West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1905-12-14
In Peck Of Trouble Over The Dsser-
tion Of The Organs and the
Faithful Followers.
SICK At HEART AND THREATENS
TO RETURN TO THE BUCK
WHEAT FIELDS PRESTON
Receives a Letter From JEFF Lip.
scomb informing Him that Ha
has Joioned the Pro-
hibition Party.

Trials and tribulations never come
singly. They have been multiply
ing on me quite rapidly for the past
week. Look where will can see
the deadly hand of the Insurgents.
/ have been debating the subject
with myself whether il is better to
keep up the fight or surrender to
my arch enemies. have resorted
to every trick known to myself and
the Machine to force the Insurgents
back into the traces and take their
old position as the wheel horses,
d but they politely aud emphaticallY
decline. What am to dor Will
some kind friend back in Preston
suggest Return to the buckwheat
held where health and happiness
abide ? fancy that hear some
one remark that such is not the ma
ture Of pieman. But let me ask,
is it not better to be free buck
wheat man than tortured piemanI
1t is up to me to make a selection.
The last attack that the Insur-
gents made on the Machine has bro
ken several spokes in\the off wheel.
They have captured the Parkersburg
\ News. This is the organ that made
Maj. Elliott famous as a pieman
and Standard oil magnet. No
organ in the State has footed our
horn longer and louder than the
! News. But il has footed its last
toot for the Machine. Hereafter 1t
= will sound the bugle call in the camp
J of the Insurgents. am informed
by ex-Gov. White that Insurgent
Burcanal, of the Moundsvilld
! Herald, is to be the bugler on the
News. He is not only long in legs
but is prolific in wind When he
begins TO sound lhe taps am alarm
ed less my old army training will
compel me to fall in line. l can
picture in my mind Leader Shaw
keeping lock-step time to this music.
It will be an unfortunate day for
the Machine if the Insurgents cap
ture few more of our organs. The
Machine without organs would be
like home without mother. They
would be no one to console us or
administer the soothing syrup and
paragoric. We would be as Ion
some and homeless as the Presidents
: of the life insurance companies who
have been separated from their graft
by cruel investigating committee.
That is one thing that the Machine
has always been able to handle with
profit to itself and satisfaction to
the public. Investigating commit
tees are not dangerous If you handle
them with antiseptic gloves like we
do. II you do not they will probe
the boil and expose the secret.
The question which is constantly
annoying me is what Is to become
of pieman Elliott. Without the
News, which has been a faithful or
gan, and played lis tune to the time
OF the Machine, the Major cannot
hope to prevent Ben Frank Sayre
from getting a Nelson hold on the
marshalship. With Bro. Gus Boil
den fiddling on the Sentinel there is
no reason why Ben Frank cannot
become proficient in the marshal
ship dance. Ii is we'll known fact
that Maj. Elliott cannot dance with.
out organ music. Since the Insur-
gents have conhscated the Majors
organ his only salvation is TO get
back into the lnsurgent camp and
pray for forgiveness. The Major
has had considerable experience in
praying for the past few years. He
has been to the mOurner's bench
twice within the past two years to
my personal knowledge and IN both
cases he was converted to the salts.
faction Of those who we're interested
Ia his political conversion. There
Is no reason Why he cannot turn tho
trick again and become a good In.
surgent.
Deacon Browns ancient enemy
JEFF Lipscomb, writes me that b,
has severed his connection with our
Machine and allied himself with tn,
Prohibition party. I shall quot,
Jeh's reason for deserting US
"For twenty long years / have
waited in vain for the pic which wai
promised me by the Mashine for IN,
many stunts I performed on thc