Aberdeen herald. [volume] (Aberdeen, Chehalis County, W.T.) 1886-1917, 1905-09-28
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The Old Story-"But, papa, he says
he can't live without me-" Give us a
new one; l told that same story to
your MOTHER
The Automobile Frght.-Sidney-
Why don't you talk as we ride? Rod
ncy-Well. l can't think with my
bair standing on end.
No Escape.-Bell Boy Outside Of
room 55)-Say, the gas is escaping in
there. Countryman inside of room
55,-No, it amt; locked the door.
A Vacuum.-A pupil in Lynn
(Mass.) school was asked by his teacher
to give the definition of a vacuum
II can't just describe It," said he but
have 1t in my head"
Wanted a Circus-The Child-Are
you the trained nurse mamma said
WAS coming? The Nurseries. dear;
I'm the trained nurse. The Child-Let's
see some Of your tricks.
Those Foreigners-D after
careful eNamination)-Some foreign
nis-Oi knowed ut. Thot's what .,
git f'r wurrukin' wild them Dagoes.
She Whistles.-An Irishman asked
Il Scotchman one day why IA railway
engine was called she" Sandy re-
piled: perhaps it's on account of the
horrible noise it makes when it tries
to whistle"
There She Blows,-On the voyage
a school of whales was sighted, and
the millionaire plumber rubbed bis
hands in ecstasy ''"ny is he SO
happy?" asked passenger. Because"
whispered the captain, "he imagines
each spout is bursted waterpipe, to
be repaired at regular rates"
What He Hurt-A well-known
judge fell down fight of stairs, re-
cording his passage by a bump on
{ cry step until he reached the bot.
tom A servant ran to his assistance,
and, raising him up said: II hope
your honor is not hurt:" NO" said
the judge, sternly, my honor is no:
hurt, but my head is
Not wondcrful.-He pointed out to a
Eewly arrived Paddy the grandeur of
the Niagara, with the words. There,
now. Isn't it wonderful?" "Wonther
ful" replied Pat; "whats wontherful?'
why, to see all that water come
! laundering over those rocks "Oi
can't see anything wontherful in that
what Is there to hinder it from COM
irc over?"
Goals to Newcastle. -Wife-What is
meant. John, by the phrase, carrying
Goals to Newcastlc?' Husband-It is
metaphor, my dear. showing the do
ing of something that is unnecessary.
Wife, don't exactly understand. Give
me an illustration-a familiar one
IIusband-Well. if l were to bring you
home a book entitled, How to Talk.
that would be carrying Goals to New
castle.
The Way out Of It.-When preaching
| fer a public charity. a note was hand
ed up to the clergyman. asking If ii
would be right for bankrupt to con-
| tribute. Having answered that such
contribution would be robbery, the
| speaker added: And. my BRETHREN
would most strongly advise you who
are not insovent. to contribute this
r,olning, since if you are seen to pass
the plate. your neighbors will be sure
to say, That's he. That's the bank
rnpt""
lie Surprising you wait
here in this comfortable seat by the
elevator while match these two sam
pies of ribbon" said Mrs. Mayfair
sweetly to her husband, who had been
cntrapped into going shopping with
her. When she came back she said
ccntritely: Have | kept you waiting
an unpardonably long time, you poor
dear?" "Oh. ! haven't minded it"
he said. cheerfully. II Just jumped on
Il car and ran out to the league grounds
and saw most Of the ball game. and
then ! took little spin in the park
with Dorton in his new auto. Did
YOU match the samples" Zone OF
them. It's so provoking. I'll have to
come in again tomorrow, for they are
closing the store now