davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-06-14
QUAKER REFLECTIONS.

TFrom the Philadelphia Record.J
A belt line-the waist.
Some men would try to lie out Of
anything, even a bed.
When we get airships our friends
will be better able to look US up.
When a man steals a battery and
appears before a magistrate he should
be charged with electricity.
Blobbs-'Yes, SpOnger is living like
lord" Slobbs-" How's that -"
BIobbs-"On other peoples money"
When a woman says she hates to
have her husband out of her sight he
is either a good husband or a very
bad one.
It's a habit with some men to
strike a soft thing. If they should fall
from the top of a History building
they would land in a mortar bed.
Independent Mayor E. A. Weimer's
appointees, at Lebanon, got their sal
aries, despite the ring councils refusal
to confirm.
Wigg-"That Boston girl is exceed
ingly modest, isn't she?'' Wagg-
Modest? Why, she won't even take
off her glasses when there are men
around
The business man who prefers the
bold-face type in his advertisements
doesn't always pick out that type OF
girl to wait on his customers.
Wigg-"Old Bjones, who died the
other day, was a man of few words"
Wagg-"I should say he was. He or
dered an inscription on his tom bstone
reading, see You Later E"
Muggins-"I'H bet it rains like
thunder today, Buggins-"Why, the
sky is perfectly clear" Muggins-''I
know it is, but I just passed several
onnibuses loaded with Sunday
school going to a. picnic"
The silly season now doth crop,
And dancing hath the cali.
The frog prefers a summer hop,
The moth a camphor ball.
It used to be the custom for her dear
papa to say:
''Can you support my daughter IN a
comfortable way?''
But now the old mans crafty, and he
wants to know today
The exact amount of alimony you're
prepared to pay.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-06-14
JUSTICE BREWERS PROPHECY.


In an address before the graduating
class of Vassar, Justice Brewer. the
Kansas member of the United states
supreme court, urged upon the young
women whom he was addressing to
take an interest in the welfare of their
country. In doing so the distinguished
jurist set forth the possibility that
woman suffrage for the entire country
may come at no distant day. While
not committing himself. Justice
Brewer intimated his belief that this
win be the case.
you owe it to your country said
Justice Brewer, 1.-The duty of serving
it with all the advantages of your ed
ucation; for who shall say that within
the next decade the suffrage shall not
be extended to women. as it has
already been in many states: who
shall say that before gray hair shan
come to your heads a woman like
Queen Victoria shall not sit in tbe
White House to glorify this nation as
Victoria glOrihed England?"
One can scarcely imagine such u
state of affairs, but stranger things
have come to pass.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-06-14
BILL johnson. UMPIRE.


Bill Johnson was the umpire
Imported for the game,
A knocher from Knox City
Prepared to prove the same:
And sttn not over sassy,
But when he said: Play palls
And looked around the dimonds
They had to play, that's all.
Twas Cobville versus Haytown,
And IN the match before.
The Corncobs knocked out forty,
lille Haytown failed to score.
The Haystocizs sWore the CorncobS
HAD owned the slOb umpire,
And Cobville tntimated
That HaytoWn was a liar.
That's how come William johnson
Was dom business there.
To see the game was moral
And keep the playin' square.
So William set EN- Eoin',
And when a player kicked,
There wasn't nothin, dom
Until the dub was licked
And licked BY Mr.. johnson
He slugged sen left and right,
The grandstand and the bleachers
Went dotty with delight
And every time he licked one
He called a substitute,
And nodded to the bleachera
To root another root.
They done it, too, by crackyi
aAnd long before the game
Was done, the substitutes
Was playln' of the same.
The two mines that begun It
Recovered by and by
From Mister Johnson's handlin'
And sneaked or on the sly.
But when the game was over
And people left the ground
Hoorayin' fer an umpire
That uFnpired; say, they found
The Haystacks and the CorncObs
In considerable suspense,
A-playin' by their lonesomes
Outside the baseball fence.
W. J. hampton in the New York Sur
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-06-14
Delivered Them 90. o. D.0

How did you get on with your writ
ten examinations? inquired a Gentle
friend of young Hebrew who had been
undergoing the ordeal prescribed for
those who present themselves for the
Jewish rite of confirmation.
Pretty good" replied the boy. But
1 don't feel quite sure of all my an
swers."
What, for instance?''
why, that one, How did Moses de-
liver the children of Israel? %
Did you answer it?''
"Oh, yes, I answered it."
what did you say?"
&c. o. D.'-New York Times.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-06-14
Mistakes in EncycIoDedias.

A man who has done a great deal of
work IN correcting some large diction-
ares, encyclopedias and historical
reference works, who has studied 10
foreign languages and who is well
posted on number of foreign lands.
examined over $1,000 pages of an en-
country Much of the work he did
without the publishers knowledge.
though this encyclopedia was consid-
cred to have been edited very care
fully, he discovered over 1000 mis-
takes IN the first volume alone. In the
following volumes he found many
thousands.
In speaking of one of the most
famous violin virtuosos who ever lived
1t was stated that in his youth he fell
out with his parents and ran away to
Cassel, Germany, twelve years after he
died. In giving a sketch of a, living
European author. the statement was
made that he wrote and published his
first book nine years before he was
born. In calling an editors attention
to this error, the editor replied:
Verify, a bright kid this! What
precocity! success.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-06-14
Wanted to say Els Prnrers.

An indulgent father, wishing to
please his youngest hopeful, brought
him to Columbus the other day and
they stopped at one of the large hotels
for the night
The youngster was undressed and
put to bed and the father went down
into the lobby to talk business.
Then there came a jingling of bells
indicating that the push button in the
room occupied by the young man who
had been left quiet in bed must have
been worked to the limit. There was
a rush of feet as the bell boy scurried
to the room, only to be met at the
door by a diminutive but indignant
youth, who said severely:
Man, I want you to send me some
one can say my prayers to, and send
them quick. I want to go to Sleep
Column bus Disnatch
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-06-14
GLOBE SIGHTS.
Iron the Atehison Globe.


A badge doesn't look just right on a man
unless he is dressed up.
When woman is a genius she can al
ways give some artistic reason for adopt
ing the makeshifts of economy
When a woman smiles to herself as she
seWs it is a pretty safe bet she IS not
working on a garment for a man.
An Atchison woman is so watchful that
her husband says he has never been alone
Iong enough to change his underwear
without q witness.
People want a square deal and the
greatest possible amount for their money.
Against these. business mans popular
ity counts for nothing
shortly after a woman dies the reonle
begin to say it is a good thing the dead
don know what is going on, rneaninr that
her husband is not behaving.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-06-14

A group of congressman who hap
pened to be at the capital during a
recess of the national legislature help
ed to while away the time by exchang-
ing stories; and one of the statesmen
from Pennsylvania told this one re-
garding a constituent. This man,
who lived in one of the small towns in
the keystone state, was appointed
naval officer at the chief port in the
state. He Immediately packed up his
belongings and established himself in
the metropolis of the commonwealth.
At the end of four years the admins
tration changed, and he relinquished
his Office. When he returned to the
village OF his birth, his first visit was
to his aged mother. She greeted him
affectionately, and said:
MY boy, you have had four years
in a lucrative federal Office. Tell me,
now that it is over. what have you
saved %
He was nonplussed for the moment.
Not a penny of his salary remained.
In an outburst of frankness he turn
ed to her, and leaning over her said,
with hearty fervor, Mother, saved
my life. "-Harper's Weekly.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-06-14

beIion, but you never hear him say
anything about it. When see a man
like that feel like taking off my hat
as he goes by" Mr.. Coburn, by the
way, did at least his share towards
putting down the rebellion" He en-
listed as a mere boy and served
through practically the entire trouble.
but he rarely mentions it and never
brags about it. He is another who
doesn't make a business Of being an
old soldier.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-06-14
Headaches From Biz Hats.

A distinguished English physician is
authority for the statement that many
a headache from which a woman suffers
upon returning from a shopping tour,
walk, or a ride, is due to the strain
upon the leverage of the roots of the
hair, caused by the action OF the wind
upon large hats. Headaches hurt, but
hats are handsome. Possibly some mil
linery genius will invent feminine head
gear in which it will be possible to take
a double reef when the winds blow high
and low and call for undue strain upon
the hair roots that make for women's
CROWNS of glorY.-CleVeIand Leader.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-06-14
HE GOETH BY ME, AND I SEE
HIM NOT.v

Life is game of hide and seek.
we played 1t first, unskilled and weak.
ana when we hid, for all our care
he came at once and found us there.
ana SO through youth we played it sun,
6 ana ala from Him, and had our will;
9a4y ne found US slower then,
We had the strength, the skill OF men.
And next t was HIS turn to hide.
ana was It carelessness or pride?
Was He so quick or we SO blind?
We sought Him and we could not ind.
And we are old, and still we play.
But have not found Him, and TODAY
The game is only not despair
Because we know He must be there.
Hugh Macnaghten ia the Spectator.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-06-14
A CITIZENS DUTY.

The mayor Of Philadelphia is acting
as the chief magistrate of every other
city in the Union should act II ne mas
administration and malfeasance in any
Of the public offices. The citizens elect
a mayor to perform his sworn duty 70
them. But while a mayor mas ms du-
unmindfuI that If is incumbent upon
them to point out any official corrup-
ton of which they may become cog
infant and can prove any mayor
who stops grating in his adfnlnlstr a. a.
ton may be sure that citizens VIII
hold him in high esteem.- Boston
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-06-14
HUMOR OF THE DAY

onieer Doolan-I once pulled in the Yale
Yalevard-wnat had they been doing7-
Ethy-pid Annette get anything out OF
her breach of promise suit?
Babette-Nothing at all; the man decided
to marry her.-Detroit Free Press.
IT sort of forget" remarked the observ-
er OF Events and Things, but didn't some
body once ask, what is so raw as a day in
June ?''-Yonkers Statesman.
Observer Cooking at new steamer)-The
Suburbanite! Isn't that an odd name for a
owner-Not 50 terribly odd. She's
victim-what has happened? Where am
Doctor-You have been seriously injured
in trolley accident. But cheer up-you
Victim-How much?-Cleveland Leader.
PROSPECTIVE Boarder-Is there any dam
ger of catching the malaria here?
Hank Doolittle-No: not If you keep out
of tn sun, and stay in tn house on rainy
days, and don't go out evenings, and lay
abed mornings, and take plenty w quiz
nine, there ain't.-Puck.
Young Lady repeating conversation to
deaf old gentleman)-Mis Frills says it
Deaf Old Gent-Eh? I didn't quite
Young Lady-Such 6 fright
Deaf Old Gent-Ah yes-I agree with
you-so she is--Punch.
Debtor-Ca1I again tomorrow
Collector don't want to- sir.
Debtor-Then stay away But you can
not say you weren't invited.-Cleveland
Leader
Mrs. Keiiy-o4 feel so sorry Ter babies;
they can't tell ye plat ais theml
Mr.. KeIly-Begobs that's tn best thing
about thin, t my way Of thinkin'-Pucls.
Bosh-I knew a man once who had never
met with a disappointment in his life
Josh-How's that?
Bosh-He was never looking for any
thing but trouble.-Detroit Free Press.
Mr. T. Deeus-Your daughter who has
Just left my room scarcely replied when I
addressed her. Is she reserved?
Mrs. FOndman-I think not, but 7 have
an idea that she's retirLg.-Life.
Physician F'riend-H'n, candle both ends
again, I suppose! All we'll wei soon get
over that A man is either a fool or a
physician at forty. you know.
Impatient Patient mot at all friendly
Can't he be both?-Punch.
MY wife has been talking a good deal
about plans for the summer, so I decided
to have plain, straightforward talk with
her today. just delivered my ultimatum,
and the. result is we go to Newport.
"Spunky OF you, old man; but where did
'sWhy, Newport; haven't I Just told
lyou?"-Philadelphia Press.
81 don't know about calling in DR.. Ry-
bold Do you consider him a safe physi-
Perfectly. He shaves his face clean.
Chicago Tribune.
Jack has gone to Europe"
Yes. didn't know he could SWIM
Town TOPICS.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-06-14
KAMSAS. cOMMENT
A JEwEIJI PRINCESS.

The train on the Duchess Cecilie's
wedding gown this week was seven feet
wide and fourteen feet long, and was
borne by two pages. Jewell viii have
a bride Of her own pretty soon and we
hope to be able to report that her train
was eight feet wide and fifteen feet
long, and that it took two full grown
men and a wheelbarrow to carry it.
Jewell Republican.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-06-14
RErr1sEn TO WORRY.

United States Treasurer Roberts gave
a very interesting address to the Kan
sas bankers at Topeka this week. AS
the person who refused to worry when
his monthly receipts ran several million
dollars behind his expenditures, Mr..
Roberts has been regarded as a very in
teresting man.-Ottawa Herald.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-06-14
WHAT WILL BENT SAY.

the baftIesbiS Ksnsss Csovernor T4ocb
has probably forestalled Bent Murdoch
for once. In this instance Bent will Of
course not be so ungaliant as to renew
his charge that all the state honors and
offices are going to Marion county
Leavenworth Times.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-06-14

There are a great many old soldiers
who never work at the old soldier
business, and it is gratifying to run
across them occasionally. f. D. Co
burn once pointed UP at the Santa Fe
Offices and said. There is an old
codger who works up in that building
who went through the war and was
all shot to pieces. He suffered ire
mendously- he did more than his
Ihare towards putting down the re-
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-06-14

The new Pennsylvania flyer from
Chicago to New York went a mile in
less than half a minute Monday. In
fact, it went three miles in lust IS
seconds. That is going some, all right.
but until the new steel cars and the
Westinghouse safety apparatus come
into general use, most people will pre-
ser train that is content with a mile
G minute
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-06-14
THE COST.

With the Chicago strike rapidly
petering out, both sides to the contro-
versy will now have time to figure up
the profit and loss account. OF course
the innocent public will pay the big
end of the bill, but it will cost both
employers and employees enough to
give them a few dismal days as they
Contemplate the fgures.-Rochester
Democrat and Chronicle.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-06-14
AVOID THE ACCIDENTS.

Loss OF life in a bad railroad wreck
in Missouri is said to have been averted
because the cars were constructed of
heavy steel. This points a way to avoid
the murderous qualities of railroad ac-
cidents. but it will cost the railways
heavily. Lawrence Journal.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-06-14

Just think Of this: A citizen lodged
formal complaint against the Bureau
Of Information in Washington because
1t did not know the name of the pres
ent fourth assistant postmaster. gen
erai. There are plenty of people who
know the preceding one
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-06-14
REPRESENTATIVES. Way.

The niIlers of the land in national
convention, have endorsed President
Roosevelt's stand on the matter of rail-
road rebates. Mr.. Roosevelt has way
of getting right on nearly every pro-
position. that is very interesting to OBJ
serve.-Lawrence Journal.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-06-14

The death of Berian wilkins. for
several years editor Of the Washing
ton Post removes one of the great
newspaper managers OF. America. The
Post under his control has been one of
the ablest newspapers Of the entire
country. 1t is announced that his
sons, who succeed to the control Of the
property Will maintain the present
policy of the paper.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-06-14

While Mr.. Nudge has sold his To-
peka residence. Topeka will be very
glad if he will find a way to continue
to make this city his home. In view
of the importance which Topeka. is 10
have in the future on the Rock Island
map, perhaps he may be able to make
this his headquarters again some time
in the future
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-06-14
MORTON AND OPPORTUNITY.

Opportunity knocks but once on ev-
cry mans door-except for men like
Paul Morton, who has selected a big
life insurance job out of a dozen offers.
In Morton's case, only the most con-
slant vigilance kept opportunity from
through the coal celIar.-Ottawa Herald.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-06-14

The reports from Bliss say that a
lot OF human hogs crowded out the
women and children in a rush for food
ana water at the celebration there
Sunday. 1t does not follow that all of
the people there belonged to that class.
but the sort Of spectacle advertised
Tor that Sunday celebration has pecu-
liar attractions for that kind of cattle.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-06-14
FULL LEASED WIRE REPORT
OF THE ASSOCIATED PRESS
HOME NEWS WIFE AWAY.

Subscribers Of the State Journal
away during the summer may have
the paper mailed regularly each day
90 any address at the rate of thirty
cents a month. Address changed as
often as desired. While out Of town
the State Journal will be to you like
a daily letter from home.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-06-14

The Associated Press says Roosevelt
may name Manchuria as the place to
conduct peace negotiations. because it
is considered too hot in Washington.
Yet it was not very long ago that
Oyama was making it mighty hot in
1Ianchuria also.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-06-14

The Chicago papers say that few
prominent citizens will go abroad from
there this summer. The inference,
therefore, is that most of them have
gone. They started when the beef
trust inquiry began to get warm.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-06-14
roGo As A G11EssER.

The virtues of the NIikado and the
spirits of his imperial ancestors, is the
only way Togo can account for the vic
tory. Togo is a good fighter but a
mighty poor guesser if that is the best
he can dO.-Jewell Republican.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-06-14

Perhaps it was lucky for Rojest-
vensky after all that he sank those
fishing boats off DOgger Banks. Other
wise it might be suspected that he
couldn't sink anything.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-06-14

That decision of the supreme court
Saturday knocking out the Topeka
ant-Joint ordinance, combined with
the city councils indisposition to hurry
IN passing another. is the silver lining
10 the cloud that has been lowering
over the Topeka jointists lately.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-06-14
ruling a Long-FcIt Want.

A new telephone scheme has been
thought out by J. T. Flynn, of this city.
While he believes it will be responsible
for many fatalities, he says he is going
to push it for all 1t is worth. At the
Hotel Cecil yesterday he explained his
idea. My plant is an extremely simple
one" he said, and it will meet with the
approval of every man and woman who
desires to utilize the telephone for the
purpose for which it is intended. You
go to a telephone booth under my sys-
tenn and talk At the end of sixty sec
onds you get a slight shock. This signi-
fes that it is up to you to finish up
quick. If you don't take the hint at the
end of a couple of minutes, a shock suf
fcient to half paralyze you, leave only
sufficient energy to hang up the re-
ceiver, comes. If you are still dense at
the end of three minutes a shock will
come that will end 1t. I tried to patent
the apparatus, but was told at the
patent office in Washington that I
would be instrumental in killing Off half
the people in the United States. am
going to make another try at a patent,
however. Seattle Post-Intelligencer
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-06-14

Mayor Weaver is another iHustra-
ton Of the fact that when a great
work is to be performed. Providence
brings forth a man to perform it.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-06-14
LEE At FLORENCE.

The story is told that a young man
at Florence asked the young lady clerk
the price of a necktie. She told him.
Aren't you a little dear?' he asked. She
giggled and replied, "Well, that's what
all the boys say.'-Hutchinson Bee.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-06-14

Judging from present indications,
Kansas banks will have to put on side
boards to hold the farmers deposits
about September.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-06-14

How would you like to have as
much advice and criticism fired at you
as Gar Nicholas has had during the
past year?
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-06-14

The strike is also proving a good
thing for the lawyers in Chicago, as
weu as for the surgeons and under
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-06-14

Doesn't 1t make you swelter these
torrid days to see pictures of Russians
taken in heavy fur coats and caps?
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-06-14

This is the heated season in Scan
dinavia. That may account for King
Oscar getting hot about it.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-06-14

Anyway. the Russians reached
TikiO.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-06-14

Sweden is apparently opposed to di-
Worces-internsh onal divorces at any
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-06-14

There once was a man !, Ilv -s 81 Il MI. MI
W., I,sd q fne farm all OF "a
But having no cows
IN his pasture to Dreft ees
Twas not long before ne nae na;
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-06-14

Prospective Boarder-Is there any dam
ger of catching the malaria here2
Hank DoolittIe-No: not If you keen out
days, and don't go out evenings, and lay
abed mornings. and take plenty Nv qui-
nine, there ain't.-Puck.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-06-14

II sort of forget" remarked the Observ-
er Of Events and Things, but didn't some
body once ask, what is so raw as a day in
June ?''-Yonkers Statesman.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-06-14

Observer Cooking at new steamer)-The
Suburbanite! Isn't that an odd name for a