The Dolores star., 1905-04-28

or that you we're wrong, but I did
want so much to show you what fool
old Blackstone was"
The Rev. Fisher Howe Booth of
Tenafy. n. j., tells the following story
on one of New York's prominent cler.
gymen who is noted as a reformer:
Recently stopping at q certain West
ern city where Sunday is not very
rfgidly observed. the New York divine
was called upon to address the con-
gregation of the church of a brother
ministerial friend.
The New York clergyman was JOS
tied by several intoxicated individu-
ais on his way to church Sunday
morning: the theater box offices were
selling seats for widely advertised
Sunday afternoon and evening per-
formances: the saloons. billiard halls.
bowling alleys and shooting galleries
and stores were open and doing a
large business. one saloon In particu-
lar being unusually well patronized
by the male inhabitants. in the win
dow of which the visiting minister
was shocked to see large sign, prom
inently displayed, bearing the words:
I'VE Need No Mother Here"
When he rose to address the con-
gregation his face was very long and
very grave. and-in substance-he re-
marked sadly that he had been great
ly panied to note how the inhabitants
of the beautiful. thriving Western cit
les desecrated the Sabbath day.
And" he continued severely. II am
grieved TO state that for all have
visited number of towns in the min.
ing region, it has remained for me to
receive my greatest shock on this
beautiful Sunday morning in this love
ly municipality of yours. All, my be-
loved hearers. the drink evil Is bar
enough; but l fear for the future Of
whose largest ginmills is allowed to
remain the sign:
I've Need No Mother Here"
Doctor" whispered his ministerial
friend, tugging at his coattail, as a
smile spread over the congregation
and there was an audible litter from
the rear pews, they are exhibiting a
new incubator in there
Bishop Potter tells story Of a
Young minister who came to grief
while delivering his first sermon.
He had dressed under great deal
of excitement previous to entering the
church. and neglected to fasten his
necktie down behind.
During the course of his sermon the
tie gradually slipped up over his col
lar. until nearly everyone in the con-
gregation noticed his predicament and
smiled radiantly at the situation. Con
Guiding his remarks. the young min.
lister, sparring for an opportunity to
adjust the tie, said: Let us join in
singing Hymn No. S."
He had announced the hymn at ran
dom. not knowing the nature Of the
words. The congregation turned to
the hymn. then gave a gasp. and near
ly strangled.
The hymn read: "Blest be the tie
that binds"
Col. ABE" Gruber tells this story:
Not long ago, waiting for case
of mine to be tried, / listened to two
lawyers who were very much excited
over a certain legal argument. Mat
ters went to such pitch that they
began to call each other names.
You're an ass said one attorney.
You're liar was the prompt re-
tort
Then the Judge said: Now that
counsel have identified each other.
kindly proceed to the disputed
points,"
The other afternoon tired group
of women were listening to a free
concert" in one of the department
stores where the virtues Of a certain
piano player are demonstrated.
On this particular occasion wild
haired young man had usurped the
place of the mechanical device at the
piano.
Perhaps extreme physical weariness
induced by shopping may blunt the
sense of humor, but at any rate his
audience seemed to be quite amused
at the spectacle presented by the soul
full young man as he played away with
huge sign reading. Nearest Human
of Any Piano Player" hanging just
over his head.
When one Chicago member of the
House was leaving Washington the
other day he WIS importuned by a
man with a Swedish cast or counte-
nance who told hard luck story. He
had been telling the same hard luck
story, with variations. to other ILL
nois congressman. but this particular
Chicago member did not know 1t. Out
of the kindness of his heart he autho-
rized the stranger, claiming to be the
editor Of Scandinavian paper. to oc-
cupy his room at the MOTEL during his
absence.
The next day the man Of the Swe-
IT. - :.