The Ely miner. [volume] (Ely, Minn.) 1895-1986, 1905-07-28

right. but, when tried to descend, the
backset spxing would not work.
Imagine my feelings if you have
ever been on a high The spring posi-
lively refused to work. If held on,
| I'd go up perhaps to worlds unknown.
| If let go. I'd be dashed to pieces on
the rocks in Benderson's addition.
up, up I went. / began to expert
ence terrible pains in my Uranium" my
eyes bulged; my brain ratified like a
lawn mower; bright flashes of light
darted across my vision, and Is MILL
meters of my crimson tongue hung
out A band of steel seemed comp es-
sing my intellectual lobe; my frontal
region was all pain and confusion,
which gradually melted into dreamy
indifference and Inconsistencies.
when | awoke | was in strange
country, an unknown planet, perhaps
the kingdom of the Fool-Killer, at any
rate. Since then, have been confined
in a cage, the only sleeping accommo-
dations of which consist of large nail
upon which am expected to hang my
self each night.
perhaps l could sleep even there,
were it not for the proximity and aw-
full groans of the man who, upon earth.
used to occupy two seats in the crowd
ed cars, keeping tired travellers out by
sheer force of his dignity. His dignity
avails him but little now, for here they
stand him on his head as soon as the
no OF
morning
cit is pretty hard to sleep in the day.
time, on account of the punishment
that is inflicted upon the Beautiful
Snow poets. Every morning they a'c
chained in a row, and a reader, with
an accentless but stentorian voice,
reads over and over to them their
Beautiful Shows By way of variety
he reads backward half of the time.
This goes on until sunset. The Spring
and June and 'Silvery Moon poets
get only half aij much, and, in the al
coup for the next days reading.
1.-The midnight serenader is hung up
in a cage close to the top of the high
est turret, and made to sing, over and
over again, the songs he used to sing
to his lady fair, and everybody Wlo
has nothing else to do throws old boots
and clubs at him.
1.-THE man who said: I told you SOL!
has been hung. Always in life kick
er, he is still kicking as he swings.
Weather prophets are tied in pairs
and flung over a great clothesline to
fight.
"A band composed of bazoos and
bass drums, with a few tom-toms and
jim-jams, has been organized, and puts
in ten hours per day in serenading the
people who used to play the fife, fiddle
and piano. Hand-organ men are slain
at sight.
People who only planted when the
moon was right are kept on diet Of
skinned water.
"The airship and perpetual motion
cranks occupy cages next to mine. Tae
washing machine inventor has the en-
tire laundry work OF the kingdom
to do.
Every day committee takes oTt
the man who, on earth. was sort OF
walking collection of ills, FOR. which
he was always doping or dosing him
self, and they proceed to fill him to
the muzzle with the latest fads in pills
and nostrums.
"And so 1 might go On all day tell
ing of the retribution that regularly
befalls the unfortunates here. But
time passes, and the executioner is liza
BILE to be at hand at any moment. The
only thing that in measure, recon-
Giles me, is the fact that every one of
these people deserves all they can set,
and more, too. I've lived among them,
and ought to know.
Every now and then the Fool
Killer holds slaughter or immolation
day, during which he kills off number