The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-11-13
PILGRIM JOE.
ssBe Good, DO Good, and Make 80 Per
Cent" His Motto.

Cent His Motto.
The sun was sparklin' in his brillian-
cy, like a new tin pan at a farmers
kitchen door, and the birds were seekin'
to Out-Slng each other IN the green
leafed trees, when left the metropoli-
tan town of Red Hoss and driv in the
direction of Many Sorrows. 1 speak of
Red Hoss as metropolitan, because its
mayor had just run away with the wife
of the livery stable keeper, and it's jus
tice of the peace had fined a drummer
from Chicago So for falling off the
court house steps and -breakin' his leg.
I was in harmony with all natur as
I driv along I felt that I wanted all
men to be good. I fggered it over and
over to myself, and I couldn't make it
out any other way-that he who is good
and goes about dOin' good can't help
If he is a good hand to bluff, and the
game lasts long enough, he may even
make fifty.
1 do not wish to speak of my Pilgrim
Pain alleviator in connection with bluff
but I cannot let the opportunity pass
without calm attention of heads of
families to its wonderful virtues. It
begins to alleviate at once; it begins to
sOothe within two minits; at the end
of five minits you throw all your sor-
rers into the river and make a new
start in life. It Gains the ragin' brain
at the same time that it soothes the
me 10 cents viii receive a trial bottle
that viii save half the family from the
clutches of death. The other half will
have to pay the regular price.
1 had driv about half the distance be-
tween the two towns named when I
met UP with a young man of twenty
and a gal who may hav been a year
younger. They was Walkin' hand in
hand, and love and happiness and trust
showed in their eyes. The paternaI
smile that allus shows itself on my face
and indicates my gentle character
caused them to halt and ask if 1 carried
any gumdrOps in my wagon.
WHITTIER bound. children of happi-
ness2' says l. after explaining that
gumdrops were rather out O. my line.
ITO Red Hoss to git married" they
answered in chorus.
rs it case of love, or does the spirit
of ambition and avarice prevail?"
Pilgrim, we are not worth a burned
cent in cash said the young man.
And what financial prospects are be-
fore thee?"
eve are goin' to live mostly on wild
onions until we can find and jump a
claim somewhere
Their trust in the future was some
thin bewtiful to behold, and I
wouldn't have been Pilgrim Joe had I
not encouraged it. I posed 'em and
took their tin-types as they stood with
their arms around each other and
their noses rubin together, and then
[ brung out a bottle of the Pain AL
| leviator and bade them use it in a lib
era1 manner if sorrer ever came to
their fond hearts.
When tears of gratitude welled up
into their eyes my heart sOftened still
more and / hauled out a dollar bill
land laid itinto the gals outstretched
hand IT was only a dollar, but I am
human. same as the Beef Trust. The
more dollars 1 have the more I want.
I want to do good to all my feller-men,
but I'd rather give my note of hand
any day in the week than fork out a
quarter in cash.
was thanked thousand times
over by the young couple, and when
at last I turned away, after givin'
them some fatherly advice as to what
| to do in case of whoOpin' cough, I
found a balmy feelin' beginnin' at my
ears and spreadin' clear down to my
toes. It's good to be good.
I was within a mile of my deStina-
shun when a crowd of hilarious citi-
zens came gallopin' to meet me. I
/ took it as a sign of welcome, and was
tryin' to frame some sort of speech in
reply, when the crowd closed in
around me and the leader said:
Throw the rope over that limb up
thar Come, old man, say your pray
ersl'
but isn't this too sudden?'' I asked.
s'Nuthin' is too sudden out in this
kentry-not even a stroke of lightnin'
Old man, you have stolen your last
4 moss.
when and whar did I steal him ?"
Its the critter you have hitched to
your wagon. and you picked him UP
over at Blackberry last week. Please
don't delay the crowd, but git your
neck ready fur the moose
I think it was only natural on my
part to want to be heard in the case
but it was their busy day, and they cut
me down to five minits- This jest gave
me time to say good-by to my old boss
my hghtin' dog and my grasshopper in
a bottle, and they was proceedin' to
hang me when a man galloped up and
stopped the fun by announein' that the
real thief had been caught The pro.
gramme was grudgingly suspended. As
fur as my experience goes, human
mature allus hates to let go, no matter
whether it's givin' up Office or turnin
a Teller loose after maxim preparations
to hang him
No apologies were thought necessary
to soothe my lacerated feelins. The
idea was that orter be thankful that
/ [ had escaped a change of climates
However, after the crowd had passed
on. I turned to my Alleviator and abb
sorbed a full bottle and it wasn't ter
nninIts before I was caressin' my meek
and singin' and snilin' and fggerin' VI
that the mob had left a new rope worth
at least IS cents behind 'em fur me t
hear zTvav The truly good may ever