davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Ordway new era., 1905-07-21
piNps y . NOT POISON.
Darby Explains His Insfssetusi EMests
70 Commit Suicide.


70 Commit Suicide.
There was man In Atlanta who
once suspected q colored man in his
employ Of tampering with the contents
Of his wine cellar. especially with a
certain brand OF fine whisky. The
employer decided to adopt measures
to verify his suspicious. He allowed
the demi5ohn holding his private
stock" to become empty: then. in
stead OF refl,ing It. he placed his pet
brand In bottles. labelling each one
poison"
One evening, on returning home un.
expectedly. he caught his servant in
"fagrante delicto." Seizing the bottle
from the darky's hand the Atlanta
man exclaimed, In a tone of horror.
Great heavens, Sam! do you know
what you have been doing? This bot
tie Is marked 'poison!'"
The negro took the bottle and sur
veyed 1t closely. Then he smiled at
1t. melancholy smile fitted over
his dusky countenance. "'Tain't pizen,
sah." he said, dejectedly. Use been
fooled ag'in."
Fooled again?" repeated the mas.
ter. Indignantly. What do you
mean?"
well. sah." continued the darky. in
the same tone OF depression. "it am dis
way. ! knowed from de fust. from de
way you acted bout dat demijohn, dat
you had yo' susp!shuns oh me; an dat
sho' made me feel pretty blue. got
distressed. an didn't care. Why. sab,
TO mos two weeks now Ise been tryin'
to commit suicide outer dat bottle. -
Womans Home Companion.
The Ordway new era., 1905-07-21
scHooLBoY pEss1M1sT.

The irrepressible boy is a little AMI
NAL who has no regard for the eternal
fitness Of things. Recently school In
this vicinity was closed for day or
two on account Of the death OF a vener-
ated and beloved teacher, and small
urchin belonging to another school IN
the neighborhood looked with envy
upon the children who were given q
melancholy holiday.
.Har' he exclaimed az he saw them,
"nothing ever happens at my school"
Boston Beacon.
The Ordway new era., 1905-07-21
III. Aiimenss Of Rails.

A curious phenomenon observed on
railways in India is. reported by Mr.
wilkinson, an English engineer, and
noted in In Nature. Says that journal:
"At the end of a certain time, the rail
presents series Of protuberances on
the rolling surface, spaced about 8 mil.
limetres Q-5 inch) apart and 1-10 mil.
limetre (O4 inch) high. This arises
from an excessive elasticity of the
metal; under the influence Of the vi.
bratIon, nodes and loops are produced
and the loops wear away more quickly
than the nodes by contact with the
rails.-Literary Digest.
The Ordway new era., 1905-07-21
A TONIC RREATH.

In a scarcity of new stories good
old one may bear repetition: A Scot In
hospital at Bloemfonteln recovering
from an attack of enteric disease sug-
gested to the doctor that he would be
grateful for 'wee drappie." NO.
no." said the doctor. do you know
that your stomach is in such an ulcer
ated condition that a spoonful OF whis-
Ky would kill you" "Aweel, sir" re-
piled the patient regretfully. Il must
do without it; but, doctor. just come
up close to me-" The medical man
obliged. "Ah, DOCTOR" said the soldier.
signing contentedly. Eyer breath's vera
refreshin'y'
The Ordway new era., 1905-07-21
Patient, Indeed.

The old colored deacon accosted the
parson on the roadside.
"Pahson." he began, "Ah want to
ask yo' question. Who was the most
patient man on earf?"
why, bruddah." responded the par
son, Job was. OBJ cose.'
mo. sab! All tell yo' Noah was"
"En how do yo' make dat out?"
"Why, Noah had two skeeters on dc
ark en- carried dem around foh forty
days en- nights. Ell he cud resist
slappin' ct dem all dat time he was de
most patient man on earf."-Chicago
News.
The Ordway new era., 1905-07-21
A CONFESSION.

A Kansas man appeared the ether
day with big three-cornered scar on
the side of his face. which looked sus-
piciously like the print OF the heel OF
lady's shoe. and when friend who
had not seen him for a long time met
him, and with surprise asked him.
"why, Jim. how did you get that aw-
full scar" he replied, THAT is birth
mark" His friend exclaimed: "Impos-
sible: you did not have 1t when boy"
NO." he replied. "but 1t is birthmark
Just the same. You see. when was
coming home from the West was rid
ing in sleeping car and tried to get In
the wrong BERTH"
The Ordway new era., 1905-07-21
The chance In Jim,

They said that Jim was lazy. an he did
appear TO be
A little bit a-workin' In the harvest field
with me;
He couldn't. iike the other hands. git
started In the swim.
Until lost my patience. and had to fire
him.
From there he went to Amosville an
got In Mortiey's shop,
An sailed into the bizness like a reaper
through the crop.
Took hold OF things In carnest-madc n
good mechanic. too,
TIL Mort remarked: II don't see how he
ever loafed fer you"
An which Is why want to say that lots
OF laziness
Depends upon the Job man Is workin
nj. l guess.
Just give a man the job he likes like
Jim liked In the shop.
An nine times. out o. ten. I guess. the
laziness II stop.
Detroit Tribune, !
The Ordway new era., 1905-07-21
DUCK HUNTING IN JAPAN.
ArtIAciaiIty Combiucd with Nature In
Capturing tho Birds.

ArtIhciAllty Combincd with Nature In
Capturing tho Birds.
Marquis Kuroda's pond is some ten
acres In extent. Around Its entire cir.
cumference great moundlikc wall
some fifteen feet in height has been
thrown up, and upon its summit and
slopes n dense canebrake has been
planted, which rises some thirty feet
more In the mir, and absolutely cuts on
all vision Of the interior expanse of
water. At intervals of some thirty
yards, for half the circumference Of the
circle and on the landward side, bitches
about six feet deep and five feet wide
have been dug. These bitches with the
waters of the lake some eighteen inches
deep in them, are about a hundred
feet long, banked with earth and
sodded on each side. some three feet
above the surface Of the surrounding
land. Where they enter the lake two
right-angled turns are made. which as
sure a complete screening Of the lake
from any outside view, or vice versa.
A thousand tame ducks are kept In
this lake to decoy the wild ones into
the byway feeding bitches.
W0en tue uuchS oiicc ehtet the uitSh
and begin feeding. the warden pulls the
bell-wire and warns the host and his
guests at the house several hundred
yards away, and, as the birds approach.
he pulls a second string, which con-
meets with and closes light wire gate
where the ditch debouches into the
lake. The duck are thus trapped in n
deep, narrow ditch, from which they
have no escape except In upward flight.
The netsmen hurry to either side OF
the bank-protected ditch, and line up
along its entire length, with their long
poled nets held rlgidly and their eyes
fixed on the cut in the earth. A war;
den creeps to the rear end Of the ditch
and cautiously peeps over. With
series of frightened sQuawks and
splashing and tapping Of many wings.
the terrified birds rise like bullets
from the water; the nets sweep through
the air and are brought bottom side
up on the rearward side. when few Of
the most lucky are found to have
threshing, loudly quacking duck en-
meshed therein.-William Didwiddie,
in Harper's Weekly.
The Ordway new era., 1905-07-21
CHINA, w..,,n Of Coal.

According to an estimate issued BY
the British Royal Commission China
has 2S2, 900 square miles Of coal pro-
ducine lands, the United States 200.-
600 Canada $4,000, Great Britain a.
O0O' France 1000 and Germany 100.
with aii'its claims OF ancient ciyilisa-
.tfon. China has never yet Weakened up
"a Tie productive uses Of coal thea6n
L sS6ms ;fo have ln6se d Il than Sxlst1
is M ~ y eppltf E'euld \ ~ y
The Ordway new era., 1905-07-21
Charming.

While Prof. Henry Drummond was
calling on friend on his last visit
here he was introduced to party OF
American girls.
How very formal you are here
when you are introduced" he said.
Nov, in England We always shake
hands. What do you do here when you
say good-by?"
"Oh. we kiss" said the youngest OF
the party, a charming girl OF 16.
"Ah, that's charming" responded
Prof. Drummond: Suppose we say
goodby right now"
The Ordway new era., 1905-07-21

WANTED HIS MONEYS WORTH.
big John" is one of the celebrated
features OF Harvey's restaurant. He
mas been a walter there for years md
knows all the leading men In the coun.
try.
Yesterday man came In and sat at
one Of Johns tables.
Look here, boy" he said. "I want an
oyster stew"
Yes. SIR" said John. "What klnd?"
Ihe man looked at the bill Of fare.
Oh" he said, II don't want to pay
more than n quarter for 1t. but please
be careful to see that the milk is per.
fectIy sweet and not skinned and that
the butter you put In 1t is of the best
creamery brand. Observe also that |
want the oysters boiled without the
liquor. When they are ready pour In
the liquor and be sure that l have the
finest brand. Do not put In those COM
mon oysters. Also add small glass
OF fine sherry. Do you understand"
"Yes. SIR" said John. II think / un-
derstand. but do you want the oysters
with or without:"
with or without what:" asked the
particular stranger.
Pearls. SIR" said John.-washing-
ton Correspondence. In Chicago Inter
Ocean.
The Ordway new era., 1905-07-21
A,s ouEER soJouRN.

- VOEER 6OJoC A.N.
Known church speaker of Bos-
is associated with the Tire
hple OF that city. finds the
OF his wife In his audience
est obstacle he has to contend
Delivering a discourse. Her
disapproval of the utter
m the platform outlines Itself
untenance in a most dispirit-
and the lecturer tells OF the
experience wherein a slip of
e was brought to his notice In
ber:
getting along toward the
an address one evening when
IN his wife's direction and the
look on the good woman's
|e him aware that something
wrong. 1t was with q very
Fable feeling that he finally
Us talk to q close. and as soon
portunlty was given him he
to her side.
my dear" he asked, "what
bg with my address tonight!
on your face suggested trou-
ne sort"
Pg OF great consequence" was
Ter, "only you referred to Jo-
pnining three days and three
the whale Of the belly and
fived to repeat the expression
es."-Ned Barney, in Lippin-
The Ordway new era., 1905-07-21
pesIan for TaIIor'e Stationery,

A gentleman called last week at q
large stationer's to order some note.
paper with a heading. On being shown
various designs, monograms, etc.
NO" he said, Il want something sim.
pler-iust a flower, forget-me-not.,'
"But, sir, that would surely be more
suitable for young lady.
\ Il know what | want, was ths
prompt reply; = am = tailor. and the
prs - sor my customers. !" !.
The Ordway new era., 1905-07-21
IN THE SOUP.
6KAEXXXX|

IN THE SOUP.
erlcan lady went into 4
Rlrdresser's establishment in
ret a shampoo. The proprie-
tall. thin man. with all the
suaylty OF a dancing master.
FORWARD In haste as the door
adame weeshes a treatment
lp. oui, yes" said he. bow
lth n wide sweep OF the hand.
nd I have my own notions
1t should be DONE" replied
xlanclng doubtfully about the
Eif she felt she was putting
10 the hands OF irresponsible
"where do you keep your
bns. sir?'
ingredients-they are here,
said the artist, leading the
marble slab affixed to the wall
Sck of the room. upon which
bd a long line OF bottles and
ay recognized many OF the
bns and thus regained much
burance.
eome readyy' asked the pro-
Bit, II yon please. First. l
ke OF that" she said. pointing
4.
|rdresser nodded. at ees my
Madame"
hen you may rub in some of
BE- pointed to n jar of n famil-
ID will be excellent. Madame"
! good rubbing with that" she
Indicating an open bowl
htained n thin brown liquid.
honw cried the other. Mad
not weesh it,
do" replied the lady sharply.
,adame-"
II say. II you please" she In
In n vexed tone.
bprletor shrugged his shoul-
be did as he was bid. Every.
bt well except that the brown
not smell just MS she had cx-
bd produced n curious sensa-
hrmth as 1t was applied.
J that brown liquid a shampoo
she asked with growing
be finished.
|iadame." lie replied politely;
lon because Madame inseests.
see. l was eating my-what
It? - lunch when Madame
rs bowl contained my soup.
r-R. w. Child. In Lippln-
The Ordway new era., 1905-07-21
SAFE SIDE.

An old woman who persisted IN bow
inR during church service whenever
the name OF Satan was mentioned, was
.reprimanded b the minister for 70 un-
Soomly habit. The reproof hAd,
.hoWSysf, no eject. and the minister
|6aked her 1nally, n evaporation Why
~ 'tkon6Ak + necessasy to bow.
! : = VI s ~ Ispllsd rcivllity eoets
4 Iai ia NJ GoV9R know Wllat
The Ordway new era., 1905-07-21
lNoT LONESOME.

1OAN &1s
on the grass in front Of a sod
Oklahoma was q man clean.
ble-barreled shotgun, and AZ
ID conversed q few minutes
how fur 1t was to the near
bor's.
over two miles," he replied.
as that? You must ind Il
nesome here"
fan't say us I do"
ps you are not one Of the lone.
d."
p not. But, you see. I mort.
s claim for $400."
couldn't pay. and they fore
me-"
was two years ago, and the
rs been trying to get posses
since. He comes twice a
u We have Q shot at each
at least twice q week some
oi comes along and wants to
amt lonesome. and when
me claim Jumpers. the rattle
nd the skunks, this life IL
excitingest thing I know Of.
mes the Sheriff now, and you
: get down behind that log
clear of his buckshot." ITO
n) Journal.
The Ordway new era., 1905-07-21
AS TO IMPLnMrNrs.

as TO IMPLNMENTs.
or Robert D. estty, Of the
Law School. was telling his
me other Day ef The nsed that
occasionally have foe I little
OF agriculture. n was r.
this nssd III other day. ~
when Z yot1n q t(osl3e ~
told ms aboqt III tn15 fpe,
two ~ tkfSk ! MI ~
\, Z: 7:
The Ordway new era., 1905-07-21

what ! sui.
fered NO one
viii eve r
know. l used
about every
known RENE.
dy that is
said to be
good for kid.
ney com.
plant. but
without de-
riving per-
manent re-
lief. Often
The Ordway new era., 1905-07-21
WANTED ONLY THE BEST.

The yellow and red poster which
adorned big board fence in Macon.
Ca. announced that the circus was
soon TO pitch tents in that city. Be-
meath the counterfeit prcsentment of II
man on n bicycle turning somersaults
In the air. says the New York Times.
n group of darkies We're gazing open
mouthed at this announcement. In let
tiers of green: "Wait! Wait! Wait.
The Greatest Show on Earth. Sept. l."
"Ah amt agoln' to dat show" re-
marked one mulatto TO his companion.
"Whah fob you amt goin!" she re-
piled. in disappointed tone.
"Ah's gwan TO wait foh he othal
show wot's bettah." he said.
.'They amt no bettah show" said
she.
"Yes. they is" was his reJoinder.
ut say so on dat bill. CANT you read?
Greatest show on cath 'cept one.'"
The Ordway new era., 1905-07-21
a woMANso aaloaRv.

1ers. John Ia Rue. Of 1l6 Patsfsca
Avenue. Paterson. N. j.. says: Il was
tsoubled for about nine years. and
The Ordway new era., 1905-07-21

He who waits never leads . process
dertaker. fs-.1 .7f go - 81
The Ordway new era., 1905-07-21
Tho Deet ReeuIts m atarohlne

When Answering Advsrtissmea1s
Kindly Mention This Pepsrs
The Ordway new era., 1905-07-21
](](CC)lk)(())Ok]D(>l(>.
Drcll Stories Of the
Passing Moment. !.

< xXskA(sl<s( sks(s(>l{
The Ordway new era., 1905-07-21

In every pachaee of schiiii,g's Bsss ~ h =
BOOKLET: How 70 Mako 0ood Tsa.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1905-12-14
Panic Prevails.

Moscow. Tuesday. December 12, via Tel ephone to St. Petersburg, December 12, via Eydtkuhenen, December 13.-A verit- able panic prevails on the bourse. The complete collapse of business in the prov ince has been attended by many bank ruptcies The agrarian disturbances are extending almost to the gates of the city. The country mansions of many nobles, including Count Shakoyski, have been burned.
 Strikers fought with a Cossack patrol in the outlying industrial cillage of Goro- distcht. The strikers stood their ground with revolvers, emptying four saddles and forcing the Cossacks to retreat. The workmen's council of Moscow has ad- hered to the decision of the St Peters, burg council in deciding against a gem eral strike. It develops that the councils funds have been exhausted in supporting 16.000 idle workmen.
 Efforts to break the post and telegraph strike here have been unsuccessful. The volunteer carriers are boycotted and taunted in the streets.
 News from Kursk say that two regi- ments which refused to protect landed estates from the peasants have been or- dered back to that town.
 The publishers of Moscow have decided to defy the press law
The Birmingham age-herald., 1905-12-14
Describes Killing.

Vienna, December 13-The Neue Freie Presse today published dispatch from Czernowitz, Austria, received by mail from Kieff, in which the writer asserts that the assassin of General Sakharoff, former minister of war, and the represen- tative of Emperor Nicholas at Saratoff, is locksmth's apprentice named Cav Til Woroschnickoff.
 He was dressed as woman when he killed Sakharoff. Woroschnickoff. the cor respondent adds, posed as being deaf and dumb when he gained an entrance to the palace in order to hand to General Sakharoff a letter. few hours after his arrest he was forcibly released from custody by the revolutionists and con veyed across the border into Austrian Po- land, where is he Is now safe.
 A big mass meeting of Polish citizens at Tarnopol, Austrian Galicia, on De- cember 10 adopted resolution to the ef feet that I've stigmatize the actions of the Russian government which has not hesitated to set ablaze the lowest and worst race hatreds against the Jews sim ply because they are Jews, and we ex- tend to the Jews our deepest sympathy"
 dispatch to the Tageblatt from Odes- sa sent by mail to Podwolochzska, says:
 "In spite of the fact that the interior minister Durnovo, telegraphed orders dismissing all the striking postal em-. pioyes, the strikers are determined to con- tinue the strike. The League of Leagues gives warning of further oppressive meas ures by the government and of the coun- cil's preparations for resolute resistance.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1905-12-14


 tion and prove reconstructiye rather than promoter of waste. This will gipe nature fdtr chGncc to put in motion normal work of repair and tissue building. Such tonic was grown in Natures Laboratory, hidden In the ground and brought thence forty years ago by Dr. R. V. Pierce, who has made the treat ment of lingering diseases his lifelong study and care.
 He uses gyceric extracts instead of alcoholic ones, exactly proportioned and combined by processes of his own inven- tion. first used in his private practice and now given out freely to the world In his "Golden Medical Discovery" which is root, Stone root. Black Cherry bark Blood- root and Mandrake root.
 Mrs. A. T. Jones' Of 9e6 Hayes Street, San Francisco. Cal. writes VAS child was delicate. and great caro was taken of me because some of my relatives had died Of consumption. although my fali;er end mother were healthy. 1 grew up with only the or dinary diseases of all children. but about two years ago l contracted severe cold. which would not yield to such home-treat- mcnt as wes handy Doctors were tried, but after three nionihs of this treatment l was only worse. Then l was advised to try Dr. Pierce's Golden Medical Discovery. and am glad to say that three bottles not only cured mo Of the cold and cough, but made me feei better than eyer had before. l rill always have bottle of this medicine in the house Ns1Nexcsa These tiny. sggar-cested ana1 asd
 NeWeNs invieprafe Ste mach. Liyef ann aiail habit" but cure constipation. One or two each day for laxative and Tegniator, tniee e or four for an active cAthartic, Once tired always in favor. Put up in yials: always fresh and re1iab1A
The Birmingham age-herald., 1905-12-14

who pledged themselves to fight to the last drop of blood to secure the down. fall of imperial rule. an eight hour work day and d division of the lands to the peasants.
 Warsaw, Russian Poland, December 13.- Two prominent men of Odessa have de- clared their readiness to take a formal oath that General Kaulbars, governor general of Odessa, said on October 19 that all the Jews in Odessa must be massacred.
 The trains to the Austrian frontier re- booked full ten days ahead.
 The police of the first district of this city have struck and the authorities have been ordered to arrest eleven of the lead CTS. They are confined to their barracks.
 Boston, December 13.-Leon Jacob Sioro- tin an educated Russian Jew of Odessa, who has arrived here from Russia, says that 15,0O0 Jews were killed in three days with most terrible mutilation and torture. Cossacks and police aided the mobs in their deadly work and men. women and children were among the victims.
 Sosnovic, Russian Poland, December 13- Oscar Sehoen, a German landowner of great spinning mill here. was shot and killed by an unknown person during the night He had been fight the terrorist committee, which condemned Schoen to death for asking the authorities for mill tary protection against the strikers.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1905-12-14
SEPARATE FROM
 RUSSIAN EMPIRE Provisional Government is Set
 Up in Livonia TROOPS HAVE GONE OVER Contracts Between Peasants and Land Owners Have Been Annulled-Ex- polling Russian Officials
 From Provinces.

St. Petersburg, Tuesday, December 12 IEvening via Helsingfors and Berlin, De- cember 1s)--Two messengers who arrived here from Riga today. having walked about 130 miles to catch a train at Flock, not only confirm the report that a pro Livonia, but they say that many of the troops have gone over to the insurrec- tionists.
 Dvina Fort, commanding Riga harbor, is in their possession, and the governor and other Russian officials are prisoners. The messengers add that the provisional government exercises authority through out Livonia and part of Courtland.
 The new government has declared the separation of the Lithunian people from the Russian empire. They have chosen local officials and have decreed the clos ing of the spirit shops and breweries. and the annullment of contracts between the peasants and landowners. There Is a general uprising of the native peasants, who are travelling in armed bands at tacking the estates and driving off or kill ing their owners.
 Some of the landowners have organized volunteer battalions to protect their prop erty as the authorities are powerless to afford aid, but the majority are fleeing in terror The peasants forbid the owners to sell grain or lumber, and formally declare that the forests and estates of those who have departed will be confiscated. The po- sition of the peasants in these provinces has been the most deplorable of any n the entire empire. Conditions almost ap- preaching those of the feudal system have been continued down to the present time. and practically have kept the peasants in g. state of vassalage, placing them at the mercy of the German barons from whom they rent land, and purchase the right to cut wood and fish in the waters of the gulf.
 The Russian officials are being expelled from the provinces, and many of them