Twice-a-week plain dealer. (Cresco, Howard County, Iowa) 1895-1913, 1905-06-09

can enjoy your religion and yictuals
as well as ever, but the seasickness
that the English channel gives you is
permanent investment, like govern
ment bonds that you cut coupons of
OF. 'spect we shall be sick always
now, and worse every other day. like
chills and fever.
Say, q boat on the English channel
does not roll, or pitch, at intervals,
like boat on ordinary water, but it
does stunts like broncho that has
been poisoned by eating loco-weeds.
and goes into the air and dives down
under, and shakes itself like black
bass with q hook in its mouth, aad
rolls over like a trained dog, and sits
up on Its hind legs and begs, and then
walks on Its fore paws, and seems To
jump through hoops, and dig for wood
chucks. and all the time the water
5oils like poIlinarius, full OF bubbles,
and 1t gives you the hiccups to look
at 1t. and 1t flows every way at the
same time, and the wind comes from
the fourteen quarters at once, and
blows hot II you are too hot and want
cool breeze, and il you are too cold,
and want a warm breeze to keep you
alive. 1t comes right from the north
pole, and you just perish in your
tracks.
Gee. but 1t Is awful. When you get
seasick on an ordinary ocean, you
know where to locate the disease, and
you know where to go for relief. and
when you have got relieved you know
that you are alive. but an English
channel seastckness is as different
from any other az an alcohol jag is
different from champagne drunk.
This English channel seasickness be-
gins on your toes, and you feel as
though the toenails were being pulled
out with pincers, and the veins in
your legs seem to explode, your arms
wilt like lettuce in front of cheap
grocery, your head seems to be struck
with ptle-drtver and telescoped down
into your spine, and your stomach
feels as though you had swallowed a
telephone pole with all of the cross
arms and wires and glass insulators,
and you wish lightning would strike
you. Gosh, but dad was hot when
he found that he was sick that way.
and when we got ashore he wanted to
kill the first man he met.
He thinks that it Ia a crime for
q man not to understand the English
language, and when he tells what he
wants. and the man he La talking to
Rhrugs his shoulders and laughs. and
brings him something else, he wants
to pub his gun and begin to shoot
up the town. and only for me he would
have killed people before this. but now
he takes it out in scowling at people
who do not understand him. Dad
seems to think that If he cannot make
man understand what he says, all
he has to do is to swear at the. man
but there Is no universal language OF
profanity, 80 the more dad swears the
more the nervous Frenchman smiles
and acts polite.
think the French people are the
politest folks ever knew. If 9
Frenchman had to kick person out Of
doors, he would wear felt slipper
and after he had kicked you he would
place his haru on his heart, and bow
and look SO sorry. and hurt, that yor
would want to give him tip.
o, but this tipping business is wha
is breaking dads heart. think 1
the servants would arrange a syndi
cate to rob dad of two or three dol
, lars day, by pocket picking, or sneal
thieving, he would overlook 1t, ant
say that as long as 1t was one Of tn,
customs of the country we shoul,
has paid his bill. with everythin
charged extra, and the servants lin
up and look appealingly, or mad, a
: : the case may be, dad is the harde,
man to loosen that ever was, but
: they seem ro' look the other way, an
= not, apparently, care whether they q,
= a cent or not, dad would 60 and hur
them up. and divide his roll wit
them. Dad Is not what you woul
call tight wad," If you let hi,
a shed his money normally, when b
!, feels the loosening coming on, but 70
= try to work him by bowling and crins
ing, and his American spirit gets til
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