West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1905-10-05

thS iuNiAity OF opposing the pfogreS
of the Machine.
"You do the Editorial Associa
tion a great honor to invite me tc
address the brethren on the subject
of Pistols, Tax Reform and Boozol
ogy, which, in the past has so wide
ly separated the brethren when NOR,
than one of them was reaching on
and grasping for the pie they coulC
not grab.
"For forty long and dreary year,
| was rain bow chaser after the
pie Just as was about to give
up in despair Gov. Dawson sprung
his Tax Reform on an innocent and
uususpecting public, and the com
mon people, in appreciation of the
wealth producing era Of prosperity
and the full dinner pail poured forth
into the lap of the Governor every
specie of pies known to the pieolo,
gist. Ia recognition of faithful
follower OF Machine supremacy the
Governor generally presented me
with my first and only pie, which
means a prolongaiion Of my life.
at is the part of wisdom, which
makes you worthy successor OF
Solomon, who was wise to take un.
to himself so many ribs, to invite
Senator Elkins TO crate before the
Association of perforators. No
class of men can puncture the armor
of hungry pieologist with greater
solemnity and malice aforethought
than quill driver when there is no
pie in sight.
'As the age Of Limitation is about
to expire on the Senator's present
piece of pie it will be necessary for
him to guarantee to every brother
present al the meeting that there is
a pie dangling in his sanctum ready
to drop into his lap. II this is not
done the Machine will have to vic
late the constitution and bylaws of
our Union and work over time to
prepare the dough for the 1900 pie
which he is grasping for. This
would be humilialing sight for me
to witness.
al was gratifed to learn that
Bros. Lamar c. Powell, Deacon
Brown and Leader Shaw have been
appointed the advance guard in pen
etrating the wilderness Of the Inde-
pendent State of the departed Pat
Duffy. There is nothing lha. can
precieVe of at the preseai moment
that can harm the exterior or inter
ior of the trio of brethren, unless it
would be too copious a draught of
pure and sparkling mountain water.
Give my kindest regards to all
the brethren and assure them that
my absence is not due TO a lack of
orators to entertain and instruct
them, but is caused by the vigilance
that ! must keep over our new tax
laws and pies. Have some brother
to offer motion to have this letter
spread on the minutes OF the meet
ing that it may be preserved for the
future generations of piemen and
tax reformers."
From one who was present learn
that my letter created a great sensa-
ton. Many and pungent were the
regrets expressed by the brethren
that l was unable to attend the meet
ing. All agreed that / was the fore
most journalist Of the age and one
whom the West Virginia Editorial
Association felt justly proud Of.
From the proceedings before me
/ note that the brethren had q royal
good time, and the numerous re.
solves and whereases which they
spread upon the minutes indicates
that they enjoyed themselves as
hugely as 1 did on my first night
visit to the Bowery and red light
districts IN Charleston.
Here is one Of the resolutions
which the brethren passed which is
a gem and worthy Of circulation
Resolved, That the West Virgin.
ia Editorial Association, which has
met at Webster Springs, to discuss
Tax Reform, which was promulgat
ed and conglcmerated by our dis
tinguished Governor, Hon. William
Mercer Ovens Dawson, before he
took bis departure for Canada and
turned over the reins Of the Govern
gnent to The Rambler; and, whereas,
it has been reported to this Associ.
ation by eminent and scientific
boozologists that the Webster
Springs water and high-balls and
cocktails will not dwell in the same
stomach without endangering the
life and happiness Of the member.
OF he Wei Nirnini. Ehit..t.l a...