West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1905-11-16

pies.
eff you have not time to write me
a letter trust you will drop me a
postal card. Don't disappoint me. T"
This is but sample of the letters
which am daily receiving from the
piemen of Preston. 1t pains me TO
think that l cannot respond to their
Mace donion Cry and 60 back to
Preston and help them. But when
i take you into my confidence and
tell you that from every county in
the State this imploring and pitiful
cry Is coming to me you can readily
see how impossible it is for me to
comply.
Elder Watson is a man OF power
full lungs and sound hoofs and there
is no reason why he cannot thrill the
people with his cry and make Maud
s. time getting over the sod and
reaching the hearts of the people.
AS for myself my voice has not the
power 1t formerly had and my hoofs
have a monopoly on bunions and.
corns, which was brought on by
travelling too rapidly over the cob
blestones in the Bowery and red
light districts. My hoofs were
trained on the sod and not on the
cobblestones.
l regret that l cannot return to
Preston and assist my friends in the
scramble for the pies. / have ex-
plicit faith in their good intentions
to not let any of the pies fall into
the hands Of the Insurgents. II the
Machine boys should lose the pies |
am very much afraid that they would
not be so pronounced in their belief
in the principles of the Republican
party. 1t takes plenty OF pies to
strengthen your belief, and without
pies you readily fall from grace and
have to be hauled back to the
mourner's bench. Time and again
our expert pieman, Gov. Dawson,
has told me that this was the only
weak point in the Machine. Keep
the pies flowing and you keep the
Machine running. The Governor
told me that the evolution OF Tax
Reform sprung from the scarcity of
pies. When Tax Reform was plac-
ed on the market it put one hundred
and fifty pies in the Machines pan.
try. When the pantry was opened
there were one thousand hungry pie.
men standing at the door. Each
and every one, and their cousin Sol,
was promised pie il they would
return home and work for Tax Re-
form. This is the true history of
our tax laws.
We were unfortunate in not being
able to supply all with pies as we
had previously promised, and this
will explain to the people back in
Preston why they started the revolu-
ton against our tax laws IN Fayette,
Mercer and Mcdowell counties.
They we're not satisfied with our tax
laws increasing the valuation of
their farms and making them happy
and contented, but they INSISTED
that as our tax laws had made them
all wealthy that they should be per
mitted to remain at home and feast
on PIES. Greater ingratitude to the
Machine no man knowelh.
The latest reports from Bros. Dill
Ion and Darst who are soiourning in
the revolutionary country bring no
encouragement to my aching heart.
l have just cabled my coincidence
to the Gar of Russia and informed
him that he was not the only pieman
who Is having trouble with the rev.
olutionary spirit Of the time. At
the present time l would be willing
to exchange positions with the Gar.
l have received several cable
grams from Gov. Dawson convey
ing the good news that he is still en-
gagged in Cuba preaching his tax
laws. He informs me that the en-.
thusiasm of the Cubsns over his tax
taws beggars description He has
them all worshipping a, the shrine
Of the Goddess Of Tax Reform. He
is very muoh alarmed that he will
not be able to escape from them as
they are determined to make him
President Of Cuba.
He cables me that the tobacco
and sugar cane, the staple produc,
Of Cuban soil, is sprouting out Of
the earth as II forced by some hid
den hand. The Governor says that
the hidden hand is his tax laws.
Nothing can hold the sprout down
once the Governors tax laws get
under the roots and start them on
the road to prosperity. In appreci
alton for what the Governors tax
laws have done for tbc C-,,t... 49,