Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1905-11-08
HIS INCOME TAX.

ear after year my grandfather would
declare that no power on earth would
induce him to pay his income tax. The
collector, q softspoken, easy going per-
son, accustomed to giving the soft an
swer which turned away the universal
wrath, knew my grandfather and his
ways
Income tax, indeed!" my grandfather
would say, with splendid sprnklln9
of forcible words, I've no income eH-
cept what belongs to my creditors \
nice government indeed that takes
away a mans income and then asks Inn
to pay a tax on it. If you want to know
where my income is, it's il the pockets
of my tenants. Make them pay my IN
come tax Sure, it's true Tor you, the
collector, whose name was Whelan and
ought to have been Wheedlin', would
say, turning the whites of his eyes to
the skies, Sure it's cruel hardship on
you. If | wasn't a government Official
myself, It's saying Bad luck to then
land acts!' I'd be. you're a decent fel-
low, Whelan," my grandfather would
remark invariably, L wonder why you
ever took to SO dirty a trade"
Then the whisky bottle would be pro-
duced and passed around, and my grand
father, taking a sip, would say, "Well,
here's health and bad luck to the income
taxi" and Mr. Whelan would swallow
the toast with the whisky. Up to the
last day my grandfather always refused
to pay The last day we always had
Mr.. Whelan as our guest. He used to
sit alone in chilly unoccupied draw
ing room, with the chairs draped in hol-
land over their old chintzes, and would
receive messages through Mary Kate
Flavin, the parlor maid. "The master
says of you'll give it up you're to have
dinner and glass of grog. If you won't
give it up, it's time you'd be goin' home
A cryptic message, but one which Mr..
Whelan seemed to understand. He had
heard it often enough to be slre He
never did 90 home, and he always had his
dinner and a glass of greg and his TIA to
follow.
1t wasn't in my grandfather to be IN
hospitaDle. Since Mr.. 'Thelan was his
guest willy -nilly, why, there were worse
fellows than Whelan to smoke a pipe
with, and drink a glass of grog with;
and my grandfather was very gregarious
and a little bit lonely, so many of the
old familiar faces had dropped out.
Mr.. Whelan used to get him to talk of
his boyhood in the glens of Wicklow
That always put my grandfather in a
softened mood. To the last moment he
would swear that he would not pay. At
the last moment, or nearly the last mo-
ment, he invariably did. Once I remem-
Der he was moved to pay by Nh Whean
dropping his face in his hands and be-
ginning to weep, You won't paw" he
sobbed, and [ couldn't distrain on YOU
LII pay the tax myself, although I'm a
poor man and I've an old mother and a
poor idiot boy of a brother to support"
well, I'm dashed!" said my grand
father-only he didn't say, dashed"
i never thought to see a tax collector
crying, and because of me! I'm dashed
If it isn't worth the money Where's
the pen and ink and my checkbook? %
In an evil hour for the revenue in that
particular district, Mr. Whelan was
promoted. and was replaced by an UNI
compromising youth with sleek hair
parted down the middle of his head.
waXen image Of a face, spats on his
shoes, and the name of Evan LLOYD
LleWelyn Jones. The first time he called
for the income tax and my father replied
that he wasn't going to pay it he said
with an a9hast yisage, "Then we'll dis
train
"Distrain and be dashed!' my grand
father SAID, taking leaf frol the Iron
Duke on a certain famous occa sion. Il
never have paid, and [ won't pay now!"
1t IS way my grandfather had acquired
of believing what he wished to believe.
You never have paid!" Mr. Jones said.
with excessive horror. 'Never have paid
The income tax! Why, every one who
mas an income must pay the taxi His
mlnd was running on arrears of income
tax, making up sums in arithmetic which
mounted to an incredible total.
Never paid your income taxi" he said.
Ill distraught way, as he went off.
I've never heard the like. To be sure,
you must pay!" There was no whisky
Tor Mr.. Jones, no chat by the fire. no
pipe, no seat at the hospitable board.
An impudent Welsh puppy" said my
grandfather. wasn't an Irishman good
enough to do their dirty work without
foIstlng Welshman on us? I'm dashed
il I'm going to be walked over by "A
Welshman. [ won't pay, not if they
cook the best horse in my stables. and
that's mare, Wild Rosebud. I'll win
the grand national with her vet. Poor
Nhelan! Now, he was a decent fellow.
only too good for their dirty work.
Mi. Jones dropped notice after notice
at the hall door. Ny grandfather set
out the notices in row along the par
.oF chimney HIM piece, and surveyed them
with the pride of an Indian contemplat-
ing his scalps. let them distrain5'' he
said, gloomily, on the last day of grace,
as he cleaned out his pipe for an after
dinner smoke; but if they lay hand
on wild Rosebud, I'll make Europe ring
with it." He was interrupted by a rat
tat at the distant hall door.
That dashed Welshman again!" my
grandfather said, with glare in his eve.
However, it wasn't the Welsbman #
was the long-lost Whelan, and the ran
procurement between my grandfather
and HIM was touching. My grandfather
was simmering, boiling over with the tale
OF his wrongs at the hands of the Welsh
man However, before he could bpoin
MI Whelan, who had sunk into the chin
ney corner with his pipe and glass Just
as III old times, anticipated him. 1--WE
come to talk to you about tho ;,,ooo,o