The Cairo bulletin., 1905-07-10
THE FUNNY FORECASTER
Gets or Some Good Ones About the
Month of Juiy-5liss Monthly
Package.

has won for himself an almost ma
tional reputation, has an unusually
good one for July. A copy Of his fore
cast has just reached The Bulletin
aud although a little beiated is wen
worth publishing. Here it is:
July. the seventh month of the year,
always comes in hot weather This
lis TO give the girls an opportunity 20
wear their peek-a-boo waists and open
work stockings TO the celebration
where fires of liberty are relighted
and the young law student reads the
Declaration of independence from
platform supported by beer kegs. Il
has been l29 years since our patriot
forefathers penned thai immortal doc
ument Little did they think when
they signed ii that the United States
was destined to be one of the greatest
nations on earth and that in little
over a century and a quarter it would
have eighty million people within its
borders. including Carrie Nation. all
whooping for liberty All my fiends,
this nation is no SLOUGH Many of the
| signers of the Declaration of indie
pendence didn't know a defective
verb from a. dog button They lit
their pipes with flint and drank wa
ter out of a gourd. They ate pie with
a knife and would have spit on the
| sidewalk ii there had been one to spit
en-, but they took their lives in their
hands in order that their children's
children might enjoy the blessings of
liberty and run for office and have
their legs pulled under their own vine
and fig tree WE can never honor
| their memories too much and if they
were here today we would gladly set
up the ice cream soda and explode a
cannon cracker in their honor.
/ Sometimes when We view the raw
| ages Of the San Jose scale and the
| eoddling moth and the oat louse ana
| the curculio and the OIL trust and the
misplaced switch and the packers
combine and the cyclone, and when in
| The watches of the night we feel the
bite Of the blithesame he'd bug as Il
| tastes our frame in the darkness, we
feel that perhaps the Goddess of Lib
arty made mistake when she kicked
over the dash board in 177G Then
again we see our glorious nation in
The heyday and fizz OF its existence
lwhen we fix our eyes upon Teddy ant
watch him bust the trusts as one
| would crack tick between the thumb
laails, we are glad Patrick Henry stoot
IN his dew claws and shed his sus
penders buttons as he said war /.
inevitable, | repeat il, sir, let it come
We are glad our patriot fathers knock
| M the moss agate diadem from the
| crown Of King George III and gave u!
a government where we can cuss tbs
| administration and make faces at thu
president with none to modest or make
rs afraid. II it hadn't been for then
We would have no Fourth of July ant
he lid would not be raised once TIL,
whole summer through
| July is the only trying month q
the year for the country housewife
| The smoke house is empty, the lar,
| s all gone, the oats must be cut, ha,
| harvest is on spring chickens are higl
he old hens are tough. and the hand
| Ill complain that they can't &c
enough The ants in the pantry climI
IMP on the shelves, get into the jell,
ind all help themselves. The file
QUIZ around and get into the meat
and the poor little baby breaks on
with the heat A green apple gorg
gives Johnny pain and he hoIler
Ill night and just raises Cain. and tn,
Door tired mother who rests from he
oil, must get out OF bed and dose hin
With oil.
But the women Of fashion are at TIL
sea side, with nothing much on t,
cover their hide, and they sport viii
the waves and sport with the dudes
disgusting the men and shocking tn
prudes. One good. country house wife
AZ home and at work. who never a,
fempts her duties to shirk, is wort
The whole tribe for there is no doub
y It wasn't for her the race would rW
out
The fashionable society woma
whose time Is wholly taken up wit
social functions is about the most use
ess, Improbable and worthless pes
( lpon the face of Gods busy eartf
( The woman who thinks il Is vulgar t
, lraise children, the woman who dance
! al night and sleeps all day, the veal
empty headed butterfly OF fashio
whose only mission is to dress an
dirt and dance, is worse menace {
! humanity than the pestiIence.
This month will be both hot an
I dry unless there's lots of rain. tn
! pesky insects. too, viii try to eat Il
the grain The bugs will eat tn
9 farmers grass, the moths will get N
honey, while Sears and Robuck. an
! that class, will get the farmers none,
y -s------- ----------------..