davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Richmond planet. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1883-1938, 1905-12-23

First Detective-That criminal IS q
clever scoundrel.
Second Detective-Whats he done?
First Detective chased him for
an hour yesterday. and when I caught
up with him, il was somebody else
Cleveland Leader.
Richmond planet. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1883-1938, 1905-12-23
Two Kinds Of Encyclopedias.

She-Why, she is a walking encyclo-
pedia.
He-oh, / uon't like that kind of an
encyclopedia
you dont?"
mo; I like the kind you can shut
up."-Yonkers Statesman.
Richmond planet. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1883-1938, 1905-12-23

Wise-You really should be more
economical
Galley oh, I viii be some day.
WISE should say so. YouW have
70 DE some day.
Galley right; n have TO l
won't mind il so much.-Philadelphia
Press
Richmond planet. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1883-1938, 1905-12-23
His ONLY Hone

Hobbs. I think your boy will become
q very distinguished man II he lives long
enough"
Yes? And what do you think he win
be distinguished for?"
"Longevity-if he lives long enough" 20
-Tit-Bits.
Richmond planet. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1883-1938, 1905-12-23
TO BE CONTINUED
Something Long Needed.

Something Long Needed.
Il hear you're trying TO invent a new
style OF cornet"
Yes, I'm at work on one with a re-
feX action"
What's the idea?"
IF can ge- 10 working right II will
blow the head oil anybody that tries 70
use it'-Philadelphia Press.
Richmond planet. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1883-1938, 1905-12-23

Bill-You say she cried out when you
kissed her on the cheek?
Jill-Yes. she did.
We'll, you ought TO have kissed her
on the mouth; then she couldn't have
cT.ed outi"-Yonkers Statesman.
Richmond planet. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1883-1938, 1905-12-23
Unthinkable

Knicke7-Has he got more money
than he knows what 20 do with?
Bocker-Whv, they even say he has
more tran other people know what do
within. Y Sun.
Richmond planet. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1883-1938, 1905-12-23
The Fairest Rlnssn,,,

Gratitude is the fairest blossom
which springs from the soul; and the
heart OF man knOweth none more fra,
gTant.-Hosea Ballou.
Richmond planet. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1883-1938, 1905-12-23
Getting Laura Out of the wav

OetunS Laura Out OF the Way.
"bingley is a very original fellow.
as he?"
Yes. At the wedding OF Laura Pin.
heton the other day he reserved his
heartiest congratulations for the
brides young stepmother."-Cle
Plain Dealer.
Richmond planet. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1883-1938, 1905-12-23

Yeast-what fruit is there the most
money In?
observation-disclosures plums.
guess.-Yonkers Statesman.
Richmond planet. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1883-1938, 1905-12-23

Gentleman AT the door. sir"
What does he want-mcney?"
Il think not. cir re asked 10 nc.
you. Leader.
Richmond planet. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1883-1938, 1905-12-23

Something to Be Thankful For.
IL you can't think of anything else
to be thankful for, Just be glad You
are alive
New-York tribune., 1905-04-23

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The independent. [volume] (Lincoln, Neb.) 1902-1907, 1905-07-06

concerns and to prevent their evasion
Of just taxation.
We demand that the legislature shall
enact such laws as will enable a tax
to be levied on local franchise privi-
leges as on other property, which now,
although of great value, pay nothing
toward the burdens of local govern
ments.
Stand for Public Ownership
We believe in free and unqualified
home rule, free from state interior
ence. Each city, town, and village
should be allowed to decide for itself
all matters of local policy, especially
as between public or private owner
ship of all public utilities, including
street railways, as well as waterworks
and lighting systems, and that pro-
vision should be made for submitting
such questions to the people upon re-
quest from reasonable number of
voters, and at such elections the vot-
ers of a majority shall decide. Such
public ownership should be safe
guarded by the merit system of ap-
pointment and tenure of Office so as
to prevent the building up of political
machines and the perpetuation Of boss
rule.
We favor legislation which will
make unlawful the giving to or ac-
cepting by public officials of railroad
passes.
Direct Election of Senators
We favor the. election of United
States senators by the direct vote of
the people.
We favor the initiative and refer
endum, especially with reference to
the issuing of municipal and county
bonds and the granting of public fran
chises. No franchise, extension, or
renewal thereof should be granted by
any county, city, or village without
first submitting the same to vote OF
the people.
Seek to Down "Triumvirate."
In conclusion we ask the people Of
the state in this election, which in
wolves no national issues, to join with
us in relieving our state of the trium-
virate that has it in control, who have
grown arrogant and corrupt, who have
multiplied offices to make places for
their friends, who nave refused to
save the money Of the people by sub
shutting salaries for fees in county
offices, who have swollen the expenses
of the administration of the govern
ment of the state to double what it
was under the last democratic admin
istration, and who, to meet these ex-
penses, have devised various and new
ways to tax the living and the dead
and, by keeping the general levy
down, deceive the people and continue
their extravagant rule.
They have abolished spring elections
for like purpose and placed restric-
lions upon the official ballot. They
have gerrymandered the judicial dis
tricts; in fact, they have hesitated at
nothing which would aid their devilish
ingenuity which has SO successfully
enabled them to maintain their hold
upon certain municipalities and which
now they purpose to apply to the
state. ~.
ESor ovor civtv wars MIRO Nyinc1om,d
The independent. [volume] (Lincoln, Neb.) 1902-1907, 1905-07-06
OHIO DEMOCRATS DECLARE FOR
ESSENTIAL REFORMS
Platform Favors Municipal Owner
ship, Initiative and Referendum, and
Election of Senators by Direct Vote
-Pattison for Governor

For Governor. JOHN M. PATTISON
For Lieutenant Governor.
LOUIS B. HOUCk
For Supreme judge.
HUGH T. MATHERS
For Attorney General. ..........
JAMES A. RICE
For State Treasurer ..........
JAMES e. MASON
For Member of Board of Public
WOrkS.
PATRICK c.. M'GOVERN
The independent. [volume] (Lincoln, Neb.) 1902-1907, 1905-07-06

PATRICK C. M'GOVERN
Columbus, O., June 2S.-After a ses-
sion lasting six hours the Ohio demo
cratic convention today named the
above state ticket to be voted on at
the state election in November.
Chairman Daugherty read a COM
munication from National Committee
man John r. Mclean, who wrote from
Washington offering his resignation,
which was at once accepted. Nc
Leans letter gave no explanation for
his resignation.
Cheer Name Of Bryan
The great demonstration came at
the close Of Chairman Daugherty's
speech, when tribute to William J.
Bryan, as the party leader in the ma
ton, brought out storm of cheers
that lasted fully a minute, and 1t
was repeated later in the convention
when other speakers referred to the
former national candidate of the
party.
Following is the platform adopted:
The democracy of Ohio in conven-
ton assembled announce the follow
ing declaration of principles:
We note with satisfaction the deter
mination of the national administra-
tion to purchase supplies for the
Panama canal in the markets OF the
world and not pay tribute to our pro-
tected monopolies. We trust that the
day may soon come when the common
people of this country may enjoy the
same privileges and not be compelled
to nav the manufacturers for the nee
essaries of life a higher price than
these same articles are sold for by the
same manufacturers to foreign pur-
chasers.
We demand of our representatives
in congress to aid in the enactment
of such laws as will prevent all re-
bates and secret contracts, by railways
and will guarantee the same service
to every citizen.
We favor the comforting upon the in
terstate commerce commission OF the
power, when it finds a rate unreason-
able. to fix a reasonable rate.
viii Try to Eliminate Graft
The democratic party pledges itself
in this state election, if successful, to
use it's utmost endeavor to eliminate
the graft and political corruption that
has been nourished and fastened up
on the state by the republican party
in the last few years. We have seen
the blighting effect of boss rule in one
of our cities and we call upon the vot-
ers, Irrespective of party, to unite IN
preventing it's permanent lodgment IN
control of our state.
We declare that the present laws
for assessing the property of steam
railroads and other public corporations
should be so changed as to compel the
assessment of these properties at not
less than their salable value as going
The independent. [volume] (Lincoln, Neb.) 1902-1907, 1905-07-06

For over sixty years Mrs. Winslow's
Soothing Syrup has been used by
mothers for their children while teeth
ing. Are you disturbed at night and
broken Of your rest by sick child
suffering and crying with pain of cut
ting teeth? If so. send at once and
get bottle Of Mrs. Winslow's Sooth-
ing Syrup for Children Teething. Its
value is incalculable. 1t will relieve
the poor little sufferer Immediately.
Depend upon 1t, mothers, there is no
mistake about it. 1t cures diarrhoea,
regulates the stomach and bowels,
cures wind collie, softens the gums, re-
duces Inflammation, and gives tone
and energy to the whole system. Mrs.
Winslow's Soothing Syrup for chill
lren teething is pleasant to the taste
nd is the prescription Of one Of the
oldest and b 1t female physicians and
Aurses in the United States, and is for
sale by all druggists throughout the
world. Price, Is cents q bottle. Be
sure and ask for Mrs. Winslow's
Soothing Syrup"
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1905-12-25
HE ERRED.

EX-AMBASSADOR CHOATE discussing awkward
l. error that had been committed by senator.
"The reminded me,'' he said, "of Sunapee farm
hand at a Christmas feast. ..s-..-..
The leading farmer at Sunapee gave grand Christmas
dinner to his forty helpers. r.,
There roast turkey roast goose cranberries pump
kin and pies, hot doughnuts with hot maple sugar.
plum pudding-a feast
And before certain tail and strong farm hand plat
ter containing two ducks set for carving
"The farm hand looked at the ducks Then he took
up on fork and extended it to the next to him.
|" Here he said, you take this Ones all
age.'''
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1905-12-25
What the Market Affords

IA AY IRWIN who is at the Metropolitan heater this
W. week, is almost famous cook she is actress
She knows how make everything good to eat from creamed
ham and poached eggs caramel ice Miss Irwin has
given The Journal of her most popular recipes.
To make creamed kidneys she takes veal Kidneys half
pint milk Of tablespoon Of -four
teaspoon Of finely chopped parsley little paprka
dash of red pepper and salt to taste Soak the kidneys in
salt and water for two hours then rinse them off and par
boil for twenty minutes Chop them reasonably fine and add
the Tx Let them to boil; tablespoon of
butter with the -four and add to the kidneys then put the
seasoning last of ALL the cream which should not be put
in until just ready to serve r.1
She gives this recipe for ceaed ham and poached eggs
Make smooth white with two rounding tablespoons Of
butter and of starch with cup Of milk Season
with pepper only and add cup Of finely chopped cooked
ham, Spread the mixture two rounds Of toast lay
carefully poached egg each lightly and I'M
mediately with curly parsley.
This is the way Miss Irwin makes minced oysters in
chatting dish: Put tablespoon Of butter into the blazer
when bubbles add green pepper and half small onon
both chopped ne and cook for five minutes without brown
ing. Then turn half of oyster juice and with
salt and paprka mnce the oysters, but not too ne add
them the mixture in the blazer and let them cook for five
minutes. Turn the mixture hot toast. CLANS may be
used instead of oysters, if preferred. j.. s . .'
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1905-12-25
AN AWKWARD ERROR.

N AMERICAN at Gibraltar entertained Charles Dana
~ Gibson at dinner in the late fall at the Bristol
When Mr. Gibson to reply toast, he was little
embarrassed 49,.
IT have not the gift of oratory, he began and that
is awkward Indeed to be deficient in anything awkward
isn't it9 It is especially awkward to be deaf G.
cat dinner at Dark Harbor last summer deafsld
sat beside young and beautiful girl
''Do you like bananas? this girl said to the old man
during the first in loud, sweet voice.
'He, however, misunderstood her in his Deafness He
thought she had said 'pajamas' And he replied:
''No, like the old-fashoned nightshirts BEST -
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1905-12-25
NO ANSWER AT ALL.

" ENTQK HORT, the Japanese Buddhist priest was at
N lacking Mohammedansm in Chicago.
3'The Mohammedans he said, ''answer inqurers ques-
tions with smooth lies These lies only the surface
plausible The slightest reflection shows their tremendous
falsty. e. -49E u -. j. A.. ...--.,--
'tThe Mohammedans questions as heard
1niddle-aged man answer boy.
III The two stood before steamship office regarding the
globe that revolved in the window. - L.
do you tell me-, said the boy, that the world
Is as round thatq' *
"tI do the answered. .s IT,. ~. -.
<''Then, said the boy 4 can't understand why the
people the other side don't fall off, .s. e.
"The sneered. @......s.
t':You fatigue me- he said YEARLY.
+ well, why is it g the boy persisted
=" Heaven the answered, shas given those people
common sense, and they hold on {" $685. -
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1905-12-25
NO EXCUSES "GO."

THOMAS CARLYLE once took Lord Houghton Richard
Mines to task in regard to the proposed pension for
Lord Tennyson. Orchard Mines said Carlyle, taking
his pipe out Of his mouth when gaun get that
pension for Alfred Tennyson?' Mines tried explain
that there difficulties in the way and that possibly his
constituents who knew nothing about Tennyson, would
him of being concerned in job, he to
getting the desired pension for the poet Richard Mines"
replied the ION the day Of Judgment when the Lord
asks ye why dna get that pension for Alfred Tennyson
it'll do to lay the blame your constituents. IT'S you
that III be damned"
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1905-12-25

ORDER WASHING MACHINE"
looking and sells to certain class who do stop for
penses Now leave this machine with you. If you do
make sale it you nothing Our price $780,
make other terms. you SELL put ten in your pocket
and give US forty.'' - ~.--@ j.
"We, leave it there if you want to-, the dealer would
i
It would sit there for about month without any sign Of
purchaser Then day old farmer would in and
buy pound of nails and few ncidentals needed on a
farm. Then he would notice the washing machine. ~
"Gee, whiz he would say ''there is of those
chimes my wife has been wantin to get How much
they7"
"Fifty dollars'' PHI ~. an.
'We, that's right smart price for washing machine,
but neghbor of has one, and reckon III have to
git one.'' *..-.* 49, .E>@ -.
:why don't see anything especial about them myself
the dealer would say.
I DOM know what it isl the farmer-looking chap
would answer bu the folks something in that
machine that makes em want it, Of course got to have
it, as the best amt too good for u.s.
Mr. Hayseed would then pull out big roll of bills and
pay $40 down the machine to hold it, and say he had
go the bank and make payment piece of land
but he would back and pay the balance later and take
the machine About that time the fellow who left the
chine would return and say:
"Wel guess I'll take the machine away. don't think
it is going to sell around here' NJ
sold It, the dealer would say.
'Oh, is that 500 In that I've got $40 coming
The dealer would pay the $40 and of course, the old
farmer would never show up.
Slick game, all right, said ct suppose those fellows
got rich?''
'Well they were pretty well heeed at one time the
shoe sad but they finally got caught and they had
give every they had to lawyer defend them he
only kept them Of the pen until their money was gone
1tThere's money in being crook the piano man
philosophical.
tThas what say broke IN the clothing man IF had
nv choice I'd study law
Running is the only exercise that really beauties.
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1905-12-25
THREATENED THE REGIMENT.

ItEXTRA Billy SMITH, the confederate general
u Of the most irascible well of the most
patriotic of Upon occasion he leading reg
on long and difficult march. Weary and exhausted,
they halted for rest by the .wayside When it became
necessary the general the ORDER but the
remained stretched upon the ground The order
repeated peremptorly Still motion. By this time
the temper of the general at whitehead He Numbered
out:
eff you don't get up and start at I'll march the
regiment off and leave every id Of you behind"
They started.
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1905-12-25
y evening THE MINNEAPOLIS JOURNAL December 3 sgs
"A String Of Good Stories
A WoMAN's sHREwDNEss.
cannot fsN how tho truth may b;
ssy the tale ~ 'fNas said to me-"

INTERESTING and characteristic story Of the late
Miss Rebecca Bracken, the woman train dispatcher Of
Niles, Mich, was told the other day by a Nilesan.
Miss Bracken the only train dispatcher in
the world he said and she worthy that honor
She had initiative and resolution greater than the
age mans
"a coal dealer learned this to his cost
"This dealer came to neighborhood back in the
eighties and by undehand tricks tried get better Of
his rivals
Gone Of his to send cart Of coato house
where it hadn been ordered dump the coal into cellar
and then pretend that mistake had been made beseec
the householder to keep the stuff Nine times out of ten
by gum, the householder would do it, too
But Miss Bracken thru the shifty fellow 3
trlckery, and she taught him lesson.
One day he dumped sudden unexpected load Of coal
into orphanage that she helped manage and the
morning, his usual he and regretted the
mistake and hoped the fuel could be found place for
Miss Bracken hand.
No., she said resoutely; I'VE didn't order it, and we
don't need it,
"The merchant sighed. Then he was sorry. He would
have to remove all that coal. A nasty job
"A nasty job indeed said Miss Bracken IF you
should carry it upstairs and thru clean halls
our white marble steps But you won't do that If you
want your coal back you'll 1.-THE way you brought
itin-thru the grid
The result Of good train dispatcher's firm
was that the orphanage got a ton Of free COAL"
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1905-12-25
NO PRIDE OF ANCESTRY.

CIR WEAIYsS REID wrote of Abraham Lincoln: Zone
must not blame Engishmen too severely however for
their lack of appreciation of Lincoln It doubtful If even
he appreciated at his true worth by Americans them
selves Some ago had the pleasure of taking to
dinner charming young lady who Lincoln direct
descendant. said to her: You hardly understand
how pleased am to have met you There is scarcely any
whose is familiar whom honor as honor
the memory Of your grandfather The young lady opened
her eyes innocent and confessed subsequently
that she had been much surprised at my little speech
at home they say anything about grandpapa'''
ONE ADVANTAGE
M RS. AL DE MUSTAHDYou appear to be very fond Of
w your poodle Mrs. de Bunch
Mrs Justin de BunchYes indeed. Mrs Cutler was un-
kind enough say that loved it than do my child
Mrs Al de Mustahd-Wen, that's natural. The dog has
pedigree, hasn't it,
The Chinese encyclopedia numbers 5000 volumes Only
five sets in exstence
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1905-12-25
THAT FIRST THOUSAND.

WHEN the mionares Of America numbered only few
w hundred, certain newspapers and periodicals made
their and faces familiar by illustrated ar
ces 'ttouchin upon and appertainn to- the question
elbow to Get Rich.'' 1885,,
Thomas Dolan the head Of the United Gas Improvement
company of Philadelphia Of the few very rich
who could be induced to tell the story Of his life for
the benefit of the climbers. Ill H. e.. =. sE-. 49,.
newspaper who had had the good fortune to
render Mr. Doan slight service called upon him
day. and said that his paper wanted to learn from him how
the millionaire had made his first thousand dollars
E'You want the truth, suppose said Mr.. Doan.
"Certainly' 49,. s.. ..-v
'sWell, never had any first thousand dollars. had
$3.50 and reputation for making good My reputation
made my $3.50 look like $500 another fellow, and he
trusted My first deal showed profit of $4,000 that
my first thousand really $780, ..-
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1905-12-25
SOUND COMMON SENSE.

tlTHAT was sound sense, said the Rev. Madison
Peters, apropos of certain cergyman's resignation.
cit like the decision Of old Bismarck's soldier.
"There soldier who acquitted himself with singular
galantry the battlefield He carried wounded
nearly miles his back thru fusilade Of bullets
cordngy he before Bismarck be rewarded for his
bravery.
"He supplemented fellow. The prince commended
him. questioned him little, and finally sad with laugh:
1Now, Hans tell which you prefer, the iron cross,
or hundred thalers?'
ssThe brave Hans thought little
q How much he said carefully lis the worth?
g About three thalers,' said the prince.
CLANS frowied and thought again for long time Then
his brown cleared. He smiled.
think, he said, I'll take the and ninetyseven
thalers.' =
WHICH WON?
I. EoNIDAs.-Ef she can't choose atween us, must
l. struggle fer de adys favor Well around de
Caseys ashbarre and eff gets dere first I'll
coaofams it. an eff gets dere first youse rub
it ont Rea