Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1905-06-10
that way last week.

that way last week.
~
| notice you haven't been saying
much about our war inI your paper
and appreciate it. There are other
country editors who might find
plenty to do around home-without
writing longwinded editorials on
how to- run the world-if they
had brains enough to grease a gim-
let. | don't know much about the
war. The grand dukes are running
things and they don't pay much at
tention to me. They think I don't
count. The fact is Ole this is too
big job for me. I ought to be
president of a school board. This
country is splattered all over the
map and is too much for one man
to look after. A fellow can't turn
around without falling over some
thing he doesn't know he's got.
The land pirates who founded the
nation stole all they could get their
hooks on and then made a lot of
grand dukes and gave each one a
bunch of land and herd of peasants
to look after. Instead of develop
ing the country the bullheaded
dukes have spent their time trying
to grab more. If anybody kicked
he was given a knouting and sent
off to Siberia to put up ice and dig
mastodons out of the frozen ground.
AS result our principal product is
anarchists and oystercans full of
selfrising dynamite. You know it
was me that organized the peace
conference few years ago and had
my picture taken with a dove in
my hand and an olive branch in my
buttonhole. 1t was dandy picture
and made me awful popular with
the peasantry. The peasantry are
strong on peace. They fought
around the photograph gallery for
three days to get piece of it for a
souvenir and about forty were
|; killed. UUm0naBs
I9n nNa 9t8 q**
II have always been in favor of
peace but the grand dukes said real
estate was going up and we ought
to increase our holdings and so when
the ,Japs licked China we grabbed
the spoils and now we are getting it
in the neck. Every day I get messages
of disaster from some place with an
unpronouncable name that I never
heard of before. Where the people
found so many outlandish names is
more than I know. If a cyclone
ever hits one of those towns the
name will pull its tail off. The hired
girl has just brought in some mes
sages. It's the same old story
Send us 100000 pairs Of sprinting shoes
at once. THERE'S going to be another fight.
/ Commissary General 0i1't~
IJt JG,.-. elN}+G0 l---IfGHtsF( nG
1.-THE fellows blown up yesterday came
down today, They would have been, down
4 sooner but the JapS were up in balloons look
ing for them. Sincerely.
sa.j.a ECO t;.l 1,H-nfl 20 A'oo' ~
| 7 Yesterday l was killed in one of the
ldoggondestl sea6ghts that ever happened.
MY dying words were-"Boys if the boat
sinks float ashore in the sink" So Long
HipiArn 1i.D}. Admiral solkersam.
IuDear Mic .nnt}f8 ttffl3@ f3!Gt
| / regret to report that one of our regi-
| ments was lost yesterday. A Jap soldier
Snr iNinRtV-SpVRn
| wounded and 300 taken prisoners. The rest
fell in the creek. In haste ~ GINf
General StOeSSel.
Dear Mic r .t..f.{etltl. do
- me Japs have killed US off as follows
/ since last report: ltt 9G q t3t54
Wednesday 1902
Thursday ---i .>-....i6 tadd
Total. --...--.............,--..--..72 1859
Please send us some more peasants and
General Kuropatkin.
If this thing keeps up the yellow
peril will soon be stalking over
Europe full of ricepudding and
boastfulness and the laundry bust
ness will be ruined.
}@t #t f** 1tsgf't
It's trying on ones constitution.
Our boys don't seem to have any
enthusiasm. While the Japs are out
hollering and shooting holes in the
atmosphere where they think an
enemy might Turk = our boys are
| quietly carrying each other in and
out of the hospital tent as if it were
Sunday. When the Japs began to
prepare for war few years ago we
thought we could shake our whisk-
ers at them when the time came
and scare them to death. Today
they are building signal fires of
Russian whiskers. Russian peas
ants are all right when it comes to
fighting with clubs and cobblestones
but they don't know how to handle