Aberdeen herald. [volume] (Aberdeen, Chehalis County, W.T.) 1886-1917, 1905-12-14

y
me. You said you was interested in
mining" 80 | is, Miss Snowflake.
Kalsomining. Life.
Madam-Be sure to put plenty Of
nuts in the cake. Cook-Tll crack no
more nuts to-day. Me jaw hurts me
already.-Harper' Bazaar.
81 don't like the man" why not?"
II hadn't been talking to him 1--WE
minutes before he said | was an IDIOT
"Why the y?"-Judge.
Very Quick: First Russian-You
say the fight was quickly over? Sec
ond Russian-Yes, it was finished be-
fore you could say Jackopolnsky Ro.
manoffopolotowsky.
Office Boy-Wy. cert, want more
pay; I'm only getting -four week,
and give my mother all earn. Pro-
pretor-What do you do with the 9th
err three and half?-Puck.
Willie-Papa. If | was twins would
YOU buy the other boy banana. too?
Papa-Certainly, my son. Willie
Well. papa, you surely amt going to
| cheat me out of another banana Just
because I'm all in one plece?-Judge.
Bronco Bill--What did Tough Tomp-
kins die of? Grizzly Pete-Well. the
poor guy needed a change of air an
couldn't get il. Bronco Bill-Lung
trouble! Grizzly Pete-No; he was
lynched.-Judge.
Il got n fine job in de business col
lege." "Gee-wot dyer do:" DE
wrtin' teacher hired me to shake de
table when de new pupils write, This
is sample of my handwriting before
| began taking lessons. "-EXchange.
Brilliant Billy: Bill had a bill
board. Bill also had a board bill. The
board bill bored Bill, so that Bill sold
the billboard to pay his board bill. so
after Bill sold his billboard to pay his
board bill, the board bill no longer
bored Bill
Useless Expense: Lawyer-Now,
see here: before | take your case |
want to know if you're guilty Pris-
oner-Am | guilty? Dyer suppose I'd
be fool enough ter hire the most OK
pensve lawyer in the town if | wuH
inherent?
"Do you know" said a Sunday
school teacher addressing new pupil
in the infant class, that you have
soul?" Course do" replied the lit
tie fellow, placing his hand over his
heart. Il can feel it tick ''-MObcrly
MOI Monitor.
The Indian Bureau: 1--WE been
radln'." said Pat, "a good dale in the
papers about bureau for the Indians.
Now | don't believe in their havin Il
bureau. | can't afford to have MI
reau mesllf. kape me papers in Il
box under the bed
parson-Of course you are not afraid
to die. Brother Jones. Your sooh wife.
who went before. will meet you at
| the pearly gates, you know. Sick Man
Yes: and a peach of time I'll have
explaining to her all I've done for the
past ten years-.Judge.
Another IIeartless Monopolist Mrs.
| Gabble-No. indeed, | don't nave That
woman doctor any more. MRS. Query
Why, thought You liked her. Mrs.
| Gabble-Oh, she got to be hateful She
used to keep the thermometer i'll my
mouth nearly all the time. so that |
couldn't say a word. while she monop-
oliZed the conversation.
A Lively Animal: He was good
1 4
| hcamed as he walked into Il drug
store. The first thing that caught his
attention was an electric fan buzzing
husily on the soda counter lie looked
mt it with great interest. and then
turned 10 the clerk "Py golly.' he
said. smilingly. "dat's lihy squirrel
vot YOU got in dare. amt id:'-llppn-
colts Magazine
Refined Pork: Harold was playing
keep store and had prevailed upon
his grandmother to become one of his
patrons. When she appeared IN the
role of customer he said; "llave some
nice vegetables or fruit or meat: Here
* some extra nice boiled ham. Have
somet" no. thank YOU she said. Il
don't like ham," "Oh. but | think
you'd like this. ma'am. 1t is hardly
bit hammy. ''-Lippincott's.
4 Memory for Dates: \ school
teacher was trying to impress upon a
scholars mind that Columbus dlscoV-
cred America in 1892. Now, John,'
he said. Il will tell you the date in
rbyme. so that you won't forge; 1t. In
fourteen hundred and ninety-two Co.
lumhus sailed the ocean blue. Now
can YOU remember that, John Yes.
replied John. Next day the teacher
said. "John. when did Columbus dis
cover American" in fourteen hundred
and ninety-thrce Columbus sailed the
dark-blue sea
Improving the Opportunity: Here.
my good man" she said one day last
week to man who had begged aims
of her. here is n thrcc-penny piece.
and please to understand that do not
give this because | hope to be reward
ed for my charity some da., but be-
cause 1t gives me pleasure to do So
The burly beggar looked obviously at