The comet. (Johnson City, Tenn.) 1884-1916, 1905-09-28
HARDEMAN FREE PRESS NOTES.
BY COMMERCIAL APPEAL.

Inat amt no way 10 treat gentleman
We guess that the Mayor Of Atlanta is
fixed like us, and can't git load at
home. If a gent can't git drunk when
he goes off to some other town, he
might as we'll stay at home and keep
sober. Hardeman Free Press.
Labor day in Memphis ware
measley failure. We was a delegate
frum the Boozefighters' Union, and
they objected to us parading with the
workingmen. They said howsomever
that il we could prove that we could
walk chalk line they would let us in.
So they put US in the middle of the
road and told us to 60 ahead. We run
into three lampposts, knocked four
bisickles off their pins, swiped Peter
Tracy off'n a dry goods box, and the
first thing we knowed, we was hauling
down all the signs in whiskey shoot.
The Grand Marshal said we was evi-
2ently not in form and he wouldn't let
us in the procesh Looks to us as if
Labor Day ought to be abolished. -
Hardeman Free Press.
We seen from the papers that John
D. Rockefeller is taking the Nip cure.
He's on the right path at last. We
have been taking the Nip cure ever
since we was able hold up dipper, and
we can cheerfully recommend it as a
sure cure remedy. Take enough nips,
and you won't know that you ever had
anything the matter with you. Harde-
man Free.
The cold writer brigade has been pat
ting us on the back and telling us to
go on in our noble fight agin Ticker,
but they amt coming across none. II
they don't do no better than have done,
we air going back to champeen the
cause of booke and the rights of man.
We went into this here crusade fel
morality because we was told it woul6
pay, and we air out fer the
stuff. Hardeman Free Press.
The way it happened was this. WI
went to a meeting called fer the pur
pose of endorsing our noble stand agiI
ticker, and while we was asleep, ou
flask slipped out of our hip pocket tt
the floor and broke, spilling some O.
the finest Ticker we ever tasted II
add to our already irresponsible loss
the prohibitionists tore up their resolu
lutions and denounced us as an agen
of the Rum Devil. .-Hardeman Ere,
Press.
We have been ast if we would accep
the anti-licker nomination for Cover
nor of Tennessee. Sure thing, W.
would accept any old nomination fe
anything. Already our better half i
getting up trueso fer the position o
first lady of the State. AS Governo
we could make all the still house
come acrost. Hardeman Free Press.
We seed in the press that Lincol
County has quarantined agin Ne'
Orleans and other infected places
but no matter what happens, we ain
never going to quarantine agin Lir
coin County nor Robertson County
nor Bourbon County. Hardeman Ere
Press.
; Some of our subscsibers who ain
paid their subscription air kickin
because we didn't git out an issue {
/ the Free Press Monday. 1t happene
this away. We seen in the papers thf
the niggers in the levee camps WI
eatin cokane and gittin three jags for
quarter. When our Ticker give OIL
endurin of the blizzard Sunday, "
bought dimes worth of coke at DE-
Hendricks drug store and went to be
with it that night. 0 myl what
dream we had. We drempt the Missi
sippi River had turned to rye whiske,
and that we was floatin up stream fro
New Orleans to Cairo. When we con
to Monday night we was just pass
under the big bridge at Memphis.
we had knowed befor, hand we wou
} have bought enough to take us to S
Louis. Hardeman Free Press.
Squire Muck Nichols dropped in
our sanctum one day this week, al
brought bottle which he said hi
n been sent him by a friend in o
Kentuck and was forty years oil
Him and we repaired to our priva
office and drunk it up We found 0
afterwards that it ware an insect bi
l. lotion, and rash h I've broke out
(. both OF us. Still it ware better th
ID nuthin. -Hardeman Free Press.
Some OF our admirers sent us a bt
tie of flea bite and box of load
cigars fer the Fourth of July, and nj
we have broke out with the measles
80 Hardeman Free Press.
Some of our anti-licker friends
complaining because we was sent hol
in cart agin this week, but that al
none of their darn business, as 10
as the Free Press is agin
saloons. Hardeman Free Press.
. When we was to Memphis last wei
3 we was sent to the hospital instead
&c the station house, and young ga
5s bones mistook our jag fer case
"a appendisightus. The soupintend'
IN happened to be familiar with {
M symptoms and told the sawbones v
T, we ware, and he didn't oprate on
Next day when we ware sober, he 81