The Washington times., 1905-04-30

Sam Merritt is great on readin' news
papers. He reads one most every day,
an it amt Just the baseball news,
either He'll so through the hull thing.
an be just as Interested in the trimmin'
the Russians is gittfn' as in a hoss race.
Reggie said once tnat he was a ON
nivorous reader. Maybe he is: ler, it go
at that, for he's a powerful good ball
player
Well, one day Sam was readin' a paper
when he came across somethin' that
made him wipe his eyes an rubber
again.
"ostler's" Theory.
Look here says he, "a guy named
ostler, a saw bones I'm down Baltimore
way, gives it out that men have iost-al
usefulness after they get TO be forty
years old, II that they'd ought TO be
chloroformed If they I've a day oyer
sixty. Says this here earth is too good
for EN- at that age. How's that hit you
fer the strenuous life?"
1T don't hit me- says L II amt
forty vet, an I amt past sixty. How
does this guy know these things; does
say that?"
No; II just says he says en-
.'Well, his mouth is no prayerbook, -
TX , SaSN ~ SAiOh 1lE SOUlE-
Elin' besides his say-so.''
An Established Fact.
"Oh. that amt what 1 meant He
aint just sayin' SO to hear himself talk
He's doped II out, after years o study
o human nature an seen things. Now
he says its become no longer a theory
but an established fact"
The dickens you say says I gettin
feIlers over forty in the Corndropper'u Il
have to be released, an all them over
sixty's got TO be chloroformed? %
Exactly" says Sam.
wen have TO put Josh Hapgood wise
TO this, says l. An then he N re-
lease all them on our team over forty.
They's only one. though-Iamp Hymes. -
rs he forty?" says Sam.
rs he fifty, you mean, says / He
comes perilous near the eholoroform lin
it, he does Why, he reached Jake
BeeRley how to hold a bat, he did.
beats ali how these old felIers hang
on, says Sam. You couldn't exactly
say Lamp Hymes has lost his useful
ress, bein' as next 70 Reggie, he's our
best pitcher
Shuts Out All.
THAT don't make no difference It's
his misfortune 10 be an exceptional case
Look at j J1sh Hapgood-a clever man
ager. Can't make no distinctions. They'r r.
over forty-that shuts en- out
''Wef, is easy enough about that,
says Sam. Il 'spose they'd ought to bt
shut out # this here doctor says so
we sure amt the ones. to decide who's
useful an who amt But this chloro
formin business. Whose goin' TO dc
that?''
Dunno says I. Who is they to dc
1t to?"
Nobody, 'cept old Neely Duff, O. the
Hayvilles. He's over sixty. He shaves
twice a day TO keep the gray bristlos N
shown on his face an uses black hai
dye. An he's always laushin' when h,
beats a nine o young feIers, anC
chuckles over il like it was the best Jok,
ever
Hes a blame good pitcher fer over
sixty says HE en- pitch some par
ticular good curves.',-
Makes No Difference.
That don't make no difference say.
Sam. Hes over sixty, amt he? Tha
lets him out. Now, he's got to b.
chloroformed, an we got to do it-bein
as were the only ones around here tina
knows abnnt this here new thing, Wei
be paying debt TO humanity"
4 like to pay debts" says / -'Wl.el
it don'1 take no money TO do il Bu
about this .chloroforn atQff. Is it any
thing like radium ."
whats that?"
Used Radium-
"Radiun? Don't you know the stuf
me an Pinch Hobbs fed 10 old Gilsoi
Billiams an made him the winnin' pitch
er o the league four seasons back
Guess you was out on the coast tha
year. Why you know ellison was one
the National Leagues starriest star, I'll
booze cut him down; an then one day
when we needed a pitcher very bad
Pinch an me dug him up and Pincn pu
the radium on piece o. sugar an I he'll
his nose an made hifla open his bin an
we got 1t down him He pitched forty
four straight winnin' games after that
an we'd had him yet only radium go
so high Josh couldn't afford il ever
game an had 10 turn him loose. II
went back to the hooze again an he
gone for good, 1 guess. But you cal
see why 1 don't want this chIoroforn
business 10 be like that. for with u
win forty-four games straight the IA
nous Alfalfas'd have a slim chance O
the pennant and prize money this year.
"Oh, chloroforIn ART nothing lilk
that says Sam. II just puts you u