Iron County register., 1905-08-31

we better sell our stock in the canal
and buy airship stock. And talk about
business, there is more tonnage goes
through the 500 canal, between Mich
igan and Canada, than goes through
the Suez. and we don't howl about it
very much.
Well, sir, | have studied Gibraltar
in my geography, and read about it
in the papers, and seen its pictures in
advertisements, but never realized
what big thing it was Now, who
ever thought of putting that enormous
rock right there on that prairie, but
God | suppose the English, when they
saw that rock, thought the good Lord
had put II there for the English to
drill holes in, for guns, and when the
Lord was busy somewhere else the
English smouged the rock away from
Spain. by playing a game with loaded
dice, and when England got it, that
country decided to arm it like a train
robber, and hold up the other nations
of the earth.
When a vessel passes that rock it
has to hold up it's hands and salute
the British flag, or get mess of hard
ware fired into it's vital parts, but that
is all it amounts to, cause it couldn't
win any battle for England and could
only sink trading vessels. The walls
of the rock are perforated from top
to bottom, with holes big enough for
guns to squirt smoke and shells, but
if the, enemy should stay away from
right in front of the holes, they might
shoot till doomsday, and never hit
| anything but fishing smacks and ped
dlers of oranges.
Gibraltar is like a white elephant in
geological garden. 1t just eats, and
keeps off flies with its short tail, and
visitors feed it peanuts, and wonder
what it was made for, and how much
hay it eats. Gibraltar is like 500
gold piece that a man carries in his
watch pocket for an emergency, which
he never intends to spend until he gets
in the tightest place in his life, and
it wears out one pocket after another,
and some day drops through on the
sidewalk, and tramp finds it and
goes on bat and gets the worth of
his money, and has a good time, if he
saves enough to buy bromo- -seltzer
the next morning after 1t is like the
| Russian war chest, that is never to
| be opened as long as they can borrow
money.
| If Gibraltar could be put on castors
and rolled around from one country
to another, England could whip all Eu-
rope and Asia. 1t would be Trojan
horse on a larger scale, and be ter
ror. but, say, if it got to America,
we wouldn't do thing to it. We
would run standpipe up the side, and
connect it with an oil pipe line, fill
Gibraltar's tunnels and avenues, and
magazines and barracks with crude Oil,
and touch match to it, and not an
Englishman would live to tell about it.
Gee, but would be sorry for the
Irish soldiers, but | guess they
wouldn't be there, cause they wouldn't
fight America.
| Well, if England ever has big war,
and she gets chesty about Gibraltar,
and says ii is impregnable, and de-
fies the world to take it, bet you ten
dollars it could be taken in "a hours.
Ii | was a general, or an admiral, |
would have about 40 tank steamers,
loaded with kerosene, and have them
land, innocent like. right up beside
Gibraltar. ostensibly to sell oil for
perfumery to the natives, who would
all be improved by using kerosene on
their persons. Then | would get on
a barrel. on deck of my flagship, and
command the English general to sur
render unconditionally, and il he re-