davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Adair County news., 1905-11-29

Dlef SIlOp OtlS rally IlOTIllIlS,
some playing checkers and the
rest of us arguing politics and
the possibilities of scientific dis
coveries, when Mrs. Colonel
Oyster came founcing in out of
the rain-soaked atmosphere and
began to shake herself like a
big shaggy dog.
dot was SOON bat wetter fur
awomans to be oud, Meeses
Oyster. Der atmospherical phe-
nomena was full of aqutfortis
und humility, accordingly, and
was bad wetter for rheumatic
und asthmatical physics.
"A poor widow that has moth
ing but her pension to depend on
for her living must be up. and
doing in all sorts of weather, Mr..
Dunkleheimer. Pm selling books
gentle, she continued, as she
gave the room a sweeping glance
and took us all in befor she ac-
copied the chair showed before
her bv Joel JiggerbOb.
"So!" calculated the cobbler,
as he held the hammer aloft and
watched the widow open her bag
and produce several prospectus
books and lay them on her abun-
dance of lap. ''Got SOON bilious
trated Bibles und coogk books
NIT hog cholera cures in solu-
tom"
She gave the cObbler a wither-
ing look and closed him up as
tight as a tin can full of toma-
toes, and then began to read
from the prospectus for the ben
eft of the crowd: History of
the Russia-Japan war. Tells all
about those magnificent naval
battles and bloody contests on
land. Portraits of all the i'm
portant officers on bath sides, in
Guiding full page portraits of the
Car and the Mikado-"
81 don'd wants no Car in my
shop!' broke in the cobbler.
ANY men dot ISIS opposition to
human liberties was a tyrants.
l should prefer to crack him on
der heat vociferously NIT my
shoe hammer! Down NIT kings!
To hail Coloompia nit dheir di-
wine rights to rulel Dot idees
belongs to der dark ages, when
common peoples hat no more ct
ucation ass monkeys, und der
rich hat 60 more morals ass a
mormon elder NIT saxteen wifes
und a new refelation in his trunk
accordingly"
We'll if you wish to purchase
a war book, may be love story
will suit some of you gentlemen, +"
she suggested, as she opened a
new prospectus on her massive
lap and read; Sugar of Love; a
Tale of Love and War and In
trigue. A romance of the great
rebellion.
SOL" calculated the cobbler.
"Und diem bin keeping dot lofe
in shoogar, or only soft A? Eli?
Meppy she was brown mulatto
shoogar-eh?''
"Oh shut your trap, Duchman.
This is the best book published
in the world since Dickens wrote
David Copperfeld. | sold 10
copies yesterday over in Goose
Creek district. Even old Jasper
Windtitt bought a copy of this
great love story and will spend
the Winter reading the love adj
ventures Of the beautiful Creole
daughter of a Louisiana sugar
planter. Just think of a man 70
years old reading a love story !"
While hiss wife was tookin in
washing und house cleaning!!"
interrupted the cobbler. knows
dot old men. He was a fool, nit
a prefix called damn in front of
his name. However, he was a
~xs111.. ,,-1 I
The Adair County news., 1905-11-29
Political Rescue.
BY PARKWAY MOSES
R A w A Y M o S E S !.

u
Jonah, dot time he went fish
ing:
Trap der anchor, furl der sail,
| was safe with der whale!"
"Oh, such old brutes as you
never have my sentiment my
sentiment about their makeup, "
snapped the widow. ''You dumb
Dutch marry a wife the same as
you buy horse or a cow or a
dog simply for profit You
couldn't distinguish the differ
ence between love sentiment and
an epileptic fit. If you would
buy this book and read it care
fully you might yet learn some
thing"
Madam, don't want your
boogk. | proposition to write
one myselfs. Und she will not
be some leedle plaything, like
most of diem boogks der peoples
was reading to kill time"
"Oh, | preeume it will be a
great work on philosophy, or as.
tronomy, or geology, or ethnol-
ogy, or psychology, or"
mo, madam; she will be a
work on fools, for fools, und by
SOON old fools who keeps a cob
bier shop where all der fools fol
miles arount congregates NIT vo-
ciferous promptitude to discuss
diem subjects dot was forbidden
by diem shrewd politicians and
shkinf1ints dot was hating a soft
shnaps NIT conditions ass ISIS.
She will he a reform book, NIT
common sense spread all Offer
her like New Orleans molasses
shpread over SOON buckwheat
cakes fur breakfast.
'Got any of it written down
YETI" inquired Professor Dadd.
You was u happy footing has.
| has already bin working NIT
specific energy at dot boogk of
mazillarv maxims literary sas-
sages cut up into mout fulls,. SOS
a men kin chew diem at his dali
ly occupation NIT vituperative
easiness, accordingly. One chap
ter ISIS promulgated to der sub
ject of lofe. Let me quotation
from memorandum;
+" Love is not loneliness. She
begins NIT hand squeezing und
goo-goo eyes und osculating und
ice cream, but she runs oud of
smood water und easy sailing
purity soon und hits der rough
sea of Wood-shplitting und baby
squalls und paragoric bottles und
der wisable bottom of der flour
barrel, accordingly.
:" Lofe shtories are lies, writ
ten by wroters who wroot rot,
und idle peoples play NIT diss
lofely rot der same ass childers
play NIT broomshticks und make
beliefing she was a horse. Soon
peoples read lofe shtories be-
cause dhem didn't had sufficient
lofe in der oyster soup of life,
und was filling oop on mock tur-
tie soup, accordingly.
Z" Soon old maids read lofe
shtories because it makes diem
feel goot to see odder peoples git
shqueezed. 1t comes next to git
ting shqueezed dhemselfs, und
gifts diem lots of chances to hide
dheir bushes +"
You're a foolv' snapped Mrs.
Oyster, as she began to nervous
ly leaf over her prospectus.
"You bet! has a chapter on
fools. Let me quotation: A fool
ISIS de teller dot shticks his ignor-
anus into bolitics und dhen loogks
fur der hole after der corporation
attorney was elected to offie. He
ISIS der man dot was sure his par
fv uyac o1mavc v.iohd md mac
The Adair County news., 1905-11-29

und at der same opportunity he
has got no shirts at home to make
SOON exchanges when wash day
was trumps in der game of life. :"
How about those maxims you
were speaking Of? Have you
written a chapter on maXims?"
inquired Professor Dadd.
"You was a happy footing l
has! l has been 10 yare picking
oop smard sayings und leedle It'd
bits of wisdom, like dhis, fur in
stink:
Z" 'Gooferment war fur der
peoples who did der gooferneer-
ing, by der peoples who was
Thinking gooferment pap, und der
peoples dot was sucking on to
SOON gooferment job with vocif-
erous loyalty, like cement patches
to SOON cow shkin shoes.
Also: 'Handsaws do not grow
on axletrees. Beer kegs do not
grow into hogsheads, but der
contents dooze. Der wimmins
will did anydings she thinks was
right, efen if she dOozn't believe
it was so, und hadn't otter did it.
(Took der Mormon wimmins, fur
instink, who marry a deacon NIT
a dootzen wifes, when diem
knows he doozen't hat enough
lofe for one).'
Also. nit likewise similitude:
'Ag reat mans patriotism was
Ikea boil or cowbunkle-its
force was concentrating arount
dot place where der corruption
accumulations was seeking SOON
holes to leae oud according to the
laws of gravitation.
'Und SOON more again anod-
der time: Dot was a mistooken
idee aloud der wheels of our
gooferment needing so mooch
greasing. Der wheels was all in
der heads of our STATESMEN, und
it was SOON impossibilities to git
at diem NIT der oil can. How
efer, dhere was SOON leetle touch
coles in dheir pockets dot kin be
creased with extraordinary am
plitude, und der wheels can suck
SOON oop by ABSORPTION, accord
ingly.'
Likewise: Dot men who iss
vikings to die fur his country,
ISIS not vikings to his taxation.
soomtimes he was a buffer, like
dot men who says he can willing
ly die to save his wife's charac-
ter, rather dhan go to court und
hat der jury declare she didn't
got any
Hold on, Meeses Oyster.
Don'd gone off NIT such subter-
raneous ratification. | shall need
SOON agents to sell my boogk
when she is pooblished. She
will be sold by prescription, und
| will need a whole lot of old
wimmins to 60 arount und bore
der people NIT solicitations. To
be course, nobodies will wants to
buy my book, cause, she will be
full of goot, common sense und
political wisdom, und dot will be
too shtrong fut dheir mental alb
Grafton, accordingly.
What der peoples wants ISIS
lofe shtories, soft and easy SIGH
ass 'Shoogar Of Lofe, und Ashes
Of Lofe, und Country Semoked
Lofe, und Picked Lofe,' und
Canned Lofe,' und Sour Crout
und Lofe. Goot Colt, der peo-
Piles was only playing SOON liter
airy farce comedy! Playing lee
tie girls in dheir mudder's dress.
es -riding broom shticks und
calling diem shackasses say
Meeses Oyster, COON back und
bore us SOON more.
Sared By~Dynanaite.
The Minneapolis journal., 1905-04-10
80 -,
CLUB, NOTES.

Twentieth Century lodge Of Good Templars will
meet Friday evening at 100 Harvard street.
West St.. Paul. The preggam will be given by
Company 3, in charge of VIM. Robbins - ;
Lucy Hayes W. CT. y. will meet tomorrow
afternoon, at 3 o'clock with Mrs ". n: Law
niversary Of the presi lent. Mrs. Frances Neal;
will be celebrated Friday afternoon from to
s O'Clock with Mrs. Anna A"Lyon. 360S Tenth
avenue $. 4 fine program has been arranged ];
The Social Circle Of Westminster church and
the men of the congregation will be entertained
tomorrow eyenin: at the home of Mrs. William
vocal music will be an attractive feature: -
The Ladies' Aid society Of the First Presby-
terian church will have-a a thlmble bee at the
home Of Mrs. j. S. Mathewson. 1924 Portland
avenue, Wednesday. afternoon. - ~
The Mothers' club Of. Unity settlement VIII viii
Washington avenue n, the afternoon and evening
Of May /: The articles for sale will be both
useul and practical, and ice cream and cake
will be served. The proceeds of the bazaar will
be used for the vacation schools and summer
outings. ~ s:-
The Baptist Women,s Foreign Missionary So
ceties Of St. Paul and Minneapolis will have
their annual meeting in the First church, St.
Paul, tomorrow. A basket luncheon will be
served at
The Minneapolis journal., 1905-04-10
No Knife Needed

Piles can be cured, by internal treatment
To get at the cause-that is the secret, and
that. is why DR.: Perrin's Pile Specific is
so universally successful in its results. It
increases the flow Of digestive juices in
the stomach-accelerates the action of the
liver. With congestion of the liver removed
and constipation relieved, the two chief and
distinct causes of piles are reached and
conquered. gf.,: e.. -. =. -
The Minneapolis journal., 1905-04-10
CLUBS AND CHARITIES
Club Calendar.

TUESDAY, Il, a Fsi5
s Executive committee Of the Wonan's 8
Foreign Missionary society Of the Min
neapolis presbytery, Westminster church
parlors, afternoon s 81
Lucy Hayes We "a. II. u, Mrs. W. M.
Lawrence, 1922 ), Clinton avenue. after
noon.
Cosmopolitan Study sclub, Mrs B, IA.
Thing, 1927 Morgan avenue N, 23O pm.
Alice r. Palmer w. G.. T. u, Mrs. A. ].
Taylor, 261S, QuincyHstreet NE, 2:3O pm,
Social circle Of Westminster church
Mrs. William Donaidson, sO7 Groveland
avenue, evening. H. = q
Minnesota Territorial Pioneer Woman's
club Mrs. Julia HILL, 2737 Portland ave
nue.. all day. - i7@1e .e.s, : a,;e ~ .s,: st:s,
/ st. Marks guild, Mrs.. G. P. Harding
1915 Colfax avenue 5, pm.
Study club Of Prospect Park, Mrs. Det.
weller, SO Orlin avenue Sc, .2:30 pm.
T : Pathfinders,s Mrs. Vadnais, s3aO1 Fourth
avenue S. 2:30 p.m.S4+- r@&<s Z. ;;..s,s
: .Argosy club, annual review, Mrs. A. IS
| Bruchholz, 1855 Bryant avenue s., 2 pm
! Elective Study club, Mrs. E E. Smith
1882 Lyndale avenue $, 2:3O pm. :.
The Minneapolis journal., 1905-04-10
Professor Washburn's Lecture,

The present fad of studying birds
the second lecture which Professor p.
i. Washburn, state entomologist, will
give at the Young. W omen s Christian
association, Wednesday evening at. 8
o'clock. He will show about seventy
five slides which have been made from
photographs Of birds and colored from
specimans. A, series Of moving pic
lures Of sea gulls will also be shown and
add to the interest of the evening Is
program: Both ladies and gentlemen
are invited. s&"!: @-." Z. 1F.@,.r~s -
The Minneapolis journal., 1905-04-10
BEFORE, THE PUBLIC EYE

The Minnesota Ladies' quartet, as
sisted by Mrs. Josephine Bona parte
Rice, dramatic reader, will give a con:
cert this evening in the auditorium Of
the Church Of the Redeemer. A new
and excellent program will be presented
The members Of the quartet are Mines
L. A. North, S. P. Weishoon, H.. N
Kendall,;.I. M. Paulson.
The Minneapolis journal., 1905-04-10
Anniversary Receptio1.

|. The directors Of the Mahala Fisk
P,illsbury home will" hold a reception
avenue s, to celebrate its fourth ami
versary. Mrs. Mary f. Andrews, the
president, and the: other members Of the
board will receive:%f A delightful pro-
gram has been arranged Miss Harriet
Hiscock will sing. Miss. Hazel Lovel
will play, and Miss: Blackburn will read.
The RECEPTION is. not for the members
of the Woman's s Christian association
only, but all the friends of the home are
| bidden. 49, J.
The Minneapolis journal., 1905-04-10
MINNEAPOLIS GOODS co. MINNEAPOLIS DRY GOODS CO.
Dainty Hne1:y for Little Tots


~ fairly duplicated
E.
the It give you nkling Of resources
The Minneapolis journal., 1905-04-10

:. SENATOR o. n. .PLATT GAINS. .....
Washington, Conn.,, April 10-The con-
dition of Senator O.. H. Platt, who is
suffering from pneumonia, showed a little
change for the better today.
The Minneapolis journal., 1905-04-10

Mrs. G.. A. R. Sim pson was the hon honor
guest at a dinner. which was given FIJI
day evening by Mrs: George Glraing, ntooa OF
1919 Stevens avenue. INK caInaedons
terpieee tern and a pink or white taper. in
a silver holder was at each cover. =
The Minneapolis journal., 1905-04-10

Music and aPguessihg contest were the amuse-
ments and the prize WatS awarded 10 Miss May
Moore. Light refreshn1ents We're served. The
rooms were decorated with the club colors. and
club Will soon give, parcel shower tor Miss
May Day, a BRIDE of June. i. 4. o
The Minneapolis journal., 1905-04-10

Gottfried H. %yFedeslein will give his
third organ 1ecitM " Wednesdays evening
inst. Paul 8 church, Bryant and Frank.
lin. avenie s.: ~ Mr.. -Federlein. will be
assisted by w. Scott Woodworth, who
will sing two solos. :: sg~
The Minneapolis journal., 1905-04-10

Coarse, discolored, oily, red skin, :ren-
idered fair and inviting by Satin, skin
The Minneapolis journal., 1905-04-10

See the Oxford Show.
+ All the natty new things in tans and
Epatents now ready. Nickel Plate. 49,
The Minneapolis journal., 1905-04-10
DR.. Perrin Pile Specific
The Internal Remedy 49,

For dyspepsia, indigestion, constipation,
biiiousness, catarh of the stomach and
kindred ailments it is the greatest remedy
that has ever yet benefited mankind.
Certain in its results, this remedy will
cure the most obstinate case of Piles. =
DR.. Perrin Medical Co., Helena, Mont.
The semi-weekly messenger. [volume] (Wilmington, N.C.) 1897-1908, 1905-12-05
FIRST JEWS
Celebration OF Two Hundred and Fiji
tieth Annual Ofshrdlu eraoin cnifwy
tieth Arrival of First Immigrants Of
This Nation.

Tomorrow, Thanksgiving Day, will
the Jews in the United States. as il
will mark the two hundred and fif-
teenth anniversary of the arrival OF
their race in this lanG. The anniver-
sary will be generally celebrated by
them in connection with. Thanksgiving
The first of the Jewish ~colonists ar
rived here in November. 1866, in tne
bark Santa Catarina, which hailed from
Brazil, then a Portuguese possession
There were twenty-seven, men. women
and children. One of the main ideas
of the celebration, the committee, whicil
is composed Of some of the now mos;
distinguished Hebrews in the country
says it is to emphasize the fact :fa'
the Jews are not new corners or ini ,r-
lopers, but that they have been part and
parcel OF the builders of the nation;
and willing sharers of its burdens wren
such were needed 10 be borne, and he
cause Of this fact, are entitled to e Y
benefit of American Cftizenship.-Ch.-.
lotte Chronicle. Nov. 29th-
The semi-weekly messenger. [volume] (Wilmington, N.C.) 1897-1908, 1905-12-05

Options In &C. lower. May szh
December a4A.
CORN-Spot steady. No :. 5sh- CD
tons closed Il { D &c. net lower. MAY
sos: December 81
cAT-Spot steady. mixed oats 30
LARp-Easy. western steamed 81
co to s-.-0. Refined barely steady: con
tinent $50. compound s1 TO SIS.
POgK-Ouiet. family $500: shori
clear $500 TO x1T-00.
RICE-Firm: domestic fair to extra
az to s: Janan nominal
MOLASSES-Steady
C1FFEE-Spot Rio steady No. /.
invoice 9 5-ls: mild steady: Cordoya
ga 10 1eA. Futures closed STEADY me-
unchanged to 5 points higher.
SUGAR Raw firm: fair reftnfng ):
centrifugal 81 test : s-1e. molasses
sugar "a. Refined sugar fsr-9. Confec-
TONERS 4 Sass: rrnuId A s5.o5: CT
loaf $40: crushed $40: powdered
$3.50: sranulated s4.7o: cubes SOS.
COTTON SEED OIL-Was steady
with a light trade. Prime crude I o b
mills % to 2ah: prime summer yellow
sSI to 20: prime white 81 to 81. do
winter yellow 81 to 80.
POTATOES-Foreign easy. other
steady. unchanged.
PEANUTS-Steady. unchanged.
CARRAGES-Steady. unchanged.
BTTTER-Steadv to firm. uuchang-
ed.
CHEESE-Ffrm. UNCHANGED
EGGS-Steady. unchanged.
The semi-weekly messenger. [volume] (Wilmington, N.C.) 1897-1908, 1905-12-05
OVER $1,000
Norfolk Crowd Largest That Has Ever
Witnessed a Virginia. Carolina Game.

That Norfolk proved a better place
for the annual football game between
Carolina and Virginia vas evidenced
by the fact that the receipts were iarg-
er by $4,000 than any game ever be-
fore played by the institutions
The Vi~rginian-Piiot says in regard
to the receipts and the division of the
same:
1.-THE. receipts from the Thanksgiv-
ing game here between the North
Carolina and Virginia football teams,
it is said. amounted in the aggregate
to SILL 900, which, Manager Ryan. OF
Virginia. says exceeds by $4,000 the
receipts from any previous game play
: ed between the two teams. Each
team in yesterdays game will re
ceive $1,000, the remainder going to
the Norfolk associations, which, how
ever, was put to an expense of S2.50O
in entertaining the teams. The actual
paid attendance was owe 10000 pep
pie"
The semi-weekly messenger. [volume] (Wilmington, N.C.) 1897-1908, 1905-12-05
CASE AGAINST FEATHERSTON
Continued Until the February Term
Question OF Reyoking His License.

Considerable criticism was heard to-
day relative to the courts action yes
terday afternoon continuing the GRIM
tnal docket of superior court and TAX
ing up civil cases. A number of cases
still remain On the criminal docket
and included il this number is The
one against A. a. Featherstone, chaTg-
ed with kicking Mrs. Kate Virgins, a
Salvation Army worker. from his Ii
quor shop several weeks ago. When
Judge McNeill announced yesterday
afternoon that 70 more criminal cases
would be tried ut this term. attorneys
for Mrs. Virgins put in strong obiec-
ton to such a course, but Judge Nc
Neill decided the case couldn't be
reached and il will now have to re-
main untried until the February term
This action Of the court will result
in placing the hoard OF aldermen In
an embarrassing position The reyok-
ing of MIR. Featherstone's liquor license
was held UP by the board until the
courts should pass on the issues in
volved. Now that the case will not
come up until next a and the board
must grant licenses next month, it will
be compelled to take action in advance
OF the courts.-Asheville Gazette
News.
The semi-weekly messenger. [volume] (Wilmington, N.C.) 1897-1908, 1905-12-05
THE LAW
Hunters Inclined to Ignore the Law.
Should Get Consent of Owner Before
Entering Upon The Land.

The Fender Chronicle calls the
sportsman's attention to the laws On
trespass and warns them to be care
full how they hunt upon land without
first having secured the consent of the
owner.
The Chronicle says:
AT this seaso of the year the
trespass law is much abused. The
law requires that to hunt on a mans
land you must first have permission
ride over his property when you
you go to a man and ask permission
to shoot game on his property? No
you take the law in your hands. You
ride I'VE his property when you
please and shoot what you please, not
regarding his wishes or consent. And
there is where you tread on danger
GUS ground. There is where you not
only break the law of North Carolina,
but the law of right and justice. Ev-
cry man who owns property has the
right to say who can go on it and
for what purpose. And every man who
enters upon another's land is bound
by state law and by the law of right
and justice. first to get permission
from the owner.
Beware! Let the hunter respect the
law and the wishes of the land owner.
Let the property owner demand his
rights under the law of the stA9e and
Of justice. and let every violator and
every trespasser be tried and punish
ed. Beware!'
The semi-weekly messenger. [volume] (Wilmington, N.C.) 1897-1908, 1905-12-05
RURAL BUILDING ASSOCIATION
Officers and Directors Elected for the
Ensuing Year.

The Rural Building Association
means more to the farmers than they
realize. 1t puts them on an equal
footing to those living in towns as
far as the benefits to be derived from a
building association are concerned.
The above named association not Oily
lends money on city property, but also
on improved farm property in the
counties of Brunswick, Pender and
New Hanover. Dues are now payable
at the office of Mr.. James Owen Reilly,
10 Princess, stl eet.
The following officers and board Of
directors have teen elected:
Presidential. F. H. GOuverneur.
Vice Presidert-C. c. Chadbourn.
Secretary . and Treasurer-Jalnes
Owen Reilly, succeeding r. w. Price,
resigned.
Directors-M. F. H. Gouverneur, {.
C. Chadbourn, M. w. jacob, L. NJ. Lee
Gwin. John H. Handy, D.. H. Penton.
A. G. Warren, B. o. Stone, ]. Y. Nets.
S. w. Sanders, Roger Moore. H. G
Fennell, r. w. Price, Oscar Pearsa'l
Alex. McEachern: and J. 0. Carr, at
tOrney.
The semi-weekly messenger. [volume] (Wilmington, N.C.) 1897-1908, 1905-12-05
TIE LIVERPOOL MARKET.

Liverpool. December 2.-4 D. m
Cotton: Spot quiet. prices unchanged
American middling s.16. The sales oi
the day were 5000 bales Of which 3ot
were for speculation and export and
included 1900 American. Receipts o.
coo bales. including 5000 American
Futures opened quiet and steady and
closed quiet: American middling G. .
c.: December sos: December and Jan
uary SOS: January and February $40
February and March GA: March and
April GIT: April and Nav $40. MAY
and June 6.22: June and july ga,
July and August SIS: August an
Sarfemher 6.19.