The star. (Reynoldsville, Pa.) 1892-1946, 1905-04-12
Pa DOES THE BUYING.
MIR. Jcnos's First Attempt Caused Ev.
en- the pon to PITY Him.

w h'S Ivy ~ Ivy lil'ls
"Madami" shrieked Pa Jones, as he
dashed into the happy home Of the
Jones family, under full head OF
steam, kicked some fur off the cat,
and boosted the dog through the par,
lor portleres, 10 you want to ruin
me? Do you want to drive me a paup.
er in the streets? Do you want our
sweet little children to go out and
work as servants for daily bread? Do
you"-
What's the matter with you, Henry
Jones?" returned Ma, not the least dis
turbed. Your talk rattles as though
your teeth were loose"
Matter enough, Mrs. Jones'" cried
Pa, as he backed into sago palm
in his excitement. 81 have just receiv-
the grocery bill for the last month,
and find it exceeds my income by ten
dollars What do you do with all the
stuff you buy? Do you send 1t to your
poor relatives, give it out as euchrc
prizes, or indiscrimnately feed it to
the hoboes? | telr'--
Look here, Henry Jones" returned
Ma, faring up like rejuvenated gas
jet, Il want you to distinctly under
stand that | run this house as eco
nomically as possible, considering the
enornity of your appetite. Nothing
goes to waste. | make croquettes of
the left-oyers, soup out of the bones,
and use the stale bread for pudding.
p
"Oh, yes. l suppose you do" inter
rupted Pa Jones. You are a wonder,
you are, Mrs. Jones, but the fact re-
mains that we are using enough food
stuffs in this house to supply an orph-
an asylum, and it's time to call halt"
We'll don't know what you are
going to do about it," said Ma Jones,
as she picked mp her embroidery and
started to work pink star in pale
green heaven.
Il know what | will do about IT,"
shouted Pa Jones, with increasing
heat. 81 will so down to the store
and order the groceries myself instead
of having shark hanging around the
kitchen door just before each meal!
| will show you how to economical |
will show you how to save; and If
| don't cut that bill down to one-half
you may hang me for warbling coon
songs without license"
Having thus relieved himself of the
volume of words that surcharged his
dome of thought, Pa Jones replaced
his derby and made a dash for the
grocery store. The next day his or
der arrived, and when Pa came in lat
er, misery, in manifold punches, await
ed him.
you made nice mess of buying
didn't you?" cried Ma, as
she towed poor Henry to the larder.
Il flatter myself that | made a good
job of it," replied Pa.
you did, did you!" exclaimed Ma.
We'll in the first place you bought
25 pounds of salt, which is enough
to pickle six people as fresh as you
are; and to offset this you ordered
pound of flour, which will be lost in
just six seconds dished UP into bis.
cults. Next you turn in and order five
pounds of red pepper, and a half pound
of butter, strong enough to throw a
locomotive over the back yard fence.
Next
Madam p
Next you buy half pound coffee
and five pounds of'tea, and then throw
in enough patent soup to paint a coun
Try barn. Not satis'--
"Mary"--
Not satisfied with this, you get |
enough cheese to bait all the mouse |
traps in ten counties, and then failed |
10 order enough sugar to put sweet |
spot on your sour nature. Worse yet.
"Dearie"-
you never got single trading |
stamp. So there!"
1t was then that poor Pa Jones col
apsed and the dog looked on in pity.
Philadelphia Telegraph.