Willmar tribune. [volume] (Willmar, Minn.) 1895-1931, 1905-08-16

~ EIlDERMlS
days we were on dinky steamboats, with
Arabs, Turks, negroes and all rationale
ties camping on deck, full of fleas, and
with cholera germs on them big enough
to pick like blueberries, and all of the
passengers were dirty and eat things
that would make a dog in America go
mad. The dog biscuit that are fed to
American dogs would pass as delicate
CONNECTION on the menu of any steam
boat we struck, and had rather lie
down in barn yard with a wet dog for
a pillow and CASTOR blanket from a
smallpox hospital for bed, than to
occupy the bridal chamber of any steam
boat we struck.
And then the ride across the desert
by rail to reach Cairo was the worst in
the world. Passengers in rags, going to
Mecca, or some other place of worship,
eating cheese thousand years old made
from old goats milk, and dug from the
Pyramids too late to save it, was what
surrounded us, and the sand storm blew
through the cars laden with germs of the
plague, and stuck to us so tight you
couldn't get it off with sandpaper, and
when we got here all we have had to do
is to battle the dirt off in layers.
1t takes nine baths to get down to
American epidermis, and the last bath
has jackplane to go with it, and a thing
they scale fish with. But we are all
right now, with rooms in the hotel, and
rested, and when we go home we are
going to be sailed down and given
chloroform and shipped as mummies.
Dad insists that he will never cross a
desert or an ocean again, and I don't
know what is to become of us. Anyway,
we are going to enjoy ourselves until we
are killed off.
The first two days We just looked
about Cairo, and saw the congress of ma
tons, for there is nothing just like this
town anywhere. There are people from
all quarters of the globe, the most out
landish and the most up-to-date. This
place is an asylum for fakirs and rob-
bers, a place where defaulters, bribers,
murderers, swindlers and clippers
are safe, as there seems to be
no extradition treaty that cannot
be overcome by paying money to the
officials. l found that out the first day,
and told dad we should have no stand
ing in the society of Egypt unless the
people thought he had committed some
gigantic crime and fed his country.
Dad wanted to know how it would
strike me II it was noised about the no.
tel that he had robbed national bank.
but I told him there would be nothing
uncommon or noticeable about robbing
bank, as half the tourists were bank
defaulters, so he would have to be &C.
cused Of something startling, so we de-
cided that dad should be charged with
being the principal thing in the Stand
ard Oil company, and that he had under
ground pipe lines running under sew
eral states, gathering oil away from the
people who, owned 1t, and that at the
present time he was worth a billion dol
lars, and his income s, was $4,000, 900
every little while: and, by ginger, you
ought to see the people bow down to him.
Say, common bank robbers and default
ers just fell over themselves to get &C.
quainted with dad, and to carry out the
joke, I put some kerosene oil on dads
handkerchief, and that clinched it. for
everybody loves the smell of perfume
that represents a billion dollars
All the women wanted to dance with
dad in the hotel dance, ans because they
thought must be heir to all the oil
billions, they wanted to hold me on
their laps, and stroke my hair as though
I was it. I guess we are going to have
everything our own way here, and If
dad does not get eloped with by some
Egyptian princess, shall be mistaken.
The Egyptians are pretty near being ne
groes, and wear bangles in their ears,
and earrings on their arms. You take
It in the dark, and let q princess put
her arm around you, and sort OF squeeze
you, and YOU can't tell but what she is
white, only there Is an odor about them
like "Araby the blessed, : but in the light