Catoctin clarion. [volume] (Mechanicstown, Md.) 1871-1940, 1905-06-08

not even let me die. though she knew
my secret desperation.
"But this is hurrying on too fast.
I studied then, long and faithfully, and
practiccd every hour, when l was not
obliged to work for my subsistence.
Hope sustained me, and the days flew
by on wings. NV eighteenth birthday
passed, and the day was set for me to
try my voice in concert. Had l carried
out this intention, might have been
saved two more years OF useless labor
and vain hope. But unfortunately,
at the last minute, spirit Of opposi'
tion sicZcd me and I refused to test
my powers till could do so with all
the cclat of scenery and costume.
would appear rs Margherita or not at
all. and my foollshncss was listened
to, and my debut postponed.
"a new teacher now took ME IN
charge. l was able to pay him some
thing. but not much. Never mind
there was a future in store for me
| was but running up a debt which
l could easily liquidate by one night
of triumphant song. If he were will
ing to wait-and lie seemed to be-
certainly could do this, for my voice
and manner and style were improving
daily, and ere long the doors Of the
theatres must open before me. anG
wealth and honor take the place OF in
digcnce and obscurity.
Looking at me now and remember
ing my failure, can you imagine such
follyl You must be young and poor
and have a voice to do it. Why, this
room has been peopled with visions
have seen myself in the possession OF
every power. every happiness. When
my fingers have ached with writing,
have thought of the day in store for
me, when just my signature would be
worth gold. Till then l wanted nc
companionship, and felt myself un
tempted by pleasure or wealth. Till
could enjoy all, I wanted nothing. ]
preferred to take my happiness ut
bound and from these rooms of faded
grandeur and sordid suggestions, step
at onca into the palatial apartments
suited TO the successful prima donna.
"Sou can imagine, then, the excite
ment of those days. when | was N
formed by my enthusiastic teacher
that the time had come for my appear
ancc and that after two short months
Of rehearsal, the stage of the - -
should be ready for my debut. If time
flew before, it halted now. Never,
never, would those two months pass
And yet they ought not to have gone
so slowly, for l was very busy. The
rehearsalS themselves We're enough tC
absorb me; and they did, but they
never left me satisfied and | lon&ed
to end them. Somehow | needed an
audience, or so | thought. | could not
warm up to empty benches; but my
manager seemed satisfied, and fed me
with batteries. and expended great
sums of money on my toilets and the
stage accessories. He was sure of sue.
cess. but not SO sure as | was. | can
say this now. since | have SO eGregious'
ly failed. l neither doubted my voice
nor my training nor my spirit | left
this room on that fatal night, calm.
| took what | thought to be my last
look of these miserable apartments,
with the quiet farewell OF one who
feels her fortune assured. l left be.
hind In it many memories. but l went
forward to great hopes. When heard
the door close. l had the feeling OF
something shutting upon my past, and
went downstairs and out TO my car
riage with different step than that
which had been accustomed to mark
my departure.
This feeling followed NE to the the.
atrc and increased, rather than dlmln-
ishcu, with the putting on of the dainty
robes which anothers enthusiasm had
provided for me. Nor did the sounds
of the orchestra make me quail, nor
the voice of the call-boy; nothing
moved he till, having crossed the
stage, | caught Il glmpse-or did feel
the presence-ot the vast crowd that
awaited in eager expectancy for my
first notes. Then indeed, dagger en-
tered my heart and terror, such as the
victim of the amphithcatrr alone can
know, caught me in its clutches, par
alyZug throat and limbs till | could
have welcomed any death that would
have annihlatCu my consciousness. |
was before the foot!ightS; was in the
spot where | had pictured myself for
years, and l could not sing Il nojC: |
could not even fly; | must stop and
face the wonder, the pity, the DISCUS,
that must be on every cuuut2nancc,
till Fate should come to my aid and
break the spell that bound NE.
1T came in the shape of Il few stray
efforts at applause, doubtless meant Tor
my encouragement. The SOund-it was
the first | had hcard-seemod to loosen
the icy fettcrS that held my limbs ell
chained, and | sank suffering fright
fully, upon the floor of the stage | was
never more to mock by my presence.
The curtain was rung down and | was
carried away, whittier, | hardly knew,
and to what | could even then dimly
guess, for my heart was broken, and
my earthly hope was at an end
But" eagerly interpoScd the artist,
"you may be mistaken about this.
Stage fright is common. Our grsatcst
actors are subject to it. 1t is rather
thought by them the token of genius,
and promise of future success.
Surely, your managcl--"
TO be continued.
Quite Up to Expectations.
"YOrr father was disappointed III
IL IL