Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1905-04-29
WHEN WIFE Is AWAY

Here followeth sundry and divers excerpts
from the diary of a man whose wife went
south early in April for a months visit
with her folks:
April S-Lonesome as pup poodle In a
shed on the Fourth Of July. Margaret
started this am. Lump In my throat the
size of a gourd. Wonder how I'm going to
scramble through the month she'll be gone.
House seems like morgue this evening.
Can't get 1t out of my head that Mar
garets only in the next room, embroider-
Ing a shirt waist or monkeying with her
side combs, or something. It's only 8
O'Clock, but / guess there's nothing else
to do but to turn In. Wish Margarets rela-
tives lived on Pitcairn Island or any other
place where she couldn't reach 'em. Wrote
her long letter. special delivery.
April 9.-LOnesOme breakfast this morn
ing. Liza. the old black cook, spread her.
self. too on the biscuits and the rest Of the
truck. but 1 could hardly eat a mouthful.
1diotic, suppose. for a fellow to be so
dead-gone on his wife. but can't be helped.
Wrote her two long letters special delivery.
and sent her a telegram telling her she was
strictly all right, &c. Gloomy dinner. all
by my lonesome. this evening. despite black
L1zas efforts to be cheerful and laxative.
Couldn't stand dismalness Of house after
dinner and so went out and played few
games of billiards with Jim Warmpace.
whose wife is also away visiting her folks.
Jims a shad, that's what he is-didnt ap-
pear to be bothered at all over his wifes
being way, wanted me to take in variety
show with him. but passed it up-don't
feel In the mood for variety shows. Think
I'll write to Margaret tomorrow asking her
to curtail her visit to her folks to two
weeks instead of a month.
April 1O.-Couple letters from Margaret to-
day saying she's enjoying her visit enor-
mously. Good thing She doesn't get away
often. Didn't RI har
visit after all I figured that that would
have been selfish on my part. Met Jimmy
Warmpace again after dinner this evening,
played couple games of billiards, and then
we went to see the burlesque show; not
bad-looking bunch of girls, at that, for
variety show outfit Well, it's after mid
night and time to turn in-hope Margarets
getting plenty Of rest. 1t 'ud be brutal on
my part to summon her back here, and I'm
going to let her remain with her folks
as long as she wants to.
April 12.-Got home too late last night
this morning. l mean-tO slap down my
doin's In this old hewgag of book. Had
just started a letter to Margaret after din
ner last evening when Jimmy Warmpace
slammed in. Jimmy had a four-seated
devil-wagon out in front. and wanted me
in the country in the cool of the evening.
Chopped off letter to Margaret rather sud-
denly and went along In Ji-nmys outfit.
Then Jimmy and I dug up a little poker
Stuue lHdl Jimmy KNEW dDOul, ana we SAT
in. I copied out hundred and quarter
easy as rolling off a log. and I guess I'll
order a couple of suits of toys with that
velvet tomorrow morning. Didn't get home
till o'clock this am, and had just
teenchy bit of head when I woke up.
Hope 1 didn't bite off that letter to Mar
garet too suddenly. Must write her again
now for I've got an idea Jimmyll be drop
ping around again some time this evening.
April 14.-Here I've let two days get away
from me without putting down the minutes
in this book Been pretty busy. though.
Knocked off at the office at noon today
SOS to get a chance to scribble few lines
to Margaret. Felt pretty bum anyhow,
and needed a few winks of sure-enough
slumber. Fraid Margaret got wise to the
sudden telescoping of that letter that I
chopped off with suddenness the other
evening when Jimmy Warmpace got
around She makes fancy crack about it
in the letter 1 got from her today. Asks
If my ink we'll suddenly went dry. or some
thing like thatI forgot exactly what.
Suspicious lot women. Me for the feathers
of the little white bunk soon after sun
down this evening. Hereafter I'm going to
flag these home-destroyers that Jimmy
mixes up in a shaker out of everything on
the sideboard around at his house. They're
great while they're coming, all right After
you've got outside of four of EN- all you've
got to do is to toss your head back and
listen to the music. But they sure do
stack you up against Maj. G.. L. Dom when
you come to the next morning.
April 17.-Another hiatus in this old Jig
ger of a journal. Rather a nuisance, keep
ing a journal when a fellows wife Is out
of town visiting her relations. A whole
lot doing these last two days; too long q
story to set down here, though. Margarets
moaning in her letters because l don't
write her about nineteen pages of foolscap
two or three times a day. Funny how a
woman expects a fellow TO be a moon calf
all of his days, 1t sure is. I'll have to
smoke up and write her longer ones.
though, otherwise l wouldn't be surprised
If she were to come hiking back here any
old time, and Jimmy and l have got 1t all
fixed to trot over to New York and take In
the Carter handicap on the opening day
at the Aqueduct track so it wouldn't do for
Margaret to come stealing back before we
get that little trip off our minds and arrive
back in Washington
April 21-Its all off. -lmmy and 1 both
got the dumperino from our wives on the
same day. Jimmy found wire on his
desk this morning from his wife, saying
that she'd arrive back home on the
o'clock train this afternoon: and here at
home find a telegram from Margaret say
ing she'll get in at s o'clock tomorrow
morning. And she's only been gone thir-
teen days-13 is my hoodoo number, any
how Women are the most unreasonable,
inconsiderate exacting-but what the use?
Me to spend tonight at Turkish bath to
get pinked up some. Maybe Jimmy and
1 Will be able to frame up some kind of
a scheme to get to New York to see
the Excelsior handicap on opening day at
the Jamaica track. The next time Mar
garet starts off on a months visit to her
relatives, she's going to stay out the full
month if this little Algy We're de Vere's
Looping back here after being away only
q miserable little thirteen days.