The Mitchell capital. (Mitchell, Dakota [S.D.]) 1879-1918, 1905-03-17
LArssT JOKES FROM r4e STAGE
rnse Q"ip- That Are Doing Dut. ia
metropolitan Ihrater~

tMo ~ NAAN ~ " = 49, - 80"
at the Academy OF Music one said
Say. Barry. what is the Actors order
OF friendship"
Two beers. replied Ba,ty.
AT the Lambs ,iub the Other nIsht
plxey Ole a new story about Stefson-
He had engaged a song and dance mtn
who was feartuliy bad The artist
was Just making his exit, singing Vhe
last bars of Where Are the Friends OF
My YOUTH" when Ststsoa, who VAS
standing in the wings. said Take thu
rest of the week and tind them
George Fuller Golden, AT Keith 5. tells
of the man who was sent II haste tpt
the doctor to attend his mother-tn-law.
shes at deaths door, doctor. SAID he,
and I'm afraid you can't pail her
through +
John Kernel says rs called on a
friend and was treated To the most de-
licious sausage he ever ate. -! asked
them where he got chem. aud he saNe
me d pointer
There are many new jokes in ths re-
Used "Evangeline" at the Garden thea
TGl. FICd oOipllloll GU wv -
play that he will recite /,
poem composed by himself. STRIKING an
heroic attitude. he declares:
Mary had a little calf.
So she couldn't put ON bioomrrs
Another version OF the prevalent polit-
ical joke is heard in the same burlesnue.
Bigelow, made up as David B Hill. am
I aounce that he must take the lei4
rain to Albany.
Rigelow-Why, 1 thought you were a
gold man.
Eigeiow-So I am.
Solomon-Then why do o take the
Is to / train?
Frederick Bond. in My Friend from
India" gives Perkins a pair OF trousers
remarking that they are a good tit
Good fit for a man Of my years.. re-
plies Perkins, but for any other mar
they would be a convuision.
Most of Francis Wilson $ jokes i.
"Half a King pertain to the play. !
few of his witty epigrams. however. de-
serve to be quoted:
"A man can say things in four min
utes that he would spend forty years IL
regretting."
IF people would stop to think befor
they get married, children would be
come obsolete"
Sam Reed. who plays Judge Lynch i
Sue" was asked by a new acquaint
ance if his name really were Reed.
Certainly; why do you ask
We'll. there are so many actor folk
who take facetious names that though
mebbe o did, too
Dick Golden, at Keith's, says an Irish
man bet 10 cents he could eat more oS
sters than the dealer could open. Afte
swallowing ninety of the bivalves, Pc
laid a dime one counter and said: BIT
dad, you've won. 1 can't eat any more
Speaking of oysters reminds me
Dixey's story of the man who entered
country store on a cold day. , group
loungers were huddled about the STOW
and the stranger could not get nei
enough to get warm. Got any o.
sters?" h asked the proprietor, and r
ceiving an affirmative reply said: TAI
a dozen on the half she'll out to n
horse"
All hands crowded to the door to s.
a horse eat oysters, and the stranger S
cured the most comfortable seat. III
proprietor returned soon. and said Il
t horse refused to eat the she'll fish. We
give 'em to me, then said the foxy vi
itor, secure in his resting place.
: In Brian Boru'' Richard Carroll h
some bright lines. i've had enout
to drink today he says. but III ia
one more, in case | should be thirs
tomorrow"
NJ face is my fortune declar
Annie Summervflle.
Then you have a blessed small i
come" is Carroll's ungallant retort.
8 "Getting married is like going aroul
= a corner; you can't tell whom o a
;, likely to meet" says Miss Summervll
..Then I'll go over the roof
In one of his songs Carroll refers
n a man who was so lazy his liver wol
. not work.
, Ezra Kendall at Keith's says he we
y to a hotel, got into a row with the Gle
and was thrown down stairs. While
= was falling a policeman who was
tracted by the noise, asked him WI
It no was doing. Looking for a pls
to stop" he said.
Ed Favor and Edith Sinclair in tn
y sketch at Keith's exchange bright r
artee.
she misses her husband" he
d clares. "but doesn't tell what she thr
n at him"
why don't you get up early"
20 asks. My brother got up early
n other day and found $40"
ot The man who lost it got up earle
10 Fritz Williams is responsible for tt
A ventriloquist out of work, huns
,e and penniless, entered a restaurant
ordered dinner. He had with him a
which apparently gave an order
L steak. much to the surprise of the "
.n ters. Throughout the meal the dog k
M a brisk conversation, and the |
orietor of the place made an offer
or buy the supposed talking canine.
er bargain was struck. and 5000 was 7
ut the ventriloquist. Have you sold M
the dog appeared to ask. Yes. Jt
~ for $780," Then I'll never say anot
t. word" said the dog sadly. as the tr
ster departed.
- 81 ~ IL VII