davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1905-02-09
THE AGENT DIDN'T KNOW.
Insurance Man Is Given a Job by an
Editor That Proves Toe Much
for Him

An agent was trying TO insure an ed
itor on some new plan. The editor had
a theory that any fact could be put into
plain everyday English if the man be-
hind the fact really knew what he was
volved flow of premiums" deferred
dividends, cash surrender values, and
Optional choices, relates Worlds Work,
he said, gravely:
See here, | don't understand what
you're talking about. But Ill tell you
what I'll do. If you'll write that propo-
sition out in ordinary English so that
an ordinary man can understand it, III
not only take the policy, but I'll pub
lish the explanation as an article and pay
you 500 for it,
viii l? Sure 7 will!' exclaimed the
oveFjoyed agent, thinking he had indeed
struck an easy job. And he departed,
adiuring the editor not to forget.
A week passed by. The agent called
up on the telephone to say that he was
working upon the thing There was less
exultation in his voice.
Two weeks more elapsed The editor
had forgotten the whole thing when the
agents card came in one day. 1t was fol
lowed by the man himself
Well" said the editor, got my ar
ticle?'
Mono said the agent. sheepishly
'The fact is, | guess | can't do it the
way YOU want it, after all. Let's call
it off -
It is hardly too much to say that this
Is tVDical
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1905-02-09

EDITORIAL NOTE.-In order to
prove the wonderful merits of Swamp
Root you may have sample bottle and
q book Of valuable information, both
sent absolutely free by mail. The book
contains many of the thousands upon
thousands of testimonial letters re-
ceived from men and women cured.
The value and success of Swamp-Root
are so we'll known that our readers are
advised to send for !; sample bottle. In
sending your address to DR.. Kilmer &
Co., BinghamtOn, n. Y, be sure to say
you read this generous offer in this
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1905-02-09
A CLEAR COMPLEXION.
A. Simple Home Treatment for BIa ck-
heads, Red, Rough and Oily
Skin and DisfKurtnx
Hum0rs

If you are afflicted with pimples, black
heads, red, rough or oily skin, or disfg-
uring humors, YOU will find this simple
home treatment most agreeable. speedily
effective and economical. Gently smear
the face with the great emolient skin
cure. Cuticura Ointment, but do not rub.
Wash off the ointment in FIVE minutes
With Cuticura Soap and hot water, and
battle freely. Repeat this morning aud
evening and you will soon be rewarded
with skin soft, white and clear. Cut-
cura Soap, the best toilet and complexion
soap in the world, assisted by Cuticura
Ointment, will preserve, purify and
beautify the complexion and keep the
skin in a healthy condition, prevent
ana blackheads, pimples, eruptions OF the
return of eczema and other skin troubles
Used as shampoo it cleanses the scalp
cf crusts and scales, removing dandruff
and promoting the growth of the hair
For red rough hands, itching palms and
painful finger ends Cuticura Soap and
Ointment achieve marvellous results, often
in a single night.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1905-02-09
ODD BUILDING CONTRACT.
Called for Complete Establishment,
Even to Kitchen Ware and
Servants.

A short time ago New York firm took
an unusual contract. Itagreed to design
and build a house, to make and arrange
the furniture, to decorate the house and
to supply it with napery and bed linen,
glassware, china and kitchen utensils.
It carried out the contract. 1t even en-
gagged servants. Dinner was ready to
be served when the owner first stepped
into the completed house
The house mentioned had been started
by an architect and the usual success
sion of decorators, furnishers and other
purveyors was to follow. But the owner,
who was a semi-invalid, turned the
whole contract over to this firm. Though
plans, drawings and samples were shown
to the owner, the whole work was COM
pleted without his supervision, for he
was absent.
The contract amounted to $50, 900 and
the result was entirely satisfactory.
Such details as harmonizing the coloring
of the china with the tone of the dining
room and attending to the position and
the color of the pictures were carefully
worked out. The cost Of this undertake
ing exactly matched the sum set aside
for il.
The same firm moved bank into tenn
porary headquarters over Sunday built
new building, fitted it with vaults, fur
niture and furnishings of every kind,
even 10 inkstands and pen racks, and
moved back the books, records and other
paraphernalia-aga over Sunday-ex-
actly 80 days later. The total cost of this
contract was sig 900
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1905-02-09

often / could hardly straigbten 10y
back. The aching was bad in the day"
time, but just as bad at night, and ]
was always lame in the morning.
was bothered with rheumatic pains and
dropsical swelling OF The feet. The
urinary passages were painful, and the
secretions were discolored and so FREQ
that often had TO rise at night. felt
tired all day. Half a box served 10
relieve me, and three boxes effected q
permanent cure"
A TRIAL FREE-Address Foster
Milburn Co., Buffalo, y. Y. For sale
by all dealers. Price, 80 cents.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1905-02-09
A FELLOW FEELING.
Why She Felt Lenient Towards the
Drunkard.

A great deal depends on the point OF
view. A good temperance woman was
led, in a very peculiar way, to revise
her somewhat harsh judgment of the
poor devil who cannot resist his cups
and she is now the more charitable.
She writes:
For many years / was a great suf-
ferer from asthma. Finally my health
got so poor that found | could not lie
down, but walked the floor whilst 9TH
ers slept. l got so nervous l could not
rest anywhere.
Specialists told me I must give up
the use of coffee-the main thing that
I always thought gave me some relief.
/ consulted our family physician, and
he, being a coffee fend himself, told
me to pay no attention to their advice.
Coffee had such a charm for me that In
passing a restaurant and getting a
Whit of the fragrance could not resist
r cup. felt very lenient towards the
Grunkard who could not pass the Sa-
loon. Friends often urged me to try
Postum, but l turned a deaf ear, say
ing: That may do for people to whom
coffee is harmful, but not for me-cof-
Zee and l will never part
AT last, however, l bought a pack
age OF Postum. although l was sure
could not drink 1t. l prepared it as
directed, and served it for breakfast
Well, bitter as I was against 1t, must
say that never before had l tasted a
more delicious cup of coffee! From
that day to this (more than two years.
1 have never had a desire for the old
coffee. My health soon returned; the
asthma disappeared, I began TO sleep
we'll and in short time l gained &C
pounds in weight.
"One day I handed my physician the
tablets he had prescribed for me, tell
ing him I had no use for them. He
stayed for dinner When I passed him
his coffee cup he remarked: / am glaI
to see you were sensible enough not t
let yourself be persuaded that coffeS
was harmful This is the best cup q
coffee I ever drank he continued; 'th1
trouble is SO few people know how tc
make good coffee When he got his
second cup told him he was drinking
Postum. He was incredulous, but
convinced him, and now he uses moth
ing but Postum in his home and has
greatly improved in health" Name
given by Postum Co., Battle Creek
Mich.
Look in each package for the famous
little book. ''The Road to MELVILLE"
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1905-02-09

black with smoke and CRIME as any OF
the brakemen or firemen she could see
from her window.
1t had been 20 years since he went
away, and in all that time the stern old
man had not once relented. The while
haired mother had often tried to imagine
how her son looked with those years
added TO his age. She knew he would be
large and strong, and she thought his
eyes would still be bright and his face
as cheerful and smiling as the boy she
remembered so Well
One night man whose face was COW
cred with a thick growth of beard, in
which there were streaks OF gray,
slouched through the streets. His
clothes were ragged, his eyes downcast
and his hair unkempt. He was yag-
rant, and as he walked he cast furtive
glances about to see that no officer was
in sight He came from the direction OF
the railroad yards end crept through the
weeds growing rank and tall back OF
Micajah Bolean's house. His feet, COZ
cred by ragged shoes, made no sound as
he stepped upon the porch, where he
stood looking in through the window
The yagrant uncovered his head as he
stood there He saw Micajah Bolean
and his wife, sitting with the weight OF
years upon them. He waited for the
sound of their voices, and when MicaJah
Bolean spoke he notea the firm, harsh
tone-the same harsh voice that many
a vagrant had heard when he was SEN
fenced to Jail.
It was when the aged woman spoke.
in a sad, sweet voice, that the tears
started to the Migrants eyes. He made
step toward the door, but drew back
when his ragged garments came within
range of the shaft Of dim light through
the window.
Down in the railroad yards he could
hear the noise Of the moving trains, the
clang of bells and the shrieking signals
of the engines. In an interval OF silence
in all that jargon of noise-an interval
so brief that only practiced ear could
detect it-he heard clear note whistled
as a signal to himself. 1t sounded far
was dreaming, and in the dream he was
a boy again.
He looked once more through the
window at the two old people sitting
| there, and with a sigh that would have
wrung even the hard heart of Micajah
| Bolean, he turned away.
A few moments later the vagrant
climbed upon car loaded with coal and
was followed by another man, very like
him in appearance. AS he stretched
! himself out on the hard bed the speed OF
! the train increased. His companion
| crawled close to him and asked:
What luck, Bill? Did you get any
thing?"
The vagrant did not answer. He was
| looking up at the stars, shining down on
them from clear. blue sky. He did not
even hear the words of his companion
! National Magazine.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1905-02-09

The mild and immediate effect of
Swamp-Root the great kidney and
bladder remedy is soon realized. 1t
stands the highest for it's wonderful
cures of the most distressing cases
Swamp-Root will set your whole system
right, and the best proof of this is trial.
So COTTAGE ST., MELRosR, MASS.
DEARSIR: JAN. lltb 1904.
Ever since was in the Army, had more or
less kidney trouble. and within the past year II
became so severe and complicated that
suffered everything and was much a1armed-my
strength and power was fast leaving me-, i saw
All advertisement of Swamp-ROot and wrote
asking for advice. began the use OF the
medicine aud noted a decided improvement
after taking Swamp-Root only a short time.
I continued its use and am thankful to say
that am entirely cured and strong. III order
70 be very sure about this, had doctor cxami ne
some of my water to-day and he pronounced 1t
all right aud III splendid condition.
know that your Swamp-ROot is purely ve9e-
table aud does not contain any harmful drugs.
Thanking you for my complete recovery and
recommending Swami - Root to all sufferers
am" Very truly yours,
Swamp-Root Is not recommended for
everything but it promptly cures kidney
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1905-02-09
THERE IS JUST ONE SURE WAY
Dodd'S Kidney pills Build Up Run
Down PeOple-They Make Healthy
Kidneys and That Means Healthy
People - What Mr.. and Mrs.
j. l.. Duffey Says

Nora, Ind, Feb. 6th.-(SpeciaD-That
the sure way of building up rundown
men and women is to put their kidneys
in good working order is shown by the ex-
perience of Mr. and Mrs. Joseph l.. Duffey
of this place. Both were weak and worn
and dispirited They used Dodd's Kid
ney Pills, and to-day both enjoy the best
of health.
Mr.. Duffey says: ri was very weak
and almost past going. | tried every
thing which people said was cool, but
got no benefit till [ tried Dodd's Kidney
Pills. They helped me in every way and
/ am strong and well now"
Mrs. Duffey says: II was so bad that
if anybody would lay down string ]
felt | could not step over it. Since TAX
ing Dodd's Kidney Pills / can run and
jump fences"
Healthy kidneys insure pure blood;
Dodd's Kidney Pills insure healthy kid
neys.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1905-02-09
DISEASE DUE TO TATTOOING
Use of steriIized Needles Recon-
mended by British Navy
Surgeon.

A new source of infection is indicated
in the annual report of the director gem.
eral of the medical department of the
British navy. This is the practice OF
tattooins common in the navy and else
where. That part of the report is con-
tributed by the staff surgeon of the.
Thetis.
He SAYS that stoker who came under
his observation complained of a rash on
his body. Upon inquiry he ascertained
that the man had been tattooed at Wei
hai-Wei. and it was in the midst of a
patch of tattooe0 skin that a sore ap-
Deared. This discovery prompted him
to suggest that, as tattooing is now not
uncommon in many widely separated
classes of society, it would repay any
one desiring that form OF decoration to
see that the needles used are sterilized
as a precaution against the many dis
eases that might otherwise be intro
6uced into the system. Bearing in mind
the number of persons who are believed
to earn a living by tattooing, this warm
ing as to the possibility Of one of the
crazes of the moment being a means Of
conveying loathsome maladies is not I'M
necessary.
Unless care is exercised the incom.
prehensible fascination which tattooing
has for some otherwise sane men and
women cannot be yielded to without run
ming a serious risk. The advice which
has been given for the special protection
of the bluejackets is emphasized for the
benefit of all members of the community
who derive pleasure from having their
bodies decorated, whether with birds
or fishes or creeping things.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1905-02-09

liver and bladder troubles The symr
toms of which are-Oblised 10 pass Your
water frequently night and DAY smart
ing or irritation in passing, brickduSt
or sediment in the urine, heaOachC,
backache, lame back, dizziness, poor
digestion, sleeplessness, neTvoNsnesG,
heart disturbance due to bad kidney
trouble, skin eruptions from bad blood,
neuralgia, rheumatism, diabetes, boat
ins, irritabllity, wornout feeling jaeh
Of ambition, loss of flesh. sRllow COM
plexion, or Brighte disease.
IL your water, when allowed 10 re-
main undisturbed in a glass or bottle
for twenty-four hours forms q sediment
or settling or has cloudy appearance. H.
is evident that your kidneys and blaG"
der need immediate attention.
SWamp-Root is pleasant 10 take ard
is for sale at drug stores the wOrld over
in bottles of two sizes and two prices
fifty cents and one dollar. Remember
the name, Swamp-Root, DR.. Kilmer's
Swamp-Root, and the address, BlpE.
hamton N. Y, on every bottle.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1905-02-09
To Florida Through Old Battlefe16s.

DING EIyer leaves chicago over G. &
+. !. at 200 2. M. and arrives Jackson
VILE $40 second morning. Through
Sltepers. Daylight ride through the most
picturesque and historic section of the
South. Chicago and Florida Limited"
leaves Chicago over G. & e. l. 1:35 2. NJ.
tine OPS the next evening Solid Train
with Dining and Observation Cars Both
trains use the Nashville, Chattanooga ard
st. Louis Railway between Nashville, Chat
tanooga and Atlanta, the famous battle
fields Route" For folders and interest
ing literature call on or write to BRIARD
st. L. Ry., Marquette Bldg, Chicago, I'll.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1905-02-09
Found Too Much.

THAT was great sermon you
preached this morning" said the old
church warden, land it was well timed,
too
Yes" rejoined the parson, with a
deep sigh, Il noticed that"
Noticed what?" asked the puzzled
warden.
THAT several of the congregation
looked at their watches frequently" an
swered the good man, with another deep
sigh.-Stray Stories.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1905-02-09
IF LOVE SHOULD REST AWHILE

II Love should ever step aside
And sigh and say:
I'm weary of my tasks; I'll bide
A little by the way
I'll let the world go on DAY
Without my help, without my care
And if that day Love should withdraw
Not all the creeds nor all the law
That men so greatly prize
Would serve to keep
TIE strong, the weak, the dull, the wise
From gathering in q struggling heap
And clawing threats and gouging eyes
If Love for one day lay asleep,
Unreasoning Sc!tishness would sweep
Away or tear
Up all that's precious. al that's fair
Below the skies.
S. E Kiser. in Chicago Record Herald
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1905-02-09
No Microbes for Him

Tommy, don't you want one of
these kisses?" asked his mother, pass
ing the cake basket.
No, ma'am," replied Tommie; 81
heard sister tell that young man who
calls on her that there are microbes
in kisses. ''-Yonkers Statesman.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1905-02-09
False ReOorf.

'T have been told said Mrs. Oldcastle,
chat your daughter has been doing some
wonderful things in typography"
"Oh, no." replied her hostess, ''she
amt been there at all. The last letter
we had from her she was in Pittsburg,
and thought she'd go right through to
Washingt on. Chicago Record Herald.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1905-02-09
It Was Good.

Chloe, our maid OF all work, had the
true Ethiopjan's fondress for good eat
ing" and like so many Of her race, she
often used language more lofty than APP
propriate. One day Chloe's mistress made
Chloe took generous taste of the pud-
ding, smacked her lips and said with cvi-
dent satisfaction:
MY, oh! eff dat don't taste melo-
dious !"-Lippincott's.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1905-02-09
To Prove what Swamp-RoO, the Great Kidney Remedy,
Will Do for YOU, Every Reader of this paper May
Have Sample Bottle Sent Free by Mail.


kidney trouble continue
o follow
attenOnbut kidneys InCHt,
o attention first.
badly" taking KilHEerS
will ALI
health. A trial will convince
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1905-02-09
Unkind.

Call Haine-I shut myself up for over
three months when | wrote my last
novel.
Friend (who had read it)-What, may
1 ask. was the name of the ssylum?-
Ally Sloper.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1905-02-09

ney trouble, of
eight or ten
years standing
i suffered Uo
IN Os { sew CT .
backache an d
other pains ~
the region OF the
kidneys. These
were especially
severe " h q u
STOPPING to lift
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1905-02-09
An Attachment.

Don't you sometimes think that you
are too much attached to money!"
No" answered Mr.. Dustin Stax. IF
YOU knew all the schemes to pry man
loose from it. you'd realize that he has
to be closely attached. Chicago Jour
nal
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1905-02-09

The inventors are a very wonderful class
of gentlemen--ladies, too, nowadays but
it really seems as II the twentieth century
didn't need them so much as some plain,
practical people to utilize what they've
done already.-N. y. Times.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1905-02-09
Ladies Can Wear Shoes

One size smaller after using Aliens Foot
Ease. A certain cure for swollen, sweating,
cept no substitute. Trial package FREE.
Address A. S. Olmsted. lie Roy, n. Y.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1905-02-09

A school for teaching employees teleg-
raphy and shorthand has been success
fully opened at Montreal by the Cana
dian Pacific railroad.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1905-02-09
EorIiest Green Onions.

The John A. Salzer Seed Co., La Crosse,
Wis, always have something new, some
cling valuable This year they offer
among their new money making vege-
tables, an Earliest Green Eating Onion:
1t is winner, Mr.. Farmer and Gardener.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1905-02-09

The London Globe relates that n
lady from the country was visiting
Westminster Abbey recently, with the
particular object OF seeing the tomb
OF King Edward II. Patient search
failed 10 discover it, and at last she
asked the verger or an attendant OF
some sort. to direct her to it. The
explanation OF her failure was instant
Jy forthcoming. I'm sorry, madam, -
he said, "but we 'aven't got Edward
H. ere. as we only have the odd num-
berg"
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1905-02-09

A mans darkest hour Is. when his
wife turns on the light as he tries to
sneak quietly upstairs at two o'clock in
the morning
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1905-02-09

The ideal man is he who gives thanks
that some people are as we'll off as him
self and others better-Puck.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1905-02-09

Many man wants de Gospel ter fly;
but wen it comes ter putin up money
fer de wings, he says he's in favor er
home misslons.-Atlanta Constitution.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1905-02-09
TICKLEsoME TALES.

Tie late Dean Hole was fond OF
sports Of all kinds, but when a report
came to his ears that his groom had
been engaging in pugiIistic set-to.
the dean felt it his duty to administer
a suitable rebuke, winding up with:
al hope you were separated" (severe-
Iy). BEG pardon, sir; when I'd fin
fshed he didn't want no separating"
said the groom.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1905-02-09

eyes" said Newliwed, 'my wife and /
are housekeeping row. She prepared our
first dinner last night with her own fair
hands" How was it?' asked Bachelor.
We'll, the nuts and raisins were fine. -
Philadelphia Public Ledger.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1905-02-09

"Some mems idea of holdin' down a
Job" said Uncle Eben. is TO sit around
an wish, payday would hurry along
Washington Star,
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1905-02-09

Piso's Cure for Consumption ie an infalli-
Bile medicine for coughs and colds.-N. w.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1905-02-09

Many a mushroom of promise il u
toadstool of fulGllment.-N. y. TDnes.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1905-02-09

1t will not be so very long before you
way back in the year On. Y. Mail.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1905-02-09

Wabash Line trains make close Ccnneu"
tion at 81. Louis with trains via the Iron
Mountain Railway aud Laredo Route, ear
rying through Palace Sleeping Cars To the
City of Mexico. Time is lets than tEroo
days from st. Louis.
Two trains daily.
You can leay o 81. Louis al q D. IN hpd
arrive at City of Mexico 1880 a. n, the
third morning, CT you can leave 81. Ioujp
at S:20p. N. ana arrive at City Of Mexj"u
80 p. M the third evening.
Mexico is delightful and beautiful WIN
ter resort.
Your nearest Ticket Ageno viii give Yen
full information.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1905-02-09

There would DE an enormous increase
in production Il we were all paid what
we think we are worth-and earned the
money.--Puck