davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Marietta journal. [volume] (Marietta, Ga.) 1866-1909, 1905-12-07
Answering Abernethy.

Although one Of the main charac-
teristics of the famous DR.. Aber-
nethy was the readiness with which
he could administer a sharp and
witty retort when occasion arose, he
was once considerably nonplused
by the remark Of a medical student.
"What would, you do" the doctor
asked the student at an examina-
ton, "if a man was placed In your
hands with broken leg"
"Set it, sir" was the reply.
Good, very good. You are a
witty young man, and doubtless
you can tell me what muscles of the
body L would move if I were to kick
you, as you deserve, for your I'M
peRtinence ?"
"You would put into motor" re.
piled the student, not in the least
abashed, "the feKOrs and extensors
Of my right arm, for | would forth
with knock you down"
The Marietta journal. [volume] (Marietta, Ga.) 1866-1909, 1905-12-07
GREELEY IN A RAGE.
To Old Editors Election Figures and
Placid Proofrsader.

Horace Greeley was a crank on
election figures and knew exactly
how every county and town in the
state was IN the habit of going. A
slight change in favor of his own
party would fill him with satisfac-
ton. One day he came into the Of
flee overjoyed that the Republicans
had carried Westchester county in a
local election. AS usual, he wrote an
editorial and put a comparative ia
bic compiled from the Tribune al
manac in the middle Of the article.
When the paper came out, next day
the figures were misplaced, the Re
publican vote appeared in the Demo
cratic column, and vice versa, so
that the comments did not at all fit
the case stated Mr.. Greeley came
down In a towering rage and in
whirlvind of profanity demanded of
the subordinate in charge whether
there was a proofreader on the pa
per and whether anybody in the of
flee had grain Of sense.
"Why, yes, Mr.. Greeley. You
know old man So-and-so is the
proofreader and has been for years.
But what il the matter"
matter! Blankety, blank, blank!
Matter Why, some blanket, blank,
blank has gone to work and changed
the figures in that Westchester arti-
Gle so as to make the blankest non
sense out of t."
Il don't think anybody would
have ventured to change your fig
ures, Mr.. Greeley. Don't you think
You had better look at the copy be-
fore pitching into the proofreader !?
You know he is very careful"
"I'll do nothing of the kind" said
the old man as he shuffied upstairs.
"I'll kick him out of the composing
room. won't be made fool Of in
this way"
Upstairs there was a scene very
ike That below, with the variation
that Greeley told the proofreader
that he ought to be kicked from one
end of the composing room to the
other. With the proverbial placidity
of proofreaders and their provoking
readiness for such emergencies the
man assaulted quietly went to the
hook, and, taking therefrom Gree
ley's own copy, held it under his
eyes, with the single remark, ''Read
that, sir"
Greeley did read it. There was si-
lenee for a moment, and then his
face assumed look Of mingled con-
tempt and disgust. Then he turned
around, with his back to the proof
reader, lifted his coat tails and said
loud enough to be heard all over the
room:
Here, Sam, kick me and kick me
till l hollerw-New York Mail.
The Marietta journal. [volume] (Marietta, Ga.) 1866-1909, 1905-12-07
PEBBLES dam.

The Scotchman told the story.
There were two old Scotchwomen,
Mrs. MacWhirter and Mrs. Mclean,
who met on the road one day, and
Mrs. MacWhirter says:
''Losh me, woman, yer far frae
hame the day"
"Aye," says Mrs. Mclean. Il
was just yont at PEBBLES. Sanders
MacNabb o PEBBLES keeps rale guild
ham. Dor John, ye yen, likes bit
guild ham and is aye yammerin'
ABBOTT the ham bein' owerfat and
owersaut"
"Oor Tom," says Mrs. MacWhir-
ter, "is the same way. There's nae
pleasin' o him wi his ham. Faith,
I'll haze to gle MacNabb trial"
So Mrs. MacWhirter journeys in
to PEBBLES, and she says to Sanders
MacNabb, the grocer:
"Gie's a pund o yer ham,"
"What kind" says Sanders, "wad
We like?''
"Oh, just the kind that Mrs. Nc
Bean gets" says the lady.
MacNabb smiled family.
"a RIGHT" says he. "Whaur's yer
bOttle?' -e..
The Marietta journal. [volume] (Marietta, Ga.) 1866-1909, 1905-12-07
A Letter Of Thomas Hood.

A letter written by the poet
Thomas Hood to my very dear Ma
rianne" changed hands at a public
sale in London the other day for the
consideration of $3.50. The letter
has the following quaint conclusion;
"There is a tale of little prince
who had a ruby heart, and whatever
he wished on it was instantly grant
ed, but it is not so with mine.
Neither have Aladdin's lamp, or it
should have been scrubbed bright
ere the Chelmsford ball, but now it
is dark lanthorn and the glory of
fairyland is bedimmed forever. Only
the fiery dragons remain, which are
many and fearful, and the black
cats and the demons and imps and
the ogres, who are the booksellers,
except that they have no eyes in
their foreteads."
The Marietta journal. [volume] (Marietta, Ga.) 1866-1909, 1905-12-07
COMING A JANlToR.
a Case of DiscipIinins and the WAY II
Worked Out.

One day Wilkinson got mad and
determined to discipline the janitor.
"Why is it." he said, ''that every
time anybody in this building loses
anything YOU ask US if we know
what has become of it?
because, the ianitor replied
''you are the only folks that never
lose anything"
The next morning arrived.
"We're short bottle of milk
Williamson shouted down the dumb
waiter shaft. where is it,"
II don't know, sir" the ianitor
answered humbly. "1Il see if | can
find it,
. why" said Mrs. Wilkinson, I'VE
got our milk"
Don't worry" said her husband.
"e course, he can't find it, but it
viii do HIM god to hustle and stew
little"
About fifteen minutes later Viii
knson, was summoned to the dumb
waiter. "Here,s your milk" said
the lanitor. ''I'm sorry | made a
mistake before"
Wilkinson was bewildered. 'Now.
where on earth did the fellow Get
it?" he said.
"He has taken it from one of the
neighbors," walled Mrs. Wilkinson.
1--WE will be jailed before we get
through with this business"
The next day Wilkinson COM
planned of the loss of a package of
sugar, which, though purely imagi-
nary, so far as the Wilhnsons were
concerned, very soont1fatertalized in
the hands of the resourceful janitor.
Even Wilkinson got uneasy then;
but, being bent on vengeance, he
subsequently reported as lost three
loaVes of bread, head of lettuce
and a bag of potatoes, all of which
were Immediately produced by the
janitor. Before further depreda-
tons on the part Of that worthy
were possible Wilkinson paid his
grocery bill for the month. When
he came home Mrs. Wilkinson, who
is a systematic housekeeper, care
fully scanned the itemized account.
"Why, they have made a mis-
take" she said. "They have charged
us for milk and sugar and things we
never got. You must go right back
and see about it."
Wilkinson went.
'It's all right" he said upon his
return. owe got the stuff. The
janitor ordered it."-New York
Post.
The Marietta journal. [volume] (Marietta, Ga.) 1866-1909, 1905-12-07
A Story Of MendeIssohp.

1t is related of MendeIssohn at a
public dinner, at which ladies were
present and where he was surround
ed by a chorus of aggressive women
clamoring for his autograph, that he
allowed himself to be victimized
with good nature until finally a
fleshy matron of mature years hand
ed him her card. Whether with
malice prepense or not it is not stat
ed, but the composer wrote upon the
card the music and words from
Haydn's Creation" "And God
created great whales" This brought
the autograph hunting to an end,
and Mendelssohn was allowed to go
on with his dinner.
The Marietta journal. [volume] (Marietta, Ga.) 1866-1909, 1905-12-07
Five O'Clock Tea In Japan.

AT a Japanese tea party the guests
sit on cushions placed upon the floor,
and the tea service consists Of tea
pot, cooling pot, teacups and a
hibachi to heat the water, says Home
Notes. The Japanese do not agree
with us in thinking that boiling
water should be poured over the tes,
so when the water is boiled little
of it is placed in the cooler and then
poured over the tea, which is allowed
to steep for few minutes. Boiling
water is then added and the cups
filed Green tea is used, but NO
sugar or cream ia added.
The Marietta journal. [volume] (Marietta, Ga.) 1866-1909, 1905-12-07
He Tipped" Him the Gloves.

1t is related of the famous Jonas
Hanway that, on being politely re-
preached by a nobleman for not
coming oftener to dine with him, he
replied:
Indeed, my lord, | cannot afford
it."
On another occasion he was pay
ing the string of servants, who, as
usual, appeared on the scene as he
was leaving the house he had visit
ed.
''Sir, your greatcoat," said one,
upon which he paid shilling.
"Your umbrella, sir" said sec
ond, another shilling.
"Sir, your hat" another shilling.
"Your gloves, sir"
'FWhy, friend" said Hanway,
''you may keep the gloves. They are
not worth shilling" london Tit
Bits.
The Marietta journal. [volume] (Marietta, Ga.) 1866-1909, 1905-12-07
MISTO0K HIS MAN.
Clothes Are Not Always . ReIiaEsis
Guide TO the Individual.

Guide TO the individual.
A certain eashW.hose disregard of
dress is quite sproverbial called at
his tailor's to pay his bill. A new
manager came forward to receive the
cash, and, not knowing his lordship,
took him for servant. He exam
ined the account, and, after receipt
ing it, slipped sovereign into the
supposed servants hand, at the same
time saying confdentially:
Chat is a sovereign for yourself,
and you know if you had only been
q little bit sharper it would have
been two. You don't get your mas
ter's clothes worn out half quick
enough. In that time he ought to
have had double the amount on that
bill, and it is really worth your while
to get harder brush"
With q half grin the earl replied,
well, I've always thought my brush
uncommonly hard, and anyhow his
lordship complains of it,"
Nonsense, CIRCULATED the mar
ager. ut isn't anything like hard,
but | can put you up to a wrinkle
that may even pass an occasional E5
note into your pocket. Just look
here moment. You see this bit of
stick that l have Just taken from
the shelf? Well, that's roughensd
on purpose. You take that and give
your masters coat good scrubbing
about the elbows every day and give
the trousers touch about the knees,
and it's at least good f5 in your
pocket every year. You needn't
think that we shall forget you"
"You are indeed very kind" said
the earl with a meaning smile. 81
may impart your very kind instruc-
lions to my valet, though I fear
while he remains in my service he
will not be able to profit by them.
As for the future | shall not trouble
you with my custom. I happen to
be the Earl of - l wish you good
morning. London Chronicle.
The Marietta journal. [volume] (Marietta, Ga.) 1866-1909, 1905-12-07

A Boston woman, after selecting
some embroidery in one Of the big
department stores, discovered that
she had not money enough with her
to pay for it. She had never opened
an account in this particular shop,
and it was therefore agreed that the
clerk should put the goods aside I'M
til the next day, when the purchaser
should come for it with cash in
hand. When the woman returned
the day following to get her en-
broidery she could not remember
which of the saleSwomen had waited
upon her. After puzzling over the
matter for a moment, however, she
approached one who looked vaguely
familiar and asked, Gam the
woman who bought some embroid-
cry here yesterday"
''Yes'm," replied the girl stolidly
and turned to get it.
The Marietta journal. [volume] (Marietta, Ga.) 1866-1909, 1905-12-07

''My ownest own lovey dovey,"
wrote the road hardened travelling
man, ''your eyes are as blue as hotel
cream. Your hair is as yellow as the
napkins, your teeth as white as the
butter. Your cheeks and lips are as
red as the face of the angry hotel
clerk when you have asked him the
second time in one day for station
cry. Your form is as willowy and
lissom as my collars on their ar
rival from a jay laundry, and your
voice is as low and, soft as the inau-
dible knock Of the porter at 2 z. K.
when you have warned him to be-
sure not to let you miss your train. f."
Baltimore American.
The Marietta journal. [volume] (Marietta, Ga.) 1866-1909, 1905-12-07
Absontminded.

I'm getting awfully absentmind-
ed lately" said light haired woman
in conversation with a friend on a
Chestnut street car. ''The things |
do in an absentminded fashion are
almost too ridiculous to repeat. No,
I'm not in love. Really, | can't ao-
count for my funny lapses that way.
The other afternoon / took a cent
out OF my purse to pay a newsboy
for a paper. | began to read the
paper, but the boy stood there and
laughed. | looked up to see what
was the matter and found that I had
given the boy my pocketbook and
was tightly clutching the penny my
self. Last night | did the worst yet.
| wanted something in the pantry
quite late in the evening, and as
there is no gas there lit a lamp to
take in with me- When / got inside
the pantry door | was surprised to
find that l was still in darkness, and
on coming out again / found I had
carried in glass Of water I had'just
drawn instead Of the lamp that I
had lighted"
Better take something for it,"
suggested the friend sympatheticaI-
ly.-Philadelphia Record.
The Marietta journal. [volume] (Marietta, Ga.) 1866-1909, 1905-12-07
Quite a Difference.

Horatio G. Herrick of Lawrence,
Mass, for many years sheriff of ES-
sex county, took a lively interest in
the schools of his home town.
Shortly after Garfeld's death Mr..
Herrick visited one of the schools
and made an address upon the life
Of the statesman. He asked:
'Now, can any of you tell me
what statesman is?"
A little hand went up, and a little
girl replied:
ga statesman is man who makes
speeches"
Hardly that" answered Mr.. Her.
rick, who loved to tell this story.
"For instance, ] sometimes make
speeches, and yet | am not states
man."
The little hand again went up,
and the answer came, triumphantly:
81 know. A statesman is a man
who makes good speeches."
The Marietta journal. [volume] (Marietta, Ga.) 1866-1909, 1905-12-07
An unasnerous Question.

The first slice Of goose had been
cut, and the minister Of the Zion
church looked at it with as keen
anticipation as was displayed in the
faces round him.
Oats as fine a goose as | ever
saw, Brudder Williams" he said to
his host. where did you get such
a fine one?"
"Well, now, Mistah Rawley," said
the carver Of the goose, with a sud
den access of dignity, when you
preach a special good sermon / neber
axes you where you got ii. Seems
to me OATS a trivial matter any
way"
The Marietta journal. [volume] (Marietta, Ga.) 1866-1909, 1905-12-07
Mxoninu,s Natural Bridge.

There is ia greenland little, lnown
natural bridge twenty miles south
west Of Douglass. Wyo., where LA
Piele creek breaks through, the foot
hills of the Laramie. mountains. In
the span of its aroh. IL is said to be
the greatest ia the world. tits Ia"
feet wide and rs feet above the
water. The stream flows through'a
canyon nearly 1000 feet deep. The
@ridge is ledge of rock near the
bottom of the canyon. Doubtless
once the water flowed over The ledge.
but in process Of time found softer
material below and wore its way
through, making the bridge
The Marietta journal. [volume] (Marietta, Ga.) 1866-1909, 1905-12-07
Sincere FIattsrx.

Melissa is tall, fine looking col
ored girl, and Mrs. Compton, with
whom Melissa lives as cook, is a
small, fair haired woman. THO mis-
tress entertains great respect for her
maids culinary powers, and Melissa
adores Mrs. Compton.
Il reckon rs dons learned an
awful lot since | come hyar to Lib,
Missy Compton" said Melissa tri-
umphantly one day. "I's done
learned how to walk an pear ies
like de quality folks when 1 goes
out. An now you's gibben me dat
handsome yaller pa'sol / 'spects nuf-
fin but dat de first time I walk out
under it de minister IL step up to mo
an he'll say, 'Scuse me, but am l
speakin' to Mis- Central Comp
ton Ply Youths Companion.
The Marietta journal. [volume] (Marietta, Ga.) 1866-1909, 1905-12-07
Very Tired Indeed.

II remained for a little girl to
nearly if not quite equal famous
witticism of Leigh Hunt. Of course
she spoke in childish innocence,
where the English essayist and wit
used his ripened intellect.
Hunt, in describing an exceeding
ly warm day, it will be remembered,
spoke of it as one which tempted
him to strip off his flesh and sit In
his bones.
The dear little miss had been
romping and running all day. To
ward nightfall her father met her.
"Are you not very tired, little one'"
he asked.
ooh, not SO very tired, papa" she
replied. Then in a burst Of oOnH-
dence she whispered, "Only L do
feel as though I'd like to take my
legs off and carry them awhile"
The Marietta journal. [volume] (Marietta, Ga.) 1866-1909, 1905-12-07
An Iuapertinent Poet.

"WhS," asked Mrs. 0ldcastIe, "did
your daughter break her engagement
TO that handsome young poet ?"
"He insulted us, replied her host
ess as she cOrelessly ran her fingers
through the pages of a $500 copy
of "Squints and Chances" 'In a
poem he wrote about her he said she
had lambert eyes, and josiah
wouldn't stand for that, because it
was an insinuation about us gettin'
rich i'll the meat business. Chico
90 Recprd-Herald.
The Marietta journal. [volume] (Marietta, Ga.) 1866-1909, 1905-12-07

Francis Bayliss, a historian of
note, on returning from meeting one
Thanksgiving day, met Nicholas
Tillinghast, one Of the most humor-
GUS and eloquent of the members of
the Bristol county bar, in the sit
ting room at Atwood's hotel. In thu
course of the conversation which en-
sued Mr. Bayliss said to Mr.. Tilling-
hast, 81 have deposited ten cent
piece in the contribution box, to be
placed on interest until reach
heaven" Mr.. Tillinghast replied
"Ah, yesl That will amount to a
very large sum, Boston Herald.
The Marietta journal. [volume] (Marietta, Ga.) 1866-1909, 1905-12-07

Perhaps the most extraordinary
reptile farm that was ever instituted
was one which existed for time in
Bengal. The government, wishing
to keep down the breed of that dead
ly snake, the cobra, offered reward
for every dead cobra which should
be brought in to a police station.
The willy Hindoo saw an opportunity
Of making money Therefore small
syndicate was formed and a nursery
for ccbras was established.
The Marietta journal. [volume] (Marietta, Ga.) 1866-1909, 1905-12-07

She was young lady of three and
she had not been behaving at all as
the authorities considered that
young ladies of three ought to be-
have. After a hectic day, during
which she had been scolded by the
whole strength of the company, she
went to bed and said the following
prayer. She was not annoyed at all,
merely anxious to end the unpleas-
antness: Please make me good.
And please make me good quick, for
goodness sake"
The Marietta journal. [volume] (Marietta, Ga.) 1866-1909, 1905-12-07
A Hard World.

mamma" said small girl, IF [
get married when grow up will [
have husband like papa |"
eyes, DEAR" was the answer.
"And if ! don't get married shall
I be an old maid like Aunt Sarah 2"
"Why, yes, dear, you probably
WILL" replied her mother.
The little girl sighed "Well, no
matter what we do" she said, "it's a
pretty hard world for us women,
isn't it2"--Harper's Weekly.
The Marietta journal. [volume] (Marietta, Ga.) 1866-1909, 1905-12-07
Real or Eanciees.

"What can 1 do for you, sirS"
asked the drug clerk.
"Well," replied the man, "my
room was full of rats last night, and
I wan"
eyes, sir" interrupted the bright
clerk, "bromP for yourself or strych-
nine for them P"-Cstholls Standard
and Times.
The daily Alaskan., 1905-02-20
PRIZE STORE
Britt Has Best Drug Store
 in the North

William Britt now has the best drug store north of the large cities on Puget sound. Situated on the principal cor ner of Skagway, large and well ar ranged and with an immense stock dis played on the shelves and in the show cases, it is a store that would do credit to any city in the land.
 Mr. Britt has just completed the work of arranging the stock in his store si ice the removal and the paint ing and decorating of the storeroom and fixtures. The result is pleasing 10 the eye and sets of the large stock to good advantage.
 In addition to having the choicest To- cation in Skagway and beautiful store it is a matter of pride with Mir. Britt that he carries everything that one can find in a firsL-class drug store in any city in the country.
 Merchants and others recently ar rived from the south, say Britrs drug store is not excelled in appointments, stock or appearance by the stores ot Seattle or Portland.
The daily Alaskan., 1905-02-20
MANY GET
 AWAY FOR DAWSON

Whitehorse. Feb. 2O-Two stages left for Dawson yesterday. One got swsy at 10 a. m. with Il passengers, and another at p. m. with nine.
 The outbound passengers were as fol lows:
 Mrs. F. W. Kirkpatrick, B. H. Svendsen, John Mcconnell, L. s. Robe' H. o. Robe, c. E. Bryant and wife, R. M. Lindsay, Miss D. Lambert, Harry Brown, Wm. Crowley and wife, F. H. Hamilton, Fred Klien, Charles Aiken, L. 0. Aiken, J. c. Kenniston and wife, H. Gregerson and O. Rokens.
 The two stages had l2S2 pounds ot mail and 2S3 pounds of express.
 A Dawson stage arrived at p. m. yesterday with l2 sacks of mail but no passengers.
The daily Alaskan., 1905-02-20
POPULAR YOUNG
 PEOPLE ARF. WE'D

Miss Mary Barry and Patrick Mur- ray, both we'll known and popular young people of this city, were united in marriage this morning at o'clock at St. Marks church, Rev. Father Tur- nell officiating.
 The bride wore a brown travelling suit and was attended by Mrs. J. G. Quinlan. James Barry, brother of the bride, was groomsman. The bride re- ceived many beautiful and costly pres sents.
 A wedding breakfast was served after the marriage ceremony at the Golden North restaurant. There were about 20 of the relatives and friends of the bride and groom present at the break fast
 Mir. and Mrs. Murray left on the train this morning for Whitehorse, where Mir, Murray is employed by the river division of the W. P. & Y. R.
The daily Alaskan., 1905-02-20
INTEREST IN HE
 RODGfR MEETINGS

Yesterdays meetings in the .Rodger services were of unusual interest. la the afternoon MT. Rodger addressed a large gathering of men from all walks of life. At the close of the evenings discourse many remained for the after service. At 3:30 this afternoon meet ing is being held for the children which will be followed by similar meeting tomorrow afternoon.
 The meetings will continue each evening this week, except Saturday.
The daily Alaskan., 1905-02-20
CAPITOL REMOVAL
 BILL PASSES

Special Dispatch Ito Daily Alaskan
 Olympia, Feb, 2)-Despite the strong opposition to the passage of the meas ure, the bill providing for the removal of the capitol from this city to Tacoma finally passed the house of representa- tives Friday by close vote. The bill needs but the signature of Gov. Mead before becoming a law. It passed the senate some time ago.
The daily Alaskan., 1905-02-20
NAMES NONE
Alaska May Be Unrepre'
 scented at Inauguration

Special Dispatch to Daily Alaskan
 Washington, Feb. 2O-Gov. Brady was invited to name two msn some time ago to serve on Gen. Chaffee's staff in the inaugural parade at the in- auguration of President Roosevelt. NU reply has been received from the Alas kan executive. Alaska and Oregon are the only parts of the northwest that may not be represented in the parade.
The daily Alaskan., 1905-02-20
BOWLING ON
 FOR TONIGHT

There will be five games bowled in the Elks' tournament tonight. W. w. Ward, I. NJ. Jensen and W. P. Renwick will meet F. c. Flsharty, George Si- menstad and J, M, Tanner for the pur- pose of playing of their entire series of games.