davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Washington times., 1905-10-22
MY BOOKS.

They dwell in an odor of camphor.
They stand in a Sheraton shrine.
They are warranted early editions
These wonderful books of mine:
In their cream colored Oxford yellurn -
In their redolent crushed Ievant.''
With their delicate '-watered Innings"
They are jewels OF price, 1 grant;
'Blind-tooled and "morocco-iointed."
They have Zaehnsdorf's daintiest dress.
They are graceful. attenuate, polished.
But they gather the dust, no less:
For the row that 1 prize Is yonder
Away on the unglazed shelves,
The bulged and the bruised octavos,
The dear and the dumpy tweIves-l
Montaigne with his sheepskin blistered
And Howell the worse for wear,
and the worm-drilled Jesuit's Horace
And the little old cropped Mollere-
And the Burton l bought for a four
pence,
And the Rabelais foxed and fiea'd-
For the others / never have opened,
But these are the ones L read
Austin Dobson.
The Washington times., 1905-10-22
:. FlexibltU Of the English LANGUAGE :.

q ONE day the phonograph will be
improved so that ordinary con-
versation can be caught and pre-
served ia tins for examinat ton by
future generations OF school men, saws
the Brooklyn Eagle. Only think what
an advantage it would be TO us II some
body had invented the talking machine
In Chsucer's time. We should know the
English speech for a different matter
from that which now appears to u.s.
Lamentations are heard now and
again over the disappearance of flexi-
bility in our language. We say that it
Is losing it's poetry. its symbolism. that
1t has ceased TO grow, that 1t no longer
expresses shades of meaning
What rubbish, The fact is, that for
one way of expressing a thought in
Shakespeare's day we have a dozen on
the Bowery I'm this twentieth century.
Suppose for a moment that the per-
fected monograph has overheard and
recorded a dialogue on the East Side
between a resident and a missionary.
and some philologist or etymologist or
the curator of fossil expressions finds
the record century hence and puts Il
into the machine to do a turn. What a
disclosure it would be Of the fertility
The Washington times., 1905-10-22
The Original Guard.

In October, 1905, he brought from
Switzerland 200 Swiss youths, COM
;saanded by Gaspare de Silenen,
nobleman of LucerSe, who subse-
quently died In Rome. He consti-
tuted them his own personal body
guard, designating them officially
"Pretoriani excubitores Pontificis
corporis ct palatii ostodiae"-"Pre-
torian guards of the person and pal
ace Of the Pope" The idea of such
a guard did not originate with Ju-
lius II. but with his predecessor,
Nicholas V: This Pontiff, however.
was afraid to carry the idea out in
face of the opposition of Louis XII,
The Washington times., 1905-10-22

do Why. you could see a mulligan
like that half mile"
rs his name Mulligan?'
dunno what his name is. 1 said
he's got a brannigan."
Dear, me. Won't you tell me what
Is the matter with the man?''
You make me tired. | been tellin'
you for de last half hour He's been
hittin' de can-chasin' de duek-rushin'
de growler. He's been strainin' red
eye troo his face He's been paintin'
his tonsils wit Delaney street varnish
He's getting snakes. De menagerie is
after him. But de cops is wise. Dey'li
nave de hurry wagon out"
ed"
AFFLICTED nothin'! He's up TO de
neck in purple joy"
i cannot understand"
All. fade away Back to de buck
saw. Can't ye tell when a jay like dat
has been iookin' at de rosy?'
Who is Roster"
wan, youz. He's drunk"
The Washington times., 1905-10-22
London. Oct. 7.

London. Oct. I.
VE yHEN William Waldorf Astor
NN became a naturalized British
" v subject he lost his right to
vote in America. of course
but as compensation ne gained several
votes in England That is because here
the exercise OF the suffrage is made de-
pendent on property qualifications, and
man who possesses residences in diff
ferent parts Of the country gets a vote
Tor each one OF them. subject to COM
pliance with certain conditions. Mr..
Astor has proved himself a good British
citizen TO the extent. DIT least, of claim
ing all the votes he Is entitled 10. He
has recently, as most Americans have
doubtless heard. successfully upheld his
right TO vote on account of the Assor
estate Office the beautiful castle OF
commerce which he has built on the
Thames embankment
Mr.. Astor is a Conservative the party
which above all others stands for vested
interests and the sacred rights of prop
erty. The Liberals favor the principle
Of one man one vote. 1t was a Liberal
agent who sought TO reduce Mr.. Astor's
votes by depriving him OF the one which
stood TO the credit OF his estate Office
lie tcOntenCed th2t II could not be cor
rectly described as one of Mr.. Astor's
places of abode since he had ascertained
b. inquiry that Mr.. Astor never slept
there. But the Conservative agent won
a triumph for the great landlord by
producing a letter from his private sec
retarv which read:
Mr.. Astor's place OF abode is cor
rectly described IN the overseer's list.
IL is true that Mr.. Astor has a house
In Carlton House terrace, but except for
two or three nights In the year he re-
sides at this Office when he is in Lon
DON"
The building was designed by the
architect OF Truro Cathedral. and 1t is
a model of grace. beauty, and strength.
II Is believed to be the strongest build
ing In London after the Bank of Eng
land Well 1t may be. In it's strong
rooms are stored securities representing
millions-just how many millions only
Mr.. Agtor himself knows. Internally II
reflects the severe methodical formality
which characterizes the owner. All the
~alis arc richly paneled with polished
The Washington times., 1905-10-22
Officers Got Small Pay.

The guards themselves sign for
five years service, which can be re-
rfewed if they wish After twenty
five years service they have pen
sion, but they can only rise from
the ranks to the grade of colonel.
The men, on the whole, have little
TO complain Of Their pay is SIG a
month, and as they are obliged to be
unmarried, it quite suffices. The Of
fcers, of-whom there are six, of
course get very small pay, the po-
sition being more honorary than
anything else, and bringing pres
tige as compensation. The corps is
lodged in magnificent quarters in
the Vatican, near Porta Angelica,
with every modern convenience. The
service, although somewhat heavy,
cannot be said to be of great re-
sponsibilfty, and the men have many
free hours IN which, in multi, they
are often seen about the streets of
Rome. They are not allowed to
wear their uniforms outside of Papal
territory; that would be going
armed into a foreign country,
Their flag, which may be seen
waving over their barracks, Is of red,
yellow, and very dark blue stripes,
with the arms of the reigning Pom
The Washington times., 1905-10-22
Bought an Acre.

When Skinner was mustered out after
the war Of the rebellion he had money
enough to buy an acre OF ground on the
shores of Mirror Lake. He built n
cabin In his acre of ground ne planted
vegetables and fruit trees. Close TO the
house grew blackberry bushes, and in
the garden behind are strawberries.
Over the fence that separates the yard
from the road are wild roses.
Each day he takes his fishing rod and
goes TO Mirror Lake. That is. his pork
barrel. The fish that he draws out of
those waters supplies his dinner, like
wise his breakfast The vegetables
and cornmeal grown IN his garden COM
plete his diet
The Washington times., 1905-10-22
BRIDEGROOM ANSWERS TOO SOON

He was embarrassed. i'll at ease. she
was calm. self-possessed.
If IL were only over" he whispered
excitedly. Il know I'll do it wrong"
1T won't take long, John she an
swered consolingly. You haven't much
10 say
The minister was speaking: kindly
change places with BRIDE
John attempted to do so. and step-
ped or the toe of her boot. and rails
ing his arm caught his cuffbutton in
her veil.
do be careful" she implored.
oh he groaned. before all thess
staring people. too
''Sh-h-h-"
The minister began the ceremony.
John grew more embarrassed. and furn-
bled with the roses of her bouquet.
Then he put his hand in his pocket
and pulling out his handkerchief exN
cttedly mopped his brow.
The church was quiet save for tia
voice of the minister.
IF any person knows any just res-
son, he was saying. why these two
should not be joined together let MIN
now speak or forever"
II wsll!i shouted John-Baltinfore sya.
The Washington times., 1905-10-22
Lives Comfortably on $40 a Year

Skinner lives during the winter as
well as he does in summer. From the
abundance OF one season ne saves
enough to meet the necessities of the
other During the summer he fishes
continuously. He catches an average
OF 100 fish a day, mostly small ones Ten
or those suffice for his simple meals.
The other ninety are cleaned and stored
away in barrels OF brine kept in the
cellar of his cabin When he has enough
fish stored away TO last through the
winter he stops fishing. as he thinks
II sin to kill any creature except for
food.
From his garden he cans his vegeta-
bles and berries. Everything that he
needs is supplied from natures pork
barrel"
The $40 which he spends annually
goes for tobacco. fish hooks, and cloth
ing.
The Washington times., 1905-10-22

but he got them all; not one escaped.
For twenty-one years thereafter no
effort was made to reform this
Guard, but in 154s, under Paul III,
it was again organized.
1t has existed ever since with two
short interruptions, during the
French occupations of 1898 and 1903.
but it returned with Plus VII and is
still here, clothed as of yore. and
quite as ferocious looking. The de-
sign of their peculiar uniform, of
yellow, scarlet, and black cloth.
which in print suggests harlequin.
but does not look like one, has been
variously ascribed to Michael Angelo.
Raphael, Bramante, and other art
lists. The Swiss themselves like to
think that it was the illustrious Mi
chael Angelo who dressed them, and
The Washington times., 1905-10-22

aoorned' Is another room, likewise oaken
ana severely plain. where sits the Astor
soicitor-an exact man, surrounded by
neat documents recording with pheuome-
hal exaetness every transaction In
~hieh the Astor estate has been involv-
ed. In the rooms beyond are Mr.. Astor's
private Offices, and on the floor above
is severely beautiful oaken hall where
Mr.. Astor occasionally gives chiIIineIv
Iornal bancuets- The whole place is
oppressively suggestive of undertaking
business exactitude and methodical
rlgldlty Mirth would seem as much
out of place there as In touh
The Washington times., 1905-10-22

prayers, nor threats, nor bribes,
could movesthem. Nothing but their
money would satisfy them and when
that, after three days., was forth
coming. they came forth, too. But
Leo XIII had his revenge, as he
kept them waiting twenty-five years
for the next "sede vacante," while
the average length of a Pontificate
is only from six to eight years.
The colonel of the Guard is Karl
Pyffer dAltishofen of Lucerne,
whose family is inextricably mixed
with the history of the Swiss Guard.
The Washington times., 1905-10-22

with great zest into the preparations
for their centenary and at his own
expense a commemorative medal will
be struck off In honor of the occa-
sion.
The Guard owes its origin TO Pope
julius ii, who was known as the
fighting Pope" In fact, he is said
to have thrown the keys of ST. Peter
into the Tiber, having more use for
the sword of St Paul and the hal
herds of his Swiss Guard. He also
loved the arts. patronized Michael
Angelo and Bramante, added to the
Vatican Library, and laid the corner
stone of the new Basilica of St Pc
ter's.
The Washington times., 1905-10-22
sssS||a4[ [}S|'|12 2sas!sZk

who threatened to do lot of unholy
things If the project was not aban-
doned.
Julius III was not easily intimi-
dated, and finding the idea to his
taste, lost no time in giving effect
to it. But the poor Swiss subse-
quently had to pay for his rashness
with their lives. In the Pontificate
of Clement VII the terrible Consta-
BILE de Bourbon led a force against
Rome and sacked the city. The
guards barricaded themselves in st.
Peters and sold their lives dearly,
The Washington times., 1905-10-22
Lives Well.

For his fishing Skinner has built a
boat as unique as himself That he may
fish and propel his boat at the same time
he has at the stern of his boat a paddle
like that OF a river steamer{ This Is
turned by means of a chain running on
cogs and attached to crank that the
old man turns with one hand as he fishes
with the other.
The Washington times., 1905-10-22

cerne, but the branch to which
Colonel Karl belongs had long been
domiciled in the Eternal City. He
is most indefatigabie in the interests
of his boys" and the oncoming fes-
tivities are mostly due to his activ-
The Washington times., 1905-10-22
Figured in KeHow journalism.

'S"fC~ b fOHOtO OcUfUuffSf1.
The whole army of the Pontin is
composed of five armed corps, the
Noble, Swiss. and Palatine Guards.
gendarmes and firemen, comprising
$50 men, more or less, probably a
few more.
During Leo Kills Pontifcate
Rome was startled one day by an
enormous headline in one of the
leading papers, Mobilization of the
Army and, thinking that war must
be upon her, looked feverishly for
further news, whereupon the words
"of the Pope" were revealed in
much smaller type, and the Eternal
City breathed freely again. These
nlaneuyers, announced with such
pomp and solemnity, were a new
thing in the Vatican since the fall
Of the Temporal Power, and occu-
pied a month in the Vatican garden.
1t must be confessed that the men
and officers showed themselves some
what rusty from long disuse, and
came out of it with aching bones
and somewhat stiff limbs Leo XIII
used often to go into the garden to
witness the maneuvers. and it is,
perhaps. Just as well that he was
not military man, as he might
have seen much to criticise, while
in reality he was greatly delighted.
The Washington times., 1905-10-22

baron, also commandant, had much
to do in the quelling of little mu-
tiny among the Swiss Guard on the
accession of Leo XIII to the Papal
throne Ever then-or rather, espe-
cially then-the finances of the Vat
lean were not fiorid. and the new
BROOM" as was satirically termed
the incoming Pontiff, decided to
make clean sweep of one of their
privileges, which was not set down
on paper, though sanctioned by Gus
tom. This was the payment of 800
to each member of the force for his
extra work during the conclave, or
''sede vacante,' as it is called. Thirty
of the boldest, backed by the moral
support of their comrades, took their
arms, barricaded themselves in their
barracks and declared war. Neither
The Washington times., 1905-10-22

Palatial Estate Cffice on the
Thames EmbdnkmentWhic
IS Officially Declared TO Be
Hs London Abode-Con-.
tains Securities Worth Mil
liens, and Is Believed 10 Be
the Strongest Building in the
Metropolis After the Bank
of England : = = =
The Washington times., 1905-10-22
CuYtaiied Their Perquisites.

CuYtdiied Their Perquisites.
Their commander is Baron Meyer
de Schaueusee of Lucerne, as who
ever holds this commission is obliged
to be a Swiss, a noble. and OF a Lu-
cerne family. Baron Meyer himself
married into the Roman aristocracy,
while his son has an American wife.
The commandant's father, the late
The Washington times., 1905-10-22

there is no reason to suppose that
the great artists diverse talents did
not also include proficiency in the
sartorial art.
The Washington times., 1905-10-22
BRIEF RESPITE.

The hot wave now doth pass away
And leave us all unvexed.
The weather bureau will display
The cold wave signal next
Cleveland Leader
The Washington times., 1905-10-22

E<Sf~S@x<rcSI 1i4t dPSCs t8tIClScQ
Ns&sSxfyM something like real
H.s1Az ~ temporal power, the
Swiss Guard, is prepar-
ing to celebrate the fourth centen-
ary OF its formation. There are four
other Papal corps. and one of them.
the Noble Guard, is of still more an
cient origin, dating back to 1883, but
the Swiss Guard has long attracted
most attention among visitors to the
Eternal City. This has aroused the
jealousy of the other bodies com
prising the little fapal army, for,
alas, envy, malice, and uncharitable-
ness can exist even within the con-
fines OF the Apostolic Palace. In
case of an attack it certainly would
not be united we stand" but de-
cidedly divided we fall"
The Swiss Guard now consists of
100 stalwart young Catholics from
German Switzerland. They watch
over the various entrances to the
palace and are responsible for the
personal safety of the Pontiff. They
are armed with Remington breech-
leaders and also carry halberds
which, with their quaint scarlet,
black, and yellow uniforms, supply
something more than hint of the
medieval times which called them
into existence. The Pope is entering
The Washington times., 1905-10-22
Didn't See the Bat.

well. you're blind one. You want
to get next to a spetticle factory, you
The Washington times., 1905-10-22

HeOrse Sklnner, who lives Comfortably
on $40 year. Grandpa" as he is az
fectionately called by his neighbors, has
had none OF civilization's luxuries nor
comforts. For forty years he has earn
ed his food and returned to his cabin
to prepare it for himself. His bed Is
a straw pallet. The walls of the little
home are bare.
Recently to a party of tourists he
said:
Right here In my little cabin I am
richer than John D. Rockefeller. My
$40 brings me what all his millions can
not buy-years Of perfect happiness"
The Washington times., 1905-10-22
Has a Bun.

Missionary-Is that man i'll?
Tammany StatesmanANaw: he's got
a bun.
II didn't observe that he was eating
buns"
Come off, ! said, he's got n skate"
Skating In summer. How very un-
usual"
Rats. What's dis you're givjn' us?
Dat galoot's got slant-he's all lighted
up-he's full o. budge-booZe-bug juice. |"
What an extraordinary variety OF
Affections, Is Il catching-any of it?''
'What-jags catchin'7 Gee, l wish
dey was. I'd get near meself."
"Jags? / understood you TO say it
was buns
so / did. It's de same ting. He's
on a bat"
The Washington times., 1905-10-22

Delton, Wis
MoNG the interesting sights of
Mirror Lake. Sauk county, is a
log cabin which has been occu-
pied more than forty years by
The Washington times., 1905-10-22

tiff on one side and on the reverse
those of the actual commandant. II
is highly artistic production. as
are, for that matter, the guards
themselves, and 1t is probably only
in this light that they are regarded
by strangers. who are apt to think
that they are put il their places only
to look pretty and appropriate.
The Washington times., 1905-10-22

and variety OF our English language
Imagine a bit of il:
The Washington times., 1905-10-22
Rome, October IA.

Rome, October IA.
HAT most picturesque
relic of the days when
the Papacy exercised
something like real
temporal power, the
Cufsc r-
The Cecil Whig. [volume] (Elkton, Md.) 1841-current, 1905-10-07
RODE ON Ma
POLEON'S KNEE
Death Of Old Count Bertrand, Who
Was AT St. Helena With
BonaDarte

Count Bertrand, who died the other
day in Paris at the age of %. was prob
ably the only remaining survivor of the
era Of the first Napoleon who could
claim to have been on terms of close in
tinlacy with the great emperor of the
French. In fact, he was the companion
of Napoleon in his exile at st. Helena.
True, he WAS merely child at the time.
But the only pleasure which the fallen
conqucror seemed to find there was in
playing with little Bertrand. and he
used to amu$e himself by drilling the
little fellow and by riding him on his
knee
The hoy was his godchild, and was
the son of that General Count Bertrand,
who, with his wife and children, ac-
companied Napoleon to st. Helena, and
remained with him in exile for more than
five years, until he died, bearing with
him in all his ecceDtricitcs of temper
and Of manner with fidelity and de-
votion that evoked universal admiration
on the part OF the English people on the
island.
Count Bertrand. who has just died,
was very eccentric, and was wont to
The Cecil Whig. [volume] (Elkton, Md.) 1841-current, 1905-10-07

ascrihc his longevity to the fact that
he made a practice Of annually leaving
home. hiring Il room at quiet hotel,
and then taking his bed for three
months During the whole Of that time
10 on" was allowed to call upon on to
visit him Indeed. no one save his ser
want. almost gs old rs himself. was per-
mittrd to enter his room. Food was
Brought to Kim only once Il day and the
maa was under the stl'ctcSt orders not
t. speak q word 10 him the whole time.
He was engaged in this queer pro-
cess of Information when the scige of
Paris commenced, dlring the Franco
German war. His servant, obcdient to
orders, did not inform him that the me-
trop0!iS was hcleagucred, and the count
might never have known of it had not
the bread one day been of such vile
quality that he ln<t his temper and do
mandcd of his servant that he should
tell him the meaning of such negligence.
Whereupon. Of course. the man was
forced TO inform him that the city was
encirclcd by the Canaan army.
The count was momcntarily Stupcficd.
He got NJ. and for Il time wandered
about the hotel saying to himself. paris
is hcSieged-hcSiegcd. What ought 4
Bertrand to dog" After having reflect
ed for some mn'ncutS he answered his
ewn query with the words. WHY. he
ought to 90 I" bed" ".And | will 20 t.
bed" he added. And 50 lIr did. and he
slept out the entire siege
The Cecil Whig. [volume] (Elkton, Md.) 1841-current, 1905-10-07
An Ace OF Millions

This is truly an age of millions. For
tunes are no longer expressed by thou
sands, but by millions. n,,w Il man is
10 longer rich who has amu,Scd few
thousand dollars; and he may possess
even million ami consider himself
longer cXci1Cs wonder. Our great COM
panicS are capitalized for hundreds of
millions. The transactions of trade and
transportation and banking are so en0r-
NOUS. amounting in the course of the
year to billions of dollars; that Stats-
ticianS are obliged in making compMi-
sons TO drop three and even six ciphcrs
and give figures in millions of dollars.
The Cecil Whig. [volume] (Elkton, Md.) 1841-current, 1905-10-07
a Living
Monument

If we were to assemble all
those who have been cured Of
heart disease by DR.. Miles
Heart Cure, and who would
to-day be in their graves had
not DR.. Miles been successful
in pcrfecting This wonderful
heart specific, they would pop
ui2tc q large city.
What a remarkable record
a breathing, thinking, moving
monument, composed of human
lives,-that for which every
other earthly possession is sac
rifced.
The Miles Medical Co. re-
ceivc thousands Of letters from
these people like the following:
"I feel indebted to the Dr. I.5I"s'
Heart Cure for ny life. l dcs.o TO c Il
TIE attention Of nt.@cS !,t..fCl.n: as |
Cd TO This rcfaarIlal!e remedy Ter TIE
from &hortne@2 OF breath after any
lttle c>.crtiOu, pat. station ri the heart;
ard at times terri e rain in the r"g!cn
Of lua heart, so serious that I fe; :, d
that ! would .oIln t'oe drop Gcad uroI
the street. Ore G"y reed one Of yo"-
circulars, and IMMEDIATELY went to
ny druggist arG purchased two bot
ties # the Heart Cure, and took 1t
according to G.'cct.pns with the
result TINT I am entirely cured. Since
then ] Z. yer El!sS an opportunity to
rocormc"i this remedy TO my friends
Hl.o f:E" i'@a', t'rul =: in feet am
n t"a,'cli-.~ . ~. 1T, Tor / an
widely nauwn il thls lpcG!iiv."
]. II. BOWMAN,
Manager of Lebanon Democrat,
NaSi willie, Tenn.
E-. Milc-' Heart Cure Is sold by
your DRUGGIST, WAC win guarantee that
the first Bottle vii! benefit. Il It fails
he vii! refund your money.
Miles Medical Co., Eikhart, Ind