The leader., 1905-06-21
Mirandy on iMatrimOny.
BY DOROTHY DIX.
Copyright, 1905, by Americana Journal
Examiner.)

III i2huy 4unuy v uCoglOu ldcu ulS Hts
observed Mirandy reminiscently.
He axed me eff, in my opinion,
marriage was a failure.
" Dat depends, | spond, upon
whut you married fob. Ef you.
married becaze you thinks dat
matermony is a kind of a trance
Of bliss whar you, never is gwine
to be hongry no mo-, an nuthin'
lis gwine to rile you, an all you
got to do is jes set up an have
somebody hold yo' hand, an tell
you how good looking and peart
you is, eff dat's whut you specks
you is Citing when you ties up
wild somebody, den marriage is
sholy a failure.
''But eff you marries becaze
youse got a proud an haugty
sperrit dat needs, as de preacher
says, to be humbled and broken to
save you from de wrath to come
in the hereafter, den marriage is
de biggest sort of a success.
Gaze day amt nuthin' dat fits you
for de odder world lax wrastling'
wid matermony in dis, Yassum,
I'se been married to Ike nigh on
to thutty years, and purgatory
amt got no terrors fer me. Yas-
sum, dat's whut matermony is.
It's a preparation fer de troubles
to come. Yassum, it cert'nly is.
'Taint dat is opposed to
marriage. Naw'm. Fur from it.
I'se in favor Of it. It's. good fer
folks. It's lax desc here bitter
doses dat de doctors gives people
in de spring of de year, dat's
mighty hard to swallow, but dat
makes um feel mighty good, an
as spry an gay as a 2.year-oId
when it's over. OATS de reason
dat widows an widoWers is de
smillingest an de liveliest people.
An dey's de amiablest am de
friendliest, too. De ole maids an
de bachelors, dey's mos generally
sour an cranky, an de married
folks, dey's cross an grouchy,
but de widows an de widowers
dey's' jest as kind an durry an
peart as basket of kittens. An
de reason of it is-dat dey is done
gone and been took deir dose of
matermony, an it's kinder work
ed all de meanness out of deir
system, an lef' um feeling good
to ev'ybody. Specially as dey is
done got through wild it, an got
de taste out Of deir mouths.
"Co'se eff anybody is prognosti-
eating dat matermony is a through
ticket to heaben on dis yearth,
dey better not fool wild it. Gaze
dey's gwine to find out dat you
don't know how many faults emmy
body can have ontil you gifts mar
ried to um, an dat trials an trib-
ulations come to de married by
de peck, instead of de pinch as
dey does to de single.
'Of co'se dey looks fer ev'y-
thing to be mighty rosy, an dey
dreams bout love in acottage
widout ever thinking bout twins,
an de collie, an de rent collector.
Den de man begins to find out
dat he has to do chores after work
hours to keep meat in de pot, an
furdermo' dat he is dat skeered of
de lovely, angelic creature dat he
married dat he takes off his shoes
an climbs in de window lax he
was robbing hen roost when he
comes home late at night.
IAN de woman finds out dat all
she got out of matermony was de
chanst to wuk ten times harder
dan she ever did befo', an de
privilege of turnin' over de mon
ey dat she made taking in washin,
to d man Whut passes it over de
counter at de corner grocery for
red eye whisky dat makes him
come home an beat her, an bof
of um figures it out dat marriage
| is a failure, an nobody amt got
no call to be surprised at um.
DE funny part Of it is, dough,
dat nobody don't take no warning
from um. Yet ycu can tell a
married person an a single per-
son des as far as you can lay yo'
Ieyes on unn. Dey's des lax desc
here tbefo' an after taking
pictures. De ones Whut's married
is POI an seedy -looking. an wid 4
hang dog look, an dem whut is