Audubon Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Iowa) 1894-1925, 1905-12-28
STORIETTES.

STORIETTES.
One time when Joaquin Miller was
In Chicago. he was interviewed for
one Of the newspapers. While he
was telling Of the progress of things
Western, the reporter interrupted
him with an inquiry about the numer-
Gus city confiagratiors out West. The
poet OF the Sierras instantly replied:
Our fires are caused by the friction
OF rapid growth"
After the dentist had extracted a
small boys tooth. the victim asked
for the tormentor. Certainly, my
little man, but why do you want it,"
queried the dentist, handing it over.
We'll, SIR responded the gratified
boy, I'm going to take it home and
I'm going to stuff it full OF sugar
Then I'm going to put it on plate,
and" with a triumphant grin, watch
1t ache"
Representative AdaInson, of Geor-
gia, while going to Washington one
day. noticed crowd around the de-
pot at one of the stations down In
North Carlonia, and poked his head
out OF the window, and asked of
negro: adam, what's the matter
here? "Jim Johnson's dead, sah,"
was the answer. Somebody shoot
him?" "No, sab; nobody done nuth-
in to him; he jis died all to once
unanimously"
Adam Smith, the economist, fell In
love and proposed. The offer was
refused. Next day the lady met
Smith in Princes Street, Edinburgh,
and reopened the question of the
proposal. "You remember what
said?" the lady inquired. and the
philosopher replied that he did.
We'll" added the lady, 81 was only
| Joking" you remember what /
asked?" said Smith. Eyes" replied
the lady. ''Well," said Smith, Il
was only joking. too"
A man wishing admittance to heav-
| en-, knocked at the celestial port.
| st. Peter responded and demanded
credentials. "Oh," said the appli-
cant, Il am Mr.. Johnstown, of Johns
town flood fame" He was admitted,
and in few days st. Peter met Mr..
| Johnstown again and asked him how
he liked heaven and his neighbors.
| "All but the old party with the long
white beard. Whenever / tell about
the Johnstown flood he always says,
oh, rats!'" st. Peter smiled 1.-THE
bearded man." he said, SIS Noah"
| The following conversation that
actually took place in Manila is sig
nifcant and very amusing: Ameri-
| can housekeeper to Filipino servant:
why is it, Ramon, that you worked
so well for the Spaniards and for
| so little? They treated you very
badly, while I treat you very well;
they paid you only two PESOS per
month, and you demand of me twenty
FIVE; I do not understand it." Ra-
non replied: "Ah, sonora, the Span
| tards were our superiors. You Amer
| leans are our equals"
At a musical comedy in London,
from his seat in the stalls. Clyde
Fitch noticed a young man In one OF
he boxes laughing uproariously. His
| companion was critic and Mr.. Fitch
said to him: THAT chap in the box
seems to be enjoying himself" "He
| the author" said the critic. "Well,
hen" said Fitch, Il think he ought
o have better taste than to laugh so
oud." "Oh," said the critic, che is
| he author, but he never heard these
otes before. They were put in by
| he comedian"
An honest and stupid Irishman, who
| lad worked for a coal dealer half
year, and shown no capacity to learn
1is duties, was finally discharged.
| Go to the Office and get your money.
| I'VE been patient with you, but you
are too thick headed to learn any
hing" said the proprietor. "Al
oight, SIR" answered Barney: "meb-
| De Ohm t'ick-headed, as yez say, but
| Dive learned wan ting, annaway.'
If you have, and learned it well, I'll
| lot discharge you," said the proprie-
| or, banteringly, now, what have you
| earned" "Oi've learned sor, that
| seventeen hundred makes ton in this
| place." returned Barney, and he went
| pack to work.
During the hottest fighting in the
! Shipka Pass, the leading battalion Of
| the Russian General Dragomiroff's
| division recoiled before a hailstorm
! of Turkish bullets. The general was
very stout person, ana mad tne
! general appearance OF peaceful
| German professor. But When ne
saw his men recoil, he dismounted
| and walked slowly to and fro along
a ridge swept by the enemy's bullets
| He was a hundred yards in advance
of the men, occupying the position
they had abandoned. After staying
| there for awhile without being
| touched, he shouted back to the bat
| talon: What are you doing, you
| geese? Did you think there was
danger here? I don't find any!'
The men responded with roar OF
cheers, doubled up to him, and
charged SO fercely that the Turks
were forced to retreat.