Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1905-06-17
Humorous


We'll, was!-Cleveland Leader.
He-Do You read all the popular
novels of the day? She-Gracious. MOI
l have just time to see how they end.
FIX
He-As / sat there alone, Hilda
came along and offered me a penny
for my thoughts She-The extrava-
CANT standardization Transcript.
Old Gent-My poor child! Did not
your parents leave you anything when
they died? Poor Child-Yep. Dey left
me an orphan!-Boston Transcript.
"0h, papa, the duke has proposed to
me" He has?" Yes, papa. And
he says can wear coronetl Here's
the pawn toicke for itr-Cleveland
Leader.
Duffer-I've been figuring on the ex-
PenSes of an automobile and l find
the greatest cost is the operation. Puff
fer-Mechanical or surgical INDIAN
apolis Star
Jim-Say, Bin, wot would yer do
If yer had million dollars? Bill
oh, | spose I'd blow about half NV
1t maxim ineself sick an de other half
tryin ter find out wot wuz de matter
wild mex.
What does the first expert say?"
lie says the prisoner is guilty" And
the second expert?" Not guilty"
There's third expert isn't there2"
Yes; he says both the other experts
are liars, Houston Chronicle.
ohlcer-What is the complaint here7
| Orderly offering basln)--Taste that,
sir. Officer (tastlng)--Well, think it's
excellent soup. Orderly-Yes, sir;
that's the trouble; they want TO per-
suade us it's tea--Glasgow Evening
| Times.
Fond Young Mother with her first
| born)-Now, which Of us do you think
he is like? Friend Uudlcally)--Well,
of course, intelligence has not really
dawned in his countenance yet. but
he's Wonderfully like both of y0u.--
Punch
Broadway bad about old Gott-
rocks. Manhattan-Why, what's the
matter with him? Broadway He
started In TO make enough money TO
retire on, and made 80 much that he's
got TO work overtime to take care Of
it.--Llfe.
which do you think counts for the
most in life, money or brainsY We'll"
answered Miss Cayenne, Il see so
many people who manage to get on
with SO little of either, that am be-
ginning to lose my respect for both"
Washington Star
Guest-This is the fourth time I've
rung for ice water! Bell Boy know
il, sir, but the hotel Is full of people
that were at that same banquet, and
every time | started down the hall
to your room somebody reached out
ana snatched the pitcher-Detrolt
Free Press.
The Actor-Look here. old man,
wish you'd lend me five dollars In ad-
vance, and take II out OF my FIRST
weeks salary, The Manager But, my
dear fellow, just supposlng, for the
sake OF argument, that | couldn't pay
you your first weeks salary where
would | bef-Life.
The managing editor wheeled his
chair around and pushed button In
the wall The person wanted entered.
Here" said the editor, "are n mum
Der OF directions from outsiders as to
the best way TO run a newspaper. See
that they are all carried out" And
the Office boy, gathering them all into
large waste basket, did so. Wash
Ingtou Life.
GIVE you a nickelY' said Miss De
style; "Oh, 10. / never dispense pro
mlscuous aims. why do you not OBJ
tain employmentT' Please, num-"
wns the timid reply, Il have small
baby, and people won't be bothered by
q woman with a child" Then, you
absurd creature. why not leave the
enid at home with Its nurse Phil
hdeluhia Bulletin.
Gen. "Phn7 Sheridan was at one
time asked at what little incident did
he laugh the most. We'll" he said,
II do not know, but always
laugh when l think of the Irish
man and the army mule. was
riding down the line one day, when |
saw an Irishman mounted on a mule,
which was kicking its legs rather free
IL. The mule finally got Its hoof
caught in the stirrup. when in the ex-
element the freshman remarked;
Well. begorrah, II you're goin' to get
Ga. I'll get of"
ITS mighty easy to make mistake
.u a person remarked John A Nc
Cau Of tie New York Life Insurance
Company a few days ago to a friend.
ITS Ike the case OF sea captain
once knew He got married late in
life and progressed little further than
the honeymoon when his wife packed
mn her duds and ran Off with hand