Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1905-03-24
- s@;s'khSjHfS!i..
VN

mo. Simply war rumors."-Chicago
News.
Casey-"Did ye take vacation this
year, Mixer" Corrigan-"Oi did not.
Oh was out on strike from May to
October. Puck.
Waiter, 1 find here in my soup
needle-a needle, sirv' "That must
be misprint- should be. a
noodle. e."-Judge.
Flows you gettin' on wild youah
'rtthmetic, Lou?' 'I done learned to
add up the oughts, but de figures bod
der me."-Collier's Magazine.
All in the brand: Homer-"What's
the difference in time between Chicago
and PARISH" Rounder-"Well, that de-
pends on the kind of time you are
looking fol" Chicago News. !.
He says he proposes to make auto
mobiles that will easily attain speed
of eighty miles, an hour" "Whew!
that's great business undertaking"
Yes, but, most Of all, it means great
undertaking business. .''-PhiladeIphia
freSS.. = -
How did they ever come to, send
him to the !! legislature?''' .Welt; :. you
see, they were prevented by a technt-
cality from sending him. to the peni-
tenfiary and he showed no disposition
to move out of town. Chicago. Rec
ord Herald. :':;;.'.:;:>ts
Farmer Jones &&."Wal. tharss one
thing I like about these plaguey auto
mobolists, anyway, Farmer Brown
what is that y' Farmer j ones -.".They
don't mind getting killed themselves
any more than they do killing other
folk. Brooklyn Life. .....-s =
Baggs-"And so poor Daggs is dead.
I never got a chance-to bid him good
BY The first thing I do when get
to heaven will be to say how sorry
I was" Faggs-"But suppose he
didn't get to heaven" Baggs-"Then
you tell him for me. Town Topics.
"How is your school of journalism
doing?" "Well. it is little slow. We
have no trouble in getting people who
are willing to be teachers. The trouble
is to find anybody who doesn't think
he knows all about how a newspaper
ought to be run."-Washington Star
Il understand your wife is quite
literary" 81 should say SO; she won
a ten-dollar prize from the Ladies
Own Journal with an article on How
we managed to save enough in two
years to move twice and pay the
plumber for connecting the gas range
Puck.
Il don't like to say such long pray
ers," said little girl the other night
Il want to say nice short ones like
nursery does.' What kind does nur
sy sayT' inquired her mother. "Oh
she just says, oh, Lord, why do
have to get upr "-Philadelphis
Ledger.
Kifter-"That's a nice umbrella
you've got" Lifter-'Yes, it was {
present. Kifter-"Indeed? Who CAV,
it to you Lifter-"Nobody gave i
to me, but it has an inscription on /
showing that it was presented tt
John F. JONES' whoever that is
philadelphia Press.
"Old Bliggers is such a strong Dem
ocrat 1 should not have supposed h
would consent to his daughters marry
ing young Smith, who is a Republi
can" "Well, Biggers says his wifi
is a Democrat, too, and he is goin;
to get somebody else into the famil.
for her to argue with. Life.
The sicA man had called his lawyer
81 wish to explain again to you," sal,
he, weakly, "about willing my prop
erty-"' The attorney held up hi
hand reassuringly, There, therew sail
he; leave that all to me-" The sic
man sighed resignedly. 81 suppose
might as well," said he, turning upo
his pillow; you'll get it, anyway
Judge.
Anxious Inquirer-"Is 1t true tina
for fifteen shillings l can insure m
house for thousand pounds?" Cler
-"Quite true, madam. If your hous
burns down we pay you thousan
pounds" Anxious Inquirer-"And
you make any inquiries as to how th
fire originator Clerk-'Certainly
We make the most careful inquiries.
Anxious Inquirer-"Ah! though
there was a catch in it somewhere.
l-Tatler.
Mrs. kidder-"Charles, can't 70
give me another check? l see yo
have whole book full" Mr.. Kidde
-''That doesn't signify, dear. 1 hay
used up my balance at the bank.
Mrs. Kidder-''Then why didn't 70
give up your check-book? Now, it
no use for you to tell stories, Josep
Kidder. If you mean to say shan
have any money, why don't you sa
so right out, like manY'-Ex.
The principal of the school wa
talking with him about his boy. .'B
the way, Mr.. Wipedunks, he said;
have made discovery about Jerr.
He's ambidextrous." 81 don't see ho
that can be- replied Mr.. Wipedunk
with rising Indignation; 'he hail
never been exposed to it. Besides, /