Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1905-08-17

days we were on dinky steamboats, with
Arabs, Turks, negroes and all %nationali-
ties camping on deck, full of fleas, and
with cholera germs On them big enough
to pick like blueberries, and all of the
passengers were dirty and eat things
that would make a dog in America go
mad. The dog biscuit that are fed to
American dogs would pass as a delicate
CONNECTION on the menu of any steam
boat we struck, and | had rather lie
down in a barn yard with a wet dog for
a pillow and a cast-off blanket from a
smallpox hospital for a bed, than to
occupy the bridal chamber of any steam
boat we struck.
And then the ride across the desert
by rail to reach Cairo was the worst in
the world. Passengers in rags, going to
Mecca, or some other place of worship,
eating cheese a thousand years old made
from old goats milk, and dug from the
Pyramids too late to save it, was what
surrounded us, and the sand storm blew
through the cars laden with germs of the
plague, and stuck to us so tight you
couldn't get it off with sandpaper, and
when we got here all we have had to do
is to battle the dirt off in layers.
1t takes nine baths to get down to
American epidermis, and the last bath
has a jackplane to go with it, and a thing
they scale fish with. But we are all
right now, with room in the hotel, and
rested, and when we go home we are
going to be sailed down and given
chloroform and shipped as mummies.
Dad insists that he will never cross a
desert or an ocean again, and | don't
know what is to become of us. Anyway
we are going to enjoy ourselves until we
are killed off.
The first two days we just looked
about Cairo, and la the congress of ma.
tons, for there is nothing just like this
town anywhere. There are people from
all quarters Of the globe, the most out
landish and the most up-to-date. This
place is an asylum for fakirs and rob.
bers, a place where defaulters, bribers
murderers, swindlers and clippers
are safe, as there seems to BIZ
no ~extradition treaty that cannot
be overcome by paying money to thu
officials. found that out the first day
and told dad we should have no stand
ing in the society of Egypt unless thu
people thought he had committed som
gigantic crime and fed his country.
Dad wanted to know how it would
strike me if it was noised about the no
tel that he had robbed a national bank
but | told him there would be nothing
uncommon or noticeable about Robin,
a bank, as half the tourists were banl
defaulters, SO he would have to be &C
cused of something startling, so we de
cided that dad should be charged will
being the principal thing in the Stand
ard Oil company, and that he had under
ground pipe lines running under sew
eral states, gathering oil away from tn
people who owned it, and that at tn
present time he was worth a billion dol
lars. and his income was $4,000, 90
every little while. and, by ginger, yo'
ought to see the people bow down to him
Say, common bank robbers and default
ers just fell over themselves to get &C
quainted with dad, and to carry out tn
joke, | put some kerosene oil on dad
handkerchief, and that clinched it, TO
everybody loves the smell OF a perfum
that represents a billion dollars
All the women wanted to dance wit
dad in b hotel dance, and because tba
thought I must be heir to all the Of
/ billions, they wanted to hold me O.
their laps, and stroke my hair, as thong
| was IL. | guess we are going to hav
/ everything our own way here, and
t dad does not get eloped with by som
Egyptian princess, shall be mistaken
: The Egyptians are pretty near being ne
!. groes, and wear bangles in their ear
and earrings on their arms. You TAX
It In the dark, and let a princess pr
! her arm around you, and sort OF squee2
, you, and you can't tell but what she
white. only there Is an odor about thel
like "Araby the blessed, \ but in the ligf