The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1905-07-13

amount. Mr.. Green, have you ever
heard of the Great American Inter
changeable Pie company"
Mr.. Green stood up and laughed.
Then he leaned against the wall and
laughed. Then &c sat down and snig-
gered.
Our object is to make the American
pie known to the civilized world
known and appreciated. No other ma
ton ever built itself UP on pie 1t is
the pie, sir-tbe American pie-that
rules the world My company proposes
TO make them by the billion aul ship
them to every inhabited spot on the
globe. From the 1st of October to the
LIST of March Of every year we shall
make mince pies only. Forty-eight in
gradients and two crusts in every pie,
our trademark plainly stamped On the
upper crust, and all persons counter
feiting it viii be arrested at once
Every pie sent to its destination in its
own wooden dish, and 10 cents will
buy one in Persia as well as in Chi
cago. One price to all and nothing
like EN-. We have already secured
hundreds of testimonials"
Say, now-say, nOw-ha. ha, har'
rOared Mr. Green as he laughed till he
was red in the face.
From March to Oct. l." continued
the major, without turning a hair, I'VE
shall send out custard, peach. cherry
and lemon pies. The price will be the
same, and they will give the same sat
isfaction. The capital is 100000.
all paid in, ana the stock is already
selling above par. Biggest grandest,
richest thing OH the face of the earth
The dividends will reach 100 per cent
in the first six months. Don't touch
Standard Oil-don't fool with the beef
trust. Come into the Great American
Interchangeable Pie company. That
is
THAT is, you want me for vice presi-
dent at a salary of $4,000 per year"
interrupted Mr.. Green
You have struck it exactly. Several
years ago you loaned me 50. 1t was
bread cast upon the waters. l want
it to return a hundredfold to you. I
want you to know and fully realize
that the sentiment of gratitude still
beats in the human breast Accept the
place, Uy dear Old friend-accept it
and let me shake your hand in con-
graduation
Are you through mojor:" was
asked.
well YOU can tell me what you will
do. Ii you have Il better thing on hand
why, l have nothing to say, but you
know 1 would like to have you with
me-"
Mr.. Green smiled. Then he grinned
Then he chuckled. Then he r0ared and
slapped his leg.
And the dividends can't be less than
100 per cent after the first six months, :"
solomnly asserted the major, who was
good deal troubled in his mind.
You slick deadbeat! You noble old
liar, You boncfcont old baldheaded
son of a gum"
Il do not understand you, sir"
Then Mr.. Green rose up with a smile
on his face and reached out for the
major ana made his heels knock over
the stove as he swung him around.
The second swing cleared the desk
and the third raked the plaster all
along one wall. Then the major was
stood on his head. stood on his feet
danced up and down and PLAYED pitch
and toss with, and when he was finally
left lying on the dusty floor Mr., Green
passed out of the office with a "Ta ia,
major. The Great American Inter
changeable Dcadbeat company wishes
you fond good day"
The major got up after a few min
utes and brushed the dust off and sat
down and hummed merrily to himself
He had lost everything but honor, but
that was as safe as the rock of Gibral-
tar NJ. QUAD.