Valentine Democrat. (Valentine, Neb.) 1900-1930, 1905-09-28


wish you could see the bill mine mas
sent me"'-Browning's Magazine.
HAI was an intimate friend or
your late husband. Can't you give me
something 10 remember him by! she
| (shyly)-How would l do?-Punch.
What was it that prevented the
duel this morning? Did one of the
principles fail to show up" mo, but
they forgot the cinematosraph." -Gn
Bias.
BIuster-Do you mean to say that L
am q liar? Blister-I hope that L
! could not do SO ungentlemanly thing
but l see you catch my idea.-lllus-
trated Bits.
She-And do you think it's possible
! for a man to love two girls at the
same time? He-Oh, yes; PROVIDED II
isn't also at the same place.-Phlia-
delphia Ledger.
Miss Sinclair-Wha didn't he mahry
dat Coopah gal? Mr.. Frothinhan-Oh'
| she done funk at de latest minute
wouldn't lend him a dollar foh t git DC
license Wick.
Hicks-Miss Lowd was in your box
| at the horse show the other day,
| heard. Wicks-Yes, and everybody
else within fifty feet of the box heard
| o.-Philadelphia Ledger.
Mamma lat breakfast table)-1ou
should always use your napkin Geor-
gle. Georgie-I am using it, mamma.
I've got the dog tied to the leg OF the
table with it-Golden Days.
Tommy-Pop, what is the difference
between charity and philanthropy
Tommy's Pop-Merely, my son, tnat
philanthropy can afford to hire press
agent Record.
Johnny Jinks-Gee! How'd you
hurt YOUR hand? Bobby Wabbles-l
had q giant-cracker, and I don't kno"
whether 1 held on to it too long or
didn't let go quick enough.-Puck.
Miss Slimmun-Harold called me
peach a little while ago. Miss Iartun
The insulting puppy! l never "ouio
speak to him again. OF course ne
meant q dried peach.-Chicago ITO
une.
"What authority have you for the
statement that Shakespeare is 1mmor-
tall" THE fact that he still survives
after having been murdered by pun
actors for three hundred years. -
Cleveland Leader.
THAT girl gets engaged to every fei-
low that asks her. Il suppose she
goes on the theory that she can always
return the goods if on examination she
decides that she doesn't want them.
Washington Star.
Dear john" wrote Mrs. Newlywed
from the shore, II inclose the hotel
bill" Dear Jane, 1 inclose check"
wrote John, but please don't buy any
more hotels at this price-they are rob
bling you.''-The Smart Set.
"Ah. pretty lady" exclaimed the
fortune teller, you have come to find
yS1r future husband?" Not much.'
replied the pretty lady, I've come to
learn where my present husband Is
when he's absent" Tribune.
Have you any fixed opinions regard
ing the proposed franchise?' asked the
interviewer. Before answering your
question" responded the municipal Of
fetal, 81 should like to know precise
ly what you mean by the word fixed "
Washington Star.
Ethel-When does your breach-of-
promise suit come into court, Claraf
Clara (sobbing)-T to-morrow. Ethel
(consolingly)-I am sorry to see you SO
overcome, dear Clara-Oh, it's moth
ing, Ethel am simply rehearsing for
the jury.-Pick-Me-Up-
That an auction piano your
daughters got, isn't it, asked the sar-
castle woman next door. No, indeed"'
replied the proud mother, Indignantly;
what made you think that oh,
probably because it's going, going. GO
ing all the time" - Philadelphia
Ledger.
"Why am l gloomy" demanded The
undesirable admirer. to whom she had
given the cut direct. Isn't 1t enough
to make one gloomy to be cut by the
one he loves best?' The idea,' AZ
claimed the heartless girl. II didn't
even know that you shaved yourself"
philadelphia Press.
Miss Running woman should
work hard for q husband. Mr.. Marry
at-That's what I say, but my wifes
50 lazy Miss Huntingdon mis-
understand me. l mean she should
work hard to get a husband. but after
she gets him she shouldn't have Ia
work at all.-Cleveiand Leader.