The Birmingham age-herald., 1905-09-17

ODGE ALION BAOOlAo GAff- lO1E KER, who was hauled out of his O obscurity by certain financial in terests to head the democratic national ticket, makes the astonishing assertion that "the nation must be protected from graft" Really? The vanquished Sage of Esopus' makes a statement that will awake consternation in the ranks of dis honest officials who are just now picking the pockets of Uncle Sam ''The nation must be protected from graftr Of course it must. Judge Parker blandly informs us of truth that is recognized by every thinking man In the country. It is a slogan that has become universal yet he fathers it and contents himself with the statement of a well-known fact without the suggestion of a remedy It can read fly be seen that Judge Parker has not lost his ability to expound empty words.
 A man who had to play ',In the Shade of the Old Apple Tree on a cornet thirty times a day for the edification of the pa tients of an insane asylum confesses that the job drove him to drink These were undoubtedly mitigating circumstances.
 The bogus interview which was printed in the Petit Parislen and attributed to President Roosevelt shows that yellow Journalism is not confined to the United States.
 The Chicago man who maintained two wives and two sets of children on $12.50 week could make little money by writing series of articles to the Ladies' Home Journal on domestic economy.
 Listen and you will hear from the Equitable directors the grand, sweet cho- rus, There are others"
 "Yes," said the medtative man, these new-fangled pipes won't do. You have no doubt noticed advertisements. of pipes that absorb their own nicotine, pipes that never clog, pipes that clean themselves, pipes that possess many wlerd and won l derful advantages which render them per- fectly harmless and housewfe's delight: but take pipe veterans advice and let them alone To my mind there is no pipe that can equal for solid satisfaction the dear, old. battered brier, which has been the companion of my joys and sorrows for the past ten years. I have confded all my troubles to that pipe and when the clouds looked dark. when the sun stopped shining and a gloom spread over the face of things I drove dull care away with q few intoxicating whiffs from Number g.. It Is not prepossessing pipe. It pos sesses none of those graees which make the meerchaum the aristocrat of pipedom; there is no gold about It's bowl and it's amber stem is sadly stained Number 9 does not exhale the incense of a rose gar- den, and it sometimes splutters and fusses when the stem becomes surcharged with nicotine, but with all its faults I love it still. That's the pipe for me-"
 One of the immediate perils resulting from the establishment of s25O.OOO bank ! by Alice Hogan Rice. of Mrs. Wiggs of the Cabbage Patch fame. is that her ex- ample may arouse in 10000 budding novel; ists the hope that they may some day do likewise.
 It Is again rumored that James Hazen Hyde is contemplating matrimony. If he is not better fitted for wedlock than he was for the insurance business James had better stay single.
 | Graft: Ink, per dozen quarts, agricul- tural department, s4; government print
 ing office, s4.32; department of justice, s2.32; department of commerce and labor, | S250; postoffice department, $1.34.
 l Friday night just about the time a stage