Willmar tribune. [volume] (Willmar, Minn.) 1895-1931, 1905-08-23
ins and little Kitty Mackney. He
losses at bridge - z: 5.ss

ins and little Kitty Mackney. Her
losses at bridge : 5=
Billy stirred restlessly on the very.
uncomfortable chair to which he had
been so nnceremoniously cond emned.
What thought was this" she went !
on, breezily. u thought it such an
awful pity that poor Dicky or Jerry
wasn't Harold Farsyde."
May I request you, madam ....
TO como to business? OF course.
Well, what have in my mind Is
scheme-the most perfect scheme imag-
inable-for rendering people approprl-
ate. We might form company, and
call it The 1mpersonators. Limited"
i Think l hardly follow YOU" p.
1T is quite simple, really. My idea
is to make poets look like poets. To
give an artistic tout ensemble to art
lists. Lecturers should look profound
all forehead and eyebrows and jaw
and not as if they were only interested
in some small, suburban chambers
shop. Positively, you know, these
clever people injure their own reputa-
tions by mingling with their fellow
creatures. You literary agents ought
not to allow your authors to appear In
public; they damage their own sales.
am sure they do: And painters are
always so in need Of decoration them
selves that you cannot possibly believe
in their genius. And as for your reputed
wits, have listened to more epigrams
at a mothers meeting in one short half
hour than ever heard at fashionable
gathering of celebrities
'You must have had some most un-
fortunate experiences"
mot unusually unfortunate. fancy.
Other people quite agree with me-
was talking to 49,. But-as you 50
courteously do not say-your time is
valuable, and am by way of becoming
nuisance. I will hurry on. then, to
my remedy. Why, Mr.. Boswell, should
all these famous people ever appear in
public at all?"
"Why?"
yes Would it not be better for all
concerned il they were to employ other
people to impersonate them? There are
plenty of nice young men who would
look far more like the authors of great
works than the real authors do. And
many of them would be only too glad
to earn a few guineas by wearing the
nantes of the great at receptions and
balls and dinner parties and afternoon
teas. They would, am sure, stimulate
sales enormously, instead of retardins
them"
you forget, madam, that the person
alities of most of our famous people are
already we'll known to the public. One
moment. How would it be possible to
introduce an altogether unknown per-
! son as the author of-shall we say?-Mr
Farsyde's book, either to a hostess OF
the casual reader? Mr.. Farsyde's por-
trait has appeared in"
"And you said you were cynic!" she
| sighed.
Pardon me-" said Billy, 1T was you
who said that
Anyhow" she rejoined, ''you ought
to know that the memory of the common
herd is the most short-lived thing in
the world. And then there are always
new men and women coming along
They, at least"
Il have not quite done. :. How, fol-
instance, could hint to my best author
that he's not altogether handsome!
How could point out to one of my
artists or poets that he was essentially
not picturesquc-that his wild hair re.
sembled rather the stufing out of 4
cheap sofa cushion than ambrosial
locks? 1t could not be done, my dea,
madam. The thing is not feasible
And my. brilliant wits! What, In the
name of all that is improbable, would
they do to me il told them, no matte,
how delicately, that their Imminent:
were not funny? And then, my lectur
erers. Imagine their wrath at bein:
compared to small suburban shipment
II didn't think" the lady faltered
"a d that is not the worst of it
either proceeded Billy, ruthlessly
How am to advise them to chang,
their tailor or their dressmaker, thei
halter or milliner, without laying my
self open to the suspicion of taking com
missions from tradesmen? And then
you know, these absurd people are prou,
of their houses and their back gardens
They plume themselves on their knowl
edge of horses and dogs. And, abov,
all, how is it conceivable that / shout,
criticise their wives adversely, and, il
the last dread resort, their children
without provoking them to reprisal
that might even be of sanguinary sort
No, madam. Your idea has points, ad
NIT, and, for some reasons l wish tina
it could be put into practice But 8.
long as life is ordered as it is at pres
ent, even the wisest and most inspire.
of mankind must have their share O
human nature. Show me how to elm
mate human nature and am prepare;
to talk to you till the cows come home.
Il see,'' said the lady, sadly, reflective
ly. But Thought, you know >. The,
don't look human one bit, anyway
And she smiled.-Chicago Chronicle.
IVORY DIFFICULT TO JUDGE
Billiard Balls That Look Just Alike
Differ in Lasting Quail