Lincoln County leader. [volume] (Toledo, Lincoln County, Or.) 1893-1987, 1905-10-20
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The Old Story.-"But, papa, he says
he can't live without me-" Give us a
new one; 1 told that same story to
your motherv'
The Automobile Fright.-Sidney-
Why don't you talk as we rider Rod
ncy-Well! 1 can't think with my
hair standing on end.
No Escape.-Bell Boy (outside Of
room 65)-say, the gas is escaping in
there. Countryman Inside of room
56)-No, 1t amt; locked the door.
A Vacuum.-A pupil in Lynn
(Mass.) school was asked by his teacher
to give the definition of vacuum
II can't just describe it." said he, but
l have 1t in my head"
Wanted a Circus.-The Child-Are
you the trained nurse mamma said
was comingf The Nurseries, dear;
I'm the trained nurse. The Child-Let's
see some Of your tricks.
Those Foreigners.-Doctor (after
careful examination)-Som foreign
substance is lodged in your eye. Den
nis-Oi knowed ut! Thot's what o,
git f'r wurrukin wild them Dagoes!
She Whistles.-An Irishman asked
u Scotchman one day why a railway
engine was called she" Sandy re-
piled: perhaps it's on account of the
horrible noise il makes when It tries
to whistle"
"There She Blowsr'-On the voyage
a school of whales was sighted, and
the millionaire plumber rubbed his
lands in ecstasy. ny is he SO
happy" asked passenger. Because u
whispered the captain, "he imagines
each spout is bursted water-pipe, to
be repaired at regular rates"
What He Hurt.-A well-knowu
Judge fell down a flight Of stairs, re
cording his passage by bump IN
e. cry step until he reached the bot
tom A servant ran to his assistance
and, raising him up, said: 81 hope
your honor is not hurt?" NO." said
the judge, sternly, my honor is no
burt, but my head is"
Not wonderful!-He pointed out to {
newly arrived Paddy the grandeur o.
the Niagara, with the words, There
now! Isn't 1t wonderful~ "Wonther
fulp' replied Pat; whats wontherfulY ?
"Why, to see all that water conn
laundering over those rocks" 80
can't see anything wontherful in tina
what is there to hinder 1t from com
Ing overT
Goals to -Wife-What
, meant, John, by the phrase, carrying
Goals to NewcastleT Husband-It 1
, a metaphor, my dear, showing the dc
ing Of something that is unnecessary
Wife-I don't exactly understand. Civ
me an illustraton-a familiar on,
Husband-Well, II were to bring yo
home a book entitled, How to Talk
[ that would be carrying Goals to New
t castle.
The Way out Of It.-When preachin
fer public charity, a note was hant
ed up to the clergyman, asking If
would be right for bankrupt to COZ
tribute. Having answered that sue
contribution would be robbery, th
speaker added: And, my brethren,
would most strongly advise you, VIII
are not insolvent, to contribute thi
morning, since, If you are seen to pas
the plate, your neighbors will be SUI
to say, That's he! That's the banl
ruptr"
He Waited.-"Supposlng you wa
here In this comfortable seat by tn
elevator while match these two san
pies of ribbon" said Mrs. Mayfa
sweetly to her husband, who had bee
entrapped into going shopping wit
her. When she came back she sal
contritely: "Have I kept you waitin
an unpardonably long time, you POT
dearr "Oh, I haven't minded it
he said, cheerfully. 81 just jumped O
a car and ran out to the league ground
and saw most Of the ball game, an
then took little spin In the par
with Dorton in his new auto. Di
you match the samplesT "One {
them. It's so provoking. I'll have
}, come in again tomorrow, for thew aJ