Chicago eagle. [volume] (Chicago, Ill.) 1889-19??, 1905-05-20

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q cat that Is owned by a vegetarian"
Judge.
II notice you never wear a watch
with your evening clothes" mo; I
never have both out at the same
tlme."--Cornell Widow.
Johnny's Friend--1 hear johnny il
learning to play the French horn.
Johnny's Roommate-Yes, I've had
wind of it.--IIarvard Lampoon.
You haven't much of head" sail
the needle to the pin. NO. replied
the latter. but at the same time we
pins have our fine points.
Plain Dealer.
Nell--Of course she's not pretty. but
It's remarkable how her face lights up
when she talks. Belle--Ol. that's not
80 remarkable. She's got lantern
jaw.-philadclphia Ledger.
First Society Woman-That's my
baby that we just passed. Second SO.
ciety WOman-1lOw could you tell?
First Society Woman--I recognized
the nursc.-Brooklyn Eagle.
Tcachcr--How many command.
ments are there Tommy-Not any.
Teacher--Why. Tommy There are
ten. Tommy-Aw, dem was all broke
long ago.--Cleveland Leader.
"Smoothleigh Is certainly the polIt.
est man know. "What makes You so
positive!" Hes pretending he's cured
of his dyspepsia SC as not to hurt his
doctors feelings. Topics.
"Well, Doctors Brown and Smith are
Going to operate upon old Gotrox." "ls
the operation necessary "Why, yes:
Brown has a note coming due. and
Smith wants an automobile. Puck.
Harold" began his wife In n furl.
Gus temper. "my mind Is made UP"
Mercy" interrupted her husband: us
that so? had hoped that your mind,
nt least, was your own.'-Detroit Free
Press.
Frlend-You must enjoy your new
position. So much honor, dignity and
prestige! University Presiicnt--Yes;
but won't get so much money as tho
head coach Of the football tcam.-
SOmerville Journal.
"Can You support my daughter In
the style to which she has been accus.
tomcd!" Perhaps not. But l can
support her In the style TO which her
mother was accustomed during her
early married liic."-I.lfe.
Jaspar-I think I have reason &c
believe that last poem OF mine Is O
classic. Jumpuppe-Why SO? Jasper
Il find that all my friends have either
seen 1t or heard of It, but none Of
them has read it.-Exchange.
The Prcacher---l was surprised &c
see your husband get up and walk out
OF church while l was preaching. The
Wife-Oh, don't think anything OF
that! You know he's troubled with
OBSERVATION-DISCLOSURES Statesman.
II see. Josiah. that somebody has
found out that college life decreases
the desire Of girls to marry" "I'll bet
the trouble Is. Nancy, that It decreases
the desire OF til" young fellows to
marry 'em."-Clevcland Plain Dealer.
"Are You going to entertain this
winterI" "Wcll." answered Mr.. Cum.
rox, mother ana the girls will have a
lot Of people ut the house. rs usual.
But ! never can tell whether they are
being entertained or borcd."-Ex.
change.
Modern Mother-Why. child alive,
Nvh uf tal In, ntr hnt l,.ss
clothes for? Modern Child--l'm going
to famine her to see II she's been
yaccinated. can't have 'er sprcadin'
'tagion among my other dollles.--Bal.
timOre American.
Judgc--You are charged with beat.
ing your wife every morning before
breakfast. What have you to say for
yourself? Prisoucr-Well. you see,
Judge. that's my best time, as have
to run for a ear as soon as breakfast
IL over."-EXchange
II half believe that there's skele-
ton In the Eissmore's closet" II
shouldn't wonder. One day when
Kissmore took me home with him I'M.
eXpectedly to dinner, ! thought ! heard
It throwing things at him out In the
kitchen. "--EXchange
Sources Daughter Ito gardeners
wife, who suffers from chronic rhou-
matism)-Have you ever tried Swcl.
ish massage, Mrs. Brown? Mrs. Brown
Il have heard say 1t be very good
for the rheumatics miss; but we don't
grow It In thes, parts.--Punch.
Customcr-IIow Is it that the price
Of q peck Of potatoes remains twenty
cents so far In the season? I'd think
the price would become larger as the
season advanced. Grocer-lt would,
madam, only It's so much easier TO
change the size Of the pecks.-Baltl.
more American.
Examining Physician (for insurance
company)-l'm afraid we can't take
yon. sir, You ne too great risk.
Applicant TcsIguellyl-Well, perhaps
| am. The fact Is, that when | get
| sick | never scad for a doctor. Just
lay around until | get we'll EXamin-
Ing Physiclan-Eh? um-we'll take
you.-New York Weekly.
Mrs. Hawkins-And ave you made
all the arrangements for yoar mar
rage. my dear? Mrs, Jorkins-Wcll,
rot quite all. I've got to buy ne
trooso. and take 'ouse, AMI get lie
husband Cob, ard buy i'm COOL
Snit a. ,In.lns and Snna rnp'l NJ