davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Evening journal., 1905-02-01
D. g A. Phone I758A.
Delmarvia Telephone Io5.
ID. b. MARTIN. c. w. BAsSATT,
NJ. OF p. I. @. p. A..
PhiIa. and Reading Ry.
Wilmington dlvision.l

Timetable In effect Nov ~, 1904.
Trains leave Wilmington. tKing street
station), for Elsmere Junction, Mont
chanin, Winterthur, Guyencourt, Gran
epue. Coasart, Chadd's Ford Junction.
Pocopson. West Chester, EmbreeviIle'
Mortonviiie, Coatesville and Intermediate
stasious, daily. except Sunday, at 7.saa
M, daily Lao and 4.5o p. n. Sunday
only 8. Toa. m, ?. 40, 4.5o p. m,
For Sup ee, Eiverson and intermediates
stations, daily. except Sunday, at 7.3a a.
m, daily, 2. 20 and 4.5o p. m Sunday
only 8. 10 a. m, 20, a. so P, m.
Tor Joanna, Birdsboro, Reading and
intermediate stations, daily. except Sun
dav at 7.3a a. m and q. 20 p. m Sunday
only at s. 10 a. m and 2. 20 p. m.
ATLANTIC CITY r. r. From chestnu,
ST. Ferry. For South st. see timetables
at stations.
weekdays. Atlantic City. 7.so a. m. I.ci,
900 a. m. EXP. 1880 a. m. EXP. 200 D. m.
EXP. 400 D. m. EXP. 80 minutes: 500 D,
m. Exp. 500 D. m. Lei. tbs D. m. Exp.
weekday. capo May and Ocean city
$50 a. m, t.l5 p. m.
Sundays. Atlantic City. 500 a. m. Lei
900 a. m. Exp. 1000 a. m. EXP. 6.oo n
m. Lei. 7.15 p. m. EXP.
Sunday, 'aoe May and Ocean City. 4. 4
T.. m.
Sea Isle. 7.s0 a. m. yfEx.
Detailed timetables at ticket ofncsa
18th and Chestnut sts., sSt Chestnut St.,
1905 Chestnut st.. 900 South Sd St.. So6
Market st. and at Stations.
Union Transfer Company wiz can 70,
and check baggage from hotels ana resi-
dences.
A. T. DICE. EDISON ]. WEEKS.
oenl supt. oenl Paarr Agu.
Evening journal., 1905-02-01
KENNETH SQUARE ROAD.

WEST CHESTER. KENNETr AND
WILMINGTON ELECTRIC RAILWAY
Car leaves Brandywine Springs at 7.oe
a. m. for Hockessln. arriving at IN.
Yorklyn. 7.ss; Ksnnett Square. 500; rourh
kenamon. SO; thereafter every hour nnt,,
II 90 p. m. Saturdays and sundays onIv
last car leaves at 1900 midnight.
Car leaves Toughkenamon at 60 a. m
for Kennett Square. arriving az az.
Yorklyn, III; Hockessin. 7.ss; Bran.sv-
wine Springs. 500; thereafter every hour
til lo.B D. m. saturdeVs and sundav-
only, last car leaves Toughkenamon a.
1915 D. m.
Passengers leaving Sixth and Market
streets. Wilmington, at a quarter pase
the hour can make connections with cars
for Toughkenamon at Brandywina
Springs. tE-7r ts.tt an
Evening journal., 1905-02-01
How to MIKE Orange Mint CUP.

Orange mint cup is n delicious and
refreshing dessert for n convalescent
Miss Farmer. an authority on invalid
cooking. prepares the cup by removing
the pulp from a sour orange, sprinkling
II with quarters Of n tablespoon.
ful Of powdered sugar, a tablespoon
ful OF chopped mint and one teaspoon
ful each Of lemon juice and sherry
wine Place the fruit in a champagne
glass. chill thoroughly and serve, Will
a sprig of mint stuck in the top.
Evening journal., 1905-02-01
How 20 usow a Miniature Foreat.

How 20 Gsovv a Miniature Forest.
1t is quite possible for any one to
own a forest Of miniature oaks, which
may be grown even without the aid OF
goll. In order to rear miniature for
est, procure a shallow dish and cover
the base OF 1t with moss an inch thick.
Then set a number of good acorns in
rows about two inches apart. and a
perfect little forest Of oak trees can be
raised. The moss must always be kept
very moist, and the acorns will begin
10 grow in the spring. BY June or July
they will have raised themselves six to
eight inches high and will form a
alarming sight for any lover OF trees.
Evening journal., 1905-02-01
Norfolk & Western Ry
schedule IN effect December 3, 1904.

Schedule IN effect December 3. 1904
leave Wilmington. Penna. r. r. sta
tion;
40 a. m. daily-An points on Norfolk
and western; also Knoxville. Chatta-
nooga and Memphis.
ass D. m. dally-washington and Chatta-
nooga Limited-R Roanoke. Bristol. Wins
ton. Salem. Knoxville. Chattanooga.
Nashville. Memphis. New Orleans.
Through sieepers, cafe GERS.
For Norfolk via Washington and Rich
mond. 1855 a. M. daily. 7.15 a. m. daily.
p IS D. m. daily. Arrive Norfolk n2O a.
m. $50 p. m. 1910 r. m.
via Philadeiphia-PenDsyl r. r. ana
Cumberland Valley r. R.-shsnandoah
valley Route.
Trains ieave Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
r. R. Station:
s.2s D. m. daily-shenandoah special for
Luray. Elkton, Basic. Buena Vista. Nat
ural Bridge. Roanoke. Il. Radford, Win
ston-salenn, Biueneid. Weioh and Gary.
Pullman buffet sleeper between Phila.
delptia. Weich and Gary.
i1.4o p. m. daily~Express. For Itrav
Natural Bridge. Buena Vista. Roanoke
Radford. wythsvtlle. Abingdon. Bristol,
Morristown. Knoxville, CHATTANOOGA and
Memphis. Pullman sleeper between
philadelphia and Knoxville.
Via Baltimore and Ohio r. r.
From 3. & o. statfan III D. m. aatiy
For Berryvilie, Luray, Shenandoah and
intermediate points.
+. J.. LOCKWOOD, Passenger Agent
18th street ah1 New York Ave-, Bond
Bldg.. Washingto7. A.. G.
W. 3. BEVILL. q. p. A.. Roanoke, Va.
transportation. Pullman accommoda-
tions Zone berth). and meals en- route
IN both directions while travelling on
the special train. win be sold at the
following rates: New York. $50; Tren-
| ton, $40; Philadelphia. Harrisburg. Bal
/ timore and Washington. s4S; Pittsburg,
500; and at prOportionate rates from
other points.
Similar tours will be run February
Il and %.
For tickets. itineraries. and other in
formation, apply 10 ticket agents, OF
10 George w. Boyd, general passenger
agent, Broad Street station, Phladel-
] phia.
Evening journal., 1905-02-01
The Hend Of the FamiIy.

ut has come to my ears that you are
calling me the governor said the
old man sternly. Are your"
II might as well admit It," said the
young man contritely.
you ought" continued the old gen.
tieman, "you ought to have more re-
spect for your mother. er."-Cincinnan En-
nuirer.
Evening journal., 1905-02-01
InternnIlr Al Rirht.

A country sexton in England Off
ciated at a funeral clad in a red waist
coat At the conclusion OF the obse-
quies the vicar gently demonstrated
with the old gravedigger, saying: Rob
ert, you should not wear a red waist
coat at a funeral. You hurt the feel
tngs Of the mourners." Robert replied,
placing his hand on his breast, "Well,
what does it matter, sir, so long as the
heart is blackY
Evening journal., 1905-02-01
How to Glaze Collars.

To glaze collars and cuffs you need
a proper polishing iron. one with a
rounded surface faced with STEEL Iron
each collar till quite dry, lay on a
board covered with one thickness Of
calico only, rub quickly over with a
clean rag squeezed out Of cold water
and iron with your polishing iron,
pressing hard The iron should be
moderately warm.
Evening journal., 1905-02-01
- BALnIMORE& Ono
RAAROAD.
Schedule In effect November q. 1so4.
All trainS illuminated with Pintsc

Schedule In effect November n 1904.
ii, All trains illuminated with Pintsch
S.)Express Trains.
Trains leave Wilmington. Delawara
NEW YORK, week days. .5.2s 80.
-ll.l9 a. m; sl26. s330. '517 CROyal Limit
sed)s D. 'I.i2. 'iloo ?; m; sundays, '5.2s. 80.
'742. sl10O D. M.
PHILADEIPIiIA. week days. .52e $50.
.issc ~ .iss Gs sss .stS .sS leSs .tss s si Y Rogsi val
days. 500 20 ssl. $40, io.is. II. .ss a: m;
~ l;Sg, ,SlI Okoyal Limited, 100 Ia
Chester, v Week days, sso .sW 72o. 's.gs.
y .s'49 iosd q: m; 1910. .i.2e. S.o5. ~ ss2
~, 1913, sl1.00 p. m. Sundays, q 20 80
40 lots. 'iiS a. m; Aso. 7.O5. '742. S5z
Atlantic City. week days. $40 and $40
L5mlted(; Sundays. TO a; m. s5S0 p. m:
o. eSIaane May and Ocean City, week days.
'o.4o A. M; '1.2s .. m.
Baltimore and Washington, week days,
.4l3' .sl6. s110s a. m; s1.O6. s2.1, s4H.
.o.b5, $3.50 (Royel Limited). 300. 1908 p
Az. $50 'Rjcysi IimltedS. lin & sa.ss' 'ioos
baltimore and way stations. week days:
az m m sn p. IA. sundays $40 a. ms
Newark, week days. .41s, 100. AIS. .ii:Cs
Sundays, .413. 'sI6 SIG a. m: '1.os. e.o2.
300 li.30 p. m.
/ clnserly accommodation, week days
/ 100 "a. m; 1912. az. 6.1s p. m. Sundays.
, SIG a. M; 6.02. u.30 p. m.
landenberg accommodation. week days.
g'ss a. m; bbl p. m. Sundays. lob a. m.'
| i.2l p. m.
Pittsburg weel, days. .s1s a. m; sB1.
$50 Qioyal Limited. si003 p. m, sun
days. .S;l6 a. m. 't47. '650 CRoyal Limit
Chicago. daily. ssis a. m: .2.47 D. m.
| Cincinnati and ST. Louis. s8l6 A. m;
LEAVE Puff kD1A PH1A for Whining
ton. week days. ass, 700 $40; $50
q 20, .530. h.55, '6ls (Royal Limited. $50
.l.so. 9.10 a. M: si2.S0. s214. 2lb. sfis 500.
eelS tRoyal Limitod). 6S0. 's.sS. $3.50, 1880
Royal Limited" is composed exclusive
~ OF Pullman parlor. Observation ane
| Dining Cars. No extra fare except regu-
lar Pullman charge
| DELAWARE AVENUE STATION.
Delmarvia Telephone No. 1a3 A.
/ ~. 4 A. Telephone No. 1922 A.
Rates 20 Western points lower than
via any other line. $500 20 Plttsburg. i0.0l
p. m. train daily. Through sleepers.
IT. A. MILLER,
Travelling Passenger Agent.
city Ticket once. No. so4 Market Street
Wilmington. Del
D. g A. Phone I758A.
Delmarvia Telephone Io5.
ID. B. MARTIN, c. w. BAssATT,
NJ. OF p. 7. G. P. A.
Evening journal., 1905-02-01
How to Glenn SIX Gloves.

To clean silk and thread gloves put
them on the hands and wash them in
borax water or il very much soiled
with white CASTLE soap. Rinse by
pouring water over the hands and dr..
with a towel. Keep the gloves on til
hands until nearly dry, then take of
fold carefully and lay between clear
cloths under a weight.
Evening journal., 1905-02-01
A wonderful niachine.

A lace mending machine is one Of
those inventions that seem TO be al
most human. 1t repairs the rent in a
piece Of lace by gathering up the
stitches with a needle that jumps from
side to side with positive intelligence.
Evening journal., 1905-02-01
low TO cIean n oIocIr.

To clean a clock lay a rag we'll sat
urated with kerosene oil in the bottom
OF it. The fumes will loosen the dirt,
and It will drop out After n few days
this should be removed and another
saturated rag placed IN the clock, the
fumes Of which will lubricate the
works
Evening journal., 1905-02-01
A Little Mixed.

Bessie. inspecting a new arrangement
Of Nannies hair. exclaimed; Mamie.
you don't look like yourself with your
hair that way. But (admiringly) you
look better when you don't look like
yourself than when you do."-Lippin-
cOtt's.
Evening journal., 1905-02-01
Suicide
What Drives so Many
People to This Dark
Path, and Why.

II a man-before taking a step made
possible only by brooding and despair
would consider that his feeling OF dark
ness is only a question Of nerves-he
would be saved.
For. the depression leading to self de-
struction is truly a disease Of the nerves.
This nerve depression or melancholy
IS often accompanied or preceded by
severe or constant Headache. Dizziness.
Dullness. Loss Of Memory. Sleeplessness.
Muscular Twitchings. Nervous Prostra-
tion, spasms. Brain Fag. and other
signs Of serious nerve trouble.
The cure is DIT. Niles Nervine.
1t is a nerve medicine for weak nerves
and can be depended upon to make you
well.
No matter what form Of nerve trouble
you may be suffering from. you can de-
pend on DR.. Niles Nervino-
It viii do what no other medicine or
treatment may be able to do for you
save you from that black hour Of brood
ing, which so many OF US dread.
II had several attacks Of nervous
spasms. and for a long time could get
no relief. saw DR.. Miles Nervine
advertised and bought a bottle. After
ter, and when / had taken six bottles
was entirely cured. I have never been
troubled since. MRS. w. A. BIRD,
Stillmore, Ca.
The first bottle is guaranteed to benefit
yoag or druggist will refund your money.
FPEE Write US and we win mail
1OIlG you a Free Trial Package OF
Or. Miles, Antl-Paln Pills, the New,
Scientific Remedy for Pain. Also Symp-
tom Blank for our SpecialiSt to diagnose
your case and tell you what is wrong
and how to right II. Absolutely Free.
Address; DIR. MILES MEDICAL Co,
Evening journal., 1905-02-01
TRAINS LEAVE BROAD STREET STA,
TION. PHILADELPHIA.
FOR THE WEST AND NORTH.
fonN

TRAINS LEAVE BROAD STREET STA
TIoN. PHILADELPHIA.
FOR THE WEST AND NORTH.
September 13, 1904.
$40 n. m, Pittsburg Express.
'l0.25 a. m. Chicago Special
l1.40 a. m, Main Line Express.
'1z..0 p. m. st. Louis Limited.
sl2.s0 D. m. The Pennsylvania Limited.
40 p. M, Chicago and st. Louis EXP.
7.O3 p. m, Chicago Limited from North
Philadelphia
S25 D. m, ST. Louis Express.
$50 p. m, Western Express.
'i1.05 p. m, Cleveland ana Cincinnati Exp.
11.i0 p. m. Pacific Express.
'l2OI a. m. Pittsburg special. from North
Philadelphia.
as a. m. for Lock Haven.
$50 a. m. weekdays. for Kane and FL
mira.
llD a. m. weekdays. for Elmira and
Remove.
1s0 p. m. Sundays for wnliamsport.
$50 p. m. weekdays for Wiltiamsport
$50 p. m, daily for Elmira. Erie and oil
City.
11.to p. m. daily for Elmira and Erie.
Cumberland Valley r. r., as, $40. 11R
a. m. $50, s.25 and n.40 D. m. week-daya
Sundays, as a. m, SIS and Lao D. m.
FOR BUFFALO.
$50 a. m. and S25 p. m. daily.
Via Canandaigua, $50 a. m. week-days
$50 p. m. except Saturday. and 1L4O D
m. daily.
(9Dining Car
| % Accommodation Trains.
% Limited Express. Vostibule ParIoI
Cars, Vestibule Passenger Coaches AID
| Dining Car. No extra fare.
Tue Wilmington Transfer Company will
can for and check baggage from hotels
/ and residences.
For further Information, passengers are
referred to the ticket agent at the station.
/ w. W. ATTERBURY. J. r. WOOD,
Genei al Manager. Pass. Tran. Mgr.
GEO. w. BOYD.
General Passenger Agent.
Evening journal., 1905-02-01
Cynical.

Witness--Do you mean to insinuate
that l am not speaking the truth2
Lawyer-Oh, no! You are simply max
ing business statement.-Pearson's
Weekly.
Evening journal., 1905-02-01
MistnI,en IihernIitr-

Believing that a batch of genuine five
pound notes which ne had picked up in
the street were limitations issued for
advertising purposes, an Ilford ENG
land) lad gave them away right and
left.
Evening journal., 1905-02-01
MnshInrtons.

There are more counties in the Unit
ed States named for Washington than
for any other man. The capital, a state
and two cities exceeding 10000 in pop
ulation also bear his name.
Evening journal., 1905-02-01
wbeeIIpr nnd waIIsing.

In walking a. mile man averages
2,263 steps. but when he rides a bicy-
Gle Of average gear he covers a mile
with an equivalent of only 627 steps.
Evening journal., 1905-02-01
HOW 40 rre,ben the nIouth

Two drops OF camphor on your tooth
brush Will give your mouth the fresh
est. cleanest feeling imaginable, will
make your gums rosy and absolutely
prevent anything Ike cold sores or az.
fectiOns Of your tongue.
Evening journal., 1905-02-01
For the south.

TUT Auo OouhUs
Atlantic Coast Line.-Express 12.s5 p.
M. and 1855 night. daily. New York and
Florida Special, Sis p. m. weekdays.
Southern Railway.-ExpresB A20 a m.
1853, 6S and 7.Si p. m. daily. The South
ern's Palm Limited. 4.A .. M, weekdays.
Seaboard Air Line Railway Express
40 a. m. daily. seaboard Florida Limited.
3.a2 y. M. daily.
Norfolk and Western Railway.-FoI
Memphis and New Orleans. 6sS p. m,
daily.
Chesapeake & Ohio Railway
n-ol a. m. weekdays. Sis p. m. daily.
Evening journal., 1905-02-01
Not on Home Bin Of Fare.

Not on Home Bill OF Fare.
Little Harry-I'm hungry; l didn't
get half enough dinner. Little Elsie
What did you have for dinner7 Little
Harry Company. Chicago News.
Evening journal., 1905-02-01
DELAWARE niulainn.

For New Castle, 72S. SIS a. m. 500. Sf4,
and 662 D. m. weekdays.
For Lewes, SIS a. m, and gtl D. m.
weekdays.
For Rehoboth, 8.2S a. m. Tuesdays.
Thursdays and Saturdays.
For Dover. Harrington and Delmar, S.2s.
l0bs a. M, 3.44 652 p. m. weekdays. and
u.50 p. m. daily
For Harrington ana way stations, 7.2S
a m. and 400 p. m. week k-days.
Express for Cape Charles, Old Point
Comfort and Norfolk. 1858 a. m. week.
days and 1l.50 p. m. daily.
For Atlantic City.
Connecting at West Philadelphia, $50 a.
m, 25S and 61s p. m. weekdays; 8I4 a.
m. and 6.iS D. m. Sundays.
Evening journal., 1905-02-01
STEAMBOATS,.

VIII leave Wilmington, Fourth street
wharf. weekdays, SIS a. m. Sundays.
500 a. m. and 100 p. m. Leave Philadel-
phia, Pa, Pier N. above Arch street,
weekdays. 400 p. m. Sundays. 1880 a. m.
and 400 p. m.
FARE, 15e; EXCURSION, 25e.
Freight promptly and carefully handled,
delivered and securely protected from
weather on express time az low freight
rates. shipments OF merchandise from one
TO Is pounds reoeipted for at our wharf
in Philadelphia will be delivered to store
or residence in Wilmington. Del. for
twenty cents.
Evening journal., 1905-02-01
Pennsylvania Railroad.
PHILADELPHIA, BALTIMORE
AND WASHINGTON DIV.
sohedule In eiIeet January 3. lgO6.


Trains leave Wilmington as follows:
For Chester and Philadelphia. 14S. 40
1910 $50. !7O5. 742. $50. 1901, $50. 1900
o.aO. lO09. 1850. Ills ll.s2. las a. M. ll2a0
LSo. 1886. 25S. 400. 45l. 1926. 6O7. 1885.
6.b5, 9.1s, 1000 and iLOO p. m. weekdays.
LAB, 4.2o. no, 1914. 1900, 1886. las q. M,
i27. LS7. l2.O5. 25S. 400. asa l5.25. 6.O7
1871. 9.1S 1000 and ll1.0O d. m. Sundays.
For Philadelphia only. aSg. aS5 a. m,
2l2.20, 500, 6.1S. III and 800 p. m. week.
days. S59 a. m, 6.lS. III and 500 p. m.
Sundays.
For New York Through express). LAB,
SS9 9.S5. n.i5 a. M, '21229. 'l.s7. alO 6O7.
'Y6.ls, '62S I'll, 9,23 p. m. week k-days,
L4S o.aa, 'li.45 a. m; 'l-37. 25s, 6.07. 'i6.23,
III and s23 p. m. Sundays.
For New York connecting at Philadel-
phial, 40, ESQ. nos Connects at West
Philadelphia), $50. s.G7 connects at West
Philadelphia). $50 9.s5. 1909. 1850, iL1'
Connects at West PHILADELPHIA, li2.4O a.
m, 25S 45i sos. 6iS and 1i.OO connects
az West Philadelphia) weck-days 40
.l.fo h.A a. m. f5i. 6.ls and l1l.0O (con-
meets at West Philadelphia =. m. Sun
days
For Boston without change. 1000 a. m,
and 500 p. m. weekdays, 500 p. m. sun
days
For Newark Center and intermedlat,
stations. 9.B a. m. and 6.i2 p. m. week
days
Baltimore ana washington. 1856, 40
I'lb. 500. 80. mO14 1i.02 and sii.4S a. m.
'i2.ee. 'n.1l, '2O5, 359. 525 COS, '6Ss
N.O0, '7.3l, 's.l5 p. m. and 1918 night. weei
days. i255, 40. IT'S. 500. n0l4 n.is a
m. '12s5. '2O5. S59. SIS. COS. s6SS
'7.si. SIS p. m, and l12.1S nights. Sundays
Baltimore and intermediate stations
l256. A4a, 1918 p. m. weekdays, 1914 a
m. and 1918 p. m. Sundays.
Leave Philadelphia. Broad Street sta
ton for Wilmington, $50. 6.s5. TO. 7.4o
!I.iS. SO, 1905. 1016 1870. lOSs. li.06 a
m, 12.Si, l.25. n.2s 2.O5. 900. $780, S.25
t0i. NOi Ai6. M49. sol. SIS 1884. 5.5s
1921. I40. 1888, 93. HOOP. 1i.O5. 1L2S. ii1.5
p. m, and 1909 night weekdays. 6S5, 7.2o
S.a, 1905. l0.s5, 1.O6 a. M. 1929. i.25
l2.26, $40. 4a6. SOC. SIS. 1913. 7.4O, SIS. 1855
HOP. n.o5, lll.2s p. m. and l2c9 nigh
Sundays
From West Philadelphia. 3s5 and IFS
a. m, 255 and SIS p. m. weekdays: sS
and iib5 a. m. 255 and 5.55 .. N. Sun
days.
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1905-03-14
Painful Slip of the Tongue,

Irving Parke's weakness was in un-
fortunate utterances, which, while vel
intended, were often misunderstood
and they greatly perturbed the MIND
of Mrs. Parke. The subject was the
topic Of frequent curtain lectures, and
Mr.. Parke as frequently promised tc
be more careful.
"The Joneses are coming over to.
night" said Mrs. Parke, land I hope
you will think before you speak and
avoid offending them by some slip oi
the tongue"
OF course, Mr.. Parke promised and
when the Joneses arrived he was In as
gracious a mood as any guest could
demand.
"Oh, did you ever see such a beau
tiful EVENING"" chirruped Mrs. Jones
as she came tripping into the hall.
Yes" answered the jovial Parkei
ut Is too beautiful to stay indoors"
Now, Mr.. Parke. Mrs. Jones viii
think you do not want her to come
over" said Mrs. Parke with look Al
her husband which heralded storm.
"Oh, my, no." responded the eau
tious Parke. 81 only meant that Il
they hadn't come we might"
you don't know what you meant,
interrupted Mrs. Parke, coming to thu
rescue. why don't you take Mr.
Joness coat?"
Mr. Parke took the proffered gar
ment, but instead Of hanging 1t or
the hall tree he unconsciously open
ed it out and held it as If he had beer
invited to assist the owner to don 1t
and Mrs. Parke collapsed. The Jonese!
cut their call short.
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1905-03-14

WHAT HE ASKED FoR.-"I say
Mahlsticque. old fellow" cried Daubcr
bursting into the studio where his
brother artist was at work, says an
exchange, Il suppose you don't happen
to have a fiver that's no use to you?"
"I won't say that haven't, old boy
replied Mahlsticque, cheerfully. Lets
have look" He unlocked a drawer
rummaged in 1t for a moment, and
then produced a crisp e5 note.
Here you are, my son." he said
handing 1t to the delighted Dauber
Take 1t with my blessing and don't
spend II in dissipation"
Exit Dauber bristling with thanks
Twenty minutes later he re-entered
bristling with profanity. Here. I say
you all sorts Of bad words rascal" he
shouted, that fiver's bad!"
II know it is" replied Mahlisticque
calmly.
Know it Isl" bawled the infuriat-
ed borrower" then what the deuce did
you lend 1t to me for?"
STEADY, lad, steady" said the other
soothingly; don't get excited. You
asked me if I'd got a flyer that was
no use to me, and gave you one.
can assure that it's absolutely no use
to me whatever. You're welcome to
But Dauber was gone.
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1905-03-14

NOT IN HIS LINE.-The sexton Of q
certain parish church would brook nc
interference with what he was pleased
to call his special duties"
Every mon to his trade, sez l." he
would remark Let the passon dc
the praichin, an I'll do the rest"
On one occasion the vicar was Of the
opinion that John was neglecting his
duties.
John, who was not wanting in wit
strenuously denied the charge and said
that he was not goin' to stand no
meddlin'" with his affairs.
But, John" said the vicar, 1T be-
hooves everybody to mind his p's and
q's."
Everybody but me-" retorted John,
refusing to be cornered. "P's an q's
Is nowt + my line. I've enough to do
to mind the keys and pews."-London
Telegraph.
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1905-03-14
Humorous department.
Ministsrino to a Mind Diseased.

Ministerins to a Mind Diseased.
The doctors telephone bell rang.
"Hello!" he said, applying the phone
to his ear.
Hello! Is that DR.. Kewrum?'
yes"
'This is Mrs. Ollerzill. o, doctor, I
have such a tickling in my throat.
Just can't endure 1t. I wish you'd
come over as quick as you can and see
what is the cause Of It."
"The old hypochondriac!" he NUT
tered. There is nothing on earth the
matter with her, but suppose I'll have
to go, as usual, Madam" he continued,
raising his voice, what did you have
for dinner?
Chicken pot pie"
"All right. I'll be there in a few
minutes"
When he visited his patient, a quar-
ter Of an hour later. he found her
coughing and wheezing, and appar-
emily in great pain.
mo relief yet madam he asked.
mot a (cough) bit, doctor! It's
(cough) getting worse( cough every
(cough) minute!"
Well he said, opening his case and
taking out a small steel instrument
with a long handle, well soon remove
the cause. People are often troubled
in this way after eating chicken pot
pie. May I ask you to suspend your
coughing for moment and open your
mouth?"
"Will 1t hurt, doctor?"
mot a particle. Now close your
eyes, please"
She complied, and he inserted the
instrument.
It see what it Is madam. Hold still.
There-that's all"
rs it over, doctor?"
"Yes; you may open your eyes,"
did you find anything?'
'T should say I did. Do you see
this?"
Hereupon he showed her chicken
feather, which appeared to- be IN
remarkable state of preservation, ev-
erything considered.
"Is the tickling all gone, madam
"Yes, it's all gone. doctor. / don't
feel 1t a bit now. just happened to
think, though, that I've made mis-
take. 1t wasn't chicken had for din
ner, doctor 1t was roast pork. o,
dear! 1 can feet it coming on Cough,
cough) again!"
Then the doctors patience gave way.
"Confound 1t, madam" he exclaim-
ed. why didn't you say so earlier?
II you'd told me that at first would
have extracted a bristle!"-Chicago
Tribune.