West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1905-01-19
Like the Wandering Jew is Tossed
Upon The BillOWS
MAILING OYER The UNHARMONIOUS
Condition Of His Party Chairman
Flynn and Leader Shaw the
Cause Of His Latest
Lamentation.

" ""'' vail "CCh. III my young
days when | was risky and frolic-
some | did not mind it, but my age
is so far advanced that | cannot do
the wailing act and look pleasant
when my friends call upon me.
They notice my careworn look and
imagine that | am repining oyer the
loss of pie. 1t is only too true that
have spent many days and nights
rejecting over the happiness would
enjoy if was so fortunate as TO draw
one of the lucky pie numbers. But
like all the lotteries l have played /
have always drawn a blank number.
l have met scores of friends who
tell me that they have been adopts
in drawing blanks themselves. This
for a time makes me forget the in
gratitude of Republics and Bosses.
One of the most lamentable scenes
of my life occurred few nights ago.
l have not fully recovered from the
shock yet. My friends tell me |
was Frustrated and lay grooming on
the side walk for several hours. If
l did / have no recollection. Such
scenes as am about to relate en-
deavor to blot from my memory.
l prefer to remember and dwell on
the JOY and happiness of this Lie.
1t is the only thing that makes life
worth living for if you are in the pie
business, which l have been for
forty odd years.
For years there has been a stand
ing challenge between my most es
teemed and devoted friends, Chair
man Flynn and Leader Shaw, as to
which of the two could devour the
most pies without unbuckling the
belly-baDd. | have been selected
on many occasion as referee, and
there has never been a comedy pre-.
sented before the footlights that
enjoyed so hugely as the devouring
contest. As an unbiased referee ]
have stood by and watched them
devour the pies until it was utterly
impossible for friend or foe to un
buckle the belly-band. The strain
on the buckle was too great.
a few nights ago they met and
renewed the challenge: The spot
selected to renew the contest was in
front Of the Soldiers and Sailors
Monument, a piece of patriotism
which was erected by the bravery
and devotion to the union by the
heroic boys OF the sixties, which
Leader Shaw and myself had the
honor of participating in. Com
rade Shaw shed some blood in the
conflict, but | was more fortunate,
for l never found a tree too small
that could not find protection be-
hind when the gallant Johnnies were
their congratulations and
the compliments of the season. II
have always been a devotee of Pro-
lection ever since. 1t was this pro-
lection which saved so many of us
brave boys that have made it a
National issue for years. 1t is be.
ing discussed in Washington at the
present time by Teddy, the Senators
and Congressmen. 1 am expecting
a summons most any moment to APP
pear before Congress and give in
my hairbreadth experience.
But to get back to Chairman
Flynn and Leader Shaw under the
monument As near as / can gath.
er the facts there seems to have
been a disagreement as TO how many
pies be allotted to each pie.eater.
As the disagreement became more
pronounced Chairman Flynn en-
braced Leader Shaw's whiskers.
which he has been cultivaunp for
forty nine years, and which he is
justly proud Of When the Leader
expostuIated with the Chairman.
and told him that the whiskers were
private property and should not be
taxed under the new tax laws, and
toyed with in public, the Chairman
replied that he wanted a cluster of
them to exhibit 20 the Pie Commit.
tee. lie told the Leader that a
bunch Of his whiskers in the Com.
mites hand was worth four on bis
chin. The excitement grew intense.
The people began 90 gather. rel
dawned on them that &c was not
case Of the fur flying, but the whis.
kcrs. The Leader was determined
that he would not part with hair
Of his yisage, and the Chairman was
equally as positive that nothing less
than a good size bunch Of the Lead.
ers whiskcrs would harmonic The
party. While dep'oring the loss oil
the Leaders whiskcIs, which we ain
admire and can recognize four
blocks away, we felt that if it would