davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Virginia enterprise. [volume] (Virginia, St. Louis County, Minn.) 1893-19??, 1905-12-01
Absurd.

Last night l slapped mosquito on
the face"
"HOw absurd"
whats absurd?"
"Slapping mosquito on the facet
"You didn't let me finish. I slapped
him on the face of my girl; and her
father thought it was the smack OF
kiss he had heard, and he bounced
down stairs and chased me block. -
Houston Post.
The Virginia enterprise. [volume] (Virginia, St. Louis County, Minn.) 1893-19??, 1905-12-01
Keeping Things STRAIGHT

neeP1Hg things Stfa1ght.
somebody left the faucet of the
vinegar barrel open last night" said
the grocer's clerk, land there amt a
drop left.''
Him! That's too bad. Tell the book
keeper to enter it under the head of
running expenses" Chicago Record
Herald.
The Virginia enterprise. [volume] (Virginia, St. Louis County, Minn.) 1893-19??, 1905-12-01
A Rare Woman.

JinkS-I never saw house where
everything ran SO smoothly as at
BrOadbrin's
Ministries; lucky fellow, Broad
grin. He's got a wife who knows how
to keep the servants amused while she
does the work.-N. Y. Weekly.
The Virginia enterprise. [volume] (Virginia, St. Louis County, Minn.) 1893-19??, 1905-12-01
ConpEred.

Some clever folks who never work
Still make the greatest showing.
The rooster never lays an egg,
But he does all the Growing.
-CaSSell's
The Virginia enterprise. [volume] (Virginia, St. Louis County, Minn.) 1893-19??, 1905-12-01
What's in g. NamkP

Cousin blackwell, I've just heard
the details of uncle's will. He leaves
everything to the heathen..
Cousin Jane-Oh, we'll, never mind
what he calls us, so long as we get it.
Judge
The Virginia enterprise. [volume] (Virginia, St. Louis County, Minn.) 1893-19??, 1905-12-01
The Odds Against Him.

The Odds Against Him.
els there chance for me, Gladys?"
'There is, George-one in a Million -
George was young man of some ex-
perience.
'That's too long a shot" he ex-
claimed, picking up his hat.-Chicago
Tribune.
The Virginia enterprise. [volume] (Virginia, St. Louis County, Minn.) 1893-19??, 1905-12-01

Filling the Bill.
Said the gas Office clerk.
'Im performing my work
With great and exceptional skill.
1t is widely agreed
That 1 always succeed
In thoroughly filling the bill"
Washington Star.
The Virginia enterprise. [volume] (Virginia, St. Louis County, Minn.) 1893-19??, 1905-12-01
His Point of View,

r. JOnes-Have you home? & f
Beggar-;Yes;; but it's a thousand
miles from here
81 Jones-You look as miserable as if
it were right around the block.-Towp
Topics.
The Virginia enterprise. [volume] (Virginia, St. Louis County, Minn.) 1893-19??, 1905-12-01

whats the trouble over in the lady
snake charmer's tent?"
ooh, some one slid an angleworm IN
to the tent and scared her into a
spasm."-N Y. Sun.
The Virginia enterprise. [volume] (Virginia, St. Louis County, Minn.) 1893-19??, 1905-12-01
MiSnaned.

Glf1e-McPompous is always butting
IN with what he calls his humble opin-
ion.
Spinks-Yes, and that amt the worst
Of it
The Virginia enterprise. [volume] (Virginia, St. Louis County, Minn.) 1893-19??, 1905-12-01

Glthe-What do you mean?
Splnks-His humble opinion is too
derned arrogant to suit me.-Chicago
Sum-
The Virginia enterprise. [volume] (Virginia, St. Louis County, Minn.) 1893-19??, 1905-12-01

Ground bone is the best form Of
pnosphoric acid to use with lime.
The Virginia enterprise. [volume] (Virginia, St. Louis County, Minn.) 1893-19??, 1905-12-01
The Real Trouble.

AAV ASSo4 =
HAS the circulation of your new
gone up?" 80
NC; but the magazine has."-Life.
The Virginia enterprise. [volume] (Virginia, St. Louis County, Minn.) 1893-19??, 1905-12-01
CLUB NOTES.

One of our exchanges gives the fol-
lowing cure for insomnia:
II suppose all of us are suffering
from the invasion of electricity. My
old friend Bounce, who was a victim
OF insomnia for 40 years, thinks he
sleeps now better than any other man
on earth. He lost his way in the Adj
rondacks and stayed overnight in the
cabin of forester. His sleep was the
deep sleep of just man made perfect,
and in the morning he found that he
had not moved an inch all night.
It's the insulation the forester
insisted. You city folks are killing
yourself with contact. If you'll break
the contact you'll be able to sleep and
get your nerves back
This matter of contact was finally
explained to mean that our bedposts
are in contact with the floors, the floors
with the walls and the walls with
mother earth. so that whatever per-
sonal magnetism man has in him
goes away in the night time, leaving
him like log on his mattress. The
forester had obtained four glass insu-
lators from telegraph poles somewhere
and screwed them on the posts of his
guest bed. so that the electricity could
not run away. Bounce, the very day he
got home, insulated his bed, and from
that moment to the present his in.
somnia has been banished"
I have frequently recommended the
insulation Of the bed for insomnia as
we'll as for other forms of nervousness
Try it
The Virginia enterprise. [volume] (Virginia, St. Louis County, Minn.) 1893-19??, 1905-12-01

Little Willie-Oh, auntie, do come
,up!-there's such lovely view from
the top here!
The Virginia enterprise. [volume] (Virginia, St. Louis County, Minn.) 1893-19??, 1905-12-01

Sumner.-Dr. David H. Reeder, La
porte, Ind.-Dear Sir: I am one of the
early members of the Home Health
club. My record number is 2,164. Have
loaned my club books to friends in
California. Would like some infor-
nation regarding my present condition.
l am Is years old and physicians say
have bad case of anemia, also itch
ing piles. l have great faith in you
and in the Home Health club and will
greatly appreciate any. suggestions you
may have to offer. II either of the con-
The Virginia enterprise. [volume] (Virginia, St. Louis County, Minn.) 1893-19??, 1905-12-01

All readers of this publication are at
liberty to write for any information
pertaining to the subject Of health.
Address all communications to the
Home Health Club or DR.. David H.
Reeder. Laporte, Ind, with name and
address in full and at least four cents
in postage.
The Virginia enterprise. [volume] (Virginia, St. Louis County, Minn.) 1893-19??, 1905-12-01

Gall Stones.-I have request for a
lecture upon the subject of gall stones.
1t is an interesting subject and will
comply with the request, giving a full
description of safe and practical
method of home treatment, in the near
future
The mirror. (Stillwater, Minn.) 1894-1925, 1905-05-25
Ski Running is a Sport.

The winter that has just taken
it's fight has established ski run
ming as a winter sport In America.
Ski, or Scandinavian snowshoes,
are not novelty as means OF
travel in this country. The Morse
men who, following in the wake of
Left Erikson, are known to have
spent some winter seasons on our
northeastern shores in the eleventh
century, we're certainly equipped
with their native snowshoes. In
our own days skis have been in
use among the Norwegian and
Swedish settlers of the northwest,
and have likewise been introduced
in New England by Scandinavians
who have settled there.
During the last twenty years
many tournaments of a local or
more general character have been
held in ST. Paul, Minneapolis, Red
The mirror. (Stillwater, Minn.) 1894-1925, 1905-05-25

same place. He said that every.
body said it fell. Tis strange how
things get twisted.
Duluth.-This berg has freak
bridge. It is bid over the water
for the car to run under the bridge
No one is allowed to drive or walk
over the bridge, but they kin ride
under it any old time.
Salt Lake City-Pap Smith and
his breathern have jest incorpor-
ated a company of 100000, for
the manifacturin' of names. The
plant is expected to be operated
day and night to meet the demand
Thuyhoa Bay.-Ihe Rooshian
feet of iron pots are comm and
leavin' pretty often. The bossky
of the feet SEES he feels safer neal
land, an he's getin' to old to swim
Tokia.-At a cawkus Of the Japs
widows held here recently they
propose to incorporate matrimo.
NAL association and import Amer.
lean stock.
Now, Mr.. Edutor, that strikes
me as a gull darn good plan, and
I have written them folks and told
them that there is hull bunch of
fellers in here who'd go if salts
factory arrangements kin be made
A trip wood do us all good. Yes
it wood.
Lovingly Yourns,
[. B. A. RUDE.
The mirror. (Stillwater, Minn.) 1894-1925, 1905-05-25
MuldOOn in Society.

tell yez byes it's an awful thin
to be polytishun! Since [ wu1
alderman av the twinty- eighth I've
bin in more hot water than Nc
Cracken's wan eyed goat. Wan
av me chief dooties is to wear me
swally tail an make society calls.
I attlnd all the card parties, new
sycales an paper segar soshibles
pulled off IN the city limits. 1t
don't cost annythin' unliss they're
in the opery house, an thin I
don't 60.
Wan day Philly Armoor gave
me a bid to a ping-pong revival in
honor av his wife's moo poog dawg.
1t swilled me hid a little, as some
av the fine leddies OBJECTED to me
prisince, an said I wur as graceful
as an old COW. Why me old womin
says I'm the handsomest man in
the ward! an I behave it.
That avenin' I wur shure drissed
in tipperary sthyle; wild lots av
lard in me hair an smellin' like a
Crane house, I slipped into me
auto an the shower blew the horn.
We had gone FIVE whole blocks
The mirror. (Stillwater, Minn.) 1894-1925, 1905-05-25
RQbe Tells the News.

Mr.. Edutor:
Deer Surf spects them fell
lows of yourn don't no what's 60
in on in the world. No they don't
Well, I got the information fo1
the week that follows by MINDLESS
telegraphic from the amalgrim-
mated SOLICITATION, and it haint
goin' to cost you nuthln' cause I
nos your all busted. Yes [ do.
Here is sumo of it:
St. Petersbird. Mr.. Nick Esq,
papa of the air and father of the
Rooshian nation SEE he thinks that
Mr.. Togo is thinkin' that Mr.
Togo's think tank will be slab.
sided in week or two, maybe.
New ork.-Uncle John DIS
100000 has bin too dirty to cir
culate. Tis better to have clean
money made at church auction
where a lot of jays will pay 81 .99
for dime necktie, because sumo
young ladies face is we'll plastered
It's only the difference in the fiji
ter. Don't ye no.
Washington Assistant Vice
President Taft has jest Informed
the publickN threw his. private
standaugrapher that he did not
find it a darn hard job to hold
down three chairs durin' the Pres
dents absince. He SEES that
when he was a yunkster they called
him Taffy and even now he's
sickle yet.
Port Arthur.-An American
news paper hunter reached this
town several days ago, and was
|awfully serprized to find it in the
The mirror. (Stillwater, Minn.) 1894-1925, 1905-05-25

Wing, Eau Claire, Stoughton,
! Ishpeming and other places. But
no ski meet has been 50 we'll ar
ranged or has been so largely at
tended as the one held at
Ishpeming last winter. Those who
had not witnessed this kind of
sport were amazed at the daring
and skill of the runners, and en-
thusiastic in their praise of sport
SO we'll adopted to nourish courage
and develop strength and grace of
limb, and teach our youth how to
dare and do.
However, ski running is some
thing more than sport; it is an
art of great practical use whenever
snow falls. Nothing could be
more enjoyable in our prairie
settlements on a clear winter day
than a visit to a neighboring farm
er on a pair of ski, gliding swift
ly and easily over the crisp snow.
And when fierce snow storms
sweep across the country; when
trains are stalled and wires are
down; when horses cannot make
their way through the impossible
snow drifts; when traffic of every
description is completely blocked,
a good ski runner is at his best.
The heavy snow that stops the
powerful engine or the swift-footed
horse, makes his run all the easier.
The deeper the snow the better he
likes it. He will ascend steep
hills with comparative ease; will go
down slopes with lightning speed;
or, in making his way on level
ground, overtake and outrun every
thing except the flying birds He
can go anywhere he likes and he
can 60 fast. It has happened not
infrequently during heavy snow
storms in the northwest that good
pair of ski has been the only pos
sible means of reaching localities
cut off from all communication
with the outside world.
No exercise is more fascinating
or exhilarating. It appeals to and
develops the best qualities in boys
and girls, in young men and young
women. And it is Of greater prac-
teal value than any other sport
now in vogue. Winter has no
dread for an expert on ski; on the
contrary, he welcomes it as a
season of manly, strengthening
and wholesome enjoyment. Let
us have more of ski runners wher-
ever Boreas covers hill, dale and
fields with his shining carpet.
SKANDINAv.
The mirror. (Stillwater, Minn.) 1894-1925, 1905-05-25

whin somethin' whit wrong wild
the hairsprings in the main biler.
Frinchy told me to play hack as
the fuze had blown out the bung-
hole.
Arrivin' at the carousal sawed
! off runt in rid fannels steered me
into the RECEPTION room. Well sur,
av all the long-nicked thorough
birds yez liver rid about, I saw
thin. That bunch wud shure
carry off the midas at a horse
show. Wan av thin made hit
wild me; she wur drissed in crane
de ninth, him stitched on the bias,
wild collar under the arms, an had
a long stick tied on her spicticals.
Haw! haw! haw! I whit out in the
hall an LATED. It wur the quarest
kind av a party I liver saw, for
livery wan wur pickin' feas off the
dawgs. l suggested that we play,
button, button, whose got the billy
goat. Do yez mind, wild all their
money they didn't know the game.
Philly told me to be careless av
what [ said or might shock the
bricky brack.
At half past nine a foonkey
passed paddles, roober bawls, an
stritched small fnces across the
tables. The paddles resimbled the
vans I used to knock, boomble
bays wild whin I wur kid. After
readin' the pidigree av the dawgs
we selected partners. This is where
me personal magnetism helped me
to get the wan in crane de ninth.
She condesinded to be me level
an explained the game. Says she,
livery time I tap the bawl yez tap
it back" "Shure that's aisy," says
I, ''let 'em GOMEZ The first wan
[ swiped at I missed iverythin'
but the air. The mkt time I
swung, the paddle slid out av me
hand an into the chandyleers like
the divils own. For five minits it
rained glass, plaster an wall paper.
Av coorse, bein' a gintleman l
claned up the fure, an as no wan
spoke we comminced a moo game.
This time [ wur more dilycate, but
the paddle bein' too small for the
bawls, an as I coodn't make wan
connict wild the other, I quit. We
whit out on the piazzy an counted
stars till the bell rang for supper
AS near as 1 can reminder, the
bill av fare wur composed av rid
craw fish, ice crane an frickasee
la rooster. I can ate almost amy
thin, but me stumick draws the
line on boogs.
"G'wanp' says 1, as the waiter
passed the crawlers, "do yez think
I'm feline?" That made Philly
mad. "Mr. Muldoon," says he,
eff yez have no repiot for boiled
Holsters, have some for me. I
want yez to understand that this
is a poog dawg soshible an not a
comic opery!"
That wur the ind av the finish.
It gave me such a pain in the hid
that I put on me hat an went
home. E. r. III.
The mirror. (Stillwater, Minn.) 1894-1925, 1905-05-25

1 National Cemetery. They are all
cared for by the members of the
G.. A R. In Arlington Cemetery,
near Washington, D. O., lie the
remains of most of the eminent
! men who participated in the war.
General Sheridan's monument
is the most beautiful one in Airing
ton Cemetery. cit is of massive
granite, finely polished, with fine
bronze flag lying against It's face
and draped about the medallion Of
the hero who lies beneath. % On
the terraces. in different parts of
the cemetery, relatives and many
of the states have erected tablets,
etc., to show their love and honor
for the brave men who lie there,
sleeping the sleep of heroes.
But all the monuments do not
contain so much of pathos, nor Of
interest as does the great, oblong
sarcophagus resting upon rugged,
hewn stones and bearing in part
this inscription: ''Their names
and deaths are recorded in the
archives of their country, and it's
grateful citizens honor them as of
their noble army of martyrs. May
they rest in Peace!' This is the
tomb of twenty-one hundred and
eleven unknown dead whose bones
we're gathered from the battlefield
within a radius of forty miles Of
Washington, D. G. Fathers, moth
ers, brothers, sisters and friends
have stood before this famous sar-
cophagus, and wondered if it con-
tanned the remains of some loved
one who was among the missing.
Near this sarcophagus stands a
structure called the Temple Of
Fame. The marble pillars which
uphold the dome are inscribed with
the names Of Washington, Lincoln,
Grant and Farragut. A little fur
Their along the terrace stands an
arbor, It's latticed, vine-covered
roof supported by number Of
stone pillars, forming cover for a
platform of masonry upon which
is reading desk of white marble
The opening of this arbor faces an
amphitheatre in which two thou
sand people can be seated. Here,
on Memorial Day, exercises are
held. Every effort is made to keep
up the high character of the ad-
dresses delivered each anniversary
A mansion stands near by and on
each anniversary it is opened to
visitors. In the house there is a
large, long room-referred to as
the south room-where nearly all
of the famous orations delivered
at Arlington on Memorial Day are
framed and hung on the walls. [
am told that among the famous
orations is lngersoll's, which, to
read, brings tears to ones eyes.
One is glad to escape from a
place as beautiful as Arlington
can be, where even the rustic Of
the trees whisper death. In con-
Guiding it may be proper to add
that Tuesday, May 3Oth, 1868, was
the first Memorial Day. E. D.
The mirror. (Stillwater, Minn.) 1894-1925, 1905-05-25
MEMORIAL DAY.
Poper Read Before the Cha,tauqua Circle.

Paper Read Before the Cha,ta,'Quo Circle
No holiday in Columbia's calen-
dar appeals more strongly to the
American people than does Me-
mortal Day-the day when we lay
on the graves of our heroes tokens
) of our gratitude and of our loving
remembrance. Orator and states
man on this day makes prominent
the debt we owe those who gave
their blood to cement our country.
In every cemetery where lies one
who wore the uniform, we place
the American flag.
In the first few years after the
war, the wives and mothers OF
southerners gathered the flowers
which grew in the untitled fields
and scattered them over the graves
of friends and foes. The effect OF
this touching remembrance on the
northerners was electrical; for few
northern homes were without it's
vacant chair. This day and it's
ceremonies had the effect of bridg-
ing the chasm of hatred engendered
by the war; and the army of the
republic fastened to embody this
beautiful sentiment in the nation
archives in such way that it
should be held in lasting remem-
brance.
To get the true spirit of the be-
ginning of Memorial Day we ought
to stand in one of our cemeteries
on May Both. To learn their
names we have only to follow the
march Of those vast opposing
armies of the North and South
during the Civil War: Shiloh,
Vicksburg, Five Points, Lookout
Mountain, Gettysburg, etc. 1t
made little difference which side
won; the result was always the
same-death everywhere. In the
battle of Gettysburg the Union
loss in killed, wounded, and miss
ing was over $4,000; the Confeder-
ates having lost $1,000. In two
battles the dead outnumbered the
victims of Mt. Pelee two to one.
The relatives and friends of the
soldiers who were killed demanded
a separate and decent burial for
the victims. This was made pos
sible to a great extent by the care
full manner in which the battle
fields were gone over, and by the
many and curious marks of identi-
fcation which the soldiers had
used to prevent their being buried
among the unknown.
After the terrible battle at
Gettysburg where Gfty-four thou
sand Union and Confederate men
were left on the battlefield, then
and there was established the first
National Cemetery. Pennsylvania
purchased seventeen and one half
acres which were solemnly dedi-
Gated, Edward Everett making the
formal speech. Nearly all the
members of the Cabinet we're pres
ent. President Lincoln's speech
upon that occasion, has been called
the finest piece Of oratory in the
history of our language. 1t con-
tanned just two hundred and sixty
eight words. The following extract
from Lincoln's speech has been
used on many occasions, and it is
appropriate here: eve cannot
dedicate, we cannot consecrate,
we cannot hallow this ground.
The brave men, living and dead,
who struggled here have conse-
Grated it far above our poor power
to add or detract. The world will
little note or remember what we
saw here. We the living should
highly resolve that these dead shall
"a Lo-o l;oI -, uoip ~
The mirror. (Stillwater, Minn.) 1894-1925, 1905-05-25

Go, decorate your soldier grave
In tenderness this day;
Pay fitting homage to the brave
And noble hero's clay
That lies beneath IN calm sublime,
Sweet, peaceful, hallowed rest,
Unstirred by clamor, din or chime,
By living comrades blest.
Let martial music fill the air,
Let drum and cymbal beat;
Let each loved dead your tribute share;
Let honors be complete.
Upon the graves of Blue and Gray,
The lowly and the high,
Sweet wreaths of fragrant flowers lay
Pass not the humblest by.
Let lannon's din saluting roll;
Let flags and banners wave;
Let clarion orators extol
The valor of our brave.
Let Fame's proud emblems be unroled,
Loves regal symbols spread,
And silv'ry bells be loudly tolled
In honor of our dead.
Clasp hands across yon silent mound
In reverence and prayer;
Let words of loving praise resound
For him who slumbers there.
Let thanks ascend because he gave,
In battles reeking fray,
His dauntless life that he might save
The honor of the day.
q q
Let each remaining comrade give
To him who went before
A loving token that may live
In heaven ever more.
Go, deck the graves throughout the land
The graves of Blue and Gray
With garlands wrought by loving hands,
This Decoration Day.
EMERITUS.
The commercial. (Union City, Tenn.) 190?-193?, 1905-04-21
THE SUBURBAN.

The company Of gentlemen who
met at the Mayors office last Mon
day for the purpose of considering
the building of a suburban electric
railway from Paducah junction to
Tiptonville are men of business.
In other words, they are captains
of finance as far as Obion and
Lake counties are concerned and
they came together with no idle
schemes, but with a purpose fixed
to adopt and support any practical
plan whereby a suburban road
may be constructed. The motion
made by Mr.. Parks and its unani-
nous adoption offering right Of
way and $780, 900 to any syndicate
or company capable Of handling
the road as subscription to the
enterprise shows the spirit of the
movement. 1t is sufficient to say
that the men who formed that
meeting are eminently able to
make their offer good in every
way. 1t is to be submitted to rail-
road men of known character and
reputation. OF course there are
no definite lines laid out for the
route. They would necessarily be
agreed upon after some careful
surveys. However, Troy and
Hornbeak were named as possible
stations. DR.. Turner, of the Com.
mercial Club, has been doing all
in his power to bring about the
meeting and the result was the
presence of MIR. Reed here from
Paducah on that occasion. As we
said before the road will be built
some day whether it is taken up
now or not, bat how vastly more
the advantages to be derived by
the early building of the road,
both to the investor and the local
ity. The proposition made, how
ever, means business from start to
finish, and we will be mighty badly
mistaken if the meeting held Mon
day isn't the beginning of the en-
terprise to be carried to successful
completion.
The commercial. (Union City, Tenn.) 190?-193?, 1905-04-21

We are authorized 20 announce G. 6. Thomas.
Of District No Is, candidate for the Ofice Of
sheriff Of Obion County subject 70 the action Of
the Democratic party