The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-09-02

Chicago News.
HUMOR or The DAY
The Doctor-I have just returned from
weeks eek shooting TIP TIP up pJ nSF9n:7
The Druggist-Huhi you could have done
attending to your regular business.-Chi-
cago Daily News.
Diogenes had come back to resume his
search. but he ives by no means Sanguine
of success. ITO be sure, oil is cheaper,
he said, as he lighted his lantern, and
which this has been brought about mas
rendered the honest man scarcer than ex-
er, if one IS to believe all one reads IN
the magazines. Puck.
say you're having trouble to get your
money out of Mr.. Starboard. He always
boosted that ne PAID as ne AVER %ent Int can
not get him to go.-Catholic Standard and
Times.
Conley-They tell me that ivry wan av
thin Japskis do be thrained athletes.
Rooshans will give thin credit fer know
in how t put tn shot.-Puck.
work?'' asked the farmers wife of Saun-
tering Sam.
thought of it once-but was deIeeryus at
de time. cleveland Plain Dealer.
Mr.. Jones. I called to ask you to join
I'd like to join, parson, but can you
me, my new automobile isn't running yet
just as it should do.''-Houston Post.
To x-o,, a-,oI,ar 1yo,1r al seh0ol
friend, Sophy Smythe?
She-Yes, indeed. I do. A most absurd
looking thing. So silly. too! What be-
He-Oh, nothing only-I married her
Punch.
'AnG you say the folding bed shut up
on you lsst night?" asked the boarding
Sure 1 did," replied the new boarder
You must have experienced great dis
be policeman, and I'm used to sleeping
standing up.''-Yonkers Statesman.
what are you studying now?" asked
I'VE have taken up the subject of mole
cules," answered her son.
Il hope you will be very attentive and
practice constantly. tried TO get your
father to wear one, but ne Couldn't make
it stay in his eye.'-Medical STANDARD
Miss Pepprey-Not going in bathing?
Cholly-No, indeed. You know, they say
that theah's a huge shark lurking around
the beach these days -.
Miss Pepprey..,Yes. but why should that
shark. YOU know.-Ph iladeph.a Press.
Mother-Why did you let him kiss you?
IIdlth-Well, he was 50 rice about it. He
Mother--The ideal Haven't 1 told you
Edith-That's what 1 did say. He asked
me if I'd be angry if he kissed me.-Phil-
adelphia Ledger.
ITS strange that you never met Count
Spagghetti before" remarked the heiress-
put he tells me he has been in New
York for quite number of years.
Yes, but I always shave myself. you
know. "-Philadelphia Press.
Il don't believe said Mr.. spuddsworth,
''in running people down behind their
But" replied Mrs. waddsonscadds.
what can you do if they neglect to get
them ?''SChicago Record-Heraid
Here is another example of the irony
What's that2''
Why: when eggs are cheap and plenti.7;
Cleveland Plain Dealer.
Have you never given any thought to
what posterity will say about you?"
No answered Senator Sorghum; 81
long ago arrived at the conclusion that
posterity can not make you as much trou-
BILE as one of your next door neighbors. -
Washington Star.
| 80 you took an ocean voyage for your
heaIth?"
How did it work?'
II got seasick and never felt so misera-
Bile in all my life. Washington Star.
How Jobberly does like 10 hear himself
Yes. They say that his wife can make
him terribly unhappy merely by waking
him up and telling hin. that he's been
talking in his sleep.'-Cieveland Leader.
Husband-Do you know that every time
Wife-No, did not: but if it is so, pre-
band she has.-New Yorker.
Lady Driver of Automobile to Tramps by
the Wayside-Can you. show us the way
to Great Missingden. please?
thing to oblige a ladyi-Pnnch' 49, an
Here's copy of one of our new bonds
your approval" said the secretary of the
held it up to the light.
THE design is all right, but / think it
would be better for us If the paper didn't
have such a big water mark in it.''-Lou-
isvflle Herald.
she-And did you ever propose to a girl
in cancer
He-Yes, and I'll never do it again, The
girl jumped at the proposal ana upset the
boat.--Yonkers Statesman.
Mr.. De Rich-Whati Another new street
dress? Where is the last one you got?
Mrs. De Rich-I have worn it out
Mr. d. R-1t isn't week since you got
Mrs. D. RI wore 1t out last rhursaav