Evening journal., 1905-04-14
The Stupid Recruit


az 1862 tall, mnk. green looking man
entered one OF the camps Of the Con
federate General Johnston at Nash
Vile, Tenn. and said he would like to
join the regiment" He was turned
over to a drill sergeant. with instruc-
tions to try to make a soldier of him.
The Confederates were never con
spicuous for soldierIy appearance; in
deed they were best noted as fighters.
Yet Notwithstanding the want OF atten-
ton to the army regulations the recruit
at once became noted for being the
most unsOldierly man among them.
The bump of discipline seemed to be
hollow In his head. He was constantly
wandering from his command and
spending long terms IN the guardhouse
for doing so. Though the sergeant
spent hours drilling him. the recruit
could never learn the difference be-
tween carry" and shoulder arms.
At least II he did he was sure TO forget
It the next day. On post he was con
tlnually making blunders He was the
butt Of his regiment and the subject
for innumerable tricks.
one morning he appeared Mt his colo
nel's tent and told him that he had
been appointed spokesman for the en-
| listed men OF his regiment TO say that
/ they desired 10 be led at once against
! the enemy. The colonel looked at the
man. astonished, then quietly wrote a
note, gave It to him and told him to
/ take It to the regimental surgeon. The
surgeon after reading 1t examined the
bearer for his sanity. but sent him
back with a paper stating that he was
! perfectly sane. though stupid
The recruit next appeared at general
headquarters ana reported for order
/ ly." II was never known whether tliis
was by mistake or for n Joke, but the
adjutant who made the detail was sent
back to his company for doing So The
recruit attracted the attention Of the
staff for his awkwardness and when
the generals tent was vacant blum
dered into it and was caught reading
the generals papers. lie was sent
back 10 HIS colonel under guard. with
report Of his conduct. whereupon
the colonel, after considering the pro
priety of ordering him before a court
martial, decided 10 recommend his dis
charge on the ground that II would be
for the good Of the service. But the
Confederacy at that time not belng
overburdened with powder food, III,
general commanding declined TO gram
the discharge on the ground that II th'
man was a fool he should be placed II
the front rank. where the army nigh
get rid of him 10 a purpose.
One night when the recruit was OF
outpost. duty a shot was heard cominl
from where he was stationed. and HI
came running in, crying: "The Yanla
air comm! Tie Yanks air comin'r
The long roll was beaten. and the com
mand turned out, forming in line O
battle. But no enemy came. Afte
waiting the attack for some time skir
mishers were thrown out and founC
the body of the major. who had beeI
officer of the day visiting the plckets
He had been shot through the head
The men were sent back 20 their tents
and the recruit was sent up unde
guard TO the general. After considera
bic questioning the general sent hin
back to his regiment under care of NJ
aid. The colonel was directed eithe
to have the stupid ass shot 'by mis-
take" or connive at his desertion.
The colonel chose the latter course
He called the recruit into his tent an
told him he had decided to have hin
shot at sunrise the next morning. The
he sent him to his regiment with or
= ders to his colonel TO place him wher
he could escape during the night
o That was the last seen OF the stupl
4 recruit in that army. When the su
rose In the morning he was far away
The officer Of the day reported the e'
J. cape to the colonel, who received
with great satisfaction and at once r,
4 ported il to the general, who was d,
!. lighted at the wise course he had pui
+ sued. lie sent back a congratulate
!. on getting rid Of man so stupid tha
n he didn't know a friend from an en-,
= my But the officer most relieved wa
\ the captain OF the company to whlc
the recruit belonged.
4 Early in April Of that year the battl
o of Shiloh was fought. and among tn
n prisoners taken by the Union force
. WIS this very captain. One of the me
n who marched him In stepped up aloni
side Of him and said
s cap, yo' don't remember me-"
o "Great heavens, the stupid recruitr
s 'Not so stupid as yo' all suppose,
/ Yo' WAS very patient with me. car
n while I was under your command, al
hope 20 do somep'n for yo'."
Later the stupid recruit visited n
captain and made him open his eye
still wider by the following explain,
tion:
"Yo' see. yo'r major and ! was bot
Ie east Tennesseeans. whar the Unionisi
e. and Confederates hated each other llk
ID pzen. Once when ] came home frol
'el Knoxville / found my home burned
is the ground My wife and only chill
e was turned out in winters night, an
both died from exposure. The man th'
~ did the job was your major kne'
d all about him, but he'd never seen m
He afterward Joined the Confederat
ID the Union army. I bein' south
st man, the general. thinkin' I'd paI
ID we'll down thar. sent me south 70 4
formation l. run across the major an
is got even with him When 20 go baC
~ tell the general ef he missed any p
,d pers he'll find 'em in the adjutant ee
10 erals Office of our army"