The Caldwell tribune., 1905-06-03
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uAo-AL ne nao 'em."-Clevelaud Plain.
Dealer. u,
NO man ought ever to write a love-
,e1ter without thinking constantly how
1t will sound when it is read out loud
IN court'--Somerville Journal.
Ethei-Are you sure he has never
loved before? Edith-Yes. He told me
10 go round to the jewelers. and pick
out any ring I wanted.-Judge.
singletOn--Do you dodge when your
w1re throws things at you? Wederly---
certainly not. Do you suppose i'd take
chance Of getting hit?
Bobby-How much footwear do Won
wear out In month, Tommy? Tommy
1.-Two pairs Of a shoes and a pair Of
my mothers slippers.-Chicago News.
Physician-Your ailment lies In the
larynx, thorax, and epiglottjs. Helli-
gan-Indade! An me afther thinkin'
tn trouble was in me throat.-Ram's
Horn.
"see that man? Well, sir, he landed
In this country with bare feet and new
he's got millions" ''Gee whiz! he FAUST
be regular centipede. e."-Philadelphi
Ledger.
"Weli," remarked Hercules cheerful
ly. as he Gazed up at Aslas, ''ysu seem
to be bearing up pretty wen, even If
the whSls world 10 down On yau."-
Princeton Tiger.
Languid Leary-Dey tell me dat
Esquimaux eat soap an t'ink it's a
luxury. Perambulating Pete-Well,
dat's wet it is. 1t amt ne necessity
Sis Hopkins Book.
Old friends your part very diff
cult to play? Barnstormer-Well,
rather! I'm living on enc meal a day,
and playing the role Of man with the
gout.-Detroit Free Press.
Dorothy-Isn't it horrid? I've Just
discovered that my dolly is stuffed with
sawdust! Dick-Pooh! What Of it.?
Lots Of respectable people eat break
fast food.-Chicago News.
The Weman-George. this is the an
niversary Of the day on which prom
tsed to be yOurs-have you forgotten
1t? The BrHte-Nc, my dear, couldn't.
But I've forgiven it.-Cleveland Lead
er.
Customer-Say, what kind of crazy
novel is this, anyway? 1t begins with
the last chapter and ends with the
first. Bookseller-Oh, that edition Is
Intended, for ladies only.-Chicago
News.
Mifkins-Wasn't Benedict's death
rather sudden and unexpected? Bif-
kins-Well, it was sudden, but not nee
essarily unexpected. His wife had just
graduated from a cooking school.-Chi-
cago News.
Mrs. Crawford-Thls lovely Easter
hat cost me only $65. Don't you think
| look pretty in itY Crawford-IIl bet
that 9S-cent lamp-shade you bought the
other day would be just as becoming to
you.-Judge.
Merchant-Do you think you know
enough to assist me in the office? Smart
Boy-Know enough! Why, the. last
go because 1 knew more than he did.
Chicago News.
Finnegan-Oh, yiS, OF can under
sthand how thin astronomers can cal
kilate tn distance av a stharr, its
weight, dinsity and color and all thot
but tn thing thot gets me Is, how tn
divvle do they know its name?-Puck.
Aunt Nancy-Don't say she dropped
the locket in her bosom; that isn't mod
est; say she dropped 1t in her neck.
Lucy-I see; and instead Of saying that
the man unbesom himself, 1 must say
he unnecked himself-Boston Trans
script.
Mrs. Spenders-I wonder what will
be the popular styles in bonnets next
summer? Mr.. Spenders--My dear, wo-
mems bonnets will be divided into two
styles, as usual-the style you don't
like and the style l can't Afford
Royal Magazine.
Don't be so lazy. There's plenty Of
room at the top, and you're clever
enough to get there" But" replied
the lazy genius, ''think how clever it is
of me to find place at the bottom,
where there isn't so much ROOM" -
Philadelphia Ledger
II Think" said the prison visitor, sit
would be helpful to you If you would
take some good motto and try to live
ND to it." "Yes," said the convict;
now, I'd like to select, for instance,
We are here to-day and gone to-mor-
row. '"-Philadelph Press.
"Your daughters music Is tmprov-
ing" said the professor, "but when
she runs the scales have to watch her
pretty closely" Just like her father" ,"
said Mrs. Nuritch. He made his
money-~in the grocery business" -
Philadelphia Public Ledger.
Cottager-Do you ever rarn folks ter
paint picters like that there, sir? Artist
oh yes; sometimes. Why do you ask?
'ottager-Well, sir, this ere boy O.
nine amt fit for nuthin'. II be that
there delicate e can't do no ard work;
an not bein' quite right in is 'ead, I