Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1905-09-16
Humorous

AZ uossu say On, George, d0n [! -
Brooklyn Life.
Il understand Colonel Jones is n ia
talist' You're right thar, strangerI
He never fails to git his man"-New
Orleans Times-Democrat.
What was your name before You
were married. asked the Chicago CEN
sus taker. Which time" queried the
lady.-Detroit Free Press.
so the jury gave Dolly fifty dollars
week alimony?" Yes. She says 1t
feels SO good not to be dependent On
a man for ones income Life.
Doctors don't bleed their patients
nowadays, do they?" Don't eh?
wish you could see the bill mine has
sent Browning's Magazine.
He--I was an intimate friend of
your late husband Can't you give me
something to remember him by? She
(shyly)-How would do?-Punch
What was 1t that prevented the
duel this morning7 Did one Of the
principles fail to show up?" mo, but
they forgot the cinematograph. Gil
Bias.
Eluster-Do you mean to say that
am liar? Blister hope that
could not do so ungentlemanly thing;
but see you catch my idea.-Illus-
trated Bits.
She-And do you think it's possible
for man 10 love two girls ut the
s:mc time? He-Oh, yes; provided 1t
isn't also ut the same place.-PhiIa-
delphia Ledger.
Miss Saskatchewan didn't he mnhry
dat Coopah gal? Mr. Frothinham-0h.
she done funk Mt de latest minute
wouldn't lend him a dollar fob t git do
license wif.-EX.
Hicks-Miss Lowd was in your box
at the horse show the other day,
heard Wicks-Yes, and everybody
else within fifty feet of the box heard,
too Philadelphia Ledger.
Mamma tat breakfast tablel-You
should always use your napkin. Geor-
gle. Georgia am using IT, mamma
I've got the dog tied 10 the leg Of the
table with it.-Golden Days.
Tommy Pop, what is the difference
between charity and philanthropy
Tommy's Pop Merely, my son, that
philanthropy can afford TO hire press
agent -Philadclphi Record.
Johnny Jinks-Gee! How'd you
hurt your hand? Bobby Wabbles-I
had a giant-cracker, and dent know
whether | held on to II too long or
didn't let go quick cnough.-Puck.
Miss Sllmmun Harold called me a
peach a little while ago, Miss Tartun
The insulting puppy | never would
speak TO him again. or course he
meant dried peach.-~Chicago Trib-
une.
What authority have you for the
statement that Shakespeare is immor-
tall" "The fact that he still survives
after having been murdered by bum
actors for three hundred years.
Cleveland Leader.
THAT girl gets engaged to every fell
low that asks her" 81 suppose she
goes on the theory that she can always
return the goods II on examination she
decides that she doesn't want them. -
Washington Star.
Dear John" wrote Mrs. Newlywod
from the shore, II inclose the hotel
bin" Dear Jane ! inclOse check"
wrote John, but please don't buy any
more hotels ut this price they are rob-
bling you. THE Smart Set
An. pretty lady" exclaimed tho
fortune teller, you have come to ind
your future husbandI" Not much"'
replied the pretty lady, I've come to
learn where my present husband is
when he's abscnt."-~Chicago Tribune.
Have you any fixed opinions regard
ing the proposed franchise asked the
Before answering your
Question" responded the municipal Of
fetal. 81 should like to know precise
Is what you mean by the word fixed
Washington Star.
Ethcl-Whcn does your broach-or-
promise suit come into court, Clara?
Clara (sobblng) II tomorrow Ethel
am sorry to see you so
overcome. dear. Clara-Oh, It's moth
ing. Ethel am simply rehearsing for
the jury rick-Mc-Up
That IN auction piano your
got, isn't IT, asked the sar-
castle woman next door. no, indecdp'
replied the proud mother, Indignantly;
what made you think thatf' "Oh,
probably because it's going going. 20
ing alI the time" - Philadelphia
Ledger
why am GloomyT demanded tae
undesirable admmer, to whom she had
given the cut direct Isn't it enough
70 make one gloomy to be cut by the
one he loves bestT' THE idear' x
claimed the heartless girl, II didnt
even know that you shaved yourself"
Philadelphia Press.
Aiiss Running Every woman should
work hard for husband. Mr.. Marry