The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1905-12-03
MR.. DOOLEY
Continued from Page -

forecIosed all f'r love iv Bryan, an
here was their money down east fight
in again thin. They beat thimsilves.
An thew didn't know it. Twas a noble
Joke. I can hardly keep firm laughin'
now to think iv il. An taer We ARE.
Gentlemen, on me sacred Wurred iv
honor-what? That's the same as say
in over tn left? On, very Well
An he stepped down an Misther
McCurdle whit into tn dock or took
tn stand. WHICHEVER We like.
..Misther Hughes-Misther McCur-
die. who are tn officers iv yeer COM
p'ny?'
..McCurdle-I am president, me Oldest
son is first vice-prisident; me boy Percy
is tlreasurer. TIL other officers ARE
Bill McCurdle, Mike McCurdle, Lucy
McCurdle, Alick McCurdle, Dolly Nc
Curdle. E,rastus McCurdle, ST McCurdle.
Daisy McCurdle, Emmiline McCurdle,
Pet McCurdle, Uncle Jake McCurdle,
Aunt Mary Ann McCurdle, Cousin Sam
McCurdle me sons-in-law, me nephews,
Baby McCurdle (not yet named), an
our OF house dog, Tower McCurdle.
They have all been brought up in tn
business. I've been careful about that.
AS soon as wan iv thin is weaned l
place a toy rake-off in their hands an
teach thin to use it. Me youngest
gran'child has tn penwiper privilege.
Me Cousin Maria baby boy sells pins
to tn policy holders to pin up their pol
icies or take tn place iv buttons. An
so on. That is why it is called a NUT
ual society. Ye catch tn idee?'
A HOME MISSIONARY.
.sMisther Hughes-'What dye do to
arne ye'er sal'ry iv wan hundred an
fifty thousand?'
.'Misther McCurdle-I don't arne it.
l vote, it.
t'Misther Hughes-sD'ye know amy
thing about tn life insurance business
"Misther McCurdle-'Divvle tn thing
''Misther Hughes-'How old ARE YEP
"Misther McCurdle-'Ye'n have to ask
tn actuary in tn comp'ny. An amy
how I am not a life insurance man in
til crdhinry or common sense iv tn
wurrut. I can hire men FIR fifteen dol
lars a week to be that, an I'm goin' to
cIl1 thin down to twelve. I'm a mis-
sionry.'
'Misther Hughes-'An home mission
'ry?'
'Misther McCurdle-.As ye like. Life
insurance is me rellijon. I worship it.
pray to it: Give US this day''-an'
so on. Me business is to spread tn
Gospel among tn haythen. That's why
call mesilf a mission'ry. We follow
this system in our onselfsh wurruk.
In tn first place, we pay such sal
ries as a lab'rer in tn vineyard
shud take whin tn owner isn't lookin'
We devote a certain amount to gather
in in convarts VINO have escaped tn
L n
IN lest We put into banks. As soon az
we get money enough We start a banh.
TIL McCurdle family in tn inthrests iv
tn faith takes all the stock. Thin we
deposit tn money iv tn convarta1 hay
then. That makes tn stock iv tn bank
high enough to be a safe invistmint, an
we sell it to tn policy-holders or in
surance worshipers as we call thin. We
ARE very careful. I make it a rule
niver to sell anything 20 tn Policy
holders that has not first passed
through my hands
1'Misther Hughes-'Ye want to look
out. TIL haythen sometimes ates tn
mission ry.'
"Misther McCurdle-It's tn other
way about with us
IAN there We ARE, Hinnissy. I've
done an injustice to thin lie hearts,
thin binivolent consciences thin pa
Throttle souls. It's tn likes iv Thin
fine onselfish men that We ought to be
enthrustin' ye'er savins to instead iv
hidin' it in ye'er shoe, where thieves
or ye'er wife may get it
They'll have no money iv mine,''
said Mr.. Hennessey. We'll we
may be right said Mr.. Dooley. IT
asked Father Kelly about it tn
other day. Well, says he I
don't know much about life in
surance,' says he. Me business is with
tn future life an is more in tn fire
insurance line he says. But if Gabby
George, an Pathrite McGaul, an Mis-
sion'ry Mack come to me FIR policy
he says, I'd have to put thin down as
exthry hazardous risks, he says