The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-06-30
HUMOR or TIE Day

III ~ " 4F4O4@ VI &&As 4AA
His nose and throat were full OF dust,
his eyes we're running red
suffer. but today rode
Two hundred miles he said.
Il have never seen a woman who was
good at figures, asserted the professor
Come across the room, professor, and
had every figure that has been in fash
ion for the last ten years. Houston
Them three men7'' Farmer Border re-
plled to a question, 'thems our farm
..But." asked the city girl where's the
wat other one2''
why, there's always a quartet Of them
20 sing the Old Oaken Bucket isn't
there PIP Philadelphia. Press.
DEFINITIONS.
Accommodation Train-A train with no
Eternity-Two hours OF waiting in a
Love-See papa.
Patriotism-A nomentary excitement due
to the explosion of powder
Heathen-Anyone who does not profess
the religion you don't profess
Secrecy-The art OF telling a thing to
only one person at a, time.
Error-The mistaken act of another
New Orleans Times Democrat.
wen. how did your shares IN the r,s
Swindle Gold Mine turn out2''
OH I-er-Fve lost all interest in
them. ILLUSTRATED Bits.
You never hear of the Scadwell's family
| skeleton nowadays,' observed Rivers.
NO, said Brooks. They have accunnu-
! lated so many bones that everybody has
forgotten its existence. Chicago Tribune.
Grayce-Our preacher has done a great
deal to break up golf playing on Sun
Gladys-How did he manage it?
Grayce3A1ainly by saying that he did
isville Courier-Journal
why is it that all actors want to try
wen, you see in Hamlet the ghost
walks at every performance. Chicago
Giles-That chap across the street was
the lightweight champion in his day.
Miles-You don't sayi He certainly does
not look like a prize fighter now.
Giles-Oh, he wasn't a prize fighter. He
was formerly coal dealer.-St Louis
Paper.
Hes comparatively rich, isn't hep,
NO; only relatively so It's his people
who have the money Philadelphia Led
Can you tell b.. looking at a horses
teeth how old he isl"
automobile whether it is one of last years
machines or not. Chicago Record-Her-
aid.
Senator he asked: 'have you really
mot just now he replied. but ex-
pect to have one or two shortly after the
/ beginning of the next session. Chicago
Record-Herald
You DOCTORS" said the Gotharnite. do
not seem able to make anything out Of
Don't Ell? I'm making my expenses
| out of it."-Houston Post.
Il takes notice" said Uncle Eben. dat
| de man who tells you how easy it is to be
/ contented Wit salt po'k an beans ginerly
has as fine appetite fob fried chicken as
anybody. Washington Star.
He seems to have gone to the bad com
Eyes; I believe he found himself between
! the devil and the deep sea, and he realized
ger.
s'He's got mean disposition"
What makes you think sop
Il told him I wanted to learn how to run
| an auto and he didn't Offer to loan me
his."-Cleyeland Plain Dealer
smith-They say Enpeck's wife rules him
Jones-I guess that's right I saw her
chasing him with a poker the other day
Chicago News
Negotiations are pending for the produc-
| ton of Checkers" in Australia. J. c.
!
| of that PARKWAY land, has passed on the
play and says it will succeed wherever the
English language is spoken.
Mrs. Lakefrunt-What's the cause Of the
estrangement between Mrs. Porkpack and
Mrs. Beeftrust2
Mrs. Southsyde-Mrs. Beeftrust said her
husband gave away a great deal Of money
anonymously and Mrs. Porkpack suggest
prosperous condition OF the treasurys
conscience fUnd.-Philadelphi Bulletin.
She-I told you I was going to paint
those porch stairs today, and asked you
| to go over to our neighbours and borrow
some paint
He-Yes, and went over and asked for
She-Well, where is it?
He-Oh, the woman over there said they
| had no paint that would 20 with your
face.-Yonkers Statesman.
He-Why. there's Mrs Gotcash in a new
gown. Do look
She-No, indeed I won't. Whenever I
to notice it or else she asks me If it's the
same one I wore last year.-Judy.
Sunday School Teacher-Wouldn't you
1 like to dwell in heaven. Johnny?
! Johnny-No, ma'am. We've moved three
| times already this year and I'm getting
| tired of helpin' pack up.-Chicago News.
QUAKER REFLECTIONS
CFrom the Philadelphia Record.1
Most regulations should be marked;
/ ffHandle with care.