The Barre daily times. (Barre, Vt.) 1897-1959, 1905-04-27
The Stupid Recruit

IOrlginall
Just before the opening Of the spring
Of 1862 a tail, lank, green looking man
entered one Of the camps Of the Con
tolerate General Johnston at Nash
vile, Tenn. and said he would like to
join the regiment He was turned
oyer to a drill sergeant, with instruc-
lions to try to make soldier of him
The Confederates were never con
spicuons for soldieriy appearance; In
deed they were best noted as fighters.
Yet Notwithstanding the want Of atten-
ton to the army regulations the recruit
at once became noted for being the
most unsohierly man among them.
The bump OF discipline seemed to be a
hollow In his head II was constantly
wandering from his command and
spending long terms in the guardhouse
for doing so. Though the sergeant
spent hours drilling him, the recruit
could never learn the difference be-
tween Garry and shoulder arms.
AT least If he did he was sure to forget
it the next day. On post he was con
tinually making plumbers. He was the
butt Of his regiment and the subject
for innumerable tricks.
One morning he appeared at his colo
nel's tent and told him that he had
been appointed spokesman for the en-
listed men of bis regiment to say that
they desired to be led at once against
the enemy. The colonel looked at the
man, astonished, then quietly wrote a
note, gave 1t to him and told him to
take 1t to the regimental surgeon. The
surgeon after reading 1t examined the
bearer for his sanity, but sent him
back with paper stating that he was
perfectly sane, though stupid
The recruit next appeared at general
headquarters and reported for order
w." It was never known whether this
was by mistake Ar Il Joke. but the
adjutant who made the detail was sent
back to his company for doing so. The
recruit attracted the attention Of the
the generals tent was vacant blum
dered into 1t and was caught reading
the generals papers. He was sent
back to his colonel under guard, with
a report of his conduct, whereupon
the colonel after considering the pro-
priety of ordering him before a court
martial, decided to recommend his dis
charge on the ground that 1t would be
for the good Of the service. But, the
Confederacy at that time not being
overburdened with powder food. the
general commanding declined to grant
the discharge on the ground that If the
man was fool he should be placed in
the front rank, where the army might
get rid Of him to purpose
One night when the recruit was on
outpost duty shot was heard coming
from where he was stationed and he
came running in, crying: "The Yanks
air comm! The Yanks air comin'r'
The long roll was beaten. and the com
mand turned out forming in line Of
battle. But no enemy came. After
waiting the attack for some time sklr-
fnishers were thrown out and found
the body Of the major, who had been
officer Of the day visiting the pickets.
He had been shot through the head.
The men were sent back to their tents,
and the recruit was sent up under
guard to the general. After considera-
BILE questioning the general sent him
back to his regiment under care of an
aid. The colonel was directed either
to have the stupid ass shot "by mis-
take or connive at his desertion.
The colonel chose the latter course.
He called the recrnlt into his tent and
told bin he bad decided to have him