The Bowbells tribune. [volume] (Bowbells, Ward Co., N.D.) 1899-1969, 1905-09-01
"WULGAR WITTICISMS."


Russell Sage says he wants to live
till he reaches 100. Same here, uncle.
It is said that Wizard Burbank has
produced an odorless onion. It must be
almost as great curiosity as an odor-
less divorce case.
The eastern minister who proposes to
introduce mosquitoes to promote wake
fulness in the church will have to put
bedbugs on the winter shift.
-.
It is semi-oficially announced that
Gov. Folk Of Missouri never ruins the
exquisite bouquet Of drink Of whiskey
by following it with chaser.
1t is believed that Americas grand
army of whitewashed statesmen may
soon outnumber those to whom the
brush has not yet been applied.
''Whiskey is the greatest curse of
the state of Kansas" says Carrie Ma,
tion. We have long labored under the
impression that Carrie was entitled to
that distinction.
The price of cocktails having been
advanced OPS cents at Portsmouth, the
attention of the peace ENJOYS may be
directed to the delightful virtues of the
great American highball.
~
Cole Younger attended Shakes
pearean play a few nights ago. He
may have heard that in the play some
pages held up the queens train and de-
sired to see how the trick was turned in
olden days.
Alexander Dowie has issued decree
requiring married couples Of Zion City
to produce baby every year. Won
der if he hasn't secured block of
stock in the Castoria and Winslow
Soothing Syrup concerns.
I Dr.. Petit of Paris declares that "the
bacillus of tuberculosis may easily be
introduced into the dough-" This is
not the species of bacillus, however,
that so alarmed DR.. Washington Glad
den when he discovered it in the Rookie
feller dough.
A Kansas City woman denies thatshe
was shocked by lightning while on the
beach of an Eastern seashore resort.
If she possesses the we'll known Western
; instinct of won1anly modesty she may
not deny that other things on the sands
shocked her.
An Illinois editor thinks the local
weather bureau man stationed at his
town is .glittering treasure. He
switched aheavy rainstorm clear around
Sunday baseball game and dropped it
down into a Methodist camp meeting
two miles away.
Both the Russian and Japanese peace
ENJOYS are said to be extravagantly
polite, but it is not believed their po-
likeness will ever reach the Alphonse-
CASTOR stage. tAfter you, my dear
Komura. y mot on your life, Witte,
old boy; butt in ..
Freckles may soon become popular
fad in charming girldom. A most dis
tinguished eastern scholar says that
freckled girls make the best wives and
that the young man who secures a
spotted prize in the matrimonial lottery
is truly fortunate. =.
A prominent Boston divine. says that
ministers should use humor in their
sermons and bring smiles to the faces
of their followers. When some of the
old coffin-faced, "Hark-from-the-
Observation-Disclosures" dominies
hear this they will drop stone dead!
-. II
An exchange very truthfully says
that no town can rise above its inhab-
itants. If they are alive to every in
Eterest then the town will be live one.
If, on the other hand, they are indiffer-
ent to the welfare Of their town, the
town will remain at standstill. No
town will grow unless it's resources are
continually before the eyes Of the
public. /. II ls "
It is said that 600 quarts Of cham
pagne have. been stored in the ice room
in. the .buffe adjoining the peace con- ' :
ference rooms e Portsmouth. What