davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Topeka state journal., 1905-11-09
POINTED PARAGRAPHS.

LFrom the Chicago News.1
You can't always tell-unless you
are a woman.
The uglier the man the prettier the
girl he maTries
A stiff upper lip doesn't amount to
much if the lower jaw is too timber.
The foundation of true happiness is
being satisfied with present posses
sions.
Music may be the food of love, but
marriage requires something more
substantial.
The so-caIled cast of features of the
average man looks far more like a
wild throw.
A pessimist's life is seldom as great
a burden to him as it is to his neigh
bors.
Few bachelors would object to being
taxed if it would only insure them
against designing mothers
When man gets beat at any kind
of a game he always tries to square
himself by saying that he is out of
practice.
The handiwork of nature must be
unsatisfa ctory to most women. judg-
ing from the amount of coin they
spend for cosmetics.
The Topeka state journal., 1905-11-09
GLOBE SIGHTS.


The man who talks too much. as a rule,
does not talk enough at the rlsht Ilie.
Two heads are better than one, but one
of them nearly always does the business
After a woman has had her fortieth
birthday she should stop putting post
scripts on her letter.
When q traveller wants to express the ne
fnIIncsS of his contempt for a tram, ne
refers to it as a milk train.
A woman's distrust of her husband
really isn't serious until she beglns 70
call some other woman q serpent.
When girl quits her position down
town. she should always be prepared for
the marrying story that will be started on
her.
What has become of the old fashioned
woman whose idea of high art was to put
a piece of red flannel in the bowl of the
lamp?
What has become of the old fashioned
man who said, on being caught playing
cards on Sunday. 1.-The better the day
the better the deed?"
Here is something to make you scream:
They tell of a mother in Coolidge who was
returning from the burial of one of her
children, and whipped the remaining child
while in the carriage because 1t stepped
on her foot.
Etiquette is supposed to be stronger in
women than in men, But at the theater
turbed during the performance by men S
voices, and did you ever attend any place
of the kind. but that somewhere in the
audience there have been wonnea convers-
ing in an annoying WayZ
The truth about the matter is that
1T doesn't mean much when a young
man goes on his knees to a woman,
and an old mans knees are so stiff
he isn't able to
THE only difference between the
new woman and the DID, says a club
woman, tis that the old woman work
ed for her board, and the new woman
works for wages" Perhaps there is
something in this.
late at night to darn the stockings, is
up often in the night with the sick
babies, and arises at to cook break
fast. OF late she has developed
feverish interest in the Kansas City
papers. What are you reading in
them % said her husband one evening.
tI am watching the case of that Mrs.
Alexander who fell asleep in August,
and has been sleeping ever since I
am watching to see If any one win be
mean enough to wake her up
The Topeka state journal., 1905-11-09

sent to the citizens friends2 ?" ques-
toned Miss Anthony.
Certainly. if Mr.. Pearson had any
clerk or secretary IN his office the dep
uty marshal would likely notify THAI
person, and Mr.. Pearson could send g
message to his family Il he has one
Miss Anthony n1d Miss Daring az-
changed slances. They knew tnat a1E-
Pearson had no family, and 81 the time
Of his unWelc0me seizure he had no
clerk, and Miss Anthony knew why no
message had been sent to her.
And Mr.. Pearson cannot come away
he is-he Is held thereP
Held by the government eS se-
turned sniIingly.
Miss Anthony thanked him aourte-
ously and he passed on.
Miss Darling unlocked the Gcor ana
the two girls entered the Office.
rs the work kr. Pearson wanted
done all stenograDhic woriks' Miss
Anthony asked.
Not all There are some abstracts
to be copied, and"
81 shall help you," with gsnt3e de-
cision.
When the grand jury adjourned Unit
ed States Marshal Brown handed a note
to Jurynan Pearson.
Miss Darling and I have your Work
nearly done read the astoHNshed Fear
son. Please come to me as soon &c
you are released. think we had bet
ter arrange matters 50 that II you are
held by the government again you VIII
have soma one 20 whom message
must be sent.
(Copyright. 1908, by T. G. PareelIs-)
The Topeka state journal., 1905-11-09
QUAKER REFLECTIONS.

TFrom the Philadelphia Record.l
Many a man is crooked because that
is his natural bent.
Lots of the best things in life cost
nothing but an effort.
When fellow can't pay his bills
there's the devil to pay.
Even the fellow who wears patched
shoes should put his best foot for
ward.
To make a woman completely happy
you must occasionally quarrel with
her.
Lots of people who think they are
IN the swim are not even getting their
feet wet.
It's the mean things we can do to-
day that some of Us never put of till
tomorrow.
The man who can truthfully say
that he has never made a fool of him
self has never been IN love.
Wigg-'sYoung Gotrox has money to
burn Wagg-'aThen I'll bet he
never has to. go begging for a light
A furnace never should be told
It's duties to perform:
II you but know, it must be coaled
Before It can be warm
The Topeka state journal., 1905-11-09
Declined the Case.

A young but prosperous lawyer of
this city yesterday told this story of a
case he had just refused to handle.
A woman whose son was about to be
placed on trial for burglary sent for
the attorney to meet her in court. He
FASTENED thither with all speed, and
when he entered the court room the
old woman rushed up to him and in
an excited voice said: "dr. b, I
want you to get a remand for my boy
Jimmy" Every WE'LL replied the
lawyer, aI will do my best, but 1t will
be necessary for me to present the
court some grounds for a remand.
What shall I say?" After thinking
for a moment the woman offered
her suggestion. "Just say that I want
to wait until can get d better lawyer
to speak for the boy" the anxious
mother replied. The lawyer told her
she had better get that other lawyer
at the start. and left her very much
surprised woman. He didn't know
whether to laugh or get mad on his
way back to his Office. He finally
concluded it to be a good story and
is now busy telling it to his friends
Philadelphia Record
The Topeka state journal., 1905-11-09
The Religious Waistcoat.

The Rev. W. L. Hood of Bristol. r.
4, caused a good deal of discussion re-
Gently with the statement that his two
children, both under ten years, had
never siZned
A Bristol ehurchman, in commenting
on MIR. Hoods claim, said the other
day with a humorous smile:
Those two children must have &on-
sciences as clear as the conscience of
an old colored man down one of our
back streets.
The old man-Romulus was his
name-took sick one day, and in a lit
Tie while it looked as if his end was
near. The minister was sent for, and
came promptly-a stout man, done up
IN one of those religious waist-coats
without any buttons down the front or
any opening at the neck.
li-s:
q Is your mind at ease, brother?'
Yas, sah,' answered the old man.
Are you sure there's nothing trou-
bling your the minister went on. If
there is, speak up. Don't be afraid. I
am here to help and comfort you
'Dey is one fng, jes one, sah, said.
Romulus, dat 'pIexes.'
What is it. my brother?' the min
lister murmured.
" 'Ah kain't fo' de life o. me make
out, sah,' said the old man, how yo'
gits yo'se'f inter dat dere vest Elk
change.
The Topeka state journal., 1905-11-09
IuLARR

'Roek-a-by baby, on the treetop.''
sang to my baby fair
AS ran my fingers tenderly
Through her curling golden hair.
When the wind blows. the cradle will
And baby win go to sleep;
And when the dear eyes open again
Wen sing about Little Bopeep.
For, little Ropeen fell fast as4een"
AS you must nv hahn, sse9vs
And naanrna'U watch o5sv Won fandavIxy
so you never need fear.
When the bough breaks. the cradle will
:, And And down comes my baby fair,
Safe IN the beautiful Land of Dreams,
with cherubs and fairies there.
Alice Phillips Aldrich in Nfyerson' 8
Magazine
The Topeka state journal., 1905-11-09
The CIerical NfiIk DeaIer.

Sir Charles kirkpatrick, of the visit
ing English football team, was drink
ing milk with his luncheon in a Phila-
delphia hotel.
milk is a good drink" a visitor
said.
.'sYes.' agreed the other. "and when
ever I take it I think of a curate in
Surrey. near my Crawley place.
This curate had a small salary and
a fine lot of cows. He decided, there
up a little shop and bought a wagon,
and on his sign his name appeared
John Vincent, NJ. A He was an Ok
ford man, you see, and proud of his
degree.
But one morning he overheard two
farm hands talking before the shop.
sWot does the IN A" mean on
that there sign p said the first.
'' Milk 'Awker, o. course the other
responded''
The Topeka state journal., 1905-11-09
A Small Rope.

DR.. B. 3. Norland, of Wheatley, Mimi.
is said to hold that mosquitoes bring
about marriages, the same mosquito. in
the summer time, biting a young man
and a maid, and thus causing a transit
ton of blood and mutual affection.
Il did say that mosquitoes caused
marriages." admitted DR. Norland the
other day; 'but the statement was q
facetious one. To take it seriously is
a mistake-a ludicrous mistake, like
that which Black. the artist, made.
Black lived near here. He was a
handsome chap, but poor. He fell in
love with Nancy Lee, a rich sea cap
tain's daughter.
s'And his suit prospered, though he
pressed it very tinidly. fearing that
rich old Skipper Lee would not care to
see his darling Nancy marry a poverty
stricken artist.
''As to Nancy's mind, there was no
question; she loved Black ardently.
''rre sa+ with her one night in the
~arlor, with the light lowered, when
suddenly, from the next room, Captain
Lees gruff voice shouted:
- 'Leggo that painterp
Poor, tinid, mistaken Black drew
away from the girl, grabbed his hat,
and darted out into the road: but Nan
cy, overtaking him, explained that her
father was talking in his sleep, and
that a painter in sea language, meant
only a small rope. .''-Exchanges~
The Topeka state journal., 1905-11-09

Tammany must have been playing
football with the Hearst supporters in
agew York Tuesday. One Hearst man
came in to headquarters with an arm
broken. another with an eye gouged
out. still another had a Anger chewed
of. and others were IN various stages
Of disagreement. With real excit-
fnr election day and a Thanksgiving
football game In the same month,
Kew york ought to have excitement
- burn.
The Topeka state journal., 1905-11-09
He Deserved spanIzlng.

Mrs. John p Newman, Bishop New
mans widow, who proposes to found a
kindergarten in Jerusalem. has q great
aTTection for children, and a great store
of chiIdren's anecdotes.
Anent an embarrassing situation, she
said one day:
This reminds me of a dinner that a
Denver woman gave during a Method
ist convention in her city.
THE dinner was sunnptuous. The lead
ing lights Of the church and Of the
state were there. A presiding elder, in
taking a drink Of water, broke a glass.
1.-The hostess began to assure the eld-
er that the accident was of no conse-
quence. but her well-modulated voice
was easily overpowered by the loud
shout of her little son.
p %. mamma he cried, it's one OF
the borrowed ones, isn't It ? Los An
eeles Times.
The Topeka state journal., 1905-11-09
Wall Street Honesty.

John Alexander Dowie before he set
out for his Mexican colony. talked
about Wall street honesty. In conclu-
sion he said:
YES, my friend, the honesty of these
financiers reminds me of that of the
tramp who found a purse.
1.-TWO tramps entered a railroad sta
tion to get a drink of ice water, and
one of them, seeing a richly dressed
woman drop her pocketbook, picked it
up and returned 1t to her.
His companion was enraged and
shocked.
Don't you know better he cried,
than to give back a purse like that?
Why didn't you keep it for yourself.
you doIt?'
-. .Ah. john said the other, honesty
is the best policy when a policeman is
lookin', and besides, there was nothin'
in the purse. Exchange.
The Topeka state journal., 1905-11-09
SOME COOP ADVICE.

Young man, If you give the farmer
for whom you work a square deal, if
You do your work well, if you are hon
est, industrious and saving, you will in
time own a farm of your own. Don't
shirk your work. don't kick. don't
growl. Keep in mind all the time that
a square deal is the thing, and you will
win out. One-half the owners of farms
in this county were at the beginning
hired boys.-ElDorado Republican.
The Topeka state journal., 1905-11-09

Japan has settled down to civil life
again and her great army is being
turned into civilian chanels. The real
strength of Japans army was due to
the fact that it was a citizen soldiery,
not a great mass of men trained and
drilled out of all sympathy with civil
pursuits.-Birmingha Ledger.
The Topeka state journal., 1905-11-09
REFLECTIONS or A BACHELOR

EFrom the New York Press.l
A prophet is without votes in his
own party.
The dignity Of labor Is not to be
compared with the grace Of .fdleness-
One bad thing about kissing a girl
in the dark IS you sometimes miss her.
a woman Is never SO sure of thing
as when her reason tells her it can't
be so.
A man has to run for an Office to
find out how many people there are
who are sure he is a knaves
The Topeka state journal., 1905-11-09

Il is said that Cape Cod has fallen
down on cranberries this year. This,
and the fact that the turkey crop is
also reported short, makes the
Thanksgiving proclamations sound
hollow and void.
The Topeka state journal., 1905-11-09
HOW TT HAPPENED.

In Illinois a check was returned to
bank depositor bearing the words
mo funds This was. in ignorance.
construed to mean that the bank was
out Of money, and run resulted. The
bank suffered considerably through an
ignorant error of one of its clients, and
som mething of this sort is usually to
blame for financial 1urries.-Law-
renee Journal
The Topeka state journal., 1905-11-09

stronger in Ohio today than he was a
year ago when he carried the state by
100000 plurality.
There is also little lesson in the
Ohio returns for other United States
senators who are waVering about com
ing out on the side Of Roosevelt in the
coming contest.
The Topeka state journal., 1905-11-09

What a difference circumstances
sometimes maket A year ago Hearst
and Tammany were lighting together.
shoulder to shoulder. Now they are still
lighting together but they are facing
one another, and Mr.. Hearst is very in
aignant at Tammany's methods.
The Topeka state journal., 1905-11-09

The revolutionists desire to impress
on the czar that the kind of a represen-
eative government they want is one IN
which they can pick out the men who
FTill DO the representing
The Topeka state journal., 1905-11-09
no DRAFT ROOSEVELT.

welt will not be a candfdate for re-
election unless the people draft him,
but it is also as good as a moral GER
eainty that this is just what they will
do and members of all political parties
will be present at the drafting
Cofeyville Record.
The Topeka state journal., 1905-11-09

All Of the insurance presidents have
not been put on the rack. The newly
elected governor Of Ohio is an insur-
ance president. His turn is just com
ghg. The office seekers are after him.
The Topeka state journal., 1905-11-09

"a Russell butcher says an ex-
change, ''vvho toppled from the top of a
stepladder was saved a hard fall by q
meat hook which caught him on the
ay." That's a funny place for q. hook
fn catch
The Topeka state journal., 1905-11-09
MR. SAGE.

skindicate revelations and bribery
fund disclosures leave Mr.. Russell Sage
unscathed. Gradually he looms up as
the most admirable character in Wall
street.-New York Press.
The Topeka state journal., 1905-11-09

The milxado has just passed his fifty
fourth birthday If the mikado takes
care of himself it viii probably be some
tine yet before he becomes an Illus
trious ancestor of the sort that gets
credit Tor things.
The Topeka state journal., 1905-11-09
FRON OTHER PENS
UNNECESSARY.

It appears that the railroads are 60
ing to lot of unnecessary trouble to
defeat the presidents railroad bill
when they know that such a bill is
unconstitutional" Kansas City Star.
The Topeka state journal., 1905-11-09

Folk has been hailed as the La Fol-
lette of Missouri, and some of La Fol-
lettes admirers refer to him as the
Folk of Wisconsin, but neither of them
has as yet been called the Napoleon of
nything.-Chicago Record-Herald.
The Topeka state journal., 1905-11-09

Now that election is over Hearst
and WINS are joining forces. If they
had thought Of that a little sooner
there would have been no need for it
now
The Topeka state journal., 1905-11-09

San Domingo is also threatening a
revolt, but it won't make much head
way in the newspapers while the
aearst revolt is on in New York.
The Topeka state journal., 1905-11-09

For many years It was a matter OF
concern to Car Nicholas that he did
not have little czarevitch to whom he
might leave his crown as autocratic
ruler of Russia. Now that he has his
little czarevitch, it is probably a matter
of deeper concern to Nicholas that he
has no crown of autoeraey to leave
him.-Savannah News.
The Topeka state journal., 1905-11-09
HOW 10 ENFORCE.

chewing and milling going on at
Topeka over the enforcement of the
prohibitory law we wish to call the
attention of the state officials to the
county attorney of Dickinson county
and to his motto: The way to enforce
is to enforce.-Abilene Reflector.
The Topeka state journal., 1905-11-09

one thing that viii help Hearst in
the minds of the public In his contest
with Tammany is the fact that Jerome
IS with him.
The Topeka state journal., 1905-11-09
COMMON IN LRAvENWORTH

A one legged man on skates is a
source of amusement in Topeka just
now, as q two legged man on a skate
is in Leavenworth,-Lea
The Topeka state journal., 1905-11-09

If Mcclellan gets a majority of the
votes in New York city tomorrow, it
viii be just like the papers to rise up
ana ask him, How did you get it2's
Ihat IS what they are asking Tammany
now regarding it's money.-Salina
Journal.
The Topeka state journal., 1905-11-09

Notwithstanding the reelection of
aEayor Mcclellan Tuesday, the result is
really q stiff rebuke for Tammany.
The Topeka state journal., 1905-11-09

1t really looks as though Maryland
prefers negro domination" to Cor
man domination, If it has to make a
choice
The Topeka state journal., 1905-11-09
WISE AND OTHERWIsE.

Senator Depew says it is not wise for
corporations to contribute funds to po-
litical campaigns; Indeed, it's quite
otherwise if il gets found out.-Houston
Chronicle.
The Topeka state journal., 1905-11-09
ANOTHER JOB FOR TAFT.

Secretary Taft still intends to visit
Panama. It would be a good idea to
send Taft, while he is down that way,
over into Venezuela to overawe Castro.
Atlanta Journal.
The Topeka state journal., 1905-11-09

with Jerome reelected district at
torney, Boss Murphy will be very
careful to hide all evidences of where
he gets st in the future.
The Topeka state journal., 1905-11-09

In New York there is a school fol
thieves. The impression prevails tha-
some of the life insurance magnate:
ought to hold dfplomas.-BiTmingh
News
The Topeka state journal., 1905-11-09

Tt is stim the open season for grand
dukes in Russia.
The Topeka state journal., 1905-11-09

The great lie insurance companies
being eleemosynafy' and missionary in
stitutions, it is up to Deacon Rockefel-
Ter to donate them a bunch for the good
of the noble cause.-Atlanta Constitu
ton.
The Topeka state journal., 1905-11-09

Very likely President Roosevelt
Thanksgiving proclamation would
have been more fervent had he been
sure that congress will act right dur
ing the next few months
The Topeka state journal., 1905-11-09

Since the strikers have become SC
strong in Russia, Chicago knows just
how Russia feels.
The Topeka state journal., 1905-11-09
CAN'T DELIVER THE GOODS.

y MT GaFHeId did promise The beer
packers immunity from punishment
there is nothing in the promise to fur
nish anw particular comfort to the
packers. Mr. Garfield is merely placed
in the position of a man who couldn't
deliver the goods.-OttaWa Herald.
The Topeka state journal., 1905-11-09

Very likely Murphy is now wonder
ing where Hearst got tt-an OF those
votes.
The Topeka state journal., 1905-11-09

Better make a note in your memory
OF who WINS IS. You won't remember
very long If YOU don't.
The Topeka state journal., 1905-11-09

The straw vote in New York last
week seems to have been like the real
thing, instead OF away off. as it usu-
,7r-~ sa
The Topeka state journal., 1905-11-09

This is q good time to remember thaf
Christmas is coming and you will sooT
need the money.
The Topeka state journal., 1905-11-09

Members OF the cabinet now have
an eleventh commandment to obey. L
Is, ''Thou shalt not talk
The Topeka state journal., 1905-11-09

For q reforrner Mr.. W. T. Jerome
seems to be exceedingly successful in
getting the votes.
The Topeka state journal., 1905-11-09

Now will the New York Life do as
ar. Vandiver says?
The Topeka state journal., 1905-11-09

The result in Maryland, My Mary
land. must be very discouraging to
Author Thomas Dixon.
The Topeka state journal., 1905-11-09

The State Journal IS a member Of the
Associated Press and receives the full day
telegraph report OF that great news or
ganization for exclusive evening puna-
cation 81 Topeka.
The State Journal receives for exclusive
publication the leased wire report Of the
Eubiishers' Press for the edition for sun
day morning.
The news Is received in the State Jour
nal building over wires for this sole pur-
pose.
The Topeka state journal., 1905-11-09

Mr.. Stammerton-Oi verai-er-that is.
M-M-A9iss Sere, I-er-lul-Iul-IuI-
Hiss Sere tcoyly)-Yes. Mr.. Stammer-
ton say it; don't be afraid
Mr.. stammerton-Tm afraid it's g-g-
going to t-t-t-talSe me so luI-long to
say it that you'd bub-bdtter remark
This is SO sudden ow.-PhiiadeiDhla
Press
The Topeka state journal., 1905-11-09

What made you so ratified when you
were giving your testimony in that Jury
trial2" said Grace.
One of those lawyers was beau Ia
Just thrown down" confessed Dora, tsand
was scared for fear he'd ask my age out
of spite. and never was on cath before
Detroit Free Press.
The Topeka state journal., 1905-11-09

The moment the nurse turned her back
the rich baby ran over and kissed the
poor baby frantically.
IT'S such a relief to get hold Of some
body who isn't sterilized," he exclaimed,
in baby talk, for he spoke no English
It understand. old man" re5oined the
poor baby, duIgently.-BrookIyn Life.
The Topeka state journal., 1905-11-09

Another thing, colonel. said the inter-
viewer, I'D like to have you tell our
readers how You get your start in life.''
Fell down stairs at the age Of six
months, replied the coloneL-CleyeIand
Plain Dealer
The Topeka state journal., 1905-11-09

Mrs upjohn-What is the trouble be-
tween you and Mrs EIighmus?
Mrs. EsxcleW-There is no trouble We
don't go shopping together any more
that's all. She mortified me beyond meas
ure the other morning. when we were at
q furniture store. by asking the salesman
if he would be kind enough to explain to
her the difference between a hessock ara
an ottoman.-ChicaGo Tribune.
The Topeka state journal., 1905-11-09

The young mother gazed upon her first
born and Wept conyulsiyely. They appeal
ed to her to know why her great grief
'sAlas!'' she walled. as with intensest ag-
ony, TN afraid he viii wear side vyhis-
kers when he grows up."-Browning
Magazine.
The Topeka state journal., 1905-11-09

Senator" asked the sweet girl. do you
believe there can be any such thing as
honest graft ~
MY dear young woman. graft is a thing
that never talk about when I am trying
to avail myself of the benefits of physical
and mental relaxation. make 1t a rule to
try to leave my business at the office -
Record Herald.
The Topeka state journal., 1905-11-09

mo, Harold said the faff. proud girl.
f'I can never be yours
''Never?'' he cried, in anguished tones.
'sNeveri she answered coldly.
His mood changed.
oh. very we'll" he sneered. There
yes. Harold. know there are.' she
said And I accepted one of them this
afternoon. Minneapolis Journal