The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-05-04


I'm give you trading stamps with me-"
At last he did declare.
The eager maiden cried that she
s. E. Kiser.
HUAIOR OF THE DAY.
Enpeck-AGy wife told me to buy her
6eaIer@WeIl. here's one with a
hickory handle-warranted not to break
Enpeck-Great Scott! Do you think
my skull is made Of cast iron?-Kansas
City Independent
shes a distant relative of mine"
isn't she?''
twice since then. She's my wife twice
removed. Boston Traveller
chunkly-Did you ever hear her sing
"On the Hills Of Old New Hampshire.
Lankiy.No; but I think I could If
was anywhere in New England at the
time.-Judge-
Old Chum-Does your little girl take
after her mother?
Married Man-Not especially; she's
three years old and can't talk more
than half a dozen words.-Detroit Free
Press
Knicker-Have you never heard the
call of the wild?
Bocker-No. always take my shoes
off and try to get in as quietly as pos
sible.-New York Sun.
MY dear" said the decrepit million
ARE to his youthful bride, I am only
too glad to die when think Of the
pleasure you viii derive from the for
tune I shall leave you"
IF it makes you happy, dear" she
replied, artlessly, consider yourself
dead now, if you wish. "-Brooklyn
Life.
He-Whats the baby crying for?
She-Why, he's just swallowed
Good graciousi The child can't ex-
pect to eat his pennies and have EN-.
too."-Yonlers Statesman.
The hope Of the physician never cures
The art of modern conversation con-
sists in the utterance Of unpleasant
things in the forms of courtesy.
A dry Sunday does not consist in the
absence of rainfall.
The woman who can dress on S65 per
annum undoubtedly exists. The diff
Guilty is in her Willingness to give prac-
teal illustration of her ability.
Art is long and time is short-and SO
are artists, often.
Money is cleansed or tainted by the
uses to which it is put.-Cincinnati
CONGRATULATIONS.
Little Margie (vvho has company)-We'v
been playing school, mamma.
Mamma-Indeed! And did you behave
Little Margie-oh. I didn't have to be-
have. I was teacher.-Chicago News.
The Smart Aleck sat down at the res
taurant lunch counter.
Bring me a half dozen fried-and fry
why especially well todayT" asked the
waiter, in establishment.
Because it's good fry day-ha, Ia, ha,
That was Why the waiter was acquitted
on a charge OF murder when the killing
Of the Smart Aleek was investigated by
the grand jury.-Baitimore American.
'.see here,'' exclaimed the irate pur-
chaser to typewriter agent, didn't you tell
me the machine you sold me was 50 strong
you could drop 1t out OF a window, go
down and pick is up, and 90 right to work
on t?.
wen, it fell out OF the window acciden-
tally yesterday. and I had to send it to
the repair shop"
work on it yourself II you'd known how
to set about fixing It, couldn't your
New Orleans Times-Democrat.
Krankleigh--Yes. I am seldom fooled on
point of physiognomy- Now that man
yonder-I never saw him before, but I'll
wager that he has to shoulder heavy re-
sponsibilities. Pardon me, sir, but would
you mind telling US your occupation?
hodi-Cleveland Leader.
at the dinner last night7
She-To tell you the truth you didn't
look a bit comfortable in it. It will re-
quire time for you to acquire the wholly
at home appearance of one of those wait
ers, for NATURALIZATION Transcript.
It don't see how he can put in all his
time at golf.
wen, / believe he's not busy at the Of
mot busy at the Officer why how's
Hes too busy at golf.'-cIeveland
Hal. Have y9g eyer dreamt you were in
mo. But / once dreamt was in a jam
tart. Punch.
Nell-rve decided to marry your cousin
Belle-The idea! Why, Jack never said a
NenNon, JACK doesn't know it yet
Philadelphia Ledger.
church--These chauffeurs seem to think
the ordinary pedestrians are beneath
Gotham-well. too often they are!-Yon.
Visitor Cfrom the sunny south)-I am
climate is changing.
Hcst--There is no theory about it. It's
! a recognized fact. Our climate is ALWAYS
changing.-Chicag Tribune
Young Hopeful (confdentiaIIy)-I say.
are you going to try one Of fathers ci.
Visitor-Yes. Whv7
Young Hopsful-Take my advice. Don't:
Punch.
When asked to write q short composition
on some interesting experience, Johnny.
after much labor, handed his tea cher tina
following:
Twins IS a baby, only it's double II
usually arrives about 4.37 in the rnornine
when q fellow is g9ttifas 4, his best HciSs
sleePin. Twins IS accompanied by excite
ment and doctor. When twins do er,r,,-