Aberdeen herald. [volume] (Aberdeen, Chehalis County, W.T.) 1886-1917, 1905-12-28
KNOWS MENU FRENCH
PA JONES PROVES HIMSELF A
WONDER FOR ONE DAY.
lie Orders Dinner in the Seaside
Hotel and Gets What lie Wants
without Giving Ma Jones' Cause
TO Faint on the spot.

10 Faint on the SPOT.
'Remember. Henry. that we are at
the seashore now. aud for mercy's sake.
don't act like Hedge Corners" remark
ed Ma Jones. rs she dived into "A trunk
and hauled out spiders web waist
trimmed with mist. You are too care
less in your dress and speech for any
thing. and | am SO dreadfully afraid
that yon will mortify me that | don't
know what to do
Let not your heart be troubled
sweet one reassuring response of
Pa. You can always depend on your
Uncle Henry. You can bet on him ev-
cry time, 1t is ten to one that he
will be dashing under the wire while
you. your dear mother, and little Fido
will be walking up the home stretch
Indeed" was the scornful rejoinder
of Ma as she threw wifely glare at
the Old man. 81 presume you think
we don't know how to conduct our
selves properly. l suppose you think
chats all right. Mary. That's all
right interposed Pa. Il know you
have-been reading book OF etiquette.
make monkeys of yourself it won't be
the fault Of the man who wrote it.
This way of putting on shine that
you can buy for 10 cents at the corner
news stand doesn't tickle me bit.
would rather be natural, even If l act
like a yap.
Yes. | know you would, you heath
en- rejoined Ma in her sweet wifeiy
way. 1T is just like you. 1t is just
like all the rest Of the JOnses! But |
want to tell you right here that If you
cannot conduct yourself in a formal
way | shall have my meals served in
my room
NO. you won't. Smithy. No, you
WON'T returned the brutal Pa. You
wouldn't miss an opportunity to parade
that waist in the dining ROOM even If
you had To lead me down tied to the
end of Il pale pink ribbon! know
you. dear one. like Il preacher knows
his prayers. and I'm willing to bet a
hundred that no woman ever suffered
from Il loss of appetite at seashorc
hotel unless her best gown was in the
wash
You pretty pet. You dear old thief
exclaimed the cXasperated Ma. You
know it all, You are Il wonder. But
-
Forget it. Mary. Forget it, inter
rupted Pa. with Il selfsatistied smile.
Put the rest of it on ice and keep 1t.
Sing it next month, or, better still,
keep it until next winter, when we
have nothing else to fight over. Now,
then, continue your instruction. Show
me how to keep step with your pride.
Tell me what to do in order to act like
IL Smith. Tell me---"
"Well. in the first place." said Ma,
with Il dignlfied air Il want you to
put on evening dress and go down
stairs looking like a gentleman instead
of Jones. Then | want to call your
attention to the fact that the menu
card will he printed in French, but that
need not worry you. All that you
have 70 do is to sit STILL look wise. and
when the walter asks you IL you will
have this dish or that just nod your
head and you will get by without let.
ting others at the table know that you
ever came from Hedge Corners. More
over, don't try to dig into things like
you did down at Cousin HE'S, or
shall die on the spot"
Don't worry. Mary. Don't worry.
responded the sanguine Pa II am wise
to the ways Of lodging French menu
cards and before dinner Is over you
will be waving the glad flag while
slide through with bells on
Two hours later Ma majestically
swept into the hotel dining room, deck
ed out in hallelujah rags. and took n
seat at one of the tables with all the
formal agony that was ever pictured in
a work of etiquette.
Pa Jones followed with the rest of
the delegation, and lost no time in
Selling a menu card. This he know
ingly scanned for moment while Ma
looked on with anxious eye.
What will de gem-man have, sab e
asked the waiter as he filed Pas wa
ter glass.
There is nothing on this card that |
care for" was the prompt reply of Pa,
as he disdainfully showed the grub list
from him.
Henry" whispered Ma, with wild
eyed glare, remember what | told
Madame" said Pa, with some emo
ton, twill you be good enough to chew
off your own corn: ! ann
perhaps the gem'man would like
something else" suggested the darkey.
putting more water in Pas glass
Il certainly would, monsieur" re-
piled Pa. with Il grinnng glance at his
little Mary. You may bring me rosbif,
sans jus. ct pomme de terre"
beg pardon. sah." returned the dar-