The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-08-04
HUMOR or THE Day

/ HUMOR OF THE Day
You lost your money in Wall street did
Il wouldn't say lost it," answered the
precise though unworldly man. The word
lost implies a remote possibility of its be-
ing found ain.''-Wa shington Star.
Biu-You don't mean to say that mos
quito bites caused those Jumps on your
head?
Willis-No that is where I hammered
myself batting at them.-Exchange
.Tomkyns is delighted with the new
apartment house be moved into last
spring. He is going to marry a girl on the
Marrying beneath him, Ell? Poor old
Tomkyns. Cleveland Plain Dealer.
Rev DR. Torker-I'm pleased to see that
you have found grace" y
Fargorn-Excuse me, but her name is J
ins.-Life
You are not saying as much about the
No" answered Farmer CorntosseI
There's altogether too much temptation
for man to keep chasin' octopuses when
he ought to be pickin' potato bugs
Washington Star.
Suitor-Fifteen thousand dollarsl A
splendid dowry, Mr. !saacstein! But you
know your daughter is decidedly y ,.
Suitor-By Jove! Twenty thousand She's
not so bad looking, after all-but still she's
| Isaacstein-Vat? Den I make it $4,000.
Suitor-My dear Mr.. Isaacstein, what a
wonderful beauty doctor you are!-Flie-
gende Batter.
Mrs. Van der Hamm-Percy, you must
not play with that common Maioney boy
any more.
Percy--Why not, mamma?
| Mrs. Van der Hamm-BecauSe he's no.
body. Why, he hasn't even a grandfather.
| Percy-Maybe not. but he's got a goat
| Cleveland Leader.
Mr.. Corrigan-How much d yez charge
| fer puli3n' teet'?
! Dentist-With gas, one dollar.
Mr.. Corrigan-An how much wild electric
loisht PUCK
Yes, my husband is credited with hav-
ing a great deal of ingenuity saed Mrs.
Newrich to her rural visitor
the visitor. If were you I'd try some
good liniment and castor oil It's bound
to cure EN- every time. milwaukee SEN
tinel-
Now. Tommy. remember Tommy's
Yes interrupted Tommy, who had
f1shin' an swimmin' an have a genial
good time ''-Philadelphia Press.
''I am so sorry for that blind be<gar
there
dollars laid away. Many Of them have
Maybe so, but think of being blind on
Canal street on wet muddy dayl"-New
| Orleans Times-Democrat.
You seem to like his attentions. Why
don't you marry him?
! Because 1 like his attentions. Town
and Country.
/ To xrrfco ord fS in
Jumpuppe-Yes. but they can't compare
| with the number of foolish ones that are
| spoken in earnest.-LYfe.
Mr. Woollimon-Loogy yuh.- now! Dis
amt right De whole country, fun de At
lantic TO de Specific, and fun Alphabet to
| Omaha, am full o. niggers-dey am right
| dignatiouS presentiment of de entiah pop
| uIarity, de niggers is! WELL and yit, sab,
| out o. all de states in de union dar amt a
single contaminated one of 'em named af-
| ter a cullud man! OATS scrimination, sab;
| sho's yo bawn It isl
Mr.. slewfoot-Humph No state named
| after culIud MANI What's de nattah
wild ashington-uh Puck.
Isn't Hussel going to take vacation
'h aN summer
| srWhy, he took one last summer"
| Eyes, but he was on salary then He's
a member of the firm now. "-Philadelphia
APress.
Tommy-Pop what is meant by the price
| of liberty?
| Tomny's Pop-Oh, suppose it has
something to do with tax on bachelors
Philadelphia Record.
| Its unfortunate" said Uncle Eben, dat
| a man don feel as much like swellin' up
| an gettin' proud over a good days work
| as he does over winnin a bet on de races"
Washington Star.
.Bleeker-.The chap across the hali has a
| monograph, hasn't he?
| Baxter-No, he's dentist, and is filling
Mrs Gabbitts teeth. She is trying to
| talk with two rubber bands, napkin,
| mirror and a drill in her mouth, that's all.
Puck.
| His Wife, put some poison on a piece
| of my angel cake and put it where the
| mice could set at 1t.
| Her Observation-Disclosures the object?
| His Wife, want to kill them
| Her Husband-But why waste the poi
son ?-Chicago Daily News.
POINTED PARAGRAPHS.
GFrom the Chicago News.I
Laws delay is the lawyers meat.
| Some people mistake patience for sense.
| Most men who pay as they go are very
| slow travellers
Gossip and ice cream spoons open many
| feminine mouths
No man with torpid liver can be a sue
| cessful optin1ist.
It sometimes happens that a man lies
| when he smiles and says nothing.
woman in politics is about as orna-