The Birmingham age-herald., 1905-09-24
COMMENTS ON MEN AND
 MATTERS OF THE WORLD

II MIL a comparatively recent date W it was customary for publications 0 with mission" to expend their energies on the "uplift of humanity and encourage young rnen by recounting the careers of men who had won fame and fortune in various walks of life. The great iron magnate who washed the dishes in his boyhood and rode sixty-flve miles to school every morning after hay ing done the work of three hired men on the farm was merely an example of what any youth could do with pluck. The mill lionaire merchant who read philosophy by candle light after working sixteen hours as a cashboy in a department store and supported a family of six persons on s2 a week was one of the most inspiring illustrations. The lumber king, the copper king, the soap king, the leather king, the silver king and all the other kings; the noted politicians, financiers and capital ists were made to march before the eyes of readers clothed in all their perfections That is changed now. It Is never safe to point out man for his achievements un- til after he has been investigated and de- clared not guilty.
 Corea is styled, "The Land Of the Fresh ness of the Morning." America might well be styled "The Land of the Freshness of the People"
 There is every reason to believe that President Mccall and Judge Hamilton be- long to the same lodge.
 Pardon me-" said the Apologetic Crank T wish to unfold to you the details of Il little scheme which will result in much good for humanity In few words, l am determined to establish an optimism fac- tory where we will manufacture laughs. I have written for an endowment and ex- pect 1t tomorrow. Briefly I will found an emporium of good humor, a palace of fun, where joy will be infectious and everybody will be clothed in perennial smiles. Of course we will require them to wear something else besides-this Is no After the structure is finished I will people it with the worlds most success ful humorists, comedians and provokers of merriment. It will be the business of these to manufacture laughs and they will be the physicians who will minister to our patients. Those who are weary of the world and sick at heart will be brought to the Palace of Optimism and will be kept there until they learn to smile once more, The scheme is beautiful-ah beauti- ful," he murmured softly, "and it will work like a charm. Now all I ask" but the prospective victim hurried away, and the Apologetic Crank was left stand ing alone with the dream of his laugh factory.
 With Henry Gassaway Davis. Thomas Taggert and Judge Parker all in New York at the same time, one Is reminded of the time when Judge Parker thought he was going to be elected.
 Secretary Shaw has started a move ment to make several hundred grafters in the government departments go to work or drop their salaries. The secretary might at least allow these worthies time to adjust themselves to the change.
 President McCalTs heart-rending con- wiring tears from the policyholders were 1t not for the fact that they have troubles of tkeir own.
 A learned judge says that men are next with men of questionable honor. It would appear that there are nearly as many fools in the world as there are liars.