The Montgomery tribune. (Montgomery City, Mo.) 1892-1910, 1905-05-19

IsDbk NJ lilM.
san enjoy your religion and ylctuals
as well a ever. but the scaslckness
that the English channel gives you Is
\ permanent Investment. like govern
mcnt bonds that you cut coupons on
Of. ! 'speot We shall be sick always
now. and worse every other day. like
ohills and fever.
Say. a boat on tho English channel
does not roll. or pitch. at intervals.
like a boat on ordinary water. but II
does stunts like u broncho that has
been poisoned by eating loco.weods.
and goes into the air and diyes down
under. and shakes itself liss a black
bass with q hook In It's mouth. and
'olls over like u trained dog. and sits
up on It's hind legs and bcgs. and then
walks on Its fore paws. and seems to
jump through hoops. and dig for wood.
chucks. and all the time tho water
DOLLS like 'pOlllnarius. full OF bubbles,
and Il gives you the hlccups to look
at a.. and II flows every way at the
same time. and the Wind m from
the fourteen quarters At once. and
blowa hot IL you are too hot and want
n cool breeze, and n you are too cold.
and want a warm breeze 10 keep you
alive. Il comes risbt from the north
pole. and you just perish In your
tracks.
Gee, but II Is awful. when you get
seasick ON an ordinary orcan. you
know whore to locate the disease. and
you know where to go for relief. and
when you have got relieved you know
that you are alive. but an English
channel s~easickncss Is rs dinoron,
from any other ~ an alcohol Jag Is
different from a Champagne drunk.
This English channel seasicknoss be.
Sins on your toes, and you feel as
though tho toonnils were being pulled
out with pincers, and tue veins IN
your legs seem to explode, your arms
wilt like lettuce In front OF a cheap
grocery, Your head seems TO DO struck
with a %pllc-drlyor and tcloscopod down
Into your spine, ard your stomach
feels as though you had swallowed n
telephone pole with all OF the cross
arms and wires and glass insulators,
and you wish lightning would strike
You. Gosh. but dad was no; when
he found that he was sick that way,
and when We got ashore he wanted 10
Kill the first man he mot.
lie thinks that II Is a crime for
man not to understand the English
language. and when he tells what he
wants, and the man he Ia talking Ia
shrugs his shoulders and laughs. and
brings him something else. he wants
to pull his gun and begin to shoot
up the town. and only for me he would
have killed people before this, but now
he takes It out In scowling at people
who do not understand him. Dad
seems TO think that II he cannot make
a man understand what he says. all
he has to do is to swear at the man
but there Is no universal language OF
profanity, so the moro dad swears the
more the nervous Frenchman smiles
and acts polite,
think the French people are the
politest folks I ever knew. II a
srenchman had to kick n person out Of
coors. be would wear q felt slipper
and after he had Kicked you he would
place his hard on his heart. and bow
n look 80 sorry. and hurt. that you
would want to give him a tip.
o. but this tipping business Ia whal
u breaking dads heart. I think II
the servants would arrange q syndi
cata to rob dad Of two or three dol
lars q day, by pocket picking. or sneak
thieving. he would overlook Il, ant
say that az long aa Il was one Of til,
customs OF the country We shoult
lave % submit to y but when ;