Smyrna times., 1905-01-04
JUST LIKE 4
MAN!
BY Belle MoniafeS
Copyright, 1904, by Belle Maniates


81 was just thinking of you, Billy. I
want to coach YOU
.What's on now?"
"Weve just had a letter from Aunt
Maria. our one and only rich relative.
and she is coming to visit u.s."
"And you want me to do the nice
thing and show her about, l suppose.
All right Count on me-" responded
Billy cheerfully.
NO, indeed, Billy; far from it. What
want particularly is that you should
i keep in the background during her Wis
it."
"Oh, of course, if you are ashamed
of me before your rich relatives" he
replied in offended tones.
wait. Billy, till l explain. Our
Aunt Maria is a widow and childless.
Naturally we are all posted ON her lit
tie peculiarities, of which she has
many. and are careful not to offend in
( any way There are so many subjects
4 that are tabOOed that l never can
+ coach you on them all before she ar
riveS, 50 when you meet her you must
keep as quiet as you can and only
/ speak when spoken to-" interrupted
I Billy. like Il good little boy. TIL try to
remember my childhood precepts, but
( am of the opinion your Aunt Maria
q will mink her niece is not going to
make very brilliant match. If 1
don't speak, she'll think me a regular
( stick"
"It's far better she should think that
THAI to have you win her dislike by
saying the wrong thing. You know
4 you haven't much tact, Billy. l am
glad of it. \ tactful man seems effem-
mate
That's right! Put some sugar on
the medicine" he muttered reproach-
fully
But there is one subject, Billy, you
must not mention as you value your
life, your reputation and my friend
ship. DO you think you can remem-
ber?
n I'll try awfully hard. What is it?"
ITS cOrns."
"Corns?
Yes. You see, when Aunt Maria's
husband was pOOr-befOre he struck oil
in Texas-he was chirOpOdist. Aunt
Maria has always seemed ashamed of
that fact, and we were always caution
ed not to say a word along those
lines
We'll, I'll try not to tread on her
toes"
oh. Billy" eXpostulated Mabel.
"When is she coming?"
Tomorrow. Come up in the evening
and CALI
The following day Billy went about
4 ruefully studying a little memorandum
he had written out and kept constantly
repeating to himself, Mustn't say
cOrns." Consequently when he ap-
peared at the home of his fancee that
evening and was presented to Aunt
Maria the only topic in his thoughts
was corns. He replied to all her ap-
prOaches toward conversation in mono
syllables. Finally there came a pro-
longed and deadly lull, and Billy, after
racAing his brains for something to
say, blurted out:
Did you ever read Bunyan's Pill
grim's Progress?
"Oh, Billy" family gasped Mabel.
The withering looks from the other
members of the family and the feeling
that he had made himself generally
disliled caused Billy to bring his call
to an abrupt termination. The next
day Mabel telephoned him to meet her
In the park.
Billy" she cried as soon as she saw
him, Il know you so well that l know
how it happened, but mamma and the
girls are furious at you and declare
you did it on purpose, and l guess,
Billy, you had better not come again
until Aunt Maria has gone and the
family is cooled down."
Billy groaned.
"You didn't say anything about bun
ions"
1T would have done no good if
had"
what did your aunt say about me
anything?
She asked what your DuSIheSS "dS'
What did you tell her|'
81 told her you were only through
college and had not yet decided what
to 90 into"
"IIow long will she stay?
& "a week 1t will be the longest one
ever put in. We must say gOodby until
she goes. 1t will never do to meet you
this way again. They would be sure tc
hear Of it."
Just as you say" he replied discon
sOlately.
After they had parted Billy walked
Slowly downtown. Suddenly lie saw
Aunt Maria coming toward him. There
was no escape. A fiashlight of inspira
ton, born Of desperation, burst upoI
Billy and he determined to make
brilliant coup. When he came up Z
the elderly lady, who was laden VIII
bundles Of every size and description
ne stopped, lifted his hat and asked L
he might not carry her bundles for he