davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Birmingham age-herald., 1905-02-21
STATUARY HALL UPSET
 BY CREASED TROUSERS
From the Louisville Courier-Journal.

From the Louisville Courier-Journal. CENE-Statuary hall Washing
 - Who's yon man?" inquired the statue of George Washington of the
 statue of Thomas Jefferson, nodding his
 head in the direction of a new arrival in statuary hall.
 "I over heard one of the guides say
 his name is Ingalls,. He was a senator
 from Kansas, responded MT. Jefferson,
 gravely.
 Hes wearing an odd-looi1ing, wedge
 shaped affair on his legs that I do not | like" quoth General Washington, scorn- fully.
 Thomas Jefferson had not noticed the apparel of the newcomer. His attention | having been called to it, he looked. Im- agine his surprise to find Senator Ingalls, wearing not knee brooches nor ordinary fabby pants like grandpa used to wear, | but neatly creased, keen-edged. dressy trousers. Mir. Jefferson was profoundly shocked.
 They're not breeches," quoth he.
  l iel Webster, who, hearing the hum of voices among his neighbors, took a look and joined In the conversation. It was l a curious picture, this of three statues cycling querously the garments of. the Kansas senator. General Washington | became resentful.
 Ut is an invasion of our privileges to deposit in our midst, without our con- sent, so outlandsh costume" said the
 Father of the Country, with considerable feeling. With an expression of satis- faction he glanced down at his own sim ple sober knee brooches. MT. Jefferson agreed and expressed him self warmly. He added: "The present generation is entirely too fresh"-there was a general start upon hearing this | word fall from the lips of the dignified l Father of the Constitution-"and doubt I less the people who invented the odd looking things on the Senator from Kan sas are calling them Jeffersonian brooches, just as they habtually label every new political curve Jeffersonian | doctrine.'
 Mir Jefferson spoke with such vigor that he attracted the attention of Ben | jamn Franklin.
 Look at me-" said Dr. Franklin. "I | was an inventor. but invented no such | fat-iron clothing as that | Now the discussion was attracting wide | attention, and voices were becoming so loud that General Washington and | Thomas Jefferson regretted greatly that 1 they had brought up the subject of creased trousers. although not abating
 one jot their indignation over the introduc- | tion of such articles into S.atuary hall Father Marquette. in somber, priestly garb made one of the most earnest and passionate speeches of the day, calling at- | tention to the degeneracy of the world and saying that there were no things like 1 Senator Ingalls, along the whole Missis- | sippi river when he was busy discovering l that stream. He thought the church and clergy should devote more time to lifting up the tastes and morals of
The Birmingham age-herald., 1905-02-21
Birmingham and Atlanta.

State Senator Wilson of Georgia was in Birmingham yesterday en route to Missls- sippi. where he has some business to transact He was very much impressed with the city and the business that is transacted here, He compared Birming- ham with Atlanta, where he spends a great deal of his time, especially during the meetings of the Georgia legislature. MT. Wilson said:
 Birmingham surpasses Atlanta in many ways. The city has a more busi- ness-like appearance, and I have been impressed with the thrifty manner of the business men l have seen on the streets
 ''I have seen more men who looked as if they had business to attend to in the few hours I have been in the city than one would see in Atlanta in twice that length of time
 There are also more people on the streets of Birmingham than on the streets of Atlanta, although the weather is now bad and business is dull for that reason. For the size of the city, Birmingham does twice as much business as Atlanta, and it's commerce is increasing by jumps and bounds.
 q am a firm believer in Birmingham and its future. It is the first time that I have been to the city in many years, and I was never more surprised at any thing In my life than I was at the pro- gress that is In evidence"
 MT. Wilson Is one of the leading attor- neys in southwest Georgia. and is a prominent man in the state at large. He carries much weight in the state legisla- ture, and is considered a level-headed man.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1905-02-21
Policemen in Theatres.

There is no city in the Union," said a globe-trotter last night at the Hillman, where the theatres are provided with more adequate police protection than they are in Birmingham.
 Since coming here I have had oc- casion to go frequently to the play house, and l have been struck by the great number of policemen to be found in the audience, at almost every per- formance. I notice that these uniformed men are drawn from all ranks in the force
 If you will keep your eyes open you will see almost any night in the Bir- mingham theatres police officials. ser geants, and patrolmen. l observed also that these members of the police force are often accompanied by members of the detective bureau.
 'I have been so struck by the atten- dance of these policemen at the theatres that l have wondered why it is that the department sees fit to provide such ann pie police protection for the theatres. If the rest of your city is so thoroughly policed as your play-houses are, you may well boast that Birmingham is the best policed city in the world"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1905-02-21
MEMORY,
By Walter Savage Landor.

By Walter Savage Landor. The mother of the Muses, we ara
 taught, Is Memory; she has left me; they re-
 main,
 And shake my shoulder. urging me to
 sing About the summer days, my loves of
 old.
 Alas! alas!' is all can reply. Memory has left with me that name
 alone.
 Harmonious name which other bards
 may sing. But her bright image in my darkest
 hour
 Comes back, in vain comes back, called
 or uncalled. Forgotten are the names of visitors Ready to press my hand but yesterday; Forgotten are the names of earlier
 friends
 Whose genial converse and glad coun-
 tenance Are fresh as ever to my ear and eye; To these. when I have written and
 besought Remembrance of me, the word Dear"
 alone
 Hangs on the upper verge and waits
 in vain. A blessing vert thou. O Oblivion If thy stream carried only weeds away But vernal and autumnal flowers alike It hurries down to wither on the strand
The Birmingham age-herald., 1905-02-21
IN MILWAUKEE.
Iew York World.

From the New York World
 Milwaukee has nine breweries repre- sentng an investment of $43. .0O00O0, and more than 2OOO saloons, but there are fewer arrests for drunkenness than made in Boston.
 Owl cars are just being introduced.
 The score or more of singing and mu- sical societies give free concerts in pub lie parks.
 Street signs are unknown.
 There is a Sunday closing law but it's dead letter. Saloons run all night and without restrictions.
 Chicago crooks give Milwaukee the go- by. The police here are too efficient for them.
 Every other man you meet on the street owns mining stock. Most of it is worthless.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1905-02-21
WHAT GLASGOW OWNS.

From the New York Evening Sun.
 The city of Glasgow, Scotland, owns a public library of 16O0oO volumes, and is erecting a number of district libraries; conducts seven model lodging houses-one for women-which shelter 243O persons every night and pay 5 per cent profit: owns 27 blocks of buildings. which shelter 5000 people; public banks. including Kosher banks for Jews, and also washhouses, in which hot water is furnished at a trihing price for family laundry work; gas and electric light and power works, in which 5000 men are employed; the street railway system, which employs $500 men and car rles 17O0Oo,O00 people annually. Further more, it owns nine public markets, in- cluding one for old clothes a telephone system that pays 15 per cent on the in- vested public capital; a labor bureau and home for inebriates.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1905-02-21
OH GENTLE, ETC. The voice of spring Is calling Far over the distant hills, But plumbers are still collecting Their winters stock of bills.

The story of the young woman who was wed in Chicago and after the cere- mony was o'er-"o'er" is good-asked the judge for trading stamps, offers a
 timely suggestion. Now if rebates went with all such matrimonial affairs what rush to marry there would bel The rebate might take the form Of alimony, at the end of five years for that party of the contract" who was the more badly fooled, or it might be a formal permit conferring on the groom so many nights off in the week, and to the bride so many hats in twelvemonth. In fact, it might take an infinite variety of forms,
The Birmingham age-herald., 1905-02-21
His First oHense.
the Washington Post.

FrOm the WdSiihBtoh oot'
 Senator McCreary of Kentucky was the victim yesterday of Irish wit from Yer mont republican. Dennis Flynn, who brought the electoral vote of the Green Mountain state to Washington was walk ing up the hill in company with the Ken lucky Senator. Flynn is himself very hefty. Although not exceedingly tall, he Is exceedingly broad. and the weight on the soles of his shoes is great. As the two approached the Senate entrance a gust of wind blew around the corner of the Capitof with the force of hurricane and nearly swept Senator McCreary over backwards.
 Flynn was quick to the rescue, seizing the Senator by either arm and pushing him into an upright position. Thank you. Thank you,' said Me Creary.
 Not bit of it. retorted Flynn This is thel first time in my life I ever sup ported democrat"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1905-02-21

There was interruption. Every the same time. Sneers, gibes, disdainful remarks, derisive laughter, came out in torrents. Never were such brilliant epi- grams, never was such deep wisdom heard at one time in the Capitol. John c. Calhoun, Frank Blair, George Clinton Phil Kearney and all the others joined in the mighty debate. Senator Ingalls, statue, its creased trousers rigid and un- disturbed, stood in it's place, very sorry that such an ado should be caused by what seemed a mere trihe. Higher and higher rose the chorus. Oratory swept through the atmosphere in waves and pillows. It was a veritable tempest. At last, above the din sounded the trumpet voice of Daniel Webster. He forced certain amount of silence and proceeded to deliver learned and lengthy oration. He believed with his fellows that the wedge-shaped covering of the kansan did violence to the traditions and sentiment and styles of Stauary hall. Af- ter discussing the matter in detail he
 
 adopted and that Senator Ingalls, be re- auired to wear plain pants or knee brooches. Creased trousers were repudi- ated.
 The suggestion was adopted and com mittee of five was appointed to draw up | the resolutions
 That scene may not have taken place. but It is likely to just as soon as the other statues of Statuary hall realize that Kansas has actuall.- placed there statue of Senator Ingalls,, who is rep resented as wearing creased trousers Naturally they may be a bit slow in com pretending, but when the light at last breaks, look outl
 Kansas has taken a great risk, but 1t is just like Kansas to start something.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1905-02-21
HOW TO MEND AMBER.

From the Jewellers Circular Weekly.
 To mend amber requires certain amount of care. though the process is simple one
 Apply some lnseed oil to the broken edges, and then hold the oiled parts over a gas jet. covering the rest of the amber meanwhile with a cloth. As soon as the press the edges which are to be united to- gether and hold them very carefully till cold
The Birmingham age-herald., 1905-02-21

eral, ana a reversal of that action pre- vious to the meeting of the leg,slAare is neither expected nor desi ed Let the subject rest until the legislature .eets.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1905-02-21
REFLECTIONS OF A BACHELOR

From the New York Press
 People get very tired having nothing to do.
 When woman is afraid of a man he is in great danger.
 Little girls are unhappy when they are bad, and little boys when they aren't.
 A woman is absolutely sure she makes a good wife when she can keep her hus- band in bed with a cold.
 A man looks forward to the sport ing season the way woman does to the Eastern bonnet season.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1905-02-21
COMMENTS ON MEN AND
 MATTERS OF THE WORLD

but may we be excused from matrimo. nial trading stampsl That is too bizarr, entirely
 George Bernard Shaw, according to re cent dispatches, had this to say of vii. liam Shakespeare, once a prominent cit. izen of Stratford- rd-on-Avon: Shakes. peare was born snoJ, lived a snob and died a snob. His one dream was to get enough money to get back to stratford to buy back the property of his bank rupt family and get back their coat of arms. Do not suppose that Shakes peare was a democratic character. He had no religious belief and his philoso- phy was that "evil is greater than good.'
 Now it is too bad that George Bernard Shaw does not think better of his fellow craftsman, who is now long dead and is not able to speak a word of defense save through the immortality of his plays, which will endure until G. B. s. has been forgotten for centuries. It is also too bad that so few people have heard of Candida" while Hamlet" the worlds greatest problem" play, evokes the plaudits of every new generation
 OH SAEi
 There was a young lady named Mae
 Who went to see a plae;
 They put her out, despite her bout
 Because she could not pae.
 There is danger of a rubber famine some day but the people with elastic necks show no diminution.
 That is indeed wonderful lake they are talking about away out in Wash ington. Soap lake promises to make housework easy at last, in addition to curing all the ills that flesh Is air to, including a dearth of hair. If your per- son is unclean all you have to do is to leap into the lake, a la Judge Parker, and emerge clean. If your habilaments hap Den to be soiled keep them on when you leap and you can scorn laundries, eke clothes cleaners. The water will not press your garments but it will cleanse them in a way to make Sapolio appear insig- nificant. When the waves get choppy the shore is lathered with suds and when the wind blows it blows soap bubbles. In very truth that is wonderful lake. Perhaps the Washington imagination is also wonderful.
 Contrary to accepted belief, a bundle" taken on in a model saloon is not model package" by any means It is just a plain old drunk" and is worth the same price in police court. If Mrs. Chadwick has safely stored away a million dollars against a rainy day she Is ail the more entitled to ad- miring consideration. It is the same old story of the gambler trying to make one more coup. Had she fitted to Europe without trying to finance that last deal sine would would have been living in elegant retirement now.
 The oldest living senator is David Wark. who is a member of the Canadian senate and is 1O1 years old. If he has never been indicted he is indeed a nov city.
 An Iowa man has been denied a divorce from his wife because she smoked cigar cites in bed He ought to thank his lucky stars that she does I ot smoke them or the front veranda or on the street. PAUL COOK.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1905-02-21
VULCAN WOULD WIN.

From the Rome Herald.
 If Vulcan could Use the advertisement he is now getting for political preferment he could easily get elected to any public office he desires
The Birmingham age-herald., 1905-02-21
Memoli as Director.


 .I was much pleased with Mir Memoli as a musical director" said Mr. Damn Petersen, the voice teacher and solo artist, who sang in the festival chorus at the Bijou Sunday. Mir Dahm-Petersen has. had much experience in chorus work, having trained and directed many chorases in large cities. He sang ire auentIy in St. Patrick's cathedral in New York City, and is thoroughly familiar with the methods of the various distin- guished directors.
 MT. Memoli seems to have natural talent for directing and he has evidently had a good deal of experience continued Mir Damn Petersen. 'He Is wonderfully alert and keeps his chorus and orchestra well in hand. l was agreeably surprised to find here in Birmingham so many hrst- class orchestra musicians as Memolf as- sembled Sunday. This orchestral material speaks well for Birmingham as musi- cal city,
The Birmingham age-herald., 1905-02-21

N EsPITE the prophets of evil who OJJ saw omens of dire potent in the
 O theatrical Armament last sum- mer. business among playhouse folk for the season of 1904-O5 has been surprising ly good This, too, in the face of pres idential election and a derth of plays lit tie short of appalling. Although managers have sent out the same old shows, and many of the newer ones have played re- turn engagements all over the south there is no reason to believe that the panic predicted has-actually come to pass. As matter of fact, the business done has been very gratifying when an things are considered. In Birmingham the season promises to go on record as notable for the number of big attractions that came to town and from a monetary point of view the situation is certainly no worse, if not better, than in past years. Local theatres have no complaint to make of the patronage, and people paid advanced prices to see grand opera, Maude Adams and Mansefild, and will pay s10 seat for Conreid's. production of "Parsifal," with cheerfulness. Even the decrepid musical comedies have managed to stay "out of the hole" more's the wonder. It appears
 that theatrical croakers have put themselves in the same compartment with those gentry who predicted the election of Parker.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1905-02-21

When you go travelins ih the east it is a good plan to carry along a wire less telegraph apparatus so you can communicate with your friends when your train is buried in a snow drift.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1905-02-21

Stoessel promises to become live issue in Russia, and that vexed land is not suffering from stagnation.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1905-02-21

The people of Washington have sub scribed $65,000 as a fund to give the lresident a good inauguration. He is expected to hustle for himself after wards
The Birmingham age-herald., 1905-02-21

The grand dukes and bureaucrats are trouble with insomnia, and cannot enjoy the fine sleighing which St. Petersburg still has.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1905-02-21

A Cincinnati judge advised tht mother of a runaway bride to spank her. The very idea!
The Birmingham age-herald., 1905-02-21

John D. Rockefeller is dispatching his grand dukes to Kansas, the scene of the latest Rockefellian war.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1905-02-21

Frank Comerford bids fair to go back to that legislature armed with a new certificate of election. He takes nothing back.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1905-02-21

How much worse was the assassina- ton of Sergius than the shooting of workmen bearing a petition for help to tho Czar
The Birmingham age-herald., 1905-02-21

Shad are now as high as straw berries in the eastern market. It is lucky that people don't have to live on shad and strawberries.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1905-02-21

The grand dukes in St. Petersburg should now adopt the burrow now pop. ular on the Shahld.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1905-02-21

Dr. Lorrey, the "Parkhurst of Lon don," is not meeting with much sue cess in his warfare against smoking.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1905-02-21

Midshipman Arrowood says it is inn possible to be a midshipman and 2 Christian at the same time. He is too good to live much longer.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1905-02-21

Vulcan ought to have baking pow der named after him. He certainly does deserve some consideration.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1905-02-21

Kansas is expecting sympathy in it's war against the oil octopus from all the states except New Jersey.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1905-02-21

India is our closest rival in the growing of cotton. It makes about two million bales a year, against Egypt's crop of million bales.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1905-02-21

Grand Duke Sergius wore a pompa- dour, but all pompadours are not un- lucky, for Senator-elect Lafollette has one, and he is an idol of the people.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1905-02-21

The modern woman who expects to have statue in the hall of fame ought to wear Grecian robes. Gowns" do not show up well in stone.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1905-02-21

James A. Bailey, managing director of the Barnum & Bailey circus, has just moved into $500,O0O home at Mt. Vernon. The circus business pays.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1905-02-21

Ben Hur" was first published twenty years ago, and it is selling to- day like new book.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1905-02-21

A hot stove fell into the lap of a woman passenger in an Akron, O., trolley car. That was worse than a fat man.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1905-02-21

Candidate Harlan is offering Chi cago beautiful chromoes as an induce ment for votes.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1905-02-21

The Romanoff dynasty has healthy opinion of the bomb brigade, which Is also in vigouours condition.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1905-02-21

The name of Kansas governor < Hoch, and he is not welded to the Standard Oil.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1905-02-21

"The Father of Golf" has just been robbed. His golf sticks were not taken.
 The grand dukes of Russia should either go to the front or take a vaca- tion. -----------. ------- Gen. Lew" Wallace rests in his grave, but Ben Hur win i've ate: him.
 Mr. Niedringhaus is grayitating to the end where those stand who also ran.
 All fear that another cold wave will be jared out of Medicine Hat .Hoch begins to regret he did not keep a registration list.
 
 The expelled MT. Comerford of Chi cago may be reelected.
 The oyster cure is the latest on the list It is for nerves
 Begin to get your habits ready for "Parsifal"
 Kansas is waking up the Rockefeller family.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1905-02-21

Dictator Cannon is endeavoring te show how near we really are to au tocracy.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1905-02-21

Young MT. Hyde is a worthy sue cessor to foolish Harry Lehr.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1905-02-21

man lies dead in Illinois and another man is in jail all because the best girl of the dead man stepped on the toes of the Dulcinea who had been appropriated by the man in jail Was it a case of jealousy. and did one fair charmer pur- posely tread upon the digits of the pos terior limbs belonging to the other fair charmer because of fancied slight or act ual injury? Perhaps the courts will de- eide. It would be a small matter to shoot a man because his sweetheart stepped on the toes of your ladylove, but there may have been extenuating circumstances in this case. If the dead gentleman had lac erated the toes of the imprisoned gentle man we could easily understand why he so suddenly became a subject for un- dertakers. Many a man has longed to slay his brother for this offense, but did not have the "nerve"
 Suitable gift for all occasions: A dozen eggs.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1905-02-21

The grand dukes of Russia should either go to the front or take a vaca-
The Birmingham age-herald., 1905-02-21

Birmingham is bound to grow.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1905-02-21

he believes that there Is always natural solution of every ghost and h. has so far succeeding in finding it every time.''
The Birmingham age-herald., 1905-02-21

MT. Niedringhaus is grayitating to the end where those stand who also ran.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1905-02-21
MELODRAMA.

Throw the switchl' her mother cried She was consumed with ire The frightened girl took off her curl And threw 1t in the fire.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1905-02-21

All fear that another cold wave will be jared out of Medicine Hat
The Birmingham age-herald., 1905-02-21

Washington Bureau Age-Herald. 1421 G Street. N. W.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1905-02-21

.Hoch begins to regret he did not keep a registration list.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1905-02-21
OH SAEi

There was a young lady named Mae Who went to see a plae; They put her out despite her pout Because she could not pae
The Birmingham age-herald., 1905-02-21

The expelled MT. Comerford of Chi eago may be reelected.