The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1905-12-03

fth' tlllyphone. I have Aoared it above
tn tulnult " battle. I read it TO Pier
Poht Morgan, an he was SO overcome
ne give me a job. 1 raytUsed il onIess
ne would let me keep m old wan too
he APPRECIATED ne sintimints He
SAID ne was father himself. an ne
Wud consint on condition that l didn't
get IN two jobs mixed up. They must
be Kept apart. AS a banker, twas me
BUSINESS 10 sell; as a life insurance
tthrustee, to buy; no middlemen, ye see.
| viii now read We this sacred docy-
mint; "Bucyrus, Ohio. July wan, eigh-
teen sivinty-fVe-Dear Son-Owin' to
TIN excessive noises emanatin' firm
ye'er face, I have decided that We must
go into business. Ye'er mother an me
hasn't had a wink fr a week, on ac-
count " ye'er talkin' in ye'er sleep. TIL
anniversaries is loose. tn dure is off
tn hinges, tn clock has stopped an tn
nelghbors ARE complainin'. 1 can't
wear ear-muffs all summer, an we
must part. l didn't know what bust
ness to put We in at first. But whin
heerd We talk ye'er little sister into
savin' up in yeer own savins bank. I
knew We was cut out FIR life insur-
ance man. 1 have got We a job in a
L
hear ye'er artless prattle. Nav
fathers blessing attind We, me manly
little gas main, in ye'er new vinture
Firm ye'er affictionate father" An.
there, gintlman, in this sainted missive,
stained with me fathers tears an me
own thumb-marks, is me answer to
ye'er question. Gintlemen, me life is an
open book
''Misther Hughes-'Th' Newgate Cal
endar?'
"Gabby George-'Thank We I'm OBJ
lged to We. I thank We again. Thank
We. Thank We Thank We. Have a good
cigar. Put it in ye'er pocket to smoke
afther supper Thank We. 1t has been
very pleasant day. Are We all in
sured? Very well, thin, an he stepped
down.
Mex come Misther McGauI.
''Misther Hughes-'Misther McGaul.
in lookin' over ye'er books I find that
most iv tn business iv ye'er comp'ny
was bribin' Legislatures. Will We have
tn goodness an hardihood to explain?'
TWAS A NOBLE JOKE
''Misther McGaul-'Tm glad to.
Gentlemen, what We so properly but
coorsely call brides was RELY a fund f'r
tn difinse iv our country against its
tbraitrous inimies.S Ye think 1 arne
wan hundred thousand year
invistin' tn money iv tn poor.
Ye wrong me. That is job
thousands iv men wud pay r'r tn priv
'lege iv doin.' The rake-off-but 1 di-
gress. No, gintlemen, I dhraw me
small but sufficient stipend as a path |
rite. l am an experienced, up-to-date,
skilled pathrite. I larned tn thrade as
& boy. I love tn flag. I wud die FIR it !
almost. Rather thin see it dishonor- |
ed, I wud sacrifice livery dollar in our |
threasury over an above salaries rint, |
fixed charges. commissions inthreSt,
an cigar money But am no dhream- |
er. I am a practical pathrite I am no
Caseybianca I'm more like Washin' |
ton, Lincoln, an'-let us say-Addicks. |
Does a vicious legislature seek to des-
throy tn boolwarks iv our liberty, |
which is life insurance We sind than |
a bunch iv tn patriotic leaflets issued |
be tn Threasury Department, an they |
desist ontil their hotel bills comes due |
again. At Albany, at Harrisburg, at |
Springfield, at livery cintre iv sedition I |
have a gallant little Spartan band |
stampin' out tn vipers. TIL comp'ny |
supplies tn stamps. Whin tn Bryan |
craze ar-rose an threatened tn very |
heart iv' our raypublic-th' dollar-who |
shtud between fair Columbya an thin |
that wud despofl her? Only me. Nc
Gaul, that all. Onaided an alone with |
out askin' a clint firm amy man, |
whit at wanst to tn threasurer iv tn
BILL says T. ''have We much |
money in tn dhrawer?'' "a good DEAL"
says he. Does amy iv it belong to we |
or me?" says T. about five dollars"
sas he. "Thin," says I, 'sind TIN r-rest
over to tn Raypublican Campaign
Comfy" I says 9TH nations honor |
must an shall be preserved says I.
An gintlemen, tn joke iv it was that |
half tn money belonged to dimmycrats. |
Wasn't that a good wan, though? Haw,
haw! There they were out West losin'
their Jobs an havin' their morgedges |
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