The Plymouth tribune. (Plymouth, Ind.) 1901-1911, 1905-05-25
Seth H0Idy'S DeeOI0l0n boy.

<C~N~>V S~/\~>~NNN~~->
a ETH HARDY had been out all
Nday, doing the patriotic on Decora-
" ton Day, very much as too many
others Of our citizens do it.
He regarded the day a fitting time
for celebrating, and after he had listened
TO the stirring speech of Gen. Porter.
who had been brought from the neighbOr-
ing city to deliver the address, he march
ed to the cemetery in the procession,
partook of the lemonads FURNISHED the
citizens by Col. Crockett. and Selt that
he had done his duty by the country and
it's dead soldiers. Then he went about
celebrating the day in his own way. No
matter just what that way was. There
are altogether too many people who look
upon Decoration Day as a time for
sports, fast driving, ball games, and a
general good time.
Seth came home about eight IL the
evening, tired, hungry and dizzy headed.
Mrs. Hardy had gone to a meeting of
the Patriotic Daughters of Thomas JEFF
ferson; and Peggy, the maid of all work,
had a day off.
Mr.. Hardy's home was dark and empty
when he admitted himself with his latch
key, and CROPPED his way through the
front hall to the sitting room.
''Confound it all.' said Hardy to him.
self. as he struck his shins against the
obtrusive rocker of a chair, there ain't
anything in this house managed as it
ought to be since Sarah Ann joined that
club. The women are all talking about
their spheres. Humph. the place for a
woman is to home. That's her sphere
the proper sphere for the female sect.
YES, sir. Sarah Ann says l amt adj
vanced. Perhaps l amt, and what's
more. l don't want to be advanced, ana
l won't be advanced. No. ma'am. Gee
whizz, There's that blasted chair right
in my path again, Darn a rocking chair.
anyway
Mr. Hardy got on his feet, rubbed the
back of his leg where the rocker had
raked off the skin, and felt of the spot
on his temple where his head had hit the
corner of the handicapped center table.
Nobody but fool woman would have
a rocking chair setting RICH in the mid
die of the room to waylay and shipwreck
every innocent person that happened, to
be navigating in that vicinity" said Har-
DIV. Indignantly. "Now, where in the
world are the matches? Good gracious
it's the very first time in my life that |
didn't have a pocket full of 'em about
me. Ho, here's a bunch of 'em.' And
Mr.. Hardy began to scratch. scratch.
scratch on every available piece of fur
niture, including the leg Of his panta-
looms, but no light followed He put one
of the supposed matches to his nose.
Great Scott. They're toothpicks
Now. who on earth ever put toothpicks
where a man that bad just come home at
night. and on Decoration Day night too.
would find 'em the first thing? Nobody
but a fool Who'd be likely to want to
pick teeth in the dead of night in my
sitting room? Yes, who? All, ha, Here's
match, at last! Now, then, for some
thing to eat! I'm famished as bear in
the spring time, gentle Annie Sarah
Jane-no, by Jove. Her names Sarah
Ann. but somehow my head is awfully
muddled-must be going without my din
ner-Sarah Ann baked mince pies last
week, and there was one on the table
that night that the minister and his wife
took tea here. Must be FIVE more of 'em
Now, Sarah Ann says that eating mince
pie is liable to give a man the neuras-
then-no, the neu-rumpses-no, the neu-
rotic-darned if l know just what it is
that it does give him! But it's something
that's got a neu to it, anyway. Now,
| wonder where she put them pies.
Sarah Ann beats any woman that ever
was born for hiding thingsr'
Mr.. Hardy proceeded to make an ex-
haustive tour of the different cupboards
and closets, but no mince pie rewarded
his efforts.
Nothing more edible than a slice of
cold ham, and a, cup of sulphur and mo-
lasses, rhich was Mrs. Hardy's spring
medicine, met his eyes in the course of
his investigations.
''She must have chucked 'em down
cellar somewhere" he said to himself.
wall, may be she thinks / can't smell
'em out. Ha, ha! as sure as you live l
scent spicer' and Mr.. Hardy gave a
satisfied sniff as he opened the door of a
closet In the cellar and peered cautious
ly inside
by Jinks!'' he cried, "if l amt in
luck, Five Of 'em, and a sponge cake
besides. And doughnuts, too! My. but
Sarah Ann can cook. I'll eat couple or
the pies, and throw the plates away
She'll think they've been burglarized
while we were away decorating. Great
scheme. Ha. hal how everlasting hop
ping mad she'd be if she could behold the
partner of her joys and sorrows now.'
Mr.. Hardy executed a pirouette, with
his mouth full of pie, and his eyes greed
lily fixed ON the golden sponge cake which
he had resolved should follow the pie
as soon as he had cleared the way for it.
Much obliged to you, old lady," he
said, as he swallowed the last remnant
Of the pie, ''and my compliments to you.
my dearest madam!
Now, then, to sample the Cake
But the sample was never taken, for
Just then there was an ominous creaking
sound above stairs, the cellar door open
ed, and light appeared.
"Jest like Seth Hardyg'' q high-pit<ksd