Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1905-12-09

WHEN THH EELLER PILGRIM HAD BEEN
LICKED.
in my pocket-my grasshopper in a bot
tie and ready to lick any other inseck
in Oklahoma-a new stock of the alle-
viator-tintypes to be taken at 10 cents
take, with clear profit of cents
apiece on every one-with all this
wealth surroundin' me and clear con-
science snuggled up behind my vest,
was it any wonder that I had no room
to envy st. Louis alderman and his
Doodle?
was hummin' the air Of tune and
feelin' that it was good to be alive,
when l met an Oldish man on the high
way. He had the gray locks and the
long beard of dignity, and 1 suspected
him Of bein' Teller pilgrim long be-
fore pulled in my boss and gave him
proper salutation. When he had pass
ed the time of day he informed me
that his mission on this airth was to go
around buildin' asylums for such chill
dren as had lost their lovin' parents
by snake bites or other causes and that
to speak few words of consolashun
to the downtrodden and discouraged.
In return told him that my special
line was selling the greatest pain allie
viator ever discovered by mortal man
and inditin' my Teller man to new aims
and ambishuns, and we each took a
moderate swig from a flask carry for
use on such occasions only. When we
have patted each other on the back for
a few minits, as it's proper on such
an occashun, the old man wipes off his
mouth with the back of his hand and
sweetly says:
"Mebbe we might do bit O. business
together for the benefit of the orphans
who are roamin' around with tears in
their eyes and calm for their fathers
and mothers in vainT'
IF we can it is a solemn duty we
owe to ourselves" says in reply.
II, too, have an inseck in a bottle"
he goes on as he produces a great big
tumblebug imprisoned in a pint bottle
which had once held that which cheers
and inebriates. Il amt braggin about
this inSeck, because he had lost q leg
when | found him and has passed
through many trials and tribulashuns,
but for the sake Of the roamin' orphans
l might bet you $40 even up that he
can make your grasshopper weary of
this mad life in about five minits."
The bug was twice the size of my
hopper, and it seemed like urgin' my
inseck on to certain defeat, but could
not go back on my record If this bug
won it would be $50 toward a new Or
phan asylum; If my hopper won it
would be the same amount to hand to
some strugglin' wilder woman and
tell her to continue to struggle on. Our
Teller men were to benefit, no matter
which way the scrap turned out, and
l was not long in maxim up my mind
l descended from my wagon and
spread a blanket on the grass, and the
respective and respectable insecks was
poured out of their bottles before each
others noses. The fight was on at
once Although his bug was the big
gest, my hopper was the spriest, and
Iof nVe mlnltS 1t was anyD0dy'S light.
Then virtue began to triumph-that is,
my hopper secured a leg hold and
Topped the bug over on his back, and
that was the beginnin' of the end. A
few terrific but vain struggles, and the
bug was a licked inseck. He was not
mortally injured, but he would fight
no more for weeks to come.
II believe take the stakes" says |
as restores my hopper to the bottle.
"Not much!' shouts the old man as
he jumps up "You punched my bug in
the eye with your finger when l wasn't |
loollin'r'
! had to gently and persuasively call |
him a liar, aud in another mint we
was strugglin for victory. The cause |
of virtue and integrity was mine, and, |
assisted by right hand swing on the /