Morgan County democrat. (Versailles, Mo.) 1900-1906, 1905-06-23

II. 1ut vesuvius about 1000 years ago
got to burning way down In Its bow
els. and the fire got beyond control,
and I suppose now the Are is away
down in the center Of the earth, and
you know when you get down In the
earth below the crust. on which VIZ
live and raise potatoes, everything is
melted. like iron in q foundry, and
vesuvius is the spigot through which
the fluid comes to the surface. You
see, don't you?
Just imagine that this earth Is a
barrel Of beer, which you can UNDER
stand better than anything else. anu
it is being shaken up by being hauled
around on wagons and cars. and is
straining to get out, then a bartender
drives a spigot into the bung. turns the
thumb piece, and the pent-up beer
ome out foaming and squirting, and
there you are.
Instead of beer, Vesuvius is loaded
with lava, that runs like molasses, aFd
when it is cold it is indigestible as a
cold b~uckwheat cake, and you can
make it up into jewelry, that looks
like maple sugar and smells like a
fire in a garbage crematory. Besides
the ava there are stones as big as a
house that are thrown up by the sea-
sickness of the earth. as 1t heaves and
pants, and then the ashes that come
out of the crater at times would make
you think that what they need there
is to have a chimney sweep go down
and brush out the flues.
To get an idea of what a nuisance
the ashes from the crater are to the
cities on the plain below. you remem-
Der the time you were out in your
back yard splitting boxes for kindling
wood. and my chum and l threw a
pail Of ashes over the fence, and ac-
cidentally it went all over you. about
four inches thick. That time you got
mad and threw cucumbers at us, when
we ran down the alley. Keep that in
your mind and o a understand
the destruction of Pompeii, when We
suvius, thousands Of years ago,
coughed up hot ashes. and covered the
town 40 feet deep with hot stuff. and
killed every living thing. and petri-
fled and preserved the whole business,
and made a prairie on top OF a town.
and everybody eventually forgot that
there had ever been a town there. for
about 1000 years. II my chum and
l had not run out OF ashes we would
have buried o so deep in your bacn
yard that you would have been petri.
GoJ uyith v,A,r hoy,hot and uyhop fhnv
~excavated the premises q thousand
years later they would have found your
remains and put you in a museum.
Well, a couple of hundred years ago
a peasant was sinking a we'll down in
the ashes, and he struck a petrified
barroom, with a BARTENDER standing be-
hind the bar in the act of serving
some whisky 1000 years old, and the
peasant located a claim there, and the
authorities took possession of the
prairie and have been digging the town
out ever since. looking for more OF
that 2~,000-year-old whisky.
When | told dad about what they
were finding at the ruins of Pompeii,
and how you were Liable to and gold,
and diamonds. and petrifed women,
he wanted to go and dig in the ashes
as he said it would be more exciting
than raking We the dumping grounds
in Chicago for tin can and Jumps OF
coal. and so we hired a hack and went
to the buried town. but dad insisted
on carrying an umbrella. SO If Vesu'
vius belched any more ashes he could
protect himself. Gee, but from wha,
I have seen at that old ruin a man
would need an umbrella made of cor.
rugated iron to keep from being bur
led.
Well. when we got to Pompeii dad
was for going right where they were
digging. but | got him to look oveI
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