The Topeka state journal., 1905-10-21
HUMoR or THE Day

HUM0R OF THE Day
s=@===s=
..I suppose said the friend Of the fam
ily, you win so into business and live up
to your fathers reputation"
5i1p ef TePlea pesf ere sen shan q de ro into
society and try to live it down. &C ChieagO
Daily News.
Judge-You stand convicted OF marry
ing ten widows. Have you, anything 70
Prisoner-Only dis. judge: hope yer'n
remember. IN passin' sentence, how much
trouble I have saved nine other fellera.-
Judge.
Prospective Guest-Do you set a good
table here2
Hotel cierk-yyhy, folks come here Per
fectly healthy and go away with the gout
and dyspepsia.-Life.
do you object TO Sunday rest?'' said
a voice in the crowd. But the Anarchist
Atheist orator was not stunpeq.
that the other days in the week be treat
ed the same way."-Cleveiand Leader.
Parson Coopah-De choir win now sing
dat beautiful hymn, I'VE Hain't Got Long
To Stay Here after singing which dey
viii consider deInselves discharged and
gationai sinGin' hereafter.-Puck.
Why don't you raise pumpkins out heref
Kansan-Ne tried it. but the SOIL ie too
rich for EN-. The vines grow 50 fast that
over the ground.-Judge
Say. give me . synonym for expert
will you?'' said the court reporter, nib
What are you writing about2'' asked
Expert testimony"
oh, the word conflicting amounts to
the same thing. 3-Philadelphia Ledger.
An enterprising Georgia citizen has this
advertisement over his place Of business.
General Commission Merchant and I'm
dertaker. Automobiles and Funerals on
the Instalhnent Plan. When In Need Of
Either. or Both Gail on Me.'-Atlanta
Constitution
she-What do you think of this new
theory. that all the angels belong to the
masculine sex2
He-Well, the men have to go some
where, now. you women want the earth
Baltimore American.
"A man always gets on easier by taking
yes answered Mr.. Meelton. when
things turn out badly there isn't SO much
said. w ashington Star
Il see that some high church authorities
have. DECIDED that there are no female
Good. gracious. wonder what their
wives viii say to that.s-Cleveland Plain
Dealer.
Mr.. subbubs-what,s the tter?where
is the new servant, girl?
misunderstanding. told her she had bet
ter dust this morning, and the first thing
I knew she had dusted.-Philadelph
Press.
do you believe in affinities in love?''
of course; but notice that the kindly
fates usually arrange that they live on
the same section of land San Francisco
''The home team was beaten agsin.''
Yes answered the loyal enthusiast.
But the other club had eleven men to
our nine-tSe regular outfit OF players
and two unpires- ashington Star.
she-Before we were married you want
ed to buy me everything you saw.
He-I do still, dear. but I am so blindly
in love with you that I can't see much
Mrs NeWVlywed-wen, Henry. how do
you like my pies?
Mrs. Donough-Aren't you dreadfuiiy
put out when your congregation goes to
sleep while you are preaching2
DIR. Fourthly-Not at all, my dear mad
am. can preach the same sermon again
and nobody viii know the difference, you
see.-Cleveland Leader.
The man who. put this miserable cage
together, said the rat in the trap. FOR
got to provide the proper exits. Nobody
can deny that"
NO replied, the wise old rat on the
outside, there's no getting away from
that - Philadelphia Ledger.
Ciffe-Tn early times the leading statea-
men were those who split rails
spinks-But we have none save wire
Giffe-And the leaders are consequently
those who pull wires.-Louisville Courier
Journal
fT don't .b'reve in dis thin aey calls
cremation, said Brother Williams.
Neither does I. replied Brother Dick
ey. 'tAt the gait some folks gwine IN dis
woTI, SatanH tend ter dat FER 'uun here
after en- save expenses. Atlanta Consti-
tuition.
Angel Chiid-Aunt Daisy. what is meant
by a fictitious character
Aunt Daisy-That means one that is
Angel Child-oh. yesl Then you're a hc-
titious character. aren't you, auntie?-
Cleveland Leader.
QUAKER REFLECTIONS.
IFrom the Philadelphia Record.l
Clothes don't make the man or the
ballet 9'rl.
The henpecked man has to do all his
Growing away from home.
It doesn't do the phonograph any
good to break the record.
The fellow who lets the grass grow
under his feet cuts no ice.
You can drive a horse to a watering
cart. but you can't make him drink.
A postage stamp is no good when il
gets stuck on itself; likewise a man.
The chronic borrower says with