The San Francisco call., 1905-05-30
OCEAN TRAVEL
HUMORS.

Nv IHEN the tourist tide sets in heav-
Wily for Europe the trials of an
ocean liner captain and his chief
steward increase. Both require large
stock Of patience and diplomacy to
handle the complaints which are reg
istered daily in their presence. These
are OF every conceivable nature. The
inexperienced traveller who learns that
he has made bad selection in his
cabin complains because the passenger
agent from whom he purchased his
ticket did not advise him to better ad-
vantage. Then there is the woman who
OBJECTS to the bands playing outside
her portfolio, and the man who insists
that one concert a day is not enough
Not at all unusual is the man who
brings on board the ship enough milk
and cream from his dairy to last him
during the entire voyage. He insists
that his valet be permitted to visit the
cold storage room each day and make
sure that his private stock is being
properly used and cared for. One chief
steward recently had regular tilt
with a woman who insisted upon using
her own German coffee pot with an al
cohol lamp, no matter what the weather
or what dangers it's use entailed for
the passengers who sat at the same ta-
bic with her
One Friday at luncheon on boat
which serves an elaborate array OF
cold buffet dishes an irate passenger
demanded to know why the greater
part of the made dishes were composed
OF fish. That night after dinner
party of Episcopal clergymen waited
on the captain and complained that
only one fish dish and fish chowder
had been served for dinner.
The man or woman who makes the
greatest trouble for the captain Is he
or she who has saved money for years
to make this trip and wants to be sure
of. getting the moneys worth. Not
long ago an Italian liquor dealer who
frankly admitted that eighteen years
before he had left his native land in
the steerage was returning to Naples
on palatial ocean liner. His wife did
not like the slow service of the dining
salon, and he insisted that all her
meals be served either in her cabin or
on the deck, though she was perfectly
able to go TO the table. One day she
was eating luncheon on deck, and an
invalid who occupied the next deck
chair ordered broiled chicken from the
grill room. The Italian woman looked
disdainfully at the fricasseed chicken
served from the regular luncheon
menu, and when her husband came on
deck she complained that she had been
Disseminated against by the deck
steward.
One of the most unreasonable COM
plants ever registered with the chief
steward came from Chicago woman
who had engaged the stewardess to
dress her hair each night for dinner.
One afternoon terrific storm arose
and that night only fifty out of some
four hundred and fifty passengers ap-
peared at the dinner table. After din
ner the Chicago woman appeared be-
fore the chief steward, complaining
that the stewardess had failed to keep
her hairdressing appointment and she
had been subjected to the annoyance
of having to arrange her own coiffure
under most trying circumstances. And
even when the steward explained that
his subordinate had had over twenty
five seasick women passengers on her
hands the Chicago dowager refused to
be pacified and vowed she would cut
the tip she promised the stewardess,
a threat which she carried out faith
fully when the boat docked at South
ampton.