The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1905-07-09

1t was with a great sense of satisfaction
i'll our own prudence, that we finally de-
cided last Monday morning to prevent
various and divers accidents among our
offsprings by forbdding the use of baby
walkers, firecrackers. Roman candles and
skyrochets on the Fourth of July--th;,t
glorious day of blsters. bruises, burns
and busted physiognomies. Our object
e was not economy, but simply a desire to
avert juvenile agony.
Somehow or other. the more children we
have the more nervous we get about
them. though one would fancy that ears
long since hardened to Juvenile howls OF
anguish, in course of time wuo!d become
accustomed 20 momentary alarms, and
would no longer send II thrill Of horror
through their parental possessors.
But Il tSuf. so.s
Although Z now have to keep double
entry set OF books to retain my recollec-
ton OF all my paterlal Responsibilities"
the scream OF an infant or the hawling
OF a wounded urchin gets me as badly off
my gazippe as if l were a hen with one
chicken.
For days before the Fourth of July
came. we We're aware that extensive
preparations Of the pyrotechnic order
We're in PROGRESS. aud that all the Lillpu-
tian world was looking forward with eager
anticipatonS to the observance of the
fiery anniversary which is like the balm
Of youth to that moulting old bird. the
American eagle.
For Instance. we missed our homely,
but none the less useful friend, the gar
bage barrel on the first of the month
and five hours thereafter. we saw that
six palings off the fence had disappeared
and that there a notable ljrOiOItt ion
4 In the number of cracker boxes which
erstwhile had crowded our pantry.
Having in the remote geologic ages been
boy myself-and monstrous lively,
pcart boy at that-I forthwith suspected
what was doing, and called into con-
sultation the famous student of pucrile
cccentricities, the Commander-in-C
'Chickabiddy." says ! to the famous
manipulation of hairpns as we'll as darn
Ing needy expert, were in for more
trouble. The boy-klling Fourth APP
proachcth and we must be prepared for
the worst. Are you willing to curtail our
allowance of urchins by three or four
head, or shall we put our foot down at
The outset and rule against fireworks?"
Tho great healer of stumped toes scraped
epidermises. scalp wounds poison oak
cruptions, bEicr scratches and blood lJis-
tiers, reflected a minute within the dlap-
cry of her kimona. and then lifted up
her voice and spoke as follows: Plague
take George Washington and Patrick
Henry and all those old rascals who
used to wear base ball suits and tie
their hair in pig-tails. The trouble
they've given succeeding generations by
inventing the Fouth OF July far more
than offsets any good they may have
done by achieving our Independence !
would rather have the heels of 10000
despOts on my neck than live through
one such day as next Tuesday. with my
house an emergency hospital and my
children reduced by their own pranks TO
the mcaty consistency of Hamburg
steaks
you ought to have known without
pushing off the responsibility on mo
that not Il chick nor child on the place
IL TO have any fireworks on the Fourth
OF July. No, sir; not SO much as a devil
chaser or pack Of small firecrackcrs
let alone toy pistols and all the othe,
diabolical devices. My resignation 1.
hfn,ded in 10 the Red Cross Society II
advance this year Nary II popcracker
sir, and not so much as parlor match
I'm willing 10 make a Brown Betty pud
din for en- ana a chocolate cake and ;