Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1905-11-09
THE o TELLER.
NOT A DRAWING CARD"

There Is a Clergyman in Richmond, Va,
who enjoys telling the following at his
wi expense.
"Onc Sunday I was returning home
when I was accostcd by a quaint old
woman, housekecper in the employ Of q
dear friend of mine
~ want to tell you sir said the old
woman. how much I enjoy going to
church on the days that you preach
Expressing my appreciation of the
compliment, I added that I was much
gratifed to hear 1t. adding that ! feared
was not as popular a minister as others
In the city. and I finally asked:
land what particular reason have you
for enjoyment when I preach?
"'Oh. SIR she answered will appalling
candor, ! get such a good seat them!
CORRECT VERSION OF THE OLD
STORY.
The late Judge Hoar once related the
following incident as the only lesson he
ever received in natural history: While
travelling in England he happened to be
in a railroad car with a lady who car
ried a pet rabbit, which the guard de-
clared could not be allowed In the pas
senger car. Thereupon a gentleman
present drew a turtle from his pocket.
saying that he 1.-THE guard) would not
think of eJecting that, and that the rab-
bit had as much right to its place as the
turtle.
RI guard went to headquarters to
have the question settled, and. return
ng. said: Cat is dogs. rabbits Is dogs,
but turtles is insects. and they go free
but rabbits must pay
WEAK SOUP.
Sir Percy Sandcrson. the British con-
sui general in New York. was talking
on the Etruria about weak soup.
"As good a description of weak soup
as I know he said. 'came from the low
~ lips of a poor woman in the east end
of London. She was destitute last win
ter. and Il parish visitor advised her
tn apply for soup at a neighboring soup
Kitchen.
She got some soup, but she did not
like 1t. This is what she said of il 10
the visitor when he called next day:
DO you call that stuff soup? Why,
all they do is to get a quart of water
and boil it down to a pint to make it
strong"
so THE CLERK TOOK Up A COLLIE
TON.
on 4 road in England there is a pretty
little country hotel known as the Rose
tavern. Close At hand in the hOtcl
grounds is II quaint old ivy-mantlcd
chapel. If the hotel becomes o%vercrowd-
ed. as it does now and then, hey put
away the guests in the chapel. A travel
o'clock the next morning the loud 1calins
Of the chapel bell reused the night clerk,
who rushed over in great alarm and en-
cointcrcd the travelling man. Are you
the night clc,i,?' asked the travelling
man. II am said the night clerk
w hats the jolly now" well. for PHYS
sake" said the travelling man, rush me
over a cocktail to pew 49,"
JUGGLING THE BRIDAL GIFTS.
A bride from the South entertained, a
few evenings ago, some friends. who es-
pecially admired a beautiful silver sugar
bow among her wedding presents
bridal gifts as she called them. in
the Southern idiom.
WHOM is that FROM asked one who
is intimate enough to make such an in
quiry. The bride hesitated a moment
ITS really hard to tell she said,
finally. ITS partly from Aun Caroline
and partly from a girl in Colorado and
partly from a gentleman in Jacks Office
You see. Aunt Caroline sent me i
dozen spoons. and they were tho only
spoons out of eleven dozen that weren't
marked. My friend in Colorado sent ar
order on a store in Baltimore for any
thing | wanted to select. and the gentle.
man in Jacks office sent a carving set.
There were two other carving sets. too.
Nobody sent ii sugar bowl and | want
ed ono worse than anything else. Aunt
Caroline lives i'm Baltimore. you know,
and her spoons were from the same
store that I had an order on from col
orado. So | just sent them the spoons
and the order and asked them to send
me a sugar bowl OF the same value They
wrote that they didn't have any sugar
bowls as cheap as that but were sending
me four to select from at different prices,
II wanted this sugar bowl. which was
one of the four they sent. so ! made Jack
take the carving set to the store where
it was bought and get the money for 1t,
and that made Just enough to pay for
the sugar bowl. Wasn't that tine?"
And all the women present declared
the bride was a genius.