The Washington times., 1905-06-04

and trained snake fielders, and auto
matte glass arm ameiiorators, and buht
nullifiers. is this;
Beware of wimmen; especially land
ladies: most especially iandladies with
long. black ringlets and mizzoory in
their past life" That describes Mrs.
Eiizer French, who struck Alfalfa early
one spring an started a boardin' house;
and as the Alfalfa House up an burned
down 8 couple O. weeks later, nothin'
was more natural than that Pinch
Hobbs an Pete Brown an Reggie an
Merritt an me. OF the Alfaifas, should
become boarders at the new boardin'
house, an fall into the clutches of
McAvellian schener. Reggie said to put
this this way. Who the guy McAyeliy
was I don't know. but he didn't have
anything on the Wilder French for
schemin. Not a thing.
Wasn't Really French.
In the first place, the widder wasn't
French, though her name was. She was
a combination O down Easter an Chi
cago. nn' every lady knows you can't
beat that. She gave it out that the late
alexander French had been blown up
On a steamboat, an she had come West
TO bury her troubles; she started to do
this the second week I knowed her by
buryin her black FinElers on my shoui-
der one afternoon an askin' me If [
didn't want to butt into the lseepin'
keardeFs business. I had TO put ray
arm around her TO git away from her,
and she Rugged me back an called me
a real coed man In my excitement an
confusion I may 81 said a huh lot O.
things 1 didn't remember, but she called
me dear. sweet man, and her young
giant, an limited that a minister could
call most any time an not git chased
Then there was to-do. When the boys
got wind O. the widder,s proposition 1t
near busted up the Alfalfa ball nine.
They got together an proceeded to show
me the error o my ways, an remon-
strate. an so forth The more they
kicked the more headstrong I got, an
stayed more an more away from the
ball grounds and the pool an Billiard
hall that part o nay wages every month
KEEP rsInnins.
Pinch Advises.
Pinch Hobbs was the first one TO take
q hand at warnia' me. He ketched me
In the dressin. room after a game one
day, an proceeded 10 hand me some
good advice IT made me mad.
Pinch says I, you've knowed me
for q good many years, an I'll admit, as
you say, that baseball an wimnen won I
mix. 7 believe I said that the time the
willy Mis- Higgins rung the dinner bell
/ On Hungry Cash Torrey. But I don [
intend that my baseball piayin' and Mis-
French shall mix. I intend to keep her
sep'rate an distinct from the great ma
tional game. She'll be as much away
from it aa I'm a part OF 1t, Ketch what
I mean"
II see what you mean says Pinch,
''but you've started wrong No two
wimmen is alike. an circumstances al
ter cases. What is Mis- Higgins p'ison
! may be Mis- French's meat. Mis- Hig-
gins an the national game didn't mix,
but I'm afraid your intended'H mix toe
durn well with it,
Separate and Distinct.
she might like to- says ]. But shes
i goin' TO. be kept sep'rate an distinct
I'm it. as 7 said. I won't allow hei
TO go TO a ball game, so there won't be
any fear of her rnixin IN an affectin
my play, If that's what you an Josh
are afraid of
What was that you said?' says
Pinch. That you wouldn't allow her tc
go to a ball gamer"
Exactly wot I meant to convey. "
says I.
EXCUSE me-" says Pinch. 81 know
Mis- French better than that. She's
one them kind o. wimmen that does
the alIowin' herself. Wen you're hitch
ed up an settled down you'll find your
self smoi5in' one cigar a week an eatfn
with your fork, an turnin' over your
envelope on pay night Untouched
B'sIdes, If she says she'll go TO bal
game, she'll go. Home Run Haggerty
not heein' considered
I'D like to get hold of a future book
Iayin' odds on that proposition says
l. I'D bet a little that she won't go ii
I say no.
you're on" says Pinch. '1'H bet yot
q fve-doilar note that she goes 10 tht
game tomorrer afternoon"
Bet Five piunks.
/ pulled out my five and we put III
the money in Josh Hapgood's hands
Then 1 went home an found Mis-
French waItfn'.
You dear. bad man" says she. '.Yo'
. are an hour late. an your dinner Is al
dryin' up In the oven, Bsides. ] want
ed you to beat that stair carpet tonight
. We must be preparin'. you know,
I thought 1t about time to show
I was boss. SO 1 said guessed In
carpet'd wait.
THAT eagpet'll be done tonight" say
she, a kind o. funny smile shown a
she shet her lips.
Who'll do it?" says L
'FYou WILL" says she.
''Mi2zoory.'' says I.
you brute,' says she, fyfn' into
great passion all to once WHO hai
dared blacken my character to you tina
You thus defy ne?" An then she SUM
into g chair an began 20 COB.
I looked questions. Everybody know
that "Mizzoory'' means you got Il
show me-" which was ali meant. Blu
here was new complications. an In tbs
midst of it all the tears began to droI
like raindrops. and fore I knowed II
ihad gathered her in my arms like th'
big mutt that I was. an had kisset
them away An after 1 had explained
wot I meant by '.dizzoory,' l ketche'
a look ont of her eyes an went an bea
the stair carpet. maxim b'lieve all th'
while it was Pinch Hobbs an he wa!
sayin' that the widder wouldn't rnins
me.
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