St. Johns review. (Saint Johns, Or.) 1904-current, 1905-08-25
A Few Thorns.

To see if that would suit.
When Freddy's broken bones and
things
Permit him to wear pants,
He may go to a circus, but
He'll feed no elephants!
Mrs. Cake, of Portland, gave a
lawn party last week. Frosted, OF
course.
"a Pastor Cured by Pe-ru-na,"
says an ad. Cured of what! Maybe
we don't want to use il.
The Skamokawa Eagle says: 'It
is ell regle to wear wig" We
suppose the burned fool means en-
wiggle.
It's all right to yell "love your
neighbors" but to carry out the
injunction may create lots of trouble
in the family.
An Oakland married man has
eloped with telephone girl.
"!iellol Drop a nickel, please!
Lines busy now"
Seaside Visitors Light-hearted"
says the daily press. Also light
headed, (the blondes. Also light
pursed-everybody.
In these days of accidents on ex-
cursions about the only thing an
excursionist gets free is a nice
write up and funeral.
! II a Chinaman was anything
more he'd be human being. II he
was anything less he'd be nothing.
What good is he anyway
| A Colfax, Washington, man
laughed so heartily last Saturday
that he died. That must be what
folks style "tickled to death"
Dallas Itemizer says that local
horse owner is building a "nobby"
stable for his stallion. Evidently
the stallion is not a Smooth" one.
A real scientist now declares that
mosquitoes and whisky cause more
trouble than anything else OF earth.
Where does woman. lovely woman,
come inl
After a child is raised in one of
those baby incubators" shown at
the fair is Il the proper thing for
him To declare that his mother was
a Kerosene lamp'
Republicans Favor Root
shouts a Portland exchange. OF
course they do: they've been root.
ing for Roosevelt several years-and
still consider him.
Ever notice how a girl will spend
seven weeks at a scaShore at $40 per
week for the purpose of accumulating
bunch of nice mealy frecklcsp ? And
then consume seven bottles OF
Muggs' Face Polish to get rid Of
emp
The woman who wears gloves
from which every finger aud thumb
are sticking through the ends
doesn't appear half 50 dressed
up" as the woman who cannot
afford gloves--but whose hands are
clean. Does shel
An Oakland man recently went |
10 the fair To see II he could locate
his wildcat, which had been stolen.
We saw a mighty wild cat in the
oriental building the other day when
we refused TO buy some OF her stuff,
Maybe that's the one,
A Forest Grove man asks how to
kill weevils in dried peas. Why not
take each pea separately. tickle the
weevil with toothpick until he
drops To the floor aud then let an
eight-pound ilatiron drop on him
Wen wager that the weevil would
soon be dead.
III. &. West, of the L.aGande
Observer, recently wrote a note to
his wife he was tired OF life and
was To end il all; his body would he
found beside the beautiful Grande
Ronde, They hustled out after the
stiff aud found IL as he had said
here upon the bank lay his body
,old aud limp in drunkenness! He
Mas dead-drunk. This story ;
night be all right-but we never
,efore heard of a newspaper man
who drank
One of our readers asks how to
nave lighter eyelashes and how to {
.emove pimples. This is not a
'eauty column but suggestion
night not he amiSS. Put some I
gasoline on the eyelashes and then |
ouch a match to them. For ;
econd OF 50 they'll be lighter. As 1
or the pimples a good draw shave
will do effective work so will I
mall block plane. Or a coarse
,rade OF Sandpaper applied three c
lines day just after eating will be I
ound to scare the pesky things !
way II Il is persisted in. 4
In view of the fact that Portland 5
las offered SsS for a satisfactory a
yell for Portland Day" at the a
air, we submit the following. \
iodesty forbids us to declare that n
his is the hest we've seen-yet, =