The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-10-31
HUM0R or TIE DAY

/ HUMOR or TIE Day
Macbooth-In his new play AIannersdeld
carries realism a little beyond the limit;
Rant1ngton-ln what particular senseE
ond act be goes over a elm in an auto
mobile and then has two stage hands
carry him on stretcher in front Of the
curtain in order to make the customary
speeeh.-Puek
sure, hear ye're a happy father.
'sThen yez haven't heard but half NV it.
m two av them. It's twins. Cleveland
Leader
Chieago's new ten story police station
is to have a wireless outfit. What an
Improvement on the old method OF tip
ping or raid!-Puek.
snowch-Isn't that a Beethoven sonata
which that young lady is playing?
ddoweh-lt would be if some one else
played it.-CleVeiand Leader.
have with you when you go out for a
Automobilist-He my claim agent.
find it saves time and money to refer the
matter to him for immediate settlement
whenever run over anybOdy.-ChicagO
Tribune.
You will love me how long, dearest?"
American.
Lady-DOn,t you know that a barking
Tramp-Yes, but how am to know that
all of a sudden your dog won't quit bark
ing?-Detroit Free Press.
Little GIadys-Auntie. dear, do all the
people who die and go to the bad place
Auntie-why. no, child Why do you
ASK
teacher told US today that the heat was
in tents.-Judge.
DO you believe in government owner
4 don't know" answered Mr.. Dustin
Stax- Il don't see why the public should
be in any desperate hurry to take things
out of the hands of the capitalists and
intrust them to the politicians. wv ash
ington Star.
Yes" said D'Auber. the artist. patron
izingly, Il m selling my canyases now at
N.Y. exclaimed the young art student,
yes. ] suppose you'd give great deal
to be a great artist, too.
mo, indeed. I'd rather be you.'-Phil-
adelphia Press.
IT'S a great deal easier to preach than
to practice, some one remarked.
Il don't think So" chirped the young
lawyer. Il haven't had a client IN
months. ''-Detroit Free Press.
Il can't see why it is that some men
will go into rapture over a silly woman
said the fair girl to her chum.
who's been making love to you, now,
dear?"-Kansas City Independent
Tommy Jones-''You ask how boy can
best learn to be helpful to his parents and
his brothers and sisters
That's easy, Tommy. Let him become
the president OF a great insurance COM
pany. Cleveland Plain Dealer.
Why is clock like vain, pretty
I fail to see any resemblance. Why?"
Because it is all face and figure, has
no head to speak Of is hard to stop when
once it is wound u2 and has a strikl1g
way of calling attention to itself every
hour in the day. ''-Baitimore American.
some grocers," remarked the custom
er, ..have an offhand way of weighing su-
gar, but notice you're not one OF them a.,
"On hand way? How do you Heant
II noticed you kept your hand on the
scales just now while you measured out
that five pounds for me. philadelphia
Press
8Iistress-Do you work by systematic
Maid-No'm; I work by the day.-Bal-
timore American
Alinister-Do you take this man for bet
ter or verse, till death parts you2
Rride-I should prefer an indeterminate
sentence, 1 think.-Iudge.
Woody Riter-Tve always thought it
would be fine to be a poet.
Editor-It certainly should be fine. or
Imprisonment, or both - Philadelphia
Press
First Insurance. Finaneier (aftsr testify
ing nervously1-HoW did I acquit myself2
Second Insurance Financier (herceiy)-
There was no 1ury!-Puek.
'sI9en't you enjoy seeing man called
when he is bluffing7" asked the energetic
politician.
s'aEo.7 answered Senator Sorghum, It
cant say that I do. Every time a blum
[ is called people get more suspicious and
1 it is that much harder to make the next
one go through. Washington Star.
REFLECTIONS OF A BACHELOR.
IFrom the New York Press.
4 Good advice is seldom wasted un-
less you give it.
| 1t is easy work to convince a wo-
man if you try not to-
Half the fun Of getting married is
not knowing that you are probably go
4 ing 70 change your mind.
The way to be an optimist is to be
able to make yourself believe you like
to get up in the morning.
When a girl has a cute little ringlet
down around her ear 1t Is a sign she
knows she has got to be kissed there.l