Chicago eagle. [volume] (Chicago, Ill.) 1889-19??, 1905-09-23


When John ID. RocKefeller's gar
dener found kerosene would XIII bugs,
his master graciously permitted him to
make the discovery public. Sure thing.
~e~
A philosopher is a man who can ut.
tend thrce-ring circus and be content
to watch the performance i'm the near
est ring.
How vastly the world has changed
when all that is left of the divine
right of kings" is crowded into the
two persons of Nicholas and Wilhelm.
~6A
1--WE are ovcrrun by fads," says a
Nebraska professor. II il due to the
automobile to say that the professor
did not intend to refer TO it.
~eA
And now an investigation has been
instituted to ascertain If the smoke In
the tobacco statistics bureau has nccn
caused by live Goals.
~eA
New York has Il bigamist who got
married seven times In seven days.
Evidently lie didn't 90 much on honey
moons.
~eA
\ Pennsylvania Judge has decided
that woman Is boss of the Kitchen
Why did he omit the rest of lh,
house,
~GA
Luther Burbank Is now talking
about getting up some coblcss corn
but the really great ucsidcratum is the
cornlcss toe.
~eSA
If the canal Is an elephant 1t can be-
managed. II IL should turn ont to be Il
mule the problem would be more dill
cult.
~S~
When patriotic duty and big In
crease Of salary meet In the ring pa
trlOtic duty has to hunt grass. This
will occur nine times out of ten.
The discarded lover ut the Wilkes
barre wedding who Rugged the bride
so hard lie broke three of her ribs has
the manners of Il bear.
&c@
After burying Ambassador PortcrS
John Paul Jones, the American people
will refuse To recognize any Others
brought IN second under the line.
%cSA
BY building Midway clear across
the lsthnus the Canal Commission
may lure enough men to Panama to
dig that little ditch.
AacSA
Chauncey N. Depcw should hurry
with his book on How to Succeed"
II will have an enormous sale IL he
can bring II ont before the people for.
get.
%GA
Thomas \. Edison says radlum may
become as cheap rs coal. Then the
small boy will positively refuse to
bring In the family bucket of radlum
ut night.
~GM
Judging from the number OF honor
AIRY degrees that are being scattered
over Il smiling land ut present, there IL
some reason for describing the popu.
lation rs sO,OOO,OOO mostly LII. DIS.
When girl begins to persuade u
young man that he ought to ecOnOmize
she usually means that he should stop
spending money for cigars and save up
to buy her a diamond ring.
-
Nicola Tesla hints that 1t might be
possible to throw the earth off its Or
bit. There Is 10 reason, however, to
get frightened. Roosevelt won't let
him do 1t.
%GG
After looking ut the counterfeit pre-.
sentiment of the man who Is accused
of marrying fifty women, we wonder
more than ever what 1t is that brings
some women to Hymen's altar.
%~
Some appear to be shocked at the
thought that the members of the Uni,
ted States Senate, the most august de
Lucrative body in the world. are not
above or Independent of the criminal
law.
%eSA
Statistics show that 4OO,0OO,0OO "IIa,
vana" cigars We're manufactured In
the United States last year. Some,
thing gOOd--and cheap-must be pro
viled for campaign smoking ana cleo
ton bets.
~
No politician can afford to tell the
truth---that il to say, exactly what he
thinks. And no politician can safely
tell a lie, unless he has good mem
DRY. But then man without Il good
memory doesn't amount to much rs q
politician.
~
A Chicago man and his wife hav,
found their way into the divorce cOur
because both wanted to occupy ont
| chair, Before they were married on,