The mirror. (Stillwater, Minn.) 1894-1925, 1905-09-21
20 WHOEVER it may con-
Germ: Kind frinds an gintle
readers, [ take this names av
maxim, r,nhl1o the fact that


"a large an powerful faymale cook,
the same as has FRUSTRATED me
nervous system wild impunity.
Yis, it waz an lncoInter such as
makes brave min shrink; shure,
whin I want on the ofinsive it
waz the defensive, an some times it
waz both. Whin the forces av
nature are accompanied be tx
,croociatin' humiliation, tits the
temeryty an agillyty av a mans
actions that ginerally conquers;
at Taste in me own case it kipt me
from gittin' kilt intirly.
Fer years [ how been a billyus
sdispiptic invylid, cawsed from attn
unfiltered coolinary concoctions
which hadn't been rendered anty-
siptic. Among thin [ found
hairpins, clothespins, rid hair an
microbes; an wan day if it want
fer the prisince av a psychological
momint, 1 wud how swallied a po-
liceman's stare which waz foatin'
in the soop. Yez can well behave
it waz the limit av me hoomble
Endurance. Whin woman gifts
so recklissly absint- minded as to
cook dhrygoods an hardware,
she might be afther maxim Multi
gan stoos out av the policeman
shimsilf.
As [ became conshis that the
kitchen hygiene waz bein' violated
"a slow internal rage convinced to
burn in me HART; rage which
:good radiance only cud quinch.
Me main quandry waz, which wud
he the best foorm, verbal or writ
ten denoonciation? Remimberin'
that family mans safety lies in
his proodint discraytion, L pinned
the followin' billay doc:
"Bridgit Hooligan, how yez no
RESPECT fer stoomikliss man that
is gittin' ossyfed be consoomin'
PARTICLES av stone, gravel, an
scrap iron? Do yez think I'm a
,cannyble an human ostrich in
DOODLE confirmation? Me simpy-
thetic tinderniss alone prevints ME
from presintin' mesilf in person.
Do yez no if I hadn't split out
that policeman's stare it wudh ov
arristed the cirkylation av me
coompilIin' foorse? Az coorse ye
don't. I niver saw a woman yit
that cud compryh1nd a critycal
situation. Consider yersilf dis
charged, fired, an relaysed at the
same time, spontaneously an in
difynitly,. foor liver an liver. En-
closed find a chick to be cashed at
amy bank whin it's open. Pack
yer joolry an all the kitchen artil-
lery yez can carry, It's Unlisted full
av germs anyway. Place Biddy,
I wud suggest the back dure as the
FRONT av the shatoe is quarin-
tanned. Hopin' ye slip on bana-
ny pale an slide into the nearist
,convaynint coal hole, [ remain, an
eunhilthy man. Dinny Muldoon."
Dispatchin' the missive I locked
the dure an waited fer develop
minis. They convinced in the
kitchen, the noise indycatin' that
some wan waz sore at the Chiny
closet. Instinktively as me eye
bawls searched fer a place av safe
ty, they risted on copy av DR..
Chase's medycal advisor; turnin'
to the chapter on brooses, I started
to raid, whin some wan ascinded
the stairs wild fearful rapidity,
midst the clatter av bricky brack.
I waz calm under the circoom-
stances, KNOWN me powerful in
fooince over womankind. Crash
Bang! Crash! it whit, accoompay-
MED be wild Wills which stint in
the dure wild Bridgit on top av it..
/ trimbled convoolsively as I axed
her waz she sick?
"'Tis a root av all evil l am is
itY" she bawled, littin' 60 av few