Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1905-03-17
Humorous

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The derrick isn't handsome, but it
has an uplifting infuence.-Philadel-
-phia Record.
New Years: First Resolution-How
are You feeling? Second Resolution
Broke.-Life.
Father from top Of staircase) -
Ethel, is that young man gone? Ethel
Awful funny, pa.-Grit
"Do you think Banks ever fooled his
wife successfully "I know it. He
married her."-Detroit Free Press.
what is worse than owing money
you can't payY Being owed money
you can't collect. Ledger.
Miss Snowfake-What did Jim Jack
son git married for? Miss Washtubv
Lawd only knows-he keeps right on
workin'!-Puck.
She-Do you think that woman
can truly love but once? He-Well,
II that's the only chance she has-yes!
Detroit Free Press.
Papa, will you send me to Europe
to study music?' mo; you can study
it here, and I'll send you to Europe to
practice Houston Post.
Never tell secret, dear. It would
be great breach. of confidence.
what must 1 do with it, mamma p
"Well-bring it to mev'- Madame.
Father-But do you think you can
make my daughter happy? Suitor-
Happy! Say, you should just have
seen her when proposed-Brookfyn
Life.
Mamma-Don't lounge that way,
Tommy. Sit up like man. Tommy
Why, mamma, men sit down; it's only
dogs and rabbits that sit up.-Phila-
delphia Press.
Teaspout-Why are you SO angry
with the doctor? Mrs. Teaspout =
When told hIm had terrible tired
feeling he told me to show him my
tongue.-Exchange.
Hoax-They say the sultan of Tur-
key scares his wives nearly to death.
Joax-Yes; I've always heard that he
was a harem-scarem sort of fellow
Philadelphia Record.
Smiggs-There goes man who has
done much to arouse the people.
Smaggs-Great labor agitator, ehl
Smiggs-No; manufacturer Of alarm
clocks-Chicago Ledger.
Mrs. Henpeck-This paper says that
married women live longer than single
ones. Mr.. Henpeck-Heavens, WON
an! Can't you think of something
pleasant to talk about?-Borrowed.
Freda-He claims to be related to
you, and says he can prove it. Floyd
Related to me? Why that mans a
fool. Freda-Of course, but that may
be a mere Observation-Disclosures
Bits.
Mrs. Hayrix-Them air Japs must
be kinder hard up for somethin' tew
read. Hayrix-Why so, Mandy? Mrs
Hayrix-This paper says they went
an took lot nv Russian magazines
Exchange.
Nervous Old Lady ION seventh fool
of hoteD-Do you know what precau
tions the proprietor OF the hotel has
taken against fire? Porter-Yes. mum
he has the place inshoored for twice
wot it's worth.-Pittsburg Gazette.
/ Frenzied Finance: The Farmer lex
citedly)-Say, Mister Constubble, I've
Jest bin bunkered out Nv every durr
cent! The Policeman Grritably)-Well
don't holler to me, you come-on!
amt no magazine publisherIPuck.
Mrs. Watkyns-Henry, 1 want~a dol
lar this morning. Mr.. Watkyns-Grea
Caesar, woman! Do you think that
am made of money? When you wan
large amounts you ought to let mi
know "a hours in advance.-Somer
vile Journal.
Irate Employ here, you young
Rip Van Wrinkle, I only hired you yes
terday; and believe, on my soul
you've been asleep around here eve
since! Sleepy Joe-That's what
though you wished, sir. Here's you
advertisement: .'Wanted-An offic,
boy, not over 16; must sleep on tn
premises. New Orleans Times-Dem
ocrat.