The Caldwell tribune., 1905-11-25

Humorous


An ounce of intuition is worth a
pound Of tuition.--philadelphia Rec
ord.
J 4Dyer-Did his widow succeed in
breaking his will? Duell-Yes: long
oerore ne died.-Exchange.
Redd-How much does that chauf.
feur cost you a season? Greene-Re-
pairs, fines, or salary2-Yonkers States
man.
MRS Hoyle-Doe@ your husband
make good money! Mrs. Doyle--Yes;
It's good enough, but there's too little
Of it.-Judge.
Madam--Be sure to put plenty Of
nuts In the cake. Cook-I'n crack no
more nuts to-day. Ny jaw hurts me
niready.-Harper's Bazaar.
Tramp lived on water once for
six months. Lady-Well, must say
you don't look it. Tramp-I uster be
satlor.-New York Mail.
"Is this sure enough a cameps hair
brush, mamma" "Yes, dear" "Gee!
don't see how q camel can ever
brush its hair with that thing."-HouS
ton Post.
Jaspar-Many a wise word is spoken
in jest. Jumpuppe-Yes, but they
can't compare with the number of fool
ish ones that are spoken in earnest
Exchange.
Miss Oldone-I wouldn't have re
fused Charley Banks If I'd been you
Miss Sweetgirl-I don't believe
would, either, If I'd been you.-Nev
York Mail
He's sorry that he Quarreled witt
his wife" "she has gone home to he
? mother, I suppose" "No; she's ha'
her mother come home to her."--Phila
delphia Press.
Papa, are jails only for people VIII
> get caught?" Dear me, no! The
lare only for those people who sc
caught and haven't money enough t
stay out."-Life.
Are those new people next doc
richY' ''R1ch! Well, should say ST
They have two automobiles, and OIL
Of 'em Is at the repair shop all til
: time."-Boston Herald.
Haven't Henpeck and his wife Sc
}. tied their differences about their vi
d iting cards" oh, yes, they've con
it promised on Mr. and Mrs. Maria He
peck."-Philadelphia Press.
r. what makes you 90 sure Black
n, not a total abstainer" when l aske
him where he was last night !
=, rubbed his head, and said, Let n
stop and thinkv detroit Free Pres
Miss Anteek-Yes, we're engage
. Some people are mean enough to Sc
he's too young for me. Miss Pert,
Ridiculous. Miss Anteek-It Is
: isn't 1t? Miss Pert-Sure! He'll al
= fast enough after he's married to 20
e -Philadel- hia Press.
. Governess cooking over geograpl
: paper)-What's this? THE people
Lancashire are very stupid!" Whe
: in the world did you get that i'd
from2 Pupll-Out Of the book. 1t sa
that Lancashire Is remarkable for
dense population.-Punch.
Father-Why don't you work,
son? If you only knew how much ha
piness work gives you would begin
. once. Son-Father, am striving
= lead a life of self-denial, in Will
happiness plays no part. Do not ten
me.-St. Louis Globe-Democrat.
~ takes de weather des ez Pro
' dence sends It," said Brother William
"ef l whirled in en- prayed fer II
d dar'd sho' come dry spell. En- Il
prayed fer dry, dar'd come rain enou
ter drown me-en de LaWd knows
s. can't swimv'-Atlanta Constitution.
Squire Greene-Yaas, while
HE folks were away. they expelled
Deacon Goodman from tn Zap
church. Mr.. Naborly-No! Why, b
did It happen2 Squire Greene-N
somebody asked him what he thou
op automobiles, and he told EN-
. Puck.
. Employer-Well, what did he say
vou2 Clerk-That he'd break eV
bone in my body and pitch me out
the window If l showed my race
his office again! Employer-Ihen
hack and tell him that he Is va
mistaken If he thinks he can init
date me by his violence.-Life.
Mr.. Kornersloon-1've half m
RI start for Dawson City, Sal
Here's a fellow went up there
months ago, and has just got h'
With fifteen thousand dollars IN
nocket, Mrs. Kornersloon-But
would never do for you, John.
can't even get home Saturday nls
with your fifteen dollarS-Exchal
The snorer's Retort'
An irascible old gentleman VINO
- 49, misfortune to travel with a