The San Juan islander. [volume] (Friday Harbor, Wash.) 1898-1914, 1905-03-11
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Clara-Did he propose to you before
Or after he kissed you? Maud can't
tell. During the excitement l forgot
all the details.-Life.
Husband-You are always looking
for bargains. Was there ever time
when you wasn't a bargain hunted!
Wife-Yes, dear; when married you.
Scissors.
Mrs. Chatterson-It was such 4
relief to have my husband fail. Mrs.
Chipway-How so? 'Oh. was so
afraid we would have to pay all those
bills."-Life.
Cyril-You may spurn me. cruel one,
but remember, shall not always be
clerk at 50 a week. Marie That's just
the trouble. You may lose your job at
any time.-Chicago News.
Parent (angrily)-Those school
shoes l bought here for my boy did
not last two weeks. Dealer with sur
prise)-He must have been wearing
them out of school, shington Life.
Teacher lin spelling class)-Johnny.
spell "fail" JOHNNY can't. Teach
er-You can't spell that simple word?
Why not? Johnny-'Cause you told
me there was no such word as fall
New Yorker.
Pansy (who enjoys having her moth
err read to her)-Wead some more,
mamma. Mamma cannot, dear; my
eyes are too tired. Pansy with fine
scorn)-But wead wiz 90 mouf, ma
New York Times.
us your husband up yet?" inquired
the early morning caller. II guess he
is" replied the stern-looking woman.
I'D like to say few words to him."
$50 would l. He hasn't come home
yet."-Catholic Standard.
Ernestine-I don't see why your
chaperon should have been offended
beca use Jack played the piano. 1t was
certainly better than lovemaking.
Moyrtilla-Yes. but he insisted upon
playing always in the Way.
cago News.
Toni don't see you automobiling
with Miss Giddyun any more. Jack
No; l weighed her in the balance and
found her wanting. TOm-Wanting
what? blackwell. wanting to face
the parson with me, for one thing
Chicago News.
Little Johnnie-When Miss Nextdoor
got married, her mother threw an old
slipper after her. What was that for?
Little Ethel-Oh, they always do that.
That means that her mamma isn't
never going to spank her any more
Smiths Weekly.
"This servant-girl problem will make
me old before my time" "BOthers you
too, does it?'' Indeed it does. II
l have an ugly maid my husband is
| away all the time, and If l have a
pretty one he is at home all the time,
and l daren't go away; so there it is"
Houston Post.
Mrs. Woodby-You don't mean to
say you paid my milliner's bill to-day!
Mr.. Woodby-Of course. The bill
reached me yesterday. and l thought
the milliner might need the money,
So Mrs. Woodby-Simpleton! How
do YOU expect us to be considered real
swell If we pay our bills promptly p
Philadelphia Ledger.
Maude-Did you read that magazine
article in which physician advocates
yawning as means Of stopping the
disa greeable buzzing in ones ears?
Clara-Yes; and he is right, too. l
tried it on young Borum the other
evening after he had talked continu-
ously for an hour or more, and he
took the hint and left.-Chicago Daily
| News
The following notice was recently
| found tackled on the door of church:
There will be preaching in this house
week from next Wednesday, Provi-
dence permittin', and there will be
preaching whether or no on Monday
following upon the subject. He that
| believeth and is baptized shall be
! saved and he that believeth not shall
be damned at 8 80 in the afternoon +"
Clinton MOI Herald.
A travelling man who drove across
the country to little town in western
| Kansas the other day met farmer
hauling wagon-load of water.
Where do you get water?" he asked.
'.Up the road about seven miles," the
| farmer replied. And you haul water
seven miles for your family and
stock?" Yep" why in the name
| of sense don't you dig well?" asked
| the traveller. Because it is just as
far one way as the other, stranger"
Denver Republican.
Mrs. Potts was filed with nervous
alarms whenever she Travelled, and Mr..
| Potts always had his hands full in
trying to quiet and reassure her. cal
gernon," said Mrs. Potts. Weakening
| her husband from sound sleep in a
southern railway car. "Algernon! l
, want you to find out why we are going
| at this fearful speed. The car is bump
ing and swaying till can scarcely
see out of my eyes" Mr.. Potts sat up