davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Pensacola journal. (Pensacola, Fla.) 1898-1985, 1905-10-31
HuMoR IN TEXT or CLERGY.
Amusing Remarks which Were Most
Seriously Intended.


Seriously Intended.
Part of the humor which one occa-
sionally meets with even in the sedate
Enclosure of the pulpits is due to the
aueer texts which are sometimes, often
unconsciously, chosen by preachers. No
doubt there are many stories told un-
der this head which owe their origin
not to actual fact so much as to the
invention OF the wag. For example,
a minister on the Sunday before his
marriage is said to lave chosen as his
text. And he went on his way rejOic-
ms" and on the Sunday after his hon
eymoon to have elo4uently discOursed
on the words "Rcmcmber my BONDS"
These instances are probably apoc-
ryphal, but the following are true and
have all come within the experience of
the writer. 1t was in tie north of
England that the first incident hap
pened. 1t was counuy church where
oil lamps We're used instead Of gas.
One night in the late summer when
the lamps had not yet been resumed
after the long days it got suddenly
overcast. and before the sermon 1t was
deemed necessary to light the pulpit
lamp. Daring the hymn tie old sex
ton repaired 70 The pulpit and, having.
cleaned the glass chimney wien a dusts
er. lit it up. but only foe',e light strug-
glcd through And then the clergyman
took his text which wcs this, And
now we see through "A glass darby"
A few years a.o a well known bish-
op married his second wife and, re-
turning homo after rs honeymoon, an
no1nced series Of sermons, the title
Of The ser'cs being "The poaitcnt's Re
turn" This was obviously uninten-
tional.
There is 3 church in enc Of our large
cities wLici boosts of very high pul-
pit. a short time ago Il strange preach
or. who was of y nervous temporal
ment. occupied this pulpit, but, as the
sequel viii show, only 70" a very short
time, for. having taken his text and
said about q dozen words. he startled
his congregation by saying AS am
not used 10 rulp.ts as hish as this, You
will pardon nc. I know. if come down
and preach NY sermon from the lee
tern" lie suited his action to the
words and preached very good ser
mon from the modest lecten. And
tbs was his strangely appropriate text
lie that exalteth hii2sclf shall be
abascd. aG lie that hum6leth himself
shall be exalted"
One more instance: Not many months
ago clergyman preached one Sun ny
evening from the text. My words snail
not pass away" Exactly a fortnight
later the same clergyman preached the
same sermon from the same text in
tie same church. to the wOnderment Of
practically the same congregation. Ev-
identity it was his determination that
at any rate lis words should not pass
away from the memory of his hearers.
Chicago Chronicle.
The Pensacola journal. (Pensacola, Fla.) 1898-1985, 1905-10-31
DECISION IN THE
NJ c UIRE
CASE
Telegram Received Yesterday from
". A. BIOunt, Who is in
Washington.

A decision BY the United States Su-
preme Court has been rendered in the
case Of Florida Mcclure VS.. the Pensa-
cola City Company. Tae decision is
in favor of the Pensacola City Com
pany.f
This news reached here yesterday
afternoon from w A. Blount, who wiz
ed ThOs. c. Watson & Co, as to the
decision in the famous case. Mr..
BlOunt has been in Washington for
several days. and argued the case FOR
the Pensacola City Company before
the court.
The case has been in the courts for
a number of years, and was appealed
from the decision Of the circuit court
OF appeals to the highest courS in the
land by those representing the Florida
Mcclure interests.
The Pensacola journal. (Pensacola, Fla.) 1898-1985, 1905-10-31

Did you ever venture any conjecture
as 10 how migratory birds manage ID
keep up their fight I'm due north di-
rection after night2 Il has been prov
ed that on clear nights they often
ewing their northern flight in the
rarefed atmosphere three miles above
the earth's surface. This being true,
II is clear that guidance by the topog-
raphy Of the country is out of the Ques-
ton. How. then. are they able 10 keep
their beals pointed towardtthe north
poIeg The scientific ornirlOloSiSt
comes &c the rescue with the declara-
ton that they are guided by the stars
and in support OF his opinion cites as
evidence the fact that when the stars
are obscured by clouds the birds be
come bewudered and at once seek she
ground
The Pensacola journal. (Pensacola, Fla.) 1898-1985, 1905-10-31
TERSELY TOLD.

II a Journal want ad. can't find the
Under, then it's really lost.
Mr.. and Mrs. Joe Roth and boy, who
have been in Chicago for the past two
months, visiting relatives, returned
home yesterday afternoon.
The West Hin Baptist church viii
resume sunday school services On
November 5, a. 10 a. m. All are cor
daily invited.
Prof. LOckhart, formerly OF the Arm
strong Classical school returned last
evening 10 assume MS new duties as
. MEMBER OF tae faculty 81 me nlgn
school
A. +. Peacock. bill clerk for Bass d
Co, who has been working al the com
psnys branch once IN Cmpley since
Lne QuaranWne was put on returned
70 Pensacola SUNDAY.
Jos. (. Kennedy, manager OF tn
Biloxi tOOtbalI team, 0esIres 10 cnal-
lenge any team IA l'ensaCOlas averas
ing l2o POUNDS. dis team Is now ln
framing, ana those anteresoeo can COZ
RESPOND With MN % ADDRESSING box
-.
A special from Washington 10 the
Montgomery A0FeruseT says. ar. A.
u. hershaW, OF PENSACOLA, VINO Was AZ
The thlckesL o. me nsnC against Ine
yellow never eploenlc IA une sual cl,s
ana was hlmseu lu, as 40 MaanlngJOA
Win has nanny on q visit "a Iecupel-
alton. 1ney are suopplns al lne ouath
more.
A ID. Weller. who. with his famL.
Lett the CITY some weeks ago, gone
10 Norm Car0lna, returned nOlne 81
Gay afternoon. lney spent some tln'
an Atlanta, aIJel7sa4 ds c0lnlng 70 blaa
Springs. where Mrs. Wiener ana cha
dren VII remain until aIJer IrOsL
L. 4. Hughey, local manager OF tne
Crescent News GO. returned 70 Ia,
city last night aIEer an absence 81
several weeks spent IA LOUISVILLE, la,
old hOme. Mr. hugney stayed al ul.
post until the fever BOZ hlm, ana aloel
he recovered the company srante1 n.ll
3 well meriued vacauOn. ne sand las
AAEAA AAAAAs az 90 e-etsA ~ 81 A-N-eaAA ~
pensacola again.
The members OF The Journals force
who were attacked by yellow never
have now nearly ali returned 10 work
Circulation Manager Sweet resumed
his duties last week ana PressmaU
W. II. Nealeans and Apprentice MmuC
BOgart returned 10 taeir work lasl
Night. Assistant StereOyper TOmel
Nealeans is not yet able 10 be out
but he is conYalescing nicely. The
boys are all glad TO be at work again
and The Journal is d0ubly glad "a
have them back once more. safe and
sound.
Alderman Sol Gains Kentucky
driving horse which he recently pun
chased there arrived last night and
the owner expects 10 drive the am
nal for the first time today. The
horse IS a fine one and attracted a
great deal OF attention as il was being
taken from the car TO the stable yes
terday- L also has the appearance ol
being pretty speedy, and the lovers OF
fine horse flesh in the city VIII not
be satisfied until they have a chance
10 see just what time Alderman
Gains new possession can make.
The Pensacola journal. (Pensacola, Fla.) 1898-1985, 1905-10-31

Secretary Seward was an Episcopa-
liam, and this story is told: On one OF
the occasions when President LincOln's
patience was tried by a self appointed
adviser, who got warm and used strong
language, Mr. Lincoln interrupted him
by saying, You are an Episcopalian,
aren't your" And when asked why be
thought so he said, You swear Just
like Steward. and he is" That was
Mr. Lincoln's way Of getting rid Of
such advisers.
The Pensacola journal. (Pensacola, Fla.) 1898-1985, 1905-10-31
HYOU ARE FRIENDS

Of mine, 4" writes Mrs. r. L. Jones, Of
Gallatin, Tenn:
For since taking Cardui have
gained 50 lbs, and am in better health
than for the past years. tell my
husband that Cardui is worth its
weight in gold to all suffering ladies'"
The Pensacola journal. (Pensacola, Fla.) 1898-1985, 1905-10-31

A London juryman tainted the other
DAY while the judge was charging the
body. The judge was saying. You
must give the statements on the Wit
eSSes for the defense FUN weight
= the words "fun weight the iury-
man tainted. Later It was found that
- was a coal dealer.
The Pensacola journal. (Pensacola, Fla.) 1898-1985, 1905-10-31
WRITE US A LETTER

freely and frankly, in strictest confid-
ence, telling US all your symptoms and
troubles. We viii send free advice
Tin plain sealed eavelope), how to
cure them. Address: Ladies' Advisory
Dept, The Chattanooga Medicine Co.,
Chattanooga, Tenn.
The Pensacola journal. (Pensacola, Fla.) 1898-1985, 1905-10-31

In these DAYS Of adulterated foods
ii is wen TO know the pure kinds. Blue
Ribbon Lemon and Vanilla Extracts
are made from ere natural fruit ana
are absolutely pure.
The Pensacola journal. (Pensacola, Fla.) 1898-1985, 1905-10-31

TO CURE A COLO M ONE DAY
Take LAXATIVE BROMO Quinine
Tablets. Druggists refund money If it
fails TO cure Z. W. GROVES sigma
fure is on each box. 25c.
The Pensacola journal. (Pensacola, Fla.) 1898-1985, 1905-10-31

Il: it is a pure. natural spring water
that comes right out OF the ground
through the rocks.
Il c UR E s indigestion, constipation,
kidney aud liuer diseases, nervous disorders,
alcoholism, etc.
Get a quart OF Concentrated Pluto
Water for IS cents. Il cures. We have
beartifuI descriptive booklet which tells
all about Pluto Water and French Lick;
we will send It 10 you for postal card.
FRENCH LICK SPRINGS HOTEL CO..
Thos. IsqOars, Pres. French Lick, Indiana.
The Pensacola journal. (Pensacola, Fla.) 1898-1985, 1905-10-31
Mayor of New York.
Virginia

Governor: Claude A. Swanson;
Lieutenant Governor. J. Taylor Ely
son; Attorney-General, Wnliam A. An
derson; Secretary of Commonwealth,
D. Q. Eggleston.
Republican: Governor, Lunsford L.
L. Lewis; Lieutenant Governor. Will
liam p. Kent; Attorney- neral George
A. Revercomb; secretary of Commons
wealth. " NJ SOwder.
Socialist: Governoc, GA}rge NJ
Norris; Lieutenant Governor, William
Gath; Secretary OF Commonwealth,
Max Boehm.
Socialist Laber: Governor Z. d.
Dowrey; Lieutenant GoFernor. Thos.
Hollins; Attorney-Genersl, Edward
schado.
The Pensacola journal. (Pensacola, Fla.) 1898-1985, 1905-10-31
PLU 7 0
WATER

from Fren ch Lick
Springs gets the credit.
There is nothing
mysterious about
Pluto Water; there
ISM any medicine in
The Pensacola journal. (Pensacola, Fla.) 1898-1985, 1905-10-31
School Will Open.

At a meeting Of the Advisory Board
Of the Pensacola Classical School, on
Oct. 80, it was decided to begin the
next (sixth) annual session of the
scnoOl on Monday, November 6.
H. CLAY ARMSTRONG,
Principal.
The Pensacola journal. (Pensacola, Fla.) 1898-1985, 1905-10-31
THE CLASSICAL
SCHOOL WILL
OPEN NOV. 6
Advisory Board Decides to Have
School Begin Next
Monday

It will be good news to the patrons
of the Pensacola Classical School to
learn that the institution will begin its
fall and winter term Monday, Nov. Q.
The following announcement by Prof.
: Arr,nstrnne is self-pxnlanat OrY:
The Pensacola journal. (Pensacola, Fla.) 1898-1985, 1905-10-31
SICKPEOPLE

who felt worse than you DO, feel all right
nov. much better than they ever did. and
The Pensacola journal. (Pensacola, Fla.) 1898-1985, 1905-10-31
Attorney-General, James

Frazier; AttOrney-General James
Mathews
Mayor of New York.
Democratic: George B. Mcclellan.
Republican: William NJ. Wins.
Municipal Ownership: William
Randolph Hearst.
Prohibition: John o. Crawford
Socialist AlgeTnOn Lee.
Socialist Labor: John j. Kinneaily.
Arizona silver belt., 1905-07-06
0HiCIQ| PQDeT Of Gi|Q County.
AS 1T SHOULD BE

y The glorious Fourth has been duly
celebrated in Globe on the largest scale
ever attempted. The crowd was the
biggest known and it was the quietest,
most orderly crowd of similar numbers
ever assembled in ella county to cele-
brate any event. There were no serious
accidents reported, very few arrests,
no disgraceful affrays, but noise to suit
the most strenuous of YoungAmerica S.
Everybody kept holiday and there We're
no "old people" in the city Every
body was young again and the elders
tried their best to keep pace with the
twentieth century kid. No violations of
the edict against the use of explosives
were noted and nobody thought of fire
except the water company whose reser-
voir was kept overlooking all day.
Arizona silver belt., 1905-07-06
V. w. Brookner, Treasurer,

June q, 1905.
Arizona silver belt., 1905-07-06

Brer Wallace and Brer Taft had a set
to the other day and now the Panama
canal has new chief engineer in the
person of John F. Stevens, former vice
president of the Chicogo & Rock Island.
1t looks as if Wallace would not consent
to wear the spectacles provided by the
administration, or to be jumping jack
for Taft to manipulate. AS he has a
new job at salary bigger than the
president s, Brer Wallace he Ii 10. 4"
Arizona silver belt., 1905-07-06

1t is small wonder that New Mexico
is more than willing to be joined to
Arizona in statehood 1t is morally GER
tain that this territory will lead the
country in copper production within a
few years, and the assessment rolls for
1905 will show approximately one hun
dred millions of taxable valuation. Any
body with head likes to stand in with
the winner and be near the front of the
procession and, of course, we are will
ing to credit our neighbor on the east
with good horse sense.
Arizona silver belt., 1905-07-06

Naco tried variation from the now
almost defunct bullfght program, in
its old bull ring, by substituting a fight
between a mountain lioness and a pack
of trained hunting dogs" Several
hundred people journeyed many miles
to see the slaughter and gave up their
hard coin of the realm. Evidently
neither lioness or dogs saw enough in
their share of the gate receipts to pay
for a scrap on such hot day and after
talking it all over decided to soldier
and the audience got the "hyena
smile ~
Arizona silver belt., 1905-07-06

Those old time gladiators, Harvard
and Yale, have had their annual strug-
gle with the oars and the closest fight
ever was witnessed in the senior eight
oar race. Yale won by about three
quarters of length though Harvard
gained three lenths and was coming
strong. 1t was a defeat to make the
Harvard rooters outshout the victorious
Yale celebrants.
Arizona silver belt., 1905-07-06

In the death of John Hay Americans
must recognize the loss of the greatest
diplomat of the day. He was the pres
ident's right hand and the nation can
only hope that a capable man may be
selected to succeed him in office. The
poet, author and statesman has added
as much luster to the American name
abroad as any man who ever occupied
the position of secretary of state.
Arizona silver belt., 1905-07-06


w. w. Brookner, Treasurer,
ella County, Globe, Ariz.
Dear Sir: For the $40, 900, per cent
court house bonds Of ella county, Ari-
IONA, to be sold July 3, as described in
the statement sent us, said bonds, to-
gether with such copies of proceedings
and certificates, as are necessary to
evidence their legality, to be delivered
to us at the First National Bank, Chi
cago, we will pay forty thousand four
hundred and twelve $40, 412), dollars,
and we will supply the county with
handsomely Autographed blank bonds,
ready for execution, free Of charge.
Yours very truly,
c. H. COFFIN.
Arizona silver belt., 1905-07-06

And now comes a report that staid
and conservative Sweden will war on
Norway on account of her recent rebel
lion against the crown "There shall
be wars and rumors of wars. " One
great sanguinary conflict nearing con-
clusion and another follows close at its
heels. There is one consolation: Scan
dinavian names are easier on the type
setter than Russian nomenclature.
Arizona silver belt., 1905-07-06
Chicago, H., June &c, 1905,

OTIIVdEV' III, VuIIo -OJ IVVJ'
Mr.. w. W. Brookner, Treasurer,
Globe, ella County, Ariz.
Dear Sir: For your $40, 900 of 1920
year court house bonds, interest pay
able annually, bonds dated June LIST,
1905, subject to population not being
less than 10000 people and subject to
legality, legality to be approved by my
attorney, you to furnish all papers,
hereby bid you par less 2 per cent for
expenses, purchasers discount, etc.
Please advise.
Yours very truly,
j. M. HOLMES.
Arizona silver belt., 1905-07-06

Looks very much as if the Russian
sailor thinks that the remnants of the
navy belong to him for back pay. At
all events he-Or several of him are
cruising about the Black sea at will
while other ships of the squadron are
looking for them almost as hard as Ro-
jestvensky's fleet did for Togo.
Arizona silver belt., 1905-07-06

The Chinese now know the value of
the "big stick. 1t is labeled boy
colt " and had the effect of making
Uncle Sans hired men take off their
hats to the wandering merchant Z"
from the Orient. The great American
dollar is ever greater than national
pride in this strenuous twentieth cen
tiIru
Arizona silver belt., 1905-07-06

The free zone, always until now a
discrimination against the American
merchant on the Mexican border, has
been abolished and it is said that many
Mexican merchants in the fifteen mile
strip will be obliged to go out of bust
ness, being unable to compete with the
American unless protected by the reduc-
ed tariff
Arizona silver belt., 1905-07-06

ARE IN SESSION
Cash in Treasury Counted and
Found to Be Correct Bal
ance Is Large
BONDED DEBT VERY SMALL
Court House Bonds Sold to First Ma
tiona Bank Of Globe at Premium
of Two Per Cent-Plans for New
Court House Building Considered
GLOBE, Ariz., July /, 1905.

GLOBE, Ariz., July I, 1905.
The board of supervisors of ella
county, Arizona territory, met in regu-
lar session as board of equalization,
pursuant to requirement of law, at 10
o'clock a. M There were present d.
Devore, chairman; w. H. Butler, mem
Der, w. d. Fisk, clerk. Absent, w.
c. Colcord
The board proceeded to equalize the
from the original assess
ment roll for the year 1905.
Arizona silver belt., 1905-07-06
Globe. Ariz ,Iulv & 1908

NIIVUVf 4NIINsI VWIy % I"Vu'-
Pursuant to adjournment the board
convened as a board of supervisors at
8 O'Clock a. m. There We're present d.
Devore, chairman; w. H. Butler and
w. c. Colcord, members; and w. d.
Fisk, clerk.
The minutes of preceding meetings
We're read, and, upon motion, approved.
The board then proceeded to count the
money ON hand i'm the treasurer's office
Arizona silver belt., 1905-07-06

made subject to prompt acceptance.
Kindly send me list of bids and bidders
at the sale, and oblige,
Yours truly,
S. A. KEAN,
Arizona silver belt., 1905-07-06
Globe, Arizona, July 3, 1905.

Globe, Arizona, July 3, 1905.
Hon. Board of Supervisors,
Globe, Arizona.
Gentlemen: In compliance with your
advertisement calling for bids for forty
thousand dollars bonds for the building
of court house and Jail, we herewith
submit our bid for the forty thousand
dollars in one thousand dollar bonds for
one hundred and one and three-quart-
ers Q0l 3-4.
Respectfully submitted,
OLD DOMINION COMMERCIAL Co.,
BY Geo. w. P. Hunt, President.
Globe, Arizona, June %, 1905.
Hon. w. w. Brookner,
Treasurer ella County,
Globe, Ariz.
Sir: We beg to submit to you, this our
offer of Sl.02 for the entire issue of
$40, 600 ella county court house and Jail
bonds.
Very respectfully,
FIRST NATIONAL BANK OF GLOBE,
S. F. Sullenberger, Cashier.
The Yakima herald. [volume] (North Yakima, W.T. [Wash.]) 1889-1914, 1905-01-25

We can understand something Of the
significance of the quotation. Uneasy
lies the head that weats a crown"
since learning that the Prince of Wales
has nineteen pianos.-Montgomery
Advertiser.
An English Judge has officially de-
cided that a school teacher is not
gentleman. At least IS per cent of
those In this part Of the world are not,
they being women-Richmond Times.
Dispatch.
When a jury divides evenly in opin-
ion. after hearing the same testimony
from the same people, it IS small won.
der that there are such radical differ.
ences in political Observation-Disclosures
Evening Star.
The Yakima herald. [volume] (North Yakima, W.T. [Wash.]) 1889-1914, 1905-01-25

Those cOwarlly sOphomOres thinh
that young Gould acted In cowartlly
manner in shooting at them when
they came to haze him. The towards
idea of cowardice is always extremely
funny-Memphis Commercial Appel.
A university graduate has been
made president Of the Western Mary
land Railroad Company. This is a
pleasing exception to the monoton0us
case OF the brakeman who worked
his way up" etc.--Mncon tGa.) Tele-
graph.
They don't have any of this sopho-
more and freshman foolshness ut the
University Of virginia. The students
there are not disposed to make mon
keys OF themselves. The lave plenty
OF fun. but they treat each other as
OBSERVATION-DISCLOSURES Landmark.
The accomplices Of the notorious
Mayor Ames, Of Minneapolis. 20
free because they testified against him.
Ames goes free because nobody be-
lieved their testimony. Thus we see
how all things work together for the
general goOd.-San Francisco Exam
The Yakima herald. [volume] (North Yakima, W.T. [Wash.]) 1889-1914, 1905-01-25

Are you u fatalist do you be-
lleve what IL to be will beT well.
yes, to q certain extent. l believe, for
instance, when draw my salary that
the coal trust and the meat trust and
the grocer and the mllkman. and the
rest Of the people who make It their
business to get my money away from
me. are going to do it just as surely AZ
the sun IL sure to rise tomorrow morn.
Chicago Record-Herald.
A farmer and his wife called at a
photograph gallery to order some pho.
tographs of her. and while the oper-
ator was getting ready. the husband
gave the wife little advice as to how
she must act. "Fasten your mind on
something" said he, "or else your
laugh, and Spite the job. Think about
early days; how your father got in
Jail. and your mother was an old scold.
er. and what you'd have been II
hadn't pitied you. Jest fasten your
mind on to that! She didn't have any
photographs taken.
The Yakima herald. [volume] (North Yakima, W.T. [Wash.]) 1889-1914, 1905-01-25
TELLS OF MEXICAN GOATS.
Consular Agent Gives Facts About the
Profits Of the Industry.

Consular Agent Gives Facts About the
Profits of the Industry.
Consular Agent Headen writes from
Puebla, Mex, as follows:
1.-The ordinary domestic goat, so
we'll known In the United States, Is
the species raised throughout Mexico.
1t Is valued for its pelt, its tallow. and
its flesh, both fresh and dried. As
yet no use has been made OF either
horns or hoofs. In the vicinity of
San Luis Potosi the entrails have been
spun into long strings Of so-called
catgut, and the finer and more delicate
strings have been probably exported
by mail. In small parcels, to Chicago
and New York.
1.-THE Angora breed Ia not appreclat-
ed in Mexico, though 1t finds favor in
western Texas. near the Mexican bor-
der. II of pure blood and II neglected
during the season for pulling II Is apt
to leave its hair scattered upon the
scrub and brush. Furthermore. wheth.
er pure or crossed. 1t Is more Of q
sheep than a goat. Its skin beipg less
than one-fourth as valuable as ordi'
nary goatskins. This destroys the
value Of the Angora In Mexico.
1.-THE ordinary goat. when slaught-
cred. yields four pounds OF dried meat
and six pounds OF refined tallow.
which. together with the skin. are
worth here In the home market. in
Mexican silver. &3.48 ($1.57 in gold,--
four pounds Of dried meat, at % cents.
81 cents; the six pounds Of refined tai.
low, at 10 cents, o. cents; the cured
skin, two pounds, at IS cents. $40.
The original cost Of goats for breed
ing purposes IL. on an average. $3.50
q head in Mexican silver S1.10 In gold.
The common goat. well cared for. is
hardy and well suited to the country.
1t breeds four times In three years."