davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Baltimore County union. [volume] (Towsontown, Md.) 1865-1909, 1905-07-22

MRS. TALKER-"It must beawfully
hard work thinking up bright things
to write all the time" Scribbler-
"Well, it is; but the hardest part is
getting editors to think that they are
bright after they are written. !"
The Baltimore County union. [volume] (Towsontown, Md.) 1865-1909, 1905-07-22

HE-I am told that he has more
money than he knows what to do
with. She-Has he, really? Such
ignorance must be bliss
The Baltimore County union. [volume] (Towsontown, Md.) 1865-1909, 1905-07-22

"THE MAN 1 marry" said the
blonde widow, "must be a hero.
"He will be-" remarked tue savage
bachelor.
The Baltimore County union. [volume] (Towsontown, Md.) 1865-1909, 1905-07-22

rs IT true that the Bloptons are
living beyond their income :"
"Worse than that. They're liv-
ing beyond their credit"
The Baltimore County union. [volume] (Towsontown, Md.) 1865-1909, 1905-07-22

"DoEs HE think there is any money
iu raising chickens?" eyes; he says
for every grain they give peck"
The Baltimore County union. [volume] (Towsontown, Md.) 1865-1909, 1905-07-22

AN FRESHMAN on being made FORE
man of gang of laborers wished to
show his authority tothose under him
on the first morning of his promotion.
"Now, look here, boys" said he,
"when I say 'Commince' you have
all to commince, and them that don't
commince when say commince won't
commince. So commince." +"
The Baltimore County union. [volume] (Towsontown, Md.) 1865-1909, 1905-07-22

SHE-Why do they call them safety
razors, dear?
He-Simply because mans wife
can't use them to cut her corns with,
my pet.
The Baltimore County union. [volume] (Towsontown, Md.) 1865-1909, 1905-07-22

"PAPA, does the number on the back
of the automobile show how many
persons the driver has run over :"
The Baltimore County union. [volume] (Towsontown, Md.) 1865-1909, 1905-07-22

HAVE YOU congratulated our hos
tess on her birthday" "No" answer
ed Miss Cayenne. "I have condoled
with her"
The Baltimore County union. [volume] (Towsontown, Md.) 1865-1909, 1905-07-22

THE wIFE-''Those trousers of
yours look as if they were on their
last legs"
The husband-"Well, they're not
Tohnnie will have to wear them after
/ get through with them p
The Baltimore County union. [volume] (Towsontown, Md.) 1865-1909, 1905-07-22
CONEY IsIAND, NEW YORK.

OF all the millions who visit giddy
Coney Island during the season,
scarcely one out of 5000 has heard of
the pathetic origin of the name of
the place.
TO begin with Coney Island is not
an island at all, but is merely separa-
ted from the main body of Long Island
by Coney Island creek, which is a
creek only when the tide comes in.
About two hundred years ago, so
tne story goes, poor fisherman and
hunter by the name of Cooney, moved
with his little family down to the ex-
treme southwest end of the island and
built modest little hut in which they
set up their humble home. Cooney
6shed and hunted and made occa-
sional trips over to the north shore
for trading purposes.
One day, while Cooney was away
on one of those trading expeditions,
a terrific storm swept that part of the
island where his home was situated.
Every vestige of the hut was destroy
ed, and it has always been supposed
that the entire family was washed into
the sea with the home, by the high
waves.
For years poor Cooney searched
for some trace of his missing family,
going into all parts of Long Island,
but always returning to the site OF his
former home, vainly cherishing the
hope that some one of them might re-
turn, but they never did. His mind
finally gave way and the lonely man
lived the life of a recluse fisherman
until one day he told his friends he
was going to meet his lost ones. He
left and was never afterward heard
of.
The place gradually became known
as Cooney's Island, the name siEce
merging into that of Coney Island,
the far-famed pleasure resort to which
all New York focks in the summer
| months.
The Baltimore County union. [volume] (Towsontown, Md.) 1865-1909, 1905-07-22

Do NOT use newspapers to wrap
about anything eatable.
The Baltimore County union. [volume] (Towsontown, Md.) 1865-1909, 1905-07-22

MRS. TIDINIcE-Wonder if Jane
busted the rooms downstairs this
morning9 Mr.. Tidinice-Guess you
wouldn't ask if you had been down.
stairs. Why, you can't see across
the room for dust.
The Baltimore County union. [volume] (Towsontown, Md.) 1865-1909, 1905-07-22

HER MorHER-If you marry him
YOU need never expect me to come to
see you.
Daughter-Will you put that into
writing?
"What for?"
"I want to give it to Fred as
wedding present" F."
The Donaldsonville chief. [volume] (Donaldsonville, La.) 1871-current, 1905-03-11
YANKlNG BABYs ARM.
a Practice Among Women That I:
Too Common and Extremely
Dangerous.

One afternoon smartly goWned Wonl-
an came down the steps of fashionable
New York apartment house, leading a
child by the hand. She was evidently in
hurry and her quick, long strides made
a mighty pace for the tiny feet, which
finally lost the power to take any steps
at all, writes Bertha FL. Smith, in Good
Housekeeping. The woman, unwilling
to be delayed by the child. hurried on,
dragging the little one after her. deaf
to the protesting vail that came from
under the big hat atop the little figure
at her side. On she went, anxious, no
doubt, to make up time lost in hunting a
misplaced hatpin, in lingering for final
word of gossip, or a long-drawn-ou
good-by-one of the hundred little de-
lays that make women always in a
hurry and never on time.
The people she met paid no heed. II
one OF them turned and gave passing
look at the pair, it was merely to Won
der absently why the child cried. But
from across the street the driver of a
coal cart, busy unloading coal into a
hole in the sidewalk, caught sight of the
woman, and, with a brief exclamation
intended for no one ia particular, ran
after her, calling loudly: Madam, if
you don't pick up that child, I'll call a
policeman. You'd ought to be ashamed
to treat baby worse'n you would a bull
pup,
At first the mother paid no attention
to the man, unless inwardly to resent his
interference But as he repeated his
threat she stopped, impatiently set the
child on his feet. wiped his tears away,
scolded him a little for crying, then went
on at pace the baby legs could keep.
while the driver turned back to his cart,
muttering: IF I'd a struck one of them
horses there'd been a dozen Womens
heads out of the windows yelling at me
to stop, and they'd let another woman
yank the arm clean out of a baby's body
and never say a word
The Donaldsonville chief. [volume] (Donaldsonville, La.) 1871-current, 1905-03-11
SOME WEATHER FORECASTS
Are Handy to Have Around When
They Turn Out All Right,
But Do They?

| TT feels good and warm in here. said
| the man OF the house, as he hung up his
hat and umbrella ia the hall. Its turned
awfuI!y cold outside. wouldn't wonder
| If there was a hard frost tonight.
ssAnd you out all day without your
oFercoat!' said his wife, relates the
Chicago Daily News. 81 think you are
the most careless man ever knew
Il took my umbrella, . said the man.
'tAn umbrella isn't much good to keep
one warm" said his wife. Haven you
lived long enough to discover that
there's nothing more uncertain than the
weather in Chicago at this time Of year?
I just know that you've got chilled and
il Il don't have to nurse you through the
grip. I'm mistaken. Why don't you try
to be a little more thoughtful
Thoughtful! Wasn't I thoughtful to
take my umbrella? 1t didn't look like
rain particle. Was to blame if it
turned cold?"
I'm not blaming you for that.
.It's kind of you not to, but unexpect-
ed" said the man. Didn't ] take my
coat on Monday and didn't sWelter all
through that hot, muggy, rainy after
noon?"
fl suppose you did. That isn't any
reason why you shouldn't take some care
of yourself What would I do It you
came down with pneumonia? Henry,
you ought to take care of yourself for my
sake if you don't for your own
Now, look here, Edith. said the man,
what is it you would have me to do?
# I telephoned to the weather bureau
for forecast I don't know that could
be safe /"
+eYou could take your umbrella and
your coat as WE'LL
YES said the man, sarcastically. ~
could take my coat and umbrella and 1
could pack suit Of heavy winter fan
nels in a bag and a raincoat and wool
stockings and pair of rubbers. Icould
carry that outfit around with me.
couldn'tI? Doyou want me to do that?"
We'll, you would be on the safe side,
at least" said his wife, noneommittally.
The Donaldsonville chief. [volume] (Donaldsonville, La.) 1871-current, 1905-03-11
Gamaa Hiu}

The Chinese method of infusing coffee
in cold water is said to eliminate the
fannie element. This method may be
tried as a culinary experiment. The
coffee will be found very strong and of
rich flavor. Put the usual amount OF
coffee, ground very fine, into cold wa
ter in a glass fruit jar. Cover tightly
and let stand overnight. In the morn
ing loosen the cover and set the jar in
a vessel Of hot water Let the water
boil until the coffee is piping hot, when
strain into a hot coffee pot and send
to the table. If wanted for after-dinner
coffee, make the infusion early in the
morning.-N. Y. Post.
The Donaldsonville chief. [volume] (Donaldsonville, La.) 1871-current, 1905-03-11
THgyARTED A SEPTEMBER.
Indiana Man Hired Opera House and
Filled It with Fay. Thus Ac-
conplishing End.

A street car wherein Representative
Fred Lands, OF Indiana, was a passen-
ger, en- route to the capitol, glided past
a wagon loaded with baled hay. One
bale, loosely fastened. fell to the ground,
almost hitting the car. That calls to
mind said Mr.. Lands, IAN incident of
my last campaign. a republican friend
Of mine was scheduled to speak in an
other section Of Indiana, well on toward
November. Just before starting for Clay
City, which was the town where the
meeting had been advertised. he re-
ceived a telegram running as follows:
sDan't come. Opera house full of ba1ed
hay. Weather too cold for outdoor meet
ing Mr.. Kehoe is the man who filled
the Clay City opera house full of baled
hay, and he enjoyed a hearty laugh at
the story. He said: Il was responsible
for there being no political speeches in
Clay City during the recent campaign. by
renting the opera house and filing it full
OF baled hay. | have no doubt the people
The Donaldsonville chief. [volume] (Donaldsonville, La.) 1871-current, 1905-03-11
sUccoRs A WOUNDED ANT
Lord Aveling Convinced That the
Tiny Insect Is Really Pos
sessed Of Reason.

Lord EveIing, better known as Sir
John Lubbock. the famous scientist,
writes: In one Of my nests was an
ant which had come into the world
without antennae. Never having pre-
viousIy met with such case. /
watched her with great interest, but
she never appeared TO leave the nest.
At length enc day I found her wander
ing about in an ain-less sort of man
ner, apparently not knowing her way
at all. After a while she fell in with
some ants Of another species, who di
rectly attacked her. at once set N.Y.
self to separate them, but, whether
owing to the wounds she had received
from her enemies 81 to my rough
though Well-meant handling or to
both, she was evidently much wound
ed, and lay helplessly On the ground.
After some time anosher ant from the
same nest came by. She examined the
poor sufferer carefully, then picked
her up and carried her away into the
The Donaldsonville chief. [volume] (Donaldsonville, La.) 1871-current, 1905-03-11
appreciated it, and csn imagine how
that statesman with speech reiady Id
fire off felt when he got the telegram that
the baled hay had beat him to it
ma.u Electric Furnace.

A new electric furnace method haa
been invented by NJ A. Nodon. The
electromagnetic metal is fused and
used as the cathode in an electric FUR
mace with a non-attaekable substance as
anode and an eleetrolyte Of a fusible.
only slightly volatile, halogen COM
pound of the more electro-positiFe
metal. When a current is passed
through, the ionizatien effected pro-
duees a combination of the metals, with
liberation of the halogen.-scientifie
American.
The Donaldsonville chief. [volume] (Donaldsonville, La.) 1871-current, 1905-03-11
. : w. ==========zz7 c -
e, kkI5n = i I'll
SQUARED Hi1ns elf.

II don't think i ever can forgive you
for it, she pouted. You pretended
to be 50 busy with your newspaper
when I entered crowded street cal
this morning that you didn't see me.
yet there stood in the aisle, in plain
sight
you in plain sight Miss Gringo24
he exclaimed Not on your platinum
print If You were standing there, you
were dazzIing1y beautiful sight
Did she forgive him? Well.-Chi-
cago Tribune.
The Donaldsonville chief. [volume] (Donaldsonville, La.) 1871-current, 1905-03-11

-
nest It would have been difficult for
anyone who had witnessed the scene
to have denied this ant the possession
of humane feelings. In face Of such
facts as these it Is impossible to re-
gard ants as mere exquisite automa-
tons. When we see an ant hill, ten
ated by thousands Of Industrious in
habitants, excayating chambers, form
ing tunnels. making roads, guarding
their home, gathering FOOD, feeding
the young, tending their domestic ami
each one fulfilling its duties
it is difficult altogether to deny to
them the gift of reason, and the pre-
ceding observations tend to confirm
the opinion that their mental powers
differ from those of men not SO much
in kind as in degree -
The Donaldsonville chief. [volume] (Donaldsonville, La.) 1871-current, 1905-03-11
Co1lecting Rents.

.Sir," said the seedy man, addressing
a prosperous-looking passer-by, would
you kindly favor a worthy but unfor-
nate felloW-man with few pence?'
What is your oecupation?" asked the
other. as he put his hand in his pocket.
Sir. !" replied the victim of hard luck,
as he held up a tattered coat sleeve and
smiled grinly, I've been collecting
rents for some time past. "-Tit-Bits.
The Donaldsonville chief. [volume] (Donaldsonville, La.) 1871-current, 1905-03-11
Crane Sherbet.

One quart of grape juice. eight table
spoonfuls of sugar. Heat juice andsugar
together until sugar is dissolved. Add
one-half cupful Of water in which one
teaspoonful of granulated gelatine has
been dissolved. Chill and freeze
Serve ID glasses and garnish with three
or four Tokay grapes. This is rather
tart. as sherbet accompanying the meat
should be.-Philadelphi Press.
The Donaldsonville chief. [volume] (Donaldsonville, La.) 1871-current, 1905-03-11
Had His Doubts.

Are YOU going to entertain this win.
ter?''
We'll, answered Mr. Cumrox
Mother and the girls will have a lot OF
people atthe house. as usual. ButI never
gan tel whether they are being enter
tanned or bored. !"
The Donaldsonville chief. [volume] (Donaldsonville, La.) 1871-current, 1905-03-11
How to Make Turkey Guns.

Cut the meat in small pieces; add to
two cups one cup of canned tomatoes,
a teaspoon sugar, half a cup sifted
bread crumbs, a dash of cayenne pep
per, tablespoon each Of melted butter
and minced celery, and if you have it on
hand tablespoon mushroom catsup.
Heat all together over boiling water,
fill individual paper cases with the mix
ture, cover the tops with crumbs and
small pieces of BUTTER brown a few
moments in the oven and serve at once.
Les Angeles Herald
The Donaldsonville chief. [volume] (Donaldsonville, La.) 1871-current, 1905-03-11
a Gnntla HinA

Charlie Dingbats ito Dolly Semi
quaver, who IS about to make her debut
Tell me when yoU sing and Ill send
you some flowers.
Dolly Please remember at the time
that the only flowers care for are on
hats.-Town Topics.
The Donaldsonville chief. [volume] (Donaldsonville, La.) 1871-current, 1905-03-11
The Heaviest Girl

The heaviest girl in the world is Media
Milmoite, of Kentucky, ten years old and
weighing 270 pounds. She has gained
81 pounds in the last three years. She
is exceedingly active physically and
mentally as bright as any girl OF her age
Her father and mother are of normal
weight and her sister and brother of less
than ordinary size
The Donaldsonville chief. [volume] (Donaldsonville, La.) 1871-current, 1905-03-11
The idea,

Ebenezer striek-Howdy. 81? How's
All Their folks?
81 Hampley-All right; only nav
shes complainin' agin
Ebenezer striek-What's thet-got
Their rheumatic ag'in?
ST HampIey-NoDe; worse'n thet.
She wants a new ha1-only he'd this
one seven an a half years, tew.-
Judge.
The Donaldsonville chief. [volume] (Donaldsonville, La.) 1871-current, 1905-03-11
warrf1 Turns 8.

Five years ago tonight, Henry re
marked Mrs. Peck. who happened to be
id reminiscent mood, you asked me
to say the one little word that would
make you happy for life"
Yes" rejoined Henry with a sigh
long drawn out, and. womanlike, you
had to go and say the wrong word, -
Chicago News.
The Donaldsonville chief. [volume] (Donaldsonville, La.) 1871-current, 1905-03-11
Our Petty Exclusiveness.

"If Japan holds a worlds fair, says
a contemporary, 1T will not insist on
compelling all the American girls to
leave the country after it ends" More
than SO years ago through our sail
ors, We rescued Japan from her ex-
clusiveness. It now seems about time
for Japan or some other nation to
rescue US from our exclusiveness.-
Louisville Ceurier-Journal.
The Donaldsonville chief. [volume] (Donaldsonville, La.) 1871-current, 1905-03-11
Leadin = III M i,

She with 81 arm around bis neck)-
It makes sou happy to know ! am
pleased, doesn't it, dear?
He-Nhy, yes.
And you are happy when you whis-
tie. aren't you. dear?"
Why, Of course"
We'll. love. / know you are going to
whistle when you see this millinery bill y
-Yonkers Statesman.
The Donaldsonville chief. [volume] (Donaldsonville, La.) 1871-current, 1905-03-11
He knew the Summons.

Skinner believe BIufin has gone
into business of his own.
Winkin-What makes you think
that?
skinner-Why, he comes up to town
by the early train in the morning. and
he never takes more than ten minutes
for his lunch now.-Ally sioper.
The Donaldsonville chief. [volume] (Donaldsonville, La.) 1871-current, 1905-03-11
AppreIae siye

First Tramp was worried to death
when was in de hospital.
Second Tran1p ought You was goint
to die?
First Tramp-No; but / was scared
dey might gimme one OF dem cures Tor
de drink habit.-RrpokIyn Life.
The Donaldsonville chief. [volume] (Donaldsonville, La.) 1871-current, 1905-03-11
Mixed Again.

Those were two jolly fine girls
you were speaking To just now.
AIixer-Yes, theyee my two wife's
sisters.
JostIe-Ha. ma. ha,
Mixer-My two sisters wives, l should
say.
Jostle-Ho, ho. ho!.
Mixer-oh! hang it all, you knos
shat I mean.-AIIy sIoper.
The Donaldsonville chief. [volume] (Donaldsonville, La.) 1871-current, 1905-03-11
His In AZ fif,11

Mrs. McFiub- Your husband seems to
be quite versatile. Has be ever invented
anything?
Mrs. sleeth-0h. yes. One of the fin
est lines of midnight excuses you ever
listened to.-Chicago Journal.
The Donaldsonville chief. [volume] (Donaldsonville, La.) 1871-current, 1905-03-11
Struck the Ross

Weary Nililams-Did yer strike a
boss in de last house?
Itinerant Ike-I should say I did!
What did she say?"
She nothing! It was an apartmea=
house, an 7 struck de janitor!'-YonE
ers Statesman
The Donaldsonville chief. [volume] (Donaldsonville, La.) 1871-current, 1905-03-11
ITnaecornmo4atinC

VT. Citydatt (reading)- widow Of
that .seommuter" who was killed ID the
railroad wreck has been awarded $50, GOO
damages.
Mrs. Observation-Disclosures I've been
vain1y trying to induce you to move
to the suburbs for years-you mean
thing!-Puek.
The Donaldsonville chief. [volume] (Donaldsonville, La.) 1871-current, 1905-03-11
Not Fit to Be Seen.

Buggfns-See here. porter, this mir
ror is so dusty I can't see myself in it.
Hotel Porter twho has not been
tipped by Buggins1-strikes me you
ought to be mighty thankful. std o.
maxim fuss about 5t-Tit- Bits,
The Donaldsonville chief. [volume] (Donaldsonville, La.) 1871-current, 1905-03-11
The Immortal Sarah!

Sarah Ann-Mrs. stebbins as ,ad dog
given 'er; oh. such beauty!
Matilda What kinder dog?
Sarah Ann-They cali i'm a Sarah
Bernhardt dog One of them that carry
pocket-flasks to folks what get showed
up.-Ally sloper.
The Donaldsonville chief. [volume] (Donaldsonville, La.) 1871-current, 1905-03-11
Food Chemistry.

do you think the time will ever come
when the chemists will put UP our
foods?''
mo, answered the expert in dietetics.
1.-THE chemists will merely continue to
furnish the boracic acid, as usual. -
Washington Star.
The Donaldsonville chief. [volume] (Donaldsonville, La.) 1871-current, 1905-03-11
His Size.
''Pa, a Phariseen

"a Pharisee, my son. is a shaven-up-
per-lipped gentleman who is opposed to
everything Of doubtful propriety that
cannot be concealed O Kept quiet e.
Puck.
The Donaldsonville chief. [volume] (Donaldsonville, La.) 1871-current, 1905-03-11
Conversation.

AS one by one they snap and break.
The resolutions that We make.
We heave d heavy sigh
But compensation we may find
When mis- one fact Is brought to mind
n did no harm to try
Chicago Chronicle
The Donaldsonville chief. [volume] (Donaldsonville, La.) 1871-current, 1905-03-11
I Only q Guess

Bacon-Where do You suppose that
2oS-Meter hill got its name?
Fgbert-oh. / guess that's where the
Port Arthur gas works are located
Yonkers Statesman
The Donaldsonville chief. [volume] (Donaldsonville, La.) 1871-current, 1905-03-11
Easy Enough.

Bank TelIer-You will have to be
identified, ma am
Lady-My friend here will identify
me.
Bank Teller-But I don't know Fer,
you know.
Lady-oh, well, I'll introduce you
Puck.
The Donaldsonville chief. [volume] (Donaldsonville, La.) 1871-current, 1905-03-11
More Convenient.

On good old resolutions
Each year a man embarks.
He might have saved lot Of time
By using ditto marks.
-Washington Star.
The Donaldsonville chief. [volume] (Donaldsonville, La.) 1871-current, 1905-03-11
How IL Works i'll Che North.

you've burned Is tons Of anthracite
already this winter?" exclaimed thevis-
itor. why on earth have you had to
use so much p
ITO reduce the visible supply, / sup
pose. said the victim of the coal trusts
greed, grinding his teeth in Gmpotent
rage.-Chicago Tribune
The Donaldsonville chief. [volume] (Donaldsonville, La.) 1871-current, 1905-03-11
Con1uensafioa.

The steaks tough at our boarding house
But / get quickly through it,
You see the pieces are SO small
One doesn't have to chew i'll
st Louis Republic
The Donaldsonville chief. [volume] (Donaldsonville, La.) 1871-current, 1905-03-11
The Artist-This is what l cali pot
OIIINI !
The Friend-Huh! I'm afraid you're
up against cold dinner.
!. a1.sit.r,

The snow for weeks lies an the ground,
His dirty. moist and raw.
To clean IL on the men come round,
And then ii starts to thaw.
w aShington Star.
The Donaldsonville chief. [volume] (Donaldsonville, La.) 1871-current, 1905-03-11

Note by Publisher:
The Postum Company have yearly
contract for space in this paper which
they have right to use for announce
ments of facts and principles. Such
use does not necessarily carry with ID
any editorial opinion.
The Donaldsonville chief. [volume] (Donaldsonville, La.) 1871-current, 1905-03-11
Also.

"a stitch IN time saves nine" tbs said,
another saw might run.
hen two young people would be wed
Al knot III time makes one
-CaGGnfftc
The Donaldsonville chief. [volume] (Donaldsonville, La.) 1871-current, 1905-03-11

Little Boy Mummy, dear, why can't
i stay up till it gets late2
Mather-That wouldnst do at all. dear.
You'd wake up SO cross in the morn
ing.
Little Boy fthoughtfully)-Does
daddy go TO bed very late, mummy p
Chicago Tribune.
The Donaldsonville chief. [volume] (Donaldsonville, La.) 1871-current, 1905-03-11
Silver Cleaner

Embossed silver articles, which have
been allowed to become very badly tar
nished, can be cleaned to look like new
by the use Of alum. Dissolve one ounce
in two quarts of hot soap suds and wash
the article in it, using q brush for the
carved parts. Rinse several times, dry
carefully with a soft cloth and polish
with channels nzaple's Home Journal.
Painted HI wiped
oEel. water
has been
The Donaldsonville chief. [volume] (Donaldsonville, La.) 1871-current, 1905-03-11
Warned in Time.

Mr. Hardnutt-L admit, sir, that my
life has not been what it should De. but
truly and unselfishly love Your daugh-
ter, and If ever I give her moments
pain hope I'll be made to suffer torture
for it.
Old Gentleman (warninglyl-O you
will. You don't know her.-N. Y. Week
w.