davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Baltimore County union. [volume] (Towsontown, Md.) 1865-1909, 1905-11-11
DOCTORS AND EDITORS.

"The doctors are all friends of ours.
We expect them to stay with us until
death. Yet at the risk of incurring
their displeasure we reproduce the
following:
eve don't know where it came
from, any more than we know whose
rain-spout the doctor smedicine comes
from. We find it in a paper credited
to 'Ex.' IF we knew the. author we
would gladly give his name, because
the article is really good. Here it is:
"The doctor from Algona said that
newspapers are run for revenue only.
What in thunder do doctors run for,
anyway? Do they run for glorye
One good healthy doctors bill would
run this office for six months.
can editor works half day for
So, with an investment of $1,000 a
doctor looks wise and works ten
minutes for So, with an investment
of three cents for catnip and pill
box that cost $I.37.
"A doctor goes to college for two
or three years and gets diploma and
string of words the devil himself
cannot pronounce, cultivates look
of gravity that he pawns off for wis
dom, gets box of pills, cayuse and
a meat saw and sticks out his shingle
fu1l-fedged doctor. He will then
doctor you until you die at a stipu-
lated price per visit, and puts them in
as thick as your pocketbook will
permit.
can editor never gets his education
finished. He learns as long as he
lives, and studies all his life. He
eats bran mash and liver; he takes
his pay in turnips and hay, and keeps
the doctor in town by refraining from
printing the truth about him.
"We would like to live in Algona
and run newspaper six months and
see if the doctor would change his
mind about running newspaper for
revenue only.
eff we didn't get some glory out
of it we would agree to take one of
his pills after saying our prayers. If
the editor makes a mistake he has to
apologize for it. But if the doctor
makes a mistake he buries it.
eff we make one there is lawsuit,
tall swearing and smell Of sulphur,
but if the doctor makes one there is
funeral, cut flowers and smell of
varnish. The doctor can use a word
foot long, but if the editor uses it
he has to spell it.
eff the doctor goes to see another
mans wife he will charge the man
for the visit. IF the editor calls on
another man. S wife he gets a charge
of buckshot. Any medical college
can make doctor. You can't make
an editor. He has to be born one.
"The editor works to keep from
starving, while the doctor works to
ward off the gout. The editor helps
men to live better, and the doctor as
sists them to die easy.
"The doctor pullsa sick mans leg,
the editor is glad if he can collect his
bills at all. Revenue only? We are
living for fun and to spite the doc
| tOrs.''
The Baltimore County union. [volume] (Towsontown, Md.) 1865-1909, 1905-11-11
YELLOW FEVER.

Many years ago the Hon. Casey
Young, member of Congress from
Memphis, Tenn, told me that he
and many others escaped from yellow
fever, which had been prevailing to a
terrible extent in Memphis, by SIM
ply wearing powdered sulphur in their
Shoes. In one instance he had a
large number of gentlemen in his Of
fees and advised them in regard to
this matter, and every man who ac-
cepted his advice escaped the fever,
while quite a number of them who
did not had it.
And I have heard that agents OF
the Howard Benevolent Society have
escaped yellow fever by adopting the
same precaution.
When the grip was attacking al
most every family in Boston some
years ago, I sent an officer to the
Byam match factory, who reported
that out of the large number OF per-
sons employed there not one had been
attacked by the grip. I distinctly
remember reading some years ago that
all persons working in the Italian sui
phur mines escaped the malaria that
prevailed all about them. I remem-
Der also, in book written by an emf
nent German physician, translated
into English, his assertion that per-
sons observing the ordinary rules Of
health and wearing sulphur constant
ly in their shoes were completely pro-
tected from cholera.
1t may be that the old New England
custom of our forefathers and fore
mothers, giving to their children
every spring birthstone and molasses'
was not without good foundation,
and the effect of few doses, as many
of us know, is sufficiently powerful tc
blacken the silver pieces carried II
ones pocketbook, so that car conduc-
tors and others sometimes hesitate tc
receive them. / think, in view OF the
present epidemic in the South, which
may increase, it is we'll to send out thl:
information widely through channels
where it will be likely to attract pub.
lie attention.
The above article appeared in the
Boston daily Herald of Aug. IA, and
we hope may result in good.-Geo
T. AngeH.
The Baltimore County union. [volume] (Towsontown, Md.) 1865-1909, 1905-11-11
Can YOU understand

Can you understand
Why a man who has to pay his
wife's dress making and cleaning
bills will sit in street car with one
foot across his knee, SO that every
woman who passes him must brush
her frock against the dirty sole Of his
shoe?
Why any woman who has ever
watched a newsboy or an Italian pea
nut vender make change will slip a
dime or a nickel into her mouth
while she is using both hands to in
vestigate her purse or bag ?
Why a man who in bearing and
dress is to all intents a gentleman
can sit in a crowded street car with
half-cold or smouldering cigar in his
hand until the odor from that stub
will sicken all the women and most
of the men in his vicinity?
Why a pertty girl who talks III
loud voice in public places imagines
that all the men are watching her fur
lively or are openly lost in admira-
tion
Why a man in crowded street car
would rather open and shut the front
door for twenty women than move
down two feet and hang on strap!
Why woman will walk seven
blocks to save two cents yard on a
piece of silk and then fail to observe
that the butcher is holding out the
bones and trimmings of her Sunday
roast, and the ice man is occasionally
adding an extra FIVE cents to his
bill?
Why a man will dodge trolleys,
drays and policemen in a mad rush to
reach his Office and then line up with
messenger boys, tourists and other
men presumably as busy as himself to
watch fire company turn a stream
of water on two-penny blaze
Why a woman will rush recklessly
in front of moving trolley car to
greet friend and then threaten to
sue the motor company because its
man almost ran her down?
The Baltimore County union. [volume] (Towsontown, Md.) 1865-1909, 1905-11-11
A FAIR DEAL.

A Southern Congressman tells story
of an old negro in Alabama who, in
his bargaining, is always afraid that
he may get "the worst of it," On
one occasion, it appears, this aged
darky went after a calf that he had
pastured all summer, and asked what
he owed for the pasturing.
IT have bill of $40 against you, !"
said the farmer, who had undertaken
the care of the animal, "but, if you
are willing, I'll take the calf and call
it settled"
"No, sab p promptly exclaimed
the negro, "I'll do nothing like dat. "
But he added, after pause, "1'll
tell you what 1 will do,-you keep
the calf two weeks longer and you
can have it.
The Baltimore County union. [volume] (Towsontown, Md.) 1865-1909, 1905-11-11
SATURDAY NOVEMBER IL 1905

iety and struggle, but finally we heard
of plant, alfalfa, which thrived
through dry weather, and securing
some seed, put out small patch:
This we added to year by year, ana
were never again compelled tosell on
young stock because of no feed tor
winter.
Keeping the increase of our stock,
both cattle and hogs, until they were
well grown, we soon had little extra
money, which we invested in young
stock that soon grew into greater
value. Occasional fine crops of corn
enabled us to put fat hogs on the
market, and one day we awoke to the
consciousness that we could sell
enough stock to pay for the half OF
an adjoining one-hundred d-sixty-
acre tract of land, giving mortgage
upon the land for the balance. This
gave us abundant pasture for stock
and farm land for my two SONS.
Our years of struggle had neither
injured our health nor dimmed our
hope, for it required great effort to
pay interest, taxes and running ex-
penses. Our simple habits of life
were past, and with the progress of
the country we must progress. The
boys under my direction managed the
farming and the stock, while my
daughters and I, with bees, poultry
and COWS, kept up all living expenses.
Now the mortgage is off the second
farm; the old homestead is an i'm
proved, we'll stocked farm, with fruit
trees fourishing and the purple bios
SONS of the alfalfa perfuming the air,
while my children and I are discip-
lined by habits of self-reliance and
industry. .-Manmie Hend,icks, Le6a-
non, Kan, in Woman's Home Com
bama0n.
The Baltimore County union. [volume] (Towsontown, Md.) 1865-1909, 1905-11-11
HOW HE SOLVED THE PROBLEM.

Joe Benson was in a quandary.
Out of work for six months, nothing
in sight and down to his last FIVE dol
lar bill. Something must be done,
thought Joe, as he caressingly finger
ed his lone FIVE dollar bill as it repos-
ed in his trousers pocket.
Joe was doing some hard thinking
1t was not because he was afraid of
starving that Joe was thinking, this
bright morning, instead of occupying
his usual place among the corner
grocery diplomats. No, it was not
that-Joe's good wife took in washing
and he was getting enough to eat.
But where was beer money and to-
bacco money coming from? That
was the problem that had kept him
awake until the wee small hours of
the night. The good wife would
furnish the grub without murmur,
but when it came to beer, there is
where Mr.. Joe baked.
But grim necessity is a great factor
in solving lite's problems, and it did
not fail Joe's case.
Joe had a plan, and the smile on
his countenance as he made bee line
towards the hardware emporium
would indicate that he had perfect
confidence in that plan. Subsequent
events proved that his confidence was
not misplaced.
And this was Joe's plan He
would buy one of those ''Let the
machine do the work" washing ma
chimes. He would explain to Mrs.
Joe how she could do twice as much
work with this machine at less ex-
penditure of labor power than she
could in the old way. AS he owned
the machine certain per cent. of the
gross receipts should come to him for
rental. All this he explained to Mrs.
Joe when he took home the machine.
1t all looked very reasonable to Mrs.
Joe, and they soon struck bargain,
and Joe wended his way to the corner
grocery to again take up the discus
ion Of world politics with feeling
that he might have been numbered
among the worlds famous financiers
had he had the chance of other men.
On Saturday night Joe collected his
rent and was happy. Mrs. Joe did
the work and paid over the rental
money without complaint. When
Mrs. .Joe's friends heard ofthe arrange
men they demonstrated with her.
"It is not right" they all exclaim-
ed of one accord.
"But why?" asked Mrs. Joe. Joe
owns the machine that I do the work
with. Isn't that the way all business
is done? :"
'I don't care" persisted Mrs.
Skinnem, one of the ladies promi-
nent in the church where Mrs. Joe
worshipped. ut is not right.
But" persisted Mrs. Joe, that's
the way your husband does. Mr..
Skinnem owns several farms, doesn't
he 7"
s'Yes," replied Mrs Skinnem.
"Well, do not his tenants pay him
rent? Why do they pay him rent ?
Because he owns the land, of course.
Mr.. Shinnem also owns factory, in
which he employs serveral men who
do all the work in the factory, but do
they get all the profits ! No, of
course they don't. They don't be-
cause Mr.. Skinnem owns the ma
chimes with which they work"
Mrs. Skinnem looked bewildered.
"Run along now," continued Mrs.
Toe, and don't be slandering my Joe.
! He is simply doing what your husband
does, and what everybody eles does
who has any capital"
Mr.. Skinnem decided it was time
to go.
The Baltimore County union. [volume] (Towsontown, Md.) 1865-1909, 1905-11-11
DOMESTIC AFFLIcTroN.

A bright girl asked to be absent
from school half day on the plea
that company was coming.
cit is my fathers half sister and
her three boys" said the girl, anx-
iously, "and mother doesn't see how
she can do without me, because those
boys act dreadfully."
The teacher referred her to the
printed list of reasons, which justified
absence, and asked if her case came
under any of them.
"Oh, yes, Miss Smith," said the
girl, eagerly, ''it comes under this
head" and she pointed to the words,
Domestic af1iction.
The Baltimore County union. [volume] (Towsontown, Md.) 1865-1909, 1905-11-11
THE YANKEE sCHOoLMARM.

ct reckon New England will have
its schoolmarm as long as its rock
bound coast lasts" said Southern
tourist. "I travelled miles in the
first Colonies during the last summer
and met those women in towns, at
the crossroads and in the hamlets.
don mean present day schoolmarms
but the precise, colloquial and trim
old lady whose active work is done.
II recall one, and she was type
of many. The trolley car had stop
ped at crossroads out in the coun-
try. An elderly woman, whose CHEEKY
face illuminated Quaker bonnet, had
hailed the motorman.
"She lifted a telescope case to my
seat and I assisted her in boarding
the car. She thanked me in such
sincere way that I felt as if | was
again in Dixie.
"After she had paid her fare she
noticed that was interested in an old
cemetery which the car was passing.
I had asked a fellow passenger the
name of the place. He didn't know,
but the old schoolmarm knew, and
she told me.
"She also mentioned the names of
some of the dead-names with which
the whole country is familiar. When
I thanked her she asked in the most
precise manner if was a stranger in
that part Of the country. told it
was my first visit.
"Then she took the role of guide.
Not crossroads without its bit of
history. Every farmhouse was fa-
miliar.
CT have spent one or more nights
in every farmhouse in this country,
she said. Taught school hereabouts
for thirty years. Every house con-
tains bit of history which to me is
sacred
'Just then another farmhouse was
passed. 1t was about mile from the
road. Pointing it out, she said:
"'I attended two funeral and two
weddings in that house, and I except
very soon to attend another wedding
there. boarded there when was
teacher, while back, and the two
children, boy aud girl, were my
pupils.
First their mother died and
year later the father. Both are buri-
ed in the same graveyard we just
passed. The daughter married in
the old homestead and I was her
bridesmaid. She would have it that
way.
Then her brother married and
as matter of sentiment his wedding
occurred in the same house. was at
that ceremony. His daughter, re-
presenting the third generation, is to
be married beneath the roof few
weeks hence.
"a few minutes later an acquain-
tance of the schoolmarm boarded the
car, and learned from their converse
ton that the schoolmarm was pension
ed by the school board and that she is
now engaged in some sort of mission
ary work for her church.
"a little futher on the car stopped
in the woods. noticed that the con-
ductor did not give the motorman the
bell. The latter knew where to slow
up.
"The schoolmarm arose from her
seat. was up in an instant, lifted
her telescop from the car and then
assisted her down. I wish had a
picture of the stately courtsy she
made. And 1 wish l had a phono-
graph cyclinder of her correct speech
of thanks.
GAS boarded the car looked back.
A girl with the most radiant face /
ever saw, in gown of summer lawn,
with her hair plated in rustic fashion
and tied with blue ribbon, met the
schoolmarm and relieved her of the
telescope baggage. Then they disap-
peared down winding path"
The Baltimore County union. [volume] (Towsontown, Md.) 1865-1909, 1905-11-11
For "THE UNION"
CHANTICLEER.
BY EDWIN HIGGINS.

BY EDWIN HIGGINS.
Darkness is subsidipg,
Glist'ning stars are hiding.
Yet e'er the blushing Dawn
IlIumes the face of Morn
With clarion note of praise
Rifting the misty haze
The courier of the Sun
wakes him his course to run,
For far and near rings pure and clear
The piping notes of Chanticleer.
In the trees and hedge,
In the grass and sedge,
The insect world awakes.
And on the dew drop shakes.
Awake, sleeping birds,
Awake, drOwsy herd,
See the day doth break
All the worlds awake -
For far and near rings pure and clear
The piping notes of Chanticleer.
Brave courticrs and saRes
Have ruled hearts and ages;
Chivalry of the knights,
Battled for love or right,
For insignia of fame
Winning glorious name;
None so knightly or grand
In this or Orient land
When far and near rings pure and clear
The piping notes of Chanticleer.
How proudly he walks.
How cherrily he talks;
Oft with his queen he str0lls,
Oft she their brood enfolds,
Meath the mother wing;
He-sentry and king;
None so dutiful,
None so beautiful,
When far and near rings pure and clear
The piping notes of Chanticleer.
The Baltimore County union. [volume] (Towsontown, Md.) 1865-1909, 1905-11-11

No BIRD, beast or creeping thing
will touch a castor oil plant. 1t
seems to be rank poison to all animals.
Even a goat will starve before biting
off a leaf, and horse will sniff at it
and turn up his upper lip as though
it had the most detestable odor on the
face of the earth. Locusts will pass
it by, though they may eat every
other green thing in sight, and there
is no snrer way to drive moles away
from lawn than to plant few cas-
tor beans here and there.
The Baltimore County union. [volume] (Towsontown, Md.) 1865-1909, 1905-11-11

SHE-"Y You are depressed. l
didn't know you cared so much for
your uncle" He-"I didn't; but l
was the means of keeping him in an
insane asylum the last year of his life,
and now that he has left me all his
money I've got to prove that he was
of sound mind"
The Baltimore County union. [volume] (Towsontown, Md.) 1865-1909, 1905-11-11

"IT SEEMS to me-" said Mrs. Old
castle, ''that the dogmatists have
about had their day." "I knowit,"
replied her hostess. "Me and Josiah
was talkin' about it the other night.
You hardly ever see lady carryin'
one on her lap in the carriage now."
The Baltimore County union. [volume] (Towsontown, Md.) 1865-1909, 1905-11-11

mPEARs to ME your mill goes aw-
full Slow" said the impatient farmer
bow to the miller 81 could eat that
meal faster than you grind it. ("
"How long do you think you could
do It. nv lad 7" asked the miller.
Replied the boy: "Till I starved to
death"
The Baltimore County union. [volume] (Towsontown, Md.) 1865-1909, 1905-11-11

How DO you like the chicken
salad, Mr.. Kidder?" asked Mrs.
Starvem.
"Oh that reminds -1e p exclaim-
ed Kidder, 81 bought book that
was to be sent home today. Did it
come %
eyes, the book came, but how did
the chicken salad remind you of it ?"
"Well, the book is half calf.
The Baltimore County union. [volume] (Towsontown, Md.) 1865-1909, 1905-11-11

S1NGELroN-"Have you decided
what you are going to call the baby,
old man" Wederton-"Certalnly.
I'm going to call him whatever my
wife names him."
The Baltimore County union. [volume] (Towsontown, Md.) 1865-1909, 1905-11-11

"How are you coming on with
your new system of weather predic-
ton 7"
"Well," answered the prophet
cheerily. "I can always get the
kind of weather all right, but l havn't
quite succeeded in hitting the dates
exactly"
The Baltimore County union. [volume] (Towsontown, Md.) 1865-1909, 1905-11-11

In MANY States married teachers
are obliged to resign. Thus the prob
lem of supporting husband grows
more complex.
The Baltimore County union. [volume] (Towsontown, Md.) 1865-1909, 1905-11-11

No MAN should invest in get-rich-
quick scheme unless he can afford to
lose the money.
The Baltimore County union. [volume] (Towsontown, Md.) 1865-1909, 1905-11-11

IT IS wonderful what a comfort
able doctrine the survival of the fit
test is to those who survive.
The Baltimore County union. [volume] (Towsontown, Md.) 1865-1909, 1905-11-11

No ONE ever reaches the top Of the
ladder unless he starts at the bottom
of it.
The Baltimore County union. [volume] (Towsontown, Md.) 1865-1909, 1905-11-11

JoHNNY-Pa, what isintuition
Pa-The mother of II told you So"
The Greeley tribune., 1905-02-16
kelioeg.hankina.

A pretty home wedding took place
at the home of Mr.. and Mrs. f. l.. Kel-
logg of West Ninth street at O'Clock
Tuesday afternoon when Rev. +. NJ.
Sheldon united in marriage their
daughter, Miss Pearl Kellogg and
Elmer Hankins of Windsor. The
house was decorated in keeping with
the ceremony and st. Valentine S
day, with hearts and flowers. Miss
Nina, sister of the bride was brides
maid. and Thomas Ireland was best
man. After the ceremony we'd
ding supper was served. the table
about which the forty guests present
assembled being set in the form of
an II. Mr.. and Mrs. Hankins will
make their home on the groom S
farm in Black Hollow.
The Greeley tribune., 1905-02-16
lyon Yonson

The annual Swedish invasion Is
near at hand. The captain in charge
this year is David Beattstrom. who
i'm the guise of "Yon Yonson' Will
endeavor to make all female hearts in
the audience capitulate when ~ on
Yonson" comes to the Greeley opera
house on Wednesday, Feb. ID. 1t Is
quite true that ''Yon IonSon' has
been seen here before, but this by no
means makes "Yon Yonson" an old
story. In fact. everything in the
production this season is absolutely
new, from the actor who imperson-
ates the title role to the wood used
in the log jam. The new lyon
Yonson" is David Beattstrom, orig
inally Il Swedish actor who came to
this country short time ago ana
having made great hit in vaudeville
on Broadway was Immediately en-
gagged to play the part OF lon
during this season. 1t has been said
that Beattstrom brings to the char
acter of lyon Yonson' the charm
which j. X. Emmett impaired to
Fritz and W. }. Scanlon gave the
'Myles Aroon.'
The Greeley tribune., 1905-02-16
An Interestinp Statement.

Clark & Faulkner say they have at
last discovered positive cure for indi-
gestion.
For years." said a member of the
above drug firm, I'VE have been waiting
for someone to discover remedy that
really will cure dyspepsia"
I'VE recently learned that new rem
edy, Pepsikola Tablets. had been placed
on the market. and on inves' igation we
found that at last there surely is a rem
edy that will cure"
I'VE laid in big supply because we
knew that HIS soon rs the people began
to know about this remarkable remedy
there would be u big demand for it. and
it is selling be> ond our expectations
1t is not often druggist sells a new
remedy on positive guarantee, but nm
less cured of nervousness. dizzy spells,
sour stomach, coated tongue, pslpita-
ton, and other symptoms OF dyspepsia,
Clark & Faulkner will hand back your
money cheerfully and without argument.
No one should hesitate to try %
cent box OF Pepsikols Tablets as they
will Lot cost you penny should they
fail to relieve and cure the very worst
case OF indigestion and dyspepsia.
The Greeley tribune., 1905-02-16
Falkenburg 10 Dead.

+. A. FalkenburE, head and
founder of the Woodmen of the
World and president OF the National
Fraternal congress died at Los Ange-
les Tuesday morning after long
illness. The body will be brought to
Denver this evening for burial.
The remains will be accompanied
by the widow, the daughter, Jessie,
Secretary j. w. MclIenry and Head
Adviser J. ii. Foley. In accordance
with the request of the widow the
body was permitted to lie in state
at the undertakers for an hour this
afternoon, but time did not allow OF
any ceremony. Deceased is the
brother of Rev. S. b. Falkenburg OF
Fort Luptun.
The Greeley tribune., 1905-02-16
hisIey.

Jonas c. Higley, one of the very
first pioneers in this section, died at
his home in the Box Elder country
last "Wednesday. The funeral was
held Sunday.
Mr.. Higley was about 10 years
old at the time of his death. He
came to Greeley in 80 and lived at
various places in the state till Gree
ley was founded, when he Joined the
Union colony. Previous to that
he was in the lumber business in
the hills. For time he conducted
livery stable in Greeley but fire
DESTROYED the property and he took
to farming at which he became
successful. He was charter mem
ber of the Masonic lodge in Greeley
and that order had charge of the
funeral services. There survives
deceased, five sons, one of whom :. is
a resident of the county in the vi
cinity of Hardin.