New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1905-04-01

They know how to write leaders in Johnson
County, Wyo. There's a human insect over at
Lander" says THE Buffalo Voice" that should
be branded with the stigma of traitor, coward and
migrate, taken by the and led to the outskirts
Of the city, and then kicked so high that he would
never again light Wyoming soil, but. waited by
a gentle breeze. would finally hutter down in hades
where he properly belongs" Out in Wyoming an
editor pulls his six-shooting pen and shoots up an
editorial page on the slightest provocatioR-
CAUTIOUS UNCLE ST.
You'll never ketch old Uncle ST:
I've seen n lot o fellers try
An find out their mistake.
Nlsh his opinion ne amt free'
vi II 6 sSGa ,,I thing g, hes , get; ,,.n,
1t is--an' mebbe not"
He don't allow that he'll commit
Himself TO no extent
On things NEST people would admit
He winks when YOU start In to quiz
An W tRen he as sa2s: sebb SAINTS it is;
An then-Inebbe 1t amt"
Asst him If one an one makes two.
Or whether black is white.
If daylight comes when night Is through
II dogs an cats will fight;
Asst him If water downhil,
And he'll ohirp 1' up: me iMeb bel it WILL
-(Chicago News
The Albany (Ore.) papers relate a triumph Of
muscular Christianity. A farmer received a choice
from the express wagon the box dropped and the
animal got out. The farmer jumped top of him.
but the hog tipped him off and fed under a car at
the station. desperate chase was in progress.
when the Rev. Mr.. Wright, OF the Methodist Epis-
copal Church South a former Arizona cowboy. was
given rope, and, with slight twist of the wrist
and flop of the arms, the hog was in a moose and
safe.
Ostend-Pa. what's an Internal machine?
Pa-Why, a phon0graph running after midnight
my son-Chcago News
Leaning painfully on a heavy stick. and groaning
In intoerable anguish. the binding tears forcing
themselves from his eyes, WhiteehapeI defend
ant, according to THE London Globe, limped up
to the County Court judge and explained that.
owing to being hopelessy crippled by rheumatism.
he could not pay debt. But 1 saw you enter
the court with that stick under your arm!" ex
claimed the judge. Two shiings month"; Then
the pain racked invalid threw the stick lightly
his shoulder, thanked the bench. and tripped gayIy
into the street again. 1t was a one-minute cure.
Justly -Polieeman-Fan back therel
Boy. CscornfulIy)-G'wan. Dye tnk were Roosh-
ians?'-( puck.
A tramp applied at an Atchison home. says The
Globe" for breakfast. Lady" said he, Il am the
owner of three good oil wells at Chanute. but
Rockefeller refuses to buy my oil and I am COM
PEELED to ask you for hand-out."
Ready Made.-AIiss GIade-Why did you choose
bald headed for your second husband2
Mrs. Blade-Because my first husband always
insisted that I worried him bald headed and this
time l wanted 10 escape being blamed.-(Detroit
Free Press.
Preparations are being made in York. Penn. for
the manufacture of an improvement in hypaper
which, 1t is thought will FL a long felt want. In
this the corners Of the sheet scored so that
they may be interocked and in this manner pan
is formed which viii prevent much of the mischief
which the old form OF fiypaper is largely famous
for. For instance. il the paper blows from its
place the table window ledge and falls on
the floor the sticky side cannot in contact
with tho carpet or furniture which 1t may fall.
LADY DAY. MARCH Is
II those gray eyes be windows OF thy soul.
Let me look in and
II there be room for me.
And no usurper hath my lodging stole.
ITO let, to single gentemen-a heart"
That face demurely bent
Is sweet advertisement
That nature furnished thee as wen as art
Let me thy tenant be, as is most Mt;
Kisses in rent I'll pay.
And welcome quarter day
We shall not quarrel and ne'er shall quit.
-(Punch-
short time ago some men were engaged In
putting up telegraph poles some land belonging
to an old farmer. who disliked seeing his wheat
tramped down. according to the yeracious Regis
ter" Of Great Bend. Kan The men produced
paper by which they said they had leave to put
the poles where they pleased. The old farmer went
back and turned large bun in the field. The
savage beast made after the men. and the old
farmer. seeing them running from the field. shout
ed at tho top Of his voice: SHOW him the paper!
Show him the paper"
Sometimes" said Uncle Eben. de man dat keeps
braggin' bout how honest he Is sounds like he
was tTyin TO hor up his courage an keep fom
9acESudino '-dW 08niuEIOu star