Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1905-01-28

| little twist and he smiles like kid wit a
| new foot ball Now he says, "all you
has to do is to get away
I thinks he was getting funny wit me, but
| he says dat of course if a crook was took
! soft and gentle like dat he'd try to get
away. and l was to try like was crook
and cop had me by de lapel. Just to
please him 1 gives sudden, solid jerk for
| to loose meself, and
Honest when I next thinks of tings I was
| on me back, trying to coax some breat in
me body, and wondering had any neck at
all. Are you on? Easy as lying; all de lit
| tie Jap done was to hold his hand in de way
dat I'd force his knuckles in me own wind
pipe. De more tried to get away de more
his nice little hand sunk in me windpipe.
De stronger de man dat tries to duck jiu-
| jitsu. de woise he is up against it. Dat
trick Tommy shows me Is one of hundred
and fifty, and is de easiest of all. When he
put his nice. little, soft brown hand on your
wrist in a soitain way, and you try to get
loose. if you try hard enough you truns
your elbow out of joint: and his hand on
your arm will make you dislocate your
shoulder-if you try to get away. Now you
are getting wise, Ell? It's de muscle you
puts into de game dat puts you out of it.
hear dat de President Is going in for de
game. He should. 1t belongs to de simple
life he longs to lead. OATS no joke. It's
de simplest ting you know-when you know
it.
reads everything de President reads.
when l know what he reads, so when
hears lad on Sixt avenue giving de cry:
Here's your Simple Life recommended
by de President and writ by Wagner, de au-
tor of Parsifal,' only a. nickel, half dime,
here you are!' / pungles de price and sinks
de book in me kick to read dat night.
Say, dat Wagner is all to de good He has
de wisest coco on his shoulders dat ever
discovered great trutes 1t you're next to
his line of life you don't need nottin but
tree square meals day, good home, plen-
ty of golf and hockey and pint of beer
now and den to be perfectly happy
Listen. He says, in dis book I'm telling
you about, dat if we are always calm we
will never get excited. Can you beat dat?
Can you? LET not de small Affections of
life bodder you." ne says. Tor II dey 90
not bodder you, you are not boddered by
dem" Say, is dat great? Is it de limit?
What.
But dat isn't all he knows: He's top
liner and knows It all. DO not hold
man unhappy. and to be unhappy is to be
miserable. and to be miserable is to hold
malice; derefore," he says. do not hold
malice Is he willy-wonder? Tell me,
is he de champeen?
Dis mug Wagner is no frenzied finanseer.
Listen: Always pay for what you buy"
says dis great man, "and den you'll never
be in debt. To be In debt" he says, rs TO
bid goodbye to contentment, and to bid
goodbye to contentment is to see 1t no
more and without contentment where are
WEI" he says. "Derefore." says he, have
buy" Well, we'll! Dere isn't a school
teacher dat knows more dan dat great man.
It's a pity he didn't live at de start SOS
we'd all been happy from de beginning. He
knows de game at bote ends and de middle.
Make your home happy" he says. Fill
your home wit joy and happiness and healt
and peace and light and love and sweetness,
for !" says he, for dere Is no place like
home" Is he an inventor? Is he de whole
ting? Well, wonder!
BE good to your children" he says. 'Be
good and be just Be just good" he says.
IF you are good and just to your children.
and dey finds 1t out. dey will know it. Do
not tell 'em, do not boast. he says: but
tink how good 1t is to be good. and how
just to be just, and just be good. DE
poetry advertisements in de street cars
amt writ no better dan dat.
DO not strive for weait, ne says-mean-
ing long green take what comes to you
not enough it might be less dan 1t is. ana
be satisfied. Be simple and you VIII not
need weaIt'-meaning long green. DE SIM
pie life Is not run on a gold basis, but on
simplicity. Be simple. If you are not sat
isf1ed wit what money comes to you. you
will be dissatisfied: and If you are dissatfs-
fied you viii not be satisfied. Oh. he says.
i.oh, do not long for wealth Say, don't tell
me dere is anybody as wise as him-not
even de Judge In de Tombs has better
stuffed COCO dan dat mug Wagner. I'm
sorry he got no copyright on his book. Dey
say ne made q loud holler TO de President
dat he was being iim-fammed out OF q tou-
sand dollars every time ten tousand OF hts
books was sold here and he wanted 70