Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1905-12-23
If YOU'RE ASKED OUT.
The Secret Of Being Invited
a Second Time.
THREE RULES TO GUIDE
GOOD LISTENERS AS USEFUL AS
GOOD TAKERS.
A Desirable Guest Considers the Host
and the Hostess
First.
Written for The Star.

win the cfoWulhs OF monday FESTIVITIES,
invitations come thick and fast. The per-
son who has no social engagements at this
time of year can be no other than one who
does not wish them, for when every one
is at home who can possibly be there It is
the signal for the gathering together of
each and every friend and acquaintance.
For the girl or man, therefore, who wishes
to keep up social life and be invited again.
the time is ripe to make oneself popular
guest.
Difficult though this may seem, It can be
worked out by the rule of three. Certain
laws govern social success as surely as
they do the working out of a problem in
arithmetic. To be invited again is merely
to observe the seemingly insignificant little
niceties that count as heavily and unerring-
~ in weighing the balance of peoples favor.
Once you have that, a hostess inevitably
seeks you as her guest.
In the first place, no matter what invi-
tation you may receive, answer 1t within
day of the time 1t reaches you. Never
hold summons to any form of entertain
ment for day or so in order to make sure
whether or not you can accept When In
the least bit of doubt, send your regrets
in polite or formal note. If the invitation
is for an informal function, however. II
is perfectly proper to qualify your refusal
with a word as to your reasons. and a
hope that at the last moment you will find
that you can come. Nevertheless, your
note should make 1t thoroughly clear that
you have definitely refused. and that your
hostess should not expect to see you unless
she hears from you again.
Value of Notes.
The value of social notes cannot be over
estimated to the person who would become
popular That any sort of polite note
should be inscribed on the very neatest of
writing paper with envelope to match goes
without saying. That the handwriting
should be your own is also most essential.
and 1t must be clear enough to be easily
read, AS lined stationery is not permis-
sible the words should run straight and be
evenly spaced, while the margin at the
left of the sheet should be decided
Whatever you may say, have IT to the
point; that is, concise and uneqoivocaa.
Read the note through at least twice TO De
assured that the person receiving II would
he unable to understand It in any but the
way you intend. Finally, II any mistakes
of spelling, poorly written words or plots
of ink have crept into the form OF the note:
do not send it out without rewrluins ;r, any
when you stamp the envelope put Uncle
Sans engraved messenger squareiy Id lhe
upper right-hand corner.
Vvshen to write these social notes Is the
next question of Importance. or the wv
kinds. sympathetic notes and civl! notes,
the former should be sent early and oiten.
Nothing brings more pleasure TO the aver
age person than a simple expression Oh ap
pSacfation or condolences In connection win
Measure or sorrow that may nave come
to them. In such note there should De
above all else a tone OF genuine interes.
without in any way SUGGESTING se ~ ~
self-seeking motives But Withai ~ NUS nus,
he dignified. Too much cannot be said with
regard to the thoughtful note which pears
with IL only good will and cheerfulness
and which helps to keep UP the thread OF
friendship or mountaineering.
Explanations Useful.
Civil notes include answers to invitations
and certain explanations called Tor by sons
slight misunderstanding. Unless you have
been entertained very formally. the note
which accepted the invitation should be
followed after the function by a note OF
appreciation. Especially Is this true when
YOU have enjoyed an evening or a meal IN
some home circle. Your rriends Will appre-
ciate the extra mark of courtesy and you
will be less hurried about making your
subsequent call. Only most careless per-
son allows over two days to pass before
sending letter Of appreciation after an
extended visit at friends home.
Conversation Is the second very impor-
tant factor In gaining social popularity.
This does not necessarily mean being a
ready conversationalist. for good listener
is more to be envied than a fluent talker.
Its real meaning is to show true interest
in whatever is taking place, and yet to re-
tain sufficient of your own personality to
command the interest of others. In this re-
spect the second and third part of the
rule Of three that makes for popularity
are very closely allied.
To- begin with, conversation In social life
implies the exchange of thoughts on an
equal basis. To ascertain what the stand
ard Of your listener may be, questions are
the very best method. Learn first on what
gorund the person with whom you are con-
versing will meet you, and do not scOrn
the asking of commonplace questions to
find this out. Personal questions, how
ever are barred, except In a very general
way, and when used should be worded so
that the person answering may avoid a
direct reply If he wishes.
See His View.
Once you find the subject in which your
companion Is interested, try to see his view
of 1t rather than your own. Keep your
decided opinions in the background unless
they are specially asked. Make the other
persons hobbies and fads seem to be your
immediate concern and by no means allow
your attention to be distracted. Your
thoughts as well as your looks must con-
vey consideration.
The voice counts tremendously in CONVEX
sation. Speak with musical tones Accus-
tom your ear to catch any harsh or Earring
y
this subject says to use only the low pitch
Of the voice. as this Is always sweeter and
more convincing. Speak slowly and dis
tinctiy, that the person with whom you
are conversing will not be obliged to ask
you constantly to repeat.
Do not emphasize what you say with
movements OF your hands or feet or with
contortions Of the face. Leave this to peo-
pie on the stage who in playing to mixed
audience need to use every means at their
command to express the different emotions.
In private life the most refined and cui-
tured members of society retain always
the quietest and calmest manner of saying
and doing everything. This is an invalu-
able aid In the exchange OF thoughts and
ideas. for 1t allows the other person to
think OF what you are saying rather than
Of what you are doing. Furthermore this
repose of manner is a delicate compliment
to your companion. who immediately feels
that you are not anxious to be somewhere
else In other words. 1t puts him perfectly
at his ease.
Avoid Slang.
A pitfall into which the youthful con-
versationaIist Is always in danger OF fall
ing ts the use Of slang words that have
not been accepted as legitimate. An oc-
casionai use OF the more usual OF the newly
coined words and phrases is not 80 serfous