Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1905-08-17

ms and little Kitty Mackney. Hei
losses at bridge"
Billy stirred restlessly on the yer,
uncomfortable chair to which he had
been SO unceremoniously condemned
What | thought was this" she went
on. breezily. Il thought it such an
awful pity that poor Dicky or Jerry
wasn't Harold Farsyde."
May | request you, madam"
TO come to business? Of course.
Well, what l have in my mind is a
scheme-the most perfect scheme imag-
inable-for rendering people appropri-
ate. We might form a company, and
call it The Impersonators, Limited"
Think hardly follow YOU
1T is quite simple, really. Ny idea
is to make poets look like poets. To
give an artistic tout ensemble to art.
lists. Lecturers should look profound
all forehead and eyebrows and jaw
and not as if they were only interested
in some small, suburban chambers
shop. Positively, you know, these
clever people injure their own reputa
lions by mingling with their fellow
creatures. You literary agents ought
not to allow your authors to appear In
public; they damage their own sales.
| am sure they do. And painters are
always so in need of decoration them.
selves that you cannot possibly believe
in their genius. And as for your reputed
wits, l have listened to more epigrams
at a mothers meeting in n short half
hour than ever l heard at a fashionable
gathering of celebrities"
"You must have had some most un-
fortunate experiences"
Not unusually unfortunate, I fancy.
Other people quite agree with me. l
raj talking to But-as you so
courteously do not say-your time is
valuable, and l am by way of becoming
a nuisance. l will hurry on, then, to
my remedy. Why, Mr.. Boswell, should
all these famous people ever appear in
public at all?"
"Why?"
Eyes. Would it not be better for all
concerned if they were to employ other
people to impersonate them? There are
plenty of nice young men who would
look far more like the authors of great
works than the real authors do. And
many of them would be only too glad
to earn a few guineas by wearing the
nantes of the great at receptions and
balls and dinner parties and afternoon
teas. They would, | am sure, stimulate
| sales enormously, instead of retarding
them"
you forget, madam, that the person
already well known to the public. Ont
moment. How would it be possible tt
introduce an altogether unknown per
son as the author of-shall we say?-Mr
Farsyde's book, either to a hostess o.
the casual reader? Mr.. Farsyde's por
trait has appeared in"
"And you said you were a cynic!" sh'
| sighed.
Pardon me-" said Billy, "it was yo'
who said that"
Anyhow" she rejoined, you ough
to know that the memory of the common
herd is the most short-lived thing il
the world. And then there are Away
new men and women coming along
They, at least"
II have not quite done. How, TO
instance, could / hint to my best autho
that he's not altogether handsome
How could 1 point out to n of m,
artists or poets that he was essential
not picturesque-that his wild hair re
sembled rather the stufing out of
cheap sofa cushion than ambrosia
locks? 1t could not be done, my dea
madam. The thing is not feasible
And my brilliant wits! What, in tn
name of all that is improbable, woul
they do to me if l told them, no matte
how delicately, that their funniment
were not funny? And then, my lectul
erers. Imagine their wrath at bein
compared to small suburban shopmen!
Il didn't think" the lady falteret
"And that is not the worst of /
either" proceeded Billy, ruthlessl.
How am | to advise them to chang
their tailor or their dressmaker, the
halter or milliner, without laying m,
self open to the suspicion of taking con
missions from tradesmen? And thel
you know, these absurd people are prou
of their houses and their back garden
They plume themselves on their know
edge of horses and dogs. And, abo,
all, how is it conceivable that | shoul
criticise their wives adversely, and,
the last dread resort, their chiIdrel
without provoking them to reprisa
that might even be of a sanguinary sort
No, madam. Your idea has points, | a
init, and, for some reasons | wish thi
it could be put into practice. But
long as life is ordered as it is at pre-
emit, even the wisest and most inspire
of mankind must have their share
human nature. Show me how to elir
mate human nature and | am prepare
to talk to you till the cows come home
i, 81 see" said the lady, sadly, ~refiectiv
ly. But l thought, you know TIL,
don't look human n bit, anyway
And she smiled.-Chicago Chronicle.
nt~HZ H,--~n - u~~