The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1905-10-30
GRAND PROMOTER.
Uncle Reuben Makes a can on Major
Crofoot.

Major CrofOOt, grand promoter OF
grand enterprises, sat in his office with
pencil in hand. He had been trying
for the last half hour to figure out
how to make A cents take the place of
81, and he was still at it when there
came a hearty knock on the door. The
major has made a study of door-knocks
in the last three or four years. He
knows the inquiring knock from the
aggressive knock: the defiant knock
from the knock OF the woman seeking
subscriptions for charity; the knock of
his clothes cleaner or shoemaker from
that of the man who can be roped into
a scheme. He at once recognized this
knock as belonging to a guileless and
innocent person, and he called out
come I'M" without shivers running up
his back.
It was Uncle Reuben from the coun-
try. He had on his Sunday best, but
there was an odor Of new-mown hay
about him, and before speaking he sat
down on a chair and wiped the back
of his neck with a faded bandana. BY
and by he said:
Il was 1ookin' around to speculate a
leetle- I've got a check of a thousand
dollars in my pocket, and I thought
I'd take a leetle whirl in stocks. Mebbe
you could manage the business for me2''
For thirty seconds the major could not
8SL his BtGdtus ana GNeIELlll N the
room seemed to be dancing around. He
had had many suckers come to his
hook, but never one with a thousand
dollars about him. When he could get
his voice he said:
My dear man, you have come to the
right place. Not to make a deal in
stocks and be swindled out of your
hard-earned cash, but to take shares in
an enterprise of mine and increase your
money a hundred-fold."
Gosh. but you don't say so!' ex-
claimed the caller.
mot only say so, but I am going to
prove it to you. Your name is-is?"
ginbottom.''
q see-exactly. Mr.. Higginbottonn,
did you ever hear of me, Major Gro
foot, the man who has originated and
promoted sixteen different enterprises
to date, not one of which is capitalized
at less than 100000? Did you
ever hear. sir"
Il don't think have, but I've been
so busy with my lambs and buck
wheat down in the country that
haven't heard of half the great men.
You have got sunthin' good, have
you ?"
Something better than the diamond
mines of Golconda."
IT never heard of them mines. but
you look like an honest man, and I'm
Jest what is it you've got?"
"On the desk there, Mr.. Hucklebot-
tom are
''Higginbottom."
Excuse me. On the desk there are
the articles of incorporation of the
Great American Double Ended Nurs-
ing Bottle company, and there's going
to be more clean money made out of
its stock than anything that's come
out for the last fifty years. If you
L 7rIF -
thousand then hope to be sent to an
asylum for a lunatic.'
@'I know shall make it if you say
So replied the farmer. ct know an
honest man when I see one, and I'll
bet all I've got on your head. What's
the idea2 -
you have seen an ordinary nurs-
ing bottle, of course %
Seems to me I have
ITS for babies to take their milk
from. It has only one mouth. The
baby's mother or nurse must be care
full that she gets that end in his
mouth. When he gets old enough to
handle it he must also lose much Of
his valuable time I have seen a
yearling infant fuss for five minutes
f tbs. get the mouth of the bottle into
at see. It's jest the same trouble
with a whisky bottle. You've got to
turn it over and over until you strike
Exactly Mr.. Huekleberry. you are
a man who has taken notice of things
"Darned if I haven't, but my name is
Higginbottom."
then, go at it and invent a double
ended nursing bottle. Makes no differ
ence to the infant which end he gets
into his mouth. Bottle holds the same
with rubber tips. I have figured it
down fine, and my statistics have gone
to the agricultural department and
come back approved, that with my dOu-
ble-ended nursing bottle an infant can
save an hour a day over the other"
t'I believe he can, and he can have
that hour to put in at sunthin' else"
That's the idea exactly. Mr. Higgin-
bottom, you are a man of perspicacity
I like to talk to such a man"
THANK ye but I'm called purity cute
down at Yaphank. I can see that the
infant can save seven hours q week
and use the time to study 'rithmetic or
geography
That's it-that's it. Yes, he can be
storing his mind instead of crying over
his nursing bottle. Well, I have made
the invention spoken of and organized a
company for the manufacture of the
bottles. They will sell at 20 cents
apiece, and all but 80 cents is clear
profit. We expect to sell 10000 900 q
year. You can figure for yourself what
the stock viii be worth in two or three
ssBy thunder. but it beats butter'n
eggs all hollerl'' said Mr.. Higginbot-
tom as he brought his fist down on his
knee
at does, my friend-it does. We have
testimonials from Lillian Russell,
Chauncey. Depew, Don Castro and a
hundred others, and I'm expecting a
letter from the car of Russia every
minute. we shall start off with a grand
boom, and we estimate that our six
factories will have to run day and
night to fill orders. Mr.. Hoopersmith,
venture to say that
''Higginbottom, sir"
Mr. Hfgginbottom, I venture to say
that you might have hunted for twenty
years and not found a thing like this.
Your 81 900 will buy ten shares. The
dividends on those shares will be So
600 a year. In addition I am going to
ask you to act as our manager at a