Bisbee daily review., 1905-04-06
CUSTOM HOUSE MEN
 EARN THEIR SALARY
SOME OF THE DUTIES THEY ARE CALLED ON TO PERFORM
 FOR UNCLE SAM.
Nes Uniforms Recently Provided Are Not Success-some of the Men Who Have the Care of the Govern Haent's interest Along the Line.


 At Naco you go over into Mexico, that is, if you don't happen to be com ing back The railroad ties have been worn out several times all the way between Naco and CanaDea by old boys who ride triumphantiy out and drill iaboriously in. Some people imagine that our Territorial officers are authorized 10 trail criminals into Mexico. arrest ard bring them back. Not so. but they can trail them, the Mexican authorities will arrest them on the suggestion of the American officers. toss them into that little watch pocket of perdition, 'dobe jail and they are only too glad to return and De decently hanged under the star and stripes.
 The American custom and emigra- ton officers have a snap. This ap- plies with peculiar force to Fred. Barnett. U. s. Emigrant and Chinese Inspector in the Department of Com nerce and Labor. All Fred has to do is to meet every train on both the American and Mexican plan. hold up every man who crosses the line. take an inventory of his personal effects. Look at his teeth and decide how old he is. in the case of false teeth make an entry of the number and the foun- dry that turned them out Color of hair and eyes. in case of bald heads and glass eyes go into the same de tails. find out the sex, color age and previous condition of servitude of the victim. where he came from, where he is going to. whether to friends or 10 join his motherin-law, feel his pulse. look at his tongue, sample his breath, ascertain if he is an anarchist, find out if he wears socks, whether he is going straight through or only to Hereford. then admit him for two dollars or fire him back into the bosom of Mexico. Then put up a vo- luminous type-writaen record of each and every creature that comes across the line. handle a few bales of cor respondence, read and commit to memory all the latest Constitutional Amendments. Acts of Congress. rules and regulations of the department, send duplicates of his entries to all the other ports, shine his shoes. chop the wood. and, Oh, nothing to speak of. If the busy man is a happy man. Inspector Barnett ought to wear a smile as broad as the gable of livery stable.
 These officers are required to wear heavy blue uniforms. They cost some s16.00 each. They come forth re spiendant as the cloudless noon-day sky, but behold as the wind riseth and the real estate leaps heavenward, they soon descend to the most pro- found levels of dilapidation. You will meet one of these officers in the morning. and. with his blue uniform and brass buttons, Solomon in all his glory could not stand the glare of him. Later on you wonder how he changed his clothes so quickly, only to find that the transformation has come about through the accumulation of dust and dirt and cinder and a thousand other articles deftly glued 10 that uniform by the winds of heay- en. Just why they don't wear some thing like kaki for this boisterous summer weather is palpitating quse- ton which only they and their Uncle Samuel can solve.
 Those customs fellows are nice enough, but they can see lump un- der your coat as big as an apple half mile away. and they never credit it to a tumor either. Just what they do with all the mescal they gather in will doubtless remain mystery until have donned my black cravat a.S gone to my fathers. The amount of filigree work, drawn linen. tropical cigars and the number of mud gods that have been bought, paid for. crossed the line and been consigned to the remorseless digester of the Treasury Department would bewilder a statistician, but that is a part Of their work. a disagreeable duty, sys- tematically performed.
 They are those whose duty it is to challenge the odoriferous "bo. and see that he is not millionaire dia- mond smuggler, hold up the fat man and inventory his effects as he wipes the honest precipitation from his classic brow, and stay the rushing business man to investigate his earth -lv belongings while he waits.
 Only one test bears hard upon the nerves of these modest inspectors and that is when shrinking Senorita sets down her six bits telescope fuii of personal apparel and other things
 Then it is with reluctance and race half averted, he toys cautiously witn the contents, turning over things the Rame of which is a mystery alike 10 him and the God who made him. in vestigating articles, the uses and pur noses of which are not mentioned in the encyclopedia. Then he sees things which he does not know are duitaole or not. poor fellow, and then he mas thoughts of resignation
 B. c. Tarbell is marine hospital sergeant. His duties are manifold and tedious. He must guard the au
 gust United States against the intro duction of plague and pestilence ane
 every variety of bug known to scienc'
 to the bad. He has condemned ses
 eral railroad engines for being al
 aicted with Locomotive ataxia an'
 he is not through yet. The docto