St. Tammany farmer., 1905-09-23

We better sell our stock In the canal
and buy airship stock. And talk about
business, there is more. tonnage goes
through the 500 canal, between Mich
lgan and Canada, than goes through
the Suez, and we don't howl about il
very much.
Well, sir, | have studied Gibraltar
IN my geography, and read about il
IN the papers, and seen its pictures in
advertisements. but never realized
what q big thing it was. Now. who
ever Thought of putting that enormous
rock right there on that prairie, but
God. I suppose the English, when they
saw that rock, thought the good Lord
had put it there. for the English to
drill holes in, for guns, and when the
Lord was busy somewhere else the
English smouged the rock away from
Spain, by playing game with loaded
dice, and when England got it, that
country decided to arm it like a train
,robber, and hold up the other nations
Of the earth.
When = vessel passes that rock ii
has to hold up it's hands and salute
the British flag, or get a mess of hard
ware firej into its vital parts, but that
is all 1t amounts to, cause 1t couldn't
win any battle for England, and could
only sink trading vessels ,rhe walls
OF the rock are perforated from top
to bottom, with holes big enough for
guns to squirt smoke and shells, but
il the enemy should stay away from
right in front of the holes, they might
shoot till doomsday, and never hit
anything but fishing smacks 5,nd ped
dlers of oranges.
Gibraltar is like q white elephant in
a geological garden. It jus. eats, and
keeps OF flies with its short tail, and
visitors feed it peanuts, and wonder
what it was made for, and how much
hay It eats. Gibraltar is like q $40
gold piece that man carries in his
watch pocket for an emergency, which
he never intends to spend until he gets
in the tightest place in his life, and
1T wears cut one pocket after another,
and some day drops through on the
sidewalk, and a tramp finds 1t and
goes on bat and gets the worth of
his money, and has good time, If he
saves enough to buy bromo-seltzer
the next morning after. 1t is like the
Russian war chest, that is never to
be opened as long as they can borrow
money.
II Gibraltar could be put on castors
and rolled around from one country
to another, England could whip all Eu-
rope and Asia. It would be Trojan
horse on larger scale, and be q ter
rOr, but, say, II It got to America,
we wouldn't do thing to it. We
would run a standpipe up the side, and
connect it with an oil pipe line, fiji
Gibraltar's tunnels and avenues. and
magazines and barracks with crude oil,
and touch match to it, and not an
Englishman would live to tell about it.
Gee. but / would be sorry for the
Irish soldiers, but / guess they
wouldn't be there, cause they wouldn't
fight America.
Well, ii England ever has big war,
and she gets chesty about Gibraltar,
and says 1t is impregnable, and de-
fies the world to take it, bet you ten
dollars it could be taken in "a hours.
II was a general, or an admiral,
would have about 40 tank steamers,
loaded with kerosene, and have them
land, innocent like, right up beside
Gibraltar, ostensibly to sell Oil for
perfumery to the natives, who would
III be improved by using kerosene on
their persons. Then I would get on
a barrel, on deck OF my flagship, and
command the English general to sur
render Internationally, and IL he re-