davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The San Francisco call., 1905-01-01

distoibance of de peace"
Couldn't dey!" / says, getting hot
in de collar. WELL says I, "do you
call desc tings polite remarks, or are
dey long green? Is desc tings proof
dat your husband can outsing any
Cherman spieler dat ever come over
on a ten-dollar steerage ticket, or
not? Maybe I was only distoibing de
peace. but If I was, somebody else
paid de fine
OATS what said, being stuck on
meself. I'll never be anything but a
farmer If live to be as old as one Of
Mr.. Depoos youngest stories. Duchess,
she kind of felt for de long green I
was making such front wit, she kind
of annexed it, and she kind of sunk it
IN her jeans-and dat was de nnlsn
of it for yours truly.
'I'll keep dis, Master Cheems," she
says. You are so foolish young
man dat you are not to be trusted wit
money. / suspected dat you was making
tips down dere when hears your voice
going up, up, to de Harlem, so | just
jollied you to make YOU show de stuff;
gave you a con talk to make you flash
de goods so could get my pretty
hands on 'em. So foolish person, one
to say flim-flammed out of his tips.
must not be let to keep money; so your
dear wife will hold de stakes for you
till you get wise--as wise as your wife" !"
If man wasn't so easy made fool Of
by woman he would have an easier
job proving how much wiser dan
woman he is. If had kept all de tips
Duchess has touched me for, If I had
salted away half of de Doodle has lost
to dat woman because / gets chesty
when she is only getting wise, I'd have
a bank roll so big dat it would be a
shame to own it. suppose dats de rea-
son dat a man is made to tink dat he is
wiser dan woman, is to make 1t easier
for woman to woik him. Woman isn't
built to woik very hard, and az she has
mostly to woik man, de good Lord
made him so easy to woik dat 1t seems
The San Francisco call., 1905-01-01
TABLES FOR TIE, FOOLISH :

break of:which: hlman consciousness
takes note: 1t is not that men are
Intentionally dishonest; few men are
that, and even they won't admit it;
but it is such a simple matter to for
get just what one meant in the orig
inal instances. "A great deal depends
ON the Interpretation Of oaths, as we'll
as of. constitutions.
If it were necessary we could give
some startling statistics on this sub
'j9ct selected at first hand. but this is
not an: autobiography and for that and
for other. reasons we shall restrain our
youthfuf .iinpetuosity. Instead we shall
offer a few. well chosen remarks on the
career of friend of ours, the late j.
Water Wagon. Dreams and names
usually go by contraries which is the
explanation OF the cognonen which
was tackled on to this poor sufferer
from chronic thirst. From early morn
ing until late at night he was busy with
The San Francisco call., 1905-01-01

his self-appointed task of suppressing
the demon rum. The amount he sup
pressed in the course of an ordinary
working day would have fioated a good
sized rowboat andfin year he put the
quietus on enough to have carried a
battleship over the bar. This Is all the
more startling when you consider that
it was all carried over the bar by ]. w.
in the first instance.
Of course there were times when
J. w. had moments of repentance, but
not for long. The man who doesn't
wake up in the morning with. a bold,
bad taste in his mouth and pause in
his career long enough to wish that
he could be good, at least till his head
stopped aching, is more-or less
than human. The thing which re-
stores our belief that human nature
is still doing bushes at the old stand
is the fact that men can still be sorry
for their misdeeds. To be sure, it
doesn't prevent them from going out
The San Francisco call., 1905-01-01

queer she isn't ashamed to toin such
an easy trick.
But was going to tell you about me
fren de Jap valet. Dat mug spends
most of his time reading book by
Billy-no, not Billy, but anodder Elmer
son named Ralph Waldo. don't think
he. was in de minstrel line like Billy;
anyway when de Jap give me one of
his books to read didn't see no good
endman Jokes in 1t. 1t was funny, all
right: but Toxic tells me dat it wasn't
meant to be funny.
What is it, den?'' 1 asks him.
It's philos'ph he says.
What kind of flim-fiam game Is
dat?" ] says.
TITS speculation on de nature of
tings," he says right off de reel, like
he knew what de woids meant.
You didn't have to read no book
to do dat?" I says. "Tings," I says,
"is tings, and dey stays tings wedder
you speculates on 'em, or buys em
right out, and puts 'em in safe deposit.
Anyway, it's q farmers game to specu-
late. I heard Whiskers say dat de
only way to do is to pay for what you
get; put up no margin, but pay de
whole price, and den you don't care
If de market for de tings goes down.
All dat you has to do is to wait for 1t
to go up again. Tings must go up,
sometimes, on dere would be no. place
for 'em to go down to. Don't 9pecu-
late. Toxic" says to him, for he is a
good sort and I like him. Take
an Americans advice, and don't specu-
late, no matter what dis mug Emerson
says. Don't take de bait in you mout
while de bait is still on de hook. Take
de bait off the hook, and den 1t will
taste better. and you won't get such
q sore mout.''
sYou mistake" says Toxic. de
tings dat philos' piers speculate about,
or on, IL not material tings: not real
tings, not tings wit substance
ooh" ] says, IT tumble, now.
The San Francisco call., 1905-01-01

What is it, boy?" the oily man
harshly inquired.
I'm looking for work, SIR / replied.
gazing fascinated at his fried onions.
He must have taken my glance for
one of profound admiration. His man
ner softened, and, after sizing me up,
he said / didn't look much like work
ing man. That wasn't my fault, said,
and then told him all my troubles.
Poor boy!" he said in such sad
way I could have wept over my own
misfortunes. Really, you are not
able to work after those hardships.
Your system is all run down. What
you need is some light occupation
a mild diversion, as it were, to take
your mind off yourself and tone you
up. We have the very place for you.
Where is it," l asked, ready to
shed tears of joy and gratitude.
''At our railroad camp in Polk
County, seventy-fve miles from here.
Splendid scenery, nice surroundings.
pure air and fine board. We will pass
YOU sout on the railroad and pay you
ST SO per day and deduct SO cents for
board. The train starts in an hour.
Are you ready to go 2"
Was / ready? Well. guess yes.
When he wrote out the pass / gal
loped all the way to the station. ]
IfdNGISQ III lily OoSSd6S dH0 MAUI
good time. A little jerk-water narrow
gauge engine and one coach COM
prised the train and 1 took front
seat in the car. The trip to Living
ston consumed most of the day, ow-
ing to numerous stops at new settle
ments of small and NANCY aspect.
When the conductor punched my tick
ct he wanted to know why / went to
Livingston.
ITO work on the railroad" said
proudly.
You'll stay just long enough to get
back. he retorted with brutal
laugh.
didn't understand him then, but
later on his meaning struck me in q
lump and the blow was a cocker.
Shortly before dusk we reached
Livingston, Polk County, Tex, and
halted for the night, as the track end
ed there. That was the jumping-o OFF
place. So far as / could see the bus
The San Francisco call., 1905-01-01
By NICf10a AS
NFMOso

head seemed to be making an earnest
effort to stick as far as possible into
his skull and his face felt as though it
belonged to some one else and was
about three inches too small to fit him.
His first idea was that he had better
die at once and have it done with.
Than, on more mature consideration,
he concluded that he would give him.
self another chance. Mrs. j. W. being
informed of the state of affairs ordered
dry toast and weak tea to be put on
the ways and sent out for the family
appendix -amputator. The latter looked
J. w. over and punched him in two
or three places where he thought it
would hurt most. Then he put on his
glasses, screwed up his face and in
formed him that if he would confine
his gastronomic operations to infant
food and beef tea there was a chance
that he might live another year. Ex-
tract of corn was not included in the
list of prescribed nutriments.
The San Francisco call., 1905-01-01

in your head to try to say, so 1 calls
him Toxic to save. dentist bills. Well,
Toxic, he grabs off all de silk dicers
dat Mr.. Paul calls in, and what he
don't. wear himself he passes out at
a. profit to the odder Jap Wallets he
runs wit So 1 never gets chance at
'em. But 1 taught had cinch on
one de odder day. Miss Fannie she
gives a music gale-whats dat? A
musicale? Well, if dat's de name of
de show let it go at dat, but I always
taught it was music gale. It's more
like it. Anyway, Miss Fannie she gives
one of 'em, and dere was profesh all
over de house singing Dutch opera
and playing sweitzer tings on de piano
till / wondered wedder we was on de
Mort River or de Rhine.
What's de matter wit American
music? I wasn't de only one who
was asking dat question, for after dc
form profesh had sung all de Leber
Augustines dere was In dere box of
tricks and de long-haired piano Char
ley had knocked de wires out of the
machine and dey had all got DER good
little old checks for long green and
gone off for deir frankforters and
beer, de gents gets togedder in the
smoking-room and says dat for de
real ting in music de songs of Broad
way beat any band dat ever come over
from Chermany.
Mr.. Paul says he had de greatest
American songster off de stage right
dere; and if de gents wanted to hear
de real article he'd try and oblige.
Dey all says "Sure!" and Hear,
hearp and Mr.. Paul stops me pulling
de plugs from pints and says,
"Chames," he says, "oblige de COM
pany wit your original plaintive mar
ratiYe opus. obligato in six flats and
four sharps, entitled, When de Days
Work Is Done
Say, dat's de song / used to sing
to me Own kiddie. as well as to little
Miss Fannie. when de noise couldn't
get de- sand man to come. It's all
The San Francisco call., 1905-01-01

After hearing this verdict j. w. re-
verted for moment. to his original in
tention of dying quietly and graceful
~. Death and the prospect the doctor
held out seemed very much alike to
him anyway. Then he concluded that
he would see what a sober life would
seem like, for the sake of the scientific
aspects of the experiment if for no
other reason. In other words, he swore
off. That's all there is to the story.
]. w. is still true to his name.
All of which leads us to the i'm
portant conclusion that a New Years
resolution is not so much a matter of
moral reformation as it is of physical
deterioration. Most men determine to
be good only when they can't afford to
be bad any longer. We would also
conclude that the paths of virtue are
crowded with people whose feet have
grown tender from treading other
roads.
Copyright, 1904. by Albert Britt.
The San Francisco call., 1905-01-01

& +: :; :: ; : :: :: &: /: q !: s: e.:
grabs 'em off ofMr.: :Paul.as fast
as dey gets litt1e:on de blink; arid
never gets q look in on "a lid: of dat
kind.
It's a funny ting about dat. jap
and all of 'em-dat he'd radder wear
a silk lid dan hear of anodder wal
loping. of Cory Pat McCann by Fuja-
mama. Mr.. Paul's valet has name
of his own dat would loose every toot
The San Francisco call., 1905-01-01

"Tuti'' 1 says. You philosophers
are not trying to find out what is; you
are rubbering to find out what isn't.
Dat way-tp de bughouse!"
Copyright. 1904, by Edward w.
Townsend.)
The San Francisco call., 1905-01-01

=. .tON SWEARING; OFF:
N. HE first day. of january is the
/. IT. occasion for every man who has
:.:l:. done something that he is.
H.. ashamed of, Or ought to he, to
i. -. take unto himself a mighty oath
that he will henceforth: and forever
more abstain from: all reprehensible
practices whatsoever. This is a: very
gaod thing and should be encouraged,
bit. somehow far back in: the: remote
recesses of our cardiac apparatus we
cannot:get: SO excited. over this partic-
lilar species of reforniatiou as we
.pxobabfy should. In the first. place,
We have. seen too much of. this weary
world of care and other. unpleasant
things not to know that a Registered
vow taken in the middle OF THE night
or the cold gray dawn of the. morning
after is one of the easiest things to
The Fargo forum and daily republican. [volume] (Fargo, N.D.) 1894-1957, 1905-04-27
E. c. Cooper on Insurance Concerns

provision whatever to issue paid-up
policy of insurance at any time in the
fifteen years. The premiums, too, cave
increased at remarkable rate.
'as The policyholder, becoming weary of
the large premiunis wrote, asking for a
cash settlement, but was informed in a
letter now in tie possession of the in
surailce commissioner that no cash set
Element would be made until at the ex4
piration of the ffteeil-year period Ii
develops that if the holder refuses to
pay his premiums in any year Tip to the
end of the fifteenth he forfeits every
thing, as there is absolutely no provis-
ion. for the issuance of a paid-up iiisur-
sarlce policy before that time.
sa Thc meat of the cocoanut seems to
be that the premiums at the end of the
ten-year period will be made so high
that the Insured will become weary Of
paying them and will allow the policy
TO lapse. This is made possible by the
fact that the levyirg of all assessments
after ten years is entirely in the hands
of the executive committee Of the COM
paly. s3s 81
The commissioner is looking carefully
into the dealings Sof this company, and
action will be taken soon.
Another concern that is being illves-
'tigated is the Indiana State Life Every
company doing business in the state will
be carefully watched to safeguard pol
icyholders from fraud.
The Fargo forum and daily republican. [volume] (Fargo, N.D.) 1894-1957, 1905-04-27
MURDER TRIAL
AT MANKATO u
WITNESS TESTIFIED AS
y T. no TIME or THE CRIME


Mankato, MINI. April 27.--The first
witness today in the Koch trial was
Frank Nenno of New Ulm. He testi7
fled that the door to DR.. Gebhardt's Of
fee was broken in at g 40 p. m. He
was positive, but on crosse examination
admitted he fixed the time by compti7
tation based on the time as given him
by other men who we're comparing
watches at the time in a saloon across
from DR.. Gebhardt's office. @%s.8 7as@s
Chief of Police Klause of New Ulm
testified today that he and the sheriff
went 10 the Koch home after the mtM-
der and saw twenty-four handkerchief IS
marked &c. R. k in ink. " )
He asked Ida Koch if she had seen
the handkerchief found in DR.. Geb-
hardt's Office and she said:
"Yes, it is one | marked &'@
Klause said he didn't testify to this
at the New Ulm trial because he didn't
get chance. Il, H. l.t&a4$ -
The Fargo forum and daily republican. [volume] (Fargo, N.D.) 1894-1957, 1905-04-27
FOUNDERS DAY.

Rock Island, ILL.,, April az. PRONE
sncnt Swedish Luthcrai1s from many
parts OF Illinois, Iowa, Wisconsin, and
Minnesota gathered here today and
took part in the celebration Of Found
tcrs' Day at Augustana College. A
feature Of the celebration was the am
Eiiouncement ofsthe receipt of fund of
nearly $4,000, raised by popular stub
Escription in Sweden and sent as gift
to the college
R Today's celebration marked the for
ty-ffth anniversary of the founding 0f
the institution, which is under the con-
troll of the Evangelical Lutheran An
gustafla Synod of North America. III
forty-fve years Of its existence August
ana has become well known During the
FIRST years il was located iii Chicago:
In 1908 it was removed To Paxton
where il remained for twelve years.
When it became evident that the coi-
lcge was not in the center Of the
Swedish American population Of the
west il was decided to transfer Ii III
Rock Island County, where ii has since
been stationed. "a
The Fargo forum and daily republican. [volume] (Fargo, N.D.) 1894-1957, 1905-04-27

Bismarck, N. D., April 27. Life and
fire insurance companies, insurance conn
panies Of all kinds, have to do business
right or not at all in North Dakota,
says E. G. Cooper, state Insurance COM
missioner.
For some tine.> without flourish Of
trumpets, the commissioner has been
looking into the methods employed by
the different companies transacting bus
mess in this state. AS result two COM
panies have already been debarred from
the state, and others are on the spit.
Recently the Equitable Mutual Fire
and The Minnesota Mutual, both 3of st.
Paul, were debarred from this state.
The first named failed to make any
statement to the commissioner. and the
other was debarred on3the same grounds
that banished it from Minnesota
The latest company to come under the
ban is the Bankers Union of the World.
1t has It's head Offices i'm Omaha. and p.
C.. Spinney is president. Nebraska has
refused to give the company a license,
and this is the chief reason for refusing
it one in this state. Another reason is
found ii, the belief that Mr. Spinney
has an insurance record that is not
what IL should be, and Mr.. Cooper is
not taking any chances.
Two important cases have been
brought to the attention of Mr. Cooper,
and He Is working on them now
- Z. l.-~..
The Fargo forum and daily republican. [volume] (Fargo, N.D.) 1894-1957, 1905-04-27

half of the total number. The spread
of the strike threatens to continue to-
morrow and an understanding, it is said,
has been reached among all the union
teamsters in the various barns through
out the city that whenever a member
of their union is discharged for not
making deliveries to Ward & Co. all
the men in the barn will quit work.
The members of the Department Store
Drivers Union have also agreed to
strike if any of their members are dis
charged. Other unions, including the
express drivers, truck drivers and coal
teamsters, it was asserted. contemplate
the same action. The packing firms at
the stock yards are also among the iil-
terests that promise to become iilvolv-
ed in the difficulty
While events were paving the way
for the general strike of union teamsters
ripting broke out afresh in several parts
|of the city. Non-union drivers Of the
Employers Tcaming Co. we're assaulted
and stoned and their horses cut out
of the traces During the entire after
noon the police were kept busy in quiet
ing disturbances and it has been de-
.cided By the police authorities TO detail
an increased number of men on the
strike in an effort TO suppress these dis
turbances.
The Fargo forum and daily republican. [volume] (Fargo, N.D.) 1894-1957, 1905-04-27
yd Involved IN Big AeonS Schwab to Build the Russian Ships

St. Petersburg, April 27.-American
superiority over foreign rivals again
.triumphs in the complete SUCCESS whiassl
has crowned the visit OF Charles M.
Schwab to st. Petersburg. Mr.. Sch
wab's negotiations with the Russian
admiralty have resulted in the practi+
cal conclusion of an arrangement for
the construction of a number of for
midable line of battleships of type
which will startle the world Mr..
Schwab will leave ST. Petersburg to-
morrow. =.s Tr a.. ~.
The details of the construction OF the
vessels remain to be worked out, but
in addition to those which will be built
in the United States it is quite likely
that a yard will be constructed at a
Baltic port to be manned by Russian
workimen but under American engi-
ileering and mechanical supervision,
the Russian admiralty being extremely
anxious to utilize the rehabilitation for
the encouragement of tile shipbuilding
industry at home in order to eventual
,ly make the country independent Of
foreign yards. The admiralty has ac-
cepted Mr.. Schwab's proposition strict
ly on their merits, he having convinced
the authorities that he can produce for
Russia Warships vastly superior to
anything now af1oat or at present pro-
.jected by any other government. They
will be mostly 10000 ton vessels OF
enormous horse power and Of a pc
|cuiiar type, combining the projectile
resisting power OF the battleship with
The Fargo forum and daily republican. [volume] (Fargo, N.D.) 1894-1957, 1905-04-27
SOUTH DAKOTA STAMP
" FOUNDER FOUND SHORT

Aberdeen, S. D., April 27.-Postal
Inspector Tales of this city has found
a shortage of $I,1oo in the accounts OF
Postmaster Mielke of Ferney. Mielke,
who conducts store in connection with
the postoffice. has always borne a good
reputation and his friends say the short
age is due to poor bookkeeping rather
than intentional dishonesty on his part.
The bolidsmen of Mielke have been
asked to make up the shortage, and the
papers in the case have been forwarded
to the United States attorney at Sioux
Falls for whatever action he may deem
proper. ~.:
The Fargo forum and daily republican. [volume] (Fargo, N.D.) 1894-1957, 1905-04-27

the speed and wide radius of action Of
cruisers They will be delivered full
Fly equipped as to armor and ordnance.
| The remarkable advance in naval ARCH
Eitecttire and construction which these
American built ships will mark is a
|well guarded secret, but it is belived it
will involve the use of nickel steel OF
greater tensile strength which in mach
|inery, boilers, frames, etc, will give
|greater power with decreased weight.
Mr.. Schwab guarantees to create ves-
|sels with 20 per cent higher efficiency
than any now existing. 1t is under
stood, however, that not all the ships
will be built by the Bethlehem Co., as
the time for delivery is factor, Rus
sia desiring that the ships be turned
over as early as possible. While the
Bethlehem Co., will supply the armor
and ordnance other American yards
therefore will profit in the construction
of the hulls t,~2ss.;.i r u.s.. ."@.a..a. ..... s..
This is also in connection with the
wish OF the admiralty, the Russian au-
thorities in placing such a large con-
tract having no desire to arouse hos
tiiity among rival commercial inter
|ests insArlierica, the aim being not only
to take advantage of American genius
in building up the Russian navy but
distinctiyely to cultivate closer COM
mercial relations between the two
countries. III is understood that no
arrangements have as yet been conclud-
| ed with French or German builders
for these ships which will be construct
| ed in those countries.
The Fargo forum and daily republican. [volume] (Fargo, N.D.) 1894-1957, 1905-04-27
STANDARD OIL PEOPLE
ARE RATHER SARCASTIC

Lima. O.. April give don't want
to handle it; can't handle it, and the
natives claim they have market and
that it should bring $I.5o barrel; they
have the chance now
This is the explanation given by high
Standard officials for the second big
cut in Kansas high grade oils, including
the territories, which have lost 9 cents
within a week The big cut Tuesday
is q cents barrel for the far west,
while the eastern field loses but cents,
and Ohio, Indiana and Kentucky prod
ucts are reduced but cent This brings
Kansas and the territories down to 81
cents, just one-half the price which the
Standard was paying in that field be-
fore the agitation against the trusts be
gan, and the indications are that it Will
go below 20 cents.
The Fargo forum and daily republican. [volume] (Fargo, N.D.) 1894-1957, 1905-04-27
BieeIoW Admits That
He Owes More Money !
His Total Indebtedness Will Reach
Between Two and Three Mill
49, ion Dollars.
lie Owes People Ali Over the
i United States..-Bankruptcy
Petition Filed.

Milwaukee, April 27.-Frank G. Bige-
low. the defaulting bank president, has
confessed an Indebtedness to banks,
commercial institutions and banks Of
which he had charge, aggregating be-
tween $2,ooo,ooo and 100000 and bas-
ed on his confession a voluntary petition
in bankruptcy has been filed in the
United States district court which COIL
tains as many of his creditors as he
can remember with list of his assets,
which he values at $I,4t9ooo By his
own admission his creditors extend all
over the United States.
The Fargo forum and daily republican. [volume] (Fargo, N.D.) 1894-1957, 1905-04-27

Galveston, Tex, April 27.-A state
of friction almost bordering on mutiny
is said to exist on the new United
States cruiser Galveston. The vessel
arrived here last Wednesday on her
maiden trip to receive a silver service
from the citizens of Galveston.
Yesterday Commander Cutler order
ed his ship away from the wharves
where she had been since her arrival
to anchorage in the roads so that the
officers might be better able to control
the men, numbers of whom were leav-
ing the ship and overstaying their
shore leave Federal and municipal
officers have returned nearly two
score OF men found ashore, many Of
whom are said to have been intoxi-
Gated. These men vigorously protest