New-York tribune., 1905-11-06

on the premises.
Poor Old Grandpa.-"Say' pa.
pnid grandpa usta lick your
u should say he did-nearly every day, -, sob-
A silence ensues presently 10 De oioAen ~
ping !Gbat,s the matter? What are you crying
Ppm so s-s-orry for poor old grandpa cause Il
spose it must q aI%aEs fEIsrad nLi' ii''''
british warship which has had long career
iI be retired next year. She was laid down at the
Chatham dockyard in 1902. and was launched iater
as a three decker carrying ninety-eight guns She
was one of the North Sea feet which, under Ad-
miraI Young. watched Napoleons vessels AT the
great Spithead review she was the hagshlp OF the
.dn,iraI of the feet the Duke of Clarence latter
ord william IV) AS the flagship of Rear Ad-
r,ra1 Milne she took part in the bombardment OF
A1gfers She was afterward placed in reserve ana
her last foreign commission was in the Mediterra-
mean from 1SH to 1SiS.
REVISED FOOTBALL.
Il humbly beg your pardon; sir
such accidents will oft occur
In gatherings like this, you know
And have been" was the reply,
More hasty than was rightly due
And does this belong TO you?
It happened by the merest chance.
7 trust that you will take my
In getting to the ambulance
'Tis now fulfilled our fondest dream.
These college rudenesses past.
Kind courtesy doth reign supreme
And football is reformed at last.
-(Washington Star.
.'Harper's Weekly tells story of Southern hos
pitality:
Some years ago one b of Keokuk County. Ia.
made wagon trip through the Southern States.
On his return he recounted to his friends his I'M
pressions of his journey.
Nov for instance" said he II went to a farm
er to ask him the way TO the nearest town 1t
was about Il 80 a. m, and I wanted to push on,
hut these here Southern feers is so hospitabe
he would not let He says:
Light stranger. an come to dinner
so 1 lit They had great big dish OF fried
potatoes in the middle of the table The host
pushed the dish toward me an says:
Have some, stranger
II took a spoonful an pushed 'em back. He
pushed EN- over again an says:
a." Have more. stranger
II took another spoonful an pushed EN- back
He says: Take whole lot, stranger
so 1 took another spoonful an pushed 'em back
Then he pushed em over an says:
Take - near all of em. stranger.
When the -S6 Worn 5Rs wor will
reped coone 59f Eam1ucS T was down
to the stillery this morning W@atcndn @ f y; II b,
Telegram
According to 'Lippincott's Magazine" an honest
ond stupid Irishman who had worked for a coal
dealer half year and shown no capacity TO learn
his duties was called Barney the BluEderer."
one morning, after having delivered coal to two
wrong addresses. he was rather short and crusty
in answering q regular customer. the proprietor
discharged him. saying: Go to the office and get
YOUR money I've been patient with you as
could be- but you too thick headed ever to
learn anything,
IAN roight SIR" answered Barney "Mebbe
Dim t'ick-headed. as yez say. but ofve learned
wan ring annaway.
IF you have really learned one thing. and
learned it well. III not discharge you. said the
proprietor banteringly. Now. tell me what you
have learned
'.orve learned sor that sventeen hundred
makes a ton In this place" replied Barney. and
he went back work
Foolish Teacher-.'Now Mickey. said the teach
er tell what you know of Nelson. the great
fighting sailor
You're mixed. num- promptly responded
Mickey. ''Sharkey Is de ightin sailor. Nelson wuz
formerly a blacksmith Philadelphia Bulletin