The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1905-03-15
With the Long Roau.
F we had our way, the battleship Minnesota would
christened with pint of peaceful milk
-"az. astal,'s wslk... shoot feny .,

F we had our way the batteshp Minnesota would be
christened with pint Of peaceful milk.
The Chicago journal is giving asute rules for de-
Tense Should YOU be danger of violence from fat
as rshes you, slap him squarely in the face with
cstard pie This will stop fat man every time but it's
ralinous the pie. --5
oh that the bluebirds would only from the
southland Our little boy is just pinng to shoot some OF
them. 49, .S*s
1t has come that General Plug, whose sounds
like the stopper blown of the hard cider jug, is pris
in Japan. = ,,...,. .--..... ;
Philadelphia pastors and people still praying for
their mayor It is much easier to elect good than
it is to change his mind after he has been elected.
.....
Astute it'ry critics the New York Evening Post in
innate that General Lew Wallace's Ben Hur is Penny
Dreadful that has taken night school at the Y
NJ c. A. We take off hat to novel that has made
100000 without causing its author to perspire 90
An obigng friend loaned his the other day.
Certainly the taking of pictures should be simple thing
All that it to d. to the careless
observer to point the at the object and pull the
belcod for go ahead of photography like this
is the product Of immature thought You have to learn
things. with in his hands for the first time
finds that he is moving about in worlds not realized
So took the box back the oblgng friend and asked
him to explain He gave forth the interior contents OF two
of scientific encyclopedias and sad 'You see? The
result mind cropping and laden with eight values
and "exposure tables' So he up and took one
us while watched.
First you locate your object This DONE you study its
light values and anchor your machine Then you take the
latitude and longitude norh SOUTH east and west OF Green
WITCH and make absruse calculation the back of
old envelope This DONE you pull the anchor and move
the twenty to the left Then with these figures
in mind you get out quadrant and take the altitude OF the
Then noting the time of day, you the
four feet and eight inches back ThenEou EThere and
o1J
are yet Getting the table of logarthms
you calculate the ecpc divide by four and take the cube
root Of the remainder With this guide you begin
the of the exposure tables After this is done ask
if he is about ready to take the picture The
smiles in plying superiority at your No, indeed
It is this point that the machine throws and
slips the velocity cog 1t to take 1t apart
blow in and put together again. Then by comic sections
and the higher calculus you figure out the dew point and
work the saturaton table till it smokes Them having set
the speed Indicator and pulled the watch invite the
landscape to look pleasant please and the bulb pull
the becord whistle twice for crossing and down the
grade with sparks flying from every Wheel And then you
do know for afterwards whether you have taken
picture impression. .
Before Uncle George put on the skates he had all
worked out theory how the thing to do to carry
roller skate each hand that when you fell you would
simply glide right along all fours until you could regain
footing and neither interfere with the crowd nor
with your pleasure After Uncle George had tried this
method once he heard singing softly to himself the
hymn tune:
''Theores which thousands cherish .
r.. Pass like clouds that dot the sky''
The trouble with the theory that uncle didnt fall
in that direction After trial. the theory modified and
the hands left free but the skates strapped around
the waist, with the rollers the north side. Uncle
went the floor with confidence. After painful
Gle around the floor
"Whish, zip!!" Uncles skates had gone suddenly to
the SOUTH leaving uncle behind But here the theory worked
He lit the extra pair like rhnoceros taking FIVE
nt1npt Tod
skating its apex, uncle shot the floor into
the crowd like runaway furniture icy asphalt
Here the management nterfered and uncle
wears his skates like the rest pain Of expulsion