Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1905-02-25
THE GOOD9OLD DAYS

Every once in auwhile, remarked the
man who cotfldn't keep his stogie lit. be-
cause he was too Busy to draw upon IT,
"some elderly, person with widowed face
and a voice9ike thezTattling of riven reeds
over on the Easterna branch swamp tries
to huddle meiinto ateorner or crypt for the
purpose of telling mig how much better the
good old times were than the present
times. IT,. NJ
HE endeakbrs tofinoculate my system
with his belief that al of the romance has
been weeded and shredded out of life and
that nowadays we're nothing but a con-
clave of automatons or marionettes who
hop to the front or rear or sidestep. accord
ing as we are yanked about by the ma
chinery.
''He attempts to wheeze me into believ-
ing that the mechanical and commercial
age in which we live conduces to the extin-
gufshment and squelchment of what ne
calls the natural and normal life.
Look, for example, he croaks at me,
untrammeled life Richard the First OF
England Leland then he gazes at me real
critically and tells me that I'm not little
bit like Richard the Onct in my way OF liv-
ing, because can't help myself.
when he tells me that l blow him to
drink and cigar and press his hand
warmly, / am so glad that I'm none like
Dick. And, on the side, I'm SO glad that
maven gut ally HeiBHDOTS INC l|iSh he~o.
1.-The croaker against the epoch of the liv-
ing present only used Richard the First as
an example, of course
ut would dovetail in with his line of con-
yerSation just as well to inform me that
I'm not a teenchy bit like Cleopatra or the
Queen of Sheba or Henry of Navarro or
Charles the Fat or Lucretia Borgia or Pete
the Hermit-his idea being simply to ex-
hibit unto me what a hobbled, tied-up, al
most compulsory clearly life were COM
PEELED to live and lead down here at this
edge of Time in order to hang onto our
jobs and to keep from being pinched as
vags. z--s
"And that's all right, too
I'VE may be some shy on romance and
atmosphere and the high minstrelsy Of
harps and things like those, but when we
desire to stake ourselves to swab, all
we've got to do is to mount to the second
floor with a couple of crash towels over our
arm, switch on the hot or cold spigot, and
there we are. e
''The less said about the ia cilties in this
respect during the era of Godfrey de Bouil-
: lon and his pals. the. better It's no cinch
that they would have stood for the install
lation of porcelain tubs in their plants,
even IL the things had been available.
when l want to read about the plans of
those red-fag boys for the pulping up of the
remainder of the Russian grand dukes, and
It's too dark for reading, all I've got to do
is to touch the button il the hall and there's
the illumination.
''When Richard the One Time received a
def from Saladin which he desired to peruse
after nightfall he had to chase some low
churl into the dark to hustle for rush
light, and the light was poor at that that
Dicks eyes were strained for quite period
to such a point that he could only see real
shiny money.
when L banker to inform some dub about
two thousand miles away that he won't do
and that he's scratched all I've got to do is
to edge into telegraph Office and hand over
about 80 cents in loose metal, and inside of
lncc =, ut o,+l a
of the line is aware of the fact that he has
incurred my displeasure and that L have
passed him along. -
Whenever Charlernagne had a bunch to
inform some eaitiff knight only forty miles
away that he believed he could use his head,
detached from the rest of his frame, he had
to fit out an expedition of several thousand
archers and men-at- arms and stiffs of that
character, and then undertake the job in the
middle of the night, just as like not.
'Launcelot may have been warm tamale
with all of the iron junk shrouding his
shape, but lit could be arranged so that
any modern buck soldier in soiled khaki
uniform could go up against Launce in
fair and even scrap, I'd lay so to l against
the cap-a- pied boy and then feel like was
committing daylight burglary to take the
money = n,
''Ard if any Capitol Hin girl. logged out In
a dmity dress at centimes the yard could
not hand Gufneyere cards and spades and
big ee sfno and then beat her out when it
headwCrk, then I'd turn my slate the
wrong way of the track and stop making
book So ) ZIG
r rive got better house to live in at the
purely nominal rent of $3.50 the calendar
month than Dante ever saw in his life.
There may not be so many cupolas and gar
goYles and minarets and things on it as
chara cteriZed the Florentine architecture
of Dantes day and date, but It's heap
sight healthier for a human being to live
and flop himself around comfortably in.
''The S2-was-s4 derby hat that I'm sport
Ing right now is better lid than Romeo
ever clapped his lamps on for all-around
purposes and if Hotspur could have got
next to this pair of 81 brogans that I've got
on my feet he'd have been tekled almost
foolish. -t 3D.
THE good old times may have been all
right while they were happening. Algernon,
but, after a careful summary of the game,
1 find that the year 1905, and the very
latest date thereof before going to press,
suits me right down. to the soil, and be-
meath the same
'And I'll bet half a hatful of tin tags
that any one of these heap-muches of the
ancient day would prefer to live ten min
utes under the present regime than ten
years under the way things were rugged
when they were prancing around.
mot many profounder ones have crop
ped out than that Shakespeare person, and
I can just see Williams eyes sticking out
with joy as he steps on board a Pullman
car, makes for the luxurious smoking COM
partment. grabs the good seat lights a
two-bit smoke spreads out the papers and
proceeds to enjoy himself And 1 can see
the expression of rapt joy on his face
when he walks back few cars to the
buffet car and inserts three high-balls into
his frame in quick succession. instead of
quart of tepid, insipid and non-jarring
sack!
II am satisfied, son. The only kick I've
got coming is that I wasn't postponed until
1905, by which time there sure ought to