The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-03-09

His sI1nock-Down Sale" Is Not a
Success.

I vhas smoking my pipe and be-
Heving I vhas in der poorhouse in one
week more, When dot drug store man
comes in ind says:
Hans, see how it vhas NIT you.
You vhas no mans to take advantage
of der occasion. If you vhas you
would be a rich mans by dis time
But where vhas dot occasion?"
says.
must be blind if you don't see it. Did
you look in my window for three days
back 2"
"No''
"vhen. .vhas a man to keep my
eyes open. In my window vhas a big
sign dot reads: Consumption cure
only 40 cents dis week -
But I don't hat some consumption
cure TO SELL
dot vhas no deeference. People
who hat consumption see my sign
ind come rushing in, ind I sell thirty
bottles a day. If 1 hat no sign nOpody
comes in ind I make no sale. Don't
you see2 1t vhas bargains, bargains,
bargains You must make some
knock-down sale for der winter Der
public vhas crying oudt for bargains
Why. even some undertakers vhas cut
ting down prices to make room for
spring stock"
Dot druggist talks to me dot vhay
for half an hour, und When he goes
AWAY I make me a sign dot reads:
Eaferypody who WANTS bargain sales
come in
Maybe it vhas only feefteen minutes
before an old Teller comes in ind
looks at me ind says:
so you vhas enterprise, Ell ~
Il vhas sooch enterprise ash you
neffer saw in dis town before" / says.
dot vhas right. If you don't hat
spout in no time I see you hat
sale on hand. What vhas she? I vhas
shust walking around to look for bar
gains.
down shust one-half for one week. Now
vhas dot chance of your life. You may
live one hoonered years und not see
shoe-pegs ash cheap again. Will you
take one bushel or two2"
Look here, old Mans says he, ash
he looks red in der face, maybe you
belief / vhas fool!'
of course not. / belief you like to
take advantage of my knock-down sale
und buy enough pegs to last you for
der rest of your life. Here vhas long
pegs und short pegs, ind der price of
either vhas shust one-half. If you hat
some friends"
you oldt fraud, but 1 like to knock
your head off. Dis vhas some swindles
on der pOOblic. und if you gif me two
words of sass I hat you in Jail. Der
idea dot you make a knOck-dCWn sale
of shOe-pegs. What vhas shoe-pegs?''
-Shoe-pegs vhas to drive into shoes,
I says, .und you find EN- mighty
handy. If you don't hat pegs you hat
to use single nails VIII you take
some advantage"
Yes. I vhin!" he roars. you come
oudt doors und I take two advantages!
If I don't lick you ind all your shoe
pegs den / vhas no mansi'
He goes AWAY mad, und I go by dot
drug store ind tell der druggist how it
vhas.
''Neffer mind, Hans he says "Dere
vhas some cranlzs around, und he vhas
one of EN-. WY, a woman comes in
my store yesterday, und when 1 offer
her carbolic acid at one-half off she
says I vhas a villain. You shust keep
right on init your sale, und don't mind
a few cranks."
I don't be back in my shop ten min
utes When q womans comes in und says.
Look here, cobbler, but vhas dis a
genuine sale2''
1T surely vhas. ma'am,' / says.
"Vhen if it Wasn't you viii hear
from my husband. I like to make some
bargains, but When I vhas swindled I
vhas so mad I vhas dangerous. What
you hat to sell at half-price2''
Shoe-pegs. ma'am-der best shoe
SO cents a bushel any day in der year,
but on dis occasion I cut der price
square in two. Shall I send you home
a busheI2''
Shoe-pegsi" she screams What shall
do init shoe-pegsr'
You can keep EN- for your shoes. or
you can use EN- for kindling wood.
Some folks let der baby play NIT 'em.
Der coal mans on der corner buys a
whole buShel of me for his horse to
pick his teeth init I warrant eafery
one to be a genuine peg, und-''
Und 1 warrant you something's elser'
she says ash she shakes her fist at me.