Baxter Springs news. [volume] (Baxter Springs, Kan.) 1882-1919, 1905-10-26
"'Gentlemen. I am an American citI-

Gentlemen, am an American citi-
ven, visiting the crowned heads OF the
old world. with credentials from the
president OF the United States, and
day after tomorrow I have a date TO
meet your king. on ofiicial business
that means much 20 the future peace
OF our respective countries. Lay q
hand on me and you hang from the
yard arm OF an American battleship.'
"Well, sir, I have seen q good many
bluffs In my time, but | never saw the
equal of that. for the detective turned
white, and apologized, and asked dad
and out to luncheon at the next sta
ton. and we went and ate all there
was. and when the time was up the
detective disappeared and dad had to
pay for the luncheon, but he kicked all
the way to London. and the guard
would not listen to his complaints, Blu:
told him II he tried to hold up tie
train he would be thrown out the vim
dow and run over by the train. We
had the compartment to ourselves the
rest of the way to London. except
about an hour, when the guard showed
In q farmer who smelled like cows,
and dad tried to get in q quarrel with
him. about English roast beef coming
from America but the man didn't have
his arguing clothes on, so dad began
to find fault with me, and the man
told dad to let up on the kid or ae
would punch is bloody ed of. That
settled 1t, when the man dropped his
III" dad thought he was one OF the
nobility. and he got quite chummy
with the Englishman. and then we got
to London, and dad had quarrel
about his baggage, and after threaten
ing to have lot of fights he got mis-
trunk on the roof OF a cab, and IN
about an hour we got to the hotel, and
then the fog began an engagement. II
tie fog here ever froze stiff, the town
would look like q piece Of ice with
fish frozen in. Gee, but / would like
to have II freeze in front of our hotel,
so could take an ak and go out and
chop a frozen girl out, and thaw her
till she came TO.
Say, old man, If anybody ever wants
to treat you to trip to Europe, don't
come here. but so to some place where
they don't think they can speak Eng
glish. You can understand Nitalian
or a Frenchman. or a Dutchman, who
can't speak English. and knows he
can't, better than you can an English
man who thinks he can speak Eng
lish, and can't, don't you know.
Everything is don't you know II
q servant gives you an evening paper
he says: ''Ere's your paper, don't
you know, and If a man sholld-I
don't say they would, but If a man
should give you civil answer, when
you asked him the name Of street,
he would look at you as though you
were q cannibal, and say: Regent
street. don't you know and then he
would act as though you had broken
him of his rest. Dad asked more than
q dozen men where Bill Aston lived.
and Of all the population of London
don't believe anybody knows. except |
one newsboy. We rode half day on
top of a bus, through streets SO crowd
ed that the horses had to creep. and
dad hung on for fear the bus would
be tipped over, and finally we got out
into the suburbs. where the rich peo-
pie live, and dad said we were right
On the trail Of King Edward, and we
got of and loitered around. and dad
saw beautiful place, with big iron
fence, and a gate as big as railroad
bridge, and dad asked a newsboy who /
lived there. and the boy made up a
ace at dad and said: 'H'astor, you
'loke,' and he put out his hand for
tip. It was the first civil answer dad
had received in London, so he gave the
boy a dollar. The boy fell over ON
The sidewalk, dead, and dad started to
go away for fear he would be arrest
I'd for murder, but I kicked the boy.
and he got up and yelled some kind