Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1905-01-27
AFTER THE
MEETING 8 8
By H. F. TOPPING. JR.


The monosyllabie often instantaneous
~ throws her from 80 degrees in the
shade down to zero. And sometimes
the social club will call into use the
club OF some hard wood of sponderous
weight and massive proportions.
The instruments Of physical chastise-
ment are not, as yet, used in the Per-
kins family, but the dark shadow of
future difficulties hangs over the es-
Enlistment. Mr.. Perkins has lately
become a member of the Independent
Order of Midnight Misogamists. The
night Of his initiation he celebrated the
occasion by being a good fellow" at
the club. On that night his memory
could recall incidents which happened
up to nine o'clock, but from that time
until the next morning all was blank.
Mrs. Perkins led her husband to the
table. and much against his will re-
counted his adventures from the hall
door to the bed 1t was with the most
strenuous efforts that Mr. Perkins kept
awake, but he bore it like martyr.
Il will endeaYor, Mr.. Perkins" said
Mrs. p, ito illustrate verbally the beast
ly condition you were in last night
or at an early hour this morning.
I'D rather you would not, Alvira,"
groaned the Midnight Misogamist.
But | shall, Mr.. Perkins, and hope
that it will strike deep into your con-
science. Perhaps my recital of your
disgraceful conduct will prove moral
lesson"
We'll, hurry up, my DEAR" yawned
Perkins
Mrs. Perkins Strengthened herself
and gaZed reproachfully upon her lord
and master.
twas past midnight, Nicodemus Per-
kins' she said. Il sat waiting to hear
your Well-known tread through the hall.
| thought that business had detained
you from home, and was signing for
the hard and toilsome life you lead,
when | heard squeaky and irregular
voice in the street, family striving to
pronounce my name. | looked out of
the window in alarm, thinking that you
lay wounded on the sidewalk but you
stood at the door trying to open it with
your umbrella handle.
'Nicodemus Perkins, I gasped, is it
your
'Yesh, Vira,' you replied, come
down an let f'ler in. Night key froZe
in the lock, and | can't git 'er out
1T was mild weather, Mr.. Perkins,
and your broken dialect and excuse for
not being able to open the door, con-
WINGED me that you were intoxicated
With faltering steps | descended the
stairs and [ ! ID the door. / was
greeted with the sitting fumes of liquor
and yourself in deplorabe state. You
rushed into my arms, with the dis
graceful words of Perky, ole f'ler, waz
yer mazZer wiz your | understood
Perky as an abbreviation of Perkins
vugarly invented in your condition.
As | dragged you through the hall. you
would persist in shaking hands with the
hatrack; and you. who have until now
supported an untarnshed dignity, re-
paatedly vociferated: Whoa. Emman
and 4 rowdyish, swaggerly: What der
yor say?'"
'Avira, my love, I am heartily
ashamed of myself"
'You ought TO be, Mr. Perkins. al
though you do not appear such. sitting
There nodding while | am talking. At
teniQn NicOdemus Perkins, There,
I never expected to see YOU in such
condition as last night. l would not
hove believed it of you. Nicodemus. So
you have joined club, have you? and
pre- misogomist. and midnight one.
too Has your love cooled so soon
Nicodemus? If you continue a mis-
osamist. you will hereafter sleep
alone"
Il love YOU dearly. Alvira." said Per-
lirs, desperately.
No YOU DON'T" snapped his wife;
you're misogamist,"
Ia, hal feebly laughed Perkins
We do not mean it. Alvira. love: it is
simply a joke"
"a Joke, Nicodemus? Didn't YOU tell
me last NIGHT, while | was helping Won
IN the stairs. that you were anti
man rooster" And did you not hint
Al divorce? Lamentable Mr.. Perkins
lament9hle, Is this club ORGANIZED
for the purpose of enticing men from
-
through the streets alter miunlgnt?"
Il was ln!t->,,eu, AlNlrd.
Il should think you were initiated
fear, NiooGemus. it was a horrible lore
bodins OF family difficulties. | am
mild now, Mr.. Perkins; but the worm
will turn, and you will either break
my heart or make me a Shrew l
left YOU in the hall" continued Mrs
Perkins. resuming her recital. Il left
YOU in the hall
We'll hurry up, Alvira dear, and get
me to Ded.'
Il say | left You in the hall, Nicode-
mus Perkins" she repeated, with q
cheerful woman's scorn. Il dragged
sou up the stairs, and at each step you
would resist my efforts. and try to re-
member portion of vulgar drink
ing song, and ask me to sing it for
YOU again. Sometimes you would call
me Snithers or Ferguson; but the
Perky" with the establishment of
ole t'ler.' By great endeavors | sue
ceeded in getting you in the room, and
as the light shone On you. your con-
dition was made clearly manifest /
placed you in a chair. and stood gaz-
ing at you with a wife's pity. You
sat, or rather remained, where placed
you, in bunch. Your necktie had
doubled round under your left ear. and
your shirt bosom was decidedly filthy.
Your pants were ruined, and the beau