The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1905-01-01
His Reflections Of the New Year.


1T am closed. sub. - returned the boy
meekIy. and with no more resentment
in the tone of his voice than if the
Knockers complaint was justified
Then why the deuce don't you open
it?" roared the KnocSer. DO you
want US TO suffocate in here?'
Simian. as he was called proceeded
at once 10 open the window as he was
ordered.
Not that one. YOU idiot" said the
Knocker. DO YOU want 10 give me
pneumonia >"
"Diss is de on'y window i'm de room.
suh." protested Simian.
Then pull it down from the top"
retorted the KnoCkeT.
-Dass de way 1 has it, subj" said
the boy.
Then do show a little intelligence
and open it from the bottom grOWled
the Knocker. and get out OF here II
you can't learn not TO answer back III
report you TO the house committee ana
have YOU bounced"
The boy turned silently away
Why the deuce don't you speak
when you're spoken to-" rOared the
KnOcker after him-but Simian had
left the room .'Pah." continued the
Knocker. turning 10 the papers on the
table. If there is anything 1 hate its
a surly servant.
A peal Of laughter from the royster-
ing Growers upstairs interrupted his
Rotten noisy gang" growled the
knOcker- Pretending TO have a good
time just because the old year is dying.
Huh, Wait until tomorrow. boys
when the glad New Year has come
you'll be wishing you hadn't been SO
( happy tonight. Fine splitting head
aches, you'll be gToaning over by noon
] tomorrow. The hOt-toWel industry viii
! flourish on the glad morrow, I'll wager
I PiSh, What fools men are to drink
d har-R 1f~nrr TrafrF saE rraf ,,
! frappe and be quick about il. you snail.
/ I want TO get the taste of that whisky
I out of my mouth"
Good evening KnOcSer. my boy"
observed Mr. .Redface. putting his Smii-
/ ing rubicund cOuntenance in at the
door.
rs it?' said the Knocker What's
/ good about it? Best thing can see
/ about it is that it's nearly over"
| "Oh, come off, knOckeT.' said Red
/ face. stop knocking just for once
and join in the fun"
'Fun?" retorted the Knocker- Fun ,
! Do you think it's fun raising merry
/ HadeS all night, smoking your head
! off and drinking another head On?'
! But tOmOrrOw's New Years day.
man" protested Mr.. Redface. Simian
! hang that boy. l wonder If he's gone
/ 10 France for that absinJne. No, sir
/ There's nothing in this New Years
| registering fer "A thoughtful man. A
year ago you were doing this same rot
/ ten stunt because 1904 was about to
/ swoop down on you and bring you all
happiness. and now you're raising the
/ deuce of a racket because 1905 IS on
deck You're 50 damnably inconsist-
( ent- Every blessed New Years YOU
| think at last the millennium has come
instead of another year OF trouble and
disaster. Don't you fellows ever learn
! anything? For my part, I didn see
1 anything TO rejoice over New Year
day, 1904. and I'm bleSt if I can see any
! reason for being glad now. The winter
isn't going TO be any warmer or the
| summer any cooler for the poor than
! they were last year The coming
! twelve months will run through the
same old humdTum course OF misery
and woe that has marked the progress
of the past twelve, tWenty-fOuT- or
twelve hundred months Babies Will be
born to suffer mUmps and measles and
| WhOoping cough and to yell all night
| for the moon just as they did in 1SOo-
| Husbands and wives who love eacn
other madly now, next spring VIII De
consulting counsel and drawing up pa
peTS for separation in just the same
[ QuarrelSome old way as before. ALI
mony will be just as hard TO pay next
year as this. Thousands Of today in
nocent people viii be jailed for crime
and guilty of il. too-before you fellows
are six months older. I'll bet you that
| with all the prosperity you are predict
ing now for this glad 1903. the Judg-
ment lists will be as long as ever and
the receivers directory will be just as
fat next December as it Is tonight
Somewhere even now while you fell
lows are kicking up all sorts OF tara
diddles over the dawning millennium
that you expect 20 have swoop down
on you at any minute there Is prom
( ably sonew here in this country some
body's dear old grandmother who Is
borrowing all the money there IS IN the
| national banks at IS more on notes OF
Mr.. Rockefeller'S that Mr.. Rockefellei
never saw. and Will decline 10 mee1
when they fall due, and somebody
tries to introduce them to him. Re
, suits before next New Years: Grand
. I ma in Jail, national banks in bank
ruptCy, depOsitOrs in soup up 10 Ihell
necks Old Siias Witherbee celebrat
: ing his children and his Srandchlldref
/ and a keg Of hard cider, hailing $780,
as a joy forever and the harbinger o.
ease will come to town next week Jus
as he did last year and swap OF ina
= / prosperity for the same old gold bricl
that has had it's name in the paper
= year in any year out for time imme
2 mortal Mark my words. Redface, II
spite Of this idiotic kaloory of thes'
! bac41Siiders upstairs there's Just a
J much trouble ahead of US as there Il
: behind us and it's worse trouble thal
= the other for the trouble behind us i
over and that ahead of us We've got L
: go through. There isn't much chotc
in headaches. but I'm hanged II uOll
l prefer the one I had last year TO IN
. one I'm going 20 have next.
You have no business 10 refer L
, us as backsliders." growled Redface.
2 What in thunder are YOU crie'
the Knocker What is this club, any
E how. Redface? Sunshine Corner
Not on your life. 1t is the Growers
! club We were organized for the pur
: pose of growing, and every blanke
member who signed the constitution
S swore with his hand on the Evenln
t Post that he'd never approve of any
$ thing or ever be happy again so hel
e him Godkin. What is our motto2 Con
ira Omnia-against everything. Red
q / face from the ten commandments I
e the Ladies' Home journal. Every ma
= in this house who is now rejoicing owe
9 the death of 1904 and the birth of 1870
I is false to that oath, has broken fat
4 with the constitution he has sworn {
uphold and with me who was lured mt
: Joining this association by the prOmls
: that 1 should find congeniaI compan
. here They are actually being giaC
singing extensively rolickinS song
6 ) and drinking
''Oh, come off-you've been drinkin
yourself ever since noon, proteste
0 ! Redface-
Il know that retorted the Knockel
= s.but with Il decent motive They ar