The San Juan islander. [volume] (Friday Harbor, Wash.) 1898-1914, 1905-05-20

/ &
Doctor, isn't there anything can
do for this seasickness?" "Why, yes.
Try farming."-Life.
Johnny-Paw, what's the rest of
that quotation beginning Truth 10
mighty" Father" Scarce" reckon.
|-Pittsburg Post.
He-I go to bed at night with
gloves on to keep my hands soft. She
And do you wear your hat, tool
Hartford Courant.
Medium-Do you wish to see your
departed husbands spirit? Mrs. WIKI
fletree-No; want to see his ghost!
Josh never had no splritLPuck.
$50 the specialist said you'd have to
give up smoking for a. while, eh?'
Yes. and he also said I'd have to give
UP SIS for good. Golfers Weekly.
Suitor-I'm poor but honest, sir. Old
Rocksy-I don't doubt 1t at all. my
boy; and unless you change your prin.
ciples you'll never get rich.-Town
Topics.
Nell-How in the world did you dis
cover her age? Belle asked her at
what age she thought girl should
marry, and she promptly said 81
Philadelphia Ledger.
What is the chief product Of the
United States?' asked the teacher In
European school. And without hest
tation the bright pupil replied, Mon
ey."-Washington Star.
"A New York man advocates the
drowning Of all idiots" why, the
cruel brute! l shall raise my voice in
protest! Ter oh, well, 1t doesn't
matter to me."-Houston Post.
What is the secret Of your sue
cess| asked the very young man. I'm
buying" said the old horse dealer, Il
look sharp, and in selling look just
as ignorant as l can."-Chicago Daily
News.
Its Z o'clock, Fritz! We must run
home" mo, If go home now I shall
be whipped for being so late. I'm go
ing to stay till and then I'll get bon
bons and kisses because I'm not
drowned. Blaetter.
did you spend money to get into
public office" NO." answered Sena-
tor Sorghum; II didn't spend 1t. I
gave it away, and then depended on
a decent sense of gratitude in the ben
efciaries. "-Washingto Star.
Fair Devotee-I don't see any way
to raise our church debt, except to
have a lottery. Minister (shocked)-
That will never have my. sanction,
madam, never, unless you call it by
some other name.-New York Weekly.
Old Party-Boy, you'll catch cold il
you get your feet wet in that puddle.
Small Boy-Dat's what Pm after. Pm
a-goin' to speak ''Spartacus to de
Gladiators'' at school on Friday, an I
wants to git me voice hoarse.- Chicago
News.
Their pay is shockingly small for
some Of our public officials" said the
broad-minded man. YES" answered
the cynic; but 1t averages up. Some
Of the public officials are shockingly
small for their pay Washington
Star.
Finnegan-Oh, yis. OF can under
stand how thin astronomers can cal
kilate tn distance av a shtarr, its
weight, and dinsity and color, and all
that-but tn thing thot gets me is,
how tn divvle do they know it's name.
Puck.
She-What Is the use of searching
for the North Pole, anyway? He
Why, it would result in great saving
Of money If found. She-How's that7
He--It wouldn't be necessary to send
any more expeditions to look after it.
Philadelphia Inquirer.
Constituent Now, Mr.. Wunnout, I
wish you'd do your best to get my boy
good government Job. Congressman
Well, what can your son do? Con-
stttuent-What can he do?, Great
Scott, man! II he could do anything !
wouldn't be bothering youLCleveland
Plain Dealer.
Mrs. MCCALL do wish could get
a good maid. Mrs. Vandine-You
might Interview mine. I think she'd
be delighted to 60 to you. Mrs. Nc
Call-But why don't. you keep her!
Mrs. Vandine-Oh, she won't stay.
She says she wants place where she
| won't have 30 many gowns and hats
to take care Philadelphia Press.
Miss Smythe organizing subscrip.
ton dance)-I'm in despair about our
kdAnce, Mr. Brown. SO many people
have failed me. You'll ,come, won't
your Mr.. Brown Extremely Stout
Reilly, Miss Smythe; I'm not a dancing
man. I don't dance at all! Miss
Smythe- oh, that don't matter in the
least. You'd help to all up, you knowl
Mr.. Brown-Ah-yes- with pleasure.
I will look in about supper time
Pinch