Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1905-08-24
PA JON s NARROWED on A BA.

Mary remarked Ia Jones, as ~
p1raded into the presence of Ma with
a yachting cap ~jauntily set on his old
bald head, did it ever occur to you that
you kind and loving husband was an
old salt: Did it ever occur to you that
the man who so charitably yanked you
out of the Home for Aged Smiths and
led you to the altar was d real thing
sailor? Did it ever
What are you talking about. YOU
heathen?' interposed Ma. Il little testify.
What is the cause of your cackle? What
is the excuse for your present MARBLE:
What is"
"What am l talking about. madame?
What am I talking about, Mrs. Joncs?'
rejoincd Pa, in a stcan,ful voice. What
do you suppose I am talking about? What
does 1t sound likc? Do you think / am
talking about the prospect of peace be-
tween Russia and Japan? Do you think
that I would waste time murniuring
something to you that the Smiths don't
know anything about? Do you think |
am chirping the Benediction? Not on
your life, lovey-dovey! Not on your
life. angel wife. / am singing a song
of the sadful sea. I am trying to tell
you what Il great mariner you married..
l am trying to-
"A great mariner" exclaimed Ma, In
a tone of surprise. "Who ever told you
that you were a mariner? Who has been
throwing grsh at you for the reward of
n free drink? I don't believe that Won
could sail across the river on a ferry
ticket! I don't believe"
That's right, darling. That's right,
sweet pet.' barkcd the vocifcrous Pa.
Throw the harpoon into everything l
say, Jam a jolt into everything I do!
You are always discrediting me! You
think that I don't know anything: You
think that ] am a m of the Loyal
Legion OF Illustrious Smiths! You think
that l am n zap! But you have got an
other guess. darling! You have got an
other guess! l want you to distinctly un-
derstand that l know the sailor game from
the shuttle of the cards to the rake-off!
I want you to-
Oh, forget it, you old freak! Forget
it, cried the wearied Ma. You make
mo tired! You make me cross! OF course
you are a great sailor. OF course you
know all about navigating the sea. You
went on a moonlight excursion down tho
bay onca and saw the wheels of the
steamboat go around, You WENT
on Dct j KNOW an dDout II, SUlitIE.
You bet l know all about it.' broke in
Ia. with a chcsty air. "If ! didn't do
You think I you'd be foolish enough to
buy a sailboat? II I didn't do"
YOU silly simpleton." responded tho
indignant Ma. "Do you mean to tell me
that you have been buying a sailboat
when little Fido is barking all day for
ice cream? Do you mean to tell me that
,.@,, lax,p 1nn,, ,nptit m t,nno, lilo chat
when mother wants to ride on the merry
%go-round? Do you--''
''That's what I said. dear soul! That's
what ] said!' returned Pa. with IA maies-
tic glare at his little Mary. 'Didn you
hear me say it? Do you wan me to
begin at the first chapter and chant it
all over again? DO you want me to make
up as a black-face comedian and pick it
on a banjo? OF course I have bought a
sailboat! What else could | do to get
down here? You don't want me to go in
bathing! YOU don't want me to walk
on tho boardwalk unless YOU are leading
mo with a pale pink ribbon. You don't
want me to do anything but loaf around
looking like n dead one. YOU"
30 shut up. you old grouch!" inter-
jected the panied Ma. you mako me
sick! You must have a talk loose in
your jawbone! Get your little tin bucket
and shovel and play In the sand! Get"
NC l won't, madame No ! won't,
pretty Polly!" cried the shoutful Pa.
II won't do anything of the sort! l am
going out sailing! l am going to try
that new boat! DO you want to go with
me and see what a navigator the old man
is, or would YOU rather stay here M
have Il photographic duet with your dear
mother: i"
You may do as you please, Mr.. Jones!"
returned Ma, with a positive air. but
| prefer to stay on land! ] am too old
to swim and too young to die! You had
better leave all your loose change at
home. and want to tell you right here
that If you get drowned you needn't come
bowling around me for sympathy"
Throwing Il kiss at Ma and his foot at
little Fldo, Pa Jones happily hustled
hence. n was soon trying TO coax his
new craft over the waters of the bay.
Just how far Pa sailed Is u matter of
some doubt, for his story of the trip
was more or less mixed. 1t Is known,
however, that he did not return for
lunch! Neither did he return for din
ner. and when the lifesavcrs finally fovcd
tho great navigator he was marooned
m q sapAv har uyho ra thu frivoIn,ts tilo