davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Topeka state journal., 1905-04-24
$40 Nanes Coz CgllIdren.


The assessors in the coal camps
have peculiar experiences, sometimes
quite amusing ones
eve find many families who have
not named their smaller children, re-
marked an assessor. '*It is necessary
for US to put down the names of all.
and SO we overcome the difficulty by
naming the children ourselves. We
name all the boys, Johnny, and all the
girls, Mary The mothers think those
names are all right, and I shouldn't
wonder If the names stick to them. .
The assessors also have some trou-
Bile on account of people not knowing
how old they are.
You would be surprised at the
number of people in this county who
do not know how old they are. Many
Of the eolored people in the coal
camps cannot give their ages" re-
marked the assessor
One instance of this was rather hu-
morous. The assessor found a color
ed woman who couldn't for the life
of her think how old she was
''Wen, about how old then" said
the assessor. TT isn't so particular
that it be absolutely correct"
We'll, reckon I must be about
25," said the woman.
The assessor put her down at 25-
"And how old is your daughter
there" continued the assessor.
The woman didn't know but the
daughter. who was better posted,
spoke up:
ssT'ra just eighteen in March. -
Pittsburg, Kan. Headlight.
The Topeka state journal., 1905-04-24
QUAKER REFLECTIONS.
TFrom the Philadelphia Press

IFrom the Philadelphia Press.]
Some husbands are so perfect that It
seems as though their wives should have
them stuffed
The Bible is full of meek men, but is
strangely reticent about women who had
that Characteristic
Although the fashions are constantly
changing the summer girl is already
looking forward to the same old coat of
tan
workman-'.What we want is shorter
hours. Employer-"AH right. Suppose
we begin by shortening the dinner hour2'
Tommy. Pop. what does a volcano
beIch forth2 Tommy's Pop-s.Copy for
the newspaper correspondents, principal
ly.''
Nell-"CholIie says since he has taken
up physical culture he's as hard as nails =
Belle Finger nails, suppose he means -
Ne1l-''Has Jack Rapid done anything
unusual since he eIoped with that chorus
girl two years aso2'' BELIEVES, he has
not divorced her.
chollie-@He. called me a blithering
idiot. Freddy-"What did you do?s
Chollie-' Nothing yet. I'm waiting until
find out just what blithering means =
Dame Rumor raiseth quite a din;
Most mighty are her lungs
OF course a rumor's feminine.
It hath a thousand tongues
The Topeka state journal., 1905-04-24
GLOBE nGHTs.
[From the Atchison Giobe.1

From the AtchlSOn GIODe.l
He hates to make concessions more
than any man ever knew" a citizen
said today, speaking of a neighbor.
That is falling Of most people: they
dislike to make concessions.
A man who as talking today about
dull times. said: well, fof that mat
ter, it is dull everywhere. I was in St.
Joe the other day, and it Is mighty dull
Up there"
If you want to hear real excIama-
ton of envy, tell some married woman
of another woman whose husband let's
her have A Dollar Without Asking
What She Does With It
A new police regulation has been an
nounced. When a bar keeper sells a
man enough liquor to make him drunk
the drunken man will be locked in the
saloon with the bar keeper. By the
time the bar keeper hears all the
drunken mans songs and arguments,
it is believed he will agree to be more
careful in the future.
The Topeka state journal., 1905-04-24
would Get Used to 1t.

John Hanan told this story at a re-
cent dinner of the Shoe Manufactur-
ers' association about one of the em-
pIoyes in his factory:
Mr.. Hanan had become convinced
that the lasters in the factory could
turn out more and better work if
they stood up at their benches than if
the sat. He introduced this system.
Most of the younger hands took kindly
to it and were well satisfied with the
change. The older men found it hard
to break up the habit of lifetime, but
even they were won over gradually
until there was but one grunbler left
This man entered an appeal.
"Misther Hanan:" said he, stop
ping his employer in the shop, eve
worked fer you fer 20 year. All that
time I've sat at me bench as /! worked.
It's sorry I am to be the only one to
be unable to adjoost mesilf to tn new
ordher, but can't get used to it. I've
thried an thried, but it's no use Now
Misther Hanan. couldn't We grant the
one favor to an old hand an let me sit
down till I get used to standin' up?
It's sure I am that IN q short time
Ia be all rigEt.''-New York Sun.
The Topeka state journal., 1905-04-24
Death 70 Ilaziness.

An ounce Of anti-tozyin for Iaziness
is now on its way from Berlin to New
York. 1t is the discovery Of DR.. Wolf
gang Weichhardt. of Berlin. ard he
claims for it marked stfmula tive pro
pertles. He says Of one case that after
taking a few doses of the antf-toxfn in
pasrfles young woman was able to
lift a weight twice as heavy as before
The way the anti-toxin is procured is
thus described. : A guinea pig is resfuc-
ed by physical exertlon to a state of
absolute exhaustion and then killed
From the crushed muscles q stosri,, ~
exhaustion is obtained, which IS in
Jected into horses and they develop a
scaly anti-toxin-" Apparently this pre-
paratlon acts simply as nerve tonic.
muscles; but what do Americans want
OF an anti-toxin for laziness? They
need, rather, 4one which will induce a.
dlsposltion for more caImness and re-
pose--Rochester Democrat and Chroni-
The Topeka state journal., 1905-04-24
POINTED PARAaRAPHs.

TFroin the Chicago News.I
A society man is neither ornamental
nor useful
It's better to believe all you say than
half you hear.
Some men would rather go to jail
than hustle for living.
A girl is never satisfied until the
right man comes along. and says the
right thing at the right time.
There is something wrong with the
woman who declares that there isn't a
spark of jealousy in her makeup.
If a girl is entertaining a young man
with q mustacl1e in the parlor, she's
afraid the folks will misunderstood if
she sneezes.
When a woman wants to call her
husband down before company she
doesn't say a word. but just looks at
him ina peculiar way.
The Topeka state journal., 1905-04-24
JAYHAgyKEIs JoTs.

Easter gowns came near getting
frost bitten.
Pouring oil upon the troubled waters.
/ it is hoped. viii settle the sauna sua~
Of the state against castor.
An Abilene man is getting even with
/ Missouri shipments Of dizzy WHISKY py
sending back merry -go-rounds-
The opposing attorneys in a Buriing- I5s
ton law suit were Mr.. Bear ana N4I.
Wolf. If cunning was required the lae-
ter won in lope
The Hiawatha census taker found
five women morphine eaters IN one
| block. Are such cases without hope, or
is there a future?
himself the heir of $4,000. This beats
keeping company with ones self
through life in poverty
The Fort Scott ladies soap club do
not have the washtub as an emblem.
Their mission is merely one Of froth
and giittering bubbles.
The morning paper advocates Topeka
people buying only things manufactur-
ed in Topeka. Wouldn't it be wise to
draw the line at whisky.
All Of the four-legged donkeys in
Downs have been ordered from the
townsite by the council. The curbstone
prayers were left undisturbed.
Arkansas City claims that two-thirds
Of the southbound passengers get off
the trains at that point And yet it's
such a temperance town too. Sad, sad.
ottawa was astonished by the ap-
pearance of an OK team on its
streets recently. Insteadvof being driv-
en- by the gee and haw system reins
were used
After a slight quarrel an Armourdale
workman gave his wife his check to
cash. He nov. cooks his own pancakes
while the funnel shaped cloud is nloy-
ing eastward.
Several drunken Severance boys
threw the depot ticket case to the
marshal got after them and there were
tourists rates
A Topeka man has fallen heir to
100000 It was not a case of putting
his shoulder to fortunes wheels and
pushing either. The golden bark drifted
into his harbor without exertion.
Some women are getting so particu-
lar: An lola wife asks for a divorce,
Simply DCIduSC SIlc was A1ldQC 10 WUtA
in the field, left without fuel and food
and obliged to go to bed to keep from
freezing.
Topeka is a queer city: Easter Sun
day there were @heaters, baseball. au-
tomobile races and churches full of wo-
mems fnery undisturbed. It was the
poor chap that drank glass of beer
that committed crime.
Fifty lola citizens purchased Easter
gowns for their wives and forgot to
settle their light and water bills
What's the diff. Tt only means buying
a few talloW candles and carrying wa
ter from the neighbors until pay day.
The Topeka state journal., 1905-04-24

aally be scaIped BY Geronimo, the
Apache chief, and the proprietors of the
ranch are offering a thousand dollars
to the man who will give his scalp as a
sacrifice. If this is true, it is an in
suit to the sensibilities Of the editors
of America. A spectacle OF that sort
might be approved by a convention Of
Comanehe half-breeds. or it might pos
sibly be applauded by a crowd Of Mezt-
can bull fghters-which is doubtful
but to offer such q sight to the press Of
America as an entertainment would be
absolutely hideous.
The Topeka state journal., 1905-04-24
HANDLTNG RoREs.

sae~as.l llas business Of a governors private
lraae ~ ~ ls to entertain bores, and to
noVl Sl StaeIn away from the governor.
=. = = ae--Neal, who will shortly retire
% % tp,llVate p secretary for Governor Hocn
ie,-,sv ~ yeeoLile % state printer. is a particu-
-. o,ter lever man. Henry Allen, who
" - z private secretary, was
sa.S,.l. llotIler 7, man who could make a bore
IT lsst l Inat he didn't see the governor.
aaalILy al Bone, private secretary to Gov
sillel., siIloI 6aliey, was the third really
position in Kansas. lin T,e1ais who tho
was Leedy's man, had many strorg
polIils, llllSs, out was not great genius in
ha!idIlllg ma mug pores, as were NcNeal, Allen
ana -Atchison Globe.
The Topeka state journal., 1905-04-24
TaE 81 o. TEIE1 IlT.AT9Es.

If you are sick Of curbin1 lines,
OF Seuse1ess social monkey Shines
Come west.
II freedom is the boon you seek
And think you need a strenuous streak
Pack up your duds and take 2 snezlx--
Come west.
II you are weary Of the east.
That to efEeteness has been leased
Come west.
Come out here where the winds are
strong,
Where nature sings a lusty song
Where skies are blue and trails are long
Come west.
II you would like a breath Of air.
a bracing breath and good and rare,
Come west.
Come out where you may see the skiess
Where wide the pratrie's vastness lies,
And brush the cobWebs from your eyes
Come west
The Topeka state journal., 1905-04-24
REFLECTIONS OF A BACHFT,oR
LFrom the NeW York -

When a woman sees two others :,
conversation It is sign she susneets
they are talking about her. .
Generally you can make z-o,,, IL.
feel sure Of you by insisting that So
60 and get photographed in her new
hat. tASss
A girl is so naturally innocent she
can marry a. man for his money aud
make him think she is surprised to and
It's a nice thing for V.,o,,,sv, -,
has small feet to have Short Issv. ~ - ~
that when she sits in chair everv-
body Will know it.
Every once in SO often a married man
goes OF somewhere and thinks he fools
people by acting as if he were a bache-
The Topeka state journal., 1905-04-24

that sMr. choi TX Yen: an aged
Korean councillor of state, who is a
strong reformer, has been sitting out
side the palace gate at Seoul for five
days He proposes to sit there until
the needed reforms are carried out =
But just wouldn't We have fun If a
The Topeka state journal., 1905-04-24
IT SEEMS SO.

The visible inpatience of Tom Kelly,
state treasurer of Kansas, to be inves-
tigated, may be somewhat appeased
by the appointment of a commission
for that purpose by Governor Hoch.-
Kansas City Star.
The Topeka state journal., 1905-04-24
WHAT KANSAS pApFRs SAY.

15s0BABLY DUE TO AN ERROR.
a d57ses9snreEeller's paid apologist presents
n sllse or his chief which amounts
The - . 20 confession of theft mitigated by
e71,lg5 = that less was stolen than
Ren'5rii<a.aVe ii<.Ve been stolen. Fort Scott
The Topeka state journal., 1905-04-24
A QUESTION OF ETHICS.

It has been discovered that Japal
began the fight before formally declar
ing war, but is that any worse thai
Russia's trying to tight after the wa
is over r?-Saginaw News.
The Topeka state journal., 1905-04-24

If reports from Colorado are.true. the
Roosevelt family ought not TO suffer
from the oppression Of the beef trust
for some time to come. Mrs. Roosevelt
can cook bear steaks.
The Topeka state journal., 1905-04-24
NAME THE WRETCH.

A country girl of Kansas writes to
the editor of her home paper asking
if kissing will cure freckles. He re-
plies that he really doesn't know. but
II she desires to give the experiment
east to visit her folks and his latch
string is never pulled in.-Denver
Post.
The Topeka state journal., 1905-04-24

Since the bills for the Easter mi1lfn-
cry have begun to come in. some mar
ried men are Of the opinion that those
Wisconsin bachelors are getting off easy
on a tax OF only ten dollars.
The Topeka state journal., 1905-04-24

1t is announced that Governor Hoch
viii continue the appofntees of Cover
nor Bailey as attorneys in the Kansas
colorado litigation. They are n. H.
LOOMS. S. S. Ashbaugh, and Fred
Dumont Smith. Now viii the boss
busters howl some mnra2
The Topeka state journal., 1905-04-24

The Standard Oil company made its
mistake in encouraging Kansas to de-
xelop It's oil field. If Kansas had not
become interested in the fight the stan
dard might have been able to rob the
people without interference for years tn
come ~
The Topeka state journal., 1905-04-24
A PERTINENT QUERY.

When the city government of Chicago
owns the street railways will the cars
nave to wait for the alderman's wife to
Ilnlsh oolng her hair and get her gloves2
Fort Scott Republican.
The Topeka state journal., 1905-04-24

The annual meeting Of the National
Editorial association viii be held at
Guthrie. Okla, in June. and the s101"
ranch win give a special entertainment
FOR the editors. Among other features
St IS stated that a white man VIII act
The Topeka state journal., 1905-04-24
WHAT OTHER PAPERS SAY.
THIS IS oUGHUL.

There once was a man with a. cough,
The doctors advised a month ough,
Spent in riding and running
And fishing and cunning
And tennis and wrestling and cough
Newark News.
The Topeka state journal., 1905-04-24

It is suspected that David made his
celebrated hasty statement that all
men are liars just after he had served
as city assessor IN Jerusalem.
The Topeka state journal., 1905-04-24

President Roosevelt is after big
game in Colorado: Folk is after big
game in St Louis. the brewers; Togo
and ROjestvenslzy are both after big
game. each other the Prince of
Monaco is still running a big game
ct Monte Carlo; but Governor H6eh is
running the biggest game of all,
Standard OIL.
The Topeka state journal., 1905-04-24

Miss Tarbeu. Commissioner cssrae75
ana all other fasteners who have
come out to investigate the Kansas oil
troahie' have expressed surprise at the
extent OF the Kansas fields. Kansas
has all sorts of surprises for eastern
people who actually come out here.
The Topeka state journal., 1905-04-24
ENEEETING

Mr.. Rockefeller goes on handing out
dirty naicrobic 500, ,000 bills as though
he had no regard for the health of the
mlssionaries.-St. Paul Globe.
The Topeka state journal., 1905-04-24

The sheriffs out in the wheat belt
ought to watch for the next man who
tries to kill off the wheat crop. The
wanton slaughter that is COMMITTEES in
the wheat country every spring oucq1f
to he stopped.
The Topeka state journal., 1905-04-24

Too many men give their sweet
hearts the keys to their hearts before
marriage, and then change the COM
bination after the wedding is over.
The Topeka state journal., 1905-04-24

It now looks as though nothing were
Impossible, since Salina has absolutely
gone dry.
The Topeka state journal., 1905-04-24

The Troy Chief publishes a list Of
the leading taxpayers of Doniphan
county and Cyrus Leland heads the
list as the contributor of S1,716.55 to
the public revenue.
The Topeka state journal., 1905-04-24

Isn't It about time for the mikado
ko pick out an ultimatum from his
assortment and send it to France?
The Topeka state journal., 1905-04-24

A Kansas editor in noting that the
figure is now the fashion in women's
gowns gives it as his experience that
the figure s always has been connected
with them
The Topeka state journal., 1905-04-24
Postal Publteltx Renuenant-

S--tA@ a. AA(AAANAs POSTMASTER at Wash
ington, has received the following letter
written on polite stationery, delicately
perfumed:
Mr.. Postmaster of this CITY:
The Post Man that carries mail down
from blank street to blank street. down
blank street along blank street has a
nasty way with him of poundin on the
windo and the door and the side of the
house and bawlin out the Number and
the names of the Ladies what lives in
the Houses. It is very disagreeable. Out
IN the street he begins to bawl .-MaiI
IL" or Mail 56'' or whatever it is. We
can hear him -acrost ty Street bawlin
Mail Miss McGee or Mail Miss
sloner." Way up the Street every one
can know hes comm by his bawlfn
names. 1t isn't just Colored Ladies what
don't like his standin down by the steps
and bawlin their Number and their
Names. We don say but He may be
homes and mabe hes a Good Post Man
but hes sassy and needs ca1lin down to
Know his place and that is not bawiin
Numbers and Names standing oft and
then when no Body comes his pounc IN
on the windo and railins and doors. I
heard a White Lady speak angricr as
I do.-NeW York Tribune
The Topeka state journal., 1905-04-24

The supreme court quotation for
the loss Of q leg in Illinois is $4,000.
but only $4,000 In New York. The
Illinois quotation is probably based on
the value Of a beef leg as fixed bv
Che Chicago packing houses.
The Topeka state journal., 1905-04-24

A law has been passed in New York
prohibiting swearing over telephones.
This interference with the personal
liberties of the telephone girls is going
TOO far
The Topeka state journal., 1905-04-24
SHOW HIM col. HUGHES.

Before starting in to lick US Castro
should ride over this country IN a slow
freight and see who we are.-ehIcago
News.
The Topeka state journal., 1905-04-24

The octopus is still gathering in its
victims. Thomas. Tibbles. who ran for
vice president on the Populist ticket
last fail, has sold his newspaper to be-
come the president Of a bank
The Topeka state journal., 1905-04-24

When 2. L. vandegrift gets a paper
aR his own It will be interesting to
watch his experiments in getting his
name spelled right in it.
The Topeka state journal., 1905-04-24

Mrs. Chadwick will eventually be in
g position to compare the simple life
with the other variety. The simple
1ife viii probably be a specially with
her during the next few years.
The Topeka state journal., 1905-04-24

Wisconsin may place a tax on bache-
lors to encourage matrimony, but it
will not be half as effective as a bunch
Of pretty girls in white, fluffy dresses.
The Topeka state journal., 1905-04-24

The president might send Taft out to
Mount Shasta to sit on the lid. since he
ls making such a success of it in Wash
angton-
The Topeka state journal., 1905-04-24
- 0F THE KANsAs HEN.

One hundred hens laid $50 dozen
eggs at the W. H. Pearce farm south
OF town last month. and of these SIT
being mighty easy money. VINO can
beat or equal the record jamestown
Optimist.
The Topeka state journal., 1905-04-24

The call Of the wild continues to be
Che same as last year: four balls.
The Topeka state journal., 1905-04-24
APPROPRIATE.

1.-THE moaning of the ted is a DO
etic heading for the divorce column
Inter Ocean.
The Topeka state journal., 1905-04-24

The supreme court has decided that
the Indian may buy whisky If he is a
land owner. If the Indian is allowed
70 buy whisky. he will not long be a.
land owner.-sYa Yashington Post.
The Topeka state journal., 1905-04-24
} lWIl.
Houston Post.


It may be of advantage to Secretary
Taft in 1908 to show that he has had
some experience in being president
Washington Post.
The Topeka state journal., 1905-04-24

As they never swear up in Maine.
the legislatures of that state has inn
posed penalties on anyone who vexes.
harasses or annoys another over 2 tel
ephone. .''-Cincinnat Commercial Ira-
bunes
The Topeka state journal., 1905-04-24

When is young Mr.. Hyde going to
give us an example Of himself as DR..
aekYIl2
The Topeka state journal., 1905-04-24

Perhaps Togo and Rojestvensky are
putting off that battle until they can
8oin in celebrating the Fourth of July.
The Topeka state journal., 1905-04-24

Albert Miller. formerly a. weH
known Kansas City newspaper man
now living in Los Angeles. has de-
eliRed an offer of $1,000 a year from
Commissioner Shontz to take a place
under the Panama canal commission.
Commissioner Shontz and Mr.. Miller
have long been personal friends.
The Topeka state journal., 1905-04-24
HE'S AN OLD TIMER.

body under Is Is nv Inolri9zg N his
books.-Jewen Republican.
The Topeka state journal., 1905-04-24

s.I see that Russia is putting another
| large sum into a new navy"
ssYes-t1at's her sinking fund. From
Life
The Topeka state journal., 1905-04-24
TAKE YOUR CHANCES.

In answer to a letter regarding the
painting of gasoline cans red, J. r.
Burrow, secretary Of state, writes that
he knows of no such law having
passed the recent legislature. So you
can still tempt fate by mixing yonE
coal oil and gasoline cans and only
have to answer to your Maker when
the trouble, through careIessness
starts.-Alma Signal.
The Topeka state journal., 1905-04-24
A CAUSE FOR WORRY

Some of the American people fear
the Japs will take the Philippines, and
the rest of them are afraid they will
not.=NeW York American.
The Topeka state journal., 1905-04-24
M MIN sPRINGTI1fE.

Ere they were wed he used to say
Enough he could not do
To prove his love, and begged the
chance
To prove his word was true.
But now it's quite a different thing
No longer does he harp IT.
But hurries off for fear she'll ask
II he won't whip a carpet
-PhladeIphia Bulletin.
The Topeka state journal., 1905-04-24

A Mcpherson doctor has just been
assessed $1,000 for kissing a Ken
lucky girl during a recent visit to that
state. Being from Kentucky ourselves
we are of the opinion that if the doc
tor had the price the fee wasn't ex-
cessive.=Marion Record
The Topeka state journal., 1905-04-24
A SPRING EPITAPH.

Beneath this stone, in calm content
Lies Jedediah Brown;
When he'd donned his summer un-
derWear
The Topeka state journal., 1905-04-24

Employer-Whatf the men are threaten
ing TO strike! Whyi they signed a three
years contract.
ForemaH-Y but that was four months
ago.-Broozlyll Life.
The Topeka state journal., 1905-04-24

Cos Cob Con-Kind sir, I have no home.
Cynical Citizen-You' lucky; I've got
a home. with four cozy corners and three
n1Ortgag ages.-Puck
The Topeka state journal., 1905-04-24

Il suppose those feasts given By Lucui-
lus were the most expensive ever served -
'Lucullus ?YYhat insurance company was
he connected with?"-Cleveland Plain
Dealer.
The Topeka state journal., 1905-04-24

she-Look, dear, .papa's check will pay
for our wedding trip.
the Duke--Bqt what are We going to do
afterward ?-Life-
The Topeka state journal., 1905-04-24

Miss Gushleigh-Im sure. professor I'm
immensely hattefed that you should leave
that learned crowd and come over and
talk to poor little mel
Prof Chumpleigh-WeI you seer
the fact is I'm tired Of their clever talk
and thought I'd come and listen to you
and rest my mind for a Whiie.-Cleve-
land Leader
The Topeka state journal., 1905-04-24

Yes" declared Mrs. Enpeclz, my hus-
mine Is his
Especially, I presume murmured Mrs.
Hamnerfest, wi hen it comes to opinions
Louisville Courter-Journa1.
The Topeka state journal., 1905-04-24

One Democratic paper in New York has
given up 1906 and is discussing 1872 This
where the stock on hand is sufficient
Democrat.
The Topeka state journal., 1905-04-24

Seasoned Passenger (on ocean steamer5
Why did you 90 to the table and try to
eat meal when you were already sick2
Haggard Passenger Qeaning de5ectedly
over the ratl}--T have to pay for It, just
the same, don't I2-ChicagO Tribune.
Grace-b4r. Bliggins tells me that he is
interested in settlement work thought
it cutie noble of him.
Cladys-Well, not so noble as you might
think. His particular branch of settlement
work is bill Observation-Disclosures Bull
1GL4AA