Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1905-05-27
dat he's too low-down fer Bouncer ter no.


an done an stanin' up In a row fer der
haids ter be putt on. 1 tell you dat wuz
mighty tickish time wen de Lawd have
al: an de halds pile up waitin' fer de owners
kase hit moughter bin dat de wrong
haid an body got toge'rr, er dey
moughter bin fined slanchways. er dey
rnoughter bin po' fit, but den dish yer
wuz de Lawd doin' dis, so in cose dar
want gwine be slp-up.
Come YER lion, seq de Lawd, sezee,
an femme putt yo' haid on; hits monst'ous
halyy; don keep me waitin'.
so lion he walked right up an got his
nald on in a jiH, an den shuk his name an
gin one big roar an went splungin' off inter
de woods.
Come yer. efalent.' seq de Lawd sezee
an wild dat efalent walk up an git his haid
on an go tws'in' an curtin his trunk an
raisin' up his voice 'twel de groun' plumb
shuk wild de SCUM
Come yer, boss SEE de Lawd. sezee an
wild dat boss prance up an git his haid on
an go off neighin' an r'arin an kickin up
his heels same z de bosses over yonner in
de 9aster.
Come yer. cow seq de Lawd sezee an
mis- cow Sa inter- UP an git her haid an
go off shakin her hawns an chewin' her
cud an mooin' lax she nightly please wild
hussef.
Come yer, dog seq de Lawd, sezee an
wild dat dog he go trottin up an git his
haid putt on an go off Vaughn his tail an
happin his years an barkin' at ev'yb dy
he meet.
Jesse 'twuz wild all de creeturs, fun de
efalent down ter lii oil mis- ant. an dey
come ter de turn er mistah crab he hilt
back, an he say, Nav, sub, scuse me,
sub, eff l ain come forwu'd.'
Iu'rr creeturs wuz all scannelize at his
imp ence, an dey nudge him an tell him
ter go long an quit his foolishness.
Come yer, crab,'' seq de Lawd. sezee,
an femme year wat 'scuses you kin mex
for dis 'havishness.'
Wild dat y,;c III
long, spindly laigs er his'n an went sidlin'
an teeterin' up in front er de Lawd, fer all
de WORT ez eff he wuz walkin' on stills.
Please sub, sezee. you mus 'scuse
me. sub. but l ain want you ter putt my
haid on me; knows tain gwine feel COM
fble. l wanster putt my own haid on
,kase hit stan ter reason dat l mus know
betterfn anyone else Wen hit feels jes
right
EFF you'll believe me, dar he stood. sassy
ez a jaybrd, 'sputin' an argyfyfn 'twel de
Lawd wuz plumb wo' out wild huNan' gin
him de haid, right side up, jes' de way
tWuZ ter be putt on. Crab he tucken hit
inter his claws an hysted hit up even wild
his body an clapped hit on. 'Ouchr sezee
dat KANT be right, feels sort er lopsided, >
an wild dat he gin hit a lii hitch ter one
side. Mo- wusser dan befo, 'Shucksv
sezee, dat won do; feel lax 1 sort er whop-
per-jawed, an he gin hit nu'rr lii hitch.
He KEEP hit up dat-a-way 'twel he had de
haid on plumb upside down an den he wuZ
SdSSllieu, an WluOuI so mucn 'thaNky
de ongrateful creetur putt out fer whar he
canned fun, witch 'tWuz down by de sea
Sho
But bless yo' soul. his idees wuz all
turn upside down long wild his haid. an
wat did he done but run backwards std
der forwu'ds.
Lawsy!' sezee, seem lax I ain gittin'
over de groun' same ez tu'rr creeturs.
Watts de marter wild me. Look lax evy
thing runnin way fun me stidder gittin'
clOStpr n hjt 'Snao' 7 90 "a m
AK bout dis
We'll. sub. he had de insurance ter go
backin' hisse'f up in front er de Lawd an
ak Him bout de marter but de I.awd jes'
shet spang down on him an toll i'm dat
sence he done tucken his haid in his
hans he mus stan de commonsquinces eff
'twan't putt on right.
liver sence den de crabs bin dom der
runnln backwu ds, an evy now an den
you II see EN- stop an do lax dey sort 'er
'stracted by hit an slide off lii ter one
sides an fiddle roun' wild dem spidery laigs
a III. an den go on erg'in. an folks tells
me dat eff crabs gifts oner dem laigS hurried
dey kin jes' drap hit off, easy ez wink, an
grow anurr jes' ez good ter teck hits place.
dat dey kin; an l KANT see wy tain fix
up so t folks kin do de same, 'kase pears
ter me dat folks got jes 'ez much use fer
laigs ez wat crabs is. an mebbe mo- So
But tain no use ter ak queschins bout de
runnin gear er dish yer WORT, 'kase dey
aim gwine be arnsered, an tain gwine
IiidiSc dc LAT udt CRAPS KIN grow new
laigs an folks KANT. Eff you turn outer
yo' way iii after one'r dem crabs he
gwine gin you a nip eff he git de chanct
an he look jes ez mad, skeedaddlin' back
wu'ds over the SAM ez eff he had a spite
gins de huh creashun kase he halter walk
backwu DIS. An l ses ter you, OATS de
way wild desc mulish folks all de worl'
over; tecks der own way bout ev'ything
an den wen hit don't gree wild en- wan
ster teck der spite out on folks Heap
easier ter git mad wild urr folks dan it's
wild yo'se'f
Now dats de tale, jes' ez 'twuz tor me
by a gal fun Baltimo'. an 1 reckon she
orter knowed all bout hit, 'kase dey tells
me Baltimo' is gret place fer crabs an
oysters an all sech truck ez dat wat we
don't grow in dis kyounty'
Just then little Kit gave Aunt Nancy an
unlucky hit on the elbow from a stick with
which he was playing. She seemed more
put out than the occasion warranted but
explained it by saying that if your crazy
bone was hit you were sure to be disap-
pointed. Ned, who was a very matter-of-
fact young person, inclined to believe only
in the things he saw, wanted to know if
she really believed in signs like that. AS
on a previous occasion, she expressed firm
faith and added that she believed there
was scarcely anything which happened that
was not a sign if you only knew how to
read 1t Alright.
''Urr folks" she said, has tuck notuss
er dat sidesen me, an dey done putt 'em
folks kin member 'em better. Mebbe l
kin gin you some un EN- Lessee, dars
one ses,
Right han itch, rub on wood
An say, come good, come good, come good;
Lef han itch, rub on brass
An say, come faS', come faS, come faS''
''Ef you'll say dem wu'ds an blow on yo'
han an den shet hit tight you gwine git
a present, sho, sooner er later Eff yo'
years itch, some I'm talkin' bout you an
you mus say ter yose'f,
'' Talk good, good betide you:
Talk bad, devil ride you
EFF yo' eye itch, you gwine see strau-
ger, an eff yo' mouf itch you gwine git a
kiss FUN a stranger. Sho. dar's mo- signs
dan you kin shake stick at, but you KANT
spec me ter think 'em all up ter onct 1
done gin you huff fer one time"
A Puzzling Trick
Take piece of writing paper about three
inches square. and with a lead pencil the
point of which has been dipped in water
draw circle, a square, a triangle, or any
other geemetrical figure. Put the paper
carefully on a pan of water, letting it float