davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Baltimore County union. [volume] (Towsontown, Md.) 1865-1909, 1905-04-01
STORY OF THEFATIEHr DARBY.

The Hon. John Sharp Williams.
leader of the minority in the House OF
Representatives, says that one day
while leisurely driving down a road
near his home town in Mississippi he
observed darky reclining under a
tree near the roadside. The negro
was gazing lazily up through the
branches of the tree and hoe lay be-
side him. In the corn6eld adjoining
the road there could been seen, Mr..
Williams states, many weeds impe'
ding the growth of the grain.
what are you doing there, SamF'
asked Mr.. Williams.
"I'se heah to hoe dat corn, sab, =
was the answer.
"Then what are you doing under
the tree-resting 7"
Not exactly, sub, I amt hardly
restin' cause / amt tired. I'm wait
| in fo' de sun to go down, so l kin
quit work.
| A HUNGRY dog would glady trade
| HE re1ioree for a sOt1are meal.
The Baltimore County union. [volume] (Towsontown, Md.) 1865-1909, 1905-04-01
THE WONDER WORKER.
Ny gran,ma. she's at our house now,

Ny gran'ma. she's at our house now,
An amt nobody ever was
As smart as she is-auyhOw.
No one can do the things she does.
wy, she ist take piece o. string
An twist it in her hands some way
An make fan, or anythingl
She's 60 to show me how, some day.
An she COED in our kitchen, too,
An never hafto get at book
Like my ma all the time she do
To find out what she want to cook.
Grau'ma ist make some gingerbread,
An when she bake 1t In the pan
It's got some feet an arms an head
An look whole lot like man.
An when got a cold one time
An pa say LET the doctor come"
My gran'ma say: Now, Henry, I'm
Right here, an can doctor some."
Men she mix some molassuZ wifi
Some vinegar an other stuff
AT smell like candy. when you sniff
An cure me fore got enough
An men las week she got ball
o. yarn ats awful nice an red,
An say "You got no clo'es at all
AT can perfect your hands an head"
ATS made o. shiny kind o. wire,
An men she sits an huns an sings
An clicks 'em. ere in front the fire.
AMI don't know ist what she do.
But she say Little boy, I've knit
A scarf, an mittens: too. for you;..
An now, let's see If 'ey don't fit."
Ny gran'ma's best 'at-ever was.
An when the other children see
The nice things at my gran'ma does
'Ey all say, "Wisht she'd visut me ~
W. D. Nesbtt. c0pyrjghted by Chicago Tribune.
The Baltimore County union. [volume] (Towsontown, Md.) 1865-1909, 1905-04-01
ESTABLISHED 1850.

| figure of uniformed mani didn't
know it then, but he was one of those
watchinen who used to patrol the
Chicago streets at night--swung by
me, carrying a lantern. He saw me
and heard my suppressed blubbering.
"'Hey, what's the trouble, sonr
he asked me in kindly sort of way.
81 told him.
"'Oh, that's nothing to cry about,
buddy said the big man with the
lantern. "AlI you've got to do is to
go to hotel-I can direct you to a
cheap one-and get some sleep.
You've got the price of a bed haven't
your
"'That's just what I'm afraid of,
/ replied. I've got so much money
with me that I'm afraid to go to a
hotel 'fraid Til be robbed
"'Oh, small chance of that, son.
said the big watchman, good natured-
ly. The place I'll take you to is all
right. Come along. I'll pack your
gear great Scott, this is heavy truck
for little chap like you to be carry
ing + and the fine fellow picked up
my black glazed bag and the type
writer and led the way around the
corner to one of the few remaining
places with lights still going.
"Adecent looking youngfellow was
behind the hotel desk.
"Jack,' said the watchman to the
hotel clerk, here's lad I've found
who wants a nights lodging. He
was afraid to go to hotel, for the
reason that he has a great deal of
money on his person, and he doesn't
wont to be rolled, of course. Better
have the boy hand you the money to
put in the safe, if it's so much
Well, don't care to be respon-
sible for large sum of money said
the hotel night clerk, looking at me
in wondering sort of way. How
much is it son.
It's $50 sir replied impress
sively.
mo, neither of them laughed.
They were thoroughly decent fellows,
and so they didn't laugh. / don't
doubt, however, looking back that
both wanted to laugh. They merely
exchanged amused glances.
"Oh, we'll, I wouldn't mind as
Stunning that responsibility, son, said
the hotel clerk. Let's have the
money.
''I was bit doubtful aboutit, even
then, but the clerks honest, kindly
countenance reassured me, and / dug
the wallet out of its hiding place and
handed it over to him. He stuffed
it into one of those old fashioned key
safes.
"The watchman shook hands with
me and bade me bluff good night.
never saw him again, but he was a
decent man.
"The hotel clerk gave me nice,
clean room. 1 slept like top allthe
rest of the night and for part of the
day.
1.-THE day clerk handed my money
over to me after taking so cents out
for my nights lodging. saw the
railroad agent, who laughed ever my
waking him up, and I went on to
Omaha, to amaze my auditor relative
with my diminutiveness, my queer,
country kid make up, and, not least,
my ability to write shorthand faster
than he could talk.
''But certainly was, at that age,
thousand years behind my own boys
in sophisticatedness, even if I was
making my own living, which they
aren't"
The Baltimore County union. [volume] (Towsontown, Md.) 1865-1909, 1905-04-01
RoosEvELT AND DONOVAN.

Prof. Mike Donovan, boxing in
structor of the New York Athletic
Club, has returned from Washington
an enthusiastic admirer of his pupil,
President Roosevelt, on whose invi-
tation he attended the Army and
Navy reception.
The President even lent Donovan
some of his clothes for this occasion,
but found they would not fit. Douo-
van, telling of this, said:
1.-THE President asked me to come
to the reception, and, of course, l felt
that it would be great honor to at
tend a reception of President Roose-
velt's. said to him that would be
glad to come, but I had no clothes
with me.
"Then the President said, oh,
don't let that worry you, Mike.
guess can fix you out with a suit
that will do So the President actual
ly sent for some dress suits, and ]
tried one or two on. He is a good
deal bigger than 1, and when ]
showed him how the clothes fitted be
grabbed the slack and asked me if
could not take it in little. l said
Mr.. President, I never can do that
I could no more fill out your clothes
than could fill out your Office"
Donovan hired suit, went to thu
reception and got in line to greet th'
President. AS he approached Mr.
Roosevelt said:
mike, / am glad to see you. Yo,
are looking fine in those clothes"
The Baltimore County union. [volume] (Towsontown, Md.) 1865-1909, 1905-04-01

THE MAN who does the little things
we'll is always ready to do the big
things better.
The Baltimore County union. [volume] (Towsontown, Md.) 1865-1909, 1905-04-01

IT Is almost as difficult to get a
small boy'to bed at night as it to get
him up the next morning.
The Baltimore County union. [volume] (Towsontown, Md.) 1865-1909, 1905-04-01

IRVING GR1NNELL, treasurer of the
Church Temperance Society of New
York, was talking about the differ
ence between High and Low church
among EpiscopaIians.
st heard two boys talking on the
street the other day." he said: "The
first said in boasting way:
"Our church is awful high. We
have mathis.
"'That's nothin',' said the other
boy. We have carpets. I"
The Baltimore County union. [volume] (Towsontown, Md.) 1865-1909, 1905-04-01

W1LLIE-"Pa, what do those ladies
mean when they talk about 'woman's
sphere'?'
Pa--"Their idea of woman ssphere,
my son, is the earth. They think it
belongs to them"
The Baltimore County union. [volume] (Towsontown, Md.) 1865-1909, 1905-04-01

MISS SNowFLAKE-"Wh did Jim
Jackson git married for ?" Miss
Washtubb-"Goodness only knows !,
he keeps right on workin' p
The Baltimore County union. [volume] (Towsontown, Md.) 1865-1909, 1905-04-01

IMPRov1DENr people are often up
in the clouds looking for some of
those silver Innings.
The Baltimore County union. [volume] (Towsontown, Md.) 1865-1909, 1905-04-01

"HENPEcK is being avenged on his
wife. all right
"Why, 1 thought she was dead ~
80 she is.''
"Then how does he make it r.
"She talked into photograph some
time before she died and made him a
present of the record. Now every
evening he starts the machine to talk
ing, then he upsets chairs, kicks the
cat, strums on the piano, spits on the
floor, and finally goes out and leaves
il talking while he slams the door and
goes to attend session of the ALI
Night Poker Club
The Baltimore County union. [volume] (Towsontown, Md.) 1865-1909, 1905-04-01

excepting AT it, is a mighty
good substitution for real genius.
The Baltimore County union. [volume] (Towsontown, Md.) 1865-1909, 1905-04-01

A HUNGRY dog would glady trade
his pedigree for square meal.
The morning Astorian. [volume] (Astoria, Oregon) 1899-1930, 1905-02-26
Astoria's New Store.

AS time approaches for completing
the Danziger G. Co. new store, the i'm
portance Of changes become more
prominent, and the prospective beauty
and practicability OF City Clothing
establishment begins to make its i'm
portance more impressive. In few
weeks the great transformation will
be completed, and Astoria will have
one of the most modern clothing estab-
lishments west of the Rocky Noun
tains. Just now the firm is devoting
its entire energies to selling off all the
goods possible in order to open to the
Spring trade a new store with COM
plete new stock. Prices are 80 un
mercifully slaughtered on mems and
boys fine clothing, hats, shoes and fur
nishings in both heavy and medium
weight materials, that no man can well
afford to overlook the money saving
opportunities offered during this grand
alteration sale, an actual saving OF
one half or not less than one-third or
thousands Of dollars worth Of the very
choicest goods, is an opportunity that
Astorians will not see again in years
by a thoroughly reliable house. s
Danziger & Co. are and always will be
Astoria's greatest and best clothing
store.
The morning Astorian. [volume] (Astoria, Oregon) 1899-1930, 1905-02-26

Mrs. +. ID. kuettner. Mrs, Charles
Heilborn, Mrs. R. ]. Pilkington. Mrs, c,
II. Calendar Mrs. w, L, Schimpff and
Mrs. J. T. N. Galloway.
Mrs. Charles $. Brown entertained
a large number OF her friends with a
enchre party on Wednesday afternoon
and the ladies present spent an un-
usually enjoyable afternoon, The re-
ception room was decorated with white
and red carnations and evergreens
while the parlots were artisticGlly dec-
grated with American flags. mountain
moss and greens. The score cards
were small crepe paper. American flags
and We're marked with tiny gilt stars
to donate the progressions as those
present moved from one table to an
other. Mrs. Jay Tuttle won the hand
some cut glass vase and Mrs, Brenham
Van Dusen and Mrs. +. ID. Kuettner,
he other prizes.
The morning Astorian. [volume] (Astoria, Oregon) 1899-1930, 1905-02-26
Church Notices.

Presbyterian church-Sunday school
at 1875: Y. P. S. C. Z. at $50. No
services morning or evening.
Babtist church-Regular services
win be observed at the usual hour,
Preaching by the pastor. Subjects
morning. Helping Others: evening,
Bread from Heaven" Let everybody
come on time.
First Lutheran-Ssrvices Sunday as
follows: Sunday school at $3.50 a. m
Morning service in Swedish at 1O;i5'
subject for sermon, walk in the
Light" Evening service in English
subject, "one of the Principal Causes
for Diversified Religion Preaching
at both services by the pastor. Rev.
Gustaf RudQuist. Everybody cordial.
Ily invited.
First Congregational at
III a. m. and 1880 p. m. The pastor,
Luther d. Malone, will be assisted by
the oliphant sisters OF Los Angeles
and Rev. C. F. Clapp Of Forest Grove,
Morning subject, Harmony and Com
munion Of Public worship" evening
services Of an evangelistic nature
Sunday school 1890. The oliphant
sisters will sing.
Special meetings viii be held in the
congregational church during the
coming week. The oliphant sisters
of Los Angeles and Rev. c. F. Clapp
Of Forest Grove viii assist. The latter
arrived yesterday and win sing at both
the services today-11 a. m. and 1880
%. m. The oliphant sisters are well
known to the people of the coast for
their voices have been heard in the
majority Of our large churches. Other
than their sweet singing the older one
does much preaching and lecturing.
She served as assistant pastor Of one
Of the largest Methodist churches of
Chicago and has shown CONSPICUOUS
ability on the public rostrum. A corr
dial invitation is extended to the pub
lie and an urgent request for all the
Christian people to attend these serv-
ices. Special day meetings win be
announced later.
Methodist ehurch-Services morn
ing and evening. Subject, morning
why Are We Christians evening
who Is Christi"
The morning Astorian. [volume] (Astoria, Oregon) 1899-1930, 1905-02-26

taneous food Here liz stll another
letter. which my wife received this
morning. and which she handed over
to me. Just for the fan I'll read It TO
you"
Dear Mrs. Blank: We are row
able TO make you an offer which will
bring you both happiness and health.
To any one buying 10 packages OF In
stantaneous food we will gend an ele-
gantly bound book entitled How to
Coax Your Husband Any wife witt
this book will never need for pi.t
money Yours respectfully,
THE INSTANTANEOUS FOOD CO."
The morning Astorian. [volume] (Astoria, Oregon) 1899-1930, 1905-02-26

Two kinds Of goods and
trade; a bargains a bargain
and moneyback. One makes
friends, and the other loses
'em.
Schilling's Best at your
grocer's.
The morning Astorian. [volume] (Astoria, Oregon) 1899-1930, 1905-02-26

English Plumb Pudding Brandy Sauce
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1905-04-01
Notice to Contractors.
opened.

Sealed proposals addressed to w. J.
brennan. Lancaster, Wis. Chairman of the
Building Committee, will be received up to
one O'Clock p. m. April Goth. 1905. by the
Building Committee for the Grant Co.
hospital, for the erection and completion of
a hospital building to be erected on the
Grant county farm situated two and one
hall miles from the Grant County Court
House in the City of Lancaster, Grant
County. Wis. in accordance with the plans
ana specifications on file in The Office of w.
j. Brennan. at Lancaster. Wisconsin, and in
the ofhce Of H. Kleinhammer, Architect,
Platteville Wis.
All bids must be accompanied by a
certified check or cash, to the amount of 3
per OF the amount of the Did, payable to w.
j. Brennan, Chairman of the Building Com
mlttee, as guarantee Of good faith that
contractor will enter into contract as per
bid with the Building Committee, and
furnish bond acceptable to the sid build
ing committee without delay.
Bios for the plumbing and heating OF the
building are to be separate from the bids on
general work
The committee reserves the right to re-
ject any and all bids
Dated March Goth, 1905.
By order of the Hospital Bldg. Committee.
W. j. BRENNAN, Chairman,
toto Ii. GRIMM. Secretary.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1905-04-01
Youthful dcresv.

81 don't believe any whale ever swal-
Jared JONAH" the shaggy haired 10y
persisted. ''The teacher at the night
school says the whale lives on little
insects, and man couldn't never go
down his throat"
"But. my boy" said his Sunday
school teacher, kindly, "the translators
tell us it was not necessarily whale.
The word could have been rendered
big fish just as well. It might have
been a shark"
But the shaggy haired boy refused
to compromise.
eff any shark swallered JONAH" he
said, she never got out Of him alive."-
Chicago Tribune.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1905-04-01
PERSONAL.


The king Of Portugal Is devoted
fisherman.
Jose Echegaray, the celebrated Span
ish writer, has published more than
twenty dramas.
Samuel Coleridge Taylor, mulatto.
who is hailed as "a great English CON-
poser" Is married to an English wo-
man and has two children.
Thomas Kay Niedringhaus, Repub-
lican caucus nominee for United States
senator to succeed Senator COckrell,
has never held public Office.
Nine. Makaroff, widow Of the Rus.
sian admiral who went down with his
ship before Port Arthur, is one OF the
most beautiful and cultured women in
Russia.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1905-04-01
Queer Corner of Earth.

One of the queerest corners Of the
earth is Chatham island, off the coast
of Ecuador This island lies 600 miles
west of Guayaquil, and the equator
runs directly through it. Captain Rein
man, who was sent to the Galapagos
group Of islands to inquire into the
proper grounding of deep sea cable,
stopped at Chatham island, and says
1t aDounds in cats, every one of which
is black. These animals live in the
crevices of the lava foundation near
the coast, and subsist by catching fish
and crabs, instead of rats and mice.
Other animals found on this island
are horses, cattle, hogs, goats and
chickens, all of which are perfectly
wild.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1905-04-01
The Wise Little Boy.

Teacher says it is hard to make a
mathematician sometimes. After hav-
ing used every expedient to make a
little pupil find out the sum of 8 and
s, She conceived the idea Of using
money to illustrate. Said she:
"See, Willie. / give you this 5-cent
piece and this 5-cent piece. Now. how
much money have you?"
Fifteen CENTS" was the prompt re-
ply.
why, Willie. sighed teacher, chow
do you make it 1872
SWELL" with an aggrieved air, you
know, you gave me 5 cents and o
cents-thats 10-and 1 have in my
pocket. New York Sun
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1905-04-01
Definition of q Legal Term.

At one Of the registration places in
Alabama Congressman Bankhead
stood listening to the election officers
testing a colored mans qualifications
for exercising the right of suffrage.
The negro was unusually intelligent,
and one Of the officials said quietly to
the congressman: "That's q smart
darby. He had answered every cues.
ton correctly"
"Ask hisn to explain a writ OF
certiorari," suggested Mr.. Bankhead.
This was done. and the negro, after
scratching his head, said: Deed.
boss, I reckon you done got ME.
dOan know what dat is, 'less'n it's
something to keep niger from vot
in'."-The Bar.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1905-04-01
PERSONAL

FGhOOINACs
Dowager Queen Marguerite Of Italy
loves to climb the Alps.
Herbert L. Hapgood Of Athol, Mass.
has the largest private collection of al
MANAGES in the United States. One Is
dated 1855.
Longfellow's "Evangeline" has been
banished from British Columbia schools
because it is tainted with an anti
British spirit"
Laura M. Cornelius of the Oneida
tribe is the first Indian woman to
study for the law. She will enter the
Leland Stanford university.
Mrs. Ingeborg Nelson, mother of
United States Senator Knute Nelson Of
Minnesota, is over 80 years Of age, but
retains her health and spirits.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1905-04-01
A Misunderstood Hint.

81 was awfully disappointed at
Christmas"
"How SOP"
Ct wanted an auto and didn't get
it."
"Why didn't you give your husband
q hint?"
al did, but he didn't understand it."
''That's too bad"
'Yes l told him wanted something
that travelled fast and that a woman
could handle"
EYES,"
Sand what do you think he gave
me?'
''Give it up"
"a $40 bill."-Cleveland Plain.
dealer.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1905-04-01
Local JOttinSS.
Town caucuses tomorrow.

Town caucuSeS tomorrow.
The schools closed yesterday for
a weeks vacation.
Election tickets printed while
you wait at this office.
County Supt. Nye is located in
his new quarters at the courthouse.
Miss E. L. Sawyer went to her
home at Oak Park, ILL.,, yesterday
to spend the vacation.
The attention of contractors is
called to advertisement for bids for
construction of the hospital at the
asylum in another column of this
issue.
Some farmers are already in
the fields, while many more will
start their springs work early next
week, in case there is no rain or
snow. The ground is in good con-
dition for cropping.
John Hughes of Platteville
called on old friends here Thursday,
enroute to Bloomington on bust
ness trip. John is a building con-
tractor and says that Platteville is
to have a regular building boom
this summer.
james Scullan has bought Lou
Eberles fine residence in the third
ward and expects to occupy his
new home soon. Mr.. Eberle will
remain at Highland, where his
services as an expert in all matters
pertaining to mining are in de-
mand.
A. HI. Wasem of Cuba City, re-
presenting the Cuba City Remedy
company, was in Lancaster yester-
day and sold carload of the stock
food manufactured by the company
to M. S. Trowbridge. A party will
be here to demonstrate the good
properties the article possesses.
"A woman who was waiting for
a train in Madison recently had a
bad scare. A freight train was
backing up as she stood on the
platform and one of the brakemen
called to the other: Jump onto
her when she comes by; run her
down beyond the elevator, cut her
in two and head end up to the depot"
The local paper adds that the lady
jumped and yelled murder as hard
as she could.
The Mississippi river is rising,
but probably will not be nearly so
high as the old settlers along the
river anticipated when there was a
body of over q feet of snow all
over the northwest. The thawlng
of the snow was so gradual that it
created no local floods, and as there
was very little frost to enter the
ground on account of the protec-
ton of the snow much of the water
soaked in, which is great benefit
to soil and crops.
Ed. Wardell and Nina Hubert
of Blue River came to this city
Wednesday to get permission to be
married. A special permit from
Judge Clementson was necessary
in this case, as the lady had been
divorced from John Prater OF
Muscoda less than a year, and
as the judge was out of town the
determined couple went on to Du-
buque, where they were firmly un-
tied in the bonds of wedlock. They
returned to this city on Wednesday
and went home rejoicing.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1905-04-01
Mexfco's Relations with .yanau.

It is suggestive to consider the rela.
tons of Mexico to the new power in
the far east. Mexican diplomacy early
made notably liberal treaty with ia
pan, and that convention has been fol-
lowed by treaty with China In a
word. Mexico. with great sagacity,
prepared the way for useful relations
with the rising powers across the Pa
cific. The friendly oriental powers
are certain to desire the prosperity and
independence of Mexico, a nation with
a IA cial base similar to theirs. Next
co opens her doors to oriental immi-
grafton because she needs labor and
can assimilate the Asiatics better than
the northern nations of the continent,
Thus new link is forged in the great
chain which wise diplomacy began.
An Error.
Mrs. T.. z. Letter, when she is In
Paris, spends a good deal of time in
the shops Of the exquisite jewelers. and
dealers in antiques and objects Of art
Mrs. Letter was in Paris early in the
winter. She had rooms at the fash.
ionable Hotel Ritz. An American trav.
eler who met her at the Ritz said the
other day:
ION a rather dull afternoon Mrs.
Letter visited an art shop in the Rue
de la Paix. She looked at Rodin
bronzes, Lalique jewels, drawings Of
Daumier, and other priceless things,
and finally pointing toward dusky
vorner said to the polite young sales
man:
N"'How much is that Japanese idol
over there worth?
''The salesman bowed and answeredi
"About 100000 francs, madam. II, is
the proprietor San Antonio Ex'
press. e
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1905-04-01

~ullo unique Jewel is an apple
green diamond owned by the Prince of
Wales. 1t was discovered in South
Africa, and is the largest stone of the
shade In the world. It was found two
and a half years ago and weighs three
and half carats. The value placed
upon it by connoisseurs is e1,6OO.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1905-04-01
The Better
Way

The tissues of the throat are
infamed and irritate d; you
cough, and there is more irrita-
tion-more coughing. You take
a cough mixture and it eases the
irritation--for a while. You take