Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1905-08-11
VII.
Bygones.


door Il must see you. Don't fall to stop
o here on your way back. Answer. Car
lotta."
Again she was at the station in her phae-
ton. Her first look. long before 1. was near
enough for speech. showed me how her
mood had changed; but she waited until
we were clear Of the town. Forgive me-"
she then said in the abrupt, direct manner
which was the expression Of her greatest
charm. her absolute honesty. I've got the
meanest temper in the world, but 1t don't
last, and as soon as you were gone l was
ashamed of myself"
Il don't understand why you are making
these apologies" said 1. "and l don't un-
derstand why you were angry"
That's what 1t means to be a man. she
replied. Your letter about your mother
made me furious. You hadn't ever urged
me to hurry up the wedding your own
account. And your letter made me feel as
IT, while you personally didn't care whether
we ever married or not. still for your
mothers sake you were willing toto sac
rifice yourself
Let me see my letter." said l.
II tore 1t into thousand pieces" said
she. But l don't mean that you really
wrote just that You didn't. But you made
me jealous of your mother, and my temper
got hold Of me- and then read the mean
est kind of things into and under and all
around every word. And-I'm sorry"
l could find nothing to say. 1 saw my
freedom slipping from me. l watched it,
neither tried nor wished to detain 1t. though
I could easily have made renewal Of our
engagement impossible. 1 have no explana-
ton for this conflict of emotions and mo-
tives.
Don't make 1t so hard for me-" she went
on. 4 never before in my life told anybody
l was sorry for anything, and 1 thought
l never would. But l am sorry, and-we'n
ma va od1
gust"
Still I found nothing to say. 1t was so
painfully obvious that. true to her training
she had not given and was not giving a
thought to the state of my mind and feel
ings. What she wished, that she would do
the rest did not interest her.
Are you satisfied, my lord?' she de-
manded Have l humbled myself suffi-
cienty?"
You haven't humbled yourself at ALL"
said I. You have only humbled me-"
She did not pause on my remark long
enough to see what it meant. Now that
mind telling you that 1 began to make my
preparations to be married on the first OF
August-when, do you thinkY'
"When?" I said.
The very day 1 got your nasty letter.
putting me second to your mother" And
she laughed, and was still laughing when
She added; so, you see, was determined
to marry you
to feel fattered."
mo. you oughtn't." she retorted. IT SIM
ply made UP my mind to marry you And
ia do 1t, no matter what it cost. I get
.nat from rather But I've got mothers
disposition, too-and that makes me far too
good for such cold, unsentimental, ambi-
tfous person as you"
Don't you think you're rather rash to
confess SO frankly-when I could still es
cape?"
Not at ALL" was her confident answer
Il know you, and so 1 know nothing could
make you break your word
There's some truth in that"-and ! hope
that 1 do not deceive myself in thinking 1
was honest there. More truth, perhaps,
than you guess"
She looked shrewdly at me-and friend
said she. "Nobody's eve. so bind as he
lets others think. It's funny, isn't 1t?
There are things in yoIr mind that you'd
never tell me, and things in my mind that
I'd never tell you. And each OF US guesses
most of them, without ever letting on"
She laughed queerly and struck the horse
smartly so that he leaped into gait at
which conversation was impossible.
When we resumed, the>subject was the
details of our wedding.
At home again. l found my mother too
III to leave her bed She had been i'll be-
fore-many times when she wouldn't con-
fess It, several times when she was forced
to admit il, but never before so i'll that she
could not dress and come downstairs. !
shall be up tomorrow She assured me. and
l almost believed her. She drew a letter
from under her pillow. This came while
you were away" she went on. II kept 1t
here because" a look of shame fitted
across her face. and then her eyes We're
steady and proud agan-"why should l be
ashamed of it? l had the impulse to de-
stroy the letter. and I'm not sure but THAT
I'm failing In my duty. .
tcck it-yes. 1t was from Boston, from
Betty. l opened 1t and fortunately had
rpVcplf against showing myself 10
nv mother. There was neither beginning
nor end, just single sentence;
From the bottom of my broken near ~ .
horror of discovering l had bound myseH
for life to coward -,
The shot went straight to the cehter VI
the target. But There lay my mother-
did she not have the right to determine
NV destiny-she who had given me my IRE
and her own? l tore up Bettys letter ana
7 Looked at mother and said: There's moth
ing In that to make me waVer-or feSiet;
II was the only lie I ever told her toid
II vel thank God, for she was convinced
and the look In her face repaid me 'hou
sand-fold. 1t repays me once more as
write.
Carlotta and 1 were married at her bed
side and she lived only until the next day
but one When the doctor told me OF the
long-concealed mortal disease that was
the cause of her going he ended with:
And Mr.. Saylor, It passes belief that she
managed to keep alive for hVe years L
can't understand It," But l understood
She simply refused to go until she felt that
her mission was accomplished.
I'VE must never forget her, said Car
lotta. trying to console me by grieving with
me.
did not answer-how could 1 EXPLAIN
Never forget her? On the contrary,
knew that 1 must forget. and that must
work and grow, and so heal the wound
and cover its scar. I lost not day In be-
ginning.
To those few succeeding months I owe
the power / have had all these years to
concentrate my mind upon whatever / will
to think about; for in those months /
fought the fght dared not lose-fought
1t and won. Let those who have never
loved talk OF remembering the dead.
I turned away from her grave with the
resolve that my first act Of power would
be to stamp out Dominick. But for him
she would not have gone for many year.
1t was his prosecutions that involved US IN
the miseries which wasted her and made
her fall victim to the mortal disease. 1t
was his mafignity that poisoned her last
years, which but for him would have been
happy
AS my plans for ousting Dunkirk took
shape l saw clearly that II he were to be
overthrown at once l must use part Of the
existing control of the machine OF the
party-it would take several years, at least
tl,~o I.,ll y t-.l,,