West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1905-01-05
Looking for a ManWhO Has Devoted as
Many Hours In Trying 10 Bring
PEACE AND HARMONY TO HIS PARTY
Bro. Whetsell and Shaw Throwing
Their Tom Cats Across the Fence
TO Annoy One Another
Will Permit No Arbi-
tration IN The
Matter.

IL NuSIe IS announcer man IN the
universe who has spent the hours
that have trying to bring peace
and harmony TO my party l would
be thankful TO him il he would for
ward me his address. would like
TO communicate with him and ascer-
tain the condition of his digestion
and If he has any difficulty IN en-.
bracing Morpheus. At the present
time my digestion battles the entire
medical fraternity and / find 1t ut
terly impossible to get within Shout
ing distance of Morpheus.
Thus find myself IN no condition
to fulfill my last wager with Deacon
Brown. But the Deacon writes me
that it is the only thing that can
save him from entering the evangeic
field since the food Of Nov. Slh.
AS true christion soldier feel that
the Deacon's training in Demothol-
ogy, if / may coin the word TO define
the wickedness of the Deacon's pro-
fession, places him beyond the pale
Of the evangelic field. 1t will re
quire forty years at the mourner's
bench to admit the Deacon on pro.
baton. There is no possibility Of
him torturing his knee caps that
length of time TO 90 forth to save
sinners who are as haidshelled as he.
AS | write this Bro. Whetsell, of
the Journal, and Bro. Shaw, of the
Leader, arc throwing their tom cats
across the wire fence 10 annoy one
another. ANY one who has expert
enced the pathetic song of the tom
cat in the dead hour Of night when
he was dreaming of white winged
angels lowering over him can realize
the distress that Bros. Whetsell and
Shaw are battling with to extermi-
nate the tom cats and harmonic
the Republican party. But they
are both equally confident that it is
the only way in which they can har-
monize the party is to give free
exhibition of the Kilkinney cats.
Bro. Whelsell has been from in
fancy great student. He has
always been deeply absorbed in
legendary fancies and mythical Gre
atoms. For months he has been
creating new tax laws which Bro
Shaw as rudely destroyed. But
Bro Whetsell must be given the
first honor of being the most lumf-
nous exponent OF abstruse scientific
taxation. If Bro. Shaw would muz-
zle the cats Bro. Whetsell might
make some Roadway with his taxa.
tion. But Pro. Shaw has adopted
the Irisbman's proverb, at is better
to be quarrel!ing than to be lonely. "
In my many years of acquaintance
with Bro. Shaw never knew him
to be in condition to tolerate
loneliness. lie is not particularly
fond Of quarrelling but he could
never content himself with being
lonely.
Both Bros. Whetsell aud Shaw are
the most ancient patriots in the Re-
publican party. Bro Whetsel IS
the most universally beloved patriot
in the party, not excepting his great
ancestor Adam, to whose memory
he, among other instances OF gener-
osi,y and patriotism, is going 10
erect a monument in Court House
Square. would not like to say
that The Adam monument was for
the purpose Of tantslizing Bro.
Shaw, who was the foremost one IN
collecting funds to erect the soldiers
and sailors monument. which vii
recount his valorous deeds when b,
is gathered 20 that land from whenc,
no soldier returns OF course Bro
Shaw can claim no glory in th,
Adam monument, for there is moth
ing ia mythology, legends or hislor]
that ] can find, and ] have scsrche,
them all, to prove that he parlici
paied in the battle 10 the Garden %
Eden. Bot find in every PAGE o
history the record Of Bro. Whelsel
where he stood by the side OF hi
ancestor and fought vsliandy an,
/ gallanuy that they might escap
from the garden and dodge taxation
Hence the cry Of "tax dodger
which was a source Of gfeal annoy
ance to Adam in his day. Bro
Wheiseli has often told me that W
must net deviate from the foot step
..f $50 49,. "a