Aberdeen herald. [volume] (Aberdeen, Chehalis County, W.T.) 1886-1917, 1905-09-21

ABROAD! Almost. AlInoSt! WI 1l
do you mean by that?" well, You
see, had my wife with me" Life.
First Capitalist-What would you do
If you lost your money? Second Capt.
talist-Start Il magazine and expose
the methods by which l used to make
it.-Judge.
Mistah Johnsing yo' glib me
no hope, Liza? Miss Jackson-Once
an TO all, Mistah Johnsing. l tells 20
won't be no mans cullud supple
ment.-Puck.
You say his death was due to care
lessness z" Yep" answered Three
Finger Sam. what kind of careless
ness?" Got caught stealth ca tile
Washington Star
Father (of large family)-My dear,
isn't 1t about time you were thinking
Of getting married? Daughter-Heav-
ems! l haven't thought Of anything
else for years.-Illustrated Bits.
II never thought" said the conceit
ed lecturer, that my voice would fill
that hall" NO." replied the candid
man, Il thought at one time it would
empty it."-Philadelphia Ledger
You can't have genius without &C.
centricity." "That may be so, but I've
noticed that it's possible to have a
good deal Of eccentricity without much
genius. Record Herald.
If, In the heat of family quarrel.
the angry wife makes a move to pick
up a fiatirOn, by no means Is this to
be taken as implying a desire to
smooth things over.-New Yorker.
Miss Biggins is very self-conscious,
Is she not?" Yes. When some one
made remark about wolf in sleeps
clothing she took it as a reflection on
her Persian lamb oat"-Exchange.
Little Pet ION her knees, before re-
tiring)-Mamma, may pray for rain /?
Mamma-Y-e-s, If you want to; but
| why? Little Pet-Suse Stuckupp
didn't invite me to her pcnic-New
York Weekly.
Her Brother-Sister stuck up for you
last night all right. Pop said you were
fool. Her Sutor-What did she say?
Her Brother-Sister said that he
shouldn't judge a man by his looks
New York Mail.
| Gasaway-Of all the tiresome talk
ers l think BARRIERS Henpeck-'Sh!
Maria will hear you. Gasaway-Why
er didn't know your wife was In
terested in BARRIERS. Henpeck-She
cuts my hair.-Phiadelphia Press.
What beautiful new public build
ing exclaimed the visitor; and it's
almost completed, isn't it," NO" re-
piled the citizen; ut looks like 1t Is
completed. but they haven't exceeded
the appropriation yet. "-Indlanapolls
Star.
THAT brother Of yours. Lucy" said
the man Of the house. seems to be
pretty tough character" Deed, he
is, subj replied the colored maid; The
jes' natchelly seems to be de white
sheep OBJ our family, sho' huff. Phil
adelphia Press.
|
snug little fiat you have. The Renter
Isn't it? When we open the door
we're in the middle Of the room, and
when the sunshine comes in we have
to move some Of the furniture out
Chicago Tribune
THE average man out Of work al
ways insists that he'd have been all
right II he'd only had good show in
the last place." unless he happens
to be an actor. Then it's If I'd only
had good place In the last show -
Philadelphia Ledger.
Twill somebody please chase the
COW down this way" said the funny
boarder. who wanted some milk for
his coffee Here, Jane" said the
landlady, ironically. take the cow
down where the calf is bawling. -
Kansas City Journal.
Don't you like your new ministers"
well. he's very young and not very
good speaker. His delivery is very Pc
culiar; | don't understand it at all"
Nobody could solve his delivery at
college. either. He was the crack var
sity pitcher, you know. "-Exchange.
II think. dear" said the bright girl,
you had better speak to father to-
night" why tonight particularly"
asked the timid lover. us he in a
good humor this EVENING"" "Well,
he's in the humor to give me to you.
arranged with milliner. dressmaker
and dentist to send their bills to him
this morning. '-Philadelphia Press.
you sign this deed Of your own
free will, do you, madam" asked the
| LAWYER What do you mean by that?"
demanded the large redfaced woman.
II mean there has been no compul-
sion on the part of your husband. has
there?" Him" she CALCULATED, turn
ing to look at the meek little man sit
ting beside her; I'D like to see him
try to compulse me."-London Tit
Bits.
Makes a Sporting Offer.
| Snoring CuStOmpr-A pound of