The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-10-04
HUMoR OF THE DAY

i HVMOR OF THE Day
Maria says she'll never get on a street
car 1.-The the right. way again
The other day she stepped of the way
George told her, and at the same moment
a fat woman in the seat ahead stepped of
the wrong way, and the car started and
Maria and the fat woman met face to
face and Maria bumped squarely up
against the fat woman and the fat wo-
man fell against Maria, and Maria
clutched the tat woman around the neck,
on Maria s shoulders as IL she meant to
waltz with her and then they both went
Star.
Mrs: oldblood-Do, you go back to Will
Mrs. New blood-No, but our boy Is q
quarterback.-New York Sun.
Northern man ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS is
the effect Of liquor drinking in this region,
Colonel Corlsright (courteously)-ws set
drunk. suh.-PucA.
when the canoe upset2'
No; quite the opposite
Quite the opposite?
Yes. the canoe upset when he clasped
me in his arms. Houston Post.
Considering the amount of listening that
derful that nearly every one is welI-in-
formed?-Somerville Journal.
Jaggles-How do you know you talked
sensibly to your wife?
Waggles-She wouldn't listen to me-
Judge.
Look at Bottle-Nose Ben. for instan nee.
said the earnest exhorter. 1t was the de-
mon rum that made him the one-eyed,
low-browed sot that he is today"
Not altogether, parson, said AlKtlt
Ike 1t mebbe made him a low-browea
sOt, but it was my good old gun that made
him one-eyed. philadelphia Standard.
Bobbie-whats bluntness of speech.
dad?
Dad-saying- sharp things.
Tommy Caught in the act)-I-I must
say, gran ma, that this preserves is jest
and Country.
AIistress-Bridget. have you ever made
lobster a Ia Newburgh2
Bridget-No, mum; I niver worruked
farther up III Hudson than Nyack.-
Puck.
Il suppose you can go where you like
whenever you like in your new motor
My friend. answered Mr.. sscudds, you
mistake. L am merely the owner. I am
not the chauffeur Washington Star.
Lady Ito her travelling companion, who
has just had his finger nail pinched badly
wrong with ones nails sets ones teeth on
edge all down ones backl'-Punch-
First Suburbanite-Are you sure you
have all your packages2 1 thought I saw
one on seat in the car.
Second Suburba nite-Well, I don't think
it's mine, but I'm never sure until get
home.-Brooklyn Life.
'.Johnf' whispered Johns wife. I'm
Thoroughly convinced there's a burglar
well dear" replied the husband, sleep
lily, Il hope you don't expect me to have
the courage of your convictions. Phil
adelphia Ledger
I notice they've got some insurance
men on the stand in New York"
Looks more like they've got 'em on
the run!'-New Orleans Times Democrat.
Singleton-Have you decided what you
are going to call the boy, old man?
Wedderton-Certainly. I'm going to call
him whatever my wife names him.-Chi-
cagO Daily News.
Are you going to betray the people at
ter they put you into office?
NV dear sir answered Senator Sor-
ghum. you misapprehend. The people did
not put me into office. And shall I go
back on the men who did?'-Washington
Star.
What qualifications have you for
position in the weather bureau7' asked
wen" replied the hopeful applicant.
Il once won prize in a guessing con-
test. philadelphia Press.
How did you like my talk last night?'
asked the beginner in the lecture field.
We'll" replied the candid critic, you
didn't take advantage of your many OPP
portunities"
Il didn't?'
NO you had a number of opportunities
to quit before you did. Philadelphia
Press.
will you remember me when I am far
away2' he asked the summer girl.
Il don't know" she answered. How
far are you going ?'-Chieago News.
Said the burglar; This town may be
slow.
But 1 don't much mind having it so;
Though some ind it dry,
I'm cohtented, for I
Do a cracking good business, y KNOW
Cleveland Leader.