The Saint Paul globe., 1905-04-30

Scotch farmer. that's a very guild for
you. that S been built that way, but
you Gamma blame me If l haze ma been
cCnstruckit accOrdin' to act of Darlia-
ment."
Every city visited by either Savage
| or Conried had it's Parsifal Joke and
this one belongs to Omaha:
which act of the music festival do
you like best?" asked an enthusiastic
| musician of one critic.
i prefer the second" was the imme-
| diate response.
is that so?'' replied the enthusiastic
student. How can you express pref
erence when il is all so marvellous. so
| beautiful SO glorious?"
1t seems to me- replied the critic,
that 1 slept better during that act"
A near Swede contributed the ap-
pended soliloquy to the New York TEL
egraph recently:
To ban or not to ban-dls har han
FL it ban nobler for a common geezer
To stand for all dis crazy heartache tengs
10 stand TO yump, to drown-dis har
To tenk dat ven yu push yure head in
under
Yu ant com op again to tax guide breath
nu ant com op at all. Ay tai yu dis:
IF We could tai we're We ban apt to go
FL failers knew yust vat dis game would
FL We could tai we're We ban apt to go
After We die, val. maybe We ant 'fraid.
But ven We tenk about all dis sulphur
And all desc little yIggers dey calls imps.
humping around and yabbing yu With
forks.
Val. den We say 1t ant no use to die
Until our time ban com.
De Wolf Hopper, the aItitudinous
comedian, who at present is starring in
revival of Wang" is set down by
MS press agent as having a great pen
chant for water as a beverage. How
the press agent aforesaid reconciles
this statement with the fact that Mr.
Hopper is quite prominent member
or the Lambs club is a topic quite
apart from the story. Mr. Hopper. ac-
cording TO this narrative, recently in
dulged in a long horseback ride, fetch
ing up at country inn, where he call
ed for glass of the harmless fluid be-
fore mentioned. The player raised IL to
his lips and. finding it very warm. set
IL down again. Then, motioning to the
waiter. he inquired: What's the mat
ter with that?"
Matter" exclaimed the waiter
Nothing, sir. That's spring water. sir"
Spring wateri" Mr.. Hopper replied.
Nothing of the kind, It's summer wa
teri Bring me a glass of beer"
And another name was added to the
roster of the victims of circumstance.
Yvette Guilbert has accomplished
that difficult understanding of s1rpris-
ing Paris. After years of singing songs
that are not exactly suitable to Sunday
school usage, Mile. Guilbert has turned
tables and is now singing the most in
nocent and simple songs to be obtained
in the French metropolis, with the re-
suit that she has stirred up a furore
and has been applauded as heartily as
ever before.
Sarah Bernhardt. who is to tour this
country next season under direction of
the Shuberts. has suffered many jests
at the expense of her extreme attenua-
ton. Twenty years ago the actress
was even thinner than now. Dumas,
the younger, upon being shown Charms
portrait of the divine Sarah with a dog
at her feet, remarked: "Ah. / see: a
picture of a dog and bone" On an
other occasion a Partisan paper told a
story OF how Nine. Bernhardt was at
tackled by robbers. but escaped by hid
ing behind her parasol. Once the ac-