The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1905-09-10

party) the good man forthwith files into
7;iction-gets ready at the expense of great
energy and considerable money to amusei
ME. 45{t 55' 8l z 3 l.i ssl ISIS hi.
i. First Of all the gigantic NAV Of the
the guest like heimuzzle of an old time
$blunderbuss. and then the host begins MS
The thing is delight ful7welrdly5 fasc 't
That is, itsis delightful for just about
And item l'ut tie visitor begins to want 10
do some OF the talking myself or per
chance TO hear a word orrso from the
other people.
but no.
+ The phonograph has I he floor and there
is no yawning Its metallic batancy into
IFS rauclous notes as II in diabollcal
frenzy or loGuacity. 6,tt
And all the while It's owner. who
operntes the e.; dread engine Of tortufei rs
10 amuses you. His whole motto appears
TO be:s
behold the child, BY Natures kindly
Pleased with rattle, tlckled with a
Some iyeller plaything gives his youth
q little louder but as empty quite"
AT the end Of the first round after the
vaudeville man. deep down in the fun
slel.3has shresed out a few metallic Wit
ticisms, you express loud appreciation. q
This sets thcfP. p. aglow with pleasure.
He drags out a second disc of gutta
percha loquacity.
Again the guest expresses appreciation.
though In tones Just little fcebler than
,{those before. ,s
And thereupon the p. sP.,5 who is in
deadly earnest now and bent OH anus
Ing yon If 1t costs him his life. hauls
I forth third slab Of manufactured speech
and the brazeil nav resumes Its ungodly
sputterings. 5s
The guest once moro expresses nppro-
lbation-ths time in monosyllables.
But monosyllabic approval is enough
for the II. p.
He burrows under the piano and un-
versatlon. The accursed apparatus with
tho unhagging energy OF a preacher for
the fourth time, says things.
Wonderful" you remark from the
depths OF q dry throat.
Exulting n his own capaoity,to amuse
YOU the p. +. starts the internal machine
ngsun. ana you naNe N snatcn or hunor
in the New England negro dialect.
This time you nearly grunt.
Grunts, BY the way, are most useful
things on earth. They can be construed
to signify any human emotion-joy, sor-
row. anguish, delight amusement, ennui
or despair. IN M
grunt to signify eNultation.
He forthwith dishes, UP another plat
ter Of funnyisnls, which are hoarsely bell
lowed forth from the bruzen mouth piece
This time yol are ,mum-lread[tu / y,
Would like TO XII your host with some
blunt instrument something that would
make great dents IN him and cause ~
copious now of blood
But the good man, all unsuspectlng, Is
$datermEed to amuse YOU J4
x With Il sparkle Of pleasure In his eye,
he assures you that the photograph has
not yet exhausted it's x, repertoire.
sfn t.n ns 'ha = hs ean time y9 Sd fee
s sutn TIC tic sound sou to 10 signify pleasure,
But he does.
salvation comes, however, from an I'M
expected source l'he retirement OF your
life shut UP in the house With the infer
nal machine gives you mn linkllng OF
possible change OF programme. Anon
dishes and the harmony produced by tho
assortment of your entertainers best
sknlVesnnd forks,
(. oh sos,. io ns pa tells you that you
WHEN ths announcement comes YOU
struggle bravely TO dissumulate surprise
and pretend you are I'D with de-3
And And So SO your our host reverentially lays
aside hts believing. wheezlng, s1lleaking,
WHINING, Vi HOE -l-l ms lliFoutyS II instrument
of torture, and you limber up your saliy-
airy glands for food ndr-conyersatio Ion. IL
afThe wife of the r, =, has her Inning
now. 7, ai4
she serves chops which wallow In gravy
and ilEa frlnged with lettuce,
Il You don't care Ii she does. What IL \
the greasa does triekle down on your
sShtn2 /, Ill 81, d !. vi n. 81
Influence OF .yolr pleasing enylfonments
anu the wholesome IFS of the Kitchen
(Which your hostess would rather YOU