Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1905-04-15
ANOTHER NUISANCE

I'VE shall now. remarked the man with
the tightly compressed lips and the hard
gray eye-he was riding in from lexington
-''get the seasoned oak slap stick out from
the chest containing the punitive props.
and apply the same vigorously and joy
ously to the loutish frame of The Pinhead
Who Blocks the Car Aisle.
THE Pinhead Who Blocks the Car Aisle
is never deaf or blind. On the contrary.
in other circumstances he appears to be in
the normal possession and enjoyment of
all his senses. But when he is engaged
with ghoulish gioating giee, in blocking the
car aisle, he seems to be SO absolutely and
entirely wooden proposition that he could
serve as tobacconist.s front-door. sign
without makeup. feathers or fringed panta-
looms.
The Pinhead Who Blocks the Car Aisle
Is always the first man to board the car
after all the seats have been occupied.
When he finds all the seats occupied, he
takes up his immovable stand directly in
front of the rear door of the car, and pro-
ceeds to furnish realistic initiation OF
human being engaged In pouring rock salt
into the gaping wounds of his fellow men
and fellow women.
Il should state that he usually blocks the
car aisle most frequently at about 20 min
utes to 8, when folks in this town are maxi
ing for their Offices, and at 25 minutes to 8.
when folks in this town are trying to for
get what the word work means.
Taking up his stand directly in front
of the rear door Of the car, he clutches
strap with one hand, unfolds newspaper
with the other and proceeds to inwardly
gloat over the nuisance he knows he is
bound to make of himself as soon as other
people try to enter the car.
II have observed that The Pinhead Who
Blocks the Car Aisle is generally portly
feyh ~, DIV ,fora 400
or at least he seems Of those circumfer-
entail dimensions.
THE difficulties necessarily encountered
In squeezing by carcass of this size would
undertaken the herculean task, and if there
Is any resident of this town who hasn't
essayed passage around the burly form
of The Pinhead Who Blocks the Car Aisle.
then that resident has particular occasion
to add fervor to his or her prisons.
1.-THE whole attitude of The Pinhead Who
Blocks the Car Aisle is that of sullen de-
6ance. He roots himself to the spot, like
the young woman In the pinky novel who
thinks she sees the ghost of the mysterious
white lady in the castle. and when the oc-
casion arises, as the occasion does arise
every time anybody tries to get in or out
ly, as much as to declare that it'll take a
thirteen-inch rifle loaded with solid shot
and propelled by lyddite to bulge him so
much as a quarter of foot, and that even
protest.
1T doesn't make any difference to him
how often the weary conductor walls Move
up, please He likes to hear conductors
wall. He doesn't seem to mind having his
feet stamped on. In fact, he conducts him.
self in general like man who Is a martyr
to principle. It's one of his principles in
life to take up his stand there in front of
bridge. and he's apparently quite willing.
and even content, to be elbowed and
showed, and tramped on by everybody get
ting on or off the car, for the maintenance
of that principle.
"He particularly enjoys blocking the way
of little, old white-haired women who are
on their way to visit their married daugh-
tiers somewhere or other, and when, In their
feeble efforts to pass around him; these
tottering little old women fall helplessly
into the laps of large, grinning. tawny-
skinned piano movers. clad in blue dun
garees, it Is plain to be seen that his inner
enjoyment is ineffable and inexpressible.
There is, of course. no actual reason why
he should stand there at the rear door of
the car, and so the presumption must be
accepted that he does so because he ex-
tracts a species of devilish amusement from
the practice.
st have seen Pinheads Who Blocked the
Car Aisle who were SO confirmed in their
fiendish. wanton habit that they would
positively decline to sit down when there
were plenty of seats vacant, because sit
ting down. you see would deprive them Of
their means of keen enjoyment.
There Is, so far as I am aware, but one
method of effectually dealing with The
Pinhead Who Blocks the Car Aisle. That
method is to borrow a pair of long. finely
hatpins from you rwife. dip the
points thereof in some deadly poison, and
then, when you find yourself blocked and
glared at by the hog. deliberately prod him
with all of your might in the most vulner-
able portions of his anatomy, and then,
after ascertaining his name, watch the
for the announcement of his
wretched decease from the poisonous SUBJ
stance introduced into his internal economy
through the. medium Of the jabbers. Heroic,
but just, that scheme. The Pinhead Who
Blocks the Car Aisle is even more of
public evil than the End Seat Hog, and
he's got to be handled some way