The Bowbells tribune. [volume] (Bowbells, Ward Co., N.D.) 1899-1969, 1905-08-25
%"aWULGAR WITICISMS."

Portsmouth threatens to become as
famous this year as Esopus was last
year. - ?. .. ..>
Russell Sage says he feels just as
kittenish at 80 as he did at 49. And
just as foxy, too, he might truthfully
add.
A Minnesota woman lost her life by
eating dried beef. Must have been
something wrong with the embalming
fluid.
A Chicago paper says Cupid is very
busy in that city. He has to be to hold
up his end while the divorce courts are
working overtime.
At Manila reception Alice Roose-
velt gave her hand to 5000 people; a
gift quite number of young Ameri-
cans have sighed for in vain.
Linevitch may be premature in an
nouncing that his army is now safe.
There is.at present but little prospect
of an arnistice being declared.
A Democratic newspaper trust is
threatened in Nebraska. In the past
the only Democratic trust has been in
the Lord and the decadence Of the g. O. p.
L. ~**
The Indianapolis monkey that smoked
cigarettes is dead. What a warning
this should be to it's more civilized
brothers who are addicted to the same
habit.
The United States department of ami
NAL industry says that the milk goat is
better that the COW. For the best
butter, however, the William goat
will still hold the honor.
s.e . x**
-. SamuelCorn, of Kansas, has written
q Newspaper article on the value OF
cobs for fuel. The editor who. printed
his article overlooked the little joker
in his hand by not heading it "Corn on
the Cob"
Secretary Root has gone to Labrador
to observe an eclipse of the sun. Ashe
watches this thoughts may plunge into
the future when he will hide the other
presidential aspirants from the view of
the people. s ....F
Science tells us that it is only the
female mosquito that bites. If, there
fore, you should see one Of the sterner
sex coming at you it would be an un,
necessary waste of muscular force to
slap at it. - -,-.
A Pennsylvania editor thinks too
much fuss is being made over the wife
of a laborer who coughed up two frogs.
What would you expect one in her sta
tion of life to cough up, esteemed
brother? Diamond backed terrapins?
Naval experts in technical studies of
the battle of the Sea Of Japan assert
that Togo was all wrong in his plans.
When he hears this the little admiral
will simply put on a smile that is child
like and bland and remark: Results;
that's it,
AS a test, Gov. Folk of Missouri, was
handed bottle of .whiskey the other
day. He took long pull 1T, smacked
his lips in satisfied manner, and re-
fused IA glass Of water as a chaser.
This removed all fear that there might
be a warp in his, democracy. j .
"A; Se3S M III ", ssa$ ,s ~ Y \; y AIN v
After searching all night fifty detec-
tiYes reported that they could find no
gambling in Chicago. It is probable
that one old Rube visitor from the
country with goatesque whiskers and
bundle in his jeans could display more
detective skill in such a search than
the whole sleuthing bunch.
5$5sA German was heard to remark that
..All is not Solomonic wisdom that falls
from the emperor's lips, y and was
promptly jailed for lese majestic. Viii
liam is determined to teach his people
that for wisdom he could give King
Sol l3cards and spades and then beat him
to 4 friendly frazzled finish.
:..S 4, ]. y. ! !. 81.
a private mailing card that is being
Ethrough the country con-
tains this doggerel,
s There was a man in IA Gibson, i;s
s;ssy whose strouse ers5 had rough pate Gibson;
sssss He found them n
sys He'd Of ten state,
s r ficyS IA vi 40 n, q "a III