davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The San Francisco call., 1905-02-12

where he comes from. how much he
had when he struck New, York, what
he done for a living before he come
out of de long grass and how mucn
he'd made since he landed and how
he made it. He was awfully sweet on
himself. but not half so sweet as
Duchess was on him. Her broke Eng
lish queered him and his good lady at
foiSt, but pretty soon dey must made
up deir minds dat she was talking de
langwudge of de real tings, FOR dey
was bote initiating her form brogue,
and done it, too, just to play de game
under one rule for all.
I seen what Duchess was playing
for and 1 wishes her luck. for I'd felt
in me jeans and found dat L couldn't
dig up de price of Frankforters and
beer, and / was carrying tidy toist
and appetite at dat But Duchess
landed 'ern all right. Debenture Pre-
ferred soon made de crack we was
listening for He wanted TO know what
restaurant we fought was de best and
de, way we didn't keep him waiting
might put him wise how much we
wanted him TO say de next ting. But
he never tumbled. He says IL We had
no engagement would we join his
gang in a bottle and a bold at de place
we'd touted as de best in town and
we said Sure" And we done it, No
y
we had when Duchess consented to
oblige and order for de party.
Little old Debenture Preferred
couldn't have de bottles opened fast
enough, and we was having de mer-
riest party in de restaurant when
seen Mr.. Paul standing near and look
ing at US like he wondered did he know
us. If could went trough a pipe out
into de sewer I'd done it. but p'cheei
Duchess she seen him. and she SAYS to
him quick in French dat she hoped
he'd say noting, for we was only keep
ing a little fool money in circulation.
and doing no mischief Mr.. Paul he
laughs and walks on witout saving n
void, but ] keeps one eye on him. and
seen him give a short game of talk
to society reporter i knowed
something was doing. and knowed it
harder in de morning when I sees in
a pape that Mrs and Mr.. Debenture
The San Francisco call., 1905-02-12

he says who is going to de box. So de
box tickets is passed out to Duchess to
whack up wit de odder upper soivants,
and dat's de reason dere is always SO
much style seen in Mr.. Paul's box.
He never goes to de box himself,
for he has horses to show and to see,
SO he's busy; too busy to see any of
de show except de horses. Mostly he
rubbers de box once dhring de even
ing to see is de upper soivants max
ing a good front, and on my night
dcre-but wait till / tell you.
Dere is a sort of chessboard printed
what has de location of all de boxes
and de names of de owners on it, and
oats for giIlies and sillies to buy so
dat as dey chases around de walk
under de fronts of de boxes dey can
know who dey is rubbering at. Same
as de horses is numbered to tell what
dey is. Only nobody what don't al
ready know what horse is what cares
to know, so dey consults de checker
board to find out what mug is what.
See? Duchess always takes de box
for her and me on de swell night, and
she saves up de best stuff she jollies
out of Miss Fannie all during de year
to fash at de public on dat night.
Say, she's a dream. She's a peach
wit a rosebud on de side. And I'm
l.
and dicer fits me better dan dey do
his Jap valet, so what he don't give
to me when de dew is off of 'em 1
buys at a bargain from his Jap valet,
and de Jap valet sends de price to his
folks in de old country to boost de
war. On de level, every time I buys
a fancy westcoat off dat Jap I sinks a
RUSSIAN gunboat or puts a Russian
regiment of 'tillery out of business.
Well, Duchess comes down de odder
night when I was all ready and she
says to me, "Cheems." she says, what
do you tink of me, eh?"
duchess" I says. "dere amt no void
for youl If you was only Bowery
goil you would be In de money, one,
two, tree!"
when you see a Bowery goil,' she
says. giving me de shoulder shrug,
dat can wear grande dame close like
me let me hear from you by letter. If
The San Francisco call., 1905-02-12

too tender hearted The thought OF
those dear little germs who had been
regular tenants Of his earthly frame 10
these many years being thrust out into
the cold world in their helpless old age
was too much for him. Never should
it be said of him that he deceived a
booze bug that trusted him.
Our story is done: so is William G.
FiZz. His last words were, "Who will
care for the little booze bugs now?" If
you want to know the answer TO this
question walk down Broadway. or any
other street. any night after eleven
o'clock. The booze bugs are being
cared for all right. In the face OF this
solemn conclusion to Mr.. Fizz's life
tragedy we can trust ourselves to point
out only few of the morals which may
be drawn from it. Others will be sent
to any subscriber on receipt OF a two
cent postage stamp. At present we can
only shake our head sadly and remark
that another martyr to science has
gone TO his reward. We shall also warn
the young men OF this land TO look not
upon the wine when it is red. for when
they are cid thew cannot depart from it.
Copyright, 1905, by Albert Britt.
The San Francisco call., 1905-02-12

one end to the other of certain great
city Now the middle portion of this
brightly lighted street is lined with
many resorts whose inmates are known
to suffer from the frequent attacks of
an obscure virus or bacteria whose
identity was little understood previous
to the advent of Fizz. The effects are
extreme giddiness, great capacities Of
conversation, especially on insignificant
subjects, and a general disposition to
claim the earth for the exclusive prop
erty and habitation of the one afflicted.
The after effects are marked by a
great increase in the size of hat neces-
sary for comfort, a peculiar affinity
for the ice water pitcher and a ten
dency to swear by all known standards
that the same thing will not happen
again. 1t never does; there are al
ways a sufficient number of variations
in the booze bug aff1iction to justify
the victims claim that he has kept his
oath.
The idea that the dire havoc along
The San Francisco call., 1905-02-12

dere is tousands of good folks who
wouldn't never have a chance to make
a front. OATS right. Suppose mug
has made a toin in Wall street what
puts him a million to de good Of de
game-only a millions de papers
filled wit fairy stories about him, so
dat his old school fellows back in de
long grass country will know dat he
has landed? Not bit like it, wit only
a million to de good. II takes real
killing-ten or twenty million at de
smallest-to give man a good notice
in de Wall street part of de papers.
So what is a poor man to do who has
cashed in for only a million or so?
It isn't wort speaking about in New
York, but back in Beetville il will
make a sensation. and dat is what's
wanted What's going to get him de
papes? De Horse Show. Sure!
It only costs tousand or so for box
at de show for de season, and de ex-
penses after de show, suDpers and de
likes of dose, and dat will buy as much
advertising for de mugs wife's gowns
as dozen million strike in Wall street
would done.
De horses don't need it; dere isn't any
question about deir being well bred and
well trained and well hammered and
well groomed before de Horse Show
opens, or wedder it opens or not But
Wit human mugs it's different. Who is
TO know dat human mug is all right,
is one OF de real things, If he doesn't
have a chance TO prove it at de Horse
Show? Say. 1t gives me a pain in me
temper to hear folks saying dat dere is
no reason for de Horse Show
Besides de mug dat has raked off a
million in de fastest bulge in debentures
preferred and who wants it known
back where de little fellow he went to
school wit is still selling ribbons and
cheese over de store counter-besides
dat mug dere is odders dat has a good
time at de show. I'm one. Me and
Duchess always has a box for our lone
lies for one night of de show. Mr. Paul
always pungles for a season box, and
den never goes. Miss Fannie says,
"why?" Whiskers says, What Willy
Wildly says, FUDGE" And dat's de
kind of Iangwudge Mr.. Paul gets when
The San Francisco call., 1905-02-12

he had undergone before he arrived
finally at a satisfactory scientific con-
cluSion.
The years sped by, accompanied al
ways by William c. Fizz. whose course
was fully as Papid as that of the years.
At times he was tormented by doubts
as to the wisdom Of the course which
he had marked out for himself Booze
bugs appeared to be very tenacious OF
life and the amount of liquid that was
necessary to drown even one small bug
was beyond belief. What would be re-
quired to put the quietus on a large
colony of adult bugs in the full enjoy
ment of robust health and high spirits
would be impossible to compute.
The only consolation that appeared to
remain for Fizz was in the thought
that if he was growing old. so were the
bugs. 1t thus resolved itself into test
of endurance. Would the bugs give out
first or would they dance in ghoulish
glee around the coffin of the late Will
liam G.. Fizz? Again and again he
made appointments with himself for
suspending the treatment, which had
now become heroic, and allowing the
bugs to starve or move. But he was
The San Francisco call., 1905-02-12

you are ready. we will go to de show,
and let de common people see what de
real style is to be dis winter
Was 1 ready Say, had on me pat
skates, me swallow tail, westcoat dat
would put your eye out In de sunshine,
and opray hat dat crushed as fiat as
n pancake, and top coat dat dragged
two feet along de ground. Ready! Well.
De rubber-neckers was blocking de
walk in front of de box when we gets
to de garden, for Mr.. Paurs and
Whiskers' names was on de checker
boards dey was studying. and our
folks being de realest tings in swells in
little old New York, all de rubbers was
croisy TO pipe 'em off.
Mon dieu,' says Duchess, as de
usher ushers us into de box. lis dere
NO way TO keep de common people
from annoying US like dis?' she says.
Hush your mout, woman" I whis-
pers to her, 'or one of de common
people will shy a stick at me dicer,
and den I'll have a fight on me hands
dat will be wort more dan de rest Of
de shcw."
But Duchess was having de time of
her life. and dere was no stopping her.
She had one of desc long handled eye
glasses, and she looked over de crowd
like it made her feel a little seasick
to be SO close to 'em. Den she shifts
her glasses around to de folks in de
boxes near us and gives 'em a glad
smile like she was saying, We'll, we
must be stared at, we who are de
Real Tings. but we can keep each od-
der company in our misery and get
what fun dere is out of de game"
OATS de kind of look dat always
lands some come-on who is looking
for a chance to butt in and be seen
talking to de great folks. 1t landed
all right, all right.
A four-aush Wall street. Johnnie
sat in de next box. and de style of
Duchess near paralyzed him. l seen
him look at de checker-board to see
who we was and when he read Mr..
Paups and Whiskers' names he tells
'em to de odders in his box and dey
smiles like de bull pup when he sees
de cat and de cat doesn't see him.
On de level, dere was some Real
The San Francisco call., 1905-02-12

= < ERE is e hot problem in rapid
y transit From American Falls,
i Idaho. to the Pacific Coast the
= distance in ante-railroad days
VS. all OF 600 miles ! was a transient
g,est at the Falls and had nothing to
spsak Of but feet and a desire TO keep
moving How did 1 get through the
-1erness2 The answer is easy. 1
Va-ked- as a general thing. and did the
sun in little more than three months
over an ancient stage trail. pausing at
t1tervals for repairs and TO earn a grub
sake
About one day ahead Of me on the
dusty pike was another lone tramp.
eaujpped with a bad case Of St vitus'
$ence and a long-handled frying pan
Whence he came and whittier he hiked
nlattered little His picturesque passage
Tough Mormon grading camp in the
desert suggested TO me the idea Of quit
u1g the railroad business and pushing
The San Francisco call., 1905-02-12

50. On the outskirts of = the city
bumped into a queer Specimen arrayed
from top to bottom in buckskin gar
ments with fringe on them-a regular
Buffalo Bill The knees OF the buck
skin pants had stretched and bagged
to such degree the owner looked like
the hind legs of a horse walking back
ward. His outfit consisted of two small
wagons hitched en- train. four mules,
one wife, three little children and a
whole arsenal of rifles. shotguns and
pistols. This terror of the plains was
headed for the Blue Mountains of Ore
gon to make a fortune choDping wood.
If l cared to join the expedition he
would haul my pack and let me walk
beside or behind the wagons. That
sounded like good offer, and 1 jumped
at it.
We ledsa royal gypsy life for weeks.
Much of the time the woman drove.
while Buffalo Bill and I ranged ahead
on either side of the trail and shot jack
rabbits. and with rabbit liver for bait
The San Francisco call., 1905-02-12

= E: 8: 8 :: !. :: !: = : : = 8; :: :: : :: ::
human mugs-any rights to butt
ITO de procession and show what dey
rhas TO be chesty about?
listen Horses-de kind OF horses
what goes 70 de shows well rubbed
down. well fed and housed and took
are Of and shined and harnessed in
5e hest dere is for 'em all de year. Dey
needs no show TO prove dat dey is
'ristOcrats. Not dem!
But wit folks, some folks, it's diff
ferent. If il wasn't for de Horse SHOW
The San Francisco call., 1905-02-12
w TOWNSEND

give a supper party after de Horse
Show to de Duke and Duchess Fai
dong.
Listen to me on de level: Dat felly
dat blows me and Duchess Off dat
night is climbing into de Brass Band
Society set like a fireman up a ladder.
on de strehgt of having entertained a
Duke and Duchess. / met him on de
street de odder day and he SAYS. I'm
on dat you are only Chimmie Fadden.
but dat newspaper piece about de
Duke and Duchess is putting me and
de missus next to de swift set 50 fast
dat I feels like giving you a fiver.'
IF you feel like il hard enough to
do it, don't deny yourself de fun" 7
says. And p'chee he done it. Sure.
Copyright. 1905. by Edward w.
Townsend
The San Francisco call., 1905-02-12

/ sometimes fished in the cool OF the
evening. These products OF plain and
stream were shared in common in a
large pot and when We had neither
game nor fish L built a separate camp
fire and cooked my own bacon, bread
and coffee. A rowing career begets a
free and independent spirit quite pleas
ing to behold.
Thus the long summer and the longer
miles oozed away. Near Baker City.
Or, shook Buffalo Bill and tOiled TWO
weeks in a hay field for another grub
stake. Then L Joined an empty freight
outfit going back to the cOast-an outfit
of four immense wagons and thirty
mules in charge of one man. He took
me along for company and 10 help With
the team. in return for which the big
hearted freighter fed me real ham and
eggs in prodigiOus quantities
What they did to me at Portland. Ia
coma and San Francisco will be related
in the next stanza.
Copyright, 1905. by Charles Dryden0
The San Francisco call., 1905-02-12

~ INCE first the habit Of imbibing
~ spirituous liquors was intro
duced on the earth men have
4 been closely occupied with efforts
10 discover some eficacious method of
indulging and abstaining at the same
time. Or to be more exact in our state
ments, they have bent their efforts to
the discovery of a way by which they
may enjoy all the pleasures Of partici-
patton in convivial occasions and also
rise. clear headed and mOist-thrOated,
with the lark and the total abstainer
the morning after Several industrious
experimenters have been on the point
Of dragging the long sought. secret out
into the light Of day. but it has inva-
riably happened just at the critical
moment that they have gone the way
of al flesh accompanied by a raging
thirst and a large cage Of green ser
peuts, or else they have foresworn the
flowing bowl on the advice Of their
family physician or their personal liver.
The Jewish outlook., 1905-01-27
Union of American Hebrew
CONGREGATIONS

The Nineteenth Biennial session Of the
Union Of American Hebrew Congrega-
tions met in Chicago on Tuesday morn
ing, January 17th. The meeting was
called to order at eleven o'clock by Mr..
Samuel Woolner, of Peoria, president of
the union, who spoke as follows:
The great honor Of holding the office
Of president Of the Union of American
Hebrew Congregations was conferred
upon me two years ago, at a meeting of
the executive board held in Cincin-
natl on the 9Th Of February, 1903, only
when our esteemed friend, Mr.. julius
Freiberg, who held the office for thir-
teen years, declined a reelection.
The council of the union that met in
St. Louis two years ago made new de-
parture in opening the eyes of the dele
gates to the boundless opportunities Of
the Jews in America. A more thorough
organic union of congregations, build
The Jewish outlook., 1905-01-27

been such as to commend him to the Ia
vorable consideration Of a court OF con-
science. After the difference arose with
respect to this transaction, and DR.. Col
Inns and DR.. Friedman had denied plain
tiff's s construction of the arrangement
which had been made between them, the
methods adopted by him to compel them
to accept his construction were not such
as to impress a court OF chancery with
the honesty Of his claim. 1t appears
that, upon the defendants denial of
plaintiffs claim he threatened to and
subsequently did go about, so he says in
his own testimony, informing his core
igionists that these two defendants
robbed him while he was sick, or had un-
dertaken to rob him while he was sick
One who resorts to defamation OF char
acter for the purpose Of compelling
settlement, or a coming over to his the
ory Of transaction, impeaches his own
case.
He has made some reckless statements
in his pleadings which tend in the same
way. He makes it appear to the court
by his pleading that Dr. Collins was an
old-time friend or confdant. AS mat
ter Of fact, he had known him less than
a week, 1 think, when this transaction
took place.
All of these matters must be taken
into consideration, and there are great
many others that have cropped out in
this case which lead me to say that were
this case submitted to the jury and they
returned a verdict favorable to the
plaintiff, it would be my bounden duty,
sitting as a court of conscience, to re-
ject the verdict.
The court being Of the opinion that
the equity of this case is with the de-
PENDANTS, finds accordingly, and the bill
is dismissed.
The Jewish outlook., 1905-01-27

yield more, for, in my judgment, with
out the aid Of one or both Of these gen
tlemen the paper must have been an alb
solute failure. We have had some testl-
mony here Of newspaper men on that
subject. We hardly needed it. To those
OF us who have advanced somewhat in
life it is common knowledge that it is a
very hard thing to make a newspaper
pay l think it is generally recognized
as true that one who undertakes an en-
terprise of that character must usually
put in great deal Of money before he
ever gets any out, unless it is inaugu-
rated under very auspiciOus clrcum-
stances in the way Of influence and sur
roundings.
Another circumstance in connection
with this matter which leads me to think
that the plaintiff did not intend a part
nership is that he wanted salary and
he wanted it, win or lose. Another is
that he was getting all that he could pos
sibly get out Of it in any event by his
agreement. There was no tangible prop
erty. All there is in a newspaper enter
prise of this character is what is to be
made out Of it, and he was to get one
third of what was made out of it. Had
he been admitted into partnership in
the enterprise he would have been CO.
equal with DR.. Collins and DR.. Fried
man. He would have had as much to
say with respect to what should appear
in that paper as either Of them would
have had. He would have been as free
to contract Indebtedness on the part of
the paper, and that is one circumstance
in this case which to me seems quite per-
suasive that the contract was not as he
claims it to be. Not only would he be
on an equal footing with each Of them
as to the management Of the paper, but
he would be on an absolutely equal foot
ing with respect to the contraction. Of
liabilities. And 1 do not think it rea-
sonable that men as well acquainted
with life as these two gentlemen are
took this young man into full partner
ship with them in an enterprise Of this
character. Any contract which he would
make with regard to the conduct of the
business would absolutely bind them.
They were undertaking to pay the bills.
He would have had as much right to
contract debt of $500, or a greater
amount, as of $50, if he were a full part
ner, and they would have been bound to
respond. It does not look reasonable to
me that they would enter into con-
tract Of that kind. And that is particu-
larly true because Of the fact that it
seems that there was some difficulty be-
The Jewish outlook., 1905-01-27
DOSQnss$ss
JANUARY-A Month of Special Sales
Pre.Inventory Sale Embroidery Sale
Clearing Sale
Great Closing Out Sale of
FURNITURE

TURE SECTION and are closing out the
entire stock at manufacturers cost and in
many instances less. This is an elegant op-
portunity to secure new, stylish Furniture
at a great saving.
The Barre daily times. (Barre, Vt.) 1897-1959, 1905-12-20
The Plays-Evening
S BIG VAUDEVILLE NOVELTIES S
SPECIAL FEATURE
Madam Flower, The Bronz Melba.
POpuIartOc, zoe, 3Oc-Prices

Seats on sale at Red Cross Phar-
macy commencing Friday morning, Dec.
macy commencing Friday morning, Dec. 81