The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-11-15
FTREsIDE CHATS.
Mrs. Perkins Complains, But PhilOsO-
ply Gains Her.

Mr. Perkins, began Mrs Perkins in
| an aggressive way, and without throw
! ing out any danger signals in advance,
do you ever stop to realize what sort
/ of man you are2''
Couldn't you postpone it for a week.
he asked as he slowly lighted cigar.
mot for an hour I've borne and
borne until can bear no longer.
wen, If it's a case Of talk or DUST
you may talk Modulate your voice 50
that the neighbOrs won't overhear, ana
contine yourself to facts. What IS 1t,
my lover"
Last spring" she continued after
getting good and ready, last spring we
were to have a garden. Early in March
/ you began to talk about lettuce peas,
string beans, cucumbers and all that.
/ We were to have the best garden IN
town. We We're to have all the fresh
/ truck we could eat and some to send to
orphan asylums. Do you acknowledge
Your guilt, STRIP
81 do
'And let me ask you, sir, where is the
garden? Where are the peas and beans
the lettuce and the radishes-the tona-
/ toes and the muSkmelons2 Have we
had a garden this summer, or have we
had a bed of weeds?'
| MY dear Mrs. Perkins, let us argue
the matter for moment. It is true
that in March we planned garden for
May but in two months many Things
may occur. Many things did occur l
| discovered, for instance, that the soil
of our back yard was composed almost
entirely of brickbats and plaster, and
/ that it would cost at least fifty dollars
/ to replace it. Then figured on tools,
seeds, our labor, and so forth, and 4olnd
that another fifty must go in that d.
/ rectiOn. There was one hundred dollars
out for a garden. There was the chance
/ that hogs or COWS might get IN ana
| destroy all our work There might be
/ too much rain or not enough. 1 could
figure it right down that every onion
would cost US forty cents, and every
head of lettuce sixty. 1t would be
| pleasure, Of course, to so forth INTO our
| own garden and Gull the cucumber from
the dewy vine, but if the culling were
to cost ninety cents where would the
/ business policy come in?'
! ooh. of course you will have fifty
/ different excuses said Mrs. Perkins.
I'm brief, my dear, I figured that
/ the garden would cost about two nun
bred dollars, and all the vegetables we
1 could raise wouldn't be worth above
! thirty cents. As a business man and a
! fond husband I felt that I ought to
save the two hundred and put them
into furs for you for the winter
/ and will you do that?
Il win discuss the matter with you
some day"
Eyes, you will discuss it next May,
after another winter. is overli Mr. GER
spring you said that we would go on a
steamboat excursion every week this
| summer Have we been on one single
one? Every neighbor has gone re-
1 peatedly, but we have stuck here in
the house in spite of all I could say 1
suppose you viii have an excuse to
@The best of excuses, my love. Do
you know how many excursionists
were drowned last season
seWhaf has that to do with this
@-' Everything. over ten thousand
| people who went gaily from their
| homes last summer to make trips here
and there on the water never returned,
/ The boats blew UP or took IRE or SUNK.
/ I figured it out that we would make
about three trips and then meet with q
calamity. and I thought it better not to
But there hasn't been a single acct
''That is true. but it only shows that
I was over-cauuous. You surely can {
/ blame me for that"
But we were to go fishing. Last
winter youd sit and talk by the hour
of the fish we should catch IN the sum-
mer. You even went in February ana
bought fish lines. Have we been fish
ing one single time this summer?
Have we caught one fish? Haven
YOU, every time I have suggested 1t,
/ had some excuse to urge %
4
man nature is so constituted that in
the winter we pick the biggest summer
i blackberries, and in summer we DO our
sliding down hill on the snow. was
encouraging you and myself 70 ger
/ through long winter. 1 did intend TO
I go fishing, however. Yes, l meant TO
go at least once a week, but When
I spring came got to figuring. 1ounQ
that each trip would cost about Sl.to,
with a probable catch of not to exceed
two tiny little fish worth a cent apiece.
1 Would it have been good business
policy to make such trlpsE WASH. II
better to save the money ana put II III
a raincoat for you this winter?'
But will you buy me one? You
know I have wanted one for the last
two years.
THAT is another matter We must
discuss later on. If it should happen
that we didn't have any rain this fall
More lodging, Mr.. Perkins-more
lodging. No one can ever pm you
down to anything. Last winter we
were to attend all the church picnlcs
this summer. Have we attended
single one?"
Il think not. my dear, but you know
/ why. have been afraid that SO much
| excitement might affect your heart. II
the excitement didn't, then the cake
and cream would. l lost the olhel
Mrs. Perkins through a churcn picnic
Won know She was shot with 10Y
nistoI that one of the goody-good boys
brought along. His mother presented
it to him for having learned thirty
verses in the Testament don wan
tn lose No. in the same way
you are always finging the first Mrs
Perkins in my face. and I don't think i
fair How was it in April! we were e
10 mn stra xvferries, raspberries black
b berr Ils and ali other sorts of berries as
soon as they were in market have W.
done up one single pint? Haven't yol
mad an excuse every time 1 have sale
anything2" - 9, /,
siThere has been but one excuse, he
srswyared ssyVhen berries were cheaE
cans and sugar were up. and vice
versa" 49,,
sor,oev5here- You came home all excited
one day and announced that We w9u l
20 fentine for q week in July You
E.o..4n5 L r,,e.f, ,.ielt of next day anc