Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1905-06-03

Ieopie WHO WOuIu Inc " gam hNsh-
1t is presumed there are persons who cher
ish such an ambition-wiu no doubt be in
terested in q method which has been found
effective in at least one case. 1t may be
objected that solitary instance is not suf-
hcent to establish a general rule. Avoiding
argument likely to distract attention
from the main issue, which is an actual ex-
perfence of an actual man. the story may
be told as he told 1t.
1t all came to him as he stood on the
weighing scales at the club. The record he
made last Decoration day, when he took his
weight after turn around the links, was
down in black and white. In the same col
umn was placed his present weight.
The sum total of his avoirdupois on May
80. 1904. and on May 80 1905. exam
PIE in subtraction did not bother him. but
what was left when the SuDtrahend was
taken from the minuend doomed up so large
that he almost tumbed off the scales.
There was no such gain as that shown by
the figures of 1908 as compared with 1904.
Clearly, he thought as he walked to his
locker. something had happened during the
year just closed to put flesh on his bones.
What was it? Another year like that, he
concluded. and he would have suits of
clothes 10 give away.
All at once he thought of something. 1t
must be that. But, then. he would have to
give 1t up. So he tried to account for the
extra flesh in some other way. 1t was a
vain effort. Brought face to face with the
memorable fact he was obliged to confess
to himself that ii was his automobile Since
he bought it he had stopped walking from
his home to his place of business. The con-
nection clear, but it was not so clear
to the victim that he would be able to part
with his darling machine.
He has not as yet brought himself to the
point of resolving to be total abstainer,
but for while at least he will try to train
in the class of moderate users.
* # 4 X
Secretary Shaw was In his merriest story
telling mood on the trip down the river with
the newspaper men Monday evening, and
he told them many humorous tales in his
inimitable manner. The one which he SEEM
ed to take the most delight In telling, and
which his audience appreciated the most,
however, was Of small boy who had the
habit of asking his father to define words
that he could not define himself
PA" Mr.. Shaw reports the youngster as
saying on one occasion. what is opti-
mist?'
An optimist. my son." the father replied
rs a man who comes home at in the
morning with heavy list to starboard and
hopes to find his wife sound asleep"
x X
Commissioner Warner of the pension bu-
reau believed that when he resigned his seat
in Congress he separated himself from
branch of the public service that entails on
its members the DUTY of receiving and an
swering more peculiar requests than any
other under the government. But Mr. War
ner has become wiser. Where his constitu-
cnts, while a member of Congress- num-
bered only the residents of q small district,
geographically, he now has to do for the
whole number of pensioners, all of whom
regard him as the fountain head of all gov
eminent benefactions Many are the let
tiers received a. the bureau directed to the
commissioner making peculiar requests
but the most unique and unusual epistle
ever received came a short time ago from
veteran who lives in the east This vet
eran said
Commissioner of Pensions:
My wife has dezerted me and I have been
informed l could get a devorCe bill through
the Pension Office.
Il would like to know If ii is So please
let ME know and how 10 obtain It,"
The commissioner has directed that his
correspondent be informed that, as far as
the pension bureau is concerned, there is
nothing doing in the divorce line.
i X = y II
A number of Washington citizens are car
rying about with them confederate money
of the denominations of So, $40 and $50,
which they take pleasure in showing their
friends, because they are souvenirs from
the sunny south. Chief of Police Wiley Will
liams OF Columbus. Ca, while here several
days ago distributed these reminders of the
lost cause" to the aggregate amount of sew
tIdi lnDESduuS OI uOlldIS. OU edCn Oh the
blue-tinted backs of these vacated notes of
the late cOnfederacy is printed in clear
black letters poem. with Chief Williams
signature at the bottom. The poem begins:
Representing nothing Gods earth now,
And nalght in the waters below it.
AS the pledge OF Il nation that's dead and gone,
Keep IT, dear friends and show it
Show it to those who win lend
To the tale that this trife tell
OF a liberty born g.. the patriots dream,
OF storm-cradled nation that fell.
* x
After every heavy downpour of rain In
this city thousands of angleworms wriggle
out of the earth in the parks and crawl in
squads, companies and almost battalions
across the footpaths and along the con-
GREETED roadways. Recently the appearance
of these wriSglers brought about new in
dustry in Washington. A venerable coll
oTed man provided himself with buckets, in
each OF which he placed thick layer of
earth. Then he proceeded through Judiciary
square and other parks and picked bucket
fuls of the worms
At his home he provided wooden boxes
filled with earth. into which the worms were