Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1905-05-19
Humorous

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Passing It On.-EIise-There's a
man at the door, ma, who says he
wants to ''see the boss Of the house"
Pa-Tell your mother. Ma calling
down-stairs)-Teu Bridget.
Fashionable Lady-Pm tax
ing four kinds Of medicine. How many
are you taking7 Second Lady-Oh,
medicines don't count Operations are
all the go now. I've had three.
How 1t Is Done.-"Josiah," said
Mrs. Chugwater, when one Of the big
battleships runs aground, how do they
get it OFF, "They pull it of with
tug Of war;" answered Mr.. Chug-
water.
When asked by her teacher to de-
scribe the backbone, Norborne school
girl said: 1.-The backbone is something
that holds up the head and ribs and
keeps one from having legs clear up
to the neck."-Ex.
The Swallows" Home.-School
Teacher-What little boy can tell me
where the home Of the swallow is?
Bobby kin. School Teacher-Wen,
Bobby? Bobby-The home Of the
swallow Is the .stummick.
Twins-"Quite an interesting thing
happened at Nupop's house last night"
There were two interesting things
IT only heard Of one; the arrival Of
a son and heir. What was the 9TH
er?' 1.-THE arrival Of another son and
heir"
Trying to Explain.-"Josiar." said
Mrs. Corntossel, what is these negli-
Jay shirts I see advertised in the bar.
gain salesY "Well. they amt quite SO
prim an scratchy as a billed shirt
that is to say. reg-lar hard-b'iled
shirt. reckon neglijay is what you
might call a soft-b'iled shirt"
| Good Invention on2-Inventor-I've hit
q money-making thing at last 1t is
church contribution box. Friend
What good is that? Inventor-Its a
triumph. The coins fall through slots
of different sizes, and halves, quarters
and dimes land on velvet, but the
nickels and pennies drop on a Chinese
gong.
| Lamb Renewed.-The proprietor of
a German menagerie keeps Gagged to.
gether a lion, a tiger, a wolf, and 8
lamb, which he labels '3The Happy
Family" When asked contidentially
how long these animals had lived to.
gether, he answered.: ""Ten months; but
the lamb has hadete be renewed occa
sionally."
Beats Them l.-Singleton-Dr
Pellet is certainly the most absent
minded man l ever saw. Wederly-Is
that so? Singieton-Yes; he was mar
ried last week, and during the cere
mony, when he should have placed $
ring on the brides finger, he actually
felt her pulse and asked her to put on,
her tongue.
Imperialism.-It happened at 6
meeting Of club women, who were set
ting various complicated information
al, national and civic affairs with theh
usual facility. do you believe in i'm
perialism" asked the speaker. Mrs
Strongmind rose instantly. I'm tht
family" she said. "I do" The ap
|plause was deafening.
Profitable Tree.-"No,, SIR" said DR.
Mixture, II would not have that tret
cut down for any money" But 20,
never get any fruit from it." argued
Mr.. Brown; ''the boys steal all the ap
pies from it before they are half ripe.
"Thats just it." replied the doctor
with a benignant smile, "that tre,
brings me in clear $1,000 every
year"
Reciprocity.-"These shoes, doctor,
said the cobbler, after a. brief exami
nation, 'ain't worth mending" ''Then
of course" said the doctor, turnin,
away, II don't want anything done t,
them" "But charge you fifty cent
just the same" What for " "Well
sir, you charged me FIVE dollars tn
other day for telling me there WASH
anything the matter with me-"
Sad-looking Mani see you have
sign out, Maker Of Women's Habits.
Do you mean it, Ladies' Tailor-Cer
tainly do. Sad-looking MAXWELL
since my wife's been going to the clul
she's lost all the good ones she had
and wish you'd make her complet
new set regardless of expense. An,
. please include the habit Of staying a
home once in while and mendinI
my clothes.
Always a Citizen.-He was YER
fond of travelling, and took great de
, light in Honizing different cities whic
we visited; but in one respect he wa
stanch John Bull-no power o.
earth could persuade him that whel
he resided in Florence, for example
he could possibly be called foreigner
} mo, ma'am." he used to say, 18th
. Italians are foreigners, but l am a.
Englishmanv'
Uncle Gabe addressing the crowd
! No, sub, gentlemen: The men il
,, my family are men. Don't none o
! 'em write poetry as know of. Youn
, Gentleman Poet-What is your objet
don to men who write poetry, may