The daily morning journal and courier., 1905-08-30
EVERYBODY A DEFECTIVE.


 EVERYBODY 4 DEFECTIVE. The Search for Graft in the Washing ton Departments Has Queer Results.
 There can be found a humorous side in almost every situatiOn-if the eye be keen and the ear sensitive-and the present state of affairs in the Govern ment departments is no exception to the rule. With the wave of scandal hysteria great army of amateur de- tectives has volunteered, and know ledge of their operations should wrink- le the lips of the unsmiling Sphynx. Young "Old Sleuths,' embryo Pinker- tons, reincarnated Nick Carters"- sans commission, sans shield. sans everything save intent-fOllow daily and tirelessly the trail of the great King Graft. There is prying and prod ding. nosing and knocking. Enemies frankly glare, friends cling close, ac- Guaintances sheer off. The love of graft, the fear of graft, the knowledge of graft, lies near the heart if not on the tongue.
 Only the other day well-known resi- dent of Washington, who holds somewhat responsible clerkship in one of the Government departments, but whose language has never been con- fined by any considerable amount of red tape, was talking with Star man about this condition of affairs, and his views on the subject are worth record ing.
 T I have been touching Uncle Sam for cigarette money for quite a span of years" said this clerk earnestly, and I can frankly say never saw affairs in the Government departments in such shape as they are at the present time life. Every mossback in the service with little authority than the rest of the herd is trespassing around in rub Der shoes trying to pick up little evidence Why, it was only the other day that I was sitting at my desk writing checks for few of my umer- ous monthly bills, when I noticed the assistnt chief Of my division, an an- cient servitor who has been in harness for about 100 years, and who never had sense enough to pound sand in a sugar factory, nOsing around in my rear. I thought I could figure out his game, and when. I had hitched my signature to few more pay slips. got up from my desk, leaving the whole business on my blotter, and drifted out into the hall. It wasn't a minute later when that assistant chief-and he always claimed to be friend of mine, too-had stepped up to my desk and was pOr.n.5 his eye into my private affairs as far as he could. He wasn't even decently embarrassed either when I slipped up behind him and gave him a gentle jolt in the ribs as an intimation that he might move along without hurting my lie remarked with a sour grin, and old fellows like me have to keep an eye on what's going on.''
 We've got plenty of the tale-bear~ ing and toe-kissfng kind up our way too, continued the clerk in a disgusted tone. I've had tny eye on one of them for a long time, although he hasn't known 1t. He's one of these agreeable chaps, pleasant and frank, and always Willing to listen to personal reminiscent ces of jags and junkets, and always in- quiring about little matters in the daily grind. He's willing at all times to hear you talk about other clerks in the office, and urges you along to cuss out the assistant chiefs, the chiefs and the big boss. It was this little characteris- tic, plus few other things, that put Vyigp tn him TI Tyh +t,vY, ble l was good and hot, although | didn't let on. But the next time he came around for his daily grist of gos- sip handed out q line of conversations that would have made your hair curl. According to my own statements I hadn't been sobe for a week and was on the toboggan for a gutter slide, lashed to the runner. We'll sir you can believe me or not, but it wasn't 4S hours before was hauled up before the big boss and threatened with summary dismissal if didn't mend my habits. And didn't it make me feel good when l reached down in my pocket and pulled out couple of sheets of paper, covered with half-space typewritting. That's about the substance of what you heard, isn't 1t? I asked the big boss, after he had read the scroll. That's just what was reported to me- he replied.
 And then I told him the circum- stances. He grinned a little bit, but he didn't turn a hair. Nor did he make any rude remarks about the tale- bearing gent. He just smiled in a bored sort of way, and remarked in an amused tone: Of course, that's all right. But don't let on to anybody that we've got man down there doing de- tective work. It might make him un- popular spoil his usefulness.--Wash- ington Star.