The semi-weekly messenger. [volume] (Wilmington, N.C.) 1897-1908, 1905-06-09
JACK SMITHS RIDE ON 4 COAT
A Rear Attack Viewed by Jolly Pick
nickers.
The CnreasOnableness of the Victim.
Sila Ford's Essay on the Meanness
of Poiitics-Frederick Glass Ecape
Rum Creeters is Women

For The Messenger.
| was lOafing in Jack Smiths store
the other day, and | made him as mad
as a hornet by telling on him a story
Of what happened to him a good many
years z not long after he got mar
ried. But it is a true bill, for all that.
l never met a queerer fellow than
Smith. He is always taking it into
his head to do things that nobody else
in the world would ever dream of do
ing; and consequently he is always in
scrapes and overwhelmed with trou-
bic, as solemn as an owl all the time,
while other people are splitting with
laughter, and convinced that lie was
right through all.
Once there was a big picnic at d
large fish-pOnd in the western part of
Cumberland county, attended by sew
eral married people, and among them
were Jack Smith and his wife. The
place selected for spreading the Inner
was Il beautifully shaded spot along
side IL generous spring, approached on
one side by Il very steep, thlckly
SroWn hill descending from the rear
Of the stable lot of Il large farm
house nearby. About = o'clock, when
the folks had gathered ut the spring
for dinner, and while the girls We're
laying out and arranging the proven
der of the baskets, lack Smith strolled
W to the stable yard to see what mis-
chief he could get intO--and he found
out.
Standing in front of the cOW-hOuse
was an immense black II white goat,
which the children had raised from d
kid bat which had become a holy ter
rOr. He was as tame as Il cat, and
would let the children bridl him and
drive him, but they fought shy of him
when he shook his shaggy, wicked
cid head. He had a bride on him
then, with two of the BOYS standing
near, and the crazy notion popped into
Smiths head to take Il goat ride. The
older boys eyes snapped when Smith
announced his equestrian ambition, Tor
be knew that, whatever might become
Ct Smith, he and the goat would see
some fun. Smith patted the goat,
gathered up the reinS, the animal
standing like Il marble statue, ana
leaped on its back.
For the next two or three minut
he did not have time to think Of get
ting off, or of regretting that he had
GOT on. The goat shot through the sta
bic gate, buCking like Il Mexican bron-
chO at every step, and went like a cy-
clone down the hill, crashing through
Eriars and gall-berries, over the PIC
ric boxes and baskets, The p1cnlckers
rolling in every direction out oil the
path, took a flying leap over the
branch, where he deposited his rider,
C.,;+b rnt S1nyVlN tn MS
feet. so COMPOUNDED and daZed that he
did not seem to know where he was,
and stood, up to his knees in water,
stari, o str1pidly at the crowd; who, in
their turn, were gazing at hin IN
amaZement. Suddenly into the face
of his wife, Who had almost shaken
herself to pieces, came an expression
of horror, with another OF
laughter. as she family cried: LOOK
outr' ''What?" yelled Smith, putting
his hands on his knees and DendlhS
fOrward-and just then the goat, on
the return trip, took him In the rear
and landed him head foremost IN the
brook again.
And now see the unreasOnableness OF
lack Smith. OUT he clustered 10 Ills
wife, when he picked himself up, get
water and sand out of his mouth ana
nose. and limped up to the crowd;
What did. YOU holler loo u for
II Won had hollered look behind L
might have got out of the way OF the
darned thing!' But she, pooi woman
was past making any defense; ike Tue
rest. she had laughed herself almost
into fits.
SiEas Ford was another of my old
c~ronies. very different III character
from Jack Smith, but very muCh IKE
him in his bOundleSS capacity 1of get
ting into scrapeS and covering nlh'-
self with humiliation and lSnoininS-
used especially to like to neal Sllds
p~hilosophize. for he was il Sood ueal %
q wiseacre; and | have frequently
tLounh+ of the views he laid down one
day, lust after a heated political cam-
paign.
ITS when al man gets into politics.
Silas Ford Observed, that the mean
ness breaks out on HIM thlckerh
chicken-pox or nettle-rash. My father
was an industrious carpenter, that
Narn't never Idle when he could nelp
it. and took care of his family. You
wouldn't find many c0m1ortapler
homes than ours, for people III our
spear of life. When work was Slack
and father went to the grocery Sa1ur-
day night. and said: Mr.. White, L
can't quite pay up my account TINS
evenin', and l reckon I'll have to draw
in on next weeks purvishuns, MI.
White d say: That's all right, MI.
Ford; you pay just what's
and don't go to skimpin' yourself n
family in eatables, nuther. l know
you'll pay if you live; and if you Ole
I'd be so sorry l won't care about the
money
well, in a dark and evil hour the
Democrats INFUSED father to u for
town constable, telling him that he
could make $75 or 500 a year clear,
.thout interfering with his work.
Father wanted the money, SO he run,