davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Danville intelligencer. [volume] (Danville, Pa.) 1859-1907, 1905-06-16

until about one hour before his death.
He had been making fence in the
morning and came to the house about
l | o'clock and said To his wife :" will
go up stairs and lie down, as / feel
badly" She accompanied him up
stairs and gave him some home reme-
dies and some hot tea, and then he
felt some better, and his wife went
into another room to do little work
for II few moments. On returning
she found him dead. lie was about
60 years old and was an industrious
man. The G. A. r. Post, No. -,
of Lewisburg, attended the services of
which he was member. He is sur
vived by his wire and one daughter,
Mrs. Wertz, of Montgomery.
Danville intelligencer. [volume] (Danville, Pa.) 1859-1907, 1905-06-16

Mr.. Harry Roup, of Turbotville,
transacted business in this place Tues
day.
G. c. Fry and brother, Harry,
made business trip to Turbotville.
Miss Ruth Watson was the guest
of Ella Menges, at Paradise over
Sunday.
Thos. Harris spent several days
with friends and relatives at Mon
louisville.
John Hagerman was in this place
on business Monday.
Mr.. and Mrs. Frank Fry and
daughter attended church at Mckees
Sunday.
A large dance was held at the
home of Levi Rinerd's, near this
place last week. All report swell
time.
Our carpenters, the Wattses, are
very busy at the barn of Roscoe Ellis
in Limestone.
Danville intelligencer. [volume] (Danville, Pa.) 1859-1907, 1905-06-16
Died at Eighty-Five.
Too late for last week. ]

Too late Tor last week.
TuRBoTvILLE, Pa, June 8, '05.
EDITOR INTELLIGENCE,
DEAR SIR "Wednesday, May II,
closed the career of one of our good
citizens, when death claimed Mrs. A.
5. Wagner. Her earthly remains
were inferred the following Saturday
in Paradise cemetery. April 1lth
last marked her S5th year of mortal
existence. Her husband, who was
81 years old the 9th of last Febru-
ary, is still hale and hearty, Their
welded bliss extended to sixty-three
years on February 3rd last. Febru-
ary 3, 1912, they were joined by the
bonds of holy wedlock by the Rev. G.
f. Slower at Strawberry Ridge. Not
since May Oath, 1851, until the death
of the old lady, three weeks ago, was
there death in the family
Yours truly,
w. w. BARR.
Danville intelligencer. [volume] (Danville, Pa.) 1859-1907, 1905-06-16
Timely and Valuable Suggestions

Many people, especially women who
lead closely confined domestic lives,
suffer from what in general terms is
called D." nervousness" Among all
forms of treatment none has ever ap-
preached in success the intelligent
use of DR.. David Kennedy's Farorite
Remedy, of Rondout, N Y, wh ch
promotes an easy and natural action
Of the digestive organs and impa is
tone to the nervous system.
Danville intelligencer. [volume] (Danville, Pa.) 1859-1907, 1905-06-16
Would Create rlachineS.

PHILADELPHIA, Pa, June A.
James Dalrymple of Glasgow, says he
has seen enough of this country to be
convinced that the municipal owner
ship will never do in republic and
that the idea is one OF the great dang
ers with which the people of this coul :
try must contend. ITO put street car
lines, gas concerns. etc., under ma
nicipal ownership he said last eveL :
ing "would be to create a political
machine in every large CITY,"
Danville intelligencer. [volume] (Danville, Pa.) 1859-1907, 1905-06-16
Stationery for Farmers.

Farmers and Others, particularly those
living on the Rural Delivery routes,
should have printed stationery as well as
business men. 1t is not only more bust
ness like to send a letter with name and
address printed ON the notehead and en-
velope, but it insures the return of the
letter in case it is not delivered. We
are especially well equipped to do this
class of printing and can do it promptly
and neatly. We will supply $50 note
heads and 250 envelopes, extra quality,
for 81 so, or 75c for either one lot. This
is cheaper than you can buy the paper
and envelopes regularly at retail stores.
Danville intelligencer. [volume] (Danville, Pa.) 1859-1907, 1905-06-16
Scranton Has Lowest Fire Loss.

Scranton at $1,000 aud Harrisburg at
$4,000 had the low fire loss records for
May among Pennsylvania cities.
Wilkes.Barre with S3S9.000 had the
highest. Philadelphia had s61, 500
Altoona $35, 600: Berwick 5000; Car
Isle $1,000; Chester $4,000; Lebanon
s4i. 900; Lancaster $40. 900; Mechanics
burg 5000; Pittston $4,000; Reading
sl3. 500; Shippensburg $4,000; Scran ton
$1,000; Stroudsburg $40. .0o0: Shamok in
$4,000; Wilkes Barre 1899, 900; Will
Transport s2sO0; York sis0O.
Danville intelligencer. [volume] (Danville, Pa.) 1859-1907, 1905-06-16
President Roosevelt Mat immortal.

Minister Takahira, the Japarese
ambassador to the United States, said
when questioned about the Preside..t' s
identical note in reference to peacs
negotiations between Russia and Ja-
pan :
at is the mo It admira Bile piece Of
craftsmanship have ever seen. 1t is
based entirely upon the noble idea of
humanity aud civilization. 1t will be
re garded as the beacon light of the
civilized world, to be followed in in
ternational transactions, and | am
sure that the suggestion made in that
manner by the President will be
promptly accepted by Japan"
Danville intelligencer. [volume] (Danville, Pa.) 1859-1907, 1905-06-16

Kate Strouse. Lizzie Horton. Dorothy
Horton. Annie Setz, Ira Chrm. arthur
cklin, s IN Strouse, George Strouse.
Harry Harvey. Ambrose Prentiss.
Harvey Stroase, Elmer SsSQuse. John
Jones. Walter Trumbower. Roy Strouse.
Lee Strouss. Bert Goss, Wilbur Strouse,
Harry Strouse. Edward Weaver and
John Lee.
Danville intelligencer. [volume] (Danville, Pa.) 1859-1907, 1905-06-16
Spent Enjoyable Evening.

"A number OF young people from this
city were entertained at the homo Of
John q. Strouse, near washinRtonville.
Saturday night. The affair was given
by Mr.. aud Mrs. Strouse in honor of
their son William, of Philadelphia,
who il speuiing several weeks with
his parents. \ delightful evening was
spent. Retire.. hments were served. Tie
following que Is we're present: Misses
Rachel Churu, Stella Churm, Annie
Lee. Jennie Epson, jimmie S'rouse.
Danville intelligencer. [volume] (Danville, Pa.) 1859-1907, 1905-06-16
Speer's Port Grape and Burgundy Wine

Are extra fine. Taey are blooh-m
Ing aud pure natural tone. The
wines of the Speer New Jersey vine.
yards are unexce led by any in the
world. Their grapes are grown in a
soil rich in iron. The Port Grape
Wine and Burgundy are superior for
medical and family use. These wines
have secured reput ,tion second to
none in the world.
Danville intelligencer. [volume] (Danville, Pa.) 1859-1907, 1905-06-16
a DMINIsTRATRIX's NOTICE.

Estate Of William B. Fdur, late Of MaybeyTy
Township, Montour county, Pa.
Letters of admnistrat on on the above estate,
having been granted to the undersigned all per-
sons knowing themselves indebted to said estate
are hereby requested to make immediate settle
ment and those having claims are notified to pre-
sent them properly authenticated for payment to
CLARA 4. FAUX, Administrative,
Route No. 6, Danville. Pa.
Danville intelligencer. [volume] (Danville, Pa.) 1859-1907, 1905-06-16
PACIFIC COAST EXCURSIONS.
See the Most for Your Money.

Rock Island service TO California
permits you to do this. Low round
trip rates to Los Angeles, San Fran
cisco or Portland ON special dates in
June, July, August, September and
October. Liberal arrangements for
stop-over among the mountains OF
Colorado aud in Cal,fornia-sid trips
tn the Ye lowstone, Yosemite, etc
Write for Colorado aud California
books and Rock Island folder. John
Sebastian, Passenger Traffic Manager,
Rock Island system, Chicago.
Danville intelligencer. [volume] (Danville, Pa.) 1859-1907, 1905-06-16
A DMINIsTRAToR's NOTICE.

Mary RisleI late of Mdh0ning Township Mons
tour County, deceqsed.
Notice is hereby given that Letters of Ad-
minstration with the VIII annexed'upon the
estate of the said Decendent have been grant
ed To the undersigned. All persons indebted
to the said estate are required to make pay
ment, and those having claims or demands
against the said estate will make known the
same without delay TO
WIN. KAsT WEST, JAMES MORRISON
Attorney Admir-.
Danville intelligencer. [volume] (Danville, Pa.) 1859-1907, 1905-06-16
A DMINIsTRATRIX NOTICE!

Estate Of Charles VI. KIM, deceased, late Of the
Borough Of Danpitte, Mont0ur Co., Pa.
Letters of administration on the above es-
tate having been granted to the undersigned
all persons knowing themselves indebted to
said estate are hereby requested to make inn
mediate settlement and those having claims
are notified to present them properly authen-
ticated for payment to
MRS. MARGARET KIM, Administrative,
Danyille, Pa.
Danville intelligencer. [volume] (Danville, Pa.) 1859-1907, 1905-06-16

els yo' got emmy hath TO sale. boss 2
"Any what, auntyW
"Haih, boss"
"Hair"
"Yassuh; hath lax yo' got on yo'
haidv'
"Oh, hair"
"Yassuh; haih."
"Why. no, aunty; this is a dry goodI
store. not hair store"
Oats whut All lowed. boss. But
missus tole me to cum yeah an get
free yahds mo- hath. lax she done got
yistiddy."
"Oh. you mean 'mohair""
"Yassuh; mo- haih."-HOuston Post.
Danville intelligencer. [volume] (Danville, Pa.) 1859-1907, 1905-06-16

No matter what your business, us
good printing. It's the dress by
which the public judges you. We
can please you and make your print
ing profitable investment. The In
telligencer Printery, rear of No. 10
West Mahoning street.
Danville intelligencer. [volume] (Danville, Pa.) 1859-1907, 1905-06-16
Will Preach at Shiloh.

Rv r. B. Ferer. ID. D., of Reigels.
vile, Pa. will preach in Shiloh lie.
formed Church. next Sunday. both
morning and evening.
Danville intelligencer. [volume] (Danville, Pa.) 1859-1907, 1905-06-16

We still continue to give The Great
American Farm Journal to all of our sub
scribers who pay in advance. Think of
it. Two papers for the price OF one, and
only $l.00, too.
Danville intelligencer. [volume] (Danville, Pa.) 1859-1907, 1905-06-16


cures made by DR..
kilmer's S Swamp-Root,
the great kidney. liver
and bladder remedy.
1t is the great medi-
caltriumph Of the nine
teenth century; dis
covered after years of
scientific research by
DR.. Kilmer, the emf
nent kidney and blad-
Danville intelligencer. [volume] (Danville, Pa.) 1859-1907, 1905-06-16

Footing up the casualties of the
Far Eastern war is one Of the tasks
that will not be easy OF accomplish
nent.
Danville intelligencer. [volume] (Danville, Pa.) 1859-1907, 1905-06-16
Ladies Wanted.

A BRIGHT ENERGETIC WOMAN
woman work. Permanent position
Old established business house of
solid financial standing. Salary $12
to SIS weekly, with expenses, paid
each Monday direct from headquart-
ers. Expenses advanced. We furn-
sh everything. Address, Secretary,
620 Monom Block. Chicago, Ill.
Danville intelligencer. [volume] (Danville, Pa.) 1859-1907, 1905-06-16

Ask Your Dealer for Aliens Foot Ease
A powder for the feet 1t cures Swollen.
Sore, Hot, Gallons. Aching, Sweating
Feet, Corns and Bunions. At all drug
gists and shoe stores, 25c Ask today.
Danville intelligencer. [volume] (Danville, Pa.) 1859-1907, 1905-06-16
DO YOU GET UP
WITH A LAME BACK =?


Almost everybody who reads the news
papers is sure to know Of the wonderful
Danville intelligencer. [volume] (Danville, Pa.) 1859-1907, 1905-06-16
Painting EcOnmy.

7 T will cost you less to keep your
/ house properly painted with Lew
is" Pure White Lead than with any
otnel paint; and the house will look bet
ter Any good painter will corroborate
this.
SOLD BY
j. H. COLE
Danville intelligencer. [volume] (Danville, Pa.) 1859-1907, 1905-06-16

l. Clinton Kline. Esq.,- of Sunbury,
will deliver the address June Goth be-
fore the Washington Literary Society
at Lafayette College.
Danville intelligencer. [volume] (Danville, Pa.) 1859-1907, 1905-06-16

Summer
goods and unequaled prices, is the story.
Clearance Sale Continues
Special Bargains in Muslin Underwear-Laces and
Trimmings at Half price-Wash Goods and
Table Linens Are Reduced-WoOl
Dress Goods and Silks at
Clearance Prices
ALL THESE BRING COMFORT
oe s Ha e S"' R %aRs s oo s with "s a@ n"s s 0:s @ e
s s;s %
s" ssns % s s s p ss en-" S R up % % a ;sP and % ps % YER,
q @ S wide and wood pde
Reels 4S usually hose mounted
GqGst Set @ @ o. with eight b and maes good strong arches
quarts to quarts Other wakes, andr
Keep Sun Off tho Porch
s sss yss :s You 'fs sy
feet feet wSs wis s ss 10 fee; feet Wide was SS aSS
feet feet WIDE Wide Ia Ia 10 feet feet Wide wis asS ass
Cool Floor Coverings
either A @ @ @ H s % @ s' @ @ are easy @ EfsR @ s1 nsn "a s % be o ' %
'N'f 'pSf
] ss @ Mss % Sss s sSS @ y1 5y & %sy & pretty carpets 90 a' 80 "
with a @ S E st %dHs w ~i a5s " grass "s
The Place for Good Candy
them s.5 s%a At b es E s% " ts s are c% @ a o @ % Bon H
I "ssssn ist dna ill n n s' IN tin 1%n S Sc "a So Sugar WATERS
s'e' Ha% % lid %a ss assorted s S s o and Gum Full line Of PEN
Here's Sensation
] s @ ? S'i; s%" ;:' es
k" n s saS rs s sP tan and ge % ss7s 75s as ssa I % s. m
@ FP @ % DE- nd $ s 6 n s S.s:: i s s and brown
two s os " @ % y % as ssosa s g os @ aG~
SOC 2ainP ProofP 500 bue
Silk Grenadines Reduced
grey '%s apsa a ts s @ TsA 's as1 S
large @ o ss r R @ 9ss . s sn sa Sc % as tiny % dot and Others wit"
Big Bargains in Silks
l. Figured Hauta white with figuring flower 2
Shirt Waist
Still SOC 1aaeas
July DeIineators- Patterns
year July XII pHa B % @ @ % s'Sn % % IS an sTse @ Rass HHs
Special Prices Shoes
Either white special bargains
oxfOd of
One So lot %n % e oxford, bqe lace values s5
Hss s s
Men scar Shoes leather sOles 1Oo 125
Baby Carriages and Go.Carts-Prces, $2.75 to IL 90
you want the eOsst running kind then seyer
lots 9s 'ne "9 sn % S 5o0" tina" chair in the 0"
Refrigerators and Ice Chests
o have.
Refrigeator 650up 20O0 up to
Keep Out the Flies Now
90 quality Screen Doors, price. 79c.
our price 1gc
our price1O
Wire netting by the yard, all widths
Grocery Prices for Saturday, June IL
l5c TO 25c
lbs lbs
fol-
One lot of evaporaed for 2lc
Fresh Fig Bars Id.
Store Go.
Front 81 :. MIITlN PA Elm 81
Danville intelligencer. [volume] (Danville, Pa.) 1859-1907, 1905-06-16

Don't make any mistake, but remember the
name Swamp-Root, Dir. kimer's Swamp
Root, and the address, Binghamton, N. Y, on
every bottle.
Danville intelligencer. [volume] (Danville, Pa.) 1859-1907, 1905-06-16

oCi SPCSidilSt, ana Is
wonderfully successful in promptly curing
lame back. kidney. bladder; uric acid trou-
bles and Bright's Disease. which is the worst
form Of kidney trouble.
Or. Kilmer's Swamp-Root is not rec
commended for everything but If you have kid
ney; liver or bladder trouble it will be found
just the remedy you need. lthas been tested
in so many ways, in hospital work, in private
practice, among the helpless too poor to pur-
chase relief and has proved so successful in
every case that a special arrangement has
been made by which all readers Of this paper
who have not already tried it, may have a
sample bottle sent free by mail, also book
telling more about SwampRoot and how to
find out if you have kidney or bladder trouble.
When writing mention reading this generous
ss's5 ss@s yev4 ,s 'A': s5s4ss, ssPss '9s I'd
DR.. Kilmer & Co.. Bng- iii
hamton, N. Y. The ssssl. @ 1g.ss)H@
regular fifty cent and Home of swamp-Roo..
dollar sizes are sold by all good druggists.
Don't make any mistake, but remember the
name Swamp-Root, Dir. Kilmer's Swamp
D.., tb tb., a a
Danville intelligencer. [volume] (Danville, Pa.) 1859-1907, 1905-06-16

offer in this paper and
send your address to
DR.. Kilmer & Co. Bing-
hamton, N. Y. The
Danville intelligencer. [volume] (Danville, Pa.) 1859-1907, 1905-06-16
Cool Floor Coverings


either
shipped direct from
Is
30 C
both kinds by roll
will
with a sprngy wide,
Danville intelligencer. [volume] (Danville, Pa.) 1859-1907, 1905-06-16
Keep Sun Off tho Porch

Porch Screens what you want for the sum
and let the air ina pull at the rope and you lower
Bamboo Screens made OF split bamboo do not '
drop of feet.
feet wide, soc. fe
4 feet wide 1.20. 10 fe
Green painted Screens, present more handsol
complete with pueys and ropes
feet wide, l.76. s fe
u feet wide, 2.64. 10 fe
Danville intelligencer. [volume] (Danville, Pa.) 1859-1907, 1905-06-16

Regular MY cent and Home OF Swamp-Roo
dollar sizes are sold by all good druggists.
Danville intelligencer. [volume] (Danville, Pa.) 1859-1907, 1905-06-16
SCHREYER STORE co.
SCHREYER STORE co.
What You Want for Summer

ECESSARY hepul for making ones self and the home
N comfortable these summer days Buyers will find
IN greater than usual degree salts action in the extent variety
and general high character of Summer Goods. Reliable
goods and unequaled prices, is the story.
Danville intelligencer. [volume] (Danville, Pa.) 1859-1907, 1905-06-16

finished spnt
41
Chairs
finished with painted frame,
l.
we'll oiled
strong,
Immccks in bright rich eoo with wide valance and wood pder
pillows, 80, 275, 800
usually holds mounted wheels
malet
Tightening makes all
SOU Squarts Other wakes, Blizzard and Twin
Danville intelligencer. [volume] (Danville, Pa.) 1859-1907, 1905-06-16
The Place for Good Candy

kinds Am
a
Chocolates, all havor, 25c b h..
dinner
chocolate vanilla, and dassore
lineo of
ny Goods. Reading Pretzes, 5cd
Holbrook argus., 1905-09-30
Butter Made of Cocoanut.

A new butter is now being made from the milk of the cocoanut. This milk, when subjected to temperature which is imported in great quantities from India and Africa. The better qualities of it are obtained from Cey- lon, Cochin China and Australia. The nut produces 60 per cent of oil and one acre of land planted with cocoanut trees would produce over 400 pounds of oil. This has hitherto been used for fats for soap, or for machinery oil, and the better qualities employed in tho manufacture of textile goods.
 In France this oil is now subjected to a special treatment and converted into butter.
 Dr. Heuner, German chemist, pro- poses to buy up all the cocoanut oils and transform them into what he terms vegetable butter"
 The cocoanut butter, like that made from cows milk, contains [ per cent of soluble acids. It will keep from fifteen to twenty days without show ing any sign of acid reaction, and it contains from twenty-five to thirty times less water than ordinary butter, while its slowness in oxidiZing makes 1t specially suitable for pastry and cakes, as they will not get stale so quickly when made with it as with other butter.
 Another advantage claimed for the cocoanut butter is that it seems to be an antiseptic medium, while milk is most favorable to the culture of mi crobes.
 At the central hospital of Vienna and in various hospitals in Switzer- land experiments have been made with this new butter and the results have been pronounced satisfactory.
Holbrook argus., 1905-09-30
A Captain of ndustry.

For several days the policeman on the beat had observed small boy who spent the most of his time lounging near downtown street crossing, and seemed to have nothing to do. One morning he accosted him.
 "Tommy," he said, or whatever your name is, you do entirely too much loafing round here. Hadn't you better be at home?"
 q ain't loafin'," indignantly replied the boy. q got reg'lar job here."
 You've got job? What is it?'
 "De guy wot owns dis store pays me dollar week fur keepin' dis crossin' swept clean"
 But l never see you doing any work" said the policeman.
 Course not" returned the boy. q takes de money an lets out de job fur fifty cents week to de kid wOts out dere sweepin' de crossin' now. He gifts his pay reg'ler, an don't have to do no headwork huntin' jobs."
Holbrook argus., 1905-09-30
Kaiser and Children.

Recently the Kaiser and Kaiserin visited Saarbrucken to unveil a statue in that town, their little daughter, Princess Louise, being left in the meantime in the royal car at the rail way station. A beautiful bouquet of flowers had been brought for presen- tation to the little princess by three small girls, who looked very disap- pointed at the absence of the little Louise. The Kaiserin, who noticed it, at once ordered that the children should be driven to the railway station to deliver their present. They found the Princess Louise at supper, and one of the children described how she had spilled some egg and cocoa on her white frock. She was very friendly and pleased, and talked Us though she had known them lever so long,"
 "The Empress, too," the girl relates, twas very kind to us at once, and said: Little girls, when you come to Berlin, you must really and truly come to see us. Promise me that you will come.' And the little princess also said we must come. The Emperor shook hands with us, and when he squeezed my hand bit I squeezed back, and he laughed and put his other hand on top of it. Then both the Elm peror and Empress kissed us, and the Emperor said: Well, little girls, I think my daughter must make you a pretty present in return for your beau- tiful fowers.' When we had left, and stood on the platform watching the train move off, the Emperor and En- press and the princess looked out, nod ding and waving good-by till the train disappeared ed.-Housekeeper.
Holbrook argus., 1905-09-30
Business Diplomacy.

The book agent had managed to gain an audience with the lady of the house by sending up an innocent-look- ing card. He no sooner began to state his business, however, than the lady called to a servant and said:
 "James, show the gentleman the door"
 "Thank you, James," said the willy agent in a kindly tone, but it will be unnecessary for you to trouble yourself. I saw the door as I came in, and I must say 1t is a handsome thing-indicating a home of culture and refinement. Now, madam" he continued, turning to the lady, 'as I was saying, in order to introduce this grand work we are offering a limited number of copies to the leading so- ciety people of the city at the special price of only $10. This is the first call have made, as your name heads the list"
 Note-He got the $10.
Holbrook argus., 1905-09-30
Couldn't Lose Him.

Darling" queried the young man, as he seated himself beside the little bunch of blondined loveliness on the parlor sofa, lis it true that your father has lost every dollar he had in the world?'
 "Yeth, Thammy, dear," lisped the fair damsel, as little red-hot tears began tc bubble in the corners of her indigo blue eyes, ''yeth, it ith only too true, l am thorry to thay-thorry for your thake, and thorry for my own thake ath well for l realithe that thith that blow mutht cauthe uth to theparate forever"
 Did Sammy extend the icy digit then and there? Not so, gentle reader, not SO. Kindly gaze on the next kinetoscope pie ture and you will see her tightly clasped in his arms, while his mustache is i'm mersed in her tear-bathed complexion. Sammy was no quitter. He knew that he could work hard between meals and earn money enough to buy all the wealth they needed in their business-and he also knew that tongueted females were scarce, and he couldn't afford to take any chances.
Holbrook argus., 1905-09-30
Church Built of Fossils.

There is church in the quiet little village of Mumford, near Niagara Falls, which is composed entirely of fossils. At first glance the walls ap- pear to be constructed of rough sand stone smeared with an uneven coating of gritty, coarse plaster, but a closer view reveals the error of this first conclusion. Instead of plaster the eyes behold traceries of delicate leaves, lacework of interwoven twigs, bits of broken branches, fragments of messy bark and splinters of wood, all preserved against the wasting of time and decay by being turned into the hardest of finty limestone. AS mat ter of fact, every block of stone in the four walls is a closely cemented mass of dainty fossils.
Holbrook argus., 1905-09-30
OUR BUDGET OF FUN.
HUMOROUS SAYINGS AND DO.
 INGS HERE AND THERE,
Jokes and Jokelets that Are Supposed to Have Been Recently Born-Sayinns and Doings that Are Old, Curious and Laughable-The Weeks Humor.
Plan of Action.

Amateur Writer-My friends say this story of mine will prove great success and they have promised to buy it when it comes out in book form.
 Editor-How many friends told you that?
 Amateur Writer-Oh, dozen or more.
 Editor-Go and make hundred thousand more such friends, get their written agreements to buy the book, then come back and I'll talk business with you.-Success.