Manchester Democrat. [volume] (Manchester, Iowa) 1875-1930, 1905-09-20

jackson tells me the last thing he
wrote was accepted Do you know
what it was?" Yes; his resignation"
Grit.
II am looking for trouble" said the
caller Il am sorry" replied the other,
but l have made 1t rule never to
lend my auto."-Houston Post
III you can't get along better with
your work l will have to get another
girl Sure, mann, an wish thot ye
would-there is enough work here for
two."-Grit.
Servant-If might make so bold as
to suggest, sir Irish Master Grri-
tably)-We want none Of your sugges-
tons; we want nothing from you but
silence, and not much OF that.
Lillian-Wasn't it sweet of your
husband to send you kiss by wire?
Adele haven't decided yet; I'm sus-
picious that that telegraph operator
was woman.-Detroit Free Press.
Growell Qn cheap restauranD-Here,
waiter. Are these mutton or pork
chops? Waiter-Can't you tell by the
taste? Growell-No. Waiter-Then
what difference does 1t make what
they are?-Illustrated Bits.
Mrs Youngbride-I've come to COM
plain of that flour you sent me. Gro
cer-What was the matter with it?
Mrs. Youngbride-It was tough. I
made pie with it, and it was as much
as my husband could do to cut it.
This said the city chap. who was
showing his rural relative the town.
sis called the 'tenderloin' district"
"Why is it called that?' queried the
rural relative. Because 1t is so tough"
explained the other-Chicago News.
Maudie-Pa, will our new mamma
go mad after while? Father-What
question! Why do you think such
thing? Maudie-Well, heard her tell
the cook yesterday that she got badly
bitten when she married you!-Scis-
sors.
Father-Well. Julia, If allow young
Smitherers to become my son-in-law do
you suppose he will be willing to work
and support you? Julia-Oh, papa,
how can he when he has promised to
do nothing but think of me all the
time?
Mrs. Neurich-Jane, why do you al
low the children to make so much
noise? The Nurse-I'm sorry, ma'am,
but they won't mind me. Mrs. Neu-
rich-Of course not. Why should
they? Don't 1 pay you to mind tt mi
Crit.
Alice rushed In from the garden.
where she had been picking flowers.
She was badly stung by bee, and
was holding on to her finger and sob
bling pitifully. "Oh, mamma" she
cried. 81 burned me on bugv'-Brook-
Ign Life.
After the silence had begun to be
awkward he cleared his throat, and
said: 81 don't think, Miss Dimple-
ton" "Oh, know you don't" she
hastily replied, but it doesn't really
matter. Isn't the moon just lovely to-
night ?"-Chicago Record-Herald.
A friend tells Of recent visit a
Senator made to church with one Of
his grandchildren. The little fellow
| tried several times to talk, but was al
ways told he could not talk in church.
"Then, grandpa" he begged, please
| take off my shoes and let me move my
toes. '-Lippincotts Magazine.
when you know that Il man is a
devotee of golf" said the enthusiastic
golfer, you can be absolutely certain
of his mental calibre and be as
sured-' "Oh, come. wouldn't say
that" replied the plain man. II don't
doubt that some men play golf who
are really quite sensible. "-Philadel-
phia Press
The managing editor wheeled his
chair around and pushed button in
the wall. The person wanted entered.
Here said the editor, "are number
| Of directions from outsiders as to the
best way to run newspaper. See
that they are all carried out" And
the Office boy, gathering them all into
a large waste basket, did so.-Wash-
ington Life.
Good Society on the Farm-Mrs.
Waldo (of Boston)-I have letter
from your Uncle James, Penelope, who
wants me to spend the summer on his
farm. Penelope (dubiously)-Is there
any society in the neighborhood? Mrs.
Waldo-Tve heard him speak of the
Holsteins and Guernseys. l presume
they are pleasant people.-Boston
Christian Register.
Auntie Ito her young niece)-Guess
what l know, Mary-there's little
baby brother upstairs! He came this
morning when you We're asleep. Mary
Did he? Then know who brought
hint was the milkman. Auntie-
What do you mean, Mary? Mary
Why, looked at the sign on his cart
yesterday, and it said Families sup
piled daily."-Harper's Weekly.
81 am truly sorry, Tommy" said the
friend of the family, meeting the little
boy in the street, ito learn that your
fathers house was burned down yes
terday. Was nothing saved?" Don't
you waste no grief on me-" replied
Tommy. "All of pas old clothes was
burnt up in that fire, and ma can't
make any more of 'em up for me. this
time. tiddle-lum-tum-tum, whoop-
de-doodle- doo!'-Chicago Journal.
o. ~