Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1905-04-14
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The coal man should be brought to
see the error Of his ,weighs.-Philadel-
phia Record.
Does Mr.. Reuben Haybrick keep
HE takes 'em, but he
don't keep 'em."-Chicago Chronicle.
Ena-He comes of good family.
doesn't he? Stella-Yes, he's the only
thing know against it-Town
Topics.
Johnay-Pa, Is it wrong to steal
from 4 trust? Johnny's Pa-Don't let
the question bother you. my son. It's
mpossible.-Clevelan Ledger
Gourmand latter a table d'hote)--
else, waiter? Waiter-One
more peach, sir. and you'll ave eat
the menu.-London Bystandsr.
"Dey amt no sdch thing o. gittln'
married in heaven" Course dey aln't.
Don't de Bible tell you it's place er
peace en- rest?-Atlanta Constitution.
Mrs. Hatterson-I didn't see you at
the lecture on 1.-The Simple Life" Mrs.
Cuttsrson-Why. no; had no idea it
was going to be such a swell affair."
Brooklyn Life.
Wife-It is so kind of you to put on
my boots for me. Kneeling Husband
Guggins awayeIt's a-a-pleasure,
my dear. Still, I'm glad you're not
centipede.
Miss Riter-Could you use anything
In your Household Department" tn s
week? Country Editor-Yes, we could
handle a couple of dozen of fresh eggs
nicely.-New York Times.
what conclusion does that cam
paign orator reach in his argument?"
"He never arrives at conclusion.
He merely stops now and then to take
Observation-Disclosures Star.
Wilne-Teacher told us to-day that
there's certain kind O. tree that
grows out O. rocks. can't remember
what it was. His Pats a family
tree, guess Philadelphia Ledger.
The Irish lady declared to the mag
lstrate that the defendant had stolen
|
your hen" asked the Judge. "Know
itp' cried the irate lady. Il have
known that hen ever since it was an
egg"
You probably don't remember me,
began the self-made man proudly.
''but twenty years ago. when 1 was a
poor, humble boy, you gave me a
message to carry" ''Yes, yes,''
cried the busy man. where's the
answer"
You are the first one to whom !
have shown this poem," the young
poet went on; II was wooing the muse
last night" Poor fellowr' replie,1
the editor, handing back the manu-
script. Its too bad she rejected you.'
Chicago Journal.
Hicks-How do you happen to be
going fishing on Friday? l thought
you believed Friday was an unlucky
day. Wicks-Well, I always have
But it occurred to me this. morning
that perhaps it would be unlucky fol
the fsh.-Soinerville Journal.
I'm afraid you're not wise," said
the fair girl. "Why?" demanded the
persistent suitor. Because a word tt
the wise is SUFFICIENT and have sale
Nor to you" "Yes, but I'm wiss
enough to know that woman's No
may eventually mean yes '"-Phila
delph1A Press.
At the end of thirty years Hiram
had accumulated a fortune. His wifi
and daughter were delighted. For,
said they, with becoming modesy, wv,
now not only have money enough t,
cut a splurge, but poor dear papa il
too broken down to appear among tn
best people. Life.
Its SO long since you last calle'
upon me was beginning to think yo1
were forgetting me-" said Miss Pechis
as she came down to the young ma,
in the parlor. ''I'm for getting you,
replied the ardent youth, "and it's TO
getting you that I've called tonight
Can I have you uY'-Kennebec Journa
The passenger who had been hoIdin
himself up by strap sat down in
seat that had just been vacated
There is plenty Of room, ma'am,"
said to the pudgy, little matron sittin
next. Don't move" "We don't hav
to-" she said, with a cheerful smile
I'VE own the house we live in."-Ch
cago Tribune.
, ''I tell ye what" asserted Old Ma
Spiggets, that there painter Teller
a fine artist" What impressed 70
about his work." "Well, ther' was
pictur he called The Rainstorm.' al
l swan, it was that nat'ral that
! hadn't looked at it three minutes b,
J fore my corns begin hurtin' me-
Cleveland Leader.
Prosperity said DR.. Slighcem, tt
f! eminent surgeon. There is altogetht
too much prosperity! 1t is killing bus
/ ness" "In what way?' asked tt
: other. "Why, sir, almost anybod
: can afford to have appendicitis now;
: days, and, in consequence, all Of n
host natients regard 1t as too commo