New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1905-10-22
THE TALK OF THE DAY.

a Lexington, No, advertises the following
fair exchange in Tho Times" of that place:
"A Fair Exchange. Etc.-Brother. If thou wilt
return the three hens thou didst take from my
hen roost last Friday night I will return to thee
tho formidable instrument with which thou didst
break down the double door leading to the hem
roost JOHN R JORDAN"
TO FAT PIG.
When peruse that tranquil countenanoe,
When behold you lying IN I'll. the deep deep
And smiling in your sleep:
When I compare the lives that men endure,
The hard hours treading on snen 1sheFs hee
Unbroken, save for meals;
Stirred to the limits OF mine injured pride
. BY your Outrageous otum nc cum me- dig; Era
Larn ye TO be a pig!
o Hog, fat. insufferable Hog.
The very barndoor hen must nus h ply leg dos
Has to sit up and beg.
Judged by your SNUG complacency, you seem
To think yourself strangely favored beast
But is there not shadow on the dream,
A spectre at the feast?
You never move. For your voracious need
Mysterious broths are brought you from atar;
Strange meSses coax you II you're on your feed
(NOt that you ever areD;
The great trough yawns beneath your very o snout
You eat you sleep upon tne se ehoSIt Spot
They'd rather you did not
o Hog, so unsuspecting and fat
From Mans great Kindness? If you swallow that,
You'd swallow anything.
Oft have noticed lowering round the sty
A gross. red man, Who with an owners eye,
Approves your bullying charms
DaaTkly he prods you with his oaken STAFF
Gloating; and laughs grim. carnivorous laugh.
While you sleep on and smile.
o Hos. so fat so green did you awake
To the ferocious menace of those eyes.
You would sleep less, methnks. but you would take
q K. in BlacIswood's Magazine.
The ancient parish clerk in England had many
functions. Letters were not common in those
days as to-day and the clerk was the learned man
of the community One OF his functions was writ
ing epitaphs. but this not the OF his
accomplishments may be from the adver-
tsement of John Hopkins. clerk Salisbury In tho
eighteenth century:
John Hopkins. parish clerk and undertaken
sells epitaphs of all and prices Slaves neat
and plays the bassoon. Teeth drawn. and The
Salisbury Journal read gratis every Sunday morn
Ing at 8. school for psalmody every Thursday
evening when son. born blind. will play on the
hdde Specimen epitaph on my wife:
s H n0% ss sa ss nH n d mqSh oa to my ease
Great variety to be within. Your humble
servant. John Hopkins
t eTer return? asked he 9rgnator of silly ques
the literary party.-(Chicago News
What the Melbourne (Austran) papers call a
Gilberuan situation was recently created in that
city by the telephone girls of the central exchange
They suspended all telephone work in the busiest
hour OF the day In order to have themselves photo
Graphed in group They allowed five min
utes for the purpose by the head of the depart
ment. but the operation lasted for nearly half an
hour, during which numerous fussy subscribers
were ringing up in vain. The Metropolitan Fire
Brigade failing 10 get any response, dashed at fun
speed to the exchange. and retired disguised on
learning the true state OF affairs. The Melbourne
papers are flooded with letters calling for the
abolition OF the lady telephonist. board is In
curing into the incident.
A fine specimen of the Taurus hibernicus mads
It's appearance IN the Sow Street police court yes
terday. You ducked your head" said the magis-
trate to Patrick Lane who charged Joseph Kava-
naGh With shooting nj him in the Strand. Faith
and did, your worship. It's better to be q coward
FOR five minutes than TO Ledead all your lifetime"
-(TAndon GIoba-.