davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Cameron County press. [volume] (Emporium, Cameron County, Pa.) 1866-1922, 1905-12-14
THE NOSE
HOLDE E r S
By T. P. MORGAN

= HIRTY- ONE saints in bags. suf-
fering sinner with huge spring
Clothes-pin snapped onto each ear, one
on his nose, another on his lower lip,
several hanging from his fingers, and
twice as many more without places to
hang on.
The victim of the clothes-pin was the
inventive clerk of the Duffy house. The
saints in bags were the 81 most prom
inent members of Elder Blowhorn's fol-
lowing.
Besides being clad in bags, the saints
were adorned by numerous abrasions
and bruises, caused by the events that
followed the practical application of the
clerks little invention for causing in
voluntary snoring.
After prolonged and unique reasoning,
the clerk proved to his own satisfaction
that snoring was greatly conducive to
the preservation of health. His theory
was simple enough, too. From careful
observation, he had learned that the
more robust the person, the more lusty
and resonant was his snore. Weak per-
sons snored in a weak, coy way, as if
they had not learned to play on their
nose harps very well, But the stalwart
ones, strong of wind and sturdy of torso,
would utter few preliminary diapason
notes, run up and down the scale a
couple of times, and then, striking the
proper key, dash into the popular tune
of Il am dreaming of thee, Nora,
darling"
Following out this line of reasoning,
the clerk very soon reached the con-
clusion that in order for weak ones to
become healthier, they must snore
more If they would not snore, they
must be made to.
Ere long, the clerks little invention
for the promotion of involuntary snor-
ing was complete. 1t was modelled after
and ver- much resembled the pinching
variety of clothes-pin, which, when it
seiZes anything, hangs on with the
tenacity Of a swapping turtle.
All that is necessary to make sleep
er snore is to cause him to breathe
through his mouth. The idea was that,
when one of these nose holders was
snapped on the victims bill, he would
either breathe through his mouth or
choke. And, if he breathed through his
facial cash, he would snoTe, and the util-
fly of the clerks little invention would
be demonstrated.
So pleased was the clerk with his idea
that he constructed nearly half bushel
of nose holders before he made trial of
Cameron County press. [volume] (Emporium, Cameron County, Pa.) 1866-1922, 1905-12-14
BEE AND HEN LORE.

Look out for mice getting into the
beehives during the winter.
AS soon as there is fair prospect that
hard winter weather is passed, move
colonies to the summer stands.-Farm
Journal.
Take the country over. the barred
plymouth Rock seems to be far in the
Iead in general opularity.-Midland
Farmer.
The beginner should remember that
starting with a flock OF dunghlls is
ike cutting a tree with a dull AK.
Tn your efforts to improve the flock
1on't overlook the fact that a poorly
bred thoroughbred is worse than a
scrub. Michigan Farmer.
Examine on the first fair day. after
hey have had a good flight, to ascer-
,ain the amount of bees and stores.
and 20 know if they have queen.
They should be supplied with combs Of
loney If lacking in stores; united with
others If queenless. Farm Journal.
Cameron County press. [volume] (Emporium, Cameron County, Pa.) 1866-1922, 1905-12-14

for the end OF the world, and they had
awaited its coming with all the anxiety
felt by spectators around a sick horse.
But as each date had failed TO witness
the interesting event, they grew appre-
hensive that it might walk in upon them
at any time.
All day long their ascension robes
hung on handy nails, and at night they
slept in them.
In order that the rush of wind, con-
sequent upon so many people going up
at once, might not blow their robes up
over their heads, the garments were
sewed together at the bottom, making
of each a long bag with sleeves in it.
When the clerk, with his half-bushel
or so of nasal-pinchers, arrived at the
big tent, just before midnight, he found
81 saints sleeping within, each in his
ascension bag and with his face up
turned to the dim light of the solitary
lantern. The inventor fairly hugged
himself with delight at the fiattering
prospects of a successful wholesale ex-
pertinent.
AS noiselessly as a spook, he tiptoed
from cot to cot, clasping the compressors
on the bills of the saints.
He had hardly retired to the pulpit,
to watch the effects of the experiment,
before the inventions began to get in
their particularly fine work. The
mouths of the sIeepers few open in one
grand snore. A moment later, the
pinching of his beak aroused one of the
more wakeful sleepers, and finding his
nose in the grasp of some imaginary
demon, he sprang up in alright,
tumbled down, and knocked over and
eXtinguished the lantern.
The rumpus aroused the others, who,
feeling their beaks in the clutches of
something, and thinking that at last the
long expected occasion had arrived and
Satan was already endeavoring to drag
them Off leaped up with loud cries, and
endeavored to rush out where they could
go straight up without having to cut
holes in the tent.
In a moment they were all down, and
saints and cots were tangled in mex
tricable confusion. Then. as it dawned
upon each that the object upon his bill
was large clothes-pfn, he forgot his
desire to ascend in his thirst for re-
Cameron County press. [volume] (Emporium, Cameron County, Pa.) 1866-1922, 1905-12-14

SAINTS AND COTS WERE TANGLED
IN INEXTRICABLE CONFUSION.
venge The sewed-up bottoms of their
robes prevented their locomotion, and
all they could do was to scramble to
their feet and tumble down again, fight
ing all the time like demons in bags.
Each thought himself the victim of a
joke upon the part of his neighbor and
was fully determined to get even for the
unseemly meddling with his sacred
probObscis.
Frightened at the unexpected work
ings of his inventions, the clerk endeav
ored to escape in the darkness, but only
succeeded in getting into the vGTy midst
of the melee, where he speedily found
himself beaten and rolled on scandal
ously.
Two saints, finding that he had not
on a robe, held him fast and shouted to
the rest, who speedily suspended hos
tilities. The lantern was relighted, and
in spite of the struggles and remOn-
strances of the inventor he was held by
two brothers, while others snapped the
nose holders onto his ears, nose, lips
and fingers.
A rope was produced, and, to the
clerks terrified eyes, 1t seemed as if
they were about to hang him. Strength
ened by fear, he jerked away from the
saints who held him, rushed against and
over two of the brethren, and burst
headlong through the side of the tent,
wholly ignoring the opening provided
for egress.
AS we'll as they could, the ascension
lists hoped and tumbled outside and
saw the clerk disappearing with the
speed of quarter-horse and shedding
nose pins at every jump.
Presently he went out of sight in the
moonlight in the direction of the Duffy
house, and the 81 bagged saints returned
to their cots to await the end of the
world.-Good Literature
Cameron County press. [volume] (Emporium, Cameron County, Pa.) 1866-1922, 1905-12-14

PHLLADELPHIA AND ERIE RAIL ROAD
In effect May 2s. 1905.
TRAINS LEAVE EMPORIUM EASTWARD
10 A; M.cSundays only for Remove and
Week days for SunDury, Wlkesbarre, Scran-
on, Hazleton, Pottsville, Harrisburg and
intermediate stations, arriving at Philadelp lia
6.23 P. NJ, New York $50 P. NJ, Baltimore
8 90 p. NJ, Washinf ton 7.15 p. Nj. Pullman
Parlor car from Wilnamsport to Philad slphia
Philadelphia and williamsport to Balti-
1875 p: M. Emporium Junction. daily for Sun
bury, Harrisburg and principal intermediate
stations, arriving at Philaielphia, 7.S2 p. m;
New York, 1923 o. m; Baltimore, 1880 p. m;
Washington, S3j, d. m. Vestibuled Parlor
cars and passenger coaches, Buffalo to Phia-
= delphia and Washington.
3 20 p. M.-dail% for Harrisburg and
intermediate stat ons. arriving at Pbiladel-
Rafmore RRhiaf 2 a5o a. M New s.nGa6n YORK 7s Iso An
Pullman sleeping cars from Harrisburgto Phil
adelphia and New York. Philadelphia pas
sengerscan remainiE sleeper undisturbedu un-
10 80 P. M.-DaiIy for sunbury, Harris.
burg and inte mediate stations arriving at
weekdays 90 3S A. NJ. Sunday;) Baltimore 7.15
A. NJ, Washington $50 A. NJ. Pullman Sleep
ing cars from Erie, Buffalo and Wiliamsport to
PhlIadelIhla and Buffalo, Williamsport to
Washington. Passenger cars from Erie to
Philadelphia and Williamsport to Baltimore.
'2:Zo a M. Emporium Junction. daily for sun
bury, Harrisburg and principal intermediate
stations, arriving at Philadelphia, 1882 a. NJ;
New York, 1888 a. M. week days; uO:3s sun
days; Baltimore, 1925 a. m; Washington. 8i6
a. m. Vestibuled Buffet Sleeping Cars and
Passenger coaches, Buffalo to Philadelphia
and Washington.
WESTWARD.
$40 A. M.-Emporium Junction daily
for Erie, Ridgway, and week days for Du-
Bois, Clermont and intermediate stations.
10 80 A. NJ. Daily for Erie and week days
for Dubois andntermediate stations.
23 p. M.-Daily tor Erie and intermediate
stations.
RIDGWAY AND CLEARFIELD Il. r. CON-
NECTIONS.
Week days.)
Cameron County press. [volume] (Emporium, Cameron County, Pa.) 1866-1922, 1905-12-14
DETECTING FORMALDEHYDE.
This Preservative Has a Tendency to
Disappear from Milk in Which
It Has Been Placed.

When samples of milk have been
taken that were supposed to be pre-.
served with formaldehyde, they have
sometimes been left for a long time
before being examined by the chem.
lists, at which examination they were
found to contain no evidences of for
maldehyde. The man from whom
these samples were obtained was thus
exonerated. 1t now appears however,
says the Farmers Review, that
the authorities have sometimes
erred in their conclusions, for it is now
fully demonstrated that formaldehyde
has a constant tendency to disappear
although this disappearance is slow
When a very small amount is used, it
disappears so rapidly from the milk
that its dimunition is noticeable with.
in six hours. In some experiments
made at the Pennsylvania station,
formaldehyde added to milk in the
proportion of one part of formalde.
hyde to 10000 parts of milk disap.
peared entirely in five days. When
the amount was increased ten times
the disappearance was very slow, and
by the twenty-fifth day the formalde.
hyde had only partially disappeared.
AS might be expected, the disappear.
ance was more rapid at high than at
low temperatures. This should be a
lesson to experts to hermetically seal
all vessels containing samples of milk
that are to be tested for use in legal
prosecutions.
Cameron County press. [volume] (Emporium, Cameron County, Pa.) 1866-1922, 1905-12-14
HEN FOOD MASHER.

Nail the round stick or handle securely
to the fiat side of the block ten inches
from the bottom, as shown in the cut,
explains the Farm and Home This
masher is complete and will be found
durable and satisfactory. A shingle
will clean off the masher after using.
boil large kettles of potatoes, turn
into half barrel, put in the necessary
quantity of meal and with this masher
The food is ready for the hens or hogs
On short notice.
Cameron County press. [volume] (Emporium, Cameron County, Pa.) 1866-1922, 1905-12-14
SONG OF BALDHEADED MAN.

Great Caesars classic head was bare,
And likewise Socrates:
Peter and Paul were forced TO wear
1'nin capillary fieeces;
Shakespeare, earth's literary king,
And Johnson, Pope and Gthbon,
Being short of hirsute covering
Wore wigs tied deft with ribbon.
But Acham, ] Iscariot.
Ananias (of truth charD.
Herod, the Pharisees l wot.
All sported caputs hairy;
Later came Danton, Robesplerre,
And Marat, bloody trio;
Guy Fawkes and Jeffries, Glencoe stair.
Thick-thatched like fddling Nero.
Nor will the eye. In sooth, oft see
Bald Hottcntot or Arab.
Kamchatkan, aboriginee,
Kurd or man-eating Carib;
Nay, nay, but of the human breed
The greater in earth's story.
Are those who lead in thought ana deed
Crowned not with hair but glory!
Monroe Guy Carleton, in n. y. Sun.
Cameron County press. [volume] (Emporium, Cameron County, Pa.) 1866-1922, 1905-12-14
HE CLASPED THE COMPR ESSOpS
ON THE BILLS OF THE SAINTS.

ON THE BILLS OF THE SAINTS.
the invention except upon his own nose,
where it worked to his intense satisfac-
ton, and nearly pinched his beak off
at the same time.
Conceiving the idea that the ordinary
springs were too modest in asserting
themselves, he substituted springs SO
strong that it took pronounced pressure
upon the opposite ends of the holder TO
open them for the reception of the wait
ing proboscis.
For several days before the compile
ton of the invention, the clerk had had
his mental vision fixed on the subjects
for wholesale experiment These were
several of the most prominent followers
of Elder BlOwhorn and the doctrines by
him taught at the camp, just out OF
town
BY some means, the clerk had learned
that, owing TO the limited number OF
sleeping-tents and the unexpected ar
rival Of a large delegation of believers
from other localities. d number OF the
brethren were Obliged to pass the night
on cots in the large audience tent in
which services were held in the day
time 1t was upon the noses of this col
lection Of saints the clerk resolved To
experiment
No, that they lacked iu health or mus
eularity for most Of them looked as II
they had a decided haukcriug after the
flesh pots OF Egypt. hut because ne
waited 10 ascertain the different effects
upon different individuals and noses
SO that the tension of me springs might
b. increased or diminished tu suit all
rgg..r.m gts
Several different days had teen aet
Cameron County press. [volume] (Emporium, Cameron County, Pa.) 1866-1922, 1905-12-14

sold, but a simple and easily construct
ed one is shown in the cut. The pic
ture shows the inside of the door. A
is the latch, B the piece that drops
down and unlocks it when it is
punched forward by means of a pin
which fits in the latch in the ordinary
way; D is the key and C the keyhole.
ZEE are the wooden pieces in which
the latch works. This latch could be
made with a very few tools and will
do the work.
Cameron County press. [volume] (Emporium, Cameron County, Pa.) 1866-1922, 1905-12-14
A GOOD BARN DOOR LATCH
One of Simple and Easy Construction
Which Will Serve as Well as
More Expensive One.

There is always need of having a
good fastener on barn and crib doors,
says the Drovers' Journal. There are
good many different kinds made and
Cameron County press. [volume] (Emporium, Cameron County, Pa.) 1866-1922, 1905-12-14

,Dsly tOaiIy except sunday. 1Sunday only.
sFlag sop
On Sunday only trlin leaves Driftwood S:2l a.
M, arrives at Dubois, 1000 q, IN. Returning
leaves Dubois, 200 p. M; arr.va9 at Drttwood,
$40 p. M, stopping at intermediate stations.
For Time Tables and further information, ap-
ply to Ticket Agent
]. II. WOOD. Passgr Traffic Mgr.
w. w. A1TERbURY, GEO. w. BOYD,
General Manager. Genn PassC niger Agt.
Cameron County press. [volume] (Emporium, Cameron County, Pa.) 1866-1922, 1905-12-14

EASTBOUND.
STATIONS. 100 lib l0l los I07 95I
Cameron County press. [volume] (Emporium, Cameron County, Pa.) 1866-1922, 1905-12-14
ennsy ylVania
H AID.

PHILADELPHIA AND ERIE RAIL ROAD
Cameron County press. [volume] (Emporium, Cameron County, Pa.) 1866-1922, 1905-12-14
To Protect Emptv Comb.

To protect empty combs from The
moth larya, place them where they viii
get a good freezing during winter.
without exception, nearly an empty
combs viii be found TO contain mo n
eggs in autumn. If combs are kept Ia
moderately warm places these eggs
.ill hatch into larya Farm Journal
Cameron County press. [volume] (Emporium, Cameron County, Pa.) 1866-1922, 1905-12-14

Il you 'qi O new bag OF worm feast.
Ing on o-y OF your holou sIlss. lose
40 time ia finding oIt what 8, Is and
II It's harmful II might ba stamped
out II taken at the start - l.. p.
Cameron County press. [volume] (Emporium, Cameron County, Pa.) 1866-1922, 1905-12-14
HEN FOOD MASHER.
One That Will Do Good Work in Pre-
pairing the Potatoes and Meal
for Feeding.

Cut a round stick three feet long just
big enough to clasp handily with your
fingers Cut a block 20 inches long,
five inches wide and three inches thick
The county record. [volume] (Kingstree, S.C.) 1885-1975, 1905-10-26

In his article published elsewhere
IN this issue, Mr.. s. B.
Gordon refers to an editorial para
graph that appeared IN this column
last August. He cites figures to
show that the revenue from taxable
property is greater and the schools
fewer in Greenwood county than in
Williamsburg. Just what Mr.. Cor
don seeks to establish by this COM
parison We fail to perceive. With
no local dispensaries in Greenwood
county certainly the taxable property
has to be more than in Williams
burg in order for the average school
term in the former county TO be a:
long or longer than in the latter, fol
for the teachers to receive more pay
and for the taxes to oe no higher
,uan ours. The point we wished to
make was that dispensaries are moi
necessary to the prosperity of d
county, and Mr.. Gordon's figures
contrasting the financial condition
Of Williamsburg and Greenwood, are
proof conclusive of our contentioa.
The county record. [volume] (Kingstree, S.C.) 1885-1975, 1905-10-26
WE'LL SEND YOU
A SAMPLE FREE.
SCOTT BOVINE, 4oe 4es ss"iI iesF Street

election is over was perverted
by partially quoting what we
said. Half a truth is sometimes
more misleading than a false
statement. Here are our words
eff The Mail does not favor
either (dispensary or prohibi
tion), it should go way back
ETC." So far as it's influence is
concerned we have no objection
to The Mails writing on this
subject until doom's day, fol
we do not believe it has con
verted a single voter to its way
of thinking. All we ask is that
our friend confne himself to the
subject under dispute. When il
advocates an ideal, Impractical
substitute law its argument is
irrelevant, having no hearing
whatever on the question OF
dispensary or prohibition.
The county record. [volume] (Kingstree, S.C.) 1885-1975, 1905-10-26

Nine out Of ten counties in which
elections have been held have mad
the manhood to cast Oat from their
midst the dlspensary with its cor
rupting influence fostering sore
on the body polite. Within the
next month the people of Williams
burg will have the opportunity to
vote out ting iniqultous institution.
In our opinion the dispensary sys-
tenn can never be purified. A bad
egg cannot be reformed. Remember
that if selling liquor be wrong, when
you vote to lesaIize the traffic you
become partner in the business.
The county record. [volume] (Kingstree, S.C.) 1885-1975, 1905-10-26
THURSDAY, OCT. 26, 1905
Our Shifty Contemporary.

The Mails lame and impotent re-
ioinder to THE RECORDS last artl-
Gle indicates that the dispensary or
gan's opinion foundry is running low
in material. Vanquished utterly IN
argument the Mail covers its inglor-
ious rout by firing off lot stale
questions involving the same old ar
gument that we have answered time
and time again.
In his desperate and Intellectual
efforts to maintain his contention the
individual who graces the editorial
tripod of the Mail resorts to the
shallow subterfuge of repeating over
and over again his argument, pre-
senting it this time in an interroga'
tive form-the same old straw that
1t has threshed out week after week,
irving to fool his readers when the
only person deceived is the poor, self
deluded editor.
Like the ostrich in the desert that
when run to earth pokes his head in
the sand and chuckles over the clever
ruse by which he has outwitted the
hunter, our shifty friend thinks that
he has illuded us by his transparent
arti6ce. But we've got him on the
run and all his stratagems avail him
naught.
The impudeace of the dispeusary
organ in accusing us of doCging is
truly amazing. The Mail knows
that dodging is peculiarly its own
"long suit" and we do not care to
practice its tactics even by imputa-
ton. AS an artful dodger oul
friend could give points to didap-
per.
The interrogatories propounded by
the Mail are really not worth con-
sidering and we hate to subject oul
readers to the repetition of our re-
plies to these same questions, every
one of which we have met not once
but several times since the discuss
ion was begun. Of course we do mo-
expect the Mail to admit our refu
tation of its "logic." That woult
be an acknowledgment of defea
and few have the moral courage t.
admit themselves worsted even wher
they recognize the fact. The Mail,
The county record. [volume] (Kingstree, S.C.) 1885-1975, 1905-10-26

however, ,unconsciously acknowledges
the corn when it seeks to rNtrlcate
itself from its confusion worse con-
founded by trying to reason in a
circle. Unless our contemporary can
introduce some new argument we
see no good in prolonging ;he con-
troversy, which on the part of the
Mail, besides its rehash, has degen-
Grated into cheap insinuations and
attempts at sarcasm aimed at the
editor of THE RECORD, which We
deem unworthy of notice.
Here are the Mails questions:
1st. If the people of South Caro-
| lima wanted prohibition and were
BETRAYED by the Legislature when
they were given the dispensary, why
have they kept the dispensary for
thirteen years?
2nd. If the majority of the people
of Williamsburg are prohibitionists
VIII, was no effort made to rid the
county of the dispensasy during all
the years it has been established:
3rd. Why has The Record all
these years remained silent, wh
such a monster as it sees in the dis
pensary was at the homes of the in
nocent and raised not its voice in
protestation against the betrayal OF
the people?
4th. The Record admits that
public sentiment only can enforce Il
law. The dispensary law is prohibi-
tory in some features and restrictive
in all vet it was not properly enforced
That it was not enforced Is proof
that the people were indifferent to
prohibition. Will people who
would not enforce a restrictive law,
enforce prohibitory law?
5th. The ballot in the pending
election will read "dispensary" and
"no dispensary. Will The Record
proye that the man who votes a "no
dispeasary" ticket is for prohibition
and not for blind tigers, high license
or something other than prohlbl-
tt on?
9th. A large majority of the peo-
pie drink whiskey. Will voting out
the dispensary remove their appetiteS
or make it impossible for them to
buy whiskey?
9TH. Williamsburg county will be
surrounded with dispensaries, zach
of her neighboring counties having
them, and it can be ordered from
other States. Will it be impossible
or even hard to get whiskey?
Sth. There are blind-tigers in
Williamsburg county now and are
not suppressed. With no dispensary
there would be grea ter opportunity
for them. Will The Record tel
how this illicit selling of whiskey
will be prevented? If there are
blind tigers now would there not be
more under prohibit ion:
9th. The question of prohibition
is a moral one. The ballot box can
The county record. [volume] (Kingstree, S.C.) 1885-1975, 1905-10-26

1t makes no difference how long
YOU have been sick, if you are
troubled with Indigestion, constipa-
ton, liver and kidney troubles, Hol-
listers Rocky Mountain Tea will
make you we'll. 35 cents.
The county record. [volume] (Kingstree, S.C.) 1885-1975, 1905-10-26
The Better
Way

The tissues of the throat are
inAamed and irritate d; YOU
cough, and there is more Irrlta
tion-more coughing. You take
a cough mixture and it eases the
irritation-for a while. You take