The Caldwell tribune., 1905-08-19
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Sax--Your new auro is sixteen horse
power, isn't it7 Fox-Um! Sixteen
balky horse power.-Brooklyn Life.
Diner-I'ye been waiting half an
hour for that chicken ordered. Wait
er-You have an uncommon amount Of
patience, sir.-Judge.
Shells skin grating very late
discovery? He-No, it ID only a new
branch of very old art; all grating Is
skin profess.--Detroit Free Press.
Sometimes a man is despised for
twenty or thirty years because he Is so
shngy, and then envied all the rest
OF his life because he Is SO rich.-som-
erville Journal. -,..A u.. ~- j. .a.
You haven't been here long" re-.
marked the ink-well. NO" replied the
new blotter. How do you like your
workT" "Well, its certainly absorb
Ing. g."-Philadelphia Ledger. e #$.
Husband-You ought to know more
than to order a pearl necklace when
you know how I'm fixed! Wife-Why,
John, do you think l want everybody
to know how you're fxed?-Puck.
"Well, Doctors Brown and Smith are
going to operate upon old Gotrox." "Is
the operation necessary" why, yes;
Brown has a note coming due, and
Smith wants an automobile Puck.
Mistress Ito applicant for cooks po-
sition)-Why did you leave your last
place? Appllcant-You are very in
quisitive, marin, didn't ak yer what
for yer last cook left you.--P1ck-M Me-
Up.
Miss Innit-You seemed bored at the
theater last night, Mr.. Knott. Don't
you like Shakespeare? Mr. Wyso
Knott-Oh, Shakespeare's all right, I
s'pose, but wisht he'd turn out some
thing new.-Ex.
ALBERT, dear, while looking through
some Of your old clothes, I made such
a lucky find that l ordered a new dress
on the strength of it." What was it.
dear7" Half a dozen checks that had
never been written on"
Rastus Ito druggist)-Look hyah
m1Eteh. Yo' all sole me some stuff to
make Easteh aigs yestuddy. Drug.
g1st-Well2 Rastus-Well, feed hit
to dem hens, an dey ain lay no aigs
-dey lay down en- die.
Mrs. Smith-Had your daughter a
pleasant voyage? Mrs. Newrich-Yes
but they must have had an accident
She wrote she landed on Terra Frma
and know the boat was bound fol
Liverpool.-New York Mail.
Growell Gn cheap restaurant)-Here
waiter! Are these mutton or pork
chops? Waiter-Can't you tell by the
taste? Growell-No. Waiter-Ther
what difference does 1t make wha
they are?-Illustrate Bits.
Mammal thought there was an ap
pie on the sideboard and l was going
to give it to you, but l find it ISM
there! Freddy--WelI will you give
me something else, mummy, COS /
wasn't very good ne?-Punch.
OAS-ud4l VI IuS WOAIu b Id pplllCSS IL
solved when a person learns 10 mlnt
his own business" Eyes, but it's tn,
other half that causes the most trou
BILE" whats that?" Getting othe
people to mind theirs detroit Ere,
Press.
Mrs. Gadabout-People are saying
you called on Mrs. Verdigris the othe
day: and got a setback. Mrs. Upjohl
What wilful perversion of truth!
called on her, and got back a set .
Dickens that I'd loaned her two year
before.
Mrs. Nuwad-Here's the bread
started to make to-day. Isn't 1t to-
annoying? Mr.. Nuwed-Why, it ISM
baked at all. Mrs. Nuwed-I know
isn't; that's just it. l put plenty o
baking powder in 1t, but it doesn'
seem to have worked.
La Montt-Children are SO muc,
worse than they used to be. Wha
do ycu attribute 1t to? La Moyne-
Improved ideas in building. La Mont
What has that to do with 1t? L
Moyne-Much. Shingles are scarce
and you can't spank a boy with ii
roof.
A Process Reversed: You regar
campaign calculations as a distinc
branch of mathematics" Yes al
swered the erudite parsonage. "Th
method differs from all others, YO
start with the answer, and then wor
backward and evolve a problem
demonstrate it."
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