Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1905-01-31
ENGLISH TEACHERS sTcRIEs.


A large and amusing selection OF ex-
amples Of humor from the schoDlroom.
says the Schoolnlaster, has been col
lecteG by DR.. Mcnamara, to whom
the anecdotes were sent by teachers In
all parts Of the British Isles. Their
authenticity is guaranteed By their
senders, and DR.. Mcnamara hfls kept
everything out which is not new.
One of the gems Of the collection is
a reply to the question: "Who is Mr..
Chamberlain" The answer, was: "A
man who broke out among other peo-
pie" Another boy said: "Mr Cham
berlain has glass eye. and keeps a
shop called John Bulls Store"
The following, although not from
the schoolroom, is delicious in It's sug-
gestion Of reform: pleas sur, Jonnie
was KEEP home today. have had
twins. 1t shant occur again. Yours.
truly, Mrs. Smith"
It must have been Scotch boy who
explained David's preference I'd be a
doorEeeper In the house Of the Lord
by saying: Because he could walk
about outside W lille the sermon was
being preached"
Occasionally word which to the
childish ear sounds similar to the
proper one gives a very humorous
turn to an otherwise bald statement
Of fact "The marriage customs Of
the ancient Greeks were that a man
had only one wife, and 1t was called
monotony," said the child.
Thou shalt not kick drckery."
was four-year-old child's version Of
the Seventh Commandment
at was promised for you In your
baptism said a school inspector,
that you would fight against three
great evils. Tell me what they are"
my godfathers and godmothers," was
the reply Of one youth.
"Now, my dear children" said an
archdeacon, Il win ask you a few
questions in your Catechism. Which
fof you can tell me the two things nec-
essary in baptisr1?"
quite right, water Water is. one
thing, and what Is the other? What!
Can none Of yoTi think what else Is
necessary? Well, little girl, what do
you say?',
Little Girl: please. SIR, baby"
Teacher (after class had read Of st.
PauPs adventures among the .'l,arbar-
ians of Melita'): What Is barl,arian?
Pupil: "A man who cuts hair. sir!"
Surely 1t was an Irish child who ex-
planned that under the Salic law no
woman could become a king. Anoth-
er definition which win not appeal to
every poet is: Poetry is wher every
line begins with a capital letter"
"Oliver Goldsmith was one of the
greatest poems in Ireland, and his
father was clergyman. He wrote the
Deserved village the Unauthorized
virgin. and many others"
A Standard VI boy gives the fol-
lowing information about the pig:
| "a pig when living has four legs, but
when you kill II the butcher says It
only has two, because he call the front
legs shoulders and the back legs are
called hams. Fam tastes nice and
they boil It to eat at wedding. The
misss,s prinkles little bits Of toast on
It to make It lock pretty"
The hare is dealt with by youth
full author In Standard III, In the fol-
lowing manner: Young hairs are
called leveretts. Hairs sleep much.
They always sleep with their eyes
open Hairs have no eyelashes. Their
four legs are SHORTER than their hind
legs Their earring is remarkably
good. Hairs pass their lives In SOL
etude and silents. They are often
hunted on horseback and by hownds.'
A natural history typo has quaint
ideas about the camel. Its nest" ne
says, ais very mean one. made Of
twigs, leaves, etc. 1t has large body
and 1t Is able to carry 1t full Of water
It has two humps of fat on it's back
on which II Is able to feed when 1t is
hunger. It's feet are webbed, In which
1t is able to cross the desert. Its air
is used to make brushes which are
used for painting. 1t also lays eggs.
/ It eats worms"
The following incident occurred a
few weeks ago:
Scene: History lesson to Standard
III. on the Loss Of the White Ship"
Teacher: "It is said that after King
Henry heard of the death Of his son
ho n,yar oy,,ilad again.
Boy (who has been deeply interest
ed in the story; please. miss, what
did he do when they tickled hini?"
The following answer to physiol-
ogy question was written by a boy
who evidently tried to make the most
Of IT,"
@. What are the lungs? Where are
they placed? What are they used forY
A. The lungs are too In number;
they are origins Of the body; they are
bee -hived" in shape; they are situat-
ed In the abdomen and are used for
thinking purposes.
"a short time ago." says teacher,
'T was taking lesson on the use OF
the hyphen. Having written a num-
ber of examples on the blackboard, the
first Of which was bird-cage,' l asked
the Toys to give reason for putting
the hyphen between bird and cage
After q short silence one boy who is
among the ounces held UP his hand
and said. IT is for the bird to perch
on, SIR"
The ubiquity of Bill Bailey is shown
by the following version OF Coin
Sterne's verses:
Hark to the smith with his clang,
clang, clang,
In his forge he's working daily:
For his arm Is strong, and he sings a
song,
AS he strikes his An-Bill Bailey.
The teacher had been talking about
a hen sitting on eggs, and, with the
incubator In his mind, asked IL eggs
could be Matched in any other way.
"Yes. put 'em under a duck" was
the response.
please excuse little Mary from at
tending school this afternoon, as she
-. t,t,,,trata6 throat with Glaciers