The Caldwell tribune. [volume] (Caldwell, Idaho Territory [Idaho]) 1883-1928, 1905-05-20


convalescent." al
He suppose Miss de Millions mar
ried that poor young artist because
she loved him. She-No; because her
dearest friend loved him. ee
Amateur Sportsman say, did hit
anything that time Gamekeeper-I
think not, sir. There warn't nothing
in sight but the birds, sir.-Judge. 81
The Lawyer-H'm! What makes
you think you wish to study to become
a lawyer? The Applicant-Well me
folks object to me bein' a burglar
Judge. ~
Man Overboard-Help, help! Stran-
ger-Phuy don't yez swim? Il don't
know how" "Begorry, we've got an
iligant chance to learn."-New York
Weekly.
Her suggestion: He-Yon know,
darling, we cannot live on cheese and
kisses. She-Then why not leave the
nasty old cheese out?-Lippineott's
Magazine. $3.50
Firemen rush into a house in re-
spouse to an alarm Of fre-are met
by a small boy. Ralph-Say, If the
house burns down, don't save my fan
nels-'cause they scratch me.-Life.
Lena-Fred didn't blow his brains
out because you Tilted him the other
night; he came and proposed to me.
Maud-Did he? Then he must have
got rid of them in some other way!
Mr.. Skinflint-The paper says skirts
are to beworn longer than ever! Mrs
Skinfint-Well, you needn't be fig
germ on me wearin' mine any longer.
I've worn it five years this fall al
ready.
Some one asked Lincoln how long
mans legs should be. He replied he
had not given the subject any thought,
but should say they should be long
enough to reach from his body to the
ground.
You kin help de cause of honesty
heap" said Uncle Eben, "by preach
in about it, but you kin help it heap
mo- by not danglin' roas' chicken IN
der a hungry mans nose."-Washing-
ton Star.
Billings wife is most accomplish
ed woman" remarked the man who
sneers. "IndeedT' Yes; she under
stands five languages and knows how
to keep quiet in all of them" wash
ington Star.
'Is your friend a good shot?" Yes"
answered the sportsman after some
hesitation. "He never hits any game.
but then he never hits any Of the peo-
pie in his hunting party, either."-
Washington Star.
Medium can tell you about a
buried treasure. Patron-Please dont!
Ny husband is always footing that in
my ears. Medium-Does he know
Anything about a buried treasure?
Patron--Yes; his first wife.-Tit Bits.
you say he has visionary and inl-
practical nature? yes" answered the
girl who is employed in the postoffice;
''he is one Of those people who write
Rush on an envelope instead of put
ting on a special delivery stamp
Washington Star.
1.-THE trouble" said the dentist. as
he probed away at the aching molar
with along, slender intrument, us evil
IDENTITY due to dying nerve" "Well,"
groaned the victim, ''it's up to you to
treat the dying with little more re-
spect. "-Chicago News.
Young Man-Say, you-er-remem,
Der the engagement ring l bought OF
YOU yesterday? Jeweler-Yes. What's
wrong with it? Young Man-Nothing;
but there's something wrong with the
girl. Would you mind taking it back
and giving me collar buttons for it?
Mrs. Mulgrew-Are ye goin' to sind
yer boy Tommy back to school this
week? Mrs. O'Doolcy-No, indade
Me ambition is to make an alderman
of him phwin he grows up, an If he
got too much eddication he'd be
shpoiled for the position intoirely.-
Tit-Bits.
What are you doing here?" said
the woman to the tramp, who had got
over the wall just in time to escape
the bulldog. Madam" he said, with
dignity, 81 did intend to request some
thing to eat, but all ask now is that
in the interests Of humanity, you'll
feed that dog"
A demonstrations: Jim-Dora'
father Is an awful fresh-air crank
Dick-How do you know? Jim-He
turned me right out Of the house into
the cold air the other evening, ant
told me that it would be a good dea
better for my health to stay there!-
Detroit Free Press.
Mr.. Lionel Brough tells story OF
Douglas Jerrold when is not too wei
known. The wit and a friend were
discussing mutual acquaintance
notable for his want of cleanliness
How comes it," asked the friend
that So-and-So always has such dirty
Ihands?" ~ expect" said Jerroid, ii
is owing to his habit Of running then
over his face"