Daily Kennebec journal. [microfilm reel] (Augusta, Me.) 1870-1975, 1905-06-17

Inc Selt-ma0e man.
Who is the blatant. bOastful one
Who hugs himself from sun to sun,
Although he be about half done?
Chicago Chronicle.
Just as the curtain went down at the
| end of the thrilling third act loud,
anxious voice in the rear OF the hall
called out:
rs DR.. Johnson in the house,"
Half a dozen men instantly rose up.
Il mean DIR. Samuel Johnson" said
| the voice.
Five of the men sat Gown.
Then, all at once, twenty or more
athletic young men looking suspicious
ly like college students, who were
| sitting in a body near the front, sprang
| to their feet and yelled in unison:
DIR. Johnson
Is no more!
He died I'm Seventeen
Eighty-fOur!
With zip zip, zip,
And a yaW, yaW, yaw,
And rinktum. bingtum,
Raw, raw. raw
vi! O., OO-OO- 90 Oop.'
Thereupon they sat down in unison,
| building, folded their arms and looked
at the drop curtain with a dreamy,
far-away gaze for this Eext five min
| utes.
AS for the owner Of the loud, anxious
| voice. he had disappeared at the begin
ming of the outbreak.-ChicagO Trib-
| une.
The following story Is being told "on'
| a Kansas City couple, whose marriage
| was announced recently. The young
man persuaded the girl to marry him
while they were in another town on an
excursion trip. They came home. and
for two weeks told no enc their secret.
One night they were playing bridge
| what with the girls parents. They
had decided to spring their surprise
| that night. and the young man was
trying all through the game to get up
nerve enough to do so. Finally he
screwed his courage up. In the middle
Of a hand he turned 10 the girls father
and said:
i've got something to tell you.
Grace and 1 were married three weeks
ago"
A look Of anger spread over the
fathers face. Glarins across the board
at the girls mother, he said:
Hang it, Hattie! What made you
lead that ace? You've lost US another
trick"
II. E. Buermeyer, the president of the
National Amateur Skating Association,
was describing banquet that he had
once attended in New York.
10 hon s..t4 Ssr~<x Ira
said. land l was one of the last to leave.
In the cloak room, as l was putting on
my hat and coat. ! couldn't help noticing
the woebegone look on the attendants
face. The poor fellow appeared worried
| and sad. and every little while he sighed
and muttered to himself.
You seem discOnsolate. friend, / said.
am disconsolate. SIR said the at
tendant.
What is the trouble?' said I. Haven't
| the guests tipped you well tonight?'
The attendant answered in an excited
| voice:
ITS not only. sir. that they haven't
tipped me. but they've taken the quarter
| that put in the tray for a decoy'"
A certain judge has a five year-old niece
| of whom he is very proud. few days
ago She came to him and said, with a
very serious air:
Uncle, there is question about law 1
"Well. dear. what is it?" patiently in
Quired the Judge.
Uncle. IL a man had a peacock and it
went IN into n another mans an yard and laid an
The judge smiled indulgently and re-
piled:
why, the egg would belong to the man
who owned the peacock but he could be
prosecuted for trespassing If he went onto
| the others property to get it
The child seemed very much interested
in the explanation, and then observed,
Uncle, did you never think that pea
cock couldn't lay an egg?"-Short Stories
A twelve-year-old West PHILADELPHIA
boy of lively ina ginatiOn was SD sure he
was sick one day last week that though
his father took him to the family physi-
clan. says the Philadelphia Record"
That wise man. after looking the young
Shook his head serionsiS and said: " lyon
son Is suffering from severe case of
hypochondria.
He then wrote out a prescription, tell
ing the father in an aside that it was for
two ounces of pure water. but If admins
tered by teaspoonfuls every two hours
would probably cure the bad case Of
imagination without harm to the boys
system.
At the drug store the father still ac-
cOmpaned by the boy asked to have the
prescription filled and also for a 20 cent
bottle of patent toilet preparation.
When he came to pay realizing that the
bottle containing the water would prob
n
handful of silver which happened to be
GO cents
The druggist gravely picked one coin
after another until only cents was left
This he pushed back and. seeing THAI the
customer looked surprised. said in ex-
PLANTATION. Twenty cents for the toilet
water and IS for the medicine"
"Oh. Is that all?' said the father, pick
ing up the five cents at last II thought
perhaps the nickel was bad"
At a meeting of the Actors Fund of
American Daniel Frohman talked about |
play writing. |
ITO succeed" said Mr.. Frohman. "a
play must have snap Literary men
when they write plays. forget this fact
They create dramas of literary hut of no
dramatic worth Snap is everything
"A literary man asked me the other day
to tell him what snap was i described a
play to him-a one act play-that was full |
Of snap.
This play opens" I explained. "in a |
drawing room. with a man and woman |
seated side by side on a sofa embracing
ca CHI other passiOnately
Into the drawing room stalks a man
with a grip and umbrella. OF course. the |
husband unexpectedly returned
1.-THE husband no sooner sees the cOupl,,
on the sofa than he whips out a revolver
and kills them hOth-her first him after