Greene County herald. (Leakesville, Miss.) 1898-current, 1905-12-01
. N u-v v U U v v y 1900 yuUu u
UNCLE. EPHUM'S WILL
BY w. E. WHITMORE


and began to get real worried.
His seventy eighth birthday was
comm and we thought 'twould please
him if we made kind O celebation OF
1t. We talked it over some and Marie
said she'd git up special dinner and
have a whoppin' birthday cake. told
her it was foolishness, but she was sci
on 1t and said he was old and childish
and would be tickled to death, SO let
her 90 ahead.
Well, the morning of his birthday |
hltched up and drove to town, and she
and Pansy Nickerson got talkin about
the minister's wife; how extrayagant
Nathaniel Nixon was since he got mar
rled, and one thing er another, till
twas IL o'clock fore she started
home. On the way she met Lysander
Holmes. who drives the mail cart, and
he says. Left package at your
house; twas for yer Uncle Ephy."
We had fine dinner, roast beef and
plum puddin' and heaven knows what.
but Duthin' suited Uncle Eph. He
growled at the vittles and said this
was burnt and that was raw, till / got
madder'n young heifer. Fin'lly Ma
ria went out and fetched the birthday
cake. Twas a noble old cake. | tell
yer; there was Uncle Ephum on it all
done in red peppermint lozenges; Ma
ria made the letters so big there wasn't
room for the I'm" on the end. Here's
big slice for you, Uncle, l howled,
and then l says, in my usual voice,
Looks as If it would poison you, and
hope to goodness it will"
Well, he just grinned and took the
slice and bergen to eat it, and | set
down and pulled my mustaehe down so
as he wouldn't see my lips move and
commented. / sartinIy did give it to
him hot and heavy. Maria had to
cough half a dozen times to keep from
larfin' out. ''See i'm eat" Id say.
We've got him this time. Every
mouthful is just as good as a deed to
two acres of that hop field. Have
some more? That's right. Wen kill
the def, old reptile this time. / can
see the melodeon in the parlor. Order
the undertaken, Maria: it is the best
days work you ever doner' s-- e--''.~
When he had finished three whoppin'
slices. says: Better have a little
more, you old alligator; we want to
kill you quick; don't want you hangin'
along"
Then he sits up kinder slow and de-
liberate, lays down his knife and fork
and says:
No. he says, "the old alligator won't
have any more: he's had enough-of
cake and other things. But l wouldn't
order that melodeon this afternoon if |
was you, and | wouldn't rely on pickin
them hops this season." And out of
the room he walks. leavin' me and Ma
ria lookin' like couple of wax men.
HE can hear. says she, after a
spell.
Hes heard every word we've saidr'
said !. Then we both looked at each
other and never said boo" for as long
as five minutes. Then we heard Uncle
Eph come stampin' down stairs. He
had his old plug hat on and his cane
in his hand, and he walked out of the
gate and down the road.
you must foller him." SAYS Maria.
| grabbed my hat and ran after him,
but he got down to town first and went
into the telegraph Office. When he
came out l went in and tried to find
out who he telegraphed to, but he had
left word with, the clerk to tell no one
so got no satisfaction. Maria was
fairly dancin' when l got home
Hes up stairs in his ROOM" she
says. with the door locked, and he's
THROWN things around like all pos
sessed. He's been def for years and
years, and how, how, can he hear
nowr
At o'clock somebody drives up to
the gate; twas Siddie's old man in his
wagon. Uncle Eph comes hoppin
right down stairs with his bag filed
up.
"Oh, uncle. dear" sobs Maria,
where be you goin'?'
THE def old reptile" says he, sis
goin' to find another burrow," and he
climbs into the wagon.
This is your doin's,'' says I. shakin'
my fist at Siddie's old man.
Yes" says he, GRIMM. ''I'm glad
to say it's. Here's something you may
be interested in.' And he throwed me
piece of paper.
Twas printed circular, and it said:
''The def hear! Budd's that's Siddies
old mans name) Marvellous Out-of-
Sight Ear Drums, for Restoring the
Hearing. Ordinary conversation easily
understood. Entirely invisible" and
so on and so on.
'Them's my latest invention says
Siddie's man. II sent Uncle Eph a
pair for birthday present. He's been
wearin' 'em ever since mornin'. You
can hear ordinary conversation with
them, can't yer. uncleT'
Yes" said the old man. ''and extra
ordinary conversation, too.'' Then
they drove off, and I went in and
kicked the remains of that birthday
cake from the kitchen to the parlor
and back again.-San Francisco Call.