davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-10-10
QUAKER REFLECTIONs.


[From the Philadelphia Record.1
A friend in word is not always a
friend indeed.
When a man is welded to politics
it is generally with political ring.
A prominent New York actress is
going to manage her husband. Most
of them do.
Success generally depends on taking
advantage of opportunities and other
people.
A bad man out west is a fellow
who has killed his man. In the effete
east he is chauffeur.
If you are going to climb the ladder
of fame, don't look down on your
neighbors. You might get dizzy and
fall.
sillicus- Trying to explain a mis-
take is a waste of time" CynicusA
Yes, the time might be used IL max
ing other mistakes "
Scribbler-'I Imagination is a great
help to a poet. Scrawler-''Y es, II en-
ables him to think of the things he
would do if he had money
Somehow or other the good little
boy never seems to look back on his
boyhood with the keen relish that
other boys do when they grow up.
Wigg-seWhat has become of all the
divine heaIers that fourished a few
years ago. ?" Waggs-"I don't know,
unless they have turned ward heelers."
Nell-"He had only known her
week when he proposed to her" Belle
Yes. she's a lucky girl. If he had
known her longer, he probably
wouldn't"
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-10-10
The Other one.

A story is told of a police magistrate
in Cincinnati who, having an extraor-
binary amount of business one morn
ing, was dispOsing of his cases at the
rate of some two or three a minute,
with great exactness and dignity, be-
ing, as is usual in police courts, judge,
jury, and lawyer all in one.
To one rather refractory witness his
honor said, IT am to understand that
you readily recognize this handkerchief
as the one stolen from you?"
yes, your honor"
How do you know it is yours2'' per-
emptorily demanded his honor.
II recognized it at once because of
it's peculiar design
''You must be aware, SIR declared
the magistrate, oracularly, as he drew
a similar handkerchief from his own
pocket, that there are others like it. .
True enough" was the unexpected
reply. ct had two stolen!'-Harper S
Weekly.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-10-10
GLOBE SIGHTS.
[From the Atchison GIobe. !


Jealous husbands have kept many
women from going wrong.
It is a beautiful thing for woman
to have faith in her husband; 1t saves
so many explanations.
1t is necessary to tell a good man only
once. Ever notice that you have to be
told ostener than that?
1t costs less for a man to give a girl
a compliment than a box of candy, but
it sometimes costs her more if she be-
ueves #.
Every man demands that his wife be-
lieve everything he says, and that his
daughter does not believe a word young
men say to her
1t is said that every time a man and
his girl out driving pass a mail box it
gives him a d-ear-of-eoTn- privilege.
and to pass a pOstoffice means credit
unlimited.
When a girls picture appears in a
metropolitan paper, with an announce
ment that she is visiting in the city, a
great many people look upon 1t as a
matrimonial advertisement
While men fight for their political be-
liefs, and women fight for their relig-
ious creeds, the facts are that both in
herited them from their ancestors. the
same as they inherited poor teeth and
red hair.
At Atchison girl. who sits on the porch
with her company night after night
says she finds it mighty hard to be sat
isfactory; that if she talks loud che an
noys her Eeighbors. and il she keeps
quiet her mother worries.
The Smart Set is getting 50 good that
Sunday school teachers are liable to
number there are two stories in which
the married relation is held high above
everything else In this world. This is
unusual in the Smart Set.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-10-10
With These FxceDtioDs.

Landlord-Weu, has everything been
all right since you've been with US?
Departing Guest-Yes; only you
know that when we came and found
no cupboard in our room you prom
ised US you'd put up some hooks but
you didn't.
"Oh. yes; I foFgot"-
And you told US you'd give US
table to ourselves but you didn't"
well, but look here"--
"And you said you'd give us a room
where we'd get the ocean breeze, in
fact, you gave US one opening against
the weather. boarding of another house
and facing directly away from the
beach"
"Oh, well. you
"And you said the hotel was on the
ocean end of the parade. while as
matter of accuracy it is half a mile
from the sea- 1 ~
but they ali adver'--~4 a
you said the place was orderly and
that the table was good yet we haven't
been able to sleep at all, and when
ever we wanted a decent bite to eat
we had to go out after it."
why. my dear sir
Yes; with the few exceptions named
everything has been perfectly salts
factory, and we shall take great
pleasure in telling our friends so."-
London Tit-Bits.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-10-10
JOURNAL ENTRIES

This idea of chucking a lot of over
coat weather right up against a con
signment bearing the shirt-sleeve
brand is enough to call forth some
vigorous resolutions, at least.
Tom Kelly can prove an alibi on
having been an insurance company
official anyway.
When a woman gets above thirty it
makes her mad to say she has got on
to a new wrinkle. She's afraid it viii
be repeated with the "on to- left out.
Some people talk about an elastic
currency, but you always fisd it
mighty hard to stretch a ten dollar bill
very far.
In starting a new business enter
prise 1t is always the luck of some
men to get in on the ground floor and
of others to get in the hole: Just a
difference of location.
You hear a great deal about people
trying to borrow trouble, but did any
body ever come around and try to Dor
row yours?
The Russian Spy that is sneaking
around on the Kansas kerosene circuit
evidently hasn't heard of the Peace of
Portsmouth.
You have heard a great deal about
tainted money; Did you ever really
see any?
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-10-10
No place for the Ice Man.

Il have been over to London nine or
ten times in my life,'' said an American
traveller, land there is one thing that
strikes me just as curiously as it did ON
my first trip. That is the general total
poorest family thinks it cannot get
along without it in the summer, but
there the rich hardly know what it is
in connection with cooling and preserv-
ing. In a famous hotel I asked a waiter
for a glass OF ice water.
e Beg pardon, sir he said, but what
might you mean by that?
- Why, water with ice in it
I viii see, sir
He was gone ten minutes and then
returned with the head waiter.
Didn't you ever hear of ice water?
I asked.
- I think have. sir
- Then get me some.
ssNone came, and I finished my meal.
At breakfast next morning about two
gallons Of ice water was placed on the
table for me, together with a check
amounting to about a dollar and a half
in our money.
" what's all this? asked of the
waiter
. Your ice water. sir
g But I ordered it last evening
" Certainly sir: but it was II o'clock
before we could find any ice; and then
we had a man sit up all night and feed
ice into the water. to get it good and
cold. am sure it will be to your Xix
ing, sir-quite sure M. Quad.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-10-10
RAILWA1e E1ETF.RPRIsE.

To thriIi the breati1less earth
This piece of news can't failsk-
Proud Russia knows the worth
Of this new line eGrailSkl
Consider where it g0es
Consider where it's frOmsxi
What other state
Would contemplate
A line from Tounsk 10 OHask2
o Russian sentinel
Guard well that precious inesk!
From mObs of strikers fell,
From subterranean mineski
Let not the nations read
How some COMPOUNDED bOmbsk
Contriyed to blow
To Jericho
The line from Tomsk to Omskl
Thomas R. Ybarra in N. Y. Sun.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-10-10
OriehtaIisnn in Commerce.

Even in its commerce Smyrna is
Oriental. Few westerners care a fig
for Smyrna, but that famous old city
regards the fig as the mainstay Of its
prosperity. The most popular merry
making of Smyrna's year is the fir
festival. That takes place when the
export of the fig harvest from the in
terror sets in. The first train load en-
tiers the station with the engine he
tagged, the wagons covered with
branches and garlands, and there are
artillery salutes and 6ourishes of
trumpets. These, however. are as
nothing compared with the noisy re-
ioicings of the populace. who follow
loaded camels through the city to the
grand bazaar singing and dancing with
all the unrestrained fervor Of the
Orient.-LOndon- Globe.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-10-10

How do you like your new board
ing house - Hobbs inquired of Nobbs
who had changed his abode.
"Oh. fairly we'll" returned hobbs.
Pretty high-toned place, amt it %
yes; the walters do have rather ex-
allied voices"
II mean there are lots Of big bugs
there"
well don't know" rejoined
Ncbbs, drily: the cockroaches are
about the usual size. but perhaps the
bedbugs are somewhat larger than the
ordinary. since I come to think of it.
"Oh, I meant that there was a sort
Of swell set there, old man." ventured
Hobbs, la despair.
Il cant say that there is" replied
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-10-10
REFLECTIONS OF A BACHELOR
rFroln New York Press

A man is very fond OF country Ike
when he doesn't have to live it.
It is better to have wed and been
by an heiress than never to
have had a cent at all
The nice thing about girls wina
is you never can be sure what it
means, so you can try to find out.
a woman cant enjoy riding in an
automobile the way she can in a street
CIR. because there never is any con
ductor 20 forget t. collect her fare.
You can never make a man believe
that he can't afford to pay five times
as much for his dinner in a restaurant
where everybody is looking at him as
be can at home.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-10-10

the dignfaed boarder. .arhe table set
by my Iandlady is not calculated to
make anybody swell; rather the con-
trary, I should say"
You know what I mean. hobbs, =
said Hobbs, in last resort. 81 mean to
say that the food and all that it out
Of sight, don't you know"
mot quite so bad as that: we can
see it with the aid of our glasses, but
you are very nearly correct"
Hebbs is now taking lessons in Eng
lish Undecided Portland Oregonian.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-10-10

My hair is auburn, mother SAID
It isn't true TO say it red. =
But boys are always rude ana meah'
An never keep their faces clean.
Yours isn't. Wen, you- ought 10 care
So therei
Your head is just frowzy mop, =,
An that's worse than a 'sorrel toD'
I wouldn't say that it's a sight,
Cause little girls is too perllte
To talk Ike you. T. never dare,
So Iherei
I wouldn't be smarty, though,
I Wouldn t-ifke some boys know,
Who've got holes in their stockun knees
An think it's awful smart to tease.
I don't think you've much sense TO spare
So therei
If my hairs red. then yours is blue,
An green-an I'm jest mad at you.
You're jest as mean as you can be
You needn't make a face al me-
hate youl Yes, you needn't stare.
So therei
Chicago News.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-10-10
KANSAS COMMENT


Since the Ohio Republican convention
which endorsed Roosevelt but strangled
his pet measures, Kansas congressman
are rushing into print pledging their
support to the presidents issues. Ex-
cept Calderhead of the Fifth the cou-
gressmen favor railroad rate legislation,
reciprocity treaty and as much tariff re-
vision as the president dictates. But
Kansas senators. whose votes really
count. are suspected of sympathizing
with the Foraker idea which is to eulo-
glze Roosevelt but knife his politics.
Wichita Beacon.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-10-10

The railroads are busy, very busy.
Besides their customary freight and
passenger traffic, making side deals with
the beef trust and other kindred spirits,
they are conducting a lot of bureaus
whose purpose it is to discredit any
movement for the enlargement Of the
governments supervision of their bust
ness, and have added to this a special
department whose business it is to ridi-
cule the Panama canal project. The
railroads are indeed a modest lot. All
they desire is that small portion of the
earth not pre-empted by Uncle JoGn
ckefeller-Miami Republican.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-10-10

thinks a combination could be formed
among the cattle raisers and feeders
that would bring buyers into the cat
tie country within thirty days. Most
cattle men are able to carry their cat
tie for some time. and this scheme
would also keep them from striking
the Kansas City market with a big
bunch on a bad market.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-10-10
ANOTHER @EXAMPLE. !"

l. L. Dayhoff state superintendent of
public instruction, is a horrible example
of the use of passes by public officials
The other night Dayhoff was standing
on the vestibule of a Pullman car, when
another Pullman bumped into it, catch
fingers. and cutting it off. If Dayhon
had not been carrying a Pullman pass
he would have been up in the chair car,
or the smoker, with the plain common
people, and would now be the perfect
specimen Of physical manhood he was
before the accident. Down with the
pass evili-HOlton Signal.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-10-10

The State Journal is a member Of the
Associated Press and receives the full DAY
telegraph report of that great news Or
ganization for exclusive evening publ
cation SIS Topeka.
The State Journal receives for exclusive
publication the leased wire report 81 the
Publishers Press for the edition for sun
day morning.
The news is received in the state Jour
nal building over wires fer this sole pur-
pose.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-10-10

Surely things are coming Mr.. Rookie
fellerfs way very rapidly. Only a few
weeks ago he was elected an honorary
member of the society of American
jokesmiths. Then he purchased a wig,
and his friends assured him that the
adornment made him look 20 years
younger and almost handsome. And
now his Cleveland neighbors have call
ed on him in a body and expressed,
through their spokesman. the opinion
that in his line the world has never
seen a greater man. Comforting to
him. also. must be the correction of the
story that Hall Caine has an intention
of making him the hero, or central fig-
ure, of a romance. The effect of all this
has been to soften Mr.. Rocksfeller's
spirit. and he PHILOSOPHERS now as
sweetly and as readily as Thomas Q.
Plat Speaking from the TOP of the
tallest money pile in Christendom, he
adjured his callers yesterday to think
of higher things than money getting.
That may have been Mr. Rockefeller's
first joke since joining the jol RS un-
ion.-Wa Washington star.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-10-10

Poor BIr. James Hazen Hyde is
penned up I'm New England and can
not go home to New York to change
his clothes for fear he viii be called
upon to tell the investigating COM
nlittee something about what he has
helped steal from the Equitable. Thus
the rich have their troubles as well
ae the moor
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-10-10

That scheme OF q central Kansas
man to make the packing houses send
buyers to the farms for cattle looks
fairly feasible. His idea is that the
stock yards at Kansas City charge eN-
orbltant prices for handling cattle,
and chat this cam be obyiated by COM
peIIlng the cattle buyers to buy the
cattle before they are shipped. he
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-10-10
THREE or A KIND.

The election os Burton to the United
States senate, the defeat of Governor
Bailey for a denomination and the fail
ure of the Devlin bank in Topeka where
by the state lost $547s 900; were all great
boss buster victories. The people, how
ever, cannot stand many such.-Clyde
Voice.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-10-10

There is some fear that the life in
surance companies viii have too
much money when the grating Off
cials quit stealing it. Perhaps Nc
cali. Perkins, McCurdy. ct al, win be
able to show that they were doing
good work after all.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-10-10
FASTENED no RETRFAT.

Joel r. BurrOw, after holding his
minutes. fastened to inform the news
paper reporters that he would not be
a candidate for governor against Hoch.
Even the suggestion of Burrow for
such an honor ought to make a Burton
candidacy for another term in the
United States senate quite possible
Troy Chief
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-10-10

This talk of the east furnishing Kan
sas money to move her immense crops
grows tiresome. Kansas has the crops
and the money to spare to market them
and some in addition to loan the east if
they need it and can furnish first-class
Kingman Leader Courier
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-10-10

Vice President Fairbanks is ad-
vising people to let wei enough alone.
Does he mean by this to leave Presf-
Dent Roosevelt in the White House
ana himself in the vice presidency 2
If SO, the people may regard it as
pretty good advice. especially eOnsid-
ering its source
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-10-10

Good Old Nurse.-Nrs. Callahan
take y insomnia midicine. Puck.
1T does seem odd-the only one of my
man friends who became estrauged from
Life
Our office boy dropped into poetry yes
terday.'' How was that?' THE literary
editor kicked him into the waste basket.
Cleveland Leader.
so you stin think that every man has
ehum piss And a lot ', Of the little fellows
manage to do some scandalous overcharg-
ing. y Washington Star.
Mr.. Gollywhat-''E r-did your sister. say
anything after l called yesterday AFTER
the 'Count-Ten- Before ou-speak league
but she looked fierce. Chicago Daily
out here do you ~" s Subj YES:
coming and going nearly every day" Cit
bubs-''Yes; servant girls. Philadelphia
Press.
PubIisher-"The trouble with you is that
you don't spend enough time over your
work. This last novel of yours seems un-
finished - Author--'But you wanted it in
might have spent a couple of days more
on it.'-Town and Country
Yes, when I was younger was impor-
tuned to go on the stage. suppose
that was before they had any street cars.
Chicago Plain Dealer.
At charon's Ferry.-Tan shade-'Isn't
Brooliyn@' at ali. And honestly. I
don't see why they call this he'll. You
ought to have seen our bri 1ge crush. y
Puck
do you think that the automobile viii
A1--
tional young woman 1T will answered
the nervous young man as he gazed down
the road, If it ever hits him. Washing
ton Star.
Yes" said the beginner at golf, telling
his troubles, the caddy was SO sarcass nc
over the head wen, why didn't your
asked his friend. II would have done 1t,
the proper club to use for that purpose"
Philadelphia Press.
she-He's always got smile on his face
now. He-Well, where would you expect
him to have it?-Illustrated Bits.
yes. ]. was. sorry to see Jack Cooley
married TO Miss Roxley-t sorry! FOR
his sake or hers ?" For mine. d 1 wanted
her.''-New Yorker.
Miss Kairless-You've seen that best
to go with it. What would you suggest?
Miss Sharp-Why not get sloueh2-
Phlla0elpnla EFeSs
Bess-,Aren't you working any longer at
the soda fountain? Tess-NO; the boss
said customers complained because I got
their winks mixed.-Chicago News.
.'1daude thinks she's prettier than
Maye." How do you knoW?" She
asked her to be her bridesmaid. "-Cleve-
land eLader-
Candidate want to kiss the baby. Miss
Antique-Er-Im the youngest of the fam
ily.-New York sun.
Visitor-Your new brother is awfully lit
tie, Ethel. Ethel (aged 5)-Yes, but he'll
get bigger. We're getting him on the in
stallment plan.-Chicago News.
Erred Tifffn-Wunst, fer a short time,
Wuz connected wit a large bank. Dusty
Rhodes-W'y did youse sever the eonnec-
ton? Tired Tiffin-I didn't De telephone
goil discovered her mistake an switched
me off-Pittsburg Post.
Adam vas showing Eve. the beautiful
sights in the garden of Eden. How do
you like it, dear?" he asked ITS too
lovely for anything" she said, but I am
sorry about one thing What is that?"
7 have no friends to send souvenir postal
cards tor she answered, with dry Sob
Chicago Tribune.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-10-10

President McNan says insurance
men never resign, but the era may
nave arrived when they are no bet
ter than cabinet officers who first
hear the news of their intended reslg-
nation when they read it in the news
DaDers
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-10-10

Since Pat Grove coined that story
that Eddie Cudahy planned his own
abduction and got $4,000 of the plum
der. there is a suspicion that Mr..
Grove is a reformed Wichita news
paper. correspondent
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-10-10

That the insurance investigation will
go to the bottom, not forgetting the top.
is no longer doubtful. The earlier ru-
mors of an intention to have only a
delicate lady-like inquiry, with a big
whitewash brush handy. have died
away. The committee can no more be
called off, at present than a 12-inch
shell after it has left the gun. Hit or
hurt whom it may. it must finish its
fight.-New York Evening Post.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-10-10

According to Pat Grove, young
Cudahy kidnapped himself. Very like
ly the Bulgarian brigands would tell
the same story about Miss Ellen Stane
81 they were asked.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-10-10
GER TOGETHER.

Should common sense and a common
desire for the common walfare regain
control, the Tammany Tiger, now lick
ing his chops in anticipation of a more
than royal feast, may smart la differ
ent key. Harmony, patriotic union, de-
termined effort, a candidate like Jerome
or Gaynor or Golf, and the city may yet
be saved. It is a cause worthy Of toll
and sacrifice. It is a cause which stirs
the moral sense of the community. It
is cause which ennobles those who
strive in it. And dark is the shame of
those who would don its coIOrs only to
betray it.-New York World.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-10-10

Some men are never satisfied. A
Concordia man asked for a divorce.
but when he got it he made q fuss
because the court also told him to
pay his wife three thousand dollars
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-10-10

tt must be admitted that advertising
doesn't always pay. There is the case
of the man who advertises for q wife
and afterwards got stuck for alimony.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-10-10

Japan wants to borrow some more
money-probably just to assure her
self that she can.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-10-10

If the New York legislature,
through its insurance Investigation
ness. it may be sorry it went into the
Investigation business.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-10-10

What a source of grief it must be to
the president of a New. York life in
suranee company If his family doesn't
happen to be big enough to fill ali the
fat iObss
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-10-10

some of Francis b. LOOMS friends
say that his future is "shrouded in
mystery" Very likely Mr.. LOOMS
wishes that his past We're also.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-10-10

Probably one reason why the OPP
position to Tammany cannot make
much Roadway this year IS because
Tammany looks real honest in COM
parison with the other New York
erafters.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-10-10

Tt won't be very long now till we
will have to read about what con-
gress doesn't do again.