The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1905-09-14
HUMAN W|NDLASS Jones
Makes a Sunday Show on the
Roof of His Home.
UNIQUE LIVING PICTURE
chivarous Efforts to Rescue an lmper-
ilIed Housemad While the Neigh
bors Looked On--lneenious Device
That Won Him Fame

When Jones became a suburbanite
In the Oranges it was with some mis-
giving. But he found the neighbors
congenial and then he thought he
would like it. Then came the Sunday
morning when he slept late.
He was awakened by tremendous
rapping on his door.
Get up! Get up cried his wife.
Mary is stranded on the roof
Mary was the hcnsemaid, woman
of immense beam and great depth.
Mary had decided that morning that
rug needed busting. She was shaking
1t out OF the window when it slipped
from her grasp and slid down the roof
of the extension.
Without thinking of consequences,
Mary crawled down the roof to the
edge and got the rug. Then she looked
back A few seconds contemplation
of the angle ard the smoothness of
the roof convinced her that without
mountain stick and guides and ropes
there was no hope for her in return
Ing the way she came. She surveyed
the surrounding landscape and then
peeped over the edge of the roof.
That didn't reassure her. A careful
measurement would have made the
distance from the roof to the ground
about thirty feet. Then she screamed
Help! Oh, Mrs. Jones. Police"
Mrs. Jones looked over the situation,
became frightened and woke up her
husband. By the time Jones had
donned a dressing gown and appeared
at the window, most of his neighbors
and their servants were around the
house shouting advice to Mary. At
the sight of Jones's tousled head and
blinky eyes, they set up a cheer that
echoed and re-echoed among the hills.
Jones was not pleased bit by the
demonstration. He thought he detect
ed a jarring note in the cheers. The
work of rescue had to be done how
ever, and Jones pulled himself to-
gether.
Get a ladder" he shouted, and
waited for his command to be obeyed.
Some one found a three-foot ladder
and it was brought around to the ex-
tension. When Jones thought it was
in place he told Mary to step over the
,dge of the roof and on to the lad
err Mary peeked over and saw the
topladder twenty-seven feet away.
Gracious Mr.. Jones'" she shouted,
can't reach that"
why not?" demanded Jones, who
ias tired of being living picture for
lis fellow townsmen.
ITS too far away" explained Mary,
and to convince Jones willing hands in
the crowd held up the stunted ladder
for Jones to look at.
With a roar Jones retired, while
the crowd cheered again. Mary, left
alone, began screaming with so
much vigor that the crowd informed
Jones in chorus that he was inhuman,
but nobody made an attempt to help
him out of his predicament, aside from
making suggestions. some of which
were intended to be humorous and
others sarcastic.
Jones stormed around the house for
while, becoming angrier every min
ute, and then remembered that in the
cellar he had rope which he had used
in packing furniture when he moved
from the city.
Jones threw the rope to Mary and
told her to tie it around her waist.
Mary was a little squeamish as to
what would happen after that and
Jones had to explain. The crowd up
roariously approved of the plan,
which gave Jones some doubts about
its outcome. He told Mary that after
she had tied the rope around her
waist he would keep it taut and she
could walk up the roof using the rope
as sort of brace.
The scheme didn't seem to strike
Mary as the most brilliant in the
world, but she obeyed her masters in
structlons BY the time she had the
rope fastened securely around her ex.
pansive waist Jones had been dragged
halfway out OF the window. There
was not enough rope to encircle
Mary's waist and at the same time
give Jones leeway, so she had to unite
the rope to allow him to climb back
into the house.
If circus had struck town Jones's
fellow citizens-that is not the phrase
he uses to describe them-couldnt
have been more pleased. They howled
at Jones until his ears began to ache.
Jones hunted around the house for
more rope. He had to upset every
thing in the cellar to get it, but final
ly found a piece that, added to the
first piece, would be enough to let him
stay indoors while Mary put it around
her waist.
The crowd was pretty tired when
Jones appeared at the window the
third time, and he was permitted to
throw the rope to Mary with a few
weak cheers. The scheme was a
great success,
Mary, with some trepidation, to be
sure, walked up the roof with the AS
sistance Of the rope and Jones, and
when she got to the top he flung her