The Topeka state journal., 1905-07-03
HUMOR OF TIE DAY

II HUMOR OF TIE Day 1
He-No. I never met her, but she
must be very charming.
She-Who told you that?
He-Nohody. but all you other girls
admit that she'd be all right if she
wasn't SO horribly conceited.-Catholic
Standard and Times
LET me see.p said the minister. who
was filing out the marriage certificate
and had forgotten the date, ''this is the
5th. is it not?"
mo. sirl" said the bride, with some
indignation, this is only my thirdI''-
Lippincott's.
''Wfay do you so often invite that old
gossip, Mrs. Brown"
'sOh, she always knows so many in
teresting things TO tell that every one
forgets to eat, and almost all the cake
is left. t.''-F'iiegende Blaetter.
What is your idea of an induIgent
mother?" asked the typewriter boarders
'sAn indulgent mother replied the old
bachelor, lis one who never interferes
when her darling cherubs make, life
miserable for ither people. Detroit
Tribune.
Bess-Charlie, will you tell me what
time it is? I've left my watch at nay
aunt's.
Charlie-Awfully sorry. but I can't.
I've left mine at my cles.-Detroit
Free Press.
Reporter--I have written just one line
about the meeting tonight.
Night Editor Observation-Disclosures
boil it down.-Somerville Journal.
s.Blank says he cashes his brains for
Il don't doubt it. He has a reputa-
ton for trying to pass plugged money.
Detroit Free Press.
siOf course it is essential said the
long-Winded bore, that a man should
weigh his words when speaking"
"Yes, and for some" interrupted KEN
dor, Its well not to give such gener-
Gus neasure."-Philadelp Press.
The sweet girl graduate was reading
her essay.
The fond mother, sitting near the
front now, was gazing at her with rap
tire. s s-z,-..s --rt5.s,.9
Tighmus,' whispered the adniring
Indeed I arn,'' answered the mother:
"It cost SIS, and fits her like a glove!
Chicago Tribune
First Club Woman Ca few years
hence)-Men are enough to drive
woman crazy.
Second Club woman-Indeed they
First Club Woman-On1y think! For
five nights last week remained at the
club terribly late, and yet when I Went
home didn't find my husband wait
ing at the top of the stairs to upbraid
me for neglect The heartless brute
was in bed. sleeping like top, and
actually smiled in his dreams.-New
York Globe.
Doctor" said the facetious fat man.
"I believe I must have malaria.
What makes you think sc?
tFWell. I feel heavy when I get up
| in the morning" - Philadelphia
ledger.
ress-Do you think Marie's photo
graphs do her justice?
mercy.-Detroit Tribune.
Mildred-"Papa, when does the
silly season begin?'' Papa-"The
silly season, my dear. began with the
| fall of man. Tribune.
"Pd like to see something soft in
coats.'' he said in the clothing store.
'.An right" said the clerk. moving out
one. ~ onkers Statesman.
Old Gent tout of depth in riverl--
af.p! @Iafa on bsaK,Waal eaHt zwin Amefican geess
can't swim either; but I'm not making
such durnd noise about it."-Punch.
Cholly-"I s-say. guide; think we
are following these bear-tracks in the
wrong direction Guide-"Oh, no.
We will soon catch up with him.
Cholly-"T-that's what m-meant. -
Judge.
eft is hard to tell whom you can
trust said one CRATER. Yes" an
swered the other. Sometimes think
there is no such thing as honesty. You
never know who is going to turn
states evidence next. ."--Washingte
Star.
mo, indeed" she said. 'I can never
be your wife. Why, I had half a
dozen offers before yours HUH
rejoined the young man in the case.
eThat's nothing. I proposed to at
least a dozen girls before met you
Chicago Daily News.
First Clubman (gouty and irritable)-
Don't you remember the time when a
man on a small income could afford to
! have beefsteak regularly every day?
| Second Clubman-YeS. Don't you re-
member how laundering tough and
! tasteless it was?-Chicago Tribune.
REFLECTIONS OF A BACHELOR
[F'rom the New York Press.1
Girls are awful nice things not to