St. Tammany farmer., 1905-12-30
ON 0NE-N|GHT STANDS
EXPERIENCE OF A BARNSTORM
Err IN CENTRAL WEST,

EXPERIENCE OF A BARNsToRM
| Err IN CENTRAL WEST.
| (Being the Letters of Algernen Henry Fitz
maurice, Leading Juvenile with the
Agnes Howard Montagu Comedy
Company, to His Bosom Friend,
| Percy Hogan, in New York;
BY CAMPBELL MACCULLOCH
lCopyright, 1905, by Joseph B. Bowles.o
Dear Perc: Just landed here in Osh
kosh, the first jump out of Chicago
and since cur arrival this morning
things have been greatly to the porl
with the troupe. When l blew ava.
from Broadway with this bunch O
tape artists, knew it was no swell
tribe, but l did think I was going t.
get cakes and maybe the laundry bill
out of it for awhile at least.
can see moving picture of Oh
| Man Troubles eldest son following III
all the way from here to the place WI
close, wherever that happens to be
and i have hunch that your little
playmate is going to be in on every
play that's made, for l sure smell joy
GUS things ahead.
The first thing that came off was
when we came up from Chicago on the
train. The fair Agnes, a cute little
thing who lends her fair name and the
stingy bankron she accumulated with
that comedy troupe of Corse Payton's
she was with so long, is easily As, il
she's day, and wears the grease on
and off. To get down to your inartistit
level, Perc, she carefully makes up he1
face for daylight uses, fearful, nc
doubt, that the wise guys will get wise
to her record of hard winters.
AS was going to tell you, something
came off. Agnes was sitting in the
parlor car and the conductor blew in
and asked for her ticket. She refers
him to Handy Dobson, who's managing
this trick. The puncher looks her
over and fixes one of those gummy
eyes on her with the far Oft stare that
hints that she looks good to him. Her
Paintlets scents a chance to put one
over the plate and calls him right
hard, and puts up such a howl that
three drummers further back get up
like someone offered to buy drink
and cut in with demand for advance
information.
This low person has insulted me" :"
howls Little Aggie. Il never was so
mortified in my life. Oh-h-h-h," and
she cuts loose with scream that
would make a locomotive ashamed of
itself
Whats been happening here?" asks
one of the drummers, who sees a
chance to make a ten strike with beau
ty in distress. He hadn't got flash
at the face under the veil yet.
Why" says the conductor, 81 asks
this female party for her ticket and
she makes queer move or two and
puts up a scream. / don't get wise to
her at first and bends down to ask her
again, and she pulls the string on her
calliope out as far as it'll go.''
Its a base lie,'' shoves in Aggie,
with a snort He tried to engage me
in conversation. I'm lady, even if l
am an actress" And she pulls back
into the corner and turns on the water.
"You ought to be ashamed of your
SELF" says the drummer with the big
nose. "Ain't you got no more sense
han to speak to a young gell like her
without being introduced?"
The conductor frames up a hot an
;wer, but just then Aggie raises her
Teil to pass over tear stained goo
goo to the drummer, and the conductor
packs up quick with a snort and makes
or the door. The drummer swallows
vice kind of heavy, steps on the fat
ret corn, and hikes for the
compartment with howl you
'ould have heard half a mile. You
zee, he'd got square look at that
which Aggie carries around for face,
md the tear stains had worked two lit
le furrows down through the make
lp and the black had washed OF of her
yes. and she looked like cigar store
indian that had been left out in the
torn.
Say, you ought to have heard the |
mort that comes off then. The fair I
Agnes pulls down her veil with jerk
hat dislocated the bird on her hat,
nd gets un and goes out after Handy |
)obson to have him take punch at
II concerned Handy had been tipped
# by the conductor, though, and is
1ing low in the baggage car. I found
i'm there after awhile playing cards
18th Flint Hardy, the heavy man that
as voice like foghorn and face
aat would spoil your digestion. He's
wise mug, this here Hardy, though,
nd hadn't been next to him five
linutes before pick him out for one
the old-time circus grafters, who's
Use to every turn in the deck. l. can
se where he and | will do some neat
,regathering out on the tanks.
When we got in here did a fancy
to the hotel and found Flint
[ardy and the lead taking in few
the bar. The lead is a good fellow
4 right, but he's dead sure he's got
lily Faversham whipped to a whisper
ad it shows through.
"Order yours, KID" he says to me,
I'd whispered to the barkeep that
d have a little of the same.
I'm positively sore," says the lead.
Here I've got to go through the sea-
N speaking soft things to that
lromo who can't smile because It's ,
eeze fast, and do the come tony
'ms-my -brave-girl when she's been
ting onions. It's four to one odds !
! that she's a garlic fiend, and if l
n stick two weeks Pm q wonder !