Mexico Missouri message. (Mexico, Audrain County, Mo.) 1899-1918, 1905-11-09

ton, and we went and ate all there
was. and when the time was up the
detective disappeared and dad had to
pay for the luncheon, but he kicked all
the way 70 London, and the guard
would not listen to his complaints, but
told him II he tried TO hold up tie
train he would be thrown out the Yin
dow and run over by the train. We
had the compartment to ourselves the
rest OF the way to London, except
about an hour, when the guard showed
in a farmer who smelled like COWS,
and dad tried 10 get in a quarrel with
him, about English roast beef coming
from America, but the man didn't have
his arguing clothes on, 20 dad began
TO find fault with me. and the man
told dad to let up on the kid or ne
would punch is bloody ed on. That
settled IT, when the man dropped his
a." dad thought he was one Of the
nobility, and he got quite chummy
with the Englishman, and then we got
to London, and dad had a quarrel
about his baggage. and after threaten
ing TO have a lot Of fights he got his
trunk on the roof OF a cab, and IN
about an hour we got to the hotel, and
then the fog began an engagement II
the fog here ever froze stiff, the town
would look like a piece Of ice with
FISH frozen in. Gee, but / would like
to have it freeze in front Of our hotel,
so l could take an ak and go out and
chop a frozen girl out, and thaw her
till she came to.
Say, old man, II anybody ever wants
to treat you to a trip to Europe, don't
come here. but go to some place where
they don't think they can speak Eng
glish. You can understand a Nltallan
or a Frenchman or a DutchmRn, who
can't speak English, and knows he
can't, better than you can an English
man who thinks he can speak Eng
lish, and can't, don't you know
Everything is don't you know II
a servant gives you an evening paper
he says: 'Ere's your paper, don't
you know and II q man should
don't say they would, but If man
should give you a civil answer, when
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he would look at you as though you
were a cannibal, and say: Regent
street, don't you know and then he
would act as though you had broken
him Of his rest. Dad asked more than
a dozen men where Bill Aston lived,
and Of all the population Of London |
don't believe anybody knows, except
one newsboy. We rode half a day on
top Of bus, through streets so crowd
ed that the horses had to creep and
dad hung on for fear the bus would
be tipped over, and finally we got out
into the suburbs, where the rich peo-
pie live, and dad said we were right
on the trail of King Edward. and we
got off and loltered around, and dad
saw beautiful place, with a big iron
fence, and a gate as big as a railroad
bridge, and dad asked a newsboy who
lived there, and the boy made up a
face at dad and said: 'H'astor, you
bloke,' and he put out his hand for a
tip. It was the first civil answer dad
had received in London, so he gave the
boy a dollar. The boy fell over on
the sidewalk, dead, and dad started to
go away for fear he would be arrest
ed for murder, but | kicked the boy,
and he got up and yelled some kind
Of murdered English, and more than
a dozen newsboys came on a gallop,
and when the boy told them what had
happened they all wanted dad to ask
them questions.
Il told the boys dad was Andrew
Carnegie, and that he was giving away
millions Of dollars, so when dad got
to the gate Of the beautiful H'astor
place, the boys yelled Andrew Carne-
gle, and a turnkey flunked the gate
open and dad and went in, and
walked up to the house. Astor was on
the veranda, smoking a Missouri corn
cob pipe, and drinking American beer.
and seemed to be wishing he was
back home in America. Dad marched
right up to the veranda like a veteran
soldier and Aston could see dad was
an American by the dandruff on his
coat collar, and Astor said:
"'You are an American citizen and
you are welcome. Once / was like you,
and didn't care a continental for any
body, but in a moment of passion
renowned my country, swore al
legiance to this blawsted country, and