tells an amusing story of young priest and the pope.
 Our archbishop" she writes. often takes parties of people to interview the pope. Our hospital chaplain, who is young and cheeky went two or three months ago. The pope asked him wha, he could do for him. and our priest re- piled.
 Holy father, will you give me your cap as a memeuto?'
 The pope said: Would you give the holy father cold in the head?'
 No.' said our priest. I have brought another to prevent that and he pro du':ed another skull cap out of his pock- ct He got the pope's own cap"
The Monticellonian., 1905-08-17
HISTORICAL BITS.

Cromwell is said to have originated the board of trade flea
 Sugar, when first introduced into Englana. was only used for the pur- pose of making medicines more palat- able.
 Wire drawing was invented r. Rudolph of Nuremburg in the early part of the fifteenth century. Wire was first made in England in 1863.
 Bombs, it is said, were first thrown March 24, 1880. on the town of Wach- tendenck. in Guelderland. The his torian Hone says the invention is commonly attributed 10 Gaalen, bishop of Muenster."
 In 1892. in England. butchers were compelled by law to sell their beef for a half penny pound and mutton for three farthings. The butchers of London sold penny pieces of beef for the relief of the poor, every piece two pounds and half, sometimes three pounds for penny.
The Monticellonian., 1905-08-17
FIFTEEN YEARS OF TORTURE
Itching and Painful Sores Covered Head and Body-Cured in
 Week by Cuticura.

For fifteen years my scalp and fore head was one mass of Seabs and my body was covered with sores Words cannot express how l suffered from the itching and pain. l tried many doctors and treatments, but could get no help. and had given up hope when friend told me to get Cutieura; After bathing with 66uti- ment for three days, my head was as clear as ever, and to my surprise and joy, one cake of soap and one box of oint- ment made complete cure in one week. Signed II. B. Franklin, 1l7 Washington St, Allegheny, Pa.'
The Monticellonian., 1905-08-17

{ OMMODORE Somerville Nicholson Al of the United States Navy, in !
 letter from S31 R street, Northwest, Washington, D. C., says:
 "Your PeruGa has been and IS now used by so many Of my friends and acquainfances as q sure cure for ca- farrh thar Ian, convinced or lis cars-' tive qualities and 1 Iunhesifafingiy rec- Ommend 1T 10 all persons suffering from fha complaint
 Our army and our navy are the atural protection of our country.
 Peruna is the natural protection of the army and navy in the vicissitudes of climate and exposure.
 We have on file thousands of testi- monials from prominent people in the army and navy.
 We can give our readers only slight glimpse of the vast array of unsolicited endorsements Dr. Hartman is con stantly receiving for his widely known and efficient remedy. Peruna.
 If you do not derive prompt and satis- factory results from the Use of Peruna. write at once to Dr.. $. E. Hartman, President of The Hartman Sanitariun, Columbus, Ohio.
The Monticellonian., 1905-08-17
TnsirnfEcant

Little Susie-I bet we're doin' to have sumphuu at our house tonight at you won't have We're doin' to have boiled carrots
 Little WiIlie-'At afu't nothja. My brother he's got the typdoid fever. he has Kansas City Drovers Telegram.
The Monticellonian., 1905-08-17
RECENTLY RELATED.

President Sprague. of the Union Dime savings bank, of New York. says that he was called up on the telephone one day and addressed thus: Is this the Union Dime savings bank?" Yes" Well, want to know If 8 non-unlon man can deposit in your bank"
The Monticellonian., 1905-08-17
Ponular Cake

During the June examinations at Bel grade university a professor saw the boys buying cakes in the campus He bought one and found that. like the oth- CTS, it contained the solution of one of the pfoblem".
The Monticellonian., 1905-08-17
BITS BY THE BABES.

A httle girl was called upon 10 reeite her piece before an audience. When she reached the stage she stood there without saying word At length she exclaimed: Papa knows it."
The Monticellonian., 1905-08-17

experience I thoroughly endorse your remedy. and am glad of the opportunity for saying so. Yours truly, gSigped1 MARY ELIZABETH LEASE.
 Foster Milburn Co.,, Buffalo, N. '. Sold by all dealers. Price, 50 cents per box.
The Monticellonian., 1905-08-17
Their First Cloud.

rbe young. woman in the stern of the ai1fle boat had whispered softly the wuu Yes
 Bg stay right where you are, she snas-i Hastily. "lf Nou try to kiss me yeuA upset the boat
 Hs# dc you know?a hoarsely demand ed Jack. horrible suspicion already talk sng possession of him. Chicago Tribune.
The Monticellonian., 1905-08-17

A four year-old Brooklyn child was watching the cook smelling peas. She was noticed to be deeply interested in the process. Finally she looked up all of a sudden and said naively: "Oh, let me unbutton some of them"
The Monticellonian., 1905-08-17
No Indication Yet

., And And. are you going Q make t, musician patted the professor $. baby on the cheek,
 'I don't know yet. replied the musical man.
 "Oh. no. of course you don't, for got. he hash any Eair yet. has he2'- onkers Statesman
The Monticellonian., 1905-08-17

writes:
 Dear Sirs: As m ny O f m friends have used Doan s Kidney Pills and have been ured of bladder and kid ney troubles, l feel it my duty to recommend the medicine to those who suffer from sue Il diseases. From personal
The Monticellonian., 1905-08-17

A well-dressed man who registered at a hotel in St. Joseph Mo, casually remarked that he never travelled with out his own fire-escape. at the same time exhibiting the contrivanee he carried Tn case of fire" he said, T can let myself down from any hotel window" The landlord said. gravely: "Our terms for guests with frees capes are cash in advance"
The Monticellonian., 1905-08-17

Mamma, said fve-year-old Nellie. "Td like to ask your advice about something What is 1t, dear2" Queried her mother. "After get through school what would you advise me 10 do while I'm waiting to be mar ried 2" asked the little miss.
The Monticellonian., 1905-08-17
International.

The agreement among Italy. Germany it."
 Yes
 Well, what's the pact between France and Russia called?"
 "A morbund, l suppose'-N. O. Times Democrat
The Monticellonian., 1905-08-17
If Cures While You Walk.

AlItn's Foot Ease IS certain cure for hp1. sweating. callous, and swollen, aching sss4 Sold by all Druggists. Price 25c. Don't accept any substitute. Trial package FREE. Address Allen $. Olmsted, Le Roy, N. Y.
The Monticellonian., 1905-08-17

A little girl called at d grocery and asked for quart of vinegar to be put in a gallon jug. This being done she asked for another quart to be put in the same vessel. Why didn't you ask for half gallon in the first place." asked the grocer Because answered the small shopper its for two different persons.
The Monticellonian., 1905-08-17
Plural

Belle-There goes Miss OIde.
 Bob-Is she a summer girl. too@ Bella-Not q sUmmar-about forty one summers.
The Monticellonian., 1905-08-17

h s unfortunate that petroleum has not Tncsed as etfectual in e&terminating mos sgnsises as t has in prepagatiug colleges. Washington Star.
The Monticellonian., 1905-08-17

tnt of the first microbes down Pan 5erna way To get in its work in the | mted Nates was that of The hat.-Ghicago Atlpniee
The Monticellonian., 1905-08-17
AMERICAS BRIGHTEST WOMAN
Hsry E. Lease Feels It Her Duty to Recom- mend Doan's Kidney Pills.

Mary E. Lease, formerly political a~ader and orator of Kansas. now snl hor and lecturer-the only. woman <vsr voted on for United States Senator.
The Monticellonian., 1905-08-17

May a law gets on the statute books s3d finds itself unable 10 go any iurther.- fBck
The Monticellonian., 1905-08-17

sm sure Piso's Cure for Consumption ssrtd my life three years ago.=Mrs. 1hos.
The Monticellonian., 1905-08-17

Yellow clothes are unsiehtlp. Keep them Nfase with Red Cross Ball Blue. All
 EIoeers sell large o.. package, cents.
The Monticellonian., 1905-08-17

If you use Ball Blue get Red Cross Ball Blue, the best Ball Blue. Large oz. package only cents.
The Monticellonian., 1905-08-17

It's an easy matter to gauge d man $ wisdom. Draw him into a discussIon, and if he agrees with you, oi course he very Wlse.
The Monticellonian., 1905-08-17

The future tense of the verb to love- is Ito get married so says a school. girl.
The Monticellonian., 1905-08-17

William H. Crane, the actor. says he first learned what true love is by &C., cidentally oyerhearing a brief eonver
 sation between a young man and very pretty girl. And you're sure you love me?a she said. Love you?" echoed the young fellow. Why, darling. while I was bidding you good-by on the porch last night your dog bit a large piece out of the calf of my leg. and l never noticed it till l got home"
The Monticellonian., 1905-08-17

Abe Gruber, the New York lawyer. visiting him Mir Graber wishing to be hospitable, brought forth whisky bottle and placed it on the dining-room table. He went to the china closet TO get some whisky glasses On his return he was surprised to see that his friend had filled up an ordinary water glass to the hrim and WAS about to drink it. Say" said MT. Gruber. what are you doing? You drink that as if it'were cider "Cider?" said the southerner draining the glass. do you think I'd take that much cider9'
The Logan Republican. [volume] (Logan, Utah) 1902-1924, 1905-04-19
In the Sprlno.

Lowndes, Mo-, April 10th.-Mrs. II.
G. Harty Of this place, says
For years | was In very bad health.
Every spring would get 30 low that
] was unable to do my own work.
seemed to be worse in the spring than
any other time OF the year was
very weak and miserable and had
much pain In my back and head.
saw Dodds Kidney Pills advertised
last spring and began treatment Of
them and they have certainly done me
more good than anything I have ever
used.
II was all right last spring and felt
better than l have for over ten years.
] am fifty years Of age and am strong
or to-day than l have been for many
years and give Dodd's Kidney Pills
credit for the wonderful improve
ment."
The statement of Mrs. Harry Is only
one OF a great many where Dodd's
Kidney Pills have proven themselves
to be the very best spring medicine.
They are unsurpassed as a tonic and
are the only medicine used In thou
sands OF families
The Logan Republican. [volume] (Logan, Utah) 1902-1924, 1905-04-19
PET CAT TRigs NUMBER.

Turns on the ces-Doa Won't Have n
and Saves Family.
Leonard Winkler's cat Is IN dis
grace and bis houpd, Sport. 10 living
on the fat OF the land because the
Winkler family II alive and well In
spite Of the attempt Of the cat to as.
phyxiate them. ~
The only victims were the chill,
dren's canary and a jungle fowl that
had been sent to Mr.. Winkler by an
exhibitor at the worlds fair.
II was the persistent barking of the
dog, Sport. that aroused Mr.. Winkler
early In the morning. Going TO the
kitchen. he was nearly overpowered
by gas.
He found that the cat had been
having the time of its life with a ball
of string, and in some way had got
II twisted about the handle that turns
on the supply of gas for the range and
had started the flow Of the deadly
vapor.
Whether the cat lost any of its nine
lives Is uncertain.-N. Y. Tribune.
The Logan Republican. [volume] (Logan, Utah) 1902-1924, 1905-04-19

and tenderness OF ovaries, are almost
always cured by fairly persistent use
OF DR.. 'Pierce's Favonte Prescription.
II in any case 1t should, In due time,
not seem quite adequate to meet every
phase Of some complicated case, DR..
Pierce always stands ready TO offer
valuable suggestions based upon years
Of varied experience which often proves
OF inestimable value, This be does en-
trely free Of charge 70 those using his
medicines. Address DR.. X. v. Pierce,
o63 Main Street, Buffalo, N. Y. JI'
On R Y. PisHoR Buffalo, N. T., .- b..
.nSs sSSd h.s ssHsAw h :aopl sus,s
WITH womb disease words cannot expresx-
Had distressing bes{tng-d down pains, painful
monthly. sickpess, bsckachc. constipsti ton.
Ill rundown. and there wss nothing left Of
me but shadow. After had taken eight
bottles Pr Pierce's Fsv9rits Prescription.
IL so%s Ss Dr. E Pssss: q s%.I
Pellets. was entirely cured I always keep
tho remedies on hand now, and recommend
them to all my fri'nda Y9nrs syply:
90 eth Street. Rensselaer,. Albany. N. Y.
There IL no opium, cocaine or other
narcotic in "Favorite Prescription.
Neither does IL contain alcohol, wh'sky
or other intoxicant.
II often happens that childlessnsss ID
due 10 condh' )ns which may be cor
rooted. Manyr'women have found that
Me vitality and vigor impaired by DR..
Perce's Favorite Prescription 70 the
womanly organs, has been the one thing
needful 10 fulfill the Joy Of motherhood.
This famous medicine is not .ure-all,
The Logan Republican. [volume] (Logan, Utah) 1902-1924, 1905-04-19
Vodka the sane Of Russia.

II Is well known that the Russian
people are extremely slow in all their
movements, Which has been attributed
to many causes. The latest writer on
the subject places the blame on the
national intoxicant, vodka, asserting
that 1t produces lasting and ingrow.
ing drunk; and, should the tippler DO
unfortunate enough to sober up be.
fore a week has passed, the slightest
rapid movement will reproduce an ex.
cellent duplicate Of the original. As
the Russian government derives a
large revenue from the sale of vodka,
there is stringent law against get.
ting twice drunk on one spree, and as
a consequence citizens must exercise
caution. The famous Russian baths
were constructed at great expense
both for punitive measures and as
means OF putting the consumer again
in the ranks.
The Logan Republican. [volume] (Logan, Utah) 1902-1924, 1905-04-19
WHO OWNS The RAILROADS,

II. T. Newcomb OF the District of
Columbia Bar. has compiled statistics
showing that Stats depositors in
savings banks OF six eastern states
are directly interested In the Joint
ownership of s442,354,0s6 of steam
railroad securities, that insurance
companies doing business in Massa.
chusetts hold sS45,SS9, 03S OF steam
railroad stocks and bonds and "A edu.
cational institutions depend on $47,-
46S,S27 Invested in similar securities
for a portion of their income. Other
hduclary institutions own enough
railroad securities TO bring such hold.
ing up to more than billion and
half dollars. about one. -ixth OF the
entire capital invested in railroad
property, These investments repre-
sent the savings of the masses, there
being twenty million holders Of life in
surance policies in the country, as
many more of fire insurance policies,
and an even greater number Of de-
positors In banking and trust lnstitu-
tons, where investments are largely
In railroad securities.
The Logan Republican. [volume] (Logan, Utah) 1902-1924, 1905-04-19
FEARED sURIAl IN TRANCE.
Unhappy Existence Led by Victim Of
Peculiar Disease.

peculiar Disease.
Tn one Of my voyages from Cane
Town TO England" writes Traveller.
Il shared my cabin with peculiar
man. whose name was Lazarus. He
made me promise that II he should die
during the voyage would prevent
his burial al sea. He said that on
previous voyage he had fallen sick
and was taken for dead and put into
sack for burial. A quartermasier
had been put on to watch the body
until II was time for the funeral
When the burial party arrived, the
ouartermaster informed the captain
that he thought the body had moved
In the sack The sack was opened and
Lazarus eventually came to life again.
Such was the story Lazarus told me.
Lazarus was thin man, with a sal.
low face. He had an enormous appe.
lite and appeared at every meal, to
which he devoted his whole energies.
The good feeling only seemed to add
to his corpselike appearance. One
evening, sure enough. when we were
about half way TO our voyages end,
he apparently died again. The doctors
took him in charge this time, however.
and he came out OF his trance without
any shotted.sack episode. He was met
at the London docks by a number OF
relatives and friends. all OF whom
looked as IL they might be suffering
from the same complaint"
The Logan Republican. [volume] (Logan, Utah) 1902-1924, 1905-04-19
At 70 Years Of ACE a Cadet.

1t is not often that man of seventy
years Of age goes to school. 1t 10
more rare yet to find one enlisted as
a cadet, drilling an hour each day
and taking a lively interest In his
military duties.
The latter, however, is not strange
when the fact is remembered that
this same cadet, William Standifer OF
Kinds county, Miss, is veteran of
the civil war was a gallant soldier in
the Confederate army and bears scars
to attest his bravery in many an en-.
gagement during four long years.
Now. in the sunset of his life, he
again wears the Confederate gray, and
steps as lightly forward to the stirring
music of Dixie" as any sixteen-year.
old cadet in the battalion OF 400 at
the Agricultural and Mechanical Col.
lege of Mississippi at Starkville.
The Logan Republican. [volume] (Logan, Utah) 1902-1924, 1905-04-19
.a0OBS7ZNATE CASES

but . specialists prescription, having
- single aim the cure OF diseases
peculiar 10 women.
Reliable dealers recommend Favor
lie Prescription With tricky ones,
something else. that pays them better
will probably be urged upon you -
Just as good" Perhaps IL is for
them but il can't be for yow. Some
saving may be made by purchasing our
medicines In half-dosen quantities.
II you are convinced that the Fa-
vorite Prescription il the medicine
you need, do not be cajoled into 40
ceptiag something else. The attempt
TO induce you to do 80 10 an insult TO
your intelligence, Turn your back on
the one who offers the afront.
DR.. PIERcH's PLEASANT PELLETS
Cure biliousness, sick and bilious head
ache, dizziness, costiveness, or consti-
patton of the bowels, loss OF appetite,
coated tongue, sour stomach, windy
belchings, "heart- burn, Z" pain and dis
tress after eating, and kindred derange-
ments OF the liver, stomach and bowels.
Persons subject to any Of these troubles
should never be without a vial OF the
iCuboit CiCep Nv hdhu. luoy 6I0
always adopted as a household rem
edy after the first trial. Put up in
glass walls, tightly corked, therefore
always fresh and reliable.
One little pellet is a laxative, two
are cathartic. They regulate, invigor.
ate. and cleanse the liver, stomach and
bowels. As q dinner pill" 10 pro-
mote digestion, take one each day. To
relieve the distress arising from over
eating, nothing equal: one Of these
coated, anti-bilious granules, scarcely
larger than mustard seeds.
Doctor Pierce's great thousand page
Common Sense Medical Adviser" win
be sent for the mere cost OF mailing;
paper bound for 81 one-cent stamps,
or cloth bound for 81 stamps. u . Q
grand and useful book. Address DR..
R. v. Pierce, 683 Main st.. Buffalo, NY.
The Logan Republican. [volume] (Logan, Utah) 1902-1924, 1905-04-19
NO TONGUE CAN TELL
How ! Suffered with Itching and
Bleeding Eczema Until Cured
by Cuticura.

mo tongue can tell how l suffered
for Ave years with a terribly painful
itching. and bleeding eczema, my
body and face being covered with
sores. Never In my life did l expert
ence such awful suffering, and
longed for death. which felt was
near. had tried doctors and medi.
cines without success. but my mother
insisted that l try Cuticura felt
better after the first bath with Cuti.
cura Soap and one application Of CUT.
cura Ointment, and was soon entirely
well. (Signed) Mrs. A. Etson, Belle
vue, Mich"
The Logan Republican. [volume] (Logan, Utah) 1902-1924, 1905-04-19
DYSP EPSIA YIELDS.
NINE YEARS VICTIM FINDS A
REMEDY THAT CURES.
Tor Two Years Too Weak tswork-A Dcssn
Doctors Had Tried To Check Disease.
Treatment That Succeeded.

Doctors Had Tried To Check Disease.
Treatment That Succeeded.
All sufferers from weakness or disor.
ders Of the digestive organs will read
with lively interest the story Of the com.
plete recovery of Mrs, Nettlie Darvoux
from chronic dyspepsia which was
thought TO be incurable, .sr -
"To be ailing for nine years Is not q
very pleasant experience, said Mrs.
Darvoux, when asked for some account
Of her illness. " For two years was
critically i'll and could not attend to my
household duties, and ut one time was
80 weak and miserable that could not
even walk. My trouble was chronic dys-
pepsia. 1 became extremely thin and
had sallow complexion. ] had no ap.
petite and could not take any food with.
out suffering great Distress"
did you have physician?"
Yes. took medicine from dozen
different doctors, but without getting
any benefit whatever"
"How did you get ON the track Of q
cure?"
"A book about DR.. Williams Pink Pills
was thrown in our doorway one day.
My husband picked it up and read it
through carefully. He was so impressed
by the statements Of those who had been
cured by that remedy that he imme-
diately bought three boxes OF the pills
and insisted on my taking them"
Ibid they help you at once?"
al began to feel better the second day
after I started to use the pills and by the
time I had taken the three boxes was
entirely well. DR. Williams Pink Pills
can cure even when doctors fail, and
they cure thoroughly, for long time
has passed since my restoration to health
and I know it is complete and lasting"
The surest way to make sound diges.
ton is to give strength to the organs oon-
cerned. DIR. Williams Pink Pills give
new vigor to the blood. No other rem.
edy yields such radical results.
Mrs. Darvoux lives at No. 497 Sixth
street, Detroit, Mich. DR.. Williams
Pink Pills are sold by all druggists In
every part Of the world. Dyspeptics
should send to the DIR. Williams Med
icine Company. Schenectady, N. Y, for
q new booklet entitled what to Eat
and How to Eat"
The Logan Republican. [volume] (Logan, Utah) 1902-1924, 1905-04-19
PERSONALITY OF "AUTocRAr."
Or. oliver Wendell Holmes Described
by Ono Who Knew Him.

Mrs. Rebecca Harding Davis writes
OF DR.. Oliver Wendell Holmes: "Physi-
cally, he was very small man, hold
Ing himself erect-his face insignia
cant as his figure, except for a long
obstinate upper lip Cleft to me- he
said one day, by some ill-conditioned
sreat-grandmother), and eyes full of
q wonderful fire and sympathy. No
one on whom DR.. Holmes had once
looked with interest ever forgot the
look--or him. He attracted all kinds
OF people as a brilliant, excitable child
would attract them. But nobody, I
suspect, ever succeeded in being IA.
miliar with him. l remember one
evening that he quoted one of his po-
ems, and | was forced stupidity to &C.
knowledge that l did not know 1t. He
fairly jumped to the bookcase, took
out the volume and read the verses,
standing in the middle of the room,
his voice trembling, his whole body
thrilling with their meaning. 'There!'
no cried at the end, his eyes flashing,
could anybody have said that better?
Ah-h!' with long in-drawn breath Of
delight as he put the book back
The Logan Republican. [volume] (Logan, Utah) 1902-1924, 1905-04-19
Train Too Fast for Coyotes.

The recent chase of a wolf by a
train on the Cheyenne & Northern
railroad north of Cheyenne was dis.
counted near here when engine 1857,
hauling a special fast freight, ran
down and killed two coyotes. The an.
imals were trotting along on the track
over a section Of the country that was
deep in snow. At the approach of the
train the coyotes attempted to jump
from the track but the high banks Of
snow prevented this, so they tried to
run away from the iron horse. For
over six miles the race continued be-
fore the coyotes were run down and
killed.-Denver Republican.
The Logan Republican. [volume] (Logan, Utah) 1902-1924, 1905-04-19
Wife Kept Too Many Cats.

Hans Keiser, when arraigned in
Yorkville IN. W police court on a
charge of abandonment and non-sup-
port made by his wife, Anna Keiser,
gave as his reason for deserving her
that she kept too many cats. He said
she kept fifty.
Mrs. Keiser admitted that she had
liking for cats. Before | was mar.
ried | had fifty cats" she said but
my husband was so particular that |
had to get rid Of about twenty of
them"
The magistrate ordered the hus-
band to pay his wife SO a week.