The Bowbells tribune., 1905-04-21

By THOS. B. HURLY
Andrew Carnegie says Scotland is his
mother and America his wife. His
bank book shows that he married quite
we'll
Just to add little color to it's career,
Booker Washington addressed Brother
Rockefel1er's Bible class few Sun
days ago.
An Ohio man wants divorce because
his wife kicked him while he was pray
ing and caused him to say things quite
untitled for the ears of the Deity.
In matters of art it is said that John
D. Rockefelleris partial to oil paintings.
How it must pain him to think that
Standard Oil cannot be used in that
noble art!
A st. Louis millionaire says getting
rich is bad habit. To many of US it is
pleasant reflection that this is one
bad habit we have been able to success
fully resist.
The very last hope of relief has been
ruthlessly snatched from US! An Ar
kansas justice of the peace has ruled
that the antitrust laws are "miscon-
stitutional.
The charge that the Republican man.
ayers in Chicago stole the campaign
funds is extremely ridiculous. Who
ever heard of a Republican politician
stealing anything?
Prof. Maxim says if goose can fly a
man should be able to. Perhaps the
professor can give US an intelligent an
swer to the olden conumdrum: "Whv
does horse1y?"
Deleware will have no representative
in the next United States senate, but
her peach crop is safe and she doesn't
care tinker's solder dam if she never
has another senator.
A mail car was recently burned in
Baltimore which contained over 300 love
letters. 1t is not so stated, but the
natural inference must be that the let
ters caused the fire
Gov. Hanley of Indiana declares that
ne never saw the inside of saloon. At
TINS distance we are unable to deter
mlne whether he should be cassed as
an innocent Hoosier or dry joker.
Another revised version of the Bible
IS about to be issued. There seems to
be about as much harmful tinkering
with that old book as with worthy bills
in Western state legislature.
A professor of the University of Chi
cago calls attention to the fact that
man was once fish. In many cases it
may be observed that the evolution
from the lobster and sucker has been
quite incomplete.
An exchange says Kansas recalls the
story of David and Goliath and chucks
another rock at the Standard Oil trust.
And the attorney of the trust responds
with the weapon Samson used on the
Philistines, but with less success.
A writer says that John D. Rookie
feller's wealth in 81 bills would make
double girdle around the earth and leave
remnant l,500 miles long. There are
mighty few of who can make our mon
eygo that far.
A Cleveland paper says: "The Dem
ocratic party has turned out more ras-
Gals than any other organization. F"
Very true, but the vacancies are filled
by other rascals as fast as they are Gre
ated.
A Frenchman wants to sell his title
of duke to some American. If it is in
serviceable condition and not too great
~ frayed at the edges, and if the price
IS reasonable, some American sport
might purchase it to wear when he goes
on a toot
The act of 1903, by which the British
government advances money to Irish
tenants to enable them to buv at low
prices the farms they occupy, may not
kill the demand for political independ-
ence, but it is making big hole in the
British treasury. Money has been ad-
vanced to tenants to the amount of s23.
10000, and agreements have been
lodged with the land commission for
advances aggregating over SS4, 500, 900.
The land thus passes from the land
lNNs s<Jc nS,I h. IL