The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-08-01
HUMOR OF THE Day

HUMOR OF THE DAY
1t is no use trying to pretend you are
with your bare foot.-New York Press.
Adam-They tell me VIC shall have to
move out of the garden
Eve-And haven't thing to wear. ITS
always just the way.-Answer
Binks-It's a little too cool for drop
stitch hosiery.
,hey nhs.nsSs whe5e you t,nd sSufTa
10 Enquirer
May-Mr Bragg tells me he was one of
the first to enlist for the Spanish war and
ne came out of it with several scars on
Ned-Yes, he was vaccinated at Tampa
and that was as far as he got.-Philadel-
phia Press.
What are you doing with that sheet of
paper, Orviile?' sharply asked his wife
Il am making WISH answered Mr.
"A wish?''
- Yes, my dear. In your pressnre slsll
Tribune. =.
Mrs. Van Dubb-Now., Bridget. I'm go
ening and 1 want you to show my guests
The New Cook-well, mum, won't dis
mems social hop as tn Dist lady dancer
| Little Clarence-Paw-uh!
| Mir. Callipers-Well my son?
! Little Clarence-Paw. when doctor is
| sick and calls in another doctor to doc
tor him, is the doctor doctored the way
ne wants to be doetored or does the doc
| tor doctor him just as he thinks he ought
to be doctored?-Puck.
Suitar-Eee nardon for interr,,Dttne h,,t
I-Ier-have just come-er-that is, 1 have
just been speaking to you daughter. and
| OLD Gentlenan--Gee. crickets! I wonder
# that girl thinks am made of money.
she has sent in today. If she doesn't mar
| ~ pretty quick I'll be bankrupt.-New
York Weekly.
He-How long will our honeymoon last,
she-How much money have you got,
dear?-Yonkers Statesman.
Ycungwed-I want accommodating for
| Hotel Clerk-su;te7
| Youngwed-You bet your life she is
washington Life.
| First Amateur Playwright-what did
CroSspatch tell you was the reason he
| Second Amateur Piaywright-He said he
| First Amateur PIaywright-Why, that's
peculiar In speaking to me of it he said
|
Baltimore American.
Host Showing him around)-Twenty=fv
years ago, when the man that owns this
have a hundred dollars in the world.
| Host-And now! BY George, sir, he
| could afford to hold the job of ambassador
to Great Britain.-Chicago Tribune.
Mrs. Hardout-Are none of your rela-
tives willing to take you in and take care
Peep O Day-Heavens, no! Do look as
II / had money to leave?-Puck.
Old Rocksey-The young man who mar
| ries my daughter must be rich.
1mpecune-Wen, sir, don't know of any
better way to get rich than to marry her.
PUCK.
Inert Ike-wot does "procrastinate''
Homeless Homer-To put off
Inert Ike-Gee. but wuzn't we procras-
tinated from dat fast freicht!-Cleveland
Leader.
Paw Figgjam-Wh makes you think
Tommy Ffggjam-Because, when she
stood in loco paresis' to me!-Baitimore
| American.
Did Jane decide that she wouldn't be
| married in June p
No, think some man must have de-
cided not to ask.'-Cleveland Plain Dealer.
= The Editor (gloomily)-I must say YOU
don't seem to realize how terrible it is to
| lose you.
The Authoress (sweetly)-You mustn't
| take it too much to heart. my friend Re-
lection does not necessarily imply lack of
merit.-Judge.
why do you tip the waiter?" asked the
man with the nine-fifty-suit and the ro-
tund front. He's better off than you are.
He owns automobile"
| If he does. replied the man with a
| comfortable lay down collar "he needs
| the money. "-Indianapo Star
| Church, see they're getting the habit
| in Philadelphia of ordering pie at break
/ fast.
Gotham-Philadelphia did you say7
| Church-Yes Philadelphia
Gotham-Oh well, you know, if they or
| der it at breakfast in Philadelphia they'll
probably get it for dinner.-Y onkers
Statesman.