The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1905-07-23
HOME RUN HAGGERTY.
s. 81 3 s 'Ez By George U1zam Daley

0NE wild. stormy night in early
~ spring we was settin' in the snug
barroom of the Alfalfa house, glad
we didn't have TO go out. and maxim
plans for winnin' the Corndroppers'
League pennant for the fourth straight
time, when the door busts open an a
iohg guy with cornsilk muStache
lopes m When he had dashed the mud
out his eyes and the rain of his hat
he looks around an says:
Excuse me, but where in thunder
am 1 ?"
That was breezy enough, an we
breezed right back:
You're in the Alfalfa house barroom,
an the bar is plumb dead ahead"
That seemed to hit him Were he lived
and he orders a round. Then he says:
You'll all excuse my seemin' dun
fOOlness. but I'm very much s'prised,
an amt got over il yet. I hadn't
thought 1 was within a million miles
of anything Wen the lights O. this town
hove in sight in front. an 1 had TO slow
up an git of TO inquire the way. Wot
is thiS-JuDiter?"
who was behind the bar. This is Al
falfa''
That don't mean nothin' to me-"
says he, tossin' off some booze, while
we opened our eyes at his ignorance.
"WOt kentry, world. state, principality,
hemisphere, continent or universe am
I in? That's wot l want to know"
You're in Kansas, then says Pinch
The feller shook his head with no
light o recognizing in his eyes. Gee,
This was peculiar
You don't mean to say you never
heard O. Kansas" says Pinch. The
land O wheat an women, Girls an
grasshoppers, Drairies an politics an
booze an baseball
At that the stranger jumps out an
sings out his hand
Put it therei" says he ANY one
who en- play ball has heard O. Pleisdes
PeterEin Of Plantyille. the champion
batter of the Marsian League"
Then it was our turn 10 look su' prised
and blank.
Never heard o no such league, nor
no such town, nor no such feller." saws
Pinch. But If you play ball anywhere
an pose as a hitter you sure must
heard o. Home Run Haggerty, o the
Corndroppers' League"
SAY Them words just electrified that
Teller.
''Haggerty.'' he shouted. THE Corn
troopers League!'' And with that he
pulls a bail with fat side to il out OF
his pocket.
Now" says he. "TlI explain. I just
jest got in on my autowindile firm
Mars. Wether I'm in Jupiter, Saturn,
the moon or the earth. I dunno; but
this here bail fell into our grounds a
vile ago, an I'm here to git the man
that hit 1t an take him back 70 the
Marsfan League an glory
An then he showed US, writ on the
ball in Josh Hapgood's we'll known
writin':
This ball was hit by Home Run Hag-
gerty of the Corndroppers' League. Re
turn to Josh Hapgood. manager"
Josh had saved lots o. balls that I had
knocked out o sight in that way.
say! was surprised myself when
this Teller Pleiades Peterkin told us
that that ball had been picked up in
Mars, an the other feIlers was simply
aghast. Josh Hapgood wasn't there, or
he'd a written poem about it on the
spot, but Merritt had wind enough left
to pipe OUT
That was that homer that beat the
Burdocl6s the other day" says he. ''Gn
Weston swore that II went into the
clouds, an he had a good look off the
top o the fence in deep center
mol mol" says Peter Brown THAT
must "a been that horrible smash that
went into that black cloud over left
field and brought the rain last Tues
day week-the first game o. the season.
Remembered it stopped the game in
the sixth innin'?'
81 think you're in wrong" says Tar
Paper Hennessy Remember that
cIout he give it left handed last Fri
day? That was headin' straight for
Mars, on a dead Decline, wen we lost
sight of il over the right field Tense
an the river"
Pleiades Peterkin had elapsed in the
meantime an ordered another drink.
You don't mean to tell me-" says
he. that this here heavy hitter does
this right along? We ffggered it might