The Kimball graphic. (Kimball, Brule County, Dakota [S.D.]) 1883-1905, 1905-03-17
IaTEsI JoXesFRoM The STAGE
0uips That Are Doing Duty in
metropolitan Ihratur>.

1t is a fact that brighter and funnier
+ things are said 10y actors OFT the stays
than when they ut:e, the lines written
hy some IL else. Fake Maurice BARRY
more. tor Instance. He was talking to
two friends about ,se !,~neii, To Toe given
at the Academy OF Music. I'M said:
Say Barry, what is the Actors ordar
OF Friendships
Two beers, replied HarlN.
AT the Lambs CLUB the other nleh
DiNey told 4 new story about S~tctson.
He had engaged a song and dance man
who WAS feartully bad The artist
was just making his exit, singing the
last bars of Where Are the Friends OF
My YOUTH when Stetson. who WAS
standing III the wings. said; Take the
rest of the week and find them
George Fuller Golden. at lleith's, tells
OF the man who WAS sent in haste for
the doctor To attend his mothet-in-law-
shes at death's door. DOCTOR said he.
and I'm afraid YOU can't pun her
through" 4,
John Kernel says h. called on a.
friend II Was treated to the most de-
licious Sausage he ever ate. Il asked
them where hr got them. and he gave
me a pointer
There ara many new jokes i'll the re-
vised "Evangeline" at The Garden thea
ter. Fred solomon at one stage of the
play tina he will recite u
poem composed by himself. Striking an
heroic attitude, he declares:
Mary had a little calf,
So she couldn't put on boomers"
Another version of tho prevalent polit-
icai joke is heard in the same b%urlesque.
Biselow. made up as David e. Hill. an
ounces that he mus; take the l2At
train to Albany,
gold man.
Solomon-Then why 10 YOU take the
16 to / rain
Frederick Rond. in My Friend fror,
India" gives Perkins a pair of trousers.
r%emalkins that they are a good nj,
Goo fl, for a man Of my Wears" re-
plies Perkins. but for any other man
they wou he a convulsion.'
Most of Francis Wilson's jokes j.
Hal a King" pertain to the play y
few of his witty epigrams. however, de-
serve to he quoted:
"A man can say things in four Min
utes that he would spend forty years III
re2rettin2."
IF people would stop 10 think before
they get married, children would be,
come obsolete"
sam Reed, who plays Judge Lynch ii,
Sue was asked 10y a new acuuaint-
ance if his name really We're Reed.
'Certainly; why do YOU ask"
Well. there are So many actor folks
who take facetious names that l thought
mebbe you did too
Dick Golden. at Keith's. says an Irish.
man bet 10 cents he could eat more oy-
stefs than the dealer could open. After
swallowing ninety of the bivalves. Pat
laid a dime one counter n said: BE
dad, you We Won. | cant eat any more
Speaking of oysters reminds me of
Dixey's story of the man who entered a
country store on a cold day. \ group of
v hDo'AS wv wv
and the stranger could % get near
enough to get warm. Coz any oy-
sters?" he asked the proprietor, and re-
ceiving an affirmative reply said: Take
a dozen on the half shell out to my
horse
All hands crowded to the door to sec
a horse eat oysters. and the stranger Sc
cured the most comfortable seat. The
..z. .-,~ a-l en;l III.
horse refused to eat the she'll fish. We'll
I give EN- to me. then said the foxy Wis.
itor, secure in mis- resting place.
In Brian Boru' Richard Carroll has
some bright lines. i've had enough
to drink today" he says. but I'll take
one more, In case | should be thirsty
tomorrow"
MY face is my fortune" declares
Annie Summervil!e.
Then you ave a blessed small in
come,'' is CAROLS ungallant retort.
Getting married is like going around
a corner; you can't tell whom you are
likely to meet says Miss Summerville
Then I'll go over the roof"
In one of his songs Carroll refers t.
a man who was so lazy his liver would
II not work.
Ezra Kendall at Keith's says he wen
to a hotel. got int a row with the CLERK
and was thrown down stairs. While h.
was falling a policeman who was at
tracted by the noise. asked him wha
he was doing. "Looking for a place
to STOP he said.
IId Favor and Edith Sinclair in thei.
sketch at Keith's exchange bright rep
artee.
She misses her husband he de
clares. but doesn't tell what she threw
at him
why don't you get up early?' sh'
asks. My brother got up early tn
other day and found So
The man Who lost it got up earlier.
Fritz Williams is responsible for this
A ventriloquist out of work, hungr.
and pennilcss, entered a restaurant a
ordered dinner. He had with him a do.
which apparently gave an order 70