The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1905-08-16

On n Occas ion when he saw that the
princess was not hearing me distinctly
he said softly to me. mfr. Wilder.
kindly turn your face toward the prin.
cess"
A Polite Princess.
And her royal highness is as tactful
as he. The audience ut a special en-
tertainment given the shah of Persia
In London included the most distin-
guished and wealthy people in the city.
I was among those engaged to enter
tain the shah, beside whom sat the
princess nov Queen Alexandra). As
his Persian majesty was ignorant of
the English language, it was not
strange that he held his programme
upside down. This might have occa-
stoned a laugh and caused the shah
some modification had not the prin-
cess deftly turned her own programme
upside down and kept it so during the
performance.
Croker and the Clock.
During one of my visits to Richard
Croker at Vantage his son Bert was
fond of getting up early in the norm
ing to hunt mushrooms, and in order to
be awakened he would set an alarm
clock. EARLY morning in England
II ut that season of the year was
from : to I o'clock. for dawn comes
much earlier than with us. His father
did not wish him to arise so early, so
he would . % softly into Bert's room
and turn off the alarm. to assure a full
nights s!ccp for the boy. The fact
that he could not hear the alarm wor-
ricl Bert sd greatly that he placed the
clock Direct y over his head. hanging it
to a string from the ceiling. But even
in this position Mr.. Croker succeeded
in Eanipui l.ing it, and he gleefully
told me of it at the time.
Before starting from London for
Vantage ONE day Mr.. Croker asked me
to go to Il furniture dealer with him:
he had somc purchases to make. AS
we entered the place he said to me,
We've only half III hour in which to
catch the train" But the way he
bought furniture Gid not make him
lose the train. lie would say, pointing
to Il dresser:
"Iiow much is that!
"SiX guil cas-. sir"
"Giyc mo six OF them"
Pointing to another:
GLOW M, ch is that one"
"Five gulpcas. sir"
swell, seven of those" and so on.
With such rapid fire, vcn though he
expended more than Il thousand dol
lars, and not ut l%,aphazard either. there
was ample time to catch the train.
The incident. though slight in itself. is
Indicative Of his puickness Of decision,
but it so utterly upset the dealer. ac-
customcd to English elaboration, that
he begged permission to wait until
next day to prepare IN itemized bill.
Past Masters Of Sarcasm.
l went one day into a London res.
taurant where a great many people
were dining, yet absolute silence pre-.
vailed instead of the buzz Of chatter
and laughter Of a French or American
restaurant. asked n waiter:
doesn't any one yer laugh here?"
"Yes, SIR, he replied. "Sometimes
we ave ca mplaints, SIR"
The first natives to accost an Amer
lean are the "cabbies." and they are a
never failing source Of amusement to
me. They abound In natural wit and
are past masters of sarcasm. One Of
the sharpest bits l ever heard was told
about an old cabby and one Of his
younger fellows. The former was a
master Of whip and rein. He boosted
that he knew every foot Of London and
declared that. although he had been in
many tight places. he had never failed
to drive out smoothly. One day, how
ever, he lost control OF his horse md
ran into a young cabby's outfit. The
younger man looked him over conde-
scendingly. contemptuously. and then
asked:
swell? AM 'Ow do you like Lon
donY
A friend OF mine nee took a cab
drawn by an animal which was bony
in the extreme. The driver has hailed
by the .Jell n of a passing cab with:
"Oi sally. Bill. l see yer goin' to ave
n new 'orse."
400 told yer soY"
"W'y. l see we got the framework
there"
The Mercful Policeman.
Every summer when l revisit Eng
land some Old acquaintance is sure to
say, "Mr. Wilder, those stories you
told last year are awfully funny" 1t
has really taken him about Il year to
get at the points Of the various tales.
He doesn't lack appreciation of hulnOr,
but he Is so accustomed to having it
served in only II way that he is
puzzled when it appears in Il new
form. On day l told IN English au-
dience about New YOrk's fire depart
ment and its methods. Great interest
was manifested, so ] ventured to tell
%lAaA Ill s4ans. e = iaa L. aa ;shlisa mil