davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Lamar register., 1905-08-16
High Living Centuries Ago

blood, and l signed for a third plat
terful' And he didn't pass the en-
trees; minced chicken livers in paste
balls, goose breasts in batter. cocks
combs on lettuce. leek parboiled and
fried in oil. dish of quails served
with figs. 1t is pleasant to know that
'the goose breasts and the cocks
combs were the best" He knew
something of dietetics, for he ended
with gigantic salad, remembering
that green meat is as efficacious for
whitening the skin as are blood meats
for rendering supple the sinews." A
couple of hours later he sat down
with keen appetite to "a boiled owl
farced with asafetida, roasted wild
boar with sweet sauce and pine ker
nels, a bears hams and baked por
pentine."
The medieval exquisite was
dressed richly. He says he was not
unnotable in a knitted habit like n
skin of nacre-colored silk embroidered
with flight of silver herons." When
he pulled a pages ear he consoled the
boy with tip of three silver ouches
shaped like herons." which he tore
from his coat. The author of the
story says that this is the way TO
write history. describing the actual life
of former day so as to present 1t
strikingly to the reader.
The Lamar register., 1905-08-16

The following story is told OF Col:
Asa Barron. whom old-time patrons OF
the Crawford house will remember as
the proprietor of this famous resort
in the White mountains.
fenry Ward Beecher, while on one
of his pleasure trips, found himself at
the Crawford house one Sunday morn
ing in July. The colonel, meeting his
guest on the veranda. proposed a
walk, to which Mr.. Beecher agreed;
Col. Barron inquired if Mr.. Beecher
would not like to see his hogs, OF
which he was very proud. Mr.. Beech
er. who was very fond OF livestock
said he would be delighted, and they
turned aside toward the pens: AS
these were much higher than ordinary
Col. Barron called one oil MS men 10
drive out the hogs for his guest 10
see.
The driving commenced. and with
many inpatient grunts at TINS ui,
wonted disturbance the drove was a, a,
last brought to view. except one oiu
boar. Hearing his frantic rushcs and
The Lamar register., 1905-08-16
A South African Kingdom

In Barotesland Col. Harding one day
delivered to a native chief message
which King Lewanika had talked into
a phonograph. The chief "gazed blank
ly, wildly, from side to side. looking
this way and that, and finally. in spite
of rheumatic difficulties. rose to his
feet, and stumbling to the table. gazed
long and hard down the mouth OF the
trumpet, with the evident lively hope
of seeing there his masters head. Not
finding it, he turned away dazed, and
said: How can iron speak? How
can it know my language? Then he
added, with the air of one who has
solved all difficulties: This is witch
craft"
Royal blood in Barotesland has to
be accompanied by merit if it amounts
to anything. Says Col. Harding: ITO
be a prince in Barotse in no way as
sures a high social standing until the
same is won by some good work for
the state, or by high character for
sobriety, or marked talent OF some
kind"
The Lamar register., 1905-08-16
Among the Forlorn Hope

They. give you n good send-off ere you
touch the shadow land.
I'm blue moulded for batin', faith I'm
rusty for fight:
Sure hoarse grunting Of the cannon Is
me bloomin' hearts delight;
/ always roamor and from Bubbly
Creek I came;
My soul exults In lighting and wars a
glorious game.
There's nothing here but swamps and
mud and rattlesnakes and trees.
And jungles filed with renegades that
nick YOU on with ease;
oh for a Whit of Bubbly Creek, where
first I saw the light:
The rearing of old Halsted and the stock
yards bunch at night!
WHAT'S the good Of always roaming with
the hunger In your soul.
And uuesting like a swaTthy gypsy as
YOU sashay to your goal;
What's the use of always wheeling. like
swallow the wing.
And trailing like a supple hound upon the
track of spring.
Goose Island breeds no towards; We have
got to do die.
War is hell. with all the lid off: how
those sneaking cutthroats fly.
As exiles from our native land. cast on
this sultry shore.
We've got to chase those renegades ana
trim them as OF yore.
JAMES F. KISSELLA.
Registry Division Chicago Postohice-
The Lamar register., 1905-08-16
WANTED LEARNING BY PROXY
Society Woman's Good Scheme te
keep Her End Up."


A woman who goes n good deal into
society recently called at a registry
office which she sometimes patronizes
and made known her wants.
Can you secure for me an intelli-
gent, well bred young woman as a
reader?" she asked.
The proprietor looked dubious.
"Do you wish her to live in the
house. madam" he inquired.
NO. indeed" said the patroness. 81
want her to come to me at stated
hours
will the duties be anything besides
reading to you. madam" next queried
the proprietor.
Reading to me-" said the woman.
II don't want her to read to me. |
want her to read for me-
The man looked puzzled and the
woman explained.
You see," she said, 81 am not fond
of reading. In fact, | never can read n
book through, no matter how interest
ing it is. But | find that the people
with whom l mix in society are all
well posted on the new books and on
current happenings about which they
have read. | will not read myself. but
If | can get the right kind OF young
woman to read what ought to know
about. and after she has digested it
give me the eist of what she has
learned, can manage, think. to keep
abreast of the rest of my set. And
she added as an afterthought, Il am
willing to pay her well for it. t.'-Brook'
lyn Eagle.
The Lamar register., 1905-08-16
s Summer Afternoon Reading !


Fell victim to the shears.
ITO guard its fame through storm and
You vowed in valiant tones:
Then where's that honored flag to-day,
Chevalier John Paul Jones?
Paul Jones:
"Ah Mistress Mary VOWS more deep
Were those. 1 made when your flag dis
Its stats in a giaddened sky.
Twas "A gaudy strip on a, pirate ship
Twas the vaunt OF a lawlesS sword.
But 1t rose. the sign Of a free-bor line
When the Gallic salvo roared.
Twas "A Haunting brag of a Rebel
rag,
But it waved our steel to conquered
keel
In the wash of the Irish seas.
In the paiiid light OF a dreadful night
| saw its cluster shine
Der the grimmest grip OF ship and ship
1T gloried wide in shot rent pride
Above our mizzen-truck;
our boardcrs swarmed the spliEtered
side.
The beaten foe had struck.
But my brave old ship was shattered
hulk:
Her shot holes gaping wide.
She lay. rolling, helpless bulk
That drank the bubbling tide.
yet still the starry Jiadem
Was bright above the wreck.
And could I take their flag from them
My dead upon her deck?
Down by the head to oceans bed
She plunged beneath the swell:
And last of all. a silken pail
Her banner waved farewell
MY deathless dead left to her.
That would not know defeat
My gallant ship thei. sepulchre.
Your flag their winding Sheet
Mary LangdOn:
Twas nobly done! Twas but their
due.
For who but those should claim
That riddled fiag-thc fearless crew
That died TO give IL fame?
$50 may it float. though none may mark.
Beneath the Northern Sea-
Above the unforEotten bark
That sank in victory"
Arthur Guiterman in New York Times.
The Lamar register., 1905-08-16
Franks Played by Neptune

| An appearance of new island in
the japanese seas calls to mind other
rapid risings of land in the ocean.
An island suddenly came to light on
the coast of Sicily, remained two
months and as quickly disappeared.
Sabrina, near the Azores. retired
from public life before it was fairly
charted. The Gulf of Mexico has wit
messed the advent and subsistence OF
small islands. These upheavals or the
bed of the ocean suggest all sorts OF
mysteries connected with the un-
known depths. An uncanny experience
Is related.
| Our ship was out twenty-three days
from Manila to the Sandwich islands.
1t was a silent. dead-black night. The
| lead showed deep sea. Suddenly we
felt as if we were grounded. The
| mate suggested a sunken wreck, but
the skipper stuck to the theory OF
earthquake. Subsequent events showed
he was right
Daybreak revealed low and misty
sky. We lay as If becalmed in the
midst of an oily sea, strangely dis
colored in patches. Suddenly the
water trembled, I can use no other
word. The ship rolled and in the dis
| tance rose a huge. balloon-shaped
mass of vapor, steam or smoke. There
was not the slightest sound. but a
long line of chating water stretched
across the streaky calm. Then the
vapor settled over all and we could
hear. but not see, the seething and
The Lamar register., 1905-08-16

Kirg Lewanika of Barotseland. in
South Africa. made voyage to Eng
land few years ago in the company
OF Col. Harding, the British govern
ment agent He was much puzzled by
the voyage. How can we travel by
night" asked the king on one oc-
casion. There are no lights to steer
by, and no land to keep in sight of.
Again he asked: What are those
things above my head?' pointing to
the life-belts in his cabin. When it
was explained that the pople put these
things on when shipwrecked and they
wished TO win to land. he replied:
Where is he land to swim toy The
king got seasick Col. Harding says:
Once when there was more tossing
than usual !. too, felt queer and told
the chief. lie was delighted and said:
We'll. if you are i'll on your own river
you can't laugh at me-. On my river
(meaning the ZambesD you never feel
headache. and your stomach does not
move up and down, so used you bet
ter than You use me-"
The Lamar register., 1905-08-16
FLATTERED THE GOOD MAN.
Scotch Woman Surely Knew Value o
Soft Answer

A Scotch divine. who was a bache
lor and whose manse was in the keep
ing of an old housekeeper called
Janet, was constantly annoyed by the
fact that the good dame always fell
fast asleep as soon as he entered the
pulpit. whereas she kept wide awake
whenever a stranger WAS the preach
err
One day he summoned his courage
to the sticking point and tackled the
old lady on the subject. Janet" said
he, we ken when l preach you're
almost always fast asleep before I've
we'll given out my text; but when
any of these young men from St An.
drew's preach for me. see you never
sleep a wink. Now. that's what l cal,
no using me as you should do"
"Hoots, SIR" was the reply, 'is tina.
a? I'll soon tell ye the reason OF
that When you preach. we a ken
the Word OF God is safe in your
hands, but when thae young 'birkies
TAX it in hand-ma certie! but it tak's
us a to look after them.-Glasgop
! Evening Time
The Lamar register., 1905-08-16

mouth open looking up at Lem when
the catastrofee happened. Lem also
upset the paint in the struggle, some
| of 1t falling on Mrs. Rufe Green, who
| come out In her bare head and got 1t
| all MKT up in her hair and she hasn't
got 1t out yet. Lem also bit off the
stem of his pipe which fell striking
Sikc Peters and some of the sparks
went down Skies neck and burnt his
back and Sike thought he was afire
and began to undress and would of
disgraced hisself then and there II Cy
Hoskins hadn't called his attenshion
to the fact that they was ladies' pres
ent and that If he desired to disrobe
to retire back of the horse sheds,
which Sike done.
Where was Lem all this time you
ask.
Lem was still hangin onto the stee-
pie for dear life and hOllering "Help!"
at the top of his lungs. But where
was they any help to be found? Help
was scarce. What could person do
to help Lem and him hangin in mid
air as you might say 40 IT. from the
ground?
Rev. Moore. our beloved pastor. hol-
Tered up to Lem to try lifting his
voice in prayer. What Lem replied to
our pastor is not fit to appear in print,
so we wisely expurgate 1t. Everybody
present was awful shocked at the hor-
rible profanity wich flowed from
LENS lips to the pastor and Lem be-
ing on the threshold of deth as you
might say. and also a church member
hisself in addishion.
While people was ringing their
hands in despair and wondering what
to do, Seth Dewberry, our lion-hearted
town constubble. slept forward and
raised his hand and said, Wait, men.
l will save him!"
Seth then clim up into the belfry
and detached the rope from the bell.
and then crawled out into the pick
of the roof and coiled the rope up in
his hand, and told Lem he was going
to throw ii up to him and for him to
ketch it.
You must think be durn fool"
hollers Lem. IF let loose my holts
to ketch that rope. I'll fall and brake
my dad-blamed neck!"
But Setn tOlu Lem ne tnOuSnt ne
could spare one hand to grab it, and
Lem said he would try, and Seth
throwed up the rope and it fell be-
tween Lem and the steeple. and Lem
then wound the end of 1t around the
top of the steeple and tied it fast and
then he slid down the rope to safety.
and him and Seth both come down to
the ground. and everybody slept for
ward and shuk hands with Lem, and
told him they never expedited to see
him alive again.
The bell rope still remains tied to
the church steeple. and will probably
remain there till ii rots. and how the
pastor is going to ring the bell for
services is a mystery. Cy Hoskins'
ladder was broke in two by the fall.
| and Cy says If the Ladies' Aid don't
pay for 1t he'll bring suit against the
church for damages. The Ladies' Aid
says they will never pay for the lad
der. and that If Lem Brown don't
come to time and pay for the paint
he split he'll git hisself into trouble.
Lem says they can whistle for their
paint far as he is concerned. because
he's agoing to take his name off the
church list. for If he hadn't of been a
church member he wouldn't of got
into sich mess and come within a
hairs breadth of being killed in
stantly-"Bingville Bugle" Items in
the Boston Post.
The Lamar register., 1905-08-16
TEXT NOT WELL UNDERSTOOD.
Curious Mistakes Made in Rendering
Familiar Terms.

Children and uncultivated persons
make curious mistakes in their rem
dering of the text of hymns. biblical
verses, blessings and the like.
In Manayunk Sunday school there
used TO be little girl who would not
say Star of the East, the horizon
adorning." as she should have done,
hut Star of the East, the arise in the
morning"
A boy always went wrong on Be
fore the hills of Zion yield their many
sacred sweets" His version was Be
fore the hills of lions yell how many
secrets sweet.
Another boy sang "Beulah Land
spiritedly. but with no idea of the
HYMNS meaning. Every Sunday for
five years he shouted:
.Oh. view the land.
Sweet view the land.
AS on the histe | mount and stand.
There shines adm one kiss day
Where all my heart has passaway.
One of the neatest OF these errors
was made the other day by an old
l;arayunk woman. Her son had gone
The Lamar register., 1905-08-16

DO you want to live forever" yelled
Jack Kelly in command.
You can die but once. my hearties, Tor
your own dear native land;
Do YOU want to live forever, skulk rs
craVens to the rear
When you hear the MauserS coughing
and the Filipinos cheer?
We don't want to live forever" bawled
a lad from County Pike.
when We sashay on the Spaniards You
can see the greasers hike:
We are creeping through the jungle ana
marching DER the plain.
And foundeTing through morass drenched
in hot pelting rain.
What's the matter with old Halsted.
where they butcher all the steers
We can the greasers' finish sprawiing
down the hungry years;
They are crouching in the trenches ana
crawling through the grass.
As treacherous rattlesnake- they
wriggle through the pass.
"I.'s tough TO die In foreign lands" said
Clancy, with sigh.
''Fa. from Your lassie's roseleaf face. her
soft and tender eye.
To be shot down in the trenches by some
lurking hound of Spain.
To be chucksd into muddy hole and an
chored in the rain.
ITO die al home is nice. and snug among
the friends you know
You take the plunge into the dark. blithe
as a bird you go.
Your friends all rally round your bed and
grasp YOU by the hand.
The Lamar register., 1905-08-16
Looking Out for Little Things.

You will learn to look out for the
little leaks if you continue in our en-
ploy." said the head OF a great COM
mercial house as he paused at the
new bookkeeper's desk. He bent a
little nearer the page of the ledger.
Hem, | see you dot your u.s." he
said. We discouraged that antique
custom several years ago. 1t takes
time and time is a great desideratum
in this firm. And. Mr.. Peckham!"
Yes. sir
''If you will drop into my private
room after you are through with your
duties this afternoon I will give you
a copy of a little pamphlet We issued
last summer, showing just how much
ink. as well as time. can be saved by
substituting commas for semicolons
Don't forget. Plain Deal
er,
The Lamar register., 1905-08-16

pouring waters all about us. The
captain ordered bucketful to be
drawn up. 1t was hot and smelled
like gas works.
"H'm," remarked the old skipper
as he shifted it. They're poking up
new continent. l wish we were out OF
it."
The air grew more oppressive every
moment. The vessel gave a gentle
side roll and word was passed that we
we're aground. Over went the lead
and came up covered with blue, oozy
mud. We were wallowing in sludge.
the darkness was pall-like and the
atmosphere suffocatingly close. Then
the air was rent with reports, awful
to hear in that blackness. There were
three of the deafening, roaring blasts
and all was again still.
When the light came, red and un-
natural, strange sight met our eyes.
1t was as II the bottom of the Pacific
was laid bare We were helpless In
sea of thick mud. The sulphur
fumes were choking and we had to
take refuge below. Hour after hour
we gasped, facing the probability OF
death by suffocation. Suddenly we
felt that we were afioat. Whatever
the bank of mud that held us. 1t had
disappeared, and after time we made
our way out of the grewsome spot.
When we reached Honolulu the
crew deserted. There's no luck in a
ship that has seen the bottom of the
sea-" they said.-Pall Mall Maga
zine0
The Lamar register., 1905-08-16
Simple Test for Pure Air.

DR.. A. T. Schofield. in his new book.
NERVES in Order, or The Maintenance
of Health" gives the following simple
test of indoor air which any one can
easily make:
Put one tablespoonful OF clear lime
water into half pint bottle that has
previously been brought into the room
full of water, and emptied there so as
to be filled with the actual air to be
tested. If the bottle be then corked
and the tablespoonful of lime water
shaken up and down. it will get cloudy
with chalk if the air be unfit to
breathe. whereas it will remain clear
il it Is fairly pure"
The Lamar register., 1905-08-16
DeIayer.

He was a laggard at wooing and the
dear girl had quite lost her patience.
One evening he said in casual
way. I'm firm believer in the old
proverb, Marry in haste and repent
at leisure"
wearily.
But. of course" she said, that
couldn't really interest you
And why not?" he asked.
Because you wouldn't have any
time left to repent in"
He thought this over for some time
and finally saw the point. When he
left an hour later .-ey were engaged
Cleveland Plain Dealer.
The Lamar register., 1905-08-16
The Repeater.

In discussing at a dinner the voting
fraud of Philadelphia, ]. G. Gordon.
the Mayors counsel, told a story of
n repeater.
He was an ignorant chap, this
repeater" said Judge Gordon. He
had the stolid and unmoved look of
an animal.
When they arrested him he asked
what crime lay at his door.
You are charged said the police
mar. with having voted twice.
Charged. am I?' muttered the pris-
oner. That's odd. l expected 20 be
paid for 1t.
The Lamar register., 1905-08-16
tuberculosis a "House Disease"

The most striking feature about
tuberculosis is, that it depends almost
entirely upon the house. The house
is the granary of the tubercle bacillus
outside the host. Were it not for the
house, the tubercle bacillus would
soon have to perish from the face of
the earth. 1t could not be preserved.
Sunlight, air and water are its natural
enemies. The water dissolves 1t out
of its cache. and the sunlight and air
destroy it-Flick.
The Lamar register., 1905-08-16
Pleasant Prescriptions.


One word. you hypochondriac:
Let nature heal your woes
II you are blue. respondent,
Just call on DIR. Rose.
with thorns. mayhap. he'll lance you,
But, then, to heal the smart.
He'll charm YOU with his beauty.
And sweetness rare impart.
II appetite is tagging.
Just call on DIR. Green.
He'll take you through the meadows
Where beauties rare are seen.
He'll give the green-l leaf tonic
And spices from the wood:
One treatment will convince you
His medicine is good.
Aayhap ennui afiiicts you;
Go, call on DIR. Lark:
you'll find him in the meadows)
And to his music bark.
He'll tell you of the woodland.
Breathe secrets OF the hills.
And listening TO his sweetest notes
VIII Danish all your ills.
Therefore I am repeating:
Let Nature cure your woes.
There's healing in the meadows;
There's health hid in the rose.
Go revel in the gladncss
That's rampant in the hills,
And flowers, and birds. and beauty
VIII rob you OF your ills.
The Lamar register., 1905-08-16

of and gotten married just as he was
beginning to bring in a little money,
and the old woman said of his deser-
tion to the minister:
well. it was what I expected:
You know. sir. what the Good Book
says-'Train up child, and away a
do go"
The Lamar register., 1905-08-16
Drink and Crime,

A leading London magistrate recent.
ly said: Once you get rid of drunk
ennessS. you might almost close the
police courts. 1t is surprising how, on
analysis. drink is found at the bottom
of most of the offenses that come be-
fore a metropolitan magistrate"
The Lamar register., 1905-08-16
carneaie on Happiness.

When asked his opinion as to the
secret OF happiness. Mr.. Carnegie, the
Scotch-American millionaire. replied:
"A good conscience and a good diges'
ton; and poverty is favorable to
9TH"
The Lamar register., 1905-08-16
Condensed MIX Bad for Babies.

In holding. an inquest at LAMBETH
England, on the body of three
weeks old infant that had died from
exhaustion through inability to digest
condensed milk, the coroner said that
he thought it would be good thing il
each of the jurymen would tell three
of their friends that condensed milk
is a bad thing for babies. and ask
them to pass it on in like manner. We
contribute our share toward the DIFF
fusion OF information.
The Lamar register., 1905-08-16
Gold From Nome.

The steamship Zealandia arrived at
Seattle from Nome on July s. bring
ing sl.5OO.OOO in gold dust-None's s
record shipment.