The news & observer. [volume] (Raleigh, N.C.) 1894-current, 1905-04-02
The MOON MAN INTERVIEWS
ONE OF OUR HIGHER CRITICS
BY REV. R. H. WHITAKER

people will soon become so accustom-
ed to surprises, and marvellous
theories. it will be almost impossible
to start anything, however exciting.
that will cause them to turn then
heads to look or prick their ears to
hear.
The Booker Washington theory took
the whole country by surprise; and,
in the South, especially, made the
white folks feel mighty bad and in
dulge in some upkipd feelings toward
their daddies and grand-daddies. And
later on the Dr.. Osier theory cut the
human race off at forty, declaring
mans "uselessness" at sixty, and
gravely limiting at giving the sixty
year olds an expeditions but peaceful
exit out of the world by the use or
chloroform. An insult, by the way,
to widowers who had dyed their
whiskers and hair. preparatory to 60
ing on the second or third campaign,
for young wives
And next comes q brand new sensa-
ton, from a Professor of the Chicago
University that almost paralyzes us.
We are gYavely told that, in the short
space of three millions of years, there
will not be a human being on the
earth. Just think of it--nothing here.
says the Professor, in three millions
of years, but birds. All the great
men and beautiful women, all the
beasts, the creeping things. the fishes
and every living thing on the earth
and in the sea, will have died-noth-
ing left but birds Awful And. what
makes it worse, the inference is easily
to be drawn that the birds which the
Professors prophetic eyes beheld in
that far off vision, will be buZzards;
for, ii is certain no other bird could
live under such circumstances. l guess
the Professors theory is. that. the hu-
man race viii become cannibal and
devour itself: and, then, on down
through ali the gradationS, from ele-
plant TO mouse, from whale TO min
now, from the crocodile to the tad
pole and from the tadpole to the
minutest insect, there will be a killing
and q devouripg, until the last man
has eat his last man and died of
starvation; and beasts birds fishes,
and every other living thing will have
been destroyed by It's kind, until even
the last mosquito has persisted for the
lack of another to feed upon; then
the buZZards will take possession and
eat up the scraps. After which, we
may suppose, they will strike out for
the moon or some other far away
planet.
What would the world do without
these advanced thinkers? Were it not
for them all Of us would be compelled
to put up with the old-time account
of creation, the fall of man and the
promise Of Il Saviour. and be forced 20
believe the gospel story also.
Talking about the buzZards flying
away to the moon reminds me that
read it In a book, not a great while
ago, that "LCnarius," the man in the
moon. made, CIR was supposed to have
made, q visit to the earth. / can't
vouch for the truth of the matter. but
] give the story on the authority of
the aforesaid book. l suppose the
author of the book was an advanced
thinker. Tie was higher critic. at any
rate, or he would not have gotten so
high up as to report a talk with the
man in the moon. Without any inten-
ton of shooting off new sensation
and with no hope of making SO much
fame as the average Sensationalist is
in the habit CT securing, / will give a
short account of that supposed visit,
and what the man from the moon
talked about. / have seen no mention
made of this most astounding occur
renee, in any of the newspapers, there
fore, l shall claim the credit of first
presenting the matter to the public;
not as sensation, but simply as a
write-up.
ought to state right here that the
Lunar visitor. the renowned Man in
the Moon" did not land on the earth
at all, but stopping some distance
up i'm the air, he reconnoitered. We
suppose, having discovered Chicago,
he dropped down little lower to
make minuter observations. and it
might have been the first human he
saw was that learned Professor of
the Chicago University. OF course he
had wings, or he could not have come
all the way from the moon. Seeing
those wings may possibly have sug-
gested to the Professor a new condi-
ton of things three millions of years
hence, When the earth should become
desolata region--the abode of buzz
yards That is mere speculation, how
ever, which ] hasten TO discard that
may report the supposed conversation
Poised in the air, the man from the
moon speaking in q voice that sound
ed very strange. though his dialect was
easily understood, cried. out:
us that Earth which 1 see?"
man eve will suppose the Pro-
fessor of the Chicago University,
looking UP, and seeing the strange OBJ
ject-a man with wings-answered:
This is Earth. Whence came you %
my home is the moon.'