Audubon County journal. (Exira, Iowa) 1884-1993, 1905-08-24

ALL "A hOfE ABOUND NECK
AND GAVE HER THE END TO HOLD.
this thrlllin' juncture, while 1 remark
that my Alleviator has now been be-
fore the discriminatin' public for the
last thirteen years, and doorin' all that
time it has never once failed to do
what was expected Of it. 1t soothes
the weary, Gains the nervous, brings
new hopes to the hopeless, and any
sort o pain. from headache to
broken bones, Is alleviated almost in
stantly.
No other remedy ever compounded
kin take its place. 1 have seen a
grievin' wilder woman grievin' away
as If her heart would break, and
sayin' that she might as we'll commit
suicide, take one dose of my Alleviator
and then begin to laugh and sing coon
songs. If l should set out to tell the
has oe1rr',r.. .s-s,r..<r-r-esr-.s.-'
the space of this paper.
I have heard people say thousand
times over that it was we'll with q
dollar bottle, but my price Is invari-
ably % cents. Where grievin' Wild
der woman and her nine fatherless
children appear before me in body
and want ten bottles all to once, l
make discount Of 10 per cent In
cases where find ministers of the gos.
pei preachin' on Sundays and diggin'
post holes for Is cents hole doorin'
the week l also make slight dis
count, but to all others the price Is as
stated. No pills go with the Allevi-
ator. 1t stands out by itself, like a
wart on politicians nose. Havin'
made SIGH explanashun as I deemed to
be due the public l will now return to
my perilous situashun in the Red
Hoss tavern.
No sooner had the stalwart and in
dignant citizens before mentioned bust
ed open my door than I gently inquir
| ed what was wrong. In reply they or
| dered me to git out of bed and follel
| them. On the same public square
where had achieved victory two hours
| before was now crowd howlin' fol
my life, while tar and feathers hat
been collected for my benefit. sooI
discovered the cause Of the commo
! shun. A cross eyed citizen who hat
bought bottle of my Alleviator TO
the earache had driven the pain dow
into his stomach. In order to drive
back again he had absorbed a gallon
of sour buttermilk and was then lyin
on the ground with the pangs Of de
spair gnawin' at his vitals. He ha'
claimed that my Alleviator had pl
zened him, and the liberal hearte
crowd had taken his word for it an
set out to mob me.
My presence of mind did not deser
me. Even with the tar warmin' up t
the right pint, and woman standiI
by with two pillars off her parlor bee
. held up my hand and made an &C
dress to the crowd. l contended wit
sich sincerity that the sufferin' critic
had been mixin' sunthin' else with m
remedy that he finally broke dow
and confessed the truth. I then o
dered him rolled on barl, stood O
his head and given n few kicks, an
when he had come to the right fran
;: of mind 1 administered dose wit
my own hand, and in five minits
was smilin' like babe.
|! Public opinion changed at once.
!. was hailed as public benefactor ar
hero, and upon reopenin' business
made sale of thirty four more bottl
and was serenaded by string ban
: When left the town the next morni
the mayor hisself took off his hat
me and gave me an official lnyitashl
to call agin. l cite this case to sho
8 that a good gan, backed by a go'
( pain aiieviator. kin allus depend
Providence to bring him through {
y difficulties.
= had driven about five miles ne
4 forenoon when l beheld half doz
Il citizens approachin' me on hossbat
u AT first ! took them to be citizens
& the town of Last Call, who had hea
4 of the wonde"fSl soothin' effects
y my Alleviator and had raced out to
6 the first to buy. but in a leetle tins