Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1905-07-21
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Saviour new auto is sixteen horse
power, isn't it? Fox-Um! Sixteen
balky horse power.-Brooklyn Life.
Diner-I've been waiting half an
hour for that chicken l ordered. Wait
er-Yeu have an uncommon amount of
patience, sir.-Judge.
Shells skin grating a very late
discovery? He-No, it is only a new
branch Of a very old art; all grating is
a skin profess.-Detroit Free Press.
Sometimes a man is despised for
twenty or thirty years because he is SO
stingy, and then envied all the rest
Of his life because he Is SO rich.-Som-
erville Journal.
you haven't been here long," re-
marked the ink-well. NO" replied the
new blotter. How do you like your
work." "Well, its certainly absorb
ing. ng."-Philadelphia Ledger.
Husband-You ought to know more
than to order a pearl necklace when
you know how I'm fixed! Wife-Why,
John, do you think I want everybody
to know how you're fxed?-Puck.
"Well, Doctors Brown and Smith are
going to operate upon old Gotrox." 'Is
the operation necessary" why, yes;
Brown has a note coming due. and
Smith wants an automobile Puck.
Mistress Ito applicant for cooks po-
sition)-Why did you leave your last
place? Applicant-You are very in
quisitive, marin. I didn't ak yer what
for yer last cook left you.-Pick-Me-
Up.
Miss Innit-You seemed bored at the
theater last night, Mr.. Knott. Don't
you like Shakespeare? Mr. Wyse
Knott-Oh, Shakespeare's all right. ]
spose, but I wisht he'd turn out some.
thing new.-Ex.
albert, dear, while looking through
some Of your old clothes, made such
lucky find that ordered a new dress
on the strength Of it." what was it
dearY Half dozen checks that had
never been written on"
Rastus Ito druggist)-Look hyah
misteh. Yo' all sole me some stuff It
make Easteh aigs yestuddy. Drug
gist-Well? Rastus-Well, feed hi
to dem hens, an dey aim lay no aig'
-dey lay down en- die.
Mrs. smith-Had your daughter {
pleasant voyage? Mrs. Newrich-Yes
but they must have had an accident
She wrote she landed on Terra Firma
and know the boat was bound TO
Liverpool-New York Mail.
Growell Gin cheap restaurant)-Here
waiter! Are these mutton or porl
chops? Waiter-Can't you tell by tn
taste? Growell-No. Waiter-Thel
what difference does it make wha
they are?-Illustrate ted Bits.
Mamma thought there was an ar
pie on the sideboard and I was goin
to give it to you, but 1 find 1t ism
there! Freddy-Well, will you Civ
> me something else, mummy, COS
. wasn't very good one?-Punch.
! "one-half of the worlds happiness
solved when a person learns to min
his own business" Eyes, but it's tn
/ other half that causes the most tror
( BILE - "What's that?' Getting othe
e people to mind theirs. Detroit Ere
!, Press.
Mrs. Gadabout-People are sayin
you called on Mrs. Verdigris the othe
day and got setback. Mrs. Upjoh
What wilful perversion of truth!
called on her, and got back a set /
: Dickens that I'd loaned her two veal
before.
Mrs. Nuwad-Here's the bread
started to make to-day. Isn't it tt
= annoying? Mr.. Nuwed-Why, it ism
: baked at all. Mrs. Nuwed-I know
isn't; that's just it. put plenty I
:. baking powder in it, but it doesn
seem to have worked.
8 La Montt-Children are SO mue
worse than they used to be. VIII
do you attribute it to? La Moyne-
n Improved ideas in building. La Mon
What has that to do with. 1t? 1
Moyne-Much. Shingles are scare
and you can't spank a boy with t
's roof.
A Process Reversed: "You regal
campaign calculations as distin
~ branch of mathematics? YES" a
- swered the erudite parsonage. "Tl
= method differs from all others. VI
= start with the answer, and then wo
= backward and evolve a problem
= demonstrate it"
10 Cold Mine g, 1000 Feet Deep.