Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1905-06-23


Friends the duke K. @. B.? Fa. |
ther-in-law-Dunno; 1 found him @. |
O. D.-New York Mail.
She-Look, dear! Papa's check will
pay for our wedding trip. The Duke
But what are we going to do after
ward?-Life.
"She told me she was unmarried,
and now I find that she is divorcee."
We'll. isn't divorcee unmarriedT'-l
Houston Post.
did he ever figure in the divorce
court?" mo; his lawyers did all that
for him. He simply paid the bills
Yonkers Herald
She-No, 1 can never marry you.
All our family is opposed to you. He
But If you are not She-I said
all our family-Ex.
She-How do you like my new
coat? The Friend-Do you want an
honest opinion? She-Of course not.
!-Fliegende Blaetter.
Mr.. Bjones-How wonderfully Mrs.
Robinson carries her age Mrs.
Bsmith (sweetly) - Yes, considering
how much there is Of it.--Ex.
1.-THE equator" wrote an English
schoolboy in his examination paper,
"is menagerie lion running round
the center of the earth. ."-Ex.
"You don't agree then that seeing is
belieying" mot much! see some
people every day that l never could
believe" Philadelphia Ledger.
lementine-Arabella, would you
run after a man? Arabella-Yes,
would; If mans worth having he is
worth running after.-Brooklyn Life.
The Woman Cooking at a hideous
specimen)-Oh, what dreadful crea-
ture? The Man with infinite relief
Can you see it, too?-Harper's Week
ly.
Pompous Waiter-Have you order
ed, miss? Timid Little Girl taking
her first meal at restaurant)-N-no,
sir; but I've requested.-Chicago Trib-
une.
| "Can a man marry comfortably on
five hundred dollars a yearT' "Oh,
yes. But he can't stay married COM
/ fortably on any such sum" ."-Cleve-
land Leader.
Shmson-Willie, they tell me you
have the reputation of being the worst
boy in school, Willie-Yes, father, and
I can tell you I didn't get it without
a struggle.-Life.
i Grocer-What is it, little girl? Little
Girl-Mamma sent me for lamp
chimney, and she says she hopes 1t
will be as strong as that last butter
you sent -Me-Up.
II Mamma-Here's the man for that
clock to be repaired. Get it for him
Tommy-Where is it? Mamma-Up.
stairs, Of course. Tommy-Oh!
thought 1t had run down.-Ex.
] Wigwag-Why do you insist upon
carrying your shirt home from the
laundry instead Of having it sent
tHarduppe-So that folks will know
4 that I have two.-Philadelphi Rec
, ord.
! u
thought into his work" "Yes," said
the sarcastic person; "he works ter
minutes and then thinks about it fol
an hour and quarter. Washington
Star.
. Katie-Tell me, Edith, what did yot
, say when Charley proposed? Edith
I Me? Oh, there was no occasion fol
me to say anything. Charley had sait
. all that was necessary. - Bosto1
i Transcript.
a Church -worker-Would you assis
. US, good sir, to send a missionary t.
a the cannibals? Mr.. Gotrox-Not mucf
r r-I'm a vegetarian-but I'll assist yol
+ to send them some easily digested ce
realLPuck.
/ Haven't you any ambition to worl
e as your father did at your age?" Ger
;, tafnly not" answered the gildet
n youth; "if I were to work what woult
= have been the use of fathers working
Washington Star.
1--WE can't have everything in thi
life," said the philosopher. NO" an
eWcICu 0uSlln CldA, tAO El0Cdl IL
Impossible combination is a million
n aire menu with a deck-hand appetite.
n Washington Star.
9I reckon Bill must have been Gu
out for one o. these geniuses tha
a writes for the magazines" said tn
. old Georgia farmer, "because he can
: make cash enough to have his hal
. cut, and would ruther watch a sta
: than dig a wellr'-Atlanta Constitu
: tion.
\ Suppose" said he, feeling his way
: l'your father should ask me what m
!. expectations are in-er-this diret
= ton. What shall say?'' Speak th
Z TRUTH" replied the sweet girl; tie
+ him you don't w."-Philadelp
+ Ledger.
. "Ah," said Mrs. Oldcastle; IS
e you're reading Mrs. Binkleton's ne,
story? Don't you think her style
Ealmost too idiomatic?, eI hadn't n,