davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Birmingham age-herald., 1905-09-10
LIKES GOOD JOKES.
Standard Oil King Is Blessed With
 Keen Sense of Humor.
From the New York Herald.

From the New York Herald.
 John D. Rockefeller sees humor in ev- ervthing. Contrary to the general opin- ion. he is not the pessimistic, lugubrious and deerepit old man he has been so generally pictured. On the contrary he is still beaming with life and energy, and when in the company of his friends his conversation teens with lively anecdotes Jokes and humorous stories.
 When telling a good story he mimics the characters and initiates their idio- synerasies of speech and gesture in a manner worthy of professional com edian.
 Not long ago, while talking to the members of his sons Sunday school class, he told them of two young Irishmen who were discussing him and his wealth.
 DO you know, Pat" said one of the men, according to MT. Rockefeller that this MT Rockefeller is the richest man in the world?'
 "Yez don't say,' replied Pat.
 Well he is, and every time that clock ticks off a minute this MT. Rockerfellow is thousand dollars richer.'
 Be iabers" replied Pat, "git me an axe and I'll smash the clock"
 MT. Rockefeller delights in looking over the caricatures and cartoons of himself which are printed in the papers of the country, and referring to particular cartoon not long ago he spoke of it to some young men, braced himself, squared his shoulders, and with one of his char acteristic grins remarked:
 Boys. do 1 look anything like that?"
 Not In the least,' replied the young men.
 I'm glad you think so." he said q would not know what l would do if l did"
 MT. Rockefeller likes sociability, and we have not enough sociability in the churches.
 Not long ago." he said, 'I was walk ing along a street in New York, and, seeing a church open, I walked in. Not a soul came to greet me and l walked down the aisle and found a seat for my self. Presently little boy of about six years came in the same seat with me-, and 1 grasped his hand, and said: How do you do, my little man?' The young ster looked at me with frightened eyes, edged away from me and openly resent ed my familiarity, presently running away altogether"
 MT. Rockefeller always likes to discuss health, diet and bathing with the people he meets. There is a young man in his sons class who enjoys excellent health, and MT. Rockefeller asked him what he ate and drank to keep in such splendid condition
 "Oh I drink anything I like" said the young man, but I never drink ice wa ter"
 What do you think man ought to eat to keep in good health, MT. Rockefeller?' asked another young man standing by. MT. Rockefeller's sharp grey eyes melt ed into humor as he turned to the young man.
 'If you can tell how long mans legs ought to be in order to touch the ground I'll tell you what he ought to eat" And he put his hands in his trousers pockets swayed to and fro on his legs and joined l in the laugh.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1905-09-10
Ten Years of War.

After a decade of almost continuous ighting the world is again peaceful, and there is feeling that it should remain in that condition during at least a decade to come Few appre- ciate the fact that the decade has been essentially fighting decade, but it unmistakably has been. Let us hope the world has had enough of war, and that it will long for and desire peace throughout many years.
 Ten years ego Japan was fighting China. Eight years ago Turkey and Greece were putting great armies in the field. Seven years ago the United States and Spain fell out over Cuba and the sinking of the Maine. Six years ago the desperate conflict be- tween Great Britain and the Boer re- plblics was begun and the war lasted until May, 1902. Two years later Japan and Russia went to war, and the carnage that ensued had rarely been equalled in the worlds history. All of these wars were wasteful and each one of them changed the map of the world, even the war of thirty-one days between Greece and Turkey.
 Surely the world has had enough of battles and fighting. Japan has se- cured preemlnence in the Far East; the United States holds Spains island colonies; Great Britains empire In South Africa is sealed to her; Turkey has taught the small Balkan states to keep hands off, and China knows that Japan is mistress of the East These things ought to suffice for the present. Let the world try for one decade at least peaceful methods, initiating in that respect Germany and her War Lcrd, who has never Krawn his sword And yet Germany has risen faster than any other European nation.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1905-09-10

@ RANGES B. LOOMS some years T ago was newspaper man. He was from Ohio and drifted into Washington. He was person of quiet, reserved manner. who seemed always to have keen eye out for his own inter ests.
 His ambition was to enter the public service, but he was handicapped by lack of money. In course of time this defect was remedied. He married woman who was very well to do, and from that time began to plan to get into the government
 service.
 He finally succeeded in becoming minis ter to Venezuela. It was while he was serving in this capacity that the United States came to the verge of a clash with Venezuela over the Asphalt Trust case. Mir. LoomIs' dispatches to his govern ment esjoused the trusts side of the case, and were mainly responsible for the somewhat bullying attitude which the United States was led Into taking at that time. President Mckinley was then away from Washington. A peremptory message from him put a stop to the strenuous pro- ceedings of the state department, and the great asphalt war was abruptly called off.
 vacancy was created In the state department by the appointment to a dip- lomatic post of First Assistant David I Hill. and Loomis was appointed to fill it He said at the time that he had taken the post because he was tired of Venez- uela. and the climate did not agree with ot that he was persona non grata to the Venez- uelan government because of his support of the asphalt trust.
 For a long time he had no opportunity to distinguish himself. One came when the Panama revolution was melted from Washington The telegrams from Loom is. Acting" became celebrated. His zeal led him to -indiscretion however for he committed the error of notifying the American diplomatic representative that revolution was proceeding some hours before it had actually begun.
 Next he delivered a speech in New York which was apparently intended to please Roosevelt. This speech eulogized the Presidents Panama policy. but it was so exaggerated as to draw forth a chorus or flufcule all over the country, for in it Loomis told how the violent es- tablishment of tine republic of Panama was necessary to prevent a general Euro pean war.
 Mir. Hay thoroughly disliked and dis trusted him, and told the President so, but was unable to produce any effect on the Presidents mind.
 Last winter Minister Bowen reported to the state department that ugly stories were afoat in Caracas concerning Loomis' relations with the asphalt trust. No notice was taken of this information, so Bowen repeated it, and this time was sharply rebuked for sending 1t. It appeared that President Roosevelt, on learning of Bowens charges. had sent for his old friend and former colleague in the police board, Avery D. Andrews. an officer of the asphalt trust. and asked him if they were true Andrews replied that they were not, and this was a complete vindica- ton of Loomis in the Presidents eye. Next the story got into the newspapers Bowen was accused of having given It to
The Birmingham age-herald., 1905-09-10
The Hospitals.

''The statement made in The Age-Her- aid few days ago in connection with the late pr, Joseph R. Smiths bequests to St. Vlncent's hospital, the Iiillman hospital. the Mercy Home and the Boys Industrial school that St. Vincent has a great charity fund behind it, and Is not dependent on subscriptions to as great an extent as the other three institutions, conveyed a most erroneous impression" said physician
 Tt is strange that so many otherwise well-informed persons imagine that the management of an institution taking care of the destitute sick of community is rendered very simple by large, frequent donations. How far this is from true may be seen by a glance at the annual re- ports of donations to our hospitals and an estimate of their current expenses.
 Even by most economical adminstra- tion with the reduction of salaries of all employees to the lowest possible figure, and with the professional services of Physicians and nurses rendered gratis there is practically always deficit which must be met by donations, unless there is some form of permanent endowment.
 Both the Hillman and St. Vincents hospital very properly receive some aid from the city and county, and in return they care for the indigent patients when ever they may be benefited by hospital treatment.
 "The good people having in charge these two splendid hospitals have made great sacrifice. and put forth heroic effort to build and maintain them, and they more than all others, feel the deepest sense of gratitude for such substantial and timely aid as these bequests will prove.
 "Dr. Smith showed that he understood these conditions thoroughly. He there- fore made equal bequests to St. Vim cents and the Hillman Let us emulate his example of just stewardship that flu ture generations may rise up to cap us blessed.''
The Birmingham age-herald., 1905-09-10
STRANGE HAPPENINGS.
Caused Morgue Keeper to Resign.
 Were Easily Accounted For.

From the New York World.
 Gustave Hamilton, sober, industrious and religious, quit his job as helper in the city morgue, Fifteen seconds of oc- cult manifestations persuaded him that he had been lowering on the brink of the pit for the fifteen years he had been at work.
 Gus" was attending to business when:
 There was a dull crash and roar.
 A bundle of clothes flew up and bumped Gus in the chest.
 The subject on the slab besirred itself.
 The tier of pine collins shivered and fell with a bang.
 Awful groans and cries were borne down by the wind and echoed through the marble halls.
 An awful stiffness
 Then came a missing, flash, and all was dark.
 Gus struggled from the collins that buried him. He rushed to the open air. Head Keeper John Armstrong caught him in his arms.
 '"rhe day has comer' was all Gus could gasp, and he sank to the grass.
 It was in vain Armstrong told Gus that all the manifestations were material. In the first place. the Charities Department steamboat Fidelity had started the rum pus by ramming the pier head. The ram ming jarred the walls. The jarring start ed the bundle of clothes and gave motion to the subject. The groans were the creaking of the ventilator fans. The hiss ing and the flash and the sudden darkness were all the fruit of the engineer He had taken the thoroughfares.
 But all the poems of oratory and argu- ment couldn't persuade Gus. He had seen and heard.
 My mother has got me job to drive a brewery wagon. A different kind of spirits for mine.'' said Gus, as he took his clothes and went.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1905-09-10
FRANCIS B. LOOMS CUT
 A DASH IN PUBLIC LIFE

them. He was ordered to come to Wash ington and clear himself of the charge. Secretary Taft, by the Presidents orders, presided at the hearing, but it was an open secret to everybody in Washington that the verdict was foreordained against Bowen. He was dismissed in disgrace, while Loomis suffered only a gentle ad- moniton not to do it again.
 The President appointed Loomis special ambassador to conduct the ceremonies in France attending the transfer of the remains of John Paul Jones to the United States. Loomis, on leaving delivered some mysterious remarks to the reporters about a diplomatic mission of vast im- portance, in addition to the Paul Jones matter, with which the President had in trusted him. This mission did not ma terialize, but 1t did come out that Loomis was to visit the various legations and embassies of the United States abroad, look into their clerical methods, and re- port to the President any reforms that he might think necessary.
 It was further made known that Loomis was slated for a post as minister as soon as a vacancy appeared, and Japan ana Brazil were frequently mentioned as can didates for the honor. It has been the i'm pression of late that Loomis was slated for ambassador to Japan when the Amer lean mission to that country Is raised to an embassy, which will undoubtedly be soon.
 Loomis has been in the public eye only about four years
 Practically the last official act of MT. Hays life was to visit the White House for the purpose of urging the President not to dismiss Bowen and to dismiss Loomis, but learning that the Presidents mind was made up, he went away with his message unspoken.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1905-09-10
CHARS, HEB TRIUMPH.

By Ben Johnson. See the chariot at hand here of Lovel
 Wherein my lady rideth! Each that draws is swan, or a dove.
 And well the ear Love guideth, As she goes, all hearts do duty Unto her beauty
 And enamored, do wish, so they might But enjoy such sight, That they still were to run by her side, Through swords, through seas, whither
 she would ride. - Do but look on her eyes, they do light
 All that Loves world compriseth Do but look on her hair; it is bright
 As Loves star when it riseth Than words that soothe her! Do but mark, her forehead's smoother And from her arehed brows such grace Sheds itself through thy face, As alone their triumphs to the life. All the gain. all the good, of the ele-
 ments' strife.
 Have you seen but a. bright lily grow,
 Before rude hands have touched it? Have you marked but the fall O the snow
 Before the soil hath smutched 1t? Have you felt the wool of the beaverf Or the swans down ever? Or have smelt the bud of the brier? Or the nard f the fire? Or have tasted the bag of the bee? O so white. o so soft. so sweet is shel
The Birmingham age-herald., 1905-09-10
Secret Alliances in Europe.

An epidemic of secret treaties seems to have broken out both in Europe and the Orient. The treaty of Portsmouth has not been published in and it may never be given in full to the public.
 The new treaty between Japan and England is a secret, and no one an ticipates it's publication. It is believed to make Japan and England close al lies in all Far Eastern matters, includ- ing the defence of India.
 From Berlin comes news that a secret treaty between China and Japan
The Birmingham age-herald., 1905-09-10
- HE advance guard of theatrical press agents is beginning to ar
 rfsra rNvo,,, ,,o,., ,,.f41 4ba oIoaa

NY press agents is beginning to ar
 rive. From now until the close of the season. so auspiciously begun. these energtic promoters of publicity will cir culate through the south in large num- bers. Press agents constitute a unique and not altogether enviable class of socie- ty. While their work seems to be rather easy on the surface of things, and a novice is apt to long for the Knowledge of the world which they possess. as a matter of fact, most press agents do not lead an ideal life. In the first place, their work is hard. Even the best paid and most fortunately placed have to be Ion the jump" continually, with seldom an hour that they can call their own The fatigues of travel and poor accommoda- tions are the least among the press agents trials. The task of placing copy,' 'jollying'' newspaper men, keep ing on the right side of managers, and looking after scores of petty details in which the interests of their companies are concerned keeps them busy and often harassed. Many smaller theatrical organ izations send man in advance who as- sumes the duties of a press agent and business manager. If any one is under the impression that this individual has a picnic he is very much mistaken. The average press agent combines an aston ishing ignorance of the English language and the art of composition with a stock of optimism that never runs out and a tongue that never wearies of discussing the merits of his show. When 1t is con- sidered that the salaries paid most press agents are not enormous it Is easy to see that they do not have an easy time in life.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1905-09-10
REFLECTIONS OF A BACHELOR,

From the New York Press. You can nearly always convince wom- an if you try not to.
 The most successful way to love wom- an is just to keep on telling her so. Unless a man wants to know from whom every letter a woman gets is 1t Is hard for her to feel sure he loves her. A woman may never learn anything in a cooking school, but she can turn up her nose at the ones who haven't been
 A woman who has married for love Is
 generally willing to have her daughter
 marry for all the modern comforts
The Birmingham age-herald., 1905-09-10
NOT SAFE TO TALK.
Le Huntsville Herald.

From the Louisville Herald.
 ''There Is no evidence,' says the Bir- mingham Age-Herald. that Secretary Wilson has yet found an honest man in Texas" The secretary will, however. wisely observe Togo-like reservation on the subject while in the Lone Star state.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1905-09-10

All the world is indeed a stage, but the number of people who aspire to go on that more material stage which lures from be- hind the footlights is probably limited by the number of those who have fallen un- der It's influence. It has been often said that every man and woman feels a longing to be an actor or actress at some time in life. Fortunately the fever soon leaves most of us none the worse for it's visitation, while others suffer many hard ships before they discover their mis- take. A host of amateurs Is ever waiting for the cue that spells fame and fortune. but with a few exceptions they never develop into stars"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1905-09-10

A South Dakota man has married the sister of the St. Louis girl who won fame by kissing Capt Richmond P. Hobson. The South Dakota man can congratulate himself on having ac- quired a certain amount of reflected notoriety.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1905-09-10

There will be no cessation of building operations during the coming winter. The demand for additional shelter in this district does not admit of a vaca- tion beyond a week at Christmas time, and the building year in Jones valley will this year be one of twelve busy months.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1905-09-10

The prodigal son of today who Is the son of an American millionaire has bet ter time of 1t than his predecessor re- corded in the Bible. He generally "blows" himself Into his grave before he suc- ceeds in spending all the old mans pile
The Birmingham age-herald., 1905-09-10

John D. Rockefeller is now mem Der of the humorists' association, but he will not be expected to manufacture any Jokes.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1905-09-10

The New York Life is tarred with the syndicate stick so freely used by the Equitable.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1905-09-10

The Alabama Enquirer. published at Hartselle, Ala. Is now owned by symonds, Boteler and Early, who will no doubt make a success of the paper. George Wolsey Symonds will be the editor.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1905-09-10

The German instructors in the Chin csc army have been dismissed to make room for Japs fresh from glorious war.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1905-09-10

A western man has asked John D. Rockefeller to invest s2O,OOOoOO for the ir- rlgatlon Of western lands. Mr. Roeke- feller did not hasten to respond. He found out long ago that the American people are not slow in asking for favors.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1905-09-10

M. Witte slept in the St. Regis $10,- 900 bed just one night, but found it too short and moved to other apartments the next day.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1905-09-10

When the Chicago News thinks of Mayor Jim Woodward it feels impelled to advise Atlanta to screen It's tanks.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1905-09-10

Russia has agreed to eyacuate Man churia, and she will keep her word, although unaccustomed to the partic- ular practice.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1905-09-10

Private Printer Palmer is employed outside of the government printery at present.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1905-09-10

If Cortelyou's luck does not desert him he will yet be president. He is almost as lucky as Theodore Roose- welt
The Birmingham age-herald., 1905-09-10

Only 4133 Smiths attended this years reunion of the Smith family in New Jersey.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1905-09-10

George Ade is very rich and he is getting tired of the job of furnishing all the funny plays of the country.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1905-09-10

King Cholera and Yellow Jack will both be knocked out of public interest if Bubonic plague from India should appear
The Birmingham age-herald., 1905-09-10

The west bound steamships on the Atlantic ferry are so crowded many passengers come home holding on to the straps.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1905-09-10

The Simian language comes high. Professor Garner says every word in the monkey language cost him 5000.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1905-09-10

The newspapers should permit Loomis to pass out quietly. He has lost his halo.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1905-09-10

Contractor Market of Omaha seems to have the inside position when Pan anna contracts are given out.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1905-09-10

The Keep commission in Washing ton has it's hands full in watching the grafters in the various departments.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1905-09-10

The odor now rising from the Mutual Life Insurance company promises to equal in putrescenee that which recently ema- mated fxom the Equitable society.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1905-09-10
ALABAMA PRESS

Camp Hin Times: Chicago University professors seem to discover everything except what fools they are
 coosa Argus. Among the gentlemen who have been clamoring for vindication Mr. Rockefeller has not yet been heard from.
 Russell Register: If MT. Loomis really wants to resign and go abroad 1t Is hard ly probable that the American people will make any strenuous objection.
 opelika Post: Luther Burbank, the plant world wizard, now expects to produce cobless corn. If MT. Burbank believes he can displaee the roasting ear from the es- teem of this country, he is mistaken.
 Pine Belt News: A movement Is on foot In North Carolina to abolish the handshake as form of greeting. With the pumphandle handshake should go the snappsng- turtle kiss women give each other when they meet.
 Huntsville Mercury: striking Illus tration of the failure of "government contror' is instanced in the condition of the government printing office. gov ernment which can not control a print ing office would play ''whaley' running the great railroad and telegraph systems, wouldn't it2
 Florence Times: Probably the three strongest men in the United States today are Roosevelt, Taft and Root; and they all occupy the three leading positions in the federal government. By the way what twelve men of the country are en- titled to rank as it's foremost citizens as politicians and statesmen?
The Birmingham age-herald., 1905-09-10

Thomas w. Lawson has just given $1000 to organized labor. Mir. Lawson is recovering from the loss of his $7000 bull pup.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1905-09-10

Some think the immigrant steamers are bringing in people fully as fast as the autos are killing them.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1905-09-10

The ii o'clock editions of the even- ing New York papers are, alas, print ed before dark.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1905-09-10

New York expects science to keer cholera, the plague and yellow fever away.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1905-09-10

The Anniston Evening Star announces that 1t will begin the publication of twenty-page Sunday morning issue, begin ming october l. The Sunday Star will contain metropolitan features and will be up to date in every particular.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1905-09-10

The weary straw ha. is lid that rests uneasy on any head nowadays.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1905-09-10

This years egg crop constitutes a new record. It entities the American ht to her accustomed three months vacation.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1905-09-10

The Columbiana Sentinel celebrated its thirty-frst anniversary by issuing a handsome industrial supplement that Is neatly printed and profusely illustrated H. E. Whitaker, editor of the Sentinel is to be congratulated on his enterprise.