davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Cooperstown courier. (Cooperstown, Griggs Co., N.D.) 1902-1913, 1905-06-08
GOT AN EXCUSE TO TALK.
Wanted to Say Something to the Old
Woman and the Way Was
Opened.

II wa. in 4 Long Island village last
summer, said a New York LAWYER. &C.
cording to the Cleveland Leader. when q
big automobile came tearing along. and
Just in front of the post office it struck
and killed a big hog belonging to vii.
lager who was leaning over his gate at
tho time.
How fast was the machine going?' I
asked of him, as he came out and looked
after the flying auto.
Forty miles an hour he replied.
Then you can make the owner pay
for your hog
Yes, I suppose so. but l don't think
shall fool with the case
Don't you think the hog is worth
going to law about, eh?'
He was fine hog, and | ought to
be paid for him, but me and the old
woman have been srouty at each other
for q week, and I've been aching for a
chance to open out on her. This is jus.
what [ wanted, and I'll let the auto &c
and go in and tell her some things she
won't forget for the next 30 yeals!'"
The Cooperstown courier. (Cooperstown, Griggs Co., N.D.) 1902-1913, 1905-06-08
In Record Time.

Piney Flats, Tenn, May 29th.-(Special)
Cured i'll two days OF Rheumatism that
had made his life a torture for two years,
ID. $. Hilton, OF this place, naturally
wants every other sufferer from rhcuma-
,ism to know what cured him. 1t was
Dodd's Kidney Pills.
'Dolds Kidney Pills are the grandest
pill on carth,'' says Mr.. Hilton, Il would
not take any sum of money for what
they did for me. For two years I had
what the doctors called rheumatism.
could hardly walk around in the house.
1t seemed 10 be i'll my back and hip and
legs. l tried everything. but nothing
helped me till got Dodd's Kidney Pills.
Two days after ] took the first dose
all pam left me and it has never come
back since. | can't praise Dodds Kidney
Pills 100 mucil.'
Rhcumatism is caused by uric acid in
the bleed. Healthy kidneys take all the
Uric Acid out OF the blood. Dodd's Kid.
pcy Pills make healthy kidneys.
The Cooperstown courier. (Cooperstown, Griggs Co., N.D.) 1902-1913, 1905-06-08

woman on The pavement. cause 1t
seemed to me you couldn't tell which
was fat woman and which Was man.
never saw such . change in q
man as there was in dad. after he
got his second wind and got his
voice working. He looked like q
man who had made up his mind to
lead different life and begin right
there. There was Salvation Army
man and woman in the crowd and dad
went up TO them. He took out five
dollar bill and put it in the tambourine
of the lassie. and said to the man and
woman: Now. look here, | want to
join your church. and If you have got
the facilities for giving me the degrees,
you can sign mo as a Christian right
now. have been bad man, and nev.
or thought needed the benefits Of re-
ligious training, but since l got up
here, so near Heaven, in an elevator
which l will bet $40 will break and
kill us all before we get down to Paris.
want you to prepare me for the here
after quick"
Some of the other fellows laughed at
dad, and the Salvation Army people
looked as though dad was drunk. but
he continued: You can laugh and be
jammed, but I'll never leave this
place until am pious man. and you
Salvation Army people have got to en-
list me in your army. for l am scared
plum to death. Go ahead and convert
me, while we wait" The Salvation
Army captain put his hand on dads
head. the girl held out the tambourine
for another contribution, and dad felt
a sweet peace come over him, and we
went down in the elevator and took a
hack to the hotel, and dads lips
worked as though in pain. H.
The Cooperstown courier. (Cooperstown, Griggs Co., N.D.) 1902-1913, 1905-06-08
Electric-Wave Clocks.

The distinguished maker of scientific
instruments in Paris, Bigourdan, has
experimentally demonstrated the prac-
ticability of operating system of
clocks by wireless telegraph signals.
The method, he claims, would be both
simpler and cheaper than the present
system, which requires the use of un-
derground wires. The new plan uses
a central clock, operating every second
an electric contact which actuates an
oscillator. The signals are transmit
ted to the receiving clocks from an ele-
waited mast. With the aid of chrono-
graph band, and recording pen the sig
nails can be read within two one hum
dredths of q second. The experiments
we're made over distance Of one mile
and fifth, which might be increased.
Youths Companion.
The Cooperstown courier. (Cooperstown, Griggs Co., N.D.) 1902-1913, 1905-06-08
BIGGEST YEAR OF EXPORTS
Over 1000, 900 Greater Than for
Any Similar Period in the
Country's History.

The export record of the United
States in the 10 months ending with Oc-
tober, 1904, just presented by the de-
partment of commerce and labor
through its bureau of statistics, is espe-
cially noteworthy in view of the fact
that despite the unusually small exports
of breadstuffs the total value OF exports
of all kinds is larger than in any pre-
ceding year ending with the date above
named. states the Washington Star.
The exports of breadstuffs in the ten
months ending with October are less
than half in value those of the corre-
spending period of 1903 or 1902, and only
one-third as much as in the correspond
ing period of 1901 or 1899. Yet, despite
the fact that the value of breadstuffs en-
ported falls $50. 900, 900 below the record
for the corresponding period OF last
year and $15S,O00,0 900 below the record
for the corresponding period of 1901, the
total value of all merchandise exported
in the II months ending October. 1904.
is $6O,OOO,OOO greater than in the cor
responding period of last year, and ex-
ceeds by nearly $10.0OO00O the largest
total ever known in II months period
ending with October.
This remarkable fact, that despite q
loss of from $S6,00O,000 to s15S,0OO, 900
in exports OF one group of articles, the
grand total of exports exceeds that OF
any preceding year, is accounted for
chiefly by corresponding growth in the
expectation of manufactures as group
and raw cotton.
Among the articles grouped by the bu-
reau of statistics under the general term
of manufactures, iron and steel manu-
features show for the nine months for
which a record is already at hand 500
100000 increase over the corresponding
period of the preceding year; copper an
increase of $23,000,OOO and mineral oil
an increase of about SIC, 900, 900, while in
most other manufactured articles the
figures for 1904 show little change as
compared with those of the mmediately
preceding year
The Cooperstown courier. (Cooperstown, Griggs Co., N.D.) 1902-1913, 1905-06-08

TO q potent-ate. and so when we got
to the Jail dad had TO be rescued from
his wives, and they were driven into a
side street by the police, and dad was
locked up to save his life. Tho re-
porter and l went to the Jail TO get
him out, but We had to buy new suit
of clothes for him, as everything was
torn of him in the Mormon rush. Dad
was a sight when We found him in
Jail. and he thought ais bones were
broken, and he wanted to know what
was the cause of his sudden popularity
with the fair sex, and l told him it all
came from his looking SO confounded
distinguished and his flirting with
women. He said he would swear he
never looked at one of those women in
tone Of voice that would deceive a
The Cooperstown courier. (Cooperstown, Griggs Co., N.D.) 1902-1913, 1905-06-08
Are the Packers Receiving Fair Pla

Are the Packers Receiving Fair Playe
When the Garfield report on the
business methods of the packers ap-
pearcd. after eight months investiga-
ton, it was severely criticised and
rouNdly denounced. After three
months of publicity it is significant
that those who attempted to discredit
1t have failed to controvert the figures
contained in that exhaustive document.
The 3ablic is beginning to notice this
omission, and the feeling is rapidly
growing that the sensational charges
out OF which the Beef Investigation"
arose We're without foundation. If the
Official statements of the report are
susceptible Of contradiction, a good
many people are now asking why the
facts and figures are not furnished to
contradict them.
Tho truth seems to be that most of
the charges contain unfounded sensa-
tional assertions. A fragrant example
of thls appeared in a recent article in
an Eastern magazine, to the effect that
forty Iowa banks were forced to close
their doors in 1904 by the Beef
Trusts manipulation of cattle prices. {"
Chief Clerk Cox, of the banking de-
partment of the Iowa State, Auditors
Office, has tabulated the list of banks
given In the magazine article and has
publicly denounced the statement as
utterly untrue. He gives separately
the reasons for each failure mentioned
and officially states that they have
been caused by unwise speculations
and by reckless banking methods 1t
may be we'll to suspend judgment upon
the packers until the charges against
them are proved.
The Cooperstown courier. (Cooperstown, Griggs Co., N.D.) 1902-1913, 1905-06-08

back ana sides. For time was unable
to walk Mt all, and every makeshift
tried and oil the medicine took had
not the slightest effect. My back con-
tinued to grow weaker until began
taking Doan's Kidney Pills, and must
say ] was more than surprised and
gratified to notice the backache disap-
pearing gradually until It finally
stopped"
Doan's Kidney Pills sold by all deal
ers or by mail on receipt of price, -
cents per box. Foster-Milburn Co,
Buffalo. N. Y.
The Cooperstown courier. (Cooperstown, Griggs Co., N.D.) 1902-1913, 1905-06-08

Sunday school teacher, and he felt as
though he was being misunderstood in
France. We told him the only way to
get out Of Jail was to say he was a
crowned head from Oshkosh, travelling
incog, and when he began to stand on
his dignity and demand that mes
senger be sent for the president of
France, to apologize for the treatment
he had received. the jailer and police
begged his pardon and we dressed him
up in his new clothes and got him out.
and we went 10 the Eiffel tower to get
some fresh air.
l suppose you have seen pictures OF
the Eiffel tower. on the advertisements
Of breakfast food in your grocery, but
you can form no idea of the height and
magnificence Of the tower by studying
advertisements. You may think that
the pictures you see of world events on
your cans of baked beans and maple
syrup and soap, give you the benefit of
foreign travel, but it does not. You
have got to see the real thing or you
are not fit to even talk about what you
Ferris wheel at the Chicago worlds
fair, and how we thought it was the
greatest thing ever made Of steel. so
high that it made us dizzy to look to
the top of it, and when We went up on
the wheel we thought we could see the
world. from Alaska to South Africa,
and we marveled at the work of man
and prayed that we be permitted to get
down off that wheel alive. and not be
spilled down through the rarified Chi
cago atmosphere and tiattened on the
pavement so thin we would have to be
scraped up off the pavement with a
case knife, like buckwheat cake that
sticks to the griddle.
You remember, old man, how you
cried when our sentence to ride in the
Ferris wheel expired, and the jailer Of
the wheel opened the cell and let US
out, and you said no one would ever
get you to ride again on anything that
you couldn't jump out Of If it baked. or
you got wheels in your head and
chunks of things came up to your Ad
ans apple end choked you. Well, cross
my heart, if that Ferris wheel, tina,
looked SO big to u.s. would make main
spring for the Eiffel tower. That tower
is higher than kite, and when you
get near it and try to look up to the
top, you think it is joke, and that
really no one actually goes up to the
top of it, You see some flies up around
the top of it, and when the guide tells
you the flies crawling around there are
men and women, you think the guide
has been drinking.
But dad and l and the guide paid our
money, got into an elevator and began
to go up. After the thing had been 60
ing up awhile dad said he wouldn't go
up more than mile or so at first, and
asked the man to let him of at the
3,O00-foot level, but the elevator man
said dad had got to take all the degrees
and dad said: Let her went" and
after an hour or 80 we got to the top.
Gee! but thought dad would fall
dead right there, when he looked of
at Paris and the world beyond. The
The Cooperstown courier. (Cooperstown, Griggs Co., N.D.) 1902-1913, 1905-06-08
The Bad Boy Writes More from Paris
Dad Poses as Mormon Bishop
and They Climb the Einel Tower.

BY HON. GEORGE w. PECK.
Ex-Governor of Wisconsin. Formerly Pub
Usher of Pecks Sun, Author of
'Peck's Bad Boy" Etc.)
Copyright. 1906. by Joseph B. Bowles.)
Paris. France.-Old Pardner in
Crime: got your letter, telling me
about the political campaign that is
raging at home, and when l read 1t to
dad he wanted to go right out and fill
up on campaign whisky and yell for his
presidential candidate, but he couldn't
find any whisky, SO he has not tried to
carry any precincts of Paris for our
standard-bearer.
There is something. queer about the
liquor here. There is no regular cam
paign beverage. At home you can Sc
lect drink that is appropriate for any
stage Of campaign. When the NOM
nations are first made you are not ex
cited and beer and cheese sandwiches
seem to fit the case. A little later,
when the orators begin to come out
into the open and shake their hair, you
take cocktails and your eyes begin to
resemble those of Gagged rat, and you
are ready to quarrel with an opponent.
The next stage in the campaign is the
whisky stage, and when you have got
plenty of it the campaign may be said
to be open, and you wear black eyes
and lose your teeth, and you
swear strange oaths and smell OF
kerosene, and only sleep in the morn
ing. Then election comes and if your
side wins you drink all kinds of things
at once for week, shout hoarsely and
then go to the Kelley cure, but if your
party loses you stay home and take
course of treatment for nervous pros
tration and say you will never mix up
in another campaign.
Here in France it is different. The
people have nervous prostration to
start on, start campaign on cham
payne, wind up on absinthe, and after
the votes are counted go to an insane
asylum. do not know what first got
dad to drink absinthe and don't know
what it is, but it looks like soap suds
tastes like seed cookies and smells like
The Cooperstown courier. (Cooperstown, Griggs Co., N.D.) 1902-1913, 1905-06-08

vermifuge. But it gets there just the
about the same as the result of drink
ing anything in France-it makes you
want to hug somebody.
At home when a man get full on
whisky, he wants to hug the man he
drinks with and weep on his collar,
and then hit him on the head with a
bottle; but here every kind of drink
puts the drinker in condition to want
to hug. Dad says he never knew he
had brain until he learned to drink
absinthe. but now he can close his eyes
and see things worse than any mince
pie nightmare, and when we go out
among people he never sees man at
all, but when woman passes along,
dads eyes begin to take turns wink
ing at them and it is all can do to
keep him from proposing marriage to
every woman he sees.
thought I would break him of this
woman foolishness, SO told everybody
dad was Mormon bishop, and had a
grand palace at Salt Lake City, and
owned millions of gold mines and tab
ernacles and wanted to marry thous-
and women and take them to Utah and
place them at the head of homes Of
their own, and he would just cali once
or twice a week and leave bags of gold
for his wives to spend. A newspaper
reporter, that could talk English, wrote
piece for paper about dad wanting
to marry whole lot and he said life
in Utah was better than Turkish har-
EN-, cause the wives of Mormon bish-
op did not have to be locked up and
watched by unix, but could flirt and
blow in money and go out to dances
and have just as much fun as though
they lived in Newport, and had got
divorces from millionaires, and he said
any woman who wanted to marry
Mormon bishop could meet dad on the
bullyvard near certain monument, on
q certain day.
was on to it. with the reporter, and
we hired carriage and went to the
bullyvard, just at the time the news
paper said and put big red badge ON
dads breast, with the word bishop on
1t, and dad had been drinking absinthe
and he thought the badge was kind
Of sign of nobility. Well, you'd abide
to see the bunch of women that were
there to meet dad. Whats the matter
here?" said dad, as he saw the crowd
of women, looking like they were
there in answer to an advertisement
for nurses. told dad to stand up in
the carriage, like Dowie does in Chi
cago. and hold out his hands and say:
"Bless you, my children" and when
dad got up to bless them, the reporter
and got out of the carriage, and the
reporter, which could talk French, said
for all the women who wanted to be
Mormon wives to get into the carriage
with the bishop and be sealed for life.
Well, sir, you'd thought it was a
remnant sale! More than a dozen got
into the carriage with dad, and about
400 couldn't get in, but when the scared
driver started up the horses, they all
followed the carriage, and then the
mounted police surrounded the who're
bunch and moved them off towards the
police station, and dad under the wag-
on load of females, each one trying to
get the nearest to him, so as to be his
favorite wife.
It got noised around that foreign
potent-ate mad been arrested with his
whole harem for conduct unbecoming
The Cooperstown courier. (Cooperstown, Griggs Co., N.D.) 1902-1913, 1905-06-08

flies we had seen at the top before
starting had changed to human beings,
all looking pale and scared, and the
human beings on the ground had
changed into flies and bugs, for all you
could see of man on the ground was
his feet with a fattened plug hat some
way fastened on the ankles, and
woman looked like a spoonful of rasp-
berry jam dropped on the pavement,
or a splash of current jelly moving or
the ground in a mysterious way. do
not know as the Eiffel tower was in
tended TO act as a Kelley cure, but OF
the so people who went up with us.
half Of them wers so full their back
teeth were floating, including dad and
the guide, but when we got to the top
and they got view of the awful height
to which We had come, 1t seemed as
though every man got sober at once,
and their tongues seemed to cleave to
the roof of their mouths. All they could
do was to look of at the city and the
view in the distance, and choke up.
and look sorry about something.
couldn't help thinking of what sort
of q pulp man would be II he fell OF
the top of the tower and struck a fat
The Cooperstown courier. (Cooperstown, Griggs Co., N.D.) 1902-1913, 1905-06-08
The Truth 1raaks Out.

"Now, of course. DOCTOR" said the man
upon whose eye the operation had been
performed, 81 respect your skill highly,
to you, little too much to charge $50
for doing a bit of work that occupied you
about five minutes?"
my good SIR" said the great oculist.
Fastening to the defense of himself and
his profession, YOU don't realize that in
acquiring the skill to perform such an
operation in five minutes have spoiled
perhaps two bushels Of eyes quite AZ val.
liable as yours!"-N. y. Times.
The Cooperstown courier. (Cooperstown, Griggs Co., N.D.) 1902-1913, 1905-06-08

Just Discrimination In Railway Aatso
All railroad men qualified to speak
on the subject in responsible way are
likely to agree with President Samuel
Spencer, OF the Southern railway, VIXEN
he says: There is no division of opin-
ion as to the desirability Of stopping
all secret or unjustly discriminatory
devices and practices Of whatsoever
character"
Mr.. Spencer. in speaking Of unjust
1y discriminatory" rates and devices,
makes a distinction which is at once
apparent to common sense. There may
he discrimination in freight rates which
!s just, reasonable and imperatively re-
quired by the complex commercial and
geographical conditions with which ex-
pert rate makers have to deal. To abol-
ish such open and honest discrimination
might paralyze the industries Of cities,
states and whole sections of our national
territory.
This distinction between Just and un.
just discrimination is clearly recognized
in the conclusions Of the International
Railway Congress, published yester-
day:
Tariffs should be based on commercial
principles, taking into account the special
conditions which bear upon the CONNER
cia1 value of the services rendered. With
the reservation that rates shall be charged
without arbitrary discrimination to all
shippers alike under like conditions. the
making Of rates should as far a. possible
have all the elasticity necessary to permit
the development Of the trafic and to pro.
duce the greatest results to the public ana
to the railroads themselves"
The present proposal is, rs Mr.. Walker
d. Hines. of Louisville, showed in his
remarkable testimony the other day
before the senate committee at Wash
ington, to crystalline flexible and Justly
discriminatory rates into fixed govern
ment rates which cannot be changed
except by the Intervention Of some gov
eminent tribunal, and by this very
process to increase ''the temptation to
depart from the published rate and the
lawful rate in order to meet some over
towering and urgent commercial con-
dition."-New York Sun.
The Cooperstown courier. (Cooperstown, Griggs Co., N.D.) 1902-1913, 1905-06-08
Agricultural ana Horticultural Col
onies on the Kansas City
Southern Railway.

Lockcsburg Colony in Sewer County,
Arkansas, containing about 10000 acres, and
Loring Colony in Sabine Parish, Louis.
lana, containing about "a coo acres, are now
open for settlement. Lands range in price
from 100 to $500 per acre, and are sold
burg Colony is well suited for General
Farming, stock raising and commercial
fruit growing. Loring Colony lies in a
splendid fruit, truck and tobacco region,
and is good for corn and cotton also. Both
are situated in beautiful country, with
q healthy climate and excellent water.
Write for books concerning Lockcsburg and
Maa ns e =" W S4a Guf5e1s
4. G. S. Ry., Kansas City, No.; f. E.
Roesler, Immigration Agt., x. c. S. Ry.,
Kansas City, Mo.
The Cooperstown courier. (Cooperstown, Griggs Co., N.D.) 1902-1913, 1905-06-08
Similar Symptoms.

Are you a married man." asked the
lawyer. who was doing the cross-exam-
lining.
NO." answered the witness, who had
one arm in a sling and traces of tho
strenuous life on his face. Il was run
over by an automobile last week. -
Chicago Daily News.
The Cooperstown courier. (Cooperstown, Griggs Co., N.D.) 1902-1913, 1905-06-08
An Improvement.

Mrs Newed-Oh, Jack! 1 bought =
darling of cook book to-day.
Viewed (uneasily)-I thought all cook
books were alike?
Mrs. Newed-So did l.; but this perfect
gem gives 200 ways of entertaining
cooks, and also a great, big list of sub
jects they're touchy about.-Brooklyn
Life.
The Cooperstown courier. (Cooperstown, Griggs Co., N.D.) 1902-1913, 1905-06-08
EVERY WALK IN LIFE.
A. A. Boyee, .f.rssr. living shrss

ouA n0"
miles fro m
Ire n to n,
Mo-, says:
"a severe
cold settled
in my kid
neys and de-
veloped so
quickly that
Iwasobliged
to lay off
work on nc.
count of the
aching in nv
The Cooperstown courier. (Cooperstown, Griggs Co., N.D.) 1902-1913, 1905-06-08
Giving It Straight.

0AVAA6 ~ 0tIdA60Is
"Oh, mother, such change has come
over George!"
Didn't l warn you that he woul. be
mean about money!"
cts not that; but before we were
married he always took cloves or some.
thing; and now he doesn't make the leas;
The Cooperstown courier. (Cooperstown, Griggs Co., N.D.) 1902-1913, 1905-06-08
Way It Affects You.

Owe explained to YOU what trunk and
'bIancn' mean" said the teacher of the
botany class; now who can tell me what
sprls' mcans?"
NJ know" cried Tommy, at means
ySlve got cold in your head when
YOU try to say spring Philadelphia
Public Ledger.
The Cooperstown courier. (Cooperstown, Griggs Co., N.D.) 1902-1913, 1905-06-08

1t is proposed when certain Atchison
man dies to place his automobile over his
grave as a monument He has spent so
many happy hours under it" people say.
-Atchison Globe.
The Cooperstown courier. (Cooperstown, Griggs Co., N.D.) 1902-1913, 1905-06-08

Piso'. Cure for Consumption is an infalli
bic medicine for coughs and colds:--N; w
Samuel. Ocean Grove. N. j., Feb. II, 1900.
The Cooperstown courier. (Cooperstown, Griggs Co., N.D.) 1902-1913, 1905-06-08

Rain may be all right for growing crops,
but4it brings no joy to the baseball fan
Chicago Chronicle.