Chicago eagle. [volume] (Chicago, Ill.) 1889-19??, 1905-09-02

Johnny--To investigatc-New York
Sun.
II say, Jean. won't you lend Paul
fvery' Does he need it badly?" 81
should say so. lie wants to pay back
what lie owes me.'--Les Annalcs.
First Old Lady--He was bad char.
nctcr: but believe he rcpented at last.
Second Old 1.ady--Oh. no. he didn't;
| saw that he died intcstatc.--I.ondOn
Globe.
"whata beautiful hat you're wearing
to-day" I'm so glad you like it. You
have such good taste" Yes. had
one Just like it,-last ycar."--Mcggcn.
dorfcr Batter.
Poor old IIcnpeck leads "A dogs lif"
with his wife" well. why on earth
doesn't he apply for II divorcc!" lie
says he wanted To. but she wouldn't
let him. "--EX.
II Il man smiles and looks pleased
when YOU pay him II compliment. pay
him another one. In time you may be
able to borrow money from him.--Som.
erville Journal.
"AIy DOCTOR" said lIllyuus. has or.
derei me TO take more exercise.
what are you going to dot" Have
the ii .kcr moved across the room from
my dcsk."--EN.
Young Motlcr--Tlc doctor says you
shouldn't kiss the baby: it isn't SAM.
tnry. old Ncighbor--l'oor little Eel.
low-why don, you wash him;---Dc.
tiOit Free Press.
Nictlm-Whai has happened; Where
am II Doctor--You have been serious
IT, injured in Il trolley accident. But
cheer up--you will recover. Victim
How much!-Ex.
Bank cashcr--Sou have overdrawn
your account. madam. Lovely Lady
That is just like me. My husband says
am always rNaggrrating everything.
--Somcrvillc Journal.
Mamma course you said. ION.
this Is 80 sudden" when Tom finally
proposed. Daugh,cr--No: | fully in.
tended to. but ! was - excited for.
got. and exclaimed. at last.--Ex.
"Oh. Mr.. Brown. why did you leave
the Christian Science Church, Real
~. Miss Jones. II you will have the
truth. got 50 awfrlly tired of being
so pcrsistcntly cheerful all the time
Life.
First AUTHORITATIVE you sold many
copies of your book: Second Author
mbscn,lyj Wonderful. over II hun
drcd thousand First Authorization
was II issued: Second Authpr-Ncxt
Tucs,iay.--I.ir".
Mo;hcr--Bobby. begged papa for
an hour today 10 buy II pony. but he
won't do II. Bobby dnhignantly)-
Why didn't you burst into tears?
Couldn't you do that much for me:--
New York Mail.
IL understand that your boy Is get.
ting an education" "YasSuh." answer
ed Uncle Rnsbcrry. IAN mebbe he's
dom be,ter'n dat. honestly b'lieves
he's gittim' sense along wifi it
Washington Star.
"Did tn docthrr find out what II Is
that's ailin' yez!" NO. He said th'i
nawthin' but II postmortem eXanilna-
ton wud liver reveal IT.. An ! haven't
enough curiosity about ut to have ut
done. "-Clevrlund Leader.
Dear pop" wrote the boy from The
art school don't send me any more
money! have saved half that which
you sent me last month" Come
home" wired the old man. you'll
never make an artlst."-pmck.
Chicf-Do you mean to say that YOU
haven't been able To get single clcw
ns to the pcrpcirator Of this crime?
Deter,lve-Naw. Them newspaper re-
portcrs Is down on me ana they won't
tell me NEUTRALITY-SUSPICIOUS. Leader.
Reporter understand that one OF
your guests committed suicide last
night by hanging himself out of Il
third-stOry window. l.ohglng'house
Keeper-Woll. there was such Il room
or In the air for whlle.--Town Top.
les
Alice rushed in from the garden.
where she had been picking flowers.
She was badly st,lng by bee, and
was holding on to her finger and sob
bling pitlfully. "Oh. mamma she
cried. Il burned me on bug
Brooklyn Life.
Young Lady repeating conversation
to deaf old grntleman)-Nliss Frllls
says 1t gave her such u fright. Deaf
Old Gent--Eh? ! didn't quite
Young I.ady--Such fright! Deaf Old
Gent-Ah. yes-I agree with you--so
she is.--Punch.
II suppose. madam said the archi-
tect. 'yOu will want an electrOlier put
In the drawing.rOOm Sure" an.
swered Mrs. Neurich: ~ don't know
how to play one, but III begin taking
lessons at once. regardless OF COST
Chicago Daily News.
ny the way. what has become Of
Browns book. One Hundred short
Cuts 20 Wealth that he was working
20 hard upon last year?" "Oh. Brown
finished the book all right, but was
unable to raise money enough to have
ii published. Judge.
"Perkins--you know Perkins--enter.
ed into an agreement with his wife
soon after their marriage, twenty
years ago, that whenever either lost
temper or stOrmed, the other was to
keen silence" And the scheme
,o.,,o6.v "Admirahlv porkins has