The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-08-21
PILGRIM JOE.
He Falls Into the Hands of the Phil
.-..rr istines and Out Again.


/ "A Weary tPiIgsrFJtii3f. travelling from afar,
seeking to soIace and comfort the sor-7
rerin' and unfortunate, and selling the
only original Pilgrim Pain Alleviator
(bewars of irnitations) cannot expect
to pass through this sinful world un-
scathed.
wish here to call public attention to
the fact that my AlIeviator can be kept
in a country grocery alongside of
bundle of salt Goldfish and will not be
tainted. A farmer can place the bottle
on top of a barrel of soft soap and it
will take care of itself. 1t may be
hung to the rafters in the garnet along
side of punches of catnip and sage with
out the slightest anxiety. When the
| bottle is empty 1T makes the best mis-
sile in the world to throw at a dog. Ask
| for the original and genuine and take
no other.
was amblin' along lords the enter
prism town of Last Chance, goodly
wad of the long green in my pocket and
Hope beatin' at the rate of six hundred
revolushuns mint in my breast, when
/ 1 overlook a humble and contrite lookin'
individual His legs was boed and his
| back was bent, and there was many
wrinkles in his beneficent countenance.
knew him for good man at once
| one who went about with no guile in
| his heart, and was ever ready to adj
wise his fellerman not to bet on gum
game.
.'Feller mortal, 1 greet thee" says L
| as I stopped my old boss and babe my
fightin' dog under the wagon to cease
his growlin.
And may peace be with thee" he re-
piled as he bowed low to me and per-
mitted soft and oily smile to light UP
his face -s-~
Doth the lamp of Virtue guide thy
wanderin' feet through devious paths ?''
Aye, she does. and by the looks of
you I should say that you long ago
took Integrity for your watchword''
That's what 1 did. and I've picked
up pound of fat week on it. Width
err bound?"
ITO the town of Last Chance. to
struggle with the mayor, who is a sim
full man and keeps race boss. hope
to wrastle with him until he agrees to
sell that boss at half price and devotes
the money to the grieyin and sufferin'.''
Then my heart warmed to the strang-
err and I took him in my arms and call
ed him brother and said it was happy
day that brung us together. We en-
tered into a heart-to-heart talk for
awhile and in the end agreed that if
The watermelon season could be made to
last six weeks longer humanity would
improve in goodness at least so per cent.
1 had got down. and we was strollin
up and down the sun-kissed sod with
our arms lovingly passed around each
other, when the old kuss suddenly haul
ed off and struck me blow on the chin
thar hoored me and put me to sleep. The
last thing / caught sight of when I
went down was an angelic smile playin'
tag over his paternal face.
When I awoke from my slumbers half
an hour had passed and I was alone on
the broad prairie. In the dim distance
the man who was guided by the lamp
of Virtue was disappearin' with the fol-
Ierin' effects belongin' to the undersign-
ed:
One tintype outfit drawn by an old
boss. CTypes taken at ten cents a
take).
One hghtin' dog with 80 victories to
his credit.
One grasshopper in pint bottle. He
is an orphan, and is treated with all
loVin' kindness.
Four gross of my celebrated Pilgrim
Pain Alleviator, the greatest remedy
for pains, scalds, burns. asthma, con-
sumption, kidney trouble, deafness,
eatarrh badness. tender feet. back
ache, bronchitis, and so on, ever COM
pounded by mortal man. At some flu
ture time may speak OF this justly
celebrated remedy more at length, but
just now am after the old rascal who
played me low down and gave my
faith in humanity "a great jar.
It seemed vainIess to pursue him on
foot. and yeti got, up and ambled