Aberdeen herald. [volume] (Aberdeen, Chehalis County, W.T.) 1886-1917, 1905-07-24

Mrs. Jenks-You acted awfully silly
when you proposed to me. Mr.. jerks
Well, I was!-Cleveland Leader.
He-Do you read all the popular
novels Of the day? Solicitations, no!
have just time to see how they end.
Elk.
He-As l sat there alone, Hilda
came along and offered me penny
for my thoughts. She-The extrava-
CANT creature!-Boston Transcript.
Old Gent-My poor child! Did not
your parents leave you anything when
they died? Poor Child-Yep. Dey left
me On orphan.-Boston Transcript.
"Oh, papa, the duke has proposed to
me-! He has," Yes, papa. And
he says l can wear coronet! Here's
the pawn toicke for it!-Cleveland
Leader.
Duffer-I've been figuring on the ex-
penses of an automobile, and I find
the greatest cost is the operation. Puff
fer-Mechanical or urgical?-Indlan-
apolls Star.
Jlm-Say, Bill, wot would yer dc
II yer had a million dollars? Bill
Oh, l s'pose I'd blow about half Nv
tryin ter find out wot wuz de matter
wild mex.
What does the first expert say"
He says the prisoner Is guilty" "And
the second expert?" Not guilty
There's third expert, isn't there?'
Yes; he says both the other experts
are liars. "-Houston Chronicle.
Offlcer-What is the complaint here.
Orderly Offering basin)-Taste that
sir. Officer (tasting)-Well, l think its
excellent soup. Orderly-Yes, sir
that's the trouble; they want to per
suade us it's tea.-Glasgow Evening
Times.
Fond Young Mother with her frs
born)-Now, which Of us do you think
he Is like? Friend Uudiclally)-Well
Of course, intelligence has not really
dawned in his countenance yet, but
he's wonderfully like both Of you.-
Punch.
Broadway-Too bad about old Colt
rocks. Manhattan-Why, what's the
matter with him? Broadway-He
started in to make enough money tC
retire ON, and made 80 much that he's
got to work overtime to take care OF
lt.-Life.
(Which do you think counts for the
most in life, money or brains?" well,
answered Miss Cayenne, Il see SC
many people who manage to get or
with 80 little Of either, that l am be-
ginning to lose my respect for both. y
Washington Star.
Guest-This Is the fourth time I've
rung for Ice water! Bell Boy know
1t, sir, but the hotel is full Of people
that were at that same banquet, and
every time started down the hal
to your room somebody reached out
and snatched the pltcher!-Detroit
Free Press.
The Actor-I1ook here. old man,
Wish you'd lend me five dollars in ad
| vance, and take 1t out Of my frs
weeks salary. The Manager-But, my
dear fellow, just supposing, for thu
sake Of argument, that l couldn't pay
you your first weeks salary-whert
would l be?-Life.
ho rvtr odtfnr yvhoolod hi
chair around and pushed a button II
the wall. The person wanted entered
Here" said the editor, ARE mum
Der Of directions from outsiders as t
the best way to run newspaper Sex
that they are all carried out" An(
the office boy, gathering them all int
large waste basket, did so.-Wash
lngton Life.
'Give you a nickel?" said Miss D.
Style; "oh, no. l never dispense pro
miscuous aims. Why do you not oh
tain employment" Please, mum,
was the timid reply, Il have small
baby, and people won't he bothered b.
woman with child" Then, 20,
6DSufu creature, why Hot iSoNC NA
| child at home with its nurse"'--Phll
adelphia Bulletin.
| Gen. "Phip' Sheridan was at on
time asked at what little incident dl,
he laugh the most. Well" he said
II do not know, but l Away
laugh when think Of the Irish
man and the army mule. wa
riding down the line one day, when
saw an Irishman mounted on mule
which was kicking Its legs rather free
ly. The mule finally got its hoo
caught in the stirrup, when, In the eN
element, the Irishman remarked
Well. begorrah, II you're goin' to Sc
on, III get off,"
Its mighty easy to make mlstak
In a person." remarked John A. Nc
Call of the New York Life Insuranc
Company a few days ago to friend
ITS like the case Of sea captai
once knew. He got married late il
life and progressed little further thai
the honeymoon when his wife packe'
up her duds and ran off with hand
somer man. Well remarked the car