davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Charlevoix county herald., 1905-07-29

your bride-and you aren't-Oh! It's
SO funny!"
There was a peal Of laughter. but 1t
was smothered at sight of Dodden's
miserable face. He sank into a chair.
Then a great light burst upon him.
There flashed before him the incl
dent In the waiting room at M,
the prospective bridegroom and the
gay party that had come to wish him
god-speed. His trunk must have gone
earlier on the same train as his, Dod-
den's. The friends of the bridegroom,
instead of the bridegroom's trunk,
had by mistake decorated his-the
trunk Of Theodore Dodden, bachelor.
He saw 1t now. But 1t was too much.
too much. His friends quietly slipped
away. They expressed many regrets
for their error, but in the midst Of
the profuse apologies could be heard
stified feminine laughter.
Lett to himself, Dodden sat and
thought 1t all over. He probably ar.
rived at the conclusion that he had
reached the limit Of a bachelors hu.
miliations, and that there could be
no worst now.
Before he slept that night he wrote
letter to his brothers wife's sister,
very humbly asking her to become
Mrs Theodore Dodden.
Charlevoix county herald., 1905-07-29

But Not for the Adornment of His
Loving Wife.

But Not for the Adornment Of His
Loving Wife.
Henry Clews, the banker, talked at
a banquet about the danger of deceit.
"a New York woman" he said, saw
in a shop window on Fifth avenue a
collar of pearls that she liked.
She stopped her carriage and sought
out the shopkeeper.
What is the price she said, OF
that pearl collar in your window?
"'Six thousand dollars, ma'am,
said the shopkeeper, as he drew forth
the collar, and displayed its beauties
to the dazzled woman.
"She took out her checkbook.
"'Ill tell you what I'll do, she
said, III give you my check for three
thousand dollars, and I'll send my hus-
band to see the collar this afternoon.
Don't tell him it is six thousand; tell
him it is three thousand. Then may
be he will buy it for me-
"The jeweler bowed and smiled.
He had seen this sort of game played
many a time before
az wish you luck, madam" he said
and the lady departed.
''Her husband she found in his office
in a mood unusually tractable. He
had sold certain stocks at great
profit that morning. He consented
readily, therefore, to go and look at
the necklace.
THAT evening his wife dressed for
dinner with unusual care. She wore
her most beautiful gown. She dream
ed, as she dressed, of an affectionate
husband, clasping about her white
throat a collar of pearls.
"And 4 bought that pearl collar,
were the mans first words when he
got home.
"'You dear! she exclaimed. Let
me see It,
Cant he said. 4 had it sent to
my mother. You know it is her birth
day tomorrow San Antonio Elk
press.
Charlevoix county herald., 1905-07-29
No Whistiina on Board Shin.

A civilian on the quarter deck of
battleship was waiting to see an Off
GER, and to beguile the tedium of wait
ing began to whistle popular air
softly. He had not gone far when he
was requested to desist. Seeking a
reason for this rule. he was told that
whistling would interfere with boats
wain's calls. 1T isn't your single
whistle that would cause the trouble"
he was told, "but If whistling were al
lowed, there would be a chorus of II
going on most Of the time, and then
the boatswain's. whistle would stand a
poor chance of being heard"
Charlevoix county herald., 1905-07-29
HIS IDEA OF BANKRUPTCY,
Indian Native Evidently Had Had
Painful Experience.

native Of India, who had lost q
large amount of money through the in
solvency OF an English merchant, ex-
planned the English insolvency laws
as follows: I'm Burma the white man
who wants to become insolvent goes
into business, and gets lots of goods,
and does not pay for them. He then
gets all the money he can together,
say 10000 rupees Ga rupee is 33
cents), and puts all of it except 100
rupees away where no one can find it.
With the 100 rupees he goes to a Judge
OF the court and tells him he wants
to become bankrupt The Judge then
calls all the lawyers together, like
wise all the men to whom the white
man owes money, and he says: This
man Is insolvent, but he wishes to give
you all that he has got, so he has
asked me to divide this 100 rupees
among you ALL The Judge thereupon
gives the lawyers 80 rupees, and the
remaining 10 rupees to the other
men. Then the insolvent goes home
to England"
Charlevoix county herald., 1905-07-29

Theodore Dodden was travelling
salesman for the firm of s.
Brothers, wholesale dealers in dry
goods. Theodore Dodden, bachelor
that was the cognomen he always
himself. He would have had it en-
graved upon his cards had not the
Mr.. Theodore Dodden consumed the
available space.
Bachelorhood was Dodden's real
profession. He gloried in it. He lived
for it-made fine art of it. If any
new acquaintance chanced to remark,
''Never been married. sir?" the reply
was given as though the question had
been, Ever been In the penitentiary,
sir?" You could never offer a more
irremediable insult to Dodden than
to intimate the possibility Of his hav-
ing ever dreamed of that step of con-
summate idiocy.
Whether he ever formulated a
philosophy of the universe under a
regime of bachelorhood, l cannot say.
l have suspected at times that he was
at work on something Of the sort. At
any rate, it was his firm conviction
that every wise man kept his bark of
life clear of the rocks and shoals of
matrimony. Dodden had a good many
friends and acquaintances among the
fools of earth, that is, the married
men, but in his presence they were
all made to feel the infinite superiority
of his wisdom. Dodden knew every
skeleton in the closets of these vari-
Gus fools of his acquaintance. The
hollow rafting of their spectral mem
bers and their ghostly grinnings were
a pleasant part of his after-dinner pipe
dreams. And every divorce case
Dodden kept a complete record of
them-was a public triumph of the
principles of Theodore Dodden, bache-
lor.
But there came at last to him
certain fiery ordeal, that changed the
course of his life, d-presumably-
altered some vital opinions of his.
Dodden had been to the town of
M spending one of his rare vaca-
tions with his married brother. 1t
might be mentioned that the parent
stock of the Doddens had only pro-
duced one Theodore, bachelor. All
his brothers and sisters had gone the
way of all the earth, that is, got mar
ried. Dodden had spent fairly en-
joyable week and was sitting in the
depot waiting for the train that was
to carry him back to his jolly bache-
lor quarters. His visit had furnished
him some matter for thought. And he
was q little surprised at the persist
ency with which the piquant face of
his brothers wife's sister came up be-
fore his sedate bachelor minds eye.
He decided to take a turn on the
platform. Before he could carry out
his purpose, however, he found him.
self, for the moment, otherwise di-
verted. The quiet waiting room had
been invaded by gay party of young
people. They were in high spirits,
indeed, were even boisterous. Dodden
thought, and he soon observed that
Charlevoix county herald., 1905-07-29

The Union Pacific Railroad Pas
senger Department has put before the
public a folder of the Lewis e Clark
Exposition at Portland. 1t Is wonder
fully neat and attractive, colors hav-
ing been employed in the printing
Contents embrace a very complete de-
scription of the exposition and its at
fractions, including a birds-eye view
Of the beautiful grounds and build
ings, done in numerous colors. Scenes
In and around Portland are strikingly
portrayed, and all contemplating
visiting the exposition this summer
should have copy of the folder in
order that they may know of points
where the greatest enjoyment and sat.
isfactiOn may be found.
Charlevoix county herald., 1905-07-29
MARKETING POTATO CROPS.

In line with the classic case of tho
oyster shippers. cited by President
Hadley of Yale University In his book
or Railroad Transportation, is the case
of the Aroostook potato growers
brought by President Tuttle OF the
Boston and Maine Railroad becoie tho
Senate Committee on Interstate Com
merce. Nothing could better show
how a railroad works for the interest
of the localities which 1t serves.
A main dependence of the farmers
of the Aroostook region Is the potato
crop, aggregating annually eight to
ten million bushels, which find mar
ket largely in Boston and the adjacent
thickly settled regions OF New Eng
land. The competition of cheap water
transportation from Maine to all points
along the New England coast keeps
railroad freight rates on these pota-
toes always at very low level.
Potatoes are also a considerable out
put of the truck farms of Michigan,
their normal market being obtained In
and through Detroit and Chicago and
other communities of that region.
Not many years ago favoring sun
and rains brought a tremendous yield
Of potatoes from the Michigan fields.
At normal rates and prices there
would have been a glut of the custom
ary markets and the potatoes would
have rotted on the farms. To help
the potato growers the railroads from
Michigan made unprecedentedly low
rates on potatoes to every reachable
market, even carrying them In large
quantities to place SO remote as Bos-
ton The Aroostook growers had to
reduce the price on their potatoes and
even then could not dispose of them
unless the Boston and Maine Railroad
reduced its already low rate, which it
did. BY means of these low rates,
making possible low prices. the potato
crops of both Michigan and Maine
were finally marketed. Everybody
eat& potatoes, and that year every
body had all the potatoes he wanted.
While the Michigan railroads made
rates that would have been ruinous to
the railroads, had they been applied
to the movement of all potatoes at all
times, to all places, they helped their
patrons to find markets then. The
Boston and Maine Railroad suffered
decrease in it's revenue from potatoes,
but it enabled the Aroostook farmers
to market their crop and thereby to
obtain money which they spent for the
varied supplies which tn railroads
brought to them. II the making Of
rates were subject to governmental
adjustment such radical and prompt
action could never have been taken,
because it is well established that il
a rate be once reduced by railroad
company it cannot be restored through
the red tape of governmental proce.
dure. If the Michigan railroads and
the Boston and Maine Railroad had
been subjected to governmental limi-
tation they would have felt obliged to
keep up their rates as do the railroads
of France and England and Germany
under governmental limitation and let
the potatoes rot. E hdn1e.
Charlevoix county herald., 1905-07-29
Good Thina to Know.

A writer, discussing the lost art OF
early rising, says: "The proper time
to rise is when sleep ends" That's a
good thing to learn. Do you know, If
we hadn't seen that in paper, we
should have gone on believing that the
proper time to rise was when you were
right in the midst of your soundest
sleep. What blessed thing 1t is for
this blind old world that there are
some men in 1t who know nearly ev.
erything!
Charlevoix county herald., 1905-07-29

"Where Is she-your Wife?"
as his most intimate friends with
their wives and sweethearts. He saw
that his den beyond had been turned
into dining room, and a table was
spread there, sparkling as for a feast.
Dodden could scarcely believe his
eyes, when he saw his modest apart
ments turned into this place of gai-
ETY..
Peterson rushed out to meet him.
But something at sight Of Dodden's
face made him stop short, perplexity
and surprise changing on his face.
'Why, old boy" he cried. where's
the-the lady?"
THE lady!" gasped Dodden.
Eyes, the lady," repeated Peterson.
BY this time number of the others
had come forward, and Dodden found
himself the center of a questioning
circle.
where is she-your wife?"
Dodden had a queer sensation in
his throat. Then it seemed to go to
his knees. He thought he must be
acy. He could not decide upon the
stand he ought to take. A cold sweat
started out on his forehead. He stag
gered and made clutch at the ban
listers.
MY wife! Why, Peterson-Long-
worth-ladies-you know l have no
wife,"
NOW, Mr.. Dodden, you are playing
a joke on u.s." said a reproachful
feminine voice. where have you left
her? You may as well confess. We
know all about it."
Theodore Dodden, bachelor, stood
in their midst, quite white, and col.
lapsed.
my friends" he said in a weak,
trembling voice 81 swear to you, do
not know what you mean. there
has evidently been a mistake. have"
with an attempt at dignity, II have
always been a bachelor"
Dodden's honesty and his wretch
edness were not to be doubted. AS
tonishment swept over the party.
There was dead silence, then Pc
terson said: "But your trunk, Dod-
den, how do you account for your
trunk?"
81 am not aware that there is any
thing the matter with it." said Dod-
den.
Heavens, mani" cried Peterson.
selling his arm, come and see it."
Dodden, still in maze, allowed
himself to be led to where his trunk
had been deposited in the afternoon.
He gazed at IL mutely. Fastened to
its sides were two large placards on
which, in glaring letters that could
be read block off, were the words.
MAKE way for Hymen," and Behold,
the Bridegroom Cometh." 1t was
further adorned by motley array of
old shoes Of all sizes and descriptions.
you see old fellow. we thought
there really does seem to be a mis-
take"
I'VE thought you were married" in
terrupted merry voice, "and we
planned a little surprise for you and
Charlevoix county herald., 1905-07-29
WANTED TO SLEEP
Curious That Tired Preacher Should
Have Such Desire.


A minister speaks Of the curious ef-
feet of Grape Nuts food on him and
how 1t has relieved him.
You will doubtless understand how
the suffering with indigestion with
which | used to be troubled made my
work an almost unendurable burden,
and why 1t was that after my Sabbath
duties had been performed, sleep was
a stranger to my pillow till nearly day.
light.
81 had to be very careful as to what
/ ate, and even with all my care l ex-
perienced poignant physical distress
after meals, and my food never salts
fed me.
"Six months have elapsed since
began to use Grape-Nuts food, and the
benefits I have derived from 1t are
very definite. l no longer suffer from
indigestion, and l began to improve
from the time Grape-Nuts appeared on
our table. find that by eating a dish
of it after my Sabbath work is done
(and | always do so now my nerves
are quieted and rest and refreshing
sleep are ensured me. feel that
could not possibly do without Grape
Nuts food, now that I know it's value.
It is invariably on our table-we feel
that we need it to complete the meal
and our children will eat Grape
Nuts when they cannot be persuaded
to touch anything else" Name given
by Postum Co.. Battle Creek, Mich.
There's a reason.
Read the famous little book, "The
Road to Wellville," in each pkg.
Charlevoix county herald., 1905-07-29
The Tie MAGNETIC.

"And now, darling" said the newly
accepted lover, tell me how you ever
came to be Attracted to such plain,
everyday man as myself? What could
you see in me to love?"
The beautiful girl blushed and look
ed down at the diamond sparkling on
her finger. WELL" she said at last,
hesitating.
"Yes, yes-what was it?" exclaimed
the impatient lover.
Because you tie your Ascots so
beautifully. never could make mine
look right. Will you show me how,
dear?"
Charlevoix county herald., 1905-07-29
iII-Gotten Wealth.

One sometimes, indeed, looking back
historically over the pious foundations
OF impious men, and observing also
how ill-gotten wealth in our own day
is spent in the building up of admira-
BILE institutions-one sometimes asks
ones self Is this the order of ma
ture? Is the tendency irresistible?
Are the contributions of evil men to
be the means of bringing about the
cessation of evil l?-Century.
Charlevoix county herald., 1905-07-29

! q lfEEE(NDO DODMlRl ODMglRl DODul
! DEYEE9e DA@M][lgE III gll!@(DgElas @D@ls \
a9 8 6 81 3YN& A%fMIzzM2T q So 8 GM
Copyright. 1905. by Daily Story Pub Coz
; b. or -A|lZzz2T

been sent up early in the afternoon
as directed-it having come In by an
an earlier train-he made his way
toward his bachelor rooms. He was
surprised to find them brilliantly
lighted, but supposing his man want
ed to give him cheerful reception,
he thought little of it. His astonish-
ment grew when he mounted the
stairs and the door of his sitting
room was thrown open, showing
brilliant scene within. In the room
were groups of men and women, who
turned with eager and joyous faces
toward the open door. Dodden. non
plussed as he was, recognized them
Charlevoix county herald., 1905-07-29

their laughing banter was directed
toward a particular young man, who
apparently had no recourse but to
take their badinage in perfect good
humor And quite merciless they were
to the helpless but beaming prospect
i've bridegroom. for such Dodden soon
guessed him to be. Dodden had seen
enough of bridal parties and pros
pective bridegrooms in his time, so he
left the waiting room and took his
projected stroll outside. In a moment
the scene was forgotten. He board
ed his train when IL came. and ar
rived in town In tho early dusk.
After seeing to a few business af-
fairs. and finding that his trunk had
Charlevoix county herald., 1905-07-29
Lox,e IS All

When the prize has been won at last
And the laurel is on the brow,
When the struggle and strife are past
IL will not matter. 1 vow,
What honor we're called to share
III love be not there. not there.
When we touch the goal at the end
And the race has at last been run,
When the plaudits through the air as
cend.
Proclaiming the victory won,
1t shall not matter what crown we wear
IL love be not there. not there.
For the wreath is naught without love.
And fame Is paltry thing.
And the prize Is but blessed from above
When love is the hope and spring,
For all triumph is only despair
II love be not there. not there.
Chicago Chronicle.
Charlevoix county herald., 1905-07-29
Here Is Relief for Women.

Mother Gray, a nurse in New York,
discovered pleasant herb remedy for
women's ills, called AUSTRALIAN
LEAF Cures female weaknesses, Back
ache, Kidney, Bladder and Urinary
troubles. At all Druggists or by mail
soc. Sample mailed FREE. Address,
The Mother Gray Co., Leroy, N. Y.
Charlevoix county herald., 1905-07-29
Chinese Bride Seekers Flourish,

The Chinese, along with the Turks,
believe that unmarried folks lead a
most selfish existence. Anxious as
they are to see their sons and daugh.
ters we'll settled they never negotiate
a marriage. they leave this to the
bride seekers. who carry on flourish,
ing business.
Charlevoix county herald., 1905-07-29
GETS $s2, 500 for picture.

Vienna is angry because Count
Schoenbrun has sold Rembrandt's
Samson and Delilah" to the city Of
Frankfort. Frankfort paid $S2,500 for
1t. The picture was bought for $50
by one of the counts predecessors.
who saw 1t being used In the market
place as the canvas awning for
petty stallholder's wares.
Charlevoix county herald., 1905-07-29
An Error in Judqmen Mt.

Mr.. Slimsky-"I don't believe the
city water is safe. I notice it has a
clouded appearance this morning and
tastes sort -milky-and-"
Mrs. Starvem-"That glass contains
milk, Mr.. Slimsky; the water is at
your left. And, by the way, your
board bill was due yesterday. y."-Cleve
land Leader.
Charlevoix county herald., 1905-07-29
The Secret Out.

That poet didn't make dollar out
or his great epic poem"
Exactly"
"And his Ode to America fell dat."
That's what"
We'll, how is 1t he rides in an auto
mobile now?"
my friend, he's the author OF pop
ular song entitled. My Honey's Black
Ez de Chimbly-Back, Jump Jim-Crow
In de Observation-Disclosures Constitu-
tion.
Charlevoix county herald., 1905-07-29
Taking Down the Swelling.

This hats too small for me-" said
the man who had come into sudden
prominence; "Ill have to have it ex.
changed for larger one."
"Ah!" exclaimed the halter "You
haven't read to-day's issue of the
morning Wasp. have you?"
mo. Why?"
Just read what it has to say about
you. think that will fix you" ."-Phila
delphia Press.
Charlevoix county herald., 1905-07-29
Limit to Their Credulity.

Kansas editors are skeptical. An
exchange asked What do you think
of an artist who painted cobweBs on
a ceiling so naturally that the hired
girl wore herself into an attack of ner.
vous prostration trying to sweep
them DOWN." Most of the editors say
that there may have been such an
artist, but there was never such a
hired girl.-Kansas City Journal.
Charlevoix county herald., 1905-07-29
Too Much "kiustlinu.v

We work too nervously. Also we
play too hard. Strenuousness has been
over preached. Is it not time to en-
ter a plea for good, old-fashioned leis-
ure?-New York Public Opinion.
Charlevoix county herald., 1905-07-29
Showing Wifelv Devotion.

The Dahomians greet their husband
with wonderful dignity; they PROSTATE
themselves. throw sand on their heads
and never think of rising until their
husbands make the command. The
Tongans are more strenuous in their
expression; they tear their hair and
even beat their breasts.
Charlevoix county herald., 1905-07-29
Forced to Change His Mind.

"Timmins, I'm going to have to re.
duce your salary till business gets a
little better"
well, l see I'll have to smoke
cheaper cigars
Cheaper than those you now user"
Yes, blamed sight cheaper"
"Well-er-say, | guess I'll econo-
miZe some other way"
Charlevoix county herald., 1905-07-29
Room for Grave Doubt.

Tommy guess MT. Roxley amt as
rich as people think. You said he
didn't have to work, but could jest
go round enjoyin' himself wherever
he pleased.
Jimmy-So he kin.
Tommy-Well, he wasn't at that
dandy Sunday school picnic of ours
yesterday, an the tickets wuz only 25
cents.
Charlevoix county herald., 1905-07-29
Friendly ENCOURAGEMENT.

Pearl-All of their friends advised
them to elope instead of being married
in the regular way.
RUBY don't see why their friends
should care.
Pearl-Oh, yes. Elopers never ex
pect wedding presents.
Charlevoix county herald., 1905-07-29
Looking Out for the Family.

Sniggs-Aren't you working any
more? 1t seems that every time |
pass your house see you looking out
of the window.
Diggs-Well, some one has to loob
out for the family
Charlevoix county herald., 1905-07-29
Premium on sinaIe Life.

She-I see by this paper that sin.
gle Greenland whale is worth $4,000.
He-I judge from that statement
that a single whale is worth more
than a married one."
Charlevoix county herald., 1905-07-29
Same Results.

Philo Soffer-Is marriage a failure?
Finan Seer-Well, If you marry .
wealthy girl, it's almost as good
Charlevoix county herald., 1905-07-29
To the Last.

First Burglar-Bill wuz a burglar
antil he wuz sixty years old.
Second Burglar-Is dat so?
First Burglar-Yep, an de last ting
he took wuz chloroform.
Charlevoix county herald., 1905-07-29

Theodore Dodden was travelling
Iacn,an fN, tho 6rv, .e
Western liberal. (Lordsburg, N.M.) 1887-1919, 1905-03-03
Now York renement..

ut is surprising how many New
Workers there are who do not know
that they are living In tenement
houses" said one Of the inspectors Of
the tenement house commission. II
went into a tenement house in lower
Lexington avenue on an official visit to
inspect the plumbing. 1t Is one OF the
old houses of the downtown district
and not a tenement in anything but til,
official wording Of the law.
at want to inspect this tenement i
said to the woman who came to the
door Of the second floor apartment.
"'What did you call itT she de-
manded severely.
"I'm q tenement house Inspector !
explained, and the law says
'She did not let me get any further,
but burst in with: I'D have you know
this Is not a tenement. It's a respecta.
BILE apartment house.
81 knew my duty, and / had n look
at the plumbing in spite Of her pro.
tests. Finally, against her will, she
was convinced that 1t really was a ten
ement house under the law.
"'Well. Just wait till my husband
comes home she declared. Wen have
to move. Just think II 1t ever got out
that we were living in a tenement
house ana had to be snspectedV New
York Tribune.