The morning Astorian. [volume] (Astoria, Oregon) 1899-1930, 1905-07-24

'tig to repay tai, .~.,-
Had known where 10 reach yot
the loan would have been repaid years
ago As II is. l shall not content my,
self with handing you a check for the
amount. MIR, Green, have you ever
heard of the Great American Inter-
Manageable Pie conpanyw
Mr.. Green stood up and laughed,
Then he leaned against the wall and
aughed. Then he sat down and snlg
sered.
Our object is to make the American
pie known to the civilized world
Snown and appreciated, No other ma
ton ever built itself M ON pie, II is
the pie. sir--the American pie-that
rules the world. My coSpany proposes
to make them by the billion and ship
them to every inhabited spot on the
globe. From the LIST of October TO the
LIST OF March of every year we shall
make mince pies only. For0-eight In.
gradients and two crusts in every pie
our trademark plainly stamped on the
upper crust, and all persons counter,
feiting II will be arrested at once.
Every pie sent TO its destination In It's
own wooden dish, and 10 cents will
buy one In Persia as well us in Chi.
cago, One price to all, and nothing
like EN-. We have already secured
hundreds of testimonials"
Say. now-say, now-ha! hal har'
roared Mr.. Green as he laughed till he
was red in the face.
From March TO Oct. l." continued
the major. without turning hair, I'VE
shall send out custard, peach. cherry
and lemon pies. The price will be the
same, and they win give the same sat
isfaction. The capital is $3,000.0Q0,
all paid In, and the stock Is already
selling above par. Biggest, grandest,
richest thing on the face OF the earth.
The dividends will reach 100 per cent
In the first six months. Don't touch
Standard 0il-don't fool with the beef
trust. Come into the Great American
Interchangeable Pie company. That
is
''That is, you want me for vice presi
dent at salary OF $4,000 per yearT
interrupted Mr.. Green.
You have struck II exactly. Several
years ago you loaned me $5. II was
bread cast upon the waters. ! want
1t to return a hundredfold to you. l
want yon TO know and fully realize
that the sentiment Of gratitude still
beats in the human breast. Accept the
place, my dear old friend-accept II
and let me shake your hand In con.
graduation"
Are you through, major7' was
asked.
"well, you can tell me what you will
do. If you have better thing on hand,
why, / have nothing to say, but you
know l would like to have you with !
me-"
Mr.. Green smiled. Then he grinned. !
Then he chuckled. Then he roared and |
slapped his leg.
"And the dividends can't be less than !;
100 per cent after the first six months"
solemnly asserted the major, who was
q good deal troubled In his mind.
You slick deadbeat! You noble old
liar! You benefcent old baldheaded
son Of a gum
II do not understand you, sir"
Then Mr.. Green rose up with smile
on his face and reached out for the
major and made his heels knock over
the stove as he swung him arounA. !
The second swing cleared the desk,
and the third raked, the plaster all
along one wall Then the major was
stood on his head, stood on his feet,
danced up and down and played pitch
and toss with, and when he was finally |
left lying on the dusty floor Mr.. Green
passed out of the office with 'Ta tn,
major. The Great American Inter
changeable Deadbeat company wishes
you fond good day"
The major got up after few min
utes and brushed the dust of and sat |
down and hummed merrily to himself.
He had lost everything but honor, but
that was as safe as the rock Of Gibral-
tar. NJ. QUAD.