davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-07-28

The reports concerning typhoid
fever remind US that well water is a
good thing not to drink if the well is
located within the city.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-07-28

Very likely now Kelly will demand
another nomination as a "vindicatien,'
and Governor Hoch will go down to
Miami county to help him put up
boiling delegation.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-07-28

"Why can we not have parcels
post?" demands EIbert Hubbard.
We'll, the principal reason is Thomas
c. Platt, United States senator for the
express. companies
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-07-28
An Arabian Druid in Paris.

Strange mystics are discovered in
Paris every now and again. The latest
inhabited the Rue de la Michodiere, a
street in the center of the city. His
neighbors were startled at midnight to
hear weird and discordant sounds issu-
ing from the dwelling of Ali Bonem.
followed by ritualistic lamentations and
liturgical chantings, alternatively plain
tive and fierce. The reflection of flames
was also observed. When the door was
burst open by the police a man of huge
stature was seen, clothed in long white
sheet, his eyes rolling wildly. and in his
hand a blood-stained. knife. Around him
a number of wax candles shed q mystic
light, on a piano, which had served as
an altar. lay a disembowled lamb. AS
measure of precaution Ali Bonem, the
high priest, has been taken into Gus
tody.-London Globe.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-07-28

Of anyone who could steal as much or
commit as many crimes as Kelly can,
and not only not be punished for it,
but have the public officials apologize
to him because the people suspect
him
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-07-28

"Scotty" is said to have $4,000
left, so he is not likely to have to walk
back to Death Valley after all. He
will perhaps be able to tip a brakeman
for a side-door sleeper.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-07-28
HUMOR OF THE DAY

The Doctor-who is that seedy looking
man that bowed to you? it,. 80
The Lawyer-A former "eai'nS oiie"'
mine.-ChicaSo News
DO you care for pate de foie Eras' Mrs
mo. ma'am: and wouldn't have his
works in my house. I think these Frenc1
authors is just scandalous! '-CieVelanu
Leader.
Bella-Prof Muggins tells me that the
first principle of socialism is 10 oivloe
TomSNot as I understand. it. On the
contrary, the first principle OF sociailsm Is
to induce your fellow man to DIVIDE Win
See my engagement ring?" said the girl
to her friend ,,i in small nall u PParHSse town.
Know where it came from?" continued
the proud engaged one. as she held the
= We'll replied the other with her nose
slightly elevated, Il know 1t must have
come fToT the city; there ERE are no install
eFs Statesman.
wife-Just leave me alone for Few
minutes. 1 want to make up my mind.
Husband--Hum. I'm afraid you'll have
to use Observation-Disclosures Ledger.
aren't you aware" said the kind la
dy. that there is s,, something dignihed
yes, ma am answered. the
ed hobo. i've heard NV fellers wot stood
on on mime mine. S@chieag g Daily News.
Daisy Gushley-oh, you darlinsl I just
heard of your engagement today.
Cissy sumnergirl-Which one?-Town
Mrs. ,BoeEs bought a box of cigars for
her .rr husband and some e. one stole them
.'Boggs or the thief?'-Judge.
''As. a high roller remarked the wave.
For which you should be thankful" re-
Joined the beach.
Because" answered the beach. you
broke. "-chicago Daily News.
Knowledge is power" said the man who
Not always" answered Senator sor-
ghum. THE man who processes to know
all about the trusts isn't usually the one
who is getting the money out of them
Chol1y-Bronson's the worst ass in town,
but on me honah his wife is the clevahest
woman I ever saw!
Molly-Is that kind?
Cholly-Oh! Present company always ex-
MolIy-Yes, in both cases.-cleveland
| Leader.
Elsie (aged 81 do hope some Dutch
man viii marry me when | grow UP.
Aunt Mary-Why. dear? 80, 7--i"tItt'
Elsie-'Cause l want to be a duchess
Exchange.
Father Cooking at school report)-Who
is the best writer in your class. Bobby?
Bobby-Willie Jones. All the boys in the
class get him to write their excuses.-Ex-
change.
Van B-What made Blank blush when 1
asked him if he was making any money
| these days? That's natural question.
| De G-Yes: but he's reformed counter
| feiter.-Detroit Free Press.
First Moth-Where are you going to
spend the summer?
Second Moth--I have made arrangements
| to board with a fur coat. but 1 don't
/ know whether I'll be able to stand it. It's
| fearfully crowded already.-Detroit Free
Press.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-07-28

The grafters believe that Philadel-
phia is the hottest place in the coun-
try. Mayor Weaver has made it so.
N. B.-The weather is very cool and
pleasant in Kansas for grafters.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-07-28

"Kelly will yet land in the peniten-
tiary if the officers whose duty it is to
protect the state against such dis
honesty do their duty" says the Par
sons Sun. But there is that eff
Surely Sile Sun doesn't expect Coleman
TO do anything against Kelly. does it =?
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-07-28

An Australian woman is planning to
swim the English channel. Probably
she does not want to take the chances
of getting seasick in going over by
boat
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-07-28
AN EXPERT ON pIRGEs.

Colonel Henry Waterson wants every
American citizen to celebrate the home
coming of Paul Jones. Throughout long
and picturesque career Colonel Watterson
has had few equals as a boomer of dead
ones."-Providence Journal
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-07-28

Paradoxical as 1t may seem, the in
tense heat in New York has caused a
s'frost'' in the theaters.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-07-28

An exchange speaks of Tom Kelly
as being unfortunate But did you
ever know anybody who was really as
Eortunate as Kelly? Did you ever hear
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-07-28

New York ought to import some
weather from the MoJave desert. They
never have sunstrokes in the desert.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-07-28
NOT SIsPICIOUS.

Blessed is the poor man. He is so in
conspicuous that his gifts to worthy in
situations are too small to bring upon him
charges of ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS Journal
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-07-28

And as for ttsntif1g the senate about
Mitchell of Oregon. just remember that
the senate didn't choose him.-Milwaukee
Sentinel.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-07-28
al GREAT PAR.

There is some talk to the effect that
if Senator Burton is reelected next
year, Tom Kelly will be candidate
for Longs place two years later. Bur
ton and Kelly would make a great pair
to represent Kansas in the United States
senate.-Ottawa Republic.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-07-28
The shetland the Perfect Pet.

The cry of the children is for per-
feet pet. What the rattle and the doll
are to the earliest years of us, that the
Shetland pony is fated to become for
older childhood. This animal is the one
only pet that won't at some time or
other make reprisal on the hand that
when the child becomes too familiar.
There are elements in a cats nature
that puzzle and repulse the child, a
something that makes it walk by its
wild lone" The goat is Inadequate.
We could anaIyze a Noah's Ark of ami
mails in this way only to find that the
one satisfying safe living pet is the
Shetland pony. If more than eight chill
dren ride on his back he will shake him
self like q wet Newfoundland and then
stand motionless, while they pick them
selves up and out from his four hoofs. A
large and more highly nerved grade of
horse would trample the children that
were tripping him.-Century Life in
America.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-07-28
THAT WAS YEARs AGO.

The news that congress failed to appro-
pirate money to provide clean towels for
the capitol building should please Sock
less jerry Simpson, who once declared on
the floor of the house that one towel
week was ample for his own needs.-New
York Evening Post
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-07-28
SERENITY.

If you want a picture of virtuous in
dignation observe the countenance of Sem
ator Thomas Platt when he hears what
Senator Depew has been doing.-Chicago
Journal
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-07-28
FRON OTHER PENS

WILL ROCK A TELLER LESS.
An experiment In oiled roads is being
tried in Kansas. Oiled roads will make the
shedding a little easier for Mr.. Rockefel-
ler.-St. Louis Democrat.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-07-28
MORE RUDDY.

There is no Disgusting the fact that the
red terror in Russia is daily becoming
redder and more terrible.-Philadelphia In
quirer.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-07-28
WE ARE MILLING

Wonder what will be said about the Pan
anna canal commission bringing 2,OO0 Jap
anese, Chinese and Italian laborers to help
dig the canal? Does that come under or
over the tariff wall?-Charlotte News.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-07-28
A Woman Press Agent.

Mrs. William Scott, press agent" for
the Woodmere Tigers baseball team,
holds a unique position. Although she
braves the sun day after day to witness
the games in which her team takes
part, she admits that she doesn't under
stand the game very well. "Of course
I know what a foul. a strike and a run
is, but when it comes to the technical
terms I don't understand then,'' she
says. But wherever the Woodmere Tig-
ers wander the press agent is there, and
no fan ever enjoyed a gingery play
more keenly than Mrs. Scott-that is,
if a Tiger makes the play. Her hus-
band is manager and makes no pre-
tense at playing, but whenever John
Scott, her 20-year-old son, makes a
sensational catch out in right field he's
always sure of plenty of handclapping
when the press agent is around.-De-
troit News.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-07-28

The r,ootor-yVho is that seedy looking
man that bowed to you?
The Lawyer-A former wealthy client OF
mine.-ChicaEo News.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-07-28

do you care for pate de foie Kras. MIS-
Newscads?'' ~.
mo ma'am; and I wouldn't have ms
works in my house. 1 think these trehcn
authors is just scandalous! '-CieveLano
Leader.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-07-28
WHOSE ARMS !?

6CAA1 tC.--SAOdW4 ItCQuOAACs
WHOSE ARMS?
'1n the Good Old Summer Time"
seems to have become quite bugle call
to arms among the younger generation.
MCPHERSON Republican.
AND DAYHOFF.
About the only consolation left in the
world for Governor Hoch that we can
see is that he is not approved by Tom
Kelly.-Atchison Globe.
KANSAS HAS THE WHEAT.
1t is about time that somebody made
another kind of breakfast food out of
the berry of the wheat. 1t has been
crushed, ground. rolled, split and put up
in other ways until there are about a
dozen kinds of 1t on the market-for
breakfast.-Salina Union.
NO SURPRISE.
The news that $4,000 of questionable
Indian warrants bear the endorsement
of j. Ralph Burton creates no surprise
in Kansas. There is here and there a
little wonder as to why Burton content-
ed himself with so small percentage
of the deal.-Ottawa Republic.
%
HOW ABOUT THE STATE?
Guess Tom KeiIys resignation was
not put in escrow to meet the present
contingency. Men who were readers Of
the Toledo Blade, when Petroleum v.
Nasby's letters made it famous all over
the country, will remeber that Nasty
wrote as though he were a Democrat.
One time. after reading one of the let
tiers, an Irishman said; 'Misther Nasty
may be a Dimicrat, all right enough,
but I don't think his letters are doing
the party any good" Tom may be a
Republican all right enough but his
connection with the Devlin matter is
not doing the party any good.-Con-
cordia Kansan.
WHAT THE PEOPLE WILL DO.
If Governor Hoch continues to be
too busy to examine the state treas
ury as provided by law, he will find that
the people will not be too busy to
look after matters when the next cam
paign comes around.-Lawrence Jour-
nal.
10
WHO?
/ The Capital azgs kelly rocked the
boat" Well, ,WhQ is responsible for
Kelly being in the boat?-Holton Re
corder.
NEEDS DEFENDING NOW.
Governor Hoch defends his course"
in another newspaper interview this
morning. And yet if the course had
followed the letter of the law in regard
to treasury Investigations it would have
put up a pretty good defense on its
oNuu arcount OTTAWA Herald.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-07-28
NEEDS DEFENDING NOW.

Governor Hoch defends his course"
in another newspaper interview this
morning. And yet if the course had
followed the letter of the law in regard
to treasury Investigations it would have
put up a pretty good defense on its
own account.-Ottawa Herald.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-07-28
THE EAsIT,Y TOUCHED.

More than half the number of those who
so kindly provided a bank account of $780,
coo for the Town Topics crowd were people
to whom the doors of New York society
never did open and never will ODen
Scarcely a dozen of those whose names
are on Mr.. Astor's visiting list appear
among the subscribers to 'FadS and Fan
get there and not the people who have ar
rived who can be more readily touched"
for sums of 5000 and $4,000 when the
Town Topics collectors are making their
rounds.-Hartford Times.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-07-28

'In the Good Old Summer Time
seems to have become quite busle call
to arms among the younger generation.
MCPHERSON Republican.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-07-28
KNOCKS HIM OUT.

The ending of the strike, strange to say,
throws the innocent bystander out of
job.-Chicago Tribune.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-07-28
King Edwards Birthday.

The celebration of King Edwards
birthday this year on June 80 at all
home statiens,9 and onz November sat
all others stations, is brought about by
a curious coincidence of dates Edward
VII was born on November 9, 1871, while
London was celebrating the Inaugural
ton of her lord mayor. For more than
half a century, up to the time of Ed
wards accession, the great throngs from
the East End have been in the habit
Of spending the evening of Lord Mayors
Day, after witnessing the procession,
among the fashionable West End shops.
where the patriotic tradesmen were
wont to illuminate their places of bust
ness in honor of the birthday of the
Prince of Wales, so that it is little
wonder that some of the people got the
impression that the Examinations in rec
ognition of the heir to the throne were
merely a windup to the demonstration
over the lord mayor. While Edward
might have put up with these conditions
while he was only Prince of Wales, it
is too much to be borne now that he is
on the throne: and as London would
rise in revolt rather than change Lord
Mayors Day, the kings birthday had
to be moved instead.-Harper's Weekly.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-07-28
NUMBERs OF NO AVAIL.

A Mississippi negro at a Baptist conven-
ton declared that the negroes are in the
ma jority in heaven and hell. If they can
make no better use of their majority in
either place than they do in Mississippi. it
is not worth talking about.-St. Louis
Globe Democrat
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-07-28
The Two Mr.. RockefeIIer.s.

But when one has counted the cost
of making Mr.. Rockefeller's fortune
the cost to the public, to hts friends
and foes, and to himself, he has not
said all. There is, if you please, an
other Mr.. Rockefeller. Here
then is the other Mr.. Rockefeller, as
the world sees him, a quiet, modest,
church-going gentleman, devoted to
Sunday school picnics, golf, and wheel
ing, whose evenings are never spent in
anything more exciting than a game of
numerico, washed down by a glass of
cider, whose chief occupation, outside
of business, is giving away as much
money as he can without its doing
more harm than good, whose chief
pleasure is in fine fields and trees, in
flowers and gardening, whose smile is
friendly for young and old. who well
comes old friends. who adores his
grandchildren, and who meets criti-
cism and representation by quot
ing the meek doggerel:
There is SO much bad in the best of U.s.
There is SO much good in the worst of US,
That it scarcely behooves any of US
To talk about the rest of MS.
It is a rare "other SELF But how
harmonic it with the Mr.. Rockefeller
the business world knows, the man
with mask and a steel grip, forever
always more money; planning in
secret to wrest it from even his
friends, never forgetting, never rest
ing, never satisfied. Is the amiable
Mr.. Rockefeller a foil for the man be-
fore whom the public writhes? Does
Mr. Rockefeller know that modesty,
benevolence, and piety are the tricks
which deceive the most people the
longest time? Does Mr.. Rockefeller
know that, when he patiently points
how gentle, charitable and devoted he
is, and asks how can 1t be that a man
who is all this can do a busine ss
wrong, more people will hesitate and
keep silent than before any other
face he could present? It is suppos-
| ing a great knowledge of human ma
ture and a still greater power as an
actor so to explain Mr.. Rockefeller,
but that it is a plausible explanation
cannot be denied.-Ida M. Tarbell, in
| the August McClure's
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-07-28

BeIla-Prof. Muggins tells me that the
first principle of socialism is to divide
with your fellow man
Tom-Not as I understand 1t. On tno
contrary the first principle of socialism Is
to induce your fellow man to divide Win
you.-Puck.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-07-28

Mrs. Boggs bought a box of cigars for
her husband and some one stole them.
I'm sorry for him"
.fBoggs or the thief?'-Judge.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-07-28

Wife-Just leave me alone for a Few
minutes. L want to make up my mind.
Husband--Humi I'm afraid you'll have
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-07-28
AND DAYHOFF.

About the only consolation left in the
world for Governor Hoch that we can
see is that he is not approved by Tom
Kelly.-Atchison Globe.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-07-28

Daisy Gushley-Oh, you darlingl I just
heard of your engagement today.
Cissy Summergir1-Which one?-Town
and Country.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-07-28
WHo;

: The Ga pital azzyas kelly rocked the
boat Well, :whQ is responsible for
Kelly being in the boat ?-Holton Re-
corder.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-07-28
NO SURPRISE.

The news that $4,000 of questionable
Indian warrants bear the endorsement
of ]. Ralph Burton creates no surprise
in Kansas. There is here and there a
little wonder as to why Burton content
ed himself with so small a percentage
of the deal.-Ottawa Republic.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-07-28

LAS high roller remarked the wave,
boastful1y, you are not in 1t with me-
For which you should be thankful" re-
fniY, ft,a
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-07-28
HOW ABOUT THE STATE?
WHAT THE PEOPLE Will 90

If Governor H0ch continues to be
too busy to examine the state treas
ury as provided by law he will find that
the people will not be too busy to
look after matters when the next cam
paign comes around.-Lawrence Jour
nal.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-07-28

aren't you aware said the kind la
dy. that there is something dignified
about honest labor?"
yes, ma am" answered the unlaunder-
ed hobo. 1--WE heard NV fellers wot stood
on their dignity, but I'm satersfde t set
on mine Chicago Daily News.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-07-28
KANSAS HAS THE WHEAT.

1t is about time that somebody made
another kind of breakfast food out of
the berry of the wheat. 1t has been
crushed, ground, rolled, split and put up
in other ways until there are about a
dozen kinds of 1t on the market-for
Observation-Disclosures Union.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-07-28

See my engagement ring?" said the girl
to her friend in small up-river town.
renlied the one addressed.
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1905-08-12
A Good Thing.

Once there were two boys who
applied for jobs in dry goods store.
Henry had sandy hair and projecting
teeth and large ears, and when he
stood up he didn't seem TO know what
TO do with his hands But Herold was
very different kind of boy He pos
sessed a handsome face and was grace
full and easy in his movements. His
hands never seemed 10 be in the way;
he didn't blush every time a woman
happened to look at him, and his voice
was pleasing.
The manager of the store looked the
boys over. says the Chicago Record
Herald. and. being an excellent judge
of people he decided that Henry ought
to be kept back so9,+ ~ere out of
sight, while Herold Janreseslt in train
ing at the muslin coGoboioa
In the years that vi Henry went
from one desk to ADCt. .lways to-
ward the top, and at 40 g. 2 became
the managing partRer OIL establish
ment. soloo
But where was Herold% had not
been employed in the plaQf more than
a year and a half before rle became
A floor walker in the dressVgoOds sec
ton, where he was very poular. Wo-
men frequently went to buy things. not
because they needed them, but because
it made them glad to see Herold, TO
receive a bow or a smile from him,
or to hear the music of his voice as he
asked them if they had been able to
find what they wanted.
Many times HerOld limited that he
would appreciate promotion, and al
WAYS the ones above acknowledged
that he ought TO be advanced, but as
foorwalker in the dress goods depart
ment he was so valuable TO the firm
that they couldn't think of putting him
anywhere else.
And there he grew gray, and at last
became a joy to the granddaughters OF
the women who had deemed him
charming in his youth, and when he
died Henry sent flowers and paid him
glorious tribute by informing me
widow that the firm had lost the most
valuable fioorwalker. Moral: A good
thing may be too good for its own
GOOD