The Roswell daily record. [volume] (Roswell, N.M.) 1903-current, 1905-02-04
PunsterS' Paradise
rOriginal.l

! have staggered through life am at q
loss to know. The surname Pretty
man is enough in itself for one person
to bear. but when prefixed by Dawes
Deering-the name of my mothers
brother-it is next to unbearable. How
ever. l can say what few can say-my
name has been the rudder which has
steered my life's bark.
What at first called my attention to
the incubus under which l was des-
tined to stagger were the puns I en-
dured in childhood. l was told at
least once a week that II l made as
pretty a man as boy l would be an
Adonis. When I came to an age to be
an object of interest to young girls
punning on my name burst into a
flame. In one year, having mad a
note of the different puns thrown at
me. l ounted twenty of There a
dear ring to it, tw~enty-four. It's a
very endearing name eighteen, TN
wear my heart upon my sleeve for
DAVIS to peck att while the different
puns on Prettyman numbered fifty
six.
1t was this part of my name that
decided my career. Prom my youth l
realized that I could not afford to EN-
brace an ordinary. especially an eff
Terminate. career. For instance. it
would never do for me to stand behind
a counter and sell ribbons TO ladies'. l
was trying to think of some occupa-
ton especially manly the Span
tsh-American war broke out Here was
my opportunity. | enlisted and went
with my regiment to Santiago.
After the first fight was made a
corporal, but was at once reduced to
the ranks to enable the captain to
pun on my name. He'd make a pref
ty man for a corporal" he said d
ically. Nominate some one else" But
In the next fight ali the mon CONS"
were killed off. and | was again put
forward. This time my name saved
me. The captain had been killed. and
the first lieutenant promo teD recon-
mended me for lieutenant in order to
get a pun off to the colonel.
Whom would you recommend ask
ed that officer.
Il think know a pretty good man,
colonel" replied the captain
We'll. who is itT"
Dawes Deering Prettyman." replied
the captain. looking very knowing.
In n few minutes the colonel saw the
point. burst into q laugh and said: 'R-.
Jove. but you're bright! I'll see that
be is appointed"
One night / was sent for to report in
person to tie colonel. He told me that
the general had asked him to recon
mend the best man in his regiment for
an important daring service. He had
decided on re and I knew that 1t was
to enable him TO get the captains pun
off on the cneraI. He sent me to bri-
gade headquarters with a note. When
the general read it. he burst into Il
laugh.
We'll, Mr.. Prettyman,' he said, eth
colonel says hat you may not be his
best man. but you're a pretty man. AMI
he thinks you'll make a pretty good
man. Bright man. your colonel"
l made no reply--aloud. but ground
my teeth and said inwardly. "Iu do
something to stop this business or die"
The same night | went into the enc
my's lines. found a path by which we
might get to the base OF a fortified hill
we wanted and returned to the gen
eral with my eport.
General" | said. "as a reward for
my service. which is without the line
of duty-that is. voluntary claim the
right to command the force of which l
must be the guide to the rear of the
hill"
He thought a moment, then his face
lighted up. Selling a pen. he wrote Il
note to the general commanding. stat
ing my claim. my reasons. and recon-
mending me cordially. ending with the
words. He's the prettiest man in the
division for the work" After reading
his note over three times. chuckling ev-
cry time. he handed 1t to me and old
me to take it to the general in chief.
The general In chief was too intent on
the work to be lone to remark upon
the pun. and 1 congratulated myself
that this time l would escape. was
doomed to disappointment.
At 2 O'Clock in the morning led a
battalion around by the path I had dis
covered. attacked the hill in rear-an
attack in their front being made at the
sound of my guns-and carried the fort.
l was commended in orders by tn"
commander in chief, who ended his
commentator as follows:
Lieutenant Prettyman is not only Pref
lyman. but a pretty brave man, and has
done a pretty good work for his country.
By this time 1 had got ahead Of my
name. or. rather. that desire to be con
sfdered witty which overpOwered my
superiors. and WAS rapidly promoted
from one grade to another. When We
returned to the United States I COM
handed my regiment.
But all the sunertngs from my pecul-
lar name l ndured in Cuba were des-
tined to be atoned for in one sweeping
revenge. The general who had recon
mended me as fitted to command the
attack on the fort we captured upon
reaching home, In order to get of his
favorite u insisted on introducing
me to his family. he did SO. flourish
ing he pun with great guste. His
daughter took II into her head to fall
In InHa nth ma and In AfHn nOf ALAN,