The San Francisco call., 1905-04-02
By Henry wallace Philips.

II II i
II have to stand good for any Of
Hy's stories! Still. some of
what 1 considered his most out
rageous lies afterward received
strong and unexpected confirmation.
FOR instance, the manner in which he
earned his sobriquet Of Hydraulic"
Smith l thought was pure fable, but
no less man than his former employer
said that il was fact in every essential
Smith got his front name while work
ing in a big hydraulic camp in Idaho.
de was nozzleman- One day in an
unusually merry mood he turned the
monitor loose on a crowd of China
men who were working over tailfnss.
And if ever you, saw felt shoes and
pigtails flying in the air twas then,
said Hy. 1T looked for all the world
like Old Faithful had spouted in
pon-parTot cage. I don't know why 1
done it, no more than the man in the
moon-it was one Of them idees that
takes hold Of you. and gets put through
before you can moren reelize you're
Of it-but it was the greatest success of
its kind 1 ever see. We had q two
hundred-foot head Of water and a six
inch stream, and I might say that there
was a yaller haze of Cinnamon in the
atmosphere for the next ten seconds.
I piped one Charley-boy right over the
top Of tool shed.
We'll. our boss was a mighty kind
hearted man, and when that crowd Of
splitting. foaming, gargling. gobbling
Cinnamon went to him and began to
pour out their troubles like several
packs of frecrackers going off at oncet,
waving all the arms and legs 1 hadn't
knocked out of commission, he was het
UP considerable He never waited TO
hear my side Of the story, but just
rolled up his pants and waded into me
up to the hooks; he read me my pedi-
gree from Adams wife's sister down to
now. and there wasn't a respectable
person in it. according to him.
I didn't like it. and 1 made a swipe
for him with a shovel; but he was too
soopIe for me, and Of all the lickings
1 ever got that is the one 1 don't want
10 remember the most. He did a sort
of double-shuffie fandango on my
back, while he brought my legs into
the argument with a sluice rake.
When he asked me IL I had had
do for the present, because, as a mat
ter Of fact, If all I had more than
enough was money IN the bank, would
not have done no more work for the
rest OF my days.
$50 then he calls me UP and gives
me my time, and I must say he treated
me square when he said goodby.
You're the best darn man on a
monitor lever that I ever did see,' says
be, but anywhere else you're the fool
est combine OF small boy and dare
devil, and some other queer thing that
don't seem 20 be able TO find a nane
for, that ever numbered this earth.
Now, get the - out Of this, and good
luck TO you
Il didn't feel a bit sorry for them
Chinamen-they'r only hairless mon
keys that don't even know enough to
wear their tails In the right place.
Their arithmetic proves that It's reg
ular monkey fggering. They haven't
any numbers that look like numbers at
ell. Suppose you want to multiply
twenty-five BY thirty-six, Chinee sys-
temf First you put down a rooster's
foot track; that's twenty-five. Under
meath that goes the ground plan Of .
small house; that's thirty-six. Then
you take an hour OF, and work out the
sum with lot OF little balls on wires;
then you put down the answer, and
what DO you think Il Isl Why, It's q
map OF Chicago after the flrel Shucksl
And they call themselves men. I'd 90
old Job three hollis to his one rather
than have any Chinks around me.
well. the boys labeled me Hydraulic
Smith from that on. and went pros
pecting Took up with feller named
Agamemnon G. Jones. Aggy was q big.
fne-looking man, with chest like q
dry-goods box and q set OF whiskers
that would start him In business any
where. They were the upstandingest.
noblest, straightforwardest outfit OF
urhiskers I most ever saw, and how
they come to grow on Ag is a mystery;
but they stood him IN many a dollar,
I tell you thatl
He was a man of pretty consider
able education in some ways and he
could make you believe that to-day
was last Thursday week ago If you
weren't on to him. At this time he
was kind Of under cloud. like myself,
and the way it came about was this:
"He started an assay Office when he
first struck the gulch and he used TO
bring in results according to the looks
Of the customer. II the man looked
tender around the feet Aggy'd knock
it to him, and probably the shave-tail
would be so pleased that he would
fork out an extra ten; but IL he was
plainly vented as one Of the boys there
would be just enough pay In the re-
turn to encourage him.
Next he took UP engineering. He
hit a blame good Job on Castle Creek.
in the Black Hills. The people wanted
TO turn the creek through a tunnel, so
that they could work the bed, and at
this point II was rather an easy busi-