Daily Kennebec journal. [microfilm reel] (Augusta, Me.) 1870-1975, 1905-04-10

when the lad came nome from cnufcn
the next day his father asked: (which
piece of money did you put on the col
lection rlate, Bobby" "Well, father
explained the youngster, Il thought at
first I ought to put in the quarter, but
then lust in TINT l remembered, THE
Lord loveth a cheerful giver, and l
knew l could give the 10 cent piece a
great deal more cheerfully, SO 1 put
that in
During the recent American tour of
Emile Mors, the automobile expert or
France, there was a parade in New
York.
NJ. MOrs. at the time of the parade S
passage. was on Fifth avenue. Seeing
the great throngs of people. and hearing
the loud gay music, he decided that
he would like to have a look at the
procession. and accordingly he plunged
into the deep crowd. and tried to work
his way to a place of vantage.
The nearer the front he got the more
evidence he found of the police. The
police, indeed. were in great evidence,
pushing here showing there. now utter
ing loud threats. now making, amid IN
tense excitement an arrest.
"Keep back! Keep back! Keep back.
was the continuous cry.
NJ. Mors could hardly see the parade
for the police, and. on account OF the
excitement that they caused. he could
not keep his mind on it at all. Turning
somewhat impatiently to man on his
left he said:
"N'hy, sare. is the crowd being kept
back so VARY fOrcibly?'
$50 as to give the police full chance
to see the procession, the man
answered.
There was once in New York an Irish
tailor whose eccentricitics threatened
to bring trouble to him, but whose wit
always saved him. One morning Mrs.
Murphy came into the shop and found
him working laboriOusly with a pencil
and Il piece of paper. She asked him
what he was doing. and he replied that
he was making out Il list of the men
on the block whom he could whip.
"Is Murphy's name there?" inquired
Murphy's wife.
ThA tailor confessed that Murphy's
name headed the list.
When Murphy heard of this he came
to the shop with belligerence in his
eyes. He inquired if the report was
true.
"Sure an it's true. Plat of it," re-
turned the tailor.
"You little grasshopper," said Muir
ply, with me little finger l could COM
nit suicide on yeZ. l could wipe up de
flure wild yez, wild my hands tied"
care We sure about thOt?" asked the
tailor.
"Sure. I'm sure about it
"Wen, them sighed the knight of
the shears, regretfuly, I'll scratch We
aft the list
Senator n. A. Elsberg of New York
was talking in Albany about notori-
ously untruthful man.
Like all great liars" said Senator
Elsberg, ''he is careless. He fails to
keep accurate note of the lies he tells.
Hence innumeral contradictions. IN
Vulnerable stories that won't hold to-
gether.
"If. for instance. he takes weeks
walking trip, he tells A he walked sew
enty-five miles, B a hundred miles, Z
q hundred and fifty miles. and then,
when he meets A again. he tells him
that he covered a full hundred ana sew
enty-five miles on that walk.
1T would require large set or DOCKS
complicated system of bookkeeping,
and force Of at least three clerks to
keep chronic liar straight in all MS
stories, to keep him from contradicting
himself or getting confused. -. -"
Senator Elsberg smiled.
THE average chronic liar he SAID,
has the luck of boy I know who en-
listed and went TO the Philippines.
This boy. whenever he wanted money,
would write home from Manila some
thing like this:
Dear Father: I have lost another
leg in a stiff engagement. and am in
hospital without means. Kindly send
TWO hundred at once"
ITO the last letter OF this sort that
the boy wrote home, he received the
following answer:
Dear Son: AS. according to your
letters. this is a fourth leg you have
lost. you ought to be accustomed to it
by this time. Try and hobble along on
any others you may have left.
Rear Admiral Higginson. at dinner
that he recently gave in the navy yard
at Washington. said Of certain Amer
ican million