davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The San Francisco call., 1905-01-29

th~ strenuous candidate was found to
be in Office with both feet, ard the
uther reEew nov here in sight.
j. Worthinston rubbed his hands to-
gether and congratulated himself that
at last the small boys and the dogs and
the shameless Sunday golfers and other
pernicious enemies of the national well
fare would get all that was due them.
In a warm glow of civic righteousness
and exultation he sat him down and
dictated a letter TO the recently elected
defender of the countrys liberty, assur-
ing him that he could have all the sup
port that J. Worthington could get to-
gether in the performance of the duties
of his Office and pointing out several
directions in which he thought a be-
ginning might be made with profit. For
example, ne mentioned having seen an
alleged guardian of the peace brazenly
and in the full glare of daylight abb
stracting chestnuts from the cart of a
harmless son of sunny Italy. Can such
things be tolerated in free America,
the birthplace of human liberty and the
home of the oppressed of all nations? ?
he inquired, in impressive chest tones.
Then he suggested that steps be taken
to improve the manners of street car
conductors. On numerous occasions. he
declared, he had been requested to step
lively by these hirelings of a soulless
corporation, and he thought that some
thing ought to be done about it,
The erstwhile candidate thanked Mr..
Grinderface for his interest and pro-
ceeded to get busy with the duties of
his Office. The first intimation that J..
Worthington had of the new District
Attorneys view of law breaking and
breakers was when he read in the
morning papers that various and sun
dry institutions for the investigation of
the laws of average and chance and
the promotion of the circulation of COM
mon or garden coin had been raided by
the aforesaid District Attorney, and
The San Francisco call., 1905-01-29

de blink wit dat jiu-jitsu. I'm on. 1t
was a long time before l was on top,
but when I'd took twenty lessons from
Mr.. Pauls Jap valet-and he's next to
de game began to get on top about
once in twenty times. Do you want to
know what dat trick is? De professor
what is loining de New York cops de
game charges a million yen-dat's
about five American Dlunk-a lesson,
but I'll put you wise for fun. 1t isn't
what you does to de odder mug dat
puts him out of business In jiu-jitsu;
it's what he does to himself.
Listen. Tommy" says to me fren
de Jap, give me lesson in dis Orien-
tai rough house, and I'll take you down
cial. Outing and Life Saving Club
Sure says Tommy, what his name
is Tomozo, so / calls him Tommy.
Well. he puts his little brown hand
on de lapel of me jacket, and he gives
it a soft little twist. and he smiles like
kid wit new football. Now" he
says. all you has to do is to get
away"
thinks he was getting funny wit me,
but he says dat of course If a crook
was took soft and gentle like dat, he'd
try to get away, and l was to try like
l was crook, and a cop had me by de
lapel. Just to please him / gives a
student solid jerk, for to loose meself,
and
Honest, when / next thinks of tings
was on me back trying to coax some
breat' in me body, and wondering had
] any neck at ALL Are you on? Easy
as lying; all de little Jap done was to
hold his hand in de way dat I'd force
his knuckles in me own wind pipe. De
more tried to get away de more his
nice little hand sunk in me wind pipe.
De stronger de man dat tries to duck
jiu- -jitsu, de woise he is up against IT..
Dat trick Tommy showed me is one of
a hundred and fifty, and is de easiest
of all. When he puts his nice, little,
The San Francisco call., 1905-01-29

soft brown hand on your wrist in a
soitan way, and you try to get loose,
if you try hard enough you truns your
elbow out Of joint; and his hand on
your arm will make you dislocate your
shoulder-if you try to get away. Now
you are getting wise, eh? It's de mus
Gle you puts into de game dat puts you
out of It.
l hear dat de President is going in
for de game. He should. 1t belongs to
de simple life he longs to lead. OATS
no joke. It's de simplest ting you
know-when you know 1t.
I reads everything de President reads,
when / know what he reads, so when I
hears lad on Sizt avenue giving de
cry: Here's your Simple Life, rec
commended by de President, and writ
by Wagner, de autor of 'Parsifal,' only
a nickel. half a dime, here you are!'
/ pungles de price and sinks de book in
me kick to read dat night.
Say, dat Wagner Is all to de good.
He has de wisest coco on his shoulders
dat ever discovered great trutes II
you're next to his line of life you don't
need nottin but tree square meals a
day. a good home, plenty of golf and
hockey and q pint of beer now and
den, to be perfectly happy.
Listen. He says, in dis book I'm tell
ing you about, dat IL we are always
calm we will never get excited. Can
you beat dat? Can you? Let not de
small Affections of life bodder you," he
says, for If dey do not bodder you,
you are not boddered by dem" Say, is
dat great? 1t is de limit? What!
But dat isn't all he knows. He's a
top-liuer, and knows 1t all. do not
hold malice" he says. ITO hold malice
makes man unhappy, and to be unhap-
py Is to be miserable. and to be mis-
erable is to hold malice; therefore," he
says, do not hold malice" Is he a
peen?
Dis mug Wagner is no frenzied finan-
The San Francisco call., 1905-01-29

on in a short while, and he advised me
to burn the rails to Colorado. without
loss of time and cuddle down with the
OLD man. 1t was me to Leadville on
this straight tip.
l reached the great mining camp.
high up in the mountains. the posses
Sor of 81 so and some hand baggage.
The gigantic foundry, that had gone
daffy for want of hands, was miser-
able board shack containing Old Man
Thomas and one detected looking
molder prodding around in some half
frozen sand. The old man was star
tied to see me and he choked and
spat copiously when l reeled off the
pipe dream his son had smoked for
my benefit at Omaha. Maybe the boss
had blown his bugle by letter and the
son was innocent of pipey deeds. Any
how, there wasn't enough work to
keep the foreman and his hired man
warm.
However, the prospect didn't daze
me. l was dazed already, having
been two days and nights in day
kindly forsook his job and volunteered
TO help me find a cheap place in which
TO slumber a few paragraphs; he
would do that much for old times
sake. We found lodgings over keno
joint, and I had no sooner turned in
than the old man was back, humping
at my boudoir door. The detected
looking molder Mr.. Thomas had left
at the shack shop knew the foreman's
son was coming on from Omaha. Mis-
taking me for that favored offspring,
the detected mechanic jumped his job
rather than wait and be fred In the
evening. He was a proud and naughty
spirit. anyhow The old man came
hustling back to tell me this, and, be-
cause | needed the money. | crawled
out Of bed and went to work at So
day. Some people are born to luck
and others stumble into ii while walk
ing in their sleep.
Business picked up bit by the time
the son arrived, and the boss found
WORK for us all. But there was an
other less fortunate victim of this
gigantic foundry swindle. This was
Mr. r. Jones. furnace tender, VINO
had worked with us at Omaha. Like
myself, the confiding Jones took the
tir and galloped on from some place
in Iowa. He landed in camp bank
rupt and was eking out greasy exist
cree as dishwasher i'll a restaurant.
Sometimes l called on Mr.. Jones and
found him enyeloped in an air OF ex-
treme melancholy and blue apron
swabbinC gravy off the plates lin a
large tub. Jones was diplomat. He
had soured on the Thomas outfit, for
cause. and eventually he turned me
acainst them by depicting the joys of
railroading IN Idaho. l had saved up
SEQ, and when Jones learned this he
said il was time to start. he would
show the way 10 Idaho, while / backed
the enterprise. Sometimes l think b.
Jones was working me.
To save railroad fare to Denver,
The San Francisco call., 1905-01-29

say he made loud holler to de Presi-
dent dat he was being f1imf1ammed out
of a tousand dollars every time ten
tousand of his books was sold here,
and he wanted to know what kind of a
country dis was, to do a man out of
his good long green in dat gold brick
way. He's playing in hard luck, any
way. He don't get no royalty rake off
on his opray. "Parsifal," neider, but 1
know he's a wise guy, and / guess he's
a good one.
But Tommy Lawson is de white
haired lad who could put Wagner up
to a few fine points in de game. Dere
is a copyright cable big enough to tow
a liner on all dat Boston lad writes for
de papes. His book won't be sold for
no nickel, half dime. Not for Tommy.
ones all along de line. but / like de
way he goes into de game. When de
Yale center kicked an eye or two out
of de Harvard center. Harvard asked
him what tell. Oats all right, me
boy" says Yale. I'VE isn't playing
checkers dis afternoon" OATS Tommy
Lawson. When he foist began to sing
his song and dance nobody listened.
Den he sung anodder tune and dey
says "Bum." "Rotten!" "On de blink -
Den he pulls out a few more stops in
his organ, gets his heel hard down on
de loud pedal, and let's go few bars
of de real ting, and de holler of murder
dat goes up in Wall street was heard
in de Bronx. Den Tommy winked his
odder eye, asks his lawyer was his
copyrights copper rivited, and begins
to sell his songs by de ton-and no
nickel, half dime rate was going at
dat
hears Whiskers pass out few re-
marks about him at dis time. He is
no better dan a Hun!" he says.
He's Nannychist' chips in Mr..
Paul. winking at me, dough wedder for
a small bot, or just for fun, don't
know. -
The San Francisco call., 1905-01-29
ByfPffeS" Byffe%MAsEx1D. M1
~ r E7E REAEs441S TTHE SECRETS p
4 ,LIIN1N1uE1 l OF eWOaDTTSQl -
1luI HILL 1|ADDIJN AND WFTlEMZNEWFWlNMCE. 4

Jerome should indite him. says
Whiskers.
And give him de 'lectric chair!"
says Mr.. Paul.
Hes knocking vested interests,
says Whiskers.
"And his hammer weighs ton,"
says Mr.. Paul.
where's de police?" says whiskers.
Get a gum" says Mr.. Paul.
Everything he says is lies!" says
Whiskers.
And, besides, dey was all known be-
FORE" says Mr.. Paul.
de trute should not always be told,'
says Whiskers.
mot until de insiders are out of de
market" says Mr.. Paul.
What are our laws for?" asks Whis-
kers.
HAS Lawson any right to 'em?" de-
mands Mr.. Paul.
Lambs is only bred to be feeced,"
says Whiskers.
''And even a sheep tief has rights
says Mr.. Paul.
''It creates distrust for de outside
public to be let into de secrets of de
street." saws Whiskers.
Even a burglar has de right to re-
fuse to answer discriminating ques-
tions," says Mr.. Paul.
"A man in de game should play
fair" says Whiskers.
And IL he discovers six aces UP an
odder players sleeve he should look de
odder way" says Mr.. Paul.
DE newspapers should not print his
stuff says Whiskers.
Even if de public cries for it,, says
Mr.. Paul.
Having listened to dis I knowed de
whole game, and went and struck
Duchess for frenzied fifty-cent piece.
for was going down to de Bowery to
call on me fren de barkeep, and wanted
de price.
Duchess saws 1t was after banking
hours, so / goes to Toxic Tommy and
The San Francisco call., 1905-01-29

seer. Listen. Always pay for what
you buy" saws dis great man, land
den you'll never be in debt To be in
debt" he says, lis to bid good-by to
contentment, and to bid good-by to
contentment is to see it no more, and
without contentment where are we?"
he says. "Derefore," says he, have
contentment by paying for what you
buy" Well, well! Dere isn't school
teacher dat knows more dan dat great
man. It's pity he didn't live at de
start sos we'd all been happy from de
beginning. He knows de game at bote
ends and de middle Make your home
happy" he says. Fill your home wit
joy and happiness and healt and peace
and light and love and sweetness, for"
says he, "for dere Is no place like
home" Is he an inventor? Is he de
whole ting? Well, i wonderi
BE good to your children" he says.
BE good. and be just. Be just good"
he says IF you are good and just to
your children, and dey finds it out. dey
will know it. Do not tell 'em. do not
boast" he says, but tink how good 1t
is to be good. and how just to be just,
tisements in de street cars amt writ
no better dan dat.
do not strive for wealt.' he says
meaning long green Take what
comes to you and be satisfied. Remem-
ber. even il 1t is not enough, 1t might
be less dan ii is, and be satisfied. Be
simple and you will not need wealt"-
meaning long green. DE simple life
is not run on a gold basis. but on
simplicity. Be simple. If you are not
satisfied wit what money comes to
you, you will be dissatisfied; and If
you are dissatisfied you will not be sat
isfied. OH he says, "oh, do not long
for wealt" Say, don't tell me dere is
anybody as wise as hin-not even de
Judge in de Tombs has a better stuffed
coco dan dat mug Wagner. I'm sorry
he got no copyright on his book. Dey
The San Francisco call., 1905-01-29

Copyright, 1865. bJ
TT VERY now and then some family
breaks loose with the woozy idea
III its beautiful and hrainy son is
v much too good for his job, what
ever 1t may be. ard sets about to ele-
Vate him in life. An epidemic of this
sort hit me after battinl; around the
world a couple of years, reveling in
marvellous adventures and hairbreadth
escapes by field and flood and livery
stable. The folks at Mudv;ile, ILL.,, said
Il was time to settle down and become
an ornament to society; that my intel
lect, which was then vivid enough to
l,our hot metal into holes in the sand,
fitted me for something higher and
robler and more recherche than iron
nOIdinT
The San Francisco call., 1905-01-29

takes a lesson in JUL 1 finds de
little Jap reading Lawson's latest-he's
always reading, dat little mug is-and
asks him what he thinks of 1t. ITS
litry jiu-jitsu,' say dat Jap. "Mr.
LAWSON has a scientific hold on Wall
streets collar, and Wall street is
strangling itself, trying to get free"
Copyright, 1906, by Edward w. Town.
send.)
The San Francisco call., 1905-01-29

y AVE you been reading de papes
IL lately? Say, dey is great. De
papes and de simple life" to-
~ gedder is enough to keep a man
awake all day and all night and turn
his brain into rough house, for fair.
De best ting dat is going is de Jap dat
put de strong lads of de police force on
The San Francisco call., 1905-01-29

selves or for some one else and that al
most AL of us possess one or two pet
oxen which we are very unwilling to
have gorcd.
Copyright, 1904, by Albert Britt)
The San Francisco call., 1905-01-29
moldine

~ RR. j. " 0 Z T II n G. T o n
M GRINDERFACE was strong
on civic morality. To hear
4 him talk about it you'd nave
thought that he was the man who dis
covered it. but he wasn't really. Moth
The Florida agriculturist. [volume] (DeLand, Fla.) 1878-1911, 1905-11-15

the stump of the wonderful pecan.
Nothing daunted from this deep cut
ting of two years ago, it was OIL time
next year. with nineteen thrifty
sprouts. The best of these are now
five feet high. l have just taken off
seventeen and transplanted them. The
two remaining | shall bud to two of
my best pecanS and hope in after
years to report another interesting
chapter from this tree and its pro-
geny | am making other experiments
in transplanting the pecan, cutting
some of the tap roots even four feet
long, and hope to be able, at our
coming Nut-grOwers' Convention in
Dallas to illustrate something further
along this line. l am planting the
pecan nuts in my entire orchard, mid
way between alternate tree and row.
This with the ordinary distance of
20 feet for peach and plum, will leave
the pecan 4OX4O. These L cultivate
with my trees and when a few feet
high insert my buds. By this means
my peach and plum orchard, which
passes out at twelve to fifteen years,
will be bearing crops of fine pecans.
find the pecan does not interfere
with fruit trees, but will grow and
flourish in their midst, making fine
hurt to either Some of these budded
sprouts referred to above, stand with
in three feet of Keiffer pear trees ten
inches in diameter, and both pear and
pecan seem to do well.
The Florida agriculturist. [volume] (DeLand, Fla.) 1878-1911, 1905-11-15
Working for Wide Tires.

The Midland Farmer prints an ar
ticle showing how much more valuable
wide tires are to farmers than the
usual narrow tires found on most
wagons. If the wide tires are desira-
BILE on heavy soils, how much greater
value they would have on our sandy
roads and fields in Florida.
The Z. S. Bureau of Road Inquiry
has been making a study of the
width of tires prescribed by local and
national authorities in various parts of
the world. In France every freighting
and market cart, instead if injuring
the highway, improves it. Many of
the tires are 10 inches wide. In the
four wheeled vehicles in that country
the rear axle is II inches longer than
the fore, and as a result the rear
wheels run on a line about an inch
outside the level rolled by the front
wheel. After a few loaded wagons
have passed over a road the highway
looks as if a steam road roller had
been at work. A national law in
Germany prescribes that wagons
heavily loaded must have tires not
less than four inches wide In Austria
the minimum for similar vehicles is
six and one-half inches; in Switzer-
land, six inches.
In number of states in this country
laws have been passed granting rebate
of highway taxes to citizens who use
on lumber wagons tires not less than
three inches wide. On toll reads in
Kentucky and several other states,
The Florida agriculturist. [volume] (DeLand, Fla.) 1878-1911, 1905-11-15

farmers hauling loads in wide-tired
wagons are entitled to lower rates
than those paid by the owners of
narrOw-tired vehicles.
At an experiment station it was DEM
Onstrated that it requires 40 per cent
more power to draw a load on wagon
with one and One-half inch tires than
on one with three-inch tire. With
Baldwin dynamOmeter, careful tests
were made with loaded wagons drawn
over bluegrass sward. In a wagon
weighing LOCO pounds it was found
that load of 3,24S pounds could be
drawn on wide tires with the same
force required to move 1000 pounds
on narrow tires. Moreover, the wide
tires did not injure the turf, while the
narrow ones cut through it. In some
parts of the country pioneers in the
use of wide tires have had to stand
a good deal of ridicule. The manifest
benefit to roads, however, soon chang
es public sentiment.
The president of leading wagon
manufacturing company states that
the demand for wide tires is increas-
ing every year. Another company in
the same line of business conducted
a series of tests, using Fairbanks
dynamOmeter carefully calibrated, and
was convinced that on very hard roads
the preference, SO far as draft is con-
cerned, is for narrow tires. In the
effect upon the roads, however, wide
tires have the advantage.
The Florida agriculturist. [volume] (DeLand, Fla.) 1878-1911, 1905-11-15
Root Pruning the Pecan.

Some months ago we clipped an ar
ticle from the Farm and Ranch. 1t
was not used at the time and was
laid aside and overlooked until today.
We do not remember the article by
Mr. StringfeIlOw, but those who have
read his exposition of the New HOrti-
culture as published lately in our
columns, will readily understand what
must have been its purpOrt. This
account of actual experience will fur
nish some new ideas for pecan grow
ers.
After reading Mr.. Stringfellow's ar
ticle, in late issue of your paper, in
which he advises cutting off all but
four or five inches of the tap root in
transplanting the pecan, | became
alarmed for | was just finishing up
the traIsplanting of four hundred pc
can trees of my own budding, and
had cut the tap roots two feet long
in TRANSFORMING | had transplanted
my first budded trees three years ago
and went Immediately and had my
hands take up some of these. The
bud had been inserted about five
feet from the ground and had grown
FIVE feet. making the tree ten feet
high When transplanted the tap
root WAS cut one foot long. When dug
up today it had formed complete
mass of roots entirely around the cut
end. several of them fully an inch
in diameter, going directly down as
The Florida agriculturist. [volume] (DeLand, Fla.) 1878-1911, 1905-11-15
S0ll

impoverished soil, like impov-
crushed blood, needs a proper
fertilizer. A chemist by analyz-
ing the soil can tell you what
fertilizer to use for different
products.
If your blood is impoverished
your doctor will tell you what
you need to fertilize it and give
it the rich, red corpuscles that
are lacking in it. 1t may be you
need a tonic, but more likely you
need a concentrated fat food,
and fat is the element lacking
in your system.
There is no fat food that is
so easily digested and assimi-
lated as
The Florida agriculturist. [volume] (DeLand, Fla.) 1878-1911, 1905-11-15

Addressa WORKS
The Hawaiian star. [volume] (Honolulu [Oahu]) 1893-1912, 1905-10-21
METEoRoLoGY OF OCTOBER.


Local Office, U. S. Weather Bureau.
The following data, covering a period
of 20 years, have been compiled from
the Weather Bureau and McKibbin re-
cords at Honolulu, T. II. They are is
sued to show the conditions that have
prevailed, during the month in ques-
ton, for the above period of years,
but must not be construed as a fore
cast of the weather conditions for the
coming month.
Month October for 20 years.
TEMPERATURE, (1S9O-19O4.)
Mean or normal temperature, TO
The warmest month was that of 1885,
with an average of ITO
The coolest month was that Of 1909
with an average of 750
The highest temperature was 90 on
October 10, 1891.
The lowest temperature was go on
October 80, 1892.
PRECIPITATION ((rain) (1S77-1S94
and 19O4)
Average for the month 1.76 inches.
Average number of days with .O1
of an inch or more, 1S.
The greatest monthly precipitation
was 4.32 inches in 1884.
The least monthly precipitation was
GA inches in 1885.
The greatest amount of precipitation
recorded in any "a consecutive hours
was 2.36 inches on October 20, 1882.
CLOUDS AND WEATHER.
QS90-1904.)
Average number of clear days, 10;
partly cloudy days, II; cloudy days.
WIND.
The prevailing winds have been from
the northeast.
The average hourly velocity of the
wind during October 1904 was 81.
The highest velocity of the wind
during October 1904, was 2S miles from
the northeast nthe 26th.
Station: Honolulu, T. H.
Date of ISSUE September 20, 1905.
ALEX. McC. ASHLEY,
Section Director, Weather Bureau.
The Hawaiian star. [volume] (Honolulu [Oahu]) 1893-1912, 1905-10-21
MIsTAKEN DIAGNOSIS.

There are many people who have
pains in the back and imagine that
their kidneys are affected, while their
only trouble is rheumatism Of the mus
Giles, which can be cured by few ap-
plications Of Chamberlain's Pain Balm,
or by dampening a piece Of flannel with
the Pain Balm and binding it over the
effected parts. A pain in the side of
chest should be treated in the same
manner and prompt relief is sure to
follow. For sale by all dealers. Ben
son Smith & Co., agents for Hawaii.
The Hawaiian star. [volume] (Honolulu [Oahu]) 1893-1912, 1905-10-21
CRICKET TODAY.

Cricket will be played this afternoon
at 2 o'clock sharp on the Makiki
grounds between the following teams:
Gable Company-Rowell, Broadfoot,
clunie, Evans, Hall, Wright, Morgan,
Cation, Crewe-Read, Sedgwick.
Honolulu Cricket Club-R. Anderson,
Mclean, McGin, Hatfield, Stanley, Gill,
Quinelle, Beardmore, Herbert, Tougher,
Wilmington Martin Rath, Tucker, Jor-
dan.
The Hawaiian star. [volume] (Honolulu [Oahu]) 1893-1912, 1905-10-21
Arriving.
THE MOVING PICTURES.

The moving pictures of the Britt-Nel-
son fight last night were better than
ever. The defects in the working of
the machine have all been remedied by
the electrical and mechanical prodigy
Manager Herbert discovered the other
night, and the pictures show up better
and more life-like than ever.
The Hawaiian star. [volume] (Honolulu [Oahu]) 1893-1912, 1905-10-21
ARRIVING.

Saturday, October 81.
s. S. MiOwera, Hemming, from Vic
toria AMI Vancouver at a. m.
U. S. A. Y Logan, Stinson, from Ma
Mia and Nagasaki, due
Stmr. Ke Au Hou, Tullett, from Ka-
uai ports, at 3:45 a. m.
Sunday, October %.
Stmr. w. G Hall, S. Thompson, from
Kauai ports due early i'm morning.