Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1905-02-25
COLONEL CHOPTANK
ON MATRIMONY

Around at Col Choptanks the other night
quite discussion arose. There were the
colonel, the senator, couple of others and
myself We were sitting in front of the
big fireplace, and, of course, there was a
gusty night outside, with wind and sleet
and snow and all that. We never got to
the coloners, it seems. except on such
nights as accentuate that fire.
1t was after dinner. too and such a din
ner. While L started out to tell about the
discussion, must pause for moment on
that dinner Maybe it won't sound Ike
much of a dinner, after all, but then you
should have been there. First there was
an appetizer. then bisque of oyster crabs.
Fine. Then The cloth was cleared away and
heavy napkin placed in front of each
diner, with a large-sized. deep plate. The
plate was hot. and i'll the center sizzled
single. pat of Eastern shore butter, upon
which the colonePS black boy, Jim, Sprn-
killed. dash of salt and just a few grains
of paprika; nothing more.
Then couple of the colonefS servants
came in bearing a large tray upon which
were piled smoking heaps of oysters They
were from the colonePs own oyster beds
on the Eastern shore, and had been roasted
In the oven. Quickly they were shucked
out into the plates, Jim watching mean
while to see that no imperfect oyster was
served There you had the richest product
of Chesapeake bay. served in its most de-
lectable form. You had the flavor of the
oyster, with the lime. the inherent salt and
all the juices; and plenty of them.
Jim came along with some champagne.
IL have never seen the brand served at any
restaurant and could not say what it was
The colonel gets those things when he goes
abroad every year, After the oysters
salad, some cheese and coffee and brandy.
Then for the open fire and this discussion
L started in to tell you about.
''One of friends married
the other day, remarked the colonel, land
as L was never married and therefore feel
competent to discuss matrimony from a dis
interested viewpoint, ventured to give him
some good advice. This marrying game is
queer institution
you don't mean to say that you don't
approve it?' asked the senator
'Oh, yes, as a necessary evil. It is part
of the discipline of life I recognize that
Fortunately, L have been able to shirk my
discipline. There are only a few of us
who do-the elect of the earth. AS l take
1t, most people acquire matrimony as pun
lshment for their sins. Then the
hardships of ma trimony are necessary, per
hapS, to fit people for the reward of the
future life. man who does not marry
never understands what is unselfishness,
what is sacrifice, what is self-immolation.
The married man learns patience, forbear-
ance. long suffering and meekness. These
words, while apparently synonymous, have
each a subtle difference of meaning when
applied to the married man. Any benedict
can interpret the differences.
In all my large acquaintance I know of
few couples who are happy but they are
smple-minded folk after all. You remem-
Der what the benedict said when somebody
allowed that married people live longer
than others. oh, no. he replied, it only
seems longer But, as 1 remarked, mar
rage is surely necessary evil If it were
not for the trials of marriage we would all
be so top-lofty and uppish the world would
not be fit to live in. Sometimes, when L am
x tn I OLE
over the married men who drop in for a
hurried drink before they start for home. 1
know they envy me. sitting there SO COM
placent with one to account to. But
after while, they all slide out, one by one
and then l am left alone. Bachelorhood is
not so pleasant at that moment. Moreover
l realize that each one of those fellows Is
doing his share of penance for being in the
world, while l am Sinking, one of those
fellows the President calls a civic coward,
perhaps.
well, to return to the young fellow who
got married. | congratulated him on hav-
ing the courage to take bis chances with
the rest of mankind, and then I started in
to give him some good advice, born of my
long observation of the experiences of 9TH
ers. l hope 1t will do him good
William, my boy, L said to him, some
OF these nights you are going to find your
self down town pretty late. You will be
with crowd, taking few drinks. They
will treat, and you will treat and there
will be storytelling, and all having a good
time, reminding you of the happy days
when you were a bachelor. You will stay
late, and when you get home you will re-
alize that you are going to catch 1t. Now,
William. don't lie. Tell the little woman
all about it, just how it occurred, and if
she Is a sensible little woman there will
be no harm done. But don't lie.
Another night, my son, you will be IN
a little poker game. The cards will run
against you. and you will still sit in, hop
ing to recoup. They will still go against
you, and the first thing you know it will
be way long in the morning and you will
be skinned Don't lie about 1T. my boy;
tell the little woman the whole truth, and
she will help you to economize for week
or so and pull out.
"'But, William, another night fellow will
ask you to drop in at the hotel after you
have finished up down town. to meet a
couple of actress friends of his. just on
from New York, and have Welsh rab-
bit and a mug of ale. William, when
you go home, you lie to the best Of your
ability"
And that was mighty fine advice" put
in the senator.