davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1905-03-08
Her Little Roast.

II misunderstanding the other day
about a twibe in Afwicka that-aw-
eats wosted monkeys, doncher know"
remarked young Softleigh "Beastly
dweadful, doncher thing, Miss Caus-
tique"
eyes; but why should you care?" re-
joined Miss Caustique. ''You are not
thinking of going to Africa, are you?"
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1905-03-08
Declined with Thanks.

Dribbles-Did you get a check for
zine last month?
Scribbles-Yes. Got it by return mail.
Dribbles-For how much?
Scribbles-Oh, not much; only three
words written with blue pencil.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1905-03-08

which makes the
coast Of Holland
such a picturesque
locality. This sandy
island is inundated
during most ct the
winter, b Ut it s
hardy inhabitants,
all of them engaged
in fishing, do not
mind this particu-
larly, living almost
entirely in boats.
The dwellings, are
set on piles and are
only one story in
height. These little
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1905-03-08
Beginning of the End.

you can cook, 1 suppose?' remarked
the young man who was cautiously feel
ing his way before declaring himself.
NO." she answered icily, Il never
even attempted it. My parents never
thought it would be necessary for me to
seek a position as cook"
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1905-03-08

Objection to the marriage Of King
Alfonso of Spain and Princess Victoria
of England has been raised in some
high places. This being the case, he is
pretty sure to marry her if she will
have him.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1905-03-08

The Irvine trust has. gone into the
hands of a receiver, who, of course,
will be expected to wind up it's affairs
as well as he can, and without unnec-
eSsarily stringing them out.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1905-03-08
Cyclists in Germany.

Owing to the great rush Of cyclists
from Berlin to. Werder where the or
chards are in blossom, and consequent
frequency Of accidents, the Samaritan
Society has arranged for frst-aid men
to patrol the roads on bicycles and
give assistance where required.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1905-03-08

The w. G. Il. u. of Carbonate. Pa.
has officially decided that "Gracious"
Is swearing. 1t would be interesting
to get that Carbonate societys opin-
Ion on kicking the door and hopping
around on one foot after the pounding
Of a thumb.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1905-03-08

Kouropatbdn reports that many Of
his soldiers are declining to fight be-
cause they can't understand what
there is to fight for Heavens! If that
doctrine is permitted to spread, what
will become of the worlds great ar
mics?
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1905-03-08

Some Of the Russian editors are de-
handing a free press. Never, after
this, may they hope to win the esteem
of Governor Pennypacker
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1905-03-08

Rudyard Kipling thus far has sue
cessfully resisted the inclinatioh to
write another poem on his old friend,
Adam Fad, Esq.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1905-03-08

If j;u jitsu be adopted at West Point
and Annapolis it is likely it will be
necessary to reinforce the hospital
corps at the next Army-Navy football
game.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1905-03-08

A New Jersey postmistress has re-
signed because the salary of the office
is only $14.75 year. She ought TO
have Incorporated it and watered the
stock.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1905-03-08
a Bio GOrOn

Mrs. Newrich (back from the honey
moon in SWitzerland)-Do you remem-
Der, dear, that lovely gorge up in the
mountains? Mr.. Newrich-I do. 1t
was the sQuarest meal ever ate.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1905-03-08
SoIxer,. Home Builder Corn.

So named because so acres produced SO
heavily, that it's proceeds built a lovely
home. See Salzer's catalog. Yielded in
Ind. ISL bu., Ohio 100 bu., Tenn. 1913 bu.,
and in Mich. 220 bu. per acre. You can
beat this record in 1905.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1905-03-08
Another Failure,

II reached, alas! but could not grasp,
So the poet wrote one day;
He had reached a poem to the editor
But failed to grasp the pay.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1905-03-08

Those hunters who were not mis-
taken for deer last fall are now being
killed off as they try to clean tneir
guns.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1905-03-08

Wasn't that carrying female sutfra &c
to an extreme when Maud, the muls,
was allowed to vote in Denver?
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1905-03-08

DR.. Stockham would have colleges
teach matrimony and motherhood.
These things used to be learned in Che
home
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1905-03-08

The Gar, according to the dis
patches, lis beginning to think" But
the salary he draws amply pays him
for that.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1905-03-08

In looking the field over, doesn't
this strike you: That those who have
something to be blue about are not
the ones who have the blues?
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1905-03-08

There is a "smile cure" for dyspep-
STA, but it Is not the same kind CT
"smile" some people have always used.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1905-03-08

which Railway
traffic and it will
leading decks the
building There will be five
be
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1905-03-08

Sir Henry's Irving's son is to play in
Hamlet" May he never be troubled
by the apparition Of his fathers ghost!
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1905-03-08
FISHER MAID OF MARKEN, HOLLAND.

Marker is in reality only wide
sand bank in the Zuyder Zee, that
historic gulf in the German Ocean
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1905-03-08

A family that can be imposed upon
10y kin is an easy mark for the book
agents.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1905-03-08

In order to succeed a man must fail
few times.
The wageworker. (Lincoln, Neb.) 1904-????, 1905-09-22
china's Bows ard Arrows.

Though an attempt was made two
years ago to abolish bows and arrows
as the national weapons OF China the
work has only been accomplished
within the last few weeks. The i'm
perial archers have existed up to the
time the royal edict put them out of
business about month ago. The en-
perors decree is as follows: "Our dy-
nasty was established by means Of the
bow and arrow and the art is still
therefore kept up in the examination
Of officials and the drilling of troops.
Lately, however, military science has
improved and weapons are being mod
tate the martial spirit of our ances-
tors by using our best endeavors to es
tablish strong government. Here
after the princes, dukes and ministers
of the eight banners must all earnest
ly practice military art and attain the
utmost proficiency, which will leave
no time for the observance Of mere
forms, and we order all off Gals in fu-
ture not to carry the bow and arrow
when they attend state ceremonies,
nor are imperial bodyguards or the
palace guards to use them, but the
best weapons must be provided for
them. Let the board of war draw up
the necessary regulations for the prop
er testing of military efficiency for the
soldiers and let the said board repor.
thereon"
The wageworker. (Lincoln, Neb.) 1904-????, 1905-09-22
Official Gazette Needed.

The president suggested to the com.
mission appointed to examine the
methods Of conducting business in the
federal departments the feasibility OF
establishing an official gazette. The
New York Tribune heartily indorses
the suggestion. 1t says: "An official
gazette would certainly serve two ex-
cellent purposes. 1t would lead to
better administration, in that it would
bring the business operations of each
department under more direct scrut-
my. Each branch of the service now
acts independently of all the others.
Again, the public would be greatly
served by such an official register. To
get any general knowledge now of
what is being done in the departments
one must go to fifty or one hundred
different sources. Appointments, pro-
motions, army, navy and marine corps
orders, bids, proposals, ard reports
dribble out piecemeal; but no conven-
lent and accurate record exists, such
as a comprehensive and wen-edited
gazette would furnish. For newspa-
papers and for the reading public in
terested in the governments work
such a register would prove Of genu-
ire value"
The wageworker. (Lincoln, Neb.) 1904-????, 1905-09-22
Today

Let others dream of old-time days
That lie behind on life's highways,
Or backward look with longing gaze
To see the glancing morning rays,
But life hath present charms for me
That cheer me on my onward way
With babies perched upon my knee
l am content to live Today.
Let others sing of dead June times,
Or sing in swinging, flowing rhymes
OF youthful days and sunny climes
When hope and joy rang golden
chimes,
But though the land of Used-to-Be
Is thronged with mem'ries bright
and gay
With babies perched upon my knee
l am content to live Today.
Let others turn and backward cast
Their longing gaze upon the past,
When youth was full of visions vast.
Before life'S sun to monday passed.
But greater charms than all they see
| find each hour along my way
With babies perched upon my knee
I've life and love and hope Today.
Let others for the old days sigh
And on the past turn longing eye
To see youths hopes that sleeping lie
Where winds of other days wall by,
But present joys enough for me;
In morning bright or twilight gray,
With loved ones gathered round my
knee
know naught better than Today.
The wageworker. (Lincoln, Neb.) 1904-????, 1905-09-22
CALLING to the PAGAN.

Oh. Summer, with your wooing breeze.
That stirs my blood like wine.
Oh. Summer with your purple seas,
You call the pagan in my breast.
The pagan centuries at rest.
Who worshiped at your shrine.
The pagan loved your fields and hills
And woods, as I do now:
The pagan knew the JOY that thrills
My being when l hear the song
OF birds at twilight. and the long,
Long thoughts that calm my brow.
Oh. Summer, let me be again.
AS centuries ago,
pagan worshiping, as then.
Your glorious sun. without thought
OF greed or gain that men have brought
To fill our world with woe.
A pagan quafting life with love.
And laughing when the whole
Is done-the morning stars above
Sing in his ears their song sublime
OF joy beyond the touch of time,
The passion of the soul.
Oh Summer. let your splendor steal
Me from my trodden ways,
And let me live and love and feel
Without regret-without the prod
OF right and wrong or vengeful God
Bring back those fair, glad days.
Sweet Summer with your wooing breeze
That stirs my blood like wine;
Oh Summer with your purple seas,
The pagan, centuries at rest
Is here forever in my breast
To worship at your shrine.
-Lippincott's.
The wageworker. (Lincoln, Neb.) 1904-????, 1905-09-22
THE BARRIERS.
Some News About the Knights Of
Shears and Razors.

Some News About the Knights Of
Shears and Razors.
The BARRIERS of the city are not max
ing any particular fuss about it, but
they are keeping their lines closed
up in good style and are enjoying
better conditions than ever before in
the history of the industry in this
city. Last Tuesday the shop card was
removed from the shop of James
Masully, 1902 o street. Masully did
not think enough of the card to pay
dues, and after being given an oppor-
tunity to think it over and refusing to
keep in line, the card was removed.
The attention of union men is called
to the fact that the Masully shop is
not now union.
George Haskills shop at 121 South
Ninth street no longer possesses a
union card. He refused to abide by
the 1880 p. m. closing rule and the
card was removed from his shop by
Secretary Bowen last Tuesday. The
union men of the city are requested
to bear this fact in mind. Men who
arc advocating the shorter work day
can not consistently patronize a man
who refuses to abide by the short
The wageworker. (Lincoln, Neb.) 1904-????, 1905-09-22
LIST OF UNION LABELS.


Every union member. or sympathizer
Is urged when making purchases or hav-
ing work done, TO demand the following
union labels which have been endorsed
by the American Federation of Labor:
United Hatters.
International Typographical Union.
Allied Printing Trades.
Cigarmaxers' International Union.
Wood Carvers Association.
Boot and Shoe Workers Union.
Wood Workers International Union.
United Garment Workers.
Tobacco Workers International Union.
Journeymen Tailors' Union.
Iron Molders Union.
Journeymen Bakers and Confectionery
Union.
Coopers' International Union.
Team Drivers International Union.
United Brotherhood of Leather Work.
ers on Horse Goods.
National Union Of United Brewery
Workers.
International Broommakers' Union.
International Union Carriage and Wag-
onmakers.
International Association of Brick, Tile
md Terra Gotta Workers.
International Association Of Allied
Metal Mechanics bicycle Workers).
Glass Bottle Blowers Association.
Metal Polishers. Buffers, Platers and
Brass Workers Union.
International Association Of Machinists.
International Union of Journeymen
Horseshoers.
Case Engravers
International Ladies' Garment Work.
ers' Union.
American Federation OF Musicians.
Shirt, Waist and Laundry Workers
international Union.
International Jewelry Workers Union.
American Wire weavers' Protective
Association.
American Federation of Labor.
Uphosterers' International Union.
International Brotherhood of Black
smiths.
Amalgamated International Association
Sheet Metal Workers.
Journeymen BARRIERS International
Retail Clerks international Protective
Ass tofei nmd Restaurant EMPLOYEES. Inter-
national Alliance and Bartenders' Inter
national League ,o, Of A Arntsdt;x. 11,,on
Meat Cutters and Butcher Workmen.
Stove Mounters' International Union.
international Steel and Copper Plate
United Cloth Hat and Cap Makers.
International Brotherhood of Paper
Tinted Gold Beaters' National Union
international Union Of Wood, Wire and
Metal Lathers.
Amalgamated Rubber Workers Inter-
national Union.
Elastic Goring Weavers international
Union.
National Association of Machine Print.
ers and Color Mixers.
Theatrical Stage Employees Interna
ton Alliance.
Trunk and Bag Workers Internationa
United Powder and High Explosive
Workers.
The wageworker. (Lincoln, Neb.) 1904-????, 1905-09-22
A FORTUNE IN SIGHT.
Lincoln Man Invents a Bottle That
Can Not Be RefiIled.

Jesse T. Brilliant, manager of the
Ridgeley Merchandise Co., of this
city, thinks he has an invention that
will provide him with special cars
and private yachts, and there is rea-
son for this belief. He has invented
a bottle that can not be re-filled, some
thing that manufacturers of medi-
cines, perfumes and wines have long
sought and failed to find despite enor-
nous rewards hung up. Mr.. Brill
hart has been working on his idea
fer some time and has succeeded in
getting what he sought. He has now
patented the idea and is preparing
to either sell the right or go into the
manufacture of the sottles.
The bottle has double neck, one
of glass and one of metal, and in
order to open the bottle the false
neck must be so manipulated as to
be destroyed. Interested parties who
have seen the design are positive
that Mr. Brilliant has struck the right
plan at last, and he has had several
offers of capital to put the invention
OH the market.
The wageworker. (Lincoln, Neb.) 1904-????, 1905-09-22
Reason Enough

Having received notice that the
price of meat had been again advanced
we sought the Office of the man who
controlled the meat supply and asked
the reason.
You raised the price SO per cent
early in the spring because it was
so expensive icing the meat" we
said.
THAT is true" replied the meat
man.
But why do you raise the price
now, when cold weather is coming
on?"
Well" replied the meat man. ct
will soon be time to put up ice, and
ice harvests are expensive. We are
merely preparing to pay the expense
Realizing that the explanation would
have to suffice, even if it did not ex-
plain, we bowed humbly and took our
departure. Having previously paid
the meat bill we took only our
departure.
The wageworker. (Lincoln, Neb.) 1904-????, 1905-09-22
BIG TIME IN PROSPECT.
Locomotive Engineers Coming to Lin
coin for a Grand Rally.

Elaborate preparations are still 60
ing on in local Brotherhood circles
for the coming union meeting of the
Brotherhood of Locomotive Engineers
of the middle west, to be held in the
Auditorium on September % and 30.
This gathering promises to be well at
tended from far and near, though
many engineers will be unable to
come, owing to the great amount of
business on the railroads at this time
Of the year.
The people of Lincoln should inter-
est themselves in this meeting, for
it means more to them than is ordi-
narily supposed. They should by all
means attend the opening session at
the Auditorium at $50 a. m. on the
2Sth for the speech of Grand Chief
Warren F. Stone will be great treat
and will prove to the general public
that the Brotherhood of Locomotive
Engineers is in reality the grandest
organization of it's kind. Mr.. Stone
will speak for fully two hours, and
it is promised that his speech will be
interesting from beginning to end.
Our citizens should also vie with
one another in showing the visiting
engineers a cordial welcome and kind
ly treatment while with us, for by
SO doing a credit will be reflected on
our city as a whole and better enable
us to make a bid for an international
convention, bringing thousands of en-
gineers to be with us, remaining usu-
ally a full month in session.
In addition to the free public open
ing on the 2Sth, special features per-
tanning to the mutual and cordial re-
lations eisting between the organiza-
for in the program, which has the
promise of attendance of many Off
Gals and members OF the order.
In honor of the visitors, the meet
ing will come to festive close by
a grand ball in the Auditorium on
the evening of the 2Sth, which is
under the management of H. l.. Bea-
ty, who is now in Chicago making
engagements of special features that
will eclipse all former efforts.
H. WIGGENJOST,
Sec Committee of Arrangements.
The wageworker. (Lincoln, Neb.) 1904-????, 1905-09-22
The New Humorist

Walking cheerily into the sanctum
the visitor took a chair, and deity
removing his hat and readjusting his
wig he exclaimed:
81 have here a few jokes which 1
would like to submit for publication
in your humorous column"
The humorous editor of the Daily
Whoop turned YEARLY in his chair
and said:
I'VE are not purchasing any humor-
Gus contributions just now. Our sup
ply is quite large and we are trying
to exhaust it before purchasing any
more. OF course our policy in this
matter does not necessarily indicate
that your jokes are not good, but only
that just aow they are not available
for our columns
20, that's all right" exclaimed the
new humorist. when you hear these
jokes of mine you will appreciate
their worth and hasten to secure them.
l am not writing them for money, as
l have quite enough of this world S
goods to satisfy my modest wants
and needs. Now here is one that l
just dash"
Excuse me-" but really 1 am very
busy" Interrupted the humorous edi-
tor.
well, just a minute or two" said
the new humorist. Now how is this
one: Why does chicken cross the
road?"
80, that's too"
eyes, know it's hard" chortled the
new humorist. But it's awfully good.
why does a chicken cross the road p
Why, to get on the other side, of
course. Ho, no! Ha, ha, hal"
the humorous editor. I'm not
"Of course you're not going to miss
the chance to get these jokes. Here's
another one: When is a door not a
door, That's easier than the other
one"
What do you mean by springing
those"
"Of course they're pretty hard to
spring on a man who is not used to
Them" laughed the new humorist
when is door not a door?' Why,
whensit's ajar, OF course. Ha, ha! HO
no, ho!'
Great scott, mani" howled the hui
| morous editor 'In the days of old
Ra-"
''Of course they didn't have any
such good jokes in those days." inter
rupted the new humorist. 1t takes
modern wit to invent such good ones
| as these 1 have here. Now here's an
other good one: Who struck Billy
Patterson That ought to be easy
What Billy Patterson got won't be
a marker to what you'll get"
20, l don't expect to get anything
for these. They are only beginning
for me. I've only been a humorist
for few weeks, but when l get in
practice I'll have some that will beat
these out of sight. who struck Billy
Patterson Why, the man who as
saulted him, of course. Ha, ha! TIE
he-he!"
I'm awfully busy now" said thu
Subdued humorous editor. Just leave
The wageworker. (Lincoln, Neb.) 1904-????, 1905-09-22
Hiqh-RoIIer Is Arrested.

James w. Boyd, clerk in the pub
lie health and marine hospital service,
was arrested on warrant sworn out
by Chief Clerk Worcester of that Of
flee, charging him with embezzlement.
The discovery of facts leading to the
charge was made recently in Boyd's
absence, and the amount distracted
will, according to Boyd's own confess
sion, reach not less than $4,000. Boyd
had been in the public health service
for about twelve years and was ap-
pointed from Westchester county, New
York. He was we'll known about town
and especially so because of his pro-
nounced fondness for automobiling.
He was drawing a salary of $1,000 a
year. His family is said to be travel
ing in Europe.
The wageworker. (Lincoln, Neb.) 1904-????, 1905-09-22
HORSE SENSE.
How 10 Fixed the Pump and Charged
Sc

How 10 Fixed the Pump and Charged
SIS for 1t.
The question of remuneration for
labor, always mooted one, is sus-
ceptible of being viewed from various
standpoints.
In a small community in Texas
where water is hard to find, Mr. Hen
derSOn, the owner of we'll fitted out
with patent pump, was a person Of
consequence. 1t was, also, matter OF
public concern when the pump got out
of gear and refused to perform its
proper functions.
All the men in the locality spent the
day in Henderson's back yard, con-
sulting and "tinkering," Jointly and
severally, at the pump; but all to no
avail
Finally along came a young fellow,
10 Brady by name, from a neighbor-
ing ranch. He looked the pump over,
raped it on the head with hammer,
thought couple of minutes, and in
side of two minutes more had it in
working order again. Appreciation
was general.
ouoC AAe1AlS youI pl1CC, ~, Ivy 10y,
said the owner Of the pump heartily.
10 considered bit and then Said
that he guessed five dollars would be
about right
There was change at this, and re-
marks of a different nature from ap-
probation were freely INDUCED in.
Nov, see here, Jo," said the ag-
grieved Henderson, 81 thought you
was square kind of a chap! That
amt any white mans charge. Why,
you don't do nothin' at albany one
Of us could a done what you done
and you want more'n five minutes
dom it, neither. Fifty cents ud be a
big price for that work you done!"
10 considered again.
"All right" he said, 'Ill make
another charge. I'll send you my
BILL he added, turning on his heel.
When the bill came it read thus:
For working on one pump five
minutes $3.50. so
For horse-sense that no other
mothers son Of you could
scratch up So so
1Oldl 90.OU
The wageworker. (Lincoln, Neb.) 1904-????, 1905-09-22
Uses a Gold Pen.

The pope does his private writing
with gold pen, but his pontifical sig
nature is always given with white
feathered quill, which is believed to
come from the wing of dove. The
same quill has been in use for many
years.