The San Francisco call. [volume] (San Francisco [Calif.]) 1895-1913, 1905-05-28
THE MEN WHO
RUIN GOOD
STORIES.

y HANNING POLLOCK says that -
| he ever goes to the Legislature the
~ first bill he introduces will be for the
suppression Of men who spoil good stories
by Quitting in with questions that are
what the lawyers call incompetent, IL
relevant and immaterial
i've just had a seance with Mr.. But
ter said Pollock the other day. to a
New York Press man, "and if I hadn't
left just when 1 did there might have
been trouble.
Butter is a dear friend, whose only
fault is the butt in habit. He doesn't
do 1t intentionally-he simply can't help
IL. but he has spoiled more good stories
drunmers have foregathered in the
smoker.
IT was all primed with the latest story
out and it was a corker. There was
little gathering of US down in Toms place
and when a favorable opportunity pre-
sented itself prepared to launch it This
is how 1 succeeded:
Heard good one on Branscombe to-
day. began by way Of Introduction. He
was on his way up here and
:. What Bransconnbe is that% asked the
Butter
BILLY Branscombe. He had just got
ten on the train
!" DO you know if he's from the southr
asked Butter.
:. No, I couldn't say. Well. he was iust
about to sit down when the conductor
az There was a family Of Branscombes
lived near me in Virginia. said the
Butter solemnly. I think one Of the boys
was named Billy. Do you know how he
spells his manner
No. and 1 don't care 1 snapped.
Well. Branscombe had just taken hts
seat when the conductor came along and
said
These Brancombes I speak Of came
up North and for some reason dropped
''b" from their name continued Butter
I thought perhaps the one you speak OF
might be Of the same bunch. That's why
I asked about the spelling.
THE boys were nearly choking with
suppressed laughter at my discontinue
by this time. and one or two left the
crowd TO discuss other matters. / felt
desperate and started in again.
Well. the conductor, he said to Brans-
combe: This isn't your train. SIR. We go
only to Crofton." But Billy had seen a
mighty pretty girl
Must have been the same Billy Brans-
combe' put in Butter. He always was a
great fellow after the girls I remember
on one occasion
Here two more Of the party left and
my audience had dwindled down to three.
But I was determined to tell that story,
so / resumed:
Well. the sight Of the pretty face de-
cided him and Billy, looking at his ticket.
said with assumed surprise: Why, 1
wanted to go TO Crofton. The ticket
agent must have made a mistake. T.
What Crofton Is that? Mississippi or
ArkansasT interpolated Butter. And be-
fore could answer he driveled on 'Crof-
ton. Miss. is a swagger sort OF place,
while the Arkansas Crofton Is little bet
ter than swamp. There was a man
who came from Crofton, Ark
by a strong effort I kept my hands
in my pockets and watched another au-
ditor fade away, and ignoring the inter
ruption continued hastily:
SO Billy paid second fare and nice
little sum it cost him. for Crofton was q
good distance away
Where did he get on the train2'
asked Butter mildly. They don't charge
much on those Southern trains. I re-
member once I was going from
Human endurance was not equal to it.
The remaining two auditors left. and It
was up to me to either insult my friend
or disappear also. / chose the latter
course and here am"
But what was the story, Pollock?" in
quired the man to whom the playwright
told his woes.
"I'H tell you when I get cooled oown,"
he replied