The herald and news. [volume] (Newberry S.C.) 1903-1937, 1905-05-23
TOSSED BY RESTLESS SEA.
The Distinguished Edgeheld Editor
Describes Delightfully."- the Des-
perate Miseries of Sea Travel.

On Board Steamer Deutschland,
Monday Morning, May 1.-"Call me
early, mother, for I'm to be queen OF
the May" Alas, there will be very
little queen of the May for US out in
this n1id-ocean of rolling waves. A
voyage at sea, even on the great,
feet, magnificent Deutschland, is
neither a joke nor JOY. In the
choice and eloquent vernacular OF
Edgefield, S. c., durn the sea. We
hate to look the waves, and we
detest the salt Dreezes.
The above l,narniable words come
out of the dead body of an old man
that has been kicked about the prom
enade deck Of the Deutschland for
three days and nights. An old bungy
German woman approaches us kindly
and says:
"Mein Herr, let me you advise
stiff towel around your stomach to
tightly bind your intestines to keep
from shaking about" We look
gratefully at the old woman, who has
stomach like low-ground pumpkin,
and say: "Danke bestens, madame,
but we have no stomach and no
intestines." 1t is II in the forenoon,
and serving men are handing bouillon
and tea and cakes to the 500 people
who are walking or sitting on the
promenade deck.
One of them approaches our dead
body, decently wrapped in a green
and purple deck rug, and says to it:
"Marmalardy, Mein HERR" We
look and see that he is cruelty pokine
orange marmalade at us. We say:
Zach, bite, danke bestens, but God
defend US from n1armalade- and from
everything else but two or three
feet Of green earth"
This is Monday noon, and ON
Wednesday noon we are to reach
Plymouth, where we hope to mail
this mutilated and indecent letter.
How can a person who has thrown
up all his miscellaneous internal
viscera be decent or write decently?
On this great steamer, the largest
and fastest in the world, there are
now 300 human souls, or at all
events, bodies. OF these, 500 are in
the first cabin, and in the great
dining hall covers are laid for 500, in
the midst of the most royal magnifi-
cence tha. human soul could imagine
And these 500 people eat brutally
six times a day. The Deutschland
is purely and distinctly German
boat. Everything is German-lan-
guage, money, manners. The food,
however, belongs to all climes and
all nations. If you wish an Edge
field possum or persimmon or a
Charleston eel or fiddler ask for
them, and you will surely get them.
"Apolinaris or Rubinate, Condal,
Mein Herr?" Nasty, dirty, salty
mineral waters! We look up, dying.
and say feebly: Zach, lieber Gott,
danke bestens, but God deliver us
from Apolinaris OF Rubinate-C -Condal."
The Immediate Party.
Our immediate party consists of
the beautiful and popular Mrs
Hilliard Spalding, and her two
children, OF Atlanta: Count Friedrich
Won Beyer-Ehrenberg, Of Berlin, an
old friend OF Mrs. Spalding's. who
has been on a visit to her. and Col.
Brutus Clay and his wife and son, Of
Kentucky Col. Clay has been
recently appointed by Roosevelt as
minister to Switzerland and is now on
his way to Berne to assume his duties.
He is a son OF the late Hon. Cassius
NJ. Clay and nephew of Henry
Clay. the immortal Col. Brutns
CLAW and his wife and son are simply
splendid people, intelligent. intel
lectual. finely educated, handsome
courteous. kind-hearted-real typical
Sou:herners. We consider ourseli