The Virginia enterprise. [volume] (Virginia, St. Louis County, Minn.) 1893-19??, 1905-06-23

can enjoy your religion and victuals
as we'll as eyer, but the seasickness
that the English channel gives you is
permanent investment, like govern
ment bonds that you cut coupons off
Of | spect we shall be sick always
chills and fever.
Say, boat on the English channel
does not roll, or pitch, at intervals,
like a boat on ordinary water, but it
does stunts like broncho that has
been poisoned by eating loco-weeds,
and goes into the air and dives down
under, and shakes itself like a black
bass with hook in It's mouth, and
rolls over like trained dog, and sits
up on its hind legs and begs, and then
walks on it's fore paws, and seems to
Jump through hoops, and dig for wood
chucks, and all the time the water
boils like 'pollinarius, full of bubbles,
and it gives you the hiccups to look
at it, and it flows every way at the
same time, and the wind comes from
the fourteen quarters at once, and
blows hot if you are too hot and want
cool breeze, and if you are too cold,
and want warm breeze to keep you
alive, it comes right from the north
pole, anS you just perish in your
tracks.
Gee, but it is awful. When you get
seasick on an ordinary ocean, you
know where to locate the disease, and
you know where to go for relief, and
when you have got relieved you know
that you are alive, but an English
channel seasickness is as different
from any other as an alcohol jag is
different from champagne drunk
This English channel seasickness be-
gins on your toes, and you feel as
though the toenails were being pulled
out with pincars, and the veins in
your legs SEEM to explode, your arms
wilt like lettuce in front of a cheap
grocery, your head seems to be struck
with pile-driver and telescoped down
into your spine, and your stomach
feels as though you had swallowed a
telephone pole with all of the cross
arms and wires and glass insulators,
and you wish lightning would strike
you. Gosh, but dad was hot when
he found that he was sick that way,
and when we got ashore he wanted to
kill the first man he met.
He thinks that it is a crime for
= man not to understand the English
language, and when he tells what he
wants, and the man he is talking to
shrugs his shoulders aud laughs, and
brings him something else, he wants
to pull his gun and begin to shoot
up the town, and only for me- he would
have killed people before this, but now
he takes it out in scowling at people
who do not understand him. Dad
seems to think that if he cannot make
man understand what he says. all
he has to do is to swear at the man
but there is no universal language of
profanity, so the more dad swears the
more the nervous Frenchman smiles.
and acts polite.
l think the French people are the
politest folks I ever knew. If a
Frenchman had to kick a person out of
doors, he would wear a felt slipper.
and after he had kicked you he would
place his hard on his heart, and bow,
and look so sorry, and hurt, that you
would want to give him a tip.
0, but this tipping business is what
is breaking dads heart. I think if
the servants would arrange a syndi-
cate to r0h dad IF fwn or fhro<: ao1
lars day, by pocket picking, or sneak
thieving, he would overlook it, and
say that as long as it was one OF the
customs of the country We should
have to submit to it. but when he
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