Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1905-10-21
THE SPREE WILL OUT

81 beg to announce" observed the man
with the chastened, its-all-oyer-now ex-
preston, ''that some OF these rainy after
Moons I'm going to begin to write a cunnin'
little treatise or brochure. which shall be
entitled the Manifold Difficulties Involved in
the Effort to Keep Personally Conducted
Souse Under Cover-that's what sure am
a-going to do.
Before beginning the actual writing OF
that booklet, however, I'll first have to
spend few years In digging up the names
and dates of a few chaps who have ever
succeeded In keeping jag. or the name OF
having possessed a jag. away from the ears
of their friends and relatives-their rela-
tives particularly.
at is barely possible that there are alive.
somewhere, a few lucky dogs whove been
able. perhaps once in their lives. to achieve
that well-nigh impossible feat. But I know
OF one that's never had that much luck.
the same being the name of the present dis
couraged conversationalist
keep one Of the jag things under cover,
hey? Why, say a few years ago, after
about fourteen months of the most absolute
sobriety down in Callao. Peru, l slid down
the pole, so to speak, and embarked on tust
a teenchy weenchy little bit of tooterine.
only for the sake Of getting out of the rut
once more.
1.-THE whiz lasted only two days, and, say.
how / did gloat during those two Joyous
days over the fact that at last seemed to
be really getting by with it--that there was
| nobody on oil the west coast of South Amer
lea who knew any Of my relatives In the
United States, and particularly In Wash
ington! What sly and crafty proposition
1 doped myself out to be to wait till got
away off the earth before I started in to
achieve one of those little suds things!
"Uh, ye-eh. Yes. I thought that had
got away with 1t at last So, at the termi-
I-x Hon nd
wrote to my two sisters living up here in
Washington about how much I hated and
abhorred and abjured the bowl and the
flagon, and how I had kept 1t entirely out
years now. and I invited them to praise me
and to tell me in their letters what nice,
strong-wiiled. bully boy had become
''Their reply to nay cheerful self-patting.
1gnome- narrative Streeled along ABOUT two
months later.
'They asked me how could l. They said
they didn't mind my little indiscretion SO
much. But how could fright down on
paper, too, in black and white. and in my
own handwriting. so bold and brazen: they
never thought I was untruthful before
deed. they didn't-how could I?
How'd it come off that way? Oh, some
naval officer that happened to be down in
Callao at the time I was having that little
two-day swirl had returned to the states
and to Washington shortly afterward, and
he had accidentally met up with my sisters
at some party OF OtneT, anu ne u Idlien u
telling 'em of what real. slappy-on-th
wrist proposition their brother whom he'd
! met in Callao, was-and then my sisters
had got next and just wormed the rest out
of the poor man-and there you are! And
I was about 'steen thousand geographical
and nautical knots from Washington at the
| time-and still couldn't get by with it,
"Well. a couple of winters ago the folks
from whom l draw wages began to over
work me, and, resenting that, fixed 1t up
| sos my doctor would order me to take a
| little ride on the sea for my health.
started from New York for Galveston on
| one of the coastwise liners.
"It was midwinter. you understand. and
got so chilled up on the ride down toward
| Sandy Hook that I repaired unto the cab
| met quarters of the steward man and told
him to hand me something inspiriting real
p! quick. He did. Then he handed me some
| more. Da Capo. Repeat. Once again
Eight times more. Then moving picture
| Of EN-. And that'Il be about all.
when I got back to little old Washing
| ton about ten days later my folks counte-
| nances sure were sad-'deed they were-in
| spite of the fact that was all shaved and
| shined and pinky and OVERLOOKING when L
presented myself before them They
| promptly asked me II I ever intended in
! this life to be good. 1t was a good thing
| that they asked me that early enough, for
! I'd had 1t all framed up In my base Machia-
| vellian way to tell EN- that l hadn't even
| touched bowl Of weiss beer or ginger
| pop On the trip.
How'd 1t happen? s.-. Isl.
"Oh, a Washington woman and her daugh-
| ter, people didn't know. had been on board
| that boat. bound from New York for Gal
| weston / didn't know them. but they knew
| me by sight. and knew, too, who I was, and
| they'd got home ahead Of me, and 1t was
| already all over Washington how on that
| coastwise trip I'd tried to bite all of the
passengers. and that I'd invited the skipper
| out onto the ridge rope tops 'ismizzen Delay
there halyards to have his block knocked
nF md hot han oil tnf4 h.
| steamers glory hole in double irons for
| trying to beat the ships cook to death with
| four marlinspikes strapped together with a
piece of tarpaulin!
"You can't beat it, that's ALL It's not in
| the deck. and so what's the use of trying to
| buck against the experience of ages?"