West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1905-01-12
THE RAMBLER
Is Still Suffering the Panss Of Dis
content Among the PIemen.
NO PROSPECT OF A COMPROMISE
Between Those Who Fought and
Bled fer the Pie To Add to His
Misery the chick'nm'n are
About TO Declare War
On One Another.

| - % WIN ANSASA AudN nave &c
make the humiliating and sad an
nouncement that everything in tn,
Republican family of Preston is mo-
harmonious and brotherly After
winning such glorious victory over
the Democrats, Prohibitionists, So.
cialists, Tom Watsonites and the
rest of the gormandizers, who made
such a terrible assault upon oul
piery, and were repulsed and driven
back by our noble army OF piemen,
felt thut our days of rejoicing and
shouting would continue for -four
years at least. SIS much for my
absolute faith in the Bosses tha,
they would distribute the pies in a
manner that would keep down con
sention and quarreling. To show
my loyalty to the party in which !
have devoted forty-two years OF
hard labor, and many times, in or
der to win the victory, was com
pelled TO handle the truth in a reck
less manner, so reckless indeed that
If offered in Z Court Of Justice |
would have been sent to the stone
pile for sixty days if not longer,
went before the Bosses and with
draw my application for pic. Even
this sacrifice Of mine did not bring
about harmony. The Bosses con
fided in.me with tears in their eyes
that there were not enough Of the
patriotic piemen willing to sacrifice
as l had done. Sad to relate, pie
thetically speaking, the war contin
ues and there is no telling how many
piemen will be left on the battlefield
to mourn and groan. Unlike the
other piemen whom we defeated on
Nov. 9Th their mourning and groan
ing will be genuine and ooze straight
from the heart.
This is not all the trouble that |
have to contend with l am weight
ed down with the grief of old speck
which was injected into the battle
Of Nov. 8th.- | was one of the
thousands who had congratulated
myself that we had made pot pie
out OF old speck and that she would
not come home to roost and torment
us. But in this was equally as
disappointed as the Democrats who
had selected their pie from the pam
try II old spcck is not coopcd up
there is going to be a frighIful ex
plosion in the hcnnery. have
been selected as moderator by the
warring tribes, on account Of my
long and honored record Of settling
disputes among the piemen, but
fear that my selection will be the
means Of driving me to a permanent
residence in some mad house. I do
not feel equal to the task imposed
upon me.
We have two tribes in the town
Of Kingwood. One tribe says that
the chickens must be impouuded,
and the other tribe says they must
run a large The men at the head
Of both tribes are loyal and devoted
friends Of mine. value their
friendship more than / do the vel
low flesh on the bones Of any old
speck that ever scratched in the
garden or flew the coop when the
preacher was announced 10 pay us
a spiritual visit
The tribe which declare that old
speok aud her brood must be inn.
pounded is lead by Gems. James A.
Brown and Leader Shaw. The
tribe that say that old speck and her
brood must be permitted to run at
large withou, molcststion or hinder.
ancc is led by Gen1s. Thos. NJ.
Clayton and Joseph Jackson. The
| generals Of both tribes are fighters,
and they trace their fighting blood
back to years before Noah sailed in
his ark Generations Of civilauon
have domcsticatcd them, but when
the feathers begin to ny / have a
vague idea that they will return 70
their wild state II they do there
will be no occasion for as TO fight
over pies for years to come.
called on Gems Clayton and
I Jackson and interrogatcd them rs to
their intentions. They informed
me that they had placed an order
for one huodred incubators, that the
wear on old speck was too great and
the incubation intifely too slow to
supply the demand for poultry.
They stated that they had advanced
up to the 10th century mark and