Lincoln County leader. [volume] (Toledo, Lincoln County, Or.) 1893-1987, 1905-05-05


Redhorse Dan-Kin We handle
gun, stranger? Percy Boulevarder-
don't have to. own an auto
Baltimore American.
Captain Showing her over the ship
This is the quarterback. Lady
Then suppose that deck down there
Is the ffty-cent deck.-Ex.
Mlstress-If you want eggs to keep,
you must lay them in cool place.
! Bridget-Oi'll mintion it to the hens
at wanst, mum.-Illustrated Bits.
"You ran over that chap. Are you
going to stopY Yes, just as soon as
we reach a repair shop. l heard some
thing break when we hit him.Y-Life.
/ Mrs. Dobbs-How Is your new
neighborhood? Mrs. Dibbs-Oh, just
like the other one; all the rich people
talk poor, and all the poor people talk
rich.-Puck.
Rev. DR.. Thlrdly-Don't you know,
little boy, that you shouldn't fish on
the Sabbath day? Tommy Toddles-I
amt a-fishin', boss; I'm JUS teachin'
worms how ter swlm.-Chicago ChrOn-
lcle.
IL see 1t stated here that the Sultan
wears an iron undershirt." Say, |
wish l had one like it to send to my
\ laundry. I'd like to get even with 'em
once in a while. Plain
Dealer.
Hester-I hear that Bessie's engage
+, ment with Fred Simmons Is broken
of. Too bad, isn't it2 Grace-But
she's going to keep the diamond ring.
Hester-Oh, l didn't hear vi that
Exchange.
r. Still Able to Attend to Business:
81 told Uncle Simon that he was get
ting too old and feeble to attend to
business" Did he take 1t kindlyP
He threw me out Of his Otfice."-
Vanity Fair.
An Inducement: Peddler-Want TO
buy an umbrella cheap2 Krankley-
&. No. What's the use? Everybody
stea1s my umbrellas. Peddler-Well.
this: :one amt worth stealin'.-Philadel-
9hi$ Ledger.
Z AeGgthought you were quite well ac-
quatnted with Brown" said Ascum.
NO, indeed" replied Cholly; law
NonB associate with my equals,
aid" Really, you should aim higher
" than that."-Ex.
Dawkins-And was 1t very hot In In
dia? Jawkins-Hot! Simply melting.
Why, one of our fellows stayed out
too long in the sun one day, and had
to be ladled back to his bungalow
London Tit-Bits.
"Do you expect to send your son to
, college" "Well, | haven't decided
yet. In view Of the hazlng and the
, football, I'm half inclined to believe 1t
would be more merclful to finish him
I'D with chloroform '-Chicago Record
Herald.
Stranger-So you went to school
: with Rudolph Kipling, eh? l suppose
you know he Is now famous wrlter2
Uncle Fletch-Sho! Why, him an me
used ther same copybook, an | know
my writin' d beat hisn all holler-
Exchange.
'fWhat is a counter-irritant?" asked
Mrs. Smithers. "A counter-lrrltant,'
) replied Smithers, sis a woman who
makes the clerk pull down everything
on the shelves for two hours, and then
buys four cents worth of hairpins. -
Cleveland Press.
"Ughw exclaimed the exchange tick
, ct withdrawing as far as possible into
the corner of the pocket, you're from
a pawnshop." Suppose | am" retort-
ed the pawn ticket, 81 am the pawn
shops one redeeming ature."-Phil-
adelphia Ledger.
Naggus-What are you goinng to do
with the hero and heroine Of that mag
azine story you're running now? Mar
ry them? Borus-Certainly They'll
be married in the last chapter. Nagg-
us-Tm glad Of it. 1t will serve them
right!-Chicago Tribune.
Distinguished Artist-Perhaps If you
came here you will get better light
on the picture. This studio Is not
nearly large enough Fair Visitor
(desirous to understand)-Yes, yes; [
know. One can't get far enough away
from your pictures!-Punch.
Employment Agent-What was the
, matter with your last place? Domes-
; tic-The missus was too particuer.
Employment Agent-In what way?
Domestic-She wouldn't let me lock
the baby in the foldin' bed wen l had
company,-New York Weekly.
In Good Trim.-Cityman-S you
> are going to plant garden again this