The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-11-11
HUMOR OF THE Day

HUM0R OF THE Day
Now. Mickey" said the teacher. 'ten
me what you know Of Nelson, the great
you're mixed, num-" promptly re-
sponded Mickey. "sharkey is de hghtin
srit'. "-Phnadelphia Bulletin.
Tess-Mr DumIey's just the meanest
man. He told me last evening he "a teach
me how to whistle if I'd quicker I'D my
Jesse! that old schemel Then he kiss
ressZNo, the stupid thingl He didn't
kiss me at an--Philadeiphia Press.
How DID you enjoy MRS. AS reception.
"oh. splendid! I never saw such fall
ure.''-Boston Transcript.
i've lost all faith in my watch. It
won't keep time any more.
Then it's not faith you want but
works. Cleveland Leader.
"ro what extent do you believe in sim
1By never indulging in those things that
you do not care for. "-Milwaukee 6enti-
DR.. Jones--Well, we doctors have many
friends in this world.
otheT.-Cleveland Leader.
Dashawax-Do you love that girl as
much as you think you do?
Cleverton-Why, old man, love her
almost as much as she thinks I do
Lille.
Father-But am afraid he is young
man Of tickle character.
Daughter-Oh, no, he isn't papa. Why,
he has smoked the same brand Of cigar
cites fol nearly six mOnths.-New Yorker.
Every man for himself and the devil
take the foremost--Life.
The woman-NOl But I can be a sister
The Man-An right. Can your sister
down, ana III propose to her at once
Cleveland Leader.
Neu-so. she's got a real lover7
Belle-Oh, no. Indeed.
Nell heard she had.
Belle-oh. no; she says he's her IDEAL
/ Philadelphia Ledger.
Borroughs-say, old man. there was a
| time when you promised to share your
last dollar with me.
down to it yet.-Philadelphia Catholic
Yes. she wants her alimony IN
creased .s94zt5. p.
again and wants the money for her lf tr Sii
seau."-CIeveland Plain Dealer.
DR.. Thirdly-I am sorry to mention It.
sir, but I saw you talking during my SER
Mr.. Sheepton-First time ever knew
talked in my sleep.-Cleveland Leader.
,., when Kissed you why did you clap
II knew that. Brother Willie was listen
ing at the folding doors Cleveland
Plain Dealer.
Miss Thuttyfore-Auntie, do you think
1t is justihable to marry man to reform
Elderly spinster-well, if you feel that
yo you. We lust got to marry somebody. Ara
as any.-Cleveland Leader.
Elderly sportsman-Herel Hi!You young
cub, didn't I give you a shilling to catch
Young chawbacon ION animals back
and keeping at a distance)-Zoo ye did,
but It another 'arf-a-croWn now e be
ketched Punch.
IT told your constituents that you
would not touch penny Of tainted mon
ey, said the enthusiastic worker.
INA, 1Ial Tigtlt answered Senator Sor-
ghum, but as conscientious man I
must request you to confine your discus
about thousand-dollar bills ''-Washing-
ton Star.
Don't take it so hard. Mr.. Playnman. -
said the young woman mockingly. There
are other girls, you know There's I'M
. / Gumpl1ns, Sallie PlimbOrn, Kate Isnogles.
and Fan Billiwink. Any of them would
make a better wife for you than
''I know it, he said, swallowing a l,,mn
in his throat, and turning to go sfTf anv
one of those four girls had said yes, do
you suppose I would ever have Thought
of coming here for wife ?'-Chicago Tri-
bune.
Literary Lannigan(r eading)-FTe was an
intelligent an hard working man
, ! DoWngrade Gleason-Geet He must hai
had one o dem dual personalities
why don't you tell the voters what you
can do for them?"
That's the campaign orators busi.
ness, answered Senator Sorghum I'm
busy figuring on what the voters can ~
for me- '-KVashington Star.
TITS really distressing to think" said
the wealthy Mr.. Farrasy, that MANI
very common and ignorant people will be
w ell" replied Mr.. Cutting that mood
+ not worry you."-Philade1phfa Press
Jorl1ins-I do not suppose that there :.
a man living that could successfully forge
: nv name to cheQue and get it cashed
1 Morkins-Is your signature such q neon.
2 liar one? . P7Su'
Jorkins-No, but haven't any nsonav
q in bank.-Judge.
d POINTED PARAGRAPHS
: LFrom the Chicago News1
Optimism is generated by a good liver
l Busy men and ennui are not on sneak.
= ing terms.
mt