New-York tribune., 1905-01-20

The Cuatemalan Minister had attended recep-
ton in Washington recently AS he was leaving
he said to the negro who called the carriages call
the carriage Of the Guatemalan Minister-you IN
derstand: GuatemaIan Minister" Yes. sir; under
stand perfectly, sir" he replied, and then shouted
at the TOD Of his lungs: The carriage for the
watermelon Minister"
TRAGEDY OF THE TRACK.
The crowd was gathered al the start,
The auto course was clear.
The stern chauffeur upon the seat
8 Was Chauncey We're de We're
Like galloping tubercun
The thing began 10 cough. . -,
Brave Chauncey seized the what Sit shame
A shot, and they were on!
His engine was a thing-um-bob
HIS fires I vot. were you-know-what-
The kind they ought TO De.
Small wonder. then. tth that u9 chauncey sped
More swiftly than the wynde- d
His rivals ali behind.
But Chauncey looked with anguished gaze
The p cracE-a-iack vas out Of whack
And acting very queer
The thing-rna-jig began to dig.
And shame, oh, shame! the auto came
Abruptly TO q stop!
With leers and jeers and bastard sneers
The rival cars shot by
Their spunk was up to win the cup
Their hopes and speed Were high
F.ut nrone beneath his moveIess car
No hope was his-the funny-biz
Had broken quite away.
So We're de We're the chauffeur, wept
Beside a wayside ditch.
All iostT' he cried, because Of that
Defective ask-me-which!' -(Li1e.
wife-Henry. what makes you in such a furious
Hu5sband-Tm trying to read a Scotch dialect
story. The plot is fearfuly exciting but l can
RPEalf Rf6 the eHee 5e IT 5 Free Press
FRENZIED FINANCE.
Lives of great oft remind us,
If we only owned trust
We could squeeze each smaller dealer
princeton Tiger.
No less than fourteen electric mountain railways
are now under construction in Switzerland, accord
ing TO THE Indianapolis News" Within the course
of few years all the leading Alpine heights be
reached by mountain railways. Switzerland is
spending many millions these enterprises. and
il is hoped that with these Increasing facilities the
number of tourists viii become greater every year.
The Jungfrau and Chamounix railways will be
completed and open for passenger traffic by the
summer Of 1895.
Not. Needed.--.Do you favor the whipping post
No answered the woman VINO has been several
good enough for me, '-( Washington Star
London is far ahead of New-York in the matter
of underground traction. When the electrihcation
Of the railways which underground in London
is completed the traveller Will be able to traverse
sixty miles underground by electric traction with
out running twice over the same piece OF track
suspicious-"John. we will have to change milk
why my dear. aren't We getting pure milk from
"YveH. he acts suspciousIy. As he drove up this
morning I heard him whstllug I'm On the Water
Wagon '.-(Cleveland Leader
Serpent worship still survives in India, and a
snake shrine is said to be much attraction in
a house on the Malabar Coast as a garden in the
case Of a country home in the United States. Ser
pents are, however. most unobtrusive. and unless
one walks noiselessly and barefooted in the dark.
as Hndoos do, snakebite is improbable contin-
gency.
OF Course.-'I want some man to figure out how
much electricity IT Is going 10 take run my mill
Whom would you recommend
zone of those lightning calculators Of course -
CJeN-Orleans Times-Democrat
What is declared by THE Philadelphia Record"
"a be the largest and heaviest cold rolled steel band
saw ever made has just been turned out al the
Disqton works Tacony II Is 20 feet long 10 inches
vride 01si of an inch thick and weighs 474 mounds
nv repeated rsIling the thickness Of lhe band was
reduced from O270 TO 0IS4 OF an inch. The saw IL
perfectly straight and Is a marvel for uniformity
of thickness Bands up 50 feet long and IA inches
wide are regularly made at the Tacony plant but
n is said that never before has a band OF such
length and weight been cold rolled at any sbop IN
the world.
Improving-she-I think I've been quite econom-
Her Husband-Do you?
She-Certainly. I'm sure we haven't In debt
half much as last month.-(brooklyn Life