Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1905-03-10
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Grumbling Customer-What's the
reason you raise the price of your coal
every month? Dealer-Well, we find
the people keep on paying it.-Chicago
Tribune.
Don't be ashamed Of work." said
Uncle Eben. Sometimes de man wifi
de wheelbarrow aim got nigh as much
trouble as de man wifi de automobile"
Washington Star
1T is difficult for people to get what
they really deserve In this lIfe.' "It
is difficult for some of u.s." answered
Miss Cayenne; Others have to dodge"
Washington Star.
Spellbinder-I've nailed seventeen
different lies during this campaign.
Voice from Audience-Have you got
union carpenters card, Gull ll?-Louis-
vile Courier Journal.
They've added another man to the,
force working on the new postofiice
building" SIS that so?" Yes. one
Of the boys employed became of age
yesterday. Plain Dealer.
Money doesn't make the man." said
the high-browed and naughty youth.
"No," answered Senator Sorghum. "1t
doesn't make the man, but sometimes
1t makes the candidate. Washington
Star.
Wanted a Circus: The Child-Are
you the trained nurse mamma said was
coming? The Nurse-Yes, dear; I'm
the trained nurse. The Child-Let's
see some of your tricks.-Brooklyn
Life.
Bride-George, dear, when we reach
our destination let US try to avoid CIV
ing the impression that we are newly
married. George-All right. Maud;
you can carry this suit case.-New
Yorker.
II wonder why they call these apart
ments 'fats7' That doesn't mean any
thing" mo, perhaps the man who
first invented them happened to look
at the building plan sidewise. ."-Phila'
delphia Press.
/ Another Victim: Newsboy-Great
mystery! Fifty victims! Purchaser
Here! l say! There's nothing in your
paper! Newsboy-That's the mystery
guv'nor. You're the fifty-frst victim
ILLUSTRATED Bits.
"She must be a very brilliant WON
an, for hear that she says SO much
that is worth remembering" Indeed
she does She teaches the multiplied
ton table in the primary grade.
Cleveland Leader.
/ Pats Trouble: An Irishman came tx
o doctor complaining that he hat
noises in his head. "Oi have thin ar
the toime," he said. "an' sometoime,
OF can hear thin fifty feet away!-
Lippincott's Magazine.
"why did the congregation hurr,
out 30 suddenly after the benediction? ?
1.-THE sexton makes them leave thei
umbrellas in the vestibule. and thos.
who get out late haven't much of /,
choice. ~ Cleveland Plain Dealer.
4 She Was Worried: The Minister
Ny dear madam. let this thought con
l
member that other and better mel
than he have gone the same way
Bereaved sWidow-They haven't al
gone, have they?-Tit-Bits.
Just Avoiding Cuss Word: Grayc
War! War! War! Gladys-What o.
earth are you hollering war" about
Grayce-I just struck my thumb wit
the hammer. Gladys-Well. what
war got to do with it? Grayce-Don'
lyou know what war is?-Louisvill
, Courier-Journal
She Meant Well: "Now, Tommy,
said Mrs. Bull, "I want you to be goo
while I'm out" "I'll be good for
nickel" replied Tommy. Tommy,
said she, 81 want you to remembe
that you cannot be son of mine VI
Hess yon are good for nothing. Louis
Vile Courier-Journal.
u Dentist (who has pulled the wron
tooth)-I see how made the mistak
L counted the molars from the bac
to have cut your wisdom teeth We
young man. Groaning Patient That
evident from the choice l made OF
. Chicago Tribune.
l. Directions for Use-The inventor
o new feeding bottle for infants sel
= out the following among his direction
= for using: when the baby is do1
r drinking it must be unscrewed and la
a in cool place under the hydrant.
at the baby does not thrive on fresh mi
r It should be boiled. Golfers Week.
az
E. Mark Twain's First Money.
.e While travelling recently Maj
= Twain was asked by friend and fe
s low passenger If he remembered IL
p,nrau ho hod ouor 90