davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Vernon County censor. [volume] (Viroqua, Wis.) 1865-1955, 1905-08-02
UNCLE SANS DETECTIVE.
How Chief of the Secret Service
Proved Himself a Sherlock HoIme;.

( HOW CHER OF the secret Service
Proved Himself a Sherlock Holmes.
Now, Mr.. Lorrimer," began the
head of the secret service, launc1ins
into business at last, Il have 1pst
heard part of this very remarkable
story. We may be on tae verge Of a
most important discovery in the IN
raveling Of which. of course. a great
deal depends upon you-tle assistance
that you may give us will count as
he first factor In running this crime
to earth. Mr. Fowler has very CON
ciselv related to me the main incidents
a you nave told them Now. what
you must snow me is all the evidence
You possess. and leave Tho rest to me
and to my agents. We will not bottle,
you more than Is %ecessary and your
name will not have to be mentioned
publicly I understand that you have
the bill waicn you found In tae room
Of the old German who went By the
name Of Strauss. or straub--the bin
that you found in the wallet If I re-
member correctly"
4 nave It nere," replied Lorrimer.
putting down his cigar, which he han
allowed to go out. on the edge Of the
desk. But before we go on" he add
ed there Is something else want 10
show you first. It has worried me
greatly"
1--WE will call It exhibit a. said the
lawyer, resting his hand reassuringly
on Lorrimer's shoulder as his client
fumbled in the pocket Of his coat.
The large pocket-boOk appeared
wedged in the lining It was with
difficulty that the nervous man could
draw It fortn. From plain white
envelope addressed, ITO Mr.. Lorr p.
mer," in a round. printed hand. ne took
a folded Illustration, cut from one OF
the comic papers.
This was put under my front door
last night" said he MY man found
| it this morning"
The picture showed a man seated at
desk, surrounded by four -ougl-
looking characters. each 1nIIing a
/ pair Of revolYers.
Mr. Fowler put on his glasses ana
read the legend which was headed:
/ "Handy Reasons
"Defaulting Executor ito friends OF
late deceased: WHAT reasons can
vor snow me gentlemen for answering
your question?
Spokesman: Forty-eight-six in
each hand"
Nj Fowler pushed the clipping over
10 Mr. wilkins, who put fl in his
pocket.
"seems Ike a threat OF joke ne
Vernon County censor. [volume] (Viroqua, Wis.) 1865-1955, 1905-08-02
Advice 10 New Writers.

# you want to learn to write, set
about It in a practical way. Read a
great deal of the work of the masters
OF shortstory writing I might refer
you 10 Boccacci0 and Chaucer, but to
modern men let US first give modern
examples. Read the short tales Of
Stevenson, Bret Harte and H. c. Bun
ner Of Mr.. Thomas Hardy, Mr. Aid
rich and Mr.. JaEyier, Not only read,
but study them. And all the while
Practise on stories of your own. What
you write one week tear up the next.
n Is not likely that any masterpieces
viii be lost. Square your work with
the work of these writer's. Fill your
self so full of good example that you
viii have the short-story feeling"
Thus you viii unconsciously become
a judge of what you do.
Vernon County censor. [volume] (Viroqua, Wis.) 1865-1955, 1905-08-02

know not what like mixtures Why,
then, should not the stomach be ulti-
mately superannuated altogether?
A man who could not only leave his
dinner to be cooked. but also leave it
to be masticated and digested, would
have vast social advantages over his
food-digesting fellow. This is. let me
remind YOU here. the calmest most
passionless, and scientific working out
of the future forms of things from the
data Of the present. III. G. Wells in
METROPOLITAN Magazine.
Vernon County censor. [volume] (Viroqua, Wis.) 1865-1955, 1905-08-02
Senator knox,s Joke.

This story found its way to Wash
ngton from tne norta: President
Roosevelt, in a recent conversation
with Senator Knox Of Pennsylvania
a ked the senator what he thought OF
his appointment of Charles }. oona.
parte to place in the cabinet
You have heard of the man Nc
Ginnis," replied Mr. Knox, who ..ept
a saloon @ad lived with his family VI
over tie saloon. One day his bal
tender shouted up the stairs:
'McGinnis. shall thrust Tin
O'Leary for a drink
Has he had the drink calico
back McGinnis
He has.
Thin thrust him."
Vernon County censor. [volume] (Viroqua, Wis.) 1865-1955, 1905-08-02
VERM MT ONCE A REPUBLIC.
In the Days of Ethan Allen the State
Was So Called.

In the Days of Ethan Allen the State
Was So Called.
Tae Republic of Vermont-such was
the name of the Green mountain state
in the days of Ethan Allen and John
Stark before she joined the union.
Then ler people had the marked char
'acteristics of a free and independent
race and Vermonters have ever shown
themselves worthy of the brotherhood
of ''tle old thirteen" which they were
the first to enter after the adoption OF
the cons titution.
The sturdy traits which made the
sons and daughters of this common.
wealth famous in the eighteenth cen
fury have been communicated in large
degree to their descendants. Aside
from recent additions to he population
by French from canada Vermont al
ways has been singularly free from
foreign admixture, It's people are al
most entirely agricultural, and manu-
featuring is carried on by only small
percentage of the population.
No slave was ever owned in Vermont
and 1t was Vermont Judge who
brought to book a southern STAKEHOLDER
showing bill of sale for slave he
sought to reclaim. The bill was re-
fused status in court and when the
naughty soptherrer demanded to ne
told what sort of title would be accep-
table Judge Theophilus Harrington re-
plied: "A bill of sale from God Al
MIGHTY"
Vernon County censor. [volume] (Viroqua, Wis.) 1865-1955, 1905-08-02
RAcE.mAD NEW YORK.

Some day, somewhere, there may be
something offered to the summer-worn
man and woman that is better than
horse-raeing, but not yet has 1t been
found. And New York, seeming only
to have discovered it, is race-mad.
Race-mad isn't precisely the express
sion. The big city is just learning
how mucn there is in the country be-
side idleness, and that among all these,
for a gentle Utilization or for a nerve
rack, if one wants so severe a medicine
Tor midsummer rousing, there is moth.
ing so good as one of these yellow and
green afternoons down where the rata,
plan beats-the rataplan of the thor.
oughbreds doing their noblest for glory
and for gold. We have much for W. oh
to thank this fellow we call the thor.
oughbred. These be his days. July is
his month above all others. and ne Is
the daily god for the worship of thirty
thousand of the people of New York
Metropolitan Magazine.
Vernon County censor. [volume] (Viroqua, Wis.) 1865-1955, 1905-08-02
Honest Men HOLDING Back.

Dirty politics" is phrase in very
common use nowadays. But why is it
common and why Is it appropriate?
Simply because many people treat the
science and ert of government as they
treat no other science. art, profession
or vocation. If men refused to ] ecome
lawyers because some barristers prac-
tice barraIy the profession would Ill
timatek be nothing but an association
Of cnrfuptionists. II men Of business
capabilities refused to go into the dry
goods or the grocery trade because
some dishonest men engaged in the
same lines the whole trade would in
time be in the hands of dishonest men
only. II men of means refused to be-
come manufacturers because scoun-
drels operated large mills all such in
dust'ies would be controlled by fraud
ulent methods. Yet tens of thousands
of citizens, not only capable of enter
ing politics, but whose unqualified 1uty
1t is to do SO. hold aloof because they
claim that the science of government
has fallen into unworthy hands. why
don't they come forward and take it
out of such hands?-New York Even
ing News.
Vernon County censor. [volume] (Viroqua, Wis.) 1865-1955, 1905-08-02
THE MAN OF THE FUTURE
He VIII Be an Earless, Noseless, Hair
less Creature.

In the prehistoric period even,
mans mouth had ceased TO he an in
strument for grasplng food; it is still
growing less prenensile, his front
teeth are smaller. his lips are thinner
end less muscular; he has new or,
gan, mandible not of irreparable It's
sue, but of bone and steel-a In fe and
fork. There is no reason why things
should stop at the partial artificial d.
vision thus afforded; there is every
reason, on the contrary, TO believe my
stat ement that some cunning exterior
mechanism will presently masticate
and insalivate his dinner. relieve his
diminishing salivary glands and teeth,
and at last altogether abolish item.
Then, what is not II eded disappears,
What use is there for external ears.
nose, and brow ridges now? The two
latter once protected the eye from in
jury in conflict and in falls, but in
these days we keep on our legs and are
at peace Directing his thoughts in
this way, the reader may presently
conjure up a dim, strange vision of the
latter-day face: Eyes large. lustrous,
beautiful, soulful; above them, no long
err separated by rugged brow ridges, is
the top of the head, a glistening, hair
less dome, terete and teaui ful; nc
craggy nose rises to disturb by its I'M
meaning shadows the symmetry OF
that calm face. no vestigial ears pre-.
iect; the mouth is a small, perfectly
round aperture, toothless ana gunless
jswless. unanimal, no futile emotions
disturbing its roundness as it lies, like
the harvest moon or the evening star
in the wide armament of the face
ucd is the face the professor beholds
in the future
Of course parallel notifications w..
also effect the bod and limbs. Eve )
day so many hours ami so much energy
are required for digestion: a gross
/ torptdity, a caTnal lethargy, seizes or
mortal men after dinner This may
and can be ayoI4ed Mans knowledge
of organic chemistry wiIens daily
Already he can supplement the gastrf,
glands by artificial devices. livery
doctor VINO administers physic implies
that the bodily functions may be arti
ficially superseded. We have pepsine
pancreatine. artificial gastric acid
Vernon County censor. [volume] (Viroqua, Wis.) 1865-1955, 1905-08-02
Didn't Need a Gun.

A certain Massachusetts doctor who
lived among the Berkshire hills was
fond Of hunting and at the same time
ne was slow in answering to the calls
OF his patients. One morning he was
aroused by a servant of one Of his pa
tients who lived at distance and told
to go and see him right away. The
doctor began TO prepare, but was. as
usual, very slow. After he went out
TO the buggy he turned to go hack into
the house. He thought he would be
able to do some hunting on the way
after he hal seen TIE case. Reaching
the door, he turaed ami asked the ner-
VOWS servant. DO you think had bet
Ter take my gun along?" Gun? No!
The man will be dead enough at this
rate before you get there"
Vernon County censor. [volume] (Viroqua, Wis.) 1865-1955, 1905-08-02
A SHAH AT TIE DERRY

The late shah of Persia Nasr-ed- Din
was the guest of the royal house of
England. In tie course of courtesles
he was taken down by the then prince
Of Wales to see the running of the
Derby at EPSON Downs. 4'he austere
gentleman noted the intensity Of the
enthusiasm waen some Thoroughbred
in close finish teat his field. He was
quite curious about 1t. v ~ are the
people making all the noise! ne
asked. Why, don't 20 see that A
has won the Derby?" answered the
Vernon County censor. [volume] (Viroqua, Wis.) 1865-1955, 1905-08-02
Father Was Right There.

In a ca e recently tried in an Iowa
court, boy about il years old had
been put on the stand ana the OPP
posing counsel was examining him.
After the usual preliminary questions
as to Tie witness age. residence and
the like. he proceeded:
Have you any occupation"
No"
Don't YOU do any work of any
kind?"
NO"
Just loaf about homer"
That's about all"
What does your father dor"
"Nothin' much"
Doesn't ne do anything to support
the family?"
He does odd jobs once in while
WREN he can get tlem."
AS a matter Of fact. isn't your
father a pretty worthless fellow, a
dcad-beat and a loafer?"
Il d""'t know. sir; you'd better ask
him. He's slttin" over there on the
Jury.
Vernon County censor. [volume] (Viroqua, Wis.) 1865-1955, 1905-08-02

This house is Of the English type,
the lower story Of frame, upper story
timbered and rough-cast, or cement.
The panellings real timDers. The roof
is shingled, though Of course fiat tiles
can be used at greater cost. The whole
design is extremely pleasing and
graceful in its outlines. From the
piazza you enter a large vestibule with
seat on one siJe and on the other a
large window for flowers. The seat is
a confined haIl seat and stand. The
hall has a large brick fireplace and a
seat ari the staircase is a fine one
with excellent finish. All Of this is to
be oak. Flemish or antique as pre-
ferred The parlor is a good room
Vernon County censor. [volume] (Viroqua, Wis.) 1865-1955, 1905-08-02

prince. Then with gravity Observed
the potentate: Were they not al
ready aware that one horse can run
faster than another?' Yet to satisfy
themselves that ~one horse can run
faster than another. there Is two
million doiIar place for the eeing and
joying, fitting tribute OF this big, JOY
Gus land to the sport which is its fore
most recreation. Maza
zine.
Vernon County censor. [volume] (Viroqua, Wis.) 1865-1955, 1905-08-02
A Lady,s Seventeen MlIls.

Mrs. Eliza Roche, widow Of a bank
manager, who resided at kildorrery
county Cork, had e2.70O to dispose OF
at the time of her death. During five
years before her demise she had made
As many as seventeen wills, and the
last will being contested in court. pro
bate has been granted on terms of a
settlement.-London Mail.
Vernon County censor. [volume] (Viroqua, Wis.) 1865-1955, 1905-08-02
An Insinuation.

YES. dear, my mother always
trimmei her own hats"
rs this her photograph"
"Yes
"Then I suppose that's the reason
the photographer took her barehead
Cd. "-Cleyeland Plain Dealer.
Vernon County censor. [volume] (Viroqua, Wis.) 1865-1955, 1905-08-02
A Feminine Comment.

Here, Maria, here is a story about
thirty Buffalo women who cooked on
one stove for more than a year and
didn't have single quarrel in all that
time"
What an amiably stupid lot they
must have beer" Cleveland Plain
Dealer
Vernon County censor. [volume] (Viroqua, Wis.) 1865-1955, 1905-08-02
Nothing Artleulate.

You never heard of the Scaiwells'
family SHELTON nowadays" observed
Rivers.
NO" said Brooks They have ac-
oumulated so many bones that every
body has forgotten It's existence
Vernon County censor. [volume] (Viroqua, Wis.) 1865-1955, 1905-08-02

with mantel at the side. The living
room has an open partition, SO that 1t
can be made 10 look like Part Of the
hall The dining room, in back of liy-
ing room, is a very pretty room, with
corner fireplace which will be built
ever with cupboard and china closet.
It's window effect is very pretty and It
leads 10 a back porch In the lobby
leading TO the pantry Is a coat closet
aud Iavatorv The pantry is a large
fne one, ana there is an additional
store room back, as will be seen. The
kitchen IS well arranged. Laundry
tubs and servants toilet are in the
CELLAR On the second floor are FIVE
bedrooms AMI bath room, and also a
Vernon County censor. [volume] (Viroqua, Wis.) 1865-1955, 1905-08-02

II Mr.. Carnegie really wants to die
92cr he might try raising chickens for
lToft.
Vernon County censor. [volume] (Viroqua, Wis.) 1865-1955, 1905-08-02

little sewing or sitting room. It has a
large work closet The two front
rooms form a suite with the bath, all
the rooms having excellent closets
with wardrobe fronts. The square
projecting window on the stairs Is for
flowers and can be enclosed, if desired,
with a glass shutter on the inside The
attic contains thee good rooms. The
heating Is not included In The estimate.
There IS good open plumbing. Except
ing the hall ami staircase, there is no
hardwood finish, though where hard
woods, such as chestnut, birch, CT oak
are cheap, they can be used The floor
ing is of hard wood on the FIRST floor.
The cellar Is cemented.
Vernon County censor. [volume] (Viroqua, Wis.) 1865-1955, 1905-08-02

In time of war don't read between
the lines. You might be gcbbled up.
The Cecil Whig. [volume] (Elkton, Md.) 1841-current, 1905-11-11

or advancing money with which to
move the crops that are grown in the
remoter regions of the Southwest or the
distant Northwest.
No expert can estimate accurately the
gains that will come this year to the
farmers, the surplus that will be left
for them after paying expenses, which
represents their profits. Some of the
most experienced experts have vcnturcd
to estimate that the farmers of the
United States this year as a whole will
find themselves to the good by not less
than S300,000,000, and possibly $780,
100000. These are the gains as well rs
those which the great transportation
companies expect to receive for carry
ing the agricultural products from the
harvest fields to the market to which
Mr.. Vanderlip referred in his address to
the National Bankers Association at
Washington. The United States as a
whole ought to be richer by reason OF
the years industry, agricultural and
manufacturing ard transportation, by
an amount considerably in excess Of a
thousand millions.
The Cecil Whig. [volume] (Elkton, Md.) 1841-current, 1905-11-11
Increasing Wealth in the Vest.

In commenting on the need which
has hitherto manifested itself in the
West for calling upon Eastern money
centers for funds with which to move
Western crops, New York financial
letter states that with conditions as
they were ten years ago, the present
record-breaking crop would have
strained the capacity of the New York
financial centers to the utmost to fur
nish sufficient funds. So greatly, how
ever, has the wealth Of the West in
creased and so large are the surplus
reserves of the farmers that even with
crops so stupendous as to amaze Eu-
rope, New York financiers have been
hardly Inconvenience by the demands
for funds. In not distant future it is
predicted the West of the Mississippi
Valley and Of the Missouri Valley as
well will be found exclusively lending
The Cecil Whig. [volume] (Elkton, Md.) 1841-current, 1905-11-11
sndSss@=Kz &c d sE7=s=zssss4ss 71g7 D
G 14ysS$INkss5 THE AMERICAN GRAPE Ezz5=2>..5
SS35S3Y%@ INDUSTRY. 1-1,ly1J3SS
SSS46R Increasing Branch Horticulture X35YSS
wv * ~ q
A Great and Increasing Branch of HorticuItur
GUY ELLIOTT MITCHELL.

1.-THE grape Is the poor mans fruit, es--
pecially one who has only house lot oil
the smallest possible dimensions. He can
plant vines beside his cottage and their
roots will extend and profitably occupy
every inch of ground underneath it and
from that small space produce all the fruit
his family can consume while the vines
afford shade and protection and add
beauty TO his little home, occupying no
space, either above or below the ground
to interfere with other interests, and
producing more fruit in less time and
with less labor and attention than any
thing that was ever planted
All Of which is charming in truth
unless the phylloXera or the downy
mildew or the aphis or the dry rot be
come appurtenances to vine, or the
chickens or small boys OF the neigh
borhood steal all the grapes just as
they are getting ripe.
Chickens, however, should be kept in
pens, and if every small boys father
had a grape vine which furnished all
the fruit his family could consume
there would be no incentive TO pillaEe
the nelghDor's vines.
AS for the downy mildcw and the
other ailments to Which civilized grape
The Cecil Whig. [volume] (Elkton, Md.) 1841-current, 1905-11-11
GASOLINE PGU'ER ENGINES.
Constitutes Great Saving in Horse
and Man Power Have Come
Into General Use on Many
Prosperous Farms
and Homes.

Inexpensive, reliable power on the
farm and around the home is becom-
ing more and more desirable these
days when unskilled labor is so high
and hard TO procure. Gasoline engines,
which when started practically take
care Of themselves, are rapidly sup
planting steam engines and horse pow
er, the operation OF which requires con
slant attention. The difference in the
cost of operating and the alYantage Of
starting at a moments notice has ad-
vanced tie popularity Of gasoline en-
gines where comparatively small power
is required il contrast with other
power devices.
4 few years ago we heard but little
about gasoline engines for Use on the
farms, while to-day we find many of
them on up-to-date farms AMI small
business plants. This growing inttr-
est has been brou",t about largely
through the Improvements that have
The Cecil Whig. [volume] (Elkton, Md.) 1841-current, 1905-11-11
Chinese /" Cash.

Consular reports from China are to
the effect that the prospect of re-
form or rather revolution in the money
system of that Empire is not very
bright, in spite of the promi~es to that
end which have been made. There are
number of influential elements pre-
venting the change which nations do
ing business in China have asked,
among others the bankers who profit
by the great variations in values of
the same kind of coins in different
cities as well as the provincial officials
who mint them. The money of the
people is still brass and copper, and to
introduce a new system will be diff
cult owing to the dread on the part Of
the public of anything new. Gold
and silver may continue to control the
price paid for exports, but copper and
brass will for a long time govern pro-
duction.
The Cecil Whig. [volume] (Elkton, Md.) 1841-current, 1905-11-11

been made by manufacturers during
late years in simplifying the working
PARTS of the engines SO that the aver
age man can operate them with the
case of an expert As a matter of fact,
a bright boy can handle modern gas
oline engine with but little teaching.
Take the farmer who has never Seen
gasoline engine and let him start and
stop one a few times and study some
Of the principles of operating it
and in a few days lie will become as
familiar with it's workings as he would
with a team of horses or a tread-mill.
The general usefulness of a machine
of this sort on farm is apparent.
There is ensilage to cut, wood to saw,
feed to grind, corn to shell, water to
pump in fact a multitude of things
that can be done with a gasoline en-
CINE at small expense.
The Cecil Whig. [volume] (Elkton, Md.) 1841-current, 1905-11-11

John Adams was the author Of the
motto, "E Pluribus Unum,"
The Cecil Whig. [volume] (Elkton, Md.) 1841-current, 1905-11-11
CHICKENS AS GARDENERS.
Can Be Taught to Pull Weeds and
Harvest Grain.

81 see as how scientific perfesser
has trained yaller dorg to count ten
an answer fool questions" said the
hired man to the tourist. ivy that
amt nothin.' l knows an old Teller
back ycre in tn Valley what beats
that ali to flinders. Began raisin
chickens when he was a boy. l seen
some bantams he had no biggern' leas
an game birds what cd step over a
siX-fOot fence. But Tat amt nOthin'.
Last time I was down t Lis place he
had AundCrd-acrc farm an bout ten
thousand chickens, an was raisin'
truck for carly northern markets.
Powerful big chickens they was, an
he had 'em trained SOS they'd work
his farm for him. They wasn't weed
nur a blade o grass i'll that whole
farm 'ccp'n in the pastures. An bugs?
wy they cudu't later bug, nur Il cut
worm, nur even a cabbage flea get a
foot inside o that farm aforc n
chicken had i'm. An that wasn't all.
Them chickens cd see at night Guess
he must a crossed 'em with owls.
Anyways, he never worried none
bout early frost. If twas cold in the
spring them chickens was out all
night cOvcrin' up tomatoes an beans
an ev'ythin' tender. lest squat over
the plants with their wings spread
out an set there till sun up He had
tomatoes three weeks ahead o. any
body else. An that wasn't all. When
he planted his bccts en- turnips en-
passnips lie sowed 'cm powerful thick