The Montgomery advertiser., 1905-03-27


 [ would represent capital equal to all the debts of Turkey. and we went be- fore the sultan, and we couldn't have been treated better if we had owned e brewery. Dad told his story to the sultan. through an interpreter, while I looked around at the gorgeous sur roundings and tried to think of some- thing to do to wake them up. Dad said he came right fresh from the American people. and was author fzed by his mining company to present the sultan with untold millions for pure love of the Turkish people, whom they had seen riding and leading cam els at the Chicago worlds fair. and dad produced the stock certificate for H. 100000 shares of stock in the Golden Horn Gold Mining and Smelling com pany.and took out a handful of SEQ dollar gold pieces and showed them to the crowd as specimens of gold that came from our mine.
 He said our people did not expect anything in return, but just desired the good will of the Turkish empire. He said that President Roosevelt desired him to present his warmest regards to the sultan, an dto invite him to visit America, and if he would consent to do so. an American war vessel would be | would be turned over to him for his harem, and dad said the president wanted him particularly to impress upon the sultan that + he came he must bring his folks. all his wives that would be apt to size up for beau ty with our American women.
 Well. you ought to have seen that sickly looking sultan brace up when dad handed him the millions of mining stock, and he grabbed the paper like an old clothesbuyer would grab a dress suit that a wife had sold for so cents, belonging to her husband. He also wanted to see the gold that dad had shown as coming from the mine, and when dad showed him the yellow boys he took them as souvenirs and put them In his girlde. and then I thought dad would faint, but he kept his nerve like a poker player betting on a bob tail flush.
 The sultan asked so many questions about America that I was afraid dad would get all balled up, but he kept his rerve and lied as though he was on the witness stand trying to save his life. Dad told the sultan he was authorized by the American people to inquire into the industries of Turkey, and what he particularly desired was an insight into the harems, as a national ipsti- tuition, because many American people were gradually adopting the customs of the orient, and he desired to report to congress as to whether we should adopt the customs of Turkey, with her dried prunes and dates with worms iil, and her altar of roses made of pigs lard; her fez, to cure badness, and her outlandish pants and peaked red Mo- rocco shoes, and her harenis.
 The sultan said he would like to show us a little bunch of the cream of the harsm, who would do a stunt in tho way of dancing, to celebrate the good feeling of the American people, and the visit of the distinguished states man and gold miner to his realm, and dad said the sultan couldn't turn his stomach with no cream of the harem only they must keep their hands off Lim. and he sultan promised he should be as safe as Unique" whatever that Is.
 Dad and I had hired knee brooches and things of masquerade ball store, and we didn't look half bad when the crowd of shieks and things formed crescent around the sultan, who sat in sort of barber's chair with an avn ing over it. and they sounded a hew- gag or something, and about a dozen pretty fine looking females, dressed Wt came in and began to dance before the sultan.
 Dad stood 1t first rate until a girl got on the carpet barefooted and began one of those willowy sort of dances that nearly broke up the Chicago fair when people left the buildings. filled with the work of the worlds artists, in all lines of progress, and went to the Midway in a body to see Little Vnt hrTf yAAw. Lf up to dad and wiggled in a foreign language. dad sashayed up to her and couldn't hold him back.
 He was just getting warmed up to balance to partners" when a frown came over the sultan's face, and he looked cross at dad. and then the hewgag sounded. and the girls scatter ed out of a side door, and dad wanted to follow, but held him by the coat. and it was over. I think those girls were the only ones in the whole harem | that were good looking.
 Dad breathed hard a little from his exercise. and said he was ready to in spect the stock. and the sultan de- tailed tall negro, with a face dried up | like a mummy, and we started out | through the harem, dad pulling the | long hair on the side of his head over his bald spot. and throwing his shoul- ders back and drawing in his stomach, to make him look young.
 We'll. say, there Is nothing about a harem, much different from keeping house at home, except that there Is more of 1t. The idea people get of harems Is that the women are all young and beautiful, and that they sit around a swimming tank and play guitars and keep the flies off the man who owns the place, while he smokes the vile Turkish tobacco burning in a jardiniere, througn a section of rubber hose, and goes to sleep like a China man smoking opium, and that they drink rare wines and dance with ban gles on their legs and ropes of pearls on their necks and arms.
 l have seen alleged limitations of a Turkish harem on the stage, with American girls doing the acting, and it would make you feel as though you would invest in a harem when you got old enough, but, gee, when you see a regular harem, run by an up-to-date Turk, you think of the Mormon apostle who has forty wives of all ages, from seventy down to q sixteen-year-old hired girl, with a hair1ip and warts on her thumbs This harem was like big stock barn fin the states, with A | tig room to exercise the colts. and box stalls for the different wives and their families to live in and do their own cooking and washing
 Instead of sitting by bath playing harp. the poor old wives stand by A washtub and play tunes on the wash