Wausau pilot. [volume] (Wausau, Wis.) 1896-1940, 1905-12-05
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me. You said you was interested In
mining" $50 l is, Miss Snowflake.
Kaisomining."-Li
Madam-Be sure to put plenty of
nuts in the cake. Cook-Ill crack no
more nuts to-day Me jaw hurts me
already.-Barper's Bazaar.
II don't like the man" why not7"
u hadn't been talking to him Eve
minutes before he said was an idiot"
why the delay Judge.
Very Quick: First Russian-You
say the fight was quickly over? Sec
ond Russian-Yes, it was finished be-
fore you could say Jackopolinsky Ro-
manoffopolotowsky.
Office Boy-Wy, cert, l want more
pay; I'm only getting -four" week.
and give my mother all / earn. Pro-
prietor-What do You do with the 9TH
er three and half?-Puck.
Willie-Papa, if l was twins would
you buy the other boy banana, too?
Papa-Certainly my son. Willie
Well, papa, you surely amt going 60
cheat me out of another banana Just
because Pm all in one piece?-Judge.
Bronco Bill-What did Tough Temp
kins die of? Grizzly Pete-Wen. the
poor guy needed a change of air an
couldn't get it, Bronco Bnl-Lung
trouble? Grizzly Pete-No; he was
lynched.-Judge.
Il got fine job in de business col
lege." 'Gee-wot dyer do?' de
writin' teacher hired me to shake de
table when Gle new pupils write, This
is a sample of my handwriting before
l began taking lessons Exchange.
Brilliant Billy: Bill had a bill
board. Bill also had a board bnl The
board bill bored Bill, so that Bill sold
the billboard to pay his board bill. So
after Bill sold his billboard to pay his
board bill, the board bill no longer
bored Bill.
Useless Expense: Lawyer-Now,
see here; before 1 take your case, /
want to know if you're guilty Pris-
oner-Am l guilty? Dyer suppose I'd
be fool enough ter hire the most ex-
pensive lawyer in the town if wuz
do you know" said Sunday
school teacher addressing a new pupil
in the infant class, that you have a
soul?" Course l do replied the lit
tie fellow, placing his hand over his
heart, II can feel it tick. '-Moberly
(AIo.) Monitor.
The Indian Bureau: I've been
radin'," said Pat, "a good dale in the
papers about a bureau for the Indians.
Now, | don't believe in their havin'
bureau. l can't afford to have 0u-
reau mesilf! l kape me papers in
boz under the bed"
Parson-Of course you are not afraid
to die, Brother Jones. Your sood wife,
who went before, will meet you at
the pearly gates, you know. Sick Man
Yes; and a peach of a time I'll have
explaining to her all I've done for the
past ten years!-Judge.
Another Heartless Monopolist: Mrs.
indeed, l don't have that
woman doctor any more. mrs. Query
Why, l thought you liked her. Mrs.
Gabble-Oh, she got to be hateful. She
used to keep the thermometer in my
mouth nearly all the time, so that
say a word, while she monop-
olized the conversation.
A Lively Animal: He was a good
natured German, and his face fairly
beamed as he walked into a drug
store. The first thing that caught his
a ttention was an electric fan buzzing
busily on the soda counter. He looked
at it with great interest, and then
turned to the clerk. "Py golly| he
said, smilingly ''dats a lify squirrel
vot you got in dare. amt id?"-Lippinr
colts Magazine.
Refined Pork: Harold was playing
keep store" and had prevailed upon
his grandmother to become one Of his
patrons When she appeared in the
role of customer he said: "Have some
nice vegetables or fruit or meat? Here
is some extra nice boiled ham. Have
some?" mo, thank YOU she said, Il
don't like ham," "Oh, but l think
you'd like this, ma'am. 1t is hardly
bit hammy. "-Lippincott's.
A Memory for Dates: A school
teacher was trying to impress upon a
scholars mind that Columbus discov-
cred America in 1892. Now, john"
ne said, II will tell you the date in
thyme, so that you won't forget it. In
fourteen hundred and ninety-two Co
umbus sailed the ocean biue.' Now,
AN you remember that, John yes"
-eplied John. Next day the teacher
,aid, John, when did Columbus dis
over America 2" ''In fourteen hundred
md ninety three Columbus sailed the
lark-blue sea-"
Improving the Opportunity: Here,
nv good man." she said one day last
week to a man who had begged aims
If her, here is a three-penny piece,
md please to understand that / do not
rive this because hope to be reward
q for my charity some day, but be-
.ause it gives me pleasure to do so.''
The burly beggar looked obviously at
he tiny silver coin. Look ERE, num-"
lie said, IN this ere wicked world we
lon't often get the chance to enjoy
ourselves Why not make it : shillin'
md ave n real good timer
IrOnfcal.
Not without a sense of humor is Mr..
Root, the new Secretary Of State. He
.howed it, says the New York Sun,
Turing the Boxer troubles in China.
when he was annoyed by the silly
uestions of an importunate reporter.
How will the President get rid of
dinister Conger?" finally asked the
nquisitor. VIII he dismiss him out
light, or ask for his resignation
why, / think he will do neither"
eplied Mr.. Root. Il think he is more
.pt 10 try an Oriental subterfuge-
end him a poisoned letter"
All ut the Market Price.
Baron, what did you give your boys
or birthday presents %