Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1905-09-02
TRUTH OF THE MATTER

Tho tall. slim, cadaverous-lcoking man
with the hectic flush and the slight cough
the long hair, and the black. somewhat
seedy clothing. walked hesitatingly into the
managing editors sanctum.
The humorous sheets call 1t "sancrum.
anyhow. and they ought to know. As q
straight matter of fact, however. the man.
aging editors den is usually a room exposed
to all the winds Of heaven, so TO speak. to
which all hands. fore and aft, resort when
they've no other place TO go. and wherein
they sit upon the edge Of the managing ed
itor's desk, when he's trying to arrange q
makeup scheme, and breathe their hot
breath upon his hair. and tell him the
troubled. vicissitudinous stories OF their
lives.
The managing editor looked up amiably
at the apparition Of the cadaverous-looking
man. 1t Is true that managing editors are
invariably portrayed with heavy scowls
upon their countenances and with their
hands reaching for Notwithstanding paste
pots and scissors and other throwable i'm
pedimenta. But it doesn't matter how they
are invariably portrayed so long as the
facts are narrated.
courteous smile. The man with the hectic
flush gave a slight cough. He did not be-
stow the cough upon anybody in particular,
but he gave It,
his seedy-looking coat and produced a roll
OF manuscript.
II have here Mr. Closeforms." he said in
a sepulchral tone, "a poem upon autumn
which beg leave to submit to your consid-
Grafton"
The managing editor
Now, just walt a minute.
If the writer OF this absolutely verac!ous
story were to yield TO the temptation to
depart from the facts. and to follow in the
beaten path of the professional laugh pro-
vokers. he would. in order to attempt to
make little hit for himself go on to mar
rate
How the managing editors face suddenly
assumed expression of the most appall-
ing ferocity.
How thrusting forth his foot. the manas-
ing editor stepped upon spring which
hurled the cadaverous-looking poet out OF
the door and down the elevator shaft. with
much low-comedy breaking Of glass and
other business of that description.
Or he would exhibit the frenz!ed manag-
ing editor in the act of leaping over his
desk and grabbing hold Of the man with
the serulchral voice. pounding the unfortu-
mates head against the wall with sufficient
force to make large indentations therein.
and finally hurting him to the floor and
stamping upon him with hOb-nailed bro
gans.
Or he would show the managing editor
In the act of summoning four huge ex-
movers of pianos who would promptly
-
the frame Of the wretched victim OF the
poetic fever.
Or, finally, he would cause words Of the
most CALLING. shrivelng sarcasm to issue
from the curled lips OF the managing edi-
tor anent all imbeciles of amateur poets,
the effect of which would be to cause the
cadaverous-looking verse-maker to make
for the nearest stairway at lope
But the writer is not yielding to any temp
tations whatsoever. He is engaged In the
prosaic work of setting down the facts OF
occurrences junst as they come off In real.
everyday life, and not as they occur In the
pages of the screamfully funny sheets that
are exuded from the color presses.
Therefore,
"Ah" observed the managing editor to
the cadaverous-looking man. cordially mo-
been a little shy on seasonable verse lately.
and I'm glad that you've got something for
u.s.
The cadaverous-lookng man, who hap
pened to be not only producer OF fluent
and elegant verse. but a well-known oper-
ator In real estate. and worth s41S,Uo at
the very lowest estimate, and 4 man who
stood extremely well with everybody con-
nected with the newspaper, upstairs ana
down-the cadaverous-looking man sat
down, coushed slightly in the bowl OF his
hat and twiddled his thumbs in an easy
sort of way. "Um.' murmured the manag-
Ing editor, as he ran over the manuscript
of the poem on autumn, some tender and
touching sentiment in this. l perceive
'mournful breeze and swirling leaves
'russet brown through all the town'-'cold.
gray skies and autumn sigh-'the last
sweet rose and the garden hose'-um!-
charming! Well just run this in large
double-column form. In script type on the
first page Of the first supplement section,
Mr.. Snagrhyme. and I'm mighty glad you
brought 1t along to us-we were in need OF
Just that feature at this time. By the way,
how is that little deal Of yours in 'Teenth
street extended making out? Getting the
money in punches. Ell? Ah clever little
lot-selling scheme, that Mr.. Snagrhyme-
foxy move from the beginnlng!'
Then the cadaverous-looking man smiled
a slow, crafty smile, asked the managing
editor II he could spare a couple of minutes
to run down to the street level to see II
they couldn't find something moist some
where or another and, upon the managing
editor courteously declining upon the
ground of pressure OF work, took his de-
parture.
The above is the way the occurrence oc-
Cured.
The narrative may not-in fact. 1t does
not-conform to the rules and regulations
set up by the funny persons OF the 1chthy-
osaurian age and strictly adhered to by
the vast majority Of professional comic in
divduals ever since.
But that can't be helped.