Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1905-12-16
CIGARS MADAME BUYS

'.Th:s is the time of the year when the
professional funny men get lots Of action
on that widowed old gag about the kind
Of cigars the wUfnen buy their husbands
and other men folks for Christmas gifts"
observed the Notwithstanding tobac-
conist. TITS time that one got the mallet.
1t doesn't go any more. The women get
the standard brands of cigars-and the best
of the standard brands-for their husbands
nowadays You can't get 'em to even look
at phony smokes diked out In tinfoil. and
they flag the ribbon-tied fumefos with
something approaching hauteur.
Fact is, men are the best customers for
bargain smokes, not only around the holt
days, but all the year through. AS rule,
a woman will buy her husband a better box
Of cigars for a gift than he's used to smol-
ing. Had woman Of that kind in here
yesterday.
/" I want she said to me, to purchase a
box OF cigars, made of really -and-truly to-
bacco, for my husband
Yesm, said I. Aren't they all ma de
Of tobacco, ma'amT
Decidedly not,' she replied. emphatical-
". You don't maintain. do you, that
stogfes are made Of tobaccoT
Il side-stepped that.
My husband smokes stogies,' she went
on, and X there's any way on earth for me
to break him of the habit-even II I have to
Duy ILLS cigars IuySelI out OF the marketing
money-Tm going to do it. It's something
frightful to have the fiat smelling OF
onions all the time
About as hard a wallop for the stogie
as ever heard, that. Yet there are rich
men In this town, and not stingy ones.
either, who smoke stogies only, because
there's certain quality of rankness In the
things that makes hit with 'em.
"A few days ago a woman came in here
who showed lot of foxiness in buying
box of cigars for her husband. She knew
the brand she wanted-it's a cigar that's
made In four sizes. OF course, I showed
her a box of the largest size
But she said. you have that same
cigar IN much smaller size. haven't your
Il told her yes, but added that most men
liked big cigar, and that the smallest
size was really not enough cheaper than
the biggest size to make it an object to
buy the little ones.
"'Oh, It's not the price that's worrying
me. she replied. But I do like to get to
the theater once in while before the first
act Is over
AS this sounded pretty deep, requested
her to elucfdate.
Its like this she said My husband
Is as fond of the big cigars as you say all
the rest of the men are, and that's Just the
trouble. We have dinner at o'clock. BY
the time we finish dinner and get through
talking over the coffee it's pretty nearly
haif-paSt seven. Then my husband lights
one of his enormous cigars. He doesn't
care whether we have theater tickets for
that night or not-he Just must and will
smoke that huge cigar right down to the
place where 1t begins to burn his fingers
before he will start to dress. Well it's
generally o'clock or after before he fin
lshes the big cigar, and then, after he
dresses, and even when we rush out of the
house helter-skelter for the theater, we al
ways get there outragously I~te. Now. I'm
going to try to train him to smoke the lit
tie ones Of the same brand
"Brainy woman. that. OF course, but, II
t ino DhAr, H.
her husband'n probably copper her little
scheme by smoking couple of the smaller
cigars instead Of the one big one before
starting for the theater.
Il was puzzled by another woman who
came IN here the other day She asked
me, with quite a serious face, If I had any
cigars with sheet-metal wrappers
ask the foolish question: she ex-
planned because my husband Is probably
the champion cigar-breaker of the world.
Before leaving the house every morning
ne puts handfuls of cigars into his pock-
cts. and always find them In flinders
when he comes home in the evening"
"Of course, I told her that a cigar case
was the thing for him. but she nodded me
away from that
" For years and years. she said. I'VE
been trying to induce him to carry his
cigars in case, but he won't do it. He
says that he'd as leave carry a pound of
cooked pork chops in his pockets as a cigar
Case But even a case wouldn't do any
good, for I did overcome his prejudice
against cigar case once. He carried the
case, filled with cigars, around with him
for four days without ever even opening
1t. On hanging away his clothes I found
the case and opened it out of curiosity.
The cigars he had first put in 1t were stu
there, in the shape of powdered snuff
But one of the cleverest women I've
waited on for g long while came in here
enc forenoon last week
want said she. a couple of boxes
OF the pest cigars you have, couple OF
nice briar pipes-good ones-and q lot OF
good smoking tobacco-two or three pounds
OF it,
When I showed her the goods she ac-
copied my assurances as to their excel
lence.
:" But she inquired as I was wrapping
up tho things, can you give written
guarantee that these articles will inaugu-
rate new era OF peace in my homer and
she smiled engagingly- But 1t was too pro-
found for my immediate grasping. and she
went on: Because, If the white-wingcu
dove of peace doesn't begin to tiutter
around my fiat blinds pretty soon I really
don't know what I shall do. You see my
husband suddenly stopped smoking about
a month ago. He stopped because I tried
tactfully to suggest to him the advan-
| tages of combining his smoking In the fiat
| TO the smoking den rugged up for the pur-
pose. He sUlked over that suggestion ana
Immediately gave up smoking to pour Goals
of fire on my head. or something. and to
make himself look abused.
Since that evening our home has been
a mere place of existence. He comes home
from the Office without word in him. and
mopes and moons around for the entIre
evening. When he's not sitting with his
head IN his hands, after dinner, he's raging
and plungfng up and down In the fiat Iika
somebody with the St. Vitus dance. He
enaws his mustache till it's a sight, and
ne tries to read the newspapers upside
down. He never leaves off chewing gum,
and the smacking of that almost drives
me mad. When a man friend comes IN
smoking a fragrant cigar my husband just
sits and stares wolfshly and obviously at
the friend and says scarcely word dur
ing the entire evening. OF course. know
what ails him. He Is just crazy to go back
to smoking, but he Is too pis-headed to
go back on his word. The other evening
just begged him to get some cigars AMI
pipes and to begin smoking again and TO
smoke anywhere and everywhere in the
fiat.
mot much, after the way you jumped
on me for smoking in the dining ROOM
he rounded on me. 81 wouldn't buy an
other box of cigars If it was the last act
OF my miserable lifei''
at occurred TO me this morning that
perhaps he means that If I bought him the
cigars and smoking material 1t would be
all right. Dear me, / do hope so. After
dinner this evening he will find these things