West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1905-06-22
THE RAMBLER
And Coy. Dawson Still In a State OF
Collapse With no Immediate
Prospect Of Recovery,
ARE RECEIVING HUNDREDS
OF KILOGRAMS OF CONDOLENCE
From the People Back in Preston
Tho Rambler Asks For a
Vacation to Enable Him
to Forget His Sorrow.

have scarcely sufficient strength
to make an impression upon the pa
per with my pencil. / am still feel
ing languid and my enegery is not
Of the strenuous kind. Four years
of active service in the field of the
rebellion did not give me the tired
feeling which the election in the
Second Congressional District has.
The doctors tell me there viii! be no
trouble for me to get an increase of
pension now when the medical ex-
aminer calls around. This is the
only thing ! have left to console me.
A good sized increase in my pen
sion may restore me to my normal
condition. Heretofore an increase
in my pension has made me feel as
though l could jump a stake-and.
rider fence and never touch the top
rail. III the medical examiner is in
generous mood when he calls on
me and can see his way clear to
double my pension shall attempt
to scale Junior Browns barn in one
Jump and never tear single off to
show my appreciation of the exam
iner's kindness. 1t is wonderful
how good it makes us old veterans
feel when Uncle Sam signs con-
tract for an increase. For a veri-
fication of this statement | would
ask all doubling people to call on
Comrades Bill f. Menear. Ed Mes
senger, Lee Shaw, Wash Wilson,
A. {. Scott, Jimmy Johnson, and
many others who have experinced the
elixir of life. 1t is the only genuine
elixir of life today on the market
that is guaranteed to cure. have
been cured several times by it, but
the ele ction of Col. Tom Davis
has given me relapse and nothing
short of another increase will un
relapse me.
In my feeble condition you can.
not hope for me to keep up my
standard of startling the natives
with my wonderful genius. Every
since the sad news from the Second
District reached us they have been
pumping NUNS dry into me in the
hope of restoring my respiration and
hilarlty, The pumper swears he
Will go on strike il do not revive
and grow hilarious. What am to
do TO save my reputation
For weeks the associated has been
telling us that it was NUNS dry and
fifty cents a light that made Col.
Tom Davis prance over the Second
District at such rapid gait. At
this distance il is pretty hard for us
to determine what kind of burrs thew
were using on Col. Tom to make
him forget his age, but from the
way he trotted over the Second Dis
trict race course it is evident to us
that they placed the burrs in such a
position that Col. Tom could not
lower his tail until the red flag was
dropped and he was declared the
winner.
1t pains me now when | think
what glorious victory Commanders
Conley and Montgomery could have
won for Bro. Jim Lakin had they
gotten bold of the proper brand of
burrsl Bro. Lakin had the legs and
the wind and there is no reason why
he should not have won the race had
he been properly buried.
Gov. Dawson and mys elf are re-
Chewing scores of kilograms and let
tiers of coincidence from our friends
back in Preston. They seem to
have forgotten us on June 9th, the
day we designated for to prevent an
epidemic of coincidence. We had
everything arranged to receive the
congratulations of our friends when
we received the returns from Com.
manders Conley and Montgomery.
SO far we have not heard from
them. We can only assume that
they are lying Frustrated on the
political battle field When they
recover it will not be necessary for
them to write US explaining the sen
sations of prostration. We have the
formula in our possession and we
took the dose as prescribed by DR..
Tom Davis We have kindly asked
Dr. Davis to discontinue prescrib
ing.
/ have a touching and sympathetic
epistle from my old Comrade Lea.
der Shaw. Nothing but the posi-
tive instructions Of my physi~an
prevents me from shedding tears
when 1 read his misslve. / shall
quote that portion Of Comrade
Shaw's letter which is not prohibit.
ed by law from going through the
mails. The other portion shall
feed 70 the flames 20 prevent a libel
suit should it find ITS way back to
Preston.
"'MY BELOVED CoMRADE.-Some
one has said that misery loves com
Psny. can picture in my mind to-
day that you are a miserable man
on the banks Of the Kanawha and I
hasten to write you and offer my
coincidence, In the dark days Of
the sixties when il tried mems souls
20 escape the hot shot from the
Johnnies and the ingenuity Of man.
kind 20 tell the old setting hen from
The pullet on the roost, you and !
stood shoulder 20 shoulder in de
Tense OF our country and we're never
charged with the crime Of pulling a
setting hen from her roost. Those
we're the days when friendship
counted for something; when old
spcck and her brood we're free from
taxation when a worm in spcck's
bill was worth ten in the ground
But this is almost ancient history
today