The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-11-10

& Coz
Il HUMOR OF THE Day
my man." said old Hardfyst to the
hero who had just saved MIN from
death under the wheels OF locomo-
tive eff I had change for this half
dollar, I'd give you something.
Pop" replied the hero. II you
really want to pay me what your LIES
worth, you'll need change for cent.
Philadelphia Press.
ct have been told" ventured the
Iong-haired bard, as he assembled to
the editorial sanctum, that you give
poets a substantial check for their
effusions Have I been informed cor
you have, indeed" chuckled the
busy editor. "Our check on poets in
cludes anything from the sliding stair
way to a shotgun. Chicago Daily
News.
Mrs. Knocker-Professor Search
lite is going on another baboon hunt.
'S Mr.. Knooker-1s he going out OF
town Judge.
Hoax-why did he commit suicide?
Joax-The after effects Of blow
Hoax-A blowout, eh2 Gas or
brains ?-PhiladeIphia Record.
shes the most unconscious girl ever
wen. why shouldn't she be? She's
pretty and knows it, she's clever ana
What has she to be conscious of?-Puck.
Priscilla has just asked John to speak
you see she explained. IT won't give
him a chance after we are married
er, LongfeiIow wrote up a different YER
sion.-New York Tribune.
In the midst of life +" said the profess
tor, rejecting on the general uncertainty
of things. there is always an tf'.'-Chi-
cago Tribune.
Well demanded Mrs starvem, at the
back door, what do you want2"
Why replied the tramp, Il seen you
advertised table board in this mornings
paper
We'll I thought mebbe yer wus given
out some samples. philadelphia Press
Mani hate to have 3 girl refuse me.
Girl-Then you must never propose to
one.-Somerville Journal
Him-Do you think women should have
the privilege of proposing2
Her-Emphatically not.
Him-Why nOt2
Her-And give them the privilege of re-
fusing? NeSer.-CleTeland Leader.
father viii say when speak to him?
Beryl (sure of him now)-He won't say
anything. He'll be speeches. with joy
Chicago Tribune
Miss Pechis-I was quite surprised
at Mr. Sloman last evening He was
discussing American Beauties and
he paid me quite compliment
al all t,-k
prising- never before heard of his
paying anything before it was due
Philadelphia Press.
ola Lady-HOw can you use such
shocking language?
Old Woman-Beg pardon, mum, but
I be very deaf, and I cawn't rightly
ear wot 1 says.-Punch.
IT hear Miss Footlights has turned
down crown prince"
yes a life Insurance magnate proposed
Press.
"Pa,'' said little Willie, ''what is the
difference between magnet ana a
magnate %
"a magnet, Willie, is a metallic sub
stance, generally iron, which viii at
tract certain metals, but not gold or
silver A magnate is a metallic sub
stance, invariably of brass, which VIII
attract gold and silver only."-Judge.
What I3 t.: a pretty womanT Is she IN
''oh. yes-three times.'-Cleveland
Leader.
First Boy-Where's dat kid dat vzuE
ter referee de football game fer US dis
Second Boy-He's jest got run over
by an automobile and six ribs broke!
Gee, but dat kid is lucky. Life.
Have you asked yourself where
that candidate got his money!
Deed boss" answered Mr.. James
CollihOwers ST hadn't got dat fur along
been busy Wonderin' what he gwine
to do VIII it in dis election. Wash
ington Star
Doctor, have you any professional
engagement for today that would pre-
vent your taking tea with us?"
why, madam I hope-that is. I
fear SO. I have engaged box for the
football game this afternoon. Chi
cagO Tribune.
Yeast-Did he fail to make sue
Crimsonbeak-Y yes. I believe that is
why he failed.-Y onkers Statesman.
First Director wish they'd inves-
tigate this company
Second Director-Why2
First Director-Id like to find out
something about it.-Puek.
waiter-How did you order your
/ beef, sir?
Personally, confound
you. I suppose I ought to have or
dered it by mail two weeks in adj
vance.=Cleveland Plain Dealer
There is nothing 1 like 50 much
as the excitement of subduing a horse
of spirit" cried the Strenuous One.
And I prefer the Quieter pleasure
of putting down pony OF brandy