davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1905-03-11
HIS STEAK WAS READY.
Sarcasm Of the Wife Not Wasted on
the Delinquent Husband.

Sarcasm Of the Wife Not Wasted on
the Delinquent Husband.
Sarcasm loses nothing by awaiting
the psychological moment for it's ua-
terance. Also it oftentimes is most
fraught with the sharpness of two
edged sword when it is contained in
a simple statement of fact.
A husband given to periodical looks
upon the cocktail when it contains a
cherry, his glance at such times dwell
ing thereon for two or three success
sive days without interruption, arose
one morning recently with head out
of all proportion to his hat measure,
and a throat that felt like limekiln.
No explanation was needed when he
told his wife he was going out for a
moment to get rid of the olive green
taste in his mouth; he would be back
right away. All she said was: Bring
a steak home with you for breakfast "
He went to cocktail dispensary
and got his brace. AS he was going
out he met friend, who told him he
would feel better if he. had another
He did feel better, so much better
that he was prevailed on further to
improve the state of his physical and
mental being by a third diving after a
cherry. He did not see his home for
two days.
Again, one morning he awoke with
iron hands pressing into his head and
his tongue cleaving to the roof of his
mouth. His wife heard him stirring
and went to the door. "Your steak is
ready" she said.
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1905-03-11
Low Prices in PHILADELPHIA.

An interesting and amusing instance
OF business acumen on the part of a
German butcher in Philadelphia is fur
nished by gentleman in that city.
lone day. says this gentleman, Il
inquired of the butcher the price of
sausage
"'Sausage ISIS sixteen cents a
pound, replied he, after moments
hesitation; but to-day 1 haven't no
sausage already
'Whereupon l asked why. If he had
not the goods he should quote price
thereon"
oder question ISIS easy to answer,
replied he, without suspicion of a
SMILE If had some of dose sausage
den der brice would be dwendy cents,
YES. But I hat no sausage, no; so l
makes der brice low. It gifes me a
reduckshun und it costs me nod
dings.'"
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1905-03-11
4 GREAT SUFFERER.
LAY HELPLESS AND SPEEUHLESS
FOR HOURS AT A TIME.
Sinking Spells, Headaches, Rheumatism
All Caused by Poor Blood-Cured by
DR.. Williams Pink Pills.

Sinking Spells, Headaches, Rheumatism,
All Caused by Poor Blood-Cured by
DR.. Williams Pink Pills.
When Mrs. Williams was asked for
some details Of the fearful illness from
which she had so long suffered, she spoke
- follows:
"Ever since I had nervous prostration,
about thirteen years ago, have had
periodical spells of complete exhaustion.
Any excitement or unusual activity
would throw me into state Of ifeless-
ness. At the beginning my. strength
would come back in moderate time,
but the period Of weakness kept length
ening until at last I would lie helpless
- many as three hours at stretch"
"You were under medical treatment,
Of course?'
Eyes, when became SO bad that
had to give up my housework, in May of
1908, was being treated for kidney
trouble, aud later the doctor thought my
difficulties came from change of life.
was not only weak, but I had dizzy
feelings, palpitation of the heart, misery
after eating, hot flashes, nervous head
aches, rheumatic pains in the back and
hips. The doctor did me SO little good
that gave up his treatment, and really
feared that my case was incurable.
What saved you from your state Of
hopelessness?"
lin July of 1908 I had very bad
spell, aud my husband came il one day
with little book which told of remark
able cures effected by a remedy for the
bloodand the nerves, DR.. Williams Pink
Pills. He bought box for me, and
that was the beginning of my return to
health. My appetite grew keen, my food
no longer distressed me, my nerves were
quieted, and my strength began to re-
vlve"
"How long did you take this remedy?"
For two months only. At the end
Of that time l had regained my health
and cheerfulness, and my friends say
that I am looking better than I have
doue for the past fifteen years..
Mrs. Lizzie Williams is now living at
No. 4l6 Cedar street. Quincy, Illinois.
The pills which she praises so highly,
cure all diseases that come from i'm.
poveri she'd blood. If your system is all
run down, DR.. Williams Pink Pills are
the very best remedy to take. Any drug
gist can supply them.
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1905-03-11
Not Actuated by Generosity.

A precocious youngster of years,
living on the Park Slope, has little
sister. with whom he is compelled to
divide his gifts, very much to his dis
like. The little~girl generally comes
ont at the small end of the horn, and
therefore, when, one day recently, he
was noticed eating the smaller of two
APPLIES that had been given to him, it
excited the comment Of his mother.
GLOW did you hapepn to give Elsie
the big apple and keep the little one
for yourself? Mamma is glad to see
her little boy growing generous"
"There was a worm in the big one, u
nonchalantly replied Johnny Brook.
Ign Eagle. - -
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1905-03-11

get q breath 81 Gods ali. He told
me the whole story and when l met
Miss Milford in the railway carriage
+ remembered the name and I found
out she was the woman. managed
to get her to come to see him and it's
all right. His uncle's' dead and left
him his money so they can. get mar
ried when he gets WE'LL"
: Mrs. Clark walked over to Miss
Milford.
dearest Mollie," She said, 1--WE will
take him, out to Pugsford. He'll get
well quickly in that fresh air."
"She's sweet woman" said Mrs.
Clark as she and her daughters left
the house. There's: nothing design,
ing about Mollie:''
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1905-03-11

his nieces. He drank with gusto the
bowl of punch which Mrs Clark, with
prayers for forgiveness. mixed with
her own hands. Mrs. Clark went to
bed relieved. Evidently Miss Nit
ford's change of manner did not re-
suit from anything the captain had
said to her in the railway carriage.
In the morning the development
came. Mrs. Clark beheld Captain Bas-
com and Miss Milford talking ear
nestly in the parlor and Miss Milford
was wiping tears from her eyes. A
conference was held. Again were
James plump shoulders shrugged and
again Lydia's pretty nose upturned.
The fiat was pronounced. Miss Nit.
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1905-03-11
Deafness Cannot Be Cured

eased portion Of the ear There is only one Wy =
cure Deafness and that is by constitutional remedies
Deafness 10 caused by an Unnamed condition Of the
mucous lining of the Eustachtan Tube. When this
tube 1s innamed you have arumbng sound OF i'm
perfect hearing and when it 10 entirely closed Deaf
ness 10 the result and unless the Inflammation
taken out and this tube restored its normal cond
ton hearing will be destroyed forever; nine cases
out OF ten are caused by Catsrrh which fs nothing
but nm indamed condition Of the mucous surfaces.
We will give One Hur red Dollars for any case Of
Deafness Caused by catarrh) that cannot be cured
by Halls CatArrh Cure. Send for circulars free.
F. ]. CHENEY 4 CO., Toledo. q.
Sold by Druggists, 75c.
Take Halls Family Pills for combination.
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1905-03-11

The twilight is sad and cloudy;
The wind blows wild and free:
And like the wings of sea-birds
Flash the white caps of the sea.
But in the fisherman's cottage
There shines ruddier light,
And little face at the window
Peers out into the night;
Close close it is pressed to the window.
AS if those childish eyes
Were looking into the darkness
To see some form arise.
And a woman's waving shadow
Is passing to and fro,
Now rising to the ceiling
Now bowling and bending low
What tale do the roaring ocean
And the night wind, bleak and wild,
AS they beat the crazy easement,
Tell to that little child?
And why do the roaring ocean,
And the night wind, wild and bleak,
AS they beat at the heart of the mother
Drive the color from her cheek!
-Longfellow.
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1905-03-11
MAKES FIERCE FIGHT
HAS ITS OWN METH
obs OF WAFARE.fE
Transformed Into catapuIt, Animal
Made Bold Attack on Intrepid and
Truthful Hunter Brave Hound
Saved Life Of Master.

Some curious stories of the wild and
woolly West have been sent to east
eru newspapers, but the following dis:
patch from Oakland to the Buffalo
Times, easily surpasses all others in
the riotous imagination of the writer,
who has sent one of the most timid
of animals out on the warpath against
a hunter:
Even those who are familiar with
the Armadillo in his native wilds are
not apt to give him credit for his
fighting abilities. While nature has
provided him with a defensive armor
which is protection against most
of his enemies, instances of his at
lacking man.; even in self-defense, are
extremely rare
The experience of Fred Petmecky
on recent hunting trip proved that an
armadillo can and will fight when able
to choose it's battle-ground, and it's
method of attack is unique and ter
rible. While riding toward camp one
evening Mr.. Petmecky heard a hound
baying in thicket. Knowing the dog
was aware it was unlawful for it to
run deer and not expecting to find
anything more dangerous than wam-
pus or grufini, he left his rife in
the scabbard- and went to Investigate.
He found the hound baying at huge
armadillo, which he seemed afraid to
attack.
On seeing it's new enemy the arma-
dillo rapidly prepared for action. Max
ing a noise like lion, it seized a
small sapling in it's mouth and Topped
it's tail around another. Then, by
contracting it's body, it bent the sap
ling held by it's mouth as far as it was
able. Having thus transformed itself
into catapult, it released it's hold
and was hurled with terrific force.
Doubling itself into ball as it flew
through the air, it struck Mr.. Pet
mecky on the shoulder, knocking him
down. Nearly stunned by the force
of the blow and the fall, the hunter
staggered to his feet just as the arma-
dillo was ready for second attack,
which it made with like results.
The hound, which had seemed to be
surprised and too terrified to take any
part in the strange battle, now recov.
cred itself and, before the armadillo
could launch itself at the man again,
seized it by the unprotected portion
of it's body and killed it.
Had il not heen for the faithful
hound Mr.. Petmecky's injuries might
have been serious. AS it was he was
too bruised and battered to mount his
horse and proceeded to camp on foot,
bringing with him the dog and one
of the saplings bearing the marks Of
the armadillos tail as proof of his sim
gular adventure.
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1905-03-11

sible for the whole trouble. It seemed
to settle in my kidneys. Doans Kid
ney Pills rooted it out. It is several
months since I used them, and up to
the trouble"
Doan's Kidney Pills for sale by all
dealers. Price so cents per box. Eos
ter.Milburn Co., Buffalo. N. Y.
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1905-03-11
Baked at Boiled ELEPHANT.

In recognition of her generous pat
ronage, provision dealer sent to Mrs.
Richard Mansfield a New Years pres
ent of a beef tongue. The cooks as
sistant, a. colored woman from the
wilds of North Carolina, had never
seen such, a thing before. Putting her
hands on her hips Auntie gazed upon
it curiously and long. At last she in
quired of the cook:
"Do you all up MORT heah eat ele-
phants?"
NO." answered that busy person
without looking up from the fowl she
was dressing. what put such fool
ishness into yo' head?"
"Why that there" pointing to the
tongue. "That's sho' nutf elephants
trunk-what he picks up the peanuts
wif-ain't it?'
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1905-03-11
A Rare Good Thing.

~Am using ALIENS FOOT-EASE, and
al truly say would not have been without
1t 80 long, had known the relief it would
give my aching feet. I think it a rare good
thing for anyone having sore or tired feet
Mrs. Matilda Holtwert, Providence, r. L"
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1905-03-11

and Doan's Kidney
Pills relieve and
cure it.
n. B.. McCarver,
of POI Cherry St..
Portland, Ore, in
spector Of freight
for the Trans-Con'
tinental Co., says:
II used Doan's Kid
fney Pills for back
ache and other
symptoms Of kid
ney trouble which
had annoyed me
for months. l think
q cold was reSDOn.
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1905-03-11
Softenjnu the Term.

Yes, her father called you a plain
idiot
Did he call me that?'
well, not exactly. He used warm
or adjective. thought you'de be bet
tex pleased if l made it plain -
Cleveland Plain Dealer.
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1905-03-11
No Paw,

"Well, SIR brusquely inquired the
girls father, what can do for you?"
"Why-er-I called, sir" stammered
the timid sutton. ITO see if-er-you
would give assent to my marriage with
your daughter"
mot cent, sir; not cent. Good
day."-Philadelph Press.
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1905-03-11
Useless Question.

Madam, did understand
that you lost your pocketbook before
or after you were at the bargain counr
ter?
Prosecuting Witness-I said there
, was money in it. didn't I?-Detroit
Free Press.
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1905-03-11

however, note a change in Miss Nit
ford's manner. There was a faint
CLEAN of hopefulness about her which
puzzled Mrs. Clark. Miss Milford had
long ago forsworn man, I'd it was
scarcely possible that she had become
interested in someone. That some
thing had happened, Mrs. Clark felt
sure, and she resolved to watch close
ly for developments. The captain was
as of yore. He shook the house with
his roars of laughter and joked with
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1905-03-11

This world would be far more dis
NAL than it is if the public found out
about it every time anybody made q
fool of himself.
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1905-03-11

1t is easier to like where one does
not love than to love where one does
not like.
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1905-03-11

TO CURE A COLD IN ONE DAY
Take Laxative Bromo Quinine Tablets. All drue.
gists refund the money If it fails to cure. E. ".
Groves signature IL on each box. Csc.
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1905-03-11
CONSTANT ACHING.

1. Back aches all the time. epolA
your appetite, wearies the body. :wor.
ries the mind. Kidneys cause Il AL
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1905-03-11

The flour for the bread of life is nev.
er packed in gun barrels.
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1905-03-11

Some sober men are kinder drunk,
and some drunken men are kinder
~xahar. -
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1905-03-11

A GUARANTEED CURE FOR PILES.
Is:h,ny, Blind, Bleeding ProtruGing Piles Your
dz3xg'st will refund money If PAZO OINTMENT
EA:is tn cure you in + to II days. SOC
The daily morning journal and courier. [volume] (New Haven, Conn.) 1894-1907, 1905-03-23
CHORAL UNION PLANS.
Arrangements for Meeting the Big De-
" mand for Tickets.

Arrangements for Meeting the Big De-
r.. mand for Tickets.
The management has arranged in re-
gard to the visitors at the Peoples
choral union to admit as many as can
be seats for fteen cents each person.
Prof. William Lyon Phelps president
will speak this evening explaining the
sale of tickets and the regulations de-
cided upon: also the minor business
matters to wind UP this most successful
season. The board of directors, Vice
President Jepson, musical committee
and the women who are working with
the management are all to be present.
The out OF town demand for seats
must be attended to by members who
have received orders Last season at
the first days sale people turned home-
ward without getting even a chance.
The management is anxious not to
have this happen again this year. The
fact that Mr.. Phelps is to speak is not
alone to the chorus but to the city and
university as well wonderful attrac-
ton, and the demands for admittance
grows with each mail. THE chorus, to
quote Mr.. Haesche, is in fine condition
vocally, and In the wonderful spirit of
enthusiasm that is unequalled in any
choral gathering in the state. The final
rehearsals now will be to finish and
polish st,t- . s=% ..,.ss.s. .3t T
The daily morning journal and courier. [volume] (New Haven, Conn.) 1894-1907, 1905-03-23
coNsIGNEEs MEET.

Local Merchants Who Lost Freight on
the Glen Island Appoint Committee
on Steamers Losses. ...s.ss
Local merchants who lost freight in
the burning of the steamer Glen Island
off Glen Cove, in Long Island sound,
last December, held a meeting yester-
day and discussed plans for recover
ing their losses of the starin Trans
portation company. H.
The meeting was attended by mer-
chants and lawyers representing other
consignees. Attorney Harry w. Asher
appeared for the majority Of the con-
signees. No definite action was taken
aside from the appointment of a com
mittee of three, consisting of w. o.
Pardee, of the Pardee-E llenberger COM
pany; Charles johnson and G. Hopkins
Gill, to interview other merchants and
meet again within a week, s...
While number of the merchants are
Joining in the movement to secure
something upon their claims for losses,
there are others In the city who say
that they will take no action against
the Starin line.
The daily morning journal and courier. [volume] (New Haven, Conn.) 1894-1907, 1905-03-23
CRIMINAL FOLLY.

Every year hundreds of protests
come to light against the short-sight-
ed policy which has abolished the
garrison canteen and given free rein
once more to the vile traffic conducted
just outside the garrison lines. At our
home posts We see evidences contin-
ually Of the evils caused BY driving
enlisted men from what were really
regulated, self-managed, and self re-
specteing clubs to the vicious resorts
which now prey upon and utterly de-
noralize them. Now at the remotest
outposts in the Philippines the same
miserable agencies Seem to. be secure
ly establishing themselves.
1t is deplorabie that military discli-
pline should be thus INSTRUCTED and
undermined. But that is one of the
fruits Of our present legislative policy.
By abolishing the canteen Congress
played directly into the hands of the
hoodlum rumseiler. Instead of sem
STOLE regulation of the sale Of beyer-
ages within the post, we have the un-
licensed sale of the vilest intoxicants
by mel whose interest lies not in re-
straining the soldier but in brutalizing
him. Instead Of applying the profits Of
the traffic to lettering the life, Of the
garrison, the present system diverts
them in lump to the pocket of the dive
keeper beyond the limit. New York
Tribune.
The daily morning journal and courier. [volume] (New Haven, Conn.) 1894-1907, 1905-03-23
time beforethe tracks are cleared. The
wrecker was sent from New Haven.
THE CAREER OF IRVING.


Sir Henry Irving's retirement for
the season may indicate an approach
ing end of his activity. The foremost
actor on the English-speaking stage
reached his zenith years ago--not so
much in talent as in success. r..,j
powers have remained, but the London
public tired of him.. 1t grants dra-
matte leadership to such. excellent
men but very moderate artists as Tree
and Alexander and forces the Lyceum
to close its doors for lack of patronage
Sir Henry has sometimes wished that
fate had made him an American We
have more great cities here. no one
of them controls an actors fate as
London does in England. Partly, it
must be confessed, Sir Henry's decline
in favor is due to him. He took his
position at head. without a second, be-
cause he was his country's greatest
actor and also the first manager to
use both the artistic and the business
possibilities of modern lighting and
machinery. He wanted partly because
of Miss Terry's failing powers, public.
Ackleness. and the rise Of other man
The daily morning journal and courier. [volume] (New Haven, Conn.) 1894-1907, 1905-03-23
List Of Patents.

Issued from the u. S. atent office, Tues
day, March 81, 1905, for the state Of
Connecticut, furnished us from the Of
flee of Seymour and Earle, solicitors Of
patents, S6S Chapel street, New Haven
Conn.
L. H. Brinkman assignor to Whit
lock Coil Pipe Co, West Hartford, ra
diator for motor vehicles.
Same; apparatus for bending pipe
1.-TWO patents).
c.. w. Goodridge, assignor to Bryant
Electric Co., Bridgeport, electrical fuse
box.
H. S. IIolcombe, Cranky, boarding
clamp.
A. M. Lane, Meriden, pendulum reg
ulator.
D. J. Macdonald, Groton, rail joint.
w. H. Stedman, assignor to Morrow
Machine Co., Hartford, needle plate and
support for sewing machines.
w. Waterman, Willimantir, pipe fit
ting.
r. P. Wakemafi, Southport, window
screen.
A. B. Wheeler, Manchester, window
fixture,
The daily morning journal and courier. [volume] (New Haven, Conn.) 1894-1907, 1905-03-23

ayers who could compete with nm in
scenery. bur partly also because he
lacked the instinct for current PLAYS
He proved his talent first in melo-
drama, and he never did anything
mere wonderful than THE Lyons
Nail" He added prestige with Shakes
peare. backed with other literary adj
ventures, as in direct or adapted ex-
pFessions of Goethe, Goldsmith. Ten
nyson, and Ceryantes. He has never
taken kindly to new plays expressive
of our time, nor has he found if easy
to work in harmony with successful
dramatists. These are serious mis-
fortunes, but in spite of them he took
and has long so held a large place in
England that the competitors for his
leadership look absurdly inadquate to
take his place. He is a big man. Sir
Henry; one TO whom, in these later
trials, we take off our hats in most
profound respect. Golfers.
The daily morning journal and courier. [volume] (New Haven, Conn.) 1894-1907, 1905-03-23
Norwalk and Bridgeport, and has an
other restaurant in South Norwalk.
WIRELESS MsAT WRECKED.

Bridgeport, March pa part of the
DeForest wireless station, located on
the East side, was destroyed last night
at ; O'Clock by the big mast over 200
feet high falling down and breaking in
three parts, carrying with It it's mass
of antenna wires, cables and ropes,
which covered the ground like a huge
web. When the mast toppled over it
luckily fell away from the station
building, fitted up with the delicate in
struments. In falling it made sound
like an explosion, when the heavy tim
bers struck the ground. 1t Is expected
that the collapse of, the mast will de-
lay the opening of the station in this
city for three weeks or a month.
The daily morning journal and courier. [volume] (New Haven, Conn.) 1894-1907, 1905-03-23
AFTER RIGHT OF WAY.

Proposed Naugatuck- Seymour Line
Having Hard Time Securing Rights.
From Naugatuck comes word that
the trolley company which proposes to
build the road between Seymour and
Naugatuck is not having an easy time
in securing property rights between
Beacon Falls and Naugatuck.
The company wants to lay its tracks
on private grounds through the dug
road section, for If it follows the. road
1T will be obliged to widen it in places,
and this course will involve consider
able expense. +. E.-..... s-.. :.
The route from Seymour to the Falls
has been staked out and the right OF
way is said to already belong to the
company promoting the enterprise.
The daily morning journal and courier. [volume] (New Haven, Conn.) 1894-1907, 1905-03-23

DANIEL RYAN AT THE HYPERION
Yesterday was the second day of the
engagement of Mr.. Daniel Ryan, the
young romantic actor at the Hyperion
and he appeared in two plays, present
ing '"The Mad King in the afternoon
and ''Virginius" in the evening. Dur
ing his engagement here Mr.. Ryan will
appear in eight different plays, a feat
in itself of no small consequence, when
we consider the amount of work re-
quired merely to keep in mind the va
rious lines and parts which he is play
ing. This afternoon "The Lady of Ly-.
ons'' will be presented and the evening
production will be Monte Cristo.'