The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-06-02
HUMOR OF THE DAY

Paint Creek.
HVMOR OF rHr Day
Gerald-''If you don't marry me I
Why don't you aim at some vital
spot Judge.
Conadeneez-Lottie-.I have such a
dread of growing odd" Dottis-
'Pshawi haven't Lottie-'sNo. I
suppose you've got past that. ''-Cleve-
land Leader.
Mamma--''Here comes your father.
See how cross you've made him. Now,
go and tell him you're sorry" Tom
my-'Say, Pop I'm sorry you're so
blamed cross. Press.
The Lady-sTt seems 10 me Won
charge a. good deal for just a morn
ing's shopping" The Cabby-'Shure
Miss. OF hav to. charge a lot. OF have
a wolfe wot goes shopping. Brook
lyn Life.
Customer, suppose this ground
coffee is half peas DeaIer-ssfgo. the
coffee is not. but the pepper is
sEh2 The pepper. is? "Of course.
Look in the dictionary York
Weekly.
Nell" George didn't call to see me
at all last week. but he's going TO take
me to the dance tonight, so I'll make
up for it." Believes, dear, you
usually do make up for that sort OF
thing Philadelphia Ledger.
do you think that wealth is essen
tial to happiness % From some OF
the letters receive said Mr., Dustin
Stax, Il am inclined to think a num-
Der of people consider some of my
wealth essential to their happiness
Washington Star.
when I marry want a wife who
is my exact opposite in every respect
But my dear boy. your never ma
perfect woman."-Le Rire.
LET me see." said the minister, who
was filling out the marriage certificate
and had forgotten the date, this is the
mo, sir!" said the bride, with some
indignation, this is only my third"
June Lippincott's.
Did yez liver see sich ignerunce!'
exclaimed Biddy, putting her finger
into the goldfish globe. 1.-THE waters
cowld as a, sthone. Oh wonder If mis-
sus expects they'll liver cook! Faith,
I'll fill it from the taykittle mesilf.''-
Boston Transcript
Guest Ito bellboy)-Is this is a
BeIibOy-No, sir; this is hotel.
That humping you hear is on the in
side Of your head.-Detroit Free Press.
van x.-.'What made Blank blush
when asked him if he was making
any money these days? That's nat
ural question:" De G.-'Yes; but he's
a reformed counterfeiter." Detroit
Free Press
Miss stocksanbons-'I thought I
saw the baron come in. Where is
he ~ Mr. Stoekanbons-''He has just
had an interview with me; and at
present he is in the library to figure
out whether he loves you or not
Life.
prummer-what delayed our train
back there so long?
Native Passenger-Some sort Nv a
breakdown I believe.
Drummer Engine or car?
Native Passenger stranger.
HI was brC akdown q Niger Wuz
playin' it, front O. the store an the en-
gineer, who's powerful fond O music,
hate ter go on before 1t WIZ finished
New Orleans Times-Democrat.
Holiday .Excursionist Con seaside
hack, who has dropped his cigar)-
'' 'Ere's a pretty goi If don't get
hoff I lose a good tupenny smoke, and
if I do get hoff, know I can't get on
again. and I lose a sixpenny ride
Punch.
Friend-I don't see how you can af-
ford to sell automobiles like that for
De Deaier~oh, I make my profit on the
repairs. That's the answer.-Chicago
News.
"An flesh is grass" remarked the
man with the quotation habit. ..,
idiot chat is why death is sometimes
called the grim reaper."-Chicago
News.
yes" said the old man, my daugh-
ter is stil studying French But she
can't speak the language at all, can
she?'' remarked the friend. She
couldn't at first. but now she can
sneak 1t Just enough to make herself
uniatelIigible. "-PhiladeIphi Press
what" exclaimed Crittick Going
on the lecture platform, are yonE
author; that is just to give readings
from my own works, you know. But
suppose you should prove TO be poor
frost" philadelphia Ledger
ooh. yes" said the dope eater, COM
nlaeentiv. 1--WE met the king Of Ger
many. I was walking up tne street N
5ea5i,, "a q light for my cigar, and
s 81 him and says, Got q match,
partner?" a.,
ssyyhat did he say? Was he annoyed r
asHe never heard me at all."-Cincin-
natl Commercial Tribune.
.evva must commence to save, my
z,-' cola CHUNKY looking over the
bills. IF I should die suddenly would
not leave you very much"
Il would never notice the change,
che RENTED frostily. you leave me SO