davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Bismarck daily tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, Dakota [N.D.]) 1881-1916, 1905-11-06
ANIMALS AND TOBACCO.

4 Dog That Smoked and a Parrot
That Chewel the Weed.
Most animals have an utter abhor,
says the, proprietor Of menage. ie l
have myself made even really fero-
cious dog turn tail simply by putting
smoke in its face, but do not recon-
mend, the means as one to be always
relied on
But to this rule, as to all others.
there are exceptions, and numerous in
stances are known of animals Pc sess
ing a positive love for The fragrant
weed. Dogs, it is well known, can be
taught to do almost everything but
talk, and in my early days was con
nected with circus which possessed
the unique attraction Of a terrier. wh:c.l
among other tricks had been ms tructei
in the art of smoking clay pipe. The
curious point was that the animal nc,
tually got, to enjoy It's. pipe and wou.d
Insist on having lat the usual time
every Sunday, as in the. performance
on week days .....-. ,s.-.'. ).
The parrot is per.laps Of all. BIRDS the
most apt to take up bad49labits. :. a.
friend Of mine has one which is pas.
sionately fond Of eating and chewing
tobacco. II given sufficient, quantity
the bird will make itself positively
drunk with the nicotine and will stag
ger about its cage In exact imitation OF
the actions of an intoxicated; human
being. Long practice has made the
bird something of connoisseur re-
specting its favorite luxury, and it now,
treats fine cut tobaccos with contempt.
Its particular delight is the plug af-
= fected by sailors. ...--,g.l,tsge =.
It Is among the simian tribes that to-
b9ccO loving quadrupeds are most FREE
Quent. This is probably owing to- the
monkeys overpowering faculty for i'm
itation, which sometimes gets it into
Z trouble. remember an amusing In
stance. A man after putting at ciga4
rette for a time threw it down near a
monkey which had been watching the
R proceedings intently The animal
snatcbed Il up and puffed gravely fora
few minutes. THEN a look Of intense
bewiiderment stole over It's face, and,
throwing the cigarette down, it retired
into d corner, evidently very iii.
A gentleman IA the north Of England
has monkey which Is addicted to
SNUFF. The animal has been taught to
take a pinch from the box of a vi itor
with all the eoirtly air 50 prevalent In
the days when spuf taking was the,
fashion London Tif Bits.
Bismarck daily tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, Dakota [N.D.]) 1881-1916, 1905-11-06
JEWISH HUMOR.
Its Flavor of Bitterness nnd It's SAT-
~ ire of Judaism.

Hts FLAVOR OF Bitterness aHd It's Sat-
ire of Judaism.
Renan said of the Jews, 1.-The Sem
itic people are almost entirely without
the power to laugh" Surely had he
looked for traces of Jewish humor in
the light which Heine casts back upon
Its dark tradition he would never have
made so sweeping a statement. For
eight years Heine lay upon his mat.
tress grave in Paris suffering excru
ciating agony. He deserved. he said,
to have awarded to him "the grand
medals of pain and misery" Leopold
Zunz said almost the same words of
the whole Hebrew people, IF there are
ranks in suffering, Israel takes prece-
dence of all the nations" The humor
of Israel is favored with bitterness and
plays round the greater subjects of
thought and of speculation; plays like
the humor Of a.man in pain.
= Listen to the lament Of satirist
born at Aries in 1887 who finds the
works of the Jewish law an intolerable
burden and seems to have come, Liz +
Heine, to the bitter conclusion tina,
judaism is not religion, it is a mis-,
fortune::" -
Oh, hapless sire. distraught with cares.
Whose wife to him male children bears,
For all of them. or rich or poor.
Have only suffering to endure.
This Is caused by the Jewish creed, p.
Whose yoke Is hard to bear indeed.
Its many laws and regulations g.
Which are unknown to other nations
Every Hebrew must observe 81. =
With watchfu1 eye and straining nerve;
Zen though he shares In public functions,
He still must follow their injunctions.
The Bible is not half enough; RI
CLOSES there are and other stun
In which he erudite must be,
Especially in theology, -. 49,
In all the Talmud may relate, ~a ~,
In authors quarrels and debate,
In things particularly small,
OF no significance at ALL
One more medieval quotation, this
time from the pen of a Barcelona Jew
The lines can hardly perhaps be called
humorous, but they illustrate with q
certain terse comedy the great value
set by the race upon three things
money, knowledge and domestic hap
piness. II a man has none of them the
poet has no better advice to give him
than to hold his tongue or to hang him
self: r. a. .l<
What is the most useful thing to any
man In life? -
knowledge or wealth or a good and Low.
l&s ing wife. 49,. Il +. -E.s-. %.
But If none Of these commodities man has
ever got h
Then by keeping golden silence he might
improve his lot. "gf
And IL he cannot do SO. that poor and hap.
less knave, rs
Then let him go away at once and dig
himself grave.
On his deathbed Heine made his last
joke, and it Is typically Jewish. RE
viewing his by no means irreproacha.
BILE past" he hoped that God might for
give him, "for c'est son met.er'-(that Is
his trade). Another story illustrates
yet more perfectly the bitter humor OF
the jew. It is the story of a dying
rabbi .who had been all his lifetime
extremely religious, but had likewise
always suffered much want and mis-.
cry. Do you know he said to those
In the sickroom, If after all the sad ex.
periences have had in the past there
Is no future life shall be greatly
amused London Spectator.
Bismarck daily tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, Dakota [N.D.]) 1881-1916, 1905-11-06
used to Begging.

Graspit (angrily)- What! More mon-
sey7 II you keep on you'll bankrupt
me. Then, after I'm dead, you will be
q beggar. Mrs Graspit Calmly Oh.
well. I'd be great deal better of than
some poor woman who never had any
experience In that line.
Bismarck daily tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, Dakota [N.D.]) 1881-1916, 1905-11-06
He Feared the Fairies.

In case heard at Athlone Quarter
Sessions (Ireland), about a fire, a
witness swore he had seen figures
dancing around the flames, and had
believed them to be fairies, or good
people" were holding revel where the
fire, occurred, and he was afraid to
interfere with their festivities.
Bismarck daily tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, Dakota [N.D.]) 1881-1916, 1905-11-06

Ward and Eddy counties reported
for August as well as September. No
reports were received from Billings,
D1ckey, Emmons, Foster, LaMoure,
Mcintosh, Mclean, Mercer, Oliver,
Pembina, Pierce, Ramsey, Richland,
Rolette,s' Towner and Williams coun-
ties. q. - i
Bismarck daily tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, Dakota [N.D.]) 1881-1916, 1905-11-06
STATE NEWS

The North Dakota EDITORIAL associa.
ton should get busy defending Editor
Crazy, one of its members, in his libel
suit. H. 49,
Gov. Sarles' national bank has had
it's charter renewed for 20 years more
of usefulness.
The state senatorship seems to be
causing loss of sleep in Pete Herbrand-
sons Trail county district.
Judging from the press comments
the opinion seems general that the
new Grand Forks papers mission is
solely to discipline the Herald and see.
that it gets no more state work. 1t
is probable, however that the new
paper will devote itself rather to
filling long felt want in the evening
newspaper field of the northern half
of the state.
=. y
The temperance people of the village
of Union, in Cavalier county, applied
the torch to the blind pig establish
ment of J. D. Barlow between 10 and
II o'clock Thursday forenoon, and the
building, with all of it's contents, was
totally destroyed. ~
Cavalier county took the banner. In
September there were eight births in
the county and no deaths. Kidder and
Benson counties come next with tsthree
to nothing" and ''two to nothing
respectively. 1t was a tie in Walsh
county-14 to IA, nip and tuck in
Stutsman with Is to IA, and in Wells
death won ont IA to 10.
A threshing engine boiler exploded
near Lehr Monday morning, causing
the instant death of Adam Reich and
Jacob Kramer. The boiler had been
cleaned out the day previous and the
cause of the accident is mystery, as
only a low pressure of steam was
shown by the guage. Reich was sit
ting on one of the drive wheels and
his body was cut in two in the region
OF the abdomen. Kramer was stand
ing directly behind the engine and
his body was badly mangled and
scalded. Reich leaves a wife and
family of two children and Kramer
leaves wife and seven children. Two
horses were also killed. The engine
Is a total wreck. The force of the
explosion drove the drive wheel trucks
to distance of twenty-five yards from
where the engine stood. The engine
and separator were both new this sea.
son. -. - .-ss.,. -
The little daughter of Rev. and Mrs.
Reeves of Devils Lake had a narrow
escape from death last week. The
little one accidentally got-hold of some
morphine tablets which were in a
medicine case, and ate some of them
before she was discovered. She fell
asleep and it was only through the
best efforts of three physicians that
the life of the little one was saved,
Mayville wants a good hotel and
wants it badly.
Governor Sarles has had two towns
named after him, has had a brand Of
cigars named after him, and now. set
OF Sarles souvenir post cards have
been issued by a Fargo dealer. That's
what it is to be popular. ~.
Land near Richardton is selling for
Sl6 an acre. Lots of it sold a couple
or three years ago for So. -.
+ me following business houses were
destroyed by fire at Kuhn: First State
Bank, Gackle G Co.'S. hardware store.
Grosz & Son, general merchandise.
ulm's drug store, Zelmer's store,
Central Telephone Office, barber shop.
Dr. Benn's Office, butcher shop, Head
quarters hotel, Messenger printing
Office, Mains land Office.
Bismarck daily tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, Dakota [N.D.]) 1881-1916, 1905-11-06
Total So. 254,621 224,421 80,
*Decrease. -

It will be observed that in 1900 the
differences between the western and
eastern groupe of counties was 100, Ill
while in 1905 it has been decreased un-
til there is but 1921 more people in
the eastern than in the western
groupe; and that while the eastern
half was increased by 10000 souls, the
western half only lacked 3,611 persons
of doubling it's population. .s
Bismarck daily tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, Dakota [N.D.]) 1881-1916, 1905-11-06
Sense OF Humor.

Every man or woman born believes
that, whatever other quality he may
lack or possess, he is endowed with
an unfailing Judgment as to what is
the proper object Of laughter, what is
really funny; but he is convinced that
this unerring sense of humor Is
granted to very few indeed besides
himself.-The. Academy. s..s
Bismarck daily tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, Dakota [N.D.]) 1881-1916, 1905-11-06
Wanted for Seed

One car Of white flint corn, one car
OF yellow flint corn, one car early
Ohio potato seed, 500 lbs. box-elder
seed. Hollands Nursery.
Bismarck daily tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, Dakota [N.D.]) 1881-1916, 1905-11-06
Chr 8isa1arfk Trihu,1e,
BY NJ. II. JEWELL.
THE DAILY TRIBUNE.

THE DAILY TRIBUNE.
Published every afternoon, except Sunday,
/ Bismarck, North Dakota, is delivered by
.arrier to all parts of the city at so cents per
nur.h. or Sc per year. The daily sent to any
address in the United States or Canada, postage
srepaid, SIS per year; $3.50 for six months;
II rs for three months.
THE WEEKLY TRIBUNE.
Published every Friday; eight pages, con
aiming summary of the news OF the week
local and foreign-particuar attention being
aid to state news. Sent to any address. post
re paid, for 81 for one year; 80 cents for six
enths; 25 cents for three months.
rhe Bismarck Tribune is the oldest news.
.aper in the state-Weekly established June II {,
a7s; Daily established 1881. 1t has wide
irculation and is desirable advertising me-
sum- being published at the capital of the
<ate it makes feature of state news, OF
emi-official character, and is therefore Particu-
'rly interesting to all who desire to keep the
m of state affairs-political, social and busi
ess.
Bismarck daily tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, Dakota [N.D.]) 1881-1916, 1905-11-06

/. + You can, for only five cents, Ak your
storm window so that 1t will always
fit, and go on the right place. Call a
Grambs & Wolber. .
Bismarck daily tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, Dakota [N.D.]) 1881-1916, 1905-11-06
THE STATE CENSUS HAS
NOW Been Completed
(Contlnuea from Page L.

it will be Interesting to note how rapid
ly the center of population Is vending.
its way westward.
Bismarck daily tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, Dakota [N.D.]) 1881-1916, 1905-11-06
THE VITAL STATISTICS.
There Were s2t Births In the State
During September and 13e Deaths.

During September and 139 Deaths.
The vital statistics report for the
month of September, issued by DR..
H. H. Healy, secretary, shows that in
September there were 321 births in
North Dakota and 1s9 deaths. Four
deaths were from tuberculosis, ten
from typhoid fever, seven from diph.
iberia, three from scarlet fever and
five from other contagious diseases.
The births and deaths by counties:
~ - 80 Rirfhc5 n<,o f1,e,
The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1905-06-28
Significant Temperance Lecture.

The result Of the battle is, in real
ity the triumph If sober Japan over
whisky soaked Nu isia. 1t is the great
est temperance lecture ever delivered to
the world, TO nations ard to iudivid.
uals as well.
What was proved on the wreck
strcwn Straits OF Korea had already
been proved in the destruction of the
Port Arthur squadron, in the running
fight with the N!adivostock cruisers,
in the reduction of an almost impreg-
nablc fortress, and in the land opera
tions in Manchu1ia. 1t was in each
case japan against Russia, but it was
more. 1t was temperance against de-
bauchcry.
Japan's achievements on land and
sea were not directed by men who had
spent their days and nights in idlcness
and dissipation. They were the pro-
duct Of lives Of strong, steadfast, So
Der cndeavor, the very opposite of
what their enemy had been.
The lesson of the war is not for
Russia alone. 1t is for every nation
and for every individual who seeks
stability aud advancement. Great
Britaiu's greatest danger today is tho
intemperance Of the people. Intem-
perance and progress do not 60 togeth-
er. They are, as Sir Frederick Treves
said the other day, hopelessly antag-
onistic. This eminent authority made
the statement that alcoholic drink,
even in small quantities, absorbs
human energy and minimizes the ef-
fort of the Individual.
Russia has learned this truth, but
at terrible cost. Let Great Britain
profit from that lesson before it is too
late.-Toronto Globe.
The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1905-06-28
Reflections of a Bachelor.

Marry for money; repent in penury.
Kittens get their eyes opened few
days after they are born; people when
they are married.
The only queerer thing than the
way women are dressed is the way
they soln etimes aren't.
\ man idea of getting rested from
the strain Of business is to sit up all
night playing cards, smoking and
drinking.
Riding in an automobile makes a
woman think of the way she would
look if her husband was president of
the United States.
a man seldom proposes to a woman
unless she has made up her mind to
make him do SO.
After rejecting young man moth
ing is calculated to make a girl so
weary as to learn that be has married
disgustingly well.
The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1905-06-28
The Side to Sleep On.

There's a brilliant young physician
in Detroit "hn should have been a
great American humorist. During
the recent hot weather a patient who
hadn't been sleeping we'll applied to
him for advice.
what side should I sleep on, doc
tor?' he inquired.
''In winter or SUMMER" asked the
doctor, rubbing his chin thoughtfully.
"What's that got to do with it?'
exclaimed the patient half angrily.
"A great deal" responded the doc
tor mysterionsly.
II don't see it,"
"Of course you DON'T" said the doc
Tor imperturbably: eff you did you
wouldn't be here asking me about it. ="
"Go ahead then, !" and the patient
settled back resignedly.
"Well, continued the doctor, sin
winter, when it is cold, you should
sleep on the inside; but in such wealth
er as this you should sleep on the
outside in hammock with draft
all around it and piece of ice for a
pillow. Two dollars, please. De
troit Free Press.
The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1905-06-28
A Bit Of Superstition.

I've heard tales Of superstitious
women,' said the very obliging young
man to the Philadelphia Record, "but
woman who lives in our neighbor-
hood has them all beaten. She occu-
pies twin house just above ours and,
despite her constant dissertations on
hoodooism, is rather unpopular. The
other day she went out without her
key and when she returned home could
not get in. She was on the pavement
almost crying when I came along.
Naturally | offered to assist by eli b.
ing in window. | went to the lSin
house and, climbing through second
story window, got on the porch. Then
l squeezed through tiny bathroom
window into heE house. After I open
ed her front door 1 started to leave,
when she stopped me. With evident
embarrassment she explained that if
l left by any other route than the one
by which | entered death would surely
visit the house. Summed up, she
wanted me to climb back over the
roofs. Well, as she is young and pref
ty and I'm obliging, l did it, but you
can bet the next time she loses her
key some one else will jeopardize his
The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1905-06-28
Her 9 he Drew the Line.

Patrolman Hogan, who stands at
Eleventh and Walnut streets, is asked
many peculiar questions every day.
Women especially ask all sorts Of
queer things, say the Kansas City
Times.
last week saii the officer ycstcr.
day, "a woman came up and asked me
how many children the president has.
That same day another woman led a
little dog up and asked me where ahe
could sell it. When | said | didn' t
know she went away half mad. One
Of the qucercst questions | was ever
asked, however, came from woman
Monday. She stopped on the corner
here and after Acsitating moment
asked:
" Officer, is my dress unbuttonel
behind the sfouldcrs?' -
There we're two buttons urfastcn-
ed and [ told her so.
Thank you, she said. Their she
studied minute. i wonder who |
can get to button them? she asked.
~ don't know said. Not me- 80
The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1905-06-28

his orchard at the present time, and
the young trees (four years old yield
apples which have only a yellow Eb.
rous substance Of 10 toughncss what
'rcr representing the seed pockets.
There is now only one variety of seed
less apple, and that is quite distinct
from any other. it has been called the
':>ponccr sccG!cS5 apple" Expert.
mc&ts are being tried OH dozen or -
oi the best varieties Of apples, and pos
s!bly IN few years time the leading
apples Of commerce will be secdless.
Marketed in large quantities in the
opening months Of he year, these ap.
Pies, even when they are no longer
novelties, with command POS 81 so a
bushcl wholesale. At that price, if
the trees are as prolific as they are
stated to be, the apple should prove
more profitable to British growing
than even the Ribstonc lippin.
For some years the trees and also
the fruits will be very expensive.
Even if the sanguinc expectations f
their originator are realized, their in
PRODUCTION will no: injuriously affect
apple growing carried on by expert
cnccd cultivators, but it will happily
drive from our markets those inferior
and out .of-date sorts which are the
chief cause Of the periodic market
gluts SO ruinous to British fruit pro-
ducers. For the commercial grower
the new apple is admirably suitable. ,
Westminster (Eugland, Gazette.
The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1905-06-28
Buttons From Potatoes.

Great quantities Of buttons are now
made from potatoes. It is not gener-
ally known that if the substance of
the common Irish potatoes be treated
with certain acids it becomes almost
as hard as store, and can be used for
many purposes for which horn, ivory
and bone are employed. This quality
Of the potatoes adapts it to button
making, and very good grade of but
ton is now made from the we'll
known tuber. The potato button
cannot be distinguished from others
save by a careful examination, and
even then only by au expert, since
they are colored to suit the goods on
which they are to be used, and are
very white as good looking as button n
of bone or ivory. Their cbeapness is
great recommendation, and will no
doubt lead to much larger employ
ment in the future.-St. Louis Globe
Democrat.
The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1905-06-28
Dear Little Boy.

Archbishop Ryan at q dinner that
was given in his honor in Philadcl-
phia. declares the Buffalo Enquirer,
said, anent, man who had bought q
salted mine:
''The gentleman's disappointment
on discovery of the salt must have
been great. 1T resembles little, per-
haps, the emotion of certain Frank.
fort man.
"This man had small nephew, of
whom he was very fond. One night,
ir evening dress, he called at the
youngsters house, and taking him on
his knee, gave demonstration Of an
opera hats mechanism. First he
would crush his tall black into a pam
cake. Then, with loud report, he
would spring it back into it's proper
shape again.
Tho little feller was amused. He
took the hat. He, too, found he
could crush it and open it again with
ease. Hesplayed with it for half an
hour. He had good time. The ep.
isode made an impression on him.
''The uncle called the next month
on Sunday afternoon. This time he
wore frock coat and silk hat. He
placed he silk hat on table in the
hall, entered the parlor and began to
converse with his brother.
"An hour passed. Then the little
nephew entered with something black
and shapcless in his hand.
$ Uncie, NO ssid, this hat is
harder than your other one. I've had
to sit on it, but can't get it more n
half shut -.
The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1905-06-28
His Destination.

Tell the jury where you first went
after leaving home on the evening" on
which the circumstances took place"
"Went 20 Clancy 5 saloon"
"Wherc neXtY'
"To McFadden's place
And then whereof
event to Hogenschnitz' cafy.'
Then whcrc?'
event to Finny S poker rooms"
And what was the next place you
went?"
"Went broke.'
The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1905-06-28
At Atlanta. Ga, a MOSQUITO bit

= At Atlanta, Ga, a mosquito bite
received several weeks ago, has re-
suited in the. death of little Robert
Lamar Gaissert, one-year-old son of
K. L. Gaissert, who resides at Knott's
crossing, on the East Point road.
The insect bit the child upon the
tender flesh Of the left cheek. At
first only a small spot, such as usual.
ly appears in such case, was visible
arca the chila's face. After a short
time, however, the place became in
famed and began to swell finally de-
veloping into running sore. Though
every. effort was made to heal the
edies failed 20 bring about tho desired
result. t,..
lis - Burslarproof safes and fireproof.
buildings seldom are. ID SS .s