Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1905-06-29

without saying "ein" would bring the
beer all the same so he cut out the
language entirely and works his finger
until it needs a rest. %
When I used to study my geography
at the little red schoolhouse, and look
at the picture of the volcano Vesuvius,
and read about how it would throw
up red-hot lava, and ashes, and rocks
-s big as a house, and wipe out cities,
1t looked SO terrible to me that | was
glad when We got through with the
volcano lesson, and got to Greenland's
icy mountains, where there was no
danger escapt being frozen to death.
or made sick by eating blubber sliced
off of whales.
Then | never expected to be right on
the very top of that volcano. throwing
stones down in the lava, and sailing
chips down the streams of hot stuff,
just as l sailed chips on ice water at
home when the streets were flooded
by spring rains. Say, there is no more
danger on Vesuvius than there is in a
toboggan slide, or shooting the chutes
sat home. | thought we would have to
hire dagoes to carry us up to the top,
and be robbed and held up, and RAY
be murdered, but it is just as easy as
going up in the elevator of a sky
scraper. and no more terrifying than
sitting on a 50-cent seat in a baseball
park at home and witnessing the De
struction of Pompeii" by a fireworks
display.
The crater looks sort of creepy, like
q big cauldron kettle boiling soap on
a farm, only it is bigger, and down in
the earth's bowels you can well believe
there is trouble, and if you believe in
a hell, you can get it, illustrated
proper, but the rivulets of lava that
flow out of the wrinkles around the
mouth of the crater are no more ap-
palling than making Judges over a gas
stove. When the lava cools you would
swear it was Judges, only you can't
eat the lava and get indigestion as you
can eating Judges.
It was hard work to get dad to 20
up on the volcano, because he said he
knew he would fall into it, and get
his clothes burned, and he said he
couldn't climb clear to the top, on &C.
count of his breath being short, but
when I told him he could ride up on
a trolley car, and have the volcano
brought right to him, he weakened, and
one morning we left Naples early AND
before two hours had passed we were
on a little cogwheel railroad going up
and dad was looking Down on the
scenery, expecting every minute the
cogs would slip and we would cut loose
and go down all in a heap and be plas.
tered all over the vineyards and bis
trees and be killed.
| don't know what makes dad SC
nervous, but he wanted a woman from
Chicago, who was on the car with us
to hold his hand all the way up, but
she said she was no nurse in a home
for the aged, and she said she woult
cuff dad If he didn't let go of her.
told her she better not get dad mad il
she knew what was good for her, for HI
was a regular Bluebeard, and wouldn'
take no slack from no Chicago female
cause he had buried nine wives al
ready. So she held his hand, and
guess she thinks she will be my step
mother, but | bet she don't.
Well, after we got almost to the toI
the car stopped, and we had to wall
the rest Of the way, several hundred
feet, and we had to have a pusher ant
/ putter for dad, a dago to go aheat
and pull him up, and another to pu
his shoulder against dads pants ant
shove. Gee, but 1t was a picture I,
! see dad "go up old ~baldhead," witt
the dagoes perspiring and swearing a
, dad for being so heavy, and the Chi
cago woman laughing, and me pushing
: her up.
One thing that scared dad was tina
. every little way there was a shrine
where the guides left dad lying on tn
ground, blocked with a piece Of col,
lava, so he wouldn't roll down, like yo'
would block a wagon wheel, and the
7 would go to the shrine and kneei an
tay some prayers.