West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1905-10-05

atm Just !n receipt OF the pro
ceedings of the West Virginia Edi
torial Association which was held at
Webster Springs. l regret that my
duties as Temporary Governor pre-
vented my attendance.
l had very pressing invitation
from President Chas. ID. Elliott, who
is also the Tax Reform chronologist
of the Parkersburg News, to be
present and address the Association.
In his letter of invitation, President
Elliott says:
GAS the man who stands between
the penitentiary and those carrying
pistols in the rear pocket of the pam
taloon to protect the sanctity Of the
Australion ballot l feel that you
should be present and address the
Association and enlighlen us on the
best method of eliminating the pis &.
tol from the hip pocket without les
sening the good results on election
day.
''As Tax Reform will be the par
amount wrangle before the Associa
tion it is prominently fitting that you
should honor us with your presence
and explain to the rural brethren
that the Dawson tax laws will in no.
wise lessen the flow of eggs and
poultry to their sanctums, which is
SO necessary to MAINTAIN a subscrip-
tion list that will insure a first class
rating with Bradstreet, campaign
committees and old line life insur.
ance companies.
"Since you have mastered the
science of boozology, which you
have applied to the Machine with
snch satisfactory results to the Ma
chine and those of us who are en-
joying the benefits thereof, we deem
it just and proper that you should
make your secret known to the mem
bers of the Association that they
may profit by your discovery.
Senator Elkins has promised to
be present aud address the Associa
tion on the elimination of Creden-
tial Committees IN a Political Con-
vention.' AS you are aware the
Senator is the father of this benevo-
lent discovery which permitted Col.
Chas. +. Teter to gracefully retire
from the Wheeling convention in his
contest for the Governorship with
our own beloved Dawson, which at
one time threatened the peace and
rcpose of our Machine. Happily
Senator Elkins took the credenGal
committee by the horns IN time to
save our tsllow from melting.
"Bros. Lamar G. Powell, Deacon
Brown and Leader Shaw, three of
our most prominent members, will
form the advance guard to make a
careful analysis OF the Webster
Springs water before any Of the
brethren are permitted to mix it with
their mint julips, as it has been cur
9Tenrl, reported by the Prohibition
iseS that the war between the Web.
ster Springs water and whiskey is as
pronounced as tlre war now raging
between the Machine and the Insur-
gents. SO you need have no fears
for your abdominal interior. BE
sure and come"
After a careful perusal Of Presi.
dent Elliotrs asttering j li;stom, I
replied as follows, as I could not
leave Charleston on account Of re-
ceiving message of warning thbt
the Insurgents we're about TO make
a raid on our pies
al beg leave to acknowledge the
receipt Of your generous invitation
to attend the much deferred meeting
Of the Editorial Association which
meets at Webster Springs. A bet.
ter selection could not have been
made than Webster Springs. Il is
remote from civilization and the
strife and turmoil which is engaging
the attention Of the Machine and the
Insurgents over the bone Of contcn
tion-the pies. 10 is safe to say
that the farmers, who arc crowding
our county court daily throughout
the State, begging tie commissioners
TO increase their assessment. tha,
they may live in opulence and com
fort, will not disturb toe Tranquility
OF your flowing bowl
"Col John +. McGraw and Maj.
Chas p Dorr, who have met the
Machine and were roufed haze ON