The star. (Reynoldsville, Pa.) 1892-1946, 1905-12-13

uIlS oIdl.
The Clergyman-My little man, do
you go to church every Sunday? Bob
by-Yes, sir. I'm not old enough yet
to stay away.-Life.
The Customer-Aren't you afraid Of
dying an old maid? The Hairdresser
Not a mite. | dye one nearly every
day.-Philadelphia Record.
Casey-Phat lot av railroad
wrecks an auto axidents Hogan
BeGobs, yis! Yez hov to die early or
Yell be kilt.-Harper's Bazaar.
Hello, old chap!" remarked the
cabbage, you're looking good" YES"
rejoined the watermelon, "but I'm
feeling rather seedy, just the same
Chicago News.
you're dreadfully untidy again,
Mary! | don't know what the baker
will think of you when he comes"
"The baker don't matter m. The
milkman's bin!"-Punch.
Mrs. Askitt-I heard you had sur.
prise party at your house yesterday.
Mrs. Tellit (absently)-Yes,m my hus
band gave me $40 without my asking
for it.-San Francisco Call.
Titewodd--I thought you said you
wouldn't charge me anything for the
little legal question asked you? Law
yer-I didn't. | charged you for the
answer.-Cleveland Leader
"Did your husband find that golf
improved his health?" Yes; it i'm
proved his health. But unless he
learns to play better 1t will spoil his
disposition. Washington Star.
Talking about scientific curiosties,
have discovered one thing about an
engine which is fiat contradiction"
what is that?" That it is hottest
when it's coaled. Baltimore Ameri-
can.
Few people know how to love
wisely" remarked the man who com
ments on things. "And when n man
gets real wise he doesn't love-" re-
piled Senator Badger.-Milwaukee
Sentinel.
81 used to like the smell of cigar
| smoke before we were married. but
now despise it." well, bought an
altogether different brand of cigars
then than am able to do now
Houston Post.
Chimmie-Say, kid, yell; but don't
yell yer head Off Wot you tryin' ter
do, anyhow? Tommy-Dats a rich
lady, an if she hears my voice she
may take N educate me fer swell
operatic tenor-Chicago News.
''How long does it take to empty
this hall?" asked the lecturer, looking
about the auditorium. 81 don't know
exactly" replied the janitor; but If
you wish, when you begin lecturing
I'll time 'em."-Yonkers Statesman.
First American Millionaire-What
in the world are you going over to see
all the English cathedrals for? Sec
ond American Millionaire-I'm put
ting up an automobile stable, and I'm
looking for something handsome in
design.-Life.
"The race is not always to the
swift" said the Sunday school teach
er impressively. Can any one tell
me why?" Because sometimes their
gasoline tank explodes,' promptly re-
piled the up-to-date little boy.-Balti-
more American.
"Yes," said the condescending
youth, 81 am taking fencing lessons"
| TnrnfncGn1
u allus said you was goin' to turn in
an do somethin' useful. What's your
speciality goin' to be-rail, stone or
barbed wire?'-Washington Star
Senator l congratulate you. / un-
derstand you have been vindicated."
"Triumphantly, Johnson. At the first
trial the jury disagreed. At the Sec
und trial my lawyers found flaw in
the Indictment, and the case was
thrown out of court. Chicago Trib-
une.
Aunt Jane-This is the dear doggie
that l wanted to show you, Carrie.
She's the sweetest creature. To see
her with her puppies Is to witness the
perfection of motherhood. Carrie
How sweet! Where are the puppies?
Small Boy-She's eat 'em all, miss!-
Punch.
Oficer-Ye're undher artist fer ex-
cadin' tn shpade limit. Chauffeur
My autometer only registers twelve
miles an hour. Oficer-Thin we'll
alther tn charge to cruelty to animals.
fer ye've decaved me into gallopin' me
harse tin moiles an hour fasther than
wor absolutely NECESSARY.
"That barber seems to be doing d
rushing business" "Yes. He has in
vented hair tonic that smells exact
ly like gasoline" "But-er-I don't
see the point" ut tickles the vanity
of his patrons. They go around smell
Ing of gasoline. and this gives the i'm
preston that they own automobiles"