The Caldwell tribune. [volume] (Caldwell, Idaho Territory [Idaho]) 1883-1928, 1905-05-13
SS IVES
80
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phia Record. t1 -
DOES Mr. Reuben aaybrick keen
poardersT HE takes 'em. hn+ he
uon,t Keep 'em."A-Chicago Chronicle.
Ena-He comes Of good family
DOESN'T he2 stella--Yes, he's, the oniv
ming l know against it--Town
Topics. .'
Jonnny-Pa, is 1t wrong to steal
from a trust? Johnny's Pa-Don't let
the question bother you, my son, It's
ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS Ledger.
Gourmand (after a table d'hote,--
Anything else, waiter? Waiter-One
more peach, sir, and youth ave eat
the menu.--London Bystander.
! "Dey amt no SIGH thing ez glttin'
married in heaven" Course dey amt
Don't de Bible tell you it's a place err
peace en- rest?"-Atlanta Constitution.
| Mrs. Hatterson-I didn't see Won At
sne lecture on The Simple Life" Mrs.
Cutterscn-Why, no: had no idea it
was going to be such a swell affair
Brooklyn Life.
Wtfe-1t is so kind Of you to put on
my boots for me. Kneeling Husband
(tugg1ng away)-It's a-a-pleasure.
my dear. Still, I'm glad you're not a
cendpede.-Pick-Me- Up.
Miss Riter-Could you use anything
in your Household Department" this
week? Country Editor-Yes, we could
handle couple Of dozen of fresh eggs
nicely.-New York Times.
What conclusion does that cam
paign orator reach in his argumentT'
He never arrives at conclusion,
He merely stops now and then to take
breath. "-Washington Star
! Willie-Teacher told us to-day that
there's certain kind O. tree that
grows out O. rocks. l can't remember
what it was. His Pats a family
tree, I guess.-Philadelphia Ledger.
The Irish lady declared to the mag
istrate that the defendant had stolen
her hen. Glow do you know 1t Is
your hen?" asked the Judge. know
it!'' cried the irate lady. II have
known that hen ever since 1t was an
egg"
You probably don't remember me-"
began the self-made man proudly,
but twenty years ago. when was a
poor, humble boy, you gave me a
message to carry" Yes, yes"
cried the busy man. "Wheres the
answer"
You are the first one to whom I
have shown this poem" the young
poet went on; II was wooing the muse
last night" Poor fellow" replied
the editor, handing back the manu-.
script ITS too bad she rejected you"
Chicago Journal.
Hicks-How do you happen to be
going fishing on Friday? l thought
you believed Friday was an unlueky
day. Wicks-Weli, l always have.
But it occurred to me this morning
that perhaps it would be unlucky for
the hsh.-Sonerville Journal.
I'm afraid you're not WISE" said
the fair girl. Why" demanded the
persistent sutton. Because a word to
the wise is sufficient and l have said
Nor to you" Yes, but I'm wise
enough to know that a woman's No
may eventually mean yes. '"-Phila'
delpn1& Press.
At the end of thirty years Hiram
Iir wi 70
and daughter were delighted. For"
said they, with becoming modesy, I'VE
now not only have money enough to
cut a splurge, but poor dear papa is
too broken down to appear among the
best people. Life.
! ITS 80 long since you last called
upon me was beginning to think you
were forgetting me-" said Miss Pechis,
as she came down to the young man
In the parlor. I'm for getting you, u
replied the ardent youth, land It's for
getting you that I've called tonight.
Can l have you ?"-Kennebec Journal,
The passenger who had been holding
himself up by strap sat down In a
Eeat that had just been vacated
There Is plenty of room, ma'am," he
said to the pudgy, little matron sitting
next. Don't move" I'VE don't have
to-" she said, with a cheerful smile;
I'VE own the house we live in."-Chi'
cago Tribune.
II tell ye what" asserted Old Man
Spiggets, that there painter Teller is
q fine artist" What impressed you
about his work." "Well, Their was a
pictur he called The Rainstorm.' an
swan, it was that nat'ral that
hadn't looked at it three minutes be-
fore my corns begin hurtin' me-
Cleveland Leader.
prosperity" said DR.. Slighcem, the
eminent surgeon. There is altogether
too much prosperity 1t is killing bust
pess." I'm what way?" asked the
other. "Why, sir, almost anybody
can afford to have appendicitis nova
DAYS. and, in consequence, all Of my
best patients regard 1t as too common
and refuse to have it."-Chicago Trib