davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
East Oregonian : E.O. (Pendleton, OR) 1888-current, 1905-09-16
Spanked an Earthanake.

Il tried to spank an earthquake
once said a woman who had spent
several years in Mexico. 1T was boil
ing hot. and like everyone else, l took
a siesta in the middle of the day.
wanted my two youngsters to take it
with me, as | wished to Keep them in
out of the sun, but they were not ale
ways sleepy. One day they had been
particularly obstreperous, rousing me
from my nap two or three times. The
last time l said to them: The next
one that wakes me up will get punish
ed I dropped off again, but in a
few minutes was aroused by a cata-
clysm. it seemed. I opened my eyes
and saw a washstand turned over. the
pitcher and bowl broken and Ed
standing by with a scared look on his
face, which seemed to plainly pro-
claim guilt. I sprang up, caught him
in one hand. and. with a slipper in the
other had him well spanked before his
howls communicated to me the fact
that ] was trying to spank an earth
quake. Mobile Register.
East Oregonian : E.O. (Pendleton, OR) 1888-current, 1905-09-16
Concerning seasickness.

Two congressman, discussing the dis
comforts of travel. happened to branch
of on to the subject Of seasickness
One Of them said:
Talk about seasickness. the fellow
that Travelled with me on my last Euro
pean trip beat anything ever met in
all Of my experience before. tried all
sorts Of remedies on him, but without
avail. He kept repeating. oh, am 80
sick, am so sick
Finally 1 cried out, Can't you keep
anything on your stomachr
"'only my hands, Tom, only my
hands. '"-Harpers Weekly.
East Oregonian : E.O. (Pendleton, OR) 1888-current, 1905-09-16
are bearing thrifty fruit In good con-
dition.-Grant County News.
COSTLY DISHES.
Dining Services of Solid Gold and
Dishes OF Rare China.


Dining Services of solid Gold and
Dishes OF Rare China.
/ happened to be In Tiffanys and
asked one OF the head men II 1t is true
that people really eat of gold plates.
He smiled and, turning to a young
man, said. Bring me an after dinner
coffee set"
And presently the young man return
ed with a small tray holding three
small pieces. They were gracefully
fashioned and looked like gold And
the tray looked like gold
What do you think they areI" asked
the head man.
"Silver gilt" | suggested
Hold it," he said and put the serv-
ice in my hands,
ITS heavy" said |, ''hut-it can't he
solid gold"
That's what ii is" he assured me
and pointed to the mark. These four
pieces-the tray, the coffeepot, the
cream pitcher and the sugar bowl-are
eighteen carat gold, solid The price
is $1,000"
Not only is it true that number of
millionaires in America own plates of
solid gold or silver gilt (which latter
is considered good enough for Euro
pean royalty, but there are rich fam
lilies who boast sets Of china costing
from $4,000 to 5000 a dozen, so that
the breaking Of single plate means
the loss of several hundred dollars
Success.
East Oregonian : E.O. (Pendleton, OR) 1888-current, 1905-09-16
Set His Bunk on Fire.

Morose and sullen because of fam
cicd III treatment Ole Briggs. who Is
serving a sentence in the county jail
for yagrancy Wednesday evening set
fire to the bedding i'm his cell, and
was nearly suffocated from smoke be-
fore his predicament was discovered
and he was dragged from the pile of
smouldering blankets.
Briggs is confirmed dope" fiend
Of the most pronounced variety, and
ever since his Incarceration he has de-
manded morphine injections which
would dull his cares and Danish trou-
bles for a time. He was cared for by
Sheriff Moseley and his force, as well
as by County Physician Lewis. being
given every treatment possible to
break him Of his habit Boise States
man
East Oregonian : E.O. (Pendleton, OR) 1888-current, 1905-09-16

The fact that unionism paws, in an
industrial sense, was never more
thrillingly exhibited than in the re-
ports made public at the meeting of
the Oregon Woolgrowers' association,
which has just adjourned in Portland.
after an interesting session.
II was shown by facts and figures
from wool sales, that the wool pools
and sales days inaugurated by the as
sociation three years ago, and observ-
ed in all parts OF Oregon since then.
this year in the sales of the 1905 wool
crop, saved to Oregon woolgrowers,
the neat sum of $S50,OO in advance
prices brought about by holding the
bulk of the wool in the pool.
For this reason the association is
stronger now than ever before and
while the attendance at the meeting
which was held at the American Inn
for two days this week, was very
light, yet letters of deep interest were
received from members in all parts
Of the state urging a continuation of
the wise and business-like policy
which has been so successful in the
past.
Robert Keys, of Mitchell. Wheeler
county. was elected president in place
Of Douglas Belts, of this county, who
has served the association ably and
diligently as president since its in
fancy. H. c. Rooper, of Antelope,
Crook county, was elected secretary
in place of James H. Gwinn, who re-
signed to become secretary of the Ma
tional Livestock association last June.
Mr. Gwinn was present at the meet
ing and delivered an able address on
the outlook of the wool and sheep
markets and the conditions that now
face the American grower.
From facts produced at the meet
ing the wool sales days will be sacred
ly observed by more sheepmen next
year than ever before and the pros
poets for higher prices than ever be-
fore paid, are now excellent as buy
ers in Colorado, Wyoming, New Mex
leo, Nevada and Utah have already
made efforts to contract at 25 cents,
offering to pay half down now.
East Oregonian : E.O. (Pendleton, OR) 1888-current, 1905-09-16
Matrimony and TheoIosy.

Matrimony should end all doctrinal
bubbles. If the man happen to be
born a pagan and the woman some
thing else, let them compromise their
differences and become. both Of them,
Of the same faith. Let them cast lots
II there be no other way.-From "The
Bishops Niece" by George II. Picard
East Oregonian : E.O. (Pendleton, OR) 1888-current, 1905-09-16
Early Frosts In Grant.

A good deal OF damage resulted
from the frosts in several localities
and cucumber and pumpkin vines
were entirely destroyed in a few
places. other vines, in the same
field. and growing side by side. show
but little signs of the cold snap, and
East Oregonian : E.O. (Pendleton, OR) 1888-current, 1905-09-16
WOOL POOL PAYS
SALES DAYS SAVED $3.50, 900
TO OREGON SHEEPNIEN,

Robert Keys President, and II. c.
Roopcr Secretary OF the Oregon
WoolSrowers' Asoclation-NIcctins
Just Held in Portland Was Highly
Profitable-James II. Gwinn, Sec
retary of the National Livestock
Association, Was Present and De-
hvered an Able Address.
East Oregonian : E.O. (Pendleton, OR) 1888-current, 1905-09-16
HnnnY achnoIdaKa.

The Parson-Well, my boy, you seem
in a great hurry to get to your school
today. Boy-Yes, sir. Bill Jones is
going ter git bird OF licking this
morning for playing hockey, and ]
don't want to miss it.-Puck.
East Oregonian : E.O. (Pendleton, OR) 1888-current, 1905-09-16

Those English verbs "dof" and
don" are merely contractlons Of "do
or and "do on" Similarly to dup"
which means to "open" a door In
Shakespeare, is to "do up"-to lift the
latch.
East Oregonian : E.O. (Pendleton, OR) 1888-current, 1905-09-16

Claude-Don't you think ms mus
tache is becoming? Maude-Well, II
may be coming, but 1t hasn't got there
yet.-New York Times.
East Oregonian : E.O. (Pendleton, OR) 1888-current, 1905-09-16

Making a life Is larger than making
q living. Many man has made good
living who has made poor life.
The Jasper weekly courier. [volume] (Jasper, Ind.) 1858-1922, 1905-08-18
FACTS AND FIGURES.

81 Louis butts into the procession
with n tax assessment roll OF ytse.
600 900. an increase OF $40 900 900 owe,
1904
Only four per cent o; the men az
the British army have a chest meas
urement OF over 40 inches. and 20 ps,
cent between 3S inches and 40 inches
New York state is about to recelye
from the federal government silg.
$3.50. interest and principal on an IN.
yestment OF $4,000 in equipping trooos
for the war OF 1912.
At Cheboygan, Mich. Is the largest
sawdust pile in the world Il IS
hill 0S0 feet long. $50 wide. as25
in circumference. ranges from 20 70
90 feet in height. and covers T. acres
II is the accumulation OF one lumber
company since 1877
Camille Flammarion's new perpetual
calendar starts the year az the rernal
equinox. March 81. Every quarter
should contain two months OF 60 days
and one month OF 81 days This would
make 35i days The same date,
would occur on the same days OF the
week and one calendar would last
lifetime.
The Jasper weekly courier. [volume] (Jasper, Ind.) 1858-1922, 1905-08-18
TOMB OF THE UNKNOWN.

There was battlefield where myriads lay
Some deadly wounded. many thousanc
dead.
An Min a hurr,ng aust Through an the
and
sprang ne ROT courisrs many name
he's bore
Spoken ., Victory ln her trumpet breath.
Crowred by th" crimson Hour Tor death
less fame
The MO- ter gave her son hc iay forgot
The wite her husband in thecarron path
Oblivion tossed him aad the maid be
trothcd
sem ler bc.oycl ne earthquake OF the
bomb
Was tht fcrtc sexton ia hts sudden grave
Ther n~nes tce cour.crs bore not. Far
htNtra
To ,uuf. haverei seeking such. ana
Ntu tl, long lea,h-iisi came az last 81
brought
TIL tane.,ss names tla. break myriad
hearts
TIE arsatri0g leader rides r history.
4 rs eof luerr K army $ eeps anoly
John James r.att in Llpprcotts
The Jasper weekly courier. [volume] (Jasper, Ind.) 1858-1922, 1905-08-18
HER IMPRACTICAL
SCHEME
BY EDWIN PuGH

Gle was a brightfaced little woman
y hardly more than a girl she
wore rayishing costume OF silvery
graz Her hat was a wonder and a
mystery CONNECTION of apparently
dead autumn leaves on a furry, blue
foundation Her abundGt hair was
fair and fluffy her rounded cheeks
were becomiLgly flushed. She had the
eyes az an inquisitiye kitten and be
witching mouth
She stormed the almost impregnablc
stronghold Of Billy Bosworths pri-
vate office without the slightest diff
Guilty and. carefully ignoring the hard
wooden chair that he mechanically Of
Tered her ensconcel herself in his
own roomy. padded seat Of judgment
"Aol are Mr. William Bosworth ?"
Size ho-an. laying a slim gold-handled
umbrella ACROSS his writing table and
proceeding tu unbutton her white KID
gloves.
-Guiity he stammcred. ruefully
And you are what they call a lit
erary and artistic AGENT"
They call me other things besides.
he answered. "but-yes"
Then ecu are precisely the person
The Jasper weekly courier. [volume] (Jasper, Ind.) 1858-1922, 1905-08-18
Thousands of Women
ARE MADE WELL AND STRONG
Saccsss Of Lydia {. Pinkhan's Vegetable
Compound Rests Upon tae Fact that n
Really Does Make Sick Women Well

Thousands upon thousands OF Ameri-
can women have been restored TO
health by Lydia r. Pinkham Vegeta-
Die Compound Their letters are on file
IN Mrs Pink ham Office. ami prove this
statement 10 be TACT and not a mere
BOAST
Ovcrshadowing indeed is the success
OF this great medicine. and compared
with IL oil other medicines and treat
ment for women are experiments.
Why has Lydia T. Pinkhams Nege-
'aole Compound accomplished its wide
spread results for good
Why has il lived and thrived and
done rs glorious work for a quarter or
q century
Simply and surely because C lis ster-
ling worth. The reason no other med
icine has even approached its success
is plainly and positively because there
IS no other medicine in the world 50
good for women's ills
The wonderful power OF lydia F.
Pinkham's Vegetable Compound over
the diseases of womankind j. not be-
cause il is a stimuiant not because it is
a palliative. but simply because il is
the mos. wonderful tonic and recon
ssructor ever discovered 20 act directly
=
CURING disease and diSplace ments and
restoring health and vigor.
Marvellous cures are reported from
al parts of the country by women who
have been cured, trained nurses who
have witnessed cures. and physicians
who have recognized the virtue in
lydia +. Pinkhams Vegetable Com
pound. and are fair enough TO give
credit where il is due. Ii physicians
dared TO be frank and open. hundreds
OF them would acknowledge that they
constantly prescribe Lydia +. Pink
hams Vegetable Compound in severe
cases OF female Ills a they know by
experience that il viii effect a cure
Women who are trou bled with painful
or irregular menStruation. backache,
hloating for tatulcncel. leucorrhRa.
falling. Inflammation or liberation OF
the uterus ovarian troubles that
tcar;ng-dovn feeling, dizziness.
faintness. indigestion. nervous pros
rration. or the blues. should take i'm
mediate action 70 ward off the serious
consequences and be restored 70 health
aud strength bv taking Lydia K. Pink
hams Vegetable Compound. Anyway,
write 70 Mrs Pinkham, Lynn. Mass,
Tor advice. It's free ana always helpful
The Jasper weekly courier. [volume] (Jasper, Ind.) 1858-1922, 1905-08-18
HEART RIGHT
When He Quit Coffee.

Life Insurance Companies will not
insure man suffering from heart
trouble The reason is obvious.
This is a serious matter TO the hus
band or father who is solicitogs i0f
the future OF his dear ones. often the
heart trouble is caused by an unex
pected thing. and can be corrected. Y
taken in time and properly treated.
a man in Colorado writes:
Il was great coffee drinker FOR
many years. and was not aware Of
the injurious effects Of tie habit III
! became practical invalid. suffering
from heart trouble, indigestion ana
nervousness TO an extent that made
me wretchedly miserable myself and
nuisance TO those who witnessed my
sufferings.
Il continued TO drink Coffee, how
ever. not suspecting that IL was tne
cause of my ill-health, till. on apply
tng for life insurance, was rejected
on account of the trouble with my
heart. Then | became CHARMED
found that leaving OF coffee helped me-
quickly. SO | quit IL altogether ana
having been attracted by the advertise
ments OF Postum Food Coffee, began
its use
The change in my condition vas
remarkable, and It was not long ~
/ was completely cured. All my ar
ments vanished My digestion was
completely restored. my nervousness
disappeared. and. most important o.
all my heart steadied down and pe'
came normal. and on a second exam
ination was accepted by the Ire M
surance Co. Quitting Coffee ana ~
ing Postum worked the cure Nam7
givn by Postum Co, Battle Green
Mich
There's a reason. and II IS explains,'
in thealittle book. The Road TO We"
VILE. in each pkg.
The Jasper weekly courier. [volume] (Jasper, Ind.) 1858-1922, 1905-08-18

I'm looking for she remarked. You
deal in authors. | believer"
LET us say their works"
And artists. and lecturers. and IA
nous folk OF all kinds n she continued.
Yes"
DO you" she hesitated. then
amended her question. Have you
any use for IDEAS 2'
I-yes providing
That's all right" she assured him.
You won't be able 10 find any flaws
Ia mine. Tits sort Of idea that
ought TO be worth thousands
But that Is quite the commonest
sort OF idea, he murmured. uneasily.
Il perceive" said she. that your
business has made you a profound
cynic All her important words were
pronounced with a capital letter
"A cynic is never profound retort-
Ell Billy Bosworth
II want a cynic she remarked, with
a brilliant smile. entirely disregarding
his trenchant procurement Now
! am going TO trust you. you know.
ain going to tell you about my idea
and then arrange with you as 10 our go.
ing into partnership or something Or
tina YOU pay me royalty or a percent
age OF whatever II is. wouldn't dc
il of course. but am so fearsomely
poverty stricken. and | do so want a
motor
quite naturally"
81 have already bought The most per.
fec costume and-and-really-a veil
tina
You will pardon me madam. said
Billy bat il you would kindly let me
! know
"Cf course She beamed upon him
I painting delicateiy Last night | wa
dining with Lady Helen Twyford. You
don't know her? What a privilege
And ! was taken down by an under
takers mute named Harold Farsyde.
Il gather"
ION Mr. Boswell. please don't gath
er Whenever Josie-my husband. BIZ
the way. begins TO gather. know al
once that he is going to be form-. and
unpleasant OF something and men are
all exactly alike aren't they just a.
policemen and butlers are. Well. as
was saying. Mr Farsyde IL quite i'm
\ possible. whereas"
eut you should remember. my dear
madam -
on. no! Whereas young Dlcky
Garden is altogether charming
! I'm AFRAID | haven't the pleasure
The Jasper weekly courier. [volume] (Jasper, Ind.) 1858-1922, 1905-08-18

Sault St. Mare. M.ch, Aug l4th. nj
G. l.. Sm..h. painter ana decorator
whose home j. 90 yr Anne street. this
city makes the following statement
was Isl gp with some KIND Of
pans Some saia < w1s Lumbago. Others
5, lbca, and others AGAIN Rheumatism.
A lew OF my friend. Suggested that i vas
lead poison, bar Whatever DC vas . gave
me a great deal Of pam, Ia fact, almost
completely crippled ME. had to use two
canes TO walk about and even then Il was
4 very painful task
a friend advised me 10 try Dodd' :
Kidney Pills. and ! hegan the treatment.
After / had used the iirst ooA / was able
o. throw swav one q the canes and was
considerably improved The second box
Strengthened me up % that / could &c
about free from pam without any assist
ance. and very soon after | was complete
~ cured we'll and happy without pair
or an ache Dodd's r idney Pills seemed
fo 90 right 10 the snYt IN nav case. anC
they will ALWAYS have my greatest praise.
The Jasper weekly courier. [volume] (Jasper, Ind.) 1858-1922, 1905-08-18
Farmers Are the Sufferers.

The agricultural department is load
ed up with Incompetence Secretary
Wilson now admits that the June re.
port OF tobacco crop was badly astray
II estimated the acreage increased by
20 per cent. whereas the facts show
that il was decreased by about that
proportion II did not need dishonesty
10 make these errors. the clerks did
their sums wrong. that was all. such
as making the product OF 263x100
come out 263 900. An accumulation OF
such mistakes make a vast difference
IN the total The unfortunate farmers
and tobacco growers who contracted
10 sell their crop at a low price on
the strength Of the government esti.
mates. must take courage for Secre.
tary Wilson says IL will not occur
again perhaps not. but Secretary vii.
son is such a jolly optimist that IL is
hardly safe TO trust him. Perhaps a
congressional investigation may go to
the bottom Of the careless system that
prevails in the department. but 70.
publican congressional investigations
are noted for withdrawing.
1T would be crime for con.
gross TO touch the tariff at this time"
is the declaration OF Senator Dick. OF
Ohio. without doubt IL will be an.
other crime in Senator Dicks eyes for
congress 10 NEEDLE with railroad rate
legislation. Senator Dick was edu.
Gated In the Hanna school Of politics
and looks upon all reforms as crimes.
especially when il interferes with lib.
eral contributions from the protected
trust or railroad barons to the Ohio
campaign fund. The old flag and an
appropriation" is the cry that appeals
TO Dick
The Wall street interests >,no
have been managing the life insurance
companies in conjunction with repub-
lican politicians seem to have been
satisfied with a rake off''-of about
Al per cert. Their rlodesty Is a won.
der to the country at large.
The tariff is the greatest draw.
back to the prosperity OF the Philip
pines" we are informed by Gen.
Leonard Wood. who has just returned
from our island possessions Yet with
this evidence and that OF Secretary
TAFT a republican congress will prob
ably refuse as ii has before to apppy
DO remedy.
The Jasper weekly courier. [volume] (Jasper, Ind.) 1858-1922, 1905-08-18
FIFTEEN YEARS OF TORTURE
Itching and Painful Sores Covered
Head and Body-CureG in
Week by Cuticura.

FOR fifteen years my scalp and fore
head was one mass oi scabs, and my BODY
was covered with sores Words cannO.
express how | suffered from the itching
and PAIN. ] tried many doctors and
treatments. bat could get no help, and
had gwen up hope when a friend told me
80 yet Cutclra After bathing with Cuti-
ment for three day, my head was as
clear a. ever. and 20 my surprise and joy.
one cake 81 soap and one box Of oint.
uent made q complete cure ia one week
lSignedl n y. Frank n, III Washington
ST.. Allsgheny Pa"
The Jasper weekly courier. [volume] (Jasper, Ind.) 1858-1922, 1905-08-18
No Indication Yet.

"And are you gong io make a musician
OF your boz asked the trend, a. re
pl.ted the professor baby on the cheek
don't know set. replied the musical
man.
Oh. no. Of course you don't. l for
gol he hasn't any hair yet. nas he
onAers Statesman
The Jasper weekly courier. [volume] (Jasper, Ind.) 1858-1922, 1905-08-18

experience | thoroughly endorse Your
remedy, and am glad of the opportuu "
for spying SO. Yours truly,
(Signcd) MARY ELIZABETH LEASE
Foster Milburn Co., Buffalo. n. u
Sold by all dealers. Price, 30 cens
per box.
The Jasper weekly courier. [volume] (Jasper, Ind.) 1858-1922, 1905-08-18
Too Old-Fashioned.

Struggling Author-lou say my
book won't do?
Publisher-No. sir It's too old-iash-
toned
Struggling Author-How oldfash-
Toned?
Publisher-Your plot IS a plot your
characters have characteristics. and
when they talk they say something r
~. Y Weekly.
The Jasper weekly courier. [volume] (Jasper, Ind.) 1858-1922, 1905-08-18

writes
Dear Sirs; A,
m "A ny of nv
friends have used
Doan's Kidney
Pulls and have
been cured of
bladder and kid
ney troubles. l
feel it my duty 10
recommend the
medicine tothose
who suffer from
sue h diseases
From personal
The Jasper weekly courier. [volume] (Jasper, Ind.) 1858-1922, 1905-08-18

Mrs. Jigeson The bull pup does not
like mother; he growls at her.
Jggson-Then I'll have the coach.
man shoot him. can't bear TO see
dumb animals suffer. Town Topics.
The Jasper weekly courier. [volume] (Jasper, Ind.) 1858-1922, 1905-08-18
AMERICAS BRIGHTEST WOMAN
diary L. Lease Feels 1t Her Duty to Recon-.
mend Deans Kidney Pills

Mary T.. Lease. formerly po,i,l.,,
leader and orator 81 Kansa,. No.
author and lecturer the only won.n
ever voted on for United States ~en,,1'
The Jasper weekly courier. [volume] (Jasper, Ind.) 1858-1922, 1905-08-18

TEL me. do you really think she will
marry me?'
We'll, | am a conahrmed pessi mis-,
Il guess she will. Town Topica
The Jasper weekly courier. [volume] (Jasper, Ind.) 1858-1922, 1905-08-18

When a man sits a. girls feet under
sree aud plays a BANJO 10 her she thinks
that h. the way they would 20 on do.
ing after they were maried and, hac
seven children
The Jasper weekly courier. [volume] (Jasper, Ind.) 1858-1922, 1905-08-18

Sincerity is the one secret of sue
cess In the search for God.--Ram's
Horn.
The Jasper weekly courier. [volume] (Jasper, Ind.) 1858-1922, 1905-08-18

A four-year-old Brooklyn child was
watching the cook Smelling peas She
was noticed 10 be deeply interested IN
the process. Finally she looked up
all OF sudden and said naiyely "Oh.
let NE unbutton some OF them
The Jasper weekly courier. [volume] (Jasper, Ind.) 1858-1922, 1905-08-18
BITS BY THE BIZ 2 s.

A little girl was called upon to rec .,
her piece before an audience When
she reached the stage she stood there
without saying a word. At length she
exclaimed Papa knows it,
The Jasper weekly courier. [volume] (Jasper, Ind.) 1858-1922, 1905-08-18

: little girl called at a grocery and
asked for a quart OF vinegar % De-
PIT in gallon jug This being done
she asked for another quart 10 be pui
81 the same vessel. why didn't you
ask for half gallon in the first
place." asked the grocer Because "
answered the small shopper. its FOR
.Xo different persons"
The Jasper weekly courier. [volume] (Jasper, Ind.) 1858-1922, 1905-08-18

Mamma said -year-old Nellie.
cid like to ask your advice about
something What is Il. dear
queried her mother After get
through school. what would you advise
me to do while I'm waiting TO be mar
ried7' asked the little miss
The Jasper weekly courier. [volume] (Jasper, Ind.) 1858-1922, 1905-08-18

=" 81 Each should examine Gods
Word for himself-Act 17.11
v % To destroy Gods Word is too
gigantic work for human hands
Pet | %.
v "a. IL is worth much in Gods
sight, If we lament the woe we cannot
avert. Eek ga
\ 20. Christ Himself is the hiding.
place for all His loving ones Pc.
1920
v 81. one may become so hardened
in sin that there Is no possibility Of
recovery John 5.1G
Y. 81 The sinner hands down 10
his children terrible legacy. --Ex.
eos