New-York tribune., 1905-12-02
HATES TO GO HOME,

A. Atcbison woman advertised for a cook saying
in the advertisement that "a man was employed
to do the heavy work But we maven any
man" protested her husband. That's YOU, re
sponded his wife.
The Method-The Drake-Your ponteness to your
Ivife's mother is remarkable. I notice that at
meal time you give her all the cholcest DIS DitS o+
The Turkey-You bet. l look forward WIN eIedl
exneetation to Thanksgiving.-(BI ooklyn Life
divorce produces many embarrassing situations
Al Arkansas city man who had twice been dl-
vorced took his third wife to the theatre recently
I4is two earlier wives have become good frlenos'
ord when the couple took their seats the man
looked around, and to his CONSERVATION saw ne
had his three wives in q row beside him
THE CULT OF THE PoPPYcocK
male Aimee and a Poppycock
SAID saiey he Ss' There's a stated hour. lin | find
he the tea hour tolls for buttered rolls.
So now is a time for swapping souls - f.ool,
And the Aimee sighed, as she smoothed ner iroch'
TITS a purple thought, dear Poppycock!
.e,1ow as for me- mused the 1.-THE Aimee.
Il >9f Sigh the most for the more see,
Tn0egh To0e heed my need Of the Basic What
I'M Ind you ycaught the thought Of our mingled zones
aFIo How Wonder deep is the blend" cried he
s1Of our atmos2heres, dear twin Ahmee
rrha svelte Aimee and the Poppycock,
In evening dress and a Essome frock
And under a blood red chandelier
And the BoundleSS Since OF tne vast foeloiC
And Of those who came in motley frock;
Some cried Aimee! and some Poppyeock!
-Burges Johnson, in Harpers Magazine
Robbe's father according to 'Lippincott's Maya
zine" had a friend call
After they had chatted few minutes the only
o,oar on the table was offered to the guest, so
Robbie went upstairs for fresh box AS the boy
reached the top stair his father was startled 70
hear:
the XII nd Civ
PROGRESSIVE MATRIMoNY.
always tell young S husband b goa. f94q Sfsr an
bncket Of water says Unole Hiram. Three
months nG aTrsa casts e oove ances at the house as
though one were lSokPg S at ThRs hm the To pue ne
Sandie more slowly smiles occasionally, and seems
to be anhf 6e looks sour and glum kicks the cat
over the coalhouse and looks at the nouse as as II II
narraed he sits the doorstep and smokes while Ct
MS wife works the pump handle e"-(kansas CITY
Journal
The irate farmer who orders the city sportsman
off his lands is always incomprehensble to the
roar with the gun. His stories of damage to his
cattle are unbelieved, but there seems to be some
reason for the rural objection to city gunners. ITO
lrrov how widespread the cattle shooting habit is'
said a government meat inspector, DR.. n. c. Pink
er+on lone should take up a position beside
inspector at packing house and note how many
cattIa are fayed revealing charge OF bird shot in
tbeir bodies Some are peppered on side only;
others on both sides don't know whether the
cases are all accidental whether the hunters
shoot the cattle full of bird shot just for fun
mighty few either native range cattle, reach
the packing houses without carrying souvenirs OF
some glorious hunting trip
The Nearest Human.-A group of tired women
were listening to free concert in one OF the de-
partment stores. where the virtues or certain
66iano PLAYER are usually demonstrated. On this
particuiar occasion, however, a long haired young
man had usurped the place usually occupied by the
mechanical device. Extreme physical WEAKNESS
may blunt the sense OF humor, or perhaps women
are really deficient in that senseat any rate,
of the little audience appeared TO be amused by the
tabIeau OF the soulful young man playing away
industrlously with huge sign hanging over his
head: 'IJearest Human OF any Piano P4ayer."-
OIarnera MaRaZin6.