Condon globe. (Condon, Gilliam Co., Or.) 189?-1919, 1905-10-12

llDB4YNNNNNF(
s~e-~-o.~~o~~oo
The Old story.--fBut, papa, he SAYS
he can't live without ms" GIVE US a
new one; told that same story to
your mother!''
Tho Automobile right-sidney--
Why don't you talk as we rider Rod.
ncy-Welll I can't think with my
hair standing on end.
No Escaps.--BelI Boy toutside Of
room 55)--say, the gas is escaping in
there. Countryman inside OF room
b6t--No, It aIn't; | locked the door.
A yacuum.--A pupil In Lynn
CMass.) school was asked by his teacher
to give the definition OF a vacuum
Il can't just describe H." said be, but
| have II in my head"
Wanted Circus The Chlld--Are
you the trained nurse mamma said
was comingi The Nurse Yes. dear;
I'm the trained nurse. The Child-Lets
see some Of your tricks.
Those Foreigners.---Doctor (after
careful examination)-som foreign
substance is lodged In your eye. Den.
nis--Oi knowed ut Thots what Oh
glt f'r wurrukin' wild them Dagoesl
She whistles.--An Irishman asked
a seotchman one day why n railway
engine was called "she." Sandy re-
piled: Perhaps It's on account Of the
horrible noise II makes when It tries
to whistle"
There She Blowsr'--On the voyage
school OF whales was sighted, aud
the millionaire plumber rubbed his
hands In ecstasy. ''nny Is he so
happyT asked a passenger Because"
whispered the captain. "he imagines
each spout is a bursted water-pipe. to
be repaired at regular rates"
What He Hurt--A well-known
Judge fell down a flight OF stairs, re-
cording his passage by bump on
e. cry step until he reached the bot
tom A servant ran to his assistance,
and. raising him up, said: 81 hope
your honor is not hurtr' NO" said
the Judge. sternly, my honor is no.
burt. but my head is"
Not wonderfull-he pointed out to a
rewly arrived Paddy the grandeur of
tho Niagara. with the words. There,
nowi Isn't It wonderful" "Wonther-
fulr' replied Pat; whats wOntherfulY'
"Why, 20 see ali that water come
laundering over those rocks!" "oi
can't see anything wonderful in that
what IL there to hinder ii from com.
lrg overT'
Goals to Newcastle Wife-What Is
meant, John, by the phrase, carrying
Goals to NewcastleT Husband--It is
q metaphor, my dear. showing the do.
ing OF something that is unnecessary,
Wifs-I don't exactly understand. Give
me an Illustrations familiar one
Husband-Weil, II I were to bring you
home a book entitled. How to Talk,
that would be carrying Goals to New.
castle.
The Way out OF It.--When preaching
fer public charity, a note was hand.
Cd up to the clergyman, asking II II
would be right for a bankrupt to con.
tribute. Having answered that such
contribution would be robbery, the
speaker added; And, my brethren,
would most strongly advise you. who
are not insolvent to contribute this
morning, since, II you are seen to pass
the plate, your neighbors win be sure
to say. That's he! That's the bank
ruptF"
He Walted.--"SupposIng you wait
here in this comfortable seat by the
elevator while l match these two sam
pies OF ribbon" said Mrs. Mayfair
sweetly to her husband. who had been
entrapped into going shopping with
her. When she came back she said
contritely; Have kept you waiting
an unpardonably long time, you poor
deari" "Oh. haven't minded It"
he said, cheerfully. 81 just jumped on
a car and ran out to the league grounds
and saw most OF the ball game, and
then took a little spin in the park
with Dorton in his new auto. Did
you match the samplesi" "One of
them. It's 80 provoking. TIL have to
come in again tomorrow, for they are