Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1905-12-30
THAT OLD GAS BILL

The depressed-looldng man with tho
fumero aromatica that smelt like the bone
fertilizer works on fire was exuding the
wall
TITS no use." he said. gloomily. "You
can't get hunk with gas company, no
matter how many sleepless nights you put
in trying to frame up some scheme or other
to do It.
1.-THE gas company began to chase me out
Of my home about six months ago. They
started to h,lrl 81 and s. and even 50 bills
at me. and. as my shack only consisted OF
Eve rooms. and as. In addition. my wife
and take our dinners out. and only use
the gas range for cooking breakfast. I could
not discern 1t.
There wasn't any use going down to the
gas office and setting up the long moan. I
tried that a couple O. times. and the best I
got for mine was the husky chuckle from
the young man presiding over the kickerino
desk where the kicks are all unavailingly
registered.
Couple of months ago. when they began
to talk of raise in the price OF coal on
account of a probable coal strike next
spring, decided that 1t wuld be me for q
hike to the elongated cactus in the shape
of a boarding house. I couldn't perceive the
business of staying in business as a house
keeper, with coal and gas at figures that
would just about double my rent.
But I hankered with a big, deep hank
to take a bite or so out of the gas COM
pany, II there was any possible way on
earth of doing It,
"Only one way occurred to me, and that
was to try to burn about a thousand dol
lars worth of gas during the drear month
of November. and then store the furniture
and move to boarding house without pay
ing the gas bill.
II had it all doped out what fun I'd have
when I innocently went down to the gas
office and asked 'em to slip me the differ
ence between my November gas bill and
my little SO deposit.
80 the gas man had no sooner taken the
register at the latter part Of October than
l began to just eat gas in that house OF
mine. lit every jet in the house and just
kept 'em a-going day and night, with the
exception Of the Jets In our bed room. which
had to turn off at bed time. SOS we could
sleep.
Il kept the four flames In the gas stove
at full blast all the time, and the kitchen
was like the hot room of a Turkish bath.
But my wife, just as sore about those big
gas bills as l was, willingly stood for the
heat. You'll remember how warm the
month of November was here. Well, the
rooms of my shack were so hot from the
iblazng-tilt gas, going day and night, that
every ten or fifteen minutes so my wife
and I'd have to stink out into the back yard
for breath Of air.
WED sit out there on the back steps and
gloatingly figure on the dents we were polk
ing into the gas company.
CndTteQ IL out lndL we were consuming
about 1864 cubic feet of gas per diem, and
the mere thought OF this almost made me
delirious with happiness.
We'll. when 1 got home through the
basement door one evening along toward
the end of November I found the gas bill
for the month Of November lying under the
door.
Il picked 1t UP with gulp of Joy, pre-
pared to jes' laff in my glee.
Here was where I was going to play
hunkerno with that bloated monopoly!
We'll, the gas bill for the month Of No.
venber was $1.15. not including the dis
count.
That's ALL
Anybody who thinks he can pin the sign
of the ossified sausage onto the tunic of
gas company has got to put another point
dope. and that's no product of the Mongol-
ian muse. either"