Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1905-08-19
ON THE SUBURBAN CAR
CLOCK" TALKS ABOUT
HIS NEIGHBoRS.
Tells Of the Mistakes Of the Amateur
Farmer-How He Plays
Tennis


| aboard the Chevy Chase car and pre-empted
| the throne Of the end-seat hog The sandy
| complexion person-otherwise known as the
human clock'-nu6ged his friend with the
| spectacles. and the regular commuters
knockfest was begun.
The human clock" was so named be-
cause of his remarkable ability to appear
| on the crest OF the hill above the lake at
| exactly 742h every morning except Sun
| day, and arrive at the lake just thirty eight
| seconds before the car leaves for town. The
| appellation carries with 1t no malice afore-
| thought" but is intended by his friends as
| a rare and deserved compliment
'See that youthful hulk?" inquired the
| mortal timepiece, pointing the butt-end OF
| his morning cigar in the direction of the
| tall. cumbersome gentleman. We'll. sir, II
that chap only knew how to write story
| for the newspapers he could keep the gen.
| erai public entertained for many day to
| come. He Is one Of these amateur farmers
| manners at the same time, and you know
as well as l do that the two won't mix no
| more than oil and water. He puts on
! pair Of English rdin' trousers and goes out
| into the garden
William says he to the hired man.
these beets are gettin' along fine, amt
| they?' William smiles and says:
Those amt beets: sir. They's string
I
| Then the big fellow goes into the barn
and says: william, don't this pillow need
sharpeninT And William has to smile
again and say:
THAT amt rlow. sir. That's a NOW
| ing machine. but it does need sharpenin'.'
Waited for Signal Of Approval.
| The human clock took puff a his morn
| Ing cigar and waited for some sign OF ap-
prevail from his friend with the specs"
cto ND xpifh
| crouch climbed onto the running board.
He tried to push the tall. cumbersome gent
| over to the middle of the bench, but the
| TALL cumbersome gent wouldn't be pushed,
| and the small man had forgotten to bring
| along a derrick. Consequently the little
| fellow climbed over the big fellow, saying
| he did so that he hoped it would rain like
| the mischief so that end-seat hogs would
get what they deserved" With the car
| under way again. the sandy complexioned
person continued the monologue.
| II live right near the big chap" said he.
| land the woods out our way are full of
strange and fearful tales about him. If
| what they say is true, he must be kinda
| useful about the house. The other day his
| wife was sick and he stayed at home to
take care of the baby The baby. by the
way is six weeks old and to hear the
| father talk about 1t you'd think it was the
| first and only baby since Adam and Eve
raised Cain. That's all right. but instead OF
| taking Of the baby he put on his
/
| II the 'gyarden' was still out in the back
yard Having ascertained that 1t was. he
put on AN apron and proceeded to spend
the forenoon making cookies. How Is that
fer a gentleman farmer?
Great knowledge of Tennis.
Then occasionally he tries to play at
| game called tennis. He evidently read about
| the game in a newspaper somewhere. be-
cause he knows much about tennis as
|
| Last week he was out on the court with a
| friend of his, a-swattin' the balls back and
| forth, when all of a sudden he starts for
| the net to get low ball. Now. when you
| reflect, youthful hulk like that can't stop
very short after he gets a good start. and
| he can't change direction unless the switch
! is open to the sidngs and he can leave the
main track. This time the switch was
closed. and after he smashed at the ball
| he ran into the net, and the last 1 saw of
him he was lumbern' down the HILL carry
| In the net and the posts with him. But If
you'll listen to him talk you'll think he is
| an expert with the racquet"
| The mortal timepiece stopped for breath
| and took advantage of the moment to
| light his cigar. Whatever can be said
| against the human clock matters not; he
| smokes good cigars, and that is a great
| help when you sit behind him on the sum-
mer cars. But as much cannot be said for
| the tall, cumbersome gent. He smokes a
| weed that-wel there Is no use going into
details and hurting somebody's feelings. 1t
| Is pretty bum, and If you don't believe 1t,
Just come into town behind him some morn
| ings.
Man in the Middle Got It.
| On this particular morning the youthful
! hulk produced a stogie which looked
worse and smelled worse than those Mont
gomery county political cigars. and that
| is saying a great deal Directly be-
| hind him was the human clock. smok-
! ing a good cigar, and directly behind
| the clock was a gent who thorough
| ly enjoys a good smoke. but who is toa
| much of a cheap skate to purchase 1t with
| his own money. On this occasion he sat
there with his hands folded, whiting softly
| Of the pure Havana; the mortal timepiece
pulled at the Havana, but got the benefit of
| the tall. cumbersome gents stogie, while
! the TALL cumbersome gent sat there in
| peace, putting away like chimney on a
shoe factory, but enjoying the fragrance of
the new mown hay and the wild flowers by
| the roadside.
1t would appear that the onus OF this
story Is the man in the middle, who
| originated the now celebrated Commuters
knockfests."