davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Los Angeles herald., 1905-06-08
GARBAGE PROBLEM
CREATES A STIR
SAY CONTRACTOR Is LAX IN
HIS DUTY
HEALTH BOARD TAKES ACTION
Report of Special Inspector Shows
That Only About Four and
Half Tons of Refuse Are
Dumped Daily

1--WE beg to report that c. A. Alex
ander is not collecting or disposing OF
the city's garbage and other refuse to
the satisfaction of the board OF health
or according to the terms of the con-
tract, and recommend that the contract
be Cancelled and whatever money may
be due the contractor be withheld"
This is the resolution adopted by the
board of health last night, which will
be presented to the council at the ad-
journed meeting of that body Friday
afternoon.
Health Officer DIR. Powers has had
sanitary inspector especially detailed
at the garbage crematory and dump
since May 16. The report of that IN
spector to date was presented to the
board last night and the above action
was the result.
The report shows that there are
eighteen wagons now used in collecting
the garbage of the city, and that the
wagons haul but an average of two
tons per week, or an aggregate OF thir-
ty-two tons. Thus but about four ana
half tons of refuse per day are dis
posed of by the contractor. who re-
ceives for this $224O per month from
the city. The inspectors report that at
various times during the past year they
have visited the crematory and found
but from two to five tons of garbage
were burned.
Says II Is All Humbug
"It is simply a humbug the way this
thing is conducted declared Mayor
McAleer, in summing up the case. 1.-THE
city pays Alexander $224O month,
supposedly for collecting about 100 tons
of refuse per day, and he is drawing
the money while collecting and dispos-
ing of but four and a half tons of the
garbage. The city could better AFFORD
to collect this garbage itself. The most
of 1t is thrown on the dump anyway
and the little additional which has been
destroyed would make no difference.
DIR. Powers stated that much of the
garbage Gall that is miXed) is thrown
on the dump, and some people rake IL
apart and let the sun evaporate the
water. The tin cans are then put IN
pile. the dry refuse piled around them
and burned, the heat being used to
melt the solder in the cans. When
this is done the tin is loaded on to
wagon and carted to the window sash
factory and sold.
The board is determined to secure
right system of garbage collection In
the city and stop the payment of such
a large sum of money for unsatisfactory
work.
j. j. O'Brien was elected formally as
a sanitary inspector.
The Washington times., 1905-10-22
Sadly Outnumbered.
BY L. A. EBDELL, 1o17 Fifteenth
Street n. w.
(Awarded a Prize of s2.) !

Richard Mansfield, who had the
courage and the intelligence TO take up
George Bernard Shaw, when other ac-
tors and managers saw in him nothing
but eccentric folly. said OF the play
wright recently:
SHAW Is undoubtedly the greatest Wit
OF our time In any crisis. no matte r
how sudden and unexpected it may be
Shaw is ready with a witticism.
There was proof of this at the first
production of Candida in London. The
audience was an intelligent one, com
posed OF Shaw's friends in the main.
and II applauded CANDIDA" enthusiastic
cally. calling the writer before the cur
tain Mt the end.
But into the house. somehow. a
Philistine had come a stupid fellow.
who could see no merit in Candida and
when Shaw a-peared on the stage the
Philistine shouted in voice that could
be heard distinctly above the applause:
The play is rot Rot Rotii Roti,i'
'Mr- Shaw smiled and nodded.
Il agree with, my friend he said
but what chance have you and against
all these othersr"
The Washington times., 1905-10-22

yards UP the road was an elm tree
under which was buried a pot of gold
and invited them to dig for it, as the
rules of the Institution made it impos-
sible for him TO do so.
The men concluded that the informa-
ton. coming from such a source. was
not worth acting upon but the same
evening when alone. one of them de-
cided he would try. So when the world
slept he started for the place described.
found the elm tree, and dug at it's roots
until forced to the conclusion that there
was no gold there.
The next day he went sagain to the
grounds and found his informant-still
busy with the brush-and this CONVEX
sation took place:
look here. there is no gold under
that elm tree.
ibid you find the tree spoke of?''
"Yes"
did you dig for the gold?'
Yes
''All right; get a brush.''
The Washington times., 1905-10-22
Cause for Thanksgiving.
by MRS. c. n. P1cxW, a1o Kentucky
Avenue Southeast

The late Gen. Benjamin +. Butler told
tie following on himself:
Several years after the war the gen.
eral had occasion to visit Georgia, and
from town on the railroad took a
two-seated ramshackle vehicle, driven
by typical Southern darky, for his
place of destination.
The general entered into conversation
with the driver, and learned that he was
one of eleven boys. and that he had a
twin brother He asked the driver his
name.
Abraham Lincoln Backus." was the
answer.
"A. fine. noble name.s sa.d the gen.
eral-
The driver was quiet a moment, then
suddenly said; Wat you think dat my
twin brudder's name is?''
II have no idea" said the general.
His name is BENJAMIN f. Butler
Backus."
The general appreciated the compli-
ment. and was thinking 1t over when
the driver added:
''Bcss, I was always glad dat / was
born fust.''
The Washington times., 1905-10-22
Permission Granted.
BY X. A. KAUFMAN, 432 Eleventh
Street s. z.

6y IL a. kAUFMAH, z32 Eleventh
Street s. z.
Ex-President Cleveland used to fish
and hunt a good deal In the Barnegat
Bay District. John Camburn, a Ware
town guide, says that one cold, wet
night Mr.. Cleveland got lost. He wan
dered through the mud. rain, and dark
ness for more than two hours. but not
a house could be seen. not q light nor
road. Finally, though. he struck a mar
row lane in which a house appeared.
Mr.. Cleveland was cold and tired and
thought ne would go no farther So he
banged at the door till a window on
the second floor went up and a gruff
voice said:
WHO are your
"A friend" said Mr.. Cleveland meek
fly
What do you wantT'
ITO stay here all night"
Stay there, then"
And the window descended with a
bang and Mr.. Cleveland, shouldering
his gun again, resumed his journey
wearily.
The Washington times., 1905-10-22
Had EN- to Burn.
BY DELLA E. HUGHES, 1915 Fourth
Street Northwest.

The train was leaving Lancaster when
u young woman in the rear of the car
began to cry violently So loud We're
her lamentations that Il young man who
sat opposite went over and tried To
comfort her. You seem TO be in great
grief, madam said he. rs there any
thing 1 can do for you?''
No, no." replied she, between her
sobs- I've just had my husband Gre
mated"
on hearing this an elderly lady In the
next seat also began to cry violently.
The young man went from the young
TO the elder woman, and asked IL there
was anything he could do for her. She
straieihtened up. and replied. in a
naughty tone:
mo. there is nothing. I'm sixty years
old, and never had husband Now
please do something for this poor WON
an who has them TO burn"
The Washington times., 1905-10-22
Compact With the Devil.

1t was rumored that he was respo'
BILE for many murders and other
cious crimes, but he was never
neither could he be incarcerated
he had a compact with the dev.
whenever he invoked hi ~tanic ma.
ty the latter rendered - n.
visible to human eyes
an ant. so that he .a
danger. He had no
tlves. because he W
One thing he low
He planted numero
fiocks OF birds that
70 his home every l.o-rr q
crumbs OF bread .
patio.
Many years aR %
membered by tn. ,od
Friday-everybo' dsd
the religious Sc mo
and were going -r rt.. an a
terrific noise go
to the street r--l find
out what IL W ... oart%
had opened .l.. Saet
The Washington times., 1905-10-22
Conditions of the Offer.

Of
Sunday Times
OF weknown people, incidents
Sunday will
81
all the
submitted.
of
n De given.
Make
a
anecdote
at the topo
in the
envelope
Address SHORT STORY Sunday Times
o the
The Washington times., 1905-10-22

and that he loved them. etc. She
thought the youngster had taken 1t in
and she had.
few mornings later when the
mother came into the dining room, the
child was in her old position in the
sun-bathed window. One little finger
rested against an imprisoned fly. Lis
tening the mother heard the following
monologue: Poor little fly. God loves
little fly. Does little fly want 10 see
God?" The finger is working close to
the collection of buzz now. Then a
sigh Is followed by, Little fly shall
see God'-and q sharp dab
The Washington times., 1905-10-22

barrel. When he wished to descend, ne
instructed a workman on the ground to
take out few of the bricks. All went
well until one day the man on the top
put in too many bricks. so that when
he pushed the barrel OFF to lift the Irish
man In the other barrel, the brick bar
rel was far too heavy. The result was
that Pat went UP like a flash; the brick
barrel struck the ground and fell to
pieces, thus tightening that end of the
rope and Pat fell with terrific rnomen-
tum back to the ground and landed in a
trough Of soft mortar. His friend on the
seventh floor called down to him. ask
ing If he was hurt. He answered: "Oi
don't know yez. OF passed yez twice to-
day, and yez didn't spake TO me-"
The Washington times., 1905-10-22

bed. but never noticed Pat being IN the
same bed.
Later in the night they awoke, and on
finding someone in bed with him, Pat
said: Mike, somebody Is in bed with
me-" Mike answered: ME. too" Pat
returned: Lets kick them out" To
which Mike answered: "All right"
They both started kicking, when final
| ly Mike said: II got mine OUT
But poor old Pat, who had been some
what shaken UP. could only reply. Mine
got me out.f
The Washington times., 1905-10-22
The Only Place.
17 n. ,. LOWE. 4so Eleventh Street
Southeast.

A Southeast school teacher was pass
ing the home of one OF her pupils re-
Gently, when the parents evidently had
a misunderstanding over some ques-
ton. judging from the amount OF harsh
language used
The teacher on the following day gave
the little boy from the house in ques-
ton the following sentence TO write on
the blackboard with its definition:
''Wh'sre is happiness always to be
found?''
The little boy wrote the answer: In
the dictionary"
The Washington times., 1905-10-22

* dents InaL nave OCCuTESu uiOcA
a huge tree that grows in the
Haciendita ranch. in the Zamora
district. Michoacan. peasants of the re-
gion are growing more and more super
stitious about It's supposed fatal omen.
and they begin TO call Ii "arbol nlaidl-
to- (cursed tree).
The tree Is supposed to be over seven
ty-five years old. says the Mexican Her
aid, ard is said to have been planted by
a man who, because of his numerous
crimes and his forgetfulness of the Di-
vine law. was swallowed up by the earth
That man. according TO tradition, was
I'm hombre muy malo. He never went
to mass, never confessed, did not have
the image of saint in his house, did
not carry a rosary around his neck ana
never made the sign OF the cross. There
was not a beggar in the town who had
ever received .biaco chiquito'' (oIu
coin equivalent to IL centsl from him.
He never gave anything for the church,
and never took OF his hat when he met
"padrecito" on the street.
The Washington times., 1905-10-22
His Remedy.
~ ~. - vEpxTx, .33s Harvard Street
Northwest.

Prof. Henry ST. George Tucker, the
newly-elected president OF the James
town Exposition, and former dean of
the George Washington University Law
School. is fond OF singing out indi-
vidual students unexpectedly and ask
ing them pointed questions. On one oc-
casion he was explaining to the Gle ass
the kinds OF legal redress open to q
man whose business is interfered with.
or whose comfort Is infringed. by ex-
cessive noises made by his neighbors or
his fellow-tenants. After outlining
what a man might do. according to law,
when people in the same house keep
him from sleeping or working. DIR.
Tucker turned to Nr. X, a member OF
the class, and inquired: Mr.. X, what
legal remedy would you seek If, in the
hotel where you lived, a small baby
should set UP a terrific howl in, the
middle OF the night and persist in Keep
ing Il up?'
Unhesftatingiy. MY. X. probably a
married man, replied: '.Professe-=, :
would give the baby paregoric."
The Washington times., 1905-10-22
What He Wanted to Know.
BY CHARLES a. SMITH, l12l Fff-
teenth Street N. W.

a bishop in full robes of office, with
his gown reaching to his feet, was teach
Ing Sunday school class. At the close
he said he would be glad to answer any
questions. a little hand went UP. and
he asked:
We'll. my boy?'
Can / ask?" said the boy
Certainly" said the bishop. What Is
it?"
Weil' asked the boy. 'is dem all
you've got on. or do you wear pants
under emf"
The Washington times., 1905-10-22
One on Him.
BY BEN MARROW, SIS thirteenth
Street II. w.


Toad" was the nickname of a Iittte
squatty fellow in a Southern town. His
fondnes5 for drink was well known to
all the town people. and although he
would accept every invitation to drink.
he was never known TO treat" in re-
turn Nevertheless, he was well liked
on account of his many witty remarks.
and so was never at a loss to get a
drink.
But. of course. the pace was too fast.
and in short time he died OF what is
commonly called whisky consumption.
and was buried, as would be supposed.
Ia the potter's field, and over his grave
was placed wooden heaGstone.
Some one. knowing his inability or
dislike TO treat, could not resist the
temptation TO place on his wooden
tombstone the following words:
This is on me-"
The Washington times., 1905-10-22
They Were Left in Peace.
BY MRS. II. RICHEY, Bal1ston. va.
(Awarded Prize Of S1.)

1t was on a railway train going
through Indiana. Among the passengers
was a newly married couple who made
themselves known to such an extent
that the occupants OF the car commenc-
ed passing sarcastic remarks about
them. The bride and groom stood the
remarks for some time Finally the
latter. who was a man of tremendous
size, broke out in the following Language
at his -tormentors: Yes. we are just
married. We are going 160 miles further
and am going to spoon all the way. II
you don't like It. you can get out and
walk. She's my violet, and I'm her
sheltered oak
During the remainder Of the journey
they were left in peace.
The Washington times., 1905-10-22
Good Enough for Him.
By A. r. sToUFFER, lzs Heckmanr
Street S. z.

As Pat McGann was taking his hour
for lunch. resting on his pile of brick.
along came a street vender with load
of water melons. Pat thought he would
buy one and see what the nice green
fruit was like. Being a new conner In
this country, he had never tasted one.
AS he cut his melon open a negro came
along, and Pat cut out all the red part
and gave It 10 him. His companions
asked him what he was doing that for.
whereupon Pat replied: "Oh. the CUTS
are good enough for the domd nigger"
And TO the astonishment of his friends
he proceeded TO eat the rind-
The Washington times., 1905-10-22
Couldn't Be Done.
By Z. a. EBDELL, lo17 Fifteenth
Street II. w.


Charles Hawtry. the actor, told the
following story to a party Of friends
when he was last In Washington:
An old friend of his was for some
years judge OF a court in London. and
always endeavored 10 smooth over any
little difference between persons
brought before him On one occasion
the charge was for a technical assault.
and it came out in the course of the
evidence that the parties were neigh
bors and had been on the best of terms
for some years.
1t is a great pity" said the judge,
that old friends. as you seem to have
been. should appear before me in such
way. Surely this is a case which
might be settled out Of court?''
1T can't be done, Judge" answered
the plaintiff. moodily. Il thought of
that myself. but the cur won't fight"
The Washington times., 1905-10-22
Economy Is Wealth.
By n. j. LOWE, 43o Eleventh Street
Southeast

An old colored woman died severa,
years ago in southern Maryland. She
formerly resided in Baltimore. whore
she had a large number of relatives
Her husband wished TO have her re-
mains inferred as cheap as possible He
called at the railroad station and asked
the price of a round trip ticket TO Bal
timore for the corpse. After being in
formed as TO the cost of the ticket the
agent said he could never recall the in
The Washington times., 1905-10-22
The Jacky and the Mule.
BY CHARLES A. sIDMAs, The Glen
Quarry Road. ID. G.

Oy SAAsb6S "A. S1oMAEy Tne Glen,
Quarry Road, d. @.
1t is an unwritten law on shipboard
ana especially on men-of-war that the
quarterback is for the exclusive use of
ofncers, and all good seamen remem-
Der 1T. in spite OF their ambitions.
IL once happened that an ancient
mariner, while, on shore leave, cap
tured mule Not without difficulty
he mounted the animal. perching him
self as near its tail as possibIe-the
mule objecting in every way known of
mule. and In ways several and unex-
pected.
Jack. sit more amidships," called
out an engineer officer, who happened
past, "and you'll ride easier
Captain trimmed the old salt, this
is the first craft 1 ever commanded,
and rs a pity II I can't stay on the
quarterback"
The Washington times., 1905-10-22
The Retort Courteous.
BY MRS. M. q. sHH11En, woodssock,
Virginia.

Two clergymen, Mr.. Everett and Mr..
Mason were not perhaps the best OF
friends. Now 1t so happened that Mr..
Mason had married a sweetheart of Mr..
Everett and Mr.. Everett had been so
unfortunate as to bury three wives
Mr.. Everett, who was naturally sarcas-
tic. while conversfng with Mrs. Mason
remarked. Now. Laura. had you mar
ried me instead of this old gentleman I;
see how much handsomer husband you
would have had" She, Willingly, re-
piled, why. Brother Everett, had l mar
ried you. I'd have been dead long ago.
Crestfallen. he replied. That's my mis-
fortune. - "And IL would have been mine
to have married YOU" she replied.
The Washington times., 1905-10-22
Eggs Were Plenty Enough.
BY z. L. sIsrPsoN, saas u Street
II. w.
(Awarded a Prize of s1N

While Jay Gould was travelling on the
Wabash system, he stopped over for din
ner at little town in southern Illinois.
The party ate some eggs, among other
things. and when the bill was presented
10 Gould 1t contained the item: zone
dozen eggs, $50"
The great railroad magnate remarked
that eggs must be at premium in that
section TO which the restaurant keeper
rephed' NO, sir; eggs are plenty
enough, but Jay Goulds are misbtv
scarce.v
The Washington times., 1905-10-22
Strangers Now.
by OTIS q. KENT, Room al Postonsea
Building.

An Irish laborer. working on the sew
enth story or a ten-story building, In or
der TO save effort in climbing. attached
d plock and pulley on the top of the
structure Over the pulley he placed a
rope with a barrel at each end. One
barrel was filled with bricks and the
ether he used for his lift" When he
wished to ascend, he gave the signal TO
MS 1eliow-workman on the seventh floor
TO put q few more bricks in the upper
The Washington times., 1905-10-22
A Helpful Suggestion.
ny ANABEL wALPoRr RHODES, 5aa
n Street II. e.
Awarded a Prize of SS.1

One morning a Sunday school was
about to be dismissed. and the young
sters were already in anticipation re-
laxing their little cramped limbs after
the hours of confinement in straight
backed chairs and benches. when the
superintendent arose. and instead of the
usual dismissal announced: And now
children, let me introduce Mr.. Smith.
who will give US a short talk"
Mr. Smith smilingly arose, and after
gazing impressively around the class
room. began with. 81 hardly know what
to say"-when the whole school was con-
yulsed to hear small. thin voice way
back in the rear. lisp:
'Thay amen and thit DOWN.
The Washington times., 1905-10-22
His Favorite Game.
~ MISS nEME BARR, sallston, Va.

~ MISS nENE BARR, Ba1lston, Va.
At dinner one day some men were dis
eussing the merits of different species OF
game. One preferred canvasback duck.
another woodcock. while a third thought
quail was hard to beat. me discussion
and the dinner ended about the same
time. t'Weil, Frank" said one of the
men. turning to the waiter. what kind
OF game do you like the bestT'
We'll. Massa. replied Frank. Ito tell
you de trufe, almost any kind of game
suits me, but what 1 like best is an
American Eagle served on silver dol
lar"
The Washington times., 1905-10-22

"I wish II was a boy" said Johnny,
so l could play marbles with him, an
baseball"
Well" said the storekeeper. why
don't you exchange your lirtie sister for
a boy?"
Johnny reflected for a minute. then he
said. rather sorrcwfully:
I'VE can't now. It's too late. We've
used her four days"
The Washington times., 1905-10-22
The Force of Habit.
~ 1ns. =. Z. CLARK, silver spr.ns.
Maryland.

Mr.. Lester was visiting an Insane
asylum Now. this" said the guide, on
coming to an unusually large room, lis
where the people who have gone insane
over automobiles are kept And It is
always fun" Mr.. Lester was intensely
surprised ON looking In to see about
one hundred beds bat only three or four
people. Turning to the guide he said:
You say this room is full and / only
see these few people Where are the
rest?"
Why the rest" was the reply. ARE
underneath the beds foo,ing with the
springs"
The Washington times., 1905-10-22
A Discriminating Youth.
BY JOSEPH b. a1ovEE, Forest Glen
Maryland.

Here Is a story that Rev. Dr.. Moxon.
of Springfield, tells Of John Flske, which
illustrates his frankness:
1t seems that one day his wife had
TO report to him that their son had
been guilty Of calling Mrs. Jones q
neighbor, a fool. and Mr. Jones much
worse fool. Prof. Fiske sent for the
youngster. and when he appeared in the
library, said to him, sternly: My son,
is it true that you said Mrs. Jones was
a fooi?"
: Hanging his head. the boy replied:
Yes, father. / did"
And did you call Mr.. Jones worse
Yes, father"
After moments reflection the fa-
nous historian, said, slowly: well, my
son, that Is just about the distinction
should make"
The Washington times., 1905-10-22

cident of having sold a round trip
ticket for a dead body. He asked the
darKy why he preferred such a ticket
'You see, Boss. de reason why i
vans such n tickit is cause / finds It
cheaper 20 'zibit her corpse 10 her reia-
tfons than to have dem comm down
here and livin' OF me fer two months"
The Washington times., 1905-10-22
Fairly Earned.
BY GRACS e. LADD, 719 Twelfth
Street Northwest.

"A minister walking along a road saw
crowd of boys sitting In a ring with
a small dog in the center.
What are you doing with that dog?-'
he asked.
Whoever tells the biggest lie, wins
the dog" said one of the boys.
''Oh." said the minister, I'm surprised
at you boys, FOR when 1 was your age
never told lie"
There was a moments silence. Their
one of the boys said: Give the gem
the dog, Jim
The Washington times., 1905-10-22
A Typographical Error.
BY A. c. ouIEsENBERRy, Hyatts-

by A. G. QUIEsENBERRY, Hyatts-
Vile.
Some years ago the Rev. Gilby c. Kei-
ly. a brilliant young Methodist minister,
was invited TO prepare and read an
original poem at the commencement ex-
ercises of a school for young women. In
Winchester. Ky. He did so; and, upon
request, the poem was printed in the
local paper. One line of 1t read:
And scroll and complimentary wreath. {"
But when the paper came out that linz
read:
And smell and compliment my breath. {"
The Washington times., 1905-10-22

best part of my baggage" replied the
other in a tone of disgust. WAS It
stolen, or did you leave 1t at the
hotel?" Worse than either-the cork
came out
The Washington times., 1905-10-22
When the Minister Scored.
By xATHE1x1TE sKELBY TODD
6he1byvtl1e, Ky.

A certain minister applied 10 his
church for an increase of salary
Salary" cried one OF the members
Salary Why. 1 thought ya., rre:.l. Z.
for souls And so / do" meekly re-
piled the impecunious minister, but
] cannot eat souls. and If / could IL
would take a good many souls the size
- yours TO make decent meal"
The Washington times., 1905-10-22
The Fly Saw God.
6y M. soOME, Washington, D. q.
AWARDED a Prize of 63,)

small girl has developed a mania
IN fly pursuit. She corners the little
creatures in an angle of the window
pane, and a vicious thrust OF a pudSv
finger leaves only a smear. Her
mother undertook one day to bring the
little one TO realization of her duties
to the weak and helpless in nature. she
told her that God had made the flies.