davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-12-30
HUMOR OF THE DAY

Johnny-Come in. Sisters expectin'
you. to
Johnny-She's been sleepin' all the af-
ernoon.-Cleveland Leader.
II hear that the new stars acting
brought down the house"
Yes it did. In one week it brought
down the house from eight hundred 70
ten people ana the ushers. Cleveland
Leader.
Nora-Thor's a tramp ut tn gate, num-
avn he says he is Impecunious-
Nistress-And what did you tell him.
Nora-Faith. OF towld him yez wor not
acquaint wild my wan by thot name.-Chi-
cago News.
ITS easy. enough to pick out the bank
rlpt" said the unsophisticated reporter
at the the q. creditors ne meeti ting
yes. See how shabby and careless ne
That's the principal creditor.The bank
ana diamonds. EPhiladeiphia Ledger.
They say the .Eskimos are q very ao-
Never make a night of it, eh7"
Most assuredly not, A man couldn
very we'll stay. out for six months. -
Louisville Courier Journal
Tess-Yes Mr.. Grouchy called upon me
JessNoh. the ideal He's a perfect bear.
II TessEo. I don't know. He didn't hug
so hard.-Philadelphia Press
MY husband has asked me not to buy
him any Christmas present this year"
Are you going TOT"
~Oh, yes. I need some things that can
not get any other way. Cleveland Lead
WiIIie-Mamma. dreamed last nfe'2t
that papa gave me bicycle for Christ
mas, and you gave me watch.
Mamma-But. Willie. you know dreams
go by contraries.
Willie-Then you will give me the bicy-
Gle and papa the wateh.-Town and Coun-
try.
Fortune what's the matter dear7 You
MI Mrs. Fortune-Excitedi why shouldn't
I? The new chambermaid complained Of
a headache, 50 I sent her upstairs, and
told her to take things easy She. did
She's gone off with all of my jewelry--i
Judge.
why don't you cultivate the art Of or
my friend answered Senator sor-
ghum, "oTatOry soOthes the gallery to
slunber and reads well in the newspaper,
but the kind Of talk that counts is that
which you read into a mans ear with
your hand grasping his coal lapel -
Washington Star.
There is none. so blind as they that
won't see said the man who gets angry
when he argues
yes" answered the new congressman
sadly: Il never fully realized the force Of
that idea until tried to catch the speak
er's eye."-Wa Washington Star.
Instructor-You know the law presunes
that the person accused is innocent until
he is proved to be guilty. do you not2
Shaggy Haired Pupil-No; didn't know
that, but I know any lawyer viii presume
that way if you pay him enough.-chica-
go Tribune.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-12-30
REFLECTIONS OF A BACHELOR.

IF7rom the New York Press.l
Generally a girl isn't interested il she
acts as IL she were.
The politicians take good care that the
statesmen get defeated
A girl is never too old not to sheer at
some one older who hasn't found a hus-
band yet.
Half the fun Of being married is telling
what a lot OF fun you really had gT5eSl
you were a bachelor.
woman would rather be dubbed to
death BY a man she loves than caressed
by one she doesn't
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-12-30

Tt is said that men from the prairies
make particularly good sailors for the
navy. Navigating a broncho viii fit
one to ride the Spanish Main or any
thing else and then most western young
men have had more or less experience
In sailing prairie schooners.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-12-30

J. F. farrell has been a country editor
at Holton only about two months. but
honors have already piled thick upon
him. Besides being called to act as a
judge at an oratorical contest he has
been admitted to the order of Hons. -
and his name SO appears on the pro-
gram. The next thing we know MI.
farrell Will be singing tenor in the
Presbyterian choir.-Osborne Farmer.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-12-30
A SIRE THING

If the statement that a certain cabal
of leading United States senators pur-
poses to undermine President Roose-
velt's popularity by defeating his avow-
ed policies is trpey here's betting that
the people will put the ffxings TO the
certain leading senators and that
Roosevelt's popularity win increase
Hutchinson News.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-12-30

Since the railroads leading into Wash
ington have decided to abolish passes,
the railroad rate question does not be-
gin to agitate congress as much as the
railroad pass question
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-12-30
WHY2

Why did F. Dumont Smith want Dis
triet Attorney Dean to let him know if
the grand jury got after him? Did
Smith know that he had done something
culpable that he was afraid would be
found out? 1t certainly has queer
look. But it may be the normal condi-
ton of a politician to expect trouble
Wichita Beacon. We confess to the
same confusion. Smith evidently an
ticipated his Indictment at the hands
Of the grand jury. Why did he expect
the indictment ?-Leavenwor Times.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-12-30
WHAT CANNON SAYS.

Let us 90 forward said Speaker
Cannon in addressing the Republican
caucus. That sounds encouraging, but
if the tariff revisionists call upon him
for a speech. he will probably exclaim:
81 ct US stand pat.''-WashinEto Post.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-12-30

trouble with a grand jury. while the
jury undoubtedly does DO much to pro-
tect the innocent from unjust accusa-
tons and to bring the guilty to punish
rreuf
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-12-30

Very likely No. 2s Wall street is
awaiting what Mr.. Garfield has to say
on the subject of Standard Oil with
just as much interest as are the peo-
pie Of Kansas.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-12-30
CATCHTNC CRIMTNAIs

Let's was caught in Panama quite as
easily as he could have been caught in
San Francisco or Blew York. The sys-
TEN by which the officials trace and
capture offenders is little short of mar
velous.-Lawrence World.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-12-30

If all the railroads leading into Wash
ington actually cut of all passes. some
Of those estimable gentlemen whom we
think represent us there will either have
to walk or else use their mileage for
mileage purposes.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-12-30

Fred Trigg believes the announcement
on Christmas Day Of a 55 per. cent divi-
dend by the First National bank proves
the existence of a real Santa Claus be-
yond the shadow of doubt
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-12-30
DISCUSSIONS IN KANSAS.

Senator Longs attitude on the rail-
road rate question has finally been de-
termined and Kansas viii have an op-
portunity to fall back on a discussion
of the indictments against Senator Bur
ton and Senator Smith, two famous
boss busters.-Iola Record.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-12-30
NOT A WILLING VICTIM.

Whatever may be thought Of Mr..
Ryan's financial methods. it will be
agreed that Mr.. Hartman made a bad
selection in looking for someone to
sandbag.-P North Ameri-
can.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-12-30

Now that congress is in session, the
name of Cannon sticks out boldly in
big type but isn't there a person
named Fairbanks employed in some
capacity down there New York
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-12-30
THE TROUBLE WITH RUSSIA.

INC WUII9 SYMPATHY TOT uOWn-LTOU-
den Russia seems to have been largely
wasted. The ignorant people over there
don't recognize liberty when they see
it, and apparently their most exalted
notion of freedom is license to burn,
kill, and destroy.-Fort Scott Republi-
car.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-12-30

Count witte used to fuss about
Portsmouth being a warm place last
summer, but he has discovered that
there are hotter places in Russia, even
in December
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-12-30
SOME FIGrRFS.

The independent refners have saved
the people of Kansas one million dol
lars in the price paid for kerosene oil
alone, the past year. Is not that an
item worth striving for ?-Cherryvale
News.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-12-30

Nick Longworth plays the fiddle. but
he will find that in the matter in which
he is about to become involved the fd-
dIer viii have to pay somebody else.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-12-30

Moscow. recalls that it once had a
little blaze something like a hundred
years ago that made things quite as
exciting there as they are at present.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-12-30

The new senator from Oregon was
born in prairie schooner while his
parents were crossing the plains to
Oregon That ought to be just about
as good as being born in a log cabin.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-12-30

Being seized with a prophetic mood.
the Parsons sun looks forward to the
next Republican state. convention and
foresees that Fred Dumont Smith viii
not be the man who is chosen to place
q hand-painted halo above the classic
features of Edward w. Koch.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-12-30

The Leavenworth Post eonfesses that
Ct is dizzy from watching the Lawrence
newspaper situation. You wouldn't
suppose a Post would get dizzy. would
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-12-30

Come to think about it. wasn't the
alleged statement of DR.. Osler a pretty
small thing to make fuss about?
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-12-30

The kansas Land Frauds" will
break out in the Februarv magazines.
The World Today announces that it
viii have an article on that subject in
its next number by E. s. Cowdrick.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-12-30

The President is reported to be
down in Virginia. taking vigorous ex-
ercise. Is the senate also getting
ready for the fray?
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-12-30

Must be pretty crowded in the New
York stock exchange, with seats selling
at $4,000.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-12-30
ION M'NEAL,S IIMITATIONs.

Tom McNeal can't save his hair, but
he can save the state money, it seems,
inasmuch as his report for the last
quarter shows a saving of s5,0OO.-Leav-
enworth Post.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-12-30

The signs seem to indicate that the
year of our Lord 1906 will be d pretty
hard one for the CRATER.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-12-30

1t is peculiar how much the Kansas
City Journal can see wrong in Cover
nor Folk when it has never been able
to see a thing wrong with Tom Kelly.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-12-30

BY the by. It is alleged that there IS |
an American millionaire behind the
times If this be true it is a position
in which an American very seldom
finds himself.-Punch.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-12-30
Turv OIrcHT no KNOW

The dictionary people have asked
Governor Folk to define the word
graft. The politicians and McCurdy
win certainly feel hurt over this APP
parent light.4Phila delphia Tele-
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-12-30

There were very few Christmas tree
fires this year In other words. we
seem to have had a safe and sane
ChrIstmae.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-12-30

We had some nice pleasant days last
winter also-but do --ou remember what
we got along in January?
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-12-30

Governor Hoch probably thinks that
W. w Rose by any other name would
talk as bad.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-12-30

santo Domingo just couldn't let 1905
60 without revolving at least once
more.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-12-30
HITNTERg AND Hunted

Maine hunters this year killed more
game and fewer of each other than
for many seasons. By thse tactics it
is hoped the supply of hunters will last
as long as the deer.=Omaha Bee.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-12-30

That Russian revolution seems to
have more lives than the proverbiaI
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-12-30
IMAGES

Hold carriers are better paid than
school teachers, say the official returns
eight thousand inhabitants.-El Do
RADIO Republican.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-12-30

Notwithstanding the denunciation Of
the grand jury system, 1t seldom hap
sens that an innocent man gets into-
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-12-30
WHERE TILLMAN IS RIGHT.

There mas Seldom DeeH q tIIne When
Mr.. TiIman was not morally certain
that something was wrong with some
thing .-Washington Star.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-12-30

what do you expect 1906 to bring to
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-12-30
ERON OTHER PENS


AT THE RINK.
Pick her up tenderly,
Lift her with care;
Replace all the hairpins
And combs in the hair:
The rollers rolled sideways
As quick as a wink;
And-my! but the floors hard
Out at the rink
Houston Post.
IF STOLEN MONEY WE'RE A BAR
There are men who love dollars sim
ply for the sound of their Jingle and
others who seek riches simply for the
power they bring, but the great mass
of those who are trying to roll up for
tunes are in pursuit of the social privi-
leges that wealth affords. If it were
plain to all these last that stolen money
was a bar, not a hoist; that to be a.
thief was to forfeit ones chance to
enter the coveted circles, then the real
remedy for the rot that has spread so
wide would be at hand. But there are
precious few signs of any such senti-
ment.-Hartford Courant.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-12-30
SKFTHTONS.

Some workmen dug up a skeleton at
Topeka the other day and the entire
town is wild with excitement. And
well they should be. If all the 'skele-
tons around the state house are dug
campaign, the excitement viii likely
extend from the city limits of Topeka
to every corner of the state. By all
means, let those skeletons alone
ConeyvilIe Record.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-12-30
KANSAS cOANEHT
RussIA.s soLDIERs.

RUSSIA'S SOLDIERS.
Our soldiers thought their S13 a
month was just about nothing. but it
is truly q. munifcent income when
compared with S1.35 per year of the
Russian soldiers, which has been
raised to So a year since the loyalty of
the army is the last prop left to the
government The minute that fails
the government falls.-Jewell Repub-
lican.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-12-30

Tess-Yes. Mr.. Grouchy called upon me
last evening
lesson, the idea! He's a perfect bear.
isn't hep
Tess-O. I don't know. He didn't hug
so hard.-PhIladelphi Press
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-12-30

MY husband has asked me not to buy
him any Christmas present this year"
Are you going TOT"
"Oh. yes. I need some things that can
not get any other way.''-Cleveland Lead
err
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-12-30

That's the principal creditor. The banir-'
rupt is the man with the fur orarcoat
and diamonds. ''-Philadelphia Ledger
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-12-30

Nora-Thor's tramp ut tn gate, num-
avn he says he is Impecunious.
Mistress-And what did you tell him.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-12-30

''They say the Eskimos are q very ab-
stemious people"
Never make night of it, eh?"
Most assuredly not. A man couldn
very well stay out for six months. -
Louisville Courier Journal.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-12-30

WilIie-Mamma. dreamed last ni@tt
that papa gave me a bicycle Tor Christ
mas and you gave me a watch.
Mamma-But. Willie, you know dreams
go by contraries.
WiIIie-Then you will give me the bicy-
Gle and papa the watch.-Town and Coun-
try.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-12-30

Johnny-Come in. Sisters expectin'
you.
Johnny-She's been sleepin' all the af-
ACKNOWLEDGEMENT Leader.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-12-30

ITS easy enough to pick out the bank
rupt." said the unsophisticated reporter
at the creditors Meeting
''Yes?" replied the other.
ives See how shabby and careless ha
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-12-30

Fortune-what's the matter. dear7 You
look excited.
II The new chambermaid complained Of
a headache. so I sent her upstairs. and
told her to take things easy She did.
She's gone off with all of my jewelry.-
Judge.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-12-30

Nora-Faith, OF towld him yez wor not
acQuaint wild inv wan by thot name.-Chi-
cago News.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-12-30

II hear that the new stars acting
brought down the house"
Yes it did. In one week it brought
down the house from eight hundred to
ten people and the ushers. Cleveland
Leader.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-12-30

why don't you cultivate the art of or
atory2"
my friend" answered Senator Sor-
ghun, ''oratory soothes the gallery to
slunber and reads well in the newspaper
but the kind Of talk that counts is that
which you read into a mans ear with
your hand graspinE his coal lapel
Washington Star.
The Glenwood post., 1905-04-08
On the Way to the West.

Harrisburg, Pa. April Al dor't
exactly say that need a rest, but
am going to take one in the open, un-
der Gods blue heaven" said President
Roosevelt to-day, standing on the plat
form of his special train and convers-
ing with Congressman Olmstead and
federal officials, in the presence of a
great crowd that gathered at the sta
ton TO meet. him. 1t was suggested to
the President tina. things would go
along smoothly if he We're absent.
"Oh, things will be all right" he
said. 81 have left Tcft sitting on the
lid, keeping down that San Domingo
matter"
Later he said: Il am going to have
an outing. | am going to get away
where l won't even think of a fourth.
class postmaster"
The Glenwood post., 1905-04-08
Coal Mine Explosion.

Benton. H., April 4.-Some fifty
miners were entombed yesterday in
Joseph Letters mine at Zeigler by
terrific explosion of gas, and it is
probable that thirty or more of the
buried men are dead. Thus far four
bodies have been foUrd The explo-
sion was due to thl fact that the
Letter mines are not worked on Sun
day, thus allowing gas to accumulate
in the lower workings.
When between thirty and forty
five miners had descended into the
mine yesterday to resume work, ter
rife explosion blew the timbers about
the mouth of the mine high into the
air. One of the steel cages was blown
to the surface from the bottom of a
500foot shaft. The shock of the ex-
plosion was felt at Benton, twelve
miles distaLE
The Glenwood post., 1905-04-08
Electric Railway Plans.

Pueblo. Colo, April Am electric
railway connecting Pueblo, Colorado
Springs, Florence and Cripple Creek
will be commenced within the present
month. it is claimed President
Thomas Robinson of the Florence
Electric Street Railway COMPANY
states that ground will be broken for
the road within the next two or three
weeks and the work will proceed with
out delay.
The first division, between Canon
City and Florence, will be completed
by October 1st. Portland will be on
this line. The company is incor-
porated for s2.7OO.OO0. with H. A Cook
of Florence vice president and Harry
Robinson of the same city secretary.
Passenger, express and freight traffic
will be handled.
1t is planned to touch all important
points in the Arkansas valley between
Florence and Colorado Springs, cover
ing a distance of seventy-fve miles.
All of the capital is to be furnished by
Colorado men and the promoters eN-
pect to complete the entire line with
little delay
The Glenwood post., 1905-04-08
Worlds Longest Tunnel Opened.

Rome, April 3.-The Simplon tunnel
the longest in the world. was inaugu-
rated yesterday morning when from
the Swiss and Italian sides the first
trains passed through, meeting at the
center, where there was the iron door
which originally prevented the over
flow of a torrent of hot water and
which was yesterday opened for the
first time.
There was a brief time spent in COM
municating through the door by means
of hammering, and finally the door
was knocked down amidst frantic ap-
plause and cries Of Long Live Switz-
erland" and Long Live Italy" Bands
played the Italian royal march and
the Swiss anthem. and the two parties
embraced and kissed each other.
Engineer Brandau, director of the
work on the Italian side, shook hands
with Engineer Rosemund, the director
of the work on the Swiss side, and the
Italian bishop Noveara embraced the
Swiss bishop Sien. The latter then
preached short sermon, in the course
of which he said:
THE church blesses progress"
In the name of God he then blessed
the tunnel.
The Glenwood post., 1905-04-08
New Canal Commission

Washington, April 4.-The person.
mel of the new Isthmian Canal Com
mission is as follows:
Theodore p. Shonts, chairman;
Charles E. Magoon, governor of canal
zone; John +. Wallace, chief engineer
Rear Admiral NJ. T. Endicott U. S. n. /:
Brig. Gen. Peter C. Haines, U. S. A.
(retired); Col. Oswald NJ. Ernst, en-
gineer corps, U. S. A.; Benjamin NJ.
Harrod.
The President has made an order
allowing a salary of $780, with trav-
cling expenses to each member of the
commission, and to the chairman of
the commission the additional compen-
sation of s22,5 to the chief engineer,
the additional compensation of $17,-
500. and to the governor of the zone,
the additional compensation of S1O,-
90. The head of each department is
allowed the use of furnished house
on the isthmus, and his travelling eX-
penses when travelling on the business
of the commission.
The total is $1O2, 500. The salaries
and allowances under the former com
mission amounted to 100000. The to-
tai compensation of the governor of
the zone and chief engineer are in ef-
feet unchanged.