davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Washington times., 1905-09-10
She Saw the Point.
BY JOHN Y. SLATER, 4441k n Street
Northwest.

A short while ago tramp called at
the house of Mrs. Dawson, near Tow
son, Baltimore county, and asked for
something to eat. Mrs. Dawson told
him that she would give him a meal if
he would saw some wood for her
Why said the tramp, you couldn't
expect me to saw wood on an empty
stomach. Could your.
Como into the house. then" said Mrs
Dawson, land 1 viii give you some
thing TO eat
The tramp went into the house and
she gave him good square meal After
he finished he went out toward the
woodpile. y short while afterward Mrs.
Dawson vcntured forth to sec how he
was coming on with the saving. She
did not see the tramp but she saw the
woodhorse, with large log of wood
lying across il, to which was pinned a
scrap % paper on which was written:
Just tell them that you saw me;
But you didn't see me saw"
The Washington times., 1905-09-10
A Frightful Operation.
BY zAzEL COTTON, 12s N Street
Southeast.

A Washington husband came home
one evening not long since to find a
note left for him by his wife He opened
il carelessly. but as ne read his face
blanched-
MY goodness" he exclaimed how
could this have happened so soon?''
And, snatching his hat and coat. he
rushed to hospital which was near his
home.
II want to see my wife. Mrs Brown.
before she goes under the ether" he
said TO the head nurse. Please take
my message to her at once
Mrs BROWNE" echoed the nurse.
There is no Mrs. Brown here"
Then to which hospital has she
gomez" asked the distracted husband.
II found this note from her when L
came home" And he handed the note
10 the nurse, who read:
Dear Husband: I have gone to have
my kimono cut out BELLE"
The Washington times., 1905-09-10

born an officer and eventually became
general. Sir William c. Eustace. died
in February. 1850 He was born in 1773
In Dublin. mis- father General Eustace
being at the time commander of the
forces IN Ireland This yOungster was
gazetted to a commission a few hours
after his birth. Sir William probably
holds the record as a young officer. IN
less we include the case OF Molly Lepel,
who received a comets commission az
soon as she was born, and received pay
as such many years after she was maid
Of honor. all of which is vouched for in
the letters OF Horace Walpole The
commission was given TO her as a form
of pension for her parents.
The Washington times., 1905-09-10
Editorial Was ALI Right.
BY JOSEPH A. 1zuDD. Hysstsvslle, MO.

t<ANdfucu PRIZE or
Thomas Hart Benton was A. central
figure in Missouri politics for forty
years In that period he served five full
terms in the United States Senate. one
in the House of Representatives. and.
made an unsuccessful race for governor.
OF the six Senators of his line during
the eighty-four years of Missouris
Statehood. he and General Cockrell to-
gether held Office for sixty years.
Colonel Benton's denunciation of the
Jackson" resolutions passed by the
Missouri Legislature in March. 1919 split
the party into Benton and Anti
Benton" Democrats. His great intellect
drew around him many strong friends.
but his imperious will and irascible
temper made him many more strong
enemies His appeal from the Iegis-
iature TO the people was the greatest
campaign of public speeches of his life
IT was also an effort TO elect a Legis-
lature which would give him a sixth
term
Sims. of Cass county. a devoted fol-
lower and prominent member of the
Legislature. Sims said: Colonel Ben
ton. / was much impressed with an edi-
torial In the Blankyille News last week,
defending your record and fixing your
status among the foremost of Amcri-
can statesmen. 1t will doubtless have
far-resching effect as the News is the
most influential paper in the State. out
side of st. Louis
Yes. SIR said Benton. that was a
good editorial; wrote it myself"
The Washington times., 1905-09-10
Not Only Congressman.
BY A. q. BENNETT, Chief Certificate
Division, Pension Bureau.
awarded prize OF 81

tAWdrueo Prize OF SD
The Seeing Washington" car has
long since ceased tc be a novelty in
this city. but TO the tourist and visitor
it is an attraction not TO be omitted
Mounted upon its comfortable seats,
with the megaphone man in front, he
listens not only TO many interesting but
sometimes startling statements Such
an experience came 10 an appreciativs
audience during the last Inauguration.
as one OF these high-deckers wendell it's
way up Connecticut avenue. The young
man in charge, who. by the way, knows
a joke when he sees il, with foghorn
voice startled his listeners By announce
ing: The large building you see to
the right is the Grafton. one of the best
known hotels in this city. When Con-
gress is in session many Senator'S and
Representatives make their home there,
as well as many other grafters"
The Washington times., 1905-09-10
Baby Warriors Day Is Past.

But the day of the baby warrior is
past. There are too many refOrmers
looking for something 10 reform, too
many newspapers willing and anxious
20 expose anything that sayors of job
berry, for babies one day old TO get
commissions in the army-unless, OF
course. the recipient Of the commission
happens 10 be scion of royalty. as in
the case of the czarewitch. who was
appointed colonel Of more than one
Russian regiment long before he had
learned TO suck his thumb. True. we
have an admiral only twelve months
old-the infant Marques OF Donegal
to wit, hereditary lord high admiral Of
Tough Neagh, but the Office carries
with IT neither emoluments nor duties
IL is an obsolete naval command, which
dates from the time of Queen Elizabeth.
when II was necessary TO maintain
naval force on the Tough TO keep the
turbulent Jrishmen of Tyrone, Derry,
Armagh. and Antrim in subsection.
A baby warrior who was practically
The Washington times., 1905-09-10
MISTAKES IN PICTURES.

\ well-meaning artist OF the eighteenth
century painted a picture in which Abra-
ham was depicted as about 10 sacrifice
Isaac with blunderbuss. The actual
event which the artist had striven 10
depict antedated the use of firearms by
about 5000 years. There are also pic
lures OF the IsraelItes crossing the Red
sea, the men armed with muskets and
other Wea pons Of modern manufacture.
IL the matter of costume the early
painters found a stumbling block In the
Edinburgh National gallery is a picture
IN which Pharaoh's daughter and her
ladies are arrayed in the iong-waisted
bodiccs and hoped skirts common to
Europe in the sixteenth century.
In another picture Of the same date.
representing Joseph and His Kindred
in Egypt" which is hung in the ma
.ional collection in aL>ondon, there is no
trace OF the distinctive features Of
Egyptian architecture about the build
ings: they are all Italian in type In a
painting by Paolo Veronese in the same
gallery, THE Family OF Darius at tne
Feet OF Alexander After the Battle OF
Issus." the women wear pointed waists
and enormously distended skirts. al
though the incident occurred IN the year
339 r. 4. The artist was a Venetian. and
he drew the Venetian costumes of his
own period. 152S-sS.
Raphael. like so many others. drew his
Madonnas, his saints. and his martyrs
from Italian models and clothed them
in contemporary Italian costume. giving
the figures al a background the scenery
with which he was so familiar. IL was
only when travellers came visit the
holy land and sew the people there, un-
changed in sentiment. habit. and GUS
toms for centuries, that they came TO
realize that the pictures were wrong
Chicago News.
The Washington times., 1905-09-10
Knew She Was Ill.
By Z. L. MCLAUGHLIN, 4e I Street
Northwest.
awarded prize OF SD


Squire Henry Times related the fol-
lowing story in my presence at Nor
wich, Ohio. A salesman had come TO
the village on business and was stop
ping at the tavern This salesman was
a churchgoing man and went on Sun
day morning to the NJ. E. church. The
minister took for his text: And Simon's
wife-s mother lay sick with the fever
The sermon proved 10 be a good one.
In the afternoon he concluded TO go
to the Baptist Church he saw the same
man filling the pulpit and heard him
announce the same text, but concluded
to remain and hear the sermon again
The landlord informed him later on
that he could hear a good sermon
preached II he went to the evening serv-
ice at the old Presbyterian Church. at
the west end OF the village. so when the
time arrived he went there and found
large concourse of people. AS he enter
ed the church he saw that same preach
er and heard that same text: And
Simon's wife's mother lay sick with the
fever" repeated for the third time
Next morning at the station while on
the platform waiting for the train TO
come, the bells in the village all sudden
" began 10 ring. Coming down the plat
form was a man having a clerical ap-
pearance. and with a book under his
arm. II was that preacher. He said TO
the commercial man:
why arc all those bells ringing on
Monday morning.
The travelling man replied that he did
not know unless Simonss old mother in
law was dead. as he had heard it an
nounced in three different churches yes
terday that she was very low with the
The Washington times., 1905-09-10
Thoroughly Introduced.
By A. C. ouIsENBEzRY, Hyattsvile,
Nd.

The first time Eli Perkins, the alleged
humorist. lectured in Hopkinsville. KY,
he lad a large audience: but he went
away and roasted" the town in a news
aper interview. The next year he billed
the town for another lecture, and ar
ranged TO be introduced to the audience
by Col. Sam NJ. Gaines, then the editor
Of the Hopkinsville New Era, now a
chief of division in the Treasury De-
partment.
At the appointed hour Colonel Gaines
accompanied Mr.. Perkins TO the lecture
room; but when they went upon the
platform, they found only seven per-
sons in the audience Colonel Gaines
is himself an inimitable humorist. and
he at once saw and seized the oppcr-
tunity for n '-hit." Singing out a man
in the audience. he said:
Colonel Brown. permit me to intro
duce my friend. Colonel Perkins,
Colonel Brown gravely arose and said:
Good eveninr Colonel Perkins; am
very pleased, Indeed, 70 meet you. sir"
81 assure you that the pleasure is re-
ciprocal. Colonel Brown" responded Mr..
Perkins.
Colonel Gaines then introduced by
name. one by one, the balance of the
audience - Colonies Jones. Robinson,
Smith Redd. Wyte. and Blue. As they
were introduced. these gentlemen arose
and gave Mr. Perkins kindly greetin-
which he returned in kind; and then he
dismissed them. with the assurance that
however cruel he might be to the public
at large. he could not infiict one OF his
lectures upon an audience composed en-
tirely OF his personal acquaintances.
The Washington times., 1905-09-10
Situation Easily Adjusted.


awarded prize OF ST.
Speaker Cannon in his speech for COM
petent members OF the House Appro-
priations Committee, sadly misses that
veteran watchdog. Judge Holman, of In
diana.
One morning the judge was passing
through Capitol park on his way TO
his diurnal toll, when an aged place
holding constituent accosted him.
why. George. How'de Getting
along all right. ell, George"
We'll, no. judge. not exactly. You
see, I'm on the night shift. and the fell
low doing the same work in the day
time gets 80 cents more than I do. Now
you know. Judge. night work Is worth
more than day
You are right there. Geotge. Wen
have TO fix that Well cut the other
fellow down.
The Washington times., 1905-09-10

r T is often asserted nowadays that
our naval and military leaders
J. are too old for their work. that
we want younger men 10 direct
our heetS and armies, yet our naval Off
GERS commence their professional careers
AT twelve years OF age and our army Off
GERS when very little older.
A boy cannot very well commence
studying the difficult art of war before
he IL twelve, much as ne has 70 learn,
but our forefathers evidently thought
otherwise. for it is on record that in
the eighteenth century babies of three
were frequently appointed lieutenants
in the army, one officer. I'm fact, in
11.3 was given a commission on the day
he was born, and once upon a time
there was a lord high admiral of only
I'VE years OF age. These infantine war
riors, however. were not asked to go
10 war. the only arms they knew of
were those OF their nurses. In course
Of time some OF them joined their ships
and regiments. but they. or their par
.ents for them, generally took good
care 10 draw their pay regularly from
the day they were given commissions.
Thes military infants were regular
officers I'm his or her majesty's army.
their names appeared in the regimental
lists, they were entitled TO wear n uni
form and carry n sword, etc. and if
any common soldier knew that they
held commissions IL was his duty TO
salute them. We have no authentic
record OF such a ceremony taking place.
but 1t is very probable that they were
salYzed-after their nurses.
The Washington times., 1905-09-10
The Judge Was Startled.
BY ELAER JOHNSTON LUNDY, 1913
Thirteenth Street Northwest

Judge l. c.. Parker, who was for
many years a terror to evildoers in the
Indian Territory. was a participant in
many a wordy scrimmage, and only
once did he come off second best
On this occasion a lawyer, one J.
Warren Reed, was reading a beauti-
fully worded decision, but decision
which he had manufactured especially
for the case on hand
Judge Parker interrupted him and
said sternly: Mr. Reed, L don't re-
member to have seen such law as
that
Looking the judge square in the eye
Reed roared back: Il don't doubt it,
sir; I don't doubt it; there's a sight
more of the law you don't know any,
thing about
The Washington times., 1905-09-10
The Waiter Wilted.
BY WILLIAM EMERSON, I4oe Penn
sylvauia Avenue
awarded prize Of So

awarded prize Of So
While | was employed at the Hollen-
den Hotel, Cleveland, there was a local
man who came into the cafe every day
and eat meal costing two or three
dollars. He never gave the waiter a
cent. One day a New York waiter got
him. He said to the other: I'm make
him pay. Watch me-
We did.
After each course he would ask;
How did you like that
When finished eating. he said: Now
waiter. 1 am going to give you tip
The waiter was all smiles
IF you ever have the pleasure of
waiting on me again" he continued,
you can forget about asking me how
my soup. steak, etc. was, for in the
first place If they had not been salts
factory you would have heard me hol-
lering clean down TO the kitchen"
Then he started to leave the cafe
The waiter followed hina and said:
How about the tip you promised me?''
II just gave it to you." said the pa
iron, and it is a good one, too
The waiter fell into the nearest chair
The Washington times., 1905-09-10
Conditions of the Offer.

publication
eo THE WASHINGTON SUNDAY TIMES the following
who submit
incidents
oxe nd
Wilt
each
whc
In
Of
limt will coun a a awarding
Write egetyo
&nec6o on one O
Do of
envelope Each be consde
Under If
ampsa
ddressSE washfn Sunday Times
of De-
artnent of The Times.
The Washington times., 1905-09-10
BALLAST TRUNKS.

A styIishly dressed woman entered a
trunk stone ON Sixth avenue just be-
fore the closing hour.
Il want TO get some trunks she an
n0unced. IS the clerk came forward.
About eight / am going up the coast
for = few weeks. and all my last years
trunks are getting too shabby and
scratched TO carry along
The clerk bowed.
Step this way" he said, and / Will
Si-Ow you our complete line.
She followed him around mountains
OF trunks just from the factory. There
were all sizes, shades. and designs.
Now. what style would you like
asked the clerk.
''Oh. ! want about three regulars and
the other five ballast trunks
The clerk looked helpless
Excuse me-" he responded. L have
been selling trunks for ten years. but i
confess | never heard of a ballast
trunk "
You haven't?'' said the fair Gus
toner. Why I'm surprised. | thought
every one had heard of ballast
trunks a"
Wei. I'm one that hasn't. Perhaps.
though. il YOU tell ne what is carried
III them ! may understand.
Oh. any old rubbish YOU. have handy
RUBBISH"
You see, IL u summer girl wants to be
IN style she must carry along string
OF trunks. The more she carries the
more attention she attracts at the
hotels. Now, all girls haven't sufficient
personal effects to fill more than two or
three trunks 50 they get four or five
others and fll them up with anything
that comes handy. OF course the bal
last trunks need not be as expensive as
the regulars. but they must make a
lot Of show
And. selecting the regulars and the
nVe ballast trunks. she ordered them
sent around TO an unpretentious apart
ment house.-Globe.
The Washington times., 1905-09-10
THE WATER BOAT

In the harbor Of this city curious
Iow-decked craft with a single greasy
sail can be seen any day making its
way through the mazes Of docks and
ships. This craft supplies the larger
Graf; with fresh water. which is carried
in big tank below deck and pumped un
through a hose.
The other day a little boy on one of
the excursion steamers asked his father
what kiEG of boat it was.
Why. Bobby" replied his father
that is a water boat Now, do Won
know what Il is used for?"
Sure" replied Bobby
What. my SOM
why. there amt no water wagons
out here. 50 when the sailors want to
stop booZins they go on the water
boat. Globe.
The Washington times., 1905-09-10

also. the decision was for Hamlin's
client.
After settling up the claim Hamlin
sent for his client and handed him 81
What's this?" asked the English
man.
That's your damages, after taking
out my fee, the cost OF appeal, and
The English,nan looked at the dollar
and then at Hamlin. What's the mat
ter with this he said, lis IL bad?'
The Washington times., 1905-09-10
Hamlin's English Client.
BY WILL A. MORRIS, SIS Twelfth
Street Northeast.

An Englishman by the name OF
in Bangor, Me-, stepped in a. hole in
the sidewalk, and, falling. broke his
leg. He brought suit against the city
for $1,000, and engaged Hannibal Ham
lin. for many years United States
Senator from Maine. and Vice Presi-
dent during the civil war. as counsel.
Hamlin won his case, but the city
The Washington times., 1905-09-10
Minister Was Pleased.
By C. H. Nc ILAssON, 1885 x stree.
Northwest.
awarded prize Of 81

'-NNNueu pIlze OF Sl-)
Several years ago well-known Wash
ington minister, whose name | do not
feel warranted in giving, was engaged
to make the usual Easter morning adj
School. But great was the snickering.
anu even voiced disapproval by some of
the boys when. advancing to the front
OF the platform with his finger-tips to-
gether before him and most benign
smile wreathing his countenance. the
The Washington times., 1905-09-10
TAILOR GAVE UP.

Sir Walter Scott's writing was AZ times
not often-decidediy obscure. Taking
advantage of this, cunning rascal by
some means obtained possession OF a
note Of unGuestionaole illegibiltty writ
ten by the great novelist. and presented
it to Sir Walters tailor as an order for
a couple OF suits OF clothes The tailor,
recognizing his patrons signature, took
the rest for granted. and executed the
commission, only to find, on asking for
payment that tbs note was an answer
News-Trihune.
The Washington times., 1905-09-10

young public school boys went straight
from their classrooms as lieutenants or
captains TO take charge of companies
OF old. seasoned soldiers Wellington
himself was lieutenant colonel at
twenty-four, a rank seldom reached
nowadays before forty.
The Washington times., 1905-09-10
Not Acquainted With Sen
atOrs.
atOrS.
By A. L. HERRING, zya.tsvine, Nd.

awarded prize of SD
Two ladies visiting in Washington re-
proceedings in the United States Sen
ate- Nest OF the galleries being filled.
they approached the doorkeeper of the
Senator's gallery. where admission is
by card
AS they did not possess this pass
port. the .doorkecper suggested that they
procure one from any Senator they
might be acquainted with.
But we don't know any Senator. -
they replied.
well, it is very much to your credit. -
said the doorkeeper. Pass right in,
ladies'
The Washington times., 1905-09-10
An Active Fan.
By HARRY HILL, $3.50 Northeast
Market

Pat and Mike entered a saloon which
had one of those circular electric fans
on one end of the bar
Sure. Mike says Pat, there is an
awful draft in here"
Yes" says Mike. and if they dom
take that squirrel out OF that cage he
will run his head off,
The Washington times., 1905-09-10
Reeds Rainy DAY Story.
BY WILL A. MORRIS, 633 Twelfth
Street Northeast

awarded prize of SD
The late Speaker Thomas B. Reed was
fond of telling this story at his own ex-
pense. and which he called his rainy
day story"
One day on leaving his umbrella in
The Washington times., 1905-09-10

the stand at n hotel he attached TO it
a card bearing the following Inscription:
This umbrella belongs 10 a man who
can deal blow Of 80 pounds weight
shall be back in ten minutes"
On returning TO seek his property he
Dziennik Chicagoski. [volume] (Chicago [Ill.]) 1890-1971, 1905-10-18
Rome n0tatkI teIegTafiGzns.

- Zbr0dn1arZ6 ZD1eSn 70 SacnalAna
dopuszczaja sic r6znych zbrodni we
wschodniej Syberyi.
- Ma linii kolei syberyjskiej poja-
villa sic dzuma azyatycka. Pc tel lin1i
kraza obecnie pociagi, napelnione VOL
skiem.
= Filipinczycy czynia przygotowa-
mia, azeby godnie przyjat W Manih
Williama ]. Bryana, bylego kandyda-
ia ma prezydenta Stan6w Zjednoczo-
nych. ~.
- sledztwo wykazalo, re Andreas
de Wet Windhuk ME miai mic wspol-
nego z Boerami, kt6rzy zamierzali wy
pedzie Niemc6w Afryh poiudniowo
zachodniej. -.''
= w Koburgu ogloszono o slubie
arcyksiecia Cyryla byia ksiezna ha'
ska. Cyryl zamierza nabyt majatek
ziemski pedzie W MIN zywet przecie-
tnego szlachcica. -.
- Fabrykanci maszyn do szycia W
Niemczech- groza zamknieciem zakiar
dow, jezeli robotnicy ME przestana
grozic strajkiem. ..,. .s
- Arabscy rozb6jnicy W Marokko
wprowadzili dw6ch angielskichs Office
row i zadaja cd mich okupu.
= Andrew Carnegie ma nadzieje, re
miedzynarodowe wojny ustana. VIE
czny pokoj zapanuje mad ludzkoscia.
- PROXY balonem Lebaudy'ego
wypadiy swietnie. Balon unosil sic
mad forteca oficerowie ,wyrzncali z
niego pozorne pociski. Podczas wojny
balon taxi moze wyrzadzic nieprzyja-
cielowi wiele szkody.
= w Salt Lake City umarl Hirini
Whaang, byiy w6dz walecznego Pile
mienia Indyen Maori. Whaang zostai
mormonem W roku 1882. ..
- Do groserni Antonia Barbalvo W
New Yorku wrzuccno boInbe dynami-
iowa Garbalvo pred kilku dnismi O.
trzymai list, grozacy mu smiercia, je-
zeli ME zlozy $1,000 okupu. ~, -,
= w London, KY, "1ynczowano"
Negra, kt6rego sad liwolnii pod "a
rzutu zab0jstwa. .. 49,.
= Professor e. ]. James zostal wczo-
raj uroczyscie wprowadzony w urzad
prezydenta uniwersytetu w Cham
paign, Ill.
- Wfadza imigracy1na ME pozwoli-
la wysiaSt ma lad 25 letniemu Chin
czykowi kt6ry sic tutaj urodzii kt6ry
udal sic do Chin "a amerykahskim
paszportem. ow Chihczyk wyznaje
nadto wiare chrzeScijanska. p