The Birmingham age-herald., 1905-02-18

f N truth It were a rare feast for the
 eriticsl How they eaekled in secret 2 as they sharpened their wits and poured out the vitriol of their sarcasm. And with what unetion they greeted this new opportunity to be funny! It was all so absurd, so pathetic and yet so in- tensely humorous that words came crowd ing upon each other; brilliant sallies came without effort and seintillating shafts flew thick and fast, inspired by the efforts of new star u win fame and fortune in the glare of a great eity's footlights There was much silent laugh ter after the performance that night in the various cubby holes where critics were grinding out their copy. But 1t was scarcely grinding this time, for the spectacle Of an incapable woman trying to blunder through the familiar lines of play known around the world was '.too rich for anything. It was seldom in- deed that the astute and blase critics had the pleasure of witnessing a display of weakness that offorded such an inspirit ing theme for ridieule
 The next morning all the papers con- tained criticaues of the performance of new aspirant so brilliant. witty and clever that all the town laughed. Each writer had vied with his fellows to the end that ''roasts' more diverting had seldom been known before. All these masterly compositions were directed at frail young girl with ambition, who sat up all night waiting in an agony of sus- pense for the verdict of the press. In the cheerless grey light of the morning she stood at the window and read the cruel thrusts. the brutal jects and the heartless cynicism with which the labor of her soul was adjudged While the public laughed and threw bouquets at those witty fellows "on the papers, and while the witty fellows were sleeping peacefully in their beds the girl sobbed violently. She was failurel Rather sad don't you think? But it often happens Life is made up of these little stories.
 Six members of the Arizona legislature determined to reach the capital. Phoenix in spite of traffic troubles and very un- favorable climatic conditions. They walked nine miles o1wn the track of the M. & P. railroad from Maricapa crawled "coon fashion" ;ro5' the rem nants of the GiIa river bridge and, as they sat down exhausted on the her side. the bridge crashed down into the chan nel. Noble legislators! Such stern de votion to the duty which called them to Arizona's legislative halls hearkens back to the time of our stout and uncorrupted forefathers. Is it possible that among these courageous gentlemen such thing as "boodle" has ever been whispered? Surely not.
 l It is charming to see the freedoom and case with which trust magnates pay a visit to President Roosevelt these days. MT. Hartman has but lately paid his re- spects and enjoyed a brief talk" with the executive. Yet these two gentlemen are supposed to have widely divergent, if not heated views on trust" legisla- tion. There is nothing like diplomacy.
 young lady in Pennsylvania has solved the problem of what to do with persons who send comic valentines. She has just applied a broom to a certain young man whom she suspected of being the author of a monstrosity that not only called her an ole maid but heaped insult upon calumny in doggerel. Poison might be more certain in such cases but the broom is quite effective when applied to the right person. However, it is best to be sure that you have the guilty in dividual before beginning treatment
 young married man was discussing