The Fulton County news. [volume] (McConnellsburg, Pa.) 1899-current, 1905-11-15
UNCLE EPHUM'S WILL.
BY w. Z. WHlTMORE.


~
Tc,r thumb and sent the peas
rafting into 4 pan between his knees:
then he took his pipe from his mouth
ana yawned broadly
SLOW Job. this shelin peas. amt it?"
Nes" said /. Il often wonder that
no one has invented a way Of Smelling
item by machinery
Invention he snor;ed. Don't ever
say invention 10 me again ! wish
every feller that ever invented any
thing was hung"
was much surprised and asked him
to explain. After some coaxing Mr..
Owens complied with my wish and be-
gan
Yer never seed Maria's my wife'sJ
Uncle Ephum. did yer? No? Well,
the old man was a queer un, l tell yer.
Richern the Steel Trust. he was; had
thirty acres er 'op gardens and a fish
wler and a quarter interest in mack.
ere boat besides lot Of cash in the
bank. Maria and her first cousin, sid.
die was the only near relations he had
afte. ais wife, Ant oljndy that was.
died
Well Siddie and her Old man and
Maria and me fsgered considerable on
the Old mans money aud who was
agoin 10 get it when the old man
pegged out Siddie and her tribe
wasn't on speakin terms with NE and
Mas.a. OWN 70 ieetle squabble we
had over dog he owned that bit my
brindls heifer and scarf her so she
run onto the railroad track and got
made into hash by the up train. There
was a lawsuit and one thing er an.
other Tel add ter the general good
feelin besides.
So me and Maria guessed that none
of the money was goin to Slddle, and
Siddie said the same thing about US.
Cncle Eph was kinder impartial, as
yer might say. one spell he'd be for
us and have his wilt liked up so as we
could get everythin'. and the next thing
yer know he would twist around and
leave it all TO tother side Of the fence.
Fust off lie came and lived with us.
and ne was trial and no mistake,
cross grained and tussy and deef-
why. he was so deef that a cannon
might lave gone OF bg bis ear and all
ned say would be-: What! Why don't
sou peak louder"
Me'n Maria puJ up with it as best
We could and never gave him any back
answer. and did our best to please him.
KNOWN quite well that the meek in
herit The earth
Brc be- oyerdoue g. He was dread
ful fussy about his eatin'. and one time
he took a notion for. gooseberry pie.
Nothin' would do bur he must have
coOsebewy pie SO Marie she cooked
Big one and he ct most the whole of
it and was awful sick and swore we
Cried TO poison him lie Lad his will
changed leaving everything TO Siddie,
and went off and lived with her and
her old man for most year
Ne was putry down in the mouth.
bur eyelythin' comes to them who
waits. but bimeby he had row with
Sidde mat beat the one he had with
rs ali 10 pieces Yer see Siddie's old
mar is an inventor Up to that time
noth.n be had invented was worth a
cent. but he kept az it Just the same.
persistent as hen that wants to set.
Well Uncle EpL took notions over
there, same as Le had done with rs,
and il came about that be thought the
flies Were pesterin him at night arter
DE 4 gone ter bed Seems as twas Oc.
tober; | guess the dies was mainly
imas sination. but he said there was mil
lions Of 'em round aim every night.
and hat he couldn't get a wink Of
sleep
50 Siddie's oil man went to work
ana Invented mgch,2e for driving
away 1le hie. n argued that II you
were camplu' clt. or 6,hiu'. or any
thing where tLere was lots Of flies,
thar tnty'd Bit, Ike eyerythin' when it
was calm, but 20 a breeze came up
they would all 80 Of So he rugged up
coaaiyance to hang over Uncle
Ep4 piiier and could be raised or low.
esed ana pulled 40 5y a string to start
II gcln' There was a windmill on the
roof that was connected with III and
give It ihe power
Well the very hrs night Uncie Epb
trieG j. be laid down lowered II close
10 bi, face and hauled the rope that set
set Aer a Jnzziu' ana went to sleep.
M.dd g " Tie nisii he wakes up and
heard noise a"d thought twas
thieves cone 20 ;or;Gre lin FOR his
uoaey 50 lie sets up IN bed and
whack one OF the arms OF that re
hymii caught him right on the ear.
He thought twas burglars sure. then.
and boilers Murder" and "Helpw
nun e wake the dead An every time
No ~ az that aymill would knock him
down again He was purty nigh used
up Wien Siddis ana the old man got to
him
80 be vas more down on Siddie than
fen thousand OF tricks. ana made his
viii over again leavin' everythln' TO
haria and rle, and back he come TO
live with us. THIS time we thought we
had him for keeps, cause he was so
dead set agin' siddie and her tribe
that the best name he could get for
them was "mugderers." and if you
mentioned Inventions be would rave
for hours at time
Wei he cones along and staid at
orr house. a couple OF years went by
and he was still.with us Maria and
me begun to put down list OF things
ne was goin' 70 buy when The property
olft.u Na,4- ot.,s1ar... ~.